# How is this possible?



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I have drank alcohol since age one, hard liquor age two. I did meth and cocaine when I was five, and LSD and crack when I was seven. I have photos of myself with beer in the photo of myself when I was five, photos of myself with wine age four or so, and more beer photos around eleven or thirteen. I have home movies of myself talking about gay men, but I erased ones that involved myself talking about abuse. There are a lot of home movies of myself while I have been drinking as a kid. I would estimate 4 or 5 hours worth counting the Super 8. Someone please explain to me how this is possible.


----------



## ravagingthemassacred (Aug 2, 2011)

Why do you believe you took drugs so young? The only possible way is if adults around you forced you to


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

ravagingthemassacred said:


> Why do you believe you took drugs so young? The only possible way is if adults around you forced you to


Yes, most were adults, some teenagers also gave me drugs. Some of them died in car wrecks, some commited suicide, some were murdered by adults.

What an unusual question.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Very unusual thread :sus


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Let me elaborate on the question a little. What influence does this have a person besides PTSD?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Very unusual thread :sus


See why I get ignored by most?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

No? Again, I'm confused. That should not have been confusing.


----------



## ravagingthemassacred (Aug 2, 2011)

ourwater said:


> Yes, most were adults, some teenagers also gave me drugs. Some of them died in car wrecks, some commited suicide, some were murdered by adults.
> 
> What an unusual question.


Bluntly put, if you are posting honestly, you're probably having some sort of delusion. How are you feeling?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

ravagingthemassacred said:


> Bluntly put, if you are posting honestly, you're probably having some sort of delusion. *How are you feeling?*


Delusion? :hyper

I know I'm stressed, I'm studying for finals.

You won't mind then if I post any _personal videos_ or _photos_ then, since it's all part of my "Delusion"? I may also have to _share_ some experiences I have had that cause PTSD, if that's alright.


----------



## BeaT (Sep 23, 2011)

It's hard enough knowing all of the possible effects drugs can have on a body and mind that is already fully developed. Chemicals in your brain while it was still growing could have done all sorts of weird stuff.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

:um

So far we have the possibilities:


Delusions
Unusual
Forced by adults


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

BeaT said:


> It's hard enough knowing all of the possible effects drugs can have on a body and mind that is already fully developed. Chemicals in your brain while it was still growing could have done all sorts of weird stuff.


I have asked doctors, councilors, and therapist and they do not know.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I started exercise again and began a self sleep study using a Zeo Sleep Manager. I left a message for my primary doctor. He wants a physical ( I was told several weeks ago), then maybe he will refer me to the psychiatric clinic, which will only see people by referral. My neurologist does not do referrals. I hope to hear something by Monday. The sooner I can get therapy, the sooner I can back to working full time. My folks want me to help with the medicine cost, they are not familiar with new medicine pricing.

Hopefully I'm not admitted into some clinic. I'm going to leave out the details of the abuse. I was hit as a baby, brain is damaged, period, have ADHD history and experience anxiety, Here are the name and phone numbers you can call, period. My primary physician knows my medical history and more about abuse but I would like to talk to him about not disclosing that information.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The hospital only gave me history dating bcak to 1999 when I started working there. I had some school medical records already, good thing we kept them, still nothing from special services.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Special Service records will be here Thursday. They had to send out for them out our school system.

I found this answer which I think I agree with mostly, but how much they took makes a difference? I think I they a child's liver would last five months drinking hard liquor two days on a weekend, more than two shots more than 70 proof. Impairment of the liver will be caused by sips regardless. I disagree entirely with that part. It effects their development is what they have been saying since before my birth, so that's nothing new.



> The answer depends on the amount of alcohol and the frequency. One sip of beer is likely not going to do any major damage by itself, but if it's more than that or at a greater frequency I'd be more concerned. Much of this is theoretical and based on what we know about alcohol's effects on a developing fetus as well as adults. There isn't much literature, for obvious reasons, on the effects of alcohol on two year olds, but we do not a bit about how it may interfere with development.
> 
> Given what we do know, we can extrapolate some possible consequences, including:
> 
> ...


http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-effects-of-alcohol-on-young-children-babies

What about?

Hallucinations 2 beers is all it takes
Passing out - Continued use over four weeks
Hangovers are _not _one day, they are much shorter.
Drowsiness and difficulty speaking for at least two weeks (if abuse involved)










I had my labs done today. They did:

CBC
Metabolic Panel
Lipids
Vitamin D
UA


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I went and picked up my Social Service records yesterday. It had basically everything I need for my IEP. It said I was diagnosed with ADD and Depression.
It stated that I need more time for studying, and I complete my work slowly. That is exactly the point I withdrew from school. The school wants about 5K for the rest of my school. We have to pay that. They said it would go towards my classes next year if I'm accepted. I don't think we are going to file any appeal or anything, but I'm not sure. I don't pay those bills.

I wasn't aware that I was diagnosed with Depression. I also found a note that mentions while taking my Primatene I complained of tremors. That is likely where I got my tremors. My neurologist would probably like to look at that. I made a copy and left it at my physicians house. 

The IEP also mentions my first therapist that diagnosed me in notes from another councilor or therapist. It mentions the ADD diagnosis about two years prior and it's dated 1996. I proved my mother wrong. She thought I started therapy when I was an adult.

The original diagnosis is very long. It's more than 44 pages. I ran out of black ink in our new printer, but replaced it. 

I visited my elementary schools, but I don't really don't need those records for an IEP. I think the records are at my last elementary school, I wrote I was going to hurt myself on one of my papers, had to talk to the FBI. My Junior High School said they only keep records for seven years, but they would check for data somewhere else. None of that is really relevant to my IEP.

It states in my IEP that I do not have a learning disability. It specifies that I require special accommodations. That I also was not aware of.

I wait now to see my primary physician next week.


----------



## Magickan32 (Jun 19, 2012)

um. Mind me asking but to you sometimes hear negative voices in your head?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Magickan32 said:


> um. Mind me asking but to you sometimes hear negative voices in your head?


No, but my mother has severe problems with bi-polar type A. She has been admitted into institutions. My uncle is in a group home because he has schizophrenia. My mother has symptoms of what seems to be schizophrenia on occasions and I have my hospitals mental health institution under my contacts on my cell phone. She lost her therapist and is receiving a new one. She cries and gets very emotional.

Growing up these were times were I was left vulnerable to abuse from child care workers, and at least one police involved incident. They wanted to speak to my father but he was out of town. My father used to drink very heavy. He would go on short business trips for two to three days, but really all they did was drink alcohol. He was an executive $$, so when he traveled out of state, I went along sometimes.

When I could not go with him because of school, I was left at home alone, or with care workers because my mother was an on call nurse at the time. When nursing students were available, they were my baby sitters.

Hospital Admissions where I have been left alone with my father, or with non professional care workers (day care admission takes time in advance):

1982
1984 
1988
'90s? - Self admission.

I suffer from auditory hallucinations brought about by sleep deprivation. I have been hospitalized for seizures caused by sleep deprivation, I have also been hospitalized from switching directly from Dexedrine to Wellbutrin, without slowly coming off the Dexedrine. I had more than one seizure caused by sleep deprivation, and several asthma related hospitalizations. Looking through my records, I counted at least three ER visits. When I started working at the hospital, they erased my record of having been admitted for a suicide attempt (age 16), and my operation of removing my adenoids for space reasons.

I have the occasional LSD flashbacks, but they are visual hallucinations. They last around ten minutes. I first had LSD when I was about seven or eight. The girl that lived ac cross the street had schizophrenia and knew many drug dealers. She first gave me marijuana when I was three, but I don't think she physically harmed me. She committed suicide during college. My grandfather was from the Netherlands, but migrated from Hamburg Germany. My great grandmother on my mothers side was from Scandinavia and migrated from Northern Europe, and I have family there. It's my opinion that predisposes me to some drug use, although I don't currently abuse drugs.

I have a pretty large history of hallucinations, yes. Not many of them have been negative, that I recall. I remember some negative voices while at school (grade school).


----------



## Cherry Quartz (Jul 6, 2012)

Oh, wow... I would wonder how that's possible, too...


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Little Insomniac said:


> Oh, wow... I would wonder how that's possible, too...


Here is a picture of the girl that lived across the street.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The doctor did a lab test and then a second time. I have hyperthyroidism.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f33/hyperthyroidism-125638/

It is being treated tomorrow, and I thought it would take two weeks. They took labs also at the hospital where I am being treated. My lab values read 7, then on my second labs.

I have a written summary from my Doctor that goes back to age eleven. I have had it for a week. People keep telling me to read it, but I am hesitant.

I'm supposed to take my medication with me to see if they want to give it to me during the procedure. I am doing the obliteration by means of radioactive iodine. If the first test does not work I will have a second, the next day I believe.

I have been very tired and my eyes have felt dry, although they are not enlarged.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Sorry, I was a little confused, normal. My second labs were 9. I have not read my doctors summary, but plan to today.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

Damn! You've been through a lot! 
I don't know much about the side effects of too much alcohol/drugs and how it is possible that all those things happened to you, but I believe now is the time you start taking measures to improve your life: normal, healthy living, as in taking your meds, exercising (swimming/fitness to boost your Serotonine (happiness hormone)), eating healthy, a job. Try to get a regular sleep regime. Sleep helps curing lots of mental disorders.

It's good that you post as much as you can, it's part of your progress of getting your life back on track. Don't want to sound as a nagging grandma, but this is my advice


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Damn! You've been through a lot!
> I don't know much about the side effects of too much alcohol/drugs and how it is possible that all those things happened to you, but I believe now is the time you start taking measures to improve your life: normal, healthy living, as in taking your meds, exercising (swimming/fitness to boost your Serotonine (happiness hormone)), eating healthy, a job. Try to get a regular sleep regime. Sleep helps curing lots of mental disorders.
> 
> It's good that you post as much as you can, it's part of your progress of getting your life back on track. Don't want to sound as a nagging grandma, but this is my advice


See my blog 

In 2006 I had a heart attack so I quit smoking and drinking.

My doctor said I had no heart murmurs.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> See my blog
> 
> In 2006 I had a heart attack so I quit smoking and drinking.
> 
> My doctor said I had no heart murmurs.


Very good you quit smoking! And what are you up to now??


----------



## loophole (Apr 15, 2012)

get to a doc asap and tell them the full truth of the matter if u haven't already


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

loophole said:


> get to a doc asap and tell them the full truth of the matter if u haven't already


My parents sexually molested and didn't watch me and you expect they would want to pay for full therapy?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Very good you quit smoking! And what are you up to now??


Nursing School.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Nursing School.


Cool! Follow that goal


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Cool! Follow that goal


That is why I am going to treat my ADHD and how I discovered my Hyperthyroidism. It is up to a school committee which are now reviewing my letter whether I can re-attend next year because of my circumstances.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> That is why I am going to treat my ADHD and how I discovered my Hyperthyroidism. It is up to a school committee which are now reviewing my letter whether I can re-attend next year because of my circumstances.


Hope you can attend, you seem motivated, so I'm positive you can achieve your goals anyhow


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Hope you can attend, you seem motivated, so I'm positive you can achieve your goals anyhow


I actually went back to medical records and asked them why I never received my medical records prior to 1999, and they said they never left the warehouse, but that they would resend them.

They school has a couple weeks to decide, then tell me. The Director said I had good grades, and that in some of the other medical classes they offered it would have been considered passing.

I go over to where my mother teaches nursing, and I use her lab room to study. RN and LPN books can be confusing so and I had some trouble with what I knew as an RN and as an LPN. When I was growing up I used to go there in her office and read after school sometimes, or sit in the classroom, but it depended on if State was there. When I was older like 9, they made me stay in the lobby, or the waiting room, and I would play with sticker or coloring books.

I once made a mistake at work (I'm a CNA) and told a family to talk to the DON (Director of Nursing) and that's what a RN is supposed to do. The DON said it was alright though and that I could go up the chain of command. I seem to be doing alright so far.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

Yeah, you seem on the right track  And if the Director said they consider you passing, I guess you have a high chance to do so then. I'm very curious to hear the result..


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

We are going so fast. Here is the diagnosis from a couple weeks ago we have from all of this.


Hyperthyroidism
Tremor
Abnormal Blood Chemistry
ADD With Hyperactivity

I was treated for the Hyperthyroidism one week ago, and see my endocrinologist Friday. I'm supposed to return to my doctor after I am done with that. He is on Vacation for a little over a week from now. I have a doctors note to not work 16 hour shifts, so I could possibly handle work this weekend. My folks seem to think I am not well enough to work.

My heart rate has gone down some. They want it in the normal range bellow 100. It's at 98, and before treatment resting heart rate was more like 110. When running on the treadmill my heart rate topped at 130 but that was 4.2 mph. Before treatment it was 155 after around five minutes running 6.0 mph. I checked this multiple times a day. It was around 150 at around the lowest point in my circadian rhythm which was around 7:00 am - 9:00 am.

My doctor will only treat the ADHD with medicine because he has an extensive history with me, since age 11. I am curious what he will do about the anxiety and if the tremors will improve. I get comments quite often about the Tremors. The ADHD treatment would make that worse, but then I might continue the Inderal. Will I ever get to the point where I am talking about PTSD before next year?? The first thing I mentioned were the nightmares, but there is no plan of implementation. We know we have until next year, how long does it take to treat nightmares. I am starting to worry that he may be looking at my history and deciding there is no treatment.

I am starting to think that the school cannot reach a decision until after our payment is due in August and the 1/4 period of my class ends.

I have heard no reply from any of my grade schools regarding any records they might have. Apparently this was summarized in my last IEP but there is failure to mention any visits to councilors. My entire history for my IEP starts at age 11. What happened to the school program before I was 11? I can imagine my records might have been in a disciplinary area due to my lack of participation, fowl language, rude conduct during class, then it was lost when the Federal system became involved. That would make sense.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I start work again full time. My endocrinologist told me that my hormones were all over the place and increased my Inderal dosage to 60mg. I made sure I had a note explaining I needed to refrain from heavy lifting. I don't think that will be a problem with day shift. It's seven days of working this week. 

The treatment isn't supposed to be effective for a month. Our pharmacy only had a 5 day supply of inderal. I have to wear my heart rate monitor still at work. It was set 50 - 190, but they don't want my pulse bellow 60. My B/P was 110/ fifty something which is on the low side so I definitely need to watch that.

I have gained 10.4 pounds since my lowest weight which puts me at 116.8 lbs.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The school called and didn't leave a message.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

There was also a neighbor that lived behind us before he took his own life. That guy was a convicted pedophile and it made national news. It would make it difficult to remain anonymous and talk about it. I'm starting to have second thoughts about that PTSD treatment.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm still off work for awhile. The next schedule isn't out, and I signed a letter that my mother has explained to me makes me off until 3rd. I wanted the nurse to know my condition since I have know him so long. I will give my assistant DON a call. They are going want to talk to me anyways.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I'm still off work for awhile. The next schedule isn't out, and I signed a letter that my mother has explained to me makes me off until 3rd. I wanted the nurse to know my condition since I have know him so long. I will give my assistant DON a call. They are going want to talk to me anyways.


Good luck! And why are you having second thoughts about the treatment?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Good luck! And why are you having second thoughts about the treatment?


It won't do anyone else good. I have already taken Zoloft for years, and I don't think it would be much different. I have taken SSRI's since an early age, and I know there are limited medications available for treatment. Also, I don't want to be institutionalized like my mother, or put into a group home like my uncle, or given medications that make me talkative like my aunt with PTSD.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> It won't do anyone else good. I have already taken Zoloft for years, and I don't think it would be much different. I have taken SSRI's since an early age, and I know there are limited medications available for treatment. Also, I don't want to be institutionalized like my mother, or put into a group home like my uncle, or given medications that make me talkative like my aunt with PTSD.


These are all pretty good reasons.. Yikes, being put into an institution.
But after a quick look online, I saw that PTSD is often treated with cognitive behavior therapy. Don't know if you have tried that..


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> These are all pretty good reasons.. Yikes, being put into an institution.
> But after a quick look online, I saw that PTSD is often treated with cognitive behavior therapy. Don't know if you have tried that..


Yes, I have had that before. People do not get put in institutions for regular PTSD. It's mainly because it involves drugs, and when I was an infant which is known as severe or complex PTSD.

They tried very hard to prove I was brain injured by drugs already, but did not succeed. That was shortly after I was starting medications.










I started medications for breathing difficulties when I was 11 with my current doctor, and that is on my record. It is no longer available.

Generic Albuterol Asthma Inhalers no longer available in USA after Dec 31, 2008

I was referred to that doctor, my doctor now, by the child trauma psychologist that prescribed Bupropion. They gave him no records and he started from scratch. I took Bupropion again when I was older after trying Dexedrine, but they called it Paxil.

I managed to get a trauma specialist on my own. I was brought there for depression, and had a scheduled appointment with a different psychologist. When my parents figured out why I was taking the drug, they had me evaluated by a neurologist at the hospital where my mother worked and they figured out that it had side effects that were being researched. That should be on my record that I have been waiting now to receive for over a month. I was born there. I got sick and stayed there for the common cold when I was grade school multiple times before there was a children's hospital. I need more records. My doctor has no record of me being treated for depression or PTSD. I have asked my former clinic to send it from records twice already, once after treatment ended, and again in 2005.

Short and Long Term Effects


> Long-Term Effects
> Cancer. Marijuana contains the same cancer-causing chemicals found in tobacco smoke.
> Breathing problems. It creates the same kinds of breathing problems that cigarettes do: coughing and wheezing.
> Immune system. The THC in marijuana can damage the cells and tissues in the body that help protect against disease.
> ...


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm sorry. That was wrong. 

The drug they gave me ended in "phine". It would of have to have been Buprenorphine for opiate use. I was given heroin by an older 30s female. Paxil was the first drug prescribed that my place I have on record as of having been to, so I have that record. That would have been when I was more like age 13 when they were taking me to neurology.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I have all these medical records dating back to kindergarten that my doctor read. It's around 250 pages worth.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The school is prorating the money and I have to reapply next year. I actually get money back.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

It turns out my doctor wrote the note for after the treatment is supposed to have been done which is a couple weeks. I hope to get labs done early, then get released so that I can start again when I am feeling better. 

It's time to start studying again. If I start now, I will have had slightly more time than last time before school started.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> It's time to start studying again. If I start now, I will have had slightly more time than last time before school started.


Good luck with that! Hope you can concentrate a bit..


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I have not gone over the majority of those records. I glanced over them briefly when they were being photocopied, looking at dates and hospital names, if there were any. I have my doctors summary which has a condensed version. It looks like he diagnosed me with PTSD. It says

"Patient has been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from verbal, physical and sexual abuse by babysitters and neighbors on and off from ages 2 to 10 years old. He has received counselling, including cognitive therapy, for at least 2 years and feels that he has learned to cope with the issue the abuse precipitated." 

Add to my diagnosis PTSD.


----------



## contranigma (Jun 24, 2009)

None of the pictures you posted showed you drinking or doing drugs. You look like a happy kid. I have never heard before of someone that young doing hard drugs. That is where the skepticism comes from, not that it isn't possible. Alcohol (in small doses) and LSD I wouldn't expect would have a major effect on your health, but I would think too much heroin or meth could easily kill a young kid. I don't think you gave any explanations for why they gave you those drugs. Was it just to abuse you or were they trying to treat your behaviors (ADD or insomnia)?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

"Drinking" is a nicer way of saying it in my opinion than posting something such as: I was drunk. The worst photo is a cigarette burn my neighbor gave me when I was 6 years old. That went on for years. They were arrested for other reasons and didn't graduate high school. They live at the end of my street, and I occasionally see him. I was separated from him at school.

I'm not sure how to answer the rest of your question. Yes, but drugs were usually given at my own request 90 % of the time. The only person that forced me drink alcohol or drugs was one of my neighbors. It also involved a knife.


----------



## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

I'm sorry you've had to live through so much abuse. My own problems, and almost everyone else's here, pale in comparison. It must be intensely frustrating not having others validate your experiences. It is for me.

I like that quote about music, btw. I get melodies in my head under enough stimulation and with no words to express myself.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I am writing a letter to the school about reapplying. I have already wrote most of the details of the reason I am reapplying in my letter of appeal. Do I mention the PTSD in my admission letter? My parents do not know about that.

I started writing in my blog again. It's going to be a journal of the exercise that I have done since treatment for the Hyperthyroidism. My blog is here.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Rufus said:


> I'm sorry you've had to live through so much abuse. My own problems, and almost everyone else's here, pale in comparison. It must be intensely frustrating not having others validate your experiences. It is for me.


My story is apparently nonsensical to most others. My means of escape was to climb a tree since I could not get help. When I start to explain that is where I loose most people. When I was about ten I transferred to a different elementary school that was brand new. It didn't have any councilor at the time, but if it had I might have gotten more help. There was a councilor by the end of the year but I was to afraid to talk to them.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

There were no comments for my question about the application. I'm including the full diagnoses.

Dear Ms. *

I am familar with the initial application process into your program but I would like some guidance in resubmitting after acceptance into your program. I left your program due to medical reasons that affected my school performance. I already provided Rachel Touchatt with varification from my physician and she is prepared to prorate my tuition with readmission.

Which parts of the application process do I need to resubmit?

1. My application form is completed and all information is the same as the original except under education I could add I attended the LPN Program from February to June 2012. Hopefully this is still on file but I can provide another copy if needed.

2. Entrance testing was completed and scores accepted for admission. Am I required to repeat?

3. Math I and PVC I was successfully completed. Will I need to repeat these courses after passing them initially?

4. Pre-entrance medical examination was completed but failed to detect my July diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. The sypmtoms of this medical condition like loss of weight, tremors, anxiety, fast heart rates, and difficulty with concentration are related to this condition. These symptoms which affected my school performance have been successfully treated. A letter was provided by my primary physician to the school. He outlined in this letter where he can be contacted for any additional information. He did an extensive and complete work up after my symptoms emerged, continues to follow my progress and could provide any medical records needed for the pre-entrance examination.

I sent a copy of his findings in my financial appeal process to the school. My physician feels that I may benefit from medication and an Individualized Education Program for past diagnosed ADHD to enhance my school performance not utilized in your program before. This would not be extensive. Perhaps more time for test in a quiet environment as determined by individual instructors. This is what I had in the past along with clarification of homework assignments and deadlines.I can provide documentation of past IEP'S and my physician has these records as well. I have not taken medication for ADHD since high school but am reconsidering this with my primary doctor. * My doctor has also diagnosed me with PTSD related to events between the ages of 2 - 10. This may impair my ability to discuss certain topics related to abuse. *

5. 2/1/12 I submitted all laboratory information to the school that was requested for admission. Hopefully this is still on file. I have copies or do these need repeating?

I understand the application process deadline for the next class session is 12/13/12. As you can see I would like your clarifications or have you suggest someone to contact on the admission committee in order to avoid repetition and answer any questions or concerns the admission committee may have.

Respectfully

*


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

ourwater said:


> There were no comments for my question about the application. I'm including the full diagnoses.
> 
> *


It sounds quite clear to me. You formulated it well, guess you just need to wait a bit.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


>





ourwater said:


> Here is a picture of the girl that lived across the street.


what is the significance of these pictures? and/or why they are relevant to the thread? you didn't provide much/any explanation as to why they were added.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


>


i'm confused with the inclusion of this picture as well. sure, you had an inhaler (i think) in your hand, and purported marijuana use can lead to asthma, but correlation does not equal causation.

sorry, i'm just trying to piece this thread together. in any case, i hope that you get the treatment/help that you need.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Not a problem.

Picture at the park. My fathers baseball team had parties at the park. That is likely one of his baseball team parties. That and parties in the basement were an easy source of alcohol. That's my dump truck there.










In this image we see my neighbor that is still alive.









This one is not.









In this image I have reported to my school that I was abused. The year is 1989 and it is my birthday during winter break. It's the last year I went to daycare. I had many friends from boy-scouts daycare and school. It's the last year I had a councilor until high school. The significance is that I do not have complete records from this year. I'm holding a small stuffed koala bear in the photo. By this time the child molester living behind my house that took his own life thinks I am insane.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Be sure and let me know if that doesn't answer your questions.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

no, it clarifies things, even though the reasons for including the pictures are tangential.

anyhow, i hope that you really are getting the help that you need and i wish you the best of luck.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> no, it clarifies things, even though the reasons for including the pictures are tangential.
> 
> anyhow, i hope that you really are getting the help that you need and i wish you the best of luck.


I'm waiting for records from 1988 and before. I asked special services, which is where school records are kept. I went there and visited every school that I attended in person. I visited the medical records office twice even once with my mother. She said it was interesting.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I still have not heard from school. It could be a formality. I never got emails until I had applied earlier this year, and I have to reapply using their form. I had another nightmare last night that was about my mother was kidnapping me. That and some subjects about abuse triggered some flashbacks and I didn't sleep. I should be alright in a day or two.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Here are some pages of my diagnostic summary from my IEP which was made after I attempted suicide. The records were kept at special services.
I thought the school would have received information such as this, and I was prepared to explain my problems at the time of the interview. I know that these are uncommon, so here is what four pages of that looks like.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Hey there ourwater, if I can ask, what exactly is it you're looking for in all this?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Hey there ourwater, if I can ask, what exactly is it you're looking for in all this?


I'm still in the "assessment" phase. I don't yet know what I am dealing with, so it's difficult to plan ahead. I have gotten my blood test for my T3 and T4 and they are mailing me the results. I see my endocrinologist in less than a week. I hope that the results tell me my treatment is successful. Then I will need to start medication for hypothyroidism. It can't interact with my current medication, or I should start a new medication for anxiety. I would like to go back to school. I need to decide if ADHD is going to be treated for work or school. I would like to prevent nightmares. Just sleeping as often as I can doesn't help. I need to continue sleep therapy. I need to rebuild muscle. I'm still less than 120 lbs. I need to get enough money so that I can get my own place and not have to deal with an environment that is unsafe for my PTSD.

So far I have accomplished one goal.


Diagnosed with PTSD

That's no different than my previous diagnoses of PTSD that I don't have on record except that it defines what age I was.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I'm still in the "assessment" phase.


it's a very public 'assessment' that makes little sense to anyone but you and perhaps your therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Cool, thank you. What do you feel is holding you back more, the PTSD or the ADHD? In terms of reaching the goals you mentioned above.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Cool, thank you. What do you feel is holding you back more, the PTSD or the ADHD? In terms of reaching the goals you mentioned above.


The ADHD. If I am accepted into school again I will have twice as long for testing than before.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> it's a very public 'assessment' that makes little sense to anyone but you and perhaps your therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist.


I cry in public and I have a learning disability so it's going to be very public.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I cry in public and I have a learning disability so it's going to be very public.


Are you seeing a psychiatrist currently? What is his/her view on your situation?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Are you seeing a psychiatrist currently? What is his/her view on your situation?


No I'm not seeing a psychiatrist. My doctor is the same one that I had from ages 11 - 17. He says that we can talk about treating the ADHD, but he warned me that it could result in death if the graves disease went untreated. He said he was not sure but he thinks that I might discontinue the Inderal. As I was walking out the door he mentioned that I could talk about my PTSD. That is how it is treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can lessen the nightmares.

I currently only have two days of work every two weeks like when I was in school. My parents do not want to pay for another doctor visit. He is giving me a large discount though.

My doctor gave me all of his records and a summary in case I needed to see someone else. He told me that no doctor would read my records the way that they were.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

i'm not a physician, but you might have something other than ptsd and adhd going on. it would probably be best to seek the help of a psychiatrist.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> i'm not a physician, but you might have something other than ptsd and adhd going on. it would probably be best to seek the help of a psychiatrist.


What evidence do you have to suggest that?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm going to introduce into this thread what I was taught in school, and what is gaining in popularity in the field of psychiatry. It's called "Evidence-Based Practice".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_practice


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

ourwater said:


> No I'm not seeing a psychiatrist. My doctor is the same one that I had from ages 11 - 17. He says that we can talk about treating the ADHD, but he warned me that it could result in death if the graves disease went untreated. He said he was not sure but he thinks that I might discontinue the Inderal. As I was walking out the door he mentioned that I could talk about my PTSD. That is how it is treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can lessen the nightmares.
> 
> I currently only have two days of work every two weeks like when I was in school. My parents do not want to pay for another doctor visit. He is giving me a large discount though.
> 
> My doctor gave me all of his records and a summary in case I needed to see someone else. He told me that no doctor would read my records the way that they were.


Are you happy with your current doctor? Do you feel as though you've made progress with him? Have you ever considered a second opinion, just as a fail safe?

Sorry, I'm asking a lot of questions but your situation is quite intriguing.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Are you happy with your current doctor? Do you feel as though you've made progress with him? Have you ever considered a second opinion, just as a fail safe?
> 
> Sorry, I'm asking a lot of questions but your situation is quite intriguing.


I was referred to him by my psychiatrist at the Arthur Center where they diagnosed me for ADHD and Depression. He gave me a list of questions related to ADHD and I answered them, so I was diagnosed with it. It wasn't surprising since many people diagnosed when they were younger have it.

It says that I was referred from here in my doctors notes.

http://www.arthurcenter.com/children-and-youth-services/


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I was referred to him by my psychiatrist at the Arthur Center where they diagnosed me for ADHD and Depression. He gave me a list of questions related to ADHD and I answered them, so I was diagnosed with it. It wasn't surprising since many people diagnosed when they were younger have it.
> 
> It says that I was referred from here in my doctors notes.
> 
> http://www.arthurcenter.com/children-and-youth-services/


That doesn't really answer my question. Are YOU happier since the diagnosis and treatment? Surely if you were, you wouldn't still be searching for whatever it is you're looking for.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> That doesn't really answer my question. Are YOU happier since the diagnosis and treatment? Surely if you were, you wouldn't still be searching for whatever it is you're looking for.


At my nursing school child abuse, PTSD, pediatrics, are something we discuss in class as a group. I wanted to be sure they know that I was treated for it. Mental health class also has a field trip to a mental institution. They ask before you go, "does anyone have a family member in an institution?".

They do not ask however "does anyone have experience with knowing a child that was murdered?", or "does anyone know someone that committed suicide?", or "was anyone here raped by knife or gun point?". No, they just pass around news articles about malpractice child victims, suicide victims, or abused children. and then hours later except you to be called on in class for a question.

At the start of the school year they ask you "does anyone have a reason they need twice as long for testing? Please submit your IEP now if you have not already done so."

During class time we were watching Temple Grandin (2010). The student next to me walked out of class and told the teacher she could handle images of cows in cages. Seriously? Common now.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I talked to the school. They didn't get my email and they said it was likely filtered. I'm going to print a copy and bring it to the school. I emailed it to myself. She said that she would give the note to the committee informing them that I want to reapply so the process will begin.

I informed my mother that I was doing this and she told me that I wasn't going to be treated for PTSD. I asked her where that came from, and she said that I mentioned it to her. I have not mentioned anything about school related to PTSD so I was concerned and asked her where she got the idea I was requesting treatment. She said that it was in my doctors notes. If it was I missed that when I was giving her a copy of the last page. 



> "Patient has been diagnosed with PTSD stemming from verbal, physical and sexual abuse by babysitters and neighbors on and off from ages 2 to 10 years old. He has received counselling, including cognitive therapy, for at least 2 years and feels that he has learned to cope with the issue the abuse precipitated."


It doesn't sound to me like she has anything to worry about. It's nice that she offered treatment after school. She looks stressed.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

you should move all of these posts, the thread in its entirety, really, into a blog.

you aren't asking any questions, and are seemingly posting nonsensical updates to no one but yourself.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

I have to agree with basuraeuropea here, you're also sharing some very personal information that should probably be kept private.

Plus, none of what you're saying makes much sense. Maybe it does to you, but to everyone else it's very confusing. 

I understand if this is some how cathartic for you, but like basuraeuropea suggested, perhaps this belongs in a personal blog.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> you should move all of these posts, the thread in its entirety, really, into a blog.
> 
> you aren't asking any questions, and are seemingly posting nonsensical updates to no one but yourself.





Luctor said:


> I have to agree with basuraeuropea here, you're also sharing some very personal information that should probably be kept private.
> 
> Plus, none of what you're saying makes much sense. Maybe it does to you, but to everyone else it's very confusing.
> 
> I understand if this is some how cathartic for you, but like basuraeuropea suggested, perhaps this belongs in a personal blog.


Sorry, but the only way that I will receive help is if I ask for it. If you read my thread, you will find that I am seeking answers to questions.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

This is the kind of website that my school thinks I should be posting these types of questions on. http://forums.nurse.com/forumdisplay.php?7-Student-Nursing

Really though, I have not seen any threads about people dealing with these types of issues. It would be nice for them to recommend possible therapy and medication for my IEP, but that is highly improbable.

Here is some information about the process. http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Guide_IEP_Process/


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> This is the kind of website that my school thinks I should be posting these types of questions on. http://forums.nurse.com/forumdisplay.php?7-Student-Nursing
> 
> Really though, I have not seen any threads about people dealing with these types of issues. It would be nice for them to recommend possible therapy and medication for my IEP, but that is highly improbable.
> 
> Here is some information about the process. http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Guide_IEP_Process/


why are you talking about your nursery school and your IEP as relevant to psychotropics you should be taking now, given that you're 34 and all? you should be addressing your issues with a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist, not on a forum devoted to social anxiety nor one devoted to student nurses.

also, if you look through the thread, you'll see that your questions aren't being answered, because, well, there aren't very many questions that have been asked. you're seemingly carrying on conversations about your purported disorders with yourself within threads you've created. it's all quite bizarre, to say the least.

nonsensical posts upon posts upon posts that have no clear form or fashion. the lack of coherence is curiouser and curiouser.

alice in wonderland status -

Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> why are you talking about your nursery school and your IEP as relevant to psychotropics you should be taking now, given that you're 34 and all? you should be addressing your issues with a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist, not on a forum devoted to social anxiety nor one devoted to student nurses.
> 
> also, if you look through the thread, you'll see that your questions aren't being answered, because, well, there aren't very many questions that have been asked. you're seemingly carrying on conversations about your purported disorders with yourself within threads you've created. it's all quite bizarre, to say the least.
> 
> ...


I don't think anyone on this site understands what your significance has in this thread. :sus You don't have ADHD, you don't have complex PTSD or PTSD, and you don't have hyperthyroidism. What is the rational for your post? You have none.

I have no record of the adult process as of yet.
http://nichcy.org/schoolage/iep/iepcontents/transition

Right now both the director in the school of nursing and my doctor are calling it an "IEP" because that's what it is called in my school record as of this date.



> Defining "Transition Services"
> Transition services are intended to help youth with disabilities make the transition from the world of secondary school to the world of adulthood. That said, it helps to know how IDEA defines transition services. You'll find the definition at §300.43, as follows:
> 
> §300.43 Transition services.
> ...


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

carry on then. i'll refrain from posting from now on. but i do hope that a child with a disability, as your IEP indicates you are (at 34), can make the transition into adulthood per the definition of 'transition services' provided by the national dissemination center for children with disabilities.

i'll come in every now and again to read the discussions you're having with yourself.

in all seriousness - i really do think you should be discussing these issues with a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist. i really can't stress this enough.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I talked to my mother about this. She has her masters in counselling and a degree in teaching psychology. Some things I agree with:

It is not the schools responsibility to understand what may have contributed to ADHD. 
It is likely I need a specialist in PTSD.
It is not my fault.
It is the doctors job to handle my transition to Adult ADHD. It is the directors job to determine what other information should be provided.

It is not my responsibility to explain why it is I have difficulty with communication. If they accuse me of being on illegal drugs, I should ignore them.

When a teacher sexually harasses me I should report her, although I am not required to give explanation as for why I feel it is harassment.

I do not need to explain to teachers why I am on medication. 

That's just going to have to work somehow. I have been advised by both two doctors, this forum, and my mother that I should not disclose to others the "private information" related to abuse. That information is for my doctor or psychiatrist, and what information that I have already disclosed here. In the future I will try and limit my comments.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Got my lab results. Indicative of failure. 

Free Thyroxine >7.77, ref. range (0.93 - 1.70)
3rd Generation TSH, <0.005 ref. range (0.270 - 4.200)


----------



## KramersHalfSister (May 3, 2012)

This thread really has me :con I agree with everything that busuraeuropea has said thus far, especially the part about seeing a psychiatrist.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My mother bought me my second book by Laura Davis titled _The Courage to Heal Workbook For Women And Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse_.


----------



## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

I find it humorous, please, go on with your adventures ourwater



> If they accuse me of being on illegal drugs, I should ignore them.


well, you definitely shouldnt tell them the truth


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Quinn the Eskimo said:


> I find it humorous, please, go on with your adventures ourwater
> 
> well, you definitely shouldnt tell them the truth


The extent they know is that I was raised with a bipolar mother and was abused at age 10. In High School it was reported to the state as age 10 with an armed offense. The doctor that has recently diagnosed me with PTSD does family practice, is not associated with any insurance company, or the state. He operates out of his home. The letter to my school was really taking a risk. I was surprised nobody advised against that. First reply:



ravagingthemassacred said:


> Why do you believe you took drugs so young? The only possible way is if adults around you forced you to


The drugs were really a small scale compared to the abuse that I went through, very small.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I see my endocrinologist in less than a week. I hope that I get a second blood test like last time, and it's normal range.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Sorry, but the only way that I will receive help is if I ask for it. If you read my thread, you will find that I am seeking answers to questions.


For the last time, what questions? There is no coherent, cogent structure to your writing. It's the sort of thing you see in schizophrenia related illnesses.

Of the very many people I've encountered with PTSD and ADHD (myself included), none exhibit the sort of symptoms you do. There is far more going on here. You need the assistance of a psychiatrist. Plain and simple.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Luctor said:


> For the last time, what questions? There is no coherent, cogent structure to your writing. It's the sort of thing you see in schizophrenia related illnesses.
> 
> Of the very many people I've encountered with PTSD and ADHD (myself included), none exhibit the sort of symptoms you do. There is far more going on here. You need the assistance of a psychiatrist. Plain and simple.


What symptoms are you talking about?


----------



## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

ourwater said:


> Sorry, but the only way that I will receive help is if I ask for it. If you read my thread, you will find that I am seeking answers to questions.


Obviously people are missing these questions. Include me here, I'm also kinda baffled. Seems very rambly to me, one statement after another, and what exactly is the purpose of posting childhood photos of yourself and neighbors?

Listen. These questions, apparently the manner in which you asked has us confused. Please try asking them again, in language as plain as you can manage.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

VagueResemblance said:


> Obviously people are missing these questions. Include me here, I'm also kinda baffled. Seems very rambly to me, one statement after another, and what exactly is the purpose of posting childhood photos of yourself and neighbors?


The purpose is to live as functional life as possible. Photos reinforce the explanation for my condition.



> Listen. These questions, apparently the manner in which you asked has us confused. Please try asking them again, in language as plain as you can manage.



The school offers a councilor for each student regardless of any pre existing condition. The question of whether I should tell my school about PTSD or not has been previously answered by my mother, a person that I would rather not consult on this subject.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?



> PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:
> 1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
> Flashbacks-reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
> Bad dreams
> ...


Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)



> What are the symptoms of ADHD in children?
> Inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity are the key behaviors of ADHD. It is normal for all children to be inattentive, hyperactive, or impulsive sometimes, but for children with ADHD, these behaviors are more severe and occur more often. To be diagnosed with the disorder, a child must have symptoms for 6 or more months and to a degree that is greater than other children of the same age.
> Children who have symptoms of inattention may:
> Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
> ...



Do I treat ADHD for work related problems or do I wait until school starts and receive treatment solely for the purpose of study?

Should I continue to collect records? Why are they not available? I can go to the Arthur Center and my previous Doctors office to try to collect more. I have not signed a release form at the Arthur Center.

Then there is also the Grave's Disease subject. If I die there will be a journal so that others will learn from my experience and find an alternative.

I am now self treating myself for PTSD with a Workbook. The Workbook is a newer edition of the Workbook that I used in my previous therapy.

It is my opinion that there is no sufficient method for evaluating mental illness online. There is education and implementation.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> *What symptoms are you talking about?*





Luctor said:


> I have to agree with basuraeuropea here, you're also sharing some very personal information that should probably be kept private.
> 
> Plus, none of what you're saying makes much sense. Maybe it does to you, but to everyone else it's very confusing.





KramersHalfSister said:


> This thread really has me  I agree with everything that busuraeuropea has said thus far, especially the part about seeing a psychiatrist.





VagueResemblance said:


> Seems very rambly to me, one statement after another, and what exactly is the purpose of posting childhood photos of yourself and neighbors?





Luctor said:


> There is no coherent, cogent structure to your writing. It's the sort of thing you see in schizophrenia related illnesses.


these people and i have pointed out the symptoms that are indeed the sort you see in psychotic-related disorders. there is no coherent form to your posts and/or questions, and while i'm sure they make perfect sense to you, it all makes no sense to anyone else. this, compounded with your other threads and posts, particularly the one you've chosen to highlight in your signature regarding your physical health monitoring equipment, is baffling. moreover, a great number suffering from psychosis are completely unaware of their illness http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/177/3/233.long -


> Many patients suffering from psychosis are unaware of their disorder and symptoms.


furthermore, you state that


ourwater said:


> Photos reinforce the explanation for my condition.


 but this has not been the case at all to any outside reader of the thread. you look quite well-adjusted in the photographs, despite whatever mental illness or abuse you may have been suffering from at the time. they aren't indicative in the slightest of said mental illness or abuse.

and when asked to clarify questions by another member,


VagueResemblance said:


> Listen. These questions, apparently the manner in which you asked has us confused. Please try asking them again, in language as plain as you can manage.


 you respond without a question -


ourwater said:


> The school offers a councilor for each student regardless of any pre existing condition. The question of whether I should tell my school about PTSD or not has been previously answered by my mother, a person that I would rather not consult on this subject.


 - in the most esoteric of fashion that further supports the proposition of psychotic-related illness comorbid.

additionally, the above post and many others refer to you as a child in the present as well as childhood criteria for illnesses that you may or may not be diagnosed with. your most recent post lists the criteria for childhood adhd when you are clearly not a child at 34 years of age.

i would highly encourage you to seek a psychiatrist who may be able to properly diagnose you and provide for some relief, as you are obviously in distress. i hope that you take the advice, as your qualify of life may improve drastically as you become aware of the extent of your possible illnesses undiagnosed and perhaps are placed on appropriate medications to treat said possible undiagnosed mental disorders.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> these people and i have pointed out the symptoms that are indeed the sort you see in psychotic-related disorders. there is no coherent form to your posts and/or questions, and while i'm sure they make perfect sense to you, it all makes no sense to anyone else.


You have established nothing. You entire argument is hearsay.



> this, compounded with your other threads and posts, particularly the one you've chosen to highlight in your signature regarding your physical health monitoring equipment, is baffling.


I have medical orders to monitor my vitals.



> moreover, a great number suffering from psychosis are completely unaware of their illness http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/177/3/233.long - furthermore, you state that but this has not been the case at all to any outside reader of the thread. you look quite well-adjusted in the photographs, despite whatever mental illness or abuse you may have been suffering from at the time. they aren't indicative in the slightest of said mental illness or abuse.


Why do you keep changing the subject to my childhood trauma? There is no relation to PTSD and Psychosis in your link..



> and when asked to clarify questions by another member, you respond without a question - - in the most esoteric of fashion that further supports the proposition of psychotic-related illness comorbid.
> 
> additionally, the above post and many others refer to you as a child in the present as well as childhood criteria for illnesses that you may or may not be diagnosed with. your most recent post lists the criteria for childhood adhd when you are clearly not a child at 34 years of age.


Criteria to be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD as an adult requires a pervious diagnoses as a child. Symptoms are the same.



> i would highly encourage you to seek a psychiatrist who may be able to properly diagnose you and provide for some relief, as you are obviously in distress. i hope that you take the advice, as your qualify of life may improve drastically as you become aware of the extent of your possible illnesses undiagnosed and perhaps are placed on appropriate medications to treat said possible undiagnosed mental disorders.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

i wish you the best of luck.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> i wish you the best of luck.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

So ourwater was abused throughout his lifetime and now he comes online and people have to give him crap about his thread? Geez. basuraeuropea and others I think you are exaggerating/looking for something to criticize by saying this thread makes "no sense" to anyone but him. Makes sense to me. Sure, he's using it as more of a blog, but I've seen people do that with threads.

And Quinn the Eskimo finds it "amusing". Why don't you find something other than people's problems to entertain yourself with?


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> So ourwater was abused throughout his lifetime and now he comes online and people have to give him crap about his thread? Geez. basuraeuropea and others I think you are exaggerating/looking for something to criticize by saying this thread makes "no sense" to anyone but him. Makes sense to me. Sure, he's using it as more of a blog, but I've seen people do that with threads.
> 
> And Quinn the Eskimo finds it "amusing". Why don't you find something other than people's problems to entertain yourself with?


quinn the eskimo's post was dripping in sarcasm. duh?

it's clear the op needs help and he isn't getting it. that, and this all should be moved into a blog, if it's in a public thread, then the op should expect comments regarding the contents of his posts.

i'm glad you find it makes sense - perhaps you can go about deciphering through and answering his questions.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

ourwater said:


> Yes, most were adults, some teenagers also gave me drugs. Some of them died in car wrecks, some commited suicide, some were murdered by adults.
> 
> What an unusual question.


First of all, OurWater. This is abuse. If these people were really giving you drugs at age 1 (1979? Good Lord!), this is abuse.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

hikkikomori said:


> So ourwater was abused throughout his lifetime and now he comes online and people have to give him crap about his thread? Geez. basuraeuropea and others I think you are exaggerating/looking for something to criticize by saying this thread makes "no sense" to anyone but him. Makes sense to me. Sure, he's using it as more of a blog, but I've seen people do that with threads.
> 
> And Quinn the Eskimo finds it "amusing". Why don't you find something other than people's problems to entertain yourself with?


Some of it is hard to believe. He mentioned some other things that shocked me, so this is really a "2nd place" surprise.

There's so much testing and a lot of it could only be used by professionals.


----------



## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

@hikkikomori - I pretty much agree. People don't like anything they can't understand. They can't leave such people alone.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Some of it is hard to believe. He mentioned some other things that shocked me, so this is really a "2nd place" surprise.
> 
> There's so much testing and a lot of it could only be used by professionals.


agreed.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> If these people were really giving you drugs at age 1 (1979? Good Lord!), this is abuse.


Yes.

Walking - less than 6 months
Beer in our living room on the coffee table - 1 year
Baseball team parties - 3 years
Neighbor (next to me) heavy hard liquor use - 3 - 7 years
People that I meet online 4 - 8 years old


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Yes.
> 
> Walking - less than 6 months
> Beer in our living room on the coffee table - 1 year
> ...





millenniumman75 said:


> Some of it is hard to believe.


like the above post, for example - while the picture is not relevant at all and no explanation is given as to its inclusion, we'll leave that aside, but he states/implies that drugs and/or liquor were given to him by people he met online between the ages of four and eight. he states that he's 34 - no one was meeting anyone on the internet 26-30 years ago. it just doesn't add up.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

basuraeuropea said:


> like the above post, for example - while the picture is not relevant at all and no explanation is given as to its inclusion, we'll leave that aside, but he states/implies that drugs and/or liquor were given to him by people he met online between the ages of four and eight. he states that he's 34 - no one was meeting anyone on the internet 26-30 years ago. it just doesn't add up.


I wasn't on the Internet for the first time until April 4, 1995 and I am a Computer Science graduate. I know about the Internet stuff. Yeah, something about it doesn't make sense.

The "Internet" itself didn't exist until 1991 and that was a Government entity ("ARPAnet" or something like that").

I can understand seeing a bottle on the table and drinking some. I was seven and saw a cigarette my dad left on a table. One puff, 15 minutes of coughing, and I haven't touched one since......30 years later.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

Are these things your mother is telling you? You did say she has mental issues,perhaps she's unsure of what the truth is.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> like the above post, for example - while the picture is not relevant at all and no explanation is given as to its inclusion, we'll leave that aside, but he states/implies that drugs and/or liquor were given to him by people he met online between the ages of four and eight. he states that he's 34 - no one was meeting anyone on the internet 26-30 years ago. it just doesn't add up.


That is not true. State wide communication by lan line developed in the early 1980's.



millenniumman75 said:


> I wasn't on the Internet for the first time until April 4, 1995 and I am a Computer Science graduate. I know about the Internet stuff. Yeah, something about it doesn't make sense.
> 
> The "Internet" itself didn't exist until 1991 and that was a Government entity ("ARPAnet" or something like that").
> 
> I can understand seeing a bottle on the table and drinking some. I was seven and saw a cigarette my dad left on a table. One puff, 15 minutes of coughing, and I haven't touched one since......30 years later.


I'm already on a medication they give for alcoholism. My father was the executive of a nation wide insurance company for farmers. He travelled to our state capital every day. There was only one position higher in the company.



Still Waters said:


> Are these things your mother is telling you? You did say she has mental issues,perhaps she's unsure of what the truth is.


She is diagnosed with Seasonal affective disorder.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

ourwater said:


> That is not true. State wide communication by lan line developed in the early 1980's.
> 
> I'm already on a medication they give for alcoholism. My father was the executive of a nation wide insurance company for farmers. He travelled to our state capital every day. There was only one position higher in the company.
> 
> She is diagnosed with Seasonal affective disorder.


Personally, I would be overwhelmed by all of this.
There is a lot to work through here. You are seeing a doctor, right?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Personally, I would be overwhelmed by all of this.
> There is a lot to work through here. You are seeing a doctor, right?


I see my endocrinologist tomorrow evening. They should do another test because my heart rate is not tachycardic when I take my Inderal. It was 75 yesterday. My prescription also runs out in 3 months, so I will have to see my doctor. He is a very good doctor. My psychiatrist referred me to him when I was 11 years old, and he knows me well. I have been advised by my mother that I can not see him for the sole purpose of cognitive therapy. I would need to pay for that myself (without insurance), and I am unable to work for now until my endocrinologist releases me.

My school rejected to admit me into therapy funded by the state. I was instead voluntarily given therapy by our school councilor at a very early age. In high school I was given an IEP and I saw a psychiatrist that was very expensive and charged hundreds of dollars per hour. I have a photo of her in a magazine. She re-diagnosed me with ADHD but said that I needed life long therapy for symptoms of autism, agoraphobia, pragmatic speech difficulties and chronic depression. After high school I had some cognitive therapy which helped some.

There were a lot of things going on before with therapy, but right now I am treating Grave's Disease and possible ADHD. It's entirely possible however that I should seek a psychiatrist for the autism or agoraphobia as well. I will have to wait and see.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> like the above post, for example - while the picture is not relevant at all and no explanation is given as to its inclusion, we'll leave that aside, but he states/implies that drugs and/or liquor were given to him by people he met online between the ages of four and eight. he states that he's 34 - no one was meeting anyone on the internet 26-30 years ago. it just doesn't add up.


hmmm... agreed.

"state wide communication by lan line in the 80s". I'm not sure what that means. I believe scientists and the government were communicating via the internet long before the general public. ourwater, I don't see how you at 4 years old were meeting people on the internet in the 80s.

still... his posts aren't complete, psychotic "word salad" and make some sense, despite some of the discrepancies.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> hmmm... agreed.
> 
> "state wide communication by lan line in the 80s". I'm not sure what that means. I believe scientists and the government were communicating via the internet long before the general public. ourwater, I don't see how you at 4 years old were meeting people on the internet in the 80s.
> 
> still... his posts aren't complete, psychotic "word salad" and make some sense, despite some of the discrepancies.


i don't purport to know what mental disorder(s) he has or doesn't have, but rather, as a casual observer, something is off with the content he is presenting to all on a public forum and that something off may range from a psychotic-related disorder to severe autism to a number of disorders comorbid. i don't know. what i do know is that his posts, while not 'word-saladesque' often are indeed nonsensical and esoteric even if they do make sense to him - and i'm positive they do, he has referred to himself as a child at 34 years of age, he shares both information and photographs that are seemingly irrelevant and without explanation while simultaneously weaving in information that is highly personal. when you throw in the huge discrepancies, it all does point to some mental illness and given that he is not currently seeing a psychiatrist (as far as he has told us he is not currently seeing a psychiatrist - he could be, but may be holding a delusional belief to the contrary) he really should be as through his posts alone in this thread and in others, it's clear he needs some sort of psychological/psychiatric evaluation/treatment.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I fit all these symptoms including those on other website that state autoimmune disorders and ADHD is common with autism. Basically, I meet every criteria for diagnosis. http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/symptoms



> Social Challenges
> 
> Typically developing infants are social by nature. They gaze at faces, turn toward voices, grasp a finger and even smile by 2 to 3 months of age. By contrast, most children who develop autism have difficulty engaging in the give-and-take of everyday human interactions.
> 
> ...


unusual hand waving


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> So ourwater was abused throughout his lifetime and now he comes online and people have to give him crap about his thread? Geez. basuraeuropea and others I think you are exaggerating/looking for something to criticize by saying this thread makes "no sense" to anyone but him. Makes sense to me. Sure, he's using it as more of a blog, but I've seen people do that with threads.
> 
> And Quinn the Eskimo finds it "amusing". Why don't you find something other than people's problems to entertain yourself with?


This is a public forum, as such we have every right to question someone who posts in it. Our inquiry was and still is based on concern.

This is very amusing. There is no logic to much of what he says. He seems fixated on the idea that he was abused as a child. A fixation he seems to be trying to prove, but cannot.

He presents in an alarmingly hebephrenic manner and claims not to be seeing a psychiatrist. We weren't "giving him crap", we were trying to get answers out of him, and perhaps to try persuade him to seek proper psychiatric help. Not consultation from his mother, who if his claims of abuse are true, is the last person he should be talking to.

Maybe next time before you jump to someone's defense you should look a little deeper.


----------



## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

^ If you check a page or so back, there are people taking the mick and posting cartoons. People such as the OP can be advised to seek help or explain themselves more clearly without others resorting to disrespect. That includes not getting on their case for being strange, as long as they're not causing harm or breaking guidelines. Criticising their communication style and teasing aren't consistent with respect or support so I don't buy it. 

It could be argued the majority here should get help because this place isn't enough. They all have ill thoughts. They can be advised to get help but it seems anyone with more extreme problems and differences scares people and they're not welcome despite not harming others. There are many who harass other members but they're not called out for their behaviours because they're more normal.

This is more about fear and ignorance. People should deal with it and stop taking it out on those who may be more vulnerable.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

odd_one_out said:


> ^ If you check a page or so back, there are people taking the mick and posting cartoons. People such as the OP can be advised to seek help or explain themselves more clearly without others resorting to disrespect. That includes not getting on their case for being strange, as long as they're not causing harm or breaking guidelines. Criticising their communication style and teasing aren't consistent with respect or support so I don't buy it.
> 
> It could be argued the majority here should get help because this place isn't enough. They all have ill thoughts. They can be advised to get help but it seems anyone with more extreme problems and differences scares people and they're not welcome despite not harming others. There are many who harass other members but they're not called out for their behaviours because they're more normal.
> 
> This is more about fear and ignorance. People should deal with it and stop taking it out on those who may be more vulnerable.


I agree with you that it could've been handled with more sensitivity. This entire thread is full of people trying just that, and getting almost incomprehensible responses. We're not therapists or trained mental health professionals. As such, our interactions became a little more blunt than they probably should have.

This isn't an issue with some greater moral commentary on society, it's a guy on a forum for social anxiety who presents in the manner of someone who may be seriously mentally ill. Our inquisition, gentle at first, grew to be a little insensitive due to frustration. But like I said, we're also just human.

And the point remains, we still have no real answers. No cogent responses. Just what seems to be, quite frankly, fixation to the point of delusion mixed with disconcerting hebephrenia.

People are capable of concern and frustration at the same time.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

I don't mean to be insulting in anyway. I have a relative with autism (I believe the op stated he also has the condition) - From my interactions with the relative,it's not unusual for conversations to have little give and take - It often feels like my relative is more or less throwing information at the listener with little concern about the others participation -interest,responses,opinions etc. It can,at times almost feel like a barrage of info. rather than a true conversation - This might explain,at least partially what we are seeing here.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Luctor said:


> This is a public forum, as such we have every right to question someone who posts in it. Our inquiry was and still is based on concern.
> 
> This is very amusing. There is no logic to much of what he says. He seems fixated on the idea that he was abused as a child. A fixation he seems to be trying to prove, but cannot.
> 
> ...


I don't have to "dig deeper". It's clear that you're backpedaling now, because someone is calling you out on your behavior. Your tone, as well as basuraeuropa and others, seems more confrontational than of concern. Also, as odd one out noted, there were pictures of the Cheshire Cat and references to Alice in Wonderland. It's almost as if you guys really want to "out" him for lying or making up some sort of tall tale, or point out how crazy he is.

And I still don't see how it's "amusing". Odd, maybe, but if you're finding pleasure in it, that's schadenfreude.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> I don't have to "dig deeper". It's clear that you're backpedaling now, because someone is calling you out on your behavior. Your tone, as well as basuraeuropa and others, seems more confrontational than of concern. Also, as odd one out noted, there were pictures of the Cheshire Cat and references to Alice in Wonderland. It's almost as if you guys really want to "out" him for lying or making up some sort of tall tale, or point out how crazy he is.
> 
> And I still don't see how it's "amusing". Odd, maybe, but if you're finding pleasure in it, that's schadenfreude.


i have pointed him in the direction of a psychiatrist countless times, but that idea is either being rejected, ignored, or going in one ear and out the other for reasons unknown.

that aside, it did initially seem as though he was "making up some sort of tall tale" due the huge discrepancies that riddle the thread and the incredulous nature of the posts.

if he is indeed very mentally ill and is not an attention seeker via way of a thread (that is really a blog) that is interesting, to say the least, due to the aforementioned, then i apologize, and again suggest he seek professional help.

that said, i was never expecting to encounter someone potentially as mentally ill as he may be on a site devoted to social anxiety support, and as such it threw me off as there are many posts/threads on this site that are attention-seeking in nature. it now appears after trying to rationalize with him that he may be in need of much greater help than anyone on this site can offer him. and it appears that the help he is getting from his endocrinologist and general practitioner aren't sufficient either.

apologies, ourwater. i suggest once again you seek psychological evaluation.


----------



## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

Something is definitely not right here.
Ourwater. Get professional help. You have the potential to cause yourself serious damage here. You want to lead a normal life, whatever exactly that is? You and your mother cannot manage this alone any more than you could cure a broken leg by watching your diet. 

The degree of obsessive self-analysis is disturbing, honestly. 'Unusual hand waving?' What exactly is that supposed to be...and how are people supposed to see that from three still photos? People are a gestalt of their characteristics and behaviors and here you are providing three still photos of a kid gesturing. What are those supposed to show? They are not a data point.

Except to someone so determined to make them relevant that their judgment is impaired. That's you. Please. Seek professional help.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> I don't have to "dig deeper". It's clear that you're backpedaling now, because someone is calling you out on your behavior. Your tone, as well as basuraeuropa and others, seems more confrontational than of concern. Also, as odd one out noted, there were pictures of the Cheshire Cat and references to Alice in Wonderland. It's almost as if you guys really want to "out" him for lying or making up some sort of tall tale, or point out how crazy he is.
> 
> And I still don't see how it's "amusing". Odd, maybe, but if you're finding pleasure in it, that's schadenfreude.


Back pedalling? Haha. Go away troll.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

VagueResemblance said:


> Something is definitely not right here.
> Ourwater. Get professional help. You have the potential to cause yourself serious damage here. You want to lead a normal life, whatever exactly that is? You and your mother cannot manage this alone any more than you could cure a broken leg by watching your diet.
> 
> The degree of obsessive self-analysis is disturbing, honestly. 'Unusual hand waving?' What exactly is that supposed to be...and how are people supposed to see that from three still photos? People are a gestalt of their characteristics and behaviors and here you are providing three still photos of a kid gesturing. What are those supposed to show? They are not a data point.
> ...


My conditions are consistent with autism. I have written record by a psychiatrist for the condition. I agree there is also other noticeable symptoms. I can only conclude those have already been discovered as none other mental illnesses manifest this late in life. My psychiatrist recommended treatment specific for autism and to determine the exact type that I have.

I was given another blood test and am now awaiting results.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Back pedalling? Haha. Go away troll.


I'm not trolling. I reread the thread more thoroughly and noticed that most of your posts did have a compassionate tone. So I apologize if it appears I was picking on you.

I still feel though that the insinuations that ourwater is psychotic or schizophrenic are a bit hyperbolic. We've all heard much crazier non-sensical ramblings and rantings from people suffering from those types of illnesses.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> I'm not trolling. I reread the thread more thoroughly and noticed that most of your posts did have a compassionate tone. So I apologize if it appears I was picking on you.
> 
> I still feel though that the insinuations that ourwater is psychotic or schizophrenic are a bit hyperbolic. We've all heard much crazier non-sensical ramblings and rantings from people suffering from those types of illnesses.


Quite honestly though, I would recommended you ignore them. It is a bad idea to treat someone like this that so much as mentions suicide.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

You got some dumb parents who never value their child.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

visualkeirockstar said:


> You got some dumb parents who never value their child.


Million dollar homes.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My mother told me to look for a psychologist that specializes in autism. She said she would pay for it.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm now on Methimazole PO 10 mg bid. The results for my third blood test came back high. The medication is for a few months until I can get another treatment.

My doctor wants a letter to him describing why he is referring me to the center for Autism and Neurological Disorders.

*"Review of his MRI scan reveals a very slight region of enhancement deep in the right frontal parietal region. This most likely represents a capillary hemangioma versus venous angioma or early malformation." *It makes things a little easier since there is a diagnoses for physical/other health impairment _and problems related to possible early development show in a MRI_.

Then there are the list of problems under "Formal Evaluation", and "Background Information", which all occurred without any screening for aspergers or higher functioning autism.

Hopefully I can address some of these issues and ADHD as well.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The doctor has faxed the referral form with some other information including:

Diagnostic Summary from 1996 with pages:


Diagnoses
Test summary results and Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Adults full results
Peabody Picture Vocabulary Test full results
Formal Evaluation
Background Information
Letter from neurology to my doctor summarizing my MRI results

Provided by my doctor also included were:


Recent notes and labs


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I got in the mail today my admission forms and information from the Center for Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disorders.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

This whole thread is completely and utterly bizarre...

Please seek professional help, OurWater.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

There is one professional at the center that works with adults.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I go outside to watch the fire department and look who it is I see. It's the alcohol forcing abuser at the end of my street.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I start full-time work again tomorrow morning.


----------



## Anon1992 (Sep 10, 2012)

This thread is interesting to say the least. At least to me it let's me see what is going on in the mind of someone who clearly has some sort of illness. Maybe he has schizophrenia, or maybe he just has a severe form of autism. But I felt the way some people treated this guy was a little unnecessary. Yes he needs help, and yes he needs to see a doctor. But he doesn't need to be compared to a fictional cat in alice in wonderland, and he doesn't need to be told to get the hell out of here because we don't understand him.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Its only possible you were force or not smart enough to think for yourself.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Anon1992 said:


> This thread is interesting to say the least. At least to me it let's me see what is going on in the mind of someone who clearly has some sort of illness. Maybe he has schizophrenia, or maybe he just has a severe form of autism. But I felt the way some people treated this guy was a little unnecessary. Yes he needs help, and yes he needs to see a doctor. But he doesn't need to be compared to a fictional cat in alice in wonderland, and he doesn't need to be told to get the hell out of here because we don't understand him.


I think your going off-topic. My uncle has schizophrenia and has been battling cancer for some time now. He could die. My cousin, his son, is diagnosed with ADHD.

Did you mean less severe autism, such as in PDD-NOS?

http://www.autismspeaks.org/science...ition-autism-spectrum-disorder/frequently-ask

I never was able to perform the follow up MRI that discovered my problem in my parietal lobe. Science currently points to the frontal lobe as being responsible for schizophrenia. That's another part of the brain unrelated to the effects of alcohol or abuse.









http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/issue_briefs/brain_development/effects.cfm#effects


> *Long-Term Effects of Abuse and Neglect*
> 
> Some of the specific long-term effects of abuse and neglect on the developing brain can include (Teicher, 2000):
> 
> ...


http://www.ama-assn.org/resources/doc/alcohol/harmful_consequences.pdf



visualkeirockstar said:


> Its only possible you were force or not smart enough to think for yourself.


The evidence does not lie. I liked drinking.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Mr. Water, you sir are stuck in the past. What do you do all day bro, go through old photos, medical records, letters to family members etc. and just try to dissect your past to understand yourself? My i suggest NOT doing that? Hell, my guess is that you already understand yourself. So what's the point really in digging up the past just to see what you are a product of? 
I'm like the others in that i fail to see what you're seeking from us for advice. the only thing i can think of is the thread title itself "how is this possible?". How is what possible exactly? 
At any rate...you seem cool man. I'd like to hang with you, i'll bet you're a riot.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> the only thing i can think of is the thread title itself "how is this possible?". How is what possible exactly?


I am currently in a high state of anxiety before work which starts this morning. Your assessment is not appropriate to the situation.

I suggest you read the thread.

You may also want to review the purposed changes in the DSM-5 as it relates to neurodevelopmental disorders, one of which I am currently diagnosed with, being ADHD.

http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pages/NeurodevelopmentalDisorders.aspx.

Your lack of coherence in understanding the purpose of my thread is perplexing. This is the "Secondary Disorders" area of the forum.


----------



## Anon1992 (Sep 10, 2012)

I take back what I said about the OP. You really have a problem, and you shouldn't attack others for asking you simple questions like what the point of this thread is. Nobody understands it but you. Don't you find that strange? Your findings and constant running through old photos and documents will lead you to no Epiphany, and will not solve any disorder you have, or think you have. So what is the point? Everything you are looking at is junk. It is useless information. What you need to do, is take the advice of everybody here, and go see psychiatric help. You said your uncle had schizophrenia. That is interesting because that mental illness can be hereditary and I don't doubt that you have some form of it.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

ourwater said:


> I have drank alcohol since age one, hard liquor age two. I did meth and cocaine when I was five, and LSD and crack when I was seven. I have photos of myself with beer in the photo of myself when I was five, photos of myself with wine age four or so, and more beer photos around eleven or thirteen. I have home movies of myself talking about gay men, but I erased ones that involved myself talking about abuse. There are a lot of home movies of myself while I have been drinking as a kid. I would estimate 4 or 5 hours worth counting the Super 8. Someone please explain to me how this is possible.


I guess it's possible because somebody gave you drugs and you took them. Took a dozen pages to get a straight answer, well there ya go. 



ourwater said:


> I am currently in a high state of anxiety before work which starts this morning. Your assessment is not appropriate to the situation.
> 
> I suggest you read the thread.
> 
> ...


DSM-5 blah blah. Do you know the purpose of your thread yourself ourwater? That's the more important question. I'm not shocked that you are perplexed. It's a strange world homie. LOL...
I try to give you advice AND a compliment and you defecate all over it. Last time that will happen i can assure you.
*ATTENTION FOLKS... SHOWS OVER. HES GOT THIS ONE COVERED HIMSELF*


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> *ATTENTION FOLKS... SHOWS OVER. HES GOT THIS ONE COVERED HIMSELF*


Congratulations. You finally understand our frustration. :clap


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> *ATTENTION FOLKS... SHOWS OVER. HES GOT THIS ONE COVERED HIMSELF*


If it seems like I am complaining it is because I am. I went to a physician and spoke with psychiatrists, but the Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disorder Center is not more than four years old. It would have been near impossible for me to have considered treatment before then.

I know my rights, and I would have already been there.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My HRM runs normal most of the time I have been working. It runs tachycardic when I am walking for awhile, which worries me since it is good in the morning. Checking for abnormal blood pressure response things seem alright. The difficulties that I am having with memory and attention need addressing. The symptoms are in somewhat part due to drowsiness caused by my antithyroid medication. In spite of this I was able to function on a better cognitive level after a small dose of 5 mg while taking my Inderal, and with a small cup of coffee to keep me alert.


----------



## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

If I may, ourwater, the point of this thread is to piece together What Happened in ourwater's mind, and in doing so, be met with validation from those who understand and support him in his recovery, because acknowledging the validity of one's own abusive childhood is a terribly difficult and time consuming, but often necessary, task.

Hypervigiliance by ourwater is likely due to PTSD as a result of the severe, lifelong trauma experienced.

The flippant responses by some are understandable, but also callous and non-productive.

I like your user name, ourwater. It's clever.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Rufus said:


> If I may, ourwater, the point of this thread is to piece together What Happened in ourwater's mind, and in doing so, be met with validation from those who understand and support him in his recovery, because acknowledging the validity of one's own abusive childhood is a terribly difficult and time consuming, but often necessary, task.
> 
> Hypervigiliance by ourwater is likely due to PTSD as a result of the severe, lifelong trauma experienced.
> 
> The flippant responses by some are understandable, but also callous and non-productive.


I agree with that. I keep on my guard whether it means that I succeed or not. Learning to cope early in my childhood and on my own, it's likely that I did not learn the most effective ways for coping with trauma, but alas, I own them.



> I like your user name, ourwater. It's clever.


Thank you.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Mr. Water, you sir are stuck in the past. What do you do all day bro, go through old photos, medical records, letters to family members etc. and just try to dissect your past to understand yourself? My i suggest NOT doing that? Hell, my guess is that you already understand yourself. So what's the point really in digging up the past just to see what you are a product of?
> I'm like the others in that i fail to see what you're seeking from us for advice. the only thing i can think of is the thread title itself "how is this possible?". How is what possible exactly?
> At any rate...you seem cool man. I'd like to hang with you, i'll bet you're a riot.





ourwater said:


> I am currently in a high state of anxiety before work which starts this morning. Your assessment is not appropriate to the situation.
> 
> I suggest you read the thread.
> 
> ...





Anon1992 said:


> I take back what I said about the OP. You really have a problem, and you shouldn't attack others for asking you simple questions like what the point of this thread is. Nobody understands it but you. Don't you find that strange? Your findings and constant running through old photos and documents will lead you to no Epiphany, and will not solve any disorder you have, or think you have. So what is the point? Everything you are looking at is junk. It is useless information. What you need to do, is take the advice of everybody here, and go see psychiatric help. You said your uncle had schizophrenia. That is interesting because that mental illness can be hereditary and I don't doubt that you have some form of it.


SomebodyWakeMe's post was completely condescending. "I'd love to hang out with you, I bet you're a riot". What the hell does that mean? You strike me as someone who likes to laugh at other's who act differently.

So it's no surprise ourwater responded as he did. And I don't think his response can be labelled as "attacking others".


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> I guess it's possible because somebody gave you drugs and you took them. Took a dozen pages to get a straight answer, well there ya go.
> 
> DSM-5 blah blah. Do you know the purpose of your thread yourself ourwater? That's the more important question. I'm not shocked that you are perplexed. It's a strange world homie. LOL...
> I try to give you advice AND a compliment and you defecate all over it. Last time that will happen i can assure you.
> *ATTENTION FOLKS... SHOWS OVER. HES GOT THIS ONE COVERED HIMSELF*


"It's a strange world, homie LOL". GTFO


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> I try to give you advice AND a compliment and you defecate all over it. Last time that will happen i can assure you.


Your "compliment" was mockery in disguise.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

hikkikomori said:


> SomebodyWakeMe's post was completely condescending. "I'd love to hang out with you, I bet you're a riot". What the hell does that mean? You strike me as someone who likes to laugh at other's who act differently.
> 
> So it's no surprise ourwater responded as he did. And I don't think his response can be labelled as "attacking others".


Yea, and you strike me as someone who has poor judge of character. Eh what can ya do.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The family tree is done for my application. There is record for 45 members of my family.

More books:


_The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome_ by Tony Attwood
_The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy_ by Joohn P. Forsth, PH. D., and Georg H. Eifert, PH. D.

_Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think_ by Dennis Greenberger, PhD., and Christine A. Padesky, PhD
_Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and Updated: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized _by Susan C Pinsky

I'm on page 37 for _The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse_. Like my last edition, this is getting no written entries.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> Your "compliment" was mockery in disguise.


You're quite combative. Are you bored or just an ***?


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Luctor said:


> You're quite combative. Are you bored or just an ***?


Am I wrong in calling out SomebodyWakeMe?

And I apologized to you in an earlier post. In this thread.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> Am I wrong in calling out SomebodyWakeMe?
> 
> And I apologized to you in an earlier post. In this thread.


Yeah but it seems a theme in your posts. SomebodyWakeMe was trying to be nice. Ourwater dismissed him quite rudely. "Calling him out" was unnecessary. I think you've read him all wrong.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

i now e-know both of you and you're both nice people with good intentions. cease fire!


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> i now e-know both of you and you're both nice people with good intentions. cease fire!


I'll just stop now out of respect for the OP.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

hikkikomori said:


> Am I wrong in calling out SomebodyWakeMe?
> 
> And I apologized to you in an earlier post. In this thread.


That's great, now you should be apologizing to me for making me out to be a monster. Before you call someone out (if that's what you want to call what happened) you should make sure you claims aren't completely bogus. A simple "i'm sorry" should be sufficient.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Here are some home movies of myself with my family. This was taken when I was about 5 or 6. It may give you an idea of what my behavior was like at the time.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> you look quite well-adjusted in the photographs, despite whatever mental illness or abuse you may have been suffering from at the time. they aren't indicative in the slightest of said mental illness or abuse.


Is this still your opinion?


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Ourwater, i've figured it out man! You are the way you are because you had cameras pointed at you since birth man! That's gotta be it!


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Ourwater, i've figured it out man! You are the way you are because you had cameras pointed at you since birth man! That's gotta be it!


My parents and their brothers and sisters = 10 hours, myself = 30 minutes. Disgraceful analysis.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

ourwater said:


> My parents and their brothers and sisters = 10 hours, myself = 30 minutes. Disgraceful analysis.


I think you just agreed with me, but i'm not sure.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> That's great, now you should be apologizing to me for making me out to be a monster. Before you call someone out (if that's what you want to call what happened) you should make sure you claims aren't completely bogus. A simple "i'm sorry" should be sufficient.


No.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> I think you just agreed with me, but i'm not sure.


I am too complicated a person for SomebodyWakeME.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> I think you just agreed with me, but i'm not sure.


I think he's trying to say the camera was on his relatives for the most part, not him.

ourwater, are you trying to see if you acted abnormal as a kid due to being fed drugs and alcohol? Your behavior in these videos doesn't seem any different from any other kids.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

Do you look at family photos and videos a bit too much?


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Still Waters said:


> Do you look at family photos and videos a bit too much?


I actually went through a similar phase, although not to the extent that ourwater has taken it.

I'd look at old report cards and photos and videos trying to see if there was some "answer" to explain the way I am now.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm still waiting for your reply basuraeuropea. 

I am starting to think this member just wants me to leave, and nothing else.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

ourwater said:


> My parents and their brothers and sisters = 10 hours, myself = 30 minutes. Disgraceful analysis.





hikkikomori said:


> I think he's trying to say the camera was on his relatives for the most part, not him.
> 
> ourwater, are you trying to see if you acted abnormal as a kid due to being fed drugs and alcohol? Your behavior in these videos doesn't seem any different from any other kids.


Oh is that what he was saying? Seems irrelevant anyways. "hikki" i accept your apology. thank you.

to ourwater....Some people like being under a microscope for future generations and being documented throughout their lives. Others may react negatively to far less of the same. But thanks for shooting down everything i suggest, bub. With hostility at that. You seem to be quite sure for someone who seems to know so little about himself to begin with.

You know what, i was skeptical of this thread to begin with. But the nonsense responses to other people's posts pretty much clears things up. The original post was never meant to be genuine to begin with.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> I think he's trying to say the camera was on his relatives for the most part, not him.


I am showing that the only word I said was hi in the videos. There is also something wrong with my body language. I feel like I am being interrogated as someone that is an "attention seeker", so I must validate the PTSD diagnoses for myself.



> ourwater, are you trying to see if you acted abnormal as a kid due to being fed drugs and alcohol? Your behavior in these videos doesn't seem any different from any other kids.


No, I have tried to post these three videos before. (not this forum) ^


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

If you were fed drugs and alcohol from such a young age-How could it be no one noticed this? It certainly seems based on the photos etc., that you were around others and out and about quite a lot. Could you mistaken or confused? Also,it isn't unusual with autism disorders for there to be communication delays.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Still Waters said:


> If you were fed drugs and alcohol from such a young age-How could it be no one noticed this? It certainly seems based on the photos etc., that you were around others and out and about quite a lot. Could you mistaken or confused? Also,it isn't unusual with autism disorders for there to be communication delays.


I was frightened. I made an attempt at finding some record of this not long ago.



ourwater said:


> I visited my elementary schools, but I don't really don't need those records for an IEP. I think the records are at my last elementary school, I wrote I was going to hurt myself on one of my papers, had to talk to the FBI. My Junior High School said they only keep records for seven years, but they would check for data somewhere else. None of that is really relevant to my IEP.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Is this still your opinion?


yeah, ourwater, unfortunately, although i know it's not what you want to hear, it is still my opinion. i don't see any deviance from the norm in the videos you posted. that's not to say that you didn't and don't have problems, and that you are not actively trying to work through them.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> yeah, ourwater, unfortunately, although i know it's not what you want to hear, it is still my opinion. i don't see any deviance from the norm in the videos you posted. that's not to say that you didn't and don't have problems, and that you are not actively trying to work through them.


I am not posting pictures of myself that are of sexual nature as a child for the purposes of demonstrating my child abuse. It's not going to happen. If a video of myself scared for my life is not enough, then you will never be content that I have problems it seems.


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

basuraeuropea said:


> yeah, ourwater, unfortunately, although i know it's not what you want to hear, it is still my opinion. i don't see any deviance from the norm in the videos you posted. that's not to say that you didn't and don't have problems, and that you are not actively trying to work through them.


Look at the parents though, videotaping everything. The kid clearly shows his opposition to the camera a few times. "mommy is still camera-ing me even while i walk". In the video with the go kart "gimme your camera!" then starts kicking rocks at whoever is recording. The parent's forcing the cat into the shot with young ourwater unwrapping presents.... The whole thing seems creepy. I feel bad for the kid. Seems like his best friend and worst enemy was a photo lens.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

If there's video or pictures of sexual abuse then you should take that evidence to the police.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Look at the parents though, videotaping everything. The kid clearly shows his opposition to the camera a few times. "mommy is still camera-ing me even while i walk". In the video with the go cart "gimme your camera!" then starts kicking rocks at whoever is recording. The parent's forcing the cat into the shot with young ourwater unwrapping presents.... The whole thing seems creepy. I feel bad for the kid. Seems like his best friend and worst enemy was a photo lens.





Still Waters said:


> If there's video or pictures of sexual abuse then you should take that evidence to the police.


My fork, it's not working. No, I don't think they would be considered as evidence in a court of law.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I am not posting pictures of myself that are of sexual nature as a child for the purposes of demonstrating my child abuse. It's not going to happen. If a video of myself scared for my life is not enough, then you will never be content that I have problems it seems.


i'm not asking you to post any photograph of yourself and i strongly believe you do have problems, although my contentedness has nothing to do with you demonstrating them or their source to me as your problems are clearly expressed through your posts.

i failed to see the amount of fear you were purportedly feeling in your posted video, as it isn't apparent.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> i failed to see the amount of fear you were purportedly feeling in your posted video, as it isn't apparent.


But it is National Child Abuse Prevention Month.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

ourwater-From the pictures and video I've seen nothing really seems out of the ordinary-you're hoping people will pick up on something that doesn't seem to be evident. I still don't understand exactly how you could have been on all these drugs and alcohol as a child and yet it was never noticed?? This is all very confusing. I hope you're talking to a therapist and getting help for your issues though. Take Care.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Still Waters said:


> ourwater-From the pictures and video I've seen nothing really seems out of the ordinary-you're hoping people will pick up on something that doesn't seem to be evident. I still don't understand exactly how you could have been on all these drugs and alcohol as a child and yet it was never noticed?? This is all very confusing. I hope you're talking to a therapist and getting help for your issues though. Take Care.





ourwater said:


> Here are some home movies of myself with my family. This was taken when I was about 5 or 6. It may give you an idea of what my behavior was like at the time.


Yes, I'm expecting people will notice why the child abuse I experienced was allowed to continue.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

But,we're not seeing any abuse in the videos.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Still Waters said:


> But,we're not seeing any abuse in the videos.


The other boy you see in the video was abused by his father, and also killed in a drunk driving accident at the age of 20.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Let's see if anyone is willing to accept his death, and whether or not they decide to be rude about it.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Curiouser and Curiouser. 

Ourwater, do you feel you've made any positive progress since starting this thread? Has it helped in any way? 

Your posts and answers, while still relatively cryptic, have certainly become more lucid.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Your posts and answers, while still relatively cryptic, have certainly become more lucid.


they have?


----------



## Rubixkoob (Sep 17, 2012)

o_o


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I am nearly done tracing my family history in ink. I will try and finish the rest of my forms today and get it mailed.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Forms filled out, IEP copied and included, family tree done. Everything is copied for my records. It will be delivered from the post office tomorrow.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I had blood work done at my own request today, and since my endocrinologist was there. My lab results are consistent with hypothyroidism, and I am supposed to stop taking my Methimazole. That seems like it was kind of fast.

They want me to wait and get another test done for next appointment, which I requested be moved sooner. They explained that my levels will plane out. I'm terrible when it comes to gaining weight. I have what is described as extreme flat feet and my left foot has hyperpronation. When I stand up from a sitting position the back of my legs have a piercing pain, and I can't walk. My back muscles feel tense also. I have done squats, and I'm using my ab roller and running daily. Someone asked me the other day if I was loosing weight. I said no, I have gained weight. I just want this to be over with, and I don't want to live with ADHD or Autism problems.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

earlier in the thread you stated you were being treated for hyperthyroidism. now you're stating you were being treated for hypothyroidism with methimazole? 

contradictory.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> earlier in the thread you stated you were being treated for hyperthyroidism. now you're stating you were being treated for hypothyroidism with methimazole?
> 
> contradictory.





ourwater said:


> I'm now on Methimazole PO 10 mg bid. The results for my third blood test came back high. The medication is for a few months until I can get another treatment.


Methimazole is an anti-thyroid medication. The goal of my treatment is to have normal range, not Hypothyroidism. My levels are then expected to be balanced with a thyroxine replacement medication. They can then consider treating me with a stimulant for ADHD.

The endocrinologist told me to contact him in the occurrence I experienced symptoms of hypothyroidism. I called the diabetes clinic and left a message wednesday. I got a message left on my phone thursday from my endocrinologist to call and speak to him. Since I am 135 lbs, I just went to the clinic.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Methimazole is an anti-thyroid medication. The goal of my treatment is to have normal range, not Hypothyroidism. My levels are then expected to be balanced with a thyroxine replacement medication. They can then consider treating me with a stimulant for ADHD.
> 
> The endocrinologist told me to contact him in the occurrence I experienced symptoms of hypothyroidism. I called the diabetes clinic and left a message wednesday. I got a message left on my phone thursday from my endocrinologist to call and speak to him. Since I am 135 lbs, I just went to the clinic.


so you went from suffering from hyperthyroidism to suffering from hypothyroidism in a matter of months?

why are you involved with a diabetes clinic?

and what does your weight have to do with anything?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> so you went from suffering from hyperthyroidism to suffering from hypothyroidism in a matter of months?


Correct, I received a radioactive iodine treatment. It's mentioned on page 1.


ourwater said:


> I am doing the obliteration by means of radioactive iodine. If the first test does not work I will have a second, the next day I believe..





basuraeuropea said:


> why are you involved with a diabetes clinic?


That is the clinic name in the hospital where endocrinology is located.

Before treatment I was 109 lbs. 135 lbs is more than my usual weight. A common symptom of hypothyroidism is weight gain.



basuraeuropea said:


> and what does your weight have to do with anything?


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

oh, okay. it would make it a lot easier for people to understand if you were to explain the relevance of, say, your weight, for instance, within the post above or why it was even mentioned. otherwise it sounds, well, irrelevant and muddled. small but confusing details embedded within your posts make them quite difficult to decipher.

but more importantly, why did you quote me saying something that you said and i didn't?

edit: thanks for correcting.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> otherwise it sounds, well, irrelevant and muddled.


Hypo = low. I explained that my TSH is consistent with low levels. Low TSH means that your metabolism is lowered, thus you will gain weight. Hope that helps.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Hypo = low. I explained that my TSH is consistent with low levels. Low TSH means that your metabolism is lowered, thus you will gain weight. Hope that helps.


oh, i'm quite aware of the pathology behind thyroid disease (and thyroid-related autoimmune diseases, for that matter, e.g. hashimoto's, cushing's, et al.), the differences between hypo- and hyperthyroidism and their respective treatment strategies. but again, if you'll read my previous post, your contributions to your own thread can be extremely difficult to sift through for reasons aforementioned.

but you're misinformed about low levels of tsh. low levels of tsh are associated with hyperthyroidism, not hypothyroidism. it's counterintuitive, but the respective disorders have an inverse relationship with the levels of thyroid stimulating hormone present.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> but you're misinformed about low levels of tsh.





> My levels are then expected to be balanced with a thyroxine replacement medication. They can then consider treating me with a stimulant for ADHD.


What source are you using to find this misinformation? Nobody said TSH levels anywhere in this thread. The name of the test is a TSH Test. Levels that I have been indicating throughout the thread are for T4 levels. They were not meant to deviate from my previous post. It's what we always call test that measure TSH, T4, and T3.

http://www.thyroid.org/wp-content/uploads/patients/brochures/FunctionTests_brochure.pdf

It seems you are not used to seeing it called that.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Hypo = low. I explained that my TSH is consistent with low levels. *Low TSH means that your metabolism is lowered, thus you will gain weight.* Hope that helps.


that. if you meant t4 then you need to specify, if you meant t3, then you need to specify, because tsh is in itself a value separate from t4 and t3 and abnormally low levels of tsh are associated with hyperthyroidism, abnormally high levels being associated with hypothyroidism. the relationship between the disorders and the levels of tsh is inverse.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I missed my dentist appointment, and have not rescheduled for a week. They want to check my retainer. Yeah, sorry dentist, I'm too busy with language and communication problems, I don't have time for you to check my teeth, sorrrry.


----------



## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

whats your question?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Kakumbus said:


> whats your question?


Nothing at this time. It should be rather uneventful, at least for awhile. I will try and keep this thread updated whether or not I am able to receive help.

I'm elaborating on the aforementioned topics for anyone that decides to read. In summary, these are:


Waiting for a response from the center for Autism & Neurodevelopmental Disorders
Develop Treatment for and Diagnosis areas of concern related to Autism
See my endocrinologist for evaluation/blood test October 12
Talk to my Doctor or the Autism center for ADHD related treatment by the end of the year
Contact the school to determine the findings of the committee
Develop treatment strategies for PTSD


----------



## TakeOne (Jun 28, 2012)

If you're looking for answers for what has caused your disorder, it will be hard to find them here. This is far beyond what a lot of people can deal with. You need serious psychiatric help for that.

I do feel your frustration though, and I hope that you stay strong and eventually find the help you need. Good luck man. 

That's a really nice quote in your signature by the way.


----------



## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

Man, skimming through, it seems that you may be showing signs of schizophrenia. Regardless of your thyroid issues or what not, you are exhibiting signs of delusional thinking. Thoughts of persecution as well as incoherent thoughts. There's a lot of non-sequiturs here which are confusing people. Ultimately you need to let a psychiatrist help you and not self diagnose using the internet.

Just because you have pictures with alcohol nearby or holding it, doesn't mean you drank it. For example, it appears you are camping and there's a beer nearby. This beer could have been placed down by someone else while they take your pic or gather firewood. Otherwise most people hold the beer in their hand the entire time while drinking and sitting, they don't set it aside that far from reach. Drinking at the age of 1 and continuing to do so would cause underdeveloped organs and brain matter. It would show in tests. You would also have deficiencies in nutrients as alcohol would severely impact absorption. Your sex organs would also be severely underdeveloped. Your upper lip would not develop properly and the philtrum would also stop developing, similar to alcohol fetal syndrome. 

Even if you somehow magically find out that it's true you were abusing alcohol, drugs, etc.. This won't fix your issue. You need to see a psychiatrist and doctors and they will notice abnormalities and do what's needed to keep you healthy.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

TakeOne said:


> If you're looking for answers for what has caused your disorder, it will be hard to find them here. This is far beyond what a lot of people can deal with. You need serious psychiatric help for that.


I hope that one day, they are able to screen and identify those with similar problems. I don't mean to screen millions of two year olds, but it seems like they can do something.



> I do feel your frustration though, and I hope that you stay strong and eventually find the help you need. Good luck man.
> 
> That's a really nice quote in your signature by the way.


Thanks.



kehcorpz said:


> Regardless of your thyroid issues or what not, you are exhibiting signs of delusional thinking.


I work with mostly alzheimer's patients.



> Drinking at the age of 1 and continuing to do so would cause underdeveloped organs and brain matter. It would show in tests. You would also have deficiencies in nutrients as alcohol would severely impact absorption. Your sex organs would also be severely underdeveloped. Your upper lip would not develop properly and the philtrum would also stop developing, similar to alcohol fetal syndrome.


Drinking a couple beers once or twice a week isn't going to cause anything similar to fetal alcohol syndrome in a toddler. For that matter, being forced to drink shots of hard liquor when you're 7 isn't going to be reprehensible for a measurable damage on the bodies biology in 1985. The technology that exist today was not there.



> Even if you somehow magically find out that it's true you were abusing alcohol, drugs, etc.. This won't fix your issue. You need to see a psychiatrist and doctors and they will notice abnormalities and do what's needed to keep you healthy.


What I have recently done is completely new. In 2011 I did not tell my neurologist that I drank alcohol at all. I have submitted to the same University that I have suffered alcoholism, and that I drank when I was two. They have records for me from my mothers records since birth. I expect it is likely they will take this seriously. I was placed in an incubation chamber for hypoglycemia.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Here is some information about hypoglycemia in newborns. I had tremors and they tested my blood sugar. I wasn't in the incubation chamber very long.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007306.htm


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

I fully realize that pictures can't tell an entire story.- Still,one thing I'm continually struck by when I look at the pictures of you around this site - You always appear clean,well dressed,you appear to be at a healthy weight-you don't appear to be denied toys,presents,when near water you consistently have on a life jacket - seems as if you went on trips,outings etc. - Parents are usually holding you,holding your hand or looking on adoringly at you-It's difficult to visualize these same parents forcing alcohol and drugs upon you. I'm not saying it's untrue,just seems odd.


----------



## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

kehcorpz said:


> Man, skimming through, it seems that you may be showing signs of schizophrenia. Regardless of your thyroid issues or what not, you are exhibiting signs of delusional thinking. Thoughts of persecution as well as incoherent thoughts. There's a lot of non-sequiturs here which are confusing people. Ultimately you need to let a psychiatrist help you and not self diagnose using the internet.
> 
> Just because you have pictures with alcohol nearby or holding it, doesn't mean you drank it. For example, it appears you are camping and there's a beer nearby. This beer could have been placed down by someone else while they take your pic or gather firewood. Otherwise most people hold the beer in their hand the entire time while drinking and sitting, they don't set it aside that far from reach. Drinking at the age of 1 and continuing to do so would cause underdeveloped organs and brain matter. It would show in tests. You would also have deficiencies in nutrients as alcohol would severely impact absorption. Your sex organs would also be severely underdeveloped. Your upper lip would not develop properly and the philtrum would also stop developing, similar to alcohol fetal syndrome.
> 
> Even if you somehow magically find out that it's true you were abusing alcohol, drugs, etc.. This won't fix your issue. You need to see a psychiatrist and doctors and they will notice abnormalities and do what's needed to keep you healthy.


This is a very succinct and accurate post. Just think about what you're saying. Doesn't it sound very unusual? The content of many posts you've made is very confusing and bizarre. You've also mentioned that you're having difficulty communicating? Your unwillingness to question your unusual beliefs in the absence of evidence and contrary opinions suggests delusional thinking.

I'm genuinely concerned for you. You seem to be functioning okay right now, but something does not seem right. Have you seen a psychiatrist recently? It wouldn't hurt to discuss all of this with him/her and to have an evaluation. You should direct him/her to this thread specifically. Good luck.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Still Waters said:


> You always appear clean,well dressed,you appear to be at a healthy weight-you don't appear to be denied toys,presents,when near water you consistently have on a life jacket - seems as if you went on trips,outings etc. - Parents are usually holding you,holding your hand or looking on adoringly at you-It's difficult to visualize these same parents forcing alcohol and drugs upon you.


We have a bar in our basement. That should be a red flag. No life jacket, yes I have photos with no life jacket.









No comment about the hypoglycemia I had when I was born? Seemed like an interesting subject to me.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

whattothink said:


> Your unwillingness to question your unusual beliefs in the absence of evidence and contrary opinions suggests delusional thinking.


Delusional thinking is not a sign of mental illness necessarily. Not to be rude, but it's my opinion that you are being presumptuous.



> I'm genuinely concerned for you. You seem to be functioning okay right now, but something does not seem right. Have you seen a psychiatrist recently? It wouldn't hurt to discuss all of this with him/her and to have an evaluation. You should direct him/her to this thread specifically. Good luck.


Yes, I was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. If by discussing "all of this" you mean "delusions", that won't happen. I will walk out the session.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

According to this, I should have been home within hours after I was born. They tried to send my mother home, and I was in the hospital for a week. My mother said I had pricks all over my feet. What the hell happened I wonder?

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/labourandbirth/hospital-stay-after-birth/


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My father brought my baby book home Monday so that I could send the information to the Neurodevelopmental Center that I was unable to complete in my request forms. I sent it off Tuesday. Research may have some use for it.

Included was:

Baby's Daily Schedule - 1 week - 4 years
Weight and Height Chart - 3 weeks 17 1/2 years
First (reach, words, e.t.c.)
Favorites
Stories, verse, and songs
Food
Games
Playmates
Record of childhood illnesses
Education

I also included an example of my handwriting from age 7


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My appointment at the center for Autism & Neurodevelopmental Disorders is set for the end of July 2013. opcorn


----------



## Mona1234 (Dec 9, 2010)

You sound like a hypochondriac to me.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Mona1234 said:


> You sound like a hypochondriac to me.


My new doctors research was funded by: The Stallone Fund and the National Alliance for Autism Research, Neurological Diseases and Stroke, the National Institute On Drug Abuse.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

Mona1234 said:


> You sound like a hypochondriac to me.





ourwater said:


> My new doctors research was funded by: The Stallone Fund and the National Alliance for Autism Research, Neurological Diseases and Stroke, the National Institute On Drug Abuse.


how is the above relevant at all to someone stating that you come across as though you are a hypochondriac in your posts?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> how is the above relevant at all to someone stating that you come across as though you are a hypochondriac in your posts?


I will tell you what relevance my doctor's research has to a disorder, but first, I must understand your interest in such a topic.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I will tell you what relevance my doctor's research has to a disorder, but first, I must understand your interest in such a topic.


no particular interest, just trying to follow the continuity of a public thread that happens to make no sense. if you were to quote and/or answer logically, then the responses you seem to get in this thread and in others from users wouldn't continually point at severe mental illness, from schizophrenia to hypochondria.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> no particular interest, just trying to follow the continuity of a public thread that happens to make no sense. if you were to quote and/or answer logically, then the responses you seem to get in this thread and in others from users wouldn't continually point at severe mental illness, from schizophrenia to hypochondria.


You're confusing me, and making things worse doing this in my thread. If you or others want to place a diagnosis in the thread, please explain in ways I can understand why they are there. Thank you.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> You're confusing me, and making things worse doing this in my thread. If you or others want to place a diagnosis in the thread, please explain in ways I can understand why they are there. Thank you.


i'm not the one who called you a hypochondriac, but it's amusing that you're confused. hah.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> i'm not the one who called you a hypochondriac, but it's amusing that you're confused. hah.


Is this why you are in my thread? You are here for amusement?


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Is this why you are in my thread? You are here for amusement?


nope, not at all, but your last response was quite amusing.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> nope, not at all, but your last response was quite amusing.


Post that make me confused are amusing?


----------



## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ourwater said:


> You're confusing me, and making things worse doing this in my thread. If you or others want to place a diagnosis in the thread, please explain in ways I can understand why they are there. Thank you.


.


----------



## Mona1234 (Dec 9, 2010)

ourwater said:


> You're confusing me, and making things worse doing this in my thread. If you or others want to place a diagnosis in the thread, please explain in ways I can understand why they are there. Thank you.


Hypochondriac-
a person who worries or talks excessively about his or her health.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Mona1234 said:


> Hypochondriac-
> a person who worries or talks excessively about his or her health.


Is there a different thread I can visit on this subject?


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Is this why you are in my thread? You are here for amusement?


He's here because this is a *public* thread on a *discussion* forum.

If you don't want people's interjections on your worryingly incoherent posts then might I suggest starting a personal blog or keeping a personal journal.


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Also, space monkeys riding pineapples because August is windy.


----------



## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Also, space monkeys riding pineapples because August is windy.


Million dollar homes.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

hikkikomori said:


> Million dollar homes.


my fork, it's not working.


----------



## Socialmisfit84 (Jun 23, 2012)

If he's mentally ill, what makes you think he's going to take any of your advice? Some of you are telling him to get help. Well maybe he's done that already, maybe he hasn't. Either way it's evident that he may have a serious illness and may or may not have a clear understanding of what you're all trying to suggest that he should do.

We can't see him, and we don't know him or his family personally, so there's really no point in continuing this cycle throughout this post. There's no way of fully understanding him, and I'm not quite sure he understands us either. So it's possibly a waste to keep telling him to seek help. It's also a waste to keep arguing back and forth with someone who's obviously mentally ill.

My guess is he's either mentally ill or he's trolling, but I doubt a troll would put so much time and work into something like this.


----------



## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

Luctor said:


> Also, space monkeys riding pineapples because August is windy.


You should probably refrain from teasing


----------



## Socialmisfit84 (Jun 23, 2012)

And why are some of you teasing him? Isn't this a social anxiety forum? Aren't the majority of us dealing with mental disorders ourselves? What right do we have to poke fun at this individual, who's problem may be bigger than our own?


----------



## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

What's more insulting than a little playful jest is assuming ourwater is incapable of speaking for himself. 

Just because we're all dealing with mental health issues doesn't mean we should be void of a sense of humour.


----------



## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

Nah. This is different. It's wrong and not funny.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I'm kind of concerned. This whole thing gives me a weird feeling. It looks like he's more interested in finding something about the past, like he can't leave it. When he talks about strange behaviors as a child, and learning things about himself growing up, it's like he's looking for something...

He dodges questions, and talks a lot about things that don't make sense. He's obsessed with his health, but doesn't seem as concerned about visiting a psychologist or anything like that, because it seems that to him, everyone will doubt him or come up with a theory he disagrees with. 

It seems to me that he's more interested in uncovering things himself. I definitely see patterns of delusional thinking, but I don't doubt that any abuse happened. I really feel bad, and I hope that ourwater will seek out the appropriate help when he feels it is necessary, but preferably sometime soon.

I'm wondering how he goes about in his daily life, and gets to all of these doctors, and what they think/say about all of these health issues. The thyroid issues for one, they must have him on some sort of medication for that. 

I wonder about the effects, and of any other medications one may have been prescribed for various issues. And he says that there are doctors looking into other aspects, and he's submitting random documents and things from his childhood to these places. What do the doctors and professionals have to say about that?


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> I'm kind of concerned. This whole thing gives me a weird feeling. It looks like he's more interested in finding something about the past, like he can't leave it. When he talks about strange behaviors as a child, and learning things about himself growing up, it's like he's looking for something...
> 
> He dodges questions, and talks a lot about things that don't make sense. He's obsessed with his health, but doesn't seem as concerned about visiting a psychologist or anything like that, because it seems that to him, everyone will doubt him or come up with a theory he disagrees with.
> 
> ...


This is too true.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> I'm kind of concerned. This whole thing gives me a weird feeling. It looks like he's more interested in finding something about the past, like he can't leave it. When he talks about strange behaviors as a child, and learning things about himself growing up, it's like he's looking for something...
> 
> He dodges questions, and talks a lot about things that don't make sense. He's obsessed with his health, but doesn't seem as concerned about visiting a psychologist or anything like that, because it seems that to him, everyone will doubt him or come up with a theory he disagrees with.
> 
> ...


*Email to my doctor:*

Dear *,

I am inquiring about possible Aspergers/Higher Functioning Autism Diagnoses and treatment. ASD was screened for in my diagnostic summary, but I was not screened for Higher Functioning Autism/Aspergers. In my Diagnostic Summary these symptoms were outlined, and/or possibly as well in records that I don't have. This is from this web page. http://foundationforautismsupportandtraining.org/homeAutism.html Current Symptoms:

- here I list symptoms and such.

*Reply:*

Hello Steve, I have finished reviewing all of the website links you sent, and your comments concerning your current symptoms. I do not have the "Diagnostic Summary" to which you referred. I have attached the completed referral form for your review, and I will fax it to the Autism Cente> as soon as I receive your approval. I will also fax my note from your recent complete physical and with me, notes since then, and the lab studies we did for that visit. Let me know if you want anything filled out differently on the form, and if it is OK to fax the records I have outlined. If you are accepted for referral please do ask them to send me a note about your visit. I wish you the best in finding the answers for which you are looking.

Be well, *

*Sent: *

Dear *,

I am placing the documents that I would like you to review and include faxed to them (in their entirety) inside your mailbox. My address and phone number look incorrect under the Patient Information on the form%q5sC and should read as follows:

Address:
*
%vA
Phone number: *
Cell Phone: *

Please let me know how I can compensate you for your referral to the * Center.

Sincerely, *

- I brought the documents. I then received a folder requesting my IEP (circled) and information. I completed the formsŒ2C and sentŒ20them, excluding release forms. The release forms are for the same University hospital.

*This is the back of the card that came with my appointment, and one side of the research sheet.*










All information submitted to the Autism Center were requested in the forms sent to me, with a large summary of information excluded. A sample of my handwriting and more were requested, but because my baby books (and other things like my journals, stories, and art) were at our other home, I didn't have access to them. I sent them photocopied pages with a second envelope, and forms that gave authorization for my child development records, birth records, and other hospital related records to be released.

*The sbject of abuse is mentioned in the form.*









*Also, I received an email from my school:*

Hi Steven. We did get your letter, thank you. The committee has postponed any meetings because we do not plan to have a spring class in 2013, however, we have your letter and plan to respond.


----------



## skybluesky (Jul 1, 2012)

ourwater said:


> What evidence do you have to suggest that?


It may be that the way you write is somewhat clipped/abrupt. Your method of thinking/connecting things seems abstract and tangential. There's nothing wrong with that--everyone has their own way of thinking and conveying, but it just seems to hint at something more.

Ourwater. I think you should show your doctor this thread. I think it is very important to see your structure. You're clearly very intelligent, but I think if your doctor saw this thread they would be able to help you understand everything and put it into perspective for you, perhaps find something otherwise missed.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

skybluesky said:


> Your method of thinking/connecting things seems abstract and tangential.
> 
> I think you should show your doctor this thread.


I have recorded more than a weeks worth of sleep data, and continue to do so. This was part of his request.

He also request that I have faxed or sent information from other health care providers.


----------



## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ourwater said:


> I have recorded more than a weeks worth of sleep data, and continue to do so. This was part of his request.
> 
> He also request that I have faxed or sent information from other health care providers.


How is your BP doing?

I'm usually 115-120/75-80.


----------



## TheLittleSister (Oct 1, 2012)

this thread kinda wowed me... whatever your problems are I hope you get them sorted for your own sake. It really cannot be healthy to focus this much on the past. Some things in life we have to learn to let go of in order to even start having a functional life today. 
I know from experince how hard it is to do, especially if you feel your past holds the key to why you're feeling messed up today, but even if you find the key... it wont make the problems today go away. 

I hope you find a way of dealing with it.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

kehcorpz said:


> How is your BP doing?
> 
> I'm usually 115-120/75-80.


124/78 B/P - 48 P with my Walgreens blood pressure monitor. My last meal was two hours ago.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

hey steve,

saw your pics in the photo album thread - your nose came out good! looking good, man!


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> hey steve,
> 
> saw your pics in the photo album thread - your nose came out good! looking good, man!


My surgeon says there is residual swelling bellow the bridge of my nose and the tip is noticeably swollen which may take considerably more time to heal, as well as for the nerves to repair themselves. He said that the swelling at the bridge of my nose is likely done. It was an open rhinoplasty with septoplasty. The incision is completely healed at the bottom of my nose with no visible scaring. There was an extra procedure done to my lip which makes my nose less animated when speaking also.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

well, in either case, it looks good!


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> well, in either case, it looks good!


There was reduction at the tip also. Swollen, it may not be obvious to others. Thanks.


----------



## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

ourwater said:


> There was reduction at the tip also. Swollen, it may not be obvious to others. Thanks.


yeah, the swelling isn't obvious, and i've heard that it can take six months to a year for all swelling to subside.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

basuraeuropea said:


> yeah, the swelling isn't obvious, and i've heard that it can take six months to a year for all swelling to subside.


That is average time for recovery for a similar procedure, but an occlusion is rare, and therefore difficult to predict. The cause was determined to be possibly caused by an allergen, or damage caused by trauma.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

This Monday I woke up crying in my sleep on the opposite side of my bed. I had a similar problem on a recent Monday.


















Sunday and Tuesday look slightly indifferent of one another.


----------



## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

You buy some sort of portal device to measure the different sleep cycles?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

kehcorpz said:


> You buy some sort of portal device to measure the different sleep cycles?


Hehe, I found it at the store on accident while looking at scales. It's a Zeo Sleep Manager. It sits to the side next to my police scanner and cell phone. This is what the doctor wants me to record.

Once I see endocrinology on 10-12, then I'm going to need to contact my primary physician if today's lab results are alright, and they start me on a T4 replacement as planned.


----------



## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ourwater said:


> Hehe, I found it at the store on accident while looking at scales. It's a Zeo Sleep Manager. It sits to the side next to my police scanner and cell phone. This is what the doctor wants me to record.
> 
> Once I see endocrinology on 10-12, then I'm going to need to contact my primary physician if today's lab results are alright, and they start me on a T4 replacement as planned.


That's pretty neat. How much did it cost you? I'm curious about my sleep patterns but don't want to do a sleep study.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

kehcorpz said:


> That's pretty neat. How much did it cost you? I'm curious about my sleep patterns but don't want to do a sleep study.


The cost was near $149.99 USD. I bought the bedside version because the 9V backup on my old alarm clock had broken. It softly wakes me up at 5:00 am, then my cell phone and watch alarms are used when it's time to leave.


----------



## TheLittleSister (Oct 1, 2012)

If you have an iphone theres an app that does that too. Not sure how accurate it is, but its gotten buttloads of good reviews.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I meet with endocrinology. I'm being *taken off my Proranolol*, but I wasn't given orders how specifically, just to discontinue taking it. I was told to monitor my vitals less often.

*T4 levels in my blood test were undetectable*. I'm being started on *0.100 mg Levothyroxine PO tablet, qd*. Results are expected to take around 6 weeks. I get another blood test and go back in two months.

I will email my doctor to notify him of the changes. I will also let him know my concerns about my ADHD, and that I am accepted for referral to the center for Autism.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Now I'm prescribed also *Adderall, 1 Tablet, PO, 10 mg*, morning at 6:00 am, and 10:00 am.

My doctors visit went well I think. I cleared up some problems with taking my levothyroxine, and it's suggested that I get more sleep.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I have doctors orders to monitor my heart rate. These are some results using my RHYTHM heart rate monitor (at peak time for my Levothyroxine). This week I see my doctor for a monthly evaluation. Evaluations are every three months thereafter.

*Adderall one and a half tab, PO, 10 mg (10:00 - 10 mg, 12:00 - 5 mg)
Levothyroxine 1 tab, PO, 100 mg (05:00 - 100 mg, time of peak 13:00) 
Magnesium 2 tab, PO, 250 mg (10:00 - 500 mg)
L-Tyrosine 2 capsules, PO, 500 mg (10:00 - 500 mg)
Green Coffee Bean Extract 2 capsules, PO, 800 mg (12:00)*

*Warm Up*








*Exercising And Recovery (4.5 mph running)*








*Recovery*








Glycemic index (glucose = 74 mg/dL)

I have been on a Gluten free diet for two and half months, and I have also avoided foods I have an allergen to. I have doctors orders to avoid Ca at the time of my morning medicines. My doctor and the Autism center have a list of all the other supplements (not listed here) I take except for Vitamin B6, and the L-Tyrosine. My main meal consist of a Protein supplement such as Garden Of Life: RAW Protein.

The L-Tyrosine I should probably not be taking. It's intended use is for dealing with the medication holidays. I have also avoided products high in Vitamin C because of the Adderall.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Medications increase:

*Adderall one tab, PO, 20 mg, morning at 6:00 am, and 10:00 am
Levothyroxine 1 tab, PO, 125 mcg, at 5:00 am*


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Almost went to the ER today. I have been accused of not properly taking my medications. I'm NPO after midnight. main symptoms

weakness
confusion
dizziness
hallucinations
vomiting
lost 11 lbs in 10 days


----------



## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

ourwater said:


> lost 11 lbs in 10 days


Well done!


----------



## SaikoSakura382 (Nov 8, 2011)

Wow, this thread was so ****ing confusing, but I read the whole thing anyway.

You mentioned autism and gave several photos as part of your evidence. I didn't see anything wrong with the photos, I used to wave like that and so did a lot of other kids, and I know I don't have autism. Kids don't have very good control of their movements, so they wave funny, plus you let your mom hold you, I'm asuming willingly, and autistic kids usually don't like being held. I'm not insisting I'm an expert on autism, this is just from the knowledge I gained when I researched Temple Grandin (and thus researched autism as well) Of course that doesn't mean you don't have autism, it's just not good evidence. I'm just wondering how your look into your autism is doing, you said you got accepted into a center for it? Any updates to add on that?


The other pictures look fine to me, too. I see beer cans by you, but the only evidence you might have been drinking is in one picture, the one with the clear bottle. I couldn't get the videos, though. Might need to update my adobe flash. I'll try that.

For some reason the picture on page 12 has a large black square in the middle. Was there a reason for that or is it just my computer? All I can see is you, someone else, and presents. Since I can't see it, could you explain why you posted it?


----------



## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

ourwater said:


> My fork, it's not working. No, I don't think they would be considered as evidence in a court of law.


I see the black square, too, but the videos work.


----------



## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

That's horrible what you went through. The things that happen during childhood affect us throughout our lives because that's when our brains are developing. Eventually, you're going to have to put all that behind you. You'll never be happy if you're preoccupied with your past.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Maslow said:


> That's horrible what you went through. The things that happen during childhood affect us throughout our lives because that's when our brains are developing. Eventually, you're going to have to put all that behind you. You'll never be happy if you're preoccupied with your past.


Start a new thread? Tried that. The new topic is leukemia. I was screened for CBC today, and am awaiting the results to be sent to me. The lab technician waved goodbye. Were still trying to figure out why my doctor left me and sent me to X-RAY and I had received radioactive iodine treatment, and the technicians were laughing inside the X-RAY room. There is also no record of my second screening after my first treatment, which was done by a different doctor, on a different machine. All screening results and information should be sent directly to a patients primary care physician. Therefore, if this somehow does end up in court, he will be representing me.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

SaikoSakura382 said:


> Wow, this thread was so ****ing confusing, but I read the whole thing anyway.
> 
> You mentioned autism and gave several photos as part of your evidence. I didn't see anything wrong with the photos, I used to wave like that and so did a lot of other kids, and I know I don't have autism. Kids don't have very good control of their movements, so they wave funny, plus you let your mom hold you, I'm asuming willingly, and autistic kids usually don't like being held. I'm not insisting I'm an expert on autism, this is just from the knowledge I gained when I researched Temple Grandin (and thus researched autism as well) Of course that doesn't mean you don't have autism, it's just not good evidence. I'm just wondering how your look into your autism is doing, you said you got accepted into a center for it? Any updates to add on that?
> 
> ...


No flagrant remarks please. We are trying to keep this thread open for discussion. The autism center appointment is for July.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My levothyroxine was increased to 150 because apparently, my thyroid is severely messed up, and it is life threatening. My mother has started administering my thyroid medication.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The lab results looked okay. I decided on not having a second CBC. I'm watching for some unusual skin changes. There is two months until my next appointment. There are no changes to my meds.


----------



## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? All of your problems sound psychological not physiological. It sounds like your parents where a train wreck and abused you profoundly. You need to seek adequate mental health.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

noscreenname said:


> Are you seeing a psychiatrist? All of your problems sound psychological not physiological. It sounds like your parents where a train wreck and abused you profoundly. You need to seek adequate mental health.


You think that I should live on the streets?


----------



## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

ourwater said:


> You think that I should live on the streets?


You realize doctors are bound by confidentiality laws right? Your parents are really so crazy they will kick you out if you seek help from a psychiatrist? It's not like you have to tell them it's because of them.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

noscreenname said:


> You realize doctors are bound by confidentiality laws right? Your parents are really so crazy they will kick you out if you seek help from a psychiatrist? It's not like you have to tell them it's because of them.


My mother quietly came down the steps, opened my door without knocking, or without calling, and told me to go to sleep. She can do that because it's her home.


----------



## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

ourwater said:


> My mother quietly came down the steps, opened my door without knocking, or without calling, and told me to go to sleep. She can do that because it's her home.


That's not an answer.

At least talk to your doctors and tell them what's really up and see if they can somehow help you on the down low.

Is it really more productive to passive aggressively spend all that money on problems you don't really have?

At this point I would head to social services and see what resources are available in your state for housing and mental health. Living in a mission or a half way house for a year or two while you pull your life together would be more productive than the situation your in.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

noscreenname said:


> That's not an answer.
> 
> At least talk to your doctors and tell them what's really up and see if they can somehow help you on the down low.
> 
> ...


I need to start taking Vitamin D supplements because my level is 18.


----------



## jack61098 (Feb 12, 2013)

I just spent the past hour and a half reading this and there are a whole lot of things going on here. For one thing none of the pictures you posted showed any signs of abuse at all. I couldn't watch the videos because they wont load on my phone. You haven't legitimately responded to any questions in quite a while. You seem to be telling almost separate stories that only loosely tie together, with most of the information being pointless or incoherent. I'm not trying to discredit any problems you have, but it seems you aren't actually getting help for them


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm going to continue my Vitamin K2 supplements. There is blood coming from my urine, and my mouth for hours now.


----------



## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

jack61098 said:


> I just spent the past hour and a half reading this and there are a whole lot of things going on here. For one thing none of the pictures you posted showed any signs of abuse at all. I couldn't watch the videos because they wont load on my phone. You haven't legitimately responded to any questions in quite a while. You seem to be telling almost separate stories that only loosely tie together, with most of the information being pointless or incoherent. I'm not trying to discredit any problems you have, but it seems you aren't actually getting help for them


He's clearly psychologically disturbed on top of (possibly?) being brain damaged if he's telling the truth. A disconnect from reality isn't surprising. It's pretty sad.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My mother bought a new blood pressure cuff, and is monitoring my B/P. My last blood glucose was 85. I didn't continue the vitamin K2.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I got my lab results in the mail. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow because they called me in for an urgent appointment.


----------



## loumon (Jul 6, 2012)

Maslow said:


> That's horrible what you went through. The things that happen during childhood affect us throughout our lives because that's when our brains are developing. Eventually, you're going to have to put all that behind you. You'll never be happy if you're preoccupied with your past.[/QUOTE
> 
> I agree.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

loumon said:


> Maslow said:
> 
> 
> > That's horrible what you went through. The things that happen during childhood affect us throughout our lives because that's when our brains are developing. Eventually, you're going to have to put all that behind you. You'll never be happy if you're preoccupied with your past.[/QUOTE
> ...


----------



## jack61098 (Feb 12, 2013)

What people are abusive to you?


----------



## loumon (Jul 6, 2012)

ourwater said:


> loumon said:
> 
> 
> > People are still abusive. How should I deal with that?
> ...


----------



## Jcq126 (Jan 11, 2010)

This whole thread has given me a cryptic uneasy feeling and seems to be a bunch of delusional ramblings. I really suggest going to the hospital or getting psychiatric help and I say that with no intention of being insulting. These posts are just very creepy and incoherent, get checked out man.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My ua results for last week arrived. It looks like crap.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

jack61098 said:


> What people are abusive to you?


Who is being abusive isn't of your concern. When abusers realize you are drunk, or otherwise incapacitated in a state from which you might recover, they rush things, and it gets sloppy.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I'm trying to work on an updated summary in case I need to be admitted. *I might delete this post later on.*

neighbors daughter caught me mas-. First mol- behind couch next to original PC room. Caught by mother that calmly told girl I was too young. (age 3) Mol by her friend in pc room (faint memories). Began trying to cope after severe traumatic event in pc room. Hiding under desk.

Abuse became less violent. Neighbor discovered abuse. I tried to make physical contact with neighbor, was scolded, then was abused by father and friends. Was being helped with trauma by older female (councilor), told parents that I was abused by the person helping. Wanted to be left alone.

Started drinking hard liquor to cope.

Became sensitive to parents, and wanted independence. Learned to use the pc and tried to keep time schedule to avoid drinking. mas- continued. alcohol relapse, alcohol did not have the same effect. mood problems. feelings of neglect.

learned to cope by maladaptive behavior. preschool started. had ptsd symptoms. communication problems. mol- by babysitter.. alcohol relapse.

began creating fantasies. change in diet. anxiety. dehydration, withdraw, hiding, severe mood swings.

began recognizing abilities of other children. selective-autism. maladaptive behaviors. met an older female, had friends. panic attacks. alcohol relapse. others recognized behaviors. selective-autism worsened. mol- continued. negative behaviors. began to try and improve communication, to prevent alcohol abuse. made friends, studied books (age 6). established some communication skills, but could not socialize in groups because of a fear of alcohol relapse. severe depression started (maladaptive behaviors).

others began picking up on maladaptive behaviors, and older teenagers established methods for humiliating me. Denied prior abuse, e.t.c. mol- continued. physical abuse due to communication problems. severely violent traumatic event involving teenagers. alcohol and abuse, murders and rape (6 1/2). Life changing event, severe depression. attempts at running away. studied as means of focusing.

established online discussion as a means of coping with drinking problems. (age 7) abuse continued. drug abuse. writing and learning became a method of dealing with panic attacks. change in diet, was mol- by person met online. could not establish friendship due to local community. Attacked, and then left abandoned. (bought waterbed) depression. alcohol relapse. moved waterbed. anxiety became more severe. created methods for dealing with selective mutism. (severe rape involving armed teenagers and adults) gang violence. Got a gym membership and learned to outrun others. communication problems, attempts at establishing a case to gain financial support. social withdraw.

trauma online (cyber-bullying). problems outside of state. new elementary school. alcohol relapse. began spending lots of time alone writing. Social withdraw and denial by local community. drug abuse. (car accident)

severe ptsd. foster care screening. maladaptive behavior - brain trauma injury (unknown age). Physical abuse. (age 10)

I also photographed the blood stain from my brain trauma that is still visible using a forensic flashlight and my Sigma DP2.


----------



## jack61098 (Feb 12, 2013)

According to that post, you started going on the Internet in 1985 even though the Internet as we know it wasn't even started until 1986


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

jack61098 said:


> According to that post, you started going on the Internet in 1985 even though the Internet as we know it wasn't even started until 1986


My dad was the executive of Farm Bureau Insurance.

http://www.mofbinsurance.com/


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I received a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome at the autism center and am applying for financial support at the DFS so that the cost of my labs are covered. My next appointment is in six months.


----------



## shyguyred (Jul 26, 2013)

Are you ozzy???


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The second DFS application and a second diagnosis are turned in. My original copy of my diagnosis is in my personal records. As soon as I am approved for Medicaid, I'm supposed to call the autism center back. Now I wait and hope to receive something.


----------



## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

i feel really bad for you ourwater, i'm actually crying right now. hoping things'll be better someday. everything's so ****ed up. i'm not used to this.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

ty Noll.

I have started monitoring my sleep again, and have been exercising at least every other day for 20 minutes or more. The past couple months my difficulties with my sodium levels was bothersome to my PTSD, but I am physically doing alright. I was disappointed that the pharmacy seemed to have had what was expired generic adderall last month also. It wasn't the brand I was used to. I have a time-lock safe by _captureddiscipline _that I will use to protect my extra medicine so that I do not end up having to store different brands together again.

I received in the mail a Neurology Clinic Note from by Doctor at the Autism-Clinic. The Final Report details my history of sexual and physical abuse, which was severe only a couple years before I began seeing my Primary Doctor. He has received a copy of this report as well as my endocrinologist, making, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable. They are my doctors, but I worry about what what they must think of my behavior as a child.

There are plans for vocational rehabilitation, labs, a followup MRI for the hemangioma, an attempt to gain access to neuropycological testing, and a revised Autsim Diagnostic Interview. Then I find out if I need more therapy. 
I spoke to my cousin at the disabilities office yesterday. She says that it is difficult to obtain disabilities, but that I would receive back pay, and should continue trying. The Autism Clinic has records from the Arthur Center which should date back to around when I started High School. That would have been when I first applied for financial support, or at-least, it should have been since it was being coordinated by the school. If I am able to be independent, and I also receive disabilities, I will be looking at a fair amount of back pay.

I refill my prescription tonight, so fingers crossed it is what I am used to taking.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

The pharmacy apparently can't order any generic for me. I have to go to the other pharmacy in the morning, were I get to sit and wait for it to be filled.


----------



## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

I don't really know what to say about this thread. Apart from that fact that it makes me feel very uneasy.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Is it weird that I kinda understand what he is saying. The photos he posted have no significance to us, but they trigger powerful and traumatic memories for him. I have things that trigger painful and suppressed memories as well, so I can relate to his feeling of shock in a way. The memories of being drugged and sexually abused were so painful that he blocked them out of his mind. Suddenly coming to the realization of what has happened to him and how it has effected his life is all very overwhelming for him and he is having a difficult time making sense of it all. He probably doesn't remember everything that happened to him and now he is suddenly finding all of these medical records and photos and reality is hitting him a little to hard and may have possibly triggered psychosis.


----------



## Elliot88 (Apr 4, 2013)

This thread is very bizzare, even the strange title and first post set the tone for this thread. You seem to be seeking answers that you may never be able to find, at least certainly not by people on an internet forum. Some of the replies seem to have little relevance to questions, along with the frequent mentioning of autism etc, you still haven't clarified whether or not you have any of these illnesses after 16 pages. This isn't the first and probably wont be the last time someone says this, PLEASE go and see a psychiatrist, they can help you more than anyone in this thread.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

My diary is 10 pages. Not sharing.


----------



## Elliot88 (Apr 4, 2013)

ourwater said:


> My diary is 10 pages. Not sharing.


Well, you have a decent sense of humour unlike some of the posters here.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Tell us more about the pc room


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Elliot88 said:


> This thread is very bizzare, even the strange title and first post set the tone for this thread. You seem to be seeking answers that you may never be able to find, at least certainly not by people on an internet forum. *Some of the replies seem to have little relevance to questions*, along with the frequent mentioning of *autism* etc, *you still haven't clarified* whether or not you have any of these illnesses after 16 pages.


 I thought that I had clarified that. This is what I have been instructed to show to professionals. If you are wondering, my middle name is Anthony, initials SAY.


IMG_0080 by trulietrice, on Flickr



> *This isn't the first and probably wont be the last time someone says this*, PLEASE go and see a psychiatrist, they can help you more than anyone in this thread.


 I realize this.


----------



## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

I only made it to page 9 of this thread (too exhausted to read the rest at the moment), but I wish you luck with sorting everything out, ourwater.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I have a letter from the Department Of Health Psychology about my neuropsychological results. There aren't any changes.

Based on my MRI results, the reported problem is now gone.

I have since also seen my psychiatrist, and have had surgery.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Raephex said:


> What a weird thread. I can't be bothered reading all your posts, but your OP asks how it was possible for such a young kid to do all those drugs. At first based on your weird way of writing and the sheer amount of drugs and alcohol and the incredibly young ages you listed, I didn't buy it. But then I saw the picture you posted of yourself on page 1 as a little kid holding an alcohol bottle. Your original question was "how is this possible?" I dunno if you were asking a deliberately vague question just to see how other people would interpret it and answer to see if you could learn anything by getting new perspectives on it. But the most literal interpretation and how I would choose to interpret it is, "You must know who gave you those drugs."
> 
> I'm sorry to hear though that the people you grew up around gave you drugs at such young ages. Having had no experience with that, it's hard to imagine what it would have been like.


 The recent MRI results did not show any signs of drug use. Since I do not use illegal drugs, at this time, it isn't why I am in therapy, although it often comes up.


----------



## Raephex (Jun 10, 2014)

Were you given drugs as a kid?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Raephex said:


> Were you given drugs as a kid?


Yes, I was given drugs. As my doctor has explained to me, I am a celebrity because I have autism.


----------



## Raephex (Jun 10, 2014)

Are you a celebrity because of this thread?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Raephex said:


> Are you a celebrity because of this thread?


 I have been a celebrity since I was two.


----------



## Raephex (Jun 10, 2014)

How are you a celebrity?


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Raephex said:


> How are you a celebrity?


 Asperger's Syndrome.


----------



## Raephex (Jun 10, 2014)

How does having aspergers from two make you a celebrity? I don't understand.


----------



## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

Raephex said:


> How does having aspergers from two make you a celebrity? I don't understand.


My psychiatrist has already told me that my movies that I have written and helped to write will not be discussed during therapy.


----------

