# Learning to accept your appearance



## JDW (Aug 22, 2010)

Everybody has some likes/hates with their appearance (even good looking people! How dare they?) Well anyway I've had BDD straight from the start of high school, it litteratly developed on the first day and it got worse at a very rapid pace.

I've learned though that all my frustrations with my appearance has to be dealt with acceptance. 

Most importantly though is the idea that you can change your appearance when that simply is not true, you really can't. It doesn't matter hairstyle or wearing really tall heels to make you taller or wearing a certain jacket or whatever. It's an endless infinte road to misery. The thing with it is that people are so absorbed in themselves and their own insecurities that even if you do get a new hairstyle or look online at what's best for your facial shape or anything like that. You end up just looking the same to them anyway, perhaps a bit more attractive but only a tiny bit. All subconscious as well. It's an important point to make though, people think they look different and feel more confident and believe it's the new look that's making them feel better but in reality it's the confidence that's creating good things not you're new appearance and plus that new appearance is fading, past the second or third day you're back to thinking of new ideas to change how you look. The idea is to realize that you'll look you no matter what you slap on yourself, it's really a downward spiral towards complete misery and anxiety day to day when you're obessed with looking different or being more attractive. It's only when you stop searching so hard that you find you've got to make the most of what you've got and make that shine as opposed to making yourself more unattractive as a person by being so nervous and uncomfortable in your own skin.

Do I envy good looking people, hell yes, do I think they've got a hell of lot more advantages in their lives just based on that, yes. However thinking like that will send you straight back to the dumps of your mind. It doesn't help and learning to see people for who they are as opposed to how they look is much more important.

I'm fine looking average, either under or above it doesn't matter, all that matters is I'm well over average as a person, inside. That's all that matters and that's all people will remember in the end.


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## tidbit (May 13, 2015)

I hated the way I looked in my teens, just despised myself. Really drained on my mental state. Now that I'm in my 20s, busy with school, life, paying bills, etc. my appearance is not much of an issue anymore. I workout more, I eat healthy, but I still wish I was prettier, and taller, etc. but that's not going to really happen. I'm average, no doubt. But I think I'm cute in my own way now, and I think just that small acceptance has helped my anxiety out tremendously. 
Besides, I have a lot more to offer someone than just appearance. That's more important overall, I think.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Being hit on by girls was the only way I got over the hating my appearance phase.


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## JDW (Aug 22, 2010)

tidbit said:


> I hated the way I looked in my teens, just despised myself. Really drained on my mental state. Now that I'm in my 20s, busy with school, life, paying bills, etc. my appearance is not much of an issue anymore. I workout more, I eat healthy, but I still wish I was prettier, and taller, etc. but that's not going to really happen. I'm average, no doubt. But I think I'm cute in my own way now, and I think just that small acceptance has helped my anxiety out tremendously.
> Besides, I have a lot more to offer someone than just appearance. That's more important overall, I think.


You sound like a beautiful person.


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## JDW (Aug 22, 2010)

Imbored21 said:


> Being hit on by girls was the only way I got over the hating my appearance phase.


Well if you were hit on by girls, I can't hardly imagine there's much to hate anyway. Though you're probably right, everyone goes through I hate my appearance phase in their teens, I guess. Though others on the extreme end up with BDD and that isn't a phase, that's something that'll haunt you for years.


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## Ciaran128 (Mar 19, 2014)

I've definitely struggled with my appearance, and still do to an extent. You're definitely right that there's not a lot you can do to change it, and obsessing over it has always made things worse for me. I've definitely felt most comfortable when I stop worrying about how I look and just forget about it. Of course that's easier said than done - I think we're definitely our own worst critics.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Great post! My appearance was always a major source of my SA, but I'm dealing with all that a lot better now.  Thanks for your inspiring words.


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## JDW (Aug 22, 2010)

srschirm said:


> Great post! My appearance was always a major source of my SA, but I'm dealing with all that a lot better now.  Thanks for your inspiring words.


Hey thanks srschirm, hope you're doing well. It's a tough fight.


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## lamie (Dec 20, 2014)

There's a very good chance that the "flaws" you're worried about are the things that nobody else will notice. We are all more critical of our own appearance. I'm self conscious of my big teeth, but I have been complimented on my smile! Do you pick apart the flaws in other people? Probably not. Chances are, they're not picking apart yours, either. Knowing this makes it a lot easier to accept yourself.

Good hygiene, dressing well, and generally taking care of yourself will make you more attractive than a traditionally good-looking person who wears ratty clothes and doesn't shower.


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## TheRob (Dec 30, 2006)

Appearance has always been a major part of my insecurities, and I bet it's a source of insecurity for 99 percent of the population. We are always great or small by comparison.


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## Espirito (Feb 17, 2014)

I consider myself 'good looking' and I still have insecurities but no where near as much as when I was 80lbs overweight, had no muscle, no social skills and a poor self image. I constantly work on improving myself not just physically but mentally. All my hard work and struggles have done loads for my self confidence but I know that I'm a work in progress.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

I got over it since I've been fit and fat and noticed it didn't made any difference. For me at least, and I can extend that to 'for most boys'.

When I went to the gym some years ago and made abs, pectorals, nice arms, i was like: I was told there would be success, where is the success ? There was nowhere to be found. The I got hypothyroidism and like 25+ kg fat and according to the medical scale, obese. Well, when I had abs I was considered overweight by that scale, so....

Anyway, things didn't changed. At all. And I was there like: Do i need further evidence looks don't matter ? Of course not. My self confidence remained the same through this processes of changing.

At this moment I could not care less how I look. Of course, being obese was kinda tiresome, moving all that blubber around, so I had to lose weight. But I'm not 6 pack now and I just don't care. The knowledge of how to get that shape back is still there, though if some day my future gf will ask me to get fit or doctors will say to lose more weight.


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## Hamster (Sep 3, 2009)

I'm surprised that men have this problem. I figured for women it was a constant thing, that women are pressured to look a certain way, wear the right kind of shorts, right kind of top, makeup, etc. Men can put on a t-shirt and pants and look good.

From what I've observed, looks are no different than other expectations in culture. People tend to stress how important looks are to keep it in place. It's conservative, but I believe it causes more stress than feelings of acceptance. I don't think you can try to look good, achieve perfection, and then suddenly stop caring about how you look.

One way to stop caring so much is to take down or cover any mirrors in your house or apartment. It's hard at first as far as I have had the experience of doing so, but it gets much easier to focus on other things of greater value later.


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