# "I love you"



## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

How hard is it for SA'ers, as compared with the general population, to say those three words? I imagine we're more cautious with our feelings, as well as with "saying the right thing at the right time." So that, when we do say, "I love you," we're certain it means something. Which makes break-ups all the more difficult, because we were truly aware of our feelings toward that person.

I just find it strange, because I've recently encountered non-SA'ers who throw around the words so easily; either because they're so at-ease with the idea of it, and willing to accept their feelings without so much as a second analysis, or maybe they just don't know what it means to truly be in love.

Thoughts?

xoxo
Maggi


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

I'm a bit picky when i would use such a word. Or maybe i'm just shy of using it. I would only use if i meant it.
But I think it also depends of what kind of love one is trying to express. I've known a few people like you describe who "love" everyone they know. However I believe it's because they are comfortable with the expression and mean it in a "friendship" kind of love way as opposed to a "romanitic" kind of love which is probably the way we view love.
My friend at work is kind of that way and loves her friends purely in a friendship way(at least I'm assuming it's that way) and has her romantic love for her BF. I suppose I could also say that I "love" her too in a friendship sense(Not that the romantic side doesn't pop up now and then... pass it off to natural male instincts ). Of course I haven't said such to her I guess because I don't want to risk having it mean more than it really is.
I don't really see it as a bad thing in our case. We'll say it when it feels true to us and keep it a special thing for those most important to us.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Interesting question. I think I don't use the phrase much because my family "trained" me that way. People in my family say "I love you" very rarely. If I just went up to a family member and said, "I love you", they would automatically think that something is wrong, like I just got diagnosed with cancer or I am thinking about killing myself. That's how rare the phrase is with us. I wish things were different. I dream of starting a family with a good man where we say, "I love you" all the time and mean it.


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## rb27 (Jul 17, 2005)

In my family we tend to interchange it with everything from hello to goodbye. It's not a big deal, though, it's more of habit now. Outside of my family I haven't had an opportunity to get to that point, so I have no idea how easily I'd be able to say it.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Yeah, I was more referring to that first expression of love between two individuals in a romantic sort of relationship...

But as for familial expressions of love, I ALWAYS end a telephone conversation with anyone in my family (even/ESPECIALLY the ones to which I hardly speak) with "I love you." Family is family.

xoxo
Maggi


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

My boyfriend still hasn't flat out said it. We've talked about it and i told him that i do love him, and that I was ready to say it, even if he wasn't. I'm okay with him not being ready or even being sure, we took our relationship slow (which is a first for me) and I'm willing to wait. Until then, I just trust what i feel from him. I know he loves me, and trusts me, and wants to be with me, the words will be great to hear when they happen because I will know that he is geniunely 100% sure that he is in love with me. 

But sometimes it makes me sad, because we've been together for 6 months and we are talking about moving in together and he's still not sure if he loves me??


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

SupportiveGF said:


> But sometimes it makes me sad, because we've been together for 6 months and we are talking about moving in together and he's still not sure if he loves me??


 :hug

Better that he holds back instead of saying it without really knowing he feels it. Often times, it's hard for SA'ers to be totally sure of our feelings. It's hard not to take it personally, I know, but I highly doubt his intention is to hurt you.

xoxo
Maggi


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

Ya, I know. He's really cute about it though when i tell him I love him he blushes and gets this little kid voice and says "yay!" It's not awkward or anything, which is good for both of us.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I don't think I've ever said those words to anyone.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

itsmemaggi said:


> Yeah, I was more referring to that first expression of love between two individuals in a romantic sort of relationship...
> 
> But as for familial expressions of love, I ALWAYS end a telephone conversation with anyone in my family (even/ESPECIALLY the ones to which I hardly speak) with "I love you." Family is family.
> 
> ...


Never been in a relationship but I have a feeling I'd overthink the statement "I love you", like I do with most things. In general I tend to show acts of it rather than explicitly state it.

But then what exactly is love? Once you love someone do you love them unconditionally? How can people say they love the other person and end up in divorce. Or how can someone that loves someone else mess around on the other person? In my opinion this just shows how the word gets thrown around. I guess the meaning of it is determined by who says it and what they perceive the word to mean or what it is to be used for.


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

scairy said:


> In general I tend to show acts of it rather than explicitly state it.


 thank you for saying this. After thinking and thinking about it I was really letting myself doubt my situation. Seeing this instantly put me at ease....just wanted to say thank you for reminding me to remember all the sweet and wonderful things he does.

The "L" bomb as I call does get thrown around way too easy for alot people, and I tend to distrust it, but another thing to keep in mind is that a good chunk of people who aren't self aware (like those with SA or depression, or another introverting factor) have no idea the difference between the different times of amourous feelings.

My best friend, god love her, wouldn't know the difference bewteen a crush and true love, or lust and loathing for that matter. All she knows is that this person makes her feel something, and so it must be love.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

scairy said:


> I tend to show acts of it rather than explicitly state it.


That's very important. Words mean nothing when they aren't backed up with some actual ACTIONS.



scairy said:


> But then what exactly is love? Once you love someone do you love them unconditionally? How can people say they love the other person and end up in divorce. Or how can someone that loves someone else mess around on the other person? In my opinion this just shows how the word gets thrown around. I guess the meaning of it is determined by who says it and what they perceive the word to mean or what it is to be used for.


You're right. Love is a relative thing, unfortunately. I, for one, think that love *should* mean an unconditional, forever sort of thing, if you REALLY mean it. Also, I must point out that many divorcees actually say that they still love (or "have a special place in their hearts") for their former spouses. Not like that actually means anything, but...

xoxo
Maggi


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I dislike the fact that three words mean so much to so many people. As has been stated, actions are more important. Really, I'd be okay if I never heard or said those words in my entire life. I hear people say it in such a robotic manner to everyone.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Well in Spanish there are 2 types of love.

You can say like "Te quiero" or "Te amo." You usually use "te quiero" with your friends or your family. "Te amo" is *usually* reserved only for deep love between a couple.

My gf and I were saying "te quiero" probably within the first few days. I dont remember how long "te amo" took, but it was pretty soon after the relationship started. (We had pretty much one of the "love at first sight" kinda things.) I remember being so happy when I heard her say that.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

RX2000 said:


> Well in Spanish there are 2 types of love.


And *that* is one of the many reasons why I love the Spanish language. 

xoxo
Maggi


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

It's the same way in German, too.

_________________

I never ever say "I love you" to my family. I said it absentmindedly to my mom once, as a response to her saying it to me, and she started crying. If anyone asks, I get really defensive and say that they should already know how I feel and it's not my responsibility to validate it for them if they keep forgetting. I'm just not comfortable sharing.

When my dad was dying, my mom was really on my case to say it to him. It took me about three days to get the nerve to spit it out. Of course he started crying. It was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. I felt horrible. He must have known that the only reason I was saying it was because he didn't have much longer to live. I didn't want to remind him of that. I still feel horrible.

_________________

When my boyfriend first told me he loved me, my answer was, "What?" I pretended I didn't hear him.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Somehow I don't think there's as much love for German language :lol


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

itsmemaggi said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > I tend to show acts of it rather than explicitly state it.
> ...


 :agree I've been manipulated before when people say one thing, and do the opposite. That's why I tend to relate to the Behaviorists who say to pay attention to the person's behaviors and not their words. But if they treat me well AND say they love me, that's an added bonus.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I don't find it hard to say, when I have someone to say it to


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

itsmemaggi said:


> RX2000 said:
> 
> 
> > Well in Spanish there are 2 types of love.
> ...


Oh yea, and not to mention that there are a ton of ways to say "like." You can just like a person, as a friend or something, and say "me cae bien." Or a stronger like (could be like a crush or something) could be expressed by "me gusta."

Not sure what happened with English.... We should invent some more words for the different types of like and love.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

The weird thing is that English often has a lot of words for one thing. Many synonyms, at least.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Zephyr said:


> The weird thing is that English often has a lot of words for one thing. Many synonyms, at least.


Yea most languages do...

English might have a bit more though, since it has words stolen from a bunch of different languages. I always heard that English has more words than any language, but really its a big mystery, no one knows.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

whiteclouds said:


> That's why I tend to relate to the Behaviorists who say to pay attention to the person's behaviors and not their words. But if they treat me well AND say they love me, that's an added bonus.


I would rather someone showed me that they liked/loved me than talk about it. Actions speak louder than words. Not that I wouldn't mind knowing what the other person was thinking.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> Interesting question. I think I don't use the phrase much because my family "trained" me that way. People in my family say "I love you" very rarely. If I just went up to a family member and said, "I love you", they would automatically think that something is wrong, like I just got diagnosed with cancer or I am thinking about killing myself. That's how rare the phrase is with us.


My family's exactly the same way.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Becky said:


> I think it's important that if you love someone, no matter in what way, that you tell them. It would suck to die and leave them wondering how you felt.


True, but there are all sorts of ways to say it (and more importantly, show it) without necessarily saying it in as many words. At least in familial relationships and friendships, anyway. Romantic relationships are probably a bit different in this regard. I'm someone who just can't, no matter what, say "I love you" to friends and family members, but I can see myself saying it, without any difficulty at all, to someone I was in a genuine romantic relationship with (keeping in mind that that's a purely hypothetical thing with me).


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## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

My boyfriend has already said that he loves me and can see himself marrying me in the future...which is _very_ soon seeing as to how we have only been going out for about a month and a half. But then again, a lot of things have been fast with us and I feel like I love him back but I can't bring myself to say it until I feel completely sure, and it makes me feel bad when he say's it and I'm just silent. I know it hurts him, but he says knowing that he loves me is good enough for him. I want to say it, but it has to be right and I don't think it's fair for me to say it to him if there are doubts. It's sucky.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

itsmemaggi said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > I tend to show acts of it rather than explicitly state it.
> ...


Yes but like someone posted later in this thread I would say divorcing and saying you still love the person is a different kind of love. In my opinion love in marriage would mean neither side commits acts that would destroy it whether it be addiction to money, sex, sports, gambling etc. As soon as you let something come into the relationship and become more valuable than the relationship that new thing becomes your new love.

This probably another fear I have about relationships. I figure what if it turns into a long-term thing (marriage) and then the other individual decides to have an affair or feels that I just don't cut it. The divorce rate is around 50% (but recent studies show it dropping I believe). That is a high risk investment. It's not only your money but your soul in it, which makes it the most valuable investment of your life. The one thing I guess guys have going for them currently is women don't tend to screw up the marriage it's the men, so we can more or less control the outcome to some extent.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Come to think of it, I say "I love you" all the time to the cats I live with.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> itsmemaggi said:
> 
> 
> > scairy said:
> ...


That's good advice but a lot of guys will go through the motions and actions that go along with saying that they love you just to get what they want. I'm not saying this to be negative but to tell you to be careful and watch out. If he's saying it too soon into the relationship that is a huge red flag.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'd probably never say that to anyone.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

You have to pound it out of me... :hide , literally, I cant even say it for my family, but I do say it quite liberally when it comes to my pets :stu


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

pixiedust said:


> whiteclouds said:
> 
> 
> > itsmemaggi said:
> ...


Yes but there's a simple solution to this. Don't give him sex. See how he reacts. If it's complete negativity without any thoughts for how you feel or why you feel this way then more than likely he is in it for himself and isn't really thinking about making you happy.


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

RX2000 said:


> Well in Spanish there are 2 types of love.
> 
> You can say like "Te quiero" or "Te amo." You usually use "te quiero" with your friends or your family. "Te amo" is *usually* reserved only for deep love between a couple.


Interesting


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

scairy said:


> Yes but there's a simple solution to this. Don't give him sex.


 Nah, that doesn't work. Sometimes they'll say it just to get sex.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

My dad has taken up ending every conversation with I love you which just weirds me out. Never was like that when I was a kid. Actually can't think of any time my family said that. I've gotten used to saying "you too" back to him though so that's something! Weird thing is I had no problem with those words with my ex but now I'm back to "ahh bad words can't say em!" :lol


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

:afr


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

That's a sweet story, RX2000.

I thought, "Me encanta" meant love too. Is there a third type of love? And you can say "me gusta" to say you like pizza too, right? In English, the word "friend" is used to describe everything from an acquaintance to a best friend. But in Spanish, the word "amigo" is only reserved for best friends.

I took 2 years of Spanish in high school, but I don't know the language that well.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Gumaro said:


> RX2000 said:
> 
> 
> > Well in Spanish there are 2 types of love.
> ...


Links or evidence plz!

The whole time I was in Mexico I always heard "te quiero" when talking to family. Gimme some movie quotes or something where a mom tells her daughter "te amo."  I think I've heard it but its more common "te quiero" from what I've been able to acertain from my year long stint down there.

Generally its "te quiero" between family and friends.

Yea "te adoro" means about the same thing in English, ie, I adore you. (Although I guess LITERALLY it could also mean "I worship you" but I wouldnt translate it like that.)


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

whiteclouds said:


> That's a sweet story, RX2000.
> 
> I thought, "Me encanta" meant love too. Is there a third type of love? And you can say "me gusta" to say you like pizza too, right?


"Me encanta" is used when you love an object or something like that. So you could say "Me encanta la musica." (I LOVE music.) Or something like that. Would be weird if you used it with people.



> In English, the word "friend" is used to describe everything from an acquaintance to a best friend. But in Spanish, the word "amigo" is only reserved for best friends.


Dunno, havent seen that. What would a regular friend be called then? :b


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

pixiedust said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Yes but there's a simple solution to this. Don't give him sex.
> ...


I'm not saying have sex after he tells you he loves you. I'm saying wait an extended period of time. Watch his actions and reactions to this. Yes he may say "but I love you", but chances are he's not going to constantly be doing acts that show this. He may do it a few times, but typically if they see these super romantic and nice acts aren't getting them anywhere sex wise they'll leave; that's if there in it to use you.

I will say that there are guys that will setup an extremely romantic date and the only motive they have is to get in your pants and leave. But these guys typically don't try over and over and over again.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

scairy said:


> I will say that there are guys that will setup an extremely romantic date and the only motive they have is to get in your pants and leave. But these guys typically don't try over and over and over again.


w3rd, if some guy has only been with a girl a month or so and is dropping the I love you's, and we should get married and live happliy ever after and crap, he's just trying to get in your pants. Which hey if your looking for that then no harm but.........yeah


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

RX2000 said:


> whiteclouds said:
> 
> 
> > That's a sweet story, RX2000.
> ...


Struggling to remember high school Spanish class.....there was another word for "friend" but it implied that the friend was more of an acquaintance.......I don't remember it. I did learn that there are many dialects of Spanish depending on the region you live in. That could be why some of us heard of certain words and some of us haven't.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

whiteclouds said:


> Struggling to remember high school Spanish class.....there was another word for "friend" but it implied that the friend was more of an acquaintance.......I don't remember it. I did learn that there are many dialects of Spanish depending on the region you live in. That could be why some of us heard of certain words and some of us haven't.


Well of course there is a word in Spanish that means acquaintance: "conocido"

But yea there definitely are a lot of different words depending on where you live. For example, in Mexico you can say "escuincle" to mean "children" or like a little boy. There are several words like that in Mexico that come from Nahuatl.

Usually the actually usage of a word that does exist everywhere doesnt vary much tho.


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## Squizzy (Dec 21, 2004)

Hey I know this was posted a while ago but what are the other German words for love? All I know is liebe.


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## Demerzel (Nov 13, 2003)

RX2000 said:


> > In English, the word "friend" is used to describe everything from an acquaintance to a best friend. But in Spanish, the word "amigo" is only reserved for best friends.
> 
> 
> Dunno, havent seen that. What would a regular friend be called then? :b


Medioamigo! :lol :troll ( I just started learning Spanish)


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

I can't say it. I can type it or write it on a card, but I can't say the words aloud.

When someone told me they loved me I fell asleep


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Equisgurl said:


> You have to pound it out of me... :hide , literally, I cant even say it for my family


I think I'm the same way... I could say "Je t'aime," though, to a romantic partner.


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

Well The BF and I just got back from a 5 day trip to chicago to meet a bunch of our gaming buddies (he did so good, I was so proud of him for meeting 7 new people all at once) and we did alot of serious talking while we were there. We got alot closer and he even helped me out with some embarrasing and painful situations (had to be my crutch while we walked around sixflags as I bruised the bone in my foot)....well anyway i took him home today and we sat in the car for a minute before he grabbed his luggage and he told that he loves me. (Hooray!!)


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## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

SupportiveGF said:


> Well The BF and I just got back from a 5 day trip to chicago to meet a bunch of our gaming buddies (he did so good, I was so proud of him for meeting 7 new people all at once) and we did alot of serious talking while we were there. We got alot closer and he even helped me out with some embarrasing and painful situations (had to be my crutch while we walked around sixflags as I bruised the bone in my foot)....well anyway i took him home today and we sat in the car for a minute before he grabbed his luggage and he told that he loves me. (Hooray!!)


I'm so happy for you! I remember you talking about it in your last post. :yes You must be so excited.


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

brownkeys said:


> I'm so happy for you! I remember you talking about it in your last post. :yes You must be so excited.


I am  I'm on cloud nine today. I didn't even cry on the way home (long story, I hate driving home alone after leaving him when i have no idea when I'll see him again) We also got some more great news. He finally worked up the courage to talk to his mom about how everything has been going and even told her about moving in with me:afr and she liked the idea!!  :banana I love his mom...and even better...i love him!!


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