# I have someone who loves me, and I feel like I don't deserve him



## Kamikaze (Jan 15, 2014)

To make a long story short, I met him last year in a chat room. He's from Egypt. We became friends immediately. I soon developed a crush on him, but he had a girlfriend at the time so I never tried hitting on him. Then we lost touch for a while (my fault, I tend to push people away) but we recently got back in touch. He's single now, and we've become extremely close and we talk everyday. We're very flirty with each other and I absolutely love him, and he loves me. He makes me really happy, makes me laugh and I'm really glad he's in my life. One of the only things I look forward to when I wake up is talking to him.

But... I'm also depressed, because I know the two of us being together just isn't realistic. It hurts when you love someone deeply but you can't even hold them, or kiss them. I also feel like he deserves better than me... he's successful with a good job, hard-working etc. and I'm just a loser full of mental health issues. We have a lot in common but we're so different at the same time. I don't know if one day we could possibly be together in person... but I just see it as unrealistic, and I think he deserves better than me. He wants a wife and kids, and I'm too mentally ill to even take care of myself. I don't even eat and I'm dropping weight. I'm trying to get better (on antidepressants) but it's a long long process. 

Not sure what the point of this post is, but maybe other people have been in a similar situation? Despite how happy he makes me, I'm just so sad we'll probably never be together. 😞


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## lavignesabine (Apr 15, 2021)

you deserve him, if it doesn’t work out it’s not because you didn’t deserve him either. You deserve to be happy like everyone else no matter what you’re going through. In fact in my opinion that makes you more deserving.
I hope it all goes well


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## Kamikaze (Jan 15, 2014)

lavignesabine said:


> you deserve him, if it doesn’t work out it’s not because you didn’t deserve him either. You deserve to be happy like everyone else no matter what you’re going through. In fact in my opinion that makes you more deserving.
> I hope it all goes well


Thank you, I needed to hear that. I'm trying to convince myself that I do deserve to be happy, but my sense of self-worth is horrible, and I've always felt like I don't deserve anything good. I've even explained to him that I don't feel like I'm good enough for him, and he just tells me "don't be silly, I love you, you deserve to feel happy, wanted, and loved and I want you to always feel that way." He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and I couldn't have asked for a sweeter man than him. He's honestly my dream guy. I just wish that I could love myself... I'm broken and have hated myself for a long time, but I'm trying to change my negative mindset and how I feel about myself. It's pretty damn hard to do though.


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## lavignesabine (Apr 15, 2021)

Kamikaze said:


> Thank you, I needed to hear that. I'm trying to convince myself that I do deserve to be happy, but my sense of self-worth is horrible, and I've always felt like I don't deserve anything good. I've even explained to him that I don't feel like I'm good enough for him, and he just tells me "don't be silly, I love you, you deserve to feel happy, wanted, and loved and I want you to always feel that way." He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and I couldn't have asked for a sweeter man than him. He's honestly my dream guy. I just wish that I could love myself... I'm broken and have hated myself for a long time, but I'm trying to change my negative mindset and how I feel about myself. It's pretty damn hard to do though.


He sounds like a nice guy. I’m starting to cultivate self love and it is hard. I know you didn’t ask for advice but since you said you’re trying to change your mindset this is what I’ve been using to change mine:




If you want to try it you just copy what he says and does. It’s been quite effective for me so I thought I would share


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

You’ve told each other you love each other? Sounds like you’re already dating him, even if you don’t realize it, he’s your boyfriend. So based on that, you apparently do deserve him because you’re together.

he sounds very expressive and open about how he feels... try being honest with him about how you feel depressed or hopeless. Trust me... if he’s acting like this, then he’s not gonna run away when you tell him you have social anxiety, he’s probably just gonna hug you and try to cheer you up.

should be honest with your boyfriend if you’re feeling miserable or upset so they can help you


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## Kamikaze (Jan 15, 2014)

Sainnot said:


> You’ve told each other you love each other? Sounds like you’re already dating him, even if you don’t realize it, he’s your boyfriend. So based on that, you apparently do deserve him because you’re together.
> 
> he sounds very expressive and open about how he feels... try being honest with him about how you feel depressed or hopeless. Trust me... if he’s acting like this, then he’s not gonna run away when you tell him you have social anxiety, he’s probably just gonna hug you and try to cheer you up.
> 
> should be honest with your boyfriend if you’re feeling miserable or upset so they can help you


I am very honest with him about how I'm feeling... I literally was totally suicidal the other week (a horrible side effect from Prozac) and I messaged him saying "I really wanna hurt myself right now and don't know what to do". And this man literally managed to get me to laugh and smile when I felt THAT bad, which I didn't think was possible. I can be in the most horrible mood and he always manages to cheer me up somehow. He knows about my mental health issues and doesn't judge me, he just tells me "I'm gonna go through everything with you, and be there for you and try to help you anyway I can." I really don't know what I did to deserve him but I've been blessed, cause he lifts me up when nobody else can... I told him "you're an angel on Earth" lol cause he really is.


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