# Diagonally Parked: "unconditional positive regard"



## michaelg (Jan 29, 2005)

Signe Dayhoff suggestes asking these 4 questions "*efore reacting to the substance of the behavior, thoughts, or feelings."





Is it helpful to getting what I want?[/*:m:194c6]
Is it true?[/*:m:194c6]
What is its overall impact?[/*:m:194c6]
Would I be acting this way if I didn't have [SA]?[/*:m:194c6]


Click to expand...

I think asking these 4 questions whenever you are thinking something negative can really help. What do you think?*


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## JDWorm (Mar 18, 2004)

Yeah, I think those could help. I especially like the last question. SA has probably programmed my thoughts.


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## michaelg (Jan 29, 2005)

To clarify, the book says (this is on page 104, by the way):

"...Look at our behavior , thoughts and feelings the way an *objective, nonjudgmental person* would."

This is important; you need to try to have an outside view of yourself.

It's amazing how much this can help. For example, I often say to myself and others, "I have no friends."

_Is it true?_
No, it isn't. I have many friends. Online, there's (name), (name2), and (name3); they all care about me, as far as I know. I also have friends offline, including (name5), (name6), and several upperclassmen. I might not hang out with them all the time, but they are friendly and helpful.

_Is it helpful to get what I want?_
No, it just makes me pity myself and stops me from focusing on bettering the relationships I already have.

_What is its overall impact?_
It makes me less willing to try to make new friends, because it makes me think all my previous attempts have failed.

_Would I be acting this way if I didn't have SA/SP?_
I doubt it. I would "hang out" with the aforementioned people more often, so it would be more apparent that they are my friends. I would talk to the three online people offline, and I would have three great relationships.

Wow.


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

Is this a good book so far? I think I might like to read it.


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## travo (May 20, 2004)

cool, thanks for sharing the exercise.


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