# Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationships?



## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Sorry if the title was blunt, if youve read my opening post youll know i declare myself "asexual" which is basically one who has no want of sexual relationships because...well i just dont have the urges that most people do. 

Is anyone in the same boat? :hide :afr :hide :afr :afr i honestly dont know of anyone else like me at all :sigh


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

What of ghost_girl?


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Sorry i dont understand :afr


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

ghostgurl is a user on SAS that has claimed to not want a relationship before, i think


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I can't relate. Tonight I"m so horny for human interaction that I'm thinking of emailing my ex, ex (that's X two times removed) gf and seeing if she wants to go out. And it was with her that my anxiety, now in remission, flared up BIGTIME. But she is really attractive, Hmmmmmmmmmm?


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

FairleighCalm said:


> I can't relate. Tonight I"m so horny for human interaction that I'm thinking of emailing my ex, ex (that's X two times removed) gf and seeing if she wants to go out. And it was with her that my anxiety, now in remission, flared up BIGTIME. But she is really attractive, Hmmmmmmmmmm?


:lol call her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

There was a thread a while back where some users (mostly in their early twenties) express loss of desire to be in a relationship. So no, you're not alone. :yes


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

I'm not particularly interested.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

I'm not interested either. Surprisingly, I've found there's a lot of opposition to the concept of asexuality, for some reason. People actually seem to get offended about it. It's amusing.


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

too true, i really wish i was hetero or homosexual though the biggest urge i have is wanting to be normal and wanting to want someone but i just dont..do people ask you guys questions about it? Why you dont have a girlfriend or why you dont take much of an interest?


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

NickLurker said:


> too true, i really wish i was hetero or homosexual though the biggest urge i have is wanting to be normal and wanting to want someone but i just dont..do people ask you guys questions about it? Why you dont have a girlfriend or why you dont take much of an interest?


People used to ask me that. I just used to give them weird or smartalecky answers until they got the hint and stopped asking.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

I think there was some show on TV once where they actually documented people who were genuinely asexual so it might just be another sexual preference. I can safely say I am not asexual, although I have given it some thought. I'm mainly not interested in a relationship because of confidence issues. Also I just can't picture it sometimes. It feels like it would be too time consuming, boring, or like there's an intruder in my space (edit to add : OMG I didn't mean that literally) . Also I'm 23 never been in a relationship and virginal. I don't want to die a virgin and a can't have sex for sex's sake (damn it), so I'm eventually going to have to invest myself in someone emotionally- which I think will drive me to insanity. But I think only having gone through all that can i seriously consider choosing to be a asexual.


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Sex as a passtime or "experience" just doesnt appeal, like i said i just see people as a function of organs (how romantic) not in a good or bad light, its hard to explain but there is just nothing magical or mystical there for me.

Gwen, i had a friend like you who hadnt been in a relationship before and grow so far into her habits that she decided it was just not something she was looking for, shes married now, i havent spoken to her for a year but last i heard she was really happy when she found Mr right


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## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

I am asexual as well. I have no interest in sex or romantic relationships...
I wouldnt mind platonic relationships but Im not very good at those either. In fact the only person I could ever see myself spending the rest of my life with is another me. does that even make sense? probably not...


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Is it possible that those who consider themselves asexual are expressing a desire for a quality relationship rich in depth as opposed to a shallow, unfulfilling relationship? I ask because sometimes we joke around about being horny, or needy or wanting "someone", and although that is funny and a spontaneous expression, it does not reflect what we all would want in the long term. Which is a rich, fulfilling relationship based on trust and friendship.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

I'm definitely not asexual, but I'm not at all interested in a relationship anymore. It's just a huge deception in the end and not at all worth it.


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

FairleighCalm said:


> Is it possible that those who consider themselves asexual are expressing a desire for a quality relationship rich in depth as opposed to a shallow, unfulfilling relationship? I ask because sometimes we joke around about being horny, or needy or wanting "someone", and although that is funny and a spontaneous expression, it does not reflect what we all would want in the long term. Which is a rich, fulfilling relationship based on trust and friendship.


Yeah to me, what quantifies as a relationship doesn't necessarily have to involve sexual activity at all, as long as it involves physical activity. I mean the simple cuddling, holding hands, kissing, being close able to smell your partner, the physical attraction, all that typical stuff, to me adds a lot and that combined with close friendship is an ideal relationship for me. Sexuality is just a potential byproduct and one potential aspect of intimacy, and is not necessarily necessary. :kiss


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

My first experience in a night club at uni was at a friends birthday, i was so so set against going but i went because in the end if i didnt it would have cast some really nasty issues between me and my housemates in that it would seem i didnt like them if i didnt go, my anxiety is weird in that i can talk to people its situations more that get to me, anyway i went and there was a girl there who took a shine to me who was on my housemate's psychology module, i was hating the night and all it consisted of was me going back and forth to the loo with stomach pains just wanting to leave. After a while she came over and started talking, she was a bit drunk, i made simple conversation about how nightclubs make me sort of uncomfortable, she then went "aww your cute" and hugged me...and i felt nothing at all, now obviously i cant read anything into that but as she did instead of feeling warm or appreciated or anything like that all i felt was her hands round me. That may sound really weird but i guess to compare it its like when someone tells youve about a great music track and you hear it and dont understand its value. She then asked me to dance and i said no but several people dragged me up and like a lemon i went up there starting to lose my breath. While i was...bopping i spose would be the best term (just bopping from side to side) she kissed me and again i felt nothing, not even appreciative i just wanted it to end, not in a "my god this is uncomfortable" but again like music when you dont understand the fuss. She gave me her number but i never called her. this wasnt the moment i discovered i was asexual but it was another moment where i felt, jesus im really not like most people.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

NickLurker said:


> Gwen, i had a friend like you who hadnt been in a relationship before and grow so far into her habits that she decided it was just not something she was looking for, shes married now, i havent spoken to her for a year but last i heard she was really happy when she found Mr right


Dear Bog Don't say the "M" word- that will make me sign up for asexual camp in no time. I can see a relationship happening in the distant future, it's not that I'm wanting for Mr. Right, I'm mainly not in a relationship because of me, the way I think/ feel about myself- I don't think it has anything to do with whoever.


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

Yea i want one! I could die tommorow and never had a girlfriend. I have SA tho and need a woman who also has SA, this way we can hang out and do whatever and not say a word to eachother. I'm not a horny pig, i'd just love to have a girlfriend that i could lay down with on my couch and watch movies with while running my fingers through her hair, or if she has shaved head running my fingers over her peach fuzz. I'm never gonna have a girlfriend tho i think! and if i ever do find one she is going to be NUTS !


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I love this thread because as Donna Summers once said, "Ooooooooh, I love to luv'ya baby"...........sorry I'm in a goofy mood. The girl at work who I'm infatuated with ignored me all day, after we talked all day everyday last week. So now I have to go around to all my workmates and joke and laugh so she knows I'm not bothered at all, JEESH! I'm not sure who the head case is her or me. It made me think of this thread. Oh well, I've lost 10lbs and her indifference is motivating me to get into great shape. t


Anyway, the togetherness of a relationship is really the great stuff. Sex is okay, but it's the cuddling and canoodling that leads up to it that is the best. I think all of the above said it better than me.


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Yeh i hear that alot, about the cuddling and kissing being nice, the "do they like me dont they like me rollercoaster", makes me feel like a robot a bit haha, ahwell..i love my dog (in a plutonic way) and when i hug him i feel happy (we only kiss occasionally lol)


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

Plutonic? How does that work?


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

Sometimes I do, more often I don't. I don't think I can devote that much time to someone else. Maybe if I found someone else that felt the same way?


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

Mayflower 2000 said:


> Yeah to me, what quantifies as a relationship doesn't necessarily have to involve sexual activity at all, as long as it involves physical activity. I mean the simple cuddling, holding hands, kissing, being close able to smell your partner, the physical attraction, all that typical stuff, to me adds a lot and that combined with close friendship is an ideal relationship for me. Sexuality is just a potential byproduct and one potential aspect of intimacy, and is not necessarily necessary. :kiss


yes this sounds nice I think that's the only reason for wanting a romantic relationship. You can have fun with friends ( if I had any) but the above you can only get from a romantic love- unless you want in on one of those F*cking cuddle parties- umm no . Even my dog will bite me if I get to close- but if a boy bites me, it might be kinda hot. Oh and sexual intimacy is absolutely necessary.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

Couldn't have said it better myself and being bitten by a boy _is _hot.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relati*



SilentProphet said:


> Yea i want one! I could die tommorow and never had a girlfriend. I have SA tho and need a woman who also has SA, this way we can hang out and do whatever and not say a word to eachother. I'm not a horny pig, i'd just love to have a girlfriend that i could lay down with on my couch and watch movies with while running my fingers through her hair, *or if she has shaved head running my fingers over her peach fuzz.* I'm never gonna have a girlfriend tho i think! and if i ever do find one she is going to be NUTS !


HA!


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## Loner (Jun 8, 2007)

In a way I guess I'm in the same boat. It used to be that my desire for sex was in healthy competition with my good judgement, and if something had set off my imagination, I'd put up with a lot of hardship, so to speak, to get that one thing I wanted. Not anymore. At this point, I could think of half a dozen things I would prefer to having sex. Some of them as pedestrian as a really good book. It's really kind of sad. For one, the singleminded pursuit of my youth gave my life structure and meaning, much the same way I expect religion might for other people. For another, it was my best reason to desire female companionship. Now they mostly mystify me, wheras before my confusion was nicely masked by more important considerations. Which brings me to relationships. Without this doglike desire, I think I'll be much too picky to ever have one again, particularly because I'm no prize myself. Seems like I missed the boat on having a family, which would have been fun. That's the primary regret, I suppose. Guess I'll go with a dog, eventually. Only, I'm afraid of the periodic heartbreak, whenever the dog's time is up. Not so sure I could handle that.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

I'm definitely not asexual. Because I'm an older virgin with a slightly lower sex drive than most males I had thought I might be until I saw a CNN piece on asexuality which described it as having absolutely no desire for any type of sexual activity whatsoever (not even with oneself). It doesn't consist of having a lower desire based on past experiences; asexual people have zero desire. They even interviewed a married couple who never had sexual relations and have no desire for them. So no, that's certainly not me. I want a relationship very badly. But wanting one and being able to have one are two different things. At the moment I don't believe I'm mentally healthy enough to date. That could change but it's unlikely any time soon. So it's frustrating.


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Sometimes i feel quite guilty in the sense that i read these threads about how hard many people find it in their search for love, i dont know whether its because i stay away from most people and is considered perhaps "mysterious" but for some reason ive had 4/5 girls try to get to know me and ask about me to my housemates, 2 i know (including the girl at the night club) had a crush on me...seems like a waste it really does. So much of me wishes i could want them too  cause then i wouldnt feel like im missing something and empty


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## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

cnn did an article on asexuality? I wish i could have seen it.


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

*Re: re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relati*



Zephyr said:


> I'm not interested either. Surprisingly, I've found there's a lot of opposition to the concept of asexuality, for some reason. People actually seem to get offended about it. It's amusing.


i don't think anyone gets offended, its just seem hard to believe. Im not saying there aren't asexual peoiple because there obviously are, just i would bet a large majority of the people who claim to be asexual are just using that as an excuse.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relati*



AdamCanada said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > I'm not interested either. Surprisingly, I've found there's a lot of opposition to the concept of asexuality, for some reason. People actually seem to get offended about it. It's amusing.
> ...


I would go the other way and say only a small percentage of claimed asexuals are using it as an 'excuse' (although, I'm not sure what the excuse would be for...). There's no point. People do not understand asexuality, and it usually invites incredulity and more questions.


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

*Re: re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relati*



Zephyr said:


> AdamCanada said:
> 
> 
> > Zephyr said:
> ...


I totally agree.


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

Well i suppose its like this straight people cannot understand what its like to be gay right? Same as gay people dont know what its like to be straight, asexuals are just the same, we dont understand what its like to feel for either gender in a romantic light


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

NickLurker said:


> Well i suppose its like this straight people cannot understand what its like to be gay right? Same as gay people dont know what its like to be straight, asexuals are just the same, we dont understand what its like to feel for either gender in a romantic light


No I think I can understand what it's like to be gay, it's all love people. Now asexual?, I can't say I understand it. I think choosing to be asexual and being it are very different? With a conscious choice it feels like a big relief, a lot of my anxiety goes away but than I start to feel like I'm missing out on something. I don't know what kind of reaction I would have if someone were to spontaneously kiss me?- jump him maybe?- no , oh and if I do notice someone noticing me I get mad- i guess that's were being and choosing differ - it's like "Don't you know I'm asexual!- Piss OFF!"

And I think Zephyr's right saying something like I'm asexual will only invite more questioning, it's not used as an excuse.


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

*re: Longshot but is anyone here not interested in relationsh*

Zephyr is right for once?!? I'm scared. :afr


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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

I must admit i do wonder sometimes about myself, i used to think using "logic" which now doesnt seem very logical that because i didnt develope feelings for women that i was gay, seemed like a choice between a and b and since i knew i wasnt a i must be b. So i started asking myself some tough questions about my sexuality and analysing my relationships, i found that though i prefer male company based purely because i went to an all male school and thus that is the circle ive grown up in i dont have any sexual attraction at all towards them. I thought i was lacking testosterone or soemthing like that, though i have gone through all the normal "physical" changes of puberty, my voice has broken i have a nice beard on me. I saw a programme a while ago about someone who's sex drive was low and he got shots of testosterone and other drugs to help him increase his sex drive and deepen his voice because his body wasnt producing enough. Wonder how that would work on me...in honesty though despite being miserable in my current situation in terms of education/life (lack of) but in terms of relationships...i just dont feel anything that makes me want one...but i really wish i did want one if that makes sense. Who knows, i mean im young and open minded and maybe someday ill meet someone and ill feel normal


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