# a question about bullies



## KawaiiHime (Oct 10, 2013)

i'll never understand them. why someone has need to make other's life miserable?? i know, some once were bullying victims themselves, but what with bullies who weren't bullied? who come from decent families etc... 

what makes them be a bully?


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## MillzMurray (Oct 10, 2013)

they just weren't given a proper example of love and kindness, usually, and if they were those lessons have yet to sink in.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1067398002-post13.html

The link is to a post I made a few days ago on the subject. Perhaps it may contain an answer that resonates. I hope.


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## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

in our highschool , the bullies were often the rich ones


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## TheSandlot (Oct 4, 2012)

KawaiiHime said:


> i'll never understand them. why someone has need to make other's life miserable?? i know, some once were bullying victims themselves, but what with bullies who weren't bullied? who come from decent families etc...
> 
> what makes them be a bully?


There's a need that must be filled and the bully gets it from from whoever they target. It could be increase of popularity, obscure way of being funny, thirst for power, or etc.

No matter what caused the bullying it is not your fault.

Here's a thread about my current situation about bullying.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f289/being-bullied-in-college-628169/

Here's a video to cheer you up


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## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

I think nothing more than a lack of empathy... They're surrounded by people, but those people are all nothing more than interactive objects performing roles.


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## Redfan45x (Oct 10, 2013)

When I was about 13 and in middle school, the bullying was horrid to me. I was fat and shy and too timid to stick up for myself.
Then over the years stuff changed, I lost weight, went to the gym with my older friends a lot.
Last year I spent a year living in the ghetto of a big city with my sister, wasn't going to school. I experienced a lot of stuff that made me realize that high school bullies are pathetic. They don't mug you at gunpoint. So going to a new school now I have a lot of confidence. As not only am I the oldest kid here, but I don't have time for that crap anymore. If one of these kids even tried to bully me, it wouldn't work. And I'd likely use the philosophy of show them pain first, and teach them to F. off.
Don't have time for annoying little 17 year olds acting tough around me.


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## TheBigH (Oct 14, 2013)

I have a few stories concerning bullying.

The first time I had a bully, I was in first grade. I didn't even know what "bully" meant. I remember this kid named Chris. He like stealing from my lunchbox and putting gross things back in its place like snot rags. This happened for awhile and I got pretty upset. One day I tore up his homework after I found out he took my milk. The teacher saw me tear up his homework, and I tried to explain why I did it. She instead just called my grandparents who I lived with at the time. When I got home my grandfather pretty much went ape**** on me with a belt and gave me a lecture on not picking on other kids at school. I was so confused. I stood up for myself and got punished for it. This happened a few more times in first grade. The teacher would call them, and I would go home and get punished for it. When I tried to explain what happened, he would slap me and tell me "no talking back." Damn that was a confusing time in life.

In middle school I had a bully. It was this really fat, nerdy Asian kid with straight A's. How he turned into a bully I have no idea. You would think people would be the one bullying him.
I only had one class with him everyday, but it was hell. He would throw things at me, take my stuff, shoot spitballs at me, tear up my homework, and slap me around, always when the teacher wasn't looking. She thought he was such a good student. I finally got enough courage one day and just...lost it. I waited till class was over. I remember walking behind him...he had no idea I was there. I just followed him for the longest time. And I remember thinking to myself...if you don't do anything, this will continue. So I just hit him one time in the back of the head as hard as I could. It scared the **** out of him. He didn't know who hit him or why it happened, then he turned around and saw how red my face was and how angry I looked. He then laughed and said "Was that supposed to hurt?" then walked off. He never bothered me again. He actually started treating me with some respect. I never became friends with him or anything, but at least he stopped ****ing with me. 

Also, in middle school, I joined in with a group of bullies. I realized if I hung around with them, I wouldn't be bullied. I started bullying other kids. It was a really bad thing to do. I was really young and stupid, but I just didn't want that hostile attention turned to me. I've felt bad ever since.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

KawaiiHime said:


> what makes them be a bully?


I'm going to give you a very simple answer.

Some people are naturally sadistic.

That's it. It doesn't have anything to do with people being insecure and ****. (although some bullies don't have the nuts to do it when they're not with their friends).

Some people are just pricks and get joy out of ****ing with other people.


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## HopefulDreamer (Feb 26, 2012)

As much as I hate to admit it, I was a bully when I was 13. I feel bad about it now, and I've apologized to the girl for it. The thing was, for most of my life I was an outcast and I got made fun of by people. In my grade 8 class, it was the first time that I fit in since I was a little kid. The other students actually liked me. And so I was an idiot and joined in on them teasing the other class outcast. 

Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and change that. She's over it now (we talk often and she tells me I have nothing to be sorry for), and it's been 14 years but I still feel like crap for doing it. The only reason I did was to fit in. Although it was stupid because I already fit in. The kids liked me anyway. I'd give anything to do back my thirteen year old self, and tell her not to do that crap. All those kids and I grew apart when we started High School. And I went back to being one of the outcasts. I often wonder if it was karma for doing that.


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## notgettingbywannadie (Sep 17, 2013)

My understanding of bullies is that there HAS to be some reasoning behind their bad behavior (not that it's excused in any way). Don't assume you know everything about someone. We all have a past and many of us cope with it through destructive behaviors. Once again, it's not excusable, but there is a cause in my opinion.


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## HumbleTears (Aug 21, 2013)

HopefulDreamer said:


> As much as I hate to admit it, I was a bully when I was 13. I feel bad about it now, and I've apologized to the girl for it. The thing was, for most of my life I was an outcast and I got made fun of by people. In my grade 8 class, it was the first time that I fit in since I was a little kid. The other students actually liked me. And so I was an idiot and joined in on them teasing the other class outcast.
> 
> Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and change that. She's over it now (we talk often and she tells me I have nothing to be sorry for), and it's been 14 years but I still feel like crap for doing it. The only reason I did was to fit in. Although it was stupid because I already fit in. The kids liked me anyway. I'd give anything to do back my thirteen year old self, and tell her not to do that crap. All those kids and I grew apart when we started High School. And I went back to being one of the outcasts. I often wonder if it was karma for doing that.


Probably was karma. I just hope the people who bullied me get to experience loneliness. Not a single one has apologized to me. My therapist predicted that the girl who bullied me in sixth grade would be slapped by karma and wind up with no friends. But today she has tond, and i have none.

But kudos to you for apologizing to the girl.


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## MJohn (Oct 26, 2013)

In my opinion, it could be that they simply want to fit in with others (like other bullies), or they do it for the feeling of power or dominance. I was more on the victim side, but I could see how they always try to be like an authority or something, and some even went as far as disrespecting teachers.


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## cladvirus (Oct 24, 2013)

Some people get off on putting others down. Its the world we live in


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

They crave power over someone they deem weak. Through manipulation, guilt trips and knowing how to get into your head, they can control you. That kind of bully is nothing more than a social parasite.

Karma usually closes in on these people pretty hard at some point in their lives though, which is never a bad thing.


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## Love4Lyricism (Oct 22, 2013)

They have an inferiority complex and feel they need to prove themselves by picking on someone they know (or think) won't fight back.


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## seagull92 (Oct 26, 2013)

Humans are animals too, and are governed by natural laws, a well-known one of which is Darwin's law of survival of the fittest. The weak will always be weeded out and picked on and left to rot afterwards, unless of course they weren't really weak in the first place and become strong later on. It's the sad truth, bullies are just obeying the invisible laws that bind all life. So I don't believe in karma for bullies. In fact, if anything, they are rewarded for their behavior. And bullying doesn't end with school, it continues in the workplace and throughout life.


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## KawaiiHime (Oct 10, 2013)

seagull92 said:


> Humans are animals too, and are governed by natural laws, a well-known one of which is Darwin's law of survival of the fittest. The weak will always be weeded out and picked on and left to rot afterwards, unless of course they weren't really weak in the first place and become strong later on. It's the sad truth, bullies are just obeying the invisible laws that bind all life. So I don't believe in karma for bullies. In fact, if anything, they are rewarded for their behavior. And bullying doesn't end with school, it continues in the workplace and throughout life.


I've never understand that karma for bullies. How the eff can someone know that they'll (bullies) fail in life and we (victims) will succeed? :con
Sadly there is bullying in the workplace too, but I wouldn't compare it to bullying in school. If you really can't stand bullies in your workplace, simply just quit. At least that's what I'll do when I won't be able to deal with them.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

Usually there is something about the victim that reminds them of something within themselves that they hate (whether its conscious or subconscious).


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## Khorneflakes (Oct 20, 2013)

KawaiiHime said:


> I've never understand that karma for bullies. How the eff can someone know that they'll (bullies) fail in life and we (victims) will succeed? :con
> Sadly there is bullying in the workplace too, but I wouldn't compare it to bullying in school. If you really can't stand bullies in your workplace, simply just quit. At least that's what I'll do when I won't be able to deal with them.


bullying happens for several reasons, some have already been posted. more often then not though, I would just put it down to the fact that teenagers and young adults aren't complete in their emotional development (no offense there ). Too much self centrism and too little empathy or understanding for other things. That's generally speaking though. There are of course lots of teenagers who are socially very mature, and there are also many adults who have not made that transition and probably never will. 
As for the karma, despite what is often been said, humans don't follow strict natural laws anymore. Human society is at a point were a degree of cooperation and altruism benefits the individual more than pure egotism. A society of bullies would collapse pretty fast. You can read a bit online about the tragedy of the commons if you're interested. Bullies who don't change their behaviour will sooner or later not be tolerated by society. They will have dificulties finding or keeping a job, friends or a partner.


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## XairoN (Jul 5, 2013)

There can be many reasons for bullying , maybe they are insecure about them self and want to put others down to feel more secure about them self, maybe they see you as competition for something and want to make you insecure to get you out of the way or maybe you have just pissed them off somehow and they just want to hurt you.

It all starts with them throwing a bunch of insults at you until they find a weakness, when they hit right they will see it in your reaction,facial expression, body language and hear it in your voice etc. One of the most common insecurities is about looks and no matter what you look like the bully might call you ugly and when you give a reaction to that they will keep calling you ugly till you believe you are. The more you believe what the bully says about you the greater the damage. You might try to ignore them but they still see that they are hurting you, you might try to fight back but they see that what they are doing is still working so they continue.

Its only when you no longer believe in what they say and stop giving a reaction to their actions that their power over you will be destroyed. Insecurities is like a bully magnet, its like blood in the water and every shark wants a bite. 

Many people will most likely blame bullying for their low self esteem and that is most likely true, but low self esteem is in many cases the reason a person is bullied in the first place. Shift the focus away from the bullies and to yourself and learn to love and respect yourself and a bully will no longer have any power over you.


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## ZADY (Nov 11, 2013)

They want to feel better about themselves. So when they bully they feel like they are in control


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## KawaiiHime (Oct 10, 2013)

TheSandlot said:


> *No matter what caused the bullying it is not your fault.*
> 
> unfortunately, it's easier for some people to blame the victim (me).
> 
> ...


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