# What do you find attractive in a woman? (Personality)



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

First of all I know everyone's different. I'm just wondering about trends. I mean there are obvious ones for women - confidence, humour, intelligence etc. They don't apply to every woman obviously but yeah.

But I was thinking about it, and I realised I don't actually know what guys tend to be attracted to in a woman beyond physical appearance. Like this is the thing that gets brought up the vast majority of the time. 

This is SAS so I'm almost certain this thread has been made before, but I'm lazy and want my own thread 

Oh and yeah, please don't mention physical appearance related stuff obviously lol.

This thread is aimed at male posters tbh, but I'm not going to shoot other people for answering either.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

well all guys will have different tastes in woman like you mentioned. For me, I like someone who is kind and caring. I think those are the two major characteristics i find to be absolutly attractive in a woman. Hope that helps


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## Cenarius (Aug 2, 2014)

Comforting. That's really the big one, the main personality trait for a woman to have.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

A pleasing physical appearance and money are my top two traits in what I look for in a woman.

She must also be self-centered, arrogant and condescending.


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

I don't really care too much, as long as they're at least reasonably pleasant to be around.


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## drummerboy45 (Jul 29, 2010)

A little bit quirky, NICE, KIND, laughs at my jokes 

Abrasive personalities are the absolute worst. That applies to both male and female.


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## gamingpup (Jul 10, 2013)

Hmm. I'm really not sure, there are a bunch of qualities that I really like about some girls.
I'll list a few:
-Opinionated, I don't like girls that just go with everything they need to be able to argue with me... Does that make me weird?
-Fun, I really don't like it when I'm around people that don't wanna do anything but sit around.
-Geeky, be it video games, books or anime I don't mind but just having something like that there into makes them more interesting to me.
-Sensitive, I really like it when they don't shy away from showing there emotions and are able to understand mine.
-Blunt, I think its great when a girl doesnt skip around everything like most people do. If they have something too say then say it.

Hmm looking at that I wonder how my tastes will differ from other guys on SAS.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Personality? Is that like a new kind of bra or something? If so, I'm attracted to girls with C cups.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

Jammer25 said:


> A pleasing physical appearance and money are my top two traits in what I look for in a woman.
> 
> She must also be self-centered, arrogant and condescending.


actually scratch my earlier comment. what he said :yes


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Anyone who pays me attention.

I wouldn't really know how to describe it. Whatever seems to be the opposite of what society would say.


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## Cenarius (Aug 2, 2014)

I'd also add agreeable. Sure, I'd like a girlfriend that was smart and had her own opinions and views, but save that for internet debates. I don't want a girlfriend who needs to argue and debate me.


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## dassad (May 13, 2012)

Not sure how to describe it but a girl who has here own stuff, but have stuff in common with. So like we can share a certain core of things, but learn new stuff from each other over time? If that makes any sense.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I like girls that are nice and sweet, if a girl isn't sweet then I have a really hard time being very interested. Being introverted is pretty important to me as well, less important would be shy but shyness is nice though. A personality that is easy for me to chat with, like playful but not immature.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Metal girls.


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## Szeth (Jul 5, 2014)

I like girly girls who are down to earth, not superficial, and intelligent, thoughtful, and have a good sense of humor. I'm usually more attracted to introverts as well.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

women who like my avatar are attractive to me


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## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

goofiness


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## iKenn (Jul 30, 2013)

Someone I can talk to and trust.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

I like boobies in a woman's personality.


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## Kiba (Apr 26, 2013)

I dig tomboyish art girls...
-Dude sense of humor
-independent
-Just all around fun to be around and do things with, isn't caught up with all the bs
-into artistic endeavors
-Digs anime, foreign and avante garde film and video games!


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Kindness, humour, intelligence, independence, open-mindedness, curiosity, mischievousness, down-to-earth, somewhat adventurous......confidence is nice but it's not a deal breaker...

That's about all I can think of right now. 

(^Those are things I like in everyone, regardless if I want to sex them or not)


Turn offs: Cynicism, misanthropy, selfishness, negativity, cruelty, stupidity.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

^ I like your list. It's a good list.


Oh, except cynicism. It can be humorous if it isn't too deep. I like a good curmudgeon.

Note: Is it bad that my eyes glaze over from second-hand boredom when I read stuff like "sweet, nice, agreeable"? Sounds like a doormat. Maybe I'm just jaded.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Guys like a bit of helplessness and vulnerability.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

diamondheart89 said:


> ^ I like your list. It's a good list.
> 
> Oh, except cynicism. It can be humorous if it isn't too deep. I like a good curmudgeon.


 Why thank you! 

There was a time when I enjoyed a little bit of cynicism too....for some reason I can't really stomach it anymore....could be the anti-depressants :eyes


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## KimThanh (Jul 27, 2014)

A lot of people answering these "dating tips" questions often confuse behavior with personality.

Nice, kind, caring, comforting, funny... all those things can be mimicked and faked because they're behavioral queues and attitudes.

Personality traits? Take achiever, narcissist, dreamer, pragmatic, spiritual, materialist, intellectual, self-centered, extrovert/introvert... These are things one should absolutely take into account.

ANY DECENT HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE KIND AND CARING. And they're not free tickets to having sex either  _I'm looking at you, "friend-zoned" guys!_


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

She has a sense of humor (preferably compatible with mine), down to earth, not selfish, somewhat sarcastic, intelligent, empathetic, kind, understanding, open minded, not lazy, positive attitude, trustworthy, dependable.



KimThanh said:


> A lot of people answering these "dating tips" questions often confuse behavior with personality.
> 
> Nice, kind, caring, comforting,* funny*... all those things can be mimicked and faked because they're behavioral queues and attitudes.


I agree with some of those but you can't really fake being funny. You either are or you aren't.



> ANY DECENT HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE KIND AND CARING.


Right, except a lot of people aren't. That's why I would like that quality in a partner.


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

stoicism, nerdy/geeky, doesn't think im undateable. basically that's it.


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

i like it when the women have healthy sense of inevitable death


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Kindness, humour, intelligence, independence, open-mindedness, curiosity, mischievousness, down-to-earth, somewhat adventurous......confidence is nice but it's not a deal breaker...
> 
> That's about all I can think of right now.
> 
> ...


I thought you loved me


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## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

i like a woman whos witty stuff


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## steviejb (Apr 5, 2013)

Introverts/deep thinkers - the two pretty much go hand in hand. I love being around people that I can have an intelligent and/or meaningful conversations with. Idle chit chat (weather, "how are you?" when it's not meant, etc.) bores me to tears. I tend to be drawn towards creative types as well. In my experience people who are/have been creative think differently to the majority. Someone who is honest as well as I really can't stand not knowing where I stand with them. Being open-minded is hugely important to me. I'm very much a live and let live type of person, so if they weren't open-minded, we probably wouldn't get along

I think that covers the basics.


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## Bluestar29 (Oct 26, 2013)

My equal. One thing that I've always been attracted is girls reading sci fi, fantasy, or/and history books in public. I don't know but I immediately want to talk to then .


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## SlowburningKarma420 (Aug 12, 2014)

I prefer a woman who is shy, yet confident in who she is, is somewhat introverted and has a dark sense of humor, is understanding and open with her feelings, is non materialistic, artsy/creative, inquisitive, sensitive, trustworthy and willing to put up with long run-on sentences and bad use of punctuation.

I've dated all types of personalities, but I find women who share a lot of my personality traits seem to understand me better, and the reverse. I only wish it didn't take me so long to figure that last bit out.


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## Minkiro (Nov 22, 2012)

extremly said:


> *She can win you through quirkiness (...would say humor but most girls don't qualify as conventionally funny).*


:sus Let me guess "It's hard to find a girl that's funny"?


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

- Funny
- Down to earth
- Relaxed/casual attitude
- Caring and warm
- Perhaps slightly tomboyish
- Creativity or other pursuit of mental stimuli; into mathematics perhaps :b

I like it when a girl can inspire me, show me new things and bring out my best qualities as well. One that makes me feel comfortable and cared for.
And I like being silly and awkward and just not having to worry about performing or living up to things that much, so people who respond well to that and go along with it are awesome.



diamondheart89 said:


> Sounds like a doormat.


I wouldn't kiss my doormat after some of the things I've done to it.. if you know what I mean 
Though do be careful about referring to people as doormats.


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## Schmosby (Jan 26, 2014)

I like them to be a decent human being above all (I find most women fail right here due to being selfish), then things like being laid back, understanding towards my condition, being tactile etc are a bonus


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

probably offline said:


> I thought you loved me


Awwww :b You honestly don't strike me as any of those negative things.

(although I don't know about the cruelty part )


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

Banter. Someone who can take the pi** out of me and is equally ok with me taking the pi** out of her


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

SouthernTom said:


> Banter. Someone who can take the pi** out of me and is equally ok with me taking the pi** out of her


xD you're like me. I like them bad.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

Aside from the regular stuff (funny, intelligent and so on):

I like women that have some maturity but haven't forgotten their 'childish self' and aren't afraid to be silly or stupid. It's like me, I can be dead serious and responsible and everything when it's needed but other times I can just be stupid and goof around about things. 

Another thing I like is women that are pretty open about their intentions and what they want. It's so annoying when she is extremely hard to read and giving off all different sorts of vibes. I mean to me it's often a huge turn-off.

I also find it attractive with a little bit of insecurity. Like in the way where she doesn't take it for granted that guys finds her attractive or when she is sometimes weak and wants to be comforted by me. That's cute. Politeness and manners are very important to me as well. 

A bit of tomboy is cool Things like if she is into videogames, likes beer, stuff like that. I find it attractive.

It's also attractive with women you can discuss things with. Thus she should have at least some clue on what's going on and some real personal opinions, I don't care much for girls that has their head full of makeup and stuff or that just follows the group and don't think for herself.

Of course I also find it very attractive with women that are prepared to go that extra mile for me. I mean I really want a relationship where I can just be myself and not hold back on anything just cause she might take me for granted or try to use me. I don't wanna play those games. I think I could be very romantic and good at making her feel special under the right circumstances so of course it would be nice to experience that she feels the same way about me.


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

M0rbid said:


> xD you're like me. I like them bad.


I don't like them bad, I just want a girl that doesn't take themselves too seriously, and who can have a laugh at her own expense (as well as mine).


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


I never realised that was supposed to be a thing for men in general? I don't read women's magazines (or magazines at all anymore) though tbh.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I never realised that was supposed to be a thing for men in general? I don't read women's magazines (or magazines at all anymore) though tbh.


My best friend and I used to look through them in middle school and high school, and pretty much every single issue said that. It leads readers to assume that men want women who are positive and happy all the time and who never have any issues (i.e. perfection).


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


I dunno, I imagine confident guys will go for confident women (although not always the case). Remember, though, that this question is being posed to socially awkward men, and so i doubt any socially awkward guys would feel comfortable with an overly confident woman. I certainly wouldn't.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

SouthernTom said:


> I dunno, I imagine confident guys will go for confident women (although not always the case). Remember, though, that this question is being posed to socially awkward men, and so i doubt any socially awkward guys would feel comfortable with an overly confident woman. I certainly wouldn't.


Lots of people reading that stuff will assume that it applies to all men.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I like girls who are witty and have a sense of humor for sure. I have an offensive and blunt sense of humor and I like the same in a woman. Also, intelligence and a good sense of reality. I like kindness and sensitivity as well as long as it's not excessive to the point of them not having their own opinions and being unable to disagree with me.


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## DocHalladay (Jan 19, 2013)

Im attracted to a submissive personality... I also for some reason like girls who have low self-esteem or other issues. Idk why it may be because I have abandonment issues and want to be in a control.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


I think it might have more to do with not wanting a girl who will settle for just about anyone or a girl that seeks reassurance from guys by sleeping around and so on. Not that all women who lacks confidence does those things of course. But it's more common among them. However while a very low confidence might not be all that great, I find it hard to believe that men would care if a woman isn't overly confident.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


people on this forum arent going to care as much about a woman with confidence. men who fancy themselves as alphas and dont have problems being quoted in a magazine want confident go-getter women because those are the woman who bring in the largest number of new connections/networks/experiences into a relationship. i think people on this board just want to be not lonely or misunderstood and aren't thinking in terms of superior networking/social standing opportunities.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

SPC said:


> people on this forum arent going to care as much about a woman with confidence. men who fancy themselves as alphas and dont have problems being quoted in a magazine want confident go-getter women because those are the woman who bring in the largest number of new connections/networks/experiences into a relationship. i think people on this board just want to be not lonely or misunderstood and aren't thinking in terms of superior networking/social standing opportunities.


I think that's part of it. The guys that they survey usually seem like the popular alpha types, so it wouldn't be surprising if they preferred extroverted, confident girls.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


I never really hear about that being number one on the personality trait that men look for in women. I thought it was usually the number 1 personality trait that women look for in men though. Does that sound accurate?



zoslow said:


> However while a very low confidence might not be all that great,* I find it hard to believe that men would care if a woman isn't overly confident.*


Yeah I agree. I just don't think most guys would care that much if a girl they liked wasn't overly or even very confident. It seems to me that most guys would be okay with that. I always thought that confidence, while both genders can find it appealing, was more important to women than men.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Darktower776 said:


> I never really hear about that being number one on the personality trait that men look for in women. I thought it was usually the number 1 personality trait that women look for in men though. Does that sound accurate?


Yeah, that seems accurate to me. I never really understood it. Confidence isn't important to me. It can easily lead to cockiness, which is an enormous turn-off...but a lot of girls I know like it for some reason. Someone who is overly confident is a lot more likely to treat others like crap.


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## DocHalladay (Jan 19, 2013)

Hadron92 said:


> A submissive woman who can cook and clean for me. And an obedient one.


Thats the dream man...nothing I love more than a woman with low-self esteem who I can comfort and control.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> Yeah, that seems accurate to me. I never really understood it. Confidence isn't important to me. It can easily lead to cockiness, which is an enormous turn-off...but a lot of girls I know like it for some reason. Someone who is overly confident is a lot more likely to treat others like crap.


Too much confidence can be annoying. The super confident/popular/class-clown types in school always made me roll my eyes even though everyone else loved them lol. Also, I actually find it pretty intimidating when a guy is really confident. :afr


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm shocked that pretty much nobody said confidence. :con It has to be a myth that confidence is the Number 1 personality trait that men look for in a woman. Women's magazines that have those "ask a man" sections always have men saying that that trait is most important to them.


This is the first I've heard of this. Usually it's men who are attracted to shy women (again note that we're talking about averages here). Also these things change with attitudes in society etc. Eg shyness was way hotter in the past as women were groomed to be good wives etc.. But I believe even now that people are more open-minded you'll seldom find a guy who is ok with being supported financially by his woman (that is what I've seen in my brother when he was unemployed and all his friends). Men want to feel like "men" I suppose.

...

For me the ideal woman is one who is like me, a damaged woman. A woman who may be able to understand me, even a little bit. For that to happen, she'll have to have been through some serious **** in her life too.

I've never had even a female friend, but I know that I was attracted to a girl in dance class last year. She was (or I imagined she was) like me in a lot of ways; she listened to extreme metal bands (my favourites), she was a training psychologist but I never took the chance to tell her, she was nice to me (necessary condition obv), she even sweated as much as I did (a LOT!). Finally, at some point she said she didn't like a class because it was crowded, which yeah, you can guess what went through my mind...

tl;dr; a damaged girl, just like I'm damaged


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## Koalacrockie (Jul 14, 2014)

Mine are a bit different

Passionate (about something!)
ambitious
socially observant
caring
loyal
doesn't need to be center of attention


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

Kindness, affability, humour. An indifference to convention can be attractive sometimes as well.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Isn't manipulative
Isn't petty
Has manners (polite in public)
No unforgivable interests (kicking children, eating people, listening to rap, etc)


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

A girl that like to share moments of silence, it's impossible to explain the type of personality that I like, if I see something that I love then I just love it.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Milco said:


> - Funny
> - Down to earth
> - Relaxed/casual attitude
> - Caring and warm
> ...


Some people act like doormats and they end up used and abused. I was one of these people once. It doesn't pay to be too sweet or kind.  Having a backbone and a healthy sense of self-interest is essential to happiness.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I like a lot of different types of women.

I like classy, confident, assertive women. I also like ridiculous, silly, playful women.

I don't expect anyone to have all the traits I admire. I like women who are a little rough around the edges, who have vulnerabilities as well as strengths.

I mostly just like a woman who is brave enough to be herself, and open-minded enough to accept me for who I am.


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

*Kindness!* I find true, legitimate kindness to be incredibly attractive.
Honesty
Understanding

It all pretty much ties in to kindness and just being a sweet, good person.


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## Alas Babylon (Aug 28, 2012)

A similar sense of humour to me, and approachability. 

Those two would be most important to me personality-wise. Other than that, intelligence and assertiveness are also very attractive personality traits.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

masterridley said:


> This is the first I've heard of this. Usually it's men who are attracted to shy women (again note that we're talking about averages here). Also these things change with attitudes in society etc. Eg shyness was way hotter in the past as women were groomed to be good wives etc.. But I believe even now that people are more open-minded you'll seldom find a guy who is ok with being supported financially by his woman (that is what I've seen in my brother when he was unemployed and all his friends). Men want to feel like "men" I suppose.
> 
> ...
> 
> ...


Any other traits or is that her whole personality?


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## EndlessBlu (Mar 7, 2012)

I want the girl I fall in love with to be shy, eccentric, open-minded, and have an inclination toward the darker side of life along with a complete lack of ambition. Our love will inevitably spiral downwards into an unfathomable abyss of heroin addiction and anime binge-watching. Then we will commit double suicide in the Aokigahara forest.

Most romantic relationship ever <3


Some people place a lot of importance in intelligence and sense of humor. You can be intelligent in so many different ways though. And for sense of humor, as long as she isn't a buzzkill or a prude, I don't think I would care all that much.


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## Compwear (Aug 19, 2014)

I'm attracted to girls that I can talk to and share difficulties with, whom is friendly, kind and selfless. Other things like shyness, humour, opinions, interests and being a hard worker to name a few is important but not essential for me to be attracted to someone.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

big boobs


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## ByStorm (Oct 22, 2013)

Someone that's NOT filled to the brim with BS. Someone that keeps it real; calls it as it is. Not psychotic. Quirky and cute. Affectionate. Introverted. Other qualities.


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## chinaski (Mar 1, 2010)




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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

Fruitcake said:


> Any other traits or is that her whole personality?


haha not sure if sarcastic >_>

If you're talking about the girl in dance class, she was also kind, *not the loud type* and she also liked to touch a lot, like, if I made her laugh (once in a million ages) she would touch my arm (I don't understand why some women do that but I liked it :yes)


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

diamondheart89 said:


> Some people act like doormats and they end up used and abused. I was one of these people once. It doesn't pay to be too sweet or kind.  Having a backbone and a healthy sense of self-interest is essential to happiness.


I'm afraid I that's my experience as well, but I'd still avoid that label.
I've been called it a couple of times on here, and it's usually done as a way of dismissing my personality (that I'm not actually showing real kindness, just letting people walk over me) or to justify why people shouldn't be interested in me or why I'm worth less.
Those aren't particularly nice things to have said about you based on other people's pure speculation of what you're actually like in real life.
And if I have to be completely honest, it often seems people use it to justify why their level rudeness is actually the most kind people can be - as any less rude means you're a doormat and that invalidates any kindness you have.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

Being kind to almost the point of caring about others more than themselves but being open about everything I love girls who think they can tell me anything, have strong opinions, physically like to be close, I like cuddles :b and I like playful sarcastic banter  

I like introverted girls but I always seem to be hanging around with extroverted ones suppose it put less pressure on me to try and be normal :b


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I read somewhere that a common preference for guys is women who put others before themselves, would you guys say this is an attractive quality?


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## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I read somewhere that a common preference for guys is women who put others before themselves, would you guys say this is an attractive quality?


I think that's a double edged sword.

I used to have a girlfriend that was very selfless and she always placed everyone; family, friends, me, above herself and her own needs. She wasn't a doormat but she still took it too far and while that made her an incredibly likeable person in the end it proved too much of a burden for her and ended up hurting her as well as her relationships.

I can't speak for other men evidently but personally I think that the ideal woman in that regard is one that doesn't neglect herself in favor of others but that's still capable of giving and even willing to make the occasional sacrifice when someone has truly earned it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Crimson Lotus said:


> I think that's a double edged sword.
> 
> I used to have a girlfriend that was very selfless and she always placed everyone; family, friends, me, above herself and her own needs. She wasn't a doormat but she still took it too far and while that made her an incredibly likeable person in the end it proved too much of a burden for her and ended up hurting her as well as her relationships.
> 
> *I can't speak for other men evidently but personally I think that the ideal woman in that regard is one that doesn't neglect herself in favor of others but that's still capable of giving and even willing to make the occasional sacrifice when someone has truly earned it.*


That seems more reasonable.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Milco said:


> I'm afraid I that's my experience as well, but I'd still avoid that label.
> I've been called it a couple of times on here, and *it's usually done as a way of dismissing my personality (that I'm not actually showing real kindness, just letting people walk over me) or to justify why people shouldn't be interested in me or why I'm worth less.*
> Those aren't particularly nice things to have said about you based on other people's pure speculation of what you're actually like in real life.
> And if I have to be completely honest*, it often seems people use it to justify why their level rudeness is actually the most kind people can be - as any less rude means you're a doormat and that invalidates any kindness you have.*


I agree with a lot of that. It seems like quite often if you're genuinely a nice person you get punished for it. Being a kind/nice person (especially as a man) ISN'T a good thing to be because then you are either a "doormat" , "being fake", or my favorite "boring."

After hearing those things so often it makes a guy wonder if he should throw some insults in there occasionally, be rude, and disrespect a girl so he won't be considered so boring because being nice, while still having a back bone, doesn't seem to be appealing.


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## Mixahl (Jul 24, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> First of all I know everyone's different. I'm just wondering about trends. I mean there are obvious ones for women - confidence, humour, intelligence etc. They don't apply to every woman obviously but yeah.
> 
> But I was thinking about it, and I realised I don't actually know what guys tend to be attracted to in a woman beyond physical appearance. Like this is the thing that gets brought up the vast majority of the time.
> 
> ...


Her being free and open.
Character. A good example... in a movie where there was a mutiny against a hard sub captain, and the other crew tried to get his second in command to take his place. Instead, he released and restored the captain back to his place of leadership. When the captain asked his second in command why he did that... Why he didn't take over when he had the chance, the response was... "It would have been wrong."


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## SlowburningKarma420 (Aug 12, 2014)

SouthernTom said:


> I dunno, I imagine confident guys will go for confident women (although not always the case). Remember, though, that this question is being posed to socially awkward men, and so i doubt any socially awkward guys would feel comfortable with an overly confident woman. I certainly wouldn't.


 You hit the nail on the head, man. I do appreciate a woman with confidence and conviction in her feelings and opinions tho.


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## SlowburningKarma420 (Aug 12, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I read somewhere that a common preference for guys is women who put others before themselves, would you guys say this is an attractive quality?


 I find women who take the "caretaker" role attractive, I also notice motherly qualities. I don't like to be looked after, but look for and appreciate that in a woman. I dated a nurse for 4 years and found that to be one her most attractive qualities, even more so than her model good looks.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Oh I like these threads.

Aggressive, determined, tenacious, intelligent, confident, bold, courageous, ambitious, unique, strong-willed, fierce, self-reliant. I also tend to lean towards yandere/tsundere types.

Kindness/niceness is not an attractive quality to me.


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## HopelessFriend (Aug 7, 2013)

*Honesty*. Someone who would tell me the truth if they had a problem with me, instead of avoiding or lying to me because they "don't want conflict".


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I read somewhere that a common preference for guys is women who put others before themselves, would you guys say this is an attractive quality?


I would hope not... and it isn't a preference for me, personally. Anyone who's like that is going to be used and abused, and I think maybe it's only attractive because overly kind people clearly are going to give you kindness if you approach, too. Nothing I can think of that isn't cringe-inducing, even if it's just someone vulnerable who needs to be cared for.

I'd want anyone I'm involved with to be only a little bit kind, because I'd be protective enough towards them to not want them to go through the emotional, financial, and psychological hell that is giving too much, not having enough boundaries or self-interest, etc.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Thigh gap of course...


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

Quiet, well read with lots of interests, some one who is always exploring the depths of reality, introverted of course! some one i cant take seriously ha ha


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I've been attracted to many different personality types - laid back, introverted, bubbly. I guess the common thing among them is that they were genuine and didn't create a lot of drama. As mentioned somewhere in this thread already; I'm not keen on confident women though. A bit of humbleness goes a long way with me, I don't want to be walking on egg shells to try to avoid offending someone's fragile ego. Being able to let things go and not take everything seriously is a big plus.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

orsomething said:


> f**k her and her ugly cardigan


:lol


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

In no particular order, excluding honesty. Honesty = #1 :

Honest.
Assertive/Bold.
Good natured (not a pushover or people pleaser, though).
Good sense of humor.
Introverted.
Articulate.
Kinda weird.
Geeky.
Kinda intellectually cocky. Doesn't shy away from intellectual debates.
Open minded, somewhat nihilistic/easy going, but still has personal ambition.
Sharing.
Hygienic.
Wise.
Loyal.
Confidence too, I guess.

Some are arguably not "personality traits", pfft I know. Shoot me...I mean sue me.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

I like energetic, nice, friendly girls who are fun to talk to and non-judgemental. I like girls with common interests (videogames, anime, movies). I don't like loudmouthed conceited girls.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

Not really bothered about personality just looks


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## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

In a woman , i like the eyes , the hair , the lips ,the breasts and else ...


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Confidence
Sense of humor
Humbleness
Adventurousness
[but also] Chill...ness

Face
Hips
***


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Rich91 said:


> Not really bothered about personality just looks


Honest lol


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> Honest lol


Yeah

I don't really find myself attracted to a womans personality but rather just the way she looks. I think the majority of people are like that but I might be wrong.


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

I tend to be most attracted to girls who don't try too hard, girls who are passionate about something (anything), and girls who are "down to earth," as much as I despise that phrase. :b But what gets me crushing every time is someone with an easy, free spirit. I don't know how to describe it better than that.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Rich91 said:


> Yeah
> 
> I don't really find myself attracted to a womans personality but rather just the way she looks. I think the majority of people are like that but I might be wrong.


Some people are like that. If it was just a random hookup then I could definitely see that point of view.

But for me, while I have to be physically attracted to her, the woman's personality is also important. If I find her attractive but can't stand to be around her because of her personality then I wouldn't want to be with her.
Having a good/compatible personality also makes just being around her so much more enjoyable. You can laugh together, spend time with shared interests, etc. If our personalities mesh well it just makes it all the better IMO.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> First of all I know everyone's different. I'm just wondering about trends. I mean there are obvious ones for women - confidence, humour, intelligence etc. They don't apply to every woman obviously but yeah.
> 
> But I was thinking about it, and I realised I don't actually know what guys tend to be attracted to in a woman beyond physical appearance. Like this is the thing that gets brought up the vast majority of the time.
> 
> ...


Personally I think it's more about chemistry than anything else, if I'm talking to her and the conversation flows easily and I feel comfortable that's what's most important.

mutual interest, like what do we have in common, be it food, music, hobbies, that kind of stuff.

whether we make each other laugh, I like it when a girl likes my sense of humour, and nothing is more awkward for me than having to force a laugh for the sake of being polite.

honesty or trustworthiness . Really when I'm interested in a girl I'm worried about being used or led on or just getting hurt because of past experiences so it's always a great feeling when you feel that your date is genuine took a risk I went on one date with a girl who I was not completely sure about... Never again

Then there's obviously the physical aspect...

In order of importance I'd say honesty, chemistry, physical appearance, mutual interest and humour

Really I guess it's a whole lot simpler that all this...in short, if a girl has a pleasant personality, I have fun around her and I'm attracted to her that's all I want


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Water bottle said:


> Someone who's not heartless and believes my gender (that she's a part of) should be subordinate and for the use of men.


OK but I don't know why you're bumping an old thread to tell me this Gwyn.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

1. If I really tried to answer this question I could probably type all day and only succeed in boring everyone, confusing the hell out of myself and end up saying "I really just don't know"

2. I'm not a typical man. I have very odd taste in women. I'm not drawn to most of the things the typical man is. 

3. If there is one word that sums up what I'm attracted to in a woman, it's quirky. Which is very dangerous. Which is probably why I never really tried the GF thing beyond getting my feet wet. There are LOTS of very quirky women who hate their quirks and don't want people to be attracted to them for those reasons. 

4. Women who are very open-minded about sex. This is super rare. I'm not attractive or rich enough to get anywhere near women like that. A woman could be perfect in every other way and if she hates sex and/or male sexuality, that cancels out everything else.


Really though. I have almost never met a woman who would want anything to do with me if she really knew me. I may have been superficially attractive to a few over the years. I have been very attracted to many in a superficial way. Occasionally I have met women who I had a lot in common with. But there are always things about them that diverge sharply in crucial areas. 

Anyway, it's kind of a pointless exercise for me to even think about it. A woman who would want anything to do with me would have to support me and that's just an unacceptable situation for both.


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## JerryAndSports (Jul 13, 2018)

Mainly just personality. It's all about the flow and chemistry because I don't care about anything else if you're a boring person or can't have a heart to heart with me or go places with me and have fun then what's the whole point? Also just being different because nowadays everybody tries to act\look the same so yea.


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## Quietguy86 (Aug 12, 2018)

Well for me, I look for someone who's got a good sense of humor, she doesnt have to be a stand up comedian or even LMFAO funny but she has to make me laugh in some way, I like someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, you know how she feels, someone who s fun and easy to talk to, good to animals and children, she's friendly, knows how to get down and have a good time, she's a great listener.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

Long legs and classy hairstyle.


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## Equine24 (Nov 13, 2016)

I really like the ones that genuinely like me back as something so simple as being friends while not just lusting over me for the sake of being "awarded" the taken relationship status as many cliques of my age seem to do frequently. I like different people, skeptical possibly insecure but someone who can listen to me and ask questions and not just throw random negative judgement (simple yet offensive to me). I like average to thin women but I don't like big girls because that's all I seem to attract and all it seems to me is just lust, without getting to know me and seems kind of perverted to have someone looking you up and down and not caring that you can obviously see them gape over you like a sex object. I also really dislike gender-entitled women that expect being worshipped or expect something from you just for being around them.

Anyways, in this world my standards are too high but at least I've stopped caring about trying to find someone and just live my busy life as it is, exploring on my own and discarding anyone negative that keeps me from being positive. In this world, there is too many people pushing and shoving, very little know what love is. It's not just a financial gain to me, to help pay rent, etc. I do not fit the relationship norms in society and categorize myself, therefore I'll remain single. I have stopped trying and only wait. I've never had anyone in my life consider to show me what love is, so my life has been dull, while I watch others live as if from a book I missed out on.


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## Reverie101 (Jan 5, 2018)

My ex taught me a lot I don't want ...like I'm revamping my standards. 

cant be mean, offensive, talk about other women in my presence constantly, tell me to brush those things off, flirt with other people.

However I did like his humor. 


Idk, I expect so much more now...


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## Reverie101 (Jan 5, 2018)

Quietguy86 said:


> Well for me, I look for someone who's got a good sense of humor, she doesnt have to be a stand up comedian or even LMFAO funny but she has to make me laugh in some way, I like someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, you know how she feels, someone who s fun and easy to talk to, good to animals and children, she's friendly, knows how to get down and have a good time, she's a great listener.


That totally described me to a T 

it makes me pretty happy because I'm quite bubbly and silly when you get to know me but I always thought I had to change or tweak that sily/humour aspect of myself because I thought
being a funny girl would instantly land you in the bro/friendzone (concerning guys)

Idk I guess just have to make sure I'm as graceful as I am humourous. so maybe I'll scale back a bit..

However, I don't see myself dating for quite a long time. Was just neat to have a trait of mine seen as valuable.


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

I've always liked free thinkers. Especially those that don't strongly believe in gender stereotypes.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Reverie101 said:


> My ex taught me a lot I don't want ...like I'm revamping my standards.
> 
> cant be mean, offensive, talk about other women in my presence constantly, tell me to brush those things off, flirt with other people.
> 
> ...


Those are just basic things, its crazy how much women put up with. You need to learn that what you feel inside deserves to be matched.


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## Quietguy86 (Aug 12, 2018)

Reverie101 said:


> That totally described me to a T
> 
> it makes me pretty happy because I'm quite bubbly and silly when you get to know me but I always thought I had to change or tweak that sily/humour aspect of myself because I thought
> being a funny girl would instantly land you in the bro/friendzone (concerning guys)
> ...


Gee and here I thought we'd hit it off and hit the town, dance and have a good time, I'm teasing. I have a female friend like you who doesn't see herself dating or even being in a relationship. It s nice to know someone shares the same traits etc as you.

Any guy would be lucky to find someone who could make him laugh. You're good as you are, not that I know who you are but yeah you don't need to change to fit anyone else's expectations. The right guy will appreciate your humour.

Personally I'd rather see someone be real than fake being graceful.


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## Reverie101 (Jan 5, 2018)

Suchness said:


> Those are just basic things, its crazy how much women put up with. You need to learn that what you feel inside deserves to be matched.


I know I put up with a lot.. too much ... I still shudder a bit with everything I allowed...

never again.


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## spotlessmind90 (Dec 29, 2016)

Down to earthness, need me some of that.


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## Tabris (Jul 14, 2013)

When they're not a complete psycho with a dumpster of a personality. Though every woman I've met this year seems to fail this.
The latest one kept acting crazy and even demanded that I stop visiting my grandmother because she wanted my time all for herself. Later on keeps threatening to suicide if I don't devote myself to her.

So yeah, not that.
I like girls who are laid back/easy going. This matches my personality well - I can't deal with intense people.


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## Nekobasu (Apr 22, 2018)

I will say what I loved about my now deceased fiance, okay her laugh was like music to my ears, her soft touch when she would rub my shoulders, her eyes would light up when I made her giggle, the way she would apologize over and over when she ruined a chicken dinner, so we had to go out to Denny's lol I mean really.. if you love a woman you will find almost everything about her attractive


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## MattyT97 (Mar 11, 2017)

I seem to find shy and introverted girls quite attractive.


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## Meisha12 (Oct 20, 2018)

How beautiful her smile is.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

Girls who are mysterious and quiet. Ones with a sarcastic and a deadpan snarker personality, but that can also carry themselves very graceful and elegantly. 

Doesn't take anything from anybody, someone who is really cool. 

Intelligent 

Likes darker content, such as gothic poetry or horror. 

Loves cats 

A sense of humor

Enjoys obscure content from music, anime, manga, etc.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Intelligence, open mindedness, a sense of humour. Someone that can match me emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Cheeky, creative, and caring. I guess generally reserved too since it's fun helping people out of their shell and becoming more expressive.

Meeting people on a deep and meaningful level happens so far and in between for me, but it encompasses so much of my emotional and spiritual needs that I don't mind too much.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Nekobasu said:


> if you love a woman you will find almost everything about her attractive


Very true.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Retracted my previous long winded post, it was bull****.

High agreeableness (i.e. be nice / loving to me), intelligence and sanity (or, a lot more sanity than mine) would seem to be the minimum prerequisite checkbox traits. Everything else is just based on whether we can stand each others presence for longish periods.


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## Woyzeck (Oct 26, 2018)

Compared to my teenage years I focus less on physical attributes. They're not totally irrelevant of course, but character has priority by now.

*humor*: not as in making jokes, but as in being able to laugh things off once in a while, and not be too uptight. Even better if she has a sense for the macabre.

*empathy*: someone who knows that different people have different needs, and is mindful to them in a reasonable way.

*curiosity*: someone who is open to learn new things and have meaningful conversations.

(emotional) *reliability*: we all have our bad moments, but frequent drama for no reason turns me off. Obviously being loyal is important, too.


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## Solomoon (Dec 29, 2017)

Intelligence, kindness, creativity, strong interests


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