# I'm almost 25 and feel like its to late for me



## dutchguy

I feel old, to old to fix all my problems and my lack of experience in life.
I have no friends,love, good job. 

I start this thread with reason on this part of the forum. I hope some "older"(sorry) people can tell me what I should do, Our what they wanted to do them selfs when they were 25. Please I dont want to loose more time. I feel so old already


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## cavemanslaststand

I'm 32, and my last 6-7 years went by like a blur.

Regardless of how bad things are with work, try to save money early, often, and keep on saving. Everything else is just "Shadows and Dust" (Maximus).

Money begets money, whereas SA will just turn into a bad back or some other physical ailment with time


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## daniel1989

You can fix those problems. 25 is not old. Just go after what you want.


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## jnk501

25 is definitely not too old to fix anything -- you're just starting out.

Saving and money are definitely important. But they are a means to the life you want. I've made the mistake of focusing solely on job and money for the past 10+ years, sacrificing all other aspects of my life. This has left me feeling myself holed up inside of myself, unable to connect and interact with people in any meaningful way and wondering where the time went and why I feel like I've accomplished so little in that time (other than having a good-paying job that drives me nuts).

I'd suggest you think carefully about what you want and not just do what's expected (get a good job, make lots of money). I try to take my own advice and almost every day write down a list of what I want at that moment (not just material things, but out of life) and try to do just one small thing that day to make just one of those happen. Some of these things I've accomplished, some I've been writing down almost daily for years with no progress -- but at least I have an idea of what I want.

Just don't waste your time in front of the TV -- get out and do something you find meaningful and you think moves you even just 1mm closer to what you want each day.


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## Salus

Your most likely not even 1/3 of your life span, so feeling "old" is not really an option. (But i do understand what your saying). What job do you want? Are you willing to go to uni? (Sooooooooo many people, that go to uni are 25, so many are younger and so many are older than that). And that wouod be a great place to make people


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## Kon

dutchguy said:


> I start this thread with reason on this part of the forum. I hope some "older"(sorry) people can tell me what I should do, Our what they wanted to do them selfs when they were 25. Please I dont want to loose more time. I feel so old already


I didn't have a real full-time job until failry recently when I was 44. I wasn't married until 39. I was in debt for ~ $100,000 till I finally managed to graduate with a degree in 2007 when I was in my early 40s. In my 30s, I drifted from a variety of part-time janitorial/construction/labourer jobs (mostly due to help from relatives) even though I had previously studied medicine, dentistry, law/mba, neuroscience and geology.

I also lost track of pretty well all my university "friends" and/or didn't want anything to do with them. My introversion/SAD was as high as it ever was in my 30s. I spent my 30s mostly in the library just reading/researching/studying/writing on stuff that interested me: nutrition, strength training and philosophy of physics. I just did it because I enjoyed it (a lot). I also strength-trained like crazy and travelled using credit cards.

So basically, I lived with my parents during my 20s except for a brief time of about 2 years until I went broke. Then I moved back with my parents in my early to mid 30s then with my girlfriend (later wife) in my late 30s. Then I decided to go back to university with medication.

My wife was relatively successful so it did make things easier. She got me a job in her company and supported me through university. Later when I graduated I paid off my loans and bought a house (with a mortgage) within about 3 years. I was lucky because I got a job paying ~ $135,000-155,000/year. I recently messed up everything due to drug abuse but have been able to get my license re-instated and I think I will be okay. Overall, I don't really have any regrets and yes, it's not too late.


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## VanDamMan

The more focused you are on the past, the harder it will be to get going in the present.


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## millenniumman75

VanDamMan said:


> The more focused you are on the past, the harder it will be to get going in the present.


This is absolutely correct. At 36, I have not given up. In fact, Kon's post gives me hope. I am presently working toward the social confidence now. I can talk to people and only on bad days do I react badly.


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## AK32

It is never to late.


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## VC132

Yea, you're definitely not old, but I think it's good that we're sort of wrestling with the idea. I'm not far off from this stage.

I guess the question I would ask myself would be, _"If someone guaranteed me that my life was unchangeable, what is the first thing I would do or do differently?"_

I said, _"I have not a freakin' clue." _I also asked my family for the time, and also requested myself for the time that I needed to find out (perhaps without overly pressuring myself)


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## CeilingStarer

I can relate to Kon.

As you reach 25, and go beyond, you'll realise that life is an on-going journey. My psyche has changed so much in the last 2 years, that I don't even want what I worried I'd be "too late for" at your age. There's stuff I wish I did when I was younger, but I didn't even want that at the time... then if you got what you wanted at the time, you might even lose it at 30. It's just a journey, and we've had a slow/crap start in some aspects.

I hate the money economy really, but I agree that you should just save your cash. Cash will always give you options. Even though I've worked crap jobs (despite my degree), I could take 4 years off if I wanted... probably 10 if I moved in to a share-house.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

Hang in there, 'cause life is always changing. Maybe try to get into some situations where you might make friends etc. Job? Well, here it is hard to get a job right now. I hope that will pass. College or grad school? 

At 25 I made a "friend" at work and had a tiny bit of a life...but it was a scary life and I don't miss it or that "friend."


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## dutchguy

Ok I want to react honstly so here it go's.

You all say 25 is not to old, but I feel like I will be physically older and maybe even have wrinkles at 30.. I have so many years just avoided reality in order to cope with how I felt. I always hoped that someday everything will become just fine. And now I see a future that's very "adult". Im not grown up and I would like to re-live that carry free periode where you can do whatever you want with friends. I have never done that.. I always thought that it will happen to me in the future. But now I see that it will never happen..

On 30 people will marry and maybe have children. And what am I? I will be a 30 year old empty body with the knowledge of a shy kid.

I always wanten to be in shape, but now I don't see the point of even trying, eventually I will get older by the time I reach my goal, and It will only be working against nature. I would like to feel good about my looks someday. But I feel like that behind 30 looks don't bother that much anymore. 
Also I don't see myself functioning in a business, you all talk about university but I don't know If I am capalible of doing that. I feel like I will be working against myself, making myself more and more robotic. And why should I do that? I want to be happy not at all cost a good business men our something. I don't believe there will be any job that could make me happy. I'm not happy about anything in life general. 
I often say this is depression, but sometimes I smile while talking with family, I still dont feel real emotion but then I think to myself I can't be depressed if I can act like that.
I punish myself for my not working behaviour but at the same time doing something other then that makes me more and more depressed. The lack of life, the comparement with others it makes me feel really bad.
I don't know what wrong with me, our even if there something wrong with me?! 

I lack emotions, good emotions. Im so closed, my whole personality is hidden. 
I don't know what to do, I feel like hidding our escaping. But everywhere seems the same to me. I wish there was somekind of "life make over insitute"where I can live and learn and work and have friends. I'm so stuck in my thoughts and paterns of anxiety thoughts. My whole envirement is negative thought provocing. 

?:idea


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## Bobred

I know theres a poetry forum and this might already be in it but I thought it was worth posting here.*
*

*The Victor*

*by: C. W. Longenecker*

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't. 
If you like to win but think you can't, 
It's almost a cinch you won't. 
If you think you'll lose, you're lost. 
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will. 
It's all in the state of mind. 
If you think you are out classed, you are. 
You've got to think high to rise. 
You've got to be sure of your-self before
You can ever win the prize. 
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man. 
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.


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## Lelsey

dutchguy said:


> I wish there was somekind of "life make over insitute"where I can live and learn and work and have friends. I'm so stuck in my thoughts and paterns of anxiety thoughts. My whole envirement is negative thought provocing.
> 
> ?:idea


If there is such institute then i would like to join too ... But don't you think being here is also kind of similar? you can share your thoughts, talk about your situation honestly here without worries of people judging you. And reading the posts here can give you some ideas as to what to do... so now all you need is to start with a plan and don't be afraid to do it... even if you are going through hell, all you need to do is to just keep going.. right?

I am in a similar situation to yours by the way, and, after months of aimlessly wandering around and being depressed, trying to figure out a way, i have decided to just get going with a plan.. step by step... i don't care when i will be able to get out of this stage in life, the important thing is i am trying to do something about it.


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## dutchguy

Ok I get it, 
But when you all force yourself to do certain things, don't you feel depressed?
I get depression when I try to work on problems.
I get thoughts about(the subject we are not allowed to talk about on SAS) when I apply for jobs our want to make myself go to a gym.
Is this still what suppose to happen ?


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## sarafinanickelbocker

You certainly can try and get yourself going and work on your life step-by-step like Lelsey. But if you have no ambition to do anything, it sounds like you're in a depression rut. You have to get going in the first place and I understand it's difficult when you feel sad like you do (trust me I've been there...including as far as thoughts about the thing that must not be named). So maybe your first hurdle is the depression. :/ Are you seeing anyone like a therapist or anything like that?


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## dutchguy

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> You certainly can try and get yourself going and work on your life step-by-step like Lelsey. But if you have no ambition to do anything, it sounds like you're in a depression rut. You have to get going in the first place and I understand it's difficult when you feel sad like you do (trust me I've been there...including as far as thoughts about the thing that must not be named). So maybe your first hurdle is the depression. :/ Are you seeing anyone like a therapist or anything like that?


No I don't see a therapist. When I'm in my "comfort zone" like begin de computer, I feel empty, but when I try to do different the depression sets in..

I often feel my depression is not serious enough to go to a doctor, I'm afraid he will think I'm just a lazy loser who does not want to do anything.

I'm confused If this is me our depression?!
Well, I ordered some St Johns Wort. I hope It will lift my mood, and it will get me started.

I'm also worries about choices I have to make before its to late, like signing up for a education I don't have much time left, But in this state of being I'm incapably to make decisions.


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## NikNak31

dutchguy said:


> I feel old, to old to fix all my problems and my lack of experience in life.
> I have no friends,love, good job.
> 
> I start this thread with reason on this part of the forum. I hope some "older"(sorry) people can tell me what I should do, Our what they wanted to do them selfs when they were 25. Please I dont want to loose more time. I feel so old already


I'm 31 and been like this since I was 18 The last 12/13 Years has been a blur. Seek help is the best advice, the longer you leave it the more time goes by.

It's a damn shame you dont live near me cause I'd love to discuss this way of life in person. Nobody here is like me I think or if there is how would you meet someone with SA.


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## dutchguy

NikNak31 said:


> I'm 31 and been like this since I was 18 The last 12/13 Years has been a blur. Seek help is the best advice, the longer you leave it the more time goes by.
> 
> It's a damn shame you dont live near me cause I'd love to discuss this way of life in person. Nobody here is like me I think or if there is how would you meet someone with SA.


Yes I would also like to talk with someone that understand my situation so I would not feel ashamed for myself.

I think once you have social anxiety there is high risk for avoidance behaviour.
It seems like if you keep to long in avoidance you get stuck in it. All my negative thoughts keep me in it.

I know for sure that computer/internet, television, daydreaming are bad for people that live in avoidance. I even avoid my own feelings.
I try to break it but when I do that there come so much problems to me I seek back in avoidance.

I have no solution other then forcing yourself out of avoidance behavior.


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## NikNak31

Yeah I avoid doing some things still. I cant seem to break that avoidance behavior. I dont see it as a high priority going into town on foot which is my main issue. I go by bike or in the car I just wont walk it. I get shin splints walking which puts me off more than the anxiety does to be honest.

Everything you said is exactly how I see it but I had some major progress even going out the house and in to shops just by thinking....Right I'll probebly feel like crap but next time will be better cause I know what I will expect of myself. or It's just thoughts. Just because I'm thinking silly stuff doesnt mean its a real.


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## Trapt

Just try not to get ate up so much about.

I'm 25 also, and sometimes it really gets me down that I have no idea what I'd even like to do with my life, and sometimes feel like I'm yet to discover who I am, and maybe I never will.

It can really get to you. But sometimes you can worry just for the sake of it, it becomes a habit. Just know that you certainly aren't alone and that better times are likely to be ahead for you. I wish you all the best.


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## dutchguy

Something more pisitive: I belief in CBT. Try to replace everythought you have about yourself our about others with rational thoughts.

Also concentration can help you. If you concentrate on something so bad and try to train your concentration can help you get true situations, Like if you really concentrate on how someone talks to you You have no concentration left to think about how you look, our how one will judge you etc.

Also, If you don't do it right now when are you going to do it?. You have to start this sometime. Because otherwise you choose to die. At least thats it in my case. If I don't do it now, I will end up much worser.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Bobred said:


> I know theres a poetry forum and this might already be in it but I thought it was worth posting here.
> 
> *The Victor*
> 
> *by: C. W. Longenecker*
> 
> If you think you are beaten, you are.
> If you think you dare not, you don't.
> If you like to win but think you can't,
> It's almost a cinch you won't.
> If you think you'll lose, you're lost.
> For out in the world we find
> Success begins with a fellow's will.
> It's all in the state of mind.
> If you think you are out classed, you are.
> You've got to think high to rise.
> You've got to be sure of your-self before
> You can ever win the prize.
> Life's battles don't always go
> To the stronger or faster man.
> But sooner or later, the man who wins
> Is the man who thinks he can.


Attitude is everything.


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## millenniumman75

"How you think determines how you feel" - the first lesson of SA.


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## girlinwinter

What's with putting all the responsibility (blame) on yourself all the time though? How you think may influence how you feel.... but a lot of how you feel depends on how your life _is_. And no amount of trying is going to change some things to the way you want them to be.


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## dutchguy

I can't get this thought out of me head. I'm so disappointed right now in myself, in everything in general. I just can't accept I am getting older. It feels so depression that my youth is almost over and I haven't done so much things.


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## krista91

dutchguy said:


> I can't get this thought out of me head. I'm so disappointed right now in myself, in everything in general. I just can't accept I am getting older. It feels so depression that my youth is almost over and I haven't done so much things.


then go and DO all those things. 
Seriously, sitting behind the computer screen and feeling sorry for yourself resolves nothing.


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## dutchguy

krista91 said:


> then go and DO all those things.
> Seriously, sitting behind the computer screen and feeling sorry for yourself resolves nothing.


I feel its to late , I have to fix so many things about myself. But I know I have to do it someday so better now then later..
But this has a reason of course and that is extremely low selfesteem.


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## krista91

dutchguy said:


> I feel its to late , I have to fix so many things about myself. But I know I have to do it someday so better now then later..
> But this has a reason of course and that is extremely low selfesteem.


If you feel it's too late, you're gonna carry on living constantly whining how late it is? 
Look, I understand you. I have extremely low self-esteem together with SA. I feel my youth passing as well. But wallowing in self pity doesn't get me anywhere. I know how hard it is, but you have to start NOW. How many time has passed since you started this thread? What have you done to make your situation better ever since?


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## dutchguy

krista91 said:


> If you feel it's too late, you're gonna carry on living constantly whining how late it is?
> Look, I understand you. I have extremely low self-esteem together with SA. I feel my youth passing as well. But wallowing in self pity doesn't get me anywhere. I know how hard it is, but you have to start NOW. How many time has passed since you started this thread? What have you done to make your situation better ever since?


I now, but my emotions seem stronger then my rational thoughts. I can't get a decent job until now. I just see my future as very negative. I don't what to work on, our what and how to improve. And on top of that. I have so little time left.


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## kesker

*What do you love?*

When I was 25 I had returned to college. It was a disaster. I locked myself away in my apartment, had panic attacks, drank as much as I could afford, and flunked out after a year and returned home to live with my parents until I found a job--the same job I have today at 54 years old--a job I do not like and a job that is in no way in line with what I had dreamt for myself. There were (are) things I loved (love). I never pursued them and now I feel it may be too late. Promise me this: You will choose at least one thing you love and you will learn everything there is to learn about it. You will be an expert on it. Or you will simply enjoy that 1 thing every day. It doesn't matter what it is. Spend 1 hour every day on it. It can be anything. An aspiration, a sport, a hobby, a future career, whatever. Don't let days go by unconsciously. I let 30 years go by and I cannot get them back. Do this or do something that moves you toward your dreams. A little every day. Please. 25 was a pivotal time for me and I wasn't strong enough to push through. I hope you can. I wish you the best of luck.


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## crimsoncora

Kesker i am inspired


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## peach123

kesker said:


> When I was 25 I had returned to college. It was a disaster. I locked myself away in my apartment, had panic attacks, drank as much as I could afford, and flunked out after a year and returned home to live with my parents until I found a job--the same job I have today at 54 years old--a job I do not like and a job that is in no way in line with what I had dreamt for myself. There were (are) things I loved (love). I never pursued them and now I feel it may be too late. Promise me this: You will choose at least one thing you love and you will learn everything there is to learn about it. You will be an expert on it. Or you will simply enjoy that 1 thing every day. It doesn't matter what it is. Spend 1 hour every day on it. It can be anything. An aspiration, a sport, a hobby, a future career, whatever. Don't let days go by unconsciously. I let 30 years go by and I cannot get them back. Do this or do something that moves you toward your dreams. A little every day. Please. 25 was a pivotal time for me and I wasn't strong enough to push through. I hope you can. I wish you the best of luck.


Amen Kesker!!!!! I am 44 and it doesn't get any easier the older you are. The ones that are younger on here I IMPLORE them to work toward their goals and dreams, I hope they listen to what you have posted and work toward their goals, aspirations and dreams. I would LOVE to be in a relationship but it is harder the older a person gets. That is why it is ESSENTIAL for the younger people to work on their social anxiety so they can find that person that is right for them while they are young so they can enjoy life. The younger a person is, the more open they are to change so that is a reason for those who are younger to start working on what you want in life TODAY!!!!


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## alte

kesker said:


> When I was 25 I had returned to college. It was a disaster. I locked myself away in my apartment, had panic attacks, drank as much as I could afford, and flunked out after a year and returned home to live with my parents until I found a job--the same job I have today at 54 years old--a job I do not like and a job that is in no way in line with what I had dreamt for myself. There were (are) things I loved (love). I never pursued them and now I feel it may be too late. Promise me this: You will choose at least one thing you love and you will learn everything there is to learn about it. You will be an expert on it. Or you will simply enjoy that 1 thing every day. It doesn't matter what it is. Spend 1 hour every day on it. It can be anything. An aspiration, a sport, a hobby, a future career, whatever. Don't let days go by unconsciously. I let 30 years go by and I cannot get them back. Do this or do something that moves you toward your dreams. A little every day. Please. 25 was a pivotal time for me and I wasn't strong enough to push through. I hope you can. I wish you the best of luck.


Thanks for writing this. Good post.


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## dutchguy

kesker said:


> When I was 25 I had returned to college. It was a disaster. I locked myself away in my apartment, had panic attacks, drank as much as I could afford, and flunked out after a year and returned home to live with my parents until I found a job--the same job I have today at 54 years old--a job I do not like and a job that is in no way in line with what I had dreamt for myself. There were (are) things I loved (love). I never pursued them and now I feel it may be too late. Promise me this: You will choose at least one thing you love and you will learn everything there is to learn about it. You will be an expert on it. Or you will simply enjoy that 1 thing every day. It doesn't matter what it is. Spend 1 hour every day on it. It can be anything. An aspiration, a sport, a hobby, a future career, whatever. Don't let days go by unconsciously. I let 30 years go by and I cannot get them back. Do this or do something that moves you toward your dreams. A little every day. Please. 25 was a pivotal time for me and I wasn't strong enough to push through. I hope you can. I wish you the best of luck.


Thank you very much for writing this. I don't know what to say to you, but thanks.


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## Mae West

VanDamMan said:


> The more focused you are on the past, the harder it will be to get going in the present.


Right. Decide what part of your life you need to "tackle" first. For example career would be a good one because you will be able to make good money and take care of yourself no matter what you love/social life status is like. 25 is not old. The more motivated you are the better the results.


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## CleverKrolik

Kesker is so right and that post was wonderful!

My niece the other day found herself in a life changing moment. She calls me and says I think I am too old (25) to go back to college and finish what I started. 
Well I am 39 and in college,again. I listened to her and though, wow, 25 is nothing! What I would do to be back at 25 again. It is all perspective. Your are never too old to start something new that will make you a better person or give you more life experience.


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## dutchguy

I'm still going nowhere. What the hell is wrong with me!!!
Time is ticking away I can't stand it. It's like I am just waiting until everything will end. I'm basically waiting till dead, even how dramatic that may sound.

Everyday I wait until I can sleep, when I wake up I try to live as unconsciously as possible. Avoid anything out of my "normal" routine and just survive true the day until I can go to sleep again.


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## Kiwong

I am 48, I have to say the last three years have been some of the best of my life. I'm really living for the first time in years.


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## dutchguy

joinmartin said:


> You're still going nowhere? Where do you want to go? What's wrong with you? How do you know anything is wrong with you?
> 
> Time is ticking away? How do you know that?
> 
> I am genuinely interested in hearing how you know these things because I get and appreciate they are true for you and I want to see how you've noticed these things.
> 
> You keep TRYING to do something and TRYING not to do something. That's not gonna work. TRYING presupposes failure or not doing it. And if you try to not do something you actually have to do it in order to try not to do it. It's a dangerous loop.
> 
> 25 is not old. It's never too late whilst you have a heartbeat.
> 
> What do you want and how will you know when you've got it?


What's wrong with me?.. I live a very weird life, I avoid all kinds of things and don't enjoy life at all.
Why do I do this? Because I'm afraid I get extremely hurt when I open up my real personality. I have no confidence in myself. And no self esteem to back up the rejection of others.

Time is ticking away, how do you know that?.. Well I'm getting older I see that in the mirror. I see and experience how people move on with their life's and have much more experiences that I have. Because I try to experience as less as possible. It's literally like I try to live unconscious so I don't have to experience any feeling at all.

Yes I want things to change and at the same time I don't want to change because I have to suffer while changing. Also because I have no real hope that things will get better. Its like even when the greatest things would happen to me I doubt I would feel any better.


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## dutchguy

joinmartin said:


> I wonder how you know you live a weird life? You avoid all kinds of things? What's wrong with that? Are these things you want to do or things you don't want to do?


-I think I avoid things which I want to do. I don't know for sure if I want to do those things because it is connected to feeling anxiety for me. So maybe I want to do those things but I avoid them so I don't feel anxiety.


> I wonder how you know that opening up your real personality would cause you any kind of hurt?


-Because I would get response from other people about the way I am, I would experience judgement, rejection. Which make me feel bad about myself. Keeping a closed personality protects me from being hurt.
But I know its not the judgement from people that makes me feel bad. Its me who values those negative judgement from other to much.



> You have no confidence in yourself? But you seem very confident in the ideas about yourself that you have a weird life, that you'd get hurt if you opened up to people etc. What tells you that you have no confidence in yourself?


-Well.... I actually can't find reason for that:blank Maybe I do have confidence in myself and is that not the problem?



> Depression and other things have the power to mess with the sensory acuity so that's natural. But how does other people moving on with their lives effect you? Is experience a competition? Which is better: loads of really bad experiences or one or two amazing experiences?


-Well because other people are moving on with their lives. I am afraid there will come a time that I will be very lonely and that there is not so much opportunity to change that. Because other people are like "been there done that". While I still am not as far experienced as they are. It could cause difficulty socializing when we don't share so much in common. Of course this is not as black and white as I say so. But I think its reasonable to think that it will become more difficult when I am staying where I am in life and other peers are getting further.


> But you've been changing a lot since you were born. Were all those changes followed by suffering or experienced through suffering? You don't have all the same molecules you had when you were born. Those changed and so did other things change effortlessly and easily, did they not? You've linked change to suffering so yeah, motivation to change isn't going to be too strong. Why move towards suffering? But you can change that. Because change doesn't have to be about suffering. We change all the time easily and effortlessly.


-But when I talk about changing it's about circumstances and emotionally. Of course I changed physically.


> But I've been a little bit silly and missed your language. You want THINGS to change but YOU don't want to change. So, would better external circumstances make you feel better? Are you waiting for things to change before you feel good about yourself and accept yourself?


-Well With external circumstances I don't mean a house,car,electronics. But I mean actually, friends, social life, connection with other. Being myself and being true to my personality without hiding. Doing things I want and like, being free.


> What happens when you imagine accepting yourself just as you are right now?


-I find it difficult to know what is actually accepting?, I don't think I accept myself. I certainly don't accept my looks. But even when I imagine myself doing it, I think I would still not show myself, my emotions, because I'm afraid of others judgement. Our maybe I would? maybe I would feel totally different if I would look different. I don't know how realistic this is?

Why am I afraid of others judgement?
- I don't know yet.

By the way, thanks for helping me out. You think as a real therapist don't you


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## bsd3355

Well, one reason you don't feel alive is because your not living. Realize something you want to do and just go do it!


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## Ape in space

25 is young, but I know why it seems like it's too late. It's because you are no longer in a setting where most people find it easy to make friends, namely school and university. For me, after failing to keep the few friends from university after graduating, I feel like it's impossible now, because there are so few opportunities. So I can tell myself that I'm still young, but it doesn't really make a difference because I know that I can't use this time to make my life better, because it's so hard. After all, I've wasted the last 7+ years just being by myself and not being able to turn things around, so what comfort is it to know that I'm still young? I'm just wasting the time. I would feel much better about my age if I were actually making some kind progress in the social area.

But I have felt a bit better about my age in the last year or two, because I have been making a little bit of progress in some areas, like getting back my motivation for my degree (I'm in grad school), exercising regularly, making myself go out for walks regularly, along with gaining more acceptance of my situation so that I'm not constantly stressed about it. I think that as long as you are making some kind of progress, you will not be so depressed about your age, because you will feel like you are actually using the time rather than wasting it.


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## Social Knight

kesker said:


> When I was 25 I had returned to college. It was a disaster. I locked myself away in my apartment, had panic attacks, drank as much as I could afford, and flunked out after a year and returned home to live with my parents until I found a job--the same job I have today at 54 years old--a job I do not like and a job that is in no way in line with what I had dreamt for myself. There were (are) things I loved (love). I never pursued them and now I feel it may be too late. Promise me this: You will choose at least one thing you love and you will learn everything there is to learn about it. You will be an expert on it. Or you will simply enjoy that 1 thing every day. It doesn't matter what it is. Spend 1 hour every day on it. It can be anything. An aspiration, a sport, a hobby, a future career, whatever. Don't let days go by unconsciously. I let 30 years go by and I cannot get them back. Do this or do something that moves you toward your dreams. A little every day. Please. 25 was a pivotal time for me and I wasn't strong enough to push through. I hope you can. I wish you the best of luck.


thanks for sharing that, it takes ball to share you story.

I drop out of university after 2 years, work 2 years then went back to study for 2 years.

But I am still in a poor job that doesn't do anything with my study.
I feel **** and unhappy BUT that's because I don't have a social life or any passion or hobbies.

Imagine a successful professional with no social life or hobbies. He/she just have lots of money and career success but nothing else.


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## Social Knight

dutchguy said:


> I'm still going nowhere. What the hell is wrong with me!!!
> Time is ticking away I can't stand it. It's like I am just waiting until everything will end. I'm basically waiting till dead, even how dramatic that may sound.
> 
> Everyday I wait until I can sleep, when I wake up I try to live as unconsciously as possible. Avoid anything out of my "normal" routine and just survive true the day until I can go to sleep again.


Set goals. Are you still having social anxiety ? Find good treatment.

You are reluctant to take action because YOU OVER COMPLICATE LIFE and DREAM TOO BIG.

Take it easy and set yourself some goals. Write down goals, 6 month goals 1 year goals. And repeat that habit every year.

I'm 32 now and I repeated 2 years writing down journal and goals. I only made tiny improvement because I DIDNT FOCUS ON MY GOALS.


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## zorky

Your never too old to get going in any aspect of your life. If you are believing the hype of the hopeless vibe your experiencing that's how things seem. Truth is that you can do whatever you want with your life at anytime. Starting to learn HOW to accomplish these things is a good start to the end result.

Sometimes things just take learning to do them well, and if your starting from a place where its brand new info then you have to stumble before you can run. Its all good and you'll do best to remember to be kind to your self.. making mistakes is all good and necessary to succeed.

I was 25 and had nothing going, living in a real bad situation and really I can't even beleve where I'm at now.... hang in there and keep at it

Wishing you all the best dutchguy


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Break the rountine. Go and do things that remind you that you're still alive. Don't sit and stew in your misery, it's ciclical and it snowballs.


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## Social Knight

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Break the rountine. Go and do things that remind you that you're still alive. Don't sit and stew in your misery, it's ciclical and it snowballs.


Awesome advice.

Change attitude, change routine, do new things to experience life.

I hope everyone find good treatment or CBT and overcome shyness/loneliness.


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## Man Is An Island

dutchguy said:


> I'm still going nowhere. What the hell is wrong with me!!!
> Time is ticking away I can't stand it. It's like I am just waiting until everything will end. I'm basically waiting till dead, even how dramatic that may sound.
> 
> Everyday I wait until I can sleep, when I wake up I try to live as unconsciously as possible. Avoid anything out of my "normal" routine and just survive true the day until I can go to sleep again.


I will be 25 in September and everything you say essentially applies to me as well. Time goes by so fast and yet I am powerless to make my life remotely worth living. It seems I have to conjure up a fake, false positive personality to be tolerable to other people. When I am honest about the reality of my life, they use it as a pretext to hold me in contempt. Their remarks and behaviour reaffirm all the terrible, but accurate thoughts I have about myself.



Mae West said:


> Right. Decide what part of your life you need to "tackle" first. For example career would be a good one because you will be able to make good money and take care of yourself no matter what you love/social life status is like. 25 is not old. The more motivated you are the better the results.


This is good advice, but what do you do when you are absolute **** at everything? There is not one single thing that puts me in a position of advantage, even comparative advantage economically. You may say, "Well no one is good at anything right away, they have to work on it and develop those skills over time", but when even the average layman is better than you are at first, what hope do you have? I would do anything to make money, but I am an absolute joke. I screw up everything I engage in, whether it is intellectual or mechanical in nature. If people are watching me perform even the simplest of actions I will mess up, and doing the same task alone isn't much easier.

I sincerely hope I never make it to 25. There is a certain dignity in dying young. There is no worse way to live your life than to waste the entirety of your hypothetically productive youth and then finish it off in geriatric squalor.


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## dutchguy

Man Is An Island said:


> I will be 25 in September and everything you say essentially applies to me as well. Time goes by so fast and yet I am powerless to make my life remotely worth living. It seems I have to conjure up a fake, false positive personality to be tolerable to other people. When I am honest about the reality of my life, they use it as a pretext to hold me in contempt. Their remarks and behaviour reaffirm all the terrible, but accurate thoughts I have about myself.
> 
> This is good advice, but what do you do when you are absolute **** at everything? There is not one single thing that puts me in a position of advantage, even comparative advantage economically. You may say, "Well no one is good at anything right away, they have to work on it and develop those skills over time", but when even the average layman is better than you are at first, what hope do you have? I would do anything to make money, but I am an absolute joke. I screw up everything I engage in, whether it is intellectual or mechanical in nature. If people are watching me perform even the simplest of actions I will mess up, and doing the same task alone isn't much easier.
> 
> I sincerely hope I never make it to 25. There is a certain dignity in dying young. There is no worse way to live your life than to waste the entirety of your hypothetically productive youth and then finish it off in geriatric squalor.


I think much is caused by the social isolation our the "isolation"of my own personality to myself.
It very hard to motivate myself for anything. It's another kind of motivation that "normal" people talk about. I feel like I am not living at all. Im out of contact with what living is about. So motivation is something that's not present in my life for a long time.

I now struggle most with all the side effect that comes from avoidance/isolation/anxiety/depression. Like having no good education,job,friends etc.

Im worried about my future. And I'm worried about the choises I make our have to make because life is not endlessly. I can't be just waiting for something to happen our just doing something because not everything is always possible. Like getting an education. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've also lost hope that I would ever have real social contacts ever. I feel to weird, to in experienced. I feel old. our I think I'm to old to even try to change my life. I feel its all to late.

I also experience a "lack of" intelligence. My brain is slow... I can't talk as fast as other do our think as fast. And it seems impossible to me to learn new things. My fire inside is out. Im just here. But my spirit is already gone.
I experience to world as a very cold place, only things are there. I never experience a social connection. And if it comes close to it. I feel anxiety and overly self conscious.
I'm extremely lonely and never fit in.

"simple"things like exercise makes me exhausted and shaky/anxious/self conscious.
Walking outside the house makes me hate my own looks. Working makes me feel like a failure.
I don't know I can write endlessly but it doesn't make things better. 
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel dead from the inside. Not emotionally cold but there is something missing. The person from the inside is gone. I don't know how to explain it.
This all my sound very weird..


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## josh23

It's never too late. Become one of the many success stories out there.


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## KennethJones

dutchguy said:


> I think much is caused by the social isolation our the "isolation"of my own personality to myself.
> It very hard to motivate myself for anything. It's another kind of motivation that "normal" people talk about. I feel like I am not living at all. Im out of contact with what living is about. So motivation is something that's not present in my life for a long time.
> 
> I now struggle most with all the side effect that comes from avoidance/isolation/anxiety/depression. Like having no good education,job,friends etc.
> 
> Im worried about my future. And I'm worried about the choises I make our have to make because life is not endlessly. I can't be just waiting for something to happen our just doing something because not everything is always possible. Like getting an education. I just don't know what to do anymore.
> I've also lost hope that I would ever have real social contacts ever. I feel to weird, to in experienced. I feel old. our I think I'm to old to even try to change my life. I feel its all to late.
> 
> I also experience a "lack of" intelligence. My brain is slow... I can't talk as fast as other do our think as fast. And it seems impossible to me to learn new things. My fire inside is out. Im just here. But my spirit is already gone.
> I experience to world as a very cold place, only things are there. I never experience a social connection. And if it comes close to it. I feel anxiety and overly self conscious.
> I'm extremely lonely and never fit in.
> 
> "simple"things like exercise makes me exhausted and shaky/anxious/self conscious.
> Walking outside the house makes me hate my own looks. Working makes me feel like a failure.
> I don't know I can write endlessly but it doesn't make things better.
> I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel dead from the inside. Not emotionally cold but there is something missing. The person from the inside is gone. I don't know how to explain it.
> This all my sound very weird..


I could have written that post myself. I will be 26 years old this August and I have absolutely nothing to show for it-no friends, relationships, or any social connection and no hope of having a career anytime soon so my financial situation sucks.

I feel like it is too late for me too. I am still going through the difficulties that i faced when I was six years old. People shun and reject me in all aspects of life and I am not appreciated at all. I feel like I am slowly becoming a worthless piece of space.

I fear my future because it seems so empty. A life of poverty scares me but a life with no social connections scares me even more. I don't want to continue to live life desiring things that I can't have because its heart-breaking.

With each passing year it just gets worse for me. It seems like yesterday I was just 21 and now I am getting older and more worthless as time passes on. I just look at my life now and wonder where the time went. And then I get so frustrated with myself when I realize all the time ive wasted and how I threw away my youth.

I feel like I am in a long chaptered nightmare. Sometimes I question why i am even alive. What sense does it make to do slave labor and then come home to a ghetto hell hole with no friends or relationships? What sense does it make to live when the highlight of your day is watching porn, talking to yourself, eating junk-food, or drinking so you can take your mind off of your loneliness?

I just don't want to be that 30 year old guy with no friends, no relationships, no job, and still living with his parents. But I can't see how my life could turn out any different.

Now I literally go through my days scared out of my mind because I see myself going to a place that I don't want to go to. The only time I experience peace is when I am asleep. My life is a nightmare and I am not being overly dramatic either.


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## KennethJones

josh23 said:


> It's never too late. Become one of the many success stories out there.


That is easy for you to say. You are still 17 so your whole life is ahead of you.

I am 4 years from 30 and I am still facing the difficulties that I faced when i was a kid. Thats why its hard for me too believe that there could be any hope for me. I am almost 26 years old but deep down inside I am still that shy, socially awkward 16 year old kid.


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## polis85bn

*im in worst*

im in worst condition i must work all day and i cant change job http://img.socialanxietysupport.com...ietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif


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## josh23

KennethJones said:


> That is easy for you to say. You are still 17 so your whole life is ahead of you.
> 
> I am 4 years from 30 and I am still facing the difficulties that I faced when i was a kid. Thats why its hard for me too believe that there could be any hope for me. I am almost 26 years old but deep down inside I am still that shy, socially awkward 16 year old kid.


I can garuntee you there are many who were in your situation and made something of their life.


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## coldsorehighlighter

KennethJones said:


> That is easy for you to say. You are still 17 so your whole life is ahead of you.
> 
> I am 4 years from 30 and I am still facing the difficulties that I faced when i was a kid. Thats why its hard for me too believe that there could be any hope for me. I am almost 26 years old but deep down inside I am still that shy, socially awkward 16 year old kid.


He's 17 and has his whole life ahead of him...you're 26, and you don't? That's 9 years difference and considering you likely have 50 years of life left, it's not much.
Picture this: someday, you could be 50 years old, on this forum, reading a post from a 26 year old who thinks his life is over...and you'll be sitting there thinking, "If only I was just 26 years old again".


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## Social Knight

KennethJones said:


> I could have written that post myself. I will be 26 years old this August and I have absolutely nothing to show for it-no friends, relationships, or any social connection and no hope of having a career anytime soon so my financial situation sucks.
> 
> I feel like it is too late for me too. I am still going through the difficulties that i faced when I was six years old. People shun and reject me in all aspects of life and I am not appreciated at all. I feel like I am slowly becoming a worthless piece of space.
> 
> I fear my future because it seems so empty. A life of poverty scares me but a life with no social connections scares me even more. I don't want to continue to live life desiring things that I can't have because its heart-breaking.
> 
> With each passing year it just gets worse for me. It seems like yesterday I was just 21 and now I am getting older and more worthless as time passes on. I just look at my life now and wonder where the time went. And then I get so frustrated with myself when I realize all the time ive wasted and how I threw away my youth.
> 
> I feel like I am in a long chaptered nightmare. Sometimes I question why i am even alive. What sense does it make to do slave labor and then come home to a ghetto hell hole with no friends or relationships? What sense does it make to live when the highlight of your day is watching porn, talking to yourself, eating junk-food, or drinking so you can take your mind off of your loneliness?
> 
> I just don't want to be that 30 year old guy with no friends, no relationships, no job, and still living with his parents. But I can't see how my life could turn out any different.
> 
> Now I literally go through my days scared out of my mind because I see myself going to a place that I don't want to go to. The only time I experience peace is when I am asleep. My life is a nightmare and I am not being overly dramatic either.


When you are 30 year old, no friends ? no relationship ? no job ? still living with parents ?

Your life a nightmare ?

I guess you know yourself best.

You have social anxiety, and shy, BUT you still have it and don't know how to GROW out of it.

You want to have friends. But constantly in negative mood so can't make friends.

You want relationship but constantly thinking you are not enough.

You want a career, but you don't goto night school or take 2 jobs to save money to train for a new career.

You want to move out of your parents house, but you stayed because it's cheaper/easier than living with flatmate.

What exactly have you done that is helping you to reach your goals ?


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## Shush

Dear dutchguy-
When you reach the geriatric old age of 38 such as meself you will suddenly wake up one day and LAUGH about how worried you were at 25. Seriously. that is one of the best things about your 30's and beyond. If I could go back to my 25-year old self I would tell her, "geez young lady... just chill, everything will turn out ok". Life is no means perfect and there will be a lot of ups and downs in between. But I realized that all the things I worried about in my 20's are now irrelevant. We all muddle through somehow. And end up just fine. If you choose to have a good outlook on life and stay young at heart then you'll never feel old.

If it helps any, I have a stepdad who is 71.... going on 17. The guy went on an ocean fishing expedition in Brazil 3 weeks after knee-replacement surgery, for christ sakes. It is NEVER too late to be young.


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## dutchguy

This thread is almost half a year old and I'm everyday worried about my age. I feel like I lost control over my life. I don't know what I have to do, I don't know what my passions are and somehow I am even afraid of trying new things because I don't want to be stuck in anything and becoming to old to change things around. But the what I am now doing isn't any better. I'm wasting so many times. 

I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel like I don't want to do anything anymore.


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