# University loneliness



## GabiDee (Dec 11, 2013)

Hi SAS,

I'm new to the website so if I'm posting in the wrong place or something, forgive me.

I started University in September, leaving my hometown and going to live in halls. I saw this as an opportunity to make new friends with a clean slate. I've had the same group of friends since I was six, and the same best friend since I was four, so I've never had to make friends as an adult. I live in a building with 90 people so I felt a bit lost in the crowd. I'm so socially awkward that I couldn't just approach people, even after telling myself that we're all in the same boat I felt like they all knew each other and I was an outsider. After a few horribly awkward conversations in the hallway I decided it doesn't matter, it just gives me more time to focus on my work. Now I have no friends and am not even getting great marks. I live in catered halls so I have to go across to the dining halls for food, which is so horrible because I have nobody to go with that sometimes I'll skip meals just to avoid leaving my room. I'm in the process of moving to self-catered so I won't have to leave at all. Even though it'll make me even more of a recluse it means I won't have to face the awkwardness of dinner time.

I feel so lost and lonely though, I don't know how to deal with it  has anybody had a similar experience and how do you deal with it?


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## Daydreamer23 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hello GabiDee,
I've passed/currently passing through all this as well . I know how it's horrible to feel lonely . I have no friends from college , always isolated and avoiding people .
In my case , I think it's too late for making friends from college but since you're a freshman , you still have a chance .
Go to dining halls , try to initiate conversations with those around you. I know it may be difficult to find a subject to talk about but try talking about any event currently taking place , the weather , exams , assignments etc.
Don't isolate yourself and remember you're not awkward and no one is avoiding you . You just didn't give those around you the chance to get to know you .
Wishing you all the best !


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## TheCanadian1 (Sep 14, 2009)

It's hard... I'm so incredibly lonely right now, and I do make efforts to socialize.

Nobody wants to hang out after class, or really study. The one girl that was, and enjoyed studying with me eventually stopped wanting to.

Thats a kick in the nuts.


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

I had a very similar experience, was in catered halls my first year. Ended up skipping meals cos sat on my own alot of the time. Didn't really make any friends during my time there also. I know the reason why, because I didnt really make the effort to sustain the friendship I made during freshers. I had the same group of friends since early childhood also so didn't really know how to make or keep friends.
I dropped out in second term and moved back home and to a local uni.

I would say moving to self catered halls may be helpful as you arent paying for missed meals as you are now, in addition to meaning a new opportunity to meet people in your new halls. Its gonna be hard but if you can, don't put too much pressure on making friends. Your studies are more important so focus on them.
Try and find opportunities that are more suitable for yourself and not so daunting such as joing a interest group where you will have something in common with the other members, which may make it easier to talk to and make chit chat. That way you have a chance to meet people on a regular basis (i.e weekly) but not too frequently where it can become too intense.


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## RelativelyMe (Dec 11, 2013)

This happened to me as well in Freshman year and I completely broke down in the first semester. I was crying and having panic attacks all the time. After that I started going to my university's counseling center. It was a long year for me... But even after that difficult year... In my sophomore year I developed a group of friends and even met one of my best friends/Bro in life. Just don't be hard on yourself if you're not able to fit in everywhere... Hardly anyone can.


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## Norton (Aug 18, 2012)

I felt this way for a long time. I am not sure what else to do. I have sort of accepted the fact that i will be lonely in school. 
The thing is no matter how much i try making friends, it seems to backfire on me and so i ask myself what is the point if at the end they leave me and not want to talk with me anymore.


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## jk432 (Dec 17, 2013)

I have made some mutual friends here at university. However, I feel it's easy to lose friendships over time. I maybe still adjusting to university life and will probably find some very good friends later on.


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

its definitely hard to find friends. i have one close friend from hs but she's a homebody like me because of SA but i feel like i need some extrovert friends to go out with.
most ppl at school are too busy and consumed with their own lives to want to be your friend. if it's not studying or casual conversation at school, they could care less to talk to you. as soon as the semester is over, everyone goes their separate ways and its like you never knew them at all.


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## Averlin (Dec 28, 2013)

I started University this year at 22 and I completely understand how you feel. I went to Art College before for a while and didn't get along with a lot of the people in my halls. So this time round I thought I would skip the awkwardness and just live with a friend instead. 
Unfortunately she is not the most outgoing person so she wouldn't come to any of the freshers stuff with me and I didn't end up meeting many people. Now I'm really embarrassed cause whenever I go to University I am walking around on my own. 
Like with your dinner experience, I don't want to sit in the Uni cafes on my own. I keep thinking that someone I kind of know might see me and realizes I have no one to hang out with. I have some friends outside University but that doesn't make me feel better when I'm walking around on my own all day. Can't believe how lonely it is! School was so much easier cause you would just be in a class of like thirty, but here the lecture halls are filled with a couple of hundred people. Even if I meet someone once and think they're nice it's really difficult to find them again at a lecture!
I'm trying to go to societies though... have you got them in your university?


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

Averlin said:


> Now I'm really embarrassed cause whenever I go to University I am walking around on my own.
> Like with your dinner experience, I don't want to sit in the Uni cafes on my own. I keep thinking that someone I kind of know might see me and realizes I have no one to hang out with.


This was always on my mind when at uni, that others would notice that i'm always on my own, even walking around campus. Whats worse is that for my final year my cousin was also at the uni so was worried she tell my family that I'm always on my own.
Its good that you are trying societies, hopefully something positive comes from joining them.


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## SGI (Nov 22, 2012)

Aaah. I had exactly the same experience last year, which ended in me being kicked out of Uni, diagnosed with depression (and anxiety) and I had to go through a really drawn out process to get back in this year, which was thankfully successful.

I didn't overly know what was happening to be honest with you, but the main thing is to seek help. Universities, although it seems like it is barely 'advertised' want to help and have branches dedicated to students going through difficulties/ having a difficult time adjusting. Even if you really don't want to (this year I've put off going to disability support so many times for my depression, 'it's getting better', 'it's me being lazy') just go and see someone, your personal tutor if you have one, or that department and just explain how lost you are and they'll help you in anyway they can, extended deadlines and such.

That's the temporary solution. The anxiety part... I'm struggling with that too and have yet to find a way to overcome it. I hope you've done this/ come back to read this at some point!


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