# I want to date a girl with SA



## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

The next time I date, I think I would be a lot more comfortable dating someone else with SA. We would comfort eachother, having both been through the same torment. I think it would be very easy to bond with someone with many of the same traits. Who knows, maybe together we could even overcome it.

Most people want the SO that has lots of friends and is adored by everyone and lights up the room right when they walk in. I understand why that is desireable, and I used to want that, but not so much anymore.

You guys know what I'm saying?


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I understand. I would much prefer to date someone like me - someone who has social anxiety.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

:yes


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

they may have social anxiety, but they still have likes and dislikes. They may not be on the same level as you.


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

rdrr said:


> they may have social anxiety, but they still have likes and dislikes. They may not be on the same level as you.


I understand that, but having SA in itself is a huge trait to consider. Many other details are smaller in comparison. Besides, I've noticed a lot of similarities among people on this site.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I guess I'm speaking from a negative experience I had, but it humbled me.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Lateralus said:


> I understand that, but having SA in itself is a huge trait to consider. Many other details are smaller in comparison...


Yes. Some people say hey you wanna be with someone who doesn't have SA so that they kinda pull you out of your SA world. But for me, SA has such a significant influence on my behaviour - and will have for a long time to come - that being with someone who doesn't understand that side of me will overtime make me feel less connected to that non SA person. (I speak in theory .. never having been in a relationship..)


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

say what u gotta. Just saying If you do try to date a girl w SA, and you may have less SA than them, their actions may confuse you. Just bc two people share a disorder doesn't make them soul mates. You shouldn't look for one certain type of person, that limits you.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

rdrr said:


> say what u gotta. Just saying If you do try to date a girl w SA, and you may have less SA than them, their actions may confuse you. Just bc two people share a disorder doesn't make them soul mates...


Oh yeah I agree. What I meant is, all other things being equal, I'd get along better with an SAer (with a level of SA compatible to mine and an attitude towards overcoming SA compatible to mine) than a non-SAer. Just because two people have SA they won't necessarily get along.


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

rdrr said:


> say what u gotta. Just saying If you do try to date a girl w SA, and you may have less SA than them, their actions may confuse you. Just bc two people share a disorder doesn't make them soul mates. You shouldn't look for one certain type of person, that limits you.


I've dated various personality types and I think it's safe to say my SA ruined each one of those relationships, and it also has kept me out of potential relationships. So the next step in my mind is to try dating someone with SA.

You've made your opinion clear and I agree, it obviously doesn't make them soulmates, and a girl with SA to the degree she can't even go in public wouldn't work for me. But I am not worried about limiting myself. This is the next logical step.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

I'm not sure if I would want to date a girl with SA specifically but I think any girl who has also been through a lot is more attractive. I feel I could relate to her more and we would understand each other. So I know where your coming from.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I would not want to date someone with SA, however, I do realise what you mean and it would be more comfortable. In my opinion, it is way better to date a person in the middle of the 'Introvert-Extrovert' spectrum or leaning towards the extroverted side because it may rub off onto you. Hence, 'Exposure Therapy'. 

Think of how messed up it would be for a kid whose parents both have SA - what a death trap.. And you know, parents behaivours rub off onto kids as they grow so you might be dooming your future child to the same problems as you both have let alone all the parent-child functions that you might not go to because you're too scared and so the child won't go or has to tag along with his friends family... What a sad state of affairs that would be.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Lateralus said:


> I've dated various personality types and I think it's safe to say my SA ruined each one of those relationships, and it also has kept me out of potential relationships. So the next step in my mind is to try dating someone with SA.
> 
> You've made your opinion clear and I agree, it obviously doesn't make them soulmates, and a girl with SA to the degree she can't even go in public wouldn't work for me. But I am not worried about limiting myself. This is the next logical step.


Sorry, I didn't mean you personally, I was speaking generally in regards to limiting yourself. It's great you are trying to get out there and date still. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will find someone. I guess the next logical step would be looking on this site? I don't know how you can pinpoint people who have SA, as the picture thread proves.


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## Graye (Jan 21, 2009)

I wouldn't. I've tried, bad bad idea. I got her to come out of her shell a bit, but when it got tough, she went back in. And worst of all, I was reminded of my own SA all the time. 

Now, I have coworker who probably has SA. I've come a long long way in the past year, and she reminds me of most of the issues I left behind already. I also finally get why people made comments about me "avoiding conversation", being "shy" and how I "think I'm better than everyone else".


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

rdrr said:


> Sorry, I didn't mean you personally, I was speaking generally in regards to limiting yourself. It's great you are trying to get out there and date still. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will find someone. I guess the next logical step would be looking on this site? I don't know how you can pinpoint people who have SA, as the picture thread proves.


Yes that is a problem, how to find girls with SA. You're right about the picture thread. Although I have pictures of myself that make it appear I don't have SA either. What the pictures don't show is how many pills or drinks I had before I settled in.


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

I should mention one of my best friends has been with a girl for 3 years now who has/had SA. She is very shy around new people and usually will go to another room to be alone. But their relationship is great and I'm just so happy for her that she has him and she's making progress. He does not have SA but he is not an extrovert by any means either.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

Graye said:


> I wouldn't. I've tried, bad bad idea. I got her to come out of her shell a bit, but when it got tough, she went back in. And worst of all, I was reminded of my own SA all the time.


Precisely the problem. :yes

It's just like dating a heavy drinker if you're a recovering alcoholic.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I said this in the other thread. I get the general idea of wanting to date someone with SA, but I don't think that would work out at all, and if it did it'd certainly be the exception, not the rule.

Also, let's get something clear because I think a lot of people are getting these things confused: introverted, shy, quiet, and SA are NOT the same thing. I think dating an INTROVERTED girl would be nice, but a girl with SA sounds like a disaster.


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

You're in Ohio? ...damn. :b


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I'd like to try dating someone with SA never had that experience before. I've dated some "normal" girls and the result is I'm single right now. So for me its something I'd like to try.Maybe not even SA maybe just someone introverted or someone with anxiety.So they would understand that part of me better.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

I don't need someone with SA, I just need an introvert I connect with big time.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I agree with Phibes. I'd like to date a girl who is kind of shy but not too shy to where she wouldn't be able to open up around me.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

If only there were someone for everyone.


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## BrokenDreams (Nov 22, 2008)

I think it's very difficult for an SA male and an SA female to get together. It frequently takes someone outgoing to break through the wall that people with SA have erected. With 2 SA people, there are 2 walls and no one with the strength to break through even one.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I would love to date a guy with SA. "Normal" people are too intimidating and less understanding.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

I'd date one, doesn't bother me at all, although I don't think I'll meet anyone from this site in particular, it's more of a therapy site and the girls here are more interested in discussing their problems then dating some random guy like me on the internet


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I would think I would feel more comfortable being myself. And if we wanted to do some experiments and push each other to take risks, it wouldn't seem so strange for a partner with SA compared to a normal person.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

I just want someone who understands me.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

GnR said:


> I just want someone who understands me.


ditto to that.


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## VivaLaVida (Apr 22, 2009)

I have met a girl who seems to have SA like me. The thing about it is because neither one of us have had much social experience with people, we kind of sort of don't know what to do - as in places to go and things to see.

PS - We met because she said she got tired of seeing me sitting by myself every Sunday at church.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Just because two people have SA may not necessarily mean they will get along... then again maybe I'm just speaking from personal experience as rdrr...



GnR said:


> I just want someone who understands me.


+2


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

sublimit said:


> You're in Ohio? ...damn. :b


Wish I wasn't


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## Lateralus (Oct 28, 2007)

GnR said:


> I just want someone who understands me.


Simply put, yes.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

^^road trip to canada


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

^ i'm down for that. lol.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

^^^ me and you both


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

mind_games said:


> :yes


So uh...what are you doing tonight? 

Edit: Seriously speaking, I'm glad that I'm with an introverted person like my boyfriend. I think he somewhat understands more.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

rdrr said:


> ^^road trip to canada


Yay come visit us!

I don't really care if the person I am with has SA or not. I guess they could even be extroverted, as long as they understood I don't like to go out and party and were supportive of my introverted personality.


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## when will we be new skin (Aug 18, 2009)

Hi, I'm available. Depending on where you are in Ohio, we're not that far apart. =P


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## mrbojangles (Oct 8, 2009)

i would love to date a girl with social anxiety, just to have a person i could sit there and be quiet around, without it being awkward because we both know what its about.


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

don't we all


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Basing a relationship on the fact that you both have a psychological condition sounds like a terrible recipe for disaster. Stop letting social anxiety define who you are.


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