# The only thing I get from therapy is anger and frustration



## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I quit seeing a therapist a few months back as I didn't feel it was helping me, I've seen many therapists in my life and none of them have helped me in the slightest. I have terrible OCD -obsessional thoughts, I have this main problem of feeling the need to count things all the time, like constantly. Its really tortures me so I chose this therapist cos she seemed like she was an OCD specialist on her site but after about 12 or so sessions I told her I didn't see the point in continuing as I wasn't feeling we were making any progress.

We got into a bit of an argument because basically I was already in an angry mood when I went in and she kept bringing up this one thing that I didn't want to do as I didn't see how it would help and she was saying that I was resistant towards her ideas. Which I was because to be honest a lot of the behavioural stuff just wasn't practical in real life or the various experiements I didn''t feel changed anything.

The truth is I have a lot of anger towards a past therapist I saw many years ago, she was a complete idiot and said something that really hurt me and after that I developed a tremendous amount of anger towards her which wasn't just because of what she said but also how I was really trying to make CBT work for me but it wasn't helping despite me doing a lot of the exercises. And this therapist seemed to blame me for not getting better, CBT is the only solution for anxiety and depression and if you can't make it work for you then it's your fault was the message I got from her.

The therapy sessions soon turned into argument sessions and weren't very constructive as you can imagine, when I stopped seeing her a couple of years later I started seeing another therapist and the anger I felt towards the first one seemed to crop up again. This 2nd therapist was good she was open minded unlike the first who came across like a stern school teacher. But the therapy didn't help we just talked and I don't see how just talking about your problems is enough so I started to feel frustrated with the therapy process again and started to develop the same anger I had to her as towards the first therapist. Which was wrong she was a good therapist but anger usually is.

So I've seen a few male therapists since then but they weren't much help either, but I didn't develop any anger towards them.
The latest therapist was a female and I initially didn't want to see a woman because of the bad experience I'd had before with my transference of my anger from the 1st therapist to the 2nd. So this old anger came up again when I started seeing her, I ended up storming out of the room in anger half way through the last session. 

I don't really know what to do about my OCD, depression and anxiety I have as well, I got an email after the session from her apologizing that she hadn't meant to offend me with what she was saying, I don't blame her I don't agree with all she said but she'd right about my being resistant to her ideas but I had tried some of them and like I said failed to see the benefit. She said I could contact her if I wanted to continue therapy and I'm wondering if I should give it another shot and perhaps be more open minded and commital to her ideas and experiments.

But I'm equally concerned that my anger will crop up again, even now when I get angry I have angry thoughts towards her not towards her personally but towards her therapy. I'm worried that my anger would sabotage the therapy process perhaps partly due to this unresolved anger I still feel towards my first therapist. Another big issue is the cost the price is too expensive IMO and also me and my sister have always talked about going to the USA for a long holiday as I've never been and she keeps going on that we should go next year for my birthday. If I start saving now I'll have enough and I really love travelling words can't describe how much I love it but if I choose to go back to therapy its unlikely I'll be able to do both as therapy tends to be a long drawn out process and I won't be able to save at the same time.

So I don't know what to do my OCD is really bad and unrelenting and I'm also so depressed at the moment I wonder how much I would enjoy the holiday but if I flag this trip i could just be wasting my time and money with therapy that goes no where.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment.

Thanks for anyone who read bit of a long one.


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## Rainyfall (May 17, 2016)

I'm in the same boat as you with therapy frustrating and angering me. I've had years of it, and I usually quit. I have this problem where I can't find any therapists that seem to know what they are doing, most just want to talk. But the truth is it is the behavioral changes that would help the most probably. The good therapists challenge you, this might piss you off but you are supposed to talk to them about that anger and let them know when you are being pushed too fast. I haven't been so lucky to find a therapist that doesn't coddle, mostly therapists seem rather lazy to me, they do the easiest thing they can which doesn't get their client upset, it also doesn't get their client better.

As for the expense I hear you, I can't really afford therapy, but there are other options for it like seeing an intern, which is someone who is really low cost because they are still in the process of getting their license and need a certain amount of supervised hours. In many ways they are better, and not burned out yet. Out of all the therapists I've seen about 8, I've only seen one intern and she was better than the licensed and experienced therapists that charged a lot.

Other things you could try are self help books, it isn't a replacement for therapy and talking to someone. But then mostly therapy is about implementing what you learn yourself anyway, and apply it on your own in your life when the therapist isn't there.

Trips can be therapeutic and honestly might actually be more effective in a lot of ways than therapy. CBT isn't the only therapy out there, and if traditional therapy isn't working for you there are a lot of different types to try.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Rainyfall said:


> I'm in the same boat as you with therapy frustrating and angering me. I've had years of it, and I usually quit. I have this problem where I can't find any therapists that seem to know what they are doing, most just want to talk. But the truth is it is the behavioral changes that would help the most probably. The good therapists challenge you, this might piss you off but you are supposed to talk to them about that anger and let them know when you are being pushed too fast. I haven't been so lucky to find a therapist that doesn't coddle, mostly therapists seem rather lazy to me, they do the easiest thing they can which doesn't get their client upset, it also doesn't get their client better.
> 
> As for the expense I hear you, I can't really afford therapy, but there are other options for it like seeing an intern, which is someone who is really low cost because they are still in the process of getting their license and need a certain amount of supervised hours. In many ways they are better, and not burned out yet. Out of all the therapists I've seen about 8, I've only seen one intern and she was better than the licensed and experienced therapists that charged a lot.
> 
> ...


Cheers for your reply, I don't mind if the therapist challenges me but it's more what I felt she offered me as experiments I didn't want to do as I didn't see how it would help in one example and another which I did but I didn't feel it helped in any way. I just find the whole therapy process makes me so angry and frustrated and its _sooo_ expensive, hard to justify the cost when you are getting nothing good out of it at all.

The trouble with self help books is they are written for the masses as I said my main problem is OCD and i've read a couple of books on it and they just weren't applicable to my unique type of problem. Its also very hard to fix yourself by yourself, feel an outside professional opinion would help.

But yet to find one that has.


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## elmandelafoto (Jan 28, 2012)

bottleofblues said:


> Cheers for your reply, I don't mind if the therapist challenges me but it's more what I felt she offered me as experiments I didn't want to do as I didn't see how it would help in one example and another which I did but I didn't feel it helped in any way. I just find the whole therapy process makes me so angry and frustrated and its _sooo_ expensive, hard to justify the cost when you are getting nothing good out of it at all.
> 
> The trouble with self help books is they are written for the masses as I said my main problem is OCD and i've read a couple of books on it and they just weren't applicable to my unique type of problem. Its also very hard to fix yourself by yourself, feel an outside professional opinion would help.
> 
> But yet to find one that has.


this is funny. I was searching online for therapists, since my OCD was out of control and i was having to do very self-destructing rituals before I interact with people (thats where the social anxiety kicks in I have both) and I was desperately searching online for help for my SA, but funnily enough there was many more resources for OCD, so I emailed this therapist whom is a Social Worker and she responded inmediately, offering my advice and insight about the ritual im doing, telling me don't do it, and try to deal with the uncertainty discomfort and fear. and long story short i did that today, i didn't do my rituals which i had a week doing today and dealt with the uncertainty, i feel good because i was really worried about how bad i was destroying myself. but i haven't fully been like 100% confident and all that, but hey atleast im not doing the rituals for control .

That being said she is in Toronto and I'm from Panama, i was gonna move somewhere just for treatment because here we are like in the 16th century in terms of treatment, its just regular TALK therapy and i went to prolly the best psychologist in town in terms of all the rich people go to her and stuff, and by name etc. Shrinks basically do not do CBT or any of that so i just was medicated by em. But this lady I emailed in toronto she is a social worker, she said she could do therapy via skype. its 175$ dollars she is an expert in OCD which is interwined with Social Anxiety in me. I've tried CBT before doing Doctor Thomas RIchards Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step but it was tedious and after an alcoholic relapse (im also an alchy) i quit doing the program. ( i'm sober now, but i haven't started that program because i would have to start over and its REALLY boring, and slow and hard work) so , i'm looking foward to workign with a therapist which is a social worker, also an expert on OCD, i just gotta find the right one and hope it works, i will definetly give it my all for however as long as it takes.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

elmandelafoto said:


> this is funny. I was searching online for therapists, since my OCD was out of control and i was having to do very self-destructing rituals before I interact with people (thats where the social anxiety kicks in I have both) and I was desperately searching online for help for my SA, but funnily enough there was many more resources for OCD, so I emailed this therapist whom is a Social Worker and she responded inmediately, offering my advice and insight about the ritual im doing, telling me don't do it, and try to deal with the uncertainty discomfort and fear. and long story short i did that today, i didn't do my rituals which i had a week doing today and dealt with the uncertainty, i feel good because i was really worried about how bad i was destroying myself. but i haven't fully been like 100% confident and all that, but hey atleast im not doing the rituals for control .
> 
> That being said she is in Toronto and I'm from Panama, i was gonna move somewhere just for treatment because here we are like in the 16th century in terms of treatment, its just regular TALK therapy and i went to prolly the best psychologist in town in terms of all the rich people go to her and stuff, and by name etc. Shrinks basically do not do CBT or any of that so i just was medicated by em. But this lady I emailed in toronto she is a social worker, she said she could do therapy via skype. its 175$ dollars she is an expert in OCD which is interwined with Social Anxiety in me. I've tried CBT before doing Doctor Thomas RIchards Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step but it was tedious and after an alcoholic relapse (im also an alchy) i quit doing the program. ( i'm sober now, but i haven't started that program because i would have to start over and its REALLY boring, and slow and hard work) so , i'm looking foward to workign with a therapist which is a social worker, also an expert on OCD, i just gotta find the right one and hope it works, i will definetly give it my all for however as long as it takes.


I tried the Dr Richards one many years ago cost a fortune, and i also found it incredibly tedious. He keeps repeating the same thing like a thousand times it's like yeah i got it the first time, i found his voice was so monotonous that I'd just fall asleep listening to the audio tapes! 
I've also got a problem with alcohol, i'm feeling pretty low and depressed after my drinking session last night the booze just makes everything worse. Hope your skype therapist works out for you.


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## dhudson (Jun 5, 2017)

The only therapy that helped me was a CBT therapist in an anxiety clinic. Was pricey but if you can find an anxiety specialist you might have a better experience. He was very familiar with all my anxious thought patterns and how to navigate them. The therapists before him were of little to no help.


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## elmandelafoto (Jan 28, 2012)

bottleofblues said:


> I tried the Dr Richards one many years ago cost a fortune, and i also found it incredibly tedious. He keeps repeating the same thing like a thousand times it's like yeah i got it the first time, i found his voice was so monotonous that I'd just fall asleep listening to the audio tapes!
> I've also got a problem with alcohol, i'm feeling pretty low and depressed after my drinking session last night the booze just makes everything worse. Hope your skype therapist works out for you.


Hey bottleofblues. Man, I was the man with NO HOPE. I don't know why, I had never thought of suicide. Its just not in my DNA i guess to have suicidal thoughts. No career, didn't finish college, weird social life, a parasite to my mum and family. A burden for the house, a burden to society. In another forum, i was questioning about recovering from alcoholism and working on anxiety disorders and doing both at the same time. I was cut a certain way that my mind works better when I don't have conflicting ideas colliding. If you know what I mean. I've never gotten anything positive from a psycologist. Just depression, after being hopeful and see it doesn't work. In another post, i had posted about being an addict to amphetamines (aderall ritalin etc) and someone mentioned this book on ADHD called driven to distraction written by two shrinks with ADHD. At first I was like what the heck, i post a question asking about CBT and OCD and SAD and you start talking to me about ADHD.

A few days later i searched for the book (beeing today) i found it on youtube in audio. Wholly molly it finally hit me. I don't have any self worth at all. Because i have never accomplished anything worthwhile. I never graduated from college. have never kept a job. and all this is because i don't care about it. I'm to obsessed with feeling good. ADHD was my first disorder I've had it throughout my school life and it manifests in apathy. I never really cared about studying. Never gave a damn about a professional life. Ofcourse having social anxiety makes it much harder to graduate and pass classes. Just group work depressess me. Im such a weirdo, no one wants to go in group with me. But you know what, the fact that I have social anxiety doesn't mean that I can't study. I don't study because i never gave a damn. Because i procrastinated. Because I cared more about being popular than being a good student.

Put in another way, I know that if I had graduated, and had a job, had some money, I wouldn't be here *****ING and moaning about my SAD as bad as I am now. Right now, I am just that SAD. But what if i had more dimensions to me, I was a man with a job, with a title, with a business, in shape, that just so happens to have SAD, but you know what I don't really have it anymore, because my self esteem is so high, that i don't take my self so seriously. That is my problem, i take my SAD too seriously. I take myself too seriously and i never gave a damn about becoming a real man. If I could start a project and see it through and finish it I would definetly increase my self esteem and my SAD would take a hit. Right now, I can't really do that, but now I know where to attack.

If this doesn't relate to you dismiss it. Maybe you have a career, a job, a title. etc. maybe you don't have adhd like me. I know the combination of those three plus alcoholism really had me paralyzed. But i got the alcoholic part under control for today, and If i solve or better at the ADHD i can really, really increase my self esteem by doing esteemable acts and then prolly wont have social anxiety.

That being said. I recommend you to stop drinking man. If you have a drinking problem, go to AA, there are meetings everywhere, i mean. You can talk about anything in there. It has helped me tremendously. I could never recover from SAD if I where still drinking and drugging, because I use those drugs and drinks to socialize. Anyway, in AA, you will find a lot of relief. You will find real people that care about you and sense of community. I can't make you go obviously. But I can tell you, you are not even living to 1/50th of your potential if you are self-medicating like that.!!! I encourage you to go on the road to recovery. You will gain a lot, you might find that many of your other diseases get lifted. You're self esteem can increase. U'll have a support group. A sense of purpose. For me, it was not enough, i needed outside help, but if i'm sober there is a chance. If i'm drinking and drugging, I have no real chance of recovering from all my other ****.


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