# I am really ugly



## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

first thread i ever made. was insecure. good thing my attitude changed. it was so cringe worthy, man!


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

Yes definitely. Never been hit on in my life because I'm ridiculously ugly. Most people look at me strange too. No girls ever have or ever will find me attractive and I've been told I'm ugly more times than I can count.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

Hi there. 

How do you get on in the workplace/college with groups of people who you are with most days and have got to know you a little?

Never mind racism and sexism and ageism ..... something that really needs addressing and eradicating is LOOKS-ism! It affects all races and ages and sexes. Ideally we should make NO comments on a person's appearance but we grow up with it. It's ridiculous ..... a person's looks have nothing to do with their WORTH. 

Sorry, that's no use to you and you know it already. I don't know what else to say other than you sound as if you have a sense of humour .... I loved the little YouTube clip .... and that is always a bonus.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

You know, I used to think this about myself, but then I had CBT and my therapist told me to actually look at the people.

I realized that everyone was checking out everyone, for a few seconds, and then looking away. So people were just curious, but they didn't think I was a freak of nature.

Have you tried therapy? Might be a good thing.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

'Btw based on the way I talk on the internet do I seem weird/stupid to you? Do I come across that way even online?'

What?!! Definitely NOT weird, definitely NOT stupid. You express yourself well and your posts are easy to read(flowing).


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

I suppose the bottom line is, each of us has to work with what we've got regarding looks and character. We can only look/be the best we can ...... everyone has their limitations.


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## ShapesinO (Jan 16, 2014)

DerSteppenwolf said:


> I can all but guarantee that you self esteem issues hurt you more than your psychical appearance when it comes to social interactions.
> 
> You choose to represent yourself in this forum with the name "AwkwardUglyWeirdo", so I can only imagine the social cues you instantly send to others in real life.
> 
> It's possible to be very unattractive and still be accepted socially, the same can't be said of someone with such an attitude towards life.


Agreed.

Hey AwkwardUglyWeirdo, I definitely can relate to much of what you've described (as far as social interactions are concerned). I know what it's like to involuntarily be the center of attention when you're just carrying on, minding your own business, wishing that others would mind their own. One thing I've learned is that people, by nature, are just curious. Being curious is a survival instinct that allows us to assess what's happening around us. So as we're doing whatever it is that we're doing in public, we're looking. Eventually, as you're carrying on in public, you capture someone (or maybe everyone's) attention who's just looking, assessing. As people stare at you, they're thinking, as we always are. Some may be thinking "Man, that guy is ugly", another may be thinking "I love that red shirt he has on", and another - perhaps a very attractive person that you would love to be with - may be thinking, "He looks very different, kinda like my ex did, Man... I miss him." My point is that you have no idea what people are thinking, you think you do, but you're only projecting your own thoughts of yourself onto others and assuming that they're thinking "Look at this guy, he's awkward, ugly, and weird." Because you think that of yourself you start seeing yourself through the eyes of others while imagining that that's what they're thinking of you. Truth is, they really can give two ****s what you look like; they're caught up in their own world filled with their own insecurities. Without fail, simply and only because you're thinking that, do you reinforce this perception of yourself in others. You may look very different than the "average" person, and for that reason, nothing more, nothing less, people stare. My guess is, it's how you react to their reaction to your physical appearance is what ensues that awkward/uncomfortable/unwanted social interaction. I know it's a vicious cycle, especially because I would imagine that you feel helpless, but next time you're somewhere feeling these feelings, start monitoring your thoughts and ask yourself "What am I thinking about myself." Try, and it may be difficult, but try to remember what you think of yourself is the ONLY thing that matters, because the way you are viewing yourself is the way others will view you. Then, think "I'm so damn attractive, look at how I walk with confidence, look at all of these people that want to be around me." Lie to yourself a bit. If you're gonna lie to yourself about yourself it may as well be positive lies.

The video below always reminds me that the core issue that needs to be addressed is self-esteem (not just for you, but many of us). The man in the video despite his physical appearance, walks around with confidence and, at least from the video, lives a social life and has a wife and kids who seem to love him.






You can definitely and completely change your life for the better, I think we all can.


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## CubeGlow (Feb 27, 2014)

Think about the people who actually have burned faces and are disfigured because of some accident. Those people have it hard. Its all in your mind. Work on your body instead . That is a boost no matter what.


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## fineline (Oct 21, 2011)

I think you are socially awkward (like homer simpson in your video), and that is your biggest enemy. If you walked and acted with more confidence, you would see a major improvement.

I know that is easier said than done, but unless you have a actual physical deformity, you simply need to overcome the demons in your head that tell you that you are ugly. Take care of yourself, change your look somehow if you have to, dress nicely, smile as often as you can, be welcoming to people. Instead, if you walk around thinking you are extremely ugly, hence making your actions awkward looking, you will get strange looks from people. Simply because you are acting awkward. 

It's normal for another person to look at someone who is acting strange or awkward and for them to wonder "I wonder what is wrong with him?". However, there are plenty of people in the world who aren't beauty queens (or kings), but because they act with more confidence, the are far less likely to get strange looks from people.

This is a confidence issue. A self fulfilling prophecy. Keep telling yourself that your are a wierdo and ugly, is not going to help you get better.


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## xlavenderx (Feb 23, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> I think a big reason why I have trouble getting on with people is my appearance, I've always had a very unpleasant and hideous looking face, even though my parents both look pretty normal. Don't know if it's genes or my mom was doing something funny when I was in the womb. People don't take me seriously because I look so ugly and weird, I feel like people instantly don't like me even before I open my mouth and say a word because of what I look like, I feel discriminated because my face does not reflect me at all, I feel like people think I'm stupid and uneducated because of my face, and people don't trust me, they always act suspicous of me like when I'm in a store or a bank, for example, I'm always the one being picked on by security. No matter how nice I am or polite I am I get treated like a piece of sh**. On a few occasions I would overhear complete strangers in public saying something like "oh my god that guy is so ugly." or "what's with his face?", every day I couldn't go out in public without getting at least a handful of stares or weird looks, all this unwanted attention makes me feel like a freak. Little kids stare at me or point their fingers at me sometimes they even act scared or start crying. When I was in school I was called ugly growing up and bullied for it, people never make eye contact with me too long because my face looks so ugly and scary.
> I think that even with normal social skills I'd never get a date simply because my visage looks like a dog's ***. To make it worse, I sometimes get nervous and figit and make weird facial expressions, so people in public react to me in very unpleasant ways.
> 
> This is sort of how people react to me when I walk on the street (I'm serious):
> ...


You honestly need to change your mindset - look at your screen name. You're completely putting yourself down - why?! Don't we get enough hits from other people? Don't you want yourself on your side? Why would you talk about yourself like that?!

I truthfully struggle with this too, but the more you tell yourself that you're ugly, the more you'll believe it. You already do.

Honestly, do you want to feel ugly? My guess is no. I seriously think, if you want to feel better about yourself, it's going to start by NOT PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN. Stop telling yourself that you're ugly! Honestly, stop. This will feel really hard, but try it for one day, and see how you feel. And then try it for another day, until you're doing it every single day.

And then, compliment yourself. This is cheesy and might feel embarrassing, but if we like compliments from others, why not from ourselves? You need to find the things you like about yourself - THERE IS SOMETHING! Be it your eyes, eyebrows, cheekbones, nostrils, whatever - find it.

What has really helped me is finding people - be it people I see at work/school or celebrities - that have similar attributes as me. And then I see how confident these people are, and they don't doubt for a second that they're good looking, and it makes me realize that I can feel good with that same characteristic too.

It is so easy to put yourself down, and spiral further and further.

You have more value than your looks. Unfortunately looks are a part of life, but I think there's more to this than people really think. Everyone looks unique - and you can make that uniqueness comes off as ugly, or beautiful, depending on how you portray yourself. Honestly. There have been a few times I thought someone was odd looking and I wasn't attracted to them - about a minute with their personality and I can easily adore them and find them incredibly attractive, just like everyone else will. There's a hell of a lot more to "looks" than your physical features, I swear.

This is something I'm pretty passionate about, so if you need any help or tips, please PM me. You do deserve to feel good about yourself.


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## eren (Feb 15, 2014)

Other guys here have already given you a nice insight and advice regarding confidence issues, but if you still insist your physical appearance is the problem, cosmetic surgery is your answer.

I'm considering getting surgeries myself, and had consulted with a few Korean plastic surgeons. The funny thing was, we completely disagree on what should be corrected (I hate my bulbous nose tip and wide, round jawline--they insisted I should leave them that way and got a higher nose bridge instead). I tried to be objective on myself, but apparently I hate those facial features for emotional reasons--they remind me of my dead father, whom I despise so much.

Plastic surgery is a dramatic and expensive option--make it your very last resort.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

btw i finally feel like strangers care for me and want to help me big thanks to all you guys who replied so far, your words are very kind, more replies are certainly welcome...wish i can teleport somehow and give you all hugs, you guys deserve them


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

but do i seem like i have potential to be a socially normal person based on everything you've read from me, what do you think? how do i seem online based on what i've written? [not just how do i seem socially, in general, how do i come across?]


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

i do in fact love myself...and there other people who do too
anyone who hates me can get out...just gtfo of my life forever and don't come back


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## gnt92 (Feb 15, 2012)

As soon as you care what others think too much, which I'm sure we all here do, you stop living life and let others dictate your happiness.

Who cares if you're "ugly", which I doubt you are. Ever heard of anorexia? Well, believe it or not, this kind of thing happens more often than you think, and not always about thinking you're fat when you're not, but thinking you're ugly or can't do something. 

It's the way the subconscious mind works. You think you're ugly and so you see evidence, or literally make evidence in your mind on a subconscious level that others think you are ugly. Anorexic people don't think they're chubby or something... they literally believe and SEE that they are FAT. But if you've seen an anorexic person, you know that's not true.

Even if that's not the case, what's wrong with being ugly? Just because you're "ugly" you don't deserve to live a happy life and not care what others think?

Life is a game. Make sure you're having fun. Doesn't matter what others think. Just have fun doing what you enjoy and making the best experience you can. Stop thinking you're ugly and other people who look better are "normal" or "better". It's not true. Don't let others thoughts of you stop from living your life.

Who wants those people in their life anyway?


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## Pennywise (Aug 18, 2011)

*To the OP*

First of all, how would you rate your looks on a scale of 1-10? And don't tell me you're a 1/10. This is a 1/10:










I'm guessing you're not that ugly.


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

I completely know what its like to have people judge you based on your face. I laughed when you mentioned that people think you're a thug or criminal because its happens to me a lot. I remember some kid came up to me and said "Whats up goon? My hearing is razor sharp and I remember all the comments like "look at his face" or "that guy is so weird". So many I've lost count. I'm going to work in an hour and I just know someone is going to say something about my face. It's okay though, all you can do is embrace it.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

Pennywise said:


> First of all, how would you rate your looks on a scale of 1-10? And don't tell me you're a 1/10. This is a 1/10:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


nah, i was being really hard on myself when i made that post. i'm more of a 3/10 to 4/10...i think if i improve my lifestyle i have a potential to be 5 out of ten. i guess it's not that i'm not attractive, but i'm "strange" looking, not your typical human being, but i'm certainly not repulsive or hard on the eyes. just a little less attractive than the average person.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

azstl25 said:


> I completely know what its like to have people judge you based on your face. I laughed when you mentioned that people think you're a thug or criminal because its happens to me a lot. I remember some kid came up to me and said "Whats up goon? My hearing is razor sharp and I remember all the comments like "look at his face" or "that guy is so weird". So many I've lost count. I'm going to work in an hour and I just know someone is going to say something about my face. It's okay though, all you can do is embrace it.


yeah it sucks that people judge others based on appearance...in an ideal world nobody would judge others on that basis, or people did in fact judge others based on appearance but the appearance perfectly reflected people's inner self, which in reality it doesn't always (not for me anyways)

but after a long time passes after those incidents (like the kid who said "what's up good") you can't help but laugh at yourself 

well, at least i can't


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

From reading your posts, I get the impression that you're not ugly but you have a very unusual look. This could end up being a strength only if you own it.....Different, unusual, exotic. If you're comfortable with yourself and your appearance, you will attract women. You're not the cookie cut type of guy. Girls gravitate towards the unique. I've seen a lot of guys that fit your physical description and they do well with women.

Online, you come across as intelligent and likable. With some added confidence you can do the same offline. Believe in yourself.


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## kjwkjw (Dec 14, 2013)

me too, you are not alone ;/


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## hermito (Jan 29, 2014)

Can I join the club? I'm way below average. I'd rate myself a 2/10 on a good day.


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## kjwkjw (Dec 14, 2013)

show a picture of you


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## Decrypt (Jan 29, 2012)

Hit the gym, eat healthy, dress in better clothes, get a new hairstyle, etc.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

These types of posts really are impossible to address without pictures. 

the way NothingElse describes himself you'd think he was the Elephant Man but of course he's not even close.


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## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

I think that I am ugly because I have lost practically all of my teeth due to severe depression. When I get my teeth fixed, I will feel better about myself.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

hmm...i don't have a good feeling about posting pictures of myself on the forum...and as i said i'm not that ugly, certainly not even close to the elephant man!
if i'm going to post pictures of myself, then only with sunglasses, and they'll be up only temporarily to be deleted.


Btw has the nothing else guy ever posted pictures of himself on to this forum? He describes himself as a really ugly guy who has features that make him look like a terrorist and he says he's only 4'8 (luckily, at least I don't have height issues), so I'd be pretty curious to see what he looks like. If someone has the thread where he posted those pics that'd be great. 

Ok, I'll ask you, do you want me to post pics so you can give feedback? I must warn you in advance, I'll keep the eyes blocked out with a black rectangle, not necessarily with glasses, but the rest of the face will be shown.


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## Pennywise (Aug 18, 2011)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> nah, i was being really hard on myself when i made that post. i'm more of a 3/10 to 4/10...i think if i improve my lifestyle i have a potential to be 5 out of ten. i guess it's not that i'm not attractive, but i'm "strange" looking, not your typical human being, but i'm certainly not repulsive or hard on the eyes. just a little less attractive than the average person.


Okay, a 3 or a 4 out of 10 _would_ be a bit below average. So that means that you have to rely on a good personality to be more attractive. Among the more important traits of an attractive personality would be confidence, which you don't exactly seem to exhibit in your original post. So you should take the things about your appearance that you don't like and try to improve them to the best of your ability. Maybe you need a haircut, or you're a bit overweight or something. I don't know. But I'm sure that if you work towards self-improvement, your confidence would make you even more attractive.


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## Jenikyula (Nov 7, 2007)

Hey OP, you come across as a pretty awesome person. You seem sort of optimistic, and I love that you have no room for haters in your life. You love yourself, which is a guarantee that other people will love you too. I think a lot of people expect people who have below average beauty to have very low self esteem and to hate themselves, and it is fascinating to meet such people that are actually confident. That kind of positive attitude inspires awe because it shows strength of character. So yeah, you come across as an interesting, cool person I would like to meet.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Ok, I'll ask you, do you want me to post pics so you can give feedback?


If you want members to see what you look like, do it via PM or this thread will be closed.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

shyvr6 said:


> If you want members to see what you look like, do it via PM or this thread will be closed.


Ok no pictures then, just as I wanted


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Btw has the nothing else guy ever posted pictures of himself on to this forum? He describes himself as a really ugly guy who has features that make him look like a terrorist and he says he's only 4'8 (luckily, at least I don't have height issues), so I'd be pretty curious to see what he looks like. If someone has the thread where he posted those pics that'd be great.


Many of us have seen his pics, he's not ugly at all. Not even close. Bears a resemblance to Matthew Mcconaughey

And he's like 5'5. Where'd you hear 4'8?


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## ruinMYlife (Nov 23, 2008)

I think someone posted this image here before, I liked it.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

ruinMYlife said:


> I think someone posted this image here before, I liked it.


Cool pic. :yes


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## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

sorry if I didn't read everything OP but what exactly makes you "so ugly"? and with that said what can you really accomplish from obsessing over it right now? 

Hey, I'm an ugly/average looking guy and even though I'm not saying "hooray!" looks have just always come kinda second to me in terms of "obsessions". I might rant once in a while about height but overall I think is more productive to obsess over things you can control like your clothing choice, your posture, your confidence and, becoming a competent human being. 

Look, even if you are as ugly as you say, people ARE going to stare. You might as well learn to live with it


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

ruinMYlife said:


> I think someone posted this image here before, I liked it.


You never really know what someone's intentions are until you talk to them...
...Even then you don't really know. People's talks don't always match their walks.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

euphoria04 said:


> Many of us have seen his pics, he's not ugly at all. Not even close. Bears a resemblance to Matthew Mcconaughey
> 
> And he's like 5'5. Where'd you hear 4'8?


Totally, the same story with me. I'm not saying I lied in my original post, but I was totally beating myself with a stick, I was just pretty discontent with my appearance and exaggerated things. I'm slightly unattractive but still a normal looking guy.

My top priority is to be a normal acting guy too. If you saw how awkward I've been acting in February (even in the past 6 months) in real life (ie, on the street, in the mall, on the subway) you'd probably label me a weirdo, at the very least, if you're nice and nonjudgmental you'd think "what's wrong with him? why is he doing that?" and it would have little to nothing to do with how I look.

And I know that no matter how I look, no matter how I act, I will be stared (or looked at) at and that's ok, because so will you, and everyone else. Unless you have some invisibility cloak, everyone, and I mean everyone will get at least a glance from a stranger from time to time. I stare at people too, but mostly it's only if they can't see me staring at them. The "excessive/unwanted" staring I described has very little to do with my appearance.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

extremly said:


> sorry if I didn't read everything OP but what exactly makes you "so ugly"? and with that said what can you really accomplish from obsessing over it right now?
> 
> Hey, I'm an ugly/average looking guy and even though I'm not saying "hooray!" looks have just always come kinda second to me in terms of "obsessions". I might rant once in a while about height but overall I think is more productive to obsess over things you can control like your clothing choice, your posture, your confidence and, becoming a competent human being.
> 
> Look, even if you are as ugly as you say, people ARE going to stare. You might as well learn to live with it


It's not an obsession. It _was _on obsession in the past (2013) but I'm well past that. Even when I made this thread in Feb I was past the obsession, but I do sometimes still worry about it. At the particular moment I made the thread I was feeling pretty insecure and I wanted to get my feelings out. Sometimes I don't feel so well, it happens, I've accepted that no matter how many times I say "ok, I'll stay positive, everything's great, what's the worst that can happen?" something bad eventually happens, and there will be ups and downs in my moods, but in general I'm not in any state of depression, I'm generally happy and well-adjusted in society, while I'm a little weird and socially awkward I'm getting much better and I'm certainly not someone you'd compare to some crazy guy in the bushes or one of those weirdos on the subway who talk to themselves.

You asked what exactly makes you 'ugly'? Well I could tell you what makes me 'below average looking' but I'm just not sure if I'm ugly or not, If I am I'm the 'normal ugly' type not the 'caricature/disfigured' type.

Bottom line, or tl;dr not an obsession, just wanted to get feelings out and get feedback, got what I wanted, not even 'that' ugly


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## breathingspace (Apr 13, 2013)

I'm quite beautiful myself (people tell me and women stare at me). But if it's any consolation: I'd rather die than living this life, if only there weren't people who'd be heartbroken.

So it's no guarantee for a happy life. And I do feel for you, I'd never ever treat you unfriendly because you're 'ugly'. I do think you're beautiful for who you are and I know it's a cliche... but women or guys are hideous IMHO whenever they are anything less than empathetic. And you, my friend, are obviously very much empathetic. Which makes you beautiful and more human than most others.

Coming from a - so called- beautiful guy who hates himself =D


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## breathingspace (Apr 13, 2013)

By the way: how do you know you're ugly? People sometimes call others ugly because they're insecure. And for all I know, people could stare at you because you're drop dead gorgeous. Otherworldly. Anyhow, it shouldn't matter.


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## Srylance (Apr 20, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> You never really know what someone's intentions are until you talk to them...
> ...Even then you don't really know. People's talks don't always match their walks.


Actually i think that is a really nice saying! Had me thinking a little.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

ruinMYlife said:


> I think someone posted this image here before, I liked it.


thats bollocks

you can usually tell what people are just by looking at them most of the time


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> I think a big reason why I have trouble getting on with people is my appearance, I've always had a very unpleasant and hideous looking face, even though my parents both look pretty normal. Don't know if it's genes or my mom was doing something funny when I was in the womb. People don't take me seriously because I look so ugly and weird, I feel like people instantly don't like me even before I open my mouth and say a word because of what I look like, I feel discriminated because my face does not reflect me at all, I feel like people think I'm stupid and uneducated because of my face, and people don't trust me, they always act suspicous of me like when I'm in a store or a bank, for example, I'm always the one being picked on by security. No matter how nice I am or polite I am I get treated like a piece of sh**. On a few occasions I would overhear complete strangers in public saying something like "oh my god that guy is so ugly." or "what's with his face?", every day I couldn't go out in public without getting at least a handful of stares or weird looks, all this unwanted attention makes me feel like a freak. Little kids stare at me or point their fingers at me sometimes they even act scared or start crying. When I was in school I was called ugly growing up and bullied for it, people never make eye contact with me too long because my face looks so ugly and scary.
> I think that even with normal social skills I'd never get a date simply because my visage looks like a dog's ***. To make it worse, I sometimes get nervous and figit and make weird facial expressions, so people in public react to me in very unpleasant ways.
> 
> This is sort of how people react to me when I walk on the street (I'm serious):
> ...


You need to work on overcoming a faulty mindset. It's not appearance. If that's all people look for, it's on them. You have better people to hang out with!


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

breathingspace said:


> By the way: how do you know you're ugly? People sometimes call others ugly because they're insecure. And for all I know, people could stare at you because you're drop dead gorgeous. Otherworldly. Anyhow, it shouldn't matter.


Says the person who doesn't have to deal with being called ugly...quelle surprise. :no People call others ugly because they're mean, not necessarily because they're insecure. If you're constantly called ugly by hundreds of people like I experienced, it's pretty obvious that you're actually ugly.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

don't feel like that, and plus people find "hot" as trashy so it isn't always good to be called hot specially in this generation ._.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

ruinMYlife said:


> I think someone posted this image here before, I liked it.


love this pic


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## breathingspace (Apr 13, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Says the person who doesn't have to deal with being called ugly...quelle surprise. :no People call others ugly because they're mean, not necessarily because they're insecure. If you're constantly called ugly by hundreds of people like I experienced, it's pretty obvious that you're actually ugly.


I hate people. I'd never say such a thing unless the person has done something terrible to me...

But honestly- I know people won't do this- I'd like to see some pictures of all of your faces. I bet I won't see the 'so ugly' people others say you are. Then again, eyes are my number one point of attraction in a person. It says how good of a human they are and how smart.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

I want my facial hair to hurry up and grow so my face doesn't look so babyish. I have a "cute" face and I want a "hot" face. 

Also, I'd like a hotter body, although that's lower priority at this point. Also, I hate my curly hair.


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## the overcoming of (Jan 20, 2014)

Rule #1
Beauty is subjective.

Rule #2
What's important is what we each think of ourselves, we are the ones that have to live our lives.

Rule #3
Because our looks are who we are, I try to think of it like this "This is the hand I was dealt. If it's not good enough for this person or that, then the penalty is that this person or that just totally missed the chance to make an honest, kind and loyal friend. Who knows how much this person would have smiled just to see me walking up if he/she valued all of the best things about me instead of judging whether or not I look good enough to be nice to."

We have got to love US,
My mother always told me that you can count your true friends on one hand.

What is a true friend, I thought?

Even if I was this person's cup of tea, would I really still want to walk around with him/her while he/she put others done for fun. How long would it take before I finally had to say "Look, I'm sorry, but this just really isn't my thing."

I am not an ugly girl although I AM NO MOVIE STAR.
Even if I was a movie star, in 50 years when I'm in my mid seventies, I would still by an elderly person just like all the other elderly people my age.
Our looks are a passing fad, and when they change-- like they always will, you are going to want real friends, that do not care, who will still adore you endlessly because you have been a grand friend the entire time.

How do you find a friends like that? I am sure some of you might be wondering.
You don't. You be yourself! The people that are not suitable for you to make this bond with will weed themselves out by making it known they do not value these things, that make life worth living. All you have to do, is give it your best and pay attention so you will notice who does value the traits you have to offer.

I tried to be nice to everyone if I did have to have social interactions and for years and years and failed miserably. It seemed no one cared. I was too different, too odd, too much of a loner.

The man that I married and my closest friend, he was the "one"
I never had any friends or lasting relationships, although I had plenty of boyfriends, they never lasted more than a few weeks to a month.

My flaws:
-Won't call you (and when texting came along) ->Never texts first
-Does not want to go in public.
-Does not want to accompany you to the grocery store, shopping of any sort, out to eat etc etc etc
-(Used to be the case) ->Did not want you to have any friends because that means I'll be alone. Married six years, free of that selfishness for four years, bless my husband's heart
-Wants you to do everything that requires leaving my home, including crossing the street to put an outgoing letter in the mailbox

Eventually, I require too much effort to maintain, and I stop hearing from people.
I have my husband and I have one friend. Together, they both overlook all these things. They are both kind, accepting, loving, generous, warm hearted,
they both love that I am the very same.

Wait for all the right ones, you never know when you'll meet. What defines you until you find them is how you carry yourself. Be what you want to see in people so that the right one can look at you and see that you are just right for them. It's worth it.

My husband does not suffer from anxiety but is highly sympathetic to my suffering and offers me whatever I say I need. Even if it really is being alone. Not many people can sympathize with something they have never felt.

My closest friend does have social anxiety! I love our story because he has it too and that always made him super quiet. I always thought he was the "cool" guy but really he was suffering from my same pain!! He loved that he relied on his actions to become good friends with me. He stayed near me so I saw him every once in a while. He loved that every time he did the smallest of things for me that I truly appreciated him and would do something back for him just because I liked to. He was surprised that I always picked up wherever we left off, no matter how long we were apart. I was surprised when he did the same for me. We have become the best of friends over a two year span, it took us a year and a half to get there. I finally shared with him that I had social anxiety and he told me about his.  We realized we were perfect for each other. Now there is no fear of initiating contact, you never know when it'll work out just right. 

With one great love, and one great friend, I can say that I am happy even though everything I go through with SAD, PTSD and agoraphonia is painful, at least I am not lonely. 

Please remember, that a light that is never shown is not seen.
We must not let the world put us out,
I didn't know that then, I know that now. 
Even for regular people and "pretty" people, they are waiting to be seen by someone appropriate for them.
For people like us, we are set up to struggle even more in this area than normal. It's even common for my fellow sufferers and I to think over and over again "It's never going to happen for me" "I'm that one person that just isn't going to have those things"...
WE MUST HAVE HOPE!
Be yourself and believe me, that you are waiting for the right ones just like everyone else.
Be strong, even if you do have to wait longer than normally.
When it happens, it changes life for the better. You've got to be a fighter to make it through.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that I would be a friend to you, I can always be privately messaged up here or swap emails 

And no one is ugly because beauty is subjective. Unless the whole entire world takes a poll and says that you are ugly, you are not ugly. I'm here to tell you that this will never happen, not in my lifetime because I don't think anybody is ugly on the outside. I believe beauty comes from within. If all I have is a picture of a face, then I'm voting beautiful. I feel this way for all people, living and breathing, like me. We all have hearts and feelings. No one is ugly except in action. I have two people in my life that would vote the same before calling a person ugly. I promise you that they are out there. 

Be deep like oceans, when the world is shallow.
A book that is simple and short is the one put back down first. 

I feel brave today so let me just say,
As much as I would love to, I probably wouldn't have been able to say any of this in person. I hope it helps you or someone in some way.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

nothing else said:


> Yes definitely. Never been hit on in my life because I'm ridiculously ugly. Most people look at me strange too. No girls ever have or ever will find me attractive and I've been told I'm ugly more times than I can count.


Even if true, there are lots of other ways to get cute girls, but yes it means u have to change your negative thinking patterns a lot. And learn skills with girls.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)




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## Glycolysis (May 18, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear that OP. I was born with Goldenhar Syndrome and ever since I was little I was teased about being ugly.


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## JDW (Aug 22, 2010)

don't know if you'll read this with so many replies but hear what i've got to say if you can.

confidence. that's it and that's all.

i spent like 8 years obessing over my appearance and i felt that i had evidence that people thought i looked weird and stuff. but it's because the average person isn't self-conscious, but when you've got BDD which to me it sounds like you have. i know i have it. it leaves you basicily being in your head 9 times out of 10 in social situations. it causes people to look because to them you might act different because your self-conscious and scared. not because your ugly or anything.

it really comes down to confidence, plenty of ugly people get on well in life, theres plenty of celebrities that come under this catogory and successful people. they just had a more rational view on apperance, they were able to build confidence early on, based on communication and focus away from themselves.


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## UglyAsCanBe (Jun 17, 2014)

Same here im pretty sure im going to die alone not even puberty was able to make me look less ugly oh well thats life..


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## Woodoow (Mar 20, 2013)

Want a solution ?
Don't look at the mirror for a few days straight, so you can be the "real you". Works everytime, at least 65% of the time. Even if you are ugly, you have to love yourself, because no one will do it for you. I get that it might not be easy, but really try it. Good luck man, PM me if it did anything for you.


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## flightlessvacuum (Nov 4, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Does anyone else feel like they've been dealt really bad cards in life because of what they look like (ugly/weird)?


Yes!

Dude, what you wrote is exactly what I could have written.

I don't know how, but somehow I made it to 40 years of age with a hideously ugly face. I also don't fully understand the reasons seeing as both my parents, and my brother are normal looking.

I also have a spinal deformity that causes me constant chronic pain, and now I'm starting to think that maybe I had some kind of abnormal growth in my face and there might be a link to the abnormal bone growth in my spine.

I've lived pretty much like a hermit for the past 20 years and yet I've still lost count of the number of times I've been called ugly in public. I've had to put up with teasing and sarcastic comments even from members of my own family.

I wish I was dead all the time and have made a few half-hearted attempts at suicide but I am so scared of dying. On the balance of things I really wish I was aborted because while I am alive, I am not really living.

I have no friends and my family has all but disowned me, and I've ended up with severe mental illness (anxiety, severe depression, social phobia/avoidant personality disorder and uncontrollable rages/outbursts).

I'm a deformed freak. I'm in pain, I'm lonely and miserable all the time.

If I was smart, I would have ended my life 20 years ago.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> I think a big reason why I have trouble getting on with people is my appearance, I've always had a very unpleasant and hideous looking face, even though my parents both look pretty normal. Don't know if it's genes or my mom was doing something funny when I was in the womb. People don't take me seriously because I look so ugly and weird, I feel like people instantly don't like me even before I open my mouth and say a word because of what I look like, I feel discriminated because my face does not reflect me at all, I feel like people think I'm stupid and uneducated because of my face, and people don't trust me, they always act suspicous of me like when I'm in a store or a bank, for example, I'm always the one being picked on by security. No matter how nice I am or polite I am I get treated like a piece of sh**. On a few occasions I would overhear complete strangers in public saying something like "oh my god that guy is so ugly." or "what's with his face?", every day I couldn't go out in public without getting at least a handful of stares or weird looks, all this unwanted attention makes me feel like a freak. Little kids stare at me or point their fingers at me sometimes they even act scared or start crying. When I was in school I was called ugly growing up and bullied for it, people never make eye contact with me too long because my face looks so ugly and scary.
> I think that even with normal social skills I'd never get a date simply because my visage looks like a dog's ***. To make it worse, I sometimes get nervous and figit and make weird facial expressions, so people in public react to me in very unpleasant ways.
> 
> This is sort of how people react to me when I walk on the street (I'm serious):
> ...


Ya man you mind showing a pic so I can see?

Yea sure I had assumption all my life that I was ugly just because I have trichotillomania, then when I took prozac my assumption changed and I was beautiful. Now you guys that don't have trichotillomania still think of yourselves as ugly ahahaha, no, you guys are not as worse as trichotillomania, why would you think you are ugly?!

I think everyone has their own assumptions of their appearances, some think they are beautiful, and some think they have to look like how society will accept them, but you don't have to look mainstream to be considered beautiful, those idiots are stupids. You are your own person created by your parents DNAs, and you deserve to show off your DNA for other people to admire, I just found out this is what we are, and I myself like to stare at other DNAs and admire their beauty, their flaws, their smiles, ugly is still beautiful if you can understand it, I can.


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## uselessgoodfornothing (Sep 10, 2013)

Yes but what am I supposed to do about it seriously. I'm sick of talking about it I could write a book about the way appearance effects society couture people the world everything. But it won't changee anything or how I feel.


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## Teflondon (Dec 5, 2014)

There will always be some people out there who find you attractive, no matter how down on yourself you are. I feel like life is a numbers game, and it's just about increasing your chances by interacting as much as possible so as to find those people who do like you. I honestly think most people feel ugly pretty regularly, and that they often get shot down by other people. It happens all the time. The only difference is, with anxiety you tend to stop and shut down after those first few "defeats" whereas people without much anxiety keep going. So all you have to do is remind yourself to keep going, and know that everyone goes through this. I get that it's extra hard for people with social anxiety to take rejection and criticism, but we have to keep trying.


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## CatieCat (Dec 11, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> hmm...i don't have a good feeling about posting pictures of myself on the forum...and as i said i'm not that ugly, certainly not even close to the elephant man!
> if i'm going to post pictures of myself, then only with sunglasses, and they'll be up only temporarily to be deleted.
> 
> Btw has the nothing else guy ever posted pictures of himself on to this forum? He describes himself as a really ugly guy who has features that make him look like a terrorist and he says he's only 4'8 (luckily, at least I don't have height issues), so I'd be pretty curious to see what he looks like. If someone has the thread where he posted those pics that'd be great.
> ...


 I want to see you face cause I still don't believe that you look so bad. Would you be so kind and send my one via pm?


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## CatieCat (Dec 11, 2014)

flightlessvacuum said:


> Yes!
> 
> Dude, what you wrote is exactly what I could have written.
> 
> ...


You're not a freak! Please don't say things like that :-(


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

CatieCat said:


> I want to see you face cause I still don't believe that you look so bad. Would you be so kind and send my one via pm?


As it stands, I have no interest in sending anyone a PM of my face - not because I am 'unkind' or fearful of judgement, but because at this point in time I am much less concerned about this issue for a few reasons:
1) Over the past few months I developed a much more realistic and accurate understanding of my own looks, looks in general, and the impact a person's looks have on his or her surrounding environment and their life. I am no longer in a trap fueled by delusions, paranoia and irrational thinking...or at least less so than I was. I am not so much of a dog chasing its own tail - I can see the bigger picture.
2) I don't care anymore about what people think - to be honest and accurate, it's probably, in fact surely, not true that I don't care at all, but it's not excessive, particularly when it comes to looks and people's reactions to my looks (and now I realized most people really don't give a sheep about what I look like). Being conscious and concerned about other people's perceptions of you isn't unheard of, and in fact, it's probably very normal among the general population...when speaking very generally. But when you worry about every single damn thing, every single move you make, every possible mistake or potentially awkward act, you are driving yourself to madness - how far can you go? Why focus about all the bad of today and yesterday when you have the good of tomorrow to look forward to?
3) I think it's shallow to focus so much on looks, be it my own or other people's. Ugly, pretty, I'm much more concerned about what I have to offer to this world, and to those around me. As for others, the question I ask is 'what is this person all about?', not 'what do they look like?' ...so it's not so much of a "I think I'm actually a really good looking guy" kind of thing, but more of a "who cares what I look like, why focus on what's immediately visible what's inside - that's like focusing on the wooden exterior of a treasure chest (with lots of gold and nice shiny things!), analyzing every detail, without actually opening the damn thing.
4) I can only imagine time going by, 5 years, 10 years, and looking back thinking how much time I wasted worrying about useless crap when I could have taken that time and energy somewhere else, somewhere meaningful. I want to do something I like, something I believe in, and to explore the world, not be consumed by worries and obsessive thoughts.
5) I started taking care of myself a little more, or at least trying to get into the habit - you know, watching what I eat, eating healthy, exercising, etc...I do deviate from healthy activities, but at least I have the right mindset and intent.

If you really want a PM all I will tell you is that no, I'm not as ugly as I've described - I wasn't lying or being dishonest, I guess I was exaggerating or over-dramatizing, which is completely excusable considering how I felt back then. I'm not you and not a mind reader so I can't tell you for sure how you will react if you were to see me, especially since outward beauty (and particularly facial aesthetics) is subjective, but things I can say with 100% undeniable certainty; 1) You won't find me exceptionally good looking or attractive, 2) You won't find me hideous or hard to look at...and with about 90% certainty I can say that there's no shock factor. No 'whoa, what am I looking at?'

The only reason I am still replying and making more posts on this thread after all these months is, well, because I wouldn't want to ignore you and because this might be useful for anyone struggling with related issue (for privacy purposes I won't mention any names but I have gotten a PM from 2 another user who had issues similar to what I described and I gave him pretty rock solid and honest advice, which he appreciated...other people gave advice to me on this thread which others with issues can accept as general advice, and even factoring out advice, at the very least it will help those who can relate...know they're not alone).


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## cupoftealee (Nov 27, 2014)

This thread...


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

cupoftealee said:


> This thread...


...won't be here for very long, but idk how to delete it. Otherwise, after this post I'd appreciate it if people stop replying because then it will keep coming back to the first page. If people think this thread is valuable, for whatever reason, they can keep posting as long as they don't bug me about it, because at this point I really don't care for it. It was made in Feb 2014 and yet as late as this November and December some people still bring it back.

If anyone knows how to delete threads, I'd appreciate it if you PM me instructions. If only mods can do that, I really wouldn't object if they delete it.


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## Wren611 (Oct 19, 2012)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> ...won't be here for very long, but idk how to delete it. Otherwise, after this post I'd appreciate it if people stop replying because then it will keep coming back to the first page. If people think this thread is valuable, for whatever reason, they can keep posting as long as they don't bug me about it, because at this point I really don't care for it. It was made in Feb 2014 and yet as late as this November and December some people still bring it back.
> 
> If anyone knows how to delete threads, I'd appreciate it if you PM me instructions. If only mods can do that, I really wouldn't object if they delete it.


Change the thread title to 'mods please delete' or something along those lines.

Btw, I was reading through before I realised this was an old thread. I was wondering how you were getting on now.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

Wren611 said:


> Change the thread title to 'mods please delete' or something along those lines.
> 
> Btw, I was reading through before I realised this was an old thread. I was wondering how you were getting on now.


One of my more recent posts, #72 , answers that. To sum it up, much, much better.


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## flightlessvacuum (Nov 4, 2014)

CatieCat said:


> You're not a freak! Please don't say things like that :-(


I really am unfortunately, I've even been compared to the elephant man


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