# I'm at university and I have no friends



## tryptamines (Oct 15, 2015)

I recently got into a university, about 10 hours from home, which is secluded and far from any big cities. Because of this, I am unable to visit home, my family, and friends until Winter vacation. It doesn't help that, in calls, my parents constantly bombard me with phrases like, "you should have went to a closer university," and the like. It not only makes me homesick, but it's made me actualize what's been brewing in my mind since the early days of moving here: that I have no friends.
Back in my hometown, I was somewhat social, high school being my peak years, and community college, the scope being limited mainly to several very close friends.
To some extent, I can guage what to do in social situations, but I feel that somehow my skills have lessened massively. My default is avoidant. I tend to avoid confrontation (be it, negative, or neutral). This translates into me pretending to be asleep so as not to interact with my roommates or leaving class immediately so as not to interact with students, and I haven't even visited an office hour because I'm intimidated and avoidant.
People here do seem courteous, strangers and housemates, but I get a lingering sense that I don't belong.
I've joined several clubs, but also got the feeling that I don't belong, so I lost interest in committing to them.
Now on to my roommate, housemates. I have hung out with my roommate (mainly), as we share the same room together; I've spent occasions with her friends, but that's just the thing: they're her friends and they don't really express any interest in me other than being an acquaintance to my roommate. I'm not attacking them for that. I'm just pointing out, that although, I have some social exposure, it seems that I don't have anyone who wants to hang out with me for me, like an intrinsic, real friend manner. I don't know if it's because of my avoidant manner, that puts people off or something else. I worry that I don't have good character because of my habits.
It doesn't help that I'm not necessarily the most politically correct person, but I keep that to myself and I am very conscious of people's feelings.
As a result, I'm homesick, pissed at myself, alienated, depressed, basically, a flurry of emotions. I don't know what to do about this. I just really want a hug, or to go home. Any relative stories or advice?


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

Yes i relate completely. High school was the peak of my life too. University the worst. I got so depressed from loneliness I remember telling my mum that I wanted to kill myself. However i just tried to pick myself up. Humans are adaptive and i slowly adapted to uni. I now have a couple of friends at uni but mostly see my old high school friends for social stuff. But mainly i try to distract myself and keep myself busy, cause if i'm too busy for socialising then what does it matter right? try volunteering, committing to clubs, studying, going to uni, volunteer for extra research or assist your professor in research. don't tell yourself that finding friends is the most important thing, and i know that's hard to do. but that was my method than gradually i made a few friends at uni. gradually i stopped being so depressed, learnt to smile more, battle through my anxiety and engage in conversation and it's kinda worked. 

but i understand how you feel. loneliness is a killer. literally; lonely people are predicted to live just as long as smokers, some die earlier because of the effect it has on our health, both mental and physical, especially our immune system. try engaging in your favourite television shows as well, seek out online human interaction or get a pet to try and temporarily fulfil your belonging needs. 

i have to ask though. why did you move so far away? is there no uni closer to home? 

Also, if this is really taking a toll on your mental health have you thought about seeing a counsellor?


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

I moved eight hours away immediately after high school to go to the closest school in my state that offered the degree I was after. Unfortunately, things became difficult to the point where it was affecting my studies. And my roommate, while she was sweet and caring, was also depressed but more severely. It was nice that we could relate to each other and feel like we weren't alone in our struggles, but at the same time our relationship was unhealthy as our bad behaviors were encouraged on one another. After she started skipping all of her classes, I gradually started to pick up this bad habit. 

I didn't seek counseling until my second year. And while it helped with getting rid of my suicidal thoughts, my depression transitioned into a more apathetic form. I started taking meds too, but they didn't help. All the while, I didn't notify my parents about my treatments. I adapted this hedonistic lifestyle and started blowing off my money on stupid things. Eventually I dropped out and moved back in with my parents, but I'm doing okay compared to two years ago. I do have plans to move back out by next year, so hopefully I've learned to cope enough with my weaknesses these last few years.


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## FieryHeart (Apr 2, 2015)

Well I can't give much advice beyond saying the way I got (somewhat) over my fear of introducing myself to people was forcing myself to introduce myself to one person at every event i went to. I still hate doing it, but I can do it and I use the technique on other things. Add another friend to your list because if you want it my friendship is free!* 
*Expiration date: never. srsly if u need anything I got u


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

I had very few friends in college. I guess I just got used to it.


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## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Have you just started this year or been there a while?


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## Akuba (Oct 17, 2014)

NoDak81 said:


> I had very few friends in college. I guess I just got used to it.


Me too. College is not for everyone, but during our time there we get used to it.


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