# Figured Out Why I'm Not Getting Better



## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Actually, I am getting better, but I just had an epiphany about why I'm not getting better as fast as I want to...And why, after taking 2 steps forward (getting a girl's #, standing up to my friends etc), I take 3 steps backward (not calling the girl, caving into these very same friends etc). 

The only way one can change is by doing something on a consistant basis. For some reason(well it's SA), I cannot consistantly walk into a social situation and not want to leave. There might be times where I don't feel the desperate need to flee but on some level, I always feel afraid, threatened and in flight or flight mode. If I succeed against my anxiety, somehow, I've dodged a bullet. It's still a surprise when I do do brave things. Next time, based on my track record, my anxiety will win out. 

Just now I visited a friend's room and as soon as I entered (he had a girl (a friend) over too) I just wanted to run away. Then, the next few minutes, as I made ok conversation and was fairly calm on the outside (hopefully), was an exercise in keeping my feet planted on the ground and not running away. 

I've discovered that I am still listening to (as Dr. Richards calls them), my ANTs thoughts and feelings. My brain is supersaturated with hypnotic suggestions, video feedback discoveries, positive affirmations and all the cognitive tools of CBT. I've also deepened my relationship w/my friends & parents, had a romantic relationship, stood up to people and gotten the internship of my dreams, among other amazing feats (from where I'm coming from). All of this has helped. A lot. But something's missing. After all this work, when I get into most social settings, it's like I'm back at square miserable one. I haven't explored the behavioral much at all. I need to do behavioral experiments. I need to test and retest the new ideas that I've learned and replace my old core values. I need to stop behaving how I have for years and years. I need to stay when I don't want to, make eye contact when the voices inside tell me I look unattractive, strange, angry, take a chance on girls who clearly are interested and ignore all the BS this disorder throws at me. 

I guess this isn't really an epiphany at all. I've known this from day one. But on some level, I feel relieved. I was wondering why, after 10 months of hard work, I still had a long way to go. Now I know.

Some people don't believe this thing can be cured. I, however, do and plan on curing mine.


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## TomB (Nov 5, 2006)

progress NOT perfection.

tom b


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Good epiphany....and correct, SADFighter!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Practicing social non-avoidance provides quite a rush! Do what makes you anxious, stand in the face of the anxiety storms regardless of its strength, and see how it doesn't kill you.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I like your attitude. Patience is needed to improve at anything.


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