# People just think that I'm some crazy Asian guy



## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

Ok so, I look kind of nerdy, wear glasses, do well in my classes, and people usually come to me for help. I usually just try to take things easy and be sociable but then a lot of the time when I talk to people, it literally just goes like this:

Person A: I was going to say something, but I don't want to sound racist. *says it anyway* I was just going to say that you're so Asian, haha.

*Person B chimes in*
Person B: Yeah, like there are even fliers [on campus] that are like, "Are you Asian and not a straight A student? Let us help you!"

*cue other joking, teasing, and laughing from the other people that I'm helping*

This has happened to me a bunch of times with a lot of people. I usually laugh and don't say anything, but in my mind I'm like, "You jelly of my ping pong skills? Got rice, cuz?" But seriously, it's irritating to be made into a character and have everything I do and everything that I'm about attached to some stereotype or concept. It's not even about first impressions because people don't even second guess your character and personality and just expect the things coming out of your mouth to be a certain way. A lot of times I catch people not really listening to what I say and just nodding because they don't take me seriously.

Lol is there anything I can do about this?


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I'm sorry people are clueless. Some people just have no sense of basic manners. Making such a big deal about your incidental racial status is like asking a very tall person "How's the weather up there?" It's just rude and incredibly stupid. 

I'm sorry people reduce you to one aspect about yourself. I promise non-asians aren't all this thoughtless. I generally like Asians because their culture emphasizes humility, and I wish more Americans could adopt that mentality.


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

mcmuffinme said:


> I'm sorry people are clueless. Some people just have no sense of basic manners. Making such a big deal about your incidental racial status is like asking a very tall person "How's the weather up there?" It's just rude and incredibly stupid.
> 
> I'm sorry people reduce you to one aspect about yourself. I promise non-asians aren't all this thoughtless. I generally like Asians because their culture emphasizes humility, and I wish more Americans could adopt that mentality.


Mm, well I can kind of see both sides of the fence, in terms of why race doesn't matter and also why it does matter.

I grew up in the land of the free playing with a Black girl and a White girl who lived in the same house. I didn't think anything of it because the concept of 'race' didn't even exist in my mind. I haven't only talked to Asian people lol. I've seen plenty of people who didn't live up to their stereotype, positive or negative. I know some people of Chicano descent who can't speak Spanish at all, except for profanity. I've gotten to know a bunch of ghetto Asians lol. So there's a part of me that just wonders why everyone can't just be an individual. There's just this feeling of like, "Hey, don't be strangers."

At the same time, though, racial profiling and categorizing isn't something we do just for the hell of it. A lot of people: grow up together, share the same beliefs, share the same culture and customs, etc. A lot of people identify with a race or culture and are proud of their identities. If you look anywhere, you'll see people who can relate to each other hanging out (i.e. skaters, athletes, gamers, etc.). It's easier to talk to someone who speaks your language, literally and figuratively. So in a way, racial/stereotypical identity is kind of natural.

So I'm just in an awkward position lol. I don't do any karate or kung fu, but at the same time, everyone's got to fit in somewhere. My problem is just that I don't fit in anywhere lol. It's always awkward to see Rush Hour happening in real life, because a lot of times people need a sense of unity to become understanding and to become good friends. Or heck, even feeling empathy.

i.e. In a class that I took, a Black single mother was being candid and open about her situation and I felt she made some really smart, good points. But the clique of "cool kids" just had her reduced to being "ghetto" and didn't listen to what she said at all. They even went up to her and just randomly said stuff like, "Doing your thang?", "I feel you, gurl", etc. and I'd hear them talking crap in their circle.

:/


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

just curious, where are you from? I'm asian but never experienced this before.


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

Well, I live in SoCal and some of the stuff I see at my community college is just ridiculous (i.e. some people calling every Black person "ghetto", people saying "I don't trust White people", etc.). It's like people are taking Youtube fights and "Sh*t ___ People Say/Do" videos way too seriously.

We just need to stop putting each other in boxes.


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## XxVampireLov3rXx (Sep 8, 2013)

Reminds me from a scene of the walking dead, A character named Daryl kinda mocked a guy named Glenn who is Korean but Daryl made a quote that is * "Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road - figured he had to be Asian, driving like that" *daryl seems to mock Glenn, but i don't think he truly means it, he don't hate him or anything. I think the character Daryl cares about the people on the show but he doesn't show it with hugs etc, he'll save your life though, try's to be the tough guy... But yeah this topic reminded me of the *relationship* between Daryl and Glenn on the walking dead. I also don't beleive putting people in categorys etc, I accept everyone, no matter skin color, etc


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

I saw another thread about this last night and I think it's cool that people are coming out of the woodwork about their independence and individuality.

A thought that I've been playing with, though, is that this stuff is kind of human nature. We like to map things out. Also, people have a lot of history: cultural, socioeconomical, political, etc.

I feel like it's going to be interesting to see how this all plays out, as the world is slowing shifting gears and people are coming together. I think people can't help but have ideas floating around in the back of their minds, but we could try to be more open-minded and not be afraid to second guess instead of running to Vegas with our expectations of each other.

Last week my counseling teacher asked me to give my definition of critical thinking, I just said: "To me, critical thinking is thinking for yourself and not buying what's spoonfed to you."


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## Swtlduckie (Nov 18, 2013)

I Lurk Life said:


> Ok so, I look kind of nerdy, wear glasses, do well in my classes, and people usually come to me for help. I usually just try to take things easy and be sociable but then a lot of the time when I talk to people, it literally just goes like this:
> 
> Person A: I was going to say something, but I don't want to sound racist. *says it anyway* I was just going to say that you're so Asian, haha.
> 
> ...


Well people often make the possible assumptions they can based on your looks, I would try to nicely respond by saying these stereotypes are not who I am. I would make in a rather light form almost jokingly. Like, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but that is not who I am. I am much more complex then that." I hope this is of some use.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I Lurk Life said:


> This has happened to me a bunch of times with a lot of people. I usually laugh and don't say anything, but in my mind I'm like, "You jelly of my ping pong skills? Got rice, cuz?" But seriously, it's irritating to be made into a character and have everything I do and everything that I'm about attached to some stereotype or concept. It's not even about first impressions because people don't even second guess your character and personality and just expect the things coming out of your mouth to be a certain way. A lot of times I catch people not really listening to what I say and just nodding because they don't take me seriously.
> 
> Lol is there anything I can do about this?


How often do you do things that aren't stereotypically Asian and hang out with clubs and friends that aren't majority Asian?

If you like dancing try joining a salsa or merengue club. If you like a certain sport other than ping pong and badminton, try joining an intramural team. If you like listening to Latin music, go to Latin music clubs or join some Latin American cultural club. If you like Salvadorean food, join some cooking club or class.

If all you do is play computer/video games, study, play the piano/violin, eat kimchi/chow mein/pho, and speak the same Asian language, then it'll be easier for people to stereotype you. Not saying that you do all of these things (I don't know you), but my point is, it makes it harder for people to stereotype you if they rarely see you doing ultra-Asian things.


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## shinycaptain (Nov 17, 2013)

vicente said:


> How often do you do things that aren't stereotypically Asian and hang out with clubs and friends that aren't majority Asian?
> 
> If you like dancing try joining a salsa or merengue club. If you like a certain sport other than ping pong and badminton, try joining an intramural team. If you like listening to Latin music, go to Latin music clubs or join some Latin American cultural club. If you like Salvadorean food, join some cooking club or class.
> 
> If all you do is play computer/video games, study, play the piano/violin, eat kimchi/chow mein/pho, and speak the same Asian language, then it'll be easier for people to stereotype you. Not saying that you do all of these things (I don't know you), but my point is, it makes it harder for people to stereotype you if they rarely see you doing ultra-Asian things.


Mmm but at the same time you don't NOT want to eat kimchi, play piano just because you're afraid of being a stereotype. I'm an asian girl and although I haven't faced that much stereotypical thinking from others, people just assume I'm smart and want to borrow my notes in class haha I'm like- what notes? I'm failing this class man! :b Just kidding- I happen to be a nerdy asian girl stereotype but my friends know I'm more than that.


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

Well, just to clear things up, here's where I'm coming from:

Note: I'm talking about 'orientals'. As far as I know, people in the UK look at the term 'Asian' in a different context (i.e. Indians, some parts of Russia, etc.).

*A lot of people have this idea of an average Asian as this uppity Asian guy who is overly polite, does well in school, wears Abercrombie and coke bottle glasses, and/or watches anime and is socially awkward.
*
First of all, in regards to this image, I'd say there's some truth to it but a lot of stuff is missing. I'd say this image applies more to Asian exchange students/immigrants rather than Asian-Americans. From what I know, a lot of Asian countries still have this 'reconstruction/rebuilding' phase going on due to all the wars and stuff in the 20th century. A lot of older Asian people lack a college education and are super collectivistic. Add that with being destitute (my parents told me they were lucky to have a hard boiled egg for their birthday) and that's why there's an emphasis on education being the way out of poverty. Personally, I'm Cantonese and in my area Cantonese people have this reputation of being 'ghetto' and stuff.

Now when we're talking about Asian-Americans, you might get something totally different. Some second-generation Asian-Americans have parents who really stick to the way they've been brought up. Some don't. In my experience, things were pretty weird. I'd be in school or whatever and there'd be all these Asian-Americans who were tan, built/aesthetic, smart, and had swag or whatever and I'd constantly get bullied and ostracized by some of them. People were growing out of that "Azn" phase from the early 2000s but there'd still be this sense of elitism, especially with the younger kids who had much better nutrition and stuff (not saying a lot of people are like this, just that in my area some people give out that "You're a loser, you have to speak to someone just to speak to me" vibe). That leads to my next point.

*People come in all shapes and sizes.

*I'd see Asian immigrant-students. I'd see Asian-Americans. In my family, my cousin is in the army and grew up with WWE and he just talks about being an alpha male all the time while putting me down for being a wuss and all that. So I guess what I tried to convey in my post was that: yes, some people have similarities based on their culture and their circumstances, but it's not that simple. For me, I've always been this outsider guy. I just talk to a bunch of different people and just see all there is to see in life. I speak Cantonese worse than an immigrant-student speaks English. I don't entertain self-hate, being dumb and generalizing whole groups of people because some people targeted me, etc. At my college, I've seen stuff like:

• In a class from a while ago, I'd help this homeless Black guy with homework and stuff. We kind of got along and he got me a large soda which I thought was really nice of him. When he didn't do well in the class, he started talking to me about our professor possibly targeting him, our professor being this buff-anti-Vietnam War-hippie guy. I just questioned his reasons for thinking that way but avoided saying stuff. A lot of people believed that our professor has a big heart and I just felt it was unfortunate that my acquaintance thought that way.

• In another class, I'd help this guy of Cuban descent with homework. During this time, I tried to not seem anti-social so I just asked a bunch of questions awkwardly to make conversation. He ended up saying, "I don't trust White people" when we were talking about our professor. I asked him why and he said, "Because of what they've done throughout history." I tried to ask him questions in a Socratic way to get him to change his mind but decided not to push it. Another unfortunate case.

• In yet another class, I'd help out this group of "cool people" (good looking, popular, outgoing, etc.). Most of them were of German descent. The last day of class, someone in their group invited me to join them on their way to get some food and hang out because I helped them and stuff. So I just sat there and tried to act casual and I just heard them talking about topics like great sex and stuff. Along the way, a girl said some guy tried to come on to her rather aggressively. She said she just felt disgusted and ignored him. Some guy asked, "Is he Black?" and she said yes. There were also other stuff that they did which made me feel uncomfortable. And again, this is not to be confused as "Wow, these German-Americans are bad guys!" or to target a particular ethnicity or race. I'm just saying that everyone is basically crazy. I've met a lot of great people who were White, a lot who were Black, a lot who were Asian, a lot who were Latin, etc.

*So where I am at now...

*It's just irritating to be talking to someone and it'd be like they were talking to a kid. Just not taken seriously, coupled with people making jokes for the 1000th time. But now I just feel like we're always going to think a lot about race. So now I'm just approaching it like high school on steroids. Just a bunch of people entitled to their opinion and you just have to take it in stride and remember that it's not that big of a deal/you probably won't see them again, etc. People are going to be people and you just have to be you.



shinycaptain said:


> Mmm but at the same time you don't NOT want to eat kimchi, play piano just because you're afraid of being a stereotype. I'm an asian girl and although I haven't faced that much stereotypical thinking from others, people just assume I'm smart and want to borrow my notes in class haha I'm like- what notes? I'm failing this class man! :b Just kidding- I happen to be a nerdy asian girl stereotype but my friends know I'm more than that.


 I think people shouldn't have to worry about changing their lifestyles because of what other people think. I don't have to worry about fitting a stereotype. I'm just going to do whatever appeals to me. I'm gonna be like, "You can think whatever you want about me, though it helps to do some critical thinking. Peace."


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I Lurk Life said:


> Well, I live in SoCal and some of the stuff I see at my community college is just ridiculous (i.e. some people calling every Black person "ghetto", people saying "I don't trust White people", etc.). It's like people are taking Youtube fights and "Sh*t ___ People Say/Do" videos way too seriously.
> 
> We just need to stop putting each other in boxes.


Dude, I've gone to community college in this region. It gets better, I promise. People who go to community college, particularly spoiled white kids in this area, can be pretty unbearable. I'm sorry if it sounds like I hate white people. I am white, so I feel like I'm in a good position to criticize them. And your stories about things white people say to you and your peers make me cringe because I can imagine it, and I know it happens. Every now and then I say something stupid because I'm nervous, but goddamn, some people just take saying ignorant crap to a new level. Please forgive them. Unless they are clearly trying to be mean-spirited, they're usually just morons who don't think before they speak. I'm not saying the way they behave is acceptable, but I don't know how to make it stop other than confronting these people outright, which isn't my specialty in life. The good news is you don't want to be friends with people that are so utterly tactless anyway. I'm sure you're not the only person cringing to yourself in class when people start talking nonsense.


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

mcmuffinme said:


> Dude, I've gone to community college in this region. It gets better, I promise. People who go to community college, particularly spoiled white kids in this area, can be pretty unbearable. I'm sorry if it sounds like I hate white people. I am white, so I feel like I'm in a good position to criticize them. And your stories about things white people say to you and your peers make me cringe because I can imagine it, and I know it happens. Every now and then I say something stupid because I'm nervous, but goddamn, some people just take saying ignorant crap to a new level. Please forgive them. Unless they are clearly trying to be mean-spirited, they're usually just morons who don't think before they speak. I'm not saying the way they behave is acceptable, but I don't know how to make it stop other than confronting these people outright, which isn't my specialty in life. The good news is you don't want to be friends with people that are so utterly tactless anyway. I'm sure you're not the only person cringing to yourself in class when people start talking nonsense.


Oh, no. When I talk about people saying, "I don't trust White people", I'm not saying, "Omg look at how White people are!"

I'm saying, "Wow, it's sad to see someone generalize, dehumanize, and rally against a whole group of people for no good reason." Basically, I'm saying the person (the minority, just to be absolutely clear with you) is being ridiculous because there's never a good reason for hating on whole groups of people.

I've had some people lecture to me about all sorts of stuff. There was a White woman who introduced herself by saying, "This is how you pronounce my name, don't Anglicize it." She just talked about the "bad deeds" that White people committed and other stuff. I just thought, "Dang, this is crazy." It reminded me of Nathaniel Hawthorne, who felt so guilty about what his ancestors did that he wrote _The Crucible_.

I dropped a class because it gave this vibe of like, "Latinos have been subjugated by Whites and suffered at the hands of Anglo-Saxon dogmatism, effectively having their heritage erased." It felt uncomfortable to me.

Other stuff that makes me uncomfortable is when I sometimes see Asian girls saying they're 'whitewashed' and stuff. Some white guy in another thread mentioned living in Asia and talked about the pressures of assimilating and fitting in. To me, I just feel like we should disregard any narratives that make/force us to be a certain way. Just be yourself, do what you love, and don't care about any weird (ridiculous) stuff. I'm not a fan of White guilt, feeling the need to assimilate, feeling the need to objectify individuals, etc.

@mcmuffinme
Personally, I think it's irrational to assign praise or blame based on your association with a race. People like being linked to each other and every group has their idiosyncrasies, but a lot of times people hate the flack they get because of their group.

I've thought about it and I think I just have a weird situation going on. I've always felt like an orphan who got raised by a pack of wolves and now I'm trying to deal with city people. Everyone has people that they identify with and for me the closest thing I have is the video game community. It's always just interesting (and crazy) to see the things that people do.

But one interesting thing is that people are putting more things on the table. It looks bad at times, but people are learning how to deal and live with their neighbors. It'd be cool to see some kind of harmonic convergence of cultures and everything.

Oh well.


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

I feel like I wrote some essays :/ Here's the short version of my thoughts:

Basically, I think that race, gender, or anything are like scriptures. People feel like they're part of a community if they follow them. Through life and through circumstances, I don't. So I'm just going to adapt to a world where everyone does.


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## lwubbels04 (Nov 19, 2013)

I wonder if the people saying those things to you
actually just think of you as a simply a nice helpful
young man. Maybe its only when they open up their
mouth to talk to you that they don't think about what
they're saying and stupid things they don't mean 
come out. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt
cuz I just hate it when people accidentally say racists
things. Although I'm not naive I know that there are 
people who really are racists it's so horrible.


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