# Boyfriend problems



## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

I've been in a relationship with a guy for a few weeks now. He has this friend named Katie that I'm friends with because he wanted me to be her friend. He told me that he treats her like a sister but it sure doesn't seem like he does. I was over at his house today since his dad was working and he can't have me at his house when his dad's around (such a shame). We were all in bed cuddling each other and she's bisexual. She took her top off and was showing her bra. I was between him and her on the bed and he was like rubbing her head like he does with me and he touched her stomach. I went to his bathroom to go cry because it was bothering me how they seemed flirtatious with each other. I lied and told them that it was just my stomach bothering me after I came out of the bathroom. 

He even said, "I'm cuddling in bed with two hot women" and saying that I'm the hotter one. I kept having the urge to just say something but went along with it. She seems like a nice girl. It's just that he seems like he likes her, too. 

At least I got to hug her and cop a feel of her boob. That's the closest I've ever done anything to a girl since I haven't had a friend in almost a decade. I don't know what to think about this guy. Nothing shows that he's a jerk. He gives her hugs, too. I know hugs aren't sexual but I don't know. She told me she wants to date me and she does have this guy she's dating or is going to date. 

Please give me some advice. I highly doubt I'll get advice on a relationship thread on an SAS forum but I really would at least like some peoples' views about it. Oh, and another thing. I talked with him about it on the phone after the first time I met her because she seemed like she was flirting with him then and he told me she's just like a sister to him and there's nothing going on between them.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

Holy ****, I would be FREAKING OUT if I was you. I think you really need to have a talk with him about what's okay friend behavior and what isn't. He should not be touching her stomach while she's in her bra. That is unacceptable and disrespectful to you.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

I guess my advice would be to honor your own feelings and don't allow someone else to be the one who gets to define reality for you. If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Sounds weird. For some reason I read his voice in the voice of a guy with a foreign accent. One of those guys that tend to have foreign accents and balances multiple girls. Usually having multiple in bed with him.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1BSxxSNRJP4


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

You know, it's just not fair that some guys have lives like this. 

OP, it's very simple. If she's attractive and she flirts with him and lets him caress and touch her then he's having sex with her. He's a man. They're probably a couple of weirdo perverts into sex games. Maybe they have a bet about turning you out. Who knows? Sounds very creepy to me. It sounds like they're trying to slowly work you into their threesome game.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

He's trying to get you to have a threesome with this other girl (whom he is almost certainly into) but he's not being honest about it.

Sorry shelbs  That's my take on it. Hope I'm wrong. 

There's nothing wrong with threesomes, but he should be honest about his intentions rather than lie to you.


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## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

Your situation sounds like it's going down the ultimatum road, I hope it isn't but someday it may have to come to a point where you may have to ask him to choose between you or her. 

I woudn't personally, I'd get rid if he's flirting so early in the relationship.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

The whole situation with the three of you in bed together, just screams where are the boundaries. I've had lots of friends that were girls and I never had any of them take their top off, or any of that. Because we were friends, not fwb, not ****buddies, not bf/gf, just friends. I wonder also if your bf is trying to slowly get you guys into a threesome with him, but idk, that's a stretch.

I would talk to him and tell him that you're not at all comfortable with it, and if it continues he can find another gf. Or, you may just want to break it off with him right away. Sorry, but imo he's totally disrespecting you...you deserve better.


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## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

Totally not right !! ... Except touching of the boob part... haha


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

He's gotta be a player be careful


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Even if he did stop touching his "sister" in front of you he'll do it behind your back. Make sure your comfortable enough to handle their "special" relationship and the games that go along with it. Probably aiming for that threesome.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Haha, Steiner of Thule. That was funny. 

I didn't mention that we were watching a movie on Netflix while this was going on. It was more like a cuddle while watching movie thing but it still had sexual intentions I guess you could call it. He told me that she was taking her top off for me and he was touching her stomach to try to "inspire confidence". He told me that she was nervous and he was just trying to fix it because he felt awkward. 

But if it was a scenario where it was me with a guy friend and I was doing all this stuff while I had a relationship, that would be totally wrong. That's how I see it.

I had a long talk (an hour and twenty minutes) with him on the phone and he told me all this stuff that made sense. He told me that his plan backfired and what he did was the opposite of what he intended to do. He said she wants to date me and doesn't like him like that and they just joke around when it comes to sexual stuff. And he said she's just awkward about all this stuff because she's never actually done anything with a girl before. He even said that she wanted it to just be me and her in the room together and didn't want him there. She was kind of by herself on the bed next to me away from me because she knows I'm with him. So I think it all adds up now. All the advice was helpful either way.  I had my suspicions before calling him but it's all worked out now. If it was a threesome, I don't think we'd be watching Netflix. xD

RaisedOnBadPuns, it wasn't his sister.  It was his friend but he just calls her a sister. Just to clarify and not make you feel awkward about your post.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I'm so confused, he wanted you to get with her, just you and her? And what was he going to do, leave? So does he not want to date you? Or is he looking for an open relationship? 

I guess it's hard to answer because I don't know his intentions, and now I'm not really sure of your intentions.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Gwynevere said:


> I'm so confused, he wanted you to get with her, just you and her? And what was he going to do, leave? So does he not want to date you? Or is he looking for an open relationship?
> 
> I guess it's hard to answer because I don't know his intentions, and now I'm not really sure of your intentions.


It's kind of hard to put all the details into a post because I can't really think it all through in one post but that's not it at all. I love him and he's the guy I want to be with and he knows I'm bisexual and is trying to find me a girl to date while I'm with him. It doesn't mean he's going to leave me. He doesn't want to do that. He just wanted to get her and me together but he wants to still be with me. I'm bisexual so I'm wanting to try things with a girl and see how it goes. I like both girls and guys and he's okay with this. If he wasn't okay with this, I wouldn't let him do it and I don't think he'd try to get me and her to do "fun stuff", either if he wasn't fine with it.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

shelbster18 said:


> It's kind of hard to put all the details into a post because I can't really think it all through in one post but that's not it at all. I love him and he's the guy I want to be with and he knows I'm bisexual and is trying to find me a girl to date while I'm with him. It doesn't mean he's going to leave me. He doesn't want to do that. He just wanted to get her and me together but he wants to still be with me. I'm bisexual so I'm wanting to try things with a girl and see how it goes. I like both girls and guys and he's okay with this. If he wasn't okay with this, I wouldn't let him do it and I don't think he'd try to get me and her to do "fun stuff", either if he wasn't fine with it.


Ok, that clears some things up. I think it's probably a bad idea given how close they are to each other, maybe if it was a different girl. So are you worried about being rushed into things, because that was a surprise and you weren't ready, too fast a pace? Or are you more upset about the fact that he was touching her as well (and touching her more than you were touching her it seems like)?


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Gwynevere said:


> Ok, that clears some things up. I think it's probably a bad idea given how close they are to each other, maybe if it was a different girl. So are you worried about being rushed into things, because that was a surprise and you weren't ready, too fast a pace? Or are you more upset about the fact that he was touching her as well (and touching her more than you were touching her it seems like)?


Well, he told me he just likes her as a friend and more like a sister type thing and he was just touching her to release some of the tension between me and her and to get me to feel more confident in touching her. I asked him about that part and he said he wasn't thinking when he touched her. He was just trying to get me to open up with feeling on her I guess and not make things awkward. He wants me to take it slowly with her and I do, too. So I don't understand why we started from there in the first place. I think it was more like a teasing thing because it's not like we were getting nakie. >_> She just had her bra off is all. She did actually rub my leg some and kissed me on the cheek. It's a start and I don't want to go fast. I'll just repeat again. The touching thing was just part of his plan that backfired. xD He told me that on the phone and I believe him. It was just to get me started with her.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Shelbs, going off of the info given in the original post, it sounds like you deserve a much better guy than that. I guess it depends on what you want, do you want to just have fun and fool around with a guy and possibly a girl? Then this sounds good enough and there's no shame in that. But if you want a real relationship with a good guy that deserves an awesome girl like you then get out of this mess, it doesn't sound good, this guy sounds like a weirdo. He DOES NOT only think of her as a friend, I know how guys think and I know how guys lie and manipulate, I'm ashamed to say that I have plenty of experience in telling girls exactly what they want to hear just to hide a lie. You're so much better than this guy.


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

If you're not interested in an open relationship, find someone else. Ask him if he is into open relationships. It seems like he is. If that's not what you want; then definitely move on. It's all about communication. I think it was very rude of him to act like that without ever discussing it.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

I'm getting confused now. :S He's not even into the whole open relationship thing. He didn't mean to touch her like that. We cleared that up on the phone. I'm not into being in an open relationship and he never said anything about being with more than one girl. I just want to be in a relationship with a guy and fool around with a girl. That's what I want. He told me he was being honest with me. Or maybe I am just naive and he's fooling with my head. I can never tell whether a guy's a douchebag or not unless they're the obvious ones. I wouldn't call him a weirdo or a creep, though. :< He seems nice when I'm with him in person and he texts me throughout the day, which is a good sign right? :S To be honest, he asked me out on our first date and before I met him, we've only talked for like a week. This woman in the park came walking right by us telling us we'd be married within a year. lol **** her. ;[ I don't know what to think anymore. Crimeclub (I don't feel like quoting tonight for some reason), thanks for all that.  

I really hope he isn't manipulating me. He told me he doesn't see her often and said he went like a whole week without texting her. Don't know if that means much.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I would be so much more inclined to believe any of what he's telling you if this was a longer relationship. "A few weeks" and he's already decided to try to help you get a girl on the side? And also, just the fact that he's trying to set you up with her. He's trying too hard to make it happen and that's weird. But he could just be naive. You know better than the rest of us what he's like so go with how you feel, just as long as everything you're doing is comfortable to you, and don't let him guilt you into letting him sleep with other girls if that's not okay with you.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Gwynevere said:


> I would be so much more inclined to believe any of what he's telling you if this was a longer relationship. "A few weeks" and he's already decided to try to help you get a girl on the side? And also, just the fact that he's trying to set you up with her. He's trying too hard to make it happen and that's weird. But he could just be naive. You know better than the rest of us what he's like so go with how you feel, just as long as everything you're doing is comfortable to you, and don't let him guilt you into letting him sleep with other girls if that's not okay with you.


Hmm...I just feel like he's doing it for me because he knows I'm bisexual and that he really wants to make me happy and find a girl for me? I'm not sure. :/ My mind's all jumbled right now. I'm going to have to make a wise decision about this. I'm supposed to see him again tomorrow (technically today) hopefully and she's coming along with him again. He wants me and her to do some things together while he goes off on his own to do something. *shrugs* To me, that does seem a bit off but of course it's not like he'll always leave me and her to do things together while he's somewhere else. She doesn't have a car to drive so he picks her up. She doesn't get out much and he has mental problems with depression so it's like we all connect on some level and I'd hate to break that connection.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

I think he gets off on this bisexual thing. And I think he and her have more of a history than he admits to.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

wrongnumber said:


> I think he gets off on this bisexual thing. And I think he and her have more of a history than he admits to.


I just think he's a guy who is attracted to multiple females and wants a threesome. He doesn't care if she's bi, he cares that he can get laid by two girls at once. I'll repeat that, he doesn't care in the goddamn slightest that you're attracted to females beyond his own lust.

Trust me. I know.


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## Lazarusx (Apr 14, 2013)

Its obvious whats happening here, he's trying to encourage you into a threesome.. i have absolutely no doubt about this. But my guess is he's never been in a situation like this and has no idea how to initiate it, so he's been extremely indirect (eg: suggesting you and her do stuff while he goes elsewhere) so he can randomly come back and 'join in'.

It's SO obvious it makes me laugh.

But anyhow, there's nothing wrong with that ONLY if all parties involved want to and are emotionally secure.. otherwise it will turn into a disaster.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Sacrieur said:


> I just think he's a guy who is attracted to multiple females and wants a threesome. He doesn't care if she's bi, he cares that he can get laid by two girls at once. I'll repeat that, he doesn't care in the goddamn slightest that you're attracted to females beyond his own lust.
> 
> Trust me. I know.


^Agreed agreed agreed.

Don't allow yourself to be caught in a position of naivety, us horny guys will jump on that opportunity in a second. How smooth he is when he explains himself, and all the sweet things he'll say to you is irrelevant, f*** what he says and how he says it, what is he doing? If he wanted you for himself he would keep you for himself, not let you experiment with other people, why isn't he letting you experiment with other guys, could it be because he's not interesting in f***ing other guys? I have no doubt that this guy is generally a good guy, but it's clear that his D is in the driver seat in this relationship and I strongly suspect that you two aren't on the same page right now.


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## joked35 (Oct 13, 2013)

^ This.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> ^Agreed agreed agreed.
> 
> Don't allow yourself to be caught in a position of naivety, us horny guys will jump on that opportunity in a second. How smooth he is when he explains himself, and all the sweet things he'll say to you is irrelevant, f*** what he says and how he says it, what is he doing? If he wanted you for himself he would keep you for himself, not let you experiment with other people. I have no doubt that this guy is generally a good guy, but it's clear that his D is in the driver seat in this relationship and I strongly suspect that you two aren't on the same page right now.


Quoted for the f'ing truth.

As a male with a fully functional sex drive driven by a supercharged 3.4 L V8 libido, I should damn well bloody know. Especially since I was once offered to take part in one with my girlfriend. Fortunately, I backed out because I decided I loved her and wouldn't ever do that to her.

So **** him and tell him to settle with what he can find on porn sites.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Oh noes.  This is my fault. I kind of wish I didn't let him know I was bisexual. Well, it was on my profile. He's the one that offered to let this girl he's know since HS to come along and get to know me. I guess I'm just not good at pointing out the obvious. It didn't seem like he wanted a threesome. I thought we were just going to his place to hang out and cuddle and watch a movie. There's no problem with guys being horny. lol It's their nature to be that way. I just don't want some crazy love triangle thing going on between us all. Then I'd have to end it. He told me he wants me to experience with a girl because he knows I know I've never done things with a girl before. He said he trusts this girl because he knows her well. I think that since he knows her so well, that they've had a thing with each other in the past and probably still do for all I know. I see how they talk to each other. He says he does it jokingly but it's hard for me to believe. Blah, this is what I get for driving an hour away to his house one night to go see him. We always meet halfway but I drove an hour to go see him because I knew it would be worth it. This is what I get in return. I guess it just shows I'm not good enough. I really don't know.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

shelbster18 said:


> Oh noes.  This is my fault. I kind of wish I didn't let him know I was bisexual. Well, it was on my profile. He's the one that offered to let this girl he's know since HS to come along and get to know me. I guess I'm just not good at pointing out the obvious. It didn't seem like he wanted a threesome. I thought we were just going to his place to hang out and cuddle and watch a movie. There's no problem with guys being horny. lol It's their nature to be that way. I just don't want some crazy love triangle thing going on between us all. Then I'd have to end it. He told me he wants me to experience with a girl because he knows I know I've never done things with a girl before. He said he trusts this girl because he knows her well. I think that since he knows her so well, that they've had a thing with each other in the past and probably still do for all I know. I see how they talk to to each other. He says he does it jokingly but it's hard for me to believe.


Your fault? No, it's not. He would have just found some other excuse.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

it does seem like this is heading in the sexual experimentation direction more than the long term monogamous relationship direction. i don't know though, different people are different. sex early on in a relationship does seem to confuse people...


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Sacrieur said:


> Your fault? No, it's not. He would have just found some other excuse.


I think he keeps making up excuses. It seems that way to me. I was having a good day today because all of us were meeting up in a hotel room. He wasn't planning on a threesome. He said it was for all of us just to get together. He sits at the table in the room and wants me to get on the bed with her. He goes outside to talk on the phone or whatever while I'm talking with her for like thirty minutes. He comes back in and she knows something's wrong with him. He had to take her back home early and I thought he was coming back to the hotel room because he paid for the night or at least I thought he did.

So I waited and waited. Turns out, he was having a bad day and didn't want to ruin it with me and her. I don't know the reason why he didn't come back to the hotel room with me. I was just laying on the bed crying my eyes out and went to the store to buy something while I was waiting on him. I came back to the hotel room for a few minutes and finally gave up. I called him on the phone and he said he was at his house. I was crying a little while I was on the phone with him, too. Told him I was leaving in an angry tone. I was so upset and just said, "Bye." And he was like, "Bye" back. That's it. I get no text back or nothing. I think what he was really doing was taking her somewhere to **** her. I'm just so upset. I have a job interview at Subway Saturday and I'm just really going to be a ****ing wreck when I go up there.  This whole relationship thing keeps me motivated. I think that's how I got the interview. Now, I don't know what to do. If I break up with him and get this job, I'll just be miserable because I'll just have a ****ing job and get all stressed without some guy to be with. I don't think I'll have time for dating once I have a job. *sigh*


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

You definitely need to be more firm about boundaries I think. Not meaning to come off as blunt, but you're not really sending the right message jumping into bed with the both of them. Despite the fact you are bisexual and attracted to her as well, the fact still remains that the romance should be kept sacred and shared between two individuals, and you can effectively guarantee with 100% efficacy that things will become complicated in said scenario, even if you've only been getting on for a few weeks. Lay the correct framework first, otherwise things fall apart later.

Moreover, going by your reaction, I'd say you haven't given any especial attention to the emotional ramifications of making such allowances. Perhaps you ought to deliberate a little more next time. Hope it turns out okay/


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

hesitation marks said:


> You definitely need to be more firm about boundaries I think. Not meaning to come off as blunt, but you're not really sending the right message jumping into bed with the both of them. Despite the fact you are bisexual and attracted to her as well, the fact still remains that the romance should be kept sacred and shared between two individuals, and you can effectively guarantee with 100% efficacy that things will become complicated in said scenario, even if you've only been getting on for a few weeks. Lay the correct framework first, otherwise things fall apart later.
> 
> Moreover, going by your reaction, I'd say you haven't given any especial attention to the emotional ramifications of making such allowances. Perhaps you ought to deliberate a little more next time. Hope it turns out okay/


I hate bluntness because it makes me feel like ****, especially on a support forum for anxiety. So...yea. I don't see how it's my fault that I was getting into bed with her. He told me to and he's my boyfriend. She wasn't even naked. We were just hanging out today. So I guess I'm the one that's not making it clear? I'm not the one who put myself in this situation. I guess technically I did but please don't be blunt to me and make it sound like I'm doing something wrong. I'm going through a lot.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

I agree with what crimeclub and Sacrier said, Shelby. I think your bf has ulterior motives. I hope you will protect yourself.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

shelbster18 said:


> I hate bluntness because it makes me feel like ****, especially on a support forum for anxiety. So...yea. *I don't see how it's my fault that I was getting into bed with her. * He told me to and he's my boyfriend. She wasn't even naked. We were just hanging out today. So I guess I'm the one that's not making it clear? *I'm not the one who put myself in this situation. *I guess technically I did but please don't be blunt to me and make it sound like I'm doing something wrong. I'm going through a lot.


No need to get defensive. If you're refusing a decent attempt for someone to give what they believe to be solid advice because you don't like what you're hearing, then that's not my issue.

Edits* Furthermore, I just wanted to take a moment to revise the absurdity of what's in the bold. So you're basically saying you made a conscious decision to do something, and went ahead and did it, but you had no control over it? Have you considered consulting an exorcist per chance?

Ugh whdbdgabdkfigj, my brain hurts at trying to make any level of sense out of your response.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

That other girl is his side chick watch out


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

hesitation marks said:


> No need to get defensive. If you're refusing a decent attempt for someone to give what they believe to be solid advice because you don't like what you're hearing, then that's not my issue.
> 
> *Edits* Furthermore, I just wanted to take a moment to revise the absurdity of what's in the bold. So you're basically saying you made a conscious decision to do something, and went ahead and did it, but you had no control over it? Have you considered consulting an exorcist per chance?
> *
> Ugh whdbdgabdkfigj, my brain hurts at trying to make any level of sense out of your response.


Oh don't be mean. Have you honestly never acted without thinking because someone you cared about told you to?


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

hesitation marks said:


> No need to get defensive. If you're refusing a decent attempt for someone to give what they believe to be solid advice because you don't like what you're hearing, then that's not my issue.
> 
> Edits* Furthermore, I just wanted to take a moment to revise the absurdity of what's in the bold. So you're basically saying you made a conscious decision to do something, and went ahead and did it, but you had no control over it? Have you considered consulting an exorcist per chance?
> 
> Ugh whdbdgabdkfigj, my brain hurts at trying to make any level of sense out of your response.


Oh boy. Here goes the defensive comment again. I was told by some meanie on SAS once that I was defensive and I had a good reason to be. I did not take that lightly. Don't see what's wrong with being defensive. If someone gets defensive, they usually have a reason for it. lol It's very rude and mean to talk that way to me. It's not like we had a threesome yet. You make it sound like what I did is the end of the world and that I'm a bad person for him luring me into a threesome. I'm trying to go by peoples' advice here to fix the problem then you come in saying all of that like I could have just easily backed out of it and getting all mad at me like I'm some ***** who didn't have to do it. -_- It might seem easy for you to do something like that but it wasn't in my experience. Different people are different. Plus, my anxiety kind of was making my head rush and couldn't really tell what was going on.

I was scared of offending the girl (note: I have anxiety and I worry about what people think or worry that I'll offend them) and saying no and of offending my boyfriend. I have a hard time saying no usually and I'm trying to slowly fix things. After reading all of this, I have started to realize that he was trying to get me into a threesome. It didn't seem obvious to me at the time because I'm confused by sexual stuff and hardly have any experience with it. I can see if it was something obvious like if he was taking off all her clothes and kissing her and asked me if I want to have sex with them. But it all seemed indirect to me. I can't help it if I can't read the signs. This is complex stuff to me. Hesitation marks, sorry if I'm not as smart as you. :blank I can't help it if I'm ditzy and get easily confused. Geez. I feel like hitting my head on a frickin' brick wall here. lol Oh, and yes. I'll just consult an exorcist anyways. See what he thinks. :yes

When I said he was playfully touching her, I guess there's no such thing as playfully touching someone you're attracted to. I couldn't imagine a guy touching his friend that's a girl like that even if they were just messing around. So I now realize that. The only difference between what he does with me and not her is that he kisses me and I guess me and him talk about personal stuff with each other. He even picked her up yesterday like he did with me. :/


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

Gwynevere said:


> Oh don't be mean. Have you honestly never acted without thinking because someone you cared about told you to?


No, unless you're counting the times when someone asked for a glass of water.


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

Thank jesus I'm not in a relationship. People in relationships seemed to be very confused, delusional and are more into love than into self-respect. No disrespect by this. I have taken a lot harder blows than that. It's just an observation. 

Sorry. Relationships don't workout unless people are upfront and honest. Doesn't sound like your boyfriend is, but then idk the whole situation sounds weird to me.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

guppy88 said:


> Thank jesus I'm not in a relationship. People in relationships seemed to be very confused, delusional and are more into love than into self-respect. No disrespect by this. I have taken a lot harder blows than that. It's just an observation.
> 
> Sorry. Relationships don't workout unless people are upfront and honest. Doesn't sound like your boyfriend is, but then idk the whole situation sounds weird to me.


I'm not into the whole relationships don't work out thing so I don't like hearing that. Not being hostile or anything to you. I'm just saying. I want one because we all have different wants and needs. No one person wants the same thing that someone else wants. And people deserve love. Just because someone doesn't think relationships are a good idea doesn't mean they should go and tell that other person what they want. I've had that happen to me before and it annoys me to no end. I try to put myself in peoples' shoes to understand them and I know some people have a hard time getting out of relationships because they don't want to be lonely or for other reasons. I am being honest with this guy. But only I know the full details so I have to go with my gut. I just don't want to be lonely. I've been on enough dates to the point where I just don't want to get rejected and want to see the same guy over and over. I have moderate standards. I'm not shallow or desperate and I feel like I really click with this guy. I'm just going to have to tell him what I want and that I don't want him touching her like that. It just worries me because not one person here has said anything good about him.  I'm just kind of aggravated with the whole dating process. If he keeps doing what he's doing, I hate to say it but I'm going to have to end it. :rain


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

shelbster18 said:


> I'm not into the whole relationships don't work out thing so I don't like hearing that. Not being hostile or anything to you. I'm just saying. I want one because we all have different wants and needs. No one person wants the same thing that someone else wants. And people deserve love. Just because someone doesn't think relationships are a good idea doesn't mean they should go and tell that other person what they want. I've had that happen to me before and it annoys me to no end. I try to put myself in peoples' shoes to understand them and I know some people have a hard time getting out of relationships because they don't want to be lonely or for other reasons. I am being honest with this guy. But only I know the full details so I have to go with my gut. I just don't want to be lonely. I've been on enough dates to the point where I just don't want to get rejected and want to see the same guy over and over. I have moderate standards. I'm not shallow or desperate and I feel like I really click with this guy. I'm just going to have to tell him what I want and that I don't want him touching her like that. It just worries me because not one person here has said anything good about him.  I'm just kind of aggravated with the whole dating process. If he keeps doing what he's doing, I hate to say it but I'm going to have to end it. :rain


I caught a few grammar errors in my post. Embarrassing...

---

Not one person here can say anything about your boyfriend besides you. None of us have seen this guy for himself. So in the end it's up to you. since many men are power hungry it's easy to make boyfriends look like sexual predators who are sociopathic; especially on this forum.

---

Yeah, I wish I wasn't alone sometimes, but hey, not much I can do about it. I've been on a few good dates. No call backs, no nothing. No matter how good I look or how confident I try to act I have nothing and no one. So what you're really saying is you don't want to be where I'm at. Bad stuff happens to me, and I'll have only two friends that say, "sorry, your mom killed herself." That's sad especially, how many people should know me.

I know you can't compare other people's hell, but yeah, well, hopefully that gives you more respect for the guys like me who are alone and make it through life alone. And i'd find it insulting if you'd just give up after you're done with a relationship.

No one "deserves" love. No one "earns" love. Love isn't "good" or "bad." It just is.

At least this is what a man would say after his heart has been broken one too many times.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

guppy88 said:


> I caught a few grammar errors in my post. Embarrassing...
> 
> ---
> 
> ...


Yep that's me


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

guppy88 said:


> I caught a few grammar errors in my post. Embarrassing...
> 
> ---
> 
> ...


Don't worry about the grammar errors. I'm not a grammar Nazi. Yea, it's sad but true. People always seem to think guys are just creeps (I hate that word when referred to people) or just whatever. It irks me. No one deserves to be called degrading terms like that. Unless a guy raped someone or something.

It sucks to hear all this. You try your best but you still don't get anything in return? :/ Do you want to talk about it in a PM? I'm sorry to hear all that. It sucks when people try so hard but still nothing comes out of it. :|...You're saying that only two people actually said sorry for your mom killing herself? *hugs* What a shame. I can't even imagine. I'm really not sure what else to say about that but sorry for your loss. If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears. Or just anything in general. I'm a good listener or try to be.

I do have respect for guys like that because I'm understanding and know the pain they're going through. Some guys would probably say that I don't know because I'm a girl but like I said, I try to put myself in peoples' shoes. It's just something I feel I should do to make myself as good a person as possible. I don't like seeing people miserable. It makes me sad. I wish one person could change the world but I don't believe in all that.

Dying lonely is one of my worst fears. It's like when people tell me I'm too young for a relationship or I don't need one or relationships aren't everything, it's like they're implying I should just die lonely. What do they expect? For me to have a job and work as hard as I can and still not have someone I can come home to and cuddle with and stuff? Cuddles are a great thing and they make me feel safe. It's all about perspective and what someone wants. Not what someone tells someone what they should or shouldn't want. I see plenty of people get encouragement for being in relationships and it seems like I never do. Not by my family I don't. Maybe I just notice all the people that don't give me encouragement for it that I don't think about the people who do.


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

My only advice about if someone is a good guy or not is this. If one person says he is a bad guy he is only human. If two people said he is a bad guy then he may have made some mistakes. If three or four more say he is a bad guy who actually know him then ditch him.


And I don't need the hugs lol, but thanks anyways.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

guppy88 said:


> My only advice about if someone is a good guy or not is this. If one person says he is a bad guy he is only human. If two people said he is a bad guy then he may have made some mistakes. If three or four more say he is a bad guy who actually know him then ditch him.
> 
> And I don't need the hugs lol, but thanks anyways.


Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here. 

That is good advice. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. Something else I didn't mention was that he's told me he's had a bunch of "psycho" girlfriends. I don't really know if that's true or not. It got me wondering that maybe they weren't the problem. Maybe it was him that just made them go insane because he probably did some things to make them that way. I don't know for sure if that's true or not because they probably were psycho. I don't really like using that term, either. I don't know anything about them because he hasn't said what they're like so can't make assumptions.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Gwynevere said:


> Oh don't be mean. Have you honestly never acted without thinking because someone you cared about told you to?


Yes. The difference is, I have known that person a heck of a lot longer than said timeframe and I trusted that person unconditionally.

Pretty sure I'll just let the rest go. Somehow being on a forum and giving support entails telling everyone what they want to hear in order to affirm their desires or to appease them. I've already encountered an array of individuals like this before, and if you clearly already have your mind made up, why ask others about what you should do and then become offended by it?


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

hesitation marks said:


> Yes. The difference is, I have known that person a heck of a lot longer than said timeframe and I trusted that person unconditionally.
> 
> Pretty sure I'll just let the rest go. Somehow being on a forum and giving support entails telling everyone what they want to hear in order to affirm their desires or to appease them. I've already encountered an array of individuals like this before, and if you clearly already have your mind made up, why ask others about what you should do and then become offended by it?


Oh, please. You don't understand. I'm looking for various kinds of advice but not someone giving me advice and being mean about it. :no This is an anxiety forum. You're supposed to give advice to people without coming off as rude. I haven't even had my decision made before making this thread. I don't know what you're talking about.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

You're looking for advice that suits you.

My original response was honest and blunt, however as objective as any other advice I would give in this place. If you want to take a reactionary approach to the advice offered, then I believe you are closing your mind off to widening your perspective, and thus diminishing the likelihood of your issues being resolved resolutely.

You made this thread with the intention of seeking advice, and if there was no blunt or honest opinions allowed, perhaps you should have stated that as a warning in the opening. That's all I have to say on the matter.


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## ev29 (Feb 12, 2013)

Hey,

I think from what you said about the hotel situation it sounds like he wanted you to start fooling around with the girl and then come in and join you/watch. And then the fact that nothing happened so he just left you there crying was basically s**t and I wouldn't put up with that if I were you.

It's your decision so I guess decide if you really like this guy and want to be in a serious relationship with him... but if you do want that and then get involved with this other girl then I really doubt he's not going to want to be part of it. 

I only skim read this so sorry if I've misinterpreted anything. But really think about what happened in the hotel. If I were you I wouldn't want anything else to do with him.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

hesitation marks said:


> You're looking for advice that suits you.
> 
> My original response was honest and blunt, however as objective as any other advice I would give in this place. If you want to take a reactionary approach to the advice offered, then I believe you are closing your mind off to widening your perspective, and thus diminishing the likelihood of your issues being resolved resolutely.
> 
> You made this thread with the intention of seeking advice, and if there was no blunt or honest opinions allowed, perhaps you should have stated that as a warning in the opening. That's all I have to say on the matter.


K. That's all I have to say. One letter.



ev29 said:


> Hey,
> 
> I think from what you said about the hotel situation it sounds like he wanted you to start fooling around with the girl and then come in and join you/watch. And then the fact that nothing happened so he just left you there crying was basically s**t and I wouldn't put up with that if I were you.
> 
> ...


He wanted to get me and her out of the house to go to a hotel and he was having a bad day because he told me he went 17 hours without his smokes. That's why he didn't really talk to me when we were in there I suppose. So...I don't know if that's why he was being like this. He yelled at me on the phone a bit and told me later that he was sorry and that it was because he didn't have his smokes. But either way, I don't think he should have reacted that way just because of his withdrawal symptoms from smoking or whatever. Well, he and her were leaving in his truck early because she had to go home early I guess. He said that I can't help it if I'm bisexual when I told him that I shouldn't have gotten involved in this whole bisexual thing. It's like he's insisting on me seeing her just because I'm bisexual and I don't want to now. I'd rather just be a friend with her and him not get involved with her and us have a threesome. I don't want that. He was going into all this weird stuff about how he'd meditate and be patient because he said he's jealous (he's the one that offered her to me) of her and me being together and that's how he wants to cope with it. But then again, what everyone else is saying sounds like he wants her, too. And like I said, you don't just touch someone of the opposite sex in a playful way. There's got to be sexual intentions behind that.

I texted him earlier saying that I didn't want him touching her and he ignored the text. I guess it's because he was busy working on his truck but he could have talked to me about it later and still hasn't. I'll just give an update like a couple days or whatever from now if anyone cares. I don't want to keep constantly posting in here. :S


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Marriage material.


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## cuppy (Oct 15, 2011)

Hi Shelbster~

It sounds like you're close to making up your mind. I'm just going to add what I think...

Oh, also, I made a list listing out the things he's done~ In case you were making like a pro/con list or something...though from what you've written here I don't really like what he's doing >_<

Okay, anyway:

*-He calls all his exes insane.* 　
When he talks like that about all (or at least the majority) of his past girlfriends, the problem is almost definitely him.
Why are they "psychos"? Because they couldn't stand his behavior and finally left? What kind of things is he saying about you behind your back? What if he tried this same "threesome" (>_<) thing with another bisexual girl? What if he's specifically targeting bisexual girls??! :eek (Okay maybe I'm thinking too much but you never know!! You met this guy on a dating site, yes?)

*-Does not seem to respect your feelings*
 -He touches and flirts with his ex, right in front of you
-He tries to make you do sexual things with someone when you really don't want to 
-He leaves you alone at a hotel while he drives his ex home...and doesn't come back... (._.)

*-He explains away his weird behavior (aka makes bull**** excuses)* (excuse the swearing)
-He denies there's ANYTHING going on between him and his ex when asked about it (though his actions say otherwise)
-He yells at you.... and later says it was because he hadn't been smoking&#8230; (?? what? is that a thing?)

From what I can see it sounds like he's telling you what you want to hear (the message that nothing is wrong, that he's a good guy and this is all just a weird misunderstanding), but then when you're (understandably) upset with his behavior, he makes up excuses and tries to make YOU feel bad for being upset.

I don't know, shelbster, I'm sure this guy says lots of nice things to you and makes you feel good, but it sounds like he's hurting you a lot and not considering what you want, or how you feel.

I hope you're okay :c

Also I wanted to say good luck with Subway!! 
I hope you're getting your rest now so you can nail that interview tomorrow!!

This post got really long :um 
I whittled down to half its original size, I swear! 
(just like I did with my eyebrows back in middle school)


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

cuppy said:


> Hi Shelbster~
> 
> It sounds like you're close to making up your mind. I'm just going to add what I think...
> 
> ...


Thanks for taking the time to post all that. I appreciate it hon. :3...Honestly, I don't think I really like her that way. :/ Not to sound shallow but she has a great personality and seems mostly nice but I'm just not attracted to her physically. >_< Usually, if I want to do something with a girl and just fool around (not that I ever have), I'm not into anything serious with being with a girl and mainly care about the looks. I know that sounds shallow but I think most girls are like that with other girls unless they want a relationship with another girl. And yes. All of what you said seems exactly like what's going on.

Unfortunately, I think he's trying to sweet talk me and he's manipulating me that way. I'm pretty sure that girl I've been hanging out with was his ex. He never said she was but that she's a friend but you never know. I can understand the yelling at me for smoking thing but it was disrespectful for him to do that when he just left me at the hotel and never came back. He wants me to meet his father and already told his parents about me.

And thanks.  I had my Subway interview today. It was only four or five questions. I was a tad nervous at first but it went more smoothly and he seemed friendly. I thought I did okay for a first interview. I smiled, dressed up nice, and greeted him. I did pretty much everything I think I should have done for the interview. I'm supposed to get a call Wednesday to see if I get hired. :S I have another interview and I'm going to go to that one as a back up interview just in case.

Eh, I don't want to be stuck in a relationship like this. I guess I'm just going to have to give the dating process another shot. T_T

Oops, forgot to mention. Yea, I met him on OkCupid.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Whew...all caught up.
First...Congrats on interview..best wishes on getting the job...very awesome. 

Now...here is a completely different take/possibility though it us very different from others' interpretation and they may be spot on.

Here goes...

Given that you've expressed your bisexuality, but haven't actually acted on it, it could very well be that he simply is anxious to push the issue to find out where you really stand.

Sure, he could want a threesome; it is a common fantasy.

But, he could also want a monogamous relationship with you and doesn't want to find out later that you've discovered that you actually prefer women more or even exclusively. 

Let's be fair...you've helped to create uncertainty that depressed people really don't want to have.

Could this also make sense?


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## cuppy (Oct 15, 2011)

shelbster18 said:


> Honestly, I don't think I really like her that way. :/ Not to sound shallow but she has a great personality and seems mostly nice but I'm just not attracted to her physically. >_<


That's perfectly fine, don't do anything you don't want to do.
I kind of wish we didn't have to put our orientation up on OkCupid, but I guess that's how they filter out the search results :? (Because I STILL think he might have been targeting bisexual girls.....again, maybe I'm overthinking)



> Unfortunately, I think he's trying to sweet talk me and he's manipulating me that way.
> ...
> He wants me to meet his father and already told his parents about me.


That's sounds like more of his sweet-talking!


> I can understand the yelling at me for smoking thing but it was disrespectful for him to do that when he just left me at the hotel and never came back.


Right??? Who does that???
You don't need some guy yelling at you for no reason. Run away and don't look back~



> And thanks.  I had my Subway interview today. It was only four or five questions. I was a tad nervous at first but it went more smoothly and he seemed friendly. I thought I did okay for a first interview. I smiled, dressed up nice, and greeted him. I did pretty much everything I think I should have done for the interview. I'm supposed to get a call Wednesday to see if I get hired. :S I have another interview and I'm going to go to that one as a back up interview just in case.


Oh wow, that sounds a LOT better than my first interview :lol Good job, glad it went so well  
There's a subway nearby my home, maybe I'll apply there too.
Good luck for your next interview 



> Eh, I don't want to be stuck in a relationship like this. I guess I'm just going to have to give the dating process another shot. T_T


I know you'll be better off without this guy. I'm sure you'll meet people through work or...do you go to school? Anyway, I want you to find someone who loves you and respects you 

Okay bye :squeeze


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## cuppy (Oct 15, 2011)

KyleInSTL said:


> Sure, he could want a threesome; it is a common fantasy.
> 
> But, he could also want a monogamous relationship with you and doesn't want to find out later that you've discovered that you actually prefer women more or even exclusively.


I suppose it's possible.. 
But in this case he found her on a dating site where her orientation was openly listed. If he wanted someone who was only interested in males, he would have searched for ladies who listed themselves as "Straight."


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Oh...didn't know that info...makes more sense now. Thanks. 

Snafu


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

cuppy said:


> That's perfectly fine, don't do anything you don't want to do.
> I kind of wish we didn't have to put our orientation up on OkCupid, but I guess that's how they filter out the search results :? (Because I STILL think he might have been targeting bisexual girls.....again, maybe I'm overthinking)
> 
> That's sounds like more of his sweet-talking!
> ...


Yea...lol I should probably change it. I can't help that I'm bisexual but maybe it would be better if I just put it as straight.

Me, him, and his dad are supposed to go out to eat and see a movie together. He wants me to meet him or at least that's what he said. One day, he told me he'd let me come to his house to help him cook with his parents there but that never happened. After my Psychiatrist appointment like a couple of weeks ago, I was supposed to see him after because he said for sure he'd be able to then said he was stuck at work. The one day I wanted it to just be me and him.

I told him that I was sorry for yelling at him, too. Guess I'm just feeling guilty.

Ah, thanks. Sweet. =) You should apply there. We can be Subway buddies. :high5 Thanks. 

I'm not going to school now. School's out for the summer. Can't go during the summer anyways because I have to do an interview to even get into this program I'm going into for my major for Fall. :S I'm halfway through with school. I hope I get in. If not, I'll just change my major. But when I do go back to school, I'll just quit my job or something because I couldn't handle school and work. That would leave me no free time at all. D: Meeting guys at work? :idea I didn't know I could do that.

Aww, don't go cuppy.  I'm joking.

When I read monogamy, I kept thinking in my head polygamy for some reason. My brain isn't wired right. xD lmao So I was confused and about to reply to that. Haha.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Bring another guy into bed next time you guys a watch a movie and see how he reacts.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Bring another guy into bed next time you guys a watch a movie and see how he reacts.


Make sure the guy looks better than your boyfriend too so he gets jealous


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Where did you meet this guy? Why were the three of you cuddling at his house in the first place(that's pretty unusual)? Why are you meeting up in a hotel room, with an additional girl, after only being in a relationship with him for a few weeks? It sounds borderline dangerous to me, unless you knew him for a long time before getting involved.



shelbster18 said:


> I think he keeps making up excuses. It seems that way to me. I was having a good day today because all of us were meeting up in a hotel room. *He wasn't planning on a threesome. He said it was for all of us just to get together. He sits at the table in the room and wants me to get on the bed with her.*


:no

It seems pretty clear to me from what I've gathered so far; he wants to watch two girls have sex(or have a threesome).


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

jsmith92 said:


> Make sure the guy looks better than your boyfriend too so he gets jealous


Nah, that would be wrong. xD I did tell him that I wouldn't mind if he found a guy to do things with but I wouldn't get involved because I'm not into the whole threesome thing. He's straight, though.



probably offline said:


> Where did you meet this guy? Why were the three of you cuddling at his house in the first place(that's pretty unusual)? Why are you meeting up in a hotel room, with an additional girl, after only being in a relationship with him for a few weeks? It sounds borderline dangerous to me, unless you knew him for a long time before getting involved.
> 
> :no
> 
> It seems pretty clear to me from what I've gathered so far; he wants to watch two girls have sex(or have a threesome).


I met him on a dating site and from this thread, I found out the reason why all of us were cuddling together was because he wants to have sex with us both. He told me he wanted us to meet in a hotel room to "hang out and just do normal stuff". So I went with him and thought that's what it was. He asked me out on the first date and I said yes because I thought we clicked and I wasn't going to take that for granted. I did however, at first tell him that maybe we should just keep getting to know each other but he seemed to really like me so I thought, "What the hell. Shouldn't give up this chance." When we meet in person and we're just hanging out doing normal stuff, he just seems like a nice and friendly, goofy guy. You just never know about people. :/ I can't meet people in real life unfortunately. It doesn't work that way for me and I'd want the guy to come up to me if a guy was to ever come up to me in real life. That never happens.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

shelbster18 said:


> Nah, that would be wrong. xD I did tell him that I wouldn't mind if he found a guy to do things with but I wouldn't get involved because I'm not into the whole threesome thing. He's straight, though.
> 
> I met him on a dating site and from this thread, I found out the reason why all of us were cuddling together was because he wants to have sex with us both. He told me he wanted us to meet in a hotel room to "hang out and just do normal stuff". So I went with him and thought that's what it was. He asked me out on the first date and I said yes because I thought we clicked and I wasn't going to take that for granted. I did however, at first tell him that maybe we should just keep getting to know each other but he seemed to really like me so I thought, "What the hell. Shouldn't give up this chance." When we meet in person and we're just hanging out doing normal stuff, he just seems like a nice and friendly, goofy guy. You just never know about people. :/ I can't meet people in real life unfortunately. It doesn't work that way for me and I'd want the guy to come up to me if a guy was to ever come up to me in real life. That never happens.


Maybe thats a reason not to use dating sites again?


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Rich91 said:


> Maybe thats a reason not to use dating sites again?


But I need to. It's the only choice I have. :/ I don't want to be lonely forever and no guys would ever come up to me in real life. It's never happened.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

shelbster18 said:


> But I need to. It's the only choice I have. :/ I don't want to be lonely forever and no guys would ever come up to me in real life. It's never happened.


Fair enough then

Just don't let that guy dick you around too much


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

Shelby, did you have to pay for the hotel room in the end?

My take on this is that he wants to watch you and his girlfriend, for that's surely what she is, do sexual stuff together.

Also, I can't believe you even spoke to him again after he went off with his girlfriend and left you in the hotel! Come on girl, where's your pride?


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

shelbster18 said:


> But I need to. It's the only choice I have. :/ I don't want to be lonely forever and no guys would ever come up to me in real life. It's never happened.


Same here. Meeting people online is the only option for some of us. :b


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Serephina said:


> Shelby, did you have to pay for the hotel room in the end?
> 
> My take on this is that he wants to watch you and his girlfriend, for that's surely what she is, do sexual stuff together.
> 
> Also, I can't believe you even spoke to him again after he went off with his girlfriend and left you in the hotel! Come on girl, where's your pride?


No, I didn't have to pay for the hotel. lol She said that he's her wingman, trying to help her find a girl to move on. It sounds like she's using me.

I know. I know. :/ That was my mistake. >_<



mezzoforte said:


> Same here. Meeting people online is the only option for some of us. :b


Ha, exactly. Not everyone can meet people in real life.

Well, once you go on a first date with someone, then they are in real life but that's a whole other thing. xD


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Rich91 said:


> Maybe thats a reason not to use dating sites again?





shelbster18 said:


> But I need to. It's the only choice I have. :/ I don't want to be lonely forever and no guys would ever come up to me in real life. It's never happened.


Why don't you try meeting someone on SAS?


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

arnie said:


> Why don't you try meeting someone on SAS?


lol xD No. The closest anyone would live to me is two hours away and that would be in Atlanta. I couldn't handle the long distance thing. ;o I drove to Waynesboro, Georgia to go see this guy and he lives like an hour away from me. We would always meet halfway (30 minutes away from each other). So an hour to get there and back is almost two hours total and that's just like going to Atlanta. I couldn't imagine driving to Atlanta and back. xD


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Wow, that's a really strange situation to be in. You're probably the best judge though. If you like him maybe continue to see him a bit longer, and if he tries anything else like this you will know drop him. Don't give up on on-line dating! There's gotta be some good ones out there, just keep trying. I mean, it can't get much worse than this D:



shelbster18 said:


> At least I got to hug her and cop a feel of her boob. That's the closest I've ever done anything to a girl since I haven't had a friend in almost a decade.


At least there was a silver lining that came out of this really strange situation :b



shelbster18 said:


> she's just like a sister to him and there's nothing going on between them.


If that was true, he wouldn't have been in bed with her/trying to get her to be sexual with you.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Cam1 said:


> Wow, that's a really strange situation to be in. You're probably the best judge though. If you like him maybe continue to see him a bit longer, and if he tries anything else like this you will know drop him. Don't give up on on-line dating! There's gotta be some good ones out there, just keep trying. I mean, it can't get much worse than this D:
> 
> At least there was a silver lining that came out of this really strange situation :b
> 
> If that was true, he wouldn't have been in bed with her/trying to get her to be sexual with you.


I guess it can't any worse than this or maybe it can. ;o I don't know.

I vented to my sister about all of this while I was driving her home from somewhere else. She thinks the same exact thing as everyone else on this thread. lol And she said she'd set me up with a guy if I want that. I don't think that's a good idea because all the guys she's ever been with were douchebags. ;___; If she does set me up, I'll just tell her to find me a sweet guy. I didn't think she'd even do something like this for me. But she told me it's my decision if I still want to stay with this guy but he's a goner.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, there was this other guy I dated in late February that's in an open relationship and I messaged him on OkCupid telling him that I at least wanted to just be friends with him and told him that I'd understand if he didn't want to talk to me again because I kind of acted a little messed up when I was dating him. I didn't get a message back. :/ It would have been nice to be this guy's friend. I think I pissed him off.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

shelbster18 said:


> I guess it can't any worse than this or maybe it can. ;o I don't know.
> 
> I vented to my sister about all of this while I was driving her home from somewhere else. She thinks the same exact thing as everyone else on this thread. lol And she said she'd set me up with a guy if I want that. I don't think that's a good idea because all the guys she's ever been with were douchebags. ;___; If she does set me up, I'll just tell her to find me a sweet guy. I didn't think she'd even do something like this for me. But she told me it's my decision if I still want to stay with this guy but he's a goner.
> 
> And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, there was this other guy I dated in late February that's in an open relationship and I messaged him on OkCupid telling him that I at least wanted to just be friends with him and told him that I'd understand if he didn't want to talk to me again because I kind of acted a little messed up when I was dating him. I didn't get a message back. :/ It would have been nice to be this guy's friend. I think I pissed him off.


Lol, as lame as this will sounds - I think most people meet their SO in unexpected ways. You say online dating is your only option, but who knows?Online dating is good if you don't take it too seriously. My approach is to just start random conversations with people and see where it leads, rather than directly looking for dates. Either way, at least you're actively trying, from what I've seen on here. Maybe it will finally pay off soon 

Wow, I did something very similar to that. It was someone I very briefly dated, but I was terrible due to sa/avoidance... I messaged her like 3 months later hoping we could be friends, and she was really offended. Bummer you got no response, being ignored is by far the worst.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

Cam1 said:


> Lol, as lame as this will sounds - I think most people meet their SO in unexpected ways. You say online dating is your only option, but who knows?Online dating is good if you don't take it too seriously. My approach is to just start random conversations with people and see where it leads, rather than directly looking for dates. Either way, at least you're actively trying, from what I've seen on here. Maybe it will finally pay off soon
> 
> Wow, I did something very similar to that. It was someone I very briefly dated, but I was terrible due to sa/avoidance... I messaged her like 3 months later hoping we could be friends, and she was really offended. Bummer you got no response, being ignored is by far the worst.


I've heard that a lot of people do meet in unexpected ways. So maybe I'll meet some really nice guy in real life. I just want to find someone before I'm in my late 20s. If I don't find anyone by the time I'm in my early 30s, I'll give up. lol I guess that's negative thinking. Okay, I'll try that approach I guess. Haha, I've gone pretty far in the dating world. It's one of my accomplishments and I'm proud of myself for getting out there and meeting new people. Some experiences were nice but most of them were just bad.

Awww, sucks to hear Cam. :/ You're such a friendly person. I can't believe she'd get offended by that. Was it because she liked you and you just avoided her because of your SA? It does suck getting ignored. *hugs* I remember you telling me you were dating or was it that you were in a relationship with a girl? And you said it was complicated or something.

I was intimidated to message this guy to let him know I wanted to be his friend but I always get this positive mindset telling me to just do it. I won't just initiate with a guy on dating sites but if it's someone I've dated and was interested in me and things didn't work out, well it's not as bad. The worst thing is that you won't get a message back. :/ But it still sucks when you get no message. It's hard to ask for a friend I guess. I met him five times so I'm honestly surprised he ignored me. I told this guy I have SA and no friends and he told me I'm still an awesome person. I don't get why he ignored me.  He said he liked that I'm shy and he said he wishes he was shy. One thing that made me really interested in him in the first place.


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