# I'd like to talk to you guys about the social anxiety challenges i'm doing



## wontdelete (Aug 10, 2017)

So let me start off by saying that i've always felt like i'm playing life on hard mode. I know people have it worse and i'm not trying to give y'all another sob story, I have just always talked unconfidently and had low self esteem. Ever since i've been doing these challenges I have felt stronger. At the same time, they are the most grueling thing i've ever done.

I'll go through the days i've done:

"Call a random business and ask for a movie recommendation"

"Stop 3 strangers and ask them for directions"

"Stop 3 strangers and ask them to take a pic of you"

"Fistbump/highfive 5 random people in passing"

"Ask for directions from someone on their phone or with headphones"

"Compliment 3 strangers"

"Learn 3 facts about someone in conversation"

"Ask 3 people what their greatest fear in life is"

"Ask 2 strangers for advice about one of my current problems:

"Ask 3 strangers for a compliment" By far my hardest one so far. It took me walking around my city for a total of 6 painstaking hours for me to work up the courage.

"Do pushups in 3 public locations"

"Put on heaphones and sing loud enough to be heard 3 times. For 10 seconds each"

Theres about 16 left and they're only going to get harder from here. I've gotten mostly positive responses when I confided in friends that i'm doing these. They tell me i'm brave. But one friend called me crazy for doing these and to be honest it still stings because it's really not for fun.

I swear I hate to come off as a weird person but I got fed up with myself and how shy I am and seeked these challenges out. On one hand they're the best thing i've chosen to do, on the other my anxiety is pushed to its limit. I hope this inspires others to fight what's holding them back. Don't avoid it, fight it head on, with fire.

I'd like some thoughts on these and honestly, I could really use some support. I want to finish the next 16 days but i'm scared of losing momentum and giving up.


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## Sasseth (Mar 25, 2018)

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## wontdelete (Aug 10, 2017)

Sasseth said:


> Hey keep it up, and it's REALLY REALLY important to transform anything you are ashamed, embarrassed or feel uncomfortable about, into a NEUTRAL or PLEASURABLE feeling. For example you might be scared or embarrassed of being and standing in public, talking, showing weakness, even THINKING, the way you walk, any emotions you are feeling, etc. That's what you should transform into a Neutral or Pleasurable feeling just like that with your mind and you will already feel better, and then proceed to what you are going to do.
> 
> If you are scared of some actions, then do the same. Earlier today I did something similar, but I just went to talk with someone just like that for no reason.. and yeah I will go back there and outside to talk with a lot more people about anything and I might try new things like you like doing push ups stop people to ask them for something, etc.
> 
> You can listen to my advice if you want to it is up to you sorry if you don't like it! And yeah I also already sang outside sometime let's keep it up. I will subscribe to this thread because it's like a challenge and those challenges keep pushing us higher.


I totally agree with you man, thanks! When you give yourself some of the tasks above at first you doubt your ability and then after completing it, you feel like it's easy. I'm giving less and less of a f*** about others thoughts. Glad you're working like me, we're taking big steps 

Btw just to keep this thing updated, yesterday I went to 3 clothing stores, put on some ridiculous clothes and asked someone if I looked good. Lots of laughing

Today I asked 3 strangers their opinion on something and then respectfully disagreed. This one is mostly to show you you're not a doormat.

I've got about 12 left


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## Sasseth (Mar 25, 2018)

wontdelete said:


> I totally agree with you man, thanks! When you give yourself some of the tasks above at first you doubt your ability and then after completing it, you feel like it's easy. I'm giving less and less of a f*** about others thoughts. Glad you're working like me, we're taking big steps
> 
> .


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## Shaoi (Apr 22, 2018)

wontdelete said:


> I totally agree with you man, thanks! When you give yourself some of the tasks above at first you doubt your ability and then after completing it, you feel like it's easy. I'm giving less and less of a f*** about others thoughts. Glad you're working like me, we're taking big steps
> 
> Btw just to keep this thing updated, yesterday I went to 3 clothing stores, put on some ridiculous clothes and asked someone if I looked good. Lots of laughing
> 
> ...


Very brave, and impressive! What about your bad days, btw? I often feel that when I've managed to gather enough courage and motivation to do something, it doesn't take long until depression and stuff like that hits me again. I understand we're probably not in the same situation, but it would be interesting to hear if you're mostly happy nowadays so it's easier for you to do these things or if you're doing them despite many very bad days and no motivation?


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## wontdelete (Aug 10, 2017)

Shaoi said:


> Very brave, and impressive! What about your bad days, btw? I often feel that when I've managed to gather enough courage and motivation to do something, it doesn't take long until depression and stuff like that hits me again. I understand we're probably not in the same situation, but it would be interesting to hear if you're mostly happy nowadays so it's easier for you to do these things or if you're doing them despite many very bad days and no motivation?


My friend, I think we're more alike than you think. This is a good question because yesterday was a very bad day. I was lethargic and could barely leave my house. I skipped my challenge which was to ask 3 strangers for a favor. I told myself that i'm just embarrassing myself and being a weirdo. I had to remind myself that these are for me and nobody else.

The ones coming up really scare me. On day 20 i'm supposed to tell 3 girls they look cute. I don't have to ask them out or anything. I've never wanted a PUA persona or been into that cold approach sh*t but this is all towards the bigger picture. I believe I have the ability and once you jump that hurdle the fire in you grows. It can be covered up for awhile but it won't get smaller again. I didn't think I could do 90% of these challenges until after I did them but I pushed through the pain. If it doesn't scare you, it won't change you.

Sorry if I went off on a tangent. I'm still mostly unhappy. I won't bs you. But I know i'm working on myself and in turn this stuff is making me pick up other good habits. I'm going to the gym, seeing a personal trainer. I'm waking up at 6am everyday. I'm cooking my own healthy meals. And I finally found a good therapist. I'm not striving for perfection. I'm striving for better than now.

I've always had self-esteem issues. And the bad days you mentioned are still rampant. Trying to accept them. Maybe i'll even like myself someday. But i'm fighting and that itself feels good.


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## Jimma (Feb 15, 2016)

You are very brave. I will keep following this thread and your struggle towards self-improvement.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Good on you, man.


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## wontdelete (Aug 10, 2017)

Really appreciate your support guys.

Another update

I had to ask 3 strangers for a favor so I asked 3 people to hold my water bottle while I tied my shoe

Then I had to make 3 conversations as awkward as I could. This meant adding a lot of "uhhhs" and "umms" and not making eye contact. It was ridiculous but it did show me how hard it can actually be to force yourself to be awkward.

I hit a wall.

I'm up to the one where i'm supposed to call 3 girls cute. No need to even ask them out. It's been 3 days and I haven't gotten myself to do it yet. I'm determined to get this one done. Even if I have another 100 failures i'll be happy if I get this one done on my 101st try.


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## Shaoi (Apr 22, 2018)

wontdelete said:


> My friend, I think we're more alike than you think. This is a good question because yesterday was a very bad day. I was lethargic and could barely leave my house. I skipped my challenge which was to ask 3 strangers for a favor. I told myself that i'm just embarrassing myself and being a weirdo. I had to remind myself that these are for me and nobody else.
> 
> The ones coming up really scare me. On day 20 i'm supposed to tell 3 girls they look cute. I don't have to ask them out or anything. I've never wanted a PUA persona or been into that cold approach sh*t but this is all towards the bigger picture. I believe I have the ability and once you jump that hurdle the fire in you grows. It can be covered up for awhile but it won't get smaller again. I didn't think I could do 90% of these challenges until after I did them but I pushed through the pain. If it doesn't scare you, it won't change you.
> 
> ...


''If it doesn't scare you, it won't change you.'' is extremely true. Well said. I think you're already doing so well, even if you hit a wall recently you still proved to yourself that you can do these things out of will and courage, so I have no doubt you can do the day 20 challenge sooner or later as well. As people have said before you're very brave, I admire you a lot! For even trying. And it's important to remember we all have bad days, that way they don't feel like a failure in the same way I think. You're inspiring and makes me feel a little more optimistic as well.

Will keep following this thread. And I also want to say, if you feel like you're failing don't hesitate to update, no one will judge you I'm pretty sure. At least I wont! Sometimes when we feel like we've failed and don't want to show other people it can be the best time to reach out for support.

PS: People generally respond very well to compliments, so telling girls they are cute will most likely be a positive experience.


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

These kinds of challenges really do help you get used to interacting with other people. Doing this will also help you care less about what others think of you. It's nice when you make yourself do something silly or weird in public and then you realize it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. Anxiety creates negativity in the mind, but you can understand that these thoughts are just your brain messing with you. When you know it's all in your head, it can make you feel better because now you know what the problem is. 

Some anxiety is so severe that it's impossible to ignore the negative thoughts, but a lot of times you can combat your anxiety by learning to change the way you think. I have done things like this before like talking to a certain number of strangers or smiling at girls. This really helped because I discovered that most people are very friendly. It also helped me be more confident and when you appear more confident, people will be attracted to you a lot more than if you look insecure.

Simple things like waving, saying hello, and smiling can change the way people see you and maybe make you some friends. Getting out of your comfort zone is so important in life in order to grow as a person. If you never take the leap and try something that scares you, you very well might regret it later in life. I've found that doing these challenges usually ends up being a positive experience. If someone does act rude to you, chances are they are unhappy with their own life. There will always be mean people in the world, but once you stop letting other people affect your happiness, you'll easily forget about the jerks. 

So yeah I recommend that everyone try this even if you don't have bad anxiety. It'll help you become more comfortable with people and you won't be afraid of being judged by others. Truly not caring about what people are thinking about you is really freeing. You're the one in control of your life not anyone else.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

wontdelete said:


> So let me start off by saying that i've always felt like i'm playing life on hard mode. I know people have it worse and i'm not trying to give y'all another sob story, I have just always talked unconfidently and had low self esteem. Ever since i've been doing these challenges I have felt stronger. At the same time, they are the most grueling thing i've ever done.
> 
> I'll go through the days i've done:
> 
> ...


My opinion?

****ing magnificent.

Can I ask a few questions?

1. Where did you find these challenges?
2. Is the exposure value transferring into other areas of your life? 
3. How much has your anxiety improved as a %?

I have done exposure, but nothing to this level. If all goes smoothly with what i am planning life wise, I might have a month or two to spare with little to do, so might be tempted to have a bash at this.

And don't ever give a **** if other people say negative stuff about this. It's brave as **** for a person without social anxiety tbh, amazing for someone with it.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

Keep it up! See it as a game to make life more interesting!
Be stubborn and do not bash yourself in the process!


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## I can live through this (Apr 20, 2018)

Wow. Keep it up and good luck! I actually think it might be helpful for me too. I never considered challenging myself with such tasks (some in your list might be considered socially weird I think, like high-fiving strangers, but if you're capable of doing something like that to combat your anxiety you're braver than the average person)


I think I'll try doing some of those this week. Thank you for this


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## Skygrinder (Nov 30, 2017)

That's great actually. 

I think I might give "Call a random business and ask for a movie recommendation" a shot. I'm terrified of calling for a job, but if I'm calling for something random like this, it might be easier.


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## UlteriorMot (Jul 8, 2018)

Imo, freaking amazing. Keep going


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## HiddenFathoms (Jul 18, 2017)

wontdelete said:


> So let me start off by saying that i've always felt like i'm playing life on hard mode. I know people have it worse and i'm not trying to give y'all another sob story, I have just always talked unconfidently and had low self esteem. Ever since i've been doing these challenges I have felt stronger. At the same time, they are the most grueling thing i've ever done.
> 
> I'll go through the days i've done:
> 
> ...


Your friend didn't understand and so they said something thoughtless and unfeeling. If they did understand? They would cheer you on because you are a warrior. Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's fighting through things that scare us. You are very brave.

One thing I really like about some of these things is that they put the focus on thinking about others. Anxiety/depression can make us selfish because we are so concerned about our own thoughts and comfort. It's so good to be thinking about other people and practicing how to be genuinely interested in them.

All the exercises sound challenging but productive. I wish you the best with this and hope you will update.


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