# lots of sex!



## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

Catchy title, aye? I'll keep this strictly PG-13 so the mods don't throw a fit.

Could someone please tell me if this is reasonable or not?

Background: my girlfriend and I live about 2 hours apart (me, Cincinnati OH, her, Louisville KY). We're both students. We typically spend weekends together in Louisville at her place, being that I live at my parents' house for the time being.

Yesterday evening, we go up to Dayton to see Disturbed play a concert. I have class at 10AM the next morning, her at 9AM. For the midwest-geography-challenged, Dayton is about an hour north of Cincinnati (making it a three hour drive from Louisville). Anyhow, we meet at my house in Cinci, drive one car to Dayton, and come back to Cincinnati. It's about midnight at this point and we're both pretty tired.

The orignal plan is that she is going to drive back down to Louisville. I tell her that I don't think she should make the drive, being as sleepy as she is. We go out to IHOP and drink a bunch of coffee. She still looks like she's about to pass out at any time. Eventually, I convince her that since I don't want her to die, she should spend the night at my place... apparently she's okay with skipping her first class or two. We go back to my house. She wants sex. I tell her that I just want to sleep... it's 2AM now and I have to get up before 9. Okay, fine.

So, we get up the next morning (today) around 9. She's all hugging and kissing and stuff. I try to get up to take a shower a couple of times but fail. Eventually we get up. Nobody's home except us (remember, we're at my folks' house). She starts telling me that we should have sex now. I tell her that I want to take a shower and go to class. She tells me that I should skip my first class so we can screw. I tell her that I already missed it on Monday, due to me spending the night in Louisville with her last Sunday/Monday. She starts telling me that if I thought she was pretty I'd have sex with her, blah blah blah. I tell her this is BS, take my shower, and we leave for our respective destinations (her, Louisville, me, school).

Now she's apparently mad at me because I wouldn't have sex with her.

Does this make any sense? This sh*t happens all the damn time. Apparently if I don't want sex for any reason, it's because I don't love her and think she's ugly.

Hmm.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

if youre missing out on classes you shouldnt be cutting things so short

also- theres no such thing as no time for sex! sex is like jello. theres always room...or time in this case


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

You are stronger than I, I would've skipped class lol!


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

sex is nasty


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

"Not tonight, honey, I have a headache".

She has an insecurity. Only she can resolve that.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

Wow. If it was me, I would have skipped class. lol


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## striker (Jun 20, 2008)

Dude, if you want to keep the relationship going strong, then you need to take care of this. The title says 'lots of sex'?? I don't see any by your description of what's happening.
As a guy, you have to take the lead in making it happen, cause ultimately, if it doesn't happen you will get the blame. 
It seems reasonable for your gf to expect it happen atleast once a week.


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## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

striker said:


> Dude, if you want to keep the relationship going strong, then you need to take care of this. The title says 'lots of sex'?? I don't see any by your description of what's happening.
> As a guy, you have to take the lead in making it happen, cause ultimately, if it doesn't happen you will get the blame.
> It seems reasonable for your gf to expect it happen atleast once a week.


LOL yeah... we usually end up _averaging_ sex once per day despite only spending a few days a week together. :lol


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## IDK (Jan 16, 2009)

nubly said:


> theres no such thing as no time for sex! sex is like jello. theres always room...or time in this case


yup.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

First off... you went to Dayton, the home of Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard, to see Disturbed.  

Second, you actually get to have sex. I haven't in almost four years. Be happy someone is mad that you didn't have sex with them


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## rocky (Oct 14, 2006)

With all that's wrong in my own life, there's very few times when I wish I had someone else's problems. This is one of those rare cases, and for that I salute you sir. :nw


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Hah. I would probably call her crazy and dump her. Honestly, school is important after your first or second year of college, and ... I'm pretty sure in this case your girlfriend SHOULD understand that, assuming she's over 18... There's a certain point you have to hit adulthood, and that means not giving into every childish craving or passion at every moment or whining that you're not pretty enough. It's all really petty. Chances are, with a gf like that you guys aren't going to last. So you have to ask yourself which is more important, the sex to make her shut up about her insecurities, or pursuing your academic studies? Which are going to get you much farther in life.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

This thread didn't deliver anything I was promised. I don't know how I can possibly go on now. 
My own obvious grievances aside, I say she's being unreasonable. School is more important than pooning. Theoretically, anyway.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

This is RIDICULOUS! You wouldn't skip class to have SEX with your GIRLFRIEND!!! Why you should be ASHAMED of yourself!! What a horrible wretched boyfriend you are! 
Sounds like to me this chick is a bit immature and putting her needs before yours. She's the kind of chick who'll drop out or graduate with a 2.0 because she skipped too many classes, she's wasting whoever's money is footing the bill. Better off skipping the nookie to go to class.
Keep going to class and don't give in to her [email protected]


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Watch****
Okay, there has been bragging about how much sex one gets, how much there is lack of, the average in between, the issue behind refusal, the problem with second guessing and even reading someone's mind, which can't be done.

This thread is going to go in circles.

If the warning goes up, somebody's getting infracted. I recently had to issue one for a very similar thread.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

hyacinth_dragon said:


> This is RIDICULOUS! You wouldn't skip class to have SEX with your GIRLFRIEND!!! Why you should be ASHAMED of yourself!! What a horrible wretched boyfriend you are!


:lol


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I agree with millenium here. She has an insecurity.

Going on about how you're turning her down because she isn't pretty enough is ridiculous. It screams insecurities. You are an adult, and being an adult means having responsbilities, like actually attending class.

Don't feel bad about turning her down, stand firm in the fact that school is a priority in your life and you cannot change everything in your schedule just to cater to her every whim. Relationships are about give and take, not whining about looks and pointless arguments.


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## immortal80 (Feb 25, 2009)

ok, this is what i think. i think there is more to not wanting to have sex than the class excuse. there is definitely a deeper reason, and if i had to guess, it is that your feelings are not very strong towards this girl. not just because of the fact that you didn't have sex with her, but because of the fact that you didn't say anything about reassuring her of her insecurities.

if you really feel that strongly about school and you were too tired at 2AM to have sex, then you need to ease her fears about why you didn't want to have sex. i think that even a girl that didn't have insecurity issues would have a problem with how you dealt with the situation. that's just my opinion.

i think i could sacrifice at least an hour of sleep to have sex with the girl i loved.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

immortal80 said:


> ok, this is what i think. i think there is more to not wanting to have sex than the class excuse. there is definitely a deeper reason, and if i had to guess, it is that your feelings are not very strong towards this girl. not just because of the fact that you didn't have sex with her, but because of the fact that you didn't say anything about reassuring her of her insecurities.
> 
> if you really feel that strongly about school and you were too tired at 2AM to have sex, then you need to ease her fears about why you didn't want to have sex. i think that even a girl that didn't have insecurity issues would have a problem with how you dealt with the situation. that's just my opinion.
> 
> i think i could sacrifice at least an hour of sleep to have sex with the girl i loved.


Yes, I agree with this.


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## IDK (Jan 16, 2009)

I bet all the people that say 'school b4 sex' are females irl


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

immortal80 said:


> if you really feel that strongly about school and you were too tired at 2AM to have sex, then you need to ease her fears about why you didn't want to have sex. i think that even a girl that didn't have insecurity issues would have a problem with how you dealt with the situation. that's just my opinion.


I think turning down sex once or twice shouldn't be a cause for alarm for either guys or girls. Exhaustion or class are perfectly acceptable reasons.

I agree with you if this was a constant thing. I mean if I got turned down on a regular basis week after week from a boyfriend or something like that I would start to be concerned (for the record, I'm female). But for just one day, I don't think she should get so upset. Everyone isn't in the mood all the time, she should realize that and not be hurt by the odd raincheck.

It does seem she was somehow offended though, unfortunately.


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## immortal80 (Feb 25, 2009)

person86 said:


> Does this make any sense? This sh*t happens all the damn time. Apparently if I don't want sex for any reason, it's because I don't love her and think she's ugly.
> 
> Hmm.


well, maybe it does happen all the time according to the op. either way, my position is that from the way this poster is talking about the issue, i just get the feeling that he isn't very enthused in general about having sex with his girlfriend, which is definitely a sign of some other issue he is facing within their relationship.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

IDK said:


> I bet all the people that say 'school b4 sex' are females irl


Haha, wouldn't surprise me in the least! But in which case, we must be right! If females usually say work before play, then this girlfriend must be confused when she wants a boy to stop his life to have sex with her for a single morning.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Part of being an adult is being responsible. You had to go to class, so you were being responsible.

It sucks that she was upset, but those are her issues and I don't think you were being unreasonable.

My advice: Wake up a little earlier next time and - ahem! - take as much time as you need to make everyone happy. :evil

(And seriously, Disturbed? :wtf )

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

BeNice said:


> First off... you went to Dayton, the home of Guided By Voices/Robert Pollard, to see Disturbed.


*CLAPS*

Robert Pollard is god.

/The end.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Cerberus said:


> Well, I'm jealous.


You know, I worked really hard to help you build that harem. Why aren't you using them? :wife

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Speratus (Jan 24, 2009)

Were it me I would have done both at the same time (shower and other things...) alas, it wasn't.

As for her complaining about not getting, I would understand the complaint if it was simple disappointment, but from the way you describe it my guess would be one of two things.

1.) Insecurity Issues.
2.) Playing Mind games.

Note that my opposite sex experience is HIGHLY limited (just starting to figure some small details just now) but I wouldn't look into it too much. I would just overlook it and shrug it off for the time being. Repeated situations like this though...


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Right! How could we forget sex _while_ you shower? Just make sure you put a shower mat down. You could have been like "look, I think you're beautiful, but you're pretty dirty, let's have a shower" She couldn't find that insulting, could she? And that's when you hand her a blow dryer and say you're going to class. No hurt feelings. Brilliant.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

person86 said:


> Does this make any sense? This sh*t happens all the damn time. Apparently if I don't want sex for any reason, it's because I don't love her and think she's ugly.


1. I'm sure a lot of people are reading this in shock, hearing that there are times men don't care to have sex even when it's offered up to them on a silver platter because they have something else they must do.

2. She seems very insecure if she needs sex on demand to validate her.


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## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

Rather pathetic sounding on her part.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

UltraShy said:


> 1. I'm sure a lot of people are reading this in shock, hearing that there are times men don't care to have sex even when it's offered up to them on a silver platter because they have something else they must do.


Imagine that?!?! :lol
We immediately get called impotent or even homosexual for that kind of refusal.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

This makes me angry and frustrated, not at you person86, just in general, at the world, life. I would give my left arm (well, not literally, but you know what I mean) to just have sex for the first time, and there are guys out there who are literally turning girls away.:sigh:rain:x:doheyes:|:roll


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## Amalia (Feb 27, 2009)

I just cant get rid of the feeling that you are trying to brag about it here, well we envy you for your situation and girlfriend, is this what you wanna here young grasshopper?


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Oh, don't envy someone who is in a shallow relationship. Ungh. I'd be running out the door of that relationship in a heartbeat!


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I don't think that is what he is doing Amalia. It's not as enviable a problem as you might think. Always having to assure your girlfriend you think she is pretty and love her sounds exhausting.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Amalia said:


> I just cant get rid of the feeling that you are trying to brag about it here, well we envy you for your situation and girlfriend, is this what you wanna here young grasshopper?


Predictable and ridiculous. The grass isn't always greener, you know. :roll

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

There's more than a hint of the flip side of a double standard here. Men are relatively more "free" from social scorn regarding sex, but that freedom can morph into a sort of obligation. Reverse the genders in this case and see if it plays the same.


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## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

Wow. Lots of posts!

To respond to some comments...

In no way was it my intention to brag about getting sex on a regular basis. All things, even interesting things, become routine after awhile. You're honestly not missing out on a whole lot if you're not getting it. Sex is good, but so are sleep, school, food, sanity, etc. It's not worth giving up too many of these things for one.

Yes, Disturbed. We both liked them in high school and had never seen them live. While it was a good show, the sheer number of high school aged goth-******** (remember, this was Dayton) was overwhelming.

I think Speratus hit the head on the nail. Insecurity and mind games. I think she frequenty wants sex not because she actually wants it, but because she thinks I should want it if I love her / think she's pretty. Oh well.

Thanks guys.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Kelly said:


> Part of being an adult is being responsible.
> Have a nice day,
> Kelly


darn skippy. next time just have the sex and take in caffeine to stay alert. thats the responsible thing to do


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I am from Dayton and have never heard of those people :stu.


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## Linus (Mar 1, 2009)

Tell her she needs to respect you and not force you to have sex just as you wouldn't force her to have sex with you.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I would have had the sex in the shower. It would have got two things done at once, lol! 
I'm kidding! 

I had issues with a boyfriend not wanting me to go to school so I get why that would make you aggravated. She definately has insecurity issues.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Sounds a little insecure to me she does.
Though, I would have skipped class, I do think school is more important than sex. At least, most of the time.


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## ncislover (Mar 8, 2009)

Iced Soul said:


> Sounds a little insecure to me she does.
> Though, I would have skipped class, I do think school is more important than sex. At least, most of the time.


ditto....but just wondering if you turn her down a lot? if so, that might be what caused her blow up - not saying YOU caused it, just saying being turned down a lot could have caused her to think maybe she is not attractive to you...only thing i could come up with for her "pretty" comment. if this is the case, you might nedd to have a heart to heart with her.


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