# Dating - Are men or women more picky?



## shy-one (May 10, 2008)

When it comes to dating, do you think men or women are more picky in their selection criteria? Personally I think women are far more picky. I've noticed that one of their highest criteria is wealth, closely followed by appearance. However, these days they are being more clever about it and disguising it with phrases such as "I want a man who is ambitious" = I want a rich man. A lot of women will say "ambition isn't about money, its a personality trait". Yes it is, but coinsidently enough this personality trait is usually associated with wealth, and they know this. 

Then there is the classical "I want a man who is tall dark and handsome".


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Women....bu this is going to turn into a gender debate.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I agree with milleniumman this is going to deteriorate sooo fast.

I'm going to sit on the fence and say about the same. It really depends on the person. I've met lots of women who are pretty laid back about it, and lots of guys too. I've also met the women who want the aforementioned money and looks, and guys who won't date women below a certain cup size.

So I don't think you can group all women or all men together like that, it all just depends on the individual. Both can be incredibly picky.


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## holtby43 (Jan 1, 2008)

About the same.



Perfectionist said:


> guys who won't date women below a certain cup size.


 :spit Seriously? I've never heard of that. That's absolutely ridiculous.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Yep. He had a whole list of requirements, listed out in little subsections. A: Hair B: Chest C: Style and so on. It was pretty impressive.

So as I said, I think it can go both ways.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

Yeah i'm just the one to turn this kinda topic into a debate... so i'll leave it alone... even though it we all know it would be the women since society gives them the privilege of being able to pick and choose among all the confident and aggressive guys who pursue them one after the other.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I thought you were leaving it alone?

Does it really matter how often you are asked? If you are very specific about what kind of mate you want, you are going to turn down those that don't fit your requirements whether 1 or 35 of them ask you. I think so, anyways.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Men


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> Women....bu this is going to turn into a gender debate.


:ditto

Seen this kind of thread before. Of course, all the guys are going to say that women are picky and vice versa. :yawn


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Boy howdy! I'm going to regret getting into this one, but anyway.....


shy-one said:


> I want a man who is ambitious = I want a rich man


I won't speak for other women, but I do find ambition attractive, and it's not at all synonymous with wealth. When I think unambitious, I think of someone who does their meaningless 9-5 job, comes home and watches t.v. Someone ambitious, on the other hand, is interested in improving themselves, has goals, wants to be respected, and wants to make a difference in their community or line of work. Really, this could be a poor guy working for an NGO, or a high school teacher, not one who owns a ferrari. 


Conquistador said:


> society gives them the privilege of being able to pick and choose among all the confident and aggressive guys who pursue them one after the other.


I have so many things to say to this!
-First off, women do *not *have dozens of wonderful men (and for many, many, many women, any type of men at all) "pursuing" them. Where does this idea come from? From movies? From women bragging (and exaggerating) about it? 
-Second, there's the idea that it would be some privilege to be passive, and just have men come to you. I don't like this idea- sitting around waiting for a man to either notice you, or pass you by?? Letting others take the lead while you just wait for something that may never happen? Just as I would rather be expected to be smart rather than stupid, strong than weak, bold than timid, I would rather be an active participant in control of my own life, and not someone passively dependent on others. 
-Finally, certain women do attract more attention than others. These women are friendly, outgoing, have a wide social circle, are confident, are flirty, are not afraid to show interest, and yes, take care of their appearance. Being born with good genes is an advantage, but these women will constantly be overlooked in favour of the flirty ones who work very, very hard to be noticed. Looking a guy in the eyes, smiling, then putting your hand on his knee, takes just as much courage as saying "Hey baby, can I get your number?" 
Really people- we're not a different species. I think men and women should sympathize with each other's problems, and realize that as human beings, we're a lot alike.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'd say "About the Same" - We're all picky for varying reasons and we all have our "types". It's not gender-unique.

Broke a three-way tie.


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## shy-one (May 10, 2008)

jane said:


> Boy howdy! I'm going to regret getting into this one, but anyway.....
> I won't speak for other women, but I do find ambition attractive, and it's not at all synonymous with wealth. When I think unambitious, I think of someone who does their meaningless 9-5 job, comes home and watches t.v. Someone ambitious, on the other hand, is interested in improving themselves, has goals, wants to be respected, and wants to make a difference in their community or line of work. Really, this could be a poor guy working for an NGO, or a high school teacher, not one who owns a ferrari.


Seriously, what is wrong with a man that has a "meaningless" 9-5 job? There is nothing wrong with the simple life. If he can support himself then what is the problem? If money isn't the issue, then why do you care if he is ambitious or not? Why do you care if they don't want to "improve themselves"? How does this affect you? It an esteem issue so it only affects the man himself, not anyone else (including you).

If a man was an activist doing volunteer work (and was poor), would you be interested in him? An activist doing volunteer work is "ambitious".



> -First off, women do *not *have dozens of wonderful men (and for many, many, many women, any type of men at all) "pursuing" them. Where does this idea come from? From movies? From women bragging (and exaggerating) about it?


No he's right. It is well known that generally men have to approach women for a date. Women are very lucky in this regard, which is why dating is so much easier for them.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Dating is not "easier" for women...the old, and I might add very tired, debate on who has it "easier".....

Its amazing to me that men think they have some great insight on what its like to have be a woman. You have no clue. No more than I do about what its like to be a man. Dont presume that anything is 'easier'.

Cant we just say both sides have their issues and leave it at that??


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## shy-one (May 10, 2008)

It definitely is easier for women when it comes to dating, and I see proof of this all the time. A woman just has to get dressed up and walk into a bar/club, by the end of the night she'll have a list of phone numbers she gets to choose from. 

I also once did an experiment on a dating site. Created two profiles, one male, one female. By the end of the day the female profile was flooded with messages from guys. The male profile didn't receive a single message. 

And there there is the attitude from women. I have asked women if they would ever ask a guy out and most of them respond "no, its the mans job to ask a woman out". This further proves my statement.

I see you're 39? This may be why you think its no easier for women. At your age yes its probably equally as hard for both men and women. However up until the age of about 30, women are at a huge advantage when it comes to dating. The only other way that would make dating harder for women under 30 is if they had a child. If a woman under 30 has a child then they are even more disadvantaged than the average man when it comes to dating.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I haven't really discussed this with women, but I have run into many guys that have tried to explain how hard they all have it when it comes to dating and how we women can just sit on any bench and have wonderful guys flock to us. When I comment, they never seem to acknowledge that yes, while some women expected guys to do the initiating, the whole scenario and ease of dating can totally vary on an individual level. I haven't met many guys that are open to discussion on this issue, it's often no, this is correct, case closed.

I find this a turnoff, as I really don't like being shot down and having my opinion disregarded just because I am female. As a result, I would be less likely to date them. Maybe it's just me, but I find that rather ironic.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand, we're pretty much even on the pickyness poll. It would be interested to see how many women vs. men have voted to make it such.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

millenniumman75 said:


> (...) this is going to turn into a gender debate.


Bingo!


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