# Can't get past acquaintance with people...



## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

It's been so long since I've had a friend, I don't even seem to remember how to get past the acquaintance stage, in fact I don't even think I've ever had to get past that stage, because the only friends I had were friends from elementary school and now they're gone. There is a couple people at my work that I would say I've become acquaintances with, but no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to break the barrier to become their friend. I've got their number, I've added them on facebook, yet the only time we seem to talk is when we pass each other at work. I know getting someones number or adding them on facebook, hardly makes them a "friend" but, I feel like these people have the potential to become my friend, I just have no idea how to go about it..

At least they acknowledge my existence.. I guess that's a plus. I don't think I can ever get past the acquaintance stage with these people or anyone in general it seems :|


Anyway, just venting my frustration for my lack of friends.

Does anyone else have a lot of trouble when it comes to trying to make friends and get past that stage where you are actually friends?


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## Vilanelle (Jul 22, 2013)

Yeah it just takes some practice
(and some balls)


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## Saius (Jun 13, 2014)

I have the same issue. I usually get to know the people at work pretty well even, I just can't figure out what I have to do to get to know someone beyond being at work. I had the same issue with school... I talked to a lot of people. I had a lot of good conversations, and most people I seemed to meet or talk to really liked me. It seems like the only people I seem to befriend are people who have TONS of friends, so they just "pick me up" and I become close.


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

Just ask them to hang out sometime outside of work. It might be a good idea to ask a group of them for happy hour somewhere {or something similarly casual and laidback}, so it's less pressure.

Workplace happy hours, BBQs, etc. are pretty normal, at least in the offices I've worked in. So it won't be awkward if you organized one and it would be a good way to get to know people outside of work.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

Saius said:


> I have the same issue. I usually get to know the people at work pretty well even, I just can't figure out what I have to do to get to know someone beyond being at work. I had the same issue with school... I talked to a lot of people. I had a lot of good conversations, and most people I seemed to meet or talk to really liked me.* It seems like the only people I seem to befriend are people who have TONS of friends, so they just "pick me up" and I become close.*


That's true for me also, the only people I'm close to at work is this girl who has befriended pretty much every single person at our work, and she just picked me up also, yet I don't feel I've become close with her at all, she just seems to have put me in her "circle" and that's as far as that goes. We went to the bar once, with her and some other coworkers, but after that it seems like she doesn't really care to hang out with me again. :blank



allthatsparkles said:


> Just ask them to hang out sometime outside of work. It might be a good idea to ask a group of them for happy hour somewhere {or something similarly casual and laidback}, so it's less pressure.
> 
> Workplace happy hours, BBQs, etc. are pretty normal, at least in the offices I've worked in. So it won't be awkward if you organized one and it would be a good way to get to know people outside of work.


I never thought about doing something like that, that could be a pretty good idea, I went out to the bar on my birthday, and my coworker invited pretty much every other coworker but only 3 people showed up, I don't want to set up something up then end up disappointed if no one shows up, that'll be a big slap in the face.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Talk about more personal topics or invite them out to do something after work. Get to know them beyond surface interests or what they did that weekend. Remember what's important to them.

I can make friends, I just attract a lot of messed up people and those in need. Complete strangers have approached me with their problems on more than one occasion or after half an hour of talking, so it's not like there's much to pick from when it comes time to get close.


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

jesse93 said:


> I never thought about doing something like that, that could be a pretty good idea, I went out to the bar on my birthday, and my coworker invited pretty much every other coworker but only 3 people showed up, I don't want to set up something up then end up disappointed if no one shows up, that'll be a big slap in the face.


That is rough. But the low turn-out could be because it was your birthday, so the coworkers that you aren't close with might have felt awkward coming. Or the place/time might have not worked for a lot of people.

However, if you're organizing a low-key happy hour {or another event} for everyone, more people might feel inclined to come. Also, make sure to run the idea past a few coworkers, to gauge what times/days are best for other people's schedule.

I don't know the general demographics of your office but everyone has different schedules, so try to pick a time and place that is convenient for most people.


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## jais (Sep 15, 2012)

-


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## ginger12 (Sep 30, 2014)

jesse93 said:


> ... I just can't seem to break the barrier to become their friend. I've got their number, I've added them on facebook, yet the only time we seem to talk is when we pass each other at work. I know getting someones number or adding them on facebook, hardly makes them a "friend" but, I feel like these people have the potential to become my friend, I just have no idea how to go about it..
> 
> Does anyone else have a lot of trouble when it comes to trying to make friends and get past that stage where you are actually friends?


Yes I have this trouble all the time! Sometimes I think it's because even though I'm being friendly, people still say "you're quiet" - even when I feel like I made the effort to talk more and make little jokes. So I think they might not realize that I'm interested in making closer friends. We go out as a group from time to time, and I'll go then, but I don't have a friend I could just ask to go to the mall or see a movie with.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Yeah, I find it hard to get past this stage myself. I would recommend trying to invite them out to something outside of work, but do it when you feel comfortable and feel like your conversations and things at work are going somewhere.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Talk to them and try to find the things you have in common and go from there. Or find out what interests them and steer the conversation there sometime.

You can't go full friend with everyone but hey


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## Anti depressant (Jan 29, 2011)

I've had this problem for a month but I think I just broke it. I have lots of friends back at home but at graduate school it's been hard for me to make friends. I've expressed this problem to a classmate of mine whom I hang out with after class on a regular basis after class while we wait for the train. She lately was asked by some other classmates to go to the bar after class, so I didn't hang out with her, but, she asked me if I wanted to come and I told her next time I would. 

Just like that-- I may have an opportunity to do something with her and with other people out of class now. I think sometimes it just happens... so... you gotta keep moving forward. If something doesn't work out, then, it doesn't work out. If it does, then it does. Sometimes it takes longer for certain people than others.


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## Jon85 (Sep 21, 2012)

I feel that I am at about pretty much the stage as you Jesse. I am able to get along with most people that I chose to superficially. Consisting mostly of greetings, small talk, an occasional short conversation. But I have trouble making any real lasting connections with people. I feel I have many acquaintances and zero real friends.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

yea idk i have the same problem


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