# How I Overcame Social Anxiety Disorder



## CuddlesTheKitten (Dec 31, 2011)

I just joined this board today.

I didn't notice most of the other forums previously, or how they are laid out, so please forgive me for posting redundant material.

First I will explain my history with SAD (Social Anxiety), before I get to how I pretty much have been delivered from it.

I was diagnosed as kid with clinical depression, and prior to that, as a toddler, I remember being painfully shy.

I saw a few counselors along the way, I saw psychiatrists as a teen and adult, and took anti depressant medications, none of which helped me with the SAD, panic attacks, or depression.

(After years of taking pills for depression, I stopped doing so. I also stopped seeing psychiatrists.)

I was also very introverted my whole life and avoided fights (verbal and physical) whenever possible.

Confronting people always scared me, so I avoided it if possible.

I did not feel free to express my true opinions openly and freely to people in person or on the phone, nor did I feel comfortable disagreeing with people.

I was always afraid of making people angry, so I felt I had to hide my true self from them, so I would not speak up or offer opinions to people.

With other people, I felt if they could see the "real" me, they would think I'm a loser and would reject me if they got to know me, so I would not open up to people (not usually).

The shyness and depression lasted into my adulthood, until a couple of years ago.

About five or more years ago, I was doing some research online and discovered that my severe form of shyness is called S.A.D. (Social Anxiety Disorder).

It was not the ordinary sort of shyness the almost everyone experiences, as it was hindering my ability to live life - to go on job interviews, get dates, etc.

It was not just a fear or public speaking, but it went beyond that to impact almost every other area of my life.

I avoided people and social situations as much as possible, so that I would not feel stressed or have panic attacks. I was always afraid of being judged or embarrassed.

About two years ago (after something traumatic happened to me - long story), I began looking up the topic of *codependency* on the internet and read many pages about it.

I also ordered and read a few books about codependency by therapists.

I discovered that my depression and in large measure, my S.A.D., was rooted in codependency, or caused by codependency.

The books (and web pages) explained and defined what codependency was and how to deal with it and conquer it.

If you begin reading up on codependency yourself online, be aware that some of the material may not completely pertain to you. Don't get discouraged by that.

Keep reading different web sites about the subject until you find ones that fit you and your situation more closely.

Some of the material on codependency is aimed at people who are codependent because they come from an alcoholic family or marraige, which was not true for my situation. So not all the content or advice on those pages applied me, but others did.

(I would give links to some of the pages about codependency I found helpful, but placing links in posts here sends the post into moderation queue, so I do not want to do that.)

To sum it up as short as I can, being codependent means you are a doormat. Some people call codependency "people pleasing."

Being codependent means that you permit other people to use or abuse you - and codependents do this for many reasons, including, but not limited to:

1. you don't feel lovable or valuable, and you may feel ashamed of yourself or your flaws; you feel defective and that you are not "normal," you are not like other people;

2. you are afraid to stand up to people (because they might abandon you, reject you, or cry, or get angry at you);

3. you feel guilty saying "No" to people or feel guilty or selfish if you defend your boundaries;

4. you were taught by your parents (or someone along the way) that your needs and feelings are not important at all (or not as important as other people's)

Once I read articles and books about codependency and how to be healed of it, most of my depression and SAD went away.

My problem was largely with codependency, *not* with the SAD or the depression; it was the codependency that was _creating_ the SAD/depression.

I still sometimes struggle with issues, but nothing like before. I consider myself pretty much recovered from SAD / depression. I'm still dealing a bit with the codependency, though I'm working on that.

I thought maybe this might help someone else.


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## nlisamtsas (Jan 3, 2012)

*codependancy*

thanks this is interesting. whats the best book that helped you the most?


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

subs


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## TiredOfAnxiety (Mar 8, 2011)

Very interesting read! I applaud you for your triumph over SAD. I also overcame SA but now that I look back at it I figured out that most of my problem (90%) was self esteem related. It is important for people to figure out exactly whats causing their SAD and start battling it.


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## BKrakow (Jul 8, 2010)

I'm glad to hear that you were able to identify your problem and overcome it. I know it can be very difficult to diagnose yourself because a lot of the symptoms of depression, codependency, social anxiety, general anxiety, and even things like ocd and add overlap. I've read about codependency before because I wondered if I may be suffering from it as well, but for some reason the symptoms never clicked with me, or maybe I just felt like it couldn't apply to me because I'm not in a relationship with an addict or anything like that, which a lot of info on codependency focuses on (as you pointed out).

this definitely resonates with me, though:



CuddlesTheKitten said:


> To sum it up as short as I can, being codependent means you are a doormat. Some people call codependency "people pleasing."
> 
> Being codependent means that you permit other people to use or abuse you - and codependents do this for many reasons, including, but not limited to:
> 
> ...


I'd like to know more about how you actually overcame this. because even though I've identified some of these issues within myself it's still very hard to change them. I've definitely improved a bit and hate the thought of letting myself be used, but even so I still have some issues with it (like feeling guilty for hours or even days over saying "no" to someone, sometimes feeling unlovable, etc.)

were you able to heal yourself this just by reading and learning more about it, or did you need therapy? what kind of practical steps did you take to overcome your codependency (like, did you have to practice saying no to people or being assertive in other ways?)? I hope you post again because I'd be very interested to hear more!


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## ecgta3 (May 29, 2010)

CuddlesTheKitten said:


> My problem was largely with codependency, *not* with the SAD or the depression; it was the codependency that was _creating_ the SAD/depression.
> 
> I still sometimes struggle with issues, but nothing like before. I consider myself pretty much recovered from SAD / depression. I'm still dealing a bit with the codependency, though I'm working on that.
> 
> I thought maybe this might help someone else.


I know this is an old thread but I have recently stumbled upon the topic of *codependency* myself and have been exploring it in the same way it pertains to the OP's circumstances, and I can't help but agree that this is the cause of a lot of people's S.A. and depression.

Social anxiety and depression could possibly be the symptoms of a greater problem, and is probably why so many people cannot over come it, they're trying to cure the symptoms while ignoring the root problem.

Codependency is indeed a term whose definition is clouded by its various forms of existence and is not well very well documented outside of drug addiction.

I think that there is a large portion of people with SA that have codependency issues caused by growing up in *oppressive households* or that had an *unstable attachment with their parents growing up*. If this sounds like you, I'd recommend looking into it.

Shockingly there is very little talk of codependency as it pertains to SA on these forums or anywhere else for that matter.

It looks like our good friend Cuddle's the OP is long gone and is enjoying his/her new found life as a result from his/her discovery, but not before having graciously dropped these concepts on this and other threads, hopefully more people will find them


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