# Question (women preferably)



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've been dying to know this lately and I think it's a fairly reasonable question to ask...

Why do girls wear tank top shirts that show their cleavage if they don't want you to look? Is it what they like to wear? Is it comfortable? Or is it that they want attention? Please be honest (girls preferably). I ask this because I work at Chipotle and I see it all the time when women come to the line; they wear these shirts that show cleavage but some will cover up with a hand or a jacket when they order. It drives me crazy not because I want to look but because it's like why the heck are they wearing that in the first place if they don't want anyone to see!? Please clarify this for me...

Another question: should I look? Does it really matter? Ladies, how would that make you feel?

Please don't lock this thread. I think it's a reasonable question. Let's keep it appropriate. Thank you.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

Or maybe they really want you to look...?


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## etka (Jul 17, 2009)

lol


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Your question is reasonable. Hopefully this discussion won't get crazy.

I find there's a difference between someone taking a glance at a body part and outright staring at it. I'm not offended if somebody takes a look at my butt, for instance, but I feel uncomfortable being stared at in any context.

Some women are just larger chested and have a hard time finding clothes they like that don't show any cleavage. Some women's self-esteem is tied to the attention they receive while wearing low-cut articles of clothing. Some women just wear what's comfortable, and tank tops are mighty comfortable, especially in the summer.

I get that lots of men are appreciative of the female form. I don't see anything wrong with that. However, I think it's important to remember that even if a woman _seems_ like she's asking for attention, she may not be.

Maybe the women you see covering up their chests have been oggled/leered at earlier in the day, and they are worried it will happen again. A lot of women don't see cleavage as a big deal, and are surprised and made uncomfortable by some of the attention it receives.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

pita said:


> Your question is reasonable. Hopefully this discussion won't get crazy.
> 
> I find there's a difference between someone taking a glance at a body part and outright staring at it. I'm not offended if somebody takes a look at my butt, for instance, but I feel uncomfortable being stared at in any context.
> 
> ...


Yes, but it still begs the question: if it makes women uncomfortable to wear clothes that reveal cleavage why do they do it? I honestly doubt that a woman doesn't know when she picks out a shirt to wear that day that her breasts won't be shown in them, and so it's a choice. I find it a tad insulting when a woman covers up when she wears shirts like that because it's basically saying I'm just going to be gawking at her boobs like I'm a pervert, but in all reality I feel way uncomfortable staring and sometimes glancing because I think they will think I'm some creep or pervert. So once again, why do some women wear that if they don't want to be looked at? Ridiculous. I think some may do it for their boyfriends/husbands and that's fine however. I also think your last paragraph makes a lot of sense regarding the subject.

Thank you for your comment.


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away."


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I would think certain tank tops in the summer would keep the breeze flowing so there's a practical application for busty gals but even then there are ones to be found that aren't made to say "I've got a lot & I want you to see".

I agree this is a legit question but I think it's answer is likely to the individual gal or circumstance. For example the shyer gal who is out with her girlfriends & dresses to match but feels insecure with the attention garnered as a result(so she tries to cover up some at the counter), I can see that happening on occasion.

Anyway, I'll leave this to the gals again, just a little something to consider


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

At the risk of sounding like a pig, I would like to submit that a tasteful amount of cleavage is perhaps god's greatest gift to humanity.


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## Indigo Flow (Oct 3, 2009)

because they want you to look, just don't make it too obvious if you do.

Well that's what i think anyway


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

zookeeper said:


> "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away."


Seinfeld!


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

bwidger85 said:


> Yes, but it still begs the question: if it makes women uncomfortable to wear clothes that reveal cleavage why do they do it? I honestly doubt that a woman doesn't know when she picks out a shirt to wear that day that her breasts won't be shown in them, and so it's a choice. I find it a tad insulting when a woman covers up when she wears shirts like that because it's basically saying I'm just going to be gawking at her boobs like I'm a pervert, but in all reality I feel way uncomfortable staring and sometimes glancing because I think they will think I'm some creep or pervert. So once again, why do some women wear that if they don't want to be looked at? Ridiculous. I think some may do it for their boyfriends/husbands and that's fine however. I also think your last paragraph makes a lot of sense regarding the subject.
> 
> Thank you for your comment.


nahh. i don't think you should take offense to it. i pull up my shirt if i'm leaning or standing in front of anyone in that position, regardless of gender or creepiness. but sometimes, depending on the situation/person, i make extra sure that i'm not showing too much to avoid any judgments such as, i am trying hard to attract the person or that i'm seeking attention.

from my experience - i like shirts that show my collarbone/upper chest since i think they frame my face better. shirts/dresses styled that way generally look nicer and more flattering on me. a few can go low enough to show cleavage depending on how i am positioned. there might be other reasons i liked and bought the shirt, and ended up wearing it that day. i don't put it on expecting/hoping everyone to gawk at my chest, in fact once it's thrown into my regular rotation of clothes it doesn't really cross my mind as i'm getting dressed. if i wear it and someone glances i don't really care but it's just awkward when you are having a conversation with someone and they are talking to your chest. and that can happen without showing cleavage too.

it's hard to make breasts completely invisible anyways  for some, more than others.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I would second everything pita said. I am really tiny built, and even I have trouble finding tops that aren't too revealing sometimes. They will be ok if I'm standing completely upright, but if I have to lean forward and such, more gets exposed (obviously). I can't imagine how difficult it would be for women who are actually built to try to find shirts that cover them up completely.

That said, some girls seem to clearly have them on display, and it would be a bit annoying if suddenly they were all "Oopsy hehe don't look there." I don't think that excuses staring at them, but when a girl has them out there, it's pretty hard not to notice. I myself admire girls occasionally. There's this one girl in my class, and when she wears this particular shirt, her cleavage looks amazing. I can't help but look, but I try to do so very subtly and when she isn't looking my way. If I was wearing a shirt that was revealing, I wouldn't get upset if people glanced there, but outright staring would make me feel uncomfortable and dirty.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Someone mentioned something that it's a popular fashion choice for women. Now that I think about it, if a woman wants to dress for anything but a regular t-shirt I suppose tank top shirts are the norm after all. If I'm correct, that clears up a lot of stuff for me


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

zookeeper said:


> "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away."


You go blind like it's a solar eclipse!

Um, my eyes are up here, thank you! :lol


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

Maybe I could answer this question if I *had* cleavage, haha. :b


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I don't know why they do it but I sure do like it!


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

i have quite small breasts so this usually isn't an issue for me unless i'm wearing a push-up bra. most of the time i'm wearing something that could be considered revealing is because it's too hot for a t-shirt.

i'm also not that bothered if i see someone perving. i know i do it myself sometimes so i can't really complain.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Kinda related, but why wear skirts in the freezing cold? I've seen it too many times.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

^ You're talking about the female equivalent of the "shorts man." :lol Don't you remember "that guy" back in school who wore shorts year-round? Actually, I do know one "shorts woman."


'Fraid I can't answer your tank top question, it's also a mystery to me!


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Kinda related, but why wear skirts in the freezing cold? I've seen it too many times.


with tights, stockings or high socks i can be warm enough and skirts are so much more comfortable to me than jeans or pants.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

I've never dressed a certain way in order to have strange men look at me. I've always found the assumption that women dress a certain way in order to attract random male attention to be dangerous. I'm not saying that some of us don't do it sometimes, but that doesn't mean you guys should take the bait. Be better than that. 

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

"Yes, but it still begs the question: if it makes women uncomfortable to wear clothes that reveal cleavage why do they do it?"
Probably because it's comfortable or they like the top for other reasons? If the weather is hot i'm not going to go around in a turtle-neck, even if occasionally my boobs do get stared at. 
The pros outweigh the cons. In many cases, whatever clothes we choose to wear are going to prompt some level of discomfort.


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## secretlyshecries (Sep 10, 2009)

> A lot of women don't see cleavage as a big deal, and are surprised and made uncomfortable by some of the attention it receives.


This exactly. Sometimes people make this big deal out of it and I don't get it.



> It's nearly impossible to find decent looking tops that don't show cleavage.


This is also very true. I'll often find a top I like and then notice it goes down a bit which is okay but I get a bit annoyed when they're _all_ like that.



> It's how a lot of clothes are made lately. Unless these women are accessorizing their tops with microscopic skirts, it's probably not likely that they're dressing 'that way' to attract someone. And really, what's the alternative? Not every woman wants to wear a turtleneck everywhere to field off staring. Comfort and how fashionable an item is are probably what many women look for when they select tops, not "how many strangers will stare at my breasts today?"


Couldn't have said it better myself.

I feel jealous of guys during really hot days actually. Because often I'll see them walking around shirtless, something females obviously can't do (not respectably, lol :b). I'll wear 'revealing' tops/clothes on very hot days.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

nothing to fear said:


> with tights, stockings or high socks i can be warm enough and skirts are so much more comfortable to me than jeans or pants.


That makes sense, but when it's just the skirt, you wonder how they're not freezing.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Kinda related, but why wear skirts in the freezing cold? I've seen it too many times.


Fashion! it'd be ruling out so many options.
Sometimes jeans are just as cold to me.
Sorry the first question doesn't really relate to me.


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

to summarise the discussion, how do we men know -
a. it is ok to look at cleavage (the woman likes being looked at) 
b. it is not ok to look at cleavage (the woman is feeling uncomfortable).

Is there any body language or verbal cues to look for to figure out either way?

It would be nice to figure this out, so I dont get the "you perv" look if I glance and the "you prude" look if I dont glance.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

To be honest, it doesnt matter if cleavage is showing or not I still look. if you are truely bothered about people looking at your cleavage all you can do is cover up. But seriously, does it really matter? As long as some dude isnt following you around staring away then whats the big deal. I'm flattered when people check me out. Though I don't even notice. My wife surely notifies me when it happens though. She don't mind it. Makes her feel like she has a desireable man.

What I have noticed about women and men and the lookers is they tend to only get offended when the looker isnt attractive. Women (in my experience) don't mind a good looking guy checking them out whereas they get creeped out when an ugly guy checks them out. I think I am in the ugly category so I just make sure I am subtle about the looking. Just don't bend over in front of me or else I might have trouble being subtle


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

jer said:


> to summarise the discussion, how do we men know -
> a. it is ok to look at cleavage (the woman likes being looked at)
> b. it is not ok to look at cleavage (the woman is feeling uncomfortable).
> 
> ...


refer to zookeeper's post 

also - it depends on the situation. if you are close to them and having a one-on-one conversation, it's reallly obvious if you are looking at the woman's chest (if she is making eye contact with you). i know some SA/shy guys have said that because they have trouble making eye contact, they end up looking below the eyes and sometimes it appears they are looking at the chest, haha. i've actually witnessed that myself.

if she's young, even if she looks physical mature, it's still not appropriate.

i'd just go by the rule of glances only, and only when you know she and other people around are not paying attention.

so in that episode of seinfeld that zookeeper has referenced, if george had kept it to just a glance and when the president of NBC was not present in the room, he would have been safe (though, given the situation, i think it still would have been inappropriate for jerry to administer the 'cleavage poke').

be extra careful in professional situations, as well.


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

nothing to fear said:


> also - it depends on the situation. if you are close to them and having a one-on-one conversation, it's reallly obvious if you are looking at the woman's chest (if she is making eye contact with you). i know some SA/shy guys have said that because they have trouble making eye contact, they end up looking below the eyes and sometimes it appears they are looking at the chest, haha. i've actually witnessed that myself.


Hee hee! This has actually made me work on my eye contact. One day I was talking to a woman, my gaze cast slightly askew in order to avoid eye contact (as per usual) when I realized that to her it probably looked like I was staring at her chest (which I wasn't, I swear!). Since that day I've been mindful (read: terrified) that women will think I'm ogling their goodies (did I really just say that?) if I look down. So instead I stare creepily at their eyes for prolonged periods of time, which is probably even more deeply disturbing.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

zookeeper said:


> Hee hee! This has actually made me work on my eye contact. One day I was talking to a woman, my gaze cast slightly askew in order to avoid eye contact (as per usual) when I realized that to her it probably looked like I was staring at her chest (which I wasn't, I swear!). Since that day I've been mindful (read: terrified) that women will think I'm ogling their goodies (did I really just say that?) if I look down. So instead I stare creepily at their eyes for prolonged periods of time, which is probably even more deeply disturbing.


so this is how you get over eye contact problems...


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

The girl simply chooses who are allowed to watch and who don't...


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## Havalina (Dec 18, 2004)

To the original poster, are you a waiter at the restaurant? If so, you are most likely standing above these women when taking their orders. If you are standing above them, you can see much further down their shirts than if you were at eye level. If I were wearing a revealing top and someone could see right down it, I would cover myself too, no matter who it was. Also when making a decision I tend to put my hand up to my chin/face, maybe others do this too?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Havalina said:


> To the original poster, are you a waiter at the restaurant? If so, you are most likely standing above these women when taking their orders. If you are standing above them, you can see much further down their shirts than if you were at eye level. If I were wearing a revealing top and someone could see right down it, I would cover myself too, no matter who it was. Also when making a decision I tend to put my hand up to my chin/face, maybe others do this too?


No, I work on the line. Think of it like subway when you go up to the person to order -- the glass window-standing setup is just like that. Sometimes I just notice the people who cover up with their hands. Yesterday there were a lot of girls who didn't cover up. It seems like some days than others they do more often. In any case, I think I've come to terms with what is going on, especially since someone mentioned about it being a popular fashion accessory for women.


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## Halcyon Daze (Dec 22, 2008)

I agree w/ those that said it could be just cos that's how clothes are cut these days. It's harder to find cute things that don't have a neckline that plunges too much. Well maybe not all retailers sell clothes like that but it seems that way to me. I will not wear a low cut top w/ out wearing a camisol underneath that covers more. Or I'll have a light jacket as well so I don't feel uncomfortable.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

this may already have been said, but i would assume that for most girls, either they don't think about it when they put on a tanktop or they think it looks good but would feel uncomfortable and/or dirty if people *stared* at it. covering up your cleavage when you lean forward is common courtesy. they're not doing it because they think you're staring, they're doing it because _not_ doing it is indecent regardless of who they're talking to.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

we also get used to having breasts pretty quickly and sometimes we have those habits we instinctively do in certain situations without analyzing it at all.


yesterday i wore a tank top that is a bit low cut though nothing obvious (under a cardigan), and i ended up wearing a bra i hadn't worn in ages which is meant to give more support since it's strapless so i was kind of struggling the whole day at work to hold up my shirt high enough. they just had uh.. way too much support. they did look nice, though.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

If they are the only woman with cleavage on that particular place, they might feel uncomfortable as some men may take the wrong signal.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Kinda related, but why wear skirts in the freezing cold? I've seen it too many times.


and does this annoy you?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Well, I'd rather see cleavage than crack.

Skirts in the wintertime aren't bad, although I would hope that the legwear is enough to keep the heat in. Shorts with tights are okay in the wintertime. I have seen that and it looks okay.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> You go blind like it's a solar eclipse!
> 
> Um, my eyes are up here, thank you! :lol


Lol! I sometimes get tops that unintentionally end up being revealing but I didn't know it until I put it on at home since I rarely try clothes out at the store. I admit that when I'm not self conscious which is rare I like when guys stare at them lol but most of the time I hate people staring so I won't be too happy. I don't really like showing a lot of it but if I show a little I'm ok with that. Some girls like it for attention and they like showing it off some hate it some don't mean to show it and in june/july/august its just too hot!


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