# Is there an age limit when it's easier to lose your virginity?



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Is it harder to lose it after age 30?


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

It will only be as easy as you make it out to be, age makes no difference.

Edit: 

For the record, I lost mine at 40. She had absolutely no issues with it. She understood how socially shy I was. She actually said I was the best lover she had ever had. I guess I had many years to make up for.  Unfortunately, though, it just did not work out for other reasons. Mostly it being long distance.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Thanks for that.

I just worry that I will not be good enough. I suppose I am just insecure.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

lanzman said:


> It will only be as easy as you make it out to be, age makes no difference.


Agreed.

The "difficulty level" will be the same at 25, 30, 35...


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> Agreed.
> 
> The "difficulty level" will be the same at 25, 30, 35...


That's BS.

At 15-20 it's somewhat considered 'normal' to be a virgin, and girls won't really think twice about it.

At 25, well, it's beginning to become a question mark, yet, they'd think, maybe that guy worked hard on getting an education and didn't have much time to date.

At 30, 35? Red flag. Nothing can ever justify yourself being still a virgin at that age. Not even wanting to wait until marriage. Even if you did, how come you still haven't met anyone at that point?

*COLD HARD TRUTH*: The older you are, the harder it'll be to lose your virginity.

Women are attracted to social success. And a 30-year old virgin is the complete opposite of that.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

TPower said:


> That's BS.
> 
> At 15-20 it's somewhat considered 'normal' to be a virgin, and girls won't really think twice about it.
> 
> ...


The poster before me lost it at 40 and his partner didn't mind. People ask for the reason as to why you're still a virgin, ya know. And a person who actually cares would have thought it to be weird were you 20 or 30. The only reason why some people might be hesitant is because they might think you'd get attached quickly. If you explain that it's been due to anxiety, they probably won't have an issue with it.

Then again you've probably spoken to everyone in the world and have gathered scientific evidence to proof that it's harder to get laid after 30 because people will think you're a freakazoid, so what do I know. :roll


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

Losing it ASAP doesn't sound very appealing.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

TPower said:


> That's BS.
> 
> At 15-20 it's somewhat considered 'normal' to be a virgin, and girls won't really think twice about it.
> 
> ...


How is anyone to know you are still a virgin unless you tell them? And there is no reason to tell them until you actually get to the stage of being in a relationship. At that point, if they like and care enough about you it seriously won't matter.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am more afraid that nobody will find me attractive enough to get to that stage, actually.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

lanzman said:


> How is anyone to know you are still a virgin unless you tell them? And there is no reason to tell them until you actually get to the stage of being in a relationship. At that point, if they like and care enough about you it seriously won't matter.


It's no secret that most male virgins that age are love-shy. Sex-shy too. Shy around women, period.

You'd think a girl would suspect it under the circumstances.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Age has nothing to do with it.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

TPower said:


> It's no secret that most male virgins that age are love-shy. Sex-shy too. Shy around women, period.
> 
> You'd think a girl would suspect it under the circumstances.


True, but it's more of an idea of some guys get lucky, some don't.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I would like to lose my virginity at some time but right now I don't see it happening.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't think it would be any more difficult for you as an individual. On average though the chance that a 35 year old virgin will lose their virginity is way lower than a 25 year old virgin. This would be because there are obviously more chronic/ingrained reasons (personality, looks, lack of financial independence) for why they can't find a partner.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I don't see why it would, it might be easier. One might have more money to throw around when they are over 30 or they gain more experience/confidence in the dating world, etc.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Disarray said:


> I don't see why it would, it might be easier. One might have more money to throw around when they are over 30 or they gain more experience/confidence in the dating world, etc.


I don't see how you'd be confident in having spent more years as an inexperienced virgin.

If anything, your self-esteem will drop as years go by.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> I don't think it would be any more difficult for you as an individual. On average though the chance that a 35 year old virgin will lose their virginity is way lower than a 25 year old virgin. This would be because there are obviously more chronic/ingrained reasons (personality, looks, lack of financial independence) for why they can't find a partner.


What about a 30 year old virgin? Am I halfway between that mix?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Everyone has hope, you just have to do something about it. I see what Komorikun is saying, but by no means let it discourage you.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I think I just have to lower my expectations. I can't expect a perfect person physically to walk into my life. Just can't expect it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> I think I just have to lower my expectations. I can't expect a perfect person physically to walk into my life. Just can't expect it.


Well if you find her there is a 99% chance you will have to take the initiative.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

srschirm said:


> Well if you find her there is a 99% chance you will have to take the initiative.


Given that guys are screwed because they always have to make the first move, you're unfortunately right.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> What about a 30 year old virgin? Am I halfway between that mix?


I don't really know. I just pulled those numbers out of my *ss


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## Doomed (Jul 29, 2012)

You are playing on a harder difficulty. You are a social recluse with no interaction to the outside world, or any women for that matter. You are behind in life as 30 year olds would be expected to have a steady career, and at least some experience with the opposite sex. 

It's going to get much harder to lose your virginity as you get older. Losing your virginity is a rite of passage to adulthood, and it's an important step in your development as a male. Yes, people will judge you for it, and yes, it will more than likely be a turn-off to women who are unfamiliar to social anxiety (or whatever issues you have). Sorry to say, but it can be a deal breaker.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

You set up the barriers for yourself in your mind. If you think it's a big deal, it will be. If you don't, it won't be.

I have the same problem with a lot of issues in life, I build things up in my mind to be more than they actually are. In reality it's a simple act that human beings have been doing their entire existence and we are hardwired with instincts for how to handle the situation when it comes up.

One plus about being older when it finally happens - you'll last longer.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mjkittredge said:


> You set up the barriers for yourself in your mind. If you think it's a big deal, it will be. If you don't, it won't be.
> 
> I have the same problem with a lot of issues in life, I build things up in my mind to be more than they actually are. In reality it's a simple act that human beings have been doing their entire existence and we are hardwired with instincts for how to handle the situation when it comes up.
> 
> One plus about being older when it finally happens - you'll last longer.


I agree with this. Plus I see no reason you need to inform a woman of your virginity beforehand.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

From my personal experience, it's much harder over 30, looking back the best chances were between 16 - 25. I came across this article saying about sexual problems for guys that lose their virginity at a "later age" that age being 21 - 23 Pfft us older ones must be in serious trouble then!:roll

Having severe SA helped mess up my opportunities I feel, but I really should have done the deed with at least a few ladies who crossed my path. If you're over 30 not so attractive, still live at home, crap job/no job then even less women will want to know you. There is a limit, like it or not.
Also it's all well and good that some guys lose it at 40 [without paying for it] but I think that tends to be rare.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

srschirm said:


> I agree with this. Plus I see no reason you need to inform a woman of your virginity beforehand.


It's surprising how often people actually ask (or about experience in general),
and going _"maybe I have, maybe I haven't"_ doesn't really seem to work.
You can always just lie of course, but there can be many reasons why you wouldn't want to do that.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Probably, but to me, if you have social anxiety issues and are insecure about yourself, it's going to be much harder to lose it no matter what age you are. You have to realize that not all women in this world are the same. Some will judge you harshly over your virginity and social anxiety issues. Those are the women you want to avoid. Others will be understanding.

I find it funny how being judged negatively over being a virgin is such a common theme on this website (and life in general it seems) but the irony is that someone who judges virginity negatively is most likely someone you wouldn't want to be around anyways, virgin or not. The moment I have to lie about my sexual experience is the moment I quit taking a relationship seriously.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger is right. There are women who would think "red flag" if they saw that you were a virgin at an advanced age (whether it be 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, whatever). Don't concern yourself with those girls because they aren't the right ones for you. I'm not a virgin but this woman was a complete ***** to me on a date because I was relatively quiet. **** that ho. You don't need women like that in your life. Even if you aren't a virgin, if you have SA, chances are a lot of women are gonna think you are weird. Avoid those women. What is it about them that makes them desirable to you anyway? Maybe I'm just getting older but I find that while I want a physically attractive partner, beyond the requisite sexual attraction, it's all about personality after that. If a woman is a *****, that is an turn-off. I feel sorry for TPower having such a miserable outlook towards women. He has a low opinion of women (including his girlfriend) and is only with her because he feels he can't do better (he can't stand her "fat legs"). Not because he loves her. She even left him once for not being affectionate with


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

No. Thought of it still freaks me out. I am 35.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Maybe when u become all wrinkled it will be hard. But at that age i wouldn't care anymore.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I don't see how it's ever going to happen. If you can't approach someone because you're too nervous how can you ever have a girlfriend. I can picture myself talking to women but when I actually see someone I have never been able to do it. Now not having any money makes it even worse. Maybe I should just save whatever money I can and go to a hooker. I can have sex one time in my life and that'll be it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Usually I'm forced to make the number smaller than it really is, lol. One time I had a woman say she couldn't date me because I wasn't a virgin and her mother wouldn't approve, lol.



Milco said:


> It's surprising how often people actually ask (or about experience in general),
> and going _"maybe I have, maybe I haven't"_ doesn't really seem to work.
> You can always just lie of course, but there can be many reasons why you wouldn't want to do that.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> I feel sorry for TPower having such a miserable outlook towards women. He has a low opinion of women (including his girlfriend) and is only with her because he feels he can't do better (he can't stand her "fat legs"). Not because he loves her. She even left him once for not being affectionate with


TBH, that thread was made in a trolling attempt. I expected a whole lot of people to call me a jerk/shallow, etc.

That said, women live in function of what other people think: Why do you think they follow FASHION? Why do they wear what TRENDS tell them to wear?

It's because they live by what other people consider socially acceptable.

In that very situation, being an older virgin means you've been rejected by every girl in your life and that, by definition of society, you aren't a catch, but a loser in reality. That will make most women run away from you.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> Given that guys are screwed because they always have to make the first move, you're unfortunately right.


I find it hard to believe that there are people who still think this is true in this day and age. This is a totally archaic belief. Women can and do make the first move. It is no longer considered "too forward" or inappropriate as it once was. There have been more than a few guys on this forum stating that their gfs approached them first. Do you think they're lying?

As for the virginity thing, I think you are more obsessed with it than you need to be. You've made it into this all-encompassing road block in your mind. If a woman gets to know you and really truly likes you, then she won't care. And if someone rejects you over something like that, that just means that they weren't right for you.

If you're embarrassed about it, there's no need to go around telling everyone within 5 minutes of meeting them. It's not some deep, dark shameful secret. It's just a personal fact about you that you don't have to tell anyone until you're ready.

As others have said, a thoughtful person would listen to, and try to understand, the reasons behind it. If you explain that you suffer from social anxiety and get nervous around women, an intelligent, caring person would understand. If you told someone you'd never been on a airplane because you have a fear of flying, very few people would hold that against you.

Being a virgin in and of itself isn't necessarily a red flag. There would need to be other more severe and negative traits before it would give someone pause. The kind of person who would instantly write someone off for being a virgin is shallow and ignorant. That's not the kind of person anyone should aspire to be with, so why even obsess over what those people think? There are many empathetic, open-minded, and understanding people in this world. Ignore the *******s and focus on finding them.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

TPower said:


> TBH, that thread was made in a trolling attempt. I expected a whole lot of people to call me a jerk/shallow, etc.
> 
> That said, women live in function of what other people think: Why do you think they follow FASHION? Why do they wear what TRENDS tell them to wear?
> 
> ...


Was this post made in a trolling attempt too? :roll


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've had girls tell me that they liked me. Twice it's happened but since my family moved around a lot nothing ever came of it. I did go 3.5 years to the same high school but none of the girls there ever approached me and I was too shy and nervous to approach them. After high school I never went anywhere to meet women so I believe it's my fault that I've never had a girlfriend.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

TPower said:


> TBH, that thread was made in a trolling attempt. I expected a whole lot of people to call me a jerk/shallow, etc.


lol right. It was all just a "social experiment". I'm surprised you didn't go for the old "my brother hacked my computer" route. It's equally cliche.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

meeps said:


> Was this post made in a trolling attempt too? :roll


We can only hope...


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

au Lait said:


> lol right. It was all just a "social experiment". I'm surprised you didn't go for the old "my brother hacked my computer" route. It's equally cliche.


Believe whatever you want, it doesn't really matter in reality.

But one thing, I can assure you, I truly believe all I've said in this thread.


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## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

I don't have that much experience but imo the 'age limit' is more in your mind and not some fixed age. Most of the problem with being an older virgin is that you know you're in that situation. If you do meet a woman who shows interest, she won't necessarily realise your a virgin.

I think at my age I'd be far more likely to not admit to it and avoid discussing my past sex life (or lack therefore). The problem is you still know your a virgin and probably feel bad about it like I do, so this may impact on your confidence and how you go about having sex for the first time.

If there is an age where it suddely becomes hard it's as a result of people's perceptions of you. If you don't give them a reason to perceive you as different age shouldn't be a factor in losing your virginity. Easier said than done I guess.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Well, does being an older virgin automatically make you different? Or is it just a perception?

Can you change your reality, based upon your perspective?


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Well, does being an older virgin automatically make you different? Or is it just a perception?
> 
> Can you change your reality, based upon your perspective?


I don't how other people would view me. When you've never had any opportunity to lose your virginity it does make you feel different than other people. Right now it doesn't look like I will ever lose it.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

TPower said:


> TBH, that thread was made in a trolling attempt. I expected a whole lot of people to call me a jerk/shallow, etc.
> 
> That said, women live in function of what other people think: Why do you think they follow FASHION? Why do they wear what TRENDS tell them to wear?
> 
> ...


If women are just followers who don't have a brain to think for themselves, why do you even have a girlfriend/want a girlfriend in the first place? I find that this is the most important question to ask oneself.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> If women are just followers who don't have a brain to think for themselves, why do you even have a girlfriend/want a girlfriend in the first place? I find that this is the most important question to ask oneself.


Generalizations do not apply to every member of a group. There are always gold mines hidden somewhere.

I could say that most rich people have an expensive lifestyle, yet, there would always be some frugal loaded people around.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

TPower said:


> Generalizations do not apply to every member of a group. There are always gold mines hidden somewhere.
> 
> I could say that most rich people have an expensive lifestyle, yet, there would always be some frugal loaded people around.


Ok let's say we are to assume that women in general are basically followers (kind of like how a dog follows their master. a ***** basically. lol) who do/think what society tells them what to do/think. What's in it for a guy to chase after women who have a followers' mentality?


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Sad reality is, most guys will not bother asking themselves those questions. A pretty girl with half a brain will satisfy them.

Also, I doubt people in general (both men and women) dig deep to understand human behavior, they sometimes can't decipher one's goal/motives for what they do.


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

It sure as hell isn't easy to lose when you're a teen. Well, for me anyway.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

TPower, do you even like women?

That's not my problem. I like women plenty. It seems they don't like me, though.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> TPower, do you even like women?
> 
> That's not my problem. I like women plenty. It seems they don't like me, though.


The only thing I dislike about them, is blatant hypocrisy.

You know, guys are not necessarily better, yet, they don't deny any of their faults. If they are not attracted to a girl, they won't make up some BS about her being too good for him or something.

If they only date women with big boobs, they won't deny it either, even if it makes them look like shallow b*******.

If their friends don't like the girl they're after, they'll just tell them to **** off and date the said girl anyway. They just don't care.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

TPower said:


> Sad reality is, most guys will not bother asking themselves those questions. A pretty girl with half a brain will satisfy them.
> 
> Also, I doubt people in general (both men and women) dig deep to understand human behavior, they sometimes can't decipher one's goal/motives for what they do.


*ding ding ding*

People don't stop to think about what motivates them to do what they do. Or they may lose sight or forget what their original goal was.

For me specifically (and also many, many men), I find that I lost sight of my original motive (to find love. A woman I connect with physically, mentally and spiritually). And I allowed myself to be motivated primarily by EGO. If a woman says I'm cute, flirts with me or (the ultimate form of external validation to probably most men) wants to have sex with me, I feel desirable and less like a loser. It doesn't even matter if I don't even care about the girl beyond feeding my ego (I'm not going to say beyond sex because it's not even about sex! Never once has a woman brought me to orgasm ever. Only masturbation). It's not about sex. When I have sex with a woman, I feel a sense of external validation. And if she thinks I'm good in bed, that is further external validation. It's never about sex. It's about feeling desired and wanting to be this studly alpha male that I always envied. When women I consider unattractive reject me, I see it as a negative evaluation of my character. I feel a sense of entitlement that physically unattractive women should want to have sex with me because they are ugly and they should feel grateful that an attractive guy would sleep with them (plenty of these girls were really eager with me at the beginning, flirted with me, etc. Many girls and even gay/bi guys (lol) have complimented my looks. But when it comes down to the actual date and women see that I'm not talking much, it's game over most of the time.)

Over time I got jaded and lost sight of what was important. When you are primarily motivated by external validation and you see women as objects for you to use to prop yourself up and not as fully fledged human beings that you can form connections with, that's where you find yourself dead inside and fall into a trap mentally.

And yes I find that a lot of people are not very deep and form shallow connections with each other. A lot of conversations with PEOPLE, not just women, legit bore me to death. Unlike an extrovert, who needs almost constant social stimulation, I do not. I prefer quality over quantity. I find that it's easier for me to relate to men because we are more likely to have common interests. BUT it's still very much a shallow connection. If you chat with a guy about UFC or video games or hot women, that's not a deep social relationship. I would consider that guy to be an acquaintance, not a friend. I think a friend or a girlfriend/boyfriend is someone that you can share deep discussion with and reveal your true self with. Maybe I'm being idealistic but as I'm getting older, I find that I don't deserve anything less than the connection I want. I am selling myself short every time I am inauthentic in my approach with people (including women).

A lot of what I'm saying kinda mirrors what Jad T Jones says in his videos (though a lot of his material is so PUA-esque that I hesitate to recommend him).


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

TPower said:


> The only thing I dislike about them, is blatant hypocrisy.
> 
> You know, guys are not necessarily better, yet, they don't deny any of their faults. If they are not attracted to a girl, they won't make up some BS about her being too good for him or something.
> 
> ...


bla bla bla massive generalizations blah blah


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

au Lait said:


> I find it hard to believe that there are people who still think this is true in this day and age. This is a totally archaic belief. Women can and do make the first move. It is no longer considered "too forward" or inappropriate as it once was. There have been more than a few guys on this forum stating that their gfs approached them first. Do you think they're lying?


Of course there are some girls that do approach guys and of course it is completely acceptable and nothing wrong with it.
But that doesn't mean girls approach guys all that often (relatively).
It would be nice if girls did approach guys more often, but I do think there still is a "romantic" idea that the guy does the approaching.
It's hard to give more than anecdotal evidence, but I've never been asked out by a girl and from the impression I've been getting (both on here and talking to friends) it really doesn't happen too often still, which is a shame.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

You know some girls are scared to approach guys ( like me sometimes)...like I'm sure you guys are too. If I don't want to approach a guy that doesn't mean oh cause society tells me guys make the first move just that I'm nervous, shy, and scared...it's not that hard to get.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

meganmila said:


> You know some girls are scared to approach guys ( like me sometimes)...like I'm sure you guys are too. If I don't want to approach a guy that doesn't mean oh cause society tells me guys make the first move just that I'm nervous, shy, and scared...it's not that hard to get.


I've always dreamed of being approached by girls. I can understand being scared to approach because that's the way I've been my whole life.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yeah, this is a SA site...so I would assume everyone here has social anxiety...so yeah some of us are scared to approach people period...especially attractive ones I'm attracted to.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

id say once you reach 50 you've lost all hope and should prepare to die a virgin


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

50piecesteve said:


> id say once you reach 50 you've lost all hope and should prepare to die a virgin


This isn't helpful.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Can I ask this...

When you are reasonably still young, and still in the age where you can successfully have sex, would you resort to paying for sex (and possibly going to jail), just so you could score a hot young girl?

I know this will offend someone, mostly the female posters, and I apologize. But it feels like I want to play around and have lots of sex before I settle down with one girl. Since I am just past the general age when most American men get married, I am pushing it. In addition, since I am also a virgin (when 97% of people my age, at least in America, are not) is also pushing it.

What makes me most uncomfortable about approaching women is two-fold. One, the fear that she will think I'm only after sex, when I also want love, cuddling, and a relationship as well. The second thing is that she won't realize that I am after sex, when I feel attracted to her but can't show it.

I don't know how to describe it, but it's like being in a prison, only it involves love. I never knew feeling love and attraction towards another person could hurt as much as it has. Love is not like it is in Disney films and romantic comedies.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I'm older than you are but I've thought about paying for sex. There are times that I feel that if I want to have sex that may be the only way it would happen. I would rather have a girlfriend and be in a relationship but I don't try because I've always been too nervous to talk to them. 

I've even had dreams were I've tried to kiss a girl and she would turn away. Those kind of dreams are happening a lot lately. I've had some dreams were I did kiss a girl so maybe in my mind it shows that I'm capable of approaching them.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I've never had that problem. In all of my dreams, I get the girl. Most of my dreams can be very...ahem...sexually explicit, and can go in many different directions. Sometimes what I dream is like a porn film, lol. 

The thing I've noticed most often about my dreams is that, in my dreams, I am at ease talking to women. I can touch them, hold them, and I don't feel nervous at all. I feel happy and content. That is opposed to my reality. I am always nervous around attractive women in real life, and can't do even half the things I do in my dreams (if I could, I would no longer be dateless and a virgin!)


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

When I was younger I would have dreams where I was having sex. For a long time I would rarely have dreams like that. Recently I had a dream where I was having sex in the back of a car. I think the reason that I didn't have dreams like that that much was that I was so overweight that I didn't think that women would be attracted to me. Since I've lost a lot of weight I've been having more dreams like that.


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