# My story about my social anxiety battle



## super (Sep 9, 2009)

This is my story of my anxiety and a bit about myself. I know its long but if you don't want to read at least tell me about your history with anxiety 


When i was younger my anxiety problems were 'sparked' when i got hit by a car, all i did was stay in my house and got scared whenever people came over, i guess i felt guilty for causing the crash and people to worry about me. I was about 10 years old when this all happened and to this day i remember it like yesterday from the moment i woke up after getting hit and then when the paramedics ripped my shirt off and put a neck brace along with police sirens and my whole family looking at me and crying. 

After a few months i returned to school but i was never the same. A few years later i noticed that i would just avoid people, for example if friends called me over i would just walk the opposite dirrection straight away and avoid them, i never knew at the time but when i used to do that panic set over me for no reason it was almost an automatic response, that was the anxiety. At the time i honestly just thought i was a weird kid and was really shy. so did my parents.

Fast forward to maybe what a few years ago, i was getting worse, i decided to find out why i was so 'shy' and all symptoms pointed to anxiety disorder when i went to my doctor.

Before i was hit by a car i was a happy kid, lots of friends and my grades were good, it all went downhill after, allthough i didnt end up in a wheel chair i nearly did, a stroke of luck saved me, when i spoke to my doctor who scanned me incase i broke my back, he mentioned all the books that were in my bag 'saved my life' (i guess the point of impact + books saved it). I don't know how but i managed to go to the hospital ER without any broken bones, just HEAPS of scraping all over my back and face, the scars lasted for a few years too. Wow talking about this just brings back memories...

After i was aware i had anxiety, i decided to fight it, and i did 'win' for a while, i made friends and knew lots of people and met lots of girls (the one thing i thought was never possible) i also become a confident person for the first time since the accident. However the anxiety was always there just not anywhere near as bad. This was fairly recent, and it proved that i can be a 'normal' person and live a happy life without this sh!t.

Silly me during that time making so many friends and seeing so many girls and also coming to the realization that i wasnt just some 'weird ugly loser that would never get a girl' and that i was a normal 'good looking' person, it all got to my head and i turned into a let say....a 'douche bag', i didnt respect my closest friends and did other stupid things which i guess made people not want to be with me. During my time in highschool from the point i began and even when i was winning the anxiety fight i missed heaps of classes because of anxiety, i was just too anxious to go and felt worse every time, along with the homework pilling up. I lost more and more friends, went to school less and was depressed, this was due to other problems which i've had.

I did nothing at all for a long time because i felt like i lost everything, the school eventually kicked me out because of poor attendance and i had very few friends during this time and i was losing the confident happy attitude i had. I didnt know what to do, i was literally 'stuck' and getting so anxious i couldn't leave my house or go in public either, along with that i was depressed, all i did was lay in bed and look at the ceiling for weeks on end, of course i did other stuff but i stayed in my house.


I got help and fought again with the help of a psychologist, this time it was slow and because i had so little friends that didnt help either but i made it out of depression and eventually finished my last year of high school.


Fast forward to now....im still fighting but im starting to 'win' the fight, im slowly getting more friends and gaining the social skills i once had, confidence is gaining but taking a long time. Im still really anxious in specific places where i know i'll see someone i know (i know lots of people) for example a shopping centre. i guess im anxious about what they think of me and what they might say. In the school i was kicked out from i gained the reputation that wasnt very good, mainly because i was never there and other reasons. But i worry about seeing anyone i know from family memeber to even a friend of the family.



I plan to fully destroy my anxiety by December this year, its not going to be easy but i will do it because theres nothing pulling me back this time, im only 18 which means i have time. its time to live. you only live once and i wanna make the most of it. I do not want an anxiety filled life, its just not the way to live.




thank you for reading, well i hope someone read this mountain of text! and sorry if the way i write isnt that good, im not the best at writing properly in paragraphs etc.
please tell me about your story or yourself if you want 
just remember....you can be whoever you want to be in life, its all possible you just have to DO IT, my experience should be enough to tell you that its possible.
Also to some members on this forum that may think im an *******, im really not i guess i let out some of my frustration on here at times, im at heart and truely am a 'nice' guy.

make that step today weather it be going for a walk or arranging to see an old friend, make me feel happy 
i gotta go now guys, time to go to the shopping centre! and yes i'll be a little anxious :b
and remember to tell me about your history! ive become very wise in this area so ask as many questions as you want.


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

no one read it ? 50 views...no replys


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## Xande (Jul 18, 2011)

Sorry, I can't read all of that lol, but I skimmed it and just wanted to reply, since I'm sure that if I started a thread, I would want atleast one person to reply.

Yes fighting anxiety and depression is a huge battle, it's like an uphill battle. 

It's good that you see hope in the future though and are working towards getting better. 

I'm going to start therapy this week (3rd therapist) and hoping I can improve some of my thought processes so that I can be able to better manage my anxiety and depression. 

I know meds help, but ultimately, one has to put in effort to get better.


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

Xande said:


> Sorry, I can't read all of that lol, but I skimmed it and just wanted to reply, since I'm sure that if I started a thread, I would want atleast one person to reply.
> 
> Yes fighting anxiety and depression is a huge battle, it's like an uphill battle.
> 
> ...


exactly, good luck on your therapy 
just keep pushin!


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## Tinavoid (Jul 22, 2011)

Great story! I would have love to read more, but before that you put this in the wrong section. This is General Discussion of things unrelated to Anxiety. I think you should have put this thread in the other sections if you want more inspirational replies. Everyone makes this mistake, once or twice so don't worry! ^__^


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

GentleFacade said:


> Great story! I would have love to read more, but before that you put this in the wrong section. This is General Discussion of things unrelated to Anxiety. I think you should have put this thread in the other sections if you want more inspirational replies. Everyone makes this mistake, once or twice so don't worry! ^__^


 haha thanks, how can i move this thread?


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

That would've been a highly traumatising experience, especially for a young kid. Hey I'm glad you're looking at the positive side of things! And I hope you can put all the crap you went through in HS behind you. :-]


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> That would've been a highly traumatising experience, especially for a young kid. Hey I'm glad you're looking at the positive side of things! And I hope you can put all the crap you went through in HS behind you. :-]


:yes

You seem to have a healthy attitude about it all and seem to understand that it won't always be a smooth path towards recovery which should put you in a good position to handle any challenges which will come your way.

Good luck super and thanks for the inspirational read! 

Update us with how you go.


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## Alchemist (Mar 26, 2011)

I didn´t read everything, but I must agree with the title. This is *the biggest battle, *after we win this one, life is much easier. I see it every day. More I fight my anxiety, other things look much better.

Good luck with your battle and never give up!


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## Podee (Aug 4, 2011)

Nice one  tis a healthy attitude indeed. 
What I got from the end of reading all your post is that it's okay to have a little anxiety, a normal level. If you're working towards getting better you shouldn't expect the end result to be absolutely no anxiety. 
I've struggled with it for years and years, but only recently have I pinpointed sa as being the problem. Before it was about being depressed, unsocial and having really low self-esteem. After a while I got rid of my depression and accepted myself for who I am and started accepting myself instead of trying to change the things I didn't like. So I didn't go out and try to be the bubbly, outgoing type with tons of friends, I just kept my close friends close and let my true personality come through as much as I could. 
Part of that happiness/being content with myself and my life meant I didn't really think to address the real problems so that built up and lately things have gotten worse again. Looking at my life now feels much different because I can see all the damage sa has done...and like you said, an anxiety filled life is not something you want when you should be making the most of the one life you have.
So like you I'm fighting it too, and feeling positive about a future where it doesn't hold me back. I hope it all works out for you, good luck


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## Subversive (Aug 18, 2011)

I read your entire post. I'm glad it was here or I may have missed It! Thankyou for sharing. It sounds as though you have had plenty of hills to climb. I can relate to your description of your anxiety battles, as winning for a while. I think it is important to remind yourself that you can "win" again. You can keep fighting the anxiety. I am contsantly fighting it. For myself, I have never imagined fully eradicating my social phobias and anxiety. I have, to a point; accepted that some days are better than others. :yes
Keep workin on it! I hope that you reach your goal!


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Stories like this really gives me hope though. I'm sure we all go through days where we feel our lives will never be fulfilled in a positive manner... where we prevent ourselves from doing things we want to do.


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> That would've been a highly traumatising experience, especially for a young kid. Hey I'm glad you're looking at the positive side of things! And I hope you can put all the crap you went through in HS behind you. :-]


yeah it was, im trying to put it all behind but i guess time heals all wounds 



mind_games said:


> :yes
> 
> You seem to have a healthy attitude about it all and seem to understand that it won't always be a smooth path towards recovery which should put you in a good position to handle any challenges which will come your way.
> 
> ...


well i try! and theres always going to be bumps on the road to where you want to be, right now i do but its part of life
thanks for reading



Alchemist said:


> I didn´t read everything, but I must agree with the title. This is *the biggest battle, *after we win this one, life is much easier. I see it every day. More I fight my anxiety, other things look much better.
> 
> Good luck with your battle and never give up!


it sure is my friend, this is our biggest battle we will all ever face.
once its over life will be amazing. what i like to do is just imagine myself back when i was at my highest point anxiety wise and think....i can be that person.


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

JenN2791 said:


> Stories like this really gives me hope though. I'm sure we all go through days where we feel our lives will never be fulfilled in a positive manner... where we prevent ourselves from doing things we want to do.


yeah, we all do.
but eventually we gotta push ourselves and get out of that mentality, i don't know how it is with you but sometimes i can be like that for days then i'll just snap out of it and think...what am i doing?



Podee said:


> Nice one  tis a healthy attitude indeed.
> What I got from the end of reading all your post is that it's okay to have a little anxiety, a normal level. If you're working towards getting better you shouldn't expect the end result to be absolutely no anxiety.
> I've struggled with it for years and years, but only recently have I pinpointed sa as being the problem. Before it was about being depressed, unsocial and having really low self-esteem. After a while I got rid of my depression and accepted myself for who I am and started accepting myself instead of trying to change the things I didn't like. So I didn't go out and try to be the bubbly, outgoing type with tons of friends, I just kept my close friends close and let my true personality come through as much as I could.
> Part of that happiness/being content with myself and my life meant I didn't really think to address the real problems so that built up and lately things have gotten worse again. Looking at my life now feels much different because I can see all the damage sa has done...and like you said, an anxiety filled life is not something you want when you should be making the most of the one life you have.
> So like you I'm fighting it too, and feeling positive about a future where it doesn't hold me back. I hope it all works out for you, good luck


great post 
keep pushing on and think of the good times, you can be that person.
its not easy at all and you're right about the damage it makes. But i guess the best thing to do is let go of it and forget.

good luck i hope you become who you want to be eventually 



Subversive said:


> I read your entire post. I'm glad it was here or I may have missed It! Thankyou for sharing. It sounds as though you have had plenty of hills to climb. I can relate to your description of your anxiety battles, as winning for a while. I think it is important to remind yourself that you can "win" again. You can keep fighting the anxiety. I am contsantly fighting it. For myself, I have never imagined fully eradicating my social phobias and anxiety. I have, to a point; accepted that some days are better than others. :yes
> Keep workin on it! I hope that you reach your goal!


thanks for reading my mountain of text! it means a lot
for you and i, i would say just keep 'fighting' until anxiety is normal...like anyone else's would be, eg speeches etc

i hope everything works out for you and that your anxiety returns to normal  either way time always always heals all wounds and i think the older the get the less you care in general which = less anxiety.
this is what Ive heard a lot from people 40+


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

super said:


> yeah, we all do.
> but eventually we gotta push ourselves and get out of that mentality, i don't know how it is with you but sometimes i can be like that for days then i'll just snap out of it and think...what am i doing?


Oh you're definitely not alone on this one. I think we all go through phases, all ups and downs. You go through a phase where you just want to stay in the hole you crawled into... then all of a sudden a phase where it's like WOW Life is AMAZING! I made it harder than it SHOULD BE!.... then you're back to your hole.


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## super (Sep 9, 2009)

JenN2791 said:


> Oh you're definitely not alone on this one. I think we all go through phases, all ups and downs. You go through a phase where you just want to stay in the hole you crawled into... then all of a sudden a phase where it's like WOW Life is AMAZING! I made it harder than it SHOULD BE!.... then you're back to your hole.


yep...right now i kinda feel like im in a hole and im all alone
so much stuff caving in on me right now like so many assignemtns, and an exam this week. making me feel more ****

on top of that i might need surgery in a few weeks for my fractured bone but it might be risky (cbf explaining but its worrying) it hasnt healed since december so yeah.

i know i'll be 'out' of this hole by friday because 
1. my exam is done
2. my assignemetns should hopefully be done and handed in
3. all classes done for the week 
4. and im applying for a job that i'll probably get, i know a few people working there (mac donalds) everyone says the job is horrible but the only reasons im even working is because of the fact i'll be facing my anxiety and talking to people etc and i might even make some friends

oh yeah, does anyone know where i can post some sort of 'journal' i want to go out there and do as much as possible in 1 month and write about it every day.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

super said:


> yep...right now i kinda feel like im in a hole and im all alone
> so much stuff caving in on me right now like so many assignemtns, and an exam this week. making me feel more ****
> 
> on top of that i might need surgery in a few weeks for my fractured bone but it might be risky (cbf explaining but its worrying) it hasnt healed since december so yeah.
> ...


penzu.com is excellent.

I write on there everyday or so. Very simple to use.


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