# Too scared for therapy



## Alloy (Jul 19, 2012)

I don't know how you all manage to go to these places! 

I had one appointment booked but I couldn't build up the courage to walk through the door so I didn't go. 
I drove past the place a few times and then went home, I didn't want to be even seen approaching the place as it was located in a public area. It's like walking into a porno shop or something lol.

Then even if I do manage to get in, I've got a whole list of fears:

- They are just going to say "suck it up and get on with it", only in a nicer way of course.

- They are just going to be word twisters, I don't want what I've just said repeated back to me in the form of a question.

- They would look at me and judge me because I look fit and healthy, then automatically have the opinion that nothing serious could be wrong with me, just as 4 doctors have dismissed me in the past based on assumptions of appearance.

- They are going to be a female (especially a young one) who isn't going to understand how a young guy works. Plus it would get real awkward (for me), real fast with some of the topics I would be bringing up.

- They wouldn't be able to help. I think I would start to get frustrated after a while with no progress. Especially if the conversation starts going round in a loop.

- They would just recommend crap like "join a club" or other generic advice which I have tried, tested, and failed.

Anyone ease or confirm my fears? or am I better off looking for some other form of help?


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## MrWibblyWobbly (Mar 2, 2012)

Well, these possible future scenarios are pretty dispiriting. Thinking like this is also a huge contributor keeping anxiety in place. The human mind evolved to solve problems. It was important for our survival that we be able to predict possible future sources of danger, rejection, or failure. Unfortunately, this natural and vital ability to apprehend danger can turn the mind from your best friend one moment, into your worst enemy in the next moment. Your mind will cannibalize your life if you're not careful, by feeding you tons of negative possible scenarios until you never want to do anything anymore. The trick is to let the spirit of calm, play, curiosity, adventure, and exploration grow in you: don't take life too seriously, no matter what your mind is telling you. Life still has many lessons yet to teach you. It's just talk therapy, after all. You're not in any mortal danger. You go into a room and talk to someone. That's all. Sometimes it can even seem a little absurd.

Luckily, from my experience, those scenarios are all unlikely. Yes, you may indeed get well-intentioned advice such as "join a club", "go out to a pub", etc. that may not be realistic for you. But therapists are fallible people, too. They've received training in how to deal with people with sensitivity, empathy, and understanding. But, in the beginning, there will be a process of getting to understand where, exactly, you are along the anxiety continuum: how severe it is, what are the actual thinking and behavior patterns that are contributing to it, what are your "sore spots" (things that we're more sensitive about; e.g., for me, it was feeling like I'd be abandoned and alone). It may take a few sessions for your therapist to get a good idea of what your anxiety is really like. Everyone's case is different. A good therapist will not just tell you to "suck it up and deal" and just leave you to your own devices.

That said, there ARE some bad therapists out there. But there are some very good ones. You'll never find such a therapist if you don't take a chance and meet with one. If you don't like the first person you see, you have the option of maybe asking for someone else, or quitting altogether. Even if you decide not to pursue therapy, in the end, you'll be no worse for it. I've luckily been able to find two very good ones over the last year who have helped a lot. 90% of therapy is what you do on your own time: applying the insight and ideas to your everyday life. It took me a while to realize this, personally; that a therapist wasn't going to "heal" me. hey just gave me the tools to heal myself, and helped me get to relationships/friendship that eventually helped me re-learn what the world was life (e.g., not scary, threatening, or rejecting; sometimes people won't like me or reject me, but I now have the ability to deal with that).

If it helps, you can do a cost-benefit analysis. This is actually a CBT technique. Take a sheet of paper, then draw a line through the middle. On one side, write all the disadvantages of taking a chance on therapy. (Basically, this will include all the negative possibilities you've just listed.) Then, on the other side, write all the _benefits_ of seeing a therapist. Here are some possible benefits to get you started:

- This person _may_ actually turn out to be a really nice, helpful therapist. And even if they aren't as helpful as I'd like them to be, I can probably still derive some benefit from the experience.

- This person chose this profession in order to help people. They _want_ to be helpful. In fact, most therapists get a thrill from being able to serve their patients the best they can.

- Even if they can't help me, I'll only have sat in an office talking to someone for an hour. It's not a big deal. Nothing terrible will come of it, really.

- They may actually be able to help me. After all, many other people have been helped by therapists before. Some haven't, but many have.

Hope this helps!


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## bobman04 (May 17, 2012)

I had these same problems when I first went in early September but so far therapy has been amazing for me! Now here's something I did that I doubt most people would suggest but it worked! I just kept reminding myself that if I was the therapist, I'd be really upset if somebody skipped out on their appointment with me. I know it's awkward walking in there but put yourself in your therapist's shoes. If you try to look at it as going for them rather than yourself, you'll find that you'll be focusing on that rather than your other thoughts and you'll feel better about when you do go.

Another thing is putting your mind on exactly what your doing at the moment, holding it there, and not letting it go towards what is to come. In other words, when you are walking on a sidewalk think "I'm walking on a sidewalk." When you're opening a door think "I'm opening a door". When your driving think "I'm driving." and nothing else.

Hope I've helped. I wish you the best!


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## ahita (Oct 14, 2012)

I was really scared too. The barrier was getting through administration, waitng and seeing the therapist. It took me 2 years!! Yes, i waited 2 years to finally get help because wel i couldn't because of my SA. After graduating highschool, i went to college. I knew they had a counselling office there, and after passing it many times, convincing myself i was either not sick enough or too sick, I just opened the door and asked to see someone for counselling. 

That was the hardest part. Opening up, gradually became easier with each session.


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## soupbasket (Oct 24, 2012)

Alloy, have you had any luck with this? I want to see a therapist, but I'm scared as well.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Alloy said:


> Then even if I do manage to get in, I've got a whole list of fears:
> 
> *- They are just going to say "suck it up and get on with it", only in a nicer way of course.*
> 
> ...


You should try and go a few times first, ask about any groups they do as well. Otherwise try and deal with things alone and maybe end up this way for years with NOTHING changing for the better. Only you getting older, lonelier and more bitter.


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