# How is talk therapy supposed to help?



## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

I've been seeing a therapist for about a month and a half and I don't feel like I'm getting better. I don't understand how it's supposed to help.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Never helped me any either, maybe look for an alternative, there's more than one way to skin a cat as they say.


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

It may take more than a month. Or, it may not work at all. For me, I had two therpaists - one which was horrible and maybe made things worse. My second - and current therapist - has been fantastic.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

chickenfett said:


> It may take more than a month. Or, it may not work at all. For me, I had two therpaists - one which was horrible and maybe made things worse. My second - and current therapist - has been fantastic.


How has your second help?


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

My second therapist has helped me realize the things I do to add to my anxiety. Often times, when I'm anxious, I start to think about everything that I can that makes me anxious without realizing it. He explained to me how I think and how it adds to my anxiety. Also, it's good to have someone there that listens. He's been helpful.
My first was from university counseling. I felt like they were treating me like a statistic. I was going through a really difficult time after having a friend of mine murdered and my father passing away from cancer (within two months of each other) and pretty much got told everything I was doing wrong. Instead of listening and offering perspective, I got told what to do. I think the listening and analysis of my thinking from the second therapist has been great.


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## dawna81 (Jan 4, 2014)

I attend talk therapy, group therapy and I take medication. These combined are the way therapy is supposed to be done. the meds help while you figure out your **** and when you figure it out, start healing, you get to come off the meds. or at least thats the perfect idea. it rarely works out like that. but thats whats supposed to happen. Talk therapy helps me because I tell someone everything and then they help me to view what I say objectively. they also teach me skills to better myself. It all depends on the therapist though.


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## sophietje678 (Nov 27, 2013)

I been talking to therapist for over a year, nothing changed until i took meds. I feel like therapy only work for some people but for people who have really severed anxiety they should DO things that are fun (with people) the most important goal is to get a good time with people around you coz in your past ppl made you feel like ****. The most important thought is that you shouldnt try so much to people to like you. Thats what i did but it felt so fake. It was my anxiety not myself. You should just talk fair with them. They dont have a threat the thing you fear is them talking mean about you but when you have friends who are there for you u dont give a ****. If you dont have friends or any confidence itll make you weaker. OK i submit, i dont know what to do either


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## Nathan18 (Sep 15, 2009)

I have no idea. I've been to 3 different therapists and it never helped me. I'm struggling to understand how they're supposed to help. They tell me my thoughts are irrational and obviously I know that. That doesn't help my anxiety.

The only thing that has helped are meds


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

I've been to a the occasional therapist, and I have to say they helped me both times, significantly.

One time was in a family counselling environment as a youth. The psychologist was able to speak to the family, not just me, and I believe personally, that made a huge impact on effecting the harmony in the family.

Other times, it's been my own personal problems, and simply having someone to talk about stuff was enough for me to turn things around after understanding what was happening.

Other times, and I swear, a few simple words from my doctor made all the difference in the world.

Anyways, if you are interested in learning about psychology and how it can be effective this is probably one of the most fascinating documentaries on it, I've ever seen.






Anyways, I am no psychologist and probably won't be able to verify this, but in some instances, early childhood events, condition people into patterned responses, creating personality disorders, and supposedly those are more difficult to break through and fix.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

The therapist's job isn't to "fix you." The real truth is, only you can fix yourself.

The therapist's job is to teach you the tools you need to fix yourself. Because you HAVE to come to certain realizations by yourself. You say,_* "I'm struggling to understand how they're supposed to help. They tell me my thoughts are irrational and obviously I know that. That doesn't help my anxiety."*_

For example, if I told you flying a jumbo jet is as easy as pushing the throttle and pulling up on this flight stick, what would you say?* "Well duh that's obvious. Of course the flight stick controls the plane. But just telling me that doesn't improve my flight skills. I don't know HOW to do the fine little movements."*

Well duh! See, its the same thing! Treat your therapist like a flight captain, and you as a co-pilot in training. Because really, a therapist IS a teacher. They are going to tell you the obvious things. But to learn you really need to be fully open minded, to REALLY watch the captain's hands, so-to-speak. Pay attention to the little movements, and ASK QUESTIONS all the time.

Basically, if you keep going into therapy with the idea that it isn't helping you, then you'll never get anything out of it. This is called the _*self-fulfilling prophecy*_ in psychology. Its the basic truth that if you have preconceived ideas of how something works, then that's how you'll always see it.

And these preconceived ideas, are called _*irrational beliefs *_and are almost always negative. They start with word such as "I can't" or "I don't" and these thoughts will never help you. You can change these irrational beliefs, but you have to be WILLING to learn and willing to change.

For example, nobody can _*force you *_to learn to fly a plane if you _*don't WANT *_to do it. If you keep going to flight class with the idea "I can't fly, I'll never be able to fly" well _*then you will never learn to fly.*_ Not with that attitude.

Therapy is exactly the same.

And if you "don't see how it will help," simply ask your therapist "how is this helping me?" "What does this teach me?" "What am I supposed to be learning from this?"

If there is something you don't understand, ASK! Its just like school, really.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

I also wanted to add this:

All of my best epiphanies, realizations, discoveries, and break-throughs with SA have all come from the outside world. They are those magic "aha!" moments, where you suddenly realize something, and can never see the world the same again.

Its the therapy sessions right after these "aha moments" that are the best. I bring in new ideas to my therapist, and she says "YES! You're getting it." And then she goes further to explain why my new beliefs are good, and where to go from there.

Occasionally I'll present her with a dilemma, and she'll explain a new (better) way of thinking about this issue, and that will also spur an "aha moment." Its those moments where you say, "wow, I never thought of that way before!"

THESE are the crucial little things that cause recovery. And as I said, a lot of these "Aha!" moments come from outside therapy, if you keep an open mind. Its the therapist who is there to turn these little aha's into solid concrete ideas, and then you cement them into your mind, permanently changing your beliefs about yourself and the world. Its really magical.

But yes, for therapy to work, YOU have to be doing at least 50% or more of the work. All the time. Not just in the therapy office.

If you are just sitting back and nodding your head while your therapist talks... you are doing yourself a disservice.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

jimjam said:


> I also wanted to add this:
> 
> All of my best epiphanies, realizations, discoveries, and break-throughs with SA have all come from the outside world. They are those magic "aha!" moments, where you suddenly realize something, and can never see the world the same again.
> 
> ...


I talk with her about what I've been doing, current struggles, etc... She doesn't seem to have the knowledge to help me understand how to not be depressed (SA isn't my only disorder). Of course she isn't capable unless she's experienced it.

I do come in with a hopeful mindset but I find myself not knowing how to communicate and build a relationship. It feels so mechanical. I don't know how to be natural even around therapist. How will I gain meaningful connections if I can't even connect with anybody else? I like her and think she's a better match than any other therapist but there's still no feeling I get from it.

I will leave each session with disappointment but maintain a feeble amount of optimism; maybe it'll be better next time. I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I've even broken down in front of her once and it did not feel good at all.

It's always been that way. She's given me good advice. That's why I like her. But I can't connect. Yet that seems to be my problem which I don't know how to solve.

Sorry.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

Well, just TELL HER that.

Tell her that its a major concern for you. Tell her that your interactions together feel forced, and that you don't feel like you are really connecting, and that you feel like its preventing or slowing your recovery. Tell her this is a major concern, and you feel like it is YOU who can't seem to connect. Ask her what she thinks about that, and how you two can overcome this.

And if nothing comes out of it, tell her that you two just don't click. Tell her that you appreciate her awesome advice, and she's been wonderful help, but that you just don't think its working out. Tell her that you think it would be a good idea to maybe change therapist, and ask her if she could recommend a colleague.

Its absolutely crucial that you and your therapist "click" with each other. I don't think you'll get anything out of therapy otherwise.

Because it sounds to me that you are still holding back, that you are still hiding from your therapist and not being fully honest. Because if you were being honest and transparent, you wouldn't be asking this, and you would just straight up tell her yourself that you two aren't "clicking" at all.

With me an my therapist, if our relationship ever got to a point where we stopped "clicking" or I didn't see any further improvement from our interactions, I'd just straight tell her. Because I'm not afraid of her.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

jimjam said:


> Well, just TELL HER that.
> 
> Tell her that its a major concern for you. Tell her that your interactions together feel forced, and that you don't feel like you are really connecting, and that you feel like its preventing or slowing your recovery. Tell her this is a major concern, and you feel like it is YOU who can't seem to connect. Ask her what she thinks about that, and how you two can overcome this.
> 
> ...


What I want to say seems to slip my mind but yea you're right. I think I am holding back. I don't know why. Maybe she isn't the right therapist or I just have serious problems. I'll try what you said. Thanks. I needed a third party opinion.


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

It could be the "fixing" thing as well. In truth, yeah, therapists aren't supposed to fix you. They don't have mind control devices, but generally yeah they can help you see things the right way.

In my case, my family was beating the hell out of me and they wouldn't let up. Very toxic environment that got out of hand. I was the scapegoat for everything. The therapist "fixed" the situation. In the short term, took years to grasp the finer details and gain awareness, and compassion.

Other times, seeing a therapist was enough to convince me that I needed to heal myself and take matters into my own hands. I guess it was the admitting of the problem that helped.

In some cases, yeah, maybe it's your therapist being ineffective, other times, maybe it's you not communicating correctly. In any event, it could be any number of things.

Probably shouldn't have brought up the potentially stigmatizing personality disorders, as I myself think that in the open, it is liable to gross interpretations, not only on behalf of psychotherapists, individuals, but the public at large. But yeah... if you are interested in that stuff, it might help you learn more about yourself, if you are interested in finding the serious problem, if any. Might be self stigmatizing and less than liberating though. I find reconnecting with myself through understanding generally helpful, on average.

Maybe bringing up personality disorders, as a topic of discussion is worth it. That being said, everyone has thier own beliefs, and perhaps stigmatization is out of order, on the other hand I have had doctors tell me they didn't believe in vitamins. So... it's a chaotic mess which ever way. Nihilism can be a wonderful spiritual experience. Embrace the discovery guy. Don't think in black and white, and allow yourself to be slightly open to new ideas, influences, and so on.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

I saw a therapist primarily for depression and I found the sessions with her very helpful. She had suffered from depression herself and that had spurred her to train as a therapist.

One of the main ways it helped me was that in order to form an answer to her questions I had to be very honest with myself and force myself to think clearly. We often _think _we are being honest with ourselves but until we actually say the thoughts _out loud _for another to analyse we can be very clever at fooling ourselves.

Something else that helped was being introduced to the word 'catastrophising'! This wonderful word means that we exaggerrate our problems to the nth degree. For instance, we may say: "*Everybody* hates me!" or "*No-one* ever listens to me!". If we are completely honest with ourselves we find that this is patently not true. After I had been asked several times "Do you think you might be catastrophising?" I learned to be more honest in my thoughts regarding myself ........ and actually started to laugh when I heard myself doing it!

A month and a half is no time at all really ...... give it a chance.

I also liked the fact that, through talking, I got a lot of stuff that was bothering me 'out of my head'; It was 'outside' of me, not going round and round in my mind.

Another thing is, even though you are not aware of changes in your mind, they are very likely still happening. A bit like sleeping on a problem and when you wake up you have the answer or at the very least a better understanding of it. Your mind is working even when you aren't aware it is.

I hope some of this helped. Good Luck


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