# I hate going to work.



## AlishaDawn (Jul 20, 2014)

Before I begin with what is going on, here is what happened before this current job. I apologize if this is really long.

I used to work at Target over Christmas, though it was only seasonal so they let me go in January. I would have kept that job if it wasn't just a seasonal position. It was overnight stocking so the only people I had to deal with were my coworkers. I mainly kept to myself whenever possible and just did the job. The supervisors and managers did give me really bad anxiety (anyone of authority gives me bad anxiety), but the store was big enough that I really only saw them twice throughout the whole night and avoided them whenever possible.

I then got another job in February at Tim Horton's, and it lasted two weeks. It was also an overnight job, but the way they do it is they start you on days first so you know what you're doing. The place was so small, I was in close contact with everyone and hated it. I felt like I was constantly being judged and ridiculed if I made a mistake or couldn't do something, especially doing drive through. To make matters worse, one of the supervisors was horribly mean and not understanding of the fact that I had never worked cash or with people before (Target was my first job). 

I remember one occasion, I was doing drive through and he came up to me and was like "You need to go faster. You can't be going slow." in such a mean tone, and he wasn't even saying it to be helpful (at least it didn't come across as that way in his tone of voice) and I had only been there a week, if that. 

It got so bad that the thought of going to work gave me panic attacks and bad depression. I called in "sick" one night (or really my Mom did because there was no way I was doing that), then the next night I couldn't get out of bed to go. I ended up walking out of my house to avoid the confrontation of calling them and saying I was "sick" again. I knew there was no way I was keeping the job. My Mom ended up calling them and they told her for me to not come back and to return my uniform.

I am never working at Tim Horton's again, clearly (luckily I don't want too anyway).

Now to my current job. I was unemployed until late March then saw the movie theatre was hiring. I was feeling better in regards to my SA/depression so I thought why not (at least I was feeling functional at least). I put in an application though I wasn't expecting anything, honestly, but they called me a month later and I got an interview. I kind of "lied" during the interview and forced myself to look social and happy (it was a group interview) and I guess it worked because I got the job.

Everything at the movie theatre was slow, in comparison to Tim Horton's. I got hired at Tim's and started working within a few days and worked every day. At the theatre, training was over a month after getting hired, which actually helped ease me into working and was probably better for my anxiety anyway.

I began working in early/mid May, and my first few shifts were alright. The place was bigger so even though I was still around people and customers everyday, I didn't feel so judged or watched since everyone did their job and most of the supervisors stayed in the office. Also, it's only part time so I get like 3 shifts a week (usually 2) which doesn't stress me out or get me anxious like an everyday full time part job would which is what Tim Horton's was.

Then I began having till issues, where I would be below or above the till money at the end of the shift. At first it was only a dollar or two, but it kept happening so many shifts in a row, and kept getting worse. I almost got written up one time because it was so high. This then made me hate work. I would spend all shift agonizing the money count at the end, no matter how many times my coworkers kept telling me it wasn't a big deal, it drove me nuts and I would be up thinking about how much my managers hated me and how they probably think they shouldn't have hired me and all this. 

One shift I was working with a guy who was also in my training group, and I kept comparing myself to him and thinking how much better he was doing than me and that I was horrible at my job. I was so worried that I would get fired at the end of the probation period because the money issue kept happening.

I looked up tips for handling money and then for the last few shifts I was alright. My till money was only off by a couple cents (which is pretty normal) and I was feeling pretty okay about work again since I did like this job. 

Then of course everything is ruined again. For the last couple days my depression/anxiety has been so bad to a point where I can't get out of bed, I have no energy to anything, I just want to stay in my room. I couldn't get out of bed yesterday and knowing I had to work that night was making me feel worse. My Mom was so worried she made me go to my family doctor to see if she had any ideas (I don't have a psychiatrist - there are hardly any taking patients where I live even though I've been trying for months to get in to see one).

I eventually forced myself to go to work since I knew in the long run it would be better (since I do like my job). It was okay. I forced myself to do the job and put on a happy face. Then at the end of the shift, I was off on the till money again. By almost $5. I was just so upset and went home feeling even worse. 

I've been doing nothing all day today and just feel depressed, and I work again tomorrow evening and the thought of going is just making me so anxious. I wish I didn't have this job. I just want to stay in my room and never leave it. This is exactly how I felt right before I quit Tim Horton's.

Sigh. Everything has to get ruined by my anxiety. 

Anyway this was a really long rant, sorry. I'm new and I just wanted to get this out to someone who understands. I don't expect anyone to actually read all of this.


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## Josiegirl (Jul 20, 2014)

Hang in there. Tills are often out. Good for you for going to your shifts. You are new, it all takes time.


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## Selenium (May 7, 2013)

I know the feeling. Not exactly your situation but I always make mistakes at work. It's a horrible feeling. You should try and slow down a little, I'm sure you'll get it eventually.


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## Proud Paperclip (Jul 11, 2014)

Honestly, this is all so normal when starting new jobs -- people are in training, they're learning to work with co-workers and customers and it won't be perfect at the beginning. Managers should be understand of this. It was wrong of the management at Tim Horton's to yell at you when you were just brand new. I doubt he was a perfect human being when he worked his first few jobs.

As for counting money and being up or down in the till, that is very normal for anyone working cash drawers -- most organizations in fact will assume a bit of an imbalance at the end of the work day with the cash totals. I'm pretty sure there are logs where the imbalance is noted and stored away in the safe in the managers office across many companies including movie theaters. Part of their task upon closing time is to register that information.

What managers do want to see though, is someone with good work ethic -- it sounds like you have this. You want to be there, you enjoy the job and you are stressing heavily on the fact that your till might be incorrect at the end of the day which shows you care very much about doing a good job. Managers should applaud that. If at all possible, speak to your manager and explain your situation; that you're disappointed about the till imbalance and maybe he/she may appreciate this and offer some advice. Or they may even say it's completely normal and tell you to not worry too much.


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## thediamondsea (Feb 10, 2014)

How interesting, I worked at a movie theater all through high school and college myself. I did have many instances where my till was off, but that was because at the time their cash registers wouldn't calculate change owed and my math under pressure is never good. Then they fixed that issue and I was mostly on the money except for one day where I was about $100 off, and I suspect someone took the money from my drawer. (I was lucky they didn't fire me.)

Why do you think the till is off so often? Are there ever opportunities for people to get into your drawer? Or do you think it's truly your own errors? I feel like once you master the till issue, you won't dread going to work nearly so much.


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## Swagonite (Jun 24, 2014)

just do your best and continue to show up on time is most important. Less than 5 dollars off isnt that big a deal if its constantly like $100 off or $50+ off often then management will start to worry. I remember when I had a job at the vet as receptionist and the till was off one day by like $80 but the place was so busy I couldnt figure out where that $80 was from my manager is like find out! I'm like hey man I dunno its busy it will probably sort itself out. Next day he tells me he recounted it and it was only $0.05 off instead of $80 he counted wrong im like wow bye lol.


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## LetItBurn33 (May 24, 2014)

Here is my best advice from my battles with minimum wage: Dont put anything into it, psycologically.. Act like a zombie.. The whole thing is a giant crock of manure.. nothing is true.. act like a zombie, befriend no one.. dont have any relations with workers outside of work.. JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING.. ALL OF IT, LET IT GO IN ONE EAR OUT THE OTHER, LIKE A ROBOT. Youll be saving yourself alot of depression, sanity, and many, many deep problems that will consume your entire life. THEY ARE ALL SCUM, DONT THINK OTHERWISE. JUST SHOW UP AND DO IT LIKE A ZOMBIE WITHOUT A BRAIN AND LAUGH AT THEM FOR BEING MISERABLE IN YOUR HEAD BECAUSE THEY ARE.

The only other thing is you have to work fast.. dont be obsessive compulsive.. you are dealing in crap, it doesnt matter if a corner is off, just go fast.. fast and sloppy.


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