# If your boyfriend/husband cries....



## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

Would you look down on him or leave him, if your boyfriend / husband cries because he is having some major problems in his life and is having a hard time fixing them? I understand that a man has to be emotionally stronger than a woman, but when he is an adult, he can't get his parents support and is left alone all by himself, and most often he will have to pass harsh cruelties of life. What would you do? Would you look down on him and leave him for good and find a better man who doesnt cry because his life is so much better compared to other people?

I am trying to see if its a stigma when a grown up man cries. In our society a man crying shows how weak he is and how his is losing his masculinity.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No.


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## jbeie880 (Jan 22, 2013)

No. Everyone needs to express their emotions sometimes. No reason to leave someone if they cry - we are all human.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Crying is a human response to a human emotion, it is not gender specific.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

No.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I hope not, I cry more than most people.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I've told my bf before that I wish he'd cry or something that would let me know when he's upset. I would never look down on it and I feel like it is a healthy response. I hate the fact that men can't really cry without someone judging them for it.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

No. It would make me feel better about a guy to see him cry, although mostly if it were in a way that showed empathy or feeling for others, and not so much if it were about life being hard. Crying about life being hard is okay, though.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

diamondheart89 said:


> I've told my bf before that I wish he'd cry or something that would let me know when he's upset. I would never look down on it and I feel like it is a healthy response. I hate the fact that men can't really cry without someone judging them for it.


some guys just dont express themself with crying/it doesnt come naturally. I havent cried since little league baseball but it doesn't mean some guys arent having the feelings/expressing it their own way. Granted i've stopped myself a couple times from crying for one reason or another, but when I'm depressed I dont cry.

to me, if someone asked me to express myself with crying would be like asking someone who can cry to not cry (couldve worded that better)


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

Ive never had a boyfriend, but wtf id never leave anyone just because he cries. We all cry, theres no such a human being who doesnt cry. 
If his life is hard, i would be on his side and try to help if i can.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

VipFuj said:


> some guys just dont express themself with crying/it doesnt come naturally. I havent cried since little league baseball but it doesn't mean some guys arent having the feelings/expressing it their own way. Granted i've stopped myself a couple times from crying for one reason or another, but when I'm depressed I dont cry.


Yeah I totally get that. He hasn't cried since he was a child. But I'm just saying that I wouldn't look down on it if he did, in fact it would be a lot easier for me recognize it when he is upset if he did cry because his reactions to it are so completely different from my own. I cry when I'm upset regularly. (of course in private and never in front of other people).


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

diamondheart89 said:


> Yeah I totally get that. He hasn't cried since he was a child. But I'm just saying that I wouldn't look down on it if he did, in fact it would be a lot easier for me recognize it when he is upset if he did cry because his reactions to it are so completely different from my own. I cry when I'm upset regularly. (of course in private and never in front of other people).


yea. can understand that from the other persons point of view that it's hard to read. It depends on the person I guess. Not sure if it transfers over to another person who doesnt cry, but I just get quiet and untalkative and in a daze when I think other people cry. And I'll be that way around people I'm not upset at, so they could misunderstand that. At least that would be my tell that I'm upset


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Nope, I'd feel sad that he was upset and would want to help him feel better.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Leaving a man for crying sounds shallow and petty. I think it's really sad that gender norms deem crying weak and unacceptable for men. It's a natural reaction to despair/frustration for many people and shaming people out of it robs them of a nondestructive coping mechanism. It may feel uncomfortable if a boyfriend/husband cries abnormally often (ran out of bacon). But allowing the flood gates to open on occasion surely isn't a deal breaker (or even a turn-off). In fact it's sort of an honor when a man allows himself to be that vulnerable around you. It's a sign of trust and comfort.


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## Thix (Jul 14, 2012)

Ran out of bacon? *RAN OUT OF BACON!?!?* *WHYYYYYY!?*
:cry


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

No, of course not. I'd empathize and hope to help them feel better if I could. Sounds like a really petty reason to leave a person too =/


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

No. -___-


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## nautilus (Aug 21, 2012)

lightningstorm said:


> I am trying to see if its a stigma when a grown up man cries. In our society a man crying shows how weak he is and how his is losing his masculinity.


>.< A good example of how men suffer from double standards as much as women... though in different ways. Personally, I would be more annoyed if my (purely theoretical) boyfriend felt like he had to hide his emotions from me. I mean, I get that a guy is often at risk of getting looked down on by other men if caught crying (unless he's just around trustworthy guy friends), but seriously, if someone can't be real with the person they're in a relationship with, what's the point?

And I don't think the man has to be emotionally stronger than the woman. Honestly, I don't think I would be able to let someone take care of me when I'm vulnerable if they wouldn't let me do the same for them.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Everyone cries at times.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

Men:

If you're crying because you've just lost a loved one, that's acceptable.

However,

If you're crying for any other reason, you're just *begging* to be criticized/judged*.

*Don't be fooled by those who say they like a man who cries.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

No id hug them and hold them till they are happy


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I teared a bit up watching Eternal Sunshine, what do you reckon ladies, still good ? :b


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

PathologicalSigher said:


> Men:
> 
> *If you're crying because you've just lost a loved one, that's acceptable.*
> 
> ...


If he's crying and emotional because he stubbed his toe, gimme a break. I wouldn't blame a woman for leaving a dude because of something like that.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

It's a massive turn off when guys act like they don't have emotions. I find it kind of awesome when guys are able to express how they're feeling, whether depressed, sad, happy, etc.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

SuperSky said:


> Nope, I'd feel sad that he was upset and would want to help him feel better.


+1


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

(Guy is crying. Girl comes in.)

Girl: What's going on?
Guy: My mother just died.
Girl: Oh. 

(Girl goes into bedroom, comes out 5 minutes later with a suitcase)

Girl (crying): I'm leaving you, you jerk! I'll be at my mother's house.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

No. That's mean. But I would be incredibly uncomfortable and wouldn't want to deal with their emotions. But that goes for anyone, since I hate crying in front of others because I don't like dealing with my own emotions and don't like others knowing them, so I wouldn't want to deal with anyone else's.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

No....it's human, not gender specific. It's idiotic to think men should be devoid of emotion. 

I have been married to my husband for 11 plus years and have seen him cry. He has seen me cry. If you are close enough to ANYONE you will see them cry.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> Men:
> 
> If you're crying because you've just lost a loved one, that's acceptable.
> 
> ...


^^Easily one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this site and so juvenile. :roll


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> ^^Easily one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this site and so juvenile. :roll


What was juvenile? I'm only stating how people *tend *to react to a man who cries. I don't make the rules -- I just report them.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'd prefer a man who cries to a man who gets angry a lot. Anger is such an ugly emotion.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> What was juvenile? I'm only stating how people *tend *to react to a man who cries. I don't make the rules -- I just report them.


Your mind set is juvenile. It's ridiculous to think by virtue of one's gender one doesn't cry. It's the human condition. Those aren't the rules and you are reporting wrong. :no


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> Your mind set is juvenile. *It's ridiculous to think by virtue of one's gender one doesn't cry.* It's the human condition. Those aren't the rules and you are reporting wrong. :no


I never thought that, or even said that. Talk about reporting wrong.

The fact is that people in general react differently to a woman crying versus a man crying. One has to keep that in mind when expressing one's emotions.

I myself believe that a man should be able to openly express his more vulnerable emotions without fear of criticism or judgment. But I won't fool myself into thinking that the majority of people agree with me on that point.


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## Mr Grey (Jan 15, 2013)

Good thread. I had wives ang GFs mocking me for crying, making fun of... Etc.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I had one ex who would actually get angry with me when I cried. I admit I am a crybaby but I can't help it. He thought I was trying to manipulate him or something. Then again he was an a-hole in general.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> Men:
> 
> If you're crying because you've just lost a loved one, that's acceptable.
> 
> ...


I really hate it when someone forgets what they post even when its on the same current page. :roll

Did you or did you not post this? This is your OPINION--NOT FACT. You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts. This is not fact, this is not true. It may be YOUR viewpoint but it doesn't mean most people think the way you do.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

http://www.sirc.org/publik/Crying_Game.pdf


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> I really hate it when someone forgets what they post even when its on the same current page. :roll
> 
> Did you or did you not post this? This is your OPINION--NOT FACT. You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts. This is not fact, this is not true. It may be YOUR viewpoint but it doesn't mean most people think the way you do.


It wasn't an opinion or fact, but rather an imperative sentence. Just like "Do your chores!"

Females here seem to have expressed their openness to a man who cries, and that's great. But no man should be lulled into a false sense of security by that. If you honestly believe that people react to a man's tears the same way they react to a woman's tears, you've got another thing coming.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Well are you dating a narcissist?


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> It wasn't an opinion or fact, but rather an imperative sentence. Just like "Do your chores!"
> 
> Females here seem to have expressed their openness to a man who cries, and that's great. But no man should be lulled into a false sense of security by that. If you honestly believe that people react to a man's tears the same way they react to a woman's tears, you've got another thing coming.


What do you mean "people"? What are we actually talking about? I don't cry in public arenas as a spectator sport--does anyone? But among friends, family, or sig others --yes. I don't even know what you are talking about. Except you want to cling to your nonsensical ideals. Have it at, Hoss. I'm done. It's impossible to talk to people who demand to have their own facts.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Most people aren't going to actually admit that they think a man crying is bad or unpalatable, because _logically _they recognize that it's unfair. But when the situation actually comes up, it's another story, for most people. Also there's a difference between shedding a few tears occasionally over a death or a sad movie or whatever, and outright bawling like a baby on a regular basis. Most people will be uncomfortable with the latter and will think he's being a weak crybaby.

I find it very hard to cry, even when I'm trying to. The last time I was able to cry was 2 years ago, and I've only cried about 3 or 4 times since I was a little kid. But even if I could, I would never be caught dead crying in front of someone. And anyway, it's not like they could help me with my problems, and it would just put a burden on them if they knew about them. That's why I just keep it to myself and deal with it on my own.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

No everyone had feelings. It takes a stronger man, or any person for that matter, to cry show their feelings and cry. .


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> What do you mean "people"? What are we actually talking about?


You really want to get into a philosophical discussion about what the term "people" represents? Is that seriously necessary? I'm all for deep discussion, but to me that just seems superfluous (and evasive on your part, if I'm being honest).



WineKitty said:


> I don't cry in public arenas as a spectator sport--does anyone? But among friends, family, or sig others --yes. *I don't even know what you are talking about*.


If you don't know what I'm talking about, then what exactly are you reacting to or against? I'm confused.



WineKitty said:


> *Except you want to cling to your nonsensical ideals. * Have it at, Hoss. I'm done. It's impossible to talk to people who demand to have their own facts.


What nonsensical ideals? That male-crying is treated differently from female-crying in our society? And that males, for the most part, aren't exactly totally accepting of other males crying? If these weren't true, then threads like this wouldn't even exist to begin with. No one would even think to ask the question that the thread poses.

But if you can demonstrate that these things are totally false, I'd be happy to retract what I've said. I think you're going to have a hard time doing that, though.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Women get looked down for crying if they do it at work. Especially if the woman is in a position of power, they get ridiculed for it.


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## nautilus (Aug 21, 2012)

^ I second this. Just because women are _expected_ to cry more, doesn't mean it isn't still seen as a sign of weakness. Come to think of it, while I absolutely hate crying in public, if I did wind up crying in front of a bunch random people, I'd be a lot more uncomfortable if they were all males than if they were all females. In fact, I've been in situations like that before, and I definitely worked harder to hide my emotions around guys when having a disagreement. Hmm, very interesting to think about.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> ^^Easily one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this site and so juvenile. :roll


So a dude crying because a grocery doesn't carry his favorite ice cream is acceptable? Give me a break.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

No, I would never look down on someone for crying, let alone leave them! That's quite a harsh response to someone feeling vulnerable actually.

But I do understand, that stigma exists and to be honest, I think it's kind of stupid. People keep associating being emotional for women but seriously, having emotional responses or feelings is a human thing. Everyone feels pain, joy, sadness, excitement, anger, etc. it's just that men are conditioned growing up that expressing these things is "unmanly" and that they should be strong.

However, being emotionless and holding things back has its drawbacks. The emotion builds up, and you don't learn how to communicate effectively when something is wrong. I think holding back emotions can be hard when you're feeling like you're breaking down, but letting yourself be vulnerable is even harder because you're opening yourself to judgment.

So if a guy were to be honest with me about his emotions, what's going on in his mind/life, I'd only respect him more and want to support him however I could.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

This is a bit ridiculous.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

theseventhkey said:


> So a dude crying because a grocery doesn't carry his favorite ice cream is acceptable? Give me a break.


Give me a break. Who the **** cries over that?  :roll Sorry, my mistake. I thought this was a serious conversation. :roll :fall


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> You really want to get into a philosophical discussion about what the term "people" represents? Is that seriously necessary? I'm all for deep discussion, but to me that just seems superfluous (and evasive on your part, if I'm being honest).


I am getting tired of the few conversations I have had with you and am about ready to put you on ignore. It's one thing to have a discussion but quite another to make assumptions about me. "Evasive" isn't a term I think most would apply to me. Try to keep your assumptions and wrong assertions about me out of it.

I meant people in as what forum are we talking about? Is it the example of the guy crying over the market not having Chubby Hubby like asked above? Or are we talking about more intimate arenas such as among family and friends. What you said indicated public sobbing which unless a major crisis is happening, would make people uncomfortable whether or not it was a male or female.



> If you don't know what I'm talking about, then what exactly are you reacting to or against? I'm confused.


Yes you are confused. You took this out of context as it belonged with the previous quote. But thanks for trying to chop up my words to suit yourself.



> But if you can demonstrate that these things are totally false, I'd be happy to retract what I've said. I think you're going to have a hard time doing that, though.


No you won't retract what you said no matter what. I already posted a study about the changing attitudes of this over the last 20 years. Please use your scroll to remember what I wrote and again, WHAT YOU WROTE. You seem to have a short memory as you made a sweeping judgement earlier in this thread. Please reread before you quote me again.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> Men:
> 
> If you're crying because you've just lost a loved one, that's acceptable.
> 
> ...


I will repost this to remind you what YOU said, yet again.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Honestly I have a weakness for it, I wouldn't want a guy who cried all the time (I'm sure guys don't want a woman who cries all the time). And I definitely wouldn't appreciate it as a manipulation tactic. That said, when a guy I like seems like he's upset and fighting back tears I just want to wrap my arms around and hug him. So would this theoretical guy let me do that? I would hate the feeling of helplessness at not being able to comfort him... if he didn't. Other than that, I am in NO place to judge I cry fairly easily so yeah... (that said I have odd taste I tend to like the guys that my 'pretty' friends tend to find annoying...)


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

lightningstorm said:


> *Would you look down on him or leave him, if your boyfriend / husband cries because he is having some major problems in his life and is having a hard time fixing them?* I understand that a man has to be emotionally stronger than a woman, but when he is an adult, he can't get his parents support and is left alone all by himself, and most often he will have to pass harsh cruelties of life. What would you do? Would you look down on him and leave him for good and find a better man who doesnt cry because his life is so much better compared to other people?
> 
> I am trying to see if its a stigma when a grown up man cries. In our society a man crying shows how weak he is and how his is losing his masculinity.


THIS is the original post. Had nothing to do with not _finding ice cream _or _crying on the city subway_ as some have tried to twist it. This is someone sharing their feelings with their sig other in private. I am sure anyone would tire of a daily occurrence of this but sometimes when life is just overwhelming it is actually physically helpful to cry.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

WineKitty said:


> THIS is the original post. Had nothing to do with *not* _*finding ice cream* _or _crying on the city subway_ as some have tried to twist it. This is someone sharing their feelings with their sig other in private. I am sure anyone would tire of a daily occurrence of this but sometimes when life is just overwhelming it is actually physically helpful to cry.


 :rofl
Sorry to contribute to the derailing of this thread, but seriously, where _did_ this come from? I think everyone, regardless of their view on gender constructs and whether people should conform to them, would agree that this is unacceptable - or at least undesirable - in a partner.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Unkn0wn Pleasures said:


> Sorry to contribute to the derailing of this thread, but seriously, where _did_ this come from? I think everyone, regardless of their view on gender constructs and whether people should conform to them, would agree that this is unacceptable - or at least undesirable - in a partner.


1. It came from a post above. I am not randomly adding ****, use the scroll.

2. What is gender constructs? I am not familiar with that term. 

3. Are you talking about ice cream or the original post? I was trying to get the thread back to the original question instead of the derailing that has been going on but never ****ing mind.

4. The Original Poster asked a valid question. Too bad the thread, like so many on SAS, went to ****.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

i once didnt cry for 8 yrs... and during thta time i never had a girl friend... this shows that girls want a guy that crys ever now and then (that was a joke, but seriously i highly doubt they would care as long as ur not crying to them every other day over menial ****)


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> I am getting tired of the few conversations I have had with you and am about ready to put you on ignore.


Feel free to do so. I don't see why that would be necessary, just because I happen to have a point of view that you disagree with.



WineKitty said:


> Try to keep your assumptions and wrong assertions about me out of it.





WineKitty said:


> No you won't retract what you said no matter what.


I leave these two statements to speak for themselves.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> Give me a break. Who the **** cries over that? :roll Sorry, my mistake. I thought this was a serious conversation. :roll :fall


hey but you say a man crying over anything is totally cool, because it's so "overwhelming" so "HYPOTHETICALLY" if a man can't find his favorite ice cream and puts on the waterworks because it's all so "overwhelming" you mean to tell me you're okay with that?! Women, it's something wrong with you all :teeth.......I don't even know what to write......Give a freaking break.:no


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

theseventhkey said:


> *hey but you say a man crying over anything is totally cool*, because it's so "overwhelming" so "HYPOTHETICALLY" if a man can't find his favorite ice cream and puts on the waterworks because it's all so "overwhelming" you mean to tell me you're okay with that?! Women, it's something wrong with you all :teeth.......I don't even know what to write......Give a freaking break.:no


Nope that isn't what I said at all. Try again.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> Nope that isn't what I said at all. Try again.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> Feel free to do so. I don't see why that would be necessary, just because I happen to have a point of view that you disagree with.


Again, you try to twist my words. I get tired of that. You don't have a "different point of view" when you make erroneous judgements that are proven to be erroneous with facts. Also assumptions about me personally to detract from the subject matter. This isn't the first time you have done that. You seem to forget what you write within a few posts, we retread old ground over and over, you make personal comments about me when you don't know the first thing about me. This isn't the first thread it's happened in. People disagree with me all the time; I don't care about that. But I prefer to have conversations with people who actually base their statements in fact. I get bored with circular conversations which seem to happen with you. This isn't just about this thread. I am done with this thread and if you don't like what I say please just hit the ignore button and I will do the same.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

theseventhkey said:


> hey but you say* a man crying over anything is totally cool,* because it's so "overwhelming" so "HYPOTHETICALLY" i*f a man can't find his favorite ice cream* and puts on the waterworks because it's all so "overwhelming" you mean to tell me you're okay with that?! *Women, it's something wrong with you all* :teeth.......I don't even know what to write......Give a freaking break.:no


Again, I was referring to the original post, I didn't say what you saying. Put up all the GIFs you want.


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## Ender (Aug 5, 2012)

I cried in front of my wife two weeks ago, my German Sheppard died, I felt that was an OK thing to cry about. I don't think she would be thrilled if I stared crying weekly (or over ice cream) but she has been pretty cool so far.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

PathologicalSigher said:


> I never thought that, or even said that. Talk about reporting wrong.
> 
> The fact is that people in general react differently to a woman crying versus a man crying. One has to keep that in mind when expressing one's emotions.
> 
> I myself believe that a man should be able to openly express his more vulnerable emotions without fear of criticism or judgment. But I won't fool myself into thinking that the majority of people agree with me on that point.


You're on the right track.


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## The Dark Knight (Nov 16, 2012)

This thread has drifted off topic and turned into conflicts.


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