# Everything is my fault



## Molydeus (Nov 12, 2003)

I feel as though everything that happens to me or anyone I know is my fault.

If someone is mean to me it's because I deserve it, or because I did something to them first. If someone doesn't return an email or message it's my fault for something I did or something I didn't do. If someone is having a bad day it's my fault for not having done more.

I have some examples. About a year and a half ago my grandmother was attending a function where my brother lives (he has Downs Syndrome and lives in a home) and she was pushed down by another resident. The fall caused her to get a broken hip and she had to have surgery to have a metal plate put in. I was invited to this function and did not go because there are too many people there. I have always felt that it is my fault that happened, if I had gone then she may have not been pushed. Maybe I would have been behind her and the kid would have pushed me, or I could have caught her, there are many variables. It is my fault that happened to her.

If someone is having a bad day at work it's my fault because I should have worked more overtime to get my work done so I could help with theirs. All of the overtime I work is unpaid because it is not manager approved, it is my fault because I should be able to get my work done in a regular work day. I know I'm a bad employee because I won't talk on the phone, people think I am weird and I know that I am. 

Having anxiety all the time is my fault. Everyone has anxiety and they are just able to deal with it better than I am. There is nothing different about me, I am just defective because I can't deal with things like normal people. I shouldn't say defective, because that would indicate there is nothing I can do about it when there is. 

I don't know that this is really a secondary disorder or what. Take it a step further. Since I posted this someone might read it, that might cause them to be late for something because the post is long and they might want to finish reading it before leaving. Someone might read the post, then realize they are like that too which would make them think negatively about themselves. That is my fault for having posted this.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

It's not your fault. Seriously, it's not. Anxiety and depression have a way of making us think that we're at fault for everything, even things that we have no control over. 

Your grandmother falling and breaking her hip isn't your fault... did you push her down? Did you tell someone to push her down? No. I understand where you're coming from, I honestly do.

I used to feel guilty for all sorts of things, that if I had been there, if I had done one thing instead of another that horrible things might never have happened but... I realized that that was wrong thinking. 

It's hard, I know, feeling that you're responsible but, no one is responsible for absolutely everything and you're putting yourself into that position. I used to feel that my Dad was angry all the time because of something that I did or didn't do... that if I had done better in school that he would be happier or that if I had just been a little faster at work, it would have made everyone's day just a little better. 

You're only human and you're not responsible for everything that goes wrong.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

I blame myself for things too. I was cussed out recently. I just was angry at first. Now I'm so depressed I can barely get out of bed, and I feel like everything is my fault. I know that subconsciously I blame myself for getting cussed out, even when consiously I tell myself I shouldn't. 

:sigh


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