# CBT: your type of inner critic?



## roverred (Dec 23, 2007)

I was reading some post here and they treated their inner critic as separate from themselves and angry.Their critic would be someone mentally abusing them using and they would confront that critic. 

For me, my inner critic would be myself talking to myself with very low self-esteem and self-loathing. I tend to challenge my beliefs in a comforting manner. 

Trying the first type of critic definitely feels more impacting. So how do you view your critic? Do you think the type of critic matters or reveals something about yourself?

Also when you get negatively emotional, do you make sure to let your critic speak first before countering it? It's been very habitual for me to jump to the countering the negative thoughts because I already know the root reasons why I'm feeling that way, but I'm not sure that is good.


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## rainbowOne (Sep 26, 2010)

I'm not sure I have an 'inner critic', I just like to think I'm honest with myself.


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## rainbowOne (Sep 26, 2010)

Well, I don't know really, I guess it'll always be the person I think I am, we'll always see ourselves different to how others see us.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

roverred said:


> I was reading some post here and they treated their inner critic as separate from themselves and angry.Their critic would be someone mentally abusing them using and they would confront that critic.
> 
> For me, my inner critic would be myself talking to myself with very low self-esteem and self-loathing. I tend to challenge my beliefs in a comforting manner.
> 
> ...


I hope it wasn't one of my posts/blogs. Just joking.

(imo) The inner critic comes from internalizing or introjecting parental influences and ideas during your childhood. Some people like to call it the superego. I see the inner critic as _more_ than just moral guidelines tho. For me it _was_ angry but that came directly from abuse I went thru. Over the last few years I have calmed him down very much by first realizibng that even tho he says mean things to me, he actually has my feelings in mind. For example he keeps me from going out and being too social (which seems bad) but in reality, I've been rejected and criticized so much that he is really trying to protect me from further hurt (which is a good or protective thing). The ironic thing is, once I recognized his purpose, he hasn't "yelled" at me and he's given me more freedom. And as a result of that, I've been able to do a little more (slowly over time, but, hey, _before_ I couldn't do siht, so it is an improvement).

I don't see him as something to counter; rather someone to work _with_. I see it as just another part of yourself that may be acting/reacting in an inappropriate way, but still has your interests at heart and so shouldn't be labelled as something to "get rid of" or fight against.

Most of my life there was no "choice" about whether i would listen to him first. That's _all_ I heard. There _was_ no other choice. Even later in life, when I found another way to see things, the inner critic didn't just go away by will power--I still had to deal with how he felt.

@joinmartin--I think what keeps us from thinking we are God or walking out into traffic is common sense, not an inner critic. Your definition is so much different than what I have read and experienced...:um


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> Given the power of the inner critic, common sense would have to pass through it somehow
> 
> Why not walk through traffic? Because it's a bad idea? And who tells you that? It might not be the inner critic on its own but it's still there speaking somewhere.


Oh, I think I see what you mean. I guess I see the inner critic as more narrowly focused on protecting a person from psychological harm rather than encompassing all possible types of harm (like getting run over).


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## roverred (Dec 23, 2007)

Thank everyone, it really has got me thinking now.

I was referring to this internal dialogue jiminity posted lol:

*CRITIC: Cheez your such a loser aren't you ? Let's see: you have no girlfriend, you've never kissed a girl, and your still a bloody virgin. What have you been doing with your sad, patheric life ?

TARGET: Well when you look at my life through the lens of the culture of this country, you will see me as sad and pathetic.

CRITIC: If I were you I'd have shot or hung myself 20 years ago.

TARGET: Well that's shows the difference between you and me, doesn't it ? You're life without those things is far more meaningless than mine.

CRITIC: It sure does, you can't even get laid even if you wanted to!

TARGET: Your absolutely correct. I've wanted to get laid for years but am just incapable of it.

CRITIC: Well have you even tried ?

TARGET: Sort of but I usually chicken out.

CRITIC: Wait a minute. How can you be 40 years old and have not been laid once. You MUST be gay.

TARGET: Gay ? Nope! I just have no real technique and just know I will end up making a fool of myself all the time and then just get rejected.

CRITIC: You are one serious LOSER!

TARGET: You're not wrong there! I have been a loser all my life when it comes to the ladies. You got any tips ?

CRITIC: You're 40 man! How am I going to help YOU ?

TARGET: Well let's say I was your age what would you tell me ?

CRITIC: I don't know, just go for it.

TARGET: Thanks!

CRITIC: Your welcome.
*

Jiminity's conclusion here is what I suppose you two meant when talking about getting the critic to support you? Is the goal of this to condition the critic? It definitely makes more sense than my old way of trying to silence him. I usually argue with him until he has no rational responses but that doesn't rewire the critic I guess.


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## mooseick (Aug 11, 2010)

i have a big and mean angry critic inside my head. talks to me all the time... :/


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

Pam said:


> (imo) The inner critic comes from internalizing or introjecting parental influences and ideas during your childhood. Some people like to call it the superego. I see the inner critic as _more_ than just moral guidelines tho. For me it _was_ angry but that came directly from abuse I went thru.
> 
> ...
> 
> @joinmartin--I think what keeps us from thinking we are God or walking out into traffic is common sense, not an inner critic. Your definition is so much different than what I have read and experienced...:um


I read a book in high school, o so many years ago, called "Transactional Analysis" (or maybe it was "I'm Okay, You're Okay"). If I remember right, the author broke down the ego into child, adult, parent and "Pig Parent". The "Pig Parent" label struck me as I have a very strong, harsh inner critic for similar reasons as Pam.

Agreed on the last point as well. Common sense and inner critic are completely different.

I was wondering today about why I react to complete stranger's negative words/actions toward me and how I could change that. I was wondering how I could stop caring about the opinions of people who don't mean anything to me WITHOUT becoming a jerk. I guess I need to deal with the inner critic first?


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> Given the power of the inner critic, common sense would have to pass through it somehow
> 
> Why not walk through traffic? Because it's a bad idea? And who tells you that? It might not be the inner critic on its own but it's still there speaking somewhere.


It's the difference between your inner adult, and your inner "Pig Parent".

So, pretend your ego was having a conversation you could actually record.

Your inner child might say: "Oh I wanna go play in da street!"

Your adult might say: "Let's do something fun but safe instead, lets head to the bookstore."

Your parent might say: "No, DON'T play in the street!"

Your pig parent might say: "You little twit, don't go into the street unless you want to get killed. Although in your case, maybe that would be a good idea."


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## upndownboi (Oct 7, 2010)

very interesting discussion


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