# Do you believe in marriage?



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Do you believe or disbelieve in marriage? Meaning, do you approve or disprove of marriage? Please give your reasoning.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Sure, for the right reason.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Marriage is a ceremonial way of telling someone special that you'll be sharing the rest of your lives together, and because of that I think it's great. I don't think it's necessary, but it makes me happy to see people put forth that level of commitment and actually mean it.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

I'm not against it, like I don't shun others for doing it or anything, I just don't care for it. It's not necessary, in my opinion.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

I am for marriage but I have some interesting viewpoints on it as opposed to other Christians.

For instance I don't think the legal paperwork is necessary. Marriage used to be a church ritual, not a legal thing. The legal paperwork does provide some safety precautions and benefits, I just don't see how it should be necessary to report your marriage to the government. I can see why it changed however with deadbeat husbands, fathers, domestic abuse, adultery, bigamy, etc... just it didn't start out that way.

I don't think either that a huge wedding is necessary. For Christians, as long as you have a preacher and a couple witnesses I'd say you're fine... the point is vows before God and that assembly that you will be true to each other death do you part. And those that do divorce? The guidelines for what is acceptable reason for divorce is written in Scripture. Do I think that people who divorce are going to hell? No. But I do think that people don't hold their vows seriously enough at all. Treat God as a witness.

For non-Christian weddings, do whatever... the point of marriage is a lifetime commitment however and I think that no fault divorce should not exist. Divorce over adultery? Yes. Divorce over abuse? Yes. Divorce because he hasn't landed a job yet? No. 

I am married, we had a civil ceremony because my family did not approve of my choice. They wanted to arrange a marriage for me. We were also homeless at the time we married because our families didn't want to help us get together in any way. We firmly believed that we were supposed to marry, and when we did things started moving. We were homeless for a total of three months in an area where it normally takes about five years to get out of it. We did not have help from homeless agencies either... we feel that God literally found places we could go and though they were often at the last moment we were always provided for. Then my husband was approved for SSI and we used that to get on our feet. 

Anyway... sorry for derailing the topic...


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

neutral


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Yeah, I believe in marriage. I also believe in herpes. I believe in lots of things.

I got a full education on what herpes & other STDs are in my 6th grade, one-day crash course in sex ed class some 30 years ago.

I'm learning a lot lately about what marriage is about. Or, more what it's not about.

I plan on staying away from both. Forever.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I'm kind of split on the matter. I am a hopeless romantic, so the "pairing up" thing and making a big deal of it seems nice. But, I do have a pragmatic side that screams its throat out about what a horrendous idea it is to enter a marriage.

And common-law marriage needs to be abolished. No, I am not married to someone just because I shacked up with them for a few years.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I wouldn't mind getting married, but the divorce track record is scary. I guess i would rather stay not married until we both know for sure it's the right decision.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

You can't foretell a divorce, so there's no "if you really really love them etc".

When people marry they usually do "really really think that they're soulmates & other lovey-dovey crap etc and they'll stay together for life".

So the wisest course of action would be to not enter into a marriage at all. Ever.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

heroin said:


> You can't foretell a divorce, so there's no "if you really really love them etc".
> 
> When people marry they usually do "really really think that they're soulmates & other lovey-dovey crap etc and they'll stay together for life".
> 
> So the wisest course of action would be to not enter into a marriage at all. Ever.


Yeah, you've got a point. Example, I really don't know how my (ex)wife & I could have been more "sure".

We went out, lived together for 6 years before we got married. The marriage lasted 11 years before it all went to hell in a few months timespan.

I really don't think human beings are meant to be monogamous.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

Nothing says "I love you" like a legally binding contract!

Honestly, no. Just no. There are other ways to manage inheritence and who has to deal with your corpse, keep the lawyers and the holymen out of peoples personal relationships, says I!


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Logan X said:


> I wouldn't mind getting married, but the divorce track record is scary. I guess i would rather stay not married until we both know for sure it's the right decision.


Yeah, it seems as though everyone that gets married, gets divorced sooner or later. It just takes away from the idea of marriage. It renders marriage pointless. And it makes it a lot more difficult to get out of when things start to go wrong 'cause the law is involved.



TenYears said:


> Yeah, you've got a point. Example, I really don't know how my (ex)wife & I could have been more "sure".
> 
> We went out, lived together for 6 years before we got married. The marriage lasted 11 years before it all went to hell in a few months timespan.
> 
> I really don't think human beings are meant to be monogamous.


I really don't think human beings were meant to be monogamous either. It seems like we placed those constraints on ourselves. I'm not saying the idea of monogamy is wrong or that I don't like it. It just seems as though that is the truth.



Revenwyn said:


> I am for marriage but I have some interesting viewpoints on it as opposed to other Christians.
> 
> For non-Christian weddings, do whatever... the point of marriage is a lifetime commitment however and I think that no fault divorce should not exist. Divorce over adultery? Yes. Divorce over abuse? Yes. Divorce because he hasn't landed a job yet? No.


But what if you're no longer in love? What if that feeling of love fades and there wasn't exactly a "fault" in order for them to get divorced?

I know it probably sounds mean, but I wouldn't stick around if I realized the guy wasn't planning on helping out financially. Like if he looked as though he wasn't even looking for a job (after a while), I would get -for lack of better words- extremely annoyed.

So in short, no, I don't believe in marriage. Do you really need a legal commitment/religious ceremony to say that you are in love? If you are in love, isn't that enough? It's like we need the confirmation that marriage gives us. Marriage tells us that the spouse is going to have to stick around unless they want to go through the tedious process of getting a divorce. It's like a spider web really.


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## bornwild (Apr 27, 2011)

> Do you believe in marriage?


Not really, anymore. Unless it's for legal reasons.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

I'm neutral. I don't believe in it for the love reasons... I wont just get married because "i love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life." because why do you need marriage for that, exactly? You don't. I will get married one of these days for the benefits that come with it though. We will probably just go to vegas and elope. lol.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

100% AGAINST it! I believe they should do away with it entirely. 
I just don't see the point. Most of the time it ends in divorce anyway(did for me!)... sure there are some people(my parents) who stayed married a long time and will until death...but I just dont think it's necessary. Divorce isn't cheap, and I'd never do it again...unless it was to a rich old man, one foot in the grave, one on a banana peel.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

TenYears said:


> We went out, lived together for 6 years before we got married. The marriage lasted 11 years before it all went to hell in a few months timespan.
> 
> I really don't think human beings are meant to be monogamous.


Assuming you didn't live together till you were both adults that would mean it couldn't have ended before age 35.

The "till death do us part" thing worked so much better long ago when at least one of you'd have a good chance of being dead by the ripe old age of 35, rendering a life-long commitment not all that long.

I suspect other aspects of modern life also make marriage harder. One wasn't likely to think "Am I happy with my spouse" back in an era when more pressing issues like "Am I going to starve to death next winter" occupy their mind.

My parents were married for 54 years, with my father's death ending it. They might have been happy at some point, though I'm sure not old enough to have seen any such time. They demonstrated how marriage can last a lifetime if one totally gives up and accepts being married to somebody they don't much like.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Yes, I do. It's not for everyone though.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Neutral.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

People have the right to marry, but its not for me.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Yes, though single.


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## crsohr (Dec 30, 2010)

Mercurochrome said:


> People have the right to marry, but its not for me.


I feel the same way about it. To each their own but I don't really see the point personally, seems like a waste of money to me. Just attending a wedding is hard enough let alone being the center of attention for one, god no!


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

CabecitaSilenciosa said:


> I'm not against it, like I don't shun others for doing it or anything. I just don't care for it. It's not necessary, in my opinion.


This is how I feel. I can see why some people are all for it, but it's not for me, I think.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

crsohr said:


> I feel the same way about it. To each their own but I don't really see the point personally, seems like a waste of money to me. Just attending a wedding is hard enough let alone being the center of attention for one, god no!


You can get married and have a very small ceremony or just the justice of the peace. I did a justice of the peace ceremony with just one other witness, later on we had a renewal of vows and had about twelve people present.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

Live Laugh Love said:


> But what if you're no longer in love? What if that feeling of love fades and there wasn't exactly a "fault" in order for them to get divorced?
> 
> I know it probably sounds mean, but I wouldn't stick around if I realized the guy wasn't planning on helping out financially. Like if he looked as though he wasn't even looking for a job (after a while), I would get -for lack of better words- extremely annoyed.
> 
> So in short, no, I don't believe in marriage. Do you really need a legal commitment/religious ceremony to say that you are in love? If you are in love, isn't that enough? It's like we need the confirmation that marriage gives us. Marriage tells us that the spouse is going to have to stick around unless they want to go through the tedious process of getting a divorce. It's like a spider web really.


True love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment. Seems to me that most people nowadays don't know what commitment is. Yes, I agree, being in love needs to be there, but when it fades, you live off of the commitment you made to each other and do everything possible to get the feeling back. And it CAN come back. But lots of times people are very shallow in their commitment to begin with. They do things that deliberately hurt the other person. Or if not deliberately they open themselves up to the temptation of others. Most marriages fail because of one reason: The man won't give up porn, and the woman won't give him any. That's how it starts. Then the man becomes increasingly bitter and angry, and eventually his anger becomes out of control. I'm not saying that women never abuse, but when they do it's mostly emotional abuse.

YES marriage is hard work, and NO it is not easy. People "fall in love" for the wrong reasons and usually don't have any hard times with that person before they marry them- we survived a four and a half year long distance relationship where we saw each other one week per year on average, where I saw him nearly die from lupus, where I saw his mind deteriorate further and further... but I stuck with him. By the way, all this was just in our ENGAGEMENT.

It was hard. It took my full commitment. When you marry it's for "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health (physical, mental) til death do us part."

Unless you believe in the version that says "as long as love shall last" in which case it's not a marriage at all.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Revenwyn said:


> Yes, I agree, *being in love needs to be there,* but when it fades, you live off of the commitment you made to each other and do everything possible to get the feeling back.


If marriage is just a commitment, then why put (romantic) love into the equation in the first place?


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> If marriage is just a commitment, then why put (romantic) love into the equation in the first place?


I did not say that it is JUST a commitment. Neither did I say that it's just a feeling. However without commitment you will eventually leave the person no matter how "in love" you were at the beginning stages of the relationship. The "in love" stage is biologically set to last no more than two years... but there are ways to extend it.

I will admit, mostly I put romantic love into the equation because my family did not believe one should base their marriage on whether the couple has romantic love. I was very nearly forced into an arranged marriage where I did not love the man. I had no feelings for him. I didn't hate him, didn't love him, I would talk to him occasionally but mostly talk to his dog. After that experience (which I ran away from) I decided that when I did marry I would marry someone I loved... but like I said, love means being willing to work things out, not leaving in the face of adversity.

Am I dumb enough to say that if someone is abused that they should stay with them? No. Far be it. But every marriage is going to have their tough times. Every relationship is going to have their tough times and without commitment you could look back ten years down the line to find that you left what was mostly a good relationship for a very stupid reason.

Just my 2 shiny Lincolns.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Revenwyn said:


> I did not say that it is JUST a commitment. Neither did I say that it's just a feeling. However without commitment you will eventually leave the person no matter how "in love" you were at the beginning stages of the relationship. The "in love" stage is biologically set to last no more than two years... but there are ways to extend it.
> 
> I will admit, mostly I put romantic love into the equation because my family did not believe one should base their marriage on whether the couple has romantic love. I was very nearly forced into an arranged marriage where I did not love the man. I had no feelings for him. I didn't hate him, didn't love him, I would talk to him occasionally but mostly talk to his dog. After that experience (which I ran away from) I decided that when I did marry I would marry someone I loved... but like I said, love means being willing to work things out, not leaving in the face of adversity.
> 
> ...


I think I get what you're saying here. I would say commitment/love can overlap, not necesarrily mutually exclusive, but I think commitment is what keeps you from giving up. Especially during the really brutal, really tough times, when it'd be easier to just walk away.

Deciding whether you're in an abusive relationship is sometimes a no-brainer, & sometimes there can be sort of a gray area there, IMO. Physical abuse is obviously, well, abuse. No one should put up with that, to me that's a deal-breaker, if a guy ever hit his wife or g/f, it's over. Before I finally gave up on me & my (ex)wife, I found myself taking a lot of emotional jabs, a lot of being stabbed in the back. Two affairs, that I know of. Basically using me for whatever she could, to watch the kids for ex, & then partying until 3am with her boyfriends, going to work, sleeping after work, & then repeat the same thing over again, just about everey night. I refused to give up, I kept telling myself that it's easy to give up, that's why so many people end up divorced. I put up with her, kept trying to work things out for a year. At some point there's no hope left anymore, it's best just to walk away. I do think, also, that too many people give up too easy.


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## wmw87 (Apr 20, 2011)

> I did not say that it is JUST a commitment. Neither did I say that it's just a feeling. However without commitment you will eventually leave the person no matter how "in love" you were at the beginning stages of the relationship. The "in love" stage is biologically set to last no more than two years... but there are ways to extend it.
> 
> I will admit, mostly I put romantic love into the equation because my family did not believe one should base their marriage on whether the couple has romantic love. I was very nearly forced into an arranged marriage where I did not love the man. I had no feelings for him. I didn't hate him, didn't love him, I would talk to him occasionally but mostly talk to his dog. After that experience (which I ran away from) I decided that when I did marry I would marry someone I loved... but like I said, love means being willing to work things out, not leaving in the face of adversity.


I think you nailed it. Good point about the time-limit on "love." I have read that before, somewhere.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Marriage is a legal issue and a piece of paper. It has nothing to do with whether a relationship survives or not except to make some people live in misery in order to avoid divorce and other legal issues. It has nothing to do with quality of the relationship. If I promise forever the promise is the same with or without a piece of paper saying so especially when that piece of paper can be cancelled. Therefore it is completely unnecessary except for it's usefulness getting on someone's insurance.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I absolutely believe in marriage... it just doesn't believe in me.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I don't know. I mean I have not had a relationship so how do I actually believe in marriage if I haven't walked the first step?


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

No. I dont need a ring and a piece of paper to prove i want to be with someone.


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## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

I'm for marriage. I would love to get married someday.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

I'm for marriage. Several older people I know have been married only once (for 20+ years), I hope one day the same could happen for me.

Just because you're not married doesn't mean a breakup won't be messy or involve court or have financial costs, especially if there are kids and/or joint properties involved.



nemesis1 said:


> No. I dont need a ring and a piece of paper to prove i want to be with someone.


But for a few thousand legal rights (like visiting a SO in the hospital or inheritance rights) that come with marriage you do.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I believe in marriage. I actually prefer marriage over having children. I'd rather deal with a divorce without kids involved than getting separated and having baby-momma dramas. 

Some see it as just a ring and a piece of paper but it'd be more than that to me. It would force me to be even more committed and more devoted to the relationship. Maybe if the men in my town believe in marriage there wouldn't be so many unwed single mothers here, where I live. I know being married won't immune you from breaking up or getting separated but knowing there's so many legal issues you'll have to deal with during a divorce should force you to keep the relationship as strong as possible.


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## Aloysius (Jul 16, 2008)

Not really. However, my opinion could possibly change if I found a special someone.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I see marriage as something which simply puts the love between two people onto paper however it's not necessary to create the bond between two as that should exist with or without being married. It wouldn't change anything between myself and my loved one, would just be a nice way to make the relationship "official" to society I suppose. I certainly aim to get married myself someday


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

I disapprove of it for myself. Though if the government brings in tax breaks for married couples, I'd approve of a sham marriage for myself.

As for marriage and other people, I'm neutral. Some people find it pointless, some people find it useful, some people find it joyful. Therefore, it's all those things.


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## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

I believe in it, but it has to be the right person, however long that takes to find that person. 

The chemicals of attraction and euphoria of finding the right person needs to be put into perspective, meaning, know going into the courtship that that feeling is caused by chemicals and will not last forever. After those chemicals wear off, that is a real testing period for many people. Since people are selfish, they want all those chemicals back, so they bring things into the marriage to get that feeling if they do not get it from their partner. 

This is where love becomes a verb; it is active. You start putting the other person first, doing nice things just because, little tokens of affection, and it gets reciprocated and becomes a ping pong of giving and giving back. It stokes the fires again. Just keep playing that game back and forth for the rest of your lives and then you have a nice partner to go through life with. Of course this is ideal, often times not reality. I don't agree with the fact it has become another way for the government to profit, but oh well.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

Why would anyone "disapprove of marriage"? Consenting adults can enter into any contract they want together.


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## strato86 (May 12, 2011)

Do I believe in it? It exists, doesn't it?


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## J.T. (Jan 9, 2009)

Neutral. I think the most important thing is honesty. If both parties agree to have a monogamous relationship, it shouldn't matter what legal documents have or have not been signed.

I also think it is OK to want to change lovers if you're no longer in love .. *BUT, *people should NEVER cheat. If they want to be with someone else, they should talk to their significant other and end that relationship before moving on to another. This kind or commitment and honesty should occur regardless of marriage or no marriage.

The only time being in more than one relationship at once is OK is if there is a mutual agreement of infidelity, e.g., Swingers? I think that's what they call it?


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Do I believe in it [succeeding] yes.. and believe in it in general, of course, marriages happen they exhist. Althought 50% fail. People don't talk about a ****-load of important **** before they run to the altar then act surprised when their hubby went and blew the line of credit for the house on a new SUV even though he SAID he wanted to save all this money so they can have a baby etc.. People SAY ALOT OF BS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. NOT WHAT U SAY ITS WHAT YOU DO! Naive people believe this and think "Well why would anyone lie to me like that?", and it happens so often it's so sad. That's what happened to my mother's marriage, and my first serious relationship.. words arn't **** lol.
People get so mad at their partners when they find out unrealised unconcious perceptions they had about them being so 'ideal' that there is a huge anger towards their partner that can cause a massive drift. So yeah, it's really important to have discussions, be realistic - it's not a ****ing fairytale, they're not perfect, they're not there to save you (stupid media spewing **** we have all heard of when we were young) - then it totally can work. But a lot of people in general are retarded, bitter from their past/argumentative, and/or naive. That is why it is 50%, not because people get divorced easily nowadays (people would've way back then if it was socially acceptable I'm sure), it's that people are still retarded as ever as a whole and they expect things to fall in their lap. And they never want to talk about money either like it's some holy off topic thing.. but when you're married what if you want to go on a trip once a year and they're all like wanting to save up for something and don't care about travelling.. don't you think over time someone is going to get resentful who isn't getting their way.. how do you compromise on something like that? You can't. There are bottom liners and people need to know themselves conciously and unconsciously and not let their issues from childhood depict the type of relationships they will have. They need to take responsibility. If we could all do that I think 99% of them would work. How can you grow apart if you are inlove and always aware and giving effort/showing love (Not just SAYING)? I want to be one of those old people holding hands on a park bench, not a bitter lonely old cat lady posting **** on the interwebz about how marriage is a crock of **** by the time I'm 50. 
/rant ... Lol


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

^ Agree with all of it besides for the 99% deal; I'd say it would be more like 75% even after all of that. 

People are not meant to be with one person for their entire lives; it's just not how we were evolved. Almost no mammals stick with one partner from birth till death; why would humans be any different? 

People change as they age. People drift apart. This is a natural thing. Marriage is unnatural.


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## Brokenxx (Jul 11, 2011)

I wish I could find someone to marry me, lol.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

kathy903 said:


> Do I believe in it [succeeding] yes.. and believe in it in general, of course, marriages happen they exhist. Althought 50% fail. People don't talk about a ****-load of important **** before they run to the altar then act surprised when their hubby went and blew the line of credit for the house on a new SUV even though he SAID he wanted to save all this money so they can have a baby etc.. People SAY ALOT OF BS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. NOT WHAT U SAY ITS WHAT YOU DO! Naive people believe this and think "Well why would anyone lie to me like that?", and it happens so often it's so sad. That's what happened to my mother's marriage, and my first serious relationship.. words arn't **** lol.
> People get so mad at their partners when they find out unrealised unconcious perceptions they had about them being so 'ideal' that there is a huge anger towards their partner that can cause a massive drift. So yeah, it's really important to have discussions, be realistic - it's not a ****ing fairytale, they're not perfect, they're not there to save you (stupid media spewing **** we have all heard of when we were young) - then it totally can work. But a lot of people in general are retarded, bitter from their past/argumentative, and/or naive. That is why it is 50%, not because people get divorced easily nowadays (people would've way back then if it was socially acceptable I'm sure), it's that people are still retarded as ever as a whole and they expect things to fall in their lap. And they never want to talk about money either like it's some holy off topic thing.. but when you're married what if you want to go on a trip once a year and they're all like wanting to save up for something and don't care about travelling.. don't you think over time someone is going to get resentful who isn't getting their way.. how do you compromise on something like that? You can't. There are bottom liners and people need to know themselves conciously and unconsciously and not let their issues from childhood depict the type of relationships they will have. They need to take responsibility. If we could all do that I think 99% of them would work. How can you grow apart if you are inlove and always aware and giving effort/showing love (Not just SAYING)? I want to be one of those old people holding hands on a park bench, not a bitter lonely old cat lady posting **** on the interwebz about how marriage is a crock of **** by the time I'm 50.
> /rant ... Lol


I agree with this. I almost got married at 18 because I was naive even though all the warning signs were there, but it took a LOT to bring me to my senses. :blank Thankfully, it ended up falling through - I shudder to imagine how much worse my life would be if I had gotten married at that point and to that person. :no 
On the other hand, my parents were married 25 years ago and they are VERY happy together. They have one of the most understanding and comfortable relationships of anyone I've seen. They always work as a team and have stuck by each other through every up and down. Compromise is a huge part of the deal. I definitely want to have the type of love and complete trust in another person that they have, one day.


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

Neutral.

It's right for some people, wrong for others. 

In my case it's right, eagerly awaiting having enough funds to actually follow through with it.


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## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

Neutral. To each their own but I'm not doing it.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

If someone wants to get married, I say good for them. I don't agree with the notion that everyone has to get married and that it's the only way to live. You can have a fulfilling relationship without marriage, it's just a formality. I'll never get married.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

I believe in people keeping their promises.

If you promise to stay with a person. You should make a better effort than "I'm not feeling it anymore"


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I believe in marriage if it's for the right reasons, for love and to cement the special bond. Lots of long-term couples I know of that have kids aren't married though, but they may as well be. 
As long as you have the *trust* and are committed to each other, marriage seems old-fashioned and "just a piece of paper" to them. I can understand that.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I find marriage to be a soul-crushing abomination.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

OpiodArmor said:


> ^ Agree with all of it besides for the 99% deal; I'd say it would be more like 75% even after all of that.
> 
> People are not meant to be with one person for their entire lives; it's just not how we were evolved. Almost no mammals stick with one partner from birth till death; why would humans be any different?
> 
> People change as they age. People drift apart. This is a natural thing. Marriage is unnatural.


True, monogamy is not natural, it is an intelligent choice. Made by a species capable of understanding the consequences of bad choices. What's the point of comparing the behavior of humans to that of animals that don't consider long term consequences (such as STD's, taking care of children for 18+ years, property ownership - what other mammals deal with those?)

One reason humans have thrived as a species is because we have not let nature control us. Animals die of diseases while humans create medicine to avoid and cure disease. Is that natural? Even trivial natural things like baldness and acne can be overcome. 

And justifying behavior "because no other mammals do it!" is a pretty poor excuse if you ask me.
I think monogamy is a very intelligent choice.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

absolutely for


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## diomedes (Jul 14, 2011)

People can do whatever they want. I know I want to be married one day. Sharing my life with someone would be the best thing ever.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

I personally do not believe in marriage because nothing lasts forever.


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## mirry (Jul 20, 2011)

Eh, I don't really personally believe in it, but if people want to do it good for them.

My problem with it is that I don't see how I need a piece of paper to prove my love to someone. A piece of paper is not going to do anything if two people are just not meant to be together, and I feel like some people do try to just get married to try to avoid problems or get out of something. I also don't really get weddings.. it just seems like such a waste of money. I don't need a big dress and a fancy reception to show everyone that I love someone.

Of course, there's a girlish part of me that would love to get married to my boyfriend, have a cute little house with him, be his housewife, etc.. I just don't think that would happen.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm straight so it totally fails to excite me.

Marriage seems a top priority for the gay community though. They may want to return it once they get it and find how much marriage really sucks for many. Though gay marriage would give divorce lawyers an even larger market.:lol


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

I don't think its right for me but that doesn't mean it can't work for other people. I don't see it as necessary.


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## Globe_Trekker (Jan 29, 2009)

I think people should be allowed to marry whomever they want. I just don't see the point of it. If two people love each other that should be proof enough in itself. What's the point of a marriage certificate. As far as I'm concerned it's just a piece of paper.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Marriage holds a family unit together - an official no-holds-barred bond. One man and one woman (equal and opposite).


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## NobodysPerfect (May 22, 2011)

Yes I believe totally in marriage. I hope to one day meet someone I can marry when the time is right and with someone I am compatible with. I don't think i'd have children unless I was married or was certain I would get married to the person. I, personally, think children need this kind of unity, if possible.


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## moxosis (Aug 26, 2009)

We have been brainwashed that love exists, it doesn't marriage is just a contract that you are going to stay together, like a pact between countries that they are going to be united, you are going to be there for your partner. Even though chemicals in the brain called love is gone. 

I am not against it but I don't see myself in one. So I am Swiss and voted neutral.


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

I don't care if other people do; it's none of my business. (Unless you're inviting me to your wedding, in which case, there better be an open bar and a couch in the bathroom where I can hide. :b)

Personally, I've always known that marriage was not something I wanted, and after watching my parents, co-workers, aunts and uncles go through legal, financial, and emotional HELL in their divorces, it's definitely helped to solidify that opinion for me. No, I'm never getting married.

To each his or her own, though.

(On an unrelated note -- I read the title the first time as "Do you believe in magic?" and now I'll have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day.)


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

Do I believe in marriage? Meh. I could take it or leave it. My parents got divorced when I was 2, my aunt and uncle are still married and living together while not speaking to each other, etc... Yeah. I was raised by my mom and my grandma which I think is way better than being raised by my mom and dad. Marriage is not for everyone. If I do, it will be a inexpensive secular ceremony.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

my parents are still married and get along. So are .. all 12 of my aunts and uncles...

I don't know what it is with marriage in the USA, but where I live, people still know how to make it work.

(And yes, we do have TV and a women's movement, so it is not a case of our women being brainwashed)


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

EternallyRestless said:


> I personally do not believe in marriage because nothing lasts forever.


^What she said. I wish I thought differently, but unfortunately I'm not enough of a Pollyanna to do so.


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## Cole87 (Aug 15, 2011)

If someone wants to get married that's there choice, but I see no point in 

marriage, in my view you don't need to be married to show someone u love and care for them, saying it or showing it is enough.


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## therunaways (Nov 21, 2010)

I'm okay with others getting married, but for me personally I would never want to get married.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I believe in the loyalty of a fine dog.


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## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

Marriage is a personal choice and I don't judge anyone by that choice, if that makes sense.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yeah, I believe in marriage. I've seen my parents' marriage license. :teeth Okay, that was bad. Anyway, I'm neutral. I don't care if people want to partner up and make it legal. There are benefits to it. I also don't think it's the only way.


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

"I don't wanna be forced into anything for the rest of my life"

"What a great way to be dunked in the same pudding forever."

.. fuuucking hell lol. What a load of dispassionate garbage! Do none of you dream? I'm not one to worship idols but Jesus Christ lol. What a bunch of poetic hearts we have here today:teeth It's not compromise, it's not forcibly fettered on anyone, deffinitely not desperation. I'll tell you what it is. It's not about "making it work" or "to remind you of your love" or "legal rights to the other's property." It's about believing beyond yourself to an extent that the forced doctrinal code accentuates it's beauty. It's a dominated heart bound tightly for the sake of propriety and humiliation and the young dream and purity. It's almost an enforced torment to any heart, to know they are bound to another forever. It's special. It's beauty in the highest sense to know you're damning yourself for life despite the dishonor any human is subject to. If something diddn't work for me in that sense, I'd expect my life to be destroyed lol and, if it wasn't, I'd want to make sure someone was obliged to thrust in dagger in my stead. That's what marriage is to me. I've never written a poem before in my life but for ****s sake I'm going to have to!

For you miss the point, all of you! Marriage is poetry. Why? You can speak a thousand words in a single, but poetry is the urging of the pangs of pain to rush faster, too quickly too shapely for one to get them out in that instant they are required of you, so they decimate themselves before all remaining ego to save another from the same as the next one to pass through the tunnel of marriage. It's the will to know you will destroy yourself if you don't force yourself into the impossible. It's forcing new words to from your chest to speak in tow. 

Too swift of body, to keep up with the grace of a word
nothing today is mine but all deserving fate should bear
the words anew

they took hold of an angel's chest
drifting fiercely in as if to steal her breath and seal it far from my heart
I could not stand to watch her tortured so
to act without me would kill me in my selfishness, 
I had to save her from these words beating her against a cliff
standing still, edged slowly towards the edge of all emptiness in the room
a cliff of no woman
one gust of wind from me, she would fall
my soul forced to take shape
I could not feel it rising
The burden was hollow, I could not envisage
untill it hungered for my soul and battered down the door of my lungs
to fly now, grow wings and climb up inside and swoop to the precise
length of silken misted ice breeze, voluminous buttresses
a gilded swollen form of my angelic wings swept
In search of hunger,
tears waters furthering my singular anguish, evaporated but tilter the mastiff's tongue further towards her death, too subtle but to burn all wholesome vestige of virtue
when they caught the scent,
swelled in that gust of air
I knew I must kill my soul to reach her

my soul would tear itself from my chest to grasp
in a way I could all but despairingly envisage,
with hollow wound, no movement to catch it short
my frozen body torn forth by a wind abreast
to leap and enshrowd her and sink away from me
I must turn into an angel with, my back against the disbelievers
I must perform this sacrilidge and kill them to see my soul's torment
I must know the impossible within the embrace of mere flesh
and quench that hunger with power torn from my chest
morphosis to a gust that made delved deep into pride's mine and sunk down
before changing those waters that sway and singe with fury in movement
but freeze in this plight
and forced this ice from my chest,
and killed them to save her, to catch my mist,
tearing like the wind
and gave them up to catch a grief powerful enough in one stroke
to soothe her hunger and willfully starve myself
and burn my heart to ice
there is no battered swollen pride
so bitten, scarred for life in an instant, so eternal instants rest
dead, collapsed, deserted
as the words drowned inside my soul
I had to save her from their grip without a stare or glimpse of power

so I beat my chest with angels wings and it's pride bled sharply, pierced to overflow
the acidic quality that wept quickened to burn other's away
I now had to save a life with
this violent conversion of force that would all but kill me I knew
batterred by the beat of sonnets' shattering demands
inconstant to the beat of my heart
shook my feet in apprehensive conviction,
last breath stolen from a space strained too wide but forced to strangle itself
through it's eternal jagged passage 

Billowing ice, frozen anguish
the blazing heat of expectation too much for me to bear
I can no less than die for this person that day I knew
I've never looked back compassionately on myself on
too few words to make them mine
silently they glower between their crossing at me
like hungry mastiffs waiting to pounce at one wrong step
they are too shallow to bear the weight, too powerless to appease
but disintegrate in her stricken deep toned skin of my hearts racing
now my hearts racing to become hers
Here the eyes of a wolf blood red fierce,
simply beat my swollen wings at them
they would kill her if I dishonored her an instant
I cannot move but await the pain of eternity
for all to freeze by,
my body's vested strains too,
it had to suffer every former resigned dicapitation
I felt it die inside,
that day to have it torn from it's crevice
it's hands outstretched before an angel
formed it's wings and screamed towards her shoulders
that they were in pain
I could feel them!
they were tightly guarded now
concealed in my chest forever
I could never stand still before you but now my only hope is so
my banished soul shames me
still vanquished the demon summoner on the pulpitt
by eternally sealing itself outside my chest, quilting your body
and caught her and enshrouded her demons with mine
and so I killed myself for her
and in words too short I lost myself to a foreign desert 
so nothing as I expected
where less than humans reside
for I had plucked out my soul and given it up to her care
the highest order of human judgement dismissed, her pain as mine
shattered to the shape of my torn chest moulded to hers,
searching now welled up the single voluminous intent of one
one more aching soul, unfulfilled yet greater hungers presided over both
inseparable hunger

In so few words the arms of my my soul tore out of my chest and rested in you and measured themselves to you precisely
and this the day I lost myself and held myself still flailing,
that instant too fast for me to burden myself at all,
strained my grip by ice cool crevices, breached with all my will!
I could not contain the bowing of my head, the shame of my family 
all knowing of them denied the human in me for eternity
eternally torn in it's frienzied, pierced grasp,
the story of a soul's desecreation


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

I think it's an archaic institution that has outgrown society's needs. BUT if it makes people happy, go for it, I love weddings.

I'd rather not get married just because I'd have some issues with our names.. I wouldn't want to change my name and I don't know how our kids would end up.

i do think that if we have it we should make it available for all persons. 
and i also believe that it is no longer solely a religious matter since there are legal things that go with marriage nowadays.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

I don't care if other people get married, that's their prerogative
Initially I wasn't into the idea of getting married one day but now realise it could be beneficial for immigration, tax, etc reasons. But I don't think two people have to get formally _married_ if they just want to be together for a long time
If I did get married I probably wouldn't wnat a huge ceremony though. Just sign the papers and that's it


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I'm for it because I think it's a way of showing full commitment to another person, which I think is a good thing for the right couple, that is. I'm never getting married though unless I move somewhere far away from my family so that I won't have to ever introduce my significant other to them.


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## Liz446 (May 26, 2013)

No I don't. I'm 28 years old and I believe that you basically choose everything that happens to you including your partner. every person has a specific personality and qualities that are "God given" and we are all unique. If you study ASTROLOGY it makes perfect sense. each person "affects" another in a very specific and peculiar way. people are extremely complex, a person may not know him or herself until the day they die. you may not know your own partner for 30 years and find out hes completely different from what you thought he was. my advice. LEARN ASTROLOGY. all issues are resolved in 2 seconds if people would just UNDERSTAND ASTROLOGICAL CHARTS @*$&&$.we all are one with the world. as above so below, inside like outside. we were born on a planet with earth, sky and planets. these planets influence us. at the time of our birth there was a very specific planetary configuration which describes our core personality and our life is influenced by these energies. then, when you meet someone, its like a chemical reaction that occurs. when you get married, you cant stop or impede you partners "chemical reactions" with other people. however, you can decide to commit to someone because you like the IDEA of what marriage is. there is no such things as "the one" because we are ALL ONE. most of the time people marry for convenience, love, children, security or because they want a married life etc etc. there is so much more to life than that. in my case, i always felt i would have issues with marriage and relationships in this lifetime. the main thing is to follow our hearts. a lot of people walk blindly through life and blindly through a boring conventional marriage. i guess its best to be at one with ourselves and really know what we want. most of the time we don't know what we want. Einstein and alot of "geniuses" believed in astrology. however, to understand it ultimately is not necessary because we are constantly "at one" with the universe. therefore if we accept and embrace ourselves, we accept and embrace all that is, and therefore attract exactly what we were meant to live in our lifetime at every second of our day.


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## Liz446 (May 26, 2013)

stop searching


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## Liz446 (May 26, 2013)

if you are fully committed to yourself then you are fully committed to all that is. now to be fully committed to another person almost states that they can't take care of themselves without you or they need you. i mean, its a choice, if you would rather live as a pair, therefore, your identity is now a 3rd entity which is your relationship, then its your choice. but you are in a way, no longer "your own person" so to speak because your relationship with the other person becomes a being of its own.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I'm an extremely monogamous person.

But that doesn't mean everyone is, or should be.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Not really.. I see it as an expensive piece of paper and a cringe-worthy ceremony.. :|


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## ForBrighterDays (Mar 2, 2013)

I couldn't be less interested in getting married, don't think that'll change.


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## ericastooge (May 20, 2009)

It's good to be married.


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

To each his own I guess but I don't see the big deal to be honest. I've seen too many divorces. And also there are other things I'd want to spend money on than a dress I'll wear once!


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I wanted to believe, yet I put neutral.



In regards to Astrology:
I don't know why, but as a child I used to believe in fate, or rather wanted to. The thought of meeting your one time soul mate was just too magical and appealing to me--then I realized that I was brainwashed by watching too many Disney movies as a kid and that all relationships, not just romantic ones, take work from both sides, a mutual, two-way street, a partnership of sort.


Also I never considered that people's personalities and fate was decided by the date they were born. This question of: "What sign are you?" Always irked me because I believe in free will and if a person has enough resolve, they can change the way they are, including their personality/way of thinking. The very notion that a person's personality is derived by their "sign" seems logically unsound. I'd like to think the environment that person was exposed to has a more major impact.

So I think... believe what you will. Yeah I do believe in God, yet I also believe that God helps people who help themselves. You're not gonna find true love by just settling for people with the signs that are supposedly more compatible to you. You might even inadvertently push away your so called "soul mate" by avoiding those who are deemed incompatible. 


Meh, but then again, what do I know, just like John Snow, I know nothing...


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

If you are going to reproduce you kind of do need to get married. You want to make it as difficult as possible for the other person to ditch you.


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## mfd (May 5, 2013)

I think a marriage license should need to be renewed like most other licenses. People change over the years, so there's no guarantee a person who is a good match _now_ will be a good match in 5 years.

There was talk of them doing that in Mexico City, but I don't know if it ever happened.

But if the couple was to have children, I think it should convert to an 18 year license, to provide stability for the kid. Then the marriage would only end if they go through the usual divorce process.


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## michijo (Nov 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> If you are going to reproduce you kind of do need to get married. You want to make it as difficult as possible for the other person to ditch you.


I dont think marriage prevents ditching. In fact, I have believed for many years that marriage is a negative institution, and that your mentality is actually a cause of divorce and separation. The freedom of not being married causes people to be happier with each other. As soon as they are married, they begin to sour and fight more.

Marriage never prevents families from separating. My parents were married and got separated, saw other people, then divorced. Its so common.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

michijo said:


> I dont think marriage prevents ditching. In fact, I have believed for many years that marriage is a negative institution, and that your mentality is actually a cause of divorce and separation. The freedom of not being married causes people to be happier with each other. As soon as they are married, they begin to sour and fight more.
> 
> Marriage never prevents families from separating. My parents were married and got separated, saw other people, then divorced. Its so common.


But couples that just live together and don't get married have even higher rates of separation.


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## michijo (Nov 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> But couples that just live together and don't get married have even higher rates of separation.


Do you have a statistic proving that?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

michijo said:


> Do you have a statistic proving that?


I read it somewhere. I don't feel like digging it up right now.


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## michijo (Nov 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I read it somewhere. I don't feel like digging it up right now.


Marriage is the cause of social anxiety. That's my new thesis statement. People who are conditioned through religion to believe in marriage often feel like they have to save themselves, not sleep with too many people, and are generally homophobic. The idea that marriage is the ultimate goal causes them endless stress about social relationships, and the too-serious attitude toward meeting people causes social fear and loneliness.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

diamondheart89 said:


> Yes, I do. It's not for everyone though.


:ditto


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## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

I approve of marriage in the strictly modern sense, which means a voluntary commitment between two adults, based on romantic love, which is celebrated and ratified by the institutions of society and which signals that two people who were previously unrelated are now recognized as family.

But that's a relatively recent understanding of marriage. For a long time marriage was a contract of ownership, and a tool of the patriarchy. I wouldn't approve of that at all.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Yes, but not in the religious sense. I just like that marriage is the ultimate form of commitment, the legal benefits, and the ring/dress. :3


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Didn't we just have a thread like this only a few weeks ago?

If you opt not to get married then don't. Bam!!! Problem solved!!!

I am not sure why people trash it like it's something bad though. It's strictly between two people who want to do it and doesn't involve anyone else. 

If people would stop worrying about other people's relationship statuses and bedrooms the world would be a much more tolerable place. I think I said that in the last incarnation of this subject.


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## FullyAwake (Mar 30, 2013)

Nothing in this world frightens me more than legal marriage. My reasons:

1. People change over time. Who you know today will not be the same person in ten years.
2. People tend to use the legal aspects of marriage to control one another.
3. Both men and women cheat on one another like crazy and cheating isn't looked down upon like it used to be.
4. The divorce rate remains high while marriage continues to decline. Only 49% of households are now headed by married adults. This is a drastic shift over the past several decades.
5. The stigma against divorce is all but gone.
6. Unilateral, no-fault divorce. "I'm bored! SEE YA!"
7. Many people marry only for financial gain and destroy others as a result.
8. If you find that your spouse no longer loves you but you still love them, divorce can leave you broken for some time and maybe even for life.
9. After marriage, people tend to coast in the relationship and expend little effort to maintain the relationship or themselves.
10. Before marriage, people may be on their best behavior. After the contract has been signed, for the first time, you may see their true, terrifying selves.
11. The cost of divorce can be prohibitive to leaving a bad relationship.
12. You may become dependent on your spouse. If that happens and your spouse leaves, you may be in for a world of major hurt.
13. Love is most often based on a set of conditions. If you are unable to maintain those conditions, then love can be withdrawn, leaving you heartbroken, divorced and in despair.
14. The negative consequences of divorce touch every aspect of your life. Divorce can be physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually and legally devastating. Suicide rates go up drastically for divorced persons.

The only positive aspect of legal marriage I can see is the possibility of tax, inheritance and insurance benefits. The other benefits of marriage can be had without involvement by the state. The only way I'd ever enter into legal marriage is if I were on my death bed and there was a significant mutual benefit to be had during my last days by both parties (i.e., insurance and inheritance benefits). Other than that, I'm staying single for as long as possible.


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

Yea, I am married. Nobody forced us it was a choice we made together. It works for some and it doesn't work for others.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

No, but I value faithfulness(personally).


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Abstract. Marriage. Ironing.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

I believe it's a nice idea. Having kids to me means both people should make every possible effort to stick it out unless there is severe abuse or something. I would like to believe in trusting relationships where legal bonds aren't necessary but I'm a pessimist.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

i am ambivalent but if i have the right guy and he wants to get married then i will not be opposed to dressing up and having a flowery formal event


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## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

I personally believe marriage does not exist. I'm a skeptic, and I need hard evidence.


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## Billius (Aug 7, 2012)

There be an argument that marriage as a ceremony is sexist. I'm opposed to it for many other reasons though


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

The evidence of marriages existence is pretty indisputable.


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## J29Davis (May 9, 2013)

I do believe in marriage, becoming family, one with another. My parents stayed married, my grandparents have been married for 50 years. I believe in marriages with a strong foundation. Not all marriages are created equal. Too many people marry too young or too soon. That`s the main problem, ppl dont take it seriously.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

I just don't believe it for me. :no


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## Relz (Oct 31, 2011)

My opinion: marriage is antiquated and unnecessary. But if that's something you (general you) want, who am I to stop you?


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## NiteOwl (Jun 1, 2013)

I believe in it, but that's not to say it's for everyone. I think a lot of people rush into it and it fails. They just don't think about the work it takes. People also tend to make their vows without actually even thinking twice about them. They're just something you said not something you meant, and that bothers me. If you aren't going to take you're vows to your mate seriously, whatever those vows may be, it kind of defeats the whole purpose, and cheapens it.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I feel it's unnecessary. I know some think marriage is a symbol of trust and commitment, but it doesn't feel that way to me.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

I don't believe that anyone's love can last for their entire lifetime, so I don't really understand why anyone gets married for "love" anymore. Just seems like a big risk to me.


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## misspeachy (Aug 11, 2011)

Yes, of course I do.. I don't believe in all of those big, showy, OTT weddings though!


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## Sameer (Feb 2, 2010)

The word 'believe' got nothing to do with marriage in my view.If anyone wants to marry,they can.There are people who are in a relationship for a longtime without marrying too.I don't like marriage.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

"To me, the thing about marriage is, I can’t believe how often it happens. I mean I like the idea of it, but I can’t believe that many people are meeting people they want to see every single day, every day, every day, every day, every day…that should happen like three or four times, you know, in the whole century."


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