# My life(success with sertraline aka zoloft)



## RaDers14 (Feb 7, 2014)

My Life

Hey everybody out there. I just wanted to tell everybody my story about sertraline cause I remember before I found Sertraline I was so desperate for a positive story from somebody else who somehow recovered from anxiety. I want to say to never take peace of mind for granted. During this story I will tell you my thoughts about life, my experiences and just random thoughts but I'll try not to get you too sidetracked. I apologize for the grammar mistakes in advance lol. I'm going to try to pour out my soul for you and if I could help just one person I'll be happy. My life experience will not be in order also but I'm going to try to give everybody my whole experience, my truthful experience, and just exactly what was going on in my mind at the time things were happening. No Bull****. Now this going to be very long(my life story took me a long time to write) story so you might want to set some time to read this and take many breaks lol. It's a very scary story and one that is still going on but its way less scary.
I just want to start out by saying what I think about anxiety at least from my experience. It got to the point where my anxiety was so bad that eventually turned into full blown panic disorder and that's not something you want to have. Your anxiety will progressively get worse and worse as your frustration builds. I remember I got a job my sophomore year in high school working with people at this lodge for vacationers bussing tables at a restaurant. I was so anxious at first about working with people, so tense about messing up and just approaching people. I did make this one friend at first who just saw how lost I was and basically took me by the hand and helped me through. He was a foreigner from Turkey and just one of the nicest people you could ever meet. I'll never forget this person. Anyways as I worked more and more with people I saw my anxiety was disappearing. I could actually feel the tension leaving my body especially in my shoulders. I didn't realize how tight they were until the anxiety left and I could let them hang down to their normal position. Also if you have bad anxiety you will realize how shaky your knees are, As the tension left my body I saw my muscles especially in my knees strengthen. Just strong to the floor. I felt pretty powerful. Things that bothered me I didn't even think about . I remember just one day the thought just coming to my mind about how stupid it was to care about what someone else was thinking about you. I felt so free and strong. I used to listen to these two songs all the time probably my favorite songs ever by the Brothers Johnson. Free Yourself and Get the Funk outta my Face lol. They were just two songs that reflected about how I was feeling and me coming out of my anxiety and they are so uplifting. 
Other people who have not dealt with anxiety just have no idea so its hard to get advice from people who haven't dealt with it. Somebody who reads this who has never experienced bad anxiety is going to be like what the hell is the crazy guy talking about. I've learned that peoples experiences with life can be so unique. One person can be thrashed with anxiety and another one will have no idea what your talking about. Anyways back to the story. I was just so free to be myself and thats really what life is about. Experiencing that freedom that no one can touch. I took it for granted to. If you ask me I would say I got full of myself. Which I could understand looking back because my anxiety basically shut down my confidence and self- esteem before so I was probably a little drunk with power. People think drugs is the only thing you can be drunk on but you can be drunk on a thought or belief. Just like anxiety can cloud you mind a thought and a belief can cloud it just as much so you can't see exactly whats going on. That's what I'm still trying to see as I still recover from my anxiety is just exactly whats going on. It is such a gift people don't realize to see the truth. Who wants to live a lie, if I'm going to live I want to live truth. Hopefully I'm not sounding to much like a preacher but the feelings are just pouring out of me right now and I'm trying to give you my full life experience. I'm getting pretty emotional now because this pain was just so unbearable. Life can get so lonely, be so harsh and cold.
I remember when I was young probly about 8 years old I had a friend named Eleanor. She was a wild child lol. She would climb trees all the time and was just so full of life. Im sure yall know the kind of person Im talking about. Anyways her mom committed suicide one day and I was just so in shock. I was just shocked as to why somebody would do that. My childhood experience was awesome (before anxiety). Elementary school was such a wonderful experience. I think it was my childhood that actually made me push through my anxiety because I knew about the bliss that was possible in life. I wonder if I had never experienced this bliss would I just have went ahead and just committed suicide because then I would have only known darkness. Im not going to lie suicide is still in the back of my mind. Then I just remember the bliss and maybe I could get back to it and just forget all these troubles. Not by shooting up heroine or something like that (never tried). I did try weed once and that is whole nother crazy story in itself. I think maybe that's why some people do drugs just to find that bliss that they once had. But that just not real enough in my opinion cuz it only last for a few hours and then your back to your miserable state. Not to mention how dangerous it is. But I understand people who do drugs like that. Life can be so crazy! I've been thinking a lot lately about people and crazy people in the past. A few random people like Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer like what made them so crazy. We see Hitler as such a horrible person and I just wonder how things could happen like that. Maybe Hitler could've been a whole different person if his experiences had been different. Idk it's a tough subject for me. It just gets my head spinning. I don't like to judge people even like Hitler or Osama Bin Laden. Who am I to judge? Don't get me wrong people who do these things must be stopped.
We don't really know who we are in this world. Can people really control who they are. We know they can cover who they are up. I feel like life has just become a big competition. Not unlike the animal world, Where the strong prey on the weak. People just see what others do and then try to beat them. It makes me think that maybe were all just smart evolved monkeys who just want to be this holy creature separated from animals. Not all people are like this I think. I'm one just like them too. It feels good to beat somebody. Makes you feel strong. The more I do it these days the more it makes me disgusted with myself though. In my childhood I always loved being the best at things. I guess it made me feel special. Be careful of things of the ego. The ego is such a tricky thing. The mind is such a crazy thing to be honest.
I loved basketball when I was a kid. Obsessed with the NBA, Michael Jordan, and those Chicago Bulls. I would pretend I was playing in a actual game in my backyard. Hitting the shot at the end at the buzzer woooooooo! The crowd goes wild lol. Those were very happy innocent times. So much has happened now it feels like an eternity ago. During my most anxious times I learned about a person named Osho and I just love his books and his thoughts and I would recommend them to anybody. I'll talk about him more throughout the story. Anyways basketball was my game and I was very competitive especially with the neighborhood kids. I would play ball for hours and hours after school , before school I just loved it. I can't fully put it into words because it's not a feeling that words can truly convey. You really just have to feel it.
My anxiety probably started in about the fourth grade. The tension just seemed to keep building . Anxiety and self-consciousness can paralyze you and your mind. As Ive been taking Sertaline over the past two years I can feel the tension leaving my mind. The mind is muscle just like your shoulders or knee muscles and I can feel my brain becoming less tense and my thoughts were slowing down. It feels like how I was feeling when I worked that summer at the vacation lodge except the progression is a lot slower. Anyways ive decided to wrap this story up for now but if you have any questions ill be glad to help or tell you more.


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