# Are you a kinder person?



## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

Are you all more compassionate people because of having experienced SA? Has it made you more patient with people, more loving (even silently), or more tolerant of behaviors that might quickly irritate your neightbor? Do you try to reach out to the one who seems uncomfortable, scared or nervous?

I notice that I tend to have large reserves of patience with people, and do not actually get annoyed at behaviors that many would find irritating (unless it's my mom - nah, just kidding). I have no doubt that this is a result of knowing how it feels to be left out, or be the outsider, to be the "quiet one", the one who gets nervous and makes more mistakes. I have a lot of empathy for people in whom I see these same characteristics. Now if I could only show such compassion to myself more often...

Farren


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## seagreen16 (Sep 24, 2005)

I'm a patient person, but I don't think having this issue has made me more compassionate to others. I'm a "nice" person overall, but I don't think I've developed greater compassion for other people because of this. I guess I haven't gotten to that point yet where I've become more compassionate. 

It really depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel nice towards other people, and other times I am really picky about the faults of other people. Maybe it has to do with working with the same people every day for almost 3 years?? How does one become more tolerant of other people? I find that I just can't stand some people that I work with. They started out as nice, pleasant normal people, and after a while, little things about them kind of bug me. I would really like some help or a higher perspective on this one if possible .


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

I agree with you totally Farren.
Being like this has certainly made me more sensitive to the issues others have and even a desire to help them a bit.


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## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

I would say that SA has made me more compassionate to a certain degree than I would have been if i hadn't had SA at all, and would definatley say that I am a more tolerant person than most. However, my SA has also prevented me from fully displaying that compassion because I am also afraid of rejection from others. does that make sense?


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

Seagreen - interesting response...I guess I was just trying to find out if you have a more sensitive feeling of empathy. Not necessarily for _everyone _ you come across (there are certainly people in my world that agitate me too, whether or not i show it)... but especially for those whom others reject. I find myself at work often subtly sticking up for people who have been pigeon-holed as being tough to work with, socially inept, or plain disagreeable. Not just on principle, but because I actually disagree with these labels based on my personal experience. Most people just seem to unquestioningly inherit this stock opinion of certain people, never bothering to find anything redeeming.

Brownkeys - yes, I understand that fear of rejection. To me, rejection is just fodder for unending angst. I wish I was braver, but no. However, I think that being able to show compassion is just giving a gift to someone, and the key is being unattached to what the recipient does with your gift. Although it's hard to do, I think that the world can always use more acts of kindness and love...

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses.

Farren


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## seagreen16 (Sep 24, 2005)

Farren said:


> Seagreen - interesting response...I guess I was just trying to find out if you have a more sensitive feeling of empathy. Not necessarily for _everyone _ you come across (there are certainly people in my world that agitate me too, whether or not i show it)... but especially for those whom others reject. I find myself at work often subtly sticking up for people who have been pigeon-holed as being tough to work with, socially inept, or plain disagreeable. Not just on principle, but because I actually disagree with these labels based on my personal experience. Most people just seem to unquestioningly inherit this stock opinion of certain people, never bothering to find anything redeeming.


Farren,

I think I was kind of tired and feeling sour when I wrote that post so maybe it came out a little harsh. I guess there are good things that come out of this disorder if it helps you and others to be more compassionate to other people. I think I have compassion for certain issues and people, and other things I don't have enough compassion for. I've heard that what you judge in yourself, you judge in others too. I guess that applies to me too. When I encounter things I hate about myself in other people, I find myself not appreciating that thing in other people either.


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## ate16am (Dec 23, 2005)

I think I'm an extremely empathetic person. I can feel the pain whenever I see someone else sad or left out or being made fun of. There are times when I'm easily irritated, but I find that if I stop and think about why, it's usually because I'm feeling particularly bad about _myself_ at that moment.


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## James (Dec 16, 2005)

I agree farren im much more aware of other people who are quite and feeling unconftable and see if i can help them but usually i cant cos im too quite. But yeah i feel im more compassionate toward people especially other people having the same kind of social problems as me.


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## obsidianfire (Oct 10, 2005)

brownkeys said:


> I would say that SA has made me more compassionate to a certain degree than I would have been if i hadn't had SA at all, and would definatley say that I am a more tolerant person than most. However, my SA has also prevented me from fully displaying that compassion because I am also afraid of rejection from others. does that make sense?


I totally understand you brownkeys. This describes me very well. I wouldn't say that my SA has kept me from displaying my compassion for others in as much as it has kept me from reaching out to new people in general. I'm very compassionate with those I know well.

I do reach out to those I perceive as more shy than me, however, when given the opportunity. I like other shy people.


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

maybe. i tend to have an overdeveloped sense of compassion in the abstract. people i know very little, people i hear about, see on the news, etc. these people i always seem to make excuses for. i'll see a murderer on the news and think, he must have had a terrible life/childhood to be suffering as much as he obviously is and be capable of such terrible things. however i've been told that i'm not so good at being understanding or forgiving when it comes to myself.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Oh yeah, helping people is my calling. That's part of what suffering is supposed to do, I'm sure: make us compassionate.


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## nickguy (Feb 14, 2006)

Absolutely. It's an absolute joy for me to help somebody whose suffering out. And i don't think i'll ever ridicule somebody whose different like I used to. I pray that this is permanent and this will still be ingrained in me when I overcome SA.


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## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

I think I'm too nice for my own good.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I think I've learned to much more tolerant of eccentric people or people that society would consider as abnormal than the average person. If there is such a thing as average.


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## Softy785 (Apr 16, 2006)

Yeah, thats what i'm most grateful for about having social anxiety- it has made me so nurturing and understanding of people. I feel like i'm always the one defending everybody when somebody says something bad about them. I hope that someday after this anxiety is a thing of the past, i can really start to act on this caring nature of mine and make a difference in the lives of those around me.


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## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

I'm too kind for my own good.


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

nickguy said:


> Absolutely. It's an absolute joy for me to help somebody whose suffering out. And i don't think i'll ever ridicule somebody whose different like I used to. I pray that this is permanent and this will still be ingrained in me when I overcome SA.


For the record, I think that's a beautiful thing to pray for...and your optimism is refreshing.


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