# How to be happy without friends?



## hipolito (Sep 25, 2012)

Can somebody list all the reasons (or a number of them) a person might deserve to be happy despite being friendless? 
And you might want to know I'm asking this here because those wikihow articles that tell you that you can learn how to make your very own bracelet don't cut it.

Here's the perspective: being friendless has made me lazy to go outside and do things, and has over time made me think very little of myself, and I suspect that I've forgotten how to be fun. I mean actually. No idea how to twist my body in such a way that I might be doing something fun.
How do you give yourself value even when (most) other people don't? How do you be happy?
Personal experiences and unpracticed philosophies are welcome.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

How am I happy and friendless?
Simple. I get to do whatever I want when I want, and don't have to worry about the needs of others, ever! Being a loner is amazing, but not everyone is capable if remaining in complete isolation.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Sin said:


> but your status says...fighting depression?


I'm a loner. Me being friendless has nothing to do with my depression.
If you want to know more about what makes me depressed just check pretty much all of my blog entries.


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## indiscipline (May 24, 2015)

I think being truly content without other people is a really, really difficult thing to achieve, if not near impossible. Being lonely is one thing, having zero interaction another. You need to be able to reflect who you are and what you do in the eyes of others, so as to feel like there's any meaning to doing and being those things in the first place. 

You could keep yourself busy with temporary things that'll distract you from being lonely, but I feel like those things are just distractions in the end - temporary substitutes for whatever makes us crave being connected to other people. Spend enough time in total isolation and you might just end up catching yourself painting a red face on that volleyball you had lying around. I almost feel like doing that sometimes (and yet I'm reclusive by nature). 

(this is just how I experience it though, I'm sure it's different from case to case and in varying degrees etc)


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

I don't know why you wouldn't deserve to be happy because you have no friends. The number of friends you have has nothing to do with your worth as a human being, it's just an indicator of your social skills, or sometimes a matter of luck. Douchebags and wh0res have friends too, a lot of them often.


What friends bring is stimulation, entertainment when you're bored, they won't bring you any sense of self esteem, they won't make you less alone if you feel alone in your head, or if they do it's temporary. They're overrated. I have "friends" and still feel like a piece of ****, if anything they make me feel worse about myself. 


I don't know how to be happy, but i would guess happy people have a healthy sense of confidence and self esteem, regardless of having friends or not. Them having friends is just a consequence of this.


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## hipolito (Sep 25, 2012)

indiscipline said:


> I think being truly content without other people is a really, really difficult thing to achieve, if not near impossible. Being lonely is one thing, having zero interaction another. You need to be able to reflect who you are and what you do in the eyes of other people so as to feel like there's any meaning to doing and being those things in the first place.


hmm what do you mean by this last sentence? As in, judge my meaning through the eyes of other people?
Anyway, I actually don't have zero interaction. I have a boyfriend that I talk to on the phone a lot and see him sometimes. I'd count him as a friend. I appreciate his friendship a lot. But the way I feel... I can't see him as often as I'd like and sometimes I just want friends to hang out with... This might come off as demanding haha, "She's got a boyfriend and has the audacity to ask for.. friends?!" but friends fill a very very different need, to me. Plus the both of us are reclusive so I still get lonely.
Anyway, you're 21, I'm 21... You're Swedish, I like Swedish people.... let's be friends!


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## hipolito (Sep 25, 2012)

thedevilsblood said:


> I don't know why you wouldn't deserve to be happy because you have no friends. The number of friends you have has nothing to do with your worth as a human being, it's just an indicator of your social skills, or sometimes a matter of luck.


But that's the thing, I've come to think that if I'm really so uninteresting to other people, if I have no selling points, I must be cheap. I feel talentless. And what you mentioned about needing self-confidence to be happy... well self-confidence is precisely what I need friends for. But I get that you need self-confidence to have relationships as well. So I have no idea how to get started.

Your friends are probably bad friends. My definition of friendship isn't so broad as what people mean when they talk about friends generally. I mean people that get you and love you, or even like you a lot and there is the possibility of loving you. I've had fair weather friends, I'm not talking about them. Actual friendship seems like one of the best things to live for.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

hipolito said:


> But that's the thing, I've come to think that if I'm really so uninteresting to other people, if I have no selling points, I must be cheap. I feel talentless. And what you mentioned about needing self-confidence to be happy... well self-confidence is precisely what I need friends for. But I get that you need self-confidence to have relationships as well. So I have no idea how to get started.
> 
> Your friends are probably bad friends. My definition of friendship isn't so broad as what people mean when they talk about friends generally. I mean people that get you and love you, or even like you a lot and there is the possibility of loving you. I've had fair weather friends, I'm not talking about them. Actual friendship seems like one of the best things to live for.


What i'm saying is the opposite, you don't need to be interesting to have friends. You can be interesting and have no friends. People with a lot of friends have this natural tendency to be social, which we lack, that's all. People will never know if you're interesting, if you're afraid to talk to them, as usual with SA. Did you try online friendships?

I don't think my friends are bad friends, not all of them. If anything i'm the bad friend. But i think you're idealizing friendship. Yes it can be fun to hang out, it's a temporary relief when you have a dull life. But it won't change your life in a major way. It's very rare to have a real friend with who you can have a deeper connection. I'm not even sure these social people always have that. And even when you have it, it's rarely a good idea to put all your trust in one person. Just my opinion.


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## indiscipline (May 24, 2015)

hipolito said:


> hmm what do you mean by this last sentence? As in, judge my meaning through the eyes of other people?
> Anyway, I actually don't have zero interaction. I have a boyfriend that I talk to on the phone a lot and see him sometimes. I'd count him as a friend. I appreciate his friendship a lot. But the way I feel... I can't see him as often as I'd like and sometimes I just want friends to hang out with... This might come off as demanding haha, "She's got a boyfriend and has the audacity to ask for.. friends?!" but friends fill a very very different need, to me. Plus the both of us are reclusive so I still get lonely.
> Anyway, you're 21, I'm 21... You're Swedish, I like Swedish people.... let's be friends!


Ah, what I meant by that is that the point in having an identity kinda falls short if there's no one around to acknowledge you, you know? Like, having a good sense of humour, being intelligent, being attractive, being kind; none of those traits really matter if you don't get to exchange them with anyone.

Sure :3 my, you're not the least bit shy, are you? I bet you'd have a squillion friends if you did the same thing irl. Swedes and Canadians are supposedly quite similar in character anyway, so it would seem your compliment automatically falls back on you.


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## hipolito (Sep 25, 2012)

thedevilsblood said:


> What i'm saying is the opposite, you don't need to be interesting to have friends. You can be interesting and have no friends. People with a lot of friends have this natural tendency to be social, which we lack, that's all. People will never know if you're interesting, if you're afraid to talk to them, as usual with SA. Did you try online friendships?
> 
> I don't think my friends are bad friends, not all of them. If anything i'm the bad friend. But i think you're idealizing friendship. Yes it can be fun to hang out, it's a temporary relief when you have a dull life. But it won't change your life in a major way. It's very rare to have a real friend with who you can have a deeper connection. I'm not even sure these social people always have that. And even when you have it, it's rarely a good idea to put all your trust in one person. Just my opinion.


i'm absolutely idealizing it, but i don't think it's too unreasonable... I think there are tons of people out there that would say they love their friends. Some of them would probably not have any idea what they're talking about, but others I would believe. I've seen it with my eyes.

But I don't think it's a very common thing either. People seem to think true love is the rarest thing in the world and that friends are cheap, and they can be, but so can romance. I think finding a quality lover is only slightly more rare than finding a quality friend. But the true gold stuff is probably pretty rare.

anyway, sorry I misunderstood about your friends. I can see how you can have people to have fun with and still feel like ****. Maybe you're missing out as much as I am, but you're probably not as affected/obsessed with it as I am. 
I realize that how many people like me doesn't actually say much about me, but what I mean is that I've just come to feel like I must be lacking, even if that's an extreme conclusion. Years of being overlooked is hard to ignore.
Anyway, that was just to clarify. It's still helpful to hear that there's still a chance I'm an okay person haha. Thanks.


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## rmb1990 (Jan 16, 2015)

You have to live your life for you, and you only. If people come in to it great, if they don't well who cares. Do what you love. If that means going places by yourself ect. then go for it. I reached a point where I was sick and tired of missing out on gigs ect. because I didn't have anyone to go with. Then one day I had enough, now I go by myself and actually enjoy it.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Friends arent your life, they are part of your life. Therefore you should be content with or without them. Its like having a pet, you can share life lasting memories with it, but its PART of your life it doesn't makeup your whole life. I had friends coming out of high school but i never felt comfortable being part of their social circle. Even though i got to go out every weekend and party it always felt wrong. I stopped talking to them and i actually feel better now that i have no social life. That experience taught me that true happiness doesn't come from the people around you, it comes from you. Your the party, everyone else is just an attendee to your party. Friends are great but dont feel empty if you dont have any. If life has taught me anything is that their is no friends, friends are a synonym for life acquaintances.


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