# Weekly Goals



## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Ok I am gonna start making weekly goals. I need a concrete way to measure my progress.

Week of 8/27/07

1. Approach 1 girl
2. Go to campus cafe that I am scared to go to cause its where freshman go
3. Start a conversation with someone I don't know in class
4. Start a conversation with the girl I know in one of my classes
5. Set up counseling appointment

I did #1 today so I have 4 goals left.


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## Bad Religion (Dec 14, 2006)

*Re: Weekly Goals (8/27/07)*

Setting weekly goals is a great idea. Congrats on doing #1! Best of luck to you.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

*Re: Weekly Goals (8/27/07)*

I set up a counseling appointment today so that is 2 goals down!


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

*Re: Weekly Goals (8/27/07)*

Good going. You have done 2 of your 5 goals for the week.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

*Re: Weekly Goals (8/27/07)*

Well I guess I will count #4 as done. We have that class on Tuesday and Thursday and both days she started the conversation, but I contributed as well. She talks during class though which I don't always like. I was gonna ask her something right after class just to satisfy this goal, but she left a few minutes early. I think I did good enough on this though.

I approached another girl today as well.

So I am still supposed to go to that cafe and start a conversation with someone I don't know in class. The cafe shouldn't be hard. I'm not sure if I'll be able to chat someone up in class though, but I'll see what I can do.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

*Re: Weekly Goals (8/27/07)*

Well I didn't do #2 or #3. I still think it was a good week though.


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## Tymsmom (Aug 24, 2007)

I think you did great, Daaaaave! :clap Give yourself a big ol' pat on the back!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 9/3/07

1. Go to my counseling appointment and try to be open
2. Approach 2 girls
3. Talk to someone I don't know in class


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I went to the counseling appointment and I was open the best I could be! They just had some questions for me and I answered them well enough. I was getting kidna emotional cause this is the first time I have told anyone about my anxiety. It was really eye-opening. As I feared, they are overloaded and so they want to stick me in a group and it's gonna be a group of people with anxiety, depression, different things so not just other SA people. The first meeting is on Friday so I am gonna go and try my best, but I am unsure if it is going to work out. It will be nice to hear other people are having problems too though.

Also I approached 1 girl today so I'm halfway done with that goal.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> I went to the counseling appointment and I was open the best I could be! They just had some questions for me and I answered them well enough. I was getting kidna emotional cause this is the first time I have told anyone about my anxiety. It was really eye-opening. As I feared, they are overloaded and so they want to stick me in a group and it's gonna be a group of people with anxiety, depression, different things so not just other SA people. The first meeting is on Friday so I am gonna go and try my best, but I am unsure if it is going to work out. It will be nice to hear other people are having problems too though.
> 
> Also I approached 1 girl today so I'm halfway done with that goal.


You've got the right attitude at least. That's something that many, if not most, people with SA haven't yet developed.

I've read that group therapy is best when it's focused on just people with SA as opposed to a mixed bag of other anxiety/depression. In any event, it will be a social opportunity at least. I just wouldn't expect leaps and bounds of improvement, but then again, you might be surprised. Good luck!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I approached another girl today so now all I have left is to talk to someone I don't know in class.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Ok I talked to someone I didn't know in 2 classes actually today so I am done for the week. I just asked them a question about something in the class so it didn't turn into a conversation, but I was happy with it. Also I went to that cafe I had wanted to go to in my first week so that was good too.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Way to go!


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## Tymsmom (Aug 24, 2007)

Excellent, daaaave! Well done. Since today's Friday, I assume your first group session is today. Hope it works/worked out even better than you thought!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Today was my first group session. It was pretty emotional for me, but I started to open up a little bit. I was surprised how some other people are sharing the same problems so I think it's gonna be good.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Sounds great daaaave! It should feel great to open up too!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 9/10/07

1. Approach at least 2 girls
2. Be more composed and share more at group counseling
3. Straighten out my major/minor and apply for graduation


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Line 'em up and knock 'em down.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I didn't really accomplish anything this week. Even therapy sucked cause we just talked about these petty problems some people had. It was hard not to roll my eyes.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Haha, well get on it next week then.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Well I am making my goals the same as last week so hopefully I get them done this time:

Week of 9/17/07

1. Approach at least 2 girls
2. Be more composed and share more at group counseling
3. Straighten out my major/minor and apply for graduation


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

"Do or do not... there is no try." - Yoda

:lol


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I approached 1 girl today...didn't go so well, but I got that goal halfway done.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

What's involved when you're "approaching" a girl. I'm just curious, since that alone could mean quite a lot.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

ardrum said:


> What's involved when you're "approaching" a girl. I'm just curious, since that alone could mean quite a lot.


I go up to a random girl and I usually say "can i ask you a question real quick?"....then I say "are you single?". I don't count just random small talk. It has to be something ballsy.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Ah, very nice. Yeah, I wouldn't expect people to be too receptive, but it's more about you doing it and realizing that you're not being killed for doing it.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> Well I am making my goals the same as last week so hopefully I get them done this time:
> 
> Week of 9/17/07
> 
> ...


Ok I approached 1 girl to try to get a date, but then I just complimented 2 girls saying "you look beautiful." So I think I did enough to satisfy goal 1 even though I only did 1 real approach.

I did pretty good at group counseling today. I was quiet for a while, but then I had a chance to speak and I thought I did a good job and was able to answer some questions people had without getting too anxious. It was a definite improvement.

I was lazy and didn't do my major/minor paperwork though. I will have to do that next week since a deadline is coming up.

Just so I don't forget next week I want to speak up at group counseling without being prompted and I want to speak completely seriously without hiding under the guise of jokes cause I tend to do that to deflect attention away from what is really bothering me.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Hmmmmmmm.... This is interesting.

A female friend of mine who lives many states away told me yesterday that a guy came up to her and told her she was beautiful. Coincidence? Probably. :lol

She said that she was then asked if she was single or something, but she said she was engaged (she is). Sound familiar by any chance?


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Well, no, cause the girls I said were beautiful, that is all I said then I left.

That is interesting, though....how did she react to that?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

He told her that his friends had said that they should take 10 seconds to tell beautiful women that they are beautiful or something. I think she was a bit uncomfortable since it's not like she expected to receive such a comment. She told him that she was flattered, but also engaged when he asked if she was single.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 9/24/07

1. Approach at least 1 girl
2. Straighten out my major/minor and apply for graduation
3. Ask at least 2 professors for recommendation letters


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I like your weekly goals.
Have you ever tried talking to a girl for 5 minutes (chit chat), and then compliment her on something (personality or looks) and then ask her out? Shaking things up might make it more interesting


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I am working towards that, Strength, but it's hard to come up with something valid to say to get a girl to stop walking!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> Week of 9/24/07
> 
> 1. Approach at least 1 girl
> 2. Straighten out my major/minor and apply for graduation
> 3. Ask at least 2 professors for recommendation letters


I didn't approach a girl, but I don't really want to anymore so that's not going to be a goal anymore. I got my major/minor fixed up, but I didn't ask professors for recommendations. I didn't make it a goal, but I made a big step in speaking up at group therapy today as well. Next week I definitely need to get those recommendations.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I ended up asking the girl who cut my hair today out so I did get an approach in after all. She said she had a boyfriend which I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm glad I didn't pass up the chance to ask out a cute girl.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 10/1/07

1. Be social at pre-interview event tonight
2. Ask for a recommendation letter
3. Speak before being asked to at therapy


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Nice goals for the new month.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

cool, what's a pre-interview?
It's good that you can be so outgoing around strangers now. So why did you decide to change your goals?


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Strength said:


> cool, what's a pre-interview?
> It's good that you can be so outgoing around strangers now. So why did you decide to change your goals?


Well it was just an information session, not really a social event. I did say hi to the girl sitting next to me, though. I am really not that outgoing around strangers, but I'm working on it. I set new goals every week so that is why they change.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Ok, wasn't so motivated this week. I did make a joke at the start of therapy which everyone laughed at which was good, but I didn't say anything the whole rest of therapy until I was asked how my week was. I just wasn't interested in what was being discussed. I don't feel neither bad nor good about this week, but next week needs to be more productive.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 10/8/07

1. Speak a lot and be very involved at therapy (trying to change my mindset)
2. Start grad school apps, ask for at least 1 recommendation

That's all for this week.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> Week of 10/8/07
> 
> 1. Speak a lot and be very involved at therapy (trying to change my mindset)
> 2. Start grad school apps, ask for at least 1 recommendation
> ...


Remind me. This is a mixed bag of people in therapy, or just SA?


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

It is a mixed bag in therapy. One other person has social anxiety in the group of 10, but she is a lot more comfortable speaking than I am so I am the quiet one. Everyone is nice though...usually I am quiet the whole time and somebody asks me how I am doing cause I haven't said anything. I want to be very involved this week and hopefully confront my fear of sharing my opinions in a group.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> It is a mixed bag in therapy. One other person has social anxiety in the group of 10, but she is a lot more comfortable speaking than I am so I am the quiet one. Everyone is nice though...usually I am quiet the whole time and somebody asks me how I am doing cause I haven't said anything. I want to be very involved this week and hopefully confront my fear of sharing my opinions in a group.


Yeah, you can rest assured that they won't be critical toward you for contributing. It sounds like a nice group that is willing to hear from everyone.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

daaaaave said:


> Week of 10/8/07
> 
> 1. Speak a lot and be very involved at therapy (trying to change my mindset)
> 2. Start grad school apps, ask for at least 1 recommendation
> ...


Ok, didn't do the grad school thing, but therapy went well. I was more involved and began asking questions of other people and sharing my opinions and experiences on things. I want to continue getting more comfortable sharing my opinion and possibly disagreeing with others as that is a problem for me. I have a real problem thinking that my opinions have value. Even today when I gave an opinion I let it slip out that "it doesn't really matter anyways"...that is defeatist talk. Does this mean I have low self esteem?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Don't worry too much about it. It's great that you're noticing things like your tendency to downplay your opinions. Recognizing this and reminding yourself that you have developed a habit of doing this should help you to remember not to do it in the future.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

In my opinion, not being able to share your opinion is very closely tied to being insecure. You care too much about what other people think of you. The thing with not sharing your opinions, is that people will not think of you as having much of a personality. It is human to have opinions. If you are really scared that your view is kind of offensive, explain to them that you understand their point of view before saying your opinion so that the other person doesn't feel ignored. A good book is How to Win Friends and Influence People.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Week of 10/15/07

1. Continue doing what I did last week at therapy and speak up even more, share opinions, and be involved.
2. Approach 1 girl directly (yep gonna try this again)

I'm not even sure about grad school now so I am holding off on the application.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Go get'em!


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