# Overprotective Parents can lead to SA



## Patriot (Oct 14, 2011)

http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.co...verprotective_and_overcontrolling_parents.php

When you are held back by overprotective parents, alot of things happen. For one your social skills will not truly develope, and your self-esteem might be lowered, since you're being thrown around like a doll and your opinion is seen as worthless. Then when it's time to move out, it's like throwing a child who can't swim in a pool.
Do you have overprotective parents?


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## Openyoureyes (Jun 13, 2012)

when i was younger they used to not let me go to my friends house and my friends would be like oh wow..ok and they eventually found someone else to hangout with. thus making me lonely and useless


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## Narkier (Jun 11, 2012)

I have them. They always told me weird stuff like "Okay so when you hear a kitten crying for help in the bushes, don't go and help it because there might be a man in those bushes wanting to kidnap you" and "When you get home from school, watch out, there might be someone targeting you while you open the door!"

They didn't let me go to my boyfriend's house until we were together for almost a year (okay, 9 months). They never let me play outside on my own, because that way they couldn't see me playing so I might get kidnapped!!!!!!! So they went along whenever I wanted to play outside. 

They criticize all of my friends and even my boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship ("Have you teo kissed yet?" "Um.. Yes.." "Ew, how's his hygiene? You know kissing transfers bacteria, right?"). My best friend and I used to do weird faces over chat using our webcams. Then, my parents noticed I'd been pulling weird faces more often, so they forbid me to use the wabcam any more. "He's a bad ibfluence, I don't want you to talk to him that often anymore"

And much more. Heck, because of their worrying about everything, I got afraid of everything. They always made me think sex was a bad thing, by skipping those parts in movies, which they still do now (I'm 17, come on). So that leaves me with fear for sex, thank you very much. 

I could ramble on and on about my parents and how they're trying to protect me from ****ing harmless stuff, causing me more harm than they'd think.


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## Narkier (Jun 11, 2012)

Okay sorry for the typos, but my phone isn't all that efficient when it comes to typing long pieces of text.


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## JaneGray (Nov 16, 2011)

My parents were pretty protective, not extreme, but I didn't get many chances to interact with anyone outside of school. My first slumber party was at like, 11 years old and two houses down the street...and they still didn't want me staying over. I was pretty sheltered I guess, but the thing is, I saw where they were coming from and accepted it to the point where I isolated myself. I think overprotective parents can hinder social development.


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

Kinda, I reckon. A bit when I was younger, but not to the extreme.

I don't know though. I don't get out much, I've never really asked them whether I can go to a party or a sleepover cos SA and GAD came along and I didn't have any friends and was really the sad little loner girl...so...

It makes sense though, that over protective parents could cause stuff like SA/GAD...


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## Saber (Jun 15, 2012)

This is probably the number one reason why I think I am the way I am. I was not allowed to do anything outside of school when I was young. After my father passed away, the rules were less strict but I so accustomed of doing nothing so continued to do that. Now i hate going out and interacting with people as i'm really not used to it. I just prefer to stay at home all day.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Yes, it does. Childhood and living under your parents roof is the time for when social skills begin to develop. If your parents over-sheltered you, placed limits on you, or were too hard to you then more than likely that will lead to some type of anxiety.

I'll be 20 next month,and my dad was pretty over-protective and harsh on me. I pretty much got questioned/interrogated and criticized on the simplest things..and also felt pretty limited on certain things that people my age have experience with..while I don't


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## Patriot (Oct 14, 2011)

Thank you for your responses! 



Openyoureyes said:


> when i was younger they used to not let me go to my friends house and my friends would be like oh wow..ok and they eventually found someone else to hangout with. thus making me lonely and useless


I'm sorry you've had to endure that.



Narkier said:


> I have them. They always told me weird stuff like "Okay so when you hear a kitten crying for help in the bushes, don't go and help it because there might be a man in those bushes wanting to kidnap you" and "When you get home from school, watch out, there might be someone targeting you while you open the door!"
> 
> They didn't let me go to my boyfriend's house until we were together for almost a year (okay, 9 months). They never let me play outside on my own, because that way they couldn't see me playing so I might get kidnapped!!!!!!! So they went along whenever I wanted to play outside.
> 
> ...


I can really relate to the weird things they told you. It follows a very paranoid mindset, wich I've been raised with aswell. And if they don't like something they try to convince you to stay away from it aswell, correct? Growing up I never got to play with soldier toys and (still now) am not allowed to play any shooting games whatsoever, even if the recommended age is 3+!
Eventhough we've had very different experiences I can really relate to what you're saying :yes



JaneGray said:


> My parents were pretty protective, not extreme, but I didn't get many chances to interact with anyone outside of school. My first slumber party was at like, 11 years old and two houses down the street...and they still didn't want me staying over. I was pretty sheltered I guess, but the thing is, I saw where they were coming from and accepted it to the point where I isolated myself. I think overprotective parents can hinder social development.


Agreed.



elkalee2194 said:


> Kinda, I reckon. A bit when I was younger, but not to the extreme.
> 
> I don't know though. I don't get out much, I've never really asked them whether I can go to a party or a sleepover cos SA and GAD came along and I didn't have any friends and was really the sad little loner girl...so...
> 
> It makes sense though, that over protective parents could cause stuff like SA/GAD...


Yeah, I agree, it's often overlooked.



saber said:


> This is probably the number one reason why I think I am the way I am. I was not allowed to do anything outside of school when I was young. After my father passed away, the rules were less strict but I so accustomed of doing nothing so continued to do that. Now i hate going out and interacting with people as i'm really not used to it. I just prefer to stay at home all day.


Yeah, I think JaneGray put it in to words really well that overprotective parents can hinder social developement. Sometimes to the point where you hate going out and interracting in general.



ravenm721 said:


> Yes, it does. Childhood and living under your parents roof is the time for when social skills begin to develop. If your parents over-sheltered you, placed limits on you, or were too hard to you then more than likely that will lead to some type of anxiety.
> 
> I'll be 20 next month,and my dad was pretty over-protective and harsh on me. I pretty much got questioned/interrogated and criticized on the simplest things..and also felt pretty limited on certain things that people my age have experience with..while I don't


Yeah, I can relate.

I believe one of the causes or factors in this is psychological immaturity. Here is an article from lighthouse.org:

"_Immature or aggressive parents are the ones whose children seek the most help. That isn't surprising when you consider that these personalities are the most upsetting and damaging.

Children of parents with immature or aggressive personalities sense from their earliest age that they often do not seem to matter very much to their own parent. With some of these parents, the only time the child's existence does seem to matter is typically when the parent needs or wants something the child can provide. The child is not a person to be discovered and supported, but is often viewed as competition, as a means to some end, (such as a household servant) or simply an unwelcome inconvenience.

Invalidation, dramatic outbursts, manipulation, dishonesty, insensitivity, ultimatums, anger and emotional instability are common in these parents. Their expectations of their children are unreasonable, and their children often come second to the parents' wishes and emotional needs. Parents in this category have distorted expectations, fragile (or overblown) egos, and difficulty placing other peoples' needs over their own. This difficulty placing others' needs before themselves is in direct opposition to the role of parenthood, which requires an unselfish and compromising manner. Many of these parents seek some form of attention, assistance, or obedience at any cost. Their families are highly dysfunctional, and far too focused on the parents' needs, emotions and wishes.

Adult children of these parents emerge from childhood feeling worthless, insecure, guilty and divorced from their authentic selves - their own needs, wants, and values. They are full of fears and worries, and may have only a dim awareness of who they really are. Whether they force themselves into overachievement to cover up the feelings of inadequacy or simply flounder about aimlessly, the typical child of these parents is (one way or another) not enjoying life very much, and never really has.

If you have a parent who fits some of the descriptions above, click on the image below to be taken through Light's House Cluster B Portal, where you will find the section of Light's House that's dedicated especially to adult children of these parents..._"

Link to article: http://lightshouse.org/immature-or-aggressive-parents.html#axzz1y6hfUu1D


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

My parents were and still are way too overprotective of me. They fear me and my brothers getting jumped and killed by anyone at any time. There's no doubt in my mind they were a major cause for my anxiety problems, and my therapist agrees wholeheartedly. The sooner I move out the better.


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## Porterdog (Sep 17, 2010)

My parents were heaps under protective, and i had bad SA growing up :/
I remember once when i was really young we went on a vacation to Sydney darlington harbour, which was packed because it was new years. We were at the playground, and i went and walked off for about 15 minutes surrounded by strangers. I got back and they didn't even notice i was gone. I remember watching porn and horror movies back when i was 6-7 years old.


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## artsygirl96 (Sep 27, 2011)

Yeah my parents were and still are overprotective. I guess this might be another reason why I have social anxiety.


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## Jinxx (May 10, 2011)

Overprotective Parents defiantly can lead you to developing SA because they limit you from a lot of interactions & events so you start to become like a hermit. People told my mother that she was overprotective of me but I don't think she was that bad. Maybe me being an introvert makes me not take much notice since I never really asked to go anywhere or do anything hardly in the first place. My father however doesn't give a crap what I do or where I go. Him & my mother went through a divorce when I was 5 so it really doesn't matter on his behalf anyways. I believe my Social Anxiety stringed from bullying & genetics.


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## Sabreena (Feb 17, 2012)

My parents are conservative Muslims. They're a lot more overprotective than most Muslim parents. I've never been to public school, I go to a full time Islamic school where my mom teaches and watches over me like a hawk. Everyone knows everyone, so I never get away with anything because word always somehow gets back to my mom.

My (so called) friends are all Muslim but my mom considers them a bad influence. I only go to their houses once every few months. I can't go to sleepovers because my mom thinks their dads or brothers are going to rape me (which is ****ing disturbing.) I'm not allowed to go to the mall or the movies. When I went bowling with my friends they invited some of their friends who happen to have XY chromosomes. My mom found out and called all their parents and grounded me for a month for "damaging her reputation' with my "immorality." WHAT IMMORALITY? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THOSE BOYS.

All my life I've had to do things I don't want to do. I'm forced to go to the mosque all the time and wear a headscarf and pretend to be Muslim when I'm NOT...I don't believe in God! I pretend to be a straight girl and listen quietly when people talk homophobic BS, while hiding the fact that I'm lesbian. When I tried to kill myself in April I had to lie at the hospital and say I "accidentally" swallowed 30 pills (as if anyone's stupid enough to do that) because my mom was scared social services would take me away from her, and THEN what would happen to her precious reputation, which is evidently the only thing she cares about?

It definitely contributed to my SA. I mean, I'm emotionally, mentally and financially dependent on my parents because they never gave me the chance to develop on my own! I'm not _blaming_ them for my anxiety but it probably played a role. I've had to stifle my values and sacrifice my personality in order to please them. I don't even know who I am, i dont know HOW to be normal.

Rant over...sorry for the text wall heheh ^.^


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Mine were V overprotective and used to say things like "if you go off the nasty man might get you" which scared me and is probably why I get a little paranoid when I hear a bang and im in the house alone :rain


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## insaniac (Jun 29, 2012)

They think I am incompetent even though I get the job done. I am 16 btw....


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## ang (Mar 16, 2012)

I'm 30 now but my parents were/still are very overprotective. I've been married for a year now, but my parents still try to control my life. I'm trying to give them boundaries, it's not easy though. Also, my SA got worse over time. I didn't move out of my parents' house 'till I was 25 and the problems didn't end there. I have a much older brother whom I'm not so close with anymore, but he acted protective of me as well. Even as an adult, my dad still talked to me and treated me like a little baby. He still calls me sometimes because he misses me and wants to hear my voice, even though I'm married and I'm not a little baby anymore. It's gotten to the point that I'm afraid of death, not just because I haven't done much in my life and it would be too late to do things if I die, but also because if I became ill I know my parents would overreact and get too emotional and not deal with it well, I'm practically their reason for living and I don't know how I'd deal with it since my parents would panic and cry like crazy. I went to the gyno last year for the first time at 29 and was relieved when no one called me, meaning there was no bad news to tell me. Now I'm getting nervous 'cause it's the time again soon to go back and I'm paranoid, like what if now something is wrong? Gosh even making doctor's/eye appointments or even calling to switch doctors makes me timid and nervous. I also get scared of something happening to my husband and becoming a widow. My husband is my best friend, I don't have any other reliable friends, just him. I get scared thinking if something happens to him, I won't be okay and I'll go back to being lonely and really depressed. Also I've been unemployed for 9 months now, it's just my husband working. I get scared thinking if something happens to him, I might still have trouble getting a job and I won't be able to pay rent and I'll end up living with my parents again, which would be my worst nightmare besides dying. Well I'm sure I could live with my mom and dad in-law, I have before when the husband was still living with them and I moved in with them when I moved back to the area, even though my parents wanted me to move back in with them. I'm extremely shy, I don't communicate well and I'm not always articulate or know how to explain things well. I wish I could be normal at times. Glad there are others who understand.


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## ang (Mar 16, 2012)

Also, I'm short, have a baby face and look really young, like a 13 year old. I'm sure that had my parents and brother, also other people, treating me like a baby too, besides me being real nice and shy.


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