# I'm Feeling Frustrated. . .Sexually



## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

That's how I feel.
I push myself in every aspect, but I just can't get with a woman. I push myself in school. I push myself through work. I push myself in my hobbies. I genuinely try and try to be a good person. Someone who is as nice as he is cunning. Creative as he is intellectual. Profound as he is easy going. And I aspire myself to these things everyday. I work out. Get good rest. Eat healthy. Try noFap (recently). Quit fast food. Quit drinking. Just. . .eveything that you'd think someone should do to live a better lifestyle. . .I do these things daily and I stick to my guns and make sure I keep up in the progressive lifestyle I choose to lead. . .

BUT I CANT FOR THE LIFE OF ME GET WITH A WOMAN. . .Now I'm not a virgin, but it has been quite some time since i have last gotten laid and I'm extremely frustrated because of it. I have gotten close to multiple occasions and have talked about "doing the deed" with a few girls, but it just never happens. . .It's always a, "Oh I'm not looking for that atm" or "You're personality is great just not my type" or "I'd prefer if we were just friends". . .and every single time I hear one of these things, I have to remind myself not to act irrationally and turn into a blaring misogynist, if only for a moment.

I seriously try so hard to be a catch and be a better person and do things for myself and not put emphasis on relying on sexual desires. . .but ****ing A i would be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to get laid. . .its ****ing stupid. . .
I'm getting older and I'm starting to feel that most woman my age have had far more sexual partners than I've had (2). . .I mean I'm reaching 23 and this one girl who was 20 who I almost got with has had literally 10 times that amount. . .I mean, do I think that's a lot? Not really. . .But that's not the point I'm getting at. . .She can have as many partners as she likes but as she is experiencing herself sexually, I'm getting left wondering about sexual exploitations and about things I want to discover about myself, *that its starting to effect my judgement based on girls that I'm attracted to, say for, a relationship*. . .'Oh that girl has a great personality and is really my type. But **** I want to get laid. I'm just going to rush my way through things and say something that won't get me a girlfriend or any action'. . .like ****. . .

And here I'm 23 and getting older, and woman are exploring themselves, and yes please I have nothing against that. . .but I'm starting to feel like I'm getting dragged behind. . .like my sexual experience is not going to be at par for say a woman my age, who now has discovered her sexual prowess and is more in tune with what she wants in a relationship, without focusing on sex. . .
I'm ****ing frustrated man. Sexually. I am. And I want to get laid. I need to get laid. . .****


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

You get sex when you start to realize it's about her. Not you.

If you learn to not take actions of your needs she will take care of your needs at some point..

And thats how it should be. SOOO!

By default.. You are only there to make her happy. 

Because you want to.

And why would you want to?

So do what she wants and be nice to girls. 
Even if you want sex being together and respecting what eachother wants or doesn't want then it should be fine


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Znuffle said:


> You get sex when you start to realize it's about her. Not you.
> 
> If you learn to not take actions of your needs she will take care of your needs at some point..
> 
> ...


Wait, seriously??

I am only there to make her happy? Please. There's enough people in this world already. I'm not about to be someone's b****. Nope. Uh Uh. Sorry. Sounds like a cop out to me. A big one. Probably the biggest. Just 'cause I want to get laid doesn't mean I'm going to stop respecting myself, and devote myself entirely to make someone happy. Please. That sounds fake. And dumb. Doesn't that sound dumb to you? That "If I learn not to take action of my needs," ??? Ummm what?? Uhhh f*** that. That's ridiculous. That's ludicrous. That is not how I live my life. That sounds like a waste of time. Almost as big of a waste of time as, "By default. .I'm only there to make her happy." Ummmmm, I'll have you know, I'm NOT only here to make anyone happy. And I'm definitely not leaving my needs in someone else's hands. F*** that s***.

_Staff Edit_


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Here's some basic psychology to help get this thread back on track:










Notice that sex is at the very bottom there with food, water, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion?

I'll say that I have a lot of the other parts of the different levels achieved, in the sense that I'm working every day to better myself in each specific manner. But as the pyramid is built, all that stuff seems kinds shaky if the foundation is not fully set. . .that's kinda how I feel. . .I am frustrated sexually because Im not getting laid, despite other things going great in my life. . .this in turn is making my great only good and sometimes not good at all. . .

I'm not so much posing a question as I'm just getting some thoughts out. I can take criticism (constructive) and I like juggling ideas. Just please if you're going to say anything, don't be condescending from the get go please. I'd appreciate it


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

haha, this thread.

I think you should go to a brothel in Las Vegas. And stop doing the nofap thing, it makes no sense to stop using your one guaranteed outlet for sexual frustration while you're incredibly sexually frustrated.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> haha, this thread.
> 
> I think you should go to a brothel in Las Vegas. And stop doing the nofap thing, it makes no sense to stop using your one guaranteed outlet for sexual frustration while you're incredibly sexually frustrated.


I disagree i think the noFap thing is perfect for this situation I'm in. . .its kinda like telling a recovering drug addict to just drink alcohol, because it's his only outlet from the withdrawals :roll


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

bioalp43 said:


> Notice that sex is at the very bottom there with food, water, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion?


I know how you feel. Basically, either have sex with prostitutes or get really good at masturbating and finding porn.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> I'm ****ing frustrated man. Sexually. I am. And I want to get laid. I need to get laid. . .****


 That's what hookers are for.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

bioalp43 said:


> I disagree i think the noFap thing is perfect for this situation I'm in. . .its kinda like telling a recovering drug addict to just drink alcohol, because it's his only outlet from the withdrawals :roll


:um no, it's not... It's more like you're trying to lose weight by exercising and eating more healthily, but instead of going on a diet you just decide to starve yourself instead.

And it doesn't seem to be doing anything for you. I'm sure it has a placebo effect for some guys, you don't seem to be one of them.

And since I assume you are unable to get casual sex, or you wouldn't have made this thread, this is how your situation will play out:

When you're hungry you turn into a wolf that's starved itself of food, and you're trying to hang out with a bunch of sheep. However the sheep know you want to eat them, they're not usually stupid, so the sheep will keep away from you.

So, you need to eat something to get it out of your system or unfortunately, the sheep will continue to run away from you. Or you can find a female wolf, but I'm guessing they are eluding you.


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## Perception (Nov 25, 2013)

I suggest you guys read a book called The Way of The Superior Man. It talks about the dynamics between masculine and feminine energies.

In my opinion, what Znuffle said was some major bull**** and I commend you for saying what you said bioalp34. It's bad enough when you hear a feminazi say that.



Znuffle said:


> If you learn to not take actions of your needs she will take care of your needs at some point..


****! That would be some horrible sex. I'd rather jack off for the rest of my life.
And, a woman will resent a man who acts like that. I'm serious Znuffle, there's a better way to live.

But I think you gotta believe in something greater than yourself. You gotta do what makes you happy other than getting laid. What is your purpose? Why do you do all the things you do? For her? That's not gonna work.

I'd say, do the things you want to do with your life, be the type of man you want to be, and women will respect that. The rest will follow.

I'm not saying that you don't have a greater purpose bioalp34, or know why you're eat healthy and so on, cause I don't know. And I feel your frustration man I really do. But I'm just sharing what I've come to believe/understand.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> bioalp43 said:
> 
> 
> > I disagree i think the noFap thing is perfect for this situation I'm in. . .its kinda like telling a recovering drug addict to just drink alcohol, because it's his only outlet from the withdrawals
> ...


While I appreciate what your saying, I think you're misguided by the implications of masturbation. Taking your sheep/wolf analogy. . .

. .a female sheep will sense you're hungry a lot more if you masturbate then if you didn't. The reason being is that you're a slave to your sexual releases, and simply put a woman will be much more aware to someone who doesnt have the willpower to look past when they're going to get their next fix, or sexual release. .

It's sorta like how you can tell someone with an active drug habit much easier than you can tell someone who was once a drug-addict but no longer abuses. . .masturbation can be thought in the same way and I refuse to limit my capabilities as a growing male adult by choosing to masturbate for a quick "release."

Sorry masturbation sounds like I'd be running away from the problem :stu


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

^ Masturbation isn't the issue, you're not a slave to sexual release. The problem is the porn you probably use while you masturbate which ****s up your mind and makes you see women too sexually, and primes your reward circuits to constantly seek out girls for sex. Go ahead and tug away, just do it far away from the computer.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> I disagree i think the noFap thing is perfect for this situation I'm in. . .its kinda like telling a recovering drug addict to just drink alcohol, because it's his only outlet from the withdrawals :roll


Holy christ that analogy. Anyway, I agree about not fapping, it's a good thing and will make you push yourself that much more to meet women. As for why you're not successful with women at the moment, well according to what you said in your original post the only thing I could gather is that you really are rushing your way through things and trying to get laid instead of just playing it cool. Sounds like you're coming off as pushy/desperate/needy instead of just normal, fun and conversational. And you'll get nowhere fast with that kind of approach.

How did your last attempt with a girl go? How did you meet, what did you say, what did she say, etc.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Perception said:


> I
> But I think you gotta believe in something greater than yourself. You gotta do what makes you happy other than getting laid. What is your purpose? Why do you do all the things you do? For her? That's not gonna work.
> 
> I'd say, do the things you want to do with your life, be the type of man you want to be, and women will respect that. The rest will follow.
> ...


Thank you I appreciate this comment.

Im pretty content with where my life has headed over the past year. .I've got a solid 5-day work week, I'm finishing up school, I've met a great group of people that share common interests with me, and I feel like I'm much more put together (by far) then when I first joined this site. . .my only issue isn't so much that I'm lacking the direction, but rather that I'm holding a lot of this weight on my shoulders, that's kinda nagging me to get laid. .It's stupid and frustrating and I'm glad you understand that. . .I should just forget about getting laid and just keep going on that paper-chase, ya know??

But what you said brings up a lot of the reasons why I chose to join NoFap. I just have been a victim of my masturbation and porn-watching for so long, and I'm under the impression that my masturbation replaced a lot of my motivation to meet woman, take-up opportunities in life, be more active, face my problems head-on, etc. .I know it sounds crazy, but I would masturbate to escape reality, like, "Man me and that girl really hit it off today. ****, I really want to masturbate. . .I'm going to fantasize about her." Yet instead of going through the emotions of any stimulating conversation I would have, I'd just masturbate and feel instant gratification. . .

Its kinda sad, and I'm taking this NoFap seriously. Mostly as a testament for my will-power. That I don't need to masturbate. I don't need to run away from my problems. And I don't need to be a slave to any sort of sexual desires.

Thanks 



Shameful said:


> ^ Masturbation isn't the issue, you're not a slave to sexual release. The problem is the porn you probably use while you masturbate which ****s up your mind and makes you see women too sexually, and primes your reward circuits to constantly seek out girls for sex. Go ahead and tug away, just do it far away from the computer.


I agree there is a lot of truth in what you said, especially about the part of porn creating unrealistic expectations with woman you meet. .But I wouldn't go so far to say masturbation isn't the issue. I mean especially if you do it excessively, masturbation can get you in this habit of instant reward/instant gratification and any sort of process that comes with sorting emotions and trying to understand oneself better can just be shrugged off (or should I say jacked-off :lol). .So I believe both porn and masturbation can be detrimental.



rymo said:


> Holy christ that analogy. Anyway, I agree about not fapping, it's a good thing and will make you push yourself that much more to meet women. As for why you're not successful with women at the moment, well according to what you said in your original post the only thing I could gather is that you really are rushing your way through things and trying to get laid instead of just playing it cool. Sounds like you're coming off as pushy/desperate/needy instead of just normal, fun and conversational. And you'll get nowhere fast with that kind of approach.
> 
> How did your last attempt with a girl go? How did you meet, what did you say, what did she say, etc.


Thank you I really appreciate this comment, and I think you hit on something really good.

My last two attempts at girls, which were in the past 30 days, pretty much led up to a night hanging out at a bar, going back to their place, and then me completely trying to rush my way through things. . .Like ****. . .I had one of the girls on the couch but I was just way too damn pushy haha 

I mean, I was normal and conversational but I kinda fumbled at the five-yard line. .I guess I am kinda needy in that regard. I do come off as desperate but even worse is that I'm even more of a slave to my sexual desires than I thought.

*****kkkk, thanks for bringing this up dude. I am pretty serious about NoFap and I'm only six days in. .I really want to take this NoFap as an opportunity to free myself from my obvious intentions with most woman I meet. . .I am a slave to my sexual desires, and I am hereby plan on working my way out of this hole and freeing myself from the notion that I will let my sex-life (or-lack-there-of) control me.

Thanks dude. This was really good


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> Thank you I really appreciate this comment, and I think you hit on something really good.
> 
> My last two attempts at girls, which were in the past 30 days, pretty much led up to a night hanging out at a bar, going back to their place, and then me completely trying to rush my way through things. . .Like ****. . .I had one of the girls on the couch but I was just way too damn pushy haha
> 
> I mean, I was normal and conversational but I kinda fumbled at the five-yard line. .I guess I am kinda needy in that regard. I do come off as desperate but even worse is that I'm even more of a slave to my sexual desires than I thought.


I mean...you were at a girl's place after a night of hanging out...so it's only natural in that situation you would be expecting to get some. Maybe you weren't being dominant enough? Like you probably clammed up conversationally and were just biding your time before SEXY TIME without escalating in any way beforehand. And by escalating I mostly mean physically. Making out with the girl at the bar, being physical with her in general, also maintaining strong eye-contact, being close to her, etc. If you don't build up the sexual tension nothing's gonna happen.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

rymo said:


> I mean...you were at a girl's place after a night of hanging out...so it's only natural in that situation you would be expecting to get some. Maybe you weren't being dominant enough? Like you probably clammed up conversationally and were just biding your time before SEXY TIME without escalating in any way beforehand. And by escalating I mostly mean physically. Making out with the girl at the bar, being physical with her in general, also maintaining strong eye-contact, being close to her, etc. If you don't build up the sexual tension nothing's gonna happen.


I think I played it right and was pretty dominant.

To be fair to myself, I was feeling up on her and then out of nowhere she started to cry :um Turnouts she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years earlier that week lol. . .

Things got messy after that. F*** and it was my birthday and everything. . .I met her, told her it was my birthday, went bar-hopping, she bought me alcohol and a handle to take back to her place, andddddd thennnnnnnnn she cries LOL

Man, I can't tell you how frustrating that s*** is in retrospect, especially now that I haven't gotten as close since. .


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> I think I played it right and was pretty dominant.
> 
> To be fair to myself, I was feeling up on her and then out of nowhere she started to cry :um Turnouts she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years earlier that week lol. . .
> 
> ...


I hate to tell you this or sound crude, but when girls are emotional about their exes it is just about the easiest time ever to get some action. A girl who is crying about her ex wants to hook up with another guy to make her forget about him. All you had to do was talk to her for a little bit, make her laugh, *engage* her so she starts to forget about him...and then she would have been all over you for making her feel better.

It doesn't sound like you have trouble getting girls, it just sounds like you can't relate to girls on a human level. And that's going to cost you with some girls, and rightfully so. You can be a nice guy and dominant at the same time.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

rymo said:


> I hate to tell you this or sound crude, but when girls are emotional about their exes it is just about the easiest time ever to get some action. A girl who is crying about her ex wants to hook up with another guy to make her forget about him. All you had to do was talk to her for a little bit, make her laugh, *engage* her so she starts to forget about him...and then she would have been all over you for making her feel better.
> 
> It doesn't sound like you have trouble getting girls, it just sounds like you can't relate to girls on a human level. And that's going to cost you with some girls, and rightfully so. You can be a nice guy and dominant at the same time.


Yeah you might be hitting on something. .Not take take away from what you said, but it wasn't a bad break-up---it was actually as good as a break-up as someone can get, like, they were dating since 17 and both thought it would be good to date other people. They're still close friends but she just was going through the emotions naturally.

But **** I coulda capitalized on it. Good break-up or not, that was my opportunity.

Shucks. At least I experienced that, ya know? I'll rather take a strike-out then never making it at a chance to bat. . .I just won't strike-out next time.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> Yeah you might be hitting on something. .Not take take away from what you said, but it wasn't a bad break-up---it was actually as good as a break-up as someone can get, like, they were dating since 17 and both thought it would be good to date other people. They're still close friends but she just was going through the emotions naturally.
> 
> But **** I coulda capitalized on it. Good break-up or not, that was my opportunity.
> 
> Shucks. At least I experienced that, ya know? I'll rather take a strike-out then never making it at a chance to bat. . .I just won't strike-out next time.


Good attitude.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

rymo said:


> Good attitude.


BUT OH YEAH I JUST REMEMBERED WHY I COULDNT SEAL THE DEAL.

IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE KNEW MY OLDER BROTHER, AND HER AND HIM HAD A SHORT FLING LIKE A WEEK PRIOR.

But the problem was is that even though I made it further, she liked my brother as a friend and felt she'd be disrespecting him. . .Like holy s*** I could not be making this up. That is literally what happened. . .

*****, please, if you know a way to still make it happen at that point please share :cry


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bioalp43 said:


> BUT OH YEAH I JUST REMEMBERED WHY I COULDNT SEAL THE DEAL.
> 
> IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE KNEW MY OLDER BROTHER, AND HER AND HIM HAD A SHORT FLING LIKE A WEEK PRIOR.
> 
> ...


I dunno man. Sometimes **** happens. Can't win em all.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Shameful said:


> ^ Masturbation isn't the issue, you're not a slave to sexual release. The problem is the porn you probably use while you masturbate which ****s up your mind and makes you see women too sexually, and primes your reward circuits to constantly seek out girls for sex. Go ahead and tug away, just do it far away from the computer.


That's an interesting theory, seems it's more based on assumption than anything substantial though.

Men will see women sexually whether they watch porn or not. Men will seek out women for sex even if they don't watch it. We're kind of biologically programmed for this, if we didn't go for it the human race would go extinct.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

rymo said:


> I dunno man. Sometimes **** happens. Can't win em all.


"Speeches only reaches those who already know about it"

Man thanks for the talk its been enlightening


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Sometimes you go through bad luck streaks, where everything you try seems to turn out wrong, or there just aren't many opportunities coming up. It's hard to get through the droughts where nothing is going your way. But you keep trying, and learning, and improving yourself, eventually you'll hit it off with a girl.


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

Perception said:


> I suggest you guys read a book called The Way of The Superior Man. It talks about the dynamics between masculine and feminine energies.
> 
> In my opinion, what Znuffle said was some major bull**** and I commend you for saying what you said bioalp34. It's bad enough when you hear a feminazi say that.
> 
> ...


Maybe i'm to much 1 sided.. But thats how it works in Denmark... We're all a bunch of *****'s. And if you want sex here in denmark you gotta be like I just described.. :/

Thats just how it is here..


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

Abusing hookers is a terrible suggestion, you would only feel more worthless and dirty. Masturbation or ego-stroking isn't a solution either. The best thing to do is to have patience and wait for the right moment. Patience is a virtue. Eventually you will get what you waited for and it will be worth the wait. Impatience, hurrying, and 
nervousness only leads to more failure. It's not only about your selfish wants and needs, but what really is good for you and what you receive. It's not only about what I can get, but more about what is meant for me, and what is given to you. Lower your demands and be happy with what you receive.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mjkittredge said:


> Sometimes you go through bad luck streaks, where everything you try seems to turn out wrong, or there just aren't many opportunities coming up. It's hard to get through the droughts where nothing is going your way. But you keep trying, and learning, and improving yourself, eventually you'll hit it off with a girl.


This seems to be my experience as well. The waiting is the hard part.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

rymo said:


> *I hate to tell you this or sound crude, but when girls are emotional about their exes it is just about the easiest time ever to get some action. A girl who is crying about her ex wants to hook up with another guy to make her forget about him. All you had to do was talk to her for a little bit, make her laugh, engage her so she starts to forget about him...and then she would have been all over you for making her feel better.*
> 
> It doesn't sound like you have trouble getting girls, it just sounds like you can't relate to girls on a human level. And that's going to cost you with some girls, and rightfully so. You can be a nice guy and dominant at the same time.


What a dick thing to do. That is completely insensitive and I honestly have no respect for any person that would try something like that.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> What a dick thing to do. That is completely insensitive and I honestly have no respect for any person that would try something like that.


Try to see it from the womans perspective in that situation. Maybe she did want to throw herself into the arms of another person for comfort, to help her get over this guy she broke up with. I've been there myself.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

mjkittredge said:


> Try to see it from the womans perspective in that situation. Maybe she did want to throw herself into the arms of another person for comfort, to help her get over this guy she broke up with. I've been there myself.


If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Persephone The Dread said:


> If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


In reality it's not really that easy and doesn't happen that often anyway. But if she's throwing herself at you, a man might take it.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I think you're going into some very murky territory if you're trying to get sex from someone when they're emotionally a bit of a wreck :sus


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> I think you're going into some very murky territory if you're trying to get sex from someone when they're emotionally a bit of a wreck :sus


Not if they want it and it's mutual. That's not murky.

Trying to manipulate a vulnerable person for your own gratification when it's something they don't want, that's not murky either.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


Not everyone who wants it makes a move. There is usually subtlety involved to preserve dignity and not be labelled a ess-el-you-tee. Inviting a guy back to her place was kind of a sign. Guys are expected to "take the hint" and are rejected/friend-zoned if they don't get it. I think it's up to a woman to inform the guy, if she's inviting him back to her place "this is strictly platonic - ie no sex" otherwise it's on the table in a situation like that. Set the ground rules and avoid confusion. Guys will respect you more for being up front and clear, so they don't have to wonder and guess.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

mjkittredge said:


> Not everyone who wants it makes a move. There is usually subtlety involved to preserve dignity and not be labelled a ess-el-you-tee. Inviting a guy back to her place was kind of a sign. Guys are expected to "take the hint" and are rejected/friend-zoned if they don't get it. I think it's up to a woman to inform the guy, if she's inviting him back to her place "this is strictly platonic - ie no sex" otherwise it's on the table in a situation like that. Set the ground rules and avoid confusion. Guys will respect you more for being up front and clear, so they don't have to wonder and guess.


Oh right, nevermind. I forgot Humans were insane again. Go ahead. Weird *** mating rituals...


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

mjkittredge said:


> Not if they want it and it's mutual. That's not murky.


You're trying to be categoric on an issue that is not cut and dry my friend. At best, you could probably make a case for the above. I wouldn't agree with you, but it's definitely debatable.



mjkittredge said:


> Trying to manipulate a vulnerable person for your own gratification when it's something they don't want, that's not murky either.


You could not however under any circumstances make a case here. There would be no difference in this scenario to trying to steal from someone who's drunk. You'd be a certified scum bag for even attempting to do so.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Royals said:


> Abusing hookers is a terrible suggestion, you would only feel more worthless and dirty. Masturbation or ego-stroking isn't a solution either. The best thing to do is to have patience and wait for the right moment. Patience is a virtue. Eventually you will get what you waited for and it will be worth the wait. Impatience, hurrying, and
> nervousness only leads to more failure. It's not only about your selfish wants and needs, but what really is good for you and what you receive. It's not only about what I can get, but more about what is meant for me, and what is given to you. Lower your demands and be happy with what you receive.


Patience is a virtue, that is wise. 
But what about you, Royals, did you achieve your goals in this area?


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> You're trying to be categoric on an issue that is not cut and dry my friend. At best, you could probably make a case for the above. I wouldn't agree with you, but it's definitely debatable.
> 
> You could not however under any circumstances make a case here. There would be no difference in this scenario to trying to steal from someone who's drunk. You'd be a certified scum bag for even attempting to do so.


You seem to have comprehension issues. If a person wants it, it is cut and dry, if they don't, they don't. We don't know what the woman the OP mentioned really wanted. I think based on what he said, that she did want to fool around with him but then in the moment was emotionally overwhelmed by the feelings of her recent breakup and changed her mind.

The case I was making in the second part was that it wasn't murky - it's clear being manipulative with a person who isn't into it is a bad thing.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


It's not about calculatingly trying to get sex just because someone is vulnerable. It's trying to get sex from a girl that you like and who likes you, and it just so happens that she is emotional about something.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

mjkittredge said:


> You seem to have comprehension issues. If a person wants it, it is cut and dry, if they don't, they don't. We don't know what the woman the OP mentioned really wanted. I think based on what he said, that she did want to fool around with him but then in the moment was emotionally overwhelmed by the feelings of her recent breakup and changed her mind.
> 
> The case I was making in the second part was that it wasn't murky - it's clear being manipulative with a person who isn't into it is a bad thing.


Really now? Because it looks to me like you don't seem to understand what the word murky means, at least in this context. Go re-read what you wrote. 'Cos I certainly stand by what I've stated.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

bioalp43 said:


> I'm ****ing frustrated man. Sexually. I am. And I want to get laid. I need to get laid. . .****


 This is probably not going to sound very helpful but it's all I've got. Bear in mind that this is coming from a man who has not been near a woman sexually for decades.

What would you do if you got frustrated with anything else? You have to accept that this might be something you just will not achieve. Nobody can give you advice that will definitely get you sex. Not in the way you want it anyway.

You cannot expect women to want you just because you're trying. I mean, think about it. There are people who are trying to become astronauts or trying to do anything you can think of. Many of those people might not ever get what they want and they're not going crazy.

You have to learn to accept things. Life is all about changing what you can and accepting what you can't change. You can't change other people and you have obviously made many changes to yourself.

The one change you sound like you need more than anything else is the ability to just sit down and forget about what you can't have until/unless you can.

Build your own life and get interested in doing your own thing. If nothing comes, you won't be sitting around waiting for nothing.

But here's the thing. Women generally tend to be much more interested in men who are busy doing something. And frankly, women can smell desperation and they hate it.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


Agreed.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

bioalp43 said:


> here's some basic psychology to help get this thread back on track:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


seriously??? well, that chart makes me feel **** about my life. I don't have half of those needs down, and especially not that one. Damn. But it honestly surprises me that sex is such a primary need in humans, according to Maslow. I would have thought that security of body/health/family/etc were more important and that the 'belonging' layer was more important.



willyoustopdave said:


> this is probably not going to sound very helpful but it's all i've got. Bear in mind that this is coming from a man who has not been near a woman sexually for decades.
> 
> What would you do if you got frustrated with anything else? You have to accept that this might be something you just will not achieve. Nobody can give you advice that will definitely get you sex. Not in the way you want it anyway.
> 
> ...


This is a great post. True for everybody, imo.



persephone the dread said:


> if she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.





paper samurai said:


> i think you're going into some very murky territory if you're trying to get sex from someone when they're emotionally a bit of a wreck :sus


Agreed 100% with these. Intentional rebound is obviously 100% above board, well and good, but like... drunk and crying? or even sober and crying? Or generally vulnerable? Shaky ground indeed.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> Really now? Because it looks to me like you don't seem to understand what the word murky means, at least in this context. Go re-read what you wrote. 'Cos I certainly stand by what I've stated.


Murky means unclear. Hard to see. Figuratively, hard to understand.

You just didn't understand what I wrote. That's okay. No need to comment further, nothing productive or interesting can come from it.


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## 58318 (Jul 15, 2011)

When I was in my late teens there was this girl that was throwing herself at me, she was a few years younger than me and super drunk, all my mates were saying I should **** her, she was drunk and it would have been taking advantage. But everyone acted like I was some gay alien for not doing it.

I actually lost my virginity in a similar situation, girl came looking for me super drunk with a condom. Again everyone saying I should bang her, even her best friend. I was only 13 at this point so gave in to the peer pressure pretty quickly. ppl are weird srs


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

mjkittredge said:


> Murky means unclear. Hard to see. Figuratively, hard to understand.
> 
> You just didn't understand what I wrote. That's okay. No need to comment further, nothing productive or interesting can come from it.


Yes unclear; a grey area, not objectively right or wrong. That last one in particular should be kept in focus - and again I stand by what I wrote earlier in this thread.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Royals said:


> Abusing hookers is a terrible suggestion, you would only feel more worthless and dirty. Masturbation or ego-stroking isn't a solution either. The best thing to do is to have patience and wait for the right moment. Patience is a virtue. Eventually you will get what you waited for and it will be worth the wait. Impatience, hurrying, and
> nervousness only leads to more failure. It's not only about your selfish wants and needs, but what really is good for you and what you receive. It's not only about what I can get, but more about what is meant for me, and what is given to you. Lower your demands and be happy with what you receive.


I agree with mostly what you say. But you never mention anything about upgrading your lifestyle. . .ya know?? Like working hard today for a better tomorrow. .

I think that's where a lot of my motivation comes from. .I know I am capable of achieving things, and I know I have the work ethic. I'm not saying that I should accept things but rather accept things while working to improve your situation in life. . .thats how I feel.



Paper Samurai said:


> I think you're going into some very murky territory if you're trying to get sex from someone when they're emotionally a bit of a wreck :sus


I will say that while she was emotional, I didn't have ill intentions of taking advantage of her, despite still trying to proceed with getting some action. .

I mean, she was not drunk enough to drive us back to her place, she even stopped to purchase some alcohol so we can drink there. We put on some music. Danced. Sat on the couch. And. . . .tears. . .

So sure, I could have toned it back but I don't view that as me taking advantage of her, if something did happen. .It was more so being in the right place at the wrong time, and even though I kept pursuing forward, there was eventually a point where I realized it wouldn't happen and then I just spent time focusing on her ex.

Meh. She liked me and I liked her. It would have been a good time. Shucks. . .



WillYouStopDave said:


> This is probably not going to sound very helpful but it's all I've got. Bear in mind that this is coming from a man who has not been near a woman sexually for decades.
> 
> What would you do if you got frustrated with anything else? You have to accept that this might be something you just will not achieve. Nobody can give you advice that will definitely get you sex. Not in the way you want it anyway.
> 
> ...


Here here. I think you put what i described yesterday into much better wording.

. .I have things I can be focusing on in my life other than sex. I wouldn't go so far to say that I accept my sexual frustration. But I can live with it. And I will live with it. And while I do live with it I will work on bettering myself in every aspect I can think of so that my sexual frustrations don't control me. . .

People always put emphasis on accepting things, which I totally agree on. But I want people to put more emphasis on working hard everyday, to get their things done and strive to be a more conscientious and better member of society. . . and just a human being in general.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

eveningbat said:


> Patience is a virtue, that is wise.
> But what about you, Royals, did you achieve your goals in this area?


Not really, but like I said I have patience. I trust on God's exact timing then everything will be alright


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

bioalp43 said:


> Here here. I think you put what i described yesterday into much better wording.
> 
> . .I have things I can be focusing on in my life other than sex. I wouldn't go so far to say that I accept my sexual frustration. But I can live with it. And I will live with it. And while I do live with it I will work on bettering myself in every aspect I can think of so that my sexual frustrations don't control me. . .
> 
> *People always put emphasis on accepting things, which I totally agree on. But I want people to put more emphasis on working hard everyday, to get their things done and strive to be a more conscientious and better member of society. . . and just a human being in general.*


 Yes. But in doing that, understand that this still won't guarantee you anything in the way of success with women. So if you go into that and work your butt off BECAUSE you expect it to get you what you want, realize that if it doesn't have the effect that you want it to have, you will be even more frustrated. And that will be because the reason you really did it was simply because you expected to get laid.

To put it simply, you'll be even more frustrated if you end up feeling like you did it all for nothing.

By all means, if you really believe you're bettering yourself and the self-satisfaction alone is worth the work put into it to you, then you probably won't be bothered if it doesn't have the additional benefit of getting you sex.

This is how you have to look at it. If sex happens as a result of the work you've put into yourself, great. But don't just expect it to happen because you worked hard or you did everything right. Look at it as luck if it actually happens. If it doesn't, oh well. You're living a better life anyway. If you don't really want to do it, you'll probably be depressed if it doesn't do what you think it'll do.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> What a dick thing to do. That is completely insensitive and I honestly have no respect for any person that would try something like that.





Persephone The Dread said:


> If she makes a move that's one thing, but calculatingly trying to get sex from someone because 'people who are going through a breakup are sensitive' is horrible imo. We'll have to agree to disagree, you won't convince me otherwise.


+1


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Yes. But in doing that, understand that this still won't guarantee you anything in the way of success with women. So if you go into that and work your butt off BECAUSE you expect it to get you what you want, realize that if it doesn't have the effect that you want it to have, you will be even more frustrated. And that will be because the reason you really did it was simply because you expected to get laid.
> 
> To put it simply, you'll be even more frustrated if you end up feeling like you did it all for nothing.
> 
> ...


Good point. That's why I keep re-iterating my NoFap goals. .I'm trying not to be a slave to any sort of sexual desires.

Now does this mean that I will stop talking to woman or approaching them? No, of course not, quite frankly I enjoy their company. .But am I going to be expecting anything other than just talking or flirting or company? No. Definitely not.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

srschirm said:


> This seems to be my experience as well. The waiting is the hard part.


Relationships King?


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> Relationships King?


 oh yes his status, a king shouldn't have to wait though..:no


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

eveningbat said:


> Relationships King?


LOL it's referring more to my posting in this section of the forums than real-world success.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

OP you said in your first post that, well I'll quote:



> that its starting to effect my judgement based on girls that I'm attracted to, say for, a relationship. . .'Oh that girl has a great personality and is really my type. But **** I want to get laid. I'm just going to rush my way through things and say something that won't get me a girlfriend or any action'. . .like ****. . .


Which is why I think what you're doing now probably isn't working.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

You cant chase girls, it wouldnt work out for you.
In fact you cant chase anyone in order to get something, you need to let things heppen easily without too many expectations.


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> OP you said in your first post that, well I'll quote:
> 
> Which is why I think what you're doing now probably isn't working.


Well. . .yeah. . .I was saying that about how I feel not getting laid is effecting me.

Or at least thats how I viewed it. . .I've still been talking to woman but I've been putting a lot less attention on sex and more on just talking and chatting it up. Actually, most of it has been talking and chatting it up. . .I'm trying not be a slave to my sexual desires.

I know Ive said that a thousands times this thread, but thats kinda my goal--hence the no masturbating and no having to wash my socks or buy new toilet paper for said masturbating :lol


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

Umpalumpa said:


> You cant chase girls, it wouldnt work out for you.
> In fact you cant chase anyone in order to get something, you need to let things heppen easily without too many expectations.


I mean, just the phrase chasing girls is one I disagree with. .

If you mean talking to girls, then no, I'm not going to stop talking to them. But I'm trying not to focus on sex, and trying to just be above it, without any expectations, like you said.

Now as far as chasing people, I can definitely make myself more attractive by working and focusing on myself, bettering myself both mentally and physically. But anything that is too forward I'm trying to avoid since it'll just come off as desperate. .

I'm trying not to be a slave to my sexual desires


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Yes. But in doing that, understand that this still won't guarantee you anything in the way of success with women. So if you go into that and work your butt off BECAUSE you expect it to get you what you want, realize that if it doesn't have the effect that you want it to have, you will be even more frustrated. And that will be because the reason you really did it was simply because you expected to get laid.
> 
> To put it simply, you'll be even more frustrated if you end up feeling like you did it all for nothing.
> 
> ...


The sad thing is, I have nothing else to motivate me into getting better other than the potential to have a better social and romantic life. It feels like wasted effort when you are lonely and depressed.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

If you're a man you'll always be sexually frustrated.

If you don't have a girl you'll be frustrated.

If you do have a girl you'll be frustrated that you can't have sex with other girls. 

You have to learn how to manage your frustration. Of course the frustration is not as bad when you're in a relationship but it's still there. There is no escaping it unless you're Hugh Hefner.


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

What Girls Want:
1.) Guys with a career
2.) Cute Guys
3.) Funny Guys
4.) Rich Guys
5.) Caring Guys
6.) Athletic Guys
7.) Guys who are willing to go out

Of these I don't have any of them to the extent girls want and am behind in most.

If there's always someone better then you, and girls have high standards, how are you supposed to get a girl?


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

wmu'14 said:


> What Girls Want:
> 1.) Guys with a career
> 2.) Cute Guys
> 3.) Funny Guys
> ...


If I can add an 8th one. .

8) Guys with swaggers / Cool guys

Seriously on any given day I'll be oscillating between funny, caring, cute, or cool. But I'm to poor to establish any consistency in my life LOL 

No career. Not rich. Hardly call myself athletic (though I do go running -- if you call walking every 10 minutes a workout :lol). And I would like to go out if it weren't expensive.

Like, dear god, I seriously think some money in my bank account would boost my confidence with woman, and just my confidence in general. .Like I've been in debt for the past four years, and its just been engrained in me that I can't go out more than like 2-3s a month. .Even if I wanted to, I learned that It'll just put me in more debt and make me pity myself more for getting myself in this situation in the first place.

March 2015 I hope. That's the month that I hope to eliminate all my credit card debt and start to build some money in the bank. I imagine it will do absolute wonders to me as a person :yes


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## bioalp43 (Feb 10, 2012)

I should have you all know I haven't masturbated or watched porn in two weeks today.


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