# Don't feel like SA is holding me back anymore



## Zero From Outer Space (Jan 10, 2005)

When I first visited these boards in December 2004, I was a 20 year old community college dropout that had never held a job and had no future to look forward to. My parents had just split up and I was living in a new town with my dad and his new wife that I barely knew. I wasted ALL my time surfing on the internet and not much else. I had almost no money. I had no friends.

I took an F in several courses at junior college because I would experience panic attacks just walking up to the registrars office to drop classes that I didn't want. I got so depressed that I just stopped going to classes altogether and failed out the next semester. My GPA was like 1.9 and I could never transfer to my dream school. That depressed me more than anything.

I wasted like 6 months just doing nothing but surfing the internet. I can remember times where I was literally scared to leave the house. If someone was outside or across the street I wouldn't even walk in front of windows or doors in case they might see me.

I had reached a point where I realized I HAD to do something about my SA. I knew it was making me miserable. My past had already happened, but I knew that it was possible to salvage the future. I can't really explain how I did it, but I started setting goals for myself and working towards them.

First, I got a job. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I would be trembling and felt light headed just turning in an application. I had to skip some applications because I didn't have references to put down.

I got a job sacking groceries. I felt pathetic sacking groceries with kids 3-4 years younger than me but I still went in everyday and did the best I could. Within weeks they let me work on the stocking crew, which is what I wanted since it seemed more respectable and you didn't have to deal with customers as much. I worked as hard as I physically could on the stock crew, literally dripping with sweat and collapsing into bed by the time I got home every day. I would have to sleep a good 9 or 10 hours at night and still woke up sore the next morning. I was paid only 6.50 per hour, part-time, even though I regularly worked 40 hour weeks and worked harder than anyone else.

Approximately one year later, I was promoted to a department manager at my store. I got a big raise. It was my responsibility to run the stocking crew and to close the store without any other managers around. Several times a week I was in charge of 20 to 30 employees during peak hours. I had to learn how to deal with irate customers (and workers) with barely any training at all. I didn't even know how to work a cash register! Sometimes the manager would go on hunting trips during the day and leave the store in my hands. Remember, I had barely managed to turn in the application just one year before!

Meanwhile, I had managed the courage to sign up for college classes again. I paid for them with my own money. I started small, just an intro to sociology class or something like that. I got an A. Then I went for 2 or 3 classes, then a full semester.

I met some friends where I worked and moved in to a small apartment with 2 of them. They liked to have wild, loud parties with people coming and going all hours of the night. This is hell for someone with SA! But I sucked it up and kept on going. I met many people (including girls) there. For the first time in a long time, I had a genuine circle of friends that I truly enjoyed hanging out with.

At work, changing circumstances brought the president of our company (a multi-billion regional company) in regularly. I had to do my job with the president/major owner of the company breathing down my back many times! I got pretty good at dealing with major business figures as well as civic and community leaders that started to frequent our store often.

I had various girlfriends during this time. Most of them actually asked ME out! I used to think that no girl could ever be interested in me. I even worked up the courage to ask out a girl I had had my eye on for a long time and she said yes!! Even though these relationships never went anywhere and we have drifted apart, I believe that I will find that special girl someday.

I had saved up a bunch of money and bought myself a nice car. A clean late-model red Mustang. I wrote a check for it and bought it straight out. The feeling of accomplishment I got from firing up the engine and heading down the road in it for the first time is something everyone should experience at least once. It wasn't the money that made me happy, it was knowing that I had worked hard and accomplished what I had set out to do.

I worked on my grades and transferred to a good university. I am paying for everything myself with absolutely no parental support. I had to move again and leave some friends behind but I still keep in touch with them. My goal is to graduate in the next 2 years. I am actively working on keeping up a good academic record and making connections with people that will secure my future.

Not everything has been easy, but when I look back at what I have accomplished in the last few years I am proud of the progress that I have made. I haven't eliminated SA entirely, but I am confident that I have overcome it and will continue to pursue my dreams.

To summarize, in the just last 3 years (since march 2005), I:
-got my first job
-moved out of my parents home/support
-made lots of new friends
-went out with about 7 or 8 girls
-bought a nice car, payed cash for it
-transferred to a decent university
-am on the path to a happy and meaningful life

My purpose in writing this is not to brag or to be self-congratulatory. I just hope that I can impart a sense of hope to whoever reads this. Maybe they will think that, "yeah, maybe I can do it after all!" Of anyone on these boards I guarantee you my case of SA was one of the worst. If I could do it I know anyone else here can, too.

It wasn't always easy for me, but I certainly did some HARD work at improving my lot in life. I had a few setbacks, but I overcame them and I'm still working hard to go further. 

I know you can, too.


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## cicada (Aug 25, 2005)

Wow. I am very impressed and inspired. Stories like this help me stay motivated to keep working on my own SA. Thank you for sharing your accomplishments. Sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

This post genuinely inspires me.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Nice, this gives me hope.


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

Zero From Outer Space said:


> When I first visited these boards in December 2004, I was a 20 year old community college dropout that had never held a job and had no future to look forward to. My parents had just split up and I was living in a new town with my dad and his new wife that I barely knew. I wasted ALL my time surfing on the internet and not much else. I had almost no money. I had no friends.
> 
> I took an F in several courses at junior college because I would experience panic attacks just walking up to the registrars office to drop classes that I didn't want. I got so depressed that I just stopped going to classes altogether and failed out the next semester. My GPA was like 1.9 and I could never transfer to my dream school. That depressed me more than anything.
> 
> ...


I love your post, & more people should visit the _Triumphs_ section.. yeah, it sounds like you've been through quite a lot.. but hearing your story is very inspiring, even though it's still pretty hard to deal with.. but wow:smile2: you should definitely, definitely be proud of yourself.. many people wouldn't have to the courage to push through, good for you man:clap I like you have had struggles with school & other things etc. It's just finding that willpower to put myself through the pain everyday, but still.. I really like your story :yes


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## NE2 (May 5, 2015)

Yay false hope.

I'm kidding, I think. But for every story like yours there are probably 20 where someone gets a job that makes them miserable, or ****s up their back, or whatever, and they're worse off than before. I can't make that first step because I can see the good and bad outcomes and believe the bad to be more likely.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Amazing. I love stories like this.


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## JadedAm (Dec 28, 2011)

Powerful story. I am glad that life has been generous for you. Hopefully others can replicate your courage.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Amazing , esp your struggle with grades and ECT... 


it gives me hope..


since anxiety. Causes me to strugle with the simplest. Shxt..like driving.. But BC of u... And the fact my life has to change...im gonna do it.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

This is the best story out there.


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## ByStorm (Oct 22, 2013)

Old post is old. I wonder what else he's done since then. Anyways, very inspiring.


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