# Do you miss your ex?



## Takenout

And why?


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## gnomealone

Yes I miss her because she is a genuinely kind and interesting person. And 18 years together creates a lot
of memories, That said, I don't miss feeling bad about myself for not being her match at this point in our lives.
It's all for the best, although disruptive as hell when one doesn't do well with change.


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## Persephone The Dread

I'm still in contact with one, and I don't miss the other one.


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## Kilgore Trout

Never had one.


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## harrison

I don't miss one of them either. She was just unbelievable - literally. (actually I do sort of miss her)

My ex-wife's good because she knows how I can be and still puts up with me, even though I have to live somewhere else. I can understand that.


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## LightUpTheAzureSky

She ended up hurting me many times, we were never really able to recover from those things, and it just held us back in the end. so as things do in this life, it ended.
I miss us being able to hang out to a small extent, but other than that, no.
Single life can be lonely, but it also can be liberating, so i'm just trying to enjoy it.


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## discopotato

No.


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## Karsten

Negative.


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## andy1984

only in a nostelgia way. and missing the ones that are still friends. some good times and some awful ones and some boring ones. single now. could do with some company. some different company preferably.


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## LightUpTheAzureSky

andy1984 said:


> only in a nostelgia way. and missing the ones that are still friends. some good times and some awful ones and some boring ones. single now. could do with some company. some different company preferably.


Yeah, i can relate to this, a lot of my ex's tended to be a close friend at one point or throughout dating, so even when i'm over the romantic aspect, i still have nostalgia for those platonic connections, and those platonic connections are harder to 'get over' so to speak, at least for me.


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## SunshineSam218

Nope. Don't miss him one bit.


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## ShadowOne

sometimes. It's been long enough that I feel like I dont really know her anymore. But i still think about her a lot. Even after other experiences, shes easily the funniest person i've talked to.


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## Ekardy

I’m friends with most of my ex’s. We broke up amicably for the most part, realized we enjoy the friendship aspect but I don’t miss any of them THAT way.


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## komorikun

I've had 4 of them. Two of them were fun to hang out with (2nd and 3rd one). Easygoing guys that I could kid around with. So I suppose I miss talking to them and miss going out to places with them. I enjoyed their company. 

The other two (1st and 4th)...were not easy to get along with. One would just flat out lie sometimes (bordering on gaslighting) and wanted to control me. He'd criticize the way I dressed (not feminine enough in his opinion), get angry when I discussed past drug experimentation, and would refuse to kiss me after I had wine, saying I had wine breath. The other one was quite high strung and had low self-esteem. Any little thing that could even be considered mildly critical he'd take great offense to. He would want to "discuss" our relationship issues (in Japanese) for hours on end. Ugh...shoot me now. God he was a pain in the ***. At least he liked to get drunk with me (he worked at a wine factory) and have sex all night.


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## Mondo_Fernando

komorikun said:


> Easygoing guys that I could kid around with.


You forgot to mention the spam. :b


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## Mondo_Fernando

Loved them, broke down.

More like friends though since a little sprout.

They seem to be happy and that is good to hear.

I am Groot.


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## Quietguy86

From time to time, in a sort of what would life be like if we had stayed together, but than I think if we had maybe there are things I'm doing now I wouldn't have been able to do, or important people in my life I never would have met.


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## CloudChaser

I miss spending time with someone, being that close with someone, loving and being loved. 



I don't miss any of them specifically though.


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## Slacker

The companionship part sure, someone to enjoy things with.

The chaos that came with it? noooooope! I've seen enough people tackled and tazed by police for a lifetime.


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## Vip3r




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## exceptionalfool

No, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual at this point. There are 7 billion people in the world. I don't know what we were doing holding onto each other like that for so long with nowhere to go.


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## rockyraccoon

I wonder how many dates or events or whatever constitutes that two people are in a relationship, and if people actually say "so we are boyfriend/girlfriend now" to each other thus solidifying their attachment. Some people date multiple people at a time while others will date just one person at a time. (The ladder statement reflects my belief because I feel it would be disingenuous to date multiple people at a time). At what point are two people in a relationship? I'm trying to figure out if I even have an ex:con


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## Musicfan

Don't miss her that much but some days I reminisce since she was hot and it reminds me of the good old days. She's married with kids now and I've moved on and we would have never, ever worked out together in the long run.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

rockyraccoon said:


> I wonder how many dates or events or whatever constitutes that two people are in a relationship, and if people actually say "so we are boyfriend/girlfriend now" to each other thus solidifying their attachment. Some people date multiple people at a time while others will date just one person at a time. (The ladder statement reflects my belief because I feel it would be disingenuous to date multiple people at a time). At what point are two people in a relationship? I'm trying to figure out if I even have an ex:con


I could not have said it better myself.


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## StickyBunBuns

Very much so, but more because we had a friendship before we started dating. It wasn't perfect, but we had an instant, incredibly deep connection. Which, of course, was lost when we broke up, more on my end than his. He wants to stay friends while I am just not sure how healthy that will end up being. I think he just wants someone around, but not to where he has to put in any actual thought or feeling into it. However, I also don't miss him because the main reason the relationship/friendship failed was because he just didn't want to put the work and effort required into it. And he knew that, but dragged me into it, anyway. Unfortunately, his past made it difficult for him to get past how he'd been hurt in relationships and with friends and it closed him off in a lot of ways that aren't healthy for a relationship... or even a friendship, really.


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## coldsorehighlighter

My most recent ex? I mean, not really... we only dated two months, and that ended a few years ago. I do miss one specific ex, but I've let go of the hope I had been holding onto for too long. Still love her too, but I don't think you have to stop loving someone because you aren't together anymore. In fact, if you can stop, you maybe probably didn't love them in the first place.


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## intothesea

I don't. I am sorry for my part in it, but she only cared about herself and who wants to be with someone like that? I don't have any friends either, and that part is really hard, going back to being all alone, but it's better than being stuck with someone who only used me.


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## AFoundLady

Don't really have one, so nope!


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## SparklingWater

Ha! Not in the least! Otherwise I'd still be married to him.


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## SusanStorm

No, I've had two relationships and I don't miss any of them. There is some resentment there because when I think of them I only think about the negative stuff.
When I've broken up with them I've stayed for too long and it's more relieving than sad to end it.


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## RelinquishedHell

In retrospect, they weren't good people so no.


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## Reverie101

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> Nope. Don't miss him one bit.


Same. since being a part all the negative rushes to mind of how mean he was and how much crap i took from him. He wasn't right... and for me he doesnt count as a bf because he wasn't really a man to begin with.

He really sucked as a bf.

Im on to better things.


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## andy0128

No. There were some good times but as it was my first relationship in a long while i allowed her to be too controlling. She didn't show me much respect towards the end of the relationship either although perhaps that was immaturity on her part as there was a six year age gap.


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## Solomoon

Well, we didn't technically break up, the dream just ended. I do hope to dream of her again.


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## Mondo_Fernando

Dreams are free.


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## nubly

Eh, somewhat. She was fun to be around with and the sex was great.


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## leaf in the wind

I don't miss being in relationships with them, but I do miss them as people sometimes.

The first guy because of how attracted I was to him, and the chemistry we had with each other.

The second guy because of how we connected emotionally.

The third guy... Well it's too recent and my feelings are way too sour to miss him, but I do miss the better times.


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## Valkatox

Even though it ended (again) only a week or so ago... no.

This time last year she had moved in with another guy without me knowing (long distance, her in the US me in the UK). Said she wasn't cheating blah blah, but that was a red line for me. And we ended it after 4 years, some of which being engaged. Half a year later she messages me, still saying she never cheated, loved me, blah blah. But she was you know... with this guy now funnily enough and she admitted after I called it off she slept with and got with him to hurt me.

Long story short. She leaves him last year. Kept trying to get back with me, I said to her that she would have to work her *** off to prove herself to me that she wasn't a user / liar / cheat.
She half asses it for three months putting the bare minimum into the relationship. I keep finding stuff out that I really didn't like. Such as him going to her work place, texting and calling her, etc. And she was being very sketchy with things she was doing and how she was acting. Such as driving to his town all the time which is like a 40 minute drive away, even her Mom was very suspicious. But of course I knew if I said anything I'd get the whole "You don't trust me!" line even though she had no reason to go there.

Then I find out off her Mom that she had moved back in with this guy.... yep. Didn't even have the decency to admit she was cheating and all her lies finally spilled out. Seems she just used me for free vacations / my money.

I blame myself though really. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I'm mostly pissed off at myself. She wasted 5 years, had her bed all set and left me out in the cold. I'm now almost 30, left with no friends. Basically a shut in and she carries on not caring how much she f'ed me over.

Do I miss her? Not a bit. A horrible toxic person.
Infact I pity her, I may be left in the cold, even more depressed and a loner. But at least I'm not a selfish crappy person like her.

Anyway sorry for the rant if anyone bothers to read. Just nice to get it all off my chest.


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## cloudydreams

no


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## Bellamars47

yes we had such a deep connection. In all the 6 years that Ive been single Ive never met someone like him. But he doesn't love me back so there really is no point


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## Danishgal

No 🤣🤣🤣


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## Deonidas

You can't hallucinate and be losing weight


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## andy1984

i guess I do miss her a little? I mean life with her was impossible and stressful and crazy. but my life now is boring. I cant heal my life so I need a distraction.

she has a new bf now anyway, who she got almost straight after me. of course they are having the same troubles but lasted twice as long as we did so far. though I dont envy the new guy. so I wonder why I would even think about wanting to be that guy. I dont want to be that guy. I'm just alone... I want someone else but I guess it's hard to imagine other people wanting me...

I gave up that and I got this. it doesn't seem to matter what I do, unhappiness chases me everywhere.


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## blue2

All my exe's live in texas, that's why hang my hat in tennesee : /


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## exceptionalfool

Every time I see this thread pop up under recent discussions I have to think about and I really don't to because it just makes me angry the way she treated me when she ended things. It wasn't right. Do you hear me??? It wasn't right to do that to someone who really cared about you.


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## Zatch

Not really, but I hope they're doing well, if not much better. Missing them would be too precarious.


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## coeur_brise

Hmm, miss them or mourning them? I'm not so sure I differentiate the two. It was definitely very hard to separate so yes.. There's one that didn't exactly get away but didn't want what I wanted which was tough.


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## D'avjo

recent one yeah, all the others... nah....one of them i wish would go missing.


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## exceptionalfool




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## MMyoutube

Definitely not, but i miss woman's characteristics in general- sweetness, soft touch, perfume, kindness etc.


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## shyraclifford

yes because he was bigger and last longer than my current boyfriend. my current boyfriend is nice to me but not as exciting as my ex who cheated me. he still flirt me and I want to be a good girlfriend but getting less resistance to my ex lately


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## TheFighterStillRemains

He lied so much to himself and to me that I don't even think he was the man I fell in love with. I don't miss him because the him that I fell for was just an illusion. I don't miss his selfishness, emotional abuse, and how he broke me and had the nerve to blame me every time after his insincere apologies. We had good moments, of course, but in the grand scheme of things those don't mean much when they're attached to a toxic, manipulative, controlling liar.


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## leaf in the wind

I miss him, but not the relationship. It was the worst and most toxic relationship for both of us. 

What first drew us together were our similarities... but when in an intimate relationship, you need more compatibility than you do similarities. Two headstrong people are going to clash, and someone in the relationship is going to need to back down. Two people with the same character weaknesses will not complement each other, and those weaknesses are just amplified.

We thought we were peas in a pod... and ended up not even being oil and water, but Mentos and Coke.


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## 3stacks

Don't even have one


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## JerryAndSports

It took me a while to get over her but it is what it is. Life moves on I already got anxiety to worry about don’t need to worry about a girl as well lol.


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## unemployment simulator

it was a very long time ago now but I remember the process as if it were yesterday. we mutually agreed to break apart but the following years after and trying to remain just friends I found incredibly difficult, I couldn't really separate from her until I literally stopped hanging out with her. and then I began to miss her loads, I knew it wasn't working or would never work yet I kept thinking ,"maybe?"... all the time. I think that's my problem,not only that I become so emotionally commited but i'm willing to keep trying in situations which will never work out perhaps because I know nothing better will come along for me. I think I said that to her and she didn't believe me and here I am 15? years later and still nothing... I really just don't think it's possible for me to find a relationship for me that actually works. I think i'm just one of those people who lack relationship skills or ability.


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## Eleonora91

HELL NO that prick haunts me in my sleep.
Hope he rots in hell.




edit: on a more serious note he scarred me for life in ways that me & my psychiatrist still don't fully comprehend. I will never forget how fearful and heartbroken he's made me feel.


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## andy1984

I've been kind of missing all of them lately. I guess I miss having someone but also I don't have the energy for it. easier to be alone.


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## RyanIsNerdy

Ekardy said:


> I'm friends with most of my ex's. We broke up amicably for the most part, realized we enjoy the friendship aspect but I don't miss any of them THAT way.


I always tried staying friends after, but it never worked. At best: estrangement; a fadeout, I guess.



exceptionalfool said:


> Every time I see this thread pop up under recent discussions I have to think about and I really don't to because it just makes me angry the way she treated me when she ended things. It wasn't right. Do you hear me??? It wasn't right to do that to someone who really cared about you.


I hear yuh. I'm sorry you dealt with that. What is it with girls telling you they've slept around afterwards. One even blurted explicit details. I can think of 3 doing that, even if only referentially stating "(so many) others." It's pretty cold and petty.

The first was the blurter, so possibly just dumb? But the other two I actually laughed at the childishness of it. I mean, it's likely they're exaggerating to throw hurt at me, but it just makes you sound/look bad. Not prudishness on my part, it's not even that, just that someone would use relations from others they've been with to harm someone they were previously in a relationship with. It's gross. Especially non-relationships. Who weaponizes that they were a "booty call"? It's hilarious and cringy. You. Look. So. Bad.

You know that word "unbecoming"? I always thought that was a lame, borderline non-insult. Thinking about it: it really can be heavy. Seeing someone wreck themselves to try and be awful towards others, giving up their character and shedding dignity...all to be petty. Though maybe unbecoming isn't the case for some. Maybe it's just them revealing who they really are. :/

"Nice Girl" Syndrome exists, too, fellas and gals. It just feels...unexpected? Maybe from a sexist conditioning? "Girls are soft and nice. Derp! " But no... Not all. That immature mentality is still there in some ways for me, I guess.



Zatch said:


> Not really, but I hope they're doing well, if not much better. Missing them would be too precarious.


There is an ex I hope is doing really well. But I try to not think about it.



leaf in the wind said:


> I miss him, but not the relationship. It was the worst and most toxic relationship for both of us.
> 
> What first drew us together were our similarities... but when in an intimate relationship, you need more compatibility than you do similarities. Two headstrong people are going to clash, and someone in the relationship is going to need to back down. Two people with the same character weaknesses will not complement each other, and those weaknesses are just amplified.
> 
> We thought we were peas in a pod... and ended up not even being oil and water, but Mentos and Coke.


I definitely had a toxic one. Not the blurter, but actually another. Manipulative person. Reaching an ultimatum to "not talk to other women." That was...4 months? It was reeeeally good for 2 months. We had so, so much in common. Like, uncannily. Not just entertainment interests, but cosmology, secularism, (social) politics... Heavier things that can be hard to discuss with others. Not just out of the mindfield of talking politics, religion, world events, but there are many that don't have the interest to have an opinion. (Oof, careful, Ryan... Backing out. Almost smiled.)

Anyways... I'd like to say I didn't suffer that for long, but I honestly tried to appease that unreasonableness for about 2-ish months. Meeked up, started giving away my self-respect. "Relationships are tough," I thought. "You need to work at it," my willed conviction arouse. "She feels insecure and I need to be better," my empathy harps. "Ow," my dignity said, muffled and unheard.


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## WillYouStopDave

I don't have many of them to miss. Do I miss being with them? That's kind of impossible to answer. I haven't had anyone (significant) since 1994 and I was 21. Before that, I was maybe 15. My first girlfriend, I really cared about. Spent many years regretting not trying to do more to get to know her better in the time we had and not staying in touch with her.

I built an unrealistic (fantasy) idea of her up in my mind and imagined that I meant more to her than I did. And that stayed firmly lodged in there for many years. My mind glossed over any evidence to the contrary. I always thought maybe someday we'd somehow meet again and maybe somehow something miraculous would happen.

Well, the internet happened but the only miracle it performed was simply allowing us to say the goodbye that we never got to before. And I was able to finally put it behind me. But I felt like an idiot for worshiping someone in my mind who never even existed.


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## Wanderlust26

No. Everything was a ****ing mind game with that guy. Even the seemingly sweet, generous things he did were all part of his game with a different motive. He was like a sneaky dominant sadist. I was vulnerable at the time so it was easy for me to fall for his lines and forgive him over and over. I do miss giving and receiving affection but not that alcoholic loser.


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## exceptionalfool

* *












:rofl


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## Yer Blues

Yep.

Probably my only and last relationship. I chose not to remain friends with her as I don't know I could've watched her go off with another guy. I still see her on occasion and boy is it awkward. I hope her and her daughter's find happiness though.


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## Absence of Words

Yes because we love each other, but it just wasn't good for either of us anymore... :crying:


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## leaf in the wind

He suggested we become engaged last week, but I know it's just an attempt to have me stay. Admittedly I had planned to marry and have a family with him in a few years.

I think it helps to know I've fallen in love before, thought I had met my soulmate, and it took only a few years for them to leave my heart completely. I'm not sure I believe in lifelong love anymore - I dream of it though.

For now, temporary periods of passion are the best I can hope for.


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## Welliwonder

A specific ex because it was the only time I felt i cared/got excited/wanted to be engaged in the relationship. Everything after that it’s been a numb, careless ride. 👻


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## rdrr

I do miss her, but the wounds are still fresh. Ive started to deeply process everything from both sides, and unfortunately its took a toll on my physical and mental health. I wish there was a way to clear the air and say my piece but thats impossible, and would just make things worse. 

At times it makes me sick, that bad feeling at the pit of your stomach, numb and heartbroken their actions and words during and after the relationship ended. I need time to forget, however long that takes. I want to just shout out how im feeling. I have to find a way to process these emotions and talk with a therapist or write them down somewhere.


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## JerryAndSports

I miss her but I’m stupid so she’s better without me lmao


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## andy1984

no! I still don't miss them


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## Cool Ice Dude55

I Don't have an ex.


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## LeCoffee

I try to convince myself that I don't miss her but I know that I still do. I think it's because things felt so good when I was with her but then she ended it. Tbh it's not really even her.. she's not even that good of a person. But still I'ts been over a year :/ She hasn't even talked to me since she broke up with me..


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## andy1984

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> I Don't have an ex.


I'll be your ex


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## Cool Ice Dude55

andy1984 said:


> I'll be your ex


wow you know you're undesireable when you've been broken up with before it even started baha! :crying:


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## andy1984

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> wow you know you're undesireable when you've been broken up with before it even started baha! :crying:


:kiss: there there. it's me, it's not you.


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## Jesuszilla

God yes. We were for 4 1/2 years and engaged for 1 1/2 and she left me back in November. Somehow she got engaged 3 months later and I've been having an insanely hard time getting over her.

She is a genuinely incredible person, so is fun, funny, caring, extremely smart and clever. But with me being a depressed mess she just couldn't take it after giving me 4 1/2 years. 

I wish one of us cheated or something extreme, I can get over that. But losing her because of how I am is a huge personal failure.


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## sanpellegrino

No I don't. I sort of came to realisation that they were irritating and had to leave. I was heartbroken a few years back but I've bounced back from it. Haven't dated in a while. Don't really care.. Yano. One thing I miss is having a best friend. Someone I can talk to about anything. But that void can be filled with friendships.


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## SofaKing

Jesuszilla said:


> God yes. We were for 4 1/2 years and engaged for 1 1/2 and she left me back in November. Somehow she got engaged 3 months later and I've been having an insanely hard time getting over her.
> 
> She is a genuinely incredible person, so is fun, funny, caring, extremely smart and clever. But with me being a depressed mess she just couldn't take it after giving me 4 1/2 years.
> 
> I wish one of us cheated or something extreme, I can get over that. But losing her because of how I am is a huge personal failure.


Engaged 3 months after.

I think someone did cheat.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

SofaKing said:


> Engaged *3 months* after.
> 
> I think someone did cheat.


This is most likely correct.


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## smoothlinghs

No, not my ex but my fantasy of him >


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## Psychoelle

Not at all. He was apathetic over the fact that I was going through some of the hardest times in my life!

I moved on and been together with someone much better since.


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## SunshineSam218

No, I don't miss my ex-boyfriend. I'm glad it's over now. He put me through so much.... =\


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## crystalkerosene

nope.


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## Deonidas

Yes I do a lot and her b day is January 28th.


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## Lisy

Yes. He was someone i really loved and admired...


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## Greenmacaron

Nope. They are exes for a reason. I don’t keep in contact with previous partners as I think it’s easier to move on.


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## Kiwifruit

No. He wasn't honest and tended to make decisions for us without consulting me for my feelings. In hindsight, I dodged a bullet having to move to be closer to his family and take on 2 kids.


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## soylatte

They are good memories, but I don't miss them.


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## SplendidBob

Oh yes, very much so .


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## Corina Ioana

Everyday but then I remember what piece of **** he was and I'm good


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## karenw

Greenmacaron said:


> Nope. They are exes for a reason. I don't keep in contact with previous partners as I think it's easier to move on.


 Ditto


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## White Shirt Guy

I miss the affection but not the actual person.


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## sweetluvgurl

I am currently going through stuff where it's almost rekindling with an ex, but I don't know. I do miss him, but just not sure if I should go there. Plus, I have a close guy friend (we both have feelings for each other), but it's super complicated. I'm not sure..... Relationships are confusing! Lol 😞


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## leaf in the wind

I miss what we once were. I don't miss him necessarily. I like the idea of him. Not him though.

He was better off as a fantasy that I didn't have to realise. Reality is a *****.


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## coldsorehighlighter

I miss a specific ex, not my most recent ex. But not romantically, just miss her friendship, and her top notch sense of humour. I imagine I’ll never hear from her again though.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Part of me misses her presence so much when times were good. Another part of me fantasizes about what could have been if we could have kept communication consistent. And another part feels nothing for our almost-relationship based on the red-flags I saw. 

Sad, really.


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## TopShelfHeart

Not at all.


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## Perkins

Considering how things ended, no. It took awhile for me to pick up the pieces but once I got my first job and started venting I began to heal. I moved on not too long after that and months later I met my boyfriend. 



The only person I ever found myself missing for awhile that things ended badly with was a friend of mine I knew 10 years ago. We met online thanks to a mutual friend as well but it got complicated and just ended badly. What really made me angry was the fact that I missed him despite what he did to me. That alone really made me feel resentful and angry towards him. And to make the wound sting even harder, he left when I needed him most. (My family and I were about to be homeless and I couldn't find work, plus there was a death in the family, so it was tough.) Eventually I stopped missing him after a year but the feelings of resentment and anger never really went away, even after he apologized years later. Eventually I got tired of carrying the anger so we talked once and just got closure. I'm definitely not as angry as then. But I certainly won't forget.


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## Ominous Indeed

Not sure what I should do in this situation. Me and a girl has gotten kind of close. I told myself that I need to get to know her really well before I can actually decide if we are a good fit or not, but recently our conversations has just made me very sad. I am not really over my ex and I am not sure we are the best fit either, and lately it has been hard to flirt with this girl because of that. Now it feels like I have taken it too far as we have already had sex, and she sometimes says things such as "I have never wanted anyone as much as you". It might just be "flirting", and she might not think too much about it, but it still makes me very sad. I have also said that I don't want a relationship. I said that early on, and she agreed to it, though as more time passes it feels like it is more expected of us to get into one. I can't get over my ex even though inside I know she needs several years to "grow up" and learn what it is to become an adult. In my head I just really wanted it to, and still want it to work so badly. I haven't really tried much to get over her, but I realize that I might soon need to. Sometimes I can flirt with this girl just fine, but some of the situations are too comparable to my ex and I become a mute, like how she currently looks for a job and she says that she needs to get one because then she can stay with me. I know that really isn't the reason she looks for a job, but why couldn't my ex just get one? Why couldn't my ex look for a job months in advance like this girl is doing so that we could actually stay together .. Why. 

I don't know what to do..


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## Ampata

nope. not one bit:grin2:


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## EmotionlessThug

That never happened to my existence before. Ex wasn't in my time and events.


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## MCHB

Do I miss my exes as a friend? Heck yes!


Do I miss them as an ex? Heck no! There's a reason an ex is an axe....


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## 8888

No, she was a bad listener. I still talk to her occasionally though.


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## MCHB

Weighted question but yes.


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## blue2

I miss this game, I was doing this when I should have been creating exes.... teacher, mother, (secret lover) :cry


----------



## HandPotato

Don't miss the ex, but do miss the white whale. Still talk to her from time to time, which probably isn't good at all.


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

I don't miss her as a girlfriend but only as a friend.


Well, I wasn't sexually attractred to her, when we made love the first time I realized she had the body type of Gollum, no breasts at all and so on. But we got along toghether just fine in conversations, that I can say.

You ask now why keep her as a girfriend after realizing ? Well, because I dont have many friends and I valued her friendship as one of the few I've had. I could say I kinda have no choice if I wanted to have friends. And to keep her close I had to make the compromise of making love with her cause she was interested romantically in me.


----------



## FrankieLone

StickyBunBuns said:


> Very much so, but more because we had a friendship before we started dating. It wasn't perfect, but we had an instant, incredibly deep connection. Which, of course, was lost when we broke up, more on my end than his. He wants to stay friends while I am just not sure how healthy that will end up being. I think he just wants someone around, but not to where he has to put in any actual thought or feeling into it. However, I also don't miss him because the main reason the relationship/friendship failed was because he just didn't want to put the work and effort required into it. And he knew that, but dragged me into it, anyway. Unfortunately, his past made it difficult for him to get past how he'd been hurt in relationships and with friends and it closed him off in a lot of ways that aren't healthy for a relationship... or even a friendship, really.


How was he hurt? Where you from?


----------



## andy1984

I miss my next one lol


----------



## mezzoforte

No, we're friends still. He's great. 



RenegadeReloaded said:


> I don't miss her as a girlfriend but only as a friend.
> 
> Well, I wasn't sexually attractred to her, when we made love the first time I realized she had the body type of Gollum, no breasts at all and so on. But we got along toghether just fine in conversations, that I can say.
> 
> You ask now why keep her as a girfriend after realizing ? Well, because I dont have many friends and I valued her friendship as one of the few I've had. I could say I kinda have no choice if I wanted to have friends. And to keep her close I had to make the compromise of making love with her cause she was interested romantically in me.


Wow.


----------



## Sekiro

mezzoforte said:


> No, we're friends still. He's great.


It's rare to see a happy ending. I'm glad your happy.


----------



## mezzoforte

Sekiro said:


> It's rare to see a happy ending. I'm glad your happy.


 You're kind.


----------



## XebelRebel

It feels like my "ex-girlfriend" is the psychologist who I talked to for years about my actual ex-girlfriend. I miss the psychologist.

I had a very weird relationship with the psychologist. The sessions had been conducted over Skype, rather than "in person" -- often twice a week -- for several years. To begin with, the sessions consisted of me crying over the ex-girlfriend. After a while the conversations drifted away from the ex-girlfriend, and the sessions somehow turned into friendly chats about shared interests: politics, books, movies, and TV shows.

I started to open the sessions by asking her about herself. She is not only a psychologist; she is also a somewhat renowned academic and scientist, who dabbles in several fields of research. If I am honest, she is quite narcissistic: frequently name-dropping people whom she has been slightly acquainted with. She also seems obsessed with getting her name associated with lots and lots of publications "in the world of academia" (which she pronounces "aca-dame-ia"), even if doing so requires her to write a bizarre amount of book chapters for works by more than one author.

But as I was saying: I started to ask her about her career, at the beginning of the sessions -- then she went on and on about herself, for the entirety of several sessions. But I was OK with her talking about her job (instead of doing her job), since I was in love with her. I wanted her to be my girlfriend, so I was actively pursuing a friendship with her.

I guessed that she liked me a lot, as when I sent her emails in the middle of the night, she replied to them almost instantly. Eventually she said that it wasn't necessary for me to pay her for the sessions anymore. She started phoning me -- presumably when her husband was away from their house -- even though that meant she was paying for the long-distance calls. We also talked some evenings, and at weekends.

Earlier in the relationship, I think she wanted to meet me for sex. She said that she was a licensed sex therapist, or something like that -- showing me various books which she had contributed chapters to -- and she brought up the concept of sex surrogacy. It seemed as if she was not-so-subtly asking if I was up for her playing the role of a "sex surrogate" for me (for example: she made it very clear that she was not offering a romantic relationship). I wanted romance though; not a "hook-up" disguised as a treatment for anxiety regarding sexual intimacy. There was an awkward silence, and the topic was not discussed again.

I sent her nudes though. :stu I asked her if it was OK to send the pictures before I sent them, and she said that it was OK. I also sent her a picture of me in a tiny leopard print dress; she said that I was displaying "lordosis posture", and she talked about that specifically in the context of female laboratory animals which are showing their readiness to receive a sexual partner. Maybe this is weird, but I feel that what she said is very romantic: I treasure the memory of her saying that.

She described herself as being "on the autistic spectrum". Moreover, she is quite an important figure in the field of autism research -- as she has authored various academic papers about autism. She even sent me a copy of one of her studies, prior to publication, with a request for me to read through the paper and give feedback.

I suppose that it is quite funny for a solipsist to label a former love interest as "narcissistic".

I enjoyed listening to her talking about simple things, such as her interest in gardening -- although I wanted more from the relationship. I had confessed my love for her, but the weird friendship carried on regardless.

My obsession with this person has put her into so many movies and TV shows, represented by such characters as Dr Nowitzki (from The Big Bang Theory), Dr Jurati (from Star Trek: Picard), and Dr Holloway (from Gypsy). The names and personalities of those aforementioned TV characters are not especially flattering to my psychologist friend, as Athena is not her biggest fan.

I miss my friend, though. I miss the friendship. Chasing a married woman like that was silly.


----------



## Umpalumpa

8888 said:


> No, she was a bad listener. I still talk to her occasionally though.


Love this answer


----------



## 8888

Rakawakafo said:


> Love this answer


----------



## FloridaGuy48

I miss the sex!


----------



## D'avjo

a bit yeah, **** knows why


----------



## XebelRebel

I met my actual ex-girlfriend on a social networking website, although from the beginning of that relationship I suspected that she was also a member of SAS -- or at the very least a lurker, here. So the first movie I viewed with her on TV is about a guy who pretends to share all the same interests as a prospective lover: making use of information from her online profile like a non-threatening stalker.

(The movie is _A Case of You_, starring Justin Long and Evan Rachel Wood.)

It was a long-distance relationship, as she lived in another country, but she travelled to stay with me for a week on two occasions (i.e. she stayed with me for two weeks in total). I also visited her, at her home, for one week. The relationship went on for almost a year, which involved daily phone or video chats for at least an hour, generally speaking. The relationship felt like a wonderful but terrifying whirlwind had entered the scene, trashed everything in its path, then -- dissatisfied with the way the landscape was now behaving after it (the whirlwind) had previously admired it (the landscape) from afar -- promptly f***** off and left.

One of the things that my ex-girlfriend had done was to mention an incident wherein a male friend of hers had fondled her in a tent, on a camping trip (during a period in which a different male friend had gone out of the tent and was yet to return). She described what the fondler had done as being both unsolicited and unwanted -- and she even said that she preferred to avoid being alone with him again. But she informed me -- over the telephone -- that she had chosen to arrange a short holiday with the fondler, at his house in the countryside where he lived alone! And lots of things like that happened: seemingly designed to provoke anxiety. It was like being psychologically tortured.

I wanted my ex-girlfriend to have friends. I was doing my best to cultivate the sort of romance which I wanted to experience. I wanted to respect the idea of her personal autonomy even though everything is me -- so I overcompensated for my so-called attachment issues by not reacting jealously to her obvious efforts to arouse jealousy. I simply wanted her to be happy. 

She seemed depressed and isolated, so I fought hard on a daily basis to convince her of the value in sticking with her educational program (instead of dropping out of the vocational learning course which she had enrolled with -- as she frequently talked of doing). I even pushed her to make regular visits to a drop-in centre, although I was not actively mind-controlling her to do that.

I feared abandonment. I feared her going to the drop-in centre, as I expected her to meet someone "closer to home" and then break off the relationship; I considered my fear to be all the more reason for me to act as her moral support, while she was attempting to re-enter society. I was fighting and giving for the me I know I am.

I still love her, in a way. I want her to be OK. I hate the idea of her believing that I don't like her anymore. I do like her. I wanted to email her, or phone her, for so many days and nights -- but it seemed that nothing good might come of speaking with her again.

I suspected she was a spy. She actually said "I'm a spy", when questioned regarding how she seemed to know a very specific piece of personal information (which was like an in-joke between me and myself: something that had not been shared with any internet-connected devices). I "freaked out" over what she said, then she appeared to panic about me taking what she had said seriously -- with her bizarrely insisting that the evidence of her saying that thing was censored. It is easy for me to be somewhat paranoid, though, since people reflect my thoughts and feelings in the things they say and do.

I also suspected my psychologist friend of being a spy -- as she visited my ex-girlfriend's city very soon after I had mentioned its importance in the world of one of her professions. When I talked of that place to the psychologist, she reacted as if she knew nothing about it; then suddenly she was going there for a professional conference, like it was a routine event for her. My approach to that sort of paranoia is to treat anyone who I suspect of being a spy as if they are not a spy. Even so, the conference trip is allegorically depicted by an episode of the TV show, _Gypsy_. Hah!


----------



## coeur_brise

Miss is kind of an understatement if we're talking about a certain ex. He's alive but uh, I miss as him as if he was not of this world anymore. Grief. Yea, that's definitely there.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I don't miss any of my exes at all. But there is one where I often think back to the nice memories and the places we went, the conversations we had and the things we did. But I don't long to be back in that place again. Perhaps for my physical health and vitality and maybe that's it, just another chance to really get that stuff right then I probably would want to go back and re-do some things.

It's strange though, I often wondered how my life would be different if that pregnancy test came out positive. Fate is inexorable.


----------



## XebelRebel

I had hoped that eventually it might not be a problem for me to talk with my psychologist friend about who, and what, I am. I was giving her hints with the movie suggestions that I was sending via email -- such as the remake of _Overboard_, starring Anna Faris (who looks sort of like her).

Haha. I have just read that Chris Pratt (who plays the child of Ego, the Living Planet -- and who previously had a relationship with Anna Faris), is now married to Katherine Schwarzenegger. And some mysterious friend of the happy couple is dissing Anna Faris through the media! See! It's like I said before: I have My Super Girlfriend issues! 

*sigh*

I miss her so much. I feel that I ought to apologise to the people who love me for caring so much about her. I honestly don't care if she's a spy; I simply want to see her face again, as her smile never failed to brighten up my day.

At least I've stopped crying, now.


----------



## VIncymon

My ex (if you could call it that...more like a one sided crush)...is my one weakness. I try my best to not find myself in closed quarters with her....she can be very manipulative... and has almost succeeded in making me cheat before.

When I dont see her Im fine. I can resist most other women. Be she. Not so much.


----------



## Elle Knight

You mean my future ex? Yes. Cause damn he is taking forever to find me ugh! Hope I find him before Coronavirus does.


----------



## Serbianw0lf

No i hate her, she dumped me for a hot guy from Malmo.


----------



## Elle Knight

Serbianw0lf said:


> No i hate her, she dumped me for a hot guy from Malmo.


She never loved you, mate.


----------



## The Linux Guy

I don't exactly have an ex. But I have bad memories of Women who turned me on and then either disappeared or mistreated me.


----------



## XebelRebel

Amber Heard, who plays Mera of Xebel, is another actress who looks sort of like my ex-girlfriend. (I had mentioned Odette Annable and Aubrey Plaza in a previous SAS post.)

Super awkward! :um


----------



## Suchness

XebelRebel said:


> Amber Heard, who plays Mera of Xebel, is another actress who looks sort of like my ex-girlfriend. (I had mentioned Odette Annable and Aubrey Plaza in a previous SAS post.)
> 
> Super awkward! :um


I had a crush on Amber Heard until my "friend" quickly and ruthlessly crushed my dreams by telling me how she was a ***** to Johnny Depp.


----------



## cafune

miss in what way? my previous partner and i tried to remain friends but i don't know that it was ever functional. i try not to think about it.


----------



## J Black

I only have one ex I miss. My first ex. I still love her after all these years and by now we've been apart longer than we dated. I messaged her recently to make sure she's being safe throughout this pandemic, but the conversation was short and cold. Im not even an afterthought anymore.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


----------



## Krum

I kinda miss them. I think what I miss more is the sense of familiarity and routine from living together. After so many years together, I hate the idea of starting over.


----------



## Fixxer

Maybe the fact that we got along good before the relationship and now we are "strangers", but it wasn't going to work out anyway, long term.


----------



## XebelRebel

Suchness said:


> I had a crush on Amber Heard until my "friend" quickly and ruthlessly crushed my dreams by telling me how she was a ***** to Johnny Depp.


Why have you written the word "friend" with speech marks?

Amusingly, I have also written the word "friend" with speech marks -- but I like to use speech marks for emphasis in various situations. It was not even my intent to directly quote that single word from your post; I used the speech marks for a different reason, and it was not to denote sarcasm or irony. LOL!

Perhaps what I wrote above is not very funny to many people, but I wrote "LOL!" anyway. Haha! I have used the speech marks again! I am laughing while writing this.


----------



## Suchness

XebelRebel said:


> Why have you written the word "friend" with speech marks?
> 
> Amusingly, I have also written the word "friend" with speech marks -- but I like to use speech marks for emphasis in various situations. It was not even my intent to directly quote that single word from your post; I used the speech marks for a different reason, and it was not to denote sarcasm or irony. LOL!
> 
> Perhaps what I wrote above is not very funny to many people, but I wrote "LOL!" anyway. Haha! I have used the speech marks again! I am laughing while writing this.


Cause no true friend would want to destroy your crush like that. Thing is she has a crush on Johnny Depp and doesn't like Amber Heard so yeah she felt like she had to shut me down.


----------



## Karsten

Suchness said:


> Cause no true friend would want to destroy your crush like that. Thing is she has a crush on Johnny Depp and doesn't like Amber Heard so yeah she felt like she had to shut me down.


She was protecting you. Reality stings, but at least she had the heart to tell you.

Unless you want Amber to hit you. Then, by all means, enjoy


----------



## Suchness

Karsten said:


> She was protecting you. Reality stings, but at least she had the heart to tell you.
> 
> Unless you want Amber to hit you. Then, by all means, enjoy


Yeah she can hit me, it'll just give me an excuse to get closer to her.


----------



## aqwsderf

Suchness said:


> Yeah she can hit me, it'll just give me an excuse to get closer to her.


----------



## Ominous Indeed

Suchness said:


> Cause no true friend would want to destroy your crush like that. Thing is she has a crush on Johnny Depp and doesn't like Amber Heard so yeah she felt like she had to shut me down.


Really?

You are over 30 and you fantasize about random celebrity strangers you will never meet? And you also get angry about it?


----------



## Lohikaarme

Suchness said:


> Yeah she can hit me, it'll just give me an excuse to get closer to her.


Please try to look beyond outward appearances. Ted Bundy was very attractive and seemingly charming but murdered over 30 people.


----------



## Suchness

Ominous Indeed said:


> Really?
> 
> You are over 30 and you fantasize about random celebrity strangers you will never meet? And you also get angry about it?





Lohikaarme said:


> Please try to look beyond outward appearances. Ted Bundy was very attractive and seemingly charming but murdered over 30 people.


I'm still mad at my friend for that, some people just don't want to see you happy. I love Amber Heard and I know she would love me too if she got to know me, I just need to find a way to get close to her, let her hit me a couple of times so I can wrestle her to the ground and conquer her like Johnny Depp couldn't.


----------



## Fun Spirit

Ominous Indeed said:


> Really?
> 
> You are over 30 and you fantasize about random celebrity strangers you will never meet? And you also get angry about it?


Really?

Let people crush on whoever celebrity they want.

Also: Shoot I love my Ricky Martin and I'm 27. Don't let me talk about my Sesshouma-BOO who is fictional from the anime Inuyasha. I get a little mad if someone says other than. Leave people alone to dream, admire and love their crush.


----------



## cafune

Lohikaarme said:


> Please try to look beyond outward appearances. Ted Bundy was *very attractive and seemingly charming* but murdered over 30 people.


this inspires a special kind of terror O_Q

suggested video: 'Stop stalking your ex' 
...

i'm sorry yt are you tryna tell me something.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

WRT Ted Bundy being attractive and charming, I never really saw it. I watched an interview where he came off as Norman Bates. Not unattractive but just maybe barely above average looking and definitely not confident or charming. Manipulative? Yes. Nervous, twitchy, shady? Yes. Very much. Basically, if someone interviewed Norman Bates (the Anthony Perkins version) that's exactly how he came off. 

Maybe he wasn't like that before he got caught and put on TV but I can't see that guy talking to women and not creeping them out.

EDIT - Not that everyone who comes off that way is Ted Bundy but most guys who come off that way are not successful ladies men. That's for sure.


----------



## wmu'14

In today's society Ted Bundy wouldn't be considered physically attractive, just an average Joe in looks, but maybe back then his type of look was? Society's standards change.

I think he was very confident & outgoing & that made him such a successful killer. 

I also have a theory that it's the publicity of cases like his who made people more cautious now then they might've been back then in Bundy's day. For example, it's his case that contributed to the decline in hitch-hiking. So even if they didn't think he wasn't charming, an ulterior motive didn't cross his victims mind. 

Anyways, to answer the OP question, I've never had an ex unfortunately.


----------



## aqwsderf

I always thought it was weird how much emphasis was put on the word "charming" when describing Ted Bundy.


----------



## blue2

aqwsderf said:


> I always thought it was weird how much emphasis was put on the word "charming" when describing Ted Bundy.


Maybe people had to experience it first hand to get the full effect.


----------



## andy1984

i see this thread is about Ted Bundy now. idk anything about him. its funny how you all dated the same man :haha

i don't usually think about them unless masturbating lol. sorry ex's. thanks for the happy memories. i thought i could make myself miss them by thinking about them now, but no. the memories are too far gone. those people don't even exist anymore, not as they were. for everything good, there is the bad. most relationships... by the time its all over you've seen both sides. and i'm exceptionally good at cutting the connection off between myself and anyone.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Yeah I don't get it Ted Bundy looks like an average guy (aside from the crazy eyes,) there's another one who looked kind of like a model with high cheekbones that someone once posted in the cute guy thread here (yeah lmfao..) I forgot his name but that probably made more sense.

I've never really looked into Ted Bundy much because he wasn't sufficiently weird (schizotypal, a female serial killer,) from the small amount I'm aware of, but maybe his victims were also not normal and that's why they didn't clock his crazy eyes etc? More likely he was just good at acting though.


----------



## Lohikaarme

It might sound a bit absurd to some but I think there tends to be an underestimation of how psychologically manipulative psychopaths can be. They don't think like the average person so they have the ability to say anything you want to hear in order to get what they want from you. You get pulled in by their sweet words without even realizing it (especially the more emotionally vulnerable you are). A lot of times it's not even fully about how someone looks but how they make you feel that draws you to them.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

@Lohikaarme yeah I know it's amazing what they can accomplish even while not being physically attractive. A while ago I was reading about this female serial killer in the UK:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peterborough_ditch_murders

I'm not sure I'd always call it manipulation though because I'm not sure how often it really works on a deep level often they use threats of violence etc and make people go against their initial instincts or they set up situations where people are too scared to leave all kinds of things. People who aren't their victims might fall for it, but their primary victims know. I grew up with one but tbf she was probably kind of a ****ty one many people clocked what she was doing it's just the school didn't really do anything.

Her partner who she killed later compared her to Uma Thurman though she doesn't look anywhere near that good, I think maybe he was a masochist and that got him killed really it seemed like he was drawn to dangerous women. Some of the other accounts involving her were interesting too like some guy who barely knew her saying he would have put his head through a windshield if she told him too or something like that (won't be able to find that quote now I don't think.) Again she was not attractive. Actually I found it pretty easily so link:

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/feb/12/joanna-dennehy-murder-spree-jacobean-tragedy



> Lloyd said she ran her hand down his neck. "It was like being touched by a rattlesnake," he said. But like Stretch, Lee and Slaboszewski, he was enthralled by Dennehy. "If she had told me to put my head through the windscreen I would have done," he said.


Also might be a better warning than Ted Bundy.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I guess what I'm sceptical of is this idea that deep down they really felt safe with him or liked him romantically. Also I just found this:

https://theoutline.com/post/7043/ted-bundy-netflix-efron-handsome?zd=1&zi=phjfrw4r



> "Take care of yourself, young man," says the judge at Bundy's 1979 murder trial, just after sentencing him to death for the killing of Lisa Levy and Margaret Bowman. "It's a tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity," he adds - referring not to the two women, but to Bundy. "You're a bright young man. You'd have made a good lawyer. I would've loved to have you practice in front of me. But you went another way, partner."
> 
> "He seemed like 'one of us,' if you will," says the lawyer Bundy hired in Utah for his 1976 trial, at which he stood accused of the kidnapping and assault of Carol DeRonch. "He was very nice, his clothes were pressed," notes the psychiatrist who assessed him before it.
> 
> This is the real fascination of Bundy: what lurks behind his mysterious "handsomeness." To these successful, professional men he didn't seem like a killer, because he seemed somehow like them. Despite the fact these people now know - and in some cases always knew, the whole time they knew him - what Bundy did, there seemed like there was something about him, his affect, his way of carrying himself, that they recognized as kindred.





> When Bundy was growing up, according to a classmate interviewed for the documentary, there seemed to be something almost indefinably "off" about him, which made it impossible for him to fit in. "He just didn't seem to be all there, all present in some way. There was just a gap in him," the classmate says. But when he started to participate in Republican party politics, Bundy found "his people." He got invited to dinners, drinks. He claims he got laid for the first time while on the campaign trial. "There was a life there," he says in the documentary, "a life that had been missing for me." He continues: "I've always been anti-union, anti-boycott. I just wasn't too fond of criminal conduct, and using anti-war movements as a haven for delinquents who liked to feel that they were immune from the law."
> 
> This all seems a bit ironic, considering what Bundy did. But on another level, it is apparent what he means - he is referring to the law not as a system of justice, but a violent force that keeps people in their place, keeps marginalized people down. In this sense, Bundy was a perfectly law-abiding citizen: the serial murderer of women as an agent of the patriarchy, directly asserting the violence which any conservative would have felt was being opened up by the newly permissive post-sexual revolution society.
> 
> For all the platitudinous talk of evil they tend to generate, serial killers are social phenomena; Bundy was part of an identifiable 1970s and '80s "serial killer boom." The causes of that boom are disputed, but the point is clear: killers are not only produced but also enabled by the society in which they exist. With Bundy in particular, that latter point is starkly true. And this is the secret behind his tendency to get "romanticized" - his hidden complicity with the forces of power. There's a dark joke to be made here about the horrors Bundy could have been responsible for if only he'd chosen a different path.


I actually think Jessica Jones is pretty relatable though. I mean it's going to vary a lot but still. Even if you're not in a romantic/sexual relationship with the psychopath in question. My earliest memories at school are of that psychopath being rejected by everyone and trying to force me to play with her and it's very hard when teachers and others aren't protecting you and you have severe social anxiety to get away from someone like that at such a young age. And you know I have no idea why everyone rejected her at such a young age she was more unpopular than me the weirdo with selective mutism, but people clearly knew.

In highschool in my brother's class there was a guy that was infamous again people knew later he went to prison for shooting someone dead in a drug crime incident. I don't know I grew up in a ****hole working class kind of town so I was considered posh by the standards of this place and lower middle class lol. Charm probably isn't known among less successful psychopaths.


----------



## leaf in the wind

Missing the fantasy right now. I miss the guys I casually or briefly dated rather than the boyfriends. People are so dreadful once you get to know them.

I only had like 5 dates with this Russian dude but I still think about him years later.


----------



## KILOBRAVO

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah I don't get it Ted Bundy looks like an average guy (aside from the crazy eyes,) there's another one who looked kind of like a model with high cheekbones that someone once posted in the cute guy thread here (yeah lmfao..) I forgot his name but that probably made more sense.
> 
> I've never really looked into Ted Bundy much because he wasn't sufficiently weird (schizotypal, a female serial killer,) from the small amount I'm aware of, but maybe his victims were also not normal and that's why they didn't clock his crazy eyes etc?
> 
> 
> 
> Persephone The Dread said:
> 
> 
> 
> @Lohikaarme yeah I know it's amazing what they can accomplish even while not being physically attractive. A while ago I was reading about this female serial killer in the UK:
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peterborough_ditch_murders
> 
> Ie
> 
> 
> 
> Bundy had never really interested me either. Im aware of him, but I'm not all that interested. I should still read into it, tho.
> 
> So far Jeff Dahmer is deffo my favourite. I've found him and most think about him is interesting. I still feel really sorry for him. Need to research Dennis Nilson next. Still haven't.
> 
> Wow. Peterborough ditch woman? I've not heard of that. I think serial killer has to be at LEAST three. Any less and they don't qualify. Very very rare to have female ones. And you didn't tag me, Percy. Lol
> 
> What about Fred and rose west? And hindley and Brady? I think Fred and rose were more interesting than hindley and Brady.
Click to expand...


----------



## Persephone The Dread

@KILOBRAVO

Didn't know you'd want to be mentioned lol, and this is pretty off topic I guess. I don't think she got much attention because it happened recently and people commit mass murders regularly now (though serial killing is a little different,) though moreso in the US, and people usually ignore weird and bad stuff women do anyway. I can't remember how I found out about her, but it was while looking up stuff on wikipedia a while ago. I didn't hear about her in the news even though she committed crimes in 2013. Also although she's classified as a serial killer, she committed the murders in a pretty short window because that's the profile of most killers now they can't drag it on for years because they usually get caught.

Yeah I guess Fred and Rose West seemed a bit weirder overall. Brady and Hindley seemed mostly like sociopaths and psychopaths again (like Ted Bundy.) I think Myra was more of a sociopath because it seems like she was socialised into it:



> Hindley's father had served with the Parachute Regiment and had been stationed in North Africa, Cyprus and Italy during the Second World War.[123] *He had been known in the army as a "hard man" and he expected his daughter to be equally tough; he taught her to fight and insisted that she "stick up for herself". When Hindley was 8, a local boy scratched her cheeks, drawing blood. She burst into tears and ran to her father, who threatened to "leather" her if she did not retaliate;* Hindley found the boy and knocked him down with a series of punches. As she wrote later, "at eight years old I'd scored my first victory".[124] Malcolm MacCulloch, professor of forensic psychiatry at Cardiff University, has written that Hindley's "relationship with her father brutalised her ... She was not only used to violence in the home but rewarded for it outside. When this happens at a young age it can distort a person's reaction to such situations for life."[125]


From what I remember the Peterborough ditch murderer also started dating an older man while a teenager and ran off with him and her parents were unable to stop that, just like Rosemary West. Although in the former case the man wasn't another crazy psychopath just some normal guy who luckily I think ended up with custody of their kids when she ditched them.






I never trust the parents lol when they try and frame it as shocking and everything was normal, they're usually mentally ill as well.. Plus your kid running away is obviously a big deal.


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## KILOBRAVO

Persephone The Dread said:


> y
> 
> Hindley's father had served with the Parachute Regiment and had been stationed in North Africa, Cyprus and Italy during the Second World War.[123] He had been known in the army as a "hard man" and he expected his daughter to be equally tough; he taught her to fight and insisted that she "stick up for herself". When Hindley was 8, a local boy scratched her cheeks, drawing blood. She burst into tears and ran to her father, who threatened to "leather" her if she did not retaliate; Hindley found the boy and knocked him down with a series of punches. As she wrote later, "at eight years old I'd scored my first victory".[124] Malcolm MacCulloch, professor of forensic psychiatry at Cardiff University, has written that Hindley's "relationship with her father brutalised her ... She was not only used to violence in the home but rewarded for it outside. When this happens at a young age it can distort a person's reaction to such situations for life."[125]s.


That's really interesting and matches with what I've been reading in my book about how violence against kids by parents or some.l otyer authority figure causes a path of violence later. This four-step patteren is apparently common to all violent criminals. It's basically learned behaviour.

Firstly, the child gets abused or subjected to violence or conflict in the home or wherever. The child then begins to think that violence is a way to resolve any conflicts or disputes.

Second. What happens now is that the child will begin to use violence as a way of attempting to avoid being subjected to violence in the future.

Third. What happens now is that the child begins to see that by using violence, they earn a kinda respect through fear and this reinforces what's happening above. In their mind, they've succeeded by earning respect through fear.

Fourth. Having had success, The child has "learned" that using violence solves conflicts, protects you from being subjugated to violence, and arns respect through fear, and concludes that violence is the best way of dealing with people.

Dahmers parents had bad rows between them and they used to draw knives at each other even though they didn't stab each other. Not ideal for a young kid to see. That might be enough to have triggered step one in Dahmer. His response to his parents bad arguments was to go to the forest and thrash things with sticks in anger and frustration.


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## Persephone The Dread

KILOBRAVO said:


> That's really interesting and matches with what I've been reading in my book about how violence against kids by parents or some.l otyer authority figure causes a path of violence later. This four-step patteren is apparently common to all violent criminals. It's basically learned behaviour.
> 
> Firstly, the child gets abused or subjected to violence or conflict in the home or wherever. The child then begins to think that violence is a way to resolve any conflicts or disputes.
> 
> Second. What happens now is that the child will begin to use violence as a way of attempting to avoid being subjected to violence in the future.
> 
> *Third. What happens now is that the child begins to see that by using violence, they earn a kinda respect through fear and this reinforces what's happening above. In their mind, they've succeeded by earning respect through fear.*
> 
> Fourth. Having had success, The child has "learned" that using violence solves conflicts, protects you from being subjugated to violence, and arns respect through fear, and concludes that violence is the best way of dealing with people.
> 
> Dahmers parents had bad rows between them and they used to draw knives at each other even though they didn't stab each other. Not ideal for a young kid to see. That might be enough to have triggered step one in Dahmer. His response to his parents bad arguments was to go to the forest and thrash things with sticks in anger and frustration.


Yeah I think so, it's one of many ways to get status (also support, help etc.) Then again these days mass killers are caught pretty quickly and typically go down for life (if they don't kill themselves too,) so it's probably more ethical than eroding society over time by entering the business or legal world. In the article linked before that I found where there were people in court relating to Bundy eg:



> "I say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself. It's a tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity that I've experienced in this courtroom. You're a bright young man. You'd have made a good laywer, and I'd have loved to have you practice in front of me - but you went another way, partner. Take care of yourself. I don't have any animosity to you. I want you to know that."


I find them worse because of their insidious qualities. But I'm a bit of a colourful character who hates most Human psychology so you know.






Morty is a cinnamon roll though stfu Rick.


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## The Linux Guy

I always tell people that I never had a girl friend. I think that is a true statement. However It's more complicated then that. If you counted all the girls I have ever chatted with as a "girl friend" then I had lots and lots. If you count one particular girl that I tried to be friends with and everything went belly up as a "girl friend" even though we never went out on a date. Then could say I've had girl friends. Now for the EX thing. When I think back on these people, I feel pain. Everyone that I ever interacted with had some good things and some bad. The reason why I have no contact with said people is because of the problems that caused things to fall away. The more direct the problem was the more painful the memory. I often find myself asking the question "Why did things go so wrong?" Frankly I have no idea! One person in particular wrote me one last note, asking for forgiveness, and they specifically said, it was all their fault. I'm just using that as an example, to say, I don't think it's ever been my fault. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the means. But I know that I'm NOT doing mean things on purpose anyone.


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## KILOBRAVO

The Linux Guy said:


> I always tell people that I never had a girl friend.


Do you mean as a partner?

How do.they react when you tell them.that? Are they surprised/shocked and/or sympathetic?


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## The Linux Guy

KILOBRAVO said:


> Do you mean as a partner?
> 
> How do.they react when you tell them.that? Are they surprised/shocked and/or sympathetic?


Most of the people I tell are on the Internet. I can't see their face expressions. The people I told in real life, don't seem to care at all.


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