# Running into people you grew up with.



## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

You know its amazing how socially connected everyone is in a small town especially when your hispanic then EVERYONE knows eachother. Im thinking of going to cc for the first time ever at the age of 21 &#55357;&#56866; and it pisses me off to think that i might run into a lot of people i know. The reason being, because they all have me stereotyped as a loser. Running into anyone who you grew up with sucks especially when they start asking you about your life and what you've done with it after they tell you how normal theirs is. I wish i could just tell them i got SA and that its been a ****show ever since but they wouldnt know what SA is and it wouldn't make them see me as less of a loser. So how do you guys and gals cope when having to interact with people you haven't seen in a long time? (Assuming your embarrassed of the way your life turned out)


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

I would hate to run into my childhood friends. I have changed so much and so have they. I used to be more fun and out going, now I'm depressed and boring. They are still fun and out going, also, 6ft+ tall, fit, and handsome (I've checked the Facebook of 4 of my ex-best friends and they all literally looked like that). They probably won't even want to be associated with me anymore.

I bumped into a high school friend about a year ago at the mall and it was so cringy and awkward. I don't want to see anyone from the past ever again.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Would be a no no for me.
Those questions " how's life " or "u still live with your mother" ? etc.
ffs no way...


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

Ugh. I haven't returned to my hometown in years. I avoid it like the plague.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

While I'm not scared, it's not my fave activity. I mean I can make it sound like I've been up to **** (which I kinda have) but idk. I'm getting to that point where I just want to own my anxiety and tell everyone oh yeah been struggling with this forever, doing a lot better now, still a process though. Think I'm gonna try it out. I've always wanted to do advocacy and telling your story is a huge part of that.bit yea, let's just say no reunions anytime soon.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

This is a nightmare scenario, and I doubt I could hide my, uhh, discontent with the situation.

The key to getting away quickly is to not stop doing what you're doing. Keep walking... Keep looking at those apples... Keep reading your book... Keep staring off into space. Say "hi", but don't break stride... one fluid motion. 

Shut that s*** down before it has a chance to start.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

They ask me how I'm doing and I say, "Fine," they ask me what I've been up to and I say, "Nothing much," they lose interest and move on.

I live outside a city of about 5000. Fortunately most of my former classmates (and friends) long ago moved away and were never interested in keeping in touch.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Just Lurking said:


> This is a nightmare scenario, and I doubt I could hide my, uhh, discontent with the situation.
> 
> The key to getting away quickly is to not stop doing what you're doing. Keep walking... Keep looking at those apples... Keep reading your book... Keep staring off into space. Say "hi", but don't break stride... one fluid motion.
> 
> Shut that s*** down before it has a chance to start.


Avoidence. Your right it does work in the short term, but it makes your SA worse in the long term.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

2Milk said:


> I would hate to run into my childhood friends. I have changed so much and so have they. I used to be more fun and out going, now I'm depressed and boring. They are still fun and out going, also, 6ft+ tall, fit, and handsome (I've checked the Facebook of 4 of my ex-best friends and they all literally looked like that). They probably won't even want to be associated with me anymore.
> 
> I bumped into a high school friend about a year ago at the mall and it was so cringy and awkward. I don't want to see anyone from the past ever again.


How tall is your dad?


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

tehuti88 said:


> They ask me how I'm doing and I say, "Fine," they ask me what I've been up to and I say, "Nothing much," they lose interest and move on.
> 
> I live outside a city of about 5000. Fortunately most of my former classmates (and friends) long ago moved away and were never interested in keeping in touch.


It becomes a ****ing mess because if i make any friends they'll probably know someone that I grew up with. I can't escape these people.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

realisticandhopeful said:


> While I'm not scared, it's not my fave activity. I mean I can make it sound like I've been up to **** (which I kinda have) but idk. I'm getting to that point where I just want to own my anxiety and tell everyone oh yeah been struggling with this forever, doing a lot better now, still a process though. Think I'm gonna try it out. I've always wanted to do advocacy and telling your story is a huge part of that.bit yea, let's just say no reunions anytime soon.


Any tips?


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Lohikaarme said:


> Ugh. I haven't returned to my hometown in years. I avoid it like the plague.


Take me with you lol i don't want to see these people again


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

MiserableLife99 said:


> Avoidence. Your right it does work in the short term, but it makes your SA worse in the long term.


A LOT of people have a problem with the scenario you've put out here. You don't need to have a diagnosable mental disorder to be uncomfortable in this, and the desire to avoid here isn't necessarily clinical avoidance.

But, if you're looking for an answer that doesn't involve the 'flight' in 'fight or flight', then maybe you should try what you mentioned in the original post:



MiserableLife99 said:


> I wish i could just tell them i got SA and that its been a ****show ever since


The truth shall set you free 

Picture bumping into someone and having them ask how you've been doing... You tell them the truth, and...

What's the best thing that could happen next?
---> They tell you they also deal with social anxiety, and they invite you to a support group they're in.

What's the worst thing that could happen next?
---> They scoff at you and call you a "_f***ing loser_". (How much does their opinion of you really matter? They don't know you, and this doesn't define you.)

What's most likely to happen next?
---> "_Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon._"


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

My general sa has mostly been gone. But this is one of the very few scenarios that bring my sa back in full force. These are the people that knew me and only knew me when my self esteem was at the lowest and when I am a loser. People that picked on me. I hate it when I don't know whether to greet them or not. I greet them then they will see me as that awkward guy from high school. Or they will not recognize me and I look stupid. Or they wonder why I will greet them when they consider that we don't know each other too well to begin with. When I don't greet them, they see me being rude, or still the socially awkward and low self esteem person I was. I always consider walking around my with shades, hoodie up and a mouth mask when I am out walking around due to this lol. Since I still live in the town I grew up in. Often times I still see familiar faces from school.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Just Lurking said:


> A LOT of people have a problem with the scenario you've put out here. You don't need to have a diagnosable mental disorder to be uncomfortable in this, and the desire to avoid here isn't necessarily clinical avoidance.
> 
> But, if you're looking for an answer that doesn't involve the 'flight' in 'fight or flight', then maybe you should try what you mentioned in the original post:
> 
> ...


Very true. This just comes down to me caring too much about what people think of me. Have people thinking I'm a loser or have them see me as the guy with mental problems lol there's no winning.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Pogowiff said:


> My general sa has mostly been gone. But this is one of the very few scenarios that bring my sa back in full force. These are the people that knew me and only knew me when my self esteem was at the lowest and when I am a loser. People that picked on me. I hate it when I don't know whether to greet them or not. I greet them then they will see me as that awkward guy from high school. Or they will not recognize me and I look stupid. Or they wonder why I will greet them when they consider that we don't know each other too well to begin with. When I don't greet them, they see me being rude, or still the socially awkward and low self esteem person I was. I always consider walking around my with shades, hoodie up and a mouth mask when I am out walking around due to this lol. Since I still live in the town I grew up in. Often times I still see familiar faces from school.


Great point. Its only the people that bullied me or the people that made me feel less then that im scared of although having anyone you grew up with find out how pathetic your life is is almost just as scary.


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

MiserableLife99 said:


> Take me with you lol i don't want to see these people again


Meh, I have very few pleasant memories from that place (mostly from childhood) so I'm not missing out on anything much. I don't think anyone would remember me if I showed up there again anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

MiserableLife99 said:


> How tall is your dad?


I dunno, like 5'8 I think. I wouldn't mind being his height. Plus he has a thicker frame which makes him look manlier.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

This is one benefit to not knowing anyone except family in a hundred mile radius. People can't come up to me, ask to compare achievement points / trophies, and give me that look, like, "Wow, you really don't have any, huh?"

Well, they can, but they're strangers so it's easier to dodge. Either way, just try not to care about what they think.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

MiserableLife99 said:


> Great point. Its only the people that bullied me or the people that made me feel less then that im scared of although having anyone you grew up with find out how pathetic your life is is almost just as scary.


Same here. Mainly with ex-bullies. Ex-friends, I don't mind so much aside from the uncertainty if they remember me or not and I am gambling the risk of awkwardness. Bullies are worse. For a few years, my ex-bully lived 3 houses down from me and he got married to a cute hot girl next door that I had a huge crush with and had a few kids with her. We would see me going in and out always alone. Feel times I said hi to him, he just stared at me like I'm nothing and ignored me. Most times he is with his crew of friends hanging out on the street, so that further adds to the intimidation factor. Glad I've moved out since then.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Pogowiff said:


> Same here. Mainly with ex-bullies. Ex-friends, I don't mind so much aside from the uncertainty if they remember me or not and I am gambling the risk of awkwardness. Bullies are worse. For a few years, my ex-bully lived 3 houses down from me and he got married to a cute hot girl next door that I had a huge crush with and had a few kids with her. We would see me going in and out always alone. Feel times I said hi to him, he just stared at me like I'm nothing and ignored me. Most times he is with his crew of friends hanging out on the street, so that further adds to the intimidation factor. Glad I've moved out since then.


That's gotta hurt, im sorry man. Atleast you don't have to witness that anymore. BTW that's why I don't believe in karma. *******s make it further in life, being a good person is a choice. I guess the only consolation we have is knowing that its not our fault but even that doesn't always make up for having to witness others expirience the things that we wish we could be doing. Reality is a *****.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

2Milk said:


> I dunno, like 5'8 I think. I wouldn't mind being his height. Plus he has a thicker frame which makes him look manlier.


And your 5'4? What?! There's something you're not telling us.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Lohikaarme said:


> Meh, I have very few pleasant memories from that place (mostly from childhood) so I'm not missing out on anything much. I don't think anyone would remember me if I showed up there again anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


How old are you?


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

MiserableLife99 said:


> And your 5'4? What?! There's something you're not telling us.


Mom is 4'10.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

I almost never run into people that I knew from my actual childhood as I moved quite a bit during my childhood but I run into people I knew from high school occasionally as I moved back to the same city I went to high school my first two years. I always pretend I don't know them or like I didn't see them and I think I look different enough now that I can get away with it. None of them have ever approached me even though I guess I'm fb friends with some of them. Either my vibes are effective or I really just look that different. 

My dad still knows my first ever friend from childhood (he's friends with her dad) but I doubt I will ever see her again. Even if I do, her path in life has actually been less socially acceptable/digestible than mine so far (not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as she's happy). She wound up a teen mom and after her bf ran away from the responsibility she had another kid with a guy who did the same thing to her, so she still lives with her dad now. I think she's a manager at mcdonalds. But from what I hear she's fine with that so good, that's really all that matters.


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## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

I still live where i grew up, and so do most people i grew up with. Its a nightmare. I'm anxious af every time i'm out of the house. Thankfully they've all got their own cars and stuff so i assume they just go back and forth between work or whatever. But i dont know where they work and i could run into them at a shop or something. Moving far away is my biggest dream but it is an impossible dream


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## Typhoid Mary (Apr 28, 2017)

MiserableLife99 said:


> So how do you guys and gals cope when having to interact with people you haven't seen in a long time? (Assuming your embarrassed of the way your life turned out)


I don't cope. Every time it's happened, I made a royal *** of myself. I turn into a clumsy, stuttering fool.

A woman I went to high school with works at the local liquor store. The first time I ran into her, she said, "Hi (insert real name here)." I didn't recognise her at all. I just stared at her and was too embarrassed to admit I didn't know her. In the end she realise why I was gawking and told me her name. I still didn't know her. I was badly bullied, so I kept my head down growing up. I hardly recognise anyone I went to school with either by face or name.

Stupid me, whenever I go into the liquor store and she greets me, I STILL don't recognise her. As in I don't recognise her from the LAST time I was in the damn store. What the hell is wrong with me? *lol* Am I face blind?

And the kicker, because she always recognises me and says hello, I'm paranoid she thinks I'm an alcoholic. *rwl* And I'm paranoid she thinks I'm a total gomer (which in all honesty I am), because I stare blankly at her in confusion every single time.

She doesn't greet me anymore. Now get this. I don't know if it's because she realises I'm a lunatic and has given up, or if she simply doesn't work there anymore. There are several women who work at that liquor store, and she could be one of them. I still can't remember her name or face. WTF is wrong with me?

SA is so stupid sometimes I can only shake my head and laugh at myself.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Typhoid Mary said:


> I don't cope. Every time it's happened, I made a royal *** of myself. I turn into a clumsy, stuttering fool.
> 
> A woman I went to high school with works at the local liquor store. The first time I ran into her, she said, "Hi (insert real name here)." I didn't recognise her at all. I just stared at her and was too embarrassed to admit I didn't know her. In the end she realise why I was gawking and told me her name. I still didn't know her. I was badly bullied, so I kept my head down growing up. I hardly recognise anyone I went to school with either by face or name.
> 
> ...


LOL i think you need a check up and less alcohol. That's hilarious.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

roxslide said:


> I almost never run into people that I knew from my actual childhood as I moved quite a bit during my childhood but I run into people I knew from high school occasionally as I moved back to the same city I went to high school my first two years. I always pretend I don't know them or like I didn't see them and I think I look different enough now that I can get away with it. None of them have ever approached me even though I guess I'm fb friends with some of them. Either my vibes are effective or I really just look that different.
> 
> My dad still knows my first ever friend from childhood (he's friends with her dad) but I doubt I will ever see her again. Even if I do, her path in life has actually been less socially acceptable/digestible than mine so far (not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as she's happy). She wound up a teen mom and after her bf ran away from the responsibility she had another kid with a guy who did the same thing to her, so she still lives with her dad now. I think she's a manager at mcdonalds. But from what I hear she's fine with that so good, that's really all that matters.


So she's had a normal life lolz


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Fangirl96 said:


> I still live where i grew up, and so do most people i grew up with. Its a nightmare. I'm anxious af every time i'm out of the house. Thankfully they've all got their own cars and stuff so i assume they just go back and forth between work or whatever. But i dont know where they work and i could run into them at a shop or something. Moving far away is my biggest dream but it is an impossible dream


Sometimes I see these people walking down the street and I feel like I'm back in middle school


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## morelsfp (May 30, 2017)

Honestly, I love running into people I haven't seen since my childhood. I was abused by them so much when I was younger, and now I've blossomed into a dope human. So, running into them fuels me. They kicked me when I was down, but look who's doing better now! Idk I still got a ton of personal internalized issues, but running into childhood acquaintances is something I LOVE.


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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

Weirdly enough, in the decade since I finished school I have barely ever seen anyone who I knew from that time. I mean part of it is I rarely go out to like bars or pubs or whatever, but then I am out and about otherwise at the beach, mall, on public transport and yet I still never see anyone. Maybe that is because people have grown up and I wouldn't recognise them anymore and I live in a big city, but I still find it weird. I kind of dread if I run into someone because I always thought when I finished high school I would improve and become a really great, impressive person who is confident, high-achieving and with lots of friends, a beautiful girlfriend and a busy and active social life. That never happened. As if it would! I got SA! Our whole lives are destined to just be miserable and pointless. Such a fantasy was just that - a fantasy. So I actively avoid going out now to avoid seeing people I know and avoid them realising just how much of a loser I am.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

MiserableLife99;108983818t5 said:


> So she's had a normal life lolz


If having two kids before age 18 is normal then I'm glad I'm a messed up weirdo I guess


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

My family moved so many times and I stopped going to school at age 12, so that will never happen. We moved when I was 5, 7, 9, 12, and 18. Maybe have moved a couple times as a toddler but I don't remember. Always moved in the summertime so it never interrupted the school year.

The moves were this many miles:

age 5= 90 miles south
age 7= 955 miles north
age 9= 1,225 miles south

*Same metropolitan area moves:*
age 12= 28 miles south-east
age 18= 7 miles south


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## MusicDays8 (Apr 25, 2016)

I still live in the town I grew up in and I work as a cashier but I don't really see a lot of people from my past or that I went to school with. That is ok with me because I really didn't many friends in school and I really don't have many friends now. A lot of people made fun of me when I was in school because of how quiet I was and how I didn't really talk to people. I see random people from high school but they just ignore me and I don't bother with them. It is kind of awkward seeing people from high school though. And I see people on Facebook and they seem like they are doing really well and are being social while I am still living at home and I don't have any friends to hang out with or people to talk to.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I avoid them.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

komorikun said:


> My family moved so many times and I stopped going to school at age 12, so that will never happen. We moved when I was 5, 7, 9, 12, and 18. Maybe have moved a couple times as a toddler but I don't remember. Always moved in the summertime so it never interrupted the school year.
> 
> The moves were this many miles:
> 
> ...


 You grew up on the West Coast, right? I would think that even with so many miles the culture wouldn't change that much in California. On the East Coast I know if you move 1,000 miles the culture change is (can be) enormous.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

WillYouStopDave said:


> You grew up on the West Coast, right? I would think that even with so many miles the culture wouldn't change that much in California. On the East Coast I know if you move 1,000 miles the culture change is (can be) enormous.


I mean sort of. San Francisco and LA are kind of similar in some ways. The harshest move was the one at age 9. We moved from Washington state to LA. Huge change. I remember how LA felt so hot. Washington was very, very white and small townish. To go from that to a big city where most people are not white (mainly Mexican). Shock to the system.


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## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

I very rarely run into anyone I knew, and if I happen to see them, they usually don't say anything or seem to notice.


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