# Do you actually want a relationship?



## liktheangel (Oct 23, 2010)

I was just randomly thinking about my current crush. I was thinking if he actually wanted to date me or be my BF would I be willing? Would I actually want to be in a relationship? My first thought was "No!". 

So that's the question or the situation. If you're current crush actually wanted to be in a relationship with you would you actually agree?

The reason I'd say no is because I know that my life is in pieces. I also don't want to depend on someone to rescue me. I think too many people especially my age think "if I get a bf/gf then all of my problems will go away, I'll finally be loved, and or someone's going to save me". 

I have a lot of unresolved problems that have been going on for years and I wouldn't want to bring someone else in my life. I would hate myself for making another person's life miserable because I'm miserable.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Sure I would, because there are different levels of relationships. In fact, when you first start out with someone, it's usually not all that serious anyway. If you don't want it to progress past a certain point, it doesn't have to. Only when you're ready. If you only want to see someone 2 or 3 days a week, that's fine (at first, anyway). I was in my first relationship ever a few months ago, and I actually broke things off because I didn't want to get as serious as she did. Now, it was easier because I wasn't exactly in love with her, but maybe that's why it was the right decision. For you it could be different - just follow your gut. 

You're getting way too ahead of yourself, though. You gotta get the guy first. Also, you are not going to make someone miserable just because you are - it's not like you're getting married. And actually, maybe he will bring out the best in you and you will actually be motivated to fix some of those problem areas in your life.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

Nope. Relationships are way too much work!

I wish I could find a girl who was fine with going out once a week at most. 
We'd go out, have a blast, then I don't see or hear from her until we go out the next week.

When you're in a relationship, they call, they text, they want to come over all the time...
Will you leave me the **** alone! xD

Btw, I know that might sound mean, but I'm just the type of guy who needs a lot of alone time. Unfortunately I've never had a gf who could understand that.


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## dudette (Sep 9, 2011)

rymo said:


> Sure I would, because there are different levels of relationships. In fact, when you first start out with someone, it's usually not all that serious anyway. If you don't want it to progress past a certain point, it doesn't have to. Only when you're ready. If you only want to see someone 2 or 3 days a week, that's fine (at first, anyway). I was in my first relationship ever a few months ago, and I actually broke things off because I didn't want to get as serious as she did. Now, it was easier because I wasn't exactly in love with her, but maybe that's why it was the right decision. For you it could be different - just follow your gut.
> 
> You're getting way too ahead of yourself, though. You gotta get the guy first. Also, you are not going to make someone miserable just because you are - it's not like you're getting married. And actually, maybe he will bring out the best in you and you will actually be motivated to fix some of those problem areas in your life.


What he said.

When I found my boyfriend, I was in pieces. So was he. We started slowly, not so seriously, but we had an understanding. I, like you, didn't like to believe I needed a boyfriend to make my problems disappear, but it seems like that's exactly what happened.

Now the relationship is a bit more serious, but although I did consider not getting involved with someone who was in a way "damaged" like me, I did and it was the best decision I've ever made.

I guess it's different for everyone, but you can't decide things like this ahead of time. If they happen, they happen.

Hope I explained myself well.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

I do, it's about time. I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of being alone. I don't want to have a mind set that a relationship is the only good thing in my life, but it would be so nice to have someone to come back home to at the end of the day. Some people think it's boring and routinely to live like that and want a new partner every week and I'd kill to have what they have.


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

Selfishly, the idea of one will sometimes burrow itself into this nook in my brain where reason can't quite reach to dislodge it - this little nagging itch is all it is though, and I only feel it when I'm especially lonely. Realistically, I'm not capable of handling any sort of relationship with another person - SA or not - so, thinking clearly, I know I don't want one.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I do want a relationship, not so I can be rescued, but purely because I want the connection with another person. I'm sure the difficulties of interacting and all that will give me a lot of problems at first, but you learn by doing. The potential of a satisfying relationship is too appealing for me to run away because of the difficulty of socializing.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Not really.


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

I'm unlikely to see my current crush ever again so will never have to cross that bridge. My gut instinct would be that I actually wouldn't want to be in a relationship because new things scare me and that would be completely new. And the idea would be so surreal. And from what I think I heard him say in passing, he isn't really relationship material anyway. All I know is I want him to continue to be in my life, but alas, life doesn't always give us what we want!

However, I crushed on my previous crush for a long time and did want to be in a relationship with him but he was/is in a different league to me and I didn't really exist to him.

I tried online dating, and if I had made more effort I could possibly have gotten in a relationship, but I seem to only like guys I can't have, so deep down I must not want a relationship, yet sometimes I really want one. I suppose the fear overrides the desire. I don't think I'm too broken, but I know I could be quite bad to be in a relationship with; moody and manipulative and I wouldn't want to put someone I love through that.


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## Tommy5000 (Jun 18, 2011)

Some days, yes, BADLY, other days...HELL NO!!


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

It doesn't matter whether I would want a conventional dating/boyfriend-girlfriend relationship (and I don't know whether I do want it, although I know for sure I will never marry). At the moment, I just can't do it. I probably will never be able to do it, so the question of "want" is irrelevant. What might be do-able if I put some effort into it, and which I very, very much want, is just a short fling and some sex to get this monkey off my back.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

dudette said:


> What he said.
> 
> When I found my boyfriend, I was in pieces. So was he. We started slowly, not so seriously, but we had an understanding. I, like you, didn't like to believe I needed a boyfriend to make my problems disappear, but it seems like that's exactly what happened.
> 
> ...


How do I find a girl who is in pieces? Or maybe not pieces but with the same amount of problems as me. There probably aren't any at my school


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

Yes, yes and yes.

Ideally, of course, someone I have an emotional connection to and can relate to.

And here's a tip: If they ask you why you've been in so few relationships, don't say "Well I guess my standards were too high. I decided to lower them, and then I found you!"


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## IvyAndRoses (Sep 4, 2011)

Do I want a relationship? No. I don't need anything else to end badly and make me sink into a bad depression. What would I say? Yes. Conflicting. I know that I would say yes and then I'd be waiting for impending doom.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

I kind of see what you mean, but you don't known for sure if you would make someone else life miserable or the opposite... because you feel like your life is miserable (you would feel the opposite if you did not feel miserable... opposites attract though  IMO). as a matter of fact, you could be their perfect better half.

me, personally, i don't want to be in a relationship because i see females as being juckie! and some just gross.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

Without a job, a license or any physical strength, I don't think I'd be ready to provide for a girl and put her safety before my own. And I would never want a girl to meet my parents.

So I don't really want a relationship. But I do crave physical affection.


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## orchidsandviolins (Jul 8, 2011)

liktheangel said:


> have a lot of unresolved problems that have been going on for years and I wouldn't want to bring someone else in my life.


Kinda sums it up.


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

Absolutely. I think this is one thing I would have confidence in. I think I'd be the greatest boyfriend a girl could ever have, but they never bother giving me the chance.


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## Cole87 (Aug 15, 2011)

Yep! I do very much.


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## beagleman (May 27, 2011)

Hello, I am so badly depressed I am not even sure what i want anymore. My triggers for major anxiety, depression seeing other couples, children, wedding rings, most tv adds etc. For a while i tried to avoid looking and feeling but my psychologist said i must look and feel but not dwell on your sadness. Do I want a relationship, I would say badly but now other things make me feel deeply depressed. I guess i would love the company, holding hands, hugging, feeling loved and loving back and having some purpose in life as now I dont have any. my life is very sad but I continue to hope things will improve. Because i am positive, and i know it does not sound like i am i will get a relationship but I am not even sure if this will help my depression because my depression is my thoughts how severely bad I think i am, how empty of a live I have lived, and a life with no purpose or direction.


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

Yes and No.


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## Fantas Eyes (Mar 23, 2011)

I don't know.


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror (Aug 15, 2011)

Yes and willing to give it an effort, but my SA always creates communication and social barriers.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

Sharks only bite when you touch their private parts lol


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Yes I do. Just because its enjoyable.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

i do, and i don't... i do because if i like someone, i like them. i don't because i don't necessarily know _how_ to like them. i do because i need to be able to say i'm twenty with relationship experience. i don't because i don't really _like_ relationship experience. i'm not a touchy person,- for example, i was with this guy i liked at the time on this go cart.. he was driving fast trying to scare me so i'd clutch his arm. he grabbed my arm but at the time i was like, why do i need to grab your arm? the top of this thing is probably more sturdy if we get into a crash.. i do because i feel that if i don't then i'm failing my peers and my art teacher, who said i eventually would, and a bunch from my art class finally did after they graduated. i do cause i need to feel more validated and less childish than i do now. does that make sense?

i generally want a relationship for all the wrong reasons. after i've had two or three in the long run (satisfying my peers) i think i can give it up and be fine with it.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Yes i do, but it is probably not a good idea for everyone involved.

Also, I like to spend a lot of time on my own, I cant suddenly change and be a very social person. It might not always work that way....


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

Yes, with the right person.


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## Tugwahquah (Apr 13, 2011)

Nope, I'm happier without one. 

Love is too complicated.


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

David777 said:


> Nope. Relationships are way too much work!
> 
> I wish I could find a girl who was fine with going out once a week at most.
> We'd go out, have a blast, then I don't see or hear from her until we go out the next week.
> ...


This is the kind of guy I want to be in a relationship with. One I don't have to spend every minute with! lol

I want to be in a relationship but at the same time I worry I'll end up with a guy who is too needy or wants me to be around him all the time. I don't want to be texted or called all the time. I like my alone time a lot.

I guess I want a boyfriend who would be more like a friend, but still committed to only me.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

I always think I do, and then when I am with a cute girl or someone I had always thought about dating it's like I'm scared and don't want one. 

I think part of it is that I feel so screwed up myself, another part being that I still live at home at 25. 

When I broke up with my last couple girlfriends (years ago now) I said I was going to be single for a while. And now that it's been a couple years I just don't even know how to get back out there.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

IcoRules said:


> This is the kind of guy I want to be in a relationship with. One I don't have to spend every minute with! lol
> 
> I want to be in a relationship but at the same time I worry I'll end up with a guy who is too needy or wants me to be around him all the time. I don't want to be texted or called all the time. I like my alone time a lot.
> 
> I guess I want a boyfriend who would be more like a friend, but still committed to only me.


Finally! A woman who will admit that Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

In all my years I never thought I'd see the day.

*watches a pig fly by!*


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## tootooshy (Sep 13, 2011)

David777 said:


> Nope. Relationships are way too much work!
> 
> I wish I could find a girl who was fine with going out once a week at most.
> We'd go out, have a blast, then I don't see or hear from her until we go out the next week.
> ...


You sound just like my ex boyfriend, can you explain this more? Is it because of social anxiety or anything like that?


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

tootooshy said:


> You sound just like my ex boyfriend, can you explain this more? Is it because of social anxiety or anything like that?


You've given me pause to wonder.

Why do I want to be alone all the time?

After all, I am not malevolent. I simply am!

I'll get back to you after collecting my thoughts.


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## tootooshy (Sep 13, 2011)

I appreciate that!​


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## Kiwong (Aug 6, 2010)

Definately not.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

tootooshy said:


> I appreciate that!​


Alright, first off disregarding what particular psychological issues might be involved here, I will now attempt to explain myself. And I also have say that I've never been skilled at expressing myself. Smart as ****, but when it comes to saying what I want to say... yeah, I'm an idiot. heh.

Okay, now then I think the best way to say it is that I need to be in the mood to socialize.
If I am not in the mood to socialize then I really would much rather be left alone, and that goes for phone calls, texts, and emails too. Yes at those times even having to answer an email is a pain.

To better explain I think I should give examples of what I'm like when I am in the mood to socialize and when I'm not:

When I am in a good mood it's like everything inside me is different. My speech is louder, clearer, there is excitement and enthusiasm in it. But not only that, it shows in my actions, and my conversations. I'm enjoying myself when interacting with others, and it shows; there is a lot of positive energy there.

But if I'm not in the mood to socialize then it's like the complete opposite. First off I'm not enjoying myself and it shows in everything; the enthusiasm is not there and it is very apparent! I'm not excited so my conversations a lot more dull. I can't laugh as easily because I'm not having much fun. And even my mind and body movements seem to be slower; I exude negativity.

So when it came to being in a bad mood and spending time with my gf, whom I did love: I couldn't fake wanting to socialize, and I hated trying!

But I have to make it clear and say that when I'm in the mood to want to be alone, I'm not necessarily unhappy.
It's only when I have to interact with people while wanting to be alone that I become unhappy.
Which is why I would prefer people to leave me alone at such times.

And what causes me to want to be alone is too much social interaction.
Which is why at the moment I don't think I can have a traditional girlfriend because often times they want to socialize a lot, but if too much socialization causes me to want to be alone, then, well, you get the picture.

I wasn't able to fully say what I wanted to say, but regardless I hope this helps!

Good luck to you!!!

Fin~


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## Genetic Garbage (May 7, 2011)

I used to but i analysed my situation recently and came to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to handle, keep and maintain a relationship and most certainly never will. People are far better off without me interfering with their lives. So, I don't want it anymore for my and the other's sake.


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## JB92 (Sep 14, 2011)

Yes, I do want to be in a relationship. I've never been in one though. But I'm getting to the point where I'm interested in being in a long term relationship that'll maybe lead to marriage...


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## Matomi (Sep 4, 2011)

I tend to fall for fictional characters, werid i know, so it's not going to happen. I hope that i will meet someone. Someone just for me. So yes, i kinda would. And yes, it's a quote from Chobits, if anyone asks


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Yes.


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## tootooshy (Sep 13, 2011)

David777 said:


> Alright, first off disregarding what particular psychological issues might be involved here, I will now attempt to explain myself. And I also have say that I've never been skilled at expressing myself. Smart as ****, but when it comes to saying what I want to say... yeah, I'm an idiot. heh.
> 
> Okay, now then I think the best way to say it is that I need to be in the mood to socialize.
> If I am not in the mood to socialize then I really would much rather be left alone, and that goes for phone calls, texts, and emails too. Yes at those times even having to answer an email is a pain.
> ...


Thank you, that really helps me more than you know. My ex is a LOT like you a matter of fact. It is nice to know it most likely had NOTHING to do with me at all.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I'm not sure, but I'm tending towards 'no.' I've had short relationships that have ended by my doing for many reasons. I don't like to feel cooped up or obligated to talk to talk to anyone, which is kind of the case in relationships. Sometimes time passes so that I forget what it's like, and then I wish for an SO again, but then I remember what it's really like. I'm such a solitary person, although not enough to avoid posting here, apparently.


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## randomprecision (Aug 19, 2011)

Yes. But I know myself too well to believe that it would ever happen.


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

David777 said:


> Alright, first off disregarding what particular psychological issues might be involved here, I will now attempt to explain myself. And I also have say that I've never been skilled at expressing myself. Smart as ****, but when it comes to saying what I want to say... yeah, I'm an idiot. heh.
> 
> Okay, now then I think the best way to say it is that I need to be in the mood to socialize.
> If I am not in the mood to socialize then I really would much rather be left alone, and that goes for phone calls, texts, and emails too. Yes at those times even having to answer an email is a pain.
> ...


You seem like a classic introvert...sorry if you've already said so. This is me, as well, and no one I've dated has understood this about me. Unfortunately, my need to be alone can be very last minute, so I have a hard time committing to plans.

Anyway, I definitely want a relationship.


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## tootooshy (Sep 13, 2011)

I'm so depressed I couldn't just realize this was how my ex was. Unfortunately I had and still am dealing with some things since I moved to this country. A lot of the guys I met here are liars and had just used me for sex and so right now my self esteem and ability to trust men is really at a low. I think I was too paranoid  I need to start seeing a psychologist again. Or rather psychiatrist since insurance doesn't cover that in this country..


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## Witchcraft (Jan 19, 2010)

Yes, I do want a relationship. But I have this erroneous idea that a relationship would save me, and solve my problems, when in truth it probably would make things worse. I know I should learn how to love myself before I expect someone to start loving me, but I crave connection and intimacy too much to think logically.


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## daesthetics (Sep 14, 2011)

If I could find someone (which most likely won't happen unless they happen to have SA) it would probably motivate me to sort my issues out faster, as I don't want to hinder their lives with my lack of whatever may be. It would be cool if I could meet someone with SA and we could both work on improving together, also having someone to talk to about literally anything would help no doubt.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

melissa75 said:


> You seem like a classic introvert...sorry if you've already said so. This is me, as well, and no one I've dated has understood this about me. Unfortunately, my need to be alone can be very last minute, so I have a hard time committing to plans.
> 
> Anyway, I definitely want a relationship.


If introverted is the worst thing you ever have to say about me, then I think I'm lucky. 

But doesn't ever worry you that you will never get married because you are the way you are?

It worries me. Like I'll wake up one day, be 50 years old and suddenly realized that I have no one...

Anyways, just saying.


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

David777 said:


> Finally! A woman who will admit that Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
> 
> In all my years I never thought I'd see the day.
> 
> *watches a pig fly by!*


Exactly!

I can also relate pretty well to your other post.


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## NobodysPerfect (May 22, 2011)

I want a relationship but the more appropriate question is whether I could actually handle one. I'm frightened of dating again because of that. I don't want to burden someone with my issues or bring them down too.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Nope. Pretty happy with the freedom


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Enjoying being single, but it could be time for a change. My current crush is famous, so that's not likely to happen.


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## 99GAGT3x00 (Sep 20, 2011)

watashi said:


> I do, it's about time. I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of being alone. I don't want to have a mind set that a relationship is the only good thing in my life, but it would be so nice to have someone to come back home to at the end of the day. Some people think it's boring and routinely to live like that and want a new partner every week and I'd kill to have what they have.


pretty much how i feel.

i'd kill to have the ability that some people have to so easily get someone to go on a date or be in a relationship.


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

might be a good experience, but if it ended, i would probably kill myself after.


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## Tugwahquah (Apr 13, 2011)

:yes.. :no .. :yes .. :no .. :yes .. :no.. :yes .. :no = :con


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## CynicalOptimist (Dec 31, 2010)

Yes, I think I actually really would like a relationship. I've wanted one for so long, and I believe I'm ready. Even though I have some things I should work on in advancing myself in life, I know I am a sensible person, and would be fair and loving in a relationship, and make a great partner. A relationship would help give me a boost of confidence and reassurance by allowing me to believe I am understood, accepted and liked the way I am, which would in turn make me slightly more motivated towards life. The problem is nobody seems ready for me. :roll


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

T'would be nice, yes. You listening, Fairy Godmother? :b

I'm just tired of being bored and alone. I'd appreciate a bit of company for once.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yes, but I doubt it will ever happen.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

No, i like being free 
Don't want any friends either but i wouldnt mind one.


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## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

Yes, I would enjoy a relationship. 
If I could just get past the anxiety at the beginning and be more trusting and not push the interested guy away, that is ops


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

i dont want the emotional part just the physical part then the cudling after wards. I can live without the emotional part of a relationship.


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## NeonSloaney (Jun 1, 2011)

It would be a step forward in the right direction. It might be refreshing to be one of those couples that make other loners jealous for once .


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Tugwahquah said:


> :yes.. :no .. :yes .. :no .. :yes .. :no.. :yes .. :no = :con


That's how I feel haha


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## CityLights89 (Dec 10, 2011)

David777 said:


> Nope. Relationships are way too much work!
> 
> I wish I could find a girl who was fine with going out once a week at most.
> We'd go out, have a blast, then I don't see or hear from her until we go out the next week.
> ...


Makes total sense. I feel the same way, like "Damn, leave me alone", although I won't be all _that_ busy...just need my space.


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## CityLights89 (Dec 10, 2011)

IcoRules said:


> This is the kind of guy I want to be in a relationship with. One I don't have to spend every minute with! lol
> 
> I want to be in a relationship but at the same time I worry I'll end up with a guy who is too needy or wants me to be around him all the time. I don't want to be texted or called all the time. I like my alone time a lot.
> 
> I guess I want a boyfriend who would be more like a friend, but still committed to only me.


Are you my twin? lol


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## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

I see this older thread's been revived...hmm, in my post last Sept I was open to the idea of a relationship...
in the interim, I had a taste of one that ended so stupidly, like with assumptions...
for now, I'd like to go out with guys and have fun here and there. I too need/like to have space as many have mentioned. been making attempts despite near-crippling anxiety, so it may take a bit of time. :roll


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

liktheangel said:


> If you're current crush actually wanted to be a relationship with you would you actually agree?


Yes and no. As in, I should say no, but I'd probably say yes. And I agree with some of the other posters, I value solitude.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I'm not sure. With all the college coursework i'm doing, I don't have much time for a boyfriend. But part of me think that's just an excuse i'm using to tell myself that I don't need/want a relationship. Lately i've been starting to feel like it's time for a boyfriend, but I have to try and shut my urges away because there is no hope of fulfilling them - nobody ever has or will be attracted to me.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it would be great to have sex every other day of the week, so I'm gonna go with yes.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I have trouble believing there is someone out there who would connect with me on all levels that are needed to keep a relationship alive, but am hoping that I find her at some point. If not, then thats fine because I've always been prepared to spend my life alone.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

No. I said this in the other thread, but I feel it's worth repeating: bettering yourself is FAR more important than starting a relationship. And I feel a lot of people, on AND off this board, need to realize that.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

Yes and no. Yes because I really do want that kind of relationship with someone. No, because I'm scared. I have no experience and wouldn't know what to do or how to act. I'd end up humiliating myself and he'd probably break it off w/ me in a week. Plus I'd bore him to death, idk if I'd want to experience such humiliation. But I do always fantasize about having a bf, especially when I'm "crushing" on someone. The constant thoughts are annoying cause I want that person so badly, but I know he would never want someone like me....ok that last part was kind of off topic, sorry.


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## AmeriSwede (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes, I would. But who can blame me because it has never happened to me? I know if it doesn't happen, then I might have to deal with being alone for the next few decades. I just don't know how long I can keep my patience like this.


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## DubnRun (Oct 29, 2011)

I think yeah, but othertimes I think..what the hell will I talk about?? so 80% Yes, 20%..Maybe?


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

No.


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## Intron09 (Jan 25, 2012)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> Yes and no. Yes because I really do want that kind of relationship with someone. No, because I'm scared. I have no experience and wouldn't know what to do or how to act. I'd end up humiliating myself and he'd probably break it off w/ me in a week. Plus I'd bore him to death, idk if I'd want to experience such humiliation. But I do always fantasize about having a bf, especially when I'm "crushing" on someone. The constant thoughts are annoying cause I want that person so badly, but I know he would never want someone like me....ok that last part was kind of off topic, sorry.


Sums it up for me exactly. Exactly.

I wouldn't know how to act, what things to say, etc. There have been one or two females that have shown interest in me as a potential boyfriend, but I put up walls, and try to keep steering the relationship toward casual friendship, because I feel they'll dislike me for the bump on a log that I am.


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## Skttrbrain (Jun 17, 2011)

I want a boyfriend so badly.. probably for the wrong reasons. I have poor self-esteem and since it's been so long since I've dated anybody, I feel quite undesirable. I know girls who have boyfriends and they are very happy.. they have someone who cares and is always there for them. Also, a relationship is something I want to experience sometime in my life. I'm deathly afraid of commitment, but I would like to overcome that.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Yes! I'd love a boyfriend, and all the emotional and physical comfort that comes with having one.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Yes!


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

At this point, relationships wouldn't be bad, but ideally I don't want anything serious.


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## Catnap (Dec 5, 2011)

I would like a relationship again, but I'm not in a position where I could pursue or maintain one, because I don't know where I might end up relocating to just yet. 

When I can get everything figured out and settled, I may become more outgoing in that area again, but I don't want anything too serious for a long while. I want to take my time getting to know them, as long as I need to.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I resisted ending up in a relationship with her for months, based on reason (and my logical brain always wants to be single), and it didn't work because that's what we had anyway, whatever label was applied.


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

Yes, I think so.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

No I just want to have sex.

Dead honest answer there.

But....It would be cool if there was a girl out there that had the same interests as me, but with a good figure. I have a sort of good fysique, so don't blame me for having a standard that a girl should have a flat stomach....

I mean.......

- Watch romantic comedies with together (I watch them alone, lol, sad story I know.).
- Listen to sad/good music together.
- Exercise with sometimes (because I lift, lol).
- Go to the movies with.
- Eat dinner with.

Etc etc.

But really I don't have the need for a gf at the moment, lol.


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## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

I've been holding a torch for my X for nearly 4 years now. I broke down and called him last night and I told him I still love him. He said he still loves me too. We are going out tomorrow :boogie

Somehow I need to tell him I don't want a ball and chain...I just want to be loved once a week is fine.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I do want to be in a relationship. My life is not in shambles - I'm a very optimistic and happy person the majority of the time. I go to school, I have a close group of friends, I'm pursuing my passion for music with my band, but there's still that major part of my life that's missing. Really getting into a relationship for me is the last hurdle I want to achieve. I'm not looking to be saved, or pretending like if I have a girlfriend my social anxiety is going to magically disappear... I just want someone to share my life with and vice versa.


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## matildaz (Aug 23, 2011)

I want it but I don't want it at the same time, I don't know exactly... However, if I do decide, I would have a serious type, coz I wanna feel secure and safe... I have had enough panic in life already, being an sa person like this... And loyalty is very important to me, if I find my bf cheating, I would definitely kick him out, no matter what reason he has...


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

I used to think so. But recently I realized that I'm in love with the "idea" of a relationship. I think relationships that work out are amazing. But, outside of movies, I've never seen one that did. Ever. So I don't think I honestly believe in them anymore.


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## Lonelyunattractive (Mar 11, 2012)

I would love to be in a relationship right now. Just to feel the attachment of someone else with you. Loneliness sucks. No chance I will ever be in another relationship though.


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

ya


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I need to get my life in a little better order before thinking about a girlfriend.


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## Furious Ming (Dec 13, 2011)

I at least want to see what it's like to be in one.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I don't even want to know what kind of girl would even be into me. Like, really? I'm the best you could do?


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

Yes. It's easy for people on here who have had numerous partners to say it's not really that great but when you have never had a relationship before and see people out all the time having fun with their partners it can get really depressing.

I would love to be with someone who I could relate to and just do normal stuff like everyone else like going to the cinema, going for a meal etc. I'm also not going to deny that I would be looking for a sexual experience out of it but that wouldn't be my only reason for getting into a relationship.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I'd love one but usually when I become emotionally attached I end up falling into depression and I'm scared that I would need therapy if the relationship ended badly. Plus I'm at a point where I have no time to hang out with someone regularly. I'd end up feeling bad for not dedicating enough time for the person.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

not a serious one. as of right now i just want someone to hug, hold hands with, kiss, etc.. i don't want or need conversation. just the presence of someone else.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I wanted a long-term, serious relationship. And I still do, deep down. But at this point I'm thinking maybe I should just take what I can get. :\


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

I want something.. I'm not really sure what, and I dont really care if its all only physical, I just need some loving interaction in my life again.


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

I keep saying that I want pretty much anyone at all that I can connect with in the slightest, but the more I think about it, the less sure I am. Loneliness and how the media portrays relationships kind of tends to automatically make most people crave one, but I'd be so clueless as to what to do if anyone was ever willing to date me. I'd just end up being a clingy mess of a guy who follows her around for half of her day if she let me. I can't imagine any girl at all not eventually being annoyed by that, if not immediately.

I'd never have any ideas as far as what we should do or talk about. I'm pretty convinced that I'm just not cut out for a relationship at all. Not a normal one anyway. I'd just never know what to do or say. I'm not romantic, funny, flirty or interesting in the slightest. I know all of this, yet I still want at least one. Probably just to say I've had the experience, even though it would be nothing like the ones that most people experience. Same thing with sex, really. My teenage libido's there, but the thing that truly drives me is that everyone's experienced something I have yet to and I just *have* to have it because it's made out to be so damn great. :roll I have no idea why, but I can never convince myself otherwise when sexual frustration hits it's peak.

*tl;dr:* I want one, but I'm well aware that it wouldn't be a good idea to get into one because it'd crash and burn at a record-breaking pace with how awkward and incompetent I usually am. Then I'd be forced back into total isolation and just be even more depressed than before. It's honestly probably a good thing that luck doesn't seem to be on my side when it comes to this. I honestly think I just need some real friends to get rid of this craving to be in one.


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## Octal (Aug 2, 2011)

Eh, I think I'd screw it up horribly, and that would be devastating for my confidence...much more so than not being in a relationship at all for the near future.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

No I do not want a relationship atm.


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## likeARTcldsveaWRETCHlkeme (May 23, 2012)

liktheangel said:


> I was just randomly thinking about my current crush. I was thinking if he actually wanted to date me or be my BF would I be willing? Would I actually want to be in a relationship? My first thought was "No!".
> 
> So that's the question or the situation. If you're current crush actually wanted to be in a relationship with you would you actually agree?​The reason I'd say no is because I know that my life is in pieces. I also don't want to depend on someone to rescue me. I think too many people especially my age think "if I get a bf/gf then all of my problems will go away, I'll finally be loved, and or someone's going to save me". ​I have a lot of unresolved problems that have been going on for years and I wouldn't want to bring someone else in my life. I would hate myself for making another person's life miserable because I'm miserable.​


​oh my god i feel the exact same way. i wrote a poem about this subject. like, what if i never get better??? am i destined to be alone forever???? i know poems don't really belong here, but it's just so fitting! and besides, maybe people who don't like poetry will be forced to read it now muahahaha​Busywork
(12/9/2011)​I don't want to believe what they say
Because I can't seem to love myself
I make some progress, take a dare
They seem to like me, all by themselves
I say some things, I cling tightly
I make some jokes that just befell 
Back to my own orbiting moon​
If you can't love yourself
Forget loving another
If you can't love yourself
Forget loving another
Well I will never be okay with me
Guess the universe is telling me
That I'm meant to be alone​
I hope they're wrong
Or I hope I get better
But I just don't see that happening. ​Cynical, Jaded, Hopeless, Faded
It's never worked out for me
We all stand so critically 
Cynical and Jaded
Hopeless and Faded​
I just want to see you look at me
And my eyes look back at you
It's the end of the dramatic,
Torturous thing
I'd feel how I've wanted to
I'd take you in and smile for years
I'd be cured of all these wretched things
The flaws would remain
But differently
The corpse would thrive
I would know when I met you that
Those black clouds would level out​
But tonight that won't happen
And maybe never will
I'm stuck with myself
So I just write and I hope that
That will be enough. 
I'll never be what I want to be
I've known since I could speak
I'm handicapped in my own way
I feel like I'm just completing the levels
Because there's nothing else to do
Just hurry up and get it over with
Maybe next time will be better.
​


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

**** no. I'd do everything in my power to screw it up without even realizing it until it's too late.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Peter Attis said:


> I need to get my life in a little better order before thinking about a girlfriend.


Life is what happens while you're making plans....


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

id like a girlfriend but not a serious relationship, just someone to chill with


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## nonesovile (Dec 4, 2011)

I'd like to have a relationship with somebody I actually felt close too, and not just with somebody for the sake of having a relationship. And my problem is I can't commit to anything/anybody and I don't want to really commit too much, but people expect that in a realtionship. But I can also be clingy with some people where I just want to be with them and nobody else, but still want time to myself. :/. And sometimes I think i'd rather just fantasize about having a relationship rather than actually have one.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

A good relationship is the best thing ever IMO. It isn't hard work it just happens. It shouldn't have to be hard work. If two people really get along then not being together just seems stupid. As cliche as it sounds, love is the perfect drug...


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## painfullyshy2013 (May 26, 2012)

Sometimes I wish I was in a relationship since I've never had a boyfriend but I feel bad for whoever ends up with me and has to deal with my social anxiety disorder.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

No!

Wait yes.

No, actually! No!


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

Yes, very much. I know it won't make all my problems go away, but I still want that companionship and intimacy.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Sure. But no way would one work with my life the way it is now.


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## Com1 (May 27, 2012)

Sure, I know it'll never happen though.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

arnie said:


> Life is what happens while you're making plans....


What?


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

I want a *good* relationship


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

yes, very much so


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

i would just like to get to be with a woman on a regular basis for fun in the sun, or something. i imagine friendly dating without the commitment.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

I would like a solid relationship built on honesty at some point in the future.
I am not seeking one out. If it happens, it happens.


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## Class (Nov 6, 2011)

I'd rather have a guy be my best friend. A relationship could come later.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I wouldn't be opposed to one right now


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## 20l9 (Jun 14, 2012)

Yes, I want one badly!.... but I don't think I could fill all the time that a girl needs.... talking, being with her.... God.... most of the time I'm reading, or drunk... so, maybe in another life.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I'm really not so sure anymore. Sometimes I feel like I do, other times I don't. If I met the right person I could be happy in a relationship. But I find it very difficult to meet people and make a connection. Seriously, I'd be happy so long as the person doesn't feel the need to go to a bar every weekend. That got old fast.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Maybe. I would lean more on the No side.
There are many reasons not to, one being the fear of him seeing how truly pathetic my life actually is. I am also too afraid of falling for a guy only to realise I'm a disappointment to him or just a source of pain and frustration. I forget things too, and am emotionally unavailable when I think I'm being perfectly accessible.


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## lettersnumbers (Apr 15, 2012)

I'd rather find a friend and if that developed into something more that's cool, so i guess i don't, i want friendship more.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

no. i used to or believed i wanted one but not now. i check out girls like crazy and have sexual desires, but i can't even really visualise being in one. i just want a friend with benefits and intimacy.


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

Right now, no. Maybe in the future


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I'm adding to my answer. I want the relationship. Not just because of being attached and how it makes her happier but I'm at my best in such relationships. I know how to make them work. Anything else doesn't work properly - maybe I can't bond to others properly unless there's a load of dopamine drugging me.


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## Hamster (Sep 3, 2009)

i also get crushes from time to time, and i keep finding things about the other person that i dislike. so i know i'd be happier if i wasn't in a relationship, though friends with benefits wouldn't be so bad as long as the other person agrees. right now, i'm also having that same thought that i shouldn't have to rely on someone or focus my entire life on getting a relationship. i'm happier single than being with someone i find some faults with.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Rhetorical questions are not my forte.


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

Yes... to feel what it's like to be voluntarily loved by another who is not your family member... perhaps it can help me love myself.

"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."-Frankenstein's Creation
^this


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## Venkska (Oct 29, 2011)

I'm 18, No I have a good 12 years before I think about marrying anyone, though considering me it'll probably be earlier if I find the right girl.


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

i'd love to be in a relationship . . . eventually. if a guy i liked wanted to be with me now i dont think it would work. he'd probably get tired of my insecurities and pessimistic way of thinking. i wish i wasn't this way but it is what it is.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Right now, no. First time i've been happy and content with my own company in a loooong time. There's so much i want to do, and i feel i deserve to be selfish with what i want to do and with the money i earn. 

Right now, i like the notion of being able to uproot and move away whenever i choose. I don't feel guilty that way.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Not at this point in my life.


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## aburridon (Sep 20, 2013)

Haven't had one in a while... kinda miss it, would be nice to share my activities and learn of hers.


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## AshleyAnn (Sep 15, 2013)

Most of the times yes but other times I feel like I'm not in a good enough place to even be in a relationship. I need to work on myself more but then I feel like maybe a relationship will give me some extra motivation to overcome certain things. I don't know.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

To be honest I don't even know anymore, for the longest time I thought that it was what I've wanted for so long.

But lately I just don't know for sure anymore.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Yeah but only with someone who understands me.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I don't think I'm ready for a new relationship yet, but I'm starting to get sick of being single now. I miss having someone.


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## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

Why would anyone who doesn't have or want to have a relationship be reading the relationships section in the first place?


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## CinnamonDelight (Jul 1, 2013)

YES, I do


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Yes, but it's impossible and I'm hopeless.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Nope, im doing just fine without one. They are a huge pain in the ***. I find it much easier being single. I do like to read about other peoples misery though.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Yes and no.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

I don't really care as much now to be honest, or maybe I have given up. I'll always be single now probably, I'm certainly not getting any younger. I refuse to feel so down about it now though and waste so much energy, it happens it happens. I've joined a dating site again, but with a much more positive and relaxed attitude, it's already paying dividends. I'll crap myself if anyone actually wants to meet up though!


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## narora (Nov 19, 2013)

I'd like to be in one however past experiences always stop me in my tracks. Also whenever i seem to like someone it seems like the response is not reciprocated. Having someone there would be nice.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

No.

I am a very intense person, but I also grow bored quickly. It is important that I do not get in a relationship because I inevitably will push them away when I grow bored of their company which I so intensely wanted at first.


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## DS29790bb (Dec 31, 2011)

Ehhhh not sure. I've met a girl and we might soon be in a relationship. She's great, we like each other, yada yada yada. But I was just wondering if I am actually ready. I still am getting over SA. I've made a lot of progress, but still have work to do. I also have other health problems and have just had the busiest three months of my life pass by. The idea of a relationship is just scary at this point.

But then I figure, I am 20 years old and never had anything. I got over much of my SA by not running away from things, so I figure that even if I may not want a relationship, it may help me move forward and who knows, it could be great. I just don't know what it's like.


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

I wouldn't mind being in one, but I probably will not go out of my way to pursue one.


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## aquilla (Aug 18, 2011)

no.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

Yes, to at least know what being in one feels like before I die. To know what so many other people in this forum and outside this forum know all too well and maybe even take for granted, because I am just plain jane incapable of ever getting into one. :no


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

No, relationships are hard work, and I still need to work on myself, I don't need to add someone else to the mix and complicate things. Would be happy with a FWB though.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

what's an FWB?

edit: got it. I've had an fwb the last year, though the pesky feelings are starting to intrude and ruin it.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

I want... something. I do not think I could handle a relationship well for numerous reasons, and yet I yearn for a feeling I cannot entirely describe. It isn't necessarily the seeking of affection or excitement in my life- rather something to keep me fighting. Yet I don't believe I should rely on others for such a thing, either.

My main issue is constant doubt and anxiety. I'd have a hard time being in a relationship if I felt like a burden, which I normally do. So I suppose I'm just here to enjoy the ride.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

I do, but at the same time, I feel very inadequate and like I'd either be a burden or a bore to most girls. So when I see a girl that's nice, intelligent and attractive, I always find reasons not to go for her. Either she's too outgoing and I can't keep up, or she has different interests, or she's seems uninterested. I was slightly interested in a girl for a few weeks recently, but I've decided not to go for her, because she's friends with my previous crush. I feel like I'm almost subconsciously looking for reasons why any girl I have the slightest interest for is not a good match. My standards have gotten way too high, because I'm too afraid of not being a good enough match for someone and I'm afraid of getting rejected and hurt again. I feel like literally ever guy has a more desirable personality than me.


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## imm0rtAl (Nov 9, 2013)

Having a crush and loving someone are two very distinctive things. Being a clown of life I can go into relationship with anyone on a whim so as long as a certain criteria of friendship and/or mutual understainding is met. I woldn't mind but it also wouldn't be anything serious. I can't be serious for those matters, nor love someone for real. The feeling is temporary anyway.
So if there is someone who seriously thinks of engaging with me, I'd rather refuse, as I know what a monster I'd be but if it's for the entertainment, well, sure, why not?


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## zstandig (Sep 21, 2013)

I'd like to at least give it a try.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

River In The Mountain said:


> Maybe. I would lean more on the No side.
> There are many reasons not to, one being the fear of him seeing how truly pathetic my life actually is. I am also too afraid of falling for a guy only to realise I'm a disappointment to him or just a source of pain and frustration. I forget things too, and am emotionally unavailable when I think I'm being perfectly accessible.


perfect.

so much +1 on this, minus the whole guy part.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

I might have answered this question already, but I'll do it again: no I don't want a relationship.

I was born alone, I'll die alone.

The thing is; I'm not suited for a relationship both physically and physiologically.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

yes! i want a relationship and the intimacy with someone that i dont have with anyone else. i miss the closeness, the sharing, the cuddles and kisses. actually, im having a really hard time lately with this as it seems no one is even remotely interested in me. guys pass me up left and right, and it leaves me depressed and thinking ill be alone forever. :|


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## yadx (Nov 2, 2012)

currently no. in the future maybe, but i find relationships too much of a hassle to even try right now


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

jonny neurotic said:


> A good relationship is the best thing ever IMO. It isn't hard work it just happens. It shouldn't have to be hard work. If two people really get along then not being together just seems stupid. As cliche as it sounds, love is the perfect drug...


True!


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## Parsnip (Sep 5, 2013)

I can't really want a relationship, because I'm not trying to change my life enough that I'll meet people who may want a relationship with me. I'd imagine if I really wanted a relationship I'd put so much more effort into meeting people, making myself look pretty and actually trying to flirt rather than keeping my head down and earphones on.


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