# 'Best' Friend just slept with my crush.



## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

Right, so tonight I decided to invite my best friend and crush to the pub, (Where I live). We've had a brilliant night and I truly thought my crush was into me. We were all sleeping in the same room and I was slowly dosing off. I heard my crush whisper to my best friend, "He's asleep". They immediately left the room and I've just found a condom packet on my bed.

I've had a bit to drink and I feel so ****ing awful right now. What the hell do I do guys. I'm feeling so, so ****. :'(


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

This thread is unclear I'm sorry. I'm not thinking straight right now. But I don't know what to do guys. Anyone? :/


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Ouch. Sounds like it's time to find a new friend.

This is just what people do though. It's why you really can never trust anyone.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Damn, that sucks, even just reading that kind of hurt. Honestly I don't think there's much you can do, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that ship has sailed. And got nailed. It's time for a new crush, sorry bro.


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## Idontgetit (Nov 1, 2013)

If you're friend knew you liked her, he sounds like a d***.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I've only had friends date my crushes (but I only count one because they only knew about one), but man in that context that sounds really awful D:


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Did your friend know about the crush? If so, then that was kind of a ****ty thing to do. I feel like that's going against the sacred friendship code of conduct or something. I'm sorry that happened. :/


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## cuppy (Oct 15, 2011)

:squeeze


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

yeah, did he know?

also forget the girl, she started it first right?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Had a friend that sort of did that many years ago. No hard feelings. I respect him for making the moves that I was too weak to make myself. You'll learn to take action.


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## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Did your friend know you liked her?

If he did then that's really ****ty of him.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

One of the joys in life, realizing something you don't want to be true, and then not being able to do anything about it except wait for it to stop hurting.

It does stop hurting though, I promise...but that won't do you much good tonight or tomorrow night...


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

What do you do? 

Nothing. Sober up. Drinking isn't going to help, it'll just amplify the bad feelings.

Sorry to sound harsh, but she's just not into you. Yeah it sucks, but you'll get over it. 

As for the friend, well it depends if he knew or not.


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## Blushy (Apr 12, 2013)

You're 17. Crushes will come and go. As will friends. I think it's time for both a new friend and a new crush. 

<3 
*hugs*


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

That's why friends and love interests don't mix.


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## chinaski (Mar 1, 2010)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Had a friend that sort of did that many years ago. No hard feelings. I respect him for making the moves that I was too weak to make myself. You'll learn to take action.


Pretty much this. My friend didn't know, though.


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

I appreciate the replies guys and took things on board. I've slept on it and feeling better. Cheers for your time. x


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

You'll get over it. Next time just don't be afraid to make a move because now you know someone else will.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

In drunken state this happens, happened to me too btw.

I could name 3 girls I knew in the past who would betray their BF, granted it seemed in 2 of the cases their RS wasnt the best anymore. But still technically it was cheating. Not that men would do it too ofc.

Edit: If you say "crush" then you were not in a RS with her right now ? So it wasnt cheating from either your friend nor your "crush" technically (morally maybe yes but morale will come second if drunken and people have desire for each other)


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Silverera said:


> Right, so tonight I decided to invite my best friend and crush to the pub,


Oops.


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

Yeaah, I wasn't in a relationship with her but I generally thought we were making progress together. I believe my friend had the idea there was something going on with us.

And I'm not putting all the blame on either of them. It just shook me up and obviously when you're intoxicated your judgement is clouded.


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

My friend hasn't really said much about it and I didn't want to come across as some smothering *******. So I haven't told either of them how I felt about it. 
But I hang around with these 2 quite frequently and it's just not the same after this happened.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Silverera said:


> Yeaah, I wasn't in a relationship with her but I generally thought we were making progress together. I believe my friend had the idea there was something going on with us.
> 
> And I'm not putting all the blame on either of them. It just shook me up and obviously when you're intoxicated your judgement is clouded.


But did you actually tell him how you felt? Either way, you should hang around some new people. If I was you I'd forget about the pair of them. It's the best way for you to move on.

Although, does this girl know your feelings towards her? If not, there might still be a chance of something between you two.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Did he know you were into her?

If one of my friends did that I'd struggle not to hit them.. I certainly wouldn't speak to them for a very long time afterward.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

Silverera said:


> Right, so tonight I decided to invite my best friend and crush to the pub, (Where I live). We've had a brilliant night and I truly thought my crush was into me. We were all sleeping in the same room and I was slowly dosing off. I heard my crush whisper to my best friend, "He's asleep". They immediately left the room and I've just found a condom packet on my bed.
> 
> I've had a bit to drink and I feel so ****ing awful right now. What the hell do I do guys. I'm feeling so, so ****. :'(


Next time don't have your best friend and your crush together. Keep the friendships separate. I have a friend that I have known for many years and every time I talked about my male friend, she would get jealous about things that he did for me that I told her. So I stopped talking about him so much to her and talked to other people about him or I kept it to myself. Obviously you can't trust your best friend.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Silverera said:


> I appreciate the replies guys and took things on board. I've slept on it and feeling better. Cheers for your time. x


Glad you're feeling a little better, I guess this is just one of those things that we all have to go through at one point. Better luck with the next girl, and like everyone said, don't mix your friends with your crush, that's just asking for c***s all over the place to block your business. Slap those c***s out of the way.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

people are really cruel, I'm so sorry you had to learn it this way =( I've been in a similar situation. Don't speak to either of them ever again, seriously. Some people are just **** people


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

What a little b****. ****ing drop his ***.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

youre just jealous he scored the girl and you didnt.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

She sounds like a terrible person, getting involved with your best friend when she knew you liked her. 

I would have a talk with your friend, and ditch the girl. She's a ****.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

as a guy 10 years old than you, let me teach you a life lesson, don't have a crush, it will crash you, there're always hotter chicks out there


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

prettyful said:


> youre just jealous he scored the girl and you didnt.


What did he say to you to warrant that comment?

Oh well, I don't think someone with "swiftie for life :troll" as their status should be taken seriously anyway.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

prettyful said:


> youre just jealous he scored the girl and you didnt.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Personally, I would be more pissed off that I wanted a relationship, and my best friend took advantage of the person I wanted a relationship with.

It's a bad analogy, but it's like you buying this delicious cheeseburger from your favorite burger joint, and then your friend takes a bite out of it before you can have a taste. It makes it his, because you won't eat it after that. 

I just realized how hungry I am.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

prettyful said:


> youre just jealous he scored the girl and you didnt.





RelinquishedHell said:


> What did he say to you to warrant that comment?
> 
> Oh well, I don't think someone with "swiftie for life :troll" as their status should be taken seriously anyway.





crimeclub said:


>


 Wow - I don't think that was tactful.

To the OP, I would ask the friend flat out. If he did the deed, an answer you should need. I would question the man's integrity and whether or not he knew about your crush.

At 17, you have a lot of time ahead of you. Build up your confidence. The more you improve yourself, the more clarity you will have to things and people around you.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Had a friend that sort of did that many years ago. No hard feelings. I respect him for making the moves that I was too weak to make myself. You'll learn to take action.


This is basically what I would say, although I've never been in the situation.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

prettyful said:


> youre just jealous he scored the girl and you didnt.


Aren't you a little ray of sunshine...


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I feel for you man. It's a gutwrneching feeling along with a loss of hope. Unless they both knew you were interested in her and were actively persuing her then I wouldn't get angry with them. I'd be more angry at myself thinking what else could I have done. 

I've actually gotten to the point that I hate introducing people because they end up hooking up.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Wow, this is a tough one. What do you do now? Dump your friend and this crush? Do you have other friends to fall back on?

It seems like it would be torture being around them all the time. Seeing them be affectionate in front of you.

Like some have said, it's a bad idea to have a crush. You like a girl, ask her out and move on if you get rejected. Don't get attached to girls you're in a relationship with. It doesn't sound like she's too great a girl anyway considering the sh*tty way she handled this.

No more crushes, ok? You're about to be a man. Smash don't crush. lol


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

I've had friends who scored with some of my crushes. Good for them. I just gave'em a pat in the back and said: "Good job man. You know I hate you though! Next time I'm the one stealing the hot girl you've been wanting to bang, you sneaky basterd :lol"

I don't like this whole primary school thinking, along the lines of "_hey, she's mine, I saw her first, I reserved her, so only I have the right to seduce her._" I think it's just plain childish. That crush doesn't belong to you or anybody, OP. If your friend hadn't banged her, some other stranger might have done it, regardless. From what you replied, your friend didn't even know for sure you had a thing for her.



ManOfFewWords said:


> Had a friend that sort of did that many years ago. No hard feelings. I respect him for making the moves that I was too weak to make myself. You'll learn to take action.


I agree.


RelinquishedHell said:


> Ouch. Sounds like it's time to find a new friend.
> 
> This is just what people do though. It's why you really can never trust anyone.





apx24 said:


> But did you actually tell him how you felt? Either way, you should hang around some new people. If I was you I'd forget about the pair of them. It's the best way for you to move on.


 *For all we know, that guy has actually been a very good friend up until now.* I wouldn't dump every friend of mine each time they got drunk and scored a chick I dig.



DeeperUnderstanding said:


> She sounds like a terrible person, getting involved with your best friend when she knew you liked her.
> 
> She's a ****.


People with SA don't always make it very obvious when trying to seduce someone, since they're insecure and don't tend to make the best flirts. Maybe she just saw OP as a friend.

*Now, turn the tables, and imagine you knew an unattractive chick who seems to have a thing for you, but you're not sure either. She invites you to a bar, and she came with a gorgeous friend who also happens to be sweet - just your type.* Wouldn't you feel like making a move on the hot chick? I sure would. I wouldn't be trying to bang her if we're in the same room of course as the other friend, but I might save the dime's number for later... :b


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Ditch both of them. That is ****ed up.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Mr Bacon said:


> That crush doesn't belong to you or anybody, OP. If your friend hadn't banged her, some other stranger might have done it, regardless. From what you replied, your friend didn't even know for sure you had a thing for her.


I agree with the idea but shouldn't your best friend be trying to help you bang your crush not sneaking around undermining your efforts? Especially if your friend has developed real feelings for the girl.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> I agree with the idea but shouldn't your best friend be trying to help you bang your crush not sneaking around undermining your efforts? Especially if your friend has developed real feelings for the girl.


If you don't even tell your best friend that you have a thing for a girl, you can't blame him for putting the moves on her.

Ideally, yes, it would be better if you and your friend communicate things clearly and work together as a team instead shooting each other in the foot.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

But even if the friend had not hit on her, it doesn't necessarily mean the OP would have had a chance. Or if it did work out then the girl would always have had the hots for the OP's friend. Then things would get even more interesting.....


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> But even if the friend had not hit on her, it doesn't necessarily mean the OP would have had a chance. Or if it did work out then the girl would always have had the hots for the OP's friend. Then things would get even more interesting.....


Yup!


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## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

A common rite of passage for our type. It has happened to me twice so far and it sucks. Nothing you can do. I ended hating my friends for a few months and I totally stopped hanging out with both girls, but in the end that really didn't do anything. This whole sex/relationship conquest seems to be nothing more than a huge game. The more emotion you put into the more you have to lose. You have to be more like your best friend and your crush. You have to become completely heartless and not give a damn about who you hurt.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> I agree with the idea but shouldn't your best friend be trying to help you bang your crush not sneaking around undermining your efforts? Especially if your friend has developed real feelings for the girl.


Bros before hoes is sadly a myth (setup by PUA).


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Nexus777 said:


> Bros before hoes is sadly a myth (setup by PUA).


It's not a myth. I would never poach your hoe. 

My first real girlfriend was the result of my best friend singing my praises to a girl I liked. That's a real friend. I've helped him out. I've helped other guys out who weren't my friend even when I had a clear shot at the girl.

Bottom line is friends help each other. And I don't believe for a second that his friend didn't know.

I would downgrade him from best friend to just friend. Because you can't trust a dude who does that. He is outside the "circle of trust."


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

AngelClare said:


> It's not a myth. I would never poach your hoe.
> 
> My first real girlfriend was the result of my best friend singing my praises to a girl I liked. That's a real friend. I've helped him out. I've helped other guys out who weren't my friend even when I had a clear shot at the girl.
> 
> ...


^ I've learned the difference between good and bad friends this year. An eye-opener but a good one to learn nonetheless.


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

So are the two of them a couple now or was it just a casual one nighter?
Either way, the damage is done eh. You can't look at her the same again since your mate's tapped it. Sucks bro, find yourself another one


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Idontgetit said:


> If you're friend knew you liked her, he sounds like a d***.


Yeah but she initiated. That's tough but it's how it goes sometimes. The crush has to be over now. I'd probably feel insulted that she was waiting for me to sleep so she could go knock boots with that other dude and the crush would turn to contempt pretty quickly.


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

I've just read all these more recent comments and I really appreciate everyones time on this post truly.

I've realised that I'm not going to get mad at either one of them. Not really worth my time. Things have been a little different between me and my best friend since. I guess the past just hasn't faded yet, but I guess that comes with time.

Ups the only way, better luck next time I guess.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

Lose your "friend".


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## Idontgetit (Nov 1, 2013)

Terranaut said:


> Yeah but she initiated. That's tough but it's how it goes sometimes. The crush has to be over now. I'd probably feel insulted that she was waiting for me to sleep so she could go knock boots with that other dude and the crush would turn to contempt pretty quickly.


What about the code bros before hoes


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

That feel when having a wingman backfires on you.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Idontgetit said:


> What about the code bros before hoes


Let's see you apply that when some hot babe wants to sneak off with you for hot sex after your friend who is interested in her and the feeling is not mutual falls asleep. "Duh, sorry, but no, he likes you and I'm him pal" is easier said than done--especially if you think he's asleep too. It is not all that easy until one sees what we're talking about. I wouldn't call her a ho. She might very well be a dream girl. Theories are one thing, practices are another.


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## JT501 (Dec 23, 2013)

I'll be honest: something like this happening to me would be my nightmare scenario. Props to you man for handling it as well as reasonably expected.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

Bitter pill to swallow but it's a crush not a gf. Not much you can do really. You can't force anyone to like you.


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## Idontgetit (Nov 1, 2013)

Terranaut said:


> Let's see you apply that when some hot babe wants to sneak off with you for hot sex after your friend who is interested in her and the feeling is not mutual falls asleep. "Duh, sorry, but no, he likes you and I'm him pal" is easier said than done--especially if you think he's asleep too. It is not all that easy until one sees what we're talking about. I wouldn't call her a ho. She might very well be a dream girl. Theories are one thing, practices are another.


Good point


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

nope.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Idontgetit said:


> Good point


Atta boy.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

You should have confronted him about it. He's your "best friend". You should be able to talk to him about anything. If you don't confront him it will snowball and affect everything else you guys do together. You acting too much as a nice guy to just let that stuff slide.

If you dont have enough balls to confront him, start reading "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It will change your life.


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## The Enclave (May 10, 2013)

apx24 said:


> Aren't you a little ray of sunshine...


Most of the girls here have a strong lack of empathy and tact, partly because they know they'll get mafia like protection from the mod team no matter what.

That's just the way it is.


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## Silverera (Sep 5, 2013)

Mr Bacon said:


> If you don't even tell your best friend that you have a thing for a girl, you can't blame him for putting the moves on her.
> 
> Ideally, yes, it would be better if you and your friend communicate things clearly and work together as a team instead shooting each other in the foot.


I do agree, the morning after I never truly confronted him about it but, I just told him that I knew what went on and we left it at that.

I'm only 17 like many of you noticed and I know that I'm still young and have a lot to learn. I've matured quickly, growing up around people much older and learning how to earn respect etc.

Maybe I was jealous as I'd love to have a nice relationship with a girl right now as my life is very comfortable and I would like to share it with someone. At the same time, he had the balls to do the deed whereas I didn't. I'll take it as a lesson learn't I guess.


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## Butterflyluv (Feb 12, 2013)

its okay. I just read this and I felt your pain so much but now you know. You're going to meet an awesome person and go up to them and make a move. I guess it doesn't matter since you already learned from this indecent but I wanted to let you know I'm rooting for you. You seem like a cool guy.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Mr Bacon said:


> *Now, turn the tables, and imagine you knew an unattractive chick who seems to have a thing for you, but you're not sure either. She invites you to a bar, and she came with a gorgeous friend who also happens to be sweet - just your type.* Wouldn't you feel like making a move on the hot chick? I sure would. I wouldn't be trying to bang her if we're in the same room of course as the other friend, but I might save the dime's number for later... :b


-sigh- yeah I'm always the unattractive chick, even when they're not exactly models themselves by conventional standards I'm still lesser. 

Oh well, least I have video games and music <3 they shall be my wives.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

This has got to be one of the most mature, considered resolutions to a thread like this I've ever seen. I know that it's a two year old thread, but still.

I mean look at this guy:



Silverera said:


> I do agree, the morning after I never truly confronted him about it but, I just told him that I knew what went on and we left it at that.
> 
> I'm only 17 like many of you noticed and I know that I'm still young and have a lot to learn. I've matured quickly, growing up around people much older and learning how to earn respect etc.
> 
> Maybe I was jealous as I'd love to have a nice relationship with a girl right now as my life is very comfortable and I would like to share it with someone. At the same time, he had the balls to do the deed whereas I didn't. I'll take it as a lesson learn't I guess.


That never happens on SAS. _Never._


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> -sigh- yeah I'm always the unattractive chick, even when they're not exactly models themselves by conventional standards I'm still lesser.
> 
> Oh well, least I have video games and music <3 they shall be my wives.


...... :no

And OP given that the had sex in your bed, I'd say **** both of em and move on with your life.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

He is no friend of yours.



ManOfFewWords said:


> Had a friend that sort of did that many years ago. No hard feelings. I respect him for making the moves that I was too weak to make myself. You'll learn to take action.


But I guarantee you this - that respect isn't mutual.

He's better with women than you are - don't compound that problem by then sacrificing more of your dignity as a man by placating him. That's only making you even weaker than you were previously. It's not a good look.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

yourfavestoner said:


> He is no friend of yours.
> 
> But I guarantee you this - that respect isn't mutual.
> 
> He's better with women than you are - don't compound that problem by then sacrificing more of your dignity as a man by placating him. That's only making you even weaker than you were previously. It's not a good look.


What kind of people do you hang out with? I've never known a guy who would hold it against you if you didn't get as many women as him. That's ****ing weird.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

rymo said:


> What kind of people do you hang out with? I've never known a guy who would hold it against you if you didn't get as many women as him. That's ****ing weird.


Me neither.

He implied his friend slept with a girl he was working on - that's a violation.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

kiirby said:


> This has got to be one of the most mature, considered resolutions to a thread like this I've ever seen. I know that it's a two year old thread, but still.
> 
> I mean look at this guy:
> 
> That never happens on SAS. _Never._


If that's maturity, I want no part of it. If the friend did indeed know about his feelings, he's a ****ing scumbag and he deserves contempt. This has happened to me too. When this "friend" found out I was into this girl, he would go and talk to her all the time, trying to get her. Then on one of the rare occasions when I went to talk to her (to return something), he deliberately ran ahead of me and went to talk to her, and said something to embarrass me in front of her.

I suppose it was for the best anyway, because this girl wasn't my type anyway and kind of a b**** too, and I didn't really have a chance anyway because I rarely even talked to her because of my anxiety. But still, the guy knew exactly what he was doing and deliberately screwed me over. I was still friends with him, but such experiences taught me not to trust him as far as I can throw him.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Friends help you. They don't **** your crush behind your back. He's not your friend.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Ape in space said:


> If that's maturity, I want no part of it. If the friend did indeed know about his feelings, he's a ****ing scumbag and he deserves contempt. This has happened to me too. When this "friend" found out I was into this girl, he would go and talk to her all the time, trying to get her. Then on one of the rare occasions when I went to talk to her (to return something), he deliberately ran ahead of me and went to talk to her, and said something to embarrass me in front of her.
> 
> I suppose it was for the best anyway, because this girl wasn't my type anyway and kind of a b**** too, and I didn't really have a chance anyway because I rarely even talked to her because of my anxiety. But still, the guy knew exactly what he was doing and deliberately screwed me over. I was still friends with him, but such experiences taught me not to trust him as far as I can throw him.


Did you actually read what happened though? It wasn't at all clear that his friend really knew how much he liked her.

The responses in this thread have been so bizarre and aggressive. Having a crush on someone doesn't warrant that kind of possessiveness. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you but it doesn't justify the kind of vitriol in this thread.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I don't get why people care if their friends sleep with their crush. My friend can sleep with all my crushes, my sister, my mom, my dad, or whoever the **** the want for all I care. It's just sex. Not like you cant bang her later. 

You can't blame your friend. You can only blame yourself for not making a move fast enough.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Imbored21 said:


> I don't get why people care if their friends sleep with their crush. My friend can sleep with all my crushes, my sister, my mom, my dad, or whoever the **** the want for all I care. It's just sex. Not like you cant bang her later.
> 
> You can't blame your friend. You can only blame yourself for not making a move fast enough.


You really value your friends. I don't think I've ever had a friend that I valued to the extent that I wouldn't be bothered by him or her ****ing my family and girls I've expressed interest in. These things change the entire nature of the friendship, and I can't say the friendship would necessarily be worth preserving after being altered in such ways.


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