# Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Arrested For Public Masturbation



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Portland, OR - In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation was arrested yesterday in Portland, Oregon for masturbating in public.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke to reporters about the future of the tour after this recent setback. "Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® has helped thousands of adults and children live a masturbation-free lifestyle. Fappy® also collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he did great things," Childs said. "It's a shame how the media is portraying Fappy® right now. All the good that he's done, all the lives he's saved, all ruined by some 'alleged' public masturbation charge. I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy® in your prayers until this nonsense is resolved." Childs continued, "Until he is bonded out, Rubit® The Anti-Masturbation Rabbit will temporarily be taking his place on the school tour until we can get this mess sorted out. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."

Fappy®, whose real identity is 34-year-old Arizona resident Paul Horner, told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. "I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love you all," Horner said. "I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail." Horner continued, "Satan's wicked ways came over me in a moment of weakness and I'm now paying dearly for it. At this jail though, it seems everyone here is having moments of weakness at least four or five times a day. God willing I'll be able to put an end to all of that debauchery once and for all."

http://superofficialnews.com/fappy-the-anti-masturbation-dolphin-arrested-for-public-masturbation/


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

couldn't help thinking about this.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Is this satire?


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## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

nubly said:


> Is this satire?


yes. I should have posted in Just for Fun section.


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## FireIsTheCleanser (Aug 16, 2011)

nubly said:


> Is this satire?


It comes from a website called "Super Official News" so I have no reason to believe this being false and satirical.


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## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

I cant edit the post to ad that it is Satire. I don't know if it's a forum bug. Or something going on on my end.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

If he's anti-masturbation shouldn't he be (called) Unfappy instead?


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

bad baby said:


> If he's anti-masturbation shouldn't he be (called) Unfappy instead?


Lol ironic isn't it


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

They sound have made it a frog named rubit lol


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## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Sorry about the double posts guys. I was trying to edit the post and I got a blank screen. hit the back button and it was posted again. I have asked them to be deleted and this moved to Just for Fun. Posted in the wrong forum. Heh and I haven't even had a drink yet today.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I knew something was up when I saw that the last name was "Horner". I mean, really. :lol


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Ironic that I see this thread just now...


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

"The dangerous consequences of masturbation"!? What the bloody f*** is the world coming to!? :roll


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

What I find harder to believe is that an anti-masturbation dolphin mascot actually exists.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

ItsEasierToRun said:


> "The dangerous consequences of masturbation"!? What the bloody f*** is the world coming to!? :roll


The drastic drop in the number of Rapes, caused by masturbation is a serious danger to humanity! How can you not see it?!? :roll


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

So if he had sex in public would have been okay?


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Monotony said:


> The drastic drop in the number of Rapes, caused by masturbation is a serious danger to humanity! How can you not see it?!? :roll


 10/10 Would read again :lol


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

illmatic1 said:


> They should have made it a frog named rubit lol


 :haha


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

ItsEasierToRun said:


> 10/10 Would read again :lol


Just think of all those poor women that aren't being pinned to the ground and having dicks sometimes multiple dicks forcibly inserted into them? Or the Joy of getting pregnant from it because the rapists didn't bother to use protection!

All because of that horrible filth known as masturbation that keeps average pant sagging dick waving hairless primate satisfied enough to not have to resort to other measures when they don't have willing and readily available source of relief. :no


























Ya.. my eyes are about ready to call it quits.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Monotony said:


> Just think of all those poor women that aren't being pinned to the ground and having dicks sometimes multiple dicks forcibly inserted into them? Or the Joy of getting pregnant from it because the rapists didn't bother to use protection!
> 
> All because of that horrible filth known as masturbation that keeps average pant sagging dick waving hairless primate satisfied enough to not have to resort to other measures when they don't have willing and readily available source of relief. :no
> 
> Ya.. my eyes are about ready to call it quits.


 But apparently we're not allowed to have this opinion cause we're just a couple of cynical *******s and no doubt some form of "ist"s.. :roll
I'll see how this thread progresses after I have a quick fap :troll


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## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

Why fappy... why?


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

ItsEasierToRun said:


> "The dangerous consequences of masturbation"!? What the bloody f*** is the world coming to!? :roll


:sus

Um, it was clearly a joke.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> :sus
> 
> Um, it was clearly a joke.


It's *not* clear because things equal with this level of stupidity actually pass for "serious" modern politics.. :roll


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

For some reason I thought this was an enfield/limmy thread. :stu


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## FrostSpike (Jun 12, 2013)

Wasn't enfield the fappy dolphin? He was always going on about being some kind of dolphin. There's a great quote from him in a locked thread describing the differences between his trainers.


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## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Now now friends, this was just meant as satire/a joke, no need to bring up names.


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## slider (Feb 9, 2013)

fapping is healthy = good for the prostate 

the only anti-fapping campaign is by religion :\


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

slider said:


> fapping is healthy = good for the prostate
> 
> the only anti-fapping campaign is by religion :\


That's simply not true.

First of all fappinh can't be healthy because its against nature (waste of essence)

Second there is a community of nofappers on red dit that have nothing to do with religion


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## theseshackles (Apr 23, 2011)

Zeeshan said:


> First of all fappinh can't be healthy because its against nature (waste of essence)


So I guess that would mean casual sex can't be healthy because it's against nature since, in essence, it's also a waste of essence...

Well I should just say sex in general because you could have sex when she's not ovulating...hence, a waste of essence...

and I guess that can't apply to girls since it's not like they pop an egg out when they orgasm..so I guess masturbation is ok for them...


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

theseshackles said:


> So I guess that would mean casual sex can't be healthy because it's against nature since, in essence, it's also a waste of essence...
> 
> Well I should just say sex in general because you could have sex with someone when she's not ovulating...hence, a waste of essence...
> 
> and I guess that can't apply to girls since is not like they pop an egg out when they orgasm..so I guess masturbation is ok for them...


yes you are right, by that logic


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