# Thinking positive is impossible :(



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Do you find that staying positive all the time is an impossibility? How do people do it?

I have been thinking positive for 2 weeks now, and I'm slowly improving my diet, exercising more to lose my fat and reading a book on CBT, and then yesterday I see my old bully who ruined my time at primary school (I'm at uni), walking with his girlfriend.I got scared and crossed the road to avoid walking past him and I know he saw me trying to avoid him.

I'm happy for him and his girlfriend, and it's my fault that I still have SA, not his, but since yesterday I've become bitter about my situation and now I've resorted to my old bitter negative thoughts about self harming and bingeing on junk food

Positive thinking is just a fallacy and I give up on it.

Anyone else had relapses into negativity after trying to think positive?


----------



## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Personally, I've noticed it's about keeping both sides balanced -- if you're WAY into the positive thoughts, it can lead to questioning things and then relapsing into negativity. Of course, for the average person, it wouldn't be.. but for those struggling a bit like you and I, yes that will happen. And as you may already know, going way deep into negativity and having the relapse take over you can be troublesome as well.

Just speaking from my experience though.. Not sure if that'd apply to you as well. It is possible to think positively though. You just have to keep pushing in some positive things right away once you feel a relapse starting to happen. Not saying it's easy as 1, 2, 3, because it isn't. But after practicing it consistently whenever you feel a relapse coming... you do kinda start seeing some improvements.

What also helps me when it is absolutely impossible to really push in the more positive thoughts (and you will come to periods like that), is... REALLY ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Why do you feel upset? Angry? Sad? Depressed? Extremely anxious? etc. Try to piece things together, and figure out what it is that you want to feel that would be more rational (if that even made sense). Relapse seems to often be made up of well... irrational thoughts. At least, for me anyway. It could apply to others here as well.

It's helped me to figure out why I feel the way I do about something, then figure out what it is that I want to feel (mostly "peace" and not being hypocritical), then try to reinforce THAT into my mental state. I've been barely starting out with doing that though, so things had been a little bleh here and there, but overall I think I'm doing ok. It's more effective for me to do this by writing it all down. Write down what's triggering my poor moods, what I want to feel instead (that's more positive and healthy) or what, etc. Writing things down a lot has always helped me to better remember things or get a better understanding of things..not just in the context of education, but also dealing with emotional issues.

Hope this stuff kinda helps you out as well. Again, it is possible to think positively.



> Do you find that staying positive all the time is an impossibility? *How do people do it?*


Sounds cliche but - basically seeing through the imperfections of things. You either let your problems get to you where you dwell in them often, thinking it totally defines you -or- you pick yourself up and learn to appreciate whatever IS going well for you. It may be just one thing, and that one thing may not exactly be the one thing you wanted to go well for you.. but be thankful there's something. Count your blessings, they say. I've started doing that for a month, and it truly is worth it.


----------



## upndownboi (Oct 7, 2010)

I can completely relate, I find it hard to keep thinking positive because over years thinking negatively has become such a habit, and what a habit, it slows my mind down, makes me doubt myself, holds me back- its just not useful.

I tell myself if thinking negatively can become a habit then so can thinking positively... if I practice enough one day it'll come as easily as thinking negatively does now. But its all about the long run.

These are some inspirational youtube videos I like watching:

Kerri Strug wins Gold






How Great I am


----------



## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

positivity is a word, more importantly, is your mindset founded in reality or unrealism?


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

JenN2791 said:


> Sounds cliche but - basically seeing through the imperfections of things. You either let your problems get to you where you dwell in them often, thinking it totally defines you -or- you pick yourself up and learn to appreciate whatever IS going well for you. It may be just one thing, and that one thing may not exactly be the one thing you wanted to go well for you.. but be thankful there's something. Count your blessings, they say. I've started doing that for a month, and it truly is worth it.





R91 said:


> It sounds like seeing your old bully and his girlfriend triggered negative thinking for you. What exactly was going through your mind when you saw him?
> 
> You're improving your diet, you've started CBT, and you're exercising more. Don't let that all go to waste! That's further than most people get, so you're on the right track.
> 
> Try looking into positive affirmations and come up with a list of your own, e.g. "I am getting better, and I am worth the time and effort" - because you most definitely are.


Thank you both for your kind words 
I'm just treating this as a blip and I'm not going to let it stop me trying to be positive. I guess when I wrote the post I was still in shock from seeing him. When I saw, all I thought about was getting away from him so I didn't have to look him in the face, hence why I crossed the road lol.

I guess all of us will relapse occasionally into negative thinking but it's okay, I'm sure all of us will get better.


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

joinmartin said:


> I don't know if you fully accept yourself as you are right now. So what I'm going to say is just me talking. If it helps, great. If you're not ready to reap the positive benefits of what I'm saying, that's okay too. Your mind and body know what they need.
> 
> I don't know the circumstances of your birth. B*ut I do know that you're walking around feeling like this because other people protected you when you were so small that the darkness of this world could have swallowed you whole. If people had not put themselves in the way of that darkness and harm, you would not be here worrying about thinking positively. *
> 
> ...


Thank you for your advice, I'd never thought of it like that before, but I think you are right in that respect.

Also, I've accepted that bad things are going to happen, and just because people start to think positively, it does not mean that good things will suddenly happen to them, but instead they will adapt better to the things already happening to them (hope that makes sense!)

btw I'm sorry to hear about your elbow, I respect you for dealing with that pain like that


----------



## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

A) It takes time to develop the habits of positive thinking.
B) In my experience it's more about recognizing when your thoughts are negative, and trying to understand why they're irrational.
C) Probably the hardest part about getting over your negative thoughts is getting over the negative thoughts you have about getting over your negative thoughts. It's not about making progress so much as it is about recovering from setbacks.


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

wxolue said:


> A) It takes time to develop the habits of positive thinking.
> B) In my experience it's more about recognizing when your thoughts are negative, and trying to understand why they're irrational.
> C) *Probably the hardest part about getting over your negative thoughts is getting over the negative thoughts you have about getting over your negative thoughts. It's not about making progress so much as it is about recovering from setbacks*.


That's very true, just because you decide to think positive does not mean your life will suddenly get better, rather that you recover from the s**t life gives you in a more positive and productive way


----------



## LandL84 (Mar 9, 2012)

apx24 said:


> Do you find that staying positive all the time is an impossibility? How do people do it?


In my own experience I can do positive thinking, but not for a long time though.. especially when a lot of things go wrong at the same time - car breaks down, cuts at work, family member dismisses you, etc.. sometimes it seems impossible to think positive about so many things at once, then I get a feeling that I'm trying to trick myself that nothing's happened.. It's not easy for me anyway... :blank


----------

