# body dysmorphic disorder



## clapyourhands (Mar 5, 2010)

delete


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## Disastuh (Mar 20, 2010)

Right here. I think my anxiety is largely due to BDD. 

I'm surprised there are no responses. I know there have been a few threads devoted to the topic, but it's been a little while, and it helps to know there are others in this huge community. 

Have you been formally diagnosed? The first time I talked about it with a therapist I bawled. I don't know what your specific issue is, but mine is pretty pervasive. I'm never not concerned with my appearance. She didn't even know what it was (the therapist, that is). Currently trying to find someone who knows their ****.


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## mike8803 (Feb 21, 2010)

rofl i have this, god damn i always look in the mirror


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## mike8803 (Feb 21, 2010)

I think some SSRI's might take care of this or help atleast.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

Yes, Not a severe case tho.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Only with my body.


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## Ayven (Jan 13, 2010)

Yes, it used to be pretty bad for me.. if I saw my reflection in mirrors while I was out in public, my anxiety would double and I'd feel rediculously disgusted with myself for the rest of the day. :|

My body image issues are centered around my size, having been overweight in my middleschool and highschool years. However, as my anxiety gets better, my body image is improving, or perhaps it's the other way around, I'm not certain. Either way, the BDD is almost under control, though my perception of myself still not 100% "normal," and I wonder if it ever will be.


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## yogaflame (Jan 18, 2010)

It's eating away at my very soul but hopefully Mirtazapine, psychotherapy, and willful undoing of these toxic thoughts will help.


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## BreakingtheGirl (Nov 14, 2009)

**


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I deal with this.


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## lippe (Apr 10, 2010)

I haven't been diagnosed with BDD but a lot of my inhibitions stem from issues related to my appearance. Like, the other day I was walking along a sidewalk quite absent-mindedly when I saw my reflection on a plate-glass window and I felt immediately self-conscious and anxious. I find myself extremely ugly although there are individual parts of my body that I like. I also feel discomfortable in fancy/fashionable clothes because I feel like they attract attention to me. I've never had anyone spontaneously compliment me on my appearance, and even if they did I probably wound't believe it.


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

I have some scars from childhood that Ive sort of struggled with.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

Ya ya, it sucks. I always need approval from other people about how I look, and even when I get, I still don't believe them. I'm an idiot. Lol.


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## ratbag (Aug 2, 2009)

I just realized that I have this, Just thinking about how I've acted all day shows how bad it is. There are so many parts of my body that I have a problem with, I feel like I'm just lopsided.


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## RobAlister (Apr 4, 2010)

I'm a little worried about my eyes but it's not body dysmorphic disorder*.
*


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## BreakingtheGirl (Nov 14, 2009)

clapyourhands said:


> The worst part for me though is not knowing what I look like to other people. It really bothers me. Do they see me like what I see on a really bad day, everyday?




This is what forces me to remove photos and videos of myself. Exactly how I feel.


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

I don't know what it is but it's there. If I were to make an inprint or be caught on camera it would be one of awkward cigarette burn effect I feel. The transition between frames of expressions isn't smooth like most peoples is. Even the quiet ones on Tinychat have to me what seems an air of dignity in the way you progress from one expression to another and the way you conduct yourselves, I don't understand it really. 

Maybe instead of thinking about "expressing myself" I should forget to do it so it comes more naturally but maybe this is the same for all of us. When I've relaxed in the past things have gone most wrong. I don't know maybe people diddn't pick at the way I looked when I wasn't thinking about it constantly, maybe that came later when my self-esteem plummeted.


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

How could your own family be so cruel?! I'm sorry to hear about this Irish.

Ok it's about time someone did this so here goes! All I see looking down this page are beautiful people(in different respects) and rabbits predominantly..


Rabbit. Beautiful. Beautiful. Repetitively blinking caffeine stimulated anime. Fat guy from the American Office. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Some cartoon out of Family Guy. A Wierwolf. Steroid enhanced squirrel-rabbit. Angry looking cartoon school kid. Beautiful. Phantom of the opera mask. A lot of rabbits. Beautiful. A boxer with his face half-obscured but a solid chin by the looks of it.

That took a while but it was worth it. Sorry if I offended anyone which the broad use of the word beautiful. I wasn't thinking liberally at all using it...


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

CandySays said:


> I always need approval from other people about how I look, and even when I get, I still don't believe them.





clapyourhands said:


> The worst part for me though is not knowing what I look like to other people. It really bothers me.


Same here.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

Think about it... there's so much truth to this saying:

*Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.*


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

I have BDD..

I think I'm very unattractive and always ask my boyfriend if he thinks I'm pretty and disagree with him. (which turns into arguments)

I have a bad tendency looking in the mirror and feeling depressed afterward


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I feel pretty bad about the red spots on my face from my skin picking. It's been getting worse and worse over the past several years. Sometimes, especially if I've recently done a lot of damage, I won't leave my apartment to go to class or anywhere else because I can't stand the thought of people seeing my face.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I'm never really sure if I have this or not. I'm kind of preoccupied with the way my face looks, and I probably think about how ugly it looks to me several times a day. Whenever I'm around people, I get really self-conscious about my face to the point that I can't think about much else. So I guess that's BDD?


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## flyinginside (Jan 19, 2010)

Yeah. My appearance has been a major source of anxiety for me since I was a preteen.


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## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

Yeah, I've been dealing with BDD since junior high, though I didn't know what it was for a few years. I'd say it probably makes up 50 to 60 percent of my anxiety, it's really quite pervasive. Therapists will always make you list you "problem areas" when you talk to them about BDD; I generally will provide a tally of the things I do like instead, as it is by far the shorter item. This nonsense used to stop me from leaving the house or get me into spots where I was "stuck" fixing my appearance for an hour or two at a time, but I've managed to improve a bit since then, thank goodness.

I do skirt around a lot of my issues with this stuff by wearing the same sorts of outfits every day and cutting out any and all styling. This practice fails to address any of the myriad underlying problems, and is super boring, but at least it gets me out the door. I'm hoping to someday work up to a happy medium between my current hastily thrown together look and my old insanely micro-managed one, but it's been tough thus far.

I've also found that these sorts of body troubles can put a huge strain on relationships. I'm mostly okay with this now (mostly), but I had an impossibly difficult time getting accustomed to the fact that people could think of me as anything besides physically repulsive for the better part of a year after I started dating. I realize now that some women have eminently absurd ideas about attractiveness, much to my benefit.

Grrrrr...... it's frustrating even writing about this. The amount of time I've spent worrying over my crazy body image fears is overwhelming at times. I won't give up on eradicating them though. I may never be completely comfortable in my own skin, but I've no doubt I'll learn to hate myself a little less if I keep working.

Also, it's always nice to hear from others who deal with the same sort of stuff. Sorry for the longish post.


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

clapyourhands said:


> I have canceled plans in the past due to my looks. I will only go out (run errands) on a good day. The moment I feel I look ok, I go for it, otherwise I would never leave the house. The worst part for me though is not knowing what I look like to other people. It really bothers me. Do they see me like what I see on a really bad day, everyday?


I'm exactly the same.

I don't think I have BDD about my body - the flaws I obsess over are real. I wish they _were_ just distorted perceptions. However, I think I do have BDD about my face. I worry about my appearance a lot and a large amount of my SA is due to feeling self-conscious about how I look to others.


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## growingwings (Apr 14, 2010)

Hi clapyourhands, 
I was diagnosed with BDD the same time I started therapy for social anxiety. I always kind of knew I had social anxiety, but getting diagnosed with BDD came out of nowhere. I just thought I was a really ugly person, and that my feelings were a natural consequence of that. Anyway, I do CBT and take an SSRI for social anxiety and BDD. Fortunately, the same treatments can work for both problems. As for not knowing what you look like to others, this thought really scares me too sometimes. My therapist said it's something I may not ever be able to know, and that it's better not to spend a whole lot of time trying to figure out how I look to others. Treatment has really helped me so far (I never would have been able to even sign up for this forum). Best of luck to you . The Broken Mirror is a good book if you need more info about BDD. I'm reading it right now, and it's helped me understand things better.


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## plastics (Apr 11, 2010)

I don't have this I don't think...but I noticed that for most of my life I think I actually believed I was better looking then I am. I know this sounds stupid, but when I see pictures of myself or something I'm totally disgusted and I'm like wtf I look like THAT!? When I look in the mirror I feel like I'm actually not that bad looking...but pictures seem totally different. I just look ugly and fat. So now I'm really weird about pictures being taken of me and I'm really concerned about my weight. I don't have an eating disorder or anything..but it just bothers me. When I look at pictures I see 343084 of things I hate. Who knows, maybe I do have this. I feel stupid saying I thought I looked better then I do, it sounds so vain..but its true. I'm weird about my teeth too because I had braces but I stopped wearing the retainer because it hurt me and the my teeth moved a little so now I have this tooth that is a little higher then the rest of my teeth and its pretty noticeable and annoying..and I obsess over it. I also obsess over the color of the teeth, because they are never really white. I guess I obsess over a lot of things with my body...it sucks.


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## xtina (Jan 3, 2010)

i struggle with this (face, body, hair) though the severity of it definitely depends on how anxious i'm feeling at the time...which seems to be constant lately.


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd (Apr 10, 2010)

I'm extremely selfconscious about my looks. It's a huge part of my SA. Everytime I'm in public and there's something with a reflection, I must look at it to see that either my hair is okay or that my clothes are fitting me okay (as I look disgusting if my clothes aren't sitting on my body in a certain way). In public, it is always on my mine. I am constantly readjusting my clothes to try and hide my hideous skeletal structure or reaching for my hair to make sure there aren't any pieces sticking up (wavy hair sucks!).

There is only certain clothes that I will wear together. A hoodie (must be unzipped) with only one pair of jeans, or a few pairs of shorts. A t-shirt with jeans is out of the question. T-shirts and shorts are okay, sometimes.

In mirrors my face doesn't look that bad but then I take a picture of myself and my chin seems horrendously crooked, which makes it really bad because when I look in the mirror I know it isn't what others see.

To me, every person is better looking than me and has a memorable face and figure (mine's forgetable and ugly). 

:sigh


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

THEuTASTEsOFeINKd said:


> I am constantly . . . reaching for my hair to make sure there aren't any pieces sticking up (wavy hair sucks!).


I constantly try to check/fix my hair when I'm in public, too.



> In mirrors my face doesn't look that bad but then I take a picture of myself and my chin seems horrendously crooked, which makes it really bad because when I look in the mirror I know it isn't what others see.


I have a noticeably asymmetrical chin which bothers me a lot and pictures tend to bring out. I wouldn't say that pictures are more accurate than the mirror, though. That kind of thing is probably more obvious in still images at specific angles, which is not what people see.



> To me, every person is better looking than me and has a memorable face and figure (mine's forgetable and ugly).


I think "forgetable" couldn't be all that ugly. I say you can only really be one, the other, or neither :b.


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## serolf (Jan 10, 2008)

.


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## Rheffera (Apr 20, 2010)

Oh my yes. Im so fat.... even though im supposedly underweight and my therapist wants me to gain weight which i think is absurd


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## hopefaith (May 9, 2010)

My therapist suggested that I suffer from this, but I don't know...I'm concerned about everything, more about my body though because I think there's legitimate concern there...


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## Georgina 22 (Jan 4, 2009)

I think I have this mildly. The only parts of myself I like is my hair and my blue eyes other than that i dislike all other parts of me lol

I am always looking in the mirror at myself whenever I go to the bathroom too

And I am very self conscious of my smile, sometimes when I do smile, I'll cover it up with my hand


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## occamsrazor (Jun 18, 2009)

I don't have body dysmorphic disorder, I just happen to be aware of the fact that I look disgusting and make people want to vomit. :teeth


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## shazzaTPM (Oct 29, 2008)

I was overweight from about 8 years old until 18 years. My New Years Resolution in 2008 was to lose weight. Over 6 months I did this through proper diet and exercise, losing 25kg. However, I also lost muscle and I entered a skinny fat syndrome. I am still unhappy with my body, though I now do weights and have built up muscle. I am most happy with my body straight after working out - probably because I'm increasing serotonin and stuff. Summer gone for the first time since I was 8 I swam with my shirt off. So, I'm making progress.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't have this but, ugly skin= ugly, so yep.


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## Melinda (Feb 5, 2009)

Haven't been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have it in some form. I can only wear my hair one way--and if I wear it another it takes literally hours to convince myself to leave the house. I hate my body, too.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I suffer from this really severely. I know all my flaws are real, but I guess the amount I obsess over it qualifies as BDD. I think my body looks deformed and disgusting because I'm so skinny, and my face and hair are monstrous. I can pick apart every single part of my body; I don't think I got one good gene. Every time I go out I feel so ashamed and figure everyone is disgusted with me. It takes me forever to get the courage to leave. I have trouble leaving the house every day because I feel so worthless. And I know how sadly shallow and self-centered this is.


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## Arisa1536 (Dec 8, 2009)

Fear not, it is actually very common 
not that it makes it fine and everything but as a female i think everyone has had a time where they felt like they could lose some weight, but i know what dysmorphic disorder feels like as i suffered bulimia as a teenager and did not get help until i piled the weight on at 20 from a constant regime of starving and exercise, to sleeping and eating and eating and eating so my body and mind did not know if or when it was hungry

the only thing which has helped me overcome this was a decent ED treatment with a support group and a psychiatrist for a period of three months then new medication and regular assessments for two years after treatment, i felt like a cloud had been lifted when i finished my group therapy and with trained psychiatrists who knew what they were talking about it certainly helped 

that is all i can advise because it worked really well with body dysmorphia and tackling the thought patterns that go with looking in the mirror and stuff


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## Lone Soul (Apr 22, 2010)

I think I have this... :sigh

Whenever I go into a clothing shop I always walk past a mirror and afraid to look because I feel disgusting... When I get chance to go into the public toilets I spend about 2 minutes in front of the mirror making sure everything about me looks ok, but it is the way I walk as well. I can't never look into a reflection of me when I am walking. I'm also obsessed with my hair, and always have to check the back, front, top, sides...


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## McMillan (Sep 7, 2009)

I also suffer from this. I went though a lot growing up. I can look back, hindsight 20/20, and think, they were just kids saying that stuff, but going through it as a kid it molded me to what I am today. A lot of my anxiety problems are about how I feel and look.


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## xtina (Jan 3, 2010)

UGH THIS IS SO OUT OF CONTROL LATELY!
i find a flaw in every single part of myself physically.
mentally as well but that's off topic.


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## Disastuh (Mar 20, 2010)

Melinda said:


> Haven't been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have it in some form. I can only wear my hair one way--and if I wear it another it takes literally hours to convince myself to leave the house. I hate my body, too.


I do this, too. I'll wear my hair a certain way for too long until someone mentions it. It doesn't take much to make me self-conscious, so eventually after much coaxing and sensitive convincing I'll do it differently, receive positive reinforcement, and then ONLY wear it that way for months thereafter.

I never decide to change something out of the blue. Someone has to suggest it first or it will take me ages to leave the house like you. But even then I'm still hesitant.


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## ItemEleven (Apr 1, 2009)

I am very confused about this disorder. Saying that all people are equally attractive is silly. Clearly some of us are less attractive than others. If you are one of the "ugly" people who realizes that they are ugly do you really have a disorder???
I mean aren't you more sane than the ugly person who thinks that he or she is super hot.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

ItemEleven said:


> I am very confused about this disorder. Saying that all people are equally attractive is silly. Clearly some of us are less attractive than others. If you are one of the "ugly" people who realizes that they are ugly do you really have a disorder???
> I mean aren't you more sane than the ugly person who thinks that he or she is super hot.


You can be realistic about your appearance without obsessing about your flaws and letting that get in the way of your life.


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## ItemEleven (Apr 1, 2009)

^^ You could say the say thing about SAS too. We are losers who obsess about being losers instead of being realistic about our lack of social skills. Not saying that we are. Just a thought.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I am. There's criteria for determining whether a person has BDD or not - some of it has to do with how much it hampers their social functioning and occupies their thoughts in terms of time. I'm forever obsessing over my jawline, and other physical flaws..how my head is too big, feet too big for my height, how ugly I look in public, etc.


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## mixolydian (May 23, 2009)

Like so many of these 'disorders', the cutoff seems to be based on the level it affects a person's functioning and quality of life. If your obsessing about your appearance is hampering your social or work functioning and is making you depressed, then you have BDD. It's all incredibly subjective.


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## Eura (Oct 29, 2005)

I deal with this. I was called fat and ugly for what seemed like everyday growing up. I was overweight until my early twenties. Since then I've been around a size 8. I get compliments on a regular basis, but I still can't get over the idea that I might just look fat. Even though the people I see everyday don't know that I was so outcast in school, I still feel ugly around other people, like every one has it better than me. I know it's ridiculous, but I can't help it.


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## hatepickingnames (May 14, 2010)

This illustrates how you can never really understand something unless you deal with it. I have known a lot of really pretty girls who had such thoughts and I could not understand...any normal person would see them and think they were attractive yet they couldn't accept it. My finacee was the same...beautiful by societal standards yet she was never happy with her looks or body. She looked the best to me when she first woke up but she felt like she was unpresentable in public without make-up. She didn't have any fat on her but hated her "fat legs". I always let her know how great she looked but I guess it didn't matter...in her eyes it was not good. It is a shame we focus so much on "image" anyway.


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## Adorkable (May 22, 2010)

This may sound weird, but I'm curious if there's anybody the same way.
When I look at my face I seem to only notice my features individually (eyes, nose, lips, etc.) I'll focus on the flaws of each feature, and for some what I like (usually my eyes, if anything at all), but my mind will be unable to comprehend the whole image of my face. So I'll find myself staring into the mirror looking at myself for long periods of time, trying to piece everything together and try to see what is in front of me and what everyone else sees. It is like trying to put together a Picasso painting.


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## hatepickingnames (May 14, 2010)

Adorkable said:


> This may sound weird, but I'm curious if there's anybody the same way.
> When I look at my face I seem to only notice my features individually (eyes, nose, lips, etc.) I'll focus on the flaws of each feature, and for some what I like (usually my eyes, if anything at all), but my mind will be unable to comprehend the whole image of my face. So I'll find myself staring into the mirror looking at myself for long periods of time, trying to piece everything together and try to see what is in front of me and what everyone else sees. It is like trying to put together a Picasso painting.


Your new avatar


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

I think I posted this in a different thread once, but this print hangs in my bedroom.


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## Adorkable (May 22, 2010)

hatepickingnames said:


> Your new avatar


Good idea. :b
And that's a beautiful print you have there, Pollster.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

It's appropriately called "Girl Before a Mirror" (Picasso).


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## stars88 (Apr 25, 2010)

I love that print. I have the same type of mirror in my room lol. 
I don't know if i have BDD , but my obsession with appearance is getting worse and worse. I feel pathetic admitting this. I literally feel a physical pain when i see a good looking female. I am so jealous i can't explain. I do fit the behaviors obsessing in front of the mirror etc. I have been dealing with this forever & very tired of this. I could go on and on..but what difference would it make. I guess it's something you fight everyday.


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## LeDiskoLove99 (Jun 7, 2010)

Yup I haven't been truly diagnosed yet so I may not count.

I'm cnvinced my headis feakishly small for my body and I despise everything about me, except my eyes, well the color anyway I have a lazy eye and it can be pretty noticeable in pictures and I hate it. All of my friends are so gorgeous and I hate to go out anywhere with them because I feel like the disgusting fat friend, nothing I do to make myself look better ever works. And I constantly drive friends insane by asking if my makeup or anything looks good, I ask at least 100 times a day.

It's gotten to the point where I'd rather kill myself than look like this. = (


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## UncertainMuffin (Sep 24, 2008)

How do you know if your insecurities are perceptions or if they're real? As much as I wish they weren't, I'm pretty sure mine are real.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

UncertainMuffin said:


> How do you know if your insecurities are perceptions or if they're real? As much as I wish they weren't, I'm pretty sure mine are real.


Of course there's some element of REAL to them. Nobody's perfect. People with BDD take one or more of those imperfections and just tend to exaggerate the severity of those imperfections and most of all how people will judge them for it. It's a bit like SA in a way. Therapy and exposure are really the only things that can help convince you people don't care about it nearly as much as you do, and hopefully help you realize ir's not as extreme as you're making it out to be.


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## serendipitydodo (Apr 11, 2010)

My mum thinks I have BDD and I think she could be right. People tell me I'm pretty and should be a model. My parents tell me people tell them they have a stunning daughter. But I just can't believe it. I really struggle with my appearance. Today has been a bad day. Sometimes I don't want to go out because I don't want anyone to see me. I hide away. I wonder if people only say the things they do to be nice or because they feel sorry for me because they know of my struggles.

I had pretty severe acne when I was at school. I felt so hideous compared to other girls who wore make-up and had comparatively flawless skin. They would ask me to lift my fringe so they could see my forehead. They were probably intrigued and persisted because I resisted. I didn't want anyone to see the purple marks on my forehead. I went on the pill when I was 16 and it's a miracle worker. My spots have cleared up and I don't really have scarring. I feel so lucky and yet, when I look in the mirror, it's like I can still see my spots. Sometimes I look for them and pick at my face so I am left with red marks. People have told me I have good skin and a healthy complextion. This astonishes me. I just don't get it.

I never wore makeup at school and was very frumpy and one guy who I admired (because he was intelligent and popular) called me 'He/she'. This was nearly ten years ago but his words still cut me up inside. People now tell me (without me telling them about what I was called) that I am as far from masculine as you can get and I do believe them on this count.

I also have a real problem with my legs. When I was a teenager, I was comfortable with my legs and would wear shorts in the summer without a second thought. Now I am convinced that my legs look purple (my blood circulation is bad) and as if they are decaying. I call them 'corned beef legs'. I have to wear tights all the time. I'm tall and have really long legs so it's a shame that I feel this way about their colour. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be free.

I remember there was a girl at school in the year above me and she had really bad acne. However, she was the most bubbly, gorgeous person. She didn't let her acne hold her back. She was so intelligent. I admired her no end. She was inspirational to me.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

If you have BDD do you constantly look at reflective surfaces whenever you have the chance in public or alone ..like if you walk by one.. or something reflective in your hand like back of ur phone or an ipod idk .. and like it's irresistable.. but not in a good way, not like you find yourself sexy as hell but you want to make sure you look "ok-ish" all the time...?


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## MisterJ25 (Nov 5, 2009)

Yeah I have this. I am sensitive about my face and my chest. I have a weird boney bump on my nose, which is nothing I am sure. My friend teased me one time and said that I had a witch nose so ever since it has bothered me. Also I had a friend wen I as a teen that said I had tits. Now I am in better shape then I was, but that crap still bugs me.


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## OldJaneLee (Jun 4, 2010)

I always tell the teenagers I work with that others don't notice your flaws as much as you do. 

I truly believe this to be true. And have experienced it... and with not just myself.

Although, I can understand, I get caught up in things that no one else cares about... 

CONTROL. Sometimes you just got to let it go...


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## stephmae (Jul 11, 2010)

I'm not exactly sure if I have BDD or not, but I used to suffer from really low self esteem which played a big part in my SA. I have a small scar on one of my cheeks that thankfully has faded to almost nothing but still drives me insane. I also think my nose doesn't suit my face well. I try not to worry about it too much because I know everyone has flaws but I just hate that both of these things are smack dab in the middle of my face and impossible to hide.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

i don't have BDD because i know that my perception it's not that bad but my insecurities towards my appearance is the whole basis of my social anxiety.

it's the reason why i have trouble meeting new people because i always worry about what i look like and what they think of me. i always feel like people laugh at me when they see me.

i always look at my reflection any chance i get but i do it secretly when i'm in public. i always ask the person i'm with if my hair looks ok because my hair has been a major problem for me.

anytime that i go out i excessively groom myself and look at myself in the mirror a couple of times before i leave. it's the reason why i'm always late.

i'm starting to feel better now and less hard on myself because i know that there's more to someone than just looks and i know that someone would like me for me and not just on my appearance.


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## Szumua (Jul 6, 2010)

Before I saw this topic I had no idea what BDD was. But now, after reading about it, I can say that _maybe _I might have it.

As long as I can remember I've avoided camera like a plague. In kindergarden I cried when they tried to took the annual photo of me. I HATE looking into mirrors, so shoping can be (well, it always is) a nightmare if there are lots of mirrors around. But if I look into one of them, I try to do it as secretly as possible.

And one day I just couldn't, couldn't leave the house to buy some milk and bread. Before I was going to leave I just looked in the mirror to make sure I was looking decent enough, but the feeling I got from looking... It was awful. I just froze and kept looking in the mirror and a mantra was going through my head "You can't go. You just CAN'T go!"... So I didn't.

And now ,while writing this, I suddenly remembered one occasion where I couldn't leave for my university entrance examination prep-course because my hair was looking awful... Is that even normal!! :get


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## anonymous259 (Nov 28, 2006)

I have thought before that I might have it, but really I think I'm just ugly and this is an excuse. I've considered it, but I think diagnosing myself with it would undermine the people who can't leave their houses or whatever =/


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## NikiW (Jun 23, 2010)

I do not know if I have BDD, and I have not seen a 'doctor' for my issues for 3 years now so it's probably something I won't investigate medically. Plus the fact I'm too embarrassed to talk to my mom about my feelings doesn't help.
But here are some of my issues:


I am constantly picking at my face (mostly chin) because if people see the bumps, it'd be worse than the scabs.
I hate when people look at my face because I know they can see all my problems, so it became a joke at work to "stare at niki" for laughs. (It doesn't bother me as much anymore but when I told them about my anxiety probs they stopped)
I pluck hairs constantly because if people see any where it shouldn't be, they'll know I'm lazy and gross. (although I tend to spend a lot of time plucking my pubic region and of course no one sees that area)
When I look in a mirror I don't look at the whole picture, I go to my "problem areas" and make sure I have enough cover-up on my face, my stomach is not sticking out AT ALL, etc.
Even though I hang out with girls bigger than me, and girls who are thin with a gut like mine (and don't seem to care that it shows in their clothing) I have to wear a body shaper under my jeans and shirt for fear they will see my stomach fat.
I only wear Victoria Secret level 4 and 5 push ups because I don't want to be the small chested one. Plus it makes my stomach area look smaller.
I spend a lot of money on Sephora for my cover-up, foundation, primer, etc to try to appear normal to others, but it doesn't help. Dior can't help me if I don't help myself first.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

It is possible I have a mild case of BDD. Or it is equally possible that the "final battle" with my self hatred has caused me to have strong insecurities about my appearance. Truth be told, I've never felt too great about my appearance. Especially the face. The reason there are few photos of me on my Facebook profile is I usually don't like how I look in photos. Now, in the mirror, sometimes, I can be okay with how I look. The self lover is rising after all. But something seems to happen in photos and the camera doesn't seem to like me.

Now, not much of this makes sense. I've dated, I've had women call me "sexy" a lot, people don't run away when I approach them and talk to them, people have fancied me, I put my photo on dating websites and got a lot of messages. So what on earth is my problem with my appearance.

Well, I'll tell you: I still believe, at some level, that my appearance is enough to counter act things like my intellect and personality. It isn't. But I fear it.

I broke me elbow earlier in the year and when they took the cast off after the five weeks they said: "can you move it?" And I couldn't straighten my arm. Then they told me I had to accept I'd probably never be able to straighten that left arm again. And, given the five am start to get to the hospital and the long car drive and this news, I burst into tears. Doubts about my appearance and now going to be wandering about the place with a deformed arm. Not that there's anything wrong with someone who has a disability. Don't get me wrong. What I mean is, in that state, it magnified my already low opinion of my looks.

The ironic thing is that the intensive physio exercise actually toned me up quite a lot and I started getting quite a few compliments from women saying how good I looked. So there's always good in the bad.

So, that's one of the issues I'm working on at the moment as part of the final battle with my self hatred.


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## allalone36 (Aug 14, 2010)

I'm pretty sure I have this as well.Its so bad i don't even bother trying to interact with people for fear of being teased or rejected because of my looks thats why there are never pics of myself anywhere online and if they are there from along distance away.I have so called friends that point out my flaws as well as ex girlfriends have as well while we're going out.I'm pretty much housebound now afraid to even get the help i want and need.I only go places if i must and when i do go out i try to go places with as few people around as possible.


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

I think i may have it, though i have yet to talk about it with my therapist so i can know for sure if i have it. I dont know if i want to bring it up or not yet. I think my beauty obsession is probably due in part to my depression and SA.

Its not that i think im ugly, on the contrary actually, i think i'm pretty, but i also have an almost obsessive need to "perfect" the things about me i think aren't proportional to the rest of me... like i need to make the prettiness perfect and flawless. :/


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I just decided to Wikipedia this disorder today, and after reading up I believe I likely do have BDD. I think I've subconsciously been avoiding the possibility, despite hearing the term thrown around from time to time, because -- and I mean no offense by this -- it seems like such an "un-manly" psychological problem to have.

Much like UncertainMuffin hinted at on the last page, I'm very confident that there's a lot of truth to my negative perceptions. In fact, something irritated me quite a bit when I read through the Wiki entry: there was a long list of possible causes, numbering well over a dozen. I kept scrolling and scrolling, waiting for an entry like "real physical inadequacies and abnormalities," only to find no such mention of any real element to this "disorder." Honestly, if this kind of head-in-the-clouds thinking is the approach therapists take in dealing with psychological problems, I feel all the more vindicated for not having wasted any money on them thus far in my independent adult life.

Anyhow, even if there are significant flaws in my appearance, the fact remains that I need to stop worrying about them so much and allowing them to lead to avoidant behaviors. I suppose that's the gist of BDD.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

Tons of people have body image issues (most, even), but VERY RARELY is it BDD. In fact, the sheer number of people on this thread who think they have it would suggest that most don't. It is severe, pervasive, and this kind of poor body image is possible even in social anxiety, and ESPECIALLY AvPD, where people are convinced that they are inherently flawed in so many ways and computely unlikeable.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

"Much like UncertainMuffin hinted at on the last page, I'm very confident that there's a lot of truth to my negative perceptions."

Well, that's obvious. Those negative perceptions are feeding off your confidence that they represent or otherwise hint towards "real" problems with your physical appearance. But since there is no ideal in terms of what a person should look like, what exactly are you judging yourself and your appearance against?

"In fact, something irritated me quite a bit when I read through the Wiki entry: there was a long list of possible causes, numbering well over a dozen. I kept scrolling and scrolling, waiting for an entry like "real physical inadequacies and abnormalities," only to find no such mention of any real element to this "disorder." Honestly, if this kind of head-in-the-clouds thinking is the approach therapists take in dealing with psychological problems, I feel all the more vindicated for not having wasted any money on them thus far in my independent adult life."

So, if someone doesn't share your view that you have some kind of "real physical inadequacy or abnormality" than it's "head in the clouds thinking"?

Again, what are you judging yourself against? Mind you, the belief system that it's ok to dislike and even hate one's appearance would need some sort of foothold. And that foothold may very well be that there must be real physical abnormalities within the appearance. Otherwise, it's just crap holding you back. And if it were just nonsense negative ideas about yourself that were holding you back then you might feel a bit weird so you need to cling onto the notion that there must be real physical inadequacies within your appearance. Even, perhaps, go so far as to create them within your own perception of yourself , judge yourself ridiculously harshly etc. And so BDD comes into play.

"Anyhow, even if there are significant flaws in my appearance, the fact remains that I need to stop worrying about them so much and allowing them to lead to avoidant behaviors. I suppose that's the gist of BDD."

Well, how do you know whether those flaws are flaws or actually exist? I mean, if you think of something about your appearance as a flaw and someone else thinks of it as a good thing about you, who is right?

What would be these significant flaws in your appearance? Will everybody else see you in the same way you see yourself? Can you really be objective about your appearance? Can anyone else?


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

There are people who have (or claim to have) BDD who are maybe conventionally attractive but don't believe it -- like people who complain that people tell them they're pretty or handsome, because they (who gave said compliments) can't possibly be sincere; they're just being polite, etc. 

And there are also people with BDD habits who have exprienced nothing but negative reinforcement on their looks their whole lives... Can it still be BDD if you've been called ugly? If your appearance has been made fun of for most of your life? If even your family criticizes your looks constantly? If you can't get members of the opposite sex to look in your direction?


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## McMillan (Sep 7, 2009)

I went through a lot as a kid, even from a few adults said things about/to me. Looking back in hindsight brushing it off seems sorda easy but going through that as a kid it molds you. To this day I can't maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds and when I do my mind goes completely blank.


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