# never been on a date



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Im 20 and ive never been on a date. Ive been asked out a few times. but i didnt like them. 

part of it is i like much older guys, so thats annoying. it would look bad, me dating a guy 10-20 years older than me, im no gold digger

its annoying because i have anxiety so i cant even get to know people and i think no one will ever want to date me


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## Music Man (Aug 22, 2009)

It'll come - you're only 20, see what happens in the next 5 years. I'm 21 and I've never been on a date and no girls have shown any interest in me at all (I don't have a lot of hope but there is still a chance).


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I'm sorry, but you have to lower your expectations, even if only to gain experience dating.

Date a couple of people who ask you out who you're not attracted to. You don't have to marry them, but date a couple people so that you get experience. Trust me, you have it a lot better than people who have never had interest shown to them. (the above poster and myself included)


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> Im 20 and ive never been on a date. Ive been asked out a few times. but i didnt like them.
> 
> part of it is i like much older guys, so thats annoying. it would look bad, me dating a guy 10-20 years older than me, im no gold digger
> 
> its annoying because i have anxiety so i cant even get to know people and i think no one will ever want to date me


I'm 31 and have never been on a date (the fact that i've only ever told one girl that I fancy them might have something to do with that, lol!)

I don't think it would look bad you dating an older guy. Hey, i'm 11 years older than you and you wouldn't look like a gold-digger dating me...i've got no money, lol! But seriously, my dad was ten years older than my mum and they were together 36 years, up until he died, and my brother is 12 years older than his wife, and they are a great couple.



vicente said:


> I'm sorry, but you have to lower your expectations, even if only to gain experience dating.
> 
> Date a couple of people who ask you out who you're not attracted to. You don't have to marry them, but date a couple people so that you get experience. Trust me, you have it a lot better than people who have never had interest shown to them. (the above poster and myself included)


I've never got this, dating someone even if you don't find yourself attracted to them. I can't imagine doing that. I was told last year by a woman at work that perhaps i'm alone because my standards are too high. I didn't get what she meant, I actually prefer down-to-earth girls, and don't think my standards are too high (not even sure i've got standards  ).

I've also never had any interest shown in me by anyone, or if I have i've not noticed it. Women seem to only like me as a friend, which on the whole is great, but I still end up alone and frustrated.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

^Same as above, add 3 years to me, and remove the age differences in family.

My dad was 21 months older than my mom, and 11 months older than my stepmom.

....my mom and her sister are 14 1/3 years apart, though - as are myself and my elder first cousin.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

vicente said:


> I'm sorry, but you have to lower your expectations, even if only to gain experience dating.
> 
> Date a couple of people who ask you out who you're not attracted to. You don't have to marry them, but date a couple people so that you get experience. Trust me, you have it a lot better than people who have never had interest shown to them. (the above poster and myself included)


sorry but the few guys that have asked me out were like ghetto punks who get in trouble with the law and do drugs and stuff. im sorry but i will not go out with guys like that. thats why i rejected them. i know about them because they are my brothers friends


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

lastofthekews said:


> I'm 31 and have never been on a date (the fact that i've only ever told one girl that I fancy them might have something to do with that, lol!)
> 
> I don't think it would look bad you dating an older guy. Hey, i'm 11 years older than you and you wouldn't look like a gold-digger dating me...i've got no money, lol! But seriously, my dad was ten years older than my mum and they were together 36 years, up until he died, and my brother is 12 years older than his wife, and they are a great couple.
> 
> ...


thanks that makes me feel better

and yeah i cannot make myself go out with someone im not attracted to. i live in an area with a lot of snobs and young men who are very shallow and apathetic and angry and i cant stand those types of guys. im very observant of people even though im quiet. young guys that arent into drugs and that are respectful stand out to me. its all on the preference


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Don't lower your standards. Being alone is a lot better than being with the wrong sort of person. Some experience is better not acquired.

I'm 29 and never been on a date. It surprises people but I don't think it's all _that_ uncommon.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> part of it is i like much older guys, so thats annoying. it would look bad, me dating a guy 10-20 years older than me, im no gold digger


I hear ya, I "suffer" from this problem as well.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> I hear ya, I "suffer" from this problem as well.


yeah its so irritating i have no desire at all to date a guy anywhere near my age. am i weird? its very embarassing and i feel guilty but i really cannot help it but then again i dont wanna die alone. i dont wanna have regrets but i cant just date any ol person it has to be someone im attracted to.someone i like and love


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah its so irritating i have no desire at all to date a guy anywhere near my age. am i weird? its very embarassing and i feel guilty but i really cannot help it but then again i dont wanna die alone. i dont wanna have regrets but i cant just date any ol person it has to be someone im attracted to.someone i like and love


i feel ya. im 21 and you sound just like me. there is nothing wrong with the fact that you prefer older guys. but i would "never" suggest to lower your standards. when you find the right guy, he won't care that you lack experience and he will appreciate you for who you are. i hate when people say "go on a bunch of wasted dates for experience." ill pass. i don't do wasted community service hours.


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## effects (Dec 21, 2009)

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men, you cant change that. Don't worry about what other people are going to think, that's their problem not yours.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

vicente said:


> I'm sorry, but you have to lower your expectations, even if only to gain experience dating.
> 
> Date a couple of people who ask you out who you're not attracted to. You don't have to marry them, but date a couple people so that you get experience. Trust me, you have it a lot better than people who have never had interest shown to them. (the above poster and myself included)


I wholeheartedly agree. A few weeks ago, I decided that I can date women without being too serious about them. So I sent a few messages to women on an online dating sight that I didn't find all that attractive and got three dates. The experience alone was worth it (but I am seeing one of them again and another wants to see me again). Perhaps you might feel that you're being unfair to them, but we have the right to be selfish. It is, after all, our lives, and we can live it as we choose. Besides, who knows, you might end up really liking one of them.

Perhaps stop looking for Mr. Perfect and look for Mr. Good-for-Right-Now? Maybe you could try asking guys out rather than letting the bad ones ask you out? It's always nice to be able to choose (when you can summon the courage).


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah its so irritating i have no desire at all to date a guy anywhere near my age. am i weird? its very embarassing and i feel guilty but i really cannot help it but then again i dont wanna die alone. i dont wanna have regrets but i cant just date any ol person it has to be someone im attracted to.someone i like and love


I've dated guys my own age and a bit younger so I'm not only focused on older guys but I've always been attracted to older men. Even in high school and university I would have massive crushes on my teachers. I don't think wanting to date older men is anything to be ashamed of, I actually find I hit it off a lot better with men who are older than 35. And when they look good at that age they look really really good.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> I've dated guys my own age and a bit younger so I'm not only focused on older guys but I've always been attracted to older men. Even in high school and university I would have massive crushes on my teachers. I don't think wanting to date older men is anything to be ashamed of, I actually find I hit it off a lot better with men who are older than 35. And when they look good at that age they look really really good.


yes, same here! young guys can be really shallow and dont appreciate us in the same way. older guys seem nicer and are easier to get along with, even though sometimes older guys can be immature too, but overall, they are nicer and more mature.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

I dunno if you can paint everyone with such broad strokes, its just a matter of taste. I've never actually legitimately dated an older man but I would love to. I just notice a trend that I always hit it off with older men.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> yes, same here! young guys can be really shallow and dont appreciate us in the same way. older guys seem nicer and are easier to get along with, even though sometimes older guys can be immature too, but overall, they are nicer and more mature.


Even though as a young guy, i feel insulted by those generalizations, if you like older guys, you should just embrace it and go date them without shame. I don't know, just hang out where you can find some, approach them if you can. As a wise one I know would say: Just tap that ****, without shame!


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

tap it.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Hoth said:


> I'm 29 and never been on a date. It surprises people but I don't think it's all _that_ uncommon.


In the general population that's definitely not common. On SAS it's a very common story though.

As for the original poster, I'm in your target age group. Any chance you live anywhere near Milwaukee?

And there is no risk of looking like a gold digger with me. I'm both a millionaire and a cheapskate, so women looking for money will not be looking at me. Actually, you'll find that a lot of people who have money are pretty thrifty -- which is why the have money. Those who openly display wealth typically have no wealth as they spent it on that display, such as a fast car that has to be fast enough to outrun the repo man.

Where did the time go? I used to be young not too long ago and now I'm an "older man." Better remember to buy some Depends and a wheel chair at this rate.:lol


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

JFmtl said:


> Even though as a young guy, i feel insulted by those generalizations, if you like older guys, you should just embrace it and go date them without shame. I don't know, just hang out where you can find some, approach them if you can. As a wise one I know would say: Just tap that ****, without shame!


you know what im not talking about you so dont feel insulted. im around young teenage guys and most of them act like little immature shallow selfish jerks. i didnt say ALL were like that i said a lot are. and youre saying to just hit on older guys? im sure id look like a fool LOL


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

UltraShy said:


> In the general population that's definitely not common. On SAS it's a very common story though.
> 
> As for the original poster, I'm in your target age group. Any chance you live anywhere near Milwaukee?
> 
> ...


no sorry im not anywhere NEAR you 
but i think a lot of girls appreciate older guys so dont worry 
and older isnt the same as OLD. older meaning, comparing ages, a guy whos 36 is "older". but i dont think youre old 

and youre right. i think many times wealthy people are frugal.

i wouldnt want to date a rich guy because they can seem arrogant and think they are teenagers. theres nothing more irritating than that. id rather date an older guy thats self sufficient and kind and just middle class, plus i dont like the idea of people buying stuff for me.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

me neither, I get so uncomfortable with gifts given to me unless its with close family. but you don't need to hit on older men, just flirt with them.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> me neither, I get so uncomfortable with gifts given to me unless its with close family. but you don't need to hit on older men, just flirt with them.


yeah i agree. i just dont want people to "buy my affection" and i couldnt care less about money, because money doesnt make a relationship and it doesnt make people happy/


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

and because of my SA im too scared to hit on anyone. i feel comfortable with guys my own age but older guys that i like im so intimidated by them


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

so what, older man are just younger man that have aged. The worse that could happen if you hit on or flirt with them is they wont be interested, but even then they will still be very flattered


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

JFmtl said:


> so what, older man are just younger man that have aged. The worse that could happen if you hit on or flirt with them is they wont be interested, but even then they will still be very flattered


they will be flattered ? i didnt know that. wow. well the biggest thing with me is i assume most older guys in the range i like are probably married. thats the scary thing. i cant imagine hitting on a guy that is married i would feel SO embarassed. i guess i have to try and scope out a wedding ring but what if he has a gf? im a bit nervous around older guys only because im attracted to them and im worried of what they think of me. the thing is i dont know HOW to flirt with them, hahaha


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

just show any kind of attention to them, an older man will lick that **** right off the floor. Tell them you like their glasses or their shoes or something.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

and, anyway, younger guys my age can already have GF too.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

If you go to a bar whose patrons tend to be older, you'll find plenty of older men that would want to date you, if only for a little while. Or perhaps go wine tasting with some friends?


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> just show any kind of attention to them, an older man will lick that **** right off the floor. Tell them you like their glasses or their shoes or something.


oh really? is it that easy. i didnt know that. i thought older guys were more picky. i guess im being too harsh


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

JFmtl said:


> and, anyway, younger guys my age can already have GF too.


oh i know. its just the older a guy is i think the better chance he is taken, ya know. and i didnt mean to offend you. ive just had horrible experiences and observations with guys my age. and i know not all of them are like that. it just seems a lot of them need to grow up and you seem like a nice guy though. also, i know there are nice mature guys my age but im not physically attracted to them either. i should have said that earlier on


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> If you go to a bar whose patrons tend to be older, you'll find plenty of older men that would want to date you, if only for a little while. Or perhaps go wine tasting with some friends?


i see. im gonna be 21 in 8 months. so we will see.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Sunnie said:


> I don't care too much for money, 'cause money can't buy me love!
> 
> Plus, people buying stuff for me is awkward. And getting it is awkward. And people asking me what I want is awkward. Me not knowing is awkward.


i agree wholly. haha. i dont even like shopping that much and trying stuff on to be honest. id rather only shop for 1-2 hours at the most. haha.

also having a guy buy me stuff would make it seem they are my parent, its like i can by my own stuff haha.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

yeah and with skyrocketing divorce rates there is actually a pretty decent chance that a lot of them are available.


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## Sabriella (Nov 23, 2009)

I'll be 20 this year and I've never been on a date either. I've only had one person ask me out, and like you, I just wasn't interested. The thought of going on a date actually freaks me out a bit as I just know how nervous I would be. But I think I want to be happier with myself before I go out with anyone. That's one of my goals for this year, to work on my self-image so that I'm not so bloody self-conscious all the time.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Sabriella said:


> I'll be 20 this year and I've never been on a date either. I've only had one person ask me out, and like you, I just wasn't interested. The thought of going on a date actually freaks me out a bit as I just know how nervous I would be. But I think I want to be happier with myself before I go out with anyone. That's one of my goals for this year, to work on my self-image so that I'm not so bloody self-conscious all the time.


yeah its really frustrating and i can relate to you. and yeah if i went out on a date with a guy my age i just wouldnt be interested and it would be more like a friendship. but if i went out on a date with an older guy id just be nervous of what he thinks of me. thats good that youre working on yourself FIRST thats the way to do it. i feel much better about myself now, i think, that like 1-2 years ago.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> oh really? is it that easy. i didnt know that. i thought older guys were more picky. i guess im being too harsh


They seem to be less picky than college guys, and many of them would jump at the chance to be with a 20-year-old girl. However, they're as likely to only want you for hooking up as guys your age are. The ones who are mature are probably more likely to prefer post-college-aged women for serious relationships. I'm not saying this to be a jerk or anything; obviously I don't mean all men.

I didn't start dating until I was 24. I didn't eventually become more competent at socializing, as I'd expected. I've been on quite a few first dates, but at 26, I've still yet to go on a second date because I'm just that bad at conversation and relating to another human being.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> They seem to be less picky than college guys, and many of them would jump at the chance to be with a 20-year-old girl. However, they're as likely to only want you for hooking up as guys your age are. The ones who are mature are probably more likely to prefer post-college-aged women for serious relationships. I'm not saying this to be a jerk or anything; obviously I don't mean all men.
> 
> I didn't start dating until I was 24. I didn't eventually become more competent at socializing, as I'd expected. I've been on quite a few first dates, but at 26, I've still yet to go on a second date because I'm just that bad at conversation and relating to another human being.


oh i already know that. thats WHY i havent asked older guys out because of how it would look and i know they probably wouldnt want a real relationship. thats why i havent asked anyone out because i might expect a relationship where they wont.

and im not into the whole "fling" type of thing. i think its pointless.

but then i think sometimes maybe there is an older guy that would want a relationship with a younger women not just for sex. so you never know.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

it depends on how mature you are, if you really hit it off then he will want a relationship with you. just like a man of any age.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

I'd be a bit worried as well that older guys talking to 20 year olds are going through a mid-life things and not really be interested in building a future. Some will, naturally, but I think most wouldn't :\ Sorry

I'm 25 now - will be 26 in April - and never been on a date. I've asked out a fair number and gotten 1 yes, but before the day came, she got a boyfriend so...
But hey, when I'm 45 I'll still be wanting a serious relationship so I guess there'll be an older guy then at least :roll


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

UltraShy said:


> Where did the time go? I used to be young not too long ago and now I'm an "older man." Better remember to buy some Depends and a wheel chair at this rate.:lol


you still have a good 30 years to go before the Depends lol.

-------------------------------

At my age i would be flattered if a young lady hit on me, but i would ask myself a lot of questions as to why she would be interested in an old forest troll like me, though.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Haven't you been on a date? :hide


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> it depends on how mature you are, if you really hit it off then he will want a relationship with you. just like a man of any age.


im a bit of an old soul. i love talking about politics and stuff like that. i get a long with older people, that are in their 30s or older, way better than with people my own age and i also feel more comfortable with older people too. its weird. part of the reason i dont fit in well with people my age,

and i just want an older guy so bad, i just am not attracted to younger guys, its like a lose lose situation here


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Logan X said:


> you still have a good 30 years to go before the Depends lol.
> 
> -------------------------------
> 
> At my age i would be flattered if a young lady hit on me, but i would ask myself a lot of questions as to why she would be interested in an old forest troll like me, though.


LOL.
see the thing is i dont even think 36 is old. a lot of times ill see a guy ill be attracted to and i find out hes like 5-10 years older than i thought. it ticks me off. im so bad at guessing ages.



IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> it depends on how mature you are, if you really hit it off then he will want a relationship with you. just like a man of any age.


im a bit of an old soul. i love talking about politics and stuff like that. i get a long with older people, that are in their 30s or older, way better than with people my own age and i also feel more comfortable with older people too. its weird. part of the reason i dont fit in well with people my age,

and i just want an older guy so bad, i just am not attracted to younger guys, its like a lose lose situation here


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

A few years ago, I accompanied my ex to a social event held inside a museum. I had no idea what to expect. It turned out to be a singles event consisting of middle class professional types looking for dates. I have no idea why we went; I suspect it was just something to do.

Anyway, most of the people there were around middle age. However, most of the men were not interested in the ones their age, leaving them standing alone to the side sipping wine, and surrounded the small number of younger ones. There was one particular young woman who had several men surrounding her. I am mostly blind to age, but still noticed what was happening because it was not at all subtle.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> A few years ago, I accompanied my ex to a social event held inside a museum. I had no idea what to expect. It turned out to be a singles event consisting of middle class professional types looking for dates. I have no idea why we went; I suspect it was just something to do.
> 
> Anyway, most of the people there were around middle age. However, most of the men were not interested in the ones their age, leaving them standing alone to the side sipping wine, and surrounded the small number of younger ones. There was one particular young woman who had several men surrounding her. I am mostly blind to age, but still noticed what was happening because it was not at all subtle.


i think a lot of girls are drawn to those confident, rich, business men type. not me, i mean i like a smart guy that dresses well but i wouldnt want to date a really rich guy. just an average guy. but they have to dress nice  hahaha. so this doesnt surprise me, but i feel bad for those gold diggers. yeah i mean youll be financially secure...temporarily. but youll be stuck with someone you dont really love. id rather be poor and in love than rich and miserable.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Sunnie said:


> Why are people not discussing this more; I liked this thread...


i have no idea. i noticed a lot of people on here have sa and also havent been on a date and they are older.

but my not dating is more liking guys way older. if i cant have an older guy i dont want to date. i cannot be forced into being attracted to younger guys. its a lose lose situation here


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Even when you get the date, it usually doesn't go anywhere from there. You'll end up disappointed after, or maybe after the 3rd or 4th date if you're lucky..
But that's just the worst option. :] I believe that out of the billions and billions for people on the earth there is someone for everybody!


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> i have no idea. i noticed a lot of people on here have sa and also havent been on a date and they are older.
> 
> but my not dating is more liking guys way older. if i cant have an older guy i dont want to date. i cannot be forced into being attracted to younger guys. its a lose lose situation here


Perhaps this is just typical male logic speaking, but the reason that I haven't really responded is because it seems that you've explored the problem here enough and what is going on here is obvious. 1. You prefer older men exclusively (in the way that some people prefer only good looking people or only smart people), but 2. you find it difficult to initiate or make yourself available to them. It seems that if you want to be with someone, either #1 or #2 will have to change. Which do you want to change?


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

I'm 23 and never been on a date. I've only had two guys ask me out in real life, didn't like either of them. I'm not picky or have ridiculous standards either. 

I just don't know where to meet guys. I've tried the internet and that hasn't worked so far. I really just want to ask someone to find someone for me, it seems so much easier, but also a lot riskier. 

I'm so frustrated about this lately. :bash


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> Even when you get the date, it usually doesn't go anywhere from there. You'll end up disappointed after, or maybe after the 3rd or 4th date if you're lucky..
> But that's just the worst option. :] I believe that out of the billions and billions for people on the earth there is someone for everybody!


i dont necessarily think thats true. i gotta try sometime though.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Perhaps this is just typical male logic speaking, but the reason that I haven't really responded is because it seems that you've explored the problem here enough and what is going on here is obvious. 1. You prefer older men exclusively (in the way that some people prefer only good looking people or only smart people), but 2. you find it difficult to initiate or make yourself available to them. It seems that if you want to be with someone, either #1 or #2 will have to change. Which do you want to change?


i understand why you didnt reply anymore. i think this thread relates more to either girls around my age who have the same problem or older men who could give their two cents. i mean i have absolutely nothing against younger guys. my problem is that im not even attracted to the younger guys that are nice and mature, thats the thing. its really weird. and obviously i cannot help who i like so im gonna have to be more outgoing. its tough though because i feel guilty for liking older guys. but then i dont wanna date a guy im not attracted to just because hes closer to my age. its a tough situation.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

IcoRules said:


> I'm 23 and never been on a date. I've only had two guys ask me out in real life, didn't like either of them. I'm not picky or have ridiculous standards either.
> 
> I just don't know where to meet guys. I've tried the internet and that hasn't worked so far. I really just want to ask someone to find someone for me, it seems so much easier, but also a lot riskier.
> 
> I'm so frustrated about this lately. :bash


it is frustrating. at the community college i go to, most of the guys are like 17-18 so theres even less of a choice. it seems there arent that many young guys in my area. i wouldnt try internet dating i dont trust it. but yeah it is frustrating. it seems to me the easiest way to meet guys is be more active in churches, clubs, etc cause obviously dating at work might cause problems


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> i understand why you didnt reply anymore. i think this thread relates more to either girls around my age who have the same problem or older men who could give their two cents. i mean i have absolutely nothing against younger guys. my problem is that im not even attracted to the younger guys that are nice and mature, thats the thing. its really weird. and obviously i cannot help who i like so im gonna have to be more outgoing. its tough though because i feel guilty for liking older guys. but then i dont wanna date a guy im not attracted to just because hes closer to my age. its a tough situation.


Good, that's the first step: to realize that to get what you want, you're going to have to change how you interact with people. It sounds like you simply get too nervous around older men (I'm the same way with pretty women my own age). The solution is to expose yourself to interacting with older me, speaking with them, and eventually having a conversation with them. After repeated exposure, and after realizing that you didn't die after the interaction, you'll become more comfortable speaking to them. Start by asking a passing older man on campus (a professor or someone) what time it is or for directions (even if you don't need it). Do that as much as you can (force yourself and reward yourself if you do). When you're comfortable with that, try talking to a professor during office hours. Then try sitting next to an older man in a coffee shop and starting a conversation with him. This is where I'm at with my own anxiety with pretty women, and it works. The next step is to talk to a woman at a bar and then to ask a woman on a date.

I would recommend that you use online dating, too. You would be very popular among older men, especially if you specify that you want older men and you send the initial messages to them. There are ways you can protect yourself: don't let him pick you up for the first date, meet in a coffee shop or other place with lots of people, and don't give him your address until you're sure he won't kidnap you.

A thought just occurred to me: are you simply looking for people to empathize with your situation or are you looking for a solution? Sorry if I'm intruding on your thread by offering a solution.


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## NemoNevermore (Aug 7, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> i understand why you didnt reply anymore. i think this thread relates more to either girls around my age who have the same problem or older men who could give their two cents. i mean i have absolutely nothing against younger guys. my problem is that im not even attracted to the younger guys that are nice and mature, thats the thing. its really weird. and obviously i cannot help who i like so im gonna have to be more outgoing. its tough though because i feel guilty for liking older guys. but then i dont wanna date a guy im not attracted to just because hes closer to my age. its a tough situation.


The entire wanting to date older guys thing really isn't that unusual. It's a universal trait across all cultures that makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Good, that's the first step: to realize that to get what you want, you're going to have to change how you interact with people. It sounds like you simply get too nervous around older men (I'm the same way with pretty women my own age). The solution is to expose yourself to interacting with older me, speaking with them, and eventually having a conversation with them. After repeated exposure, and after realizing that you didn't die after the interaction, you'll become more comfortable speaking to them. Start by asking a passing older man on campus (a professor or someone) what time it is or for directions (even if you don't need it). Do that as much as you can (force yourself and reward yourself if you do). When you're comfortable with that, try talking to a professor during office hours. Then try sitting next to an older man in a coffee shop and starting a conversation with him. This is where I'm at with my own anxiety with pretty women, and it works. The next step is to talk to a woman at a bar and then to ask a woman on a date.
> 
> I would recommend that you use online dating, too. You would be very popular among older men, especially if you specify that you want older men and you send the initial messages to them. There are ways you can protect yourself: don't let him pick you up for the first date, meet in a coffee shop or other place with lots of people, and don't give him your address until you're sure he won't kidnap you.
> 
> A thought just occurred to me: are you simply looking for people to empathize with your situation or are you looking for a solution? Sorry if I'm intruding on your thread by offering a solution.


Im looking for girls that are in a similar position as me AND a solution. id thought id make the thread to see if any girls with SA dont date and maybe like older guys

you give very good tips, i wish you luck with women

the online thing i can still never trust  thats just me

and also; getting a job has helped. im much less shy now that im 20 then when i got my job at age 17. theres a lot of older nicer guys there to talk to and that helps, getting more comfortable with them

i just cannot get over the guilt for liking them. and yet we cannot help who we are attracted to. its a tough situation lol.

maybe i need a guy who is young but looks older? haha


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## Wish2beMySelf (Jan 19, 2010)

zephys said:


> I'm 25 now - will be 26 in April - and never been on a date.


Same here. I'm 25 now will be 26 on August. Never been on a date, never have girl friends. Some ppl asked me a lot, "How come I never see you with your girl friend?"...Even worse, one of my friend telling jokes that I'm a gay. I don't mean to insult gay, but I just felt that joke is not funny at all. :no


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

Wish2beMySelf said:


> Same here. I'm 25 now will be 26 on August. Never been on a date, never have girl friends. Some ppl asked me a lot, "How come I never see you with your girl friend?"...Even worse, one of my friend telling jokes that I'm a gay. I don't mean to insult gay, but I just felt that joke is not funny at all. :no


If you were gay, wouldn't they see you with a boyfriend? Those kinds of "jokes" don't make sense at all.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

If you are under the age of, say 40-45, I really wouldn't be worrying about it. But if you were still in this state in your late thirties, early forties, then I would REALLY start to be worrying, especially if you are a woman who wishes to get married and have children.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

many times i really think i will never get married and no one wants me. icant see myself with someone my age at all. i think im too screwed up to be in a relationship


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> many times i really think i will never get married and no one wants me. icant see myself with someone my age at all. i think im too screwed up to be in a relationship


Hey applehearts . You know first off I just want to say that you remind me of myself in what ur going through. Let me start off by saying that the fact that u like older guys is NOT A PROBLEM. I don't understand why anyone would really think that this is a problem. If u look around, u will see so many, many relationships with age gaps. So what if u like older guys more than ten to twenty years older than u, it doesn't mean that u r mentally screwed up. Look at all the celebrity relationships out there. It seems to me that the mean age gap is 10 years age difference. Really, i don't understand y anyone will question anyone's preference. You will see people that like to date taller people, or shorter, thin, or overweight, muscular, older, younger, the list goes on and on.

I have a huge family and part of a large arab community in southern California, and all the arab girls marry all the older guys and they are not interested in younger guys because of maturity and other factors. A lot of people think that people want to marry older for money. Heck no, the many arabs I know are all rich, both the girls and the guys. The girls are supported by their parents even if they are married. All the weddings I have been to dealt with marriage from 3 years age difference to up to 20+ years and nobody thought it was weird or wrong or a problem, because it is quite common. God, if I got a nickel for all the times I heard relatives of mine say so and so who is more than ten years older than them as being really cute and how they would so like to make out and do other things to them, lol, I would have have made a lot of money, lol.

Anyways, I said earlier that I am quite like u in many ways. I fear that I may never get married, and don't know what my future holds. I like younger women from the 18-21 age group and I don't see my preference changing anytime soon, and I am so attracted to women at this age for many reasons. No one knows that I have a preference for this age group, but my cousins girlfriend tried to hook me with this girl who was 18 and I was 25, it never led to a date for certain reasons but thats not important, and she hooked up my cousin who was 20 with this guy who was 33. Most girls I have ever met have crushes on my cousin who is 35. These girls are all from 13 and up. I don't understand y anyone tells anyone they can't be attracted to anyone younger or older. Every red blooded straight human male that I ever met has a crush on Megan Fox, Jessics Alba, Angelina Jolie, among many others regardless of whether they are older or younget than that person. It is all simply biological. Age doesn't matter when it comes to sexual attraction between men and women.

Of course for me, my biggest concern is that I am getting older and I fear losing my looks over time. I feel I am at my prime and I never looked better, and I want to date the girls that I am attracted to before I get older because I feel I will lose my good looks over time. While age doesn't matter I feel that there has to be physical attraction between people before a relationship can start. Basically, what I am trying to say is that age doesn't matter, but apparently looks matter to a lot of people, and I believe that if I am still as goodlooking at 35 as I am now, then I feel I won't have a problem if I am still interested in younger women, and I will pursue it, because I don't have a problem being attracted to younger women, it is biological. If u look at my previous threads, I used to be concerned about what people may think of me dating someone younger but I lost all that care because nobody really thinks its wrong, at least people that matter, and I still look like I am 20. All those A holes that tell u thats its wrong are the people that comment on it online. Don't listen to the [email protected]$&es at yahoo answes, I swear all they want to do is make feel miserable. I got to go but I just want to tell u good luck, and pursue ur desires, just don't do anything I wouldn't do like get involved in drugs or other things. Stay hopeful and pursue your dreams. I wish u the best


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

sabueed said:


> Hey applehearts . You know first off I just want to say that you remind me of myself in what ur going through. Let me start off by saying that the fact that u like older guys is NOT A PROBLEM. I don't understand why anyone would really think that this is a problem. If u look around, u will see so many, many relationships with age gaps. So what if u like older guys more than ten to twenty years older than u, it doesn't mean that u r mentally screwed up. Look at all the celebrity relationships out there. It seems to me that the mean age gap is 10 years age difference. Really, i don't understand y anyone will question anyone's preference. You will see people that like to date taller people, or shorter, thin, or overweight, muscular, older, younger, the list goes on and on.
> 
> I have a huge family and part of a large arab community in southern California, and all the arab girls marry all the older guys and they are not interested in younger guys because of maturity and other factors. A lot of people think that people want to marry older for money. Heck no, the many arabs I know are all rich, both the girls and the guys. The girls are supported by their parents even if they are married. All the weddings I have been to dealt with marriage from 3 years age difference to up to 20+ years and nobody thought it was weird or wrong or a problem, because it is quite common. God, if I got a nickel for all the times I heard relatives of mine say so and so who is more than ten years older than them as being really cute and how they would so like to make out and do other things to them, lol, I would have have made a lot of money, lol.
> 
> ...


Hello, thanks for your very kind and insightful post here  i appreciate it

youre right i have seen a lot of young arab girls with older guys. i think its more accepted in your culture. and yeah a lot of young celebrities date older guys. im just worried about what my mom will think. people always say "it wont work because its too big of an age gap" and all this stuff about age gap relationships. but it does seem that naturally, many older guys do like younger girls. there has to be a reason for that. my dad was 10 years older than my mom.

i also worry that once im 30 no guy will want to date me because im getting older and all of this stuff and if im not married by that age people will think im weird.

im just thinking: im 20 now and havent dated yet i better get started. but it has to be with someone im physically attracted to. its just a tough situation

thats good that you look young for your age 

its just weird because ive heard so many girls thinking its gross or wrong to date older guys but i really cannot help it! it isnt something i can control at all and i have nothing against younger guys i just cannot make myself like them

thanks for your post

and yeah people on yahoo answers are utterly immature and they post rubbish answers

dont worry i have NO desire to do drugs or anything like that...

thanks


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> Hello, thanks for your very kind and insightful post here  i appreciate it
> 
> youre right i have seen a lot of young arab girls with older guys. i think its more accepted in your culture. and yeah a lot of young celebrities date older guys. im just worried about what my mom will think. people always say "it wont work because its too big of an age gap" and all this stuff about age gap relationships. but it does seem that naturally, many older guys do like younger girls. there has to be a reason for that. my dad was 10 years older than my mom.
> 
> ...


I learned over the years that everyone is a hypocrite. All these girls that tell you that its not right to be attracted to older men probably have a crush on Brad Pitt, George Clooney, etc, and many more older men out there. My cousin's friend used to find it funny that my other friend was dating someone 4 years younger than him, but what do you know, she hooked up with a guy 12 years older than her. What would people know whether a relationship won't work because of the age gap. Last I heard the divorce rate was greater than 50%, so who are all those people to comment on what would work and what wouldn't.

You are still 20, you have lots of time left, you're twenties are the prime of developing relationships, but even at 30 I think you will still find many guys out there that will be interested in you. You are not weird for not being married when you reach 30. But really I know how you must feel, I also really hate to age, I hate getting older because I missed out on so much in life regarding relationships and dating, which is one of the reasons why I am attracted to younger women. I am 25 but look anywhere from 16 -21 to the majority of people so I feel like I still have a few more years to be able to date the girls of the age group I am interested in before I get older and slowly lose my good looks to them, although I feel I may be good looking, and had people tell me that, I feel it's hard for me because I am short and thin. But I am getting out more because for me I feel like time is ticking, but for you, you still have lots of time left, take advantage of it. And listen to your heart, not what society tells you, because they are screwed up in the head. According to society, doing drugs is okay, but being a virgin isn't. Really stupid way of thinking society has. Best wishes


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

sabueed said:


> I learned over the years that everyone is a hypocrite. All these girls that tell you that its not right to be attracted to older men probably have a crush on Brad Pitt, George Clooney, etc, and many more older men out there. My cousin's friend used to find it funny that my other friend was dating someone 4 years younger than him, but what do you know, she hooked up with a guy 12 years older than her. What would people know whether a relationship won't work because of the age gap. Last I heard the divorce rate was greater than 50%, so who are all those people to comment on what would work and what wouldn't.
> 
> You are still 20, you have lots of time left, you're twenties are the prime of developing relationships, but even at 30 I think you will still find many guys out there that will be interested in you. You are not weird for not being married when you reach 30. But really I know how you must feel, I also really hate to age, I hate getting older because I missed out on so much in life regarding relationships and dating, which is one of the reasons why I am attracted to younger women. I am 25 but look anywhere from 16 -21 to the majority of people so I feel like I still have a few more years to be able to date the girls of the age group I am interested in before I get older and slowly lose my good looks to them, although I feel I may be good looking, and had people tell me that, I feel it's hard for me because I am short and thin. But I am getting out more because for me I feel like time is ticking, but for you, you still have lots of time left, take advantage of it. And listen to your heart, not what society tells you, because they are screwed up in the head. According to society, doing drugs is okay, but being a virgin isn't. Really stupid way of thinking society has. Best wishes


so you think a lot of girls really like older men but just deny it? i never really knew that. i thought i was just weird. its weird no matter how i try i cant see myself with a guy my own age! its hard because im trying to find ways to spend time with older guys without actually dating them. just their company alone can be great.

im just worried because it seems some guys only like younger girls and that once im 30 guys will only want the 23 yr olds instead of me. because of how judgemental society can be. i dunno i just am very worried.

thats cool that you look so young so you can use that to your advantage

thanks a lot for your insight its very encouraging  take care.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> so you think a lot of girls really like older men but just deny it? i never really knew that. i thought i was just weird. its weird no matter how i try i cant see myself with a guy my own age! its hard because im trying to find ways to spend time with older guys without actually dating them. just their company alone can be great.
> 
> im just worried because it seems some guys only like younger girls and that once im 30 guys will only want the 23 yr olds instead of me. because of how judgemental society can be. i dunno i just am very worried.
> 
> ...


Your welcome , I think you have lots of time, you are only twenty. Live life to the fullest. Just put yourself out there and everything will follow. Gain practice talking to people at the very least and you will start feeling better about yourself.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

sabueed said:


> Your welcome , I think you have lots of time, you are only twenty. Live life to the fullest. Just put yourself out there and everything will follow. Gain practice talking to people at the very least and you will start feeling better about yourself.


thats true. i started the new semester of college. everyones like 18. i try to be attracted to guys this age and i really i just cannot. part of it is most of the guys are wanna be hood rats and theyre mostly into partying and stuff. and that is also a turn off. i guess ill have to talk to older guys then


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