# Women wearing the pants in the relationship: sustainable?



## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

My parents have been friends with other couples for a long time.

In the last 4 years, a good chunk of them have gone through divorce - not surprising with the 50% divorce rate after all. I just heard of the latest separation two weeks ago.

My mom maintains ties with the ex-wives, and since she loves to gossip in the presence of my aunt & grandmother, I get to hear of all the breakup drama in crispy details.

Interestingly, all these divorces share similarities: the wife was the one wearing the pants in the relationship, and the wife was the one taking the decision to end the marriage. The husbands didn't have SA, as far as I know, but they were rather passive, submissive introverts, and that led to their demise.

Hearing what the ex-wives had to say about their ex-husbands would make plenty of male SASers grind their teeth. Comments along the lines of:

"_He didn't have much authority over the kids, he was too sensitive, why couldn't he just be a real man?_"

"_I always had to take initiatives, and he wasn't talkative enough, he was just so boring. This couldn't go on._"

"_He was a wimp. I regret cheating on him, but I needed to. The other man I was seeing was much more fun and adventurous; it was liberating._"

The last ex-husband to date is in a deep depression, has completely socially isolated himself and has turned to alcoholism after his wife left him for that "_fun adventurous_" guy.

Witnessing these real-life examples of old grownups breaking up in messy ways reenforces my cynical and old-fashioned views on relationships. The man has to be strong, and has to be a leader in the relationship. I better stay clear of these, until I can somehow "be a real man", if that day ever comes.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

those couples weren't right for each other from the start. I believe that love can last a lifetime, they picked the wrong partner, or weren't ready themselves, don't know how to love, careless... SA is the very least cause of those relationship failures, and you would never know considering people like to blame the other person, so the women are blaming their exes which isn't shocking, such awful people.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

neither of us will be wearing pants

sustainable


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where one person was clearly 'wearing the pants'


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

lolwut, women don't want wimpy, insecure, manlets, big surprise there. Doesn't mean they want the complete opposite or a "leader" either. Ha. Try just being an interesting, fun, and normal guy.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I love women who wear pants. Especially baggy pants. There's something I love about the things left to the imagination there.


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## LouiseLane (Mar 15, 2015)

Is there is only one pair of pants?


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## PathologicalSigher (Mar 22, 2015)

This is precisely why I'm skeptical when someone claims to be "forward-thinking" and "progressive" when it comes to gender roles. They're usually full of crap. "Forward-thinking" and "progressive" generally mean "I want to exempt myself from certain social expectations but still apply those expectations to others."


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)




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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Mr Bacon said:


> Hearing what the ex-wives had to say about their ex-husbands would make plenty of male SASers grind their teeth. Comments along the lines of:
> 
> "_He didn't have much authority over the kids, he was too sensitive, why couldn't he just be a real man?_"
> 
> ...


Didn't the wives notice some of those things...oh....BEFORE they married those guys?


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

I think either member of a couple being too controlling of the other can lead to divorce. It's not just women. It could work the other way around too with a wife getting too fed up because she thinks her husband is controlling everything too much. In fact, I know plenty of couples who divorced precisely because the husband was like that.

As for not whatever they were apparently saying about the husbands, I would get being frustrated if your husband couldn't control the kids, which is what it seems like that first one is saying. That's just expecting someone to discipline and not doing it all yourself. At least as far as I can tell from that comment.

And is it honestly surprising that a lot of people who wound up divorced would say things about their exes being boring or just complaining or whatever? I don't think that's a realistic portrayal of what women in general want because of course the majority of people who went through a divorce will have negative things to say about the person they divorced.

Plus, if you're getting this from your mom, then it would make sense that she's getting more of a female perspective. You're not hearing what the men who get divorced have to say about their exes.

Ideally, in my opinion, neither member would "wear the pants" and things would instead be more equal. Based on the couples I know in real life, those are the ones that work best.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

In other words, if you're a weak doormat you're going to become boring and your partner is going to seek greener pastures. Can't say I'd be overly happy in a relationship where I felt my partner was weak and took little initiative in their life.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I think the next wave of feminism should focus on changing both men's and women's attitudes about MEN.

I think that the reason why so many financially successful women have trouble in finding men is because a.) they still look for men who are more financially successful than they are and b.) men think they're not man enough for these women because she makes more than he does.

Thanks to feminism, women don't need men financially. But what to do with the natural urges to find an attractive male partner?


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

hmweasley said:


> And is it honestly surprising that a lot of people who wound up divorced would say things about their exes being boring or just complaining or whatever? I don't think that's a realistic portrayal of what women in general want because of course the majority of people who went through a divorce will have negative things to say about the person they divorced.
> 
> .


 Yeah! How many people say their ex was a wonderful person after a divorce?


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## whwt (Mar 19, 2015)

No. Women and Wimps have created this mess.

And Women are in the process of reversing the stupidities done by their Mothers/Aunts/Grandmothers.

The tables have turned on the women and they don't like being the one chained to the desk the rest of their lives.

Interesting note. NOW says that the better parent to raise the kids is the father. That is their official position.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

IDK but my mom is always going on about how she hates wimps.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

That seems very consistent to what many women don't find attractive. I don't know if it's necessarily wearing the pants in the relationship, but most women do like their men to have masculine traits.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

It always surprises me how many people manage to be so bad at choosing marriage partners.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Studies have shown this particular issue is very grave in Scotland and warrants immediate action to restore the natural order of things. Aye.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

with every couple i know the woman "wears the pants" in some areas and defers to the husband on others. it's a matter of extent rather than a simple dominant-submissive dynamic. and in any case i suspect what you see on the outside might differ drastically from what actually goes on between the couple in private. i know women who rely on their husbands for everything, and despite that the man would never dream of messing with her: it never rains but it pours, as the old saying goes.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

TicklemeRingo said:


> It always surprises me how many people manage to be so bad at choosing marriage partners.


hmm, people change over time and the reason why people divorce doesn't tend to be apparent at the start of the marriage more often than not.

Besides from that I think it's more to do with the romanticized notion we have of marriage nowadays... and yes, spoiler alert - that strong emotional high you get with someone is not always going to be there. Routine and monotony does that to any relationship. You add in our generation's impulsiveness and short term mindset and you have a rather potent mix.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

"Nothing makes a woman angrier than a weak man, and nothing makes a man weak like an angry woman"


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

funnynihilist said:


> "Nothing makes a woman angrier than a weak man, and nothing makes a man weak like an angry woman"


best quote evar. who/where is this from?


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

bad baby said:


> best quote evar. who/where is this from?


can't remember, some dude on the internet said it :/


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

moloko said:


> Studies have shown this particular issue is very grave in Scotland and warrants immediate action to restore the natural order of things. Aye.


What's the issue: Men being weak? Divorce? or Women not liking weak men?


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Just because your an introvert doesn't mean your not manly. me....hello!!!


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Jesuszilla said:


> What's the issue: Men being weak? Divorce? or Women not liking weak men?


Women wearing the pants, men wearing the skirts. Or kilts, whatever. Minor details.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where one person was clearly 'wearing the pants'


I concur with this, that's why they call it "finding your partner" so I think this whole pants wearing thing is fallacious.

Theoretically both partners would bring something to the table and they'd help each other out. Perhaps from the outside looking in, no onlooker could perceive just what the hell is so mutual between a specific couple. Yet in the grand scheme of things, other people won't freakin' matter as long as they both truly cared for each other.

Every time I hear someone complain that they do everything in a relationship or nothing, it tells me that they themselves are thinking they either think very less of their partner or less of themselves, appreciation for both yourself and your partner is imperative to have if you want things to last longer than a few months. Otherwise people who fail to do so are literally going through the motions and the relationship is on life support, that's not cool, people should have more pride and dignity to know they should never settle for mediocrity if they can help it.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

No way, she's going to wear skirts :3


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Sacrieur said:


> No way, she's going to wear skirts :3


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Pants are overrated.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)




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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

lesbians: sustainable?

anything is sustainable if you both want it to be. plus can't really reduce a relationships to pants. she may be wearing pants but i'm wearing this nice jacket.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It definitely wouldn't work for me. I have to lead.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

We both should be wearing shorts.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

gopherinferno said:


> We both should be wearing shorts.


More like we should both be wearing nothing. :yes


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

LouiseLane said:


> Is there is only one pair of pants?


there is only one pair and they are JNCOs. they are tremendous and the unhappy couple stands there in the JNCO jeans, their backs to one another, stretching out the waistband with their thumbs like they do in the "after" photograph of weight loss commercials


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Mr Bacon said:


> My parents have been friends with other couples for a long time.
> 
> In the last 4 years, a good chunk of them have gone through divorce - not surprising with the 50% divorce rate after all. I just heard of the latest separation two weeks ago.
> 
> ...


Well, this is exactly why I am not in a relationship. I am not going to fall for that crap. My brother has and he was always the headstrong one. I don't get it! I thought I would be the one in that kind of relationship, but it's completely reversed.

Whether the women I date like it or not, I will stand up and take initiative. I expect them to respect that and not get feminazi about that or they get an S O S - Step Off Sistah!

That doesn't mean I do everything; that is NOT what I am saying. I am not stupid, but I do need to know how to run a house. I own one.


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

flarf said:


> there is only one pair and they are JNCOs. they are tremendous and the unhappy couple stands there in the JNCO jeans, their backs to one another, stretching out the waistband with their thumbs like they do in the "after" photograph of weight loss commercials


WE LOST 86 POUNDS OF PURE SPIRIT ENERGY they both say. our souls have been turned into skeletons! the zipper fly slides down slowly and a fully formed baby emerges


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

Yeah, most women don't like men who are quiet and passive. You would think this is one website where this would be known.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

It's best to take turns wearing the pants. Also; don't marry too young or out of obligation.


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## BudBrownies (May 4, 2013)

I have read and watch countless videos on this subject. 

All the pros agree. It's the number 1 sin a man can do in a relationship.

Women crave. Alpha Males and are turned off by Beta Males.

They preach to men to portray an image of strength and not to reveal your weakness to her. She is your girlfriend. She isn't your mom or therapist.

They go on to say that Women are turned off by weak men

Almost always the respect, intimacy, worshiping the man takes a major set back in the relationship/

In extreme cases that aren't being fixed. This leads to her going Cold on you, dumping you, because there is always someone ready to be the man if you aren't and she will seek it, if she isn't getting it at home.

Don't appear to needy, weak and so on. Important if you want lots of sex and a girlfriend that's crazy about you.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

BudBrownies said:


> I have read and watch countless videos on this subject.
> 
> All the pros agree. It's the number 1 sin a man can do in a relationship.
> 
> ...


Lots of sex with a woman who gives no ****s about your emotional well being. That's not worth it.


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

Recent posts in here uke the only man who could ever deserve worship is Jesus. What a gross relationship ideal, worshiping a man HA!

I'm glad men are so eager to keep me informed about what I find attractive, I keep forgetting.


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

Only if she does not expect me to wash them.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

It's fine. At the end of the day, both know who is the penetrator and who is the penetratee.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Well, this is exactly why I am not in a relationship. I am not going to fall for that crap. My brother has and he was always the headstrong one. I don't get it! I thought I would be the one in that kind of relationship, but it's completely reversed.
> 
> Whether the women I date like it or not, I will stand up and take initiative. I expect them to respect that and not get feminazi about that or they get an* S O S - Step Off Sistah!*
> 
> That doesn't mean I do everything; that is NOT what I am saying. I am not stupid, but I do need to know how to run a house. I own one.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

She's going to have to wear the pants. I'm already wearing a skirt.

We'll never be a traditional 50s couple if she disturbs the eternal harmony of the pants/skirt continuum.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

I think the problem is that peopel are getting married for the sake of getting married. They are not taking time to get to know smoeone fully.


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## DeniseAfterAll (Jul 28, 2012)

Everybody should know how to put on some pants. No matter which gender you are.. there is no excuse for bring a Wimp. The fittest survive.. the weak die out and suck bananas.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I think people should stop living in a dream world, and come to accept that the majority of relationships / marriages won't last longer than 10-12 years.

People can come up with whatever peculiar justifications they want, but realistically its probably not going to pan out for the long haul whatever they do, and whatever they are like.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I dunno, I kind of like being submissive so yeah...she can wear the pants for all I care.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I love women who wear pants. Especially baggy pants. There's something I love about the things left to the imagination there.


It might be a penis.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

I think the way society is, it's really a bad idea as a man to get married. Women in this forum may try to rip my throat out over this but let's be real. Apparently women want men who is assertive, as if being a nice human being is a sin. Honestly if you're male just don't take a woman seriously like ever relationship wise, unless you know that she has accepted that you're not assertive and enjoys a nice shy guy. Honestly I am happy being a shy, happy, kind person and I'll never tie down with a woman all the way.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I love women who wear pants. Especially baggy pants. There's something I love about the things left to the imagination there.





Kind Of said:


> It might be a penis.


 It might be but most men are just not that pretty. Crossdressers and trannies are hot in their own way but you can usually spot them without checking down below.

Anyway, funny but that's not what I meant.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

There are cultures where females have authoritarian roles for the tribe and family unit. With plenty of respect for their male counterpart in the process. 

I think 'wearing the pants' is a term used in a loose/light context. Those women the OP describe sound like petulant, toxic, 'it's all about me' types. Indeed someone who can't sustain much. Just the kind of person who puts on a act just to keep their day job or 'status' but shows her true colors in a comfort zone.


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## WhiteKitty (Jun 4, 2014)

It is true that woman want a man to at least be strong or be willing to protect her. Whether or not I ever would like it true to admit being 'weak' since I admire those military woman characters, us woman are physically weaker on average than most men, and many guys would like to mess with woman in horrible ways and take advantage of a girl alone at night (of course)---so it is only natural and expected she wants a guy who she can rely on. 

Aside this, just find some kind of hobby that drives you as a person (aside just videogames--games are a fun hobby, but you need to have one in the outside world too). If you only live your day to day without a strive for anything aside just money or a coffee, you are living that zombie life most modern people have even if they are "mentally healthy". 
I would know, because even if I love my partner, I still think about those qualities some guys have where they have a life passion and drive to do something with themselves--breaking out of the mold and living a more real life and a less fake one. It is not about showing no weakness or having no emotions----but whether she can rely on you when she is having weakness or feeling crappy....if you have no emotion, you may as well be a robot lol.


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## flamestwind (Oct 18, 2014)

Wow, never read so many bad jokes about pants in my life. 

On topic: I think a lot of people don't see the difference between being a shy, quiet, kind and introvert vs a freaking doormat. Sure a lot of guys that are shy etc can be a doormat, that doesn't mean all are. If you cannot take care of your kids then on you. Where I see myself failing is at being assertive and spicing things up. I'm pretty boring and love routine.


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