# Does anyone find exceptional kindness a turn-on?



## ScarletMacaw99 (May 5, 2010)

Are there girls who find exceptional kindness to be a turn-on in boys?


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## LucasM (Dec 2, 2010)

None. No matter what they say. Kindness will get you into the friendzone. Confidence, power, and masculinity will get you into her pants. This is the unfortunate truth.


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## ScarletMacaw99 (May 5, 2010)

Well, what about kindness combined with the above?


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

LucasM said:


> None. No matter what they say. Kindness will get you into the friendzone. Confidence, power, and masculinity will get you into her pants. This is the unfortunate truth.


No, it's not. It's canned material from some pick up book by the sounds of it. If it happens to be experiential learning on your part then I apologise and withdraw that but it's still a sweeping assumption.

No matter what they say, women are wrong about what they like? Oh, please. Can you be kind and confident and confident in your kindness? Yes. Can you be powerful in your kindness? Yes. Can you be masculine in your kindness? Yes.

If kindness is genuine and congruent with who you are right now (ie not something you just put on with women) then it's all well and good and fine. Discussed this with some dating expert friends today and they went on about how some guys "try" to be alpha instead of BEING natural and genuine.

You need boundaries of course and you gotta watch whether you're being kind for something in return or not. And watch if someone disrespects you or proves they ain't worth your kindness or attention. That's a tough one. But otherwise, kindness can be a turn on. We're all attracted to different things.


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## Misanthropic (Jun 25, 2010)

Should women being turned on by kindness be the reason why you are kind to them or people in general? 

I don't see how someone can seriously question whether or not there are women who are turned on, romantically, by kind men. Obviously there are.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

Yeah, of course. Kindness is an extremely attractive trait.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Misanthropic said:


> Should women being turned on by kindness be the reason why you are kind to them or people in general?
> 
> I don't see how someone can seriously question whether or not there are women who are turned on, romantically, by kind men. Obviously there are.


It should not be the reason why you are kind to them. If you're just being kind to them to "turn them on" then that's not really kindness and it's not congruent with who you are either so boy is that one gonna explode. Turning women on is and can be a byproduct of who you are as a person.


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## cold fission cure (Aug 31, 2010)

LucasM said:


> None. No matter what they say. Kindness will get you into the friendzone. Confidence, power, and masculinity will get you into her pants. This is the unfortunate truth.


my grandfather died in the friendzone. fell out of a guard tower.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I know of no one who thinks kindness is a turn-on. A nice quality to have, sure, but definitely not a turn-on. Also, kindness is not an "essential" quality anyone looks for. It's nice if it's there, but few people are fussed if it isn't.

Basically, it's largely irrelevant.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Yes!


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

Lol, what exactly is "kindness?" As far as I understand, it is benefiting someone at the cost of a detriment towards yourself. This is certainly not desirable in a male.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

sighsigh said:


> Lol, what exactly is "kindness?" As far as I understand, it is benefiting someone at the cost of a detriment towards yourself. This is certainly not desirable in a male.


Kindness is being considerate, or helpful, to others. It doesn't necessarily mean being a push-over. Besides, if someone actually went out of their way a little to help someone else, I certainly wouldn't view that as a bad thing. I don't know why so many people equate being 'nice' or 'kind' with not being able to stand up for yourself; they don't have to be mutually exclusive traits.

I find kindness a very attractive trait in the opposite sex. If I saw someone holding the door open for others or helping an elderly lady with her shopping, for instance, that would be definitely be a turn-on!


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Feigned kindness is usually a turn-on, genuine kindness is often overlooked. What a mopey post. Ah well.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

Not a sexual turn-on (since I don't find anything to be a sexual turn-on), but something that can inspire affectionate feelings and lead to crushes.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I don't agree with this whole "friendzone" thing that guys try to follow. I wouldn't start a relationship with anyone that didn't make a good friend. All my sister's boyfriends have been guys she enjoyed hanging out with and found she could rely on. They were friends first. Personally I think your best chance is to try to be a friend by being someone helpful, trustworthy, and finding shared interests that you can do together.


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## apartment7 (Aug 25, 2007)

LucasM said:


> None. *No matter what they say*. Kindness will get you into the friendzone. Confidence, power, and masculinity will get you into her pants. This is the unfortunate truth.


No, that's an unfortunate opinion which you and many other men seem to hold.

Try actually reading the replies women have posted on here and other similar threads instead of bouncing off the other male posters in a competition to see who can talk more bollocks about "what women _really _ want".

As for the "friendzone" myth. All the truly succesful relationships I've observed are grounded in friendship. I certainly couldn't imagine being in a long term relationship with someone who I wasn't friends with.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Genuine kindness will give whomever demonstrates it to me high respect and it will be reciprocated. However, on the same token, rudeness or some negative behavior will only make me lose respect and contact with that person. People who take advantage of kind people suck, flat out. What is the reason? And for all those kind people who let themselves get taken advantage of more than one or twice without doing anything about it, it's also your fault too.

You know, they have a lot of slogans but a lot of them have stuck around because they ring true:

You want respect?:
"Treat people the way you want to be treated"

For the people who need to learn to put their foot down:
"Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me" (Haha, I had to)

What kind of person is going to respect you for a crappy attitude? Most likely the same kind of indivisual because that is what they are comfortable with and understand, or because they have some huge insecurity problem and need to be validated by every kind of person regardless of their character or how they treat the insecure person. Is that the kind of person you want? You do? Oh well, then go ahead and be an *******. My bad


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## themoth (Oct 5, 2010)

Kindness in guys is definitely a turn on...it all started when
I was 5--I wanted to marry Mr. Rogers....seriously!


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Akane said:


> I don't agree with this whole "friendzone" thing that guys try to follow. I wouldn't start a relationship with anyone that didn't make a good friend. All my sister's boyfriends have been guys she enjoyed hanging out with and found she could rely on. They were friends first. Personally I think your best chance is to try to be a friend by being someone helpful, trustworthy, and finding shared interests that you can do together.


I agree. I hate hearing guys talk about the friend zone. Most relationships do (should) start out as a friendship. If a guy and girl are friends and she doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings, it's not because she labeled him as a friend. It's because she just doesn't feel the same way. Move along.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

apartment7 said:


> No, that's an unfortunate opinion which you and many other men seem to hold.
> 
> Try actually reading the replies women have posted on here and other similar threads instead of bouncing off the other male posters in a competition to see who can talk more bollocks about "what women _really _want".
> 
> As for the "friendzone" myth. All the truly succesful relationships I've observed are grounded in friendship. I certainly couldn't imagine being in a long term relationship with someone who I wasn't friends with.


Well said.  I agree 100% with your entire reply.

All that friendzone stuff is total BS. I could never be in a relationship with someone if I didn't feel a strong connection on a friendship level as well. Without that foundation, then it's basically just a relationship founded on physical attraction. It's like that old saying that married people say sometimes, "My husband/wife is my best friend." Those are the relationships that tend to last because they are friends as well as lovers.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

au Lait said:


> Well said.  I agree 100% with your entire reply.
> 
> All that friendzone stuff is total BS. I could never be in a relationship with someone if I didn't feel a strong connection on a friendship level as well. Without that foundation, then it's basically just a relationship founded on physical attraction. It's like that old saying that married people say sometimes, "My husband/wife is my best friend." Those are the relationships that tend to last because they are friends as well as lovers.


I agree with the whole friendzone being BS. I have had quite the opposite experience actually. On several occasions (at least 5 I can think of) girls I was friends with began liking me. Most if not all of them would have probably not given me a second glance in a bar or club. But because I was actually kind, took the time to genuinely get to know them as a person, and was actually a 'nice guy' to them they developed feelings for me. None of these relationships actually developed for various reasons (mainly my own issues), but they are all still great friends.

I don't purposely try to friend girls either for the purpose of them liking me, it just happens. People are always moving to L.A., and a lot of times mutual friends will suggest that they should meet up with me. Now there are reasons that I'm suggested over other guys I know, mainly I'm known to be nice and trustworthy. People then assume I must be a doormat, but the reality is, most people are not looking to take advantage of you. If we didn't mutually enjoy each other's company we wouldn't hang out. Going out with just my guy friends is often boring to me; I enjoy having female friends.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I'm a nice guy but not a pushover I have a backbone and I've managed many times to get through the "friend zone" and turn it into a relationship. I respect women and am considerate of other peoples wants, needs, desires etc. I just feel thats the proper way to be. I think if a guy is nice to the point where he is putting his own needs at a disadvantage a woman isn't going to respect that and then she isnt gonna be interested in him in a romantic way. Some people like to be worshipped though i only say this because i know of an example of this in real life; thats being too nice infact thats not even being nice thats being obsessive.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

It's funny, but I laugh in my head when all the attractive guys in a room cant answer a girls question she had and then I am the one who knows the right answer and I am younger than all of them. Even if a guy is strong, if they have no brains that isnt a good trait.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I fall in love with any girl who extends me a basic level of courtesy. :no


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

LucasM said:


> None. No matter what they say. Kindness will get you into the friendzone. Confidence, power, and masculinity will get you into her pants. This is the unfortunate truth.


Yes, a guy who generalizes an entire sect of the population is the person you should take advice from...

...Anyway, I do- as long as it's sincere and not ridiculously over-the-top like they're my slave or something.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

My boyfriend's my best friend! And my lapdog.



...Kidding.

(We're really turned on by dudes who think we're all the same. Yes.)


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

This is gonna be like the other thread about the difference between "Nice guys" and nice guys no?

brb, gonna get my bucket ready...


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

I'm nice without thinking about it. I just do it. If I like someone I'll probably be nicer to them. I assume that's natural. I don't take all of this "Friendzone", "Possible relationship" stuff into context that drags on for pages and pages. I'm just nice. Christ...I didn't know you could write volumes on this issue.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Rixy said:


> I'm nice without thinking about it. I just do it. If I like someone I'll probably be nicer to them. I assume that's natural. I don't take all of this "Friendzone", "Possible relationship" stuff into context that drags on for pages and pages. I'm just nice. *Christ...I didn't know you could write volumes on this issue.*


Hence the bucket you see...


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## MaddyRose (Dec 25, 2009)

I'm not sure if kindness would turn me on in a sexual way...but when kindness is directed at someone (especially them in particular) it makes people and girls feel special in a way, and I think they would certainly pay more attention to the kindness giver (?) and return that attention.


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## zebra00 (Dec 28, 2010)

InquilineKea said:


> Are there girls who find exceptional kindness to be a turn-on in boys?


no man they dont exist there are PLENTY of girls who say they find it a turn on but they are liars the more nice the guy is the more ugly he is and the more bad he is the more attractive he is i actually seen a movie once where this woman wouldn't touch her husband because he was nice then he murdered a helpless teenage girl and when she found out she got so turned on she lept on top of him and rode him HARD!!!!


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

zebra00 said:


> no man they dont exist there are PLENTY of girls who say they find it a turn on but they are liars the more nice the guy is the more ugly he is and the more bad he is the more attractive he is i actually seen a movie once where this woman wouldn't touch her husband because he was nice then he murdered a helpless teenage girl and when she found out she got so turned on she lept on top of him and rode him HARD!!!!


:| ... :lol ... :sus


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

When he's naughty we have really, really great sex.


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## OtherGlove (Dec 28, 2010)

strawberryjulius said:


> (We're really turned on by dudes who think we're all the same. Yes.)


^Best possible response. I was waiting for a woman to say that^

I think its fine to be nice, but not just because you're supposed to be. There is a difference between being a kind person and being nice. Like, telling someone theyre beautiful 100 times a day is nice, but its also annoying and probably seems insincere. Being a kind person is something much different.

Also, actions speak louder than words. Saying nice things isn't nearly as meaningful as doing nice things.


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## tookie (Dec 31, 2010)

i agree with otherglove...anyone can play the nice guy but true kindness comes from within!


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## much2muse (Jan 2, 2011)

OtherGlove said:


> I think its fine to be nice, but not just because you're supposed to be. There is a difference between being a kind person and being nice. Like, telling someone theyre beautiful 100 times a day is nice, but its also annoying and probably seems insincere. Being a kind person is something much different.


I definitely agree. Genuine kindness is awesome.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

I try to be as kind as I can. Living in Vegas is just pretty difficult to be kind in general. Kindness is a liability in friendships, let alone relationships around here.


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## viv (Feb 8, 2009)

Yes! Kindness is a total turn-on.


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## zebra00 (Dec 28, 2010)

mooncake said:


> :| ... :lol ... :sus


 why you laughing its true mystic river i think it was called


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

Zebra00, just because a movie depicts something doesn't mean it's true to reality. I saw a movie the other day where the quiet, polite guy turned out to be a crazy, killer, ex-convict. Are all quiet, polite men crazy killers because I saw it in a movie?


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I saw a film the other day about an alien invasion, I'd best start making that darned tin foil hat.


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## OtherGlove (Dec 28, 2010)

zebra00 said:


> no man they dont exist there are PLENTY of girls who say they find it a turn on but they are liars the more nice the guy is the more ugly he is and the more bad he is the more attractive he is i actually seen a movie once where this woman wouldn't touch her husband because he was nice then he murdered a helpless teenage girl and when she found out she got so turned on she lept on top of him and rode him HARD!!!!


That's not even what happened in Mystic River. Movies usually have a twist if you make it to the end. And yeah, it's a movie. If you kill a teenage girl you probably will get layed, but it would most likely be with your cell mate.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

mooncake said:


> I saw a film the other day about an alien invasion, I'd best start making that darned tin foil hat.


The one with the wee green folk in it? ach, those weren't aliens. They were Irish people. We're takin over the world baby! You'll need more than a tin-foil hat ta stop us!


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

Dub16 said:


> The one with the wee green folk in it? ach, those weren't aliens. They were Irish people. We're takin over the world baby! You'll need more than a tin-foil hat ta stop us!


Yeah, that was the one. My god, the end is imminent! You must be stopped!


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## i a (Jan 5, 2011)

How about this? Meanness is a turn-off.

I like kindness. It is a requirement.


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

mooncake said:


> Kindness is being considerate, or helpful, to others. It doesn't necessarily mean being a push-over. Besides, if someone actually went out of their way a little to help someone else, I certainly wouldn't view that as a bad thing. I don't know why so many people equate being 'nice' or 'kind' with not being able to stand up for yourself; they don't have to be mutually exclusive traits.
> 
> I find kindness a very attractive trait in the opposite sex. If I saw someone holding the door open for others or helping an elderly lady with her shopping, for instance, that would be definitely be a turn-on!


I don't see how being kind and putting yourself at a disadvantage can be mutually exclusive.

If I were to hold a door open for someone, it would be solely so I would look like a gentlemen and not a jerk for letting it slam in their face. Would you call me kind?

I can perhaps understand that undertaking a small disadvantage (such as expending good time and energy to help an elderly lady with her shopping) can be seen in good light. But as per the OP's post, it seems that 'exceptional' kindness requires an 'exceptional' disadvantage.


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## SusieQ1967 (Jan 3, 2011)

Yes. Essentialy for me it's a very dark sense of humour and someone who thinks on a deeper level that gets me going. Having a firm arse goes a long way too.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

innate altruism is a turn on. learned and principled giving and kindness is not turn on or impressive at all to me. i wanna hear her stories of when she was in kindergarten she acted like a meat shield for her friends against the school yard bullies not how she some old lady across the street yesterday or donated to some charity.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Not anymore. I've found it can coexist with selfishness and significant emotional problems. (I'm bi so it also applies to what attracts me in males.)


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