# Family size and anxiety...



## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

> Family can mitigate risk for anxiety, abuse
> 
> DAVIS, Calif., May 4 (UPI) -- A U.S. study challenges the view that people with some genotypes are at greater risk for depression, anxiety and abuse of drugs and alcohol, researchers said.
> 
> ...


Did anyone else feel claustrophobic growing up in a small family? Mine was me, my brother and our mom and dad, and little contact with extended family, except at holidays - they all lived several states away. I always craved contact with the rest of the family - we never got to see them enough for my taste, and I hated leaving them. Going back to our isolated family always felt so incredibly lonely.

Having a larger group of people to interact with would reduce whatever effect your parents' idiosyncrasies would have on you (and you on them). Nuclear families are so small, they act like echo chambers, magnifying whatever traits people have.

And of course, our genes evolved for living in relatively stable groups of 30-50 people, not 4 people...

So, how big was your family in your formative years (say up to age 10 or so), and do you think it contributed to your anxiety? Did you feel claustrophobic growing up?

I think it definitely contributed to my SA - my parents were not the best social role models, and they had a huge influence on me. Having more contact with the rest of the family might have really helped.


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## macM (Mar 16, 2009)

No, I relied on them too much I think, It was me my mum and my older sister.


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## Fairyxo (Jan 28, 2009)

Until the age of 8, I lived with my mother and father - there was just the three of us. Then my mother and I moved out and moved in with her lesbian lover, and I stayed with them until I was 18 when I moved in with my fiance.

And no, I never felt claustrophobic. I didn't even develop SA until I was 18.


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## livinginfear (Jan 31, 2009)

There were ten people in our family, including my parents. We didn't live near any extended family so we didn't have people over hardly ever, but there were lots of kids around growing up, and I knew almost every family on our street. I seemed to come out of the chute with SA. My parents were reserved, but I don't attribute much of my problem to my family life since the other seven kids don't have it.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I was an only child, so maybe that's a cause for my SA? Feeling left out somehow? 

I don't really trust these studies, anyway.


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## SoloSage (Feb 26, 2009)

I live in a family of 6 (2 brothers and 1 sister). I'm the youngest of the lot. I grew up until the age of about 12, on farmland outside a City — perhaps there's where the problem started. But according to my parents, I used to cry unlike any other baby if I was left alone in a room.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I accidentally hit 3 when I really meant to vote 4 -- I'm so old I'm voting like them old farts in Florida.

I had two parents that were married till death and that lived together (not happily, but they stuck it out till death ended the misery of their marriage after 54 hellish years). Then there was me, so that's at last 3.

I'm odd in that my brothers are so much older than me. My now dead brother was 12 years older and the live one is 20 year my senior so he was already off to college making a life for himself in another city by the time I was born. My other brother was already a high school drop out by the time of my earliest memories.

I'd count those 2 as 1 since I think they only count as 1/2 a person each given that they aren't "standard" siblings that are anywhere near your own age that grow up with you and are around basically all the time for substantially all of your formative years.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Oops, I forgot that my paternal grandmother (who had been a widow since 1948 ) lived with us till she died in 1986 when I was 13.

I don't know how to count her, since I really didn't know her. She live in the second flat of this duplex that is now a storage area and where my computer now resides as I type this. I don't remember much of anything prior to 5 and she was dead by the time I was 13 so that leave 8 years for me to actually know her. And she did not age well at all. My memories of her were of a very frail old woman, even though she died at 76, which is old, but not anything exceptional where you expect one to look like the crypt keeper.  There is some theory in our family that she lost the will to live and basically starved herself to hasten death. If this is accurate or not I don't really know, though when she died she did have that "heroin chic" look in the geriatric version. I remember how she was referred to as that "little old lady" despite being 5'11" back in the day when she could actually stand upright. Despite living literally feet from her I never really knew her.


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## Amelia (Nov 24, 2003)

LostPancake said:


> Did anyone else feel claustrophobic growing up in a small family?


A bit, yes. Though I don't think it really bothered me until I was a teenager. It was just me and my parents, in a village where there were hardly any children my own age. The only members of the family we saw regularly were my grandparents. However, two of them died when I was 3, so I didn't get to spend much time with them. Of the other two, one died when I was 11, the other when I was 13, and we saw them maybe once every few months. Other than that, we didn't see much of the rest of the family. My parents did have friends, but they lived far away and hardly ever visited, so it wasn't exactly a social whirl. I got used to spending a lot of time alone. Or with the cat.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I'm 21, my two older brothers are like 35/38... The younger of the two lived with us (my parents an I) up until a few years ago and he was an alcoholic and made life quite miserable.


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

Just my parents and me. I got my first sibling when I was 16, and another one at 20.


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## SomethingTangible (May 8, 2009)

UltraShy said:


> I accidentally hit 3 when I really meant to vote 4 -- I'm so old I'm voting like them old farts in Florida.
> 
> I had two parents that were married till death and that lived together (not happily, but they stuck it out till death ended the misery of their marriage after 54 hellish years). Then there was me, so that's at last 3.
> 
> ...


I have the same type of family set up. I have 3 older siblings, the youngest was 13 when I was born. I think that sort of facilitates an only child type of feeling in the baby. Being the baby it also feels like you're always looking up to others and rarely your own person.

I don't think family organization has the most impact on SA though, I think a lot of it is your parents and how they relate to you. My dad isn't a big talker, whenever he comes home he mostly seems interested in eating, playing with the dogs and watching tv. My mom is more lively and chipper but she still has a nervous sort of demeanor in social situations. Most of my siblings have a sort of shyness or were shy when they were younger as well.
My grandmother lives with us in a little cottage by our house. I never realized how many habits in thinking I've gotten from her, like feeling that "no one wants to talk to/see me" or not approaching men I'm attracted to.
Funny how habits reverberate through generations.

I'm glad this post was created, its interesting seeing everyone's different back grounds and family experiences.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

I grew up in a family of six, but we weren't emotionally connected, so that may have had something to do with it


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## irvanm87 (May 7, 2009)

i have 2 siblings. unfortunately we are years apart as well, i am 7 and 8 years apart from them. my parents also seperated when i was around 5. my dad stayed in our home country and my mom had to work 24/7 which left me by myself for a majority of my childhood living from place to place with different guardians. ive had SA even before 5 years of age, but im sure this made it even worse


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I think all you need is one person to really be close to in order to have mental health. And the more people in your family the greater the chances of that. I had two siblings, they could never understand that sticking together would be better. You can't change people like that.

edit: three kids in my family, all 1.5 years apart. My parents married late and were rushing to have kids. We were close in age, didn't help me at all.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

I was the middle of five boys. That made for a family of seven, and in a relatively small house, too (three bedrooms). And since I lived with a roommate every year of college, I never had a room of my own until I was 21 and in graduate school.


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

5-My brother and sister were quite a bit older than me.-10 and 8 years older.- I think for all practical purposes I was more like an only child. We did'nt play together or have experiences together.- I was a little envious that they have memories of going to the same school,playing with neighborhood kids,etc.together. Extendend family lived out of state and visits were only every few years.- I saw them so infrequently that I never felt I knew them-when they would visit us it was always nervewracking and a huge relief when they left. My parents were'nt warm people so I never felt connected to anyone really.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Me and my two older sisters, mom and dad, but he worked out of town most of the time. Me and my sisters are 2 years apart. My middle sister is 2 years older than me and my oldest sister is four years older than me.


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## Attica! Attica! (Oct 8, 2008)

oops, I voted for the wrong one  I didn't see the 'extended' part. 10 plus, then. My biological mom's family are mostly mormon, so... yeah. Looots of family, family reunions, etc. oddly enough, this side is also where anxiety runs in the family. I used to be completely comfortable in the large family setting, family reunions were some of my fondest memories from childhood. Now I'm very anxious around them too.  And now all the "kids" from my age group are getting married and having babies... makes it even worse since I don't do well with little kids.


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## Indy (Apr 24, 2009)

What constitutes "lots of time with extended family?"

I'm from a massive Catholic family (50+ cousins) with oodles and oodles of brothers and sisters. We spent some time with extended family, 2-3 times a year for Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. 

My large family was my crutch growing up. As long as I was around them, I didn't have to make friends outside of the home. I just hung around my siblings and their friends. I didn't pick up the necessary friend making social skills as a child because I didn't need to make friends. As an adult, I am trying to learn skills that most people learned as a child, and its not easy.


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## back2life (Feb 27, 2009)

no family is perfect, although theres a part of me that wanted it to be, but i realise i have to adjust and be mindful of everything. 

my parents may not be perfect, neither am i , i can barely think with the anxiety shooting down my spine.... but they are all beautiful and one day i will realise that again. 

i hope you guys feel better soon


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## jackson williams (Jul 18, 2009)

*extended family*

i lived with my grandmother my grandfather my mother and my sister the first nine years of my life. as well i always had cousin running around and most of my extended up to 5th cousins i use to play with my family lives real close to each other.


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## Syrena (Aug 6, 2009)

Pretty much just me and my mom and dad. I have a half-brother and a half-sister, but they weren't around much after I was like 4 or 5 years old.


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## DTrotter9 (Aug 8, 2009)

We have a nuclear family... Only me and my mom and dad... and My grandmother my grandfather - they r living far way in a village..


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

There were 7 people in my family. My dad was sick so we didn't have people over at all. My brothers and sister were much older and left home as soon as they could. For the most part I was raised as an only child. I have had SA for as long as I can remember. However, I did not have trouble making friends in grade school or high school. I was comfortable around them. It was just being the centre of attention or around people I didn't know that I thought would judge me that brought out the social anxiety.

As I got older I found it harder to make new friends.


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## itsamystery (Jul 26, 2009)

*family size*

I believe it has more to do with genes and predisposition to shyness. I come from a family of 7 children--some very shy and the others not so shy. Interestingly, the shy ones were all light-haired, the outgoing ones dark haired, which leads me to believe genes are at play.

My husband was an only child and attributes some problems to that fact (he never was good in sports, not popular, etc.). I think these circumstances we grew up in can contribute, but unless some major events happened (child abuse, etc), I think they are incidental to our general disposition.

For most of us, if we have a shy child or one that we recognize a social anxiety in, we can help them now. Back in the day, nobody knew what SA was and we were all flapping in the wind.


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## itsamystery (Jul 26, 2009)

*More...*

I read my post again and don't want to dismiss those that probably do have a big impact from family size and structure. I just think for me, my general shyness and talent from developing phobias was more of a contributing factor.

My husband hates it when I discount the fact that he didn't have any siblings or an attentive father. We all have to figure out what triggered this in order to fix it and not pass it along to our children.


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## epril (Mar 24, 2009)

I had an abusive insane father, a quiet anxious mother, and a slightly younger brother who was easy going and could do nothing wrong.

No one liked my father, and my mother was too shy to talk to anyone. They could not model appropriate social behavior, I have had to learn it through therapy, my own determination, challenging negative thoughts, practice, hard knocks. 

I think if your parents help boost your self esteem pointing out real assets, you can be a happy healthy person.


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## espearite (Jan 2, 2009)

In early childhood, grew up in family of 5 with some relatives who lived with us for a while (at different times). We were not near family bases, and I went to elementary school with only a couple of cousins whom I hardly saw throughout the time. I relied on friends for my closest relationships. My sister has some mild SA. On the other hand, my parents are a different story. They grew up among a large family base and met at a bar. Very outgoing and independent compared to my sister and I. I think part of their outgoing personalities is due to how hard they had to work for things.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

Isolated nuclear family. All relatives lived far away, and I rarely ever met them and never was especially comfortable with them nor did I feel any connection to them.

My family was me, my parents and my sister (2 years older than me).


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## BeautifulGunStucknHolster (Oct 29, 2009)

I'm an only child raised by single parent wooot!


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## FlickeringHope (Oct 12, 2009)

Up to age 10, I lived with both parents, 3 older sisters and 1 younger brother....but I have 5 siblings all together.

I'm from a pretty big nuclear family...there were just large age gaps. Right now, we're 31,30,28,22(me),15, and 11...I was the farthest away in age from everyone and often felt left out, was either too young or too old to fully relate to siblings, which kind of made me sad a lot. 

I think there are MANY FACTORS to consider, though. I'm not so sure I believe the study so much.

One of my sisters got pregnant young and had several kids young...so they were at our house a lot, and I spent most of my teenage years helping out with child care for them. I love them, but it was an easy way to avoid even attempting to be a real teenager. I never really hung out with anyone at high school, didn't really have any true friends that I would hang out with all the time. And didn't really get involved in school activities.

In regards to extended family, though, they all lived pretty far out of town. Would only see them on occasional visits to grandparents, and even then, most were older than me. Mostly it was just time to see the grandparents. Though I had a boy cousin only 1 year younger than me that I'd love to hang out with...only up to around age 10, though. After that, visits became less, and it seemed harder to relate to one another being older. :/


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

I had both parents and a brother. Not very close brother though, he was always the polar opposite of me, VERY SOCIAL so he was out all the time.


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## bookscoffee (Oct 10, 2009)

I couldn't really answer the pull because it differed so much growing up, sometimes it was my mom, dad, sister and me, sometimes it was me and my sister with one parents for a few months to a year, sometimes it was with me, my sister my mom and 5 relatives in a 2 bedroom house, sometimes it was me, my mom and my niece, sometimes it was my, my mom, sister, sisters bf and niece, sometimes it was me and my dad. So I guess I'll press 10? add up everyone I lived with all together.


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## BlueBamboo (May 8, 2007)

I've always thought of my family as small, because I based it on the number of people my age that it contained, but if we're talking extended family in terms of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, it's definitely more than 10.

I was an only child. My mother had a brother and a sister, neither of which ever had children; my uncle always lived thousands of miles away and my aunt moved away when I was probably around 5, and died when I was 13. If she'd lived I think we would have been fairly similar in personalty by now. My grandparents on that side of the family lived about 20 minutes away and we saw them often; they also had quite a lot of friends (one of which I called "uncle" even though he wasn't). But they were German immigrants and the people of their generation, _especially_ my grandparents themselves, never quite integrated into the culture and were always a little bit odd. My father had 2 brothers, one who had children that were 10+ years older than I am, and the other who had 3 that were a little closer in age to me (the girl was 2 years younger), but he and his wife divorced when I was about 12 and I never saw them much afterwards. One grandmother who I did see frequently.

Aside from the one cousin who I saw a handful of times per year, there really wasn't anyone my age in my family. I was used to being surrounded by (or ignored by) adults. Both my parents worked and I was sent to a babysitter... for a while she watched another girl my age (still my best friend to this day), but for most of the portion that I remember there wasn't anyone else my age. I don't know if that's what caused me to be solitary and enjoy it, or if it was just a fortunate coincidence, but by the time I was school age I was pretty much used to being on my own and entertaining myself, and not at all used to interacting with others my age, so I just... didn't. Not that I was afraid of them at this point, I just preferred to be on my own.


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

Indy said:


> What constitutes "lots of time with extended family?"
> 
> I'm from a massive Catholic family (50+ cousins) with oodles and oodles of brothers and sisters. We spent some time with extended family, 2-3 times a year for Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc.
> 
> My large family was my crutch growing up. As long as I was around them, I didn't have to make friends outside of the home. I just hung around my siblings and their friends. I didn't pick up the necessary friend making social skills as a child because I didn't need to make friends. As an adult, I am trying to learn skills that most people learned as a child, and its not easy.


Same thing.
I'm from a really big family- lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. And my parents, brother, sister, and step-dad. My extended family sees each other at least 2 or 3 times a month. (We obviously all live really close...)
But I never really had to make friends. I always had my cousins, my sister, and their friends. To this day, with the exception of my boyfriend and my best friend (I met both of them by a happy accident when I first started college.), the friends I hang out when I'm back at home are my cousin's friends and my cousin.


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## myhalo123 (Nov 18, 2009)

Only child raised by two parents who "love" each other. lol 

I put that in quotes because they have an odd relationship let's just say that. Lots of invalidation from my Father, a kind of distant Mom. I know they love me, but our family has never shown a lot of affection. They both come from big families 5 or more siblings. Had awesome grandparents we would visit once or twice every year. Cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. all lived several states away and they would sometimes visit though we usually went there.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

~4 but not a nuclear family. I have a younger sister. My mom and dad divorced when I was about 4th grade. We sold our house when I was in 5th grade and moved into my grandma and grandpa's house. My grandma spent a lot of time raising us both before my mom and dad seperated and after until she died when I was in 6th grade. My grandpa was around but not that active and we saw my great grandma for sunday dinner every week. My mom dated a bunch of guys. Ended up marrying one shortly after my grandma died. My grandpa sold that house and along with the money from my mom's house and a business my grandma had owned we built one big house with seperate living quarters for my grandpa. So my family has gone from 4 to 3 to 6 to 5. 

Personally I think quality makes a difference. Even if my parents had stayed together and even if my grandparents had lived to move into the new house with us things probably would not have turned out much better for me. My dad is a major cause of my sa because of his short temper and need to make me perfect. My great grandma also contributed by constantly reprimanding me for any trait in me that was not lady like enough for her (I was a complete tomboy). My grandma might have helped and seen things that my mom missed so that I would have gotten help sooner. She also agreed more with my way of thinking and was very unselfish when compared to others in my family that I had to deal with growing up. Who knows though. I do know that she is the only one lost from my family that might have a good impact. Otherwise I was just doomed to have a very unsupportive home life no matter how many family members you drag in to it.


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

I was raised in a very small, isolated family situation. I was an only child, and all our relatives lived thousands of miles away. When I was little my parents and I would try to visit them at least once a year, and though I was a little overwhelmed at first to be around so many people I was always really happy when we did. In fact I'd be depressed for about a week whenever we came back home from visiting relatives to our quiet little suburban bubble. That was the only time I remember being comfortable and happy around a large group of people, and I think it would have done me a lot of good. 

As I got older though, I gradually got used to being isolated and felt less and less comfortable around large groups of family. I think if I'd been raised closely surrounded by extended family like my cousins (who are all very social and well-adjusted), I would have turned out very different. Even my mother who grew up in a large family, believes she's developed social anxiety after spending 20 years in our isolated suburban bubble.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Wow, I never saw this poll! Interesting....

For me it was 9 people. But 1 of them--my mother, died when i was 5, and 4 others--both sets of grandparents, lived out of state so I only saw them once a year. (like OP, I HATED going back home after the visits! I cried and cried)

The people I happened to age around were mostly abusive to me, or neglecting. Even with each other, they weren't social or normal at all. Very distant and uninvolved....

So even tho i say 9, it really felt like ZERO! :roll


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

The first 5 years of my life my parents and I lived with my grandparents. Since we moved out I've lived with my parents and my brother.


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## HTF (Nov 15, 2009)

me, my parents, brother,and sister


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

I lived with my mum and sister, but every other weekend we were at my dad and his new wife, and between them there were 7 children (me and my sister included) so quite many.
I really more felt I got lost in the group not given much attention. The others seemed to get along really well, but they were closer in age also, and my sister was the only girl, so she was special just for that.


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## compulsive dreamer (Dec 9, 2009)

so basically... the "ideal family prototype" is the "reason"! xD


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

Indy said:


> What constitutes "lots of time with extended family?"
> 
> I'm from a massive Catholic family (50+ cousins) with oodles and oodles of brothers and sisters. We spent some time with extended family, 2-3 times a year for Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc.
> 
> *My large family was my crutch growing up. As long as I was around them, I didn't have to make friends outside of the home. I just hung around my siblings and their friends. I didn't pick up the necessary friend making social skills as a child because I didn't need to make friends. As an adult, I am trying to learn skills that most people learned as a child, and its not easy*.


This sounds a lot like myself, being the youngest of 8 children(4 brothers and 3 sisters). My oldest brother was born in 1964 and I was born in 1988, so there is quite an age difference. Both my parents were born in 1942, so they were 46 when they had me! So I kind feel like I got the short end of the stick. They may not even see me get married, have children etc..


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

When I was born it was my mom, "dad" and I. They got divorced so it became my mom, grandmother, grandfather and I. Then he passed away when I was almost 6 so then it was the three of us. In 2006 my grandmother passed away so now it is two.


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## eejm (Jan 22, 2010)

I grew up with my mom, dad, and a brother who is four years older. My parents had a very loving relationship and strong marriage, but my dad died suddenly when I was 15. A big part of my social anxiety stemmed from moving from my hometown a year and a half before my father's death.

The move was not a positive for me, and it was very long in duration. We knew we were moving for several years, but my family decided to stay in my hometown to let my brother finish high school. My dad come home on weekends, and lived during the week in a town that was 85 miles away. We moved the summer before my freshman year in high school.

I didn't adjust well. I missed my friends at my old school and felt very out of place in my new school. Eventually I began to fit in a little better, but the move had taken its toll. My family was very dismissive of my anxieties about moving and were not very understanding about my troubles fitting in. They seemed to think that I was creating problems just to be difficult. My father's death made me drift further from my family, as my mother and brother came to rely on one another more. 

My mother became more strict and rather emotionally unstable as a result of my father's death. We didn't get along so well before that, and it was even worse afterward. She'd always favored my brother (she even admitted it a few years later) and for a long time it was as though he could do no wrong. For his part, he has a rather arrogant, forceful personality, and my mother's devotion to him suited him well. 

As a result of the move, I learned quickly that my family simply wasn't going to be emotionally supportive of me. I was on my own. On one hand, I became very independent. I discovered that solving my own problems and depending only on myself was the one way I wouldn't lose what dignity and sense of worth I still had. Leaving home for college was very easy for me since I'd taken care of myself physically and emotionally for several years already. On the other hand, trust is extremely difficult for me. Rather than voice my feelings, I tend to withdraw and become depressed. I fear rejection in both my personal and private lives.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

a bell-shaped curve *hurr*...i'm taking statistics...even though i knew what that was anyway- it's on my brain now, lol. i hate that class like i hate my life...hmm, that was more depressing than intended....oh well.


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## ManderTard (Mar 14, 2010)

At the moment, it is me, my mom, and my 25 year old brother. It's hell because he's very critical of what I do and how I am. He's like that annoying old Neighbor that screams at you non-stop for everything. He loves to just make my Mom and I feel worthless...Bleck I hate him. We very rarely see extended family. A lot of close ones have died recently, and the rest are too far. I think for me living in a tiny family has played a huge factor in my social anxiety and other issues. With all the things my Brother has done to me since I was about 10, and all that would happen at school, it built up took over my social sanity. ^^


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## serendipitydodo (Apr 11, 2010)

I think coming from an isolated family had a pretty big bearing on me

I was born in London but we (Mum, Dad and my brother) moved to Devon when I was 9. The kids at school down here seemed so different to those in London and, being naturally shy anyway, I just didn't click with them.

Dad is disabled so he didn't work and neither did Mum (she is Dad's carer, type thing). I grew frightened of the world of work because it was alien to me, having no connections to it via family.

Mum and Dad were only friends with our elderly neighbours (who have since, sadly, died).

We had very little contact with family in London (Mum didn't get on with her sister and we couldn't visit Nan often).

Relationships were very intense because it was just us.

Mum, Dad and my brother felt like the only people I had. At school, I was so shy/anxious that I rarely spoke to anyone, so my social life happened at home (I was so glad to have a brother - we got on so well and I at least figured maybe I could relate to guys because I got on with him - maybe that's why I seem to get on better with guys).

Mum and Dad had issues with one another that they didn't communicate with one another. Dad would say bad things about Mum to me. I didn't always agree with Mum's conduct either. I now recognise (since we attended family therapy and these differences came to light) that Mum and Dad's relationship has made me distrustful of people's true feelings. Are people nice to your face but resentful underneath? It didn't help that I was bullied at school by people who were initially friends.


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## Melinda (Feb 5, 2009)

^^ Serendipity, I can relate. I grew up with my mom, dad, and brother. The world was frightening to me as well because my mom and dad were so closed in in their little worlds they didn't understand how much getting harassed every day at school hurt me. 

I guess my folks just figured I was "shy" and it was a phase I'd grow out of. They thought nothing of the fact that I had no friends until 3rd/4th grade because teachers were telling them I was pulling down excellent grades (I was afraid not to). I stopped telling them about the harassment in middle school because they just laughed at me when I did, saying I was taking things too seriously. They were busy, also, with my brother who was much much more outgoing and a troublemaker all throughout school. 

I wish they would go to family therapy...we need it.


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## LeDiskoLove99 (Jun 7, 2010)

We had a lot of extended family that we used to spend time with when my grandmother was alive, too much to count actually, now not so much. We still see them but not like we used to. And we don't have family reunions anymore. Now it's basically my imediate family which to most wouldn't be considered an imediate family. It's mainly just my mom, my aunt, my two cousins and their spouses, my uncle, my little cousin, and my great aunt. I really don't talk to my father anymore and anyone else I don't make the time to see anymore because I just can't do it.

So it's slimmed down over the years quite a lot but for me right now that's fine. Even if family is important to me. I have those who matter most around me.


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## cmr (Apr 8, 2010)

I have always lived with my parents and 2 younger siblings, and would see my grandma and 2 aunts quite frequently. A few years ago one of my aunts married and moved to another state, so I don't see her as much... But the addition of a new family member (her husband) was hard to get used to.

Sometimes I wish I had a bigger family because it might have made my SA not so severe. I wish I had cousins my age too, that would've been cool. My family isn't outgoing and my mom has SA too, so...


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

I was an only child growing up, until i was 10, and i think this had a HUGE impact on my introversion and social skills.

We lived in a different country to my extended family, so it was just 3 of us. To this day i strongly believe that if i had someone around my age growing up with me, my anxiety would have been lessened or at the very least i'd have more social interaction to this day.


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

I agree with the thoughtful OP - I've often thought that not having many people around who were my age made me turn out a little odd. 

Growing up, I lived with two parents who didn't speak my first language nearly as well I as I did - one of whom was extremely controlling because she was bored and had nothing better to do with her life - and a sibling who's much older than I am. So I turned into an introverted bookworm.

The people I know who have lots of siblings tend to be well-adjusted, cheerful, talkative types. Then again, one of the most outgoing people I know is an adopted only child.


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## PickaxeMellie (Jan 22, 2010)

Actually, I had to take an average. I'm not sure what period of growing up was being referred to in the question, and my family dynamic changed several times while I was growing up. So I chose five. 

From 0-4, it was just my mom, my dad, my brother, and myself. Then we went broke and moved in with my aunt and cousin. Then we moved out again and it was just the four of us until I was six. Then my dad left us and my mother, brother, and myself moved in with my grandparents. When I was nine, we moved away with my stepfather and it was just him, my mother, and myself. Moved a few more times, with a few more number changes, a big one being my younger brother's birth. Finally at fourteen, it was just the four of us in our own house.

So, um, what number do I use?


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

I grew up in a family with 2 parents and one sister and it was totally insular, we might as well had been living on an island. parents never had any friends visit ,they never visited friends either, extended family were rarely seen and we didn't interact with the neighbours.sometimes I wished that it was more interactive with a larger group ,community or family.


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## epril (Mar 24, 2009)

mom, dad, brother. Few visitors. Few "friends'. Mostly my dad's friend probably felt sorry for him. He didn't want anyone in the house. My mom was too shy.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Yup... small nuclear family. 

We originally lived in a small village with a few other kids around but when I was 7 we moved out into the countryside and there was just no one around. I spent the next 11 years living there so I guess I grew up pretty isolated.


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## introvert33 (Jun 23, 2010)

I think a problem with this idea is that in America the majority of people come from a 3-5 member family, so of course the majority of people with SAD will from a 3-5 member family too. What you need is a comparison between the incidence of SAD in large families and smaller families. 

That being said I do think that how our culture sets up families (the nuclear family) has an impact on our mental health as a whole. There isn't a one size fits all parenting style and parents and children can be incompatible, it would better if there were other mentors besides the immediate guardians.


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## Captneuro (Dec 20, 2009)

Well, I only have one brother and no sisters....My bro lacks social skills like I do....but I am actually progressing a little and he doesn't seem to be...
We live with our mom, and our dad ditched out on us when I was in middle school. I never was a child, I remember not ever being able to relate to other kids, so I didn't pick up on all the social skills that other kids would have. I just thought about stuff and took interest and occupied myself with stuff that kids typically don't do. Didn't help I was shy since before I can remember. I grew up with almost no friends. 
It's harder to learn this stuff when you're older...I'm not old, still young in fact, but it's still easier to learn when you're a little kid.
Well anyway....I moved around a lot and had a Very financially unstable life, because my mom was too poor and not in the best of health, so that didn't lend itself well to my friend making ability LOL. 
But things have been slowly improving.


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## Georgina 22 (Jan 4, 2009)

About 10 I think. When I was younger, my parents, sister and I used to visit my aunty and uncle and all my cousins and two of them were much older with their own children so we used to pop round to their houses for the day/evening and play with them. I used to play with my cousins and get on with them well. 

I don't see them much now. They have all grown up with their own children and in relationships and I guess because we stopped visiting them, I've grown shy of them now when we do have the occasional meet up, so now they are like strangers to me and don't really know how to approach them.
It's ok when you are younger because you play with your cousins and hang out and act daft etc. Then when you get older, you have to be more mature and talk about adult stuff etc. This family live about 2 or 3 hours away from us. 

My other extended family live in Australia. I've visited them about 4 times when we went on a family holiday. I was quite withdrawn around them because I feel like I hardly know them because we don't live near. And my cousins and second cousins are pretty social, which makes me feel uncomfortable.


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## ihatesocialanxiety101 (Nov 30, 2010)

Hi,
I'm 12 and since a few weeks ago I've been a only child with both parents at home.
My parents were often VERY over-protective of me as an only child and still are but not the same degree, I wonder if this had any affect on my Social Anxiety.
I still have the same degree of SA, though, now that I have a brother I still act the same way in social situations out of home.
AT home though, I've always been VERY loud. I think it's because I'm comfortable at home whereas at school I'm not.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

My 3 other siblings, mom dad. and my grandma and grandpa. The other grandparents were dead before I was born.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

4. My parents myself and a younger brother. My paternal grandparents I was seldom around growing up. When I was a baby my maternal grandmother helped my parents take care of us. I did grow up visiting them quite a bit and would play with my brother and my aunt who is 5 years younger than I am.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

1 mother, 2 older half sisters.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Oops I meant 4.


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