# So..



## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

I met this girl on Wednesday night and then we ended up hanging out Thursday and Friday as well. I haven't 'liked' a girl for a really long time (years) and I'm used to just wanting to 'hang out' and have fun. Usually when I meet girls I won't initiate any contact (texts, facebook, etc) and will just let them do the work because I'm genuinely indifferent. The weird thing is that they always seem to keep contacting me...do girls LIKE when guys act disinterested?? 

I can tell that this girl would be different because I already can't stop thinking about her and really wanna hang out with her all the time. The problem iss she told me she's not looking for anything serious on Friday so I'm debating if it's even worth the time and effort. I mean, that sounds like a recipe for disaster. 

I'm thinking of not texting or contacting her at all and waiting to see if she initiates it...if she does then I'll throw caution to the wind and just go for it...if she doesn't then I'll move on. What does everyone think? I'm so confused because I'm not used to this at all..:|


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## pinklove (Oct 19, 2008)

Girls like when guys show interest. Or then they won't think you like them at all! I say at least you can be friends with her if she isn't interested in anything serious.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

I may have left some things out. She already knows I like her because I told her and we've had sex (I only say that because it might be relevant in any advice given) so I assume she's at least attracted to me and thinks of me as more than a friend. I guess maybe I should contact her before she thinks I just used her...Not sure why that didn't cross my mind before. Thanks!


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Sounds like you like her. Must be nice to have those feelings for someone again. 

Good luck with contacting her. No harm in trying to hang out again.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

They keep contacting you because they are interested probably. It is more typical that the guy does the work but if they keep contacting you I don't see a problem. If you like her and she stopped contacting you there could be a million of reasons but I'd try to stay in contact with her. Try to get to know her...


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Thanks guys. I think I'm going to contact her in a day or two. She has two friends visiting from California right now so I'm attributing the lack of contact to that. They leave Wednesday which is when I'll talk with her and see if she's interested in hanging out. 

It just feels bad man. I don't really know if I enjoy actually liking someone because it involves being emotionally invested lol. I think I'm just idealizing her WAYYYY too much because she's incredibly hot. I know for a fact that if I wasn't so physicallly attracted to her I wouldn't care as much. Shallow but true......we'll see!


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

May be shallow but if thats what it takes for you to invest more time in her and get to know her better then you cant change that. 

'Actually liking' someone is good and bad. It gets in your head and you over think things. 

Keep us posted, would love to hear how things go for you.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

...I think you're a pretty chill guy, hiim, but there are times when I want to strangle you, make a wig for myself from your hair, paint myself white, and take your place.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Yeah, that's what I mean about liking someone. I normally wouldn't even be thinking about the others girls and they'd constantly text me. But of course the first time I am really interested she doesn't haha..I think women can feel vibes given off by men or something. I've seen and heard countless times that women desire what they can't have (though that's probably true for people in general) so maybe making yourself appear unavailable gives them a sort of thrill. I'll definitely keep this updated in the coming days...


STK, haha no way bro. You just need to be bold with girls. I never had girls show interest until I started being slightly standoffish but also (appearing) confident about it. So it's definitely not the hair and white skin LOL!


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I think hiim has a lot more going for him then the hair and skin.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Sounds like a plan hiim.

So how did you meet this girl is what I'm curious about?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> Yeah, that's what I mean about liking someone. I normally wouldn't even be thinking about the others girls and they'd constantly text me. But of course the first time I am really interested she doesn't haha..I think women can feel vibes given off by men or something. I've seen and heard countless times that women desire what they can't have (though that's probably true for people in general) so maybe making yourself appear unavailable gives them a sort of thrill. I'll definitely keep this updated in the coming days...


Maybe it does for some girls but something ain't right with them if they do... pretty much, just don't be clingy or needy...


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

bwidger85-Well I was out at a bar on St. Patricks day with some friends and as we were leaving this girl and her friend were walking home and one of my friends approached them. He was talking to them and I noticed this girl was looking at me so I just smiled and said 'Hi, you should give me your number.' She laughed and did, then out of nowhere they invited us back to their place to drink some wine and hang out. 

Joinmartin-Wow you have given me a lot to think about. Not completely sure where to start in regards to what you've said but I'll give it a shot. When I mentioned I was indifferent it's because I am naturally like that with girls I meet. I am usually interested to a degree but never enough to be overly concerned whether I talk to/hang out with the girl again. 

When it comes to this girl I'm worried about being rejected for sure. She's just completely my type so I'm interested in more than just having sex with her (and yes, we already did to answer your question). She told me already that she isn't wanting anything serious, neither am I, but I'm not absolutely opposed to the idea if things went that way. I'm a little worried about getting attached or having my feelings become to invested only to be let down..but I'm willing to take the risk. It seems worth it now. I'm gonna text her later tonight or tomorrow and just say 'You excited to hang out with me soon? ". Thanks for all the advice guys..it really has put it into some perspective. The worst thing that can happen is getting denied and if so that's her loss.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> bwidger85-Well I was out at a bar on St. Patricks day with some friends and as we were leaving this girl and her friend were walking home and one of my friends approached them. He was talking to them and I noticed this girl was looking at me so I just smiled and said 'Hi, you should give me your number.' She laughed and did, then out of nowhere they invited us back to their place to drink some wine and hang out.


Either you are really hot or these things are suppose to be that easy. Either way, I'm happy for you and GL with w/e happens.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

> 'Hi, you should give me your number.'


What an awesome line. *writes down for future use*


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

I'll keep you guys very involved by typing out the exact text conos :b

Me: So what type of trouble have you and your girls been causing in this wholesome town?

15 min later her: Hi there...we took a lil recoup time, but I've got my sister and another friend visiting. Thinkin about lookin to get into trouble tonight. What've you been up to?

Me 10 min later: Ah couldn't handle the week long bday bash I see! We should hang out when they leave. Don't want them knowing what kind of company you keep up here:b 19th hole has 6 dollar pitchers of Long Island's on Tuesdays btw...and tracyton has 2 dollar pints and cheap well drinks.

Her: 20 minutes later: I'd like that...not gonna lie, this week was harsh, but I'm a rallier  19th hole sounds legit but they're babies (as in 20) so we were hopin to get in somewhere before 10 and then coming back to my pad to drink. What're you up to tonight?


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Smooth. Actually that word pretty much sums you up. I like your style.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

She's into you, no question. Do your thang.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

hiimnotcool said:


> STK, haha no way bro. You just need to be bold with girls. I never had girls show interest until I started being slightly standoffish but also (appearing) confident about it. So it's definitely not the hair and white skin LOL!


Question: How do you act standoffish when you approach someone? After all, it was YOU who walked up to her and started talking.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Question: How do you act standoffish when you approach someone? After all, it was YOU who walked up to her and started talking.


Well I was referring to girls that have approached me. I don't know if standoffish is the right word, I probably should used the world 'collected'. Like, not making it look like you're really into them and that them approaching you is some huge deal.

Obviously when I've approached a girl I don't use that method. Otherwise I wouldn't get anywhere. I usually do the 'dominant' thing when I do the approaching. Mostly 'You should give me your number' or 'You should give me a kiss' etc.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> Well I was referring to girls that have approached me. I don't know if standoffish is the right word, I probably should used the world 'collected'. Like, not making it look like you're really into them and that them approaching you is some huge deal.
> 
> Obviously when I've approached a girl I don't use that method. Otherwise I wouldn't get anywhere. I usually do the 'dominant' thing when I do the approaching. Mostly 'You should give me your number' or 'You should give me a kiss' etc.


Haha, you sure you've never done this b4? :b jk. got a little bit of 'game'


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

hiimnotcool said:


> Well I was referring to girls that have approached me. I don't know if standoffish is the right word, I probably should used the world 'collected'. Like, not making it look like you're really into them and that them approaching you is some huge deal.
> 
> Obviously when I've approached a girl I don't use that method. Otherwise I wouldn't get anywhere. I usually do the 'dominant' thing when I do the approaching. Mostly 'You should give me your number' or 'You should give me a kiss' etc.


I see. I've been not showing interest for a long time, but I don't get approached by girls, so I guess I'll just have to try the whole dominant approaching thing.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I see. I've been not showing interest for a long time, but I don't get approached by girls, so I guess I'll just have to try the whole dominant approaching thing.


Oh yes! That brings something to mind actually!

Okay, I rarely used to get approached by girls in bars/clubs. Like, maybe once or twice. It was very rare. Once I started getting confident and approaching girls myself I noticed that more girls would approach me. I really believe that girls can 'feel' the confidence that people give off. I used to be REALLY shy and would refuse to talk to a girl even if she was staring at me. My best friend is really outgoing and extroverted so he helped me a lot in this regard and now I'll pretty much go up to any girl I want to.

Of course this is all under the aid of alcohol. I still won't approach a girl if I'm sober. The booze does give the courage though.


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## Makaveli (Jul 15, 2009)

hiimnotcool said:


> Oh yes! That brings something to mind actually!
> 
> Okay, I rarely used to get approached by girls in bars/clubs. Like, maybe once or twice. It was very rare. Once I started getting confident and approaching girls myself I noticed that more girls would approach me. I really believe that girls can 'feel' the confidence that people give off. I used to be REALLY shy and would refuse to talk to a girl even if she was staring at me. My best friend is really outgoing and extroverted so he helped me a lot in this regard and now I'll pretty much go up to any girl I want to.
> 
> Of course this is all under the aid of alcohol. I still won't approach a girl if I'm sober. The booze does give the courage though.


So it's only when you've drunk something that you can approach any girl you want? I can sometimes do that when drinking but now that I've stopped it kinda forces me to use my own courage.

I fail miserably!


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Little update

Hanging out with her and a couple people tonight. Gonna go bowling...I'm gonna let her pay for herself and then before we start I'm gonna say 'I'll tell you what, if you beat me tonight I'll pay for you when we minigolf next week'

The genius in that is I haven't even asked about minigolf next week. :b


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Well, haha....I'm unsure how things went on Friday. It was sort of mixed. I was only planning to drink a few beers before hanging out with her but my friends called and wanted to get hammered. We went and bought whiskey and beer and drank for like 3 hours straight before meeting up with the girls...(see where this is going?)

I was super flirty (touching, pulling her to my lap, etc) and she was receptive (apparently, I don't remember) and I told her she has to kiss me if I win and if she wins I'm paying for the next date. This is all well and good...but I was consuming more beer during the bowling so I got more drunk and it got to the point that I literally slipped and fell as I was bowling. I'd also go to the ground and do little windmill type moves and shoot back up....not to mention yelling 'F***' when I wouldn't get a strike which probably made me look psycho. Well, the night was coming to a close and we invited them back to my friends house but they said they had to go because they had work the next day. Apparently I was being a little aggressive and saying 'come onnnn!'. Either way, ss she was leaving she said 'here's a kiss for beating me the first game....and here's a kiss just because I want to.'

It would have been a major success if I ended the night there...but I started sending drunk texts :no Stupid stuff. Like, 'U should be sleeping on Dan's couch with me.' 'Do you girls wanna hang out tomorrow??' 'Better prepare for minigolf or you'll be destroyed again girl'. Her texts back weren't very enthusiastic and had '....' after most of them. She did text that she had fun and that she was a fan of Dan's couch from the previous week. She also said that they would hang out the following day and to just hit them up...I never did because I figured I already made myself look needy and I wanted to show that I'm really not. It's amazing how texts sound so appropriate when you're drunk but the next day you see how completely moronic they were.

Sooo..ha, I don't know. I'm just gonna let it try to blow over for the next couple of days and start again. I'm sure she knew I was drunk and usually that gives people somewhat of a 'pass'. I just need to leave a great impression if she still wants to hang out this coming week. 


I'm sure you guys don't care but I promised to update so...there! :b


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Thanks for the update. The dreded drunk texts, never seem to do any good. Will be interesting what happens next.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

She is still with you on this. She is being very receptive, which is good, and you apparently haven't pissed her off or anything. Just let your drunk texts slide for that time being and excuse them for what they were—drunk texts. It sounds like everything is fine. Just try not to get so drunk next time?

Most girls don't give me half the attention, so you got one-up on most of us here! Hope everything works out.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Is that how people really flirt!?

Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say (because I don't have much experience), but I'm learning a lot! Good luck and keep up posted, hiim.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Bwidger85...thanks! I suppose it could have been a lot worse. Luckily I didnt say 'I like you so much! I miss you already!!!' or anything really retarted like that. 


STK..Well, yes and no. I think touching a girls arm, neck, etc in subtle ways is a great way to flirt but when you're drunk it's really hard to monitor yourself. My friend called me in the morning and said 'Dude you were alllllll over her'. That's obviously not a good thing when my whole approach for the night was to play it cool. Now I have to regress a bit just to make up for the fool I made of myself. The goal is to build a little (or a lot if possible) attraction each time you hang out. The more value you display to a girl the more she'll want to be around you.

I have a question for you guys though...say I contact her this week and she does in fact want to hang out... should I let her inititate when to hang out the next time? Or should I just keep getting in touch with her as long as she's down? My ego kind of feels like I want her to chase me a bit since I'm going out of my comfort zone a lot already... I mean, how into me could she be if she literally never gets ahold of me first? It would seem like I'm just someone to hang out with when the occasion arises and that isn't very settling.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'm one to believe that if you want something then there is no reason not to ask, but that is me. I'm not all about trying to convince a girl to like me, so if she doesn't like me because I contact her once a week to hang out, then what the heck is her deal anyways? Obviously, don't get all needy and possessive of her time and you should be fine, and trying to do something once a week ain't nothing.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Eh, deleted her number earlier today. I didn't like having to constantly think about what to do next. I even blew off 2 other girls that were interested in me for her and I never do that. Lesson learned boys!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

opcorn


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> Eh, deleted her number earlier today. I didn't like having to constantly think about what to do next. I even blew off 2 other girls that were interested in me for her and I never do that. Lesson learned boys!


Aww, man...

I get the same way if girls act disinterested in me but not because I have to think about what to do next, but w/e, I think it is awesome that you've gone this far and that your learning! I really don't want to come off like I'm telling you what to do (because I don't want you to think that), but you were putting too much pressure on yourself. Me, personally, I delete numbers from my phone when a girl doesn't find the time to hang out, text back, or w/e, even then I give them a second chance to make sure it wasn't a fluke, but screw me once shame on them, screw me twice shame on me, right? Anyways, you know what is best for you, which is awesome and I respect that totally, but maybe next time don't try to put so much pressure on your shoulders? I think the girl was interested in you, my friend. You may of been surprised how things could of changed if you just kept in contact with her. For example, girls open up more and stuff after a while, and some don't. Ironically, when I decided a couple of years ago to make friends and meet girls I was surprised to find out that not only women, but guys too, don't really contact you out of no where and they often just won't contact you at all. Why? I think it has to do with the fact that it was my decision to make friends with them and therefore I should be the one who is putting more work into it. Doesn't mean they don't like you or want to get to know you, but I realized it is worth it in the end as they open up. But w/e man, you gained some experience from this whole ordeal and I think that is a goldmine for you. You still did awesome and you should be proud of yourself


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

Wow that's great advice bro! I think you're definitely right and I'm going to put your suggestions into action. Oh and she texted me today saying she wants to hang out Thursday :b. I've learned my lesson and I'm just gonna go with the flow from now on. It's not worth stressing over because it's not a big deal. Plus, hanging out is always much more fun when there is no pressure.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> Wow that's great advice bro! I think you're definitely right and I'm going to put your suggestions into action. Oh and she texted me today saying she wants to hang out Thursday :b. I've learned my lesson and I'm just gonna go with the flow from now on. It's not worth stressing over because it's not a big deal. Plus, hanging out is always much more fun when there is no pressure.


There ya go...

My friend has been very patient with this girl and she just keeps opening up to him-it is quite amazing really. I remember telling him, "If you guys end up in a relationship you'll be proving something to me, for sure". In other words, they've been, I guess, dating for 2 or 3 months now and no one has mentioned anything about a relationship or where it is going or w/e, and there as been times when he hasn't seen her in like two weeks! I don't know how he is so patient really, but it seems to be paying off.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Maybe say you think she's pretty cool and you don't know if you could do a casual relationship. It's stated in a way that sounds like it won't kill you if she refuses, but also indicates that you have genuine interest at the same time.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

hiimnotcool said:


> *I really believe that girls can 'feel' the confidence that people give off. *
> 
> Of course this is all under the aid of alcohol. I still won't approach a girl if I'm sober. The booze does give the courage though.


I completely agree with this. I've had maybe four or five months of actual confidence in, well, my life haha. But the change in how women act around you is quite something. Of course I've been drinking hard for a long time, and for me anyways, that was just a house of cards. It does nothing for me anymore, other than make me just not give a ****, in a bad way.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

^I like your positive outlook. Although you may have read a little too much into my post, but thanks anyways.


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