# Power cut and my mom



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

My mom wears really old ghetto looking saris. She sort of gives off the impression of being poor even though we own a lot of real estate in India. But she is old now, a senior citizen. 

She gets really really upset when the power gets cut. Someone clearly lied to her about why the power is being cut. And then after this, she sometimes messes up my relationships or does something cruel and makes me go out.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

i think your paranoid


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

And sometimes she starts stupid arguments with me (I've mentioned this before) but she also speaks in really ghetto Tamil and argues about things only really poor Tamils would argue about.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

and what do really poor tamils argue about?


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Normally she speaks normal Tamil, but when she argues with me she makes her Tamil ghetto sometimes.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think the power gets cut because someone from the media finds my internet connection and they want to help me and my mom then someone else who lives around here cuts the power. That's what I think.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

But my brother is coming to India with his son. If he comes people will know that we are rich.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Uh...?

I think you have bigger problems than SA. Get help.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

My mom's first son (the one who passed away) was really tall for a Chettiar. He was better looking than me. And my other brother is better looking than me.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

yea get help


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Are these made up words? 

Does. not. compute.

If these are religious words, please explain.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

There are delusions of grandeur and that he perceives his mother as dressing beneath her class (class system is huge - too big of an issue - in India). I would have to say that you should get some help.


----------



## Glue (Oct 26, 2010)

Your mom is going for that Indian hipster look. Vintage thrifted ironic-as-**** saris, churidar suits, etc. She's a trendsetter.

She's probably listening to T.W.A (Tamils With Attitude), a tribute band of the gangster rap group N.W.A. That's where the ghetto talk is coming from.

but yeah... seek help...


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

Well,at least if the power gets cut off,no one can see the saris-Problem solved!


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

I would say "The lights are on but no one's home" but the powers cut.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I like cheese.


----------



## beethoven (Jan 17, 2011)

lol...this guy has the funniest posts!


----------



## Devdas (Mar 17, 2011)

Does he think that he is the only Indian here?


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Glue said:


> Your mom is going for that Indian hipster look. Vintage thrifted ironic-as-**** saris, churidar suits, etc. She's a trendsetter.
> 
> She's probably listening to T.W.A (Tamils With Attitude), a tribute band of the gangster rap group N.W.A. That's where the ghetto talk is coming from.
> 
> but yeah... seek help...


I luv T.W.A! my fav song iz 'Big o'l Tamil ghetto booty' :boogie


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

Sadaiyappan, u suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.U Need help,asap.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think whenever I'm about to get married or someone wants to help then my mom takes somewhere for a few days.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I mean when a bride is about to agree to marry me she takes me somewhere.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

^how often does this happen?


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Pretty often. Something ain't right. Apparently lots of people want to help or marry me.


----------



## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

I don't understand this thread, but I like it.


----------



## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

You should make a tamil deep-dish pizza. It could be your wedding cake.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sadaiyappan said:


> Pretty often. Something ain't right. Apparently lots of people want to help or marry me.


Send lots of brides my way. I wanna get married, too!

As for help, have them send money!


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

ImWeird said:


> I don't understand this thread, but I like it.


 same here


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think the girl needs to be introduced directly to me. And she needs to see my Facebook and my game room. Sometimes my mom messes up the relationship, if I have direct communication with the girl she will probably marry me.


----------



## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

I will see my way to the nearest exit... :tiptoe


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think the girl needs to be introduced directly to me. And she needs to see my Facebook and my game room. Sometimes my mom messes up the relationship, if I have direct communication with the girl she will probably marry me.


 you need to hook me up with some girls, playa


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think the girl needs to be introduced directly to me. And she needs to see my Facebook and my game room. Sometimes my mom messes up the relationship, if I have direct communication with the girl she will probably marry me.


Oh yer, once she see's your FaceBook and game room she'll be DTF, Fo Sho :boogie


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think the girl needs to be introduced directly to me. And she needs to see my Facebook and my game room. Sometimes my mom messes up the relationship, if I have direct communication with the girl she will probably marry me.


So where are you getting all these marriage proposals?


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> So where are you getting all these marriage proposals?


Dude is in India.

You come here, you can have a crapton of marriage proposals too. Good proposals at that. Girls in their early/mid-twenties, many of them slim, from stable middle-class homes, virgins, at least they claim to be, drug-free and usually shy. But you've got to at least have a white collar job or some wealth and reasonable financial prospects for the future. Generally, a middle-class job will do.

I get a couple proposals every week. Have been getting them for something like 3 years now. That's a fair few.

And you're white. That means you'll sweep the competition.

No, I am not joking at all in this post.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

heroin said:


> Dude is in India.
> 
> You come here, you can have a crapton of marriage proposals too. Good proposals at that. Girls in their early/mid-twenties, many of them slim, from stable middle-class homes, virgins, at least they claim to be, drug-free and usually shy. But you've got to at least have a white collar job or some wealth and reasonable financial prospects for the future. Generally, a middle-class job will do.
> 
> ...


 looks like i should move to india for a while.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I have a BSNL 3G card which I use when I take my laptop away from my game room.


----------



## beethoven (Jan 17, 2011)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I have a BSNL 3G card which I use when I take my laptop away from my game room.


Oh, that is very relevant information. Now this thread makes sense.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think the girl needs to be introduced directly to me. And she needs to see my Facebook and my game room. Sometimes my mom messes up the relationship, if I have direct communication with the girl she will probably marry me.


So you're saying that bringing chicks to view your video game selection guarantees dating success?

Why didn't you mention this before? I'm guessing you're trying to keep all the decent marriage proposals for yourself! BAH!

And here I thought we were friends........


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Misanthropic79 said:


> So you're saying that bringing chicks to view your video game selection guarantees dating success?
> 
> Why didn't you mention this before? I'm guessing you're trying to keep all the decent marriage proposals for yourself! BAH!
> 
> And here I thought we were friends........


If Indian girls from small towns and villages see my game room/movie room they will want me. And Chettiars are traditional, most Chettiars would never give their son this much money if he was just sitting around at home.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Do you know any Indian girls with DD's< and big booty's that are looking for a husband?


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

All this talk of Tamils and Chettiars got me curious........

Caste system in India

"A position in society inherited from parents at birth and from which there is no transfer throughout life. The system is at its strongest in India where people of high caste are respected but those of the lowest caste—the untouchables—usually work in the most menial occupations"

I found this at answers.com.

When the Koothrappali character in The Big Bang Theory referred to certain Indians as "untouchables" I thought he was kidding. The "no transfer throughout life" part is abohorrent. I can't believe a semi-modernised nation like India still adheres to a system like this.

Sadaiyappan If I was you I'd travel to one of the poorest areas in India and find me a smokin' hot ghetto girl to marry just to give the middle finger to all the elitist snobs back home. She'd probably worship the ground you walked on for pulling her outta that hell dude.

Funny side note: India's class system sounds similar to the Dwarven caste system from Dragon Age Origins. 

Seriously man, F**K the caste system.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Misanthropic79 said:


> I can't believe a semi-modernised nation like India still adheres to a system like this.


It was outlawed long, long ago, i.e. back when americans were still going around lynching black people.

The Constitution of India is written by a man who was born into what would have been the "untouchable" group. He was also Buddhist. To give you an analogy, it's like the Constitution of the USA being written by a black man who is a member of the Nation of Islam. Bet that won't happen anytime soon.

Yes, it is still a problem in some super-remote villages, but that's like how racism is still a problem in the first world, i.e. it's mostly eradicated but there are still a few bigots about.

I didn't even know what caste my community was (showing you how irrelevant it is) until I looked it up on Wikipedia a week ago.


[URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maheshwari]Wikipedia[/URL] said:


> According to the community's traditions, they were said to be previously Kshatriyas, a warrior sect but later the king wished to convert to Vaishyas, a trader sector.


India sucks, yes. I completely agree. I am not patriotic or anything. But it sucks because of corruption, overpopulation and a third-world mentality, not because of the caste system, which is largely irrelevant in modern times.



Misanthropic79 said:


> Funny side note: India's class system sounds similar to the Dwarven caste system from Dragon Age Origins.


I'm pretty sure that was inspired by the Indian caste system. The "casteless" there are analogues of the "untouchables" who are outside the indian caste system.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

heroin said:


> It was outlawed long, long ago, i.e. back when americans were still going around lynching black people.
> 
> The Constitution of India is written by a man who was born into what would have been the "untouchable" group. He was also Buddhist. To give you an analogy, it's like the Constitution of the USA being written by a black man who is a member of the Nation of Islam. Bet that won't happen anytime soon.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the real world catch up Heroin, I'll take the word of an Indian over answer.com. I hate being misinformed but I'm used to it at my age.

If an "untouchable" Buddhist wrote the constitution, instead of a higher caste Hindu it means things have definitely changed within your culture.

Except where Sadaiyappin lives. He seems obsessed by it, the poor soul. He's got bigger issues to sort out before worrying about marriage to a Chettiar. The shame is he'll probably never realise it.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Misanthropic79 said:


> He's got bigger issues to sort out before worrying about marriage to a Chettiar.


Yes, he does. I think he is paranoid, and he mentioned he stopped taking his meds for it.

That "marriage to a Chettiar" thing is an issue. Most people here have marriages arranged for them and typically, it is done within the community. If I were to have one arranged for me it'd definitely be someone from my own community. But you can marry outside the community. People won't be happy, but who cares about them?

I am seeing someone who isn't from my community, and if it comes to a long-term relationship, no way is anyone going to successfully stop me.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Sadaiyappan If I was you I'd travel to one of the poorest areas in India and find me a *smokin' hot ghetto girl* to marry just to give the middle finger to all the elitist snobs back home. She'd probably worship the ground you walked on for pulling her outta that hell dude.

Funny side note: India's class system sounds similar to the Dwarven caste system from Dragon Age Origins.

Seriously man, F**K the caste system.[/QUOTE]

That was my sugestion dude, the ghetto's were it's at, those girls know how to partayyyyy! :boogie


----------



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Glue said:


> Your mom is going for that Indian hipster look. Vintage thrifted ironic-as-**** saris, churidar suits, etc. She's a trendsetter.
> 
> She's probably listening to T.W.A (Tamils With Attitude), a tribute band of the gangster rap group N.W.A. That's where the ghetto talk is coming from.
> 
> but yeah... seek help...


I genuinely Lolled at this post :clap


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think the power gets cut because someone from the media finds my internet connection and they want to help me and my mom then someone else who lives around here cuts the power. That's what I think.


Dear Sadaiyappan,it seems evident that you are not well and certain chemical imbalances in your brain are troubling you and keeping you from living a normal life.I am here to tell you that with meds and therapy it is possible to get out of this rut and keep you happy although it'll take courage, work and willingness on your part. I understand that some meds might cause side-effects but the key is to TRY different meds until you feel comfortable or doctors could lower the amount of medication.
You need to help yourself if you want to *find yourself a nice girl to marry, to have a successful career and to get emancipation from your family*. The first step towards that would be to start taking your meds regularly or see a doctor and get him to regulate your meds or its dosage.Believe me, it'll pay off in the end


----------



## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

I agree cinnamon.

The poor guy is obviously not taking his meds. I feel sorry for him.

and the sad part is that he wont change just by us asking him to take his meds.something has to happen in his real life where he crosses the line by causing a major commotion before somebody helps him.

I guess the rest of us are probably not in on the seriousness of his issues and are having a good time at Sadaiyappan's expense.
I am sure if we knew what was happening, we might be a bit more compassionate.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think someone else in my apartment complex is doing something stupid and then they cut the power and everyone thinks it's because of me. All I do is watch TV and play video games or games on my gaming laptop. I have an MSi GX660R BTW.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm upset that I'm still not married. I've been in India for five months. People who don't even speak to me are messing up my relationships.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

And people around here don't believe I am really the wealthy Sadaiyappan from the US.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I want to get married sooooo badly.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

The real Sadaiyappan (me) gets ****ed with and other people get rewarded for my accomplishments.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Apparently girls in my village and community would rather assassinate me then help me make friends or help me get married. Even though people make jokes for me on TV every day.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm not sure what kind of social life people have in Trichy. I'm not sure if I could get a girl friend at 28 or if it would be appropriate.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

And people refuse to fix my health problems. Someone from my community needs to help.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Sony makes love songs about me. I am upset I'm still not married yet.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

^ you don't have to post a new reply for each sentance.

We would all love to here one of these love songs?


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

heroin said:


> I am seeing someone who isn't from my community, and if it comes to a long-term relationship, no way is anyone going to successfully stop me.


Although I have nothing serious against arranged marriages I couldn't imagine personally being married off to someone against my own free will.

We have a large immigrant population in Australia and most of those that live in arranged marriages seem content or happy, so I know it works out for some.

But like you've done, if I wanted to get married (I don't) I'd prefer to find my own partner, without community pressure. That system would scare me!


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

> That was my sugestion dude, the ghetto's were it's at, those girls know how to partayyyyy! :boogie


I grew up in Dandenong, one of a few suburbs that would rate as a ghetto in Melbourne, so I know the lower class Dandy girls are waayyyy more fun than the Toorak rich chicks. :boogie


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Although I have nothing serious against arranged marriages I couldn't imagine personally being married off to someone against my own free will.
> 
> We have a large immigrant population in Australia and most of those that live in arranged marriages seem content or happy, so I know it works out for some.
> 
> But like you've done, if I wanted to get married (I don't) I'd prefer to find my own partner, without community pressure. That system would scare me!


Chettiar families (the kind my mom wants to marry me to - no dowry and middle class indian families) daughters usually marry who ever their parents tell them to.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

And.. When the power gets cut in my apartment complex my mom gets so angry and so upset... Then... My mom will turn on the fan and some dust or chemical will make me upset then she makes me go outside.

And.. When people are interested in me she does the same thing but with something that will make me bashful and act sort of like I am handicapped (especially when I try to speak in Tamil) then people don't belevee that I am THE Sadaiyappan.

Someone needs to help. It's obvious that I am not handicapped. They just cheat me and my mom at the wrong times.

I'm not sure what's wrong with the people in my apartment complex. It is my mom's complex they should help me and not do this to me. I have never met or spoken to most of these people I'm not sure why they don't like me. Some of them think I am/was handicapped and I'm not and never was. I think they don't want to admit to the rest of them that I'm not and never was handicapped.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Someone in the complex is clearly controlling when the power gets cut. Someone is lying about something.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

The people in my apartment complex should be punished. They are clearly cheating me and my mom.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I don't want to mention stuff like this... But I wank in a weird way... They just see me doing that and then maybe think I am handicapped.


----------



## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I don't want to mention stuff like this... But I wank in a weird way... They just see me doing that and then maybe think I am handicapped.


lol.


----------



## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

jer said:


> I agree cinnamon.
> 
> The poor guy is obviously not taking his meds. I feel sorry for him.
> 
> ...


What I want to know is why he has no problem responding to (relatively serious) questions directed at him but seems to ignore all the posts that basically tell him to "get help."


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> What I want to know is why he has no problem responding to (relatively serious) questions directed at him but seems to ignore all the posts that basically tell him to "get help."


 I don't get that either.Guess he's still in denial :blank


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I don't want to mention stuff like this... But I wank in a weird way... They just see me doing that and then maybe think I am handicapped.


Mate, you can't do that in public and expect people not to react to it negatively. Do that in private, NOT in view of your neighbours.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Mate, you can't do that in public and expect people not to react to it negatively. Do that in private, NOT in view of your neighbours.


LOL. I know, I do it in private. I would never do something like that in public.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I don't want to mention stuff like this... But I wank in a weird way... They just see me doing that and then maybe think I am handicapped.


I think we just figured out why the people in his appartment block don't like him. 
Please tell us Sadaiyappan, do you use the dead hand method? Is that why they think your handicaped, because your left hand is alway's limp.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

hook me up with some chicks man


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Although I have nothing serious against arranged marriages I couldn't imagine personally being married off to someone against my own free will.
> 
> We have a large immigrant population in Australia and most of those that live in arranged marriages seem content or happy, so I know it works out for some.
> 
> But like you've done, if I wanted to get married (I don't) I'd prefer to find my own partner, without community pressure. That system would scare me!


I'm okay with an _introduction only_ arranged marriage, wherein,the parents may only introduce their son or daughter to a potential spouse. From that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship and make a choice. There is no such community pressure in such case.


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

Actually, I'm kinda glad I have that option because being responsible for myself to find a life-partner means it never happens.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Although I have nothing serious against arranged marriages I couldn't imagine personally being married off to someone against my own free will.


I can't either. Therefore me being single and on the hunt. I've been getting proposals for 3-4 years now. If I were okay with the arranged marriage thing for myself, I'd have been married off long ago.



Misanthropic79 said:


> We have a large immigrant population in Australia and most of those that live in arranged marriages seem content or happy, so I know it works out for some.


It works in many cases. It's nothing more complicated than introducing you to a partner. You have a chat with them and decide if you want to get engaged. Like a massively chaperoned first date. And you get to choose, well, unless you live in some super old-fashioned village where Pa and Ma do the choosing.

But, I am certain it is not going to work for me. For many reasons, which I won't go into, but personally, it would be disastrous if I were to enter an arranged marriage.



Misanthropic79 said:


> But like you've done, if I wanted to get married (I don't) I'd prefer to find my own partner, without community pressure. That system would scare me!


It does scare me too. And I am ambivalent on the matter of marriage.

Preferably, I wouldn't want to get married. I don't see much to be gained and too much to lose from a commitment like that. But girls around here usually do want to get married and I'm no casanova who wants to drift from one woman to the other. Also, I like children, and almost no women here would consider birthing one out of wedlock. The divorce rate is actually quite low here, so maybe the marriage might have more of a chance. I dunno, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it I guess.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I want to live in India after I get married.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I don't care about the girls family status, my mom doesn't want dowry, I don't really care about family values etc.. But my mom believes in Natchathram and Jathakam.

I don't care if she is religious, I'm not religious.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I know of a couple from Sri Lanka whose marriage was arranged when they were quite young. He came to the US for school and after graduation got a good job. He then went back to Sri Lanka and they were married. Currently they are living happily in Wisconsin and have 2 beautiful children.


----------



## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

I suspect an arranged marriage would end well only if neither party realizes there are other options.

I can see myself being as content as the Sri Lankan wife if I were pushed into an arranged marriage in my teens, but if I had to enter an arranged marriage right now I'd grudgingly tolerate it at best.


----------



## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

heroin said:


> It works in many cases. It's nothing more complicated than introducing you to a partner. You have a chat with them and decide if you want to get engaged. Like a massively chaperoned first date. And you get to choose, well, unless you live in some super old-fashioned village where Pa and Ma do the choosing.


I don't see how that's an arranged marriage. We have that in my community too. My parents decide who I date and I decide whether I want to see the guy again or not. But I have more than 1 date to decide, deciding after just one would be tough.


----------



## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

My parents are trying to put me in one of these. I've been under immense pressure to get married before the age of 25 or else I'll be too old and too much of a loser to consider. People are picky picky too - as a female if you are not a light skinned pretty Indian female, super religious, and if you aren't a doctor you're pretty much worthless to any guys family that is looking for a wife for him. [Good riddance, I say, because I don't really care for your son anyway]

With my parents, I don't mind meeting people that they happen to find, because I don't see that as any different as meeting a person I see at the store. But so far I have met no one and I hate how it's set up as this elaborate dinner and hotel meeting. WTF. I've really been turned off for the idea of marriage because I'm simply not ready for it. I'm pretty sure that whoever I get married to, in this fashion, will most likely won't be able to handle me either and will be making a huge mistake. It would be a disaster.

Oh well, my parents are very much stuck in their old ways. But they'll have to deal with mine as well. Seems to be more the women in my family doing the pressuring for marriage. It's ironic because a lot of them have had failed marriages, had husbands leave them, hate their husbands, and are in loveless marriages - YET STILL talk about marriage like it's the greatest thing in the world and how it will make you happy. If I didn't see the opposite from their marriages I'd believe them. But that concept seems to be programmed in their brain that marriage is the best thing to ever happen to you even when you're husband treats you like ****.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

dontcare said:


> I don't see how that's an arranged marriage. We have that in my community too. My parents decide who I date and I decide whether I want to see the guy again or not. But I have more than 1 date to decide, deciding after just one would be tough.


The parents don't decide usually, but it is "arranged" in the sense that families facilitate the meeting and introduce you.

And of course, there is only that one supervised "date". And you have to decide yes or no then. Because they don't trust you to keep it in your pants when left without supervision, so no way are you going to be having further dates.

Phone sex is the best you can hope for, sadly. And most girls are not going to fulfill that hope. Again, sadly.

Basically, it sucks. But it works for some people.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

MojoCrunch said:


> My parents are trying to put me in one of these. I've been under immense pressure to get married before the age of 25 or else I'll be too old and too much of a loser to consider. People are picky picky too - as a female if you are not a light skinned pretty Indian female, super religious, and if you aren't a doctor you're pretty much worthless to any guys family that is looking for a wife for him. [Good riddance, I say, because I don't really care for your son anyway]


Oh, me too. I'm 29 so according to them my time is pretty much running out too. I'm screening out a lot of proposals where the girl has a masters degree, 'cause I don't. That is a good excuse.

So thankfully I don't have to meet with many people.



MojoCrunch said:


> With my parents, I don't mind meeting people that they happen to find, because I don't see that as any different as meeting a person I see at the store. But so far I have met no one.


If only you knew....

You know what happens after you meet the guy/girl and their family? You are asked if you liked them. If you say no, you are asked "why what was wrong?" If you say you didn't like their appearance (and they were fairly ok looking), the parents will list out all the good points about his appearance. "What's wrong? He is tall enough, healthy enough, has a head full of hair blahblahblahblah". If you say education/job... "well he's young, he will progress".

Basically, the screw will be tightened until you find a very convincing reason for the rejection. And god forbid you have a second meeting with the same guy/girl or their family even without giving a proper yes/no. That is basically taken as a yes, and the talk will move to engagement/wedding dates.

So.... tread carefully.



MojoCrunch said:


> marriage is the best thing to ever happen to you even when you're husband treats you like ****.


Women love jerks.


----------



## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

My favorite is the whole "Biodata" sheets that they actually type up for this ****. :lol That's where 'arranged marriage' turns into selective breeding.


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

MojoCrunch said:


> My parents are trying to put me in one of these...





heroin said:


> Oh, me too. I'm 29 so according to them my time is pretty much running out too. I'm screening out a lot of proposals where the girl has a masters degree, 'cause I don't. That is a good excuse.
> 
> So thankfully I don't have to meet with many people.
> 
> ...


Same deal with my parents too hahaha. It's nice to read similar experiences on here.

I had my first experience of this a few days ago when my parents invited a family (and their daughter) who were friends with my mum. She was a pretty well rounded person and I really couldn't fault her in any serious way as far as the arranged marriages system goes. All my reasons for saying 'no' were on my side, but luckily my parents didn't really grill me for a reason. My parents were pretty shocked at my 'no' and went on to lecture me on how she was a really great catch lol. Apparently my dad had written down all the reasons why she was great on paper the night before and he really couldn't find a reason why she was bad for me. I'm not really sure about the protocol here but I've been wondering if I should call the family and explain to them that it was nothing bad on their daughter's part that made me say no.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

Don't know whether I should even post this as I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea but I'm a little freaked out and I swear I'm telling the truth and nothing but the truth.

Something strange is happening! 

So last week I started listening to some Indian dubstep music as someone here turned me on to "Bombay Nightmare" and I found a whole bunch more when I looked it up on YouTube and liked most of it.

Now, I've just realised tonight that the SAS'ers I seem to be chatting back and forth to the most since I joined are almost all of Indian decent. Makaveli sent me a friend request today as we share a love of 2Pac and a dislike of marriage and after I accepted I had a look at his profile and found he's Indian aswell.

Just thought I'd better mention this strange phenomenon first incase at one of the meetings you guys realise I seem to be stalking you all or have an Indian fetish, which _on my mothers life _is not the case. :hide


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

cinnamon girl said:


> I'm okay with an _introduction only_ arranged marriage, wherein,the parents may only introduce their son or daughter to a potential spouse. From that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship and make a choice. There is no such community pressure in such case.


Both yourself and Heroin being introduced to prospects like this isn't really arranged marriage, more like supervised blind dates with parents making the introduction instead of friends. Seeing as how you've also mentioned being incapable of finding someone on your own, it's a blessing really.


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Both yourself and Heroin being introduced to prospects like this isn't really arranged marriage, more like supervised blind dates with parents making the introduction instead of friends. Seeing as how you've also mentioned being incapable of finding someone on your own, it's a blessing really.


Arranged marriages where the kid has no consent are pretty rare, especially among families who are a bit more educated. I think this type of forced marriage is what most Westerners think of when they hear 'arranged marriage'. The type of arranged marriage described by Heroin and Mojo where we have consent is what is most common and is what most South Asians think of when they hear the term 'arranged marriage'.


----------



## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

mind_games said:


> Arranged marriages where the kid has no consent are pretty rare, especially among families who are a bit more educated. I think this type of forced marriage is what most Westerners think of when they hear 'arranged marriage'. The type of arranged marriage described by Heroin and Mojo where we have consent is what is most common and is what most South Asians think of when they hear the term 'arranged marriage'.


True. This is a very big misconception that Westerners do have. Heck, I even though it was like that. They think it's a shotgun type of wedding and think it's bad. I just look at it as another way of meeting someone. Yeah, there is pressure to like that person off the bat, but at least you can say 'no'.

A lot of people say, "I could never marry someone I barely know and have stuff *gasp* ARRANGED like that". Even if a person doesn't do it this way and meets someone at a party or some random place, you still don't really know anything about them. You just know superficial stuff like "that person looked cute and fun. I'll ask them out and see if they qualify as a potential partner." And even after dating and living together, it still may not even work. Any type of relationship you get into - and it doesn't matter HOW you meet that person - is a risk in itself. So in the end, whether my parents help me find someone, or I find someone on my own I'm kind of screwed into possible relationship failure anyway.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

heroin said:


> I can't either. Therefore me being single and on the hunt. I've been getting proposals for 3-4 years now. If I were okay with the arranged marriage thing for myself, I'd have been married off long ago.
> 
> It works in many cases. It's nothing more complicated than introducing you to a partner. You have a chat with them and decide if you want to get engaged. Like a massively chaperoned first date. And you get to choose, well, unless you live in some super old-fashioned village where Pa and Ma do the choosing.
> 
> ...


You don't really have a choice by the sound of things. Even here in Oz if you want a serious relationship with kids you pretty much have to get married. Women the World over want/demand that piece of paper. It's just a shame in the arranged dates you only get one date to make up your mind.

I don't know what the rules are in India but here in Oz once you've had kids you're stuck with the mother of those kids until they're 18 anyways, that includes financially which I presume is what you mean by "much to lose".

"Like a massively chaperoned date" made me both laugh and cringe. I could imagine that to be a very G rated date. My parents didn't meet 90% of the girls I dated and quite frankly I would've missed out on a lot of R and X rated fun if they had.

BTW, can you guys hang out unsupervised with friends of the opposite sex?
I'm guessing not otherwise you'd have a way to cheat the system.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

mind_games said:


> Arranged marriages where the kid has no consent are pretty rare, especially among families who are a bit more educated. I think this type of forced marriage is what most Westerners think of when they hear 'arranged marriage'. The type of arranged marriage described by Heroin and Mojo where we have consent is what is most common and is what most South Asians think of when they hear the term 'arranged marriage'.


mind-games, I'm aware that shotgun style arranged marriages aren't the norm which is why I said "more like supervised blind-dates than arranged marriage". But I think you're right in saying most Westerners think of arranged marriage as forced with no say.

I used to think they were forced until I met a Sri Lankan guy who was in an arranged marriage when I was around 20 yrs old who enlightened me on the subject.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I don't even notice if someone is of Indian descent. I frankly don't care.

I think arranged marriages can work for some. It definitely worked for Cat Stevens/Yusaf Islam!


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I don't even notice if someone is of Indian descent. I frankly don't care.


I'm not trying for brownie points, I'm just stating facts. Normally I wouldn't notice either but I've back and forthed with Cinnamon, Mojo, Heroin and Makaveli in several different threads because they've responded to things I've said whilst everyone else on the forum just seems to post/talk without responding/listening.

It wasn't until they all started chatting in this thread (except Cinnamon her avatar gives her away) that I realised the people I was getting into back and forths with turned out being 4 Indians.

I've got into two back and forths with people who aren't Indian and I have over 150 posts. So that's 2/3 of all the convo's I've had here. It's a little odd is all I'm saying.


----------



## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

^^ Well it apparently matters to you or else you wouldn't have taken the time to mention it. Oh well, I guess it's just one of those funny coincidences.


----------



## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

Misanthropic79 said:


> Both yourself and Heroin being introduced to prospects like this isn't really arranged marriage, more like supervised blind dates with parents making the introduction instead of friends. Seeing as how you've also mentioned being incapable of finding someone on your own, it's a blessing really.


Yea I'm American but a religious Jew and we have that too - arranged dates. Although the parents aren't there on the date - you go by yourselves to a coffee shop or whatever. Which is so much easier, and my parents know what I'm like so I trust them to find me good dates. It has to stink though if you don't get along with your parents haha.

I'm just wondering though, how much stigma is there for broken engagements or divorce? Here it's terrible.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

dontcare said:


> Yea I'm American but a religious Jew and we have that too - arranged dates. Although the parents aren't there on the date - you go by yourselves to a coffee shop or whatever. Which is so much easier, and my parents know what I'm like so I trust them to find me good dates. It has to stink though if you don't get along with your parents haha.
> 
> I'm just wondering though, how much stigma is there for broken engagements or divorce? Here it's terrible.


The stigma on divorcees in Australia is not really noticable. When the divorce rates are so high how can most people look down on it when almost half of them are also divorced.

I'm guessing you mean the stigma on divorce is terrible with Jewish Americans because Americans in general disapproving of divorce would be totally hypocritical in the extreme.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

BTW People, I hope the whole "Gonna die a virgin/Never been on a date or been kissed" crowd aren't reading this thread or you're all making lifelong enemies not lapping up all the dates your parents are throwing at you.

They'd all commit bloody murder to be in your shoes.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

Amocholes said:


> I know of a couple from Sri Lanka whose marriage was arranged when they were quite young. He came to the US for school and after graduation got a good job. He then went back to Sri Lanka and they were married. Currently they are living happily in Wisconsin and have 2 beautiful children.


Wow polar opposite of the Sri Lankan guy I knew in the arranged marriage. He married for his Mothers sake (his Mother chose a nut) and was so miserable he ended up drinking himself to death.

He told me not long before he died he wasn't going to arrange his sons marriage but after his funeral his wife fled back to Sri Lanka so I'm thinking his son will be having his dates chosen for him too.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

dontcare said:


> I'm just wondering though, how much stigma is there for broken engagements or divorce? Here it's terrible.


Just yesterday, my mum chewed someone out for sending a proposal on behalf of their divorced daughter. "How dare you propose marriage with a divorcee for my nice little innocent boy??!!"

Even they initially said "it was a broken engagement" then later mentioned there had been a divorce. So yeah, the stigma is quite significant.



Misanthropic79 said:


> BTW, can you guys hang out unsupervised with friends of the opposite sex?


In cities, yeah. In backward towns, not really. But if they suspect you're doing anything naughty, there'll be an interrogation. Not a problem for me since I'm pretty much "out of control" according to my parents.

I once met this girl on one of those arranged meetings. I asked her if she liked children. Her parents were scandalized that I'd "talk about babies" with their daughter :lol

Another time, they let me talk with this girl in a separate room. I can talk a lot so I let the conversation run for 30-45 odd minutes, talking about whatever with the girl. A couple times her relatives came by to peer into the room. They probably thought I'd grabbed her and was having my way with her or something since it was taking so long.


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

MojoCrunch said:


> My parents are trying to put me in one of these. I've been under immense pressure to get married before the age of 25 or else I'll be too old and too much of a loser to consider. People are picky picky too - as a female if you are not a light skinned pretty Indian female, super religious, and if you aren't a doctor you're pretty much worthless to any guys family that is looking for a wife for him. [Good riddance, I say, because I don't really care for your son anyway.


"Beautiful, fair, professionally qualified working girl."
This is the usual line for most of the matrimonial ads these days.

Many prospective grooms have rejected me in the past because I'm NOT fair-skinned and don't hold a professional qualification. I think,now-a-days, men here in India, find it more attractive when a woman is highly beneficial to the house monetarily. At the same time, she's expected to take good care of the house,tend to his parents etc...as well. And not just any job.They'd expect you to earn a respectable income, equal to their son's, if not more. Nobody seems to want a housewife these days.


----------



## cinnamon girl (Feb 15, 2011)

I do think that the fantasy of a constant “in love” feeling does a disservice to married couples today. Yes, you should feel love for your spouse, but sometimes that love is WORK, and a conscious choice you have to make. It’s not always easy, but because of the fantasy that we’re fed in our culture (predominantly western), some people think that the moment they don’t feel it any more, it means the marriage is ending.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

cinnamon girl said:


> I do think that the fantasy of a constant "in love" feeling does a disservice to married couples today. Yes, you should feel love for your spouse, but sometimes that love is WORK, and a conscious choice you have to make. It's not always easy, but because of the fantasy that we're fed in our culture (predominantly western), some people think that the moment they don't feel it any more, it means the marriage is ending.


Absolutely correct as far as western culture goes. I know old couples that came from the era where marriage was _for life. _Most of those couples were not madly in love anymore and usually bickered constantly. They were annoyed and sick to death of each other but they stayed together because that's what "'till death do us part" means.

For our generation a lot of couples drop the "till death" part from the wedding vows entirely. When something's broke, we don't try and fix it we throw it away and trade it in for a new model.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

heroin said:


> Just yesterday, my mum chewed someone out for sending a proposal on behalf of their divorced daughter. "How dare you propose marriage with a divorcee for my nice little innocent boy??!!"
> 
> In cities, yeah. In backward towns, not really. But if they suspect you're doing anything naughty, there'll be an interrogation. Not a problem for me since I'm pretty much "out of control" according to my parents.
> 
> ...


Interrogation, scandal and the indignity of a proposal from a divorcee. :teeth
They could make an episode of an Indian soap opera on your life Heroin I swear.

I now know why, in part, you're not much of a patriot. Dating in Australia, even for the conservative types, seems trivial after reading everyones posts here. I'm not a patriot myself but Australia ain't all bad. I've been single for 12 years now but I thank my lucky stars I was able to have lots of fun before the dry spell without some killjoy breakin' the mood.

How can you possibly form an opinion of a prospective partner if you don't know how they feel about children? It's nonsensical! Here in Oz it's a standard question. Shame on your female friend for snitching too!

And a 45 minute conversation taking too long so they have to check up on you, that's oppressive. Do they just do it because they weren't allowed to form a decent opinion of a potential partner so why should you be allowed that privilege?

Personally, I've never been checked up on but if a parent had walked in on me and a female 45 minutes after we'd secluded ourselves they would've found a bit more than conversation occuring, most of the time anyways.

I was friends with a few Indians in highschool too and they were allowed to date just like the rest of us. One mate I had was allowed to have his white girlfriend stay over and it was no secret that girl was particularly good at polishing knobs if you get my meaning.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

Girls families shouldn't judge me based on things I do in my privacy. Everyone does and says stupid things in their privacy. They should meet me and talk to me.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I can take down my photos and edit my posts and delete this account at any time. If I edit all my stories people will forget about them after a while.


----------



## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)




----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think I haven't been shown most of the proposals I have been getting.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I want to stay in India after I get married. My mom isn't going to be able to go back to the US until I get married. She needs to sell the houses we have in the US.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

*nods head in agreement*


----------



## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

jer said:


> I agree cinnamon.
> 
> The poor guy is obviously not taking his meds. I feel sorry for him.
> 
> ...


Yes.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

cinnamon girl said:


> I do think that the fantasy of a constant "in love" feeling does a disservice to married couples today. Yes, you should feel love for your spouse, but sometimes that love is WORK, and a conscious choice you have to make. It's not always easy, but because of the fantasy that we're fed in our culture (predominantly western), some people think that the moment they don't feel it any more, it means the marriage is ending.


Shy people crush easily.


----------



## crimsoncora (Mar 29, 2011)

Get mental help asap.

Strange post, doesnt make sense.


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think everyone's special box turns off when their is a power cut.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

My special box runs on the Energizer bunny. It keeps going...and going...and going...and...


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

What do you mean by special box?


----------

