# Do you HATE it when "friends" blow off your online messages or texts?



## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

I know this shouldn't bother me, but with online communication such as Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc. being a primary way people communicate, do you get frustrated and irritated when you take the time to send a "friend" a message and he or she doesn't bother responding with even a two word answer or happy face or even LOL or whatnot?

Mind you, I'm 38 years old but it still feels like someone stabbed me in the gut with a needle when I get the "saw at 9:45 p.m." notice or whatnot but the person never typed a response.

It makes me feel like the person was bothered by the fact that I sent them a message, or that I am a nuisance, or that they don't really like me or approve of me.

I also think it's very rude and arrogant of them to do that, because whenever someone takes the time to send me a message I feel flattered they actually took the time to write me and I make sure to send at least a quick response.

Do any of you have similar feelings?


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## poqanxst (Jul 22, 2013)

As someone who does this myself, sometimes it's because I'm really busy but sometimes it's because I just don't feel like talking. It might not be because they don't like you, just they have other things they're trying to do.

If they start with a 1-2 word response, it's sort of expected to keep the conversation going


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## Veritastar (Aug 16, 2011)

Not really. I do it to and I don't like to be bugged a lot. I require a lot of space and I'm not going to do something if I honestly don't feel like doing. I prefer doing things sincerely.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I used to. I don't give a f*** anymore. People suck, what's new?


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

I know. I find too that as a 38 year old mom with kids and a part time job I don't have the luxury of time to go hang out with people at coffee shops or bars like I did in my 20s. I kinda resent to how Facebook, etc is the ONLY way I communicate with some people, even the ones who still live in town.

But with social anxiety it just makes it all more complicated.


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## Vilanelle (Jul 22, 2013)

Kind of like this thread "seen by 88, replied to by 4"...now 5...
Funny, I was just complaining to my mom about this. I sent a friend of mine a really sweet message through facebook (never the place!) and she read it and never responded. I was mad, how could I not be? The first , and probably only message I have ever sent, read but not seen. If it were truly seen, she would have replied would she have not?
It angers me- facebook, her, myself.
My mom says it's just my expectations. What expectations? A message is meant to be received and replied to. But that's us. We're the "weird ones".


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## KYJE (Aug 11, 2012)

I'm pretty terrible when it comes to responding to messages so I really don't have the right to be upset or annoyed with others when they do the same. :b I mean, I'd by lying if I said it didn't bother me because it sometimes very much does; rather, I try and remain patient and understanding while realizing that there may be a number of reasons as to why it's taking so long.

In my case, I oftentimes find myself becoming nervous, scared, overwhelmed and at a loss for words when talking with someone (even more so if what I'm supposed to be replying to requires a lot of writing on my part). As a result, I've left some people hanging for days, weeks and even months. I feel like an ******* for doing it, obviously, but it's not as though it's my intention to upset anyone. It’s just how I am. 

I’m not saying it’s like that with everyone. We all have our reasons, after all. But it’s good to try and have a positive outlook and open mind about things.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

I wouldn't know; I never facebook message/text people first (probably because I'd be so hurt if they didn't reply lol). I'm always the one not replying. ..Well I was back when I still got messages/texys.


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

Vilanelle said:


> Kind of like this thread "seen by 88, replied to by 4"...now 5...
> Funny, I was just complaining to my mom about this. I sent a friend of mine a really sweet message through facebook (never the place!) and she read it and never responded. I was mad, how could I not be? The first , and probably only message I have ever sent, read but not seen. If it were truly seen, she would have replied would she have not?
> It angers me- facebook, her, myself.
> My mom says it's just my expectations. What expectations? A message is meant to be received and replied to. But that's us. We're the "weird ones".


I recently took the time to send an old friend a "Happy Anniversary" message on Facebook and I also included a sweet message about how I had just been looking at our old wedding photos and there was a funny picture of him at our wedding, etc. Yep. He "saw" it but didn't respond. I was so livid that I was seriously considering defriending the guy. I really wanted to delete him because how could be be so rude? But I didn't.

Well a few weeks later I was out driving and a car followed me and then pulled up along side me. I saw someone rolling down their window and it was that same guy who blew off my Facebook message pulling up to say "hi."

Yeah, it's all so weird and confusing. :um


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## LouAS (Jul 20, 2013)

poqanxst said:


> As someone who does this myself, sometimes it's because I'm really busy but sometimes it's because I just don't feel like talking. It might not be because they don't like you, just they have other things they're trying to do.
> 
> If they start with a 1-2 word response, it's sort of expected to keep the conversation going


I agree, I'm a shocker when it comes to this. I genuinely think that the person is a great guy/girl, but sometimes I don't have anything decent to say or like the person in my quote said "i just don't feel like talking". Try not to interpret it like the person dislikes you. Honestly I'd be more worried if the person replying sent me only one word answers that are half hearted to the conversation.

Like my philosophy goes: silence is better than bull****


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## Papaya24 (Jul 22, 2013)

Yea, I think it bothers everyone!

That was the horrible part of facebook. Seeing who read your messages. A group of friends kept arranging to meet up, and some of them would read my messages and not reply. And then go and post a facebook status or 5, about themselves too!

I think social networking can just be perceived in a bad way. I'm sure if you spoke to them in real life they wouldn't be ignoring you.


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## rbinaz (Jul 22, 2013)

I think social networking can potentially destroy what would be otherwise good friendships. Sometimes though that never even has the chance to happen when they remove you without saying why. You then have to wonder why they accepted your friend request in the 1st place. I've tried to add people that I know who I thought were friends as we used to hang out but then they don't accept the request. People are bizarre anymore..


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

rbinaz said:


> I think social networking can potentially destroy what would be otherwise good friendships. Sometimes though that never even has the chance to happen when they remove you without saying why. You then have to wonder why they accepted your friend request in the 1st place. I've tried to add people that I know who I thought were friends as we used to hang out but then they don't accept the request. People are bizarre anymore..


So true! A few years back a bunch of people from the church I had attended for nearly ten years suddenly defriended me for no reason. That hurt bad and shocked and confused me beyond belief. I mean, it was church!? There was even one girl who was nice to me all the time, who used to message me on Facebook about problems she had, etc. and who I brought a Babies R Us gift card and several bowls of soup after she had a baby, SHE defriended me. An older man who was in a Bible study group with me and who even volunteered to help my students with a project when I used to work at a college for a while defriended me. Several other people who I thought were "close" church friends did. But they kept nearly everyone else. I am still traumatized by all this. I had to switch churches even. And again, I did nothing "wrong" to these people. I was nice to them, NICE! It traumatized me and made me think that maybe a new gossipy lady who had just joined the church and took over a bunch of committees was maybe responsible and maybe that gossipy lady didn't like me and said negative things about me to people... Thus contributing to my "social paranoia" on top of social anxiety.:roll


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## TheSeeker (Jun 12, 2013)

CeeDee4 said:


> So true! A few years back a bunch of people from the church I had attended for nearly ten years suddenly defriended me for no reason. That hurt bad and shocked and confused me beyond belief. I mean, it was church!? There was even one girl who was nice to me all the time, who used to message me on Facebook about problems she had, etc. and who I brought a Babies R Us gift card and several bowls of soup after she had a baby, SHE defriended me. An older man who was in a Bible study group with me and who even volunteered to help my students with a project when I used to work at a college for a while defriended me. Several other people who I thought were "close" church friends did. But they kept nearly everyone else. I am still traumatized by all this. I had to switch churches even. And again, I did nothing "wrong" to these people. I was nice to them, NICE! It traumatized me and made me think that maybe a new gossipy lady who had just joined the church and took over a bunch of committees was maybe responsible and maybe that gossipy lady didn't like me and said negative things about me to people... Thus contributing to my "social paranoia" on top of social anxiety.:roll


Im going through something symilar with someone I know. We are (well maybe were, im still deciding) friends. We would talk, occasionally go out to eat ect. Then they got a new job and it's like I don't hear from them anymore. Like at all. I know their busy, but regardless of how busy I was, I always made time for them. I also think that they met some new people and have been spending more time with them. But it hurts to just be cut off completely. You think your friends with someone on say like a level 8, but it turns out you were only like a level 3 with them. It's like I always worry about how much I mean to my friends. Understanding that I might not mean as much to them as they do to me. It can hurt but at the same time I really don't give a s**t anymore either. It gets so exhausting constantly worrying.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

YES!! specially on KIK! hate that they take hours and even days.. -_-


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## Vilanelle (Jul 22, 2013)

CeeDee4 said:


> So true! A few years back a bunch of people from the church I had attended for nearly ten years suddenly defriended me for no reason. That hurt bad and shocked and confused me beyond belief. I mean, it was church!? There was even one girl who was nice to me all the time, who used to message me on Facebook about problems she had, etc. and who I brought a Babies R Us gift card and several bowls of soup after she had a baby, SHE defriended me. An older man who was in a Bible study group with me and who even volunteered to help my students with a project when I used to work at a college for a while defriended me. Several other people who I thought were "close" church friends did. But they kept nearly everyone else. I am still traumatized by all this. I had to switch churches even. And again, I did nothing "wrong" to these people. I was nice to them, NICE! It traumatized me and made me think that maybe a new gossipy lady who had just joined the church and took over a bunch of committees was maybe responsible and maybe that gossipy lady didn't like me and said negative things about me to people... Thus contributing to my "social paranoia" on top of social anxiety.:roll


That's messed up but don't question your character. It's them. People are just plain erratic when it comes to social media.

As stated above, I sympathize.


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## pablo123 (Feb 19, 2013)

im 20 and i totally get what you mean it just happened to me today. so i have a group on whatsapp with all my "friends" and i send a text and no one answered back, and just a few moments later another friend sent a text about other topic and everyone answered immediately and s*it. it really irritates me i feel like everyone tries to ignore me or i feel like they dont like me but i dont know why. am i to boring? or wtf is it?


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## Tomfoolery (Mar 31, 2012)

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel. It's not a problem when they communicate amongst themselves, but when it's me, my 'friends' go on ignore mode. Guess I just won't talk to anyone for another 4 months or so.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I used to take it personally from a friend, but then I realized he has a lot of other friends and he's probably too busy to focus his attention on one person. I'd avoid him, but he's one of the few friends I've got left.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

Im probably guilty of that. I tend to leave my fb open when im not even home.  and i will get into moods where i just dont want to play catch up. so i tell my friends another time. Im horrible when it comes to keeping up with friends. I just rarely care about talking when it is how are you im good, good etc.


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## WhatBITW (Jan 26, 2013)

Too much thinking is being done.


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## Vilanelle (Jul 22, 2013)

WhatBITW said:


> Too much thinking is being done.


I agree but how so?


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

TheSeeker said:


> Im going through something symilar with someone I know. We are (well maybe were, im still deciding) friends. We would talk, occasionally go out to eat ect. Then they got a new job and it's like I don't hear from them anymore. Like at all. I know their busy, but regardless of how busy I was, I always made time for them. I also think that they met some new people and have been spending more time with them. But it hurts to just be cut off completely. You think your friends with someone on say like a level 8, but it turns out you were only like a level 3 with them. It's like I always worry about how much I mean to my friends. Understanding that I might not mean as much to them as they do to me. It can hurt but at the same time I really don't give a s**t anymore either. It gets so exhausting constantly worrying.


I totally understand. I have a friend right now who I am questioning my friendship with and who I maybe "view as a level 8 but they see me as maybe a level 3."

She frequently blows off my messages but they from time to time will be all friendly with me.

Well, I found out my son broke his wrist camping with my in laws. I am very upset and I emailed her about it. I got a notice she "saw" the message but didn't even respond back with a quick "I hope he's okay."

That right there sealed the deal for me. She's not a real friend. I'm always saying I'm gonna distance myself from here, but I keep going back to sending her messages. Nope. No "I hope he's okay." That's low. Low.


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

CeeDee4 said:


> I totally understand. I have a friend right now who I am questioning my friendship with and who I maybe "view as a level 8 but they see me as maybe a level 3."
> 
> She frequently blows off my messages but they from time to time will be all friendly with me.
> 
> ...


Okay, she did write back later and say she hopes he's okay. But wow. I really thought she would blow off that one too. Argh...


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## TheSeeker (Jun 12, 2013)

CeeDee4 said:


> Okay, she did write back later and say she hopes he's okay. But wow. I really thought she would blow off that one too. Argh...


Thats good that she did at least respond. It's still bad that we have to be that close to severing ties with people we thought were friends. I guess I can be reluctant in letting someone go. I don't have many friends to begin with, but if I have to, it's better then being constantly blown off, and feeling ingnored.


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## Auroras (Jul 24, 2013)

I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me but then I return the favor by blowing off their texts too. Hey, it's only fair :wink


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## TheSeeker (Jun 12, 2013)

Auroras said:


> I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me but then I return the favor by blowing off their texts too. Hey, it's only fair :wink


Yeah I admit im guilty of doing that from time to time too.:yes


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## Auroras (Jul 24, 2013)

TheSeeker said:


> Yeah I admit im guilty of doing that from time to time too.:yes


Feels good doesn't it?


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## TheSeeker (Jun 12, 2013)

Auroras said:


> Feels good doesn't it?


Well I might read into it to much. But I figure that if they don't want to talk to me i'll just give them space. When they want to talk to me then that might be the time *I *don't want to talk. Sometimes I just feel like being away from everybody.


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## Auroras (Jul 24, 2013)

TheSeeker said:


> Well I might read into it to much. But I figure that if they don't want to talk to me i'll just give them space. When they want to talk to me then that might be the time *I *don't want to talk. Sometimes I just feel like being away from everybody.


Understandable. For me, it's always about playing fair. It's most likely a defense mechanism so that no one takes my friendship for granted. Which reminds me I need to text a friend, she probably has waited long enough.


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## TheSeeker (Jun 12, 2013)

Auroras said:


> Understandable. For me, it's always about playing fair. It's most likely a defense mechanism so that no one takes my friendship for granted. Which reminds me I need to text a friend, she probably has waited long enough.


Yeah I can see that too. If the friendship is strong enough then it should have no problem surviving a communication drought. Regardless of who starts it. Unless of course it goes on for to long without a response, the it can become damaged.


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## pansie707 (Jul 21, 2013)

I feel as if you've read my mind. When you know people have seen your messages and they just don't reply. It hurts ALOT. Especially when your asking them something or trying to make plans. It's hard to blow off, it makes me feel sick.


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## ApathyDivine (Feb 28, 2012)

I don't bother messaging people anymore :/


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## mik (Dec 11, 2011)

Not really. Im not going to sit there sobbing because someone didnt message me back or blew me off. People got stuff to do and I wouldnt be wasting my time waiting for someone to message me. I have way too many things to do then worry about things like that.


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## pansie707 (Jul 21, 2013)

Vilanelle said:


> Kind of like this thread "seen by 88, replied to by 4"...now 5...
> Funny, I was just complaining to my mom about this. I sent a friend of mine a really sweet message through facebook (never the place!) and she read it and never responded. I was mad, how could I not be? The first , and probably only message I have ever sent, read but not seen. If it were truly seen, she would have replied would she have not?
> It angers me- facebook, her, myself.
> My mom says it's just my expectations. What expectations? A message is meant to be received and replied to. But that's us. We're the "weird ones".


I seriously believe that you just read my mind. That's exactly how I feel.


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## MelBryant (Jul 19, 2013)

I feel your pain ) the way people treat you says more about them than you remember that. And you are not the only person they treat like that. 

You have to look after yourself - are these the type of people that you want to be your friends anyway? Sometimes you have to cut the 'takers' loose and put your energy into the relationships that add to your life - these are the ones that are worthy of you and appreciate you!

Your opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters - work on building your self image and you will rely less on the approval of others

All the best!


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## fullmetalmage (Jul 27, 2013)

MelBryant said:


> I feel your pain- the way people treat you says more about them than you remember that. And you are not the only person they treat like that.


I completely agree. And I wanted to jump on the train saying it really does suck, when you absolutely KNOW people ignored you. I cant always reply or whatnot but i make it a point to eventually asap get back to them when i have the right mindset to-

I left a facebook message for a girl that used to be my sorority big sister (didnt work out, but she saidddd shed still be there for me and listen to me if i needed her, and she does listen, but still- it bummed me she didnt actually want to get to know me.. i digress though)

"I would post something on your wall, but i think itd be more appropriate here. Happy Birthday _______ thank you for being there and listening to me vent whenever i needed to, and putting up with me- Be sure to have fun, but safe still- and, it was reassuring to hear you say that you'd always be there for me. It means a lot-
from your favorite SAE Ryan"

She 'saw' it. Didn't reply. Momentary sadness and being pissed off, feeling like an idiot that i even bothered.


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

pansie707 said:


> I feel as if you've read my mind. When you know people have seen your messages and they just don't reply. It hurts ALOT. Especially when your asking them something or trying to make plans. It's hard to blow off, it makes me feel sick.


Yes, totally. I get sick and depressed about it. That one "friend" of mine I still keep sending messages to and she sometimes answers, but not always. She's also blown off every attempt I've made to hang out so far this summer. It hurts, but I think when people are "busy" more than three times in a row, it means they just aren't interested in hanging out with you.


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## Alice1222 (Jul 27, 2013)

I am exactly the same! Every time I write to someone on Facebook I'll spend a lot of time to type a nice message or just try my best to be nice. Then when I check that chat again, I'll just find out that instead of not reading it yet, they read it but simply ignored it. This has happened a lot of times. I know that sometimes people are busy and when they do get the time they forget... But it hurts like hell. My social anxiety is telling me every time about how much they hate me. I know that's not the case, and if that was the case then all of my friends are exaggerating a lot. I don't know anymore... I hate being able to check if someone has received my message, like on kik or facebook. Sometimes I'll have sent a text and then they will go ahead and post a pic on Instagram without texting me back, and I'll just feel like 'Okay, thank you so much for deciding that posting that picture on Instagram had more meaning than answering to me, that you felt so bored that you just had to post that picture means a lot to me since not even when you're bored did you answer me'. Sorry for complaining so much, I just HATE it when people ignore your messages.


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

...Actually, I think I know why it hurts. Because I for one, NEVER blow off responding to a message unless, UNLESS the person is annoying me or making me feel weird. I will always respond to a friend asking me something, and usually I send a response within a minute or two, even if I am busy.

So knowing that people out there "see" our messages but don't respond to them, it lets us into their heads. They obviously hesitate when responding. And hesitation means they are holding back.

I work in marketing now and my supervisor often says, "no response is a response." That means they are sending you a somewhat passive aggressive message by not outwardly responding or acknowledging you.

If we are allowed to post links here, I found a good article online at http://personalcommunications.net/blog/?p=33


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

There is only one case right now where I can admit I AM holding back on responding to someone's Facebook messages. It's an older guy I am casual friends with from being in a discussion group with him years back. We've kept in touch online for years, but only see each other in person once in a while. 

Well, lately he's been making me feel uncomfortable. He's a little flirty ane even semi obsessive, even though I am married and have kids. He's not married but has a long time girlfriend and no kids. His semi flirtatious texts to me never really bothered me before and I would often find myself texting him online when I was bored and lonely and he was always there to listen... But, I now wonder if he only listened because his intentions were not very "pure" maybe? I'm not a supermodel by any means LOL but he'd always tell me I was "cute" or "cury" or a "hottie." 

A bunch of people from the discussion group where I met him got together in person last week to meet at a concert. He had texted me all day long, like every five minutes, to settle plans for the concert. Again, I did not get too weirded out by that at the time, but lots of people would. You know me, I always respond. Well at the concert, he didn't talk much but he just stared at me a lot. Then afterward he texted me nonstop again asking why I "looked preoccupied" at the concert and such. I then got more messages from him, one was saying how he "noticed I has viewed his message but did not respond."

At that point, I freaked. I have two more messages from him and I'm afraid to open them now for fear that he'll see I viewed them. I know that you can after the fact mark a message as "unread" on Facebook and it will take away the viewed thing, but I'm afraid that he may get a viewed check if he's online before I fix it.

Yes, this whole thing is so complicated.

But bottom line is, chances are that if you do not respond to someone, at least in my world, it is because they bother you or creep you out or you just don't like them. If you like someone, or if they are your true friend, you respond.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

I'm guilty of this. It's either blatant SA or the person in question has been a douche.


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## cmed (Oct 17, 2009)

No it doesn't bother me because who knows what is happening on their end. They could be busy, or their account could've been hacked and it's a hacker ignoring me, or maybe they're having an important and urgent conversation with someone else and that has to take priority, or maybe they just don't feel like it at the moment. Whatever. It only bothers me when those people get mad when you do it back to them. Too many people demand more respect and special treatment than they're willing to give.

Now if someone blatantly ignores it (as opposed to just putting it off until later) then yeah that does bother me a little and my opinion of that person changes. That's only fair though. You reap what you sow.


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## CeeDee4 (Jul 21, 2013)

I think we all can agree that, like it or not, social media can make or break a friendship.

While Facebook, etc. can help us keep in touch and feel closer, even make new friends, it can rip us apart.

As for messages that are ignore, once or twice if the person is busy is probably no big deal if the friendship is strong enough.

But for REPEATEDLY ignored messages, it's a digital imprint of the other person's assessment of you.


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## froyo (Oct 24, 2012)

Very appropriate thread as I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment

I sent someone a message saying "hi" on IM. We hadn't talked in a few weeks so I wanted to see how they were doing. Well, they were clearly online but no response. 

Like ok, if you were busy or didn't want to talk, at least say "hey" back to acknowledge me. I know I shouldn't take things seriously, but it hurts when you used to talk bunches with the person. Out of sight, out of mind much?


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

I'm actually experiencing this at the moment. On Facebook, I had this old friend (who I had a bit of a falling out with after I changed high schools) add me out of nowhere because another mutual friend has seen me post in the social group for the university I'm about to attend. 

This was a guy that was literally one of my best friends a few years ago. Talked on Facebook all the time. Now he adds me and...nothing has really happened. He hasn't replied to any of my messages and he doesn't seem very interested in talking to me. Clearly I don't mean THAT much to him and I'm obviously just a means to up his friend count.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Sometimes I'm like this, I'll see a text and I'll be busy... then I forget to respond LOL.

Other times I get a text from someone, they keep sending more because I'm not responding then that just comes off as really needy so I feel more inclined to not respond.


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## Lonely Tiger (Aug 8, 2013)

Yes i absolutly hate it. I wrote to some friends on facebook and they never bothered to reply back, they're starting to strike me as insincere.


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## Tomfoolery (Mar 31, 2012)

It happens all the time. On steam, facebook, whatever. My solution was to just stop messaging people. Now I don't talk to anyone.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

yes hate it ...


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