# Dating



## NotFullyHere (Apr 29, 2018)

What do you typically look for in a person you would consider dating?


Example:

1- Older/younger
2- Someone with the knowledge/experience of SA and depression or without
3- Healthy lifestyle/Non-healthy lifestyle
4- With income/without income
5- Positive mindset/negative mindset
6- Carries a good conversation



Love to hear your thoughts!


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## darkcyberpunk (Mar 2, 2020)

1- Younger
2- N/A
3- Healthy lifestyle
4- N/A
5- N/A


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## Fixxer (Jul 12, 2011)

1- Older
2- Someone with the knowledge/experience of SA and depression
3- Healthy lifestyle
4- With income/without income (depends how it can be worked out/)
5- Positive mindset/negative mindset (positive if possible, but some can be "talked" into being more positive).
6- Carries a good conversation (?) maybe but I like to have my quiet space and alone time so .. ?


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

1- Doesn't matter.
2- Preferably, makes it easier to relate to.
3- Only healthy.
4- Doesn't matter.
5- Positive mindset.
6- Doesn't matter.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

There are some patterns in what I've found attractive but I can't say I've ever been looking.

1- IRL it's mostly people my own age or around my age, with famous people or others online probably older or younger. Last person I found attractive at all was a fictional character played by a 50~ year old woman. I don't think it's hugely important.
2- Doesn't really matter if they're understanding. Even if they have SA/depression/other mental health conditions they might not be or they might project more easily.
3- Don't think about this much if I find them physically attractive.
4- Irrelevant.
5- Tend to be attracted to mildly cynical people.
6- Yeah this is probably important especially for long term relationships.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

1- I tend to go for older. I need someone who is mature and truly interested in having a serious relationship.
2- I need someone who is empathetic to mental health issues. SA, depression, or other issues are fine. I like em a bit crazy. 
3- Either is ok. We can get healthier together but they should like to eat bad food with me occasionally!
4- They should have some kind of income or be applying to jobs.
5- Both, just depends on their mood.
6- It's helpful because I'm not great with conversation. Shy is fine, but hopefully there's something we can talk a lot about, like a mutual hobby.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

1 - either
2 - either
3 - either
4 - either
5 - either
6 - either
(also just nobody seems like a good option)

there are multiple archetypes which seem interesting. what is the most relevant is what role i can see myself performing. there are some things i will avoid based on past experience. none of those were really listed. i seek comfort, sex, physical attraction, and validation. comfort and validation are the tricky ones. physical attraction is easily gauged. sex drive varies. difficulty with relationships being where people change but were expected to stay the same. really long term relationships seem dependent on external factors, how settled the people are in terms of personality, ability to endure unwanted change. i have a tendency towards addiction/addictive levels of desire, sub par coping mechanisms, averse to change. i ended up seeking chaotic partners to short circuit that problem which worked until the partner crosses a line and i had to bail. but i also had a very stable, unemotional partner who i got incredibly bored with so left.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I'm not really looking, but I still see stuff, I consider myself kinda obsolete from that perspective, but simplified hypothetical scenario might go something like.... 

1. Female +/- 10 years 

2. Wouldn't matter if open/understanding.

3. Well I'd prefer neither anorexic or obese something in between, I'm not fond of smoking but drugs & alcohol would be ok if they share. 

4. Wouldn't matter. 

5. I prefer on the negative side cause its more realistic, eternal optimists are delusional but it must be nice to live that way, might be interesting to study one up close. 

6. Meh not super important, but fairly bright, interesting would be good. 

Note (Nothing would be set in stone though, a compatable personality or vibe would trump all)


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I don't bother looking because I've never met anyone's criteria, myself.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Well, they'd have to be attracted to me, which rules out 99.9999999% of the population. Beggars can't be choosers.

But traits and relationship dynamics that I avoid are things like the following:

1. People who look down on other people and like to express their contempt (eg. calling people fat, ugly, lazy, etc.). I find this trait completely intolerable. Unfortunately, it also happens to be very common.
2. A dynamic in which I'm forced to be the other person's parent. I can't feel romantic/sexual attraction toward a person in need of maternal care. I can love you, or I can mother you, but I can't do both.
3. Intense jealousy. This trait makes my skin crawl. I'd never feel safe around a person like that.
4. Someone who is continually bored and/or apathetic. I can sympathize, but I'm an insanely driven person and those feelings are too alien and incongruous with my own. We'd be operating on entirely different wavelengths. I find drive/passion very attractive.

A lot of things that other people look for don't seem that important to me. I'm used to dealing with crazy, so I can handle a partner who's crazy, as long as they're not crazy in a way that makes me afraid or kills my attraction (as in the examples above). I don't really care about money; I've always been dirt poor, so I don't expect anyone else to do better. I don't think simply having anxiety or another disorder that I have gives two people enough in common to form the basis of a relationship. I don't care if someone's a health nut, or likes to live recklessly, as long as they don't expect me to copy them. I can usually figure people out, regardless of how bad a communicator they are, so I can make up for another person's lack in that area. Appearance is a negligible issue, but BO is a killer.


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## J Black (Apr 26, 2020)

1- doesn't matter as long as she's mature.

2- Someone with knowledge of mental illnesses in general. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder primarily.

3-Working towards a healthy lifestyle. She needs to be obsessed with exercise but bonus points if she's currently fat or overweight. I would like to witness the transformation.

4- doesn't matter as long as together we can keep ourselves off the street.

5- Positive mindset although you can't be positive 100% of the time

6- doesn't matter as long as she shows affection.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk


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## NotFullyHere (Apr 29, 2018)

Thank you to those who took the time to really consider these questions, I myself have been thinking a lot lately about compatibility and whether I have what it takes to be a good partner for someone. I hope we all can find comfort and peace, one way or another. ✌

Here are my answers to the questions I posted:

1- Older/younger
= Younger but has a mature mindset.

2- Someone with the knowledge/experience of SA and depression or without
= Definitely someone who has SA/Depression, or someone who at the least is fully aware of its negative effects.

3- Healthy lifestyle/Non-healthy lifestyle
= Healthy lifestyle. 

4- With income/without income
= Someone who works and keeps themselves busy.

5- Positive mindset/negative mindset
= Positive. But we all know how bad mood swings can get from time to time so helping each other stay positive is important.

6- Carries a good conversation
= I'm not so much of a talker so I would like a partner who can talk their donkey's off. Hopefully, it'll rub-off on me, even.. Haha


Stay safe everyone, don't let the virus get you!


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Very hard to find someone who simultaneously has depression and a positive mindset. Good luck with that.

What I look for is mostly just that rare natural conversational click where I feel comfortable with someone. Without that nothing else matters at all, and with that nothing else matters that much. But as an ideal:
1- Preferably near my age, but I relate to younger better than older
2- Someone without serious ongoing mental health problems -- everyone I dated had them and it always made things extremely difficult.
3- Moderately healthy. Extreme health nuts are annoying, but a heroin addict morbidly-obese cancer patient isn't much fun either.
4- Someone who doesn't ask me for money, who I won't ask for money, but likes to do things that don't cost money
5- Neutral mindset. I like when people can see both sides of things.
6- Needn't be good at conversing with anyone else, but we need to have conversational flow together and also be comfortable being silent together sometimes


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

1. Don't Care
2. Obviously with. But they don't need it, they need to empathize.
3. Hopefully a promotion of a healthy life style.
4.I mean how I connect with a person and whether or not I interact with them should not be dependent on their wealth, but I like them as a person. But I feel like the majority doesn't feels the same way.
5. Rational mindset.
6.lolwut?


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

- non-smoker
- not a heavy drinker
- doesn't do drugs
- physically in good shape. Doesn't have to be muscular, but can't be chubby either
- makes money and is financially independent
- no beard/glasses/tattoos
- doesn't dress like a hipster
- has hair
- outgoing, talkative
- at least average in intelligence
- adventurous
- has no reproductive ambitions
- doesn't cheat/lie/steal
- likes cats, or at least tolerates them
- good personal hygiene
- doesn't have an overbearing family


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## Krum (Dec 11, 2010)

*1- Older/younger*
I've dated older and younger, what matters is maturity.
*2- Someone with the knowledge/experience of SA and depression or without*
With the knowledge/experience, all the way. There's a huge chunk of people who think social anxiety isn't even a real thing. I'd much rather spend time with someone who already understands it over someone who I have to explain it to.
*3- Healthy lifestyle/Non-healthy lifestyle*
No real preference here. I like to keep lean, but as long as a partner's bad habits aren't rubbing off on me, I'm fine.
*4- With income/without income*
With income. You can't do anything without money and I'm not pissing away my savings for someone else's sake.
*5- Positive mindset/negative mindset*
I lean more towards positive, but I'm understanding of negative mindsets.
*6- Carries a good conversation*
As long as they make an effort, I'm happy.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

NotFullyHere said:


> What do you typically look for in a person you would consider dating?


a person that makes you feel ok being yourself around, and, in some unspoken way, encourages it.

if you can have chemistry sharing a bag of potato chips, for instance, that's someone you should date.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

1- Age doesn't have a lot of relevance to me in itself, but I would filter in a dating site situation to avoid fetishization/immature adults/youngsters with mommy issues/much older men looking for a 'trophy' to feel better about themselves/etc.
2- Both are fine.
3- A reasonably healthy lifestyle. Also a good relationship with food, or willingness to learn. It's not a way to say 'not fat'. I'd be well down for an overweight cook, but not for someone who lives on takeaway food.
4- Don't care.
5- Overall, positive. It may not be 'realistic' but we need that **** to survive.
6- Crucial. If we can't communicate, why bother? Maybe it's possible to build a relationship on sex and playing MTG alone...actually, no.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Probably will never date anyone again but I never found it all that useful to prejudge people without actually getting to know them first. Which is just one of the (very many) reasons why I'd (a) never want to date again and (b) probably never appeal to anyone anyay. 

I find it very difficult to put attraction into absolutes. I had someone I could have probably lived with once long ago and I ran away. Granted, she had some traits that would have probably been very trying (Like being very clingy) but I'd have probably gotten used to it. She wasn't someone I would have really chosen to date (TBH) if she had not approached me first. TBH, I don't think I ever even paid much attention to her until she approached me. But looking back, she was probably way too good for me anyway. But yeah. We had little in common but we actually got along pretty well and she wasn't bad looking at all. She did do one thing that grosses me out to this day. She used to eat hamburgers with onions and pickles on them and then wanted to kiss with onion and pickle breath. :lol uke

Can't say "I absolutely like this in all cases" and I can't really say "I absolutely hate this in all cases". But then again, I don't really mesh with people very well so I think I'm just not the dating type. Even if anyone actually wanted to be with me I'd probably try to talk them out of it. :lol


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