# When "normal" people lose it...



## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

It was a strange day today.

I went to a jobsearch place which I am obliged to do once a week in order to get government benefits -being that I am still unemployed :spit 
And this guy named Nick who I am acquaintance/friends with was there.

Well, originally he seemed interested in me but once he discovered my anxious behaviour around people cooled off as expected. Still, though, we're 'acquaintance-friends'.

And to try to make a long story short: he is quite a charming, outgoing likeable sort with a real ease around people. ...until, that is -today.
Today, I came out of the bathroom to hear raised voices and it involved him and some Asian lady having a full-on row over some trivial misunderstanding between them.

...It was quite melodramatic. And despite all the talk from either side about who did what etc etc ...the fact remains that both of them really just lost it. Their bickering was really over the top and over something which, even when 'explained' to me, I still don't understand the point.

To sum things up: I've learnt -and it wouldn't be the first time- that people who I sincerely perceive as being quite well adjusted and together end up revealing a side that is quite the opposite.

Being that I have been quite isolated from people -coming to terms with just exactly what is the nature of my emotional difficulties- the reality is that when I am around others (and the example that comes to mind the most is my last place of work) what I observe is a substantial degree of insecurity, dysfunction and neurotic or emotionally troubled behaviour.

And the reason why I say this is basically because for some time I believe I have been kidding my self that it is me who has the VAST majority of the neurosis and emotional problems ...and then, every so often I am given a clear glimpse that the gap between me and "normal" people (people who have jobs, a proper social life, spouses...) isn't so wide at all.

So I am appealing to anyone else who has caught a glimpse of such a thing. -of the "insides" of others. Of seeing through the layer of 'togetherness' and confidence that people like to put forth about themselves. Of instances in which you've seen past the image that people pass off, as if they themselves are really so "normal" anyhow...


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## ImAboutToEXPLODE (Nov 20, 2007)

> Being that I have been quite isolated from people -coming to terms with just exactly what is the nature of my emotional difficulties- the reality is that when I am around others (and the example that comes to mind the most is my last place of work) what I observe is a substantial degree of insecurity, dysfunction and neurotic or emotionally troubled behaviour.
> 
> And the reason why I say this is basically because for some time I believe I have been kidding my self that it is me who has the VAST majority of the neurosis and emotional problems ...and then, every so often I am given a clear glimpse that the gap between me and "normal" people (people who have jobs, a proper social life, spouses...) isn't so wide at all.


YES!! This is something which has come very clear to me just the last couple of years.It is delusion to think in terms of "me" the freak with all the problems, and then "everyone else" who is a well adjusted harmonic person.I think this realization has slowely come from watching plenty of youtube vlogs would you believe it. 

When you think like this you also make things more difficult for yourself, because you think that everyone around you is so fundamentally  different from you, but that isn't true.

You can see from all the fighting and bickering among "normal" people that they are not so "together" as you might have thought they were.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

ImAboutToEXPLODE said:


> You can see from all the fighting and bickering among "normal" people that they are not so "together" as you might have thought they were.


..yeah, it's quite nice really. Especially when it was people who really gave a great impression of actually being very at ease and well adjusted around people (like this guy I'm acquaintance-friends with).

It's almost even like getting a taste of how a spiritual person would look at people. -you know, someone who really isn't taken in by the way things appear. ..it'd be great to have that sense all of the time...


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...I actually forgot to include in my post examples of a few people who I really regarded as being totally calm, easy going and at ease, who then later went on to become either anxious or depressed and anti social.

-Namely, my brother who accept for the last 2 years has been always friendly, easy going, well liked, and fairly popular; but then went through a crisis, was getting bullied at work and cut off from his friends after one of his close friends made a pass at him.

This close friend of course, I had a crush on -thinking that he was the perfect guy- and he was always totally calm, very good natured, very likeable, mature, and good looking.
Then he started to have anxiety issues all of a sudden.
-I was surprised because he didn't seem the type who would have such problems (and this was one reason why I had a crush on him).

And shortly after this phase of anxiety that he went through, he came out of the closet as being homosexual and made a pass at my brother.

(Not that I should be surprised really -I mean he was the 'perfect guy' and such a thing just doesn't exist!! ha ha!)


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

A woman I work with told me that she once got so angry that she threw her SHOE at a secretary! I can't even imagine her doing that!


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## Social_butterfly00 (Jan 28, 2008)

I totally agree with this post! My mom knows how much I suffer over these issues, and she went through the same thing throughout her teens, twenties, and so fourth. She never got proper treatment, but eventually with age maturity, her social anxiety disappeared. She told me these exact words, "You know, I always thought I was the one messed up. That I wasn't the normal one... that the world knew everything and I was out of the loop. But the truth is, there are a lot of dysfunctional people out there, who have no clue what they're doing. And I realized that I'm not the one out of the loop".

This goes beyond talking about SA. There are people that don't have SA but are emotionally messed up in other ways. I mean, in the past, I might have easily been deterred by a seemingly confident person who in reality had no idea what they were talking about. Now I have realized that a lot of people have no clue what they are doing or what they are talking about. I no longer believe that everyone else is right while I'm out of the loop.

It's hard to explain what I'm talking about. I guess my point is we all feel so strange and ridiculous sometimes when we have done nothing wrong at all, and are actually quite normal. People who aren't normal are people we see on Jerry Springer, the crazy homeless people downtown, thiefs, rapists, murderers, etc. There are a lot of people who aren't well mentally and don't feel as bad as we do about ourselves.

I always feel like, I'm crazy, I'm not normal, I'm not mentally well. This problem is minor compared to most people out there.

Im not sure if I got off topic. My point is people dont always appear as they actually are.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...I agree with you, Social Butterfly. And I encourage whatever thoughts you and others may have about this sort of thing.

I think that a significant part of social anxiety (and probably all problems in general, actually) is entertaining the illusion that your flaws are enormous and those of others by comparison are almost non-existent. 

It's probably part of a narcissistic, self-focus -self-consciousness, really- to be caught up in feeling your own fears and worries and miss being open to others' feelings.

-It's actually really normal to be insecure. And my guess is that when a person gets over worrying about their own flaws, that then they can actually put these into perspective with everybody else and their level of problems.

I figure one of the reasons why people like us, who stand out more when it comes to our particular issue(s), sometimes get bullied is because others don't like seeing themselves reflected in us. -They aren't ready yet to accept their flaws, and seeing them in someone else -their reaction is the same: to hide flaws and pretend they don't exist; so a person whose weakness shows then becomes a target for "elimination".

-But it's a cover up. And it's true how you said that it's more sane to be insecure and to actually doubt yourself.

I figure a person has much worse problems when they are in denial of having any problem and/or attack others who don't hide their flaws.

...It's great that you have a mother who understands so well. And it's encouraging to hear how her anxiety decreased with age. I've read about peoples' ability to process emotion improving past middle age.


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## InTheWorldOfNiM (Oct 3, 2010)

RubyTuesday said:


> ...I agree with you, Social Butterfly. And I encourage whatever thoughts you and others may have about this sort of thing.
> 
> I think that a significant part of social anxiety (and probably all problems in general, actually) is entertaining the illusion that your flaws are enormous and those of others by comparison are almost non-existent.
> 
> ...


are you using the old myth explination that bullies bully others because they have low self esteem?


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