# Worrying about dying or getting sick.



## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I've had this problem on and off since I was a kid.I can remember myself as a young child being so afraid of dying that I had panic attacks.
It's basically me fearing that I am going to die.I get very stressed about this and I'm constantly afraid that I am sick or that something is going to happen to me.
Right now it's affecting my eating because I'm so afraid that something will get stuck and that I'll choke.Because of this I chew for a long time and eating takes a lot of time for me.It's affecting me so much that I can't enjoy the food that I am eating.
Also I often have palpitations so I am afraid that something is wrong with my heart.I also have this memory that I am not sure is a memory or a dream where my doctor is telling me that there is something wrong with my heart,but that it's not a big thing.He didn't do any tests,just listened to my heart which is something that makes me suspect that it's just a dream.

I think that all of this worrying about dying or getting sick is affecting me a lot and I haven't really told anyone about this because I feel so stupid.
I'm thinking about going to the doctor,but I don't know what to say and I feel so embarrased.
I feel fine when I'm doing something or when I'm at work,but it's when I'm at home and have a lot of time to think that all of this is coming.
Anyone have any advice or that can relate?


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

Don't be embarrased to talk to your doctor about it I had to when I had thoughts of dying all the time I mean it was all I'd think about when I wasn't busy/sleeping . I don't know if your on any meds but I had to take some to get over the thoughts. I know is it's a terrible feeling and most of the time I just wanted to sleep because my brain would be at ease. 

Anyways someone once told me not worry about things I can't control death is one of those things.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

I have this exact problem. 

When I was a kid I used to lay awake at night as long as I could so that I wouldn't die in my sleep. Weird.

Even now it gets bad. Sometimes the thought flashes into my head right when I hit the pillow, and I know I won't be getting much sleep because I'll be too scared. I put on my headphones and lay there, listening to music or watching videos. It helps to keep my mind clear, but I usually don't sleep until like 3am. (and I have to get up at 6). Sometimes this continues for several nights :um

I don't know why I started having this fear or why it won't go away. I haven't told anyone either. I probably need to talk to a doctor, but what would they even do, other than say "there there, it'll be okay"?

Thanks to this thread I probably won't sleep tonight lol. *charges Zune* (no offense OP, just joking.)


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## bmwfan07 (Jun 3, 2007)

Just out of curiosity, do you (OP) have bipolar disorder or recurrent depression that may be a soft form of bipolar? I'm wondering because this particular fear seems to be very common in people with bipolar, for some reason. 

I intermittently had an intense fear of throwing up in public (a manifestation of social anxiety) as an early adolescent. Anticipating social situations, let alone being in them, would provoke pseudo-panic attacks with gagging. I got over it by immersing myself in precisely those situations--and never vomited. While you obviously can't immerse yourself in your own death, perhaps volunteering at a hospital and seeing death for yourself would help you get over the fear--seeing that it isn't as bad as you're convinced it is. I'm not sure this is practical unless you have enough time and are sufficiently motivated, but this kind of exposure therapy can help for even the most extreme phobias.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Eliza said:


> When I was a kid I used to lay awake at night as long as I could so that I wouldn't die in my sleep.


I never really gave death much thought as a kid. After all, death was something that happened to "old" people and as a kid a human life span -- even a short life -- seemed to be on par with infinity. I remember thinking how in the year 2000 I'd be 27 and how old that was. Looking back, 27, now a distant dot in the rear view mirror, appears quite young.

At this point I'd very much welcome falling asleep and never waking up again, dying without being conscious to even know it's happening. It would provide the perfect solution to my hell on earth, so with my luck I'm confident I'll wake up even though I'd prefer not to.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I have very little fear of actually dying. I'm way more worried about pain, or having a long drawn out painful death. What's scary about closing your eyes and going to sleep and not waking up?


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## ValiantThor (Dec 6, 2010)

better then having a fear of giant asteroids slamming into earth and killing everyone on the surface. i use to get so scared i wouldnt leave my house for weeks, or even look at the sky.


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## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

You're worrying because you unconsciously believe that you can slow it down. Actually, the opposite happens.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

bmwfan07 said:


> Just out of curiosity, do you (OP) have bipolar disorder or recurrent depression that may be a soft form of bipolar? I'm wondering because this particular fear seems to be very common in people with bipolar, for some reason.
> 
> I intermittently had an intense fear of throwing up in public (a manifestation of social anxiety) as an early adolescent. Anticipating social situations, let alone being in them, would provoke pseudo-panic attacks with gagging. I got over it by immersing myself in precisely those situations--and never vomited. While you obviously can't immerse yourself in your own death, perhaps volunteering at a hospital and seeing death for yourself would help you get over the fear--seeing that it isn't as bad as you're convinced it is. I'm not sure this is practical unless you have enough time and are sufficiently motivated, but this kind of exposure therapy can help for even the most extreme phobias.


I don't think I have bipolar disorder,but depression yes.I've been depressed for some time now and I've been depressed before.Seems like this fear always comes back when I'm depressed so there's defintely a connection there.

I already work at a hospital and it hasen't changed the way I feel a bit.If anything I think my fear has been enforced by all the sickness and death that's in there.
I think that exposure is a good thing,but in this case it's not the way to go.I think I'd rather need some kind of coping mechanism or something that could take my thoughts away from thinking about stuff like that.

But I remember that my fear was even greater when I was a kid.I would be so scared of getting sick or dying that it would almost be the only thing that I thought about for the whole day.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

WTFnooooo said:


> You're worrying because you unconsciously believe that you can slow it down. Actually, the opposite happens.


That's not it at all.
I fear that I'm going to die because I want to live.I'm not ready to die and I have a lot of stuff I'd like to do before I die.I've also experienced loved ones die young so that has made me think even more about dying.

But it's affecting my life quality that's for sure..
I wondering if I should go to the doctor for a check up,just to rule out anything that might be wrong all though I haven't really felt anything.Just to maybe calm myself down.


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## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

Invisible_girl said:


> That's not it at all.
> I fear that I'm going to die because I want to live.I'm not ready to die and I have a lot of stuff I'd like to do before I die.I've also experienced loved ones die young so that has made me think even more about dying.
> 
> But it's affecting my life quality that's for sure..
> I wondering if I should go to the doctor for a check up,just to rule out anything that might be wrong all though I haven't really felt anything.Just to maybe calm myself down.


You have admitted that you do want to slow down your death, hence you want to live more. That's obvious, I want that myself! But worrying about it like you're worrying wont do that, that was my point.

Young people dying. You think they worry now that they are dead? They can't, they are dead, and they did not know they will die so soon, so what was the point of worrying if they did worry?

Imagine you die now, and think about how much you worried about dying. Was it worth it? Did it stop death? Did it slow it down?(Science says it doesn't, it does the opposite).

You could go to a doctor to check yourself and see how you can prevent/cure any problems you might have with your health. This can make you live longer.

(You probably do this already but I'll mention it anyway)
Exercise is very important, if you don't, start soon. Learn about it and do it, not just do it without proper research on the matter.
Eat simpler foods. Whole grain. Lean meats, vegs/fruits. Avoid refined sugar and white flour. No animal milk. Drink plenty of fluids, water.


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## AnxiousRabbit (Jan 24, 2011)

Maybe you could drink smoothies. Just get one of those Montel blenders and blend everything up?


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I have this mole on the side of my chest that's been developing. I'm not afraid to die or anything I am just afraid that death will impede my ability to achieve what I want to achieve. I'd rather die without regrets.


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## unreasonable man (Jan 22, 2011)

I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, major depression and OCD. I experience exactly what you're talking about. I'm practically afraid of my own heartbeat, if I start listening to it I will go into a panic attack. I too have minor palpitations/PVCs and my blood pressure runs borderline at times because my anxiety levels are so high. I sometimes have chest pain and high heart rate. Sometimes my heart is beating so fast I would do just about anything to make it stop, I get this sensation of feeling trapped and desperate, as if I'm stuck on a roller coaster and they won't let me off. 

Every doctor I've seen has insisted nothing is wrong with my heart. My new doctor is going to give me a heart stress test just to assure me nothing is wrong and I'm worried as all hell they're going to find something. 

I've probably suspected I've had just about every major, common catastrophic health problem in the world. I've worried I might have cancers, I've worried about diseases that affect every system in the body from respiratory, digestive, cardiac, circulatory, neurological, you name it.

Worst of all, in addition to my physical health worries I have an irrational fear of going insane, which is thanks to experiencing extreme panic attacks. With my attacks I experience the full range of symptoms, including the sudden fear of "losing control," and derealization/depersonalization. I become too aware of my peripheral vision, to the point that I'll think something sitting beside me is "off" and look over to be sure I'm not hallucinating, like seeing something out of the corner of my eye. Every physician I've ever met has assured me I'm not hallucinating, just experiencing panic/paranoia. I have constant "reality checks," part of this is the obsessive part of my OCD. I am almost pure O. 

I have lots of "what if" thoughts and disturbing mental images that can be really intrusive. Obsessive worries, as well; like if I'm using a knife when preparing a meal I keep having the intrusive thought and mental image that I'm going to accidentally slice myself open. I catch myself tracing patterns with my feet or hands or keeping a specific patterned rhythm in my normal body movements, and other weird compulsive tics like that. My doctors have all assured me it's a compulsion, nothing more. 

Sometimes I've suffered in near constant states of panic attacks feeding off one and other for 3-5 months straight before they relent. I had my first bonafide panic attack when I was 5 years old, I'm in my young 20s now. Some years of my life they've been somewhat dormant, some years they come back. Since age 18 I've kind of been in another rut with them, though I've had about a year of "off-time" interspersed. All of my problems start with thinking too much, especially about my physical and mental health. Obsessing. 

It's not all gloomy though. I keep my chin up. Being a bit of an agoraphobe gives me a lot of spare time to study and that's something I take a lot of solace in. I try to think on the bright side, that having to deal with an adversity or abnormality like this in my life makes me an interesting person with my own quirks, and better prepares me to deal with the challenges I will face in the future. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and what is a man without the struggle? You have to walk on two feet every day, every footstep should be therapy. You have to think of it like that.

There is nothing wrong with you. Keep reassuring yourself. If it were a serious illness and you've been suffering it this long there would be serious repercussions. You're alive and more well than you give yourself credit for. Do whatever you can to divert your worries, try to channel them into positivity. And if you can, get on a responsible prescription drug regimen. Xanax is a real lifesaver for me, I do not trust anti-psychiatry types. 

Good luck and good mental health from the western United States.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

AnxiousRabbit said:


> Maybe you could drink smoothies. Just get one of those Montel blenders and blend everything up?


Wow,that was a great advice.The solution to my problems.Thanks,you're a life saver.(yes,I'm being ironic)


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

unreasonable man said:


> I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, major depression and OCD. I experience exactly what you're talking about. I'm practically afraid of my own heartbeat, if I start listening to it I will go into a panic attack. I too have minor palpitations/PVCs and my blood pressure runs borderline at times because my anxiety levels are so high. I sometimes have chest pain and high heart rate. Sometimes my heart is beating so fast I would do just about anything to make it stop, I get this sensation of feeling trapped and desperate, as if I'm stuck on a roller coaster and they won't let me off.
> 
> Every doctor I've seen has insisted nothing is wrong with my heart. My new doctor is going to give me a heart stress test just to assure me nothing is wrong and I'm worried as all hell they're going to find something.
> 
> ...


Thanks 

I've also been afraid of going crazy and sometimes I get these weird or disturbing images in my head which makes me worry.
I'm also really good at thinking what if this or that and I'm annoyed with all this worrying about stuff,but I'm trying to reassure myself that nothing is wrong and that everything will be fine.
I'd like to be more relaxed since I've been worrying all my life.Even as a young child I was worrying over stuff all the time.


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## Marce (Jan 5, 2011)

I have that problem. For years now I have spent a lot of money on doctors and studies only to find out it's just anxiety. I get heart palpitations, my jaw. lips and arm go numb at night, I get chest pressure and difficulty breathing and then I'm afraid it's the heart. I even went to a cardiologist & was told my heart is fine. I also have acid reflux disease. Now I worry about getting esophogeal cancer. Right now I have a kidney infection and I worry about getting kidney disease. Lately I have been having terrible nights. I take a long time to fall asleep and when I am finally falling asleep I wake myself up with this terrible feeling that I'm slipping into death or something and I find it hard to breathe. It's so tiring because I find myself trying to go to sleep and waking myself up gasping for air. It's odd. It's a cycle. And then the thoughs begin. I have two daughters (ages 10 & 7) and I constantly worry about what would happen if I'm gone). Then toughts about a painful death, etc.

Are you on any meds? I had just started with Xanax but then I got the kidney infection so I stopped while I get better with that (since too many pills make the kidneys work too hard). But the one night I took Xanax I was able to sleep through the night, which is rare for me.


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## unreasonable man (Jan 22, 2011)

Marce said:


> I have that problem. For years now I have spent a lot of money on doctors and studies only to find out it's just anxiety. I get heart palpitations, my jaw. lips and arm go numb at night, I get chest pressure and difficulty breathing and then I'm afraid it's the heart. I even went to a cardiologist & was told my heart is fine. I also have acid reflux disease. Now I worry about getting esophogeal cancer. Right now I have a kidney infection and I worry about getting kidney disease. Lately I have been having terrible nights. I take a long time to fall asleep and when I am finally falling asleep *I wake myself up with this terrible feeling that I'm slipping into death or something and I find it hard to breathe.* It's so tiring because *I find myself trying to go to sleep and waking myself up gasping for air.* It's odd. It's a cycle. And then the thoughs begin. I have two daughters (ages 10 & 7) and I constantly worry about what would happen if I'm gone). Then toughts about a painful death, etc.
> 
> Are you on any meds? I had just started with Xanax but then I got the kidney infection so I stopped while I get better with that (since too many pills make the kidneys work too hard). But the one night I took Xanax I was able to sleep through the night, which is rare for me.


Have you been tested for sleep apnea? I mean I do not doubt you're experiencing anxiety but specifically the two things I bolded are very common in sleep apnea. It's nothing to be scared of, it sounds more scary than it is, but basically your body forgets to breathe when you get into deep sleep resulting that awakening where you gasp for air. I have had a few episodes of sleep apnea, it's very common in my family, and I will probably be sleeping with a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine when I get older. This is a little box you sit on your night stand which has a hose and a mask attached that go over your mouth and nose. It constantly blows air into your airway to keep it open, it works like a charm.

Sometimes chest pains / high blood pressure / water retention / any number of scary symptoms can be caused by sleep apnea. Years ago my mother saw three doctors who all told her she was probably having congestive heart failure. When they finally sent her to a cardiologist, they like your cardiologist told her that her heart was healthy. She saw an internal medicine doctor who recommended a sleep study, and they found her oxygen levels were dropping at night which was causing this mess of symptoms. After sleeping with the mask on for about a week 90% of her physical symptoms went away.

Not discrediting any anxiety disorder you may be suffering, but you might ask your doctor about sleep apnea and see if they will do a sleep study on you. The most common kind I know of is they make you sleep with small testing device attached. You bring it in and the readings will be used to diagnose you. People who can afford it / have insurance that will cover it may also stay the night at a really cushy "sleep center" where they can be monitored and waited on by nurses overnight. I would talk to your doctor and request which ever of those methods you prefer.

Having sleep apnea is not a medical emergency but it can put a lot of stress on the body. That could be feeding any anxiety problems you suffer from.

Good luck and good mental health.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

Marce said:


> I have that problem. For years now I have spent a lot of money on doctors and studies only to find out it's just anxiety. I get heart palpitations, my jaw. lips and arm go numb at night, I get chest pressure and difficulty breathing and then I'm afraid it's the heart. I even went to a cardiologist & was told my heart is fine. I also have acid reflux disease. Now I worry about getting esophogeal cancer. Right now I have a kidney infection and I worry about getting kidney disease. Lately I have been having terrible nights. I take a long time to fall asleep and when I am finally falling asleep I wake myself up with this terrible feeling that I'm slipping into death or something and I find it hard to breathe. It's so tiring because I find myself trying to go to sleep and waking myself up gasping for air. It's odd. It's a cycle. And then the thoughs begin. I have two daughters (ages 10 & 7) and I constantly worry about what would happen if I'm gone). Then toughts about a painful death, etc.
> 
> Are you on any meds? I had just started with Xanax but then I got the kidney infection so I stopped while I get better with that (since too many pills make the kidneys work too hard). But the one night I took Xanax I was able to sleep through the night, which is rare for me.


No,I'm not on any meds.I'm kind of skeptical to taking any because I don't like not knowing what goes into my body.
I don't know.I'd like to not take any,but then again I'm not totally sure since it might help.


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## Marce (Jan 5, 2011)

unreasonable man said:


> Have you been tested for sleep apnea? I mean I do not doubt you're experiencing anxiety but specifically the two things I bolded are very common in sleep apnea. It's nothing to be scared of, it sounds more scary than it is, but basically your body forgets to breathe when you get into deep sleep resulting that awakening where you gasp for air. I have had a few episodes of sleep apnea, it's very common in my family, and I will probably be sleeping with a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine when I get older. This is a little box you sit on your night stand which has a hose and a mask attached that go over your mouth and nose. It constantly blows air into your airway to keep it open, it works like a charm.
> 
> Sometimes chest pains / high blood pressure / water retention / any number of scary symptoms can be caused by sleep apnea. Years ago my mother saw three doctors who all told her she was probably having congestive heart failure. When they finally sent her to a cardiologist, they like your cardiologist told her that her heart was healthy. She saw an internal medicine doctor who recommended a sleep study, and they found her oxygen levels were dropping at night which was causing this mess of symptoms. After sleeping with the mask on for about a week 90% of her physical symptoms went away.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the information! I don't think its sleep apnea, though. The gasping for air only happens when I'm barely falling asleep and it's similar to the difficulty breathing I experience when in the middle of a panic attack. I wake myself up because I'm afraid of falling asleep. Once asleep I'm fine. It just takes an eternity for me to get there. I will look into sleep apnea, though. It's always good to know.

Once again, thank you! Have a nice day!

Marce


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I kind of worry about getting sick - I am a germophobe. 

I had a cold two weeks ago that I still have a lingering cough for.

I come out of it thinking "wow, my immune system really kicked tail on this one!" :lol

As for dying, it scared me once. I don't want to go or anything; I just know it is NOT my time yet :yes.


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## silvercobra101 (Mar 25, 2010)

I'm a hypochondriac, so I worry a whole lot about terrible diseases. I have great confidence in my Christain faith though, so I never really worry about death. What we call "Death" is simply a graduation from this life into one that is much, much better. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, if you have any. But that's how it is with me.

What does terrify me is the thought of loved ones dying. My nonexistent fear of personal death has been replaced by the fear of the death of family members. And also I fear painful illnesses like stomach cancer, so I can't quite get away from hypochondria.


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## unreasonable man (Jan 22, 2011)

The two biggest signs of sleep apnea are difficulty breathing at night and being jolted awake just before falling asleep with a gasp of air. I've had a few episodes and as a panic sufferer I can say each episode exacerbated my anxiety symptoms and made me afraid of sleep. Anyways, again good luck to you. It's always a good idea to at least bring it up at a doctor's appointment.


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## cocogirl (Oct 27, 2012)

*thanks*



unreasonable man said:


> I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, major depression and OCD. I experience exactly what you're talking about. I'm practically afraid of my own heartbeat, if I start listening to it I will go into a panic attack. I too have minor palpitations/PVCs and my blood pressure runs borderline at times because my anxiety levels are so high. I sometimes have chest pain and high heart rate. Sometimes my heart is beating so fast I would do just about anything to make it stop, I get this sensation of feeling trapped and desperate, as if I'm stuck on a roller coaster and they won't let me off.
> 
> Every doctor I've seen has insisted nothing is wrong with my heart. My new doctor is going to give me a heart stress test just to assure me nothing is wrong and I'm worried as all hell they're going to find something.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing i have most of your symptoms.. .currently obsessing about ovarian, or colon cancer. I was just checking my symptoms on line and ...since been told again and again by doctors looked up anxiety ..found this site and your post. Thanks to u i signed up....even got on yahoo to create a new email address . Constantly worried about something .... driving thinking about the car crashing and seeing my kids hurt, flying same thing, had major social anxiety as a teenager.... i am so tired of it.

I understand i have it but it bothers me i cant control it....it makes me feel better knowing others are going through the same issues. Thanks for sharing


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## Dragonfly14 (Feb 14, 2013)

Hi insivible girl . . . So moved by your post I joined up just to reply.
3 years ago my husband did actually begin choking on a piece of food infront of me -it was the most terrifying few moments of my life that completely changed me inside & out. He began to vomit & eventually cleared his own airway after I had already called 911 and was about to run to the neighbours. He subsequently developed aspiration pneumonia (from inhaling particles into his lungs) and was hospitalized several times for related asthma attacks - all within a few weeks of each other. We were both so traumatized from these episodes that in the weeks & months that followed I lost 40 pounds and he lost a whopping 60 pounds because we did not eat anything solid - and we are average, well balanced people who no real history of anxiety disorders! After about 1 & 1/2 years we returned to a relative normalcy with only a few foods we avoid. 
I am not telling you this to spook you I share this because worse than the not eating & starving myself, worse than the anxiety and all-consuming meal time drama was the deep shame and how "stupid" I felt, and also painfully alone. I lost 40 pounds and no one even said anything or asked me if I was ok - and I have a loving and supportive family whom I adore. I just want you to know if you are scared to eat, well that's okay, pressuring yourself will never motivate you to eat (smoothies and soups with sustain you until you get to solids). People saying "just eat!!" will never work I get it. The only thing that helped me was listening and indulging and being extra super good to my body. And believing that no matter what- your body always wants to heal itself physically & emotionally if we just let it. So if i felt like skipping a meal, I skipped it, when I was hungry enough, I made a smoothie. I was very honest with my GP so he could keep an eye on me & I did see a therapist. I never made myself feel guilty or foolish, and yes I did chew everything 30 times at least at first. 3 years later I suffer very few effects, I only avoid popcorn but have developed a few anxieties I never had before, & nothing compared to the constant choking fear.
Easy does it, you will get there. You know what you need. And if you take your time eating, don't laugh while eating, and chew even moderately thoroughly you will probably never ever choke on anything. 
Oh, and never judge yourself, you're all you've got.


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