# no libido, just the desire for closeness



## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

It feels so strange, my sex drive has shot down drastically when i was on meds( effexor) and I'm off now and have been clean for about 5 months, it numbed me out too much. But I still cant feel that rush of emotions when I'm around men. Its hard to explain, but I'd rather just sit together, embrace, spoon, etc and feel close to another human being, then kiss, sex. Its like I'm afraid of being rejected and I want to reasure myself of the fact that I can still be around another human without freaking them out. Last night my guy friend came over and we went for a walk, I havent seen him in a while so it was a nice suprise. We walked around this large cow pasture near my house, rolled around in the grass, laughed, talked, then just layed and looked at the stars which seemed like a moment, I didnt realize I was gone for 5 hours. But as we were laying there the moment of bliss for me was feeling his warm breath next to my ear, his hand felt cold so I grabbed it and rubbed it between my palms. He smiled. Then we started playing thumb wrestling, he told me that if I lose, he'll kiss me, he lost..  but then he beat me second time and we ended up making out and it was hard for my not to laugh because he hasnt shaved in couple days and it was ticklish, then I taught him a vaccum kiss where you blow really hard in and out, he busted out laughing because it was really ridiculous, we got so loud that woke up some people in a house near by, so we had to make a run for it because they came out to investigate. Then he walked me home and it was over. I just miss being close to people. Life of complete seclusion is not for me. 
I guess the point of this post is that I dont know where to place myself with men, I dont want to get involved with anyone, sometimes I just need someone to hold and talk to.
Does anyone else feel that way?


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

this is why im afraid to go on meds. i may complain about having a high libido but id rather have that than have no libido


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

Beautiful story :hug


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

Yeah, i feel like that, and i haven't used any meds at all. Might just be that i don't know what i'm missing, though. Or i'm just odd.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Equisgurl -- Really, I think your desire for closeness is common. I know I've been feeling that desire very much of late. I feel so isolated in this world and am finally realizing that I want to be close to someone, that if I could find someone to bond with it might significantly help me. The kind of physical closeness you describe must be wonderful, just hanging out, sitting together on a couch, hugging each other . . . ugh, I wish I could have that. I crave it soooo much. 

Because I'm finally considering dating a possibility (never having dated) it's causing my libido to shoot through the roof. Lately I've been, um, extremely enthusiastic (I'm avoiding using another word). I've never been on meds but have heard that they destroy your libido. However, all through my twenties my libido was never very high, so much so that I still wonder if I have low testosterone. That's one reason I don't want to go on meds for depression. My libido is so shaky that it might destroy it completely.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

If I had the choice right now between sex or a makeout/caressing session like you described, I'd go for the latter. 

I have a perfectly fine libido, but alas, I've found it difficult to makeout and cuddle with myself. :lol


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Is there a signup sheet to put your name on to go for a walk, make out, and cuddle with a girl for 5 hours? :kiss :squeeze 

That is what is missing in my life right now and for the last 12 years.


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

I'd like this as well, been missing out for the past _20_ years. 
Ain't life (not) great ?


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

> no libido, just the desire for closeness


I'm cursed with both. It's maddening, let me tell you. :sigh


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: no libido, just the desire for closeness*



Airick10 said:


> Beautiful story :hug


 :agree

That's awesome. That's like something out of a movie. Definitely not reality for me. I'm happy for you. It's funny you bring up no libido as the experience you just had sounds unforgettable. At least your living. I'm pretty sure I'm just waiting to rot away, lol. I've recently had thoughts where I wish I had someone I was really close to that I could just hold be with and skip the sex part. Only difference is I haven't been on meds :afr

Thanks for sharing the story. Great job writing it. I almost want to print it and put it on my wall :lol And I have no idea why :lol


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I've never touched a woman so I have that burning desire for closeness and affection. Just a hug, a kiss on the cheek or holding hands would feel amazing to me. I don't even care that much about sex anymore. While I wouldn't say I never want sex its not a priority for me and I would much rather spend a night cuddled up with someone under a blanket. Being deprived of the simplest kinds of affection tends to make me appreciate those little things I see so many couples take for granted. The lack of affection, of feeling desireable and loved has left me severely depressed over the years and its becoming more difficult to live with every day. :rain


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Meds did the same thing to me.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Same here. I also don't get crushes anymore. I prefer to have a low sex drive. I don't see the point of having a high one when you don't have a use for it. It usually just gets in the way when you're trying to meet new people and makes you extra nervous.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

i do miss the sex and the passion with a partner but you know what i miss more? waking up a weekend morning and goint somewhere for breakfast. that was always fun


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Lonelyguy said:


> I've never touched a woman so I have that burning desire for closeness and affection. Just a hug, a kiss on the cheek or holding hands would feel amazing to me. I don't even care that much about sex anymore. While I wouldn't say I never want sex its not a priority for me and I would much rather spend a night cuddled up with someone under a blanket. Being deprived of the simplest kinds of affection tends to make me appreciate those little things I see so many couples take for granted. The lack of affection, of feeling desireable and loved has left me severely depressed over the years and its becoming more difficult to live with every day. :rain


Yes, that's me too. We're the same age so I know you can relate to what it feels like to be in your thirties and never having had that affection. When I think about how much I've missed out on it depresses me as it does you. I feel so alone, so disconnected from people in general, not just females. Sitting here typing this in the library and thinking about how isolated I am from humanity makes me want to cry right here in public. Why am I like this? What is it within me that causes me to separate myself so much?

Other people are so affectionate and it seems so easy for them to just melt into each other's arms. Last week I was on the bus and a couple sat in the seat just in front of me. They were so in love and it was wonderful to watch. The woman snuggled up to the guy while he put his arm around her and she nestled her face into the crook of his neck and once in a while leaned up to softly kiss him on the cheek and he returned the kiss and they just sat the entire ride as close to each other as two people can get, enjoying each other's company and probably basking in the warmth of each other's bodies. I couldn't stop looking at them and thinking how much I yearn for that affection, that connection. I crave it. I wouldn't separate sex and cuddling as some of you have because if you're in a relationship of course you're going to have sex and you're going to cuddle. But right now I'd be just fine with hand holding, a tender embrace and laying together wrapped in each other's arms for an entire afternoon, whispering and kissing softly.

I just don't want to separate myself anymore. I want to be close to someone but I can't see any avenue to attain that kind of affection anytime soon. I'm not emotionally ready to date and I have other priorities that are more pressing. So it's depressing that, while I've finally woken up in life to my need for physical and emotional closeness, it's so far off if it ever happens at all. Oy.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

*Re: re: no libido, just the desire for closeness*



Classified said:


> Is there a signup sheet to put your name on to go for a walk, make out, and cuddle with a girl for 5 hours? :kiss :squeeze
> 
> That is what is missing in my life right now and for the last 12 years.


I'll sign up!


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

There's a reason why new born babies are often put directly on their mother's chest, the warm skin to skin contact, the beat of the heart, relaxes them. The same thing has been done with sick babies, hold them next to your skin, or even put another baby in the incubator in contact, and they will often improve and grow stronger.

It's surely the same for people of any age, lying together, the skin to skin contact, the human warmth, it has magical properties to soothe and relax us :yawn


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*Re: re: no libido, just the desire for closeness*



mal said:


> There's a reason why new born babies are often put directly on their mother's chest, the warm skin to skin contact, the beat of the heart, relaxes them. The same thing has been done with sick babies, hold them next to your skin, or even put another baby in the incubator in contact, and they will often improve and grow stronger.
> 
> It's surely the same for people of any age, lying together, the skin to skin contact, the human warmth, it has magical properties to soothe and relax us :yawn


I believe it. Being so completely disconnected from physical contact has to have a detrimental effect on the psyche.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

yeah, its kind of a strange feeling, honestly I dont want to date the guy, were just friends, hes a bit unstable when it comes to relationships and I have no desire to get involved. Sadly enough, now I've developed a crush on a guy at work.. who happens to be married. sigh...


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

*Re: re: no libido, just the desire for closeness*



SAgirl said:


> Classified said:
> 
> 
> > Is there a signup sheet to put your name on to go for a walk, make out, and cuddle with a girl for 5 hours? :kiss :squeeze
> ...


That might be a long drive. I'll have to get an airplane somehow. Then the hugging can begin. :squeeze


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