# Why don't you have a bf/gf?



## zelig

Someone just bluntly asked me this. I was like :stu (jokingly) because I'm ugly? The only thing I could really think of was that I'm not actually actively seeking one. 

That sure made me a feel just a wee bit crummy. Anyone else been asked that? What do you say to that? Anyone know why they don't have a bf/gf?


----------



## Drella

Yeah, I've also been asked why I don't have any friends.


----------



## Kardax

I get that one every time I visit my grandparents.

I've refined my answer to something like "I'm too different from the norm to be compatible with anyone."

It's really hard for anyone to argue... so they just sit silent for a moment and change the subject 

-Ryan


----------



## RX2000

Back when I didnt have a gf, I always thought that it was because I was too ugly, and no girl with the hotness factor that I need could ever be attracted to me. I felt pretty much like I didnt have anything to offer a girl.


----------



## nakedshrew

The same reason why I don't have any friends, I don't leave the house.

Edit: And the ugliness, can't believe I forgot that.


----------



## millenniumman75

I don't have friends because I don't stick around long enough to hang out with people.

I don't have a girlfriend because any girl I have ever asked rejected me. The others I don't even pay attention to because I know they would call me names to their girlfriends, laugh, and then walk away.


----------



## Classified

BEcause I have a very hard time having a conversation with any girl. It might get better after I get to know them in 2 or 3 months, but most girls aren't going to wait around when there are other normal guys out there.


----------



## Zephyr

I used to get that question. Sometimes I still do, like a few weeks ago. I just say I don't have the time, or the money, and leave it at that. 

The real reasons are: I'm not all that interested in getting one; I'm pretty damn unattractive; I have social anxiety (duh); girls have never shown interest in me; I'm not funny; I have no charm or personality. I think that about covers it.


----------



## free thinker

I'm trying to find someone with a similar philosophy. Fat chance, eh?


----------



## gejj

ya some people dont understand how difficult is it for some people. I hate when i get those questions. I'll usually just give them the "i dont want a gf right now" kind of answer. :stu


----------



## Noca

I remember getting asked this question over and over throughout my life by my family and relatives. My brother had 8 gfs at the time when I had 0 so it hurt quite alot when they constantly asked me.


----------



## Johnny_Genome

I've been asked that, mostly by 'taken' females. They ask in such a puzzled way -- this is partly because of my ability to disguise my anxiety. It's the one thing I can't disguise -- having friends / girlfriend.


----------



## Lonelyguy

I think I've only been asked once or twice in my life. I figure most people assume I'm gay or asexual because I never openly show any interest in girls, so they have no reason to ask. In reality its my strong fear of rejection and low self esteem that prevent me from having someone even though I want a girlfriend.


----------



## Argo

I've never been asked that question. Anyway, the reason I don't is because I've never asked anyone.


----------



## AliBaba

RX2000 said:


> and no girl with the hotness factor that I need could ever be attracted to me.


What can I say, that was absolutely priceless! :haha

As for the two dreaded questions...I have two set answers:

Q. Why don't you have a girlfriend?
A. I really haven't met anyone i've been interested in dating lately!

Q. Why aren't you married yet?
A. Because I haven't met the right woman! (sometimes this even gets a laugh)

Or, if I'm feeling a little mischievous:

Q. Why aren't you dating anyone/married yet?
A. Because I'm gay!

Now if you're able to claim to be gay with a straight face....then this is a fantastic way to take all the anxiety/embarassment and shovel it right back on the person who asked the question to begin with. Often times, they'll blush and stare down at the floor 

Of course then you'll say "just kidding" and everyone has a good laugh. Presto...problem solved.

Matt


----------



## Bon

That would be an incredibly rude question to ask someone, what type of answer could they want, it's an offensive question, if someone is in a negative mood, it could be taken as a direct insult, passive aggressive behavior, implying that there is something wrong with you. 

Edit: Parents, relatives, especially older ones do ask this, I think most only mean well, and want you to be happy.


----------



## Chaotic Clessy

Well, I just haven't made myself very visible these days.

Maybe that'll change after I go to Sakura-con, for it'll help me with being around LOTS of other people (it's an anime convention, so peeps there will have similar interests as me). Maybe. *shrug*


----------



## whiteclouds

As Comic Book Guy would say, "There are thousands of valid reasons, but which one did you choose?"

Okay, so my reference to the Simpsons is probably a good place to start.

Basically, I don't know how to flirt. I feel so phony when I try. And I have never asked a guy out.

Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them. When I tell people this, they don't say anything, but I can tell by their facial expression that they are freaking out inside. I guess to most people, it is very geeky. I don't see what's wrong with that. Being a bird fanatic is better than being a murderer, right? Birding is one of my hobbies and I don't want to give that up or pretend I am someone else. But unfortunately, most men I meet find that powerfully un-sexy. I'll have to hook up with an outdoorsman.

One time a girl I worked with told me about her marriage proposal. She was 18 at the time and I was 20. She was planning to get pregnant right after the wedding. Then she asked me if I was married and had kids yet. I looked at her wondering if this girl was for real? She was. I said, "No, not yet" and she asked me, "Why?" like she was really surprised by this fact. I said, "Because I am only 20 years old, and I have my whole life ahead of me." She was silent.


----------



## whiteclouds

:dd


----------



## Argo

whiteclouds said:


> Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them. When I tell people this, they don't say anything, but I can tell by their facial expression that they are freaking out inside. I guess to most people, it is very geeky. I don't see what's wrong with that. Being a bird fanatic is better than being a murderer, right? Birding is one of my hobbies and I don't want to give that up or pretend I am someone else. But unfortunately, most men I meet find that powerfully un-sexy. I'll have to hook up with an outdoorsman.


Seems odd that people would freak out about that; is it an urban thing? Granted, it's an uncommon skill, so it might be hard to relate to, but still it seems like a terrific conversation starter. Most special skills are. Like, "How did you learn that?" "What are the prettiest bird calls?" "Isn't there ever one so bad it makes you want to hide your ears whenever you hear it squawking?"


----------



## living in darkness

whiteclouds said:


> As Comic Book Guy would say, "There are thousands of valid reasons, but which one did you choose?"
> Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them.


I think that's so cool. I'm the same way with stars. I wouldn't find that strange at all, I love when people have something like that about them. Most people are so boring.


----------



## nesteroff

...


----------



## cakesniffer

I'm glad I rarely get asked this question. Perhaps people assume the answer. :lol


----------



## copper

A couple months ago this one direct care staff asked me why I never married . I just told him that when I was younger I was too busy with school and then busy trying to build my career. I didn't really want to tell him that when I was younger I was fighting panic atttacks, depression, and trying to go to school at the sametime. I couldn't handle both school and a relationship at the same time. Also, I was a commuter student that lived 35 miles from campus and I wasn't really on campus except for classes. I had to be home to take care of my brother while my parents worked. Being not married is a very wierd concept where I live. We have a large Apostolic Lutheran population and they believe that you should be married at least by your early twenties and popping kids out like no tomorrow. They have large families up here. It is not uncommon to have families with at least 10 kids in them. There is even a family that has 20 kids. He had to buy two houses to house them all.


----------



## copper

----


----------



## copper

:dd


----------



## Lonelyguy

> Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them. When I tell people this, they don't say anything, but I can tell by their facial expression that they are freaking out inside. I guess to most people, it is very geeky. I don't see what's wrong with that. Being a bird fanatic is better than being a murderer, right? Birding is one of my hobbies and I don't want to give that up or pretend I am someone else. But unfortunately, most men I meet find that powerfully un-sexy. I'll have to hook up with an outdoorsman.


I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I love nature and the outdoors myself so I don't think its weird at all. My mom loves birds so I learned how to identify dozens of species by their songs and appearance over the years from being around her. Alot of my interests are probably boring or strange to women too. I don't think many girls want to go fishing or are interested in motorsports on the same level I am. If that doesn't drive most girls off my collection of firearms and interest in recreationial shooting will. I'm too much of a ******* to satisfy most people. But I've always firmly believed in being myself, so I'm not about to change my hobbies and interests just to please someone else.


----------



## Zephyr

whiteclouds said:


> As Comic Book Guy would say, "There are thousands of valid reasons, but which one did you choose?"
> 
> Okay, so my reference to the Simpsons is probably a good place to start.
> 
> Basically, I don't know how to flirt. I feel so phony when I try. And I have never asked a guy out.
> 
> Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them. When I tell people this, they don't say anything, but I can tell by their facial expression that they are freaking out inside. I guess to most people, it is very geeky. I don't see what's wrong with that. Being a bird fanatic is better than being a murderer, right? Birding is one of my hobbies and I don't want to give that up or pretend I am someone else. But unfortunately, most men I meet find that powerfully un-sexy. I'll have to hook up with an outdoorsman.


I think that's really neat  
At least there's something interesting about you; most people (including me) are boring.


----------



## Zephyr

whiteclouds said:


> As Comic Book Guy would say, "There are thousands of valid reasons, but which one did you choose?"
> 
> Okay, so my reference to the Simpsons is probably a good place to start.
> 
> Basically, I don't know how to flirt. I feel so phony when I try. And I have never asked a guy out.
> 
> Also, I have a love of birds. I can identify several species of birds in my area just by hearing their song, without actually seeing them. When I tell people this, they don't say anything, but I can tell by their facial expression that they are freaking out inside. I guess to most people, it is very geeky. I don't see what's wrong with that. Being a bird fanatic is better than being a murderer, right? Birding is one of my hobbies and I don't want to give that up or pretend I am someone else. But unfortunately, most men I meet find that powerfully un-sexy. I'll have to hook up with an outdoorsman.


I think that's really neat  
At least there's something interesting about you; most people (including me) are boring.


----------



## Zephyr

What is it with these :dd


----------



## alimax456

This is an easy question for me. Nobody likes me! And if miraculously someone did like me, I would be too stupid to realize it and I would just mess everything up.


----------



## onlylordknows

I don't have a girlfriend because...

My personality is like a brick around females 

I have a huge defense barrier and no vulnerabilities.


----------



## Melusine

I think i'm too boring to date, i really don't have anything really neat about me, i'm really laid back and friendly, i don't have any interesting hobbies, but i don't mind others who do. I'm not against dating, but i feel like i'll just push people away, i'm not even good at making friends to form a relationship, i'm too solitary.


----------



## Drella

I don't have a bf/gf, because I'm too neurotic. Among.. other things.


----------



## Babygirly

I think [and could be wrong..] people ask about your Bf/GFs so they can talk about theirs or perhaps find out if you're single because they are interested in you..

I haven't been asked lately why I'm single, but when I was asked before I'd say because "I just haven't found anyone.." .. Which leaves out the novel of reasons WHY, but whatever. I think that is an acceptable answer.


----------



## jtb3485

I try to avoid that question like the plague. Everyone of my generation in my family is either married and has kids, is engaged, or is at least in a serious relationship except for me. The only thing about this that works in my favor is I'm the youngest save for a second cousin. All my other cousins are older and I was an only child. I have a cousin who I don't think got involved in a serious relationship until she was in her late twenties. My family seems to meet all their significant others at church and since I don't go to church this avenue is closed to me. I realize I could start going to church but then I feel I would be going for the wrong reason. 

I've never been asked directly so I don't know what I would say. Probably just mumble incoherently and try to change the subject. Then be all peeved about it for the next week.


----------



## archaic

I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend because I'm really skittish and anytime things get too serious (if they even get out of the starting gate!) I run like hell.

I think I may have a "boyfriend" as of earlier today, though. :con


----------



## Paul

When I've been asked (which I think has only been online, I'm too skilled at avoiding conversation in person), I just state that I never get out and meet anyone of any gender and thus it's quite impossible for me to have met a girlfriend. If they were asking in person I'd be sure to look at them like they're crazy while saying that, making it clear that the question was odd.


----------



## GraceLikeRain

I haven't been asked that in a long time. My grandma was the last person who asked me, and it really was my fault that she asked because I said something smart about my sister's boyfriend who I did not like much at the time :lol

If someone asked me now, I would just tell them that I am not good enough for anyone. That's how I feel most of the time anyway :stu


----------



## nothing to fear

zelig said:


> Someone just bluntly asked me this. I was like :stu (jokingly) because I'm ugly? The only thing I could really think of was that I'm not actually actively seeking one.
> 
> That sure made me a feel just a wee bit crummy. Anyone else been asked that? What do you say to that? Anyone know why they don't have a bf/gf?


I hate getting asked that, like what the hell. One of my friends asks that and I don't know what to say.

I know why I don't have one: I don't really give off a friendly vibe whenever I meet people (e.g. I cross my arms), if a guy ever tries to speak to me I end the convo as quickly as possible, I don't flirt (like whiteclouds said....I also feel incredly fake when I "try", I hate it).....There are other reasons, but yeah, you get the point.


----------



## RX2000

Zephyr said:


> What is it with these :dd


I think its because the site has been acting screwy lately. You click submit and then nothing happens, so you wait a few seconds then click it again and again. Then later you realize that it made like 3 posts hehe. Its happened to me a few times in the past couple days.


----------



## Imdateless

I always look at this question as an opportunity to expand my possible dating pool.

Q: Why don't you have a girlfriendf/married etc...
A: I don't know, do you know anyone single?

This usually results in a) them NEVER talking about it again or b) them trying to hook me up until they realize that I am cursed and stop trying.


----------



## David1976

WalkbyFaith said:


> I haven't been asked that in a long time. My grandma was the last person who asked me, and it really was my fault that she asked because I said something smart about my sister's boyfriend who I did not like much at the time :lol
> 
> If someone asked me now, I would just tell them that I am not good enough for anyone. That's how I feel most of the time anyway :stu


 :hug


----------



## pixiedust

I asked this question a while back because I was annoyed when someone asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. One poster gave a bunch of good replies on what to say back to someone who asks that question...



> Here's a few ideas. You could say' "Silly humans, That does not exist on my planet." or maybe you could ask' "But what do I do with them when I'm sick of them" or you could say"I'm already married.....to (God or Satan) your choice. You could say "We haven't found the right man yet,( and then look beside you and say) "Isn't that right"? Or you could say""You haven't found one that won't scream when you torture him" or "They all seem to have a problem with the smell of the dead bodies". Hope this helps.


Do I know why? Yeah I do but I doubt it will help you to understand your own situation.


----------



## GreyCloud

i hate it when people ask me that, i never know what to say. the obvious answer would be because no one has asked me


----------



## brenidil

i was engaged... she basically didnt love me, liked messing around with her co-workers, and i dont know anyone my age anymore... nor do i get out much. I know tons of nice woman online but none live in my state.


----------



## brenidil

Here's a few ideas. You could say' "Silly humans, That does not exist on my planet." or maybe you could ask' "But what do I do with them when I'm sick of them" or you could say"I'm already married.....to (God or Satan) your choice. You could say "We haven't found the right man yet,( and then look beside you and say) "Isn't that right"? Or you could say""You haven't found one that won't scream when you torture him" or "They all seem to have a problem with the smell of the dead bodies". Hope this helps.

some quick responses for these are: 1. "your on my planet, wanna try it out?" 2. have no answer for number 2. 3. "me too, let's work on that together..." 4. "what a coincidence, i haven't found the right (girl or guy)... *smile*" 5. "torture works both ways, will you scream if i torture you? maybe ill show you some techniques later and we can share..." 6. "thats ok, i dont"


----------



## AliBaba

"Silly humans, That does not exist on my planet."

I don't know...I'd probably think twice before uttering these words in public. :lol  


Matt


----------



## Maseur Shado

Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either, but since there's no Logan's Run type scenario going on with us yet, then it's only the first rule that applies. Also, I've never been "girlie" enough for guys. I do tend to scare (or offend, but that comes from fear, doesn't it?) most of them. 

As to why I did not have a "proper" set of boyfriends before I was 30...aside from the other problems I listed above, I was motherfriggin ugly. And I did not have enough money to pay a guy or two to stick around and pretend to like me in that fashion. Plus, the male courtesan has never really been an option throughout history.


----------



## living in darkness

Maseur Shado said:


> Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either, but since there's no Logan's Run type scenario going on with us yet, then it's only the first rule that applies. Also, I've never been "girlie" enough for guys. I do tend to scare (or offend, but that comes from fear, doesn't it?) most of them.
> 
> As to why I did not have a "proper" set of boyfriends before I was 30...aside from the other problems I listed above, I was motherfriggin ugly. And I did not have enough money to pay a guy or two to stick around and pretend to like me in that fashion. Plus, the male courtesan has never really been an option throughout history.


With an attitude like that, who can blame them?


----------



## Maseur Shado

living in darkness said:


> [quote="Maseur Shado":46578]Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either, but since there's no Logan's Run type scenario going on with us yet, then it's only the first rule that applies. Also, I've never been "girlie" enough for guys. I do tend to scare (or offend, but that comes from fear, doesn't it?) most of them.
> 
> As to why I did not have a "proper" set of boyfriends before I was 30...aside from the other problems I listed above, I was motherfriggin ugly. And I did not have enough money to pay a guy or two to stick around and pretend to like me in that fashion. Plus, the male courtesan has never really been an option throughout history.


With an attitude like that, who can blame them?[/quote:46578]

That's only because shoving the old folks out into the wilderness isn't practiced anymore. So, the youngins have to get used to the nasty elderly. 'Specially them womenfolk.

But, you seem to be of the male persuasion...if you're past the age of 30, then what I said above doesn't apply to you, or any other guys. So, there was no reason for you to pick on my statement. It's not a matter of concern for you all...at least until you hit 70. :b


----------



## Amocholes

I usually make a plain statement of the truth. 

"I just haven't met the right guy yet!" 

Most people don't know how to respond to that one.


----------



## orpheus

Maseur Shado said:


> Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either,


now that's just silly. the cut-off age is 40--don't you know that?


----------



## orpheus

i'm too shy/poor


----------



## Maseur Shado

orpheus said:


> Maseur Shado said:
> 
> 
> 
> Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either,
> 
> 
> 
> now that's just silly. the cut-off age is 40--don't you know that?
Click to expand...

That's what THEY will have you believe. "40 is the new 30." Bull. It's just ten years' worth of decay. :mum


----------



## Futures

Because Im 25 years old, jobless, still live at home, no friends, barely leave the house, and I can only hold a conversation for about a minute at best.

It's easy to see why I've never had a GF.


----------



## joshj

yeap been ask this question 3 or 4 times why i dont have a girl or will i be single my whole life. hopefully it want stay that way i know im not ugly b/c some pretty good lookin girls said i was handsome and cute and al that stuff. my main reason is who want to be with somebody who doesnt have a job or when i do not a good one. dont go anywhere and when i do i feel alot of anxiety so cant show them a good time or go out like most girls like to do. so i gues im goin to have a saer to have reltionship with a girl who understands what it like to have sa


----------



## Squizzy

I've never really been asked why I don't have a boyfriend, I assume it's pretty obvious. I'm a self-absorbed loner who's not very attractive, is boring, and has a crappy personality. I'm working on it, though.


----------



## tewstroke

Ummmm because I don't talk. Yeah that's pretty much it. That and the fact that my parents wouldn't approve of me having one, especially since I like girls, which they have no clue of. :afr I don't know if I'll ever have a girlfriend, I mean seriously I would have to have a lot of self confidence to be comfortable in that way.


----------



## OnyxHeart

Martian mating rituals are too hard to explain, so I'll have to skip this one


----------



## AppleEatsWorm

I never get asked. I don't make friends either so it would be weird for people to expect me to have a girlfriend.


----------



## AppleEatsWorm

living in darkness said:


> [quote="Maseur Shado":a55cd]Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either, but since there's no Logan's Run type scenario going on with us yet, then it's only the first rule that applies. Also, I've never been "girlie" enough for guys. I do tend to scare (or offend, but that comes from fear, doesn't it?) most of them.
> 
> As to why I did not have a "proper" set of boyfriends before I was 30...aside from the other problems I listed above, I was motherfriggin ugly. And I did not have enough money to pay a guy or two to stick around and pretend to like me in that fashion. Plus, the male courtesan has never really been an option throughout history.


With an attitude like that, who can blame them?[/quote:a55cd]
hey there's little more attractive than negativity.


----------



## Inturmal

WalkbyFaith said:


> If someone asked me now, I would just tell them that I am not good enough for anyone. That's how I feel most of the time anyway :stu


Me too. They deserve someone better than me. and I can't keep up with the girls I'm attracted to.


----------



## shyguydan

this is kind of off topic in a sense, ive been asked if i have n e kids or what not, my answer jokingly is i dont think so, not that i know of, and that kinda lighten the topic a little bit. But on a related topic here, there are alot of nice girls out there, but most are either engaged, married, or in a different province/state/country


----------



## Argo

shyguydan said:


> But on a related topic here, there are alot of nice girls out there, but most are either engaged, married, or in a different province/state/country


I very much doubt that's true.


----------



## lonesomeboy

i dont have the balls to ever make the first move. plus i always think iam ugly and never good enough for them.


----------



## missperfection

I guess it's because most of the time I feel like I'm not worthy of anyone's attention or affection.


----------



## FreeSoul

I might have been asked that before. My answer might have been "I don't know."
That would probably still be the answer now.


----------



## Maseur Shado

AppleEatsWorm said:


> living in darkness said:
> 
> 
> 
> [quote="Maseur Shado":7a161]Because women over 30 aren't supposed to date. Technically, they aren't supposed to be alive, either, but since there's no Logan's Run type scenario going on with us yet, then it's only the first rule that applies. Also, I've never been "girlie" enough for guys. I do tend to scare (or offend, but that comes from fear, doesn't it?) most of them.
> 
> As to why I did not have a "proper" set of boyfriends before I was 30...aside from the other problems I listed above, I was motherfriggin ugly. And I did not have enough money to pay a guy or two to stick around and pretend to like me in that fashion. Plus, the male courtesan has never really been an option throughout history.
> 
> 
> 
> With an attitude like that, who can blame them?
Click to expand...

hey there's little more attractive than negativity.[/quote:7a161]

It's my best quality. And my only redeeming feature. :cig

Seriously, since I've got the internal parts that bleed, I'm supposed to stay positive and nice and happy, NO MATTER WHAT WAS DONE TO ME IN THE PAST? And that's only expected of the ones who bleed for five to seven days, once a month? What rulebook is that in? Did that happen to be one of the five commandments that was dropped by Moses in _History of the World_? :lol


----------



## Carbon Breather

Been asked that and some people have teased me and called me gay when i have talked with some pretty girls without making a move (not in a bad way, i thought it was pretty funny because they were sitting alone ). 


The real reason:

Because i don't connect with people. I have never met someone that i really clicked with. I don't know and don't meet any girls so i don't get any practice.


----------



## RMJS

Why don't I have a girlfriend..

Well, girls from all walks (shy, prissy, bad-girl) seem to be willing to talk to me, but when they see how I interact with males - quiet, worried-looking, rarely offering a trivial comment unless I know them well - they seem to stop seeing me in a romantic way, or sometimes, stop talking to me altogether.


----------



## bent

i am also rejected by females. they do not find me attractive because i am short and wield little power. i also have feelings that make me needy rather than controling and powerful. that is the nail in the coffin. if only i could become loved by a hottie than i would possibly be more energetic and happy and have more to offer...but why would an attractive woman want a failed male who needs validation? i guess that's why i'm on so many pills.


----------



## work_in_progress

whenever someone asks me that intrusive & dreaded question i just do what i do best. LIE! i always say it's because i'm "focusing on my career right now" - or because i "just haven't met anyone who interests me". both answers imply that I'M the one whos in control - that i'm not in a relationship by choice. ugh, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
truth is, it's nearly impossible to meet anyone new being in the position i'm in, & then when i do i'm just too scared to call them, or initiate a conversation, or keep in contact with them.


----------



## littleblacckcat

im so glad im not the only 1!. ppl are always asking me that question. i feel like saying, bcoz im boring and no1 shows any interest. its always the family, they are so judgemental. it comes across as 'your not important until somebody shows an interest in you'.


----------



## heckyll

Part of it is my difficulty with these types of situations in general, but part of me is also closed off to the whole idea of relationships.

My emotional neediness (due to social anxiety & depression) clouds my judgment in regards to seeking a romantic partner, so despite my insatiable desire for a significant other, I have no intentions of even trying to look because I know my neediness clouds my judgment (ie, I might go for a female I wouldn't actually desire if I were in a better emotional state) and it makes me vulnerable. 

I feel comfortable only when reliant solely upon myself, so the idea of a relationshio DESPITE my incredible desire for one, makes me wretch at the same time because there is never guaranteed safety from abandonment in these sorts of things.


----------



## On the way

Not quite ready for one.


----------



## Johnny_Genome

I usually just say: Because I have a genetic propensity towards anxiety disorders which has materialized into Social Anxiety Disorder (as described in the DSM-IV), thereby not enabling me to partake in standard social conventions and expectations which thereby limits my ability to approach and converse with potential mates which thereby leads to the present circumstances of me not having a girlfriend.


----------



## Mr_Twig

The usual-not good enough. Pathetic, weird, bad posture, receding hairline.

Actually, a friend did ask me this and I responded with "don't be stupid" (jokingly, of course). Seriously, it's a ridiculous question for me. People like me aren't able to date.


----------



## Ross

I don't have a girlfriend because it has just never happened to me.

Seems like no girls are interested.


----------



## Redox

I don't have boyfriend because I self-sabotage.


----------



## MixLove

The reason I don't have a man b/c


I haven't met a good man yet

plus...im scared to talk to men most of the time...


----------



## Violette

Pretty simple: don't meet guys, severe SA and sub zero self esteem. My therapist says l have set no clear barriers with people, therefore l avoid them so l'm not overwhelmed. Fact is l've always been a loner.


----------



## grant

I have a huge irrational fear of the 'asking out' stage, which has hurt my chances in the past. If I manage to get past that stage I'm usually totally fine. I don't seem to have any trouble with dating itself. Also, I haven't found anybody that I connect with. If I'm going to be dating somebody it has to be someone with whom I can be friends with too.


----------



## Ramoz

I've never actually been asked. I think my problem is everyone assumes I'm already dating. Tall, intelligent, not so awful looking. Why shouldn't I be?

When I was still working at a local hospital, I couldn't get a nurse to believe I wasn't dating anyone. heh Pretty sad.

On to the question though, I think my problem isn't being rejected. It's more what if I'm not? Then what? Probably the opposite problem of most everyone here. 

Do I really want to change my current life to accommodate someone else? I'm not so sure at the moment. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no. It's selfish in a way, and I wouldn't to be unfair to someone else. 

There's no point in dating unless both people give to the relationship.


----------



## C3P0

The reason I do not have a girlfriend is because I have not really meet someone that I like, who likes me equally. Usually, if I like someone, they do not reciprocate romantically and that would pretty much define the situation. I've experienced infatuation with people that I would have liked to be my girlfriend, but nothing has ever clicked on the other side.

There is likely insufficient pressures to get one. For example, right now, focusing on my career and making money may be more important goals than finding a girlfriend, due to inherenent economic instabilities.


----------



## Ross

Moving up in your career and making more money should have a positive effect with women anyway.


----------



## Equisgurl

I dont deserve to be loved...


----------



## dez

Well, being scared out of your wits around people doesn't help any and is probably my main reason for not having a man in my life. :lol Being shy would but another reason and insecure another. SA f*kin' sucks.


----------



## itsmemaggi

Equisgurl said:


> I dont deserve to be loved...


 :agree I feel the exact same way...

xoxo
Maggi


----------



## BeNice

I thought for a while, and maybe still now, that finding some nice girl would make my life better. Nothing makes your life better. Life always stinks. **** always comes along, even when you are generally happy, when you least expect it will happen. Some big piece of poop lands in front of you. It's nice to have somebody help you walk around it, especially if it's that big Jurassic Park kind. But what can you do? 

As I get older I think I'm taking life less seriously. It's the only way to remain sane. I'm TRYING not to give a crap. I realize what really pisses me off and I'm trying to avoid that, venture into something new. That's part of why I jumped on the opportunity to take off across the country. I keep getting pissed off at everything, the way people I know are, however much I love them. I'm really just tired of myself and the fact that I keep myself in this situation. Jaaaailbreak! 

I really want to feel affection, cuddle, snuggle, spoon, be close to someone, hold hands, etc. It's just not going to come that easy. People in general are shallow, not just women. I'm just not into most girls out there. It sucks to actually realize that about yourself... that you don't like the way people around you are. I guess I'm really sensitive and aware of people. I feel like I can see through them. Maybe because I am so aware of my own shortcomings. I honestly, seriously believe everyone is brainwashed in one way or another. I like the sensitive, rejected, loner, shy girls. Where the heck are they?


----------



## Zephyr

BeNice said:


> spoon


I've always wondered what that means. Is that just making out?


----------



## BeNice

spooning is just a certain way of cuddling. It doesn't have to be sexual.


----------



## Equisgurl

> I honestly, seriously believe everyone is brainwashed in one way or another. I like the sensitive, rejected, loner, shy girls. Where the heck are they?


I was wondering the same thing about guys... I only notice the loud abnoxious ones, I dont want to sound rude, but a lot of them seem so immature, they laugh at the dumbest things, always talk about their weekend and what party they were at, and who got wasted or laid.. sigh.. 
Usually if there are couple nerdy quiet ones, they from their own little circles with the sign that says " no girls allowed". Guys never approach me since I give off hateful vibe, but at the same time maybe its a good thing... or I guess I'll just be a hermit my whole life.


----------



## Ramoz

Equisgurl said:


> I guess I'll just be a hermit my whole life.


Hermitage does grow on you.

I sort of agree with the superficial quality of most small talk, but then what can you really expect from small talk? It's not like people are just going to open up a deep conversation with casual acquaintances. Still I get tired of hearing it as well.

I don't care what you did at a party, I don't care what you did at the beach, I don't care if you're going to buy a big gas eating SUV and pay $100 to fill it up (you environmental fiend), I don't care what your boyfriend bought you to get you into bed, etc, etc. However, that's about all general conversations amount to.


----------



## Your Lover Scrub Ducky

Zephyr said:


> BeNice said:
> 
> 
> 
> spoon
> 
> 
> 
> I've always wondered what that means. Is that just making out?
Click to expand...

it's when a couple lays on their side while cuddling, both facing the same way and right up against eachother. usually the chick is in front and her behind is right up against his crotch.


----------



## whiteclouds

BeNice said:


> I like the sensitive, rejected, loner, shy girls. Where the heck are they?


Whoa, I fall into all those catergories! I am sensitive, I've been rejected countless times by all walks of life, I am a loner, I am shy, and I am a girl.

Didn't George Costanza say something like, "I'm dark, I'm disturbed! I've got it all!"

Try looking in libraries or other "nerdy" places. That's where I go, so I'm guessing that's where girls similar to me go. They are either there, or in their homes crying into a pillow.


----------



## seeking_bat

I was asked why I didn't have a bf once.

Almost 20 and haven't even been on a single date. I've realized that it's because I'm not attractive enough to attract people with my looks and not outgoing enough to attract people with my personality (which isn't great anyway).


----------



## Nyx

Equisgurl said:


> I dont deserve to be loved...


:dito


----------



## Melusine

I'd be perfect for someone who wants a rejected, loner, sensitive and shy girl. But i don't even think anyone who prefers that would want me. The whole having a bf concept appeals to me because love to me, would be like a breathe of fresh air, a refreshing feeling of general 'acceptance.'


----------



## Nyx

BCdude said:


> Nyx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Equisgurl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I dont deserve to be loved...
> 
> 
> 
> :dito
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Why not?
Click to expand...

I think there's too much wrong with me and no one should be burdened with that.


----------



## C3P0

BeNice said:


> I really want to feel affection, cuddle, snuggle, spoon, be close to someone, hold hands, etc. It's just not going to come that easy. People in general are shallow, not just women. I'm just not into most girls out there. It sucks to actually realize that about yourself... that you don't like the way people around you are. I guess I'm really sensitive and aware of people. I feel like I can see through them. Maybe because I am so aware of my own shortcomings. I honestly, seriously believe everyone is brainwashed in one way or another. I like the sensitive, rejected, loner, shy girls. Where the heck are they?


Then why dont you go to a cuddle-party?

http://www.cuddleparty.com


----------



## Ramoz

Nyx said:


> BCdude said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nyx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Equisgurl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I dont deserve to be loved...
> 
> 
> 
> :dito
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Why not?
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I think there's too much wrong with me and no one should be burdened with that.
Click to expand...

Shouldn't you give someone the chance and choice to accept that burden though? There's a lot of decent people out there.


----------



## Whimsy

I am way to gangstalicious for just one BF!! lol 

Nah I really don't have time actually. I am seriously crushing on one guy and we talk often...he pokes me its all cute to flirt and all but he's busy with his thesis and i'm busy with all my papers and stuff...finals. It sucks that is no time. Umm yea that and I am always huddled in a corner at the student lounge...until someone feels the need to see if i'm still alive. I'm too quiet.


----------



## dez

Ramoz said:


> Nyx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BCdude said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nyx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Equisgurl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I dont deserve to be loved...
> 
> 
> 
> :dito
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Why not?
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I think there's too much wrong with me and no one should be burdened with that.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Shouldn't you give someone the chance and choice to accept that burden though? There's a lot of decent people out there.
Click to expand...

 I feel the same way on my worst days. I don't believe anyone would willing accept me for the way I am now. I know I don't.


----------



## Melusine

> I dont deserve to be loved...
> 
> I think there's too much wrong with me and no one should be burdened with that.


I feel this way too alot, how 'blemished' my life is, how i would feel bad to pull anyone into it. Not just my background, parent's, that sort of thing though, but my physical appearance never seems to be good enough in my eyes, i'm so self conscious, intimacy is something i'll probably never be comfortable doing because i'm uncomfortable with myself.


----------



## ColdFury

I know that nobody would accept me and I'm not worthy of affection


----------



## Equisgurl

Cuddle parties... thats gotta be the creepiest thing I've seen yet :afr


----------



## Whimsy

Equisgurl said:


> Cuddle parties... thats gotta be the creepiest thing I've seen yet :afr


 :dito :um


----------



## Mr_Twig

Moving on from the rather disturbing cuddle parties *shudder*...yeaaah...I agree with many of you here. I'm too pathetic to waste anyone's time. I even wonder if my friends really want me around, or if they just don't have the guts to get rid of me.


----------



## damselindistress

Because I'm a fat ugly girl, and all guys even the fat ugly ones want pretty girls. Even the shy guys wouldn't like me. 

Because I sabatoge myself and am consumed by doubt constantly.

Because I'm weird, and way to screwed up (ocd and sas, lovely combo) for any guy to actually be interested if he got to know me.

Because I'm ackward and uninteresting.

Because when a guy actually seems interested in me, he's usually blatantly unattractive (which I could get past) and as if not more shy than me, so engaging conversation is like nil. Or (in chat rooms) after asking asl and asking only a few questions about me (and offering no info on himself which worries me) he suddenly wants to meet after a half hour conversation.. thanks I'd prefer not to be kidnapped and chopped into little pieces. or he is already certain we are madly in love which makes me worry that something is wrong with me because I'm not enjoying the kissy face conversation.

Because I isolate myself.

Because I don't try.


----------



## mayblue

When you don't have a social life, don't have friends, don't go to school or church, you just don't meet new people. And you're unlikely to meet guys at the grocery store or the library or any of the places I go regularly. And I work at a small company so there aren't a lot of new people coming in. 

If I'm ever out in public and a guy happens to talk to me, I panic and get away from him as quickly as I can, even if he's attractive. And I'm too afraid to do internet dating.


----------



## Your Lover Scrub Ducky

ColdFury said:


> I know that nobody would accept me and I'm not worthy of affection


what happened with that one girl you met on here?


----------



## scairy

RX2000 said:


> Back when I didnt have a gf, I always thought that it was because I was too ugly, and no girl with the hotness factor that I need could ever be attracted to me. I felt pretty much like I didnt have anything to offer a girl.


What changed your outlook? I was thinking this today. If I could only force myself to like every women I might have a shot but all the ladies that I seem attracted to are way out of my league.

Going back to the question of people asking you about whether you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I think maybe they're trying to make you feel better as if, hey you're a good looking guy/gal why don't you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. There's one person that I don't see that often but everytime I see them they bring up the question. I think I'm just going to say I'm gay next time. I'm sure they'll "say really? Yeah right" and then want to really know why. At which point I'll simply say I lack whatever X-factor women look for. Leave it at that. But then again why do people bring it up when they know it's going to be an uncomfortable topic for all involved?


----------



## Mr_Twig

scairy said:


> RX2000 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Back when I didnt have a gf, I always thought that it was because I was too ugly, and no girl with the hotness factor that I need could ever be attracted to me. I felt pretty much like I didnt have anything to offer a girl.
> 
> 
> 
> What changed your outlook? I was thinking this today. If I could only force myself to like every women I might have a shot but all the ladies that I seem attracted to are way out of my league.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way-which makes me a dirty rotten hypocrite. I should really force myself to slum with women as scummy as I am, if I can find any. Ah, self-hatred-you're always there for me!


----------



## ColdFury

Scrub Ducky said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> 
> I know that nobody would accept me and I'm not worthy of affection
> 
> 
> 
> what happened with that one girl you met on here?
Click to expand...

I never met her. She decided one day to stop going online and she sold her computer. I didn't even know what happened to her for 9 months.


----------



## microbe

i freeze up around girls, that's why )


----------



## Kylie

A few reasons. I'm shy around boys. A lack of experience (I don't think I'd know what to do with one if I got one!). Fear of intimacy.


----------



## macready

Kylie said:


> A few reasons. I'm shy around boys. A lack of experience (I don't think I'd know what to do with one if I got one!). Fear of intimacy.


i wouldn't worry too much about that one.... nature always seems to take its course you know? just watch out and make sure you're getting as much as you're giving (and this is coming from a guy - i know the tricks). you probably have a lot more going for you than you realize.... personally i can remember looking in the mirror when i was fourteen thinking i was so ugly i'd die a virgin... and i am ugly, i mean elephant man ugly, even al gore ugly, but i'm not a virgin, like a hundred times over... (which is a bad thing too, std's are nassssty - don't get too wild)... just trust that things pick up after awhile... you just gotta ride it out... you ever heard that song "summer in siam" by the pogues? that one always picks me up... plus, lots of dudes dig shy chicks, and lots of girls dig shy guys... opposites attract you know? and equals attract as well.. its a crazy world we live in, just make sure you're looking in the right place... you sound young... by that i mean its just that i can remember myself saying the same thing not too long ago... my advice? just be yourself and you'll be swimming in dudes in no time, i promise. chicks got it easy like that.


----------



## Maseur Shado

I cannot find a mate until I hunt down and sacrifice the eternally elusive Wonder Chicken of East Morphinia to the goddess Whamma Ramma. Once this sacred task has been accomplished, then I can go about hunting for a mate to sacrifice to the goddess' consort, Ramma Lamma.


----------



## Drella

Because I'm a loser.


----------



## Classified

Because instead of stopping and talking to a cute girl by herself at the grocery store, I just smiled and walked by like I always do. (I think she even smiled back at me)


----------



## Bon

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Because I'm a loser.


 :spank Hardly.


----------



## VelvetElvis

I'm too nice to use hypnosis.


----------



## millenniumman75

I'm too busy eating Crisco! :lol

Nah, actually - I work 50-60 hours a week and would rather have friends first. I need other perspectives to disprove my warped thinking :troll.


----------



## Bon

millenniumman75 said:


> I'm too busy eating Crisco! :lol
> 
> Nah, actually - I work 50-60 hours a week and would rather have friends first. I need other perspectives to disprove my warped thinking :troll.


You're not suppose to eat it straight out of the can! At least that's what you said, don't tell me, you have been!


----------



## SAgirl

Because I never give anyone the opportunity to get to know me, I rarely go out, I live with my parents who are over reactive and unhappy much of the time.


----------



## Scrub-Zero

because i'm ugly, i have a bad attitude, i have a temper, i don't shave half the time, i have no job, i'm shy, i rarely go out, i never talk to anyone, i never look anyone in the eyes...in short, i'm a goddamn screw up


----------



## Anatomica

Because I never tried haha, yeah I've never even attempted to ask anyone out in my life. Hopefully I get the nerve to change that soon.


----------



## lonesomeboy

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Because I'm a loser.


ditto.


----------



## RacerX

I just feel 'unloveable'. Noone ever flirts with me, no girl ever shows the slightest hint of interest in me, ever. The idea of approaching a random girl in a supermarket or something just makes me want to keel over and vomit. I physically could not do that, if someone tried to force me I would dig my nails into the ground and refuse to move. Plus the chances of getting rejected are like 99% when you 'hit on' a girl. Women don't want to be approached, full stop. So that leaves me totally clueless as to what to do. Noone ever comes and talks to me and they don't want to be hit on...so what is one to do? In my 20 years of existence not one girl has ever had a crush on me, not one has asked me out, came and talked to me, at all. I have about one girl as a friend and we talk about once every 6 months. I honestly don't know why girls don't show the faintest interest in me, I go tanning, I work out 5 days a week without fail, my diet is flawless, I have a 31.5 inch waist, V shaped upper body.... My guy friends and co workers always go on about how 'model-like' my face is..yet I see these girls all over these guys who are nothing special at all, and they walk past me without the slightest acknowledgement of my existence. What's it going to take before someone looks at me twice? How much working out do I need to do? How flawless must my face be? I couldn't possibly do any more working out than I do now, and my skin is crystal clear, skin tone is great....yet I still receive nothing at all. I honestly feel like 'fate' or 'the Gods' have doomed me to a dreadful, lonely existence. I honestly can't find any other explanation.


----------



## likewater

RacerX, you gotta work on the inside man. no doubt it helps to be good looking, shredded, and have flawless skin but if you don't feel good about yourself it really doesn't matter. the number one thing you can do to improve yourself is to feel good about who you are. thats where the healing begins.

as for me. I think I'm too real for a lot of people .. its hard to find a girl on the level


----------



## Prodigal Son

SA gets in the way and I have other priorities right now.


----------



## estse

Because there's competition. And I have no personality.


----------



## jjyiss

because i have no game, but i am working on that.


----------



## shelly

because i am a freak


----------



## Drella

realspark said:


> Drella's_Rock_Follies said:
> 
> 
> 
> Because I'm a loser.
> 
> 
> 
> :spank
Click to expand...

Oh my. :b


----------



## Classified

I'm sure you aren't freaks or losers. I'm sure if you find the right person they will love your quirks and things that make you different.


----------



## IndigoGirl

I'm very, very insecure and have trouble believing that a (cute/handsome) guy would ever want to be with me. I just become baffled. What *do* they see? Oh, and I feel invisible alot, that has something to do with it.


----------



## silverstein

I just can't ask a woman out directly, never have for some reason. I had more than enough chances to ask my crush out during the summer and I just couldn't do it. More than once, we were together, making conversation and I didn't feel nervous at all (one evening in particular haunts me; even if it was with a large group of people, it was very romantic and things were going great), yet I couldn't take that next step.

Is it insecurity? A lack of confidence or self-esteem? Maybe I'm lady Fate's ***** and she loves to taunt me? I'll never know...

As it happens, I have my first date ever tomorrow night, but it's with someone I've met through a dating website and I'm feeling pretty indifferent about it. If it were with my crush, things would be so different and I'd be walking on clouds right now. Maybe one day I'll be able to ask the woman I want out on a date and finally be happy... one day... :love


----------



## Vincenzo

a.) My personality keeps me out of anything long term, regardless of SA

b.) For now, I don't really want to commit to anything in either case


----------



## Cherry

how much I hate that question, especially when it comes time for family visits. I admit to being a workalcholic. I make too much out of school, making big projects when it's just a one page report. I still live at home, there is no privacy, I share a computer, phone with my parents. I do have a cell phone but everytime it rings they want to know who it was or when I come home they want to know where I was at. Also, the big turn off of attraction to me is that I don't have a job at the moment. But down to the core of all this, it's just my lack of social connections altogether would be the realistic answer that is the truth but the other stuff is more understandable to family and everyone, getting me away from the embarrassment quicker.


----------



## estse

Cherry said:


> how much I hate that question, especially when it comes time for family visits.


Heheh. I'm glad my family's given up on me. :b


----------



## parker

i probably could, ive been told im good looking, and the girlfriends ive had have been incredibly gorgeous girls. haha i really dont know how.

i think im uninteresting, and on top of that too weird, to attract any girl that doesnt already know me. im horrible at just having a normal conversation. when i do, its painfully obvious that im trying really hard, even if its someone im familiar with. 

since i think im too weird, i guess i never try at all. theres this girl im on the brink of dating right now, i know shes really into me, but i just dont know how to take it further. shes a new person to me, and weve only hung out a couple times, but i dont know how to let people get to know me without scaring them.. :stu


----------



## Zephyr

Mazikeen said:


> Cherry said:
> 
> 
> 
> how much I hate that question, especially when it comes time for family visits.
> 
> 
> 
> Heheh. I'm glad my family's given up on me. :b
Click to expand...

Mine too. They don't ask anymore. It's much better this way...


----------



## Equisgurl

no desire or drive.. whatever you want to call it.


----------



## FreeSoul

Hmm... I still don't know.
It's not for a lack of trying. That I'm certain of.
I just seem to have rotten luck with girls I'm attracted to.

I try to be nice, stay engaged with them, find a way to ask them out in most friendly and casual way I can muster. But I get nothing. The feelings are always one-sided and then they give the "creep" vibe. No, they don't even want to hang out as friends either.


----------



## andy1984

Because I never talk to people.


----------



## ShyFX

Because i am too nice and when i attempt to get to know a girl i fall into the dreaded friend zone. That and i'm not aggresive enough.


----------



## Misanthropy

I don't have a girlfriend because I've _never_ put myself 'out there.'

You reap what you sow, and I 'aint sowing anything.


----------



## C3P0

just my luck - may as well enjoy it while I'm single.


----------



## Restless Mind

Because the girls that like me, I'm not attracted to. And the girls I like, I'm intimidated by.


----------



## Message

People always ask me why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not loaded with friends and it irritates me... I never really know what to say. :/

But I've always been a very distant person and avoid others a lot, so no one really gets to know me.


----------



## Lyric Suite

Well i could never approach or talk to a girl in real life and every time i find myself attracted to somebody online (which doesn't happen often due the impersonality of the medium) they always live hundreds of miles away from me. 

Ho god, why hast though forsaken me? Little help here? :mum


----------



## MidnightBlu

I don't know. I try to talk to guys. Guys just don't like me.


----------



## UltraShy

Why I don't have a girlfriend: I can think of a few reasons. Girls tend to run away when they learn about me. Living at home and not having a job pretty much kills your chance you most women. Mental problems certainly don't help. A lack of social skills is a definite negative.

Many people find my attitude too negative and fail to appreciate my sarcastic wit.


----------



## redkit

I am male. I dont have a girl friend because I am subconsciously homosexual. I have boy friends but I dont have sex with them because my consciousness is heterosexual.
Psychoanalytic approach explains my situation best.


----------



## lonesomeboy

Restless Mind said:


> Because the girls that like me, I'm not attracted to. And the girls I like, I'm intimidated by.


yep took the words right out of mouth. To add, girls that I like never like me back or show any interest in me.


----------



## Micronian

Misanthropy said:


> I don't have a girlfriend because I've _never_ put myself 'out there.'
> 
> You reap what you sow, and I 'aint sowing anything.


That is my problem also. I'm pretty certain I'd have a girlfriend right now if I had more "At bats". In the past 8 months--and I'm not kidding--I have not spoken to any girl* for longer than 5 minutes. In fact, I can only count one girl in the last 6 months that I had any conversation with at all!

*: by 'girl' I mean one that is around my age and available for a friendship/relationship.


----------



## Drella

The true reason that I have had neither a boyfriend nor a girlfriend: I am obnoxious, I make lame jokes that no one finds to be funny (except for me, of course. I find my jokes to be _hilarious_), I try too hard to get people to like me (which is absurd, because it only causes them to despise me), I rarely speak to anyone, and I am always depressed and/or pissed off. It also doesn't help my plight that I am a total pervert.


----------



## BeNice

In addition to the typical anxiety reasons, such as lack of confidence in situations where I may have the potential to make progress with members of the opposite sex, I don't have much in common the majority of women I come across, they aren't interested in a guy such as myself, I prefer not to hang out with too many people at a time (which in turn could affect going out with someone who I was really into). Also, as the days, months, years go by, I slowly care less about being with anyone. By age 30 I may be home free, all of my desire withered away.


----------



## Morningrise

I've never had a g/f because:

1) I went to an all-male private high school.

2) I commuted back-and-forth to a college that wasn't really a "party school" anyway.

3) I always worked at jobs where everyone was married, engaged, or in a relationship.

4) In my _entire life_, I could probably count on one hand the number of girls I've talked to who were around my age and not already in a relationship, and they rejected me anyway.

:fall


----------



## Classified

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> The true reason that I have had neither a boyfriend nor a girlfriend: I am obnoxious, I make lame jokes that no one finds to be funny (except for me, of course. I find my jokes to be _hilarious_), I try too hard to get people to like me (which is absurd, because it only causes them to despise me), I rarely speak to anyone, and I am always depressed and/or pissed off. It also doesn't help my plight that I am a total pervert.


Always being depressed and/or pissed off would be the only thing that would get to me after a while. It is ok to be sad sometimes, but everyday would be another story.

The other thing that you forgot is, even though you look very good, you don't think you do. You need to be happy about how you look because there is nothing wrong with you.

With the right person, the last part would make it a very fun and interesting relationship. :whip :spank


----------



## Drella

Classified said:


> Drella's_Rock_Follies said:
> 
> 
> 
> The true reason that I have had neither a boyfriend nor a girlfriend: I am obnoxious, I make lame jokes that no one finds to be funny (except for me, of course. I find my jokes to be _hilarious_), I try too hard to get people to like me (which is absurd, because it only causes them to despise me), I rarely speak to anyone, and I am always depressed and/or pissed off. It also doesn't help my plight that I am a total pervert.
> 
> 
> 
> Always being depressed and/or pissed off would be the only thing that would get to me after a while. It is ok to be sad sometimes, but everyday would be another story.
Click to expand...

Well what I said isn't very accurate. I actually have violent mood swings. I won't go into details, but let's just say the pope is leading the investigation. He'll be sending over his minions with holy water soon, I believe.


----------



## Bon

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Well what I said isn't very accurate. I actually have violent mood swings. I won't go into details, but let's just say the pope is leading the investigation. He'll be sending over his minions with holy water soon, I believe.


LOL LOL, oh Drella, could you be my long lost daughter;-))) That's one of my lines;-))))) Well said!


----------



## millenniumman75

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Classified said:
> 
> 
> 
> [quote="Drella's_Rock_Follies":22b5d]The true reason that I have had neither a boyfriend nor a girlfriend: I am obnoxious, I make lame jokes that no one finds to be funny (except for me, of course. I find my jokes to be _hilarious_), I try too hard to get people to like me (which is absurd, because it only causes them to despise me), I rarely speak to anyone, and I am always depressed and/or pissed off. It also doesn't help my plight that I am a total pervert.
> 
> 
> 
> Always being depressed and/or pissed off would be the only thing that would get to me after a while. It is ok to be sad sometimes, but everyday would be another story.
Click to expand...

Well what I said isn't very accurate. I actually have violent mood swings. I won't go into details, but let's just say the pope is leading the investigation. He'll be sending over his minions with holy water soon, I believe.[/quote:22b5d]
I was going to throw in the line from _The Exorcist_ where the priests anoint with holy water, but it's a bit too strong - it's too scary to be funny.
Anyway, when I am upset - I run. The anger makes my Crisco [email protected]@$$ want to run a little faster. It channels the bad feelings into physical activity that doesn't harm .


----------



## liquorice

I think I don't have a bf cos I can't talk to guys. I am scared of them, mostly. I was severely bullied at school and I think I'm probably too ugly for most guys anyway.


----------



## ThisisEric

I dont have a girlfriend b/c im TOO SHY!


----------



## Amnesiac

liquorice said:


> I was severely bullied at school and I think I'm probably too ugly for most guys anyway.


I used to feel the same way in my early HS days when I had severe acne but from my experience (and I'm a guy btw) once you get confident and accept the way you look you just "vibe" different. I found that many girls like confident and fun guys. Something you can't be if you're too insecure with your looks. You also can't be scared of rejection. It's part of the "game". Hell even some of the hottest celebs got rejected before they became famous. Not everybody is genetically as fortunate as Brad Pitt or Jessica Alba.

As a guy we are often infatutiated with girls who are really attractive but some of us just want to have sex with those girls not necessarily a relationship. Like in another thread when I was in HS many guys just wanted to bang the hottest girl in the school for credit and nothing else. Like a trophy gf. I hardly call that a relationship. Keep your head up you probably offer more than you know. Personality IMO is still the #1 factor for a long lasting relationship. Obviously you need some type of physical attraction but looks is only an infatutiation. Like my friend once said to me sex is 10 minutes (sometimes 2 haha) what else are you gonna do the rest of the time? If you can't hold a conversation with the girl I doubt the relationship will last.


----------



## IndigoGirl

I'm shy and everyone intimidates me. I'm not easy to get to know, and am very, very private, i would never ever be totally open about every aspect of my life. If that bothers people, then oh well... I do want a bf, a companion, you know, someone to just stick by but I'm just too stubborn with myself to give myself the chance. Even when oppurtunity presents itself, I know that I will only end up going the other way and then wondering 'what if?'. I just don't like taking those risks and putting myself out there all vulnerable. I don't have a great personality anyway, I'm pretty cynical and critical...Though, yes, I would be considered a 'nice, shy girl', I do have some redeeming qualities about me. But all in all, I feel like it's never enough...


----------



## ColdFury

I can't talk to anyone, let alone girls.


----------



## SBCY

Well, for starters, the most I've said to any girl in the past month is, "Would you please pass the butter?" It hasn't always been like this. In fact, I used to attempt to flirt quite often but always either got ignored, laughed at, or occasionally put in the friend zone, which is the worst because all it does is give you false hope. And this was when I actually took care of my appearance (ie. went tanning, worked out everday etc.). Now I don't give a shyte about any of that and have totally let myself go. At the age of 19, while all my buddies have had at least one gf with minimal effort, I can confidently say that no girl has ever been attracted to me. I don't even try anymore, because of the reasons given above, and have accepted the fact that I'll probably die alone. If it weren't for free internet porn, I'm sure I would've committed suicide by now.


----------



## liquorice

Thanks for your reply Amnesiac, I appreciate it. Rationally your advice makes a lot of sense, but I guess from the bullying (years and years of it - and I never once stuck up for myself) I'm just so stuck in my mindset that I find it very difficult to believe that it is actually possible for me to be in a relationship. :stu


----------



## Restless Mind

SBCY said:


> At the age of 19...occasionally put in the friend zone...false hope...no girl has ever been attracted to me...if it weren't for free internet porn, I'm sure I would've committed suicide by now.


I feel ya...especially the porn part.


----------



## Argo

The essential reason is because I never tried.


----------



## scairy

Argo said:


> The essential reason is because I never tried.


I think I've tried I just haven't tried nearly hard enough. When I say tried I've talked to women only asked for a phone number twice though. That whole thing if you don't succeed try again? I haven't been following it. I'll try again maybe 8 months down the road. Making it as if I'm trying again for the first time=rough game.


----------



## mayblue

*deleted incoherent ramble*


----------



## orpheus

Argo said:


> The essential reason is because I never tried.


Trying isn't all its hyped up to be. :fall


----------



## Amnesiac

liquorice said:


> Thanks for your reply Amnesiac, I appreciate it. Rationally your advice makes a lot of sense, but I guess from the bullying (years and years of it - and I never once stuck up for myself) I'm just so stuck in my mindset that I find it very difficult to believe that it is actually possible for me to be in a relationship. :stu


Yeah the way we are treated while we grow up has a significant impact on how we see and live life later on. I hope you find a way to appreciate and accept yourself if you haven't already. Don't let your bullies win by letting their taunts put you in a permanent negative mindset.


----------



## Carbon Breather

orpheus said:


> Argo said:
> 
> 
> 
> The essential reason is because I never tried.
> 
> 
> 
> Trying isn't all its hyped up to be. :fall
Click to expand...

What is trying hyped up to be??

I have never tried approaching someone. It's never felt natural to me, just wierd and strange. I've had some girls interested but i'm not a "forward" person so nothing happend. And when someone gets interested i doubt that we would fit together and i continue looking for someone that i will never meet.

A big reason is also that i don't know any girls. Just some that i sometimes run into but no friends. Picking up girls at bars is not my thing but that's the only place where i can meet girls so i guess i will continue to be alone......


----------



## scairy

Carbon Breather said:


> orpheus said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Argo said:
> 
> 
> 
> The essential reason is because I never tried.
> 
> 
> 
> Trying isn't all its hyped up to be. :fall
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> What is trying hyped up to be??
> 
> I have never tried approaching someone. It's never felt natural to me, just wierd and strange. I've had some girls interested but i'm not a "forward" person so nothing happend. And when someone gets interested i doubt that we would fit together and i continue looking for someone that i will never meet.
> 
> A big reason is also that i don't know any girls. Just some that i sometimes run into but no friends. Picking up girls at bars is not my thing but that's the only place where i can meet girls so i guess i will continue to be alone......
Click to expand...

Yeah that's basically the only place where I feel comfortable to talk to the ladies. Although currently I go to a bar once every 2 months. More than likely the best place for me to find a girl would be church but I feel that is hugely disrepectful to God. It's a place to focus on God not look for a woman.


----------



## Christian

Argo said:


> The essential reason is because I never tried.


 :ditto 
:rub


----------



## el33

I've never tried either.

It's because the probability of being shot down are overwhelmingly higher than the probability of being accepted. Sure, people say you need to experience the stings of rejection to find the one who will accept you, but what if your chances of acceptance are so ridiculously low that it's not worth the effort (or the emotional nuclear bomb)?

I'm not good looking. I'm not horrifically ugly, but facial appearance isn't something I can rely on. Also have been working out - I suppose I can at least improve my physique even if I can't improve my face (short of plastic surgery anyways).

I have thick nerdy glasses. My first attempt with contact lenses ended in disaster - I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't get the lenses out (or put them in for that matter).

I'm short. Can't do much about that. Spent couple hundred bucks on some Chinese herbal growth supplements from a snakeoil salesman that didn't do anything.

I don't have much money. Working on that though.

I don't have a kickass job. Again, working on this.

I'm shy. Hence why I'm here in the first place.

I've got low self-esteem. Though I guess this is more of a result of all of the above.

I don't even bond well with other males. I like computers, machines, technology, etc. They like basketball, football, etc.


----------



## peace81

shy and reject them..they're not my type, mostly stay at home.


----------



## Skroderider

Never tried as well. I think I actually might have decent chances. I look OK now (I used to have pretty bad acne; it didn't completely go away but it's not prominent now), I'm smart and I believe I have a good personality -- at least that's what my online acquaintances tell me, though of course this might not mean much on the Net. I'm low on money, but this is understandable, considering my age; if I won't do anything stupid, I may have a job in about four years.

The only real problem is SA/low self-esteem, of course -- right now it's telling me that everything I have written here is a complete lie . I have no idea how to approach girls and am extremely scared of trying it. However, if someone _would_ actually get interested in me, I hope I won't miss this chance.


----------



## Chris435435

Argo said:


> The essential reason is because I never tried.


I've had my successes in social situations.... but to to be persistent on a day-to-day basis is unbelievably hard.

However, I think that what Argo said is true. In fact, I've never even asked a girl out and that's basically because I've let my fears get the best of me.

In fact, I've never really risked anything or have taken a chance. * I never tried*.

Anyways, I'd like to end this on a positive note by saying that I've started to keep a journal to keep track of what I do and what I could do to restructure my life. I'm trying to start with "safe" things such as my television watching habits. I've stopped watching television and have been sure to keep track of this.

Other things that I've done include trying to expose myself to "safe" social settings such as working out at a gym or going to the barbershop. I've also been trying to clean up my look and maintain my hygiene. I've been doing great for about a few months (they've turned into habits)..

I've also changed my nutrition (sometimes I ate 1 meal a day, now I eat 3-4 meals a day).

The next thing on my list is to *take a chance* and just be ok with the end result. So, I know some guys from college that I could ask to go to a club and just go dancing or something (loses tension) and perhaps I'll meet a girl there... who knows.

This is rather ironic, but I have a tendency to digress like I did here. Sorry! :stu :um


----------



## bk

I've never really tried. I can think of maybe one time that I did try, and something about it has stopped me from trying again ever since.


----------



## Argo

Chris435435 said:


> Anyways, I'd like to end this on a positive note by saying that I've started to keep a journal to keep track of what I do and what I could do to restructure my life. I'm trying to start with "safe" things such as my television watching habits. I've stopped watching television and have been sure to keep track of this.


Not to discourage you or anything, but I kept a journal for six years and have mixed feelings about it. At one end, if you really make a job of it, it can sharpen your writing and critical thinking skills; there's no better place to practice self-analysis and try to know yourself. But I think it can also be harmful, since if you write a decent one, it's going to include a lot of painful and uncomfortable things, and in some cases it may not be good to relive awkward incidents by daily writing them down in your journal and doing the analysis. If you suffer from a social anxiety disorder and are honest, a lot of what you conclude about your behavior will not be flattering.

In some cases facing up to a bad incident in my life had a rotten effect, by ramping up the embarassment I felt about something I had done (you will notice a lot more things in the privacy of your room with a pen in your hand) and I think it hurt some relationships I was forming, just by giving me a place to reflect so much on some of my less genius moments with these classmates and coworkers. Writing it put it further at the front of my awareness, and the next time I saw them, it was there ---- glaringly there.


----------



## Drella

chic_canadian_gurl said:


> 3. I have so little experience at 20 there's no hope of me having a normal relationship at this point in my life.


That's another major reason that I'm quite hesitant to get involved with anyone.


----------



## Inturmal

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> [quote="chic_canadian_gurl":2acf6]
> 3. I have so little experience at 20 there's no hope of me having a normal relationship at this point in my life.


That's another major reason that I'm quite hesitant to get involved with anyone.[/quote:2acf6]

But that's still really young. 
I didn't get my first gf until a few months before my 21st. So, even though I was a complete relationship retard, we still had quite a love affair. Learning is a big part of the excitement of being with someone.


----------



## Message

Inturmal said:


> Drella's_Rock_Follies said:
> 
> 
> 
> [quote="chic_canadian_gurl":1a985]
> 3. I have so little experience at 20 there's no hope of me having a normal relationship at this point in my life.
> 
> 
> 
> That's another major reason that I'm quite hesitant to get involved with anyone.
Click to expand...

But that's still really young. 
I didn't get my first gf until a few months before my 21st. So, even though I was a complete relationship retard, we still had quite a love affair. Learning is a big part of the excitement of being with someone. [/quote:1a985]

Yes, and I figure that if someone wants to be in a relationship with you they will help you learn.  Or maybe they will learn with you.


----------



## beanman80

*WOW*

I have not had an actual girlfriend for 3 years I was 22 then....for me I wish I could find someone out there but I usually don't have the time, patience, or commitment like others in relationships..probably becuse of my anxiety.....I should classify myself as a born again virgin :lol I have always had the opportunity to have relationships with women I meet but it seems like I end things before I have a chance to actually begin...ahh the never ending cycle of lonliness :um


----------



## Qolselanu

Boring, awkward, etc.


----------



## grant

Because I'm a nutcase


----------



## Message

I really need to meet someone shy. How do two shy people meet, anyway? I did meet one once, but lo and behold he's taken... and I really would have had a chance with him too. We really fit together. 

Oh, it seems so hopeless.


----------



## BeNice

I hate to say it but I guess I prefer a shy/quiet/introverted/anxious person. Most of the girls I hang out with, if I even do, are totally not my type. Even if I did like someone that wasn't like that, how would I deal with her friends and having to hang out with them?


----------



## KimberlyK

chic_canadian_gurl said:


> I have so little experience at 20 there's no hope of me having a normal relationship at this point in my life.


Experience isn't all it is cracked up to be. I have know lots of girls with a lot of "experience" but all that really is is a bunch of baggage that prevents them from having a stable relationship. They are always thinking "I can find someone better than this!" They don't realize that relationships are about compromise and loving someone even though at times they drive you crazy.

At 20 you are barely an adult, you have time to find that special person and you don't need experience for that.


----------



## beanman80

*I feel everyone's pain*

yes I do not like the women who are all about themselves when it comes to a relationship...I'm sure for women it is the same....I just want a normal relationship with a female..whatever that is....just someone who can actually understand me and someone who I can talk to.....I would try to start a relationship with someone who is not so gung-ho on going out everywhere all the time and miss personality but I guess those same shy women I want to meet put up their defenses just like me so I can't blame them. It already sucks feeling the way I feel maybe I have been so timid to the dating world because of rejection..I truly think I am in denial and sometimes think I just push myself away from trying to be happy or even find happiness in general :con ahhhh what can I do

And on the lines of what Kim said....sometimes too much exp. gives people too much baggage and that's something SA people can deal without....exp. unfortunately should not play a role..if you like that person it will all fall in place anyways but what do I know....nothing has ever truly fallen in place for me :um


----------



## Panic Prone

haven't found a capadable person with the same beliefs as me.


----------



## aria

many, many reasons...


----------



## RedTulip

chic_canadian_gurl said:


> I have so little experience at 20 there's no hope of me having a normal relationship at this point in my life.


You are still young and have time left.

I just turned 37 and haven't had a boyfriend, and there's probably some older than me who haven't either.


----------



## mismac

Because I look like this: :troll

When a guy shows any interest in me, I'd turn him off by acting like a complete weirdo. I think I subconsciously sabotage the (potential) relationship because I'm so used to being alone that I don't want to change it.


----------



## CavedIn

Because I don't go out much, when I do I keep to myself and I seem to push people away by being too quiet and anxious. Usually when I like someone I get scared and feel like I can't look or talk to them anymore, it's stupid!


----------



## inactive

a lot of reasons...


----------



## BornLoser

because in the last five years i stopped goin out to clubs and parties...i only leave my house for work so its hard to find a girl but in 2007 im gonna start going out again so i should get a girl then...


----------



## Message

I've been reflecting tonight, and I think the reasons I'm alone is:

1. It's very hard for me to like someone 'that way'. I've only seriously considered a relationship with one person EVER before.

2. I'm terrified to start a relationship for fear that I'll lead him on:
(Horribly naive in my sophomore year of highschool, I agreed to go out with a guy I 'liked'... well when he mentioned kissing, I became terrified and realized I wasn't really all that attracted to him. When I tried to end it he came to me the next day at school and told me he was going to commit suicide that night. One of the most traumatic times of my life. I truly think this experience has tainted everything... I had no concerns about starting a relationship before this happened.)

3. Fear of intimacy & commitment
(The only time I actually wasn't terrified of either of these was because of one guy... he's taken, unfortunately)

4. It seems I take relationships more seriously than anyone else.


I am a deadfully confused person.


----------



## WinterDave

I sometimes feel that way...Others seem to be looking for a distraction or someone to keep them occupied, while I am looking for a soulmate...Someone to share my limited existence on this sphere with...Way too deep and intense for most people....Most girls are just not accustomed to being told that they are the Ionic bond that holds my molecule together....
Those "Hannibal seeks Clarice" dating ads don't seem to be working either... :lol


----------



## woozy

WinterDave said:


> Those "Hannibal seeks Clarice" dating ads don't seem to be working either... :lol


hahaha, If I was a woman that would have my panties on the floor in a skipped heartbeat. Seriously though, I used that once to some poor girl on AIM and it didn't go over to well for me either.

I don't have a g/f because I'm not attracted to that many girls or I'm too timid to flirt with the ones that are attracted to me. I only seem to attract overly aggressive girls or "cougars" for some reason... and gay truckers during 3 am pit stops.  I just need to get out more and meet more people I guess.


----------



## Mikey

'cause I'm a nut case.


----------



## gg87

post deleted.


----------



## aria

Message said:


> 1. It's very hard for me to like someone 'that way'. I've only seriously considered a relationship with one person EVER before.
> 
> 2. I'm terrified to start a relationship for fear that I'll lead him on
> 
> 3. Fear of intimacy & commitment
> 
> 4. It seems I take relationships more seriously than anyone else.


 :shock wow, Message, that sounds exactly like me!


----------



## person86

Aside from the obvious (being strange, being unable to talk to women and having no social skills), I also subscribe to the High Fidelity School of Dating; namely:

*Rob:* "But the thing I learned from the whole Charlie debacle is that you gotta punch your weight. You see, Charlie, she's out of my class. She's too pretty. Too smart. Too witty. Too much. I mean, what am I? I'm a middleweight."

And I'm a featherweight at best, so that sort of settles that.


----------



## Message

EJ27 said:


> That describes me completely.





aria said:


> :shock wow, Message, that sounds exactly like me!


It seems we all have quite a bit in common, eh? I hear this response to the majority of my posts... I guess we here are all quite the same, aren't we?


----------



## scairy

Message said:


> I've been reflecting tonight, and I think the reasons I'm alone is:
> 
> 1. It's very hard for me to like someone 'that way'. I've only seriously considered a relationship with one person EVER before.
> 
> 2. I'm terrified to start a relationship for fear that I'll lead him on:
> (Horribly naive in my sophomore year of highschool, I agreed to go out with a guy I 'liked'... well when he mentioned kissing, I became terrified and realized I wasn't really all that attracted to him. When I tried to end it he came to me the next day at school and told me he was going to commit suicide that night. One of the most traumatic times of my life. I truly think this experience has tainted everything... I had no concerns about starting a relationship before this happened.)
> 
> 3. Fear of intimacy & commitment
> (The only time I actually wasn't terrified of either of these was because of one guy... he's taken, unfortunately)
> 
> 4. It seems I take relationships more seriously than anyone else.
> 
> I am a deadfully confused person.


Wow! I'd say #2 probably caused you major perception problems towards guys. I hope he didn't bring up kissing on the first date although considering his mindstate he probably did.

I don't really have a fear of #3 as I feel I could commit easily and if I feel a connection intimacy wouldn't be a problem. But I fear opening myself up in a commited relationship and then getting burned. So I guess I fear the other person being unable to commit.


----------



## jtb3485

Why don't I have a gf? Let me count the ways...

1. I have extremely low self-esteem
2. I don't have any real life friends to hang out with and therefore no way to meet girls
3. I don't know how to talk to girls
4. I get too frustrated with all those games you have to play when you first start dating someone. When to call, when not to call, what is too much and what is not enough or what is too soon or too late.
5. I don't have a job and I live at my dad's house. 


One of the biggest obstacles for me to get over if I want to have a healthy relationship is the tendancy I have to want someone who will replace my mother who passed away when I was a little kid. This is probably why I fantasize about women who are around 10 years older than me. I should probably make this its own thread.


----------



## Matt J

My Dad constantly brings this up, in a roundabout way.

I just say I dont go anywhere to meet anybody...and thats just the straight up truth.

His given up...my mother never asks me now, and my friends dont bother either.


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

If I meet somebody that I like and I know or suspect she doesn't have a boyfriend, I am not afraid to ask these women out. That is if I meet them through work, school, or a mutal friend. But so far I have been rejected by them. However I can't walk up to women in bars/clubs and introduce myself due to SA. 

My main reason for not having a girlfriend is simple: I have just not met the right one under ideal conditions. People have a hard time understanding this.


----------



## Gerard

For me I don't find the fat majority of females attractive. You have to be an idealist and very empathetic in my book. I know what I want and I know who to approach. I've met two in my life that I had major crushes. Too bad I'm too shy and aloof person. Anyway.


----------



## Message

unsure said:


> For me I don't find the fat majority of females attractive. You have to be an idealist and very empathetic in my book. I know what I want and I know who to approach. I've met two in my life that I had major crushes. Too bad I'm too shy and aloof person. Anyway.


 :ditto

Except change the female to male and the two major crushes to one.


----------



## Blue Oval

i really do want a gf, id even get rid of my car if thats all it would take, and i love that thing. i dont have one tho because im really short and i dont think a girl would want me, its like i feel inadequate, really sucks. plus if i ever did go out i dont think i would have any idea what to even do (hmm maybe ill make a post about that)


----------



## njodis

aopgh30gha2390gha23g


----------



## Meee

Lincolnradiocat said:


> My main reason for not having a girlfriend is simple: I have just not met the right one under ideal conditions. People have a hard time understanding this.


I have a hard time understanding how it's so easy for other people.


----------



## Cerberus

Why I don't have a girlfriend:

1) My standards are too high.

2) I'm highly critical of everything

3) I love to argue ideas, which leads some people to think that I'm just looking for a fight.

4) I tend to push people away due to negative past experiences I've had socially.

5) I tend to insult people without realizing it.

6)The last and biggest reason I don't have a girlfriend: I'm socially inept. I was not around socially skilled people when I was growing up, thus I had no socially skilled person to emulate. In conjunction with all that, I also have social anxiety, which may be the result or the cause of the aforementioned attributes that I possess.


----------



## MidnightBlu

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Cerberus said:


> Why I don't have a girlfriend:
> 
> 1) My standards are too high.
> 
> 2) I'm highly critical of everything
> 
> 3) I love to argue ideas, which leads some people to think that I'm just looking for a fight.
> 
> 4) I tend to push people away due to negative past experiences I've had socially.
> 
> 5) I tend to insult people without realizing it.
> 
> 6)The last and biggest reason I don't have a girlfriend: I'm socially inept. I was not around socially skilled people when I was growing up, thus I had no socially skilled person to emulate. In conjunction with all that, I also have social anxiety, which may be the result or the cause of the aforementioned attributes that I possess.


That actually sort of sounds like me except I'm a girl and this would apply to me towards guys.


----------



## brenidil

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



deadrun said:


> Cerberus said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why I don't have a girlfriend:
> 
> 1) My standards are too high.
> 
> 2) I'm highly critical of everything
> 
> 3) I love to argue ideas, which leads some people to think that I'm just looking for a fight.
> 
> 4) I tend to push people away due to negative past experiences I've had socially.
> 
> 5) I tend to insult people without realizing it.
> 
> 6)The last and biggest reason I don't have a girlfriend: I'm socially inept. I was not around socially skilled people when I was growing up, thus I had no socially skilled person to emulate. In conjunction with all that, I also have social anxiety, which may be the result or the cause of the aforementioned attributes that I possess.
> 
> 
> 
> That actually sort of sounds like me except I'm a girl and this would apply to me towards guys.
Click to expand...

perhaps you two should start talking?  :duck


----------



## SusanStorm

Probably because I'm not very attractive,too tall and shy..


----------



## SusanStorm

:blush Well,you know,the light is really good in that picture.. :b


----------



## Eraserhead

^Don't be so hard on yourself 

Reasons I don't have a girlfriend:

-I really don't know how to deal with people in general, which means
*I don't talk to people much, so I don't meet many girls
*When I do talk to people, I can't be myself
*I come across as strange, aloof and maybe a little volatile (not intentionally)
-I'm paranoid, and have extreme trust issues. I don't allow people to get close to me
-My self-esteem is so low that I can't imagine anyone wanting to be my girlfriend (thus I don't even try)
-With all of my problems right now, I don't think I could make a relationship work anyway
-I'm not nearly attractive enough to get a girl with my looks alone


----------



## Tommy1

Njodis said:


> You look pretty attractive in your avatar.


 :agree 

I think its because I have never really tried, always been to shy to approach anyone, and because I am a socially challenged computer geek


----------



## SusanStorm

Ok..hmmm..

Thanks to both of you..Even though I think I look a little bit different i RL..


----------



## refined_rascal

I don't have a girlfriend because I'm so overwhelmingly shy that I never want to go anywhere to meet people.


----------



## Razorblade Kiss

Meee said:


> Lincolnradiocat said:
> 
> 
> 
> My main reason for not having a girlfriend is simple: I have just not met the right one under ideal conditions. People have a hard time understanding this.
> 
> 
> 
> I have a hard time understanding how it's so easy for other people.
Click to expand...

Thankyou. Doesn't it seem like some people are always in relationships? Like it comes so easily for them. I'm trying to wait for the right person to come along. It seems like when I finally find someone I'm interested in, it turns out he's not as interested in me. Like I mentioned in another thread, they don't meet my expectations as far as keeping in touch with me as much as I'd like them to. I just don't understand...I hate people. A relationship seems pretty much impossible for me, I'm not even going to worry about it or expect anything anymore.


----------



## Kenny

Strange Religion said:


> Doesn't it seem like some people are always in relationships? Like it comes so easily for them.


I remember once some guy I was working with was complaining that he was so depressed because he hadn't had a gf or had sex for a WHOLE WEEK!

Cry me a river...


----------



## Razorblade Kiss

Haha yeah. Then there are some people who feel like they need a relationship. I don't feel like I need one, but surely it would be nice to have one or at least feel like I'm capable of having one.


----------



## Zephyr

Kenny said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> 
> Doesn't it seem like some people are always in relationships? Like it comes so easily for them.
> 
> 
> 
> I remember once some guy I was working with was complaining that he was so depressed because he hadn't had a gf or had sex for a WHOLE WEEK!
> 
> Cry me a river...
Click to expand...

lol
Don't you just hate that?

Why don't I have a girlfriend?

-I have social anxiety. Ergo, I cannot talk to anyone, and I avoid social situations as much as possible
-Girls don't seem to understand me
-I'm not good looking
-I'm not funny
-I'm not confident
-I don't feel like having one
-I seem to offend people without even trying
-no money
-no job
-no future
-I don't cook


----------



## kevS

I always say I suffered mental illness and no one will have me.people usually look confused,think I'am joking and then stop asking.

I often say no i'm serious i'am really mentally ill when they laugh.Then I say girls hate me,I was a jibering reck for years,never went out,ever had any friends etc.

They still think I'am joking but at least they shut up. :con


----------



## Message

Meee said:


> I have a hard time understanding how it's so easy for other people.


No kidding. I've never had a friend who was in a relationship until recently. Every single one of my friends found their first boyfriend within the first two months of college this year. Some of them I couldn't even imagine with a boyfriend (no offense to them) so soon, but they found one.

I am seriously, seriously f'd up. Sorry guys, lately I'm sinking into a mindset full of misanthropy and cynicism. I'm not trying for a relationship, there's just no point. Unless there's a guy out there as forgiving and understanding as Jesus himself, I'm too hypocritcal, self-loathing and selfish to ever think I can be in a healthy relationship


----------



## Classified

Tommy1 said:


> I think its because I have never really tried, always been to shy to approach anyone, and because I am a socially challenged computer geek


That sums me up too.

I also spend 2 or 3 months in the middle of nowhere in random places around the world each year for work it seems like.

I also don't know how to talk or relate to women. I get nervous and have a hard time making eye contact with people I don't know. Trying to come up with questions and topics to talk about is hard as well.


----------



## Hit_the_Lights

As soon as I see a girl I'm interested in, my mind starts saying things like
- there is no way shes interested in me, I'm not good looking enough, weird, etc
- shes out of my league (it seems that all girls are out of my league, at least in my mind)
- she deserves better
- etc

so I guess lack of self confidence is to blame


----------



## FreakCitySF

::disappears forever::


----------



## cat burglar

cos so few want me & nobody understands me :troll

I'm a nice guy
I push people away


the last two girlfriends had this to say:
-"Don't tell me you miss me! Something isn't right! You're always guilt-tripping me!"
-"I love you. but don't ever again toss raisins at my cleavage when we're out with my friends."
:hide


----------



## millenniumman75

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



cat burglar said:


> cos so few want me & nobody understands me :troll
> 
> I'm a nice guy
> I push people away
> 
> the last two girlfriends had this to say:
> -"Don't tell me you miss me! Something isn't right! You're always guilt-tripping me!"
> -"I love you. but don't ever again toss raisins at my cleavage when we're out with my friends."
> :hide


You devil you! :twisted :lol Raisins, huh?

Cat Burglar - we know you're cool!


----------



## Ventress

It doesn't seem to be allowed for me -- so says the Universe... :twak


----------



## cat burglar

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



millenniumman75 said:
 

> You devil you! :twisted :lol Raisins, huh?
> 
> Cat Burglar - we know you're cool!


Hey, thanks MM75 

Cleavage is so inviting, and I'm not a fan of raisins.


----------



## Skroderider

Well, now I'm actually _trying_ to find a gf, but no luck so far :stu. First had a crush on someone already taken, then got a rejection with that classic "friends talk" from someone else (people seem to think I still have a chance there, though). I guess I have to keep trying


----------



## MidnightBlu

Kenny said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> 
> Doesn't it seem like some people are always in relationships? Like it comes so easily for them.
> 
> 
> 
> I remember once some guy I was working with was complaining that he was so depressed because he hadn't had a gf or had sex for a WHOLE WEEK!
> 
> Cry me a river...
Click to expand...

That guy has issues. I hate people like that. For a week? Give me a ****ing break... btw your signature is hilarious.


----------



## red_reagel

I'm too scared to be myself that I end up looking stiff or boring.

And I get mixed opinions about how I look; some think I'm ugly, some think I'm pretty. Oddly I've been getting a lot of "wow! you look so pretty now henrietta." But people still see me as quiet, boring, and reserved that they aren't interested in me as a person.


----------



## demian1

*re: Why don*

Because I'm still recovering from the last crazy girlfriend, wondering if that was worth it. Talk about having problems. I'd rather have SA and be a good person than be crazy, illogical, manipulative, and vengeful like her. I'm more hesitant now of seeking a new gf, not that it was easy before.


----------



## Drella

*re: Why don*

I'm too shy to meet anyone and I can't carry on a conversation. The social competence of a, perhaps, four year old would serve me well. I may as well be a chimpanzee in a world filled with debutants.

Also, I have run out of chloroform.


----------



## Razorblade Kiss

I love the way a guy @#$% me over and in so many (very blunt) words I tell him to kick rocks. Then later down the line, here he comes again trying to talk to me like we're cool.
What's up with that? Why don't I have a boyfriend? People suck.


----------



## Flu102

No one ever asks me that question, I guess it must be obvious as to why I don't have a girlfriend. :stu


----------



## brock

Because the only thing most of these 20 something women care about is partying, getting drunk, and sleeping around with badboys.


----------



## pentagon

*Re: re: Why don*



Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Also, I have run out of chloroform.


 :lol good stuff ...you've got to remember to keep an extra vial stashed away like I do :b

But yea...I'll get the occasional question "why don't you have a gf?", they mean well...they aren't purposely trying to insult me, they just don't understand.


----------



## Blue Oval

say something like, i havent found someone as charming as you


----------



## njodis

Blue Oval said:


> say something like, i havent found someone as charming as you


What if it's your father that is asking you?


----------



## millenniumman75

Tell him "I don't swing that way"! :lol


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

I think maybe I will call a press conference for my friends and family and other curious folk as to why I'm a year away from 30 and I'm not married yet. Rumors that I will address and squash.

That I am gay. Hah. I have never heard anyone question this about me. But I'm sure they have behind my back. Whenever there is somebody else that never has a girlfriend...I will hear people speculate that they are gay. 

That I am assexual. Sometimes I actually do feel this way, then I watch a flic with Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale, or Angelina Jolie in it, then I realize that I'm not.

Some other pyschological issue. (SA anyone?) No really, SA is a small reason why I am single, but the reason. I am not scared to ask someone out if I really like them, but I have to REALLY like them.

How about this: I haven't met a match yet? That surely is a strange concept...almost revolutionary. Afterall this is a small town and you are supposed to impreganate and marry the first woman that comes around....

No, really though, I could care less what people think...I'm happy now. Why worry? A relationship will manifest in my life when the time is right for me.


----------



## Christian

*Re: re: Why don*



pentagon said:


> But yea...I'll get the occasional question "why don't you have a gf?", they mean well...they aren't purposely trying to insult me, they just don't understand.


No one has ever asked me that question but I think it would go something like this:
-Why don't you have a girlfriend?
-Because I _killed_ her now BACK OFF!!!


----------



## PGVan

My mother asked me if I was gay when I was 17. 

What a *****.


----------



## njodis

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



PGVan said:


> My mother asked me if I was gay when I was 17.
> 
> What a *****.


My dad insinuated that during a conversation about 2 years ago.


----------



## lonesomeboy

My parents are always asking me 'do u have a gf?', my response is always a quick 'no' and i hang up on them. just so goddam embarrassing and ashamed being 28 and single. They probably think iam gay or something but never insinuated that to me, I wouldn't blame them if they did.


----------



## Roberto

My cousin asked me this when I was fifteen, I think. I felt like a monster. I looked at her in an _[email protected]#$&ing-kidding_ sort of way and said, "Uh, No~ ???" People don't ask me this anymore - my grandparent's just figure I'm asexual or something. I hear little comments like, "he's not the hugging type." :roll I don't care.

I have no business with a girlfriend. Same goes for drinking - I don't want to drink, but if I did I still wouldn't because I don't have any business drinking. My circumstances do not afford to me any of these privileges. That is the way I feel about it sometimes. I suppose I don't really desire a girlfriend in my current situation either - is pretty hard to imagine what that would be like.


----------



## Mehitabel

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



PGVan said:


> My mother asked me if I was gay when I was 17.
> 
> What a *****.


My family never asked me that, they just assumed I was gay. The majority of my friends were/are non-straight, and I didn't have a boyfriend for a long time... When I did end up going out with a guy, my dad actually said "Oh, she's not gay." It never really bothered me much though.


----------



## MrShow

The holidays are the worse for not having a girlfriend for me. Its like every holiday event every year I am single and everybody around me is married, not cool.


----------



## scairy

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Strange Religion said:


> I love the way a guy @#$% me over and in so many (very blunt) words I tell him to kick rocks. Then later down the line, here he comes again trying to talk to me like we're cool.
> What's up with that? Why don't I have a boyfriend? People suck.


Yeah this came to me at school. The majority of people I guess believe that most people are good nice people. I find most people suck. They look for short cuts, ways to get over on people and as long as someone didn't see you do it, it's okay.

Oh, and my most revised response to the initial question on this thread is I'm not capable of it, although I should be happy because I'd probably be one of those people that get burned.


----------



## bucknut12

I don't have a girl friend cause of the pressure of having a fulfilling relationship, like where you see couples doing so much together and no afraid to make a move. Then there's the whole sex thing. Not that I don't want to do it, just way to nervous. After many years acting like this, you become immune to it, and just push opportunities out the window. However, slowly but surely, i'm trying to break the trend and find a cool girl I can just relate to and maybe things will naturally and smoothly go from there....other than that, I can easily talk to them, just making the move and going from there scares the hell out of me.


----------



## Gerard

The stars haven't aligned themselves yet.


----------



## dez

unsure said:


> The stars haven't aligned themselves yet.


 :ditto I think I replied to this thread already but being alone really is horrible. My shyness and insecurity pretty much cost me a few missed opportunities. Even now it's a oxymoron: I desire companionship but simultaneously I would shy away from a potential partner. I can't control it! It's probably linked to low self esteem as well. (sigh)


----------



## Razorblade Kiss

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



scairy said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> 
> I love the way a guy @#$% me over and in so many (very blunt) words I tell him to kick rocks. Then later down the line, here he comes again trying to talk to me like we're cool.
> What's up with that? Why don't I have a boyfriend? People suck.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah this came to me at school. The majority of people I guess believe that most people are good nice people. I find most people suck. They look for short cuts, ways to get over on people and as long as someone didn't see you do it, it's okay.
> 
> Oh, and my most revised response to the initial question on this thread is I'm not capable of it, although I should be happy because I'd probably be one of those people that get burned.
Click to expand...

Yep, until someone comes along and proves me wrong, I think the type of devotion and loyalty I'm looking for pretty much doesn't exist in this lifetime. Most people cheat, that's a fact and I really think technology is a big factor in that too. There are so many ways to be unfaithful nowadays.


----------



## left blank

No one has ever actually asked me this question...it must be obvious to them why I don't


----------



## scairy

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



left blank said:


> No one has ever actually asked me this question...it must be obvious to them why I don't


I always get uncomfortable when someone asks me this question. I don't know if I feel cultural pressures saying you have to have a girlfriend or if it is more I fear that people will think I'm a psychopath serial killer crazy guy.

I was at a social gathering and some girls were asking me about my romantic life. Fortunately someone called my name so I zoomed out of that situation. I wonder why people ask this kind of stuff. When asked have any of you actually responded and said you've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend? When someone asks me in the future whether I have a girlfriend and I say "no" and they say "why not" I'm going to say "you tell me".


----------



## scairy

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Strange Religion said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> 
> [quote="Strange Religion":e405f]I love the way a guy @#$% me over and in so many (very blunt) words I tell him to kick rocks. Then later down the line, here he comes again trying to talk to me like we're cool.
> What's up with that? Why don't I have a boyfriend? People suck.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah this came to me at school. The majority of people I guess believe that most people are good nice people. I find most people suck. They look for short cuts, ways to get over on people and as long as someone didn't see you do it, it's okay.
> 
> Oh, and my most revised response to the initial question on this thread is I'm not capable of it, although I should be happy because I'd probably be one of those people that get burned.
Click to expand...

Yep, until someone comes along and proves me wrong, I think the type of devotion and loyalty I'm looking for pretty much doesn't exist in this lifetime. Most people cheat, that's a fact and I really think technology is a big factor in that too. There are so many ways to be unfaithful nowadays.[/quote:e405f]

I've often feel that I would have fit in much better in past history. Every story I hear about cheating or people getting divorced makes me a little sicker.


----------



## Lonelyguy

I don't remember if I've already responded to this thread and I don't feel like looking through 19 pages to find out...I'm depressed as hell right now so excuse the negativity but here goes:
I think there's many reasons. For starters, I'm extremely shy around women. So shy I can't even make eye contact or even think about talking to them, which is not exactly a desireable trait. How can I expect to get a date when I can't even look a woman in the eyes without turning into a quivering ball of nerves? Whenever I'm near a woman I feel attracted to the only thing I can do to keep my anxiety under control is to get as far away from her as possible. I also have odd interests and hobbies, most of which would appear as either plain crazy or wouldn't appeal to the majority of women. There's also my inexperience, I'm over 30 and I've never been on a date. Yeah, that's attractive...not to mention the fact that I still live with my elderly parents. I'm not much to look at either, I've been rejected and called ugly enough times in my life to realize what most of the world thinks of me. Put all that together and its no wonder why women don't want anything to do with me.


----------



## Bon

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Lonelyguy said:


> I don't remember if I've already responded to this thread and I don't feel like looking through 19 pages to find out...I'm depressed as hell right now so excuse the negativity but here goes:
> I think there's many reasons. For starters, I'm extremely shy around women. So shy I can't even make eye contact or even think about talking to them, which is not exactly a desireable trait. How can I expect to get a date when I can't even look a woman in the eyes without turning into a quivering ball of nerves? Whenever I'm near a woman I feel attracted to the only thing I can do to keep my anxiety under control is to get as far away from her as possible. I also have odd interests and hobbies, most of which would appear as either plain crazy or wouldn't appeal to the majority of women. There's also my inexperience, I'm over 30 and I've never been on a date. Yeah, that's attractive...not to mention the fact that I still live with my elderly parents. I'm not much to look at either, I've been rejected and called ugly enough times in my life to realize what most of the world thinks of me. Put all that together and its no wonder why women don't want anything to do with me.


I'm sorry Dave, I understand why you feel the way you do, I don't want to not validate your feelings, but you're a wonderful man, you're really a good person.
Your hobbies......I've known so many women into shooting, fishing, hunting, I'm sure you would counter with going to the ballet;-)
You may live with your elderly parents, but you also help them. If you were in MI, I don't know about romance, cause, I'm really strange, but I would surely want you as a RLF, no if ands or buts......
I'm NOT just saying that cause you have that big .44;-)))))))))))))) where's the evil banana...;-)) oh, wait, it's a revolver, .45 then;-)))


----------



## ladybugs

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Lonelyguy said:


> I don't remember if I've already responded to this thread and I don't feel like looking through 19 pages to find out...I'm depressed as hell right now so excuse the negativity but here goes:
> I think there's many reasons. For starters, I'm extremely shy around women. So shy I can't even make eye contact or even think about talking to them, which is not exactly a desireable trait. How can I expect to get a date when I can't even look a woman in the eyes without turning into a quivering ball of nerves? Whenever I'm near a woman I feel attracted to the only thing I can do to keep my anxiety under control is to get as far away from her as possible. I also have odd interests and hobbies, most of which would appear as either plain crazy or wouldn't appeal to the majority of women. There's also my inexperience, I'm over 30 and I've never been on a date. Yeah, that's attractive...not to mention the fact that I still live with my elderly parents. I'm not much to look at either, I've been rejected and called ugly enough times in my life to realize what most of the world thinks of me. Put all that together and its no wonder why women don't want anything to do with me.


 :hug The right kind of woman will find your shyness endearing, your hobbies intriguing, your inexperience desirable, and your appearance unimportant.


----------



## njodis

Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong person, but I could have swore I saw one of Lonelyguy's pictures in an old thread, and he sure didn't look ugly to me. Just looked like any regular guy you'd see. :stu


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

"Over here girls are so full of themselves that they ask you straight in the face ''ow, so you're not into girls?'' whenever you don't show any interest"

I would say to them..I am into girls...I'm just not into you! Hah! How do you like them apples?


----------



## Christian

^Haha. Well then you'd have to say:
"Put it this way...Do you like apples?"
"Uh...sure."
"Well, I do like girls, just not girls like you. How do ya like them apples?!"

But honestly women hunt in packs, and men work solo, so when you're up against the odds, they try to make you look like a fool, no matter what you say. It hurts...


----------



## Drella

*Re: re: Why don*



left blank said:


> No one has ever actually asked me this question...it must be obvious to them why I don't


No one has ever asked me either. My incompetence is obvious, and the reasons for people not wanting to be with me must be as well.

When anyone showed even the slightest interest in me, I promptly pushed them away.


----------



## jasonl34

Well lets see, in most cases I wouldnt even pursue a girl because then Im putting myself out there. 

But even in the cases where I did know a girl was interested... I still wouldnt bother because what kind of boyfriend could I be. I cant go to restaurants movies, or any of the things couples do without having panic attacks and I really dont know any girl that would be able to understand why.


----------



## millenniumman75

Whoa, CGStorm5! 

From your post.....some of it went a little far, but I can tell you that it is okay to be angry. It is what you do with it that is important. I see that you are in some despair, but I can at least see that you have a lot of good qualities. Your post has a sense of being overwhelmed - SA is just marvie! The thing is, if we want to get over SA, it will take time, work, and most all, patience. When I was your age, I was in the exact same boat - I had just graduated college and it took 13 months to land my first job. A techie in the dot-com bubble burst. I entered the market at a bad time. Things can change, but it takes the confidence in knowing that you like yourself for who you are now.....with the opportunity to improve. I see that, but it is clouded in bitterness (something I must admit I have, too). Trust me, you are not alone.

Those people you see on the Real World, hoochyin' around - you know that behavior eventually catches up with them in one way or another. It doesn't seem that glamorous.


----------



## scairy

*Re: re: Why don't you have a bf/gf?*



Lincolnradiocat said:


> "Over here girls are so full of themselves that they ask you straight in the face ''ow, so you're not into girls?'' whenever you don't show any interest"
> 
> I would say to them..I am into girls...I'm just not into you! Hah! How do you like them apples?


I often wonder if people think this about me. One of the worst comments for me I got a few days ago at a family thing. Someone asked. And I just said no haven't found anyone. It continued to be a drawn out convo that I wish would have just been dropped. Then she said, well at least you're not dating any men yet.


----------



## addictedtochaos

Primarily because I've never found someone that I'm interested that doesn't already have a bf. I had finally decided to ask someone out only to find out just as I was going to that she has a bf. I give up. :sigh


----------



## Strength

Judging from my own life and some people who posted on these forums, I'd say the main reasons why you may not have a bf/gf is:
a) You need to put yourself out there. Not socializing or being seen basically means that no one gets the chance of knowing you and vis versa.
b) You need to practice building up social skills. Even if you are with someone, many people get bored very quickly if you cannot sustain conversations (although not everyone is like this, most are)
c) You need to have tougher skin. If you put yourself out there, there is a chance of rejection. You can't let that stop you from opening up to people, and even if you do get rejected, you have to learn how to bounce back. (this is probably the one I have most trouble with dealing with)
d) You have to do something with your life. Have goals, ambitions, confidence, dress up a bit etc. People tend to want to hang out with others that have something going for them.
e) Just have fun when you talk to people. Don't be so serious. Smile and joke around.
f) Just because someone already has a bf/gf doesn't mean you can't talk to them. I know a lot of people who will stay in relationships even if they're bad because they don't want to be single.


----------



## secretlyshecries

I get this sometimes. The way people say it implies I _should_ have a boyfriend which I think says a lot about people today. Everyone should, apparently, be paired off.


----------



## Peter Attis

Because I don't want one. Duh.


----------



## AussiePea

Woah epic thread bump SSC :high5

I feel the same, my sister in particular is always at me saying "when are you going to get a girlfriend?"

I feel my friends are beginning to make similar comments since a lot of them have gf's but it doesn't really get to me. When it's my time it's my time.


----------



## Banzai

a) I don't think I'm particularly attractive
b) I have great trusting issues. I don't even trust myself for that matter.
c) I greatly dislike the intimacy involved. I can't even imagine myself holding hands with someone.
d) I don't know what to do in a relationship.
e) To the outside world, I am probablly quite normal apart from te fact that I am a "little shy" but really, I am actually far from it. This "fear" of letting anyone know that I actually have alot of _issues_ is what prevents me from getting emotionally close to anyone.
f) I generally do not like conversing with people about personal matters.
g) I am a very negative person, seem annoyed 90% of the time, lack self confidence, lack self esteem, lack emotions, empathy and expressions, have weird obsessions, generally has weird habits, too serious, finds seemingly boring things highly fascinating...

And the list could go on and on and on...


----------



## Peter Attis

Banzai said:


> I can't even imagine myself holding hands with someone.


Holding hands is super gross when you think about it. The palm of your hands are the third-dirtiest parts of your body. So why would you want to touch the third-dirtiest part of somebody else's body?


----------



## AussiePea

Hadron said:


> heh, I think I'm in desperate need of therapy.


Perhaps instead of just talking about it you should go seek it? Trust me, it would be worth it. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.


----------



## AussiePea

Peter Attis said:


> Holding hands is super gross when you think about it. The palm of your hands are the third-dirtiest parts of your body. So why would you want to touch the third-dirtiest part of somebody else's body?


Think about when you hold a public hand rail or door handle, those have had thousands of the 3rd dirtiest body part on them all in one little spot.


----------



## Banzai

Ospi said:


> Perhaps instead of just talking about it you should go seek it? Trust me, it would be worth it. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.


Seeking help here in the UK is a very time consuming and long process, mostly because the waiting list of NHS care is incredibly long. Not sure about this but I think it takes about a 6 months - a year to get an actual diagnosis.


----------



## VIncymon

free thinker said:


> I'm trying to find someone with a similar philosophy. Fat chance, eh?


:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap

Mellenium mentioned something along the lines of "call me names, with her girlfriends, laugh and walk off."

I get that too.

Truthfully though, I don't know why i don't have a girlfriend, all my interactions with women always seem to go fine until the question of romance is brought up.


----------



## AussiePea

Banzai said:


> Seeking help here in the UK is a very time consuming and long process, mostly because the waiting list of NHS care is incredibly long. Not sure about this but I think it takes about a 6 months - a year to get an actual diagnosis.


No excuse not to try though, you either seek the therapy which could help you or continue to struggle along and hope you can sort it out yourself.


----------



## pokeherpro

Low self-esteem, trust issues, and no one has invented a teleportation machine, cause God knows my future girlfriend isn't from this town or area, even.


----------



## Metallic

I don't have any friends. I have a lot of trouble taking friendships beyond the classroom so it's hard to even begin to get to know someone. I was fine with it for a while, after getting past a exboyfriend turned stalker situation, but it's been a year and I'd like to get to know someone, but suck at opening up~


----------



## Meee

Banzai said:


> Seeking help here in the UK is a very time consuming and long process, mostly because the waiting list of NHS care is incredibly long. Not sure about this but I think it takes about a 6 months - a year to get an actual diagnosis.


I got diagnosed relatively quickly, but the waiting list for any treatment that'd actually be useful was fairly long. I think CBT was a 1 year waiting list. Could probably get meds quicker, but i've never gone down that route.


----------



## JFmtl

There is a few reasons:


I have poor social skills, I can't "put myself out there"
I'm not physically attractive or fun looking either
I am usually not comfortable with what involves things like intimacy, touching other people, etc.
I'm just can't seem to be able to go talk to women, it's like I had some kind of blocking, I always envision the worse scenario possible.


----------



## Efsee

-I can't live up to peoples expectations, general avoidance.
-lack of social skills
-lack of opportunities


My cousin asked me this once, and honestly I thought it was a very rude question to ask. As someone here has already said, what kind of answer would a person expect?


----------



## nothing to fear

Peter Attis said:


> Holding hands is super gross when you think about it. The palm of your hands are the third-dirtiest parts of your body. So why would you want to touch the third-dirtiest part of somebody else's body?


maybe cause it feels wonderful to hold and play with the hands of someone with whom you share an intense mutual affection/emotional bond/attraction/etc. :yes really when you experience that, cleanliness becomes a low priority, at least for me it does which i am glad for. i'd rather die twenty years earlier than usual and go through life partaking in these "unclean" activities and take that risk, rather than never at all and living a longer, completely germ-free life.


----------



## Tangent

To answer the thread title:


Because I'm f*** ugly
Because I despise the institutions of fashion and cosmetics
Because I am a weird academic who finds the things normal people like to talk about mundane and vacuous
Because I don't understand the contradictions of the female mind
Because I don't understand or care for social protocol
Because I don't like people who take life seriously
Because I am quite sickly
Because I prefer debate to consensus
Because I have no friends
Because I do random things for the purposes of fun, rather than routine things such as repetetive clubbing, which I find gets boring if overdone

...I could go on...but then reason number 11 was going to be that I tend to ramble at torturous length.


----------



## LostPancake

because i have low confidence in my attractiveness, and that low confidence is unattractive. i am confident of that. 

plus i'm too much yin and not enough yang. i was raised to think all i needed to get girls was be cute and sweet. this has not gone down well. and i loathed everything that my dad represented, especially the exaggerated masculinity, so i avoided being like that at all costs.


----------



## nothing to fear

i think i was only asked this a few times. more often people just assumed i didn't have one for obvious reasons at the time. i even had a friend tell me once, completely out of the blue in grade 11 french class, "wow, i can NEVER imagine you having a boyfriend!". i wonder what people think now that i do, but at the same time i really don't care and their opinion on that is very insignificant.


----------



## JMX

My excuse is because I don't know how to get one.


----------



## Witan

Just haven't met the right girl yet. Plus, I tend to take a business-like "strictly professional" attitude around women I like. I don't wanna come across as creepy, so I end up overcompensating.


----------



## IcoRules

I guess my main reason is I think I won't find anyone compatible with me. I think I'm too weird to deal with and a guy just wouldn't understand. I feel like I'll never find someone who likes me for me.


----------



## Cerberus

I missed a lot of social milestones due to insecurities, anxiety, and extreme depression. It's not exactly easy to progress socially when one is suicidal.

Now that I've gotten beyond a lot of the troubles that used to plague me, I've been met with a new set of insecurities. For example, how will I look, at this age, trying to progress socially to social milestones kids eight years younger than me have already progressed to? F-ck life.


----------



## Peter Attis

Over the last couple of years or so, I've come to the realization that I don't actually WANT a girlfriend. I just want to know that I can GET one if I DID because that would seriously help me out with my many inferiority complexes. :sigh


----------



## Perfectionist

BECAUSE I JUST DON'T OKAY!? 

That's how my responses usually go.


----------



## STKinTHEmud

I've been conditioned to fear rejection, so I don't ask women out or even give signals.


----------



## AussiePea

STKinTHEmud said:


> I've been conditioned to fear rejection, so I don't ask women out or even give signals.


Ding ding ding! We have a winner!!! I am exactly the same


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Just tell them you're too shallow or something??


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Anyhoos my reason is I've just come out of a relationship and I am enjoying my solitude and focusing on my goals for awhile.


----------



## Iced Soul

My usual answer to that is, 'I'm focusing on school'. This is true, but a boyfriend couldn't do that much damage, I guess.

The real reasons: It is hard talking to attractive guys, I'm not that attractive, and I can never find one who is interested in the same things I'm interested in.


----------



## Dempsey

I used to get asked constantly at work. I'm glad it stopped, it's not like I have a good answer.


----------



## rincewind

I would only want to get into a relationship with someone if I knew them relatively well to start with. Asking out some random person you've just met based on nothing but their looks has always sounded like a stupid idea to me. Fair enough, it might get you a few one night stands but I don't particularly want that result. I want to be in a relationship with someone I *like*, who I simply enjoy spending time with. 
Anyway, since I have so much trouble talking to people and tend to avoid most social situations, I never get to know anyone very well (with one or two exceptions online). That means I can never really get into the position of knowing a woman well enough that I'd feel comfortable asking her out. I also have extremely low self-confidence which of course leads to thoughts like "She'll just say no, why bother?", "Why would she want to be in a relationship with me?", "I'm too boring for her" and many, many more :|


----------



## N3XT2NON3

i wish i had a gf, i just dont have one because i dont happen to have one


----------



## addictedtochaos

I would like to have a gf, but I haven't because I've only ever asked out one person and she turned me down, really not looking forward to feeling that way again.


----------



## Saqq

nothing to fear said:


> i think i was only asked this a few times. more often people just assumed i didn't have one for obvious reasons at the time. i even had a friend tell me once, completely out of the blue in grade 11 french class, "wow, i can NEVER imagine you having a boyfriend!". i wonder what people think now that i do, but at the same time i really don't care and their opinion on that is very insignificant.


I find that hard to believe, you're a stunner (and fun to hang around with)  I'm sure you wouldn't have any trouble if you asked anyone out


----------



## Canadian Brotha

To anyone who's met me it's obvious why I don't, I have low self-esteem & poor social skills which are worse around gals. That & I'm not actively looking, I suppose if I tried then it would just be a matter or rejection


----------



## pollster

Cerberus said:


> I missed a lot of social milestones due to insecurities, anxiety, and extreme depression. It's not exactly easy to progress socially when one is suicidal.
> 
> Now that I've gotten beyond a lot of the troubles that used to plague me, I've been met with a new set of insecurities. For example, how will I look, at this age, trying to progress socially to social milestones kids eight years younger than me have already progressed to? F-ck life.


I completely agree with this entire post from my own POV. (Although my depression was only at a potential suicidal tipping point relatively briefly.)

It's actually quite depressing to think of this. Been something on my mind lately... it's a bit of a vicious circle isn't it? Ugh. :|


----------



## nightrain

I'm not pleasant to be around...


----------



## brokensaint

I'll put it in hockey terms: if you were a free agent, would you want to sign in Phoenix? No, because the Coyotes suck and nobody cares about them.


----------



## Neptunus

A. I haven't really tried.
B. I'm self-employed, and not in an environment conducive to meeting people my age.
C. I have nothing in common with the rest of the human race
D. Most everyone 25+ is taken.
E. I've got some weird-*ss things about myself that greatly reduce the odds, i.e. religious beliefs etc. And changing faiths is, well, non-negotiable.
F. Been there, done that. If it happens again, then great... otherwise I'm content with being by myself.


----------



## alex999

I came very close to having a GF at 18, but nothing since. Right now the main cog in preventing me from getting a GF is the fact I have no social life, or much life in general, and I have SA. I'm not sure any girl, beautiful or ugly, would want to date me at this point in my life.

I do know that I'm the only person in my whole family who has never had a relaitonship with the opposite sex. Even my cousin, who is the same age and just as shy as me, has had 2 relationships already.


----------



## numero1

Hadron said:


> the thought of saying the dreaded words "I love you" make me sick to the pit of my stomach


stole what i was going to say


----------



## Saqq

I don't have much hope due to personal history + my brother.

He's "perfect" as some girls would say, works out, good looking, extroverted, tons of friends, high paying job, 1.5 years older than me -- goes out on dates nearly every day with a different girl - still hasn't found anyone who interests him (in about 3 months) - maybe he's super shallow or something, I don't know, but 5~ dates a week and nothing -- I'm at like 0.5~ dates in 25 years and it sucks heh :|

I have no idea what to do...


----------



## Banzai

Meee said:


> I got diagnosed relatively quickly, but the waiting list for any treatment that'd actually be useful was fairly long. I think CBT was a 1 year waiting list. Could probably get meds quicker, but i've never gone down that route.


Sorry, you're right - it's the treatment, not the diagnosis.



Peter Attis said:


> Holding hands is super gross when you think about it. The palm of your hands are the third-dirtiest parts of your body. So why would you want to touch the third-dirtiest part of somebody else's body?


I can think of far more dirtier places than the palms of your hands which people still touch and if they didn't, you and I wouldn't even be here.

Do you have OCD by any chance, Peter Attis?


----------



## huh

I've never had anyone really come out and ask me that. I've only had two people ever ask if I've had a girlfriend (not why). One was a girl in high school. No idea why she asked me, because I don't think she was interested in me. Another was when I was doing an internship somewhere. This girl was really obvious about flirting with me. I just wasn't attracted to her though. All my co-workers teased me about it =/

If someone asked why I'd probably just give some bull**** response about being busy, not enough time (Hah! What a lie...lol). I think a lot of people that know me assume I'm gay. Which isn't really accurate, but not completely inaccurate either.

Several reasons why I don't have a significant other...


I'm socially awkward.
I have no friends and attend very few, if any, social events; thus severely limiting my chances of meeting anyone.
I have a tendency towards avoidant behavior
I often have low self-esteem and depression issues. (This has gotten slightly better though)
 Certainly other things, but I'd rather not drag this on or make it sound like I'm wallowing in my own misery. Just listing a few things that are honestly stopping me, though surely some things I can change (or try to at least).


----------



## Tristram

24 years old, never had a gf, and amazingly enough I've never been asked why I don't have one.

Some of the reasons why I'm not in a relationship, in no particular order:

1) Low self-esteem and zero confidence. This one's pretty obvious. Women seem to be generally attracted to confidence, and if you're all sheepish and quiet, they won't be exactly flocking to meet you. Deep down I still don't think I'm really worthy of women's attention.

2) Love-shyness. I don't have a lot of confidence in general, but things get 100x worse with the opposite sex. I tend to put most women up on a pedestal, like scary Amazons or something, so I can never interact with them as equals.

3) Lack of trying. I'm not really actively looking. I never go to clubs or any other place where it's acceptable to try to pick up someone, and in everyday life I can't seem to make friends with women. My SA and love-shyness mean that I do not initiate conversations with females.

4) Unrealistic standards. Ok, I realize that the way I look means jack sh*t. I see guys all the time who are uglier and fatter than me, and they have awesome girlfriends. The problem is that I'm pretty goddamn shallow myself. The only girl I've ever asked out is pretty much in my top 5, and that includes celebrities. I guess I should start going after average girls and hope there's going to be some sort of attraction down the road.

I suppose these are all more or less connected. My SA is pretty mild and focused on certain things, but this issue alone is causing me a huge amount of stress.


----------



## Johnny_Genome

I've been asked this several times, mostly by taken girls. They seem genuinely curious as to why a guy like me is single.


----------



## addictedtochaos

Doesn't help that literally every girl/woman that I know within my age group is taken.


----------



## Witan

Johnny_Genome said:


> I've been asked this several times, mostly by taken girls. They seem genuinely curious as to why a guy like me is single.


Why is it always taken girls who ask that?!? :lol


----------



## Peter Attis

brokensaint said:


> I'll put it in hockey terms: if you were a free agent, would you want to sign in Phoenix? No, because the Coyotes suck and nobody cares about them.


:get


----------



## STKinTHEmud

Johnny_Genome said:


> I've been asked this several times, mostly by taken girls. They seem genuinely curious as to why a guy like me is single.


My favorite is when those female friends tell my I'm "pretty good looking," and then tell me that women go for personality more than looks. 1. Am I good looking or not? 2. Does that mean my personality sucks?

Thanks, friends.


----------



## 2Talkative

brokensaint said:


> I'll put it in hockey terms: if you were a free agent, would you want to sign in Phoenix? No, because the Coyotes suck and nobody cares about them.


Only a Canadian would put something into hockey terms.


----------



## Tristram

somethinginthewind said:


> Wow.


I said that half-jokingly, but still, it's pretty simple. There are two kinds of women in this world: those I'm sexually attracted to and those I'm not, and the former group is pretty small (like I said, unreasonable standards). Judging people only by their looks is extremely shallow, I'm aware of that. You're going to have to excuse my lack of experience here, because I don't know how an average girl is going to get any more desirable in my eyes as I get to know her or something. I just don't know. Which means I should probably just stop giving a f*** how people look.


----------



## forever_dreamer

I'm a bit shallow as well I'll admit it but yeah looks shouldn't matter but yet I understand people have their preferences. I know I do and maybe I can be a bit too picky that's why I don't have one. I don't really greet people and most of the time I'm avoiding people and looking as mean as possible (sometimes intentionally-keep my defenses up I guess) so that's why I don't have a boyfriend.


----------



## duskyy

I have to get my own life together before I try to be in someone else's.


----------



## Fuzzy Logic

- I'm not very attractive
- I'm not confident
- I can't hold a conversation with a stranger
- I don't have any real interests to talk about even if I could
- I have no friends through which to actually meet people


----------



## duskyy

Fuzzy Logic said:


> - I'm not very attractive
> - I'm not confident
> - I can't hold a conversation with a stranger
> - I don't have any real interests to talk about even if I could
> - I have no friends through which to actually meet people


all of that, too.


----------



## zomgz

Fuzzy Logic said:


> - I'm not very attractive
> - I'm not confident
> - I can't hold a conversation with a stranger
> - I don't have any real interests to talk about even if I could
> - I have no friends through which to actually meet people


i think the thing is, is that you can meet someone exactly like you! no matter what you think of yourself. i haven't tested that theory though haha, but i think it's true :]

oh and i bet your attractive!! =]


----------



## 00Athena00

1. I don't talk to anyone and I don't have any friends.
2. I'm not good looking and I never will be.
3. The only guys who are attracted to me are ones who think I'm weak and easy to control. I'm not though, so I scare them off pretty quickly. 
4. I have high standards, but guys who fit my needs can easily find girls who are more attractive and have less baggage. 

I would love to have a real relationship, but I have accepted that it's likely not going to happen.


----------



## scarletquill

1) Because I'm not looking.

2) Because I don't want to burden a man with my problems. I want to get better from my depression before I seek a partner.


----------



## Toad Licker

I haven't been looking for one, not that I wouldn't mind having one I just haven't been looking.


----------



## SAgirl

I have dated two non SAers and people have used my SA against me in the past. 

My solution: date a guy who has SA. I might actually try this some day.


----------



## EagerMinnow84

I can't seem to relate to guys. The ones I do manage to meet in this huge city tend to be on the severely immature side. :blank


----------



## Steve123

Probably because I don't talk to anyone.


----------



## FakeFur

I don't have a boyfriend because, I don't ever put myself out there to meet guys, I'm not attractive, I'm sorta boring, and I'm not confident in myself. Right now though, having a boyfriend really isn't that important to me anyway.


----------



## 2Talkative

SAgirl said:


> I have dated two non SAers and people have used my SA against me in the past.
> 
> My solution: date a guy who has SA. I might actually try this some day.


Move out to Vancouver


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

huh said:


> Several reasons why I don't have a significant other...
> 
> 
> I'm socially awkward.
> I have no friends and attend very few, if any, social events; thus severely limiting my chances of meeting anyone.
> I have a tendency towards avoidant behavior
> I often have low self-esteem and depression issues. (This has gotten slightly better though)


Ditto on all points.

Add that I think I'm boring and have disbelief someone would be attracted to me, and voila, the mystery is solved.

Also maybe because of the fact that other than work, I don't really leave the house to go anywhere to meet people...


----------



## ChadsWick1234

*Girlfriends*

I even had a girl where I use to work come up to me and say your cute why don't you have a girlfriend? I responded by saying I am just picky. In reality I am sometimes just to shy.


----------



## Shauna The Dead

Now my reason is that the guy I like hasn't moved back to KY yet...


----------



## Wehttam

I don't have one because I always seem to screw it up from my SA nerves....apart from blushing like a tomato and having head rushes, I say the stupidest jerkish things lol (maybe its an unconscious method of scaring them away on purpose :S)

The other day at the store some girl said "omg, you have such a great accent!, where are you from??"

and my reply?

"From a place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions...!"


----------



## ericastooge

I really want a boyfriend sometimes but then I tell myself I can't have one yet because I still don't know how to live on my own.


----------



## Larkspur

People ask me this all the time...and, they don't believe me when I tell them that I don't have a boyfriend. I guess it is kind of flattering? But, I usually tell them that, "I'm not really looking to date right now." or "I'm not looking for anything [a relationship], I'm waiting for it to find me." I usually don't feel anxious about saying the first response because it makes it look like I am single by choice, and I am a hopeless romantic at heart, so the second response usually conveys that. 

In reality, I am too anxious to be in a serious relationship. The idea of having someone so close to me scares me...and the ideas of what _other_ people will think about the relationship scares me too. :afr


----------



## IHeartSteveMcQueen

kinda don't want one at the moment. I feel a little suffocated by the whole thing and I cannot be my deviant self.


----------



## delirium

A previous relationship has soured my view of relationships, so I'm conflicted about whether I even want one.

Social anxiety keeps me from meeting new women in real life, so that even if I feel like I do want a relationship I can't act on this feeling and meet new women.

The risks I've taken in spite of my social anxiety haven't paid off -- incompatible, or a lesbian, or she has a boyfriend.

All the ones I like don't like me back, or they are in a long-term committed and loving relationship and I have no place interfering with that. 

Maybe my standards are too high.

Or, I just haven't met the right person (bad luck).


----------



## rdrr

^^^^^ what the previous poster said.


----------



## cmed

Drella said:


> Yeah, I've also been asked why I don't have any friends.


Hurtful. That's probably the most offensive question anybody can ask me. My grandmother asked me this a long time ago. I wanted to ask her "why don't you have any teeth?"

I don't have a girlfriend because I haven't been proactive enough to approach a girl I find interesting. This is something I'm changing. I'd like to think once I find a girl that I click with and find interesting, I will ask her out.


----------



## gaz

I'm fed up of the question ''Why don't you have a girlfriend''...This woman i'm talking to on yahoo thinks i am gay because of it. Why do people insist that the only way to have a fulfilling life is by being in a relationship!


----------



## cmed

gaz said:


> Why do people insist that the only way to have a fulfilling life is by being in a relationship!


I think partly because a lot of people are stuck in miserable relationships they deeply regret and feel the need to shove their misery down everyone else's throat. This is a common theme I've noticed. And I even remember when I was with my last gf once things were getting bad I envied everyone who was single and free.


----------



## Cerberus

CrashMedicate said:


> I think partly because a lot of people are stuck in miserable relationships they deeply regret and feel the need to shove their misery down everyone else's throat. This is a common theme I've noticed. And I even remember when I was with my last gf once things were getting bad I envied everyone who was single and free.


This is how I've been looking at it lately. It's seems so damn hard to notice relationships that don't have a lot of pointless drama and fighting. I would hate to have to constantly be on my toes, ready for a fight. Then there are couples who say they're happy, yet they're constantly fighting. I guess that's fun for some couples, but count me the **** out of that category.


----------



## InThe519

Because I honestly can't be bothered with the headache that is a relationship. It's not that I don't have a couple girls that are very interested, it's not that I am unattractive and it's not that I couldn't have a gf tomorrow. It's more I need to better myself professionally before I can commit to a serious relationship.


----------



## FBH

CrashMedicate said:


> I don't have a girlfriend because I haven't been proactive enough to approach a girl I find interesting. This is something I'm changing. I'd like to think once I find a girl that I click with and find interesting, I will ask her out.


Pretty much the same here.

And I've got a feeling this is the *real* reason for most people, combined with low self-esteem. I think a lot of people are too busy tearing themselves apart to see that someone who likes you enough can over-look all the silly little things.


----------



## SophieZ

Sometimes it's better off being single and not having to deal with too many rules.


----------



## Steve123

Lack of socializing.


----------



## Milco

I've gotten asked a few times why I don't have a gf, and I never really know what to answer. To me, the question implies that it's a decision solely up to you and if you actually wanted one you could go to the relationship store and get one tomorrow ^^;
For me, I don't really have trouble getting girls to find me nice and interesting to talk to (so they say at least), but I always do end up in the friend zone, maybe because I'm not confident enough and tend to lose focus of my own needs.


----------



## woot

Steve123 said:


> Lack of socializing.


 ..


----------



## Wulf chan

First I'd frown at them for asking such a rude question. I'd then stare at them for around ten seconds with a bored expression on my face. I'd then say "well, mainly because the person I "like" already has a boyfriend," then walk off, leaving them confused. Aha, this would raise further questions.


----------



## Cosmin

_''Why don't you have a girlfriend?''

_Don't remember anyone asking me this... :um
Not sure of my reaction, but oddly enough I don't think I'd panick. Either questioning them on _why_ would I want a girlfriend (ok, affection on one side, but mind games and the inevitable suffering on the other); or grab the baseball bat and ask them, politely, to mind their own damn business. :yes
And there's always the lovely social phobia that just glows around me and works like a magnet for girls... just that it's always the same polarity (look it up). oke


----------



## pinonate

very simple reason for me

boring+unattractive=no girlfriend


----------



## ostorozhno

gaz said:


> I'm fed up of the question ''Why don't you have a girlfriend''...This woman i'm talking to on yahoo thinks i am gay because of it. Why do people insist that the only way to have a fulfilling life is by being in a relationship!


Because societal rules have told us that that is one of the main ways to be happy and feel satisfied.

I'm not dating anyone because I don't want to be dragged down. I'm perfectly content to be single; maybe even for the rest of my life.


----------



## anomalous

pinonate said:


> very simple reason for me
> 
> boring+unattractive=no girlfriend


Yup. Fairly simple formula.

To be more specific, in my case, I'm a 22 y/o male who's 5'8" and 125 lbs. Simply by considering those two numbers alone, it's obvious to anyone with a sense of reality that I have very little hope of attracting >90% of women without an exceptional personality or social presence... which I kinda don't have. In fact, my personality is about as woeful and underdeveloped as my body.

In the spirit of staying positive, I try to look at it this way: at least I've always known with a high degree of certainty that girls are a futile pursuit for me. I don't have to waste my time wondering whether or not I'm really attractive, since there are objective, measurable factors working strongly against me. I actually feel more sorry for the guys who are caught right near the cutoff of what women consider acceptable; who're just valuable enough to be lead on, teased, and used by girls looking for an ego boost in between their relationships with "real" men. At least I've never had to worry about that!


----------



## STKinTHEmud

Because American society is still so indoctrinated into an image of rugged male individualism that, for the most part, we actually still expect men to make the first move, despite that expectation's horrible effect on feminism (gender equality) and that most women often complain about creeps hitting on them.


----------



## miniman45

Because im ugly, have no life and have no qualities for another human being to enjoy, whats the point


----------



## societe anonyme

1. Because I don't put myself 'out there' (between work, uni and a social life that could politely be described as sparse)
2. Because I have a total inability to carry on a witty, urbane conversation with a girl that holds their attention and doesn't have any stupid and/or cringeworthy and/or inadvertently offensive bits in it
3. Because I am afraid to make any move towards intimacy lest it cause offence
4. Because I'm 'eccentric' (aka weird)
5. The girls I do try for tend to like me as 'a friend' (aka 'get lost, creep')...


----------



## Spettro

STKinTHEmud said:


> Because American society is still so indoctrinated into an image of rugged male individualism that, for the most part, we actually still expect men to make the first move, despite that expectation's horrible effect on feminism (gender equality) and that most women often complain about creeps hitting on them.


It's not just america, here in the UK it's very much the same.

Men are expected to be confident, charming etc etc, the shy guy sitting the corner has no chance.


----------



## JFmtl

Not attractive enough, plus anyway, my life doesn't need any more drama, dissapointment, frustration and hurting, all of which are synonyms to the relationship topic in my life.


----------



## Hippo

The "not attractive enough" thing confuses me. When I go out, I see all kinds of couples. I see couples that I find really attractive, I also see couples that I find unattractive. I also see mismatched couples where I find one attractive and the other not. The point being, if these people that I think are unattractive can find a match, then anyone can.


----------



## jonesy0039

relationships never workout well for me... why would i want to continue being hurt over and over again?


----------



## JFmtl

Hippo said:


> The "not attractive enough" thing confuses me. When I go out, I see all kinds of couples. I see couples that I find really attractive, I also see couples that I find unattractive. I also see mismatched couples where I find one attractive and the other not. The point being, if these people that I think are unattractive can find a match, then anyone can.


By not attractive enough, I meant as a overall person attractivness(personality, life sitution, looks, approchable or not, outgoing, person-you-like-to-be-with-thing etc), not just looks. Even if I was looking like a gym model, I would have said the same thing.

Some people are not that great looking, but are very attractive in other aspects.


----------



## merryk

We are making our way toward each other, just haven't met yet :yes


----------



## ryobi

I'm just so messed up and embarrased about my situation...


----------



## halfsharkgator

hmm.. so i can either be honest and tell them that i have social anxiety, i rarely leave the house and its even more rare that im in a social situation with girls my age. not to mention my conversation skills and confidence are shot..

but i usually just say i dont have one at the time, or that im dating but not met someone i really like... bend the truth a little


----------

