# How do you find hosting/having guests?



## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

I'm supposed to be cleaning, nervous cleaning, because my Brother and his Wife and coming to visit this evening.

I'm always very nervous about having people over - wondering what they think of my house, how I host etc.

I wish I were a natural people-person, who made everyone happy and relaxed. Anyone managed to become like that?

I'm even stressing about what drinks to offer.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

I am a clean freak and stress over people coming over as well.

Just give yourself a break and go with simplified lists. Unless they are snobs and dandies, they should just be happy to have any type of drink in a generic category:

* Beer (Maybe one light one such as Stella Artois and one full one such as Heineken).
* Wine (One type of white and one type of red wine)
* Pepsi/Coke
* Sunkist or 7Up/Sprite
* Juice drinks for children
* Tea/coffee


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I'm a basket case. Maybe I'll handle it better now that I'm on medication. I know what you mean about wanting to be a gracious host and make everyone feel welcome. I'm very protective of my stuff so I'm always afraid someone's going to destroy something too. My young cousins were once playing with some of my prized snow globes and I was all :afr.

I hope that you have a nice time with your family.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AnxiousA said:


> I'm supposed to be cleaning, nervous cleaning, because my Brother and his Wife and coming to visit this evening.
> 
> I'm always very nervous about having people over - wondering what they think of my house, how I host etc.
> 
> ...


You know, this is a significant thing for me - I am SOOO afraid to have people over. It stems from the shame of having a parent with mental illness - it went unmedicated for years. As a teen, I could not bring people home.

That parent is fine now, but the shame is programmed.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

I've never done it. My girlfriends/wife always did/does that and they do all the socializing stuff too. Unless it's some topic that I find really interesting; then I can go totally off-tangent and people have to shut me up. But even then I feel really tired of talking because we never really understand each other. Sometimes, I think we are only pretending to talk to other people and are really talking to ourselves.The part that I despise the most is the greetings and good-buys. I get really anxious because I hate the formalities of hand-shakes/hugging/kissing. I avoid it whenever I can but when I'm forced to do it, I feel lost/confused/anxious/repulsed. I think that's the most difficult part of having guests over or going to other people's houses/parties.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

It is one of my MAJOR sources of anxiety. 

One of (if not the major reason) I do not have many friends is because when I become friendly with someone and we get to that stage in the relations where it is "natural" to go over each other's houses freak out about the idea of them seeing where I live (I'm not crazy about people even dropping me off and watching me walk into my house). 

I have a female friend who I see twice a week, every week for the past two years. I go over her house at least once a week, she has been to my house like 4 times in 15 years... and that's 4 more times than ANY of my current friends.

And I only bring her over when I have I know exactly what we are going to be doing for every split second she is there, and I know I have exactly the type of foods and drink and snacks I know she will enjoy.

I could never throw a party, for fear of the judgements.


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## LynnNBoys (Jul 13, 2011)

I'm okay with my hubby's older brother and SIL because they're here every other Friday night. But anyone else, I stress out. I'm a horrible hostess.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I never host anything. Even when I was a kid, I seldom invited people to my house. I have no shame or anything, I've just never felt inclined to invite people around and host stuff. I hate going to parties/dinners as it is.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

I hate guests..coz I dnt have great people around me..they have lots of negative energies n narrowmindness to throw in my house..i hate it..my mom already knows that...i would love to host only when I m ready for it


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

I only have people over when I have no choice,I just can't be comfortable or relax for a second. I think it stems from my childhood,it was really abnormal for anyone to come over.


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## wnt2chng (Dec 21, 2011)

I'm so happy to realize that I'm not the only one with these problems.


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## Nothereanymore (Dec 20, 2011)

I love having relatives and friends over...but I stress over acquaintences coming. Once somebody has been here a few times I'm good, but I get nervous over that "first impression" thing, especially if I don't know what they like (i.e. playing games, or just talking, or watching tv, or what.)


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

Strangely as a kid, I used to love it when we'd have visitors in the house. Surely, I would not really sit down and chat with them for long, but I loved preparing & serving drinks and food for them. But nowadays I hate it! I've become such a perfectionist that nothing I do or own is good enough. I can spend hours thinking about how my stupid old tv will embarrass me or that my guests will find a tiny hair in their food. Just the thought alone gets me the chills. I don't even want to be there when repairmen need to come into the house, because that freaks me out as well.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I hate having people over too. On the rare occasions i have had people over, I always couldnt wait for them to leave.


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## GotAnyGrapes (Dec 7, 2011)

This might sound horrible but i might aswell be honest. But I hate when people make a fuss over me (do you want a drink?, can i take your coat?, here let me help you to your seat), its like they try too hard and it annoys me tbh. 

I'd rather they just opened the door, said hello and "make your self at home", maybe add "the fridge is over there if you want anything". When i get that treatment i feel really at home and at ease. But start fussing, trying to be a really good host and its just. . . uke:afr


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## tardisblue (Dec 4, 2011)

When I have guests coming over, I always go little crazy with the cleaning. I get self-conscious when I have any sort of mess and people are going to visit. If people are in my neighborhood and want to stop by but my place isn't completely tidy, I'll turn them away.


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## humourless (Sep 27, 2011)

My main stress when hosting is the cooking because my wife doesn't cook. My cooking is barely up to scratch. I can't put on a classy meal. I'm OK with the chatting and the drinks but the cooking is the main reason I don't invite people over.
Also there is not a lot to do besides play with the dog. Maybe I need a dartboard!
Hang on ....I can play "tiptoe thru the tulips " on ukulele..that will impress!


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

humourless said:


> My main stress when hosting is the cooking because my wife doesn't cook. My cooking is barely up to scratch. I can't put on a classy meal. I'm OK with the chatting and the drinks but the cooking is the main reason I don't invite people over.
> Also there is not a lot to do besides play with the dog. Maybe I need a dartboard!
> Hang on ....I can play "tiptoe thru the tulips " on ukulele..that will impress!


:lol That's awesome :yes. I can play Stairway to Heaven on guitar. Only song I know :b.

My house...has some nasty carpet that our landlord won't replace. I'm afraid to have people over because it's discolored and nasty-looking. Plus, I have a giant cat whose butt is never totally clean :sus. And she's kind of an attention *****. I'm always petting her because she's my main source of security, and guests find that to be pretty odd sometimes :roll.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I don't have people over, & the few times I did have people stay over I was very uncomfortable and my anxiety levels went through the roof. That is why I avoid having company at all costs.


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

I do it because I have to do it.


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## Stormclouds (Mar 8, 2011)

I hate having to host get-togethers. I always worry about my "performance" being graded and critiqued, usually negatively. Managed to get through Christmas without any major disasters, even though the turkey was still partially frozen on Christmas morning. I should be proud of myself for decorating the house, baking 300 cookies in 2 days, and preparing a 5-course meal, but naturally I just chalk it up to coincidence that I didn't **** anything up.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

its actually kind of a welcome change for me when guests come over. of course me and my dad clean up the house really well before they come. 

however it depends on the guest if it is my outgoing cousins it is kind of a torture and in a way a bit disatoruous. as much as i like a welcome change to my routine i don't act properly at times and that probably rubs them the wrong way.

if it is my uncle and aunt then i like it because they are quiet people and it gives me an excuse to get out of the house to go to restaurants which i do like.

overall though i don't mind a change to get me out of my comfort zone even if it is a little awkward.


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## educatedanxiety (Jan 8, 2012)

*Guests ar my house? An empty house = peaceful*

بسم الله. 
I have just finished hosting guests. I have major anxiety in any social situation, and having guests come over to my place is no exception. I usually don't post, but decided to, because of how much this anxiety affects me in this scenario. I just had guests come over and leave a little while ago.

I am terrified of having guests come over. Why? I never know what to say to them when they come. What if I don't have anything to say? Just twiddle our thumbs and sit awkwardly? In that situation, I would want to just do something to occupy myself, like use a computer, or just be alone, but I can't in that situation, what with serving guests. I feel this huge responsibility that I am responsible for keeping it lively and keeping them entertained, but I am too nervous to feel normal. I don't know what topics to talk about. Having anxiety disorder, I already feel not myself, with no feelings of life and personality and zeal. and I'm not able to generate a whole lot of stimulating convo. And I have a one-dimensional personality which is not very likable.

When serving guests, I feel that I am on edge, seeing if they want anything. Or figuring out how to be in a way that they would like it. But if different personalities are there, I'm more confused about how to act. And if I say something, I'm paranoid that someone may think it's weird, or laugh inside at it, and pass a judgement on me.

Right now, my guests just came over to study for a class we are taking. So I didn't have too much to talk to them about. But even then, I felt so nervous.

Scary scenarios: What if it was only one other guest? It would just be me and him. I wouldn't know what to say. and it would be awkward. It would feel terrible. But I can't just get out, I have to think of something entertaining cuz he's my guest. But I just don't feel like talking most of the time nowadays anyways, cuz I don't feel comfortable in myself.

So I really don't know what to do with guests, especially since all there really is to do is to sit and talk. No TV. No pets. Just wait for food, and talk. It's such a nervous situation that you just want out.

My relatives are very good hosts and they seem to enjoy it. I feel not too uncomfortable there, especially when I have a talker, like my parents there to do the talking. But if it's just me and my wife, I feel again responsible to be a good guest and think of stuff to say. cuz if not, it will be awkward, cuz I really don't have much to say. But nevertheless, it wasn't too bad at their house. But if we flip it, and say that they were to come stay a couple nights at our house, then that would be simply nerve wracking and terrible, because what on earth would I do to keep them entertained for two whole days? I don't know what to say or do. They wouldn't want to go out to see the buildings, and there is not many nice sights to see here, compared to where they're from. They've been here longer than us, so we wouldn't be showing them anything new. So its like they would get bored out of their minds, and I would feel super nervous and not want them there. I could picture it, "so what else? nothing much....." and then awkward, awkward, silence." It's just terrible and anxiety provoking that I wouldn't want to deal with that scenario. الله مستعان.


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## littlemisshy (Aug 10, 2010)

AnxiousA said:


> I'm supposed to be cleaning, nervous cleaning, because my Brother and his Wife and coming to visit this evening.
> 
> I'm always very nervous about having people over - wondering what they think of my house, how I host etc.
> 
> ...


I hope the evening went ok?

I must say I am also a very anxious host even with my inlaws etc. But I do find the more I have people over the easier it is becoming...and you can even enjoy yourself
I usually have maybe just my MIL or FIL over but in the past month I have been having more people over than usual. (being the holidays).
This week will be the first time in over 5 years that my hubby and I will be going out for dinner with another couple

I think what also helps in these situations (when you have people over) is that they are most prob are feeling not entirely comfortable either. People will always be more comfortable in their own homes...


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## Beanstalk (Jan 28, 2012)

I have a friend visiting soon, and I'm really anxious about it. 
He's coming from a long way away, and I care about this friend. 

I visited him a couple of years ago, and it was great.
But now I feel all this pressure to make sure his visit is good, too. 
And I just hate having anyone in my space. 

And I will have to go on a cleaning binge beforehand, and then resent my wife for not helping out. (She does not believe in cleaning.)

Thank God I still have 1 friendship that I haven't managed to sabotage or neglect.


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## lazyyogi (Feb 6, 2012)

My wife's family is over right now and I'm hiding out in a dark spare bedroom reading the SA posts. I like them a lot but it's the weekend and I need some down time. By the way, I'm new to the forum. Hello and a sincere thank you all for sharing. Be well friends.


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## Hoyden (Aug 31, 2011)

I have a friend from Uni who has moved to a small town near by. I think she has decided my place will make a good place to crash when she needs to come into our city.

She's OK, but whines so much! And she seems annoyed that I'm quiet. 

I like my own space, especially after a week of work. So already I'm thinking of excuses...


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## Beanstalk (Jan 28, 2012)

lazyyogi welcome! I am a firm believer in down time. hiding/re-energizing. Same thing.


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