# throwing myself into the deep end



## sammy6682 (Dec 12, 2005)

I have come to some conclusions.

I have SA and discovered that I have to do something drastic about it as I cant keep on making more and more excuses not to do the "normal" things that so many people take for granted such as going for a meal, or going to the shops.

I have made so many excuses to people about me not being able to go for that meal, or go to this place...that people are starting to think I am always ill and not wanting to be around them.

People ask me to do things and I am so up for it and I really want to do it but I worry slightly and as the event comes closer...i decide to make that last minute excuse because I cant do it...I feel so anxious and nervous, feelings of sickness etc.

I havent always had SA, I have always been shy but I have always been a happy, up for it type person...happy to do things. Now i cant even leave the house without anxiety striking me.

I have come to the conclusion that I have sa because my circumstances have changed...I used to go out every day...infact i was never out of the house....Now i have become lazy...I stay at home all the time and now I dont go out so when i do venture out...It is a shock to the system....

Im going to go out every day and every single night and make myself do it because I cant go on like this.

I feel like i am trapped in someone elses mind...i dont feel like myself.


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## Violette (Aug 21, 2005)

Best of luck in trying to get out more. You've done it before so it's in your subconscious, it's a matter of not stressing y'self out about it. I envy the fact that you have people asking you to go places with them. I've never had that, l've always been a solo flyer and it sucks. I'd love to be asked anywhere.


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## saint liebowitz (Apr 17, 2004)

Well just remember sammy that all it takes at first to change is a recognition of the problem, which you have. And then after that just a decision to change it, and you can only do so much right now. So just take what small steps you can and reinforce in yourself that someday, you will get better, and it will get easier, you just have to recognise it, make a decision, and try.

Good luck man.


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## leilanistar (Jul 6, 2004)

Dear Sammy 6682,



> People ask me to do things and I am so up for it and I really want to do it but I worry slightly and as the event comes closer...i decide to make that last minute excuse because I cant do it...I feel so anxious and nervous, feelings of sickness etc.


I have always had SA, but only knew what it was for a short while (which at my old age seems like a short time--about 10 years), but I still do what you say you do. I am asked to do things constantly because, like MacBeth said, in Shakespeare's play of the same name--MacBeth), I am just an actor on a stage (not a direct quote, but I think you get my drift...) so people never see the real me. They see this outgoing, happy, smiling and fun person. They are attracted to that person and ask me to all sorts of things, but as the time gets closer and closer to the event, I cancel because I never ever want them to see the real me. I know that people run from people like me.

You say your circumstances have changed; how so? I am just curious. You say you are lazy; do you think you may be depressed?

Star


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