# Well I centainly learnt a lesson the hardway.



## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

Yesterday was one of those days that I decided I would try something new even though it forces me out of my comfort zone. I had a very busy, stressful week at work and wanted to unwind my stress in a way I havent done before. Also, I was tired of being lonely on the weekends so maybe I thought it wouldnt hurt to meet new people (specifically looking to find a girl for a date) in a popular, quick and easy way.

So, last night I had my dad drive me to the bus stop. I went to the city to goto a bar. I was depressed on the bus ride there because I hated myself for doing something that I usually dont do simply because I was incredibly lonely.

When I got there - the bar was packed and there were lots of people having conversations and laughing, except for me. Everyone was one upping each other with their carefree egotistical poses and fronts. I basically had a total of 3 beers and the entire 2.5 hrs I was there, I was simply standing against an obscure place on the wall on the crowded outdoor patio upstairs. I was pretending to watch some baseball game on the TV's that were propped up above the bar stand and simply couldn't get myself to make eye contact with anyone. I became a little drunk and found it quite easier to make eye contact, but everyone was already in their little groups and talking and laughing with each other, and I didnt have the audacity to interrupt them. One of the bar waitresses asked if I needed another beer and I shook my head and quietly said no in my typical nervous fashion. She looked at me like I was an annoying, confused child or something and shook her head as she went to go serve other people.

I decided this was wholly unproductive so I wanted to go home. I walked to the busstop in the city in a state of anger and depression. Well, I didnt want to end the nigt on a low note, so I decided to try and salvage the situation by calling the only girl that expressed interest to me on a dating site. it was 11:30 pm and (yes I was drunk at this time, but still rational) And when I called her I asked if it was a bad time for me to call - she said yes she was sleeping and then I said I was sorry and I said goodbye and turned off my cellphone. A few minutes later I turned my phone back on again and she left a message saying that I "Waited too long to call her back." and "She was already in a commited loving relationship" She sounded quite vindicative as well. THat was somewhat understandable since I was calling her in the middle of the night which was a bad choice on my part. I was even more depressed at this point because I left a message with her only two days (I was busy on those two days) after she expressed interest and she never followed up with that. And the reason that I called her at night was because she didnt answer the phone during the day so I thought I would try my (un)luck. She was a former crack addict and self-mutilator, so yes I even lowered my standards to even think about dating someone like this- so I shouldnt have been so surprised.

When I got on the bus it was so packed that people needed to stand in the aisle. The bus driver was known for his fascist tendencies and was barking orders furiously at the young (somewhat unruly and drunk) passengers to get off the bus who had expired student id's or only had 2.50 dollars for bus fare instead of 3.00. I had no problems getting on and I was quiet so I had no problems. At this point I had no hope that there is anyone good in this world. The guy sitting next to me jokingly asked "man, are we in New york or something?" we laughed. That opened us up to a good conversation on the bus ride home and it turns out he was a good, friendly guy that was very pleasant to get to know. He didnt give off any arrogant and vindicative vibes that other people do and I enjoyed talking to him. I wish I could have a friend like that, but we both had to leave so there wasnt any time for a 'catch you later' followup.

The lesson I learned is that there are still good people around so I didnt feel so hopeless. I decided that the bar night scene is not for me. 

When my dad picked me up from the bus stop he realized I was trying to find a girlfriend and talked to me about finding activities that good girls would be doing and he said he would help me find an activity or club for me to join because the girls at the bars werent my type. So I felt happy that here assured me with these things and would help me.


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

Good to hear you tried.

Your dad sounds like a decent cat.

You were confident enough to get out and try, which is way more than many people on here could hope to do (through no fault of their own).

I hope you can try a similar situation again in the future (maybe not at a bar though if you've decided it's not for you) and I hope you have luck with it.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Nihlanth said:


> The lesson I learned is that there are still good people around so I didnt feel so hopeless. I decided that the bar night scene is not for me.
> 
> When my dad picked me up from the bus stop he realized I was trying to find a girlfriend and talked to me about finding activities that good girls would be doing and he said he would help me find an activity or club for me to join because the girls at the bars werent my type. So I felt happy that here assured me with these things and would help me.


Nihlanth (I still can't pronounce your name!),

Your father was exactly right, and I agree with him. You did something I tried to do in June, 1999 - four Saturdays. I thought it was a good idea. Like you, I had trouble talking to people - the girls (well, I can't call them ladies - they certainly didn't act like ladies) were rowdy, cruel, and really just plain stupid-acting. The guys weren't much better.

To be flat honest, you deserve better people than who you saw and called. You are WAY too good of a person to subject yourself to the clubbing scene - I have since come to find out that it is quite sad from reading other people's reactions. The target is alcohol and sex; no relationships. Relationships are what SAers are starving for. We'd get used big time by people who are so out of it, they couldn't see what was going on.

There are good people out there - the ones in bars are shrouding it in their activities. I would look for interests that other people might have and see if they get together - even if it means a bookstore or library. You can always meet those people at the movie theater, the arcade (Dave & Buster's is cool, but expensive), or the museum, etc.

You are worth getting to know - it's all about putting yourself in the right place at the right time. Bars aren't it. On the flip side, I think you came out a winner for the experience! :boogie :boogie :boogie


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## danielk (Jun 4, 2008)

Nihlanth said:


> The lesson I learned is that there are still good people around so I didnt feel so hopeless.


 :clap

The nicest people are found in the darnedest of places.


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## doobashooba (Jul 11, 2008)

yeah,u did good goin to a bar,i cant do that wit SA.that does give me hope ,cuz im depressed right now,thanx


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

that was a nice story. enjoyed reading. i guess i understand


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## hopeway (Sep 29, 2005)

I totally understand where you are coming from. I personally have not been takeing much advantage of it, but have you looked at meetup.com? There are literally thousands of groups where you can meet and get to know people.


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## I_am_me (Dec 12, 2006)

Great read, and a suprise ending. 

My takeaway from this is that you actually went othe bar, and did it alone. You passed that test!!! And you talked to a stranger on the bus! You seem like you have the ability to be a go getter, that is great.

As far as bars and the clicks and postures, it is so annoying. Your dad is right and a wise man, it is no place to meet someone who is any good for you. As far as the girl you called, meh, if she was so rude and condescending than she wasnt worth it anyhow. You sound like a really good guy deserving of much more than her.

Keep up the good work, you are an inspiration!


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