# When you're nice to people, they treat you like crap



## JALW88 (May 3, 2010)

However, when you're an ******* and put them in their place, they respect you. Am I missing something? I'm not the type of person who is confrontational and likes to create drama, but when someone tries me, I have to set them straight. But the thing is, I never wanted to take it there in the first place. I'm an insanely nice person, and because of it, people like to push my buttons to see how far they can take it. Anyone have this problem?


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## polacerbic (Aug 12, 2010)

*Same here*

Your post sounds like my experience..especially since I lost my Father, I set out alone for the first time and..*******s took advantage of my niceness. Now I've turned into a loose canon and have a hard time not criticizing/putting down just about anyone I think is an idiot and that's about 75% of most people. Alot of people thank God think I'm funny and that's fine with me, my general social/political criticism on facebook and twitter always gets laughs, and that only encourages me. Your'e right, if you call people out, some people recognize your frusteration. Others don't and they seem to matter less and less. Its sad that being nice isn't always the best approach isn't it?:yes


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I think I'm overly nice/polite because I have a fear that by being assertive and a ***** I'll just repel people even worse, on top of my SA. Then people will think I'm psycho _and _rude_,_ on top of being a loner.


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## apartment7 (Aug 25, 2007)

I think my default setting is to be kind and considerate to people. Unfortunately some people do mistake kindness for weakness and try to push past boundaries and generally take the piss. 

I'm a lot better at standing up to those people now. If you don't they'll push you more and more. Being nice to people is fine but you have to expect at least basic respect back in return otherwise you get into doormat teritory and that's a humiliating place to be.


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

JALW88 said:


> I'm an insanely nice person, and because of it, people like to push my buttons to see how far they can take it. Anyone have this problem?


Same here. I start out with everyone as nice and as approachable as my good days with SA allow me to be/seem. But when people I've been around go over a certain line with me, I say what I need to say the way I need to say it and let them know to leave me alone. They look at me as if they didn't know it was in me. I don't like using energy to turn like that, but sometimes people leave you with no choice. Things are never the same afterward and as you said, it never needs to get that far.


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## timetopretend (Aug 6, 2010)

Well.. for me its not that people treat me like crap because I'm nice. Its that they take advantage of my niceness basically and drain me. I don't appreciate that.


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## defoe (Jan 31, 2010)

its weird these days...
people get respect from others by insulting people, and bulliying others.
And the people who work hard to be nice dont get any respect at all
normally it should be the other way round, but i guess people are just weird


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## Prakas (Aug 26, 2009)

I have that problem at my job. Being the quiet one and being afraid to stand up for myself because I don't want to get fired or written up. I do just about everything, some co-workers take advantage of it, but what am I going to do?


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

When you are nice you get taken advantage of and people will try to put you down but when you act mean they hold off. It's strange.


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

That's why I don't trust anyone except people close to me.


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## Cepp (Feb 8, 2010)

It's all about balance/self respect. Being kind and nice is a good trait but be too nice and people will take advantage of you while others will think they can walk all over you. That's when you have to put your foot down. 

Personally I can be quite blunt when I think someone's going too far but it makes me wonder if I'm being overly defensive given past experience.


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## Neznaika (Jul 5, 2010)

Olazet91 said:


> I think I'm overly nice/polite because I have a fear that by being assertive and a ***** I'll just repel people even worse, on top of my SA. Then people will think I'm psycho _and _rude_,_ on top of being a loner.


Not a day goes by when I am constantly thinking "Is it worth it being nice? Should I just tell people what I really think? If I just stay quiet will they think I'm a crazy loner?"


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## Chairman Dan (Jul 20, 2010)

Assertiveness is key. You can still be nice, kind, helpful, generous, etc. without getting stepped all over all the time by making it clear from day one that there are certain personal boundaries that aren't to be crossed.


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## StarFireBabe (Aug 4, 2012)

Not always true. Sometimes even if you act assertive they will blame it all on you and think you are the bad guy. It's like um...stop just stop. Quit acting like a 5 year old. Just because you act snarky and rude doesn't mean I'm going to bow before you and kiss the ground. :|


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## Tom90 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes this world is confusing.


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## 2niceformyowngood (Feb 25, 2013)

*being nice is my kryptonite*

I am so tired of being nice to people, people truly take me for granted. Family is you worst enemy, they only want you to give them something and they only want to give you absolutely nothing. Friends, huh??? I have no friends, and it wasn't because I was a mean person, it was because the only thing that a supposed friend wants is for you to do something for them, and please do not have a car and they don't because you will be their personal taxi service, at this point I'm like you better pick those feet up and put those feet down (walk) your behind..... it's always sorry girl I feel bad, but can you take me to get hair, groceries, or take me to work, well if your behind felt some type of way then why in the hell are you asking me to take you somewhere, your behind don't feel bad, you just met a stupid sucker that was willing to do something for your ungrateful behind. the craziness is that one of these chicks sister drives and has a car, why the hell isn't your sister driving you around, you both live in the same damn house.


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## scottmv1 (Sep 21, 2013)

I'm in the same position. I try my best to be nice to people because I like to think that I am a good person but because I suffer from quite bad anxiety and struggle a bit with my communication I get treated like I'm a weirdo. Then as I also look a bit rough because I have a few tattoo's and sound a bit uneducated I get treated like I'm a psycho or whatever. I've tried the approach of treating people really well but what I found is that generally I have the piss taken out of me as soon as I turned my back and then would avoid me. I then tried the more straight forward, don't try as hard approach and I find that most would act like I was about to bump them off and again avoid me like the plague. I'm in a position in my life now where I truly don't know what to do anymore. I know that I'm a good person but because I have a few things going against me I'm either made fun off, not to my face anyway, or I'm treated like I'm a nutjob. I now avoid people wherever I can but I know that's only making my communication skills even worst. 

The older I get and with having sat back and assessed the way people act towards me alot more then I had previously the more I come to the conclusion that a very large portion of people in society actually get a kick out of treating other people like garbage. And if you are someone who finds him or herself becoming the topic of discussion because you are a little different or whatever it's like a lamb to the wolves. I know there are some really good people out there who are genuinely nice and not two faced but I'm certainly not convinced that this is the majority.


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

Ever heard the saying 'Nice guys finish last'?

Girls like guys to be 'bad boys', nice guys they see as weak and nothing more than a friend, the best being a shoulder to cry on.

I would rather not give a **** and keep to myself than try and make an effort to get people to like me, what people perceive in me means nothing to me.

You have to be yourself, but do NOT be over nice. People get run down for that and become a pushover

Speak whats on your mind, and dont care what others think about you


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Well I firmly believe you can't change what you are. So if your a nice/non-confrontational person it would look fake if you started acting like a hard ***. But, there does come a point where you can't let yourself be taken advantage of. I stupidly let myself get to this position at my current job and that's part of the reason I'm looking for a new one.


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

Dan the man said:


> Well I firmly believe you can't change what you are. So if your a nice/non-confrontational person it would look fake if you started acting like a hard ***. But, there does come a point where you can't let yourself be taken advantage of. I stupidly let myself get to this position at my current job and that's part of the reason I'm looking for a new one.


What happened at your last job? :cig


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

chaos_preacher said:


> What happened at your last job? :cig


Well it's still a current one. I'd gone through several managers and just kind of went with the flow of everything always being nice and thinking I'm happy just to have a job. It eventually caught up with me though as this management team doesn't seem to like me and I had to re-learn everything. Now at this point I think even if I acted assertively I'm too far gone for it to work.


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## DarkmanX (Jun 27, 2013)

Dan the man said:


> Well it's still a current one. I'd gone through several managers and just kind of went with the flow of everything always being nice and thinking I'm happy just to have a job. It eventually caught up with me though as this management team doesn't seem to like me and I had to re-learn everything. Now at this point I think even if I acted assertively I'm too far gone for it to work.


What you're speaking on is EXACTLY why i'm fear getting a job. And it's not like you can just run away from it. Yeah you can quit but it's not that easy especially if you need the money.

But i understand what you're saying. I feel so confused about that. I'm a minority as well (black). So with SA and being black sometimes a few people might feel imtimidated by me if i act more assertive and aggressive. If i act nice with my "awkward smile" however, they feel more comfortable but like in your case they start to treat you like crap. It happened to me. Luckily for me i wasnt a permanent job. Just during the summer. But i got upset with this lady and i told her straight. I clearly was in the right in that situation and did my job, but she was just nagging cuz she wanted to go home. She definitely kept her mouth shut the next time and weirdly always greeted me.

Sometimes it's like you have to imidate people to get what you want. But i'm not even an aggressive person nor do i want to be. I dont even like to talk. But sometimes it gets annoying and like you said you have to do what you have to do for some people to respect you.


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## Anonymous001 (Jul 28, 2016)

The trouble with being nice is that a lot of people may see you as one of the so-called 'nice guys'. They are usually very manipulative people and over agreeable. However, it is a true virtue to be nice and kind to others and if you prove yourself to be authentic then most people will like you and treat you very well.

So you must always be kind and polite to everyone without ever asking anything in return.

You must also prove that you would never do anything to harm anyone else or yourself.

I had to find all this out the hard way. Because most people do not like the phoney 'nice guys'.


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## One Armed Scissor (Nov 4, 2015)

You're absolutely right. People tend to mistake kindness for weakness. If you give them an inch of tolerance, they want a mile of it so they can manipulate you and take advantage.


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## StellainMe (Jul 27, 2016)

Exactly... I always say yes to everything people did to me but never do good things for myself... being assertive is a key but I have super low self-esteem so this is the one thing I hardly do for myself...

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