# Am I really considering having an affair with a married man? Advice please.



## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

After 6 months of hunting for a job I've finally managed to get one and it has helped my SA and confidence to no end. Because of it I've also met a lot of new people and I'm slowly making some friends, (well, I'm trying to). I thought that things were FINALLY getting better!!!!

However, my boss has always been quite flirtatious with me but I didn't think anything of it at first. I just assumed that he simply had a flirty personality. That was until a week ago when we were driving back from somewhere... He pulled the car over and we chatted for ages. He said that his marriage was going through a rough patch and that he was really attracted to me and couldn't get me out of his mind. He said that he'd had an affair before and that no one would find out. He kissed me and then said that he wanted to start dating me in secret. I'm not going to lie, I am really attracted to him to, we have the same interests and passions and we just click! It's been such a long time since I felt so close with a guy. Because of the fact that I'm obviously hopeless with interaction you can see how this may be tempting but NOTHING is going to happen.

Due to the fact that he's 42, married and has 3 kids, I said that nothing can happen between us ever. Morally I can't and won't break up a family. The issue is that he can't seem to take no for an answer, regardless of how many times that I say it. He texts/calls/emails me constantly saying how beautiful I am and how much he wants me.

I adore my job so much and it took me such a long time to even find one.. I really don't want to have to quit because of this because of this. But me and my boss work together alone a lot and I'm scared of it being awkward or something happening.. The whole situation is also making me pretty anxious again.. 

Please help me... I'm so confused.


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## jjh87 (Oct 25, 2012)

He is harassing you by constantly texting. You cannot give in to him. He's married with 3 children. If you start seeing him you will break up a marriage which would be devastating for his children and you could end up losing your job as well. There are so many other guys in the world.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Don't be a homewrecker. Remember when you were a child and imagine how it would feel if your father went and did the same thing to your mother.


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## jjh87 (Oct 25, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Don't be a homewrecker. Remember when you were a child and imagine how it would feel if your father went and did the same thing to your mother.


Well said!


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Don't be a homewrecker. Remember when you were a child and imagine how it would feel if your father went and did the same thing to your mother.


I've already said no... I wont be the one to break up their family. It's just the fact that he's harassing me now.. That's the issue


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

jjh87 said:


> Well said!


 Also remember. We are not trying to make the threadstarter feel like a terrible person. For people like us who suck at social interaction this could be very tempting because it rarely comes our way. So please lets not demonize her for having these thoughts and considerations. As long as she doesn't actually go through with them she isn't a bad person in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with having thoughts.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Document it and report him for sexual harassment. Well since he's calling/texting that should be self-documenting already, just report.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Paul said:


> Document it and report him for sexual harassment. Well since he's calling/texting that should be self-documenting already, just report.


Who do I report him to? :/ It's his company and I can't lose this job..


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

This is why I don't envy young women trying to make it in the world, they have to deal with lonely horny older men who are in positions who can supposedly ruin one's life. If he ever threatens you in any way, threaten him back, is there anyway you can report him to HR or someone above him and get him in trouble for harassment? Just saying, he has a lot more to lose than you, don't ever feel obligated to do ANYTHING for this creep. He's trying to take advantage of you because he thinks you're young and naive, obviously you're not and are aware this is wrong because of your post. Thread carefully, I wish you the best of luck, it's sad to see that women still have to suffer like this in this day and age, quite disheartening. Work is work, you do your job, and you get paid, that's it. As long as you're a competent hard worker, your job should be secure, if you do lose your job over this, you could sue the company, just saying you have more leverage than him.

Edit: Oh, didn't see earlier post, well, there's ALWAYS someone higher up. I'm willing to bet this man actually cares about his reputation as well as his company's. Tell him it'll never happen, period. And don't ever apologize to him, that'll make him think you're sorry, which you shouldn't be, it's HE who should be sorry.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> I've already said no... I wont be the one to break up their family. It's just the fact that he's harassing me now.. That's the issue


Is there some kind of way you can let him know that you're not interested without getting fired or causing negative tension between you two?

Filing a sexual harassment complaint could possible make the situation worse for both parties involved so it's best to try to put a lid on the situation before it progresses to that level.

If all else fails....I personally never considered oral sex "actual sex" or "cheating", but that's just me though


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Show him this thread

But, I honestly have no idea what I'd do in this situation, I'm sorry. You could possibly threaten to tell his wife? That's all the advice a 16 year-old can conjure up on this.

At least you are kind and wise enough to know not to go down that road. Some people aren't.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Is there some kind of way you can let him know that you're not interested without getting fired or causing negative tension between you two?
> 
> Filing a sexual harassment complaint could possible make the situation worse for both parties involved so it's best to try to put a lid on the situation before it progresses to that level.
> 
> If all else fails....I personally never considered oral sex "actual sex" or "cheating", but that's just me though


He said that he won't give up because he knows that I want him too. I just don't know how I've gotten myself in this situation. I really thought that things were getting better.. :/

Oral sex totally still is cheating  I felt bad enough for kissing him!


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Glass Child said:


> Show him this thread
> 
> But, I honestly have no idea what I'd do in this situation, I'm sorry. You could possibly threaten to tell his wife? That's all the advice a 16 year-old can conjure up on this.
> 
> At least you are kind and wise enough to know not to go down that road. Some people aren't.


she'll lose her job, not a good idea. And he did say that he was going through a rough time in his marriage. For all we know the wife was already cheating on him and that's what initially caused the rift between them. And the thread starter is probably his escape from all that misery.


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

Just say no. Firmly.

Getting involved with a married man will only lead to trouble for you and his poor family. There are lots of (single) men out there. Let him know that you're dating other people and aren't interested in starting any kind of relationship with him.




Richard Pawgins said:


> she'll lose her job, not a good idea. And he did say that he was going through a rough time in his marriage. For all we know the wife was already cheating on him and that's what initially caused the rift between them. And the thread starter is probably his escape from all that misery.


If he was so miserable in his marriage then he always has the option of counseling and/or divorce. Cheating isn't an appropriate solution for marital troubles and the thread starter shouldn't get herself involved in his mess. If she did and they were found out, not only would she be the person blamed for the dissolution of his family, but think about her reputation at work as well. No one likes a homewrecker.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

Well Im sure you can get another job if he fires you when or if you press charges for harassment. Is the job rly so important that you will subdue yourself to constant pestering? If you think about he sounds like a real scumbag. If you do cave in to his petty games then it shows you really have no morals. Not because you are breaking up a home but because you put the fear of losing a job over your own well being; mentally that is. Here is the thing, Many a men have tried to use their power of jobs etc to use over women for sexual favors. The real women tend to report it and manage to keep their jobs.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

Well of course he came on to you.

You're a beautiful 21 year old girl, he is in a position of authority and is obviously a scumbag for repeatedly having affairs when he is married with 3 kids. (I actually think cheating is a million times worse when kids are involved) 

He is obviously using his position as your boss to try and take advantage of you. You on the other hand clearly know right from wrong and aren't as naive as he thinks....so well done for saying no.

My advice....tell him to back off as he is making your life really uncomfortable/difficult. If he carries on you'd be well within your rights to quit your job and claim constructive dismissal, but that's up to you.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> He said that he won't give up because he knows that I want him too. I just don't know how I've gotten myself in this situation. I really thought that things were getting better.. :/
> 
> Oral sex totally still is cheating  I felt bad enough for kissing him!


It's not, believe me.

I've had oral sex perform on me before and I still consider myself to be a virgin. I don't feel unvirgin at all because of it.

You could just do that with him and you most likely won't feel bad about it. And I'm 100% sure he won't feel like he's cheating neither


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> she'll lose her job, not a good idea. And he did say that he was going through a rough time in his marriage. For all we know the wife was already cheating on him and that's what initially caused the rift between them. And the thread starter is probably his escape from all that misery.


You make a valid point sir.

But if he keeps pursuing her like this, and decides to fire her on this subject, it isn't as if she can't file something against him. It can't go on forever- she is obviously distressed about it.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

this would be the stupidest thing you could ever do. 

don't worry, when you turn him down, he'll find some other young chick to soothe his hurt feelings about his marriage. if he hasn't already. Oh, and by the way, he found other chicks before you to do the same. 

there is NO connection with this guy. people like this live for creating "connections" with prospective conquests. 

get on with your life and make something real of it.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> It's not, believe me.
> 
> I've had oral sex perform on me before and I still consider myself to be a virgin. I don't feel unvirgin at all because of it.
> 
> You could just do that with him and you most likely won't feel bad about it. And I'm 100% sure he won't feel like he's cheating neither


:idea


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Glass Child said:


> You make a valid point sir.
> 
> But if he keeps pursuing her like this, and decides to fire her on this subject, it isn't as if she can't file something against him. It can't go on forever- she is obviously distressed about it.


she likes it and doesn't want to file anything though.

She only feels guilty because he's married......if that wasn't the case she'd probably be his g/f right now.

I say blow him just to keep things cool and it will allow you to keep your job. Don't have sex with him though, it will make you feel like trash.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

leonardess said:


> don't worry, when you turn him down, he'll find some other young chick to soothe his hurt feelings about his marriage. if he hasn't already. Oh, and by the way, he found other chicks before you to do the same.


This.

What i am about to say might sound horrible but you are not special to him....he has already told you he has cheated before. If he can't get you he will move onto the next one and hope they are naive enough to fall for it.

How much respect he has for people full stop is reflected in how he is treating his wife, and particularly his kids


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## arao6 (Jul 12, 2013)

Do you really want a job where an older horny married man wants to **** you? Mind my rhetoric, but don't let your situation escalate too far. If you act passive and confused, he'll only want you more, and his marriage will be in shambles. Just be straightforward; tell him that you cannot and _will not_ be with him. If it results in you getting fired, you can file a lawsuit because the guy is sexually harassing you (and you have proof too-- the constant calls/text messages). First of all, a boss (especially a married one with children) trying to take advantage of younger employees is just sick. Don't let him boss you around-- he does not deserve you.

If he's getting awfully close-- to the point that being alone with him seems dangerous-- then that's a red flag. You need to act as soon as you can and make things clear. Whatever happens then (be it him getting a divorce etc.) is none of your concern or fault.

In this world, the ignorant and weak get slaughtered. Don't be one of them.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Some really mixed advice in this thread, and (isn't for the good). You shouldn't do anything you don't morally feel comfortable with. Dating + the work place (esp the boss) normally = a no, no. It makes bad work arrangements, and mixing pleasure work work blurs the mindsets. *If anything make sure you SAVE all the harassment the ones you tell him no, and the one's of him saying he isn't going to give up.* The worst thing you can do is give in (he'll aspect more) Your going to need the above proof in case he tries to fire you for saying no. (You can sue). Hold your ground and stay strong. What he's doing isn't right. 

Edit ! ahh, the poster above and I clashed the same sort of post.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

The responses of the men in this thread are because they're jealous of another guy possibly scoring with you. Just ignore them. Don't fire harassment charges when the guy didn't harass you.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> The responses of the men in this thread are because they're jealous of another guy possibly scoring with you. Just ignore them. Don't fire harassment charges when the guy didn't harass you.


This and you're telling her she can have oral sex and be perfectly clean on the slate.

...Are you serious?


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Glass Child said:


> This and you're telling her she can have oral sex and be perfectly clean on the slate.
> 
> ...Are you serious?


It's possible, it was the case for me. Everyone is different though.

Again, she likes the guy but doesn't want to feel like a homewrecker for sleeping with him. Oral sex is a reasonable option that will keep everyone happy. If she considered having an affair with him then oral really isn't that serious. It's the lesser evil.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Again, she likes the guy but doesn't want to feel like a homewrecker for sleeping with him. Oral sex is a reasonable option that will keep everyone happy. If she considered having an affair with him then oral really isn't that serious. It's the lesser evil.


How about there be no /evil/ at all and keep herself away from her horny boss?


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

I think the mix of responses on this thread have confused me even more :O


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

How much money can you get out of him?


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Glass Child said:


> How about there be no /evil/ at all and keep herself away from her horny boss?


Why is the man always viewed as the bad guy?

we know nothing about the situation or his marriage, only what the thread starter reveals to her.

Men seem to always be viewed at as evil aggressors in these situations. Its sad really.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

He is sexually harrassing you if you want unwanted calls/messages. You could potentially sue him for this.

Clearly your conscience knows the answer since you made this thread. Do what you think is right instead going with your feelings this time.

If it's his company you should still be able to report him.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Why is the man always viewed as the bad guy?
> 
> we know nothing about the situation or his marriage, only what the thread starter reveals to her.
> 
> Men seem to always be viewed at as evil aggressors in these situations. Its sad really.


They aren't. If it was the woman harassing the man I'd be just as upset. He is saying that he will not give up on her, even though she clearly is uncomfortable- I can't believe you're trying to justify what he is doing to her. He needs to be responsible and LET IT GO.

He should handle his own relationship and family through divorce if needed. You can't drag an individual into a situation like that and ruin them.

Of course his wife has her own problems too, but we don't know that she is cheating and we have to assume innocent before guilty.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> I think the mix of responses on this thread have confused me even more :O


There is no mix of responses. One guy is telling you (repeatedly) to go ahead and do something.

The rest of us are telling you not to


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Neddy123 said:


> There is no mix of responses. One guy is telling you (repeatedly) to go ahead and do something.
> 
> The rest of us are telling you not to


I mean on how to handle it.. There's no way in hell that I'm going to do anything physical with him.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Neddy123 said:


> There is no mix of responses. One guy is telling you (repeatedly) to go ahead and do something.
> 
> The rest of us are telling you not to


lmao

I never said have sex with him, that would be wrong


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> she likes it and doesn't want to file anything though.
> 
> She only feels guilty because he's married......if that wasn't the case she'd probably be his g/f right now.
> 
> I say blow him just to keep things cool and it will allow you to keep your job. Don't have sex with him though, it will make you feel like trash.


Hahaha this reminds me of the argument Dante had with his girlfriend in Clerks.

37...

Whatever man.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> lmao
> 
> I never said have sex with him, that would be wrong


You told her to have oral sex, as oral sex is called oral sex i'm pretty sure it counts as sex...


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Neddy123 said:


> You told her to have oral sex, as oral sex is called oral sex i'm pretty sure it counts as sex...


Oral sex is not really sex.


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> The responses of the men in this thread are because they're jealous of another guy possibly scoring with you. Just ignore them. Don't fire harassment charges when the guy didn't harass you.


Please read:



KeiraA said:


> he can't seem to take no for an answer, regardless of how many times that I say it. *He texts/calls/emails me constantly saying how beautiful I am and how much he wants me.*


According to you oral sex isn't cheating and that isn't harassment. WTF is then? Would he actually need to whip it out and say "go on love, give it a go" before it'd be harassment in your eyes?


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> The responses of the men in this thread are because they're jealous of another guy possibly scoring with you. Just ignore them. Don't fire harassment charges when the guy didn't harass you.


I'm not jealous, no offense but I wouldn't want to be with a girl who could be easily manipulated like that and not make decisions that seem obvious to me yet are confusing to her. Some people claim there is no black and white, that you should hear both sides of the story before any judgment is thrown, yet that is not how it works in the real world, and in this case there are LINES, and if this boss has a WIFE and THREE kids, why is he even giving women half his age even the time of day? If he's unsatisfied with his marriage, then he would get a divorce, he owns his own company and can obviously afford child support.

OP has 2 choices to make, and only she can decide which path to choose, she posted on here for second opinions and nothing more. She's trying to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, if you look at it rationally there are more cons, so the choice should be simple, no? But whatever...


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Malek said:


> I'm not jealous, no offense but I wouldn't want to be with a girl who could be easily manipulated like that and not make decisions that seem obvious to me yet are confusing to her. Some people claim there is no black and white, that you should hear both sides of the story before any judgment is thrown, yet that is not how it works in the real world, and in this case there are LINES, and if this boss has a WIFE and THREE kids, why is he even giving women half his age even the time of day? If he's unsatisfied with his marriage, then would get a divorce, he owns his own company and can obviously afford child support.
> 
> OP has 2 choices to make, and only she can decide which path to choose, she posted on here for second opinions and nothing more. She's trying to weigh the pros and cons of the situational, if you look at it rationally there are more cons, so the choice should be simple, no? But whatever...


I think she's going to end up losing her job


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## Melodies0fLife (Sep 17, 2012)

If you really want to follow your morals and don't want to be a home wrecker, stop your feelings now. Kill them now before it's too late and you do something you might regret later; tell him no, that it's making you uncomfortable to be having an affair with a married man and to stop talking to you in that manner. Ask him more about why his marriage is failing and whether or not he is even thinking about his kids and offer a sympathetic ear but tell him nothing more should come out of it. As for your job, I understand it took you a lot to get this far, but if you have to stay attached to your boss like this in order to keep your job, is it really worth it? Note that if you really want to stop this from happening, be prepared to lose your job. If your boss respected and cared about you as a co worker at all, he'll keep you even after the affair stops. If he doesn't, know that he was only using you.

To be honest, I've had a married man with a wife and young child come after me before. He was a friend of the family that stayed with my family for a bit and during that time, we talked a lot and we clicked. Eventually he told me he fell for me and really likes me even though he was already married. The thought of that sickened me a lot; he tried to call me afterwards but I avoided his calls and never returned them. I stopped all contact so that his feelings would stop too and force him to think about his wife and child. I don't want to be that type of woman either.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Luna Sea said:


> Please read:
> 
> According to you oral sex isn't cheating and that isn't harassment. WTF is then? Would he actually need to whip it out and say "go on love, give it a go" before it'd be harassment in your eyes?


doesn't everyone who is in love do the same thing?

I guess when it's unrequited then it's labeled as harassment though.

in this case it just doesn't seem like it's totally unrequited, I could be wrong though.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Malek said:


> Hahaha this reminds me of the argument Dante had with his girlfriend in Clerks.
> 
> 37...
> 
> Whatever man.


I'm sorry for even more derailing this thread. I love that movie. Lol

OP, Never do anything you aren't comfortable with. Do what feels right. You aren't comfortable doing anything in any sexual way with him, then don't. Hold your ground.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> I think she's going to end up losing her job


There are other jobs...

If she sells her body to keep her job, how does that make her any different than an escort or stripper? Didn't she initially want a real job in the first place so she could be taken seriously and have respect and love for herself?

How would being used as an object aid her self-esteem?

Somehow I get the feeling you're just stating comments like that to coax a rise out of posters, y'know as an experiment, if so, good on you.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Malek said:


> I'm not jealous, no offense but I wouldn't want to be with a girl who could be easily manipulated like that and not make decisions that seem obvious to me yet are confusing to her. Some people claim there is no black and white, that you should hear both sides of the story before any judgment is thrown, yet that is not how it works in the real world, and in this case there are LINES, and if this boss has a WIFE and THREE kids, why is he even giving women half his age even the time of day? If he's unsatisfied with his marriage, then he would get a divorce, he owns his own company and can obviously afford child support.
> 
> OP has 2 choices to make, and only she can decide which path to choose, she posted on here for second opinions and nothing more. She's trying to weigh the pros and cons of the situational, if you look at it rationally there are more cons, so the choice should be simple, no? But whatever...


Ouch. Offence taken a little bit. If you read my post properly you would CLEARLY see that my decision has been made from the start. There is no confusion with that part. The confusion is about what to do regarding my job.... I am NOT easily manipulated I just can't afford to lose my job in a world where it is so DAMN DIFFICULT to get another one..... Geez.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Malek said:


> There are other jobs...
> 
> If she sells her body to keep her job, how does that make her any different than an escort or stripper? Didn't she initially want a real job in the first place so she could be taken seriously and have respect and love for herself?
> 
> ...


are u implying that escorts or strippers are immoral and bad people?


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Melodies0fLife said:


> If you really want to follow your morals and don't want to be a home wrecker, stop your feelings now. Kill them now before it's too late and you do something you might regret later; tell him no, that it's making you uncomfortable to be having an affair with a married man and to stop talking to you in that manner. Ask him more about why his marriage is failing and whether or not he is even thinking about his kids and offer a sympathetic ear but tell him nothing more should come out of it. As for your job, I understand it took you a lot to get this far, but if you have to stay attached to your boss like this in order to keep your job, is it really worth it? Note that if you really want to stop this from happening, be prepared to lose your job. If your boss cared about you as a co worker at all, he'll keep you even after the affair stops. If he doesn't, know that he was only using you.
> 
> To be honest, I've had a married man with a wife and young child come after me before. He was a friend of the family that stayed with my family for a bit and during that time, we talked a lot and we clicked. Eventually he told me he fell for me and really likes me even though he was already married. The thought of that sickened me a lot; he tried to call me afterwards but I avoided his calls and never returned them. I stopped all contact so that his feelings would stop too and force him to think about his wife and child. I don't want to be that type of woman either.


This is really good advice. Thank you so much.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Richard Pawgins said:


> are u implying that escorts or strippers are immoral and bad people?


No, but society feels sorry for them in general because they had to resort to selling their body for money, if OP wanted to do what you said in order to keep her job, she would of looked at other "career" options in the first place.

Your occupation does define who you are, you are judged based on your actions. Are whalers and fishermen who hunt and kill endangered animals like whales and dophins bad people? It's quite easy for others to judge others poorly, even if only to them they view it as just making a buck.


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> Ouch. Offence taken a little bit. If you read my post properly you would CLEARLY see that my decision has been made from the start. There is no confusion with that part. The confusion is about what to do regarding my job.... I am NOT easily manipulated I just can't afford to lose my job in a world where it is so DAMN DIFFICULT to get another one..... Geez.


I have an idea.

If he claims to have genuine feelings for you....tell him something like "if you really do love me you'll respect my wishes and leave it be. I want to continue working here but will find it really difficult to do so if you carry on pestering me"

Then when he inevitably doesn't give up......report him for sexual harrassment


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

KeiraA said:


> Ouch. Offence taken a little bit. If you read my post properly you would CLEARLY see that my decision has been made from the start. There is no confusion with that part. The confusion is about what to do regarding my job.... I am NOT easily manipulated I just can't afford to lose my job in a world where it is so DAMN DIFFICULT to get another one..... Geez.


I did read your post, you've already made your decision. My comment wasn't mainly referred to you, it was to women who give in and let themselves be manipulated... Perhaps I should've been more specific, Geez.

Sorry you took offense to something that wasn't even directed at you, but rather women who have done the opposite of what you've done, wow.

In any case, good luck, you have my sympathy, the sympathy of a jerk, which is worth nothing. If you do lose your job, try to tell others about it, the whole situation, and get a lawyer and get some recompense.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

KeiraA said:


> I mean on how to handle it.. There's no way in hell that I'm going to do anything physical with him.


It doesn't sound like you have much in the way of options. I'd say to just walk away from the job...

It's not right that he's being this persistent after being rejected (especially considering his position of authority), and it's not right that "leave the job" is the solution, but... If he owns the company and doesn't report to anyone, what else is there?



KeiraA said:


> Ouch. Offence taken a little bit. If you read my post properly you would CLEARLY see that my decision has been made from the start. There is no confusion with that part. The confusion is about what to do regarding my job.... I am NOT easily manipulated I just can't afford to lose my job in a world where it is so DAMN DIFFICULT to get another one..... Geez.


It is the thread title that is misleading people.



Richard Pawgins said:


> It's not, believe me.
> 
> I've had oral sex perform on me before and I still consider myself to be a virgin. I don't feel unvirgin at all because of it.
> 
> You could just do that with him and you most likely won't feel bad about it. And I'm 100% sure he won't feel like he's cheating neither


How is all this crap about oral sex going to solve the problem here?

Stop it.


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## dw2465 (Oct 5, 2006)

If he is constantly after you, you either really need to set some boundaries between you two or quit your job. Quite honestly, the thought of a married man with children chatting up a beautiful younger girl is disturbing, regardless of how his marriage is. Try to think of the children in this circumstance and impact this could have on them. It's very unfortunate that you are in such a position, but clearly it seems that your boss has little self-control and no morals. This should be a warning sign to leave or set some clear boundaries right now.


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## Melodies0fLife (Sep 17, 2012)

KeiraA said:


> This is really good advice. Thank you so much.


You're welcome. =) I know what it is like to be bewildered, wondering how things could have gotten this far. "Love" really is blind; I myself would have never thought these types of situation could happen especially to someone with SA, but it does. Take care of yourself.


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## eltom (Jul 13, 2013)

*He's only humna*

It's really easy to call this guy a scum bag when you aren't in his shoes. 
Why would she report him, and how can she report him besides to his wife? 
They click, and had a romantic encounter, and she had reservations about her behavior both before and after. This can end perfectly well without losing your job. Here is my advice:

Tell him that you don't want to be homewrecker, because you said you don't. If you decided you wanted him and he didn't want his wife anylonger, than I would tell him you won't be his secret lover, and that you refuse to take a back seat...it doesn't sound like that is an option.

If he continues you'll have to let him know that you will tell his wife. You don't seem like the kind of girl that would continue riding in the car with him and kissing on him, then turn around and act like her sexually assaulted you out of the blue, based on your original post.

Now if he does threaten to fire you, then tell his wife. Otherwise, recommend he get counseling. Honestly, he sounds a lot like me...except the married with three kids part. It seems like he has unbridled confidence around you and you make him feel alive. Maybe talk to him about SAS?

At any rate, stick to your own moral values. If you mess up on your own values don't beat yourself up. If it becomes a pattern, then maybe reevaluate your values?


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## Mussolini (Jun 5, 2013)

As much as you probably don't want to hear this, if you guys work alone a lot and you're attracted to him a bit, you know something has a more than 50% chance of happening. Plus if this screwing with your SA and setting you back, you might have to just cut your losses and find another job anyway. No job is worth that and not to mention your dignity. If it were me, I'd tell his wife what he's doing, that would teach him, but I'm a bit vengeful that way.


eltom said:


> Honestly, he sounds a lot like me...except the married with three kids part. It seems like he has unbridled confidence around you and you make him feel alive. Maybe talk to him about SAS?


lol wut? He's a boss at a small company and has tricked women into sleeping with him before(as he even revealed to her). I strongly doubt he has SA.


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## eltom (Jul 13, 2013)

Mussolini said:


> As much as you probably don't want to hear this, if you guys work alone a lot and you're attracted to him a bit, you know something has a more than 50% chance of happening. Plus if this screwing with your SA and setting you back, you might have to just cut your losses and find another job anyway. No job is worth that and not to mention your dignity. If it were me, I'd tell his wife what he's doing, that would teach him, but I'm a bit vengeful that way.lol wut? He's a boss at a small company and has tricked women into sleeping with him before(as he even revealed to her). I strongly doubt he has SA.


I like how you say, "tricked women into sleeping with him", not really. 
Being a boss of a company doesn't mean that you can't have SA. He could be feeling emasculated at home. He might not be able to relate to people outside of professional settings. He's cheat on his wife before, and yes that is a moral fault, but women are capable of making their own choices.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)




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## lost91 (Oct 18, 2011)

Hes just trying to get in ur pants cus youre pretty. Hes trying to make you think he really cares for you and has fallen for you when all he'll do is use you(have sex with you) and dump you. Don't give your goods to him


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## Mussolini (Jun 5, 2013)

eltom said:


> I like how you say, "tricked women into sleeping with him", not really.
> Being a boss of a company doesn't mean that you can't have SA. He could be feeling emasculated at home. He might not be able to relate to people outside of professional settings. He's cheat on his wife before, and yes that is a moral fault, but women are capable of making their own choices.


It's hard to make it to the top with a disorder like SA. You have to be assertive, demanding, and you have to step on other people to get what you want which he's sort of what he's doing to the OP, and most importantly, you can't be self conscious with all the meetings and presentations you have to give on the weekly basis.

And besides all that, the main reason I say there's a 99% chance he doesn't have SA is because SA guys have enough trouble getting one relationship as it is, not to mention to be going for employees and stuff too. I say her boss in this case is just another sex crazed, alpha male douche. I'd feel no sympathy for him if he lost it all because the OP reported him because he'd probably fire her in a heart beat if it helped clear his name afterwards even if she gives in eventually, so nor should you really. He's perfectly aware of the power he welds and the pressure he's putting on her as he makes these demands and he's using it to his advantage.

_Hardly_ is he someone to feel sorry for in this case. Not by a mile.


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## arao6 (Jul 12, 2013)

Melodies0fLife said:


> If you really want to follow your morals and don't want to be a home wrecker, stop your feelings now. Kill them now before it's too late and you do something you might regret later; tell him no, that it's making you uncomfortable to be having an affair with a married man and to stop talking to you in that manner. Ask him more about why his marriage is failing and whether or not he is even thinking about his kids and offer a sympathetic ear but tell him nothing more should come out of it. As for your job, I understand it took you a lot to get this far, but if you have to stay attached to your boss like this in order to keep your job, is it really worth it? Note that if you really want to stop this from happening, be prepared to lose your job. If your boss respected and cared about you as a co worker at all, he'll keep you even after the affair stops. If he doesn't, know that he was only using you.
> 
> To be honest, I've had a married man with a wife and young child come after me before. He was a friend of the family that stayed with my family for a bit and during that time, we talked a lot and we clicked. Eventually he told me he fell for me and really likes me even though he was already married. The thought of that sickened me a lot; he tried to call me afterwards but I avoided his calls and never returned them. I stopped all contact so that his feelings would stop too and force him to think about his wife and child. I don't want to be that type of woman either.


Very well said :yes


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## The Enclave (May 10, 2013)

Here's what I say: 1) Ignore all the "advice" from that Richard Pawgins guy. 2) just like someone else suggested, he could easily fire you if you succumb to his sexual advances to ensure you won't tell his wife/family, so that's no guarantee you'll keep your job either. 

If you got this job, you can surely get another one. It's hard to get another one, but it's not impossible. To me, it just doesn't seem worth it all the baggage it's bringing. Especially if it's re-triggering your SA like you say it is.


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## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Richard Pawgins said:


> It's not, believe me.
> 
> I've had oral sex perform on me before and I still consider myself to be a virgin. I don't feel unvirgin at all because of it.
> 
> You could just do that with him and you most likely won't feel bad about it. And I'm 100% sure he won't feel like he's cheating neither


She doesn't want to do anything with this guy, she's just trying to figure out how to get his harassment to stop. I know you're probably trolling but that's pretty low man.

And no, having oral sex does not make you lose your virginity. But this has nothing to do with virginity. It's about cheating, and any sexual act with someone you're not in a relationship with (while they _are_ in a relationship) is cheating. And guess what? Oral _sex_ is a sexual act.

OP, this guy sounds very manipulative and is playing on your feelings, probably thinking you're young and naive (which it doesn't sound like you are). He's probably done it with many other woman. Unfortunately I've never been through this situation and can't give any worthwhile advice, but at least you're smart enough to realize what is happening. Don't give in to him.


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

Threaten to tell his wife, he has more to lose than you.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

Richard Pawgins said:


> Is there some kind of way you can let him know that you're not interested without getting fired or causing negative tension between you two?
> 
> Filing a sexual harassment complaint could possible make the situation worse for both parties involved so it's best to try to put a lid on the situation before it progresses to that level.
> 
> If all else fails....I personally never considered oral sex "actual sex" or "cheating", but that's just me though





Richard Pawgins said:


> she'll lose her job, not a good idea. And he did say that he was going through a rough time in his marriage. For all we know the wife was already cheating on him and that's what initially caused the rift between them. And the thread starter is probably his escape from all that misery.





Richard Pawgins said:


> It's not, believe me.
> 
> I've had oral sex perform on me before and I still consider myself to be a virgin. I don't feel unvirgin at all because of it.
> 
> You could just do that with him and you most likely won't feel bad about it. And I'm 100% sure he won't feel like he's cheating neither





Richard Pawgins said:


> she likes it and doesn't want to file anything though.
> 
> She only feels guilty because he's married......if that wasn't the case she'd probably be his g/f right now.
> 
> I say blow him just to keep things cool and it will allow you to keep your job. Don't have sex with him though, it will make you feel like trash.





Richard Pawgins said:


> The responses of the men in this thread are because they're jealous of another guy possibly scoring with you. Just ignore them. Don't fire harassment charges when the guy didn't harass you.





Richard Pawgins said:


> Oral sex is not really sex.












You know, you were going good until you made those post. I hope like hell the OP didn't take any of that seriously because _of course_ oral sex is cheating. That and virginity isn't about the actual sexual act, it's about the intimacy with the other person, and some would argue that the act or oral sex is just as or even MORE intimate than regular sex because hey, I don't know, you're only putting your mouth on the other person's privates.

Welcome to my ignore list.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

FoundAndLost said:


> [Edit]-shyvr6


Huh? Did you even read the first post?


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

This is the kind of story where someone has to end up sad.


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## HitGirl (Mar 12, 2013)

The Phantom Pain said:


> You know, you were going good until you made those post. I hope like hell the OP didn't take any of that seriously because _of course_ oral sex is cheating. That and virginity isn't about the actual sexual act, it's about the intimacy with the other person, and some would argue that the act or oral sex is just as or even MORE intimate than regular sex because hey, I don't know, you're only putting your mouth on the other person's privates.
> 
> Welcome to my ignore list.












Thank you. I'm shocked no one else took him to task. What horrible, destructive advice. Telling her that oral isn't cheating? The stuff posted on this site kills me sometimes. And then he had the nerve to compare the OP to an escort in a later post. I'm starting to agree that new users should *not* be allowed to post for a month.

And I don't even know what to say OP. You're putting your self in a real bad situation by staying there. I agree with the poster that said to threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't stop. He does have more to lose than you do. Plus I wouldn't be shocked if he's doing this with many girls from the same work place as we speak. What a pig! The fact that you two work alone often is also the main problem the way I see it and the main reason I'd leave. There are other places you can go and not face things like what he's trying to set up here.

An article like this should help.

http://smallbusiness.foxbusiness.com/biz-on-main/2011/03/04/handle-sexual-harassment-workplace/

You should sue the **** out of him. That's what I'd do.


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## Mugen Souls (Jun 3, 2013)

TheTraveler said:


> Well Im sure you can get another job if he fires you when or if you press charges for harassment. Is the job rly so important that you will subdue yourself to constant pestering? If you think about he sounds like a real scumbag. If you do cave in to his petty games then it shows you really have no morals. Not because you are breaking up a home but because you put the fear of losing a job over your own well being; mentally that is. Here is the thing, Many a men have tried to use their power of jobs etc to use over women for sexual favors. The real women tend to report it and manage to keep their jobs.


This. But it's obvious that something in her mind wants to do it because she intends to stay there despite the constant sexual advances and she said she was attracted to him. There's no question in my mind what's more than likely going to happen here eventually. I'm sure most can put two and two together.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

FoundAndLost said:


> [Edit]-shyvr6


Evidently you did NOT read my original post. Ignorance is such a joyful thing.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

HitGirl said:


> Thank you. I'm shocked no one else took him to task. What horrible, destructive advice. Telling her that oral isn't cheating? The stuff posted on this site kills me sometimes. And then he had the nerve to compare the OP to an escort in a later post. I'm starting to agree that new users should *not* be allowed to post for a month. This site is attracting way too many trolls these days. It's becoming a joke.
> 
> And I don't even know what to say OP. You're putting your self in a real bad situation by staying there. I agree with the poster that said to threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't stop. He does have more to lose than you do. Plus I wouldn't be shocked if he's doing this with many girls from the same work place as we speak. What a pig! The fact that you two work alone often is also the main problem the way I see it and the main reason I'd leave. There are other places you can go and not face things like what he's trying to set up here.
> 
> ...


Oh gosh no, oral sex is still cheating and I wouldn't even consider it. End of.
The fact of the matter is that if he was single, I wouldn't hesitate to make a move. But the fact of the fact is that he has kids AND a wife and it's a really crappy thing to do, especially when children are involved, so morally I won't do anything.
I think the only real option I have is to start looking for other jobs ASAP and quit as soon as I get one. I can't afford to be jobless at the moment. :/ So fingers crossed I'll get something soon.
Thank you so much for your advice.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Sorry to hear this guy is harassing you Keira , it sounded like you were really enjoying that job too .

I can imagine this would stir up some pretty mixed feelings for you. That seems perfectly natural. I'm glad you're conscience is in the right place.

If I were you I'd definitely be keeping record of all his texts/calls/emails, as well as a diary of all times and dates etc...

The first thing to do is to email him (important that there is a record) telling him that in no uncertain terms that this has to stop. Keep it brief, bear in mind it might be read by others at some point in the future.

It's very important from a legal point of view that it be made *clear that his behaviour is unwelcome. *This is really crucial for your protection.

Once that is done, any action he takes could open himself up to legal trouble.

You may not need to take things any further after that email, but if his behaviour continues, or you face *any* kind of penalty for rejecting his advances, then you are entitled to take action.

From what I've read, even if the harasser owns the company and there is no one else to complain to, you still can take action. The thing to do is to contact the Citizens Advice Bureau for free and discreet advice.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

(I'd encourage you to do that, regardless of what, if any, course of action you decide to take - it would be worth discovering what your rights and options are)

This link is worth reading: http://www.safeworkers.co.uk/SexualHarassmentWork.html
As are these:
http://www.worksmart.org.uk/rights/im_getting_unwanted_advances_from_a_colleague_what

http://www.worksmart.org.uk/rights/my_boss_has_made_several_passes_at

^Both from this site: http://www.worksmart.org.uk/rights/sexual_harassment

It's also worth mentioning that regardless of whether this is a paid position, or a vocational or volunteer, you are still protected under the Equality Act: http://www.employment101.co.uk/employment-law/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace/

Again, the Citizens Advice Bureau would have more information. I'd really encourage you to contact them.

Good luck  I'm really sorry you have to go through this after working so hard to overcome anxiety and meet people! Remember it's not your fault. Don't let him use your current anxiety issues to manipulate you into anything.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> I think the only real option I have is to start looking for other jobs ASAP and quit as soon as I get one. I can't afford to be jobless at the moment. :/ So fingers crossed I'll get something soon.
> Thank you so much for your advice.


Oh just read this. You shouldn't have to be forced out of a job because of this, but if you are you should be entitled to compensation. It's not fair that you should be out of pocket because of this.

Whatever you do, I'd really encourage you to contact the CAB for advice.

I have to rush out to work now. catchya


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

If he cheats on his wife he'd obviously cheat on you so it doesn't seem like a great thing to do.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Start looking for another job.


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## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

It's a difficult situation.  Personally I'd threaten to quit (though in a nice way) if he doesn't back off and if he persists find a different job. If he values you as an employee (and his business for that matter) then maybe he'll see sense. I don't think there's much point trying to aggravate the situation by arguing with or threatening him, especially not whilst you work there. Ultimately though I think the only long-term solution is to find alternative employment.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Richard Pawgins said:


> It's possible, it was the case for me. Everyone is different though.
> 
> Again, she likes the guy but doesn't want to feel like a homewrecker for sleeping with him. Oral sex is a reasonable option that will keep everyone happy. If she considered having an affair with him then oral really isn't that serious. It's the lesser evil.


this is ridiculous and you're fooling yourself as well. keep everyone happy?? keep who happy exactly?


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

SilentWitness said:


> Threaten to tell his wife, he has more to lose than you.


I'd do this. In fact, I would tell his wife. yep, I'd tell him, you better tell your wife what you've done, or I will. If I were married to this scumbag, I'd want to know about it.

tell him to back off, IF you want to keep the job, and IF you think you can deal with the tension that is sure to result. But, I guarantee you, it will work. AND, tell him at the same time that IF he makes things difficult for you in any other way at work, you will tell on him.

Watch him run like the scared bully that he really is.

then, look closely at your motives for liking him in the first place, and examine in your own mind why you found him attractive. Decide what kind of person you want to be, and what kind of people you want to have around you. people with SA usually have a WHOLE bunch of other motives underneath the obvious few.


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

I think ticklemeringo has the best advice.


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## HitGirl (Mar 12, 2013)

KeiraA said:


> Oh gosh no, oral sex is still cheating and I wouldn't even consider it. End of.
> The fact of the matter is that if he was single, I wouldn't hesitate to make a move. But the fact of the fact is that he has kids AND a wife and it's a really crappy thing to do, especially when children are involved, so morally I won't do anything.
> I think the only real option I have is to start looking for other jobs ASAP and quit as soon as I get one. I can't afford to be jobless at the moment. :/ So fingers crossed I'll get something soon. Thank you so much for your advice.


No problem. I missed the part of you being attracted to him though. That further complicates things of course, but the fact of the matter is if you said no, it's no. He should just leave at that.

Plus the fact that he'd actively pursue women while married and actually have the gal to admit it to another girl he's going after shows a major lack of character on his part. He more than likely wouldn't be worth a long term relationship based n that. Try to keep that in mind if you find yourself thinking about him. He seems like he's just the charmer type anyway.

I sort of feel for his wife.


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## Ryude (Jul 16, 2013)

I think the best option is to continue to turn him down and hope he gets the hint. People like him make me disgusted to be a man.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

I'm too lazy to read the whole thread, have there been any updates by the OP? Is she bangin her boss yet?


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

I'm curious to know what happened with the OP's saga.


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## Mugen Souls (Jun 3, 2013)

Frostbite said:


> I'm too lazy to read the whole thread, have there been any updates by the OP? Is she bangin her boss yet?


In my personal opoion? If not, eventually.

1)She stated she didn't want to lose her job.

2)She said they work alone a lot

3)She said she's attracted to him.

He's probably going to charm her into it eventually. Most women fall for smooth talkers hook, line, and sinker.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Richard Pawgins said:


> anyway, I'm curious to know what happened with the OP's saga.


Read the thread man. She decided to go to her boss' home but ended up hooking up with his wife instead.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

nubly said:


> Read the thread man. She decided to go to her boss' home but ended up hooking up with his wife instead.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

nubly said:


> Read the thread man. She decided to go to her boss' home but ended up hooking up with his wife instead.


your post + the dead serious look you have in ur avi routinely crack me up

Been meaning to mention this earlier

thanks

:clap


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

*I deleted several conflict posts. Please stay on topic and be civil with each other or the thread will be locked and further action will be taken.*

I know not all of the advice in the thread is popular, but the OP already addressed the issue people were having with it in the quote below, so everyone please move on from that issue. Thanks! 



KeiraA said:


> *Oh gosh no, oral sex is still cheating and I wouldn't even consider it. End of.*
> 
> The fact of the matter is that if he was single, I wouldn't hesitate to make a move. But the fact of the fact is that he has kids AND a wife and it's a really crappy thing to do, especially when children are involved, so morally I won't do anything.
> I think the only real option I have is to start looking for other jobs ASAP and quit as soon as I get one. I can't afford to be jobless at the moment. :/ So fingers crossed I'll get something soon.
> Thank you so much for your advice.


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Sorry to break it to you but you want him badly and the only thing stopping you is your own moral grounds. You may even like the thrill of it. If you really wanted to end it, you would simply have said so even with the risk of losing your job, after all you're even considering having an afair with him hence the title of the post.


> people with SA usually have a WHOLE bunch of other motives underneath the obvious few.


This. This. This. a million times this. As I said, it may be the thrill of even the thought of having an afair to a married man that turns you on otherwise you wouldn't have asked for advice.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)




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## HitGirl (Mar 12, 2013)

ManOfFewWords said:


>


You know what, some of you are really starting to disgusts me. I think I'll just leave it at that...


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

HitGirl said:


> You know what, some of you are really starting to disgusts me. I think I'll just leave it at that...


Well said!

Guys, this is a support site, not your own personal playground. Either offer some genuine support or shut up.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Cheating is such a ****ing disgusting thing to do.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Guys, this is a support site, not your own personal playground. Either offer some genuine support or shut up.


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## alieneyed (Jul 3, 2013)

Am I the only female who thinks this thread is hilarious?


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I "love" how people advice her not to get involved with this man, when she clearly said in the OP that she _declined_. She's asking how to deal with the fact that he's not respecting her decision, at all.

Please don't quit your job because of this douche. At least not until you find something better.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

Wow... some people can be really vile.
I am admittedly quite naïve, as well as scared and all I wanted was some advice and support. In future please read the goddamn original post before you comment.

To anyone that gives a damn, I've quit my job which I'm devastated about. I've also blocked his numbers so hopefully this is the end of the situation. Thank you to all those that tried to help me.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

shyvr6 said:


> *I deleted several conflict posts. Please stay on topic and be civil with each other or the thread will be locked and further action will be taken.*
> 
> I know not all of the advice in the thread is popular, but the OP already addressed the issue people were having with it in the quote below, so everyone please move on from that issue. Thanks!


Thank you.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Good luck in your job search. Hopefully you will never have to deal with a situation like that again.


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## KeiraA (Apr 16, 2013)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Good luck in your job search. Hopefully you will never have to deal with a situation like that again.


I had an interview today so fingers crossed! Thank you very much


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## Dreamer1217 (Jul 17, 2013)

No good can come from dating a married man. Trust me it's a self-destructive path. Stay true to your morals and don't give in to him. Try to be as professional as can around your boss at work. If he keeps pressuring you to date you may want to look for another job. The situation come become more awkward. Whatever you do, do not give in to this man it's nothing but a downward spiral...


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## jeremy88 (Jan 5, 2013)

The right thing to do would be to tell his wife about what happened. Perhaps with a letter or phone call. It's her right to know how her husband is acting. People like him should not be able to hide things like that from their supposed "love-ones".


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## Skeithz (Jun 2, 2013)

Quit your job.

Edit: I just read your post that you quit your job, anyway good luck looking for new job and keep what you are doing and keep your relationship on professional basis.


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## Dysthymia (May 29, 2013)

I do believe OP has restored a sliver of my faith in humanity.


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## karenw (Aug 20, 2012)

He shouldn't have got married and had kids if he were to consider straying, if he ever left his wife which he probably wouldn't think of the baggage, I think he's too old for you anyway!  There's a lot of reasons against it, in a work situation it gets worse!! Now you've kissed him it appears he wants to go that step further & because you have I guess that gives him the green light although if you've made it clear you're not interested he shouldn't be constantly contacting you as others have said. Sounds like you have made the right decision to leave, it makes you wonder if he will employ another attractive girl.


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## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

I've gone through a similar experience (with a married women), a lot of people claim it's disgusting but attraction and emotion is something else...however the guilt just isn't worth it at all and it's most certainly the hardest situation to be in when it comes to relationships. 

It was very admirable and respectable of you OP to quit your job and ignore him.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

KeiraA said:


> After 6 months of hunting for a job I've finally managed to get one and it has helped my SA and confidence to no end. Because of it I've also met a lot of new people and I'm slowly making some friends, (well, I'm trying to). I thought that things were FINALLY getting better!!!!
> 
> However, my boss has always been quite flirtatious with me but I didn't think anything of it at first. I just assumed that he simply had a flirty personality. That was until a week ago when we were driving back from somewhere... He pulled the car over and we chatted for ages. He said that his marriage was going through a rough patch and that he was really attracted to me and couldn't get me out of his mind. He said that he'd had an affair before and that no one would find out. He kissed me and then said that he wanted to start dating me in secret. I'm not going to lie, I am really attracted to him to, we have the same interests and passions and we just click! It's been such a long time since I felt so close with a guy. Because of the fact that I'm obviously hopeless with interaction you can see how this may be tempting but NOTHING is going to happen.
> 
> ...


Thats really hard but dont do it , you may regret it 
I hope i can find someone younger at age 42 cause to be honest Im ready to give up now and Im 39


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

It is a shame to quit your job because of that. I am glad to read that you did not get involved with him, that is a very wise decision, so well done for that.

I would have blackmailed him with messages that he sent you, and said that if you keep harrassing me I will show them to your wife, or possibly record him harassing you. That way you could have kept your job and he WOULD have stopped. Whether you would have shown his wife or not is irrelevant, it wouldn't have come to that. And if it did (95% sure it wouldn't), it would be your choice whether you followed through or just quit at that point.

Leverage is power afterall and *******s who are willing to cheat on their wife have already shown their character and do not deserve to be treated with respect.


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## Khantko (Apr 27, 2012)

situations/actions have a way of coming back around to you, speaking from experience. If you want to cheat with him, go for it. But be prepared for something similar to happen to you when you are married with kids in the future. It's simple as the old saying goes, "do to others, what you want done to you"


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