# 35 and still very stuck



## Nessa27 (Jun 8, 2012)

This is my first post on this forum, just needing to vent and get some perspective, not sure if it will help but here goes.
I'm a female turning 35 in a week. I'm single, no kids, no career. Been working retail ever since I graduated college with a psych degree. Mostly health food/supplement stores. I've been working at a fast paced, in your face customer service job at the same place for 7 years, and every day has been like mental torture. I commute an hour each way on the bus to work, so before 8 hours around people, I spend an extra hour being around more people. Most sane people would have changed their situation by now, but I have very little confidence in myself, poor communication and concentration skills, have total panic attacks in interviews, and have no other skills besides working retail. I'm not even good with computers. I know just a little bit about health, but not enough to show for me working at a supplement store for 7 years. Been slow at learning because I'm so focused on the anxiety all the time and avoiding people and conversations longer than a minute. The fast pace has worked for me in a way, because I can avoid conversations with people. You would think after that long, I would be better at it! But I've just coped and suffered. I control the anxiety with small amounts of beta blockers and klonopins, and supplements of course. Not on a daily SSRI. I feel like life is just passing me by, quickly and slowly at the same time, if that's possible. I've been to so many therapists with little help, and right now I'm working on an online EFT program for social anxiety. Most of my energy every day goes into hiding this problem from others, and isolating. I live across the country from my family, and terrified to move and ashamed to live close to them. 







































That's my shpiel. Can anyone relate or give advice? Thanks.


----------



## annoyedgrunt84 (Nov 14, 2013)

Welcome to the forums!  I am always afraid of the responsibility of jobs. My boss just yesterday said something about me taking over when she retires in a few years (I work at a small museum in my hometown)and I felt a jolt of electricity go through me. I am really afraid that I can't handle that kind of responsibility. Maybe it's time to get serious about SSRI's. They really do help with anxiety and many of them have very few side effects. Finding a therapist can be hard, the hardest part for me is when they have to tell me things I don't want to hear, and the fact that I have to be completely open and honest for the therapy process to work. But admitting you have an issue is always the first step and often the hardest.


----------



## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Hi Nessa27 welcome to the forum. I share your occupational concerns- I am almost 30 and left the one good job I ever had for the unknown and I am freaked out and filled with regret.


----------



## ksinev (Dec 14, 2013)

I Nessa, I can relate. I am near the same age and life situation. My job is a decent one that pays well, for which I am thankful. Quite frankly, it's hard to have social anxiety but what I've done over the years to cope is focus on my strengths. I've been to therapists and I've been on meds but there is nothing quite as effective as finding something you are really naturally good at and developing it. Start with little goals and when you meet each goal you will start to build the confidence you never had. It doesn't have to be social goals (but that wouldn't hurt) it could be anything: run a 7 minute mile (maybe you can already do this but it would be a miracle for me), do 40 push ups, start a book club or learn to paint. I don't think enough therapists work from a strength based perspective and this may have been what you have been missing. It won't solve everything but you will be amazed at how incredibly healing it can be to find something that you can do that other people value. 

Again, it hasn't solved all of my problems, I'm still single with no kids but I feel like I've been able to do things that make my life meaningful and worthwhile. I'm never bored and I'm always excited about an upcoming project, whether it is an online article, screenplay or day trip. Honestly, most people wouldn't realize that I have social anxiety. 

Also, being on AD/HD medications has helped me focus and reduce my anxiety. Sometimes AD/HD and social anxiety go hand in hand.


----------



## Nessa27 (Jun 8, 2012)

*Thanks.*

It's been like 8 months, but just want to thank everyone who responded to my thread. I appreciate your insight and ability to relate. It helps!
Next month I'll be taking a meditation course called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Supposed to be helpful for stress, pain, depression, etc. Only problem is it's in a group! But it's something I have to do.


----------



## blueidealist26 (Dec 16, 2012)

I just wanted to mention that I've heard of MBSR and apparently it's great. I write for an online magazine, themindfulword.org and there are a few articles about it on there if you want to check them out (I think they're in the mind-spirit section, probably the psychology subsection, but there's also a search bar on the right hand side of the site).


----------



## Nessa27 (Jun 8, 2012)

Thanks for the link and the encouragement, blue  I'll definitely check it out.


----------



## Nessa27 (Jun 8, 2012)

I also heard that this program is really good too...I've done some EFT on other things and I know it works. Just not sure I'm able and willing to commit to what it requires right now, doing it on my own.

http://www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/eft-therapy/


----------



## HopingforMiracle (Jan 30, 2016)

know this is an old thread, but my situation is almost same as yours except that i quit my job 3 years back as it was making me go crazy and medications/therapies didn't help. Now am scared to work so much that i get panic attacks just looking for jobs . Moreover am looking for job in other field starting fresh as i never liked my old career. This makes it super difficult as all they want is experienced one or a fresher. 

not sure if you still log in to this site, if you do do let me know if the EFT has helped your anxiety issues


----------



## saline (Feb 16, 2011)

Wow.
I could have written a lot of that OP myself! We sound very similar indeed. Only difference is that i'm a guy!
(edit: just realised it's an old thread)


----------



## Michonne (Feb 2, 2016)

Hi! I see this is an old thread but I'm very curious to know how things are going for you now? I can definitely relate. I'm 30, I have a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing and have not yet worked in that field because of my SA. Just retail and fast food, and I couldn't even stand that so now I'm unemployed. I really want to get a hang of this because I know that I want to get out there and help people.


----------

