# CONFUSED: does he hate me or like me?



## zavery786 (Jun 3, 2013)

There is this guy i really like in my class. We are opposites; i am quiet and reserved, only have a few close friends, and i have anxiety. He is popular, outgoing, and could get any girl to be honest. He would always stare at me a lot and sit with my table group face to face with me even though he could sit with his friends. He would always stare at me but i have too much anxiety to even glance up at him. He would look at me when i laughed or talked, and he would stare at me from down the hall. But finally when he was staring at me one day, I stopped avoiding eye contact and looked up at him. He was staring intently and there was this tension between us until i looked away. My friend said she thinks he likes me. But ever since i looked at him, he stopped sitting in my table group, and he stopped looking at me, even though i look at him a lot now. During class, he was 2 seats away from me and asked someone next to him what the homework was. She said she didn't know and that he should ask me instead. Then he glanced at me, was quiet for a few seconds, then skipped me and asked the next person beside me about the homework. Now he's just avoiding me. But why? Did i do something wrong? Does he hate me? He is avoiding me like i would avoid him, and I'm so confused now. What do you guys think?*


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I'm no expert in communication, but I suppose it's possible he likes you, or at least has some sort of interest in you. 

The tough thing about staring is, sometimes, even if it's in different places, they might just be staring off into space. At least in my case, people have often accused me of staring at them, or my friends would say "You stare at that guy a lot, do you like him?" When I wouldn't even realize it, because I'm so often in my head. But I'm a strange case so I can't say it's the same for everyone else lol

His reaction though, after the fact, kind of seems like despite his popularity, he might be unsure how to say anything? What I mean is, doesn't know what to do when he isn't socially "on", or maybe he's used to girls talking to him first? Is he the type that talks the most in a crowd? Maybe he relies on his peers or peer reaction to be social. 

The only way to really have a clue, is unfortunately, verbal communication lol. We can't read one another's minds, so we have to try and get one another to open up about things. You don't have to go right out with "Hey I noticed you staring at me all the time but now you don't, why?" lol. Just maybe, whenever you're nearby and they're talking about something you're familiar with or have a chance to respond to, try to use that to engage him. 

I know it's hard, especially when you like someone and now you're feeling self-conscious with this staring/avoiding thing, but it doesn't hurt to give it a try at least. Like when you're in a more 'forced' situation, like in class or while sitting together as a group. Otherwise you're pretty much going to be stuck wondering "what if...", because the answer unfortunately isn't going to come unless there's some form of verbal confirmation. I know this personally, because I've spent too much time keeping everything to myself and wondering "what if" and never knowing unless I dared myself to find out for myself in my own, indirect way.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

He probably just wanted to bang you then realized it would be too much effort.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Frostbite said:


> He probably just wanted to bang you then realized it would be too much effort.


lol! Unfortunately this is also a likely reason. Not everyone is interested in you in the way you might think/want. Just remember, having a crush on someone isn't everything, nor is it the end of the world if it turns out they don't like you back. People are different, and especially in situations where you're not that familiar with one another, we tend to fool ourselves with things like crushes--until we get to know them, chances are, we may not even like them as much as we think we do.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

One thing I want to tell you (and everyone on this forum) is to stop looking at these non-verbal cues of interest that much. They're a bonus when accompanied by other signals, sure, but if you end up reading into them too much, you might end up getting obsessed. A lot of people with anxiety tend to do this, as it is harder for us to pick up on the "vibes" other people send, so we end up obsessing over little details of body language. I used to think every girl who smiled at me when she passed me in the corridor was into me, which is clearly not true. Someone you haven't really spoken to you looking at you on occasion may mean anything from interest, to attraction, to disliking, to you simply happening to be in his peripheral vision. Him not talking to you is actually a good sign, as it shows he is slightly intimidated by you, which might mean attraction.

However, this isn't to dishearten you OP. As I said, it _could_ mean attraction, but you, or anyone else other than him, have no way of knowing. The only solution is *just start a conversation with him*. It's a lot harder than it sounds, I know, it took me literally months to gather the courage to talk to my previous crush. You don't need to say anything amazing. Just try and start a casual conversation with him and see his reaction towards you.

If you get rejected, that's not our fault. If it does end up becoming a relationship, then congratulations. However, if you end up never finding out what could have happened, because you were too busy waiting for him to make a move or over analysing minor details, then I'm sorry, but that is your fault. And you don't want to live with that regret, trust me.


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## zavery786 (Jun 3, 2013)

Ntln said:


> One thing I want to tell you (and everyone on this forum) is to stop looking at these non-verbal cues of interest that much. They're a bonus when accompanied by other signals, sure, but if you end up reading into them too much, you might end up getting obsessed. A lot of people with anxiety tend to do this, as it is harder for us to pick up on the "vibes" other people send, so we end up obsessing over little details of body language. I used to think every girl who smiled at me when she passed me in the corridor was into me, which is clearly not true. Someone you haven't really spoken to you looking at you on occasion may mean anything from interest, to attraction, to disliking, to you simply happening to be in his peripheral vision. Him not talking to you is actually a good sign, as it shows he is slightly intimidated by you, which might mean attraction.
> 
> However, this isn't to dishearten you OP. As I said, it _could_ mean attraction, but you, or anyone else other than him, have no way of knowing. The only solution is *just start a conversation with him*. It's a lot harder than it sounds, I know, it took me literally months to gather the courage to talk to my previous crush. You don't need to say anything amazing. Just try and start a casual conversation with him and see his reaction towards you.
> 
> If you get rejected, that's not our fault. If it does end up becoming a relationship, then congratulations. However, if you end up never finding out what could have happened, because you were too busy waiting for him to make a move or over analysing minor details, then I'm sorry, but that is your fault. And you don't want to live with that regret, trust me.


That is exactly what i was afraid of: that i am overanalyzing things. I was trying not to overanalyze but the way he keeps dodging me got me paranoid. Maybe its nothing, maybe he feels something, i dont know. But yeah, i guess i will make conversation eventually. Thanks


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