# never dated a boy?



## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

i was sitting in our office last night doing some work and my mom was on the computer. the way the desk is set up, i could see what she was doing online. she was on this advice board thingy, kinda like SAS but for parents. she posted this topic that was like, my daughter is 20, never dated a boy ever, should i worry? 

:fall 

great.... thanks mom.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

:hug 

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 and I've never dated. I'm sure my family just assumes something is wrong with me. (Other than SA, I mean.)


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Sounds like it might be a good time to talk to her about your SA.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Karla said:


> i was sitting in our office last night doing some work and my mom was on the computer. the way the desk is set up, i could see what she was doing online. she was on this advice board thingy, kinda like SAS but for parents. she posted this topic that was like, my daughter is 20, never dated a boy ever, should i worry?
> :fall
> great.... thanks mom.


Karla,

Now I kind of have a sense about what went on with the college thing.


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## Christian (Oct 5, 2006)

Wow that f*cking sux. I just turned 20, and I never dated a girl, so I know just how u feel. But if I were you, I probably would've lashed out at my mother in that situation. And it's something my mother would do too... Why all this concerned all of a sudden? Your whole life you've been an outcast in your own family, and then when something real starts to sink in, people care. Now she's wondering if she should worry, not back when you were ten and you needed her. 
:hug


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

When I was 18 I once heard my mom lie about my 'dating history' (which means she created one) but I can't blame her cause I used to lie about that too. Now I even came to a point where no one asks that question any more. 
Cause duh, he's 25, of course he was in previous relationships ...


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

*Re: re: never dated a boy?*



 Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> If it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 and I've never dated.


Same here, except i'm a guy.


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## SADLiath (Aug 5, 2005)

Wow. That is incredibly insensitive of her.

Really, the only way to correct the situation is to talk to her (oh, how hard that can be ... I dread talking to my mom). Since she's asking total strangers, she obviously thinks there IS something wrong.

I guess you could write her a letter and ask what she's worried about. Does she think you're gay? That you have a secret lover you're not telling her about? That you were molested as a child and are afraid of men? That she'll never have grandchildren? There has to be something worrying her. You really just need to explain that there's nothing WRONG with you, you have SA, and it makes it more difficult to meet people and even try to begin a relationship.

If you DO write a letter or talk to her, I'd also ask her to please keep your private life ... PRIVATE. That is so embarrassing.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

At least she noticed...


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

andy1984 said:


> At least she noticed...


^^^No kidding...
Perhaps she could have responded with a little more thoughtfulness...but maybe you could use it as a way to approach your mom about your SA?
Parents can be great at making life rough...


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Yes, I would be embarrassed too, but maybe she wasn't sure what to do? It's clear that she's concerned, and probably would like to talk to you about it, but not sure how to go about it or afraid of how you'll react. I think what she did is probably the best, asking for advice on an anonymous site, instead of asking your relatives or other people you know for advice.

I agree with the note suggestion. That's how I told my mom about my SA.


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

My mother goes on telling complete strangers that I've never dated :? I'd rather she do it online. At least it shows she cares :hug


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

andy1984 said:


> At least she noticed...


That's not always what it is cracked up to be. My Mom tries to set me up with any and every girl that is in her 20's that she meets now.

"Why don't you ask her out" "How about her?" "She looks nice, go talk to her..."

She means well, but after a childhood were interacting with members of the opposite gender outside of the family was not allowed (and teasing and shame were used to scare us kids away from talking to any girls), what she is doing now is about 15 years too late.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

How embarrassing for you! I agree with Amocholes, that it's a good opportunity to talk with your mom about your SA.

At least, it sounds like she cares, if she's online, asking for advice. I wouldn't argue if my parents asked for advice on how to be better parents, LOL. Maybe someone on the message board will respond to your mom with good advice on how she can be more encouraging and supportive of you.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

Classified said:


> andy1984 said:
> 
> 
> > She means well, but after a childhood were interacting with members of the opposite gender outside of the family was not allowed (and teasing and shame were used to scare us kids away from talking to any girls), what she is doing now is about 15 years too late.
> ...


[/quote:510cc]

i don't think my mom would respond so well to a letter....

she probably does think i'm gay or something


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## skeeter31 (Dec 9, 2006)

I'm 20 and I've never dated a girl. But my Mom has never said anything about, at least not that I know of... :con


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I've never dated a boy either. I think it has something to do with me being a straight male.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

*Re: re: never dated a boy?*



UltraShy said:


> I've never dated a boy either. I think it has something to do with me being a straight male.


smart *** :spank


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## 0rchid (Aug 19, 2006)

Yeah, I just turned 20 and I've never dated a boy either. I've been asked out once but because of my anxiety, I quickly said NO. I think I was a little mean to him but hey, I felt like why would he want to date me?

Now, I think I've never been asked out even in university because I don't go out at all. I mean I sit with my girlfriends in classes and we talk and honestly I feel like we look like we're having a blast in boring biology classes but afterwards, I always lie and say I gotta get home and do stuff, even when I know I really have nothing to do at home. I always end up by myself at home watching tv and studying. I have such a boring life. :sigh


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Karla said:


> i wasn't allowed to talk to boys when i was younger, not even when i was in high school. i wasn't allowed to go on dates or anything all my life and now all of a sudden she's worried and wants me to just jump right in and start dating. it's just doesn't work like that, esp for someone with little to no experience about dating.


That's too bad. It's kinda silly when parents raise you a certain way, expecting you to turn out the opposite of what they raised you to be. And it's funny how those same parents keep wondering why their kids insist upon living by the values they were taught.

Boys, dating, and growing up were some of the subjects my family didn't discuss with me when I was a teen. I'm 23 years old, and I've only been on one date in my life...which happened several years ago in high school. My mom insisted I wear denim overalls on that date. :lol Even though I'm older, we still don't discuss these issues, and it's just something everyone ignores.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

that blows. my mother tells me i should seek out a girlfriend whenver she gets the chance. if only it were that easy


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

I wasn't allowed to date either when I was in my teens. Back then, every time I complained that I was behind on dating, my mom would go on tirades about how all girls act/are ****ty nowadays and I should consider virginity a virtue and I should be scared of STD's, etc. She's not a religious nut, she just reads way too many alarmist trend pieces about teen sex. and she was anxious that my dating would somehow lead to me having tons of sex.
Anyways, surprise, now she's ashamed that I'm 23 and never dated...When I hear people ask her if i have a boyfriend, she would change the subject to who my siblings are dating.


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## NONfiction (Dec 30, 2006)

ladies ladies... I gurantee there's atleast one boy you all know that would love to go out with each and everyone of you. You gals should really consider dating, despite how vulnerable you feel at first, you may enjoy yourselves in the long run..




says NONfiction, the SA inflicted panzy who's too afraid to let himself become attached to a female.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm 24 and never dated, just had online relationships. My mom just makes up stuff about me, I think. Thats what I'd rather have her do anyway.


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## jeepy97_21 (Nov 2, 2005)

Sounds to me like your mom is just concerned for you, although I can understand how that would make you feel. I would feel the same way in that situation. I agree with everyone else that you should talk to your mom about your sa. I have done the same thing, and although I don't think they completely understand, they do know that this is why I am the way I am. I havn't dated in forever either, fell for a girl last spring, and it didnt work out, mostly due to my anxiety I think. At that point I just kinda gave up, and havnt fell in love since. Hopefully someday i can experience those feelings again. I was a late dater too, didnt start until I was about 20, your perfectly fine, who cares what everyone else does or thinks.


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

It depends... I suppose your mom expects that you should have dated by now. But for some people it's just not as easy to find someone they can connect with.

I'm actually getting worried what my parents think of me never dating. I've had interests before, and my mother knows that, but it never works in my favor. The guy is always taken.

My sister starting dating at 15. At 17 she had her first serious relationship which is going on 4 years now. She's 21. They are probably getting married when she's 22.

I'm 18 and haven't even gone on a REAL date. I've been asked on dates, but always by complete strangers that are five years older than me.

Haha, just yesterday my friend said, 'We need to get Kelly a boyfriend!' No one understands that when I look for a boyfriend I look for someone I would be willing to marry. That's why it's so difficult for me.


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## bigchris407 (Dec 20, 2006)

I understand how you feel. All the effort I ever got from my mother was "are you talking to girls??" and I would get this horrible, tense, anxious, disgusting feeling and not even respond. I have tormented myself since 6th grade when I saw girls and guys hugging and it scared the bejesus out of me for not being Zack Morris on Saved by the Bell. (I hope you know who I'm talking about) Just say popular with the ladies. 
The first time I ever kissed a girl was I think 21 or 22 and I'm 26 now with not a whole lot more experience. 
I blame a lot of this trend on globalization and every family I've ever seen having like 3 televisions in every room constantly showing images and stories that reg. people can't possible live up to b/c life isn't scripted. I mean I used to move furniture and I'd say nine times out of ten the one thing they didn't want us to break was their TV. It almost sickens me that an inanimate object is given so much importance. 
I'm finally getting to the point where I can accept myself for not being romeo and am starting to get enough courage to change my situation but it has taken time.... and more than enough pain for my liking but that is how life works for me. I don't change until the pain gets bad enough. BTW, how do you feel about not dating boys?? Because I think that is the most important thing. I hope this helps.


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

Perrap said:


> Message said:
> 
> 
> > No one understands that when I look for a boyfriend I look for someone I would be willing to marry. That's why it's so difficult for me.
> ...


 :ditto I always get strange responses when I get to talking with people about that...
I'm a guy...I'm supposed to be out chasing girls right!?...no?

I have found that I get along so much better with people who go to church... they have so much more self-respect and are more forward looking than tonight's funtimes...
unfortunately, those that do, more often than not, dont really want anything to do with an Agnostic like myself(even though I enjoy going to church and talking about religion...hehe)...
:sigh I bet alot of SAS feels the same as we do... I guess we're all alone together

... ... Someday *daydreams*


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AnxiousAirman said:


> Perrap said:
> 
> 
> > Message said:
> ...


Tonight's funtimes - I like that.
Churchgoers do want to have something to do with you. If you are that interested, it could be something to pursue. If I could only get this message through my head (after a BAD experience), I would be fine.

One would think a person with upstanding character would be the one to go for!


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## nnn876 (Oct 26, 2006)

AnxiousAirman said:


> I have found that I get along so much better with people who go to church... they have so much more self-respect and are more forward looking than tonight's funtimes...
> unfortunately, those that do, more often than not, dont really want anything to do with an Agnostic like myself(even though I enjoy going to church and talking about religion...hehe)...


Ever tried a Unitarian-Universalist church? They're not for everyone, but I enjoy the one I go to, and being big believers in religious pluralism and having no creed, they even accept godless heathens like me.


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Perrap said:


> Message said:
> 
> 
> > No one understands that when I look for a boyfriend I look for someone I would be willing to marry. That's why it's so difficult for me.
> ...


Reading that, I realized that's what I do! Not in a position to meet guys, I don't have the opportunity to even "shop around," and so I usually think about the long term.


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## Xanatos32 (Dec 28, 2012)

I've had three dates and one solicitation for oral sex.

1st date: Middle school and she endlessly made excuses not to see me.
2nd date: An overweight, extroverted, and the most hated girl in school asked me out. I turned her down.
3rd date: My current one which is a difficult LDR.

Could have lost my V-card to a woman 10 years ago. My biggest problem with it at the time was that she said, "we have to do it all in the dark, because once you see me you become attached to my beauty" or something like that.

I had this overwhelming feeling that she was going to either rape me or steal my car/money. Oddly enough, she did say that she did not mind going over to pick me up at my house. Sometimes I think about it, and say to myself maybe I should have gone. Losing the damn V-card may not mean much to most people, but it is one of those annoying things that makes approaching women so difficult.

Back on topic though, I've only ever wanted to dates someone that has a high chance of being my wife. I haven't gone out there for 15 years looking for casual sex. I want more than just a one night stand. I want a family and all of the joy and happiness that comes with being a couple.

Wish there were some way I could find these undated women and ask one out. What do they look like? Where do they go? And what should I say to one of them if I go for it? 

What I love about this forum is that there are women on here unlike the angry male virgin/dateless/loveless forums. I want to learn how to get their attention, and I do not believe in pick up artists.

I ought to create a club for the single and SA in some city. Invite only those who fit the criteria. I could be a millionaire if I could figure out how to get it started. And eliminate all the heartache people have.

I'm here and I'm single guy. Like the Abba song, take a chance on me. I don't bite.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Okay, then.


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## Sniper Wolf (Oct 19, 2012)

Most of my family thinks I'm gay cuz i'm 18 and never had a girlfriend V_V


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Boys are hairy and smelly. Don't date us.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

She is asking for help on something that concerns her anonymously(I assume), why is it a problem?


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

Xanatos32 said:


> Like the Abba song, take a chance on me. I don't bite.


I like the Erasure cover of that quite a bit...



Sniper Wolf said:


> Most of my family thinks I'm gay cuz i'm 18 and never had a girlfriend V_V


It's funny how being terrible at heterosexuality seems to imply being great at homosexuality somehow :yes.



arnie said:


> Boys are hairy and smelly. Don't date us.


I assume that's half the attraction.

Not to mention manly musculature and whatnot.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

I'm in the same boat and am 20. However, I do attract many guys my way..but it never goes further than that. In our society (especially in the US)9-11 years old is now the norm for "going out" and having so called boyfriends. Even in my elementary years, I remember so many 10 year olds bragging about going out with boys. Gtf with that BS. Soon, society will be literally looking down on people who are younger than 16 years old for never having a boyfriend.


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## Xanatos32 (Dec 28, 2012)

ratherunique11 said:


> I'm in the same boat and am 20. However, I do attract many guys my way..but it never goes further than that. In our society (especially in the US)9-11 years old is now the norm for "going out" and having so called boyfriends. Even in my elementary years, I remember so many 10 year olds bragging about going out with boys. Gtf with that BS. Soon, society will be literally looking down on people who are younger than 16 years old for never having a boyfriend.


If many guys are attracted to you, something will happen. It is a daily battle for me being ignored by women. They treat me as a friend with no greater intention. I think it makes sense that men and women cannot be friends.

There is a huge part of me that wished I never went through puberty, but that I managed to keep the innocence of true childhood friendship for life. I had plenty of that. Yet, as you noticed. You turn 10 years old and suddenly it's the power of sexual attraction dictating your thoughts, moods, and conversations.

Anxiety and depression entered my life the moment boyfriends/girlfriends became apparent. Not sure how I have coped all these years; it has become a lot worse in the past few months though.

When everything is going your way, and you have a boyfriend/girlfriend everything is wonderful. Having had that and lost it recently, the world is 100x worse than I could ever imagine.

Never dating is one thing, but heart break/rejection/betrayal really sucks the wind right out of you. I do not wish this feeling on anyone. I used to say something like, you have to risk a few failures to reach true happiness. Well, I finally let it happen to me, and the waiting is almost unbearable.

Be cautious when you do date; don't give up too much of yourself. Take it really slowly, that's what I say. Even then be ready if just as you are about to commit to something major, you find yourself wounded by his/her sudden change in plans.

I rejected this girl I knew in high school once; thankfully, it was long before cell phones. I think I am going through what she must have gone through. When two people love each other, it is magical. It's a game of chance though; both sides have to be equal or it falls apart and really fast at that.


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## jms33 (Jan 2, 2013)

My parents haven't been as vocal about their concerns about my lack of dating life but my grandparents ask me any change they get if I am dating any one. My grandpa has even taken to telling me that I am starting to get too old :roll 

I just try to not let it get to me. Yeah, it does feel embarrassing sometimes when people significantly younger than me are in 'relationships' but I think that when it's right for me it will happen.


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## pastelsound (Dec 27, 2012)

I'm 21 and never had a bf. I think my parents would be happy if I got a bf. I was asked out before but pretty much ran away by making up an excuse. I don't see myself having a bf. I think the saying that 'you can't expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself' is so true. I just don't think anyone would gain anything positive by dating someone like me.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

LOL 19, never dated anyone... one time I did ask a guy out, he didn't want a relationship. All the other times, I kind of just either admired the guy from afar because I was too shy to make a move or I'd just be friends with him.

And when some guys would ask me out, I'd shy away too  ahhh anxiety!


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

pastelsound said:


> I'm 21 and never had a bf. I think my parents would be happy if I got a bf. I was asked out before but pretty much ran away by making up an excuse. I don't see myself having a bf. I think the saying that 'you can't expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself' is so true. I just don't think anyone would gain anything positive by dating someone like me.


I'm not sure to be honest, I've always looked at it like someone CAN love you even if you don't love yourself, it's like their just seeing that beautiful person that you really are but you just can't see yourself... if that made any sense?


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

NoHeart said:


> I'm not sure to be honest, I've always looked at it like someone CAN love you even if you don't love yourself, it's like their just seeing that beautiful person that you really are but you just can't see yourself... if that made any sense?


Yeah, that kind of makes sense too.

Still, it's kind of hard and impractical if you won't ALLOW someone to love you. Which would be the case if you didn't love yourself I would think.

It's only going to work for so long and even then in exceptional cases. If they can't convince you to have some self-respect then I imagine they'll leave pretty quickly and understandably.


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## catdoll (Dec 27, 2012)

i was late also i didnt start to seeing someone , recently , usually i just had the courage to talk online! even talking on the phone and seeing someone in real life was sooo scary!


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## GirlInvisible (Jan 21, 2013)

Its great your mother worries about you, just talk to her about it. Tell her there is nothing to worry about!  I'm 19 and my mother has never approved of me dating, I had a fling at 14 for less than month and my mom hated him then at 17 I dated for the first time and it was for a very short time, she was totally against it, we never talk about men, EVER. It would be the most awkward conversation ever, I wish I was in your shoes where I could confide about things like that with her.


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## Mr Grey (Jan 15, 2013)

Meh... you are 20, don't get frustrated about it. You have a whole life ahead of you. There will be time later.


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