# Relationship with a married woman?



## arni1sv (Aug 14, 2011)

I am a single man who has been friends with an older married woman for 4 years. We work together and have shared the ride to work on and off for a similar amount of time. We have grown very close to the point we know almost everything about each other. We share all our problems. I think she is way too good for her husband, but her kids are great and we get on really well.

A couple of years ago I admitted I was in love with her and I wanted to take our relationship further. She let me down gently and explained she was married and wouldn't cheat on her husband. I accepted this and we continued to work and travel together. My friend however continues to confide in me about her marital problems. We always openly flirt together and everyone who knows us sees we have a chemistry and suspect there's more to our relationship than we let on. Her husband knows we are very close friends. She has told him we are just friends and nothing physical will ever happen.

However, she admits she loves spending time with me and has recently started arranging to meet up with me to go for walks and to chat. These meetings are done without the knowledge of her husband. She invites me round to her house to help her with jobs she cannot do around the house. There is always someone else around though. 

We send each other emails and texts, we share secret jokes and confide in each other daily. More recently during a messaging conversation I asked her to send me a topless photograph of her and to my surprise she sent me one. She tends to blow hot and cold with me as though some days she loves me and others she does not. If we fall out for a while she always comes back to being the same flirtatious best friend.

I think we are having an emotional affair and I'm addicted to the highs & lows. She denies she wants to make it a physical affair but her sending me topless photographs is sending me the signals that she wants more than she's letting on.

Does anybody think we are on the verge of taking our relationship to the next level?

Is it wrong to have a loving, non physical relationship with a married woman?

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was!

Thanks.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

It doesn't matter what you think of her husband. She is in a committed marriage, and you have to respect that. Don't take the relationship any further. You need to talk to her about what's going on between you two. If she's really unhappy and does want a divorce from her husband, that's up to her. But you have no right to butt in in the meantime.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

quote deleted :wink

:lol what? I missed that poster. Must have been when I wasnt around.


To the OP: Well, sending you a topless pic is a pretty clear signal. I don't really see a problem in starting a relationship with her as such but what do you want from her? You say she is hot and cold, ignores you and then comes back. Don't you think she will carry on doing that? Is that the kind of relationship you want? What makes you so sure she will leave her husband?


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

Well it is definitely wrong for her to flirt like that with you and send topless pictures, but besides that you don't seem to be helping the situation by telling her how you feel and asking for those pictures.

She is married. Don't be THAT guy.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

you want to see what will happen with this lovely, magical relationship? go ahead, take it to the "next level". at around the five year mark, either both or one of you will be embarking on the next magical mystery topless flirtation tour.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

She's married. You shouldn't be asking her for topless photos and she shouldn't be sending them. Knock that off.

There are tons of single ladies out there. Go find one of them.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Once the excitement wears off, you'll both be looking for the next emotional high.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

arni1sv said:


> I am a single man who has been friends with an older married woman for 4 years. We work together and have shared the ride to work on and off for a similar amount of time. We have grown very close to the point we know almost everything about each other. We share all our problems. I think she is way too good for her husband, but her kids are great and we get on really well.
> 
> A couple of years ago I admitted I was in love with her and I wanted to take our relationship further. She let me down gently and explained she was married and wouldn't cheat on her husband. I accepted this and we continued to work and travel together. My friend however continues to confide in me about her marital problems. We always openly flirt together and everyone who knows us sees we have a chemistry and suspect there's more to our relationship than we let on. Her husband knows we are very close friends. She has told him we are just friends and nothing physical will ever happen.
> 
> ...


It's wrong. Period.
She should be having that intimacy with her husband, not you. It is wrong for her to do this - to her husband, and you.

She's got issues, man.


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## arni1sv (Aug 14, 2011)

I guess no :no However I am unsure of who I was in my previous incarnation


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## arni1sv (Aug 14, 2011)

Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions about this


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

This is actually not that uncommon. There's a term for it.. 'work spouse'. Do a search for the term and you'll see all sorts of advice for it. Considering how much time co-workers spend together, it's not really surprising to become emotionally intimate with someone married at work.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I've had married women want a relationship with me before, and while it can be somewhat flattering that someone wants you, I kind of take it as an insult. 

They see me as an escape from their unhappy lives, but who wants to be just an escape from someone's poor choices.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

She said that she wouldn't cheat on her husband yet she sent you a topless photo? To me that is cheating.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

She said that she wouldn't cheat on her husband yet she sent a topless picture? It's wrong!


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## slushie87 (Jul 28, 2011)

Johnny_Genome said:


> I've had married women want a relationship with me before, and while it can be somewhat flattering that someone wants you, I kind of take it as an insult.
> 
> They see me as an escape from their unhappy lives, but who wants to be just an escape from someone's poor choices.


Yeah, she may just be using you as an escape and it could even just be some fantasy for her. If she's sending topless photos she either wants it to become physical or just wants attention so she can feel desirable...which is still wrong. I've had 2 of my friends get burned in a situation like this and in both cases the person that was married NEVER left their husband or wife. And if she does actually leave her husband and you two hit it off...what makes you think she won't do the same thing to you once things get tough?


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## Demerzel (Nov 13, 2003)

slushie87 said:


> And if she does actually leave her husband and you two hit it off...what makes you think she won't do the same thing to you once things get tough?


^This


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

*Does anybody think we are on the verge of taking our relationship to the next level?*
-Only if the next level is a very messy relationship that won't last very long, but she sounds very conflicted. Do you really think that's the best direction to take?
*
Is it wrong to have a loving, non physical relationship with a married woman?*
-Yes if it means this married woman no longer seeks emotional companionship with her husband or uses your friendship to avoid her marital issues. Keep in mind that there are children that will be adversely affected by this affair if they haven't already been affected.


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## Music Man (Aug 22, 2009)

Don't even think about taking it to the next level!

Don't ask for any more photos either, she is bound in marriage and don't be responsible for a marriage breakup, also think how it will affect the kids.


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## littlemisshy (Aug 10, 2010)

It sounds to me that she is bored in her marriage and is looking for some excitement with no strings attached. sending you a topless photo is just part of that and I doubt it if it means that she wants to take it further. Once the the thrill has worn off for her she will probably cut you out her life. Im sorry, but it sounds like she is using you:-(


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I sort of "fell in love" if you could call it that with a married woman. I had liked her when she was single and I found it hard to let my feelings for her go. She is married with a 1 year old, but the only reason she got married was for the kid, they both made that clear. Her husband works but other than that would rather stay at home and not help her, he barely watches his son. This woman and I share very similar thoughts and interests and she talks highly of me to other people and admires that I am not lazy and always help others, just what she needs, but her husband doesn't do. 

I don't have a relationship with her, but if she got divorced id be happy to date her and I have nothing against her kid either I would make sure to give the kid and her equal attention and love.


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## RockBottomRiser (Jun 5, 2011)

She is effectively cheating, imvhaho. What she's doing is maybe even worse than a physical one night stand. She just doesn't have the moral conviction to be true to herself. 

She needs to leave one of you.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

arni1sv said:


> We send each other emails and texts, we share secret jokes and confide in each other daily.


Oh my, she's really having her cake and eating it. She has NO reason to leave her husband. She's got everything already - your love and attention and his stability and security for her kids. Why would she risk that?



arni1sv said:


> She tends to blow hot and cold with me as though some days she loves me and others she does not. If we fall out for a while she always comes back to being the same flirtatious best friend.


What a head ****. That's pretty emotionally abusive.

Yes it looks like you are addicted to the highs & lows.

Of course she wants more than she's letting on deep down, but if she reveals that to you that'd give you a concrete reason to pressure her to leave her husband, which she _doesn't want to do._

If it does go to the next level (she's been trying all along to avoid that) then she'll still not leave him.

Yes it's wrong for you. But that's your decision if you want to pay the price of being used and messed around. Just don't kid yourself about her intentions.


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## littlemisshy (Aug 10, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> Oh my, she's really having her cake and eating it. She has NO reason to leave her husband. She's got everything already - your love and attention and his stability and security for her kids. Why would she risk that?


I totally agree!


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

I know its hard because you have feelings for her but if I can give you any advice its don't do this! It will just be such an unhealthy, dramatic and complicated situation. I say remove yourself from the situation, because it is not going to end well. If her feelings are real she needs to take time to re-evaluate her marriage. This whole situation is just unfair to everyone involved. I know it won't be easy but just move on.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Cheating just hurts too many people involved. It's wrong!
Go find yourself a nice single women and please stop flirting with your coworker.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

You're in dangerous territory man. Being involved with a married person is a line that I don't think should be crossed, especially when children are in the picture.

I really think you should end this.


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## arni1sv (Aug 14, 2011)

Witan said:


> I really think you should end this.


Well after reading the entire thread I think the same now


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## Alduriam (Jun 30, 2011)

arni1sv said:


> I am a single man who has been friends with an older married woman for 4 years. We work together and have shared the ride to work on and off for a similar amount of time. We have grown very close to the point we know almost everything about each other. We share all our problems. I think she is way too good for her husband, but her kids are great and we get on really well.
> 
> A couple of years ago I admitted I was in love with her and I wanted to take our relationship further. She let me down gently and explained she was married and wouldn't cheat on her husband. I accepted this and we continued to work and travel together. My friend however continues to confide in me about her marital problems. We always openly flirt together and everyone who knows us sees we have a chemistry and suspect there's more to our relationship than we let on. Her husband knows we are very close friends. She has told him we are just friends and nothing physical will ever happen.
> 
> ...


What are you doing is very wrong. I understand you are now feeling attached to this woman, but you should have prevented this from happening in the first place.

Your actions indicate you are still pursuing her despite the fact that she is married. You are spending time with her knowing that her husband ignores this.

Why can't you look for a woman who is single instead?


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> It's wrong. Period.
> She should be having that intimacy with her husband, not you. It is wrong for her to do this - to her husband, and you.
> 
> She's got issues, man.


The end period. You do not need to see where this road goes. We all know where it goes, and you do too.

Too often nowadays it is suggested that there is nothing wrong with any kind of sex, in any kind of situation.

I do not follow that school of thought. Sex with a married woman, is a very bad situation.


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