# My Therapy Diary



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Time to start doing something about my issues.

*My therapy strategy:*
Recently, i've ordered 4 books recommended by Ross:
Butler, G. _Overcoming social anxiety and shyness. Self-help course._ - 3 books
Young, Y. _Reinventing your life._

I will start with Butler's books. Her books are easy to read action oriented. Just what i need: an easy active start. I plan to spend exactly one hour a day for reading and exercising these books.

Besides that, i strongly believe that a healthy lifestyle is essential for a sound mind. So i plan to implement a few good habits into my life.

*Why do i write this diary?*
- To track my progress. To underpin the most important daily therapy points.
- To keep myself disciplined.
- For your useful feedbacks and discussions.

*Goals:*
These are the main areas in my life that i'd like to improve as much as possible. They are damaging my social life the most.
_Maintaining eye-contact._ Current fear factor: 9
_Chatting in a bigger group of people._ Current fear factor: 7
_Reduce stress levels in social situation to normal._ Current level: 9
More to come...


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Tuesday, May 20

*What was done:*
- Made a decision to start my therapy today.
- Started therapy diary.
- Re-read Butler's book introduction.

*Notes:*
The self-help course i'm taking is a step-by-step program suitable for working alone. Although, feedbacks are recommended.
The book says, that the course may take 2-3 months to complete. Also, the importance of practical exercises is stressed. Butler says that it's gonna be a tough therapy that will require lots of persistence and hard work.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

You're making a nice start, and that's some quality literature!


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Awesome. I will watch this thread with interest! Nice one AndyLT!!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Wednesday, May 21 - Thursday, May 22

*What was done:*
Was on a trip with my university peers.

*Notes:*
Only the most active students were on this trip. My social skills appeared to be really low when i compared them to theirs. A lot of them managed to talk non-stop, joke and laugh. And i, most of the time, didn't have what to say. So, this made me think:
- Am i naturally that untalkative?
- Or do i fear to express myself?

I hope to answer this question with the therapy.


----------



## shesmyheart22 (Mar 25, 2008)

this is interesting. i will be sure to keep up with your progress. great start!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Wednesday, May 24

*What was done:*
Finished Section 1: What is social anxiety?

*Notes:*
It feels kinda depressing to admit to myself that i've got psychological problems. It's pretty tough to evaluate myself negatively.
Also, it feels like i'm not answering the questions 100% sincerely. I might need to write another diary where i'll describe my daily emotions/feelings. I tend to forget all the negative experiences very quickly. This might be some kind of my body defense mechanism.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

this is great I look forward to using self help but in the mean time I have to see if i have a more sever form of social anxiety known as slective mutism.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> this is great I look forward to using self help but in the mean time I have to see if i have a more sever form of social anxiety known as slective mutism.


Yes you mentioned this several months back. Have you not had a chance to get it assessed yet? Did you not also talk about getting a learning diability assessment?


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Yes you mentioned this several months back. Have you not had a chance to get it assessed yet? Did you not also talk about getting a learning diability assessment?[/quote]

well, not yet Ross but will be seing my doctor in a week or so again because of complaints of depression and about the learning diasbility I figured that if I do have one I cant change my brain.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Monday, May 26

*What was done:*
Finished Section 2: The Symptoms and Effects of Social Anxiety

*Notes:*
This section continued exposing my SA. There were a lot of questions where i had to admit that SA is part of my life and it's ****ing it up. It feels like visiting AA meeting and admitting to everyone about your issues - kinda sad.
I will re-read the first two sections and will give another thought about the questions. Most of them are quite complex.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Tuesday, May 27

*What was done:*
Re-read sections 1 & 2

*Notes:*
I re-read the first two sections in a much calmer manner today. It feels like if i've accepted the fact that i do have SA and that i need treatment.

Also, there was a question in the book that was very hard to answer for me:
_In the situations where you feel social anxious what, do you think, humiliating or embarrassing may happen?_

For me, it feels like i fear criticism about anything that i do. Nothing specific.
I fear competition and i fear to fight for myself. To fight for my true self.

So i adopt a new personality which isn't me and i fear less to get it beaten... <--- this was weird.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Ah, this is a great book.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Awesome progress, and as so often happens when reading this book, insight is coming very quickly for you. Thats coooollll!!!!! Yeh! :banana

Question:

When you say you fear to fight for yourself, do you fear that you will be physically attacked and need to defend yourself, or perhaps that you will say something to cause you to be physically attacked? Or do you fear that somethig will happen to make you angry and that you will feel you must fight, but fear that this will cause you to be rejected? Its an important difference to define at this stage.

Also to add to your diary it may be useful to list your current symptoms - the times, places and situations that make you anxious and what happens when you are in them. That way you have a reference for your progress and others here can see where you are starting. 

Ross


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

AndyLT said:


> Time to start doing something about my issues.
> 
> *My therapy strategy:*
> Recently, i've ordered 4 books recommended by Ross:
> ...


what are the other two books>? are they overcoming social phobia by donald rapee
mind over mood by greenberger? or when panic attacks by david burns? anyways I heard they're good books at least thats what ross said.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> what are the other two books>? are they overcoming social phobia by donald rapee
> mind over mood by greenberger? or when panic attacks by david burns? anyways I heard they're good books at least thats what ross said.


Butler has released a 3 parts (3 books) version of her CBT book. I assume, this "self-help course" edition was improved for self studying.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Awesome progress, and as so often happens when reading this book, insight is coming very quickly for you. Thats coooollll!!!!! Yeh! :banana
> 
> Question:
> 
> ...


Thanks, but i don't see any progress yet. Although i like that i'm finally doing something substantial about my issues. 

It seems that i fear to be physically hurt. Or in other words, i fear the mechanism that runs human behavior. Men were created to dominate others and they will go great lengths to achieve that.
So i found it frustrating to read that CBT is about teaching me that situations i fear are harmless. My goal is to learn to accept the fact that life=risk.

Besides, i added some therapy goals in my first post of this diary. I will keep it updated, thanks for the tip!


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Hi AndyLT, 
Is there any experience you've had that cause you to fear physical harm? Just curious.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
Wednesday, May 28

*What was done:*
- Read Section 3: The different kinds of social anxiety and how common it is

*Notes:*
This section again dealt with definitions. Kinda boring, but i believe it's important.
I also liked that the book says that it's not necessary to know exactly what causes SA in order to be able to change. I really don't feel like i can answer such questions, like: "what do you fear? why do you fear?" properly at the moment.


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

That's cool. When you are experiencing anxiety it is rather hard and non productive to say, "okay, WHY?" Maybe later down the road when you have the Anx under your thumb drawing lines of connection (and then "snipping" them) might be helpful. I'm really impressed with your approach. Hope it's going well!!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

FairleighCalm said:


> Hi AndyLT,
> Is there any experience you've had that cause you to fear physical harm? Just curious.


All fears have their source. So yeah, i've witnessed and experienced quite a lot of physical harm in my life. Gladly, it didn't happen in my family.

Besides being beaten one time seriously for nothing & besides receiving some strikes for nothing (well, i attended Jesuit gymnasium which was considered as an easy target by bullies), i can recall one extremely stressful event when my father was hit by a stranger. I was about 5 years old then and i can feel even now how much pain that night caused me. I remember, i was trying to pull off the aggressor from my father... i was crying and screaming. My father didn't strike back... it felt if something was wrong with the world.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

AndyLT said:


> yeah_yeah_yeah said:
> 
> 
> > Awesome progress, and as so often happens when reading this book, insight is coming very quickly for you. Thats coooollll!!!!! Yeh! :banana
> ...


If you fear HARM then that is not SA - it is rooted in a level of mistrust and the fear that you will be dominated or abused. Thats not a matter of debate - its a matter literally of diagnostic definition.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a fear of being laughed at or rejected - but not dominated or hurt or abused. That is a sign of a deeper problem.

Sorry if this brings things to a grinding halt, but THAT kind of fear is not of harmless things, its of things that can *genuinely hurt you.*

Right now you need to flip to Reinventing Your Life and read the Mistrust and Abuse Lifetrap as you have just bumped up against the thing that kept me stuck for YEARS. *A fear of domination and abuse IS NOT SA.* You should also read the Vulnerability to Harm lifetrap.

Wowwzzz its all moving round here isnt it? Thats how it rolls in the land of recovery dude. This is your next discovery - your next step. You had to make the SA step first, now you have another one.

If this bumps you into "WHAT THE ****???" land then PM me.


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Oh jeeze, I'm sorry you went thru that. So the anxiety could be an overlay of that experience. Brotherly hug :squeeze


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

To yeah_yeah_yeah:
I can't say that your remark was completely unexpected. I kinda felt sometimes that SA fits to me partly or in a different way. But still, i can recognize a lot of SA symptoms inside me. Everything becomes so complex when i dig deeper...

Do you think Butler's therapy would be completely useless for me? I believe, i have a substantial amount of SA that could be analyzed before looking into schemes. I also think, that everything is interconnected and various fears feed each other.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

FairleighCalm said:


> Oh jeeze, I'm sorry you went thru that. So the anxiety could be an overlay of that experience. Brotherly hug :squeeze


Maybe. My father was joking about that event during parties, but my sensitive personality view at it in a different angle.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

AndyLT said:


> To yeah_yeah_yeah:
> I can't say that your remark was completely unexpected. I kinda felt sometimes that SA fits to me partly or in a different way. But still, i can recognize a lot of SA symptoms inside me. Everything becomes so complex when i dig deeper...
> 
> Do you think Butler's therapy would be completely useless for me? I believe, i have a substantial amount of SA that could be analyzed before looking into schemes. I also think, that everything is interconnected and various fears feed each other.


Start at schema level. Read M&A and Vulnerability. Pick up on the work you need to do with those. DONT SKIP THE IMAGERY. Pick up the cognitive work required. There is a note in the book - it says - rightly - that if your M&A schema is very deep that you may well need therapy to get over it. M&A is the harshest schema there is. Sorry to get so serious, but its just the way it is.

Get the schema information. get the plan. See how the insight affects you, see which life-loops you can see yourself performing. However, if your SA symtpoms are currently VERY VERY BAD (like severe bad) then it may be useful to begin with Butler or at least use alongside.

Its hard to say dude. A fear of being hurt is a real indicator of deeper problems, and considering what has happened to you thats not surprising. You were hurt, you did not deserve it. You have been carrying that around for years and it needs to come out and be healed. Butlers book will overcome SA symptoms which can interefere with making changes elsewhere, but it may be that the feelinsg generated by your M&A eclipse anything that may be identified with pure SA.

Start on schema, then see how you feel. If you have M&A or vulnerability, that book WILL change the way you feel - I guarantee it.

And just to pick up on something you said - the most important thing IS to dig deeper. Keep going til you hear the spade go "chank" as it strikes concrete - and then start figuring out how to fill the hole that all the **** you just removed has left.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 04

*What was done:*
Finished university. Was on the last trip with my university peers.

*Notes:*
I'd like to note one thing today - physical symptoms of extreme stress i'm going through in tough social situations:
When anxiety kicks in, my pupils become extremely dilated, areas under eyes become dark, face skin color becomes pale. I sweat a lot and my digestion system shuts down. I've got a few remarks that the "drugs" aren't good for me. I can't blame people for saying this, cause i really looks like a drug-addict sometimes. 
These symptoms confirm that i'm experiencing much more anxiety and stress now than a few years ago.

*New goal added: reduce stress levels in social situations to normal.*


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Try working a chapter at a time, doing the exercises. Dont bob around - just take it in order. Get working with the book and let us know what youre doing!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Try working a chapter at a time, doing the exercises. Dont bob around - just take it in order. Get working with the book and let us know what youre doing!


Yeah, i will get myself back on a planned track tomorrow.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 09

*What was done:*
Finished Section 4: About shyness

*Notes:*
I liked this section. It somehow made me realize that SA _aka_ shyness is only a character treat and not a life defining phenomena.
I will re-read this section tomorrow, because it has some deep insights that deserve another thought.

This section also forced me to admit that i'm doing very little to improve my social skills and i'm doing very little to take charge in my life and make it more enjoyable.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 10

*What was done:*
Re-read sections 3 and 4

*Notes:*
First of all, i have to admit that i'm too selfish in social interactions. I view them as 'war zones' in which i care only about myself. There was a question that i didn't manage to answer:
_Do you fear of appearing rude in social situations?_

To be sincere, i think, sometimes i love to be rude with people.
Though i understand that i have to take care of myself first, i clearly spend too much time occupied with myself while communicating with others. In economics language, i would benefit more if i thought about others more.

It feels like i have very little unique experience in social life to work with. I need to start experimenting.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Now THIS is the kind of deep self honesty and self exploration that will lead to the most significant change! Again - its the shadow elements thing that Gerard mentioned - those bits of the self that are hard to look at, but are sometimes central to the problem. Well done Andy, that could be one of the most significant discoveries you make, but dont punish yourself. If you fear harm, its understandable that you would feel confrontational with others. Being more recpetive to other peoples feelings may just be the opening you need to really change your relationships


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 11

*What was done:*
Finished section 5 - The central role of thinking in social anxiety

*Notes:*
Feeling a bit sad. I never thought of myself as offensive. But the world is so dark sometimes and it's pulling me in... anyways...back to the CBT...

This section was much more challenging. It reminded me Ross posts - the mind goes dizzy when you read them. Lots of brain power is required to fully feel such information. I will definitely re-read this section tomorrow.

The book said, that recalling past images is one way of thinking. It's also a very intense way of shaping one's perceptions and behavior.
When i talk to people, i get a vivid 'outside in' image of myself similar to this:
http://z.about.com/d/banking/1/0/r/scary_eyes.jpg

Seems like the goal is to change this movie in my head to a more pleasant genre.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

> This section was much more challenging. *It reminded me Ross posts *- the mind goes dizzy when you read them. Lots of brain power is required to fully feel such information. I will definitely re-read this section tomorrow.


LOL!!! :lol :rofl

Thanks ... I think!!!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> LOL!!! :lol :rofl
> 
> Thanks ... I think!!!


Yeah, i meant it in a good way.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 12

*What was done:*
Re-read section 5

*Notes:*
I'm in a re-reading process now and i'd like to pinpoint one idea from the book:
_What you pay attention to affects what gets into your mind. <..> When we are socially anxious we can become painfully aware of our-selves._
Now that is interesting. SA=attention. No SA=controlled attention? I hope the book will teach me how to regulate my attention spotlight. Or how to switch attention from 'outside-in' mode to 'inside-out' mode.

Ok, the book claims that the thoughts generate in a mechanism called beliefs/assumptions. It seems, that i valuate myself pretty well - my beliefs about myself are quite positive. BUT... my beliefs about others are really dark. It sounds selfish and has a flavor of narcissism. But as i remember from Psychology classes, the majority of people tend to valuate themselves better...

And the greatest part of this section: thoughts and images in our heads don't affect us. The meaning we assign to them affect us.
Dizzy... :eyes


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 13

*What was done:*
Finished section 6: Where does social anxiety come from?

*Notes:*
This section gave me a nice sense of comfort... We are all human beings... We all want to fit in, we all want support from others, but we are all cursed by the need to succeed.

Yeah... SA seems so surreal now.
[youtube:20ufxrhm]



[/youtube:20ufxrhm]


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Its interesting to see how the information is comforting you and giving you insight. That was exactly how I found it, and some of the insight alone was enough to make small changes in me. Carrying that forward to applied action then made it easier. Im glad you are getting a lot from the book so far!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Notes:*
One guy from the school times just called me and offered to meet. I agreed to play some pool with him tomorrow.

But after making this decision, i felt anxious. This guy is kinda pushy and ignorant. He has a 'tank' personality. He suffers a lot for such character treats, but this is who he is.

I look at this meeting as experiment and my aims for it are:
- Don't try to be witty/talkative/funny/etc. to get approval from this guy.
- Try to express my inner self.
- Try to be assertive if any kind of confrontation happens.
- 50/50 rule: i give 50 but i demand 50 too. If this ain't gonna happen, i have more interesting stuff to do.

When i think about it, i really don't fear physical harm from this guy. He has never been in a good physical shape and he's not aggressive physically.

But i fear criticism and verbal confrontations. He's the guy that will put you down on every possible occasion.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hi Andy

Yupz thats definitely your mistrust and abuse elements coming in there, so the two are mixed in. Its possible the guy wont be rude at all. If you just go with the 'being natural' thing its possible that you wont give him any 'foil' off which to bounce insulting comments ... but yeah I still think that M&A is a separate issue for you. Sounds like you are achieving great insight though which is awesome!

I am not giving you a kiss. You can have one of these :hs


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hi Andy
> 
> Yupz thats definitely your mistrust and abuse elements coming in there, so the two are mixed in. *Its possible the guy wont be rude at all.* If you just go with the 'being natural' thing its possible that you wont give him any 'foil' off which to bounce insulting comments ... but yeah I still think that M&A is a separate issue for you. Sounds like you are achieving great insight though which is awesome!
> 
> I am not giving you a kiss. You can have one of these :hs


That's true. I will do my best to give him a fair chance of showing his tender side. Maybe we can be friends if i don't put any labels at first? People change...

But, of course, this has to go hand to hand with assertiveness. How can he know my boundaries if i don't reveal them? His nature makes it harder for him to pick such info from details, so i have to make him a favor and claim openly about my limits.

Do you agree with this? In relationships, one of the most important things is to clearly define ourselves and our expectations?


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

But i want to stress the importance of balance.
The power is in me to seek for this balance. I can pro-actively defend not only mine needs, but show that i care about others' needs too...

How to do this? Think actively about other people...

At the moment is sounds like the key to all problems...


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

The thing is your needs dont need 'defending' - there is no attack on them. All you need to do is ask for them to be met ... not demanded, not fought for, not defended, taken, stolen ... yes its about balance but you are still viewing the world through the lens of scarcity, abuse, haves and have-nots, victims and oppressors ... and that is M&A showing itself.

But yes, giving to others is important. The problem is that at this stage, if you give to others and are EXPECTING something back every time, you will be disappointed. You will still be thinking that your rights must be bargained for. Youre going well with the SA stuff, but try to observe when any idea of attack, defence, strength , weakness, loss or gain comes in. Read the chapter on M&A - it will take you about half an hour, but will aid your awareness hugely. This stuff is seriously going to interfere with when you come to writing the daily diairies otherwise!


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> The thing is your needs dont need 'defending' - there is no attack on them. All you need to do is ask for them to be met ... not demanded, not fought for, not defended, taken, stolen ... yes its about balance but you are still viewing the world through the lens of scarcity, abuse, haves and have-nots, victims and oppressors ... and that is M&A showing itself.


It's like telling me... stop believing in evolution while i have all the facts supporting it laid out in front of me.

I don't think that my social lenses will change dramatically. I even don't want it to happen - i like to look at the world as it is. My goal is to change my reactions about this world and to learn how to be more effective in it.



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> The problem is that at this stage, if you give to others and are EXPECTING something back every time, you will be disappointed.


I don't see this as a problem. If a guy is too selfish to meet my needs even after i've taken care of his... time to move on. 
Of course, it's very complex stuff. But i just wanted to stress that i have the power to initiate the relationships by being sensitive to others' needs first...

I will read M/A section tomorrow. Today is very unproductive.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

> It's like telling me... stop believing in evolution while i have all the facts supporting it laid out in front of me


And THAT is how powerful a schema is. It will help you find the evidence where there is none. It will make you choose the kind of people who are abusive. It will make you behave in ways that actually BRING the abuse to your door.

I cant break it by posting to you - major changes have to happen - started by you - before there is change. M&A often needs the help of a therapist to alter. You cannot understand this until you FEEL it.

What happens when the other guy doesnt realise you just did something for him? What are these things you are going to do? What if doesnt see it as a major thing? You will begin testing people to see if they are worthy of you - yet another typical M&A influenced behaviour.

I know none of this is what you want hear, and in fact maybe the SA work will begin to peel back some of your M&A issues as well .... but you just need to be aware. Thats all I'm saying.

HOWEVER - breaking the sense of being selfish and giving more IS AN AWESOME STEP. Its the one that started my recovery off, so dont take my words too badly. Sorry if I have made you angry, you are working very hard and I respect that hugely


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Ok, i'm starting not to get what my aims are. 

You say, that my aim is to realize that i can choose to live with people who are only supportive, collaborative and friendly? I think, that there are no such perfect folks out there.

And i don't believe that people will abuse/attack me for no reasons. But i think that humanity is run by social hierarchy system. Competition is hard-wired into us.

This means, that every single individual is trying to get above others by any possible means. This is what i fear - being stepped on. This fear may have come from previous relations where i was pushed to the limits, because i wasn't defending myself at all.

So now i overreact to lots of stuff. Yeah, i want to restore a normal level of trust and safety in social situations. But i want to learn how to stand for myself too.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

You may wish to look up the "Social Rank Mentality" and the "Affiliative" Mentality. The former is most commonly observed in those who have experienced trauma.

By all means continue with the SA work, you may well overcome your feelings of anxiety. But the issues surrounding your relationships will still remain. You will still feel distant from people and be waiting for that moment when they betray you.

The reason why my words seem so far from the truth is because you have been living it, and placing yourself in situations that further your belief in it. Again my words alone will not convince you, so I must leave you to your entrenched beliefs - as this is normally the point where discussion dissolves into argument.

Deep emotional change cannot be effected by words. Words only show you a door, but if you choose not to suspend your belief even for a moment and try stepping through that door, then there is nothing more words can do.

I have stepped through the door and I cannot describe how different the world is beginning to look. But it doesnt matter how much I tell you that - you can dismiss it in any way you choose. 

Emotional problems come from the subconscious. The conscious mind is weak compared to it. I read an interesting quote about the way the subconscious can hurt us ...

"How can you see the tiger which has already consumed you?"


----------



## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

This thread is great reading.

Thanks for sharing.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

too complex for me to comprehend at the moment


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

:lol thats what andy said ...


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Notes:*
So yesterday i was at a party and applied this thinking pattern:
- Do my best to feel that all people in the party are as one. I tried very hard to believe that we came to enjoy our wholeness as a group. I tried to change my identity from "i" to "we".
- And only after that i spent some time to protect myself.

It went pretty smoothly. I mean, i really don't care how it went.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Back on track. 

*Date:*
June 23

*What was done:*
Re-read section 6: Where does social anxiety come from?

*Notes:*
First of all, i like this section's idea, that without practice you can't beat SA. I really do lack practice and when i think about it, i've setup various distractions in my life to keep myself from socializing. I hope that with my new planning technique, i'll manage to remove these obstacles and will give myself much more opportunities to practice.

Also, i liked the explanation of what SA is. SA usually starts from the negative event in the past, but what keeps it fueled are our thinking flaws. As i understand, Schema therapy is designed to tackle those past events and CBT is for beating our mind flaws. I made a little graph to illustrate this:

And i agree that the vicious cycle (reinforced anxious thoughts) are much more damaging than the events in the past.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Correct, though schema tends to deal with chronic repeated events that happened when you were VERY young, like 0-5, and a schema affects EVERY area of your life and just about every relationship in the same way. You find yourself repeating the same cycle of relationship problem throughout your life. CBT is aimed at the more acute symtpoms in discrete areas eg chronic social anxiety in social and work situations.

I like the piccie - thats a nice reminder. Learning what forms that vicious cycle is the most liberating, but difficult to accept at a gut level, principle.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

*Date:*
June 24
*
What was done:*
Read half of section 7: Explaining social anxiety?

*Notes:*
What i read could be contracted into one sentence: "Trying too much reduces the chance of success". Or "Trying to avoid the problem is the cause of the problem".

The book claims that such thinking cycles need to be destroyed if you want to be healed. I really hope that it will show me a way of how to do it. I am aware of my own cycles but i don't have any idea how to break them. :um


----------

