# Why is the user above you still single?



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she is very young.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

because girls are intimidated by his hotness


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

Doesn't know how to spell favorite.

And this: 


monotonous said:


> i begin to like kids just recently


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

He's a potential child rapist seeing as he looked up that post specifically.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

Monotony said:


> He's a potential child rapist.


he does have pedo characteristics..

to Monotony: because people thought you were me


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

You guys crossed the line, i was just joking:teeth


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

because people think he's serious when he's joking


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because you didn't pick up on him not picking up on it.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

b/c potential arsonist/murder.

Lol I should make a thread. Take something the previous user wrote out of context.



Monotony said:


> barricade all exits and burn the house.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because you don't realize women love those types.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Geez, you two, get a room!!


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Captain Obvious.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

bad person, bad face, bad personality, bad smell

Just a start ...


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

The Messy hair


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

the monotony


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Broke gravity


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Doesn't have a cat icon


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Lives too far away to see anybody
Dat location


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus shes a glass child = way too fragile ^_^


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## gamingpup (Jul 10, 2013)

Cause no one wants to date a monkey we just want to watch them O_O


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

Because he's That awkward guy.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Because he doesn't have a static location.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

brony


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

hates funny pics and gifs


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

I don't know. 

Some sort of obscure obsession with insect life?


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## Derailing (Jul 10, 2013)

Because he's a starving writer with no income!


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

A truck ran over his face, that's why.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

^ Penis too big, might kill someone.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

too beautiful, blinds on sight


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

^ Too busy venturing into Mordor to destroy the ring.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

too busy venturing into *** play destroying his own ring


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he's obsessed with gunner21.


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

B/c she loves her cats and dews more than she could ever love me! :3


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because she does not love cats enough.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus she lives in a land far far away


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## Strawberry Jam (Jul 14, 2013)

He's too funky


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Has a giant caboose that creates a gravity well on all nearby objects morphing people's faces into hideous contortions


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## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Just can't keep his mouth shut.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

Doesn't allow people to PM her.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

An unfortunate case of Frostbite.


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMrFunnyPants (Apr 1, 2013)

Monotomy wears clothes that make his Labia look fat


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## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Frostbite said:


> Doesn't allow people to PM her.


Hey someone noticed :clap Sorry about that, I had some weird **** happen with guys from this forum on my other account.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Too awesomely out of everyone's league, for no man is fit to touch the hem of her garment. They must be content with only unnoticed shy glances.


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

Intimidates everyone with that Assassins Creed hood.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Banned because illegal


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Is too crazy... like a fox! :yes


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

because he lives in florida.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Because his biggest hobby is being lazy.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

He is lost again.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Is a Little too picky (His Turn Off: You) :lol


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

He is afraid if he gets rejected he might shatter.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

Too sinful.


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## NormalLad (Nov 1, 2012)

Cause he looks like zac efron


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

because he always loses hope just as he gains it back


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Borders on radical feminism :stu (no offense)


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Wears nerdy glasses.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

Poses as Jesus


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

frostbitten penis


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

His penis apparently had a pyrotechnics accident.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

As a god, he has no time for relationships.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Lives in a country inhabited solely by bats.

Also yep being a God is terrible


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Monotony said:


> Lives in a country inhabited solely by bats.
> 
> Also yep being a God is terrible


What did you say about bats?


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Probably lost faith.


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

Being a bat lover has made her far too sensitive

Edit: Single for posting before other people.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because 100km is apparently a long drive :teeth


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Being Bored


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Monotony said:


> Because 100km is apparently a long drive :teeth


 You son of a-!!! :twak
:haha


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he won't put some gas in his car and go for 2 hour drive :lol


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Monotony said:


> Because he won't put some gas in his car and go for 2 hour drive :lol


 It would be 3 hour minimum! :doh I also suffer various forms of anxiety if you weren't aware! :b


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## losteternal (Apr 1, 2013)

Hes too young and too cool for comitment.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

losteternal said:


> Hes too young and too cool for comitment.


 Mainly too cool


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## NormalLad (Nov 1, 2012)

Is re arranged


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## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

He's too shy a boy.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Should get rid of Mean Cat.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Because he is an outcast livin' in the danger zone. :b


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Because he's a Jehova's witness


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he uses German usernames.


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

because cats are ugly :lol, sorry don't kill me for saying that.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

/kills you

Glacticsenator is still single because he writes off bugs as features.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Too busy making quality treads like this one.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Matty is single because I cannot tell whether he's being sarcastic or not.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Raeden is single because she is easily confused. 

(I was being sarcastic, seems like a fun thread)


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Because Huskies are too lovable stealing away the attention from the owner !


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Der Ubermensch said:


> Because he's a Jehovah's witness


Haha!

In all seriousness, the pentagram on my avatars shirt should be a dead giveaway that I am not a Jehovah's Witness or an overly religious person. 

"Goes and buys himself a copy of the Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey"


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Cause he's "still thinking" about his orientation.. :lol


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

because his hairstyle is too awesome


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

ItsEasierToRun said:


> Cause he's "still thinking" about his orientation.. :lol


:lol


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus u dont even lift braaa


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Too funky.


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

Because you live in a dangerous place


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Because everyone is afraid of your cutting words


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Because people are scared of bats...


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

Because your poems about weapons


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

because shes 7 years old


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

Because the gravity seems to be drunk wherever you are


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Because you are way to creative.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Because it's just a dog.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because that could potentially carry legal consequences.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he needs to take more chances.


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Her bow is too cute. o_o


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Everyone knows that gingers have no souls.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she never makes her bed.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he doesn't appreciate how sexy an unmade bed is.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Because Canada is a cold and deserted place.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Because I haven't showed up to change her lightbulb yet~


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he has chronic halitosis.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

He doesn't know the power of the stash


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because facial hair is disgusting.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she's absolutely insane


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he doesn't know the way to a woman's heart.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Doesn't realize it's either through the ribcage behind each breast or through the sternum between them, or I suppose you could reach it through their back as well if you wanted to get all fancy.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Takes everything too literally.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Doesn't take things literally enoguh


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Doesn't realize that some things simply are not meant to be taken literally


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Doesn't realize I created the universe solely for cats to have somewhere to live.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he is very argumentative.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

wordscancutyoulikeglass said:


> Because your poems about weapons


It is from a song haha!


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he has earbuds in, so he can't hear when people hit on him.


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## Ryude (Jul 16, 2013)

Raeden said:


> Because he has earbuds in, so he can't hear when people hit on him.


Because she refuses to drink the koolaid and get a man.


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## jc90 (Jun 24, 2013)

Because he resembles Mister Clean. Women can't handle his cleanness.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

^ Has no avatar or profile information.. :|


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## vanilla90 (Jun 22, 2010)

Because 'ItsEasierToRun' than to get a girlfriend.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because Strawberry milkshakes and icecreams and everything else is much better than vanilla ones  
OM NOM NOM :yes


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Because he obsesses over monkeys too much!


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## deesonjame (Mar 10, 2013)

Too young.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because his username is Sin which is pretty Mathematical?? 

I don't know x)


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## deesonjame (Mar 10, 2013)

Because she is a misfit toy.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because she allows him to sell drugs to babies but doesn't try and stawp ittt xD


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

B/c he's married! :teeth


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## Arthur Pendragon (Mar 17, 2013)

Because nobody can spell her ****ing name right.


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## Des Esseintes (Jul 22, 2013)

Because he can't spell.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Because his signature is so damn long, who's gonna read that. Geez.


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## StrangePeaches (Sep 8, 2012)

because he has 11 toes


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Cause shes darn strange.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

cus he has nearly 9k posts which makes da girls Jelly xD 
(Omg just realised I reached over 2k posts wooooot) ^_^


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

In need of a wax. People are too judgmental of monkeys.


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## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

Hes got dog breath. Smells like hes been into the kitty litter box again.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Heart is tooooo big. and is too amazing!

(havent seen you in years )


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Because SA.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because judging by his avatar he's into little girls.


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## alieneyed (Jul 3, 2013)

Because judging by his avatar, he's into bestiality.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she doesn't realize that humans are animals thus women are beasts. :lol


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

'Cos of the moustache.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

cuz they have no heart :teeth


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## enjo (Sep 20, 2011)

Because her heart is full of darkness.


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## Downtheroad (Jul 20, 2013)

Too busy staring at clouds to listen to anyone


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Judging by his status, he's into some really weird ****.. :shock



NoHeart said:


> 'Cos of the moustache.


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## Downtheroad (Jul 20, 2013)

He runs at the sight of women.

I may or may not have fallen out of my chair laughing at that gif.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

lives way too far down the road. like really really far down the road. seriously cant even quantify the road farness, its blowing my mind right now.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he thinks he is Jesus Christ.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

because people think hes a girl


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he dresses to submissively.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

because hes tannasg


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because his Mom keeps him on a tight reign.


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## Freiya (Jul 13, 2013)

because girls get jealous that everyone goes to him


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she dances with her eyes closed.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because he flies around on clouds and smites the haters with lightening which scares some girls but attracts others! (But they cant reach him cus hes in da skyyyyy) #TrueStory


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Because no one is brave enough to join in with the type of BDSM associated with his mask.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Because he is spending time on this thread and forum instead of picking up some chicks.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he is related to Count Dracula.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he doesn't appreciate vampires.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Her cats are actually Cthulu Spawn and they ward off any possible suitors at a moments notice, unbeknownst to her...


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

Well having your wings torn off and being thrown into a pit can make it hard to attract people.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

The user above me, Corvus Cowl, likes shy women. He is shy himself. Therefore he is unlikely to make the first move; and the woman he likes is also unlikely to make the first move. So basically he is waiting on a situation where he is on (for example) a train, and the train brakes down. And he and shy girl are stuck together for several hours. Eventually he or shy girl make a remark. The other laughs at it. They get to talking about the situation. What happens next is not suitable for children under the ages of 18, and this is a family website.


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## CristianNC (Jun 24, 2012)

typemismatch is single because Scottish women have no idea what they're doing and can't handle a real man!


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Cos' he doesn't have a signature, like wtf?


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Because blond avatar.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Raeden said:


> Because he has earbuds in, so he can't hear when people hit on him.


:lol


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

cuz his avatar creeps me out


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

'cos no pics, gimme something to work with here.


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## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Because he smokes. Eww....


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he is a finicky Fin.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he spends too much time on SAS, so no girls ever even see him.


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## Gus954 (Jul 25, 2013)

Because she is hiding outside my window too scared to ask me out


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because no girl feel that he loves them enough because he doesn't care enough to stand right outside their window.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Crazy cat lady, nuff said.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Dislikes crazy cat women.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Cats can't date..


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Are you _sure_ about that??

Lol kidding, but doesnt wait for the guys chasing after her to catch up so they can ask her on a date.


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## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

Users Not too sure of herself


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Because she doesn't smile


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Dismisses everyone that is'nt fond of her right away


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because she's turned off by selfishness, but everyone's at least a little selfish.

@BeingofGlass 
Because he posted faster than me!


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Because she does'nt give me more kitteeehs! >.<


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he has a picture of himself without a shirt. ._.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he doesn't share his tea! >_<

@raeden because she's such a fast poster. It's too much to handle lol


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Damn, did'nt crop the pic high enough? that needs fixing. 

Pandabearx is single because she's not singing songs all the way through.. criminal ._.


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## holyfires (Jul 27, 2013)

Beingofglass is still single because he can't put a fruit pastille in his mouth without chewing it.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because her username is contradicting!


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because her username is redundant.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Because she hides outside our windows. Always watching. Like a female peeping-tom...


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Because he is fierce.


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## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

He's too nice


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Is too mean


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he's delusional and believes everyday is Friday.


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Is too picky


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Reads Harry Potter.


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Likes to be alone :O


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Ewwwww he's ugly


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## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

No swag


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because swag


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Prefers foxes


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## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Has a deathly figure


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Is a console


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## holyfires (Jul 27, 2013)

Because he's in Canada.


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## batman can (Apr 18, 2007)

People are afraid of her star.

I'm not single so I guess this thread is officially done, sorry.


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## Des Esseintes (Jul 22, 2013)

He has a make believe girlfriend. And he thinks he's batman. And he's from Canada.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he lives in the Glades with the gators.


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## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Because he is "Not looking".


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

too promiscuous


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## zounou (Jul 13, 2013)

Because she can't smile


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## zounou (Jul 13, 2013)

this thread updates really fast


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

too slow


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

duckface


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## simbo (Dec 31, 2012)

^ has no heart


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## loneranger (Dec 29, 2012)

He seems to be a special person like people on here are. On his profile, he sounds like somebody I would hang out with. There is nothing wrong been single.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Cause he's a lone ranger.. His username would be redundant if he was with someone :lol


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

He's too busy running :b


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## nml (Jan 21, 2012)

she's a fussy eater


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Doesn't like fussy eaters


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he set his dating status to "hopelessly in love".


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Because she has the odd ability to solve differential equations while talking to me. :3


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because... she mentioned math *abort*



Raeden said:


> Because he set his dating status to "hopelessly in love".


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he's a alien :b


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she's pepper spray happy :afr :hide


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he doesn't like math. o.o


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because she's a stalker :O


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she could learn a thing or two from stalkers :teeth


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

b/c there's too many fish is the sea
why get tied down to "one"


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Dude you're a stalker too! Lol

@saltyleaf b/c she's too busy dancing


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because apparently I'm a stalker :sus


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because of his God Complex.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because of her destroying it


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

because he is a fox going after humans


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## KingoftheRing (May 30, 2013)

Because he's too nice.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus if hes the king of the ring he could be challenged at anytime for the title and girls cant live with that dispense!! xD


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## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Because he has an odd fascination with rings.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because her username implies that she Fell from heaven, the ground probably didn't take kindly to that... :lol


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he laughs at his own bad jokes.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

He doesn't know a good joke when he sees one.


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## kittyxbabe (Oct 7, 2012)

Because he's delusional enough to believe he's a fox


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she's one to talk what with the thinking she's a kitty and all. :lol

Better not have voted liberal in any of those by-elections that took place today... er 2am yesterday :wife


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he's _not_ a stalker. His potential mates don't feel loved!


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

I may not be a stalker but I am a private investigator.

Because she's not a deity of Esoteric knowledge.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he spend most of his time gaming.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he spends most of his time arguing with otherside and chanty


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he is considering becoming ordained.


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus he uses words like ordained which some ppl cant understand xD


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Cause he's just too damn funky! :b No one can handle that much funk! :lol


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he keeps running from it.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Monotony said:


> Because he keeps running from it.


Cause he spends all his time trolling people's conversations on SAS :b

(Everyone uses my username as a reason, it's getting old) >.<


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he spends too much time on Jimmy's farm.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because this Jimmy guy sounds sketchy


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Because Arctic foxes are better.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she plays in the water all day.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he stalks her


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he only finds anime girls attractive.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he lies, and should ask fallen18 about how that's not true :lol


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## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Too smexy for anyone.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus its Friday which means hes too happy


----------



## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

He already has a banana, no need for relationships. 
(OT: can i borrow it, please?)


----------



## shadeguy (Mar 28, 2013)

Ran out of cookies.


----------



## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

because he's a shady guy.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he wears a paper bag on his head with a sad face on it.


----------



## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Is a feminist :troll


----------



## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Making profane hand gestures.


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Because he stays isolated


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

slurps when he drinks and crunches too loudly when he eats.


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Likes too many cartoons


----------



## App (Jun 28, 2013)

Coz he hasn't met an Irish girl!


----------



## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Cause ur name is too short.


----------



## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

Cos hes in the danger zone, the friend zone's scary cousin.


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he's too awesome.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because geography doesn't like her :lol


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Hes a Singularity


----------



## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

^ from Canada. Nuff said.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

^ Not Canadian


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Likes the smell of dead foxes.


----------



## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

^Forgot that having a bad memory will not make you happy.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Prefers dragonflies to men.


----------



## thebadshepard (Oct 13, 2012)

because he's not looking


----------



## Greenleaf62 (Aug 1, 2013)

Because he's too far away. The restaurant at the end of the universe...why would anyone travel that far?


----------



## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Because she is too sexy for any man.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

It's too costly for him.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he's too cheap.


----------



## JadedJade (Feb 12, 2013)

Too many bad memories...


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she runs from cliff racers


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

He constantly has dinosaur swarm parties...


----------



## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

^ Because of the Seattle freeze. Why else?


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Lives in a old castle by the edge of the sea in Ireland


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Doesn't like old "spooky" castles by the shore.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Dislikes spiders


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she is too obsessed with me.


----------



## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Spends too much time on the Internet (looks at post count)


----------



## newusernamethatdoesntexi (Jun 15, 2013)

Seems like you might be unstable. :blank 

Do your worst.


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

B/c he doesn't like unstable and should know usually everyone is, at one point in their life, unstable.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she is very shy.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because he likes shy girls but hes too shy to talk to them and their too shy to talk to him ^_^


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because no one can handle his awesomeness and the onesie power! \(^_^)/


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she weighs the same as a witch! :afr


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

What are you talking about? Lol because he speaks nonsense :b


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

She thinks I speak nonsense that's why :roll :lol


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

I *know* you speak nonsense.


----------



## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

^Because she hasn't pressed play yet.


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

I'm getting to it! Lol but b/c she's apparently a froggy who lives in Ireland (lucky btw it's gorgeous there)


----------



## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Because she still believes in fairy tales...


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he doesn't know life _is_, basically, a giant fairy tale full of silliness and sadness.


----------



## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

Because she scorns the froggies, but you never know, one could be a handsome prince(ss).


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

I don't scorn the froggies I saved one yesterday. :3 but b/c she keeps secrets and may in fact be a princess.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Interrupts frogs playing real life frogger


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Has an abundance of ear and nasal hair that tickles anyone that gets close to her.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Doesn't like to be tickled


----------



## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Won't respond to visitor messages XD


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she only has eyes for me.


----------



## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Because he _definitely_ has a bad memory


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she won't conform to her own expectations.


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he needs to give Lishers more space.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she prefers cats.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he doesn't know how to sake the dragon


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he has confused gaming with real life.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because He is in denial that I am god and reality it what I make it.


----------



## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Cause he cant grammar :teeth


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

He can't stop running from a starter pokemon.


----------



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Because canadian foxes get no play


----------



## Slippin Jimmy (Jun 15, 2013)

Because he's a dwarf? :stu


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he's debating on whether or not to steal your bike :b


----------



## losteternal (Apr 1, 2013)

Cos Pandas are not into all that.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she is afraid of Essex men.


----------



## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Because he has way to many people going to him.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Is secretly an ultimate time lord of the universe.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she needs more stalking experience, she's wrong I think I'm a good enough stalker to pick up on something like that. :lol


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

^Plain and simple.... hobby is stalking people ( mostly me ).


----------



## HappyFriday (Jul 21, 2013)

^ Is a wolf.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Reveals people's secret identities....


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she is an angel in waiting.


----------



## AngelFallen (Jun 2, 2013)

Oh you!
Says too many sweet nothings


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus shes an angel so shes too perfect for any earthlings  ^_^


----------



## CristianNC (Jun 24, 2012)

Because he's funky, easy one.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he's obsessed with a puzzle.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she lives on a remote tropical island surrounded by dangerous reefs.


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Is too wanted he doesn't know who to pick


----------



## Camelleone (Feb 3, 2011)

there's a pretty girl secretly have crush on him, but he doesn't know it yet


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she secretly dislikes men.


----------



## nml (Jan 21, 2012)

because he knows too much about the reasons people are single


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he likes being the lone wolf too much.


----------



## Username02 (Apr 13, 2012)

Because he's a bum.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he is a sterile dwarf.


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because his display picture is boring.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she has a collection of pictures of all the sasers that post them.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he can't read the profiles on dating websites.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he's the real-life, male version of Drew Berrymore in _50 First Dates_.


----------



## nml (Jan 21, 2012)

because she's seen 50 First Dates


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he's sad and isolated.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she is two posts away from the number of the devil


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

His jealous and possessive black cat secretly sucks the breath out of anyone who dares come near him.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she sweats too much.


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

tannasg said:


> Because she sweats too much.


 hahaha! who ratted me out??? FINE! it's HUMID here! HUMID, i tell you!!!! so... your turn.... tannasg is actually not single, but doesn't know it because, despite his good health and perpetually happy state, he has a terrible memory


----------



## eacao (Jul 5, 2013)

Because she's _so_ damned attractive that guys are too timid to approach her.


----------



## el kanguro (Jul 5, 2013)

because he observes by watching


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

kangaroo herpes


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

eacao said:


> Because she's _so_ damned attractive that guys are too timid to approach her.


awwww, eacao, you're so sweet! :blush mwah!



farfegnugen said:


> kangaroo herpes


farfegnugen -- misspells german words, fails to impress the fräuleins.


----------



## hdth (Jun 12, 2013)

because she speaks german on an english thread


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because he speaks American on an English forum.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he enjoys monotony.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because all in all she prefers her own company.


----------



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Because he's too much of a sexy beast for the ladies!


----------



## shadeguy (Mar 28, 2013)

Got tired after a love triangle went wrong


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

shadeguy said:


> Got tired after a love triangle went wrong


 absence of signature


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus his name is blue which girls dont usually like  If u was called Pink or red u'd be fine tho ^_^


----------



## Diáfanos (Feb 3, 2011)

cuz he has a sweaty back and can never keep his hands off himself


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

LIIIIIIES lolol

and cus he likes me but hes in denialllll


----------



## Diáfanos (Feb 3, 2011)

has 2 many onesies and an obsession for it, he hardly finds the time to be in a committed relationship.


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

^ Too strong for ze ladies. I heard he benches 'bout treefiddy.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

^
Has a onesie on the way which means hes abouts to start up his own onesie collection! ^_^ 

YEP one always leads to more :teeth

Dam I got beat loool 

- Cus he beats others to posting xD and cus he has gun in his name  (And cus his avatar is a scary version of Barney the dinosaur)


----------



## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

^No one trusts monkeys...


----------



## Hersheyfan98 (Jan 2, 2013)

^ hes always saving someone else xP


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Because she stole my Hersheys cookies n cream bar :wife


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he won't share his stash.


----------



## Azador (Sep 4, 2012)

Because he has a treatment-resistant STD.


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

He discovered my prototype nanite virus.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

^
Cus he has a nanite virus which girls dont wna catch


----------



## hdth (Jun 12, 2013)

because he spends his time thinking about funky monkeys instead of girls


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because his name is too hard to pronunce xD


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Cuz it's tricky gettin' in and outta those onesies! :b


----------



## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Because she is on my friends list, but I can't recall when or why


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because he doesnt realise how awsome charmedone is :yes xD


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

markwalters2 said:


> ^ from Canada. Nuff said.


:no


----------



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Because he really doesn't know where he lives?? Are you lost sweetie?


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

You know what they say about Texas.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

^ Thinks every1 knows what they say about ppl who live in texas 

All I think of is: 
That they all wear cowboy hats and spiked shoes :teeth


----------



## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Wears onesies, nuff said.

(I'm not really single, but I just wanted to comment on funky's lack of a partner).


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because shes mean to me!!! :cry <3<3


----------



## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Cause he's a damn dirty ape.


----------



## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Because he ****ed up the Statue of Liberty.


----------



## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

demands cookies.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

They are too many feminists that refuse to date men in Sweden ( according to Arnie's posts)


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Is a rockaholic that wants a new girl everyday xD


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Needs to move back to the jungle.


----------



## Downtheroad (Jul 20, 2013)

Takes fashion advice from The Rollingstone


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because his Idol is the 40 year old virgin.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

married to his work as a hand model


----------



## hdth (Jun 12, 2013)

because he lives in an imaginary town


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he lives under a bridge.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

He is too busy catching crocodiles and snakes.


----------



## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

^Is already married to his guitar :b


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus he didnt reply to my game inv on VM!!! xD


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Too busy playing games with dudes to bother.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

He sleeps too much.


----------



## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

No one's got time to climb a mountain to see him


----------



## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

She's far too busy tripping


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

He's too busy boring God.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Too busy floating in magical mountain mist ^_^


----------



## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Because he's in my mouth!


----------



## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

Because he is obviously a nerd who has to grow balls and stop making himself look bad, if you are hurt you shouldn't put it out there and clearly he has no strong opinion of himself by writing things such as saying he is just a random guy with bad attributes. Not saying you can't say that but by putting this in your profile, it shows a lot about what you think of yourself, low self esteem, hurt, writing silly stuff in pink... 

Turns on, cookies and Dr. Pepper?...Yeah pretty much.


----------



## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Lol, because the kid takes things too seriously and likes to bash people. :lol


----------



## Twinkiesex (Apr 12, 2013)

He has a tattoo of Barbra Streisand on his back.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Waiting for the ghost of Kurt Cobain


----------



## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

because he doesn't want to be a double person (i'm so funny)



Kakumbus said:


> Because he is obviously a nerd who has to grow balls and stop making himself look bad, if you are hurt you shouldn't put it out there and clearly he has no strong opinion of himself by writing things such as saying he is just a random guy with bad attributes. Not saying you can't say that but by putting this in your profile, it shows a lot about what you think of yourself, low self esteem, hurt, writing silly stuff in pink...
> 
> Turns on, cookies and Dr. Pepper?...Yeah pretty much.


i think this post shows why you're still single


----------



## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Does not like cookies.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Nunuc said:


> Because he's in my mouth!


LOL for those that didnt see the other thread thats gna look #Inappropriate :teeth xD



Lish3rs said:


> Does not like cookies.


Cus she wont accept my marriage proposal :cry


----------



## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

Nunuc said:


> Lol, because the kid takes things too seriously and likes to bash people. :lol


More like I actually take the time to say something valuable rather then just go with the usual "lololol, cause he's dumb" no wonder so many people on this website post threads asking why they are still single.


----------



## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

Kakumbus said:


> More like I actually take the time to say something valuable rather then just go with the usual "lololol, cause he's dumb" no wonder so many people on this website post threads asking why they are still single.


this is the "just for fun" section, genius. besides what you said wasn't valuable at all... just rude and demeaning. why don't you go post your "valuable" advice in the frustration section?


----------



## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

MrQuiet76 said:


> this is the "just for fun" section, genius. besides what you said wasn't valuable at all... just rude and demeaning. why don't you go post your "valuable" advice in the frustration section?


Way to take things too seriously, it's too bad you can't find fun in it.


----------



## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

Kakumbus said:


> Way to take things too seriously, it's too bad you can't find fun in it.


it's too bad your posts on this thread were about as funny as a migraine


----------



## Nunuc (Jul 9, 2013)

Because Moon is a lonely place, and Andy Kaufman is dead.



Kakumbus said:


> More like I actually take the time to say something valuable rather then just go with the usual "lololol, cause he's dumb" no wonder so many people on this website post threads asking why they are still single.


Stop derailing this thread, bambino. If you got a problem with me or yourself or anything, hit me with a PM, it's better than derailing here. :rub
This is the "Just for Fun" section, and this thread is not one of those threads about being lonely/single you see in "Frustration", not saying there's anything wrong with those kind of threads.


----------



## newusernamethatdoesntexi (Jun 15, 2013)

MrQuiet76 said:


> i think this post shows why you're still single


Awe, I feel bad for him now. I think everyone is single because they lack compassion for other people.


----------



## NormalLad (Nov 1, 2012)

Cause he abbreviates phrases lol


----------



## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

too young, shy etc. lives in wrong location.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he prefers online girls.


----------



## NormalLad (Nov 1, 2012)

Because i'm too nervous to ask him out xc


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

because he thinks the toad in his avatar can fly ^_^


----------



## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

Because he is unable to mate with human females.


----------



## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Because he's saving himself for his future wife, Kat Dennings.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

cause he's a shy boring drifter...:wife..:hide


----------



## CristianNC (Jun 24, 2012)

Irish, probably drinks too much. (Sorry for the stereotype! I don't actually believe in those things.)


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

cus hes hating on the cute lil leprechauns


----------



## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

He is too cute


----------



## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

She's too sexy for my shirt :b


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

da Vinci stole his woman


----------



## NormalLad (Nov 1, 2012)

Cause he's too sleepy


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he's still a boy.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus he changes his profile status too often


----------



## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Cause this dude's a funky monkey! (that aint sexy)


----------



## bandgeek1266 (Sep 1, 2013)

Because they like Licorice


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she's to widdle.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Because he wears top-hats.  :lol


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

cus he has tough competition to compete with in the monkey world  lool jk


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Is saving himself for the next wave of Disney actresses to get street legal


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

FunkyMonkey said:


> cus he has tough competition to compete with in the monkey world  lool jk


Haha! You are funny.  :lol


----------



## Lids (Aug 19, 2013)

Cuz you're just so darn cute :lol


----------



## scorch428 (Sep 2, 2013)

gonna go out on a limb and say because she's too shy =P


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't know. Pennsylvania is awesome. 8)


----------



## TheBlackPigeon (Aug 10, 2013)

You've got me. 

I mean....he's hot, ready, legal. And he looks like the J-Beebs. Women should be jumpin' all over that beef slab, son.


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

He has a bad habit of pooping on windshields.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Because her heart is but a cold, hard, empty rock.


----------



## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Because he's not a pea! He's a cat!


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Lids said:


> Cuz you're just so darn cute :lol


Aww! Thank you!

:blush


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he breaks game threads by not posting about the user above him. D:


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

She is still single because she is too special.


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

lives in the middle of nowhere : <


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus he changes his forum name too often  xD


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

o: amen.
single because too much funkyness xD


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

lool ^_^

Because his name sounds like caliber 
and .50 caliber sniper rifles are scuuury :yes


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Raeden said:


> Because he breaks game threads by not posting about the user above him. D:


Rule are meant to be broken.  :lol


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because he didnt say why im singleeeeee!! So i'll never know! never everr everrr 
(until the next person replies)  lol \(^_^)/


----------



## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

User above me is just too funky!


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

For having another cat picture


----------



## nml (Jan 21, 2012)

for being hypocritical


----------



## LowCountryTransplant (Sep 16, 2013)

For saying anything less than 100% positive things about people with cat pictures.


----------



## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

For having a cat yawning as his avatar.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because his avatar reminds me of that girl from the ring :afr


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he always insist that his date wears a onsie.


----------



## Drakey (Sep 26, 2012)

because he is a fjord. one does not simply date a fjord.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

is currently exploring the possibility of dating a fjord...:sus


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

For asking, what kind of hell is this


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

has kidnapped a rainbow..


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Doesn't have orange in their name T_T


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

cause he refuse's to share his banana...:rofl


----------



## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

Cause he can't decide


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

hammerfast said:


> Cause he can't decide


 your right so many beautiful people ,how doe's one decide...your single cause you told everyone you have aid's,silly boy...lmao


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he dances like the stick man in his avatar.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because hes obviously jelly of other ppls epic dance moves


----------



## jesica24 (May 21, 2012)

Because he's been finding reasons for other people to be single on this thread for too long.


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because she's a noob.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

She spends all her time half-baked.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because he spends his days in a perpetual daydream.


----------



## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

because she thinks of suicide


----------



## Alas Babylon (Aug 28, 2012)

Because he has a poor perception of the gender of others


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

For being cat obsessed


----------



## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

Doesn't listen


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Because she walks around with a creepy mask on.


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Because shes not wearing a horse mask instead.


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

because I don't know, a weird mask a picket board with horny what more could anybody want..never enough, I guess...lol


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

For having blue in his user


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she hasn't met me yet. :boogie


----------



## One Lonely Visitor (Sep 18, 2013)

.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)




----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Cus he needs atleast a 1000 post count to attract the ladies


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Because he gives away all of the good dating tips. After all, once I reached a 1000 post count, all of the gurlies fell into my lap.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Because she prefers to kiss toads than men.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Because I reccomended lots of beach themed halloween avatars for him to use and he didnt use ANY!! :cry 
And when u make a monkey cry den no ladies gon wnt u :no >: D


----------



## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

because he's been inactive for over a week


----------



## AnonymousPersonG (Nov 5, 2014)

Because no one knows where "YSA" is


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

because his girl ran off with AnonymousPersonH


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

That's a good question. :sus


----------



## RestlessNative (Jun 17, 2014)

Because you keep changing your identity all the time srsly.

Edit: Oop for bad baby.


----------



## RestlessNative (Jun 17, 2014)

And Barakiel, because you're too damn cute.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

too much earwax makes it hard to hear all the cheesy come-ons


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

^because that avatar is the face he makes whenever a girl comes on to him! :c



Barakiel said:


> That's a good question. :sus


come on corporal, i want some answers!!











RestlessNative said:


> Because you keep changing your identity all the time srsly.
> 
> Edit: Oop for bad baby.


ehhhhhh?! how so?


----------



## RestlessNative (Jun 17, 2014)

bad baby said:


> ehhhhhh?! how so?


You've changed your avatar heaps. And your title thingy. And your signature. And stuff.


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

RestlessNative said:


> You've changed your avatar heaps. And your title thingy. And your signature. And stuff.


oh. *hangs head in shame* ...i like my current avatar though and i'll probably keep it for a while. my swag brings all the kiddies to the yard 8)

#creepyface


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Cuz she always plays hard to get.. Or is it easy to get.. I forget..


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

No damsel locked away wants to leave the tower now they have Internet 

And vibrators 

He he he


----------



## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

Because he's a hairy orangutan!


----------



## flyingMint (Aug 31, 2015)

Because he's an awkward weirdo. He also lies and says he's ugly but we all know he has a part-time job as a model. Lying scum, skunk bag!


----------



## Telliblah (Sep 19, 2015)

I mean
Because spongebob is the most annoying obnoxious character in the history of cartoons.


----------



## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

Because he's a pirate, THARRRRRRRR! Nobody trusts a pirate!

*edit* I'm uhh...a bit slow apparently, lol!


----------



## Telliblah (Sep 19, 2015)

MBwelder said:


> Because he's a pirate, THARRRRRRRR! Nobody trusts a pirate!
> 
> *edit* I'm uhh...a bit slow apparently, lol!


Third at it, even.


----------



## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

Because Bobbette wasn't a real person.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Too quiet :stu


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

He's a creepy puppet...


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

You're a cat. No one wants to be the lonely girl married to a cat.


----------



## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Unlucky


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

He can't decide on all the suitors showing up at his house


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Joe said:


> Unlucky


I have you know! I found a four leaf clover once!! but yeah I lost it that same day.


----------



## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

@PrincessV because a witch has cursed her prince and turned him into an ugly beast


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

No idea lol


----------



## Eyesxsewnxopen (Mar 5, 2013)

Because they can't get a clue


----------



## IlIlIlIrlpoloIlIlIlI (Feb 5, 2012)

Because they haven't met me yet


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

dude is too ripped


----------



## peace_love (Oct 24, 2008)

Because they are a rockstar and don't have time to date.


----------



## saya2077 (Oct 6, 2013)

People are intimidated by her cute


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

Because Ginko is her waifu.


----------



## GhostlyWolf (Sep 7, 2015)

SD92 said:


> Because Ginko is her waifu.


Because senpai doesn't notice you.


----------



## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

Because they're a ghost and no one can see them.


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

Because she lives somwhere cold and no one wants to go there because they don't want to be cold.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Because he has SA and lives in the middle of nowhere.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Cause he won't share his uncrustables


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

because his goats are really picky about whom he dates


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Because he is still watches teletubbies.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because it's not the mating season for Puffins.


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Cuz he's ninja's ppl


----------



## lackofflife (Mar 24, 2015)

because he gets ninja'd


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

possibly because all the other Mesopotamians died 1500 years ago


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Accidentally farfs on dates


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Sleeps with a Teddy bear


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is a member of a crime club.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because he´s feeling cold.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is currently picking and choosing among a long list of suitors


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Has a long pointy tongue that not everyone likes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

He's just a boy.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Too unweildy when carried around in a totebag


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Is an alien and is seeking for an alien gf on earth


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

porque habla español con personas que hablan inglés, y habla inglés con personas que hablan español


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

He's too sexy for his love
Too sexy for his love
Love's going to leave him
He's too sexy for his shirt 
Too sexy for his shirt
So sexy it hurts  
And he's too sexy for Milan 
Too sexy for Milan
New York, and Japan :O 
He's too sexy for your party 
Too sexy for your party :yes
No way he's disco dancing
'Cause he's a model, you know what I mean :wink2:
And he does his little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk 
On the catwalk, yeah
He shakes his little tush on the catwalk 
He's too sexy for his car 
Too sexy for his car
Too sexy by far :kiss:
And he's too sexy for his hat :|
Too sexy for his hat 
What do you think about that? :con
'Cause he's a model, you know what I mean 
And he does his little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk 
On the catwalk, yeah
He shake his little tush on the catwalk
Too sexy for his
Too sexy for his
Too… :stu


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

She loves cats too much.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't love cats too much


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Is so hot she cooks pancakes without a hotplate. :eek  :grin2:


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

No one has been awesome enough to deserve him.


----------



## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

He got to know me for a bit and I ended up ruining the image and impression of all women worldwide.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because didn't meow today.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Edit: Because boyz can't handle her cuteness.

@Sus y

:lol

Thanks


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Constantly insists that the spoon should go on the left


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Too cool for all the girls he knows.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because cats are conspiring against her


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because only knows a little of Spanish.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Because she actually prefers dogs than cats.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because he has dominated the Earth and nobody likes that.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because doesn't like e-cats


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Because she has too much e-cats and too less cats.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't have e-cats either, btw that one I posted it before was for you user above, but got again ninjaed, I think I'm a slow poster today.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

@Sus y

No worries, I had the exact same thing before. :um

And I'm out of ideas now.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> @Sus y
> 
> No worries, I had the exact same thing before. :um
> 
> And I'm out of ideas now.


Invent the reasons? :b


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Too sweet


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because doesn't want to be interrupted :O


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Has too many reasons for people who are still single. :lol


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

For reasons and things


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Has too little reasons for... 
I'm copy cat-ing you lol


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Is copying my reasons.

"Copy cat-ing" why did you do that. :lol


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Likes to copy dog other people


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Works in an all female field


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

To nice except when is about people who work in all female field.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Her private tittle scares people.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Hardly considers the fact that guys need to eat vegetables too


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a hermit


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Is a duck


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Serves olive loaf on dates.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Only posts photos of cats in Instagram leaving dog persons in the cold


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

geraltofrivia said:


> No one has been awesome enough to deserve him.


Around the other way mate. Women are so amazing, awesome, way better than me. 

But thank you for your kind words.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Well...if he's gonna think that women are better than him...might make dating hard lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

I wouldn't know why, as is amazing, funny, etc.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Too sassy, too sexy, too smooth and any other thing that start with *s* for dates :O


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

I believe because nothing but the best for this lovely woman. 

Oh, and hotter than sliced bread.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

leprechauns are in hot pursuit


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because is an amazing, funny person and only the best for this person.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Belches incredibly loud.
@ANX1
Because his opulent collection of sports cars intimidates people.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@Karsten

Because he is the Lord of New Yawk and only the best for this person.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

He pokes at them and asks "does this annoy you? How about now?"


----------



## Rhythmbat (Jan 6, 2018)

because he doesn't replace the toilet paper


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Because they are a noob


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

apparently likes to snack on mosquitoes and moths

ninja'd: Kevin does a lot of sneak attacks which has led to two mace incidents.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a Trump supporter


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears an athletic supporter above the clothes


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Likes goat cheese


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Won't share Netflix password


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Eats like a horse


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Masks his BO with the scent of gasoline.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Watches too many makeup tutes on youtute


----------



## Johnny Walker (Mar 10, 2017)

Because thinks too much instead of just to grab the opportunity.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because decided to walk alone around the world to beat forrest gump record.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Because there are rumors swirling that she burned down the olive tree.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Spends too much time online.


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Thinks he's a double 0 like in the Bond movies, didn't even go for 007/8, had to choose 1 like a bigshot


----------



## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*what's your spacial awareness?*

user above you

means nothing. this is HTML. a list of things.

we're not all dining in a quadcopter / blimp restaurant


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Has a risky job as a doble for Jhon Snow.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Too hot to handle


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Too cool to fool


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Thinks it's cool to dress his goats.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because has a thing for a goat named Billy.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

I'm trying to remember who's billy but... 
Single because I don't know who's billy? :rofl


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because is really funny and men can't get through eating a date (fruit) without being on the floor laughing.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Prefers cats to actual people


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because I can't type the emoji rolf ? rofl ? flrol?


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

So everytime I type in this thread, it's not the user above, I'm refering to a user that posted long ago :-/ 
I have never got so ninjed ever, EVER! or maybe I should stop doing so many things at time? I haven't slept, spend the night working and well... maybe that's why I'm single? lol :con


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

because she has SA prolly. lol


----------



## Tezcatlipoca (Dec 9, 2017)

too wild in bed for most people


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Tezcatlipoca said:


> too wild in bed for most people


I though that was you! :O 
Well, that's why you are single :O


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Too many house plants


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Has zero plants, goats eat them.


----------



## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

Because she has a space in her name.


----------



## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

What kind of butterfly has no antennas? Just saying...


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't know how special she is


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too busy chasing Jesus.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Buries her face in her book at hand everytime guys are around


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Tezcatlipoca said:


> too wild in bed for most people


lolol


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Too busy chasing cheeses


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Forgets birthdays, but remembers other random things.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sits there with a bottle of black label in the cupboard and never mentions it


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Never sits, just lies down on the floor with or without bottles.


----------



## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

Too precious for the world, let alone a person.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She is intimidating to approach


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

needs to sit in the singles section at church


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Falls in love with sunsets and stuff like that instead of people


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Don't falls inlove with the sunset  doesn't like to watch the starts  hates the smell of the rain :O


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Doesn't share food.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

only dates people if they sign a written contract with him


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a young mom


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

Because as his mom I only let him do his homework and play with legos in his free time. I know what's best for him


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Because she's evil :bah.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

To wise!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Too cute.  :grin2:


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Thinks Belgium is a made up country


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Chews ice cubes


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't know anything about another country except Belgium, country of which he's an expert, reads too much about it everyday and doesn't have time for any other thing, not even dating.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes too many toost crumbs and never cleans the crumb tray in the tooster


----------



## Johnny Walker (Mar 10, 2017)

Because afraid of jumping into an affair.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Likes to vape up the car so much that the date cant see to do her makeup


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Likes to watch when girls are doing their make-up. That's private! lol kidding


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Whittles sticks on a date


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't Whittled sticks on any date.


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Can't spell Susie properly


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Can't spell Sus y properly :b


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She insists on bringing at least one cat on all dates.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Only brings puppies to the dates.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Because the sus stands for suspect.


----------



## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

why she hasn't been snapped up by now, I have no idea !

edit, haha - dont mean you @3stacks, you got in before me - although I do like your beard sweetie


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Too romantic, sexy and handsome at the same time :O Too much to handle! :O :b


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes naps while on dates


----------



## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

Sus y said:


> Too romantic, sexy and handsome at the same time :O Too much to handle! :O :b


I`m sure you are up to the task :wink2:


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

SFC01 said:


> why she hasn't been snapped up by now, I have no idea !
> 
> edit, haha - dont mean you @3stacks, you got in before me - although I do like your beard sweetie


Haha, thanks babe.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Burns the grilled cheese every time


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His carpet doesn't match his drapes.


----------



## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

She's too strange


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Shimmy when should be shammy


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

pretty much eats onions and garlic 24/7


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Calls people strange nick names like "WiFi" 

"really looking forward to our date tonight, wifi"


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

licks the plate clean after eating.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his beard makes him seem unapproachable


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Because he has a lack of appreciation for beards, especially on women.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Because He speaks English.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Needs to try and smile more.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Needs to get on the right planet.


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

this turned into a sausage fest.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I don't know why He is still single.
I don't know why I'm still single.
I don't have a clue what people think or care about anymore!


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

naes said:


> this turned into a sausage fest.


 I can help. I'm bringing a banana into the sausage party.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because only brings a banana to the party. You need to bring more things :O


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I can help. I'm bringing a banana into the sausage party.


don't break it bro.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Cant stop sighing at the wait staff


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Can't stop. Single because is telling my secrets in the board :O


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

naes said:


> don't break it bro.


 I was thinking about eating it.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

But then you won't be single anymore and will miss the fun of posting around and people telling why you are single, not worthy lol :b


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Too inconsistent with the way the toilet paper hangs


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

But it's not my fault :O wait... :b
Single because is too conscious about toilet paper usage :b


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

lives in a small apartment with 128 ducks and one penguin. Still hasn't met her soulmate with a similar obsession for birds.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Makes her significant other eat bread for every meal. And forbids them from eating rice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Only wants to eat rice.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Is actually a secret agent and thus is never able to settle down with anyone


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't know how to fly but still think it's a bird


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is constantly saying the word "yo".


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Spends too much time online.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Because he's a puffin, and women prefer penguins.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

She's strange.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Wants to bring two crazy dogs to his dates.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has a missing letter in her name.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is addicted to solitaire


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Only farfegnugen on dates.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Has too many cats


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes braziers out of used cardboard boxes


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a trump supporter


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

thinks women who show an interest in him have too high of standards


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

eats snow for water during winter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Drank pickle juice right out the jar


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Has unknowingly discovered anti-pheromones and has been using it as a homemade perfume all this time


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears socks with swear words on them


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

He's not from this world.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

The stars have conspired to always end his love life in tragedy


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Had a crumb on his face, for five days...


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think it's the run away plumber's crack.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Is a hipster and thinks getting into relationships doesn't fit his lifestyle


----------



## Vladimere (Sep 4, 2015)

Keeps a collection of gum that has been stuck under tables.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always seems to find out just in time that their lover is addicted to fondling _horklumps_ and thus puts off the wedding for that reason


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

prefers blind dates but can't see where he's going with the blindfold on


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't like animals


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

doesn't believe in dating before marriage


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't believe in the necessity of shoes


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Has cooties


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't want to be corrupted.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a life sized cutout of David Hasselhoff in her room.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Likes klowns


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't eat anything that doesn't contain cat food.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Eats too much bread


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

makes tea the wrong way


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't like my tea :bah


----------



## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

Because he's second as his status says.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She's too nice


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

fears all the good women have been taken by now


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

His farfs are powerful enough to trigger a smoke & Carbon monoxide alarm


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Is unaware that he has a doppelganger who constantly messes everything up behind his back and thus his relationships constantly end in breakups


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Expectations are too high.


----------



## ripcalie (Feb 15, 2018)

He spends too much time on the internet..


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has a tendency to say "Know what I'm sayin'?" after every sentence.


----------



## Blorange (Feb 9, 2018)

They're not interested in a relationship right now.


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Say "Bah" often


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Itchy feet


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts his foot in his mouth, which isn't really that hygienic


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears rubber gloves on dates.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Ordered the bloomin onion with a side of onion dip


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Steals his dates dessert.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Goes to the restroom comes back to the table with a roll of paper towels sticking out of her purse


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Draws dirty cartoons on napkins.


----------



## ThatFeel (Feb 16, 2018)

because the last time they showered was five months ago :/


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

takes advice from SAS posters on dating and relationships


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

No one can handle him.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

He's too pure for this world


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Lack of women in his area.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Uses a drone to spy on his neighbors


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

No one understands his language.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

forces his date to only eat rice during dinner


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

she comments on her own comments


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

She has actually ghosted on ghosts


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

insists on wearing dollar sign glasses every friday


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Says "tweet" everytime she receives a text.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Collects other people's lint


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't have a beard.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Likes beards that look like loafs of bread


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because Trinity died

Sent using Tapatalk because SAS post limit is utterly stupid


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his pet names for his s.o. include bottomless hippopotamus and the potato chip annihilator


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Yells at birds


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is a Russian agent.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is saving himself for the next Russian revolution


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Says the word 'wicked' twelve times per sentence.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

His name is Cletis.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

the potential for demon spawn


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is busy trying to figure out if all spoons are just hallucinations or not


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks 'The Flintstones' was a documentary.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Pouty lip


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Still waiting for the Mothership


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

wears rollerblades constantly, on his feet and his hands


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

No one is good enough for my mom :bah


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

Cause he has SA


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Hotter than a bisquick biscuit straight out of the oven.


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

Because he likes sports, and girls ain't with it.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She a headbussa


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Busses tables even though he's just a customer


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks personal hygiene is overrated.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Sells hissing cockroaches for a living.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is uber-intimidating with their penetrative intelligence and gaze that will make anyone's knees buckle, and crawl away in fear.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

dates always seem to occur simultaneously with his nap time


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is too busy; splitting most of his time between developing the ultimate GUT (Grand Unified Theory), and caressing his pet bunnies.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks he's God's gift to women.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Carries the wrong beans around


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

LOL. What's with you guys and beans? LMAO. 

Anyway..... He is still single because he teleports away whenever a girl approaches him.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Can't hold a conversation about beans.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Whispers "beans" at nite


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Always talks with his mouth open full of beans.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Lives in Beanville, even Prime won't deliver there


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is currently residing in the beanie-verse; where there exists no girls; not even of the beanie kind.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Throws rocks at other rocks


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is stuck on pluto in a robo-mech suit with limited oxygen supply.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Lots of cheeses, lots


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

people are intimidated by his beauty


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Every time he's bored by a conversation, he yells, "Yawn!"


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Refers to KFC as "Colonel Sanders"


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Narrates as he goes about his day.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

gives her dates constructive criticism on how to improve themselves


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

He's super spooky.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

tells his date all about his problems- specifically his math problems- which induces a catatonic state that few people can recover.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Plays the AM talk radio real loud in the car on the way to the restaurant


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

washes his hair with beans


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Beans, beans, beans. LOL! 

Anyways... She is single because she is too preoccupied with exploring the rabbit hole; but who knows; she may run into Neo one day. Lol.


----------



## ionarevamp (Mar 19, 2018)

She makes a point of brushing both her and her boyfriend's teeth every morning.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Went hardcore "Shaolin Monk" mode, and never looked back.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Always overcooks hot dogs.


----------



## lanamae (Oct 31, 2017)

kicks puppies


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is too busy building machinery inside of their mind.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Can't stop talking about Oliver Cromwell.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Doesn't even talk; just glares at his dates.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

thinks soap tastes best with a cup of tea


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Insists that her dates dress up like the Mad Hatter.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Makes all her lovers conform to baldness.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

asks all of his dates to sign a contract first


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks all potential dates if they are able to get in the loaf position


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Constantly refers to himself in the third person.


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

Forgets he's a pet


----------



## Replicante (Oct 31, 2017)

Never stops smiling


----------



## lanamae (Oct 31, 2017)

never smiles


----------



## grass (Mar 27, 2018)

She's the laziest chick you'll ever meet.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy playing with their pet chickens.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Hangs out at petco, haint got a pet


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Keeps a frog in his pocket.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has a pet toady named Herbert Von Vaughn


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Toots his root booter really loudly.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Keeps toots in a locket


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

eats too many beans


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is too preoccupied with making a costume for her mission to turn into a human butterfly


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Got plastic surgery to look like a barbie doll.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tries to impress dates with her realistic quack sounds


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Snores like a chainsaw like 93% of the time each night


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Would spontaneously combust if he were to get too close to women. Had a very close call, however, caught it in time, and simmered down in a tub of ice.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tea Tree Oil Thursday


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Is anti-Taco Tuesdays.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Always harshly debunks her dates's philosophical arguments.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Is an aspiring wax sculptor


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has an ear wax shrine


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Uses their dates as the actual wax sculptures


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

:lol

Always has this lingering scent of bologna wherever he goes because his bed is a huge slab of processed meat


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes dates to pizza hut, makes constant jokes about hand tossed crusts


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

always suggests taking girls behind the barn


----------



## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

the only explanation i can give is that the the world has gone into a tailspin and taken leave of all its senses. we are currently living in a (temporary) world-phase in which the world is not operating on all cylinders and, quite frankly, is just kind of ****ed up. When things turn around and the world comes back to some semblance of good sense the above user will find someone. The end....Oh hell, I just remembered I'm not single. :blank Oh well, what I said needs to be said.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

He's not lol


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

kesker said:


> the only explanation i can give is that the the world has gone into a tailspin and taken leave of all its senses. we are currently living in a (temporary) world-phase in which the world is not operating on all cylinders and, quite frankly, is just kind of ****ed up. When things turn around and the world comes back to some semblance of good sense the above user will find someone. The end....Oh hell, I just remembered I'm not single. :blank Oh well, what I said needs to be said.


 thank you Paul, that was unexpectedly sweet.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Because angels always remain single


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Cause he is too cool for school! lol


----------



## neonknight77 (May 21, 2017)

Because his blood-shot eyes make him look half-demon, half-too kool for skool.


----------



## McCloud90 (Mar 28, 2018)

Because his flirting revolves around making bad programming puns about his 'Python'.


----------



## McCloud90 (Mar 28, 2018)

Well I guess I was too slow...

Because he approaches women gripping a sword and wearing a helmet...


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

women can't get over that he wears a purple dinosaur costume to work everyday


----------



## neonknight77 (May 21, 2017)

McCloud90 said:


> Well I guess I was too slow...
> 
> Because he approaches women gripping a sword and wearing a helmet...


Don't be mad chivalry is still alive, McGuy!


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Took dates to McDonald's playland, stepped on ketchup packets in the parking lot


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Eats raw onions and garlic as a pre-date snack.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Thinks peanut butter mustard sandwiches are a snaak!


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Carries tater tots in his pockets.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has tats of tater tots


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Tattoos taters on tots.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Spews ectoplasmic foam from her pores; and boy, does it burn!


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes tater tot tacos to town


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Attempts to 'pickup' girls by actually picking them up by their waists.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always passes gas LOUDLY at least once during _intimate moments_


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Uses "Intimate Moments" floral scented condoms


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

One step in his bathroom, and bah! They're out..... forever.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Falls in love at first sight and smashes her nose


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always proposes on the first date


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Snoots at the date right off


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His puppet collection scares people.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

takes her 30 pet rats with her everywhere she goes


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Always checks to see what medications her dates are taking...


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Face is stuck in a cake.... and might not make it.....


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Always "forgets" to bring money when eating out with his dates.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Literally has to walk on eggshells around her or will trigger a volatile call-out session over something relatively minor. (That's a lot of eggshells, and ouchie ouchies!)


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Insists that rainbow colored suits are the latest trend.


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

she refuses to not be wanderlust, hasn't stopped walking in 1 year


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes sure all potential dates have clean grout


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't know much about MMA


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is actually a spooky stork (*shudder* *shudder*).


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She's too mysterious


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is only willing to communicate through pigeon post


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She's not allowed to date till 21.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

as my son he's not allowed to date ever


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She has a son who is older than she is, and that really creeps people out.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't eat anything that doesn't contain cupcake batter


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Hasn't changed her guitar strings in years.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't like peanut butter cups.


----------



## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

because she doesnt wear makeup and sit outside


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Is too busy training flamingos


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Starts her mornings off with 4 grams of cocaine.


----------



## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

shoos the ladies away because he wears too much cologne


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Is into competitive quilting


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Forces her dates to eat brussels sprouts.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Thinks I'd share the brussels sprouts


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

starts every conversation by making a psychic prediction of the other person's death


----------



## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

tells her date he has a year left to leave so as to psychoanaylze him to write his will to her


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears a tiara on dates.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Cheats at scrabble


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always secretly cuts off a strand of her partner's hair for her collection


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a soft spot for spurs and cowboy hats.


----------



## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

likes spanking too much


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Doesn't like spanking enough


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Smells like beans.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

she requires one freshly baked pie just to get to talk to her


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

farfegnugen said:


> she requires one freshly baked pie just to get to talk to her


Wrong person. I am not a woman lmao


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't accept the pies farfegnugen has baked for him


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Chews chum for fun, and uh, well, *vomits....* you get the idea.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

treats dating like a social science experiment including the delivery of shocks to alter behavior


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Butter on the light switches


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Gave up on courting human women ages ago, and is currently working on building a female droid to suit his company.


----------



## neonknight77 (May 21, 2017)

Neo said:


> To conserve water, he only showers once a year.


Because he is the One. A 1 has no room for a second significant-other ;-).


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Got banished to the realm of the robotic graveyard.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Trapped in a tangential stream, and cannot escape weird vibrational feelings.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Picks locks to impress a date


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Eats beans for every meal.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Skoal air freshener


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Loved skool so much.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Compares pencil erasers to female nips


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy eating his dates (the fruit he acquired at the supermarket).


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

repeats everything the date says in a very patronizing daffy duck voice


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

:rofl

demands they watch Stephen Colbert 13 hours straight


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Lint roller holster, nuff said


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

starts his conversation with you're a lot better than my ex except ...


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Hasn't found someone delicious enough.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

only dates people who wear all purple outfits, socks included


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Ony dates antmen.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in a tree house with a "No Girls Allowed" sign on the door.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Smells like mayo and is too intimidating.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Always tells his dates that they remind him of his mom.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Tells dates she loves crabs.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

gets confused with the "do I look fat in this outfit" question.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sells tickets to listen to crickets


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always insists they have their first date in a creepy cabin in the woods


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy creating a cabin from empty carbs.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

first question he usually asks his dates is how much they weigh


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Pet moths


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has skeletons in his closet. Literally.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

So many old tires in the yard, so many mosquitoes


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

95% of what he talks about involves conspiracy theories and aliens


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

He lives alone on another planet


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Keeps coffee grounds in the coat pockets


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

keeps a jar full of human teeth on his nightstand


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Walks around with a linty lolly


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

they keep escaping from her inescapable dungeon


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

he's not. He always forgets he's already in 2 relationships


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Super, super obsessed with the physical height of her dates; won't date any man under 200cm, and that's only the beginning of her impossibly high standards.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

used too much yeast in making her bread... bf exploded


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Team chubby chucklebears.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is obsessed with math.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is obsessed with pointing out persons obsessed with maths thus, he is always in the company of only nerdy men (and loves it *so* much) in the engineering / philosophy / mathematics departments of universities.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

His first question for every date is, "Does the carpet match the drapes?"


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Her carpet doesn't match the drapes.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His cats don't approve of him dating.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his wallpaper is a collage of all of his exes' portraits


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Pouts over pudding


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Creepy phantoms keep sabotaging his date sessions (spaghetti splattering in their faces, shoved off of chairs, etc).


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

_Is _a creepy phantom.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has pink hair.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has been living alone in the mountains without seeing a single human in 20 years


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

always nibbling on magic mushrooms


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't know how to stop screaming


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Just doesn't give a bullhash brownie in regards to relationships, and achieval of acquiring SOs.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

does his math homework on dates


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in a van down by the river.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Wears underwear with Chris Farley's face on it.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears a Hello Kitty tank top under all his clothes.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy hiding from the sea-bear.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears a Crabby Kitty nighty


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Jumped into the campfire, and never returned.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

he's an AI


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She lives inside a book.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has glowed in the dark since berth


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is a portal to the realm of dark magic.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

invites his dates over to help clean his home and wash his clothes


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Carries cheese everywhere


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Needs to carry the right kinds of cheese.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Eats sheet cake under the sheets


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Covers his willy in tanning oil and sprawls out nude along the shingles.


----------



## karenw (Aug 20, 2012)

He loves Farfegnugen


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Never shares her popcorn at the cinema


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Is made of paperclips.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

everytime he has to pay for something he repeatedly tries to use paperclips as a currency


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

No one is worthy


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Because his heart is too big for just one person to handle


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Needs someone just as awesome as he is.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Drives too fast :afr


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Already taken by Gin.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Knows too much


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

No's too much


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Has not joined the paperclip kingdom


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Yells at the news


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

spends too much time thinking about cheese


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is in a puddin dance troop


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

His dancing usually ends up pudding people off.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Moldy wallet


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

allergic to girl pollen


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Asks dates to pull his finger...


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Spends too much time in the woods, scaring campers in a bigfoot costume


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too busy chasing the Loch Ness Monster.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is in service of the great bohm...


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

weeps uncontrollably for no particular reason


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

You won't hear a single peep from him, for he has transcended it all...


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Always trying to form a conga line


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Always wants to meet the parents after the second date.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Never stops dancing. 

That was meant for twistix, but it'll work, lol.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Cardboard hatz


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Cries after sex.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Cries _during _sex.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Cries before sex.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is stuck inside of an elephant.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Laughs at sex


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Frowns at sex.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Keeps one eye open while kissing.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Laughbox functionality has been reduced to utter garbo; is in need of serious repair.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tells potential dates about her experience with eargasms


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Has yet to find the best color of foundation for his skintone


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Can't stop itching the itch.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refuses to share his gummy worms.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Doesn't want to play the game of two.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

afraid that it will interfere with his mastery of solataire


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is an INTJ schizoid in droid-building mode, and does not want to be disturbed by trivial matters such as that of girls.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

diagnoses his dates with a mental disorder then bills them


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Busy in the coop, picking his "chicks".


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Steals from dates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He's too sexy for his shirt, so sexy it hurts.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Bellows "WRONGO!" whenever her dates utter anything remotely suspected of being logically inconsistent.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Once scratched a dates cornea with a pokemon card


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Beeped at the bot


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sleeps in a coffin


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Is a weirdough


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

I donut know why


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her grandfather doesn't let her go on dates.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Because he forgot to feed me this morning.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Asks her dates to feed her three times a day.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Begs for a Fanta


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Handcuffs people to him and only releases them right after they have had a date


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tells a date "damn! Look at those elbows!" *heavy breathing*


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Happened to get emotionally conflagrated by a variety of malicious harpies, and declared that he's completely "donzo" with girls as a whole.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

spends all day eradicating diseases and ending world hunger to where he's too tired to meet a nice girl


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

They have 8265 posts on SAS.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Simply has no time; for he is occupied with creating an entirely new, yet bizzare genre of meta-music; that which transcends the faintest approaching idea we have of the incomprehensible in regards to sound vibrations altogether.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Leaves hard boiled eggs in the car for months


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Busy nibbling the crushed eggs that Craig (Random guy) has sat on for hours on end (*puke*).


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

It's that Playboy finger tat


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Values his snuggly time with his chummy Joes far too much so to be bothered to go on annoying dates with girls.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

genius is often not recognized in one's lifetime


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Blows nose during the lurve scenes


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Eats too much chili.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes dates to Chili's then burps the rest of the date


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Prefers the company of goats.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is a yellow lantern lass; for she has the power to instill great, great fear within the hearts of her dates. She feeds off of their fight/flight triggering responses with her yellow power ring until their completely "donzo", and no one hears from them EVER again.....


----------



## LightUpTheAzureSky (Mar 6, 2018)

Legitimately and without a hint of overcompensation, just really, honest-to-goodness, is too much 'man' for one woman to handle.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Cryptically answers yes or no questions.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy trying to join a "secret" organization by solving cryptography problems.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Leads with "it's just a temporary thing"


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

No girl can mentally tickle him. IQ is off-the-charts, and may be in the midst of the revival of the "schizotypal INFJ" phase.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sometimes goes into a YouTube daze


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Has a creepy "dating" room in his place of residence that has a sign plastered on the door stating "We're busy, so **** off!" and just reeks of an unimaginably horrid smell. Apparently, his dates are never heard from again. Who knows what goes on inside of there..... *shudder shudder*


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Puts his foot up on the bar.....top


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Had a massive bout of the munchies... and well....


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Has only one monitor.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Is a mere muggle.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Only knows one card trick.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Hits guys with low blows.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Steals jokes from his dates.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Only wants Frodo to be his partner to destroy _The One Ring _


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Jabitutually eats garlic.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is a jillbilly


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Takes selfies before saving their dates from shark attacks


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

tries to convince his dates that they need an exorcism


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Thinks about bizzarro world.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sniffs the inside of the dates car


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Loves sniffing his dates (the fruit) for hours on end, but does not eat them.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Vitamin D deficiency


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Her adorable avatar keeps her dates distracted from her


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

His extremely dashing appearance is too much for any girl to handle.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his girlfriends accidentally enter the basement where he keeps all of his ex wives


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

Told them they had to legally add an E to their first names Ealex, Ejack, Ejames


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Makes his dates watch all the Matrix movies in one sitting.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Puts post it notes on foreheads


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Prepares bean entrees with a side of beans and ends the meals with bean desserts.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes jewelry from banana peelz


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Has black soles. Doesn't believe in wearing shoes.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tries to apply gel to all dates


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks if they have foot hair


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

in training to be a ninja monk that only bathes once a month


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is preoccupied with being the leader of a cult


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Boils potatoes.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always falls asleep at 3 PM while listening to children's music


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same


----------



## appledapple (Mar 27, 2018)

builds up a perfect moment then says something that was taken the wrong way and ruined the only chance he would have for a while


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

drives every date down a wrong way street into the path of a dump truck then dives from the vehicle just before it explodes into a fiery ball


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Drives a Volkswagen


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Drives a smart car.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Drives a fart car


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Overactive sacral chakra.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Drinks garlic juice every morning.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Chewing gum omelettes the morning after


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Claims to be allergic to showers.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks dates for a throat culture


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Offers to chew his dates' foods for them.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Points twizzlers at people and talks tough


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Wants his dates to live out his fantasy by dressing up as a psycho-clown girl.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Clicks tongue on the hour, every hour


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Tattooed his whole body just the color blue.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Cheats at Facebook board game


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Hides the condoms in the cookie jar.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Smoked meat filterless


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

ran out of blow gun darts


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes the stairs, like literally steals steps!


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

make waffles the wrong way


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Never scrapes her plate before putting it into the sink.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

uses shampoo for damaged hair even though his hair is perfectly fine


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Snoops around people's bathrooms and makes judgements about them.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

makes his dates disappear during his magic shows but they never come back after the trick is over


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sugar socks!


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

thinks sugar sucks, puts flour in his coffee instead


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sells dead weed bouquets on etsy


----------



## Grace21 (Apr 12, 2018)

can't cooks tasty dishes


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always invites Satan to their dinner parties


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Dances like nobody is watching


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

conveniently forgets his wallet the first 12 dates


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I think I'll tell you why I'm single. 1) No Women left to interact with. 2) When I do get a chance I never click with them.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

The user above is single because 1) No Women left to interact with. 2) When he does get a chance he never clicks with them.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

He repeats, repeats,repeats, repeat...


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Pfft.... No need for mere girls; for he can generate his own female tulpa or whatever, and have his "fun time" with it. Oh, and he is whole, and generates the opposite variety of chi within him; another reason for not longing for girls.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Spends a lot of time yelling at birds flying by


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

mistakenly checked misogyny in his dating profile leading to some hateful messages


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

keeps cutting off strands of his hair and mailing them to his crush but never gets a response from her for some reason


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Clothes made of moss


----------



## Anjubatus (Apr 19, 2018)

known for having all of his lovers mysteriously disappear after a week into the relationship


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Bring a box o wine on dates


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a wardrobe mimicking the fashion style of Charles Manson.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because nobody is good enough for him because he is so awesome.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Foot hair n' flap flops


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his bedroom is full of cardboard cutouts of Steven Seagal


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

LED rims


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Smells like beans.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

He manually evolved out of it; became the next level human (with no need for girls); thanks to his bio-tech tinkerings with his own body.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

uses the girl repellent he developed in the lab using the dirty socks of SAS members


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is doing the no shower challenge


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

it's the I love pink booty shorts


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Wants to know about stool routine.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sticky notes on dates car dash


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Invented the stool routine.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

works out to Frank Sinatra


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Makes fun of their dates for being a console peasant (if they're gamers)


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She is too mysterious


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Jesus loves everybody... that dirty rascal


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears Hawaiian shirts to black tie events.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

all of her dates are supervised by her parents


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

All of her dates are supervised by Kevin. :haha


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Belches extremely aggressively.

*EDIT* Ninjas people compulsively.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Left for the planet of Iron men mechs.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his windshield isn't perfectly clean


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

asks him to take the garbage out and do the dishes as a prerequisite before the first date


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

talks to pineapples at midnight


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

She's too awesome of a person.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

takes a book to read on the date


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Leaves all tags on new clothes


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Had a massive sneeze which created a super mini-black hole that sucked him inside, and was never seen again.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears the same outfit 6 days in a row.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Driftwood collection


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Wears a lot of squeaky shoes


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears squacky shoos


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Rubber duckies all over his house.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Puts rubbers on duckies and says "now y'all safe"!


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

Makes his own rubbers from his Pará rubber tree.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Far too intelligent to mingle with members of his species.


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

His moves are far too weak and doesn't yeeeeeeeeet on dem hoses often enough


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always seems to be _at least_ 1 minutes late to his dates


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Uses Yeeeeet brand shampoos


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always has this lingering smell of coconuts wherever he goes


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

always takes his friends along on dates









candid shot


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

yells at squirrels


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Has a cute shortened-version of her name.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is a dude posing as a girl posing as a dude.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has a pet werewolf.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Makes dates sign a "pre-date" agreement.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Opens a can of Spam at the restaurant


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

leaves coconut oil fingerprints everywhere


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Offered to grease his dates bearings


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Suggests WD-40 instead of Astroglide.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Took date to a Crisco disco


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too many bean breath sneezes from the other side...


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

could talk about eigenvectors for hours...and does


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

IQ >= 2 * physical weight, and currently working on constructing the queen of the eggheads.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Hides and hyperventilates 75% of the time during his dates inside the men's room


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Potnonomicaphobic


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Pirouettes through the Starbucks


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy bucking against the star of Betelgeuse.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Crimps them donuts til they flat


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always stores some cat food in his wallet


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her ants are jealous and don't let anyone date her.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

Probably has something to do with being as stable as a house of cards?


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Knows things about people they aren't supposed to know.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

Has a permanent scowl on their face?


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

can't afford to be cloned


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

Hasn't found the right cartoon dinosaur yet.


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

I mean, do you have to ask?


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has an evil post count which scares many of the opposite sex away


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Got tired of getting scorched by girls, so he just stopped....


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in an igloo.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Anyone who looks her in the eye turns into stone.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is a tyrant


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Geralt- Steals all purple items from his dates homes.

EBecca- Is a ninja.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Gets ninja dated all the time.


----------



## Nekobasu (Apr 22, 2018)

Is always angry


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

Likes 2D girls


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

They don't call them girls in the variant of the 4D realm he resides in; and well, there's no interactive vehicle that would allow him a physical presence within this 3D reality.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

GeomTech said:


> and well, there's no interactive vehicle that would allow him a physical presence within this 3D reality.


Don't worry, I still have spooky action at a distance on my side.

Thinks advanced spatial geometry is the equivalent of very steamy romantic poetry.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Over-reliance on spooky action-age; making the yoni flowers shrivel and contract upon interactions.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

GeomTech said:


> Over-reliance on spooky action-age; making the yoni flowers shrivel and contract upon interactions.


both halves are entangled, separately but equally, I've got this taken care of. Those Yoni flowers will not close.

Sees Yoni flowers and thinks that he's talking to the most beautiful women he has ever seen.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Entanglement effects has fizzled away unfortunately; duality dynamic has gone assymetrical / lopsided; mysterious meta-dimensional construct loop exception to blame and currently under repair; trapped in an unknown realm of strange changing colors and fractal patterns.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

GeomTech said:


> Entanglement effects has fizzled away unfortunately; duality dynamic has gone assymetrical / lopsided; mysterious meta-dimensional construct loop exception to blame and currently under repair; trapped in an unknown realm of strange changing colors and fractal patterns.


Gives the above to a girl he likes in an envelope labelled "To my sweet Yoni", in the form of romantic poetry. He opens the letter for Yoni and begins to read it "Entanglement effects has fizzled away...", as he is reading it, he noticed that Yoni seems like she is closing herself off to him. He rubs his eyes very well, and as his eyes start to clear up, he starts to see Yoni's sweet smooth curves. He rubs his eyes a little more, and then realizes he was reading to a flower the whole time.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Comrade Proletarian said:


> Gives the above to a girl he likes in an envelope labelled "To my sweet Yoni", in the form of romantic poetry. He opens the letter for Yoni and begins to read it "Entanglement effects has fizzled away...", as he is reading it, he noticed that Yoni seems like she is closing herself off to him. He rubs his eyes very well, and as his eyes start to clear up, he starts to see Yoni's sweet smooth curves. He rubs his eyes a little more, and then realizes he was reading to a flower the whole time.


LOL! Imaginative tickle-jabbery, and pinching of arms!

Well, our fellow comrade has become an idea; an idea planted moreso firmly within the yang psyche structure. However, he does manage to slip into the right hemisphere of the collective yin psyche, but conflicts, due to his mental constitution structure resembling that of a wireframe as opposed to that of a flowing river .The integrative value sinks down; nearing to that of zero, and is eventually completely back-ended to the rear, but is currently planning a network-esque manner of slyly entering into the soft, sweet, accepting idea-sphere of the ideal yin.


----------



## Comrade Proletarian (Apr 25, 2018)

GeomTech said:


> LOL! Imaginative tickle-jabbery, and pinching of arms!
> 
> Well, our fellow comrade has become an idea; an idea planted moreso firmly within the yang psyche structure. However, he does manage to slip into the right hemisphere of the collective yin psyche, but conflicts, due to his mental constitution structure resembling that of a wireframe as opposed to that of a flowing river .The integrative value sinks down; nearing to that of zero, and is eventually completely back-ended to the rear, but is currently planning a network-esque manner of slyly entering into the soft, sweet, accepting idea-sphere of the ideal yin.


Aha, at least I don't rely on metaphors on top of metaphors on top of a math analogy to describe another persons thought process! You probably express your love to a girl by describing the math of the fluctuating chemical variables taking place that affect major emotional centers of your brain, and she ends up dumb-founded!


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Abstraction ladder has ultimately crashed; left hemisphere is bugged out, leaving the poor lad unable to talk or process auditory information.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Sports a pink Mohawk.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Mohawks the pink forms as a form of sport.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Introduces dates to cardboard cutouts


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Always sings Sara (by Jefferson Starship) to their date after their dates despite the date's name


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Yells "Yay!!! Boys!!!" whenever approaching guys, which makes them run away.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is currently testing the collective willpower of single women everywhere


----------



## Nekobasu (Apr 22, 2018)

He left the cake out in the rain


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

bakes his own pies with whatever the catbus runs over


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he is too shy to approach women.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Spends too much time dancing in the dark... By herself


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He's too alpha.


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

She's got amazing attitude and smarts, therefore intimidating ? 🙂


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Runs away from the boys that come for her.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Too tired to go on dates.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Double dips them chiaps


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

tried to sneak his date into a movie, date got caught, he pretended not to know her


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Picks up his dates on a skateboard.


----------



## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

Slyly asks them to pay her college tuition about 5 times a day


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

plays hard to get by making her date scale a wall of death before picking her up


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

uses both hands to lift a truck


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Her ant army keeps potential lovers at bay


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Because she deletes all of her dates.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Wears too much make up.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makups lies about makeup


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't think out of the can


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes them play greasy Twister


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

Isn't an actual person, but an artificial intelligence created to promote Heinz beans™.

Edit: Got ninjad. That's why you're single.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't like AI nor beans.


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

Is just a product of my imagination.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

It's not a product of my imagination.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

She's a player, she gives sandwiches to everyone


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Doesn't share her coats. Her lovers all freeze to death.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Wears ill fitting coats


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because she has a giffy avatar.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

twistix said:


> She's a player, she gives sandwiches to everyone


How wouldn't I? You people are too awesome! >


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Gives sandwiches to everyone but me.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Only interested in sandwiches


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Doesn't have some sandwiches.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Might think that without John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, having existed, the world might not be as worth it to live in, lol.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

He a cleana da sink draina ona da date! Whata matta wit u?


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Wut? It's the typing :O


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Spends too much time offline doing productive things


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is preoccupied with selling banana peels online


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Spores, cant say mores


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Conspiracy theorist, can't say more


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Demands too high a price for her amazing glass window drawings


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

keeps a frog colony in his bathtub


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

keeps kissing frogs but they, for some reason, remain frogs


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Yells instead of talking, which makes the girls run away.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

serenades strangers by their windows at night


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Blasts the juju music in the parking lot


----------



## Goodlntentions (Apr 28, 2018)

Constantly spills the beans.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sets Limburger on the dash


----------



## LazarusBlack (Apr 29, 2018)

Has more gas than a petrol station


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Creepy silences, and too much blood of the lamb....


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks personal hygiene is for losers.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is actually a poozer belonging to Kilowog.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sends offensive poems to his crush


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Icy cold in her demeanor.


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Shows up at their dates in a gimp suit


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy using gimp on his mintbox.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Moves too fast.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Likes to stop in the middle of the fast-lane as the NASCAR cars drive by and smell the roses.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Likes to brag to his dates about his time spent in prison.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Bites to hard! Ouch!


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't bite hard enough.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy using her bite strength to chew down her gummy worms into gummy juice.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't like busy people who chew gums.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Misses out on dates to chewing on gummy bears.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Carries his cat around in a onesie.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

To tired for jumping in bears' bellies all day long.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Purse potpourri


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Pol pot potpourri nights.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Thinks he's a giant pancake.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

is a complex computer.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Turns a simple 'r' into 'r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r'.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Likes everything extra crispy


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doens't like crispy things



Karsten said:


> Turns a simple 'r' into 'r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r'.


because doesn't get the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-sound :b


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Puts the 'r' in fire, and so many rawrs; like a fearsome lion as opposed to an innocent, cuddly cat.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Nooo!! I'm an innocent cuddly cat! :b and he's single because doesn't like lions


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

only dates people with a deep hatred for pizza


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Busy getting pizza pie'd.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Busy making a pie chart.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Loves flowers too much.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't love flowers enough :O


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Cracker crumbs on the floor mats


----------



## Gothic Cupcakes (Mar 24, 2015)

Because he eats beans 24/7


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

He's the Bubble Wrap Man!


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Spend days wrapping people


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Wrapping a tune.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is addicted to drawing mustaches on people while they sleep


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Watch people while they sleep and ask goblins to draw mustaches on sleepping people


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Took a date to a therapeutical bean bath


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Lost his prized mustache to the tomato sauce ravioli mustache wars.


----------



## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Answers questions with a question.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Over-abundance of terse conversations.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Doesn't have nearly the amount of posts that can get one a significant other.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

So many unlucky chuckles...


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is convinced women only want his money...


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Can't let go of his bunny.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Insanity of a conspicuous nature runs in his family


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Only dates women named Talula.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because she is so awesomely strange that she is stranger than a Samantha.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

the pregnancy test came back negative.... celebratory dance


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Because started a new religion.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

He has far-fetched hopes and dreams, if only he had delusions of grandeur, he'd be in a romantic relationship.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

most of the time he's not quite sure where he is or how he got there


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Covered in gunky bunko that may not ever come off...


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Covers in food when going to a date :b


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Shows the date half eaten gummy bears


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

all his love potions so far have caused excruciating and painful deaths


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Conjured up a woman in his mind but she materialized into flesh and blood and he rejected her.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Ramen noodle breath


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

The breath of death.... It's that bad...


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Conversations in the deep blue sea.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't date during weekends.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

So sweet she gives men diabetes


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his signature gives everyone an existential crisis


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

most of the guys she has dated have lost their heads and have no where to put their hats


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

As shown on the image above, he gave up on women


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is too good for any given girl.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Can't personally verify if anybody else exists.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has trained rats to make all his home cooked meals


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

the ghosts in his house get jealous of his SO


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Guys are fighting each other for her affection. A few of them should be out of the hospital rather soon.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Can't be bothered and has bigger fish to fry.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Has to beat women away with a stick.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Is having second thoughts about that "in a relationship" tattoo


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Keeps farting nugens on dates


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

isn't allowed outside after dark


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Prefers literally blind dates


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Hes stuck in the matrix 😉


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Starts the conversation with, " i want to tell you something about yourself"


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Rebootplease said:


> Starts the conversation with, " i want to tell you something about yourself"


that means? lol


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

Loves her stuffies too much.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Doesn't love stuffy things at all.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

can only communicate by invading someone's dreams


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Invaded my dream last night BUT i liked it


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

PrincessV said:


> Rebootplease said:
> 
> 
> > Starts the conversation with, " i want to tell you something about yourself"
> ...


I thought u were the sas phychic. Kidding


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

nothing comes between him and his blankie


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Steal and uses someone's blanket. Please return my blanket and my pillows, you have collected already a million of those.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

^Wat? LOL! 

Hoards too many blankies and pillows; even has pet names for them, and uses them to build her imaginary fortresses of slumber. The dates see this upon entering her living quarters but mysteriously disappear thereafter (they're sent to the slumber realm; eternally slumbering away as she creepily gazes at the bodies of her sleeping dates and strokes their hair).


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his pet crocodile has been a really bad boy but he can't remain mad at him for long because he's a growing boy with such a cute snout


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Points out every logical inconsistency uttered by his dates, and then wonders why no one wants to talk to him.


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Searches the logic of the dating process and takes their dates to a lab to find an answer for the mystery of love.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Because a cat who walks around with a 6 month old wedding bokay gives male cats the creeps: D


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Uses too many cute avatars.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

The soft, inviting "meows" eventually turn into a fiery barrage of "rawrs...


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Spends all his date nights in the lab , working on his big project, the atomic ball blaster.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Can't decide on an avatar.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Ate too little amount of cupcakes.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

The last time that he was born was last week, lol.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Came out of a bubbly egg.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he thought that zero divided by zero was zero.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

On the hunt for the goose-egg one.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Has Neanderthal DNA in him and also the "warrior" gene.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

^ Whoa... Weird. Was watching a Neanderthal documentary earlier on. Hmm. Probably a coincidence or whatever. 

But uh, he's single because he went cosmic monk, and joined the watchers council.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he would rather draw geometric diagrams in the sand.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

runs into a 5 o'clock shadow problem when he shaves his legs


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sees Voldemort as his perfect role model


----------



## appledapple (Mar 27, 2018)

she said his name


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Got rid of all of the anaerobes in his hair in favor of organisms that breathe oxygen.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Bc she maybe had a penis


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Nose looks like a beak.


----------



## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Far too epic for any relationship on this mortal plane.


----------



## Shy extrovert (Dec 6, 2017)

Found his internet history and all the posts he made on those incel forums


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

keeps getting killed on nearly every date


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Was named Pornhub's user of the year.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

eats old ladies and dresses up as little girls' grandmas so he can eat them too. Is often told "My what big teeth you have!"


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is a little bit scary.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Crusades alien planets with his necrobot army.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Nicknamed his car "foof"


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he's ready to mingle.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has to sacrifice a goblin on every first date


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Whenever she uses her telepathy she realizes how horrible people really are.

Yikes, that was a little dark.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

He asks all his dates to dress up as princess laya.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He doesn't know how to spell Leia. Also, I hear he has allergic reactions to women sometimes.


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Doesn't like wookiee chicks!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

speaks really creepily of feeling the full power of the force while wearing his slave girl costume


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Tells their dates to _use the force_ when in fact they belonged to another fanbase


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

bought the SAS dating guide but mistakenly received the 18th century version


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Scattered the brain that he did not use.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Spends too much time on sas


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Wears dependants during hot days, in winter sandals with socks.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

She lets her cats decide if she is ready to move the relationship to the next level


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

He doesn't talk to cats.



Rebootplease said:


> She lets her cats decide if she is ready to move the relationship to the next level


Cats are wise, that's why I keep single


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

ALways talks bout sammiches with her Pen Pal


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

His birds are hostile


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

He's waiting for the arranged marriage with someone from Amon's family to be finalized


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Uses axle grease as skin lotion.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Drinks Ensures.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Wakes up every morning and yells "CARL, STAY BACK!!!!!" every time he completes a weight lift rep, and grunts a lot as well.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

apparently has Ebecca tied up somewhere until she says yes


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is trying to escape the grip of the sumo wrestle that's sitting on top of him.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He's tied up in my basement. That was meant for farfegnugen, but you never know, maybe they both are.


----------



## EggsBenedict (Dec 28, 2017)

Those elf ears are just too badass for most guys.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Constantly quotes the Lord of the Rings.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Morning moo rituals.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

jangles when he walks


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

People are reluctant to tell their families they're dating a furry


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Likes to bring CharmedTwo along on dates sometimes


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Has an unBEARably punny sense of humor



funnynihilist said:


> Likes to bring CharmedTwo along on dates sometimes


Ahhh, but wait a minuteee.... With CharmedTwo there, I'd no longer be *single*...


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Believes in "Twoism" but dates always believe in "Booism" so there's a clash


----------



## DisneyDaydreamer (Jun 9, 2018)

Because he's not found anyone as into monkeys as him yet ;D


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She's waiting for Prince Charming.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

brings a chunk of cheese on the date and whips it out at the wrong time


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Told the date that he is pregnant with her child, even though they just met 2 days ago.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

smell like freakin PINE SAP!


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Is a too much sought-after comedian that women are afraid to approach such a megastar.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Guzzles down garlic onion juice and munches on spicy doritos + pickles before departing for his dates (without brushing), and he _loves_ to get really, really , REALLY close to their faces while talking.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Likes to talk about Quantum physics.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is as unpredictable as that newfangled particle!


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Because he is chasing the woman in red.


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he likes to chase female ghosts instead of girls that are alive.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

insists on an EEG to prove any date he goes on is still alive


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Because he is awesome with the ladies, a real Casanova.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to show off his burping skills and have people guess what he had for lunch


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks Yogi Bear is real.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Does not believe in the power of positive bearing


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Is a bear who thinks its a man


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is a Bear Grylls impersonator who gets lost in his front yard


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too scared to battle his inner Makuta.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Waxes his dates car DURING the date while singing "shine 'er up!, shine 'er uuuuuup!"


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

He'd rather make love to the upholstery of the car instead after she asks him if he wants to make out with her.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

No amount of cologne can cover up his fishy smell


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

I have no idea why, they look amazing with that jacket on


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

her keen avian fashion sense


----------



## Mabel Pines (Mar 19, 2018)

Is too e-gorgeous.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is actually a real Eeyore, and would prefer to be by himself.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

doesn't care for the pet name, snookums


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

it's entirely impossible to know without a lobotomy


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Claims he doesn't have time for personal hygiene.


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

Is too busy writing love letters to Trump


----------



## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

He has a resting b**** face


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is pratacing wrichcaft


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

*pinches nose* Needs to lay off the smelly honey....


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes too many of the complimentary Tic Tacs


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

spends all his money on bulk tic tacs


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

the cupcake never approves of her dates, which she respects


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Refuses to talk because she's telepathic.


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

His addiction to inhaling helium is taking up all his time


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

His glowing red eyes scared the ladies away


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

Isn't actually real so nobody could date him.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

too busy drinking tea with the garden gnomes


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Bald eagle eggs are not easy to come by. The last ingredient for her love potion.
(I know ur not a witch.j)


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

Because he is a horse and most girls are not into that...well, some are


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

women always fall for his "you can do better than me" routine


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He never showed up to our dinner date.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has all her dates in Wonderland at 13 o'clock sharp- don't be late for a very important date


----------



## BlackHorse (Jun 4, 2017)

He burps obnoxiously


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He is permabanned.


----------



## girlyone1 (Jan 20, 2012)

He's emotionally unavailable


----------



## Arthur Pendragon (Mar 17, 2013)

Is still deciding if it is a girl, a flower, or a rainbow.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

many have tried but no one can squirm in between him and his cat


----------



## Emp (Jun 17, 2018)

because he doesn't care about corridors


----------



## fantaspaceunicornz (Jun 30, 2018)

Because of your simplistic username


----------



## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

Because they have a fly on their face.


----------



## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

Because they have no face.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

prefers girls that are two-faced


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

because he's fallen


----------



## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

Cause he's 2 sexy for heaven


----------



## myimponderabilia (Jul 8, 2018)

because she looks sixteen even tho shes 27

he-he~


----------



## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

Because where's the other half of her face!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has sniffed his fair share of adhesives


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He is living in some strange woman's basement.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

considers food sampling in stores as "going out to eat"


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is an electricity snob hehe


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Always burns whatever he is cooking.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Started the Church of Karsty then left in a huff


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

offers his dates certs and bad meatballs


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Looks like Buffy the vampire slayer and people are worried they'll get a stake through the heart if they get on her wrong side. I mean she even has ''slay'' on her cup...


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

he gets points for knowing who Buffy is but loses them for fear of the slayer! is possibly a vampire


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Immediately suspects people of being a vampire... Which makes normal people think she's paranoid and scares the hell out of vampires!:afr


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

has yet to disprove my theory he is a vampire :afr


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is very toxic.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

turns into a werewolf


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Sends them running.....


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Is a technophobe


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

He makes laminated copies of his internet history and gives them to women on the first date


----------



## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

His entire house is a creepy shrine dedicated to Thom Yorke.


----------



## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

goes trick or treating all year round


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

thinks wine is just another name for water


----------



## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

Has gone insane from probing one too many SA minds


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He is too "isolated" from the outside world.


...


That was a bad pun.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Became one with the code and never looked back.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a bad habit of slowly backing away when he's flirting with someone until he's shouting from across the room.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

takes his beloved microwave with him everywhere he goes


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

wears a tinfoil hat to keep dry in lightning storms despite it making her hair stand straight up


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Comes in _wayyyyy_ too close to his dates where they can smell his uvula.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Because he spends his Friday nights writing erotic fantasy novels, most recently about a centaur named Esteban with chiseled abs and a mysterious past.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Because he spends his Friday nights making comments like those ^


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Got beamed up and never came back. Must be having a real blast on planet Viron-4B or something.


----------



## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> He is too "isolated" from the outside world.
> 
> ...
> 
> That was a bad pun.


Hahahahaha :clap

...

Oh wait 

Anyway, user above coughs up hairballs on date night.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Found solace in the "one"; doesn't want to leave said state.


----------



## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

Smells bad.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Strikes where it hurts the most.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

His comedic stunts leaves his dates paralyzed.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a 12 bag of Doritos a day habit that he's trying to break


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

everytime he decides to go on a date he accidentally drives his car into a river


----------



## karenw (Aug 20, 2012)

Gives out directions to the river


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

She wears a full suit of armor out in public and it's hard to tell her apart from other people wearing the same outfit


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She doesn't share her tea :bah


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Calls it "iced taay" when ordering then the date gets embarrassed


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

He's addicted to nose boogers.


----------



## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

hes in love with professor Utonium


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his interpretative dance of how the date is going is quite obnoxious


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Had to be neutured to stop him humping the postmans leg


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Cause he's double.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

because he has a different woman for every day of the week


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

makes soggy waffles (al dente)


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is always around a group of grunting, smelly pirates, and not a woman to be found!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is fashionably 3 days late for all his dates


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Eats 3 dates (the fruit) after consuming a filling platter of baklava (which he does daily); goes outside, and makes the world know the sheer power of his smelly burps.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

He brings his sock-puppet collection on dinner dates and reenacts all of his past relationships in the form of a musical.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a semi-permanent plumber's crack thing going on


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is _really_ curious about the plumber crack "thingy" and wouldn't hesitate to show great interest towards it even while his dates are present.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has been living in a huge mansion for the last 7 years, still has no idea which door leads to the outside


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

A slight whiff of the spooky left them incapacitated for many, many days.


----------



## penguinbeak (Jun 5, 2017)

Too many pubic hairs lodged in the drain


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too busy cuddling with her avian buddies.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Too spaced out.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

His training is more important to him.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Is to bland, needs to cover himself in ketchup and fried onions on next date.


----------



## JerryAndSports (Jul 13, 2018)

He's too cool for a relationship. His famous line is , "I dont look for girls, girls look for me."


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Too busy watching/playing sports.


----------



## SSJB (Aug 18, 2017)

He’s an android


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

takes dating advice from other posters in this thread


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Is very condesending


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

the beauty of his mustache makes people pass out, nobody manages to actually talk to him


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She drinks too much tea!


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

He drinks too much coffee.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't eat enough magic celery salad


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Is too hot.


(As in a bread who's just been taken out of the oven)


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

owns too many toasters


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

eats too many tacos


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

cans too many potatoes


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She is throwing all her cards away!


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

is a red eyed robot possibly of the terminator variety


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

They shoe stank


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

has fleas


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Got a case of the ol' dried earlobe


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Loves to lick the ears (even behind the ears. *wrinkles nose*), and poke around in there for ear wax too! Yum! (but not to them).


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his leg starts thumping when you scratch him behind the ears


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

The noble lord "Kun-kun" has declared him not fit to date due to his loud aroma, so he doesn't....


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his first name is missus making everything think he's a married woman


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Yellow lantern corp has snatched him up, and bound him in front of the cackling princess of darkness.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Thinks farts are the greatest sound ever.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

tries to pick up women by preening and engaging in an elaborate mating display/dance


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

He's too close to the farfegnugen.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

wears a lot of jean short shorts


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

insists on seeing his potential date's birth certificate and blood type analysis first, to make sure they're compatible


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Puts E in front of too many names


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Tried to sell himself on ebay.


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

Everyone's intimidated by their cleats.


----------



## JerryAndSports (Jul 13, 2018)

They prioritize video games over anybody else. (Aka me)


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

They prioritize video games over anybody else, apparently!


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Prioritised video games for 15 years (aka me)


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Because he's lost in the Wasteland


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a sunburned tongue


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He still thinks girls have cooties.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

won't date a guy who eats worms


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Everyone else is asleep in sleepyville


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sometimes runs out of languages to complain in


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

it's a constant struggle keeping her away from rabbit holes and looking glass


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

he's one of those people who won't be understood and appreciated until hundreds of years into the future


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He won't come find this spider for me.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

She's been hiding in her closet from the spider all this time


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

lives in the bathroom in between mugs of coffee


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Body paints his clothes on in the morning.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

farfegnugen said:


> lives in the bathroom in between mugs of coffee


 hilarious farffles.

Guy above lives in a zoo


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

She's to busy slaying vampires.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to wear matching clothes on dates so it's hard to tell who's who from behind


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is easily confused by the feminine intellect


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

doesn't bathe after going to the gym


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Talks to himself more than he talks to his dates.


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Doesn't share her cupcakes.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

smokes waffle crumbs


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

dumps toaster crumbs on your bed when she's mad at you


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her line of work demands no attachments.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Waits until after marriage to hold hands.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

has an extraordinarily longer lifespan then most, tends to crave blood


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Injects hot coffee straight into her lips.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

always forgets to buy milk


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a funny way of looking at things. Usually with her head under one arm while her eyes are crossed while she jumps on one foot.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He is actually the Mad Hatter.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Makes her dates try twenty batches of experimental cupcakes


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Because she's secretly a Russian hacker/spy who kills all of the men she sleeps with.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Drove his Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Did not cook the good old boys (his dates's brothers) their steaming apple pies.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to bring a spare date on dates in case the first one doesn't work out.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Knows how to dance, and he just won't quit... ever.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

takes his puppets with him on dates and lets them talk while he himself never says a word


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Is afraid of puppets.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Is to busy admiring her cupcake.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Too many puppet adventures.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Too squirrely.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

thinks oven gloves are too comfortable to ever be taken off. Wears them 24/7


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Sometimes carries old bananas


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

can't stop him from dancing naked on tables after a couple of drinks


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

His username not Murican enough! He can't Murica that much...prolly why. Yea.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Username hard to pronounce. Date: "So uh...Co...yur? Co...air? I'm s-sorry!"


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her bears tend to mistake her dates for food.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

everytime he goes out he tries to keep his pet snails under his hat but they tend to escape frequently


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Picks up dates on her "crotch rocket" then makes them ride in the rain with no slicker


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

leaves bear hair just about everywhere including the soup


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Stuck in a scream


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Offers his dates sewage soup


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wears masks made of old coffee cups.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Is a known barker and herder. :lol

That was meant for ATB, 

FD is a ninja.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is a very scary queen of the castle... Much like the one used in chess.... *sends out alarm alert to avoid and runs*


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Fever Dream said:


> Wears masks made of old coffee cups.


Close. Coffee filters 

omg double ninja

Shows his dates his collection of Geology books


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Gah... 2x the ninjagoery. 

Has total command over the ninjago force... making everything even scarier.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

single for being "Permanently Bland"


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Actually doesn't exist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Too busy trying to avoid Trump.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

too busy saving the world with his puppet friends


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

I'm not sure he is. I've heard he's just proposed to someone with an onion ring. I wonder how it went.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

nobody is good enough for me mum


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

as her mum, I of course don't allow her to go out if it's raining, sunny, windy or not windy enough outside.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Not enough squat thrusts.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Too bland.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

eats with his hands including soup and cereal


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Mimes his way through all conversations.


----------



## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

Is stuck at home with a fever


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

never leaves the house because she hasn't been able to find her right shoe for years


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She keeps throwing her cards away!


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Cock blocked by terminators that fear he'll father humanity's savior.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Watches too many marvel movies


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Because he is not first?


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is allergic to girl dander


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has a pet skunk.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has an online crush


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Plays eye tricks.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Because she's a weirdo.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Disgusted by, and in hiding from all cucumbers.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is the Grinch of Septamber


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his bathtub and all of the sinks in his house are always filled with living fishes


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Won't share the puddins


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Smells like bear pee.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Charges his dates by the minute.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

speaks at an uncomfortably loud volume


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Won't date anyone who cannot defeat him in a duel to the death.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has to wear floaties at the beach


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Always sleepy.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

he's closer than you think, which means he's probably hiding in the trunk of your car


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Tries to steal the lint out of peoples belly buttons.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Has no eyelids & bites his fingernails


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Keeps scaring women away with his huge plunger.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

is a terminator robot that kills humans


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Intimidates men in a Russian accent


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a coffee cup for a bottom lip.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is defeated by ninjas frequently


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I don't know.....thats life :stu


----------



## Notgoingout (Mar 19, 2015)

Quotes Macbeth which intimidates people that don't like Shakespeare and annoys those that know it to not be in Shakey's top 3


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Shoots laser pointers into peoples eyes.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has no eyelids.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has too many eyelids


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Kicks people aggressively in her sleep.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

touches first date's faces like the dude in the ava is touching his own face


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has all of his exes' names tattooed on his chin


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She lives in bread.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

expresses his feelings with a series of semi-offensive gestures


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Passionately debates touchy subjects on the first date, such as politics, religion, and NSync vs Backstreet Boys.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

gives every person he dates a 5 page long list with things they're not allowed to wear while in a relationship with him


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Hisses like a rabid cat at men who compliment her


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Struts back and forth shaking his tail-feather like a peacock on the first date.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

never walks or uses any kind of transportation other than ships


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Takes a wheelbarrow full of bread everywhere she goes


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Obsessively plunges all toliets.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

aggressively paints portraits


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

tells dates she has adopted twelve grown anxiety sufferers as her own children and rules her household with an iron fist


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Takes visitors into the special room to see The Iron Fist


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he is a big brown bear who goes around and yells "DANG" at innocent humans. :lol


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Too busy skulking on roof tops, and punching supervillans. "I AM CODEMONKEY!"


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

brings hand puppets on dates and insist they are included in the conversation. Also says things like "I didn't say that, Mr. Bananas did. You will need to look at him when you are talking about him."


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Is preoccupied with her elaborate plans to puppetnap Mr. Bananas.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is living in a Fever Dream


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he is a big scary wolf who hunts people down and eats them for dinner, even his dates. :lol


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

The shoes, they stank!


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Collects other peoples ear wax.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he lives no place we want to be. :lol


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

MiB erase the date's memory after the date and after a few dates she's practically a memory less vegetable making her pretty uninteresting.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

He keeps telling dates, “I’m too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts”.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Too busy going to Tosche station to pick up some power converters.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Knows too many Star Wars references.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Doesn’t know enough Star Wars references.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Knows only prequel Star Wars references.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

his knowledge of waffle irons is insufficient


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Waffles too much on whether or not to make us all waffles


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Tries to sell his dates life insurance.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Preaches what the right and wrong way is to hang the toilet paper.


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Too intimidating with her beauty and amazing personality. Oh, and she doesn't like gator. :b


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

(^ Thank you  )

makes them eat Hawaiian gator pizza on the first date.


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

(Now you have me wondering if that Hawaiian Gator pizza exists :O)

Makes her date eat Peruvian food on the first date.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

(I just made that up but maybe you can make it yourself and if its good, sell it! And ^ that would be a reason to marry someone because Peruvian food is awesome.)


requires them to use sharpies and fill in tattoos on a first date


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

(Sounds like a business plan, millionaire here I come. :lol I will have to try Peruvian food again. :b)

She brings the wrong color sharpies.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Because he's now married to moderating.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his puppet friends have no intention of sharing him with a nice girl and will take whatever means necessary to ensure that (play creepy, horror movie music)


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't have time, is preoccupied with his snail farm 5 days a week, smokes catnip with his cats on the weekends


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Smokes ketchup


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Popped a chubby fish with a needle


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Quacks up the wrong river


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

Has not yet found someone who can stand him smuggling tiny rocks to his bed.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Bathes in a tub full of ramen noodles.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is preoccupied with teaching Chinese to a pigeon he's found in his garden


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Too busy studying.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

is addicted to smoking newspaper pages 24/7


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Stopped answering my phone calls.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has been calling the wrong number all this time


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a witch!


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Doesn't believe in toilet paper


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

couldn't get his doctor to write him an excuse for missing his last date. Turns out she's now dating the doctor


----------



## lackofflife (Mar 24, 2015)

because he doesn't like eggs


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to spill stuff on whomever he's dating's favorite clothes


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he is dazed and confused... "Thumbs up if anyone gets the Led Zeppelin reference"


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

spends Friday nights cruising for the new crop of freshman


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has a microscopic pet that he insists dates meet right away


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a phallic-shaped pet he insists dates meet right away.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

tries to convince his dates to get a tattoo of his name above their eyebrow


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

@EBecca C'mon, it would look GREAT on you!


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

@Karsten Okay but you'll pay for the tattoo. Which eyebrow should I choose?


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Which is your dominant hand?


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

Not sure what this has to do with my eyebrows 🤔 will I have to tattoo myself?


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Plays the ketchup like an instrument


----------



## kikoni (Sep 10, 2018)

Plays instruments with ketchup


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Refers to waitress as "string bean"


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Uses fish scented bodywash.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Goes on double-dates with his puppet, but the puppet always takes both dates home


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks dates to "pardon his fluffy"


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Women are intimidated by his diverse stamp collection and bird-watching abilities.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Mug shot appears on The Smoking Gun.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Mug shot appears on the wall of every restaurant in his area with the caption: "DO NOT SERVE THIS MAN"


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Catchphrase is "can I get a whiff?"


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Not as funny as he thinks.


----------



## AlexTheGr8 (Sep 20, 2018)

Cause he is a lone wolf. And maybe also has rabies?


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Does an evil laugh every time their date has a sip of their beverage.


----------



## AlexTheGr8 (Sep 20, 2018)

How did you know? :evil






Has too much caffeine


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Wears a devilish banana suit on first dates.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

does the chicken dance when she wants to catch a guy's attention on the dance floor


----------



## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Is attracted to chickens.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His heart belongs to weed.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is an avid collector of drift wood


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Gets ninjered even on dates


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Only wears drift wood


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Deletes posts instead of editing.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has a USB powered alter


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

twytarn said:


> Deletes posts instead of editing.


:lol I tried, my phone glitched. I will hand in my engineering card effective immediately.

Is really the invisible man so their dates keep thinking they're being stood up.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Is too beautiful for mere mortals like me to grasp. >


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Her idea of a fun is chugging iced coffee and reading the dictionary.

*EDIT* Has a hard time staying awake during small talk.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Edits all his dates.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

(I like reading the dictionary..)

Challenges them to a chess battle on the first date.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Challenges them to chest battle


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Ekardy said:


> (I like reading the dictionary..)
> 
> Challenges them to a chess battle on the first date.


Wait is this not a romantic thing to do?
@funnynihilist has to facetime with his mom during every date.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Karsten said:


> Wait is this not a romantic thing to do?


It is for me but look who you're asking.

Makes them do a scavenger hunt to find his best friend, a squirrel.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Does a weird trick with napkin holders, I shan't say more


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Only communicates in morse code.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

sprinkles dates with pumpkin spice and says "there, thats better"


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

sends a bill to his dates for his time and expertise


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Constantly talks about his one time with a Spice Girl.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Asks that her dates bring a resume and cover letter.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires a view of his dates credit score.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Chews openly over the salad bar


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Goes to Arby's on the first date and puts horsey sauce on all the food.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires his date to bring weed suppositories. :O


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Welp, I just learned something new that I didn't really want to know existed. :lol

She is out of everyone's league.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

I just read about them today. The more you know I guess, lol.

Asks his date to help him with the weed suppository. :lol


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

:haha

She forgot to bring the weed suppositories. :b


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks dates if they would mind checking him for hemorrhoids


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Sings "Let it go" to his date in the restroom.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tokes up during mini golf then makes dates contemplate the meaning of hole 12


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Livestreams his dates on Youtube and reminds viewers to "like and subscribe" every 30 seconds


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires the date to give them a piggy back ride to and from the car.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Cops out of giving piggy back rides by saying, "My back is hurting".


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Complains about the cable bill for 30 minutes during first date


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Gives his dates squirting flowers and makes their food disappear.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refuses to share french fries.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes them share their french fries because she didn't order her own.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Shows up with a bright yellow car with "Live Love Laugh" painted on it bigly


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Ekardy said:


> Makes them share their french fries because she didn't order her own.


:blush I actually have done this, lol. But, I get sick of french fries after eating like 5 of them, so...


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Tries to squeeze the word 'bigly' into as many sentences as possible.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Yells "vendetta! vendetta!" at all his dates when they walk away.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Drives a Honda Cervix


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Serenades his dates with armpit music.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tries to gets dates into a pyramid scheme selling "Couch" bags


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

plays really loud children's music during dinner


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Plays her own original hip-hop album during dinner. It's straight fire, but not appropriate for a family-friendly restaurant


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

Too bright for anyone to handle.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

during first dates he usually holds a lecture on the anatomy and function of alien eyes vs human eyes


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Screams CHANGE PLACES! once every hour. Preferably in crowded places.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Answers every question with a knock-knock joke.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts guys in submission holds while she yells "who's your daddy?"


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Likes his dates grabbing him in a submissive hold and asking him "who's your daddy?".


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Prefers to date her dates' daddies.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

He's looking for a specific type of sugar momma.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

mixed up the love potion recipe with the turn-into-a-frog recipe again and she refuses to kiss a frog


----------



## AlexTheGr8 (Sep 20, 2018)

Makes inappropriate jokes on first date


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires all dates to write a thesis as to why they would be a perfect match.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

ends dates by trying out her mace


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes his dates recreate the "I'm flying" scene from Titanic, on top of a car.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Crumbles crackers into date's coffee


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Insists his date supersizes her meal and gets the commemorative cup


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Takes his dates to eat at the finest dumpsters.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Invites date over to cut the grass


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Is too busy tripping on shrooms, then racing his technicolor horse.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wears his Halloween sombrero, 24/7


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Eats a large bowl of candy every day.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tries to lure dates with the offer of a variety of shauces


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

2 many rools 4 making 3 egg rolls


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Likes being fed like a baby bird by their date.


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

She doesn't share her vodka.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Vip3r said:


> She doesn't share her vodka.


I will always share my vodka.  (if I can sharpie your tattoo :lol)

He challenges them to a watermelon eating contest on the first date.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Cuz she is so smoking hot that anyone who comes within her vicinity is instantly vaporized. :kiss

...

That was bad. :lol


----------



## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

He drives away in his fast car before his date can get in.



Ekardy said:


> I will always share my vodka.  (if I can sharpie your tattoo :lol)


Deal, you only got five more days to get it done. :b


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Cuz she is so smoking hot that anyone who comes within her vicinity is instantly vaporized. :kiss


That was sweet thank you. 

Gives dates little bottles of Pepto-Bismol instead of flowers.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

cuz she has priorities that don't revolve around being attached at the moment, of course!!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has her heart set on shirtless Putin


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Expects his dates to provide brownies.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

wears halloween costumes everyday


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Filled a balloon with stove top stuffing and gave it to date


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Ekardy said:


> iAmCodeMonkey said:
> 
> 
> > Cuz she is so smoking hot that anyone who comes within her vicinity is instantly vaporized.
> ...


No problemo.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

is quite advanced and waiting for the right one to level up so they can enjoy the game together


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Cuz she is a hot Russian mobster. I love those. Lol.



A Toxic Butterfly said:


> is quite advanced and waiting for the right one to level up so they can enjoy the game together


Aw yeah, I am totally waiting for my player two! Lol.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Does lots of jingling when he walk


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

too steep of a stud fee


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes them bring a sacrificial ostrich egg for the first date.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Because she's too beautiful, and her beauty causes men's hearts to fail.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Pours ketchup on the date's foot


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Pours mayo and mustard in dates hands and has them finger paint on the table.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Does background checks on dates to see whose side their on, Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

spends all her time developing and promoting her Namaste yogurt business venture


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps falling asleep in his soup


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asks to inspect their navel


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Has them memorize the first 30 numbers of Pi in the beginning and later has them recite it.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

speaks in advanced numerical language nobody understands


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Is looking for a specific 'Prinze'


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

"hi, meet my pet skunk!" She says with a look of anticipation


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Is a shapechanging animal not suited for homosapien relationships


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires a 3000 word essay from their date describing which Jonas brother is their favorite


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Believes her dates are stealing her socks; interrogates them at length about it.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

forgot all his sock puppets and ended up on a date with himself


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too busy playing the a game.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps asking their date "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asked date if they want a popping tooty


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

loves garlic way too much


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps finding coins behind her dates ears


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

^ (haha that's cute)

Does the chicken dance whenever she or date orders/mentions chicken.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Makes a face much like her avatar whenever her dates start talking.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Refuses to ever take off his sunglasses and gets sensitive when dates bring it up.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Brings a dozen butterflies to fly around the table on the first date.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Needs to arm westle her dates every ten minutes.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Needs to bring his own audience to act as his 4th wall during a date.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Is a huge fan of turtlenecks and sunglasses.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires dates to beat him at chess in 4 moves.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Is a sore loser at chess and also refuses to pay for her own Cherry Cola. :serious:


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Will not buy dates Cherry Cola and refuses to believe he lost.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Worse temper than Gloria Delgado-Pritchett


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

embraces a hedonistic lifestyle that involves an excessive consumption of cheese


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps chasing after spider-pig, leaving his date behind.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

can hypnotize people with you're feeling very sleepy, but then gets bored and goes for ice cream completely forgetting to tell them to wake back up again.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Mysteriously falls asleep while ordering the wrong kind of ice cream and his date needs to go find the right one.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Takes her dates out for dinner, but makes them sit outside while she eats.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes his date do the cha cha while simultaneously balancing a plate on their head.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tells every date they smell like onion soup


----------



## stratsp (Jul 30, 2018)

has 100's of bunnies following him everywhere


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Used gum collector


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

still wearing the same clothes from when he was 14 despite them being several sizes too small


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Thinks that you bowl with your feet and refuses to wear shoes everywhere he goes


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

apparently has a shoe fetish and likely steals shoes off of people's feet when they're not looking


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Showed date the pics he took of the whizzarrds gnarly feet


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wears clothing made out of legos.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his choice of pizza toppings leave a lot to be desired and can make a date with a delicate stomach nauseous


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Says nom nom nom deliberately every time he eats.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

She'll steal ya graavy


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

walks kind of funny after riding a horse all day


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Eats his peas one at a time.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

the great basement escape to prove their worthiness has claimed a lot of unworthy guys


----------



## anxious87 (Oct 6, 2013)

They made smart choices


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Too busy hunting for sunken treasure.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is way too contagious


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Caught whatever I have. 

...and honestly, I do have a cold right now. :lol


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

sneezed on his date's pasta primavera


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Caught my cold too.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears lighted sign on head "contagious!"


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Is invisible to the eye.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Forgets to wear his nice clothes over his telletubby costume.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes date read facts n' trivia off of note cards


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Starts each date by singing In A Gadda Da Vida three times.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Picks up his date on a 2-person tandem bicycle, but makes her walk alongside as he and his puppet pedal.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes his dates walk the plank.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Makes it clear upfront that any potential marriage suitor will have to take her last name and first name.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Shows up pretending to be his identical twin, and profusely apologizes that "his real self" is running late. Procedes to hit on date as the identical twin.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is obsessed with his belly button


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Brings an accordion and plays "Baby got back" for his twerking puppet.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Insists dates pass an FBI background check before she'll date them.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Asks his dates to walk his pet skunks for him.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he is a fluffy puppet who lives in a fever dream. :grin2:


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Spills crumbs in date's Escalade


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has a weird looking horse.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has made to Whizzardette mad too many times and now there is cursed


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

religiously works out only one side of his body


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He's waiting for his fairy princess.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

will not try on a glass slipper unless you buy her lunch and scrub her floors first


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Waiting for his hairy princess​


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Turns back into a pumpkin at midnight.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Does his "business" inside of a jack-o-lantern, places it outside of a neighbors residence while proceeding to light the contents inside, and yelling "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" followed by a few choice obscenities and making a run for it. He does it everyday, and once, excused himself from a date session just to do it... right in front of the date herself!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

wears Halloween costumes that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

he'd rather go on dates with Halloween costumes by themselves but for some reason they always show up with a person


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Always gets candy wasted before dates


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Serenades dates with an electric lute


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Tells his dates he is a stud and shows up as a horse.


----------



## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

just because


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

It's hard to find people to date when you're a sapient owl.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears that tea bag as jewelry


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Asks dates if they want to see his "mole".


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Asks dates if they want to braid his backhair.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

eats with his feet despite having foot mouth disease


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Always asks to be seated by the restroom


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Always eats in the restroom.


----------



## Everlily (Sep 14, 2018)

Acts like a monkey.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wants to learn more... about all her dates ex's.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Talks a lot about talking


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Talks a lot about his nose hairs.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps asking dates to trim his nose hairs.


----------



## Valkatox (Oct 3, 2018)

Keeps wanting to marry their favourite dakimakura pillow.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has combined sumo and belly dancing into one interesting art form


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

thinks speaking in falsetto voice is his sexy voice


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Dresses like a bridesmaid.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

also dresses like a bridesmaid


----------



## Valkatox (Oct 3, 2018)

Keeps wanting to get with the other bridesmaids that aren't real bridesmaids.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is recovering from a dating injury


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Can't stop flarting. Gah... get some therapy for that or something! *covers shirt over nose, and hobbles out of there*


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

most of his clothes have mustard stains on them


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Brings his pet toaster on all of his dates.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

suggests fasting and watching paint dry as wallet friendly activities he likes to do on dates


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Insists dates always pay their own way.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is going his own way... and nothing shall stand in his way, else, he will not hesitate to bulldoze over it.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has extremely cold under-the-blanket feet


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

finds it hilarious to continue to shock his dates with static fingers


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a thing for Ross or Brad Pitt


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he keeps posting in this thread... just kidding!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts women he's attracted to on a pedastal after he's dipped them in quick dry concrete


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

farfegnugen said:


> puts women he's attracted to on a pedastal after he's dipped them in quick dry concrete


>

Bwahaha.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is into illegal street racing.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Is a workaholic.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Has a black heart.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Everything he touches dies, reaper curse and all that.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Waiting for the perfect human.... (pssst those don't exist) 💔😔


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Ran out of time for now, dinners ready.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Left his heart on the Nurburgring.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sits on the streets for hours talking to stray cats in sign language


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes dates watch American Ninja Warrior reruns


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Makes dates eat horsey sauce on their sandwiches.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Covered up ankle monitor in tinder profile, everyone knows those are like gold!


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

asks his dates if they're interested in a pony ride and winks at them uncomfortably.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Too rich to be in a relationship.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Speaks in her own fictional languages, and requires dates to bring their own translator.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Only has 3 fingers on each hand.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Discusses how many wolf cubs will be had on first date and that he intends on bringing date home to his cave to tend to his pack.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Own too many cats.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has blue hair.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is in deep, deep crap and is struggling to climb out.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Demands that his dates refer to him Pharaoh.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has fake eyes.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Pours on the flart.... far too strongly.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Likes his tuna baths far too much.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Never takes his glasses off


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Tap dances to the bathroom


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Uses mittens as shoes and socks as ear muffs


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Is chaperoned on her dates by 96 pigeons.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Breaks into song and dance when the waiter comes over


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wants to practice judo on her dates.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps trying to take his dates on crazy puppet adventures to Chinatown.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Gives all her dates a big squishy bear hug and ends up suffocating them to death.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Asked why the rug was squishy in a certain spot


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

He's far too occupied; he's currently obsessively working on a string of code that never seems to end................


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Makes his dates sit in the back seat of his car, because his imaginary friend likes riding 'shotgun'.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

keeps chewing on his own hand during dinner


----------



## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

Won't respond to my emails.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Won't email back to some guy named Harvey Respond


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Drinks too many Harvey Wallbangers.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Made a new drink, the Harvey Weinstein


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her house is far too high on the mountains.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Gets ninjered at the front door


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Trampled a teletubby.


----------



## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

Only eats yellow foods.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because anime girls aren't real.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He looks too intimidating in his military outfit.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Gets intimidated easily.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Gets intimate easily


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because nobody likes a horse on drugs.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Poses seductively on top of a drugged up horse.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Only dates jawas.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Keeps falling for spam emails from “sexy singles in your area that want to meet you!”


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Blinds dates with his beams.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is a puppet monkey


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has a Trump tattoo.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Uses magic to turn her dates into toads.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has no teeth.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Serenades his dates with the song Hungry Like the Wolf every hour.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Doesn't like when people pull his tail, yet everyone does


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Uses dates as a pretense to reap their souls.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Judge's books by their cover


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Treats his dates as auditions to the blue man group.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Is physically unable to go on a single date without proposing


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Brags about the time he "almost killed a guy".


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Will only date people that beat him in a hot dog eating contest.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

His eyeballs dry up & fall out cause he has no eyelids


----------



## Meisha12 (Oct 20, 2018)

He's dated before only to find out that all of those dates took place in the future.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Too many fish in the sea.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

treats his dates like they're in a job interview


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

keeps adopting stray adults for children and cares for an elderly man and his talking horse.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

No good candidates? :stu


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

^ Aw that's sweet Kevin 

Is practicing patience and waiting on the right person with the matching scripture coffee mug.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Writes too many songs about her ex-boyfriends.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Carries a baby doll around 24-7


----------



## Meisha12 (Oct 20, 2018)

Because she won't tell me why I can't edit my posts here.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Because they probaly not using Desktop view on the Browser to edit their post.

* *


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I don't know. :stu Ask her? :stu


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't eat his Wheaties


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Waiting for the one for him.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Spends too much time with koalas


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

shouts Kenny at random intervals confusing his dates. Also refers to them all by the name Kenny.


----------



## birddookie (Jan 8, 2018)

She keeps trying to date guys named Kenny, who keeps getting killed by b********.


----------



## Meisha12 (Oct 20, 2018)

He is too beautiful to behold and all of the girls don't think that they are worthy to approach him to ask for a date.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is a vegan that eats animal crackers sigh


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Too hypo due to too much coffee. But he will be all good tomorrow. :b


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He revs his engine to the redline in every gear and scares his dates away.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

He monkeys around like the monkees do -






Then he saw her face, now he is a believer. Then is in love, yeah, yeah, yeah. :grin2:


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Spends his dates showing off pictures of his cat's licking themselves.


----------



## Meisha12 (Oct 20, 2018)

Shows his date pictures of his 9 adorable kids.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Tries to capture her dates in giant poke balls.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Takes dates home to see his collection of "Bigfoot droppings".


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Feeds them to the wolves


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Makes life sized mashed potato sculptures of his dates.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Does the Fonz Ayy to his dates -






:b


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

He would rather be jumping sharks.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

His car is eco friendly.. (holes in the floor so everyone powers it with their feet)... yaba daba doo


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Calls all dates "dude".


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Refers to all his dates as wemon


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

:lol 

Makes her dates pie when they are cake people.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Likes to eat food while making love


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Leaves crumbs in the bed. :b


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Likes to show dates their worm farm.

-----------------



A Toxic Butterfly said:


> Refers to all his dates as wemon


Actually it's "wimin".


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Confuses worms, wemon, wimin down at the by you. :b


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Thinks it's funny to sneak angry weasels down the back of his dates shirt.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

treats his dates to puppet shows every 3 hours


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Already taken and in love with the man next door who has many dates (fruit) on the tree. :b


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is on the redline.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

wears a straitjacket with a criminally insane asylum emblem on the front on most of his dates


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Goes argh and runs from his dates. :b


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

only dates women in their 80s and they keep dying on him


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Goes out on dinner dates just to collect his dates used napkins.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

breaks up when his SO uses the wrong shampoo brand


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Scares away suiters with superior wit 😁


----------



## Road to Recovery (Jan 17, 2018)

Tin Foil HAt


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

likes to walk backwards


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Got dumped by Neo for the lady in red


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

how dare you :wife 

Laughs at dates when they tell serious stories


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Enters the Matrix where Neo is virtual. :b


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

cuz he is stuck in tha 80's :lol


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

cuz he terminates his dates


----------



## D'avjo (Sep 23, 2018)

cuz he has no idea what to do with it


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because his dates wanted to party all the time -






:O


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

picks up his dates on his bicycle and lets her pedal up the hills


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He ain't single, he is all luvy duvy!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Just too cool for those wimmin. :b


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

ANX1 said:


> Just too cool for those wimmin. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

He stopped dating in the name of love -


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

feels a need to correct a date's grammar as well as offer ways to improve her appearance


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Only dates Victoria's Secret Angels. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Only dates modsters. :b


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Because He's too good looking for Women.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because he only wants the best.  :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Turns on the Neon sign which says only dating modsters here. :b :lol


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Smokes too much. :cig


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

His private plane is too fast to pickup, date wimmin.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

regurgitates food on his date's plate to make it easier for her to eat as a loving gesture


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

wears unknown people's teeth around his neck


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Gargles in public


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Slaps dates.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Tells dates how they could be getting better rates while the waiter waits


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

sprays her with lysol and wipes her down with chlorox wipes


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Brings his emotional support blowup doll on dates


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

can cook tomato soup that is pretty good but not good enough


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Demands perfection of tomato soup.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

cooks illegal things with her witch friends


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

My marriage proposals have been going straight to her spam folder.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has been sending automatic marriage proposal emails to strangers and is currently too overwhelmed by all the positive responses


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

was busted again for trying to sell wonderland mushrooms


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Always follows the Neon sign that leads to butters clone. :b


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Believes skunk oil cologne is a great idea.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a hard time sharing a bed due to night sweats.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

^ is not and should be home for dinner :wife


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Thinks Buffy is Neo. :b


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

He's too fast.


----------



## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

Compulsively slaps toddlers right in their 'stupid ****ing faces'.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Sings Japanese metal songs loudly all day (and night).


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

starts whispering creepy poems when you least expect it


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't like creepy poems, apparently.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Eats children @[email protected]


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Does'nt eat children.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too scary. *sniff*


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is possessed by the lost soul of an evil banana


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Makes deep "ooooooo" sounds; even turned it into a creepy chant.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his birthday is on February 29th making him 5 years old


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Tried to go on a date in his birthday suit and butters sent him home. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Forgot butters birthday and his suit. :O :b


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Tries to convince his dates to "drink the kool-aid", and go to heaven with him.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Created a hand puppet of butters and Neo in love. :O :b


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Stole that hand puppet, and uses it as his wingman. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

:lol He winged that one and the result was..... :b


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

gives out crappy Halloween candy and keeps all the good stuff for himself


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Because butterfly finally found out about his erotic Mr. Potatohead collection.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

^ LMAO

because he likes avocados too much


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Caught secretly looking at his Mr. Potatohead collection. :b


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He is not on this earth anymore! He is in heaven now! :lol


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

serving 5 to 10 for beating ANX1 to death with his own foot


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Insists that dates must be exactly 178 cm (5 feet 10 inches) because 1 + 7 = 8, and 5 * 2 = 10, and that's only the beginning......


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Gives his dates the wrong kind of pearl necklace


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

most of his clothes are kind of crunchy


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Shoots out laser beams when he takes his shades off


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Too awesome.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Extremely observant, maybe a little too much haha


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Permanently poopy?. :O


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

He's constantly chewing on eucalyptus leaves.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

They're a puppet.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Tooo cool.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

They're a muppet.

*EDIT* Ninja'd.

ANX1 is single because he'd rather devote his time to the demanding and consuming art of origami.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His cat gets too jealous when he dates.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by cookies. :b


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Too cuddly, no one person can handle it.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by peanut butter. :b


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

distracted by cars


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by mister anderson. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by mrs anderson. :O :b


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Distracted by Mr and Mrs Anderson


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

:lol Distracted by cooking. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by in love smiley. :b


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

At the end of the date instead of a goodnight hug, he mugs her


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Scares his dates away. :b


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Makes them a burnt grilled cheese which is like a huge turn off to ladies


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Expects a different cake for each day of the week.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

serves them itty-bitty lil cakes


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

lives entirely on donuts


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

ends up breaking women's remote controls


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Followed the wrong neon sign. :b


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Is obsessed with sammiches


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Is obsessed with Aliens. :b


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Devoted themselves to Amonism


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Distracted by Mrs Snail. :b


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Turns up with another woman as scheduled the dates wrong. :O


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Expects his dates to only eat eucalyptus.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

Her Nicolas Cage obsession has given her unreleastic expectations in men.


----------



## BeamingNow (Jun 12, 2018)

For obvious reasons.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

For obtuse reasons


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Can't compare to Nicolas Cage.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Gets ninjered too easy


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

flirts with himself every time he walks by a mirror


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Took it too far and kissed the mirror passionately, making his reflection slap him & run away.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Doesn't know how to properly seduce a mirror image.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

sends letters with one word answers


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Throws birthday cakes at dates.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

throws dates at birthday cakes


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Is wanted by the FBI cake cruelty division.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has a restraining order from a bakery


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Shoots his slime absolutely everywhere


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Keeps leaving me at Whole Foods with questionable company


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She is so toxic that any man who comes in contact with her is instantly poisoned and under her spell. For life. :lol


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I don't think any of us should be single in this life. He seems like a good guy!


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He should not be single either. 



I_Exist said:


> He seems like a good guy!


Thanks man! :high5


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

3 divorces!


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

has spent 10 years in jail for cookie theft


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Is an attorney who always gets her clients the maximum sentence.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

Is one of my clients. Sorry about the jail sentence. He shouldn't have parked his car in a no-parking zone though.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Has an intense fear of toasters and refuses to date anyone who has one


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Refuses to come save me :wife


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

collects drinking straw wrappers


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts his fingers in his ears and shouts, "I'm not listening" any time his date says she has something important to ask.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Why do we do this to each other? :stu Lets all just marry each other. :lol


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

can't afford dating with all the alimony he pays out


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears a tie around his waist like a belt.


----------



## SSJB (Aug 18, 2017)

She is probably too nice


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is beyond the dating gunk.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his body language says he's unapproachable, but it turns out it's just his underwear is too tight


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears Hello Kitty boxer shorts.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Sticks her head in the cookie jar.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Says I'll be back and doesn't come back.  :b


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Is only allowed to date members of a royal family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because does a woopsy and says oh, oh.  :b


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Engaged to his work as a koala scooper upper


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He is too busy having fun driving his car around.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

working on his monk merit badge


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has a pet badger.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Carries pumpkin pie in his pocket.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Spends too much time in the attic


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

suffers from gimp envy


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Accidentally opened the gate to hell.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Got stuck in the cookie jar


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

her Molang ears can hear what guys are thinking before they say it


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Only dates "a" thread posters and she's already rejected him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Has a triangle on his head


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Too much radiation.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Tries to make his dates eat fried eggs.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

... :stu


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

No idea, she's a sweetheart but maybe because she's also a secret potato


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

fondly reminds me of pringles


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Makes a platter filled with different pringle flavors and calls it a gourmet meal.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Is one hell of a cookie thief. :lol


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

struggles to keep his cookies safe from miscreants


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears blue cheese shoes.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

His girlfriend died in a fire set by herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

On another planet, nanu, nanu. :b


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Lives on Koala Island with the animals!


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in the Bates Motel with his mother.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Bonafide wackaloon.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Picky eater.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

twytarn said:


> Lives in the Bates Motel with his mother.


>


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Neo said:


> Not content with being a code monkey, goes on dates wearing a monkey suit


"makes monkey noises"






>


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

They're still waiting for me to date them after I had rejected them: (



This is not a customize signature for Tapatalk


----------



## Arlene.Y (Dec 1, 2018)

Their dog is violently jealous...


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is extremely ticklish


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

His tickle sessions are especially unforgiving; for they force "everything" out.... all of their mental / bodily fluids splattered about in plain sight.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has a problem with table manners.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't have any chocolate milk for his dates.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Has yet to put up her Christmas tree.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Doesn't sort his recyclables


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

all her electronics are powered by photosynthesis


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Has erotic photos of electronics all over his bedroom.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has an extensive ugly Christmas sweater collection that she starts wearing in April.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Holiday mooning... every time around


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has an uncontrollable yawning disorder


----------



## shysean (Dec 10, 2018)

too sexy for everybody else


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

hasn't found anyone that meets his standards yet


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Has way to many sharp teeth.:O


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

joined the Peace Corps and was immediately shipped to Antarctica


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Instead of a bouquet of flowers, he brings a bouquet of seven feathers. One for each day of the week to tickle him with.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She gives her dates pickle flavored candy canes!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

tortures innocent gingerbread cookies for information on the muffin man, or so I hear


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Demands his dates drink boiling fluids.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts antifreeze in his ice cream


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

regularly cuts his own hair using a butter knife


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has her own toaster to snuggle up against and keep warm


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

has a doorbell that looks like a ding dong


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Clips his toenails during dinner.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

never listens to anything his date says because he's too busy playing imaginary chess games in his head


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Does impromptu splits in the middle of the restaurant, making people clap, and the date turn red


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Scares his dates away by wearing a spooky skull mask.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

bathes with fish oil and sour milk


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears a garlic clove necklace for fear of getting bitten by a vampire.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Shoots potential dates from a helicopter using a tranquilizer gun then puts them in a small cage for the first date.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

holds his breath until the girl goes away


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Pinches his nose every time his dates breathe or talk.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

hangs out in his "no girls allowed" clubhouse all the time


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Feeds his dates Scooby snacks.


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Is presently ensnared in a shoebox style fairy trap.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Is a hoooodlum


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Needs to spend more time working on his nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills and computer hacking skills


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Has mad skillz but hides them under a robe


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Beeped at a bug


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is a space alien.


----------



## Quietguy86 (Aug 12, 2018)

Cause it annoys him when people don't pronounciate(or spell) properly


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

For security reasons am I also not allowed to tell you


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has an uncontrollable drooling problem when he's around people he's attracted to


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has twigs for arms.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is tired of being objectified by women everywhere


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

has been burned one too many times by fairy dust


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wouldn't​ let date drive the golf cart around at Coachella


----------



## AliceKawaiiDreams (Jan 1, 2019)

Is in the wrong dimension.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Avast me hearties, she'll rob you of your plunder. I am really bad at piratinese


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Sat on the shelf to long, now past "best before" date, its ok a hobo might grab u outa the dumpster or maybe a seagull at the landfill.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is completely inedible and will likely turn you blue if you try


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refused to steal a blue french horn for me.


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Has not yet split into two separate pieces or became a pair by some other means.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is a Sisyphus


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Keeps stealing all the marshmallows from his dates Lucky Charms :bah


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I think this is really simple. She's so sweet that when men kiss her, she just melts away. Then reforms some place else.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wrote a screenplay for a chick flick about teleportation


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is too busy working on his kissing teleportation thesis so he can rob me of my lucky charms


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

makes cereal wedding favors during lunch break at the office


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Is in a committed relationship with his recliner.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Declines any date who would like to recline


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Offers to show his dates to the barn


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Takes her dates to a square dance.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Demands dates to do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around.

That's what it's all about.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refused to put her right foot in.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Makes her dates sit on tuffets where spiders sit beside them and frighten them away.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

too busy chasing itsy bitsy spiders up waterspouts


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Part time Smurf


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

Asks people to be the tic to his tac


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Downloaded the Tic Tok app from an unknown source


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Sings “Go go Power Rangers” and fights the wait staff.


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Is lost in some sort of alternate balloon reality.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is worn out from pushing a boulder up a hill.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Has'nt been forced to marry his sister in a shotgun wedding yet : /


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

patiently waiting for Keira Knightley to divorce


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is in dire need of a permanent breath-mint.


----------



## karenw (Aug 20, 2012)

He/She is too afraid.


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Is colder than ice.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Is part of the big bang theory.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is sort of a hybrid of Cosmos Kramer, Sheldon Cooper, and Groot


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Too involved with that phantom they believe to be their "hubby" (figment of imagination).


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Because I can't see her. I like her name, her taste in music, her personality and the fact she's British (British women have nice eyes). I'd marry her if I could see her. OK. Probably not but that's no offense intended. I just ain't a marry man.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Met a girl, had a relationship, and was left at the altar all in course of one sentence


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Serves salad for dessert.


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Likes ketchup on her tomatos


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Perms his nose & ear hair


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Is too busy for dates with the blue man tour


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Is constantly rebooting.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to flaunt what he's got in a pair of booty shorts


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

After he farfed that nugen, he was no longer seen as the sweet, arm-flailing cartoon hedgehog-freak that all the boys and girls came to know and love.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

treasures his alone time just a little too much


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Replaced the chocolate in the box with toenail clippings


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

intimidates people with having both beauty and brains


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

turns into a werewolf whenever it rains


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Brings date in to watch a movie and watches the weather channel instead


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in a boot.


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Lives in a port-a-potty.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Doesn't eat all his veggies


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Few people can meet the standard of a well cultivated potato


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Aww, too sweet


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too much vitamin A.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

She's a total weirdo.


----------



## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

Negative self talk


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Never stops dancing.

Btw, my previous post was a reference to you being a sweet potato, lol.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Too strange


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

probably has mange


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Lives in a cage.


----------



## Tomorrowisalongtime (Jan 15, 2019)

Because every single man is blind


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

does art with foil and used chewing gum


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Will drop whatever he's doing and sprint outside if he hears the ice cream truck.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

asked date if he can nickname her "teet"


----------



## Tomorrowisalongtime (Jan 15, 2019)

Looks like Bill Murray


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refuses to chase the ice cream truck for his date. She really wants that ice cream.

Double ninja!! :wife


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Demands her lovers make her a 270 gallon mug of hot cocoa so she can lean over it in her fancy earmuffs and warm her handz.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

has a homemade volcano in his car trunk


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

regularly shaves blind-folded while spinning in a circle


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Drives a Volkswagen.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

puts really weird stuff on pancakes


----------



## peacewillwinfearwilllose (Jan 17, 2019)

She's not great at putting her thoughts into actual human words + places her date on a pedalstool before she even knows him that well (feels like everyone is out of her league, lives in her own head too much.)


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

seems like he knows me too well and should quit spying on me


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Says argh, runs away on dates.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to administer a test in 3 parts to potential dates prior to the pre-date interview and dress rehearsal


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Failed the second part of the test.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Makes her lovers sleep on a bed of icicles.


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Broke wind at the wind museum


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Oprah has blacklisted him from all women for a reason she won't divulge


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Screams obscenities when Dr Phil comes on TV


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has grown tired of having to go on shows to do paternity testing


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Too busy watching Youtube Videos.

_ SPIRITO BAMBITO_


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Waiting to kiss a frog that then becomes a prince charming.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Is secretly in love with Princess Leia.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Secretly in love with Han Solo.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has problems handling his light saber


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Pretends to be a saber-toothed tiger on dates.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too weird for this world.


----------



## Valkatox (Oct 3, 2018)

Calls everything they eat a 'chocolate bon bon bon bon'.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

seems a little bit too good for me


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Too hot to handle.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

lives in the land of ice and snow and big fluffy mittens


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wears a fake snoot


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Rejects a world of colour in favor of black and white.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

doesn't keep his eyes on the road


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Only has eyes for women whose initials are V.W.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has a problem with a guy wanting to wear Vera Wang


----------



## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Knew too much about that next-gen Newgen mutagen.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

was recently cast as the lead in the Harry Potter reboot


----------



## PCGamer (Feb 28, 2019)

Because girls like to play with snowballs (watched it on TV) and the guy above hates snow I suppose


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

He shouldn't be, he's a PC gamer. Maybe it's because on every date, he goes on at length about the ray tracing capabilities of his GTX2080ti.


----------



## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

Too busy worrying about being abducted by aliens.


----------



## PCGamer (Feb 28, 2019)

His/Her nickname is one letter!


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

was once beaten by a 4 year old in fortnite


----------



## exceptionalfool (Nov 30, 2018)

Just wont let it happen. Keeps rejecting my advances. I left 26 messages on his answering machine and he never called me back. What gives?


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is currently dating my old answering machine


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

he's not, still legally married to his answering machine


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Because they convince Netflix to remove Star Wars: Clone Wars. Now the whole would is mad.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Because waiting for the right man.


----------



## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

Too anxious


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Too amazing, so much so that is taken. Lucky man.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Needs to purchase the four leaf clover boxers and socks combo


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Stole the pot of gold from under the rainbow. Now he's cursed.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Her dates are allergic to fairy dust.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Plays with voodoo dolls.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Wears bunny rabbit ears to her dates and scares potential prospects away. Lol.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is still haunted by last year's Easter egg scavenger hunt date gone wrong


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Didn't sign up for Amazon Prime Dating


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has the dating app for clowns but can't get over his coulrophobia


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Only allows his dates to eat appetizers.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

orders extra meals to take home for the rest of the week


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Doesn't share grilled cheese sandwiches.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Is a notorious kitten thief.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Requires a black light entrance for his glow in the dark shirts.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

^^ She's too good for Men.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Didn't buy me some ice cream

_ Sent From that Cat who played the fiddle while using Tapatalk_


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Because she is waiting for her true love, the power ball.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

: D

She loves shopping more than men.

_ Sent From that Cat who played the fiddle while using Tapatalk_


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I don't know.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Because in reality, he knows. He knows .


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Keeps frogs in his bathtub. Ribbit.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

doesn't own a single frog, which is unacceptable


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Doesn't worship Frog Spirit

_ Sent From Nelly's Air Force One using Tapatalk_


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Wears a coat made of ladybugs.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Needs to wash his fur.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Shaves my fur off to make himself armpit wigs.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

doesn't make oreos into double stuffs, but just eats them right from the carton


----------



## PCGamer (Feb 28, 2019)

He's eating too much cookies


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Changed his name to Schwarzenegger Vin Wahlberg to impress the ladies


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has a habit of sniffing his own armpits.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Wears a flea collar as a fashion accessory.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

makes guys attend obedience school before she'll consider dating them


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Refuses to roll over on command.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has pink wings.


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

Drives a pink car with yellow polka dots


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has perfected the "if I stare into the distance and pretend not to able to hear maybe she'll go away" technique to approaching people he has an interest in dating


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

sleeps through most dates


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

It's true, he fell asleep on our last date.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She speaks in Seinfeld gifs.


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Brings play-doh cookies with him on the first date and eats them.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

probably doesn't share the blanket very well


----------



## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Has a blanket big enough just for him while his date is left blanket-less :bah


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Requires a special blanket.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Knocks people's teeth out and says she's the tooth fairy


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

Because he's always telling his dates how he's thinking about how much he needs someone else. And that someone else happens to be sitting with them, and he's looking at this someone else while he's telling his date. And holding her hand. And kissing her hand. Poor date.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

he buys almost everything in single serving sizes...you should really buy things in couple sizes


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Always dresses in the same outfit his date wears.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He looks sad! Poor little green frog.  :rub


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Has a tiny nose.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

lied on his dating profile saying he sang backup on the last Lady Gaga release and is the primary heir to the guy who invented the orange cheese stuff they put on Cheetos and in certain makeup products


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

His favorite color is Cheeto orange.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

have to conquered her Escherian home to find her front door to pick her up


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

He didn't share his pancakes with me this morning.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Her wings are so beautiful and huge that other men get intimidated by her presence.

Or something.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

He doesn't like my HOT emojis


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Overuses the expression "what's the dealio?"


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Overuses the expression

"What's crackalackin?"


----------



## donistired (Nov 29, 2018)

3stacks said:


> Overuses the expression
> 
> "What's crackalackin?"


Has not yet found the perfect balance for when and when not to use the phrase, "what's crackalackin?" which is actually all the time


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Intentionally fails online compatibility quizzes because he's a rebel


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

only dates people who create those online compatibility quizzes but they're just too hard to identify


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

She keeps waving her fresh bread sticks at people!!! :lol


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

When with his date at a restaurant, he'll always open with the line ... "I'll have the static void Main() course , please" and laugh maniacally.


----------



## Shadowweaver (Apr 26, 2013)

His/her name is too short for people to believe he/she is a real person!


----------



## Alleviate Suffering (Jan 28, 2014)

Due to a devious and effective hypnotist he now brays like a donkey every time someone says the word relationship.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

his dancing tends to look like he has to go to the bathroom.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

becomes a professional dancer every time he has to go to the bathroom, which makes people too jealous of his talent


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

her bread is more stale than the BBC


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

First thing he asks his dates is if they would like to see his fine carrot collection. Then whips out his finest carrot.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

goes wabbit hunting


----------



## donistired (Nov 29, 2018)

Attempts to shake everyone's hands with cheeto powder on their hands


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

The ladies just aren't into his noodle toupee.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Has a green ween


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is a bad boy in a good guy's clothing, which he stole


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

He's so funny that his dates laugh themselves to death.


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Planked on an ant


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

he forgot to put doors in his home


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Farfs around too much


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

No clue, but he shouldn't be.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Travels at the speed of light without wearing a seatbelt


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

^^ runs around and calls himself the flash 


iAmCodeMonkey said:


> No clue, but he shouldn't be.


 damn thanks mate.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Too many reasons to list


----------



## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

He keeps wearing raccoon phermones to the pub


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Attracts an angry mob wherever he goes


----------



## cloudydreams (Oct 19, 2015)

runs around screaming


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Walks around whispering.


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Crawls around giggling.


----------



## cloudydreams (Oct 19, 2015)

is too childish


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Loses dates in the wash cycle along with socks


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Irons his socks... and shoes.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

yells at apricots


----------



## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Says "won't you come up and see my apricot bells?"


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

likes to butt heads when he especially likes someone


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

drives a giant banana mobile, sort of like batman but with bananas


----------



## Lyssia (Jan 27, 2013)

Eats only bananas


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Only tans half her body.


----------



## EBecca (Oct 15, 2016)

only tans his nose


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Only tans her bread


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Only tans his thumb


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Does all his workouts in the chocolate aisle


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Yeah, he's like the mirror image of me... so much in common


----------



## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

His banana peel underwear is not quite the hit he thought it would be.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

He has a fever.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

ends all his sentences with a proposition


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Forgets to use proper sentence structure, like capitals at the beginning of sentences and periods at the end of them.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

His love songs and poetry are known for being grammatically correct.


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

His obsession with cheese is so great, he actually wears clothes made of aged cheddar.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

offers to make a homemade meal for a date but forgets to throw away the McDonald's bag


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

only posts his dating profile on Amish dating sites


----------



## lerz (Aug 30, 2019)

They are too good looking and everyone is intimidated by them!


----------



## blunthead (Aug 31, 2019)

Knows to stay single.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is high on life savers


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

He wears Blu Ray discs for earrings. Not only that but he has a Minidisc implanted into his forehead.


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

has a thing for musical puns and likes to tell people he's very cleffa and just a little bit of treble


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

She's that funny, her dates literally split their sides.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

speaks at a frequency that only a dog can hear


----------



## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Everytime he tries to kiss someone he kisses their entire face because his mouth is so big


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

He is too ominous for the ladies. Or something. Lol.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Has already started wearing his Halloween costume everywhere to get that authentic decaying smell down right.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

can burp most popular music


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

Can only answer questions with a question. And only dates those that answer a question with a question.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Can turn out to be a load of treble on dates. Lol


----------



## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

He's too busy hitting on people's moms :lol


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

No clue, but she shouldn't be.  :heart


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Eats cheetos and chews gum at the same time


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Wearing the same unwashed t-shirt for like the 3rd time this week


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Doesn't think the most popular kind of madness is the right kind.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

french kisses like a poodle


----------



## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

Never goes on a date without a pack of peanuts in their back pocket


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

is currently nursing a flirting injury


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

in a Halloween candy induced coma


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

He dresses like Willy Wonka 24/7


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

dresses like Will Ferrell. Usually as Ron Burgundy or the running scene from Old School.


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

He keeps ferrets in his burgundy coloured trousers.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Tucks his shirt and socks into his underwear


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Because He's still using this thread.


----------



## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

He can't walk and chew gum at the same time.


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

When talking, he can only speak with words beginning with the letter 'X'.
Except on Sundays, he can additionally speak words beginning with the letter 'Q'


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

B spread rumors


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

has been banned from pretty much every dating app in existence by now


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Asks his dates to dress like a candy cane.


----------



## a (Sep 7, 2008)

Does in fact dress like a candy cane


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

wears mistletoe on his feet


----------

