# I can't be comfortable around anyone



## cristina155 (Dec 4, 2017)

I'm no good at describing how I'm feeling but I'm gonna give a shot.

I never feel comfortable around anyone, I'm always on guard. As a result I subdue my personality and mannerisms. I'm afraid to initiate conversation, interject in a group conversation, express any feelings or even get a little loud (I just cannot shout for some reason).

I'm just so afraid of being myself around anyone. Because they might think I'm weird or annoying... I know this way of thinking makes no sense, but I can't get past it.

To make it worse, if I'm ever starting to feel a little comfortable and I let my guard down I immediately regret it and start to overthink. I start thinking I must have read the situation wrong and there's no way they like me, I should not feel comfortable. So I freeze up again.

I'm 25 and it's been like this my whole life, I've gotten a little better (people don't ask me if I'm mute anymore). But it's really starting to bother me. I feel like it stops me from making friends and it's caused huge issues in the two short relationships I've had
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitewestie (Dec 4, 2017)

This is me, also..

Sent from my T752 using Tapatalk


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## AsianShihtzu (Dec 6, 2017)

This is me as well.

I always have a huge time trusting friends, and I only trusted one of my friends only after 2 years. And a couple of months later, school ended, and highschool came for me. Now I am just lonely and feel uptight when someone approaches me.


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## cristina155 (Dec 4, 2017)

It's good knowing others feel the same way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Same SA at its finest


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

We are very similar OP. i have Been steadily improving tho. What helped me the most was basically becoming an adult, you need to have a lot of social interactions. And one of my first jobs in a call center really helped to spark that change in me as I was forced to have 20-50 phone calls every day.


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## cristina155 (Dec 4, 2017)

I worked front of house in a restaurant (I applied for a kitchen job, but a girl in her 20s gets put up front) for a few years, and it helped me go from so quiet people thought I was mute to actually being able to talk to people. 
I'm slowly, steadily making progress with SA but I guess my ex expected me to make progress faster :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

cristina155 said:


> I worked front of house in a restaurant (I applied for a kitchen job, but a girl in her 20s gets put up front) for a few years, and it helped me go from so quiet people thought I was mute to actually being able to talk to people.
> I'm slowly, steadily making progress with SA but I guess my ex expected me to make progress faster :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At least you are progressing.:smile2:


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## Scaptain (Aug 12, 2016)

Yup. I know how you feel. Everyone tends to ignore me though, so I don't even bother to speak anymore.


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## BlackWalt (Dec 17, 2017)

With me it's kinda like this, but I manipulate personality (doesn't THAT sound normal) to fit with whoever I'm talking to. Like I know how I should act depending on which of my friends I'm talking to. It isn't really a conscious thing either, I mean I notice I'm doing it, but it's so subtle that I don't notice it most of the time. With my immediate family I just act however, but with anyone else it's like I'm not me at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cristina155 (Dec 4, 2017)

versikk said:


> At least you are progressing.:smile2:


Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cristina155 (Dec 4, 2017)

Scaptain said:


> Yup. I know how you feel. Everyone tends to ignore me though, so I don't even bother to speak anymore.


I feel like I've been ignored/ forgotten about most my life, so I feel you... And when someone does notice me it's only to point out how quiet I am
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scaptain (Aug 12, 2016)

cristina155 said:


> I feel like I've been ignored/ forgotten about most my life, so I feel you... And when someone does notice me it's only to point out how quiet I am
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, same. I hate when people notice me just to say something like that and then just stare at me with pity. I'd rather they don't say anything at all.


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## KotaBear96 (Dec 11, 2017)

Scaptain said:


> Yup. I know how you feel. Everyone tends to ignore me though, so I don't even bother to speak anymore.


We have all thought this way at least one point in our lives. However you cant have a negative approach to social interactions and you cant give up. If you go out and talk to people thinking these things then people will pick up on this. Keep your head up buddy


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## Scaptain (Aug 12, 2016)

KotaBear96 said:


> We have all thought this way at least one point in our lives. However you cant have a negative approach to social interactions and you cant give up. If you go out and talk to people thinking these things then people will pick up on this. Keep your head up buddy


Thanks. I've tried but nothing seems to work. I can't even make friends online. Like I've said before, I'm not rude or anything, but people just find me boring I guess.


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## KotaBear96 (Dec 11, 2017)

Scaptain said:


> Thanks. I've tried but nothing seems to work. I can't even make friends online. Like I've said before, I'm not rude or anything, but people just find me boring I guess.


Sorry for the late reply, boring to one person is interesting to another  Have you tried watching self help videos on YouTube? They have helped me so much in the last few years.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Ditto. Most people learn during their childhood how to connect with others and then build on that as they become adults. But if you weren't close to your family and didn't have close friends, you missed out on that developmental stage and didn't learn how to bond with people.


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

Maslow said:


> Ditto. Most people learn during their childhood how to connect with others and then build on that as they become adults. But if you weren't close to your family and didn't have close friends, you missed out on that developmental stage and didn't learn how to bond with people.


Not really a one-size-fits-all situation.

I had a decently large social circle until I was 13, when some of my friends started bullying me and others I parted ways with. From that period onwards I have been without friends and never learned what teenagers (and later, adults) do to acquire friendships, sex and love.


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## thisismeyo (Feb 15, 2013)

i know how you feel.

i am the same. when i worked at a restaurant, it helped out, although i still struggle. good luck


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