# How do I stop being infatuated by every girl I meet



## tooshytosay (Dec 23, 2008)

Ok well I'm a 21 year old guy and I have well, so far, never had a girlfriend. Also I lead a pretty lonely life.

Perhaps because of this, I just get "infatuated" by any girl I meet. This especially applies to any girl I end up working with at work. Like, you know, unless she is very... mean / rude to me, I will "fall for" pretty much any girl - without discrimination.

I don't know, it's like a girl talking to me (even for purely work purposes) is enough to really muddle my brain up. My brain goes like "wow, this girl's actually talking to a... monster / weirdo like me! I can't believe it! Thank you thank you thank you! *falls in love helplessly*" Of course it's infatuation, not really "love"; but I simply can't seem to help myself.

I guess it's what one's *desperate* brain does to you when you long for a relationship that you've never had. You long for meaningful human contact so much that you try to "jump on" to anything and everything.

It really doesn't help that I grew up "deprived" of female contact. I have no sisters, and never really came into contact with girls as I grew up. So yeah, females continue to remain on the pedestal for me. I just can't relate "normally" with them without my brain going "haywire" with these crazy thoughts.


----------



## valley_girl1919 (Jun 18, 2007)

Yea I know how you feel. I don't necessarily fall for every girl but if there is a girl at work or school that I think is hot then I become easily infatuated. I have never been on a date with a girl that I am really into. Girls in general make me nervous because I like them and I don't know how to act around a pretty girl. So I end up just falling for them but too scared to express my feelings. I don't know how I would act if I went on a date with a really hot girl.


----------



## Trek (Apr 12, 2010)

tooshytosay said:


> Ok well I'm a 21 year old guy and I have well, so far, never had a girlfriend. Also I lead a pretty lonely life.
> 
> Perhaps because of this, I just get "infatuated" by any girl I meet. This especially applies to any girl I end up working with at work. Like, you know, unless she is very... mean / rude to me, I will "fall for" pretty much any girl - without discrimination.
> 
> ...


Really nice to read this, because I'm 100% the exact same way.

But as for the topic at hand, I think it's just a matter of getting more experience with women, and almost holding ourselves back. For me atleast I'm trying to make friends with women more, and not try to/desire to pursue them as a romantic interest. My thinking is that I will get more comfortable with women in general this way, then I'll be able to learn how they tick and when one comes around who I do want to pursue possibly I'll have the skills and confidence to do that.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

I am interested in this as well, because I am in a similar situation.
I actually suppress myself because I don't want to scare them off...

It worked so far... I think...


----------



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I'm infatuated with a girl who i met only once like a year and a half ago and havent seen since :blank


----------



## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Yeah I get infatuated with lots of guys too...


----------



## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Solution-go meet alot of girls. 

That way you aren't stuck on any particular one.


----------



## atj409 (Mar 30, 2010)

I was thinking of starting a thread like this. Man, it's like I can remember every single pretty girl I've met in the past year. I get so stuck on them. Don't listen to what Setolac said, that's really pessimistic. There are plenty of girls who would like a nice guy, just try and be funny or at least somewhat interesting and you'll be surprised at how they warm up. I've never had a real gf either and it's tough feeling so intensely attracted to girls. My advice? Go for a girl who probably doesnt get alot of attention from guys (not ugly but not drop dead gorgeous either) and do your best to connect as friends then move toward asking her out. Friends first though.


----------



## TheCanadian1 (Sep 14, 2009)

Setolac said:


> If you ask me where are the other 1% who do not belong to this category that includes women who will actually like you for who you are (virgin with 0 experience with women), I hate to say this but they only exist in your imagination.


Sorry, but you're wrong. Quality girls ARE out there. Ones that accept you for who you are, and will love you.

I've met a few in my lifetime, and I've f***ed up every chance at a life-long relationship because I always thought I wasn't good enough. All of them I met on the net, a few of them lived near me... One i'm still friends with... Another moved away and is with a guy now... and one that would probably marry me is on the other side of the world and can't marry me because she's muslim and I'm christian.

Yes they are hard to find, but YES those wonderful loving girls ARE out there. Don't give up hope, just don't obsess about it. You have to let it happen.


----------



## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

I've worked in a mall for almost 7 years. I get infatuated with girls/women who also work there... whom I have never even talked to. :um


----------



## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

I feel like this automatic infatuation is a problem for either side of the matter...

I had worked with guys, dealt with male customers and so on-- not trying to give them the wrong idea... I'm genuinely nice to everyone no matter who they are. That's just the way I am.
An old co-worker of mine; upon finding out that my bf broke up with me, offered his ear and we talked for awhile- then he asked me out, even though I had told him clearly that I don't intend on dating anyone- any time in the forseeable future.

I don't think I'm giving guys the wrong idea... I'm not trying to. I'm honest in my feelings- but I tend to have someone's mistaken feelings pushed on me quite frequently; and it always puts me in the situation where I have to say no and hurt their feelings.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... it may be quite innocent-- these girls (the ones who end up hurting you) may not be trying to at all... they might not be trying to lead you on and they might not want your attention; but it's not because you aren't "good enough" for them or not "attractive" enough- or even (if you're a virgin) < because of that! 
That kind of thing really doesn't matter!

If you think that a girl is going to laugh behind your back because you haven't had sex before- you're sorely mistaken. That is just disgusting for anyone to laugh at something like that! 
Being a virgin or not has zero percent to do with why a girl will 'pick you' to go out with. 
A real woman won't give a **** about that. Being a good hearted person is what counts most. Not every girl you meet will see that < but one worth keeping will.


----------



## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

I don't know why I got an infarction for trying to help the guy. You see this guy was desperately wanting to know how to "stop being infatuated by every girl he meets" and I gave the most logical answer. 

So you get an infarction for helping other people now?


----------



## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Are you actually into them, as you would like them to be your girlfriend, or is it just sexually based attraction, in which case mostly all guys are that way?


----------



## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

nemesis1 said:


> I'm infatuated with a girl who i met only once like a year and a half ago and havent seen since :blank


awwwww


----------



## tooshytosay (Dec 23, 2008)

water said:


> Drawing from my own observations, lots of guys tend to read into things too subjectively. What goes through a guy's head when a pretty girl remembers his name, talks and laughs with him, and treats him with respect (as she does with every man and woman)? Maybe it's not 'She remembered my name... maybe she likes me', but it could well be along those lines. Needless to say, I've never been sexually attracted to any guy that I've been super nice and outgoing to, except for my crush in the third grade. Unfortunately, some guys think the reason I'm being nice is purely because of them, that I must like them for some reason, when really it's only because of me. That's just my disposition, on most days.
> 
> Maybe the first step in becoming more emotionally mature, is to curb egocentricism.


Thank you for that insight. (And to all of you who have replied to my post)

I guess this is an easy trap us lonely guys can easily fall into. Reading too deep into kindness and niceness of a girl - not realizing that is *how they are like as a person*. Forgetting that you are not the only guy in this world; that the girl is like that towards *everyone*. That they're just trying to be nice and friendly to you because that's their personality, and they want to be polite.

I think first and foremost I just need to be brought down to earth.


----------



## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I can't speak for every lonely guy but I feel like I'm a danger to women. I will be 24 tomorrow and I've never been on a date. Because of this, I have so much sexual frustration inside of me. I think I'm so pathetic for not having even kissed a woman. Whenever I see any cute lady, I automatically think about wanting to have sex with her. I guess that's normal for males but I even take it further. Instead of just looking at women and then continuing on with my work, I'll immediately stop what I'm doing and briefly follow them around.

I've even pretended to go to the bathroom or check to see if the ice machine was empty just so I can have the chance to check out a woman who had caught my attention. Because I'm inexperienced with women, I too find myself infatuated by any pretty woman who interacts with me. A simple smile has me thinking, oh man I want her to be my girlfriend!

Then my lack of experience, shyness, and lack of a social life kick in. I think there is no way any woman will want to be with me so I need to stop thinking about dating. I have it set in my mind that no one would ever want to be with me once they get to asking me questions about my life.

I don't know how to break out of the cycle. I believe the only way for me to get with beautiful women is for me to gain confidence, have a social life (that way I don't end up having to be around her all of the time like a puppy dog), and career goals. I think most women want to be with someone who will be a good provider for them and their children (should they want any).

I wish they were more shallow and only cared about looks. Then I would at least get checked out!

Bottom line, you need to like yourself before you even think about getting a girlfriend. If you're unhappy now, a girlfriend won't make you better off and the relationship will end very quickly. You got to change your thinking to get out of "I am a loser" mode. Also try to think that women are just men without wieners. That way you don't build them up to be Goddesses.


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

^ I'm with you in wishing that girls judged us more by our looks (though I don't think this is any more shallow than them judging our personalities within the first few minutes of meeting us), but I think it's possible to work on ourselves WHILE looking for a girlfriend. I think looking for a girlfriend (even just the attempt) will go a long way toward working on ourselves / gaining the confidence we need in all aspects of our lives. Let me explain.

To all the guys that have this problem: have you considered acting on these feelings as often as possible? I used to have this problem when I was younger, too. Now, I don't quite have feelings for every woman I meet, but I do wish I had acted on them more often since I'm 28 and still haven't had a gf or even had sex. Asking these girls out has a number of potential benefits that GREATLY outweigh the negatives:

1. You'll become more accustomed to asking girls out and a bit more accustomed to rejection, so you can handle it easier. It becomes less anxiety provoking than before because you understand that it's simply a part of dating.
2. You become better at it with practice.
3. Even if she isn't attracted to you, if you do it in a nice way, she will usually be flattered and feel good about herself.
4. You'll realize that though you think you're a monster, she probably thinks otherwise (after all, she IS talking to you).
5. You come to realize that you, in fact, DO have access to this world of relationships and love, which many of us (myself included) have convinced ourselves that we can't access/don't deserve.
6. You are already attracted to her, so she has already passed your criterion, and so you might want a relationship with her.
8. She will be impressed by the confidence and bravery you exhibit even in the attempt.
7. SHE MIGHT SAY YES! (Which in turn might lead to a relationship with a girl you like!) 
8. More dates and more relationships (even if they're short term) tend to get you even more dates and relationships: in the dating world, from what I understand, the rich get richer.
9. Let's be honest: as many guys have observed, it's not likely that a girl is going to show interest in you/ask you out anytime soon. Guys are generally expected to initiate relationships, and so it's just not practical to take on a "wait and see" attitude or to wait for a girl to make the first move.

There are probably many more that I'm leaving out though. As far as I can see, there are only two negative consequences:

1. Rejection will hurt. A lot. No bones about it, you will feel bad. But it's all part of the dating game, and you can't expect to find a gf or to allay your loneliness unless you go for it (see #9 above). If and when you get rejected (and it will happen), just do what every other non-pua guy does: have a couple drinks, b**** about girls with friends, play some videogames, and cry a little bit, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there, soldier!
2. Things might get awkward between you and the girl. Just understand that you've done nothing wrong, that you have a right to ask her out, that you have a right to be sexual, and that you have a right to love and be loved, simply because you are a human being. If she can't deal with it, then that's HER failing, not yours, and it never will be yours as long as you can move on and ask other girls out.

Of course, this is the most logical course to take. The only thing left is to get beyond your anxiety, which is inherantly illogical (and which is why we're all here). Really, it's just going to require you to bite the bullet and go for it. Think of it as playing Russian Roullette until you realize that there are actually NO bullets in the chamber!


----------



## thoughtstream (Apr 12, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Of course, this is the most logical course to take. The only thing left is to get beyond your anxiety, which is inherantly illogical (and which is why we're all here). Really, it's just going to require you to bite the bullet and go for it. Think of it as playing Russian Roullette until you realize that there are actually NO bullets in the chamber!


Wow, I'm really impressed by this post! My own experience definitely resonates with just about everything STKinTHEmud said. The difficult part is not taking the rejections personally. But the only way to not be so affected by rejection is to play the numbers game, take the hits, and realize that even if you don't get the girl, at least you tried.

Taking a shot and missing is way better than not taking the shot at all.


----------



## DSPFrat (Aug 2, 2009)

naw, i never seem to feel anything towards anyone, but I don't really even allow myself to cuz I'm so guarded. I basically shut myself off from even having a chance at a relationship. My fear of rejection, constant paranoia and bitterness towards people really has turned me almost anti-social.


----------



## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Yeah i get a bit like with when i become friendly with a girl whom i think is attractive. If we're just friends its ok, but if i get the thought 'maybe she likes me' i get a bit nervous and feel like i have to impress her.
Just think of them as just friends, and if you're getting some pretty clear signals she's interested in you then go from there.


----------



## hobo10 (Apr 28, 2009)

mbp86 said:


> Because I'm inexperienced with women, I too find myself infatuated by any pretty woman who interacts with me. A simple smile has me thinking, oh man I want her to be my girlfriend!
> 
> Then my lack of experience, shyness, and lack of a social life kick in. I think there is no way any woman will want to be with me so I need to stop thinking about dating. I have it set in my mind that no one would ever want to be with me once they get to asking me questions about my life.


THIS. SO MUCH THIS. Except I am female and become infatuated by male attention. It's terrible because I KNOW it's infatuation...we don't even have that much in common...but my heart grasps on to those few good short conversations for dear life...reminding me that hey, i was able to connect with a man...even if it was only for a few minutes!

I have not had much experience with men and my last relationship ended well over a year ago. My lifestyle is not conducive to meeting new people...the only men I talk to these days are at work.

When I start thinking about someone a lot....I too remind myself that it probably wouldn't work because my social life is lacking and they will think I'm some loner-loser.


----------



## slider (Feb 9, 2013)

well i would day dream just about ever girl i would talk to, to over come this i would watch porn for 4 hours a day 7 days a week (did it for the last 5 years) and now i am so burned (not from fapping cuz i am = machine) but something changes in your brain and the "idk" switch just turns on and girls are just the equivalent of a male.


----------

