# All it takes is: Know how to be Yourself and Like Yourself?!



## mobile363 (Apr 11, 2004)

Is this a good frame of mind for overcoming anxiety? In my case it seems like a good plan. My anxiety problem exists because I feel I don't know myself enough to feel comfortable being myself around others. Then comes the quietness, then comes racing thoughts, then come the thoughts about how others perceive you, then come the thoughts of rejection, then full blown anxiety occurs and I lose all control to function like a normal human being in social situations. Would it be good to know all about myself? Everyone has good qualities, everyone has bad qualities. It all seems like the reasons behind anxiety. You worry about your bad qualities, overlook all the good things about yourself, and then freak out because you think you're lower in social status. 

Im going to try setting a side one hour per day and just write about good and bad personal qualities. Even if it is the most mundane thing, if its a good quality about myself, I will write it down. I know im different, I should be proud of the fact.

This idea came, coincidently, the same day I talked to a gay man about dating advice. His advice was straight up and simple: You gotta be yourself around girls. If you can do that, you can have any girl you want! He tells me that he is 100% confident around girls because he knows how to relax and act like himself around girls. He forgets about all his bad qualities and focuses on his good qualities. He displays these traits in front of the girl, she picks up on it, then wants to take him home and F%^* his brains out. 

It's like my eyes have been opened to something. :con


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## Urkidding (Oct 12, 2005)

Sounds like a good idea to write those things down. Bad qualities--or at least what we think to be bad-- appear to matter a whole lot more to us than to others. For example, we may think that a lull in a conversation is something terrible and another may or may not comment on that, but I'd question how much of an impact that would really have on a relationship or a budding friendship.

I wonder if including our judgment of others would do us any good, just as a test. We could take a celebrity, somebody who has amazing attraction to the opposite sex, and we can write a list of good qualities/bad qualities. The idea is not to go overboard and judge simply for criticism's sake, but to come to the realization that nobody's perfect. Despite our differences in talents, looks, outward success, there's really not much that separates us SA'ers from anyone else.


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## Peanuts (Nov 8, 2003)

Hi Mobile, I like your thinking. I am all for learning to like yourself a whole lot better. I have gone through most of my life not being a very good friend to myself and in this world we don't need ourselves as another enemy. Especially when we're already dealing with SA. I've had negative tapes playing in my head for so long I wasn't even aware of them anymore. People pointed out over and over how negative I was and how hard I was on myself and I wondered why my life was going down the toilet. I just didn't know how to go about changing. 

But don't look to society to help. Popular culture will have you feeling forever defective and inadequate. We compare ourselves to the standards that society has set. People are getting plastic surgery in record numbers but we are also fatter than ever. (Do we hate ourselves enough yet?) We're also popping pills more than ever because we can't cope and why? Because we feel we can't cut it in this bizare world. I think something is very wrong with this picture. Why do we try to conform to standards that none of us can attain? And even if we do then we just raise the bar even higher. It's totally bizarro I tell you.

The only way you or I will ever change is if we learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves and make the best of what we have. I'm not saying we have to settle, we can all still wish for good things in life. But we shouldn't let it consume us and start punishing ourselves for not meeting the standards that have been set by a very bizare world! So make that list of all your good qualities great or small and put it on the refrigerator or frame it and hang it on the wall. Go to it daily and admire all your qualities and feel free to add more good things about yourself. Do things that help make you feel good about yourself and don't be afraid to be a little selfish now and then!!!


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## VagrantMind (Jun 7, 2006)

My cousin gave me some great advice for when I say or do something stupid around people. Although you may feel pretty humiliated at the time, this doesn't mean nearly as much to your friends. It's simple, but true. I have alot of trouble remembering more than just a handful of occasions when my friends were in what seemed to be awkward situations. It helps for me to keep that in mind when I'm talking to someone while my SA is really troubling me, and makes it easier to just be myself and focus more about the conversation than what they might be thinking of me.


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