# I will never find "my" girl.



## SoulAssasins (Nov 2, 2005)

Im 18 and I live here in The Bronx and most girls here like only the cute boys. The ones with earrings, fitted caps, durags and "gangsta" clothing. How can I find the girl who I can be happy with without the drugs or alcohol. Im in college and I feel like im never going to find her.


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## Kardax (Dec 29, 2004)

Brace yourself for about 40 posts of people much older than you sharing similar complaints.

The girls who might like you are the less-flashy ones you might not be noticing. They're everywhere 

The real trick is getting a conversation started with one of them...

-Ryan


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

:hug 

Leave the Bronx. Or find a group that appeals to the girls who like the "non-gangsta" guys.

For the record, I think the "gangsta" look is horrendous. Please don't refer to guys who have adopted this awful look as "cute." Blegh.

xoxo
Maggi


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## jay_dizzle_girl (Nov 17, 2005)

Kardax said:


> Brace yourself for about 40 posts of people much older than you sharing similar complaints.
> 
> The girls who might like you are the less-flashy ones you might not be noticing. They're everywhere
> 
> ...


well i dont think the gansta look is bad, but thats just my opinion , but im 18 and i have the same problem find ing the right guy,I live in philly and most guys that approach me is all about sex, i agree maybe i shouldnt be going for guys i think its cute and everyone likes.


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

SoulAssasins said:


> Im 18 and I live here in The Bronx and most girls here like only the cute boys. The ones with earrings, fitted caps, durags and "gangsta" clothing. How can I find the girl who I can be happy with without the drugs or alcohol. Im in college and I feel like im never going to find her.


I don't know about the whole 'gansta thing' and girls liking that, I guess in certain circles its a big turn-on. Maybe you just need to find girls that go for different things than that. Also I don't know if looks are all girls look for, I think they like you to be fairly outgoing.

For me I think I am fairly attractive, yet I have such trouble going up to girls and talking to them. That is why I think I haven't been able to get a girlfriend. If I had more confidence in myself and less social anxiety I think I would be able to get a girlfriend.

So for you I think your problem is being socially anxious more than not having the right look. Now, unfortunatly that is probally a harder problem to overcome than merely getting a new outfit. But I think its possible for everyone to overcome it to a degree that they can have a relationship. And you are still young, don't give up.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

"Gangstas" irratate me. Everytime I see one I want to snap their legs so they really have to walk with a limp.

Just be yourself, dont change for those girls, there is a girl somewhere out there who will like you for you. might have to move around find her though.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Scrub Ducky said:


> "Gangstas" irratate me. Everytime I see one I want to snap their legs so they really have to walk with a limp.


:haha - Scrub D is just the guy who would do this, too! I don't get this "look." All I see are guys who think they can get action, falsely impressing ladies and then dropping them, kids or no - hence a demand for Maury show tickets. Pardon the pun, but they are what TLC would call "scrubs." Girls don't want them. Don't be one of them.

The do-rag thing was interesting, but now it's a male version of a hair scarf - you know, similar to the kind ladies would wear to keep their beehives intact on a windy day :roll.

Anyway, it is the person, not the persona or "act", that women really go for. Stability - plain and simple. If they go for the "act", they don't know what they want or are desperate.

Yes, I am 30 and hopelessly single. I am more focused on myself and my career, which is FINALLY taking off after college. Right now, my biggest thrill is seeing women checking me out (or hearing people I know saying this is happening - and it is to my utter disbelief), but me being clueless. :lol I will proceed when I am good and ready.


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## theturtle (Nov 24, 2005)

@ age 18, it is normal for girls to go for that bad boy or gangsta look.

Once they get up in age, (milleniumman75 put it)they want stability...

So...study hard get good grades, graduate and get a nice job and you will need scrub ducky as your body guard because women will be bneating down your door to date you!.... :lol


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## Shinji (Aug 13, 2005)

You're only 18, you've got plenty of time. And like it was said before, if you're only paying attention to the most attractive flashy women, you're not going to have much luck unless you're one of the more attractive men. There are plenty of girls that are beautiful, without being flashy, but you have to notice them. I'm not saying that the flashy girls are shallow, but a lot of them know they're cute and it gets to their head.

As far as finding "your" girl, you have to know what you want. If you're only paying attention to the wrong girls, you'll never find her. Look for what works for you.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

ksg said:


> @ age 18, it is normal for girls to go for that bad boy or gangsta look.


Bullpoop. I was 18 just a few months ago, and I NEVER liked that look.

That kind of immaturity is rarely, if at all attractive.

xoxo
Maggi


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## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

Anyway, it is the person, not the persona or "act", that women really go for. Stability - plain and simple. If they go for the "act", they don't know what they want or are desperate. 

I completely agree, girls that fall for the "act" really don't know what they want and most will eventually get tired of it after awhile. The tough guy image might be the initial attracting factor for some girls but after that you'll need more to keep the relationship going. And honestly i never got the whole bad boy attraction thing. I get the female urge to maybe "tame" the guy and have him change for you somewhat but come on when i see a "badas$" i just see a big wad of cheese (ahem..kevin federline)-- someone who's potentially going to give you emotional or financial problems..lol.


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## theturtle (Nov 24, 2005)

itsmemaggi said:


> ksg said:
> 
> 
> > @ age 18, it is normal for girls to go for that bad boy or gangsta look.
> ...


well then you are an exception. congratulations!

Some girls do like that gangsta look and some don't (ie you)

I work at a restaurant and see those girls with gangsta BFs many many times.


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## Szattam (Nov 11, 2003)

Scrub Ducky said:


> "Gangstas" irratate me. Everytime I see one I want to snap their legs so they really have to walk with a limp.
> 
> Just be yourself, dont change for those girls, there is a girl somewhere out there who will like you for you. might have to move around find her though.


:lol Haha I love you :um 
Anyway, I agree completely... don't change for anyone. Honestly, would you even want that kind of girl? They're typically just as generic and boring as those guys... As was suggested above, go after the shy, brainy cuties  If you don't have luck, move to a different neighborhood. The woman for you does exist, you just need to find her. 
Girls who like that image might like it because it gives them the illusion of strength, confidence and a false sense of protection. Now I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you don't need an effing do-rag to be a man...


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## zelig (Apr 15, 2005)

Move to suburbia where the preppy look is in?


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## Szattam (Nov 11, 2003)

zelig619 said:


> Move to suburbia where the preppy look is in?


Just find a place where there's something called variety...


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## Luscious Luke (Nov 12, 2003)

Confidence = Girlfriends

Unfortunately that is a quality many SAers have in short supply.

You are 18 and that is an age where it is the bad boys that attract all the attention from women. Especially in the Bronx I'm sure. I have found that most women go through a specific stage during their teenage years and sometimes well into their 20s in which they get caught up in the drama that the bad boys offer. They will make their mistakes and often they will get hurt repeatedly and eventually as they get older they will come to appreciate the good guys. My girlfriend went through this stage and I am basing this on so many girls that I've seen this happen to. I'd say you have a lot to look forward to in your future.


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## ConfinedButterfly (Oct 22, 2005)

I, for one, loathe the gangsta look. I much prefer the preppy gentleman type. Btw, soul..I'm from The Boogie Down too, as you know, and not all of us females like that whole thugged out crap. Major turn off if you ask me.


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## SoulAssasins (Nov 2, 2005)

^^^^
Thanks you're awesome.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Girls are programmed to like that stuff, especially at your age. Some of them do grow out of it apparently.


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## winduptoy (Jun 21, 2005)

SoulAssasins,

you seem like a unique guy, especially because everyone else follows the "gangsta" trend and you don't. And that's awesome (not just because I personally hate the look and attitude :b ). So maybe "your" girl is just as different and therefore just as rare as you? You may have to look longer and harder for her, but it's way more rewarding than going for one of those "everyday" girls, isn't it?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

I can't honestly give you an answer as to when. But i can tell you for a fact, that if you change who you are simply to fit in with the crowd you'll never find her. 

It's a cliche I know - but be yourself and you WILL find miss-right!


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## Ernest (Jul 13, 2005)

Kardax said:


> Brace yourself for about 40 posts of people much older than you sharing similar complaints.


I'm 47 and worried I'll be alone the rest of my life. I don't go anywhere but work and home, so I have few opportunites. There are 2 women at work who were attracted to me and I know would have gone out with me. One I wasn't attracted to at all. The other made it very clear she was attracted to me. She's very pretty and I know she would have gone out with me. The problem? She's only 26. I can't date a woman young enough to be my daughter! Even if I didn't have a problem with the age difference it wouldn't work.

I'm terrified to ask women out. I have such low self esteem I can't imagine women wanting to date me. I've had a few very short relationships but I ruined them all because of my low self esteem. That, and the severe depression are wearing me down. I want to change but I don't know how. I am so incredibly, excruciatingly lonely. I know a lot of people here can relate to that. I would give anything to be able to put my arm around someone and say I love you, and just be close.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

The Bronx definately plays a part in your frustration. New York altogether, and I'd even say the northeast, sucks my lulu. 

On the other hand, there are at least 1-2 girls on this forum your age, if I'm not mistaken, that are from the Bronx.


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## SoulAssasins (Nov 2, 2005)

^
Yeah but they are probably older than me and wouldn't want to waste they're time with a stupid 18 year old. I mean im actually funny and a nice person to be around with because I would put the things I want to do aside for someone else or a girl I care about.


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## drago762 (Nov 17, 2003)

Yep, that's the truth

You can read all about it at nomarriage.com



ksg said:


> @ age 18, it is normal for girls to go for that bad boy or gangsta look.
> 
> Once they get up in age, (milleniumman75 put it)they want stability...


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## drago762 (Nov 17, 2003)

Why don't these women learn from others' mistakes?

As a guy who has been responsible in my 20s, I have no desire to deal with baggage created from their previous relationships.

It's almost like they want a certain type of guy for "fun and excitement" and then another type of guy to financially support them. WTH?



Luscious Luke said:


> I have found that most women go through a specific stage during their teenage years and sometimes well into their 20s in which they get caught up in the drama that the bad boys offer. They will make their mistakes and often they will get hurt repeatedly and eventually as they get older they will come to appreciate the good guys. My girlfriend went through this stage and I am basing this on so many girls that I've seen this happen to. I'd say you have a lot to look forward to in your future.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

drago762 said:


> As a guy who has been responsible in my 20s, I have no desire to deal with baggage created from their previous relationships.


I feel the same way, at least for my first relationship. And I think that is it, since we didn't have relationships (or one night stands) in our teens and early 20s, we don't want to be the guy she settled for. She gets to remember and know what it is like to be with other guys, but I only get to be with her. If I had been with 4 or 5 girls during that time, her past wouldn't bother me. Or if she hasn't been with anybody else, it would be fine with me.

That being said, there are probably not very many girls that would be my ideal, perfect girl out there.


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