# Sticky  The Chat Thread



## Memories of Silence

This is to replace the chatroom SAS used to have. 🙂 I mentioned starting this thread in _What Do You Think Would Make SAS Better?_

It is different to threads like _Type What You’re Thinking About Right_ and ones similar to that, and you don’t need to worry as much about going off-topic. This is for conversations, and not only what you’re thinking about (for example).

It will be easier to moderate than the chatroom was because posts can be reported and everything will be easy to see. All of the rules still apply in this thread - please be respectful and don’t post things that belong in 18+. If someone says something you don’t like or don’t agree with, it is always better to ignore it than to let it turn into an argument.


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## Fun Spirit

I wish the chatroom was back even though I rarely used it.


Nice thread.


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## Socialmisfits

But this is the chatroom @Fun Spirit


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## Fun Spirit

Socialmisfits said:


> But this is the chatroom @Fun Spirit


SAS had a chatroom feature. This is just a chat THREAD


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## LydeaCharlotteGirl

Would you use an IRC chatroom if there was one? (see my recent post in the What you do think would make SAS better thread)


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## Socialmisfits

I would be on the chat 24/7


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## neen

So uuuuhhhhhh. Hi! uuuuhhhhhhhh. /----small talk not found----/. Oh damn it...


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## Socialmisfits

I expect immediate replies on a chat so I will refresh this page every second to see if someone has replied. Hello all.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Socialmisfits said:


> I expect immediate replies on a chat so I will refresh this page every second to see if someone has replied. Hello all.


Wow, hold your horses there. 

You are going to have to be patient, people have lives other than this website you know. Seriously.


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## aqwsderf

Socialmisfits said:


> I expect immediate replies on a chat so I will refresh this page every second to see if someone has replied. Hello all.


Here is my immediate reply an hour later 🤭


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## Socialmisfits

Ok I will be lenient on you guys, I will give blame to slow internet!


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## Memories of Silence

Hi, everyone 🙂 I hope everyone is having a good day.


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## Socialmisfits

Yep all good watching some Olympics


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## Fun Spirit

I would had thought this would be in the Just For Fun section. I guess not.


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## Memories of Silence

Fun Spirit said:


> I would had thought this would be in the Just For Fun section. I guess not.


It is for general discussion, so I thought this would be the right section for it.


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## Fun Spirit

Memories of Silence said:


> It is for general discussion, so I thought this would be the right section for it.


Oh I see now


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## zonebox

I'm hungry, but also I'm lazy so I don't want to make anything to eat. I don't even know what I want to eat, I could make some noodles I guess. I would love to have a pizza, but I don't think I have any frozen ones left over. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet...

SAS, make me some fewds and deliver it to my sofa.


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## zonebox

I wish the weather in Chocobo Forest would clear up already, I have some fish to catch and they are not biting in the fog.


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## Socialmisfits

So I was googling chocobo forest and it turns out it is something from a game lol


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## zonebox

I gave up on Chocobo forest, the fog did not want to let up. I opted instead to try to raise my company rank by acquiring seals. Oh, and I got some food.. the hunger surpassed the level of lazy, so I opened a can of Spaghettios with meatballs, my dog is sitting next to me smacking his lips and giving me really sad eyes. I can't resist the sad eyes.. he's getting half of the can, the dork.


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## zonebox

In a few hours, I have achieved the rank Second Serpent Lieutenant in ffxiv, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Unfortunately, considering I am on a trial account I think I am as far as I can go with it. Still though, it is pretty cool.

If any of you are bored, you should give ffxiv a try, I mean if you like video games. Free unlimited trial to level 60.. I've 11 days played so far, not too shabby for free. I imagine I'll get in a few more days, while I level up other stuffs.


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## DanCan

Couple of years ago people made some Skype group chats, and Facebook groups.


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## Socialmisfits

Do feet harden or will I keep getting blisters from walking?


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## Starcut83

Pretty sure you only get blisters, that's why you need good shoes. I was manic once and ran as fast as I could for like an hour and a half straight only slowing down to a jog to catch my breath then speeding up again... At the end of the story, due to the mania I ended up in the hospital but I had blisters full of blood on my feet. I was only able to do it because of the mania at the time, I had jeans on too, I had to keep pulling them up lol.

If you did it a lot you might get calluses but it would hurt to build them up.


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## 3 AM

8 days since the last post smh


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## Socialmisfits

this is high speed internet chat


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## Starcut83

Wishing anyone who sees this a good day!


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## Fun Spirit

*Have a good day everyone.*


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## Memories of Silence

How is everyone today?


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## Socialmisfits

This is a failed thread but I have a solution. Chat is french for cat so we could just discuss cats in here.


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## JH1983

Socialmisfits said:


> This is a failed thread but I have a solution. Chat is french for cat so we could just discuss cats in here.


Always up for cat chat. 










Mine both decided they were lap kitties at the same time last night and of course I had to get a pic.


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## Memories of Silence

If we try to keep this on the first page, it shouldn’t be a “failed thread” 🙂


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## Socialmisfits

@JH1983 my old cat used to sleep on my chest
black cats, had any bad luck yet? ;-)


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## Socialmisfits

@Memories of Silence i was kidding of course but I think you got that :-D


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Hi all. I am doing well, this should be a fun thread


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## JH1983

Socialmisfits said:


> @JH1983 my old cat used to sleep on my chest
> black cats, had any bad luck yet? ;-)


Lots in the past, not much since I've had the cats. Sorry for the slow reply. I'm at work.


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## harrison

Starcut83 said:


> Pretty sure you only get blisters, that's why you need good shoes. I was manic once and ran as fast as I could for like an hour and a half straight only slowing down to a jog to catch my breath then speeding up again... At the end of the story, due to the mania I ended up in the hospital but I had blisters full of blood on my feet. I was only able to do it because of the mania at the time, I had jeans on too, I had to keep pulling them up lol.
> 
> If you did it a lot you might get calluses but it would hurt to build them up.


Wow - that's a lot of running mate. I haven't ever done that but it made me think of one time I was getting manic and I called Lifeline - a national helpline here in Australia. I talked flat out for an hour - and then the young guy said he had to go. 

I usually just call my wife when I'm like that but I thought I'd give her a break. (she's been through enough as it is.)


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## 3 AM

I cry a little whenever my cat lays on me and starts kneading


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## Fun Spirit

With this vibe of new people I think a new discord group should be created. {New energy}


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## 3 AM

Just burn some incense and the discord chat that already exists should be fine to join


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## Memories of Silence

Hi everyone.  SAS seems quiet today.


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## Fun Spirit

Have a good Friday or Saturday everyone.


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## Unforgiven17

Socialmisfits said:


> This is a failed thread but I have a solution. Chat is french for cat so we could just discuss cats in here.












What happens if you don't have a cat?


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## Socialmisfits

if you don’t have a cat, get out ;-)


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## Fun Spirit

I'm still staying. I don't have a cat( >. < )


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## Known




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## Unforgiven17

Known said:


> View attachment 148161


Did you order a lollipop from amazon and it came with a cat stuck to it? I hate it when that happens.


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## Known

Unforgiven17 said:


> Did you order a lollipop from amazon and it came with a cat stuck to it? I hate it when that happens.


I ordered toiletries but the lady who sent them had included some fancy wrapping and shredded paper. My kitten likes cardboard boxes so when he seen it was filled with the paper he was delighted . He’s a bit mental I wish I could have post videos here I’ve got such a funny one from today. He was jumping over my arm like some sort of horse show jumper 😂


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## Unforgiven17

Known said:


> I ordered toiletries but the lady who sent them had included some fancy wrapping and shredded paper. My kitten likes cardboard boxes so when he seen it was filled with the paper he was delighted . He’s a bit mental I wish I could have post videos here I’ve got such a funny one from today. He was jumping over my arm like some sort of horse show jumper 😂


Just realised it's your cats tongue stuck out with a bit of paper on it! It does look like a lollipop though.

Sounds cute, I like cats but think I'm too over enthuastistic when petting them (I'm used to dogs). I always end up getting scratched.


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## Known

Unforgiven17 said:


> Just realised it's your cats tongue stuck out with a bit of paper on it! It does look like a lollipop though.
> 
> Sounds cute, I like cats but think I'm too over enthuastistic when petting them (I'm used to dogs). I always end up getting scratched.


Im not into dogs I think they are cute but they are hard work, needy, can be smelly and they lick your face . Your dog looks cute though. I’ve always had cats so I’m used to them. I also think cats seem to love me like even random ones. My kitten does scratch me but not aggressively just more when he is playing. My kitten makes me laugh all the time as he’s always doing something crazy. Today just topped it off though when he started show jumping over my arm.


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## JH1983

Whenever I buy anything I leave the box out for a week or two. My cats love sleeping on/in new boxes.


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## Known

JH1983 said:


> Whenever I buy anything I leave the box out for a week or two. My cats love sleeping on/in new boxes.


I like to throw a toy into the box to keep him occupied . He’s an indoor cat so it’s hard to keep him entertained. The greatest source of entertainment is me it seems . He likes to sneak up on me and bite my hair.


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## Unforgiven17

Known said:


> Im not into dogs I think they are cute but they are hard work, needy, can be smelly and they lick your face . I’ve always had cats so I’m used to them. I also think cats seem to love me like even random ones. My kitten does scratch me but not aggressively just more when he is playing. My kitten makes me laugh all the time as he’s always doing something crazy. Today just topped it off though when he started show jumping over my arm.


Yes, dogs are all those things and more.

I would argue that cat poop is the smelliest thing known to man though, perhaps its because I'm not used to it but there is no odour quite like it - but I have known dogs try to eat it though so...... Hmm perhaps you are right.


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## JH1983

Known said:


> I like to throw a toy into the box to keep him occupied . He’s an indoor cat so it’s hard to keep him entertained. The greatest source of entertainment is me it seems . He likes to sneak up on me and bite my hair.


Our older cat still does that occasionally, but less so since we got him a little brother to play with. Every now and then he still likes to sneak up and bite. It's funny because if you play with him he's very careful not to claw you, but doesn't hesitate to bite hard.


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## Known

Unforgiven17 said:


> Yes, dogs are all those things and more.
> 
> I would argue that cat poop is the smelliest thing known to man though, perhaps its because I'm not used to it but there is no odour quite like it - but I have known dogs try to eat it though so...... Hmm perhaps you are right.


haha you make a valid point cat poo is definitely stinking 😂


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## zonebox

I have a virtual cat, does that count?


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## Known

JH1983 said:


> Our older cat still does that occasionally, but less so since we got him a little brother to play with. Every now and then he still likes to sneak up and bite. It's funny because if you play with him he's very careful not to claw you, but doesn't hesitate to bite hard.
> 
> View attachment 148162


aww they are so cute


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## Known

zonebox said:


> I have a virtual cat, does that count?


yes for your innovation 😻


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## zonebox

Known said:


> yes for your innovation 😻


Wooot!


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## Unforgiven17

I would recommend googling cats in boxes - it's fun. Never knew their love for them was such a big thing - not my cat in the picture.


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## Memories of Silence

I had to see if my sister’s kitten would fit in my handbag a few months ago, and she did.


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## Known




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## Known

Memories of Silence said:


> I had to see if my sister’s kitten would fit in my handbag a few months ago, and she did.


Did you steal her ? 😂


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## Memories of Silence

Known said:


> Did you steal her ? 😂


I wanted to, but I don’t think my dog would be happy.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> I wanted to, but I don’t think my dog would be happy.


Haha, yeah Razz wouldn't like the extra furball running around the house, eh?


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## Fun Spirit

Anybody cooking anything?


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Fun Spirit said:


> Anybody cooking anything?


Hash brown's and sausage patties for breakfast, probably with an egg too.


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## Memories of Silence

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Haha, yeah Razz wouldn't like the extra furball running around the house, eh?


He’ll have to get used to the new dog when I finally find one.


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## zonebox

My buddy, he is always there hanging out with me.








​He needs his nails trimmed again, I am always paranoid that I will hurt him so we take him to a pet shop that does it. The dude is my best friend, and you can actually tell when he is smiling, his eyes brighten up and he has the most dorky of expressions which always brings a smile to my face.

He actually adopted us, a few years ago. My family and I went out to get philly cheesesteaks and when we got home, he was laying near my boat wagging his tail, his poor fur was in ruins with large splotches missing, he was skinny, and tired. I gave the dude my sub, and water and thus the bond was formed. He stayed in our yard for a few weeks, while we searched for his owners, putting out flyers and even hitting the local facebook group, but there were no responses. Every day when I got back from work, he would run from the back yard to greet me. At night, he would stare into our house from our sliding glass door, but I was worried to let him in with my much smaller dog and kids. Eventually though, we let him into our house, and then took him to a vet and checked for a chip - there was none. I refused to give him a proper name, because at the time I did not want another dog and was sure someone owned him and would claim him, so I settled for JD as in John Doe and that is what we called him since.

Last week, I stayed at my parents for two nights, and was told he mostly stayed by the front door waiting for me. There is a lot to be said of the genuine love a pet feels for their owner, and I appreciate it. Now I got to go over to him and give him a smooch on his big dorky nose 🙃


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## Known

zonebox said:


> My buddy, he is always there hanging out with me.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​He needs his nails trimmed again, I am always paranoid that I will hurt him so we take him to a pet shop that does it. The dude is my best friend, and you can actually tell when he is smiling, his eyes brighten up and he has the most dorky of expressions which always brings a smile to my face.
> 
> He actually adopted us, a few years ago. My family and I went out to get philly cheesesteaks and when we got home, he was laying near my boat wagging his tail, his poor fur was in ruins with large splotches missing, he was skinny, and tired. I gave the dude my sub, and water and thus the bond was formed. He stayed in our yard for a few weeks, while we searched for his owners, putting out flyers and even hitting the local facebook group, but there were no responses. Every day when I got back from work, he would run from the back yard to greet me. At night, he would stare into our house from our sliding glass door, but I was worried to let him in with my much smaller dog and kids. Eventually though, we let him into our house, and eventually took him to a vet and checked for a chip - there was none. I refused to give him a proper name, because at the time I did not want another dog and was sure someone owned him and would claim him, so I settled for JD as in John Doe and that is what we called him since.
> 
> Last week, I stayed at my parents for two nights, and was told he mostly waited by the front door waiting for me. There is a lot to be said of the genuine love a pet feels for their owner, and I appreciate it. Now I got to go over to him and give him a smooch on his big dorky nose 🙃


Thats so nice that he picked you. Sounds like he knew where to go. Think animals can be good detectors of people. Lovely how loyal he is. Maybe he really enjoyed that subway too. 🥣


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## Fun Spirit

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Hash brown's and sausage patties for breakfast, probably with an egg too.


Looks like I miss breakfast. LOL. Sounds good.


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## Socialmisfits

@zonebox That is exactly why I don’t want another dog ever again. I know how it,is I have been among dogs all my life. They wait for you, they miss you and all they want is to be with you 24/7. I too enjoy that company a lot but it also pains me to leave the house because I know the dog is waiting for me, maybe even wondering if I will return or not… They are the kindest creatures in existence but so vulnerable and needy. 
If I knew for sure I would never have to bother making a living I would opt for a dog but that is impossible.

Still I am a cat person though, love their independence and attitude.


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## Unforgiven17

zonebox said:


> My buddy, he is always there hanging out with me.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​He needs his nails trimmed again, I am always paranoid that I will hurt him so we take him to a pet shop that does it. The dude is my best friend, and you can actually tell when he is smiling, his eyes brighten up and he has the most dorky of expressions which always brings a smile to my face.
> 
> He actually adopted us, a few years ago. My family and I went out to get philly cheesesteaks and when we got home, he was laying near my boat wagging his tail, his poor fur was in ruins with large splotches missing, he was skinny, and tired. I gave the dude my sub, and water and thus the bond was formed. He stayed in our yard for a few weeks, while we searched for his owners, putting out flyers and even hitting the local facebook group, but there were no responses. Every day when I got back from work, he would run from the back yard to greet me. At night, he would stare into our house from our sliding glass door, but I was worried to let him in with my much smaller dog and kids. Eventually though, we let him into our house, and then took him to a vet and checked for a chip - there was none. I refused to give him a proper name, because at the time I did not want another dog and was sure someone owned him and would claim him, so I settled for JD as in John Doe and that is what we called him since.
> 
> Last week, I stayed at my parents for two nights, and was told he mostly stayed by the front door waiting for me. There is a lot to be said of the genuine love a pet feels for their owner, and I appreciate it. Now I got to go over to him and give him a smooch on his big dorky nose 🙃


So glad he found you.

I once found a dog in the field near our house, took him to the vet to be scanned - he was chipped but the vet couldn't disclose the address and they weren't answering their phone. I'd already seen the street name on the vets computer so we knocked door to door to reunite him with his owners.

I asumed that the people would be over the moon to see him, but they couldn't care less, in fact they looked quite put out that he had been returned. He had awful diarrhoea and their garden/house was dirty and a complete tip. 

If we hadn't had our own 2 dogs I would have kept him. 

I have no idea why some people get pets.


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## Unforgiven17

Socialmisfits said:


> @zonebox That is exactly why I don’t want another dog ever again. I know how it,is I have been among dogs all my life. They wait for you, they miss you and all they want is to be with you 24/7. I too enjoy that company a lot but it also pains me to leave the house because I know the dog is waiting for me, maybe even wondering if I will return or not… They are the kindest creatures in existence but so vulnerable and needy.
> If I knew for sure I would never have to bother making a living I would opt for a dog but that is impossible.
> 
> Still I am a cat person though, love their independence and attitude.


We have two. Other than for 2 hours on a morning (when our shifts overlap) there is usually someone at home. 

Once I came home early, they were both laid on the sofa with sleepy eyes looking at me as if to say - what are you doing home? Why have you woken us up? I'd never have just one now, they obviously keep each other company. 

In fact, during lock down I swear they would look at us as if to say - why are you still at home? Would you please go out, we need some time to ourselves.


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## Socialmisfits

@Unforgiven17 
yes it all depends on what they’re used to. The dog I have now has never been alone as I don’t work. When he doesn’t see me in the garden for 1 minute he starts searching me lol
I agree, one dog gets lonely. My dog initially had a friend but she passed away, he never got used to sleeping alone since.
I think people who would like to own a dog should get one from a dog shelter, too much people get dogs only to get rid of them some time later. I don’t understand this, where is the responsibility and empahthy?

Anyway no dog for me anymore, I have to try to get my life on track and another dog would make it impossible.


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## Memories of Silence

These wooden things are for wearing on your thumb to make it easier to hold your book open, but it would cover up the writing where it sits, and it would make it harder to turn the pages. I saw one for $26. They seem pointless, but most of the reviews are good.


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## Unforgiven17

That does seem pointless, however I don't have time to get engrossed in books to the point where I would need one. 

Maybe if you are constantly reading and need to do something with your other hand in between page turning it may be useful??? 

Or perhaps if you only have the use of one hand or if you have only one hand it may be useful???


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## Fun Spirit

Memories of Silence said:


> These wooden things are for wearing on your thumb to make it easier to hold your book open, but it would cover up the writing where it sits, and it would make it harder to turn the pages. I saw one for $26. They seem pointless, but most of the reviews are good.


Looks like a haunted item. 😱


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## Memories of Silence




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## Fun Spirit

Happy Friday everyone.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Ugh, I should have eaten more for breakfast. It's 3pm and I am hungry already. 

My shift can't be over soon enough. Lol


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## Memories of Silence

SAS has been quieter than usual lately. How is everyone today?


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> SAS has been quieter than usual lately. How is everyone today?


I am doing well today, just woke up and about to brush my teeth and have some lunch.


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## Fun Spirit

Have a good day everyone🙂


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## Socialmisfits

I’m doing good. Had a decent work out, listening to some music atm, life ain’t too bad really.


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## Socialmisfits

Fun Spirit said:


> Have a good day everyone🙂


thanks and you too!


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## Fun Spirit

It is Thursday already? I thought it was Wednesday.


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## WillYouStopDave

It can still be Wednesday if you want it to be bad enough to pretend that it is.


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## Memories of Silence

How is everyone today?


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## alienjunkie

Wait why did they take away the chat? I used to be on there aaaalll the time back in the day


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## Memories of Silence

My next door neighbours are playing their bad music so loud that my window is rattling. It’s always the same songs. They need to look for something else to listen to.


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## Socialmisfits

@Memories of Silence 
what songs? Let me be the judge


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## Memories of Silence

Socialmisfits said:


> @Memories of Silence
> what songs? Let me be the judge


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## Socialmisfits

@Memories of Silence 

since you were so nice to look for the songs and post the links I took the liberty of listening to all of them. I offer you and your windows my condolences for having to undergo this music.
It is simply devoid of any melody or diversity, modern music is not my taste.


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## alienjunkie

Socialmisfits said:


> maybe you exaggerate slightly since you only just realized the chat is gone


maybe I just realized that because I have not been on here in a couple years ¿


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## system

_enters chat_..._sits down_..._waits_


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## Memories of Silence

Hi, everyone


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## 3 AM




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## Memories of Silence

I didn’t realise that I had to go into the shopping centre to pick something up that I ordered with Click and Collect, so I wore my purple moccasin slippers. As well as that, I was wearing a top and pants that I wouldn’t usually wear outside of the house, and my hair was curly, which is how I rarely wear it. I’m glad I didn’t have to walk far and that there weren’t many people around.  It felt like I was following this list:


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> I didn’t realise that I had to go into the shopping centre to pick something up that I ordered with Click and Collect, so I wore my purple moccasin slippers. As well as that, I was wearing a top and pants that I wouldn’t usually wear outside of the house, and my hair was curly, which is how I rarely wear it. I’m glad I didn’t have to walk far and that there weren’t many people around.  It felt like I was following this list:
> View attachment 148292


Glad you were able to get your new coffee maker 😊 and you would make a cute bogan, mate


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## Memories of Silence

SAS has been very quiet for the last few days. How has everyone been?


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## WillYouStopDave

Memories of Silence said:


> SAS has been very quiet for the last few days. How has everyone been?


 It might be the whole back to school thing. Seems like there are certain times of the year where things are even more quiet but I can't remember which times.


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## Fun Spirit

Have a good day or evening everyone.


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## Memories of Silence




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## Socialmisfits

In my case I have just ran out of things to say so I post less. I also don’t want to recycle stuff. I visit daily though.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> View attachment 148341


Lovely handwriting as always! 🥰 I am having fun sorting through stuff at work but my feet need a break for a bit.


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## Tabris

This place seems very quiet now.


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## either/or

It seems mostly the same to me. There are slow days and busy days I guess. I think I post something here basically every day. Yea I don't got much going on lol.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

either/or said:


> It seems mostly the same to me.


Nah, it's much quieter these days. I have been here for basically a decade so I should know, lol.


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## Memories of Silence

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Lovely handwriting as always! 🥰 I am having fun sorting through stuff at work but my feet need a break for a bit.


Aww, thanks 😘 I hope your feet are okay now.

—

SAS goes through times where it is more active or more quiet, and I’ve never seen it this quiet. Maybe we should look for old, good threads and post in those so there is somewhere to post, as long as it isn’t too many threads at once and they are the type that would be worth bringing back (not threads from ten years ago where people asked for advice and aren’t here anymore).


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## Fun Spirit

Have a good afternoon and evening everyone.


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## Persephone The Dread

Tabris said:


> This place seems very quiet now.


Haven't seen you post in years, but yeah this place is very dead now compared to how it used to be.


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## RobbieFoxer

Hope everyone is enjoying their night/morning/afternoon. I'm just browsing the forum in bed, trying to get sleepy!


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## Socialmisfits

At least posts don’t get snowed in by dozens of new threads every day.
There really is not a lot to talk about really, everyday is the same so there is nothing much to discuss


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## Pechorin

I think I've only ever had proper conversations with a couple of members. 

If anyone's having a hard time of it and wants to vent, or wants to get to know a stranger on the internet a bit, my lines are open! I'm easy going. 

Since I can't go out and meet people in person much (due to SA and the pandemic), might as well get to know people through here more.


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## Fun Spirit

Happy Thursday everyone.


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## Memories of Silence

Hi everyone  It’s still very quiet on here.


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## Fun Spirit

Almost Fri-Yay 👍🏾🙂


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## Memories of Silence

Hi everyone.  I hope everyone has been well. I just realised that the second page of General Discussion still has threads that were last posted in four months ago, which is a long time for them to still be on the second page. I remember times where it only took a few hours to get to two pages of new posts on here.


----------



## zonebox

Memories of Silence said:


> I just realised that the second page of General Discussion still has threads that were last posted in four months ago,


We've lost so many of our regulars this past year ☹. Most of them have simply vanished, wherever they have gone off to I wish them well.


----------



## Socialmisfits

When I joined I thought it would be a fun place to spend time. I have to admit it is disappointing for me… sorry…
I have been getting pm’s by several members, they took the initiative and I responded and then they never replied again, some haven’t even showed up in many weeks. What’s the point of sending a pm and then never to get back to it?

Oh well it is probably my own fault. I’m just not very interesting or clever.


----------



## JH1983

I think I'll be here till they turn the lights out. This is the first forum I ever joined and I don't really do social media much.


----------



## zonebox

@JH1983 I'll probably be around till then as well. I haven't found any social media sites that have really filled the role of a forum, typically they are either too intrusive like facebook, or too impersonal like reddit. Twitter from what I see others posting of it, is usually just people arguing or insulting others, youtube can be entertaining but not really of use for dialogue, the others are generally for teenagers or twenty somethings.

I'm not really interested in chat, so things like discord are not my scene. 

It is a shame to see forums as a social outlet to be dwindling into oblivion.


----------



## Blue Dino

I think the problem with forums by design is it isn't really mobile friendly in today's standards. I never got into discord or other chat apps equivalent, because it's harder to participate into a conversation without feeling like I am inappropriately cutting into a conversation. Many times when I did, I actually am, for others to flat out say "sorry we're talking amongst ourselves, not to you." or reading "let's go to PM since other randos are joining in on our convo" right after I started joining in on a discussion. It makes one feel horrible. Forums however, if the person created a thread, I can just chime in without feeling I am inappropriately doing so because I am not directly talking to the person. I am just one of the many people randomly chiming in.


----------



## JH1983

@zonebox yeah, same for me for the same reasons. Social media communication is just too fast paced and the wrong format to really have great discussions. I like forums because a good topic can have back and forth pretty much indefinitely. No pressure in taking your time to reply either. 


@Blue Dino I don't think it's that bad on mobile, but I've never used anything except a phone since I got started with forums.


----------



## strange_world

I never post on these threads because I get nervous I'm butting in. I hope I'm not doing that now.  

I remember when I was on SAS about a decade ago and it had groups and friend adds and live chat and loads of features like that. It also had lots of traffic. I appreciate all that can't be done now due to an internet-wide decline in forum membership. But it was cool when so many people were into forum posting. I look at other forums and they're also very slow compared to the heyday so it's not just here.

That's a shame right? I like the pace of forum posting. I can go away and do other things and come back to post replies. I'm no good on actual instant messaging as I'm always a bit slow to think stuff up.


----------



## PurplePeopleEater

JH1983 said:


> I think I'll be here till they turn the lights out. This is the first forum I ever joined and I don't really do social media much.


Same. I'll be here until the very end. 

At least I have someone I've been talking to on email since December 2019. So that's a plus. I wouldn't be surprised if this forum is dead within 2 or 3 years. But who knows? It really has gotten less and less active. I've been here since October 2011 so I've seen all the changes. I'd say ever since September of this year is when it started to become dead. Before then it was still a bit active but I could tell it was getting on its way to really dying since the past few months. Seems like there's been so many back to back days where it goes like 14 hours with enough posts to count on one finger if even that. So thats not much activity at all. Not enough to fulfill a daily dose of the forum for the day anyways. Yesterday seemed slightly more active, though.


----------



## Fun Spirit

Any plans for the October month?


----------



## strange_world

Fun Spirit said:


> Any plans for the October month?


October? It's my brother's birthday on the 31st. He's a member of a minor political party in the UK so first of all I'm going to a political meeting with him. Then we go out to the pub. 🍻 Could be a good day.


----------



## JH1983

PurplePeopleEater said:


> Same. I'll be here until the very end.
> 
> At least I have someone I've been talking to on email since December 2019. So that's a plus. I wouldn't be surprised if this forum is dead within 2 or 3 years. But who knows? It really has gotten less and less active. I've been here since October 2011 so I've seen all the changes. I'd say ever since September of this year is when it started to become dead. Before then it was still a bit active but I could tell it was getting on its way to really dying since the past few months. Seems like there's been so many back to back days where it goes like 14 hours with enough posts to count on one finger if even that. So thats not much activity at all. Not enough to fulfill a daily dose of the forum for the day anyways. Yesterday seemed slightly more active, though.



I was scrolling back through general discussion last night looking for old threads to bump. This entire year is only 6 pages. 2016 was 66 pages and there was a thread then asking if the forum was dying. Last year was pretty dead too, which is weird since Covid would've kept people inside more. Some other hobby related forums I'm on are still pretty active.


----------



## PurplePeopleEater

JH1983 said:


> I was scrolling back through general discussion last night looking for old threads to bump. This entire year is only 6 pages. 2016 was 66 pages and there was a thread then asking if the forum was dying. Last year was pretty dead too, which is weird since Covid would've kept people inside more. Some other hobby related forums I'm on are still pretty active.


Yea, I was always thinking it's weird how more people aren't coming on here during Covid. It's crazy to think this year has only had 6 pages worth of stuff in this section. Lol...This is the only forum I use. There was another anxiety forum I used for a few months but then I forgot my password and just never used it again. I'm wondering if this place will even last 2 full years. It's possible it could drag out that long. I would like another 5 years at minimum but I could see the activity being non existent by then. Like maybe 2 posts a day. But I'm just guessing. I don't know for sure.


----------



## JH1983

PurplePeopleEater said:


> Yea, I was always thinking it's weird how more people aren't coming on here during Covid. It's crazy to think this year has only had 6 pages worth of stuff in this section. Lol...This is the only forum I use. There was another anxiety forum I used for a few months but then I forgot my password and just never used it again. I'm wondering if this place will even last 2 full years. It's possible it could drag out that long. I would like another 5 years at minimum but I could see the activity being non existent by then. Like maybe 2 posts a day. But I'm just guessing. I don't know for sure.



It'll probably eventually just be a few of us regulars talking amongst ourselves.


----------



## PurplePeopleEater

JH1983 said:


> It'll probably eventually just be a few of us regulars talking amongst ourselves.


That would be kind of interesting.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

JH1983 said:


> It'll probably eventually just be a few of us regulars talking amongst ourselves.


 It kind of already is. Most new members either turn out to be spammers or they never post anything. Or sometimes they post a thread or two which fails to generate any response and they disappear. 

I think forums like this one are difficult to keep going. The only forums I know of that are still active at all are forums that are for something specific. I haven't looked in a long time but I'd imagine head-fi (forum about headphones) is still somewhat active (though it wasn't anywhere near as active as it used to be last time I looked). Some hobby-based forums have never been as active as I'd have thought they'd be though. I've seen some that have been dead for years.

Anyway, I rarely see more than about 13 people online here (including people using invisible mode). I don't think I've seen even 20 online at once in months.


----------



## JH1983

WillYouStopDave said:


> It kind of already is. Most new members either turn out to be spammers or they never post anything. Or sometimes they post a thread or two which fails to generate any response and they disappear.
> 
> I think forums like this one are difficult to keep going. The only forums I know of that are still active at all are forums that are for something specific. I haven't looked in a long time but I'd imagine head-fi (forum about headphones) is still somewhat active (though it wasn't anywhere near as active as it used to be last time I looked). Some hobby-based forums have never been as active as I'd have thought they'd be though. I've seen some that have been dead for years.
> 
> Anyway, I rarely see more than about 13 people online here (including people using invisible mode). I don't think I've seen even 20 online at once in months.



I leave this and a few other forums open on my phone at all times. So probably shows me online at all times. And yeah, if you look at join dates on active posters there's only a few that joined in the last couple years. Everyone else 2015 and before.

I'm on a couple gym related ones that are still pretty active. I tried a car related one out this year. It's extremely active, but I didn't feel like I fit in at all besides owning the same car. Tried reddit a little too, but I just don't care for it.


----------



## Fun Spirit

I hope everyone is well here.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Hi everyone


----------



## Memories of Silence

How has everyone’s day been?


----------



## either/or

Well my day is pretty much just getting started. Actually it's the next day I guess lol since it's now your night and I was asleep I think when you asked that question haha. The internet time warp is messing with my mind again.

But anyway, so far today I went and got air in my tires, got groceries and gave $2 to a homeless guy. Getting air sucked because the machine wouldn't work. It was a struggle to fill them properly. Then a homeless man wandered over and asked me if I had any money I could spare. I had $2 in my pocket so gave it to him and told him this is all I have but I hope it helps you out. Then I went down the street and picked up a few groceries.

I usually do errands like this early in the morning right after I get up so I can get them out of the way. I don't like to do them in the middle of the day, then I feel like the I've wasted the best part of the day.


----------



## PurplePeopleEater

either/or said:


> Well my day is pretty much just getting started. Actually it's the next day I guess lol since it's now your night and I was asleep I think when you asked that question haha. The internet time warp is messing with my mind again.
> 
> But anyway, so far today I went and got air in my tires, got groceries and gave $2 to a homeless guy. Getting air sucked because the machine wouldn't work. It was a struggle to fill them properly. Then a homeless man wandered over and asked me if I had any money I could spare. I had $2 in my pocket so gave it to him and told him this is all I have but I hope it helps you out. Then I went down the street and picked up a few groceries.
> 
> I usually do errands like this early in the morning right after I get up so I can get them out of the way. I don't like to do them in the middle of the day, then I feel like the I've wasted the best part of the day.


I'm the same way about getting errands done. Lol...For me, it's also more of a distraction than anything if you do it later in the day. Cause you have to remember to get it done and then go out and do it before you can do anything else.


----------



## either/or

Yea I'm definitely a get it done and over with and get on with your day kinda guy. I hate having things hanging over my head all day. I want to be a free spirit with nothing holding me back lol.


----------



## Memories of Silence

How is everyone?


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> How is everyone?


I am doing well today!  😘


----------



## Yulp

Memories of Silence said:


> This is to replace the chatroom SAS used to have. 🙂 I mentioned starting this thread in _What Do You Think Would Make SAS Better?_
> 
> It is different to threads like _Type What You’re Thinking About Right_ and ones similar to that, and you don’t need to worry as much about going off-topic. This is for conversations, and not only what you’re thinking about (for example).
> 
> It will be easier to moderate than the chatroom was because posts can be reported and everything will be easy to see. All of the rules still apply in this thread - please be respectful and don’t post things that belong in 18+. If someone says something you don’t like or don’t agree with, it is always better to ignore it than to let it turn into an argument.



Being able to add friends would be cool so would an instant messenger. The private messenger being use know kinda sucks you gotta constantly refresh


----------



## Memories of Silence

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> I am doing well today!  😘


I’m glad you are.  I am, too, after receiving your gift. 😘🥰


Yulp said:


> Being able to add friends would be cool so would an instant messenger. The private messenger being use know kinda sucks you gotta constantly refresh


Welcome to SAS.  “Follow” is the same as adding people as friends on here, but it doesn’t do much that makes it worth using.


----------



## Hummer3

Wassuppp


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Hummer3 said:


> Wassuppp


Hi.


----------



## Protozoan

I returned here after a few years of inactivity and was sad to see that the chatroom and instant messaging people is no longer a feature. I used to randomly message members here and strike up conversations. Most of the time people were receptive. Occasionally I did get radio silence, but it didn't deter me. Does the discord channel still exist?


----------



## Memories of Silence

How is everyone today?


----------



## dearestjane

I am okay. hi. A chat feature would be funny. I remember the chatrooms from 20 years ago lol a way to waste time with other people lol


----------



## Memories of Silence

dearestjane said:


> I am okay. hi. A chat feature would be funny. I remember the chatrooms from 20 years ago lol a way to waste time with other people lol


If more people post in this thread, it could work like a chatroom.  A lot of people ask about those, but seem to ignore this thread.


----------



## Jo_Frey

Hello!
Last day of quarantine for me. It was overwhelming. For me, SA kicks in when I hadn't gone out for a few days.


----------



## slyfox

Jo_Frey said:


> Hello!
> Last day of quarantine for me. It was overwhelming. For me, SA kicks in when I hadn't gone out for a few days.


Hi, and welcome to SAS Jo_Frey!


----------



## Jo_Frey

Thank you very much!
I feel really exhausted after the quarantine. 
I have received a sign from my loved one (through third person) , that she at least had some compassion about me... But then I did several mistakes that I'm afraid that will cost my sanity, God forbid!


----------



## dearestjane

Hello again all. It appears it's been 3 days since I was last here. yeah, not a way to keep the chat thread alive :/


----------



## Memories of Silence

What will all of you do today?


----------



## Alleviate Suffering

I can't sleep anymore. My mind is just full of all my failings as a person and the mistakes I have made in my life. I can't get any relief from the dark thoughts, they are incessant, endless, relentless. 

Does anyone else here suffer from insomnia?


----------



## harrison

Alleviate Suffering said:


> *I can't sleep anymore. My mind is just full of all my failings as a person and the mistakes I have made in my life. I can't get any relief from the dark thoughts, they are incessant, endless, relentless.*
> 
> Does anyone else here suffer from insomnia?


That happens to me a lot too - it used to be pretty much every night. Not as much I don't think now that I raised my medication - I seem to sleep through the night a bit better. But I know the feelings you describe all too well.

I usually have the radio ready - I listen to the BBC a lot, it passes the time and takes your mind off things a bit. And usually I feel better in the morning.


----------



## dearestjane

@Alleviate Suffering - ugh, 3am thoughts are the worst. What has helped me with sleep has been setting a bedtime, although I've stopped that. I also listen to either sleep stories or some nature sounds. They have helped so much. Like @harrison, I also have a prescription to medication that helps me sleep. I don't take too much though or else I am drowsy all day....


----------



## dearestjane

This morning I attended a virtual symposium about education. Lots of smart people shared so much knowledge. And believe it or not, I made a couple contacts. I participated through the chat feature. After, I made myself some coffee, showered and got dressed (yay). Talked to my sister on the phone. Came here to this site and have been posting on and off, switching between different tabs (always so many tabs open). I think I am going to hang out with my sister later and have dinner, maybe work on a creative project. She's been feeling worn out, and I've been all over the place, so it will be good to sit down and talk things through.


----------



## Memories of Silence

This is the busiest I have seen SAS for a while.


----------



## dearestjane

Has anyone ever set up something like a zoom meetup?


----------



## dearestjane

We wouldn't even have to turn on the cameras. Actually, it would be better not to turn on the cameras. We would just be black boxes. And well, our voices perhaps here and there


----------



## system

i hope everything works out today!


----------



## Fun Spirit

I hope everyone been good.


----------



## Memories of Silence

SAS has been quiet today. How is everyone?


----------



## system

Memories of Silence said:


> SAS has been quiet today. How is everyone?


hey...youre from Australia, right?...were there ever any huge spiders in your house?


----------



## Memories of Silence

system said:


> hey...youre from Australia, right?...were there ever any huge spiders in your house?


Sometimes we get huntsman spiders, which are scary, but there haven't been any big spiders for a while because my mum uses special spray to keep them away. There is always at least one daddy long legs, but I can usually pick them up in my hand and put them outside.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Hi everyone 😊 I hope that you are all having a nice day.


----------



## zonebox

I think I have devolved into a large pile of mush, and am unable to get up from this couch. Like I'm laying down, with a laptop off to my side on a little roller desk, and I have my arms in all sorts of funky angles to type this. I'm hungry, yet lazy.. I don't know which will win. I have my diet mountain dew to hold me over, but am portioning it off to last me hopefully for the next hour.









_ <-A depiction of my current state of being. I have become zonemush_


----------



## system

Memories of Silence said:


> Sometimes we get huntsman spiders, which are scary, but there haven't been any big spiders for a while because my mum uses special spray to keep them away. There is always at least one daddy long legs, but I can usually pick them up in my hand and put them outside.


Huntsman spiders are horrible!...omg!!!...theyre huugggee!...are you afraid of spiders?


----------



## alwaysrunning

🕸🕷 I always get spiders in a jar and put them out. There was one so big one time I took it all the way up the park. Don't want that coming back in lol

What does everyone think of the New Kids On The Block and other 80s artists new song Being Back The Time?


----------



## Memories of Silence

Hi everyone 🙂

I put bigger spiders in jars or snaplock bags and let them outside, and I carry smaller ones like daddy long legs outside in my hand or on a piece of paper. There haven‘t been many for a while.


----------



## Alleviate Suffering

I don't have a phobia of spiders so I am happy to carry them outside carefully on a piece of paper. But as I am doing so I give them a stern lecture on the dangers of entering human being's houses. You were lucky, I tell them, many human beings would have tried to crush you.


----------



## Memories of Silence

How has everyone been today?


----------



## Starcut83

I feel like a convoluted mess right now but things have a way of working out in time...I just wish I could jump ahead and see the future for a moment...thankfully patience is one of my strongest attributes despite my tendency to get ahead of myself at times.

Hope everyone is having a good day. I'd even settle for an okay day.


----------



## Pechorin

I didn't even know we had a chat thread. 

Hello, people.


----------



## Memories of Silence

I hope everyone is having a good day.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Memories of Silence said:


> I hope everyone is having a good day.


Me too.


----------



## andy1984

day just started here. it's quite warm. I want the good autumn weather back


----------



## Socialmisfits

It always takes a while for me to get used to the changing of the seasons. Once I get used to longer days and sunshine I will start to love it but for now I’m still in winter modus when I like it getting dark early and especially the heat of a fireplace.
I also have to get used to my surroundings all suddenly bursting into life. After months of calm on the streets and in the backyards I hear kids screaming, music blaring and hordes of cyclists and motorcycles going through the streets at ungodly speed.


----------



## alifb8

I can see how those noises can be annoying. When I lived alone I appreciated the noises of the city because it helped me not feel so alone in my apartment. I love the spring and summer months. I live in the rainiest US city so any sunshine is good. 🌻


----------



## Memories of Silence

SAS has been more active this week, which is nice.  I hope everyone has a great day.


----------



## Folded Edge

It does seem there has been a number of returnees, including myself of a late as well.


----------



## Reptilianboy

A stranger has decided that i am their child and they are my parent...They comment on my IG ''son'' etc. really odd. Why don't they just adopt if they want one so bad.


----------



## Memories of Silence

Reptilianboy said:


> A stranger has decided that i am their child and they are my parent...They comment on my IG ''son'' etc. really odd. Why don't they just adopt if they want one so bad.


Are they saying it like they really think they’re your parent? Some people say “son” as an endearing word for boys and men, especially if a man doesn’t want to call another man “darl” or ”hun” (my dad says “son” and has accidentally called strange men “darl” without thinking a few times).


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Reptilianboy said:


> A stranger has decided that i am their child and they are my parent...They comment on my IG ''son'' etc. really odd. Why don't they just adopt if they want one so bad.


Some people talk like that normally, or use it as slang sometimes. It isn't that big of a deal in my opinion.


----------



## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> If you genuinely believe what you are saying (and why else would you say it), you must be living in a real hell and it must be an incredibly lonely place to be. I hope you have access to a good therapist because there really is a different world to the one you inhabit, it's worth fighting for. At the very least, I hope you have a friend to talk to.
> 
> I once had a friend who was similarly distrustful of people. He was a great guy in many respects, fun, thoughtful and, I think, loyal. I liked him a lot. But there was no amount of time, friendship or effort that could make a dent in his distrust of people. He alienated his friends -- after all, who doesn't tire of being treated like a criminal. I still think of him sometimes and wonder what happened to him, it makes me sad things turned out the way they did.


Hi, thank you, on some level, I am sad and lonely and pathetic, but in other ways I have experienced the best NYC has to offer. I have snuck into the front row in almost every major sport in NYC often for entire games, i went hang gliding 4,000 feet in the air, jetskiing 56MPH, speedboats up to 78MPH, pontoon boats, helicopter tours in 3 states and rode in a Lamorghini 150MPH. This was all pretty much in the last year or 2, I blew through 90% of my savings, but anyway aside from that, yes I do mistrust people but it is also that i am exhausted with people and kinda over them, and can't do people, on some level. I have not had a friend in 10 years. I was seeing a therapist for a long time, but cut him off a few years ago, we were going in circles and not getting anywhere. 

So to sum up, on some level my situation is sad, but a lot of people would kill to have some of my experiences, but anything can get old. The fact that I now have no savings means I basically can't date, I don't have the mental stamina or physical strength to deal with a woman or a friend or anyone, I am now 44 years old and exhausted, I went to over 1000 pro sports games since 2003 and I am exhausted, my business which i worked full-time for years took a lot out of me. The woman i was nuts over ditched me in 2016 after 2 and 1/2 years and the friend I was cool with for 7 years ditched me in 2011 or 2012. There are really no replacements for both of them, and I don't have the time, money or energy to start looking. I am treated like a criminal or creep or weirdo or SOMETHING

I understand what you are saying but there is a legitimate reason to distrust people, most just want to use you for money, and if not that, they can spread rumors about you, find your weaknesses and expose you, etc. It isn't imagined or in my head, this is from PLENTY of instances where people backstabbed me or stole from me or talked behind my back, all first-hand


----------



## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Hi, thank you, on some level, I am sad and lonely and pathetic, but in other ways I have experienced the best NYC has to offer. I have snuck into the front row in almost every major sport in NYC often for entire games, i went hang gliding 4,000 feet in the air, jetskiing 56MPH, speedboats up to 78MPH, pontoon boats, helicopter tours in 3 states and rode in a Lamorghini 150MPH. This was all pretty much in the last year or 2, I blew through 90% of my savings, but anyway aside from that, yes I do mistrust people but it is also that i am exhausted with people and kinda over them, and can't do people, on some level. I have not had a friend in 10 years. I was seeing a therapist for a long time, but cut him off a few years ago, we were going in circles and not getting anywhere.
> 
> So to sum up, on some level my situation is sad, but a lot of people would kill to have some of my experiences, but anything can get old. The fact that I now have no savings means I basically can't date, I don't have the mental stamina or physical strength to deal with a woman or a friend or anyone, I am now 44 years old and exhausted, I went to over 1000 pro sports games since 2003 and I am exhausted, my business which i worked full-time for years took a lot out of me. The woman i was nuts over ditched me in 2016 after 2 and 1/2 years and the friend I was cool with for 7 years ditched me in 2011 or 2012. There are really no replacements for both of them, and I don't have the time, money or energy to start looking. I am treated like a criminal or creep or weirdo or SOMETHING
> 
> I understand what you are saying but there is a legitimate reason to distrust people, most just want to use you for money, and if not that, they can spread rumors about you, find your weaknesses and expose you, etc. It isn't imagined or in my head, this is from PLENTY of instances where people backstabbed me or stole from me or talked behind my back, all first-hand


I didn't mean 'sad' in a sense of 'pathetic'. There is nothing pathetic about struggling with one's mental health, or about feeling lonely. Seeing people suffer does make me feel sad but it doesn't mean I look down on them or think them helpless/hopeless. It makes me feel sad because I recognise the suffering.

It's cool that you've had a lot of interesting life experiences, it will always be something amazing to remember. I'm yet to do any of those things although I guess I've had other experiences. The one time I tried jet-skiing I struggled to even stand up on the skis. Hopefully I can have another go in the future.

You say that there are legitimate reasons to distrust people and that's true. Some people do behave as if they don't have a good bone in their body and even good people sometimes do bad things. I've had to learn it over the years, my MO used to be that I'd do anything for a person I've become friends with, which cost me dearly. It doesn't have to be a choice between isolation and getting taken advantage of, though. Trust simply takes time to build. On the other hand, if isolation suits you just fine, that's fine too. There's nothing weird or creepy about it.


----------



## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> I didn't mean 'sad' in a sense of 'pathetic'. There is nothing pathetic about struggling with one's mental health, or about feeling lonely. Seeing people suffer does make me feel sad but it doesn't mean I look down on them or think them helpless/hopeless. It makes me feel sad because I recognise the suffering.


Ok thanks for explaining, I mean i honestly do think that as far as me as a social person or in the dating world, i am literally sad, lonely and pathetic. All I have in my life experience is going to events and games and often sneaking into the best seats or recently thrill-seeking things. I have, for whatever reason, no value in the dating scene or socially such as being invited to parties.

Yes I was lucky to do some fun things but in recent years, the thrill-seeking things, can take 1-4 hours of traveling to get to the places, and cost a lot of money, so you do pay the price not just with money but with energy and time, plus you will eventually deal with attitude from people along the way inevitably. With jetskiing, that might be the only time i do it, I kinda half-stood up and half sat down while on them. The biggest danger is if you are going 40MPH or more and hit big waves because you kinda jump up or hydroplane whatever it is called, and when you land you can easily hit your head on the front of the jetskii or fall off. For 90% of it, it is completely exhausting and you are struggling bouncing up and down with the waves. For a small stretch, if the water is perfectly calm, you can go fast and I went 56MPH, but that is very rare and you can't have any boats within a mile or 2 or they will create waves and you can't go nearly that fast. 56MPH was the speed limit on my jetskii but I think depending on the jetski you could possibly go 75mph

I now am completely broke, all the fun things i did cost money. I am kinda MIA this summer, I have a ton of video games to occupy my time. I don't have the money to do much this summer anyway. I signed up to online dating a couple of days ago after a 10-month break but i am already exhausted with it, the whole process of jumping through hoops, and kind of dreading if i have to meet the people and eventually be rejected. I really think I have no choice but to live in isolation. It isn't just mistrust, most people also just bore me, or are not worth it, or don't click with me. The fact that I don't drink alcohol anymore and I am a vegetarian are HUGE red flags to most people. On top of that, I don't want to spend money when I am out, I am broke but what is the point in wasting money? I prefer to save money and eat at home. Most people like the idea of wherever the hell they go when they go out, they immediately look for the snack bar or restaurant area and drink tons of beer and eat out of control, and I don't have the money for it or see the point in it. Yea well like I just got here and now I have to wait for you for 20-30 minutes to stand on line to buy beer and junk food? So why am I even going with you? If i went alone i could simply be alone but now I am alone and annoyed wondering when the hell you are going to get back. EAT AT HOME BEFORE YOU GET TO THE PLACE!!!!

Plus it took me about 7 years to finally lose weight and I lost maybe 15 pounds and I am finally breathing normally so it is like "No, I don't want to drink or eat junk food, I did that for most of my life and I am over it" My point is, if you are the only one not eating meat or drinking beer or shots or pigging out, you look funny to people, and they judge you, trust me it happened to me all the time


----------



## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Ok thanks for explaining, I mean i honestly do think that as far as me as a social person or in the dating world, i am literally sad, lonely and pathetic. All I have in my life experience is going to events and games and often sneaking into the best seats or recently thrill-seeking things. I have, for whatever reason, no value in the dating scene or socially such as being invited to parties.
> 
> Yes I was lucky to do some fun things but in recent years, the thrill-seeking things, can take 1-4 hours of traveling to get to the places, and cost a lot of money, so you do pay the price not just with money but with energy and time, plus you will eventually deal with attitude from people along the way inevitably. With jetskiing, that might be the only time i do it, I kinda half-stood up and half sat down while on them. The biggest danger is if you are going 40MPH or more and hit big waves because you kinda jump up or hydroplane whatever it is called, and when you land you can easily hit your head on the front of the jetskii or fall off. For 90% of it, it is completely exhausting and you are struggling bouncing up and down with the waves. For a small stretch, if the water is perfectly calm, you can go fast and I went 56MPH, but that is very rare and you can't have any boats within a mile or 2 or they will create waves and you can't go nearly that fast. 56MPH was the speed limit on my jetskii but I think depending on the jetski you could possibly go 75mph
> 
> I now am completely broke, all the fun things i did cost money. I am kinda MIA this summer, I have a ton of video games to occupy my time. I don't have the money to do much this summer anyway. I signed up to online dating a couple of days ago after a 10-month break but i am already exhausted with it, the whole process of jumping through hoops, and kind of dreading if i have to meet the people and eventually be rejected. I really think I have no choice but to live in isolation. It isn't just mistrust, most people also just bore me, or are not worth it, or don't click with me. The fact that I don't drink alcohol anymore and I am a vegetarian are HUGE red flags to most people. On top of that, I don't want to spend money when I am out, I am broke but what is the point in wasting money? I prefer to save money and eat at home. Most people like the idea of wherever the hell they go when they go out, they immediately look for the snack bar or restaurant area and drink tons of beer and eat out of control, and I don't have the money for it or see the point in it. Yea well like I just got here and now I have to wait for you for 20-30 minutes to stand on line to buy beer and junk food? So why am I even going with you? If i went alone i could simply be alone but now I am alone and annoyed wondering when the hell you are going to get back. EAT AT HOME BEFORE YOU GET TO THE PLACE!!!!
> 
> Plus it took me about 7 years to finally lose weight and I lost maybe 15 pounds and I am finally breathing normally so it is like "No, I don't want to drink or eat junk food, I did that for most of my life and I am over it" My point is, if you are the only one not eating meat or drinking beer or shots or pigging out, you look funny to people, and they judge you, trust me it happened to me all the time


It seems that you know yourself well and are clear on what you want and don't want from people. You'd rather not date alcohol & junk food lovers who want to go out all the time. That does narrow the pool of people you might date but isn't that a good thing? What's the point of putting up with someone you clearly dislike just to fall out with them later?

We have something in common in that I also don't drink alcohol and eat plants. I find it rarely makes for awkward situations. The other day my partner was buying me a non-alcoholic beer at a pub and asked to see the bottles to check which ones were vegan. He apologised for the extra hassle and the pub landlord just said 'no problem, that's just being a publican in the XXI century'. I'm sure some people in this world wouldn't want to hang out with me if I won't share a steak and beer with them. Sometimes, like you say, it's judgement, sometimes it's just a compatibility issue and it's fine. Why choose people who don't choose you? It's just a waste of everyone's time.

So you have done something many people never manage - you've lost weight and made positive choices for your health. You also spent a lot of money on fun experiences. Now you don't want to jump through hoops, chase people who aren't interested in you, spend money and time doing things you are not interested in. That sounds totally sensible to me. I think that's the cool part of getting older, you feel more free to be yourself and can be more assertive of your needs.

It sounds like you've experienced a lot of painful rejection. Have people been extra mean to you or is it just rejection itself that bothers you?


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> It sounds like you've experienced a lot of painful rejection. Have people been extra mean to you or is it just rejection itself that bothers you?


Well I guess I know myself on some level. I finally had about 4 or 5 beers a couple of nights ago, I had not had alcohol in 9 months. I was hanging out with someone and hopefully it works out long-term. I think if you have the self-control to be able to put down alcohol for up to a few years and pick it up again, (and have the willpower to put it down again, some people can't do that), I have no issue with it. I mean hard liquor is a whole other ballgame that I basically avoid at all costs. At this point, yes i have not actually eaten meat in over 20 years more than once or twice, but not exactly for health reasons. What I mainly do now is eat once a day but i eat like bean curd tacos yellow rice, black beans chips, cookies, chocolate and candy all in huge amounts but because I am eating once a day I can still basically maintain my weight. It is just like basically eat completely out-of-control once a day. I am not vegan but I would only really eat sour cream.

The real problem is people's judgment when you are the only one out not drinking beer or eating meat, especially as a guy. About going out, I have been going out alone for 10 years but because I didn't have money I was mainly going to sporting events and buying the cheapest tickets. The issue is that most people who want to go out will spend $14 for 1 beer at a game and buy 3 or 4 beers. If you are the only one not doing that, you look bizarre. You are expected to buy drinks for dates and even rarely people around you at the bar as a custom. At a bar the beers in NYC might be closer to $8 or $9 but you have to leave tips and at a real bar or lounge or club, drinking is more of a "must" where everyone is drinking.

I have another year of Jets NFL football season tickets and Nets NBA basketball season tickets and I may give up both after this year. I am too exhausted mentally, emotionally, psychologically and physically. I also am broke so me renewing both of them will be a huge chunk of my savings which they ask for the money for both teams in May of every year. I hopefully will be with someone where they are OK with me staying home with them and not obsessed with going out to bars lounges and clubs and events like most women in NYC are. That is what I have been missing. I have been to probably 1000 games and snuck into the front row of almost every arena and ballpark in NYC and New Jersey area. What I was missing was human contact and a relationship even if it is casual.

It is hard to say if i experienced more rejection than the average person, factoring in that i didn't try that much to begin with. People have been mean to me all along, but I am not sure how much of the problem was that i let them get to me. I don't know what the average person had to endure to climb the social ladder, and what obstacles (jerks, people confronting them) they had to face. I was partly cowardly that i didn't chase women or confidently talk to people and be shown on display. My point is, sitting in my apartment I can't really put myself out there. On the other hand, I was out there, but without me doing customary things like drinking and buying drinks for people i could not afford, wasn't really possible. I was out there but I was invisible in my seat at games or movie theatres 

I would be rejected wayyyy more than a Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt type who women chase THEM. On the other hand, I think I had an OK chance if I really tried. Not a great chance, I would have mostly had to look for women in less demand because I would have been in less demand. I partly also did not care about anything so was not that devastated at times... me at 44 years old, I am getting older and I don't have a lot of years to date where I can function sexually. So there is some urgency and desperation now. I don't want to be 80 years old running around looking for someone


----------



## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Well I guess I know myself on some level. I finally had about 4 or 5 beers a couple of nights ago, I had not had alcohol in 9 months. I was hanging out with someone and hopefully it works out long-term. I think if you have the self-control to be able to put down alcohol for up to a few years and pick it up again, (and have the willpower to put it down again, some people can't do that), I have no issue with it. I mean hard liquor is a whole other ballgame that I basically avoid at all costs. At this point, yes i have not actually eaten meat in over 20 years more than once or twice, but not exactly for health reasons. What I mainly do now is eat once a day but i eat like bean curd tacos yellow rice, black beans chips, cookies, chocolate and candy all in huge amounts but because I am eating once a day I can still basically maintain my weight. It is just like basically eat completely out-of-control once a day. I am not vegan but I would only really eat sour cream.
> 
> The real problem is people's judgment when you are the only one out not drinking beer or eating meat, especially as a guy. About going out, I have been going out alone for 10 years but because I didn't have money I was mainly going to sporting events and buying the cheapest tickets. The issue is that most people who want to go out will spend $14 for 1 beer at a game and buy 3 or 4 beers. If you are the only one not doing that, you look bizarre. You are expected to buy drinks for dates and even rarely people around you at the bar as a custom. At a bar the beers in NYC might be closer to $8 or $9 but you have to leave tips and at a real bar or lounge or club, drinking is more of a "must" where everyone is drinking.
> 
> I have another year of Jets NFL football season tickets and Nets NBA basketball season tickets and I may give up both after this year. I am too exhausted mentally, emotionally, psychologically and physically. I also am broke so me renewing both of them will be a huge chunk of my savings which they ask for the money for both teams in May of every year. I hopefully will be with someone where they are OK with me staying home with them and not obsessed with going out to bars lounges and clubs and events like most women in NYC are. That is what I have been missing. I have been to probably 1000 games and snuck into the front row of almost every arena and ballpark in NYC and New Jersey area. What I was missing was human contact and a relationship even if it is casual.
> 
> It is hard to say if i experienced more rejection than the average person, factoring in that i didn't try that much to begin with. People have been mean to me all along, but I am not sure how much of the problem was that i let them get to me. I don't know what the average person had to endure to climb the social ladder, and what obstacles (jerks, people confronting them) they had to face. I was partly cowardly that i didn't chase women or confidently talk to people and be shown on display. My point is, sitting in my apartment I can't really put myself out there. On the other hand, I was out there, but without me doing customary things like drinking and buying drinks for people i could not afford, wasn't really possible. I was out there but I was invisible in my seat at games or movie theatres
> 
> I would be rejected wayyyy more than a Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt type who women chase THEM. On the other hand, I think I had an OK chance if I really tried. Not a great chance, I would have mostly had to look for women in less demand because I would have been in less demand. I partly also did not care about anything so was not that devastated at times... me at 44 years old, I am getting older and I don't have a lot of years to date where I can function sexually. So there is some urgency and desperation now. I don't want to be 80 years old running around looking for someone


When you have to say that there's this massive going out culture within the dating scene, I have to agree. I think a lot of people just use alcohol as a sort of dysfunctional way to manage their confidence issues. Some women do see getting paid for as their due, not necessarily in a cynical/greedy way but perhaps as a sort of sexist trope where the man is supposed to take them out and pay for them. Many men see it that way too. It's totally possible to date outside this old-fashioned framework and many people do. Going to someone's house can be intimidating when you don't know them well but there are always walks in the nature, rooftop views, free galleries & museums, etc. It's a good way to select the right kind of people - the ones who will agree to a low-cost date will likely share your lifestyle.

I hope the person you've met proves a keeper. But even if not, a good night hanging out with someone is still an awesome experience. Your analysis re rejection seems realistic and rational, most of us are pretty average. Looking like a movie star guarantees attention, which is fun, but it doesn't guarantee better relationships (I mean, just look at Pitt's track record). When you're average, you have more incentive to improve yourself and how you relate to others, which can be very helpful provided that you don't take rejection personally and don't let it grind you down.

Anyway, hope you'll find the relationship you look for!


----------



## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> When you have to say that there's this massive going out culture within the dating scene, I have to agree. I think a lot of people just use alcohol as a sort of dysfunctional way to manage their confidence issues. Some women do see getting paid for as their due, not necessarily in a cynical/greedy way but perhaps as a sort of sexist trope where the man is supposed to take them out and pay for them. Many men see it that way too. It's totally possible to date outside this old-fashioned framework and many people do. Going to someone's house can be intimidating when you don't know them well but there are always walks in the nature, rooftop views, free galleries & museums, etc. It's a good way to select the right kind of people - the ones who will agree to a low-cost date will likely share your lifestyle.
> 
> I hope the person you've met proves a keeper. But even if not, a good night hanging out with someone is still an awesome experience. Your analysis re rejection seems realistic and rational, most of us are pretty average. Looking like a movie star guarantees attention, which is fun, but it doesn't guarantee better relationships (I mean, just look at Pitt's track record). When you're average, you have more incentive to improve yourself and how you relate to others, which can be very helpful provided that you don't take rejection personally and don't let it grind you down.
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll find the relationship you look for!


I think women are the one's who mostly want to go out, and that has almost created that scene. For the most part, men would rather be lazy and stay home. Most women are super gung-ho about going out, regardless of what they want to do. I finally had a drink this week and even closer to 10, after about 9 months sober, and I kinda can't socialize without alcohol. I am pretty firm that if i do start drinking semi-regularly, it would almost completely be beer and not hard liquor. Hard liquor feels like a drug if taken in large quantities. Beer to me never did even in large quantities.

Anyway as far as women and dating, I don't think most women are materialistic, I think the problem is society says the man should pay for things. As a man you are supposed to pay for minimally dinner and drinks and tickets to things, plus take care of them in other ways; hold doors, defend them if someone disrespects them. I know it sounds trivial but if you are out and someone disrespects you in front of the woman you are with, you are expected to fight back or make some witty comeback. The problem with that is there are lunatics running around and even if I can take someone in a fight, how do I know they don't have a friend and a weapon nearby, and if i do fight it is assault even if i was just defending myself.

I personally think me as a man should pay for maybe 60% of things, or maybe 65% of things. Most women don't see things that way. My only real problem where i was bothered with women expecting a guy to pay is a bunch of first dates I went on where I never saw them again, and I payed for dinner and drinks and they didn't thank me or mumbled something. For those types of women, which is not the majority, it was like they wanted me to just pay for dinner and drinks and everything else was secondary.

I actually think completely free things are ridiculous in the opposite extreme. As a guy, I don't mind paying for movies and pizza and soda or taqueria-type restaurants. The problem is most women will not date a guy who likes to go to Subway Sandwich or McDonalds or the park or free concerts. Museums or park or art galleries is almost too simple for me. I would almost rather pay $25 per ticket for a movie or pizza place or tacos.

I actually broke my extended celibacy with that woman and I am nuts about her, but things are already getting complicated. She is practically a shut-in due to anxiety and I want to go out a LITTLE. I go out a lot alone but she doesn't want to. But I go out to do things I want to do and i am not wasting money on overpriced drinks or food when i am out. And a bunch of smaller issues already. One funny thing is after sex which I have been obsessing about for a long time since my last experience, it really is like "be careful what you wish for" because it's over fast and then all your problems and issues are still on the table. She is exactly what I am looking for but me saying the right thing and being supportive and not being jealous and not being clingy are still a lot to juggle. I had been with this woman briefly in the year 2000 and had not seen her in 22 years, long story.

I was with 1 or 2 women in the past who were like movie-star looks and they are thrilling to be with on some level, not just sex but some type of charisma or charm or super-human confidence often. The problem is that those types of women who are the center of attention have a VERY short fuse. Why wouldn't they? They can get any guy they want and are used to getting special treatment in society. They have just as many problems as anyone else but you don't cross someone like that. Very hard to manage someone like that long-term, plus you do feel inferior to them on some level. The woman I am seeing now is somewhere in that level of super-hot chick, but not quite on the level of a few women i dated. But our personalities click so well that she becomes hotter, you know. I am about average in looks, if I worked out and got a tan and maybe got tattoos or body pierces, I could go up considerably in looks. All I have is my personality and wit and able to BS. I am not Brad Pitt. I have to run rings around good-looking guys personality-wise to have any shot


----------



## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> I think women are the one's who mostly want to go out, and that has almost created that scene. For the most part, men would rather be lazy and stay home. Most women are super gung-ho about going out, regardless of what they want to do. I finally had a drink this week and even closer to 10, after about 9 months sober, and I kinda can't socialize without alcohol. I am pretty firm that if i do start drinking semi-regularly, it would almost completely be beer and not hard liquor. Hard liquor feels like a drug if taken in large quantities. Beer to me never did even in large quantities.
> 
> Anyway as far as women and dating, I don't think most women are materialistic, I think the problem is society says the man should pay for things. As a man you are supposed to pay for minimally dinner and drinks and tickets to things, plus take care of them in other ways; hold doors, defend them if someone disrespects them. I know it sounds trivial but if you are out and someone disrespects you in front of the woman you are with, you are expected to fight back or make some witty comeback. The problem with that is there are lunatics running around and even if I can take someone in a fight, how do I know they don't have a friend and a weapon nearby, and if i do fight it is assault even if i was just defending myself.
> 
> I personally think me as a man should pay for maybe 60% of things, or maybe 65% of things. Most women don't see things that way. My only real problem where i was bothered with women expecting a guy to pay is a bunch of first dates I went on where I never saw them again, and I payed for dinner and drinks and they didn't thank me or mumbled something. For those types of women, which is not the majority, it was like they wanted me to just pay for dinner and drinks and everything else was secondary.
> 
> I actually think completely free things are ridiculous in the opposite extreme. As a guy, I don't mind paying for movies and pizza and soda or taqueria-type restaurants. The problem is most women will not date a guy who likes to go to Subway Sandwich or McDonalds or the park or free concerts. Museums or park or art galleries is almost too simple for me. I would almost rather pay $25 per ticket for a movie or pizza place or tacos.
> 
> I actually broke my extended celibacy with that woman and I am nuts about her, but things are already getting complicated. She is practically a shut-in due to anxiety and I want to go out a LITTLE. I go out a lot alone but she doesn't want to. But I go out to do things I want to do and i am not wasting money on overpriced drinks or food when i am out. And a bunch of smaller issues already. One funny thing is after sex which I have been obsessing about for a long time since my last experience, it really is like "be careful what you wish for" because it's over fast and then all your problems and issues are still on the table. She is exactly what I am looking for but me saying the right thing and being supportive and not being jealous and not being clingy are still a lot to juggle. I had been with this woman briefly in the year 2000 and had not seen her in 22 years, long story.
> 
> I was with 1 or 2 women in the past who were like movie-star looks and they are thrilling to be with on some level, not just sex but some type of charisma or charm or super-human confidence often. The problem is that those types of women who are the center of attention have a VERY short fuse. Why wouldn't they? They can get any guy they want and are used to getting special treatment in society. They have just as many problems as anyone else but you don't cross someone like that. Very hard to manage someone like that long-term, plus you do feel inferior to them on some level. The woman I am seeing now is somewhere in that level of super-hot chick, but not quite on the level of a few women i dated. But our personalities click so well that she becomes hotter, you know. I am about average in looks, if I worked out and got a tan and maybe got tattoos or body pierces, I could go up considerably in looks. All I have is my personality and wit and able to BS. I am not Brad Pitt. I have to run rings around good-looking guys personality-wise to have any shot


It really depends on who you hang out with, I know lots of women who prefer to go dutch on dates or even pay the whole bill themselves. And I think most people prefer to go out, it's just that added pressure when you_ have_ to do certain things that makes it unpleasant. You might not like museums & walks in nature, fair enough, but I'd have it over a takeaway any day ; ) Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

There's no way around all those relationship things - being supportive, not being jealous, etc. - I'm afraid. There are good and sucky things about being in a relationship and there are good and sucky things about being by yourself. You just need to weigh it up and decide what it is that you truly want. Like you said, sex is not a magic resolution to things, it's just a fun thing to do.

It's also totally true that someone whom you genuinely like will seem more attractive physically as a result. It works the other way round, too. I once saw a photo of a man I thought very attractive. I then found out he was a politician with no personality and of hideous views, he no longer looked attractive after that!



CaptainRoommate said:


> I was told by a young woman (smiling the whole time?) "I wouldn't want any man who wasn't assertive enough to ask me out, and no woman should."


I know a woman who says the exact same thing. She's also often depressed about being single, despite years of intensive dating. Go figure.


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> It really depends on who you hang out with, I know lots of women who prefer to go dutch on dates or even pay the whole bill themselves. And I think most people prefer to go out, it's just that added pressure when you_ have_ to do certain things that makes it unpleasant. You might not like museums & walks in nature, fair enough, but I'd have it over a takeaway any day ; ) Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
> 
> There's no way around all those relationship things - being supportive, not being jealous, etc. - I'm afraid. There are good and sucky things about being in a relationship and there are good and sucky things about being by yourself. You just need to weigh it up and decide what it is that you truly want. Like you said, sex is not a magic resolution to things, it's just a fun thing to do.
> 
> It's also totally true that someone whom you genuinely like will seem more attractive physically as a result. It works the other way round, too. I once saw a photo of a man I thought very attractive. I then found out he was a politician with no personality and of hideous views, he no longer looked attractive after that!
> 
> 
> 
> I know a woman who says the exact same thing. She's also often depressed about being single, despite years of intensive dating. Go figure.


Yea well I am in NYC and have been to probably 1000 pro sports games and other events and I have basically never seen a woman pay for a guy at games. All I see pretty much is the guy buying things: food, drinks, souveniers. (however you spell it) Even in coffee shops, maybe barring married couples, I don't see a woman buying for a man. I am not complaining, just kind of how it is. From my experience dating, I always paid for the bulk of things, and I wasn't setting out to do that, it just kind of happened naturally. My point is that in a perfect world for ME, I would prefer to buy a woman a burrito and lemonade at a Taqueria for maybe $15, then pay for a movie for her which might be another $20 or $30 per ticket. Or pay for a pizza pie that we share and buy a 6-pack and drink it alone. 

Most women will want to eat out at a place with ambience, waiters maybe wearing a tuxedo-type outfit, fine wine, Broadway shows, tickets to concerts or sports in the better sections. 
If you can only offer the basics, a Taqueria or Pizza and a 6-pack, it SEVERELY limits your options. I am bored out of my mind with museums and art galleries and Broadway shows, but I think my point is that I don't like anything having to do with cultured way of life. I don't read the NY Times cover to cover or read the Wall Street Journal. All I know is sports video games and movies. Well as a guy, I really initially am attracted to the person or not. If i then discover they have a great personality and sense of humor then I am just head over heels. 

At this point, I am kinda seeing someone again after a 22-year break from her, and already things are getting super-intense and complicated. Ironically she doesn't want to go out and is kinda a shut-in, but it hasn't made our situation much easier. She doesn't want money from me but she is suffocating me in a way. If it were up to her, she would have intense talks with me on the phone or in person 10 hours a day


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## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Yea well I am in NYC and have been to probably 1000 pro sports games and other events and I have basically never seen a woman pay for a guy at games. All I see pretty much is the guy buying things: food, drinks, souveniers. (however you spell it) Even in coffee shops, maybe barring married couples, I don't see a woman buying for a man. I am not complaining, just kind of how it is. From my experience dating, I always paid for the bulk of things, and I wasn't setting out to do that, it just kind of happened naturally. My point is that in a perfect world for ME, I would prefer to buy a woman a burrito and lemonade at a Taqueria for maybe $15, then pay for a movie for her which might be another $20 or $30 per ticket. Or pay for a pizza pie that we share and buy a 6-pack and drink it alone.
> 
> Most women will want to eat out at a place with ambience, waiters maybe wearing a tuxedo-type outfit, fine wine, Broadway shows, tickets to concerts or sports in the better sections.
> If you can only offer the basics, a Taqueria or Pizza and a 6-pack, it SEVERELY limits your options. I am bored out of my mind with museums and art galleries and Broadway shows, but I think my point is that I don't like anything having to do with cultured way of life. I don't read the NY Times cover to cover or read the Wall Street Journal. All I know is sports video games and movies. Well as a guy, I really initially am attracted to the person or not. If i then discover they have a great personality and sense of humor then I am just head over heels.
> 
> At this point, I am kinda seeing someone again after a 22-year break from her, and already things are getting super-intense and complicated. Ironically she doesn't want to go out and is kinda a shut-in, but it hasn't made our situation much easier. She doesn't want money from me but she is suffocating me in a way. If it were up to her, she would have intense talks with me on the phone or in person 10 hours a day


I can recognise it to some degree. When I was skint, I was dreaming of going for a meal 'somewhere with white tablecloths'. But we couldn't afford it so we'd just get a kebab or a pizza and yeah, some beers. 
I think that many women do have an inherent sense of fairness. They won't expect what they cannot afford. Finding someone like that who's also within a similar pay bracket does limit your options but you're not exactly in some remote backwater. NYC is swarming with women.

If you're feeling suffocated, maybe it's not a relationship for you. Idk, it's up to you to decide what you're happy to compromise on and what not. I don't think your goal of finding someone who'd be happy with a burrito and a movie is unreasonable. If I were you, I'd mention that's my idea of a great night in whatever profiles I'm using for dating. That will automatically filter out anyone unsuitable.


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> I can recognise it to some degree. When I was skint, I was dreaming of going for a meal 'somewhere with white tablecloths'. But we couldn't afford it so we'd just get a kebab or a pizza and yeah, some beers.
> I think that many women do have an inherent sense of fairness. They won't expect what they cannot afford. Finding someone like that who's also within a similar pay bracket does limit your options but you're not exactly in some remote backwater. NYC is swarming with women.
> 
> If you're feeling suffocated, maybe it's not a relationship for you. Idk, it's up to you to decide what you're happy to compromise on and what not. I don't think your goal of finding someone who'd be happy with a burrito and a movie is unreasonable. If I were you, I'd mention that's my idea of a great night in whatever profiles I'm using for dating. That will automatically filter out anyone unsuitable.


I personally have rarely with family eaten at fancy restaurants and i don't like any part of it. The portions are tiny, the waiters are over-dressed, the official heavy white tablecloth, the heavy cloth napkins. The salad fork and regular fork, the knowing the ettiquette (however you spell it). You order an appetizer which takes forever to get there, the main course, dessert, it becomes a long, drawn-out procedure and i am not even full at the end of the night because the portions are so small and then I have to leave and eat again.

Well it is complicated. If a woman in NYC is educated and high-class and works a high-paying job and is into fine dining and traveling, i don't deserve her and could not handle her way of life. I am pretty much a barbarian compared to someone like that. I think the biggest problem regarding dating is that it is just accepted and ingrained into society that the man pays for things. I don't think most women are just gold-diggers necessarily. It still does limit you if you are used to eating pizza and tacos and fast food.

In some ways you have just as good a chance in a small town as NYC. In a small town, there is not a lot of competition and if you meet someone, they might stay with you for life as opposed to being alone because there aren't many options for a woman in a town with a tiny population. There might be a local bar and a few diners. NYC SEEMS LIKE you have a lot of options. Just because there are millions of women here doesn't mean you have a ton of options. I do think that if i lower my standards, I could hypothetically find and possibly score with a lot of women in desperate situations like they don't have decent food or clothes or housing. I don't want that though. Women in desperate situations like that, there is no telling how unpredictably they could act because they have nothing to lose.

One problem with women in NYC is that for EVERYONE, it looks like you have more options dating than you do have. It is too easy to drop this and that person because they are not perfect, so you have to be like almost flawless to keep someone's attention here. The competition is also sky-high. Money isn't everything, but there are so many wealthy guys in NYC and if those guys have beautiful condos and vacation homes and nice cars. If those same guys ALSO are educated, have class, charisma, speak a few languages, have a 6-pack, well-informed politically, confident.... then guys like me don't really stand a chance.

That woman, I dated her briefly and it ended back then in 2000 because i just didn't talk then and was completely cut-off emotionally, and misunderstandings, and we were both living with our parents at the time so we had basically no privacy. It is definitely weird reconnecting after 22 years. I think it is going amazingly well despite the complications. She was worried I would vanish already initially and is kinda trying to find excuses to write me off. I am just trying to stay on a straight path and do and say everything right. i think she is amazed i haven't cut her off already because a lot of guys will just want to "smash and dash." I just know that the grass is not greener and I will try to stick it out with her as long as I can.

I blew through 95% of my savings in the last 2 years and have no car, no money, no confidence and no energy. I don't have anything left in the tank to search for new chicks. If it doesn't work out with her I might just stay celibate forever. I also can't get more bloodwork done for STD's because I almost literally pass out from blood tests


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## RedTulip

Life is hard


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## Memories of Silence

How is everyone today?


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## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> In a small town, there is not a lot of competition and if you meet someone, they might stay with you for life as opposed to being alone because there aren't many options for a woman in a town with a tiny population.


Don't you think that's depressing though? When someone stays with you because there aren't many options? I'd really rather be single than have a relationship like that.



Disheveled and Lost said:


> It is too easy to drop this and that person because they are not perfect, so you have to be like almost flawless to keep someone's attention here.


You're absolutely right on this, there are a lot of people in big cities who're endlessly window shopping because they're anxious that someone better might come along and they might miss their chance. I've had various people I know complaining that it's near impossible to get to know someone, you've just met for a coffee and within five minutes you've been judged and found wanting.



Disheveled and Lost said:


> I personally have rarely with family eaten at fancy restaurants and i don't like any part of it.


I like all the points about it that you listed as negatives - I recently had a 4 hour, 10-course dinner and it was amazing. However, I don't think any way of dining is inherently 'better'. A pizza and a beer can be just as fun. However, if haute cuisine turns your stomach, it's probably better to date someone who feels the same way (unless you're prepared to suffer for them occasionally).



Disheveled and Lost said:


> i think she is amazed i haven't cut her off already because a lot of guys will just want to "smash and dash."


It's a sensible idea to wait and see where it goes. Just to offer an opposite view - I've been on a date with a guy who complained of the opposite. He wanted to have a relationship and complained that women just want to have sex and then leave. I guess it can work both ways. It helps if people are clear from the outset on what they're looking for.



Disheveled and Lost said:


> I also can't get more bloodwork done for STD's because I almost literally pass out from blood tests


I'm sure I'm not suggesting something new here but hey, if you use condoms you'll have no need for blood tests. Safe, easy and affordable. Bonus: your lady friend doesn't need to take hormones (they work for some but the side effects are awful for others).


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## Chaibunny777

I miss being able to see who's online and have little chat logs. Like facebook messenger (not that I've had Facebook in years!) BUT i managed to make more connections that way as they were private msgs between me and another person and they didn't have to be about anything in particular.


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> It's a sensible idea to wait and see where it goes. Just to offer an opposite view - I've been on a date with a guy who complained of the opposite. He wanted to have a relationship and complained that women just want to have sex and then leave. I guess it can work both ways. It helps if people are clear from the outset on what they're looking for.


Yes well if you look deeper into it, it is depressing, but maybe on some level it is a good thing. Remember, in a small town, women will at least give men a fighting chance to get to know them and attempt something genuine and long-lasting. In my experience in NYC, women have so many options, or they think they do because of online dating, that dating is just fighting an uphill battle. I guess if I had a nice car, a great personality, a 6-pack, spoke several languages and traveled the world I would be a catch in NYC but who the hell has done that? I am not James Bond, you know? I just think in a city Like New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, maybe London, Paris, places like that, you have to have so many AMAZING aspects to you because there is just too much competition. It all comes down to money really, and if you are in an area where there is wealth, there are more things to do like activities, and there are strict lines as far as what you have access to if you do, or don't, have money. If you live in a small town, there is often 1 or 2 local bars so it is a level playing field. The cities i mentioned, there are just so many elaborate and expensive things to do, it limits you if you do not have the money to afford those things. I am not saying women are demanding in big cities, women just have way more options of EVERYTHING. As a guy without money in a big city, you are very restricted because you are basically watching everyone do fun things from the outside. I have done all of those things but mostly alone and not often.

As far as fine dining, I have only done it a good 10 times or so when i was forced to with family many years ago... Almost never liked the food because the portions are too small and it is a very specialized type of food, nothing standard really you could get at a diner or whatever. I also don't like the whole vibe of it. The waiters being over-dressed and wearing basically tuxedos makes me feel inadequate. I personally don't tend to like or get along with people who would normally or regularly eat out at fancy restaurants. Those types tend to be elitist and dress preppy, such as wearing suits or sports jackets and dress shoes. I don't really like people like that because they are usually HIGHLY educated and not down-to-earth and they are elitist. 

An update on my situation: The first woman I met I decided to end things because she was too clingy. She was completely furious at me, and I had like a 2-hour conversation explaining my side. I told her in the nicest possible way that I can't go on and gave a million reasons and she was still super-hostile. I then met another woman from a dating site who I was CRAZY ABOUT. After only a week or so, she started being critical and cut me off, which was pretty devastating. I now am completely fed up with dating. I feel my only option is online dating because I don't see any way i can go up to random women in public, even at a bar. I am too awkward. And i can't go to a bar alone, and i can't afford to buy drinks when I am out because long-term, I don't want to spend $10 or $12 for a drink regularly, it all adds up. I had unprotected sex with both of them a few times which i know is dangerous. I tried with condoms but I am terrible with them. Most women I have been with insist on it being pitch-black in the room so I can barely see what the hell is going on. I put them on backwards, I don't put them on correctly, etc. I plan on being celibate again for a long time now so who the hell cares. I am starting my business up again and i don't have the energy for dating or interacting with ANYONE


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## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Yes well if you look deeper into it, it is depressing, but maybe on some level it is a good thing. Remember, in a small town, women will at least give men a fighting chance to get to know them and attempt something genuine and long-lasting. In my experience in NYC, women have so many options, or they think they do because of online dating, that dating is just fighting an uphill battle. I guess if I had a nice car, a great personality, a 6-pack, spoke several languages and traveled the world I would be a catch in NYC but who the hell has done that? I am not James Bond, you know? I just think in a city Like New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, maybe London, Paris, places like that, you have to have so many AMAZING aspects to you because there is just too much competition. It all comes down to money really, and if you are in an area where there is wealth, there are more things to do like activities, and there are strict lines as far as what you have access to if you do, or don't, have money. If you live in a small town, there is often 1 or 2 local bars so it is a level playing field. The cities i mentioned, there are just so many elaborate and expensive things to do, it limits you if you do not have the money to afford those things. I am not saying women are demanding in big cities, women just have way more options of EVERYTHING. As a guy without money in a big city, you are very restricted because you are basically watching everyone do fun things from the outside. I have done all of those things but mostly alone and not often.
> 
> As far as fine dining, I have only done it a good 10 times or so when i was forced to with family many years ago... Almost never liked the food because the portions are too small and it is a very specialized type of food, nothing standard really you could get at a diner or whatever. I also don't like the whole vibe of it. The waiters being over-dressed and wearing basically tuxedos makes me feel inadequate. I personally don't tend to like or get along with people who would normally or regularly eat out at fancy restaurants. Those types tend to be elitist and dress preppy, such as wearing suits or sports jackets and dress shoes. I don't really like people like that because they are usually HIGHLY educated and not down-to-earth and they are elitist.
> 
> An update on my situation: The first woman I met I decided to end things because she was too clingy. She was completely furious at me, and I had like a 2-hour conversation explaining my side. I told her in the nicest possible way that I can't go on and gave a million reasons and she was still super-hostile. I then met another woman from a dating site who I was CRAZY ABOUT. After only a week or so, she started being critical and cut me off, which was pretty devastating. I now am completely fed up with dating. I feel my only option is online dating because I don't see any way i can go up to random women in public, even at a bar. I am too awkward. And i can't go to a bar alone, and i can't afford to buy drinks when I am out because long-term, I don't want to spend $10 or $12 for a drink regularly, it all adds up. I had unprotected sex with both of them a few times which i know is dangerous. I tried with condoms but I am terrible with them. Most women I have been with insist on it being pitch-black in the room so I can barely see what the hell is going on. I put them on backwards, I don't put them on correctly, etc. I plan on being celibate again for a long time now so who the hell cares. I am starting my business up again and i don't have the energy for dating or interacting with ANYONE


Sorry to hear that relationship (& the second person too) didn't work out. It's disappointing when you put time and effort into something that just ends in a dead-end conflict. At least you've got some clarity. I don't think a (romantic) relationship is really necessary to a person, although some kind of relationships (family, friends, etc.) probably are. Tbh, if I were single I probably wouldn't bother with dating as such, I'd rather just meet people to hang out with. Then, if something different works out that's like a cool bonus.

I agree with a lot of what you're saying about big cities. I think it's possible to meet people who are not caught up in that 'dating marketplace' malarkey but it sure as hell isn't easy. Lately I've been hearing/reading more from people who feel sucked dry by that whole game. Maybe one day a mass Tinder-fatigue will set in and people will look for different ways to meet people (or maybe not).


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> Sorry to hear that relationship (& the second person too) didn't work out. It's disappointing when you put time and effort into something that just ends in a dead-end conflict. At least you've got some clarity. I don't think a (romantic) relationship is really necessary to a person, although some kind of relationships (family, friends, etc.) probably are. Tbh, if I were single I probably wouldn't bother with dating as such, I'd rather just meet people to hang out with. Then, if something different works out that's like a cool bonus.
> 
> I agree with a lot of what you're saying about big cities. I think it's possible to meet people who are not caught up in that 'dating marketplace' malarkey but it sure as hell isn't easy. Lately I've been hearing/reading more from people who feel sucked dry by that whole game. Maybe one day a mass Tinder-fatigue will set in and people will look for different ways to meet people (or maybe not).


Thanks, yes well with the first woman, i just felt cornered because she was suffocating me and wanting to see me or talk on the phone 8 hours a day and nonstop texting. The second person i honestly don't know what i did wrong, she really didn't give me enough of a chance. Anyway I am supposed to meet a new woman from the dating site August 7th, which is the first day she has free. I will keep my fingers crossed, she is gorgeous and not sure what exactly she is looking for, but I almost would rather be surprised. Well other than my mother, I am not close with my father really, and have no contact with anyone else in my family or in-laws anymore. Most of them are phonies and backstabbers and think they are better than me or look down on me. I also have no friends for very similar reasons. So anyone i meet like on a dating site or whatever to ME becomes like life or death.

I always say that whoever you or you or you think are your closest friends or supporters, don't lie to yourself, you know? If you want to like tell yourself, "this friend is my rock" or "my family is close-knit and we all have each other's back".... I mean do you really? I don't mean you personally, just people in general. There is such a thin line between love and hate. If your best friend or family member who you swear by says something rude to you in front of other people, or criticize you or talk down to you, does that really excuse them being there for you all the time and a supporter? VERY HARD to trust ANYONE if you look deeper into things.

I always look at dating in a big city.... men unfortunately are higher-payed still than women although that is slowly starting to change thankfully... but if a woman has an opportunity to go to Rao's restaurant in NYC or Peter Luger's steakhouse with X guy she met, and then a helicopter tour and night cruise on a yaght (not sure how to spell it) on a luxury boat, or if they have the option of dating Y guy who wants to go to Applebees and go to a movie and take the train to the beach, what would you choose? It is human nature to want the luxury version of things. It doesn't make a woman bad or greedy to want that necessarily. So if you live in a small town in Idaho or Virginia or Texas where all there is is a local bar and maybe some canoe rentals, you don't have the variety and possibility of all those other things.


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## rabidfoxes

Disheveled and Lost said:


> Thanks, yes well with the first woman, i just felt cornered because she was suffocating me and wanting to see me or talk on the phone 8 hours a day and nonstop texting. The second person i honestly don't know what i did wrong, she really didn't give me enough of a chance. Anyway I am supposed to meet a new woman from the dating site August 7th, which is the first day she has free. I will keep my fingers crossed, she is gorgeous and not sure what exactly she is looking for, but I almost would rather be surprised. Well other than my mother, I am not close with my father really, and have no contact with anyone else in my family or in-laws anymore. Most of them are phonies and backstabbers and think they are better than me or look down on me. I also have no friends for very similar reasons. So anyone i meet like on a dating site or whatever to ME becomes like life or death.
> 
> I always say that whoever you or you or you think are your closest friends or supporters, don't lie to yourself, you know? If you want to like tell yourself, "this friend is my rock" or "my family is close-knit and we all have each other's back".... I mean do you really? I don't mean you personally, just people in general. There is such a thin line between love and hate. If your best friend or family member who you swear by says something rude to you in front of other people, or criticize you or talk down to you, does that really excuse them being there for you all the time and a supporter? VERY HARD to trust ANYONE if you look deeper into things.
> 
> I always look at dating in a big city.... men unfortunately are higher-payed still than women although that is slowly starting to change thankfully... but if a woman has an opportunity to go to Rao's restaurant in NYC or Peter Luger's steakhouse with X guy she met, and then a helicopter tour and night cruise on a yaght (not sure how to spell it) on a luxury boat, or if they have the option of dating Y guy who wants to go to Applebees and go to a movie and take the train to the beach, what would you choose? It is human nature to want the luxury version of things. It doesn't make a woman bad or greedy to want that necessarily. So if you live in a small town in Idaho or Virginia or Texas where all there is is a local bar and maybe some canoe rentals, you don't have the variety and possibility of all those other things.


I think that what you say about big city dating rings is true for a lot of people. But let me play the devil's advocate for a moment. A person might want finery but with money comes pressure: if a stranger is spending all this $$ on our date, what do they expect? Do I owe them something and what do I owe them? Personally, I just wouldn't go out with someone who wants to sink that sort of money into a date unless we've been in a relationship for a very long time. And I'm not a special case, there are many people who feel that way. That's why many people like to date people who are in the same income bracket (I'm not saying it's good, only that it's a thing) - they can meet on an equal footing and there isn't a power imbalance. I'm talking about people who are looking for a relationship rather than an investment. 

You're absolutely right in not cultivating relationships with relatives or other people who are backstabbers/just plain mean. It's a waste of time and resources. I used to do lots for people and it backfired on me a lot of the time. Then I had to learn that boundless generosity is not always the best thing for a relationship. Now I prefer to think in shades of grey. I know what the strengths and weaknesses of my family members/friends are, and I play to those. Of course, I also weigh up their strengths and weaknesses to work out if I want that relationship in the first place. We're all messed up in some ways, it's just about finding the people who work for the way you are. 

Fingers crossed your date goes well. She sounds like something!


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## Disheveled and Lost

rabidfoxes said:


> I think that what you say about big city dating rings is true for a lot of people. But let me play the devil's advocate for a moment. A person might want finery but with money comes pressure: if a stranger is spending all this $$ on our date, what do they expect? Do I owe them something and what do I owe them? Personally, I just wouldn't go out with someone who wants to sink that sort of money into a date unless we've been in a relationship for a very long time. And I'm not a special case, there are many people who feel that way. That's why many people like to date people who are in the same income bracket (I'm not saying it's good, only that it's a thing) - they can meet on an equal footing and there isn't a power imbalance. I'm talking about people who are looking for a relationship rather than an investment.
> 
> You're absolutely right in not cultivating relationships with relatives or other people who are backstabbers/just plain mean. It's a waste of time and resources. I used to do lots for people and it backfired on me a lot of the time. Then I had to learn that boundless generosity is not always the best thing for a relationship. Now I prefer to think in shades of grey. I know what the strengths and weaknesses of my family members/friends are, and I play to those. Of course, I also weigh up their strengths and weaknesses to work out if I want that relationship in the first place. We're all messed up in some ways, it's just about finding the people who work for the way you are.
> 
> Fingers crossed your date goes well. She sounds like something!


Well I don't disagree with you. _Staff edit_

I think in a big city like NYC, the rules about dating someone in your same income area are kind of thrown out the window. It is almost like no rules apply in rich areas like New York City (especially Midtown Manhattan), Dubai, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, London, Paris, etc. I just think for EVERYONE there are just too many options, and people who really don't have a lot of options about meeting a quality person, they THINK they have more options than they do, so everyone is disposable. On the other hand, there are a lot of women who have dated rich guys in the past and are looking to find a decent guy. But even in those situations, if a guy doesn't have a lot going for them, the guy has to be super-sharp in how he communicates and very wary of saying the right thing or doing the right thing, if they live in a rich area, because there are so many other guys who have better qualities. (Not better but they just bring more to the table somehow, whether it is looks, education, well-traveled, informed politically, etc.)

It isn't really about male/female but there are dynamics and if you live in a small town where there is only a local bar or 2 and a few fast-food restaurants, what you are saying applies way more than if you live in a town with so much entertainment options, not that those things really make you happy at the end of the day.

Well other than my parents, i have no contact with any of my relatives or in-laws (including my sister) for close to 10 years. I have had so many bad experiences with in-laws and family that I can't be in the business of figuring out what strengths or weaknesses anyone has or filtering out who is a backstabber and who isn't. I just assume everyone is basically and I would be mostly right. And it is based on experience. Even my parents, I have gotten into long drawn-out arguments with them, especially my father who is fed up with me for most of my life but who denies it and pretends like everything is wonderful but then snaps at me constantly. The bottom line is that there is a fine line between love and hate with any friend or relative. You don't know what anyone really thinks or is feeling deep down. And friends become enemies in a split second, that is how long it takes. The only thing I can do logically, aside from my mother, is keep everyone at a distance, because anything too heavy or involved with anyone ends up backfiring.

The last woman I was with briefly, she told me she was taking anti-depressants, so i told her i was taking a tiny bit of anti-anxiety medication, and she was acting like i was a lunatic who just got released from an insane asylum. And she was an alcoholic and overweight and found a million things to criticize me about. And I told her I basically hate the residents of my area, the yuppies. Anyway I just showed her glimpses of my real self and all she did was insult me and disagree with me then ditch me. I guess I just have to be agreeable and act like i love everyone because no one can handle any truth about anything anymore in this PC World.

The date is about a week or so away but have not even messaged her in almost a week. I doubt it will even happen but thanks, I am not being negative really, I just have no faith in anything working out with anyone, based on my track record and also me having no faith in people. If it works out and I don't have to travel far and spend a lot of money and time and energy, that is all I can handle right now


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## Memories of Silence

Reminder: This thread was created to be used as a replacement for a Discord server or chatroom. Please use this in the same way that you would use a chatroom or server. Short posts are welcome, so it’s okay to start with “Hi” if you want to. So far, no one seems to be using the thread as it was intended, but are still asking about Discord servers or requesting a chatroom. This is the new “chatroom.”


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## Alleviate Suffering

How is everybody doing? I am feeling lonely this Sunday evening.


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## Memories of Silence

Hi.  I have been well, thanks for asking.


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## 8888

I haven't been great honestly. I'm working on improving my situation though so hopefully I will feel better soon.


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## Memories of Silence

8888 said:


> I haven't been great honestly. I'm working on improving my situation though so hopefully I will feel better soon.


I hope you’ll feel better soon and that everything goes well for you.


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## 8888

Memories of Silence said:


> I hope you’ll feel better soon and that everything goes well for you.


Thank you!


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## SilentLyric

Alleviate Suffering said:


> How is everybody doing? I am feeling lonely this Sunday evening.


taking it one day at a time and doing my best.


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## Alleviate Suffering

SilentLyric said:


> taking it one day at a time and doing my best.


That's all you can do my friend. Happy new year and take care of yourself.


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## BAH

00F


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## iAmCodeMonkey

FOO


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