# I want a girl with SA =(



## JustinT2 (Nov 16, 2006)

Any couples out there who both have SA? How is it going for you guys? I am tired of having a gf who dosnt understand me, and always having extreme anxiety around her... I should be able to enjoy my time with my gf not dread it. If there are any SA couples out there, how did you meet?
I think I am pretty much single again haven't talked to my gf for a week. I think it would be a good thing to have a gf who also has SA, I have always been attracted to shy girls anyway, and being able to relate with eachother on that would be a major plus for me.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I've never had a girlfriend, but I think I'd like to have one that is at least shy. A girlfriend with SA sounds even better. I'd imagine that it's pretty hard for two people with SA to even meet, though. 

It sounds like a nightmare to have a partner that is really outgoing and always wants to be out at parties etc. On the other hand, maybe that's just what I need; someone that would make me do things and get used to it.

Anyway, yeah, I'm interested to hear about any SA couples and how things work


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## meggiehamilton (Nov 12, 2003)

I met my boyfriend on here three years ago. We met in real life two years ago. He is saving up money to come and move here.


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## Optimistic (Nov 4, 2006)

I'd hammer away at connecting with someone here at SAS and at related anxiety/shyness sites. I wouldn't spin my wheels trying to connect with just one individual to the exclusion of others for a lengthy time. I'd concentrate especially hard on girls within your general area but not to the exclusion of long-distance possibilities.

Connections have been made here, and I'll mention a few that I know about since they're publicly known on this forum: Seb/Meggiehamilton, Odun/Laura, Jaygr/Anthology, and Becky/Thunder, to name a few. You'll have to ask them or wait for their replies to this thread if you want further information.

In my 20s, I definitely would have used this site to expand dating/relationship possibilities. I would know the type I'd especially concentrate on, too. Thankfully, things worked out in the "real world," where I couldn't have asked for anything better than what I have.

Good luck to you, Justin. I sincerely hope you find a good match. :yes


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

Hmm, I dunno
Well at least she would understand that I have no experience to begin with, cause bringing that up to a 'normal' girl is carrement a big nono! :hide 

But on the other hand life would be a lot easier if someone outbalanced myself on the social side of life and has the skills to keep in touch with friends.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Optimistic said:


> I'd hammer away at connecting with someone here at SAS and at related anxiety/shyness sites. I wouldn't spin my wheels trying to connect with just one individual to the exclusion of others for a lengthy time. I'd concentrate especially hard on girls within your general area but not to the exclusion of long-distance possibilities.
> 
> Connections have been made here, and I'll mention a few that I know about since they're publicly known on this forum: Seb/Meggiehamilton, Odun/Laura, Jaygr/Anthology, and Becky/Thunder, to name a few. You'll have to ask them or wait for their replies to this thread if you want further information.
> 
> ...


The number of successes pails in comparison to the number of members here. If you expect to meet someone on here, I think you're going to be in for disappointment, IMHO. Its nice if it happens, but I wouldn't pin any hopes on it happening.

Hell, even when I post and ask if any females want to talk to me at all, I almost never get replies, and there aren't many people in my area here anyways who want to talk to me.

I suppose its a moot point anyways because I struggle at conversation so much I cannot never form any real connections with anyone from here.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

There's a special dating section on this board (not the forum) with profiles and everything, but I forgot how I got there the other day. :con


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/con ... /index.php


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Interesting.

But...

:afr 

I'm hopeless. :hide


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I'm settling for friends first.

JustinT2 - sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope that you are able to talk to her. You shouldn't be nervous. If she is in a relationship with you, she should be able to handle your being shy :yes. That's the ideal, though.


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## Cherry (May 30, 2006)

I would want someone that's the opposite of me, someone that compliments me, and that can put themselves out there when I can't, I would want someone that can push me away from SA and can see pass the SA, knowing that SA isn't the real me and can bring out my positive qualities, the real me. Maybe I am aiming to high but I wouldn't limit myself to one specific commonality.We need a Becky-message here


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

The problem I have, is that I am in an isolated town where chances are slim to nil that I could find anybody online who shares some of what I go through.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



meggiehamilton said:


> I met my boyfriend on here three years ago. We met in real life two years ago. He is saving up money to come and move here.


:ditto Cept he's not saving money to move here, but he'll be moving here soon! :yay It's nice to have someone who really understands and knows what it's like to have SA.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Cherry said:


> Maybe I am aiming to high but I wouldn't limit myself to one specific commonality.We need a Becky-message here


I wouldn't limit myself either. There's a lot of great people out there who don't have SA and _are_ understanding of it. And when you do find someone and fall in love it isn't going to matter if they don't suffer from it and you do. If they really love you, they're going to be understanding and accepting.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

My gf met me off this board over a year ago and we've been together ever since.


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## quiet_one (Jun 14, 2006)

The last guy I dated was an introvert and probably had SA; I always felt like I could be myself around him completely, which was really nice. The only reason we stopped dating was because our religious beliefs were too different. But if it hadn't been for that, I definently would have kept going out with him. So yeah, I think it's good if you can find someone who's also shy or who at least understands how you are and doesn't try to change you.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



ColdFury said:


> Optimistic said:
> 
> 
> > I'd hammer away at connecting with someone here at SAS and at related anxiety/shyness sites. I wouldn't spin my wheels trying to connect with just one individual to the exclusion of others for a lengthy time. I'd concentrate especially hard on girls within your general area but not to the exclusion of long-distance possibilities.
> ...


Also most people on here, it seems, live quite a long way from each other.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Zephyr said:


> Also most people on here, it seems, live quite a long way from each other.


and that can have a negative impact on the relationship


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

I also had this fantasy of meeting another girl with SA (possibly through this board), someone who would understand explictly what I was going through, and I would be able to trust immediatatly. But I've now come to the conclusion that the chances of this happening is almost nil, especially since i live in Australia and most people here are North American.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

lonesomeboy said:


> I also had this fantasy of meeting another girl with SA (possibly through this board), someone who would understand explictly what I was going through, and I would be able to trust immediatatly. But I've now come to the conclusion that the chances of this happening is almost nil, especially since i live in Australia and most people here are North American.


Theres lots of ppl here from Australia on this board.


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

im meeting a girl with SA tomorrow  should be good


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Id like a girlfriend with SA too. I don't think i could handle someone outgoing...

I want someone who can understands and respect me. 
Someone with SA/depression/agoraphobia would understand why i do and don't do certain things. An outgoing person might understand, eventualy, but not before giving me a lot of trouble and ask too many questions about why i am the way i am. 

I like shy people better, anyway.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

speaking as someone who has had g/fs who didnt have SA, it can be very frustrating.

their outgoing personality didn't help push me away from SA, it usually just put me in situations that provoked it. I can be outgoing myself, as im sure many other SA'ers can be, but i need time to feel comfortable with the person first... and in order to get comfortable with them we have to be going the same "speed", if you will.

A girl with SA would be ideal for me. SA can have such a big impact on one's life and so few people actually uderstand it and take it seriously. To not have to hide SA and to have someone who understands it would be so awesome. Having that in common would be a huge plus.

I allways, allways notice the girls who seem shy and introverted. I find them much more attractive than seemingly loud, extroverted girls.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

:int I figured SA or shy guys would seek regular non-SA girls. Usually loud-mouthed extroverts. I'm glad to see there is still hope for the shy chics. :lol


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## sctork (Oct 23, 2006)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*

i met my bf on this site about 18 months ago in chat. c0 lives in NJ and I live in Nebraska, so its def. not ideal. we talked in chat a lot and on yahoo and on the phone (when my sa would let me :b ). we met in person 6 months ago and everything went perfectly. so we've gotten together a couple more times since then and now he's making plans to move here. :boogie

i dated a loud extroverted type for 5 years before this. he stressed me out lol! he just always wanted to go out and do stuff and made me feel guilty for wanting to stay home or getting anxious when we were out. it was just not ideal for me. having someone with SA is just so much more comforting. i don't have to try to explain all the stupid little anxities i have all the time.

of course, c0 is just a better person and bf all around than my ex so that has a lot to do with it LOL but it was easier for me to open up to him in the beginning because we both have SA and shared so many of the same experiences.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



sctork said:


> i met my bf on this site about 18 months ago in chat. c0 lives in NJ and I live in Nebraska, so its def. not ideal. we talked in chat a lot and on yahoo and on the phone (when my sa would let me :b ). we met in person 6 months ago and everything went perfectly. so we've gotten together a couple more times since then and now he's making plans to move here. :boogie


Must say its quite depressing to read that other people with SA can just take it upstairs to the chatroom and stuff like that, it makes me feel like one of the worst SA cases in the world. I mean what is the difference between things like msn and making small talk in real life!? :stu

It would be interesting to know if the people who met each other on this board were in any previous relationship(s). I think that those who can not do it in real life for whatever the reason might be (lack of social skills/natural beauty, commitment anxiety ...) won't be able to find someone on this board either.


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## ladybugs (Jun 14, 2006)

...


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



justlistening said:


> sctork said:
> 
> 
> > i met my bf on this site about 18 months ago in chat. c0 lives in NJ and I live in Nebraska, so its def. not ideal. we talked in chat a lot and on yahoo and on the phone (when my sa would let me :b ). we met in person 6 months ago and everything went perfectly. so we've gotten together a couple more times since then and now he's making plans to move here. :boogie
> ...


I cannot do it in real life but I could through this board and msn.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

Noca said:


> I cannot do it in real life but I could through this board and msn.


Me too. All the girls who had any interest in me I met online.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Noca said:


> I cannot do it in real life but I could through this board and msn.


the build up towards the day of actually meeting that interesting girl would literally kill me and I would blow it off.


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



justlistening said:


> the build up towards the day of actually meeting that interesting girl would literally kill me and I would blow it off.


oh yea, i was loosing it about and hour before i left yesterday, I was chain smoking and pacing, i didn't really stop smoking throughout the date, i slowed down a bit, but you know lol. But i wasn't real nervous during the date, i made her laugh alot, which im good at if im relaxed.

We are meeting again, mabye next week if we can. :stu if not somtime soon for sure.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Njodis said:


> Interesting.
> 
> But...
> 
> ...


I actually made an account on that SAS connections thing. I'll probably end up regretting it. :um


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## H.awkeyeM.att (Aug 3, 2005)

A girl with SA? I have thought about this and it sounds perfect. Not sure how well it would work in real life, but having a relationship with someone I can relate to so well seems great.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



justlistening said:


> sctork said:
> 
> 
> > i met my bf on this site about 18 months ago in chat. c0 lives in NJ and I live in Nebraska, so its def. not ideal. we talked in chat a lot and on yahoo and on the phone (when my sa would let me :b ). we met in person 6 months ago and everything went perfectly. so we've gotten together a couple more times since then and now he's making plans to move here. :boogie
> ...


I don't know. I also find it just as hard to talk in chat rooms or IM programs as I do in real life. I don't understand how everyone else does it so easily.


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## sctork (Oct 23, 2006)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Zephyr said:


> justlistening said:
> 
> 
> > sctork said:
> ...


I don't talk much in chat, either. i prefer one on one conversations. and i didn't just 'take it up to chat' I was in there every day for two months talking to ppl off and on before I met c0.


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



sctork said:


> iwe met in person 6 months ago and everything went perfectly. so we've gotten together a couple more times since then and now he's making plans to move here. :boogie


Awwww, that's great!


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Becky said:


> Cherry said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe I am aiming to high but I wouldn't limit myself to one specific commonality.We need a Becky-message here
> ...


 :agree


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## skeeter31 (Dec 9, 2006)

I would love to meet a girl with SA. It seems like it would be so much easier to go out with a girl that was like me. I mean, I'm not going to be the kind of guy that wants to go to clubs or parties or even small gatherings, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with a girl that constantly engaged in these activities. I don't want to be dragged along to a place that I'm not comfortable, and if I was dating a girl with SA, there wouldn't be any of these situations. 

I too always find shy, quiet girls to be the most attractive girls. In my college courses I can't stand the girls that are constantly talking loudly and drawing attention to themselves, I mush perfer the girls that are sitting quietly at the back of the room like me.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Yes, it does make a difference when your date has SA and knows that you have it also. At least it did for me. It took a lot of the stress out.


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## Jaygr (Nov 8, 2003)

As was mentioned earlier by Optimistic, I met my gf on here. Fortunately we lived only 15 minutes away so we didn't have to deal with the long distance thing. We've known each other for 4 and a half years and have been dating for 3 and a half years. 

I think that while there are definite pros and cons (well not cons so much as things you have to be mindful of), it is ultimately better, overall, to be with someone who also has SA. For most of us, SA is the central issue in our lives, and who better then to totally understand that issue then the one we are most intimate with? That understanding is amazing. Your SO is there to lean on and to vent to and they totally understand what you are going through. But also keep in mind that sharing SA does not mean success all the time, you still have to be compatible like in any other relationship. I also think that you both have to be working together to get better. While understanding each other is great, wallowing in your own pity alone together is not healthy. You can really feed off each other to get better.

It can really be great having a SO that shares SA. If you take full advantage of it, you can really help each other get better. Good luck to you.


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## red_reagel (Nov 21, 2006)

oh really? i want a boy who'd just accept me even if i am quiet.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I'd settle for a girl period.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



ColdFury said:


> I'd settle for a girl period.


Heh, I'd settle for a realistic mannequinn.
I shall start widdling my wood carving of James Spader, because that's my only chance to have a boyfriend. By then, I'll have gone so insane that I'll think it's an actual person. We'll go for walks through the park, hand-in-hand, and eat candle lit dinners. I'll probably light him on fire with the candle flame, and force my family to attend a really awkward funeral.


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

*Re: re: I want a girl with SA =(*



Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > I'd settle for a girl period.
> ...


 :lol


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Hah, my comments kill so many threads!


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## richie (Jan 24, 2006)

Scrub Ducky said:


> I allways, allways notice the girls who seem shy and introverted. I find them much more attractive than seemingly loud, extroverted girls.


 :agree Any time I meet a girl who is obviously shy and introverted, I am pretty much IMMEDIATELY attracted to them. I think that is very sexy.


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## richie (Jan 24, 2006)

Scrub Ducky said:


> I allways, allways notice the girls who seem shy and introverted. I find them much more attractive than seemingly loud, extroverted girls.


 :agree Any time I meet a girl who is obviously shy and introverted, I am pretty much IMMEDIATELY attracted to them. I think that is very sexy.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

richie said:


> Scrub Ducky said:
> 
> 
> > I allways, allways notice the girls who seem shy and introverted. I find them much more attractive than seemingly loud, extroverted girls.
> ...


 :agree with both of you but I must say that introverted, SA type girls can be harder to deal with because communication is weak. theyre not open with their feelings as much as an outgoing girl is. so theres allways alot of doubt. doubt no good. it creates other problems too which i cant think of atm.

i still prefer the introverted ones but its just such a pain to crack that shell they put around themselves.

but im just going off the few experiences ive had with the shyer girls. but they were difficult people, shy or not. so maybe it was just them...


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