# What's it like to live in a dorm?



## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

Did it reduce or increase your social anxiety? Do you regret choosing to live in a dorm or are you glad that you made the move? What insights did you acquire as a dorm resident that you would not have obtained commuting to school? Did your views about people change? Did you feel less judged? Did it empower you in some way? Or do the exact opposite?


----------



## Lokis Whispers (Feb 24, 2012)

Dorm life was the single reason of my dropping out of university.

I was really self-conscious around my dormmates, I couldn't bring myself to leave the room when my mates were out there, I had to wait until they left, and by then class was usually over so I missed many classes.

Early on, one of my mates stole my hair dryer, but I was too anxious to say anything so then I was not only self-conscious around them, but also distrustful of them.

The water there was also extremely hard, and my skin started to peel and turn red, which made me feel even worse about my looks.

I completely regret staying in a dorm. Dorm life is too socially oriented - I might have made it through college the first time if I had my home to go to after classes to calm me down.


----------



## Greenleaf62 (Aug 1, 2013)

I had a roommate for my first two years of college, and from junior year until now I've been living in a single. This single room has been great because I get to have my own space and privacy. Living with a roommate wasn't too bad, and it did get me some friends freshman year. I also liked the feeling of independence since I got to live away from home for the first time (even though home for me is only 30 minutes away). But what I hate about living in a dorm is living near people who like to play their music loud. I _hate_ loud music and even if it happens after quiet hours, when they're supposed to be quiet, I get too anxious to go knock on the person's door and ask them to turn it down. Sometimes there will also be groups of people who will be loud out in the hallway or in the common area and I just have to deal with it. Dorm life has it's pros and cons.


----------



## Pompeii (Aug 25, 2013)

For me, my social anxiety went through the roof when I lived on campus. I was essentially unable to relax the entire time because I felt like I had to be 'on', from communal bathrooms to communal eating. I did have far more social opportunities than I had living off campus, but I didn't make the most of the them because I was in a constant state of anxiety.


----------



## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

I've been in a few different dorms and were not bad experiences for the most part. One morning students were screaming.


----------



## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

Lokis Whispers said:


> The water there was also extremely hard, and my skin started to peel and turn red, which made me feel even worse about my looks.


Wow - only certain acne products do that to my skin 



Lokis Whispers said:


> I completely regret staying in a dorm. Dorm life is too socially oriented - I might have made it through college the first time if I had my home to go to after classes to calm me down.


Yes it is nice to be able to come home to quietness and solitude when you've had a stressful, long day. With a dorm if it gets too loud the only place you can go to is the library, which isn't always quiet (I can hear people's conversations and sometimes have to block out the sound with earphones and music).



Lokis Whispers said:


> Early on, one of my mates stole my hair dryer,


I've always wondered if you're more susceptible of having expensive technology (macbooks, smartphones, game consoles) stolen since everyone lives so close together. Good thing it was only a hair dryer! My university has an honor code that tries to keep people from lying, cheating or stealing and tries to increase trust between people.



Pompeii said:


> For me, my social anxiety went through the roof when I lived on campus. I was essentially unable to relax the entire time because I felt like I had to be 'on', from communal bathrooms to communal eating. I did have far more social opportunities than I had living off campus, but I didn't make the most of the them because I was in a constant state of anxiety.


Did you ever get any illnesses from being stressed all day all the time? I'd imagine that fight or flight mode would wreck havoc on your immune system.



Greenleaf62 said:


> But what I hate about living in a dorm is living near people who like to play their music loud. I _hate_ loud music and even if it happens after quiet hours, when they're supposed to be quiet, I get too anxious to go knock on the person's door and ask them to turn it down.


Bleh! Loud music and loud noises are the worst! Its too much for my senses and its difficult to distress with it on.


----------



## Parsley (Jan 2, 2014)

Was alright, nice to be alone, at least for me, but it felt messy and unproductive, you don't really feel independent, though, for all intents and purposes you still live with your parents (unless you don't but most do). When you rent a flat, you feel independent.


----------



## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

Parsley said:


> Was alright, nice to be alone, at least for me, but it felt messy and unproductive, you don't really feel independent, though, for all intents and purposes you still live with your parents (unless you don't but most do). *When you rent a flat, you feel independent.*


True, since YOU are the one who pays the bills and the rent. As long as I live with my parents, school related expenses will be taken care of. Then after that I'm on my own!


----------



## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

Pompeii said:


> For me, my social anxiety went through the roof when I lived on campus. I was essentially unable to relax the entire time because I felt like I had to be 'on', from communal bathrooms to communal eating. I did have far more social opportunities than I had living off campus, but I didn't make the most of the them because I was in a constant state of anxiety.


This absolutely.

Not to mention, if you have a fear of being perceived as a loner there's no real escape from people. I feel constantly exposed for my hermit lifestyle, my only retreat is my room

Makes me want to chop suey sometimes.


----------



## adam4991 (Mar 27, 2010)

euphoria04 said:


> This absolutely.
> 
> Not to mention, if you have a fear of being perceived as a loner there's no real escape from people. I feel constantly exposed for my hermit lifestyle, my only retreat is my room
> 
> Makes me want to chop suey sometimes.


This is exactly how I feel most of the time. My room is my retreat, but then I feel self-conscious about people thinking I'm weird since I prefer to stay in my room and watch netflix instead of socializing.


----------



## merebear (Jan 5, 2014)

I am lucky enough for my roommate in my dorm to be a very nice, also shy girl I always got along with throughout high school. I am very comfortable sharing the room with her rather than with a stranger that I had never met before.

However, my SAD has really made my experience living in the dorm a living nightmare. So many people on my floor have tried to reach out to me to be friends and hang out and I do try so hard. The problem is that they all like to hang out in groups of over ten, which I can't handle. I generally avoid everyone now to the best of my ability and try to spend as little time in the lounge area as possible.

I do try to go to a few of the dorm's many social events on occasion, such as movie nights and even a girls night and whatnot but my anxiety still inhibits me from socializing at all.

I do not want to scare anyone away from living in a dorm though just because of my current experience. I do just happen to live on the floor with some of the most obnoxious people who are constantly causing problems (and not to mention the ever-constant police visits) so I really got unlucky this year.

Despite all this, I am so glad I chose to live on campus this year (even though I am getting a townhouse with my close friends next year). I have met a lot of new people and experienced more of the college life that I would not have been able to otherwise. And despite my anxieties keeping me from hanging out with people when I'm invited, I have enjoyed spending time with some of them in much smaller groups of maybe three to five.

Everyone has a different experience living in dorms so I would definitely recommend it!


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

> Did it reduce or increase your social anxiety? Do you regret choosing to live in a dorm or are you glad that you made the move? What insights did you acquire as a dorm resident that you would not have obtained commuting to school? Did your views about people change? Did you feel less judged? Did it empower you in some way? Or do the exact opposite?


1) I don't think it had too much of an effect. I was a hermit before I lived in the dorms, and living in the dorms didn't change that. People don't go out of their way to talk to you if you shut your door all the time.

2) I had no choice in the matter.

3) It made me realize that I never want to live with another human being ever again. I honestly think that I'd rather eat ramen everyday for the rest of my life and live in a hell-hole than live with a roommate.

4) Living in a dorm has made me realize how immature some people are. I wasn't aware that 18+ year olds still find it appropriate to run through hallways screaming like 5 years olds, but alas.

5) Do I feel less judged? Nah. My roommate thought that I was a total loser and frequently implied that I was childish and incompetent. I knew these things about myself already, but I didn't exactly need to hear it from a mentally unstable 18 year old girl who made pitiful attempts to masquerade as an adult.

6) Empower me? Depends upon what you mean by that. I guess I now know that I'm not so irresponsible that I'll starve or go around in dirty clothing if I don't have my parents around to take care of me, if that's what you mean.

Anyways, living with a roommate was hell on Earth. I hated every moment of it, and I've never felt such anger towards another person as I did my roommate. We didn't get along at all, and my roommate purposefully went out of her way to be a complete twit to me.

Living in a single is pretty nice, though. Now I sorta enjoy life again.


----------



## VinBZ (Nov 2, 2013)

It's great, if you can build the courage to be friendly with people. Everyone does things together so it really doesn't take long to integrate into the group, but it can be hard to take the step. My first year was pretty miserable because I hardly talked to anyone, but this time around I've done much better, and I'm enjoying actually being part of the community.


----------



## VinBZ (Nov 2, 2013)

Raeden said:


> 4) Living in a dorm has made me realize how immature some people are. I wasn't aware that 18+ year olds still find it appropriate to run through hallways screaming like 5 years olds, but alas.


+1 to this, there's a group of people here that do that on a regular basis. Thankfully I'm not the only one who is annoyed by it though, as several other people I know have commented on it.


----------



## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

I lived in a dorm for an year, despite the fact that I could as well commute to college, my house was in the same city.

So why did I chose the dorm instead of my room ? Well i guess loneliness was the main reason, plus I thought it would help with my sa to be among people all the time. So I had 5 room mates.

It proved to be one of the coolest year, I had almost no anxiety towards them, and we played computer games in teams, went to play football outside and many other things. Also I was 5 min away from my gf so we visited each other every day.

The reason my parents accepted to go pay for a dorm instead of staying home was cause they thought I wouldn't be a drop out no more, but that didn't worked out...I could barely go to class and stand in the crowd, not to mention that from a grade a student with scholarship in the first year, in the second year I couldn't pass my exams at all, depression can change a person 180 degrees.


----------



## goosebump (Jan 12, 2014)

I found it to exacerbate my social anxiety. I've had a roommate from high school and she also has SA. I would sit in my room while other students from the same suite would run around joking and laughing with each other. And since our room was on the top floor and the elevator rarely worked, I had to walk up the stairs, always having to pass by this group of people hanging out in the lounge near by the stairs area. I felt awkward and weird every time passing by them.

I regretted not joining and interacting with other suitemates sooner and more regularly. Toward the middle of the school year, I figured it's too late and awkward now to join groups that were already established and became bffs with each other. 

If you merely don't like to interact with other people, rather than feeling anxious about doing so, I don't recommend living at the dorm because it will be very loud. People can party and talk loudly even at 2 AM in the morning. If you seek to make friends, dorm would not be too bad an experience, providing you actually come out and be involved with your dorm mates at the beginning. I wish I had done so.

Best luck making the decision


----------



## Carded1940 (Jan 11, 2014)

Hello everyone, I don't know about your experience and I do respect your comments but for me living at dorm is one of the best experiences in my school days…


----------



## reese27 (Aug 15, 2013)

I didn't like it but I managed to get through it....Extroverts tend to thrive but it can be a lonely place for introverts. 

I had to challenge myself to be engage with others. I did not like having a roommate because we were complete opposite in personality. She was active and enjoyed having company.


----------



## SadnessAndDespair (Feb 16, 2016)

I'm in a dorm for the second time, mved in here only a fews days ago. I think dorms are truly hell for introverts, partly because they show you first hand how infeior your social skills are.


----------

