# Boyfriend has not slept at home for 3 days straight



## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I've been living with my bf for 3 years. I have finals this week (one tomorrow!) and my boyfriend has been staying out literally all night every night. He came home at 7 to get something for work for literally 3 seconds. He must have ran from the door because when I opened it to try and talk to him he was gone. I know he was with another woman the first night cuz of pics on facebook. I cant focus and am thinking of picking him up from his work just so he HAS to talk to me. He pays all the bills I just go to school. I cant believe he did this on finals week!!


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

destroyX said:


> I've been living with my bf for 3 years. I have finals this week (one tomorrow!) and my boyfriend has been staying out literally all night every night. He came home at 7 to get something for work for literally 3 seconds. He must have ran from the door because when I opened it to try and talk to him he was gone. I know he was with another woman the first night cuz of pics on facebook. I cant focus and am thinking of picking him up from his work just so he HAS to talk to me. He pays all the bills I just go to school. I cant believe he did this on finals week!!


This is a serious situation. I don't even know what to say. I think you need to care less for him now (to let him need you more). Once he realized you are out of his reach and he can't easily get something he needs from you, he should reconsider this attitude. But if he is the type of a guy that needs many women then I am not even sure it is possible to maintain a healthy relationship with him. I am sorry to sound pessimistic. Hug you warmly to cheer you up. You need support now.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I don't even have friends or ANYONE to talk with about it. I feel crushed and I can't focus on my work. When he came home sunday night at 2 am he smelled like perfume and I asked him if he's going to make this choice to please wait until next Saturday after my finals. Monday night and last night he's gone all night- exactly what I asked him to NOT do. I think he is avoiding me until I can't take it anymore and move out. I feel he is avoiding me. I am in so much heartache because it's been 3 years he knows everything about me. I don't understand why he would throw it away.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I want to leave school to talk to him at 3 but I have so much to study. I don't know I just want things to go back to normal. I don't think picking him up at his work (forcing him to talk to me) will make me feel any better though. I know I should stay here at school and just deal with sleeping alone AGAIN but I'm so emotional I cant FOCUS


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

hey, hope you're ok. good luck with finals.

could you move in with family? you don't have to move out straight away. just my opinion, but try to stay away from him? make him sleep on the couch. can't let him get away with doing this kind of ****.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

destroyX said:


> I don't even have friends or ANYONE to talk with about it. I feel crushed and I can't focus on my work. When he came home sunday night at 2 am he smelled like perfume and I asked him if he's going to make this choice to please wait until next Saturday after my finals. Monday night and last night he's gone all night- exactly what I asked him to NOT do. I think he is avoiding me until I can't take it anymore and move out. I feel he is avoiding me. I am in so much heartache because it's been 3 years he knows everything about me. I don't understand why he would throw it away.


Sounds like a really crappy situation to be in. It is mean to do something like that.

BUT: You are under a lot of strain right now with the finals. I know I was a bit exhausting to be around at that time. Could it be that he just avoids seeing you to keep the peace? And that his pics on FB do not mean much? Maybe he is just out blowing off steam.

Either way.... get through the finals and then think about him.

Hope this helps.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

Yes^^I'm staying at school everyday from 9am to 10 pm to study until my last final which is next Wednesday. He probably is staying at her house in part to avoid having to face me. I didn't pick him up, I stayed at school and I'm glad. I want to make it work between us, but now I don't even think its worth it. He's basically living with this other woman now because his work clothes were gone this morning. 

W/e she has 3 kids so hope he's having fun with that mess.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Good for you! Keep focused!


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

destroyX said:


> W/e she has 3 kids so hope he's having fun with that mess.


:lol Jokes on him :lol 
Just concentrate on your studies and deal with all this later. It will probably play out the same either way...dealing with it now or later. Your future is much more important than some cheating b/f who doesn't have the balls to be honest with his g/f. Surely those balls now belong to his new g/f. :clap


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

Yea, I messed up really bad and now my gpa is bad like below 2.0 I graduate in spring 2016 hopefully. He helped me get through the death of my father when I first got with him and has helped me grow up a lot. I'm actually shocked that hes acting out this way. It just sucks because he's my only friend and I mean I'm just so used to my lifestyle. I really wish this were just a bad dream.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

destroyX said:


> Yea, I messed up really bad and now my gpa is bad like below 2.0 I graduate in spring 2016 hopefully. He helped me get through the death of my father when I first got with him and has helped me grow up a lot. I'm actually shocked that hes acting out this way. It just sucks because he's my only friend and I mean I'm just so used to my lifestyle. I really wish this were just a bad dream.


Sorry to hear that. Luckily you're living in one of the best places in the world to meet people, so there will be plenty of opportunities to make friends.

That being said, I know how hard it is when you feel alone and you just need to scream and tell someone about what's going on. To just let it all out. It's really tough when you don't have any real-life outlet.

But if he's taking advantage of you and hanging with other girls then it's just not worth it for you. The situation is obviously negatively affecting your life and you might just have to cut him loose if he keeps things up and doesn't communicate with you properly. **** him. You have more important stuff going on, like school.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I am catching up in my major, like I have to take hard summer chem classes with labs and won't even have time for a boyfriend anyway. I just really thought we could make it. Its hard feeling so committed to him, but that's life I guess.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Did you try calling him, and how do you know he's actually staying with that girl?

I know you're under a lot of stress right now and that's only going to make this harder, but you should really talk to him to see what this is about.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Did you try calling him, and how do you know he's actually staying with that girl?
> .


She says he spends the nights at some other place, he picked up his clothes and disappeared while the pictures of him with that girl appeared on FB.

OP, this situation is really frustrating. I know what you feel like. :hug


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

eveningbat said:


> She says he spends the nights at some other place, he picked up his clothes and disappeared while the pictures of him with that girl appeared on FB.
> 
> OP, this situation is really frustrating. I know what you feel like. :hug


I'd need more information like: was he with anyone else as well at that time when the photos were taken? Where was he? They've been together 3 years and based on what OP has said he doesn't sound like the kind of person who would just senselesly cheat in plain site without at least trying to cover it up.

But there's so little info to go off here like - could he be a sociopath? Is he having some kind of sudden break down? is OP drawing incorrect conclusions based on assumptions + stress? Is he just trying to get out of her way because she's busy with finals and doesn't want to distract her? Is he passively aggresively acting out because OP isn't giving him enough attention (has he done that before)? Did something happen during this time that upset him but OP hasn't thought about it and due to lack of communication he got the wrong idea, got annoyed/upset and left? Has he tried to call OP, has OP tried to call him? Have they been having problems in general OP hasn't mentioned/realised about? Does she know for a fact that's where he's been staying? Is this his way of forcing her to break up with him? And there are some other possibilities too.

So the only advice I can give OP is to focus on her studies and finish her finals and then get in contact with him so they can talk.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I have finals all the way until Wednesday night. Every night I come home at like 10 and he's not there and I then I cant stop crying. His cell phone isn't on and he hasn't called this whole time. I think he is avoiding the confrontation and hoping I will just move out. I'm so hurt right now like how can he go so long (basically a week) without contacting me and we freaking live together.


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## zraktor (Jan 27, 2013)

Hmm I would like to get his side of the story.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

zraktor said:


> Hmm I would like to get his side of the story.


So would I. I'm completely in the dark because he wont even contact me. I would never just leave like this without saying anything at all.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

It doesn't sound very good to me. You don't do that when you're in a relationship with someone. You have to absolutely try and focus as hard as you can on your exams, because in the long run the outcome of that is a lot more important than what this guy is doing.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

Should I just move out? My next exam is Monday, but I don't want to have to tell my family whats going on. They don't even want me to come back home. I hate this. I don't want to be anywhere right now! If the library had a shower and a bed I would just sleep here.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

zraktor said:


> Hmm I would like to get his side of the story.


His side is irrelevant. There's absolutely nothing that could justify disrespectful behavior even if he feels justified.

I worked through my wife's infidelity, but the marriage didn't ultimately last.

I'm sorry your bf has shown you his true colors at the worst possible time. Take good care.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Always during finals . . .

I swear, some of the worst things to occur in my life happened during finals week. It's like everyone gets together and plots to ruin everyone else during finals.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Yes, the finals gods are cruel. I make the necessary sacrifices, such as burning a textbook so I'll have to buy another, but nothing seems to weaken their resolve to ruin students during finals. 

What dance do the finals gods require? A lamb? Must I sacrifice a lamb? If I had a bra, I'd surely burn it.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

You're right, these are his true colors. I don't think I will ever let myself be vulnerable with anyone again. His family knows because his sister texted me asking if he came home yet. It's hard enough having SA now I'm completely embarrassed. I don't think I can even face his family again if I saw them.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> hey, hope you're ok. good luck with finals.
> 
> could you move in with family? you don't have to move out straight away. just my opinion, *but try to stay away from him? make him sleep on the couch*. can't let him get away with doing this kind of ****.


He can't sleep on the couch when he pays all the bills....

this is a catch 22...

might have to move back home...


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

destroyX said:


> You're right, these are his true colors. I don't think I will ever let myself be vulnerable with anyone again. His family knows because his sister texted me asking if he came home yet. It's hard enough having SA now I'm completely embarrassed. I don't think I can even face his family again if I saw them.


You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I would guess that his family is somewhat horrified at what he is doing. I know I would be. Maybe she texted you because they are in touch with him and they told him to go home and get his act together! That is what I would say to my brother.

But at this stage it might be better if he does not show up. That would lead to a long discussion between you two and gods know what that would do to your frame of mind right in the middle of the finals. It is much better to stick it out now with the way it is. Just get through the next few days.

The good news is that you will have a degree and will be in quite the different place from where you were when you met him. Leave him, start a new life with the degree and come into your own. There is lots of potential in this although I am sure it does not feel like that right now.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Ughhh I feel so sorry for you!!!

This is unacceptable behavior and you should get out as soon as you can!


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Yeah sounds like he's long gone, probably has been for a while. Not worth trying to salvage.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

No one thinks she should stay with him and try to work things out?


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I know you're under a lot of stress right now and that's only going to make this harder, but you should really talk to him to see what this is about.


^^^^^^^^^

It doesn't sound good, but a talk should be had. If he's not around to 'talk', then leave him a letter to read.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> No one thinks she should stay with him and try to work things out?


His behavior makes it clear he's out - nobody does that for a week like that without basically saying screw this I'm out.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> His behavior makes it clear he's out - nobody does that for a week like that without basically saying screw this I'm out.


I know, I was being slightly facetious due to how people reacted in another thread.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, destroyx. It sounds like he's truly being ridiculous. I hope finals are going well for you.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mezzoforte said:


> No one thinks she should stay with him and try to work things out?


I see what you're doing...and I wouldn't leave that option off the table due to my previous experiences. But I can certainly see how something like this is unacceptable.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I have my next final on Monday. I could move tonight but I just don't want to deal with my mom and sister asking me 1000 questions and moving all their things around. I have a lot of stuff to move too. But then I risk him coming home and going through another painful episode. He can't be gone forever.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

DestroyX, what's the deal with this thread? Just curious to see what's going on...

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/this-guy-is-hot-and-makes-me-social-but-bad-173754/


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

srschirm said:


> DestroyX, what's the deal with this thread? Just curious to see what's going on...
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/this-guy-is-hot-and-makes-me-social-but-bad-173754/


That was about my ex who was trying to get back with me. I had a lot of feelings for him (he was my first) but I definitely don't anymore. I was with my current bf but I didn't cheat on him if that what you think lol


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

destroyX said:


> That was about my ex who was trying to get back with me. I had a lot of feelings for him (he was my first) but I definitely don't anymore. I was with my current bf but I didn't cheat on him if that what you think lol


Oh okay, yeah I was wondering. I just happened upon that thread and I got confused.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

So I hacked into his facebook and he's telling this woman he loves her and saying how he misses holding her and just so much freaking crap (I don't want to swear on here) but yes it's real. And his sister knows about it. 

I want to like kill someone right now. I think I will just pack all my stuff up right now and go to my moms. I might break everything like plates and I just am like enraged right now.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Damn, sorry to hear what's going on. Definitely time to pack your things and not look back.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Buy some rats and let them loose in his place. Make sure to put a few in his bed. Rats galore. 

Always with the dishes and clothes with females. Don't forget the horde of rats.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

destroyX said:


> So I hacked into his facebook and he's telling this woman he loves her and saying how he misses holding her and just so much freaking crap (I don't want to swear on here) but yes it's real. And his sister knows about it.
> 
> I want to like kill someone right now. I think I will just pack all my stuff up right now and go to my moms. I might break everything like plates and I just am like enraged right now.


I don't condone hacking/snooping like that but that is messed up. I think you should move out (if you think that environment will be better for you) and try to focus on your exams (though I know it will be hard,) as they are more important. Then when you're done you can confront him about it.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I hate myself!! I actually put wrong answers in when I did all the work right and had the right answer. I am so messed up I just can't do this anymore. He left me for someone else ...but he left his own apartment I guess. I know he is waiting for me to leave I dont want to give him that. 

I'm going to his job tomoprrow to attempt to talk to him. I knew I should have waited to move out of my moms until I was done with school. I am so embarrassed I dont want to have to go to my moms. I'm going to cry 24/7


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I feel this is all my fault. I should have paid more attention to him and not nagged him so much about things like leaving his clothes on the floor. Idk I'm going to need a counseler at this point. After my exams I will have to get some serious counseling so I can heal before next semester starts


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Bleh, the worst thing you can do is blame yourself for him cheating. If there were things in the relationship which bugged him then anyone with an ounce of maturity will sit down with you and explain these things, not cheat behind your back.


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## Melodic (Apr 16, 2009)

destroyX said:


> I feel this is all my fault. I should have paid more attention to him and not nagged him so much about things like leaving his clothes on the floor. Idk I'm going to need a counseler at this point. After my exams I will have to get some serious counseling so I can heal before next semester starts


It's not your fault he cheated/left you, it's their problem and they will do it to almost any girl they end up with, you were just unlucky to have been with him. If he is the type that leaves his partner for another girl, then he will always be that sort of person. Also, the moment he was so ridiculously unsupportive during your finals should tell you he is not the right person for you, because it indicates that when the going gets tough in the future he is going to run off and do the same thing again. I think counselling can help you through this and make you realise these things so that you don't blame yourself. Sorry you're going through this.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

destroyX said:


> I hate myself!! I actually put wrong answers in when I did all the work right and had the right answer. I am so messed up I just can't do this anymore. He left me for someone else ...but he left his own apartment I guess. I know he is waiting for me to leave I dont want to give him that.
> 
> I'm going to his job tomoprrow to attempt to talk to him. I knew I should have waited to move out of my moms until I was done with school. I am so embarrassed I dont want to have to go to my moms. I'm going to cry 24/7


please tell me you're moving to your moms or somewhere else and not staying at his still

what do you hope to accomplish by confronting him like that? the relationship is clearly over, confronting him after work without warning is only going result in a blow up

send him a text letting him know you found out and that hes a scumbag then dont send anything more, try to keep contact to a minimum or not at all, you might want to send 10x texts/calls in a row crying and whining but it'll get you nowhere except feeling more sh*t

_[Staff Edit]_


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

His phone isnt on. I know seeing him at his work wont do anything, I just cant believe its over. Like Im still in shock I guess. I want him to apologize or something but I know hes probably going to say "i found someone else". It feels like the world is ending I know that sounds stupid but it rlly does.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

Its been 2yrs and a 1/2 I just noticed. We've been together for 3 but living together for 2 1/2. I miss when we first got together and he was so sweet. He even bought me a ring once but I decided he should return it because he got a dwi and had to pay the court alot of money we didnt have. Im so stupid!!

Im so exhausted from crying...thanks everyone for being here for me, honestly.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Something tells me you'll be better off without him...


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Girl, he ain't your bf anymore.


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## persona non grata (Jul 13, 2011)

This is just about the grossest way he could decide to break up with somebody. I know this isn't comforting right now, but he sounds like a genuinely ****ty person and it's for the best that you part ways. 

Good luck on your exams, do your best to keep your attention on them until they're finished.


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

He sounds absolutely disgusting and not to mention absolutely cowardice. What especially pisses me off here (besides the fact that he cheated) is that he didn't/doesn't even have the balls to talk to you about what was unsatisfying him in the relationship before resorting to cheat on you, which is just so insulting to you and the relationship. I obviously don't know you, but I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I remember you once said you feel like the world is ending. I know what that feeling is like. I know that feeling you experience when a relationship you're really invested in falls apart because the other person *****s it up somehow, and you're whole world crumbles and you're left alone to pick up the pieces. It's a horrible feeling.


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## peyandkeele (Dec 5, 2013)

Im sorry but your ex aounds like the scum of the earth. He should be castrated so he can no longer be referred to as a man, because men dont do this. Op im sorry to hear what your going through, im personally offended that someone who claims to be a male would do this. What cowardly way to go about things,this guy is a grade a douche bag. If i knew him in person i would probably beat the everliving crap outta him, if i were his family id disown him to see how he likes it. I hope the girl hes with drops his *** mercilessly leaving him nowhere to go. Ive never been in a relationship, but i would be pissed to the highest degree if i were in your shoes. Heck im pissed now to hear that people who claim to be adults do stuff like this.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

destroyX said:


> You're right, these are his true colors. I don't think I will ever let myself be vulnerable with anyone again. His family knows because his sister texted me asking if he came home yet. It's hard enough having SA now I'm completely embarrassed. I don't think I can even face his family again if I saw them.


A lot of people have had this happen to them, it's not your fault at all. His family should be embarrassed for not sympathising with you or informing you after what he did.

You can get better at telling who you can trust. people's treatment of you is not what you should judge them on. You can tell that you can trust someone if they are caring for other people as well as people they want something from or are close to. people with strong opinions on ethics in relationships who are upset about others being mistreated are also more trustworthy.

You can get close to people again even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you are able to move past this and there are other opportunities for relationships and friendships. Right now you are severely depressed and shocked. Anything negative that you feel/think that you wouldn't tell a friend in this situation should be seen as just a feeling/thought that isn't necessarily true. Feelings like that you won't date again can be very convincing and seem true but try to tell yourself that they are just feelings. A lot of people have these feelings of hopelessness and then have them turn out to be wrong.

_[Staff Edit]_


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's one of those behaviors that can"t be unlearnt, which is why almost all cheaters are serial cheaters.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I left a note saying "We don't have to talk about this. I'm sorry if I pushed you away, I just want you to come home."

I feel better after leaving that note because I feel the ball is in his court now. If he doesn't come home, then I will just have to accept that this is what he really wants. I went to my mothers house while no one was there to sort of ease myself into thinking of living there again. I actually haven't eaten for the last 2 days but I did at my moms. It's better to be with my family (cramped as it will be) than with him at this point. I just wish this weren't happening. 

I was really satisfied with him which makes it so hard. I think I wasn't paying enough attention to him but it's like someone said- one hour studying has more value than one hour with that jerk! I am going to think those words when I get the urge to see him at places I know he is like his work.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Gosh, I'm very sorry about your situation. Things will get better eventually...:squeeze


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

3 years together is a long time. You deserve to be treated better, at least to be told where you stand and for it to happen in the middle of your exams makes it a hundred times worse. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but i can't imagine you did anything to warrant this treatment. Of course it is going to hurt like hell and in spite of everything you will probably still want him to come back. Whether or not that option is still on the table and is worth considering in the event it is, is something you'll have to decide on your own, but if you want my honest opinion based on similar experiences and with bad friends generally I would have absolutely nothing more to do with this guy.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

andy0128 said:


> 3 years together is a long time. You deserve to be treated better, at least to be told where you stand and for it to happen in the middle of your exams makes it a hundred times worse. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but i can't imagine you did anything to warrant this treatment. Of course it is going to hurt like hell and in spite of everything you will probably still want him to come back. Whether or not that option is still on the table and is worth considering in the event it is, is something you'll have to decide on your own, but if you want my honest opinion based on similar experiences and with bad friends generally I would have absolutely nothing more to do with this guy.


That's pretty fair.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

You need to just get out of there, every moment you're in that same world is going to hurt more and more. If its his place then he will get stuck with the bills for it, but he obviously is avoiding you and also just as obviously it wasn't your fault. It shows you have good character that you put so much into it and tried so hard, but he obviously gave up some time ago and it just took a while to show up. He isn't worth your tears and sadness over the situation, the best revenge you could get is coming out on top of things twice as happy with someone who deserves you.

There are good guys out there, don't waste another tear on someone who gave up on you in such a boorish way.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I am afraid of going home and like all my stuff being in the hallway or something. I also don't want to go there because I can't focus on my work when I'm there I just cry. I just cant wait until my finals are over. I can't wait until my life is over basically is how it feels.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

destroyX said:


> I am afraid of going home and like all my stuff being in the hallway or something. I also don't want to go there because I can't focus on my work when I'm there I just cry. I just cant wait until my finals are over. I can't wait until my life is over basically is how it feels.


It will get better. Sounds like the sooner you can get out the better. I know it doesn't help, but things will improve.


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## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

destroyX said:


> I left a note saying "We don't have to talk about this. I'm sorry if I pushed you away, I just want you to come home."


Sorry but I think what you wrote was a bad idea....
You shouldn't blame yourself....

What are you going to do when his new gf tosses him out when she finds out he cheats on her too..??

Then He'll call you up... 
He'll say "OK I'll come back to you if you're nice to me this time"..
..and the start of more Mental abuse continues..

Start to forget him....now


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

destroyX said:


> I left a note saying "We don't have to talk about this. I'm sorry if I pushed you away, I just want you to come home."


You're being a doormat. Where's your self-respect?

Watch "The Joy Luck Club."

It's possible to forgive a cheater who made a mistake and is truly sorry. This kind of cheater you cannot forgive. This relationship is over. You need to accept that. If you get him back it will just happen again and your self-esteem will be even lower.

Also, you should seek some therapy about self-esteem issues.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

destroyX said:


> I know he was with another woman the first night cuz of pics on facebook.


And this is okay to you?

I would've packed up all my belongings and left.

Just focus on your studies as best you can. After Finals are over, pack your belongings and move out because the last thing you want is a repeat of this. I don't care what you did, a gentleman never treats a woman the way this guy did. I agree with the poster above me about seeing a therapist. A lot of times people stay in unhealthy relationships due to low self-esteem and they need professional help to be able to see clearly.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

OP, how are you doing today?


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I'm feeling really low. I want to be with him because I love him, but I'm not going to. I haven't packed my bags yet because I have finals until Wedesday and I just can't do it right now. I am beginning to accept that it's over...it just is starting to sink in. Like I still cant believe its real especially since I haven't seen him since Monday.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Frustrating to see you blaming yourself and leaving a note which suggests it's your fault, that is wrong on so many levels. He's disrespected you, and consciously made a decision knowing that's it's going to hurt you. He's a *expletive*.


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## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

_Deleted some posts. Please try to avoid participating in conflict. If you see a problem post, report it instead. Thank you!_


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I'm going home in a half hour. Once I walk through the door and he's not there Idk what I'm going to do. I will try to not break all his things. I spent so much time with this guy. I used to walk in and he'd be happy to see me not even a week ago. Like how can this happen.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

destroyX said:


> I'm going home in a half hour. Once I walk through the door and he's not there Idk what I'm going to do. I will try to not break all his things. I spent so much time with this guy. I used to walk in and he'd be happy to see me not even a week ago. Like how can this happen.


Guys like this can't be reached. Leave with the dignity he doesn't have. You won't feel any better trashing the place and there is only downside. Take care.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I already broke our plant but then I just felt bad for the plant. ok going home now, thank you all for being here for me I didn't expect this much help.


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## peyandkeele (Dec 5, 2013)

Hope you feel better, op, and i hope you pass your finals( i just finished mine last week)


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I went home last night and the ceiling of the bathroom had caved in. I thought my bf did it and my landlord didnt answer. I called his family telling them there was an emergeny and that I needed to call the police because I didnt want to get the blame for it since I didnt do it. Also, my jewlery was missing but I feel bad because I found it and the cops thought my bf took it. 

It was so bad. He told me I ruined his life and he has stopped wanting to be with me for the last 2 yrs and that he's long gone. 

I feel it is my fault because he did take out a loan for my college, he got a dwi because he drove me home when we were both drunk and getting threatened by a guy. He's been paying all the bills and owes like over 6000 in backed rent and utilitiy bills. Plus the dwi fees.

I was mean to him alot when I shouldn't have been. He said I was so abusive and I was I did call him stupid and I could have been alot nicer to him. He did break up with me once in September but I wouldnt leave. He said he had to SHOW me he was done. Theres no hope for the future now because I know when he sees me he will just remember me calling the cops and how much debt I put him in. 

The electric is in my name right now. If I cut it off he'll be without power in the middle of winter but it's like $300 overdue. I know it sounds awful but I love him I miss him so much. I know we will never be together again and we shouldnt be but I can't stop hoping he will change his mind. Idk what to do.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

@destroyX I know you are going through a lot now. It's good to see you have admitted your mistakes but no matter how bad he might have felt that was still no excuse for how he treated you in this past week.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

AngelClare said:


> You're being a doormat. Where's your self-respect?


Aren't you being harsh with her? She is suffering.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

The last thing he said was that I really know how to ruin things. He said I've changed for the worse and he doesnt think I will ever change. That I was just acting in the beginning when things were good and that I don't know how to be in a relationship. I wanted a family with him in the future...I dont want anyone else. I hate this. 

I think I am just venting now...I know I need to move on and I'm thankful for everyone's advice. This will be hard but I think the worst is over and I just need to deal with this pain now.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

destroyX said:


> So I hacked into his facebook and he's telling this woman he loves her and saying how he misses holding her and just so much freaking crap (I don't want to swear on here) but yes it's real. And his sister knows about it.
> 
> I want to like kill someone right now. I think I will just pack all my stuff up right now and go to my moms. I might break everything like plates and I just am like enraged right now.


Whoa - bad move. I was gonna say he was going to geive you space so you could do your studying, but he has been getting lessons in Ceiling Architecture and Mattress Physics on his own.
Don't hack. PACK.



Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't condone hacking/snooping like that but that is messed up. I think you should move out (if you think that environment will be better for you) and try to focus on your exams (though I know it will be hard,) as they are more important. Then when you're done you can confront him about it.


Yep, Like I said.....Don't hack. PACK.



destroyX said:


> I feel this is all my fault. I should have paid more attention to him and not nagged him so much about things like leaving his clothes on the floor. Idk I'm going to need a counseler at this point. After my exams I will have to get some serious counseling so I can heal before next semester starts


Nope - he cheated.
He boozed. He schmoozed. He losed.



destroyX said:


> Its been 2yrs and a 1/2 I just noticed. We've been together for 3 but living together for 2 1/2. I miss when we first got together and he was so sweet. He even bought me a ring once but I decided he should return it because he got a dwi and had to pay the court alot of money we didnt have. Im so stupid!!
> 
> Im so exhausted from crying...thanks everyone for being here for me, honestly.


Yep, he BOOZED. He schmoozed. He losed.



AussiePea said:


> Something tells me you'll be better off without him...


YES! Dump that zero and get yourself a HERO.



diamondheart89 said:


> Girl, he ain't your bf anymore.


Kick him to the curb, honey!



Perkins said:


> He sounds absolutely disgusting and not to mention absolutely cowardice. What especially pisses me off here (besides the fact that he cheated) is that he didn't/doesn't even have the balls to talk to you about what was unsatisfying him in the relationship before resorting to cheat on you, which is just so insulting to you and the relationship. I obviously don't know you, but I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I remember you once said you feel like the world is ending. I know what that feeling is like. I know that feeling you experience when a relationship you're really invested in falls apart because the other person *****s it up somehow, and you're whole world crumbles and you're left alone to pick up the pieces. It's a horrible feeling.


Cowardice and weak as water.



peyandkeele said:


> Im sorry but your ex aounds like the scum of the earth. He should be castrated so he can no longer be referred to as a man, because men dont do this. Op im sorry to hear what your going through, im personally offended that someone who claims to be a male would do this. What cowardly way to go about things,this guy is a grade a douche bag. If i knew him in person i would probably beat the everliving crap outta him, if i were his family id disown him to see how he likes it. I hope the girl hes with drops his *** mercilessly leaving him nowhere to go. Ive never been in a relationship, but i would be pissed to the highest degree if i were in your shoes. Heck im pissed now to hear that people who claim to be adults do stuff like this.


Didn't even say a word. Nasty.
No wonder he has a DWI. He can't grow up.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

destroyX said:


> I went home last night and the ceiling of the bathroom had caved in. I thought my bf did it and my landlord didnt answer. I called his family telling them there was an emergeny and that I needed to call the police because I didnt want to get the blame for it since I didnt do it. Also, my jewlery was missing but I feel bad because I found it and the cops thought my bf took it.
> 
> It was so bad. He told me I ruined his life and he has stopped wanting to be with me for the last 2 yrs and that he's long gone.
> 
> ...





destroyX said:


> The last thing he said was that I really know how to ruin things. He said I've changed for the worse and he doesnt think I will ever change. That I was just acting in the beginning when things were good and that I don't know how to be in a relationship. I wanted a family with him in the future...I dont want anyone else. I hate this.
> 
> I think I am just venting now...I know I need to move on and I'm thankful for everyone's advice. This will be hard but I think the worst is over and I just need to deal with this pain now.


Girl, he is just as much to blame. He racked up the debt, he racked up the rent. He could be sued if loans are in his name. Something was wrong if he could not speak up for two years. Blaming you now is way too late.

And he's with a lady who has THREE KIDZ! I feel sorry for them already. So does my wallet!

Huge lesson learned.....even for me.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

destroyX said:


> The last thing he said was that I really know how to ruin things. He said I've changed for the worse and he doesnt think I will ever change. That I was just acting in the beginning when things were good and that I don't know how to be in a relationship. I wanted a family with him in the future...I dont want anyone else. I hate this.
> 
> I think I am just venting now...I know I need to move on and I'm thankful for everyone's advice. This will be hard but I think the worst is over and I just need to deal with this pain now.


Nothing you've done should have resulted in him cheating on you. If he was unhappy and wanted to be with someone else, he should have ended the relationship with you first.

It hurts now, but in time, it won't hurt...and not only that, you'll look back and be grateful that you didn't end up married with kids to a cheating coward.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

millenniumman75 said:


> Whoa - bad move. I was gonna say he was going to geive you space so you could do your studying, but he has been getting lessons in Ceiling Architecture and Mattress Physics on his own.
> Don't hack. PACK.
> 
> Yep, Like I said.....Don't hack. PACK.
> ...


:clap:lol


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I did, I moved I'm living at my moms tiny place now. I'm a mess but luckily they're all leaving me alone so I can cry. I miss him so much. I miss being held and feeling so content in his arms. I can't stop thinking about it. My head hurts and my stomach is so messed up like I have a virus.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I hope you're doing better today, DestroyX...


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

He made a new facebook with pics of his new girlfriend. People are commenting how cute they are are how he treats her like a queen. I can't take this. I hate living at my moms I have no space. I miss my life so much I hate this!!!!


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Don't torture yourself looking up his fb to see what you know is going to be on there. Block him out entirely, of your life, of your mind, and as soon as you can from your heart. Every rememberance and reminisce will only increase your pain and slow the healing process. Don't make it harder for yourself.

You don't miss your life with him, you miss the illusion you created in your mind. To him it was over for years and he was just going through the motions with you while cheating on you. it was only happy and good in your imagination. Destroy it all in your mind, burn it to the ground, and rise from the ashes anew. Even if it was a beautiful lie you told yourself. If it seemed like all was well, now you know it wasn't. There's nothing to hold onto anymore. Emotionally or otherwise. Everything has been tainted by his actions. And now you're moving into a new part of your story.

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Good advice, MJK.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I messaged him on facebook about the electric bill because its in my name. I told him to call them and make a payment plan so they will put it in his name. I then said that I didnt turn it off becuz it's winter and I didnt want him to be without it, but that I have to turn it off eventually. He hasn't responded yet but at least he didnt block me. 

I'm so tempted to go and see him but I know I can't, no reason for it and it will just hurt. Its awful how much I miss him and he wont even respond to my message. He's obviously forgotten all about me. I wish I could do the same.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

destroyX said:


> He made a new facebook with pics of his new girlfriend. People are commenting how cute they are are how he treats her like a queen. I can't take this. I hate living at my moms I have no space. I miss my life so much I hate this!!!!


It's all good on Fakebook - lies underneath. The kidz probably hate him. The first time he is stuck with 'em, if that ever happens, he'll bolt. I wonder if he will go back to his place. I am sure your landpeople are thrilled about what he did.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

destroyX said:


> I messaged him on facebook about the electric bill because its in my name. I told him to call them and make a payment plan so they will put it in his name. I then said that I didnt turn it off becuz it's winter and I didnt want him to be without it, but that I have to turn it off eventually. He hasn't responded yet but at least he didnt block me.
> 
> I'm so tempted to go and see him but I know I can't, no reason for it and it will just hurt. Its awful how much I miss him and he wont even respond to my message. He's obviously forgotten all about me. I wish I could do the same.


I think you can cancel your account with them. If he wants it, he will have to open a new account in his name.


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## nonethemore (Oct 18, 2010)

Esteban said:


> Buy some rats and let them loose in his place. Make sure to put a few in his bed. Rats galore.
> 
> Always with the dishes and clothes with females. Don't forget the horde of rats.


You can also order cockroaches to be delivered lol


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## peyandkeele (Dec 5, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> I think you can cancel your account with them. If he wants it, he will have to open a new account in his name.


I second this, cancel it and make that waste of oxygen open a new account himself. He showed u no courtesy, so you shouldnt show him any either.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

His account is overdue and he already cancelled it once. I just dont want him to hate me. I know I shouldnt even care though because we are over. I dont like to burn bridges though. Maybe I should pick him up from his job just to have one last talk. I dont want to just turn the electric off like that.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

destroyX said:


> His account is overdue and he already cancelled it once. I just dont want him to hate me. I know I shouldnt even care though because we are over. I dont like to burn bridges though. Maybe I should pick him up from his job just to have one last talk. I dont want to just turn the electric off like that.


no

he didnt care about leaving you out in the cold, and neither should you (like, literally)

dont pick him up from his job wtf

he has a girlfriend

its not your responsibility

if anything, it's hers

if he needed help or whatever he would have kept you in his life, but instead, he didnt gaf and just moved on

he sucks

dont reward his ****ty behavior by trying to be his friend


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I saw him one last time, we talked and he told me he has NO feelings for me and is HAPPIER without me. He doesnt miss me at all and never thinks about me and doesnt want me in his life because I ruined his life. He said I stressed him out so much that he would mess up at work and that I blew it along time ago. Supposedly he's joing the army but i doubt it. He's clearly moved on and he told me that I need to move on and to be different in any other relationship I'm in. I told him I wanted to be with him, he said he knows but that its over he doesnt love me anymore that I ruined it. 

He hates me its official. At goodbye I said is there any chance in the future he said maybe idk but then said no to wait for him to just live my life. So thats a no.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

destroyX said:


> I saw him one last time, we talked and he told me he has NO feelings for me and is HAPPIER without me. He doesnt miss me at all and never thinks about me and doesnt want me in his life because I ruined his life. He said I stressed him out so much that he would mess up at work and that I blew it along time ago. Supposedly he's joing the army but i doubt it. He's clearly moved on and he told me that I need to move on and to be different in any other relationship I'm in. I told him I wanted to be with him, he said he knows but that its over he doesnt love me anymore that I ruined it.
> 
> He hates me its official. At goodbye I said is there any chance in the future he said maybe idk but then said no to wait for him to just live my life. So thats a no.


Leave that poor boy alone. You belittled him, he broke up with you, you refused to go. It doesn't surprise me that he moved on while you were still in the relationship. Learn from your errors and be nicer to your next partner.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

I dont want to ever date again. I want what I lost so bad I cant stop kicking myself for this. I hate myself.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

destroyX said:


> I dont want to ever date again. I want what I lost so bad I cant stop kicking myself for this. I hate myself.


So you want your bf to "win" and ultimately still control your future by putting you off dating?

I get the sentiment, but don't let it stick.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

KyleInSTL said:


> So you want your bf to "win" and ultimately still control your future by putting you off dating?
> 
> I get the sentiment, but don't let it stick.


As "pathetic" as destroyx might be acting, it is understandable because she was in love and if my relationship was to break down, idk how I would act.

I feel for you op, I really do.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

nubly said:


> Leave that poor boy alone. You belittled him, he broke up with you, you refused to go. It doesn't surprise me that he moved on while you were still in the relationship. Learn from your errors and be nicer to your next partner.


Leave that poor boy alone? He should have left her alone when he knew he wanted out of the relationship. Your comment is completely idiotic and not helpful to anybody. Why even comment at all, other than to be a jerk?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

destroyX said:


> I saw him one last time, we talked and he told me he has NO feelings for me and is HAPPIER without me. He doesnt miss me at all and never thinks about me and doesnt want me in his life because I ruined his life. He said I stressed him out so much that he would mess up at work and that I blew it along time ago. Supposedly he's joing the army but i doubt it. He's clearly moved on and he told me that I need to move on and to be different in any other relationship I'm in. I told him I wanted to be with him, he said he knows but that its over he doesnt love me anymore that I ruined it.
> 
> He hates me its official. At goodbye I said is there any chance in the future he said maybe idk but then said no to wait for him to just live my life. So thats a no.


This conversation makes me sick to my stomach.
What in the H is wrong with Mr. Zero? He should have said something a long time ago. He is blaming you for his not getting out of the relationship?

Granted, you have anxiety issues and may not have seen what happened, but he should have been more direct with you a long time ago if he truly had this issue. He also drug you along.

I keep seeing the word "codependency", but "immaturity" comes up more.



the cheat said:


> Leave that poor boy alone? He should have left her alone when he knew he wanted out of the relationship. Your comment is completely idiotic and not helpful to anybody. Why even comment at all, other than to be a jerk?


Attacking him is not fair. Some stuff can be taken from what was said.

Use the relationship failure to rebuild yourself. Learn from your mistakes.
He just moved himself into another one - a cougar with kidz? Seriously? You are free.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

destroyX said:


> I dont want to ever date again. I want what I lost so bad I cant stop kicking myself for this. I hate myself.


Once you get past this feeling, you'll see how much better off you are. Also, you'll see how much you've grown as a person. You shouldn't take all of the blame...remember, it takes two to tango. He could have handled things a lot better then he did. Don't let one failed relationship make you feel like you're not deserving of another...because you are deserving, and you deserve to be happy. Don't forget...there is someone out there who wants to be with you.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

the cheat said:


> Leave that poor boy alone? He should have left her alone when he knew he wanted out of the relationship. Your comment is completely idiotic and not helpful to anybody. Why even comment at all, other than to be a jerk?


She said he had ended the relationship but she refused to go. Whatever he did after that was fair game.


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## shymystery7 (Oct 26, 2014)

That's really sad that you have been together for years and he won't even speak to you, a good man wouldn't behave like this. You seem really brave, far too good for him concetrate on your studying and you will get far in life. I hope things get better for you.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

nubly said:


> She said he had ended the relationship but she refused to go. Whatever he did after that was fair game.


C'mon man, have you read the whole thread?


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

srschirm said:


> C'mon man, have you read the whole thread?


Well not the whole thread. I read the part where she hacked his Facebook account, where she admits to nagging him and being abusive towards him and where he ended the relationship three months ago but she refused. The nagging and abuse is enough to want someone out of your life. I don't blame him for doing what he did. Sounds like he was just desperate to have her out of his life.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

nubly said:


> Well not the whole thread. I read the part where she hacked his Facebook account, where she admits to nagging him and being abusive towards him and where he ended the relationship three months ago but she refused. The nagging and abuse is enough to want someone out of your life. I don't blame him for doing what he did. Sounds like he was just desperate to have her out of his life.


I don't know all the details, but what he is doing now isn't right. Regardless of what she may have done before, he's not handling it right.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

It's better he's out my of life so I can move on. I am trying to picture him as a pile of dirt when he pops into my mind. I dont want to be lied to or cheated on or around his family so it's better this way. His family always thought I was stuck up...no one knew about my SA. I'm glad I won't have to raise a kid around them as I never wanted to. I always knew if we ever did have one, we were moving far away. I am not going to post about him anymore as he is the past and it just hurts. I need to keep moving forward.


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