# Would you date someone who doesn't find you physically attractive?



## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

but is attracted to who you are as a person?


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Um, idk. I guess so, looks won't always be there. But on the other hand I would hate for someone to settle for me.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I don't think I have a choice.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Yes, otherwise I'd be ruling out literally everyone.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

No, I wouldn't. I know that leaves me with very few options, but I don't want to feel like I am not good enough during the relationship. I know I would be self-conscious and not comfortable.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

So I would know she doesn't find me the slightest bit attractive in the looks department? Then probably no.
I wouldn't care though to what extent she found me physically attractive.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Been there. She thought she was being not shallow, I guess. But it was destructive. "I like your kindness." And attention and gifts, apparently. Ouch.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Some things are best left unspoken.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

no way. i would feel extremely insecure and always be on edge waiting for him to dump me for someone else more attractive or feel like i'd have to put up w/ him always looking (lusting, i should say) at women that are more attractive. he'd probably secretly be wishing he was w/ them instead of me.



Crisigv said:


> No, I wouldn't. I know that leaves me with very few options, *but I don't want to feel like I am not good enough during the relationship*. I know I would be self-conscious and not comfortable.


yep.


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

No. I can't imagine that ever working out. I am way too insecure.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

SamanthaStrange said:


> No. I can't imagine that ever working out. I am way too insecure.


This.


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## dune87 (Aug 10, 2015)

ew! no


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

meepie said:


> No, why would anyone?


To not be alone? Because appearance doesn't really matter that much and we're not that shallow?


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## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

Probably. But I'd be gutted if they didn't find me pysically attractive.


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## Kovu (Jun 18, 2013)

I have a great muscular body and personality so if they liked that yes


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

meepie said:


> So you'd date and then possibly be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't find you attractive? It's almost telling me you'd be okay with her telling you that you're ugly as long as she's with you and you're not alone. How does that work? Isn't the point of dating and being in a relationship finding the other person incredibly attractive in all ways? It doesn't matter how that physical attraction is reached -- whether through finding that person's personality attractive and then the physical attraction follows or finding the person incredibly physically attractive right away. It has to be there or there is no chemistry or passion in a relationship.
> 
> *Now if you're talking about casual sex and that's all you're looking for that's a different story,* I guess people do whatever they like in that situation because all they want there is to be close physically.


I feel like that should be flipped, wouldn't casual sex be all about the physical attraction? Otherwise why not just masturbate. No, I don't think the point of being in a relationship is just having a hot gf, I think the point of being in a relationship is to have someone to share your feelings and life with, and to have a close connection and not feel alone. It seems really shallow to me, to not date someone just because of what they look like.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I feel like that should be flipped, wouldn't casual sex be all about the physical attraction? Otherwise why not just masturbate. No, I don't think the point of being in a relationship is just having a hot gf, I think the point of being in a relationship is to have someone to share your feelings and life with, and to have a close connection and not feel alone. It seems really shallow to me, to not date someone just because of what they look like.


It's isn't "just because of what they look like" though, it's simply being with someone who you personally find physically attractive but also ticks all the other important boxes in a relationship.

You're in an overwhelming minority when it comes to being completely comfortable with having a partner who you do not find physically appealing so it's unfair to label what's basic human nature as shallow imo.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

^Edited my post


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Attractive enough so she didn't feel like she was settling for something less. Everyone wants to turn on their partner, though I'd like to think I would be much more than that. I'd also want her to find me fascinating and someone she felt safe confiding in. Hopefully, she's much more than a pretty face or I'd like get bored.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

So basically, you all are saying that love is based on looks. That's horrible.. and anybody who says beauty is subjective either is lying or doesn't get how our brains work. It's ridiculous how everybody thinks that they can only be loved as a person if somebody is sexually attracted to them. It's disgusting, actually. This is why I have no respect for humanity.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Sure, as long as she's putting out. Otherwise why waste the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Maybe. I don't quite know until I'm put in that situation though.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

This question doesn't really make any sense. If someone does not find you physically attractive, they're not even going to give you a chance, no? At least that's what I've done to girls in the past unless I'm desperate and it doesn't feel nice that someone would be using you solely out of desperation which is why I would just say no and wait for something I deserve because I've been through too much so far and the last thing I need is trying to love someone who probably can't stand me.


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## Genetic Garbage (May 7, 2011)

Sure. I can't afford to be so picky. Might as well take what I can get.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

The Sound of Silence said:


> So basically, you all are saying that love is based on looks. That's horrible.. and anybody who says beauty is subjective either is lying or doesn't get how our brains work. It's ridiculous how everybody thinks that they can only be loved as a person if somebody is sexually attracted to them. It's disgusting, actually. This is why I have no respect for humanity.


that is not what people are saying...

just because we are physically attracted to someone, or want to be, does not mean we do not care about them as a person.


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## RestlessNative (Jun 17, 2014)

One of my greatest desires is to feel beautiful, sexy, all of that. I need someone who will tell me I'm a pretty boy.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

The Sound of Silence said:


> Would you date someone who doesn't find you physically attractive? but is attracted to who you are as a person?


It's never worked out for me in the past and that's before even getting to the dating part. But that's part of finding the right partner. I learnt from observation that who they are attracted to is people like themselves personality wise. Looks play a part as well, as mentioned below.



The Sound of Silence said:


> So basically, you all are saying that love is based on looks. That's horrible.. and anybody who says beauty is subjective either is lying or doesn't get how our brains work. It's ridiculous how everybody thinks that they can only be loved as a person if somebody is sexually attracted to them. It's disgusting, actually. This is why I have no respect for humanity.


Looks play a part as people look for someone who looks much like themselves looks wise (face), but maybe a different hair colour, body type that is similar to theirs (petite, solid build, etc). They tend to find that person attractive.

If you don't look like them face wise with that certain haircolour they like, body type, etc, they won't be attracted to you physically and vice versa (it never works out).

With me I tend to be attracted to personality and accept the looks. That's usually where I go wrong and get emotionally hurt when they don't find me attractive physically. 

Basically you need both compatible personality and looks to make it work. It's not one or the other.

If personality only it's more a friend thing.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

meepie said:


> This is Sarah Nobody. Sarah has sexy brown hair, nice olive skin, brown eyes, she has a cute crooked nose, one chipped tooth. She has soft bushy eyebrows, she has a colorful dress style. You find Sarah Nobody the most attractive woman ever because she is your gf. Sarah Nobody is unique, there is no one else that looks like her.
> 
> Now if I didn't find Sarah attractive or because she wasn't my gf, I could more easily take those same features and turn them negative.
> 
> ...


^ This.

There's no doubt in my mind that how physically attracted you are to someone can change, grow depending on how emotionally attached or invested you are in them. It's just how I see it, from experience but Idk how you could see it any other way.


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## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

No, sounds like it wouldn't work at all. I think for most successful relationships physical and emotional connection are both crucial. Otherwise it just sounds like it would make the one person feel even ****tier.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

No. Because if I cared about someone I'd want them to be happy. And if they didn't find me attractive, they wouldn't really be happy. That's like forcing someone you love to eat food they don't like.

Additionally, dating them might prevent them from finding a more compatible partner, who they do find attractive, a fact about which I would be aware, and which would make me miserable, since I care about their happiness. If I love someone, I want them to be with the person who makes them happiest.

And this is one of the many reasons I expect to remain single. :lol


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## OohSexyLady (Mar 7, 2016)

I guess a similar question is "Would you date someone more attractive than yourself?" This happens all the time because it is virtually impossible for two people to be identically matched across the board (and if they are perhaps you'd have to worry about genetic conditions). I wouldn't want to be ugly to my partner. I am fairly attractive, but I have flaws. I would really like to challenge myself to be the fittest I have ever been, but there are things I change like my height. So if I met a lovely woman and she was really attractive and seemed kind and interested in me would I turn her down? Why would I do that? A lot of women really like guys for the total package of who they are. I would beware of a woman that thought overly narcissistically because honestly if she viewed men as basically tools to her own ends then a) there is always someone richer, hotter, etc and b) I could treat women the same way and just have flings and be perfectly happy without her.

edit: I would also like to add that my avatar is of a female molecular biologist and honestly if we met in person I would be very drawn to her because she is highly attractive and beautiful and could challenge me on multiple levels. Isn't that the dream? To be the kind of person that someone you thought highly of would be attracted to? I think a woman like that would be drawn to confidence and if you saw yourself as inherently "beneath her" then you wouldn't be being 'fair' to her because a woman needs you at your best. She needs someone who challenges her and brings out her best to be fulfilled because that is what fulfillment is, namely living up to your potential and challenging yourself.


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## That Random Guy (Jan 31, 2015)

*Can this happen?*

I would think if someone finds you attractive on the inside, then somehow they would also learn to love the parts of you on the outside.

I can't imagine it would be one or the other.

I can't vote.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

No. The first time someone they actually found attractive showed them the slightest bit of interest they'd be out of here so what would be the point?


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## theblueguy (May 11, 2016)

Might as well be friends


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

Of course not, unless I sunk that low and became that desperate. It's like being with someone who finds you ugly, it doesn't make sense and would only confirm my insecurities about my looks and feelings of being unattractive.

Although, then again maybe I'm already desperate because I personally believe if it's not for anything else besides my looks then there's no reason for anyone to want to be with me. (or vice versa on days where I manage to find myself the least bit physically attractive, then I remember my personality is complete **** instead.)


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## Friendonkey (May 13, 2016)

Nope.

I already have low self esteem, that would just make me feel worse.


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## aquariusrising (May 19, 2014)

No way....after being ugly all my life I want someone to think I'm attractive and call me nice things.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

But if you like someone as a person wouldn't you overtime find them physically attractive?

This is what I am afraid of. I mainly receive interests online and if I start to be attracted to that person I would let myself think too much into it and start to freak out that they won't really find me attractive in person if we started dating.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

Maybe I'm just a know-nothing like some suspect, but yeah, I would, just like I would date someone I do not find physically attractive. I would take the time to really get to know that person. And I find that the person is kind, caring and good at heart, then I would give it all I got to fall in love with the person and one day come to love every single one of her flaws.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

I don't see how it could happen; it's hard to imagine someone starting a relationship if there's no attraction in the first place

You could find inner beauty in just about anyone if you looked, but even so, most people don't just ask people out totally at random, with no regard for attraction


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Red October said:


> I don't see how it could happen


Whoa, slow down there, stud :b


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

On the one hand, I feel like this is literally the only type of love I could feel from a guy, somebody who loves me as a person but doesn't find me physically attractive, because nobody ever has, and everything I've read about what guys are looking for rules out my particular physical appearance. In addition I believe a guy would HAVE to be more drawn to who I am as a person, because I'm asexual and it's not like I'm going to be offering him sex, so physical attraction seems moot.

On the other hand...seriously, a guy who is attracted ONLY to who I am as a person, and doesn't find me physically attractive? This just sounds like something that does not exist. :no I assume even other asexual people want an attractive partner; even I don't completely rule out looks. It's one thing for a guy to feel neutral about my appearance, or for who I am as a person to trump my below-average looks, but to find me *unattractive*?--that would hurt. And I would always, _always_ be assuming this is a guy who is secretly repelled by me, who has merely settled for me until somebody better and prettier comes along. So...

I guess my answer would be, "I don't date people." 

...It doesn't matter anyway because guys aren't even attracted to who I am as a person. That's even uglier than my looks.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

Milco said:


> Whoa, slow down there, stud :b


rawr :3


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

meepie said:


> See to me, you would find your gf the hottest person in the world. Maybe we share different definitions of attraction. Physically attractive doesn't mean hot in the conventional sense to me, it means you feel drawn to how they look because that's who they are. I don't care about what other people think of how attractive they are, only me. No other person in the world looks like them, and you like their unique physical features because it's them.
> 
> Here's how I imagine it.
> 
> This is Sarah Nobody. Sarah has sexy brown hair, nice olive skin, brown eyes, she has a cute crooked nose, one chipped tooth. She has soft bushy eyebrows, she has a colorful dress style. You find Sarah Nobody the most attractive woman ever because she is your gf. Sarah Nobody is unique, there is no one else that looks like her.


I think there is a little bit of truth to this but its not a huge margin, maybe 20% and it both grows slowly over time and could also die over time if they treat you like crap.


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## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

:frown2:No. But if they wanted me to change things about myself, then I would.(even though I know I've said on here you shouldn't have to change yourself for luves)


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## sarah089 (Aug 28, 2013)

No, I wouldn't want to date a guy who doesn't find me attractive. I'd always have a fear of possibly losing him in the back of my mind. Also, it's hard to be truly intimate with a person knowing they don't like the way you look.


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

I voted no because I just don't think a relationship without attraction would work. I feel to be in a relationship with someone there has to be some mutual attraction, both physical and personality-wise.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

isnt the question round the wrong way?

If the other person does NOT find you attractive, how can you think that it'd even get as far to be dating? You aren't in the control of the other persons decisions.

Shouldnt it be; would you date someone you didn't find attractive? ( like if the person was desperate adn had to grab whatever came along, and forget abotu looks?)


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

I don't know...how would i even meet such a person? if he wasn't attracted to me physically there's little likelihood he would want to engage in a conversation with me to even set things in motion.



That Random Guy said:


> I would think if someone finds you attractive on the inside, then somehow they would also learn to love the parts of you on the outside.
> 
> I can't imagine it would be one or the other.


i agree with this  but i think the OP's question doesn't really give room for it.

If there was *no* possibility of him finding me physically attractive, i think it would remain strictly friends.

it would be a huge blow to my self esteem in any case.... I don't want someone to fixate solely on my appearance (just take a look at my signature, haha  ) but i would still like to think he found me desirable.


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## uziq (Apr 9, 2012)

I'd constantly feel insecure.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*date is not a verb. not imperative*

therefore invalid. it can be an object.

hand someone a bad one?

Do you like eating 'em? or throwing so fast so it bruises?

No interest in any person with zero concept of language, logic or maths

baby isn't an object. adjective.

an apartment isn't flat or a flat or his flat or hers or their flat. cuboid space

negativity is enjoyable and amusing
in a less pretty world


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## cosmicslop (Nov 24, 2012)

No. it would mean that every time they look at me, I'd be thinking about how they're thinking that they're looking at someone they don't like looking at. That's something exhausting to have to keep remembering for the both of us. Sharing eye contact is also a simple but meaningful act, and, if physical attraction isn't there, then it would diminish the romantic intimacy looking in one another's eyes creates. I want to have that bond be mutual.


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