# Can't maintain friendships



## War Machine (Jul 10, 2013)

My family life is very good, I have a good job and I keep myself in good health and physical shape. However, when it comes to social activities, I've discovered that I tend to suffer.

To be fair, I have a few very close friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Unfortunately, everybody else disregards me after awhile, no matter what I do. Similar to a TV show that has jumped the shark. People consider me a "nice/good guy." I'm responsible, don't get drunk/drugged and choose to build myself up rather than put others down. I'm outgoing and not afraid to initiate conversations. Of course, I'm sure I have plenty of faults.

One day, I get smiling hello's. The next day, I get ignored (more from girls than guys). There is no consistency. Not only that, but nobody gives me a reason. If I enter the most minor of conflicts, the other person cuts me out of their life for good (again, more girls than guys). I get the feeling that I have to live up to a different standard than everyone else.

Do you have any tips or advice on how to strengthen bonds and, well, get people to like me for an extended period of time?


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## Haven49 (Jun 16, 2013)

You sound, all in all, like a very healthy, stable person.  This is good, exceptional for where you are. 

It's good that you have some close friends...this shows you that can have long-lasting relationships with people  

Hold on to your morals and standards. In today's world, sometimes people of different standards might conflict with you, and perhaps you with them.

There are other people like you out there, and one day you'll meet them  I think that the problem right now lies less with yourself and more with the inconsistencies of these people that you are trying to bond with, or at least thats my opinion.

Keep being yourself, and focusing on liking yourself instead of trying to please others!


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## darcy111 (Jul 8, 2013)

People don't usually decide to turn a cold shoulder randomly, you might want to take a closer look at how you are handling yourself or ask your close friends if they have any input on why people distance themselves from you. I'm not trying to accuse you of being at fault, I could be very wrong! But if you are starting to notice a pattern of reactions from people, it might be that you are doing something and don't realize it's causing people to react negatively.


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## War Machine (Jul 10, 2013)

darcy111 said:


> People don't usually decide to turn a cold shoulder randomly, you might want to take a closer look at how you are handling yourself or ask your close friends if they have any input on why people distance themselves from you. I'm not trying to accuse you of being at fault, I could be very wrong! But if you are starting to notice a pattern of reactions from people, it might be that you are doing something and don't realize it's causing people to react negatively.


I do notice the pattern. However, my close friends haven't pinpointed a specific problem. One theory I had - and I mentioned this in another post - is people sense a Napoleon Complex.

I'm not tall (5'7"-5'8"), but am considered buff while also being outgoing and confident. Perhaps people think I'm overcompensating for something (when I'm not)?


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## darcy111 (Jul 8, 2013)

War Machine said:


> I do notice the pattern. However, my close friends haven't pinpointed a specific problem. One theory I had - and I mentioned this in another post - is people sense a Napoleon Complex.
> 
> I'm not tall (5'7"-5'8"), but am considered buff while also being outgoing and confident. Perhaps people think I'm overcompensating for something (when I'm not)?


If what you think about the napolean complex is true, you might just be coming on too strong. When you are meeting new people, try to make an effort to be a little more laid back. You want to make sure you don't make people feel pressure from you especially in the beginning. It could be that one of the ways you deal with anxiety is social situations is by over-sharing or talking to fill any awkward silence (i really don't know). Try and relax, maybe sit back and just let things happen without over exerting yourself.

My best advise when meeting new people is to just be nice. It's the best default move. Also, when meeting girls it's good to leave a little mystery as to who you are! Leaving them wondering a little


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