# She said it's sad



## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

It took place in a therapy session yesterday. She asked me why I wouldn't kill myself. It's not that she's encouraging but she just wants to understand why a person who wants to die wouldn't kill themselves. This is me. I'm basically waiting to die but I won't kill myself. I'm not suicidal. I don't want to do it. She asked me, "Would you kill yourself?" I said, "No." She said, " because...." She continued, " because you have hope. Me: "No.... I'm just waiting to die" She said this is sad. I replied that it's just how I'm feeling. I thought it was kinda funny though, her trying to be positive by saying that I think I might have some hope, but I tell her that I'm just waiting to die. LOL.


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

I think she was trying to get you to see for yourself that the reason you won't kill yourself is that you have some sort of hope or positive outlook buried under the negativity. That is the implication when you said "No".


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## nSpace (Feb 18, 2011)

You want to live but you feel hopeless right? If your going to therapy I suspect it's because you want to get better, not to have someone to hear you complain...


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

nSpace said:


> You want to live but you feel hopeless right? If your going to therapy I suspect it's because you want to get better, not to have someone to hear you complain...


I have the right to complain


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

ShinAkuma said:


> I have the right to complain


True. Sometimes "venting" _is _a way to get better. Talking about your issues over with somebody is better than letting your feelings stay bottled up inside.


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## HackerZC (Jan 2, 2011)

ShinAkuma said:


> I have the right to complain


DAMN STRAIGHT! 
Fact is everyone wants attention and even NEEDS attention. You heard me... I said ATTENTION! Most people will never admit that though... because what is it that everyone usually says any time you try to vent or need someone to use as a sounding board? They accuse you of attention seeking. *rolls eyes*

Anyway I'll break down the whole "why you won't kill yourself" thing. 
So for starters we know you're a fairly intelligent person, because here you are having arrived at this feeling that you are waiting to die. Well how did you get to that point? I'm guessing you took a step back, looked at your life, and ended up having a sort of existential crisis. You HAVE to be pretty insightful and intelligent to think about stuff like that to begin with. I mean most people are so stupid all they care about is who won Dancing with the Stars, or who Justin Bieber knocked up.
Ok so logic says "ok, I'm pretty unmotivated, have nothing to look forward to, maybe a bit depressed... wow this kinda sucks. What the hell am I still doing here?" and bang "kill myself" pops into your head... because let's face it... not only is suicide an effective solution to pretty much any problem you have, but it's sort of like skipping all the crap in the middle of the story and cutting right to the last page to find out "who done it". Plus you sort of have to put the book done eventually, right?
All of a sudden here comes annoying Mr. Self Preservation to ruin the party. Be it genetics (anti-Darwin award), religious beliefs, hope, fear, whatever, you decide you just can't kill yourself... you learn to accept that fact, and bada-bing... you're trapped in this limbo like state where you don't want to be here but you also don't want to end your own life. Total cognitive dissonance. 
You need closure via catharsis but have no idea how to go about it... and queue the shrink.

Tell her all this next time you see her, she'll be all like  then her head will explode.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

DragonFlight777 said:


> What are you in for therapy and what do you wish to resolve through it?


trauma, dissociative disorder, social anxiety, to talk about all of these problems, not to treat them, but still i do practice for social anxiety by recording myself speak and playing it for therapist to hear,


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

ShinAkuma:1059549833 said:


> It took place in a therapy session yesterday. She asked me why I wouldn't kill myself. It's not that she's encouraging but she just wants to understand why a person who wants to die wouldn't kill themselves. This is me. I'm basically waiting to die but I won't kill myself. I'm not suicidal. I don't want to do it. She asked me, "Would you kill yourself?" I said, "No." She said, " because...." She continued, " because you have hope. Me: "No.... I'm just waiting to die" She said this is sad. I replied that it's just how I'm feeling. I thought it was kinda funny though, her trying to be positive by saying that I think I might have some hope, but I tell her that I'm just waiting to die. LOL.


same here


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Do you really want to die? Or is it simply that you don't want to live? I think they are two different things. I often say to myself, when I'm thinking about my life, that I don't want to die but I don't want to live.

The point is that I want an escape from this life. Death seems like the only escape, therefore it is considered, but I never actually want to die. It's confusing, but it's my feelings. Does this sound at all like what you feel?


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

ShinAkuma said:


> t
> rauma, dissociative disorder, social anxiety, to talk about all of these problems, not to treat them, but still i do practice for social anxiety by recording myself speak and playing it for therapist to hear,


Can I ask why you don't want to treat any of these problems? It seems to me that perhaps you would enjoy life more (on a day to day basis) if you started to resolve some of these issues.

I know you and I have gone back and forth about this same thing before, but I can't understand why someone who isn't suicidal but wants to die wouldn't be willing to get help for their problems. Also, and I don't mean this in a rude way or to attack you by any means, but I have always felt that people who complain all the time but refuse to get help really shouldn't be allowed to complain a whole lot. It just seems lazy to me that someone with issues will complain about them for years and years but not get help to make them go away or get better. Complaining is fine, everyone needs to vent, but if you complain about the same things every day for years and refuse to do anything to help yourself than I feel like they really shouldn't be complaining.

Again, I am not attacking you, I just fail to see the thought process behind all of this. I just personally believe you would be a much happier person if you were to deal with these issues and start getting them resolved. Just my opinion though.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Can I ask why you don't want to treat any of these problems? It seems to me that perhaps you would enjoy life more (on a day to day basis) if you started to resolve some of these issues.
> 
> I know you and I have gone back and forth about this same thing before, but I can't understand why someone who isn't suicidal but wants to die wouldn't be willing to get help for their problems. Also, and I don't mean this in a rude way or to attack you by any means, but I have always felt that people who complain all the time but refuse to get help really shouldn't be allowed to complain a whole lot. It just seems lazy to me that someone with issues will complain about them for years and years but not get help to make them go away or get better. Complaining is fine, everyone needs to vent, but if you complain about the same things every day for years and refuse to do anything to help yourself than I feel like they really shouldn't be complaining.
> 
> Again, I am not attacking you, I just fail to see the thought process behind all of this. I just personally believe you would be a much happier person if you were to deal with these issues and start getting them resolved. Just my opinion though.


I get rid of dissociative disorder= WAY WORSE SA, this disorder helps me, I'm not ready to go back to reality, I don't think I will ever be.


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## nSpace (Feb 18, 2011)

People who just want to complain fall into the trap of victim mentality


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Every time my old counselor asked what kept me from killing myself, I feel like it unintentionally encouraged me to die. It's as if to me she were really saying "So why don't you just do it already, if that's what you want?" Obviously not what she meant, but I interpreted it as such in my vulnerable condition.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

ShinAkuma said:


> I get rid of dissociative disorder= WAY WORSE SA, this disorder helps me, I'm not ready to go back to reality, I don't think I will ever be.


So, you feel like you are waiting to die but wont kill yourself and yet wont do anything to help yourself enjoy life a little more? Again, I'm not trying to attack you but it sounds like laziness to me. If you get rid of you dissociative disorder then you can work your SAD and live a somewhat enjoyable life. It's tough, but it sure as hell beats just waiting around to die and complaining about it.

It just seems to me that you either just want to complain for the rest of your life or you are seeking some sort of reassurance here that avoidance is the best way to deal with this. The fact is that if you are comfortable the way your life is then by all means continue to live it this way. BUT, I feel that if you are unhappy and "waiting to die" than you should do something to better your situation.

Again, not attacking you. I just think dealing with all of these issues head on will eventually make you a happier person. And if you refuse to do this, then it is my opinion that no one will feel bad for you when you complain.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Also, let me just clarify that I am not trying to attack you or say you can't do what you want. I just know that when I get into one of my "moods" or whatever you want to call it nothing seems to be a good choice and I just let myself sit there paralyzed. Sometimes I can snap out of it but a lot of times I need someone to kind of kick me in the butt to get moving and start making changes. Like I said, I think that if you are happy this way than by all means continue on living your life as it is, but if you would like to look forward to the next day, to feel like there's a reason to wake up, then I suggest you start working on these problems one by one. It wont be overnight, but I do think that in the long run your will have a much more enjoyable life.


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