# Schemas - The Entitlement Lifetrap



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Try this questionnaire.

I predict it will be THE LEAST popular self-diagnostic questionnaire ever posted. Liebowitz? Love it. Beck Depression? Where can I enter the scoring competition? "How screwed up are you?" Am I in the lead? Only 'very high' and not 'severe' ??? Entitlement? Errrr ... no thanks ...

Its always easy to score a "I have so much anxiety and Im depressed, everyone hates me, its not fair" type questrionnaire. The ones that let you feel like a victim. But sometimes there are issues in peoples lives that keep them stuck - but arent so easy to look at. The ones that really, you probably wouldnt even want other people on this site to know about. The Entitlement Schema is one of those - it has the pwer to keep you VERY VERY UNHAPPY FOR A VERY LONG TIME - but shame, offence and denial can stop you looking at it. If you are ready to take a look into the darker side of your personality, keep on reading...

If you have this schema, the chances are the reason you are having trouble with people is because they may see you as arrogant, aloof, cold, entitled, conceited, rude or obnoxious. The schema may be a compensation for feeling bad - but unfortunately other people dont see that. However - you may not see it either - you may feel just as defective, unworthy and unloved as everyone else.

Solve this one and you may find your life changes utterly. Once again - score it with 1 = not me at all, 6 = describes me perfectly, and all ranges in between.

Try to see if perhaps you feel these ARE true of you but you feel too ashamed, or are in 'victim mode' - to see it. Look out for rationalisations - "yeah I do feel that but its because of x. y and z and what so and so did to me and how people treat me". This makes it MORE LIKELY that it applies to you. _If it applies - score it._

180. _____ I have a lot of trouble accepting "no" for an answer when I want something from other people.

181. _____ I often get angry or irritable if I can't get what I want.

182. _____ I'm special and shouldn't have to accept many of the restrictions placed on other people.

183. _____ I hate to be constrained or kept from doing what I want.

184. _____ I feel that I shouldn't have to follow the normal rules and conventions other people do.

185. _____ I feel that what I have to offer is of greater value than the contributions of others.

186. _____ I usually put my needs ahead of the needs of others.

187. _____ I often find that I am so involved in my own priorities that I don't have time to give to friends or family.

188. _____ People often tell me I am very controlling about the ways things are done.

189. _____ I get very irritated when people won't do what I ask of them.

190. _____ I can't tolerate other people telling me what to do.

3 or more 5's or 6's is significant in this schema.

10. ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY (ET)



> The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants, regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable, or the cost to others; OR an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) -- in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of, others: asserting one's power, forcing one's point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one's own desires---without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings


If you get to the end of this post, find you have the schema, and then think "OK SMARTASS - now tell me what to DO about it" ... then think about what you've just been reading .... take a deep breath ... and go look at http://www.schematherapy.com or look up Reinventing Your Life on Amazon. Time to help yourself - others wont always be there to do it.


----------



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Goals are the same... just different means, attitudes and ambitions.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I had three 4's, but at the same time, half of my responses were either 1 or 2. This one is not in my majors, but it might still have a role to play from time to time.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

man this sounds like a lot of self esteem issues. but anyways thanks for the insightful and intelligent post by Ross. I wish I could work on all this on my own but may have to travel cross country for therapy.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Self-esteem is a lot more broad than this, but it could certainly have an effect on self-esteem (or vice-versa), yeah.


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Poor self esteem would be the boat that sinks

Schemas would be the woodworm that made the holes


----------



## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

Why do you think it would be the least popular ? I love it because I am quite like that. And I think most of these problems or "schemas" can be overcome by learning to lower one's level of pride and be humble and forgiving of others.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Pinzelhead said:


> Why do you think it would be the least popular ? I love it because I am quite like that. And I think most of these problems or "schemas" can be overcome by learning to lower one's level of pride and be humble and forgiving of others.


In my case, neither pride nor a lack of forgivingness is perpetuating my schemas. Those are distinct issues. The perpetuation is a learned, systematic pattern of how I react to similar situations over time, going back a long, long time.


----------



## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

Fair enough. I guess it depends on what sort of problem were talking about.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Those that use the overcompensation coping strategy might possibly have big problems with pride or being generally unforgiving to others (depending on the situation/schema), but even if they stop that, they might just move to the surrender or avoidance coping strategies and still not address the schema itself.


----------



## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

WOW! When I read your post I just saw one of my own schemas in action. Cooooool man!


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

WOW, cool!


----------



## lucodu (Apr 4, 2009)

This questionnaire appears useful and accurate. Based on the sample you provided, I assume the questionnaire measures other aspects of self? If so, I would be interested in doing the whole questionnaire, as I am looking for tools to help understand my self better, and further my personal growth. Can you tell me how to find the rest of the questionnaire (and how is it called)? Thanks.

lucodu


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

you can find more information about schemas lifetraps from a book called: "Reinventing your life," by Dr. Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. Or find a Schema therapist who specializes in the therpay.


----------



## Flyingman123 (Jan 5, 2015)

Hi this very topical I scored 57 out if 60. This life trap has destroyed my life but recently having got sights on it it's time for change. 

It's interesting how it can feel good. But it's only after a problem that I can see it's happened some times.


----------

