# positive thinking....



## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

wow...im surprised im actually posting in this thread.....wierd.....

but i dont know, i have been thinkin positivly though lol....ive just been tryna stay busy and not sit and mossy around thinkin of "what to do"....that **** gets on my nerves....and i finally got another job that i start tomorrow, which is tight, cause i will get some cheese  (lol, i call money, cheese, cause i think its funny)....

but, really, ive been just sayin that theres nothing wrong with me...im just shy, but ive always been shy, and im just sick of sitting all day worrying about how my head is ****ed up, why am i this way....im sick of that ****....and thats why ive just been tryna stay busy, like clean around my room or do some laundry or some ****, work out, just keep my mind accupied so im not thinking about how my hands sweat and how i blush sometimes.....****s dumb....**** it all  ....and thats how my positive thinkin works.......


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Hey that's great Nate. Keep up the positive thinking. Good luck on the job and hopefully you'll get the "cheese"! 

Hope all is well and best wishes,
Gerard


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

thanks...im just tryna hang in there....


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

man...ive read around on other peoples vents and all that....and ive realized that we all think unrationally, really....cause we all think that everyone is cretiqueing us like we have something wrong with us....when really, in all actuallity, they dont....its like our heads are telling us something that isnt true, and we believe it like its true....which makes me believe, that if we can believe the whole world is against us, why cant we just flip our thoughts completely opposite??...i mean, i know that you dont just wake up one morning and change your whole thought process, but i think that if we all make steps to greater our self being, then we can start thinking rationally again....like, if we up our confidence by doing things that make us happy, even if its by ourselves....instead of just sitting and thinking of how stupid we are, or how other people think were stupid....like, keep'n your mind occupied....i honestly think that working helps "SA"....cause then your mind is working on what to do, instead of just sitting there thinking about how there judging us...i dont know if people get me, but i mean, thats just the way i see it...and i believe it...cause im just sick of thinking the way that i have...if i see someone look at me, i already know, that, they either.....like what they see  lol, are jelous of me, or your ****in gay or somethin...sorry for the rash statement, but whatever....

but...im just tired of thinking non rational...i just gotta stay occupied, and just keep moving...cause humans are not independent creatures....we have familys, were cummunitive, and thats just human nature, were not meant to not have interactions with each other, communication is what makes the world go round....cause if you cant communicate, you cant get your point accross, you cant work together to accomplish anything...i mean, independence is good to a point....but sooner or later you have to have interactions with other humans, its just what humans do...its what we do....i dont know....im done rambling....


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

i definitly agree with what you are saying. we spend so much time thinking about how other people are gonna see us and in reality, no one ends up seeing us. i mean, who remembers some person they saw at the grocery store who seemed wierd? nobody. i dont. yet its little things like this that get to us.. thats my main problem with SA. even though i can see that rationally, my fears make no sense, i cant always act that way.

i was thinking about how much this has really affected my life. if you think about it, you really can do whatever you want (within reason), but because we all are constantly afraid of what others will see and think, we dont do a lot of what we could do. if you really just put your head down, ignored what others thought and went for something, you would probably get it. but a lot of us (including me) seem to give up as soon things dont really work out.

i heard this quote the other day and i really liked it. i cant remember it exactly but it was something like, "if you have no enemy inside you, then the enemy outside of you can do you no harm." i like it cuz its true. i constantly judge myself thru other's eyes and then doubt myself when confidence is all im really lacking.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

yea...thats true...

but when you see someone that you think looks wierd, you think that no matter what....no one in there right mind would hold it against you, cause its nothin to hold against someone, but again, some people do, but thats only there problem, not ours, we just try to make it our problem, which is rediculous if you ask me.....i never really thought that i was thinking that people judged me, but then i realized, that i was, and it was like i was scared that they were thinking of me or somethin, which is just stupid to me.....the only reason i would doubt myself is when someone would say i couldnt do it or somethin, and thats what i started to believe honestly, and if no one ever said anything insulting or something to bring me down, i would never doubt myself, ever, but some one has to make fun of you, its just life, we have to just accept what life is, its like we're afraid of the truth....i just thought that everyone was critiquing me, which is pretty much true....but then, i began thinking it was human nature, which it is, cause i constantly judge someone by there look, like if i think they look funny, attractive, ugly, goofy, whatever.....i just judge 'em, and thats just what people do...and it seemed to me, that i was just afriad to be human, i was scared, i dont know....im not sayin that im "SA" free or somethin, but i would say i have less anxiety...cause i do got a job, and im around people all day, and we have to comunicate to get things done....but i still feel that **** inside me when i get nervous, then i feel like im blushing, and my hands sweat and all that, but thats really not that embarassing unless you think it is....and i believe that we all just think way too much, thats why i like to stay busy most the time, i love to play basketball which is good, and i just feel i have too work so my mind is accupied on working, and makeing money and staying alive really....im just tryna stay worried on what i really want, and if somethin good falls in my lap, it does...but im just tryna keep my mind workin, its not like i can get over this dumb **** over night, its gonna take time, and the first place is our mind, so im just try'n somethin, and i think its helping....cause its just human, humans get nervous all the time, its human nature, but then we dwell over how nervous we get, and we think about it way too much so its always on our mind, then we just naturally become nervous all the time, which is just us think'n that, i believe its what mind frame your in......

and you said you give up easaly....thats just somethin you cant do, your say'n that you just picked up a book in preschool and just started reading shakespear??....i dont meen to put it like that, but you cant expect to be able to do somethin the first time you ever try, your gonna make mistakes, its human nature, and some people just catch on quicker than others, and we may even think they get it way quicker than others, which may be true....but then theres someone who picks up a talent with ease, then they try somethin else, and cant do ****....we all got somethin we like to do that were good at, and you gotta just love what your good at and live life around it....even if your good at somethin you think other people will laugh at...we're all just afraid to get up and do what we want to do, and we say the anxiety holds us back, which is true, but only in social enviorments, not everything is social, alot of things arent, actions speak much louder than words, and if we all start doing the right actions, i think we'll start think'n less about what other people think of us, cause when doing the right actions, respect is going to come, respect for yourself from yourself, and then from others...i dont think my anxiety will ever go away fully, but i cant make it a big deal, cause really its nothin....

i think the biggests issue with alot of people with "SA" is blushing, but blushing really doesnt look bad, you just got redish cheeks, which can look good, but we take it like its so embarassing, then turn completely red, which then you just feel ashamed and isolated and dont wanna say ****....i just think it takes time, and worrying about whats infront of you, not behind you.....

i really dont know how to put it...its just the way im think'n.....

and if someone wants to think otherwise about what you think, **** 'em....

and this is a long post lol......


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

yea, thats true. it is human to judge other people by how they look. but you dont remember that person. ive seen plenty of people who dressed wierd (IMO) but its not like i remember that person.. a cashier wont remember how some person paying for groceries seemed all nervous and dropped there wallet or something. and it seems like too often situations similar to this get to us.

And when i said i give up easily i didnt mean it the way you interpretted it. i meant socially. like if say i like a girl and i try to talk to her but she doesnt seem too interested, i get embarassed and give up. or if im around friends and say something and say someone's like "thats stupid" i feel like an idiot and a complete failure because of one little comment. little things like that result in me givin up because im afraid to let people see me struggle..

in other ways, i really can be the most determined person. i am good at skateboarding.. not bragging or anything, but i really am good at it. but when i was beggining i was afraid to let people see me struggle so i would skate by myself til i got confident enough to skate around others. i think thats one of my problems. im afraid to let others see me struggle.. even though i learn things pretty quickly. im afraid to show weakness because i feel like people will look at me with pity or think im wierd... i guess thats why i got SA atleast..

but i think that basically finding anything to occupy your time is good. like work and basketball keeps your mind off stuff. for me, work helps (im around lots of people so i have to socialize which is helpin me talk more) and skating too. although i think it really is good to have these things in your life, i dont think you should be too dependent on them.. like me, i hurt my knee a year ago. no skating or working for me for 6 months. i got quite depressed (went on medication for the only time in my life) and i have never been so unhappy.

i guess what im trying to say is that that distracting can definitely help, but may not solve the problem. like when i hurt my knee, i took painkillers. i didnt notice my knee as much but its not like they helped it get better.. just made it easier for me to deal with it. doing things you love is a great escape from life but you still have to address these problems.

i dunno. i guess thats just what i think.. but thats just for me - everyones SA is different. for me, i tried escaping my problems through distractions for a good 5 years. now i look at it and realize how much i have missed out on for ignoring my problems. instead of working against it, i escaped it and now its worse. like instead of struggling socializing, i just avoided it to the point where i lost contact with the few friends i had and just did my own thing (skating, working, school).

kinda went off rambling, but thats just my opinion.. i dont know.. i guess i just feel that i need to address my fear and face it instead of playing it safe like i have.. i dont know if that makes sense but i dunno. its like taking that first leap off a bridge over water. the first one your terrified and shaky but after you do it once, you realize its really not that bad and the times after arent as bad. i dunno..


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

yea...

but the way your thinkin, your sayin that "SA" is your life, and skateing and make'n money and education is on the side, and thats understandable...i thought the same way, with basketball, i thought it was my life, then i would think that i couldnt talk to no one and i was a loser, and when i would talk i would blush and get extremely embarrased, and i thought that was my life, and i was just working around "SA".....

but im just tryna start thinking different....its not like im trying to escape my anxiety....im just tryna let it go, im not in denial, i know i have a problem, but im not gonna let my life circle around it....ima live the life i want, and let my anxiety circle around my life....i feel like my anxiety is on the side, and what i do in life i do in life....to me, my life is working, playing basketball, and being happy....and everything else really doesnt matter....

yea, i know what your sayin with females....you talk to a girl, get embarrased and dont wanna say nothin....but i mean, thats just the past with me, ive talked to girls, whatever, have'nt gottin embarrased, then have....but im not even focused on girls no more, or social events, i could care less, if either one happens to come along, its whatever....cause im not the type to "spit game", maybe its lack of, maybe its cause i really dont care.....cause ive met a few, somethin couldve happend, but i never had the balls to ask....but thats done, and i never asked for it, it was just placed infront of me....i just believe if something is gonna happ'n, it will happ'n, no matter what.....this whole **** is just mind boggling.....

all im sayin is this...

im done living with this **** on my back all day...and im just taking steps to make it go away...im tired of the beliefe of me being "****ed up in the head"....and even if i do blush, its only me who can be embarrased from it, and only if i think it...im tired of thinking that way....cause its normal, everyone blush's, maybe not as frequently, but ****....i just really dont care, im done think'n the way i have, that my life is nothing but a joke, i have no life, ima loser, im just sick of those thoughts, and the only way i know how to get them out of my head is staying active so that im not think'n about it....and i believe that over time, everything will be fine with me....i just think that if i was able to think that i was at rock bottom, i accomplished nothing out of life, when i have, i then convinsed myself i was worthless....why cant i convinse myself im not a loser, when im actually not, why cant i convinse myself im just fine.....why cant i look in the mirror and love myself instead of looking in the mirror and hating myself....theres no real reason why i cant....i just believe its all in my mind....its however i wanna think, and i just believe it.....


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

i see what your saying. and i think that it could definitely work out for you. i guess it really just depends on the person.. for me, i wouldnt say that makin money, school and skating are on the side, they really are what i am into, but my anxiety affects them. i decided to just ignore my anxiety and now i think its kinda caught up with me because - despite the fact i have a good job, do well in school, and have fun skating - i am not content. i dont wanna keep doing things the way i am and i need to make some decisions and it causes me anxiety. plus i havent really gotten comfortable in my own skin i guess. but the way you sound. you sound happy for what you got which is definitely a good outlook to have. its much better to stay optimistic no matter what the situation is. it may sound like i am a total pessimist from the way i post but i really am not. i had a great day today was really in a good mood.. the thing is, my life varies. i will have things to do and friends to hang out with, even dates at times and i really like it.. but then theres times where i got nothing to do and am lonely and bored. and much of the times i am alone and bored, i get depressed and the reason i have nothing is because i distanced myself from past friends so now i dont really have any close friends.. its basically the stability i miss and causes me anxiety. ups and downs.. i feel lost at times and yet so comfortable and happy at others..

because of all that is basically why i wish i had faced my anxiety long ago because i would not have done the things i did. i wouldnt have turned my back on friends the way i did. i would have let myself be seen for who i was and if they were really my friends then they wouldnt have cared (and i know they wouldnt have). but instead i pushed away and fought. i never really let any of my close friends that close to me and i never tried to hangout with them. now i miss it and have the same problems.. its even harder for me to let people see the real me.. and so thats why my opinion is what it is. i agree that it is better to stay positive and to not let this stuff get to you and i try to on a daily basis. i am constantly trying to keep myself from getting down on myself or upset but its not always easy. at the same time, i think its important to be aware of what your anxiety is really doing to you. your anxiety doesnt seem to affect you as much as mine did. you are able to live with it and if thats the case then you can probably just keep on doin what your doin til it just becomes background noise. for me, it made me act in ways i never would rationally which is why i wish i had dealt with it then.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

yea, anxiety is just bull ****, i do stay optomistic, cause theres always someone who just works there *** off, then at the end, everthing works out, you always here about somethin like that lol...and thats pretty much why i wont give up....i just believe its mind frame, cause my anxiety is there, but i figure that its no pain no gain, and it'll just take time.....


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