# What do you think of online long distance relationships?



## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

Have you experienced it? How was it?


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

bad idea!


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

Mine went to hell in a handbasket after a certain point, but it was not because it was long distance. I'm for it, I feel that there is nothing wrong with it in principle. I'm certain it can work if the people are right for each other. But you have to be willing to meet before long and eventually one has to move closer, because you can't sustain a LDR forever.


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Hell no! Unless the person lives reasonably close by.


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## mrfixit (Jun 25, 2009)

waste of time, and not only that, it takes something from you. heck, it was not even long distance, she lived in my city but i hanged around until she was READY to meet. but she never was and i ended up loosing a part of myself there.

so i don't recommend it. 

to be really honest, that's looser material.


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

Yeah, ditto. At least for me, a lot of the enjoyment of being in a relationship is being physically close to the person and being able to actually do stuff together in real life. But, I guess it's better than nothing, and if nothing else it can lead to something better.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Online dating is just like "real life" dating. Most lead nowhere, while a few do.
You can't know how two people will adjust from talking online, to talking face to face. 
You'll learn more about a person once you do meet face to face but it's not really much different than being asked out by a random stranger, going on a few dates, and realizing there is nothing there.
I'm sure it helps to meet face to face as quickly as possible.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

the cheat said:


> Online dating is just like "real life" dating. Most lead nowhere, while a few do.
> You can't know how two people will adjust from talking online, to talking face to face.
> You'll learn more about a person once you do meet face to face but it's not really much different than being asked out by a random stranger, going on a few dates, and realizing there is nothing there.
> I'm sure it helps to meet face to face as quickly as possible.


While it's true that it's not the same as meeting in person to begin with, I have to disagree about it being like being asked out by a random stranger. These days you can get on video and talk to each other face to face over the internet. I think you can form a strong bond from afar if you really feel a connection and your personalities match and you enjoy each other's company. You can learn a lot about each other even if you aren't together physically. There are a ton of things that can go wrong of course (just like any relationship) and in some ways it will be more difficult than a "normal" relationship, but I think it's going too far to say that it can never work or that once you decide to meet it will be like two strangers meeting.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Deathinmusic said:


> While it's true that it's not the same as meeting in person to begin with, I have to disagree about it being like being asked out by a random stranger. These days you can get on video and talk to each other face to face over the internet. I think you can form a strong bond from afar if you really feel a connection and your personalities match and you enjoy each other's company. You can learn a lot about each other even if you aren't together physically. There are a ton of things that can go wrong of course (just like any relationship) and in some ways it will be more difficult than a "normal" relationship, but I think it's going too far to say that it can never work or that once you decide to meet it will be like two strangers meeting.


I agree. In fact, I'm one of the people who thinks it's even better than asking out a random stranger.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

All my boyfriends including the one I ended up marrying have been from online dating. A few were long distance. They worked ok but it's just not a practical long term solution. If you don't care about time length and just want to enjoy it as long as it lasts then it can work out well. In my case one very long distance relationship (900miles apart) was great while it was long distance. He turned in to a psychopath after he moved here and we'd lived together awhile. It's hard to really know someone when you just spent a week every few months visiting each other. The other was moderately long distance. He was on the other end of the state and drove to my house nearly every weekend. It wasn't a bad experience I just wasn't that serious about the relationship and he had decided we belonged together for life. Getting rid of him was difficult but made easier by the fact he was farther away and didn't have the money to just drop in randomly unless I told him I wanted to see him all weekend.

I can't say I've had any worse experiences online dating than my sister has had meeting every guy in person first. Everyone makes a few mistakes and most have a psychotic ex story. It's pretty inevitable. You have to learn and mature the hard way.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm in a long distance/online relationship (with someone from this site though he hasn't posted in a long time) and have been for about a year now. We have met about 5 times and really get on well together and I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. I've never met anyone else I liked and now love as much either. 

In alot of cases online/long distance relationships are better then the real thing. You get to really know the person by talking to them. With real life theres so many things to do that people don't really bother with deep conversations. You also have a wider pool to select from if you don't limit yourself by distance, thus giving you a better chance of finding someone compatible. 

Only downside is not getting to see each other that often, but I'd rather be with someone I love and that is compatible then some local guy that I'm sure wouldn't be, because lets face it most people just aren't right for each other.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

With all said, I still think you can build something online, okay, you don't exactly go in with the idea of having a relationship, but you certainly CAN have an online friendship, at least. 

With a friendship it can be decided from there if you'd like to meet them, and from there of course other things may develop.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

I tried it and it is kind of lacking. I prefer in-person, whether at study areas or work or some other avenue to meet others.


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## Georgina 22 (Jan 4, 2009)

Currently in an online relatioship with someone from Australia from this site...and i am from UK...long distance indeed! but our distance doesn't affect us and we are meeting each other in about 3 weeks time. He's coming over to stay with me. And when we are apart we have skype and texting etc to keep in contact.

Some people would probably say we should call it off because of our distance but we aren't going to ruin a relationship just because of the distance between us.

Long distance relationships are fine if you plan on meeting up with each other, if you aren't then whats the point


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I don't know and I haven't really tried any yet,but I think that it can be done if contact and the connection is there.These days it certainly is easier since you actually can see eachother all though for me at least I would miss the actual face to face contact.Psycical contact is a pretty huge part of a relationship for me so meet ups would be required lol.
But regular contact and not to mention trust is very important.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

I would probably just keep it at a friendship level, and if that went well, then arrange to meet in person and see how that went, and then only go ahead with a relationship if it went well AND one of us was willing to move. 

The idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone really far away is not appealing to me at all.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I believe it can work as long as you chat online most days and meet at regular intervals. However, if you're looking for something serious at the end of it you should try and gauge how willing the other person is to take it to the next level as soon as you feel its appropriate, otherwise they might string you along and eventually the distance will kill the relationship.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

mrfixit said:


> waste of time, and not only that, it takes something from you. heck, it was not even long distance, she lived in my city but i hanged around until she was READY to meet. but she never was and i ended up loosing a part of myself there.
> 
> so i don't recommend it.
> 
> to be really honest, that's looser material.


Not really. My last relationship was long distance and it didnt work out, but there were lots of good memories and positives i could take out of it that are giving me confidence in terms of how to handle future relationships.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Online long distance as in you met online and maintain it online? I've seen it work once. They chatted online for seven years. On the eighth year they declared their love for one another, the guy flew to meet the girl and five months later they were married. I don't think they've been apart a day since he flew to her (they now live in his country). They've been married for a year and a half now and seem very, very happy. 

(he's 22, she's 24)


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I honestly wouldn't recommend it unless your so shy that its the only type of relationship you can have. I've done it and enjoyed it at the time but I doubt I would try again. I think that one time was all I had in me. But I would still do it over again because it did bring me some happiness into my crap life.


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## mardy423 (Aug 27, 2008)

I know this all to well. 
Back in 2005 I joined an online support group on yahoo. Well a girl on there started chatting with me, we hit it off really well and we had a lot in common. We chatted off and on for a few months till one day in Feb of 06 she decided to give me her phone number so we could just call when ever we wanted to talk. So i called her that night and we talked and at first it felt wierd to be talking and actually hearing each others voice. i have a southern accent, she had a northern one. We did this for a few months till about June of 06, we decided to meet. She flew down for a week that summer, my family really liked her, and she really liked me. lol. anyways. After she left, we went back to just talking on the phone. In December of 06, i thought it would be nice to see her for the holidays, so i flew up to see her and meet her family. I really liked it up there, the north is so different from the south in the US. I came back home in Jan of 07, and was back to talking on the phone with her. Well, she came to see me that Easter. brought me a stuffed bunny and some candy. Met even more of my family. She left, but in June, her family invited me to move up there with them all, so i was like "heck yes!" I was so happy. I got a decent job, became a state resident in her state, was so so happy to finally have something going for me. My SA at this time had pretty much gone away. I was confidnet, had friends, a job, a life, everything i had always wanted. Well, that soon changed, i took a vaction a year after i movied up there, we both came and visted my family in the south. My family was amazed at how much i had changed in the year of being gone. They were happy that i was happy. Well, my gf, turns out, wasnt happy at all, which i soon realized. She ended up just dumping me infront of my whole family. She told me the only reason she thought it would be a good idea to visit was so she could bring me back here and leave me here. Let me tell you...it hurt so much. I didnt see it coming. Later I asked why she was unhappy, she said she only stayed with me because she felt sorry for me. She said it was just time for her to move on in her life and that i really done nothing wrong, it was just time to end it. That was 2 years ago. I have gone from being happy to being majorly depressed and my SA has returned ever so slowly. Sometimes, i think back, and i see how happy i was and i see where i am now and i get really, really bitter.

Point of my story is: At first it might seem alright, but in the long run, it's not worth it.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

It will only work if you meet up in real life in person.

Otherwise, forget about it.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

mardy423 said:


> My family was amazed at how much i had changed in the year of being gone. They were happy that i was happy. Well, my gf, turns out, wasnt happy at all, which i soon realized. She ended up just dumping me infront of my whole family. She told me the only reason she thought it would be a good idea to visit was so she could bring me back here and leave me here.


Aw man, that sucks!


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

tried it. just caused me heartache and major cash depletion. best off stick'in to the locals.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

LostPancake said:


> I would probably just keep it at a friendship level, and if that went well, then arrange to meet in person and see how that went, and then only go ahead with a relationship if it went well AND one of us was willing to move.


This is quite a logical idea, and should be practiced by all who are interested in online long distance relationships. You never REALLY know the person without meeting them. The other thing is most times you are experiencing feelings that are new and good and all, and you don't want to lose it, but without meeting someone, it is impossible for you to exhibit and witness that emotion they want to share with you. You don't want to create fantasies in your head about how someone is and will be if you have never met in person.


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

I tried it. Sort of. It didn't go very well.

---removed---
TLDR: We talked online for two years before trading phone numbers. I called him a few times but he never wanted to talk to me. and some other drama.

I'm not sure if I would try online dating after that horrible failed attempt. but because of this, I'm way too critical of any guy who shows interest in me.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

As long as you know that you will meet at some point there is nothing wrong with it. I agree that it gives you time to get to know the person at a deeper level through communication.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

There are positives and negatives to online, long distance relationships. It definitely has its unique challenges, but it's not impossible.


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## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

seafolly said:


> Online long distance as in you met online and maintain it online? I've seen it work once. They chatted online for seven years. On the eighth year they declared their love for one another, the guy flew to meet the girl and five months later they were married. I don't think they've been apart a day since he flew to her (they now live in his country). They've been married for a year and a half now and seem very, very happy.
> 
> (he's 22, she's 24)


That is nice


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## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

smalltowngirl said:


> There are positives and negatives to online, long distance relationships. It definitely has its unique challenges, but it's not impossible.


 very true.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

It works. It's hard as hell, but it can work. It takes so, so, SO much patience, and you have to be 10000% sure that person is right for you and no one else would be. There are a lot of advantages to them, too, that have already been mentioned here.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

i guess it worked for some... but for me, it would be too much frustration and require commitments i can't make, so big no-no


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

If I connect with someone pretty well online, I'm open to seeing where it can go! There's a risk there, but there's risk if they live nearby. Either way, if I invest my time/energy into it, and it doesn't work out, I'm going to be hurt.


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## shale (Jul 24, 2010)

I think I've kind of settled on it as my best option since I have never been able to approach a girl on my own in person without being drunk.


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## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

ohpewp said:


> It works. It's hard as hell, but it can work. It takes so, so, SO much patience, and you have to be 10000% sure that person is right for you and no one else would be. There are a lot of advantages to them, too, that have already been mentioned here.


Uggh, yeah it is hard, im asking because I am kinda in one, and it is hard, but I do have patience, I think :S


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, NEVER AGAIN!

The guy I was in an online "relationship" with claimed to have feelings for me. Then one day, he wasn't there for our usual chat. Or the next. I never heard from him for...wait for it...four months! Four months. I went crazy. I got depressed and stopped eating. I sent him countless emails, wondering if he was ok. I got no emails, no anything, not even an offline message letting me know he was still alive. I finally cut him out of my life a little while after that, woke up and realized I needed a real guy. Funny thing is, he contacted me earlier this year and said it was MY fault the "relationship" ended. *facepalm*

I was young, naive and will never go down that path again. I was SO stupid. I definitely learned my lesson. :no


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## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

heyJude said:


> Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, NEVER AGAIN!
> 
> The guy I was in an online "relationship" with claimed to have feelings for me. Then one day, he wasn't there for our usual chat. Or the next. I never heard from him for...wait for it...four months! Four months. I went crazy. I got depressed and stopped eating. I sent him countless emails, wondering if he was ok. I got no emails, no anything, not even an offline message letting me know he was still alive. I finally cut him out of my life a little while after that, woke up and realized I needed a real guy. Funny thing is, he contacted me earlier this year and said it was MY fault the "relationship" ended. *facepalm*
> 
> I was young, naive and will never go down that path again. I was SO stupid. I definitely learned my lesson. :no


I think im gonna be in the same situation, i hate it, but i cannot just stop, im almost addicted to this person, and its just weird. ITs not like me.


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## shale (Jul 24, 2010)

heyJude said:


> Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, NEVER AGAIN!
> 
> The guy I was in an online "relationship" with claimed to have feelings for me. Then one day, he wasn't there for our usual chat. Or the next. I never heard from him for...wait for it...four months! Four months. I went crazy. I got depressed and stopped eating. I sent him countless emails, wondering if he was ok. I got no emails, no anything, not even an offline message letting me know he was still alive. I finally cut him out of my life a little while after that, woke up and realized I needed a real guy. Funny thing is, he contacted me earlier this year and said it was MY fault the "relationship" ended. *facepalm*
> 
> I was young, naive and will never go down that path again. I was SO stupid. I definitely learned my lesson. :no


Unfortunately that happens quite a bit in person too. You just have to be picky about who you trust.


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## RainbowOcean (Jul 30, 2010)

Stilla said:


> OMG!!!! That sounds so similar to my experience  it sucks going through that...
> 
> I wish I could get someone irl but everytime a guy starts flirting with me I start to get soo anxious.
> And they start saying stuff like you look so uncomfortable do you think I'm gonna hurt you stuff like that. It's really embarassing. I don't think I could deal with it at this time in my life.
> ...


LOL, thanks. I am so confused, i dont think it will work though.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Not much. I'm still waiting on penelope cruz to answer an email from last year.

Too much hassle to make them work imo. Ya need to be able to meet up and tickle each others tonsils from time to time.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

RainbowOcean said:


> Have you experienced it? How was it?


Yes, I have two times. Once back in 2002-2003, I met a woman living in Australia online. We corresponded intensely by email, IM, and phone calls, before I went to meet her there 4 months later. She was my girlfriend for a year. We spent a month together in Australia and she made 2 long trips to NYC to see me.

Then, starting in October, 2006, I corresponded intensely with my wife who was then in the midwest. 2 1/2 months later we met face-to-face and are still together.

Key IMO is having a good BS detector and knowing the right questions to ask to assess compatibility.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I'll let you know in a year.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

RainbowOcean said:


> Have you experienced it?


Yes.


> How was it?


Started good, ended badly, regret it.


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## sociallyretarded (Aug 3, 2010)

I think they can work out under the right conditions. My cousin met a guy online who lived in a different country, they're now married and have a daughter. 
Well, I have been in a tiny online long distance relationship. It was on a game that I used to play, I met this guy from Alberta and he said he liked me and it sort of went from there on. But that was like, 3 years ago and we don't talk anymore.


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## sara01 (Feb 4, 2010)

oh yeah, it's possible. For some people. Personally if it works, I'd give it a try! Never done it before though  although I have done a long distance relationship. It lasted for almost two years, but we were just very different people. I'm actually about to go to a friend's wedding where they did long distance for five years, so it works for some people!


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Back in the days of snail-mail, sex was difficult and slow. But now, oh...its still difficult and slow.


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## madsv (Mar 19, 2010)

Online relationships can work, but you need to meet up with each other soon after you start talking.

I met my fianceé online and I am living with her in Brazil now so it is possible but you have to work for it


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

They don't work for me.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

I think online relationships suck. Its okay for friendships, but not being involved. I just cant get past the part of not seeing them in real life.


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

Mercurochrome said:


> Back in the days of snail-mail, sex was difficult and slow. But now, oh...its still difficult and slow.


:lol


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

My opinion of them (having never had one myself) is that whilst they generally require a lot of effort and a certain set of conditions/type of person to be able to deal with the problems they can give rise to (lack of physical interaction, commitment to stay in touch regularly etc.) and so in a lot of cases are doomed to fail, they can still sometimes work out. Every once in a while you'll hear of a case where a couple have been happily together for x amount of years after having started out (or still continuing) as a long distance relationship, so that's a reminder that they don't always end badly. 

I'm not sure that I'm the kind of person that would be suited to something long-distance myself, though. I think it would start out fine, but then a few months down the line the cracks may inevitably start to appear.


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