# Finally a step in the right direction/observations



## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

Tuesday night the 'check engine' light comes on in my car. Great. "my baby" only has 4400 miles and is already apparently sick. I already dread the call to the dealership the next day, but I intentionally keep my mind preoccupied so I don't obsess about it too badly. Wednesday comes and as soon as I wake up I intentionally dial the phone number and hit 'send' as quick as possible before I can back out. A girl from the service department takes my call and I tell her whats happening. She worked there 2 years ago when I bought the car and actually remembers me...or at least remembers the car. :lol Anyway, we make a little small talk and I get an appointment to get my car checked out this morning (Thursday). After I hang up, I realize that somewhere between telling her my problem and her remembering me, that I forgot to be scared or nervous. An actual NORMAL phone call. The old friendly, funny, kinda flirty me just appeared out of nowhere.

So this morning comes. I'm a little nervous about having to deal with the service department, but absolutely determined that I am going to continue my progress from yesterday. On the way there I stop to get gas. Taking the gas cap off, I realize it wasn't on there correctly. I fill 'er up, put the cap on correctly this time , and sure enough, the 'check engine' light goes off. While I am ecstatic that my baby is NOT sick, I'm almost a little disappointed that I now have nothing to do as I cancel my appointment - but again another EASY phone call. 

I need new shoes, so I decide to go shopping which is a MAJOR ordeal for me. I decide to challenge myself and go to the mall instead of some dinky out-of-the-way shoestore. When I first walked in, I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED, but I was not gonna give in today. I decided to just walk around a bit until I calmed down a little. I noticed I had to really concentrate on my breathing, otherwise I wouldn't breath at all and it felt like my heart was gonna come out of my chest. The whole time I'm talking, well kinda arguing with myself. I had quite the convo going on inside my head, "You're gonna do something stupid", "don't embarrass yourself dumbass", "get the HELL out of here NOW", etc etc etc. I finally get my breathing down to normal and just basically decide this - even if I embarrass myself, I'm just gonna roll with it and see what happens.

In Dillards I find a couple of shirts and a pair of pants I like. Clothes fit me weird (maybe everyone is like this?) but sometimes a Large shirt fits fine and sometimes its too small. Usually I just buy them without trying them on, but when they don't fit, I don't have the courage to return them. Today I decide to be really brave and actually try them on first. I don't see a dressing room close so I ask (another shocker) the sales guy if there is one nearby. Of course, I'm standing about 3 feet away from it when I ask...its right in front of me! For some reason though, I was a little embarrassed, but it didn't BOTHER me if that makes sense. I made some offhand comment like, "You mean that door with the sign over it that says "dressing room' is it?" We both thought it was funny. I then go to the shoe department where I know I need help. I like to look nice but my sense of style is somewhat lacking - I don't think that has anything to do with my SA. I explain to the sales lady basically what I'm looking for and I feel my face getting red, but again I just battled through it - SA is NOT beating me today I say...and to my complete disbelief it went away. Again the "old" funny, kinda flirty me came out. God, I have really missed that guy. 

So now I have new clothes and shoes and realize I'm hungry. Any day other than today I would have came home and made a sandwich. Not today. A random thought/experiment idea hit me. I grab a soda and a slice of pizza and sit down to observe people. I ALWAYS feel stared at...everyone is looking at me I think. I decide to sit there in the food court and REALLY watch others to see how much they actually pay attention to other people. You know what? Nobody gives anyone a second glance. Ever. End of story. No one is paying any attention at all to anyone else with one exception. When an attractive girl walks by, guys will usually give the 2nd and sometimes 3rd glance. I believe if I was the girl there I'd take that as a compliment. NO ONE IS STARING AT US FOLKS.

I stop by the grocery store on the way home. Now I'm even going so far as to make eye contact and smile at people. Nearly everyone smiles back. I think my frustration of being this way FINALLY overrode my fears from being this way. I dunno what it was for sure, but it was the best day I've had in a long long time. Hopefully more to come.


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## Tungsten (Dec 11, 2005)

Good job man. Keep it up.

4400 miles on a 2 year old car? Wow, you really coddle her.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

thats so awesome, did you do anything special to sorta push you to do those things cause I can come up with some things, but sometimes I dont get myself to do them, or sorta put too much pressure on them.


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

Tungsten said:


> Good job man. Keep it up.
> 
> 4400 miles on a 2 year old car? Wow, you really coddle her.


I do baby the car somewhat, but with my SA I rarely go anywhere. You don't put very many miles on a car when you never leave the house.


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

double posted for some reason


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

Skackal said:


> GaryUranga said:
> 
> 
> > thats so awesome, did you do anything special to sorta push you to do those things cause I can come up with some things, but sometimes I dont get myself to do them, or sorta put too much pressure on them.


I honestly can't tell you exactly pushed me into actually following through. I have been "mentally psyching myself up" for a few months now. I think that when the initial phone call to the car dealership went ok - well better than ok, that gave me just enough confidence to go for it. That, and after FINALLY being fed up with about 17 years of practically doing nothing.

Thats why I would really like to see you younger folks get a grip on this SA thing, as I know exactly how bad it is to watch all of your 20s and half of your 30s go by without really doing much. Its miserable and I don't wish that on anyone.

I do know that if I can do it anyone can, thats for sure.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Good for you, Skackal :banana


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## dora (Apr 21, 2006)

Good to hear that you got through so many challenges in a single day. :rub Good job Skackal! Just take one day at a time.


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

good stuff. I haven't had one of those days in a short while but I know exactly what you mean. you just feel good about yourself and everyone picks up on it.

hey do you have a c5 like your avatar?


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

likewater said:


> hey do you have a c5 like your avatar?


I have a red 2004 Z06.


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

sweet


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

dbl post .. my first one w00t


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## Melyse (Sep 7, 2006)

"even if I embarrass myself, I'm just gonna roll with it and see what happens."
that's so brave! and that's a really good approach to take. sounds like you had a good day. 
"Thats why I would really like to see you younger folks get a grip on this SA thing, as I know exactly how bad it is to watch all of your 20s and half of your 30s go by without really doing much."

i'm 21 and i've decided that i am going to make myself do EVERYTHING that I WANT to do but find difficult. so lately, when i hear someone in my apartment stairwell when i was about to enter it, i dont wait until i hear they're gone, i just walk out the door. thanks for the advice!


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

Melyse said:


> i'm 21 and i've decided that i am going to make myself do EVERYTHING that I WANT to do but find difficult. so lately, when i hear someone in my apartment stairwell when i was about to enter it, i dont wait until i hear they're gone, i just walk out the door. thanks for the advice!


Good for you! Bottom line is that we have to re-take control of our own lives. Therapy, meds, diet, exercise, etc etc etc can all HELP, but we still basically have to "suck it up" and just do the things that scare us. Good luck and keep me posted!


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