# Finding condoms?



## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

My boyfriend and I are having a sexual relationship, but we don't use condoms. ( I take birth control) However, I found condoms, while trying to get some paper in his nightstand drawer. I don't really know what to think of it, should I let it go or confront him about it? I've had enough with guys messing around with girls behind my back. ugh


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

Perhaps they have been there for a long time. Before I moved in with my boyfriend I used to keep condoms in my drawer next to my bed.. just in case. And so did he before we met. 
Also perhaps he uses them for masturbation? 

If you are worried I would probably bring it up in a calm and nice way, just ask him what they are for. You can generally tell in a persons reactions and voice if they are lying to you.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

I wish that were the case, he recently set up the night stand a week ago, but I'll take your advice and ask him in a calm nice way.. oh boy


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

ahh I see, yes that would probably perk my suspicions, but maybe he just moved them from somewhere else. My boyfriend still has a bag of old condoms he brought from his old house that he had before we even met lol... 
Hopefully it's just something innocent like that


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

I am really hoping that.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

Count them, give it a week or so and count them again. If the number is less, then you might have a problem.

They could be old though. Lots of guys keep them for those "just in case encounters."


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Saving Face said:


> Count them, give it a week or so and count them again. If the number is less, then you might have a problem.


This is a good idea. If you have proof that they are being used, then you'll have something more to go on. But I don't think finding condoms in and of itself is necessarily a sign that something is amiss. It seems unlikely to me that he'd leave them in such an obvious place if he was cheating.

Anyone who's sexually active should keep a stash of condoms just in case, even if it's not their primary form of birth control (there's always a chance that you'll need a backup method - like if you were to lose your pills or forget to take it, etc). Maybe he has them for that purpose?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I have sex with my gf without a condom and I still have a bunch of condoms in my room from before I met her. The nightstand is new so they were probably just stashed somewhere else before.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Has your boyfriend been sexually active before he met you? I'd also worry about getting infections if I were you.


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

You should confront him IMMEDIATELY. If he's having sex with someone else, he might also be contracting an STI, and since you do not use condoms, you might contract it too!


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

he's a man and a large majority of us cheat

sad truth.

He's probably sleeping around.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Oooh, girl, he's cheating...

I'm joking! If you're worried, casually ask him (without attacking him about being a cheater), why he has condoms. He most likely won't be honest if he is in fact cheating, but you might be able to tell if he is/isn't by his reaction to the question. Or you could take Saving_Face said).

On a side-note, if you've been cheated on before and worry your current partner might be cheating, *definitely* use a condom. Birth control might keep you away from le bebe, but it won't protect you from STDs and STIs.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

make him use them all up on you, confront him about it, or steal them - then you can be 1% sure he's not having safe sex with anyone else.

or let the thought go and enjoy your time with him.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

dont make something outta nothing. you know what they say about assumptions.
some of you guys are haters


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

Knowbody said:


> he's a man and a large majority of us cheat
> 
> sad truth.
> 
> He's probably sleeping around.


what a stupid statement.

so he's probably cheating because he's male and has condoms? a large majority of women cheat too... does that mean I cheat because I'm a woman and have a stash of lube somewhere that I've never used on my boyfriend?

Maybe _you_ cheat..


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

Metal_Heart said:


> what a stupid statement.
> 
> so he's probably cheating because he's male and has condoms? a large majority of women cheat too... does that mean I cheat because I'm a woman and have a stash of lube somewhere that I've never used on my boyfriend?
> 
> Maybe _you_ cheat..


I have no idea what you and your s/o do.

I just know that human beings do cheat, and all of us happen to be human.

:clap


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

Knowbody said:


> I have no idea what you and your s/o do.
> 
> I just know that human beings do cheat, and all of us happen to be human.
> 
> :clap


_some_ human beings cheat. not everyone is capable of cheating or even wanting to.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

Metal_Heart said:


> _some_ human beings cheat. not everyone is capable of cheating or even wanting to.


if you cheated once and haven't done it in 30 yrs does it still make u a cheater?

:blank

If it does then the overwhelming majority of human beings on this planet are cheaters

the ones that don't/didn't are the small minority.


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## MagusAnima (Mar 4, 2010)

It's probably innocent tbh. Just ask him about it?

I'm on the pill for when I'm with my boyfriend, but I still have an old bag of condoms lying around because I dunno what to do with them and in case I forget my pill one day or something.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I have to say, your suspicions are kind of silly. When you're not on your period, do you throw away all your packs of feminine hygiene products? It's the same with his condoms.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

All guys have condoms just in case until they get a gf and then they never bother to throw the things away. I've found them more than a year after marrying my husband in various locations. There was one in pretty much every room "just in case" and then I had some in my nightstand I never got rid of until we were cleaning out and moved years after we started a serious relationship. I've been on birth control pills this whole time and he had a vasectomy right before we got married.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Akane said:


> All guys have condoms just in case until they get a gf and then they never bother to throw the things away. I've found them more than a year after marrying my husband in various locations. There was one in pretty much every room "just in case" and then I had some in my nightstand I never got rid of until we were cleaning out and moved years after we started a serious relationship. I've been on birth control pills this whole time and he had a vasectomy right before we got married.


That's kind of funny. I've heard of guys having condoms strategically placed all over the house in relationships lol... makes sense


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Check the expiration date.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Just ask him.

"Why do you have condoms if I'm on the pill?"


Problem solved. He will not get upset.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

I did ask him, I read the statements said here and thanks for the advice. Though not the advice of those who made rude remarks. It was a question because I wasn't sure and of course upset. 

Anyways, he said he bought a box of condoms for the first time we've had sexual intercourse. Since we had a failed attempt, one was opened, the other was not. I didn't understand why there was a need to keep two unopened next to his bed. I've thought about it for some time, thought and thought. Did a google search and of course that made me more paranoid. Considering that I'm on a website for disorders such as those, my assumptions weren't all that silly. I'm pretty sure people have had doubts and paranoia about these things. 

So, I asked him, I asked "Do you have condoms?" and he said "yeah a box from when we started going out in the closet somewhere"

and I said, "Oh, you're not going to use the ones in the nightstand?"

he says "Oh those were from the old shelf and I threw them in the nightstand because I couldn't find the box"

I asked him, "why would you need them there if we aren't using any?"

he says "because i couldn't find the box"

I asked him "why didn't you throw them away?"

and he says "you know I don't like throwing things away, remember when I told you about that star wars puzzle I finally got rid of last year?"

then I said "this is not a star wars puzzle, you couldn't just throw the condoms away?"

So I get a bit upset and he tells me he didn't think it would be an issue

tells me that he'll throw them away because it obviously makes me upset. Final words from him 

That's the end of that, no more arguing about nonsense. 

So I let it go. 

Everything is cool


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

Metal_Heart said:


> _some_ human beings cheat. not everyone is capable of cheating or even wanting to.


Though this is interesting, my boyfriend has been firm about it. He told me that no matter what, he will never cheat on his current partner. That he is very faithful and loyal.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Visionary said:


> Though this is interesting, my boyfriend has been firm about it. He told me that no matter what, he will never cheat on his current partner. That he is very faithful and loyal.


From what you said about him and his conversation with you, I believe he means what he says.

You got a good boyfriend.


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## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

Visionary said:


> Though this is interesting, my boyfriend has been firm about it. He told me that no matter what, he will never cheat on his current partner. That he is very faithful and loyal.


Yeah but no one is going to admit that they are capable of cheating to their current partner. That's just silly. Not saying that he is or going to but you have to take something like that at face value.


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## anthrotex (Oct 24, 2011)

Well. If you think he's cheating, maybe you SHOULD start using condoms so you don't catch anything from him.

However, I don't think (based on the information provided) that he's cheating. They're in a nightstand, not in his wallet. Unless you think he's finding a way to bring girls home and in your bed without any signs of it, I don't think you should be worried. And getting angry about the fact that he doesn't want to throw them away is a little strange, I think. It's always good to have protection around just in case you accidentally miss a day of your pill, or something. The pill is only effective if used correctly every time, so it's not a bad idea to have some condoms lying around just in case there's a time period you're not sure it's working right.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

dkriot said:


> Yeah but no one is going to admit that they are capable of cheating to their current partner. That's just silly. Not saying that he is or going to but you have to take something like that at face value.


Oh no, you're absolutely right. I do joke around with him and ask him "Oh do you think I'm fat?" and then respond with "Pfft, what boyfriend is stupid enough to tell their girlfriend is actually fat?" and we laugh.

But for the times I've brought it up, he's gotten upset about it. It's been mentioned twice and on innocent terms.

and I got upset only because I looked on google and started to get worried. I do have trust issues, and not only with relationships, but with many people and even family. Though it's a bit hypercritical to say that when I'm confining in the trust of people on the internet. Honestly, I'm unsure what to think, I'm just scared he'll find someone better and leave. Though that's always been in my mind, just being left alone.


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

Sounds like it's nothing to be worried about, and I bet you feel better for asking him 

and like somebody else mentioned, he wouldn't put them somewhere so obvious if they were for anybody else... he would have hidden them from you.

Honestly, even if me and my boyfriend were on the pill I wouldn't throw away condoms either  even if we weren't gonna use them, the good ones don't come cheap anymore hahaaaa


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

How did a box of condoms turn into him cheating on you and you getting stds and all this other crazy nonsense? If you have questions about something you should just ask him, and if your bf is truly loyal and honest it will be resolved in seconds. You finally did ask him, but then you blew up about it instead of accepting and respecting his answer. That's unfortunate. Hopefully you can learn to trust him, but it would be best if you let him take the initiative in buillding your trust instead of you pressuring him into it. That being said, I can only imagine how hard it would be to do that after being cheated on so much.


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## roylee1970 (Dec 11, 2011)

Visionary said:


> Oh no, you're absolutely right. I do joke around with him and ask him "Oh do you think I'm fat?" and then respond with "Pfft, what boyfriend is stupid enough to tell their girlfriend is actually fat?" and we laugh.
> 
> But for the times I've brought it up, he's gotten upset about it. It's been mentioned twice and on innocent terms.
> 
> and I got upset only because I looked on google and started to get worried. I do have trust issues, and not only with relationships, but with many people and even family. Though it's a bit hypercritical to say that when I'm confining in the trust of people on the internet. Honestly, I'm unsure what to think, I'm just scared he'll find someone better and leave. Though that's always been in my mind, just being left alone.


I was waiting to see how this thing resolved itself. You did good. Take a lesson from it and remember to always talk to him about things. It is better for your relationship and your own peace of mind to do so. You would do good to stop worrying about him finding someone better and just enjoy your time together. It might sound selfish but we all enter relationships because they fulfill a need we have within ourselves. We might not tell our partners what that need is straight out but if they listen to us they will hear it in stories or comments made. Listen, communicate and fulfill those needs and you will never have to worry about there being someone better.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I have condoms that are years old. And I'm a virgin who has never had sex.

Your suspicions are kind of silly, OP.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

I could easily say the same thing of having social anxiety. I do admit that I have trust issues. I came for support to resolve the issue. It did hurt my feelings and that's how I reacted to it. Other people have different perceptions upon what they come by. I didn't accuse him of anything, I made an observation, thought about it a bit too much because of what has happened to me. I was upset, paranoia hit me, but I didn't contact him
First. I came on a message board to type out whatever nonsense I'm thinking at the time. Yes, it wasn't fair to judge him on past situations.Doing this has helped, I'm really trying to fix my trust issues and I've asked him if he was willing to help. I'm willing to change my issue and he is willing to help. Maybe in being a bit assertive with this, but really do realize that there are people on this forum with issues and telling them that what they've done is silly or maybe over drastic. Its confusing because sometimes its hard to change overnight. if I could I would and don't get me wrong. I respect honesty. So I do thank you at the same time.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

No, your human. It's normal to vent and healthy too. Being open and discussing your feelings is a good thing.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

"this is not a star wars puzzle, you couldn't just throw the condoms away?"

one of the funniest things I've read on SAS ever. LOL

best wishes to you, Visionary.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Visionary said:


> I did ask him, I read the statements said here and thanks for the advice. Though not the advice of those who made rude remarks. It was a question because I wasn't sure and of course upset.
> 
> Anyways, he said he bought a box of condoms for the first time we've had sexual intercourse. Since we had a failed attempt, one was opened, the other was not. I didn't understand why there was a need to keep two unopened next to his bed. I've thought about it for some time, thought and thought. Did a google search and of course that made me more paranoid. Considering that I'm on a website for disorders such as those, my assumptions weren't all that silly. I'm pretty sure people have had doubts and paranoia about these things.
> 
> ...


I'm glad that it all turned out well. But can I ask why did you still get upset? The people in this thread; 'yep there's probably a perfectly reasonable explaination for this'. The BF; 'yep, they were just old condoms'. I'm finding it hard to rationalise the reponse.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

I'm really, really glad you talked about it with him. I see so many posts of folks venting away about issues that could easily be solved if they just exercised that whole, "Keep open lines of communication!" with their significant other. People ask other members what they think of a situation which I understand but in the end, we have NO idea what's going on and can only guess based on what information is shared. The best route is to take control of the matter, just like you did.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

senrab said:


> "this is not a star wars puzzle, you couldn't just throw the condoms away?"
> 
> one of the funniest things I've read on SAS ever. LOL
> 
> best wishes to you, Visionary.


Lol, it was meant to be funny. I was more so frustrated and he knew i was getting upset because of my frustration.

Sarcasm is used between him and I a lot. Glad to make someone laugh.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

Paper Samurai said:


> I'm glad that it all turned out well. But can I ask why did you still get upset? The people in this thread; 'yep there's probably a perfectly reasonable explaination for this'. The BF; 'yep, they were just old condoms'. I'm finding it hard to rationalise the reponse.


Like I've said paranoia hits and other factors hit as well. Though the issue is sloved and I also did apologize for overreacting about it to him in person, I think two days ago? I don't see him very often, I go to school and he works.

@seafolly, You're absolutely right about that. I did my best to explain everything, but the details are what matter the most, which are hard to explain online on forums. I did get a bit frustrated when trying to explain myself, but I had to also realize, it's my relationship,I know what's going on. I can use some tips from people, as in the whole "talk with the boyfriend about it" and it worked. Hopefully this helps other people as well. Pretty sure other people probably have been in the same situation or might get into the same situation.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

I have condoms on hand and I'm not only single but not sexually active at the moment. But it's always good to be prepared. lol. If I got a sexual partner now that was using birth control (or was infertile/fixed/whatever) and she found that stash of condoms, it would be unfair of her to jump to conclusions. You don't know when he got those condoms. Condoms last a very long time you know. I have some with a 2015 expiry date and I bought those almost a year ago.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I would only trust the expiry date if you keep them in a room that is always heat and ac controlled in a dark drawer and don't care about the spermicide. Otherwise the expiry date is junk. You can't haul condoms around in your pocket/wallet or car for 2 years like some people think and have them work with no increased risk. They do have an optimal storage temp and are sensitive to light and friction. Not to mention the spermicide has only been proven to 2years.


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