# Do you still wish to find that special someone?



## wly (Nov 27, 2007)

For those who are in there 30's and still single, do you still wish to find that special person to be with you in your life. Or you have pretty much given up hope. 

Would you want someone who has Social Anxiety Disorder too or with any mental disorder as your companion in life?


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Probably not geared towards my age, but I'm 23 and I've almost given up hope already. I see so many people in and around my age who have started families, and that is so depressing for me. 

As for who I would like to be with, if she had SA, I wouldn't have a problem with it. If anything, that means more time spent with just the two of us. That said, if she was successful socially and I was comfortable around her and her friends, I would do my best to not turn my nose up at possibly having the social life I've always dreamed of having.


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## AliciaH (Sep 28, 2007)

Well Im 23 and Im still dreaming of that mr. right and im married lol. (things arent too smooth sailing and we clearly are not meant to be). if we follow through w/ the divorce i dunno if i would ever find anyone b/c im just not social enough


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Regardless of age, it's not like you can just flip a switch and stop wishing or having feelings of attraction. I think that will always be there.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Wish? Obsessively. Hope? Not in the least.

Although I'm not in my 30s either.


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

I'm rapidly approaching 30, though not quite there yet. I wish I could, but I have long-since effectively given up hope. It doesn't mean that I don't dream of it (often), though.


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## insidelookingout (Dec 7, 2007)

I am 47 and although I haven't dated in a long time or had any girlfriends in the past year I haven't given up hope. Age doesn't make much difference to me. Due to my SA in the past it has limited me on going out to meet anybody. I am taking Xanax and Prozac and I am doing much better. 

Good Luck in Life and Love ! 

RC


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

I don't think that 30 is the end of the world. A lot of people get married or date in their 30's. I'm 34 and find it easier to date now then when I was in my 20's. It just seemed like there was more pressure in the 20's to have lots of friends and a booming social life. There's less pressure now and I feel like I can be more myself.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

Not in my thirty's yet either... But I've already lost hope. I've never even been on a date, and I figure... if not by now, then when? If I can't even find anyone to be friends with, how am I going to find a "someone special"? I'm just too... weird. I'm just not normal, and nobody can connect to that.

The hope is gone, but I wish plenty. I wish all the time. I daydream constantly. But I've also taken to telling everyone, even myself... that I -like- being single, that I don't want or need a relationship... and that I'd be perfectly happy living by myself with my cat forever. 

...But the thought of going through life without someone makes my heart /bleed/.

Most people don't like country music (another reason I'm an alien) but... for all of you that feel that way: Brian White "Someone else's star". You'll love it.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

insidelookingout said:


> I am 47 and although I haven't dated in a long time or had any girlfriends in the past year I haven't given up hope. Age doesn't make much difference to me. Due to my SA in the past it has limited me on going out to meet anybody. I am taking Xanax and Prozac and I am doing much better.
> 
> Good Luck in Life and Love !
> 
> RC


You shouldnt give up hope, no one should. :kiss


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## eekmd (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm quickly approaching 30...(next week actually *sigh*) and as others have said.... I don't think you ever stop "wishing to find" someone. There are times that it seems like a hopeless battle though. It's difficult enough for people who go on many dates to find someone compatible. For those of us that haven't been out on a date in a time that can be measured in years, it starts to feel pointless getting your hopes up. I still "wish to find" someone, and still have a profile up on a dating site.... but I've pretty much given up trying, because it feels as if it's becoming more and more pointless.


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## joe81 (Dec 16, 2006)

yup, theres no one that will truly understand for me to find....accepted.....


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

Ya I would love to find a companion though I don't hold out a lot of hope of it ever happening. And no it wouldn't bother me if she had a mental disorder/SA, heck I've got a few of those myself. :b


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

coldmorning said:


> I don't think that 30 is the end of the world. A lot of people get married or date in their 30's. I'm 34 and find it easier to date now then when I was in my 20's. It just seemed like there was more pressure in the 20's to have lots of friends and a booming social life. There's less pressure now and I feel like I can be more myself.


 :ditto except for the last sentence


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## Tasha (Feb 10, 2004)

I still have hope ..... sometimes.


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## LNahid2000 (May 23, 2007)

Yeah, I want him here now. And it's fine if he has SA. I'd be able to relate to him better.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

wly said:


> For those who are in there 30's and still single, do you still wish to find that special person to be with you in your life. Or you have pretty much given up hope.


I'm only 22, but I don't really have any hope for someone to spend my life with.

I can't give any man whatever it is he wants (except for my first boyfriend, I think). If he could get past how repulsive I look... and how boring and weird I am... which is a stretch... well, I still don't think he could live with me. I would be utterly useless as a wife.



wly said:


> Would you want someone who has Social Anxiety Disorder too or with any mental disorder as your companion in life?


Oh that's fine. I have to admit I find shy guys adorable :mushy but anyway, at least we could understand each other that way.



GlowBug23 said:


> I'm just too... weird. I'm just not normal, and nobody can connect to that.


I feel just like that.



GlowBug23 said:


> But I've also taken to telling everyone, even myself... that I -like- being single, that I don't want or need a relationship... and that I'd be perfectly happy living by myself with my cat forever.
> 
> ...But the thought of going through life without someone makes my heart /bleed/.


Well, basically, I don't think I want to get all "serious" now, but I don't want to never have someone again. I can't bear the thought even of never touching a man again.



GlowBug23 said:


> Most people don't like country music (another reason I'm an alien) but... for all of you that feel that way: Brian White "Someone else's star". You'll love it.


I don't know that song or that singer, but I've always liked country.


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## Silverwater (Dec 2, 2007)

I'm almost 30 and I'm stuck in a country, where the men are not my type at all, what-so-ever. It sucks because I want to settle down in the near future, but I know that's impossible here. I'm actually quite depressed about it. I feel that by the time I'm able to move back to America, I would have missed my chance. So at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

As for the type of person I'd like to be with, I prefer that they've experienced anxiety, depression, or some other form(s) of hardship so they'd have high empathy skills.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I'm 29. I still have fantasies about finding the one. (I think, I watched Serendipity one too many times.) Do I think that I am ready to date? Not a chance. Do I wish that I could date? Yes.


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

eagleheart said:


> I'm only 22, but I don't really have any hope for someone to spend my life with.
> 
> I can't give any man whatever it is he wants (except for my first boyfriend, I think). If he could get past how repulsive I look... and how boring and weird I am... which is a stretch... well, I still don't think he could live with me. I would be utterly useless as a wife.


Don't be too down on yourself, some of us aren't simply focussed on looks (though I doubt you're 'repulsive' even you feel like it). What makes you think you're weird and boring? Is it because you don't like some social things that most people enjoy? If so I wouldn't see that as a bad thing, in fact I'd love to be with a girl who felt the same way I do about these things.



> Oh that's fine. I have to admit I find shy guys adorable :mushy but anyway, at least we could understand each other that way.


I wish there were more women who thought like that ops


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Futures said:


> Regardless of age, it's not like you can just flip a switch and stop wishing or having feelings of attraction. I think that will always be there.


I agree. I used to have desires for some sort of relationship, and now I don't, but it wasn't a consciously determined shift. It just happened regardless of what I thought.

I hope those of you still seeking can find someone soon.


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

I went on a few first (or second) dates. I kinda had a couple long distance relationships...I met one of the LDR once and the other a couple times...but I never I had a long term serious relationship with a guy. I don't think I am desirable in any sort of way. I don't think I am ugly, I just don't think I would be attractive to a guy. A guy would get tired and bored of me if I did manage to have a boyfriend.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

I'm 32 and yes...I still have hope.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. It seems like it would have happened already, if it was possible. So, in that regard, I tend to lean towards the 'it's never happening.'


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Thanks for your post; I'm just sorry I took forever to respond! ops



GordonGecko said:


> Don't be too down on yourself, some of us aren't simply focussed on looks (though I doubt you're 'repulsive' even you feel like it).


Well... Maybe I'm not like... _tapeworm_ "repulsive"... just... _earthworm_ "repulsive" or something... which gives me some hope because at least I think they're kind of cute (I said I was weird :lol).



> What makes you think you're weird and boring?


Oh man, I must consider how much time I have to write and how much time you have to read... Well, I've written an explanation of what I meant, but it's *severely* tl;dr ("too long, didn't read"), so I haven't posted it. :duck



> Is it because you don't like some social things that most people enjoy?


Actually, that's a significant part of it, yeah. I' introverted, I have no interest in "partying," etc. etc...

I guess it also involves me spending a lot of free time at home in pajamas reading out loud or reading while I'm eating, and also long periods of awkward silence, which may or may not be preferable to breathless, incoherent babble about octopuses, snail sightings, Spanish people saying goodbye, "The Shining," or some other stupid thing...



> If so I wouldn't see that as a bad thing, in fact I'd love to be with a girl who felt the same way I do about these things.


Yeah, I'd love to be with a guy with whom I had something in common like that, but I don't really know any such people. :sigh



> I wish there were more women who thought like that ops


I'm pretty sure there are some more, and I don't really know what the rest are thinking, but whatever turns your crank, I guess. Once I wrote, "I like shy, quiet men. They are hard to find and harder to get to know." I mean, I'm shy too. :b


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

eagleheart said:


> Thanks for your post; I'm just sorry I took forever to respond! ops


Don't worry about it 



> Oh man, I must consider how much time I have to write and how much time you have to read... Well, I've written an explanation of what I meant, but it's *severely* tl;dr ("too long, didn't read"), so I haven't posted it. :duck


Hey I've got plenty of time if you want to tell me...



> Actually, that's a significant part of it, yeah. I' introverted, I have no interest in "partying," etc. etc...
> 
> I guess it also involves me spending a lot of free time at home in pajamas reading out loud or reading while I'm eating, and also long periods of awkward silence, which may or may not be preferable to breathless, incoherent babble about octopuses, snail sightings, Spanish people saying goodbye, "The Shining," or some other stupid thing...


I'm not interested in partying either and I'm also one of the most introverted people ever. You don't sound weird to me (well not in a bad way ) or boring. To be honest I find people who do nothing but go out drinking boring.



> Yeah, I'd love to be with a guy with whom I had something in common like that, but I don't really know any such people. :sigh
> ...
> I'm pretty sure there are some more, and I don't really know what the rest are thinking, but whatever turns your crank, I guess. Once I wrote, "I like shy, quiet men. They are hard to find and harder to get to know." I mean, I'm shy too. :b


Yep I know what you mean, I like shy, quiet women but I don't know any and I am so shy myself, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it if I did. :sigh


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

GordonGecko said:


> Hey I've got plenty of time if you want to tell me...


 :um

Well...

Like I said, I'm very introverted. So I get tired/drained pretty soon with a lot of social events, even if I enjoyed myself; also, I prefer to "wind down" by going home and reading, going out to eat with my mom, something relaxing like that rather than going to parties. In fact, I have no interest in "partying" (okay I said that already). And I don't even drink alcohol. I'd rather have a few good friends than a lot of not-so-good ones (or a lot at all; I'd wear out easily). Apparently I'm weird for my age because my parents/family are so important to me; anyway, I've always been more comfortable with and had warmer feelings towards older people as a group than young people as a group.

If I were to spend my life with someone, he would have to be able to accept the above, because, well, that's me, and it does everyone a disservice for someone to try to be someone they're not.

But, besides all that, I am not a good cook and wouldn't know what to feed him; I don't have the interest or skill for "tasteful decoration" (I don't want to give up my posters of "A Clockwork Orange" and the Beatles and so on :lol); I cannot even sew on a button; naturally, I'm useless for entertaining or even making good conversation; and I don't know how to say it, but I doubt being a mother would be any better vocation for me than being a doctor, to put it that way.

This already pretty much disqualifies me from ever having a companion in my future life.

AND... if I were to spend my life with someone, I would want, I would need for us to be able to share our souls with each other. I've spent so much time not being able to share like this, not being able to tell anyone something I feel, or listen to what he thinks, or show him what I see... But like everything else above, this would drive almost anyone nuts.

Thus at some point I would have to explain that the "noise" I so often blast is to me the most amazing and beautiful music, that it means the world to me... But I would hope that we liked at least one of the same kinds of music (well, unless one of us was deaf), for how could we live without sharing it?

At some point he'd have to suffer through my defilement of the beautiful Spanish language, since I no longer know who I would be without it, and since I'm in the habit of reading aloud in Spanish and occasionally stuttering to the cats in it.

At some point I might start telling him the strange things I cherish... like one night when I was flying into a city I'd never been to, I realized that people were setting off fireworks down there! For me it was really awesome to watch and think about... I described it, but it was too long, and kind of weird. He'd learn that I get inordinately excited by really stupid things, like blowing bubbles, finding seashells, seeing caterpillars, playing some ancient video game, the prospect of seeing dinosaur exhibits in museums, etc.

At some point I would want to show him my postcards and say to him, "I lived right by this river, and here it runs through a city called Zaragoza. Zaragoza, Zaragoza! Doesn't just the name make you want to go there?" Would he would realize that I meant it? Would he want to know, if he didn't already, why I long for the mountains of La Rioja, the streets of Barcelona...? Would he want to let the magnificence of Spain overwhelm him too?

And what would he think when I wished for the marvellous city of London? Would he find it silly that I also want to see the English countryside, which my mother said is so beautiful, and Bristol, because my grandfather lived there over 100 years ago. . .? Blah blah, the list goes on, there's a lot I'd love to share with someone special.

Blah, blah blah... not just that, I would have failed if he didn't (eventually -- I don't mean any of this like "LOL WE JUST MET") feel safe to share with me in the same way. I would want him to be able to share his dreams with me, to let me know him beyond whether he preferred real or artificial Christmas trees! I would hope he'd feel comfortable with me. I'd hope we'd be great friends, not just people who are merely putting up with each other ALL the time for some idiot reason.

Also, knowing me, I'd frequently embarrass myself by getting caught looking at him, or by being like this: :nw Plus for some weird reason, I love touching and being touched. Haha, my mom gets annoyed because some man at church is always mauling all over his wife, but I'd like it if it was me. :cuddle ops

.................. yeah. :um That's a painfully long attempt at an explanation or at least an overview, lol.

*ok HAI GUYS THE LONG PART'S OVER * :duck :hide ops



> I'm not interested in partying either and I'm also one of the most introverted people ever. You don't sound weird to me (well not in a bad way ) or boring. To be honest I find people who do nothing but go out drinking boring.


Thanks.. Yeah, they would find me boring, but for me it would be the other way around :b


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

eagleheart said:


> explanation


Wow. I don't know how you can consider yourself boring! I can relate to a lot of things you said, but I am not very good expressing them. Especially about getting excited about stupid things most people wouldn't think twice about.



> But, besides all that, I am not a good cook and wouldn't know what to feed him; I don't have the interest or skill for "tasteful decoration"


I feel quite hypocritical because I am so negative about myself, but I really don't think you should give up hope. Sure you might not spend your life with a man who expects you to cook for him and basically be a housekeeper (why would you want to :lol ) but not everyone is that old fashioned.

Sorry I didn't mean to creep you out, I just often wonder what other people who consider themselves too weird are really like.

It makes me quite sad that so many people on this forum think that they are boring when in actual fact they are very interesting people


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

GordonGecko said:


> Wow. I don't know how you can consider yourself boring!


 ops thanks... it just seems like I am. I don't know what to say to people, and yeah...I do spend a lot of time at home in my pajamas reading... but I like it that way...



> I can relate to a lot of things you said, but I am not very good expressing them. Especially about getting excited about stupid things most people wouldn't think twice about.


Yeah...I mostly keep it to myself. :sigh



> I feel quite hypocritical because I am so negative about myself, but I really don't think you should give up hope.


oh I seem to have very different standards for me and for everyone else, it's kind of weird.



> Sure you might not spend your life with a man who expects you to cook for him and basically be a housekeeper (why would you want to :lol ) but not everyone is that old fashioned.


lol, I hope you're right!



> Sorry I didn't mean to creep you out, I just often wonder what other people who consider themselves too weird are really like.
> 
> It makes me quite sad that so many people on this forum think that they are boring when in actual fact they are very interesting people


?? You didn't creep me out. :con Yeah, I wonder that too. I've found the people say they are boring, but they aren't.


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

> You didn't creep me out


Oh good. I get paranoid that people will think I'm too intrusive :|

Back on topic, I will say I haven't quite given up hope entirely, but it seems unlikely given my current anxiety and shyness and the fact that I'm ugly.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

GordonGecko said:


> > You didn't creep me out
> 
> 
> Oh good. I get paranoid that people will think I'm too intrusive :|
> ...


What fact O___O
Besides, 'ugly' is the ones who go around making people feel bad yet still thinking they are the hottest thing walking... uke


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

eagleheart said:


> What fact O___O


I meant physically unattractive, if you saw me you'd know :b



> Besides, 'ugly' is the ones who go around making people feel bad yet still thinking they are the hottest thing walking... uke


Well at least that's one thing positive about me, I never try to make people feel bad intentionally.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Ohh. But is it bad if I clicked your link and I still don't understand? ops :hide


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

eagleheart said:


> Ohh. But is it bad if I clicked your link and I still don't understand? ops :hide


ops

I think it may mean that you need to have your eyesight examined.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

I'm sorry ops
though I went last summer and my eyes hadn't changed enough for me to need a new pair of glasses, so I see fine with mimne


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

Haha no need to be sorry, I was only joking :lol 

I just find it hard to accept anyone seeing me as anything but hideous.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

GordonGecko said:


> Haha no need to be sorry, I was only joking :lol


Ohh! Okay, I thought I'd been too rude :eek



> I just find it hard to accept anyone seeing me as anything but hideous.


I'm tjat way too, but... far from it, you're cute! :blush :hide :duck


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## holtby43 (Jan 1, 2008)

Gordon, I just went onto your SAF profile. You should stop feeling so negative about your image, you look good!


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Why do I feel like I'm intruding upon a PM exchange?


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

Sorry I didn't mean to hijack the thread with my self loathing.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

You're definitely not hideous, GordonGecko. I would know, considering the reflection in my mirror.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

That was a very nice explanation, eagleheart. I don't think any of it makes you unacceptable. :hug


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

LostInReverie said:


> Why do I feel like I'm intruding upon a PM exchange?


lol, sorry about that -____-;;



ardrum said:


> That was a very nice explanation, eagleheart. I don't think any of it makes you unacceptable. :hug


Wow, thank you. :hug


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

I've pretty much given up hope. I found that special someone but he lives in a different country.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

wly said:


> For those who are in there 30's and still single, do you still wish to find that special person to be with you in your life. Or you have pretty much given up hope.
> 
> Would you want someone who has Social Anxiety Disorder too or with any mental disorder as your companion in life?


I'm only 23, but yes, I think about finding that special woman every day.

I wouldn't mind someone with anxiety issues. It'd be a firm common ground between us. As far as other personality traits go, well that's kinda at my discretion based on what I observe.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Im flying to see that special someone at 8:10am tomorrow


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## russophile1977 (Jan 16, 2006)

I haven't given up yet but I'm getting there. I'd go out with another person with SA. I don't know about other mental disorders. It'd depend on what the disorder was.


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