# My Dad Hates The Way I Am



## April brown (Aug 22, 2014)

My dad is my worst critic. He criticizes me for every and anything. He always questions me about why I'm so insecure, but points out all my flaws and makes me think negative about myself. He thinks his words of criticism will help me out, instead it stresses me that he can't accept me for who I am. I recently lost 45lbs. He not once complimented me, or told me he noticed my weight loss. He instead criticized the way I dress and tells me I have no style. And laughs it off like I can't take a joke. I plan on being a fashion designer so telling someone they have no style really cuts deep. He usually lectures me about I'm not doing and what I should be doing in my life; that's the only time he speaks to me. Before I lost the weight it useto be about how lazy I am and I'm too fat to get a job... Now that I lost the weight, he's trying to tell me how to dress. What really got to me though was him telling me how to dress for a job interview, as if I don't have common sense to dress professional. I hate the way he treats me. He always teases me and assumes I'm this pathetic woman who is insecure and depressed. I'm tired of being judged by him. I told him several times how I felt, but he talks over me so he can get his last word in and remains in denial. He says I'm to blame. Is he wrong?


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

> Is he wrong?


 Of course. It's pretty clear that his bad behaviour has contributed to your problems.

"They **** you up, your mum and dad" - http://scribblesandscrolls.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/larkin-verse.jpg


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

that's like my mom. I made a thread "I think I don't like my mom", she does the same thing.


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## Rayzada (Jul 31, 2014)

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've grown up with critical parents too, and it's been really painful. To my choice of major to study in school, to what I look like, how I act and present myself, and so on. My parents don't ask me what I'm doing for my career, nor do they tell anyone they know about it. I don't even think they understand or care what I've chosen to do.

One thing I've been learning through therapy is that my parents learned their ways of parenting from their parents (older, more traditional ways). They don't know any way else to be because that is what they were taught. My dad doesn't know how to be kind with his words, he doesn't know how to praise or compliment me. Another thing I've learned and am still trying to accept is that despite all the negative words that come from my family, they say things out of worry and concern. It may be the same for your situation too. 

Through reading your post, I wonder why a father would feel the need to criticize and verbally harm their daughter. There is a quote that I've heard of that says "People hurt other people to make them feel good about themselves," or "Hurt people hurt other people." And it applies to anyone in life.. I wonder if it relates to your father. I would suggest for you to not let what he says prevent you from chasing your dreams and feeling happy about who you are. I've had to come to terms with (and still am) trying to accept that my parents may never give me the approval, love and support that I want. It has to come from within.

I wish parents would understand what they say and don't say affects their children and their confidence. It has affected mine in a negative and destructive way.

I don't know if you're into reading, but a book that helped me see adults/parents differently is "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It really got me to see how we should take our parents off the pedestal. They're human, flawed and not perfect.


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## LifeinAShell (Apr 12, 2012)

yeah my dads the same way


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## OhioState1 (Apr 2, 2014)

April brown said:


> My dad is my worst critic. He criticizes me for every and anything. He always questions me about why I'm so insecure, but points out all my flaws and makes me think negative about myself. He thinks *his* words of* criticism* will help me out, instead it stresses me that he can't accept me for who I am. I recently lost 45lbs. He not once complimented me, or told me he noticed my weight loss. He instead criticized the way I dress and tells me I have no style. And laughs it off like I can't take a joke. I plan on being a fashion designer so telling someone they have no style really cuts deep. He usually lectures me about I'm not doing and what I should be doing in my life; that's the only time he speaks to me. Before I lost the weight it useto be about how lazy I am and I'm too fat to get a job... Now that I lost the weight, *he's trying to tell me how* to dress. What really got to me though was him telling me how to dress for a job interview, as if I don't have common sense to dress professional. I hate the way he treats me. *He always teases me* and assumes I'm this pathetic woman who is insecure and depressed. I'm tired of being judged by him. I told him several times how I felt, but *he talks over me* so he can get his last word in and remains in denial. *He *says I'm to *blame*. Is he wrong?


He blames you, tells you how to live, teases you, talks over you, criticizes you, well God Damn, you better *tell* your daddy "Look dad, you've been upsetting me and I don't want to talk with you because of how you treat me" --- And you might want to make a list of all those things he's been doing if you can't remember, then show him, and leave, go outside, to your room, just stay away. FOR YEARS I live with a dad like yours. They just need the help of the Lord, phew man, nothin's gonna help them if they can't help themselves yo, that's the truth!


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## 525826 (Aug 29, 2014)

Girl, ignore that BS. Maybe he had a point in the beginning, but the never-ending cycle?
Sounds like he's just venting his stress on you.


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## 525826 (Aug 29, 2014)

PS: My dad is the same way. He tells me I'm fat. Am I fat? PFFFFFTTTTT I'm 110 pounds. That's how I knew it was all lies.


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