# Do you supposed to look people in the eyes when talking?



## DCP11OC (Sep 12, 2009)

Sorry not sure where else to put this?

BUT

When engaged in communication -- are you supposed to look them in the eyes?

The only reason I ask is because I notice that this person I sometimes talk to I look in the eye and she sometimes looks away, at the table, somewhere else and it's really embarrassing because I am not sure if I am supposed to do this and it puts me off...

Cause I thought that you meant to look people in the eye,,sometimes I alternate so that it does not look like I'm staring but when she does this to me I am not sure if that means she's not interested or what, and I don't really feel like talking because then I feel like an idiot. 

Please help, what would you do in this situation? Do you look people in the eyes or would you look where they look, how long should you look in the eyes??


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## DCP11OC (Sep 12, 2009)

Oh and another thing, if you are talking to someone when sitting down. And the conversation stops for a few mins. And you have to go due to lecture for example in a few mins later, should you say 'goodbye'? Thx.


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes and Yes


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Yeah, but not constantly staring at them. There's a certain intuitive give and take that may require a bit of practice if you're not used to holding eye contact. There's nothing improper with occassionally glancing away. As for the second question, yes, unless you're only going to be gone for a little while, then it's kinda pointless.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I mostly look people in the eyes while they're talking, but look back and forth from their face to other things more when I'm talking. I think I always look away when I'm trying to think of what to say and then tend to look back to them when I'm sure of what I'm saying or I've finished my thought and expect them to respond. I believe this is fairly normal.


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## huntingh (Mar 24, 2011)

DCP11OC it was so nice reading your question because I feel *exactly *the same way. 
I feel similar to carambola but it does not feel normal at all.

I find it really really hard to get right. I find I hold eye contact constantly and I worry they think I'm staring at them, but it seems so rude when they look away...where am I meant to look??
I have found that when I'm explaining something, or about to answer someones question I'll use (or create) thinking-pauses to kind of shift my posture and break eye-contact briefly, then I pretend to have 'made up my mind', animate my face & start talking, and go back to eye contact.

But I have no idea what to do when they are talking to me. I just look right into their eyes and nod and smile *forever *if I have to. Gah!!


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## huntingh (Mar 24, 2011)

Also, what the hell do people do in public?
My partner makes casual meaningless eye contact with people when we walk down the street. I studiously avoid looking *anyone* in the eye!! My partner said it was normal to glance at people passing you by but it seems so....vigilant and rude to me.
I take it to the point of super-power  I never recognise people I know when I am shopping or at the train station due to avoiding all human glances. They always have to signal me to say hello instead, even if they are walking directly beside me!


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## N3XT2NON3 (Aug 10, 2009)

Yes, but I suck at looking at people directly.


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## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

I never look people in the eye when talking to them. It may seem rude, But I just can't do so.


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## msbxa (Mar 24, 2011)

I say do whatever feels most comfortable. You do not need to look at someone directly if you don't want to, as long as you are listening to them and respond to them accordingly so they acknowledge so. 
Try not to think about what you need to do, if you don't think about it, you might find that you look directly at them naturally when talking. 
I read something before that said something like in some cultures its actually considered rude or offensive to look at people in the eyes.


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