# What do guys think of quiet girls?



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

Ive had male teachers/coworkers point out to me the past 4-5 years that im really quiet. i want to shout out " YES! I KNOW IM JUST TOO DANG NERVOUS TO TALK!" 

do guys view quiet girls as some weird phenomena or something? i usually say"thats not always a bad thing, is it?" and that usually stumps them

i mean the guys that have told me this were nice and didnt say it in a mean way they seem just fascinated by it 

its like, i crave attention, but when i get it i get uncomfortable. and then i want to talk but im too nervous. when i talk a lot of times i feel im an annoyance so i shut up so people will ignore me but then im so quiet i get attention. its a weird cycle.

what do you guys think of quiet shy girls. do we seem snobby or mean? or weird? ive always wondered.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

well being kinda quiet myself, i know that if someone is comfortable around someone they're gonna talk. you just need to find that person who counteracts your quietness with easygoing initial non-threatening conversation.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

rdrr said:


> well being kinda quiet myself, i know that if someone is comfortable around someone they're gonna talk. you just need to find that person who counteracts your quietness with easygoing initial non-threatening conversation.


yeah i think youre right. every guy i have liked has been outgoing. really outgoing. because if someones shy you cant get to know them. aha, i see the problem  not that i think shy guys are unattractive or anything. i guess the outgoing guys have talked to me and gotten me out of my shell a lot.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

People think its wierd because there are so many women that never shut up. Ive been asked why I was so quiet before and I tell them its because they won't take a breath long enough for me to get a word in.


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## Tony99 (Jul 27, 2008)

I love quiet girls. It would actually be my ideal girl. The downfall is that I would probably have trouble approaching a quiet girl and being able to read signals since they can be ambiguous.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

Quiet girls are awesome. There's this chick at work who barely says anything, but she always smiles/says 'hi' etc when I walk past. She just gets on with her business without whining, gossiping or wanting to be the centre of attention. I know nothing about her, yet totally respect her.

However, the quiet girls who don't even make eye contact when I walk past will often fall victim to the "*****" label... unless they are visibly nervous. I'm guilty of looking confidently aloof too, but it really does give out a hostile message.

Loud, super-social girls generally get on my nerves or freak me out.


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## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

Quiet girls are, I dunno, the Holy Grail or something. I'd kill to meet one. "Quiet" definitions will very I guess but mine would include literally having a soft voice or really just not a loud one. But I'd also kill for someone that just was inquisitive and "checks in" with you during a convo if only to ask "you know what I mean?" instead of just unloading. And like max said, someone who can appreciate *a little* silence every now and then. Someone who gets that it should be an *exchange*. A dialogue. Not a series of soliloquies.



tlgibson97 said:


> ... Ive been asked why I was so quiet before and I tell them its because they won't take a breath long enough for me to get a word in.


ROFL. How'd that go btw?  I've had similar experiences--eh except me telling them they talk too much. I think I will print an instruction booklet for people who I meet online. If they want to talk me, they will have to follow the instructions which will include asking questions!

I think someone would only come off as snobby or mean if you don't make conversation when offered. Like if you just give short or yes or no answers or seem like you don't talk when someone talks to you. But if you're just quiet around people, I have never thought of that as snobby. It kinda does make me want to talk to that person though.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

rickthegreat said:


> ROFL. How'd that go btw?  I've had similar experiences--eh except me telling them they talk too much. I think I will print an instruction booklet for people who I meet online. If they want to talk me, they will have to follow the instructions which will include asking questions!


 I either have to be rude and just interrupt them to say anything or I sit back and wait for an opening. The risk you take by sitting back is they can be 3 topics down the road before there is an opening. By that time I have nothing to say about the new topic and don't want to go back to the old topic.

The times I have tried to jump in I usually get drowned out by the person talking and nobody hears me. Not like I had anything interesting to say anyways.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

They're sexy, but hard to approach and hard to read.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

I think they're adorable lol.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

On paper, shy girls sound awesome, but I can't really recall ever meeting a shy girl in real life that I was attracted to. Shy people generally avoid social situations so it's easy to understand why shy guys and shy girls don't cross paths very often. And when we do, I usually fail to notice them because a lot of shy girls tend to under dress in order to not draw attention to themselves.


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## marenubium87 (Jan 11, 2009)

I'd likely end up assuming that they aren't interested in me as a friend/potential partner and pretty much give up rather than (what I'm perceiving as) annoying them even more.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I find quiet girls very attractive just something about them I really like.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

Have to admit I find them quite intimidating, particularly really attractive ones. I remember in high school there were several girls that had that trait but I couldn't get the nerve to talk to them simply because I had no idea what they were thinking or what they think of me. Sometimes us quiet people come off as stuck up or cocky. I notice when I'm more social people approach me MUCH, much more.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

I like them, but its hard to tell if they're shy or just disgusted by you. I'm intimidated enough by girls as it is and making a move while being uncertain if the girl likes me isn't going to happen.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

i hate that we might come off as snobby. thats totally not whats in my heart. many times ive tried initiating conversations with people and they seem uninterested/annoyed so i just shut up. i mean i dont go on and on and on whenever i do talk. sheesh. being quiet actually makes me stand out like a sore thumb. i think if people got to know me theyd see im not a snob. for now, i talk to mostly older people, like 35 and older. im so much more comfortable with them for some reason. probably because theyre less judgemental or whatever. theres been days ive tried to talk to people and just failed and thinking "see this is why i shouldnt talk" . anywho, i guess yeah, its too hard for shy girls to get to know shy guys because theyre both so quiet.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I think there is way more to a person than just that, but I like quiet girls over blunt loud and aggressive ones I guess. It is the loud *****y girls that come off as snobby.


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## mazer (Feb 12, 2010)

I think shy girls are great! The only problem is logistically getting to know them.

Also, when someone tells you that you are shy, that is not necessarily a negative comment. Possibly they are simply vocally noticing.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

yeah thats true, its funny, im shy and i think ill get less attention but sometimes i get more and i feel people feel bad because i am so quiet that there must be something wrong with me

ive tried to be outgoing but people seem annoyed or i get ignored, so whats the use!!


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

I never assume that a shy, quiet person (girl or guy) is snobby, mean, weird, or has something wrong with her/him. But that's because I'm quiet myself, and certainly wouldn't want anyone assuming such things about me.

In any case, I've had some serious crushes on quiet girls. I think shyness can be intriguing.


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## cemeterygates (Feb 15, 2010)

Awww. It makes me glad to know that guys like shy girls.


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

I never thought a quiet girl was snobby or mean. The trouble is 'normals' think that if you say nothing you either do not want to be socially engaged or that you are aloof. This is because we are social creatures and it is expected others will be social or there is something wrong with them. By doing nothing you offend them. I understand this now.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

I definitely prefer a quiet girl to a loud one. Optimal would be a nice introverted girl with some fiery passion underneath, that erupts at times. Oh yeah.

I would definitely want her to be able to speak her mind in my company though, so if she was shy to the extent that she couldn't be really comfortable with me, that wouldn't be so good.


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## blahgman (Jan 27, 2010)

I find myself way more attracted to quiet and/or shy girls. They're usually really cute, have a soft voice, don't bring unwanted attention, and in my experience have a really cute giggling laugh which I love for some unknown reason lol


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

mazer said:


> I think shy girls are great! The only problem is logistically getting to know them.
> 
> Also, when someone tells you that you are shy, that is not necessarily a negative comment. Possibly they are simply vocally noticing.


I basically agree. I never have anything against shy gals myself. However, it is much, much harder to get to know them, especially for an insecure guy.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

1applehearts1 said:


> what do you guys think of quiet shy girls. do we seem snobby or mean? or weird?


No, I know better. You're pretty difficult to read though.


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## NeoPhoenix (Feb 10, 2010)

Well, I'll give an honest answer from my point of view. Don't take it personally.

I have hung around with and tried dating a few quiet shy girls. Yes I think they are very cute, endearing, adorable and attractive... Until I want to get to know them and try carrying on a conversation.
I've found it to be too difficult to converse with a shy quiet girl. Getting non-answers and waiting ages for replies can get frustrating or they get annoyed with me. I want to know what my interests thoughts are and I want to hear from them, but if it just isn't happening, I have to let them go.

I understand shyness, not knowing what to say, I've been there, I am still there sometimes, but on my end it takes a lot of effort to keep up the communication which I feel is important is any relationship, especially early on. I want to meet someone halfway on it, but if they aren't or can't, it ultimately becomes too much stress for me.

I've found myself more comfortable with girls who tend to talk more than me now. They give me enough to play off and at least keep something going. 
Yeah, conservation is like a game and it's no good of the other person isn't playing. As much as I still like shy quiet girls, I can't really view them as dating material anymore.

I encourage the shy quiet girls to work at those conversations. Go ahead and make your mistakes and learn, get better at it. Its not nearly as hard as your mind makes it out to be.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

So there are some that like us.Doesn't seem that way when I'm out and then it's often "You're so shy.You should really talk more.Why are you so shy?"If they say it like that they do mean it as something negative.
I'm shy and very quiet in the beginning,but when I get comfortable with someone I do talk more and speak my mind.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Mr. Frostie said:


> I like them, but its hard to tell if they're shy or just disgusted by you. I'm intimidated enough by girls as it is and making a move while being uncertain if the girl likes me isn't going to happen.


Since I am unable to read minds (I'm not telepathic...yet), I don't know if they don't care that neither of us has said anything for 15 minutes (I don't care, but does she think it's weird or boring?) Or do I need to ask the hard questions that aren't exactly ones that make me sound confident (Do you like me?, If your mind likes me, why is your body language saying something else?, Are you afraid of what I think of you?, Is it OK to take things to the next level?)

It does add another layer of difficulty on top of dealing with our own social anxiety. However, once you get into a committed long term relationship, I bet things get better, and you can just enjoy each other's company without worrying about the possible negative thoughts.

I like them more.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

tlgibson97 said:


> People think its wierd because there are so many women that never shut up.


Takes a bold man to say that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think there is a part in most people that think quite people are strange, shy, weird, etc. It is kind of a fact of life. However, if you know what your about and what your capable of then it shouldn't bother you that bad. Sometimes I just tell myself that I honestly don't want to talk beyond reasons of shyness, and if I really wanted to I'd make it happen.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

for me, when people say "you should talk more" it makes me feel better, because it usually means that person wants to get to know me or wants me to speak up and like they care some how. 

also the guys ive always liked have always been pretty outgoing. i guess we compliment eachother. its easier sometimes, because they take the lead and talk to me first and then i open up.

its easier this way and then i get more comfortable and talk more. cause if a guy never talks to me or says hi or anything im gonna assume he isnt interested at all

so when guys start talking to me i think that they arent annoyed by me and are nice and feel comfortable around me so i open up a bit more with those type of people

im not so quiet that i cant have a conversation. im just bad at starting a convo. if someone initiates something with me like asking me how i am im good with that stuff.


but because of my sa, if a guy were to call me id get nervous and rather text. which seems more impersonal. but my sa, it makes me feel nervous talking to anyone on the phone


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I can't imagine ever being interested in a relationship with a girl who ISN'T at least somewhat quiet and introverted. It's pretty much a requirement in my book.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I prefer girls to be quiet. j/k ..

Shy girls are great one of the only girls I talk to was very shy when we first met but after a while she would talk more and more. Now if I could find one that isn't already dating someone. :no


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

its once because i once had a weird comment made to me now that i think of it in high school, some guy said i was too quiet or something. some people look down upon quiet people like aliens sometimes, its annoying. so what if i dont want to be loud and obnoxious, then again a lot of guys seem to like those girls.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Reading some of the responses in this thread has given me alot of new insight. I've always realised that there's some guys out there who like quiet women. But I always believed up till now the majority of guys preferred women (not just when it comes to seeing females as a potential mate, but just as someone they'd potentially like to get to know) who were self confident to the point of being really outgoing and even loud. It's also come to my notice that *****y women can still easily attract guys - because they put across that impression that they're strong confident people (though that's often not true about them). Some guys seem to be very attracted to that, and are actually turned off by nice quiet women. 

It's comforting (to me anyways) to know that alot of guys out there actually don't think like this at all. I think next time I meet a guy I don't know (I tend to get really nervous to talking to guys I don't know as a rule as part of my SA) - I'll bear that in mind next time I'm tempted to resort to nervous babbling in an attempt to hide my quietness lol!


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## prettybrowneyes (Feb 4, 2010)

It's nice to know shy girls are seen as attractive, it just sucks that most guys don't take the risk in approaching us. I honestly feel that's why guys never approach me. Or it could be for other reasons lol, I have no idea.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Smythe said:


> You don't have to be loud and obnoxious. But one word answers and doing all you can to avoid eye contact sends a very strong signal of disinterest. I'm far more likely to spend my time talking to someone who shows at least a little interest. I'm shy and insecure too, I need to know my company is wanted :b


I think that makes alot of sense. Thanks for sharing your input!


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

yeah it is nice to know guys like quiet girls sometimes. the thing is i feel because im quiet that im boring and even when i do talk im boring, but actually i have a lot to say. when someone brings something up im passionate about like a certain band or politics or whatever i get more social


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## NervousInDublin (Feb 19, 2010)

I LOVE quiet girls. 

quiet girls just for me give of a aura of intelligence (intelligence is big turn on), and respect and ladylike-ness (not an actual word) 

I dislike loudmouth girls who never stop talking (humans have two hears and one mouth for a reason), and this is going to sound totally sexist and I'm sorry in advance for it, but men should be the loudmouths, men should be the ones shouting at the sport on TV, men should be the one acting the clown. 

there's nothing wrong with quiet girls, if I was dating a quiet girl and someone commented negatively on her I'd smack the person (if it was a guy) and if it was a girl she'd get a earful. The quiet girl could be quiet with me all she wants but I find that quiet girls quickly come out of their shells with their close peeps. I mean how many girls are really quiet with their boyfriends?


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

NervousInDublin said:


> I mean how many girls are really quiet with their boyfriends?


lol! I know I'm not. Around my boyfriend - if anything - I'm the opposite. I tend to talk too much. Not intentionally, but it's a habit I tend to fall into. Sometimes I think he finds it kind of annoying, as without meaning to I start to blabber and forget he wants to speak too. It's a habit I'm trying to to break though (as can appreciate how annoying it can feel to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing). A habit I'm trying to break around him anyways. Put me in front of some people I don't know - or at least barely know/don't feel super comfortable around - I'm pretty much the total opposite.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

yeah if i had a boyfriend, id be more open. like i am with my family. you dont really have sa around your family. i dont even think of it. im so comfy with them. 

so it seems that some guys on here prefer the more passive girls than the aggressive ones?


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

the truth is, from kindergarten til 12th grade i went to almost ten different schools. i never stayed in the same school for more than two years. after my parents traumatic divorce, at 6 i became a little less happy and outgoing. 

i got picked on for being quiet in a lot of the schools i went too. because i didnt fit in, i was quiet and different. by the time i got to high school i was so hurt i became even more quiet i think this is when i got SA. age 13-14. 

i remember in middle school some of the guys would pick on me because i was passive and quiet and would cuss and say the rudest things to me for no reason. and a lot of the girls too. i mean being quiet was my defense mechanism and it obviously backfired on me. but whenever i did try at school is also backfired. i was quiet, i got picked on. i tried to make friends and talk more - got picked on. 

so i always think theres this negative stigma associated with being quiet. like im a freak.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I think people are uncomfortable with quiet people. It's usually the people who never shut up. They dont understand that you dont want to broadcast your life to everyone or draw attention to yourself and you just want to do your work and go home.

Moving around a lot makes you the new guy quite often and people are afraid af anything new. I like to think that is better than going to school with the same people your whole life who still remember you as the dirty snot-nosed kid.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

This is just my opinion, so take it as just that, an opinion (I think the truth is much more complicated than this). I think there's an underlying social imperative in many familial/friendship circles that enforces the expectation that women should be shy, which conditions women within these circles to be shy. Men in these circles are conditioned to prefer shy girls. I think this may be why so many guys here that prefer shy girls can't really explain why.

Personally, I prefer women that are about as shy/quiet as I am. In most social situations, I'm not particularly shy, nor am I particularly extroverted. I can crack a good joke here and there and carry out conversations in small groups, but I'm not the life of a party, especially in a large group. I want a woman who will want to stay in and watch a movie with me rather than expect me to search the city to come up with something fun for us to do.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, for me, it's like this... I feel if I don't have self-confidence than I don't want to be in a relationship or date. That being said, a quiet girl wouldn't bother me because, assuming we are dating, I'd be confident enough to hold the party together. I believe that no matter how quiet someone is, they are just as outgoing given enough confidence and trust. If a quiet girl is that way towards me and not interested then I'd move on...


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## metallica2147 (Feb 15, 2010)

I like quiet girls, I think they're cute and interesting, but it would be so difficult to have a relationship with them. At least that's what I think.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

^ just because someone is quiet initially, does not mean they will remain quiet as u get to know them.


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## metallica2147 (Feb 15, 2010)

lonelygirl88 said:


> ^ just because someone is quiet initially, does not mean they will remain quiet as u get to know them.


Yeah, I never thought of it that way. Stupid me.


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## Noskat (Feb 26, 2010)

I'll echo the sentiment that quiet girls often seem especially cute or intriguing. As to whether their untalkativeness makes them more or less accessible, I'm not even sure.


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## mydoublelife (Dec 27, 2009)

lonelygirl88 said:


> ^ just because someone is quiet initially, does not mean they will remain quiet as u get to know them.


This is very true, well, only because I am myself. At the beginning i'm almost constantly trying to think of what to say, and always trying to keep the conversation afloat. After a few times, it gets easier with each time but. whew, that first little bit is a rough road for me.

I find that once ive warmed up, I talk alot without thinking anymore. I no longer try to think of things to talk about, I just say what comes to mind. 
And when getting to know a girl, I Always pay careful attention to the shy girls. I find it interesting and I would try getting her to talk and to get to know her. I ignore very social, obnoxious girls after a glance, no matter how good they try to sound or look. I like a quiet girl because I am similar, I'm quite sure we would relate on many things because of this, giving me things to talk about.


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## mydoublelife (Dec 27, 2009)

^^ after reading what I just wrote I realized grammar is not my forte. 

haha i guess I'm not perfect after all


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## Tiffx (Sep 28, 2009)

lonelygirl88 said:


> ^ just because someone is quiet initially, does not mean they will remain quiet as u get to know them.


Exactly. 
I really start to open up to people once I get to know them and I'm comfortable with them. It's just a matter of being given a chance.


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## SADuser (Jul 9, 2009)

I would love to meet one. It would be difficult socializing, but atleast i wouldn't feel so alone.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I think it's like anything else. Some guys like quiet girls and even prefer them, while other guys feel more comfortable around outgoing, talkative girls. And some guys just like boobs.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

I prefer mature, intelligent girls (quietness is ok with me). 

girls who don't know anything about the world, immature, are "airheads", have big egos, and are obnoxiously loud are quite a turn off for me


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## NemoNevermore (Aug 7, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> Ive had male teachers/coworkers point out to me the past 4-5 years that im really quiet. i want to shout out " YES! I KNOW IM JUST TOO DANG NERVOUS TO TALK!"
> 
> do guys view quiet girls as some weird phenomena or something? i usually say"thats not always a bad thing, is it?" and that usually stumps them
> 
> ...


I find them mysterious and attractive, and the entire nervous thing can actually seem cute. However, if they're so quiet that they make me do all the work in the conversation, I'll either assume they're not interested or believe they're not worth the work.


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