# Dating site or real world. Which is better?



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I had a dating profile last year. I met like one girl I liked, and not even romantically. Everyone else was either boring or b****y. In fact, I just looked it up again today and I'm seeing the exact same thing. The thing is that I'm unfortunately real picky. I like people who are similar to me, relaxed and easy going, yet exciting and interesting. 

One profile from a girl on there read something along the lines of, "I'm looking for people to talk with, but I'm also negative and a b***h so f*** you if you don't like it!" Yes, that's how you attract people, by overwhelming them with all of your negative qualities and then insult them for not liking it. 

At this point I'm not sure if I want to try it anymore. I've barely made any attempt in the real world to try to meet people. Maybe I can change that this summer?


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## garycoleman (Feb 9, 2012)

I think most girls on dating websites are bat**** crazy


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Tell me about it. On my profile I said I was a cuddly person. Some girl sent me a message saying I could cuddle her all night long, which is just a little too forward. If I was to talk with someone in the real world, that wouldn't happen.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I think real world is better.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Real world is better, but on the other hand dating sites cut a lot of corners and get people together faster. Problem is it's hard to find an okay match, and people go at it with too high expectations, thus are easily disappointed.

I must say though, if a girl messaged me saying I could cuddle her all night long and her profile was okay, I'd bite. Dating sites are meant to have fun!


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

Dating sites are trash, 95% of all guys answer all messages, 50% of girls, if not less, ignore many, many messages... Because they can.


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## puffins (Mar 9, 2011)

honestly I used OKcupid and have had quite some success. granted yes i'm female so the ratio is in my favor.


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## garycoleman (Feb 9, 2012)

I met my current g/f in real life and we had no clue about each other, so we gave each other a chance. Although we don't share the same interests we found we were compatible and had chemistry.

If I had saw her on a dating website I would have probably skipped over her because we don't have the same interests. Dating sites makes it too easy to skip over people.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Real world, hands down.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I was thinking for a while that I would start it up again, but I really don't think it will work. Something feels odd to me about having to introduce myself through a profile before someone gets to know me. I'd prefer to just meet up with someone in real life and find out more about each other through casual conversation. It's more exciting to not know much about a person when you first meet them. 

Too bad I'm extremely shy, otherwise I would have made a lot of friends in my drama program by now since we share many similar interests. Oh well, I guess it can't be changed now.


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## jeff almighty (Jan 20, 2012)

I don't know if one is better than the other. People you meet online or in real life can be just as crazy or normal as the other one. My experience with dating people from online or people I've met in real life has been about the same.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> I was thinking for a while that I would start it up again, but I really don't think it will work. Something feels odd to me about having to introduce myself through a profile before someone gets to know me. I'd prefer to just meet up with someone in real life and find out more about each other through casual conversation. It's more exciting to not know much about a person when you first meet them.


When you put it that way, a dating profile sounds like a spoiler lol.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I have had tons of success from online. I see no reason to pick one or the other. They can both work out.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Real world. What you see is what you get, and there are no false expectations built up like which can happen online. You can learn about the other person(body language for ex) without asking them a question. It's much more personal and you can communicate much better than someone at the other end of a computer screen. 

The only advantage of online is that you can find someone who you may not have found if it werent for the internet. Though, not trying to downplay dating sites...that can be a pretty big selling point.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Real world, no questions about it. But I say this personally. Other people can be better online. Last month I got 40 numbers online. Two dates of those forty numbers. Nether of the girls I met I was interested in when I met them. While I admit, I probably messed a lot of the numbers up because I asked for first dates at my house, when I got down to 20 numbers I started asking for public dates and they still weren't that serious in meeting so I deleted all the forty numbers. A week prior to getting those numbers I am still dating two girls I met from a bar in real life, and I could probably be dating more from real life if I was more actively pursuing it. I am too impatient for online and the girls are too paranoid because so many dumbasses are online doing creepy ****. Personally, when I meet a girl in real life there is thing thing called "chemistry" that pretty much usually seals the deal. My method of online is a few emails back and forth and then I like to get the number and then text for a date which is why it isn't really my style of meeting girls because I am too impatient to write books back and forth to each other before meeting in person and finding out if there actually is physical interest or chemistry. I should call the girl first after getting a number from POF but I don't do it unless I get flaked on enough by enough girls to make me do it. Real life saves me the hassle of all that crap. 

Might as well call Plentyoffish PlentyofFLAKES lol...


P.S. to get those 40 numbers I had to go through probably close to 300 emails (probably more actually because that's only 10 emails a day in a month--I would send 20 or more a day if I could sometimes). Most the emails I sent out were not written back (as normal). The ones who did write back, I had a 60% or higher chance of getting their number. Even with all that effort I put out last month, NONE of the numbers panned out for reasons stated above.

P.S.S. actually, i'm sure it had to be over 300 emails i sent out easily because POF has a copy and paste blocker that goes into effect after 40 or more copied emails per day. I would sometimes get blocked from sending messages because i would reach that limit in a day! So I definitely think I sent more than 500+ emails in a month's time. No joke.

When girls go online they get their inboxes flooded with guys emailing them. This is BS and explains why many guys don't get responded to. For those of you people who remember me starting a thread about this, I set up a fake profile with a cute girl and she got 60+ emails a day! Meanwhile, I have three of four girls who I met in real life texting me on their own accord? How is this possible if real life wasn't at an advantage for me?


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

Real world. Online mostly works only for the good looking or well written. Neither group in which I'm a member. But I also have a tendency not to get out much, which doesn't help the the real world situation much either.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

For guys anyway, the real world is much better. 

I mean my real world love success is pretty horrible but at least in the real world when I say "hello" to a girl the common reaction is to at least say hello back the odd reaction is to ignore me, on dating sites it is reverse.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Real world I guess, thats the normal way to go about things..

But dating sites are good too I know a few people who met their girlfriend/boyfriend on them.

Either of them are better than not having either option available


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## vanwa (Apr 17, 2012)

ive never had luck with either of them, but the websites ive signed up for all the guys in my area were "just looking for a good time " or 20+ years older than me (which i am just not comfortable with), now im sure not all people on the sites are like that, and im sure people in bars may be thinking the same thing, but it doesnt feel quite as sleazy to me as the blatant text on profiles.

besides, i think of it this way:
all the people who are on dating sites should technically also be in the real world.
everyone in the real world isnt on a dating site.
the pond is much bigger outside of websites.


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## puffins (Mar 9, 2011)

garycoleman said:


> I met my current g/f in real life and we had no clue about each other, so we gave each other a chance. Although we don't share the same interests we found we were compatible and had chemistry.
> 
> If I had saw her on a dating website I would have probably skipped over her because we don't have the same interests. Dating sites makes it too easy to skip over people.


unless you're intelligent and realize that all of the "matching science" is complete crap anyway and just read through the profiles instead.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Real life is better..!!!!


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Well the point of dating sites is to find compatible people and eventually meet up in the real world? 

I went on POF and got to meet some really cool guys. Had coffee/lunch dates and got to know them in person. 

They aren't all sleazebags and nymphos...


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Some girl sent me a message saying I could cuddle her all night long, which is just a little too forward.


Did I really just read that? Dude.

Anyway, god DAMN. YES, dating sites are AWFUL. At least, awfully BORING. Any time I go on Plenty of Fish, I get turned right off the prospect of dating. I look at profiles and all I can think is, "Umm, is there any SUBSTANCE TO YOU?" And man, if I see one more "Live Love Laugh" quote on there, I'm going to tear my eyes out.

I know this is harsh and that they actually DO have substance to them (well, most of them). I just wish people would put more effort into their profiles. Most of them sound so cookie-cutter and that's a turn-off for me.

"HI I'm some girl, I don't like drama. I have a dog and a fish. Let's do something fun!" BOOOOOOOORING.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Just Lurking:1059847680 said:


> CrimsonTrigger said:
> 
> 
> > Some girl sent me a message saying I could cuddle her all night long, which is just a little too forward.
> ...


So many guys on SAS are so judgemental...it just reeks of bitterness. They will complain that girls are too superficial and all this stuff and yet will bash them to high hell without giving them a chance. So hypocritical. It's like..yes, there are a lot of dumb girls on POF, just like there are a lot of dumb people in real life. Get over it. How about focusing on the girls that are actually interesting (or just stopping being so damn picky), and maybe things will be a bit less boring for you.


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## lettersnumbers (Apr 15, 2012)

I've dated two people I met on POF, I'd take real world over that any day, people on dating sites can lie and you'll never know, the real world they can lie too but its easier to get a hold of the situation and save yourself time.

Some people online also don't have any intentions of meeting people even if they say they do, time wasters.. But I guess they arnt all that bad.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> You probably got less responses because you were sending copy and paste messages. I only respond to those if the guy is super hot, otherwise I delete them cause I figure the guy is doing the spam method.
> 
> I've had better luck at bars than online dating too though. Bars seem more natural and less forced than online dates.


I can understand this but the girl won't know it's a spammed message unless she states to respond a certain way (some do), or if she sees the same message somewhere else. From my perspective, the response rate isn't all that anyway so I might as well send out a ton of messages copy and paste and see who is actually interested instead of going through every profile reading them all then responding to that; although, I do admit, my response rate would probably be better if I did, just not enough it'd make me change my method. Unfortunately, spamming is the best on time and energy instead of waiting and hoping one or two girls respond to a message. Some don't respond for days. Sounds kinda messed up, but so is the fact that these girls are getting TONS of messages. I think it relatively a smart and fair move on my part honestly. When a girl does decide to repsond then I give her personal attention. It's like saying "hey" to a group of people in a public crowd and then responding to the one who turns around and says "hello" back. My emails aren't too typical either.

A girl deleting my spammed message because it's a spammed message is basically rejecting a "hello" in my opinion. I don't see why women would be offended--not saying you are--unless they didn't like my picture or profile, but if that's the case then it still wouldn't change her response even if I sent a personal thing about her profile or something. Not that I'm complaining, but women who don't get much messages respond because they don't have the luxury of saying to themselves "Oh, this isn't all that interesting. Next.", which is basically what happens to guys, which is another reason I don't like the dynamics online.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bwidger85:1059847922 said:


> komorikun said:
> 
> 
> > You probably got less responses because you were sending copy and paste messages. I only respond to those if the guy is super hot, otherwise I delete them cause I figure the guy is doing the spam method.
> ...


I've tried both and creating an interesting message that shows I've read their profile works much better, for me anyway. I'll find 4 or 5 girls every once in a while when I feel like it and craft some decent messages. It really doesn't take very long at all, and the response rate is much higher than when I spam a message to a hundred girls. Not only that, but it allows me to be more selective and send quality messages to quality girls instead of crappy messages to a bunch of girls I don't really care about with maybe a few gems in there. But it's like...if I find a girl who seems interesting, why would I want to waste that possible opportunity by sending her something she's going to immediately delete?

Also, you don't need to send a nice message and then "wait and hope." You just send the message and then move on to the next girl. If the previous one responds, great. Otherwise, you're no worse for the wear and at the very least you've practiced being witty and interesting.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I'd say real world on the whole, but if you're a loner then dating sites are better than nothing. Neither seems much good to me now though.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

That one girl I met on POF and I were actually talking about that website and she mentioned that there were so many boring guys on there. I mentioned that there are a lot of boring girls too. You know how when you make a profile it asks you to make a headline? The example given is looking for a kind hearted man, or something along that line. Turns out that's many girls have those exact words as their headline. 

Perhaps I'm being picky, but that turns me off because it shows that this girl has little creativity, and that's the kind of thing I need in my life. I don't like plain people. Many girls likely don't talk to me because I come across as plain, which is okay, but I know I'm definitely not. I just need to work on my shyness and getting myself out there more.

That's just me personally.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> I had a dating profile last year. I met like one girl I liked, and not even romantically. Everyone else was either boring or b****y. In fact, I just looked it up again today and I'm seeing the exact same thing. The thing is that I'm unfortunately real picky. I like people who are similar to me, relaxed and easy going, yet exciting and interesting.
> 
> One profile from a girl on there read something along the lines of, "I'm looking for people to talk with, but I'm also negative and a b***h so f*** you if you don't like it!" Yes, that's how you attract people, by overwhelming them with all of your negative qualities and then insult them for not liking it.
> 
> At this point I'm not sure if I want to try it anymore. I've barely made any attempt in the real world to try to meet people. Maybe I can change that this summer?


I would not message that girl if I were you either. I say both are good at the same time.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

rymo said:


> So many guys on SAS are so judgemental...it just reeks of bitterness. They will complain that girls are too superficial and all this stuff and yet will bash them to high hell without giving them a chance. So hypocritical. It's like..yes, there are a lot of dumb girls on POF, just like there are a lot of dumb people in real life. Get over it. How about focusing on the girls that are actually interesting (or just stopping being so damn picky), and maybe things will be a bit less boring for you.


Rymo, why don't you get a ****ing clue before spewing your bull****.

I'd like you to point out _one single post_ where I've complained about girls' "superficiality" and pickiness. If you actually had a *clue*, you would know I'm _very strongly_ in favour of NOT settling for something you don't want. If you're picky, then BE picky. What do I care? My post was about BORING PROFILES, which as I said, is a turn-off for me (put some effort into it!), and nothing more.

"So many guys on SAS are so judgemental" -- Maybe you should take a look in the mirror as you say that, and stop putting words in my mouth.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Just Lurking said:


> Rymo, why don't you get a ****ing clue before spewing your bull****.
> 
> I'd like you to point out _one single post_ where I've complained about girls' "superficiality" and pickiness. If you actually had a *clue*, you would know I'm _very strongly_ in favour of NOT settling for something you don't want. If you're picky, then BE picky. What do I care? My post was about BORING PROFILES, which as I said, is a turn-off for me (put some effort into it!), and nothing more.
> 
> "So many guys on SAS are so judgemental" -- Maybe you should take a look in the mirror as you say that, and stop putting words in my mouth.


I wasn't talking about you specifically, your post just inspired mine. Why are you so defensive? Yikes.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

What's with guys on POF with some story about saving a kitten 8 years ago on their profile? Let me just gag on the braggery. :flush


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

That's one reason why I don't want to try it again. I don't want to have to tell a story or put it all out there right off the bat. I'd rather take time to get to know all of that from a conversation from someone in real life. The internet is so boring to me sometimes, yet most of the time it's the only way I know how to communicate.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> That's one reason why I don't want to try it again. I don't want to have to tell a story or put it all out there right off the bat. I'd rather take time to get to know all of that from a conversation from someone in real life. The internet is so boring to me sometimes, yet most of the time it's the only way I know how to communicate.


For a lot of us though people will dismiss us at the first impression so no one will even get to see the good stuff which is right there on profiles on dating sites.


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## hahahaha (Mar 21, 2012)

er real world for me


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

Real world, no doubt. When the internet didn't exist, that was the only approach and the best one imo.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Insanityonthego said:


> Real world, no doubt. When the internet didn't exist, that was the only approach and the best one imo.


Yes, when the internet didn't exist the real world was the best option.


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

rymo said:


> Yes, when the internet didn't exist the real world was the best option.


It was more like forced military duty lol Ain't that a *****?


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Real world, hands down. You can tell right off the bat if there's attraction/chemistry. Online is a classic case of "looks good on paper, bad in practice." Sure, online works, but I'm sure everyone's had that experience where you get all excited at a possible match, and when you meet there's absolutely nothing going on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying online dating is bad, and you shouldn't do it, but for me personally, "real world" is always preferable.


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## xJoshx (Apr 29, 2010)

sean88 said:


> Real world, hands down. You can tell right off the bat if there's attraction/chemistry. Online is a classic case of "looks good on paper, bad in practice." Sure, online works, but I'm sure everyone's had that experience where you get all excited at a possible match, and when you meet there's absolutely nothing going on.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying online dating is bad, and you shouldn't do it, but for me personally, "real world" is always preferable.


Pretty much how my experience went, I found online really good for facing my social fears and actually meeting girls, I was so nervous on the first few dates after a while it became second nature, In the end after a date or several things just didn't work. Which leads onto the next part.

I find real life much more flirtatious and you can really gauge after a few weeks of being around someone (if be work, school etc) that it seems so comfortable and quite exhilarating where as online i found extremely boring.

+1 RL


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## Kingpin (Nov 8, 2011)

There's only one good dating site I know of that's not complete sh*te. A friend of mine keeps getting super fine girls via it but it costs 40 bucks a month.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i found dating sites to be ok. its nice to just have your profile up there, just in case someone has a look and is interested. i did encounter a few girls who took the time to look at profiles and initiate messaging with guys that they're interested in - was with one of those girls for 3 years. so even if you're not messaging anyone, its good to just have something out there, in the same way you let your friends know you're looking.

any method of meeting girls is a good method.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Tell me about it. On my profile I said I was a cuddly person. Some girl sent me a message saying I could cuddle her all night long, which is just a little too forward. If I was to talk with someone in the real world, that wouldn't happen.


If she was attractive, I would have been really turned on.

I will say most people on dating sites are extremely boring, generic, have unrealistic expectations etc.

All profiles have almost the exact same content. I would be attracted to a quiet, nerdy girl who hates sports and partying. Instead, girls just talk about how much they love sports and partying, which means I will have nothing in common with them.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I don't see how a dating site could in any way compare to meeting someone in the real world. People online are much more shallow than they probably would be in real life.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

ive had a little luck in the real world and online...


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

See, the problem is, I don't go out enough to meet anyone in the real world.

Online dating is the only outlet where I can mingle without getting overwhelming SA.


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## restinfish (Sep 8, 2012)

there is no better or worse option, relationships are different for everyone
the only problem for me is that most people i meet online are not really telling me anything about themselves when we talk, i mean i miss that sparkle of personality that you can experience in real life but i believe there's a few "special" people who you can love just by... i don't know. the way they text

you can find ways to love someone by any means of communication you have with them, you just have to try


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

real world. Too much bulls&^% on the internet.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Definitely real world. It's much easier to find out if that 'chemistry' is there. It's very disheartening to feel like you share something with another person only to find out its not really there when you meet up. For all the smokescreen protection the internet provides, it's far easier to be hurt. In real life you know pretty quickly if something's going to work, sometimes even by a few moments of eye contact. Online, your hopes can get raised to ridiculous levels and your expectations can be horribly dashed. 
That being said, it CAN work. I met my ex online, though it wasn't through a dating site, just a random conversation that started on some film forum. I had seen him in real life before but never made that connection. Didn't recognise him at all from his pics. Although we did end up together for almost two years and shared a place together, meeting him in real life after chatting online was not the magical moment either me or he expected. He didn't look like his photos, and his body language was a lot more cold than his online personality suggested so at first I felt like it wasn't going to work. Though, the more we talked and joked about, the easier it became and it felt like getting to know him again. You have to hold back your expectations a lot if you're going the online route because meeting them will be ultimately disappointing. Nobody ever fully meets the imaginations hopes.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Canucklehead said:


> See, the problem is, I don't go out enough to meet anyone in the real world.
> 
> Online dating is the only outlet where I can mingle without getting overwhelming SA.


This, basically. Got all my exes from dating sites. Can't say i've ever, for some reason, managed to find a gf via real life contacts.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Canucklehead said:


> See, the problem is, I don't go out enough to meet anyone in the real world.
> 
> Online dating is the only outlet where I can mingle without getting overwhelming SA.


This is my issue, one that I'm working on. Overall I think real life is better. But it's not easy getting over that approach anxiety.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

My sister met her first (and only) bf on a dating website.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

I dont think its a matter of choice

for many guys real world is not a choice due to anxiety issues. If given a choice 100 percent of people would choose the real world, 

you are not considering the proper constraints


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## splitimage (Jul 18, 2012)

I feel like I'm the odd one out... Even with my anxiety, I would rather meet someone face to face than through a dating site. Whether it's lack of confidence, fear of failure, anxiety, or a little bit of everything, I'm afraid of not coming across as the person a potential date expected me to be (if that makes sense.) I'd rather meet them without them having any previous expectations. At least if it goes horribly on the first date, there wasn't anything lost.

But then again, that hasn't been working much for me either


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Tell me about it. On my profile I said I was a cuddly person. Some girl sent me a message saying I could cuddle her all night long, which is just a little too forward. If I was to talk with someone in the real world, that wouldn't happen.


And you didn't go for it??


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

No difference. Everybody uses the Internet, so in effect it is real life. You have a lot more opportunity online.

Frankly I'm surprised at the overwhelming real world sentiment here. Times have changed, this isn't 1998.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

I've never been on a dating site before, but I'll use the internet in general as an example. I think that I am more outgoing and witty online than in real life. Conversations and relationships move at a faster pace online than they do in real life. It can boost your confidence about dating.

In real life, though, those small moments of gazing into someone's eyes for a long time, the butterflies you get when you see them, and the happy shyness you get when they compliment you or say something sweet can not be replaced. 

Plus, in real life, you know that they like you for who you are and not some online persona, which can be unjustly glorified no matter how honest you think you made it.


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## DenizenOfDespair (Aug 13, 2012)

I'm probably in the minority but I don't care for either


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