# Do you try and hide your depression?



## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Do you try and hide your depression? I hurt onn the inside, i battle depression everyday. I try my best to hide it and keep it in, only crying alone in my room at night. :rain


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

Sometimes I can hide it, sometimes, I can't, no matter how hard I try.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I make no effort to hide it. Did any of you think I was a happy guy?


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## Broshious (Dec 23, 2006)

UltraShy said:


> I make no effort to hide it. Did any of you think I was a happy guy?


I actually thought they may have made Cheer Bear after you.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

I used to but I don't care anymore. As long as I'm not crying in public I'm good.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

mserychic said:


> I used to but I don't care anymore. As long as I'm not crying in public I'm good.


I only cry when I'm alone.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Around my family, most of the time, but sometimes I just don't have the energy.


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## Melissa24 (Feb 1, 2007)

Yes I try my best to hide it. The very few people I have a relationship with wouldn't have a clue. I hide it because I believe they wouldn't take me seriously. I attempted to tell my mom how unhappy I am the other day and she acted like I have no good reason to be depressed. This frustrates me to no end because she's my closest friend.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

All the time. Some days I've been so severely depressed I had to fight back the tears at work. Nobody in real life has any idea how lonely I really am and how much I hurt inside.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

There's nobody to hide it from. I am rarely around others.


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## katelyn (Jul 11, 2006)

I cry in my room at night too. Anywhere else, I don't think people notice I'm depressed because I'm always quiet.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Lonelyguy said:


> All the time. Some days I've been so severely depressed I had to fight back the tears at work. Nobody in real life has any idea how lonely I really am and how much I hurt inside.


I been like this big time the last month. Except my comes out being very irritable. Every little thing will make me snap. I also have been more standoffish around other people in real life and online.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

Lonelyguy said:


> All the time. Some days I've been so severely depressed I had to fight back the tears at work. Nobody in real life has any idea how lonely I really am and how much I hurt inside.


Same here. I put on my happy face even though I'm dying inside. Letting it out would probably make things worse.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

leppardess said:


> mserychic said:
> 
> 
> > I used to but I don't care anymore. As long as I'm not crying in public I'm good.
> ...


Normally that's what I do. I go into like robot mode in public. Lately I've been tearing up at the littlest things no matter where I am and it's getting annoying.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

mserychic said:


> leppardess said:
> 
> 
> > mserychic said:
> ...


 ((((((((((((((((((Kori))))))))))))))))))))
Yeah, I know what you mean. Lately, it's been hard for me to keep it in too. The other day, I went to the store to get some food and I saw something that triggered me (these days, anything, sound, smell, something I see or imagine that I see can do it...) and I had to fight to keep myself from crying right then and there.

I try to keep my feelings hidden but now, I'm really wondering if that's the best thing to do. All my life, I've gotten really good at hiding my depression and anxiety and now, it's popping out at really bad times, when I least expect it to well up.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

^ Yea that's the problem with bottling things up. Eventually the bottle get full. I'm thinking I was wrong with my first answer up there. I still hide it out of habit and out of not knowing how to let things out in an appropriate manor.. but I don't care if people know anymore.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

mserychic said:


> ^ Yea that's the problem with bottling things up. Eventually the bottle get full. I'm thinking I was wrong with my first answer up there. I still hide it out of habit *and out of not knowing how to let things out in an appropriate manor*.. but I don't care if people know anymore.


Yeah, I can relate, especially the part that I bolded. Even when someone that really cares about me asks 'what's bothering you?', I still have a hard time talking about it.... maybe because I've 'not talked' about it for so long that I don't know how to address it directly. Now... if I'm in a conversation with someone and something that triggers me comes up, I might talk about it. Yes, I'm weird...


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I tend to just whine about it here, making myself look like a baby and/or weirdo.


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## DuckandCover (Sep 20, 2007)

I am not always depressed, just once in a while. When my depression flares up, I just try to supress it as much as possbile. Then after a while, all my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks and then it gets from bad...to worse. I don't think I handle my depression in the most healthy manner.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I'm not as depressed as I used to be but when I am I usually try to hide it unless I'm SEVERELY depressed, then I don't care who knows it & it always shows.


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## starblob (Oct 23, 2005)

I always hide it - without question and without exception. My fear of pity prevents me from exposing my depression. I just couldn't stand it.


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## AliciaH (Sep 28, 2007)

yup i do that. i try to act really normal though but it seems like people can see through the act. people notice it too, strangers like to tell sad people "smile" that pisses me off. i cant smile, i have a strange smile. anyways..


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

All the time, basically.


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## fenny45 (Sep 25, 2007)

i can relate to the person that said their parents just tell them they have no reason to be depressed. I remember telling my parents once a friend of mine was depressed, thye just said how can a teenager be depressed, how bad can their life be. When i myself became depressed after years of SA my mom wouldnt beleive me. "You don't need antidepressants, you arnt depressed, you smile all the time." And thats the worst. just made me feel guilty about being depressed.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

fenny45 said:


> When i myself became depressed after years of SA my mom wouldnt beleive me. "You don't need antidepressants, you arnt depressed, you smile all the time." And thats the worst. just made me feel guilty about being depressed.


I know, right! Isn't that awful? When your own parents don't believe you.

I broke down a bawled my stupid eyes out the first time I mentioned my social anxiety to my mom. Even after that she didn't think I eneded to be on medication or anything and was all "are you sure it's not this or that blah blah blah you can't self-diagnose yourself" and so on. Don't tell me what I am, kthnx. I think I now myself a TAD better than you.

It made me feel guilty, too. Like I was just looking to be on meds because I'm some sort of desperate junkie. Too bad people can be so idiotic.


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## dannyallalone (Sep 6, 2007)

When I was in high school I had a really bad depressive episode. I just started crying right in the middle of the classroom. Thank god it was before class or I never would have been able to show my face around that school again.

My teacher sent me to the councilor and we had a talk about depression and self-esteem and he decided to call my mom and talk with her about it. I was so relieved. I'd felt this way for years but had been unable to talk to anyone about it, especially my mom. They talked for a while and I thought my mother might actually get it.

I get home and she attacks me. How DARE I start crying in school? How DARE I make people think she's a bad parent? She told me that they were going to arrest her and throw me in an institution if I did it again. What would happen to my brother and sister? What would happen to me?

After that I turned into super happy boy. I had always been good at hiding my emotions, what with trying so hard to fit in and all. It was non stop smiles, smiles and more smiles from then on. If anyone had the slightest hint that there was anything wrong with me, they never said anything. And neither did I.

It was more than a decade before I said word one to anyone about what was really going on with me.


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## korey (Apr 25, 2006)

Is it strange that I _don't_ cry in response to depression? Not emotionally, at least. It seems most all of you do, but I don't. I have a theory that some of my medication might be suppressing my ability to physically express emotion. For instance, I cannot laugh normally. If I find something funny, I will mentally know that it's funny, but it takes physical effort to let out a short half-laugh. My eyes begin to water sometimes when I'm feeling particularly down, but other than tears, there aren't any signs of crying or sadness at all. Imagine an expressionless mannequin who suddenly starts sprouting water from its eyes without moving a facial muscle, and you'll have an idea of what my version of crying is like.

As for hiding depression...I think my personality has grown intertwined with it, so being quiet and gloomy is what's considered normal of me.


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## Kneeko (Jun 3, 2007)

No its not strange, alot of times depression can make it impossible to cry. I haven't in years. As far as the original topic, I don't hide the fact of my depression from anyone, but on the surface I smile and am friendly.


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## missglooms (Oct 6, 2007)

i cant hide it because it shows on my face. i wish i could! lol


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## Perfectly~Flawed (Jun 13, 2005)

.


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## crash911 (Oct 4, 2007)

Yes, I pretend I'm happy, when I haven't felt happy in two years. I'm too scared to tell anybody.


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## VetChick (Oct 2, 2007)

i try...most of the time it works. I wish that I could just tell them that i'm depressed, but ... eh.


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## Len (Oct 19, 2007)

People see me as happy and fun but I'm a complete wreck inside. On the walk home tonight, by myself, I pretty much just cried the whole way.

And I just found this board, so hi


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## KimberlyK (Nov 11, 2004)

I am very good at hiding my depression. Just the other day I was talking to someone who also suffers from it. When I mentioned to him my battle with depression he said, "But you are always so happy and upbeat!" I'm the same way with my SA.


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## kevinffcp (Aug 30, 2007)

:cry :cry :cry


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## alex989 (Nov 20, 2005)

I cannot cry or show emotion. When my dad died when I was 14 I did not cry once, yet my whole family did and probably wondered why I wasn't. I've never cried when I have been depressed. I cannot remember the last time I cried, I must have been a little kid.


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## kitterbug (Oct 25, 2007)

Yes i do. But they can tell because i close myself up and keep to myself. And i talk nothing about it until one day it all comes out and i often say "I'm sick of acting like everything is ok. Everything is NOT ok!".


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yes i do. even with my family, if i'm feeling horribly depressed i'll make sure that i seem normal to avoid talking about it. i've always done this, i have hidden my true emotions in most situations for my whole life.


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## musicman (May 20, 2007)

Lonely guy, I know exactly what your going through. Today i was exhausted at work, too tired to even be anxious, then on my way home from work i gained energy and was excitied to hang with my buddies. When they came i lost all energy and seeemed just bummed out and sad. We went out to eat and i wasnt social and i was afraid that everyone was looking at me and knew something was wrong. That being said, you are not alone i feel like im alone and no one truely understands. Keep your head up and keep truckin.


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## Buckbeak (Oct 25, 2007)

I hide my true state of depression but have always put up with people telling me to "smile" which I guess is somewhat telling of what lies beneath the surface. I went years without crying. I stopped from my mom's funeral at age 11 until sometime in college. I feel better around my friends at work, which helps me cope with caring for my patients since an outwardly depressed nurse kinda sucks. But at home or when picking my kids up at school etc I think I look pretty dismal.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I don't get depressed like I used to but when I'm feeling blue I do try to hide it in public.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I hide my depression all the time. I even hide it from myself. I live constantly in denial, because truly admitting I'm depressed would probably put me into an emotional tailspin and make me even more asocial than I already am. OK, it's stupid.


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## leavemealone158 (Nov 23, 2007)

yeah. not very well, but I try. I just hate burdening other with my problmes...


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yes, i hide my feelings in the backyard


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## Hysteric (Jun 7, 2009)

I try hide it by pretending to be all happy just like everyone else. When I'm around people, I usually tend to smile an unnatural amount, and always make light of all situations. I can't have people suspecting how I really feel. That would only make it worse :blank


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## miminka (May 10, 2009)

katelyn said:


> Anywhere else, I don't think people notice I'm depressed because I'm always quiet.


Yeah, same here. I can't remember the last time I cried about it. For some reason I can't cry when I'm alone but when I'm in public the emotions just seem to flood out. I think it's because I'm already worked up, being so anxious. So it makes it that much easier to cry. I don't feel embarrassed about it because in my mind I believe everyone already thinks I'm stupid.

I don't like to show that I'm depressed. Stooopid emo kids at my school ruined that for me!


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