# How one-sided are dating sites?



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Read this is your a male frusterated with dating sites:

http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/2008/01/07/online-dating-great-for-women-sucks-for-men/

Now, this isn't to start a nasty debate. I find that some men are bound to blame themselves for the rejection rate that these sites hold. You can be a good looking guy and get rejected 80% of the time. I don't know what is wrong with me... why do I keep coming back to these sites? Why don't I learn my lesson after sending out 50 plus emails and only getting 3 or 4 responses!? I'm not a bad looking guy nor am I crazy, creepy or "strange". These places can be harmful to your esteem if your not wise to it. It just seems so one-sided, and to be frank, it's puts an unhealthy perspective on both men and women...(sigh)...probably going to log off POF for another 6 months then get hopeful again and start the frustration process all over again once I rejoin in the future... (sigh)...I really, really, really need to focus my attention elsewhere more reasonable, but is there such a place for men or even women for that matter? Honestly?

********PLEASE KEEP YOUR POSTS RESPECTABLE, THANK YOU! ********


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Have you tried things like speed dating? You actually meet people in person that way, albeit briefly.


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

I find them useless. I used to use OKCupid, but gave up on it. I never even bothered to message girls. It seemed pointless to try to stand out in the barrage of messages they get constantly. I put up a profile making myself looking as attractive and interesting as possible, and waited for them to come to me. And they did, but in numbers so tiny I finally decided it wasn't worth my time.

There are much easier and more effective ways to meet women, even for socially inept guys like us.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Yeah, my self esteem lands in the crapper whenever I decide to message a few women to see what happens.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Yeah silence (and the implied rejection) is a esteem killer.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I've had mixed results with dating sites i met my last gf off of one we didnt last very long together but just like that article states i sent out tons of emails to girls and maybe 2 or 3 even replied back.And we would exchange a few emails and they would stop writing me. I just got rejected again from a girl on pof last nite I dont let it bother me though i just keep trying. I dont really expect to meet anew gf online but im not gonna rule it out as a possibility. You never know who's out there I just keep hope that the next email will introduce me to a great girl, probably just a silly dream but it keeps me trying... possibly in vein though...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

mind_games said:


> Have you tried things like speed dating? You actually meet people in person that way, albeit briefly.


No I have not. I don't think I will anytime soon. I'm not even sure if they have some around my area. If they do, it'll probably be a 2 hour drive anyways.

I did go to the bars tonight though. When you come off dating sites such as POF with frustration and your mind skewed it's almost as if you feel as if that's how dating is -- one-sided and unfair. Well, I went out and it was refreshing to see people together, as normal people do, with their friends and their friends' friends both male and female getting along great and enjoying each other's company.

I guess, on a secondary note, POF may appear wrong in many aspects, especially for men. My biggest fear is to think that POF reflects what happens in the real world, which is the one-sidedness and unfairness it seems to bombard unto men (possibly women). It may be my ignorance that believes such things but it's refreshing to see people come together and mingle with both sexes. It's nice to see that POF is a realm that holds aspects unaffected by what the real world truly is. In a nutshell, if dating on POF is like real life I'm sure most men (and women) would of committed suicide by now...but I MAY be wrong, not sure...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

POF ACCOUNT DELETED:boogie:clap


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Thanks for the much needed dose of perspective. From now on, I'm only meeting women on my journey through real life.


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## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

I sent message to like 10 girls on okcupid and I think I got 3 responses. It's not as impossible as the OP makes it out to be. I had 1 profile pic and it was just a close-up of my face.

I'm against those sites because of how fake they are, not because they fail to yield good results.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I don't think a dating site would be successful for me. I don't like the idea that you search people by their pictures for the most part. I am more interested in their character and personality than their picture. That means I would have to read a lot of profiles to find one I would be interested in.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

perhaps a program that automatically goes on the dating site and finds women and like emails a million of them per second, and then you'll probably get about one response a day and you wont have to do anything


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

The whole concept of 'dating' is strangely odd to me, and the online aspect makes it even stranger. I totally get it on one hand, and I would love to find someone special. But the whole ritual of meeting up with some random person for dinner to see if you two might get along seems weird.

My friend, who has a lot of time on his hands, goes on 2-3 dates a week with girls on match.com -- he's probably gone on at least 25 dates in the last four months. It's like a full time job for him. He is maybe, in any kind of contact, with 2 or 3 of these girls now.

I've met girls, and we've 'hung out', and went to dinner and seen a movie, but it has come on so naturally, I never looked at it like a 'date'. In the sense that, for whatever reason it never went any further, I still occasionally see these people and consider them friends. But the whole 'randomly trying to see if we magically connect over a couple hours and if not see you later' type of dating is just weird to me.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Johnny_Genome said:


> The whole concept of 'dating' is strangely odd to me, and the online aspect makes it even stranger. I totally get it on one hand, and I would love to find someone special. But the whole ritual of meeting up with some random person for dinner to see if you two might get along seems weird.
> 
> My friend, who has a lot of time on his hands, goes on 2-3 dates a week with girls on match.com -- he's probably gone on at least 25 dates in the last four months. It's like a full time job for him. He is maybe, in any kind of contact, with 2 or 3 of these girls now.
> 
> I've met girls, and we've 'hung out', and went to dinner and seen a movie, but it has come on so naturally, I never looked at it like a 'date'. In the sense that, for whatever reason it never went any further, I still occasionally see these people and consider them friends. But the whole 'randomly trying to see if we magically connect over a couple hours and if not see you later' type of dating is just weird to me.


Yeah, it is a tad weird but when you click it's an awesome feeling. Really, if you want to find someone who you can mesh well with and not wait years on end, dating seems to worth the awkwardness. That is, of course, if you can FIND any dates that are both worth your time and not going to lead you on. Still, my first idea of a date doesn't involve dinner and a movie either. I feel like dinner is more for someone you have some connection with unless you have no other option, which I suppose can be the case sometimes...

As far as your friend goes, he is probably loving life right now. I'm sure he gets stressed sometimes from it, but that has got to be nice to have those options!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

_AJ_ said:


> perhaps a program that automatically goes on the dating site and finds women and like emails a million of them per second, and then you'll probably get about one response a day and you wont have to do anything


Lol, some people do that and it's called SPAMMING. On sites like POF I almost don't blame guys because it's so much work to read profiles, type out something worth while for 50 plus women if only 1 or 2 are going to hit you back. Heck, I'm not going to lie, I used to copy and paste my emails, but can you blame me? On the flip side, ironically, POF has a system that can detect spamming and will not send messages that aren't original. I realize it sounds lazy and a tad shallow to spam but if you want to get a response back sometime within a week or so it's like the only way to do it! The whole time your confidence and self-esteem drop lower and lower. It just isn't good for anybody... expect those who get all the messages and receives emails back, of course...


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> I would love to find someone special. But the whole ritual of meeting up with some random person for dinner to see if you two might get along seems weird.


Agree.


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## problematic (Oct 15, 2008)

Awesome!


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## Fuzzy Logic (Sep 16, 2009)

It depends on your point of view. For someone who usually considers themselves totally undesirable, actually getting a few people looking at my profile was comforting.

I haven't actually recieved any messages or sent any yet. I think I need to spend more time making the profile a bit better as I skipped over much of it when I signed up.

On the plus side, women far out number men on these kind of sites so rationally speaking we have the advantage, right?


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## Franky (Nov 15, 2008)

Yeah it is quite one-sided isn't it.
I signed up recently just to check it out and see what its all about. I made my profile very brief and didn't have a picture just so no one I actually know would recognize me...so I don't really get any first contact mail.

Anyway, I've sent about ten emails out and got about five replies out of that. I must say that a lot of the girls on there are not my type at all, but there are a few alright ones. A couple of girls I was exchanging emails with, but I didn't find them very interesting, so I stopped replying. There was one that stopped replying to me...and I've been talking to another one and she sounds cool, but its her turn to reply and I haven't heard from her in a couple of days. 

So, summing up online dating is kinda stink. The girls on there aren't really what i'm into and the ones i could be into don't reply!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've also come to realize that a lot of people online are angry because they bounce one person to the next without letting steam off from the last bad encounter. Have you ever felt that way to where you just needed to take a break and collect yourself before talking to a new person? Dating sites seem more likely that you may be carrying baggage or resentment from the last person. However, in real life instances, interactions are more gradual and your able to let steam off more naturally, let go of your resentment and once again be polite and respectful. Online interactions happen so fast men and women may be victim to pent-up resentment, which isn't good for anybody. Thus, another reason why I think people need to chill from online dating; it's too impersonal and things happen at an unnatural speed which may hinder "letting go".

Does this make sense to anybody or am I just rambling? I'm sorry, I just thought of this and wanted to post it. I've noticed that a lot of girls don't respond back to my texts from online and finally I have an answer to it: they may be suffering from "the typical guy syndrome" in which they assume I'm just another loser (for lack of a better word). On top of that, women collect much more numbers online and more readily than they would at school, work or even a bar for that instance, so, once again, it's a bad place to be if your a guy. Real life promotes a sense of personal interaction which gives a guy a greater chance to show that he isn't just another "typical 'loser' guy". I think if you can show a woman who you really are and that your a good guy and not another creeper, it will definitely give her a sense of comfort and it will increase your odds of trust. The few instances where I've managed to get a number at school, the women are much more open, straight forward and kind than they are online. I'm telling you, online seems to put most guys in the "creep and not worth my time" zone. Heck, you may even have a better chance at bars even though this can be another place where women have their radar out for "creep/loser/drunk/idiot" guys, and you can't blame them because there are lots of them. However, even a bar is better than online because a woman can see for herself that your not a creep if you have an opportunity to talk.

Ugh, I could go on and on... I find that thought worthy of a long post I guess... think about it. Still, once again, online dating sites CAN work, but you may simply have to spend more time/patience with someone online to show them your worth their time (if you can keep their interest long enough [yet another downside]) -- it just seems harder is all (MUCH harder)


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

Online dating :no


There seems to be two groups of women 10's and 1's I don't like either.


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## matt22 (Nov 25, 2009)

on OkCupid, I met a very special girl. She was special to me, cause it was the first time I ever made a friend; We actually spent time together, and another person actually wanted to spend time with me. She was the first girl I ever kissed, and the first girl I ever introduced to my parents, and asked to be my girlfriend. She is the complete history of my dating life in the 5 months I knew her, and some of the happiest moments of my life.

yes its true she mostly lied to me, never was my girlfriend, as she had a real boyfriend the whole time, and mostly only wanted to see me so I could do all her school work for her, as I spent hours doing.

buts its the best I've ever had...





.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

matt22 said:


> on OkCupid, I met a very special girl. She was special to me, cause it was the first time I ever made a friend; We actually spent time together, and another person actually wanted to spend time with me. She was the first girl I ever kissed, and the first girl I ever introduced to my parents, and asked to be my girlfriend. She is the complete history of my dating life in the 5 months I knew her, and some of the happiest moments of my life.
> 
> yes its true she mostly lied to me, never was my girlfriend, as she had a real boyfriend the whole time, and mostly only wanted to see me so I could do all her school work for her, as I spent hours doing.
> 
> buts its the best I've ever had...


Wow, what a *****...

I never understood why people go on dating sites to make "friends".


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

bwidger85 said:


> I never understood why people go on dating sites to make "friends".


Where else can we look ? If your not looking for a relationship or a one night bang then what ?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

2Talkative said:


> Where else can we look ? If your not looking for a relationship or a one night bang then what ?


I guess it isn't that uncommon. However, it just seems odd that they wouldn't pick myspace, facebook, craigslist, or friends.com or something. The only feasible explanation would be that they are looking for friends first before they make any decisions; some make it clear that they are only looking for friends. I guess it's ok and all...however, then you have those profiles that say that they are looking for friends and then go into a description of what kind of guy they are looking for?:sus I'm sure guys do it too&#8230;


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I spent about a hour last night looking at friend profiles and to me it seemed worse than the dating ones. Some of the stuff on there is really funny though I was asking myself is this person for real or what !! 

I can see why a lot of them are single though thier expectations are ridiculous. I mean point form lists of what thier ideal man must be. 

Anyways that was a depressing hour realizing I have nothing in common with anyone.


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

matt22 said:


> yes its true she mostly lied to me, never was my girlfriend, as she had a real boyfriend the whole time, and mostly only wanted to see me so I could do all her school work for her, as I spent hours doing.


Note for future reference: No girl worth the time of day would ever ask you to do that. Nor would even the _thought_ of asking you to do that ever so much as _occur_ to a girl worth the time of day. If it happens again, walk away and shed no tears.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Patron on a ship of fools said:


> Note for future reference: No girl worth the time of day would ever ask you to do that. Nor would even the _thought_ of asking you to do that ever so much as _occur_ to a girl worth the time of day. If it happens again, walk away and shed no tears.


It hurts me a little to admit it took me a long time to see this, and that's probably because I always thought it was me that made them react that way (wrong).


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> It hurts me a little to admit it took me a long time to see this, and that's probably because I always thought it was me that made them react that way (wrong).


I've been used, but never anywhere near _that_ badly. I don't know if I ever would've ever fallen for it or not. I certainly wouldn't now. I'll just consider myself fortunate that no girl ever tried.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

I've actually tried online dating, and believe me when I say that not all women are getting "barraged" by a bunch of men. After sending many e-mails to both men AND women, I only got a few responses and two dates (both were a disappointment: one was "sexually confused" and the other was an emotional trainwreck).

Then I found Plenty of Fish. By this point, I was getting really frustrated and had been doing the online dating thing for about a month. Within a week, I got a few profile responses ("whas happenin'" type posts), but only ONE major imploration. This major imploration has now led to a relationship...we've been dating for a couple weeks now, and he says he 'loves me' (not sure how that works).

What I've learned for online dating is to not expect so much and to take it lightly and BE PATIENT. It took me nearly six weeks to get a serious imploration, and I was rejected tons of times. I kept my standards pretty low, and I didn't put myself high on the totem pole. Neither was I critical. 

Online dating *can* work, but you have to be persistant, continue checking your inbox and put up a strong profile, and be upfront. Let the other person know what it is YOU are looking for and that you aren't into the game playing BS.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> Lol, some people do that and it's called SPAMMING. On sites like POF I almost don't blame guys because it's so much work to read profiles, type out something worth while for 50 plus women if only 1 or 2 are going to hit you back. Heck, I'm not going to lie, I used to copy and paste my emails, but can you blame me? On the flip side, ironically, POF has a system that can detect spamming and will not send messages that aren't original. I realize it sounds lazy and a tad shallow to spam but if you want to get a response back sometime within a week or so it's like the only way to do it! *The whole time your confidence and self-esteem drop lower and lower. It just isn't good for anybody... expect those who get all the messages and receives emails back, of course...*


See, that is your problem. You internalize all the rejection. You can't do that on online dating world.

And spamming is not an effective way to meet somebody. You must personalize the message by commenting on the person's profile, what you liked about it, etc. Otherwise, the person will think that you aren't taking them seriously and just spamming them for the hell of it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

DitzyDreamer said:


> See, that is your problem. You internalize all the rejection. You can't do that on online dating world.
> 
> And spamming is not an effective way to meet somebody. You must personalize the message by commenting on the person's profile, what you liked about it, etc. Otherwise, the person will think that you aren't taking them seriously and just spamming them for the hell of it.


Well yeah, of course I internalize it... if every girl you want to talk to ignores you then what else are you to think? I'm done with the online approach for a while. I guess I'd rather get rejected in real life for now...


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> Well yeah, of course I internalize it... if every girl you want to talk to ignores you then what else are you to think? I'm done with the online approach for a while. I guess I'd rather get rejected in real life for now...


And I understand that. For a while, I was rejected by lots of people of both sexes, and I began to feel crappy. But then I learned not to take things so personally.

I highly doubt that EVERY girl you have approached romantically or non-romantically has "ignored" you, but if that is the case, ask yourself why. Don't take it as an insult...just let it roll off your shoulder. It's harder than it sounds, and it takes a lot of worker, but you'll thank yourself in the long run.

I'd rathered be rejected online than in real life. But that's jmho.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

DitzyDreamer said:


> And I understand that. For a while, I was rejected by lots of people of both sexes, and I began to feel crappy. But then I learned not to take things so personally.
> 
> I highly doubt that EVERY girl you have approached romantically or non-romantically has "ignored" you, but if that is the case, ask yourself why. Don't take it as an insult...just let it roll off your shoulder. It's harder than it sounds, and it takes a lot of worker, but you'll thank yourself in the long run.
> 
> I'd rathered be rejected online than in real life. But that's jmho.


Thanks for your input. I think you have some very sound advise that I'll try to remember :yes


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.

I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university. I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

sublimit said:


> I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.
> 
> I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university.* I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.*


i have the exact same problem.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

mind_games said:


> Have you tried things like speed dating? You actually meet people in person that way, albeit briefly.


I wish that was an option in my neck of the woods. Ah, the amenities of big cities... eh... well civilization; I live out in the boonies! :lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

sublimit said:


> I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.
> 
> I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university. I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.


Are you trying to make male or female friends, and if so, where?


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

sublimit said:


> I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.
> 
> I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university. I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.


I err have this profile on a dating site and I pretty much state I can only do friends. It feels a bit pathetic going on a dating site to find friends though .

I don't get much responses these days (I'm using the basic, free version these days and my profile is too honest - I mention my SA n what not, but I did that before too - and it comes off overall as being pessimistic), but I got to know 2 girls, as friends, from there when I first started. I haven't kept up with either of them though (one is in a different city and we just don't have enough in common and the other one is too talkative to the point of making me feel uncomfortable. That said we've been pretty frank about things (she has depression issues n what not) and I've even talked to her about me not being much of a talker.

I did get lots of rejections though, but its more them ignoring those 'winks of interest' or just not replying to my messages than outright 'I'm not interested in you' rejections. You could say they are one and the same, but for some reason I can deal with these indirect rejections much better.

Overall I didn't have any real success I guess. At the same time though I didn't feel like it was a horrible experience. Felt like enough girls were willing to chat and get to know me a bit more.

Even though the male:female ratio is very high even over here, I am guessing its much much higher in the US and hence females get overwhelmed with responses.

I dunno, think about it this way: If you went to a concert by a female singer and you waved to her from your place in the crowd and she didn't notice you, would you feel rejected? So many people are waving at her, that she never even noticed you. Hence she never really even had the opportunity to reject you.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

It may be easier in real-life. In real-life, people can't list all of these requirements like they do online. I wonder how many people who appear picky online are actually much more open-minded in real life.

BTW, my girlfriend, who I already knew from real-life, likes me for who I am, including the anxiety and lack of confidence. She knows the truth about me and likes every bit of it. Also, she would probably _never _use the internet to find a date. She doesn't even have a myspace of Facebook.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> It's nice to see that POF is a realm that holds aspects unaffected by what the real world truly is. In a nutshell, if dating on POF is like real life I'm sure most men (and women) would of committed suicide by now...but I MAY be wrong, not sure...


I've gone through the male and female ads. It's amazing what people write down. Some guy with a shirtless picture of himself saying how he wants to take care of you and how good he'll make you feel. Are women not creeped out by that? Then there are women that are just clueless. That, or they are just plain bitter (not that there aren't _plenty _of bitter males online). I think they all deserve each other. I talked to a few girls that were cool and some of the times it was just my problem. I didn't have it in me to call this girl even though she seemed really easygoing. Others I would send messages back and forth to and over time I got the feeling that they weren't interested anymore. Or, after time there would not be a response to the last message I sent. Eventually I realized that I fare better in real life. Online, it seems that the whole initial meeting part is too anxiety provoking compared to just already knowing someone in real-life. Of course, after I found someone I got all kinds of messages and "stalks" on OkCupid.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

BeNice said:


> It may be easier in real-life. In real-life, people can't list all of these requirements like they do online. I wonder how many people who appear picky online are actually much more open-minded in real life.
> 
> BTW, my girlfriend, who I already knew from real-life, likes me for who I am, including the anxiety and lack of confidence. She knows the truth about me and likes every bit of it. Also, she would probably _never _use the internet to find a date. She doesn't even have a myspace of Facebook.


I would agree with that statement. As I've said before, in real life instances you have a better opportunity to show your not some schmuck. On online, you may already be a "schmuck" before she even reads what your about. A good example of this in real life would be instances at a bar in which people depict others to be alcoholics or another stigma stating that bars aren't for relationships but one night stands. If women and men view bars this way it's going to alter the way they view the people in that environment. Still, if you were to walk up and talk to a woman and just be normal I bet your chances are 10xs better than the typical online response, "Hi, how are you?" (ignored&#8230;not detailed or interesting enough)... From my experience, online I can say the same thing to a woman and be ignored, meanwhile in real life they are open for discussion. If online wasn't so one-sided chances are it'd be a lot easier for guys and women wouldn't have to complain about guys always wanting relationships/sex because guys wouldn't be so damn desperate. It's sucks for women to make friends on online dating sites because all the guys are desperate for some action because they get none and lots of women are "annoyed" by the floods of emails and so of course they want friendships but the GUYS ARE DEPERATE and it's a horrible place to make friends for women..the one-sidedness of online hurts both men and women. I don't like feeling desperate...i vote no for online... let me get rejected in real life so this way at least I can get a vibe of the person I'm talking to rather than just being ignored all together... this way I get to see what the girl is like without just flat out blaming myself for the "rejection" because most the time I'm not doing anything wrong but starting a conversation...


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

BeNice said:


> Of course, after I found someone I got all kinds of messages and "stalks" on OkCupid.


I'm curious. Did you post in your OkCupid profile that you were seeing someone before you started getting these messages and stalks?


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I'm curious. Did you post in your OkCupid profile that you were seeing someone before you started getting these messages and stalks?


Basically. After I started hanging out with my girlfriend more and saw that we might end up together, I changed my status, my "here for" to activity partners and friends and dropped the short term and long term dating options. Not too long after that I canceled the account. I can't remember exactly when I started to get all of the "stalks" and messages, but it wasn't long after I made the change. One of them may have been shortly before I made the change. It wasn't that many altogether, maybe three or so, but it was a lot more than I ever had in the past.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

sublimit said:


> I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.
> 
> I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university. I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.


What I wouldn't give to have your 'problem'. I'm in a "romantic relationship" right now with a boy that is STILL platonic (after nearly three weeks). What I wouldn't give to have someone be sexually turned on by me...


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

sublimit said:


> I read above about making friends on dating sites; are there any sites out there that cater to people who just want platonic friendships? I have no problem finding people who are interested in me romantically and am hit on to the point where it's annoying, but I can't seem to make friends easily at all.  I've made one or two friends through facebook but haven't in quite a while (probably because I've limited my profile after being harrassed by someone). I'm not on myspace or anything else like that.
> 
> I miss having one or two close girl friends in high school where we just hung out and did fun things. I wasn't able to make any friends in university. I hate when guys come on to me even though they know I have a boyfriend. It all makes me feel like my personality isn't good enough for people to want to be my friend and that all guys only want to use me for sex.


I'm always around if you just want to hang out to do whatever, or maybe after a few meet when you find out out how awesome I am (2012 awesome imo)

I could use a complete makeover and you seem to like shopping! (assuming thats the girly stuff you meant) (lets wait until after christmas though / I get a job again though)

P.s does your MSN goto your phone or something? You never seem to respond to Hi  So I'm guessing it has something to do with that. No one else seems to have that icon. Cambulance = #1 name


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

DitzyDreamer said:


> What I wouldn't give to have your 'problem'. I'm in a "romantic relationship" right now with a boy that is STILL platonic (after nearly three weeks). What I wouldn't give to have someone be sexually turned on by me...


Hmm, but "romantic" and "plantonic" don't really go together, do they? I'd honestly rather have someone who is more attracted to my personality than my looks, because looks don't last. I don't even understand how I have this problem; I'm not even good looking! And surely, after all these years of SA forcing me from living a "normal" life the way everyone else does and living in my own little world, my personality should be interesting and should stand out! :b



Saqq said:


> I'm always around if you just want to hang out to do whatever, or maybe after a few meet when you find out out how awesome I am (2012 awesome imo)
> 
> I could use a complete makeover and you seem to like shopping! (assuming thats the girly stuff you meant) (lets wait until after christmas though / I get a job again though)
> 
> P.s does your MSN goto your phone or something? You never seem to respond to Hi  So I'm guessing it has something to do with that. No one else seems to have that icon. Cambulance = #1 name


I'm always down for hangouts.  I'm not much of a shopper being a frugal hippy and all, but we could window shop (cheaper too!) And I'll hook you up with a makeover one day also, sounds like fun. P.S. I never got an msn message from you ever, and it doesn't go to my phone so I don't know what's up.

Part of my problem is that I NEVER initiate friendships; I think that I'll come off weird because who would want to hangout with me? If they were to turn me down, I don't handle rejection well AT ALL and would get severely depressed about it. And if someone *did* want to hang out with me, why wouldn't they ask me? I realize I need to stop these destructive thought patterns.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

sublimit said:


> Hmm, but "romantic" and "plantonic" don't really go together, do they?


Ever heard of "romantic asexuals"? I think I'm in a relationship with one. Being in a platonic "romantic" relationship is difficult and frustrating...



> I'd honestly rather have someone who is more attracted to my personality than my looks, because looks don't last. I don't even understand how I have this problem; I'm not even good looking! And surely, after all these years of SA forcing me from living a "normal" life the way everyone else does and living in my own little world, my personality should be interesting and should stand out! :b


Well, you MUST be good-looking for so many people to be attracted to you (and maybe it is your personality and you just don't know it!).


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## art ardvark (Nov 27, 2009)

I think, particularly for people with SAD, the internet is a fantastic medium to meet new people. It gives us an opportunity to sort of 'filter through' individuals that are more likely to end up hurting us. Dating sites probably aren't the best for a number of reasons. Just think of the thousands of forums out there however, dedicated to a specific set of ideas, values or interests. If you are able to identify what's really important to you, (In my case it was social justice) try visiting a couple of forums and make a contribution. Even this forum would be better than a dating site. If you met someone on here I guess you can be assured that you won't be judged for SAD behavior and that you'd have some fundamental things in common.


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