# Should I ask my therapist this?



## won (Nov 8, 2012)

I have transference and a very intense attatchment to my therapist. She's the first role model I ever had, I really repect and admire her, and I really want to be like her. I also love her attention. I think about her every single minute of the day and when I'm not with her I feel very unsafe, depressed, lonely, and honestly just VERY ****ty. And blah blah blahhhh.

I told her this a few weeks ago (we can only see each other once a week) and she was very understanding about it. However, she told me she wanted to work together on being less dependant on her. 

Anyway, I wanted to ask her if she could give me something to hang on to. Something to make me feel safe when I'm not with her. Like how a child has their own blankey or stuffed animal... lol. I was thinking of asking her to give me a slinky or stress ball or something. I mean I could buy one of those anytime, but it would be SO much more significant if she touched it and I received it from her. Or I was also thinking of asking her to write me a short safety note. Something that's reassuring, something that makes me feel better when I look at it. Something to remember her by in some way. 

I've heard of other people successfully receiving some kind of safety item from their therapist, but I just don't know if my therapist would be okay with it... I don't want to push it too far and seem too creepy or anything... (I had a problem with my last therapist where I was creepy and I stalked her and got a restraining order filed against me, and my current therapist knows of this, so... I don't want her to think I'm going to repeat history and be creepy with her)

Although she's friendly, nonjudgemental, and kind, she's also fairly strict and is very serious about keeping our relationship "healthy" and "professional".

So I wanted to hear your guys' thoughts ... Should I ask her? yay or nay?


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## Stigma (Jan 7, 2013)

Sounds good


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## Lostkidrun (Jan 10, 2013)

I think do to your history she might find it a little creepy, but then again it all depend on your relationship with her now because that was then and this is now. It could goes both ways really but if you explain to her you need some sort of safety item, it's pretty harmless so who knows ?


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

i would go ahead and ask... whats the worst she can say? "no"


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## Bryan II (Dec 9, 2012)

I think you should tell her about this, but expect a no. This is about you wanting to feel more attached to her, and that is important to talk about. There is a lot more to this than just wanting a gift. This kind of connection is something you want very deeply, and it's probably something you haven't gotten very much in your life. 

Have you ever been screened for borderline personality disorder? I'd ask about that too...


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## ACCV93 (Sep 6, 2012)

Why not? But you have to remember that eventually you need to become independent, take what you've learned, appreciate her for everything she's done, and move on.


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## loumon (Jul 6, 2012)

ACCV93 said:


> Why not? But you have to remember that eventually you need to become independent, take what you've learned, appreciate her for everything she's done, and move on.


I agree with this ^


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## won (Nov 8, 2012)

Bryan II said:


> Have you ever been screened for borderline personality disorder? I'd ask about that too...


I haven't been tested for any kind of disorder or anything. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with me, but I'm open to the idea. I'll bring it up with her!



ACCV93 said:


> Why not? But you have to remember that eventually you need to become independent, take what you've learned, appreciate her for everything she's done, and move on.


I feel like she would get creeped out and just throw me onto another therapist...
And yes, I agree. I just feel like I want something to remember her by, and when I don't need it anymore, I can put it aside.

~
And thank you everyone else for your answers. It's nice to hear some thoughts from other people


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## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

Based on your previous history, I could understand how she might feel a bit hesitant on giving you something in the case that you seem very attached. If I were you, I would still ask her, anyway. The worst she could say is no. 

Also, your approach might help as well, with the fact that it would help you cope knowing that you have that item from her, and once you could put it aside when you no longer need it (which you previously stated).


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## won (Nov 8, 2012)

Victini said:


> Based on your previous history, I could understand how she might feel a bit hesitant on giving you something in the case that you seem very attached. If I were you, I would still ask her, anyway. The worst she could say is no.
> 
> Also, your approach might help as well, with the fact that it would help you cope knowing that you have that item from her, and once you could put it aside when you no longer need it (which you previously stated).


Yes, I hope that when I ask her, that she'll see it as a good thing. Thanks


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