# What's wrong with being quiet?



## friendlychick26 (Dec 12, 2005)

I was sitting down the other day wondering to myself of all the times i've been called quiet. Why does being a quiet person have such a bad reputation? I don't get why being quiet is such a bad thing.People point it out like you have the plaque or something.Has anybody ever wondered this?I'm so sick of having to make excuses for why i'm quiet.Is there an answer for this? because i would like to know.Why is it ok for someone to have the loudest fattest mouth and not stop talking but, to treat people who are quiet people like their the worst people on this planet.Quiet has such a bad reputation. why? :con


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## Eimaj (Aug 2, 2006)

I think it has something to do with perception. In western society quietness is almost perceived as weakness. I think it's because we are perceived as timid, unambitious and unconfident in a society where boldness, ambition, and confidence are worshipped.


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## CityBoyGoneCountry (Oct 30, 2006)

Nothing is wrong with being quiet. In fact, I wish more people would be quiet.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Like Eimaj says, it's perception and the way this society is. It's geared towards the loud, extroverted types of people.
If you're not outgoing and talkative, people usually think is there is something wrong with you.


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## hugoe (Oct 10, 2006)

There is nothing wrong with being quiet. I think that it may be considered as stand-offish because people tend to be very insecure, and they believe that a quiet person is showing dislike towards them. This is not the case, but I think that is how it works.


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## red_reagel (Nov 21, 2006)

I guess because usually whenever everybody else is engaging in the conmversation, they wonder why one person is quiet. We're just a mystery to the "normal" people. I'm sick of getting the same questions too, but people are curious because quiet people are quiet for different reasons. Some think we're stuck-up, some think we have nothing to say, some can sense we're nervous. It's really hard...


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## neddy (Jul 3, 2006)

I get this all the time as well. It is so annoying. Someone actually asked me why I didnt talk much and why was I so quiet. She thinks I am stuck up but I'm not. I have been quiet all my life but seem to be alot worse now as the more I isolate myself from people the quieter I get. I feel like I am always being judged just because I am quiet. I would rather be quiet than a loudmouth and gossip.

One good thing is quiet people tend to be good listeners and people respect that.


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

I've always been quiet. I don't think I've ever been outgoing. But I sometimes think I am stuck-up in regards those I work with, because I think most of them are arseholes. Initally i tried very hard to fit in, but I find I get really irritated by them. They're loud, obnoxious and just generally idiotic. That said, they probably don't like me all that much either.

Such is life.


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

Because extroverts rule the world unfortunately.


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## guitarik (Apr 18, 2006)

I was told some people think your a serial killer or you got something to hide, if your quiet. You know the saying, watch out for the quiet ones.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

The problem lies with today's society. It really is that simple. As soon as society deems something or a certain quality unacceptable, those who possess those qualities are automatically outcasted.


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## friendlychick26 (Dec 12, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your replies.I understand now that it is society that made those rules.It isn't fair that the loud mouths rule and the quiet ones are seen this way.I wish i could change society because i'm sick of living this way. :sigh


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I'd say it's probably 2/3's because of soceity, and 1/3 because of evolution. Regardless, people will judge based on how you talk.


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## Solatil (Nov 17, 2006)

Strength, what do you mean it's part of evolution? Can you elaborate on that?

I agree with Eimaj, but I also want to add that I think people put a certain focus on quiet people because they don't know how to classify them. With someone that talks and establishes who they are, people know how to classify them (cool or strange or cheerful). And people naturally try to classify people, but quiet people are either harder to figure out or classified as just weird.

So when people ask you why you don't talk, i think they're just trying to figure you out, or try to get to know you.


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## emeraldoceans (Sep 13, 2006)

CityBoyGoneCountry said:


> Nothing is wrong with being quiet. In fact, I wish more people would be quiet.


 :agree


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## nes3 (Dec 4, 2006)

friendlychick26 said:


> I was sitting down the other day wondering to myself of all the times i've been called quiet. Why does being a quiet person have such a bad reputation? I don't get why being quiet is such a bad thing.People point it out like you have the plaque or something.Has anybody ever wondered this?I'm so sick of having to make excuses for why i'm quiet.Is there an answer for this? because i would like to know.Why is it ok for someone to have the loudest fattest mouth and not stop talking but, to treat people who are quiet people like their the worst people on this planet.Quiet has such a bad reputation. why? :con


it shows arrowgance, or people may take you as stupid


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## incredible357 (Dec 19, 2006)

If your talking to a group of people you feel comfortable with and theres one person who is quiet, what do you think of that person?

personally i think 
a) They think they're better than me/us, and dont want to be part of the conversation
or
b) They wish to be part of the conversation but are too nervous to do so

both of which are negative, and thats why being quiet is a problem.
Of course i am talking about someone who is consistently quiet.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

*Re: re: What's wrong with being quiet?*



Solatil said:


> Strength, what do you mean it's part of evolution? Can you elaborate on that?


I'm just guessing, but I think that maybe a long time ago, people who spoke up became the leaders of their group, and were more likely to survive (reproduce offspring). So people through the years would gravitate towards those who spoke up, and now it becomes instinctive.

incredible357, that's a good breakdown of how most people judge quiet ones. I would also add option c) "there is something not normal about them."


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

So it follows; if quiet people are often perceived as a) arrogant/stuck-up, b) just nervous/timid, or c) abnormal, they're much more likely to experience rejection and other negative reactions, and many people don't tend to tolerate obvious differences from the norm very well; especially if they imagine that the 'different' person also thinks they are better than others. 

From my experience, I'd say that quite a few people think a) when they encounter a quiet person, and there do seem to be many insecure people around. If a person remains quiet, it leaves room for others to imagine all kinds of things about them. I think that being quiet in a social setting is sometimes more likely to give off an air of quietly sitting in judgement.

If the quiet person is seen as just nervous, they might suffer other people patronising them and seeing them as weak/timid in some way. I've had this quite a lot.

If seen as abnormal, they might be lectured on how to become more 'normal', or be laughed at, or feared. I've been bullied to be more 'normal'. I've also been called a serial killer :um .

That's a pretty big downside, and I've experienced all of those things. Thankfully, quiet people can often be perceived as trustworthy, intelligent, cool, sophisticated, interesting, patient... . If only this was for the vast majority of the time :sigh .


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

There's nothing at all wrong with it. It's just the outgoing people who never shut up that seem to have a problem with it and unfortunately there are alot more of those people than there are quiet people like us. And they just don't understand why everyone can't be obnoxious like them.


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## KimberlyK (Nov 11, 2004)

I think as society has become more self-centered (it's all about me and right now!), people don't have the patience to take the time to draw out the quiet ones like us.


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## Hushed*Girl (Dec 29, 2006)

*Re: re: What's wrong with being quiet?*



guitarik said:


> I was told some people think your a serial killer or you got something to hide, if your quiet. You know the saying, watch out for the quiet ones.


I never heard that before. But it reminds me of this one time in 7th grade when my class had to write a Halloween story. This one girl wrote a story about someone who killed everyone in the class with the exception of me for I was the murderer. :?

Anyway, it does annoy me when people ask me why I'm so quiet, as if their's something wrong with me. Somepeople think I'm mean, some people think I'm really shy, and others just think I'm weird.


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## bluewater01 (Jan 11, 2004)

I've always hated myself for being quiet and have never been able to accept myself because of it. It is truly the reason for my unhappiness. It has stood in the way of me forming relationships with friends, relatives, and so on... My day in and day out battle is with myself, not with others. Living your life with this kind of feeling towards yourself is a living hell all the time, because you are never good enough in your own eyes. 

I can't control the fact that I don't have a lot to say and this I believe has caused my SA - the societal expectation that I should talk more. When I was little, I didn't have a lot to say and it wasn't a big deal to me. I didn't have the anxiety that I have now. However, as I began to get older, people time and time again asked me that dreaded question, "why am I so quiet?" and it depleted me everytime until my self-esteem became very low. I felt something was wrong with me and have struggled throughout my life knowing that I simply do not fit what society feels I'm supposed to be like. I have now gotten to the point where I feel that I do not enjoy any aspect of life at all. Quite frankly, I'm tired of all of it. Tired of the routine of getting up everyday and doing the same things. I resent my unhappiness a lot. 

My mother says I should just come to terms with being quiet and understand that it is who I am and that is that. She says that I'm not going to be able to change other's opinion of me, however I can change how I feel about it. While this sounds good, I just don't feel that I am strong enough to simply not care because I get a lot of my validation of myself through other people's opinion of me. She also doesn't understand that I truly hate this about myself. I hate being quiet, but I can't change it. Kind of like if I was short and always wanted to be tall. You can't make yourself grow. I can't make my personality change. But everyday I still feel hateful towards myself because of it. One thing is that people see a short person and know that they won't grow so they don't expect them to be tall. People can't get inside of me and know the pain that I feel everyday. They look at the external picture and think I should be a certain way. It never seems to go away. 

Looking at me from the outside, people would probably think that I have it all. However, they would probably know that I am unhappy because I always am thinking and have a very serious look on my face. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be to make me outgoing and a people person. I feel that if I had that, I would be truly happy.


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## SkinnyPat (Mar 27, 2006)

I think regular outgoing people get insecure around people that doesn't talk much, because if we don't talk they can't decide if we are friend or foe! :con

I guess the typical fiendly behaviour is to chat about this and that ("bla bla bla"), and a typical hostile behavior is to be all quiet and 100% focused on killing (at least that's how my cruel cat behaves before killing its pray)!

Talking seems to be a bit like smiling. When I don't smile around people they often ask me why I don't smile... (I usually answers: "Why should I?") :um

We should all start questioning the extroverts around us! Ask them: "Why do you talk so much? Why do you talk ALL THE TIME? Do you EVER shut up?! You are hurting my ears, please shut up!" 

Today the most important thing seem to be the ability to make others feel comfortable, by constantly validating them with positivt words, to make them feel intelligent, funny, and so on (no matter how they actually are).

And when we are quiet we are not giving them any validation at all, which makes them suspicious and maybe even hostile!


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

*Re: re: What's wrong with being quiet?*



SkinnyPat said:


> Today the most important thing seem to be the ability to make others feel comfortable, by constantly validating them with positivt words, to make them feel intelligent, funny, and so on (no matter how they actually are).
> 
> And when we are quiet we are not giving them any validation at all, which makes them suspicious and maybe even hostile!


That's a very interesting way of looking at this situation. Thinking back over my encounters, that really does ring true.


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## Johnny1234 (Nov 16, 2006)

Yeah, who cares if we are quiet? Mind your own business and leave us alone. I dont ask you why you are so loud, do I? It also pisses me off when someone walks into a classroom where not many people are talking, and they have to say the good old "Why is it so quiet in here?" Cuz it is you dumbass.


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## Qreg (Jun 30, 2006)

What ever happened to the "strong silent type"?


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