# What are you doing to get a girl?



## rymo

This is a positive thread for guys to set goals when it comes to talking to girls (or to guys if you're gay). I'm not saying every guy here is at a point where they feel the need to constantly approach girls or try to find that special someone, but if you are frustrated with your lack of experience and you want to do something about it or you have had some success but want to take it to the next level, then this is a thread to post your experiences, successes, trials, tips, or questions about it.

Basically, I want this to be a motivational tool to allow guys to focus more on what they really want. For example: you see the girl of your dreams (physically at least) walking down the street, and you do nothing about it. Why? What stopped you from approaching her? Would you rather regret not talking to someone who you could eventually end up with, or take a chance and lose nothing in the process? I want those kinds of experiences to be posted, and then turned around into goals: "Next time I see a girl like that, I will talk to her." And then later on come back here and talk about what happened when you did.

EDIT:
------
Some resources for this subject (let me know if you have others and I will add to the list):
Simple Pickup - less PUA and more down-to-earth and fun
Simple Pickup (Youtube)
Practical Happiness - examples of real online and PHONE conversations, tips for talking to girls, etc.
Dating WTF - very interesting dating advice site from a female perspective, also includes anecdotes about her personal experience

***DISCLAIMER***
--------------------
A lot of you guys are posting about how it is hopeless, how you'll never succeed with women, etc. I don't really want this to be a thread about how you have no chance. We all have a chance, and a good one too. If you're going to post about how miserable your dating life is, then at least tell us about the last time you really TRIED to approach a girl, and what happened. Then we can talk about what to do about it, how to improve for next time.

Also, anyone who mentions how UGLY or HIDEOUS they are to females, no one believes you. Either post a pic backing up your statement so we can give your look constructive criticism, or complain about it in one of the many "I am ugwy, feel for me" threads around this site.


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## srschirm

Great idea, hopefully I can come up with some real-world experiences in short order.


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## rymo

To start:

I have had a fair amount of success recently, but I have been relying on online dating a bit much. I haven't found anyone on there yet who really gets my head spinning, who really excites me. Recently I traveled four hours to meet a girl who I had been talking to online for quite a while, and while we had a good time and she was a cool chick - she was also not as attractive as her pictures made her out to be, and I didn't feel that extra spark. 

I want to start approaching in real life more. In that way, I can immediately tell if someone is attractive, and I can get a sense of their personality in a few minutes. No long, drawn-out internet conversations. Just get in, get out (hopefully with a number). My goal is to approach at least one girl this week each time I go somewhere public (mall, bar, etc.). I may not end up going anywhere until the weekend, but I will definitely post my progress.


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## Nada

I talked to a girl yesterday. I asked her if she was using that, she said no.


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## rymo

srschirm said:


> Great idea, hopefully I can come up with some real-world experiences in short order.


It could even be online experiences. I know you're not necessarily referring to that but online dating is definitely part of the equation and setting goals like messaging 10 girls a week and posting the progress would also be very helpful.

When you say "hopefully", what do you mean, exactly? What is your current situation when it comes to the ladies?


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## rymo

Recent message I sent to a girl on OkCupid that netted me a response (girl has tattoos, profile says she falls off chairs a lot and that she's awesome and honest):

1. _Hey there, I was just wondering - are you awesome? Oh...oh I see you've already answered that one :b It does take quite an awesome person to be able to consistently fall off chairs, I must say. And_

2. _...and I just hit send before my message was complete. Does that level of klutziness make me awesome as well? Haha...sigh.

I like how you say you're honest, as an incredibly honest guy myself (I mean just look at how my profile clearly doesn't exaggerate a thing about me), I can say that is a very impressive attribute to have. Tell me about one of your tattoos, I would love to hear a tat story _


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## srschirm

rymo said:


> It could even be online experiences. I know you're not necessarily referring to that but online dating is definitely part of the equation and setting goals like messaging 10 girls a week and posting the progress would also be very helpful.
> 
> When you say "hopefully", what do you mean, exactly? What is your current situation when it comes to the ladies?


Well if you remember from other threads (and no problem at all if you don't), in early February I started working out, eating better, and was feeling better overall. I'm in a little rut now (some things happened in my personal life leading me back into a melancholic/depressive state).

I've done online dating for years (though didn't try as hard as other times). I'm still on the sites, just messaging people very sparingly. My confidence is low right now.

I work a second job in retail where I am around a lot of women. It's good for me, but hasn't led me to dating opportunities. I feel like I'm not that far away from having the life I want, I just can't quite seem to grasp it yet.


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## Ckg2011

I have a job interview at Pepsi Co.

I talk to a girl the other day.


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## bsd3355

Went out with a friend to a bar and got three numbers. That same day got a number from a girl at college. Yesterday had a date at my house with that college girl. Been texting the other girls to hang out. Friday went solo out to the bar. I have made a shcedule that allows me everyday to approach and interact with new girls; sunday is my day off. I work and go to school and all the other time is approach, approach, approach, interact and learn as much as I can. Finally, I'm reaping what I sow. It's taken me all my life to get here mentally and progressively.


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## bk

I hope to be participitating in this thread shortly. I started the year with no dating experience, went on several first dates, but have been in a rut for the past few months. I'm hoping to be able to post some progress this week.


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## millenniumman75

Nada said:


> I talked to a girl yesterday. I asked her if she was using that, she said no.


It depends on what she was using that you wanted to use, but that is a start.

That's probably the way it would go for me. I think there is something where you focus on things that attract. Some people around here know it's my smile....and my LAUGH. Just ask someone in the TinyChat group. I have been asked if I am drunk when I am perfectly sober. :drunk :lol. It must be the French lemonade I keep buying ($3.29 a bottle :roll)


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## Loveless

Pssssssssshhhhhhh. Women. Screw them. They all hate me and the feeling is mutual. I'll never find a girl.


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## To22

Loveless said:


> Pssssssssshhhhhhh. Women. Screw them. They all hate me and the feeling is mutual. I'll never find a girl.


You know what I think you need? I think you'd benefit off of some personal help. Like a guy friend that was amazing with women that helped you see the truth about yourself. The guy could bring out the good and bad about yourself that you don't realize.

It's not fair to yourself to write yourself off while you haven't had a substantial amount of experiences. You need to continue to learn and I promise you after you've learned enough you will feel much more lovable.

One day that "Loveless" will be a huge lie


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## srschirm

millenniumman75 said:


> It depends on what she was using that you wanted to use, but that is a start.


For some reason this comment just made my mind go off in a totally different direction.


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## millenniumman75

srschirm said:


> For some reason this comment just made my mind go off in a totally different direction.


:no - that's not the way I meant it.

It could have been a pen or something.


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## srschirm

millenniumman75 said:


> :no - that's not the way I meant it.
> 
> It could have been a pen or something.


I know, lol.


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## millenniumman75

srschirm said:


> I know, lol.


Even though we have been on here a while and he would know me well enough - I will probably still get a PM :lol


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## lanzman

I am hoping she'll find me. But I don't really anticipate that happening anytime soon.


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## bk

There is a girl on the bus who I am pretty sure has been checking me out. Last Friday she was staring at me to the point where I was getting really nervous. Everyday I have been thinking of approaching her and asking her out. I worry that she is perhaps too young, but there is no way of knowing without talking to her. The idea of approaching someone on a bus makes me incredibly nervous as there will be people watching and listening. But thinking about it so much is driving me nuts and I can't get her out of my head, so I really need to approach her before I go crazy. My goal is to do this tomorrow morning. 

I've been using online dating so far to get dates and I've only ever asked someone out 'off-line' once before. So this will be a huge hurdle to overcome and a pretty big achievement regardless of the result.


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## anomalous

OK, I'll bite:

Absolutely nothing.


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## huh

Well, today I bought a rag and a bottle of choloroform. That'll help me 'nab one.

Kidding of course :teeth Most females don't let me anywhere near them anyhow. I haven't been trying much at all lately.


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## Toppington

Sitting in my room, waiting for someone to fall into my lap. Not like I have any actual options at this age. Don't know if I want anything to do with relationships at this point anyway. I've always been at my happiest (which isn't saying much) when I didn't have to deal with anyone else. It's too hard to find genuine people my age. Yay. Negativity.


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## Brandeezy

I work at a grocery store so I see attractive women everyday but nothing has come out of the 2 years I've been there. It's hard to develop an conversation about other things besides what she's there at the store for


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## rymo

bk said:


> There is a girl on the bus who I am pretty sure has been checking me out. Last Friday she was staring at me to the point where I was getting really nervous. Everyday I have been thinking of approaching her and asking her out. I worry that she is perhaps too young, but there is no way of knowing without talking to her. The idea of approaching someone on a bus makes me incredibly nervous as there will be people watching and listening. But thinking about it so much is driving me nuts and I can't get her out of my head, so I really need to approach her before I go crazy. My goal is to do this tomorrow morning.
> 
> I've been using online dating so far to get dates and I've only ever asked someone out 'off-line' once before. So this will be a huge hurdle to overcome and a pretty big achievement regardless of the result.


Exactly man. Even if you get rejected you will realize how insanely easy it was to approach the girl and just ask her out. How much easier it was to just go for it rather than waiting and waiting and becoming more and more nervous and torturing yourself. I wish you the best of luck, that's a great goal and I hope you post your progress.


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## rymo

anomalous said:


> OK, I'll bite:
> 
> Absolutely nothing.


I'm assuming you want a girl. So why aren't you doing anything about it?


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## Dissonance

slowly picking off all the men on the earth so I will be the only man left.


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## Garretoo

I have pretty much taken dating off the table because of things I consider large hurdles. The main being no job and no aspirations at the moment. I feel like without either, I am probably non existent to the opposite sex. I know those things are more important than a relationship anyways, but I cannot get relationships off my mind lately and it feels like a hole that was never there before. So hopefully I can get things together soon, and eventually I'll have something to contribute to this thread.


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## Com1

I have no business with female humans. My lack of sex appeal disgusts all of them, and their disgust for me puts me off.


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## Donnie in the Dark

I am near the end of my first year at uni.

I figure that at the start of next year things should be easier- I am an established part of the place not a newbie, so i plan to right from the start be friendly, involved and on the lookout.


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## Fenren

Nothing, I've given up trying for a while but have been in denial.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Trying to lose weight is the main goal.

Also, getting over my fear of talking to attractive women. Yes, they generally go for guys that don't look like me, but that doesn't mean that I have to cancel myself out automatically every time.


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## arpeggiator

I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle, eating well and doing some exercise. And leave the house sometimes to be seen at least.
What I really should be doing: CBT. Just approaching women won't help me.


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## rgrwng

my family is trying to set me up with someone overseas, and so far the emailing has been positive. she asks a few tough questions (recently, i found she has a cat, but i am allergic to cats). her text english is understandable, but i am now worried that her speech might be off. she did mention she expresses herself better through text/emails, though, and this worries me.

i hope this experience is fun and exciting, since me just asking girls out was a bust. at first i did not like this opportunity, but since she is willing to try, i thought it would be an interesting way to spend the summer.


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## Evo

Nothing. :blank


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## MaxPower

Talking to them, I can't afford chloroform.


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## rymo

Evo said:


> Nothing. :blank


Why?


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## srschirm

arpeggiator said:


> I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle, eating well and doing some exercise. And leave the house sometimes to be seen at least.
> What I really should be doing: CBT.


You have the right idea. Exercise and CBT are helpful.


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## Droidsteel

Well, my first year of collage has just ended, I have tried to befriend/ask out at least 5 girls in collage, messaged 25 on okcupid.

Not even a date and its not fair :/


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## Music Man

Droidsteel said:


> Well, my first year of collage has just ended, I have tried to befriend/ask out at least 5 girls in collage, messaged 25 on okcupid.
> 
> Not even a date and its not fair :/


What I found at university, is that circumstances play a big part in meeting someone - girls in class, girls in accommodation, social groups etc.
In my 1st year, I got to know a few girls but they were acquaintances - when I showed interest I could tell they felt uncomfortable (interest for me was asking if they wanted to hang out etc, not anything pushy).
A couple of times I thought it would be best to try and make friends which seemed to start well but then it would just drop and they wouldn't want to hang out anymore. I don't have very good social skills though.

Also, almost every girl I have met has a boyfriend already.

I've finished uni now but am hoping to go back for a masters in October so that will be my next chance, although I don't expect anything.
Summer will yield nothing as I live in a very small town and the only girls who are in town are 16 etc - people my age from school now live in different places in the UK.


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## Evo

rymo said:


> Why?


Because I'm ugly. :|


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## rymo

Evo said:


> Because I'm ugly. :|


pics or gtfo


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## Evo

rymo said:


> pics or gtfo


I'm not going to show any pics. Too ugly. :|


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## fallen18

Evo said:


> I'm not going to show any pics. Too ugly. :|


*slap* oh shush Chris everyone knows your a cutie :b


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## Evo

fallen18 said:


> *slap* oh shush Chris everyone knows your a cutie :b


:no


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## fallen18

Evo said:


> :no


Majority of Asians are cute looking you are Asian therefore cute and your eyes are pretty. Don't deny your cuteness man!


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## rymo

I had absolutely nothing to do tonight (Friday). I was bored as hell and I wanted to do something, but the lack of friends thing hindered me quite a bit. So I decided to do the thing that changed my life around just over a year ago: go out to a bar by myself. I went to a bar a few towns over, and immediately just got...shut down. Shut down by my own mind, of course. I feel like I look better than I ever have and I felt like I was getting a few looks here and there, but I still just didn't have it in me to approach any girls.

Fast forward a bit, and I'm at a bar in my town. I decided to stop in there to check it out and just grab another beer before I called it a night. At that point I really didn't feel like I had any chance to approach anyone, because after you defeat yourself once or twice it's very hard to recover. I sat at the bar, sipping away...sipping away...when I saw in the mirror behind the bar the reflection of two girls talking to each other sitting at a booth behind me, laughing away. One of them was pretty cute, and I wanted to approach them so I could talk to her. I wanted to...but in my mind I felt like I wouldn't.

Fast forward 15 minutes and I'm walking towards their booth. I'm telling myself, "shut off your brain. Shut off your brain. Don't worry about it. Just do it. Just...do it. I arrive at their booth and say..."listen...what is SO funny? You two are having too good of a time" and smile at them. They say "We're just telling jokes back and forth [giggle]". And so on and so forth until an hour had past and I'm just continuing to talk to them, talk to their friends (it turns out they were there for their friend's b-day party), and just drink and have a good time.

I made a minor attempt to interact more with the cute one alone but it was shut down. I believe she didn't want to get hit on by a guy when she was out with her crew and she also felt bad for her less cute friend and didn't want to leave her in the dust. Totally cool, and I don't see that as a rejection. I went out BY MYSELF, approached two girls, and had a totally fun time with some random people. Success.


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## rymo

Evo said:


> I'm not going to show any pics. Too ugly. :|


Let's see 'em man. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. Think of this as a first step towards becoming a total boss. Step outside your comfort zone. That's the only way you'll improve.


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## Ape in space

rymo said:


> I had absolutely nothing to do tonight (Friday). I was bored as hell and I wanted to do something, but the lack of friends thing hindered me quite a bit. So I decided to do the thing that changed my life around just over a year ago: go out to a bar by myself. I went to a bar a few towns over, and immediately just got...shut down. Shut down by my own mind, of course. I feel like I look better than I ever have and I felt like I was getting a few looks here and there, but I still just didn't have it in me to approach any girls.
> 
> Fast forward a bit, and I'm at a bar in my town. I decided to stop in there to check it out and just grab another beer before I called it a night. At that point I really didn't feel like I had any chance to approach anyone, because after you defeat yourself once or twice it's very hard to recover. I sat at the bar, sipping away...sipping away...when I saw in the mirror behind the bar the reflection of two girls talking to each other sitting at a booth behind me, laughing away. One of them was pretty cute, and I wanted to approach them so I could talk to her. I wanted to...but in my mind I felt like I wouldn't.
> 
> Fast forward 15 minutes and I'm walking towards their booth. I'm telling myself, "shut off your brain. Shut off your brain. Don't worry about it. Just do it. Just...do it. I arrive at their booth and say..."listen...what is SO funny? You two are having too good of a time" and smile at them. They say "We're just telling jokes back and forth [giggle]". And so on and so forth until an hour had past and I'm just continuing to talk to them, talk to their friends (it turns out they were there for their friend's b-day party), and just drink and have a good time.
> 
> I made a minor attempt to interact more with the cute one alone but it was shut down. I believe she didn't want to get hit on by a guy when she was out with her crew and she also felt bad for her less cute friend and didn't want to leave her in the dust. Totally cool, and I don't see that as a rejection. I went out BY MYSELF, approached two girls, and had a totally fun time with some random people. Success.


I've been going to bars by myself for the past month (been to 3 now), but this stuff is too much beyond me, like level 10 Samurai stuff.


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## rymo

Ape in space said:


> I've been going to bars by myself for the past month (been to 3 now), but this stuff is too much beyond me, like level 10 Samurai stuff.


lol...I mean when I first started doing this type of thing it took me over a month before I had any real success. In that time I had probably gone out about 10 times and approached maybe 3 or 4 of those nights. It's not easy, but in the end it is almost always worth it. Yes, you will get rejected sometimes..maybe a lot of times..but you just can't expect that every time you talk to someone you will end up with a number or something like that. Your only expectation should be to have a good time. When you think that way you release all the pressure from your mind and it becomes A LOT easier to approach and talk to people.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I had absolutely nothing to do tonight (Friday). I was bored as hell and I wanted to do something, but the lack of friends thing hindered me quite a bit. So I decided to do the thing that changed my life around just over a year ago: go out to a bar by myself. I went to a bar a few towns over, and immediately just got...shut down. Shut down by my own mind, of course. I feel like I look better than I ever have and I felt like I was getting a few looks here and there, but I still just didn't have it in me to approach any girls.
> 
> Fast forward a bit, and I'm at a bar in my town. I decided to stop in there to check it out and just grab another beer before I called it a night. At that point I really didn't feel like I had any chance to approach anyone, because after you defeat yourself once or twice it's very hard to recover. I sat at the bar, sipping away...sipping away...when I saw in the mirror behind the bar the reflection of two girls talking to each other sitting at a booth behind me, laughing away. One of them was pretty cute, and I wanted to approach them so I could talk to her. I wanted to...but in my mind I felt like I wouldn't.
> 
> Fast forward 15 minutes and I'm walking towards their booth. I'm telling myself, "shut off your brain. Shut off your brain. Don't worry about it. Just do it. Just...do it. I arrive at their booth and say..."listen...what is SO funny? You two are having too good of a time" and smile at them. They say "We're just telling jokes back and forth [giggle]". And so on and so forth until an hour had past and I'm just continuing to talk to them, talk to their friends (it turns out they were there for their friend's b-day party), and just drink and have a good time.
> 
> I made a minor attempt to interact more with the cute one alone but it was shut down. I believe she didn't want to get hit on by a guy when she was out with her crew and she also felt bad for her less cute friend and didn't want to leave her in the dust. Totally cool, and I don't see that as a rejection. I went out BY MYSELF, approached two girls, and had a totally fun time with some random people. Success.


Good job man. You're doing what needs to be done. The BS stuff you hear in your head is there because you are getting used to it. I've been going out solo for some time now and it gets much easier. Good job with the approach as well. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it because successful interactions happen for reasons beyond that. Keep doing what you are doing and it'll get easy for you. Just stick with it. Next time you approach and interact with a girl you like ask for her number.


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## bsd3355

Ape in space said:


> I've been going to bars by myself for the past month (been to 3 now), but this stuff is too much beyond me, like level 10 Samurai stuff.


It gets much easier the more you do it. No one cares if you're alone. And most the other guys are too afraid to approach.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I just wish I knew _how _to get a girl.

I know I can get a girl. I just don't know how.


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## rymo

WintersTale said:


> I just wish I knew _how _to get a girl.
> 
> I know I can get a girl. I just don't know how.


1. Go up to a random girl

2. Say hello or make a witty remark

3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)

4. After a few minutes, ask her to put her number in your phone

5. Later that night or the next day, call her or text her. Have a quick flirty conversation and then tell her to meet you for drinks or coffee at X place at Y o clock.

6. Go on a date, have a good time, go for the kiss at the end of the night.

7. Etc


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## SambaBus

rymo said:


> 3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)


Ok, I have no experience in talking to girls, what could I talk about? I just can't see how I'm going to be able to talk to a random person for any length of time especially a girl.


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## Zeeshan

Confidence is just about everything and it doesnt matter where you are. But i think some of this approach approach stuff is stupid. See women are 100 percent more intuitive then men.

They immediately know what the angle is when a man comes up to them, and ofcourse its to hit on them. She knows he is interested in her physically, because he has only seen her physically. Thats why i have truly come to believe that being very direct is the way to go. If you like her, tell her you like her, tell her what you like about her, and if your shut down so what.

but the key is not to beat around the bush, and do stupid things like the cube. Then the girl will only be into you if she finds you attractive. If the girl finds you attractive, she will play along, if she doesnt, she will bail. But being very ballsy, and confident, gives you an amazing attraction transparent quality that many of them cant resist.

Focus on becoming transparent with your desires.

What i am starting to believe is this great quote

"If you don't ask, for fear that you might be refused, you have already refused yourself."

its just that simple. Look at the end of the day if she doesnt find you physically attractive you are just wasting your time any ways. You can spend hours doing all sorts of tricks it wont mat


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## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> 1. Go up to a random girl
> 
> 2. Say hello or make a witty remark
> 
> 3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)
> 
> 4. After a few minutes, ask her to put her number in your phone
> 
> 5. Later that night or the next day, call her or text her. Have a quick flirty conversation and then tell her to meet you for drinks or coffee at X place at Y o clock.
> 
> 6. Go on a date, have a good time, go for the kiss at the end of the night.
> 
> 7. Etc


Also this random girl stuff, what is a random girl. This is so stupid. A random girl. When you are looking for a job, do you just go to a random place of employment.

Instead just hang out places, and spot one you like, then at least you will be into it. I also thing that its better to be in context.

Going up to a girl who is walking on a street is so stupid. There has to be some context. If its a coffee shop make eye contact for a bit first at least, that way you can show her that you just couldnt resist coming upto her. Even on buses and stuff, make eye contact.

dont go up to girls going busy about their day, that is the worst when people do that. The world is filled with them

Edit October 23, 2013: Its amazing how i used to think, now i say go after what you want regardless


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## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> I just wish I knew _how _to get a girl.
> 
> I know I can get a girl. I just don't know how.


Dude man just stop. i am so sick of your whining, why do you always go around looking for people's pity. oooo i just dont know how

no one knows how, you just do it. Its filled with nervousness so what


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## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> Trying to lose weight is the main goal.
> 
> Also, getting over my fear of talking to attractive women. Yes, they generally go for guys that don't look like me, but that doesn't mean that I have to cancel myself out automatically every time.


how about you talk to some okay women first, before you go tee off against the attractive ones. Maybe that will make it easier


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## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Also this random girl stuff, what is a random girl. This is so stupid. A random girl. When you are looking for a job, do you just go to a random place of employment.
> 
> Instead just hang out places, and spot one you like, then at least you will be into it. I also thing that its better to be in context.
> 
> Going up to a girl who is walking on a street is so stupid. There has to be some context. If its a coffee shop make eye contact for a bit first at least, that way you can show her that you just couldnt resist coming upto her. Even on buses and stuff, make eye contact.
> 
> dont go up to girls going busy about their day, that is the worst when people do that. The world is filled with them


So because you're too intimidated to approach a girl "going about her day", everyone else should be as well? And wtf is a girl in a coffee shop if not a girl "going about her day"? Everyone is going about their day. There's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a girl walking down the street. What's going to happen if you do? You're going to explode? Die? What?

Also, OF COURSE you should approach someone you're into. I don't mean random as in ANYONE. I mean see someone you think is attractive and then go for it. Although in another post you tell WintersTale to go for girls he doesn't find attractive, so who the hell knows _what_ you're talking about.

Finally, when you start your own thread and someone's "whining" and you don't like it, then you can tell them to quit it. Until then, 'dude man just stop. I am so sick of your being a douche.'


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## RelinquishedHell

Unfortunately, I'm not doing anything. I just don't have what it takes to impress a girl, and I don't think I ever will. My communication skills are non-existent. :cry


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## Droidsteel

rymo said:


> 1. Go up to a random girl
> 
> 2. Say hello or make a witty remark
> 
> 3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)
> 
> 4. After a few minutes, ask her to put her number in your phone
> 
> 5. Later that night or the next day, call her or text her. Have a quick flirty conversation and then tell her to meet you for drinks or coffee at X place at Y o clock.
> 
> 6. Go on a date, have a good time, go for the kiss at the end of the night.
> 
> 7. Etc


Exactly when has this ever worked except for the exceptionally good looking though? Everyone I have ever known got into relationships by being part of the same social group as whoever they ended up with.

Not once heard of people getting together by creepily approaching strangers...

Maybe its just not something my age group do?


----------



## Peter Attis

Nothing. I'm just supposed to stop looking and they'll come naturally, right?


----------



## Luka92

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Unfortunately, I'm not doing anything. I just don't have what it takes to impress a girl, and I don't think I ever will. My communication skills are non-existent. :cry


Same here.


----------



## rymo

Droidsteel said:


> Exactly when has this ever worked except for the exceptionally good looking though? Everyone I have ever known got into relationships by being part of the same social group as whoever they ended up with.
> 
> Not once heard of people getting together by creepily approaching strangers...
> 
> Maybe its just not something my age group do?


Who said anything about approaching them creepily? Why does approaching a girl have such a stigma to you? In college, I can't even begin to count the number of times I saw a guy go up to some girl that was walking around on campus and just start chatting her up. Creepy? Not really. It's called socializing. And if you have no social group, like a lot of people here, it's a pretty good option. At the very least you gain experience talking to girls. At worst, you lose...a few minutes of your precious time?

Sure, at your age (I'm assuming you're in high school or just graduated), a lot of people find girls in their social groups, by doing activities or being in a club. But what about the classic "go to the mall to pick up girls" high school routine? I mean plenty of kids were doing that back in the day.


----------



## NoName99

Nada. Sorry for being another negative voice... I know you mean well, rymo, but it's just too damn hard and stressful for me to do what it takes. I'm just sitting back, relaxing, and trying to enjoy whatever few things I've got going for myself in this life for as long as my survival instinct forces me to.


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> Nada. Sorry for being another negative voice... I know you mean well, rymo, but it's just too damn hard and stressful for me to do what it takes. I'm just sitting back, relaxing, and trying to enjoy whatever few things I've got going for myself in this life for as long as my survival instinct forces me to.


It's okay, I think I'm getting used to the fact that you can't maintain a positive thread on this forum, at least in the Relationship section.

I just want to reiterate that I created this thread mostly so that people who were doing absolutely nothing could be somewhat motivated to set small goals for achieving what you want. For example, not doing anything to talk to a girl? Okay, then come in here and post a goal for yourself: "On Friday I am going to approach such and such girl." And then when you've achieved that goal, come in and talk about it here and get encouragement, tips, and feedback.

I really would prefer not to hear how everyone is doing NOTHING, because that doesn't help anyone. NoName, I've seen pictures of you, you're a good looking guy. The only thing holding you back is your mind and it kills me to see that you're not motivated to change it right now.


----------



## Timeofallout

The experience that I'm about to share is fairly old, but it's all I've got. I was at the theater after having several drinks and checked my FB from my cell. I noticed a post from a girl that I'd been interested in for some time and she mentioned she was having a "date night with a friend". Since I was a little intoxicated I decided to make a comment which came out as "hey, maybe you should date night me sometime ". I woke up in the morning and had a message that we should go out and get to know each other. So, you never know what can happen if you take a leap. 

*I used to work with were but we hardly talked* just a note. 

But, as of lately I haven't been doing anything. My life just seems to depressing and sedentary to actually support a relationship or make someone happy. :blank


----------



## rymo

Timeofallout said:


> The experience that I'm about to share is fairly old, but it's all I've got. I was at the theater after having several drinks and checked my FB from my cell. I noticed a post from a girl that I'd been interested in for some time and she mentioned she was having a "date night with a friend". Since I was a little intoxicated I decided to make a comment which came out as "hey, maybe you should date night me sometime ". I woke up in the morning and had a message that we should go out and get to know each other. So, you never know what can happen if you take a leap.
> 
> *I used to work with were but we hardly talked* just a note.
> 
> But, as of lately I haven't been doing anything. My life just seems to depressing and sedentary to actually support a relationship or make someone happy. :blank


Great stuff. It seems that now though you have other things holding you back aside from the lack of girls. It seems like you need to focus on finding hobbies or activities to make yourself more productive and happy before you find a girl. While I think that both can be done at the same time to a certain extent, I also think that maintaining a successful relationship _is_ only possible when you are secure with yourself or at least on the road to that internal happiness.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

I'm not actively seeking a gf right now, but I do think I'll want one in the not-too-distant future; what I'm doing right now is exploring my interests and making myself a more interesting person. This will help my dating prospects down the road.

There is, however, a girl who I'm pretty confident wants me to ask her out. She was my student last semester, and I find her extremely attractive. If she continues to come talk to me and give me signals, I'll ask her out. So I guess I'm not averse to dating right now.


----------



## rymo

PaysageDHiver said:


> I'm not actively seeking a gf right now, but I do think I'll want one in the not-too-distant future; what I'm doing right now is exploring my interests and making myself a more interesting person. This will help my dating prospects down the road.
> 
> There is, however, a girl who I'm pretty confident wants me to ask her out. She was my student last semester, and I find her extremely attractive. If she continues to come talk to me and give me signals, I'll ask her out. So I guess I'm not averse to dating right now.


Excellent, glad to hear it. You teach btw? Pretty impressive for someone with SA. What do you teach?


----------



## Timeofallout

Truth. By far the lack of a good job and having to move home definitely has put a damper on my ability to rationalize pursuing a relationship. I have hobbies, some are productive, others not as much. Since I have a lot of free time with less work I've been spending most of my time on my PS3 pursuing Platinum trophies. I also airsoft which get's me out of the house. I went into the mountains for a game with weekend 

But at any rate. I guess the worst feeling I've been experiencing is an extreme lack of motivation to better my situation. Even though I'm lonely and vastly less independent I can't seem to get out of this rut.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

rymo said:


> 1. Go up to a random girl
> 
> 2. Say hello or make a witty remark
> 
> 3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)
> 
> 4. After a few minutes, ask her to put her number in your phone
> 
> 5. Later that night or the next day, call her or text her. Have a quick flirty conversation and then tell her to meet you for drinks or coffee at X place at Y o clock.
> 
> 6. Go on a date, have a good time, go for the kiss at the end of the night.
> 
> 7. Etc


What if she doesn't like the way you look? Not everyone likes the same thing.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

rymo said:


> Excellent, glad to hear it. You teach btw? Pretty impressive for someone with SA. What do you teach?


Philosophy. I teach discussion sections of around 20 kids (mostly freshman, although the aforementioned girl was a senior).

Once I'm used to my groups of kids, I'm pretty at ease when teaching. I set an agenda for every class, and I feel comfortable carrying it out. My SA gives me problems when I'm talking to someone in close quarters (especially if I don't know them well) and there is no set agenda (i.e., I have to "create" and spontaneously be interesting).


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> What if she doesn't like the way you look? Not everyone likes the same thing.


What if she is a lesbian? What if she is not into guys that breathe? You can't know unless you try.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> I had absolutely nothing to do tonight (Friday). I was bored as hell and I wanted to do something, but the lack of friends thing hindered me quite a bit. So I decided to do the thing that changed my life around just over a year ago: go out to a bar by myself. I went to a bar a few towns over, and immediately just got...shut down. Shut down by my own mind, of course. I feel like I look better than I ever have and I felt like I was getting a few looks here and there, but I still just didn't have it in me to approach any girls.
> 
> Fast forward a bit, and I'm at a bar in my town. I decided to stop in there to check it out and just grab another beer before I called it a night. At that point I really didn't feel like I had any chance to approach anyone, because after you defeat yourself once or twice it's very hard to recover. I sat at the bar, sipping away...sipping away...when I saw in the mirror behind the bar the reflection of two girls talking to each other sitting at a booth behind me, laughing away. One of them was pretty cute, and I wanted to approach them so I could talk to her. I wanted to...but in my mind I felt like I wouldn't.
> 
> Fast forward 15 minutes and I'm walking towards their booth. I'm telling myself, "shut off your brain. Shut off your brain. Don't worry about it. Just do it. Just...do it. I arrive at their booth and say..."listen...what is SO funny? You two are having too good of a time" and smile at them. They say "We're just telling jokes back and forth [giggle]". And so on and so forth until an hour had past and I'm just continuing to talk to them, talk to their friends (it turns out they were there for their friend's b-day party), and just drink and have a good time.
> 
> I made a minor attempt to interact more with the cute one alone but it was shut down. I believe she didn't want to get hit on by a guy when she was out with her crew and she also felt bad for her less cute friend and didn't want to leave her in the dust. Totally cool, and I don't see that as a rejection. I went out BY MYSELF, approached two girls, and had a totally fun time with some random people. Success.


Thank you for this inspiring story. In my mind what you did is THE WAY to get over social anxiety. Did you not feel you were in a position to get any contact information?


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Thank you for this inspiring story. In my mind what you did is THE WAY to get over social anxiety. Did you not feel you were in a position to get any contact information?


Nah...I truly did feel like the cute girl was playing hard to get and also didn't want to make her friend feel bad by isolating herself with some guy. It was also late and I had Habitat for Humanity bright and early in the morning the next day. It was a success regardless so I didn't really care if I got a number or not. I was just glad I approached and had a good time. I feel like if you don't go in with any expectation except to enjoy yourself then you will be much better off.


----------



## low

To sort my life out generally my main priority is to get a job = Money, own place, self sustainability, get away from my family. Though I look constantly and I apply to a few but that's after a lot of searching and the ones I do there is rarely anything heard back. I don't know what else to do. I am incredibly frustrated some days after searching and nothing or applying and not hearing back. This is a real conscious effort too...and nothing.


----------



## NoName99

rymo said:


> ...
> I really would prefer not to hear how everyone is doing NOTHING, because that doesn't help anyone. NoName, I've seen pictures of you, you're a good looking guy. The only thing holding you back is your mind and it kills me to see that you're not motivated to change it right now.


Thanks for the support once more, but it's killing me to keep trying and failing. (I'll stop being a thread killjoy after this one, I promise.)


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> Thanks for the support once more, but it's killing me to keep trying and failing. (I'll stop being a thread killjoy after this one, I promise.)


Well then let's at least hear about your most recent attempts and what you think went wrong with them.


----------



## kiirby

Nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.

I know exactly what I ought to be doing but I'm too scared and lazy to put any of it into practice.


----------



## BobtheBest

Talk **** and celebrate. :boogie:lol


----------



## NoName99

TL;DR Wow, wall of text! :teeth



rymo said:


> Well then let's at least hear about your most recent attempts and what you think went wrong with them.


Given that I don't know many girls, and the ones I do know I'm not interested in or are taken, what I've got left is resorting to dating sites, finding ways to meet new people, and/or do random approaches.

Dating sites. Yeah, I gave them a shot a while back. Pulled through the anxiety and went on three dates with three girls. They went reasonably well, but I just wasn't interested. I wasn't attracted to any of them, and in the end, the amount of energy I had to put in to tolerate the anxiety just wasn't worth it. Other than that, I had a pretty enviable ratio concerning messages-sent / replies-received with other girls with decent photos, but it went nowhere really fast, so eventually I gave up. It didn't help that there just aren't many girls to choose from around here. So, I tried, it didn't work out; enough is enough, and good riddance.

Ways to meet new people. I thought about taking dance classes, which is something I think could be a lot of fun, but I couldn't get myself to go. I have an enormous difficulty doing things by myself which I've never done before -- my anxiety shoots through the roof like crazy, despite all the previously unimaginable things I do today. I went from a complete shut-in to someone who leaves in the morning and doesn't know how late he'll be back, _every _day. I'm with people, _every_ day, and even though I can't say I have a social life, I certainly have at least a glimpse of one. And yet, I still can't make a ****ing phone call without hesitating a zillion times. It's as hard as it's always been. I also still can't go to new places without turning into a nervous wreck with the anticipation, and there's no sign this fear is fading, even in the slightest. So, if I can't do that...

... I certainly can't do random approaches either. Plus it's really rare, apparently moreso than ever, for a girl to show any kind of interest. And I'm a university student and work at another college, so there's really no shortage of females who I cross paths with in my daily life. Which is a real shame, because any other guy in my shoes would be having the time of his life. But me, no way. :no Some girls I know and talk to frequently won't even say hi to me properly (kiss on the cheek), when they do everybody else. Clearly, their sixth sense is setting off alarms, so that's a no-go as well...

... So this all means I'm tired of trying to overcome my fundamental fears with zero success. Sure, I conquered a lot of stuff and my life is unquestionably the best it has ever been, but the anxiety hasn't diminished one bit. I could just keep trying and trying I suppose, but I just don't see the point. Especially since what I want now doesn't depend solely on me, and is something that is difficult to get, even for normal people. It's more frustrating and exhausting than I can handle, so I decided to just throw in the towel and be done with it.


----------



## Hamster

rymo said:


> 1. Go up to a random girl
> 
> 2. Say hello or make a witty remark
> 
> 3. Start having a conversation with her (it's all about the push and pull, that's what will make her attracted to you)
> 
> 4. After a few minutes, ask her to put her number in your phone
> 
> 5. Later that night or the next day, call her or text her. Have a quick flirty conversation and then tell her to meet you for drinks or coffee at X place at Y o clock.
> 
> 6. Go on a date, have a good time, go for the kiss at the end of the night.
> 
> 7. Etc


are you sure asking a girl for her number is good? i mean that happened to me a couple times (people asked me to put my number in their phone) and i felt soooo uncomfortable lol. and you never know if they like coffee or not. and a planned kiss might not end well. and.....well....yea


----------



## rymo

Hamster said:


> are you sure asking a girl for her number is good? i mean that happened to me a couple times (people asked me to put my number in their phone) and i felt soooo uncomfortable lol. and you never know if they like coffee or not. and a planned kiss might not end well. and.....well....yea


And lightning may strike and kill you when you step out the door.


----------



## jalltheway

*Desparate Help with a girl that already has a boyfriend*

I dont know if this is the right place to post this but PLEASE READ MY ENTIRE STORY I ask is for your advice. No one seems to be helping me out in other sites.
:help 

Ever since freshmen year I have been in love with this girl who has been the manager for the sport I am currently playing (there is a reason for not saying the sport). 
Sadly, she no longer manages the team and has probably forgot who I am since she has not been in any of my classes and I rarely see her during passing periods and lunch. When I do see her my stomach drops, my heart races, and I feel like electricity is running through my entire body. The only for sure time I would see her is during her practice after school as I play my other sport (her sport is different than the one just mention and the one above). Every time I see her and her boyfriend together, it kills me and I know she really deserves a better loving man than him.:mum On the bright side, hopefully she will be in some of my classes in next year and will get to know me again. If she does end up in my class, what if the seating rows are in alphabetical order, how will I end up getting to know her and how would she get to notice my many talents?

One of my friends however, has known her since elementary and says she is a kind, smart athletic and funny person (he does not like her, he already told me he likes someone else for sure). 

It is now summer break (6 weeks) and every day I have been conditioning and working out 2-3 hours every day while thinking of her every second. I am also planning to get a job in the next week because I know if she miraculously dumps her boyfriend and falls for me, I would have to invest a lot of time and money on her. 

Is it wise to try to become her friend first for her to get to know me? Also what are the odds that she and her boyfriend will be together when he graduates?(he is going to be a senior while she is going to be a junior like me) 

Here are following traits that would describe me in order for you to give me advice for the future. Sorry if my traits seem to good to be true/opinionated 

ATHLETIC 
-somewhat muscular in that I am kind of skinny/ripped, have definition (six pack) 
-2 varsity sports both for 2 years
- for sure 2 sports varsity both for 4 years by the time i graduate
-already have letterman's jacket
-won county championships

MUSICALLY INCLINED 
-can play some songs the first time by ear (piano, uke, guitar)

-Should I play a romantic song in front of her? 

ARTISTIC 
-can draw almost anything but can be very time consuming (AP art student)

-already drew an almost prefect portrait of her on the last week of school and thought Y.O.L.O. but chickened out in giving it to her due to the possible consequences and regret. (I need help getting more confident and getting rid of my shyness). 

INTELLIGENT 
-honor roll since elementary school
-smart but not in a super nerdy way

-If she ends up in any of my class should I participate a lot so that if there were a project she would pick me as a partner since she would notice I am very smart? 

KIND 
-always giving friends who don't have lunch food from my own lunch
-letting people "borrow money" 
-never cuss at parents or/with friends

Is there any way to make her notice me above her boyfriend without being cocky? 

I for got to mention I'm a capricorn and she is a cancer in zodiac symbols. Is it true that opposites attract? I have herd that it is like ying and yang.

The thing is, I know that many other girls like me but they are not the ones I am interested in. The one I am in love with, is different than all the other girls I have liked in the past. I have not liked anyone for this long. I Truly love her and will do anything it will take just to get to know her and to win her heart.
:thanks


----------



## Droidsteel

rymo said:


> Who said anything about approaching them creepily? Why does approaching a girl have such a stigma to you? In college, I can't even begin to count the number of times I saw a guy go up to some girl that was walking around on campus and just start chatting her up. Creepy? Not really. It's called socializing. And if you have no social group, like a lot of people here, it's a pretty good option. At the very least you gain experience talking to girls. At worst, you lose...a few minutes of your precious time?
> 
> Sure, at your age (I'm assuming you're in high school or just graduated), a lot of people find girls in their social groups, by doing activities or being in a club. But what about the classic "go to the mall to pick up girls" high school routine? I mean plenty of kids were doing that back in the day.


Collage starts at 16 here, im in collage. I have approched a few girls, and I actually make conversation with them. But its obvious they are creeped out so I dont bother anymore.

Also ive never ever seen anyone else do this. Normal people dont need to so people arent used to it.


----------



## Dissonance

Setting up bear traps.


----------



## rymo

Droidsteel said:


> Collage starts at 16 here, im in collage. I have approched a few girls, and I actually make conversation with them. But its obvious they are creeped out so I dont bother anymore.
> 
> Also ive never ever seen anyone else do this. Normal people dont need to so people arent used to it.


If they're creeped out then you're doing something wrong. Yes, a lot of girls aren't used to it, but that doesn't mean it's bad. That actually gives you a leg up on other guys, since you had the balls to not give a **** and do what you want.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> If they're creeped out then you're doing something wrong. Yes, a lot of girls aren't used to it, but that doesn't mean it's bad. That actually gives you a leg up on other guys, since you had the balls to not give a **** and do what you want.


And also I should note that the thought that he was "creepy" may be his own cognitive error.


----------



## rymo

jalltheway said:


> I dont know if this is the right place to post this but PLEASE READ MY ENTIRE STORY I ask is for your advice. No one seems to be helping me out in other sites.
> :help
> 
> Ever since freshmen year I have been in love with this girl who has been the manager for the sport I am currently playing (there is a reason for not saying the sport).
> Sadly, she no longer manages the team and has probably forgot who I am since she has not been in any of my classes and I rarely see her during passing periods and lunch. When I do see her my stomach drops, my heart races, and I feel like electricity is running through my entire body. The only for sure time I would see her is during her practice after school as I play my other sport (her sport is different than the one just mention and the one above). Every time I see her and her boyfriend together, it kills me and I know she really deserves a better loving man than him.:mum On the bright side, hopefully she will be in some of my classes in next year and will get to know me again. If she does end up in my class, what if the seating rows are in alphabetical order, how will I end up getting to know her and how would she get to notice my many talents?
> 
> One of my friends however, has known her since elementary and says she is a kind, smart athletic and funny person (he does not like her, he already told me he likes someone else for sure).
> 
> It is now summer break (6 weeks) and every day I have been conditioning and working out 2-3 hours every day while thinking of her every second. I am also planning to get a job in the next week because I know if she miraculously dumps her boyfriend and falls for me, I would have to invest a lot of time and money on her.
> 
> Is it wise to try to become her friend first for her to get to know me? Also what are the odds that she and her boyfriend will be together when he graduates?(he is going to be a senior while she is going to be a junior like me)
> 
> Here are following traits that would describe me in order for you to give me advice for the future. Sorry if my traits seem to good to be true/opinionated
> 
> ATHLETIC
> -somewhat muscular in that I am kind of skinny/ripped, have definition (six pack)
> -2 varsity sports both for 2 years
> - for sure 2 sports varsity both for 4 years by the time i graduate
> -already have letterman's jacket
> -won county championships
> 
> MUSICALLY INCLINED
> -can play some songs the first time by ear (piano, uke, guitar)
> 
> -Should I play a romantic song in front of her?
> 
> ARTISTIC
> -can draw almost anything but can be very time consuming (AP art student)
> 
> -already drew an almost prefect portrait of her on the last week of school and thought Y.O.L.O. but chickened out in giving it to her due to the possible consequences and regret. (I need help getting more confident and getting rid of my shyness).
> 
> INTELLIGENT
> -honor roll since elementary school
> -smart but not in a super nerdy way
> 
> -If she ends up in any of my class should I participate a lot so that if there were a project she would pick me as a partner since she would notice I am very smart?
> 
> KIND
> -always giving friends who don't have lunch food from my own lunch
> -letting people "borrow money"
> -never cuss at parents or/with friends
> 
> Is there any way to make her notice me above her boyfriend without being cocky?
> 
> I for got to mention I'm a capricorn and she is a cancer in zodiac symbols. Is it true that opposites attract? I have herd that it is like ying and yang.
> 
> The thing is, I know that many other girls like me but they are not the ones I am interested in. The one I am in love with, is different than all the other girls I have liked in the past. I have not liked anyone for this long. I Truly love her and will do anything it will take just to get to know her and to win her heart.
> :thanks


You're not in love with her, you're infatuated with her. It's a deep, deep crush that has been enhanced with years of longing and desperation. True love takes work and time and is *mutual*. You've put her on a pedestal, above all other girls, and you're acting like she's the only one in the world for you. We've all done it, but it's a mistake - ESPECIALLY since she has a boyfriend.

Sure, she may leave her boyfriend eventually. But she may not. You never know and it's a situation best left alone. There are plenty of girls out there who you will meet and will be into you and you will be into them. You will go through a lot with them and eventually fall into true love. You seem to have a lot going for you, so the only real way to get the girl of your dreams is to practice the one thing your missing: confidence. Start talking to people more, doing CBT, whatever it takes to put yourself out there and lower your anxiety. I don't know your specific situation when it comes to SA, but it sounds to me like you have all the right elements to really start fighting it (you have hobbies, you work out, you're smart, etc.). You have the opportunities to be around people, so use that advantage to really work on your SA. In the process, you'll meet some great people and eventually a girl who doesn't have a boyfriend and who rox your socks off.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> And also I should note that the thought that he was "creepy" may be his own cognitive error.


Great point


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> TL;DR Wow, wall of text! :teeth
> 
> Given that I don't know many girls, and the ones I do know I'm not interested in or are taken, what I've got left is resorting to dating sites, finding ways to meet new people, and/or do random approaches.
> 
> Dating sites. Yeah, I gave them a shot a while back. Pulled through the anxiety and went on three dates with three girls. They went reasonably well, but I just wasn't interested. I wasn't attracted to any of them, and in the end, the amount of energy I had to put in to tolerate the anxiety just wasn't worth it. Other than that, I had a pretty enviable ratio concerning messages-sent / replies-received with other girls with decent photos, but it went nowhere really fast, so eventually I gave up. It didn't help that there just aren't many girls to choose from around here. So, I tried, it didn't work out; enough is enough, and good riddance.
> 
> Ways to meet new people. I thought about taking dance classes, which is something I think could be a lot of fun, but I couldn't get myself to go. I have an enormous difficulty doing things by myself which I've never done before -- my anxiety shoots through the roof like crazy, despite all the previously unimaginable things I do today. I went from a complete shut-in to someone who leaves in the morning and doesn't know how late he'll be back, _every _day. I'm with people, _every_ day, and even though I can't say I have a social life, I certainly have at least a glimpse of one. And yet, I still can't make a ****ing phone call without hesitating a zillion times. It's as hard as it's always been. I also still can't go to new places without turning into a nervous wreck with the anticipation, and there's no sign this fear is fading, even in the slightest. So, if I can't do that...
> 
> ... I certainly can't do random approaches either. Plus it's really rare, apparently moreso than ever, for a girl to show any kind of interest. And I'm a university student and work at another college, so there's really no shortage of females who I cross paths with in my daily life. Which is a real shame, because any other guy in my shoes would be having the time of his life. But me, no way. :no Some girls I know and talk to frequently won't even say hi to me properly (kiss on the cheek), when they do everybody else. Clearly, their sixth sense is setting off alarms, so that's a no-go as well...
> 
> ... So this all means I'm tired of trying to overcome my fundamental fears with zero success. Sure, I conquered a lot of stuff and my life is unquestionably the best it has ever been, but the anxiety hasn't diminished one bit. I could just keep trying and trying I suppose, but I just don't see the point. Especially since what I want now doesn't depend solely on me, and is something that is difficult to get, even for normal people. It's more frustrating and exhausting than I can handle, so I decided to just throw in the towel and be done with it.


Girls aren't just going to randomly show interest most of the time. You already know I was 24 before I got any type of action for the first time, and I've been told I'm a good looking guy. Despite that, I never really had any female attention before I started just going for it. You can't count on random opportunities falling into your lap - you just can't.

So that leaves giving up, online dating, and approaching. **** giving up, that's just not an option. So let's focus on online dating right now. A lot of guys give it a bad rap around here, but I say we revisit it. You say it took too much energy dealing with the anxiety. But if you can't handle the anxiety of going on a date, then how would approaching or joining a class/activity be any different? The reality is the only way for you to overcome the anxiety is for you to face it head on. You say it was too much to handle, but I guarantee if you go on a date with someone you're interested in you will be PLENTY motivated to push through that anxiety.

I would love to create a profile for you with your pictures and some basic information about yourself and try my luck setting up a date. You could find girls that you seem interested in and I will message them and see what happens, and you could view the progress each step of the way. I suspect before you were just going for anyone that showed interest, but let's go for a girl this time that YOU'RE interested in. Let me know if this is something you want to try out


----------



## NoName99

rymo said:


> Girls aren't just going to randomly show interest most of the time. You already know I was 24 before I got any type of action for the first time, and I've been told I'm a good looking guy. Despite that, I never really had any female attention before I started just going for it. You can't count on random opportunities falling into your lap - you just can't.


Yes, I know, but the point is that even if some strange cosmic rays would make them show interest in me, I still wouldn't be able to do anything about it.



rymo said:


> So that leaves giving up, online dating, and approaching. **** giving up, that's just not an option.


Haha ... I admire that attitude, but that's not me at all. :afr My way is more along the lines of, "Need effort to change? **** that".



rymo said:


> So let's focus on online dating right now. A lot of guys give it a bad rap around here, but I say we revisit it. You say it took too much energy dealing with the anxiety. But if you can't handle the anxiety of going on a date, then how would approaching or joining a class/activity be any different? The reality is the only way for you to overcome the anxiety is for you to face it head on. *You say it was too much to handle, but I guarantee if you go on a date with someone you're interested in you will be PLENTY motivated to push through that anxiety.*


Oh I believe that entirely, especially since it happened to me last year. But the problem remains: anxiety over anticipation. I can deal with the anxiety during and after, but not before. Those dates I set up through online, I was shaking and breaking out in tears a few hours before going. I let myself release all that tension and everything ended up going alright, but it's not something I want to go through yet again. I just know it would be a lot easier to go on a first date the old fashioned way, knowing and having talked to the girl beforehand. The fear of the unknown is just to much for me.



rymo said:


> I would love to create a profile for you with your pictures and some basic information about yourself and try my luck setting up a date. You could find girls that you seem interested in and I will message them and see what happens, and you could view the progress each step of the way. I suspect before you were just going for anyone that showed interest, but let's go for a girl this time that YOU'RE interested in. Let me know if this is something you want to try out


:lol Hehe... Two of the three girls didn't have incredibly attractive photos and messaged me first, but I decided, what the hell, maybe they're just not photogenic; and the other had a very beautiful picture of herself, and I contacted her, but all of them turned out to be unattractive to me. But, you know, I followed a few bits of advice from you concerning how to message girls on dating sites, and, like I said, I got lots of replies, probably more than 60% of the time (I think I have a sufficiently decent profile, some girls said so, at least. I can give you the link, it's in english, okcupid). I got the conversation going, and if I felt the girl was also showing interest, I'd eventually suggest a date after some time, depending on how well we seemed to be getting along. They all said, sure but not yet, let's talk some more first. And we did... until they stopped replying... So, nah, I just can't be bothered with that anymore. Not to mention that there no longer were any decent looking, well written profiles of girls available. There were maybe two dozens, tops? I contacted them all.


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> Yes, I know, but the point is that even if some strange cosmic rays would make them show interest in me, I still wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
> 
> Haha ... I admire that attitude, but that's not me at all. :afr My way is more along the lines of, "Need effort to change? **** that".
> 
> Oh I believe that entirely, especially since it happened to me last year. But the problem remains: anxiety over anticipation. I can deal with the anxiety during and after, but not before. Those dates I set up through online, I was shaking and breaking out in tears a few hours before going. I let myself release all that tension and everything ended up going alright, but it's not something I want to go through yet again. I just know it would be a lot easier to go on a first date the old fashioned way, knowing and having talked to the girl beforehand. The fear of the unknown is just to much for me.
> 
> :lol Hehe... Two of the three girls didn't have incredibly attractive photos and messaged me first, but I decided, what the hell, maybe they're just not photogenic; and the other had a very beautiful picture of herself, and I contacted her, but all of them turned out to be unattractive to me. But, you know, I followed a few bits of advice from you concerning how to message girls on dating sites, and, like I said, I got lots of replies, probably more than 60% of the time (I think I have a sufficiently decent profile, some girls said so, at least. I can give you the link, it's in english, okcupid). I got the conversation going, and if I felt the girl was also showing interest, I'd eventually suggest a date after some time, depending on how well we seemed to be getting along. They all said, sure but not yet, let's talk some more first. And we did... until they stopped replying... So, nah, I just can't be bothered with that anymore. Not to mention that there no longer were any decent looking, well written profiles of girls available. There were maybe two dozens, tops? I contacted them all.


I don't know man. It seems like you have everything going for you. You even have the ability to get dates, which is more than a lot of guys can say on here right now (at the least they haven't unlocked their potential yet). So here it is...you can get things started with a girl, but getting to that point is too much anxiety for you to deal with. So again your options are: continue to push through that anxiety (experience and practice will diminish it) and get what you want out of life, or give up. I really don't see what choice you have. Like I said, a lot of guys here would kill to be in your position, appreciate the amazing progress you've made so far and build off of that.

By the way, just a little tip... it's generally better to get the girl's number and continue to talk to her on the phone/texting and THEN asking her out, instead of asking her out from OkCupid.


----------



## DreamAway

I'm not doing anything to get a girl. I am however doing a lot to better myself and make myself 'happier' with my own life. (I think this might equate to improving chances of meeting the right girl!). Chur.


----------



## rymo

DreamAway said:


> I'm not doing anything to get a girl. I am however doing a lot to better myself and make myself 'happier' with my own life. (I think this might equate to improving chances of meeting the right girl!). Chur.


I don't know what "chur" means but I think focusing on yourself is definitely a great idea and will absolutely improve your chances to meet the right girl.


----------



## NoName99

rymo said:


> By the way, just a little tip... it's generally better to get the girl's number and continue to talk to her on the phone/texting and THEN asking her out, instead of asking her out from OkCupid.


For some reason, I found it harder to ask their number than to invite them for coffee. I guess I may have just wanted to get it over with asap lol :teeth


----------



## PaysageDHiver

So I again talked to that girl (see above) and she was giving signals (hair-playing, laughing at everything I said, saying she wasn't busy) so I asked her out. I'll be getting in touch with her to set something up. Might take her hiking. Found out she's only 20, which is younger than I thought she was (I would have guessed 22 or so, since she's been in school for four years).


----------



## rymo

PaysageDHiver said:


> So I again talked to that girl (see above) and she was giving signals (hair-playing, laughing at everything I said, saying she wasn't busy) so I asked her out. I'll be getting in touch with her to set something up. Might take her hiking. Found out she's only 20, which is younger than I thought she was (I would have guessed 22 or so, since she's been in school for four years).


Congrats man!


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## srschirm

More stories needed.


----------



## rymo

Set up a date for tomorrow night with a girl from OkCupid. Spent about 3 weeks messaging her online (which is unusual for me, usually if there's success it happens within a few days because I will try to get their number in 4-6 messages), but you'll see why when you read the messages. So here they are, the online messages I sent to get her number (and subsequently set up a date) and her replies. I've changed places and numbers and other personal stuff to XXXXX, which is probably pretty annoying but you can still get the gist. Her profile says she is awesome, she falls of chairs, she's honest, has tattoos, is going to school, she charms friends' parents socks off, and in one of her pictures she is waving around a sparkler in dramatic fashion:

*ME:* Hey there, I was just wondering - are you awesome? Oh...oh I see you've already answered that one  It does take quite an awesome person to be able to consistently fall off chairs, I must say. And

*ME:* ...and I just hit send before my message was complete. Does that level of klutziness make me awesome as well? Haha...sigh.

I like how you say you're honest, as an incredibly honest guy myself (I mean just look at how my profile clearly doesn't exaggerate a thing about me), I can say that is a very impressive attribute to have. Tell me about one of your tattoos, I would love to hear a tat story 

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Its a really special brand of klutziness that enables an individual to hit send so prematurely...about the same brand that makes me spontaneously fall off of chairs 

Lets see, how about I tell you about my least favorite tattoo...it definitely has the best story haha. Ok, so, it was the summer before my freshman year of college, a few months after I had gotten my first tattoo (they're incredibly addicting FYI). I was in the XXXXX mall with a friend and, I dont' know if you know this, but there's a tattoo parlor right in there! Weird right?! So anyway, I go inside just to talk cause when do you ever see a tattoo parlor in a mall, and I was telling this guy that I really wanted a new one but I didn't know what to get, and he told me if I got one right then he would knock fifty dollars off the price. So, long story short, I ended up with the most cliche tattoo of a moon and stars on my ankle. Its also pretty ugly. Like really.

But anyway! Do you have any tattoos you've acquired on your extensive travels to exotic locales?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* I have acquired a grand total of 0 tattoos on my travels thus far. I know - you don't have to say it - I'm a pretty unique and exotic individual. Honestly, I find tattoos attractive and interesting, just as long as they're not on me  It's great that you can find humor in the story of a tattoo even if it turned out to be a bad one. And I admire your adventurousness for even venturing into the XXXXX mall, let alone getting a tattoo there. Saving the world from evil villains doesn't seem so impressive compared to that 

So what foreign land is your family from that they named you XXXXX?

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* No foreign land, unfortunately, much less exciting, my fathers name is Eric and my parents like the name "Erica" but my dad "didn't want me named after him" and so this spelling came about. It also has a different meaning than the more traditional spelling.

So now that you know all about my name, could you tell me yours and more about your antics saving the world?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* I don't know all about your name. I still don't know what it means. But if I had to guess I would say "one who charms peoples' socks off." Mine are only half off though, I will resist!!! 

About me? Talking about saving the world is boring, so I'll get to the really FASCINATING stuff: I'm a web developer. I like to work hard and play hard. I don't take life too seriously and I enjoy any activity as long as it's with good people (or a good person). Super (duper) awesome and honest to a fault. I'll prove it, ask me anything? 

So what do you like to do for fun? My name is Ryan, by the way. Nice to meet you, one who charms peoples' socks off.

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Honest to a fault? I suffer from a similar condition, sometimes my brain to mouth filter doesn't exactly do its job. Ask you anything, huh? Hmmmm...whats the most exciting thing you've done? Or the most interesting part about your job?

I like doing lots of different things for fun! I have to admit though, I have a tendency to hermit if given any sort of opportunity, in which case my idea of fun is movies and reading, lots of reading. But when I'm being a normal human being i love going out to knew places, drinks, seeing a band; I'm really easy going and mostly up for anything  what about you? Whats a fun night look like on your end?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* The most exciting thing I've done OR the most interesting part of my job? Thank you for giving me an option on which to answer, how about we save the former for some other time? The most interesting part of my job is that I am basically the only one doing what I'm doing, at least in my section of the company. A lot of people come to me with questions, suggestions, feature requests and the like, and it's great to have people who rely on you for different things. It's fun to interact with so many people. Also, job security is nice 

A fun night for me is selling some drugs on the corner and pimping my - oops...sorry...*brain to mouth filter engaged*: I like to go for a drink at new bars or clubs, go hear some music....damnit, what you said  Total procrastinator but I can either go out or stay in and both are fine with me.

So XXXXX the awesome one, your turn: What's the most interesting part of your job (or your school with way too many girls in XXXXX)? Send me a text at XXX-XXX-XXXX and let me know 

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Oh wow! Sounds like you are an integral part of a very complicated company. Also a very secret one, the way you described what you do makes me think that you work for some secret agency. I'm not entirely sure why, but it does. And now I'm amusing myself by imagining you wearing bond-esque clothing whilst you type away in front of some master computer.

Where do you like to go out? The only places I've really been out to are in XXXXX and a few in XXXXX. I can totally sympathize with the procrastination problem, my motto is why do today what you can put off to tomorrow?

The most interesting part about my school is that we are 93% girls. Its worse than if it were entirely women. Really. It gets SUPER catty haha

Ok, I'm gonna be blunt. I'm a little hesitant to text you because I gave my number to a guy on this site (the first time I've done that) and he texted me non-stop for a week, he turned into a serious stage five clinger. So I hope you understand my weariness and don't mind if we keep messaging here for a little while longer?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* I don't have a problem messaging on here more. Since we're both procrastinators anyway, we might as well put off texting each other 'till tomorrow.

I like to hang out here in XXXX, XXXXX, sometimes XXXXX (all while I'm wearing my Bond-esque clothing, of course). But yes, around here it's really XXXXX that takes the cake as far as having a good time at night. Or should I say...takes the pizza (ba dum chh).

By the way, I've never been more jealous of a bunch of guys in my life. Those lucky 7 percent *******s. What's this school called? I'm enrolling right away to get my Bachelor's in Anatomy.

So you working for the summer or just kicking back? Any big plans?


----------



## rymo

*HER:* I appreciate your pizza humor. Pizza makes everything better. I have to admit though, the last time I went into XXXXX for pizza I came away sorely disappointed.

You really shouldn't be jealous of the guys who go to my school. Really. And this is why, if you actually went to YYYYY (my college) that would mean you are A) gay or B) an epic tool. And I really, really hope you are neither of those haha

Ugh, this summer has turned into such a frustration. Right now I"m taking two summer classes four days a week which is such a drag. As for a job I'm currently in the market since the job I thought I was supposed to have ditched me. Its so irritating, last summer I worked at a XXXXX summer camp and it was great and they invited me back for this summer. So I leave school and get home expecting that I'm going to start working at the end of June. NOT SO. I wait and wait for them to call me and they never do, but I'm not really worried its just the end of May, and then I call them at the beginning of June and my supervisor is like, 'Oh, I'm sorry, we're over staffed with our regular yearly staff. Sorry, thats why we didn't call you.' And I just feel like I deserved a courtesy call letting me know I would be unemployed. I mean really.

Oh wow...sorry for that rant. Once I started I just couldn't stop! On the bright side however, it leaves me free and clear for fun stuffs!!...as long as the fun things aren't too expensive haha

How has your summer been besides the awesomeness of your job?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* Jeez...unload much? Why don't you tell it to one of your gay YYYYY friends? 

Just kidding...sorry to hear about your job. But class AND work together is tough, so maybe you will get to have a bit more fun this summer after all 

My own summer has been good so far, though I usually just occupy my time by driving around aimlessly in the convertible blasting One Direction. I get pleasure out of the simple things in life. In other words, I am an epic tool.

Just curious, where did you go for pizza last time in XXXXX? Also, what are you studying? I'm going to guess sparkler waving.

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Driving around aimlessly listening to One Direction? You are about to learn two very important things about me, 1) Although you may have been being sarcastic about listening to one direction, I have a shameful secret...they're a guilty pleasure of mine. Although, I defend it by having been a pre-teen in the 90's thus having an ingrained love for boy bands. See? I can't help it. Its in my genetics. 2) I love going on road trips/driving around endlessly. Really, some of my fondest memories were made that way!

You're an epic tool? Oh noes, I'm sorry to hear that. Luckily I'm used to dealing with your ilk and know how to handle it accordingly 

I went to _PIZZA PLACE_, I actually hadn't been there before and it was my first time and I was not impressed. It was a very disappointing adventure.

Pffft...I don't need to study sparkler waving, I'm already a professional. I'm majoring in XXXXX.

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* Although I MAY have been sarcastic about One Direction? MAY have? Your sarcasm detector is way off...because I was not at ALL being sarcastic about it  Just picture it...80 degrees, sunny and not a cloud in the sky..cruising around with the top down, breeze blowing through your hair...and then BAM: 




Now take the opposite of that feeling and multiply it by 10 and that would express my disappointment in YOUR disappointment with _PIZZA PLACE_. Your not liking the best pizza in the world leads me to believe that you are more of a Domino's or Pizza Hut kinda girl. What say you to these charges?

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Oh man, you may have just described my favorite outings! And I'm very impressed that you're a straight male who can admit to enjoying One Direction. Kudos to you  hehe

I know. Apparently its blasphemous for me not to have enjoyed _PIZZA PLACE_...maybe it was an off night for them? And how DARE you accuse me of enjoying the toxic sludge Domino's and Pizza Hut pass off as pizza! I take offense! Big offense! I don't know how we're going to move past this.

P.S What's your favorite book? This is an important question I realize I have had yet to ask you!

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* I would love to say my favorite book is some highfalutin classic like The Great Gatsby but I am going to stick with something much more barbaric and disgusting: Song of Ice & Fire Series (Game of Thrones). As soon as I saw the first season of the show I had to know what happened next, so I read all 5 books more quickly than I've read any one single book  What's your favorite?

And listen, I know you took offense to the pizza comment, but just so you know you've largely redeemed yourself in my eyes by calling Domino's and Pizza Hut toxic sludge. I mean your taste is still in question for not liking _PIZZA PLACE_, but personally I think I can move on from this bump (or should I say mountain) in our relationship. It's not going to be easy, and I will never forget...but I am mature enough to be able to forgive.

Any adventurous plans for the weekend?

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* While I do enjoy The Great Gatsby, it is one of my favorite books, I am on the fourth book of the Song of Ice and Fire series. I read the first three over my christmas break, per the demands of a friend, and fell in love with them! I had to stop thought at the end of the third one and take a break (hence why I'm on the fourth one now) because _BOOK SPOILERS_

I'm so happy you'll be able to forgive my pizza trespasses, I really appreciate the effort that be for you.

Well I'm currently in XXXXX and have been since Thursday. First I stayed at my friend XXXXX's house on the beach and then I came back to my college campus and have been staying with her in the dorms. My main reason for coming though was for one of my very dear friends son's first birthday party. I've known him since he was in her belly and used to watch him while she was in class. Needless to say I love them both very much and couldn't possibly miss this haha

What about you? Any wild and crazy adventures?

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* _BOOK SPOILERS_

This weekend I went hiking, went to a little party on the beach, hung out at a friend's house watching movies, and just continued to drive around blasting One Direction. I also talked with that friend about going with her to karaoke at some point in the future and actually singing. I've never even been to karaoke before but I figure if I do go I'm going to go all out. I have a deep voice so naturally we both agreed that I will be performing the following: 




What do you think XXXXX? Too manly a song choice for me?

--------------------------------------------------

*HER:* Who am I to judge your manliness? Despite your questionable (and by questionable I mean fantastic) song choices, I'm sure you're the manliest of men. Really. I mean it. Seriously.

Where did you go hiking? I love hiking, I'm a beast going up XXXXX. Admittedly, I'm a little bit of a pansy when it comes to more hardcore hiking adventures.

--------------------------------------------------

*ME:* I hiked on some small local trails in XXXXX near my friend's house. Nothing crazy, except for the fact that apparently someone was murdered in the trails not too long ago. This I found out AFTER we started hiking, of course. I have done the XXXXX, and I am probably almost as much of a beast as you on it (because I am so manly, remember?). By the way, you say you're not into the hardcore hiking adventures, but with all your tattoos and sparkler waving and falling off of chairs I have a feeling you're being modest about your hardcoreness.

So listen...it's been almost 3 weeks since we started chatting (not that I checked or anything), and you're adorable and interesting, so I would love to get to know you more. I am only a stage 4 clinger/creeper so you don't have too much to worry about, but either way, stop being such a pansy 

I sent you my # already, but just in case it's XXX-XXX-XXXX. Text me sometime.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

That's pretty epic.


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## srschirm

Very nice work Rymo. You found a real live wire. She should give you her number at this point.


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## srschirm

Oops you got it already. Good luck tomorrow!


----------



## bsd3355

Me: "Hey, do you like penis?"

Her: "Yes. Why, yes I do."

Me: "Cool"

Take her hand and lead her somewhere cool. The end.


----------



## srschirm

Hadron said:


> never have done anything and never will. I'm not gonna play by the rules of this stupid game. if a girl wants my attention, she'll have to earn it. :roll


Unfortunately you'll probably be waiting a while.


----------



## Owl-99

SFA and have got more chance than if I actually tried


----------



## BobtheBest

Hadron said:


> never have done anything and never will. I'm not gonna play by the rules of this stupid game. if a girl wants my attention, she'll have to earn it. :roll


I'm not playing by this stupid game either, but I'm still getting my way.


----------



## avoidobot3000

Buying a white van and some duct tape.


----------



## Droidsteel

^ Wow Rymo, I can see why your confident enough to approach women, you are super smooth! I'm guessing you had to go through a lot of trial and error to get that well-spoken am I right? Because no one is a natural at anything.


p.s. avoidobot you are awsomes XD


----------



## meeps

bwidger85 said:


> Me: "Hey, do you like penis?"
> 
> Her: "Yes. Why, yes I do."
> 
> Me: "Cool"
> 
> Take her hand and lead her somewhere cool. The end.


..pff XD


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> So because you're too intimidated to approach a girl "going about her day", everyone else should be as well? And wtf is a girl in a coffee shop if not a girl "going about her day"? Everyone is going about their day. There's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a girl walking down the street. What's going to happen if you do? You're going to explode? Die? What?
> 
> Also, OF COURSE you should approach someone you're into. I don't mean random as in ANYONE. I mean see someone you think is attractive and then go for it. Although in another post you tell WintersTale to go for girls he doesn't find attractive, so who the hell knows _what_ you're talking about.
> 
> Finally, when you start your own thread and someone's "whining" and you don't like it, then you can tell them to quit it. Until then, 'dude man just stop. I am so sick of your being a douche.'


Douche? What these people need is a reality check and i am free to post anywhere i want. Its pathetic thats what it is. I wont post here but i just want to say

Your advice is ridicolous. None of these guys are gonna be able to do things like that, its like giving someone a baseball bat and asking them to hit a Rogers Clemens fastball, it dont work like that.

Such stupid advice

1) LOOK AT GIRL
2) APPROACH GIRL
3) ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER

like seriously there are a thousand girls on here who would laugh at that. You arent even doing things like that, you are using online dating.

You have to pick your spots, if she wants you to approach she will let you know otherwise you are just wasting your time. Pick your spots. Go where girls hang out, and you will see many of them giving you the go ahead

Edit October 23, 2013: It was stupid of me to say this. I disagree now, you should act like you feel


----------



## Zeeshan

OldSchoolSkater said:


> I'm going to take this thread in a slightly different direction, as these aren't all things I've done solely for the purpose of getting a girl. However, I didn't allow myself to ever ask a girl out on a date over the last couple years because I didn't have these things lined up so I wasn't able to be confident in myself.
> 
> 1. Gotten a career started. It took 1.5 years of temp work and a year of random other jobs after college but I finally landed a salaried position with benefits. They have a great program for developing employees as well, so I am confident that I can grow within this company if I work hard at it.
> 2. Rented my own apartment. I move in 2 weeks. This was the biggest thing that affected my confidence. I couldn't imagine talking to a girl and explaining to her that I lived at home at 25 (just turned 26). I'm not saying it can't be done, because I know it has and does happen, I just couldn't do it. I had no self worth.
> 3. Made sure I was clean of any "bugs" from previous relationships. I'm not looking for hook ups really, more of a long term thing when I find the right woman, so I wanted to be sure I wasn't bringing anything into it that could cause problems.
> 4. Paying better attention to hygiene. Not that I was a smelly person before or anything, I just follow my shaving routine more often, take showers before bed if I've been out skateboarding or anything, etc. I think about it and am disgusted by how I looked/lived in college at times, although I was no where as bad as some of my roommates or people I knew it still was not on par with what a woman would want out of her partner. Same with my living area, I live at home so I only really have to clean a bathroom and my bedroom, but I try to make sure they are clean and help out with things in the kitchen/rest of the house.
> 5. Confidence. I'm trying this thing where I don't second guess myself as much. I'm a very indecisive person so I am trying to be direct and confident with everything I do. Instead of saying "Sure" I try to say "Yes," as it's a more confident answer. This is something I'm still working on, since I continue to find more and more areas of my life where I put off this "insecure" or "unsure" vibe.
> 6. Cooking. I'm trying to learn how to cook a few new things. I've always been able to cook a handful of things pretty well but never expanded on them. Now that I'm living alone I'll need to cook for myself more often, and evetually (hopefully) for a woman or two.
> 
> I know these aren't quite like what other people in this thread have been doing, but it is what I feel I need to do in order to be in a good position for a relationship.


Plus one good going


----------



## Peter Attis

Hadron said:


> never have done anything and never will. I'm not gonna play by the rules of this stupid game. if a girl wants my attention, she'll have to earn it. :roll


Wow. Let me know how that works out for you.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Douche? What these people need is a reality check and i am free to post anywhere i want. Its pathetic thats what it is. I wont post here but i just want to say
> 
> Your advice is ridicolous. None of these guys are gonna be able to do things like that, its like giving someone a baseball bat and asking them to hit a Rogers Clemens fastball, it dont work like that.
> 
> Such stupid advice
> 
> 1) LOOK AT GIRL
> 2) APPROACH GIRL
> 3) ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER
> 
> like seriously there are a thousand girls on here who would laugh at that. You arent even doing things like that, you are using online dating.
> 
> You have to pick your spots, if she wants you to approach she will let you know otherwise you are just wasting your time. Pick your spots. Go where girls hang out, and you will see many of them giving you the go ahead


My advice may sound ridiculous to you, but it's what has worked for me. I went from barely being able to talk to a girl to being fairly successful with them ALL from approaching girls in real life. I could barely speak to anyone, let alone girls. I was so nervous I was shaking. But I approached. And I approached. And I approached some more. Faced more rejections than you can count. But I overcame all that with hard work. I'm not asking anyone to hit a Roger Clemens. The whole point of this thread is to set small goals for yourself depending on your ability and confidence. Never talked to a girl before? Okay, then step one is to say "Hi.". If hitting that fastball is getting a number, then Hi is the first step towards being able to do that. And if you think there's something wrong with saying hi to a girl then you clearly don't known women.


----------



## Droidsteel

rymo said:


> My advice may sound ridiculous to you, but it's what has worked for me. I went from barely being able to talk to a girl to being fairly successful with them ALL from approaching girls in real life. I could barely speak to anyone, let alone girls. I was so nervous I was shaking. *But I approached. And I approached. And I approached some more. Faced more rejections than you can count. But I overcame all that with hard work.* I'm not asking anyone to hit a Roger Clemens. The whole point of this thread is to set small goals for yourself depending on your ability and confidence. Never talked to a girl before? Okay, then step one is to say "Hi.". If hitting that fastball is getting a number, then Hi is the first step towards being able to do that. And if you think there's something wrong with saying hi to a girl then you clearly don't known women.


I thought so! how long did it take you to meet a girl who wanted to see you again? Was it a number of years or a couple of months or... ?

Im interested to know more about this because it seems to be the only way a lot of us can get anywhere.


----------



## rymo

Droidsteel said:


> I thought so! how long did it take you to meet a girl who wanted to see you again? Was it a number of years or a couple of months or... ?
> 
> Im interested to know more about this because it seems to be the only way a lot of us can get anywhere.


It took me 5-6 weeks of going out to a bar by myself 2-3 times a week and approaching women to meet a girl who eventually became my gf. That was the first girl I ever even kissed. She wasn't anything mind-blowing, but being with her was a great stepping stone for me (in retrospect, of course) and we are still good friends.


----------



## Droidsteel

rymo said:


> It took me 5-6 weeks of going out to a bar by myself 2-3 times a week and approaching women to meet a girl who eventually became my gf. That was the first girl I ever even kissed. She wasn't anything mind-blowing, but being with her was a great stepping stone for me (in retrospect, of course) and we are still good friends.


Thats really cool, only 5-6 weeks :clap Are you above average-looking do you think?


----------



## PaysageDHiver

rymo - how long did you spend composing those messages?


----------



## rymo

Droidsteel said:


> Thats really cool, only 5-6 weeks :clap Are you above average-looking do you think?


So I've been told. But i know that the more i went out the more i kind of transformed in a way. My style improved, my body language improved tremendously, i was smiling more...just everything that can enhance your appearance improved and i really believe that helps a lot. It's not like being decent looking helped AT ALL before when i was super shy and anxious and too afraid to be myself and talk to girls.


----------



## srschirm

Droidsteel said:


> Thats really cool, only 5-6 weeks :clap Are you above average-looking do you think?


It's really possible for anyone who puts some effort into it.


----------



## rymo

PaysageDHiver said:


> rymo - how long did you spend composing those messages?


I would say maybe an average of 7 minutes per messages, and that is pretty arbitrary but it sounds pretty accurate. Though every few messages i would have on that would just flow out of my brain instantly, which i think is just due to having a lot of practice.


----------



## Durzo

Approaching every girl I see and asking for sex  so far I have got 0 deals... but that will not discourage me!


----------



## huh

I finally got around to setting up that small trap outside my apartment door. Now it's just a matter of time before one of them falls in it. Then I'll finally have a girl of my own. Well, that or someone's cat that happened to be roaming the halls.


----------



## Music Man

huh said:


> I finally got around to setting up that small trap outside my apartment door. Now it's just a matter of time before one of them falls in it. Then I'll finally have a girl of my own. Well, that or someone's cat that happened to be roaming the halls.


You could have both!


----------



## hypestyle

...I hope to have some more opportunities later in the summer.. open-air festivals.. maybe a farmer's market.. a film screening.. art exhibits..


----------



## BobtheBest

huh said:


> I finally got around to setting up that small trap outside my apartment door. Now it's just a matter of time before one of them falls in it. Then I'll finally have a girl of my own. Well, that or someone's cat that happened to be roaming the halls.


Setting up a trap door?


----------



## Jollygoggles

Doing nothing to get a girl.

Just focusing entirely on myself, my health, my education and career.


----------



## srschirm

Jollygoggles said:


> Doing nothing to get a girl.
> 
> Just focusing entirely on myself, my health, my education and career.


There's something to be said about this also. Just don't end up using it as a crutch for why you aren't meeting women.


----------



## Droidsteel

srschirm said:


> It's really possible for anyone who puts some effort into it.


Isn't saying 'anyone' a little optimistic? I mean Rymo has said he's above average looking, so presumably for the average or below average it would take longer. Also what about severely disfigured people? I bet they don't have a cat in hell's chance.

I reckon just the vast majority of people can.


----------



## srschirm

Droidsteel said:


> Isn't saying 'anyone' a little optimistic? I mean Rymo has said he's above average looking, so presumably for the average or below average it would take longer. Also what about severely disfigured people? I bet they don't have a cat in hell's chance.
> 
> I reckon just the vast majority of people can.


Even people who aren't conventionally attractive can. May not be as easy but most people can find a companion in life.


----------



## rymo

Droidsteel said:


> Isn't saying 'anyone' a little optimistic? I mean Rymo has said he's above average looking, so presumably for the average or below average it would take longer. Also what about severely disfigured people? I bet they don't have a cat in hell's chance.
> 
> I reckon just the vast majority of people can.


I mean there are soldiers who get their limbs blown off who still get girlfriends, or even that one guy who was born with basically just a torso. So I don't believe the looks thing is all that much of an excuse. If you are disheveled and unhygienic and you have no style and you don't smile or have a positive energy, then those are all things that are really working against you. But those are also things you can change.


----------



## MrQuiet76

The only thing I'm good at that women like is dancing. I can go out there and steal the show on the dance floor at some club (not where the hell that skill came from) but when it comes to the simple act of holding a conversation... I fail miserably :roll

I've tried to dance with girls to initiate something, which usually works. However, nothing ever happens beyond that. Not really sure what to try next.


----------



## Fenren

I joined PlentyOfFish again, messages ignored and inbox still empty but I still have hope! :um


----------



## Nipple

I'm saving for extensive plastic surgeries


----------



## jdcowboy

The other night while waiting for the train, I saw a girl who's really cute and decided to talk to her. There were not many people around us, and I approached her and sit on the same bench with her. I struggled for a few minutes before I could think of something to talk to her.

After sorting through a series of thoughts, I finally decided to ask her what's the time. It sounds simple and silly, but I was nervous as hell, and I could hear my heart beating...

But I had to do it. I'd been hiding and escaping and procrastinating and living in fear for so long, I couldn't bear with that kind of miserable life any more. So I put my cell phone in my pocket, and asked her about the time. 

She's a little surprised, but then she smiled and told me that the watch she's wearing wasn't working, and she had to pull out her cellphone from her purse to check out the time. Then she told me the time. Not knowing how to keep the conversation going, I then asked her if she knew when the next train was coming. She told me that too. By now I'd run out of topics (how pathetic...I know, I know...), and simply kept smiling and told her "That's great.". I even forgot to thank her. 

Then the train came. Our brief encounter ended. I still didn't have the courage to ask for a phone number, I always thought it would be rather awkward and random for me to ask a girl's number when I barely knew her. But what do I know? I had little experience in dating, and my self-esteem has been low for a long time, which might have affected my judgement...

Thanks to anyone who has finished reading my experience. Any encouragement and thoughts are highly welcome.


----------



## rymo

jdcowboy said:


> The other night while waiting for the train, I saw a girl who's really cute and decided to talk to her. There were not many people around us, and I approached her and sit on the same bench with her. I struggled for a few minutes before I could think of something to talk to her.
> 
> After sorting through a series of thoughts, I finally decided to ask her what's the time. It sounds simple and silly, but I was nervous as hell, and I could hear my heart beating...
> 
> But I had to do it. I'd been hiding and escaping and procrastinating and living in fear for so long, I couldn't bear with that kind of miserable life any more. So I put my cell phone in my pocket, and asked her about the time.
> 
> She's a little surprised, but then she smiled and told me that the watch she's wearing wasn't working, and she had to pull out her cellphone from her purse to check out the time. Then she told me the time. Not knowing how to keep the conversation going, I then asked her if she knew when the next train was coming. She told me that too. By now I'd run out of topics (how pathetic...I know, I know...), and simply kept smiling and told her "That's great.". I even forgot to thank her.
> 
> Then the train came. Our brief encounter ended. I still didn't have the courage to ask for a phone number, I always thought it would be rather awkward and random for me to ask a girl's number when I barely knew her. But what do I know? I had little experience in dating, and my self-esteem has been low for a long time, which might have affected my judgement...
> 
> Thanks to anyone who has finished reading my experience. Any encouragement and thoughts are highly welcome.


This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Pushing past your current fears and just going for it. You did amazingly well. It's a seemingly small hurdle in a general sense but for your personal situation just asking what the time is was an anxiety-filled experience. But now, next time you do it, it will be that much easier because you know nothing bad is going to happen. Congrats!

By the way, it's a good thing you didn't ask for her number. Going for that after just asking for the time would likely not have worked. This is obviously not the stage you are at yet, but just to give you an idea, here is a little example of how the interaction might go if you end up with her number:

You: hey there! Do you know when the train stops at [previous stop]?

Her: ummm...

You: I'm kidding, I just thought you were cute and I had to talk to you. My name is [name]. *extend hand for handshake*

Her: hi..I'm [name] *shakes hand/smiles*

You: Where are you headed? I'm going to guess [destination] 
(based on your observations about her. Can be funny or ironic...for example if she is wearing goth clothes guessing that she is going to the library.)

Her: haha...no I'm going to a job interview

You: Oh? (you can go in so many ways on this one...to be a bit sarcastic/cocky for example: "McDonald's?" Basically you want to find the right mix of sarcasm/humor/niceness in the interaction. If you are too nice and every time she says something you're like "Wow! That's great!" and you just ask her interview-like questions, the interaction is going to be boring for her (and you). If you mix it up with sarcasm and witty observations and stories then you are pretty much golden. Most of all though, whatever you say, say it with pride. Give off the air of confidence by not second-guessing yourself when you say something. This is attractive).

Her: McDonald's? haha..no, [law firm] actually

You: You're a lawyer? My uncle is a lawyer...bla bla bla...

-------------------

(so on and so forth, but the interaction doesn't have to last forever. You can ask for her number within the first few minutes if she is smiling and seems to be having a good time. You should be smiling as well, or else you will not be projecting a friendly, confident vibe. I don't mean sitting there like the joker with a fake smile plastered across your face, but give off that warm vibe by listening to what she says and smiling when appropriate)

--------------------

You: So listen, you're adorable, and surprisingly cool, so I'm going to get your number and I'll text you sometime. *whip out phone and type in the number that she gives you*


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Pushing past your current fears and just going for it. You did amazingly well. It's a seemingly small hurdle in a general sense but for your personal situation just asking what the time is was an anxiety-filled experience. But now, next time you do it, it will be that much easier because you know nothing bad is going to happen. Congrats!
> 
> By the way, it's a good thing you didn't ask for her number. Going for that after just asking for the time would likely not have worked. This is obviously not the stage you are at yet, but just to give you an idea, here is a little example of how the interaction might go if you end up with her number:
> 
> You: hey there! Do you know when the train stops at [previous stop]?
> 
> Her: ummm...
> 
> You: I'm kidding, I just thought you were cute and I had to talk to you. My name is [name]. *extend hand for handshake*
> 
> Her: hi..I'm [name] *shakes hand/smiles*
> 
> You: Where are you headed? I'm going to guess [destination]
> (based on your observations about her. Can be funny or ironic...for example if she is wearing goth clothes guessing that she is going to the library.)
> 
> Her: haha...no I'm going to a job interview
> 
> You: Oh? (you can go in so many ways on this one...to be a bit sarcastic/cocky for example: "McDonald's?" Basically you want to find the right mix of sarcasm/humor/niceness in the interaction. If you are too nice and every time she says something you're like "Wow! That's great!" and you just ask her interview-like questions, the interaction is going to be boring for her (and you). If you mix it up with sarcasm and witty observations and stories then you are pretty much golden. Most of all though, whatever you say, say it with pride. Give off the air of confidence by not second-guessing yourself when you say something. This is attractive).
> 
> Her: McDonald's? haha..no, [law firm] actually
> 
> You: You're a lawyer? My uncle is a lawyer...bla bla bla...
> 
> -------------------
> 
> (so on and so forth, but the interaction doesn't have to last forever. You can ask for her number within the first few minutes if she is smiling and seems to be having a good time. You should be smiling as well, or else you will not be projecting a friendly, confident vibe. I don't mean sitting there like the joker with a fake smile plastered across your face, but give off that warm vibe by listening to what she says and smiling when appropriate)
> 
> --------------------
> 
> You: So listen, you're adorable, and surprisingly cool, so I'm going to get your number and I'll text you sometime. *whip out phone and type in the number that she gives you*


I agree, what he did was a good start. What about your date with the OKC girl?


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> I agree, what he did was a good start. What about your date with the OKC girl?


Let's just say she wasn't as pretty as she appeared in her pictures...

I still tried to make the best out of the date and just to see if I could make it happen I ended up making out with her, but I have no interest in pursuing things further with her.

I've definitely gotten to a point where I'm bored of pursuing girls just to date casually and hook up. I think I'm starting to get ready for something more meaningful. The problem with online dating, though, is exactly what happened in this situation. Sometimes they just don't live up to their pictures, or they're weird, or whatever. I'm definitely going to start doing more real-life approaches. If I find a girl who is my ideal physically, that's half the battle. Then I can get a sense of their personality within a few minutes. It's much more time-efficient and there are so many more options in real life than online.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Let's just say she wasn't as pretty as she appeared in her pictures...
> 
> I still tried to make the best out of the date and just to see if I could make it happen I ended up making out with her, but I have no interest in pursuing things further with her.
> 
> I've definitely gotten to a point where I'm bored of pursuing girls just to date casually and hook up. I think I'm starting to get ready for something more meaningful. The problem with online dating, though, is exactly what happened in this situation. Sometimes they just don't live up to their pictures, or they're weird, or whatever. I'm definitely going to start doing more real-life approaches. If I find a girl who is my ideal physically, that's half the battle. Then I can get a sense of their personality within a few minutes. It's much more time-efficient and there are so many more options in real life than online.


Ah, I see....and yeah I know what you mean. It's also time for me to do the in-person approach. For the reasons you stated. I'm sorry your date wasn't as advertized.


----------



## jdcowboy

rymo said:


> This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Pushing past your current fears and just going for it. You did amazingly well. It's a seemingly small hurdle in a general sense but for your personal situation just asking what the time is was an anxiety-filled experience. But now, next time you do it, it will be that much easier because you know nothing bad is going to happen. Congrats!
> 
> By the way, it's a good thing you didn't ask for her number. Going for that after just asking for the time would likely not have worked. This is obviously not the stage you are at yet, but just to give you an idea, here is a little example of how the interaction might go if you end up with her number:
> 
> You: hey there! Do you know when the train stops at [previous stop]?
> 
> Her: ummm...
> 
> You: I'm kidding, I just thought you were cute and I had to talk to you. My name is [name]. *extend hand for handshake*
> 
> Her: hi..I'm [name] *shakes hand/smiles*
> 
> You: Where are you headed? I'm going to guess [destination]
> (based on your observations about her. Can be funny or ironic...for example if she is wearing goth clothes guessing that she is going to the library.)
> 
> Her: haha...no I'm going to a job interview
> 
> You: Oh? (you can go in so many ways on this one...to be a bit sarcastic/cocky for example: "McDonald's?" Basically you want to find the right mix of sarcasm/humor/niceness in the interaction. If you are too nice and every time she says something you're like "Wow! That's great!" and you just ask her interview-like questions, the interaction is going to be boring for her (and you). If you mix it up with sarcasm and witty observations and stories then you are pretty much golden. Most of all though, whatever you say, say it with pride. Give off the air of confidence by not second-guessing yourself when you say something. This is attractive).
> 
> Her: McDonald's? haha..no, [law firm] actually
> 
> You: You're a lawyer? My uncle is a lawyer...bla bla bla...
> 
> -------------------
> 
> (so on and so forth, but the interaction doesn't have to last forever. You can ask for her number within the first few minutes if she is smiling and seems to be having a good time. You should be smiling as well, or else you will not be projecting a friendly, confident vibe. I don't mean sitting there like the joker with a fake smile plastered across your face, but give off that warm vibe by listening to what she says and smiling when appropriate)
> 
> --------------------
> 
> You: So listen, you're adorable, and surprisingly cool, so I'm going to get your number and I'll text you sometime. *whip out phone and type in the number that she gives you*


Wow, I didn't expect such a long reply. Thanks for the advice. It's definitely a confidence boost to me!

I especially like the following 2 pieces of advice:

1. 
Don't be too nice and agree with everything she says to me.

All my life I have always been too nice to people (male or female). I agree with everything they say, and rarely voice my own opinions when I actually know better. When people need advice or help, I am always eager to give as much as I can. When I talk to people, I always smile. But I have made very few friends, who don't seem to have many friend either. I think I come off fake and boring, though I think I am a good guy, and really want to help and make friend with people. This frustrates me a lot, and makes me distance myself from the outside world.

I guess it all comes from my fear that a disagreement will possibly lead to an argument, a conflict, a battle, which I seem to have been avoiding at all costs all my life. My belief is that I will not win (I did fail many times), and even if I win, it seems pointless to me. It sounds like I've long lost that passion for life. I think I need to change my belief system. I need to get that fighting spirit which I never remember ever having. I need to be myself, be comfortable in my own skin, and embrace challenges as they arise.

2.
"Most of all though, whatever you say, say it with pride. Give off the air of confidence by not second-guessing yourself when you say something. This is attractive)."

This is the "vibe" thing I think is extremely important. It's magical if you know how it works. I had a few little successes when my "vibe" was right. This usually happens after I work out and sweat a lot. It feels like I have got rid of the negative stuff inside myself.

I need to go out more, instead of sitting in front of a computer screen all day long. And that, is exactly the hard part. When I am in my room, I feel safe and comfortable, but when I go out, I constantly have this (false) illusion that I will be attacked at any moment. I become nervous and anxious, I want to escape and avoid something.

Sometimes I think I just think too much. I am paralyzed by my own terrifying thoughts.

This has to stop.


----------



## rymo

jdcowboy said:


> Wow, I didn't expect such a long reply. Thanks for the advice. It's definitely a confidence boost to me!
> 
> I especially like the following 2 pieces of advice:
> 
> 1.
> Don't be too nice and agree with everything she says to me.
> 
> All my life I have always been too nice to people (male or female). I agree with everything they say, and rarely voice my own opinions when I actually know better. When people need advice or help, I am always eager to give as much as I can. When I talk to people, I always smile. But I have made very few friends, who don't seem to have many friend either. I think I come off fake and boring, though I think I am a good guy, and really want to help and make friend with people. This frustrates me a lot, and makes me distance myself from the outside world.
> 
> I guess it all comes from my fear that a disagreement will possibly lead to an argument, a conflict, a battle, which I seem to have been avoiding at all costs all my life. My belief is that I will not win (I did fail many times), and even if I win, it seems pointless to me. It sounds like I've long lost that passion for life. I think I need to change my belief system. I need to get that fighting spirit which I never remember ever having. I need to be myself, be comfortable in my own skin, and embrace challenges as they arise.
> 
> 2.
> "Most of all though, whatever you say, say it with pride. Give off the air of confidence by not second-guessing yourself when you say something. This is attractive)."
> 
> This is the "vibe" thing I think is extremely important. It's magical if you know how it works. I had a few little successes when my "vibe" was right. This usually happens after I work out and sweat a lot. It feels like I have got rid of the negative stuff inside myself.
> 
> I need to go out more, instead of sitting in front of a computer screen all day long. And that, is exactly the hard part. When I am in my room, I feel safe and comfortable, but when I go out, I constantly have this (false) illusion that I will be attacked at any moment. I become nervous and anxious, I want to escape and avoid something.
> 
> Sometimes I think I just think too much. I am paralyzed by my own terrifying thoughts.
> 
> This has to stop.


Oh em gee man...this is awesome. It makes me so happy when someone has this attitude. I am 100% sure if you maintain this attitude and try and try and try again you WILL succeed. Enjoy


----------



## Zeeshan

AceOfSpades said:


> I joined PlentyOfFish again, messages ignored and inbox still empty but I still have hope! :um


I actually have a coffee date with a girl i met of POF today. I dont know about this one, for one things she is 31, i thought she was a bit younger, but checked her profile again.

I am not nervous about this as i just dont care about her, plus i have to drive an hour just to meet her. Still POF is not all bad.

I think that after being on there only through my mobile phone for a bit, there is a strategy to be followed if you want to get dates through POF or OKCUPID.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I actually have a coffee date with a girl i met of POF today. I dont know about this one, for one things she is 31, i thought she was a bit younger, but checked her profile again.
> 
> I am not nervous about this as i just dont care about her, plus i have to drive an hour just to meet her. Still POF is not all bad.
> 
> I think that after being on there only through my mobile phone for a bit, there is a strategy to be followed if you want to get dates through POF or OKCUPID.


Anyways just thought id update on my date

It was awful

Her profile said she was thin, she was not thin. Not even bubbly in a good way. Also her pic was probably more then a few years older


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Anyways just thought id update on my date
> 
> It was awful
> 
> Her profile said she was thin, she was not thin. Not even bubbly in a good way. Also her pic was probably more then a few years older


Hehe..hey man, it's happened to me twice now. That's one of the downsides of online dating, no doubt. Nothing wrong with just trying to have a good time with that person though, just hanging out and having some fun for a few hours.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Hehe..hey man, it's happened to me twice now. That's one of the downsides of online dating, no doubt. Nothing wrong with just trying to have a good time with that person though, just hanging out and having some fun for a few hours.


actually i did have a very good time. I started to look for ways to offend her. but nothing would take. 
Do you get a lot of responses to your messages, got any tips. I look at some of these girls and im like why wouldnt she respond to my message, know what i mean

Like i feel like if these girls were in my life real life, they wouldnt turn me down. For some reason though, its hard to get girls to respond to hi how are you?

I gotta get some decent picks of me


----------



## huh

Nothing fell in my trap yet, but I'm supposed to be going on a date this Friday. I'm honestly not sure what to make of her yet so it's going to be really interesting to meet her. I predict much fail in the not so distant future.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> Nothing fell in my trap yet, but I'm supposed to be going on a date this Friday. I'm honestly not sure what to make of her yet so it's going to be really interesting to meet her. I predict much fail in the not so distant future.


lol

well you do become what you think about
Earl Nightingale


----------



## huh

Zeeshan said:


> lol
> 
> well you do become what you think about
> Earl Nightingale


I hope not, I have some pretty off-beat thoughts.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> I hope not, I have some pretty off-beat thoughts.


i think its meant as a long term thing

like the seeds you sew is the harvest you reap

I agree though, its pretty difficult to change ones thought patterns. One has to take actions and get new experience to get new thoughts


----------



## huh

On a more interesting note, I managed to have a conversation with someone on OkCupid about armpit hair and bowel movements at nursing homes. Apparently they thought the conversation was repulsive. Go figure.


----------



## Noca

As of right now... Nothing. I might get farther doing nothing than if I actually try lol


----------



## ManOfFewWords

I went to the mall today with the intention of overcoming my approach anxiety. My goal was to go up to an attractive girl and talk to her. This has never been a problem for me at parties where I'm introduced to girls by mutual friends, but I've never quite tried it with random strangers in crowded public places. I had to really psyche myself into doing this and fight against every ounce of anxiety that was telling me not to do it. So as I was walking towards the mall entrance there was a cute girl walking in my direction. As she passed by I said, "excuse me". She completely ignored me, so I thought she probably didn't hear me. So I said it again, but this time much louder. She continued to walk past me without acknowledging my presence. I thought okay, forget this one as she kept walking down the sidewalk. I opened the door, went inside and I heard her say in a confused tone, "What?" as if she just realized I was talking to her.

I browsed through different sections looking at clothes and thought, why am I pretending to shop? Get out there! So I headed towards the inner part of the mall. I didn't see any girls worth approaching since a lot of them were with friends, family and were underage. I walked all the way to the food court and used the bathroom. Feeling somewhat defeated, I walked out of the bathroom with a sense of determination. As I walked through the mall there was a really cute girl working at one of those cosmetic kiosks. She smiled at me as I was getting near her. Before she could say anything, I turned to her and said with a smile, "I just want to say, you look absolutely adorable." I stuck out my hand and told her my name. She smiled back, told me hers and we shook hands. She asked me if I use any skin products. I told her one that I've been using for my face and she was like, "you're the first guy today that's admitted that." She brought me over to her kiosk and told me to show her my wrist. She rubbed some cream on my arm and these balls of dirt started peeling off my skin. I asked her, "what is that sh.t?" She told me they were dead skin cells and said to feel my arm. I told her, "now it feels really soft.." and at the exact same time we both said, "like a baby's butt." We laughed and then she said, "like my butt." Hmmm

She told me how much the products cost and said, "they're really expensive" but went on to tell me the benefits of using them. I told her, "I just came here because I thought you were really cute and wanted to get to know you more. I asked her where she was from. She talked about how she was born in Israel and moved to Montreal then came to Cali to start her business. I told her how that was really awesome and how I think it's cool that she's a self starter. As she spoke more about herself I interrupted her and said, "You have a really sexy smile." She cracked and then told me that I have beautiful green eyes. Keeping the conversation going, I told her that the skin product I was using wasn't doing a very good job (it isn't). She told me that she sells a lot of the ones she was showing me and asked me to guess how many. I guessed a really low amount jokingly, and she told me she sells 55 a day. I teased her and told her she was lying. There was another customer she helped nearby (this black dude with his mom) who got the same stuff, so I asked him what he thinks about it. He said it's effective and uses it all the time. Since I was basically in the market for a new acne treatment product, I decided what the hell. But before telling her I was thinking about it, she offered to sell it to me at her employee discount. It was reasonable enough, so I said okay.

Unsure whether a lot of her charm was genuinely directed at me or just a sales tactic, I made sure to get her number. I said, "listen, give me your number and I'll tell you how it works out for me." She couldn't remember it, so she took her phone out and asked me to put mine in (surefire way of not getting a fake #, guys). I called my phone from hers and once mine rang, I answered it as if she was calling me. I said, "Hello?" and she laughed. When she ended the call on her phone, I told her, "She hung up. I guess she doesn't want to talk to me." She laughed some more. She asked what my name was again. I told her Laron. As I was typing in her name I slowly said, "Ana...the cute...facewash...salesperson." She laughed and said, "I'm not a salesperson." I told her, "You just sold me this product, that makes you a salesperson." Right as I was about to leave, she came over and gave me a tight hug. She said if I come back to see her where she usually works which was a different kiosk than the one she was at. I told her, "Alright I'll hit you up sometime." She put her hand up to give me a high five. When I highfived her back, she gripped my hand and held it for a few seconds. I turned, walked away and said, "Later".

It didn't occur to me until right after the fact that I should have asked her when she was getting off work and if she wanted to hang out afterwards. So, after I left the mall, I texted her. Here's what happened:



















So, that's that. However, I really feel proud of what I did today. I could have easily not talked to any girls and left the mall feeling like a wuss. The amount of confidence I gained from talking to that girl was so worth it. Who knows, maybe she'll hit me back up someday. I'm not sweating it though. Now I just want to approach more and more girls.


----------



## rymo

ManOfFewWords said:


> I went to the mall today with the intention of overcoming my approach anxiety. My goal was to go up to an attractive girl and talk to her. This has never been a problem for me at parties where I'm introduced to girls by mutual friends, but I've never quite tried it with random strangers in crowded public places. I had to really psyche myself into doing this and fight against every ounce of anxiety that was telling me not to do it. So as I was walking towards the mall entrance there was a cute girl walking in my direction. As she passed by I said, "excuse me". She completely ignored me, so I thought she probably didn't hear me. So I said it again, but this time much louder. She continued to walk past me without acknowledging my presence. I thought okay, forget this one as she kept walking down the sidewalk. I opened the door, went inside and I heard her say in a confused tone, "What?" as if she just realized I was talking to her.
> 
> I browsed through different sections looking at clothes and thought, why am I pretending to shop? Get out there! So I headed towards the inner part of the mall. I didn't see any girls worth approaching since a lot of them were with friends, family and were underage. I walked all the way to the food court and used the bathroom. Feeling somewhat defeated, I walked out of the bathroom with a sense of determination. As I walked through the mall there was a really cute girl working at one of those cosmetic kiosks. She smiled at me as I was getting near her. Before she could say anything, I turned to her and said with a smile, "I just want to say, you look absolutely adorable." I stuck out my hand and told her my name. She smiled back, told me hers and we shook hands. She asked me if I use any skin products. I told her one that I've been using for my face and she was like, "you're the first guy today that's admitted that." She brought me over to her kiosk and told me to show her my wrist. She rubbed some cream on my arm and these balls of dirt started peeling off my skin. I asked her, "what is that sh.t?" She told me they were dead skin cells and said to feel my arm. I told her, "now it feels really soft.." and at the exact same time we both said, "like a baby's butt." We laughed and then she said, "like my butt." Hmmm
> 
> She told me how much the products cost and said, "they're really expensive" but went on to tell me the benefits of using them. I told her, "I just came here because I thought you were really cute and wanted to get to know you more. I asked her where she was from. She talked about how she was born in Israel and moved to Montreal then came to Cali to start her business. I told her how that was really awesome and how I think it's cool that she's a self starter. As she spoke more about herself I interrupted her and said, "You have a really sexy smile." She cracked and then told me that I have beautiful green eyes. Keeping the conversation going, I told her that the skin product I was using wasn't doing a very good job (it isn't). She told me that she sells a lot of the ones she was showing me and asked me to guess how many. I guessed a really low amount jokingly, and she told me she sells 55 a day. I teased her and told her she was lying. There was another customer she helped nearby (this black dude with his mom) who got the same stuff, so I asked him what he thinks about it. He said it's effective and uses it all the time. Since I was basically in the market for a new acne treatment product, I decided what the hell. But before telling her I was thinking about it, she offered to sell it to me at her employee discount. It was reasonable enough, so I said okay.
> 
> Unsure whether a lot of her charm was genuinely directed at me or just a sales tactic, I made sure to get her number. I said, "listen, give me your number and I'll tell you how it works out for me. She couldn't remember it, so she took her phone out and asked me to put mine in (surefire way of not getting a fake #, guys). I called my phone from hers and once mine rang, I answered it as if she was calling me. I said, "Hello?" and she laughed. When she ended the call on her phone, I told her, "She hung up. I guess she doesn't want to talk to me." She laughed some more. She asked what my name was again. As I was typing in her name I slowly said, "Ana...the cute...facewash...salesperson." She laugh and said, "I'm not a salesperson." I told her, "You just sold me this product, that makes you a salesperson." Right as I was about to leave, she came over and gave me a tight hug. She said if I come back to see her where she usually works which was a different kiosk than the one she was at. I told her, "Alright I'll hit you up sometime." She put her hand up to give me a high five. When I highfived her back, she gripped my hand and held it for a few seconds. I turned, walked away and said, "Later".
> 
> It didn't occur to me until right after the fact that I should have asked her when she was getting off work and if she wanted to hang out afterwards. So, after I left the mall, I texted her. Here's what happened:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So, that's that. However, I really feel proud of what I did today. I could have easily not talked to any girls and left the mall feeling like a wuss. The amount of confidence I gained from talking to that girl was so worth it. Who knows, maybe she'll hit me back up someday. I'm not sweating it though. Now I just want to approach more and more girls.


Amaaaaazing. Smooth. Great job! Even after feeling defeated you still made it work, and that just goes to show you should never give up. Even if that saleswoman didn't respond positively to you, the next girl could have. Just gotta keep trying. Anyways, awesome job man!

Only thing I can say is you shouldn't have bought the skin product lol. Not that that would have changed anything but I mean cmawn man, cmawn


----------



## jdcowboy

ManOfFewWords said:


> I went to the mall today with the intention of overcoming my approach anxiety. My goal was to go up to an attractive girl and talk to her. This has never been a problem for me at parties where I'm introduced to girls by mutual friends, but I've never quite tried it with random strangers in crowded public places. I had to really psyche myself into doing this and fight against every ounce of anxiety that was telling me not to do it. So as I was walking towards the mall entrance there was a cute girl walking in my direction. As she passed by I said, "excuse me". She completely ignored me, so I thought she probably didn't hear me. So I said it again, but this time much louder. She continued to walk past me without acknowledging my presence. I thought okay, forget this one as she kept walking down the sidewalk. I opened the door, went inside and I heard her say in a confused tone, "What?" as if she just realized I was talking to her.
> 
> I browsed through different sections looking at clothes and thought, why am I pretending to shop? Get out there! So I headed towards the inner part of the mall. I didn't see any girls worth approaching since a lot of them were with friends, family and were underage. I walked all the way to the food court and used the bathroom. Feeling somewhat defeated, I walked out of the bathroom with a sense of determination. As I walked through the mall there was a really cute girl working at one of those cosmetic kiosks. She smiled at me as I was getting near her. Before she could say anything, I turned to her and said with a smile, "I just want to say, you look absolutely adorable." I stuck out my hand and told her my name. She smiled back, told me hers and we shook hands. She asked me if I use any skin products. I told her one that I've been using for my face and she was like, "you're the first guy today that's admitted that." She brought me over to her kiosk and told me to show her my wrist. She rubbed some cream on my arm and these balls of dirt started peeling off my skin. I asked her, "what is that sh.t?" She told me they were dead skin cells and said to feel my arm. I told her, "now it feels really soft.." and at the exact same time we both said, "like a baby's butt." We laughed and then she said, "like my butt." Hmmm
> 
> She told me how much the products cost and said, "they're really expensive" but went on to tell me the benefits of using them. I told her, "I just came here because I thought you were really cute and wanted to get to know you more. I asked her where she was from. She talked about how she was born in Israel and moved to Montreal then came to Cali to start her business. I told her how that was really awesome and how I think it's cool that she's a self starter. As she spoke more about herself I interrupted her and said, "You have a really sexy smile." She cracked and then told me that I have beautiful green eyes. Keeping the conversation going, I told her that the skin product I was using wasn't doing a very good job (it isn't). She told me that she sells a lot of the ones she was showing me and asked me to guess how many. I guessed a really low amount jokingly, and she told me she sells 55 a day. I teased her and told her she was lying. There was another customer she helped nearby (this black dude with his mom) who got the same stuff, so I asked him what he thinks about it. He said it's effective and uses it all the time. Since I was basically in the market for a new acne treatment product, I decided what the hell. But before telling her I was thinking about it, she offered to sell it to me at her employee discount. It was reasonable enough, so I said okay.
> 
> Unsure whether a lot of her charm was genuinely directed at me or just a sales tactic, I made sure to get her number. I said, "listen, give me your number and I'll tell you how it works out for me." She couldn't remember it, so she took her phone out and asked me to put mine in (surefire way of not getting a fake #, guys). I called my phone from hers and once mine rang, I answered it as if she was calling me. I said, "Hello?" and she laughed. When she ended the call on her phone, I told her, "She hung up. I guess she doesn't want to talk to me." She laughed some more. She asked what my name was again. I told her Laron. As I was typing in her name I slowly said, "Ana...the cute...facewash...salesperson." She laughed and said, "I'm not a salesperson." I told her, "You just sold me this product, that makes you a salesperson." Right as I was about to leave, she came over and gave me a tight hug. She said if I come back to see her where she usually works which was a different kiosk than the one she was at. I told her, "Alright I'll hit you up sometime." She put her hand up to give me a high five. When I highfived her back, she gripped my hand and held it for a few seconds. I turned, walked away and said, "Later".
> 
> It didn't occur to me until right after the fact that I should have asked her when she was getting off work and if she wanted to hang out afterwards. So, after I left the mall, I texted her. Here's what happened:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So, that's that. However, I really feel proud of what I did today. I could have easily not talked to any girls and left the mall feeling like a wuss. The amount of confidence I gained from talking to that girl was so worth it. Who knows, maybe she'll hit me back up someday. I'm not sweating it though. Now I just want to approach more and more girls.


Bravo! You are the man. Thanks for sharing your experience, the first half of which so accurately depicts what I went through before, but I never summoned the courage to do what you did next. You did a fantastic job despite your anxiety. Could you share a little bit more about how you found the courage after using the bathroom? Did you wash your face or something? Thanks.


----------



## asdf

growing a set


----------



## MachineSupremacist

Nothing. Nothing at all. I've simply given up.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

rymo said:


> Amaaaaazing. Smooth. Great job! Even after feeling defeated you still made it work, and that just goes to show you should never give up. Even if that saleswoman didn't respond positively to you, the next girl could have. Just gotta keep trying. Anyways, awesome job man!
> 
> Only thing I can say is you shouldn't have bought the skin product lol. Not that that would have changed anything but I mean cmawn man, cmawn


It's hard to overcome that initial phase of self doubt. The more successes with women, the less indecisive I am... I should keep my credit/debit cards at home when I'm out picking up girls and just bring a small amount of cash with me. I must control my reckless spending. Lesson learned.



jdcowboy said:


> Bravo! You are the man. Thanks for sharing your experience, the first half of which so accurately depicts what I went through before, but I never summoned the courage to do what you did next. You did a fantastic job despite your anxiety. Could you share a little bit more about how you found the courage after using the bathroom? Did you wash your face or something? Thanks.


I was telling myself to just walk up to a girl and say something, anything. Stop worrying about having to have a perfect conversation. No matter how bad I come across, it will build my inner confidence. No one's paying attention to me. Just go and do it.


----------



## WalkingDisaster

I don't know how to meet girls at all. Most people meet the opposite sex through general socialising, meeting friends of friends, etc. My friends are all shut-ins who play video games all day and don't go out, so I'm kind of forced to be like that too as I have no-one to go out and socialise with.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

WalkingDisaster said:


> I don't know how to meet girls at all. Most people meet the opposite sex through general socialising, meeting friends of friends, etc. My friends are all shut-ins who play video games all day and don't go out, so I'm kind of forced to be like that too as I have no-one to go out and socialise with.


http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/pick-up-resources-190114/

If you can't find anybody like-minded to help you, you will need knowledge, drive and a willingness to make a fool of yourself.


----------



## rgrwng

i am waiting for them to make a move onto me. i am not into wasting my time anymore.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Easy.

Open porn link, watch video. Masturbate.

Voila.


----------



## Gibran

I am always very straightforward, very honest, and very nice. It took me many years to understand the difference between being "strong" nice and being "weak" nice. Being straightforward with girls allowed me to ask a lot of questions and get their perspective on issues that normally confound us men. Turns out, girls really do like nice guys. You just have to moderate it and be strong about being nice, as opposed to submissive puppy-dog nice. It was frustrating at first, because I am/was naturally weak nice. Once I matured a bit, I naturally became strong nice and girls find it very refreshing when they meet a guy who's nice and still goes for what he wants.


----------



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Courtin'


----------



## lyric

I want a gf, but chicks don't dig me. Back to men, I guess.


----------



## WalkingDisaster

I found what seems like a good website (haven't had the chance to test out the techniques, but it seems very logical) for guys who struggle to attract girls. There's no PUA bull****, it's written by a woman, and it makes a lot of sense:

http://dating-wtf.com/being-unsafe-without-even-knowing-it-plus-a-safeunsafe-chart/

This is one specific page of it which I found interesting, it has a chart of desirable and undesirable features girls see in a guy. The other stuff's good too, and I recommend reading all of the posts in order.


----------



## Zeeshan

asdf said:


> growing a set


if u succeed will you tell me how?


----------



## Luka92

Nothing. I'm not interested in dating and relationships.


----------



## rymo

WalkingDisaster said:


> I found what seems like a good website (haven't had the chance to test out the techniques, but it seems very logical) for guys who struggle to attract girls. There's no PUA bull****, it's written by a woman, and it makes a lot of sense:
> 
> http://dating-wtf.com/being-unsafe-without-even-knowing-it-plus-a-safeunsafe-chart/
> 
> This is one specific page of it which I found interesting, it has a chart of desirable and undesirable features girls see in a guy. The other stuff's good too, and I recommend reading all of the posts in order.


Great site, really well-written and some very interesting and useful articles. Thanks! I'll put it up on the first post.


----------



## AwkBoy

The only thing I can do, meditate on it and hope it manifests in my reality.


----------



## DubnRun

Nothing since I have no idea how to, and theres no where to go to get one. Life story


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

Nothing yet, as I'm not at that stage yet. I'm still at the stage of getting more comfortable around people in general. Trying to "get a girl" atm would be foolish for me IMO.


----------



## Bryan108

bk said:


> I went out on a date with an attractive blond nurse tonight. I really think things went well. I really hope things went well enough that she will go out with me again. I've never been on a second date before.


Good luck! where did you meet her?


----------



## LittleBearBrah

I find this thread very inspirational.


----------



## Markula

its my friends birthday on friday and where going out. maybe i can use my "im working on my PHD... plowed hammered drunk" if i talk to a female. but i probly wont cause i have no confidence. but who knows ima try getting drunk, theres a dd. ive tried the walk up to random girl and start talking to her, but i cant get past just thinking about it part. and yeah i know the worst that can happen is ill get a no, but its just so stressfull. it sucks when your friends girl friends dont have any girl friends.


----------



## pete24

The problem with SA:

Shyness, so hard to meet people.
Many people with SA dont have any friends (myself included) so its even harder to go out by yourself without looking like a "saddo" when looking for a relationship.


For people with SA with the above problems, maybe the only way to meet women to have a relationship with, is to go out to clubs and get drunk so you have confidence and can easily do it. But.... I think as I put in another post, unless your lucky and meet a girl whos out as a 1 of (friends birthday, or hen party for example) you do run the risk of pulling a girl who is the "go out and get wasted every weekend" type. Far from relationship material and chances are, she will be flirting with guys all the time or she would of slept around too much and be insecure.

Dating online is the best way for someone with SA, as they get to know the person and maybe even trust/feel comfortable with them before they meet in person. Still even when meeting in person for the first time it can be nerve racking. Get to the meeting place before them and have 1 or 2 drinks to ease the nerves. 

It wont be easy at all, can in fact take months to feel at ease with them after meeting in person. I know in my last relationship, even after we were officially together I just was totally nervous still for about 3 of 4 months after. Took that long to finally feel completely relaxed and confident they loved me


----------



## Brandeezy

I said it before but I'll say it again

Car = Date 

No Car = No Date

Too bad I can't find a chick who skateboards or likes to ride bikes


----------



## NoName99

There's been a series of strange events in the past two days, and today I ended up asking a girl her number. She didn't give it to me, but I somehow feel rather satisfied about the whole thing.

It happened in a funny way. I was supposed to go lunch with my brother and his girlfriend at this place, but they got delayed so we cancelled at the last minute. I went anyway, since it's on the way to work, and as I was arriving, I bump into a friend and a couple of his mates who were going there for lunch too. I'm somewhat stunned because it's an unexpected situation and I didn't plan for it which means it's out of my control, but I was feeling alright today, so it didn't bother me too much and I joined them. We go inside this restaurant, sit down and begin ordering. Now, who is serving us? This very cute, somewhat shy, but very gentle looking girl... and what happens? After serving us our drinks, I tell her I want something else too... her number. She goes... 'whaa?' and I go 'I'd like your phone number please.' 'Wait...what??' she repeats. 'Your number ', but she insists 'I'm sorry, I don't understand, what?!', a bit shocked :lol but I wasn't bothered: 'I want your phone number, so I can invite you for coffee sometime.' She looks very embarrassed, looks away, blushing, says 'mmm...kay' and quickly runs away. And never comes back lol. She must have told someone else to replace her and serve us instead. I thought to myself, okay no problem, I wasn't really expecting anything, I'm just fooling around and she was clearly embarrassed by the situation. I had to be at work soon, so after eating I excuse myself to my friends and leave. But I make it so that I can cross paths with her on the way out. I successfully intersect her near the exit, and tell her 'Hey, sorry if I embarrassed you back there, but you're very cute and I just couldn't resist...'. She looks very embarrassed still, doesn't look me in the eye, but says hastily 'no, no problem', and shoots a little adorable smile :mushy. Aaaaand... I go on my merry way and that's it. I'm feeling strange but great about the whole thing. My brain must be completely doped in dopamine right now. Never thought I could pull it off...

But, damn... she was really cute.


----------



## ty44

I don't think I could pick up a girl in the traditional sense, because I would feel like they're doing me a favour by doing so. Every time I've ever been close to a girl was down to circumstance creating mutual interest.


----------



## General Specific

Planting seeds..


----------



## OneIsALonelyNumber

The chance of meeting women diminishes as you get older, so I'm not likely to meet a woman out in the real world. The only thing that will work for me is online dating, or something similar (meeting someone on an internet forum for example).

The goal I have set is to be patient. I'm going to keep checking the online dating sites every couple of weeks. I'm going to force myself to wade through all the fake profiles until I find someone who is not only real, but who enjoys the same things I do (physical activity, reading fantasy and sci-fi, geeky and abnormal stuff like that).


----------



## Primordial Loop

Meh, **** it.


----------



## Zeeshan

So i am back to square one then

definately was a positive couple of weeks

Edit October 23, 2013: Lol so for these two weeks i was seeing this girl A, who comes in later this year. As i am going through the thread, i thought i would leave post marks. I contacted her and we met up three to four times, but i didnt kiss her. A made me really nervous, and i told her i didnt find her attractive which is wrong. 

Anyways, she was in bad shape. After a hug, I thought i would never see her again. I did a year later, and i did get to kiss her and make love to her (wonderful thoughts in hind sight)


----------



## applesauce5482

Nothing right now, I'm focused on getting my life on track first, then once I am mentally and financially ready, I'll put more focus on the girls. That's my goal, unless if I just happen to randomly meet one


----------



## bsd3355

Just approached a 2 set at a bar. Got 1 number. Sitting in another bar downtown Akron. Beer in my hand. Livin the max. Poor as **** lol... whos next? Lol


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Frankly, I could care less anymore. I am just being me, and if a girl doesn't like me for being me, that is her loss.

It's not my fault if a lot of women are losing out on knowing me.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Just approached a 2 set at a bar. Got 1 number. Sitting in another bar downtown Akron. Beer in my hand. Livin the max. Poor as **** lol... whos next? Lol


Gangsta. You're inspiring me. I'll probably head out to the bars tomorrow night.



WintersTale said:


> Frankly, I could care less anymore. I am just being me, and if a girl doesn't like me for being me, that is her loss.
> 
> It's not my fault if a lot of women are losing out on knowing me.


Welp...allowing yourself to be YOU and not worrying about what other people think is a great attitude. That is her loss, you're absolutely right. With that outlook, you would do well approaching girls. Have you really tried yet?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

rymo said:


> Welp...allowing yourself to be YOU and not worrying about what other people think is a great attitude. That is her loss, you're absolutely right. With that outlook, you would do well approaching girls. Have you really tried yet?


To be honest, I'm intimidated by their beauty. I can't approach them.

If I was around more women, that were drop dead gorgeous, other than my sister, I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, I'm kind of socially isolated right now, and whenever I see a girl I find beautiful, my body shakes and I'm too nervous to go up to talk to her.

What I meant was, being my shy, introverted self. It doesn't get me girls, but at least it gets me through the day.


----------



## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> To be honest, I'm intimidated by their beauty. I can't approach them.
> 
> If I was around more women, that were drop dead gorgeous, other than my sister, I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, I'm kind of socially isolated right now, and whenever I see a girl I find beautiful, my body shakes and I'm too nervous to go up to talk to her.
> 
> What I meant was, being my shy, introverted self. It doesn't get me girls, but at least it gets me through the day.


thats what you think, but i have been around gorgeous women all my life does not make it easier it just doesnt


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> To be honest, I'm intimidated by their beauty. I can't approach them.
> 
> If I was around more women, that were drop dead gorgeous, other than my sister, I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, I'm kind of socially isolated right now, and whenever I see a girl I find beautiful, my body shakes and I'm too nervous to go up to talk to her.
> 
> What I meant was, being my shy, introverted self. It doesn't get me girls, but at least it gets me through the day.


Find me the person who never gets intimidated by attractive women and I will proclaim both of you masters of the universe. The ONLY way to decrease approach anxiety is to approach. That's it. End. Of. Story.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I just wish they'd approach ME.

That's all.


----------



## the fella

I have a REALLY hard time asking people out. I would be horrified about that. I'm just so afraid of what'll happen or what they'll say/do, etc. It nearly triggers my anxiety. For some reason, most people don't seem to be into me. I'm a pretty nice guy. Well educated, well spoken, etc. But I'm quite fat and somewhat ugly. I think this may be part of the problem.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> I just wish they'd approach ME.
> 
> That's all.


Who doesn't man?


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Find me the person who never gets intimidated by attractive women and I will proclaim both of you masters of the universe. The ONLY way to decrease approach anxiety is to approach. That's it. End. Of. Story.


Last night when I approached those girls my heart was beating out of my chest. I had to approach them in front of everyone or else not do anything. Well, I did and they were friendly. I lost conversation a few times and just sat there with my drink looking around while they started to talk to each other again. At first I was nervous like, "Damn, I got to keep talking or I'll lose them", but then I realized it's cool, nothing to really talk about; just be natural and chill. So I chilled for a bit just sitting there with my beer, said a few things here and there and just got comfortable within myself. Before I left I got their number saying if they come out there often we should hang out. Got the number and left. Not very solid but I saw, I ignored my anxiety and I approached and it went decent, got the number, that's all that matters. I've been cold-approaching for a bit now. It's like working out in the gym, if you slack off you have to start at zero all over again but it's easier to regain your strength with experience. Rymo is right. DOn't let your fear stop you. It's irrational.


----------



## ourwater

bwidger85 said:


> DOn't let your fear stop you. It's irrational.


Not my fear of bars. :um


----------



## rymo

ourwater said:


> Not my fear of bars. :um


Why? What happened to you in a bar that was so horrible?


----------



## ourwater

rymo said:


> Why? What happened to you in a bar that was so horrible?


A 19 year girl old beat me up with head leaning on one when I was about 7 years old and I started crying. I use the bar as a kitchen now that's in my bedroom not by choice. That's probably the worst of it.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I don't have a fear of bars, but I dislike them. 

I'd rather meet a girl at the library, or someplace like that.


----------



## NoName99

I approached a girl on the beach a few days ago...


----------



## bsd3355

Damn, I had no idea so many guys are making moves on this forum! Great job guys. Looks like you've got a place besides blog to post your **** lol...hmm... i'll try posting more here


----------



## bsd3355

It's interesting to read some of these approaches. It really does seem like if you do nothing then nothing will happen. Rejection is inevitable but so is success if you keep at it. Eventually it is my hope that I can no longer doubt this fact about meeting women. I think I am very close to being there. I still want to prove a couple things to myself. I will be going out tonight solo downtown bars and practicing. Who's with me!? Will keep posted.


----------



## Zeeshan

That knife example is pretty good

but can we remember it when it counts


----------



## bsd3355

joinmartin said:


> Let me ask you something: you're at a gig and you notice a woman across the room. To you, she's beautiful, attractive and everything you want physically in a woman. And, as you take in her beauty, you notice a guy coming up behind her with a knife. He looks as if he's about to mug or threaten her or something bad like that. Nobody else has noticed this guy with the knife and if someone doesn't do something soon then that woman could be in danger of being hurt.
> 
> Could you approach her in that situation? Could you be the guy who went up and helped out a fellow human being? You're a good guy so I'm going to guess that you'd go up to her and help out a fellow human being with no thought of reward. You'd do that instinctively.
> 
> And yet, in a normal situation where you see a woman you like, you have, up until now, tended to think that something can stop you from approaching and talking to her.
> 
> You're a great guy who'd go and help out a complete stranger with no thought of reward if the situation arose. So doesn't a woman you find hot deserve to meet a guy like you? And you've got other great qualities too. Would the hot woman not benefit from meeting and talking with a guy like you?
> 
> What if going up and talking to a woman you find attractive could make her day? Make her go home and feel good about herself? What if she's had a terrible day at work or some idiot was rude to her earlier on and you going up to talk to her/give her a genuine compliment could wipe all that crap away from her day and make her feel good?
> 
> Yeah, you might not get the number or a date or whatever. Every chance you might but you can't control that. What if simply going up and talking to the woman you find attractive could make her feel good? Wouldn't you want to give her that gift?


Guys are afraid of rejection. Being that there is no rejection involved with the knife example then there is no punishment for helping. Instead of rejection he sees he gets rewarded for his behavior. If guys can get over the fact that rejection may occur but still realize the reward of approaching then they may actually do something. However, it gets deeper than that because it isn't HER rejection that really matters; it's HIS internal dialog toward her rejection. He fears that he isn't good enough and doesn't want to be given evidence of that, but what he is forgetting is that rejection goes hand in hand with success. You need to get rejected to get success, and the more you go through with it the easier it gets and the more confidence you develop.


----------



## bsd3355

Joinmartin, this may slightly get off topic, but I just wanted to throw out a couple of ideas. I do agree with what you say. For the most part, I usually do lol...

I like your idea about re-framing internal dialog from "getting something" to "making her feel good". This is a good way to add yet another reward to approach. I must be honest though, it is easier said than done. That fear is still there regardless and the feeling of "bothering" the girl is always present unless you've somehow surpassed this mentality. Still, I think any positive spin you can add to motivate yourself to approach is good. I am not one to deny any positive idea as they are all pretty valid in a lot of ways--approaching is a random thing so it is pretty impossible to know for certain how it will turn out; thus, you can tell yourself a lot of things and they could all be valid before you approach. Sometimes when I heavily doubt myself I'll sit down and meditate on ANY idea that gets me motivated to approach, so I don't discount any method.

Lately, I've been really trying to simply everything, which is pretty hard considering emotional changes and the randomness of approaching. Even though empathy is important when interacting with women, sometimes we care too much what the woman thinks and we put unnecessary effort into making her feel something or do something that fits with how we THINK she should react. This adds more complexity to meeting someone. Not saying this is always necessary, but a lot of the times it is simply best to NOT care what the woman thinks, at least on the opener anyway. There is a saying in parts of the dating community that talks about calibrating yourself AFTER the initial opener because you often have no idea how a woman will react regardless of the approach (see example @: 



). In other words, it isn't always a bad thing to be constant with your openers but obviously it makes more senses to calibrate afterwards by the way she reacts. Hopefully this makes some sense. To me this is a way of simplifying things. Yes, it is good to care what the woman thinks, but often it is the caring of what people think part that stops guys in the first place! Just something to think about.

But yeah, anything that can motivate a guy to approach is good because the outcome could surprise you! I do like your analogy with the knife example. It is definitely a strange thing indeed.


----------



## bsd3355

A few days ago I approached two girls walking around campus. One gave me her number but didn't text me back; the other had a boyfriend. I could of approached more but didn't. I want to aim for 3 girls at the least per day if I go out, and I don't mean just approaching, but I mean actually asking for their numbers (this is my idea of a full approach).

Went out today to do store approaches. I think my standards were pretty high as I saw a couple girls I could of approached but used an excuse not to because I wanted to approach someone I more fancied, but this was an excuse I think because they weren't bad at all to be honest, so I should of. The third girl I saw at the mall but caught her suddenly take a sharp turn to look at some clothes and I used it as an excuse not to approach (weak). But I like to view this experience as getting me more honed into next time when I go out. I'll be more prepared hopefully. Gonna try to go out again tomorrow at campus and maybe some stores. Been saddened my "girlfriend" is moving in a few days ...this should motivate me to go out more!


----------



## Rossy

Nowt


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> A few days ago I approached two girls walking around campus. One gave me her number but didn't text me back; the other had a boyfriend. I could of approached more but didn't. I want to aim for 3 girls at the least per day if I go out, and I don't mean just approaching, but I mean actually asking for their numbers (this is my idea of a full approach).
> 
> Went out today to do store approaches. I think my standards were pretty high as I saw a couple girls I could of approached but used an excuse not to because I wanted to approach someone I more fancied, but this was an excuse I think because they weren't bad at all to be honest, so I should of. The third girl I saw at the mall but caught her suddenly take a sharp turn to look at some clothes and I used it as an excuse not to approach (weak). But I like to view this experience as getting me more honed into next time when I go out. I'll be more prepared hopefully. Gonna try to go out again tomorrow at campus and maybe some stores. Been saddened my "girlfriend" is moving in a few days ...this should motivate me to go out more!


Nice job, man. Today I went to a family party (cousin having a baby, first time I've met his wife's family). So I ended up approaching and talking to several girls from the wife's fam, but despite their being very attractive, they were all older and either shacked up or not living around here. Point is, I didn't go for any numbers or anything but I was pretty smooth at certain points and just had an overall good time with them and in general. It was definitely a social success, and it motivates me to continue approaching girls out and about. It's unfortunate that I'm not usually just out and about at the mall or some campus or a lot of public places unless I go out at night to a bar or something, but whateva...not gonna force it. If I do happen to be out in the day or at night and I see someone I'm attracted to, I am going to talk to her.


----------



## bsd3355

^Cool man. Keep it up. Social momentum! I've tried the "see what opportunities present itself approach" with girls but I find I tend not to do too much when not approaching so I have to go out on a mission.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ^Cool man. Keep it up. Social momentum! I've tried the "see what opportunities present itself approach" with girls but I find I tend not to do too much when not approaching so I have to go out on a mission.


Well I've been keeping myself occupied with working out and I'm trying to develop some other hobbies as well. I'm finding I have to or I'll just go crazy from loneliness. Which is weird because I have a few friends now, seeing a couple girls, but I still have these moments of weakness where I really miss that relationship-type companionship and it makes me feel almost depressed. Right now, for example 

It's not so bad and I'll get over, but as for just going out on a mission to approach girls - maybe that's something I should be incorporating into my life to help make me more positive at times like these. I do feel strange though approaching girls during the day, even though the few times I've done it I found it so much easier and more effective than at night. The problem I have is that leaving my house just to scope out girls seems creepy to me...whereas if I really had something to do and I saw someone during that I wouldn't have a problem approaching them. I don't know, maybe it feels as well that I should have more productive things to do with my life than chase girls at the mall at 25. The funny thing is I want to, but I have this stigma in my head about it for some reason.

This is kind of a new feeling, whereas maybe a month ago and before that all I even cared about was finding a girl. I'm talking scouring the online dating sites, approaching girls at bars, I was obsessed. Now, I have more patience in general, but then there are days like these where I have such an itch to find that special person. I know if I rush that kind of thing it wouldn't be good, and that's why I feel like I have to occupy myself in other ways. Though maybe approaching during the day could be part of that.


----------



## bsd3355

^You may be coming at it from a more healthy perspective than I via filling your extra time with interests. If you can't find other ways to be happy without a girl then I completely understand. I think approaching women on a "mission" thing is all in your head for the most part. When I go out I don't spend all day doing it just a few hours on those max days. Today I also feel like **** and a bit depressed but I've been telling myself to approach since Saturday and it's Monday and I'm still not feeling like it, but I kind of view it like anything else you do when you don't feel like it. I'm going to go out now and go practice even though I don't want to. I get sad NOT doing anything about it because I know I'm just using excuses from my end and months turn into years that way. You can do it or not do it but in the end it's all the same in the grand scheme of things in my opinion. I don't like taking these things too seriously but you got to do it.


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

Pretty much nothing, heh. I can't even hold eye contact with a girl, if that situation occurs I always avert my eyes to the floor or something.


----------



## Loveless

I was doing very well with my anger problem. Then my cell phone lost its service. So now Im angry. Not as bad as I was 2 weeks ago. But generally August has not been a good month. I haven't been very social so I haven't seen any girls. The only girl I saw was a cute waitress when i went out to eat. She was cute, friendly, had a lovely voice to listen to. I only wish I wasn't ugly and awkward. If I was good looking I would have gone for her.


----------



## bsd3355

Made a valiant effort today but not too many girls I'd approach. Thought I'd put in a little college and store approaches for the day. Went to local college, which is dead, and walked around but didn't see anyone I'd approach. Went to about four different grocery stores and saw about three I would approach but I hesitated with two of them and the third one I'm glad I didn't approach because her boyfriend was turning the corner when I passed. All in all, I'm a bit frustrated that I have to drive all over the place to find girls, and even then there really isn't much I'd approach so I end up walking in a store to buy dollar water so it doesn't look like I'm stealing anything. It is awkward to approach but I need to get over it.

Oh, I did approach 1 girl at the mall. She was a clerk. It was a store I would NEVER buy anything from so I hesitated about going in, went to my car and thought about how I could approach it, I went back in and asked if they had any hats. They did. I talked to her very, very briefly. Didn't get to know much about her because conversation was dull and going nowhere so I asked for her number and she had an engagement ring on so no go.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Too ugly. Ill never have a chance. I did when i was younger but not anymore. I grow uglier each day.


----------



## Luka92

Nothing, really. A big part of me doesn't even want a relationship, while the smaller part of me thinks ''it would be nice to have a gf, but no one wants a shy, socially awkward recluse''.


----------



## ShadyGFX

Working out. And working on my confidence


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Made a valiant effort today but not too many girls I'd approach. Thought I'd put in a little college and store approaches for the day. Went to local college, which is dead, and walked around but didn't see anyone I'd approach. Went to about four different grocery stores and saw about three I would approach but I hesitated with two of them and the third one I'm glad I didn't approach because her boyfriend was turning the corner when I passed. All in all, I'm a bit frustrated that I have to drive all over the place to find girls, and even then there really isn't much I'd approach so I end up walking in a store to buy dollar water so it doesn't look like I'm stealing anything. It is awkward to approach but I need to get over it.
> 
> Oh, I did approach 1 girl at the mall. She was a clerk. It was a store I would NEVER buy anything from so I hesitated about going in, went to my car and thought about how I could approach it, I went back in and asked if they had any hats. They did. I talked to her very, very briefly. Didn't get to know much about her because conversation was dull and going nowhere so I asked for her number and she had an engagement ring on so no go.


dude this is a sad post


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> dude this is a sad post


How is this a sad post?

Never mind, don't answer that. I'm sure I'll read it and think your and ******* anyway.

I'll keep moving forward.


----------



## huh

I still think the trap I set is my best option. It just needs a few modifications.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> How is this a sad post?
> 
> Never mind, don't answer that. I'm sure I'll read it and think your and ******* anyway.
> 
> I'll keep moving forward.


you misunderstood why i said sad.

Sad not because of your actions, but sad because of your inaction when you failed to approach. Reminded me of me


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> you misunderstood why i said sad.
> 
> Sad not because of your actions, but sad because of your inaction when you failed to approach. Reminded me of me


I've already set a goal for tomorrow to approach in front of people on purpose with my intentions known. Tomorrow I will set out to approach in front of 10 people if necessary and i'll post the results tomorrow when i get back. I passed way too many opportunities because I care too much what others think. I'm going in awkward and all just to do it. **** it


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I've already set a goal for tomorrow to approach in front of people on purpose with my intentions known. Tomorrow I will set out to approach in front of 10 people if necessary and i'll post the results tomorrow when i get back. I passed way too many opportunities because I care too much what others think. I'm going in awkward and all just to do it. **** it


Man you got some balls, do these approaches actually lead to anything though. Wouldnt you be more comfortable talking to a girl in like a coffeeshop, or a bar, or like a library or something

like just having a discussion not trying to discourage you


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I've already set a goal for tomorrow to approach in front of people on purpose with my intentions known. Tomorrow I will set out to approach in front of 10 people if necessary and i'll post the results tomorrow when i get back. I passed way too many opportunities because I care too much what others think. I'm going in awkward and all just to do it. **** it


you gotta help me bro, how do you do it. Like i have talked to strange girls before but i want to do this. I really want to do this.


----------



## bsd3355

They probably won't lead to anything but I just want to do it to do it. Nothing special. You just do it


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> They probably won't lead to anything but I just want to do it to do it. Nothing special. You just do it


but like theoratically speaking people do meet at coffee shops

like if i go out, i am going to see a girl i like, definately like somewhere i am just there doing whatever.

but like if i had this tool it would be awesome


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> but like theoratically speaking people do meet at coffee shops
> 
> like if i go out, i am going to see a girl i like, definately like somewhere i am just there doing whatever.
> 
> but like if i had this tool it would be awesome


This whole time I thought you were already doing this by the way you talked on the forums. I'm still not sure if you are tooting my horn or not, but regardless...

Personally, I'd rather be on the search for girls when I go out so I don't waste my entire day sitting at some place hoping girls will enter or be there (coffee shops, libraries, etc.). This is the main reason I don't go to some places, because I usually don't go there to begin with which means I'll be sitting there bored waiting for someone to come; meanwhile, I could go somewhere that I know has girls and at least approach them while I'm there then leave without waiting around. I'd go to coffee shops if there were more girls. I hate grocery stores for the most part but I go because I realize where I live it is one of the best places to go on off nights like Sunday or Monday.

A lot of people say just go do something you like doing and you'll meet girls there but for the most part most the things I enjoy doing are solitary activities. The only social things I have going for me is college and work, but work sucks. However, I have learned that if I am with a girl I like it makes me want to do social things with her if she is a social person. Also, the concept of meeting people through friends is also a time consuming task, one that seems much more drawn out than simple cold-approach.

In general, someone has to make the move. Why put limits on where to do it? I think most people do that because it is so hard to do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work either.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I was called a sweetie again by an attractive girl, slightly younger than me. This was when I went out to eat with my family.

The thing that stops me from approaching these women and possibly getting their numbers, or giving them mine, is that it is always in the presence of my mom, my sister, and her three kids. That is a great topic for conversation, but I can just imagine the embarrassment of a rejection in front of my mom, not to mention my sis and the kids!

I need a social life, I guess that's what I need. I need to get a driver's license and a car, a job (where I can make money), and a brand of new friends. The old ones aren't working out too well. The closest friend I have right now is divorced and also has social anxiety, so he isn't exactly someone who is good with women.

The main thing that will be good next semester is that I'm taking a class on campus, which means I will be surrounded by people who are hopefully my age. It's a night class. The one downer that might be a problem is that it's a male oriented major, computer programming, so unless I meet a cute geeky girl, I will probably be surrounded by a sausage fest.


----------



## bg09

lol nothing, usually i don't even care about it anymore but now i have pretty much no friends to hang out with, so having a girl would be nice to have someone to do **** with... Oh well


----------



## Zeeshan

For what its worth i must say that POF has been wrongly represented on this forum. I recently joined again, and met two girls already who gave me their numbers. Although they are just average girls, which is what i want anyways.

But i think the way people insult POF here, is somewhat incorrect. If you especially read a girls profile, then its more likely she will respond to you, but its true 90% of messages dont go anywhere

I think there is a lot of men lying on POF. Especially about height, money etc. One of the things i heard is that 60-70% of men profile on POF is over 6 foot, however in the general population this number is more like 20%. Which is the primary issue. Of course those relationships wont go anywhere because the girl will discover that you are a liar, and not her type. This is the problem with free online dating vs. paid like match.com. 

but i will reiterate that its not as worthless as its made out to be here


----------



## ravens

I would like to go up to women and talk to them but in my mind I say things like I don't have a job so she won't be interested. I've been called sweetheart and darling by women they are always cashiers so I always think they are just being nice.


----------



## 427

i know of a guy who lived at home with his two parents; he had a sort of decent job;
he spent all of his money on looking good and on the girls
he would buy a new corvette every few years etc.
none of the girls stayed with him for long.
he ended up with a sort of gold-digger


----------



## bsd3355

Been going out the last two nights. The first night took me off guard because there was so much people I didn't expect it as it is usually dead (found a new club). I didn't approach that night but I should of. The opportunities were freakin nuts. Next night (last night) went to local bar and got there around 11pm. Not too many people there. I should of waited around longer because it doesn't get busy til 12am most of the time, and thursdays are usually busy. Yet, another excuse and went home shortly after. Woke up today went to local college. Saw one girl but didn't approach because I didn't want to run after her as she was walking in front of me in the same direction. Not so sure if this was an excuse, but might as well chalk it up as one. Just came back from going to a couple stores to approach. Saw two girls the entire trip. One girl I didn't approach because I didn't know what to say and the other girl I didn't approach because yet another excuse.

I've experienced this before, lack of approaching due to excuses. It makes me really think about wtf I'm doing wrong. A lot of the problem is that the excuses seem so legit while I'm out. I wish there was a way I could keep the motivation in my head when I see an opportunity. Obviously, there are other factors at play as well (i.e., not knowing what to say, fear of being judged, etc.). Even though I've done all this before, I don't think it gets easier UNLESS you approach regardless. It is extremely hard to break that barrier, even with experience (I don't consider myself having much experience with it).

I'm going to go to the club that was packed last wednesday tonight. If that is lame then I'll probably shoot downtown kent or akron. I'm going to write down what I did wrong last time and maybe think of some ways I can approach so I don't have to think of them while I'm out, and even though the technical answer is "say anything", it is harder done than said when you are in the situation. I need to strategize so it is more automatic. For anyone who knows the difference between being direct and indirect, most of my ideas have been to approach indirect so it looks natural and then go direct when I want to state my true intentions (i.e., "Sarah!? Oh, sorry, wrong person. Is it always this busy in here?" [indirect]; "You're cute. What's your name?" [direct]). I don't like to go direct in some places because I would rather approach less aggressively so it doesn't take her by surprise. I'd also like to talk for a bit before I say she's cute for the same reason. Idk, see how it goes. I've noticed it is nearly impossible to go indirect at stores because they usually aren't stationary, so unfortunately I think the best way is to just go direct.

I've been hoping to give some reports but I've been experiencing a wave of excuses I need to overcome. I'll keep going out. It has been slow progress lately.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Been going out the last two nights. The first night took me off guard because there was so much people I didn't expect it as it is usually dead (found a new club). I didn't approach that night but I should of. The opportunities were freakin nuts. Next night (last night) went to local bar and got there around 11pm. Not too many people there. I should of waited around longer because it doesn't get busy til 12am most of the time, and thursdays are usually busy. Yet, another excuse and went home shortly after. Woke up today went to local college. Saw one girl but didn't approach because I didn't want to run after her as she was walking in front of me in the same direction. Not so sure if this was an excuse, but might as well chalk it up as one. Just came back from going to a couple stores to approach. Saw two girls the entire trip. One girl I didn't approach because I didn't know what to say and the other girl I didn't approach because yet another excuse.
> 
> I've experienced this before, lack of approaching due to excuses. It makes me really think about wtf I'm doing wrong. A lot of the problem is that the excuses seem so legit while I'm out. I wish there was a way I could keep the motivation in my head when I see an opportunity. Obviously, there are other factors at play as well (i.e., not knowing what to say, fear of being judged, etc.). Even though I've done all this before, I don't think it gets easier UNLESS you approach regardless. It is extremely hard to break that barrier, even with experience (I don't consider myself having much experience with it).
> 
> I'm going to go to the club that was packed last wednesday tonight. If that is lame then I'll probably shoot downtown kent or akron. I'm going to write down what I did wrong last time and maybe think of some ways I can approach so I don't have to think of them while I'm out, and even though the technical answer is "say anything", it is harder done than said when you are in the situation. I need to strategize so it is more automatic. For anyone who knows the difference between being direct and indirect, most of my ideas have been to approach indirect so it looks natural and then go direct when I want to state my true intentions (i.e., "Sarah!? Oh, sorry, wrong person. Is it always this busy in here?" [indirect]; "You're cute. What's your name?" [direct]). I don't like to go direct in some places because I would rather approach less aggressively so it doesn't take her by surprise. I'd also like to talk for a bit before I say she's cute for the same reason. Idk, see how it goes. I've noticed it is nearly impossible to go indirect at stores because they usually aren't stationary, so unfortunately I think the best way is to just go direct.
> 
> I've been hoping to give some reports but I've been experiencing a wave of excuses I need to overcome. I'll keep going out. It has been slow progress lately.


The trek continues. Ive decided to get a BMW.

Im gonna go ahead and see if i can fit it into my budget. Its a shallow world, might as well take advantage of what you can do for yourself

Edit October 23, 2013: I did get a Mercedes, even better than a BMW.


----------



## MrQuiet76

Absolutely nothing


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Nothing. Most girls don't want me, and the rest are married.


----------



## ravens

I'm doing nothing to get a girl. The only places that I go to are stores and when I see girls that I'm attracted to I think she will think I'm a creep if I talk to her. Just the thought of talking to a girl and I get terrible anxiety.


----------



## Zeeshan

IM thinking about trying match.com or eharmony.com

I end up getting a lot of numbers on POF, but i feel like that people are just not serious. I read some online stuff about how a good looking woman gets 240 messages on POF in one day. Even worse a 5-6 is getting like 60-70 messagese. I think this accounts for why there are so many rejections.

I think with a website where you have to pay to send messages is better.

Edit October 23, 2013: Match.com was a total bust, mostly because it requires you to write out long drawn out emails, instant of just instant messaging. I found that my response rate was garbage on Match.com, for whatever reason compare to POF. Could be the volume, but i did awful. I did get numbers from 4 or 5 girls over the course of the years membership, but a of the times i messed up by not being aggressive


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> IM thinking about trying match.com or eharmony.com
> 
> I end up getting a lot of numbers on POF, but i feel like that people are just not serious. I read some online stuff about how a good looking woman gets 240 messages on POF in one day. Even worse a 5-6 is getting like 60-70 messagese. I think this accounts for why there are so many rejections.
> 
> I think with a website where you have to pay to send messages is better.


This is true. I'd rather approach in real life. I may post a couple reports here but after that I'll most likely move it to my blog because I don't need the pressure and the loom right now. People here don't seem to think that people are allowed to fail, and I don't like that mentality--it'll get you nowhere.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> This is true. I'd rather approach in real life. I may post a couple reports here but after that I'll most likely move it to my blog because I don't need the pressure and the loom right now. People here don't seem to think that people are allowed to fail, and I don't like that mentality--it'll get you nowhere.


Its not that. Believe me your dong great.

Its just that, online dating is so much easier. I wish i had the balls you do, but it just feels like wasted energy for me


----------



## nk2343

Quite a bit over the last year. 

Hired a dating coach, and have probably cold approached hundreds of girls. (think simple pickup) But it's not that easy.

I had hangups just approaching a girl, then texting a girl, then going on a date, etc. My inexperience keeps sabotaging myself at different spots

Basically I have to get over my fear of just stopping and talking to a girl, when I do, I hope I don't look like an idiot and can carry a conversation. I'm really not good at this since I freeze up a lot and just jump to asking a girl out (It's really the easiest part for me, approaching and everything else is hardest)

Like I said I've probably approached hundreds of girls. I'm not too chatty, so my approach to number rate is probably really low. Even then if you get a number at this point I realize it's nothing. Most girls never respond/or give excuses as to why they won't go on a date. Then even if you arrange one you get some BS excuse and they flake last minute.

So after god knows how many numbers, and a couple of dates I've gotten more than one date just once. She was awesome, I have no idea what I screwed up since she went from being completely interested in me to ignoring me. I've been pining over her the last two months trying to think of a way to salvage something.


----------



## bsd3355

It's cool. Thanks for the support.


----------



## Zeeshan

nk2343 said:


> Quite a bit over the last year.
> 
> Hired a dating coach, and have probably cold approached hundreds of girls. (think simple pickup) But it's not that easy.
> 
> I had hangups just approaching a girl, then texting a girl, then going on a date, etc. My inexperience keeps sabotaging myself at different spots
> 
> Basically I have to get over my fear of just stopping and talking to a girl, when I do, I hope I don't look like an idiot and can carry a conversation. I'm really not good at this since I freeze up a lot and just jump to asking a girl out (It's really the easiest part for me, approaching and everything else is hardest)
> 
> Like I said I've probably approached hundreds of girls. I'm not too chatty, so my approach to number rate is probably really low. Even then if you get a number at this point I realize it's nothing. Most girls never respond/or give excuses as to why they won't go on a date. Then even if you arrange one you get some BS excuse and they flake last minute.
> 
> So after god knows how many numbers, and a couple of dates I've gotten more than one date just once. She was awesome, I have no idea what I screwed up since she went from being completely interested in me to ignoring me. I've been pining over her the last two months trying to think of a way to salvage something.


Just out of curiousity where were you doing these approaches like the kind of places


----------



## nk2343

Zeeshan said:


> Just out of curiousity where were you doing these approaches like the kind of places


I live in NYC so anywhere really. Just on the street, I've done some indoors (cafe/grocery) but I am more scared to do them in these spots.


----------



## Zeeshan

nk2343 said:


> I live in NYC so anywhere really. Just on the street, I've done some indoors (cafe/grocery) but I am more scared to do them in these spots.


I would think that the streets would be a waste of time. At least in a cafe they are already there. Even grocerry stores

I generally think that if i finally get the balls to approach it would be more like a campus or something


----------



## bsd3355

nk2343 said:


> I live in NYC so anywhere really. Just on the street, I've done some indoors (cafe/grocery) but I am more scared to do them in these spots.


what I wouldn't GIVE to live in NYC and approach!


----------



## nk2343

bwidger85 said:


> what I wouldn't GIVE to live in NYC and approach!


If you are good it's probably amazing, but I just spent a year here and had to get out. Felt incredibly lonely at the end.


----------



## Daylight

Focusing on improving my well being and hopefully land a girl in the process.


----------



## Ivan AG

Could any of you shed some light on the cold approaching that you do?

I mean like how do you make it look natural? In my mind it seems like the most awkward thing I could do, and yet you're having success with it.


----------



## bsd3355

nk2343 said:


> If you are good it's probably amazing, but I just spent a year here and had to get out. Felt incredibly lonely at the end.


Why is that? So many people and not making any connections?


----------



## nk2343

Ivan AG said:


> Could any of you shed some light on the cold approaching that you do?
> 
> I mean like how do you make it look natural? In my mind it seems like the most awkward thing I could do, and yet you're having success with it.


I guess just look at simple pickup, just approach with compliment or just asking directions or whatever and try to transition into a conversation.


----------



## nk2343

bwidger85 said:


> Why is that? So many people and not making any connections?


I don't know, but for me specifically I spent a year soley trying to improve my social life there. After one year I got no where and was at my wits end. Then I finally met a girl I liked but blew that and now I just don't want to be there since I feel everything reminds me of what a failure I am.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Self improvement both physically and mentally.


----------



## bsd3355

I keep sabotaging myself!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

A girl? What's that?

Oh, those pretty human beings that keep on rejecting me or playing around with me or being mean to me?

If so, I ain't doin' nothing!


----------



## bsd3355

Bar/club approaches


----------



## RelinquishedHell

"Get a girl" Sounds creepy. I've got a lot of improvement to make before I'm ready for a relationship.


----------



## pete24

Classic chance blown last night 

Was out with my friends with benefits (Bonus, because I get to pull women and still have fun)

Saw this absolutely beautiful girl when we were in pub. Since my ex, maybe the hottest girl iv seen and only 1 iv fancied.

She looked at me, smiled and then we kept giving each other eye contact (she would look, smile, maybe laugh to her friend), even when I wasnt looking my FWB said shes looking at me. 

I bailed really, was worrying thinking she thought my FWB was my girlfriend, that I was imagining things or it was because she found me silly looking and was smiling/laughing at me in that way.

I think it was a failed night of chances, I had several hot women looking, some really flirty bar maids (1 was trying it on, until she realised my and my FWB were paying together).

Problem with me, I get nervous too easily. Yea I cant be that bad looking, and have gained confidence, but there has been times where I have been shot down badly by average looking girls, so when a complete stunner takes interest I start to get skeptical


----------



## low

Educating society through the medium of the internet, on the evils of a certain hypocritical ideology currently subjugating the masculine sex, in order to reduce inter-male competition and bring about a greater societal female participation and reduction in pursuit of capital; thereby bringing about a more equal inter-sex equilibrium of human courtship relations.


----------



## Zeeshan

Six pack abs

Edit October 23, 2013: At this time i was deceiving my self into thinking i was getting abs and lower body fat. Infact i was actually very high body fat, for somebody my height. I had no idea how much weigth training, cardio and diet are involved in getting to a six pack level.

I am closer in my life then i have ever been and thats after giving up fast food, limiting calories and doing other things.

But at this point i was in what i liked to call self deception mode. Eating fast food like it was no big deal, as long as i did "some cardio"

LOL


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I hit her with my club, then drag her back to my cave. *lecherous wink*


----------



## rymo

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> "Get a girl" Sounds creepy. I've got a lot of improvement to make before I'm ready for a relationship.


Getting a girl doesn't have to mean "relationship".



pete24 said:


> Classic chance blown last night
> 
> Was out with my friends with benefits (Bonus, because I get to pull women and still have fun)
> 
> Saw this absolutely beautiful girl when we were in pub. Since my ex, maybe the hottest girl iv seen and only 1 iv fancied.
> 
> She looked at me, smiled and then we kept giving each other eye contact (she would look, smile, maybe laugh to her friend), even when I wasnt looking my FWB said shes looking at me.
> 
> I bailed really, was worrying thinking she thought my FWB was my girlfriend, that I was imagining things or it was because she found me silly looking and was smiling/laughing at me in that way.
> 
> I think it was a failed night of chances, I had several hot women looking, some really flirty bar maids (1 was trying it on, until she realised my and my FWB were paying together).
> 
> Problem with me, I get nervous too easily. Yea I cant be that bad looking, and have gained confidence, but there has been times where I have been shot down badly by average looking girls, so when a complete stunner takes interest I start to get skeptical


Listen, man. Everyone who approaches girls has been shot down badly by average looking girls. Sometimes it's actually harder to get an average looker because they're not used to being approached and either get confused or figure you're just trying to run game on them. A few weeks ago in Brooklyn I got rejected hard and rudely by a pair of 5s. FIVES!

But it just doesn't matter. What does one girl have to do with another? Nothing. Every girl has different tastes, a different situation, different moods. I would bet that that girl was absolutely looking at you. And you just defeated yourself. But what did you have to lose? You had your friend with benefits there anyway so who cares if you got rejected? I think the best way to look at it is to just have fun with it. And while you're having fun, who knows? You could pull a gorgeous girl in the process.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

I gave up. I'm not gonna even try.


----------



## rymo

visualkeirockstar said:


> I gave up. I'm not gonna even try.


k


----------



## RelinquishedHell

rymo said:


> Getting a girl doesn't have to mean "relationship".


----------



## Brad

Nothing


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Brad5 said:


> Nothing


:lol


----------



## srschirm

low said:


> Educating society through the medium of the internet, on the evils of a certain hypocritical ideology currently subjugating the masculine sex, in order to reduce inter-male competition and bring about a greater societal female participation and reduction in pursuit of capital; thereby bringing about a more equal inter-sex equilibrium of human courtship relations.


:clap


----------



## srschirm

I've got an iron on the fire, but it probably won't amount to anything due to a couple reasons.


----------



## bsd3355

Feeling pretty good right now. I finally approached a girl in the store lol...

I've been having a hard time with this lately. I've had it in my head that if I saw a girl at the store I'd like to approach I'd go direct and basically tell her she's cute off the rip, but it seemed like every opportunity I had I just got nervous and bailed. It got me pretty frustrated, especially since I've been trying this for like a week straight now and not approaching, so I remembered David Wygant's advice: 



.

Basically, the idea is to approach on an observation of your surroundings and make it more causal (indirect). I think going off an observation is much more casual and welcoming and you can also use anything in your surroundings (if you never seen the stuff before make a story up about it, etc, or ask an opinion about it).

So yeah, went into Walmart and saw a couple girls I thought I'd approach. _I noticed just thinking of approaching with an observation gave me an excuse to get close to her and look at items by her instead of walking away because I didn't want to go direct _(GOLDEN!). So instead of being too intimidated this time I went right by her and starting looking at laundry detergent of all things lol. Right when I was about to ask her what brand is best her friend popped up with a shopping cart and threw me all off and I used that as an excuse not to approach, but at least I was satisfied with the observational opener.

So I walked around the other side of the store and saw a girl looking at bathroom drapes. Once again, no hesitation because of the observational opener in my head gave me confidence for some reason. So I walk over and the first thing I see I thought I could comment on was bathroom tub mats lol. So I said, "Hey, you ever use these things before? Do they work well?".... she said in a social manner, "No, but my friends has. They get real moldy I think. That's the only problem."....from there I said something about never using them and then after that went direct by saying she was cute and asked her name.....at this point you almost always get a confused look on the girls' faces lol, but that's normal UNLESS she is really in tune to it or highly interested... so then I ask her some obvious questions like does she go to school around here, etc., and i mentioned where i went to school and what i do etc... a minute or so later when she didn't really seem too much into the conversation I asked if she liked to text and she said she had a boyfriend. I said it's all good and left in good spirits. It wasn't harsh at all and pretty natural actually. Plus, she was pretty friendly.

I was real happy with myself I finally approached after a week or so of doing this at stores. I think I found a good method to go by which is probably the most important thing I learned, and once again that method is observational openers because it isn't too abrasive and also it fits well into the situation at stores and allows you to start a conversation on a easy level that seems natural. It also allows me to not hesitate and psych myself out of walking over and saying something. I'm simply not ready to go direct off the rip because that takes a lot of confidence to do and I just don't have it yet.

I went to another store and was about to say something to the cashier but some lady got behind me and I psyched myself out because I didn't want to say anything in-front of another person (weak). But this is good too because it allows me to see what I'm doing wrong and do it under that context next time so now I can prepare myself for it.

All in all, totally happy I approached today! I feel I have a solid structure I can follow now which should help me out tremendously instead of always trying to think of some different way to approach, etc. Also, having a structure will allow me to focus more on abstract things that I'm messing up with like flirting with people around or flirting with girls who are with their friends, etc., which I used as excuses today not to approach. This gave me a second wind of confidence I've been hoping for and it'll only make me want to challenge myself more and go for more approaches, etc.

AWESOME!

If anyone remembers my "bar/club approaches" blog I gave a link to here, then realize that is another foundation I am trying to have so I am less hesitant while out. Hesitation will kill your motivation faster than anything! I'm going to try and make them as solid as possible so if I am doing something right while I'm out (approaching confidently with no hesitation) I will note the MINDSET IT TOOK OR PROCESS and refine the list to get it more concrete. Like I said, I noticed a _comfortable _method I've been using to stop girls at college campuses while walking and that is going indirect by asking where a certain building is to going direct and saying they are cute then going into conversation... what that method is is a foundation that feels comfortable to me and keeps me away from hesitation. I'm trying to build my store and club/bar foundations as well, which is why I talk about observational openers, etc. So far, my store approaches foundation is mainly just focused on positive neergy and observational openers. Hopefully, I can practice this more and get more abstract with the list like the bar/club approaches list, but right now I'm trying to keep it simple and go with what works.


----------



## bk

...


----------



## Furious Ming

low said:


> Educating society through the medium of the internet, on the evils of a certain hypocritical ideology currently subjugating the masculine sex, in order to reduce inter-male competition and bring about a greater societal female participation and reduction in pursuit of capital; thereby bringing about a more equal inter-sex equilibrium of human courtship relations.


----------



## Trigo

low said:


> Educating society through the medium of the internet, on the evils of a certain hypocritical ideology currently subjugating the masculine sex, in order to reduce inter-male competition and bring about a greater societal female participation and reduction in pursuit of capital; thereby bringing about a more equal inter-sex equilibrium of human courtship relations.


:lol


----------



## bsd3355

bk said:


> A small tip:
> If you have trouble cold approaching girls at bars and so on but want to try something other than online dating attend some meetup.com meetups. Pick a group that interests you and most women there will be single and have similar interests. If you happen to attend a few meetups with the same people it can become a lot easier to ask them to do stuff outside of the group setting.


This is true. I have tried this. The approach is welcomed and friendly. However, I won't go unless I know for certain a lot of people will attend or at least have some I'd like to meet.


----------



## komorikun

bk said:


> A small tip:
> If you have trouble cold approaching girls at bars and so on but want to try something other than online dating attend some meetup.com meetups. Pick a group that interests you and most women there will be single and have similar interests. If you happen to attend a few meetups with the same people it can become a lot easier to ask them to do stuff outside of the group setting.


Yeah, I've had more guys I met at meetups ask me out (3 or 4) than ever at school. It's especially good for people age 25+.


----------



## srschirm

komorikun said:


> Yeah, I've had more guys I met at meetups ask me out (3 or 4) than ever at school. It's especially good for people age 25+.


Thanks for the tip. I even had the balls to ask someone out at a meetup. We had a nice time.


----------



## bsd3355

Tonight's report at the Dusty:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/blogs/bwidger85-6289/coming-back-from-the-dusty-17063/


----------



## CourtneyB

Is this only a thread about guys getting girls or can it also be the reverse?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm waiting for them to "get me."


----------



## srschirm

joinmartin said:


> Indeed, hearing about what girls are doing to get guys might be of benefit to guys as they will be able to see that girls they may like can be just as nervous, unsure etc as they are. It might remind us all that we are all human beings seeking to connect better with one another.


Good point.


----------



## CourtneyB

joinmartin said:


> I'm not the OP but I see no reason why this thread cannot also be about girls seeking to get guys/girls detailing what they are doing to attract guys they like etc.
> 
> After all, many of us regardless of gender are in pursuit of relationships, sex, romance, love etc.
> 
> Indeed, hearing about what girls are doing to get guys might be of benefit to guys as they will be able to see that girls they may like can be just as nervous, unsure etc as they are. It might remind us all that we are all human beings seeking to connect better with one another.
> 
> I cannot speak for the OP or for others on this thread but I have no objections to girls talking about what they may be doing to get guys in this thread.
> 
> And it goes without saying that guys can talk about what they are doing to get guys (if they are gay) and girls can talk about what they are doing to get girls (if they are lesbians) and asexuals could easily discuss how they are seeking to connect with guys and girls in non sexual ways that still contribute to the forming of close bonds, friendships etc.


Great.

Honestly, I've done nothing. Look at my recent posts and you'll see why. I'm not in a good place for a relationship right now. If an amazing guy came into my life that I would be crazy to let slip away, that may change my mind/force me to do something though.

Girls go through the same things guys do. But guys tend to chase more than girls, so it gives girls a slight advantage, admittedly.


----------



## bsd3355

CourtneyB said:


> Is this only a thread about guys getting girls or can it also be the reverse?


I think it'll be interesting to get perspectives.


----------



## CourtneyB

bwidger85 said:


> I think it'll be interesting to get perspectives.


Girls are clingy. Much moreso than men. Girls want romance and for guys to remember the little things they say and do. Ask them about it or bring it up.later on in a conversation. If you do that you'll stand out. There's a tip lol


----------



## srschirm

CourtneyB said:


> Girls are clingy. Much moreso than men. Girls want romance and for guys to remember the little things they say and do. Ask them about it or bring it up.later on in a conversation. If you do that you'll stand out. There's a tip lol


I don't know, I can be every bit as clingy as a woman. And to me, that's not a bad thing per se.


----------



## CourtneyB

srschirm said:


> I don't know, I can be every bit as clingy as a woman. And to me, that's not a bad thing per se.


I think, at least to the seemingly normal people, clinginess is a no-no. At least desperate clinginess.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I don't know how clingy I would be, because someone has to give me a chance.

I understand giving MYSELF a chance, but I can't date myself. It takes two people to date.


----------



## ravens

I don't know how clingy I would be either. My mother and I ware talking one day of relationships and she said that since I've never had a girlfriend I might fall for the first one that was interested in me.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

My old friend got engaged and moved in with the first girl who let him inside after a couple of months. Crazy.


----------



## bsd3355

CourtneyB said:


> I think, at least to the seemingly normal people, clinginess is a no-no. At least desperate clinginess.


God, I've been thinking so much about missing people and being clingy stuff-related that it makes me kind of pissed about it. I mean, it is almost inevitable someone is going to miss someone when feelings are involved. It is like no matter what if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend, especially at a young age, you're going to get ****ed up feelings that hurt. When you think about relationships that aren't meant for marriage or life-long commitment, you are almost guaranteeing hurt because you already made your mind up you'd see someone else down the road, and there is a good chance they are thinking the same thing especially if they are young or with little experience.

It's really strange how that works. You can say to yourself that the feelings are "nothing" until you experience it and then if you're like me you realize how ****ed up it is and you get pissed about it. I'm still learning from this as I have had little relationship experience where I actually really cared for someone, but so far I just get pissed thinking about missing people because I see it as a selfish thing and something that derives from biology and not free will and it pisses me off lol.

Sooner or later I would hope to develop a healthier outlook on it but I'm still going the the adolescent exposure of it.


----------



## Zeeshan

So i have been texting three girls simultaneously. Met all three online last week. Went out with the first today, not bad. The entire time we were gazing at each other and she kept playing with her hair, however i dont know.

when we were just texting before she would reply right away, now she is leaving 10-15 minutes between her replies. Not sure if it means anything or just nothing.

Second one is saturday afternoon, and third is sunday night. 

Will update you guys, Im not counting on anything right now, but at the very least going out on dates is better then nothing.

Edit October 23, 2013: Lol i was going hard at POF. Actually this girl wasnt that pretty and had a lisp. I dont remember where things cutoff with her, but i think she didnt find me particularly attractive. She was also not really GF Material, also not impressed by the Camry i was driving at the time.


----------



## srschirm

CourtneyB said:


> I think, at least to the seemingly normal people, clinginess is a no-no. At least desperate clinginess.


I'm healthy clingy. :teeth


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So i have been texting three girls simultaneously. Met all three online last week. Went out with the first today, not bad. The entire time we were gazing at each other and she kept playing with her hair, however i dont know.
> 
> when we were just texting before she would reply right away, now she is leaving 10-15 minutes between her replies. Not sure if it means anything or just nothing.
> 
> Second one is saturday afternoon, and third is sunday night.
> 
> Will update you guys, Im not counting on anything right now, but at the very least going out on dates is better then nothing.


Are you physically attracted to these girls? Most the time I go online most the girls that hit me up I'm not that into. Online has always been like pulling teeth for me so I gave it up.

Was gonna go out tonight but didn't really feel like going to a not-so-busy bar and staring at the wall. I will try to wake up early tomorrow to make up for not going out tonight and try to see what I can stir up in the day time.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Are you physically attracted to these girls? Most the time I go online most the girls that hit me up I'm not that into. Online has always been like pulling teeth for me so I gave it up.
> 
> Was gonna go out tonight but didn't really feel like going to a not-so-busy bar and staring at the wall. I will try to wake up early tomorrow to make up for not going out tonight and try to see what I can stir up in the day time.


When I am online, rarely do girls hit me up. I'm looking forward to a report.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Are you physically attracted to these girls? Most the time I go online most the girls that hit me up I'm not that into. Online has always been like pulling teeth for me so I gave it up.
> 
> Was gonna go out tonight but didn't really feel like going to a not-so-busy bar and staring at the wall. I will try to wake up early tomorrow to make up for not going out tonight and try to see what I can stir up in the day time.


I am. All three are very average looking, but i am okay with that. I have zero problems getting date, but i have trouble esclating the relationship

Edit October 23, 2013: Actually honest here, i wasnt that attracted to them, but truth be told it had been so long since i had any action that it didnt even matter. They were average.


----------



## CourtneyB

bwidger85 said:


> God, I've been thinking so much about missing people and being clingy stuff-related that it makes me kind of pissed about it. I mean, it is almost inevitable someone is going to miss someone when feelings are involved. It is like no matter what if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend, especially at a young age, you're going to get ****ed up feelings that hurt. When you think about relationships that aren't meant for marriage or life-long commitment, you are almost guaranteeing hurt because you already made your mind up you'd see someone else down the road, and there is a good chance they are thinking the same thing especially if they are young or with little experience.
> 
> It's really strange how that works. You can say to yourself that the feelings are "nothing" until you experience it and then if you're like me you realize how ****ed up it is and you get pissed about it. I'm still learning from this as I have had little relationship experience where I actually really cared for someone, but so far I just get pissed thinking about missing people because I see it as a selfish thing and something that derives from biology and not free will and it pisses me off lol.
> 
> Sooner or later I would hope to develop a healthier outlook on it but I'm still going the the adolescent exposure of it.


I think it has to do with this society-induced bulls*** of "I don't need anyone or to lean on anyone - I am independent and strong". No one is that immune.

We as humans need others to survive and be healthy. Also, you're right, you're bound to ling or get attach in one way or another. Like I said, we all need some support. I think many fake beg nattached so as to not get hurt. I think many force theselves to keep a distance because getting attached involves admitting caring about someone and trust and they view that as weakness.



srschirm said:


> I'm healthy clingy. :teeth


Is there such a thing in humans?



Zeeshan said:


> So i have been texting three girls simultaneously. Met all three online last week. Went out with the first today, not bad. *The entire time we were gazing at each other and she keptplaying with her hair, however i dont know.
> 
> when we were just texting before she would reply right away, now she is leaving 10-15 minutes between her replies. Not sure if it means anything or just nothing.*
> 
> Second one is saturday afternoon, and third is sunday night.
> 
> Will update you guys, Im not counting on anything right now, but at the very least going out on dates is better then nothing.


I'll try to help.

The gazing and playing with her hair is a sign of flirtiness and attraction. I do it all the time around guys whom I think are cute.

Usually, girls will start to force themselves to leave time between texts after a while to give off the allusion that they are not thinking of you or are busy with other things/people...but in reality (most likely) we are forcing ourselves not to text you back right away as to not look pressed and clingy. It's quite hard. I try to do the same thing, but get giddy as a school girl if I see him text me. Especially if he texts me first.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I am. All three are very average looking, but i am okay with that. I have zero problems getting date, but i have trouble esclating the relationship


Escalating and relationship transitioning is the easier part for me. The hard part seems to be playing the number's game and approaching. Usually I've found if a girl is interested from the beginning then chances are high you can escalate the relationship fairly easily because she already likes you and makes it easy on you.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> When I am online, rarely do girls hit me up. I'm looking forward to a report.


Today's campus report


----------



## srschirm

CourtneyB said:


> Is there such a thing in humans?


Yes.


----------



## rymo

CourtneyB said:


> Is this only a thread about guys getting girls or can it also be the reverse?


Sure...this isn't Augusta National golf club, all perspectives are welcome.



Zeeshan said:


> So i have been texting three girls simultaneously. Met all three online last week. Went out with the first today, not bad. The entire time we were gazing at each other and she kept playing with her hair, however i dont know.
> 
> when we were just texting before she would reply right away, now she is leaving 10-15 minutes between her replies. Not sure if it means anything or just nothing.
> 
> Second one is saturday afternoon, and third is sunday night.
> 
> Will update you guys, Im not counting on anything right now, but at the very least going out on dates is better then nothing.


Absolutely. Nice work! First date no kiss attempt?


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Sure...this isn't Augusta National golf club, all perspectives are welcome.


Whatever.


----------



## CourtneyB

rymo said:


> Sure...this isn't Augusta National golf club, all perspectives are welcome.
> 
> Absolutely. Nice work! First date no kiss attempt?


Oh good, I was worried when I saw "He-Man Woman Haters" country club jackets... :um haha


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Whatever.


Interesting reaction :teeth


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Sure...this isn't Augusta National golf club, all perspectives are welcome.
> 
> Absolutely. Nice work! First date no kiss attempt?


yea i am dissapointed in my self for that. Definitely.

Edit October 23, 2013: I wasnt confident in kissing a girl yet first date


----------



## Zeeshan

Girl no.2 cancelled on me. I didnt think she was that interested anyways, plus she was 4 years older then me something i didnt like much

The date i saw on Thursday doesnt seem to be texting me anymore. When we first started texting she was non stop. perhaps she was not that interested. I know it wasnt a physical thing, but i think she wasnt attracted to my personality, however i dont know. I am not going to be overly pushy anyways.

Girl no.3 i meet tomorrow for coffee, she is the best looking of the three from her pics, plus she is excited that we are meeting up.

As i have mentioned before i am not going to attribute to anything. Just going for a good conversation and a good time. Im pretty comfortable meeting up on dates now adays, dont really get nervous or anything.

trying not to waste my Saturday being lazy.

Edit October 23, 2013: I disagree with what i said above, i think it was a number of factors, but i dont think she found me to be very cute either. Not to mention the cloths i use to wear the shoes, honestly i wouldnt have dated me then, and that is the truth. 

Me saying that it wasnt because of looks was likely just a way for me to save my own ego

The girl that stopped messeging me did so because she thought i was the same religion as her.


----------



## Garretoo

Going to ask this girl I've known for a long time to a movie, food, something a long those lines. I've been super attracted to her for years, which has made me more shy than normal being around her so I haven't actually had a lot of interaction with her. I'm thinking my mindset should be to just get to know her better, but I know my brain is going to make it more complicated than that. Last time I was rejected, and pretty much the only time, I was devastated for like a month. Hopefully it won't go down like that again, i'd like to think I learned at least a little bit from the last rejection. 

I know exposure is the key if I ever want to enter the world of relationships. I mean, exposure is the only thing that seems to work for any problems I have, that being mostly anxiety. We will see if this sparks something and motivates me to want to get out there, or I become reclusive again. I never place my bets on things working out great, and in a dating situation maybe thats for the better?


----------



## low

I just signed up to eharmony (free weekend. I wouldn't pay) and put my search preference as anywhere in the world. It couldn't find me a match. 20 million people (not sure how many of those are female though) and 0 matches.

FML =)


----------



## Zeeshan

low said:


> I just signed up to eharmony (free weekend. I wouldn't pay) and put my search preference as anywhere in the world. It couldn't find me a match. 20 million people (not sure how many of those are female though) and 0 matches.
> 
> FML =)


how is that possible. They send me 8-10 matches every single friggin day. I havent even signed up for memberships.


----------



## Zeeshan

Garretoo said:


> Going to ask this girl I've known for a long time to a movie, food, something a long those lines. I've been super attracted to her for years, which has made me more shy than normal being around her so I haven't actually had a lot of interaction with her. I'm thinking my mindset should be to just get to know her better, but I know my brain is going to make it more complicated than that. Last time I was rejected, and pretty much the only time, I was devastated for like a month. Hopefully it won't go down like that again, i'd like to think I learned at least a little bit from the last rejection.
> 
> I know exposure is the key if I ever want to enter the world of relationships. I mean, exposure is the only thing that seems to work for any problems I have, that being mostly anxiety. We will see if this sparks something and motivates me to want to get out there, or I become reclusive again. I never place my bets on things working out great, and in a dating situation maybe thats for the better?


Exposure is the only thing that works for anything


----------



## typemismatch

i put a sign outside my window

GIRLS WANTED: MUST HAVE TEETH AND NICE FEET


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Girl no.2 cancelled on me. I didnt think she was that interested anyways, plus she was 4 years older then me something i didnt like much
> 
> The date i saw on Thursday doesnt seem to be texting me anymore. When we first started texting she was non stop. perhaps she was not that interested. I know it wasnt a physical thing, but i think she wasnt attracted to my personality, however i dont know. I am not going to be overly pushy anyways.
> 
> Girl no.3 i meet tomorrow for coffee, she is the best looking of the three from her pics, plus she is excited that we are meeting up.
> 
> As i have mentioned before i am not going to attribute to anything. Just going for a good conversation and a good time. Im pretty comfortable meeting up on dates now adays, dont really get nervous or anything.
> 
> trying not to waste my Saturday being lazy.


Girls cancel sometimes. No big deal. Keep us updated man! Awesome stuff


----------



## low

Zeeshan said:


> how is that possible. They send me 8-10 matches every single friggin day. I havent even signed up for memberships.


I'm either really interesting and unique! Or totally undesireable and broken, haha.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

typemismatch said:


> i put a sign outside my window
> 
> GIRLS WANTED: MUST HAVE TEETH AND NICE FEET


I might do the same. Any reactions yet?


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Interesting reaction :teeth


Sorry, just tired of people ripping on the South, conservatism, and free association in general. You're still one of my fave posters, bro.


----------



## typemismatch

WintersTale said:


> I might do the same. Any reactions yet?


damn, i just woke up this morning and there is a big queue outside my door. they look a bit scary.. some of them don't have teeth omg, they look ready to maul me.. ima stay under the covers


----------



## Zeeshan

Okay so a lot to update on

I went on my date tonight, we had coffee then dinner. Nice girl, average looks, i wasnt that physically attracted but i became more attracted to her as the night went on. I initially thought she was someone else, and lol accidently said hi to another girl. LOL

So we met up she wanted to pay for dinner but i did. We had a good time, she is already being a bit clingy and texted me like as soon as i got home. I might persue a relationship with her, though i dont know if i want to be with her long term

However the strangest thing happend today. A girl contacted me on POF. we are talking about a 8.5 to 9. Like gorgeous. She belong to a certain sect within my religion, and i guess from my name she figured out i was the same sect, and hit on me i guess. The problem is that i am very intimidated by her. Even though we just talked on the phone for an hour (She doesnt have much experience with boys, or she let me to believe that) I dont know about her. I feel like, i am really kind of scared of looking shorter then her. By the way, i would have no chance with her in real life, i am just worried she may not be physically attracted.

anyways i told her id shower and call her again. good day for my romances i guess

Edit: This girl is way way out of my league, we are talking about the girl that just contacted me

Edit October 23, 2013: Just wanted to make a few after the fact notes on my date above. I actually regret not going further with that one girl now. Our date went really well, but i stopped messaging her and lost interest in her because of the second girl. Maybe i should have given her the second date, would have been fun


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Okay so a lot to update on
> 
> I went on my date tonight, we had coffee then dinner. Nice girl, average looks, i wasnt that physically attracted but i became more attracted to her as the night went on. I initially thought she was someone else, and lol accidently said hi to another girl. LOL
> 
> So we met up she wanted to pay for dinner but i did. We had a good time, she is already being a bit clingy and texted me like as soon as i got home. I might persue a relationship with her, though i dont know if i want to be with her long term
> 
> However the strangest thing happend today. A girl contacted me on POF. we are talking about a 8.5 to 9. Like gorgeous. She belong to a certain sect within my religion, and i guess from my name she figured out i was the same sect, and hit on me i guess. The problem is that i am very intimidated by her. Even though we just talked on the phone for an hour (She doesnt have much experience with boys, or she let me to believe that) I dont know about her. I feel like, i am really kind of scared of looking shorter then her. By the way, i would have no chance with her in real life, i am just worried she may not be physically attracted.
> 
> anyways i told her id shower and call her again. good day for my romances i guess
> 
> Edit: This girl is way way out of my league, we are talking about the girl that just contacted me


It'd be a shame if you didn't at least try to see where it goes with the girl that messaged you. You treat women you are intimidated by the same way you would a girl you aren't intimidated by. Cool to see it working well for you thus far.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I'm objectifying women like a true Alpha. :roll


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> It'd be a shame if you didn't at least try to see where it goes with the girl that messaged you. You treat women you are intimidated by the same way you would a girl you aren't intimidated by. Cool to see it working well for you thus far.


just got off the phone again. I will meet her definitely, i had to get off the phone and tell her i had to go to work tommorrow

This girl is rich too, has her own condo. Something seems off about this, i would think i was being trolled if this girl didnt spend two hours talking to me on the phone today, She doesnt have much in the way of a sense of humour though.

Lets see where things take us, i will leave tommorow to tommorrow


----------



## baseballdude

I'm still kind of in the middle of pursuing a girl. We went on a few dates before summer vacation from college started back in April. Due to us living 9 hours apart and me being unbelievably busy during the summer, I was unable to see her until this past Wednesday when we both moved back into school. The interest still seems there fortunately as I took her on a date last night. I felt like I wasn't initiating coversation enough last night, but she still said she had a great time and she seemed genuinely happy to hang out with me. 

Right now, I don't know what the next step is. We've been out a total of three times, but I felt like this last date was almost like another "first date" because we were just getting reaquainted with each other again after not seeing each other for almost four months. However, I don't want to wait too long and end up with her moving on and me being hung up to dry. I will ask her out again sometime soon and I need to start escalating things if this is going to go anywhere. 

If by some unfortunate circumstance, this situation does not work out as planned, I have learned a lot about how to lead a relationship with a woman. I learned how important it is for me to initiate and cultivate. I still have A LOT to work on, but experience really does make dating easier.


----------



## Deanna4

But remember the rule, if one go then other comes......lols
Dont run after a specific girl is she dont like you!


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> just got off the phone again. I will meet her definitely, i had to get off the phone and tell her i had to go to work tommorrow
> 
> This girl is rich too, has her own condo. Something seems off about this, i would think i was being trolled if this girl didnt spend two hours talking to me on the phone today, She doesnt have much in the way of a sense of humour though.
> 
> Lets see where things take us, i will leave tommorow to tommorrow


so continuing the story girl has been messaging me non stop for two days now. She thinks i am taller then i really am, which worries me. She is 5'8'' i am 5'6.5 around there. She thinks we are the same height

Anyways lets see where it goes


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> so continuing the story girl has been messaging me non stop for two days now. She thinks i am taller then i really am, which worries me. She is 5'8'' i am 5'6.5 around there. She thinks we are the same height
> 
> Anyways lets see where it goes


Hells yeah. Do your thang and keep us posted


----------



## Trigo

Nothing, I don't feel like trying anymore


----------



## rymo

Trigo said:


> Nothing, I don't feel like trying anymore


Why? What have you specifically been doing recently that has failed?


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Hells yeah. Do your thang and keep us posted


but obviously she will know i lied about my heigth


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> but obviously she will know i lied about my heigth


Yeah, you shouldn't of done that. It is better you tell your real height than lie about it for this reason. Because you risk a girl liking you at 5'6.5 when she finds out you lied.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, you shouldn't of done that.


lol now what. got any ideas bro

By the way the girl i had a date with i wont be seeing again till next wweek


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> lol now what. got any ideas bro
> 
> By the way the girl i had a date with i wont be seeing again till next wweek


Either way you try to break it off to her it is gonna come off as wrong. You can either tell her before you meet her or meet her and she'll find out for herself. You don't really have a good option at this point.

Idk, maybe you could text her and say, "Did I tell you I was 5'8? Sorry, I meant 5'6.5"....lol there really isn't a good way to go about it lol...but at least if she meets you still after you told her your real height then you know that isn't an issue.

EDIT*
Honestly, you're probably better off at this point just meeting her and letting her find out so you don't sound more insecure if you were to text her about it. If she says something about it in person then just say you meant to say your real height. You sent a red flag right off the bat to this girl by lying so soon. It makes you look incredibly insecure.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Either way you try to break it off to her it is gonna come off as wrong. You can either tell her before you meet her or meet her and she'll find out for herself. You don't really have a good option at this point.
> 
> Idk, maybe you could text her and say, "Did I tell you I was 5'8? Sorry, I meant 5'6.5"....lol there really isn't a good way to go about it lol...but at least if she meets you still after you told her your real height then you know that isn't an issue.
> 
> EDIT*
> Honestly, you're probably better off at this point just meeting her and letting her find out so you don't sound more insecure if you were to text her about it. If she says something about it in person then just say you meant to say your real height. You sent a red flag right off the bat to this girl by lying so soon. It makes you look incredibly insecure.


lol got any other ideas bro  just kidding well she will find out sooner or later anyways


----------



## Josh90

Nothing it's a lost cause, women want nothing to do with me.


----------



## asw12345

good news boys. i pulled my first number last night. i just hope its real


----------



## squall78

subscribed. I'm gonna take a good look at some of these resources. I've been reading up on some of these NLP and pick up books and they are great places to start!


----------



## bsd3355

Miserable failure today lol.... but gotta keep moving


----------



## Zeeshan

So continuing on with my story, I have setup a date with N on sunday. She seems very pushy, wants to come over right now basically. I figured i had to date her this weekend or she was going to go nuts. She is very attractive, not to mention rich. I wont go much into details. So obviously Sunday night we will see. However considering that we have sent like a thousand texts to each other in 3 days, I dont know. She needs a lot of attention, high maintenance type girl

S, who i went on a date with on last sunday, is going to mexico for 5 days. She had mentioned beforehand that she had a 5 day vacation planned. She wanted to see me tonight, but i told her it would be better if we get together after she comes back. Other then that the two are keeping me two busy to do anything else. my fingers hurt from texting.


----------



## Zeeshan

Bump

anywho, so In 4 days N has told me she is starting to have feelings for me. This is before i remind you we have met in person. We have a date on Sunday, and i am trying to work out the possibility in my head.

This is a very strange relationship. Over the last 4 days, we have been in contant communication meaning from first thing in the morning to night. already 2000 messages exchanged.

S on the other hand leaves for Mexico in the morning and we wont be seeing her till next week. She said she will text me as soon as she lands, and then we can start "Dating". The differences ofcourse are simple.

N is very attractive 8-9 on different scale basically if we had a relationship people would wonder how a guy like me ends up with someone like her, and rich. She is not lying. There are definitely psychological problems here i know. Not your normal girl. However regardless i cant do anything wrong to this girl. I have shared more pics, and seen about a 100 pics of her. No matter what i do, there is complete acceptance, which is weird but very addictive. 

S is of about average attraction, i still find her attractive. She is much more mature, where N is 4 years younger, S is 2 years older. So my dating of S really depends on what happens with N on Sunday. If N doesnt care that i am 2 inches shorter, then probably by the way things are looking now, she is going to be spending a large amount of time in my apartment. 

On the otherhand if things dont go well, i will be dating S next week. Gonna stay away from meeting more girls online until this is resolved obviously. Even another girl gave me her number on POF and i didnt even bother to contact her

Edit October 23, 2013: Dont even remember that girl. Damn POF. I dont know why they delete messeges after two weeks, dont even remember girl


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Bump
> 
> anywho, so In 4 days N has told me she is starting to have feelings for me. This is before i remind you we have met in person. We have a date on Sunday, and i am trying to work out the possibility in my head.
> 
> This is a very strange relationship. Over the last 4 days, we have been in contant communication meaning from first thing in the morning to night. already 2000 messages exchanged.
> 
> S on the other hand leaves for Mexico in the morning and we wont be seeing her till next week. She said she will text me as soon as she lands, and then we can start "Dating". The differences ofcourse are simple.
> 
> N is very attractive 8-9 on different scale basically if we had a relationship people would wonder how a guy like me ends up with someone like her, and rich. She is not lying. There are definitely psychological problems here i know. Not your normal girl. However regardless i cant do anything wrong to this girl. I have shared more pics, and seen about a 100 pics of her. No matter what i do, there is complete acceptance, which is weird but very addictive.
> 
> S is of about average attraction, i still find her attractive. She is much more mature, where N is 4 years younger, S is 2 years older. So my dating of S really depends on what happens with N on Sunday. If N doesnt care that i am 2 inches shorter, then probably by the way things are looking now, she is going to be spending a large amount of time in my apartment.
> 
> On the otherhand if things dont go well, i will be dating S next week. Gonna stay away from meeting more girls online until this is resolved obviously. Even another girl gave me her number on POF and i didnt even bother to contact her


Awesome! You guys make it seem so simple  The girl does sound a little needy but just as long as it is her and not you then you're all good lol. Sounds like you got everything under control


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Zeeshan said:


> Bump
> 
> anywho, so In 4 days N has told me she is starting to have feelings for me. This is before i remind you we have met in person. We have a date on Sunday, and i am trying to work out the possibility in my head.
> 
> This is a very strange relationship. Over the last 4 days, we have been in contant communication meaning from first thing in the morning to night. already 2000 messages exchanged.


As sure as the night follows the day, this will not end well. First, she's a nutjob. Second, you've probably told each other your life stories three times over in those messages, and revealing too much too soon tends to be a killer. Third, she's hot, so you won't walk away when you should.


----------



## Zeeshan

PaysageDHiver said:


> As sure as the night follows the day, this will not end well. First, she's a nutjob. Second, you've probably told each other your life stories three times over in those messages, and revealing too much too soon tends to be a killer. Third, she's hot, so you won't walk away when you should.


Maybe she is a nutjob. However maybe i want to be pampered with Attention. Why not, its not like any of the normal ones were falling for my charm

Just the mention of another girl, makes her jealous. It kind of feels good for a change i am not actually trying to make a girl fall in love with me, its the other way around. She is asking for my approval.

Edit October 23, 2013: Was a nutjob


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Awesome! You guys make it seem so simple  The girl does sound a little needy but just as long as it is her and not you then you're all good lol. Sounds like you got everything under control


I think she is misattributing a lot of properties to me.

I think i have her psychologically figured out.

When she was 5, her father leaves her mom and her for another woman, starts a new family.

Psychologically she gets damaged. She starts to view men as disloyal cant be trusted. On the other hand she grows up has her first relationship, man cheats on her. Second relationship man cheats on her.

Comes to believe that no man can be trusted. Except for a nice innocent looking guy, whose the opposite of daddy. Daddy was outgoing he is introverted. Daddy was big and tall, he is short and has an innocent face, where as daddy had rugged features.

Therefore i dont want to be hurt again, he is the guy who wont betray me.

LOL Psychoanalysis


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I think she is misattributing a lot of properties to me.
> 
> I think i have her psychologically figured out.
> 
> When she was 5, her father leaves her mom and her for another woman, starts a new family.
> 
> Psychologically she gets damaged. She starts to view men as disloyal cant be trusted. On the other hand she grows up has her first relationship, man cheats on her. Second relationship man cheats on her.
> 
> Comes to believe that no man can be trusted. Except for a nice innocent looking guy, whose the opposite of daddy. Daddy was outgoing he is introverted. Daddy was big and tall, he is short and has an innocent face, where as daddy had rugged features.
> 
> Therefore i dont want to be hurt again, he is the guy who wont betray me.
> 
> LOL Psychoanalysis


hehe yeh I tend to analyze girls every time. so fascinating to think about why someone is the way they are. though sometimes finding the motives behind why someone is into you, whether they are conscious or otherwise, can be disappointing.


----------



## Loveless

Sulking in my room. Just like I was half a decade ago. Nothing's changed and I'm not a good person so I dont deserve it. I'm selfish, hateful, borderline sociopath maybe psychopath when I'm angry. My awareness of my dark mind is what saves me. I want to be a good person do I watch soccer and be lazy. If it wasn't for watching sports and porn my life would be worthless. I want love but I'm not cut out for it. Yet. I always have fake voices telling me ill find it some day but I just laugh and say "I'm not good enough for love".


----------



## Zeeshan

Oh man....

not gonna let this thread die LOL


----------



## squall78

This happened out of the blue....

Talked to this girl I knew (not very well, just hi's and bye's throughout) and got her number to hang out. Problem is there were 2 guys around her the whole time, probably her friends. One was very close to her, touching her and all that fun stuff. She referred to both of them as friends so I'm thinking she's single. Pulled her away from the guys before I left to get the number and talked to another girl nearby so I didn't hang around like a creeper. 

One thing I'm not understanding is do guy/girl friends touch each other all the time only as friends, or is there something between these 2? 

Also this PUA stuff I've been reading up on works better then I thought. Now I'm gonna set up a time to hang out with her, but dont' know how to go about it lol.


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> This happened out of the blue....
> 
> Talked to this girl I knew (not very well, just hi's and bye's throughout) and got her number to hang out. Problem is there were 2 guys around her the whole time, probably her friends. One was very close to her, touching her and all that fun stuff. She referred to both of them as friends so I'm thinking she's single. Pulled her away from the guys before I left to get the number and talked to another girl nearby so I didn't hang around like a creeper.
> 
> One thing I'm not understanding is do guy/girl friends touch each other all the time only as friends, or is there something between these 2?
> 
> Also this PUA stuff I've been reading up on works better then I thought. Now I'm gonna set up a time to hang out with her, but dont' know how to go about it lol.


I think that if there was a relationship possibility then they would have been in one, also if they were sleeping together they wouldnt act as such. More then likely he gives her the attention, and she doesnt decline.

Some girls like to have guys hang around them to make them look desirable. I believe in PUA lingo these are referred to as Orbitors (Meaning that they always orbit around the girl, but never actually score)


----------



## Rossy

Nothing as it happens.


----------



## rymo

Went out last night with my friend for my birthday. Plan was just to have a good time, but not to squander opportunities to approach girls. So we did - though I usually led the charge. Nothing was really panning out until the last bar/club we went to. We were just walking around on the dance floor scoping out the place and then more or less started dancing next to these two cute girls. One thing led to the next and I was making out with some girl until 6 in the morning on the beach. 

I think the key move was to go for the initial kiss when we were dancing. She seemed fairly into me so at one point after talking to each other for a little bit she asked me if I was having a good birthday. I said, "Sure...but do you know what would make it even better?" And I leaned in for a kiss. She was already showing a little interest, and I was confident and bold about making a move, so even though she seemed a little taken aback at first it all worked out swimmingly.

Even though she wouldn't go for sex, this was the first time I actually "brought someone home" so to speak from a bar. I always either did the online thing or with my first gf I met her at a bar but didn't take her home the first night. Major accomplishment.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Went out last night with my friend for my birthday. Plan was just to have a good time, but not to squander opportunities to approach girls. So we did - though I usually led the charge. Nothing was really panning out until the last bar/club we went to. We were just walking around on the dance floor scoping out the place and then more or less started dancing next to these two cute girls. One thing led to the next and I was making out with some girl until 6 in the morning on the beach.
> 
> I think the key move was to go for the initial kiss when we were dancing. She seemed fairly into me so at one point after talking to each other for a little bit she asked me if I was having a good birthday. I said, "Sure...but do you know what would make it even better?" And I leaned in for a kiss. She was already showing a little interest, and I was confident and bold about making a move, so even though she seemed a little taken aback at first it all worked out swimmingly.
> 
> Even though she wouldn't go for sex, this was the first time I actually "brought someone home" so to speak from a bar. I always either did the online thing or with my first gf I met her at a bar but didn't take her home the first night. Major accomplishment.


Well-done, my friend.


----------



## Logical Paradox

All the girls I know, I don't have major feelings for, and I'm too busy hiding behind a computer screen to prevent myself from going out into the social world because it's too scary. :S


----------



## Zeeshan

Logical Paradox said:


> All the girls I know, I don't have major feelings for, and I'm too busy hiding behind a computer screen to prevent myself from going out into the social world because it's too scary. :S


you are super young, i woudnt even worry about it at this age


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Went out last night with my friend for my birthday. Plan was just to have a good time, but not to squander opportunities to approach girls. So we did - though I usually led the charge. Nothing was really panning out until the last bar/club we went to. We were just walking around on the dance floor scoping out the place and then more or less started dancing next to these two cute girls. One thing led to the next and I was making out with some girl until 6 in the morning on the beach.
> 
> I think the key move was to go for the initial kiss when we were dancing. She seemed fairly into me so at one point after talking to each other for a little bit she asked me if I was having a good birthday. I said, "Sure...but do you know what would make it even better?" And I leaned in for a kiss. She was already showing a little interest, and I was confident and bold about making a move, so even though she seemed a little taken aback at first it all worked out swimmingly.
> 
> Even though she wouldn't go for sex, this was the first time I actually "brought someone home" so to speak from a bar. I always either did the online thing or with my first gf I met her at a bar but didn't take her home the first night. Major accomplishment.


bravo


----------



## squall78

Zeeshan said:


> I think that if there was a relationship possibility then they would have been in one, also if they were sleeping together they wouldnt act as such. More then likely he gives her the attention, and she doesnt decline.
> 
> Some girls like to have guys hang around them to make them look desirable. I believe in PUA lingo these are referred to as Orbitors (Meaning that they always orbit around the girl, but never actually score)


No doubt, she initiated the conversation because I was sitting by myself and she came outside to smoke with me. One of the guys kept trying to pull her back in but they both came out by her after unsuccessfully trying so. One seems to be very into her because he kept getting close to her, and the other just tagged along. My next step I feel is to get her alone (I was thinking of a comedy club or something along those lines instead of the movies) and see where she's at. I don't even know if I want a relationship with her until I can figure out where she's at. If she's taken I can get in with her single friends anyway


----------



## Jollygoggles

Shaving my balls.

Legit plan?


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> No doubt, she initiated the conversation because I was sitting by myself and she came outside to smoke with me. One of the guys kept trying to pull her back in but they both came out by her after unsuccessfully trying so. One seems to be very into her because he kept getting close to her, and the other just tagged along. My next step I feel is to get her alone (I was thinking of a comedy club or something along those lines instead of the movies) and see where she's at. I don't even know if I want a relationship with her until I can figure out where she's at. If she's taken I can get in with her single friends anyway


I think the more you distinguish your behvaior from the guys who were around her, the more she will be into you


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I think the more you distinguish your behvaior from the guys who were around her, the more she will be into you


I think...the more he stops caring about what the competition is doing and just focuses on what he's doing to get the girl, the better chance he will have.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Jollygoggles said:


> Shaving my balls.
> 
> Legit plan?


What girl in her right mind would turn down smooth balls?


----------



## Jollygoggles

ManOfFewWords said:


> What girl in her right mind would turn down smooth balls?


Exactly.
A freshly shorn b-bag is a powerful aphrodisiac .


----------



## Zeeshan

Well my Date with N is in a couple of hours, She is very excited ofcourse, 

As i have mentioned before i lied about my heigth to her. She stands in at about 5'8"" which is what she said on her profile and later, i come in at a bit over 5'6". when she texted me and asked me i said im about 5'8""

Other then that she has seen several pics of me, and has nothing but good things to say about me, I see thing going one of three ways, and i think all probabilities are possible.

With shoes i come in at about 5'8"" (Lol i can always say i thought she meant with shoes on, lame i know) so i am hoping she wears either big heels (In which case any difference will be attributed to her heels) or Flat sandals to show her feet. In which case she will be closer to the ground LOL



1) The most likely scenerio 40 to 50%: She will ignore it, or write it off and continue on with the date. We will have a good time, and who knows where things go. it will be noted somewhere but she will not mention it, or care about it considering we are only talking an inch or two at the very very most.

2) She will notice it, and lose attraction. She will continue on with the date, and then we will lose contact. I see this as a 30-40% possibility. She will also lose trust in the relationship and wonder what else i lied about etc.....

3) She will freak out and leave right away, i see this as a 5-10% Possibility

I will report on how things went later tonight


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Well my Date with N is in a couple of hours, She is very excited ofcourse,
> 
> As i have mentioned before i lied about my heigth to her. She stands in at about 5'8"" which is what she said on her profile and later, i come in at a bit over 5'6". when she texted me and asked me i said im about 5'8""
> 
> Other then that she has seen several pics of me, and has nothing but good things to say about me, I see thing going one of three ways, and i think all probabilities are possible.
> 
> With shoes i come in at about 5'8"" (Lol i can always say i thought she meant with shoes on, lame i know) so i am hoping she wears either big heels (In which case any difference will be attributed to her heels) or Flat sandals to show her feet. In which case she will be closer to the ground LOL
> 
> 1) The most likely scenerio 40 to 50%: She will ignore it, or write it off and continue on with the date. We will have a good time, and who knows where things go. it will be noted somewhere but she will not mention it, or care about it considering we are only talking an inch or two at the very very most.
> 
> 2) She will notice it, and lose attraction. She will continue on with the date, and then we will lose contact. I see this as a 30-40% possibility. She will also lose trust in the relationship and wonder what else i lied about etc.....
> 
> 3) She will freak out and leave right away, i see this as a 5-10% Possibility
> 
> I will report on how things went later tonight


Good luck!


----------



## Jollygoggles

A number crunch before a date. That's a new one.

Men appear to lie about their height often though. Why?


----------



## huh

Because being short is a disadvantage when you're a dude. 

Anywho, I'm growing tired of trying to get another girlfriend. As much as I enjoy being ignored, I'm not sure why I keep trying. Meanwhile, the typical extroverted loud mouth douchebags will continue picking up women while I cannot.


----------



## Canucklehead

I'm doing absolutely nothing, because at my age you need to have a successful career to woo a chick.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Good luck!


So here is a breakdown of my date

I met her. With shoes on i was a half an inch taller then her, with her on sandles that were flat to the ground. Meaning that she is about 5'7'' not 5'8""

Anyhow it started with a long hug, and we were holding hands. from there it escalated after dinner to necking, to kissing, to making out. I basically touched every part of her body, and had my hands on her breasts as we were driving. I surprised myself as to how physically aggressive i was.

We spend 6 hours together, and most of it involved intense physical contact. This seriously makes me question her contention that she is inexperienced in the area. As well as her behavior leads me to believe that she is very experienced sexually. However i am not sure. Its difficult to break her down realistically.

She is in the impression that we are already in a serious relationship. Of course i did nothing to break that impression. She even referred to me as her boyfriend, and then backed off a bit. We ended the night with 2 more dates, a sushi and a movie date tomorrow, and me sleeping over at her apartment on Wednesday. Something that will surely include tons of alcohol, and probably sex.

I dont know if i see myself spending my life with this woman, for the time being, I could at least have a relationship with her then take it from there.

Edit October 23, 2013: Was a nutjob, still have fond memories of practically raping her in the Tim Hortons parking lot lol


----------



## Canucklehead

She sounds amazing.

How was her personality? What did you guys talk about?


----------



## Jollygoggles

Holy crap. Just put 2 and 2 together and realised this is the girl from the "Do you think she is psycho?" thread.

What I tell you? Didn't I tell you the sex is going to be fantastic.

Oh, you're gettin' it. You're gettin' it good.


----------



## Canucklehead

Jollygoggles said:


> Holy crap. Just put 2 and 2 together and realised this is the girl from the "Do you think she is psycho?" thread.
> 
> What I tell you? Didn't I tell you the sex is going to be fantastic.
> 
> Oh, you're gettin' it. You're gettin' it good.


Everything he mentioned in his post was physical, he never once talked about her personality.

That has me worried.


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> She sounds amazing.
> 
> How was her personality? What did you guys talk about?


To be Honest

Her personality was not so great. Poor sense of humor, we didnt connect on any particular level. We had coffee...dinner....drove around....more coffee....more driving

Conversation with her was not hard, only because most of the time was spend touching. She was wearing a low cut dress, with a low kneck line (A ****ty dress if you ask me) and i spend most of the night touching/kissing her body.

So for a personality, it aint much baby


----------



## Canucklehead

Zeeshan said:


> To be Honest
> 
> Her personality was not so great. Poor sense of humor, we didnt connect on any particular level. We had coffee...dinner....drove around....more coffee....more driving
> 
> Conversation with her was not hard, only because most of the time was spend touching. She was wearing a low cut dress, with a low kneck line (A ****ty dress if you ask me) and i spend most of the night touching/kissing her body.
> 
> So for a personality, it aint much baby


This isn't going to end well.

Get out now.


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> This isn't going to end well.
> 
> Get out now.


Can i atleast enjoy myself a bit :-(.........i really need a GF, people are starting to ask questions about me

Let me just see her for a few months, then we will cut bait.


----------



## Canucklehead

Zeeshan said:


> Can i atleast enjoy myself a bit :-(.........i really need a GF, people are starting to ask questions about me
> 
> Let me just see her for a few months, then we will cut bait.


You have a physical attraction to this chick, but you said you dont connect emotionally or intellectually at all.

I have a feeling she thinks she does to the latter two I mentioned.

(In before she says I'm going to kill myself if you leave me).


----------



## Zeeshan

Also i will be calling things of with S. I think just focusing on her is bad enough for me, i dont know if i can handle two. I just dont have it in me. While S maybe more mature, sophisticated, etc. I dont see S as a future wife anyways.

Edit October 23, 2013: I should have gone on a few more dates with S, i think she is married now, atleast her whatsapp gave that impression. Interesting she must have asked me out again, and i must have ignored her.


----------



## Jollygoggles

Have the sex.
Move on.
No big deal.


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> You have a physical attraction to this chick, but you said you dont connect emotionally or intellectually at all.
> 
> I have a feeling she thinks she does to the latter two I mentioned.
> 
> (In before she says I'm going to kill myself if you leave me).


yea......so she hurts herself. Basically i think that she will grow out of her crush on me herself. That is the feeling i get


----------



## Canucklehead

Jollygoggles said:


> Have the sex.
> Move on.
> No big deal.


No, don't do that to her.. She already sounds ****ed up enough...

How selfish of you.


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> No, don't do that to her.. She already sounds ****ed up enough...
> 
> How selfish of you.


Im not selfish, i wont hurt her. When we break up it will be her decision not mine.

when we kissed i didnt feel anything. the sensation was nice, but there was not emotion to it. Considering i have only kissed a handful off girls, and there was no emotion in any of them, i am starting to doubt whether there is anything magical about a kiss

Edit October 23, 2013: When i kissed A there was feelings, and when i kissed another ex there was at least a little, so yes feels do come with kisses


----------



## Jollygoggles

Canucklehead said:


> No, don't do that to her.. She already sounds ****ed up enough...
> 
> How selfish of you.


Oh, that's right, all women are damsels and can't enjoy a good hard **** like the rest of us.

Selfish indeed.


----------



## Canucklehead

I'm just trying to help this guy.

I've been with a chick like this that I had absolutely no emotional connection with when she did of me. Years later I realized what I did was selfish and that she deserved the truth.

Sorry if I sound like a **** or something, but I'm trying to save you a phone number change.

Is sex worth a phone number change to you?


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> I'm just trying to help this guy.
> 
> I've been with a chick like this that I had absolutely no emotional connection with when she did of me. Years later I realized what I did was selfish and that she deserved the truth.
> 
> Sorry if I sound like a **** or something, but I'm trying to save you a phone number change.
> 
> Is sex worth a phone number change to you?


no you are right

however my options are very limited right now. I just might settle for her, if she really isnt promiscuous. After all it is better to be loved then love.


----------



## Canucklehead

Zeeshan said:


> no you are right
> 
> however my options are very limited right now. I just might settle for her, if she really isnt promiscuous. After all it is better to be loved then love.


Next date you should really try to get to know her better.

Ask her about her hobbies and whatnot.

(and of course report to us all the details :boogie)


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> no you are right
> 
> however my options are very limited right now. I just might settle for her, if she really isnt promiscuous. After all it is better to be loved then love.


Settle for her...I'm not sure what that means. Do you mean you are going to be in a relationship with her? After one date you're already considering this? You say your options are limited but if you're not going to be happy what's the point? Not to mention you're totally taking advantage of her feelings. Why not just date her casually and go from there? No need to think about relationship right now.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan, you never gave us a report on the date yo


----------



## GunnyHighway

I was in a relationship until a little while ago. I was planning on working out and changing my diet for this woman right before it ended. I wanted to make myself seem more attractive, because I'm overweight and all that fun stuff. I hoped it would make our relationship better by her not being the only attractive one in the relationship.

But that's long over and I'm stuck being alone. Nobody wants to be friends with a quiet fat guy, let alone be his girlfriend. I'm trying to continue with my plan, hopefully it'll mean I can talk to a girl without her instantly running away. Or maybe they'll start talking to me...who knows.


----------



## ravens

GunnyHighway said:


> I was in a relationship until a little while ago. I was planning on working out and changing my diet for this woman right before it ended. I wanted to make myself seem more attractive, because I'm overweight and all that fun stuff. I hoped it would make our relationship better by her not being the only attractive one in the relationship.
> 
> But that's long over and I'm stuck being alone. Nobody wants to be friends with a quiet fat guy, let alone be his girlfriend. I'm trying to continue with my plan, hopefully it'll mean I can talk to a girl without her instantly running away. Or maybe they'll start talking to me...who knows.


I've never been in a relationship. I've been overweight since I was 20 years old. I've finally lost a lot of weight and I'm also lifting weights. I've never been able to talk to women at all because I'm always nervous. Maybe they'll start talking to me.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Zeeshan, you never gave us a report on the date yo


I did earlier in the thread. Anyways today was my second date with her, and it involved going further then just kissing, i havent slept with her though.....

Anyways here is a recap. She is a bit taller, but with my shoes and her wearing flat sandles, i come out a bit on top. we had a good time, lots of kissing etc. However i am kind of disturbed about something. IMO a girl that lets you practically go to 3rd base (Depending on what third base is now) on the second date, i am not sure if thats girl friend material too me. Yet given that i have not had a GF for three years now, im okay with making her my GF. I think in her eyes we are already in a relationship. Now i know what you guys are thinking, this is 2012. However considering that it was 3rd base in a park in broad daylight (No one was around but still) i have lost a lot of respect for her.

I realized something though, i dont think i could be in love with her. Its too hard. She doesnt have much of a sense of humor that i desire. Her personality isnt that great, and she is controlling as well. However as i have mentioned before, considering all thats, i still want a relationship if only for a month or two. 

I think that she will be the one who will simply grow out of her crush on me, so that is something that will likely happen. On our second date we saw a movie, (Better part of which we spend touching each other) had dinner, and then hung out at a nice park.

One of the thing that disturbs me is that she finds nothing wrong with me touching her inappropriately, infact when driving she will take my hand and place it insider her thigh or other private areas.

I will continue to update my relationship with N.

Being with her, has restored my confidence a lot due to positive re-enforcement

Edit October 23, 2013: Sexual touching is a part of healthy relationships, Getting naked in a park is not. LOL hehe i had some fun, that was fun. She had a pair on her man, 36D i think, huge and young and firm


----------



## Zeeshan

I also want to make the point that i am having the same type of experiences as Rymo earlier in the thread. 

If you look at his experiences, they are turning from getting experience to have a dating life outside of online dating, due to experience gained from Online dating. 

I feel the same way, i feel much more confident in real life now.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I did earlier in the thread. Anyways today was my second date with her, and it involved going further then just kissing, i havent slept with her though.....
> 
> Anyways here is a recap. She is a bit taller, but with my shoes and her wearing flat sandles, i come out a bit on top. we had a good time, lots of kissing etc. However i am kind of disturbed about something. IMO a girl that lets you practically go to 3rd base (Depending on what third base is now) on the second date, i am not sure if thats girl friend material too me. Yet given that i have not had a GF for three years now, im okay with making her my GF. I think in her eyes we are already in a relationship. Now i know what you guys are thinking, this is 2012. However considering that it was 3rd base in a park in broad daylight (No one was around but still) i have lost a lot of respect for her.
> 
> I realized something though, i dont think i could be in love with her. Its too hard. She doesnt have much of a sense of humor that i desire. Her personality isnt that great, and she is controlling as well. However as i have mentioned before, considering all thats, i still want a relationship if only for a month or two.
> 
> I think that she will be the one who will simply grow out of her crush on me, so that is something that will likely happen. On our second date we saw a movie, (Better part of which we spend touching each other) had dinner, and then hung out at a nice park.
> 
> One of the thing that disturbs me is that she finds nothing wrong with me touching her inappropriately, infact when driving she will take my hand and place it insider her thigh or other private areas.
> 
> I will continue to update my relationship with N.
> 
> Being with her, has restored my confidence a lot due to positive re-enforcement


Nothing wrong with a girl who wants to have sex with you. Maybe she wants to have sex with you but senses you are shy taking it all the way so she is trying to encourage you?

In any case, the last girl I was with, on the second date we had sex and she turned out to be a really awesome girl, but unlike the girl you're talking about, she didn't give me any "weird" vibes.

Go with your intuition.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I also want to make the point that i am having the same type of experiences as Rymo earlier in the thread.
> 
> If you look at his experiences, they are turning from getting experience to have a dating life outside of online dating, due to experience gained from Online dating.
> 
> I feel the same way, i feel much more confident in real life now.


Yes, validation will do that and give you confidence. If you want to get better with women then you should act on that "high" while it lasts because it can go away just as quickly. I've experienced it a lot. Right now I'm on the low-low level.

I'm in the same boat as you guys though. All my approaches are in real life any more. I am still developing the confidence and competence to feel "good" at it. I struggle at lot with inner stuff going on.


----------



## squall78

rymo said:


> I think...the more he stops caring about what the competition is doing and just focuses on what he's doing to get the girl, the better chance he will have.


Texted her yesterday to see if she wanted to hang out. No reply. Went off to hang out with some friends so I didn't feel it was a total loss. I just had to schedule the hanging out with friends so I could use that as a backup if she didn't come through.

Time to get more numbers. 1 is too much stock to put into.


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> Texted her yesterday to see if she wanted to hang out. No reply. Went off to hang out with some friends so I didn't feel it was a total loss. I just had to schedule the hanging out with friends so I could use that as a backup if she didn't come through.
> 
> Time to get more numbers. 1 is too much stock to put into.


maybe calling would have been better. Anyhow if she was interested she would have replied


----------



## bsd3355

squall78 said:


> Texted her yesterday to see if she wanted to hang out. No reply. Went off to hang out with some friends so I didn't feel it was a total loss. I just had to schedule the hanging out with friends so I could use that as a backup if she didn't come through.
> 
> Time to get more numbers. 1 is too much stock to put into.


It is good you are proactive. Keep going after your goals


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> It is good you are proactive. Keep going after your goals


Im sorry, but i truly believe if he had called her, he would have gotten a more positive result. I dont know if it had been a better

Edit October 23, 2013: I have changed my stance on this. I have learned that if a woman is attracted to you, she will find ways to be with you. Texting/Calling are irrelevant in situations where you already know the person


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Im sorry, but i truly believe if he had called her, he would have gotten a more positive result. I dont know if it had beeen a better result


I just meant in general. I don't put too much emphasis on calling or texting. I prefer to text myself but that is because I already met them in person when I got their number so I go by the initial interaction in person that determines flakes or not, not the call/text after. However, online, you'd probably be better off calling, yeah.


----------



## Brandeezy

I was hoping my job would help me get a date since very attractive women shop there but i was wrong. A new attractive co-worker started working last week and guess who she goes for? The guy I work with in my department! Smh and he already has a gf, plus he gets hit on by a female customers all the time. The other guy I worked with got invited by this hot girl (a customer) to check out this salsa eating contest she was going to participate in. Wtf? Women never flirt with me or anything at my job and i've been working there for 2 years, it's not like I don't speak either. I do get a vibe that most customers don't like me for whatever reason but **** it, I bust my *** everyday in that store and no one even notices or cares.


----------



## squall78

bwidger85 said:


> I just meant in general. I don't put too much emphasis on calling or texting. I prefer to text myself but that is because I already met them in person when I got their number so I go by the initial interaction in person that determines flakes or not, not the call/text after. However, online, you'd probably be better off calling, yeah.


Met her in person and I didn't want to make it too concrete so I sent the text, then found an alternate plan in case she didn't reply. Now it's in her court to restart something as I see her often. I'm not gonna be mad about her not texting me back but I won't go out of my way to see her.


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> Met her in person and I didn't want to make it too concrete so I sent the text, then found an alternate plan in case she didn't reply. Now it's in her court to restart something as I see her often. I'm not gonna be mad about her not texting me back but I won't go out of my way to see her.


does she even know its you

You know if you have whatsapp, you can see if she has whatsapp, and i find it might be a bit better


----------



## bsd3355

squall78 said:


> Met her in person and I didn't want to make it too concrete so I sent the text, then found an alternate plan in case she didn't reply. Now it's in her court to restart something as I see her often. I'm not gonna be mad about her not texting me back but I won't go out of my way to see her.


You did the right thing. You could probably wait a few days or something and then resend a text for another day to hang out or something and if she strikes out again then move on. It is part of the process. Totally normal. Keep doing what you are doing 

Did you send her a text with your name and remind her it was you texting?

P.S. Normally a girl will respond if she is interested, but I still give girls a two strike rule. If she doesn't respond the first time then I'll wait a few days and ask to hang out again and if she does the same then she's out and I delete her number. Literally all girls will text back if they are interested.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I was hoping my job would help me get a date since very attractive women shop there but i was wrong. A new attractive co-worker started working last week and guess who she goes for? The guy I work with in my department! Smh and he already has a gf, plus he gets hit on by a female customers all the time. The other guy I worked with got invited by this hot girl (a customer) to check out this salsa eating contest she was going to participate in. Wtf? Women never flirt with me or anything at my job and i've been working there for 2 years, it's not like I don't speak either. I do get a vibe that most customers don't like me for whatever reason but **** it, I bust my *** everyday in that store and no one even notices or cares.


Hey man..sorry to hear that. Based on your picture you seem like a cool, good looking dude, but maybe as a big black guy you come off as intimidating to some people (no racist :b)? That would be my guess, along with any other obstacles you may have relating to SA.

Let me just say though that you have a gift, my friend. When someone has a certain perception about you and then you blow away that perception in their eyes, it makes them like you that much more. For example, you are working and you take care of a customer who just so happens to be a hot chick. She seems a bit timid around you at first and you can sense that but you help her with a great big ol smile and plenty of warmth. Those initial perceptions she had are melted away and she ends up pleasantly surprised. She walks away, and there's your chance. You walk up, tell her you think she's adorable, and ask for her number.

With great power comes great responsibility - and your responsibility is to go get some!!!!!


----------



## ravens

I wish I was doing something to get a girl. I see someone I want to talk to and I get so nervous I just can't do it. I so sick of myself and how I let my anxiety get the better of me. I'll get home and think you ****ing idiot why can't you just talk to a girl. I always think next time I will talk to a girl and I never do. I also have thoughts that I'm not good enough and how she would not like me anyway. I'm sick of feeling that way.


----------



## mattigummi

I'm... being nice?


----------



## rymo

mattigummi said:


> I'm... being nice?


Example?


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Hey man..sorry to hear that. Based on your picture you seem like a cool, good looking dude, but maybe as a big black guy you come off as intimidating to some people (no racist :b)? That would be my guess, along with any other obstacles you may have relating to SA.
> 
> Let me just say though that you have a gift, my friend. When someone has a certain perception about you and then you blow away that perception in their eyes, it makes them like you that much more. For example, you are working and you take care of a customer who just so happens to be a hot chick. She seems a bit timid around you at first and you can sense that but you help her with a great big ol smile and plenty of warmth. Those initial perceptions she had are melted away and she ends up pleasantly surprised. She walks away, and there's your chance. You walk up, tell her you think she's adorable, and ask for her number.
> 
> With great power comes great responsibility - and your responsibility is to go get some!!!!!


Im only 5'6" lol but yea I think it's my race, the majority of the shoppers are hispanic and so are the workers. I'm the only black guy who works there lol


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Im only 5'6" lol but yea I think it's my race, the majority of the shoppers are hispanic and so are the workers. I'm the only black guy who works there lol


Alright well that throws my big theory out the window. Again though, if people are having a misconception about you for whatever reason and you show them you're actually a nice, cool guy, then you're at an advantage. And hell, girls like something different anyway.

I would be really curious to hear some examples of conversations you've had with female customers. I know you probably don't remember anything that specific but something tells me you are approaching things the wrong way. Have you ever actually asked for a number in the store and got rejected?


----------



## mattigummi

rymo said:


> Example?


Example? Of me being nice? Well I'm always nice, to almost everyone. I can't be douchy at all, can't stand it when people - I'm mean, when I think people - judge me. That's why I'm always the quiet nice guy. But unfortunately that doesn't get me anywhere with a girl.


----------



## rymo

mattigummi said:


> Example? Of me being nice? Well I'm always nice, to almost everyone. I can't be douchy at all, can't stand it when people - I'm mean, when I think people - judge me. That's why I'm always the quiet nice guy. But unfortunately that doesn't get me anywhere with a girl.


Okay, well I just wanted to make sure you understood that it's not you being nice that's hindering you with girls, it's the being quiet/safe thing. You can be incredibly nice and get plenty of girls. Fearing that people will interpret your comments as douchey is not you being nice - it's just plain ol fear.


----------



## mattigummi

rymo said:


> Okay, well I just wanted to make sure you understood that it's not you being nice that's hindering you with girls, it's the being quiet/safe thing. You can be incredibly nice and get plenty of girls. Fearing that people will interpret your comments as douchey is not you being nice - it's just plain ol fear.


Me being unattractive is also kinda hindering me. I started in a new school 2 weeks ago, and not once in these two weeks has anyone started a conversation with me except people (boys) I already knew from my previous school (our school system er completely different from the rest of the world, please don't make me explain it) or they needed help - Okay once it happen, but that was because her boyfriend is my friend. I'm not trying avoid conversations or anything like that, actually I'm all open for it, but it's not happening. And now you'd probably advise me to start a conversation but it's just so damn hard for me as I have no idea what to say. Like in one class, I sat between two girls, and I didn't say a bloody word to them :blank

This has had me wondering if could ever go on a date with a girl, I'd probably run out of topics after 10 minutes.


----------



## Zeeshan

mattigummi said:


> Me being unattractive is also kinda hindering me. I started in a new school 2 weeks ago, and not once in these two weeks has anyone started a conversation with me except people (boys) I already knew from my previous school (our school system er completely different from the rest of the world, please don't make me explain it) or they needed help - Okay once it happen, but that was because her boyfriend is my friend. I'm not trying avoid conversations or anything like that, actually I'm all open for it, but it's not happening. And now you'd probably advise me to start a conversation but it's just so damn hard for me as I have no idea what to say. Like in one class, I sat between two girls, and I didn't say a bloody word to them :blank
> 
> This has had me wondering if could ever go on a date with a girl, I'd probably run out of topics after 10 minutes.


you rarely need a topic with a girl...most of the time they dont stop talking


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Alright well that throws my big theory out the window. Again though, if people are having a misconception about you for whatever reason and you show them you're actually a nice, cool guy, then you're at an advantage. And hell, girls like something different anyway.
> 
> I would be really curious to hear some examples of conversations you've had with female customers. I know you probably don't remember anything that specific but something tells me you are approaching things the wrong way.* Have you ever actually asked for a number in the store and got rejected?*


Nope, I've always felt like they would reject me because I'm not Hispanic but i don't even know how i would start up a conversation after "Hello, how are you doing" because people usually give me the "I'm fine thanks" or "I'm good, how about you" then it ends there.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Learning how to synthesize Chloroform, Tinting my car windows, and stocking up on duct tape. :twisted


----------



## Zerix

ravens said:


> I wish I was doing something to get a girl. I see someone I want to talk to and I get so nervous I just can't do it. I so sick of myself and how I let my anxiety get the better of me. I'll get home and think you ****ing idiot why can't you just talk to a girl. I always think next time I will talk to a girl and I never do. I also have thoughts that I'm not good enough and how she would not like me anyway. I'm sick of feeling that way.


You're right , it is a sick feeling. It's awful not being able to have the courage, BUT, you have to take baby steps!! Do NOT think about conversation yet, just practice making eye contact first and just cracking a smile.. BELIEVE ME when I say you will get some smiles back and it'll make you feel good after.

Then, you can take it up a notch a little bit, a little tip that was given to me a long time ago (which I might start doing again for the hell of it):
Approach a girl (being friendly and smiling) and say "Hi, I'm trying an experiment to help me get rid of my fear of talking to girls that I find attractive. Thank you for participating." And walk away... but don't be shocked if the girl starts talking to YOU now 

I've been trying to work on my confidence really... I feel like I'm not good enough anymore and I keep thinking negatively, sucks.. but I randomly talked a couple up last weekend, didn't get anywhere, but at least I did... I guess gotta practice conversation skills more!


----------



## bsd3355

So today I finally ended my drought of not approaching at campus. I did some affirmations last night and addressed individual negative beliefs I had and they seemed to help. Basically, I approached 3 directly and got 2 numbers. I was going to post a video I recorded of it via my phone, and I know some of you would be interested in seeing it, but I don't really care for posting it. I guess if you really want to see it PM me or something but I just don't care to show it right now.

Basically, all I did was ask for directions to a building to get them to stop and then after they told me I said they were cute and went into conversation. I made sure to be as upbeat as possible with a smile on my face so it was reciprocated and it seemed to work well. Also, instead of thinking "is everyone going to judge me?", I thought to myself that they don't matter to me because they aren't part of my reality-type-thing 

I texted both the girls my name and thanking them for giving me direction but neither hit me back, but I'm not doubting my approach, it is simply just a part of the dating process, which is why you need to continually approach and meet girls--I'd specifically like to point that out to people who hate on guys for approaching so much--we have to do it that way because approaches don't guarantee a number; numbers don't guarantee a date; a date doesn't guarantee a connection; etc...the whole process is a number's game. It is very important to approach a lot, especially starting off, so you can play the number's game well and get a date sooner than later. This is why I practice so much, and also because I am still experience AA and I need to learn from that if I even want to consider dating again. It is very important to practice. Rejection is part of it--the whole process from approaching to dates to relationships have a decent change of rejection, but when you meet that person that likes you and you like them then it is well worth it.

Things I relearned today:
1. Positive/high energy with a smile will be reciprocated in most instances. Energy means everything and give the most results
2. Outside factors (people) are irrelevant because they have no long-lasting influence in my life whatsoever
3. Challenge individual negative thought patterns and replace them with positive but true affirmations


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> So today I finally ended my drought of not approaching at campus. I did some affirmations last night and addressed individual negative beliefs I had and they seemed to help. Basically, I approached 3 directly and got 2 numbers. I was going to post a video I recorded of it via my phone, and I know some of you would be interested in seeing it, but I don't really care for posting it. I guess if you really want to see it PM me or something but I just don't care to show it right now.
> 
> Basically, all I did was ask for directions to a building to get them to stop and then after they told me I said they were cute and went into conversation. I made sure to be as upbeat as possible with a smile on my face so it was reciprocated and it seemed to work well. Also, instead of thinking "is everyone going to judge me?", I thought to myself that they don't matter to me because they aren't part of my reality-type-thing
> 
> I texted both the girls my name and thanking them for giving me direction but neither hit me back, but I'm not doubting my approach, it is simply just a part of the dating process, which is why you need to continually approach and meet girls--I'd specifically like to point that out to people who hate on guys for approaching so much--we have to do it that way because approaches don't guarantee a number; numbers don't guarantee a date; a date doesn't guarantee a connection; etc...the whole process is a number's game. It is very important to approach a lot, especially starting off, so you can play the number's game well and get a date sooner than later. This is why I practice so much, and also because I am still experience AA and I need to learn from that if I even want to consider dating again. It is very important to practice. Rejection is part of it--the whole process from approaching to dates to relationships have a decent change of rejection, but when you meet that person that likes you and you like them then it is well worth it.
> 
> Things I relearned today:
> 1. Positive/high energy with a smile will be reciprocated in most instances. Energy means everything and give the most results
> 2. Outside factors (people) are irrelevant because they have no long-lasting influence in my life whatsoever
> 3. Challenge individual negative thought patterns and replace them with positive but true affirmations


I have the flu right now and I'm feeling like garbage, but this post gave me warm, fuzzy feelings. I mentioned in another thread or two that I have a crush on someone and this makes me feel so much better about going for it (when I'm recovered, of course).


----------



## CopadoMexicano

deconstructing what i build


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So today I finally ended my drought of not approaching at campus. I did some affirmations last night and addressed individual negative beliefs I had and they seemed to help. Basically, I approached 3 directly and got 2 numbers. I was going to post a video I recorded of it via my phone, and I know some of you would be interested in seeing it, but I don't really care for posting it. I guess if you really want to see it PM me or something but I just don't care to show it right now.
> 
> Basically, all I did was ask for directions to a building to get them to stop and then after they told me I said they were cute and went into conversation. I made sure to be as upbeat as possible with a smile on my face so it was reciprocated and it seemed to work well. Also, instead of thinking "is everyone going to judge me?", I thought to myself that they don't matter to me because they aren't part of my reality-type-thing
> 
> I texted both the girls my name and thanking them for giving me direction but neither hit me back, but I'm not doubting my approach, it is simply just a part of the dating process, which is why you need to continually approach and meet girls--I'd specifically like to point that out to people who hate on guys for approaching so much--we have to do it that way because approaches don't guarantee a number; numbers don't guarantee a date; a date doesn't guarantee a connection; etc...the whole process is a number's game. It is very important to approach a lot, especially starting off, so you can play the number's game well and get a date sooner than later. This is why I practice so much, and also because I am still experience AA and I need to learn from that if I even want to consider dating again. It is very important to practice. Rejection is part of it--the whole process from approaching to dates to relationships have a decent change of rejection, but when you meet that person that likes you and you like them then it is well worth it.
> 
> Things I relearned today:
> 1. Positive/high energy with a smile will be reciprocated in most instances. Energy means everything and give the most results
> 2. Outside factors (people) are irrelevant because they have no long-lasting influence in my life whatsoever
> 3. Challenge individual negative thought patterns and replace them with positive but true affirmations


bwidger please take my advice and start calling. Girls dont take texts seriously man, especially from strangers. You are putting in so much effort to approaching why not give calling a shot. You got the approaching game down, bro, i respect that. It takes real game to do approaches and get numbers, i just think that if you started calling like the next day instead of texting, you will see more positive results


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> bwidger please take my advice and start calling. Girls dont take texts seriously man, especially from strangers. You are putting in so much effort to approaching why not give calling a shot. You got the approaching game down, bro, i respect that. It takes real game to do approaches and get numbers, i just think that if you started calling like the next day instead of texting, you will see more positive results


I'm not going to comment on the advantage of one method over the other...but I've found that texting can be very effective a lot of times. No issues here when it comes to texting, though I do admit if it were a girl I was REALLY interested in, then I might go with a call instead.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I did earlier in the thread. Anyways today was my second date with her, and it involved going further then just kissing, i havent slept with her though.....
> 
> Anyways here is a recap. She is a bit taller, but with my shoes and her wearing flat sandles, i come out a bit on top. we had a good time, lots of kissing etc. However i am kind of disturbed about something. IMO a girl that lets you practically go to 3rd base (Depending on what third base is now) on the second date, i am not sure if thats girl friend material too me. Yet given that i have not had a GF for three years now, im okay with making her my GF. I think in her eyes we are already in a relationship. Now i know what you guys are thinking, this is 2012. However considering that it was 3rd base in a park in broad daylight (No one was around but still) i have lost a lot of respect for her.
> 
> I realized something though, i dont think i could be in love with her. Its too hard. She doesnt have much of a sense of humor that i desire. Her personality isnt that great, and she is controlling as well. However as i have mentioned before, considering all thats, i still want a relationship if only for a month or two.
> 
> I think that she will be the one who will simply grow out of her crush on me, so that is something that will likely happen. On our second date we saw a movie, (Better part of which we spend touching each other) had dinner, and then hung out at a nice park.
> 
> One of the thing that disturbs me is that she finds nothing wrong with me touching her inappropriately, infact when driving she will take my hand and place it insider her thigh or other private areas.
> 
> I will continue to update my relationship with N.
> 
> Being with her, has restored my confidence a lot due to positive re-enforcement


So continuin with my story, I am now intimate with N. Though i did something really stupid, while intimate, i whispered i love you. Like i dont know it just came out. I think i meant to say something else

I googled it up and apparently many men have made this error. Well guess what, she didnt forget after, and said i love you back. Now i feel bad, She is telling me things like i would die for you etc.....its only been like 3 or 4 dates together.

Its not that i dont like her, there are things about her i dont like. One thing in particular is her sense of humor. There is none, and she is already being a bit controlling (Changing my wardrobe, stocking my kitchen with groceries)

So when S texted me today, i told her that i had met someone. I will continue to see N and see where things go. I guess i have a girl now, though i might start a thread called what are you doing to get the girl of your dreams LOl

One of the issues is that she has changed how i feel about myself through the positive re-enforcement. However at the same time, this has made me feel capable of going after some girls that i liked more then just the physical attraction. Like i think i could approach a girl i liked now but i would feel so guilty...Its Ambivelence


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I'm not going to comment on the advantage of one method over the other...but I've found that texting can be very effective a lot of times. No issues here when it comes to texting, though I do admit if it were a girl I was REALLY interested in, then I might go with a call instead.


I think the issue is related to attention. Texting allows a choice. It allows a girl to decide not to text you back. Calling will most likely result in her picking up the phone. You have her attention, and a window, if you can get a conversation going for 10-15 minutes you are in.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I think the issue is related to attention. Texting allows a choice. It allows a girl to decide not to text you back. Calling will most likely result in her picking up the phone. You have her attention, and a window, if you can get a conversation going for 10-15 minutes you are in.


On the flip side the obvious advantage of texting is that you can plan out what you're going to say. Talking on the phone is incredibly nervewracking and you have a higher chance of screwing things up.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> On the flip side the obvious advantage of texting is that you can plan out what you're going to say. Talking on the phone is incredibly nervewracking and you have a higher chance of screwing things up.


But wouldnt you agree that this would be no different then learning to approach. The more you do it the better you get at it. Therefore you should learn to talk to women on the phone?


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> But wouldnt you agree that this would be no different then learning to approach. The more you do it the better you get at it. Therefore you should learn to talk to women on the phone?


Yes. Absolutely. Having the texting alternative makes the process in general easier, but it can be seen as a crutch. Unfortunately, for me anyway, the phone is the devil


----------



## phoenixwright

What's third base? A blowjob? She gave you a blowjob in broad daylight on the second date? lol.

Honestly though, if a girl gave me a blowjob on a second date, I wouldn't think "oh I've lost respect for her", I'd think "she really likes me ." I'm not down with this whole ****-shaming thing. If I'm ok with receiving the blowjob, why should I shame her for it? This is coming from a guy who has had sex on a first date so yea. It's not my preference to really go this fast. I prefer things moved slower to build up a comfort level.

I have to admit that Zeeshan's story gives me some courage to get back out there. Where did you meet the girl? POF? I have barely approached women online and offline due to my shyness. But I guess it's a numbers game. You keep trying and eventually some girl is going to give you a bj in a park in broad daylight on a second date. lol.


----------



## srschirm

phoenixwright said:


> Honestly though, if a girl gave me a blowjob on a second date, I wouldn't think "oh I've lost respect for her", I'd think "she really likes me ."


That's how I feel, too.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> So today I finally ended my drought of not approaching at campus. I did some affirmations last night and addressed individual negative beliefs I had and they seemed to help. Basically, I approached 3 directly and got 2 numbers. I was going to post a video I recorded of it via my phone, and I know some of you would be interested in seeing it, but I don't really care for posting it. I guess if you really want to see it PM me or something but I just don't care to show it right now.
> 
> Basically, all I did was ask for directions to a building to get them to stop and then after they told me I said they were cute and went into conversation. I made sure to be as upbeat as possible with a smile on my face so it was reciprocated and it seemed to work well. Also, instead of thinking "is everyone going to judge me?", I thought to myself that they don't matter to me because they aren't part of my reality-type-thing
> 
> I texted both the girls my name and thanking them for giving me direction but neither hit me back, but I'm not doubting my approach, it is simply just a part of the dating process, which is why you need to continually approach and meet girls--I'd specifically like to point that out to people who hate on guys for approaching so much--we have to do it that way because approaches don't guarantee a number; numbers don't guarantee a date; a date doesn't guarantee a connection; etc...the whole process is a number's game. It is very important to approach a lot, especially starting off, so you can play the number's game well and get a date sooner than later. This is why I practice so much, and also because I am still experience AA and I need to learn from that if I even want to consider dating again. It is very important to practice. Rejection is part of it--the whole process from approaching to dates to relationships have a decent change of rejection, but when you meet that person that likes you and you like them then it is well worth it.
> 
> Things I relearned today:
> 1. Positive/high energy with a smile will be reciprocated in most instances. Energy means everything and give the most results
> 2. Outside factors (people) are irrelevant because they have no long-lasting influence in my life whatsoever
> 3. Challenge individual negative thought patterns and replace them with positive but true affirmations


Good job man. It is indeed a numbers game in many ways. How often do you get "buying signals?" By that I mean signals that women are into you before you approach? With me it's hard to say, because I suck at making (and especially maintaining) eye contact. The signals aren't always easy to read. I'm sure I've gotten some before, but have never acted on them. How do you feel upon rejection now? Do you realize it's not the end of the world?


----------



## ravens

phoenixwright said:


> Honestly though, if a girl gave me a blowjob on a second date, I wouldn't think "oh I've lost respect for her", I'd think "she really likes me ."


I would feel the same way. I've never had a girl give me a blowjob. It's something that I've always wondered what it would be like to have a girl do that.

I've never done anything sexual with a girl. Sometimes I think what the **** is wrong with me.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> So continuin with my story, I am now intimate with N. Though i did something really stupid, while intimate, i whispered *i love you*. Like i dont know it just came out. I think i meant to say something else


-_-

*shakes head*


----------



## CourtneyB

You told her you loved her??? Oh sh*t. :no


----------



## pineapplebun

Zeeshan said:


> So continuin with my story, I am now intimate with N. Though i did something really stupid, while intimate, i whispered i love you. Like i dont know it just came out. I think i meant to say something else
> 
> I googled it up and apparently many men have made this error. Well guess what, she didnt forget after, and said i love you back. Now i feel bad, She is telling me things like i would die for you etc.....its only been like 3 or 4 dates together.
> 
> Its not that i dont like her, there are things about her i dont like. One thing in particular is her sense of humor. There is none, and she is already being a bit controlling (Changing my wardrobe, stocking my kitchen with groceries)


LOL @ you saying I love you. She was already coming onto you quite intensely before you two even met, then you make it worse by being intimate and saying that. Poor girl, you're like messing with her head. Of course she's not going to forget it, if anything now she might cling on harder and she's already really controlling. And considering this girls view of men cause of her past, it seems like a horrible idea to keep this going on much longer, especially since it seems she only serves to boost your self-esteem. Poor girl is already psychologically damaged from previous relationships and father and she clings onto you so tightly. Mmm...yeah I don't see this ending well.


----------



## Gurosan

Nothing, and that might be reason apart from being totally ugly why i had no GFs...
But i don't really care about sex and love have forsakened me anyway along with passion. I still like to cook and pretty much struggle with my day to day life despite that.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think the issue is related to attention. Texting allows a choice. It allows a girl to decide not to text you back. Calling will most likely result in her picking up the phone. You have her attention, and a window, if you can get a conversation going for 10-15 minutes you are in.


You have a point. Ill give calling a try from now on and if they dont answer ill leave a message. Thanks for the tip. The thing i like about texting is i can do it wherever and whenever i want

Btw, i think you dropping one of those girls was a mistake


----------



## bsd3355

pineapplebun said:


> LOL @ you saying I love you. She was already coming onto you quite intensely before you two even met, then you make it worse by being intimate and saying that. Poor girl, you're like messing with her head. Of course she's not going to forget it, if anything now she might cling on harder and she's already really controlling. And considering this girls view of men cause of her past, it seems like a horrible idea to keep this going on much longer, especially since it seems she only serves to boost your self-esteem. Poor girl is already psychologically damaged from previous relationships and father and she clings onto you so tightly. Mmm...yeah I don't see this ending well.


I agree. She is too insecure and you are too inexperienced so itll be a hard thing to deal with but it's doable


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> But wouldnt you agree that this would be no different then learning to approach. The more you do it the better you get at it. Therefore you should learn to talk to women on the phone?


I am confident with conversation so talking on the phone doesnt bother me. My biggest problem is approach anxiety. If i can get confident with that ill be in real good shape. I have overcome phone conversations because of online dating, but real life approaching is different from online. I wish i would of started with real life approaching than online because id most likely be good at it by now but instead i started online which explains my present approach anxiety


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Good job man. It is indeed a numbers game in many ways. How often do you get "buying signals?" By that I mean signals that women are into you before you approach? With me it's hard to say, because I suck at making (and especially maintaining) eye contact. The signals aren't always easy to read. I'm sure I've gotten some before, but have never acted on them. How do you feel upon rejection now? Do you realize it's not the end of the world?


Thanks. I don't really care about "buying signals" because I'm going to approach who I want regardless. If I were to wait for signals I'd be waiting a long, long time--most men would. Plus, passive-aggressive behavior is the position most females play in courting, which means if a man is to take a women's role then there would be no man to lead the interaction and move things forward. Some women are aggressive on their approach and contact, but I have yet EVER met a woman who ultimately wants to be in total control. It seems most women would rather dump a guy for not playing the aggressive role, and I used to get dumped a lot when I was younger because of that--women would approach me in high school but later dump me because they expected me to take lead and I didn't. Buying signals are a good thing for men but I would not use them as an excuse to approach. I don't focus on signals before I approach, whether the signals are from me or not; I approach anyway. Focusing on signals is something women mainly focus on because they can afford to be passive-aggressive because it works for them. Men have little use for them unless to gain confidence before an approach, but even then the signals could be misrepresented. Forget about buying signals, they are a waste of energy thinking about.

When I thought rejection was an abnormal thing it would bother me but I've found that rejection is very, very common for men if they play an aggressive stance in seeking dating/relationships. Knowing this, that rejection is a common thing, makes me feel better about it, and I also feel better about it because I am beginning to realize I can minimize rejection to a degree by being confident courting, but not by much. However, the biggest reason why rejection doesn't hurt me as much is because I know persistence pays off and it is only a matter of time before you get what you want. The more you understand about rejection from experiencing it the more you see how common it is and the more successful dates/relationships you have the more you realize how they are easily obtainable IF you are persistent and go about it with a lack of outcome during the process (something I am working on--approach anxiety is being too attached to the outcome negatively). The closest analogy I can respresent the dating world is like sales--you get rejected a **** ton but the payoff is greater than the rejection. And like sales, you shouldn't take the process too seriously or else you'll crumble.

Btw, ask me the difference between dating sites like POF and real life and that brings up a whole other personal opinion and approach lol... POF isn't worth it to me. The rejection rate is amazing considering the competition. In real life there is far less competition which makes it more or less fair for men. The higher the competition the picker the selectors (women) are, even if they themselves aren't all that-it's a human tendency. People may argue that online has an equal blance of men and women, so then how can I say it is more competitive online? The reason is because most men DO NOT cold-approach in real life, but online even shy guys approach so the girl is getting much, much more canidates to choose from. This is why it is good for people like me to learn real life approach skills, because it lowers the competition dramatically for me and levels the playing field the way it should be.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> -_-
> 
> *shakes head*


I think it's very easy to accidentally blurt out those words when intimate with someone. Like an unconscious reaction. Sex is a very intimate experience.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I think it's very easy to accidentally blurt out those words when intimate with someone. Like an unconscious reaction. Sex is a very intimate experience.


Maybe if it's your first time or you've been with someone for a while. Other than that, no excuse IMO


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Maybe if it's your first time or you've been with someone for a while. Other than that, no excuse IMO


well i did it, and there aint no going back on it either

I am in a full fledge relationship mean while i cant get this other girl, lets call her A, out of my mind. I am going to text her today, to see if she responds to me.

anyways as for N, i am her boyfriend but what can i do. N thinks i am the perfect guy, but she doesnt have a sense of humor, at least not the type i have......i am hoping A responds, i really want her to. I will keep updated

Meanwhile i am supposed to spend night at N's place tommorrow but i think i will come up with an excuse to avoid it. I feel terrible, but i guess my life is at that stage now

i dont see being with N the worst thing in life, i just wonder if i can be with the type of girl i wanted


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> well i did it, and there aint no going back on it either
> 
> I am in a full fledge relationship mean while i cant get this other girl, lets call her A, out of my mind. I am going to text her today, to see if she responds to me.
> 
> anyways as for N, i am her boyfriend but what can i do. N thinks i am the perfect guy, but she doesnt have a sense of humor, at least not the type i have......i am hoping A responds, i really want her to. I will keep updated
> 
> Meanwhile i am supposed to spend night at N's place tommorrow but i think i will come up with an excuse to avoid it. I feel terrible, but i guess my life is at that stage now
> 
> i dont see being with N the worst thing in life, i just wonder if i can be with the type of girl i wanted.


ya never know what can happen but usually if you are getting bad vibes already it probably won't work out. but good luck anyway and good job with what you've done these last few weeks!


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> well i did it, and there aint no going back on it either
> 
> I am in a full fledge relationship mean while i cant get this other girl, lets call her A, out of my mind. I am going to text her today, to see if she responds to me.
> 
> anyways as for N, i am her boyfriend but what can i do. N thinks i am the perfect guy, but she doesnt have a sense of humor, at least not the type i have......i am hoping A responds, i really want her to. I will keep updated
> 
> Meanwhile i am supposed to spend night at N's place tommorrow but i think i will come up with an excuse to avoid it. I feel terrible, but i guess my life is at that stage now
> 
> i dont see being with N the worst thing in life, i just wonder if i can be with the type of girl i wanted.


You're in a relationship with someone you don't want to be in a relationship with (also, after less than a week??? damn..). That sounds like a recipe for disaster if I've ever heard one.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> You're in a relationship with someone you don't want to be in a relationship with (also, after less than a week??? damn..). That sounds like a recipe for disaster if I've ever heard one.


..which is why he shouldn't of dumped the other girl so quickly unless he wanted to in the first place. putting all your eggs in one bad basket is asking to start back at zero--unless you want to start over with new girls?

taking things slow is sometimes a good thing unless you know it wouldn't work out anyway. so quick to jump the gun can often be a bad thing. but it's all good i guess


----------



## Quinn the Eskimo

Ive kind of always had a problem with rejection, even if it was really small

Like if a girl had a boyfriend and said maybe things between me and her would work in the future, instead of remaining her friend and keeping that possibility open, I would be hurt inside and give up on her

Or for example, if a girl just wanted to get to know me better before making some kind of commitment (kissing, sex, relationship..) I would often give up

If a girl showed any kind of sign of not thinking I was awesome and wanted me at all, I would be offended

This kind of attitude is wrong, so that's what I'm doing to get a girl, changing my attitude and trying to treat girls with respect and value them without them giving me something in return


----------



## leobaez123

im too stupid to even have the balls to talk to one:/


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> You're in a relationship with someone you don't want to be in a relationship with (also, after less than a week??? damn..). That sounds like a recipe for disaster if I've ever heard one.


yea its complicated but considering its the most action i have gotten in three years i will take it

A didnt respond to my text, telling her i had feelings for her, meanwhile N wont leave me alone and cant understand why i need some space


----------



## Canucklehead

So did you go on a second date with her yet?


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways A is trying to fake like she is in a relationship....after i texted her that i had feelings for her, she texted me back that she is seeing someone....i texted her that she belongs with me

On the other hand the GF N is worried why i didnt accept her call. She feels bad and wants to know what she has done wrong. I just didnt talk to her.

I guess its good to have girl problems instead of no girl problems

Edit October 23, 2013: Lol so a year later, A and I talked about this. She is like why didnt you ask about my boyfriend, because when i started seeing her again, i didnt ask about her BF. 

So i said oh yea what happend, and she is like i dont want to talk about it. LOL so she is comfortable telling me her darkest secrets, and about the guy she divorced but not about this ex. More like there was no ex, and she made it up. and she thought that i knew that she lied


----------



## Ramon

I take daily showers. Does not help I can tell you that.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways A is trying to fake like she is in a relationship....after i texted her that i had feelings for her, she texted me back that she is seeing someone....i texted her that she belongs with me
> 
> On the other hand the GF N is worried why i didnt accept her call. She feels bad and wants to know what she has done wrong. I just didnt talk to her.
> 
> I guess its good to have girl problems instead of no girl problems


I broke further down and told A that we belong together. She keeps texting me back telling me how i didnt find her attractive. I told her im sorry but i can control myself. There is a force deep inside me that keeps telling me that we belong together

Meanwhile N has become very obedient. I guess she wants to be a good GF and do everything i tell her to. What a fantasy come true

I dont even want to check my phone


----------



## Quinn the Eskimo

Zeeshan said:


> I broke further down and told A that we belong together. She keeps texting me back telling me how i didnt find her attractive. I told her im sorry but i can control myself. There is a force deep inside me that keeps telling me that we belong together
> 
> Meanwhile N has become very obedient. I guess she wants to be a good GF and do everything i tell her to. What a fantasy come true
> 
> I dont even want to check my phone


lol playa playaaa

wait so the first girl is telling you that you didnt find her attractive? whats that all about?


----------



## Zeeshan

Quinn the Eskimo said:


> lol playa playaaa
> 
> wait so the first girl is telling you that you didnt find her attractive? whats that all about?


Because i told her i didnt find her attractive when we were meeting up, due to her being a little overweight

So i told A that i will wait for her today at our meeting spot, and if she doesnt come i will know for sure. She already told me that she wont, but i told her i will wait there, and she can come if she wants

If A doesnt come i am going to N's place after to stay for the night


----------



## phoenixwright

So N is hotter than A but N be crazy and A is normal right? I'd have to at the very least find a woman attractive in order to have a relationship with her. I'd probably keep banging the hot, crazy girl until **** gets way too real and then leave. Crazy girls are no good but if she's hot, I wouldn't be able to resist. I'm weak. Just don't ever go bareback with her and keep the used condom away from her. She could purposely try to get pregnant in a last ditch effort to trap you foreva! Crazy, attractive women are very good at manipulating men.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Crazy, attractive women are very good at manipulating men.


Yeah, weak and insecure men. Men who aren't insecure aren't so gullible.


----------



## jimity

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, weak and insecure men. Men who aren't insecure aren't so gullible.


Unless those insecure men are so sensitive to rejection they won't ever come out of their shell.


----------



## Peter Attis

Canucklehead said:


> No, don't do that to her.. She already sounds ****ed up enough...
> 
> How selfish of you.


Watch out, we got a white knight over here.


----------



## bsd3355

jimity said:


> Unless those insecure men are so sensitive to rejection they won't ever come out of their shell.


This isn't true. Shyness is a choice. I personally think insecurity is also a choice unless you simply don't know any better. I get insecure a lot sometimes but I always work towards it and sometimes overcome the insecurity and other times subdue it. Everyone here who challenges themselves to meet women are in essence controlling their shyness to a degree and overcoming it. Everyone feels shy/insecure, but those who act anyway despite of it are the ones who see the transformations.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> This isn't true. Shyness is a choice. I personally think insecurity is also a choice unless you simply don't know any better. I get insecure a lot sometimes but I always work towards it and sometimes overcome the insecurity and other times subdue it. Everyone here who challenges themselves to meet women are in essence controlling their shyness to a degree and overcoming it. Everyone feels shy/insecure, but those who act anyway despite of it are the ones who see the transformations.


Telling a person with SA that insecurity is a choice is like telling a meth addict that their meth addiction is a choice. You can't will yourself to change overnight. It is very hard to get over insecurity. It's very overpowering. When I hear people laughing in public, I instinctively think they must be laughing at me. You can't just "pull yourself up by the boot straps" to deal with that. It's hard to approach women when you assume that you're a target for ridicule or assume that women see you as a boy rather than a man. And then when you receive negative feedback from women (ie. my episode with the 33 year old woman who ripped me apart on that date almost a couple months ago), it just reinforces the negative beliefs.

While I find myself doing a lot more socially within the past year (at least once a week, but I've been finding myself going out two, three, four times a week quite often), I find that doing so burns me out. I think I'm naturally introverted. When I go out there and do more social things so that I can seem more interesting to the opposite sex, I feel like a faker. I really don't care all that much to go out. I'm content with just staying at home. I want a girlfriend because I need that particular type of companionship in my life. But I'm not terribly interested in hanging out with friends. I want to go back to my old life where I'd just stay at home watching tv/movies/anime, play videogames and read books/manga. But that isn't going to get me closer to finding a quality girlfriend. So I fake it and do all these social things that just end up draining me at the end of the day.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Telling a person with SA that insecurity is a choice is like telling a meth addict that their meth addiction is a choice. You can't will yourself to change overnight. It is very hard to get over insecurity. It's very overpowering. When I hear people laughing in public, I instinctively think they must be laughing at me. You can't just "pull yourself up by the boot straps" to deal with that. It's hard to approach women when you assume that you're a target for ridicule or assume that women see you as a boy rather than a man. And then when you receive negative feedback from women (ie. my episode with the 33 year old woman who ripped me apart on that date almost a couple months ago), it just reinforces the negative beliefs.
> 
> While I find myself doing a lot more socially within the past year (at least once a week, but I've been finding myself going out two, three, four times a week quite often), I find that doing so burns me out. I think I'm naturally introverted. When I go out there and do more social things so that I can seem more interesting to the opposite sex, I feel like a faker. I really don't care all that much to go out. I'm content with just staying at home. I want a girlfriend because I need that particular type of companionship in my life. But I'm not terribly interested in hanging out with friends. I want to go back to my old life where I'd just stay at home watching tv/movies/anime, play videogames and read books/manga. But that isn't going to get me closer to finding a quality girlfriend. So I fake it and do all these social things that just end up draining me at the end of the day.


I never said it was easy. You're right, somethings some people can't control. But i personally believe most people can overcome negative thought patterns. It can be much more difficult for some and many need a mentor but it is doable


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I never said it was easy. You're right, somethings some people can't control. But i personally believe most people can overcome negative thought patterns. It can be much more difficult for some and many need a mentor but it is doable


I download a hypnosis program for being confident around women, around March. I listened to it about 3 times a day for more then a month. I thought it didnt do anything but thinking back to it i think it did, considering the positive changes in my life.

I still have that program planning to listen to it again 3 times a day. If anyone else is interested let me know and i will share it


----------



## stoolie

I'm also 26 and never had a girlfriend. I had the guts to tell a girl I met a work, that I think she's cute and we watched a few movies at my place. But after the last time we met and cuddled on the couch until 1 am (THE best experience I had, I think it's even better than actual sex), she went silent and rarely contacted me for 6 weeks. In the end she sent a message telling me that she doesn't want a relationship right now and wanted to be alone.

I was really discombobulated that she stopped contact after that night and us talking until 3am on so many occasions before.

Now I think that the hardest part isn't the asking out part, but that I find a girl I like on a psychological and physiological level.


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> I'm also 26 and never had a girlfriend. I had the guts to tell a girl I met a work, that I think she's cute and we watched a few movies at my place. But after the last time we met and cuddled on the couch until 1 am (THE best experience I had, I think it's even better than actual sex), she went silent and rarely contacted me for 6 weeks. In the end she sent a message telling me that she doesn't want a relationship right now and wanted to be alone.
> 
> I was really discombobulated that she stopped contact after that night and us talking until 3am on so many occasions before.
> 
> Now I think that the hardest part isn't the asking out part, but that I find a girl I like on a psychological and physiological level.


I believe she cut off contact with you because you didnt make a sexual move on your part. Did you at least try to kiss her?


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> I'm also 26 and never had a girlfriend. I had the guts to tell a girl I met a work, that I think she's cute and we watched a few movies at my place. But after the last time we met and cuddled on the couch until 1 am (THE best experience I had, I think it's even better than actual sex), she went silent and rarely contacted me for 6 weeks. In the end she sent a message telling me that she doesn't want a relationship right now and wanted to be alone.
> 
> I was really discombobulated that she stopped contact after that night and us talking until 3am on so many occasions before.
> 
> Now I think that the hardest part isn't the asking out part, but that I find a girl I like on a psychological and physiological level.


Physiological? :sus


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Physiological? :sus


By that I mean her character and personality.


----------



## flagg lives

nothing right now, maybe one day. hopefully soon..

i'm too embarrassed and I have no confidence. which is frustrating because I recognize that these are my main problems, but it's hard to do something about it. 

i think i'd be a great person if someone actually got to know me for once. no one seems interested.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

I thought this thread was going to be titled: what are you doing to get laid..:duck


----------



## baseballdude

baseballdude said:


> I'm still kind of in the middle of pursuing a girl. We went on a few dates before summer vacation from college started back in April. Due to us living 9 hours apart and me being unbelievably busy during the summer, I was unable to see her until this past Wednesday when we both moved back into school. The interest still seems there fortunately as I took her on a date last night. I felt like I wasn't initiating coversation enough last night, but she still said she had a great time and she seemed genuinely happy to hang out with me.
> 
> Right now, I don't know what the next step is. We've been out a total of three times, but I felt like this last date was almost like another "first date" because we were just getting reaquainted with each other again after not seeing each other for almost four months. However, I don't want to wait too long and end up with her moving on and me being hung up to dry. I will ask her out again sometime soon and I need to start escalating things if this is going to go anywhere.
> 
> If by some unfortunate circumstance, this situation does not work out as planned, I have learned a lot about how to lead a relationship with a woman. I learned how important it is for me to initiate and cultivate. I still have A LOT to work on, but experience really does make dating easier.


Update on this situation. I asked this girl to go to an amusement park with me and she excitedly said yes. I asked her last Tuesday and we agreed to go on Friday. The next day (Wednesday), she texted me wanting to talk to me in person. This made me very worried, I was thinking a "friend zone" speech would be coming. However, she told me about a bunch of stuff going on in her life and she felt unwilling to pursue a relationship with me at the moment, BUT she would be willing to do so when all the crap in her life is over. I told her straight up that I had feelings for her and ultimately wanted to pursue her, she said she also has feelings for me! :clap The only thing is she wants to take things slow, so she invited a group to come along to the amusement park with us, which I agreed with.

We went to the amusement park on Friday. I was a little nervous at first, because I felt like I was on my way to the dreaded "friend zone." However, she pretty much exclusively hung out with me the entire evening despite other people being there. We also escalted things physically between us (cuddling, hand holding, etc.). It was a great night! :clap I hope it keeps up. We both established to each other that we are interested in each other, now we are just taking pressure off going on dates and hanging out in casual settings, which I really enjoy.

So overall, things seem to be going great!


----------



## rymo

baseballdude said:


> Update on this situation. I asked this girl to go to an amusement park with me and she excitedly said yes. I asked her last Tuesday and we agreed to go on Friday. The next day (Wednesday), she texted me wanting to talk to me in person. This made me very worried, I was thinking a "friend zone" speech would be coming. However, she told me about a bunch of stuff going on in her life and she felt unwilling to pursue a relationship with me at the moment, BUT she would be willing to do so when all the crap in her life is over. I told her straight up that I had feelings for her and ultimately wanted to pursue her, she said she also has feelings for me! :clap The only thing is she wants to take things slow, so she invited a group to come along to the amusement park with us, which I agreed with.
> 
> We went to the amusement park on Friday. I was a little nervous at first, because I felt like I was on my way to the dreaded "friend zone." However, she pretty much exclusively hung out with me the entire evening despite other people being there. We also escalted things physically between us (cuddling, hand holding, etc.). It was a great night! :clap I hope it keeps up. We both established to each other that we are interested in each other, now we are just taking pressure off going on dates and hanging out in casual settings, which I really enjoy.
> 
> So overall, things seem to be going great!


Nice dude! All signs point to kisssssss next time!


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Nice dude! All signs point to kisssssss next time!


yes i agree 100 percent

I promise him, he is in the kiss or loser her zone right now

There is a moment in each attraction where the kiss has to come, if it doesnt the relationship wont take place

Please kiss her, its not that hard


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> yes i agree 100 percent
> 
> I promise him, he is in the kiss or loser her zone right now
> 
> There is a moment in each attraction where the kiss has to come, if it doesnt the relationship wont take place
> 
> Please kiss her, its not that hard


Call me a sappy romantic but honestly I don't think I would mind being in a situation where things progressed slowly towards kissing and sex (not just for the sake of it. There has to be this buildup of rapport, chemistry, connection, emotions, etc). So as long as it led to that point. Maybe I've been watching too many love stories in Japanese pop culture (anime, videogames, visual novels) where there is typically a lot of build up before just kissing, let alone sex (though often times it leads to sex right after the first kiss. Particularly in visual novels anyway). I had a lengthy online relationship (not something I recommend because this doesn't always work out) with my first serious girlfriend before we met.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Call me a sappy romantic but honestly I don't think I would mind being in a situation where things progressed slowly towards kissing and sex (not just for the sake of it. There has to be this buildup of rapport, chemistry, connection, emotions, etc). So as long as it led to that point. Maybe I've been watching too many love stories in Japanese pop culture (anime, videogames, visual novels) where there is typically a lot of build up before just kissing, let alone sex (though often times it leads to sex right after the first kiss. Particularly in visual novels anyway). I had a lengthy online relationship (not something I recommend because this doesn't always work out) with my first serious girlfriend before we met.


I think the kissing barrier is the most important barrier in a relationship, because kissing = relationship.

If you look at most friend zone stories they are the result of the man not making his move.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

Zeeshan said:


> I broke further down and told A that we belong together. She keeps texting me back telling me how i didnt find her attractive. I told her im sorry but i can control myself. There is a force deep inside me that keeps telling me that we belong together
> 
> Meanwhile N has become very obedient. I guess she wants to be a good GF and do everything i tell her to. What a fantasy come true
> 
> I dont even want to check my phone


Totally not okay. Using and manipulating other people for your own benefit is a horrible thing to do and should not be congratulated by other members. This is wrong on so many levels and makes other guys on this site look bad.


----------



## Immereinsam

Trying OkCupid....and finding that all women attracted to me live halfway across the world.


----------



## bsd3355

Got two numbers today walking around campus (click link to read about it)


----------



## rymo

I just deleted my OkCupid and POF accounts. I feel that I'm ready to move on from the online dating world. It was an excellent tool that brought me much success in terms of dating experience, but ultimately I don't feel like it will allow me to meet the girl of my dreams. Not to mention, constantly browsing is a HUGE time-sink and now that I feel confident approaching in real life AND I'm not so impatient that I want to just date anyone and everyone, I don't feel the need to use those sites anymore. I won't say anything bad about them or their potential, it's just not for me anymore. I'm at a place where I want to focus on my career, working out, and socializing in general - not specifically meeting girls. That will always be a focus of mine, but I don't want it to dominate my life. The next stage of my dating life (and social life period, lol) begins now!!!!!!!


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Gonna buy a plane ticket and go to Chicago to be with her, because I like her that much.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Got two numbers today walking around campus (click link to read about it)


Excellent post! I agree with everything you said and I recommend others read it. Actually, one thing you said that I disagree with is that you are almost done learning. You can never learn enough, even the masters learn and improve  This can be applied to most any subject or facet of life, really.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I just deleted my OkCupid and POF accounts. I feel that I'm ready to move on from the online dating world. It was an excellent tool that brought me much success in terms of dating experience, but ultimately I don't feel like it will allow me to meet the girl of my dreams. Not to mention, constantly browsing is a HUGE time-sink and now that I feel confident approaching in real life AND I'm not so impatient that I want to just date anyone and everyone, I don't feel the need to use those sites anymore. I won't say anything bad about them or their potential, it's just not for me anymore. I'm at a place where I want to focus on my career, working out, and socializing in general - not specifically meeting girls. That will always be a focus of mine, but I don't want it to dominate my life. The next stage of my dating life (and social life period, lol) begins now!!!!!!!


Ahhhh hellz yah....

Looking forward to hearing about it


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Excellent post! I agree with everything you said and I recommend others read it. Actually, one thing you said that I disagree with is that you are almost done learning. You can never learn enough, even the masters learn and improve  This can be applied to most any subject or facet of life, really.


Idk, you are probably right, and I understand what you mean.

The process has always been straight-forward:

1. You see a girl you'd like to meet
2. You approach/talk to her
3. You ask for number or date

That is the process, but it is all the "inner" stuff people need to work on that is the biggest challenge. To that I would say a few things I already mentioned in the link IF you are having a hard time:

1. No excuses

......

That's about it 

Obviously, you have to understand it is a number's game with total randomness sometimes that is beyond your control. You also have to trust the process when the inevitable rejections come, which is hard sometimes.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Idk, you are probably right, and I understand what you mean.
> 
> The process has always been straight-forward:
> 
> 1. You see a girl you'd like to meet
> 2. You approach/talk to her
> 3. You ask for number or date
> 
> That is the process, but it is all the "inner" stuff people need to work on that is the biggest challenge. To that I would say a few things I already mentioned in the link IF you are having a hard time:
> 
> 1. No excuses
> 
> ......
> 
> That's about it
> 
> Obviously, you have to understand it is a number's game with total randomness sometimes that is beyond your control. You also have to trust the process when the inevitable rejections come, which is hard sometimes.


well its good to hear you are making progress,

I too want to approach a girl in real life at a campus very soon.


----------



## huh

Well, I went on a date yesterday. It went alright. But again with the person being completely different looking from their online pictures and not being honest about their weight. The problem seems to be that I can't get average looking women to go out with me. I'd consider my standards pretty low compared to most guys. I care about a lot more things than just looks anyhow. But it would be an interesting change to go out with someone I'm physically attracted to from the start.

I think a lot of my issues stem from my poor self-confidence/self-image.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> Well, I went on a date yesterday. It went alright. But again with the person being completely different looking from their online pictures and not being honest about their weight. The problem seems to be that I can't get average looking women to go out with me. I'd consider my standards pretty low compared to most guys. I care about a lot more things than just looks anyhow. But it would be an interesting change to go out with someone I'm physically attracted to from the start.
> 
> I think a lot of my issues stem from my poor self-confidence/self-image.


This is a gigantic problem with online dating. What can you do though?


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> Well, I went on a date yesterday. It went alright. But again with the person being completely different looking from their online pictures and not being honest about their weight. The problem seems to be that I can't get average looking women to go out with me. I'd consider my standards pretty low compared to most guys. I care about a lot more things than just looks anyhow. But it would be an interesting change to go out with someone I'm physically attracted to from the start.
> 
> I think a lot of my issues stem from my poor self-confidence/self-image.


I experienced the same thing online dating. Try real life


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> well its good to hear you are making progress,
> 
> I too want to approach a girl in real life at a campus very soon.


Let me know if you decide to. I'd like to hear


----------



## huh

bwidger85 said:


> I experienced the same thing online dating. Try real life


Where? I'm not interested in bars/drinking and I think sports are boring. I'm not sure how to just randomly meet someone and ask them out. That's why I use online dating, I have no idea how/where to approach women otherwise.


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> Where? I'm not interested in bars/drinking and I think sports are boring. I'm not sure how to just randomly meet someone and ask them out. That's why I use online dating, I have no idea how/where to approach women otherwise.


anywhere. as for how, start with simplepickup on youtube for examples.


----------



## Andre

huh said:


> Where? I'm not interested in bars/drinking and I think sports are boring. I'm not sure how to just randomly meet someone and ask them out. That's why I use online dating, I have no idea how/where to approach women otherwise.


I've wondered the same thing. I think you're supposed to have a group of friends who challenge you to talk to women you wouldn't dare approach while alone.


----------



## Andre

What if I'm alone? Is it normal to chat with a woman while doing errands and stuff? I'm afraid of being creepy.


----------



## Andre

Thanks, I'll check out simple pickup


----------



## estse

What am I doing to get a GF? Whoring on Craigslist, of course.


----------



## rymo

Rufus said:


> What if I'm alone? Is it normal to chat with a woman while doing errands and stuff? I'm afraid of being creepy.


Let me give you two scenarios. You walk into a grocery store and you see a very attractive girl that you want to talk to.

In scenario 1, you eye her from afar, waiting for the perfect opportunity to approach. You think about exactly what you want to say, and hope that she will be receptive. You hope and you hope because, after all, you don't want to seem creepy. All of a sudden you notice that while you were overanalyzing the situation she has caught you staring at her and is quickly walking in the opposite direction. You never approach.

In scenario 2, as soon as you see the girl you walk right up to her and say, "Can you believe how fresh the food is here?" and point to the moldy tomatoes nearby. She smiles and you say, "Actually I just thought you were adorable so I had to suspend my extremely important ice cream run to talk to you. Hi, I'm XXXXX." *shake hands*

So, which scenario do you think is creepier? Scenario 1 is the SA way. You want to avoid that option from now on. Even if she doesn't catch you creeping, you will not have approached and therefore will have accomplished nothing. In scenario 2, even if it turns out you don't have the best rapport with the girl, it's not like she's going to care. At worst she'll think you have balls for approaching so directly. At worst you will never see her again and thus her opinions about you don't matter. This fear of coming off as creepy is irrelevant not only because it just doesn't happen like that if you approach with confidence, but also because what she thinks has no bearing on who you are as a person. You don't know her. Not yet anyway


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> Where? I'm not interested in bars/drinking and I think sports are boring. I'm not sure how to just randomly meet someone and ask them out. That's why I use online dating, I have no idea how/where to approach women otherwise.


This is exactly why guys need practice, and it pisses me off when it is our role in society and some people shun upon it... go figure...

Do some research and when you come up with some ideas post them here or experiment.

Three steps:

1. See a girl you like
2. Go talk to the girl (try to build rapport)
3. Ask for number or date

There is no "right" place. Meet them everywhere (the grocery store, the mall, school, work, friends, sports, bars/clubs, the bus stop, subway sandwiches [lol])--it's doesn't matter where.

You'll find lots and lots of information online and on youtube. Just look for it.


----------



## bsd3355

Rufus said:


> What if I'm alone? Is it normal to chat with a woman while doing errands and stuff? I'm afraid of being creepy.


Our society EXPECTS us to meet women anywhere and everywhere. It is our role as men! It will not be creepy if you are cordial. Creepy is when you stalk girls or stare for 5 minutes and not approach. Non-creepy is when you are a normal-nice guy who approaches and talks about w/e and/or asks for numbers or dates.


----------



## GameGuy

The best and most honest answer I can give is:

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

Why? Because Im not good enough for any of the girls where I live. And I don't mean that I don't have faith in myself, no. Where I live, there's mostly mexican girls who just want to hurry up and get pregnant with 5 kids so they can apply for welfare before they even get out of highschool. So, when I say Im not good enough for the girls 'round here, I really mean they're not good enough for me.


----------



## phoenixwright

I have a big issue with being afraid of "appearing creepy" to women as well. But I think I'm not as afraid as I used to be and made some progress there.

I find that the more you gain experience with women, the less you worry about that sort of thing. My biggest fear is that a girl is going to think I'm a creeper or at least a loser and then say something that would hurt my self-esteem and confirm the negative beliefs that I had about myself. 

But you know what? After you go through that exact experience, you realize that the type of girl who would treat you like that is a ***** anyway. If a girl is nice, she will not treat you that way unless you are being an *******.

I'm sure some users will be offended when I say this but it has been my personal experience that women who are interested in casual sex tend to be *****es (not all of them are). So I've taken a break from seeking casual sex. They tend to have insanely inflated egos (even the ones who are unattractive) because it's so easy for them to get sex compared to a guy and they are very demanding (ie. obese women on hookup sites saying they want a guy with a hard body and a 8" thick one. Give me a break. lol Even if the girl is not quite obese but clearly has excess weight, I still think it's ridiculous that they have such high standards.) The problem is that men lack self-respect and will have sex with just about anyone with a vagina. But women are not like that at all. Most don't even want casual sex period. This creates a very inequitable skew in the casual sex scene. If you want a level playing field, you need to look for a relationship) I'm not joking. Unless they are escorts (and even then, many of them are nasty. Even after you pay them. But I find that the ones who are well-reviewed and have a good reputation are at the very least outwardly nice and professional with their clients). This is why I don't specifically search for casual sex anymore and find it more productive to look for relationships.

PUAs paint women to look like *****es. And considering the type of women that PUA want to get with, I would say they are generally right (about the women they seek). But I don't think all women are like that. The majority of women are probably reasonable. There are going to be a lot of girls who are going to be cruel to you. But not every woman is going to be like that. Not every woman is going to think you're a creeper or loser at the drop of a hat. The women who think like that are the women I don't even want anyway. Being a ***** is an automatic turn-off.


----------



## bsd3355

GameGuy said:


> The best and most honest answer I can give is:
> 
> ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
> 
> Why? Because Im not good enough for any of the girls where I live. And I don't mean that I don't have faith in myself, no. Where I live, there's mostly mexican girls who just want to hurry up and get pregnant with 5 kids so they can apply for welfare before they even get out of highschool. So, when I say Im not good enough for the girls 'round here, I really mean they're not good enough for me.


Wtf?


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I have a big issue with being afraid of "appearing creepy" to women as well. But I think I'm not as afraid as I used to be and made some progress there.
> 
> I find that the more you gain experience with women, the less you worry about that sort of thing. My biggest fear is that a girl is going to think I'm a creeper or at least a loser and then say something that would hurt my self-esteem and confirm the negative beliefs that I had about myself.
> 
> But you know what? After you go through that exact experience, you realize that the type of girl who would treat you like that is a ***** anyway. If a girl is nice, she will not treat you that way unless you are being an *******.
> 
> I'm sure some users will be offended when I say this but it has been my personal experience that women who are interested in casual sex tend to be *****es (not all of them are). So I've taken a break from seeking casual sex. They tend to have insanely inflated egos (even the ones who are unattractive) because it's so easy for them to get sex compared to a guy and they are very demanding (ie. obese women on hookup sites saying they want a guy with a hard body and a 8" thick one. Give me a break. lol Even if the girl is not quite obese but clearly has excess weight, I still think it's ridiculous that they have such high standards.) The problem is that men lack self-respect and will have sex with just about anyone with a vagina. But women are not like that at all. Most don't even want casual sex period. This creates a very inequitable skew in the casual sex scene. If you want a level playing field, you need to look for a relationship) I'm not joking. Unless they are escorts (and even then, many of them are nasty. Even after you pay them. But I find that the ones who are well-reviewed and have a good reputation are at the very least outwardly nice and professional with their clients). This is why I don't specifically search for casual sex anymore and find it more productive to look for relationships.
> 
> PUAs paint women to look like *****es. And considering the type of women that PUA want to get with, I would say they are generally right (about the women they seek). But I don't think all women are like that. The majority of women are probably reasonable. There are going to be a lot of girls who are going to be cruel to you. But not every woman is going to be like that. Not every woman is going to think you're a creeper or loser at the drop of a hat. The women who think like that are the women I don't even want anyway. Being a ***** is an automatic turn-off.


You make lots of generalizations but i agree on a few topics. Treat women you approach like a friend. Yes, no need to be an *******. There is no secrete to it. You just have to work up the nerve. No manipulations needed


----------



## baseballdude

baseballdude said:


> Update on this situation. I asked this girl to go to an amusement park with me and she excitedly said yes. I asked her last Tuesday and we agreed to go on Friday. The next day (Wednesday), she texted me wanting to talk to me in person. This made me very worried, I was thinking a "friend zone" speech would be coming. However, she told me about a bunch of stuff going on in her life and she felt unwilling to pursue a relationship with me at the moment, BUT she would be willing to do so when all the crap in her life is over. I told her straight up that I had feelings for her and ultimately wanted to pursue her, she said she also has feelings for me! :clap The only thing is she wants to take things slow, so she invited a group to come along to the amusement park with us, which I agreed with.
> 
> We went to the amusement park on Friday. I was a little nervous at first, because I felt like I was on my way to the dreaded "friend zone." However, she pretty much exclusively hung out with me the entire evening despite other people being there. We also escalted things physically between us (cuddling, hand holding, etc.). It was a great night! :clap I hope it keeps up. We both established to each other that we are interested in each other, now we are just taking pressure off going on dates and hanging out in casual settings, which I really enjoy.
> 
> So overall, things seem to be going great!


Update: I got some pretty bad news. Last night, this girl came over to my apartment and told me she was leaving our college for the year. She is dealing with a bunch of issues that I won't list out saving her privacy, so she is going back home to northern California for counseling and for peace of mind. She won't be available through any means of contact as she cut off her cell phone, email, facebook, etc. She is getting the help that she needs, and I respect that.

There is nothing much I can do now, she is gone...just like that. It is unrealistic for me to wait out a whole year until she comes back next fall to my school. Right now, I have been going through a grieving process. It hurts losing someone that I had been so close and intimate with. While I may see her again in the future, things will be different. Who knows what it is going to be like a year from now.

Going forward, I plan on keeping my options open. I understand that I am going to be hurting for the next several weeks, maybe months, but I have to move forward and continue do what I need to do. I am probably not going to be looking for a relationship for a little bit, and let myself go through the grief process. Maybe someone will come along in the next week, maybe in four months, maybe in eight months, who knows. I just got to keep living my life to the fullest.


----------



## rdrr

bwidger85 said:


> Our society EXPECTS us to meet women anywhere and everywhere. It is our role as men! It will not be creepy if you are cordial. Creepy is when you stalk girls or stare for 5 minutes and not approach. Non-creepy is when you are a normal-nice guy who approaches and talks about w/e and/or asks for numbers or dates.


This thing that gets me, is, you approach someone and talk about "w/e" when its really all bs (you just find them physically attractive) and all you want is to spend some time with the person and see if they are able to put up with more of your bs, and if they find your looks/personality attractive enough, you can spend more time with them (dating/relationship).

It is exhausting to just do that, over and over, and from my experience most strangers in public here are so focused on what they're doing they don't want to be annoyed or bothered. Of course these feelings change if it is someone who they find attractive approaching them.

I'd imagine most men in general have some fear of rejection, which limits their confidence to approach, and compound that with SA, and insecurities/low self worth and self esteem, how is someone going to be up to this task?

Even if you have the confidence, you can approach and approach, and try and try, but from experiences you figure out you are someone who is not what one is looking for, or interested in, what can you do?

I am not saying to 'not try and give up', but "picking up someone" is not an easy task for anyone, SA or not. There are individual factors for each person and the environment they reside in, which lead to the results they achieve.

Attempting to be social in an environment you can thrive and finding your niche in a social group in my opinion is the best way to meet new people, romantic interests included.

This website is an example of a place where people (for the most part) have the ability to get together online with similar interests and within a niche environment can bond and be successful in romantic pursuits.


----------



## shindoable

What i did: got her number, asked to do something together on sms. met her at home, ate alittle. played in her room, like joking, reading a manga out loud (she laughed soo much) after awhile i started to talk to a plushie and confessed using it. like talking to it and meaning what i said to her. thats how i got that woman


----------



## indigo999

Nothing, I'd get called a freak, weird, strange and creepy if I try to approach a girl due to my nerves and shyness just like the guy in that other post. Women want men to do all the work and always approach them first with jokes,charm etc but if he is a gibbering wreck or doesn't do it right he is then a creepy weirdo who freaks them out. Bit of a problem since I dont have any confidence to begin with.


----------



## Zeeshan

I was at walmart today, saw a really cute cashier, couldnt take my eyes of off her as i was checking out with another cashier. She was gorgeous just my type too, and i think i could have picked her up.

but i wouldnt know what to say at all. I think like look at the situation, its seems impossible. Also i wouldnt have time to establish any sort of a connection.

I have actually talked to strange girls before, a few at different times. However i am 28 now, and so if i am going to do anything like this it has to be now. 

i would have no idea what to do


----------



## worldcitizen

GameGuy said:


> ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!


...and hope to keep it that way for the rest of my pathetic little life.


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> anywhere. as for how, start with simplepickup on youtube for examples.


I guess that presupposes I go somewhere besides work and my apartment, hah :teeth Anywho, I refuse to resort to pickup artist junk.



Rufus said:


> I've wondered the same thing. I think you're supposed to have a group of friends who challenge you to talk to women you wouldn't dare approach while alone.


Yeah, that would definitely be the easier way to do it. If you have a group of friends you're more likely to go out to different places and meet new people, making it more likely to meet someone. Too bad making friends seems just as difficult as getting a girlfriend for me.



bwidger85 said:


> This is exactly why guys need practice, and it pisses me off when it is our role in society and some people shun upon it... go figure...
> 
> Do some research and when you come up with some ideas post them here or experiment.
> 
> Three steps:
> 
> 1. See a girl you like
> 2. Go talk to the girl (try to build rapport)
> 3. Ask for number or date
> 
> There is no "right" place. Meet them everywhere (the grocery store, the mall, school, work, friends, sports, bars/clubs, the bus stop, subway sandwiches [lol])--it's doesn't matter where.
> 
> You'll find lots and lots of information online and on youtube. Just look for it.


To me it just seems really unnatural to just randomly go up to people like this, start a conversation somehow, and ask for a number or a date. I kind of wonder how common it is that a relationship starts out this way, and the likelihood of it actually being successful, versus meeting someone due to a shared common interest/through friends or a group, or some other such thing.


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> 1. I guess that presupposes I go somewhere besides work and my apartment, hah :teeth Anywho, I refuse to resort to pickup artist junk.
> 
> 2. To me it just seems really unnatural to just randomly go up to people like this, start a conversation somehow, and ask for a number or a date. I kind of wonder how common it is that a relationship starts out this way, and the likelihood of it actually being successful, versus meeting someone due to a shared common interest/through friends or a group, or some other such thing.


1. Simplepickup is not pickup artist junk, they promote being yourself and pushing your personal boundaries, not resorting to pick up lines or lame techniques. Please don't be so closeminded and not give something a chance, especially when what you're doing is not producing results. There's always room to learn. This recommendation comes from personal experience (i.e. being a 24 year old virgin and then working my *** off to be able to talk to girls). You're making my eye twitch right now...giving me a conniption.

2. Unnatural. Weird. Strange. What's weirder? Sitting at home doing nothing or talking to girls? Get some fire in your gut (and your nuts), drop all the excuses, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION!!!!!!!


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I was at walmart today, saw a really cute cashier, couldnt take my eyes of off her as i was checking out with another cashier. She was gorgeous just my type too, and i think i could have picked her up.
> 
> but i wouldnt know what to say at all. I think like look at the situation, its seems impossible. Also i wouldnt have time to establish any sort of a connection.
> 
> I have actually talked to strange girls before, a few at different times. However i am 28 now, and so if i am going to do anything like this it has to be now.
> 
> i would have no idea what to do


when i go to stores i like to use situational/observational openers that can then transition into a conversation...

with the cashier you could of said, "How's your day going today?"..."Busy day today?"....when she responds take what she says and transition into further conversation... the problem guys have is they think girls wouldn't want to talk in instance like this, but you'd be surprised...get a little talk going and then tell her you think she's cute and you'd like to get her number or take her out sometime...

limiting beliefs:
-people don't want to talk in "X" situations
-people aren't going to be receptive
-i have to say something perfect (_say anything!_)
-you can't get a number/date off limited/pressured situations

Goals:
-Opener
-A little bit of friendly positive conversation
-Tell her you thought she was pretty and you'd like to talk her out sometime or ask for her number

I can hear it now, "Oh, that's lame dude! Don't do that!".... but you can say anything as long as you talk to her and get her number, the rest is how you decide to deliver it.


----------



## bsd3355

rdrr said:


> This thing that gets me, is, you approach someone and talk about "w/e" when its really all bs (you just find them physically attractive) and all you want is to spend some time with the person and see if they are able to put up with more of your bs, and if they find your looks/personality attractive enough, you can spend more time with them (dating/relationship).
> 
> It is exhausting to just do that, over and over, and from my experience most strangers in public here are so focused on what they're doing they don't want to be annoyed or bothered. Of course these feelings change if it is someone who they find attractive approaching them.
> 
> I'd imagine most men in general have some fear of rejection, which limits their confidence to approach, and compound that with SA, and insecurities/low self worth and self esteem, how is someone going to be up to this task?
> 
> Even if you have the confidence, you can approach and approach, and try and try, but from experiences you figure out you are someone who is not what one is looking for, or interested in, what can you do?
> 
> I am not saying to 'not try and give up', but "picking up someone" is not an easy task for anyone, SA or not. There are individual factors for each person and the environment they reside in, which lead to the results they achieve.
> 
> Attempting to be social in an environment you can thrive and finding your niche in a social group in my opinion is the best way to meet new people, romantic interests included.
> 
> This website is an example of a place where people (for the most part) have the ability to get together online with similar interests and within a niche environment can bond and be successful in romantic pursuits.


I can totally understand what you're saying, but some food for thought:

Personally, I don't like doing niches or social circle relationships because I see it as a lot of work to first develop one and then HOPEFULLY get lucky and find someone who you MIGHT connect with on some RANDOM day/encounter that is set up via your group.

So that is a small piece of the pie compared to MEETING GIRLS EVERYWHERE ELSE.

Not only can you meet girls in social circles, which are small, but you can meet them....

1. Stores
2. Colleges
3. Parties
4. Bars/clubs
5. Libraries
6. Parks
7. Concerts/events
8. Food places
9. In traffic in your car
....etc...etc...etc...

So you are basically opening up 90% more options to meet women when you learn to cold-approach properly without going through the chance meeting of meeting through a social circle. Instead, you can go anywhere at anytime and run into a girl to date via meeting strangers out and about (cold-approach).

No doubt it can be taxing on people to do random approaches but there are things to lower that energy output--like knowing where to go that is crowded (colleges, bars/clubs, shopping centers at peak times, etc). Also, when you understand that there is little needed to be done via the process (see the girl, walk over and talk to her briefly, ask for number), when you get comfortable doing this it seems to be better than chance meetings and energy output is less.

Also, from what I've encountered, real life is much, much better than online, mainly because of high competition, and it levels the playing field in real life making it much more realistic. You also reduce your chances by only using social circles to meet girls (say with a social circle it'd be 10% of opportunity verses 90% via approaching everywhere else).

People see it from a lack of confidence viewpoint. But imagine what it'd be like if your confidence was really high from doing it enough in real life? You think it'd seem so daunting then? No, it's probably be extremely fun and effortless. I am beginning to see the transition.

I do understand the frustration after rejection after rejection though. It is STILL better than most instances because you are increasing your chances in so many ways in my personal opinion IF you learn to control your inner-state.


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> To me it just seems really unnatural to just randomly go up to people like this, start a conversation somehow, and ask for a number or a date. I kind of wonder how common it is that a relationship starts out this way, and the likelihood of it actually being successful, versus meeting someone due to a shared common interest/through friends or a group, or some other such thing.


It happens a lot. It happened to me once earlier this year--6 months dating that girl before she moved--and it's about to happen again as I have 2 dates set up this weekend from getting two numbers walking around campus yesterday. That, and, an old friend of mine (girl) I dated briefly, of whom I met also this year, wants to hang out as well soon.

Oh yeah....

And there was another girl I met at campus walking around this year. But I ended up not liking her that way....

And all this happened this year.... this year was the year I started doing real life approaches....

Yeah, Idk if this stuff works man.... 

YES IT WORKS! If you don't believe me I have videos to prove it on my phone!

Oh yeah, and there was another girl I met earlier this year walking around campus.... she acted weird on the first date and that didn't work out....

hm....

This is only the beginning for me. And don't think I have it easy. It comes hard to me sometimes. And also don't think I'm a "player" because most those girl I met, we did not work for reasons BEYOND me cold-approaching.

The reason why you think it is hard or abnormal is because most people don't have the BALLS to do it because they think like you do (not saying you don't have balls)....all i'm saying is social conditioning often lies....

_If you need proof PM me and Ill send you my videos I recorded of my cold-approaching at campus._


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> 1. Simplepickup is not pickup artist junk, they promote being yourself and pushing your personal boundaries, not resorting to pick up lines or lame techniques. Please don't be so closeminded and not give something a chance, especially when what you're doing is not producing results. There's always room to learn. This recommendation comes from personal experience (i.e. being a 24 year old virgin and then working my *** off to be able to talk to girls). You're making my eye twitch right now...giving me a conniption.
> 
> 2. Unnatural. Weird. Strange. What's weirder? Sitting at home doing nothing or talking to girls? Get some fire in your gut (and your nuts), drop all the excuses, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION!!!!!!!


Right.

And what I don't get is how people think you CAN'T have a normal conversation with a stranger!?

Get rid of the idea that you can't talk to women wherever you go and have conversations. Yes, some won't want to talk, but if you fix your approach and your energy upon approach it is almost natural people respond positively to you! This is why it is hard for people starting off but gets easier the more comfortable you feel doing it because you come off as a social/CONFIDENT guy who does what he wants, when he wants, and women respond to that!


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Right.
> 
> And what I don't get is how people think you CAN'T have a normal conversation with a stranger!?
> 
> Get rid of the idea that you can't talk to women wherever you go and have conversations. Yes, some won't want to talk, but if you fix your approach and your energy upon approach it is almost natural people respond positively to you! This is why it is hard for people starting off but gets easier the more comfortable you feel doing it because you come off as a social/CONFIDENT guy who does what he wants, when he wants, and women respond to that!


Exactly. I came off overly strong in my post but it drives me crazy because it reminds me of how I was...always making excuses. I still do - we all do - but now instead of succumbing to those negative, irrational thoughts I just squash them immediately and move on. Does it always produce incredible, amazing results? No, but sometimes it does, and for those times it becomes MORE than worth it.

In fact, if you think about it, how would any girl in their right mind be creeped out by a guy coming up to them with a big smile and complimenting them, asking them about their day, joking around with them..? There's just no way. I watched a simplepickup video the other day where they had one of their 'students' approaching three cute girls. He was overweight, had a somewhat high-pitched voice, and wasn't the best looking guy in the world. But he talked to them with a smile, with confidence, and didn't back down. He just kept at it and he ended up with a phone number. Did it necessarily lead to anything? Who the hell knows? But he's expanding his social circle and *putting himself out there*, and that is going to lead to OPPORTUNITIES. Friend-making opportunities. Romantic opportunities. Career opportunities. *Happiness* opportunities.


----------



## rdrr

bwidger85 said:


> I can totally understand what you're saying, but some food for thought:
> 
> Personally, I don't like doing niches or social circle relationships because I see it as a lot of work to first develop one and then HOPEFULLY get lucky and find someone who you MIGHT connect with on some RANDOM day/encounter that is set up via your group.
> 
> So that is a small piece of the pie compared to MEETING GIRLS EVERYWHERE ELSE.
> 
> Not only can you meet girls in social circles, which are small, but you can meet them....
> 
> 1. Stores
> 2. Colleges
> 3. Parties
> 4. Bars/clubs
> 5. Libraries
> 6. Parks
> 7. Concerts/events
> 8. Food places
> 9. In traffic in your car
> ....etc...etc...etc...
> 
> So you are basically opening up 90% more options to meet women when you learn to cold-approach properly without going through the chance meeting of meeting through a social circle. Instead, you can go anywhere at anytime and run into a girl to date via meeting strangers out and about (cold-approach).
> 
> No doubt it can be taxing on people to do random approaches but there are things to lower that energy output--like knowing where to go that is crowded (colleges, bars/clubs, shopping centers at peak times, etc). Also, when you understand that there is little needed to be done via the process (see the girl, walk over and talk to her briefly, ask for number), when you get comfortable doing this it seems to be better than chance meetings and energy output is less.
> 
> Also, from what I've encountered, real life is much, much better than online, mainly because of high competition, and it levels the playing field in real life making it much more realistic. You also reduce your chances by only using social circles to meet girls (say with a social circle it'd be 10% of opportunity verses 90% via approaching everywhere else).
> 
> People see it from a lack of confidence viewpoint. But imagine what it'd be like if your confidence was really high from doing it enough in real life? You think it'd seem so daunting then? No, it's probably be extremely fun and effortless. I am beginning to see the transition.
> 
> I do understand the frustration after rejection after rejection though. It is STILL better than most instances because you are increasing your chances in so many ways in my personal opinion IF you learn to control your inner-state.


What I meant by niche was interests and hobbies that you have that are social where there is an opportunity to approach someone for conversation easier because there is a base to chat about. You mentioned many places where this can occur.

I wonder though, do girls want to be cold approached by guys? The only reason I can think of as to why someone would be interested in someone using this method of 'meeting' someone would be based off physical attraction moreso than personality. Sure, there has to be some basic physical attraction for the person, but if that isn't your strong suit, why bring it to the forefront using this method, and play from behind, so to speak?

How much of a spiel can you spin to get a girl's number? All the smooth talk in the world cannot change someone's opinions of your looks once they are made.

I'd say the whole 'pickup' thing is for people who are confident in their personality and appearance enough to talk to someone and display those traits outwardly enough for them to be possibly interested. Sure practice makes perfect, and you can watch all the 'pickup' youtube videos in the world, I just don't know if the work you must put in, especially having social anxiety (depending on severity) is worth it for everyone.


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> Right.
> 
> And what I don't get is how people think you CAN'T have a normal conversation with a stranger!?
> 
> Get rid of the idea that you can't talk to women wherever you go and have conversations. Yes, some won't want to talk, but if you fix your approach and your energy upon approach it is almost natural people respond positively to you! This is why it is hard for people starting off but gets easier the more comfortable you feel doing it because you come off as a social/CONFIDENT guy who does what he wants, when he wants, and women respond to that!


What percentage do you get numbers from? And of those what percentage turn into a date? I kind of do a similar thing with cats. I'm very desperate for feline affection and whenever I see one I attempt to pet it but my success rate isn't that great. Probably 70% run away.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> What percentage do you get numbers from? And of those what percentage turn into a date? I kind of do a similar thing with cats. I'm very desperate for feline affection and whenever I see one I attempt to pet it but my success rate isn't that great. Probably 70% run away.


Maybe you should stroke it harder next time. Don't be a pu$$y

Why do you people insist on hating? Does what I do bother you?

And if "success rate" is to be accounted for, it beats online by a landslide


----------



## rymo

rdrr said:


> What I meant by niche was interests and hobbies that you have that are social where there is an opportunity to approach someone for conversation easier because there is a base to chat about. You mentioned many places where this can occur.
> 
> I wonder though, do girls want to be cold approached by guys? The only reason I can think of as to why someone would be interested in someone using this method of 'meeting' someone would be based off physical attraction moreso than personality. Sure, there has to be some basic physical attraction for the person, but *if that isn't your strong suit*, why bring it to the forefront using this method, and play from behind, so to speak?
> 
> How much of a spiel can you spin to get a girl's number? All the smooth talk in the world cannot change someone's opinions of your looks once they are made.
> 
> I'd say the whole 'pickup' thing is for people who are confident in their personality and appearance enough to talk to someone and display those traits outwardly enough for them to be possibly interested. Sure practice makes perfect, and you can watch all the 'pickup' youtube videos in the world, I just don't know if the work you must put in, especially having social anxiety (depending on severity) is worth it for everyone.


Why wouldn't it be worth it? As far as I'm concerned, if you're not happy with your current social situation, than doing whatever it takes to improve it is absolutely worth it.

I just mentioned a video I saw of an unattractive guy getting a phone number. The simplepickup guys mentioned at the end of the video that that same guy ended up making out with a random girl in a bar that same weekend. That was the first time he ever made out with a girl just by going out, and one of his first times hooking up with a girl period. All from just being himself, approaching with confidence, and pushing past all of the mental obstacles he was putting up for himself.

When I was first trying this (and by this I mean trying to be a normal human being), I had never hooked up with a girl. I was so nervous I was sweating bullets. I was out at a bar ALONE for the first time in my life. But I knew I had to do something, because I was not going to put up with being miserable for the rest of my life. To me, it was a simple choice. Do something and reach for happiness. Or don't and continue to hate my life. Doing something was worth it. I don't see the down side.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> But being rejected in person is much worse than being rejected online. If I were a guy I'd never do that. Well, only if I were a very good looking guy that was good at talking. Even then.... probably not. Bars and clubs work pretty well though. And even if you shy....just get some booze in you and it's not hard to talk to girls.


Who's problem is that then? Your problem or the girl's problem?

Guys would increase their odds by stop being afraid to approach and putting limiting beliefs on themselves.

I won't be so "desperate" when I have 40+ sexual partners in my life time. I just don't have that experience yet. When I do then maybe I'll make jokes about it towards other people and say how pathetic it is for them to be going after what they want in life.

You guys want to make fun of people who are trying to overcome fears?  Wtf is wrong with you people? ****ing haters


----------



## rymo

komorikun said:


> They run away before I get near them.
> 
> But being rejected in person is much worse than being rejected online. If I were a guy I'd never do that. Well, only if I were a very good looking guy that was good at talking. Even then.... probably not. I don't thinking hitting on chicks at the supermarket will work if you are fugly.
> 
> Bars and clubs work pretty well though. And even if you shy....just get some booze in you and it's not hard to talk to girls.


In my experience bars and clubs are much harder. If everyone's wasted a shy guy can end up making out with a chick in a club, sure. But it doesn't really mean anything. Approaching during the day not only makes a guy stand out from the crowd more, but it also provides for a quieter, more relaxed setting where the girl is not constantly being hit on. Not to mention, it's a much easier training ground for the guy in terms of gaining confidence.


----------



## ravens

That's what I need to do just go up to someone I think is cute and start a conversation. I've always thought that she would be uncomfortable if I did that. The only places that I ever go to is stores. There's going to come a time when I just don't give a **** anymore and I'll just do it.


----------



## komorikun

Most people, especially with SAD, get very nervous approaching a stranger. So it would depend on the success rate as to whether it is worth it or not. If 5 approaches turn into 1 date it might be worth it. If it takes 100 approaches maybe not.


----------



## rdrr

rymo said:


> Why wouldn't it be worth it? As far as I'm concerned, if you're not happy with your current social situation, than doing whatever it takes to improve it is absolutely worth it.
> 
> I just mentioned a video I saw of an unattractive guy getting a phone number. The simplepickup guys mentioned at the end of the video that that same guy ended up making out with a random girl in a bar that same weekend. That was the first time he ever made out with a girl just by going out, and one of his first times hooking up with a girl period. All from just being himself, approaching with confidence, and pushing past all of the mental obstacles he was putting up for himself.
> 
> When I was first trying this, I had never hooked up with a girl. I was so nervous I was sweating bullets. I was out at a bar ALONE for the first time in my life But I knew I had to do something, because I was not going to put up with being miserable for the rest of my life. To me, it was a simple choice. Do something. Or don't. Doing something was worth it.


OK, so that "unattractive" guy got a phone number. If this guy's goal was hooking up with a random girl at a bar... then more power to him. If you go to a bar where people are drinking and express interest in someone who is drunk, sometimes their inhibitions will make them do things that they wouldn't otherwise.

It's impossible to compare one's experiences to another in the realm of "picking up women" because we all are different with different looks, personalities and environmental factors to base our success level and what one may find attractive.

I said it might not be worth it for everyone. Going through all that was worth it to you. Good for you that you succeeded in your goal.

The only think I can take from it is, using a baseball metaphor is, yes, you cannot hit a home run if you don't play the game. But you shouldn't play out of position.


----------



## enpyre

I am doing absolutely nothing.

actually thats false im open to the idea if it falls into my lap so I am doing something by the act of waiting for it to fall into my lap. Short of that? nope, nuthin.

idk -- relationships are work. They are fun, granted, mostly at the start. But if it has to end eventually then someone is going to get hurt. And you do learn a lot from a failed relationship, but for the meantime, I can really do without that extra time and work for something that I don't think has a future.

maybe if it seemed more promising than any of my previous relationships I would be more willing to dive into another, but for now even though I have to sometimes fight the urge, I am not really looking.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Most people, especially with SAD, get very nervous approaching a stranger. So it would depend on the success rate as to whether it is worth it or not. If 5 approaches turn into 1 date it might be worth it. If it takes 100 approaches maybe not.


I would not be doing real life approaches if it took me 100 tries to get 1 date. That is why I quit online. So far, still having approach anxiety, and probably being awkward on a lot of my approaches, out of 10, on a decent day I'll get 4 numbers. On a bad day, zero. But the bad days usually are that way because of my confidence which affect my approach. I know this is going to sound "pick up artistry" to you, but if there is good rapport with those 4 numbers I get, the chances of a date go up a lot. If there is no rapport getting those numbers then chances go down dramatically. Being on a decent day, at where I feel confident now, 4 numbers out of 10 and 1 date out of those four numbers, on a decent day.

But you are asking me when I am still struggling. I bet in the future when I get more comfortable with this, I'll probably get rejected more but will care less and still get a lot of dates. I'd rather not care at this point. I'll probably get rejected more because I'll be extremely ballsy and uncalibrated to social situations, but time will tell.


----------



## rymo

rdrr said:


> OK, so that "unattractive" guy got a phone number. If this guy's goal was hooking up with a random girl at a bar... then more power to him. If you go to a bar where people are drinking and express interest in someone who is drunk, sometimes their inhibitions will make them do things that they wouldn't otherwise.
> 
> It's impossible to compare one's experiences to another in the realm of "picking up women" because we all are different with different looks, personalities and environmental factors to base our success level and what one may find attractive.
> 
> I said it might not be worth it for everyone. Going through all that was worth it to you. Good for you that you succeeded in your goal.
> 
> The only think I can take from it is, using a baseball metaphor is, yes, you cannot hit a home run if you don't play the game. But you shouldn't play out of position.


He was only in a bar for the makeout. He got the number by approaching random girls during the day. So basically, he was taking advantage of any and every type of social situation in order to improve his confidence and social ability.

What I don't understand is, what makes you so special? What is it about you that makes you so incredibly exempt from being able to participate in a normal social occurrence? Sure, you have social anxiety. Fair enough. But you're implying that you have no ability to improve upon it, or at least this aspect of it. Please explain to me WHY you do not have that ability. I am genuinely curious.


----------



## bsd3355

rdrr said:


> OK, so that "unattractive" guy got a phone number. If this guy's goal was hooking up with a random girl at a bar... then more power to him. If you go to a bar where people are drinking and express interest in someone who is drunk, sometimes their inhibitions will make them do things that they wouldn't otherwise.
> 
> It's impossible to compare one's experiences to another in the realm of "picking up women" because we all are different with different looks, personalities and environmental factors to base our success level and what one may find attractive.
> 
> I said it might not be worth it for everyone. Going through all that was worth it to you. Good for you that you succeeded in your goal.
> 
> The only think I can take from it is, using a baseball metaphor is, yes, you cannot hit a home run if you don't play the game. But you shouldn't play out of position.


How do you know you are playing out of your "position"? This is ironic because I thought I was playing out of my position until I stuck with it and proved things to myself. What experience do YOU have approaching in real life? You don't have much say so in the matter either unless you at least have 50+ approaches under your belt. What you say is less relevant than what we say simply because we have the experience and numbers to back it up. You are purely going off of assumption.

You can talk all day but until you prove it to yourself then your assumptions mean NOTHING.


----------



## ravens

I've never approached any girl because I've always been too nervous. Anything is better than what I'm doing now which is nothing.


----------



## ravens

Well I'm not going to give up. Even though I've never approached before that seems like the only way i'm going to ever get a girl. I've never gone to a bar before and I don't think I would want to anyway. I just need to say i've had it and when I see someone I'll just have to fight through my anxiety and approach her.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Nothing.


----------



## srschirm

Online thing a bit. My anxiety has been a little improved at work lately, so I'm hopeful. Making progress, slowly but surely...


----------



## Ivan AG

Nothing.

Too fking angry and BITTTERER.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> You guys want to make fun of people who are trying to overcome fears? Wtf is wrong with you people? ****ing haters


There will always be haters bro. Ignore them.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> In my experience bars and clubs are much harder. If everyone's wasted a shy guy can end up making out with a chick in a club, sure. But it doesn't really mean anything. Approaching during the day not only makes a guy stand out from the crowd more, but it also provides for a quieter, more relaxed setting where the girl is not constantly being hit on. Not to mention, it's a much easier training ground for the guy in terms of gaining confidence.


I still think a bar is a good place to at least start. I guess it depends on the situation but I think a daytime approach would be harder for me.


----------



## ravens

I don't hate people that are trying to overcome their fears. I wish that I could to that and approach girls. They're at least doing something and not like me and wishing that I could do it.


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> There will always be haters bro. Ignore them.


Good advice. Some feedback is good but some is just worthless BS


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Good advice. Some feedback is good but some is just worthless BS


You have to take the advice that is meant to benefit you and either ignore the rest or use it for motivation.


----------



## rdrr

rymo said:


> He was only in a bar for the makeout. He got the number by approaching random girls during the day. So basically, he was taking advantage of any and every type of social situation in order to improve his confidence and social ability.
> 
> What I don't understand is, what makes you so special? What is it about you that makes you so incredibly exempt from being able to participate in a normal social occurrence? Sure, you have social anxiety. Fair enough. But you're implying that you have no ability to improve upon it, or at least this aspect of it. Please explain to me WHY you do not have that ability. I am genuinely curious.


I wasn't inferring that I was exempt. Neither was I saying that I am unable to 'participate'. People with social anxiety have it with different levels, and within different realms. Regardless of one's anxiety, one can still be successful in their pursuits. In the realm of relationships, the constant is attractiveness. Confidence doesn't have to be gained by approaching 50 women...

For someone who has SA, maybe they can find a social place to go to, or even join a club or group (where there will be women) and 'approach' them that way. At least there is something tangible to talk about rather than spouting bs to get a number from a girl in broad daylight.

If you are going to be approaching random women, you should at least spend some time with them in a social setting and get comfortable there first.


----------



## rymo

rdrr said:


> I wasn't inferring that I was exempt. Neither was I saying that I am unable to 'participate'. People with social anxiety have it with different levels, and within different realms. Regardless of one's anxiety, one can still be successful in their pursuits. In the realm of relationships, the constant is attractiveness. Confidence doesn't have to be gained by approaching 50 women...
> 
> For someone who has SA, maybe they can find a social place to go to, or even join a club or group (where there will be women) and 'approach' them that way. At least there is something tangible to talk about rather than spouting bs to get a number from a girl in broad daylight.
> 
> If you are going to be approaching random women, you should at least spend some time with them in a social setting and get comfortable there first.


So you are able to 'participate', but you are simply saying that approaching people in a club or group is superior than approaching random girls. Hmm..okay then. I'm not going to choose one over the other because to me, using all options at my disposal seems the wisest course. I will say that approaching a random girl isn't always as meaningless as you seem to think it is. You can absolutely make a great connection in this manner. Do you know if you have some incredible shared interest with her before you approach? Absolutely not, but you'd be surprised what interesting connections you can make by doing this. At worst, you've talked to a girl and practiced your social abilities.

To me it's just going for what you want and using every means to do so. Going after happiness. If you aren't into being that social and you're content with how you are (hypothetical, not saying you are), then by all means just do what you feel is best. I'm simply saying that from experience I can truly say that approaching girls can expand your social horizon and increase your confidence A LOT.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> To me it's just going for what you want and using every means to do so. Going after happiness. If you aren't into being that social and you're content with how you are (hypothetical, not saying you are), then by all means just do what you feel is best. I'm simply saying that from experience I can truly say that approaching girls can expand your social horizon and increase your confidence A LOT.


Yup.

Found a pretty cool coach on the matter lately. His stuff is pretty solid information. Instead of posting the video here, I'll leave a link and you can check him out if you're interested.

For all people interested, I'd also advise:
David Wygant


----------



## Brandeezy

Just clicked "Yes" on about 50+ profiles on POF using the "Meet Me" feature, got 0 replies but I'm gonna keep going


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Just clicked "Yes" on about 50+ profiles on POF using the "Meet Me" feature, got 0 replies but I'm gonna keep going


Meet Me never works man, trust me.


----------



## komorikun

Yeah, Meet Me is useless cause you know the guy is going thru 20 profiles a minute and clicking YES to almost all of them.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Yeah, Meet Me is useless cause you know the guy is going thru 20 profiles a minute and clicking YES to almost all of them.


I don't understand how that makes it useless. If anything, it should be better for the girl and the guy because the guy is increasing his odds on the ****ty odds he has already, and the girl is getting more responses.

Messages are generally better. But I don't think it is wrong to do the "meet me" thing as well as send a message. Why not?


----------



## Andre

It's useless because women want personalized messages or else it just looks like fishing (and it's unmanly).

I'm not yet at the point where I will approach, but I've been making some progress against my anxiety recently. If I approached a woman I would spazz, and then what would I do? Feel proud of myself, right? Right.


----------



## bsd3355

Rufus said:


> It's useless because women want personalized messages or else it just looks like fishing (and it's unmanly).


True. It also helps you stand out.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I don't understand how that makes it useless. If anything, it should be better for the girl and the guy because the guy is increasing his odds on the ****ty odds he has already, and the girl is getting more responses.
> 
> Messages are generally better. But I don't think it is wrong to do the "meet me" thing as well as send a message. Why not?


even the messages are of little use on free sites

Some women are getting 200 messages a day, i doubt you would hit any good ones


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Meet Me never works man, trust me.


I've never had any luck yet either, lol.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> I don't understand how that makes it useless. If anything, it should be better for the girl and the guy because the guy is increasing his odds on the ****ty odds he has already, and the girl is getting more responses.
> 
> Messages are generally better. But I don't think it is wrong to do the "meet me" thing as well as send a message. Why not?


It certainly doesn't hurt to try it.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> even the messages are of little use on free sites


It can work but you are up against a lot of competition online because it is convenient and not as anxiety-ridden as real life.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Meet Me never works man, trust me.


Gotta try something different. I'm tired of getting no response after I send a thoughtful message


----------



## komorikun

There seems to be much more guys doing a spamming approach with messages on POF than on OKCupid. I get much more messages on POF but they are much lower quality than on OKCupid. Almost all are one or two sentences or they are copy and paste. 

I'd also say the "Save to Favorites" or 4-5 star rating thing on OKCupid is better than the Meet Me thing on POF.


----------



## srschirm

Brandeezy said:


> Gotta try something different. I'm tired of getting no response after I send a thoughtful message


You're not alone.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> There seems to be much more guys doing a spamming approach with messages on POF than on OKCupid. I get much more messages on POF but they are much lower quality than on OKCupid. Almost all are one or two sentences or they are copy and paste.
> 
> I'd also say the "Save to Favorites" or 4-5 star rating thing on OKCupid is better than the Meet Me thing on POF.


How many messages do you get on POF a week? Also, how would you rate the guys who send you messages?


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> How many messages do you get on POF a week? Also, how would you rate the guys who send you messages?


I don't keep track. I'd imagine good looking women get way more. The guys on POF seem to be better looking on OKCupid but dumber and less well educated. Many more religious guys and guys working blue collar jobs on POF. OKCupid has way more atheists and guys doing white collar work. More quirky. POF has more the stereotypical guy that has a big dog and likes going to Tahoe or Vegas on the weekend.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> I don't keep track. I'd imagine good looking women get way more. The guys on POF seem to be better looking on OKCupid but dumber and less well educated. Many more religious guys and guys working blue collar jobs on POF. OKCupid has way more atheists and guys doing white collar work. More quirky. POF has more the stereotypical guy that has a big dog and likes going to Tahoe or Vegas on the weekend.


It's interesting to notice how different the problems occur for both men and women. A little off topic, but even though some things seem way unbalanced sometimes, other things balance themselves out in the bigger picture, but I'm talking about a much bigger picture.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> It's interesting to notice how different the problems occur for both men and women. A little off topic, but even though some things seem way unbalanced sometimes, other things balance themselves out in the bigger picture, but I'm talking about a much bigger picture.


There are a lot of liars on paid sites. I think men are lying about everything from height to salary. The issue is that most of these men are just trying to get a date, not really a relationship

I am going to join a paid site this weekend


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> I don't understand how that makes it useless. If anything, it should be better for the girl and the guy because the guy is increasing his odds on the ****ty odds he has already, and the girl is getting more responses.
> 
> Messages are generally better. But I don't think it is wrong to do the "meet me" thing as well as send a message. Why not?


Cause then I don't even know if the guy likes me or not. He couldn't be bothered to spend 2-5 minutes looking at my profile and writing a 3 sentence message. I'd just feel stupid to send one of them a message.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Cause then I don't even know if the guy likes me or not. He couldn't be bothered to spend 2-5 minutes looking at my profile and writing a 3 sentence message. I'd just feel stupid to send one of them a message.


i think its all about confidence

women have always been repulsed by men with no confidence. Your behavior online is a hint of your confidence in real life

meet me instead of messaging = no confidence in self


----------



## komorikun

Zeeshan said:


> i think its all about confidence
> 
> women have always been repulsed by men with no confidence. Your behavior online is a hint of your confidence in real life
> 
> meet me instead of messaging = no confidence in self


No, it's not about confidence. It's more that I feel that they are not that interested in me.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Zeeshan said:


> There are a lot of liars on paid sites. I think men are lying about everything from height to salary. The issue is that most of these men are just trying to get a date, not really a relationship
> 
> I am going to join a paid site this weekend


Because you women demand too much. If we were to put real info no women would be interested. I know my info is real and no girl would want a guy like me.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> No, it's not about confidence. It's more that I feel that they are not that interested in me.


Women want to feel special in this instance; men are just trying to get a message back from a cute girl lol...seriously


----------



## Andre

Feminine longing.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Women want to feel special in this instance; men are just trying to get a message back from a cute girl lol...seriously


i also think that free sites are full of girls who really dont want to date

they just like the idea of all these man sending them messages......and a 6'4'' guy with washboard abs who makes a 100G. (Because guys like that need to use online dating)


----------



## srschirm

Zeeshan said:


> i think its all about confidence
> 
> women have always been repulsed by men with no confidence. Your behavior online is a hint of your confidence in real life
> 
> meet me instead of messaging = no confidence in self


I don't think it's all about confidence with women. And how is meeting someone instead of messaging a sign of lack of confidence? I would think it's the other way around, if anything.


----------



## Elad

These threads are so far warped from reality, its probably not helping you guys.


----------



## srschirm

Elad said:


> These threads are so far warped from reality, its probably not helping you guys.


Could you elaborate on this?


----------



## phoenixwright

The more that I think about what I need to do to get a girl, the less interested I am in wanting to have an actual relationship. I have this idealized view of love that I was brainwashed with over the years from fictional sources like Hollywood, videogames, Japanese anime and popular culture (I have an otaku streak). And then you get old and jaded and realize that it's not so idealized. That we're really just self-interested animals that are programmed to want to mate and rear kin [that's why we experience chemical reactions in our brain that we call "love"]. A female friend recently asked me to describe what kind of woman I want (that is actually a good starting point!)

My answer was: sweet, compassionate, beautiful girl-next-door, great sense of humour, light-hearted, doesn't take herself too seriously, big fan of sarcastic and dark humour, the type of girl that would fit right in with me in drunken karaoke, open-minded, intelligent, philosophical, introspective, thirst for knowledge, thirst for adventure, sensual, kinky, very uninhibited

Her reply was: you want perfection lol i thought i had high standards.
Mine was: no i dont. i want a girl thats like me. lol. [you would probably not get the impression that I am all those things because you see what I write on a support site where I am venting and voicing my frustrations in a depressed, demoralized state] and im not saying im perfect  oh and you know i want someone thats looking for that connection. that isnt overly concerned with milestones, keeping up with the joneses and things like kids, family, whatever

Then she said something about how very few women share my warped sense of humour (she was being tongue-in-cheek about it, not mean when she said warped. lol).

But yeah when I think about what I really want, I feel like it's not out there. I feel like I need to be someone that I'm not in order to get a girlfriend and do things that I don't want to do in order to impress girls or make myself seem more desirable than women.

And I'm not saying that my social anxiety defines who I am as a person. I'm not saying that challenging my social anxiety is being someone that I'm not because I actually don't want to have social anxiety. I want to focus on changing the things that I actually want to change. Not focus on changing things that would make me more desirable to the opposite sex. 

In my personal opinion, I feel that people in general (not just women) are mentally lazy and judgmental. They assume so much about you based on what they see on the surface level and they won't bother to try to explore romantic possibilities with you based on what they see on the surface. For eg. If I'm 27 and live with my parents, a lot of women would look at me and think "he's immature, he's lazy." When in reality I make enough money right now that I can afford to move out anytime I want. My living status does not define who I am. I can change that anytime I want right now. Luckily I am in that comfortable position. I just choose not to because I know that the only reason why I would do so is to impress women and either try to get "love" or try to get them in bed. That's not a good reason to justify adding an extra $500 or more per month in expenses. My parents don't want me to leave (in my parents' culture, children are expected to live with their parents until they get married) and while they annoy me often, I still find them tolerable to live with. Especially when I have all that extra cash. I feel like moving out of my parents' place to impress women is like "selling out".  

I could either save that extra money or use that money to have fun (lately I have been seeing escorts. Another thing that women would judge me for. But when you're a socially awkward guy and struggle with women and you want to have sex with hot women without going through all the ridiculous hoops, why not? We use condoms, I get tested for STDs, they get tested. What's wrong with that? Why would I go move out to try to impress some shallow, judgmental women who will probably give me no better than vanilla sex and the illusion of "love", going through all the hoops in the process trying to get with these girls, when I can go pay a ***** for the sex I want in a safe environment using condoms for protection? Love is ****ing bull****. Relationships start out in a very shallow way. People make all sorts of judgments about you based on what they see at the surface level. Oh he has a nice paying job? Great, he can spoil me   Oh he has a nice car? That means he has money.  Oh he lives with his parents? He's an immature loser, eww. (Which is amusing because I could move out tomorrow and a girl would automatically think "look at this overall mature urban professional man! He's so great! My girlfriends would love him!" How is that any different than a ho? (of the indirectly paid variety)

That's how women think and I think to myself, why the **** would I waste my time, effort, PRIDE, dignity and money trying to impress that? I don't want kids. I don't see why the amount of money I have should be a factor. And I don't want some ***** coming into my life and taking half my money and making me pay alimony if she decides she's no longer in "love" with me. Why not just do what I want and just save my money for a condo or spend some on *****s who are at least open and honest about what they are really about? And I've been spending a lot of money on building a social life. And for what? I find that I don't particularly enjoy going out. I don't have a strong yearning to spend time with my buddies. Heck much of the time I don't even enjoy having sex with women period (of the paid and the "unpaid" variety). lol. (If I cut back on it, more money saved. Win, win). I'm not quite asocial and asexual. But I feel like I'm more asocial and asexual than average. I'm introverted. Balancing a full-time job with a social life is very exhausting and draining. I've had two testosterone tests and both results showed that I had low testosterone as well (I've talked about this on here before).


----------



## srschirm

We have a lot in common as far as how we think, Phoenix. Yet I refuse to give up hope. Yes dating sucks for guys, but I still think deep-down there is someone for me to love (and who loves me) out there. I feel like it's very hard to just be platonic friends with women. There has to be that romantic component there. And it's true that men and women often have divergent interests. So I can see how you think there is no one out there for you. But I have a hard time believing that's true. I've always found that when I was in a relationship with someone, she had things that she was into that I could enjoy, and vice versa. There is no one EXACTLY like me out there. So I'm not looking for a carbon-copy of myself. Just someone I can enjoy being around, and we have a mutual interest in getting to know each other better.

In many ways I would love to still live at home (or at least not 10.5 hours away from home). In many ways those stereotypes you mentioned are true (but not always. And you're not lazy at all obviously). So I can see how a woman would think that at first, but if she gave you a shot, she would see you're a good guy. Unfortunately, many women have so many opportunities they will just shoot down a good guy for one aspect he has that they don't like. I could handle a woman living at home if she had other good qualities. But for many women it's a non-starter. That's just how it is. The right one for you won't judge you negatively by it.

As men, we have to make the effort. That's just the way it is. Nothing will ever change that. Women can have their cake and eat it too, so why would they risk themselves and their pride by putting themselves out there? It won't happen, so we just have to deal with it. There are good ones out there though, I'm never losing my faith in that.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Nothing.


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## rymo

Please, no more people saying they're doing nothing to get a girl without at least elaborating on their situation. Talking about things like how interested you are in getting a girl, what your living situation is like, what your sexual experience is, and attempts you've made in the past to improve this part of your life, if any, would all be helpful things to mention. If you don't care to discuss any of that stuff, then you're not serious about improving and therefore should not post in this thread. If you are serious about it, then let's get into it.


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright,

Why am I almost in your EXACT situation and I still meet girls? And why is it they like me? It is because I stop wasting my time on excuses and I go and talk to lots of women. Money isn't even an excuse I let slip into my mind because I know it doesn't really matter because how how ambitious I am. I know, and the girls that meet me know, that I don't stop until I get what I want because I'm stubborn. There is no way in hell I'm going to die not trying to better myself in my education, in my social life, and my spiritual [mental] life. I'll graduate with my degree and be paying off debt for some time, but so what? I'm ambitious and intelligent and an awesome person, straight up. Why wouldn't a woman like me? Seriously. You need to think the same about yourself and stop putting excuses in your head to not take action because it all comes down to taking action or mental masturbation. Take care of yourself and strive for your goals and there is nothing to not respect about you then, but do it for yourself, not for girls. Also, consider that many women are just like you. It seems like you think women are somehow all the same and different from you when in reality this isn't the case.

Here is what you need to do to meet a woman:

1. Take care of yourself for yourself (goals, ambitions, mental,physical, etc.)
2. Take massive action (online, offline, etc.)
3. NO EXCUSES and NO MENTAL MASTURBATION

When you go out and start trying to meet women then come back and we can help from there . You don't get rejected 10 times and quit. Don't focus on just one way to meet women.


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## squall78

I'm moving in a few months. Should I put up an online profile now, or wait till I am back there to be able to meet women? I feel like the spark will fizzle if I'm not able to meet up.

Also, any tips on online profiles, and messages to get girls to respond? It's a fine line between playing the numbers game with a generic message to get a few bites, and personalizing every message which cuts down my total messages sent.


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## komorikun

squall78 said:


> I'm moving in a few months. Should I put up an online profile now, or wait till I am back there to be able to meet women? I feel like the spark will fizzle if I'm not able to meet up.
> 
> Also, any tips on online profiles, and messages to get girls to respond? It's a fine line between playing the numbers game with a generic message to get a few bites, and personalizing every message which cuts down my total messages sent.


Ask a question referring to the profile. People like answering questions about themselves as long as they aren't too intrusive. Only send messages to girls that give you a spark (not just from the pics) from reading their profile.

Women can spot cut and paste jobs and spam messages easily.


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## bsd3355

squall78 said:


> I'm moving in a few months. Should I put up an online profile now, or wait till I am back there to be able to meet women? I feel like the spark will fizzle if I'm not able to meet up.
> 
> Also, any tips on online profiles, and messages to get girls to respond? It's a fine line between playing the numbers game with a generic message to get a few bites, and personalizing every message which cuts down my total messages sent.


That's up to you. You could meet a girl before you move if that is what you want but I wouldn't get too attached personally; I wouldn't try to make a relationship out of it because you're moving. If you want to practice talking to women then go ahead. When you move you will likely never see the girl again so I would approach any interactions with girls you meet before you move as casual only. That is really up to you though. Or you can even make a profile and search for girls in the area where you are moving so when you get there you can date them. If you do that then be honest and keep in contact with them until you move to the new place.

Just be personal with the messages you send. Obviously girls don't like cut and paste. Komorikun's advice is good.


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## rymo

Went out with my friend, his brother, and this girl I'm seeing (nothing serious). My friend's brother just turned 21 and we were trying to get him a little drunk and also help him approach girls. Boy oh boy, being a wingman is harder than I thought. Especially since this guy doesn't say anything. I don't think he has anxiety or depression because he's a very smiley and positive guy...he's just very inexperienced and shy. Fair enough. I approached a group of 4 girls with my friend and we chatted them up for a bit. In fact I was on fire. The whole night I found it very easy to flow and mix it up...the words just seemed to come to me. One of those days I guess.

Cut to the chase...we brought in the brother and introduced him and allowed him to spread his wings a bit. Unfortunately, it didn't really go anywhere because he was too shy to say anything. A couple more attempts with the same result and that was pretty much that.

Now, do I consider this a failure? Absolutely not. This was his very first time trying to talk to girls at a bar, and we put a lot of pressure on him right away and gave him a lot of information to absorb. And I don't know if I did the best job helping him out either. I was too focused on the initial warming up the girls thing and not enough on talking him up. Despite all that, he still went along with it. He still tried. He even sat down at the first group's table. To even just do that is a major accomplishment. The next step would be letting him do some approaches on his own, just to become comfortable with that. Or, more comfortable I should say. You never truly become comfortable approaching girls, but it does get easier.


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## phoenixwright

I think a big part of the reason why I fail with relationships is that I'm likely naturally introverted. I have a group of new friends from my social anxiety group that I have been hanging out with regularly since January. Once a week minimum. It seems more like 2-3 times a week. And I find myself just feeling "blaise" or whatever you call it. It's just meh. I appreciate my friends and I don't have social anxiety around them. But I find myself not having much interest to do stuff with them socially. I might look forward to eating at a new place (especially if it's new) or going to a karaoke bar or a comedy club or whatever. But I just find myself not all that interested in interacting socially. It also tires me out. Particularly when I work a full time schedule. I find that when I go out, it feels like I'm forcing myself to go out and get out of the house. When really I do just want to stay home. 

So when you add women to the equation, the main difference is wanting to have sex with them or wanting that strong romance you see in the media (im an otaku so I like the romances in japanese games and anime in particular). And I'm finding sex to be very "blaise" much of the time (and I've had sex with certified bj queens). I find that watching porn and masturbating is more pleasure physiologically. Whereas being with a woman sexually may be more pleasurable psychologically. Because its like a feeding of my ego or whatever.

And as for romance, I havent had much of that in my life because I find it difficult to connect with women. And I have little desire to interact socially. When I meet a girl I'm crazy about, I do feel motivated to be social and outgoing with her. But it's like a catch 22 in that if I'm not social, women tend to not be interested in me. But yet I need to find that someone special and develop rapport with her for me to be motivated socially.

I find myself mainly forcing myself to be social to improve my chances of getting a gf. I'm not doing it for intrinsic rewards. Just for the sake of interacting socially.

I find that lots of people with SA are actually extroverts who are afraid of social rejection. I have social anxiety too because I dont like the thought of others looking down in me. Even if i have little desire to interact with them. I find myself to be naturally introverted.


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## redapples

A lot of lonely men on this forum. You know what; there are more females on this planet than males. You have a higher chance of getting a girl than a lonely female.


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## Canucklehead

redapples said:


> A lot of lonely men on this forum. You know what; there are more females on this planet than males. You have a higher chance of getting a girl than a lonely female.


Except that men are supposed to pursue women. Women with SA have dudes coming up to to them to ask them out a whole lot more than women coming up to SA dudes.


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## redapples

Canucklehead said:


> Except that men are supposed to pursue women. Women with SA have dudes coming up to to them to ask them out a whole lot more than women coming up to SA dudes.


Yes, that also means men have the power to ask girls out. However, if a girl asks guys out, she would be labeled "desperate". But not guys.


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## rymo

Let's just stop the 'who has it harder' debate right now before it spirals out of control. The fact is that it just doesn't matter, because if you're a guy you're a guy and if you're a girl you're a girl. That's it. You work with what you have and who you are. Lamenting about how someone has it easier is not going to accomplish anything.


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## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Let's just stop the 'who has it harder' debate right now before it spirals out of control. The fact is that it just doesn't matter, because if you're a guy you're a guy and if you're a girl you're a girl. That's it. You work with what you have and who you are. Lamenting about how someone has it easier is not going to accomplish anything.


Real talk.

Do what you can with what you got.


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## ravens

I've never done anything to get a girl, well nothing except since high school. I guess the only way that I could is if I could get drunk. I don't go any where to get drunk. **** me man.


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## TPower

redapples said:


> Yes, that also means men have the power to ask girls out. However, if a girl asks guys out, she would be labeled "desperate". But not guys.


Even if you were right, which I severely doubt, guys don't give two **** if you look desperate.

Men are usually not vulnerable to peer pressure. They'll still go out with you if they find you attractive.


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## ravens

redapples said:


> Yes, that also means men have the power to ask girls out. However, if a girl asks guys out, she would be labeled "desperate". But not guys.


I would have loved to have a girl ask me out. That hasn't happened in my whole life. It's what I've always dreamed of.


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## komorikun

redapples said:


> Yes, that also means men have the power to ask girls out. However, if a girl asks guys out, she would be labeled "desperate". But not guys.


They might not think you are desperate but you have no way of knowing how interested they are until you meet them. Many guys will agree to go on a date with someone they don't like that much in the hopes of getting laid. They will figure since you asked them out that you really, really like them and will probably be easier to get into bed.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Went out with my friend, his brother, and this girl I'm seeing (nothing serious). My friend's brother just turned 21 and we were trying to get him a little drunk and also help him approach girls. Boy oh boy, being a wingman is harder than I thought. Especially since this guy doesn't say anything. I don't think he has anxiety or depression because he's a very smiley and positive guy...he's just very inexperienced and shy. Fair enough. I approached a group of 4 girls with my friend and we chatted them up for a bit. In fact I was on fire. The whole night I found it very easy to flow and mix it up...the words just seemed to come to me. One of those days I guess.
> 
> Cut to the chase...we brought in the brother and introduced him and allowed him to spread his wings a bit. Unfortunately, it didn't really go anywhere because he was too shy to say anything. A couple more attempts with the same result and that was pretty much that.
> 
> Now, do I consider this a failure? Absolutely not. This was his very first time trying to talk to girls at a bar, and we put a lot of pressure on him right away and gave him a lot of information to absorb. And I don't know if I did the best job helping him out either. I was too focused on the initial warming up the girls thing and not enough on talking him up. Despite all that, he still went along with it. He still tried. He even sat down at the first group's table. To even just do that is a major accomplishment. The next step would be letting him do some approaches on his own, just to become comfortable with that. Or, more comfortable I should say. You never truly become comfortable approaching girls, but it does get easier.


You seem very confident with your abilities already which is impressive, I must say. Way to go with that. I know how hard that can be. I usually go solo if I go out but I have had a wing before. It does help a little bit when there are multiple girls but if you are "on fire" and feeling great then you can literally own the group by yourself. I have the feeling this may come easier to you than it has me. Good stuff  I plan on going out tonight even though I haven't been out to a bar environment for a while. I might as well do something on my day off even if it is just warming up for college approaches 

What is your mentality when you approach girls? Do you have a healthy outlook on yourself and the women? I'm curious. I know how you think can really impact how you move through life. Your mind is probably pretty healthy.


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## Brandeezy

So I'm officially giving up. I realized that I'm not attractive enough and lack the confidence to get a girl. Today 2 fairly new and attractive co-workers (female) asked my co-worker in my dept if he wanted to get sushi with them. He suspects that one of the girls want to go out with him but he doesn't know who. I wish it was that easy for me but I know it'll never happen, it also sucks that they both spend like 10 mins talking to him every time they send him but say nothing to me


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## Zeeshan

So 2.5 weeks into my relationship with N things have hit a bid of a snag.

She had a birthday party to go to this weekend, something she had asked me about a week and a half back. However she is highly critical of the way i dress, its one of her biggest concerns. Anyways we talked about it a couple of times, and she had invited me to go with her. Last week when i spend the night at her place she had told me that she wanted to go shopping, to pick something out that i could wear.

I am not too comfortable in clubs, infact i will do anything to avoid one. Alcohol does nothing for me in that arena, so i tried to avoid the subject as much as possible. Then on Monday when we met, she told me that she wasnt going to introduce me as her boyfriend, only her close friends knew that she was dating me. Whatever, i said she can do what she wants, i dont really care. 

So this week so far we havent had a chance to get together. Her school has started, plus she has some family issues, and i have been working on projects all day. I was suppose to go see her Thursday or Friday, but couldnt make it. I also didnt want to see her to discuss plans. I was thinking about making excuses and how i could get out of going.

Well she didnt invite me anymore. She didnt bring up the subject again, but i know the party is suppose to be tonight. I replied to her message on whatssapp, but she hasnt replied. I think she went to the party without me, partly because she is embarrassed she had no clothes, or maybe she didnt want me classified as her BF. I wouldnt have gone anyway, but we arent messaging as much, and arent talking on the phone as much.

So i think the relationship is going south,

Edit October 23, 2013: I dont blame her, she warned me that the way i dress is not okay, and ignored her. I have learned better now, i used to dress so awful, so many people in the past told me fix your clothes


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So 2.5 weeks into my relationship with N things have hit a bid of a snag.
> 
> She had a birthday party to go to this weekend, something she had asked me about a week and a half back. However she is highly critical of the way i dress, its one of her biggest concerns. Anyways we talked about it a couple of times, and she had invited me to go with her. Last week when i spend the night at her place she had told me that she wanted to go shopping, to pick something out that i could wear.
> 
> I am not too comfortable in clubs, infact i will do anything to avoid one. Alcohol does nothing for me in that arena, so i tried to avoid the subject as much as possible. Then on Monday when we met, she told me that she wasnt going to introduce me as her boyfriend, only her close friends knew that she was dating me. Whatever, i said she can do what she wants, i dont really care.
> 
> So this week so far we havent had a chance to get together. Her school has started, plus she has some family issues, and i have been working on projects all day. I was suppose to go see her Thursday or Friday, but couldnt make it. I also didnt want to see her to discuss plans. I was thinking about making excuses and how i could get out of going.
> 
> Well she didnt invite me anymore. She didnt bring up the subject again, but i know the party is suppose to be tonight. I replied to her message on whatssapp, but she hasnt replied. I think she went to the party without me, partly because she is embarrassed she had no clothes, or maybe she didnt want me classified as her BF. I wouldnt have gone anyway, but we arent messaging as much, and arent talking on the phone as much.
> 
> So i think the relationship is going south,


Yeah, sounds bad. But at least you guys didn't get into a 2 year relationship when this happened. At least it'll be easier to move on. A "girlfriend" shouldn't be embarrassed of her boyfriend, that's ridiculous. She might be an attention-getter. She sounded pretty insecure at the beginning of the relationship which indicates she may of just wanted validation from you and that's it.


----------



## phoenixwright

So this girl goes to "third base" with you in broad daylight at a park on the second date and tells you that she loves you and what not but yet she's embarrassed to show you to her friends? How is this any different from a guy using a girl for sex? lol. That's awful.

People are such douchebags. Seriously. Both men and women are extremely obsessed with appearances. Looking good in front of their peers and trying to impress them.

My ex-girlfriend didn't like it that I wasn't talkative with her dorm mates like I was with her. While I do suffer social anxiety, I'm also an introvert. I care if other people make fun of me or look down on me because it hurts my self-esteem. But I have little interest in actually being social. And people take offense to that and think I'm a dick.

I think I want a relationship. But I idealize it in my head. My relationship with my ex wasn't all rainbows and butterflies. I miss the affection and love and connection. But I don't miss having to endure things I don't want to endure to please my then-girlfriend.


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## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, sounds bad. But at least you guys didn't get into a 2 year relationship when this happened. At least it'll be easier to move on. A "girlfriend" shouldn't be embarrassed of her boyfriend, that's ridiculous. She might be an attention-getter. She sounded pretty insecure at the beginning of the relationship which indicates she may of just wanted validation from you and that's it.


She has issues no doubt. However i think its fair for her to criticize my clothing, she isnt the first girl to tell me i need to change the way i dress.

I dont really know what she is thinking. She is the one who asked me to the party in the first place.

Edit October 23, 2013: Yes it was, my clothing was awful. I have no right to not dress the best!


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> So this girl goes to "third base" with you in broad daylight at a park on the second date and tells you that she loves you and what not but yet she's embarrassed to show you to her friends? How is this any different from a guy using a girl for sex? lol. That's awful.


I dont know. I think part of the issue was we started so hot, that the fire was bound to hit a snag relatively quickly.

I dont think she was using me for sex. I messaged her last night, and she didnt reply though i could see she got her messages. So i am done with her. Gonna tell her that we arent right for each other.

I am looking for a much more conservative girl, though my search is recharged after this little encounter


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> We have a lot in common as far as how we think, Phoenix. Yet I refuse to give up hope. Yes dating sucks for guys, but I still think deep-down there is someone for me to love (and who loves me) out there. I feel like it's very hard to just be platonic friends with women. There has to be that romantic component there. And it's true that men and women often have divergent interests. So I can see how you think there is no one out there for you. But I have a hard time believing that's true. I've always found that when I was in a relationship with someone, she had things that she was into that I could enjoy, and vice versa. There is no one EXACTLY like me out there. So I'm not looking for a carbon-copy of myself. Just someone I can enjoy being around, and we have a mutual interest in getting to know each other better.
> 
> In many ways I would love to still live at home (or at least not 10.5 hours away from home). In many ways those stereotypes you mentioned are true (but not always. And you're not lazy at all obviously). So I can see how a woman would think that at first, but if she gave you a shot, she would see you're a good guy. Unfortunately, many women have so many opportunities they will just shoot down a good guy for one aspect he has that they don't like. I could handle a woman living at home if she had other good qualities. But for many women it's a non-starter. That's just how it is. The right one for you won't judge you negatively by it.
> 
> As men, we have to make the effort. That's just the way it is. Nothing will ever change that. Women can have their cake and eat it too, so why would they risk themselves and their pride by putting themselves out there? It won't happen, so we just have to deal with it. There are good ones out there though, I'm never losing my faith in that.


Is sex with a prostitute more pleasurable then sex in general. I have never been with one, but i reckon prostitutes should be experts in pleasing men. I have always felt unsatisfied sexually, and have wondered how pleasurable sex can be. How do you visit them, do they come over??


----------



## phoenixwright

I find them advertising online, then I text/call them.

My experience with them has been a mixed bag. A good quality call girl has better "skills" and she has the right persona, attitude and professionalism. They either love what they do or do a great job faking it. Whereas some girls are just really bad at their job, have bad attitde and clearly dont want to be there. You need to read reviews in order to better seperate the cream from the crop. Often times it just comes down to chemistry.

Thewhole having sex with a stranger thing is really weird too. My best sexual experience was with my very first call girl. She gets me. She is very manipulative. But as soon as I opened the door, I felt like she understood me better than any woman I've been physically involved with. Or maybe the regular women just didnt care to try to get me. She knows which buttons to push psychologically and emotionally. She knows what I need on a psychological and emotional level. 

Physiologically, like I've said, I've yet to have an experience that is as good as masturbating while fantasizing or watching porn. I'm rather desensitized to sex. My doctor is useless. She tells me that strength training will help me with my testosterone (though she thinks my testosterone is fine despite the way below average readings). But I don't know if that's an issue if I can watch porn, masturbate, get an erection and then finish no problem.


----------



## srschirm

phoenixwright said:


> Physiologically, like I've said, I've yet to have an experience that is as good as masturbating while fantasizing or watching porn. I'm rather desensitized to sex. My doctor is useless. She tells me that strength training will help me with my testosterone (though she thinks my testosterone is fine despite the way below average readings). But I don't know if that's an issue if I can watch porn, masturbate, get an erection and then finish no problem.


Working out and eating well has helped me.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I find them advertising online, then I text/call them.
> 
> My experience with them has been a mixed bag. A good quality call girl has better "skills" and she has the right persona, attitude and professionalism. They either love what they do or do a great job faking it. Whereas some girls are just really bad at their job, have bad attitde and clearly dont want to be there. You need to read reviews in order to better seperate the cream from the crop. Often times it just comes down to chemistry.
> 
> Thewhole having sex with a stranger thing is really weird too. My best sexual experience was with my very first call girl. She gets me. She is very manipulative. But as soon as I opened the door, I felt like she understood me better than any woman I've been physically involved with. Or maybe the regular women just didnt care to try to get me. She knows which buttons to push psychologically and emotionally. She knows what I need on a psychological and emotional level.
> 
> Physiologically, like I've said, I've yet to have an experience that is as good as masturbating while fantasizing or watching porn. I'm rather desensitized to sex. My doctor is useless. She tells me that strength training will help me with my testosterone (though she thinks my testosterone is fine despite the way below average readings). But I don't know if that's an issue if I can watch porn, masturbate, get an erection and then finish no problem.


So they come to your apartment? How do you make sure that nothing goes down. I would think that the experience with a prostitute would be better since they are more skilled. I guess i am wrong


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## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> So they come to your apartment? How do you make sure that nothing goes down. I would think that the experience with a prostitute would be better since they are more skilled. I guess i am wrong


Some can come to your place ("outcalls"). But I always do incalls. They operate out of a hotel room or apartment. Some operate out of a private residence or spa/massage parlour but I've only ever visited them at hotels or condos.

I didn't say that the experience wasn't better with them vs. "regular" girls. But it depends on the quality that you get. Stick to well-reviewed girls. And yes getting physically intimate with a stranger can be weird. I'm just not very responsive to sex in general.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> She has issues no doubt. However i think its fair for her to criticize my clothing, she isnt the first girl to tell me i need to change the way i dress.
> 
> I dont really know what she is thinking. She is the one who asked me to the party in the first place.


Yeah, that's pretty weird.


----------



## bsd3355

2 for 2 today on numbers from campus. Last girls seemed flakey

Going to up the numbers next time if i can (3-4). No telling who flakes or not until it happens

Btw, simplepickup.com has this this called "project go" for 5 bucks a month. I highly recommend it if you are interested. Check out what its about by typing "simplepickup project go" in google


----------



## soverytrue

there are just too many women that play games today, and are not looking for us men anymore like they once did. many women today just need to GROW UP, and stop being so DAMN NASTY as well.


----------



## rymo

soverytrue said:


> there are just too many women that play games today, and are not looking for us men anymore like they once did. many women today just need to GROW UP, and stop being so DAMN NASTY as well.


You're generalizing. Incorrect approach. There are guys who need to grow up, there are girls who need to grow up, there are emus who need to grow up. Who cares? Those that aren't relevant to your interests should not induce you to waste your time and energy thinking about them. Focus on the ones that ARE right for you.


----------



## Zeeshan

Well i am single again lol, told N that we werent right for each other , kind of feel lonely after having someone around all the time for the last couple of weeks. I just didnt see myself wanting to spend any more time with her. Told her i wasnt happy with her, so im free

so i am back to this thread.....what am i doing to get a girl...except this time its what am i doing to get a girl i want 

well there is this real cutie in my Tuesday night class......i really want her, so i will go after that. seems so hard though, she excites me 

I want to be really straight forward with people from now on. all the time, not just with women at wok too and in life

the only down side is i have like no friends right now, so i feel really down.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Well i am single again lol, told N that we werent right for each other , kind of feel lonely after having someone around all the time for the last couple of weeks. I just didnt see myself wanting to spend any more time with her. Told her i wasnt happy with her, so im free
> 
> so i am back to this thread.....what am i doing to get a girl...except this time its what am i doing to get a girl i want
> 
> well there is this real cutie in my Tuesday night class......i really want her, so i will go after that. seems so hard though, she excites me
> 
> I want to be really straight forward with people from now on. all the time, not just with women at wok too and in life
> 
> the only down side is i have like no friends right now, so i feel really down.


You broke up with her? You didn't like her company? I thought you were "in love"?

Anyway, good job with everything. At least now you know what is possible. It's good you want to find someone who you connect with on a deeper level. I agree the only downside to losing something you had is missing it. Keep your head up and keep moving forward


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> You broke up with her? You didn't like her company? I thought you were "in love"?
> 
> Anyway, good job with everything. At least now you know what is possible. It's good you want to find someone who you connect with on a deeper level. I agree the only downside to losing something you had is missing it. Keep your head up and keep moving forward


i dont think so. I think it was more like just having someone after a long time. its like not having a job for 3 years, then having a temp job for a couple of weeks, the money is like gold

Anyhow, i feel very aggressive


----------



## flagg lives

there's this really nice looking girl in one of my classes. she also sits with 1 other girl, her friend i assume, in the hallway, fairly close to where i sit (alone) in the hallway. i don't know what to do or how to do it, but i may say something tomorrow. i'll probably come across as creepy. that's ok i guess.


----------



## Zeeshan

I Feel so down right now, probably havent felt this depressed in months. Really awful

doing nothing today


----------



## Zeeshan

So i decided to go ahead and pay for one of the big paid sites....i will let people know how its different from the free sites.


----------



## bsd3355

flagg lives said:


> there's this really nice looking girl in one of my classes. she also sits with 1 other girl, her friend i assume, in the hallway, fairly close to where i sit (alone) in the hallway. i don't know what to do or how to do it, but i may say something tomorrow. i'll probably come across as creepy. that's ok i guess.


just talk about class or something relative to the situation. it isn't creepy to talk to people, and it isn't creepy to flirt with women.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So i decided to go ahead and pay for one of the big paid sites....i will let people know how its different from the free sites.


I've heard people on paying sites take it more seriously and it's better. I tried match.com years ago and met a girl on there but we didn't really have chemistry and I was a bit confused so it didn't last. Good luck


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I've heard people on paying sites take it more seriously and it's better. I tried match.com years ago and met a girl on there but we didn't really have chemistry and I was a bit confused so it didn't last. Good luck


Teach me how to approach a girl i like

say i am sitting there in a coffee shop browsing the internet and i see one. Or i am at a campus and i see one, what do i do? I have no idea

The only time i have talked to a completely strange girl and attempted to pick her up was at a line at a coffee shop in May. Other then that, i see girls all the time when i go out. I think that i would be successful with a lot of them, but i just have no idea

I think they often wonder because i have the kind of eyes that just cant help but make contact,


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Teach me how to approach a girl i like
> 
> say i am sitting there in a coffee shop browsing the internet and i see one. Or i am at a campus and i see one, what do i do? I have no idea
> 
> The only time i have talked to a completely strange girl and attempted to pick her up was at a line at a coffee shop in May. Other then that, i see girls all the time when i go out. I think that i would be successful with a lot of them, but i just have no idea
> 
> I think they often wonder because i have the kind of eyes that just cant help but make contact,


If you see a girl around start with "hi, I thought you were really cute and had to talk to you. My name is XXXX". So simple, so effective...no cheesy one-liner. Just straight to the point, shows your intentions. She doesn't think.."why is this dude talking to me...". It makes it clear you are interested in her and shows confidence.

If you're already in line or somehow positioned next to her already, just say something about your surroundings or the situation. Then lead into something like "You're really cute by the way. I'm XXXX, nice to meet you."

After the opener (said with a smile and eye contact, of course), just shoot the ****. Try to find out about her by making assumed statements about her. Wondering where she lives? Say.."you seem like you're from such and such place." Not all your questions have to be in the form of a statement, but it does make the interaction more fun and interesting. The most important thing is to try to just have fun with it and NOT worry about what she's thinking. Don't cater to her every move or reaction, just have fun YOURSELF and then she will be having fun as well.

Another strong move is the _us mentality_ (https://www.simplepickup.com/forum/questions-advice/11554-us-mentality.html).

Ultimately, you just want to show off the best, most positive and interesting version of yourself, and the only way that's going to happen is if you work on not worrying about the small details and just let your personality shine. The only way THAT is going to happen is if you practice.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> If you see a girl around start with "hi, I thought you were really cute and had to talk to you. My name is XXXX". So simple, so effective...no cheesy one-liner. Just straight to the point, shows your intentions. She doesn't think.."why is this dude talking to me...". It makes it clear you are interested in her and shows confidence.
> 
> If you're already in line or somehow positioned next to her already, just say something about your surroundings or the situation. Then lead into something like "You're really cute by the way. I'm XXXX, nice to meet you."
> 
> After the opener (said with a smile and eye contact, of course), just shoot the ****. Try to find out about her by making assumed statements about her. Wondering where she lives? Say.."you seem like you're from such and such place." Not all your questions have to be in the form of a statement, but it does make the interaction more fun and interesting. The most important thing is to try to just have fun with it and NOT worry about what she's thinking. Don't cater to her every move or reaction, just have fun YOURSELF and then she will be having fun as well.
> 
> Another strong move is the _us mentality_ (https://www.simplepickup.com/forum/questions-advice/11554-us-mentality.html).
> 
> Ultimately, you just want to show off the best, most positive and interesting version of yourself, and the only way that's going to happen is if you work on not worrying about the small details and just let your personality shine. The only way THAT is going to happen is if you practice.


Thanks gonna try that very soon

No luck so far on the paid dating sites, about 6-7 emails ignored. The funny thing is that i look at some of these women, and i know they would totally be interested in real life. And yet, i must be doing something very wrong online.

I think i might pick up a book or two on online dating, because clearly i dont get it,


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> If you see a girl around start with "hi, I thought you were really cute and had to talk to you. My name is XXXX". So simple, so effective...no cheesy one-liner. Just straight to the point, shows your intentions. She doesn't think.."why is this dude talking to me...". It makes it clear you are interested in her and shows confidence.
> 
> If you're already in line or somehow positioned next to her already, just say something about your surroundings or the situation. Then lead into something like "You're really cute by the way. I'm XXXX, nice to meet you."
> 
> After the opener (said with a smile and eye contact, of course), just shoot the ****. Try to find out about her by making assumed statements about her. Wondering where she lives? Say.."you seem like you're from such and such place." Not all your questions have to be in the form of a statement, but it does make the interaction more fun and interesting. The most important thing is to try to just have fun with it and NOT worry about what she's thinking. Don't cater to her every move or reaction, just have fun YOURSELF and then she will be having fun as well.
> 
> Another strong move is the _us mentality_ (https://www.simplepickup.com/forum/questions-advice/11554-us-mentality.html).
> 
> Ultimately, you just want to show off the best, most positive and interesting version of yourself, and the only way that's going to happen is if you work on not worrying about the small details and just let your personality shine. The only way THAT is going to happen is if you practice.


How about getting a number at your workplace? Like a grocery store


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> How about getting a number at your workplace? Like a grocery store


I think the odds are against you,


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> How about getting a number at your workplace? Like a grocery store


If you've already developed kind of a shy guy impression to everyone in the store then yeh it's probably an uphill battle. I would just focus on talking to your fellow employees for now. Just trying to have a normal conversation with them. Establish yourself within the store as an outgoing, confident guy.

I know that's way easier said than done but it's a process that takes some work and you've got to start somewhere. Why not start at work? I'm sure it gets boring there sometimes and you've got nothing to lose by putting yourself out there a bit. My suggestion? Just ask questions and try to find out about them. Be genuine and listen and take an interest in what they say about themselves. When you actually care what people have to say you'll find it a lot easier to talk to them.

After you do all that then you can ask people out, in the meantime there are pleeenty of other places to do that.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> If you've already developed kind of a shy guy impression to everyone in the store then yeh it's probably an uphill battle. I would just focus on talking to your fellow employees for now. Just trying to have a normal conversation with them. Establish yourself within the store as an outgoing, confident guy.
> 
> I know that's way easier said than done but it's a process that takes some work and you've got to start somewhere. Why not start at work? I'm sure it gets boring there sometimes and you've got nothing to lose by putting yourself out there a bit. My suggestion? Just ask questions and try to find out about them. Be genuine and listen and take an interest in what they say about themselves. When you actually care what people have to say you'll find it a lot easier to talk to them.
> 
> After you do all that then you can ask people out, in the meantime there are pleeenty of other places to do that.


exactly, its just a grocerry store job anyways, might as well take risky chances.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> If you've already developed kind of a shy guy impression to everyone in the store then yeh it's probably an uphill battle. I would just focus on talking to your fellow employees for now. Just trying to have a normal conversation with them. Establish yourself within the store as an outgoing, confident guy.


I'm in the process of doing this now, and it feels amazing. It's only as hard as we make it.


----------



## mattigummi

I talked to my crush for 40 minutes on facebook on tuesday, and she ended the conversation with a 'bye '. Now that's progress right?  We talked about school and languages, After i said hey and she responded I asked her if she knew spanish (because she had shared a picture in spanish), and the conversation just developed from that.

I think I should talk to her again soon. She likes Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit according to her facebook so I could ask her if she's seen the new Hobbit trailer.


----------



## Zeeshan

mattigummi said:


> I talked to my crush for 40 minutes on facebook on tuesday, and she ended the conversation with a 'bye '. Now that's progress right?  We talked about school and languages, After i said hey and she responded I asked her if she knew spanish (because she had shared a picture in spanish), and the conversation just developed from that.
> 
> I think I should talk to her again soon. She likes Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit according to her facebook so I could ask her if she's seen the new Hobbit trailer.


good going!

everything is on the up and up


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> If you've already developed kind of a shy guy impression to everyone in the store then yeh it's probably an uphill battle. I would just focus on talking to your fellow employees for now. Just trying to have a normal conversation with them. Establish yourself within the store as an outgoing, confident guy.
> 
> I know that's way easier said than done but it's a process that takes some work and you've got to start somewhere. Why not start at work? I'm sure it gets boring there sometimes and you've got nothing to lose by putting yourself out there a bit. My suggestion? Just ask questions and try to find out about them. Be genuine and listen and take an interest in what they say about themselves. When you actually care what people have to say you'll find it a lot easier to talk to them.
> 
> After you do all that then you can ask people out, in the meantime there are pleeenty of other places to do that.


What if you are an introvert and don't really care to talk to your coworkers? At best it's better than actually doing work. Introversion isn't the same as shyness. Though they can overlap. Lots of shy people are actually extroverts who are afraid of social rejection.

The problem with a lot of dating advice for shy guys is that there is a core assumption that the guy really wants a vibrant social life and is just shy. I have forced myself to be social since the beginning of the year and I find that even when I get comfortable with peoole, I don't particularly enjoy spending time with them more than being with myself. I'm very much an introvert. The reason why social anxiety factors into it all is because I care about whether other people think negatively of me (total schizoids on the other hand just don't give a **** period). And also I'd like a long-term relationship. But I wonder about my capacity to genuinely enjoy one. I find that I tend to fall for girls for narcissistic reasons. I feel good about myself and happy when a girl tells me that she loves me.

I'm not going to give up on dating (I'm taking a break from that and also socially at the moment because I feel tired balancing a full-time schedule with a social life (esp the irrgular sleeping patterns) and I recently developed double vision problems, which the eye doctors are trying to figure it. It might be fatigue-related. Or related to a serious neurological or health problem. Though I did get a physical done in late may and I had an std test last week to make sure I coveredy bases (stds would have to go untreated for a long time to cause vision problems but didn't hurt to get tested). That said, I feel I need to be genuine in the way I approach women and also people in general.


----------



## ravens

I would love to find someone who doesn't want to go out that much. Now if I could get drunk before we went out then I would go out.


----------



## phoenixwright

ravens said:


> I would love to find someone who doesn't want to go out that much. Now if I could get drunk before we went out then I would go out.


I find that alcohol sometimes has a relaxing effect on me and takes away the social anxiety. Though it does no make me more social in nature. I just have a lot less social anxiety in social situations when drunk. Sometimes alcohol doesn't help with SA.

I havent had the opportunity to get drunk in a couple months because I hate not being able to take my car when I plan on getting drunk.


----------



## Canucklehead

phoenixwright said:


> I find that alcohol sometimes has a relaxing effect on me and takes away the social anxiety. Though it does no make me more social in nature. I just have a lot less social anxiety in social situations when drunk. Sometimes alcohol doesn't help with SA.
> 
> I havent had the opportunity to get drunk in a couple months because I hate not being able to take my car when I plan on getting drunk.


While alcohol is fantastic for my confidence levels, I find it hard to connect intellectually with a girl.

Works great if you want to hookup with a dumb bimbo though.


----------



## ravens

Canucklehead said:


> While alcohol is fantastic for my confidence levels, I find it hard to connect intellectually with a girl.
> 
> Works great if you want to hookup with a dumb bimbo though.


I've thought at least I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. 
I would rather have sex with someone I wanted tio be in a relationship with but there comes a time when you just don't give a **** anymore.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> What if you are an introvert and don't really care to talk to your coworkers? At best it's better than actually doing work. Introversion isn't the same as shyness. Though they can overlap. Lots of shy people are actually extroverts who are afraid of social rejection.
> 
> The problem with a lot of dating advice for shy guys is that there is a core assumption that the guy really wants a vibrant social life and is just shy. I have forced myself to be social since the beginning of the year and I find that even when I get comfortable with peoole, I don't particularly enjoy spending time with them more than being with myself. I'm very much an introvert. The reason why social anxiety factors into it all is because I care about whether other people think negatively of me (total schizoids on the other hand just don't give a **** period). And also I'd like a long-term relationship. But I wonder about my capacity to genuinely enjoy one. I find that I tend to fall for girls for narcissistic reasons. I feel good about myself and happy when a girl tells me that she loves me.
> 
> I'm not going to give up on dating (I'm taking a break from that and also socially at the moment because I feel tired balancing a full-time schedule with a social life (esp the irrgular sleeping patterns) and I recently developed double vision problems, which the eye doctors are trying to figure it. It might be fatigue-related. Or related to a serious neurological or health problem. Though I did get a physical done in late may and I had an std test last week to make sure I coveredy bases (stds would have to go untreated for a long time to cause vision problems but didn't hurt to get tested). That said, I feel I need to be genuine in the way I approach women and also people in general.


My personal opinion is that no one is truly introverted to that extreme, but rather due to other psychological factors they believe they are that way. Humans are social animals and to achieve the truest forms of success in life you have to be interdependent (independent but with the ability and desire to enrich your life with social relationships). You say you just dont care what people have to say or think but at the same time you want a successful relationship and you are on this forum trying to improve yourself. Caring about what people have to say negatively about you means you want people to like you.

I get that you dont care about being the life of the party and having hundreds of friends. I get that youre introverted to a point. But i suspect once you break free from the shackles of others' opinions of you affecting you so much you'll find that people become much more interesting to talk to and you will start to actually care. Once that worry and anxiety starts to fade you will be excited to form relationships versus going for them begrudgingly to satisfy your own needs. I think you should continue to try and date, but at the same time focus on working on yourself and your outlook on people.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I've thought at least I wouldn't be a virgin anymore.
> I would rather have sex with someone I wanted tio be in a relationship with but there comes a time when you just don't give a **** anymore.


you are a pretty normal looking guy

what exactly are the reasons for you to have never been in a relationship.


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> you are a pretty normal looking guy
> 
> what exactly are the reasons for you to have never been in a relationship.


In high school I was always laughed at by girls. I always assumed that I was either not attractive or I was too young looking. After high school I gained so much weight that I always felt that no girl would want somebody like me. In the last year or so I've lost most of the weight but I feel that nobody would want somebody that is now unemployed and has no money. I don't see either one of them changing.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> In high school I was always laughed at by girls. I always assumed that I was either not attractive or I was too young looking. After high school I gained so much weight that I always felt that no girl would want somebody like me. In the last year or so I've lost most of the weight but I feel that nobody would want somebody that is now unemployed and has no money. I don't see either one of them changing.


dude you are totally wrong.....just look around tons of women with men who have nothing


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> dude you are totally wrong.....just look around tons of women with men who have nothing


If I could approach girls than things could change. I've just gone years without trying and I just figure thay they would want someone with a career or at least have some money.


----------



## mattigummi

Umm okay, I just talked to the girl I mentioned earlier today again on facebook, this time it lasted for 2 hours! 

But I have no idea what to do next. We're together in english class in school which is 3 times a week, and we're only 7 students in that class.


----------



## Canucklehead

mattigummi said:


> Umm okay, I just talked to the girl I mentioned earlier today again on facebook, this time it lasted for 2 hours!
> 
> But I have no idea what to do next. We're together in english class in school which is 3 times a week, and we're only 7 students in that class.


Keep on talking to her like you are doing right now.

She's talking to you for this long because she likes you. Talk to her like you would online, but in real person. Minus the "lols" and smilies.


----------



## mattigummi

Canucklehead said:


> Keep on talking to her like you are doing right now.
> 
> She's talking to you for this long because she likes you. Talk to her like you would online, but in real person. Minus the "lols" and smilies.


It's just she's always with her friends in the hallways between classes, kinda hard to catch her alone, but i'll try my best.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> My personal opinion is that no one is truly introverted to that extreme, but rather due to other psychological factors they believe they are that way. Humans are social animals and to achieve the truest forms of success in life you have to be interdependent (independent but with the ability and desire to enrich your life with social relationships). You say you just dont care what people have to say or think but at the same time you want a successful relationship and you are on this forum trying to improve yourself. Caring about what people have to say negatively about you means you want people to like you.
> 
> I get that you dont care about being the life of the party and having hundreds of friends. I get that youre introverted to a point. But i suspect once you break free from the shackles of others' opinions of you affecting you so much you'll find that people become much more interesting to talk to and you will start to actually care. Once that worry and anxiety starts to fade you will be excited to form relationships versus going for them begrudgingly to satisfy your own needs. I think you should continue to try and date, but at the same time focus on working on yourself and your outlook on people.


You're looking at it from a polar perspective though. Just because I don't want people to have a negative opinion of me doesn't mean that I desire others to look at me positively. I am fine with indifference or people who look at me neutrally. Because I really don't care to win them over. I do have the desire for a long-term relationship. Because I'm a romantic at heart and look at my past long-term relationship (which was riddled with problems and she wasn't the right one for me. Admittedly, I settled. But I do miss the nice parts) and the fictional love stories (mainly Japanese anime/videogames/manga) and feel that this is what I want.

I appreciate friendships. But I'm not terribly interested in maintaining my social relationships all that much, especially social outings. I trust my friends. I'm just not all that social. I have a friend who feels like he always needs to be out of his apartment doing stuff. I'm not like that at all. I have forced myself to go out every single weekend for 9 months. And this will be the first weekend since mid-January that I will stay in. It's not quite for me. Yeah I've had some fun. But I've always been drained a lot too over that time mentally and there were times where I really felt like going home because whatever we were doing was doing nothing for me.

It's frequently said that "humans are social animals". But there is such a thing as schizoid personality disorder (which is pure/almost pure introversion). I'm not saying that I'm that far into the polar end. But if we look at introversion-extroversion as a spectrum, I'm definitely firmly on the introverted side. A nice example of a parallel: I love my uncle's dog and am affectionate with her. But at the same time I could never own a dog because I would get sick of having to invest so much time on that dog. I'm kinda like that with friendships. I appreciate friends. But I'm not into so much social stimulation. It tires me out, I get bored or may not enjoy myself. And would rather just go home and do my thing.

I'm going to get back in there socially agian when I feel that I've taken my break and recharged mentally. But I'm going to be a lot less social than I was this year. If I find myself getting bored or not enjoying myself, I'm going to go home early or whatever. And not just force myself to be in that situation. Or if they go somewhere I know I'm not interested in going, I'm just going to decline their invite.


----------



## bsd3355

Been half-assing it at school and I'm having a hard time doing what I need to do. It's been getting me down a bit, but I'll come back around


----------



## Zeeshan

mattigummi said:


> It's just she's always with her friends in the hallways between classes, kinda hard to catch her alone, but i'll try my best.


dont force anything if she is with her friends, just hi will do. Make sure you say hi though, you may hurt her feelings if you ignore her. You might get the tendency to ignore her if she is with her friends, dont, say Hi,

You have access to her online anyways, just take it slow in real life, and maybe ask her out the next time.


----------



## hypestyle

i'm working on getting my degree.. better career, better options.. and I can move out on my own finally..


----------



## bsd3355

Some notes I took with relation to overcoming fears in dating:

caring what others think; age stigmas; societal norms (notes)


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Some notes I took with relation to overcoming fears in dating:
> 
> caring what others think; age stigmas; societal norms (notes)


So i have set a goal myself to approach a girl this week.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So i have set a goal myself to approach a girl this week.


awesome! let us know how it goes! :boogie

from what I've seen, most guys who do this from these forums get results very fast; compared to me,_ very _fast


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> So i have set a goal myself to approach a girl this week.


You're doing more than I ever do. Good luck.


----------



## mattigummi

Zeeshan said:


> dont force anything if she is with her friends, just hi will do. Make sure you say hi though, you may hurt her feelings if you ignore her. You might get the tendency to ignore her if she is with her friends, dont, say Hi,
> 
> You have access to her online anyways, just take it slow in real life, and maybe ask her out the next time.


Hurt her feelings? I'm not sure if she's really interested in me, I mean yeah, she likes me maybe but that's not the same, right?

And I don't know if it just me, but I think just saying hi to someone is kinda weird... It's probably my SA, but when I imagine myself saying hi and nothing more, it comes off as awkward, or something, I don't know...

I'll try.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> You're doing more than I ever do. Good luck.


anyone can do this. is it hard? hell yes. well, at least for me anyhow. anyone who has a tendency to care what others think will find it very challenging at times. some guys can do it a lot easier than others, but everyone struggles at some point, especially being the one expected to pursue and get rejected. i can't think of anything that has been a bigger challenge in my entire life. it is easy if you just do it and stick with it but the hardest part is "inner" stuff.


----------



## bsd3355

mattigummi said:


> And I don't know if it just me, but I think just saying hi to someone is kinda weird... It's probably my SA, but when I imagine myself saying hi and nothing more, it comes off as awkward, or something, I don't know...
> 
> I'll try.


Everything about dating is awkward. The sooner you realize and accept this the less you will fight it and go through with it. In fact, it is somewhat a conundrum because, as a man who approaches, usually the more awkward you feel the better because it means you are pushing your comfort levels and growing or approaching lots of girls lol. Human tendency is to avoid awkward instances, but with dating you want to experience as much as possible lol. Does and can it get easier? yes.

i've been thinking about what i am learning from doing this. I like to think I'm learning a lot because usually the struggle with something the more I have to learn. When I don't have the "struggle" with it anymore then I know I am running out of learning experiences regarding the subject. I think the hardest barrier for me is my excessive insecurity to perceive negative feedback from others (caring what others think). ironically, i know how to overcome it for the most part and how to succeed despite it, but it is so powerful a feeling i very rarely overcome it with this subject, and you need to act in spite of your fears to get anywhere. i think this area is so broad i may never overcome it to the extend i'd like. i think you learn to act in spite of it because experiences and perspectives.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> anyone can do this. is it hard? hell yes. well, at least for me anyhow. anyone who has a tendency to care what others think will find it very challenging at times. some guys can do it a lot easier than others, but everyone struggles at some point, especially being the one expected to pursue and get rejected. i can't think of anything that has been a bigger challenge in my entire life. it is easy if you just do it and stick with it but the hardest part is "inner" stuff.


I am going through a very rough day today, kind of lonely this weekend completely. Was texting this girl, but she stopped responding i guess lost interest which really sucks.

so very down right now, plus im on 7 day of nofap. Which has made my desires greater then ever.


----------



## ravens

bwidger85 said:


> anyone can do this. is it hard? hell yes. well, at least for me anyhow. anyone who has a tendency to care what others think will find it very challenging at times. some guys can do it a lot easier than others, but everyone struggles at some point, especially being the one expected to pursue and get rejected. i can't think of anything that has been a bigger challenge in my entire life. it is easy if you just do it and stick with it but the hardest part is "inner" stuff.


It seems like an impossible thing to do. When I'm out I see so many attractive women that I would like to talk to but I never am able to talk to. There are times that I wish I was younger and able to start over. There are times that I think my age is an hinderance to being able to approach a woman.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> It seems like an impossible thing to do. When I'm out I see so many attractive women that I would like to talk to but I never am able to talk to. There are times that I wish I was younger and able to start over. There are times that I think my age is an hinderance to being able to approach a woman.


totally understandable. for me the long term pain gets so large it outweighs the pain to approach, so i do it. last night i couldn't sleep because of it. is it a bit obsessive? yes. but i know if i don't do anything the pain of giving up will be MUCH greater than the pain of approaching and trying. but the positive aspect of this is that it does get easier and this is typically how someone grows and matures as an individual. the pain period is essential in this sense and a requirement. most things start off this way. the healthiest thing someone in emotional turmoil can do is to use the pain as fuel for constructive action. when you think about it, "pain" is an indicator to make a change and find pleasure; it is your body's way to tell you to make a change. it helps us, but only if we take the right actions. ignoring the pain only suppresses it and later makes it worse.

do you need a woman to feel happy? no. can you convince yourself to be happy without one? yes. but for me, i take it as much as a learning experience as i do a pleasure response and so i am not willing to "convince" myself to be happy despite it. but yes, you can be happy without ever being in a relationship so don't think you need one. i would imagine not having any experience with the opposite sex would be very unpleasant though.


----------



## ravens

bwidger85 said:


> totally understandable. for me the long term pain gets so large it outweighs the pain to approach, so i do it. last night i couldn't sleep because of it. is it a bit obsessive? yes. but i know if i don't do anything the pain of giving up will be MUCH greater than the pain of approaching and trying. but the positive aspect of this is that it does get easier and this is typically how someone grows and matures as an individual. the pain period is essential in this sense and a requirement. most things start off this way.


The pain of being lonely should outweigh the pain of fearing approaching women. So far it hasn't but maybe one day I will try. I see myself has being worthless and not being able to approach women.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> The pain of being lonely should outweigh the pain of fearing approaching women. So far it hasn't but maybe one day I will try. I see myself has being worthless and not being able to approach women.


You can do it if you push yourself. But if you don't want it bad enough then that is OK too. In that case, it is fine you are single. Enjoy!

Find out what you really want and then act upon that. Don't do it because other people are doing it. Guys who say the don't want relationships or to date then that is their decision and it shouldn't equate to unhappiness because having or not having women is NOT happiness. You can be happy with or without the experience. _ You are not lacking because you don't have a woman in your life_


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> The pain of being lonely should outweigh the pain of fearing approaching women. So far it hasn't but maybe one day I will try. I see myself has being worthless and not being able to approach women.


That one aspect about you amazes me.

Can i ask you something, are you using porn?


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> That one aspect about you amazes me.
> 
> Can i ask you something, are you using porn?


I watch it almost every single day.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I watch it almost every single day.


yep you have isolated your problem

only nofap can save you now

http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> yep you have isolated your problem
> 
> only nofap can save you now
> 
> http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap


I don't know about that. I have tried stopping before. I have gone a month stopping several times in my life but it hasn't changed anything.


----------



## pete24

Still pretty tough going since my last post in this thread. Since my last girlfriend its been harder than I thought, usually im over women of the past in a month tops. Its been 10 weeks and its still hitting me hard.

Leaves me stuck with a plan of action. I know deep down I will never be over this girl, so really theres never gonna be a right time where I have moved on. However I would like to give myself a chance to meet someone, in case there is anyone like her or better than her out there.

Online dating has been a fail, with very few women im interested in on there. The few I am interested in I have messaged, only to not get a reply. 

Real life is just as big a fail. I have been out with my "friend with benefits" who has pointed out certain nice looking women looking at me. The problem is actually talking to them. Obviously I will never know unless I try, but theres 2 problems, firstly I dont know if the girl thinks my FWB is actually my girlfriend, secondly, im already a loser in this small town, I dont want more people to think it so I have to move away


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Still pretty tough going since my last post in this thread. Since my last girlfriend its been harder than I thought, usually im over women of the past in a month tops. Its been 10 weeks and its still hitting me hard.
> 
> Leaves me stuck with a plan of action. I know deep down I will never be over this girl, so really theres never gonna be a right time where I have moved on. However I would like to give myself a chance to meet someone, in case there is anyone like her or better than her out there.
> 
> Online dating has been a fail, with very few women im interested in on there. The few I am interested in I have messaged, only to not get a reply.
> 
> Real life is just as big a fail. I have been out with my "friend with benefits" who has pointed out certain nice looking women looking at me. The problem is actually talking to them. Obviously I will never know unless I try, but theres 2 problems, firstly I dont know if the girl thinks my FWB is actually my girlfriend, secondly, im already a loser in this small town, I dont want more people to think it so I have to move away


If you already have the perception that everyone thinks you're a loser, then putting yourself out there isn't going to make things worse for you. Yes, you may go out and say the "wrong" thing to a girl and feel bad about it for a few days, but ultimately you'll rise back up and be just where you were before if not in a better place because you've lived and learned. Your other "problem", people thinking that you FWB is your girlfriend. Um...so what if people think that? If you go and talk to a girl and she brings it up, just say "No, she's just my friend." There ya go, now she knows the truth.


----------



## rymo

Went out last night with two friends. We were sitting at a table next to some cute girls and eventually I ended up talking to one of them. Unfortunately this girl turned out to be the most sarcastic, stonewalling ***** I've ever talked to. She was also challenging me at every turn. Testing me. Like she was hot **** or something. Essentially barking out orders, "Okay do this. It would be funny if you did that...", etc. Of course I didn't fall for any of that ****, but man it was annoying. The conversation was going nowhere so eventually I just walked away. But I felt like **** about it because despite the fact that she was a ***** I know I messed up so many things that if I changed maybe things could have gone differently. I felt so awkward and out of sorts the whole night and I just could not get into a groove. I was REACTING to what she was saying instead of being more PROACTIVE and just saying what I wanted to say. I thought I wasn't that bad. That awkward. I thought I was better than that. I just wasn't feeling like I was in GOD MODE. Not even close.

Fast forward a bit, I'm getting a drink at the bar near the dance floor and she happens to be there too. She asks me what I want, implying she wants to buy me a drink. I see that as in indicator of interest, despite how shocked I was that she still wanted to talk after my fails. I buy my own drink and then seize the opportunity by bringing her out on the dance floor and going for it...making out with her. I also got her number. Though I deleted it this morning because she still has a horrible personality and can't make out worth ****.

It's amazing the ability of a woman to tear a guy down (also doesn't help when his two friends are sitting there giggling like schoolgirls at the fact that she's not showing any interest), but I have to practice what I preach and just take it as a learning experience. Next time if a girl is testing me so much, I just need to move on to the next one. I don't have something to prove to anyone. I don't HAVE to succeed with every single girl I talk to. Yes, I made out with her, but it was probably more related to the # of drinks she had rather than anything else.

It's funny because I usually don't care about this kind of thing anymore but maybe with my friends there I really wanted to show them something. Prove to them that I could do it. Why? I don't know. I just don't want to be that goofy, awkward guy anymore..I haven't felt this way in a while so it definitely sucks. It's sad that if I didn't end up making out with her I would have been miserable about the whole night and that is just NOT right. I know I have the ability to take my lumps and move on and still have a good time. I've done it before. This night just wasn't one of those times. 

I felt socially awkward last night and that's scary but it's okay. I'm going to keep this train moving. No matter what.

/hungover blog


----------



## Peter Attis

I don't necessarily agree with this, but I saw it and thought it was fitting for this thread.


----------



## rymo

Peter Attis said:


> I don't necessarily agree with this, but I saw it and thought it was fitting for this thread.


I like it and I tend to agree in most cases, simply because in most cases the guy does nothing to act on his crush and it just grows and festers and makes him miserable. Take action or it becomes exponentially harder. That being said, it's okay to develop a crush on someone who you haven't had a chance to ask out yet, sometimes it just happens and you can't do anything about it.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Went out last night with two friends. We were sitting at a table next to some cute girls and eventually I ended up talking to one of them. Unfortunately this girl turned out to be the most sarcastic, stonewalling ***** I've ever talked to. She was also challenging me at every turn. Testing me. Like she was hot **** or something. Essentially barking out orders, "Okay do this. It would be funny if you did that...", etc. Of course I didn't fall for any of that ****, but man it was annoying. The conversation was going nowhere so eventually I just walked away. But I felt like **** about it because despite the fact that she was a ***** I know I messed up so many things that if I changed maybe things could have gone differently. I felt so awkward and out of sorts the whole night and I just could not get into a groove. I was REACTING to what she was saying instead of being more PROACTIVE and just saying what I wanted to say. I thought I wasn't that bad. That awkward. I thought I was better than that. I just wasn't feeling like I was in GOD MODE. Not even close.
> 
> Fast forward a bit, I'm getting a drink at the bar near the dance floor and she happens to be there too. She asks me what I want, implying she wants to buy me a drink. I see that as in indicator of interest, despite how shocked I was that she still wanted to talk after my fails. I buy my own drink and then seize the opportunity by bringing her out on the dance floor and going for it...making out with her. I also got her number. Though I deleted it this morning because she still has a horrible personality and can't make out worth ****.
> 
> It's amazing the ability of a woman to tear a guy down (also doesn't help when his two friends are sitting there giggling like schoolgirls at the fact that she's not showing any interest), but I have to practice what I preach and just take it as a learning experience. Next time if a girl is testing me so much, I just need to move on to the next one. I don't have something to prove to anyone. I don't HAVE to succeed with every single girl I talk to. Yes, I made out with her, but it was probably more related to the # of drinks she had rather than anything else.
> 
> It's funny because I usually don't care about this kind of thing anymore but maybe with my friends there I really wanted to show them something. Prove to them that I could do it. Why? I don't know. I just don't want to be that goofy, awkward guy anymore..I haven't felt this way in a while so it definitely sucks. It's sad that if I didn't end up making out with her I would have been miserable about the whole night and that is just NOT right. I know I have the ability to take my lumps and move on and still have a good time. I've done it before. This night just wasn't one of those times.
> 
> I felt socially awkward last night and that's scary but it's okay. I'm going to keep this train moving. No matter what.
> 
> /hungover blog


Sounds like a success to me. Sure, you may of not been yourself 100% but you made the right actions to take it to the next level and you are reading social cues very well. From the posts I've seen, you seem to have a good understanding of what needs to be done and you respect yourself and don't take **** from *****es.

Yeah, drinks and that type of environment makes girls do weird ****. You have to watch out though because sometimes girls act like that in a flirtatious manner which probably explains why she later offered to buy you a drink. Sad thing is, it's totally disrespectful for women to act that way and it's a big turn off. Good for you for not rewarding her ****ty behavior by deleting her number. Why would anyone want to put up with that?

Your leading, your reading social cues very well, you respect yourself and you attract women. Sounds like you got your **** together! GJ


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> If you already have the perception that everyone thinks you're a loser, then putting yourself out there isn't going to make things worse for you. Yes, you may go out and say the "wrong" thing to a girl and feel bad about it for a few days, but ultimately you'll rise back up and be just where you were before if not in a better place because you've lived and learned. Your other "problem", people thinking that you FWB is your girlfriend. Um...so what if people think that? If you go and talk to a girl and she brings it up, just say "No, she's just my friend." There ya go, now she knows the truth.


I guess bud. You'd be surprised in this town though because its so small. Its like in the past with x girlfriends iv had in this town. I have got with someone and they have known about me, often even know my local x's. A few of the breakups have not been great (where it just hasnt worked, but they were bad mouthing me) and when I have pulled someone local, theres been times where her friends have said im something im not because of what they have heard and the girls been put off me. As someone once said to me "I know people who have heard of you who havent done morally correct things in life... but even they said your a waste of space".

Being shot down would usually be something people can overcome, but chances are if I am shot down it will be a subject of comedy for some people.

Perhaps your right, but it makes me wonder if they do think shes my girlfriend and are looking for that reason. I think as I mentioned somewhere else, some women have told me they find taken men more attractive because they know its someone they cant have (or something along those lines). Its all complex


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> I guess bud. You'd be surprised in this town though because its so small. Its like in the past with x girlfriends iv had in this town. I have got with someone and they have known about me, often even know my local x's. A few of the breakups have not been great (where it just hasnt worked, but they were bad mouthing me) and when I have pulled someone local, theres been times where her friends have said im something im not because of what they have heard and the girls been put off me. As someone once said to me "I know people who have heard of you who havent done morally correct things in life... but even they said your a waste of space".
> 
> Being shot down would usually be something people can overcome, but chances are if I am shot down it will be a subject of comedy for some people.
> 
> Perhaps your right, but it makes me wonder if they do think shes my girlfriend and are looking for that reason. I think as I mentioned somewhere else, some women have told me they find taken men more attractive because they know its someone they cant have (or something along those lines). Its all complex


I think it's more that they see you are a guy who has some confidence, who can talk to girls. Although some may want what they can't have as well. But whatever the reason, it's something you can use to your advantage.


----------



## ravens

I would love to approach girls. I see so many that I'm attracted to but I just don't ever say anything to them.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Still pretty tough going since my last post in this thread. Since my last girlfriend its been harder than I thought, usually im over women of the past in a month tops. Its been 10 weeks and its still hitting me hard.
> 
> Leaves me stuck with a plan of action. I know deep down I will never be over this girl, so really theres never gonna be a right time where I have moved on. However I would like to give myself a chance to meet someone, in case there is anyone like her or better than her out there.
> 
> Online dating has been a fail, with very few women im interested in on there. The few I am interested in I have messaged, only to not get a reply.
> 
> Real life is just as big a fail. I have been out with my "friend with benefits" who has pointed out certain nice looking women looking at me. The problem is actually talking to them. Obviously I will never know unless I try, but theres 2 problems, firstly I dont know if the girl thinks my FWB is actually my girlfriend, secondly, im already a loser in this small town, I dont want more people to think it so I have to move away


I don't know how you had so much gfs in the past with that mentality? Because usually the guys who are on top of their **** have a good understanding of themselves and other people.

Girls usually don't care who you're with as long as you present who you are to them in the right manner.

Yes, you never know until you try. Women who stare at you at bars is a green light!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I don't know how you had so much gfs in the past with that mentality? Because usually the guys who are on top of their **** have a good understanding of themselves and other people.
> 
> Girls usually don't care who you're with as long as you present who you are to them in the right manner.
> 
> Yes, you never know until you try. Women who stare at you at bars is a green light!


luck plays a large role in love. Some guys have all the luck


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> luck plays a large role in love. Some guys have all the luck


Luck is a factor but it is very random. I don't know how a guy can get "lucky" repeatedly (having multiple girlfriends) with the wrong mindset or personal responsibility unless he is approached often for w/e reason.

Even the notion of "girlfriend" is different than "date" as it implies two people wanting to be together over an extended time, which means value is offered and given by both people.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Luck is a factor but it is very random. I don't know how a guy can get "lucky" repeatedly (having multiple girlfriends) with the wrong mindset or responsibility to take action unless he is approached often for w/e reason.
> 
> Even the notion of "girlfriend" is different than "date" as it implies two people wanting to be together over an extended time, which means value is offered and given by both people.


trust me guys can get repeatedly lucky, i have seen it.

say the chance of getting lucky in love is 1 in 5, well a 3 factor to that is only 1 in 125. Therefore 1 in 125 guys can have 3 hot exes, and just get lucky.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> trust me guys can get repeatedly lucky, i have seen it.
> 
> say the chance of getting lucky in love is 1 in 5, well a 3 factor to that is only 1 in 125. Therefore 1 in 125 guys can have 3 hot exes, and just get lucky.


That sounds very random. 1 in 5 is unrealistic. 1 in 125 is really random to happen repeatedly. There are other reason why someone gets "lucky" repeatedly.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> That sounds very random. 1 in 5 is unrealistic. 1 in 125 is really random to happen repeatedly. There are other reason why someone gets "lucky" repeatedly.


well maybe he is just good looking. There is also pheremones, maybe some guys are just producing the rigth smells, who knows

all i can say, is that in my experience, there is a lot of luck envolved


----------



## Dan iel

Nothing. Very rare to find someone I'm compatible with. So I don't put any effort in. Perhaps I am hoping someone will like me for who I am? (Hahaha)


----------



## Zeeshan

Well i am having 0 luck on this new website which i paid for.

Now i know i am not exactly Brad Pitt, but i have had some measures of success on POF. So my theory was, more success on Match. Not Exactly

Emailed a total of 16 women, total of 0 responses.

What makes the whole thing worse, i know that if it wasnt for my inabiltiy to approach this women in real life, i could easily make any of them fall in love with me.

How unjust the world LOL

Like it wouldnt bother me so much, if i was just like felt i was going way out of my league, but i am not.

so that is the frustration in all this

Dont know why POF is so much more successful,


----------



## Dissonant

Mostly just posting here and trying to get my head sorted out  Pathetic, I know. As for the OP's hypothetical situation, I would have a really difficult time approaching her, not just because of the fear of rejection (although that is an issue, especially with my weight), but also because I'd be too ashamed of my sexual attraction to her and terrified that she'd find out. This makes it difficult for me to set a "positive" goal, because I'm far too self-conscious about being an openly sexual being. I'm working on it though.


----------



## blackeroni

Watching this video:


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Well i am having 0 luck on this new website which i paid for.
> 
> Now i know i am not exactly Brad Pitt, but i have had some measures of success on POF. So my theory was, more success on Match. Not Exactly
> 
> Emailed a total of 16 women, total of 0 responses.
> 
> What makes the whole thing worse, i know that if it wasnt for my inabiltiy to approach this women in real life, i could easily make any of them fall in love with me.
> 
> How unjust the world LOL
> 
> Like it wouldnt bother me so much, if i was just like felt i was going way out of my league, but i am not.
> 
> so that is the frustration in all this
> 
> Dont know why POF is so much more successful,


so far 2 o the girls did reply to emails, though i am unsure it will go anywhere


----------



## Zeeshan

Nothing new to report

havent done my approach yet, hoping to do it soon


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Nothing new to report
> 
> havent done my approach yet, hoping to do it soon


I'm going to have an hour or two to go out tomorrow. I've been busy with school crap lately. Hopefully tomorrow won't be a ***** day where I wuss the **** out again.

My goal is to get four numbers. I don't care if it is on flakey terms. I just want the four numbers lol. If they flake then I can address that later


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I'm going to have an hour or two to go out tomorrow. I've been busy with school crap lately. Hopefully tomorrow won't be a ***** day where I wuss the **** out again.
> 
> My goal is to get four numbers. I don't care if it is on flakey terms. I just want the four numbers lol. If they flake then I can address that later


you must have gotten hundreds of numbers by now

have you not liked any of the girls you have met so far, or are you not looking for a GF?


----------



## FeelNothing

Nothing. I just go to college everyday and come back home without talking to anybody. There are girls that I could possibly talk to though....


----------



## Loveless

I've shaved, I've talked to some. I'm making progress


----------



## ravens

Right now I'm doing the same as always which is nothing. I've been thinking about using a dating site but I just don't know what to put on my profile.


----------



## rymo

I had two horrible dreams last night. The first was about my ex. I haven't wanted to check her fb profile in months, but in my dream I did and when I saw her pictures I became sad and jealous of her new bf. Fortunately, when I woke up I had no desire to check her page and I didn't care about any of the things I "saw" on her page.

Second dream I approached my crush (first girl I ever liked, way back in elementary school, hung out with her and her friends recently when we happened to run into them) and got totally rejected. The rest of the dream I spent devising a plot to run into her again and try a second time, but it never panned out. Fortunately, I woke up and now I actually feel like asking her out.

Two terrible dreams that actually made me feel better when I woke up, BUT it exposes something that I've been feeling lately. Yes, I'm more confident than in the past. Yes, I've been having a lot of success. But when I don't have success...I still let the negative get to me. I beat myself up too much. That confidence drains away far too quickly. And I'm never going to be truly happy unless I can stay afloat when things go bad. To find that inner confidence that does not go away. I'm getting there, but maybe the last week has been a rough patch.

Not gonna stop the train from moving. My goal is to ask out my crush via FB (don't have her contact info) today or whenever I see her online next. If she doesn't want to, it's okay. All that means is that she is not the one for me. It's not a reflection on me as a person at all. If she says yes, cool


----------



## rymo

Dissonant said:


> Mostly just posting here and trying to get my head sorted out  Pathetic, I know. As for the OP's hypothetical situation, I would have a really difficult time approaching her, not just because of the fear of rejection (although that is an issue, especially with my weight), but also because I'd be too ashamed of my sexual attraction to her and terrified that she'd find out. This makes it difficult for me to set a "positive" goal, because I'm far too self-conscious about being an openly sexual being. I'm working on it though.


I wonder why you are ashamed of being sexually attracted to a girl? Do you feel unworthy? Did you grow up in a really religious household?


----------



## ravens

rymo said:


> I wonder why you are ashamed of being sexually attracted to a girl? Do you feel unworthy? Did you grow up in a really religious household?


I've felt a little like that in the past. For the past 20 years I was very overweight and when I saw some girl that I was attracted to I would think that she wouldn't like me because of my weight. I've lost most of the weight that I gained since high school and now I would like to get a girlfriend but my anxiety is back like it was in high school. I haven't tried approaching anybody since high school so I didn't have that much anxiety. I also have problems because I don't have much money or a job and I feel that she could find someone better than myself.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> I had two horrible dreams last night. The first was about my ex. I haven't wanted to check her fb profile in months, but in my dream I did and when I saw her pictures I became sad and jealous of her new bf. Fortunately, when I woke up I had no desire to check her page and I didn't care about any of the things I "saw" on her page.
> 
> Second dream I approached my crush (first girl I ever liked, way back in elementary school, hung out with her and her friends recently when we happened to run into them) and got totally rejected. The rest of the dream I spent devising a plot to run into her again and try a second time, but it never panned out. Fortunately, I woke up and now I actually feel like asking her out.
> 
> Two terrible dreams that actually made me feel better when I woke up, BUT it exposes something that I've been feeling lately. Yes, I'm more confident than in the past. Yes, I've been having a lot of success. But when I don't have success...I still let the negative get to me. I beat myself up too much. That confidence drains away far too quickly. And I'm never going to be truly happy unless I can stay afloat when things go bad. To find that inner confidence that does not go away. I'm getting there, but maybe the last week has been a rough patch.
> 
> Not gonna stop the train from moving. My goal is to ask out my crush via FB (don't have her contact info) today or whenever I see her online next. If she doesn't want to, it's okay. All that means is that she is not the one for me. It's not a reflection on me as a person at all. If she says yes, cool


I'm srschirm and I approve this message.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I wonder why you are ashamed of being sexually attracted to a girl? Do you feel unworthy? Did you grow up in a really religious household?


Society is pretty ****ed up when it comes to this. I can't blame him. In reality, people want to bang the hell out of each other. It's hypocritical and BS


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Society is pretty ****ed up when it comes to this. I can't blame him. In reality, people want to bang the hell out of each other. It's hypocritical and BS


 True story.


----------



## Dissonant

rymo said:


> I wonder why you are ashamed of being sexually attracted to a girl? Do you feel unworthy? Did you grow up in a really religious household?


Oh man, that's a question with a really long answer and I don't wanna derail the thread. I'm gonna start my blog soon, I'll write it up there. Short answer is that I grew up with an abusive dad and as a child when I saw women bash men for being filthy perverts and sexual objectifiers I started to demonize male sexuality. Then I hit puberty  I'm working on the issue though, I've come a long way from where I used to be


----------



## bsd3355

0/3 on getting any numbers today  Going to try a few more times later then call it a day. I almost always fail when I set out with "goals" in mind. The 4 number thing today definitely doesn't' look like it is going to happen but it is mainly due to the fact I'm mentally strained doing this and I give up way too early with bad emotions. I can't even accept it is a success that I'm trying


----------



## Dissonant

bwidger85 said:


> I can't even accept it is a success that I'm trying


I totally understand why you feel that way, but I think you're incorrect. It IS a success that you're trying, whether you feel that way or not.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> 0/3 on getting any numbers today  Going to try a few more times later then call it a day. I almost always fail when I set out with "goals" in mind. The 4 number thing today definitely doesn't' look like it is going to happen but it is mainly due to the fact I'm mentally strained doing this and I give up way too early with bad emotions. I can't even accept it is a success that I'm trying


Can you give a rundown of one of the interactions and why you think it failed? Maybe some examples of things said?


----------



## rymo

Just asked out my crush on FB...FINALLY after weeks of procrastinating. Basically, it didn't go horribly. She didn't reject me, but she didn't jump on the opportunity either. I asked if she wanted to get lunch on Friday, and she said she goes and visits her uncle and niece on Fridays (confirmed via her fb pics). I asked about Saturday and she said she has to work. At that point the ONLY way to play it is to play it cool, so I said:

_- no worries, if you're interested txt me sometime [###-###-####] 
- have a good one_

By not reacting and just acting like it doesn't matter she will think much more highly of me than if I whined or begged or anything like that. Putting the ball in her court shows her that I'm confident and I don't care about the outcome either way. It's tough to put the power in the girl's hands, but sometimes ya gotta do it.

I'm not exactly counting on her texting me or msging me, and I don't even care that much. It would be nice, but I just feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it was an accomplishment just facing those fears. This is the first girl who ever rejected me, when I was like 10...she represents a past full of misery (not b/c of her specifically, I have no ill will towards her), and facing that head on was really tough. I can say now that regardless of what happens I faced my painful past. Despite all the socially awkward moments from my childhood and teenage years I can jump right back in the middle of it and GRAB IT AND LIFT IT OVER MY HEAD AND BREAK ITS BACK OVER MY KNEE AND PILEDRIVE IT THROUGH THE EARTH. RAAAWWRRR


----------



## Killer2121

I'm dreaming and hoping.


----------



## brownzerg

Trying to get out more and more and smile.

Also picking the weights back up even if I'm not very good at sticking with it.

Putting in applications just about everywhere i can.


----------



## pbandjam

Just trying to be me at the moment. I signed up to learn salsa dancing and then just having a more positive attitude in life...

I'm not sure I can do anything more now anyway. My SA and deep seated inferiority complex has to be removed in order for me to tackle dating :I


----------



## ravens

brownzerg said:


> Trying to get out more and more and smile.
> 
> Also picking the weights back up even if I'm not very good at sticking with it.
> 
> Putting in applications just about everywhere i can.


I need to get out more and smile too. I've been lifting weights off an on for about a year. I haven't lifted for a couple of weeks. I need to get back to lifting.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Just asked out my crush on FB...FINALLY after weeks of procrastinating. Basically, it didn't go horribly. She didn't reject me, but she didn't jump on the opportunity either. I asked if she wanted to get lunch on Friday, and she said she goes and visits her uncle and niece on Fridays (confirmed via her fb pics). I asked about Saturday and she said she has to work. At that point the ONLY way to play it is to play it cool, so I said:
> 
> _- no worries, if you're interested txt me sometime [###-###-####]
> - have a good one_
> 
> By not reacting and just acting like it doesn't matter she will think much more highly of me than if I whined or begged or anything like that. Putting the ball in her court shows her that I'm confident and I don't care about the outcome either way. It's tough to put the power in the girl's hands, but sometimes ya gotta do it.
> 
> I'm not exactly counting on her texting me or msging me, and I don't even care that much. It would be nice, but I just feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it was an accomplishment just facing those fears. This is the first girl who ever rejected me, when I was like 10...she represents a past full of misery (not b/c of her specifically, I have no ill will towards her), and facing that head on was really tough. I can say now that regardless of what happens I faced my painful past. Despite all the socially awkward moments from my childhood and teenage years I can jump right back in the middle of it and GRAB IT AND LIFT IT OVER MY HEAD AND BREAK ITS BACK OVER MY KNEE AND PILEDRIVE IT THROUGH THE EARTH. RAAAWWRRR


I'm beginning to realize the power of this thread. You couldn't of played it better given your circumstances. You and all the other guys who keep trying, I have a serious respect for.

You asked what the interactions were like earlier. Fyi, I do not count approaches that I show no intent (showing my interest). I often do some approaches that are to ask for directions but I don't show my intent so it goes no where. In these three instances I showed my intent. It was outside at campus when I stopped them asking for directions to a building then I say they are cute and try to get into conversation. The first girl just looked at me weird and I tried to say something I usually don't do but been watching some videos about keep trying: "Hey, wait a second. I want to keep talking to you.", but this didn't go well. It didn't feel right and she kept walking and I was embarrassed as **** as some dude was walking past. A little further down I see another girl walking up some steps and I do the same thing. They basically seemed to keep walking if I try to get into conversation, and once again I tried to get her to stop by saying, "Do you not want to talk?"....she said "no" and kept walking. The third girl I can't really remember to be honest.

I feel defeated today because I had high expectations and also because I thought I had this thing beat inside of me, the fear. I guess not. The more I remain afraid the more I beat myself up because it seems like I'm not gaining any ground on this. I keep thinking about how to not make it awkward, direct vs direct, natural verses can ****, how to not care about what people think, etc., etc., etc., but from what I've experienced is it comes down to a certain vibe. If I had a good vibe and I'm positive it typically ends well believe it or not. I've been beating myself up a lot lately.

I watch videos of these guys of all ages doing this **** and it seems like they aren't bothered at all about other people. Then I see the girls respond so good to them and I'm like "wtf". Everyone gets rejected and everyone has to approach but some of these guys seriously are not affected by what people think and I wish I could get there mentally. I honestly think if I could stop caring about what people think all my problems would be solved because I'd simply keep trying like a video game as lame as that sounds. I am seriously affected by people around me because I am caught up in what people will think, and I can write all day about ways to overcome it (I do it all the time) but I CANNOT get over this specific thing. I can do it in a lot of cases but not this one and it is super frustrating. There have been instances where I didn't feel it but my mentality is all ****ed up. Two of my biggest mental blocks is my age and what others will think. I am constantly brainstorming ways to overcome it but then I get out there and it all goes out the window. Super frustrating.

Regardless, I see it as a sadder end if I was to give up completely and not try. I know if I can overcome certain things within myself then I'll be in good shape, but I'm beginning to doubt if what I feel now will always be with me because I feel like I've tried everything.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to try to just go direct off the cuff and see what happens. I haven't done it for a while. I look for the security of indirect first usually but I've been noticing I'm probably cmoing off as insincere for the sudden indirect to direct switch so I'm just going to be honest and say why I stopped them with no BS indirect stuff.


----------



## bsd3355

Dissonant said:


> I totally understand why you feel that way, but I think you're incorrect. It IS a success that you're trying, whether you feel that way or not.


Thanks, man. I like to at least try and think that way. I know I'd be better off for being less detached from the outcome. We all know how innately difficult this is however. I wish one day I can get there


----------



## Zeeshan

This thread is powerful indeed

i see its continuation long into the future, at the very least by myself, i want it to continue until the day i end up with the girl i will be with for the rest of my life

I have many frustrations in life. With online dating, with off line dating, but what can i do. This is what this thread teaches, it teaches us that you can find someone who will make you happy. You just gotta keep looking. 

Hech at the very least if you spend your time trying, you can at least justify it to yourself, Rymo teaches us a good lesson.

I am trying my best with the person i am today, it may not be enough, and if it isnt what can i do. 

I think online people have unrealistic expectations esp women. offline though many are brought down to the level. Who knows, anyways keep trying that is what i say

keep trying to get a girl you want, as for me i havent done my approach. However dont think i wont keep setting that goal for myself until i do it


----------



## bsd3355

Feeling like I'm too old for these college girls. It's putting high pressure on me and making me very self-conscious. I'll probably stop approaching girls at campus for a while unless I really find someone I really, really want to approach, but for the most part they all seem younger and younger and it feels stranger, and stranger to me. Maybe I am too old for these girls? Idk, I can't decide if it is an excuse or reality, but I'm giving in and I'm going to try to approach girls my closer to my age, I think mainly because it feels less awkward to me. I really hate that feeling inside of me telling me I'm that "old guy" hitting on campus girls all the time lol. Seriously. It bugs the hell out of me. The only reason I do it is because they are everywhere at college and they aren't typically out of shape. I _think _it is harder to find women who get older who tend to tend to take good care of themselves, and if they do they are typically in relationships, but who knows, maybe I'm just kidding myself.

So I went out today thinking I was going to approach at college and when I got there all the girls reminded me of fetuses (joke) and I even had some opportunities but they just seem too young! So I made the decision to accept that maybe I'm too old for approaching some of these younger campus girls and I went to target to see if, by a significantly lesser chance, I found someone nearer my own age of whom I thought I'd like to talk to. I go in and amazingly I find a girl who is pretty cute and she doesn't remind me of a fetus, so I walk by real quick and grab a Redbull, turn back around and she's working there (a clerk) scanning items and I say, "Excuse me, do you have any half-priced shampoo?"--I have no idea why I said that but I didn't care. She says, "Ummmm..." and start walking over the shampoo area and I just stop her and say, "Haha, I'm just kidding. Honestly, the reason I asked because I thought you were cute and I wanted to say hello". She smiles and says, "..as I was blowing my nose!"...(she just got done blowing her nose when I approached lol). I teased her a little about that and then said something about a product near me because it reminded me of cows' eyeballs (it was weird stuff). Later I ask if she likes to text and she says she has a boyfriend. I really liked how the interaction felt though. It felt extremely natural and it felt fun and good. I literally didn't even hesitate when I approached (I approached her in the middle of the shopping isle in front of people). Her attitude was friendly and I was sincere. It just felt really good.

That interaction solidified that maybe me going after younger girls is putting too much pressure on me. That, in fact, maybe I'm better off approaching women closer to my own age. Idk. It just felt easy and light. I like to think of myself as someone who isn't really controlled by societal pressures, but I really am, and this age thing has been a hurdle of sorts that is very challenging, and it may actually do me good to stop going after younger girls. I am not sold on the idea that just because a girl is younger there won't be a "connection" on different levels, so I think I'm doing this mainly to feel less pressure.

Anyway, going to go out tonight to a bar/club for the first time in about 2 months. I'll report back IF I actually go--I realize I say I'm going to do something then often don't do it sometime, but I do want to go tonight.

Alright, that's it for now. Later

p.s. I'm going to keep a little journal of my approaches just because it interests me. I want to see how many approaches I do in a month to month basis and how they go. I'm also curious to see if there are any correlations with anything. I can confidently say I've broken the 50-approach mark now in real life situations (all approaches showing my intent) . It feels good. Since the 25th of this month, 4 approaches so far


----------



## srschirm

I love your posts, BWidger.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

srschirm said:


> I love your posts, BWidger.


 Same here +1


----------



## Zeeshan

I failed at my goal to approach a girl

i am setting it again for this week


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I failed at my goal to approach a girl
> 
> i am setting it again for this week


Good man, it doesn't matter if you fail as long as you keep on trying. Persistence is key...and that leads into my story for the day...

Previously I had mentioned that I asked out to lunch an elementary school crush over FB. She didn't straight out reject me, but she didn't agree either, so it was essentially a rejection. But I didn't care, I was just so happy that I had done it. Fast forward to last night, my friend and I go out to a local bar, and guess who just happens to be there? Crush, her sister, her sister's boyfriend, and a gaggle of other girls. Wow..you guessed it! How did you know?

I wanted to facepalm and run away, but they had already seen us. Now I get to hang out with my elementary school crush who rejected me twice! Woooo! :roll I started out talking to her sister and her sister's boyfriend, and I eventually asked her about crush. She told me to ask her out in person, so that gave me a nice confidence boost. The happy couple left pretty soon after, and my friend and I got to work infiltrating this table of girls. I was having a pretty fun conversation with two of them about AAA (one of them works there) and the crazy things people come into her store asking, and eventually I worked my way around the table and sat next to crush (it was a crazy, shifting seating arrangement with everyone going to the bathroom and coming back). I talked to her for like 5 seconds and then she said she has to go to the bathroom. When she didn't come back for what seemed like 5 hours, it was clear she was avoiding me. In fact, she barely made eye contact with me at all before that.

When she finally came back, she sat on the end of the table. I had to run to the bathroom, and when I came back she had switched with another girl! She was no longer at the end of the table because she didn't want to sit next to me! BAHAHAAHHA! Unbelievable. But I didn't let that stop me. My friend and I decided to let them enjoy their girls' night out and as we were saying bye I motioned crush to come over to me (like this). She did, and it went something like this:

*ME:* "Come to lunch with me."

*HER:* _"Is that a demand?"_

*ME:* "Yes."

*HER:* _"When?"_

*ME:* "Tuesday"

*HER:* _"I just...I have work and stuff."_

*ME:* "Haha...I know you have time because you visit your uncle and nephew on Fridays during lunch. That one's not going to work.

*HER:* _lawl...well I dunno honestly I just don't know what I'm doing with my life right now and that's why I'm single and I don't want to lead anyone on._

*ME:* "[crush's name]...it's just lunch. If you are looking for a ring I might be able to provide that for you, but honestly it's just lunch and I'm not going to fall in love with you after one date."

*HER:* _"You never know.."_

*ME:* "Haha...I suppose not. Come to lunch, it's no big deal. You're not going to lead me on." [if anything i'm gonna lead you on ya tramp!!!!!!] <-- didn't actually say that

*HER:* _"Ok"_

*ME:* "What's your number?"
...proceed to get #, tell her to have a good night, and then bounce.


----------



## rymo

Moral of the story...persistence is a good thing. HOWEVER, there is good and bad persistence. In this situation, BAD persistence would have been if I were staring at her the whole night. If I didn't say anything to her. If I asked her friends if she liked me. If I asked her friends for her #. Those things are CREEPY and show a lack of confidence.

GOOD persistence is not acknowledging the fact that she was sorta trying to avoid me and instead just trying to have a good time with everyone. Then, when the time was right just cutting through all the bull****, pulling her out of her group of friends in front of all of them, and just asking her out. 

You can also start out with good persistence and push it to such an extreme that it becomes bad. For example, if I had done everything right like I just mentioned, but then when I asked her out she still said no, then I would have had to just let it go. If I didn't, and I kept talking to her a lot on FB or asking her out if I ran into her, that would become creepy rather quickly.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Good man, it doesn't matter if you fail as long as you keep on trying. Persistence is key...and that leads into my story for the day...
> 
> Previously I had mentioned that I asked out to lunch an elementary school crush over FB. She didn't straight out reject me, but she didn't agree either, so it was essentially a rejection. But I didn't care, I was just so happy that I had done it. Fast forward to last night, my friend and I go out to a local bar, and guess who just happens to be there? Crush, her sister, her sister's boyfriend, and a gaggle of other girls. Wow..you guessed it! How did you know?
> 
> I wanted to facepalm and run away, but they had already seen us. Now I get to hang out with my elementary school crush who rejected me twice! Woooo! :roll I started out talking to her sister and her sister's boyfriend, and I eventually asked her about crush. She told me to ask her out in person, so that gave me a nice confidence boost. The happy couple left pretty soon after, and my friend and I got to work infiltrating this table of girls. I was having a pretty fun conversation with two of them about AAA (one of them works there) and the crazy things people come into her store asking, and eventually I worked my way around the table and sat next to crush (it was a crazy, shifting seating arrangement with everyone going to the bathroom and coming back). I talked to her for like 5 seconds and then she said she has to go to the bathroom. When she didn't come back for what seemed like 5 hours, it was clear she was avoiding me. In fact, she barely made eye contact with me at all before that.
> 
> When she finally came back, she sat on the end of the table. I had to run to the bathroom, and when I came back she had switched with another girl! She was no longer at the end of the table because she didn't want to sit next to me! BAHAHAAHHA! Unbelievable. But I didn't let that stop me. My friend and I decided to let them enjoy their girls' night out and as we were saying bye I motioned crush to come over to me (like this). She did, and it went something like this:
> 
> *ME:* "Come to lunch with me."
> 
> *HER:* _"Is that a demand?"_
> 
> *ME:* "Yes."
> 
> *HER:* _"When?"_
> 
> *ME:* "Tuesday"
> 
> *HER:* _"I just...I have work and stuff."_
> 
> *ME:* "Haha...I know you have time because you visit your uncle and nephew on Fridays during lunch. That one's not going to work.
> 
> *HER:* _lawl...well I dunno honestly I just don't know what I'm doing with my life right now and that's why I'm single and I don't want to lead anyone on._
> 
> *ME:* "[crush's name]...it's just lunch. If you are looking for a ring I might be able to provide that for you, but honestly it's just lunch and I'm not going to fall in love with you after one date."
> 
> *HER:* _"You never know.."_
> 
> *ME:* "Haha...I suppose not. Come to lunch, it's no big deal. You're not going to lead me on." [if anything i'm gonna lead you on ya tramp!!!!!!] <-- didn't actually say that
> 
> *HER:* _"Ok"_
> 
> *ME:* "What's your number?"
> ...proceed to get #, tell her to have a good night, and then bounce.


There is someone else in her life. Either someone she is after, or someone who has left her and she still isnt over. In her mind she thinks that she is going to get back with x, so she is trying not to lead you on (Which i believe) But i think you are going to have to make your move fast. If you get her alone you have to make your move (Just IMO)


----------



## Zeeshan

So i had two chances today to reach my goal and i failed to do it

First there was a hot chick in line before me at macdonalds while i was getting my coffee, i kept saying say something say something but in the end the excuses won. I am very good on my feet, and very witty. I know that if i can start a conversation i will be fine, i can think of many interesting things to say. 

Then at walmart there was a totally hot girl there. I knew that i could have totally picked her up, just my type. She was working at some booth all alone, but again i couldnt do it. Just my head filled with various excuses.

Excuses such as

* you dont look good right now
she is gonna freak out
She isnt interested
she is busy
Its not normal
you can do it next time you come here
your doing x right now
she probably already has someone
your breath smells
she is just gonna say no, so dont even bother


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> There is someone else in her life. Either someone she is after, or someone who has left her and she still isnt over. In her mind she thinks that she is going to get back with x, so she is trying not to lead you on (Which i believe) But i think you are going to have to make your move fast. If you get her alone you have to make your move (Just IMO)


lol, anything's possible, but her sister encouraged me to ask her out so if there really was someone she is after then sis probably wouldn't have pushed me to do that. Whatever the case may be, it really doesn't matter. All I can do is be a boss and show her a good time. Any other circumstances or issues don't really concern me.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> lol, anything's possible, but her sister encouraged me to ask her out so if there really was someone she is after then sis probably wouldn't have pushed me to do that. Whatever the case may be, it really doesn't matter. All I can do is be a boss and show her a good time. Any other circumstances or issues don't really concern me.


That is a good attitude, i am sure you will make your move if you get her alone. That will tell you everything you need to know


----------



## bsd3355

Rymo, i don't think i'm that persistent. good for sticking in there! usually a girl tells me no i'm like "alright, w/e" and I move on. haha, you pushed that one for sure lol. nice. watch this turn out to be how you meet your next girlfriend, i'll **** myself

zeeshan, it's all good. that happens a lot. just try to keep your head up and keeping thinking on those actions and try to take action and you'll do it eventually. from what i've read of you, you seem like you have a lot of potential to have girls very excited to talk to you. i think you'll do well


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Rymo, i don't think i'm that persistent. good for sticking in there! usually a girl tells me no i'm like "alright, w/e" and I move on. haha, you pushed that one for sure lol. nice. watch this turn out to be how you meet your next girlfriend, i'll **** myself
> 
> zeeshan, it's all good. that happens a lot. just try to keep your head up and keeping thinking on those actions and try to take action and you'll do it eventually. from what i've read of you, you seem like you have a lot of potential to have girls very excited to talk to you. i think you'll do well


TBH it is his crush. How many guys get another shot like that. I know id like another shot at my high school crush


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> TBH it is his crush. How many guys get another shot like that. I know id like another shot at my high school crush


Yeh I mean if it were some random girl I doubt I would have tried that much. But all those feelings from a million years ago are flooding back in and as much as I DON'T want that to happen, it's just how I feel. So I'm going for it


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Yeh I mean if it were some random girl I doubt I would have tried that much. But all those feelings from a million years ago are flooding back in and as much as I DON'T want that to happen, it's just how I feel. So I'm going for it


you should good luck


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Yeh I mean if it were some random girl I doubt I would have tried that much. But all those feelings from a million years ago are flooding back in and as much as I DON'T want that to happen, it's just how I feel. So I'm going for it


i mean, who knows? maybe being more persistent is a good thing? from my perspective, the more experiences you get the better off and more well-rounded you'll be in general with this subject, which is good obviously


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> i mean, who knows? maybe being more persistent is a good thing? from my perspective, the more experiences you get the better off and more well-rounded you'll be in general with this subject, which is good obviously


I wish i had the ability to do what you do

I feel so helpless when it comes to approaching women. It truly is sad.


----------



## bsd3355

Haha, alright, this is a good report...

I'm kind of buzzing so this might be w/e but here we go..

So I made the decision to do out at night tonight (club/bar w/e). I went to a local club called the dusty. It is a country club/bar. On wednesdays it is really packed so I figured I'd check it out on a Saturday. Well, when I got there alone--as I go out alone often--it seemed kind of dead and an older crowd. I had a beer and then lfeft thinking I would check out the college scene at some bars I usually go to by my house.

When I arrive, I park my car and walk over to the zypher. I get inside and walk straight to the bar. I order my drink and some older guy--easily in his 40's--decides to pull up a stool beside me. I could tell he was the talkative type by his energy. In a way I was relieved because I figured it could help me get social as I was by myself until that moment. Well, he tells me a story about how he got pulled over for having weed in his car and they want to charge him like an OVI. I've talked to older guys at bars befor and usually they are pretty distraught about life and end up being weirdos, but this guy was cool and I could tell he was just a social cool guy. So we ended up shooting the **** for about 15-20 minutes about a whole bunch of stuff. What's weird is when you do this ****, especially in a college bar, girls ****ing notice it, almost as if I'm something "special". I don't know how else to describe it. But what ended up happening is the most interesting part...

So I'm shooting the **** with this older guy and this SMOKING hot girl sits by me and I knew she was trying to get my attention because she was pressing her legs against me and she ****ing bought me a PITCHER of ****ing beer! In my head I'm thinking, "Holy crap, this is so weird how his ****ing works". So automatically I know instinctively she is trying to get my attention. She's rubbing her legs against me and I drink the rest of my beer; she gets me a cup and asks what I'm drinking and then I tell her and she buys a ****ing pitcher of it and then gives me an empty cup to drink from; she doesn't leave my side, literally like a magnet to my body--I have no space to turn literally. This may sound wired, and I guess it is, because SOME women just respond to status and a "chill" vibe. I mean, I go in with the intention to buy a beer and chill and some dude starts randomly talking to me and I know for a fact this is what attracts the girl to me, because she saw that. It's ****ing weird...


Anyway, so I'm sitting there drinking the beer I bought for myself before she came and the beer she gave me via the pitcher and I could tell she was SERIOUSLY trying to get my attention. She was pretty ecstatic and all over the place and it made me uncomfortable. Her friend (another girl around the same age--probably yr 22-25) is standing there beside her just chilling and I could tell she was the "calm" sober one obviously because the girl who was trying to get my attention was ****ing all over the place crazy. So being I knew I could literally just sit there and the girl would be trying to get my attention, I literally just chilled and relaxed and eventually the sober one saw me playing with some change I had and asked to play some pool. I agreed. At this point there was NO fear and NO anxiety on my end. I had the hottest girls in the bar straight trying to get my attention simply because I was chill and talking to an older dude. It's ****ing weird..

So we are playing pool and the ecstatic girl gets even more ecstatic to the point where it was almost embarrassing. She starts rubbing herself all over me, and being that I know this is a good thing, it was STILL uncomfortable as **** because she was so freakin ecstatic it was like "damn, hold the hell up!". Bu er friend was still chill and I was attracted to that so I started talking to her and I felt a kind of vibe. I knew the other girl was way to crazy to even talk to so I just got the number of the calm one and instead of waiting to get arrested because the crazy one was s flailing pool sticks around, I got the number of the sober one and told them to meet me at waterstreet (bar) if they wanted to hang out later. These girls were like REALLY hot and it amazes me how even though they were good looking, the crazy one was literally frekain me out. When I told them that I was going to waterstreet the crazy one told her friend I was "messing up her game" like I was the one being ****ing courted. Lol. Unfortunately, I think me leaving was a BIG, BIG, BIIIIIIIIIG mistake.

I go to the waterstreet bar and at this point I'm so in "state" (good mood) I talk to everyone one and I enjoy myself. I end up taking to like 5 girls just in a span of minutes. One girl smells like hella good so I tell her she has the "[imp juice" on (lol) and this prompts her friends to get me to smell their hair and tell me who was the one with the pimp juice! And so I'm talking to four girls and they ask if I want a shot with them and I'm standing in line at the bar for a shot and I start taking to girls to the left of me...and ****ing...blah blah blah blah...i'm sop in a great state of mind and everything is clicking. And I text the "sober" girl from the zypher and see what they were up to and I saw I'm at the waterstreet and I get a text back from the sober one "I'm from cleveland. LOL. That means nothing to me", and when I read that I took it as a negative. I get bored so I decide to see how far I can take it with the girls I met at the zypher and I text them saying I'm back at the zypher when I get there and she doesn't text me back. After 20 minutes I bounce.


****ing crazy, crazy, crazy night...


Experiencing what I experienced, this night and nights before, social status; how you conduct yourself in public, and how you maintain your originality (confidence/personality) means so, so, so much to a woman who doesn't know who you are. It is intriguing. Obviously, not all women are the same, but from the past, I've experienced this before many times...

Seriously, if you want to be "attractive" then you need to know who you are; what your about; have boundaries; respect for yourself; do not supplicate for anyone regardless of societal influences (people are all humans after all), etc. When you combine all those things together you are ****ing attractive to a lot of women! Period. When a girl sees that she is intrigued enough to literally pursue you. What it all comes down to is value. What "value" do you express? How would others interpret that value? When a girl doesn't know who you are and you express yourself as a confident, social person, you are giving off an optimal and attractive persona.

Idk man, I have to pee really bad and i think I'm to really expand on this... good stuff tonight...

next time i will stay longer with the girls to really build comfort and trust and it'll be good times...i learn from my mistakes...


MISTAKES:

1. Left the "sober" girl alone and went to waterstreet; didn't build enough connect and rapport with her to make it solid

2. didn't go for more numbers; solid connections. I should of taken advantage of the vibe I had and went balls out. AT least it is good to understand certain things now


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I wish i had the ability to do what you do
> 
> I feel so helpless when it comes to approaching women. It truly is sad.


girls just want you to be the confident person you are. when you can do this they'll LOVE you

because girls expect a man to be the pursuer, you pursue by BEING YOURSELF confidently and calmly and you'll project the optimal you

so many girls care more about your personality and how you interact with the world than your looks, regardless of how physically appealing the girl is. i know, sounds strange, but it's true! not all girls obviously, so don't put them in a box, but a lot of girls...

i like myself and i know i have the instinct within me to really turn a girls emotions upside down. a girl who doesn't like you won't allow you to do that so it is a balancing act and an intuitive thing you need to be able to sense and see via the interaction.... i think every guy has it in him, like every girl has it in her to respond to create polarity of attraction between the sexes.....it's a male/female dynamic that is instinctual...i'm sure you felt it before....that is what it is....very interesting stuff


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Haha, alright, this is a good report...
> 
> I'm kind of buzzing so this might be w/e but here we go..
> 
> So I made the decision to do out at night tonight (club/bar w/e). I went to a local club called the dusty. It is a country club/bar. On wednesdays it is really packed so I figured I'd check it out on a Saturday. Well, when I got there alone--as I go out alone often--it seemed kind of dead and an older crowd. I had a beer and then lfeft thinking I would check out the college scene at some bars I usually go to by my house.
> 
> When I arrive, I park my car and walk over to the zypher. I get inside and walk straight to the bar. I order my drink and some older guy--easily in his 40's--decides to pull up a stool beside me. I could tell he was the talkative type by his energy. In a way I was relieved because I figured it could help me get social as I was by myself until that moment. Well, he tells me a story about how he got pulled over for having weed in his car and they want to charge him like an OVI. I've talked to older guys at bars befor and usually they are pretty distraught about life and end up being weirdos, but this guy was cool and I could tell he was just a social cool guy. So we ended up shooting the **** for about 15-20 minutes about a whole bunch of stuff. What's weird is when you do this ****, especially in a college bar, girls ****ing notice it, almost as if I'm something "special". I don't know how else to describe it. But what ended up happening is the most interesting part...
> 
> So I'm shooting the **** with this older guy and this SMOKING hot girl sits by me and I knew she was trying to get my attention because she was pressing her legs against me and she ****ing bought me a PITCHER of ****ing beer! In my head I'm thinking, "Holy crap, this is so weird how his ****ing works". So automatically I know instinctively she is trying to get my attention. She's rubbing her legs against me and I drink the rest of my beer; she gets me a cup and asks what I'm drinking and then I tell her and she buys a ****ing pitcher of it and then gives me an empty cup to drink from; she doesn't leave my side, literally like a magnet to my body--I have no space to turn literally. This may sound wired, and I guess it is, because SOME women just respond to status and a "chill" vibe. I mean, I go in with the intention to buy a beer and chill and some dude starts randomly talking to me and I know for a fact this is what attracts the girl to me, because she saw that. It's ****ing weird...
> 
> Anyway, so I'm sitting there drinking the beer I bought for myself before she came and the beer she gave me via the pitcher and I could tell she was SERIOUSLY trying to get my attention. She was pretty ecstatic and all over the place and it made me uncomfortable. Her friend (another girl around the same age--probably yr 22-25) is standing there beside her just chilling and I could tell she was the "calm" sober one obviously because the girl who was trying to get my attention was ****ing all over the place crazy. So being I knew I could literally just sit there and the girl would be trying to get my attention, I literally just chilled and relaxed and eventually the sober one saw me playing with some change I had and asked to play some pool. I agreed. At this point there was NO fear and NO anxiety on my end. I had the hottest girls in the bar straight trying to get my attention simply because I was chill and talking to an older dude. It's ****ing weird..
> 
> So we are playing pool and the ecstatic girl gets even more ecstatic to the point where it was almost embarrassing. She starts rubbing herself all over me, and being that I know this is a good thing, it was STILL uncomfortable as **** because she was so freakin ecstatic it was like "damn, hold the hell up!". Bu er friend was still chill and I was attracted to that so I started talking to her and I felt a kind of vibe. I knew the other girl was way to crazy to even talk to so I just got the number of the calm one and instead of waiting to get arrested because the crazy one was s flailing pool sticks around, I got the number of the sober one and told them to meet me at waterstreet (bar) if they wanted to hang out later. These girls were like REALLY hot and it amazes me how even though they were good looking, the crazy one was literally frekain me out. When I told them that I was going to waterstreet the crazy one told her friend I was "messing up her game" like I was the one being ****ing courted. Lol. Unfortunately, I think me leaving was a BIG, BIG, BIIIIIIIIIG mistake.
> 
> I go to the waterstreet bar and at this point I'm so in "state" (good mood) I talk to everyone one and I enjoy myself. I end up taking to like 5 girls just in a span of minutes. One girl smells like hella good so I tell her she has the "[imp juice" on (lol) and this prompts her friends to get me to smell their hair and tell me who was the one with the pimp juice! And so I'm talking to four girls and they ask if I want a shot with them and I'm standing in line at the bar for a shot and I start taking to girls to the left of me...and ****ing...blah blah blah blah...i'm sop in a great state of mind and everything is clicking. And I text the "sober" girl from the zypher and see what they were up to and I saw I'm at the waterstreet and I get a text back from the sober one "I'm from cleveland. LOL. That means nothing to me", and when I read that I took it as a negative. I get bored so I decide to see how far I can take it with the girls I met at the zypher and I text them saying I'm back at the zypher when I get there and she doesn't text me back. After 20 minutes I bounce.
> 
> ****ing crazy, crazy, crazy night...
> 
> Experiencing what I experienced, this night and nights before, social status; how you conduct yourself in public, and how you maintain your originality (confidence/personality) means so, so, so much to a woman who doesn't know who you are. It is intriguing. Obviously, not all women are the same, but from the past, I've experienced this before many times...
> 
> Seriously, if you want to be "attractive" then you need to know who you are; what your about; have boundaries; respect for yourself; do not supplicate for anyone regardless of societal influences (people are all humans after all), etc. When you combine all those things together you are ****ing attractive to a lot of women! Period. When a girl sees that she is intrigued enough to literally pursue you. What it all comes down to is value. What "value" do you express? How would others interpret that value? When a girl doesn't know who you are and you express yourself as a confident, social person, you are giving off an optimal and attractive persona.
> 
> Idk man, I have to pee really bad and i think I'm to really expand on this... good stuff tonight...
> 
> next time i will stay longer with the girls to really build comfort and trust and it'll be good times...i learn from my mistakes...
> 
> MISTAKES:
> 
> 1. Left the "sober" girl alone and went to waterstreet; didn't build enough connect and rapport with her to make it solid
> 
> 2. didn't go for more numbers; solid connections. I should of taken advantage of the vibe I had and went balls out. AT least it is good to understand certain things now


IDDQD

You know what that means? God Mode, my friend. You were in God Mode. Congrats, and I agree - KNOWING WHO YOU ARE and HAVING SOME PRIDE AND RESPECT FOR YOURSELF and STICKING TO YOUR GUNS is the most attractive thing to women.

You've given me some inspiration. I've been EXTREMELY nervous to call crush tomorrow and finalize our date plans for Tuesday, but I have to get back into that mindset that what I'm doing isn't wrong and that I'm just doing my thing. If she senses weakness, then it's all over. I have to stay strong and be myself with no regrets, then she'll love to join me on the ride.


----------



## srschirm

I'm proud of you dude but why on earth did you leave?!?!


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> I'm proud of you dude but why on earth did you leave?!?!


:doh i knoooowwwwwwww

well, i learn from my mistakes. it'll be interesting to see how i take this experience and try to move forward. tomorrow i plan on doing some store approaches. i've been motivated to change my approach


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> IDDQD


lol! haha i can't be;believe you remember that god cheat code from doom lmao!!!

:haha​


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> :doh i knoooowwwwwwww
> 
> well, i learn from my mistakes. it'll be interesting to see how i take this experience and try to move forward. tomorrow i plan on doing some store approaches. i've been motivated to change my approach


Have you modified the process?


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Have you modified the process?


i'm taking a different approach. i have had a problem with girls who don't want ot invest in a conversation off the approach, so i am going to try something daygamtv (youtube) talks about which is assumption stacking (part 2). sounds dorky as ****, and i know i sound lame for trying, but why not? more experiences, right? if it works, i'll **** bricks. i'll try weird **** if it works. i'm definitely influenced by natural behavior that is unique to who you are as an individual, but if i can learn something about mysel from trying new things, why not? don't throw out things just because it seems strange. try it out and see for yourself. could be some interesting things to learn


----------



## tusk

What do I do? I don't know, I've been single for more than a year now (I know, not that long, but my need is not fulfilled)
After the break-up (until now), I've met about 8 girls from the Internet, just for some fun. It often lasted 1-3 times, after that the contact ended. Except for one, but I couldn't see her as my girlfriend. I didn't end the contacts, I wanted more. I don't know if that counts.
I took French classes in the spring, where I met a nice girl whom I still see sometimes, a couple of times per month. But we're just friends.
This fall, I'm taking mindfulness classes, and there are lots of women! But they are all about 20+ years older than me.
I've been hanging around on online dating a lot, to the point where I could waste a whole saturday just chatting to girls. It was highly unproductive, but I think I've improved as a person: I've become charming, it seems.

What am I doing now? The next three months, I wont do any "self-releasing", I'll talk to at least one person via webcam on Omegle and have one computer-free day per week, and I've removed my online dating profiles. Maybe that's the opposite of trying, but at least it'll improve my mood.


----------



## tusk

tusk said:


> What do I do? I don't know, I've been single for more than a year now (I know, not that long, but my need is not fulfilled)
> After the break-up (until now), I've met about 8 girls from the Internet, just for some fun. It often lasted 1-3 times, after that the contact ended. Except for one, but I couldn't see her as my girlfriend. I didn't end the contacts, I wanted more. I don't know if that counts.
> I took French classes in the spring, where I met a nice girl whom I still see sometimes, a couple of times per month. But we're just friends.
> This fall, I'm taking mindfulness classes, and there are lots of women! But they are all about 20+ years older than me.
> I've been hanging around on online dating a lot, to the point where I could waste a whole saturday just chatting to girls. It was highly unproductive, but I think I've improved as a person: I've become charming, it seems.
> 
> What am I doing now? The next three months, I wont do any "self-releasing", I'll talk to at least one person via webcam on Omegle and have one computer-free day per week, and I've removed my online dating profiles. Maybe that's the opposite of trying, but at least it'll improve my mood.


There's no edit? Oh crap, this will be hard. I wanted to change the number of girls I've met for dates to about 17. And none of them really liked me, _in that way_.


----------



## bsd3355

i think i made some pretty large assumptions last night. for all i know the girl that was all up on me was just super drunk and it was a fluke thing she sat by me and did those things. i'm not trying to take credit away from what happened, but i am trying to be more realistic. i don't want to put women's reactions into a box, and i think i may of done that last night by the way i was typing. people are individuals. i shouldn't assume how some women act, the whole of women act. one thing i can say for certain though, feeling the way i did last night really dropped a lot of barriers i put in front of myself and make things happen


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> i think i made some pretty large assumptions last night. for all i know the girl that was all up on me was just super drunk and it was a fluke thing she sat by me and did those things. i'm not trying to take credit away from what happened, but i am trying to be more realistic. i don't want to put women's reactions into a box, and i think i may of done that last night by the way i was typing. people are individuals. i shouldn't assume how some women act, the whole of women act. one thing i can say for certain though, feeling the way i did last night really dropped a lot of barriers i put in front of myself and make things happen


You're right, you shouldn't put women's reactions into a box, but that doesn't mean you should focus on the opposite either. In other words, you were feeling good, in your zone...so as long as you aren't being a dick then you shouldn't worry too much about their motives and all that. As long as you are having fun then that's all that matters, because the more in the zone you are the more you will attract women, as you saw first hand. You already know how to play the game. Those guidelines are probably fairly hard-wired into your brain at this point. Now you can focus on not worrying about the game and just being yourself and everything will come into place.


----------



## falling down

Nothing, no one wants a loser.


----------



## ravens

I've never done anything to get a girl. I've gotten to the point where I think I shouldn't even think about having a girlfriend.


----------



## stoolie

@rymo How did the topic come up, that her sister suggested to you to ask her out in person? Did you ask her sister about your crush's relationship status or something?

I just can't imagine walking around and telling girls that I think they are cute and ask for their number. I know that you don't do it in such a direct way, but still. Just holding eye contact with a girl at the bus stop, restaurant or somewhere is difficult for me, because I'm somehow convinced that she thinks I'm a creep.


Also just thinking about going to bars alone and with the intention to chat up girls makes me nervous.

rymo posted a story where he approached a group of girls, which for me is unfathomable. That kind of scenario would strike so much fear in me, which I know is an irrational fear, but I would rather fight a horse-sized duck, than approaching a group of girls.

I think I have to grow a pair to do that, but I don't know where to begin...


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> You're right, you shouldn't put women's reactions into a box, but that doesn't mean you should focus on the opposite either. In other words, you were feeling good, in your zone...so as long as you aren't being a dick then you shouldn't worry too much about their motives and all that. As long as you are having fun then that's all that matters, because the more in the zone you are the more you will attract women, as you saw first hand. You already know how to play the game. Those guidelines are probably fairly hard-wired into your brain at this point. Now you can focus on not worrying about the game and just being yourself and everything will come into place.


i totally agree. the more i deviate from who i am, how i want to express myself the worse it gets. The link i gave a few posts ago is kind deviating away from how I would usually conduct myself, and so I'm kind of like "why did I post that link?". It keeps me motivated at least. I was going to try and attempt something talked about i saw from some videos, and i might just experiment with them but i already know it won't be natural or genuine and it'll be pretty lame. i'll probably try it randomly one day anyway just to see what happens lol

I do think we all have this built inside of us. I think we just let the fear and lack of esteem override our "normal" behavior. When I speak "game" what I really mean is human dynamics. A lot of it is common sense. If you value yourself and view yourself highly then people will typically see this and respond to how you view yourself. This is common sense and something everyone instinctively knows but the problem is it is hard to feel that way without experience or viewing yourself as a "valuable" and worthwhile person. Because you don't HAVE to go "direct" or "indirect" and you can even play passive "game" and still get what you want--that all depends on the dynamics of the person you are talking to and the situation. So yeah, it boils down to being able to read people and interpret social situations and cues. Like last night, I knew I could play somewhat passive "game" because the girl was all up on me. I knew I could literally just sit there and she'd be trying to get my attention, and if I tried hard to get her attention then I'd break that dynamic and it'd lose attraction. Best place you can be is when a woman is pursuing you. But I kind of messed up because I didn't build enough connection and rapport with the crazy girl's friend. Plus, they were out of towners and were visiting for a concert so it's debatable if I would of seen them again. However, I do I have the sober girl's number and I'll shoot her a text to see if she wants to hang out sometime but it doesn't look promising.

I thought today about changing up certain things I do and then I realized that I'm not being myself when I do this and I don't think that is a good thing. I really think my biggest problem is the fear I still have. I think if I let that go then I'll make the situations lighter and it'll be fun and I think the girls will react much, much better. Imagine having a friend who you act "scared" or hesitant around--it's the same thing. It's pretty ridiculous when you think about it.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> @rymo How did the topic come up, that her sister suggested to you to ask her out in person? Did you ask her sister about your crush's relationship status or something?
> 
> I just can't imagine walking around and telling girls that I think they are cute and ask for their number. I know that you don't do it in such a direct way, but still. Just holding eye contact with a girl at the bus stop, restaurant or somewhere is difficult for me, because I'm somehow convinced that she thinks I'm a creep.
> 
> Also just thinking about going to bars alone and with the intention to chat up girls makes me nervous.
> 
> rymo posted a story where he approached a group of girls, which for me is unfathomable. That kind of scenario would strike so much fear in me, which I know is an irrational fear, but I would rather fight a horse-sized duck, than approaching a group of girls.
> 
> I think I have to grow a pair to do that, but I don't know where to begin...


haha @ "a horse-sized duck"

I know this post is for rymo but of course I'm going to chime in because if you haven't seen already i talk a **** ton about this stuff because it is super interesting to me. not trying to overtake this thread but this stuff is what i'm all about at this stage of my life...

It's interesting because it is almost a "process" but it's not about techniques. _ What it is really about is how you view yourself, other people and situations. _All the techniques or ways to get/find a girl is irrelevant if how you view yourself and the process as abnormal or weak or weird, etc.

When I overcame social anxiety years ago it wasn't like a banner flashed before my eyes and read "YOU HAVE NOW OVERCAME SOCIAL ANXIETY!"...no, I knew i had overcame it because I gave myself permission via knowing myself and having confidence in my abilities. It's relevant to saying you are a good poker player but if you don't view yourself as a good poker player then in your mind you aren't and you'll typically react how you view yourself and it'll manifest in the outcomes of the poker game. Social anxiety, meeting women, etc., is something that is overcome from within you. Because on the outside girls are going to keep rejecting you--not nearly as much when you love yourself--but that is part of the game. If rejection didn't mean much to you then I believe it'd be relatively easy to find a girl you want because you simply would approach more and not put emphasis on stupid "rejections". Often the girl rejects you not because of who you are but because how you present yourself and other things relative to how comfortable she feels, etc.

My view has changed a lot. Firstly, sex is the reason why we are alive so obviously wanting sexual gratification is a normal thing. Also, while I do think women can pursue men in any phase of dating, I think our society, whether social or biologically, is set up in a way that literally makes men be proactive and aggressive with dating. So when people say "it's weird" to approach a girl, I think they are being extremely unrealistic on how the world is set up. If someone views you as a "creep" for approaching and trying to meet a woman, then wtf is wrong with that person for thinking that? Seriously. Are we supposed to be computer robots and meet and seduce women from a computer screen? No. Also, the fact that people reduce their chances of meeting someone because most people don't approach in certain situations is ridiculous and only hurting themselves.

But even though I say this with an understanding, I fall victim to the same negative thought processes you do, and I think most people do. Practice is important not only to get better doing it, but because you need to feel comfortable with it. Wherever you are in the journey, the best position to take is action because from taking action you learn a lot about women and about yourself.

Read my signature on this post below in red and it begins to make a lot of sense. We can all come from a position of strength in dating if we learn and grow as people by taking action. Coming form a weak frame will typically work against you. Confidence is huge and that comes from falling and becoming competent in something. It's something you build in your mind.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> I know this post is for rymo but of course I'm going to chime in because if you haven't seen already i talk a **** ton about this stuff because it is super interesting to me. not trying to overtake this thread but this stuff is what i'm all about at this stage of my life...
> 
> When I overcame social anxiety years ago it wasn't like a banner flashed before my eyes and read "YOU HAVE NOW OVERCAME SOCIAL ANXIETY!"...no, I knew i had overcame it because I gave myself permission via knowing myself and having confidence in my abilities.


I was also talking about you and your story where you go to bars alone.

How did you start approaching girls or overcome your social anxiety?
Was the latter a precondition for the first?


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> I was also talking about you and your story where you go to bars alone.
> 
> How did you start approaching girls or overcome your social anxiety?
> Was the latter a precondition for the first?


Both things can be done if you believe it can be done and if you take consistent action. In time what will happen is you'll look back on all the experiences you've gained from taking action and you'll likely say to yourself, "Yeah, alright, I've been here before. I've done this thing many times. I see the matrix and I know I'm capable. I feel confident I can do it again. I am going to take the steps I know work and I'll get what I want"

It's a life-long thing because overcoming SA or being able to meet girls without being a ***** or feeling down on yourself is relative to how you view yourself. How you view yourself is molded by life experience. The more experience you have in a certain subject, the more confident you feel you'll typically won't let self-doubt or insecurities override during the process. The "process" is all the steps in between achieving your goals. During the process there WILL be problems, but if you've experienced them before it will be trivial, as much as a defeat in a video game is trivial.

Realistically, I think it becomes easy when you stop being so negative about yourself. Imagine what it'd be like to view interactions with girls as something fun and fruitful REGARDLESS of the outcome? That is when I think it gets easy

Let me just say that I think we need SUCCESSES to really feel like we can do it again. If you fail over and over and over with no experience of success then I think you have a good reason to be hesitant. But for the most part, there are so many women out there I kind of doubt you won't be successful


----------



## stoolie

Thanks for your answer, but I was more looking for some practical examples on how you started to ask out girls.

Or did you start by walking around the college campus and cold approaching girls? 

Because the problem I have is that I don't really know where to start :/


----------



## bsd3355

You can approach girls anywhere you see a girl you like. Grocery stores, college, bars/clubs, parks, events, etc. There are no one place fits all when it comes to this. Usually I prefer places I know where the type of girl I want will be.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> @rymo How did the topic come up, that her sister suggested to you to ask her out in person? Did you ask her sister about your crush's relationship status or something?
> 
> I just can't imagine walking around and telling girls that I think they are cute and ask for their number. I know that you don't do it in such a direct way, but still. Just holding eye contact with a girl at the bus stop, restaurant or somewhere is difficult for me, because I'm somehow convinced that she thinks I'm a creep.
> 
> Also *just thinking about going to bars alone and with the intention to chat up girls makes me nervous*.
> 
> rymo posted a story where he approached a group of girls, which for me is unfathomable. That kind of scenario would strike so much fear in me, which I know is an irrational fear, but I would rather fight a horse-sized duck, than approaching a group of girls.
> 
> I think I have to grow a pair to do that, but I don't know where to begin...


Well her sister was sitting at the edge of the table, so I kind of scooched in next to her and mentioned how I asked crush out and how crush must be the nicest person in the world because of how she didn't want to say no to me.... how I could have asked her to go out with me each day of the week and she would have come up with a different excuse for every one instead of just saying she wasn't interested. We just kinda laughed about, she said her sister is weird, and that I should ask her out in person. Sister's boyfriend agreed. So I did, despite all of the negative signs I was getting from crush later on.

Anyways, on to the nitty gritty. I've told this story a million times around here so I hope I don't sound like a broken record but I'll tell it for you. 24.5 year old virgin, never kissed a girl...took me 6 years to graduate college...moved back home and didn't really have any friends. I was going to work, I had a car, I was working out...but I had NOTHING else. I was extremely lonely, and it got to the point where I was just sick and tired of being miserable. I HAD to do something about it. I was not living my life like that anymore. I HAD TO CHANGE, NO MATTER WHAT.

But how does a guy change when he's so damn nervous? Goes out into a social situation, too anxious to say anything, goes home and overanalyzes everything he did and didn't say...just an endless cycle of self-defeat. Not to mention, not having any sexual experience with girls was a HUGE insecurity and just made it all the more difficult. I could have just said **** it and played video games for the rest of my life, but I just could not take it anymore. This was not me, I had WAY more potential than that. I wasn't meant to be some quiet background character. We only live once, so it was time to start living.

I went to a bar by myself one night with the goal to approach a girl. The week leading up to this momentous occasion, I had done a TON of research on how to attract women. I joined a pick up site, watched youtube videos, read articles, browsed forums...I consumed myself in the art and science of attracting women. I felt much more confident just immersing myself in all of that information, but obviously putting it into action was a whole 'nother beast.

Anyway, when I got to the bar I was petrified. What confidence I had when I was driving there was zapped away immediately. Girls all around...guys all around..so much pressure...what were they thinking about me? Could they tell I was awkward...that I had no experience...that I didn't know what I was doing? I ran to the bar and downed a few drinks. On the way to the bathroom, some girl stopped me. She said I looked like Clark Kent (because of my ridiculous comb over - I had no sense of style back then), and I started to talk to her. It became clear very quickly that she was completely wasted and couldn't focus, so I realized the interaction wasn't going to go anywhere. But I saw her friend sitting down at a table near by, and I used this opportunity to mosey my way over and start talking to her. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle for me. I had the greatest conversation I've ever had with anyone at that time. We were joking, we were laughing...I was flowing like I never had before. I even got her number, and then went on my merry way.

Unfortunately, I had zero of that charm when I called her the next day or day after and I also pushed way too hard for a dinner date instead of something more casual, so I screwed that whole situation up and she lost interest. But still...it was all I needed to realize that I had potential. That I could do this. I realized that when I just let loose and didn't WORRY so much, that good things would happen. Now it was just a matter of unlocking that potential for real, instead of just a flukey thing. So I started going out to the bars by myself 2-3 times a week...just approaching, approaching, approaching. Some nights I didn't, most nights I did, most nights I got rejected at least once. Some nights I got a number. Overall, it was about a 90% rejection rate, and a 10% number with nothing happening afterwards. Pushing past those rejections was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was worth it. After 5 weeks of going out, I landed a number, and the girl became my gf.

That was a a year and a half ago, and now I consider myself pretty good at picking up girls, but with still a lot to learn. I would love to hear more about your story, your experience, etc...but in general, my advice would be to do research and APPROACH, APPROACH, APPROACH. I know you couldn't see yourself doing that stuff in your wildest dreams, but neither could I. It just gets to the point where it's like...what the ****? Is this really how I want my life to be? Or do I want to make a change and be the boss that I know I really am? To REALIZE my potential instead of SQUANDERING it.

- research pick up videos/articles (simplepickup is an excellent resource)

- best way to approach a girl in general in almost any situation (as far as I'm concerned) is more or less just to be straight up and tell her you think she's cute/adorable and then shake her hand and introduce yourself

- be the best version of yourself that you can be. Girls are attracted to a guy who does his thing and says what he wants (not obnoxiously) and does it with no regret or fear of disapproval

- you can't please everyone. Not every girl is going to be into you. That's life. It's not a reflection on who YOU are. Move on to the next one.

- similar note, getting girls is a number's game. You don't want to put all your coals in one fire, as things may not pan out for that one. Also, the more girls you are talking to, the less likely you are to obsess over one in particular.

- anything more specific, just ask. I'm no expert, but I'm trying. And that's all you can do. DO YOUR BEST AND FORGET THE REST. Things WILL come into place if you don't give up.


----------



## bsd3355

^ I didn't know your background that well. Cool stuff. My background has a longer reference of experiences but a longer time to find success because i dicked around online for years lol. i always dated girls who i didn't reall ylike because i didn't do real life approaches and i didn't have a certain standard i set out every time. at the beginning of this year i probably did under 20 approaches in real life in my entire life and on the second week of going out i found my girlfriend who later moved recently. i'm at slightly higher than 50 approaches since then (it's be higher but combination of college and a girlfriend sucked my time away to approach more). i'd like to increase that number dramatically. I'm about where you are now in the process i think

btw, texted that girl from last night (the sober girl). she hasn't been where i live since high school so she won't be out here often at all even though i asked if she'd like to hang out. the cool thing about this experience was that it was under the pretext of a friend connection (crazy chick) that made her a solid number. i know i'm not making enough connection with the girls i meet before i get the number. this is a sicking point of mine recently


----------



## stoolie

Wow, thanks for that response rymo. I guess you could move that post or parts of it to the first post, it's that great.



rymo said:


> 24.5 year old virgin, never kissed a girl...took me 6 years to graduate college...moved back home and didn't really have any friends. I was going to work, I had a car, I was working out...but I had NOTHING else. I was extremely lonely, and it got to the point where I was just sick and tired of being miserable.


That's pretty much my life right now, except that I'm 26 now and was 25 when I moved out of my parents' house to the city where I'm working since I graduated.

Also I don't need a car in the city, but, unfortunately, again the same for the working out, never kissed a girl and nothing else/being miserable part.

The only "approach" I _ever_ did was with a girl I met at work and later messaged on Facebook. Of course I never told her that I liked her or anything that would make me vulnerable to rejection. (That's the part I need to fix, I know.)

Only after months (!) and a bottle of wine I told her about my feelings over IM. I know that's completely the wrong approach, but I'm just telling it to show my level of insecurity and/or shyness.

I guess I should start going to bars with a friend of mine, but I'm still convinced that the bar scene isn't really for insecure/shy persons.



rymo said:


> Well her sister was sitting at the edge of the table, so I kind of scooched in next to her and mentioned how I asked crush out and how crush must be the nicest person in the world because of how she didn't want to say no to me.... how I could have asked her to go out with me each day of the week and she would have come up with a different excuse for every one instead of just saying she wasn't interested.


This just shows that you and I are very different. I'm not being pessimistic here, I can change, but right now I would never have the balls to tell the sister of the girl I'm crushing on that I asked her out. I wouldn't tell that anyone.


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## ravens

bwidger85 said:


> You can approach girls anywhere you see a girl you like. Grocery stores, college, bars/clubs, parks, events, etc. There are no one place fits all when it comes to this. Usually I prefer places I know where the type of girl I want will be.


The only places that I go to are stores. I've seen women that I've wanted to talk to but I've never been able to approach. I just wish that I could just talk to them at sometime in my life.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


>


Why the hell would he choose to shoot that video on top of a building and talking about his life with random people swarming around him? He doesn't care I guess, but still makes me uncomfortable just watching it.

Still watched it, but his golden bling bling watch is one of those things that makes me loose respect for a person very quickly.

I still acknowledge, that I'm a sponge.


----------



## Komiko

This thread is hillarious, it's like listening to guys talk about hunting wild animals or something. ^_^

You should try the watering hole, I think there's plenty of prey there in the early afternoon.


----------



## rymo

Komiko said:


> This thread is hillarious, it's like listening to guys talk about hunting wild animals or something. ^_^
> 
> You should try the watering hole, I think there's plenty of prey there in the early afternoon.


Hey gurllllll...how you doin'?


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> This just shows that you and I are very different. I'm not being pessimistic here, I can change, but right now I would never have the balls to tell the sister of the girl I'm crushing on that I asked her out. I wouldn't tell that anyone.


Honestly, I figured my crush told her sister about it already anyway, so what's the big deal? But then again I also told my friend, my parents, and some more people, so I suppose that does say something about me. I've never really had any shame in telling people stuff about me, which IMO is one of the reasons that I started being able to overcome SA somewhat. While I would have never told anyone that I was a virgin and stuff like that, I never had a problem talking about my emotional/mental issues to people (when I felt I wasn't annoying/burdening them), because it really helps when you can bounce things off someone (as long as they are supportive about it).

It also helps that I give less of a **** about what people think about me today than the not so distant past. It's something I'm always working on...like I said before...not being ashamed of who you are and just being the best version of yourself you can be with no regrets. It's an extremely difficult thing to accomplish, especially if you have SA, but if you really work on it you'll see a definite improvement. You just have to be ready to give it everything you've got.


----------



## Rossy

Nothing at all, I don't really care anymore.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> Nothing at all, I don't really care anymore.


You just had an amazing week of attention from females...what's the matter?


----------



## Komiko

rymo said:


> Hey gurllllll...how you doin'?


Good thanks :3

How are you?


----------



## Rossy

I am not even going to bother,I am not meant to be in an relationship at all.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Why the hell would he choose to shoot that video on top of a building and talking about his life with random people swarming around him? He doesn't care I guess, but still makes me uncomfortable just watching it.
> 
> Still watched it, but his golden bling bling watch is one of those things that makes me loose respect for a person very quickly.
> 
> I still acknowledge, that I'm a sponge.


He does it because of the view. He shoots all his videos like that. Also, he doesn't let people being around him affect what he wants to do. The same works in meeting girls.

i just threw the link in for the hell of it. just stuff to think about. rsd is more of the "have sex with as most women as you can" company, but what they say in it is worthwhile to get over fears, etc. but w/e, i through random links out there sometimes.


----------



## bsd3355

Komiko said:


> This thread is hillarious, it's like listening to guys talk about hunting wild animals or something. ^_^
> 
> You should try the watering hole, I think there's plenty of prey there in the early afternoon.


should i bring my pheromones?


----------



## AussiePea

Trying internet dating currently and had some success with it, scary after so many years in denial about my relationship potential yadda yadda but it's about bloody time! That being said I am crushing over a friends friend atm, and the friend is trying to hook us up which helps my cause, so fingers crossed!


----------



## Zeeshan

So i am super frustrated

Once again, i met a girl online who looked good however when we met up, lets say her pictures was not what was there. The problem is that i get excited.

Sigh, still have five days to reach my approach a girl goal


----------



## rymo

Called my "crush" an hour ago. She didn't pick up, so I left a voicemail. It was fairly straightforward and I ended it by telling her to text/call me if she's interested in getting a drink on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten any signs yet so I don't think it's going to happen. If she does happen to text me then great, but I can't push things anymore...I just have to play it cool and move on. If I called again or texted her it would be at that 'bad persistence' point, and I'm way past the stage where I'm making that kind of mistake.

It just kind of sucks. Not about being rejected, but just that I had success with so many girls this year who I just didn't care about or end up caring about, and when I'm finally interested in getting to know someone for real and I do everything right it doesn't pan out. Pretty bummed out right now to be honest.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Called my "crush" an hour ago. She didn't pick up, so I left a voicemail. It was fairly straightforward and I ended it by telling her to text/call me if she's interested in getting a drink on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten any signs yet so I don't think it's going to happen. If she does happen to text me then great, but I can't push things anymore...I just have to play it cool and move on. If I called again or texted her it would be at that 'bad persistence' point, and I'm way past the stage where I'm making that kind of mistake.
> 
> It just kind of sucks. Not about being rejected, but just that I had success with so many girls this year who I just didn't care about or end up caring about, and when I'm finally interested in getting to know someone for real and I do everything right it doesn't pan out. Pretty bummed out right now to be honest.


Look i dont have super experience as much as you do at this, but i do have lots of experience dealing with crushes. I dont know what to tell you, i think she is already tied into someone.

I dont think you should give up, i think you should persist. **** good persistance and Bad persistance. Though i dont know what your next move is really, but go after her man. You can get a girl, you know that now, do what it takes to get the one you really wanted.

You need a new strategy, i am sure someone here has one that has worked in the situation you are in.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> I am not even going to bother,I am not meant to be in an relationship at all.


Didnt you recently start a thread about how you were getting tons of attention from women.

DOnt be so up and down


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So i am super frustrated
> 
> Once again, i met a girl online who looked good however when we met up, lets say her pictures was not what was there. The problem is that i get excited.
> 
> Sigh, still have five days to reach my approach a girl goal


I need an incentive to do it, or some sort of threat. That is the problem, for example, if someone were to tell me i would get a hundred dollars for approaching a girl,

i think the worse part is the excuses. There are always excuses in my head. If only they werent there


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Look i dont have super experience as much as you do at this, but i do have lots of experience dealing with crushes. I dont know what to tell you, i think she is already tied into someone.
> 
> I dont think you should give up, i think you should persist. **** good persistance and Bad persistance. Though i dont know what your next move is really, but go after her man. You can get a girl, you know that now, do what it takes to get the one you really wanted.
> 
> You need a new strategy, i am sure someone here has one that has worked in the situation you are in.


I appreciate what you're saying and if I happen to run into her again of course I would talk to her, but from the position I'm in right now there's nothing else I can do. Texting/calling her after this point is not a good move. But it's okay. I'm not necessarily looking for advice on the matter, just looking to sulk a bit.


----------



## falling down

I'm just going to start walking around wearing a shirt that says,

"I EAT VAGEEN AS PART OF A HEALTHY BALANCED DIET.
YEKSHEMESH!"

Hopefully that will turn things around.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I need an incentive to do it, or some sort of threat. That is the problem, for example, if someone were to tell me i would get a hundred dollars for approaching a girl,
> 
> i think the worse part is the excuses. There are always excuses in my head. If only they werent there


you know what my main motive was from online to real life approaches? how bad online sucked and how i thought i'd get better results offline. 2 weeks after i completely gave up online i met my first girlfriend. before that, i played "i must not be good enough" excuse for lack of experience. since then i've made a slew of reasons why i like offline better, but mainly because i am not willing to spend the time online like i once did when i don't view it as powerful as offline, but that is my personal opinion. i think offline plays more in the guy's favor compared to online. not to mention it is a lot funner than staring at a screen checking out the "prospects" of the day. you have the chemistry that you wouldn't get online


----------



## AussiePea

falling down said:


> I'm just going to start walking around wearing a shirt that says,
> 
> "I EAT VAGEEN AS PART OF A HEALTHY BALANCED DIET.
> YEKSHEMESH!"
> 
> Hopefully that will turn things around.


They will fall from the sky


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> you know what my main motive was from online to real life approaches? how bad online sucked and how i thought i'd get better results offline. 2 weeks after i completely gave up online i met my first girlfriend. before that, i played "i must not be good enough" excuse for lack of experience. since then i've made a slew of reasons why i like offline better, but mainly because i am not willing to spend the time online like i once did when i don't view it as powerful as offline, but that is my personal opinion. i think offline plays more in the guy's favor compared to online. not to mention it is a lot funner than staring at a screen checking out the "prospects" of the day. you have the chemistry that you wouldn't get online


You sir are 100 percent right. i mean the amount of effort it takes to get a date online, what a waste of time. All those messages and email that end up into nothing. all those liars, such poor quality.

I just dont know how to meet women offline. I wish just for one day, i could have your mindset. The excuse i make the mosts are

1) I dont look good right now, Clothes, hygene, hair etc.
2) People are looking
3) If she works there or i will see her again (I can come back next week or something)
4) The heigth issue comes in my mind right away. I am about 5'6-5'7 which is below average but it aint midget. Yet it comes to mind right away.

Even when a girl is clearly giving me the go ahead i cant do it. I would do anything to do it


----------



## bsd3355

^ the desire to prove my perceived "shortcomings" didn't matter is another reason why i do it.

think of the positives:

1. You can meet women anywhere
2. You lose attachment of what people think of you
3. You expand yourself from comfort zones and become more confident about socializing
4. The perceived "shortcomings" are not really an obstacle (often)
5. you can lots and lots of fun

In general, I look at it short term and long term. The short term is that I'm expanding my comfort zone and learning things about myself and other people. The long term I envision myself confident in this area, able to put little emotional investment in things that once crushed me, not regretting my past, moving on with an appreciation and satisfaction for what I've done, etc, etc.

Pain is an indicator for positive change to occur. Emotional pain can be used to excel past hurdles; it can be used for energy to excel. All the negative feelings you feel now can be replaced by positive emotions and thoughts because you put in the work to challenge them and become a better you in all areas of life. The doubt and pain you feel now is like a fog into a greater unknown that will expand your enjoyment of life and it will help you move through life with more expression and ease because you are more well-rounded and you know yourself that much better. there is lots to learn. every emotional painful experience is an opportunity to grow

why is it when two people get into a relationship one is less "healthy" emotionally than the other? it is often because the person who is more well-rounded and experienced with emotional pain has been there and done that. being "weak" and staying weak is not challenging and growing as a person. the one who is emotionally stable is often the person who has gone through the most **** in life and overcame it


----------



## falling down

AussiePea said:


> They will fall from the sky


One can only hope.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^ the desire to prove my perceived "shortcomings" didn't matter is another reason why i do it.
> 
> think of the positives:
> 
> 1. You can meet women anywhere
> 2. You lose attachment of what people think of you
> 3. You expand yourself from comfort zones and become more confident about socializing
> 4. The perceived "shortcomings" are not really an obstacle (often)
> 5. you can lots and lots of fun
> 
> In general, I look at it short term and long term. The short term is that I'm expanding my comfort zone and learning things about myself and other people. The long term I envision myself confident in this area, able to put little emotional investment in things that once crushed me, not regretting my past, moving on with an appreciation and satisfaction for what I've done, etc, etc.
> 
> Pain is an indicator for positive change to occur. Emotional pain can be used to excel past hurdles; it can be used for energy to excel. All the negative feelings you feel now can be replaced by positive emotions and thoughts because you put in the work to challenge them and become a better you in all areas of life. The doubt and pain you feel now is like a fog into a greater unknown that will expand your enjoyment of life and it will help you move through life with more expression and ease because you are more well-rounded and you know yourself that much better. there is lots to learn. every emotional painful experience is an opportunity to grow
> 
> why is it when two people get into a relationship one is less "healthy" emotionally than the other? it is often because the person who is more well-rounded and experienced with emotional pain has been there and done that. being "weak" and staying weak is not challenging and growing as a person. the one who is emotionally stable is often the person who has gone through the most **** in life and overcame it


I think i am reaching a very strange point in my life. I have lived a very strange life (I know thats how everyone probably feels) however the past few months have changed me.

I think i am just going to ask for the things i want. Period. Not just with women. Just with everything. Very Straigthforward. Not even going to approach women with some line. Everywhere at work, at home, personal life.

Just be transparent. Completely clear. This is what i want. I dont care, i am not ashamed. I am done being ashamed. If you want to give it to me fine, if not whatever.

I am getting there.


----------



## Brandeezy

Seeing guys I know getting attention from women without trying just knocks my self esteem all the way down. I swear I'm never good enough for anything and I have to try 10 times harder than the average guy only to get no where


----------



## Neutrino

.


----------



## rymo

Took me forever to get to sleep last night because I was over-analyzing my crush situation. Haven't been that mentally negative about myself in a while. Disappointed about the situation, disappointed at my reaction, embarrassed about my actions. I woke up today and I felt like crap. So out of sorts. Not myself. But then I realized...it's not about what happens to us that counts. We are going to try and fail, whether it's our fault or not, many times in many areas of life throughout our whole life. But what really matters is how you react to a ****ty situation. How you pick yourself and move on and realize that you are still you...you did nothing wrong...and it's time to get moving again. Get focused...motivated...go for your goals no matter what.

My goals: continue to improve my social situation by learning and pushing through anxiety, whether it comes to friends, family, or dating. Continue doing P90X. Work hard at work and make $$$. Have fun.

Gotta keep my eye on the ball. Plenty of other fish in the sea. I'm still a boss, so who cares if one girl doesn't want to go out with me? Sure, this is the first girl I've been really interested in in a long time, but so what? I'll find someone way better eventually. Patience is a virtue.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Took me forever to get to sleep last night because I was over-analyzing my crush situation. Haven't been that mentally negative about myself in a while. Disappointed about the situation, disappointed at my reaction, embarrassed about my actions. I woke up today and I felt like crap. So out of sorts. Not myself. But then I realized...it's not about what happens to us that counts. We are going to try and fail, whether it's our fault or not, many times in many areas of life throughout our whole life. But what really matters is how you react to a ****ty situation. How you pick yourself and move on and realize that you are still you...you did nothing wrong...and it's time to get moving again. Get focused...motivated...go for your goals no matter what.
> 
> My goals: continue to improve my social situation by learning and pushing through anxiety, whether it comes to friends, family, or dating. Continue doing P90X. Work hard at work and make $$$. Have fun.
> 
> Gotta keep my eye on the ball. Plenty of other fish in the sea. I'm still a boss, so who cares if one girl doesn't want to go out with me? Sure, this is the first girl I've been really interested in in a long time, but so what? I'll find someone way better eventually. Patience is a virtue.


Yup. Learning experience. What rocky said


----------



## bsd3355

new notes for going out:


Have FUN
Socialize to build social momentum
Have fun in conversation by talking about stuff that interests YOU; amuses YOU
Don't doubt yourself if someone isn't interesting. Doubt the people you interact with. "Why is this person not very interesting?"

We are all interesting people. Don't prove you are interesting to people; instead be interesting by talking things that are interesting to YOU. When you are interested you become interesting. When you are bored you appear boring. The reason why you aren't a good conversationalist is because you aren't enjoying things that naturally interest you. Therefore, say to yourself upon approaching a woman, "What can I find interesting about this girl? How can I self-amuse myself through her?"..or, "Hm, she doesn't seem very interesting. That sucks."....don't blame yourself. Look for things that interest YOU and create fun and build your state

By having fun and being genuinely interested in the girl you build a connection which builds upon attraction if you do not supplicate yourself. If you approach women with the attitude "what does she have to offer? is she interesting to talk to? can she have fun?" instead of "how can I impress/not screw this up?" your frame is already assuming value and giving value; you are enough and you are fun. If she rejects you it will roll off your back if you are in a social/fun mood

You enjoy conversation and socializing when you are self-amused. And to be self-amused you need to get interested in conversation by talking about stuff/doing stuff that interests you


----------



## DubnRun

Where do you go to meet a potential one? I literally have no idea...


----------



## Canucklehead

DubnRun said:


> Where do you go to meet a potential one? I literally have no idea...


School, a bar, online, the grocery store, subway, chilli's.

Anywhere.


----------



## rymo

DubnRun said:


> Where do you go to meet a potential one? I literally have no idea...


Anywhere. I'm going to Walmart to get some protein power in a few minutes. It's Walmart, so the chances are unlikely, but if I do see a cute chick I'm going to talk to her.


----------



## DubnRun

Hmm and what do you say exactly? I had a girl giving me looks on the bus and I just let her go..she was ****ing hot too!!!! im such a pusy


----------



## bsd3355

DubnRun said:


> Hmm and what do you say exactly? I had a girl giving me looks on the bus and I just let her go..she was ****ing hot too!!!! im such a pusy


"hey, i saw you looking at me. how are you?"

it's not so much what you say as it is your vibe


----------



## Canucklehead

DubnRun said:


> Hmm and what do you say exactly? I had a girl giving me looks on the bus and I just let her go..she was ****ing hot too!!!! im such a pusy


Hi, my name is ____, what's your name?


----------



## squall78

I finally broke down and created a profile at OKC. It sucks right now, so I would appreciate some tips. Also I did message a girl about some comedy clubs in the area that I wanna check out. I'll try messaging 10 girls and report back.


----------



## Canucklehead

squall78 said:


> I finally broke down and created a profile at OKC. It sucks right now, so I would appreciate some tips. Also I did message a girl about some comedy clubs in the area that I wanna check out. I'll try messaging 10 girls and report back.


The first message you send is the most important, it has to catch their attention.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Online dating at speed date okcupid and pof:
question: hey whats up?
Answer: .......
Tried doing that hundred times and got some responses and started chatting a bit but I stopped because i was guessing the girls interest level wasnt high enough..


----------



## ravens

I would like to get a girlfriend but I never go anywhere except shopping. I think not having a job or any money it will be rough finding a girlfriend. I've been thinking about trying a online dating site but I don't what to put in my profile. 

Why didn't I try years ago to get a girlfriend. The answer to that is not ever going anywhere except shopping and having terrible anxiety around women. It seems like it will be tougher to find a girlfriend at my age then it would've been when I was younger.


----------



## rymo

squall78 said:


> I finally broke down and created a profile at OKC. It sucks right now, so I would appreciate some tips. Also I did message a girl about some comedy clubs in the area that I wanna check out. I'll try messaging 10 girls and report back.


let's see your profile if you want specific tips


----------



## Zeeshan

Been working all day, so still havent reached my approach goal

On the other side i wonder what would happen if you just went up to a woman and said

Hey, wanna have sex?


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> Been working all day, so still havent reached my approach goal
> 
> On the other side i wonder what would happen if you just went up to a woman and said
> 
> Hey, wanna have sex?


I was told that by a guy when I was 16. He said just go up to a girl that you like and just say "wanna have sex". I never did do that. Maybe I wouldn't be a virgin now if I would've taken his advice.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I was told that by a guy when I was 16. He said just go up to a girl that you like and just say "wanna have sex". I never did do that. Maybe I wouldn't be a virgin now if I would've taken his advice.


lol maybe it does work

I have been thinking recently, changing, my mind is changing. I have become obsessed with the idea of being very transparent with everything everybody. Just letting go and seeing what happens


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> lol maybe it does work
> 
> I have been thinking recently, changing, my mind is changing. I have become obsessed with the idea of being very transparent with everything everybody. Just letting go and seeing what happens


When he said that I thought I can't even talk to girls and I'm going to up to a girl and ask if wants to have sex. I've never been able to talk to girls at all. As soon as I see a girl that I've liked to talk to I get terrible anxiety and I'm unable to do it. I don't know what I can do to stop feeling that way when I want to talk to them. Maybe there is nothing that can be done. Maybe I'll just never have a girlfriend.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> When he said that I thought I can't even talk to girls and I'm going to up to a girl and ask if wants to have sex. I've never been able to talk to girls at all. As soon as I see a girl that I've liked to talk to I get terrible anxiety and I'm unable to do it. I don't know what I can do to stop feeling that way when I want to talk to them. Maybe there is nothing that can be done. Maybe I'll just never have a girlfriend.


just what do you have to lose anymore

i mean realistically is your current life even worth living, might as well take the long shot and try something


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> just what do you have to lose anymore
> 
> i mean realistically is your current life even worth living, might as well take the long shot and try something


What makes it even worse is that now I don't even have a job anymore. The job that I did have was not much of a job but I did have some money.

I think even if I could talk to women my lack of a job and money is not something a woman would want to get in a relationship with.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> What makes it even worse is that now I don't even have a job anymore. The job that I did have was not much of a job but I did have some money.
> 
> I think even if I could talk to women my lack of a job and money is not something a woman would want to get in a relationship with.


there are a lot of desperate women you could have, many of them are just looking for somebody. Maybe you should be with one of them

better then nothing


----------



## DubnRun

Its really easier than we think isnt it? but will she be turned off if she find im broke(cant find work, poor job market aint my fault). **** i need to try im sick of missed opportunities


----------



## phoenixwright

Some girl from one paid dating site I'm on approached me (I signed up for a casual sex oriented site early this year. But then I found out that they put you on a network of sites when you do that. So plenty of the girls you see on that site are actually from a non-casual sex oriented sister site). Even though my profile was very casual sex-oriented (though I also mentioned being interested in relationships), in her message she said that she liked my profile and would like to chat. And on her profile it did say that she was interested in friends with benefits in addition to relationships.

I had logged onto the site out of curiosity I guess and I guess she found me on the local active users list. She's overweight though. She's not hideous or anything. But I couldn't see myself being in a committed, long-term relationship with someone that I'm not attracted to and I've no urge to have sex with her other than to satisfy my ego (at least I'm being honest about myself about why I would do it if I did. lol). I get "external validation" from women showing interest in me. And in my mind, it's not enough for them to approach me or think I'm cute. It has to get to the point of them going to bed with me and thinking I'm good in bed, etc. It's an unhealthy need for approval.

I don't know if I can do the casual sex thing anymore so even if I were to do it for the right reasons, I don't know if I should explore that possibility with her or just ignore and move on. With the way that my social anxiety affects me personally, I don't feel comfortable having sex with women I don't know too well and don't know if I can trust and leave myself vulnerable to. It's not unusual for me to have the urge to masturbate everyday but put a live naked woman in front of me and much of the time I have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection. lol. I've already talked this through with my doctor and had run tests. And she has been largely useless. Telling me that working out may help me out. Meanwhile, I can masturbate on a daily basis just fine and like I said, plenty of fat out of shape slobs are able to get/maintain an erection and orgasm. Given that I am able to "perform" when masturbating, I suspect it's a psychological thing. And while society may say that what I experience isn't normal, lots of women are not comfortable having sex with men they don't know that well. If a woman isn't comfortable enough to have sex with a guy she barely knows, she's being a typical woman. If a man isn't comfortable enough to have sex with a woman he barely knows, he has ED. It's a double standard. lol.


----------



## bsd3355

^find someone you are actually attracted to. try other stuff besides online dating


----------



## bsd3355

Want to hit up more bars for a while. I've been focusing on college approaching mostly and I got burnt out on it. I never got a full grasp of where I wanted with it, but that's OK. The same thing happened earlier this year with me and bars and I got burnt out. What I noticed was it's good to try different things when you get burnt out on this stuff in one particular area. For instance, I got burnt out on bars for a while and college seemed cool to try, but then I got burnt out on college so back to bars. That kind of thing...

Anyway, some of my goals:

-Try to go out more
-Have fun and build social momentum
-Escalate (I never really try this because I just want the number typically). I think focusing on escalating will keep my in the group longer because I want to establish something which will probably help me building connections and sexual chemistry


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> ^find someone you are actually attracted to. try other stuff besides online dating


I know you have been critical of online dating. In my experience, every single girl on POF who chose me for meet me was overweight (this is something I can live with if she had a cute face and she wasn't too overweight. But some of these girls are either too overweight or their face isn't attractive enough to compensate for their weight and generate attraction). And on the hookup site, they seem to be even more unattractive (this last one isn't so bad but there's no attraction.)

I used to feel like I shouldn't be picky. But I think it's reasonable of me to expect a woman to be only slightly overweight at most and facially attractive when I'm in better shape (I don't have a six pack or anything and similarly, I don't expect a woman to have a hard, flat stomach. Lol) and a number of women think I have an attractive face. I understand my introversion and social awkwardness reduces my desirability (girls have went from eager to Luke warm with me after a date). But come on. My body is a temple and I expect prospective partners to share those kind of values.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I know you have been critical of online dating. In my experience, every single girl on POF who chose me for meet me was overweight (this is something I can live with if she had a cute face and she wasn't too overweight. But some of these girls are either too overweight or their face isn't attractive enough to compensate for their weight and generate attraction). And on the hookup site, they seem to be even more unattractive (this last one isn't so bad but there's no attraction.)
> 
> I used to feel like I shouldn't be picky. But I think it's reasonable of me to expect a woman to be only slightly overweight at most and facially attractive when I'm in better shape (I don't have a six pack or anything and similarly, I don't expect a woman to have a hard, flat stomach. Lol) and a number of women think I have an attractive face. I understand my introversion and social awkwardness reduces my desirability (girls have went from eager to Luke warm with me after a date). But come on. My body is a temple and I expect prospective partners to share those kind of values.


You will likely never be satisfied completely unless you actually go after someone you actually want. If you don't want that type of girl then go for the types you want and if it isn't working online then try something else. Women won't date someone they aren't into, so why should you succumb to dating girls you aren't into? It makes no sense. No one wants something they don't want. I don't waste my time on girls I don't want anymore. If I'm going to get rejected, I might as well get rejected by someone I actually want and then eventually get the girl I want.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> You will likely never be satisfied completely unless you actually go after someone you actually want. If you don't want that type of girl then go for the types you want and if it isn't working online then try something else. Women won't date someone they aren't into, so why should you succumb to dating girls you aren't into? It makes no sense. No one wants something they don't want. I don't waste my time on girls I don't want anymore. If I'm going to get rejected, I might as well get rejected by someone I actually want and then eventually get the girl I want.


It does make sense if the guy is insecure and just wants to get girls to feel better about himself. Hell, I did it (subconsciously, but still) when I was getting started. I was lucky enough to build up a decent amount of confidence through my journey into the dating world, but I don't think phoenix is quite there yet.

At the same time, it's true - it will ultimately be very unfulfilling if he keeps going after girls that he isn't TRULY interested in just to satisfy his own ego. He should be going after the ones he is interested in and failing and failing and failing some more in order to learn and improve and build up that confidence from scratch and ultimately bag a girl who truly fulfills his soul and who he does the same for.


----------



## Brandeezy

Ok I retired again from the dating scene. Its clear that women in my area aren't interested in me and I really don't have the looks, money, or car to get one. It sucks when your cousin, who's in the same boat as you, is able to go on a date. Life I tell you....


----------



## FranzKafka

Not doing much. Never did much. I had a few girls be interested in me, but i was always too silent around them, and although some tried even more, in the end they gave up.

I wish women would really take the upper hand more often. When i was in England i got actually hit on by a number of girls, but none here so openly.

Being schizoid does not help. I think i have to acquire more realistic goals in regards to women, cause up to now i was thinking that i should be with someone who either is extremely good-looking, or at least good-looking and very intelligent. Now i am not so sure. The beginning is the hardest part for me.


----------



## squall78

Alright so here's my profile. I am working on taking a picture, but haven't gotten around to it since I don't know what kind to take. To be quite honest I'm a boring person, and can't think of what to put in there. I avoided the canned "I hate writing these profiles" disclaimer people put because it sounds corny.... anyway help me out!

I would prefer people who are getting results to critique me.

Also I'm looking through a lot of profiles, and is it me or are they all kinda the same?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/squall74/


----------



## Zeeshan

Still havent done my approach goal, 

sigh, the quality is so low online. Seems like other then the one short term relationship i had, all i find are fat women. Somehow they all say they are thin 

what can you do anyways, just gotta make things happen. I have been losing my shame more and more. I honestly at almost the point where i dont care what people thinking about anything, i am just going to do what i want. Thats it, make things happen


----------



## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> Unless I get plastic surgery, I will never get a girl.


Then get plastic surgery

Lol i dont understand

DONT HAVE A JOB?

Get a Job

DONT HAVE A CAR

Get a car

Live with mommy and daddy

MOVE THE **** OUT


----------



## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> You want to give me 20 thousand dollars so I can fix my face?


Get a job

Lie on your resume, get a better paying job. Go get a line of credit. Do what it takes


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I will be co-oping soon. Maybe I'll meet a girl then.

Sorry everyone. I googled a bunch of websites on older virgins tonight, and yes, I'm bitter. I am angry at women tonight, at least the judgmental ones.


----------



## huh

Started texting a girl off OkCupid after messaging back and forth a bit. I initiated the messages, but she has been very forward and aggressive. She also seems like a really interesting/fun person. We'll hopefully meet up soon. She has been throwing around a lot of sexual innuendo...hah.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> It does make sense if the guy is insecure and just wants to get girls to feel better about himself. Hell, I did it (subconsciously, but still) when I was getting started. I was lucky enough to build up a decent amount of confidence through my journey into the dating world, but I don't think phoenix is quite there yet.
> 
> At the same time, it's true - it will ultimately be very unfulfilling if he keeps going after girls that he isn't TRULY interested in just to satisfy his own ego. He should be going after the ones he is interested in and failing and failing and failing some more in order to learn and improve and build up that confidence from scratch and ultimately bag a girl who truly fulfills his soul and who he does the same for.


I forwarded the woman's pics to a female friend. And in her personal opinion, she thinks that she is cute (I do too). She's just overweight. Telling from the pics, it's unclear how overweight she is (you know how it is).

I decided to reply to the girl. I'll see how it goes for now. She is definitely facially attractive. Worst case scenario, we hit it off in online and text exchanges and then when I meet her in-person, I find that I get turned off by her size. Best case scenario, I find that she's only slightly overweight in-person and still find her sexually attractive. Definitely not pinning my hopes on this one (but I shouldn't be pinning my hopes on any at all. It's comical how a girl I'm really interested in will come along and I play it up in my head and then I end up being disappointed in the end. lol).


----------



## bsd3355

If you don't go after the girl you want you will usually not get what you want in relationships. The whole "it happens when you don't try" is more sensible from a woman's perspective. Instead of getting sad about it, accept it and become good at it.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> If you don't go after the girl you want you will usually not get what you want in relationships. The whole "it happens when you don't try" is more sensible from a woman's perspective. Instead of getting sad about it, accept it and become good at it.


That goes for anything in life, not just women.


----------



## squall78

Getting a girl is uncomfortable, and sucks. 

With that being said every guy is doing it. I hate putting myself out there on a dating site (which the stigmata of desperate people looking for love is stuck in my mind) but I still did it. The people who stick to it are the ones getting results. Take action today.


----------



## Zeeshan

Honestly i just dont know about online dating anymore. I mean it seems to be filled with fat women. The skinny ones dont seem to want to reply to me, which saddens me because these are the type of women, if i didnt have the anxiety issues i had, that i could get in a heart beat.

Still i paid for this stupid membership and i plan to juice it down. 

Still didnt do my approach. Sad


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Honestly i just dont know about online dating anymore. I mean it seems to be filled with fat women. The skinny ones dont seem to want to reply to me, which saddens me because these are the type of women, if i didnt have the anxiety issues i had, that i could get in a heart beat.
> 
> Still i paid for this stupid membership and i plan to juice it down.
> 
> Still didnt do my approach. Sad


Do it tomorrow, man. No excuses. You're just a guy like another other guy, there's nothing wrong with you approaching a girl. Just "Hey, I thought you were cute and I had to talk to you." Don't overthink it. Jsdoit.


----------



## bsd3355

I think I'm going to take a break from posting on these forums about me meeting women for a while. Something about updating my progress on a relationships blog in SA doesn't really fit well with my obsession with this. Because everyday I think about this. I have a thread on another forum on RSD Nation I've been on for a while doing updates. I think I am going to move my stuff there. I'll probably post random stuff here and there but not for a while.

Went out tonight btw. Club. Did one approach but wasn't really feeling it. Was there for about an hour


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> I think I'm going to take a break from posting on these forums about me meeting women for a while. Something about updating my progress on a relationships blog in SA doesn't really fit well with my obsession with this. Because everyday I think about this. I have a thread on another forum on RSD Nation I've been on for a while doing updates. I think I am going to move my stuff there. I'll probably post random stuff here and there but not for a while.
> 
> Went out tonight btw. Club. Did one approach but wasn't really feeling it. Was there for about an hour


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I have given up on relationships. 

If a girl wants to come into my life, great. If not, I have porn.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> I have given up on relationships.
> 
> If a girl wants to come into my life, great. If not, I have porn.


Why have you given up? Have you tried and failed a lot recently?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

rymo said:


> Why have you given up? Have you tried and failed a lot recently?


No.

But I'm being realistic. If there is me, and 10 other better looking guys, she will choose one of the 10 better looking guys.


----------



## ravens

There is a girl that works at a pharmacy where I live that I think is cute. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the pharmacy and she asked me if I've been waited on and I said that I had. She then said great. Yesterday I was sitting in the back of a car and we were at the drive-thru and she saw me and smiled. I have a hard time smiling but I did smile. When she smiled at me I started to get real nervous. I want to tell her that I think she is cute but that's something that I've never done before. Why does it have to be that hard for me to do something like that?


----------



## Ivan AG

WintersTale said:


> No.
> 
> But I'm being realistic. If there is me, and 10 other better looking guys, she will choose one of the 10 better looking guys.


I don't think it has anything to do with looks, in regards to women.

It's more about how you carry yourself.


----------



## ravens

I wish I would have tried years ago. I have to keep thinking that one day I'm going to tell a girl that I like that I think she is cute. Even if she didn't feel the same way it would be better than not knowing and at least I would have tried.


----------



## phoenixwright

WintersTale said:


> No.
> 
> But I'm being realistic. If there is me, and 10 other better looking guys, she will choose one of the 10 better looking guys.


There are almost as many young women as there are young men. It shouldn't be that hard to get a gf if you look at the numbers. The problem is that women tend to over-estimate their dating market worth. They can more easily find a suitable bf if they relaxed certain standards that aren't that important. Young women feel like they have all the time in the world to hold out. It's not until they hit 30+ or even 35+ that they get their priorities straight (some never do and end up like those old hags in sex and the city) and relax their ridiculous standards.

Physical attractiveness is a legitimate standard so I'm not saying pair up with people you aren't attracted to. But go for a 7 instead of waiting around for a 10 to stick around instead of hitting it and quitting it. And relax the social status standards significantly.

To be fair I find that I don't legitimately like any girl that has rejected me. I may find lots of women physically attractive. But mental attraction is a different story. Even with the lesbian girl I pursued (I didn't know she was a lesbian), I didn't care to socialize with her much after I found out she doesn't like men in that way. Lol


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> No.
> 
> But I'm being realistic. If there is me, and 10 other better looking guys, she will choose one of the 10 better looking guys.


Then why is she still single? You act as if every girl has a line of guys around the corner vying for her attention. The fact is that most guys DON'T show initiative, so if you just do that much you are MASSIVELY separating yourself from the rest of the guys.

Give it a shot man. You're defeating yourself before you even try, and THAT'S the problem. Not your looks. Are you going to succeed with every girl you find attractive? Absolutely not. No one is. But you aren't going to succeed at all until you stop feeling sorry for yourself and work at it.


----------



## ravens

One of my problems is that I'm worried that she already has a boyfriend. I don't know why I feel this way. I should just go up to her and tell her that I like her.


----------



## TPower

rymo said:


> Then why is she still single? You act as if every girl has a line of guys around the corner vying for her attention. The fact is that most guys DON'T show initiative, so if you just do that much you are MASSIVELY separating yourself from the rest of the guys.
> 
> Give it a shot man. You're defeating yourself before you even try, and THAT'S the problem. Not your looks. Are you going to succeed with every girl you find attractive? Absolutely not. No one is. But you aren't going to succeed at all until you stop feeling sorry for yourself and work at it.


Dude.. my GF had many dates (that didn't turn out well) before me and still has a bunch of messages/invitations to this day.

Even if some men are too nervous or shy to do something, there will still be dozens of men making a move.


----------



## rymo

TPower said:


> Dude.. my GF had many dates (that didn't turn out well) before me and still has a bunch of messages/invitations to this day.
> 
> Even if some men are too nervous or shy to do something, there will still be dozens of men making a move.


And did you get her because you were the best looking out of all of them? Was that the attribute that pushed her into your arms?

Also, why is your girlfriend on an online dating site if she's in a relationship?

By the way you could be a whale on still get messages on a dating site, that's not exactly surprising. I'm more referring to real life.


----------



## TPower

rymo said:


> And did you get her because you were the best looking out of all of them? Was that the attribute that pushed her into your arms?
> 
> Also, why is your girlfriend on an online dating site if she's in a relationship?
> 
> By the way you could be a whale on still get messages on a dating site, that's not exactly surprising. I'm more referring to real life.


- Wouldn't know. She finds me attractive and turned down many guys she found repulsive.

- It isn't really a _dating_ site. More a chit-chat site. She enjoys chatting every now and then.

- It's similar IRL too. Pretty girls will get approached regularly. WintersTale admitted having kind of high standards.


----------



## rymo

TPower said:


> - Wouldn't know. She finds me attractive and turned down many guys she found repulsive.
> 
> - It isn't really a _dating_ site. More a chit-chat site. She enjoys chatting every now and then.
> 
> - It's similar IRL too. Pretty girls will get approached regularly. WintersTale admitted having kind of high standards.


My point is that pretty girls getting approached regularly is no excuse not to approach. A pretty single girl is still single, so who cares how many times she gets approached or has gotten approached? Obviously all those approaches never amounted to anything that lasted, so why not give it a shot? In other words, what does a guy who has never had a girlfriend have to lose? Nothing, but he has everything to gain.


----------



## ravens

What I'm nervous about is talking to her with so many people around. The only place that I've ever seen he is at the pharmacy. Talking to her at her job just seems like she would feel uncomfortable. I don't even know if she's in a relationship.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I'm going about it in a very unethical way unfortunately...

But I can't help it


----------



## rymo

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I'm going about it in a very unethical way unfortunately...
> 
> But I can't help it


?


----------



## RelinquishedHell

rymo said:


> ?


You already know...


----------



## rymo

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> You already know...


I know about your recent story but I don't see how it's unethical. Maybe I'm missing some details.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

rymo said:


> I know about your recent story but I don't see how it's unethical. Maybe I'm missing some details.


I just got in an argument with her boyfriend and I said some really harsh things to him that I should have known better than to say, I really know how to get under people's skin and really hurt them when I want to.
But anyway I feel like he is an a**hole that doesn't deserve her, but I still feel guilty about what I'm doing. But at the same time I really want her badly and I can't just drop her.
Mean while this poor girl is stuck in the middle and feeling like her life is collapsing around her.


----------



## rymo

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I just got in an argument with her boyfriend and I said some really harsh things to him that I should have known better than to say, I really know how to get under people's skin and really hurt them when I want to.
> But anyway I feel like he is an a**hole that doesn't deserve her, but I still feel guilty about what I'm doing. But at the same time* I really want her badly and I can't just drop her*.
> Mean while this poor girl is stuck in the middle and feeling like her life is collapsing around her.


Yes you can, you'll survive. You realize there is no good outcome to this situation if you pursue it? Well, my opinion anyway. You're a good looking guy, you can get plenty of action without all the damn drama, it's just not worth it.


----------



## brownzerg

rymo said:


> IDDQD
> 
> You know what that means? God Mode, my friend. You were in God Mode. Congrats, and I agree - KNOWING WHO YOU ARE and HAVING SOME PRIDE AND RESPECT FOR YOURSELF and STICKING TO YOUR GUNS is the most attractive thing to women.
> 
> You've given me some inspiration. I've been EXTREMELY nervous to call crush tomorrow and finalize our date plans for Tuesday, but I have to get back into that mindset that what I'm doing isn't wrong and that I'm just doing my thing. If she senses weakness, then it's all over. I have to stay strong and be myself with no regrets, then she'll love to join me on the ride.


IDKFA

Forgot to bring all your weapons dude! 

Also why the hate on the facial hair ? been noticing in other threads people want the 'stauche or all of it gone.. 
I likes my facial hair


----------



## RelinquishedHell

rymo said:


> Yes you can, you'll survive. You realize there is no good outcome to this situation if you pursue it? Well, my opinion anyway. You're a good looking guy, you can get plenty of action without all the damn drama, it's just not worth it.


I have already become emotionally attached to her. I just can't forget about her at this point. I want nothing more than to just be with her.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> You already know...


----------



## rymo

brownzerg said:


> IDKFA
> 
> Forgot to bring all your weapons dude!
> 
> Also why the hate on the facial hair ? been noticing in other threads people want the 'stauche or all of it gone..
> I likes my facial hair


I hear ya, but I just think you have the potential to look better, that's all. The facial hair is a bit messy, you look like a guy who plays too much Starcraft. As Zerg.


----------



## ravens

How do you go up to someone that you think is cute and talk to her? The girl that I think is cute works at a pharamcy. What do you say to her? I've never done anything like that in my life before.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> How do you go up to someone that you think is cute and talk to her? The girl that I think is cute works at a pharamcy. What do you say to her? I've never done anything like that in my life before.


you just go up to her and say

"hey, i think you are cute"


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> you just go up to her and say
> 
> "hey, i think you are cute"


That sounds simple enough.

What happens when she gives me a disturbed look and slowly backs away?


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> you just go up to her and say
> 
> "hey, i think you are cute"


That does sound simple. I think i'm going to take something for the anxiety. What's going to make me nervous is having all the people around in the pharmacy. I don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> That sounds simple enough.
> 
> What happens when she gives me a disturbed look and slowly backs away?


nothing happens

you just go away, and no that you took a swing, and struck out

But at least you can look at yourself at night and say, i went for

Then when you go to sleep at night your brain will begin to change


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> That does sound simple. I think i'm going to take something for the anxiety. What's going to make me nervous is having all the people around in the pharmacy. I don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not.


why does it matter.

let me ask you this. If you knew for a fact

not think

but knew for a fact that she would smile and thank you for the compliment, would you say it?


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> why does it matter.
> 
> let me ask you this. If you knew for a fact
> 
> not think
> 
> but knew for a fact that she would smile and thank you for the compliment, would you say it?


Yes I would.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> Yes I would.


what exactly do you have to lose at this point
i dont mean to sound insensitive man, but a guy like you should just be going for it at every turn. You really dont have anything.

It cant get worse no matter what you do


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> what exactly do you have to lose at this point
> i dont mean to sound insensitive man, but a guy like you should just be going for it at every turn. You really dont have anything.
> 
> It cant get worse no matter what you do


I don't have anything to lose. I don't even know her name. I saw her about 3 weeks ago and then I saw her yesterday and she smiled at me.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I don't have anything to lose. I don't even know her name. I saw her about 3 weeks ago and then I saw her yesterday and she smiled at me.


Thats good! Smile means come talk to me!


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> Thats good! Smile means come talk to me!


It's been a long since somebody that I was attracted to smiled at me. I've got to do it this time. If I don't it will be like the times before and I'll think what would have happened it I had talked to her.


----------



## bsd3355

simplepickup live podcast @ 9pm eastern time

check it out if you're interested. i will be


----------



## squall78

So any suggestions on my profile? I opened it up for public view. I messaged a couple of girls but they didn't respond. I lol'ed at some girl that blocked me while I was viewing her profile. Whatever she looked fat in a couple of her photos anyway.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I hope soon I will meet a girl, nearby, who is single and likes me for who I am. Cincinnati sucks for singles, I went to Cleveland recently, and had so much more interest.

I need to get out of this hellhole. I will remain celibate and turn 40 if I stay here after I graduate school.


----------



## Zeeshan

asking out a girl at work

Good idea?
Bad Idea?


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways, another week and i failed to approach a girl. 

Not going to give up, setting the goal again for myself.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways, another week and i failed to approach a girl.
> 
> Not going to give up, setting the goal again for myself.


Why can't you approach? What are some of the thoughts holding you back?


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> asking out a girl at work
> 
> Good idea?
> Bad Idea?


As far as I'm concerned, if you're both mature adults, then I don't see the problem.


----------



## Lostsoulswander

Zeeshan said:


> asking out a girl at work
> 
> Good idea?
> Bad Idea?


I Wouldn't do it. 
If things go bad you'll have to see her every time you go to work.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Why can't you approach? What are some of the thoughts holding you back?


I dont know. Often it wil have something to do with my appearance at the time, the idea that i dont look my best, or unattractive. My being below average heigth at (i am about 5'8'' with shoes on) has a little to do with it as well. These two thoughts always rear their heads.

However its just an inability to act. Sometimes i feel like girls will give me the go ahead. For example, today i went to buy swiffer jet refills at walmart. She asked if i would donate a dollar to charity, i said sure, and then she pointed this out to her fellow cashier. Even thought there was a lineup, we sparked a conversation about how people should always say yes to everything, and forgot about the transaction.

so i wanted to ask her out, but i just couldnt spit out the words, it was just waiting, waiting and then moment was gone. Other times, i would be in the moment, and know i should say something but i dont. I just choke. Almost like a hitter watching a called strike. I am actually very witty, and spark up amazing conversation, often becoming centre of convo in groups.

Other thoughts that go through my head is about excuses. Excuses keep flowing in. These are my top5

1) I can always do it later (Like i dont have to do it right now, but at a later time it will be magically easy for me once i am out of the danger or whatever.) and she will still be there

2) The moment/situation is not right, she is busy with something, and this will be seen as an intrusion.

3) She doesnt/wont find me attractive

4) People are watching

5) Rejection- I am least worried about actual rejection. unless its with someone i know then i worry about it

So i dont know what to do right now, it just seems so impossible. To be Honest, i am feeling a bit frustrated. I have been on NOFAP, and my hormones are through the roof.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

What are you doing to get rid of a girl? :lol


----------



## Zeeshan

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> What are you doing to get rid of a girl? :lol
> 
> ^chill, I'm not talking about you.


:roll you arent thinking about starting another thread are you

Lol


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> As far as I'm concerned, if you're both mature adults, then I don't see the problem.


Actually, I'd say it depends on what you do for work and where you are in life. For me, trying to start up a relationship with someone at work is a risky move. I've passed up a few opportunities at work because I don't want things to get awkward. My job is my career, and I think risking it for a possible relationship with a girl at work seems foolish. If it fails or goes sour then I still have to work with that person or see them every day.

Anyways, I guess it's situation dependent. I know I wouldn't chance it where I work now, but maybe if I worked at just a normal store or held a job where getting another wouldn't be too difficult, then I might go for it.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Zeeshan said:


> :roll you arent thinking about starting another thread are you
> 
> Lol


Lol, no. I guess she made her choice so whatever, her loss. Now she is ignoring me like I did something wrong? She is also falling for the same old stuff again. I genuinely care about her and I know I can do better for her, but I guess she doesn't want it.

On second thought, I think she is the one that is trying to get rid of me


----------



## Zeeshan

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Lol, no. I guess she made her choice so whatever, her loss. Now she is ignoring me like I did something wrong? She is also falling for the same old stuff again. I genuinely care about her and I know I can do better for her, but I guess she doesn't want it.
> 
> On second thought, I think she is the one that is trying to get rid of me


I resent women for this kind of behavior, if only they were a bit more logical in their choices.

Damn emotions, we would have been better off if never had any


----------



## SnowFlakesFire

Zeeshan said:


> I resent women for this kind of behavior, if only they were a bit more logical in their choices.
> 
> Damn emotions, we would have been better off if never had any


Guys are not any better. I knew an ******* which ignored me except when he felt need to bash me... :sus

I am struggling with my want to throw a good troll to him but he can caught me because my English is not good. I am really vengeful because he is cold blooded user and needs to get seriously harmed. I hope he cannot do that any girl again. He is just ****ing coward and a wimp, nothing more. He could even choose someone equal to play with and not take too easy and free game without any challenges. I want revenge


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I resent women for this kind of behavior, if only they were a bit more logical in their choices.
> 
> Damn emotions, we would have been better off if never had any


So i am in a coffee shop right now, and there is a slightly overweight chic sitting on the left of me. Attractive. I am struggling not going for it,


----------



## Zeeshan

She caught me staring at her eyes like so, her eyebrows went up like they go up back together when we see someone we know or expect the other person to say something.

lol i felt a little shock initially, now it seems impossible to do anything

How unfortunate


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> She caught me staring at her eyes like so, her eyebrows went up like they go up back together when we see someone we know or expect the other person to say something.
> 
> lol i felt a little shock initially, now it seems impossible to do anything
> 
> How unfortunate


And this is why you don't post about seeing a chick in a coffee shop - or even think about it for that matter. It's only impossible because you over-analyzed the situation, and then her reaction. Don't give any credence to her reaction, because who cares? She doesn't know you, anything she says or does is not a reflection on you as a person.

Next time you see a cute girl, don't think - just do.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> And this is why you don't post about seeing a chick in a coffee shop - or even think about it for that matter. It's only impossible because you over-analyzed the situation, and then her reaction. Don't give any credence to her reaction, because who cares? She doesn't know you, anything she says or does is not a reflection on you as a person.
> 
> Next time you see a cute girl, don't think - just do.


sounds easy for you

okay just go for it


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> sounds easy for you
> 
> okay just go for it


It's not easy, it's never easy. That's what you have to realize. I don't care who you are. you are ALWAYS going to have a degree of nervousness when approaching a girl. But at the same time, that means you're not special in that regard. You are on the same playing field as any other guy, so when you approach a girl she's not going to think you're strange for doing so, at least not any more or less than if any other guy did it. And 9 times out of 10 she will be appreciative, especially since it's during the day and most girls do NOT get approached during the day. You go up to her and tell her you think she's cute and it'll make her day and she'll remember you.

That being said, waiting and thinking about it is only going to make you MORE nervous. I know that sounds obvious but I have to say that because it only leaves one option. Just doing it right away. That is THE way to approach a girl.


----------



## colder

.


----------



## ravens

colder said:


> Best situation to hit a girl if you just want to get laid is in a bar or at a party. Just tell her your name, or any name, and make smalltalk. If she is interested you can tell because she will be into the conversation, if she looks around, doesn't listen or checks her mobile all the time, don't bother, just leave. Then try again. If you are even below average looking, but you do that with 30 girls, one will say yes that night.


I wish I would have gone to a bar when I was younger then I probably would have gotten laid. When I was younger I was told that I was cute by a few girls.


----------



## brownzerg

rymo said:


> I hear ya, but I just think you have the potential to look better, that's all. The facial hair is a bit messy, you look like a guy who plays too much Starcraft. As Zerg.


:lol

Well I appreciate it. I don't have a lot of ultra-recent photos of myself and I usually don't sport the nerd shirts on a day-to-day. 
It sucks that the appearance and first impression thing is difficult to overcome especially when your already doing what's comfortable and what you like. Maybe I'm being a bit resistant to change but *shrug* I dunno..

I've got it on the inside in spades just cant get past the "hey hows it goin'" stage. I know I'd be a genuine surprise for some lady if they'd only give me half a chance. I'm falling out of the drive to try again lately, just feelin' like an under-appreciated guy who I guess is ugly just based on the reception i get. 
Maybe it'll build back up and I'll go after it but right now I'm just on personal damage control and trying to somehow get myself to stop desiring it so bad


----------



## colder

.


----------



## rymo

brownzerg said:


> :lol
> 
> Well I appreciate it. I don't have a lot of ultra-recent photos of myself and I usually don't sport the nerd shirts on a day-to-day.
> It sucks that the appearance and first impression thing is difficult to overcome especially when your already doing what's comfortable and what you like. Maybe I'm being a bit resistant to change but *shrug* I dunno..
> 
> I've got it on the inside in spades just cant get past the "hey hows it goin'" stage. I know I'd be a genuine surprise for some lady if they'd only give me half a chance. I'm falling out of the drive to try again lately, just feelin' like an under-appreciated guy who I guess is ugly just based on the reception i get.
> Maybe it'll build back up and I'll go after it but right now I'm just on personal damage control and trying to somehow get myself to stop desiring it so bad


Well you have an amazing attitude about your actual worth, so that's a great start. I'm sure you'll build back up your confidence. And yes, it does suck that appearances mean so much, but in that same regard, if you tweak a few things about your appearance and see the change in women's initial reception towards you, it could give you a major confidence boost. No harm in trying new things, you're still the same person deep down no matter what you look like so you might as well experiment a bit. Have some fun with it.


----------



## Zeeshan

I think that i need one of those buzzer therapy things, when every time i dont approach i get a shock. Maybe that will fix me


----------



## ravens

I need a voice in my head that says approach her you idiot.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I dont know. Often it wil have something to do with my appearance at the time, the idea that i dont look my best, or unattractive. My being below average heigth at (i am about 5'8'' with shoes on) has a little to do with it as well. These two thoughts always rear their heads.
> 
> However its just an inability to act. Sometimes i feel like girls will give me the go ahead. For example, today i went to buy swiffer jet refills at walmart. She asked if i would donate a dollar to charity, i said sure, and then she pointed this out to her fellow cashier. Even thought there was a lineup, we sparked a conversation about how people should always say yes to everything, and forgot about the transaction.
> 
> so i wanted to ask her out, but i just couldnt spit out the words, it was just waiting, waiting and then moment was gone. Other times, i would be in the moment, and know i should say something but i dont. I just choke. Almost like a hitter watching a called strike. I am actually very witty, and spark up amazing conversation, often becoming centre of convo in groups.
> 
> Other thoughts that go through my head is about excuses. Excuses keep flowing in. These are my top5
> 
> 1) I can always do it later (Like i dont have to do it right now, but at a later time it will be magically easy for me once i am out of the danger or whatever.) and she will still be there
> 
> 2) The moment/situation is not right, she is busy with something, and this will be seen as an intrusion.
> 
> 3) She doesnt/wont find me attractive
> 
> 4) People are watching
> 
> 5) Rejection- I am least worried about actual rejection. unless its with someone i know then i worry about it
> 
> So i dont know what to do right now, it just seems so impossible. To be Honest, i am feeling a bit frustrated. I have been on NOFAP, and my hormones are through the roof.


I get the same thoughts. What helps me is when I put myself in a position and make it a goal to talk to women. If I go through my day not expecting to talk to women and then it comes up I am often not prepared.

If you can have conversation with a girl then most of what you're doing is good but it sounds like you have an issue with showing your intent. Next time you talk to a girl and you want to escalate to get the number or show your intent, then just show it and say you think she's cute and ask if she'd like to hang out sometime or talk on the phone or w/e. Rejection is so much part of the game that you literally learn to accept it and just view it as a part of the process to find the girls you naturally connect with. Think of it by sifting out to find the gold or something, but you'll never effectively sift through the process unless you somehow show your intent through actions or words and realize rejection is part of the process. Asking for a number is as much as showing intent as saying she's cute in my mind. You know this is something you need to do. You'll do it in time just keep going out and trying.


----------



## edhoo

I finally asked this girl out that I had a huge crush on and she said yes and gave me her number and she seemed so excited that I asked her... well that is apparently where everything went downhill. I started texting her and she just seemed, well, weird. It was nothing like talking to her in person. I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink on Friday night, she said she had work and sent me a screenshot of her work schedule and told me to pick a time that worked. I said "how about Tuesday?" and after that, nothing. I didn't hear back from her. So I figured what the hell and texted her today and I was lucky to get a one word response to anything I said.

I'm glad that I actually had the courage to ask her out but the whole thing is really disconcerting. Especially since she was always flirty and would initiate conversation with me. Oh well.


----------



## Zeeshan

edhoo said:


> I finally asked this girl out that I had a huge crush on and she said yes and gave me her number and she seemed so excited that I asked her... well that is apparently where everything went downhill. I started texting her and she just seemed, well, weird. It was nothing like talking to her in person. I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink on Friday night, she said she had work and sent me a screenshot of her work schedule and told me to pick a time that worked. I said "how about Tuesday?" and after that, nothing. I didn't hear back from her. So I figured what the hell and texted her today and I was lucky to get a one word response to anything I said.
> 
> I'm glad that I actually had the courage to ask her out but the whole thing is really disconcerting. Especially since she was always flirty and would initiate conversation with me. Oh well.


maybe calling would have yielded more positive results


----------



## rymo

edhoo said:


> I finally asked this girl out that I had a huge crush on and she said yes and gave me her number and she seemed so excited that I asked her... well that is apparently where everything went downhill. I started texting her and she just seemed, well, weird. It was nothing like talking to her in person. I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink on Friday night, she said she had work and sent me a screenshot of her work schedule and told me to pick a time that worked. I said "how about Tuesday?" and after that, nothing. I didn't hear back from her. So I figured what the hell and texted her today and I was lucky to get a one word response to anything I said.
> 
> I'm glad that I actually had the courage to ask her out but the whole thing is really disconcerting. Especially since she was always flirty and would initiate conversation with me. Oh well.


That's really lame and unfortunate, but great job asking her out nonetheless! You've got balls of steel.


----------



## edhoo

Zeeshan said:


> maybe calling would have yielded more positive results


Maybe, but when she gave me her number she smiled and said "text me when you get out of class!"

Maybe I took that too literally

haha rymo, thanks


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Zeeshan said:


> I resent women for this kind of behavior, if only they were a bit more logical in their choices.
> 
> Damn emotions, we would have been better off if never had any


I don't resent her. She just made a choice out of fear  I'm always gonna be there for her regardless.

I was just a little worked up when I posted that last comment.


----------



## Zeeshan

edhoo said:


> Maybe, but when she gave me her number she smiled and said "text me when you get out of class!"
> 
> Maybe I took that too literally
> 
> haha rymo, thanks


Is it possible she is already in some sort of a relationship. Gave you her number in a moment, but then realized she didnt want to cheat?


----------



## edhoo

Well it says on facebook that she is single so who knows really


----------



## colder

.


----------



## phoenixwright

Don't overthink the situation edhoo. It's not worth it.

That girl who messaged me recently that I was hesitant about (good looking face but overweight. Unclear just how overweight she is based on pics) didn't reply to my reply to her.
Her (Oct 1st late at night): I like your profile, we should talk
Me (Oct 2nd evening): Sure <her name> I'd like to chat.  Do you prefer to use the on-site IM or prefer to chat off-site? (MSN, texting, etc.)

<signed my first name>
*She logs on 2 days later (Oct 4) and doesn't reply. Since she logged off she hasn't logged in 3 days*

Before I would have over-analyzed that situation thinking "oh was I coming on too strong asking her if she wants to instant message/text? Should I have exchanged private messages on that site a few times before taking it to instant messaging/texting?

But I'm 27 years old now. I don't have time for this ****. If she's no longer interested because I asked her if she wanted to instant message/text early on when she was the one who approached me to boot, her loss. I don't want a woman who is just going to drop a guy like that over a petty little thing or expect me to really impress her on the very first message as if I'm in some ****ing job interview (and the only reason why I'm really eager to impress on a job interview is because you need money to survive. You don't need a girlfriend to survive. I've gone many, many years of my life without a girlfriend and I'm still here after all.)

The problem with men in the dating scene is that they put themselves in the subservient position they are in today. By desperately chasing after ***** little puppy dogs and bombarding girls with attention and messages. I'm not going to waste an hour coming up with a well thought out message when it takes you 20 seconds to come up with your message to me. My time is not worth less than your time. And if you are the type of woman that thinks that way, I don't want to be with you and would rather see an escort.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Don't overthink the situation edhoo. It's not worth it.
> 
> That girl who messaged me recently that I was hesitant about (good looking face but overweight. Unclear just how overweight she is based on pics) didn't reply to my reply to her.
> Her (Oct 1st late at night): I like your profile, we should talk
> Me (Oct 2nd evening): Sure <her name> I'd like to chat.  Do you prefer to use the on-site IM or prefer to chat off-site? (MSN, texting, etc.)
> 
> <signed my first name>
> *She logs on 2 days later (Oct 4) and doesn't reply. Since she logged off she hasn't logged in 3 days*
> 
> Before I would have over-analyzed that situation thinking "oh was I coming on too strong asking her if she wants to instant message/text? Should I have exchanged private messages on that site a few times before taking it to instant messaging/texting?
> 
> But I'm 27 years old now. I don't have time for this ****. If she's no longer interested because I asked her if she wanted to instant message/text early on when she was the one who approached me to boot, her loss. I don't want a woman who is just going to drop a guy like that over a petty little thing or expect me to really impress her on the very first message as if I'm in some ****ing job interview (and the only reason why I'm really eager to impress on a job interview is because you need money to survive. You don't need a girlfriend to survive. I've gone many, many years of my life without a girlfriend and I'm still here after all.)
> 
> The problem with men in the dating scene is that they put themselves in the subservient position they are in today. By desperately chasing after ***** little puppy dogs and bombarding girls with attention and messages. I'm not going to waste an hour coming up with a well thought out message when it takes you 20 seconds to come up with your message to me. My time is not worth less than your time. And if you are the type of woman that thinks that way, I don't want to be with you and would rather see an escort.


I think you make a very good point. Men are so up against it online dating, due to other men. Think about it, a fat girl goes online because she cant get a date in real life. SO she goes online, and here are dozens of men all lying about their profiles. They are all tall, and make great money, and are athletic LOLS

Online dating is a scam, but unfortunately some of us are stuck in that realm


----------



## brownzerg

Having a hard time caring, and by that I mean having enough drive and ambition to go through the grooming and work that it takes to be presentable all the time. Its a bit like the online dating scene mentioned above ^ you spend all this time and genuine effort and for what? for me personally I see absolutely dick in terms of attention or benefit. 
I know it sounds like justification for being lazy about it but it's all serious. I don't get looks or smiles or chit chats or anything. It is literally like I'm a ghost and no-one can see me. 

I'm perfectly comfortable being a bit scraggly and in loose fitting clothing and I get about as much results like that than I do trimmed, shaved, and in a nice shirt and pants. 

*shrug*


----------



## Zeeshan

brownzerg said:


> Having a hard time caring, and by that I mean having enough drive and ambition to go through the grooming and work that it takes to be presentable all the time. Its a bit like the online dating scene mentioned above ^ you spend all this time and genuine effort and for what? for me personally I see absolutely dick in terms of attention or benefit.
> I know it sounds like justification for being lazy about it but it's all serious. I don't get looks or smiles or chit chats or anything. It is literally like I'm a ghost and no-one can see me.
> 
> I'm perfectly comfortable being a bit scraggly and in loose fitting clothing and I get about as much results like that than I do trimmed, shaved, and in a nice shirt and pants.
> 
> *shrug*


How often do you masturbate to porn in a week? Stop and you will see


----------



## brownzerg

I'm down to maybe once or twice a week. Used to be a lot more than that.

I've got no shortage of drive believe me! I just never get anywhere, and I don't mean that in a oh i tried it once or twice a year ago and i'm just calling it never. I mean -Never- 
Litterally the best I can hope for is to be a good friend and nothing more -ever-. I've got no real trouble making female friends and keeping them and having a generally good time with them but the connection doesn't get any further than that. It is as though I am viewed as their brother every time. My flirts and my suggestive attempts just fall on unreceptive ears, they just giggle and say 'Oh you.. your crazy' and thats it. 

I'm an awesome person with a great personality and sense of humor but I lack something that causes women to just not view me as a potential partner. I'm not a donny downer all the time, or annoying, or too smothering, or too controlling, or passive.. or any of that. I can genuinely not fathom why I'm so overlooked.
-That- is what bothers me and destroys my ambition to try. It is not going to matter for whatever mystical BS reason that probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

The sad part is nobody gives a damn outside of my family and myself. 

Sorry to negative up a positive thread.. but its not like more than five people actually read what I type anyway..


----------



## Zeeshan

brownzerg said:


> I'm down to maybe once or twice a week. Used to be a lot more than that.
> 
> I've got no shortage of drive believe me! I just never get anywhere, and I don't mean that in a oh i tried it once or twice a year ago and i'm just calling it never. I mean -Never-
> Litterally the best I can hope for is to be a good friend and nothing more -ever-. I've got no real trouble making female friends and keeping them and having a generally good time with them but the connection doesn't get any further than that. It is as though I am viewed as their brother every time. My flirts and my suggestive attempts just fall on unreceptive ears, they just giggle and say 'Oh you.. your crazy' and thats it.
> 
> I'm an awesome person with a great personality and sense of humor but I lack something that causes women to just not view me as a potential partner. I'm not a donny downer all the time, or annoying, or too smothering, or too controlling, or passive.. or any of that. I can genuinely not fathom why I'm so overlooked.
> -That- is what bothers me and destroys my ambition to try. It is not going to matter for whatever mystical BS reason that probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
> 
> The sad part is nobody gives a damn outside of my family and myself.
> 
> Sorry to negative up a positive thread.. but its not like more than five people actually read what I type anyway..


Why get down. Take what is rigthfully yours. Guys like you and me, and others here, we shouldnt have to go through this ****. However nature has thrown us a curve ball, but we have a choice. Either accept defeat, or take what is rightfully ours.


----------



## bsd3355

brownzerg said:


> I'm down to maybe once or twice a week. Used to be a lot more than that.
> 
> I've got no shortage of drive believe me! I just never get anywhere, and I don't mean that in a oh i tried it once or twice a year ago and i'm just calling it never. I mean -Never-
> Litterally the best I can hope for is to be a good friend and nothing more -ever-. I've got no real trouble making female friends and keeping them and having a generally good time with them but the connection doesn't get any further than that. It is as though I am viewed as their brother every time. My flirts and my suggestive attempts just fall on unreceptive ears, they just giggle and say 'Oh you.. your crazy' and thats it.
> 
> I'm an awesome person with a great personality and sense of humor but I lack something that causes women to just not view me as a potential partner. I'm not a donny downer all the time, or annoying, or too smothering, or too controlling, or passive.. or any of that. I can genuinely not fathom why I'm so overlooked.
> -That- is what bothers me and destroys my ambition to try. It is not going to matter for whatever mystical BS reason that probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
> 
> The sad part is nobody gives a damn outside of my family and myself.
> 
> Sorry to negative up a positive thread.. but its not like more than five people actually read what I type anyway..


Where do you try and meet these girls? How do you approach/interact with them to show them that you are interested?


----------



## Zeeshan

So given that i failed to approach again today, and had perfectly fine situations, one at a coffee shop, another at a grocery store, and probably more that i didnt even seek out. i have decided to try some punishment.

If i fail to approach a girl by next sunday, i will donate 200 dollars to a charity as punishment. I cant afford to waste 200 given my tight budget (Apartment, car etc.). As a negative incentive, i have to donate and put a picture of the receipt here as proof (Or if not allowed to post here, PM it to some of the participants of this thread). Maybe this will work. 

Rules are simple. By next sunday at this time i have to approach a woman, she cant be somebody who is working at a place (like a barista, or a cashier). All i have to do is say hello, and try and start a conversation if she is not into it, so be it. The intention has to be there, 

I am hoping this negative incentive will work for me, because just making goals simply doesnt seem to.


----------



## bsd3355

^Man, that's pretty intense. I wish in this instance I could be with you to show you to do it and get on with it. I've been where you have been so many times. GL.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Well, I joined a dating site. That at least counts for something.

I am getting turned off by the responses to older virgins on the dating site, though, which makes me less likely to message girls through there.

Meh...maybe I should join a religious organization?


----------



## ravens

WintersTale said:


> Well, I joined a dating site. That at least counts for something.
> 
> I am getting turned off by the responses to older virgins on the dating site, though, which makes me less likely to message girls through there.
> 
> Meh...maybe I should join a religious organization?


I've never joined a dating site but what I've heard is that people don't believe it's possible to be a virgin at an older age.


----------



## brownzerg

bwidger85 said:


> Where do you try and meet these girls? How do you approach/interact with them to show them that you are interested?


Grocery Store, Malls/Stores and such. I just try to smile when eye contact is accidentally made. Hold open doors and junk and then try to spark up idle chit chat if the opportunity strikes. Sometimes when I'm in the way with my cart I'll move and say "Sorry" then comment on how nice the fruit is or whatever.. Just idle crap that tries not to present a threat.

Its probably not the way to do it but *shrug* I don't do bars or clubs or drinking at all really...

I get so intimidated and flustered that I probably look like a complete idiot...


----------



## bsd3355

brownzerg said:


> Grocery Store, Malls/Stores and such. I just try to smile when eye contact is accidentally made. Hold open doors and junk and then try to spark up idle chit chat if the opportunity strikes. Sometimes when I'm in the way with my cart I'll move and say "Sorry" then comment on how nice the fruit is or whatever.. Just idle crap that tries not to present a threat.
> 
> Its probably not the way to do it but *shrug* I don't do bars or clubs or drinking at all really...
> 
> I get so intimidated and flustered that I probably look like a complete idiot...


You may just not be doing enough when you approach. Sometimes you just have to make it known that you like the girl and be more aggressive in the way you flirt. Playing it safe is the way most people would like to go about it but often guys aren't really showing their intent. You may benefit by being more direct in what you want. I do understand your frame though.

I don't really like bars that much either but lately it has made a lot of sense to me that it is a good place to meet women because they go there to socialize so at least you got that on your side.

If you have a certain style and way you dress you may also want to look into that.


----------



## brownzerg

bwidger85 said:


> You may just not be doing enough when you approach. Sometimes you just have to make it known that you like the girl and be more aggressive in the way you flirt. Playing it safe is the way most people would like to go about it but often guys aren't really showing their intent. You may benefit by being more direct in what you want. I do understand your frame though.
> 
> I don't really like bars that much either but lately it has made a lot of sense to me that it is a good place to meet women because they go there to socialize so at least you got that on your side.
> 
> If you have a certain style and way you dress you may also want to look into that.


It's certainly worth a shot. Directness might be hard for me but perhaps I'll get accustomed to it. I also hate/freak out with confrontation and If I make things pretty cut and dry it will probably just ramp the anxiety train even more..

In a perfect situation I could approach with a cucumber and two lemons held in one hand and be all 'Heyyyyyyyyyy', but since reality is not nearly as humorous as I'd imagine it to be I guess I'll just see what I can come up with.

Just hate rejection. Never been used to it and I doubt I'll be able to tolerate it.  makes me feel like that guy that ladies just hope don't ask them out or talk to them


----------



## Malek

Could I just walk up to a girl I find attractive and say: "How you doin'?"

Y'know like Joey from Friends? I don't know...


----------



## Moongirlie

ShyAznGuy24 said:


> Could I just walk up to a girl I find attractive and say: "How you doin'?"
> 
> Y'know like Joey from Friends? I don't know...


you could... what's the worst that could happen if she doesn't respond the way you want? .. nothing?.. yea, thats pretty much it, nothing happens... seems like you won't be distraught over that for long...Prob will forget about it sooner than later.. Play the #'s game and approach a lotta girls, and i bet you'll find someone who responds well.


----------



## pythonesque

brownzerg said:


> In a perfect situation I could approach with a cucumber and two lemons held in one hand and be all 'Heyyyyyyyyyy', but since reality is not nearly as humorous as I'd imagine it to be I guess I'll just see what I can come up with.


Hahaha, it would _totally_ make my day if some guy did that to me.


----------



## rymo

brownzerg said:


> It's certainly worth a shot. Directness might be hard for me but perhaps I'll get accustomed to it. I also hate/freak out with confrontation and If I make things pretty cut and dry it will probably just ramp the anxiety train even more..
> 
> In a perfect situation I could approach with a cucumber and two lemons held in one hand and be all 'Heyyyyyyyyyy', but since reality is not nearly as humorous as I'd imagine it to be I guess I'll just see what I can come up with.
> 
> Just hate rejection. Never been used to it and I doubt I'll be able to tolerate it.  makes me feel like that guy that ladies just hope don't ask them out or talk to them


Everyone hates rejection, but believe me with enough experience you'll be able to tolerate it much, much better because you'll realize that it's just part of the game.


----------



## Zeeshan




----------



## Andre

Hell yes! ^ I tell myself that for motivation, and it kind of works. Actually really does.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

bwidger85 said:


> ^ the desire to prove my perceived "shortcomings" didn't matter is another reason why i do it.
> 
> think of the positives:
> 
> 1. You can meet women anywhere
> 2. You lose attachment of what people think of you
> 3. You expand yourself from comfort zones and become more confident about socializing
> 4. The perceived "shortcomings" are not really an obstacle (often)
> 5. you can lots and lots of fun
> 
> In general, I look at it short term and long term. The short term is that I'm expanding my comfort zone and learning things about myself and other people. The long term I envision myself confident in this area, able to put little emotional investment in things that once crushed me, not regretting my past, moving on with an appreciation and satisfaction for what I've done, etc, etc.
> 
> Pain is an indicator for positive change to occur. Emotional pain can be used to excel past hurdles; it can be used for energy to excel. All the negative feelings you feel now can be replaced by positive emotions and thoughts because you put in the work to challenge them and become a better you in all areas of life. The doubt and pain you feel now is like a fog into a greater unknown that will expand your enjoyment of life and it will help you move through life with more expression and ease because you are more well-rounded and you know yourself that much better. there is lots to learn. every emotional painful experience is an opportunity to grow
> 
> why is it when two people get into a relationship one is less "healthy" emotionally than the other? it is often because the person who is more well-rounded and experienced with emotional pain has been there and done that. being "weak" and staying weak is not challenging and growing as a person. the one who is emotionally stable is often the person who has gone through the most **** in life and overcame it


I LOVED this video!


----------



## brownzerg

pythonesque said:


> Hahaha, it would _totally_ make my day if some guy did that to me.


:lol i'll have to keep that in mind



rymo said:


> Everyone hates rejection, but believe me with enough experience you'll be able to tolerate it much, much better because you'll realize that it's just part of the game.


but I hates the game :afr

There's a lot of truth in that statement though. Perhaps I'll just say F-- it and chat someone up


----------



## ravens

I'll go up to the girl that I like and say "Hey. I think you're cute." Can it be that simple?


----------



## huh

Have a date tonight. Hopefully it isn't completely awkward...she told to me that she has social anxiety. Looking forward to meeting her, but very nervous at the moment.


----------



## ravens

huh said:


> Have a date tonight. Hopefully it isn't completely awkward...she told to me that she has social anxiety. Looking forward to meeting her, but very nervous at the moment.


Have a great time. I wish I would have had a date sometimes.


----------



## Black And Mild

Those guys from the simple pickup videos are awkward as ****. Just saying...

They have some good advice on occasion, but they're *lames.*


----------



## kj87

I anonymously mailed a coca cola shirt to this one girl who likes coke with my coke rewards points. She likes coke so I thought maybe she'd like it. Plus, it's kind of a "sorry for stalking you" present. <3


----------



## falling down

kj87 said:


> I anonymously mailed a coca cola shirt to this one girl who likes coke with my coke rewards points. She likes coke so I thought maybe she'd like it. *Plus, it's kind of a "sorry for stalking you" present. <3*


 That's not going to help your situation brah.


----------



## kj87

falling down said:


> That's not going to help your situation brah.


You don't think she'll like it?


----------



## falling down

kj87 said:


> You don't think she'll like it?


If she thinks you're a stalker she's just going to think that the gift is more stalkerish activity.


----------



## kj87

falling down said:


> If she thinks you're a stalker she's just going to think that the gift is more stalkerish activity.


That's wai it was Anonymous 
She'll never know >_>


----------



## ravens

kj87 said:


> That's wai it was Anonymous
> She'll never know >_>


She'll just think that she has a secret admirer.


----------



## kj87

ravens said:


> She'll just think that she has a secret admirer.


Exactly! At least hopefully that's what she'll think. Hopefully she wont ask her boyfriend if it was from him, otherwise things could get weird >_>


----------



## ravens

kj87 said:


> Exactly! At least hopefully that's what she'll think. Hopefully she wont ask her boyfriend if it was from him, otherwise things could get weird >_>


I've thought about putting a letter on the car of someone that I like and saying I think she is the prettiest girl that I've ever seen. That sounds stupid doesn't it.


----------



## kj87

ravens said:


> I've thought about putting a letter on the car of someone that I like and saying I think she is the prettiest girl that I've ever seen. That sounds stupid doesn't it.


It's the thought that counts. If you can tell it to her face. or preferably over instant messenger, that would be better


----------



## rymo

Black And Mild said:


> Those guys from the simple pickup videos are awkward as ****. Just saying...
> 
> They have some good advice on occasion, but they're *lames.*


Nah, they're awesome, and they have massive balls. Obviously they're awkward in a lot of the videos, that's the whole point - goofing off and still able to get numbers. Just goes to show ya, it really doesn't take much. You can call them lame all you want but they've given me the inspiration to approach many girls and improve my confidence in all kinds of social situations, and they just seem like genuine, funny, down-to-earth guys.

Got a date tomorrow with this girl I talked about a few weeks ago that was kind of a *****. I had deleted her number, but she found me on Facebook a week later (stalker) and through conversation on there we ended up hanging out again. She was much more pleasant, so we're going to grab drinks tomorrow night. Very wary, as I've never had a girl pursue me like this (i.e. at all). It's really weird and I'm almost thinking she's a narcissist who just got mad b/c I never texted her and is proving to herself that she can win me over. That's my working theory, we'll see how it goes.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Nah, they're awesome, and they have massive balls. Obviously they're awkward in a lot of the videos, that's the whole point - goofing off and still able to get numbers. Just goes to show ya, it really doesn't take much. You can call them lame all you want but they've given me the inspiration to approach many girls and improve my confidence in all kinds of social situations, and they just seem like genuine, funny, down-to-earth guys.
> 
> Got a date tomorrow with this girl I talked about a few weeks ago that was kind of a *****. I had deleted her number, but she found me on Facebook a week later (stalker) and through conversation on there we ended up hanging out again. She was much more pleasant, so we're going to grab drinks tomorrow night. Very wary, as I've never had a girl pursue me like this (i.e. at all). It's really weird and I'm almost thinking she's a narcissist who just got mad b/c I never texted her and is proving to herself that she can win me over. That's my working theory, we'll see how it goes.


Thats pretty cool. you are over 6 feet right, height advantage

anyhow, i havent done my approach yet. There is a girl at work, and we have been flirting for quite a while, but she kind of flopped out on me today, dont know where her heads at

then i have a class tuesday nights, and there is this girl, thats been in there that i dig for sure. ive said hi to her and what not. So ran into her before class and walked to get some coffee, and then we were together in class as well, sort of a group project thing, had a lot of interaction with her, and ended up leaving together. i have her email, going to see if she wants to meet up to study this weekend.

so eventful day i guess


----------



## MrQuiet76

i've been trying to motivate myself to pursue women but it seems so hard, maybe I would just be better off alone anyway


----------



## huh

huh said:


> Have a date tonight. Hopefully it isn't completely awkward...she told to me that she has social anxiety. Looking forward to meeting her, but very nervous at the moment.


Wow...just wow. I'm still having a hard time believing this happened. Tonight was the best date I've had yet. She's beautiful, smart, funny, understanding of my anxiety/awkwardness...she was wonderful. The attraction seems definitely mutual. We went to eat, talked for nearly 2 hours, went to a movie where we broke the touching barrier (Umm...make out session in the theatre ), Went back to drop her off and we talked/kissed for another hour. We plan on meeting again later this week


----------



## To22

huh said:


> Wow...just wow. I'm still having a hard time believing this happened. Tonight was the best date I've had yet. She's beautiful, smart, funny, understanding of my anxiety/awkwardness...she was wonderful. The attraction seems definitely mutual. We went to eat, talked for nearly 2 hours, went to a movie where we broke the touching barrier (Umm...make out session in the theatre ), Went back to drop her off and we talked/kissed for another hour. We plan on meeting again later this week


 That seems amazing. Things seem to have gone really well. Congratulations! Hopefully things will go well later this week.



MrQuiet76 said:


> i've been trying to motivate myself to pursue women but it seems so hard, maybe I would just be better off alone anyway


You wont know until you get out there and test the waters some more.
Keep on trying to motivate yourself. Imagine just having a girl to kiss, hug, and talk to. Imagine her smelling really nice. One of the best things about a female can be smelling her lol..it may seem silly but it's a simple pleasure


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> Wow...just wow. I'm still having a hard time believing this happened. Tonight was the best date I've had yet. She's beautiful, smart, funny, understanding of my anxiety/awkwardness...she was wonderful. The attraction seems definitely mutual. We went to eat, talked for nearly 2 hours, went to a movie where we broke the touching barrier (Umm...make out session in the theatre ), Went back to drop her off and we talked/kissed for another hour. We plan on meeting again later this week


YEH! Nice job man! That sounds incredibly exciting. Best of luck, and keep us updated.


----------



## srschirm

I met someone last night, it was a great time.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> I met someone last night, it was a great time.


Go on...


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Go on...


LOL well she's a member of SAS, and I had to stop through her town on the way back to where I live. It was an 11 hour drive, and I was coming back from visiting home (which is Myrtle Beach for me). It was a very nice time, we didn't really seem very nervous and hope to do it again sometime soon. We got dinner and dessert and walked around town a bit. I then had to drive 3.5 hours back to Cincinnati so I couldn't stay as long as I wanted.

It was a very nice time.


----------



## srschirm

I had limited computer access while back home, that's why I wasn't on much. My apologies.


----------



## CWe

Waiting, Naked, covered in Caramel.


----------



## MrQuiet76

Hey i had a dream last night where a beautiful girl was around me. I asked for her number and she gave it to me!! Maybe it's a sign.... or maybe I should just sleep more often so that I can actually meet women


----------



## ravens

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that I was kissing a girl in a car and then we had sex.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Black And Mild said:


> Those guys from the simple pickup videos are awkward as ****. Just saying...
> 
> They have some good advice on occasion, but they're *lames.*


They cater to a socially awkward audience, which is a lot of dudes. Basically if they can get laid, anybody can.


----------



## Zeeshan

Looks like people are making great progress.

I still havent done my approach yet, been working the entire time. Sometimes i feel bad if i have to work long hours as i have no social life after the fact or time for one.

Anyhow, just feeling the strain myself....


----------



## AussiePea

Phoned I girl I have been emailing for the past week or so and set up a coffee (I know, cliche) date for Saturday. Really liked what I heard as far as how well spoken she was and keen to have a laugh she was. Fingers crossed!


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Phoned I girl I have been emailing for the past week or so and set up a coffee (I know, cliche) date for Saturday. Really liked what I heard as far as how well spoken she was and keen to have a laugh she was. Fingers crossed!


fantastic. progress everywhere, so encouraging :clap


----------



## rymo

Went on the date I mentioned earlier. Ended up back at my place. We were going at it. Put on condom. Couldn't stay hard. Disaster.

EDIT: I don't really care too much anymore. I don't see any potential with this girl so whatever. At first it's like a huge blow to the manhood, but I realize it's just a fluke thing and if the girl likes you it's not going to matter anyway so who gives a ****.


----------



## stoolie

No physical attraction or did you get nervous?
Don't know if you want to talk about that...


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> No physical attraction or did you get nervous?
> Don't know if you want to talk about that...


Oh I'll talk about anything, I have no shame. 

She was attractive - not ridiculously hot or anything but certainly attractive enough. It's just all in my head. I have generalized anxiety as well as SA so I'm always thinking about different things:

"Is she going to be satisfied?"
"Am I going to have to give her the friend speech eventually?"
"What am I going to do at work tomorrow?"

I mean it's unbelievable. It's not so much anxiety as it's just very hard for me to focus, especially when I'm not feeling emotionally attached to the girl. Add in a condom and it's instant death - just thinking about putting one on is a buzz kill. Oh yeh, and regardless of how much action I am getting or not getting, I masturbate WAY too much. Lately I've been pretty socially active and busy in general but I still find time to do it. It's just a stress-reliever and a habit at this point. Also a way to procrastinate going to sleep, which is the last piece of the puzzle. Always too damn tired.

First step is to stop wacking it so much. Next is to just try to enjoy the moment more and stop thinking about random ****. Just have fun. And then the sleep thing, which has been a problem all my life. That's not going to change any time soon to be honest, but we'll see.


----------



## Fenren

rymo said:


> Went on the date I mentioned earlier. Ended up back at my place. We were going at it. Put on condom. Couldn't stay hard. Disaster.
> 
> EDIT: I don't really care too much anymore. I don't see any potential with this girl so whatever. At first it's like a huge blow to the manhood, but I realize it's just a fluke thing and if the girl likes you it's not going to matter anyway so who gives a ****.


Oh god, I'm worried the same will happen to me if/when I get a chance to actually try and have sex. It happened on an "attempted" one night stand, I'm worried I might be psychologically impotent at this point.

I'm sure you'll be fine next time.


----------



## ravens

If I was to have sex at sometime in my life that's what I'm concered about.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Oh I'll talk about anything, I have no shame.


I somehow thought you would say something like that 



rymo said:


> "Is she going to be satisfied?"
> "Am I going to have to give her the friend speech eventually?"
> "What am I going to do at work tomorrow?"


You thought about those things as you were putting on a condom?
I have no experience, but I think work would be the last thing on my mind at that moment. To be honest thinking about anything would be problematic 

About the insufficient sleep, are you still doing p90x? I generally sleep like a stone after a hard workout.


----------



## FranzKafka

It seems intuitive that if you worry too much about getting/maintaining an erection, you are more likely to face problems with it.
Some people feel aversion to sex. Some people feel aversion to sex AND have repressed that. Surely it would be the worst of all to realize you have such an issue when you are about to have sex...


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> I somehow thought you would say something like that
> 
> You thought about those things as you were putting on a condom?
> I have no experience, but I think work would be the last thing on my mind at that moment. To be honest thinking about anything would be problematic
> 
> About the insufficient sleep, are you still doing p90x? I generally sleep like a stone after a hard workout.


Yeh still doing it...not religiously but 3-4+ times a week. It helps...but no matter how tired I am I can still sit up in bed with my laptop and procrastinate forever. That's what it is. Procrastinating. Not wanting to deal with tomorrow. But the thing is, there's nothing really wrong in my life. For the first time, things are going pretty damn well. So why the **** do I still feel this dread about things, this general nervousness that doesn't go away and prevents me from just hitting the sack at night? Drives me crazy.

As for thinking about those things, it's not while putting on a condom, it's even before that. Instead of just being completely happy and in the moment my head is just all over the place. Yeh...it really sucks.






^ words of wisdom. I need to figure out what I'm so afraid of and then kick it in the teeth.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Yeh still doing it...not religiously but 3-4+ times a week. It helps...but no matter how tired I am I can still sit up in bed with my laptop and procrastinate forever. That's what it is. Procrastinating. Not wanting to deal with tomorrow. But the thing is, there's nothing really wrong in my life. For the first time, things are going pretty damn well. So why the **** do I still feel this dread about things, this general nervousness that doesn't go away and prevents me from just hitting the sack at night? Drives me crazy.
> 
> As for thinking about those things, it's not while putting on a condom, it's even before that. Instead of just being completely happy and in the moment my head is just all over the place. Yeh...it really sucks.


Browsing in bed or before you go to sleep isn't really helpful. Try to procrastinate in another room and maybe listen to some music 5 minutes before you go to bed. That way the bright screen doesn't keep you brain alert and you body doesn't adjust to doing other things in bed except sleeping and things I've never experienced.  --> :/

At least you're having dates and sex, just thinking about us poor schmucks should make you feel better instantly.

What actually happened that night? Did you managed to continue and finish? Did she even notice? I have now idea what I would do.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Browsing in bed or before you go to sleep isn't really helpful. Try to procrastinate in another room and maybe listen to some music 5 minutes before you go to bed. That way the bright screen doesn't keep you brain alert and you body doesn't adjust to doing other things in bed except sleeping and things I've never experienced.  --> :/
> 
> At least you're having dates and sex, just thinking about us poor schmucks should make you feel better instantly.
> 
> What actually happened that night? Did you managed to continue and finish? Did she even notice? I have now idea what I would do.


I know browsing in bed is horrible, but I just can't help it. My willpower hasn't been strong enough yet to not fall into this habit time and time again.

Poor schmucks lol. It's all relative, man. It wasn't more than a year ago that I wasn't dating at all...now that I am life throws new challenges to overcome.

I tried twice to get things going but it failed, and I think she was disappointed enough that she didn't want to do anything else instead. I made my case for fooling around with her in other ways, but she wasn't really feeling it. So we just cuddled up a bit and talked for a while until she finally left. Aint no thang, I'll get it going next time. Buy a different brand of condoms (for psychological purposes), get my mind right, realize that whatever happens it's not the end of the world. All good. Train keeps moving.


----------



## stoolie

Just keep the laptop in another room and never bring it to the bedroom. That should help.

Thanks for the details. At least she didn't laugh at you or all the other evil things my mind would conjure in that situation.

So you are still going to see/date her? Even when you are thinking about giving her the "let's just be friends" talk?


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Just keep the laptop in another room and never bring it to the bedroom. That should help.
> 
> Thanks for the details. At least she didn't laugh at you or all the other evil things my mind would conjure in that situation.
> 
> So you are still going to see/date her? Even when you are thinking about giving her the "let's just be friends" talk?


Probably going to do something with her this weekend. Part of me wants to make up for my performance or lack thereof but part of me realizes that it doesn't matter and that that's just my ego talking. Which is a hell of an improvement from where my head used to be in situations like this. But I still wouldn't mind hanging out with her again regardless of all that.


----------



## Rossy

Again nothing,I cannot be bothered anymore.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> Again nothing,I cannot be bothered anymore.


-_-


----------



## Rossy

I don't have time,interest or any spare energy for "getting a girl"


----------



## typemismatch

I've put a fly on the end of my penis, I'm hoping to lure them in.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> I don't have time,interest or any spare energy for "getting a girl"


Bull****


----------



## Rossy

Its not


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> Its not


Then stop posting in this thread plox


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Went on the date I mentioned earlier. Ended up back at my place. We were going at it. Put on condom. Couldn't stay hard. Disaster.
> 
> EDIT: I don't really care too much anymore. I don't see any potential with this girl so whatever. At first it's like a huge blow to the manhood, but I realize it's just a fluke thing and if the girl likes you it's not going to matter anyway so who gives a ****.


would this have anything to do with your crush?


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> would this have anything to do with your crush?


Nah I don't care about that anymore.


----------



## ElectricEnigma

typemismatch said:


> I've put a fly on the end of my penis, I'm hoping to lure them in.


LOL!


----------



## Zeeshan

anyhow to my life then

Met my cute neighbour this morning. Elevators werent moving so we ended up talking for like 20 minutes, and then taking the stairs down together. She lives right beside me. shared my cereal with her

So when we ended up leaving i told her to drop by anytime, she said yea we should have dinner, add me on facebook.

The problem is i dont have facebook, nor do i want it. So i figured Saturday i would knock on her door and as her if she is free for dinner? Does that sound okay, she lives in the apartment right beside me.

To the girl from my class, i am gonna email her today and ask her if she wants to study this weekend.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> anyhow to my life then
> 
> Met my cute neighbour this morning. Elevators werent moving so we ended up talking for like 20 minutes, and then taking the stairs down together. She lives right beside me. shared my cereal with her
> 
> So when we ended up leaving i told her to drop by anytime, she said yea we should have dinner, add me on facebook.
> 
> The problem is i dont have facebook, nor do i want it. So i figured Saturday i would knock on her door and as her if she is free for dinner? Does that sound okay, she lives in the apartment right beside me.
> 
> To the girl from my class, i am gonna email her today and ask her if she wants to study this weekend.


Shoulda just told her you didn't use Facebook and to give you her number instead. No biggie...just get it next time.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Shoulda just told her you didn't use Facebook and to give you her number instead. No biggie...just get it next time.


it wasnt possible, we were both in a hurry, late for work in the morning, and rushing to our cars. Anyhow i feel comfortable just knocking on her door, granted i wait a couple of days


----------



## Garretoo

Some girl messaged me on okcupid commenting how she is shy too and is understanding and asking me kind of video games I play. I messaged her back and nothing back so far, its even stranger to me since I saw she was online a couple hours after I sent the message. It's been a full day now. I mean there is obviously a chance she will message me back still, but I'm slightly confused. I guess its good experience regardless? :/ . Not putting any hopes into her messaging me back though.


----------



## rymo

Garretoo said:


> Some girl messaged me on okcupid commenting how she is shy too and is understanding and asking me kind of video games I play. I messaged her back and nothing back so far, its even stranger to me since I saw she was online a couple hours after I sent the message. It's been a full day now. I mean there is obviously a chance she will message me back still, but I'm slightly confused. I guess its good experience regardless? :/ . Not putting any hopes into her messaging me back though.


It's good to not get your hopes too high on these sites, just for your own sanity. Also, sometimes it can take up to a week for a girl to respond, so don't look too far into the fact that she didn't respond within a day. People are flaky in general and ten times moreso online, and girls don't usually just latch onto someone right away like guys do. In other words, it's rare for a girl to see a guy and be like, "omg he's so perfect he is just like me I need to meet him." Guys do this all the time, though; building up a girl in their mind to be this perfect person for them. When the girl doesn't reciprocate the same level of interest, guys get confused.

The date is really where you will get a girl's interest skyrocketing. Before that, it's somewhat of a crapshoot. All you can do is do your best and not get your expectations too high, which is what you seem to be doing, so good job.


----------



## Garretoo

I mean, to me it is just plain rude. It's like smiling asking someone a question and and then staring at them after they give their answer and walking away. I try to maintain a higher respect of people, and would never do what she did. Sure I might not reply to someone, but not after I initiated the conversation. Anyways there is still the chance she messages back. I know I sound bitter but trust me I'm not.


----------



## rymo

Garretoo said:


> I mean, to me it is just plain rude. It's like smiling asking someone a question and and then staring at them after they give their answer and walking away. I try to maintain a higher respect of people, and would never do what she did. Sure I might not reply to someone, but not after I initiated the conversation. Anyways there is still the chance she messages back. I know I sound bitter but trust me I'm not.


I believe you, and I agree to a certain extent - if they respond to you once and then not after that, it's a bit strange. But again, it's only been a day, and I don't think it's nearly the same level of rudeness as your example because online interactions are not nearly as personal (messaging, anyway). Just realize that people have other things going on in their lives. Sometimes they even just plain forget. Whaddya gonna do.


----------



## Garretoo

Indeed, there is a much higher level of accountability in a real conversation. One thing I'm thinking is maybe she has a long list of conversations with guys to look after, I mean girls are in a different situation on dating sites right? Maybe she lost interest in mine after she found someone that was better in her eyes. I can see this being a real possibility. No point to speculate but I'll do it anyway lol.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Post my ugliness on the internet and hope someone don't find me ugly. Well its not working anyways.


----------



## squall78

Garretoo said:


> Some girl messaged me on okcupid commenting how she is shy too and is understanding and asking me kind of video games I play. I messaged her back and nothing back so far, its even stranger to me since I saw she was online a couple hours after I sent the message. It's been a full day now. I mean there is obviously a chance she will message me back still, but I'm slightly confused. I guess its good experience regardless? :/ . Not putting any hopes into her messaging me back though.


I'm noticing that online is a lot more fickle than face to face, because girls can go hot to cold very quickly. Just keep messaging a lot and see what you can catch. Seems to be futile putting all your stock into one girl.


----------



## Polar

i tried once a couple years ago but failed.
now i just wait for them to approach me... it works but we don't always really match...
my last date was october last year.... humph....


----------



## Brandeezy

Still trying to figure out how to date without a car, I'm pretty sure it'll be a deal breaker. Oh yeah, I have Seborrheic Dermatitis on my scalp so that doesn't help either. I end up wearing hats a lot to avoid staring or questions :/


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> YEH! Nice job man! That sounds incredibly exciting. Best of luck, and keep us updated.


Well, things have gotten physical kind of fast this week. We plan on meeting tomorrow at her place. I think we get along quite well now that the initial awkwardness is gone. Unless something goes disastrously wrong, I see this as a potential long term relationship.


----------



## stoolie

huh said:


> Well, things have gotten physical kind of fast this week. We plan on meeting tomorrow at her place. I think we get along quite well now that the initial awkwardness is gone. Unless something goes diastourously wrong, I see this as a potential long term relationship.


That's great. I envy you. :teeth

I'm still thinking about the girl I had my only "encounter" with.
Even though it has been two months, that she said she doesn't want a relationship. That itself isn't a problem, what irritates me is that she didn't even come online or spoke to me in those two months.
Although we chatted for hours almost every day before.

Maybe I should message hear and ask what is up, maybe ask what I did wrong, so at least I can learn from it. What do I have to lose? We don't have common friends.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> I know browsing in bed is horrible, but I just can't help it. My willpower hasn't been strong enough yet to not fall into this habit time and time again.
> 
> Poor schmucks lol. It's all relative, man. It wasn't more than a year ago that I wasn't dating at all...now that I am life throws new challenges to overcome.
> 
> I tried twice to get things going but it failed, and I think she was disappointed enough that she didn't want to do anything else instead. I made my case for fooling around with her in other ways, but she wasn't really feeling it. So we just cuddled up a bit and talked for a while until she finally left. Aint no thang, I'll get it going next time. Buy a different brand of condoms (for psychological purposes), get my mind right, realize that whatever happens it's not the end of the world. All good. Train keeps moving.


Recently I started using Lifestyles Ultra Sensitives. They're not bad. That's the only type marketed as sensitive that I've tried.


----------



## Brandeezy

Even if I tried, I don't think im bf material. I don't have anything that would attract a woman. I don't drive (said once b4) I don't want kids, I live at home with my grandmother in a small *** house, I work 40+ hrs a week, have a skin disorder and I don't want to get married. Now it'll take a pretty open minded woman to date me or even find me attractive. Which is like a 5% chance


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Even if I tried, I don't think im bf material. I don't have anything that would attract a woman. I don't drive (said once b4) I don't want kids, I live at home with my grandmother in a small *** house, I work 40+ hrs a week, have a skin disorder and I don't want to get married. Now it'll take a pretty open minded woman to date me or even find me attractive. Which is like a 5% chance


5% haha..nice statistic. All I know is I've seen videos of guys approaching girls and getting their number, making out, or even taking the girl home and not once at any point did any of hat stuff come up. You're getting way ahead of yourself. What's the skin condition?


----------



## lightningstorm

Nothing really. I am not physically attractive for a woman to like me.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> 5% haha..nice statistic. All I know is I've seen videos of guys approaching girls and getting their number, making out, or even taking the girl home and not once at any point did any of hat stuff come up. You're getting way ahead of yourself. What's the skin condition?


Its seborrich dermentitis (spell check lol) it sucks, I have on my scalp and it goes pass my hairline. So it looks like I have bleached skin near my hairline


----------



## Zerix

Some of you guys really need to drop the "bf" mentality and stop seeking a relationship. Just catch dates with girls, and go with the flow, if a relationship is meant to be then it'll happen.

As for me, I haven't had anything happen nor any convos even ever since I pulled one at a club few weekends ago... I wish I could forever be in that state of mind. Confidence sux!


----------



## AussiePea

I agree with just giving the dating thing a go and not trying to concentrate so much on the "gf" thing almost as if it just magically happens overnight. The first step is dating, getting yourself out there and meeting new people, this can be through online dating or offline, whichever makes you more comfortable.

I have found that giving the dating thing a go has been the biggest positive improvement for my self esteem and confidence, the biggest things is seems that is lacking in this thread from what I can see. Less telling yourselves that you will never find anyone and you are useless and more actually making an effort to prove those misconceptions wrong.

Yes it is challenging with SA, but you can't just give up due to that or you will never achieve anything in your life, face the fears in a slow, steady and manageable pace and in time you will make improvements.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> anyhow to my life then
> 
> Met my cute neighbour this morning. Elevators werent moving so we ended up talking for like 20 minutes, and then taking the stairs down together. She lives right beside me. shared my cereal with her
> 
> So when we ended up leaving i told her to drop by anytime, she said yea we should have dinner, add me on facebook.
> 
> The problem is i dont have facebook, nor do i want it. So i figured Saturday i would knock on her door and as her if she is free for dinner? Does that sound okay, she lives in the apartment right beside me.
> 
> To the girl from my class, i am gonna email her today and ask her if she wants to study this weekend.


So i have had a really busy week, because of things getting really hectic at work. Thats why i will allow myself till next Friday on my challange. I hope no one minds, but i think its justified. If i dont get it done by next Friday i will definitely donate the $200 as punishment.

On my neighbor, who i met on Thursday, i plan to knock on her door on Sunday and ask her if she is free for dinner. She is a real hot chick too, but she did say we should get dinner so i dont think she would say that unless she was attracted. I dont want to do it on Friday or Saturday, i think it will make me look like i have no life.

I emailed the girl from my class today, she gave me kind of a maybe answer (Its too much detail to go to), but she left it kind of open ended. I am still hoping to get coffee with her this weekend.

So at least a couple of balls in the air is better then nothing.

By the way, like Rymo, i wasnt even dating like at the end of June for like 2 years, so since starting posting on this thread i have made ridiculous progress. However combined with cutting out the fapping, i have made ridiculous progress. i had a nice short term relationship, a couple of great dates, tried to restart things with an old flame.

To think 4 months ago, i would have been able to do none of that man. This week both the girl in my class and my neighbor, seemed very interested in me. The way i talked to both of them, made physical contact, teased them, talked to them like a man would have been impossible 4 months ago. I feel like slowly but surely i am taking control of my destiny, and thats the tops.

I feel so confident, where i was once filled with so much doubt.


----------



## Brandeezy

AussiePea said:


> I agree with just giving the dating thing a go and not trying to concentrate so much on the "gf" thing almost as if it just magically happens overnight. The first step is dating, getting yourself out there and meeting new people, this can be through online dating or offline, whichever makes you more comfortable.
> 
> I have found that giving the dating thing a go has been the biggest positive improvement for my self esteem and confidence, the biggest things is seems that is lacking in this thread from what I can see. Less telling yourselves that you will never find anyone and you are useless and more actually making an effort to prove those misconceptions wrong.
> 
> Yes it is challenging with SA, but you can't just give up due to that or you will never achieve anything in your life, face the fears in a slow, steady and manageable pace and in time you will make improvements.


I don't know how to ask a woman on an date and I don't know anyone to ask out. It would have to be some random person I find attractive on the street somewhere.


----------



## AussiePea

Brandeezy said:


> I don't know how to ask a woman on an date and I don't know anyone to ask out. It would have to be some random person I find attractive on the street somewhere.


Give the online thing a go, it enables you to skip the awkward initial approach and instead you can do it casually online. The key to success in that "world" is to write a truthful yet positive and appealing profile and be proactive about messaging/sending flirt things to girls on there.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I opened up a line of communication with this girl tonight on POF. I'm terrified that I'll say something wrong, though, so I'm waiting with baited breath every time she responds.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

And I just realized now that I have nothing in common with her. Crap! What do I do now?

I don't even know how to respond to this email. I asked her what some of her favorite books were, and she responded with a list of books that I have never read!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Seems to me like you both enjoy reading. :teeth


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

That's true, but I don't want to respond to that "I have never read any of those books, but here are some that I _have_ read..."...would sound pathetic.

But yeah, my mountains of books here definitely prove I hate (hate hate!) reading...lol.

She sounds like a cool girl, but I don't see this going anywhere. Another profile that I was going to write to has it open to making friends as a possibility, but this girl is specifically looking for dates. I don't think I am one.


----------



## Shack

I signed up for geek2geek today but kind of got scared off... only 90 girls in my area... I guess I should try, but they don't seem like SA to me, more like normal but geeky people


----------



## Shack

Ok I'm going to go back on PlentyofFish which I made an account for a while ago and try to be more courageous sending out a lot of messages : )


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I need to just be proactive. I am not out to win any races here.


----------



## srschirm

WintersTale said:


> I need to just be proactive. I am not out to win any races here.


You're catching on.


----------



## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> I need to just be proactive. I am not out to win any races here.


Man today you took a wonderful step in the right direction, keep taking them, and soon you just dont feel any fear or anxiety doing them.


----------



## srschirm

WintersTale said:


> That's true, but I don't want to respond to that "I have never read any of those books, but here are some that I _have_ read..."...would sound pathetic.
> 
> But yeah, my mountains of books here definitely prove I hate (hate hate!) reading...lol.
> 
> She sounds like a cool girl, but I don't see this going anywhere. Another profile that I was going to write to has it open to making friends as a possibility, but this girl is specifically looking for dates. I don't think I am one.


Dude, just say you haven't read those ones yet and tell about your faves. You're psyching yourself out for no reason. It's not like you're going to meet your exact twin out there.


----------



## rymo

^ Exactly. By the way the flurry of advice and proactiveness over the last day in this thread makes me really  WintersTale, keep it up man. Don't overthink it. Brandeezy, your turn buddy. I think the online thing is a good suggestion for you. It's a good place to start if you simply cannot approach in real life yet.

Also, srschirm you are the man. I mean, we all already knew that but I just want to reiterate. I ended up going with Durex Extra Sensitive and it made a world of difference. Let's just say I made up for last time and all is well in the world again. My advice to all: do not use Trojan Ecstasy condoms, they are terrible.


----------



## ravens

I'm going to try online dating. I've never done anything like this before. I've never went on any dates at all. I'm tired of living like this.


----------



## rymo

ravens said:


> I'm going to try online dating. I've never done anything like this before. I've never went on any dates at all. I'm tired of living like this.


I like the attitude.


----------



## ravens

I wish I could've told girls that I've liked before that I liked them. There is one that I've seen that I think is very pretty but she is a lot younger than I am. I saw her yesterday and my heart almost stopped when I saw her. I just think she is the prettiest girl that I've ever seen.


----------



## rymo

ravens said:


> I wish I could've told girls that I've liked before that I liked them. There is one that I've seen that I think is very pretty but she is a lot younger than I am. I saw her yesterday and my heart almost stopped when I saw her. I just think she is the prettiest girl that I've ever seen.


No more wishing and regretting, that doesn't accomplish anything. Try the online thing, work on yourself and your self-esteem, look forward not backward.


----------



## ravens

What I'm concered about is that I don't seem to take good pictures. When I look in the mirror I think I'm good looking but I cant stand my pictures.


----------



## Luka92

Nothing, really. It's very difficult for me to have a normal conversation with people I don't know well, so you can imagine how hard it is for me to flirt with someone. I can't carry a conversation and I also have mild BDD.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> ^ Exactly. By the way the flurry of advice and proactiveness over the last day in this thread makes me really  WintersTale, keep it up man. Don't overthink it. Brandeezy, your turn buddy. I think the online thing is a good suggestion for you. It's a good place to start if you simply cannot approach in real life yet.
> 
> Also, srschirm you are the man. I mean, we all already knew that but I just want to reiterate. I ended up going with Durex Extra Sensitive and it made a world of difference. Let's just say I made up for last time and all is well in the world again. My advice to all: do not use Trojan Ecstasy condoms, they are terrible.


Haha thanks man, that means a lot! I was actually on fire last night at work. I was teaching these three new people (two of whom were girls) and being witty, confident, and taking charge. I had little anxiety, I just didn't let it control my thoughts. Tonight I'm going to try to focus a little more on eye contact, a major weakness of mine.

Glad you found what works! That rocks.


----------



## ravens

I don't know what to put on a dating profile. I don't have a job and all I do all day is surf the internet or when I feel like it I play video games which is not much lately. I also listen to music all the time too. That's not much of a life.


----------



## estse

i got cable, but still i have no girl on my arm. beheld her, then she came, only with some other guy. continue to watch direct tv.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I don't know what to put on a dating profile. I don't have a job and all I do all day is surf the internet or when I feel like it I play video games which is not much lately. I also listen to music all the time too. That's not much of a life.


just like put your favorite movies, and put some generic stuff, like you like to go to cafe's. Maybe look up some great profiles, and copy some of the things

In the end it doesnt really matter. I am very proud of you bro, do it.


----------



## Andre

I think I really need friends first. I am not sure where to start.

I keep thinking/feeling like people are going to be as cruel as my ex-gf. But of course this is a false belief, right? Just some faulty programming that can be overcome through diligent and focused efforts that become routine.


----------



## DubnRun

Tried going out alone but it doesnt work, no one was even around thats how ****ing **** it is where I live. All dating sites ****ing suck too, you gotta pay to read a message? **** off im not doing that ****. Cupid is the only free one I know and no one even uses that in my area. I'll never have a gf even though girls have told me im gd looking in the past its just never gonna happen. pointless even trying anymore I give up, im just gonna stay alone my entire life, or end up dying early.


----------



## squall78

ravens said:


> I don't know what to put on a dating profile. I don't have a job and all I do all day is surf the internet or when I feel like it I play video games which is not much lately. I also listen to music all the time too. That's not much of a life.


You could put things you are interested in trying. I put in my profile in the "What are you thinking about" section that I wanted to be a bird because they get to fly around. The whole imagination thing seems to get my attention when I'm looking at profiles more then profiles that read like resumes.


----------



## Brandeezy

AussiePea said:


> Give the online thing a go, it enables you to skip the awkward initial approach and instead you can do it casually online. The key to success in that "world" is to write a truthful yet positive and appealing profile and be proactive about messaging/sending flirt things to girls on there.


I've tried that. I've been a member of POF since 2008 and I haven't had any luck from then to now. I think I've sent about 200+ messages and only received about 20 messages that lead to nowhere. I haven't visited the site in almost a month, it's depressing but atleast I tried. I'm a member of Okcupid too but I haven't received not one message on there so I don't visit the site often. Anyone want to review my profile?
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


----------



## squall78

Brandeezy said:


> I've tried that. I've been a member of POF since 2008 and I haven't had any luck from then to now. I think I've sent about 200+ messages and only received about 20 messages that lead to nowhere. I haven't visited the site in almost a month, it's depressing but atleast I tried. I'm a member of Okcupid too but I haven't received not one message on there so I don't visit the site often. Anyone want to review my profile?
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


I'm not a profile pro but I've looked over your POF:

You write you're a guy that people don't expect to hear a joke from. Maybe you could explain the last time this happened?

Expand a bit about the music you create. Most musicians that I talked to are very passionate about explaining the type of music they create, and you can show that through the profile.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I've tried that. I've been a member of POF since 2008 and I haven't had any luck from then to now. I think I've sent about 200+ messages and only received about 20 messages that lead to nowhere. I haven't visited the site in almost a month, it's depressing but atleast I tried. I'm a member of Okcupid too but I haven't received not one message on there so I don't visit the site often. Anyone want to review my profile?
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


Those pics are god awful, man. :no In your main pic you're not even looking at the camera. In the third pic you're not looking at all. In the second one you have a GREAT smile but you have the hoodie up. Try to get some pics like the second one but where you're wearing something nice and you're looking at the camera. I would still keep the second one but replace the other two.


----------



## Zeeshan

might also want to leave your profession out. Not very many women will be impressed by that. Better to put something you are working on

1000 posts


----------



## ravens

I don't have a job so I don't know what I could put down.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I don't have a job so I don't know what I could put down.


just put nothing jeesh. Its okay


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Those pics are god awful, man. :no In your main pic you're not even looking at the camera. In the third pic you're not looking at all. In the second one you have a GREAT smile but you have the hoodie up. Try to get some pics like the second one but where you're wearing something nice and you're looking at the camera. I would still keep the second one but replace the other two.


I was looking at the camera, it's something with my eyes i guess and I have a couple pics with me in a polo collared shirt but I don't think they're that great



Zeeshan said:


> might also want to leave your profession out. Not very many women will be impressed by that. Better to put something you are working on
> 
> 1000 posts


I left it vague though, for all they know I could be the manager of a Walmart


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Is there ever an appropriate time to approach a girl? I can't help feelling I'm making excuses, but short of being rude I don't see how I can go about it. Two instances in the past days. I locked eyes, but they were both walking at quite some pace so I felt awkward just in case they cut me off with "I'm in a rush" or something similar. What would I lose from that interaction? Nothing in retrospect, but in the moment it seems like everything.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Is there ever an appropriate time to approach a girl? I can't help feelling I'm making excuses, but short of being rude I don't see how I can go about it. Two instances in the past days. I locked eyes, but they were both walking at quite some pace so I felt awkward just in case they cut me off with "I'm in a rush" or something similar. What would I lose from that interaction? Nothing in retrospect, but in the moment it seems like everything.


They won't cut you off though, that's the beauty of it. I mean it's possible, but if you stopped them with a smile and told them to come talk to you, they would.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Raven, I would say that you have some major strikes against you, that you need to get fixed before you start dating.

The major three things that women demand are:

1. Looks
2. Security 
3. Personality

I don't know what you look like, but if you look like a model, you might get away with not having the second part. But the second one, security, involves 1.) a job, and 2.) your own place, and 3.) your own car. I don't know if you drive, but you've already got two strikes against you, so I would work on that.

Personality...meh, someone will find your personality attractive. But you need to have 2 straightened out.

Have you thought about going to college? Did you go to college? Are you good at anything? Surely there is something you're talented at; find what it is, and do it. Even if it's stacking boxes in a warehouse. Go do it, and as soon as you have the job, and the career, women will gravitate to you. I'd say that most of your issues don't have to do with the fact that you live at home (which some women will be able to work with), nor the fact that you are inexperienced, but the fact that you have no employment and are not working TO get employed.

I am a late bloomer, but am busting my butt in college. I will be 32 by the time I graduate...but hey, at least I'm taking steps to get somewhere. It's never too late to go back to school; my mom was 55 when she went back to school for nursing.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

That's some positive advice, WintersTale. Part of the reason I haven't signed up to POF yet is because I'm lacking in those areas. I'm on the brink of a job and subsequently my own place, so once everything is in order I'll put me self out there.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Maybe I should hold off on POF for right now. 

I don't have a job, but am going to college, and I live at home. Obviously two areas where I lack.


----------



## Canucklehead

WintersTale said:


> Maybe I should hold off on POF for right now.
> 
> I don't have a job, but am going to college, and I live at home. Obviously two areas where I lack.


As long as you have prospects for the future you aren't a complete write off for chicks.

Just keep in mind girls are expensive, and you'll probably at least want a part time job to take her places.


----------



## srschirm

Yeah unfortunately chicks require cash. Not having a car in this town blows too. But I definitely would still message on POF...what could it hurt?


----------



## TPower

Chicks require cash, says who?

Most of the time, I pay for myself and she pays for herself when we go out. As for first dates, the woman likely to have me pay her way is not born yet.

If she's not OK with that she can go **** herself. I'm not getting into any serious relationship with a cheap woman.


----------



## Canucklehead

TPower said:


> Chicks require cash, says who?
> 
> Most of the time, I pay for myself and she pays for herself when we go out. As for first dates, the woman likely to have me pay her way is not born yet.
> 
> If she's not OK with that she can go **** herself. I'm not getting into any serious relationship with a cheap woman.


Chicks require you to not not have cash, is that better?

If she wants to go dutch, that's great, but I always feel like it's implied that I will be paying if I ask a girl out somewhere.

Also, wouldn't you want to be chivalrous? I don't see why spending money on a girl you like is such a horrible thing.


----------



## bg09

Brandeezy said:


> I've tried that. I've been a member of POF since 2008 and I haven't had any luck from then to now. I think I've sent about 200+ messages and only received about 20 messages that lead to nowhere. I haven't visited the site in almost a month, it's depressing but atleast I tried. I'm a member of Okcupid too but I haven't received not one message on there so I don't visit the site often. Anyone want to review my profile?
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


you just gotta send out msgs to hundreds of girls, and go with okcupid, the girls are much more attractive on there


----------



## TPower

Canucklehead said:


> Chicks require you to not not have cash, is that better?
> 
> If she wants to go dutch, that's great, but I always feel like it's implied that I will be paying if I ask a girl out somewhere.
> 
> Also, wouldn't you want to be chivalrous? I don't see why spending money on a girl you like is such a horrible thing.


I don't see it the same way most people do. If I ask her 'would you like to meet at some restaurant?', I'm not asking her for a favor, therefore, I'm not implying that I'm going to pay. I'm proposing something.

Chivalry? Why? The fact that my date has a vagina is worth spending 40+ dollars for dinner with her? And if the date goes terribly wrong, I'm supposed to smile like a spinless 'gentleman' despite throwing money in the garbage bin?

Sorry, before that happens, she better prove to me she's worth it. Until then, she pays for herself.


----------



## rymo

TPower said:


> I don't see it the same way most people do. If I ask her 'would you like to meet at some restaurant?', I'm not asking her for a favor, therefore, I'm not implying that I'm going to pay. I'm proposing something.
> 
> Chivalry? Why? The fact that my date has a vagina is worth spending 40+ dollars for dinner with her? And if the date goes terribly wrong, I'm supposed to smile like a spinless 'gentleman' despite throwing money in the garbage bin?
> 
> Sorry, before that happens, she better prove to me she's worth it. Until then, she pays for herself.


You are quite the feminist. Almost like a girl who scoffs at a guy for holding the door open for him.

It's just called being nice. No one's forcing you to pay, but people do appreciate it and there's nothing wrong with being generous, whether you get anything out of the date or not. If you have a bitter and negative view of people and the world, though, then I understand the difficulty in achieving that level of generosity. Gentleman status.


----------



## TPower

Let's put it another way: Why couldn't the girl be nice to ME and pay my meal?

Oh, the book didn't say it worked that way, did it?


----------



## rymo

TPower said:


> Let's put it another way: Why couldn't the girl be nice to ME and pay my meal?
> 
> Oh, the book didn't say it worked that way, did it?


What book? It's just about being a good guy.


----------



## Canucklehead

TPower said:


> Let's put it another way: Why couldn't the girl be nice to ME and pay my meal?
> 
> Oh, the book didn't say it worked that way, did it?


I would insist that I at least pay for half, and if she was like, "No, I insist that I pay for all of it", I wouldn't complain.

To somehow expect that to happen though is kind of silly.


----------



## Zeeshan

So i am just going to knock on my neighbours door today, and ask her if she is free for dinner. Maybe i will have a drink before asking, :afr nervy stuff this


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> I would insist that I at least pay for half, and if she was like, "No, I insist that I pay for all of it", I wouldn't complain.
> 
> To somehow expect that to happen though is kind of silly.


In my experience, even though she may pay half or whatever, she will hold it against you. You can bet that its bound to come up when she talks the date over with her friend.

Friend: "who paid"
Her: "Oh we split the bill"
Friend: "Scumbag, you dont need that man girl, he cheap"
Her: "Yea i guess you are right"

And oh yea, she will always listen to her friend


----------



## srschirm

I agree with TPower. Unfortunately though, as guys, we almost gave to "play the game" in order to get anywhere. Like I recently said, people want things to be equal up to a point it stops benefiting them.


----------



## Seosa

I wish I could contribute, but I don't have anything positive. I just be myself, without being abrasive.


----------



## ravens

WintersTale said:


> Raven, I would say that you have some major strikes against you, that you need to get fixed before you start dating.
> 
> The major three things that women demand are:
> 
> 1. Looks
> 2. Security
> 3. Personality
> 
> I don't know what you look like, but if you look like a model, you might get away with not having the second part. But the second one, security, involves 1.) a job, and 2.) your own place, and 3.) your own car. I don't know if you drive, but you've already got two strikes against you, so I would work on that.
> 
> Personality...meh, someone will find your personality attractive. But you need to have 2 straightened out.
> 
> Have you thought about going to college? Did you go to college? Are you good at anything? Surely there is something you're talented at; find what it is, and do it. Even if it's stacking boxes in a warehouse. Go do it, and as soon as you have the job, and the career, women will gravitate to you. I'd say that most of your issues don't have to do with the fact that you live at home (which some women will be able to work with), nor the fact that you are inexperienced, but the fact that you have no employment and are not working TO get employed.
> 
> I am a late bloomer, but am busting my butt in college. I will be 32 by the time I graduate...but hey, at least I'm taking steps to get somewhere. It's never too late to go back to school; my mom was 55 when she went back to school for nursing.


I went to college for a couple of months after I graduated high school. I went to a community college and I left when my family had to move. In high school I took computer programming in COBOL. When I was a senior they were talking about teaching C programming. I've done computer programming on my own in C++.

The only work experience I have was working with my father. He was a brick layer and we also built a few houses. I worked from the age of 20 until the beginning of this year.

Even if I had a job moving out will be tough because of my parents health. My father can't drive anymore and my mother has emphysema.

I haven't drove a car since I was 17 but I'm going to get my license.

I don't know what women think of how I look. I haven't had any compliments in many years. Since I was 20 I've struggled with my weight and my weight got up to over 250 pounds. I've finally lost a lot of weight and now I weigh around 190 pounds. I want to get down to around 175. I've got some of my pictures on here.


----------



## TPower

Zeeshan said:


> In my experience, even though she may pay half or whatever, she will hold it against you. You can bet that its bound to come up when she talks the date over with her friend.
> 
> Friend: "who paid"
> Her: "Oh we split the bill"
> Friend: "Scumbag, you dont need that man girl, he cheap"
> Her: "Yea i guess you are right"
> 
> And oh yea, she will always listen to her friend


I see a lot of irony in this line of thinking.

Who's cheap, the person who doesn't pay for the other or the person who doesn't pay for herself?


----------



## Zeeshan

TPower said:


> I see a lot of irony in this line of thinking.
> 
> Who's cheap, the person who doesn't pay for the other or the person who doesn't pay for herself?


I usually meet girls for coffee, and am not going to ask her for 3 dollars lol


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I went to college for a couple of months after I graduated high school. I went to a community college and I left when my family had to move. In high school I took computer programming in COBOL. When I was a senior they were talking about teaching C programming. I've done computer programming on my own in C++.
> 
> The only work experience I have was working with my father. He was a brick layer and we also built a few houses. I worked from the age of 20 until the beginning of this year.
> 
> Even if I had a job moving out will be tough because of my parents health. My father can't drive anymore and my mother has emphysema.
> 
> I haven't drove a car since I was 17 but I'm going to get my license.
> 
> I don't know what women think of how I look. I haven't had any compliments in many years. Since I was 20 I've struggled with my weight and my weight got up to over 250 pounds. I've finally lost a lot of weight and now I weigh around 190 pounds. I want to get down to around 175. I've got some of my pictures on here.


Whats more important for you parents

You spending time with them, when their life is over

or you taking a last shot at falling in love, and maybe having a family while there is still time. Go ask them.

Anyways this isnt about you moving out, or driving. For now all you have to do is make a profile. put construction as a job


----------



## Garretoo

I've really been psyching myself out about even attempting dating. My energy is almost certainly better spent thinking about my future and my career. Need to get my license, need to move out out of my dads house and in with my best friend, need to go back to school and get certified to repair computers, need to socialize more. Hopefully these things will make me a more happy and confident person, and then I won't have to worry about dating it will just come along. Yeah you know what, **** even thinking about dating and be depressed about it, this happens every time. I could just go for it and date, but the mental and physical hurdles are too much.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I emailed the girl from my class today, she gave me kind of a maybe answer (Its too much detail to go to), but she left it kind of open ended. I am still hoping to get coffee with her this weekend.


So i replied to that girl with my phone number and she did text me just now, saying she cant make it for coffee, followed by rain check. Do not know what to make of this,

I dont want to push on too much, and seem to desperate. Maybe she is playing a little bit hard to get, she is good looking. could also by interest is low on her end, though she did text me which is better then nothing.

Dont know how to play it further. :blank


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> So i am just going to knock on my neighbours door today, and ask her if she is free for dinner. Maybe i will have a drink before asking, :afr nervy stuff this


Did you do it?

I think it's great that you guys are trying to improve yourself by getting a car, better job or apartment. But I just wanted to say that these things alone won't get you a date or a gf.

I'm speaking from my personal experience here. I have a bachelor degree, well paying job and my own apartment. I don't need a car where I live, because this city has great public transport.

But I have yet to find girl or even an opportunity to approach a girl.

There are almost no girls at the gym I go to and that's pretty much the only thing I do except going to work or buying groceries. I don't go to bars and my friends have long lost interest in asking me to join them.

I often see cute girls on the train, but I just can't approach them in front of so many strangers. It feels like this type of approach would be more of an advanced type and skipping a few levels for me.


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> Did you do it?
> 
> I think it's great that you guys are trying to improve yourself by getting a car, better job or apartment. But I just wanted to say that these things alone won't get you a date or a gf.
> 
> I'm speaking from my personal experience here. I have a bachelor degree, well paying job and my own apartment. I don't need a car where I live, because this city has great public transport.
> 
> But I have yet to find girl or even an opportunity to approach a girl.
> 
> There are almost no girls at the gym I go to and that's pretty much the only thing I do except going to work or buying groceries. I don't go to bars and my friends have long lost interest in asking me to join them.
> 
> I often see cute girls on the train, but I just can't approach them in front of so many strangers. It feels like this type of approach would be more of an advanced type and skipping a few levels for me.


you make your chances

Girl hasnt been home all day, checked for her car in the garage. this is kind of making me angry but just have to chill. It will be too late after 9, because i want to ask her for dinner tonight, like casually, like im just gonna go downstairs and grab something come with me, rather then like a request for a date. I dont think that will work.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I don't agree with the person who said to lie about your job. A relationship started on lies will lead nowhere but heartache.

I definitely agree that you shouldn't tell her you're a virgin, unless specifically asked, and that is only after you really get to know her. But, raven, I may be 11 years younger than you, but I know what it's like...*I am there, man.

*_And as far as your job goes, you are a geek and that is a good thing! I am currently studying computer programming, and am in my first semester (give or take, I have some things knocked out from other majors), and am loving it. I am a bit confused about some things, but I love computers.

I also have discovered that there are a lot of young college aged girls who are going into geeky stuff. When I was in graphic design, I was with mostly young women...and in my HTML class, there are three cute girls (much out of my league, but anyway...)

You just need to find your niche, and stick with it. Ten years from now, you should have been retiring from your career...since you didn't do it then, you have to do it now. What will you do when your parents are gone? You need to learn how to live on your own.

And I'm not saying you can't have a million hobbies. I am a musician, and I am making a few bucks here and there from the music I have put out there. 
_


----------



## ManOfFewWords




----------



## AussiePea

Well I went on my date on sat, the date itself went well, was a bit awkward at first when I realised my choice of coffee shop was right in the open in the middle of the mall, so people were everywhere haha. Anyway she was prettier than her pics suggested, and nice but didn't really connect or anything, I didn't really click with her sense of humour either unfortunately.

Still, I did it, something I would have thought impossible a year ago, will keep trying!


----------



## ManOfFewWords




----------



## Johnsonss

Not sure how to properly communicate with women? If you don’t know what to say to women to make them want you…you’re not getting the results you deserve. If you’re not hooking up with beautiful women on a regular basis, you’re sending the wrong signals.


----------



## ravens

WintersTale said:


> I don't agree with the person who said to lie about your job. A relationship started on lies will lead nowhere but heartache.
> 
> I definitely agree that you shouldn't tell her you're a virgin, unless specifically asked, and that is only after you really get to know her. But, raven, I may be 11 years younger than you, but I know what it's like...*I am there, man.*
> 
> _And as far as your job goes, you are a geek and that is a good thing! I am currently studying computer programming, and am in my first semester (give or take, I have some things knocked out from other majors), and am loving it. I am a bit confused about some things, but I love computers. _
> 
> _I also have discovered that there are a lot of young college aged girls who are going into geeky stuff. When I was in graphic design, I was with mostly young women...and in my HTML class, there are three cute girls (much out of my league, but anyway...)_
> 
> _You just need to find your niche, and stick with it. Ten years from now, you should have been retiring from your career...since you didn't do it then, you have to do it now. What will you do when your parents are gone? You need to learn how to live on your own._
> 
> _And I'm not saying you can't have a million hobbies. I am a musician, and I am making a few bucks here and there from the music I have put out there. _


I've thought about going to college and taking computer programming. I live less than an hour from MTSU. Computer programming is what I've always wanted to since high school.


----------



## srschirm

ravens said:


> I've thought about going to college and taking computer programming. I live less than an hour from MTSU. Computer programming is what I've always wanted to since high school.


I had a friend who went to MTSU and enjoyed it. What's keeping you from going?


----------



## ravens

srschirm said:


> I had a friend who went to MTSU and enjoyed it. What's keeping you from going?


Right now my father is trying to get money from VA because of his heart disease and stroke. We might have to move and I'm going to have to wait and see what happens with that before I do anything.

I do have credit card debt and no money so I'm going to have get a student loan to be able to go.


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> you make your chances


How? I don't even know where to begin.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> How? I don't even know where to begin.


Yes you do. Think about it. What do you think the first step would be towards creating your own chances - towards getting a girl?


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Yes you do. Think about it. What do you think the first step would be towards creating your own chances - towards getting a girl?


Finding opportunities to meet girls?


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Finding opportunities to meet girls?


Well...maybe. Let me ask you something: what is your daily routine like? Work, school, etc. In other words, do you pass by any cute girls in your day, whether they are just randoms or people you know?


----------



## stoolie

Very rarely. My commute to work is very short.
The biggest problem is that my current daily routine is like how you described your two years ago. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to the gym, cook and that's basically it.

I do have friends how go out and "party", but that whole bar scene thing is just so horrendous. I don't enjoy screaming at people I want to talk to, because the music in those places is way too loud.

Also the problem for me about approaching girls in bars or other places is that they mostly stand around in packs and I don't have the balls like you to approach a group of girls or people I don't know.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Very rarely. My commute to work is very short.
> The biggest problem is that my current daily routine is like how you described your two years ago. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to the gym, cook and that's basically it.
> 
> I do have friends how go out and "party", but that whole bar scene thing is just so horrendous. I don't enjoy screaming at people I want to talk to, because the music in those places is way too loud.
> 
> Also the problem for me about approaching girls in bars or other places is that they mostly stand around in packs and I don't have the balls like you to approach a group of girls or people I don't know.


I can't imagine every bar they go to has music blasting that loud..I mean it's not like a club or something. Usually unless there's live music then it won't be that bad.

But man all I can say is I wish I had a situation like yours when I was starting to approach girls. I would go by myself to these bars because I had no friends! You have this beautiful opportunity to go with your friends and have them encourage and support you. Wingmen who can help you out and allow you to not stand around by yourself looking like an idiot.

Approaching a girl in the day is easier for someone starting out because there's not this high pressure, high energy environment. But at the same time, you have less to lose at night because most people are drunk, most girls are expecting to get hit on, it's more 'socially accepted'. You see guys going up to girls and striking out all the time. If you put yourself out there, you would be no different from any other guy. Unfortunately, since you don't come across any girls in your daily travels, that just leaves going out at night. Have you ever tried approaching a girl in a bar (or in the day, for that matter)?


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Have you ever tried approaching a girl in a bar (or in the day, for that matter)?


I even was approached by a girl in club once, but I was already too drunk to act on it, because that was my way to deal with being in a club full of strangers.
Then I also told one girl that she was cute over IM and even cuddled with her on the couch.

That was pretty much it.

Lately I noticed that I feel much more comfortable to message girls on dating sites. Probably because I just don't care anymore. But still with little "success"

Also I'm on my 6th day of /r/NoFap/ 
Maybe I can use the pressure to get over my approach anxiety.


----------



## jsgt

Not doing anything at the moment, other than keeping a positive outlook that we may meet some day. If not, no biggie. It's nice to read of everyones progress here...very inspirational. :clap


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> I even was approached by a girl in club once, but I was already too drunk to act on it, because that was my way to deal with being in a club full of strangers.
> Then I also told one girl that she was cute over IM and even cuddled with her on the couch.
> 
> That was pretty much it.
> 
> Lately I noticed that I feel much more comfortable to message girls on dating sites. Probably because I just don't care anymore. But still with little "success"
> 
> Also I'm on my 6th day of /r/NoFap/
> Maybe I can use the pressure to get over my approach anxiety.


day 16 myself, and let me tell you the pressure is building

Right now i am feeling a lot of pressure to make something happen, a lot of pressure. In fact i cant sit


----------



## Zeeshan

Feel down right now:blank


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I'm just hoping that maybe one day she will come around.
Or maybe that was just her way of letting me down as softly as she could


----------



## mattigummi

I talked to my crush again on facebook. Which makes it the 4th time we do that. Slowly progressing...

Edit: She said hi and smiled to me in school today


----------



## DubnRun

Im doing nothin but then again its hard if u dont have friends to even get out.. I guess online is my best bet but I only know of 1 free site thats actually alright, the rest sucks and u gotta pay to read a message??!! **** that. I'll get a girl soon though easy


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> day 16 myself, and let me tell you the pressure is building
> 
> Right now i am feeling a lot of pressure to make something happen, a lot of pressure. In fact i cant sit


I already managed to do over a month, unfortunately it didn't really help.
But I'm trying it again, maybe even longer this time. I have nothing to lose.


----------



## arnie

bg09 said:


> you just gotta send out msgs to hundreds of girls, and go with okcupid, the girls are much more attractive on there


So you message a hundred girls and just take the 1 in a 100 that responds? No thanks. Chances are you won't be happy together. Relationships are about mutual compatibility.

I don't like most of the girls on dating websites anyway. We wouldn't get along personality wise anyway.


----------



## srschirm

arnie said:


> So you message a hundred girls and just take the 1 in a 100 that responds? No thanks. Chances are you won't be happy together. Relationships are about mutual compatibility.


That's the way it goes...it isn't easy.


----------



## srschirm

I'm talking to a girl from POF now. We've been texting the past couple days. I think I'm going to ask her later today when she wants to get together.


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> I'm talking to a girl from POF now. We've been texting the past couple days. I think I'm going to ask her later today when she wants to get together.


High five dude!

Btw I blew it with the other chick I was courting on okcupid. The one I was talking about a few weeks ago that had her birthday within like 3 days of mine.

I was talking to her on skype, I was drunk, and said some pretty inappropriate things >_>. Well not that inappropriate, but inappropriate things for having never met before.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> High five dude!
> 
> Btw I blew it with the other chick I was courting on okcupid. The one I was talking about a few weeks ago that had her birthday within like 3 days of mine.
> 
> I was talking to her on skype, I was drunk, and said some pretty inappropriate things >_>. Well not that inappropriate, but inappropriate things for having never met before.


Thanks! 

Oh man, that sucks...did she just stop talking to you? I think I did something similar on POF a couple weeks ago...kinda making fun of her profile after we were talking for a couple days...hadn't heard from her since, lol. But my view is, if she can't take an obvious joke, she isn't that great anyways, you know?

Any other prospects?


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> Thanks!
> 
> Oh man, that sucks...did she just stop talking to you? I think I did something similar on POF a couple weeks ago...kinda making fun of her profile after we were talking for a couple days...hadn't heard from her since, lol. But my view is, if she can't take an obvious joke, she isn't that great anyways, you know?
> 
> Any other prospects?


Yeah she just stopped talking to me completely, things were going great up until that happened. She told me she was a virgin and that she had never even kissed a guy before, which is something you don't just tell any random guy, right?

So anyways I asked, and she gave me her phone number the night before all this skype business happened. The next day she just stopped replying to my messages. I sent a text saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint". :/

She seems extremely picky, which is crazy because we are such a good match on paper.

Anyways, her loss. :roll

Naw, I don't really have any prospects either. Not on okcupid anyways.


----------



## Canucklehead

Good lord, I should have gotten into nursing, the chicks that just left the nursing class were all supermodels.


----------



## rymo

Canucklehead said:


> Good lord, I should have gotten into nursing, the chicks that just left the nursing class were all supermodels.


God I envy you...I wish I were around nursing classes..gold mine.


----------



## arnie

srschirm said:


> That's the way it goes...it isn't easy.


Are you talking about 1 in 100 dates, or 1 in 100 responses. Last time, I tried okcupid about half of the girls responded to me, but I didn't take the conversations very far. I didn't really like anyone on there.


----------



## Rossy

I really have given up before I have started and it shows.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> I really have given up before I have started and it shows.


Just TRY. You don't want life to pass you by and be looking back in total regret. You've got the power, just do it.


----------



## srschirm

arnie said:


> Are you talking about 1 in 100 dates, or 1 in 100 responses. Last time, I tried okcupid about half of the girls responded to me, but I didn't take the conversations very far. I didn't really like anyone on there.


Honestly, my response rate is generally in the 20-25% range. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. Why didn't you take the conversations farther? It's usually very beneficial to go on dates. Helps you socially and you give the other person a fair shot. But of the 25% who respond, maybe only 10% end up as a date.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Good lord, I should have gotten into nursing, the chicks that just left the nursing class were all supermodels.


I'm actually considering going back for nursing or radiology, lol. Both run in the family.


----------



## Rossy

I really don't care anymore.


----------



## arnie

srschirm said:


> Honestly, my response rate is generally in the 20-25% range. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. Why didn't you take the conversations farther? It's usually very beneficial to go on dates. Helps you socially and you give the other person a fair shot. But of the 25% who respond, maybe only 10% end up as a date.


I wouldn't be compatible with any of them.


----------



## Brandeezy

Since I don't have any experience dating, I might have to start with hs girls. I live down the street from one and walk pass a lot of them when I get off work


----------



## srschirm

arnie said:


> I wouldn't be compatible with any of them.


Are you sure? And if not, so what? It's good experience. You never know until you try.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Yeah she just stopped talking to me completely, things were going great up until that happened. She told me she was a virgin and that she had never even kissed a guy before, which is something you don't just tell any random guy, right?
> 
> So anyways I asked, and she gave me her phone number the night before all this skype business happened. The next day she just stopped replying to my messages. I sent a text saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint". :/
> 
> She seems extremely picky, which is crazy because we are such a good match on paper.
> 
> Anyways, her loss. :roll
> 
> Naw, I don't really have any prospects either. Not on okcupid anyways.


Ugh...I just think that's so messed up, to disappear. It doesn't make any sense. I guess with virgins you have to be a little careful. I like your attitude though, it's her loss.


----------



## komorikun

Canucklehead said:


> Yeah she just stopped talking to me completely, things were going great up until that happened. She told me she was a virgin and that she had never even kissed a guy before, which is something you don't just tell any random guy, right?
> 
> So anyways I asked, and she gave me her phone number the night before all this skype business happened. The next day she just stopped replying to my messages. I sent a text saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint". :/
> 
> She seems extremely picky, which is crazy because we are such a good match on paper.
> 
> Anyways, her loss. :roll
> 
> Naw, I don't really have any prospects either. Not on okcupid anyways.


Maybe that is the reason she is a virgin at such a late age.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> I really don't care anymore.


Why do you continue to post that you don't care in this thread? If you didn't care you wouldn't bother to post. If a girl landed in your lap I'm sure you would start caring real quick. Just because you have to work a bit to accomplish that means you're going to just give up? BULL****!


----------



## srschirm

komorikun said:


> Maybe that is the reason she is a virgin at such a late age.


Good point.


----------



## Rossy

Nope


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Why do you continue to post that you don't care in this thread? If you didn't care you wouldn't bother to post. If a girl landed in your lap I'm sure you would start caring real quick. Just because you have to work a bit to accomplish that means you're going to just give up? BULL****!


That was the biggest rage comic I've ever seen.

Were you looking for anything specific with your question rymo?


rymo said:


> Have you ever tried approaching a girl in a bar (or in the day, for that matter)?


Answer to that


----------



## brownzerg

Long but worth it! representation of Rymo's rage.

I've been pondering getting on OkCupid again but have a hard time convincing myself. The job hunt is still going nowhere fast despite my applying to almost every employable business around here.

Also I struggle with the notion that I have to wine and dine someone in the first place. Whatever happened to just sitting down and talking? taking a walk through a park? I don't mean to seem cheap I'm just broke with no income currently 
It makes me feel as though I'm just a means to buy her things, and that is difficult for me since I've been taken for a ride before.

I just don't know  and the loneliness is eating away at me.


----------



## komorikun

brownzerg said:


> Long but worth it! representation of Rymo's rage.
> 
> I've been pondering getting on OkCupid again but have a hard time convincing myself. The job hunt is still going nowhere fast despite my applying to almost every employable business around here.
> 
> Also I struggle with the notion that I have to wine and dine someone in the first place. Whatever happened to just sitting down and talking? taking a walk through a park? I don't mean to seem cheap I'm just broke with no income currently
> It makes me feel as though I'm just a means to buy her things, and that is difficult for me since I've been taken for a ride before.
> 
> I just don't know  and the loneliness is eating away at me.


Does your town have a high unemployment rate? Maybe you should move somewhere where there are more prospects. What kind of skills do you have?

Dating while you are unemployed really sucks. I didn't like it cause I had no idea where the guy would take me and if he would pay or not. It's kind of awkward to tell a potential date that you are extremely broke and can only go somewhere cheap. It's also awkward to ask the guy if he will pay.


----------



## Brandeezy

Updated my profile pics for POF

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


----------



## brownzerg

komorikun said:


> Does your town have a high unemployment rate? Maybe you should move somewhere where there are more prospects. What kind of skills do you have?
> 
> Dating while you are unemployed really sucks. I didn't like it cause I had no idea where the guy would take me and if he would pay or not. It's kind of awkward to tell a potential date that you are extremely broke and can only go somewhere cheap. It's also awkward to ask the guy if he will pay.


It does I think. This is one of the towns that were hit bad by the Chrysler layoffs and I think most people who lost their jobs at the plant ended up soaking up a lot of other jobs around here. Plus there's a college nearby and then there's the seasonal labor too.

With the SA there's only so many jobs I'm able to do but being twenty-seven and having no prior work experience might be killing me in the application competition. Volunteer work has been suggested but I dunno.. I guess I'm just in a rut mentally or something 

I don't think I'm a bad guy and I might be a real nice surprise for some lucky lady if given the chance. It's been eleven years since I've been kissed so it adds to the awkwardness around women.

I just don't know anymore, and now with the upstairs neighbors waking me up every hour or so when I'm trying to sleep I just wake up exhausted and feeling like I don't want to do anything. Leaving me with nothing but time to think about things and it makes me lonely. Its just a downward spiral from there 

Sorry for the gush heh. I don't want rymo flippin' more tables


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Updated my profile pics for POF
> 
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39163447


2nd two are great, main one I'm not lovin...the way the light hits your eyes makes it look like you're squinting. That sounded somewhat gay, but I'm serious - big improvement except for the 1st one. Also the background in the first one is kind of meh...i think the brighter environments are better.


----------



## komorikun

brownzerg said:


> It does I think. This is one of the towns that were hit bad by the Chrysler layoffs and I think most people who lost their jobs at the plant ended up soaking up a lot of other jobs around here. Plus there's a college nearby and then there's the seasonal labor too.
> 
> With the SA there's only so many jobs I'm able to do but being twenty-seven and having no prior work experience might be killing me in the application competition. Volunteer work has been suggested but I dunno.. I guess I'm just in a rut mentally or something
> 
> I don't think I'm a bad guy and I might be a real nice surprise for some lucky lady if given the chance. It's been eleven years since I've been kissed so it adds to the awkwardness around women.
> 
> I just don't know anymore, and now with the upstairs neighbors waking me up every hour or so when I'm trying to sleep I just wake up exhausted and feeling like I don't want to do anything. Leaving me with nothing but time to think about things and it makes me lonely. Its just a downward spiral from there
> 
> Sorry for the gush heh. I don't want rymo flippin' more tables


You got to go to college or volunteer to put something on your resume. If you've never worked and you're 27 that's an even bigger problem than not getting laid. And most women are going to be like, "oh god, am I gonna have to support this guy?"

Try wearing ear plugs to get some sleep. I use ear plugs almost everyday cause my roommates make noise in the kitchen and I'm a light sleeper.


----------



## Zeeshan

well looks like things have taken a dip for the worse in my love life. 

The girl i was hitting on from class, who didnt meet me for coffee chose to purposely sit elsewhere today. Dont really know what i did, but furthermore i dont really care. Slowly but surely i am crossing into the line of shamelessness. Anyways what good as shame has ever done for me. I reckon to think back, i am caring less and less for rejection.

I also started listening to an audio book called the psychology of winning. its all about going after desires rather then following fear.


----------



## srschirm

Zeeshan said:


> well looks like things have taken a dip for the worse in my love life.
> 
> The girl i was hitting on from class, who didnt meet me for coffee chose to purposely sit elsewhere today. Dont really know what i did, but furthermore i dont really care. Slowly but surely i am crossing into the line of shamelessness. Anyways what good as shame has ever done for me. I reckon to think back, i am caring less and less for rejection.
> 
> I also started listening to an audio book called the psychology of winning. its all about going after desires rather then following fear.


Actually it's taking a turn for the better with that attitude.


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Actually it's taking a turn for the better with that attitude.


its a give or take really

I dont know where NOFAP is going, but i think i am done with masturbation. It does nothing for me anymore, i dont even want the pleasure.

Im just trying to be shameless and winning driven, at the same time dealing with the ugly feelings of constant rejections

Its a sad sad situation, but i suppose its better then nothing at all


----------



## ManOfFewWords

It isn't about your success and failure with women. It's about becoming that guy who goes for what he wants and isn't phased by the outcome.


----------



## AussiePea

Well I finally sent a message to this girl ive been crushing on who is a friend of a friend (the friend is the one who suggested I should message her and thinks we would be a good match). Bit awkward though since I just messaged her out of the blue but I did focus it on a similar interest so hopefully I can at least get the ball rolling with some discussion on that topic and see how it goes.

Or she might just not even reply haha. But it's better to know then to be left wondering.


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Well I finally sent a message to this girl ive been crushing on who is a friend of a friend (the friend is the one who suggested I should message her and thinks we would be a good match). Bit awkward though since I just messaged her out of the blue but I did focus it on a similar interest so hopefully I can at least get the ball rolling with some discussion on that topic and see how it goes.
> 
> Or she might just not even reply haha. But it's better to know then to be left wondering.


well good things happen when you are aggressive. Sometimes things do not pay off right away, but all agression is good agression


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> Slowly but surely i am crossing into the line of shamelessness. Anyways what good as shame has ever done for me. I reckon to think back, i am caring less and less for rejection.


That's exactly how I feel at the moment, but unfortunately it's only online for me. I still have to try it offline :/

Maybe with more days of /r/NoFap under my belt


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> That's exactly how I feel at the moment, but unfortunately it's only online for me. I still have to try it offline :/
> 
> Maybe with more days of /r/NoFap under my belt


nofap takes away shame....

18 days for me and counting


----------



## Psychofarm

What I'm doing: preparing myself for online dating. Bars intimidate the *** out of me, and the thought of approaching random women in random situations is more than I can handle, so I'm going the online route.

At my age the lack of experience is in and of itself a tremendous weight to bare, so I guess I'm trying to compensate by making myself as desirable as possible, at least on the surface, in the hopes it will increase my odds of having messages answered, etc. My assumption is any woman close to my age is going to see a 34 year old with no dating experience as not only strange, but as someone who lacks a basic and critical social and emotional skill set (not to mention the physical aspect).

I don't know if this is the best strategy, or I would be better suited to just jump in and go for it, especially considering my age (the clock is ticking and I'm running out of time). Hopefully it doesn't become yet another avoidance mechanism, because avoidance is what got me here to begin with. And of course the older I get, the more intimidating this whole process becomes.

My checklist so far:

1. Getting in shape. I've been weight lifting and doing cardio for years, and previously was pretty heavy into some intense yoga, but never got any real definition (I'm the post-child for the "hard-gainer" in the muscle tone category). But I've finally found a weight training program that's working for me (my bench press is up to 140 lbs. from 100, and I'm 6-2 at 180 lbs, a total ***ing weakling). So my hopes are that in 3 months or so I will start to look noticeably better.

2. I've joined several Meetup.com groups to practice real-world social interaction with people outside my core group of friends. My theory is interacting with like-minded people with similar interests in the context of a meetup group is the least intimidating means of meeting new people. I don't know if this will lessen the anxiety around dating, but it certainly can't hurt.

3. Becoming disciplined with my meditation practice. I've been practicing on and off for a couple years now, and I have noticed differences, but have never practiced consistently for a long enough period of time. The goal here is to lessen my fear, increase my overall focus, and decrease stress. I can't think of anything more scary or stressful than the prospect of dating or even trying to get dates online or otherwise, so I need all the help I can get.

4. Kicking my Netflix addiction and reading more books. I get home from work pretty drained and tend to zone out in front of the tube as a release, so I'm trying instead to engage my brain more. I figure this is not only good for my brain but may make me a more interesting person with more to talk about.

I'm setting a goal for no later than March of 2013 to create a profile on one or more dating sites.


----------



## Psychofarm

Zeeshan said:


> nofap takes away shame....
> 
> 18 days for me and counting


Wow I'm impressed. I can't go more than 2 days myself.


----------



## AussiePea

Zeeshan said:


> well good things happen when you are aggressive. Sometimes things do not pay off right away, but all agression is good agression


lol well seems the "aggressiveness" didn't pay off as she never replied. Was a long shot I suppose.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Someone made a pass at me today. It was a guy, but I'll take it. :\

Zeeshan has got me intrigued with the non masturbation. I'll openly admit I'm quite addicted to porn and it's rare that I'll go a day without browsing. Could you elaborate on your feelings?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Someone made a pass at me today. It was a guy, but I'll take it. :\
> 
> Zeeshan has got me intrigued with the non masturbation. I'll openly admit I'm quite addicted to porn and it's rare that I'll go a day without browsing. Could you elaborate on your feelings?


Okay i know this will sound crazy but please here me out.

I feel like i smell different, i dont know how to explain it, but there is like a natural smell. I know humans dont mate by pheromones,but if i had to be honest, i now feel like women can smell masturbation on you. I think that its all interconnected, testosterone, pheromones, dopamine etc. I doubt it but there is just a different way that women notice when they are close to me. Its true it could be placebo, but i have only noticed this after 7+ days of nofap. this phenemon has also been reported lots on reddit/nofap.

I go through moments of extreme motivation, and what i think i now understand as flatlining, which is like completely no motivation at all. I am sexually aroused a lot, and i look at women without shame.

Mainly its a lack of shamelessness. My balls are still arent better. I cannot approach a girl, or ask out a girl who has given me the go ahead and lives next door to me. I still have doubts and lots of it. That aspect hasnt changed.

However i think i have made a decision. there is no point in pleasuring myself, i have had enough of that. So take it for what its worth. A lot of things that i am not really sure of

I feel more like a man, like a lot of self esteem, and entitlement.

But the smell, i swear there is something to it


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Where I'm at right now can't be healthy so I'll join the cause. I've been really busy these last few days, so tonight will be the end of day three.


----------



## squall78

Longest I went was 9 weeks when I was at basic. But then again you're not too concerned about jacking off while there.


----------



## ravens

The longest I've gone is almost a month.


----------



## larmo8

Well, I recently joined my school's gym, although looks wise I already feel pretty confident. However, with winter coming I want to maintain and perhaps get even better. Working out in general boosts self-esteem.

I have started to get more involved my my major's club, although that's more of an attempt to try to make friends which has been very difficult so far at college. That said, there are A LOT of girls in my major, so maybe I can find someone I like there too.

I'm still really crushing on this girl who I presumed has rejected/friend-zoned me though. You can read about it here from a few weeks ago: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/is-this-girl-still-interested-in-me-or-is-she-208555/. The OP of this thread was involved in that discussion.

Basically I have kept it to minimal contact and no date invites since my last offer. HOWEVER, I do plan on "spontaneously" asking her to casual lunch directly after class this friday (and she'd definitely be paying now of course). At the very least I want to try to still get to know her better and I feel like if we can talk more about our interests, we could connect more (I know already that we share some). I aint gonna lie, I see this girl as major girlfriend material, but currently she isn't interested. My thought process is that if I continue to casually get to know her better, things _could_ develop, though at the same time I feel like it's already hopeless and I'm just plummeting further into a friend zone. Honestly, I don't know how to handle these things. I have made friends with girls before, but I have never had the experience of trying to "just be friends" with a girl who I was so interested in. My mind tells me to just quit the pursuit (which is what I'm technically doing), while my heart still wants to try to be with her. I'm not saying I'm in love or infatuated even, but I feel like there is still potential here. It may not be rational but I can't shake it.

On the other hand, I got facebook "poked" randomly today by this girl I know on campus. I'm friends with her and we bond over this class we're taking where she is really struggling. Let me tell you, this girl is actually really HOT -- however, I don't really have any interest in her. Maybe its the perception where I think she's a bit out of my league, but personality-wise/interest-wise I don't think we would connect either, so there's that. That said, she has given me LOTS more attention than the girl that I'm actually truly interested in -- attention that I haven't even asked for. She keeps wanting to study with me, which I think I'll finally be able to do tomorrow. And she asked me to buy booze for her two weekends ago, even though I suspect someone as hot as her should be able to get pretty easily. Honestly, I can't even tell if she's just being friendly or is actually interested -- maybe it's the fact that guys usually fall all over her and I don't which makes me appealing to her. Ultimately I feel like she's just really friendly, but who knows where this can lead.

[End rambling update/]


----------



## larmo8

Well, I recently joined my school's gym, although looks wise I already feel pretty confident. However, with winter coming I want to maintain and perhaps get even better. Working out in general boosts self-esteem.

I have started to get more involved my my major's club, although that's more of an attempt to try to make friends which has been very difficult so far at college. That said, there are A LOT of girls in my major, so maybe I can find someone I like there too.

I'm still really crushing on this girl who I presumed has rejected/friend-zoned me though. You can read about it here from a few weeks ago: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/is-this-girl-still-interested-in-me-or-is-she-208555/. The OP of this thread was involved in that discussion.

Basically I have kept it to minimal contact and no date invites since my last offer. HOWEVER, I do plan on "spontaneously" asking her to casual lunch directly after class this friday (and she'd definitely be paying now of course). At the very least I want to try to still get to know her better and I feel like if we can talk more about our interests, we could connect more (I know already that we share some). I aint gonna lie, I see this girl as major girlfriend material, but currently she isn't interested. My thought process is that if I continue to casually get to know her better, things _could_ develop, though at the same time I feel like it's already hopeless and I'm just plummeting further into a friend zone. Honestly, I don't know how to handle these things. I have made friends with girls before, but I have never had the experience of trying to "just be friends" with a girl who I was so interested in. My mind tells me to just quit the pursuit (which is what I'm technically doing), while my heart still wants to try to be with her. I'm not saying I'm in love or infatuated even, but I feel like there is still potential here. It may not be rational but I can't shake it.

On the other hand, I got facebook "poked" randomly today by this girl I know on campus. I'm friends with her and we bond over this class we're taking where she is really struggling. Let me tell you, this girl is actually really HOT -- however, I don't really have any interest in her. Maybe its the perception where I think she's a bit out of my league, but personality-wise/interest-wise I don't think we would connect either, so there's that. That said, she has given me LOTS more attention than the girl that I'm actually truly interested in -- attention that I haven't even asked for. She keeps wanting to study with me, which I think I'll finally be able to do tomorrow. And she asked me to buy booze for her two weekends ago, even though I suspect someone as hot as her should be able to get pretty easily. Honestly, I can't even tell if she's just being friendly or is actually interested -- maybe it's the fact that guys usually fall all over her and I don't which makes me appealing to her. Ultimately I feel like she's just really friendly, but who knows where this can lead.

[End rambling update/]


----------



## larmo8

Delete


----------



## srschirm

Ok so I just set the date with the woman from POF. Sunday around 5 at this wine bar.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Up high. o/

Do women ever contact guys on POF?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Up high. o/
> 
> Do women ever contact guys on POF?


yes. I am off POF now,


----------



## srschirm

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Up high. o/
> 
> Do women ever contact guys on POF?


Very rarely for me. Ironically enough, this one actually did contact me first though.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Ok so I just set the date with the woman from POF. Sunday around 5 at this wine bar.


Congrats my man!


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Congrats my man!


Thanks dude! You know deets will be forthcoming.


----------



## falling down

eating pringles


----------



## ravens

srschirm said:


> Ok so I just set the date with the woman from POF. Sunday around 5 at this wine bar.


:high5


----------



## MrQuiet76

i messed up pretty bad last night... was at a bar, and made eye contact with a beautiful blonde girl about 8-10 times, but as usual I couldn't get up the courage to go say anything... i'm guessing the eye contact was a pretty big hint that she was interested (maybe?).... geez, how the hell am i ever gonna meet anyone?


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> i messed up pretty bad last night... was at a bar, and made eye contact with a beautiful blonde girl about 8-10 times, but as usual I couldn't get up the courage to go say anything... i'm guessing the eye contact was a pretty big hint that she was interested (maybe?).... geez, how the hell am i ever gonna meet anyone?


What was going through your head? What were you thinking exactly that prevented you from talking to her?


----------



## srschirm

MrQuiet76 said:


> i messed up pretty bad last night... was at a bar, and made eye contact with a beautiful blonde girl about 8-10 times, but as usual I couldn't get up the courage to go say anything... i'm guessing the eye contact was a pretty big hint that she was interested (maybe?).... geez, how the hell am i ever gonna meet anyone?


I have the same problem, my man. Although eye contact is really difficult for me--I look away immediately! I'm really self-conscious about my looks.


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> What was going through your head? What were you thinking exactly that prevented you from talking to her?


i guess the first thing is that i didn't really know what to say... about the only thing i could think of off the bat would be "can i buy you a drink?" and then after that I wouldn't know what the heck to say... i also remember being hesitant because she had 2 friends with her so i thought it might be awkward to try to dip in and say something while they were there... i just feel like a ***** because i know those really are just excuses and that i need to man up and do something.... beforehand, i can talk myself to a point where i feel totally ready to approach a girl, but when the moment of truth comes i get filled with panic and just think "just try again next time"... but next time never comes



srschirm said:


> I have the same problem, my man. Although eye contact is really difficult for me--I look away immediately! I'm really self-conscious about my looks.


same here! I always worry about approaching because of my looks... i have pretty bad acne and i always think "what girl wants to be approached by the guy with acne?" so i end up deciding to spare them the embarrassment


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> i guess the first thing is that i didn't really know what to say... about the only thing i could think of off the bat would be "can i buy you a drink?" and then after that I wouldn't know what the heck to say... i also remember being hesitant because she had 2 friends with her so i thought it might be awkward to try to dip in and say something while they were there... i just feel like a ***** because i know those really are just excuses and that i need to man up and do something.... beforehand, i can talk myself to a point where i feel totally ready to approach a girl, but when the moment of truth comes i get filled with panic and just think "just try again next time"... but next time never comes
> 
> same here! I always worry about approaching because of my looks... i have pretty bad acne and i always think "what girl wants to be approached by the guy with acne?" so i end up deciding to spare them the embarrassment


Yeh...I think it goes without saying that the only way you'll be able to do it is to just do it, and it will become easier with practice. But first thing's first. Never go up to a girl and offer to buy her a drink. It makes you look like a chump, and sometimes she'll just take the drink and ignore you or walk away.

As far as openers go, the best thing is to be direct, especially at night. "You girls...are hot. I want to talk to you." In other words, be a bit aggressive. Be demanding. Not in a pushy way, but in a laid-back "I don't give a **** if you reject me" kind of way. This girl at the bar is just one of billions - it doesn't matter if you get rejected because there are plenty of other opportunities (if you make them for yourself). And in a high-energy environment like the bar, this kind of assertiveness is what girls find extremely attractive.

What I'm trying to say is that that girl won't even give you a second thought if you say something stupid or you don't WOW her...so why should you give her so much power over you? She just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. However, if you do impress her, then who knows what could develop? You can't know if you don't try, and really there is NO downside to approaching a girl except for the unnecessary mental beating you might give yourself after the fact. But no mental beating is worse than that of regret - so stop sitting there idly by and allowing yourself opportunities for regret! Kick some ***! If you go up to a girl and believe in yourself, you can't go wrong.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Yeh...I think it goes without saying that the only way you'll be able to do it is to just do it, and it will become easier with practice. But first thing's first. Never go up to a girl and offer to buy her a drink. It makes you look like a chump, and sometimes she'll just take the drink and ignore you or walk away.
> 
> As far as openers go, the best thing is to be direct, especially at night. "You girls...are hot. I want to talk to you." In other words, be a bit aggressive. Be demanding. Not in a pushy way, but in a laid-back "I don't give a **** if you reject me" kind of way. This girl at the bar is just one of billions - it doesn't matter if you get rejected because there are plenty of other opportunities (if you make them for yourself). And in a high-energy environment like the bar, this kind of assertiveness is what girls find extremely attractive.
> 
> What I'm trying to say is that that girl won't even give you a second thought if you say something stupid or you don't WOW her...so why should you give her so much power over you? She just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. However, if you do impress her, then who knows what could develop? You can't know if you don't try, and really there is NO downside to approaching a girl except for the unnecessary mental beating you might give yourself after the fact. But no mental beating is worse than that of regret - so stop sitting there idly by and allowing yourself opportunities for regret! Kick some ***! If you go up to a girl and believe in yourself, you can't go wrong.


True. It takes work to get to that point where you're ready to just go ball-to-the-wall and approach, but it can happen. I'm getting closer.


----------



## Malek

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/aspire-to-be-a-better-man-210476/

1. Dependable source of income
2. Integrity/Honesty
3. Healthy lifestyle
4. Viewed as a Protector
5. Strong Personality

Perhaps I'm just over thinking this but
I'm gonna try to just keep these things in mind and strive to get better at them. 1&3 I'm doing about average, 2&4 I'd like think I've got down pat. It's just 5 that I'm really struggling with... Yeah I've got a personality but it isn't strong, I'm just not that assertive yet. :sigh


----------



## squall78

srschirm said:


> Ok so I just set the date with the woman from POF. Sunday around 5 at this wine bar.


Awesome. I like to see people in this thread actively getting out there. I'm gonna have to try pof as well.


----------



## srschirm

squall78 said:


> Awesome. I like to see people in this thread actively getting out there. I'm gonna have to try pof as well.


Thanks! It's worth a shot. Just don't be bothered by no-responses. It happens to the best of us.


----------



## pete24

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Up high. o/
> 
> Do women ever contact guys on POF?


Doesnt seem very often that they do, iv had a few message me first but they have been far from my tastes.

I think iv had a mixed bag of luck on POF in the last 2 weeks. Messaged 30 women, around 20 replied and we spoke, 2 messaged me first (both were not to my taste). There was another who messaged me first, we had barely exchanged 3 messages and she said that night she was in my town for a night out and asked to meet... Was last minute and she didnt seem like the type of girl I want to meet so I didnt.

The problem im having is keeping messages flowing. Its nothing that I can see myself doing wrong but after 2 or 3 messages either they never reply again or give such a standard reply theres nothing I can say back... Like this girl earlier, we were chatting, on the 3rd message I was saying how its getting so cold and that its scary how close xmas is now... Her reply was just "I like the cold".

Getting a chance is quite a difficult thing nowadays on POF. I can put it down to the girl finding someone they think is better. Like if you refresh the page quick and see a new girl has just joined the site... you message her, she thinks "hes hot" and you start talking, then within an hour shes had 50 messages off different guys, browses the list and sees 2 or 3 other guys that are better looking and chats to them instead.

Perhaps feeling that dating sites are no longer the answer for me. I have learnt that I shouldnt lower my standards, but the type of girl who is my type n I know I could get with if we have a date are the type that get some of the most messages. Pointless lowering standards because 6 months down the line you will be bored and unhappy.

In real life chances.... not a thing. Closest I came was in the pub last friday, this super hot girl was with her friend at this other table, we kept looking at eachother and smiling, as I was having more drinks my confidence was slowly getting there, but then this guy enters the pub and sits next to her, perhaps her boyfriend or something :/


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> In real life chances.... not a thing. Closest I came was in the pub last friday, this super hot girl was with her friend at this other table, we kept looking at eachother and smiling, as I was having more drinks my confidence was slowly getting there, but then this guy enters the pub and sits next to her, perhaps her boyfriend or something :/


Perhaps, but maybe not. Gotta take those chances or some inferior man will take it for you. Looking at each other and smiling...man it almost doesn't get better than that as far as invitations go.


----------



## pete24

dang, kicking myself now, I even said to 2 friends that were at my table "wow, she is soooooooo hot" and they even kept telling me to go over to her. Just think I somehow need to gain that extra boost to push me to do it, but its usually as im about to do it I start getting all the thoughts about making myself look like an idiot


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

pete24 said:


> The problem im having is keeping messages flowing. Its nothing that I can see myself doing wrong but after 2 or 3 messages either they never reply again or give such a standard reply theres nothing I can say back... Like this girl earlier, we were chatting, on the 3rd message I was saying how its getting so cold and that its scary how close xmas is now... Her reply was just "I like the cold".


Does POF not have a live chat? I'd imagine you'd improve your chances ten fold rather than leaving a couple of messages in a week.


----------



## Zeeshan

Anyways my neighbour, the one i have been too scared to ask out actually knocked on my door just now



Wanted to borrow contact solution, so i lent her mine, the whole thing was so shocking that despite the fact that i am drunk i still couldn't ask her out.

I think she likes me, 

OMG WHY DIDNT I ASK HER OUT


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Does POF not have a live chat? I'd imagine you'd improve your chances ten fold rather than leaving a couple of messages in a week.


yes it does


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Sounded like the perfect opportunity, Zeeshan. :\

Where do you go from here?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Sounded like the perfect opportunity, Zeeshan. :\
> 
> Where do you go from here?


well we see each other in the morning sometimes

so she is like ill see you in the morning, if i wait up....blah blah

whatever, i have to def knock on her door. Dissapointed in myself to be honest.

However this justifies what i have been preaching about the smell. People dont want to listen but i am preaching that since i went no fap there is a pheromone emanating from me to women. i know it sounds crazy but i never get attention from women, but this past week, i have had attention.

I dont know why i didnt do it, its like in the moment i cant get the words out. while i was waiting for her to come back with the solution, my head kept saying ask her if she wants to get dinner........

for some reason me not acting has me thinking migth actually be a positive for some reason, like she is chasing me. Of course it could just be she wanted contact lens solution, but thats no the feeling i get


----------



## pete24

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Does POF not have a live chat? I'd imagine you'd improve your chances ten fold rather than leaving a couple of messages in a week.


It does yea, thing is chat can annoy women and half the time they will deny any chat request. The women I knew who used the site always said they are sick of guys using chat to message them, they would signup or sign in, get popups from 20 different guys wanting to chat, which would be more of an annoyance or even freeze their phone with all the requests poping up on screen at the same time.

The messages per week isnt too bad, like if im talking to a woman through messages, its easy for each of us to tell if we have a new message and reply. Usually the messages are back n forth every few minutes unless they go offline or decide to stop messaging me for whatever reason.

Seems to be that most the women on the site are suffering from big ego syndrome. Because theres more guys than girls, women tend to sit back and see who messages them. Then sadly if they see a guy who is her type and she would be suited to if it was a real life meetup, they may ditch them for a "super hot" guy who messaged her


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Seems to be that most the women on the site are suffering from big ego syndrome. Because theres more guys than girls, women tend to sit back and see who messages them.


this,


----------



## Zeeshan

has anyone seen bwidger i need his encouragement, dude is missing


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> has anyone seen bwidger i need his encouragement, dude is missing


It looks like he requested a permanent ban.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

This is my brain working cynically (as usual), but can you see the date that people joined? Factor that in with the other information provided and you're giving yourself a better chance I'd have thought. 

I'll keep an eye out for this "smell", zeeshan. I'm planning on breaking out of my comfort zone in a few weeks and attending Halloween parties & bonfire displays so that should be a good testing ground.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> It looks like he requested a permanent ban.


i hope not. Bwidge if your reading this, bro you have been a great help to me please rejoin this thread


----------



## Canucklehead

Wellp, I called up the cat lady last night, and we had sexual relations while under the influence of Rum and Coke.

I feel like a man *****, and I'm still hung over at 9pm.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Wellp, I called up the cat lady last night, and we had sexual relations while under the influence of Rum and Coke.
> 
> I feel like a man *****, and I'm still hung over at 9pm.


:high five: what a stud


----------



## Brandeezy

pete24 said:


> Doesnt seem very often that they do, iv had a few message me first but they have been far from my tastes.
> 
> I think iv had a mixed bag of luck on POF in the last 2 weeks. Messaged 30 women, around 20 replied and we spoke, 2 messaged me first (both were not to my taste). There was another who messaged me first, we had barely exchanged 3 messages and she said that night she was in my town for a night out and asked to meet... Was last minute and she didnt seem like the type of girl I want to meet so I didnt.
> 
> The problem im having is keeping messages flowing. Its nothing that I can see myself doing wrong but after 2 or 3 messages either they never reply again or give such a standard reply theres nothing I can say back... Like this girl earlier, we were chatting, on the 3rd message I was saying how its getting so cold and that its scary how close xmas is now... Her reply was just "I like the cold".
> 
> Getting a chance is quite a difficult thing nowadays on POF. I can put it down to the girl finding someone they think is better. Like if you refresh the page quick and see a new girl has just joined the site... you message her, she thinks "hes hot" and you start talking, then within an hour shes had 50 messages off different guys, browses the list and sees 2 or 3 other guys that are better looking and chats to them instead.
> 
> Perhaps feeling that dating sites are no longer the answer for me. I have learnt that I shouldnt lower my standards, but the type of girl who is my type n I know I could get with if we have a date are the type that get some of the most messages. Pointless lowering standards because 6 months down the line you will be bored and unhappy.
> 
> In real life chances.... not a thing. Closest I came was in the pub last friday, this super hot girl was with her friend at this other table, we kept looking at eachother and smiling, as I was having more drinks my confidence was slowly getting there, but then this guy enters the pub and sits next to her, perhaps her boyfriend or something :/


How the hell did you get 20 replied messages in 2 weeks. It took me 4 years to get that many.

On Topic:

I tried to get back into POF again this week but as usual I had no luck. Nothing works for me, I don't know what to do, **** is very frustrating and kills my self-esteem. I bet I could send a message to every girl up to 5 pages in the search and no one would respond

Here's some fail examples
http://i47.tinypic.com/2yotj69.png
http://i50.tinypic.com/6xyzcz.png
http://i49.tinypic.com/dpwio0.png
http://i45.tinypic.com/htz1qb.png


----------



## TobeyJuarez

theres this girl i really like and next time i see her im going to ask her out


----------



## srschirm

Brandeezy said:


> How the hell did you get 20 replied messages in 2 weeks. It took me 4 years to get that many.
> 
> On Topic:
> 
> I tried to get back into POF again this week but as usual I had no luck. Nothing works for me, I don't know what to do, **** is very frustrating and kills my self-esteem. I bet I could send a message to every girl up to 5 pages in the search and no one would respond


That is a ton and an amazing response rate. Good for me is about 33%.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Brandeezy said:


> How the hell did you get 20 replied messages in 2 weeks. It took me 4 years to get that many.
> 
> On Topic:
> 
> I tried to get back into POF again this week but as usual I had no luck. Nothing works for me, I don't know what to do, **** is very frustrating and kills my self-esteem. I bet I could send a message to every girl up to 5 pages in the search and no one would respond
> 
> Here's some fail examples
> http://i47.tinypic.com/2yotj69.png
> http://i50.tinypic.com/6xyzcz.png
> http://i49.tinypic.com/dpwio0.png
> http://i45.tinypic.com/htz1qb.png


I'm not on the site, but a bit of effort wouldn't go amiss. A few guys have already mentioned the sheer volume of messages these girls will receive, the likes of "So & Umm...." are hardly going to provoke responses.

That sounds a bit harsh, sorry.


----------



## Killer2121

There is this girl in my anxiety class who I have been wanting to talk to for ages, I think she feels the same way.

I'm skipping class tomorrow.. But on Monday I WILL TALK TO HER. I swear to God I will. I just need to find a perfect opportunity... I'll probably just ask "hey, how u finding the classes"?


----------



## Brandeezy

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I'm not on the site, but a bit of effort wouldn't go amiss. A few guys have already mentioned the sheer volume of messages these girls will receive, the likes of "So & Umm...." are hardly going to provoke responses.
> 
> That sounds a bit harsh, sorry.


I did that because POF doesn't let you put your own title in the message unless you pay for it. I thought I would stand out because I would probably be the only person in her messages with something other than "Hi" in the title


----------



## komorikun

Brandeezy said:


> How the hell did you get 20 replied messages in 2 weeks. It took me 4 years to get that many.
> 
> On Topic:
> 
> I tried to get back into POF again this week but as usual I had no luck. Nothing works for me, I don't know what to do, **** is very frustrating and kills my self-esteem. I bet I could send a message to every girl up to 5 pages in the search and no one would respond
> 
> Here's some fail examples
> http://i47.tinypic.com/2yotj69.png
> http://i50.tinypic.com/6xyzcz.png
> http://i49.tinypic.com/dpwio0.png
> http://i45.tinypic.com/htz1qb.png


I think you are trying to hit on girls that are way too hot and that's why you are getting so few responses. You need to pick out women that you think you might have something in common with. The spam approach is a rotten approach too.


----------



## srschirm

ravens said:


> What I'm nervous about is talking to her with so many people around.


Honestly, I don't like that either. I feel like people are trying to tune in on the conversation.


----------



## TPower

komorikun said:


> I think you are trying to hit on girls that are way too hot and that's why you are getting so few responses. You need to pick out women that you think you might have something in common with. The spam approach is a rotten approach too.


It may be rotten, but considering well-thought messages that take 10-15 minutes to write never get answers, I still prefer it like that.


----------



## komorikun

TPower said:


> It may be rotten, but considering well-thought messages that take 10-15 minutes to write never get answers, I still prefer it like that.


Well, long messages are a waste of time too. It's best to just ask one question about their profile. The whole thing should be no more than 2 or 3 sentences. I won't respond to spam messages unless the guy is very, very hot otherwise it's just a waste of my time since the guy is clearly not interested in me enough to read my profile.


----------



## larmo8

I'm still casually pursuing the girl who basically rejected my last three invites with excuses. Read here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/is-this-girl-still-interested-in-me-or-is-she-208555/

I hadn't extended any invites or even texted her in two weeks (except for the ocassions where she texted me about class). However, I invited her to casual lunch today directly after class today that went really well. She didn't hesitate to accept, the conversation flowed very nice and it was fun. I have a feeling that I'm just sinking deeper in the friend-zone, but then I also can use A LOT more friends. I sort of hold this delusional belief that things could still possibly develop if we continue to get to know each other, but honestly at this point I have no clue on how to escalate or make a move. I feel like that opportunity probably has passed, which sucks because I really like this girl and she's my best opportunity right now.

I suppose I have to meet more people, but that in general remains difficult even at a large campus. I am participating in clubs now though. I also recently joined the gym. My body is pretty decent as is anyway, but I'd like to maintain and even better it.


----------



## Canucklehead

I try to say witty or humorous things in my intro messages that are related to their profile.

Asking questions is fine, but don't come off as a boring person.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> I try to say witty or humorous things in my intro messages that are related to their profile.
> 
> Asking questions is fine, but don't come off as a boring person.


Sometimes I have the damnedest time thinking of witty things to say. And who knows, they may not think you're witty (but someone else might).


----------



## srschirm

My date has been moved up to this evening!


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> My date has been moved up to this evening!


Congrats, and good luck!


----------



## TPower

I've been called weird in the past for witty lines. Or plainly told to STFU.


----------



## Canucklehead

TPower said:


> I've been called weird in the past for witty lines. Or plainly told to STFU.


I've never had that happen with online dating, but I suppose there's a chance that the person has no sense of humor.

I've had someone not understand, but never go hostile towards a witty comment of mine.

There are boundaries I guess, you just have to feel em out.


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm starting with OK cupid right now and I've gotten some results. Nothing serious, just chatting with an interesting girl from the same country as me.

It's nothing major in the grand scheme of things, but I guess a start is a start.


----------



## Brandeezy

komorikun said:


> I think you are trying to hit on girls that are way too hot and that's why you are getting so few responses. You need to pick out women that you think you might have something in common with. The spam approach is a rotten approach too.


I've messaged average/below average ones too and my messages aren't spam even though the titles look like it. I usually write 3 sentences that relates to their profile, for example, yesterday I read the profile of an German chick who was a Au Pair. In the message I asked her how did she like the city so far and how it compares to her home country. She just viewed my page and didn't respond. Another day, another fail....


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I've messaged average/below average ones too and my messages aren't spam even though the titles look like it. I usually write 3 sentences that relates to their profile, for example, yesterday I read the profile of an German chick who was a Au Pair. In the message I asked her how did she like the city so far and how it compares to her home country. She just viewed my page and didn't respond. Another day, another fail....


seriously, all POF is an ego trip for women.

Even average women getting hundreds upon hundreds of messages.

just lose all your shame

screw shame, what has that ever brought me, i dont care what people think, think what they want. I dont care what anyone thinks,

WHOOOO CAREEESS

Just do what you gotta do, go NOFAP and lose your shame


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

So what other benefits do you feel from not masturbating besides smelling different, Zeeshan? It's day five and pretty much all my thoughts are sexual.


----------



## Brandeezy

Here's my new profile description, I just said **** it lol



> *Description*
> So I was born in San Francisco but grew up in Atlanta where the players play and we ride on them things like everyday........sorry for the history lesson, anyways I went to college for about 2 years after I graduated High School and studied Web Graphic Design at CSI Miami but I ended up dropping out because I didn't agree with their methods. Right now I'm working full-time to pay off my college loans and buy a Autobot but when I'm not working I play my PS3/Xbox, watch something on Netflix, skate, play basketball, sleep, eat, talk and surf the internet like waves. Basically I'm a very sarcastic short guy who looks 6'9 and a half and is the last person you would expect to tell you something funny in a room full of clowns. Some people paint me as a shy person until they realize that I don't belong in an museum and I would describe my perfect partner but since no one is perfect, I'll keep dreaming of Miss Perfection. Like my BS description, shoot me a message and I'll retaliate.
> *First Date*
> Think of something then we'll flip an coin to decide. No Replacement Refs!


----------



## komorikun

Brandeezy said:


> I've messaged average/below average ones too and my messages aren't spam even though the titles look like it. I usually write 3 sentences that relates to their profile, for example, yesterday I read the profile of an German chick who was a Au Pair. In the message I asked her how did she like the city so far and how it compares to her home country. She just viewed my page and didn't respond. Another day, another fail....


Okay, that's good you aren't sending out spam. Maybe you should send messages to more homely women. Cause the ones you sent messages to look quite attractive so they can pick and choose.


----------



## Ivan AG

Brandeezy said:


> Here's my new profile description, I just said **** it lol


Teach me the art of wit.


----------



## srschirm

Had a nice time. She is a good person, but don't see a relationship in our future.


----------



## TPower

Most of the time, no matter what you write, women won't answer if they don't find you attractive. 

A handsome man with a "Hey" has a better chance at receiving a response than an average looking guy with a funny message.


----------



## falling down

I've devised a new plan which consists of wearing skinny jeans/pants, striped hoodies and flashy bright sneakers and trying to impress the ladies by letting them know that I drink alcohol in abundance, have ADHD and will agree with anything they say and pretend to like everything they like.


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Had a nice time. She is a good person, but don't see a relationship in our future.


fat?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> So what other benefits do you feel from not masturbating besides smelling different, Zeeshan? It's day five and pretty much all my thoughts are sexual.


i have completed week 3, the sexual thoughts will not go away

Nearly all my dreams revolve around women. Not wet dreams, just kissing women, being with women, talking to them.

I am sold on the pheromone thing.

There is a deep drive to fall in love, unlike before. A real sense of urgency, motivation to do things now. Also a real shamelessness when it comes to desire regarding women.

Like a real push to find a mate


----------



## srschirm

Zeeshan said:


> fat?


Lol no she's cute just....different worldviews more or less.


----------



## TPower

srschirm said:


> Lol no she's cute just....different worldviews more or less.


New more info.. how did it go?
What was the date like?


----------



## Just Lurking

Zeeshan said:


> fat?


:twak


----------



## srschirm

TPower said:


> New more info.. how did it go?
> What was the date like?


Thanks for the interest.  We got Thai and talked. Hugged hello and goodbye. She drove me to my car. She's a good person. Pretty liberal though, and I'm not. Well-traveled, and I'm not. Has a graduate degree and a house and I don't. I might see her again, but I don't think it will be romantic. She is very religious so no sex most likely.


----------



## komorikun

Liberal and religious?


----------



## Dissonance

komorikun said:


> Liberal and religious?


Is that the best way?


----------



## srschirm

komorikun said:


> Liberal and religious?


yes. Liberal Christian.


----------



## komorikun

Weird combo.


----------



## srschirm

More common than you may think.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Sweet jack-diddly-squat.


----------



## jagmusic

I must say, this thread has motivated me to start trying. For so long now I've just kept to myself. I hope to have something to share in the near future, and thanks for a great tool!


----------



## FranzKafka

I am mostly in mental disorder forums... Probably am doing this the wrong way 

Kidding. I am a bit avoidant, so ideally would want to lose some weight first before actually trying. Then again if you are avoiding something, chances are your "reasoning" is just an excuse...


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> Thanks for the interest.  We got Thai and talked. Hugged hello and goodbye. She drove me to my car. She's a good person. Pretty liberal though, and I'm not. Well-traveled, and I'm not. Has a graduate degree and a house and I don't. I might see her again, but I don't think it will be romantic. She is very religious so no sex most likely.


Hey she sounds like she could be your sugar mama.

Did you get vibes that she wasn't really into it? Also, how old was she?


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Weird combo.


There are democrats who have a more religious slant. Just because most people who believe in societal safety nets also happen to be non-religious (your typical Democrat) doesn't mean that there aren't people who are religious who believe in social safety nets. Historically at the very least (if not currently), I believe there were Democrat Party members of the House and Senate who are religious and/or socially conservative.

I slant more social democratic/liberal than conservative myself. But I don't agree with the typical social democratic/liberal platform 100%. For eg. I live in the suburbs and where I live, you need a car. So I look at public policy from the perspective of a motorist. I look at how the government is working towards my interests as a driver. ie. Will highway tolls and increased parking rates downtown and more congested areas of the city actually lead to less traffic congestion, in turn making my ride less stressful? Am I getting some sort of bang for my buck? Will these extras funds actually improve public transit in the suburbs so that it would be worth it for me to leave my car at home and save on costly gas and maintenance costs over time? I'm not going to vote for a vehemently anti-car agenda just because I'm a liberal. Me and those leftist hipster douchebags (the pretentious snobs I met at a philosophy meetup in Toronto are the prototypical definition of hipster douchebag) in downtown Toronto are NOT the same and we don't live the same reality and experiences. In many ways, I have more in common with right-wing wingbats like mayor Rob Ford because we're both from the suburbs and we both drive. Simple characteristics like downtown vs suburban and motorist vs transit user vs pedestrian vs cyclist make a world of a difference. But we differ vastly in our philosophies when it comes to social programs and social safety nets.


----------



## pete24

Brandeezy said:


> How the hell did you get 20 replied messages in 2 weeks. It took me 4 years to get that many.
> 
> On Topic:
> 
> I tried to get back into POF again this week but as usual I had no luck. Nothing works for me, I don't know what to do, **** is very frustrating and kills my self-esteem. I bet I could send a message to every girl up to 5 pages in the search and no one would respond
> 
> Here's some fail examples
> http://i47.tinypic.com/2yotj69.png
> http://i50.tinypic.com/6xyzcz.png
> http://i49.tinypic.com/dpwio0.png
> 
> No idea... I do get shot down loads with no replys but i try to widen the areas i can meet women.
> 
> At current im talking to 4 women on that site. 2 its going nowhere with mesages being very bland. The other 2 its going ok with. But 1 is maybe too far away and the other i dont know if i fancy


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Hey she sounds like she could be your sugar mama.
> 
> Did you get vibes that she wasn't really into it? Also, how old was she?


 Haha she's actually 31, so three years older than me. Well she mentioned getting together again. I just think we'd be on a different page. She's having a mission student from Brazil stay with her for six months. Pretty interesting person overall.


----------



## srschirm

phoenixwright said:


> There are democrats who have a more religious slant. Just because most people who believe in societal safety nets also happen to be non-religious (your typical Democrat) doesn't mean that there aren't people who are religious who believe in social safety nets. Historically at the very least (if not currently), I believe there were Democrat Party members of the House and Senate who are religious and/or socially conservative.


You are correct sir.


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> Haha she's actually 31, so three years older than me. Well she mentioned getting together again. I just think we'd be on a different page. She's having a mission student from Brazil stay with her for six months. Pretty interesting person overall.


Oh, so she's that into her religion?

Hmm, yeah I can see your point on not wanting to meet again. Maybe she would invite you over to read bible verses, and sing hymn's.


----------



## srschirm

Yeah. I respect religion but usually these people consider me not religious enough. Then you add the conservative thing, lol.


----------



## DubnRun

I keep getting looks off girls yet I dont know what to do. I have no friends and nowhere to go to find girls..I just keep on seeing one randomly that gives me a look... then I never see her again, been like that since I was 17. I doubt I'll ever find anyone.


----------



## srschirm

The eye contact thing kills me, I think. I think I could be fairly successful if I was more attuned to that type of flirting.


----------



## ravens

I usually have a hard time making eye contact. A couple of weeks ago I was at a pharmacy and I saw the girl that I like at the window. I was sitting in the back seat and she looked at me and smiled. I smiled at her which for me is something that I have had a hard time doing.


----------



## srschirm

ravens said:


> I usually have a hard time making eye contact. A couple of weeks ago I was at a pharmacy and I saw the girl that I like at the window. I was sitting in the back seat and she looked at me and smiled. I smiled at her which for me is something that I have had a hard time doing.


That is hard for me as well, ravens. Usually I look away right away if someone makes eye contact with me.


----------



## ravens

I've been that way I guess most of my life. I remember when I was in the 5th grade looking at a girl in class and she looked at me and smiled. I couldn't make eye contact with her. She was the first girl that I ever liked.


----------



## squall78

Same with the eye contact. I'm trying to break my way of thinking that implies eye contact = rude. What I do is say to myself, "this girl is more afraid of me then I am of her, so I should maintain eye contact."


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

squall78 said:


> Same with the eye contact. I'm trying to break my way of thinking that implies eye contact = rude. What I do is say to myself, "this girl is more afraid of me then I am of her, so I should maintain eye contact."


 I tend to stare at her until she actually looks at me- then I quickly look away or try to look as if I am scanning the background. I suck.


----------



## Canucklehead

"Accidentally" bump into a chick at uni / college, knock her books out of her arms, then bonk heads when you go down to help her pick up her books.

I saw it in a movie once, it's bound to work.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

Canucklehead said:


> "Accidentally" bump into a chick at uni / college, knock her books out of her arms, then bonk heads when you go down to help her pick up her books.
> 
> I saw it in a movie once, it's bound to work.


 :idea
Not even as ridiculous as it sounds. I can never seem to find a way to get talking to girls.


----------



## UltraShy

komorikun said:


> Liberal and religious?


Falling to their knees to worship government I assume?:stu


----------



## Zeeshan

So i have mentioned me trying to ask out my neighbour

well today i went and knocked on the door, i was so nervous, but i just did it. Maybe it was the no fap pushing me, she invited me in and we set up a dinner date for Monday

prob the ballsiest thing i have done in my development thus far. it was dry too, not a drop of alcohol. Just me and anxiety duking it out, and today i got the better of my fears. As i was i came to realize how weak fear, just by over coming it this one time, i now feel like its on the back foot.

I have prob asked out 10 girls in the last 3-4 months, but never in person. I almost chocked too but didnt. I have a good feeling about this


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> So i have mentioned me trying to ask out my neighbour
> 
> well today i went and knocked on the door, i was so nervous, but i just did it. Maybe it was the no fap pushing me, she invited me in and we set up a dinner date for Monday
> 
> prob the ballsiest thing i have done in my development thus far. it was dry too, not a drop of alcohol. Just me and anxiety duking it out, and today i got the better of my fears. As i was i came to realize how weak fear, just by over coming it this one time, i now feel like its on the back foot.
> 
> I have prob asked out 10 girls in the last 3-4 months, but never in person. I almost chocked too but didnt. I have a good feeling about this


Holy ****! That is balls of steel gangnam style! Congrats man.


----------



## srschirm

Ugh this girl at work is super sweet to me. I want to hang out with her outside of work.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Ugh this girl at work is super sweet to me. I want to hang out with her outside of work.


"Ugh"? Sounds like opportunity to me!


----------



## srschirm

Yeah but just....ugh i don't know. Lol. She is significantly younger and eh...her voice seems to go up an octave or two when she sees me though.


----------



## rymo

How old?


----------



## srschirm

She is 18.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan leading the way. 

I was browsing POF a little earlier and found two girls who I think I would really hit it off with (attraction pending), but yeah, I really need to get myself on that site. 

Six days of no masturbation now and my sex drive is strangely non existent today, which is strange considering yesterday I was like a dog in heat. Not sure what's going on, but it's nice knowing I possess some semblance of self discipline.


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Zeeshan leading the way.
> 
> I was browsing POF a little earlier and found two girls who I think I would really hit it off with (attraction pending), but yeah, I really need to get myself on that site.
> 
> Six days of no masturbation now and my sex drive is strangely non existent today, which is strange considering yesterday I was like a dog in heat. Not sure what's going on, but it's nice knowing I possess some semblance of self discipline.


you are flat lining. Its a phase in NOFAP

*Flatlining:* Many No-Fappers report one or more periods of zero libido during their streak, especially in the 2-6 week period. Transitioning from an overexcited, always-eager libido to none at all can be disconcerting and even scary for the experienced fapper, but it is only a phase in the reboot and will pass


----------



## AussiePea

Had a run on this dating site where I was getting interest left right and centre, now nothing for 2 weeks. Did all the ladies die off?


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> you are flat lining. Its a phase in NOFAP
> 
> *Flatlining:* Many No-Fappers report one or more periods of zero libido during their streak, especially in the 2-6 week period. Transitioning from an overexcited, always-eager libido to none at all can be disconcerting and even scary for the experienced fapper, but it is only a phase in the reboot and will pass


Yeah I'm also experiencing less sexual desire, than the first week after I started NoFap.

Congratz on asking your neighbor out for dinner. Do you think it's just a casual dinner or a real date?


----------



## srschirm

Just curious, what is your goal in avoidih masturbation?


----------



## stoolie

For me it's to use the pressure and urge to get me out of the house and talk to women, which has yet to happen.
I don't think masturbation is wrong or unhealthy, quite the opposite.
It's just wrong when it gets to the state, where instead of approaching a girl I tell myself to not not do it, because I can just masturbate at home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=oM9q4o09Dkg#t=23s


----------



## squall78

I still have the urge to go "hunting" even though I masturbated, so I don't understand the nofap thing. I didn't see a change in myself whatsoever when I didn't fap.


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> Yeah I'm also experiencing less sexual desire, than the first week after I started NoFap.
> 
> Congratz on asking your neighbor out for dinner. Do you think it's just a casual dinner or a real date?


no its a date date. She seems very interested for now

I had also mentioned about a girl from a class i had taken earlier. Suppose to meet up with her at 2 today, "to study", i think that is more casual, but even that she knows its kind of romantic.

Almost picked up a pharmacy technician right now, lots of play there. I am also flat lined, very little sexual desire ATM, kind of been sick with some sort of a stomach issue as well.


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> I still have the urge to go "hunting" even though I masturbated, so I don't understand the nofap thing. I didn't see a change in myself whatsoever when I didn't fap.


its different for everybody really, like anything else. Nothing helps 100 percent of the people,

i am just writing about my experiences. Some of us maybe have too few chemicals to waste on Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Just curious, what is your goal in avoidih masturbation?


Think about it, you have your drive to reproduce. Naturally you want to find a woman or women to make love to, to mate with, to reproduce with, to fall in love with. All aspects of that desires starts with your sex drive,

but instead of going out into the world and fulfilling those desire, you fulfill them by rubbing yourself to pictures and thoughts in your head

what about that sounds healthy to you?

think about it

Desire to go out and mate
sit at home and rub yourself with pictures

which do you think is the more natural action


----------



## srschirm

stoolie said:


> For me it's to use the pressure and urge to get me out of the house and talk to women, which has yet to happen.
> I don't think masturbation is wrong or unhealthy, quite the opposite.
> It's just wrong when it gets to the state, where instead of approaching a girl I tell myself to not not do it, because I can just masturbate at home.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=oM9q4o09Dkg#t=23s


I gotcha, if your goal is to get out and meet women, I really hope you succeed.


----------



## rymo

SURELY everyone has seen this already, but some great food for thought/inspiration:


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> no its a date date. She seems very interested for now
> 
> I had also mentioned about a girl from a class i had taken earlier. Suppose to meet up with her at 2 today, "to study", i think that is more casual, but even that she knows its kind of romantic.
> 
> Almost picked up a pharmacy technician right now, lots of play there. I am also flat lined, very little sexual desire ATM, kind of been sick with some sort of a stomach issue as well.


The one i was studying with is married, so no go there, prob just wanted to study.


----------



## Canucklehead

rymo said:


> SURELY everyone has seen this already, but some great food for thought/inspiration:


Watched that whole video while eating a bag of cheese doodles, and sitting at my computer.

I laughed when he brought up eating junk at the computer.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I badly want to watch the new Silent Hill film at the cinema, so I'm going to use that as motivation to find a date to bring along. If I can't then I'll probably go on my own which is a win-win for an SAS sufferer.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

just recieved two meet me messages from pof...Most of the messages I recieve are from women that I havent messaged and im relying just on apperance....


----------



## Canucklehead

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Recieved two meet me users from pof..total of seven or eight girls sent me messages..:banana


Hey, that's fantastic!

:clap


----------



## falling down

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I badly want to watch the new Silent Hill film at the cinema, so I'm going to use that as motivation to find a date to bring along. If I can't then I'll probably go on my own which is a win-win for an SAS sufferer.


----------



## jagmusic

Well, saw lots of people using online dating stuff, and I have tried it in the past with no real result, but decided to give it a shot agian. Probably was a good idea too, as I have already gotten one messeage from a girl in my town that could relate to the stuff I had posted about me. I replied to her message just a little bit ago, and have yet to see what becomes of it. Its progress instead of stagnation though


----------



## arnie

How to pick up girls at the gym:


----------



## srschirm

jagmusic said:


> Well, saw lots of people using online dating stuff, and I have tried it in the past with no real result, but decided to give it a shot agian. Probably was a good idea too, as I have already gotten one messeage from a girl in my town that could relate to the stuff I had posted about me. I replied to her message just a little bit ago, and have yet to see what becomes of it. Its progress instead of stagnation though


Good deal! Keep us posted.


----------



## ravens

I have a profile on OkCupid. I'll have to fill in the profile which is going to the tough part. I never know what to say about myself.


----------



## hypestyle

I'll be going to a halloween party later in the month. We'll see what happens.


----------



## Brandeezy

The goal for the week is to get a reply on POF. The chance of that happening is low but who knows.


----------



## Canucklehead

My goal for the week is to not give a ****, and get some things done in real life.

Maybe my, "not giving a ****" attitude will attract a girl in real life somewhere.


----------



## Zeeshan

lol you will like this boys

So anyways i went on dinner with my neighbor and then drinks at another place afterwards, good conversation, things were going well. So when it came time to leave her, she was going somewhere else, i gave her a huge, and went for the kiss

boom

she turns the cheek. Total fail. LOL. lol she is like what are you trying to do anyways, im like tying to give you a kiss

i dont even care. I guess it didnt go as well as i thought then?

lol nothing ventured nothing gained, right boys, i wasnt embarrassed at all.

LOL


----------



## AussiePea

Too soon perhaps.


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Too soon perhaps.


lol i cant believe it, ive had a couple of drinks today,

lol why am i not embarrassed. who cares anyways

I am proud of myself for going for it shows i have the guts to go for the kiss close with any girl


----------



## AussiePea

Certainly props for going for it, but perhaps something you can learn from regarding how quickly to progress things.


----------



## Zeeshan

got any ideas on my next move guys

i am thinking i shouldnt text anything today or tommorrow, and maybe wednesday night when i know she is home ask her if she wants to come over and watch a movie or something


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Certainly props for going for it, but perhaps something you can learn from regarding how quickly to progress things.


I dont fault myself from being aggressive, from everything i have learned aggression is appreciated in women

look the way i see it she initiated everything, therefore if i leave her alone for a day and a half it will be good


----------



## AussiePea

It's not appreciated in all woman though, it really depends on the type you are going after. Some get scared off if guys are too aggressive and move things too fast, it really becomes a game of judging the situation on the fly and keeping an eye out for hints on how quickly and comfortably she is with the progression. Unfortunately that comes with experience which isn't something we all have!

Wednesday sounds good though.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I have a profile on OkCupid. I'll have to fill in the profile which is going to the tough part. I never know what to say about myself.


Im proud of you man. This thread is indeed magical

Please go forward!


----------



## squall78

Zeeshan said:


> lol you will like this boys
> 
> So anyways i went on dinner with my neighbor and then drinks at another place afterwards, good conversation, things were going well. So when it came time to leave her, she was going somewhere else, i gave her a huge, and went for the kiss
> 
> boom
> 
> she turns the cheek. Total fail. LOL. lol she is like what are you trying to do anyways, im like tying to give you a kiss
> 
> i dont even care. I guess it didnt go as well as i thought then?
> 
> lol nothing ventured nothing gained, right boys, i wasnt embarrassed at all.
> 
> LOL


Good job. Even though you didn't get the results you wanted you went out and tried to make it happen. Aggression usually pays. At least from what I've been hearing.

I'm starting to think these girls on these dating sites have very inflated egos and won't date anybody. Lots of guys online are pretty desperate and will say anything to get her attention. This is gonna be hard.


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> Good job. Even though you didn't get the results you wanted you went out and tried to make it happen. Aggression usually pays. At least from what I've been hearing.
> 
> I'm starting to think these girls on these dating sites have very inflated egos and won't date anybody. Lots of guys online are pretty desperate and will say anything to get her attention. This is gonna be hard.


To be honest thats why i gave up online. Anyways, the way i see it if i can get this total hottie to go out with me, then i should be able to get another

no?


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> To be honest thats why i gave up online. Anyways, the way i see it if i can get this total hottie to go out with me, then i should be able to get another
> 
> no?


Absolutely, and the only thing I can say (since it seemed like everything else went just fine) is to make your intentions clear earlier on. If you simply ask your neighbor to dinner, she may very well interpret that as a friendly, neighborhood get-together. If you go for a kiss at the end of said event, then she will be taken aback. HOWEVER, if you tell her you think she's adorable (and right away), she'll realize that not only do you have confidence but that you also want to be more than just friends with her. Telling her that you are physically attracted to her immediately flips a switch on in her mind - "Okay, this guy wants to get to know me on _that_ level. How should I respond?" She'll think about it and respond appropriately instead of immediately placing you into a friend-zone box. The other possibility is that you just didn't physically escalate at all during the dinner.

But as you say, no big deal. I commend you for your positive attitude about things, that's what's going to take you really far: failing slightly but learning from it and trying again. Live and learn. My suggestion, since you're bound to run into her again: just tell her next time you see her, "Hey, sorry about the other night. I just think you're adorable and interesting so I couldn't resist  Have a good one!" Acting like it's no big deal will go a long way in alleviating any awkwardness and making her realize you are, in fact, a boss.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> My goal for the week is to not give a ****, and get some things done in real life.
> 
> Maybe my, "not giving a ****" attitude will attract a girl in real life somewhere.


I tend to have more success when I'm in this mindset.


----------



## srschirm

Zeeshan said:


> lol you will like this boys
> 
> So anyways i went on dinner with my neighbor and then drinks at another place afterwards, good conversation, things were going well. So when it came time to leave her, she was going somewhere else, i gave her a huge, and went for the kiss
> 
> boom
> 
> she turns the cheek. Total fail. LOL. lol she is like what are you trying to do anyways, im like tying to give you a kiss
> 
> i dont even care. I guess it didnt go as well as i thought then?
> 
> lol nothing ventured nothing gained, right boys, i wasnt embarrassed at all.
> 
> LOL


You should be proud of yourself for going for it!


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Absolutely, and the only thing I can say (since it seemed like everything else went just fine) is to make your intentions clear earlier on. If you simply ask your neighbor to dinner, she may very well interpret that as a friendly, neighborhood get-together. If you go for a kiss at the end of said event, then she will be taken aback. HOWEVER, if you tell her you think she's adorable (and right away), she'll realize that not only do you have confidence but that you also want to be more than just friends with her. Telling her that you are physically attracted to her immediately flips a switch on in her mind - "Okay, this guy wants to get to know me on _that_ level. How should I respond?" She'll think about it and respond appropriately instead of immediately placing you into a friend-zone box. The other possibility is that you just didn't physically escalate at all during the dinner.
> 
> But as you say, no big deal. I commend you for your positive attitude about things, that's what's going to take you really far: failing slightly but learning from it and trying again. Live and learn. My suggestion, since you're bound to run into her again: just tell her next time you see her, "Hey, sorry about the other night. I just think you're adorable and interesting so I couldn't resist  Have a good one!" Acting like it's no big deal will go a long way in alleviating any awkwardness and making her realize you are, in fact, a boss.


it was a date, we even made plans for a second date, dont know if its still on lol, this was not a friendly outing

i dont really care though, im not embarrassed or anything. If she wants to come over on Wednesday thats fine if not then she can join the rest of them in the ground i dont care about.

As far as i am concerned these days, either a person gives me what i want, or the cease to exist in my book. I have no problem telling her to F**K right off otherwise.

Just the way i am now lol, a careless shameless man  and its way better then what I use to be,


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> You should be proud of yourself for going for it!


I am absolutely,


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> As far as i am concerned these days, either a person gives me what i want, or the cease to exist in my book. I have no problem telling her to F**K right off otherwise.


Hmm..that's a bit extreme. Hopefully you'll get to the point eventually where you won't mind being friends with a girl if she's not interested in you sexually or vice versa.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Hmm..that's a bit extreme. Hopefully you'll get to the point eventually where you won't mind being friends with a girl if she's not interested in you sexually or vice versa.


Nope. not interested.



thanks though.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Nope. not interested.
> 
> 
> 
> thanks though.


 Wrong way to go through life IMO. Purely appealing to the selfish side of human nature here, forming bonds with as many people as possible (whether or not they turn out to be sexual in nature) can benefit you in so many ways. Just meeting new and interesting people can enhance your outlook on life, your interests, your career...almost everything. I totally understand if your only goal right now is to get girls and that's what you want to focus on. Totally understandable. Sometimes you feel like you need to keep going and going and improving and improving and when you're not you're just wasting time. But I really do think that once you've made some more progress in this area you'll be able to breath, live in the moment a bit, and be open to just having all kinds of friends and acquaintances, male or female.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Wrong way to go through life IMO. Purely appealing to the selfish side of human nature here, forming bonds with as many people as possible (whether or not they turn out to be sexual in nature) can benefit you in so many ways. Just meeting new and interesting people can enhance your outlook on life, your interests, your career...almost everything. I totally understand if your only goal right now is to get girls and that's what you want to focus on. Totally understandable. Sometimes you feel like you need to keep going and going and improving and improving and when you're not you're just wasting time. But I really do think that once you've made some more progress in this area you'll be able to breath, live in the moment a bit, and be open to just having all kinds of friends and acquaintances, male or female.


I actually had many friends, my best friend was a girl for many years, and it did nothing for me. In fact they are the reasons that i have my issues today, thus i have adapted a very simple philosophy now. Since for 28 years, living for other people only hurt me, i am just going to live for myself now. Seems to me i deserve it.

I dont think that is being selfish, i just dont care about her if she doesnt want to meet me again. its almost as its my universe and she will simply cease to exist from it. where she would go is her problem and not mine. Its the most comforting form of thinking i have ever had, and i shant be giving it up anytime soon


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I actually had many friends, my best friend was a girl for many years, and it did nothing for me. In fact they are the reasons that i have my issues today, thus i have adapted a very simple philosophy now. Since for 28 years, living for other people only hurt me, i am just going to live for myself now. Seems to me i deserve it.
> 
> I dont think that is being selfish, i just dont care about her if she doesnt want to meet me again. its almost as its my universe and she will simply cease to exist from it. where she would go is her problem and not mine. Its the most comforting form of thinking i have ever had, and i shant be giving it up anytime soon


Living for yourself is fine, I'm not at all saying you should live for other people. I won't argue the point anymore (okay, maybe a little), but part of my issues stemmed from wanting to make everyone happy - if I didn't please everyone to the maximum of my ability I would be miserable. Combine that impossible-to-reach goal with anxiety and it was a cycle of disaster. Once I stopped caring what people thought about me my life changed completely, so I agree with that mentality. All I'm saying is that you don't have to live _for_ people, you can live _with_ people (as cheesy as that sounds).

For example, I dated a girl for a bit and now we are just friends. I hang out with her here and there and we've developed a nice friendship. She works for a tile company and because we are so close, through her I was able to get my dad an amazing deal on the floor we're putting into our sunroom. Not that I'm hanging out with her for that reason, but there ya go: a practical benefit. And just because I'm not getting sex from her doesn't mean I can't have a great time hanging out with her.

My ex and I are still friends. Instead of just ignoring her forever, I still talk to her here and there. I count that as a major victory for my mental health - being able to get over someone I really liked and see her as a friend. Do I still have feelings for her? A little, sure, but I now think back on our time together and smile. And sooner rather than later I'm going to be hanging out with her again. I try to be friends with every girl I've dated or not dated, it just keeps my options open and you just never know what could happen.

When you don't have many dating options and you're bitter at the world, it's hard to see people in a positive light. But if you no longer let people affect you in such a negative way (in other words, you have enough confidence to just roll with the punches), you can deal with them much better and more easily see the positive in all types of relationships. I stand by the thought that once you become even more successful at dating and you're confident in it, you will have more of this kind of mentality. Either way, it's awesome that you keep putting yourself out there. You are just going for it no matter what and you'll definitely see positive results that way.


----------



## Zeeshan

Thanks for the advice Rymo

nothing much happening today, i am on either day 24 or 25 of NOFAP. All my sex drive is gone, i have flat lined completely.


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> Thanks for the advice Rymo
> 
> nothing much happening today, i am on either day 24 or 25 of NOFAP. All my sex drive is gone, i have flat lined completely.


Is that doing anything for you?

I tried it for two weeks and didn't really feel the miraculous transformation that was being promised.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> Is that doing anything for you?
> 
> I tried it for two weeks and didn't really feel the miraculous transformation that was being promised.


yep it really is.


----------



## hypestyle

an attractive older woman seemed to flirt with me today at work (shoulder 'punch', followed by shoulder rub that lasted, well, longer than I expected).. I'm loathe to read more into it, but I couldn't help but to notice..


----------



## Zeeshan

hypestyle said:


> an attractive older woman seemed to flirt with me today at work (shoulder 'punch', followed by shoulder rub that lasted, well, longer than I expected).. I'm loathe to read more into it, but I couldn't help but to notice..


seriously why do you loathe, when someone likes you


----------



## komorikun

hypestyle said:


> an attractive older woman seemed to flirt with me today at work (shoulder 'punch', followed by shoulder rub that lasted, well, longer than I expected).. I'm loathe to read more into it, but I couldn't help but to notice..


how old was she?


----------



## brownzerg

Still no job progress but I'm still actively trying.

Warming up to the idea of volunteer work, at least it'd get me out of the house! I don't want to sound superficial but the idea of doing something for free just.. I dunno, warming up to it!

I'm trying not to seem desperate  I guess being really lonely can pass that off on others, and talking about it to people.

Here's hoping something gives eh?


----------



## CalBear

Guys, seriously, when you go about your day, if you see a girl that interests you, *GO TALK TO HER*. Getting phone numbers during the day is incredibly easy.

Walk up and say (with a smile and jokingly): "Hey, you are the most adorable girl I've seen in the past 7 minutes...I'd regret it if I didn't come over and say hi....I'm ____, what's your name?"


----------



## Owl-99

CalBear said:


> Guys, seriously, when you go about your day, if you see a girl that interests you, *GO TALK TO HER*. Getting phone numbers during the day is incredibly easy.
> 
> Walk up and say (with a smile and jokingly): "Hey, you are the most adorable girl I've seen in the past 7 minutes...I'd regret it if I didn't come over and say hi....I'm ____, what's your name?"


Honestly what are you doing on this site ?


----------



## CalBear

bigblue38 said:


> Honestly what are you doing on this site ?


I used to eat lunch by myself in the bathroom stall in high school. My social anxiety is no different than yours; the only difference is that I've learned to deal with it over time--it's still a constant daily battle.


----------



## evginmubutu

all i am doing to 'get a girl' is working towards a career and being myself. so far this hasn't worked.


----------



## The Lil Aristotle

Wow! That was a lot of reading! I read every page 1- 63 & I must say it was like reading a book! Rymo you are a huge insperation you too zeeshan. I look forward to being apart of this thread


----------



## hypestyle

Zeeshan said:


> seriously why do you loathe, when someone likes you


because I'm fearful that the flirtation is ultimately, just that-- flirtation. Not "i'm really interested in dating you.".. so, we'll see... but I'm not the type to just come out and say, "_hey, you want to hook up later_?"


----------



## srschirm

Went on an impromptu date last night with someone from POF...had a really great time. There are warning signs, but this one has some potential!


----------



## srschirm

srschirm said:


> Went on an impromptu date last night with someone from POF...had a really great time. There are warning signs, but this one has some potential!


Aaannd we are grabbing lunch today.


----------



## rymo

The Lil Aristotle said:


> Wow! That was a lot of reading! I read every page 1- 63 & I must say it was like reading a book! Rymo you are a huge insperation you too zeeshan. I look forward to being apart of this thread


This made me smile. Not the inspiration thing (though it is much appreciated), but the fact that you read every single page and and it benefited you. I love that people are really starting to actively push themselves to meet women and talk about their experiences - _that_ is a huge inspiration to _me_.


----------



## The Lil Aristotle

well this thread really interested me. Plus im really trying to change & get out of my shyness (which has ruined a lot of oppertunities for me) but I will defiantly tryharder now because of this thread


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I get onto my email today, and see that I've received a message from this really attractive girl on POF. Really cute.

So I go to check out her profile, and...whoa! Seems like we share everything in terms of interests. And she lives in Cincinnati as well.

I am a bit hesitant to message this one, not because I don't think we'll hit it off, but because I will be throwing my whole expectations out on this one. And that, to someone with relationship anxiety, is kind of scary. 

And I'm also recovering from a bout of stomach flu, so I may wait a few days, until I feel better (please, someone, convince me to message this girl! LOL)


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

WintersTale said:


> And I'm also recovering from a bout of stomach flu, so I may wait a few days, until I feel better (please, someone, convince me to message this girl! LOL)


 I will try:

You should just go for it, because you don't want one of those awful situations when what you want is actually there for you to have..... but the idea of trying to get it is scary, so you just stick with having nothing. (Yes personal experience, the fear to find happiness, etc.)
If she willingly contacted you..... that has to be a good sign? Plus it is the internet, so you can always make good your escape if you have to.

so do it!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Okay, I'll message her tonight, if I get up the nerve!


----------



## pete24

Some more fails. Yesterday in pub. 2 women looking n smiling at me. Me and a friend slowly moved closer to their table after each drink we bought. But when we were nearly at their table they left .

Biy of luck on dating site. Thought this girl was pretty n we spoke for past week. Added eachother on facebook n iv seen loads more of her pictures..... Sadly shes different from her dating site pics and not my type


----------



## The Lil Aristotle

WintersTale said:


> Okay, I'll message her tonight, if I get up the nerve!


You should do it bro, because think about if you wont some other guy will.


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> Some more fails. Yesterday in pub. 2 women looking n smiling at me. Me and a friend slowly moved closer to their table after each drink we bought. But when we were nearly at their table they left .
> 
> Biy of luck on dating site. Thought this girl was pretty n we spoke for past week. Added eachother on facebook n iv seen loads more of her pictures..... Sadly shes different from her dating site pics and not my type


Winston Churchill was a pretty chill dude who said some wise stuff.

"Never, never, never give up"

The Dude abides to this wisdom and so should you.


----------



## srschirm

pete24 said:


> Some more fails. Yesterday in pub. 2 women looking n smiling at me. Me and a friend slowly moved closer to their table after each drink we bought. But when we were nearly at their table they left .


Why didn't you just walk up to their table?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

srschirm said:


> Why didn't you just walk up to their table?


For the same reason we all find ourselves in this thread, fear.


----------



## ravens

I would have to be drunk to approach a girl. Since I never go anywhere to get drunk I guess I won't be approaching any girls.


----------



## pete24

Yea thats the exact reason really. Fear. I know i should think sod that and approach but i just get all sorts of reasons in my head about it. I dont think iv ever got a woman from approaching them. Either met online or they approached me.

I guess its a good thing women are looking and smiling at me. N this time i got closer than last time to talking to them. I guess if they had stayed out longer, n we got more drunk i would of had more of a push to go over


----------



## srschirm

Yeah I know, fear sucks. Next time though dude...


----------



## ravens

There's a girl that I've liked for a while and I've been wanting to talk to but I've never gotten up the courage to talk to her. Today I saw her and I noticed that she had a ring on. I've thought that she might have a boyfriend but I never thought about her being married. :fall


----------



## squall78

srschirm said:


> Went on an impromptu date last night with someone from POF...had a really great time. There are warning signs, but this one has some potential!


Sounds like fun. I'm convinced that I'm sending messages to a wall. Women don't exist on okcupid as far as I know.


----------



## Zeeshan

WintersTale said:


> Okay, I'll message her tonight, if I get up the nerve!


let us know how it goes

:mumDO IT


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> There's a girl that I've liked for a while and I've been wanting to talk to but I've never gotten up the courage to talk to her. Today I saw her and I noticed that she had a ring on. I've thought that she might have a boyfriend but I never thought about her being married. :fall


was it in the left or right finger

right hand signals single status

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2003-12-31-right-hand-rings_x.htm


----------



## Zeeshan

The Lil Aristotle said:


> Wow! That was a lot of reading! I read every page 1- 63 & I must say it was like reading a book! Rymo you are a huge insperation you too zeeshan. I look forward to being apart of this thread


Thanks man.

I see myself posting on this thread on my wedding day, that shall be my last post LOL


----------



## Zeeshan

So i texted my neighbour today if she wanted to hang out, she said she was gonna stay in and thinks she is coming down with something, clearly an excuse. 

:-(

Things got bad to worse as i broke my NOFAP streak today, figures, while a weak moment in the early morning. Now i feel like complete ****. All of a sudden the doubts have started to conquer me again. This is what i used to feel like everyday before NOFAP. Just ****ty overall, full of doubts worried about losing my hair and whatnot.

Furthermore things have really piled up for me, with education, so bad day all around. Dont know what to do about my neighbour anymores


----------



## brownzerg

*leaves an expensive pair of shoes underneath a simple trap*

*runs and hides behind a bush giggling*


----------



## srschirm

WintersTale said:


> I get onto my email today, and see that I've received a message from this really attractive girl on POF. Really cute.
> 
> So I go to check out her profile, and...whoa! Seems like we share everything in terms of interests. And she lives in Cincinnati as well.
> 
> I am a bit hesitant to message this one, not because I don't think we'll hit it off, but because I will be throwing my whole expectations out on this one. And that, to someone with relationship anxiety, is kind of scary.
> 
> And I'm also recovering from a bout of stomach flu, so I may wait a few days, until I feel better (please, someone, convince me to message this girl! LOL)


Did you do it yet?


----------



## ravens

Zeeshan said:


> was it in the left or right finger
> 
> right hand signals single status
> 
> http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2003-12-31-right-hand-rings_x.htm


It was on her left hand.


----------



## Spacefaring1

Zeeshan said:


> Nope. not interested.
> 
> 
> 
> thanks though.


Okay, just to jump in here without reading 99% of the posts here: Even if you're not going to be in a relationship, you should still have female friends. I was friends with a girl for almost 4 months, and it just recently turned into a relationship. Plus, females have lots of friends to whom they can introduce you. A lot of women will be more likely to want to date you if you are recommended by another woman, even if she doesn't know her.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

[Deleted] I hate myself


----------



## pete24

Spacefaring1 said:


> Okay, just to jump in here without reading 99% of the posts here: Even if you're not going to be in a relationship, you should still have female friends. I was friends with a girl for almost 4 months, and it just recently turned into a relationship. Plus, females have lots of friends to whom they can introduce you. A lot of women will be more likely to want to date you if you are recommended by another woman, even if she doesn't know her.


Many of us dont even have male friends, so it would be hard to meet women to have as friends.

I think the only women iv ever known are friends girlfriends (that I never spoke to) and iv had 1 girl I knew and turned it into friends with benefits but it ended badly. The rest have all been girlfriends where the intention was always dating rather than being just friends


----------



## Canucklehead

Note to self: Chicks don't like it when you get confrontational, even when they say something incredibly stupid.


----------



## AussiePea

Canucklehead said:


> Note to self: Chicks don't like it when you get confrontational, even when they say something incredibly stupid.


Depends on what you mean by confrontational, some who can accept a debate and appreciate one might get fired up during the conversation but appreciate it after.


----------



## Brandeezy

Brandeezy said:


> The goal for the week is to get a reply on POF. The chance of that happening is low but who knows.


So I've had no luck so far and today is Thursday. I sent a ton of messages and received about 20 views in return but no messages. I'm about to throw in the towel, it's not hard to see that dating isn't for me.


----------



## rymo

A friend of mine is meeting some girl he used to know for drinks, and she is likely bringing a friend, so he asked me to come to even things out. This is the first time something like this has happened for me, every other time I've had to do all the work to approach (whether online or in real life). Should be interesting. Unfortunately I'm battling an infection so I won't be at the top of my game physically (and therefore mentally), but I'll try my best.


----------



## straightarrows

nothing!!!.. I can easily guess it's a waste of time!!..... it's better to think how to make $$$ not a girl #!


----------



## Fruitcake

Canucklehead said:


> Note to self: Chicks don't like it when you get confrontational, even when they say something incredibly stupid.


You must have missed me in your survey of all women.


----------



## The Lil Aristotle

rymo said:


> A friend of mine is meeting some girl he used to know for drinks, and she is likely bringing a friend, so he asked me to come to even things out. This is the first time something like this has happened for me, every other time I've had to do all the work to approach (whether online or in real life). Should be interesting. Unfortunately I'm battling an infection so I won't be at the top of my game physically (and therefore mentally), but I'll try my best.


The flu got to you too?


----------



## Ivan AG

So far I'm just stuck on OK Cupid messaging girls and trying to upgrade my profile.

Can anyone give me any tips on approaching in real life?

I'm trying to get into the whole "day game" scene and I'm finding it overwhelming just thinking about it. I've already signed up for a couple of groups on Meetups.com but I'm so damn inhibited and shaky.


----------



## stoolie

I went to a bar with a friend last Sunday, but there were only student couples :/
Not that I would have the balls to approach a girl there.

There was a cute girl next to me about to cross the street, but I couldn't even imagine how I can start a conversation out of the blue.


----------



## Zeeshan

Nothing is happening, and i am not of an positive mind frame right now.


----------



## mattigummi

I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to my crush in a week now, and that was on facebook We have talked some in person in school, but never more than a minute at once. I never found an opportunity this week, she's totally glued to her friends all the time and always talking of course. I could never just intercept them. And I'm always just alone walking awkwardly around. And that discourages me, only have like 1 real friend in school who I rarely see. 

I had a topic in mind to say to her today, if I would find a chance, which I didn't. It'd be to late to mention it on monday, and I could talk to her on facebook, but I don't know, we've talked 5 times on there, all the times I started the conversation (super nervous every time). Feel like I would be too excessive if I did it again... But when we talk it's so great, she so fun to talk to. It didn't feel forced or anything, she seemed always interested in keeping the conversation going, and many times I stopped typing because I saw she was typing. 

And then people are telling me to ask her out, but I don't even have any idea to what and where to ask her out. Don't even have confidence to do that at the moment either, and it's rather early imo. My parents went away last weekend and I took a Star Wars marathon, watched all the films, and my older sister told me to invite her over. And I just looked at her like she was absurd. I just thought, I can't just invite her over, that would be strange. I've never met her outside school and just randomly asking her to watch Star Wars with me just didn't feel right to me. Was I wrong?



She commented on my photo on fb last friday, a photo of my 3 exam results. Said "**** you genius" hehe...


----------



## Canucklehead

Fruitcake said:


> You must have missed me in your survey of all women.


You are not the average woman Fruitcake. Women aren't usually witty, intelligent, and able to take jokes.


----------



## stoolie

mattigummi said:


> My parents went away last weekend and I took a Star Wars marathon, watched all the films, and my older sister told me to invite her over. And I just looked at her like she was absurd. I just thought, I can't just invite her over, that would be strange. I've never met her outside school and just randomly asking her to watch Star Wars with me just didn't feel right to me. Was I wrong?


Well, you could at least have asked her what she thinks about Star Wars movies. Maybe her answer would have encouraged you to ask her to join.


----------



## rymo

The Lil Aristotle said:


> The flu got to you too?


Nah...I have some crazy virus that is from a cut or some kind of infection and it's blowing up the lymphnodes in my neck. I look like a circus act, but only in certain light .. I'll have to pop my collar or something


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> Nothing is happening, and i am not of an positive mind frame right now.


Did the nofap thing help you out with getting a GF?

I'm gonna give it another try but I'm not expecting anything big (no pun intended).


----------



## mattigummi

stoolie said:


> Well, you could at least have asked her what she thinks about Star Wars movies. Maybe her answer would have encouraged you to ask her to join.


She's not often on facebook, and when she is she rarely stays for long. I already started watching so to ask her I'd have to turn on the computer just to see if she's on facebook... I think she likes them though. Wouldn't bet against it.


----------



## stoolie

Ivan AG said:


> Did the nofap thing help you out with getting a GF?
> 
> I'm gonna give it another try but I'm not expecting anything big (no pun intended).


I'm on day 17 myself. I'm still surprised there isn't a dedicated NoFap thread on SAS.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> I'm on day 17 myself. I'm still surprised there isn't a dedicated NoFap thread on SAS.


What's your experience so far?


----------



## stoolie

Ivan AG said:


> What's your experience so far?


Unfortunately I have to say that I miss it, but I'm at a stage, where I'm getting rather desperate, so I'm giving it a try. 
I also think that when I'm at work or interacting with people in general I feel less shameful or insecure.

Still can't say anything about interactions with women, because I have no opportunity to meet some at the moment, which is my biggest problem to begin with. :/


----------



## ravens

I've gone without masturbating for almost a month several times since I've I've started masturbating but I've never noticed any difference. Right now I'm masturbating every day. I can't seem to be able to stop. I guess I know that I'm never gonna have sex so this is the only sexual activity that I'm gonna to do.


----------



## pete24

Got another day tomorrow with potential. Well its an afternoon to mid evening in the pub.

This girl off POF is out tomorrow night in my town, she was hinting at me going out with her, but to be honest, shes the 1 im really not keen on so im gonna avoid that.

Hopefully I get a few women looking and smiling at me again and with a bit of luck, I can at least speak to a girl. I always feel positive about going to pubs because im putting myself out there a bit, but hate the disappointment when theres no result


----------



## Ivan AG

Daym!

How do you keep setting up dates, mang?

Nothing's happening at OK Cupid and I live in London!

Do you have plenty of pics on your profile? I only have this cheesy Wimbledon photo from this year.


----------



## quietly

Not much. I'm not interested in an uphill battle of changing my personality just to get with some broad. The hand is doing fine enough, and if I'm feeling kinky there's always third world countries where anything goes as long as you got the $


----------



## pete24

OK Cupid was never the best really, POF had way more women on it.

Dating sites are full of more men than women but I guess it must be a bit harder in London with increased numbers.

You probably need more pictures. 3 should do it but try to put up pictures that all show you in the same sort of way (like dont have 1 "hot" picture of yourself and 2 "average" pictures, try to keep them all the same level of "hotness).

Try and message them, give a good opening line (mine usually is something casual, maybe relating to their profile, ask if they have had a good week, etc). As a rule I only message women who are "looking for a relationship". Half the players wont bother with a women like that... avoid any that are after dating but nothing serious etc.

Saying that iv had a poor week, since monday sent 3 or 4 messages, none replied, had 1 message but the girl was a total idiot. She was telling me how she used to be a slapper and do cocaine... Maybe I could give OK Cupid another shot (edit: tried it, less than 10 women in same town on there, a bit further afield theres basically any women)


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Not much. I'm not interested in an uphill battle of changing my personality just to get with some broad. The hand is doing fine enough, and if I'm feeling kinky there's always third world countries where anything goes as long as you got the $


So...you're lazy?


----------



## Brandeezy

So on the train ride home from work this attractive girl sat next to me. I wanted to talk to her but she was on the phone the whole train ride so I planned to wait until she got off. Luckily we both got off at the same stop so I put my plan in motion, I followed her and ironically she ended up walking the same route as me . As I start to get closer to her she started walking faster and faster then................................she broke out into a full out sprint down the street in ****ing furry Uggs WTF!!!! I guess I'm too intimidating


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> So...you're lazy?


Not being slave under the vagina is more like it. Can't be lazy if you dont want it to begin with genius


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Not being slave under the vagina is more like it. Can't be lazy if you dont want it to begin with genius


I can tell by your incredibly non-defensive response that you _really_ don't want it :roll

I always love guys who are in such denial. It's like...if you really don't care then why bother even posting here? It reminds me when people post a topic about generally not caring anymore about their anxiety and resigning themselves to a life of loneliness, but yet they will continue to post on this board about their troubles and you know it's all just a front. _Of course_ you would want a girlfriend (or five), you just don't want to put up with what you see as "changing your personality," which isn't even something you need to do to get a girl. Bettering yourself and learning about what women respond to is not equivalent to changing your personality at all.


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> I can tell by your incredibly non-defensive response that you _really_ don't want it :roll


Your sarcasm is oh so hilarious:roll
Can't see anything overly defensive in my post, but whatever works for you my man


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> blah blah blah


It's cute that you think you know me:*


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Your sarcasm is oh so hilarious:roll
> Can't see anything overly defensive in my post, but whatever works for you my man


You literally changed your initial post from something like this one ("whatever works for you my man"), to sarcastically calling me a genius. No...not defensive at all. But hey, whatever man. It's all good. No worries. Life is good. My man.



quietly said:


> It's cute that you think you know me:*


Refute one point I made intelligently and I would be glad to take it back. But then - you don't care to. Because you're so content. Nothing matters. Yet you continue to respond...


----------



## jsgt

Why are you on his case, rymo? Just because it's the "norm" for men to want women, doesn't mean that _all_ men feel that way. There are actually people out there who don't want a relationship. :idea Maybe he got defensive because he's tired of people expecting him to feel the same way as everyone else... What would you say to someone who's gay? You're in denial? :no
btw...not saying quietly is gay....just using that as an example to make a point.


----------



## rymo

jsgt said:


> Why are you on his case, rymo? Just because it's the "norm" for men to want women, doesn't an that _all_ men feel that way. There are actually people out there who don't want a relationship. :idea Maybe he got defensive because he's tired of people expecting him to feel the same way as everyone else...


This topic is for people who DO care and want to improve themselves for the better in that area and in general. Lots of guys here have been trying really hard lately and posting their experiences, and then everyone once in a while we get a negative Nancy who comes and brings everything down. If you're trying and you have a bad day, then that's totally fine. But to post in this thread simply to talk about how you are too lazy to work on yourself...that's counter-productive. Unless, of course, it's actually a cry for help. Which is the case most of the time. Throw a girl into his lap and then tell me he's not interested.


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> You literally changed your initial post from something like this one ("whatever works for you my man"), to sarcastically calling me a genius. No...not defensive at all. But hey, whatever man. It's all good. No worries. Life is good. My man.


Little sensitive are we?



rymo said:


> Refute one point I made intelligently and I would be glad to take it back. But then - you don't care to. Because you're so content. Nothing matters. Yet you continue to respond...


Just think it's hilarious with internet poindexters that think they know a person through some lines at a forum. and i never said nothing matters to me... _genius_. Getting laid and relationships is just not on that list


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Little sensitive are we?
> 
> Just think it's hilarious with internet poindexters that think they know a person through some lines at a forum. and i never said nothing matters to me... _genius_. Getting laid and relationships is just not on that list


----------



## pete24

I agree with people. Its like this thread is for positives and attempts (weather a fail or successful). 

Fair enough you dont want to be in a relationship, but thats talk for another thread


----------



## ravens

Throw a girl a girl into my lap and I'll know what to do but getting the girl as always been my problem. If I could've felt like I do now when I was in my 20's then I would have tried to get a girlfriend.


----------



## jsgt

rymo said:


> This topic is for people who DO care and want to improve themselves for the better in that area and in general. Lots of guys here have been trying really hard lately and posting their experiences, and then everyone once in a while we get a negative Nancy who comes and brings everything down. If you're trying and you have a bad day, then that's totally fine. But to post in this thread simply to talk about how you are too lazy to work on yourself...that's counter-productive. Unless, of course, it's actually a cry for help. Which is the case most of the time. Throw a girl into his lap and then tell me he's not interested.


I agree, but it only brings things down if you let it. I still don't think that's any reason to make assumptions and accusations against someone you don't fully know.


----------



## ravens

All I think about anymore is having a girlfriend or losing my virginity. I feel like I'm a freak because I'm the way that I am.


----------



## quietly

pete24 said:


> I agree with people. Its like this thread is for positives and attempts (weather a fail or successful).
> 
> Fair enough you dont want to be in a relationship, but thats talk for another thread


And I offered some positive thoughts. I think it would benefit alot of people on here to give less energy to this "problem". I feel alot better now that I don't go around with a tightened chest thinking about my lack of relationships and how that makes me a "loser" in the eyes of society.


----------



## pete24

quietly said:


> I think it would benefit alot of people on here to give less energy to this "problem".


It depends on the ages. If your in teens to early 20's, then I agree, they have a lot to experience and plenty of time to make mistakes and be in loads more relationships.

However maybe people who are mid 20's on wards, they may of already experienced the main things in life and their next goal could be to get a girlfriend. "Giving less energy", sitting around and putting it off your mind more often than not doesnt help


----------



## ravens

I've never experienced any kind of relationships. :cry

I should be in my 20's not in my 40's.


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> *It depends on the ages. If your in teens to early 20's, then I agree, they have a lot to experience and plenty of time to make mistakes and be in loads more relationships. *
> 
> However maybe people who are mid 20's on wards, they may of already experienced the main things in life and their next goal could be to get a girlfriend. "Giving less energy", sitting around and putting it off your mind more often than not doesnt help


Hmm, I don't know about this.

Currently, I feel like I'm under the critical eye of society.

"Can he make it? Can he finally get a girlfriend? CAN HE PROVE HE'S LOVABLE?"

There is a big element of desire on my part, but that doesn't deny the fact that I also experience pressure from the outside to get this over with.

It feels like a race, you know? A race against time. That's why I wake up every day with a feeling of urgency in my gut.


----------



## pete24

When it comes to relationships you should think sod what anyone else says or thinks. It has to be 100% for you really. Would you get with anyone for the sake of it just to show society you've got a girlfriend?

The main race should be done if thats the next thing in life your certain you want.


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm saying that if I don't get in a relationship in the next year, I feel like I'll never make it.

Getting older.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> Did the nofap thing help you out with getting a GF?
> 
> I'm gonna give it another try but I'm not expecting anything big (no pun intended).


Actually the reason i feel down is BC my NOFAP broke on tuesday

All the flirtiness and smiles dissapeared, Wednesday i was so depressed and it was like the old me.

I have lost all my confidence, trying to build it up now


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So on the train ride home from work this attractive girl sat next to me. I wanted to talk to her but she was on the phone the whole train ride so I planned to wait until she got off. Luckily we both got off at the same stop so I put my plan in motion, I followed her and ironically she ended up walking the same route as me . As I start to get closer to her she started walking faster and faster then................................she broke out into a full out sprint down the street in ****ing furry Uggs WTF!!!! I guess I'm too intimidating


Bro girls dont want to be followed out of buses.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> All I think about anymore is having a girlfriend or losing my virginity. I feel like I'm a freak because I'm the way that I am.


Thats good, why would you think about anything else.


----------



## srschirm

ravens said:


> All I think about anymore is having a girlfriend or losing my virginity. I feel like I'm a freak because I'm the way that I am.


No you're a guy, lol. The question now is what are you going to do about it?


----------



## ravens

I don't think I'm a freak for thinking about having a girlfriend or sex all the time. I guess I'm talking about waiting as long as I have to try to get a girlfriend.


----------



## To22

Am I a tool for coming to this thread just to type "F B****** Get Money!" ?


----------



## ravens

I've never had a girlfriend or much money.


----------



## To22

ravens said:


> I've never had a girlfriend or much money.


So that's a Yes? I figured as much..I apologize for my toolness

Just keep trying Ravens. I know you want one and if you continue to hope and work than it may just pay off big time. I hope my tool-douchebagery didn't rub you the wrong way.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I've never had a girlfriend or much money.


Dude man, you need to start taking actions,

Small Actions = Big Outcomes

SOMETIMES. Just please start trying ****


----------



## quietly

pete24 said:


> However maybe people who are mid 20's on wards, they may of already experienced the main things in life and their next goal could be to get a girlfriend. "Giving less energy", sitting around and putting it off your mind more often than not doesnt help


Rule of thumb is; if it hasnt happened by that time, then they don't want it badly enough. 
Somewhere in the back of their minds these people know that the only reason they obsess over relationships is because society will see them as "losers" until they get one. That's a really bad incentive to build something on and puts them in this current state of suffering. I've been there.
Just as there are movies and music that only appeal to a small portion of the population, there are niche personalities that not everybody likes. And thats OKAY. There are different people that like different things. Its part of the richness of the earth. 
True happiness comes from embracing yourself as part of that richness no matter your quirks and faults and not be so dependent on the opinions of others. Getting with a chick should be seen merely as a bonus, not as a lifelong endeavor. 
*Wake up people! Don't play by societys rules, make your own!*


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Rule of thumb is; if it hasnt happened by that time, then they don't want it badly enough.
> Somewhere in the back of their minds these people know that the only reason they obsess over relationships is because society will see them as "losers" until they get one. That's a really bad incentive to build something on and puts them in this current state of suffering. I've been there.
> Just as there are movies and music that only appeal to a small portion of the population, there are niche personalities that not everybody likes. And thats OKAY. There are different people that like different things. Its part of the richness of the earth.
> True happiness comes from embracing yourself as part of that richness no matter your quirks and faults and not be so dependent on the opinions of others. Getting with a chick should be seen merely as a bonus, not as a lifelong endeavor.
> *Wake up people! Don't play by societys rules, make your own!*


In one breath you say there are different people, richness, all that - then in another you claim that if a guy hasn't been with a girl by a certain age then their sole motivation to do so is pressure from society. But what if your own rule is to be with a girl simply because you're lonely? Because you want to feel the warmth and love of another human being? For sexual reasons? For emotional reasons? None having anything to do with what other people think. Especially if you have supportive friends who really don't care whether or not you are a virgin or inexperienced or whatever, then it really just comes down to what _you_ want.

I am thoroughly impressed that you can disassociate yourself from the average biological and emotional needs of other humans, but most of us don't possess that kind of talent. We do crave affection, and when we don't have it it's disappointing not because society tells us it's disappointing, but rather because it's simply something important that is missing from our lives. As for not getting any action even when you're in your mid-20s or later, SA is a beast of a condition and for some it takes longer than others to overcome certain aspects of it. If someone is 31 or 42 and they still haven't had any sexual interaction, it's not that they don't want it. It's more than likely because they haven't had the right guidance or self-realization to be able to push through their fears and grab what they want out of life.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> In one breath you say there are different people, richness, all that - then in another you claim that if a guy hasn't been with a girl by a certain age then their sole motivation to do so is pressure from society. But what if your own rule is to be with a girl simply because you're lonely? Because you want to feel the warmth and love of another human being? For sexual reasons? For emotional reasons? None having anything to do with what other people think. Especially if you have supportive friends who really don't care whether or not you are a virgin or inexperienced or whatever, then it really just comes down to what _you_ want.
> 
> I am thoroughly impressed that you can disassociate yourself from the average biological and emotional needs of other humans, but most of us don't possess that kind of talent. We do crave affection, and when we don't have it it's disappointing not because society tells us it's disappointing, but rather because it's simply something important that is missing from our lives. As for not getting any action even when you're in your mid-20s or later, SA is a beast of a condition and for some it takes longer than others to overcome certain aspects of it. If someone is 31 or 42 and they still haven't had any sexual interaction, it's not that they don't want it. It's more than likely because they haven't had the right guidance or self-realization to be able to push through their fears and grab what they want out of life.


i hear you man, i dont thinks it about social things, though if that plays an important part in it, its because we are social being. The idea that there are men who oppose this because they are rebelling against some social cause its ludicrous.

this has been a frustrating weekend, i am working on my final papers, have been at it all day, probably not even leave the apartment.


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> Actually the reason i feel down is BC my NOFAP broke on tuesday
> 
> All the flirtiness and smiles dissapeared, Wednesday i was so depressed and it was like the old me.
> 
> I have lost all my confidence, trying to build it up now


I feel like once I start doing the nofap routine, my confidence become attached to it.

One slip up and then everything goes downhill. Most of this is psychological but it's still a problem.

How do people with SA manage to get into relationships without doing any kind of nofap routine?


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> ...


Be careful maybe he's trying to troll, in which case: don't feed him 

How did your arranged double date go?



Ivan AG said:


> How do people with SA manage to get into relationships without doing any kind of nofap routine?


NoFap is no silver bullet. Maybe it does help you, maybe it doesn't. At least you should try it out and see for yourself.


----------



## pete24

My night was a typical fail.... only women that looked was this old slapper in an old mans pub. Home and only company is booze. Dunno too, maybe I assumed someones wife liked me, didnt meet any hotties . Worst fail in months

Left here with lot of 10% cider, n an empty pocket...... No chance to try again until late next week :/ (unless last minute I was to go out with the minger off POF)


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> My night was a typical fail.... only women that looked was this old slapper in an old mans pub. Home and only company is booze. Dunno too, maybe I assumed someones wife liked me, didnt meet any hotties . Worst fail in months


Did you approach the women you were interested in?

Did they reject you?

Give us the info.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> Be careful maybe he's trying to troll, in which case: don't feed him
> 
> How did your arranged double date go?
> 
> NoFap is no silver bullet. Maybe it does help you, maybe it doesn't. At least you should try it out and see for yourself.


I tried it for two weeks and it made me antsy and anxious as ****. Like I was socially anxious yet aroused to the point where I could go off just by brushing against someone.

Hitting the gym is working better as a confidence booster with women right now.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> I tried it for two weeks and it made me antsy and anxious as ****. Like I was socially anxious yet aroused to the point where I could go off just by brushing against someone.
> 
> Hitting the gym is working better as a confidence booster with women right now.


different things for different people.

Hitting the gym is also good, a ripped muscular body and a six pack will do wonders for your love life. A great car would do the same, more money, great job, these are all compounding success factors


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> But what if your own rule is to be with a girl simply because you're lonely? Because you want to feel the warmth and love of another human being? For sexual reasons? For emotional reasons? None having anything to do with what other people think.


Having personally spoken with quite a few late 20 - 40 year virgins with bleak future perspectives their obessions with relationships stems from simple lack of self-respect. They are dissapointed with themselves because of constant outer bombardment of not being good enough for society.
This issue goes far beyond being lonely and needing some emotional contact. It cant be cured with trying to change yourself to get with a ****in girl. These men need to feel pride over who they are, that's what they've been denied since society is always trying to weed out the "abnormal". 
I'm trying to reach out to guys smashing their heads against walls trying to attract females. I've been there. I tried all that stupid PUA and dating site ****, because my personality wasnt "good enough". Trying to kill off myself did get me some "action" but with 0% satisfaction.
You need to cut yourselves some slack. Sitting on superficial dating sites and clubs while trying to mask your self-loathing wont get you anywhere. You cant be "loved" or "love" without loving yourselves. And that is done by embracing yourselves just the way you are. Without fear or remorse.


----------



## rymo

quietly said:


> Having personally spoken with quite a few late 20 - 40 year virgins with bleak future perspectives their obessions with relationships stems from simple lack of self-respect. They are dissapointed with themselves because of constant outer bombardment of not being good enough for society.
> This issue goes far beyond being lonely and needing some emotional contact. It cant be cured with trying to change yourself to get with a ****in girl. These men need to feel pride over who they are, that's what they've been denied since society is always trying to weed out the "abnormal".
> I'm trying to reach out to guys smashing their heads against walls trying to attract females. I've been there. I tried all that stupid PUA and dating site ****, because my personality wasnt "good enough". Trying to kill off myself did get me some "action" but with 0% satisfaction.
> You need to cut yourselves some slack. Sitting on superficial dating sites and clubs while feeling extreme self-loathing wont get you anywhere. You cant be "loved" or "love" without loving yourselves. And that is done by embracing yourselves just the way you are. Without fear or remorse.


I only speak from experience - as a guy who was 24 and had never even kissed a girl. I was extremely lonely and had no friends. I had work, working out, and NOTHING else. I no longer cared about the peer pressure to "not be a virgin" or anything like that - I _just_ wanted some companionship, and desperately. I knew deep down that my personality was good enough, but I wasn't able to show it off to the best of my ability because of my crippling SA. So I did the approaching thing and the dating site thing, and after working at it for a long time I had success. And then I continued to work at it. And had even more. And today I am having more than ever.

But the difference today is that I am more happy with who I am now. I don't feel the need to prove to myself that I can get a girl anymore. I do it because it's fun and who knows if I could end up meeting the love of my life? I have a few friends now, I am more outgoing, people see me smiling now. I cared about being social, so now that I have a sliver of a social life now, I am much happier. And this all started because of my drive to find a girl. Learning how to get one and then practicing my *** off and just putting myself out there. I love myself more because I _wanted_ to be the best version of myself I could be, and I'm finally getting somewhere with that. I wanted to overcome this god damn SA and obviously making progress towards that would make me happier.

Again, you don't care about that. Being more social and outgoing is clearly not a goal of yours. Not sure why you tried the dating thing to begin with if that's the case, but maybe you just needed to find that out by going through the motions. Anyway, good luck to you in whatever your goals are.


----------



## Spacefaring1

pete24 said:


> Many of us dont even have male friends, so it would be hard to meet women to have as friends.
> 
> I think the only women iv ever known are friends girlfriends (that I never spoke to) and iv had 1 girl I knew and turned it into friends with benefits but it ended badly. The rest have all been girlfriends where the intention was always dating rather than being just friends


I was referring more to the people who refuse to have a female friend. If you have the opportunity, go for it. If it doesn't turn into a relationship, and she doesn't find you someone, at least you have another friend.



straightarrows said:


> nothing!!!.. I can easily guess it's a waste of time!!..... it's better to think how to make $$$ not a girl #!


So you're a subscriber of the "f*** b******, get money" philosophy?



Brandeezy said:


> So I've had no luck so far and today is Thursday. I sent a ton of messages and received about 20 views in return but no messages. I'm about to throw in the towel, it's not hard to see that dating isn't for me.





Ivan AG said:


> So far I'm just stuck on OK Cupid messaging girls and trying to upgrade my profile.
> 
> Can anyone give me any tips on approaching in real life?
> 
> I'm trying to get into the whole "day game" scene and I'm finding it overwhelming just thinking about it. I've already signed up for a couple of groups on Meetups.com but I'm so damn inhibited and shaky.





Ivan AG said:


> Daym!
> 
> How do you keep setting up dates, mang?
> 
> Nothing's happening at OK Cupid and I live in London!
> 
> Do you have plenty of pics on your profile? I only have this cheesy Wimbledon photo from this year.


I've come to the conclusion that online dating is too difficult for guys who are not at the top in looks. I found it easier to find women in person. On OkCupid, they're all looking for the best looking people, and on POF, while there may be a lot more women, very few were my type.



Brandeezy said:


> So on the train ride home from work this attractive girl sat next to me. I wanted to talk to her but she was on the phone the whole train ride so I planned to wait until she got off. Luckily we both got off at the same stop so I put my plan in motion, I followed her and ironically she ended up walking the same route as me . As I start to get closer to her she started walking faster and faster then................................she broke out into a full out sprint down the street in ****ing furry Uggs WTF!!!! I guess I'm too intimidating


You followed her. She probably believed you were a rapist. As Zeeshan said:


Zeeshan said:


> Bro girls dont want to be followed out of buses.


----------



## anomalous

rymo said:


> But the difference today is that I am more happy with who I am now. I don't feel the need to prove to myself that I can get a girl anymore. I do it because it's fun and who knows if I could end up meeting the love of my life? I have a few friends now, I am more outgoing, people see me smiling now. I cared about being social, so now that I have a sliver of a social life now, I am much happier. And this all started because of my drive to find a girl. Learning how to get one and then practicing my *** off and just putting myself out there. I love myself more because I _wanted_ to be the best version of myself I could be, and I'm finally getting somewhere with that. I wanted to overcome this god damn SA and obviously making progress towards that would make me happier.
> 
> Again, you don't care about that. Being more social and outgoing is clearly not a goal of yours. Not sure why you tried the dating thing to begin with if that's the case, but maybe you just needed to find that out by going through the motions. Anyway, good luck to you in whatever your goals are.


I think you have a point: getting a girl is nearly impossible without being social too. Even though I'm with *quietly* in principle, I simply don't think the whole "be yourself no matter what society thinks" mantra works in practice. If you're "abnormal," you have to make a choice: (1) compromise and conform and socialize conventionally to get girls, or (2) stay true to yourself and have an extremely difficult time with girls your whole life, at best.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Be careful maybe he's trying to troll, in which case: don't feed him
> 
> How did your arranged double date go?


Make out and a number. I just went in not giving a **** and followed the usual process and it worked out just fine. And when I say process I mean just being me without fear and then here and there remembering to do the typical attract women things. Things like not apologizing for being "inappropriate" or holding back with what I say (incl. talking about sexual stuff somewhat early on), getting physical (e.g. fist bumps, half-hug, etc.), making my intentions clear early on ("you were a dork in high school? give me a break, you're ****ing adorable now"), and just generally taking charge. Even though when we were all talking in a group my SA would start to seep in a bit and I was quieter, I didn't let that affect me when it came to doing all those things.

I'm finding that this stuff is becoming more and more second nature to me. I mean, as I said before its really just me being me without holding back. Being confident and forward has nothing to do with changing your personality - I still say the same things I would have said years ago. The difference is, years ago I _would_ have said these things - but in practice I didn't. Forcing myself to do so in the past year has gotten me to the point where I can say what's on my mind much more often. Am I perfect at it? Absolutely not, but then no girl is expecting perfection. They're just looking to have a good time, so ultimately if a guy knows how to have a good time then they'll do just fine. I think knowing how to have a good time definitely involves pushing past all the nerves and essentially having fun for yourself - not for anyone else. Changing your personality is when you let SA get the better of you - being yourself is when you let loose completely.


----------



## ravens

anomalous said:


> I think you have a point: getting a girl is nearly impossible without being social too. Even though I'm with *quietly* in principle, I simply don't think the whole "be yourself no matter what society thinks" mantra works in practice. If you're "abnormal," you have to make a choice: (1) compromise and conform and socialize conventionally to get girls, or (2) stay true to yourself and have an extremely difficult time with girls your whole life, at best.


I've never gone out and socialized in my whole life. That's probably one of the reasons that I've never had a girlfriend. That and hating myself for being overweight and thinking that no girl would find me attractive.


----------



## typemismatch

I use Oil of Olay anti-ageing cream. It's great I started using it when I was 12 and I still look 12, unfortunately only 12yo girls fancy me which is a bit of a problem. So recently I've stopped using the cream and started taking heroin - just to make me age a bit faster - I've been using it a month and I now look like I'm in my mid-to-late 60s. Not had much luck with the women so far.


----------



## quietly

rymo said:


> I only speak from experience - as a guy who was 24 and had never even kissed a girl. I was extremely lonely and had no friends. I had work, working out, and NOTHING else. I no longer cared about the peer pressure to "not be a virgin" or anything like that - I _just_ wanted some companionship, and desperately. I knew deep down that my personality was good enough, but I wasn't able to show it off to the best of my ability because of my crippling SA.


thats well and good, but its not how it works for everyone. 
All relations depend on that the parties can relate to each other to a high extent or else it just falls apart real fast. You just happened to have a personality that people can relate to that unfortunately was blocked by SA.
IRL I'm not rude or anything. I just dont think like a majority of people and have other interests that are shared by few etc. Which makes it difficult to relate to me and vice versa. My SA simply came from trying to deny myself which almost hospitalized me. And I think that this is the case with many(not all) males on here. 
I'm simply offering an alternative healing process for those that have tried it all with bad results


----------



## bsd3355

I really don't know how I got back on this site but cool I'll take it.. was kind of missing it to be honest....


What have I done since I been away?

Went on two dates and got about 11+ numbers. Should of done more but had a week of school **** I needed to get done. Had a girl I met at campus come over to my house but LMR Which is cool because I can understand and respect that.

About to head out now solo to campus--never done it before this late at night but I guess some places on campus are still open. I am also going to go solo downtown because town is having a halloween celebration and it will be packed.

For me, it'll be this way for a while yet, me approaching girls. I've been told it's pathetic and whatnot but if only people knew of the lack of experiences men have if they DON'T do this stuff, it almost makes it a necessity for most men. For the most part, I have increased my goals, which will increase girls flaking, but that's OK. Ideally, I am currently shooting for 15 numbers and 2 dates a week. 15 numbers because I am getting lots of flakes because of short interactions, etc. 2 dates a week is just a personal goal so I keep on a progress. I will have to do lots of approaches per week to accomplish this. Tonight and sunday I will attempt to do this but I have already missed a lot of time.

Passed the 100th mark of approaches! Took a long time to be honest


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> I really don't know how I got back on this site but cool I'll take it.. was kind of missing it to be honest....
> 
> What have I done since I been away?
> 
> Went on two dates and got about 11+ numbers. Should of done more but had a week of school **** I needed to get done. Had a girl I met at campus come over to my house but LMR Which is cool because I can understand and respect that.
> 
> About to head out now solo to campus--never done it before this late at night but I guess some places on campus are still open. I am also going to go solo downtown because town is having a halloween celebration and it will be packed.
> 
> For me, it'll be this way for a while yet, me approaching girls. I've been told it's pathetic and whatnot but if only people knew of the lack of experiences men have if they DON'T do this stuff, it almost makes it a necessity for most men. For the most part, I have increased my goals, which will increase girls flaking, but that's OK. Ideally, I am currently shooting for 15 numbers and 2 dates a week. 15 numbers because I am getting lots of flakes because of short interactions, etc. 2 dates a week is just a personal goal so I keep on a progress. I will have to do lots of approaches per week to accomplish this. Tonight and sunday I will attempt to do this but I have already missed a lot of time.


You are on fire man, congrats. And why did you leave the site to begin with? We love hearing about your adventures.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I'm finding that this stuff is becoming more and more second nature to me. I mean, as I said before its really just me being me without holding back.


Bingo. I'm half-jealous you've cut the learning curve dramatically compared to me at least...

This stuff is essential.


----------



## quietly

anomalous said:


> I think you have a point: getting a girl is nearly impossible without being social too. Even though I'm with *quietly* in principle, I simply don't think the whole "be yourself no matter what society thinks" mantra works in practice. If you're "abnormal," you have to make a choice: (1) compromise and conform and socialize conventionally to get girls, or (2) stay true to yourself and have an extremely difficult time with girls your whole life, at best.


It only takes a few "true to themselves" people to get a ball rolling. together we're strong. 
Just because "things have always been like this" doesnt mean they have to stay that way. Variation amongst should be encouraged, not scoffed upon. That is my stance


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> You are on fire man, congrats. And why did you leave the site to begin with? We love hearing about your adventures.


I left mainly because I was frustrated by some of the stuff on this site, but realized I missed this place. Some moderator probably noticed me trying to make another SN and lifted my ban I requested. Sweet


----------



## Dissonance

Here's my plan, I get some guy to kidnap a girl I really like and everything but not hurt her at all, and just keep her hostage and all and put her into some flying prison castle. So then I got rescue her in a hot air balloon and save her and everything, then I'll look like the good guy and get married and shiz.


----------



## falling down

Well, I personally am not trying at all. But on SAS you can pretend to be whoever you want obviously. Some people here are really good at not being genuine and really good at masking and hiding their true selves. Pretending to be all super cute, nice guys that wuv cats and doggies, when really they are just attention and sex starved perverts not getting any attention away from the internet.


----------



## rymo

falling down said:


> Well, I personally am not trying at all. But on SAS you can pretend to be whoever you want obviously. Some people here are really good at not being genuine and really good at masking and hiding their true selves. Pretending to be all super cute, nice guys that wuv cats and doggies, when really they are just attention and sex starved perverts not getting any attention away from the internet.


----------



## bsd3355

falling down said:


> Well, I personally am not trying at all. But on SAS you can pretend to be whoever you want obviously. Some people here are really good at not being genuine and really good at masking and hiding their true selves. Pretending to be all super cute, nice guys that wuv cats and doggies, when really they are just attention and sex starved perverts not getting any attention away from the internet.


Yes, I like women and I like sex. Next.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yes, I like women and I like sex. Next.


me too, plus want that whole genuine love thing

not the kind a man and a woman just commit to because the time has come to get married and they settle

but real love

on another note, welcome back bwidger

On another note, the neighbor i went out with last week wont return my texts anymore. we had planned for a second date this weekend, guess that is not happening. You know i am usually very good company, but maybe she just didn't fancy me when we went out.

but you know Rymo wont agree with me on this, but i have adapted a philosophy on life. I think it comes from years of frustration, broken hearts, i know simply think

if you dont want me around fine, i have no problem taking you out of my existence.


----------



## ravens

I don't know how sex feels but I would love to find out. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm hornier now than I was when I was teenager.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I don't know how sex feels but I would love to find out. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm hornier now than I was when I was teenager.


go out and get some man

what exactly do you have to lose.


----------



## Ivan AG

What do you do when her profile on OK Cupid is kind of low content?

By low content I mean 1-2 word answers and some obscure books/music choices that I can't really relate to.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> What do you do when her profile on OK Cupid is kind of low content?
> 
> By low content I mean 1-2 word answers and some obscure books/music choices that I can't really relate to.


why cant you google what they are?


----------



## GroupHug

I'm taking small steps. Like instead of looking away when I noticed this girl looking at me, I maintained eye contact for a while. Oh man, the tension. 

I'm just afraid that if I open my mouth and say hi a turd will fall out.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> me too, plus want that whole genuine love thing
> 
> not the kind a man and a woman just commit to because the time has come to get married and they settle
> 
> but real love
> 
> on another note, welcome back bwidger
> 
> On another note, the neighbor i went out with last week wont return my texts anymore. we had planned for a second date this weekend, guess that is not happening. You know i am usually very good company, but maybe she just didn't fancy me when we went out.
> 
> but you know Rymo wont agree with me on this, but i have adapted a philosophy on life. I think it comes from years of frustration, broken hearts, i know simply think
> 
> if you dont want me around fine, i have no problem taking you out of my existence.


Flakes are normal as like rejection when putting yourself out there


----------



## Zeeshan

GroupHug said:


> I'm taking small steps. Like instead of looking away when I noticed this girl looking at me, I maintained eye contact for a while. Oh man, the tension.
> 
> I'm just afraid that if I open my mouth and say hi a turd will fall out.


Isnt eye contact awesome

its like, yea i am checking you out.


----------



## jsgt

Zeeshan said:


> Isnt eye contact awesome
> 
> its like, yea i am checking you out.


I've been putting a little more effort into this recently...and have gotten good response. It is awesome!


----------



## Zeeshan

jsgt said:


> I've been putting a little more effort into this recently...and have gotten good response. It is awesome!


surely is my man

nothing is attractive to a woman like a man who knows he deserves her

we deserve these things


----------



## Canucklehead

jsgt said:


> I've been putting a little more effort into this recently...and have gotten good response. It is awesome!


If I try to do it, I feel like it comes off as forced, and I'm giving a creepy stare or something. :um

I start thinking about stupid things, like what the correct interval of blinks is, and how far I should hold open my eyelids..


----------



## Zeeshan

Canucklehead said:


> If I try to do it, I feel like it comes off as forced, and I'm giving a creepy stare or something. :um
> 
> I start thinking about stupid things, like what the correct interval of blinks is, and how far I should hold open my eyelids..


when you look at her, just think about how beautiful she is, and the right expressions will come out

Believe me when i tell you this, its only in your mind that you feel this way

Anyhow, shame is a killer. If you want to be happy, get rid of shame


----------



## falling down

ravens said:


> I don't know how sex feels but I would love to find out. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm hornier now than I was when I was teenager.


Only If desperation is getting the better of you and you see no end in sight and are plain just tired from this no-sex cloud over your head and have no other options because your illness is preventing you, should you consider this.

nashville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/


----------



## pita

Oh, staring at girls in the street and then looking away when they catch me.

It's not working out as well as I'd thought.


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> Did you approach the women you were interested in?
> 
> Did they reject you?
> 
> Give us the info.


Well I didnt really see any women. 1 was married with her hubby. I dunno but social skills failed, chatted to them for a bit, they couldnt hear me too well....dunno if it was nerves but I guess i just speak quieter because if I talk louder it seems like im silly shouting. That was a blatant fail, n im after a relationship....not a quickie with some married woman.

Then in final pub met an old male mate, we sat n spoke, n I saw this older women who said to her mates that she was meeting this younger guy later for "fun". I think at that point I was too drunk n beer goggles set in. We eyed eachother up a few times n I left.

Literally didnt meet, see or speak to potential relationship material.

Had some drunken weird moments tho with me being an idiot. Dont have much money so im not gonna be on another search like that til late next week.

The girl from POF was out but not til 10pm n again she aint my type. I guess as I was drunk n low I threw her an inbox "line" on FB..... didnt go anywhere.

I did get home around 7pm.... So I guess in the day theres no chance n with women dressed up for halloween when they went out later that evening it reduces chances


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> So I did the approaching thing and the dating site thing, and after working at it for a long time I had success.


This is still something I just can't understand. How you managed to do that?
What was your thought process during that time? Did you approach groups of girls? Because they rarely can be approached alone, which is really scary for me. Having two or more pairs of eyes watching/judging you as you mumble something incoherent to them.

I have no problems with online dating sites anymore, but there are very very few girls on those sites, who I find attractive. I guess I'm rather picky and I don't want to approach a girl I don't find attractive, even if would help me "practice". It just wouldn't be fair to the girl.

I guess it's to my advantage, that I don't share the same definition of hotness as the majority, e.g. playmates or porn stars, which means less competition, but it's more difficult to find these kind of girls.

I also received a few positive opinions about my appearance on /r/amiugly, but my height and angry neutral face is making me look intimidating, which is something I can't backup with my character.


----------



## straightarrows

Spacefaring1 said:


> I was referring more to the people who refuse to have a female friend. If you have the opportunity, go for it. If it doesn't turn into a relationship, and she doesn't find you someone, at least you have another friend.
> 
> So you're a subscriber of the "f*** b******, get money" philosophy?
> 
> I've come to the conclusion that online dating is too difficult for guys who are not at the top in looks. I found it easier to find women in person. On OkCupid, they're all looking for the best looking people, and on POF, while there may be a lot more women, very few were my type.
> 
> You followed her. She probably believed you were a rapist. As Zeeshan said:


Love don't work!!... People don't love you for who you r!!, they love you for WHAT YOU OWN!!!!....... people don't remember your big Heart!! but they remember your big Wallet!!... this is life!! :no:no and u can't swimm against the WAVE!


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> This is still something I just can't understand. How you managed to do that?
> What was your thought process during that time? Did you approach groups of girls? Because they rarely can be approached alone, which is really scary for me. Having two or more pairs of eyes watching/judging you as you mumble something incoherent to them.
> 
> I have no problems with online dating sites anymore, but there are very very few girls on those sites, who I find attractive. I guess I'm rather picky and I don't want to approach a girl I don't find attractive, even if would help me "practice". It just wouldn't be fair to the girl.
> 
> I guess it's to my advantage, that I don't share the same definition of hotness as the majority, e.g. playmates or porn stars, which means less competition, but it's more difficult to find these kind of girls.
> 
> I also received a few positive opinions about my appearance on /r/amiugly, but my height and angry neutral face is making me look intimidating, which is something I can't backup with my character.


Yeh I'm not into the online dating thing anymore - you're right, there aren't many worthwhile people on there. Not to say you can't find someone amazing, but I feel like it's slim pickins. Whereas in the real world, there are soooo many girls.

How did I manage to approach girls? When you have been lonely and desperate for your whole life you tend to either give up and slip into lethargy, or you say **** it, I have nothing to lose, let's live or die trying. _That_ was my thought process. Approach girls, girls, and more girls and keep doing it until I find success. I did approach groups, although 95% of the time it was just a group of 2, so not an insane amount of pressure. But as I've said in other posts, I also armed myself with a lot of knowledge about how to approach and attract girls by watching approach videos and reading articles on the subject. If you have knowledge about what works, then you can be more confident putting it into practice. Not that I was confident _at all_ when I started this, but it helped to have some general guidelines and to watch other people and learn from them. This way, when I got rejected (which happened...sooooooo many times), I would be able to say to myself, "Okay, I have a general process. What did I do right, and what did I do wrong?" And next time I would change what I did wrong and improve upon it. And it got better the more and more I did it. Facing your fears, exposure, all that.

The thing is - a lot of guys can't handle the rejection. Totally understandable. But once you stop taking it personally and just realize it's part of the learning process, it become less painful. I did have a pretty hard time with it at first, I can't lie. But like I said, my attitude was one of extreme dedication - I WAS NOT going to give up. I was simply too sick of living my life in misery. I just kept fighting those awful feelings of rejection. And guess what? Just like all the articles and videos I watched said - it actually worked. I just had to not give up and finally believe in myself for once.


----------



## rymo

straightarrows said:


> Love don't work!!... People don't love you for who you r!!, they love you for WHAT YOU OWN!!!!....... people don't remember your big Heart!! but they remember your big Wallet!!... this is life!! :no:no and u can't swimm against the WAVE!


Then how the **** do so many poor people have husbands and wives?


----------



## pita

rymo said:


> Then how the **** do so many poor people have husbands and wives?


Ha! This is a very good point.


----------



## Rossy

Straightarrows make ssome very valid and true points.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> ... I also armed myself with a lot of knowledge about how to approach and attract girls by watching approach videos and reading articles on the subject.


Can you provide me with some examples?
Any tips what you would have done better in the beginning? Read a specific site, watch a specific video or just drink more beforehand etc.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Can you provide me with some examples?
> Any tips what you would have done better in the beginning? Read a specific site, watch a specific video or just drink more beforehand etc.


I was very rarely drunk while approaching, mostly because it takes a lot for me to get to that point and the $$$ I would have wasted would have been much more painful than any rejection.

Anyway, if I had known about SimplePickup when I started this that would have certainly benefited me back then. I'm subscribed to their Project Go site now and it's great - tons of videos on real life approaches in the day and at night, great analyses and advice, and none of that cheesy, fake PUA ****. They provide some general guidelines and more specific advice here and there but ultimately they just stress being yourself.

I would honestly just start there. There's a couple other links on the first post of this topic as well. As for what I was watching a year ago, mostly this guy: http://www.youtube.com/user/SucceedAtDating. Helpful, but don't expect the world. I subscribed to his site back then and there was almost no content, biggest waste of $$ ever. But there's enough on the Youtube channel to give you some motivation and advice for starting out.


----------



## bsd3355

^I have also subscribed. Very worthwhile information for the price. Daygame.com is another good source. The succeedatdating dude I think is fishy because if you listen to his videos a lot of the girls sound like they have mics on them, but his information is spot on at least


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Can you provide me with some examples?
> Any tips what you would have done better in the beginning? Read a specific site, watch a specific video or just drink more beforehand etc.


Work on your fears by just doing it. If you stick with it you instinctively find what works best for you usually. There is no one "right" way to meet women. What it boils down to is you going after what you want, learning indifference to the outcomes, and being persistent.


----------



## Zeeshan

Someone complimented on how social and extroverted i was

:blank

and she was serious


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Someone complimented on how social and extroverted i was
> 
> :blank
> 
> and she was serious


Haha, can't ever listen to what people say you are. Introverted, extroverted, most of it is perception because we are all these things when we want to be. "I try to be extroverted and I can't", that's because you are too hard on yourself


----------



## Ivan AG

Guys have any of you checked out Jad T. Jones's channel on YouTube?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Guys have any of you checked out Jad T. Jones's channel on YouTube?


Yup. Subscribed. Passionate dude


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Yup. Subscribed. Passionate dude


The man is a beast. You can tell he really dedicated most of his life to this.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> The man is a beast. You can tell he really dedicated most of his life to this.


 :blank most of his life


----------



## bsd3355

Approached a girl at walmart a couple hours ago. Was looking for an energy drink and she almost hit me with her cart so I turned around, found her in another isle and was halfway done asking her where the energy drinks were when I realized that was lame and just said she looks pretty (or something, I can't quite remember). She was nice and the conversation was decent but when I asked for her number she declined.

Today is my day off and I'd rather meet girls than sit at my house and play on the computer all day so my plan was to approach 10 today but had to be more creative since it is a sunday and school isn't as busy. Later went to local university and approached a couple girls but wasn't direct so it didn't mean anything. Only approached 1 girl today. Definitely not anywhere near I need to be doing, but used the cold rainy weather as an excuse.

Going to give it a go again tomorrow before I head to class. It'll probably be extremely cold and rainy like it was today tomorrow but I have an idea of how I can approach more girls without being in the same building and looking weird. Will see how it goes. _Need to approach more when I go out or months will go by without any real results._


----------



## evginmubutu

my problem is actually getting the opportunity to meet people. the girl i am seeing socially is someone that is going out with my friend and she is off limits. i just can't bring myself to approach a girl randomly in public it seems like she would be so off-put by it, a random guy coming up to you who would like that?


----------



## bsd3355

evginmubutu said:


> my problem is actually getting the opportunity to meet people. the girl i am seeing socially is someone that is going out with my friend and she is off limits. i just can't bring myself to approach a girl randomly in public it seems like she would be so off-put by it, a random guy coming up to you who would like that?


When you really think about it, when you meet someone new you are doing it as a stranger. You don't have to approach girls on the street or in stores, but I think the only reason why it is "strange" to society is because it isn't the norm for most people. You also don't even have to go direct. You can literally start up a conversation with a girl about anything and still transition it into a date or a phone number. To think you run up to a girl on the street and say "you are absolutely gorgeous!" is a high-risk approach, but isn't really needed. If you sit down and really think you will find probably at least 10 or more ways you could meet girls that is comfortable to _you_--because what it really comes down to is how it is comfortable and normal to _you_. In reality, it shouldn't be weird to want to date women you've just met, but it is for a lot of people depending on the context.


----------



## Zeeshan

" To think you run up to a girl on the street and say "you are absolutely gorgeous!" is a high-risk approach, but isn't really needed."

OMG thank you for the most perfect line

can i add

"you are absolutely gorgeous, i am in love with you"

This requires balls


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> When you really think about it, when you meet someone new you are doing it as a stranger. You don't have to approach girls on the street or in stores, but I think the only reason why it is "strange" to society is because it isn't the norm for most people. You also don't even have to go direct. You can literally start up a conversation with a girl about anything and still transition it into a date or a phone number. To think you run up to a girl on the street and say "you are absolutely gorgeous!" is a high-risk approach, but isn't really needed. If you sit down and really think you will find probably at least 10 or more ways you could meet girls that is comfortable to _you_--because what it really comes down to is how it is comfortable and normal to _you_. In reality, it shouldn't be weird to want to date women you've just met, but it is for a lot of people depending on the context.


Also, you can't please everyone so it's OK if a girl doesn't want to be talked to. No big deal. You will never please everyone when there is a potential of different interests, and that's normal. But what is the alternative? The alternative, in my opinion, is much much worse.


----------



## evginmubutu

the alternative is me wanting to go jump in the river while it is -3C outside. i have attracted nothing on online dating sites and the people i know in real life all have relationships of their own and only see me and spend time with me because they feel sorry for me (i know this). i mean i know it sounds morbid but i really feel like their is nothing for me and i'm getting very depressed. very selfish isn't it? to be only concerned about yourself.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Also, you can't please everyone so it's OK if a girl doesn't want to be talked to. No big deal. You will never please everyone when there is a potential of different interests, and that's normal. But what is the alternative? The alternative, in my opinion, is much much worse.


it all really ties into shame we are thought as babies. Not fear. People are thought that its out of fear, its not, its shame.

When men fear of rejection, its not out of loss, its out of what people will think that a female rejected them. Overcome shame not fear.

Start being proud of your desires, they are natural. Stop whacking off to pictures its not natural. Start acting more like a man, telling people instead of asking, command attention, demand compliance, become entitles to your manly rights.

And success of all kinds is a doorway away.

Become shameless of your desires.


----------



## Zeeshan

this works, if you cant spend 5 minutes to watch how you can feel more confident, this works, i now do it all the time, i feel amazing

direct
powerful
aggressive


----------



## bsd3355

evginmubutu said:


> the alternative is me wanting to go jump in the river while it is -3C outside. i have attracted nothing on online dating sites and the people i know in real life all have relationships of their own and only see me and spend time with me because they feel sorry for me (i know this). i mean i know it sounds morbid but i really feel like their is nothing for me and i'm getting very depressed. very selfish isn't it? to be only concerned about yourself.


Being selfish is a normal human tendency; it's a normal tendency of anything and everything organic. What isn't normal is telling yourself that you are wrong for wanting things that might bring fulfillment into your life. Granted, fulfillment qualifies as different things for different people.

In my experience, the alternative is waiting and wishing for the perfect opportunity to arise to meet someone, which is so random and complicated from the start that when you actually do meet someone you have no experience of how to transition it romantically that it'll vanish before your eyes. People lose hope because, believe it or not, they think this is the most acceptable way to meet someone, which is ludicrous. They put all there hopes on online dating or through friends or special instances where either the competition is extremely high or it is so far and in-between and random is becomes harder than expected.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Become shameless of your desires.


This pretty much wraps it all up


----------



## rymo

evginmubutu said:


> the alternative is me wanting to go jump in the river while it is -3C outside. i have attracted nothing on online dating sites and the people i know in real life all have relationships of their own and only see me and spend time with me because they feel sorry for me (i know this). i mean i know it sounds morbid but i really feel like their is nothing for me and i'm getting very depressed. very selfish isn't it? to be only concerned about yourself.


When you're miserable it's very, very difficult to care about others. Only when you're happy can you spread that happiness around. So work on it man. Use that desperation and frustration and channel it into something positive.


----------



## anomalous

God, the whole PUA culture and everything even tangentially related to it just puts me off so much. I'm not slamming you guys who enjoy it, but it's sure as hell not for me. Try as I might, I cannot make myself view girls as the subject of a sport. And it's not out of some misplaced sense of respect or morality; it's just too complex and time-consuming for my tastes. I don't want to play the numbers game or approach 15 women per week, because a huge majority of them won't be compatible or worth my time, even if they were interested by some miracle.


----------



## bsd3355

anomalous said:


> God, the whole PUA culture and everything even tangentially related to it just puts me off so much. I'm not slamming you guys who enjoy it, but it's sure as hell not for me. Try as I might, I cannot make myself view girls as the subject of a sport. And it's not out of some misplaced sense of respect or morality; it's just too complex and time-consuming for my tastes. I don't want to play the numbers game or approach 15 women per week, because a huge majority of them won't be compatible or worth my time, even if they were interested by some miracle.


Your interests are different, and that's fine. But I don't view dating as a sport. A hobby, maybe. For me it is much more encompassing than meeting as much girls as possible. There are a lot of things I still haven't done that I'd like to do. To even get to a point in my life to where I can actually do these things I need to experience and do more which is why I'm so focused on this part of my life. Different strokes for different folks. There is a lot of reward in it for me way, way beyond sex.


----------



## pete24

Im starting to feel today my luck is all out, 

Online dating (about 7 sites) - Messaged every single girl I like that lives locally or somewhere I can easily get to. Either had no reply or spoke for a while before they stopped replying. Can only check every day and hope new girls in my area join.

Offline - Literally nowhere to meet people. Town is small, there is a college quite a walk away but I think 90% of the women there will be too young for me and doesnt seem a good idea to hang around colleges when I got no reason to be there. 

Pubs are the only place for me to meet people, I only go in the day and girls are always in mixed groups with guys. At night I dont go out because I have no friends so end up out on my own, drink more alcohol for confidence as theres more people out and end up being too drunk.

I dont even feel like I have anymore hobbys anymore... Just going on the computer, eating, smoking, drinking, sleeping


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> this works, if you cant spend 5 minutes to watch how you can feel more confident, this works, i now do it all the time, i feel amazing
> 
> direct
> powerful
> aggressive


Ugh, that woman.

I still can't quite swallow the idea of "fake it till you make it".

All this power posturing just seems so wrong.

I've invested in CBT and will stick by it for a long time.


----------



## rymo

More guys making bad excuses for not trying.


----------



## falling down

Not trying what? To be a player?


----------



## rymo

falling down said:


> Not trying what? To be a player?


Talk to girls. What that has to do with being a player, I have no idea.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Im starting to feel today my luck is all out,
> 
> Online dating (about 7 sites) - Messaged every single girl I like that lives locally or somewhere I can easily get to. Either had no reply or spoke for a while before they stopped replying. Can only check every day and hope new girls in my area join.
> 
> Offline - Literally nowhere to meet people. Town is small, there is a college quite a walk away but I think 90% of the women there will be too young for me and doesnt seem a good idea to hang around colleges when I got no reason to be there.
> 
> Pubs are the only place for me to meet people, I only go in the day and girls are always in mixed groups with guys. At night I dont go out because I have no friends so end up out on my own, drink more alcohol for confidence as theres more people out and end up being too drunk.
> 
> I dont even feel like I have anymore hobbys anymore... Just going on the computer, eating, smoking, drinking, sleeping


I can relate to this. Online has always been horrible for me. My town is also smaller and I face the same obstacles when it comes to bars--I don't even like bars for the most part. I'm fairly older when it comes to universities as well. This is probably one of the most challenging things I've been faced with. But most guys who want to meet women are in our same situation. A lot of the stuff you see from guys on youtube are from big cities like NYC or London, LA, etc. I think when it comes to our situation you have to be more creative, but it is still very possible.

There are a few limiting beliefs that I get from your post (age differences, being somewhere you wouldn't be if it wasn't for meeting girls, groups in bars, going solo, where to meet girls, etc).

Groups in bars: 
you simply approach the group and talk to the group and find out if she's single or not or with a guy in the group and if she's not then proceed as normal with trying to meet the girl. Just ask if they are together. No big deal.

Going solo: 
bars are all about business so they don't care if you come alone. The other people don't care if you are by yourself or not either. All that is in your head. Approach as normal. If you are there to meet women then who says you have to really have the most optimal fun? But if you want fun then just talk to people or go to a bar that has sports on tv or something. Just chill back and talk to people.

Universities:
this goes hand-in-hand with age stigmas as well as feeling out of place. this is also all in your head. no one knows you are there to meet girls. and even if they do, so what. the age thing is something you'll deal with regardless of where you are so universities aren't really that much different. some girls don't like older guys; some do. go to the places that present the most opportunity.

How old are you? If you live near a college then that alone is a good place to meet women.


----------



## Ivan AG

**** dating sites.

**** them.

I put good effort in taking pictures and trying to be open and funny. GOOD ****ING EFFORT. I took all those stupid little retarded tests about "Do you prefer vanilla or chocolate? What kind of sex do you like? How many brain cells do you lose when you read our questions?" etc.

No one answers. It's like a ****ing wall with no feedback involved. Zero learning experience.

Was I too forward? Was I too boring? Too eager? How can I improve?

I can't, because not a single female says anything on that site.

I'm so pissed right now.


----------



## evginmubutu

I am going out tonight with a few friends lets see what happens eh


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> **** dating sites.
> 
> **** them.
> 
> I put good effort in taking pictures and trying to be open and funny. GOOD ****ING EFFORT. I took all those stupid little retarded tests about "Do you prefer vanilla or chocolate? What kind of sex do you like? How many brain cells do you lose when you read our questions?" etc.
> 
> No one answers. It's like a ****ing wall with no feedback involved. Zero learning experience.
> 
> Was I too forward? Was I too boring? Too eager? How can I improve?
> 
> I can't, because not a single female says anything on that site.
> 
> I'm so pissed right now.


Link to your profile?


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Link to your profile?


Hell no, I'm too embarrassed to post that crap on here.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Hell no, I'm too embarrassed to post that crap on here.


If your profile is THAT embarrassing, why would you expect girls to respond to it? Maybe it needs work, and we can give you advice.


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> If your profile is THAT embarrassing, why would you expect girls to respond to it? Maybe it needs work, and we can give you advice.


I have SAD. Why the hell would you expect that I WON'T be embarrassed or ashamed about anything that deals with me?

Anyhow, I've seen your contempt for other wannabee "players". Spitting their "weak game" and all that....


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> I have SAD. Why the hell would you expect that I WON'T be embarrassed or ashamed about anything that deals with me?
> 
> Anyhow, I've seen your contempt for other wannabee "players". Spitting their "weak game" and all that....


I'm not saying you shouldn't be embarrassed, but this thread is about overcoming that kind of stuff. The only way to do that is by pushing through your fears. Just look at that guy squall, he posted an entire thread asking people for his opinions on his profile. That was majorly impressive, and guess what? He is coming out the other side with a new and improved perspective on his profile and himself.

As for my contempt, yes - you nailed it right on the head. I hate everyone who tries - in fact I made this thread and have given hundreds of posts of advice in it just to bring everyone else down and make myself look better.


----------



## pete24

Thanks for the reply Bwidger. Theres no university's anywhere near here, but the problem with the college is its designed for teens aged 16-18. Im 26 so probably women that are are a bit too young. 

I feel often that my confidence levels of approaching women is down to an all time low. Like I get really nervous even with something that isnt half as bad like seeing the DR or Dentist. 

In the past I either relied on online dating to get a girlfriend (every time in the past wasnt as bad, since I would contact women and get with 1. But now iv exhausted that possibility as all women I could meet have been contacted) or on the 2 occasions I have met someone not online its been in a quiet pub/club in town whilst drunk but it doesnt exist anymore..... So its harder adapting to something I havent done before.

Alcohol is a social substance. The main benefits are the happy, confident feelings it makes you feel which are designed to have fun with friends. Realistically who goes to the pub on their own in the day to sink 6 or 7 pints? Old men. Apart from old men drinking on their own its filled with couples and small groups of friends. People can easily see me and think im a young guy, I should be working, doing social things or better things other than being sat in the pub for 5 hours on my own during the day. 

Its a big step up for me, apart from the 2 women I met in real life first, every girl I have been in a relationship with was from online dating where I knew they were single and we got to know each other online a fair bit before meeting.

Wouldnt you see it as weird though? You meet up with 2 of your male friends and 2 female friends. You plan to pop down the pub for a pint and a meal before heading off to do shopping, then this guy invites himself over, sits down, you cant carry on talking about the people you were talking about because this guy doesnt know them, then when your meals come over and your trying to eat, the guy is trying to find out if 1 of your female friends is single and interested in him :/


----------



## lysergic

Stalking OKC like a creepster. The ladies just don't seem to fancy me


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Thanks for the reply Bwidger. Theres no university's anywhere near here, but the problem with the college is its designed for teens aged 16-18. Im 26 so probably women that are are a bit too young.
> 
> I feel often that my confidence levels of approaching women is down to an all time low. Like I get really nervous even with something that isnt half as bad like seeing the DR or Dentist.
> 
> In the past I either relied on online dating to get a girlfriend (every time in the past wasnt as bad, since I would contact women and get with 1. But now iv exhausted that possibility as all women I could meet have been contacted) or on the 2 occasions I have met someone not online its been in a quiet pub/club in town whilst drunk but it doesnt exist anymore..... So its harder adapting to something I havent done before.
> 
> Alcohol is a social substance. The main benefits are the happy, confident feelings it makes you feel which are designed to have fun with friends. Realistically who goes to the pub on their own in the day to sink 6 or 7 pints? Old men. Apart from old men drinking on their own its filled with couples and small groups of friends. People can easily see me and think im a young guy, I should be working, doing social things or better things other than being sat in the pub for 5 hours on my own during the day.
> 
> Its a big step up for me, apart from the 2 women I met in real life first, every girl I have been in a relationship with was from online dating where I knew they were single and we got to know each other online a fair bit before meeting.
> 
> Wouldnt you see it as weird though? You meet up with 2 of your male friends and 2 female friends. You plan to pop down the pub for a pint and a meal before heading off to do shopping, then this guy invites himself over, sits down, you cant carry on talking about the people you were talking about because this guy doesnt know them, then when your meals come over and your trying to eat, the guy is trying to find out if 1 of your female friends is single and interested in him :/


To be honest, that depends on the situation. If the bar is like a diner then it'll be awkward where people don't really talk to other people, then yes, that will be awkward. However, if the bars you go to are loud, filled with music and more party-like environments, then it'll be more normal to approach and mingle. Go to bars that have lots of people partying or mingling getting drunk and having fun. If you go to a bar that is like a diner then you might as well go meet girls at applebees. The bars I go to are college bars with loud music, girls dressed to impress and a whole **** ton of people socializing. That is very different from a diner bar during the day where families and friends go to "catch up". There are plenty of party bars to attend that encourage mingling. Focus on those kind of bars. Dance clubs are a perfect example of a social environment that is more suitable for interacting with tons of people because everyone is dressed up to have fun and enjoy the night and so most people are open to meet other people. Going solo and mingling in those types of environments aren't bad and people see you as a social person. When you approach a group of people (girls and guys) in a more "party-like" bar then you just look like you want to socialize and have fun and people won't really question it.

Sucks about the college situation though. There are still ways though. I prefer places with lots of girls because then I don't have to spend all day looking. Stores are an example of places where it'd take you all day to approach a certain amount of girls, which isn't really worth it to me. If I go to stores then I plan a few really busy stores and expect to approach no more than five girls that day (typically) going to different stores. Malls are good places to meet more than a few women during the day if the mall is big enough and busy enough. I get frustrated when I only approach a few girls a week because I know it'll take me forever to meet someone that way.


----------



## pete24

Thanks mate...

Ahh yea, thought you meant the daytime, because pretty much the only time I go to a pub (middle of the day) is when theres no party atmosphere and most people go in for a casual meal.

I could go out later on... night time. Im not much of a party guy myself anymore, iv been there and done that. I wouldnt be too happy with a clubbing girl as its not me anymore. Plus look at all the idiot guys that go out. Could be out with a girlfriend, watching all sorts of guys try it on with her even if they knew shes taken, whilst trust would be there it would be hard to see it happen.

The other problem is going to a club to start with. Of course it would be by myself as I have no friends, but because clubs are overflowing with people I would have to drink to not be a nervous wreck, end up drinking too much, being too wasted and end up waking up to nothing apart from a sore head and embarrassment. Also im an easy target if out on my own, when I used to go out on my own I had been punched or had trouble a few times.

 I know. I think the last time I actually approached a girl was 8 years ago, that was 1 of my girlfriends I met in a club



Edit: Another thing I wondered for the guys on POF.... How many people have clicked "meet you"? Iv only had 16


----------



## Brandeezy

pete24 said:


> Thanks mate...
> 
> Ahh yea, thought you meant the daytime, because pretty much the only time I go to a pub (middle of the day) is when theres no party atmosphere and most people go in for a casual meal.
> 
> I could go out later on... night time. Im not much of a party guy myself anymore, iv been there and done that. I wouldnt be too happy with a clubbing girl as its not me anymore. Plus look at all the idiot guys that go out. Could be out with a girlfriend, watching all sorts of guys try it on with her even if they knew shes taken, whilst trust would be there it would be hard to see it happen.
> 
> The other problem is going to a club to start with. Of course it would be by myself as I have no friends, but because clubs are overflowing with people I would have to drink to not be a nervous wreck, end up drinking too much, being too wasted and end up waking up to nothing apart from a sore head and embarrassment. Also im an easy target if out on my own, when I used to go out on my own I had been punched or had trouble a few times.
> 
> I know. I think the last time I actually approached a girl was 8 years ago, that was 1 of my girlfriends I met in a club
> 
> *
> Edit: Another thing I wondered for the guys on POF.... How many people have clicked "meet you"? Iv only had 16*


2 surprisingly


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> 2 surprisingly


Thats 1 more then me.

But on the other hand, i did have a few women message me first. Only two of them were not fat

Im off of POF now though,


----------



## ravens

I don't mind if she's a little overweight. I know how tough it is to lose weight. There was a girl that I saw last year that was probably in her late 20's that was a little overweight. She was very cute but I never talked to her though.


----------



## pete24

Yea I dont mind fatter women, I really dont like thin women, was with 2 in the past and it honestly was like kissing a skeleton... but they liked being thin.

If the woman is super fat so its blatantly obvious she needs to try and lose weight then they are not for me. 

Ideally a size 14 or so will be ok for me


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I don't mind if she's a little overweight. I know how tough it is to lose weight. There was a girl that I saw last year that was probably in her late 20's that was a little overweight. She was very cute but I never talked to her though.


Ok, so when exactly were you planning to take some actions


----------



## Milco

rymo said:


> Then how the **** do so many poor people have husbands and wives?


It is of course never a case of "nobody" wanting to marry somebody poor or unemployed, but the data and statistics do have a quite clear message.

25% of men aged 40 do not have children, and low social status is the primary cause of why they have not been chosen.
For women it is 17%, but interestingly the childless women are primarily highly educated and with high social status, suggesting they have simply favoured career.

In a Danish study published today, it is shown that 90% of the upper class men live with a partner, while only 40% of the lower class men do.
For women, the numbers are about 75% for upper, middle and working classes, and about 60% for lower class.
(Lower class in this study means out of work for 4/5ths or more of the year).

What can be seen from the report is that, while men do still find partners from lower social layers more often than women do, it is less so than in the past and people now very much find partners in the same social layer as themselves.

I'll link source even though it's in Danish:
http://ae.dk/files/AE_danskerne-gifter-sig-med-folk-i-samme-sociale-klasse.pdf


----------



## bsd3355

2 numbers today from campus. Rainy and cold!


----------



## pete24

Good effort mate . I had some sorta luck too today...

Well speaking to 1 girl on a dating site. Spoke to 1 on POF but drifted and she stopped replying. Theres 1 who iv been talking to all day (no idea if it will progress). 2 who just read and deleted my messages and another who just replied to me but im stuck as to what I can put.

My usual line is saying something relating to their status, then it would be great to find out some more about them... this girl replied saying "That would be nice, what do you want to know?" im stuck

Edit:

Oh and I did get in touch with this girl I knew, added her on FB. Knew her from primary school but havent spoke in over 15 years. I remember us both being 8 and she was the first girl I kissed, in fact as I remember it we both intentionally saw each other naked at that age too. Shes got 2 kids now, is single...im probably not interested in a relationship with her though, but we can become friends, she may introduce me to her female friends, who knows


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> 2 numbers today from campus. Rainy and cold!


The amount of numbers you pull is amazing - that's why I find it strange that you say I've cut down the learning curve. I am definitely not at that level yet - in fact I haven't found many opportunities to approach during the day yet.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> The amount of numbers you pull is amazing - that's why I find it strange that you say I've cut down the learning curve. I am definitely not at that level yet - in fact I haven't found many opportunities to approach during the day yet.


Your progress is extremely fast. It took me months before i could even get a number from a bar, let alone a make out. I dont push for make outs though. Im more interested in getting contact information. Also, the way your internally pretty solid says a lot. That is the hardest part. I think a spent a good chunk of my time finding what works best for me in what instances as ive tried different places and things. I think the best position is somewhere with lots of girls where you feel natural at. I do think if i continue doing what im doing my dating life will finally start taking off. Find somewhere that isnt too taxing on you with lots of girls and you'll be in a good position. Hitting up stores is a pot shot unless you can approach a lot there in my opinion


----------



## srschirm

BWIDGER siting!!


----------



## NoHeart

I'm not trying to ''get'' anything.


----------



## pete24

Think I had a triple fail. Both other women that were chatting to me have now stopped, even though they have been online several times since. Shame as 1 of them I had a lot in common with. Typical story though, you get in quick and message a new member, think your getting somewhere, then an hour later they find someone they think is better and stop contact.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Think I had a triple fail. Both other women that were chatting to me have now stopped, even though they have been online several times since. Shame as 1 of them I had a lot in common with. Typical story though, you get in quick and message a new member, think your getting somewhere, then an hour later they find someone they think is better and stop contact.


Very common, especially online. Happens to everyone.


----------



## Canucklehead

Alright so here's my thing. I don't like going after multiple girls at the same time, as I don't really have that kind of attention span. I keep hearing about you guys getting multiple numbers in one day, and macking on multiple girls at the same time, but that feels kind of foreign to me.

What I do is focus on one girl, see if it goes anywhere, then move onto the next if it doesn't work out. I don't think I'd be able to juggle multiple chicks at the same time, and would feel like a sleaze ball for doing it.

Sure, this limits my options, but I just can't bring myself to do it.


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Alright so here's my thing. I don't like going after multiple girls at the same time, as I don't really have that kind of attention span. I keep hearing about you guys getting multiple numbers in one day, and macking on multiple girls at the same time, but that feels kind of foreign to me.
> 
> What I do is focus on one girl, see if it goes anywhere, then move onto the next if it doesn't work out.


That's really honorable, and once it gets to a certain level, I do that same thing. But early on, I try not to put my eggs in one basket, because of the flake potential.


----------



## pete24

Depends where, In real life thats how I always act, like if I start having dates with 1 girl, I dont look anywhere else until I know if we are going to form a relationship or not. Hopefully she acts the same

Online though its different, like I would find it hard to believe that women on dating sites would act that way. Instead they will tend to talk to lots of guys (10+) and by process of elimination, slowly eliminate guys until they decide who they will meet. You could talk to 20 women online and chances are only 1 or 2 would meet you when it came to the crunch, so the only way online is to talk to loads of women at the same time


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> That's really honorable, and once it gets to a certain level, I do that same thing. But early on, I try not to put my eggs in one basket, because of the flake potential.


As soon as I'm 100% certain that I'm friend zoned, or that she isn't interested I'll explore other options, the hard part is figuring out if I'm friend zoned.

I usually figure this out when they start mentioning other guys they are interested in, so I get strung along for far longer than I should be. Also, a lot of it probably has to do with the way in which I approach chicks, I come at it friendly and I'm not exactly overt about my interest in them; though I do try and drop hints here and there. Most of the time they don't take the hint though.

I might be going about it the wrong way, I don't know. I feel like if they get to know me a bit first, they might not be so quick to reject me when I do make a move. Is this a good strategy, or is it better to just be up front?

Keep in mind, I'm looking for someone to start a relationship with, not to just bang as many chicks as possible.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I decided to go on Okcupid and message as many girls in my area as possible.
I'm lonely and desperate, so I figured I'll just take whatever I can get.
We'll see what happens.


----------



## bsd3355

Canucklehead said:


> Alright so here's my thing. I don't like going after multiple girls at the same time, as I don't really have that kind of attention span. I keep hearing about you guys getting multiple numbers in one day, and macking on multiple girls at the same time, but that feels kind of foreign to me.
> 
> What I do is focus on one girl, see if it goes anywhere, then move onto the next if it doesn't work out. I don't think I'd be able to juggle multiple chicks at the same time, and would feel like a sleaze ball for doing it.
> 
> Sure, this limits my options, but I just can't bring myself to do it.


The only reason i do it is because flake rate. I also do it because i dont want to spend all week everyday going out. Ideally flakes go down but until that happens..

I also wouldnt assume the guys here are "banging lots of chicks" most guys here are trying to find what works and get over their fears, so am i

Btw, do you not think girls date.multiple guys until they find someone they really like? Dont kid yourself. To me, this is logical


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> As soon as I'm 100% certain that I'm friend zoned, or that she isn't interested I'll explore other options, the hard part is figuring out if I'm friend zoned.
> 
> I usually figure this out when they start mentioning other guys they are interested in, so I get strung along for far longer than I should be. Also, a lot of it probably has to do with the way in which I approach chicks, I come at it friendly and I'm not exactly overt about my interest in them; though I do try and drop hints here and there. Most of the time they don't take the hint though.
> 
> I might be going about it the wrong way, I don't know. I feel like if they get to know me a bit first, they might not be so quick to reject me when I do make a move. Is this a good strategy, or is it better to just be up front?
> 
> Keep in mind, I'm looking for someone to start a relationship with, not to just bang as many chicks as possible.


We're very similar in this regard. I don't really let my intentions be known right away...I try not to "come on too strongly." I drop hints but sometimes (usually) that doesn't give you too many answers as to her interest in you, just like you say.

It would probably pay for us to be a little more direct.


----------



## Ivan AG

Does anyone else feel like online dating is just a safety mechanism to avoid approaching in real life?

When I'm messaging women, a little voice tell me "Yeah, you're messaging cause you could never approach them in real life".

Dunno, I might just stop the online messaging for a while and try getting into day game.

Easier said than done, of course....


----------



## srschirm

Ivan AG said:


> Does anyone else feel like online dating is just a safety mechanism to avoid approaching in real life?
> 
> When I'm messaging women, a little voice tell me "Yeah, you're messaging cause you could never approach them in real life".
> 
> Dunno, I might just stop the online messaging for a while and try getting into day game.
> 
> Easier said than done, of course....


It's easier for most, but I have landed dates, so it's not like nothing's happening for me.


----------



## Ivan AG

srschirm said:


> It's easier for most, but I have landed dates, so it's not like nothing's happening for me.


Do you use several sites for best results?

I'm going to make a profile on match and POF today in hopes of increasing my chances.


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> Does anyone else feel like online dating is just a safety mechanism to avoid approaching in real life?
> 
> When I'm messaging women, a little voice tell me "Yeah, you're messaging cause you could never approach them in real life".
> 
> Dunno, I might just stop the online messaging for a while and try getting into day game.
> 
> Easier said than done, of course....


I dont know, the thing I prefer to online dating is theres less if's and buts.

Lets say you randomly go up to someone in real life, they may be taken, and even if theyre not, you gradually find out more about them over a few dates, there may me a lot of nono's, like they have kids, only just finished with an ex and have insecuritys, they may not be the sort of person you thought they would be when you 1st saw them.

Online theres so many other ways to find out. You get chatting to a girl, decide after a few weeks to add eachother on facebook. Already you will know the same about about them by that point as you would if you had met them in real life and had a date.

Then once your on facebook with them, you get to find out things from their profile that you may not find out until many real life dates later.

In theory online dating is a lot better than real life dating imo. If things are done correctly, you will know them the same amount as if you had several real life dates with them... without the cost or nerves. Then eventually you can decide if they are worth meeting or not


----------



## rymo

Canucklehead said:


> As soon as I'm 100% certain that I'm friend zoned, or that she isn't interested I'll explore other options, the hard part is figuring out if I'm friend zoned.
> 
> I usually figure this out when they start mentioning other guys they are interested in, so I get strung along for far longer than I should be. Also, a lot of it probably has to do with the way in which I approach chicks, I come at it friendly and I'm not exactly overt about my interest in them; though I do try and drop hints here and there. Most of the time they don't take the hint though.
> 
> I might be going about it the wrong way, I don't know. I feel like if they get to know me a bit first, they might not be so quick to reject me when I do make a move. Is this a good strategy, or is it better to just be up front?
> 
> Keep in mind, I'm looking for someone to start a relationship with, not to just bang as many chicks as possible.


I'm also looking for "the one", but it's hard as hell to find that girl who really completes you. That's why my outlook is to talk to as many girls as possible so I can truly find out what I like and so I don't get stuck with someone who isn't right for me in the long term. It's precisely that I take relationships so seriously that I talk to as many woken as possible. Though yes, as an added bonus it's nice to get sex while you are searching for the one.


----------



## squall78

Regarding online dating.

Don't get too upset if you send messages and get no replies. OK..... I got a bit frustrated (as anyone would if you put time and effort into crafting messages), but I moved on and regrouped. Once you take into account how skewed the game is you have to put in a lot of volume to succeed. Better looking pictures and better crafted profiles can get you a higher return ratio. Its even said that your profile should attract a certain type of girl and make the others move on. If you're trying to please everyone it won't work out.

I'm up to 50 messages sent and no returns. I'm switching it up by writing a modified profile, and adding better pictures. Once I do this I'll definitely try more, and report it in my thread about online dating. I wanna do this for myself, and to show people on this forum that by making yourself uncomfortable a bit you can reap big rewards. At least that's what the military taught me.

One thing that kinda made me mad about the inequality in dating sites: all of a sudden a member here messaged me saying they are attempting okc, and SHE is already flooded with guys texting her! I found that to be a frustrating but funny example what we guys go through on okc.


----------



## pete24

Yea, A year ago it wasnt that difficult online. Obviously with online dating that long ago it was often seen as sad and the only people you would find there are people who are desperate or havent had a relationship for years. Even though its always been more men than women, women had less choice.

Now its changed, I look down lists of profiles now and see "wants to date but nothing serious". More people heard online dating works and so join. A year back the guys on it were not mostly "hot", cocky players who are there primarily for 1 thing but can blag to get a woman.... sadly it is now though.

Sure there is still hope, Id love to see someone here say now or in the future that they pulled, dated someone from the site they genuinely fancied and are happy with


----------



## Ivan AG

First messages are the hardest.

I try not to say anything about her physical appearance cause I'm sure 90% of the messages have that as their main content.

I usually try to pick out something interesting from the profile and go from there but even that doesn't get any replies.


----------



## Zeeshan

If you want to be successful online, this is the best strategy

Think about what you want to say, make it perfect.....

Then say the exact opposite = Guaranteed higher return rate


----------



## bsd3355

Rejection (audio blog from simplepickup)

__
https://soundcloud.com/bkw11%2Frejection


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> First messages are the hardest.
> 
> I try not to say anything about her physical appearance cause I'm sure 90% of the messages have that as their main content.
> 
> I usually try to pick out something interesting from the profile and go from there but even that doesn't get any replies.


The thing with a lot of their profiles nowadays is a lot of women rush them. They dont need a well thought out, long profile to get a message. So some of the time there may not be anything to comment on.

Keep trying though mate, something will work out


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I messaged about 30 girls on Okcupid while they were online.

I didn't get a single reply


----------



## AussiePea

I think I am being cheated by Eharmony or something, in the first 2 months on the site I had interested often, usually once every 2 days someone would send a wink or reply to mine and I would be actively chatting to 2 or so girls at a time. Since I entered my last month of subscription I have had zero, not a peep in 3 weeks and it's still fresh faces I am being matched with so not as if it's due to running out of new people plus my profile is still the same. Oh I am suss mr Harmony, so suss -_-


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> I think I am being cheated by Eharmony or something, in the first 2 months on the site I had interested often, usually once every 2 days someone would send a wink or reply to mine and I would be actively chatting to 2 or so girls at a time. Since I entered my last month of subscription I have had zero, not a peep in 3 weeks and it's still fresh faces I am being matched with so not as if it's due to running out of new people plus my profile is still the same. Oh I am suss mr Harmony, so suss -_-


not surprised


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> The thing with a lot of their profiles nowadays is a lot of women rush them. They dont need a well thought out, long profile to get a message. So some of the time there may not be anything to comment on.
> 
> Keep trying though mate, something will work out


Some girls just say "Oh yeah I like to go shopping and do my makeup,etc." and that's basically the CORE of their profile.

I mean they just sat down and wrote that crap in 5 minutes.

How am I supposed to extrapolate from that?

"Oh yeah, I kind of like getting my nails and hair done as well. Which hair stylist do you go to?"

:blank


----------



## pete24

I remember pof used to have a thing where you could write a title for your message and I always put something like "You wont know until you open it..." quite a few liked that and commented on it when they replied.

I get a bit stumped though in intro messages, think I said earlier, mine consists of asking how their week/weekend has been, then saying they sound like someone you would like to chat to and find out more about them.


----------



## squall78

Yeah openers are tough. Especially when you're doing loads of them to up your chances of a reply.


----------



## Ivan AG

I just read that blog rymo posted about a woman's perspective on dating and I'm so effing confused right now because some of it contradicts the advice I get from other guys.

I'll make a thread on this tomorrow when I can think properly. (it's 3 AM)


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I remember pof used to have a thing where you could write a title for your message and I always put something like "You wont know until you open it..." quite a few liked that and commented on it when they replied.
> 
> I get a bit stumped though in intro messages, think I said earlier, mine consists of asking how their week/weekend has been, then saying they sound like someone you would like to chat to and find out more about them.


I bet warning messages also work

Subject: Surprise

Message:

If you dont reply, you will miss out on the love of your life.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> I bet warning messages also work
> 
> Subject: Surprise
> 
> Message:
> 
> If you dont reply, you will miss out on the love of your life.


Perhaps a tad too much of then sarcastic comment there...

The point was women get fed up of see message titles with just "hello" or "hi" so something different gave a better chance


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Perhaps a tad too much of then sarcastic comment there...
> 
> The point was women get fed up of see message titles with just "hello" or "hi" so something different gave a better chance


I love how women get fed up with someone saying hello. Even better, I love how they block messages "too short". What they expect us to write? A paragraph?

But, I don't really care. For the most part I get it. I don't let it get to me.


----------



## bsd3355

So why do guys approach a lot? Or why do they need to? The two girls I got the number from yesterday were really intent on talking to me and one even agreed to hang out. Tomorrow comes (today) and they don't respond to my texts.

I'm not angry because this is somewhat normal unless they know you at work or are somehow not trying to make themselves look bad because they are tied in with you somehow through some function or whatnot.

I got 5 numbers the time before last I went out, which was over a week ago, and all of them besides two kept talking to me. One of the girls wasn't interested in dating though, and the other one, maybe so, and I hung out with her and we kissed and whatnot but I probably pushed it too fast when I took her back to my place and tried to get sexual. Either way, that's 5 numbers and nothing substantial really happened from it (relationship, long term dating, sex, etc., etc.).

Doesn't matter how good looking or well-spoken/confident you are, it happens when you meet women this way. I think it's more riskier to try to date someone you work with than not, and girls will often lead you on simply because they don't want to risk the relationship you have at work and with that dynamic in general, etc. I understand this and I'm not attacking women. I'm just saying the obvious, and if women were to approach men the same they'd likely also see why you need to approach a lot sometimes.

Also, I mentioned the 15 numbers goal of mine, but I often find myself thinking how much outcomes can change depending on the instance. With dating, uncertainty is very, very likely in the beginning. When you build that understanding that "this" person won't flake or treat you badly, etc., then that uncertainty is no longer really the issue, as it should. But in the beginning, this stuff is very, very common as the one who pursues. If you are the one being pursued then obviously your control of the future is heavily stated by you, so there is a difference there as well. The pursuer and the one being pursued are two different positions to consider. So yeah, the 15 numbers thing, I'm not so sure I'm going to keep that as a weekly goal because there are so many variables to consider. I'll keep changing my goals but I do think, at this point in time, the 2 dates a week thing is a good goal of mine starting out, so I'll keep that.

Tomorrow, before class, I will do what I did yesterday and go out and meet more girls. If the girls flake then that is something beyond my control because I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I used to think I was doing something wrong but I'm fairly confident I'm playing the number's game now and just sifting through trying to find those who are actually interested.

Remember, I had, really, 1 true date last week from 5 approaches. I could do 10 before I see any results. At the same token, I can do 1 approach tomorrow and she'll be interested. The point is, rejection is common and flakes are common as a pursuer and you shouldn't let it stop you because eventually you will meet someone.

There is a legitimate concern when it comes to the question, "Well, if 100 girls reject me then it just seems like too much work". I really, really, really want more experience in this regard because, so far, 100 rejections in real life approaches in a row is extremely rare. I've approached in real life instances (in person) about 100 girls so far. Out of those experiences, I've been on multiple dates, found a girlfriend, etc. I have to add in online experiences because they are vastly different in my opinion: online, the rejection rate is gargantuan, and so I think most guys who feel like they have no hope are guys with only online experiences. If, however, you approach in real life I think you will find it to be less a number's game for a variety of reasons. Like I said though, so many variances when it comes to meeting someone and so you can't confidently say nothing is working in real life because of "X,Y,Z", especially since one day you can approach 2 girls and find a girlfriend, whereas, another week can go by and you've approached 20+ girls and not even a date has happened. Honestly, to me, 20 girls' rejections are nothing in the grand scheme of things. If I was to get rejected 30 times in a row then I'd probably more prone to question myself.

Don't take it seriously. Ditch online dating and try something else if it isn't working for you. Be consistent and stop worrying what people think because society is wrong in this instance, flat out. Women have vaginas and you have a penis for a reason. People are allowed to meet other people which ever way they want.


----------



## evginmubutu

I just had success on a dating site from doing this: finding someone that I really actually liked and sending a message to them as if I were just talking to person in front of me. I didn't have any success when I was crafting messages carefully and trying to tailor it to get a reply. You really have to show your genuine human side, that is what is attractive I guess. Don't fake an interest in their beauty salon, women are very good at picking up on desperation and fakery.


----------



## pete24

You may be onto things there, but there cant be variables in different towns.

It doesnt seem as logic where, going up to loads of random women and chatting them up. The only people iv seen doing that are drug addicts or alcoholics (the sort walking around with a can of super strong cider in their hand).

I dont like the thought of getting with a girl who has the potential of just being approached, thrown a few sweet lines and then gives her number out. Id rather someones that isnt easy, someone that can be like a friend to start with, who you hang out with loads then after a month advance it.

Its difficult to get into that approach also, I have never approached women in that way, I find it hard to talk to random guys that I dont know, so women that im trying to get with would be near impossible.

Tomorrow I get another chance of something, gained a few quid to spend down the pub,


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> You may be onto things there, but there cant be variables in different towns.
> 
> It doesnt seem as logic where, going up to loads of random women and chatting them up. The only people iv seen doing that are drug addicts or alcoholics (the sort walking around with a can of super strong cider in their hand).
> 
> I dont like the thought of getting with a girl who has the potential of just being approached, thrown a few sweet lines and then gives her number out. Id rather someones that isnt easy, someone that can be like a friend to start with, who you hang out with loads then after a month advance it.
> 
> Its difficult to get into that approach also, I have never approached women in that way, I find it hard to talk to random guys that I dont know, so women that im trying to get with would be near impossible.
> 
> Tomorrow I get another chance of something, gained a few quid to spend down the pub,


I view it differently because i dont think women are easy for giving me their number in this manner. I see getting the number as a way to further get the opportunity to know the girl. I dont get why you guys assume you need to "know" the girl as a friend to get her number and ask her out. Just because i meet girls this way dors not means her or i are bad people or that it wont present the opportunity to get to know each other.. that's why i do it!

Your disgust for this tells me you live in PG-13 land. You simply assume guys who approach this way are bad and women are easy for giving them their number? Do you realize how naive that sounds?


----------



## bsd3355

Also, put me in a situation where im not walking around campus, like a bar, and ill talk to the woman far longer than "a few secret lines". Come on man...

P.s. one of the girls just texted me back. Dont know whats up with that but maybe im jumping the gun toovquickly with assumptions...


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> I view it differently because i dont think women are easy for giving me their number in this manner. I see getting the number as a way to further get the opportunity to know the girl. I dont get why you guys assume you need to "know" the girl as a friend to get her number and ask her out. Just because i meet girls this way dors not means her or i are bad people or that it wont present the opportunity to get to know each other.. that's why i do it!
> 
> Your disgust for this tells me you live in PG-13 land. You simply assume guys who approach this way are bad and women are easy for giving them their number? Do you realize how naive that sounds?


The point im making is people dont tend to meet that way where I live. Going into your theory of things, you way to "pull" women is to simply walk up to random women, chat a few lines and get their numbers?

Perhaps it works for you, great and well done for having the guts to do it.

But again it comes to different things for different towns. Point is, if you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, it cant work. In a town like that you can spend the day chatting up a load of women, who more than likely know each other... So imagine that, chatting a girl up and her saying "no thanks, you were chatting my sister/friend up the other day".

Perhaps its an american thing where everyone is more chilled.

Fair enough you may talk to some women for longer than a few lines... but surely when a guy approaches a girl its obvious they will be trying to chat them up?

I would prefer to meet 1 woman, exclusively get her number/date her, see if it can work, if not, go and look for another. If women are just going to give out their number because they were approached by some guy for 5 minutes, isnt it questionable about what sort of woman she is? Like after you leave another 4 guys could come up to her and do the same thing, get her number and then its all the competition similar to online dating


----------



## srschirm

I think BWidger's method is great and he deserves a hearty round of applause.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> The point im making is people dont tend to meet that way where I live. Going into your theory of things, you way to "pull" women is to simply walk up to random women, chat a few lines and get their numbers?
> 
> Perhaps it works for you, great and well done for having the guts to do it.
> 
> But again it comes to different things for different towns. Point is, if you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, it cant work. In a town like that you can spend the day chatting up a load of women, who more than likely know each other... So imagine that, chatting a girl up and her saying "no thanks, you were chatting my sister/friend up the other day".
> 
> Perhaps its an american thing where everyone is more chilled.
> 
> Fair enough you may talk to some women for longer than a few lines... but surely when a guy approaches a girl its obvious they will be trying to chat them up?
> 
> I would prefer to meet 1 woman, exclusively get her number/date her, see if it can work, if not, go and look for another. If women are just going to give out their number because they were approached by some guy for 5 minutes, isnt it questionable about what sort of woman she is? Like after you leave another 4 guys could come up to her and do the same thing, get her number and then its all the competition similar to online dating


I dont know why it would be questionable? Numbers arent like sex and can be given out for a variety of reasons. The way you link a fast number exchange with the kind of girl she is is kind of disturbing to me. All this does is make meeting someone harder. A number doesnt mean squat and ive met some of the nicest ppl doing this, man or woman.

If a girl rejects you and you go approach another, arent you supposed to do this? Why would you want to not offend a girl who just rejected you by not approaching someone else? If a girl thinks im bad for talking to another girl after she rejected me, then whats her deal? Why do you care if they know each other? Maybe her friend is the one who likes you?


----------



## stoolie

wow bwidger is the man.
5 numbers in one night?

I haven't even seen that many attractive girls in one day, which gets really depressing right now.

I need to work on my approach anxiety and getting my arse out of the house. #motivationproblem


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Some girls just say "Oh yeah I like to go shopping and do my makeup,etc." and that's basically the CORE of their profile.
> 
> I mean they just sat down and wrote that crap in 5 minutes.
> 
> How am I supposed to extrapolate from that?
> 
> "Oh yeah, I kind of like getting my nails and hair done as well. Which hair stylist do you go to?"
> 
> :blank


"Hey there! I see you like shopping and makeup - I can appreciate a girl who works hard to look her best. Though, of course, everything in moderation, as too much vanity is unattractive. From your pictures you don't seem high-maintenance at all, so tell me...what do you really like to do? What is it that really gets your heart racing and makes you feel complete?"

[Btw if she answers "shopping and makeup"....NEXT]


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> "Hey there! I see you like shopping and makeup - I can appreciate a girl who works hard to look her best. Though, of course, everything in moderation, as too much vanity is unattractive. From your pictures you don't seem high-maintenance at all, so tell me...what do you really like to do? What is it that really gets your heart racing and makes you feel complete?"
> 
> [Btw if she answers "shopping and makeup"....NEXT]


I'm pretty damn bad at sounding natural and friendly. Still working on trying to be a bit more non-robotic and mechanical with my messages/answers.

Eventually they'll realize they're talking to another human being instead of a computer program.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I dont know why it would be questionable? Numbers arent like sex and can be given out for a variety of reasons. The way you link a fast number exchange with the kind of girl she is is kind of disturbing to me. All this does is make meeting someone harder. A number doesnt mean squat and ive met some of the nicest ppl doing this, man or woman.
> 
> If a girl rejects you and you go approach another, arent you supposed to do this? Why would you want to not offend a girl who just rejected you by not approaching someone else? If a girl thinks im bad for talking to another girl after she rejected me, then whats her deal? Why do you care if they know each other? Maybe her friend is the one who likes you?


I have to ask you the question

Why do you think this is normal, dont you think it could be the fact that you text, the way you text, maybe its you as well. Maybe you dont want a girlfriend, and when you talk to women they can sense that?

It just seems unusual how many women you meet, and how you dont have a GF


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> I'm pretty damn bad at sounding natural and friendly. Still working on trying to be a bit more non-robotic and mechanical with my messages/answers.
> 
> Eventually they'll realize they're talking to another human being instead of a computer program.


That practicalhappiness website I linked to in my first post has several examples of amazing online openers/conversations. These things can be learned, sometimes it just helps to have some examples to get you started - to see what works, what doesn't work,and eventually develop your own style infused with your own, blossoming personality. Just takes practice.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I have to ask you the question
> 
> Why do you think this is normal, dont you think it could be the fact that you text, the way you text, maybe its you as well. Maybe you dont want a girlfriend, and when you talk to women they can sense that?
> 
> It just seems unusual how many women you meet, and how you dont have a GF


Who said he's even looking for a gf? And maybe he wants to continue working on himself before he commits to something so serious. People these days don't take relationships seriously enough.



bwidger85 said:


> Your progress is extremely fast. It took me months before i could even get a number from a bar, let alone a make out. I dont push for make outs though. Im more interested in getting contact information. Also, the way your internally pretty solid says a lot. That is the hardest part. I think a spent a good chunk of my time finding what works best for me in what instances as ive tried different places and things. I think the best position is somewhere with lots of girls where you feel natural at. I do think if i continue doing what im doing my dating life will finally start taking off. Find somewhere that isnt too taxing on you with lots of girls and you'll be in a good position. Hitting up stores is a pot shot unless you can approach a lot there in my opinion


It took me over a month of hard work for my first #. I don't think that I progressed super fast. I just think that the difference between you and I is that you focus TOO much on getting the number. It's amazing how many numbers you pull, but I really think you could have less flakes if you focused on getting physical ASAP. During the day that's tough, but you can at least do the typical high fives, hugs, etc. At night though, as far as I'm concerned you should ALWAYS go for a makeout. ALWAYS. There's really no downside because it shows confidence and increases the sexual tension, even if she denies you. As the Simplepickup guys say, if the girl is still laughing and having fun, keep on pushing the interaction. I don't know exactly what your approaches look like, but my theory is that you have a bit of room to get more physical with these girls. You have proven that you can get a TON of numbers...there's no such thing as perfection...you're already damn good at that. I think you now need to shift your focus a bit and take your boss-like skills to other areas.

Btw I just realized there is a downside to going for makeouts...what I am currently suffering with: mono


----------



## huh

I think I'm slowly losing this girl. *sigh* Such is life.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I have to ask you the question
> 
> Why do you think this is normal, dont you think it could be the fact that you text, the way you text, maybe its you as well. Maybe you dont want a girlfriend, and when you talk to women they can sense that?
> 
> It just seems unusual how many women you meet, and how you dont have a GF


No doubt that the way you go about meeting someone, from the beginning, the middle and to the end matters. I think a lot of the reasons I got rejected are for this, and other times it isn't. There is a reason why I'm trying to experience and "practice" because, while this may sound bad from my end, the more experience you have doing this the better you get to a degree. Most of the battles I've fought had nothing to do with women. Most of the issues I've faced are within myself. I don't approach just anyone either; only girls I'm attracted to. Lots of these girls have BFs, aren't interested, don't like the way I approached, don't feel comfortable talking to "strangers" in a certain context, stigmatize, are drunk, are stupid, are w/e reasons. I also count approaches by just talking to random women in the bar WITHOUT trying to get their numbers, so if I were to only count up the times I really got rejected asking for a date or a number, it'd probably be 50 girls of 100 over a YEAR span, not a couple months span (considering my awkwardness sometimes and the stigma attached to it). Compare that to online and it's much better.

You find it strange that so many women don't want me? Wow, thanks for the compliment. But how is this so surprising when you yourself see the rejection rate online? How is real life somehow magically different? With me, the chances are better offline.

Like I said, I've dated lots of girls and I have had a girlfriend out the deal. For a while I didn't want a girlfriend either. When I met my girlfriend (girlfriend before she moved) I didn't expect it to turn into a relationship because that wasn't what I was looking for but it did.

If you guys want to meet girls your way then more power to you. But I think in the long run you are just making it harder on yourself in some ways, not all ways because there are benefits to it as well, no doubt.

A part of me wants to stop trying to prove my point because I know some of you don't care but unfortunately I'm too opinionated and I like to share my experiences so you'll have to deal with it if I keep posting here


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> No doubt that the way you go about meeting someone, from the beginning, the middle and to the end matters. I think a lot of the reasons I got rejected are for this, and other times it isn't. There is a reason why I'm trying to experience and "practice" because, while this may sound bad from my end, the more experience you have doing this the better you get to a degree. Most of the battles I've fought had nothing to do with women. Most of the issues I've faced are within myself. I don't approach just anyone either; only girls I'm attracted to. Lots of these girls have BFs, aren't interested, don't like the way I approached, don't feel comfortable talking to "strangers" in a certain context, stigmatize, are drunk, are stupid, are w/e reasons. I also count approaches by just talking to random women in the bar WITHOUT trying to get their numbers, so if I were to only count up the times I really got rejected asking for a date or a number, it'd probably be 50 girls of 100 over a YEAR span, not a couple months span (considering my awkwardness sometimes and the stigma attached to it). Compare that to online and it's much better.
> 
> You find it strange that so many women don't want me? Wow, thanks for the compliment. But how is this so surprising when you yourself see the rejection rate online? How is real life somehow magically different? With me, the chances are better offline.
> 
> Like I said, I've dated lots of girls and I have had a girlfriend out the deal. For a while I didn't want a girlfriend either. When I met my girlfriend (girlfriend before she moved) I didn't expect it to turn into a relationship because that wasn't what I was looking for but it did.
> 
> If you guys want to meet girls your way then more power to you. But I think in the long run you are just making it harder on yourself in some ways, not all ways because there are benefits to it as well, no doubt.
> 
> A part of me wants to stop trying to prove my point because I know some of you don't care but unfortunately I'm too opinionated and I like to share my experiences so you'll have to deal with it if I keep posting here


do you think its related to a lack of comfort around girls to date a man she has no association with?

Or do you think its your lack of game after you get the number?

I am just curious


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Who said he's even looking for a gf? And maybe he wants to continue working on himself before he commits to something so serious. People these days don't take relationships seriously enough.
> 
> It took me over a month of hard work for my first #. I don't think that I progressed super fast. I just think that the difference between you and I is that you focus TOO much on getting the number. It's amazing how many numbers you pull, but I really think you could have less flakes if you focused on getting physical ASAP. During the day that's tough, but you can at least do the typical high fives, hugs, etc. At night though, as far as I'm concerned you should ALWAYS go for a makeout. ALWAYS. There's really no downside because it shows confidence and increases the sexual tension, even if she denies you. As the Simplepickup guys say, if the girl is still laughing and having fun, keep on pushing the interaction. I don't know exactly what your approaches look like, but my theory is that you have a bit of room to get more physical with these girls. You have proven that you can get a TON of numbers...there's no such thing as perfection...you're already damn good at that. I think you now need to shift your focus a bit and take your boss-like skills to other areas.
> 
> Btw I just realized there is a downside to going for makeouts...what I am currently suffering with: mono


Some people say getting physical just gives a woman buyers remorse because they go home and the next day say to themselves, "I can't believe that guy made out with me. That was kind of strange now that I think about it. Maybe he just wants sex?" I guess that all depends on what you want from the interaction. I personally feel that you don't have to make out with a girl for her to see you again. I think most of what makes a girl want to see you again is a strong vibe or connection or some kind of bond or excite you bring to the interaction that makes her want to see you again. You can make out with a girl without making a strong connection and then have her flake. On the other hand, which I think is what you are saying, is you can make a strong connection with a girl and make out with her and build sexual tension and have it work too. I just personally don't think you need to make out with a girl to see her again. I can see why creating that tension is exciting and may prompt the girl to want to see you again but I can also see why it doesn't matter as much as some may think. That's just my own opinion.

I don't feel like I am good at getting numbers yet. I do think I am beginning to get good with it but I want to now put my attention on less flakes which I think go more hand in hand with making a connection before or after the number unrelated to make outs. With the girl I'm talking to now I am trying to build that connection. I used to just get a number and then ask for a date before really building any tension or comfort or bond and obviously that works against me. Idk, will see what happens once I do it more and experiment with it.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> do you think its related to a lack of comfort around girls to date a man she has no association with?
> 
> Or do you think its your lack of game after you get the number?
> 
> I am just curious


I think it's both because not building any connection with the girl is like asking a stranger on a date. Who would really be intrigued by that? Build some comfort, some connection; flirt a little and make her feel comfortable with you and get to know you a little better and obviously that will create less flakes. I hate the term "game", but if I practiced more of this comfort and taking it slow and building a connection before a date then I think it'd help. This is common sense really but I think I focused too much on numbers in the past. Idk, it's kind of complicated. But to answer your question, I think both your points make a big difference; probably the first point the most. Other times none of it matters because she simply isn't interested, but I'm talking about the girls who may be interested but need that comfort building and getting to know you better before she makes her decision type instance. Obviously not all girls are like this and many just know before all this whether or not they want to see you. I'm not trying to put women into a box with their characteristics because this is definitely not the case.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Some people say getting physical just gives a woman buyers remorse because they go home and the next day say to themselves, "I can't believe that guy made out with me. That was kind of strange now that I think about it. Maybe he just wants sex?" I guess that all depends on what you want from the interaction. I personally feel that you don't have to make out with a girl for her to see you again. I think most of what makes a girl want to see you again is a strong vibe or connection or some kind of bond or excite you bring to the interaction that makes her want to see you again. You can make out with a girl without making a strong connection and then have her flake. On the other hand, which I think is what you are saying, is you can make a strong connection with a girl and make out with her and build sexual tension and have it work too. I just personally don't think you need to make out with a girl to see her again. I can see why creating that tension is exciting and may prompt the girl to want to see you again but I can also see why it doesn't matter as much as some may think. That's just my own opinion.
> 
> I don't feel like I am good at getting numbers yet. I do think I am beginning to get good with it but I want to now put my attention on less flakes which I think go more hand in hand with making a connection before or after the number unrelated to make outs. With the girl I'm talking to now I am trying to build that connection. I used to just get a number and then ask for a date before really building any tension or comfort or bond and obviously that works against me. Idk, will see what happens once I do it more and experiment with it.


Let me clarify - I don't think making out vs not making out really makes a huge difference. But TRYING to make out vs. not does. Again, we're talking about at night. High energy, partying..girls are looking to have a good time and if you just get a number and never increase the sexual tension, things will just fall flat. Believe me..I have been there..so many times. Now, although I don't approach nearly as much as you do, I always go for the makeout...sometimes within a half hour (not quite the 5 minues that the simple pickup guys have achieved ). And my follow up rate is very, very high relative to where it used to be when I didn't get physical. Girls enjoy making out..they want sex just as much as guys do. This is something I have come to realize. They are just more selective another their partners...but if you can show them a good time and build that tension...you're in like Flint.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Let me clarify - I don't think making out vs not making out really makes a huge difference. But TRYING to make out vs. not does. Again, we're talking about at night. High energy, partying..girls are looking to have a good time and if you just get a number and never increase the sexual tension, things will just fall flat. Believe me..I have been there..so many times. Now, although I don't approach nearly as much as you do, I always go for the makeout...sometimes within a half hour (not quite the 5 minues that the simple pickup guys have achieved ). And my follow up rate is very, very high relative to where it used to be when I didn't get physical. Girls enjoy making out..they want sex just as much as guys do. This is something I have come to realize. They are just more selective another their partners...but if you can show them a good time and build that tension...you're in like Flint.


Well, I definitely won't discredit what you say, like I said, I'm starting to focus on what to do to not get as many flakes--things within my control to create less flakes, that is, since I now feel like I can get numbers easier. I'll think about what you said if stuff doesn't improve for me over time, but I can't imagine making out with a random girl on campus so fast! I know I can do it but I don't see it much to my benefit! But who knows lol.

yes, yes, i know you are talking about nights . This may be more beneficial at night under the right context


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Well, I definitely won't discredit what you say, like I said, I'm starting to focus on what to do to within my control (what I do) to create less flakes since I now feel like I can get numbers easier. I'll think about what you said if stuff doesn't improve for me over time, but I can't imagine making out with a random girl on campus so fast! I know I can do it but I don't see it much to my benefit! But who knows lol.


Do you approach girls on campus at night? That seems a bit creepy haha..would it not be better to just go to a bar or something? I am all about the approach anywhere attitude, but obviously there are places that are better than others. I guess I'm more talking about nightlife -type places...bar, club, outside one of those, event, party..etc. That's not to say a makeout can't be done in other places, but yeh.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Do you approach girls on campus at night? That seems a bit creepy haha..would it not be better to just go to a bar or something? I am all about the approach anywhere attitude, but obviously there are places that are better than others.


I've done bars a lot and never really felt like I got good at meeting girls there for personal reasons that are related to me personally, not the girl. College is more discrete, while at the same time casual and less "party mode" and I can be more myself and just talk. I met my girlfriend at the bar and other girls I've dated, but I also go through different phases. Right now I am focusing on campuses during the day because I feel more comfortable there. However, it's been raining nonstop for 5 days and 60mph winds so I might just start going to the bars again for a while! 

It all sounds like I've done a lot but I really haven't. The number of frustrations I've had outweigh anything positive 9:1. The more I find what I feel comfortable with and the more I detach myself from the outcome the better things get. I'm still in the beginning stages with it, and I know how derogatory that may seem from outsiders, but a lot of my challenges are from within, not outer stuff.

This is going to sound alien to people who haven't approached much, but believe it or not, the more comfortable and confident you feel doing this stuff the better your results will be, which means a lot of how you project yourself dictates what the girl thinks about you. Once again, I'm not trying to put women into a box, but a lot of what we can improve happens from within ourselves. Once you feel competent and confident while at the same time loving yourself through the process I think then you can say you are truly playing a number's game rather than a self-improvement game. I'm still working on the self-improvement aspect and what I can do to increase my odds that are within my control.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> I've done bars a lot and never really felt like I got good at meeting girls there for personal reasons that are related to me personally, not the girl. College is more discrete, while at the same time casual and less "party mode" and I can be more myself and just talk. I met my girlfriend at the bar and other girls I've dated, but I also go through different phases. Right now I am focusing on campuses during the day because I feel more comfortable there. However, it's been raining nonstop for 5 days and 60mph winds so I might just start going to the bars again for a while!
> 
> It all sounds like I've done a lot but I really haven't. The number of frustrations I've had outweigh anything positive 9:1. The more I find what I feel comfortable with and the more I detach myself from the outcome the better things get. I'm still in the beginning stages with it, and I know how derogatory that may seem from outsiders, but a lot of my challenges are from within, not outer stuff.
> 
> This is going to sound alien to people who haven't approached much, but believe it or not, the more comfortable and confident you feel doing this stuff the better your results will be, which means a lot of how you project yourself dictates what the girl thinks about you. Once again, I'm not trying to put women into a box, but a lot of what we can improve happens from within ourselves. Once you feel competent and confident while at the same time loving yourself through the process I think then you can say you are truly playing a number's game rather than a self-improvement game. I'm still working on the self-improvement aspect and what I can do to increase my odds that are within my control.


Welp...no matter what you are taking strides to improve yourself and your mental health so kudos. I do think that maybe you beat yourself up too much over some of your frustrations, and maybe that's what's holding you back. I think that if my progress truly is fast, it's only because I stopped beating myself up over everything. Obviously not an overnight process...but after a lifetime of negativity and being down on myself...I guess I was just so sick and tired of it. Now I try as best I can to just live and learn as opposes to live, beat myself up, and then slow my progress. Easier said than done and I still have plenty of bumps ...but I feel like not giving a **** anymore (as much as I could, anyway) hs done wonders for me.


----------



## pete24

Im doubting online dating again. several messages sent today with no replies.

Im seriously thinking women have standards beyond any realistic level on them sites.

The women im messaging aint even top of the pile, hell iv been with girls hotter than some im messaging... but still same old, they dont reply or they reply a few times and find something better.

I know that I never fail dates, thats probably my strength, I always think outside the box and we always get on perfect. I think its around 20 dates iv been on, all have had the potential of forming a relationship from. 

Just need to get the chance


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Im doubting online dating again. several messages sent today with no replies.
> 
> Im seriously thinking women have standards beyond any realistic level on them sites.
> 
> The women im messaging aint even top of the pile, hell iv been with girls hotter than some im messaging... but still same old, they dont reply or they reply a few times and find something better.
> 
> I know that I never fail dates, thats probably my strength, I always think outside the box and we always get on perfect. I think its around 20 dates iv been on, all have had the potential of forming a relationship from.
> 
> Just need to get the chance


Have you considered real life approaches? If you never fail when you get up code and personal then it sounds perfect for you.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Welp...no matter what you are taking strides to improve yourself and your mental health so kudos. I do think that maybe you beat yourself up too much over some of your frustrations, and maybe that's what's holding you back. I think that if my progress truly is fast, it's only because I stopped beating myself up over everything. Obviously not an overnight process...but after a lifetime of negativity and being down on myself...I guess I was just so sick and tired of it. Now I try as best I can to just live and learn as opposes to live, beat myself up, and then slow my progress. Easier said than done and I still have plenty of bumps ...but I feel like not giving a **** anymore (as much as I could, anyway) hs done wonders for me.


What you described is what I mean by learning indifference. Definitely a good thing to learn. As far as my own frustration, I think a lot of it is caused because I have an idea of where I want to be in the future and failing to get there but slowly improving as well.


----------



## Ivan AG

Damn rymo, all that reading and advice from your first post is blowing my mind. :blank

There's just so many nuances and little details about dating/approaching/conversations with women that I just feel like it's too much to keep track of in my mind. 

All that stuff about showing interest while playing hard to get sounds like the biggest oxymoron in the world. 

It's like "Be direct with your intentions however make yourself look like you're a hard to get man that she needs to chase after".

Dafuq....


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Have you considered real life approaches? If you never fail when you get up code and personal then it sounds perfect for you.


Well with dating you get to know a bit about them before and know its an actual date your going on. I just cant bring myself to do it, im bad enough at being able to talk to people I dont know in general.

This fail was pretty epic. Just a moment ago. This girl does a flirt at me. Then I message her asking how her days been etc, she gives very blunt answers. I asked about her uni course, she put a 1 word answer then I asked if she starts early tomorrow with her reply being "no". Then after a few more attempts at asking questions she asks "are you sensing anything between us?"

I bet thats a sarcastic message, as if to say "im not feeling this convo"

Edit: I was right, shes no longer replying. She obviously liked my profile to start with, iv made efforts to ask questions, surely she cant expect us to click like we've known each other that quickly after 5 messages. She didnt even do a description on her profile, just put some of her interests down


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Well with dating you get to know a bit about them before and know its an actual date your going on. I just cant bring myself to do it, im bad enough at being able to talk to people I dont know in general.
> 
> This fail was pretty epic. Just a moment ago. This girl does a flirt at me. Then I message her asking how her days been etc, she gives very blunt answers. I asked about her uni course, she put a 1 word answer then I asked if she starts early tomorrow with her reply being "no". Then after a few more attempts at asking questions she asks "are you sensing anything between us?"
> 
> I bet thats a sarcastic message, as if to say "im not feeling this convo"
> 
> Edit: I was right, shes no longer replying. She obviously liked my profile to start with, iv made efforts to ask questions, surely she cant expect us to click like we've known each other that quickly after 5 messages. She didnt even do a description on her profile, just put some of her interests down


Stop asking straight up questions. Make assumptions, it's more interesting. Can you post some of the convo? I think it would be beneficial for everyone if we looked at what you did right/wrong.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Damn rymo, all that reading and advice from your first post is blowing my mind. :blank
> 
> There's just so many nuances and little details about dating/approaching/conversations with women that I just feel like it's too much to keep track of in my mind.
> 
> All that stuff about showing interest while playing hard to get sounds like the biggest oxymoron in the world.
> 
> It's like "Be direct with your intentions however make yourself look like you're a hard to get man that she needs to chase after".
> 
> Dafuq....


Hehe just as long as you don't think I'm an ******* full of contempt anymore..then I'm happy. Keep in mind that as this thread has progressed, my "game" has improved and evolved, so take some of the earlier stuff with a grain of salt. I cringe to think about somewhere of the things I said haha. As for the last part - being direct when you meet someone is the fastest way to let them know you are interested, and it shows confidence. Both good things. I think the other part I just mean not to blow up a girl's phone or text her all the time. In the beginning, you want to make it seem like you have options, otherwise girls can sense that desperation. That particular point is not as complex as I may have made it out to be, but as for any of the little nuances, practice makes perfect (well..better ) and some of this stuff becomes second-nature over time. It's hard to believe that when you're not quite at that point, but if you think about it like any other skill in life, then it makes sense..the more you do it the more comfortable you will become (as long as you try your best to have a positive attitude about it). The positive attitude part is also difficult for those with SA, but really...it gets to the point where it's just like **** it man..let's give it our best because what else is there? We only live once...let's make the best out of it.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Hehe just as long as you don't think I'm an ******* full of contempt anymore..then I'm happy. Keep in mind that as this thread has progressed, my "game" has improved and evolved, so take some of the earlier stuff with a grain of salt. I cringe to think about somewhere of the things I said haha. As for the last part - being direct when you meet someone is the fastest way to let them know you are interested, and it shows confidence. Both good things. I think the other part I just mean not to blow up a girl's phone or text her all the time. In the beginning, you want to make it seem like you have options, otherwise girls can sense that desperation. That particular point is not as complex as I may have made it out to be, but as for any of the little nuances, practice makes perfect (well..better ) and some of this stuff becomes second-nature over time. It's hard to believe that when you're not quite at that point, but if you think about it like any other skill in life, then it makes sense..the more you do it the more comfortable you will become (as long as you try your best to have a positive attitude about it). The positive attitude part is also difficult for those with SA, but really...it gets to the point where it's just like **** it man..let's give it our best because what else is there? We only live once...let's make the best out of it.


I do the same. Like with online dating, there is a part of me that thinks there are things I can do that will make things better so I shouldn't throw it all out the window, but at the same time I'm fed up with it and finding success other ways. So, I'll think back what I said about "online being horrible!" or "ditch online!" and I think maybe what I say is too absolute.

It's kind of interesting when you talk about not texting a girl too much at first because you don't want to come off as needy or weird or something, and for the most part I agree with this, but I think there is a difference with the context you are given. Say for instance the girl is into you, then continuing to text her all the time is not the best idea because it takes away her interest or investment in you and kills part of her intrigue towards you; however, if you aren't sure a girl is into you, or you are testing the waters, this is when you can text a little bit more to build some comfort or build intrigue; if you do it under the context of being for your own enjoyment and non-needy frame then it is OK. The problem happens when you start text or talking to a girl out of neediness because it will show usually and that is not attractive. If you text a girl who you aren't sure if she likes you or not, but you do it from a frame of flirtation or just for enjoyment, then I think that is OK. In fact, I did that with the last girl who went on a date with me. She was kind of offish via the first few texts but the more we talked the more she realized I'm a normal cool guy and from there I flirted with her and built more intrigue, but I didn't do it out of insecurity. I am doing the same with the girl I am texting now. I am basically flirting with her for fun and just having fun with her while at the same time showing her I'm a normal guy and building familiarity making us hopefully connect more. This is a bit advanced stuff, but for the most part you don't want to do anything out of insecurity reasons. If you do it for your own enjoyment, and if you are at least cordial with empathy towards her space and concerns, then you are good to talk whenever. If you feel like you are pushing it too much then back off and come back when you feel you aren't investing so much.

When I text a girl the frame I am coming from is this: "I'm texting to either have fun, build some intrigue/attraction/commonalities/comfort, while at the same being cordial of her space and comfort level". With this mindset, you can literally text a girl anytime you want because you are considerate of her "space" while at the same time coming at it from a non-needy frame, but a frame of casualness that builds commonality.

Doing anything out of insecurity is always bad. Do things because you enjoy it or because you want to build comfort or intrigue with the girl but be empathetic of her space as well. Respect her space. Most girls just want a guy who is confident and respectful of her needs without supplicating because he is insecure.


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Stop asking straight up questions. Make assumptions, it's more interesting. Can you post some of the convo? I think it would be beneficial for everyone if we looked at what you did right/wrong.


Sure.

ME: Thanks for the flirt . Hope your having a great week so far? xx
HER: no probs. yeah thanks you x
ME: Good. Just been relaxing, trying not to feel too cold. x
HER: aw never
ME: I know, its feeling too wintry now, you been up to much today? x
HER: just uni stuff x
ME: Oh cool, what you studying there?x
HER: Teaching x

Then I went on to ask about what sorta films n music is she into. She answered saying just a few indie rock bands. She said about a phase she had when she liked this girl band, and I said as well about when I used to like this embarassing band and we both laughed.

Then it was:

HER: Are you sensing anything between us? x
ME: Well its been nice chatting so far, just feeling a bit quiet as its getting late. How comes? x
HER: Just wondering x
ME: You started your xmas shopping yet? x

Then that was it, no reply


----------



## Ivan AG

Is the "X" at the end of the message a kiss?

This is literally the first time I've encountered this.


----------



## bsd3355

Pete24, looks like a good interaction to me. You should of asked for her number or a date or something shortly after she said "are you sensing anything between us?" It's likely she got bored of you not stepping up the interaction and moving it forward with a number or something. Or she could of just got bore din general with the conversation being it was possibly too long and just went to do something else. Or it could mean nothing and you could try another day. I would of tried getting her number though at least. Nothing wrong with that conversation at all. You want to try to move the progress ahead into a date or number or something in the future. Most girls wait for you to make the move. If you don't then they either get bored or give up and move on because you are taking too long.

But if that is the whole conversion you've had this whole time then that isn't very long at all considering it wasn't over email. If that is the case then there is no real reason she stopped talking to you and you didn't do anything wrong.


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Sure.
> 
> ME: Thanks for the flirt . Hope your having a great week so far? xx
> HER: no probs. yeah thanks you x
> ME: Good. Just been relaxing, trying not to feel too cold. x
> HER: aw never
> ME: I know, its feeling too wintry now, you been up to much today? x
> HER: just uni stuff x
> ME: Oh cool, what you studying there?x
> HER: Teaching x
> 
> Then I went on to ask about what sorta films n music is she into. She answered saying just a few indie rock bands. She said about a phase she had when she liked this girl band, and I said as well about when I used to like this embarassing band and we both laughed.
> 
> Then it was:
> 
> HER: Are you sensing anything between us? x
> ME: Well its been nice chatting so far, just feeling a bit quiet as its getting late. How comes? x
> HER: Just wondering x
> ME: You started your xmas shopping yet? x
> 
> Then that was it, no reply


O you were using the chat function? Okay..that's a bit different. I would still argue that here and there make some assumptions about her instead of direct questions (instead of "what are you studying?" ..."I'm going to guess you're studying fashion or art..your pictures make you seem like a creative type" - much more interesting and conversation-provoking), but honestly aside from that it seemed fine. I would chalk this one up to.general flakiness...you certainly didn't do anything wrong. Maybe someone else has a different perspective.

Btw I think if anyone wants to post their conversations (successful or otherwise) it could be MAJORLY helpful to everyone. Examples are always a great learning tool, and of course...no one's going to judge. We're all here to improve.


----------



## pete24

Yea was chat, Thanks mate, 

Yea that sounds a bit better actually, will give that a go the next time (With this 1 I should of said "So... Im guessing your taking a dieting course at uni?)


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Yea was chat, Thanks mate,
> 
> Yea that sounds a bit better actually, will give that a go the next time (With this 1 I should of said "So... Im guessing your taking a dieting course at uni?)


Haha absolutely - just as long as it doesn't sound like you're calling her fat :b


----------



## pete24

, theres another girl now (always just as I doubt the sites, someone gets in touch). Quite hot, but im managing to do quite well, 20 or so messages back n forth so far. Iv teased her somewhat, like messing about which shes laughed about. Sounds ok


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> , theres another girl now (always just as I doubt the sites, someone gets in touch). Quite hot, but im managing to do quite well, 20 or so messages back n forth so far. Iv teased her somewhat, like messing about which shes laughed about. Sounds ok


Awesome dude...remember..nothing wrong with going for the # a bit early like bwidger said. It's almost like trying to get physical early on in real life approaches...assuming the girl is having a good time, even if she denies it it still shows confidence and if you play it cool you can just try it again a little later.


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Awesome dude...remember..nothing wrong with going for the # a bit early like bwidger said. It's almost like trying to get physical early on in real life approaches...assuming the girl is having a good time, even if she denies it it still shows confidence and if you play it cool you can just try it again a little later.


I'll try n go for it, your right, nothing to lose... What about asking to add her on FB? is number better?

Edit dang, convo ended (she had to go to sleep, 3am gone here) before I could ask but she did say at the end of her last message "Speak to you soon?". I said id give her a message tomorrow if she wanted and then she said "speak spoon, was nice speaking to you", so she didnt exactly answer it direct


----------



## bsd3355

How to meet women (pay attention fellas lol):


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> I'll try n go for it, your right, nothing to lose... What about asking to add her on FB? is number better?


Definitely..be forward man..tell her you thi.nk she's cute and interesting and you guys would get along, then bam. Fb is just prolonging the inevitable...no use in slowing things down. Strike while the iron's hot.


----------



## pete24

Thanks, will do that a bit later, got a visit to the pub now, hopefully will be looking my best, few beers and maybe there will be some nice girl there


----------



## pete24

Sooo. Fail so far in public. Had some woman in bank chat me up. I know its her workplace but handled it well. She was joking when i asked to put cash in saying "i suppose so". N i countered well. Asking her what time she finished. Spoke about it being quiet n dragging. Then said about hoping it goes quick so she can have a glass of wine this evening. 

Now to a big pub thats always filled with females....


Edit: Was no chances at put... n POF girl... it was a mixture, she wasnt too keen (like not enthusiastic enough) and she lives in the same small village as my ex, so thinking of it I couldnt ever see her without memories coming into my head


----------



## stoolie

pete24 said:


> Sooo. Fail so far in public. Had some woman in bank chat me up. I know its her workplace but handled it well. She was joking when i asked to put cash in saying "i suppose so". N i countered well. Asking her what time she finished. Spoke about it being quiet n dragging. Then said about hoping it goes quick so she can have a glass of wine this evening.
> 
> Now to a big pub thats always filled with females....
> 
> Edit: Was no chances at put... n POF girl... it was a mixture, she wasnt too keen (like not enthusiastic enough) and she lives in the same small village as my ex, so thinking of it I couldnt ever see her without memories coming into my head


At least you're doing something! Now it's only a matter of time.


----------



## pete24

stoolie said:


> At least you're doing something! Now it's only a matter of time.


Thanks dude, yea, id say for anyone. You can either stay inside 24/7, feel "shame" of being on dating sites. Or even the simplest thing is ideal. Like going to pub on your own or being out and about... you just never know.

I remember there being a thread about "luck" and "chance" here. Rymo put some excellent words in there. Also I think I mentioned basically that we all have paths to chose, 24/7, even with the simplest of things.

When it comes to it, being stuck inside is a far worse path with no other paths linked to it compared to being out and about


----------



## Ivan AG

I just realized how pissed off/passive agressive Robert Glover sounds in "No more Mr. Nice Guy" after re-reading that book today.

He has good advice on not seeking approval and setting boundaries but his entire book is a patriarchal view on life.

I can't take him or any other author seriously when they try to push their agenda in a self-help book.


----------



## falling down

I'm thinking about trading about 9-10 pages of wall communication with a few on this site so that I can really fit in with the boys.


----------



## rymo

Awesome new SP video:


----------



## srschirm

2nd date with POF girl was nice.


----------



## bsd3355

Nice going dudes


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Awesome new SP video:


I really anticipated this to be cringeworthy.
"What to say on the phone to get laid."
But that wasn't the case and actually rather helpful.

I need to find some video from them about approaching or even where/how to meet girls.


----------



## pete24

Yesss and iv pulled too...

Different girl, pof, spoke for last few hours. Then asks to add me on FB, anyways after adding me on FB n chatting I notice on POF she goes offline, so is only chatting to me, no other guys added recently on her FB either, yay.


Edit (extra bits):

Browsing her profile im in 2 minds, by the looks of it shes not long come outta a relationship, her pictures are debatable as to weather shes hot and iv seen a pic of 1 of her x's who is clearly labelled out as the guy she was in a relationship with....


----------



## bsd3355

Didnt go out today like i said because put off a report until this morning so yeah.... tomorrow sounds good though if it's not too bad outside--although i could try a couple approaches inside too

One thing id like to talk about is making friends with the girls you speak to. If you decide one of the girls isnt for you, but you've got to know her pretty well, stay friends with her. It's always nice to have female friends 

Not a lot of people you'll always make connections with, but when you find those people who you get along with then that means something.


----------



## Ivan AG

Alright, it's time for the ultimate challenge.

Cold approaching women with the intent of getting her number.

I have NO IDEA how I'm going to be approaching on my own. 

All my CBT training is going to **** just thinking about it......


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> I really anticipated this to be cringeworthy.
> "What to say on the phone to get laid."
> But that wasn't the case and actually rather helpful.
> 
> I need to find some video from them about approaching or even where/how to meet girls.


Just look on their channel, they have tons of videos. You'll find out rather quickly that they are huge proponents of approaching girls anytime, anywhere. And they make it work. Essentially making it impossible for any of us to make excuses as to why we're not approaching girls.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Alright, it's time for the ultimate challenge.
> 
> Cold approaching women with the intent of getting her number.
> 
> I have NO IDEA how I'm going to be approaching on my own.
> 
> All my CBT training is going to **** just thinking about it......


That's what I'm talking about! Listen, no one said it's not going to be painful ...but afterwards you'll look back and be like, "wow...that wasn't that bad..."


----------



## Ivan AG

Does every guy on Earth have to go through this just to get into a normal relationship?

I feel like with this cold approaching we're doing what 90% of the guys will never do and WE are the ones with the "disorder".


----------



## Canucklehead

Ivan AG said:


> Does every guy on Earth have to go through this just to get into a normal relationship?
> 
> I feel like with this cold approaching we're doing what 90% of the guys will never do and WE are the ones with the "disorder".


Nah man, I've never even approached anyone in real life before that I didn't already know.

I'm not into just walking up to chicks and having pick up lines, I feel like I lose part of my charm or something if I do that. Especially if they are attractive, they probably get approached all the time, so not being one of those guys is kind of endearing, I think...

Whatever.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Does every guy on Earth have to go through this just to get into a normal relationship?
> 
> I feel like with this cold approaching we're doing what 90% of the guys will never do and WE are the ones with the "disorder".


Think of it like being a social guy. Nothing wrong with being social. I think most guys dont cold-approach unless in a blue moon or under a certain socially supported context. It is scary at first but the more you do it the more it becomes normal to you. I dont view it as a bad thing at all


----------



## bsd3355

Canucklehead said:


> Nah man, I've never even approached anyone in real life before that I didn't already know.
> 
> I'm not into just walking up to chicks and having pick up lines, I feel like I lose part of my charm or something if I do that. Especially if they are attractive, they probably get approached all the time, so not being one of those guys is kind of endearing, I think...
> 
> Whatever.


You dont have to use lines. You can still be yourself


----------



## Ivan AG

Canucklehead said:


> Nah man, I've never even approached anyone in real life before that I didn't already know.
> 
> I'm not into just walking up to chicks and having pick up lines, I feel like I lose part of my charm or something if I do that. *Especially if they are attractive, they probably get approached all the time*, so not being one of those guys is kind of endearing, I think...
> 
> Whatever.


Actually I was reading that attractive women are more likely to be available since most guys don't really approach them because they think they're taken, out of their league, etc. etc.

So anyways, are just doing online dating? Is that yielding good results for you?


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Think of it like being a social guy. Nothing wrong with being social. I think most guys dont cold-approach unless in a blue moon or under a certain socially supported context. It is scary at first but the more you do it the more it becomes normal to you. I dont view it as a bad thing at all


I'm thinking of starting this whole thing with a good friend of mine who has similar anxiety issues around women but with different severity.

I don't feel ready to go solo. Just don't feel strong enough, especially after some of the stuff I went through today.


----------



## bsd3355

Canucklehead said:


> Nah man, I've never even approached anyone in real life before that I didn't already know.
> 
> I'm not into just walking up to chicks and having pick up lines, I feel like I lose part of my charm or something if I do that. Especially if they are attractive, they probably get approached all the time, so not being one of those guys is kind of endearing, I think...
> 
> Whatever.


You dont have to use lines. You can still be yourself. Ill stop arguing about it tho
Anything works really if you can just talk to more girls


----------



## Ivan AG

Oh and for the record, here's my OK cupid profile.

I was really feeling hesitant about exposing this a couple of days ago but I just don't care that much right now.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Does every guy on Earth have to go through this just to get into a normal relationship?
> 
> I feel like with this cold approaching we're doing what 90% of the guys will never do and WE are the ones with the "disorder".


Exactly...90% of guys won't do it..which makes those that do stand out THAT much more. And it also makes guys with SA gain confidence in this arena at a very fast rate. Also, it has nothing to do with using lines and everything to do with just being yourself. Canucklehead was lucky enough to already know a bunch of girls, but for us guys who don't have this social circle of girls to talk to, cold approaching is the quickest way to get things going. For me, when I started this, having 0 friends and 0 acquaintances outside of the old fogeys at work left me with only this option and online dating. They paid off though. Oh yeh - and the hottest girls usually don't get approached as much as the pretty girls because guys are intimidated by them. During the day, most girls rarely get approached at all, so again..doing so makes you stand out.


----------



## pete24

Profile dont work Ivan?



I just had that POF girl actually ask for my number, I was starting to get by her living in same village as ex, but... her last relationship was under a month ago... potential rebound... im out


----------



## Canucklehead

rymo said:


> Exactly...90% of guys won't do it..which makes those that do stand out THAT much more. And it also makes guys with SA gain confidence in this arena at a very fast rate. Also, it has nothing to do with using lines and everything to do with just being yourself. Canucklehead was lucky enough to already know a bunch of girls, but for us guys who don't have this social circle of girls to talk to, cold approaching is the quickest way to get things going. For me, when I started this, having 0 friends and 0 acquaintances outside of the old fogeys at work left me with only this option and online dating. They paid off though. Oh yeh - and the hottest girls usually don't get approached as much as the pretty girls because guys are intimidated by them. During the day, most girls rarely get approached at all, so again..doing so makes you stand out.


I'd like for a female to weigh in on this discussion.

See what her thoughts would be. It might be skewed because of the social anxiety though.

--

Also, I've never really had a social circle of girls, things just kind of randomly happened through school. Nowadays though, I really don't socialize that much since I've moved to Kelowna, and online dating is pretty much my mainstay.

Like I said before, more power to you guys that can go through with this. I just can't. I friendzone myself first, and kind of hope that something comes of it.


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> Profile dont work Ivan?
> 
> I just had that POF girl actually ask for my number, I was starting to get by her living in same village as ex, but... her last relationship was under a month ago... potential rebound... im out


It's not opening?

That's weird, link's working for me.


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> It's not opening?
> 
> That's weird, link's working for me.


the link itself goes direct to to:

okcupid.com/profile

so thats just your profile in links to when your logged in (so when I click it goes to my profile, when someone else clicks it goes to their profile etc).


----------



## Ivan AG

So how do I link it properly? :blank


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> So how do I link it properly? :blank


You can Google "okcupid [your username]" and copy the URL that comes up.


----------



## Ivan AG

*http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Ivan_AG*

*I've got the most creative usernames yo. *

Dat creativity. ​


----------



## VirginKing

I'm getting out of the obese category, into the overweight category

after that, it's going to be the job aspects

after that, I think I'm going to have to get a testicle implant.


----------



## falling down

VirginKing said:


> I'm getting out of the obese category, into the overweight category
> 
> after that, it's going to be the job aspects
> 
> after that, *I think I'm going to have to get a testicle implant.*


Why?


----------



## VirginKing

falling down said:


> Why?


Heh, that was sort of meant as a side-line joke. Having new pair of balls to revamp the confidence. Guess i couldn't pull it off properly.

But honestly, with the way things are going right now, I wouldn't be surprised what to expect in the coming years.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> *http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Ivan_AG*
> 
> *I've got the most creative usernames yo. *
> 
> Dat creativity. ​


Good-looking guy. Could look good if you bulked up a bit as well, but doesn't really matter. Looks are certainly not your issue. Profile is too wordy. You don't want to give too much info right away...just enough to get girls interested. In other words, going into all the minutia of your tennis heroes, while interesting in its own right, is not really an attention-grabber, and would better be served for an actual conversation with someone. Think about it this way: girls like some mystery in a guy, so it would best serve you to say the same amount or less with less words to wow them, and then later on go into more details. I'm tired as **** right now so I can't give that mug constructive criticism, but read this :

http://www.practicalhappiness.com/example-good-online-dating-profile-attract-women/

Your profile would fall under the resume-type profile. Remember, you're not applying for a job - you're trying to attract a hot babe. Anyways, it's a good place to start, and you clearly have a lot of interests and other things to work with.


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Good-looking guy. Could look good if you bulked up a bit as well, but doesn't really matter. Looks are certainly not your issue. Profile is too wordy. You don't want to give too much info right away...just enough to get girls interested. In other words, going into all the minutia of your tennis heroes, while interesting in its own right, is not really an attention-grabber, and would better be served for an actual conversation with someone. Think about it this way: girls like some mystery in a guy, so it would best serve you to say the same amount or less with less words to wow them, and then later on go into more details. I'm tired as **** right now so I can't give that mug constructive criticism, but read this :
> 
> http://www.practicalhappiness.com/example-good-online-dating-profile-attract-women/
> 
> Your profile would fall under the resume-type profile. Remember, you're not applying for a job - you're trying to attract a hot babe. Anyways, it's a good place to start, and you clearly have a lot of interests and other things to work with.


Massive respect for this.

I'll work on trying to shorten the profile and being more succinct with my descriptions.

Do you think I'm going way overboard with the whole "6 things I could never do without"?

I did those when I was in a manic state last week and haven't changed them.


----------



## pete24

Yea agree with rymo... you mention tennis and go into too much detail. If anything you profile is good but its perhaps too much, you give it all away, women seeing it will either think "yawn, im done reading already" or "not a tennis freak".

On both things I say they could think no... I mean no offence, yes you like tennis, but thats it. "I like tennis" (not written like that but thats how short it should be about tennis). Short simple, if they like tennis too, they will talk about it with you.

dont say "ill put down the usual corny stuff"... ignore putting that paragraph, just get to the point of it... 

I find when you bracket stuff, it adds too much, like... saying about internet connection? A lot of women will think pfft... seeya. Brackets are way too much. 

"On a typical friday night I am..."

Tennis again = 



I love tennis myself, but your profile is tennis filled, Sterotypically the only women into tennis are A level degree women who wouldnt be lurking on dating sites.

Picture 1 = I like it, Face yup, Hair, dont know but im not female... Its just a picture, you out and about, typical clothing for your age (good), obviously a slim guy, good picture.

Picture 2 = I dont know, good, hand positions, too loose, like almost a nervous pose (iv done many of them myself), clothes suit you (jacket may look a bit tight....but again its preference)

Picture 3 = The concern, too blurred, maybe hand positing is nervous, same top as other pic... hmm.... 


All in all, a good profile, your getting there mate


----------



## pete24

my pof.... again only gonna leave it up for an hour


edi: my pof link gone


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> Yea agree with rymo... you mention tennis and go into too much detail. If anything you profile is good but its perhaps too much, you give it all away, women seeing it will either think "yawn, im done reading already" or "not a tennis freak".
> 
> On both things I say they could think no... I mean no offence, yes you like tennis, but thats it. "I like tennis" (not written like that but thats how short it should be about tennis). Short simple, if they like tennis too, they will talk about it with you.
> 
> dont say "ill put down the usual corny stuff"... ignore putting that paragraph, just get to the point of it...
> 
> I find when you bracket stuff, it adds too much, like... saying about internet connection? A lot of women will think pfft... seeya. Brackets are way too much.
> 
> "On a typical friday night I am..."
> 
> Tennis again =
> 
> I love tennis myself, but your profile is tennis filled, Sterotypically the only women into tennis are A level degree women who wouldnt be lurking on dating sites.
> 
> *Picture 1 = I like it, Face yup, Hair, dont know but im not female... Its just a picture, you out and about, typical clothing for your age (good), obviously a slim guy, good picture.
> 
> Picture 2 = I dont know, good, hand positions, too loose, like almost a nervous pose (iv done many of them myself), clothes suit you (jacket may look a bit tight....but again its preference)* *
> 
> Picture 3 = The concern, too blurred, maybe hand positing is nervous, same top as other pic... hmm.... *
> 
> All in all, a good profile, your getting there mate


Yes, yes and yes.

I WAS feeling the nerves on 2/3 of those pictures. The first one is basically the only "natural" one where my face was relaxed.

Anyhow, I'll keep that point about tennis in mind.

I need to expand my interests I think, because outside of tennis, there really isn't that much going on for me.

Maybe personal development should be a goal before dating?


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> Maybe personal development should be a goal before dating?


Not at all, your ready to date, you want to, so sod it, go for it,


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Yes, yes and yes.
> 
> I WAS feeling the nerves on 2/3 of those pictures. The first one is basically the only "natural" one where my face was relaxed.
> 
> Anyhow, I'll keep that point about tennis in mind.
> 
> I need to expand my interests I think, because outside of tennis, there really isn't that much going on for me.
> 
> Maybe personal development should be a goal before dating?


Personal.development should always be a goal...does that mean you can't date yet? Nah. When I started I had a car, a job, and working out. That's it. Literally nothing else going on. Oh yeh, just one thing - extreme SA. I said **** it - so can you.

You don't even have to write about all of your interests in your profile. My profile literally said NOTHING about myself. I'm not saying it was the most effective thing ever, but it was short and sweet and grabbed attention. When I finally get power back I can grab it from my computer and post it here.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Made a post in "casual encounters" just for the hell of it and I just logged into my email and I had 7 replies by girls wanting to hook up :eek

Check these 2 out.

















( I'm not actually gonna do it btw )


----------



## The Professor

I'm not doing anything because girls suck


----------



## pete24

not to my likings, maybe fake profiles? but still, deffo a confidence boost


I would post up my newest finding but... ahh sod it... 10 min link is up  nobody quote it...



on right


EDIT: Times up, deleted link to pic


----------



## rymo

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Made a post in "casual encounters" just for the hell of it and I just logged into my email and I had 7 replies by girls wanting to hook up :eek
> 
> Check these 2 out.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ( I'm not actually gonna do it btw )


LOL. Craigslist?

#2 is smoking.


----------



## rymo

The Professor said:


> I'm not doing anything because girls suck


Ahhh...guys are more your thing. Well, to each their own. Cheers!


----------



## VirginKing

Not that there's anything wrong with that !


----------



## RelinquishedHell

rymo said:


> LOL. Craigslist?
> 
> #2 is smoking.


:lol Yeah.

I figured I would just get a bunch of replies from gay dudes, but I only got one of those lol.

If these girls are so willing, i could only imagine how many miles they must have on them uke


----------



## The Professor

Nah but why go out of your way and change yourself to get a girl



rymo said:


> Ahhh...guys are more your thing. Well, to each their own. Cheers!





VirginKing said:


> Not that there's anything wrong with that !


----------



## rymo

The Professor said:


> Nah but why go out of your way and change yourself to get a girl


All good things in life take work. As for changing yourself, it's more about being yourself to the best of your ability - and if you label a change from a shy, SA-filled guy to one of confidence a bad thing, then I guess it's not for you. Just realize that this "I don't want to change for a girl" attitude is BY FAR the most common excuse from guys on here. I think I see a pattern...


----------



## Barette

Canucklehead said:


> I'd like for a female to weigh in on this discussion.
> 
> See what her thoughts would be. It might be skewed because of the social anxiety though.


I read this thread a lot cause I'm so impressed by you guys going out and doing this stuff, cause I never could, so I think I'll weigh in if it's alright.

I think approaching is definitely a positive move. Girls don't get approached as often as guys think, and when I have had friends who do have that happen often enough, they're pretty, but a cute kind of pretty. One of my friends, I know it's mean, but I was really shocked when she said she was disappointed no guys asked for her number while we were in B&N (I should've asked more questions cause I'm still honestly shocked). Rymo's right that the hottest girls don't get approached nearly as often as the pretty/cute girls, usually they're just admired from a far (I've watched a few guys stare after a really attractive woman, then as soon as she looks in their direction they look straight at the ground). 
Plus, girls are just really flattered by this. As long as it's not done lasciviously, and as long as you read her body language to see if she just doesn't want to be talked to for w/e reason, girls really do enjoy getting the attention. So if you do approach, it makes you memorable and look confident, and those are two good things impressions in a girl's mind. I've never really been approached (just once at 12 so it was creepy), but even just being smiled at or having something said to me, just having that attention, it's nice.

So from a girl's perspective, it is a good method.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> I read this thread a lot cause I'm so impressed by you guys going out and doing this stuff, cause I never could, so I think I'll weigh in if it's alright.
> 
> I think approaching is definitely a positive move. Girls don't get approached as often as guys think, and when I have had friends who do have that happen often enough, they're pretty, but a cute kind of pretty. One of my friends, I know it's mean, but I was really shocked when she said she was disappointed no guys asked for her number while we were in B&N (I should've asked more questions cause I'm still honestly shocked). Rymo's right that the hottest girls don't get approached nearly as often as the pretty/cute girls, usually they're just admired from a far (I've watched a few guys stare after a really attractive woman, then as soon as she looks in their direction they look straight at the ground).
> Plus, girls are just really flattered by this. As long as it's not done lasciviously, and as long as you read her body language to see if she just doesn't want to be talked to for w/e reason, girls really do enjoy getting the attention. So if you do approach, it makes you memorable and look confident, and those are two good things impressions in a girl's mind. I've never really been approached (just once at 12 so it was creepy), but even just being smiled at or having something said to me, just having that attention, it's nice.
> 
> So from a girl's perspective, it is a good method.


----------



## Barette

Haha XDXD (I love that song more than I'd ever admit)

ETA: Plus, it makes a girl feel special that someone saw her as attractive and wanted to approach her, and girls are competitive, so feeling making her feel that win is def something in your favor too.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> Haha XDXD (I love that song more than I'd ever admit)


Yes we all have our guilty pleasures. Mine is One Direction but if you tell anyone I WILL kill you.


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Mine is One Direction


All respect gone out the window for you now my friend....

*puts on some sclub7*


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> Yes we all have our guilty pleasures. Mine is One Direction but if you tell anyone I WILL kill you.


Haha, honestly I can't judge that, they're pretty awesome. I'll even admit to singing "That's What Makes You Beautiful" and "One Thing" to my pug.


----------



## AussiePea

Nice to hear it from the other perspective, doesn't make it any less horrifyingly scary when it comes to approaching for me though xD. One day, maybe one day.


----------



## Zeeshan

Nothing to report, 

Hoping for a great November, I have a really good feeling about this month.


----------



## Barette

^I'd imagine it's terrifying! I could never do it, honestly I really am so impressed by the guys in here who go up to girls and talk, especially if they ask for numbers. I can't even smile back if someone smiles at me.


----------



## Ivan AG

AussiePea said:


> Nice to hear it from the other perspective, doesn't make it any less horrifyingly scary when it comes to approaching for me though xD. One day, maybe one day.


That day can be tomorrow!

You don't have to wait years!


----------



## The Professor

rymo said:


> All good things in life take work. As for changing yourself, it's more about being yourself to the best of your ability - and if you label a change from a shy, SA-filled guy to one of confidence a bad thing, then I guess it's not for you. Just realize that this "I don't want to change for a girl" attitude is BY FAR the most common excuse from guys on here. I think I see a pattern...


Oh I noticed that most guys on here are always trying to be more confident and looking for ways to make themselves better so girls will like them. All you have to do is open your mouth, it doesn't matter if you have no life or whatever people are worried about.


----------



## AussiePea

Ivan AG said:


> That day can be tomorrow!
> 
> You don't have to wait years!


Well I'm hoping I don't have to which is why I prefer online dating since it completely skips that initial approach step altogether. Had success with the sites as well, just not found anyone I click with....yet.



The Professor said:


> Oh I noticed that most guys on here are always trying to be more confident and looking for ways to make themselves better so girls will like them. All you have to do is open your mouth, it doesn't matter if you have no life or whatever people are worried about.


At the end of the day I agree, I mean the person you rally click with and who really clicks with you will be someone who is into the "real" you, not your facade to hopefully increase your chances. That being said, improving this "facade" may work in the way that it can help improve confidence and enable you to learn from various experiences which come along. Certainly no harm in improving ones confidence and stigma whilst still maintaining their ideals and being true to themselves either.


----------



## Zeeshan

I am heavily debating whether to ask out a girl at work or not. Its not the fear that bothers me, but rather that if she says no, or for whatever reason doesn't have dinner with me, it could get out at work and then everyone would know.

I work in a very social type of environment, obv she would tell person 1 who would tell person 2 who would tell person 3....and so on.

Risk: No Response, plus everyone knowing which could damage reputation at work.
Reward: Yes response, and a date with a great girl

See the thing is that if word got out that she wasnt interested, then i dont know it would really skew the way people see me at work. I have to give a lot of orders to guys around my own age at work, and i think it could damage that.


----------



## VirginKing

Zeeshan said:


> I am heavily debating whether to ask out a girl at work or not. Its not the fear that bothers me, but rather that if she says no, or for whatever reason doesn't have dinner with me, it could get out at work and then everyone would know.
> 
> I work in a very social type of environment, obv she would tell person 1 who would tell person 2 who would tell person 3....and so on.
> 
> Risk: No Response, plus everyone knowing which could damage reputation at work.
> Reward: Yes response, and a date with a great girl
> 
> See the thing is that if word got out that she wasnt interested, then i dont know it would really skew the way people see me at work. I have to give a lot of orders to guys around my own age at work, and i think it could damage that.


That's the thing, we can't all have our cake and eat it as well. There's usually always an obstacle or two to overcome.

But you must ask yourself, if not now, then when? And what if this is the only chance you're ever going to get. You have to be able to crawl through mud before you can walk on water(whatever that's suppose to mean)

Instead of going straightly direct, how bout as a friendship type approach, see if she's semi-interested, then go from there.


----------



## Malek

Zeeshan said:


> I am heavily debating whether to ask out a girl at work or not. Its not the fear that bothers me, but rather that if she says no, or for whatever reason doesn't have dinner with me, it could get out at work and then everyone would know.
> 
> I work in a very social type of environment, obv she would tell person 1 who would tell person 2 who would tell person 3....and so on.
> 
> Risk: No Response, plus everyone knowing which could damage reputation at work.
> Reward: Yes response, and a date with a great girl
> 
> See the thing is that if word got out that she wasnt interested, then i dont know it would really skew the way people see me at work. I have to give a lot of orders to guys around my own age at work, and i think it could damage that.


Ugh, I too have been contemplating whether to ask a girl out at work, for the first time ever in my life. But I really put too much emphasis on my reputation. So I think I'm just gonna focus on myself for now and learn how to be myself around available girls. Yeah, the friend approach sounds much safer... I hope it all works out for you in the end.


----------



## HilarityEnsues

anomalous said:


> OK, I'll bite:
> 
> Absolutely nothing.


Same here. Got a girl in my class who tries to give me hints. Unless she come straight out with nothings going to happen. Never understood why women have to play mind games and such. Life isn't a fairytale, I'm not going to don my shiny armor and chase after you on a white horse.


----------



## Twelve Keyz

your mom mainly


----------



## Your dreaming WAKE UP

I am doing nothing... nothing at all to get a girl...


----------



## The Professor

Zeeshan said:


> I am heavily debating whether to ask out a girl at work or not. Its not the fear that bothers me, but rather that if she says no, or for whatever reason doesn't have dinner with me, it could get out at work and then everyone would know.
> 
> I work in a very social type of environment, obv she would tell person 1 who would tell person 2 who would tell person 3....and so on.
> 
> Risk: No Response, plus everyone knowing which could damage reputation at work.
> Reward: Yes response, and a date with a great girl
> 
> See the thing is that if word got out that she wasnt interested, then i dont know it would really skew the way people see me at work. I have to give a lot of orders to guys around my own age at work, and i think it could damage that.


just ask her if she wants to go out as a friend


----------



## Canucklehead

Barette said:


> I read this thread a lot cause I'm so impressed by you guys going out and doing this stuff, cause I never could, so I think I'll weigh in if it's alright.
> 
> I think approaching is definitely a positive move. Girls don't get approached as often as guys think, and when I have had friends who do have that happen often enough, they're pretty, but a cute kind of pretty. One of my friends, I know it's mean, but I was really shocked when she said she was disappointed no guys asked for her number while we were in B&N (I should've asked more questions cause I'm still honestly shocked). Rymo's right that the hottest girls don't get approached nearly as often as the pretty/cute girls, usually they're just admired from a far (I've watched a few guys stare after a really attractive woman, then as soon as she looks in their direction they look straight at the ground).
> Plus, girls are just really flattered by this. As long as it's not done lasciviously, and as long as you read her body language to see if she just doesn't want to be talked to for w/e reason, girls really do enjoy getting the attention. So if you do approach, it makes you memorable and look confident, and those are two good things impressions in a girl's mind. I've never really been approached (just once at 12 so it was creepy), but even just being smiled at or having something said to me, just having that attention, it's nice.
> 
> So from a girl's perspective, it is a good method.


I want a second opinion.


----------



## nautilus

Canucklehead said:


> I want a second opinion.


I've been reading parts of this thread every once in a while, and I actually find it quite interesting and useful. The whole idea of approaching many different people in a short period of time until you make a connection is difficult for me to relate to. But then, finding and trying out new ways of thinking are good for getting out of the same old patterns. It sounds to me like some people prefer to look for signs of attraction first before putting in the time to get to know someone, whereas others prefer to get to know someone before looking for signs of attraction. Both of those approaches are important skills to have, and it's up to the individual how they want to balance them.

As far as my opinion of guys who approach women, make their interest clear, or even just start a conversation, I have a lot of respect for them because I know how hard it is to do that. Personally I tend to be much more interested in guys I know well. But can they tell? Probably not. Maybe that's why it's easier to read and communicate interest when you don't know someone very well; there's less at stake and it's easier to set the president for this thing called "flirting" I've heard so much about.

What else do you want to know?


----------



## Canucklehead

nautilus said:


> What else do you want to know?


What are you doing this Friday? :boogie


----------



## Malek

So yeah, yesterday I missed the Halloween party cause I had to close at work. My bro told me I didn't miss much but I think he was lying to make me feel better. I hate missed opportunities like this, I've recently actually been trying to put myself out there lately but it's getting difficult to remain in a positive mindset, especially when fate does this crap to me. I kinda just wanna give up and go back into my secure bubble world. Hell, I can't even get into the friend-zone, my SA is so bad I don't even think I show up on anyone's radar. Yep, I'm done for now. Gotta obsess over improving myself still. I lost quite a bit of weight, went from a 34 to 32 inch waist, got a raise recently at work, but obviously it's never enough. Perhaps if I got buff and a promotion then I would start to like myself. 

What was that saying? "Can't miss a place you've never been?" I highly doubt that, people can have fairly awesome imaginations.


----------



## Canucklehead

nautilus said:


> What else do you want to know?


In all seriousness though, would you find it disingenuous if a guy befriended you to get to know you better, with the intent of seeing if you are relationship material? Assuming that you don't know about his intentions.

Also, what's the best way to go about making a move from being a friend?

Notice that I don't mean friend zone, as that implies that the girl wouldn't be interested after you put your feelings out there.


----------



## nautilus

Canucklehead said:


> What are you doing this Friday? :boogie


Aha, wishing I was in Canada 



Canucklehead said:


> In all seriousness though, would you find it disingenuous if a guy befriended you to get to know you better, with the intent of seeing if you are relationship material? Assuming that you don't know about his intentions.


In general I don't think it would be disingenuous. The only times when this has bothered me is when the guy is _only_ interested in dating me, but ultimately doesn't treat me with the basic respect a friend would if I'm not interested. But if you're willing to remain friends if the other person isn't interested after all, or even just acquaintances, there's really nothing disrespectful about it. Now, if I like the guy I certainly don't mind him trying to get to know me, but trying to decode whether he's interested or not can be rather frustrating to say the least.



Canucklehead said:


> Also, what's the best way to go about making a move from being a friend?
> 
> Notice that I don't mean friend zone, as that implies that the girl wouldn't be interested after you put your feelings out there.


I'm trying to figure out the same question. But I remember reading somewhere on the internets that when girls say they want to be "friends" with a guy first, what they really mean is that they want to _trust_ the guy first. I think there's a subtle distinction in there; they want the trust aspect of friendship, but mixed with mutual interest/attraction. This seems more or less in line with they way I think of things.

As far as transitioning from being a friend, there's the usual advice of gradually introducing flirting, "accidental" touching, etc. which I agree with. Also, shifting the conversation towards what each of you are looking for in a potential relationship and common interests and activities, and letting different aspects of your personality show (so if you usually just joke around, show your serious side or vice versa)... Pretty much anything that's different from the way you usually interact without completely shocking them or catching them off guard (basically; test the waters while giving them time to adjust). Then, if things seem to be going well but the transition still isn't happening, a more direct or clear move might be needed. By adding in the new way(s) of interacting with the person before being more direct, you'll have a better chance than if you spelled things out immediately after becoming friends. In theory  Further experimentation is needed to verify results.


----------



## Canucklehead

nautilus said:


> Aha, wishing I was in Canada











Take a cat ride here! :teeth


nautilus said:


> I'm trying to figure out the same question. But I remember reading somewhere on the internets that when girls say they want to be "friends" with a guy first, what they really mean is that they want to _trust_ the guy first. I think there's a subtle distinction in there; they want the trust aspect of friendship, but mixed with mutual interest/attraction. This seems more or less in line with they way I think of things.
> 
> As far as transitioning from being a friend, there's the usual advice of gradually introducing flirting, "accidental" touching, etc. which I agree with. Also, shifting the conversation towards what each of you are looking for in a potential relationship and common interests and activities, and letting different aspects of your personality show (so if you usually just joke around, show your serious side or vice versa)... Pretty much anything that's different from the way you usually interact without completely shocking them or catching them off guard (basically; test the waters while giving them time to adjust). Then, if things seem to be going well but the transition still isn't happening, a more direct or clear move might be needed. By adding in the new way(s) of interacting with the person before being more direct, you'll have a better chance than if you spelled things out immediately after becoming friends. In theory  Further experimentation is needed to verify results.


That seems incredibly intricate and confusing.

I've usually just said things like, "hey I have a crush on you", or "I kind of like you". Yeah I know, It's like I'm still in high school, but I've had reasonable success, so I've just kept using what works. >_> Rejection kind of sucks though, especially if the infatuation is strong. That's one of the downsides of seeing if something develops before making a move.

I'd also like to note, just for a fun fact, that the majority of all my female friends / acquaintances were chicks that I was initially attracted to, but for whatever reason it never progressed to dating.


----------



## rymo

The Professor said:


> Oh I noticed that most guys on here are always trying to be more confident and looking for ways to make themselves better so girls will like them. All you have to do is open your mouth, it doesn't matter if you have no life or whatever people are worried about.


I'm not sure what your point is here, but it's not just about girls. It's about becoming more confident and happy in general. If you truly, deep down cannot stand people and have no interest in become more social (not saying that's the case, but if), then I can see why would be so opposed to bettering yourself....bringing out the best you have to offer. Otherwise, I really don't see the downside (aside from the blood, sweat and tears you have to put in to achieve it). I don't consider myself to have to put on a facade to talk to girls. At first ..I suppose so...considering behind the smile I put on was actually complete misery and anxiety. But what's the alternative ...go up to a girl and frown at her until she gives me her number? There is something to be said about faking it till you make it, but you're only faking your attitude, not your personality. And once you become more confident about it, you're no longer faking it. The anxiety has gone away enough so that you can legitimately smile at a girl. Legitimiately say EVERYTHING YOU want to say to her. You can be REAL without being restricted by your own mind. And that carries over to talking to anyone. This is certainly not the only way to do it (trying to get a girl), but hey, it works for a lot of guys. And I don't know about you but I plan on bettering myself till the day I die, girls or no. Makes me


----------



## bsd3355

Random stuff:

I also think there is some confusion on how to approach girls (strangers) because I think some of you guys view it as just jumping out and saying "Hey, your cute! Let's talk!" That can work in a bar but that's not what I mean by starting a conversation on a street or in a store or w/e.

Obviously, if you approach a stranger in a store or at campus, for instance, and are all up in their face that is often off putting (although, believe it or not, it still works [look at simplepickup]). But for the most part, there are other ways--more appropriate ways (normal ways)--to "cold-approach". In my instance in a store I think starting up a conversation about an observation is good: "Excuse me, have you ever tried these before? Are they any good?" Them wham, into conversation. Easy. Now that's not so douchey is it? No. Or take approaching on campus for example: you can ask for directions, make an observational statement/question or just give a genuine compliment that isn't abrasive. For instance, "Excuse me, I know this is going to be completely random, but I just wanted to tell you I thought you are very pretty" (this has to be delivered in a cheeky way though). Or, "Excuse me, do you know where 'X, Y' is? Oh, OK thanks! Are you a sophomore?" Bam, just opened up conversation.

When I talk about approach women you don't know I don't mean waiting in a dark alley behind a trash can, jumping out and asking if they want to talk. What I mean is being cordial to the situation and environment. Obviously, your goal isn't to freak girls out


----------



## falling down

nautilus said:


> I've been reading parts of this thread every once in a while, and I actually find it quite interesting and useful. The whole idea of approaching many different people in a short period of time until you make a connection is difficult for me to relate to. But then, finding and trying out new ways of thinking are good for getting out of the same old patterns. It sounds to me like some people prefer to look for signs of attraction first before putting in the time to get to know someone, whereas others prefer to get to know someone before looking for signs of attraction. Both of those approaches are important skills to have, and it's up to the individual how they want to balance them.
> 
> As far as my opinion of guys who approach women, make their interest clear, or even just start a conversation, I have a lot of respect for them because I know how hard it is to do that. Personally I tend to be much more interested in guys I know well. But can they tell? Probably not. Maybe that's why it's easier to read and communicate interest when you don't know someone very well; there's less at stake and it's easier to set the president for this thing called "flirting" I've heard so much about.
> 
> What else do you want to know?


If I were you I wouldn't buy in too hard to most if not all of what's been said on this thread. Consider the sources, SAS et al.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Random stuff:
> 
> I also think there is some confusion on how to approach girls (strangers) because I think some of you guys view it as just jumping out and saying "Hey, your cute! Let's talk!" That can work in a bar but that's not what I mean by starting a conversation on a street or in a store or w/e.
> 
> Obviously, if you approach a stranger in a store or at campus, for instance, and are all up in their face that is often off putting (although, believe it or not, it still works [look at simplepickup]). But for the most part, there are other ways--more appropriate ways (normal ways)--to "cold-approach". In my instance in a store I think starting up a conversation about an observation is good: "Excuse me, have you ever tried these before? Are they any good?" Them wham, into conversation. Easy. Now that's not so douchey is it? No. Or take approaching on campus for example: you can ask for directions, make an observational statement/question or just give a genuine compliment that isn't abrasive. For instance, "Excuse me, I know this is going to be completely random, but I just wanted to tell you I thought you are very pretty" (this has to be delivered in a cheeky way though). Or, "Excuse me, do you know where 'X, Y' is? Oh, OK thanks! Are you a sophomore?" Bam, just opened up conversation.
> 
> When I talk about approach women you don't know I don't mean waiting in a dark alley behind a trash can, jumping out and asking if they want to talk. What I mean is being cordial to the situation and environment. Obviously, your goal isn't to freak girls out


That requires way too much creativity and spontaneity.

I'll have to blurt the first thing that I can think of when I approach a woman or else my SAD will start to kick in.

"Is that an appropriate conversation starter? What if it's too weird?" etc etc.

Personally I really think SimplePickup had demonstrated the effects of being self-assured and confident to the maximum possible effect.

They say the most outrageous crap in women's faces but because they're so detached from the outcome they get away with it.


----------



## bsd3355

falling down said:


> If I were you I wouldn't buy in too hard to most if not all of what's been said on this thread. Consider the sources, SAS et al.


Why are you knocking down this idea? Just because this is a SAS forum doesn't mean anything. People here are people too. You sound very aggressive towards a certain disgust you have for meeting new people, and I personally don't get that--or actually, I assume you are just protecting your claim for your disgust of people being social and tlaking to new people. Am I defending my stance? Absolutely, because I don't see anything wrong with it.

I haven't had SA since I was 18 or so. Just because you can't do something or don't like something you shouldn't knock people down for trying to improve their lives or meet new people.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> That requires way too much creativity and spontaneity.
> 
> I'll have to blurt the first thing that I can think of when I approach a woman or else my SAD will start to kick in.
> 
> "Is that an appropriate conversation starter? What if it's too weird?" etc etc.
> 
> Personally I really think SimplePickup had demonstrated the effects of being self-assured and confident to the maximum possible effect.
> 
> They say the most outrageous crap in women's faces but because they're so detached from the outcome they get away with it.


Starting off you will feel awkward and it will be awkward just like most things in life and most people respond to the way you feel. However, the same can be said about someone who is confident and comfortable talking to new people, those people will reciprocate the same way.

You are viewing the task ahead of you through your current state, which isn't the state for a lot of people, especially people who learn to become confident through overcoming their fears. You can't go from point 0 to 10 without experiencing the fears and growing and getting confident from them. It took me a long, long time to be able to talk to girls and start up conversations. I was where you were at once. The only difference between me and you is I've approached a **** ton of more girls and probably have had a lot more experiences than you which built my confidence and comfort. Yes, you can learn how to be comfortable talking to random people. It's just another way of socializing in my opinion.

I don't even view myself at the end of my process because from the very start I knew it'd take a long time which is why I stick to it. Some people don't understand this until they see me actually accomplishing my goals then they say I'm "lucky" or w/e. Naw man, it takes work like everything else. I have a long, long, long way to go yet from where I want to be.

People want the "magic pill" or result without doing the work that it takes to get it. You can't control women ultimately, and you don't want to, but you can control how you think, react and respond to life in general. If you want something then work towards it. Don't expect something that is hard to you to be easy. That's like saying you can go from basic math to calc 3 and get an "A" in the class. You need to be kind on yourself and admit you need to work on yourself and grow and have faith that eventually you'll get to where you want to be. Everything in life is like this.


----------



## Ivan AG

Yeah,yeah I've heard this before. I know it's going to take effort but the hardest part is starting.

There's so many questions. "I'm a ready enough? How do I react if she starts laughing out loud? ...........................................................................


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan G, check out this video:


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Yeah,yeah I've heard this before. I know it's going to take effort but the hardest part is starting.
> 
> There's so many questions. "I'm a ready enough? How do I react if she starts laughing out loud? ...........................................................................


btw, I'll be very upfront with you and say that no one is going to hold your hand and walk you through what you need to do. you need to accept that you're going to be laughed at, rejected and humiliated more times than you can count. if you can't accept that then you won't do what it takes to succeed. i pretty much gave you everything you need to know. the rest is on you. there is reward at the end because you learn and grow a lot as a person. you probably can't even see the lessons you learn ahead of you until you do it. and those of you guys who say "it's too much this or that" then you just don't want it bad enough and chance are you won't ever succeed in that area because you won't learn what it takes to make it happen and be at ease with it. it's not always hard. starting off is always the hardest part and it can be hard for a while.


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## Ivan AG

delete post


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Why are you knocking down this idea? Just because this is a SAS forum doesn't mean anything. People here are people too. You sound very aggressive towards a certain disgust you have for meeting new people, and I personally don't get that--or actually, I assume you are just protecting your claim for your disgust of people being social and tlaking to new people. Am I defending my stance? Absolutely, because I don't see anything wrong with it.
> 
> I haven't had SA since I was 18 or so. Just because you can't do something or don't like something you shouldn't knock people down for trying to improve their lives or meet new people.


Please, until falling down has anything constructive to say, just ignore him.

On another note, I agree with you that the "hey you're cute" approach is not necessary, but to me it accomplishes so much right off the bat. You make your intentions clear (which means she wont sit there wondering, "what's this guy want?", and you'll get less flakes after you get the number), it shows confidence, it makes a girl's day if you say it with enthusiasm and a smile, and best of all - it's easy to remember!

"Hey I just thought you were adorable and I had to meet you. My name is blah, (shake hand), nice to met you." It's that easy!

I admit I don't approach nearly as much as you, but the times I have the cute line seems to really work wonders. Once you get a girl smiling by saying she's adorable, that also gives a guy a lot of encouragement to keep going. Seeing that visceral reaction. Of course, nothing works 100% of the time but because this way is so simple, I'm going to stick with it. Unless there is an obvious situational opener.

For example, I was at a walk-in clinic a few days ago because the doctor's office didn't have power and I needed to know wtf was wrong with me (mono ), and a cute girl sat next to me in the waiting room. Some guy walks in and groans about how long the wait is when he sees all the people waiting, so I say to her, "every single person that has come in here so far has said that." And she was like, "really?" I replied, "oh yeh...and from the looks of things you'll be waiting about 4 hours." We shared a laugh, and unfortunately I was completely wrong as she was just picking up a prescription and left a minute later, but I was just glad I talked to her and had a short but normal conversation. It's not as rocket -sciencey as we think, we don't have to be Jerry Seinfeld and make crazy observations about evryhing, just relax..don't think too much..and go for it.


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> btw, I'll be very upfront with you and say that no one is going to hold your hand and walk you through what you need to do. you need to accept that you're going to be laughed at, rejected and humiliated more times than you can count. if you can't accept that then you won't do what it takes to succeed. i pretty much gave you everything you need to know. the rest is on you. there is reward at the end because you learn and grow a lot as a person. you probably can't even see the lessons you learn ahead of you until you do it. and those of you guys who say "it's too much this or that" then you just don't want it bad enough and chance are you won't ever succeed in that area because you won't learn what it takes to make it happen and be at ease with it. it's not always hard. starting off is always the hardest part and it can be hard for a while.


Tough love...but it's true..the only way I ever made any progress from being a complete loser who couldn't say a word, to a guy with some semblance of a life was to give it 100% of my being...kick and scratch and claw my way out of this hole I was in. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever done (besides recovering from a deep depression during college): facing rejections, learning hard lessons...I'm always still learning but that initial struggle was where I learned that I can do it if I put my mind to it. You just HAVE to give it your all and NOT give up. But you WILL succeed if you stick with it. Suck up rejection and just keep plowing forward, learning from.your mistakes and appreciating all of the little victories. First goal: simply approach a girl. You do that, that's a major accomplishment.


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## bsd3355

2 numbers from campus just now


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> 2 numbers from campus just now


Nice! God damn I wish I weren't sick...I am dying to get out there.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Please, until falling down has anything constructive to say, just ignore him.
> 
> On another note, I agree with you that the "hey you're cute" approach is not necessary, but to me it accomplishes so much right off the bat. You make your intentions clear (which means she wont sit there wondering, "what's this guy want?", and you'll get less flakes after you get the number), it shows confidence, it makes a girl's day if you say it with enthusiasm and a smile, and best of all - it's easy to remember!


Actually, you're right. If you can do it in a way that isn't awkward I would say your chances are better. I did that today actually. I saw a girl and I approached her and asked for directions, asked if she was a freshman (she was a senior!), talked very briefly, and asked her name; when she told me I said "Well, Ashely, I must say you are very pretty" and she digged it!

Chalk up what I said. Basically, what I meant was just don't do it in an awkward way and you can get away with a lot.

Ivan G was on point when he posted earlier about being congruent and genuine with your compliments. THat goes a long way. Believe it or not, you don't HAVE to be genuine, but it helps more often than not because the girl will appreciate genuine behavior.


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## srschirm

So much inspiration in this thread. I'm gaining more confidence daily and am approaching the point where I'll be cold-approaching like y'all.


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## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> So much inspiration in this thread. I'm gaining more confidence daily and am approaching the point where I'll be cold-approaching like y'all.


Sweet man! Stay inspired and give it a go! You'll learn a lot! We all need inspiration!


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Please, until falling down has anything constructive to say, just ignore him.


He has a right to say what he feels like everyone else. I'm not trying to say he can't do or believe what he wants, but when it comes to something I think is positive, I'll defend it. If something someone says corrects me, and if I can see it, I'll own up to that and admit I was wrong. I don't want to really discourage people from thinking what they want to think because then I'd be a hypocrite.


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> He has a right to say what he feels like everyone else. I'm not trying to say he can't do or believe what he wants, but when it comes to something I think is positive, I'll defend it. If something someone says corrects me, and if I can see it, I'll own up to that and admit I was wrong.


But he didn't say anything constructive or relevant in any way. Normally I don't care, but I would imagine there's a reason why about 50 people are trying to get him banned right now.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> But he didn't say anything constructive or relevant in any way. Normally I don't care, but I would imagine there's a reason why about 50 people are trying to get him banned right now.


Wow, well, I know nothing of that lol

fyi folks, i encourage different points of view, but if i disagree with them I'll tell you why


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## Ivan AG

The situational approach (talking about cues from the environment) sounds like very solid advice.

My biggest fear (or one of the biggest) is the *awkwardness* of just going up to a random woman minding her own business and trying to create a* normal situation* out of it.


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## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> The situational approach (talking about cues from the environment) sounds like very solid advice.
> 
> My biggest fear (or one of the biggest) is the *awkwardness* of just going up to a random woman minding her own business and trying to create a* normal situation* out of it.


Understandable...since especially during the day most guys won't just approach a random girl - it's not "the norm" - especially if you have SA. But the key thing to remember is that if YOU keep your cool and YOU act like it's normal, she will start to feed off of that energy and she will feel comfortable as well. In fact, as you continue engaging her she will very likely temporarily forget what she was even doing to begin with before she met you.


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## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> My biggest fear (or one of the biggest) is the *awkwardness* of just going up to a random woman minding her own business and trying to create a* normal situation* out of it.


Yea I think its mine too. I look at society as well and the way some women build massive ego's and can stick their noses up at anyone they dont see as adequate.

Years ago I did used to approach some women, women in clubs, bars.. But I was shot down bigtime by many.

I remember specifically chatting to this woman in a club. I was near enough sober. We were having a nice chat, then she went off and next thing I know this bouncer is asking me to leave for pestering this woman (she was just humoring me and making a joke out of my attempts by leading me on).

Then another woman I spent most the night with, all went well, bought her some drinks, and when I asked for her number at the end she said "No, I have a boyfriend"... So was using me for drinks.

I recall another time too, when I was out with 3 old male friends. I was chatting to this woman who knew 1 of my male friends. As soon as I approached she had already decided "no chance". But I didnt know this. Her and my 1 friend who knew her thought my pulling attempt could be treated like a joke... That friend said to me in front of her "you like her?" I said "Yea she seems a nice girl" and they both laughed and I realised I was the centre of their joke


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## rymo

pete24 said:


> Then another woman I spent most the night with, all went well, bought her some drinks, and when I asked for her number at the end she said "No, I have a boyfriend"... So was using me for drinks.


This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never buy a random girl in a bar/club drinks.


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## bsd3355

Yeah, i never buy girls drinks i dont know. A lot of girls assume you should buy them drinks because you are talking to them. Ive got that a lot


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## nautilus

Canucklehead said:


> That seems incredibly intricate and confusing.


That's probably because I tend to be unnecessarily verbose :roll



Canucklehead said:


> I've usually just said things like, "hey I have a crush on you", or "I kind of like you". Yeah I know, It's like I'm still in high school, but I've had reasonable success, so I've just kept using what works. >_> Rejection kind of sucks though, especially if the infatuation is strong. That's one of the downsides of seeing if something develops before making a move.


Yeah, I usually force myself to be direct and ask a guy to lunch (even if it's awkward) once I've gotten to know him, since my "signals" are about as clear as mud most the time. So far no success with that, other than in once case where I made a new friend. But I can see how it might work, if the other person already likes you in that way and was just waiting for more clarity.

I guess what I'm getting at is that asking someone out or saying something direct about being interested in them requires the other person to make a decision. If you're already friends, you already know you enjoy each other's company in general. But now it's asking them to add a new aspect to your relationship, and they may or may not have considered it. If, on the other hand, there's been flirting etc. during the process of getting to know them, it makes it easier for them to make that decision because they've seen and experienced some degree of that potential for being "more than friends".

Hope that makes a little more sense.


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## Ivan AG

I'm so oblivious to messaging.

This girl keeps writing "xx" at the end of her messages which I now found out means kissing or at the very least flirting but I used to overlook them thinking they're some kind of typos. :doh


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## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> I'm so oblivious to messaging.
> 
> This girl keeps writing "xx" at the end of her messages which I now found out means kissing or at the very least flirting but I used to overlook them thinking they're some kind of typos. :doh


lol...no worries man. those things are stupid anyway. xoxoxo


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## Rossy

Still nowt.


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## rymo

Rossy said:


> Still nowt.


k


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## bsd3355

So, I have this "feeling" that of the four girls I got a number from this week, only one of them will go on a "date" with me. I think the rest aren't interested enough, which is fine and I'm not complaining, just saying.

The two numbers I got Monday, both were super receptive and cool; one of them stopped texting me after me giving her my full name and her finding out I had no facebook. Either that, or she found out I posted some raps in the past online and probably thought differently (probably not), but she has stopped texting me even after I tried contacting her a few times afterward. The other girl is still staying in touch but not investing by asking questions or anything or really contributing to the conversation via text, which means she's probably not that interested. I tried getting her to hang out this week but midterms and stuff and I suggested talking on the phone to which she replied "maybe". These are indicators she probably isn't that interested, but at least she's staying in touch for the time being when I initiate texting. I'm leaning 70% she'll disappear on me in the near future.

Today I got two numbers. One of the girls is really keen on talking and is investing in the conversation, etc. I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and grab some coffee or meet up at the student center and she said yes. Was going to set up tomorrow to hang out to keep the excitement somewhat on the high end but our schedules are conflicting so I said this weekend and we will see what happens. The other number I got, the girl seemed somewhat keen in the beginning of the text exchange but weary, asking me if I always "approach random girls" etc. Moved past that and she seemed keen for a couple more texts then hasn't replied to me since, so she's probably not that interested.

So yeah, 4 numbers this week. 2 don't seem interested; 1 is a maybe; and 1 seems keen. That's not bad statistics actually for just meeting each other. Like I said, my next goal is to have two first dates a week with two different girls, and when I understand what it takes to get there somewhat consistently I'll change my goals to something more challenging.

Remember, I'm dating; I'm not asking these girls to be my wife. To me, dating is basically meeting new people so I see nothing wrong with dating multiple people at once for the time being.


----------



## Canucklehead

So quick couple questions for those of you who have been cold approaching:

1) Have you ever approached a chick or group of chicks where a guy was present?

2) Have any of them told you they had a boyfriend already?

3) Have you ever gotten an eye roll, or a pshh?


----------



## bsd3355

Canucklehead said:


> So quick couple questions for those of you who have been cold approaching:
> 
> 1) Have you ever approached a chick or group of chicks where a guy was present?
> 
> 2) Have any of them told you they had a boyfriend already?
> 
> 3) Have you ever gotten an eye roll, or a pshh?


1) Yes

2) Yes

3) Yes


----------



## rymo

Canucklehead said:


> So quick couple questions for those of you who have been cold approaching:
> 
> 1) Have you ever approached a chick or group of chicks where a guy was present?
> 
> 2) Have any of them told you they had a boyfriend already?
> 
> 3) Have you ever gotten an eye roll, or a pshh?


1. Yes, but I admit this is still very tough for me.

2. A husband even

3. A few months ago two girls essentially told me to **** off after I asked them a simple question. Some girls are *****es, aint nothing personal.


----------



## Zeeshan

Just texted my neighbour asking her if she wants to come over and watch a move....no reply yet. Obv my text go their, her lack of her response likely indicates that the answer is no 

Unfortunately


----------



## Cyclonic

Think I'll send a first message to this girl tonight

I normally don't do this, as I can never think of something good to come up with besides something lame.

But I'm feeling it tonight.

I don't care if I go down in flames trying, I'm doing it.


----------



## AussiePea

Not sure what my next step is now that the online dating thing seems to have hit a brick wall (still super suss about that btw). I need to go to more parties and hang out with my room mates and their friends, to meet people in that manner is how I need to approach it, easier said than done of course.


----------



## evginmubutu

I was talking to a great girl on match.com but then abruptly she just stopped responding. I guess I came off the wrong way. I am just not gonna make it on these things, I've decided to give eHarmony a shot because my social circle (small) isn't getting any bigger any time soon. But if that doesn't work I am really up **** creek.


----------



## Canucklehead

komorikun said:


> I've seen how guys do it at clubs. A couple times I went with a male friend/roommate to a party. When I went to the bathroom apparently some guy asked the guy if we were a couple. And other times when I was working on a cute guy, when the guy went to the bathroom, another guy came out of nowhere to chat. Brazilian guys are usually chill so act normal but give a slightly intense stare for a second or two.


That's the thing, if some random guy came up to me while I was with my girlfriend and asked for her number I would probably lose my ****.


----------



## komorikun

Canucklehead said:


> That's the thing, if some random guy came up to me while I was with my girlfriend and asked for her number I would probably lose my ****.


You mean while you were in the bathroom or while the girlfriend was in the bathroom?

When the guy comes back from the bathroom usually the other guy scurries away quickly (willingly). But no fight or anything.


----------



## Josefz27

Going tomorrow w/ some guys to practice talking to girls around the mall. I know, it sounds silly but I need to push myself.


----------



## Canucklehead

komorikun said:


> You mean while you were in the bathroom or while the girlfriend was in the bathroom?
> 
> When the guy comes back from the bathroom usually the other guy scurries away quickly (willingly). But no fight or anything.


Sorry I meant up to her while I was in the bathroom.

I would get slightly upset, even if I knew she told him she was with me. It's kind of a slime ball move on the other guys part.

Now if he came up to me and asked if she was with me, I can respect that.


----------



## AussiePea

Josefz27 said:


> Going tomorrow w/ some guys to practice talking to girls around the mall. I know, it sounds silly but I need to push myself.


Good luck and keep us updated!


----------



## evginmubutu

I don't like this idea of pursuing woman as the most dangerous game known to man, as if we are going out on a hunt. Listen, if she really wants me to ****ing pursue her like an escaped convict that's crazy. We are trying to form an equal relationship why should I put myself 100% on the line and put you in the complete position of power. If I like her I will say so but **** this nonsense about talking to 100 girls a day it's ridiculous.

rant over


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Just texted my neighbour asking her if she wants to come over and watch a move....no reply yet. Obv my text go their, her lack of her response likely indicates that the answer is no
> 
> Unfortunately


Got back to me two hours later telling me she just checked the phone now and was too tires

Just as well I suppose


----------



## rymo

evginmubutu said:


> I don't like this idea of pursuing woman as the most dangerous game known to man, as if we are going out on a hunt. Listen, if she really wants me to ****ing pursue her like an escaped convict that's crazy. We are trying to form an equal relationship why should I put myself 100% on the line and put you in the complete position of power. If I like her I will say so but **** this nonsense about talking to 100 girls a day it's ridiculous.
> 
> rant over


No one's forcing you to do anything....calm down...

But just so you know, the point is to eventually get to the state of mind where you don't actually feel like you're putting yourself on the line. Where the downside (??) of rejection is that you have more time on your hands to talk to other girls, and the upside is...well...sex, friendship, relationship...


----------



## rymo

Josefz27 said:


> Going tomorrow w/ some guys to practice talking to girls around the mall. I know, it sounds silly but I need to push myself.


Doesn't sound silly at all man, it sounds like an awesome challenge and a great way to boost your confidence. It's really nice that you have some friends to support you, that definitely makes it easier.


----------



## rymo

Canucklehead said:


> That's the thing, if some random guy came up to me while I was with my girlfriend and asked for her number I would probably lose my ****.


I don't know if you read an earlier post of mine about this (or maybe it was another topic), but the best way to handle these types of situations is to just play it cool. It's one of the hardest things to realize at first because it's such a threatening situation to a guy with SA, but once you do realize it you almost welcome opportunities like these. It makes you look like such a boss in the girl's eyes.

So - to repeat the story real quick - I was at a bar with a girl. I went to the bathroom, came back, and some decent-looking guy about the same age as me was all up in her face. He was pretty aggressive about it. I think he sort of knew what he was doing, but could have toned it down a tad. Either way, I think I had seen enough Simple Pickup videos to know exactly what to do: I walked over, put my arm around the girl, picked up my drink and said, "Cheers dude," and clinked glasses with him. He just stood there awkwardly for like 5 seconds and then, without knowing what else to do, raised his glass to my girl, who was now squarely focused on me. She didn't notice him at all, so he ends up holding his glass up to her face awkwardly for about 10 seconds until I nod my head towards him. She's like, "Oh!", clinks glasses with him, and he just walks away. After that I was in like flint.

Those are the best opportunities to show how relaxed and confident you are - I was a bit unsure of myself in this situation at first, but watching SP videos and (admittedly) having a bit of alcohol in me certainly helped. But now that I know playing it cool is the way to go, I welcome these situations.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> Think I'll send a first message to this girl tonight
> 
> I normally don't do this, as I can never think of something good to come up with besides something lame.
> 
> But I'm feeling it tonight.
> 
> I don't care if I go down in flames trying, I'm doing it.


That's it man, good luck. And remember, no matter what happens, there's plenty more girls out there.


----------



## bsd3355

evginmubutu said:


> I don't like this idea of pursuing woman as the most dangerous game known to man, as if we are going out on a hunt. Listen, if she really wants me to ****ing pursue her like an escaped convict that's crazy. We are trying to form an equal relationship why should I put myself 100% on the line and put you in the complete position of power. If I like her I will say so but **** this nonsense about talking to 100 girls a day it's ridiculous.
> 
> rant over


100 girls a day?

I've actually heard of this and when I read it I was like "OMG".


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> I've seen how guys do it at clubs. A couple times I went with a male friend/roommate to a party. When I went to the bathroom apparently some guy asked the guy if we were a couple. And other times when I was working on a cute guy, when the guy went to the bathroom, another guy came out of nowhere to chat. Brazilian guys are usually chill so act normal but give a slightly intense stare for a second or two.


Usually I like to come in with my invisible cloak until the guy turns his back and then I reveal myself


----------



## Ivan AG

Albert Ellis was the ultimate daygame player AND he was a legendary REBT therapist as well.

Approaching 100 women in the park during the summer and getting rejected 99 times before getting a number which turned out to be a flake.

What did he do? Fk it, approach 100 more times.

Massive respect.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Albert Ellis was the ultimate daygame player AND he was a legendary REBT therapist as well.
> 
> Approaching 100 women in the park during the summer and getting rejected 99 times before getting a number which turned out to be a flake.
> 
> What did he do? Fk it, approach 100 more times.
> 
> Massive respect.


He did it to get over his fears. I know he approached a lot, but not sure if it was 200. It usually wouldn't take someone 200 times of the same instance to get over their fear, and I think it is also rare you approach 100 times and get rejected back to back unless you truely have no social adeptness at all. Most of the guys on this forums can expect better results than that.


----------



## pete24

HOLY F***!!!!

I changed some words on my POF profile around before going to bed, then got up, logged in, and within 10 mins had 4 messages off women, some hot 1's too... hmmm


----------



## srschirm

Ivan AG said:


> Albert Ellis was the ultimate daygame player AND he was a legendary REBT therapist as well.
> 
> Approaching 100 women in the park during the summer and getting rejected 99 times before getting a number which turned out to be a flake.
> 
> What did he do? Fk it, approach 100 more times.
> 
> Massive respect.


I agree, I love his writings.


----------



## pete24

Wow, 1 of the pof girls from today added me on FB.... and shes smoking hot. Shes even agreed to meet for a drink in the next few weeks :O :O


----------



## bsd3355

Approached a couple girls half-assly. Came in with blah energy. No go for both. I wonder how much ill get rejected if i half-*** it all the time? Probably more rejections. I also should start approaching on the busiest walkways of campus and get used to it. I almost want to practice approaching half-assly to see what happens


----------



## Canucklehead

pete24 said:


> Wow, 1 of the pof girls from today added me on FB.... and shes smoking hot. Shes even agreed to meet for a drink in the next few weeks :O :O


What did you change / add?


----------



## pete24

Canucklehead said:


> What did you change / add?


Basically I made my profile more to the point, Shortened it by half, focused more on putting my hobbys. Before it was 2 or 3 big paragraphs, now its 7 small sentences.

I cant believe today though really, been a brilliant day, That new pof girl I been talking to on FB who I arranged a drink with, POF girl from the other day has been txting and I text this slightly older woman (think shes 33) who I knew when I was working, she came in loads to see me and got my number but I forgot about her, text her and shes been texting back saying im a "very good looking guy"... Bit of a boost, tomorrow im going to the pub (again), maybe feeling a bit more confident and hopefully can get a result


----------



## stoolie

What I'm doing to get chicks:



No, seriously. I'm meeting a friend at a bar later.
There will be no approaching, but at least I'm going out of the house.


----------



## Ivan AG

Guys any of you watched Owen Cook's videos from Real Social Dynamics or went to any of his bootcamps?

The dude is in a perpetual manic state. He's quite motivational but I'm not sure what to think of him.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Guys any of you watched Owen Cook's videos from Real Social Dynamics or went to any of his bootcamps?
> 
> The dude is in a perpetual manic state. He's quite motivational but I'm not sure what to think of him.


Yeah, I've been watching his stuff over a year now. He is a smart guy but his style is pretty intense, for sure. For the most part he speaks the truth but can get pretty brutal (brutally honest and no BS) sometimes. He is a good coach for learning to control yourself and your inner world.


----------



## falling down




----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I've been watching his stuff over a year now. He is a smart guy but his style is pretty intense, for sure. For the most part he speaks the truth but can get pretty brutal (brutally honest and no BS) sometimes. He is a good coach for learning to control yourself and your inner world.


I was watching his one video on being a hard case newbie and being that 1% that's just ****ed up in the first 20 years of their life.

That's pretty fkin scary to think about, that I'm potentially so messed up that 99% of the other guys can't relate to my condition.


----------



## pete24

Big update on my front with the POF girl, took advice from this thread...

Drinks are fully arranged and she called it a "date". The girl is smoking hot, doing well for herself (decent job, flat, plenty of cash), so perhaps some thoughts that shes too good for me. 

Either will be next week or the week after. Got quite a bit of confidence as iv never failed on a date.

Looks very promising as we spoke all day and evening, and as soon as she said shes gotta go to bed, we said bye and she went offline on FB (clear sign she isnt talking to other guys too).


----------



## theseventhkey

pete24 said:


> Looks very promising as we spoke all day and evening, and as soon as she said shes gotta go to bed, we said bye and she went offline on FB *(clear sign she isnt talking to other guys too).*


Hate to be a negative nancy but nothing is always what it "seems" especially on POF.








lol.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I was watching his one video on being a hard case newbie and being that 1% that's just ****ed up in the first 20 years of their life.
> 
> That's pretty fkin scary to think about, that I'm potentially so messed up that 99% of the other guys can't relate to my condition.


Nooooooo

I don't care how bad your social anxiety is, it isn't a concrete thing and you'll be amazed what doing stuff will boost your esteem and confidence. Start doing the things you want despite your fear and your life will change, trust me. Easier said than done, but I had sever social anxiety at one point too but I'm too stubborn to let that **** control me or what I want out of life and so it's in the past now. I feel I am a very confident person today because I don't allow myself to be dictated by my fears IF I want to move forward. Other fears I don't bother with because they aren't blocking me from my goals (like jumping out a plane or something).


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Big update on my front with the POF girl, took advice from this thread...
> 
> Drinks are fully arranged and she called it a "date". The girl is smoking hot, doing well for herself (decent job, flat, plenty of cash), so perhaps some thoughts that shes too good for me.
> 
> Either will be next week or the week after. Got quite a bit of confidence as iv never failed on a date.
> 
> Looks very promising as we spoke all day and evening, and as soon as she said shes gotta go to bed, we said bye and she went offline on FB (clear sign she isnt talking to other guys too).


Yeah, that sounds real good. Ya never know what can happen from now and then and sometimes girls just do that **** in the moment and change their minds later, but hopefully it works out for you. Keep us updated


----------



## Ivan AG

I've never had the **** beaten out of me as a kid nor have I had a hard and brutal childhood, but DAMN that passion.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, that sounds real good. Ya never know what can happen from now and then and sometimes girls just do that **** in the moment and change their minds later, but hopefully it works out for you. Keep us updated


Thanks dude, yea will keep you all updated. From what iv seen it doesnt seem like shes that sort but who knows, lot of odditys online


----------



## ravens

Can somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery. The last couple of days I've had a couple of girls smile at me and I couldn't talk to them.


----------



## bsd3355

Thinking about going to a bar tonight because I'm bored and nothing better to do. Have been trying to avoid bars because I view meeting women there harder lately as I found a groove in college but it's late and a friday. If I go I'm going to go super direct. What I mean is I'm going to just walk up and tell her she's pretty and start talking to her. I just want to build up more numbers. If I go it won't be til after 11 as that's when it is busier. I listened to something someone said that by going direct you screen the girls fast finding which ones are really down to talk and date compared to the ones who aren't. Idk, I don't really care about any outcomes tonight and rejections won't bother me so I'm willing to go super direct to see if the screening works. If I go I'll post about it when I come back.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> Can somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery. The last couple of days I've had a couple of girls smile at me and I couldn't talk to them.


It's OK. You aren't used to it and so how you feel is normal. Maybe practice just saying hello for a bit first and then later have longer conversations.


----------



## pete24

theseventhkey said:


> Hate to be a negative nancy but nothing is always what it "seems" especially on POF.


Maybe for some but I would put myself down to a more experienced user of online dating who knows whats what and when theres hope from something.

Iv had 3 or 4 relationships off POF, 1 off smooch (well it was a potential but wasnt that keen on her when we met), 1 off evow, 1 off zoosk (before you had to pay to do anything), 1 on another FB dating app.

Actually theres a tick list I always make and actually ill make them here, may help some:

1) If they initiate the conversation on the dating site it gives you more chance, women may half heatedly reply to 1 of your messages if you message them first, whilst if they message you first it means they are genuinely interested.

2) If things go well from 1st chat, ask if they have FB and add them (Rather than ask for their number, my reasons below). If they say they havent got it then they are more than likely lying (since who on a dating site doesnt have FB?) or have stuff on there to hide.... Dont try and progress further.

3) Once added to FB check their recently added friends... A load of guys?? Chances are it will be a competition, I usually never continue to pursue, but its up to you. (Also the same if after adding you she adds loads more guys)

4) Take a look at their photos... see what they are like (Also browse as many of her wall posts as possible)... Such as if shes this sweet, nice looking girl on the dating site, but then on FB has pictures of her out clubbing, flashing her boobs for the camera, you can get different vibes than what you thought of her from the dating site.... Again I dont pursue.

5) Do some snooping. If your like me, you wont ask when their last relationship was (Although sometimes im asked and we both tell eachother) try and find out from timeline updates. Try and see when it was (less than a month or 2 ago = avoid), try and see who it was with and check if shes over him (like if they are no longer friends anymore on FB and pictures and comments of each other are gone)

6) See who sends the 1st message after adding each other on FB... she messages you 1st = great, If after 40 mins theres no message, message her, all may not be lost but she may of lost some of the interest after seeing your profile.

7) 1 of the most important bits... If after browsing their whole profile all is still good. "Like" 1 of their pictures of them. Its a little sign as if to say "yea, your the same person I thought you were when we spoke on the dating site... brilliant". If they feel the same they will "Like" 1 of yours back.

8 ) Another relatively important 1. When your chatting on FB go back and forth to the dating site. If they are still logged in, they could be chatting to other guys to add. If they have gone offline, then you know they are happy with you so far.

9) The best scenario is chatting for 2 hours+ on FB. If that happens and the replys to each message are fast, things are going well.

10) Finally, when 1 of you have to go (Or both have to go as its 3am and your both falling asleep) see how they end the chat. Perhaps if they ask to speak again tomorrow? Maybe they will say they really enjoyed chatting, something along those lines. If you come online the next day and they message you 1st, extra bonus.

I always think its better to leave it a few weeks before arranging a meet. If you both have made a good impression of each other and are at stage 10, then theres 99% no chance your gonna lose your chance, in fact continued chat every day with them for weeks will only build a better chance for you and gain appreciation... They may even show this by removing themselves off the dating site.

The 1 girl from today, we spoke for many hours on FB, we were talking about the dating site and she was saying how many weirdos are on it, then said about chatting to someone and he gave her his number soon on and her comment to me was "I dont have time for guys like that, its obvious what they want".

Over the past few weeks, 4 women have added me to FB courtesy of dating sites....

The first = Found out she was the type to talk to any guy even if she didnt like them, added to FB and we never spoke.
Next = Shes ok, not as hot as on her POF profile, perhaps not my type, a bit geeky, we chat sometimes but will never meet.
Third = Isnt over her ex, been single for barely a month, is too much of a clubbing girl.
This new girl = Exactly as it shows on her profile, just as hot, maybe acts a bit silly when she occasionally goes clubbing, last relationship a year ago.


----------



## Josefz27

Back from going w/friends to mall to practice talking to girls.

Damn,..I feel like ****, walked around mall for hours w/friends, in general, ...didn't do ****. Gladly my pals are still supportive but I kind of know inside that I might never do it. I am scared of rejection terribly bad. My friend said something that made good sense "You're scared of rejection because you haven't experienced it (which I haven't), you need to experience it to know its nothing really." Now that I think about it, I suppose it's like big roller-coasters which I'm also afraid of, but probably once I'm on the ride, it's fun...or like a cold shower where you get used to it after you make that first move. The thing is...I doubt I will ever do it. 

So I have a plan: Go with my best friend who doesn't question my weirdness (lol) and go with him to the mall after me drinking a bit of beer, just a bit enough to loosen me up to do an approach. Once I experience the rejection/approach, hopefully my irrational fear can start going away.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

OkCupid is gay.
I got one date from there about a month ago. Now everything has just gone dead, no replies from any more girls, ever.

Anyone have better luck on other sites that are free?


----------



## smevel

I find a quiet place and whomever finds me first gets to talk to me. Its an odd technique, but it has worked before.


----------



## theseventhkey

pete24 said:


> Maybe for some but I would put myself down to a more experienced user of online dating who knows whats what and when theres hope from something.
> 
> Iv had 3 or 4 relationships off POF, 1 off smooch (well it was a potential but wasnt that keen on her when we met), 1 off evow, 1 off zoosk (before you had to pay to do anything), 1 on another FB dating app.
> 
> Actually theres a tick list I always make and actually ill make them here, may help some:
> 
> 1) If they initiate the conversation on the dating site it gives you more chance, women may half heatedly reply to 1 of your messages if you message them first, whilst if they message you first it means they are genuinely interested.
> 
> 2) If things go well from 1st chat, ask if they have FB and add them (Rather than ask for their number, my reasons below). If they say they havent got it then they are more than likely lying (since who on a dating site doesnt have FB?) or have stuff on there to hide.... Dont try and progress further.
> 
> 3) Once added to FB check their recently added friends... A load of guys?? Chances are it will be a competition, I usually never continue to pursue, but its up to you. (Also the same if after adding you she adds loads more guys)
> 
> 4) Take a look at their photos... see what they are like (Also browse as many of her wall posts as possible)... Such as if shes this sweet, nice looking girl on the dating site, but then on FB has pictures of her out clubbing, flashing her boobs for the camera, you can get different vibes than what you thought of her from the dating site.... Again I dont pursue.
> 
> 5) Do some snooping. If your like me, you wont ask when their last relationship was (Although sometimes im asked and we both tell eachother) try and find out from timeline updates. Try and see when it was (less than a month or 2 ago = avoid), try and see who it was with and check if shes over him (like if they are no longer friends anymore on FB and pictures and comments of each other are gone)
> 
> 6) See who sends the 1st message after adding each other on FB... she messages you 1st = great, If after 40 mins theres no message, message her, all may not be lost but she may of lost some of the interest after seeing your profile.
> 
> 7) 1 of the most important bits... If after browsing their whole profile all is still good. "Like" 1 of their pictures of them. Its a little sign as if to say "yea, your the same person I thought you were when we spoke on the dating site... brilliant". If they feel the same they will "Like" 1 of yours back.
> 
> 8 ) Another relatively important 1. When your chatting on FB go back and forth to the dating site. If they are still logged in, they could be chatting to other guys to add. If they have gone offline, then you know they are happy with you so far.
> 
> 9) The best scenario is chatting for 2 hours+ on FB. If that happens and the replys to each message are fast, things are going well.
> 
> 10) Finally, when 1 of you have to go (Or both have to go as its 3am and your both falling asleep) see how they end the chat. Perhaps if they ask to speak again tomorrow? Maybe they will say they really enjoyed chatting, something along those lines. If you come online the next day and they message you 1st, extra bonus.
> 
> I always think its better to leave it a few weeks before arranging a meet. If you both have made a good impression of each other and are at stage 10, then theres 99% no chance your gonna lose your chance, in fact continued chat every day with them for weeks will only build a better chance for you and gain appreciation... They may even show this by removing themselves off the dating site.
> 
> The 1 girl from today, we spoke for many hours on FB, we were talking about the dating site and she was saying how many weirdos are on it, then said about chatting to someone and he gave her his number soon on and her comment to me was "I dont have time for guys like that, its obvious what they want".
> 
> Over the past few weeks, 4 women have added me to FB courtesy of dating sites....
> 
> The first = Found out she was the type to talk to any guy even if she didnt like them, added to FB and we never spoke.
> Next = Shes ok, not as hot as on her POF profile, perhaps not my type, a bit geeky, we chat sometimes but will never meet.
> Third = Isnt over her ex, been single for barely a month, is too much of a clubbing girl.
> This new girl = Exactly as it shows on her profile, just as hot, maybe acts a bit silly when she occasionally goes clubbing, last relationship a year ago.


Ah so your one of those "mythic" dudes who have success on dating sites. I don't know how you do it. Mostly everybody on that site that I know are no where near successful as you are.


----------



## bsd3355

Random thought:

Not much you can do about girls who are jaded


----------



## pete24

theseventhkey said:


> Ah so your one of those "mythic" dudes who have success on dating sites. I don't know how you do it. Mostly everybody on that site that I know are no where near successful as you are.


Well its all about learning each time, think iv been using dating sites for over 6 years, but it just takes time really, but thinking outside the box with your profile and how you approach works well


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Random thought:
> 
> Not much you can do about girls who are jaded


Very true. You can't let these ones get you down.


----------



## arnie

Real life: Not so much

Internet: :blush


----------



## Zeeshan

So i think this thread has gone off topic a bit, and has really skewered towards online dating and too many discussions and not enough actions being taken. The thread is action related, *What are you DOING to get a girl.

*So i am going to try and steer it back in direction by proposing an In Real Life Survivor Challenge to all the guys here like me struggling with approaching a girl in real life. The challenge should only be open to guys who have never truly approached a girl in the past year.

Rules are simple. The challenge will start Monday and end Friday, if you fail to approach you are out. you just have to approach one girl, doesnt matter how it goes. Even if she walks away after you say hey, how you doing.

What does everyone think. I know personally it would be very motivating for me to know that other guys struggling with the issue are also giving it a go.


----------



## rymo

Josefz27 said:


> Back from going w/friends to mall to practice talking to girls.
> 
> Damn,..I feel like ****, walked around mall for hours w/friends, in general, ...didn't do ****. Gladly my pals are still supportive but I kind of know inside that I might never do it. I am scared of rejection terribly bad. My friend said something that made good sense "You're scared of rejection because you haven't experienced it (which I haven't), you need to experience it to know its nothing really." Now that I think about it, I suppose it's like big roller-coasters which I'm also afraid of, but probably once I'm on the ride, it's fun...or like a cold shower where you get used to it after you make that first move. The thing is...I doubt I will ever do it.
> 
> So I have a plan: Go with my best friend who doesn't question my weirdness (lol) and go with him to the mall after me drinking a bit of beer, just a bit enough to loosen me up to do an approach. Once I experience the rejection/approach, hopefully my irrational fear can start going away.


You're NEVER going to be not nervous when approaching. But over time, and with a decent amount of practice, you'll be able to deal with that nervousness much better. You'll start to feel far worse when you DON'T approach and every time you do approach you'll realize that even if you got rejected, there are still a million other girls out there. You'll realize NO ONE is successful even CLOSE to 100% of the time, so that goal is unrealistic, and instead you'll just try to have fun with the whole thing.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> So i think this thread has gone off topic a bit, and has really skewered towards online dating and too many discussions and not enough actions being taken. The thread is action related, *What are you DOING to get a girl.
> 
> *So i am going to try and steer it back in direction by proposing an In Real Life Survivor Challenge to all the guys here like me struggling with approaching a girl in real life. The challenge should only be open to guys who have never truly approached a girl in the past year.
> 
> Rules are simple. The challenge will start Monday and end Friday, if you fail to approach you are out. you just have to approach one girl, doesnt matter how it goes. Even if she walks away after you say hey, how you doing.
> 
> What does everyone think. I know personally it would be very motivating for me to know that other guys struggling with the issue are also giving it a go.


I've been toying with this idea for a while now. I think it would need its own thread to keep things more organized, but I think it's a really good idea. Since I've been fleshing it out in my mind for a bit I can start the topic if you want, but if you want to that's fine too.


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo, have you reached the state where you're just not attached to the outcome and are in a state of self-amusement?


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> rymo, have you reached the state where you're just not attached to the outcome and are in a state of self-amusement?


Due to a recent incident I've realized that I've actually gone overboard with not giving a ****, to the point of obnoxiousness (in a couple situations, anyway). Because I just keep pushing myself to not care about the outcome, I forget about real-life consequences. There's obviously a balance to be found, and I'm working on calibrating myself - but yes, I feel like I'm not very attached to the outcome anymore. I've only been feeling this way for about a month or so though, so it's pretty new and that's why I don't quite know how to handle it yeh hehe.

Anyways, I'm not saying I can go into any female-approach situation and not be nervous at all...I still get that...just much less than I used to. And once I'm in I can connect pretty quickly because I act very comfortably and this gets the girl feeling comfortable very quickly as well. But this is the key for me - I can get a sense of a girl's personality very quickly. Instead of solely handling **** tests from girls, I'm finding that I am giving _them_ my own **** tests to see if they're cool or not. To see if _I_ like _them_, instead of just trying to simply win them over. It's a great feeling, that I can finally be picky when it comes to women instead of being an anxious slave to their every whim. It just comes with confidence I guess. That feeling that you are worthy of any woman's time, and that winning each other over should be a two-way street.

As for rejections, I've been rejected by so many girls in such a variety of situations that I feel like I know how to either persist to the point that I can win them over, or just take my defeat gracefully and move to the next. What a boss-like move to be able to get rejected and then immediately talk to the girl close by the one who rejected you! Haven't quite accomplished this yet, but I feel like I could do it now. There are so many girls out there, who cares if some snob doesn't like my sense of humor? Who doesn't want to give me the time of day. Her loss. Her complete and utter failure and loss. One day I will carve my path through the jungle of women and find the ultimate goddess who loves me completely for me and I love completely for her. This is why I do it. So I can have the confidence to not only be happy about myself but also find that person who completes me.

I'm recovering from mono but once I do, I cannot wait to finally approach in that self-amusement type of way. I feel like I'm finally at that point - where I can approach and just have a blast no matter what happens. Hopefully this is actually the case! Guess I'll just have to find out for sure.


----------



## awkwardsilent

rymo said:


> As for rejections, I've been rejected by so many girls in such a variety of situations that I feel like I know how to either persist to the point that I can win them over, or just take my defeat gracefully and move to the next. What a boss-like move to be able to get rejected and then immediately talk to the girl close by the one who rejected you! Haven't quite accomplished this yet, but I feel like I could do it now. There are so many girls out there, who cares if some snob doesn't like my sense of humor? Who doesn't want to give me the time of day. Her loss. Her complete and utter failure and loss. *One day I will carve my path through the jungle of women and find the ultimate goddess who loves me completely for me and I love completely for her. *This is why I do it. So I can have the confidence to not only be happy about myself but also find that person who completes me.


<3  I know I'm a chick but... that is how it should be. Wise words!


----------



## bsd3355

Rymo, i feel the same way. The ego has a lot to do with it


----------



## Gurosan

i wait...

with my looks i cannot get a girl like normal girl getting guys in most cases with good looks. thus i must get a girl in some freakingly odd way or just wait when a girl takes interest in me..


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I've been toying with this idea for a while now. I think it would need its own thread to keep things more organized, but I think it's a really good idea. Since I've been fleshing it out in my mind for a bit I can start the topic if you want, but if you want to that's fine too.


No you shoul start it. I think it would be awesome, you can also start it in the goal setting section. Maybe making it a competition would offer us an incentive


----------



## Ivan AG

Do any of you "warm up" before cold approaching or do you just jump straight into it?

Like, do you try to hold conversations with strangers beforehand?


----------



## squall78

Approach game huh? I am semi-reluctant to participate. It holds me accountable that's for sure.


----------



## rymo

I can start the topic tomorrow.

As for warming up - I usually just watch Simple Pickup videos and also blast music in the car and sing. If I'm meeting a friend or friends, I'll warm up talking to them. Otherwise, it's just boom...straight in there. Definitely harder that way though.

A recent SP livestream, they were talking about this. Kong, for example, will do pushups. Yep. Pushups. In the middle of a dance floor. 30 of them. The idea is that if he could do something so embarrassing and ridiculous, then what the hell is the big deal about talking to a girl? At that point, that would be faaaar less scary. But yes, talking to strangers is also a really good idea to warm up.

Oh yeh - another thing they do. This goes along with the talking to strangers thing, but essentially you just say ridiculous, random **** to people. So they're walking down the street to the bar where they're about to approach girls and they want to warm up, so someone will shout, "My penis is really...really small." People will look and be like "WTF?" and you will generally be seen as a jackass...but doing ridiculous things will prepare you greatly when it comes to doing something not so ridiculous, something as normal as talking to girls. And it's actually easier to do these crazy things right away because they're strangers and you're not as attached to the outcome of the interaction as you would be with a girl.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I can start the topic tomorrow.
> 
> As for warming up - I usually just watch Simple Pickup videos and also blast music in the car and sing. If I'm meeting a friend or friends, I'll warm up talking to them. Otherwise, it's just boom...straight in there. Definitely harder that way though.
> 
> A recent SP livestream, they were talking about this. Kong, for example, will do pushups. Yep. Pushups. In the middle of a dance floor. 30 of them. The idea is that if he could do something so embarrassing and ridiculous, then what the hell is the big deal about talking to a girl? At that point, that would be faaaar less scary. But yes, talking to strangers is also a really good idea to warm up.
> 
> Oh yeh - another thing they do. This goes along with the talking to strangers thing, but essentially you just say ridiculous, random **** to people. So they're walking down the street to the bar where they're about to approach girls and they want to warm up, so someone will shout, "My penis is really...really small." People will look and be like "WTF?" and you will generally be seen as a jackass...but doing ridiculous things will prepare you greatly when it comes to doing something not so ridiculous, something as normal as talking to girls. And it's actually easier to do these crazy things right away because they're strangers and you're not as attached to the outcome of the interaction as you would be with a girl.


Please start the approach league tomorrow lol


----------



## pete24

My date planning has gone amazing.

Spoke more tonight to POF girl (via FB), I dont know how iv done it, witty comments, exchanged numbers tonight.

Even though I know online dating well, this has gone to perfection. She said shes gotta go (was late and bedtime) n said can we talk tomorrow (2nd day in a row) and I suggested number exchange. next thing is her number is in front of me.

Simple thing, this week or next, date will be arranged, but I know it, without a doubt, to be this keen = she is keen. Number exchanges were the final sealant. 

Wow, the hard battle was getting her to come on a date, now iv suggested a few that shes keen for, if reputation says anything iv never failed an actual date....


----------



## bsd3355

I've thought about dating like playing the Sims before. Lol. I mean think about it, that's basically what we are doing, talking to girls this way and playing a number's game. In the game I could imagine it all in fast forward mode and one week in the game goes by in one minute in real life, so in one minute you'll see your accumulative approaches and results lol. 

Ironically, the saddest but also truest part about thinking this way is that if we played real life like a Sims game we'd likely approach A TON of girls with NO anxiety and NO hesitation with no attachment to the outcome and get tons of dates! But instead we play in "real life" mode and approach far less and do far less bold things and therefore we are stuck failing the game lol. Whereas, play a game as a Sims character and chances are you'd be dating five girls a week lol. Seriously.

I mean, think about it, if you were to play a Sims game where your sole purpose was to date tons of girls, how would you play it? You'd approach so many freaking girls without caring that you'd no doubt be accomplishing your goals. But in real life we don't do this lol. Why though? Most likely it is because we don't view the video game as us so when we get rejected int he game we aren't really getting rejected in real life and we know this going in. Why can't we have the same attitude in real life? I think it's possible.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I've thought about dating like playing the Sims before. Lol. I mean think about it, that's basically what we are doing, talking to girls this way and playing a number's game. In the game I could imagine it all in fast forward mode and one week in the game goes by in one minute in real life, so in one minute you'll see your accumulative approaches and results lol.
> 
> Ironically, the saddest but also truest part about thinking this way is that if we played real life like a Sims game we'd likely approach A TON of girls with NO anxiety and NO hesitation with no attachment to the outcome and get tons of dates! But instead we play in "real life" mode and approach far less and do far less bold things and therefore we are stuck failing the game lol. Whereas, play a game as a Sims character and chances are you'd be dating five girls a week lol. Seriously.
> 
> I mean, think about it, if you were to play a Sims game where your sole purpose was to date tons of girls, how would you play it? You'd approach so many freaking girls without caring that you'd no doubt be accomplishing your goals. But in real life we don't do this lol


You should get points depending on the type of act to overcome fear


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> You should get points depending on the type of act to overcome fear


Your idea is interesting but not sure how it'd work in real life.

Besides, if we started my points would be much, much higher than yours It'd be like cheating!  jk

The only reason why I wouldn't want to play this game is because I know what works best for me and so doing random stuff all the time just to win "points" would actually hurt me in real life.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> My date planning has gone amazing.
> 
> Spoke more tonight to POF girl (via FB), I dont know how iv done it, witty comments, exchanged numbers tonight.
> 
> Even though I know online dating well, this has gone to perfection. She said shes gotta go (was late and bedtime) n said can we talk tomorrow (2nd day in a row) and I suggested number exchange. next thing is her number is in front of me.
> 
> Simple thing, this week or next, date will be arranged, but I know it, without a doubt, to be this keen = she is keen. Number exchanges were the final sealant.
> 
> Wow, the hard battle was getting her to come on a date, now iv suggested a few that shes keen for, if reputation says anything iv never failed an actual date....


Hell yeah man!


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Hell yeah man!


cheers dude, cheers for everyones advice with it, will keep posting but.... the sealer of things is in place, the only thing I gotta worry bout is im this jobless reject without friends, n shes this multi friend, massive earner, plan B may happen when the date works out (aka, I get a job)

I would post a pic but cant risk this 1, if anyone was curious of POF potential, pm and ill send pic

edit: Learnt the bad thing, running the scenario over your head. Been a good few months since a date and she was not my type so was easy. All I think is sh*t, my strategy is few beers before we meet, alls good, but what if she doesnt buy it? Yea its like I dunno, lets say 10 dates in a row which I passed massively, but still nerve racking


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Your idea is interesting but not sure how it'd work in real life.
> 
> Besides, if we started my points would be much, much higher than yours It'd be like cheating!  jk
> 
> The only reason why I wouldn't want to play this game is because I know what works best for me and so doing random stuff all the time just to win "points" would actually hurt me in real life.


you shouldnt play, you should help administer it


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> cheers dude, cheers for everyones advice with it, will keep posting but.... the sealer of things is in place, the only thing I gotta worry bout is im this jobless reject without friends, n shes this multi friend, massive earner, plan B may happen when the date works out (aka, I get a job)
> 
> I would post a pic but cant risk this 1, if anyone was curious of POF potential, pm and ill send pic
> 
> edit: Learnt the bad thing, running the scenario over your head. Been a good few months since a date and she was not my type so was easy. All I think is sh*t, my strategy is few beers before we meet, alls good, but what if she doesnt buy it? Yea its like I dunno, lets say 10 dates in a row which I passed massively, but still nerve racking


Im glad for you dude, just be yourself as you are now bro.

Good luck, yea sometimes there are good ones on POF, at least fun ones.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> you shouldnt play, you should help administer it


I even worked out a point system and the structure...

the structure will be survivor based, each 10 day period will result in one contestant, the one with the lowest point, dropped off.

Points should be as follows

making contact with a girl you want to ask out = 1 point
Asking out someone you already know = 2 point 
Approaching a girl in a bar or a club (Anywhere its socially accepted) = 3 points
Cold approaching a girl you have never seen before that is sitting = 4 points
Cold approaching a girl you have never seen before that is moving = 5 points


----------



## bsd3355

^why don't you just start it off and see if it catches momentum?


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Im glad for you dude, just be yourself as you are now bro.
> 
> Good luck, yea sometimes there are good ones on POF, at least fun ones.


Thanks mate...

Prioritys into reality I gotta make things sorted, this main girl = yes... n all im focusing on, but when I come to think of it theres 4 other local dating site women messaging me. My prioritys were always to focus on 1 woman, but theres 4 others who want a drink at some point. I guess ill turn into a stubborn coward like most, and if the date goes well and we get together, change relationship status and blank the rest...

No other way..... Was the same with my ex, 2 other women interested at that time, basically got with ex, changed status, then they just disappeared, maybe the cowards way, but I cant exactly go and say "sorry iv met someone else", I guess either they should of put more effort in or I should of said they aint my type


----------



## Zeeshan

You are thinking way too much

Bros question. Getting a girls phone number from another girl. Good idea or bad


----------



## phoenixwright

Simple Pickup is annoying. Any guy that recommends that you call up a girl at 2 am (most likely waking her up) to see if she's up to hang out is a douche.

I don't think men fundamentally understand how much power they give to women when they read up on pick up artist material and set aside a good chunk of their free time to randomly approaching women. Do you think women seeking a boyfriend actually put in one-tenth the effort that you guys do to get a girlfriend? What makes their time more valuable than a man's? The fact that they have a vagina? Of the nearly double digit amount of women I've had sexual relations with (including professionals who do this for a living and are more skilled at sex than "regular women"), I have yet to get an orgasm from a woman. "Getting laid" is the most over-rated thing ever. And any girl that is actually relationship-material wouldn't think in terms of her time being more valuable than a man's just because she has a vagina. Yet this is the status quo in our society. Men pay for women on dates. Men put in the lion's share of the effort with courtship. Women have less incentive to approach because men are the more desperate party. It's a rule of supply/demand economics. Has nothing to do with women being inherently more arrogant or anything. They have less incentive to work at it because men are so desperate that they just hand them attention.

Men treat the dating game as if they would treat a job hunt. Job seekers put in a lot more effort to find work than employers put in to find employees because job seekers are the more desperate party and you need money to survive. Men are sending signals to women that they are the more desperate gender. Even though you don't need vagina to survive.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Simple Pickup is annoying. Any guy that recommends that you call up a girl at 2 am (most likely waking her up) to see if she's up to hang out is a douche.
> 
> I don't think men fundamentally understand how much power they give to women when they read up on pick up artist material and set aside a good chunk of their free time to randomly approaching women. Do you think women seeking a boyfriend actually put in one-tenth the effort that you guys do to get a girlfriend? What makes their time more valuable than a man's? The fact that they have a vagina? Of the nearly double digit amount of women I've had sexual relations with (including professionals who do this for a living and are more skilled at sex than "regular women"), I have yet to get an orgasm from a woman. "Getting laid" is the most over-rated thing ever. And any girl that is actually relationship-material wouldn't think in terms of her time being more valuable than a man's just because she has a vagina. Yet this is the status quo in our society.
> 
> Men treat the dating game as if they would treat a job hunt. Job seekers put in a lot more effort to find work than employers put in to find employees because job seekers are the more desperate party and you need money to survive. Men are sending signals to women that they are the more desperate gender. Even though you don't need vagina to survive.


It's called having balls and meeting people not having a super-ego thinking women are just going to approach you. Plus, you're the one paying for a good time


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Simple Pickup is annoying. Any guy that recommends that you call up a girl at 2 am (most likely waking her up) to see if she's up to hang out is a douche.
> 
> I don't think men fundamentally understand how much power they give to women when they read up on pick up artist material and set aside a good chunk of their free time to randomly approaching women. Do you think women seeking a boyfriend actually put in one-tenth the effort that you guys do to get a girlfriend? What makes their time more valuable than a man's? The fact that they have a vagina? Of the nearly double digit amount of women I've had sexual relations with (including professionals who do this for a living and are more skilled at sex than "regular women"), I have yet to get an orgasm from a woman. "Getting laid" is the most over-rated thing ever. And any girl that is actually relationship-material wouldn't think in terms of her time being more valuable than a man's just because she has a vagina. Yet this is the status quo in our society.
> 
> Men treat the dating game as if they would treat a job hunt. Job seekers put in a lot more effort to find work than employers put in to find employees because job seekers are the more desperate party and you need money to survive. Men are sending signals to women that they are the more desperate gender. Even though you don't need vagina to survive.


First of all, the premise of that idea from Simple Pickup is that it's the end of the night after meeting a bunch of chicks and getting their number. Calling some of them at the end of partying (i.e. 2am) means they will very likely still be up, just leaving whatever bar/club they were at, and, especially in LA where they are located, are probably still looking to party a bit more. And if not, who cares? Move on to the next one. How is calling a girl to essentially see if she wants to have sex desperate in any way, when they have a list of girls to call? There's no desperation there, it's just "hey, want to hang out? No? okay." *click* NEXT.

Talk all you want about how much power they are giving to girls, but they are going on up to 5 dates a week in addition to getting a ton of #s - so with all that choice who really has the power? They do. Not to mention, approaching girls for them is fun, so what's the downside? It sounds like you are pretty bitter because you have trouble orgasming, and if that's the case and you can survive without vagina, then more power to you. But for the rest of us, there's nothing wrong with approaching. It builds confidence and gets us laid...can't really see the downside.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> It's called having balls and meeting people not having a super-ego thinking women are just going to approach you. Plus, you're the one paying for a good time


lol why did you change your original post?


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Um, you're the one PAYING for sex here....


Have you ever heard of the term time is money? You don't consider your free time valuable?


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Have you ever heard of the term time is money? You don't consider your free time valuable?


Taking time to go and actually meet girls vs. paying for sex to meet girls, and you call us desperate? Nice.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> lol why did you change your original post?


someone deleted it i think unless i did by accident... but i actually liked it myself


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Have you ever heard of the term time is money? You don't consider your free time valuable?


Personally I enjoy using my free time to meet girls because I like girls. Simple as that.


----------



## Rossy

Good for you.


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## Ivan AG

Joining the RSD nation YouTube channel was a mistake , LOL

I'm fking obsessed with "Inner Game" and "Outer Game" and trying to be "a tank" when sarging.

I'm even starting to write like a PUA. HELP!


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Joining the RSD nation YouTube channel was a mistake , LOL
> 
> I'm fking obsessed with "Inner Game" and "Outer Game" and trying to be "a tank" when sarging.
> 
> I'm even starting to write like a PUA. HELP!


Why is it when you go and meet girls you are a "pick up artist"? I'm not a PUA, I'm a normal guy who likes to date women.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Taking time to go and actually meet girls vs. paying for sex to meet girls, and you call us desperate? Nice.


Instead of putting up with all the bull****, I just cut straight to the chase and then use my free time to do whatever the hell I want. Instead of talking to some boring *** bimbo "at da club" and then buying her drinks on top of that. I also have reservations about continuing to even bother to pay for it because there are much more pleasurable things that money can buy. 2 hours of sex vs. a Playstation Vita. Which do you think I'd rather have? When I think in terms of what I could have used all that money on instead, it seems like a big waste of money.

Maybe we just have different perspectives in life. When my boss gave me an extra payday, my initial reaction was "oh no, I gotta go to work tomorrow." Not "oh yay, another payday". But I went ahead and took the payday because that's what you're "supposed to do".


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Why is it when you go and meet girls you are a "pick up artist"? I'm not a PUA, I'm a normal guy who likes to date women.


I understand, but if you watch the RSD nation vids Owen makes it sound like a crusade to conquer every club each night and sleep with 10s in the club.

He even says he "hammers it out till the bitter end" when he doesn't feel like going out some nights. XD

Being a PUA isn't exactly a normal guy, so to speak. That's his life.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Instead of putting up with all the bull****, I just cut straight to the chase and then use my free time to do whatever the hell I want. Instead of talking to some boring *** bimbo "at da club" and then buying her drinks on top of that. I also have reservations about continuing to even bother to pay for it because there are much more pleasurable things that money can buy. 2 hours of sex vs. a Playstation Vita. Which do you think I'd rather have? When I think in terms of what I could have used all that money on instead, it seems like a big waste of money.
> 
> Maybe we just have different perspectives in life. When my boss gave me an extra payday, my initial reaction was "oh no, I gotta go to work tomorrow." Not "oh yay, another payday". But I went ahead and took the payday because that's what you're "supposed to do".


Yes, different priorities/perspectives. To a lot of guys, sex > video games. To you it's not. Whaddya gonna do?



Ivan AG said:


> Joining the RSD nation YouTube channel was a mistake , LOL
> 
> I'm fking obsessed with "Inner Game" and "Outer Game" and trying to be "a tank" when sarging.
> 
> I'm even starting to write like a PUA. HELP!


Oh god - I still don't even know what sarging means. Please don't tell me though, I don't wanna know.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I understand, but if you watch the RSD nation vids Owen makes it sound like a crusade to conquer every club each night and sleep with 10s in the club.
> 
> He even says he "hammers it out till the bitter end" when he doesn't feel like going out some nights. XD
> 
> Being a PUA isn't exactly a normal guy, so to speak. That's his life.


True, his life is pretty different than most. He definitely doesn't view it from a relationship perspective. That's his thing, and while I admit it is derogatory to use terms like a "10" and stuff like that, everyone's ideal is different to someone else's. He likes sex and that's what he wants. Women do the same. Unfortunately for them there is a larger stigma for them, but obviously guys get it too (Tyler for example).

If he likes to only have sex without relationships, or have open relationships, then who's to say what he does is wrong? I personally think it is wrong if you lie to a girl just to have sex with her, which is something I don't do. Some of the RSD guys do that and I feel that is wrong. Julien from RSD is a douchebag because that is basically what he does. Not only that but he belittles women and that's ****ed up. I'm not in it for that and that is extremely unhealthy behavior. I'm in it to meet and date girls, not lie and belittle them.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Instead of putting up with all the bull****, I just cut straight to the chase and then use my free time to do whatever the hell I want. Instead of talking to some boring *** bimbo "at da club" and then buying her drinks on top of that. I also have reservations about continuing to even bother to pay for it because there are much more pleasurable things that money can buy. 2 hours of sex vs. a Playstation Vita. Which do you think I'd rather have? When I think in terms of what I could have used all that money on instead, it seems like a big waste of money.
> 
> Maybe we just have different perspectives in life. When my boss gave me an extra payday, my initial reaction was "oh no, I gotta go to work tomorrow." Not "oh yay, another payday". But I went ahead and took the payday because that's what you're "supposed to do".


Honestly, I think paying for sex isn't that big of an issue because it's consensual and there isn't any manipulation. Obviously, just be careful.

Your view of women in clubs is disturbing and comes from a naive point of view. Just because women go to clubs doesn't make them bimbos or ****s or w/e stupid label people want to throw on them because they are too ignorant, or too prideful to say otherwise.

Personally, I think playing video games is more a waste of my time than meeting women. Video games are becoming increasingly mundane, boring and meaningless to me.

Sounds like you have ares of your life you aren't satisfied with. Still, you shouldn't say we are desperate because we do something you don't agree with. Unless people give me a good reason why what we do is wrong, then I'll continue to view them as angry for nothing, because why would you hate meeting women? There is nothing wrong with meeting women wherever and whenever you want if you aren't an ******* and if you aren't manipulating them. Everything is FINE and NORMAL. When people hate with no reason you sound like a bunch of, well, "haters" with no reason for it at all.

I can understand why you think calling someone in 2am is desperate, but rymo answered this well I think. I'm just addressing the desperate thing with relation to meeting women from what you said.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Honestly, I think paying for sex isn't that big of an issue because it's consensual and there isn't any manipulation. Obviously, just be careful.
> 
> Your view of women in clubs is disturbing and comes from a naive point of view. Just because women go to clubs doesn't make them bimbos or ****s or w/e stupid label people want to throw on them because they are too ignorant, or too prideful to say otherwise.
> 
> Personally, I think playing video games is more a waste of my time than meeting women. Video games are becoming increasingly mundane, boring and meaningless to me.
> 
> Sounds like you have ares of your life you aren't satisfied with. Still, you shouldn't say we are desperate because we do something you don't agree with. Unless people give me a good reason why what we do is wrong, then I'll continue to view them as angry for nothing, because why would you hate meeting women? There is nothing wrong with meeting women wherever and whenever you want if you aren't an ******* and if you aren't manipulating them. Everything is FINE and NORMAL. When people hate with no reason you sound like a bunch of, well, "haters" with no reason for it at all.
> 
> I can understand why you think calling someone in 2am is desperate, but rymo answered this well I think. I'm just addressing the desperate thing with relation to meeting women from what you said.


I don't believe in being someone that I'm not in order to "pick up girls". How can a guy truly enjoy talking to women if he feels like he can't simply be himself around women? That does not mean I excuse guys for being shy and not going after what they want. There's a difference between not doing something because you are afraid and not doing something because you just aren't that interested. But these pick up guides are encouraging guys to fundamentally change who they are to get women. Even Jad T Jones who talks about integrity. But he often contradicts himself. Especially with his newsletter material.

It's kind of like how I used to try to force myself to drink beer instead of vodka coolers even though I like vodka cookers and am not a fan of beer because I didn't want to appear "girly". I'd force myself to be a certain way in order to gain acceptance from girls. But that is not my authentic self. I should be drinking bright red strawberry/fruit punch vodka coolers at a bar LIKE A BOSS, not caring about what others think. Because I actually like that stuff. Not beer. And I've given beer (many different types as well) so many chances. lol.

Personally I'm an introvert. I have given having a social life a fair shake. I have tried it pretty much every week for the past year. I find that I'm more interested in self-reflection and having discussions with people than giving a crap about the mundane everyday things that people talk about. People are just not that interesting. That goes for men and women. The only time I ever found myself enjoying my time with a woman was when she boosted my ego and made me feel great. "I love you", "you're such a sweet guy", "you're great in bed", etc. It's never about genuinely enjoying and appreciating the person. It's about enjoying how they make me feel. And I'm not terribly interested in bromance either. And it would be impossible for me to ever develop a connection with a woman if I were to be this fake self that PUAs tell you to be.

And I find it disrespectful when women approach dating with the perspective that their time is more valuable than a guy's simply because they get approached by plenty of guys. A woman even told me flat-out that things are the way they are (men approach, women select) because men are desperate and women are much more patient. They're waiting for that one Mr. Right. Men are constantly looking to get their cock dirty. Pretty much every woman gets disappointed when she's unable to get me to cum. Because for lots of women, sex is a power play card and if she can't use that card, her power over a man is gone. It's not that women are fundamentally evil or anything. It's just human nature in general and men find themselves on the wrong end of the supply/demand curve. If every man on earth had difficulty cumming, women would be falling over themselves at trying to get their attention.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I don't believe in being someone that I'm not in order to "pick up girls". That does not mean I excuse guys for being shy and not going after what they want. There's a difference between not doing something because you are afraid and not doing something because you just aren't that interested. But these pick up guides are encouraging guys to fundamentally change who they are to get women. Even Jad T Jones who talks about integrity. But he often contradicts himself. Especially with his newsletter material.
> 
> It's kind of like how I used to try to force myself to drink beer instead of vodka coolers even though I like vodka cookers and am not a fan of beer because I didn't want to appear "girly". I'd force myself to be a certain way in order to gain acceptance from girls. But that is not my authentic self. I should be drinking bright red strawberry/fruit punch vodka coolers at a bar LIKE A BOSS, not caring about what others think. Because I actually like that stuff. Not beer. And I've given beer (many different types as well) so many chances. lol.
> 
> Personally I'm an introvert. I have given having a social life a fair shake. I have tried it pretty much every week for the past year. I find that I'm more interested in self-reflection and having discussions with people than giving a crap about the mundane everyday things that people talk about. People are just not that interesting. That goes for men and women. The only time I ever found myself enjoying my time with a woman was when she boosted my ego and made me feel great. "I love you", "you're such a sweet guy", "you're great in bed", etc. It's never about genuinely enjoying and appreciating the person. It's about enjoying how they make me feel. And I'm not terribly interested in bromance either. And it would be impossible for me to ever develop a connection with a woman if I were to be this fake self that PUAs tell you to be.
> 
> And I find it disrespectful when women approach dating with the perspective that their time is more valuable than a guy's simply because they get approached by plenty of guys. A woman even told me flat-out that things are the way they are (men approach, women select) because men are desperate and women are much more patient. They're waiting for that one Mr. Right. Men are constantly looking to get their cock dirty. Pretty much every woman gets disappointed when she's unable to get me to cum. Because for lots of women, sex is a power play card and if she can't use that card, her power over a man is gone. It's not that women are fundamentally evil or anything. It's just human nature in general and men find themselves on the wrong end of the supply/demand curve. If every man on earth had difficulty cumming, women would be falling over themselves at trying to get their attention.


I see where you are coming from. There are three things I'd like to say:

1. You DON'T have to change yourself to meet women. However, if you aren't meeting women chances are it is because you aren't putting in the time or effort, and everything takes some time and effort regardless of what it is.

2. I find it hard to imagine there aren't women who you won't find interesting or emotionally appealing to you beyond reasons of the ego. There are simply too many women out there to conclude all women are boring.

3. Like I said a day or two ago in this thread, "There isn't much you can do about jaded women". If women have this disgust for men approaching them and/or they naively inflate their egos thinking they are better because of that, then that's their problem. You can't conclude that just because some women don't want to talk to you or are jaded or have inflated unrealistic egos that there aren't women who will appreciate you.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> I see where you are coming from. There are three things I'd like to say:
> 
> 1. You DON'T have to change yourself to meet women. However, if you aren't meeting women chances are it is because you aren't putting in the time or effort, and everything takes some time and effort regardless of what it is.
> 
> 2. I find it hard to imagine there aren't women who you won't find interesting or emotionally appealing to you beyond reasons of the ego. There are simply too many women out there to conclude all women are boring.
> 
> 3. Like I said a day or two ago in this thread, "There isn't much you can do about jaded women". If women have this disgust for men approaching them and/or they naively inflate their egos thinking they are better because of that, then that's their problem. You can't conclude that just because some women don't want to talk to you or are jaded or have inflated unrealistic egos that there aren't women who will appreciate you.


The dating market (and social world in general actually) is like an extension of the corporate world (or more accurately, the corporate world is a reflection of the social world). For a entry-level coordinator, I'm well-paid. But I feel very jaded doing what I do and feel reluctant to "play the game" more. Even if that would mean more earning potential for me and a more permanent place in the company in the future. The social relationships within a corporate structure are entirely fake. And dating is kinda like that too. "Why should I hire you?"/"Why should I date you?" It's about supply and demand. It's all a power play. People don't actually appreciate each other. They appreciate what you are able to do for them. It's about trying to impress other people. Guys want to add another notch to their belt so that they can look like a stud to their friends. Girls want a guy with social cache/status (as opposed to a "loser". That doesn't mean he has to have money or a good job or anything. Social cache/status can take many forms. Like yesterday I saw a hot, likely airhead, with this ridiculous looking Eminem wanabe. In her mind, he's cool and has social cache. Even though he probably doesn't have much earning potential) to show off to her friends and family. I'm sure that eventually being a bachelor is going to limit my career trajectory as well. Humans are very shallow and it's all about appearances.


----------



## squall78

In the last few pages it started to get complicated. Can we go back to talking about approaching women please?


----------



## Ivan AG

Sorry to interrupt the philosophical discussion, but how do you escalate an online conversation from all the polite usual stuff (what do you do, where do you go to uni, etc.) which starts off when you meet to actually showing interest and setting up dates?

I'm pretty bad at creating attraction or whatever it's called.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Sorry to interrupt the philosophical discussion, but how do you escalate an online conversation from all the polite usual stuff (what do you do, where do you go to uni, etc.) which starts off when you meet to actually showing interest and setting up dates?
> 
> I'm pretty bad at creating attraction or whatever it's called.


You can ask for her number or ask if she'd like to go on a date


----------



## Zeeshan

squall78 said:


> In the last few pages it started to get complicated. Can we go back to talking about approaching women please?


Yea really.

:blank

i am trying to figure out if i should go back to online dating


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> You can ask for her number or ask if she'd like to go on a date


A few messages after texting her?

Just be that direct off the bat?


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> A few messages after texting her?
> 
> Just be that direct off the bat?


i never ever mentioned the date, what i always did was just say i was getting off the puter and is she wanted to text

if you do have her number, i would call her for a date, instead of texting


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> A few messages after texting her?
> 
> Just be that direct off the bat?


I'm confused as to where you're at in the interaction, but it's not even really necessary to have all that small talk before you get a number. A few legitimate questions are good to mix things up, but generally you just want to try to be flirty/exciting/witty at first. I know that's easier said than done, but you have to think outside the box. Just like when you asked, "WTF am I supposed to talk to a girl about who just likes makeup and clothes???", and then I gave you an example of something to say. SA guys are very afraid to cross outside the boundaries of small talk. As if it's not appropriate to go beyond just normal, safe questions. In fact, that's what SA does. It makes us play it SAFE. Years of playing it safe dulls our wit and makes us less interesting, so work on being more outrageous and funny and challenging. If you think it's funny, say it. For example, the first text I sent to that girl I got the # of when I went out with my buddy last week was (btw I had seen on Facebook that she was playing soccer, this was like the night after Hurricane Sandy):

"All of us Connecticutioners are suffering...slaving away to bring relief to this great state of ours....and you are playing soccer? So inconsiderate...how dare you!"

Then it gets a chuckle... you see what she says, and go from there. My next text was:

"Well I guess it's okay....as long as you won. You did win, right?"

Turns out they lost, so I reference something about her long legs not even able to win for them (that's another good thing, to reference things about the girl). Anyways, 10 or 20 texts and you can ask her to do something with you. Again, I wasn't clear on where exactly you were at here but hope this helps in some way anyway. Calling, like Zeeshan said, is even more effective. I tend to stick to texting because calling is still a fear of mine. I should work on that :b


----------



## Ivan AG

I think I get it. Something went off in my head.

My wit and general crazyness is usually suppressed by SA and all that validation seeking/outcome dependency BS but I clearly understand what you're saying.

It's just about practice and seeing what works I guess.


----------



## arnie

Ivan AG said:


> A few messages after texting her?
> 
> Just be that direct off the bat?


If you are overly confident and forward, you might get struck down a few times. You might also get lucky.

If you play it safe, you get nowhere.


----------



## bsd3355

yes, like rymo said, being witty and interesting in the beginning is something that will usually work in your favor


----------



## Ivan AG

arnie said:


> If you are overly confident and forward, you might get struck down a few times. You might also get lucky.
> 
> If you play it safe, you get nowhere.


I'm about to be very forward with this Swedish girl but the fear of rejection/validation seeking is so strong right now. 

Just gotta plow through.


----------



## Zeeshan

So i have set myself three goals this week

This first is to approach a strange girl this week, something i havent been able to do thus far, but i am going to keep at it.

the second is to ask the girl at work to hang out. 

the third is to take a better pic of myself for my profile.

I am really going to do it this week, ! NO EXCUSES


----------



## pete24

Mixed results, yesterday at the pub was a fail. Well I didnt really see any women, didnt get anywhere apart from being completely drunk.

The drunkenness helped with with that new POF girl and I cant remember if iv already posted about it (was drunk heh) but I made some excellent replies to her messages on FB.... and at the end of the chat, when she went to bed... I asked for her number and got it.

Could be on verge of disaster though.... She had a 14 hour shift at work today. I txt this evening asking how her shift went and we spoke via txt for a bit. I suggested the date this week or next and she agreed. My last txt said its something good to look forward to but didnt get a reply.

Then I log on FB to see her online... no message from her (maybe she was barely on it after her bad shift, I didnt message her). Checked POF.. shes online (although not long after her profile became hidden, so perhaps shes not going to use it anymore).

The POF girl that isnt really my type has been txting me all day though


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

pete24 said:


> Could be on verge of disaster though.... She had a 14 hour shift at work today. I txt this evening asking how her shift went and we spoke via txt for a bit. I suggested the date this week or next and she agreed. My last txt said its something good to look forward to but didnt get a reply.
> 
> Then I log on FB to see her online... no message from her (maybe she was barely on it after her bad shift, I didnt message her). Checked POF.. shes online (although not long after her profile became hidden, so perhaps shes not going to use it anymore).


This is exactly the reason why I barely anything to do with social networking. It's far too easy to become obsessed over the small things.


----------



## pete24

jayjaythejetplane said:


> This is exactly the reason why I barely anything to do with social networking. It's far too easy to become obsessed over the small things.


Small things are crucial my friend, especially when it comes to online dating since its doesnt start off as face to face and you dont know what emotions they are having.

As someone told me "20% of it is about what is said, 80% is how its said"

So if your going for online dating you gotta be on the ball about everything


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I'd rather just be my relaxed self tbh.


----------



## rymo

I'll start the challenge thread tomorrow, I wasn't feeling motivated today.


----------



## bsd3355

Walked around for a bit today on campus with the intention to approach but only didn't really approach anyone. Talked to a couple but didn't show any intent. I don't really care about it either. I feel like I need some pressure put on me to want to act. When I have a lot of pressure put on me I tend to do more. In any case, I usually am pretty good with making goals. Today might help me if I decide to go tomorrow to put more pressure on me.

I also feel like I'm somewhat pushing for a "date" with the two girls I've been texting. Asked them again today to hang out this week (about a min ago--no text back yet), and I feel like I'm kind of pushing it. Oh well


----------



## ManOfFewWords

bwidger85 said:


> Walked around for a bit today on campus with the intention to approach but only didn't really approach anyone. Talked to a couple but didn't show any intent. I don't really care about it either. I feel like I need some pressure put on me to want to act. When I have a lot of pressure put on me I tend to do more. In any case, I usually am pretty good with making goals. Today might help me if I decide to go tomorrow to put more pressure on me.
> 
> I also feel like I'm somewhat pushing for a "date" with the two girls I've been texting. Asked them again today to hang out this week (about a min ago--no text back yet), and I feel like I'm kind of pushing it. Oh well


It's awesome when you have a wingman.


----------



## straightarrows

rymo said:


> Then how the **** do so many poor people have husbands and wives?


and y we always find Hot Girls/Boys around $$$$$ people???!



pita said:


> Ha! This is a very good point.


and how u r paying you rent? go shopping?? with Love?

Love and feelings is not a currency you can use!


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> I'll start the challenge thread tomorrow, I wasn't feeling motivated today.


LOL you're already fixing the game. 

I'm not feeling motivated either...


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Walked around for a bit today on campus with the intention to approach but only didn't really approach anyone. Talked to a couple but didn't show any intent. I don't really care about it either. I feel like I need some pressure put on me to want to act. When I have a lot of pressure put on me I tend to do more. In any case, I usually am pretty good with making goals. Today might help me if I decide to go tomorrow to put more pressure on me.
> 
> I also feel like I'm somewhat pushing for a "date" with the two girls I've been texting. Asked them again today to hang out this week (about a min ago--no text back yet), and I feel like I'm kind of pushing it. Oh well


There comes a time when you have to push it.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> There comes a time when you have to push it.


That's what she said. jk

I'll try to make some goals tonight and see if I can accomplish them tomorrow (likely 2 numbers). I feel a little bit more excited about it now.

That one girl who I'd thought would flake on me continues to be pretty cool and responsive to me so I really don't know where it's gonna go with her. She texted me back, but has 3 tests and and 2 papers to write for the week so I doubt she'll want to hang out. Probably try for the weekend.

The other girl hasn't text me back yet but I'm pretty sure she will. Both of them left home for the weekend so I was twittling my thumbs because I didn't go out or nothing over the weekend. Thought about the bars but I've been put off by the idea lately.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> That's what she said. jk
> 
> I'll try to make some goals tonight and see if I can accomplish them tomorrow (likely 2 numbers). I feel a little bit more excited about it now.
> 
> That one girl who I'd thought would flake on me continues to be pretty cool and responsive to me so I really don't know where it's gonna go with her. She texted me back, but has 3 tests and and 2 papers to write for the week so I doubt she'll want to hang out. Probably try for the weekend.
> 
> The other girl hasn't text me back yet but I'm pretty sure she will. Both of them left home for the weekend so I was twittling my thumbs because I didn't go out or nothing over the weekend. Thought about the bars but I've been put off by the idea lately.


 Your weekend sounds about like mine. I don't have much motivation lately. I guess I need to get back in the gym and eating better.


----------



## stoolie

Saw a cute girl while grocery shopping, but she was too far in front of me in the checkout queue and chasing after her into the dark parking lot didn't seem like a good option 

I know, excuses, excuses....
I felt pretty bad afterwards, but maybe I see her again.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> Saw a cute girl while grocery shopping, but she was too far in front of me in the checkout queue and chasing after her into the dark parking lot didn't seem like a good option
> 
> I know, excuses, excuses....
> I felt pretty bad afterwards, but maybe I see her again.


This one has always puzzled me.

How can you pick up a girl in the grocery store line when she's about to check out her goods and leave the store?

I just can't imagine the whole dynamic happening in a natural way.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> This one has always puzzled me.
> 
> How can you pick up a girl in the grocery store line when she's about to check out her goods and leave the store?
> 
> I just can't imagine the whole dynamic happening in a natural way.


You can just get out of the line and say hi to her before she walks out.


----------



## Cyclonic

Madax said:


> Think I'll send a first message to this girl tonight
> 
> I normally don't do this, as I can never think of something good to come up with besides something lame.
> 
> But I'm feeling it tonight.
> 
> I don't care if I go down in flames trying, I'm doing it.


Update: Hasn't worked out so well. She's difficult to talk to, and I think I'm just going to stop at this point and look elsewhere.

Finding a girl that can string together a few sentences without using netspeak has become a bit of a challenge.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> You can just get out of the line and say hi to her before she walks out.


Would you seriously do that ?


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Would you seriously do that ?


Why not? I'm not saying I'm some pro who approaches tons of girls, I would be super nervous I'm sure. But if I felt compelled to talk to a particular girl, I don't see this particular situation as all that crazy compared to many other situations. She's past the register...in that large area where people go through to leave the store...she's got all her bags in a cart so it's not like she's carrying anything...why the hell not?


----------



## awkwardsilent

Madax said:


> Update: Hasn't worked out so well. She's difficult to talk to, and I think I'm just going to stop at this point and look elsewhere.
> 
> Finding a girl that can string together a few sentences without using netspeak has become a bit of a challenge.


Hazard of this day and age I fear. Even people my age (in their 30's) use texting lingo and such. I even do it from time to time. We all just get lazy with the typing on smartphones etc. One of my friends won't let her sons text in abbreviations she insists they write proper sentences. I admire her for that but don't have the same discipline.


----------



## rymo

awkwardsilent said:


> Hazard of this day and age I fear. Even people my age (in their 30's) use texting lingo and such. I even do it from time to time. We all just get lazy with the typing on smartphones etc. One of my friends won't let her sons text in abbreviations she insists they write proper sentences. I admire her for that but don't have the same discipline.


Shorthand like that is a pet-peeve of mine. Not nearly on the same level as people who can't distinguish "their/there/they're" and "your/you're" though. I know, I know...saves time and all that. And after all, who can be bothered to have proper grammar in this fast-paced digital age? **** it! Let's all just be as lazy as possible.


----------



## pete24

Mines gone a bit bad....

The main 1 off POF... No txt today but she worked all day. Evening she was on FB... didnt msg me 1st, after an hour I sent her a message, long delays in replying, even though she did mention about a day to have her as company. Then I was last to send a message, no bye off her, nothing. You dont just leave the convo when your chatting to someone you want to have a date with.

During the chat I logged onto POF and her account was unhidden and she was online there.

Gonna leave it in her court now, she can be the 1 to text or message on FB 1st.

Apart from that a girl on POF messaged me 1st, but im not too keen


----------



## Cyclonic

awkwardsilent said:


> Hazard of this day and age I fear. Even people my age (in their 30's) use texting lingo and such. I even do it from time to time. We all just get lazy with the typing on smartphones etc. One of my friends won't let her sons text in abbreviations she insists they write proper sentences. I admire her for that but don't have the same discipline.


I don't really mind most acronyms as much when it comes to shorthand...but as far shortening (already short) words like "u", "r", and "2"...it just bugs me.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Mines gone a bit bad....
> 
> The main 1 off POF... No txt today but she worked all day. Evening she was on FB... didnt msg me 1st, after an hour I sent her a message, long delays in replying, even though she did mention about a day to have her as company. Then I was last to send a message, no bye off her, nothing. You dont just leave the convo when your chatting to someone you want to have a date with.
> 
> During the chat I logged onto POF and her account was unhidden and she was online there.
> 
> Gonna leave it in her court now, she can be the 1 to text or message on FB 1st.
> 
> Apart from that a girl on POF messaged me 1st, but im not too keen


This happens a lot which is why I don't put too much effort between the initial conversation and the time for the date. A lot of girls change their minds, or act interested when they aren't and you find out when they stop answering texts or disappear.

So when I meet a girl I'd like to date I'll have the longest conversation soon after meeting her and then will "ping" texts until the date. After that, I usually don't have long conversations at all over text because we already know a decent amount about each other, what's the point of having long conversations over text? At that point you should be dating her not having long conversations over the phone. If I had a buddy (guy friend) give me his number I wouldn't be texting him everyday or trying to initiate long conversations all the time unless we were in each other's company and just talking normally. That's how I do the process with girls too. At first there is the longest part of the conversation because we are finding out about each other, but then after that it is usually just seeing how their day went every now and then or trying to set up a date to talk like real people. But that's just me...I'm not saying everyone should do this if they don't want to, but you need to know when not to give a girl too much and just be normal (not saying you are doing anything wrong...just wanted to share that). Before a date you are still pretty much strangers and why would you call a stranger up everyday or talk everyday without knowing their investment in you? It's kind of strange.

Nevertheless, _be yourself. Act how you like to act. Don't think too much about it. Enjoy yourself._ I just wanted to give my two cents worth.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Mines gone a bit bad....
> 
> The main 1 off POF... No txt today but she worked all day. Evening she was on FB... didnt msg me 1st, after an hour I sent her a message, long delays in replying, even though she did mention about a day to have her as company. Then I was last to send a message, no bye off her, nothing. You dont just leave the convo when your chatting to someone you want to have a date with.
> 
> During the chat I logged onto POF and her account was unhidden and she was online there.
> 
> Gonna leave it in her court now, she can be the 1 to text or message on FB 1st.
> 
> Apart from that a girl on POF messaged me 1st, but im not too keen


Btw, usually when girls do things that show disinterest it usually indicates they are disinterested. There is no secret code in that.

But don't front. I used to analyze everything to painful detail and was insecure about it. Now I realize if she's not interested then there is one who is and when a girl shows disinterest or disapears or rejects you then the quicker you can move on and it saves you time.

This is gonna sound really corny but practice thinking from an* abundant mindset*. I can't emphasis this enough. Girls are abundant. Once you find out how to make them abundant then you won't worry about all those girls who reject you or aren't interested.

People may wonder why even though I'll get 4 numbers in a few days why I'm still going out trying to find more girls or get more numbers. The reason is because I know from experience maybe 1 out of those 4 girls might be interested, and so if that blows up in my face then I'll have more numbers to fall back on. This is why I was aiming for 15 numbers a week. I figured if I got that many numbers a week then I'd reach my goals every week of having an abundant dating life. I may not even need that much though.

The beauty is that once you find a girl who you really like and she likes you back all those rejections mean nothing. And if you are getting tons of numbers a week then chances are you'll have lots of girls who like you at the end of the month. Online is a different beast though--I've got 40 number sin a month and none of them went nowhere. I think the difference between a "player" and a guy who does this stuff is that the player will keep playing the number's game without settling for a relationship whereas the other guy will go through a similar process until he finds someone he likes and then he'll stop--the player keeps going. I'm not trying to say be a player; I thought that is kind of interesting though.

But still, so many variances to all this stuff. For example, if you really make a connection with every girl you talk to you'd likely see less flakes, etc. My interactions are very brief at school. (sorry for keep editing these posts! lol)


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

What's this challenge thread business?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> What's this challenge thread business?


we want to start an approach challange thread for motivation. It would be survivor style, just waiting for Rymo to have the kickoff


----------



## WD3

Ok after reading this thread I learned about POF. I recently just changed my headline etc to creative and stuff and I am getting messages. I asked one person about the walking dead(she had it on her profile) she is 29 and bisexual by the way -_- but cute. Then she wants me to call her WTF this site is weird how should I respond?


----------



## brownzerg

The weight loss train continues, or at least I'm trying anyhow. Seem to be stuck in a rut where what I try doesn't really work out all that well. 

Its strange and I don't know how to bust out of it  

I have a hard time interacting with females without getting all starry-eyed about it.. its kinda pathetic..
Playin' a game and there's a lady in there and im all happy about it..

its just sad...


----------



## WD3

brownzerg said:


> The weight loss train continues, or at least I'm trying anyhow. Seem to be stuck in a rut where what I try doesn't really work out all that well.
> 
> Its strange and I don't know how to bust out of it
> 
> I have a hard time interacting with females without getting all starry-eyed about it.. its kinda pathetic..
> Playin' a game and there's a lady in there and im all happy about it..
> 
> its just sad...


Just focus on the positives man! I know it is easier said than done.

You play starcraft lol? from your username lol


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> we want to start an approach challange thread for motivation. It would be survivor style, just waiting for Rymo to have the kickoff


Sorry I'm so ****ing tired lately...I will start it tomorrow for sure. If I don't you can go ahead, but I promise I will.


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Sorry I'm so ****ing tired lately...I will start it tomorrow for sure. If I don't you can go ahead, but I promise I will.


Have you been out clubbing/doing pickup?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan said:


> we want to start an approach challange thread for motivation. It would be survivor style, just waiting for Rymo to have the kickoff


Sounds fun. Count me in.



WD3 said:


> Ok after reading this thread I learned about POF. I recently just changed my headline etc to creative and stuff and I am getting messages. I asked one person about the walking dead(she had it on her profile) she is 29 and bisexual by the way -_- but cute. Then she wants me to call her WTF this site is weird how should I respond?


Give her a call. If you're not confident on the phone then just tell a little white lie and continue to chat online until you're ready I guess.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Have you been out clubbing/doing pickup?


Haha...well I went out on Saturday when I shouldn't have (mono), and that has knocked the wind out of my sails for the past few days. I'm going to attempt to go to bed early tonight (hard for me) to recover.


----------



## pete24

I always do online dating it a bit differently like rather than mobile number 1st, its adding them on FB (think I mentioned why in a previous post here, but its about doing your own snooping to see if they are worth dating as you cant snoop when your texting on phones).

All is not lost at current, but at the moment seems to be a case of.... Her thinking I was nice and what she wanted, but didnt close her dating site account, then someone else messaged her who she thinks is "hotter". 

You could be the hottest guy in the world to some women online, but if a "super hottest" guy message them, they will fall for it.


To be honest im not that bothered, its all in her court now, but as you say it shows disinterest, shes gonna have to put her pursuing boots on, or i'll put it down to her loss


----------



## Ivan AG

How far am I supposed to pursue a woman online? I feel like sometimes I'm doing ALL the damn work and she isn't showing much interest or holding her own in the conversation.

I ask her a question and she's like "yepp" or "i guess". Really? Do you have basic conversation skills, woman? Why do I have to pull the words out of your mouth like I'm pulling wisdom teeth?

I can't be witty/funny every waking moment....


----------



## pete24

Many are like that, there are loads that could be the right 1's though, so keep the faith


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> How far am I supposed to pursue a woman online? I feel like sometimes I'm doing ALL the damn work and she isn't showing much interest or holding her own in the conversation.
> 
> I ask her a question and she's like "yepp" or "i guess". Really? Do you have basic conversation skills, woman? Why do I have to pull the words out of your mouth like I'm pulling wisdom teeth?
> 
> I can't be witty/funny every waking moment....


Post some example convos


----------



## rymo

Btw, my old online profile (don't steal it ya bastids! not that it's so great or anything. just an example of how you don't actually have to say anything about yourself to say something about yourself):

_I am a tuxedo-donning, martini-drinking, ultra-suave daredevil who has driven the fastest cars, courted the most beautiful women, and trekked through the most exotic locales. I've braved the most perilous conditions and bested the most depraved villains. The world used to be my oyster - but I've been there and done that.

I now realize now that my adventures were selfish. I was a lone wolf, with no one to share my life with except the stars and the moon. At last, I want to strip down all of my heroics and bravado - to take off the tux, and to put down the glass. I want to take you on a journey. I want to get to know you on a deeper level, to discover your quirks and what makes you weak in the knees. I want to take you to dinner, and to chic bars and jazzy cafes. I want to hold your hand as we saunter along a winding trail at sunset. I want to embrace after hang-gliding over a South American jungle, landing in an evil secret lair, and defeating the&#8230;

Alright that's all I got. I'm just a nice guy looking for someone special, so I'm casting my net on the water - how about you?_


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

It's certainly different. Is there a general image you're trying to project?


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Btw, my old online profile (don't steal it ya bastids! not that it's so great or anything. just an example of how you don't actually have to say anything about yourself to say something about yourself):
> 
> _I am a tuxedo-donning, martini-drinking, ultra-suave daredevil who has driven the fastest cars, courted the most beautiful women, and trekked through the most exotic locales. I've braved the most perilous conditions and bested the most depraved villains. The world used to be my oyster - but I've been there and done that.
> 
> I now realize now that my adventures were selfish. I was a lone wolf, with no one to share my life with except the stars and the moon. At last, I want to strip down all of my heroics and bravado - to take off the tux, and to put down the glass. I want to take you on a journey. I want to get to know you on a deeper level, to discover your quirks and what makes you weak in the knees. I want to take you to dinner, and to chic bars and jazzy cafes. I want to hold your hand as we saunter along a winding trail at sunset. I want to embrace after hang-gliding over a South American jungle, landing in an evil secret lair, and defeating the&#8230;
> 
> Alright that's all I got. I'm just a nice guy looking for someone special, so I'm casting my net on the water - how about you?_


I love that, total mystery stuff, then a line at the bottom


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I always do online dating it a bit differently like rather than mobile number 1st, its adding them on FB (think I mentioned why in a previous post here, but its about doing your own snooping to see if they are worth dating as you cant snoop when your texting on phones).
> 
> All is not lost at current, but at the moment seems to be a case of.... Her thinking I was nice and what she wanted, but didnt close her dating site account, then someone else messaged her who she thinks is "hotter".
> 
> You could be the hottest guy in the world to some women online, but if a "super hottest" guy message them, they will fall for it.
> 
> To be honest im not that bothered, its all in her court now, but as you say it shows disinterest, shes gonna have to put her pursuing boots on, or i'll put it down to her loss


to be honest, you took things way to slow with this one. Why didnt you just call her? I think that texting instead of calling is part of the issue that people here have. From now on i am taking the calling route. Texting is useless, and i think someone women see it as the man being scared to call them


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> to be honest, you took things way to slow with this one. Why didnt you just call her? I think that texting instead of calling is part of the issue that people here have. From now on i am taking the calling route. Texting is useless, and i think someone women see it as the man being scared to call them


Its intrusive, they could be doing anything, like work, wedding, job interview. Understandably if its 1 of their good friends they may not mind... but some guy they've spoke to barely a few times on the net?

Something intrusive like phoning a girl when you get her number may make you look desperate, she has to stop what shes doing and answer the phone whilst a txt or FB message is just casual.

Im the sort person who thinks if it was the other way round, where we swapped numbers and they called me that soon I may be a bit put off.

Had 2 people from dating sites get my number and try to call me. 1 got my number and told me on dating site shes had this crazy past of drugs, sleeping around and still smokes weed, then tried calling me loads (wasnt a fake profile.. more "troubled" girl that i'll pass with and I didnt answer) the other I actually spoke to, it wasnt comfortable, although I did meet her in person, she was below par in looks and not my type so again I passed


----------



## brownzerg

WD3 said:


> Just focus on the positives man! I know it is easier said than done.
> 
> You play starcraft lol? from your username lol


Yeah the positives..
I guess there's uh, infinite possibility?

I do have a charm to me but you have to get to know me and let me in so-to-speak. Being as old as I am and not having had a job really counts against me since I come off as a mooch or someone who needs to be taken care of. I've been trying for about just over a year straight and still nothing, not even a call back or an interview or anything.

I think I'm bumping up against the misunderstanding of what SA is and how it can effect someone. I get the impression that because I'm not a beer chugging, deer hunting, die-hard packers fan that i'm "Weird".

Tryin' to work out, tryin' to find work, tryin' to keep myself better groomed and presentable, tryin' to smile more, tryin' to be more outgoing. It's all a whole lot of effort and its hard to keep on keeping on when you try it for so long without any sort of progress.

Also yes, i played starcraft for a long time  I'm a big gaming geek/nerd. If that were sexy I'd have some "game" with some ladies.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Its intrusive, they could be doing anything, like work, wedding, job interview. Understandably if its 1 of their good friends they may not mind... but some guy they've spoke to barely a few times on the net?
> 
> Something intrusive like phoning a girl when you get her number may make you look desperate, she has to stop what shes doing and answer the phone whilst a txt or FB message is just casual.
> 
> Im the sort person who thinks if it was the other way round, where we swapped numbers and they called me that soon I may be a bit put off.
> 
> Had 2 people from dating sites get my number and try to call me. 1 got my number and told me on dating site shes had this crazy past of drugs, sleeping around and still smokes weed, then tried calling me loads (wasnt a fake profile.. more "troubled" girl that i'll pass with and I didnt answer) the other I actually spoke to, it wasnt comfortable, although I did meet her in person, she was below par in looks and not my type so again I passed


No its not. Talking to you is more important for her then anything else. After all you could be the love of her life what's more important than that


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Its intrusive, they could be doing anything, like work, wedding, job interview. Understandably if its 1 of their good friends they may not mind... but some guy they've spoke to barely a few times on the net?
> 
> Something intrusive like phoning a girl when you get her number may make you look desperate, she has to stop what shes doing and answer the phone whilst a txt or FB message is just casual.
> 
> Im the sort person who thinks if it was the other way round, where we swapped numbers and they called me that soon I may be a bit put off.
> 
> Had 2 people from dating sites get my number and try to call me. 1 got my number and told me on dating site shes had this crazy past of drugs, sleeping around and still smokes weed, then tried calling me loads (wasnt a fake profile.. more "troubled" girl that i'll pass with and I didnt answer) the other I actually spoke to, it wasnt comfortable, although I did meet her in person, she was below par in looks and not my type so again I passed


Intrusive? I don't think so. I still have this fear of the phone but for a time I thought it was the ONLY way to do it (it's certainly not, but it is the best), and I was calling girls a day or two after I got their number online. Generally worked out just fine. Did this to meet my ex and she later told me that she was downright impressed that I called because most guys don't do that. Again, separating yourself from the pack. It's not intrusive because if they were interested enough to give you their number they will be excited to talk to you and calling shows confidence and gets straight to the point.


----------



## Cyclonic

Ivan AG said:


> How far am I supposed to pursue a woman online? I feel like sometimes I'm doing ALL the damn work and she isn't showing much interest or holding her own in the conversation.
> 
> I ask her a question and she's like "yepp" or "i guess". Really? Do you have basic conversation skills, woman? Why do I have to pull the words out of your mouth like I'm pulling wisdom teeth?
> 
> I can't be witty/funny every waking moment....


I'm in the same boat and I really haven't figured out this part of online dating. This even happens to me with women who message me first.


----------



## bsd3355

Don't feel like going out and doing this! Try to make it quick....


----------



## bsd3355

Maybe what I'm doing is strange and weird but I'll admit that. I think wanting to make relationships with people is normal BUT the way I personally go about it is probably pretty weird, yeah. Still, if it helps then it helps so w/e, I'll just be weird I guess. I know I recently said it was "normal and fine"....I do think it is fine, but maybe not so normal. I'm not really against it though because I'm not hurting anyone in any way shape or form though so I'll just continue being weird I guess 

To fullfil this weirdness, I really need to approach more in front of lots of people because this is a sticking point of mine and this is where usually all the girls are soooo...

Went out briefly today walking around campus but didn't approach again because I'm basically not being weird enough and approach in front tons of people lol. Need to step up the weirdness obviously...duh


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe what I'm doing is strange and weird but I'll admit that. I think wanting to make relationships with people is normal BUT the way I personally go about it is probably pretty weird, yeah. Still, if it helps then it helps so w/e, I'll just be weird I guess. I know I recently said it was "normal and fine"....I do think it is fine, but maybe not so normal. I'm not really against it though because I'm not hurting anyone in any way shape or form though so I'll just continue being weird I guess
> 
> To fullfil this weirdness, I really need to approach more in front of lots of people because this is a sticking point of mine and this is where usually all the girls are soooo...
> 
> Went out briefly today walking around campus but didn't approach again because I'm basically not being weird enough and approach in front tons of people lol. Need to step up the weirdness obviously...duh


Having massive balls of steel does not make you weird. It just means most guys aren't as boss-like as you. **** em.


----------



## bsd3355

Goals for tomorrow:

-Approach at least a couple girls in the busiest sections of campus
-Try to get two numbers

I won't have too much time to do this (maybe a little over an hour), and it'll be at my campus, which is 20+ mins away from my house. I think it'll be harder to do because I won't feel as confident and my vibe will be a little off; I know I'll be way more self-conscious with so much people around (likely 20+). More girls though and it'll save me walking all over campus. These last couple times I went out I didn't approach anyone because of excuses.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Goals for tomorrow:
> 
> -Approach at least a couple girls in the busiest sections of campus
> -Try to get two numbers
> 
> I won't have too much time to do this (maybe a little over an hour), and it'll be at my campus, which is 20+ mins away from my house. I think it'll be harder to do because I won't feel as confident and my vibe will be a little off; I know I'll be way more self-conscious with so much people around (likely 20+). More girls though and it'll save me walking all over campus. These last couple times I went out I didn't approach anyone because of excuses.


Man, you've got some balls :/


----------



## Ivan AG

I don't have enough game to get a number from a girl online. :/

I just don't know how to ask her without sounding like a retarded, half-trollish creeper.

"BTW WAT UR NUMBER? CAN I HAZ?"


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> I don't have enough game to get a number from a girl online. :/
> 
> I just don't know how to ask her without sounding like a retarded, half-trollish creeper.
> 
> "BTW WAT UR NUMBER? CAN I HAZ?"


can you post an example conversation you've had?


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> can you post an example conversation you've had?


It's just random banter right now.

For example, she uses the word "Yeps" as just a single word answer to my questions.

Me: "How much do you like the word "Yeps"? 5/5 stars"?

Her: "5/5 Yeps!"

Things like that.

It's strange to go direct for her number after playing around and just joking.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> It's just random banter right now.
> 
> For example, she uses the word "Yeps" as just a single word answer to my questions.
> 
> Me: "How much do you like the word "Yeps"? 5/5 stars"?
> 
> Her: "5/5 Yeps!"
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> It's strange to go direct for her number after playing around and just joking.


You're right - it doesn't sound like you have much rapport going on with her. That's not to say you can't go for the # after around 5 messages, or that you need to establish some kind of amazing connection. Why don't you ask/direct statement to her something that she has to answer legitimately? Yes or no questions aren't that exciting.


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> You're right - it doesn't sound like you have much rapport going on with her. That's not to say you can't go for the # after around 5 messages, or that you need to establish some kind of amazing connection. Why don't you ask/direct statement to her something that she has to answer legitimately? Yes or no questions aren't that exciting.


See, I've always thought getting serious with women is a turn off for them cause they crave excitement and all that jazz, so I'm really hesitant to go into more detail.

What kind of questions do you have in mind anyways? Like her career, uni and job kind of serious?


----------



## bsd3355

This seems fitting for some people here:


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> See, I've always thought getting serious with women is a turn off for them cause they crave excitement and all that jazz, so I'm really hesitant to go into more detail.
> 
> What kind of questions do you have in mind anyways? Like her career, uni and job kind of serious?


I don't know, it would depend on the person and their profile/pictures. And asking a few personal questions can be exciting, that doesn't mean you're getting serious with them. Like the example I gave you a week or so ago about the girl with the makeup. "So...what really drives you?" That kind of thing. An interesting question that challenges them. Or an assumption about them based on their profile ("you look like the adventurous type..I'm going to guess you've done some awesome things in your life. What's the most exciting thing you've done?")


----------



## pete24

Probably something we will always beg to differ on in regards to the phoning a girl after getting her number online,

Its something thats never worked for me.

Anyways 100% that POF girl is a fail, nothing off her all day, shes been online on FB and on the dating site, n 1 of the potential days we spoke about meeting on for a date was tomorrow. She couldnt be bothered so im done with her.

Im actually feeling bored of it. The dating site rubbish, not in a down way but more of a WTF!! way.

Theres women that I message who I give the benefit of the doubt, only average or lower in the pics.... But I give them some credit and think they may not be photogenic... But then no reply, not even a no thanks. These are the sort of women who would see me and a club (If I was still a clubbing guy) and think "He's hot, but hes way out of my league"... 

In future im gonna let them message me to initialise a chat. Only going to bother messaging the few women on there that I can read their profile and think "wow, this is a girl around my standards and is very much like me"


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> This seems fitting for some people here:


+10000000000

Inspiring.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Probably something we will always beg to differ on in regards to the phoning a girl after getting her number online,
> 
> Its something thats never worked for me.
> 
> Anyways 100% that POF girl is a fail, nothing off her all day, shes been online on FB and on the dating site, n 1 of the potential days we spoke about meeting on for a date was tomorrow. She couldnt be bothered so im done with her.
> 
> Im actually feeling bored of it. The dating site rubbish, not in a down way but more of a WTF!! way.
> 
> Theres women that I message who I give the benefit of the doubt, only average or lower in the pics.... But I give them some credit and think they may not be photogenic... But then no reply, not even a no thanks. These are the sort of women who would see me and a club (If I was still a clubbing guy) and think "He's hot, but hes way out of my league"...
> 
> In future im gonna let them message me to initialise a chat. Only going to bother messaging the few women on there that I can read their profile and think "wow, this is a girl around my standards and is very much like me"


Why am I not surprised? Welcome to the world of online dating lol. I've always disliked it. Offline is better in my personal opinion.


----------



## Ivan AG




----------



## bsd3355

Guys, gonna be honest here... I walked around briefly today after setting my goals for tomorrow just to get a feel of how it would be approaching in the busiest sections of campus... it's going to be ****ing HARD--like starting all over anxiety-wise hard.

Why? Obviously, it's all in my head but hardly anyone is talking in a vast sea of people and I'll be stopping some random girl and all eyes will be on me and everyone will hear me. It's one thing to talk about it but once you are in that situation anxiety hits hard. I can do it, and I've done it before, but just from testing it out briefly today, it's gonna be real tough at first.

Whenever I feel high anxiety I usually sit down and brainstorm how I'm going to overcome it or accomplish my goal. I may need to do "warm ups" for something this intense for me. Because I'm too ***** to go direct (lol), I'll likely ask for directions and then transition into a conversion and into a number exchange, but to even get comfortable with this I'll probably have to warm up asking for directions to get a feel of how it will be like in a silent large crowd where everyone can hear me--likely, that part will be easy. After I warm up and get a feeling for that I'll try transitioning into a conversation with another girl I ask for directions: "Are you a freshman/sophomore/etc?" After I've done that a couple times I'll just go all the way with the next girl and try to number close.

My biggest fear is that everyone is going to hear what I'm doing and it'll be super awkward when I get rejected, because I most likely will get rejected because my vibe ill be all ****ed up. I mean, no way of hiding from it. I will get rejected in front of everyone in a silent stream of people. lol. I usually approach in less busy areas of campus because I'm a ***** lol. But in this case, this will be like me approaching with 20+ people around all quite walking to class and I'll be sticking out like a sore thumb, which is why I want to warm up.

My goal isn't to really get any numbers per say from approaching in busy sections in front of tons of people, but it'd be nice. However, I still want to get at least 2 numbers because it's been a nearly week since I've gotten any numbers and the two girls I've been texting are on the fence.

My campus is more open too so it'll be more hectic and in wide open so it adds some extra anxiety for me.

In a way I'm kind of excited about it because it puts that pressure on me to act, which is what I've been looking for lately. Will only have an hour or so, so I can't walk around too long. That times flies when you are walking around, trust me.


----------



## Cyclonic

I'd actually love to stop using online dating. However I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to talk to a girl otherwise.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> I'd actually love to stop using online dating. However I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to talk to a girl otherwise.


Yes you would.


----------



## pete24

Madax said:


> I'd actually love to stop using online dating. However I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to talk to a girl otherwise.


I feel the same. Until I get a job in the new year my social life will consist of nothing.... A few pints in the daytime (never women about drinking in the day anyway) 1 day a week and thats it.


----------



## Ivan AG

pete24 said:


> I feel the same. Until I get a job in the new year my social life will consist of nothing.... A few pints in the daytime (never women about drinking in the day anyway) 1 day a week and thats it.


Can't you meet some people from meetup.com or just the hobbies you enjoy?

I'm sure there's ways to make friends without relying on work.


----------



## pete24

Ivan AG said:


> Can't you meet some people from meetup.com or just the hobbies you enjoy?
> 
> I'm sure there's ways to make friends without relying on work.


Nobody anywhere near my area on that site. People here already tend to have friends. N isnt looking online for friends still seen as sad and desperate (like online dating once was) ? So many people dont do it.

The way iv always seen it is to make friends you need to have friends. So for example, your with 2 or 3 friends in a pub, 1 of the friends sees a group of people and they know 1 or 2 of the group, they go over and talk and you all sit together, if you say a few things chances are you will become friends with them.

That POF girl got in touch with me today 1st (The 1 I was pretty much done with). To be fair I couldnt be bothered to say much to her, she hinted she has 6 days off in a few days and I said about meeting, but nup.... Shes said shes overspent on stuff for her new place so is skint. Dont get me wrong, shes probably telling the truth. But surely anyone can rustle up £10 or so for a date. I know im not working at the mo, owe £200 for bills each month (which I have to magic up aka borrow until I find work) but if it came to a date I could easily get hold of £10.

In the end she was last to message me... I couldnt be bothered to reply this time


----------



## phoenixwright

I've tried meetup.com groups.

The funny thing is that at my local social anxiety meetup, the cute girls never stick around after their first meeting. They get lots of attention from the shy, socially awkward, likely virgin, guys in our meetup. And my guess is the guys scare them away. Women smell the ***** desperation on them and run away. ***** desperation is a turn-off to women and they can smell it a mile away.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I've tried meetup.com groups.
> 
> The funny thing is that at my local social anxiety meetup, the cute girls never stick around after their first meeting. They get lots of attention from the shy, socially awkward, likely virgin, guys in our meetup. And my guess is the guys scare them away. Women smell the ***** desperation on them and run away. ***** desperation is a turn-off to women and they can smell it a mile away.


This is true. Hence faking confidence until you actually become confident.

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html


----------



## srschirm

Fake it til you make it.


----------



## bsd3355

God, this feels real strange today. Feels fake and desperate. I dont know why i feel different about it some days. Im a slave to my feelings


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> God, this feels real strange today. Feels fake and desperate. I dont know why i feel different about it some days. *Im a slave to my feelings*


I either want to feel on top of the world every day or just feel nothing at all. I'm in the middle of a depressive episode and I feel like doing **** all.

How do people like Owen Cook manage to stay happy and positive 24/7?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I either want to feel on top of the world every day or just feel nothing at all. I'm in the middle of a depressive episode and I feel like doing **** all.
> 
> How do people like Owen Cook manage to stay happy and positive 24/7?


He isnt always happy he pushes himself.

I think today my problem is that i want some realness on the approach. In other words i want something deeper.

Idk, was thinking trying to push the interaction and go for a solid connection. W/e, back to it


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> He isnt always happy he pushes himself.
> 
> I think today my problem is that i want some realness on the approach. In other words i want something deeper.
> 
> Idk, was thinking trying to push the interaction and go for a solid connection. W/e, back to it


Screw it. I don't know what it is this week but I sincerely don't want it bad enough or something. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I need some time off from doing this? Idk. I hate taking time off when I haven't done anything in nearly a week, but that's probably what I need. Hell if i know


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Screw it. I don't know what it is this week but I sincerely don't want it bad enough or something. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I need some time off from doing this? Idk. I hate taking time off when I haven't done anything in nearly a week, but that's probably what I need. Hell if i know


From what I understand from the SP guys and from life in general, you're not always going to feel the same every day or every week. That's just how it is. But if you get out there and push past those reservations time and time again you can become very good at handling those "off" feelings. I say, just go for it anyway man.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Screw it. I don't know what it is this week but I sincerely don't want it bad enough or something. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I need some time off from doing this? Idk. I hate taking time off when I haven't done anything in nearly a week, but that's probably what I need. Hell if i know


I'm in the doldrums too bro, I'm not going to lie. Feeling stressed lately.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> From what I understand from the SP guys and from life in general, you're not always going to feel the same every day or every week. That's just how it is. But if you get out there and push past those reservations time and time again you can become very good at handling those "off" feelings. I say, just go for it anyway man.


Gah, you're right. I'm going to bow out today though. Presentation in about an hour (excuse).

I hate sounding like a broken record, but tomorrow I'll make another goal for myself. This time I'll put high emphasis on the fact that I'll most likely not want to do it. I'll try to set a time limit so I don't procrastinate.

My main goal is to plow through every excuse I told myself this last couple days and get some god damn numbers (not just approaches).

Excuses as of late:
1) This is weird
2) I feel weird
3) People will think negatively of me
4) I don't feel like it
etc.

NO EXCUSES TOMORROW! Like I said, I'll put emphasis on expecting these excuses to rear up. I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind tomorrow so I don't yield again.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> This is true. Hence faking confidence until you actually become confident.
> 
> http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html


i don't believe in faking it till you make it. You have to actively work on changing your way of thinking.

I think a whole lot of self-reflection and escorts (lol) have helped. What does that stranger have that makes her superior to me? What is it about her that warrants desperation? Nothing. You don't even know the person and looks don't entitle you to greater humanity. I've already banged hot women. The act itself is not a big deal. The desire to spit game and succeed with a hot woman is purely about ego. Men need to replace that desire with the desire to connect.

I find that ego seems to lurk beneath the surface for me every time I majorly crush over a girl. It's always about how she makes me feel about myself. I question whether I truly had genuine feelings for the last girl I had feelings for for this reason. I'm an egotistical person. A lot of people in society are (if not all or the vast majority perhaps?) but won't admit it to themselves.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> i don't believe in faking it till you make it. You have to actively work on changing your way of thinking.
> 
> I think a whole lot of self-reflection and escorts (lol) have helped. What does that stranger have that makes her superior to me? What is it about her that warrants desperation? Nothing. You don't even know the person and looks don't entitle you to greater humanity.


Faking it till you _become it_ is what the video is about. You essentially _are_ changing the way you think through exposure. You're going from "I can't do this" to "I'm doing this!". Hell, faking it till you become it is what changed my life, so I'm only speaking from experience. Believe what you will.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> i don't believe in faking it till you make it. You have to actively work on changing your way of thinking.
> 
> I think a whole lot of self-reflection and escorts (lol) have helped. What does that stranger have that makes her superior to me? What is it about her that warrants desperation? Nothing. You don't even know the person and looks don't entitle you to greater humanity.


Everyone does it for different reasons. To some sex is very important. To others, it's the experience. To others it's the lack of experience.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Faking it till you _become it_ is what the video is about. You essentially _are_ changing the way you think through exposure. You're going from "I can't do this" to "I'm doing this!". Hell, faking it till you become it is what changed my life, so I'm only speaking from experience. Believe what you will.


I agree, you feign confidence until you get the experiences and discover you really can do the things you thought you couldn't do.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> He isnt always happy he pushes himself.
> 
> I think today my problem is that i want some realness on the approach. In other words i want something deeper.
> 
> Idk, was thinking trying to push the interaction and go for a solid connection. W/e, back to it


I think I know how you feel. Your approaching but the girls have no meaning

At the end of the day I never felt that approaching random girls is the answer just because its so distant.

I don't know November has been awful for me. I feel really unexcited. Feel like giving up. Thats the problem though


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Faking it till you _become it_ is what the video is about. You essentially _are_ changing the way you think through exposure. You're going from "I can't do this" to "I'm doing this!". Hell, faking it till you become it is what changed my life, so I'm only speaking from experience. Believe what you will.


Theres nothing wrong with exposure therapy. I don't believe in pretending to be confident though. It's a gradual process of self-acceptance and challenging distorted thinking.

When I first started out driving, I didn't go "I'm a great driver, I can do anything perfect." No I'd just make sure not to panic and take things a step at a time and I gradually improved my confidence behind the wheel.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Theres nothing wrong with exposure therapy. I don't believe in pretending to be confident though. It's a gradual process of self-acceptance and challenging distorted thinking.
> 
> When I first started out driving, I didn't go "I'm a great driver, I can do anything perfect." No I'd just make sure not to panic and take things a step at a time and I gradually improved my confidence behind the wheel.


But you were still driving. IMO it's just harder to accept yourself if your frustrations are tied into not being social enough if you're not socializing. In other words, accepting yourself and becoming confident while in relative isolation can take a really long time. I know it certainly didn't work for me. Slight changes through positive thinking when I was alone allowed me to have a decent enough base to get out there, but it wasn't until I thrust myself out there with 100% of my being that I made the big changes. And while the car comparison is fine, the "I can do anything perfect" mentality is in no way what I'm talking but. It's more like "I can do this if I try by doing my best and working hard", not "I can do this perfectly right off the bat".


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think I know how you feel. Your approaching but the girls have no meaning
> 
> At the end of the day I never felt that approaching random girls is the answer just because its so distant.
> 
> I don't know November has been awful for me. I feel really unexcited. Feel like giving up. Thats the problem though


Some girls are open to talking further than the initial interaction, some arent. If the girl wants to get to know you further she will open up later on and allow a connection to happen. Any way you want to meet women seems to have a downside as well as an upside. You just need to find what works best for you. I like to think i can meet women anywhere because for the most part its true, you just have to be ready for it and do it.

If you believe it can work then it will. If you dont then it wont usually. I was on the wrong side of that thinking today and i simply worry too much what ppl think


----------



## cloister2

I sent 25 or so messages on okcupid but got nothing back. Even an insult would be welcome. When I passed puberty every girl I tried to talk to screamed I was a nerd and halted communication. They hated me.


----------



## srschirm

cloister2 said:


> I sent 25 or so messages on okcupid but got nothing back. Even an insult would be welcome. When I passed puberty every girl I tried to talk to screamed I was a nerd and halted communication. They hated me.


What are your messages like?


----------



## bsd3355

I'm going to ask friday if these two girls want to hang out again (for the 4th time). If they say they are busy or can't I'm deleting their numbers. Don't care if it's legit reasons or not. They aren't really showing me they care so they probably don't.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> I'm going to ask friday if these two girls want to hang out again (for the 4th time). If they say they are busy or can't I'm deleting their numbers. Don't care if it's legit reasons or not. They aren't really showing me they care so they probably don't.


I would probably do the same...and don't give a care if they say they can't. Just move along to the next one(s).


----------



## Ivan AG

When you guys go out, do you imagine yourself as a famous person or a powerful person that is emotionally strong?

Someone that you identify with in your life? 

I find this kind of mental imagery really helps me plow through avoidance and anxiety when something just needs to be done.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> When you guys go out, do you imagine yourself as a famous person or a powerful person that is emotionally strong?
> 
> Someone that you identify with in your life?
> 
> I find this kind of mental imagery really helps me plow through avoidance and anxiety when something just needs to be done.


I usually never do something unless I feel and invision myself doing it first. Sometimes I literally have to sit down, take notes and eliminate any limiting beliefs. It sounds a bit extreme, but sometimes it is needed to get your mind right.

For the most part, when I'm out, I try not to think and just do it. I think it's best to think about everything before you go out and when you go out just train yourself to act regardless without thinking too much.

Have you ever felt confident you approach and talk to a girl before? Have you ever invisioned yourself successfully doing that?


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> I usually never do something unless I feel and invision myself doing it first. Sometimes I literally have to sit down, take notes and eliminate any limiting beliefs. It sounds a bit extreme, but sometimes it is needed to get your mind right.
> 
> Have you ever felt confident you approach and talk to a girl before? Have you ever invisioned yourself successfully doing that?


Yes, YES!

If I simply go into the situation without much "state" I'm just not prepared mentally.

It's usually either meditation/imagery/CBT/ACT therapy or a combination.

I'm glad someone can relate to this.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Yes, YES!
> 
> If I simply go into the situation without much "state" I'm just not prepared mentally.
> 
> It's usually either meditation/imagery/CBT/ACT therapy or a combination.
> 
> I'm glad someone can relate to this.


The only problem with that is that you can get to the point where you have to rely on some ritual before you approach, potentially wasting time and missing opportunities. If you just continuously say **** it and approach no matter what state of mind you're in, you'll be able to deal with the negative days that much easier. Especially since sometimes interacting with someone and feeling that sense of accomplishment can downright lift up your spirits for the whole day or even week.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Yes, YES!
> 
> If I simply go into the situation without much "state" I'm just not prepared mentally.
> 
> It's usually either meditation/imagery/CBT/ACT therapy or a combination.
> 
> I'm glad someone can relate to this.


That's great then! If you think you can do it then you'll act on that thought usually.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> The only problem with that is that you can get to the point where you have to rely on some ritual before you approach, potentially wasting time and missing opportunities. If you just continuously say **** it and approach no matter what state of mind you're in, you'll be able to deal with the negative days that much easier. Especially since sometimes interacting with someone and feeling that sense of accomplishment can downright lift up your spirits for the whole day or even week.


I agree. I edited a little later that you should meditate BEFORE or after you go out. When you are out there you don't want to think much. But i've noticed it helps to prep your mind ahead of time. I agree it is a waste of time to try and out think your fear in the moment. It almost never works.

When I approach this is what usually goes through my mind:

"There's a girl I'd like to approach. Approach"

That's it.

Thinking too much while out usually hinders you.


----------



## bsd3355

A lot of guys talk about a "5 second rule" or approaching fast when you arrive at a place you want to meet girls. Because what happens, almost subconsciously, is the mind piles on excuse after excuse of why you shouldn't. Learning how to be good at this means you need to learn how to shave off all your excuses. My greatest sticking point of all time is "what will people think". I still can't get past that in certain instances. Sometimes it's too powerful, like today.

It sounds a bit cold or weird to think you need to go in and approach like a maniac without thinking, and chances are it'll look strange to other people, but you don't want to be those people who look on the sidelines and say that's weird or else you will never take aciton. You almost have to con yourself into thinking you are the "boss" for taking action and stepping up and risking embarrassment. I guess you are if you can do that.


----------



## Ivan AG

But then don't you become a boss just by taking that risk that 95% of people will never take?

Don't your actions end up defining you as a person?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> But then don't you become a boss just by taking that risk that 95% of people will never take?
> 
> Don't your actions end up defining you as a person?


I need this quote as a motto or something lol.

I would say you are a boss if you can do this stuff consistently. ANy person who does what they want regardless is a boss


----------



## Sourdog

Hmm i created a profile on a dating website (OKCupid), but should i put a picture of myself on it? I'm scared that someone i know will find out.


----------



## pete24

Another POF girl tonight and this time... Brilliant.

I started by messaging her... and already, each message is an essay. 10 paragraphs, we are forgetting to reply to some things we put because theres so much to talk about. 

Going in for my usual methods early and asking if shes on FB... I dont do that til after 2 or 3 days of chatting... but the screen isnt big enough on POF to view the whole message and reply :O


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> Another POF girl tonight and this time... Brilliant.
> 
> I started by messaging her... and already, each message is an essay. 10 paragraphs, we are forgetting to reply to some things we put because theres so much to talk about.
> 
> Going in for my usual methods early and asking if shes on FB... I dont do that til after 2 or 3 days of chatting... but the screen isnt big enough on POF to view the whole message and reply :O


Good job man!


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Hmm i created a profile on a dating website (OKCupid), but should i put a picture of myself on it? I'm scared that someone i know will find out.


Of course you should. No chance of any dates unless you do. And who gives a **** if someone you know finds out. Dating sites are not taboo.


----------



## mattigummi

I'm currently in a state of mind where I would think it would bad if I were to hint the girl I like, that I like her. Like oh no, what if she thinks I like her. But isn't that something I should be trying to do? I was panicking whether or not to like her new FB profile picture. Ended up liking it. Think it's the first time I've ever liked a girl's profile pic. Hope it doesn't brand me as a creep heh...


----------



## pete24

Sourdog said:


> Good job man!


Thanks dude, and she gave me it... all added.

Its like this connections formed, similaritys just seem extreme to be a coincidence.

Had a browse of her pics and wow.... Mixed thoughts... Like you get a few where I think "hmmm not the best looking"... then I click on another and shes absolutely stunning.

Edit: On reflection I dont know, This is puzzling. The bad pics of her are seriously bad looking and not my type, but the hot pics are some top level girl....


----------



## rymo

mattigummi said:


> I'm currently in a state of mind where I would think it would bad if I were to hint the girl I like, that I like her. Like oh no, what if she thinks I like her. But isn't that something I should be trying to do? I was panicking whether or not to like her new FB profile picture. Ended up liking it. Think it's the first time I've ever liked a girl's profile pic. Hope it doesn't brand me as a creep heh...


It will only brand you as a creep if you act creepy. Acting creepy includes HINTING to a girl that you like her. If you outright messaged her on FB, now THAT'S confidence. THAT shows balls. You might not think you're ready to do something like that but I'm just saying, even though that seems like the "creepy" thing to do, that is actually the best possible method when it comes to FB. Not creeping around, liking a photo here, liking a photo there. It's being direct and going for it.


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


> Of course you should. No chance of any dates unless you do. And who gives a **** if someone you know finds out. Dating sites are not taboo.


Ya you're right **** it, i'll put my pic on.


----------



## mattigummi

rymo said:


> It will only brand you as a creep if you act creepy. Acting creepy includes HINTING to a girl that you like her. If you outright messaged her on FB, now THAT'S confidence. THAT shows balls. You might not think you're ready to do something like that but I'm just saying, even though that seems like the "creepy" thing to do, that is actually the best possible method when it comes to FB. Not creeping around, liking a photo here, liking a photo there. It's being direct and going for it.


Well I certainly don't have the balls for that right now. And yeah I won't be liking many other photos of her. But before I do anything I want to try to talk to her in person for atleast more than a minute, which I have not done yet sadly. But her friends make that impossible.

I have an idea though, she likes Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. I could ask her to go with me to see the new Hobbit film in december.


----------



## rymo

mattigummi said:


> Well I certainly don't have the balls for that right now. And yeah I won't be liking many other photos of her. But before I do anything I want to try to talk to her in person for atleast more than a minute, which I have not done yet sadly. But her friends make that impossible.
> 
> I have an idea though, she likes Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. I could ask her to go with me to see the new Hobbit film in december.


boss.


----------



## pete24

Im having problems deciding if shes hot... Take a look guys... well dont quote pics of course cause ill take them down in an hour..... Perhaps its a sign of not being photogenic at certain times? If shes more like the bottom pic then no way

Edit: Removed pics


----------



## rymo

No, she is not attractive. SORRY GIRL WHOEVER YOU ARE!

EDIT: She is clearly beautiful on the inside though, and my judgement of her attractiveness is purely based on my own selfish, disgusting, and completely subjective viewpoint. Thank you, and good night.


----------



## Barette

I mean, from a purely subjective (or is it objective? I never get them straight) viewpoint, that first one is taken from a very obscure angle to hide her features, as well as showcase her cleavage. Classic girl picture. Because that way you can't even make out her face, really.

ETA: ^^Or for a more succinct answer XD


----------



## meeps

how rude.


----------



## pete24

Thanks both....

Pics edited again


Is 1 of the most recent (a month ago)


----------



## Barette

I think she's cute.


----------



## rymo

Yeh me too.


----------



## pete24

meeps said:


> how rude.


Its hard when it comes to online, usually I see pics and think or know if shes hot/my type...

but im clueless with this 1

edit: All 5 pics were the same girl :O... Its a tough 1


----------



## meeps

pete24 said:


> Its hard when it comes to online, usually I see pics and think or know if shes hot/my type...
> 
> but im clueless with this 1


So you're asking others to judge and going by what they say? 
I think she's cute. Not a supermodel or anything, but still cute. Your responses are going to be varied though, since people have different tastes.


----------



## meeps

rymo said:


> No, she is not attractive. SORRY GIRL WHOEVER YOU ARE!
> 
> EDIT: She is clearly beautiful on the inside though, and my judgement of her attractiveness is purely based on my own selfish, disgusting, and completely subjective viewpoint. Thank you, and good night.


I just didn't think it was nice. I get that it's your subjective viewpoint, but I kinda can't help it when I see average to cute looking girls being called "unattractive" or even "ugly". It makes me wonder how awfully hideous people must think_ I_ am. And honestly I don't think it's very sensitive to people on this site who have issues with BDD. Sorry for spoiling your fun by being insecure and hating how harshly men judge women or whatever. I'll go away now.


----------



## rymo

meeps said:


> I just didn't think it was nice. I get that it's your subjective viewpoint, but I kinda can't help it when I see average to cute looking girls being called "unattractive" or even "ugly". It makes me wonder how awfully hideous people must think_ I_ am. And honestly I don't think it's very sensitive to people on this site who have issues with BDD. Sorry for spoiling your fun by being insecure and hating how harshly men judge women or whatever. I'll go away now.


It's okay, you're right. You sexy devil you


----------



## brownzerg

She is pretty  I like her eyes, they don't come through too well in the second more recent photo but still very nice.

I'd be floored if she was talkin' to me on a getting to know one another basis as a prelude for potential dating.

Very cool man


----------



## pete24

Thanks all,

didnt mean to offend or anything by putting them up... I think the main reasons were because from talking we obviously had similar personality's... so perhaps that clouded my judgement and could of made me see her as hotter.

I mean as a whole wanted a few opinions, I know if it was my clouded judgement thinking shes hotter than she is.... and I ended up getting with her... no doubt boredom will set in at some point and it will be a waste of time


----------



## Zeeshan

you know i just came to terms with something

Bwidger you might be interested in this too. No one goes up on a straight line, even the best athletes in the world when they have breakouts go into slumps.

The last couple of weeks have been bad for me, and i was getting down on myself. However its all about taking two steps forward and then one step back. Every time you step into the fire you get burned a little bit, but then you take even better steps forward.

The guys on this thread are making great progress. At the end of the day we are in charge of our lifes, without exception.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> you know i just came to terms with something
> 
> Bwidger you might be interested in this too. No one goes up on a straight line, even the best athletes in the world when they have breakouts go into slumps.
> 
> The last couple of weeks have been bad for me, and i was getting down on myself. However its all about taking two steps forward and then one step back. Every time you step into the fire you get burned a little bit, but then you take even better steps forward.
> 
> The guys on this thread are making great progress. At the end of the day we are in charge of our lifes, without exception.


damn right, now go sign up to the challenge thread. you've been waiting for a week for this.


----------



## Ivan AG

New RSD material from Tyler for anyone that's interested.

Owen Cook is such a beast. He's like the energizer bunny of the pickup community.


----------



## komorikun

I didn't get to see the photo.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> I didn't get to see the photo.


Neither did I

By the way, your avatar = Win


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> damn right, now go sign up to the challenge thread. you've been waiting for a week for this.


no **** dude, i've been waiting for zeeshan to sign up...

heck, i might lose the first week the way my week is going.

rymo, is the challenge underway already? starting when?


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> no **** dude, i've been waiting for zeeshan to sign up...
> 
> heck, i might lose the first week the way my week is going.
> 
> rymo, is the challenge underway already? starting when?


i didnt notice the thread

when does it start, i am really extremely motivated right now


----------



## cloister2

srschirm said:


> What are your messages like?


just saying hi, never more than 1 line


----------



## srschirm

cloister2 said:


> just saying hi, never more than 1 line


Okay what I do is try to touch on something they wrote on their profile. Something you like. Then maybe ask a question about something on their profile. The whole thing doesn't have to take more than 5 sentences.


----------



## Ivan AG

cloister2 said:


> just saying hi, never more than 1 line


Just wait till you have to escalate and ask for her number/FB.

Things get even more frustrating.


----------



## srschirm

Damn, I missed the pics.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> you know i just came to terms with something
> 
> Bwidger you might be interested in this too. No one goes up on a straight line, even the best athletes in the world when they have breakouts go into slumps.
> 
> The last couple of weeks have been bad for me, and i was getting down on myself. However its all about taking two steps forward and then one step back. Every time you step into the fire you get burned a little bit, but then you take even better steps forward.
> 
> The guys on this thread are making great progress. At the end of the day we are in charge of our lifes, without exception.


It all depends on how you respond to failures and setbacks. You can say to yourself it is hopeless or you can learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

My battles have never been with women. Nearly all my battles have been within myself, which is one reason I am obsessed with this ****. I can get rejected all day 24/7, but if I'm OK with myself and the process then I know things will be alright because, honestly, getting rejected for 24 hours straight is HUGE, HUUUGE fluke. If I approached when I'm fine within myself and no care about rejection or what people think, and I did that for 24 hours straight, I probably wouldn't have to go out again for a while because I'm pretty sure I'd be dating at least a few people from that. Instead, what I do is I typically approach a very small amount of girls which extends the week, and then the next week I don't feel like it or have anxiety about it, which extends the month, etc.

A while ago I made a series of blogs (or thread?) about approaching girls in walmart. I tried for 2 months straight to get the balls and courage to do it. I finally did it eventually. Nothing special happened from it, but the fact that I went through that process showed me what my problems were. It's really been the same problem of having a negative mindset and caring too much what people think. That has always been my problem. You break out of it eventually, and then sometimes you sink back into it. There is a lot of pressure and focus that you gain from failing and you become more determined if you use it to your advantage.

Technically, it's not hard--you see a person you'd like to talk to; you go talk to them; you ask for their number or a date and then move on. That's it. It's hard because of US! Not the people involved.

When I was away from the forums because I banned myself (lol) I had the perfect mindset to meet girls. My mindset and attitude was perfect. I went out one day approached I think 9 girls and got 5 numbers. Of those five numbers I got a date with one and I met up with another girl from it but wasn't really a date so yeah. That only happened because I knew I was going to get a wave of rejections but at the same time I knew I'd get success IF I kept approaching (rejections weren't bad actually because my attitude and vibe was so strong). I NEVER DO THAT!!!! But it's so freakin' simple. I was walking around campus when I did this. Instead, what I do is I either don't approach enough or I have anxiety about it, or I get 1 or maybe 2 numbers then take a day or two off then that extends into a week and then I fight anxiety.....I should learn from my mistakes. There is no reason why I should be extending this for me when I know I can get probably 10 numbers in a day if I really tried. Maybe one day I'll have a day off and I'll set my goal to get 10 numbers in a day to see if I can do such a thing. It would be very interesting to see what happens from that.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> It all depends on how you respond to failures and setbacks. You can say to yourself it is hopeless or you can learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.
> 
> My battles have never been with women. Nearly all my battles have been within myself, which is one reason I am obsessed with this ****. I can get rejected all day 24/7, but if I'm OK with myself and the process then I know things will be alright because, honestly, getting rejected for 24 hours straight is HUGE, HUUUGE fluke. If I approached when I'm fine within myself and no care about rejection or what people think, and I did that for 24 hours straight, I probably wouldn't have to go out again for a while because I'm pretty sure I'd be dating at least a few people from that. Instead, what I do is I typically approach a very small amount of girls which extends the week, and then the next week I don't feel like it or have anxiety about it, which extends the month, etc.
> 
> A while ago I made a series of blogs (or thread?) about approaching girls in walmart. I tried for 2 months straight to get the balls and courage to do it. I finally did it eventually. Nothing special happened from it, but the fact that I went through that process showed me what my problems were. It's really been the same problem of having a negative mindset and caring too much what people think. That has always been my problem. You break out of it eventually, and then sometimes you sink back into it. There is a lot of pressure and focus that you gain from failing and you become more determined if you use it to your advantage.
> 
> Technically, it's not hard--you see a person you'd like to talk to; you go talk to them; you ask for their number or a date and then move on. That's it. It's hard because of US! Not the people involved.
> 
> When I was away from the forums because I banned myself (lol) I had the perfect mindset to meet girls. My mindset and attitude was perfect. I went out one day approached I think 9 girls and got 5 numbers. Of those five numbers I got a date with one and I met up with another girl from it but wasn't really a date so yeah. That only happened because I knew I was going to get a wave of rejections but at the same time I knew I'd get success IF I kept approaching. I NEVER DO THAT!!!! But it's so freakin' simple. I was walking around campus when I did this. Instead, what I do is I either don't approach enough or I have anxiety about it, or I get 1 or maybe 2 numbers then take a day or two off then that extends into a week and then I fight anxiety.....I should learn from my mistakes. There is no reason why I should be extending this for me when I know I can get probably 10 numbers in a day if I really tried.


i dont understand why you are still anxious having done it so many times


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> i dont understand why you are still anxious having done it so many times


I've heard the anxiety never goes away but what happens is you learn to ignore it and do it anyway. I haven't 100% learned how to ignore it. I think one problem is that I am not doing enough challenging things. I tend to stay to what is easiest to me because I feel like I barely made it to that point, and then when other harder challenges come along--like approaching in the busiest parts of campus with 20+ people all silent walking past me--I can't freakin' do it. If I am to do something that challenging I'll need to dedicate myself for a long time to that specific thing. I can do it in bars though with tons of people around--I did overcome that. Basically, just got to keep pushing through it. Usually things get easier for me over time but this has been one of those things that has been really hard for me to internalize for w/e reason. I'll keep working on it though because it is a great way to meet people (when you aren't afraid). I know it'll be real fun when I find that groove. I thought I had that groove a couple weeks ago but it slipped right from under me.


----------



## bsd3355

Those guys from simplepickup do it with ease. They literally will approach anywhere. When they approach on campus they do it in front of EVERYONE in the busiest parts of campus like nothing. That took some serious effort and balls to be able to internalize that.


----------



## evginmubutu

yeah the whole idea of this being a game is usually where guys go wrong in my opinion. i'm no star with the ladies but one thing i do know - the guy who is most grounded in himself and genuine is the guy that ends up with the quality girls. going out and approaching 10 girls and getting rejected all the time and maybe getting a few numbers has got to be exhausting and is it that rewarding...

i mean until you confront your fear in your innermost depth even if you go on a few dates it will fizzle out if you haven't seen your own being.

(feel free to disagree just saying what i think here)


----------



## bsd3355

evginmubutu said:


> yeah the whole idea of this being a game is usually where guys go wrong in my opinion. i'm no star with the ladies but one thing i do know - the guy who is most grounded in himself and genuine is the guy that ends up with the quality girls. going out and approaching 10 girls and getting rejected all the time and maybe getting a few numbers has got to be exhausting and is it that rewarding...


only exhausting if you suck at it. i still kind of suck at it

you don't have to approach 10 girls. that's more than what i do. and i usually only spend an hour or 1.5hrs doing this when I go out. most you guys probably spend triple that amount of the time on the computer doing nothing daily


----------



## evginmubutu

I am not trying to start an argument, and I'm quite fulfilled in my sex life at the moment. I'm just talking from experience. If you are just starting out with trying to get a girlfriend, the thing to do is not go out shooting in the dark. It's to try to find something in yourself. Girls are very perceptive creatures they will be able to tell if you are desperate and desperation is not usually attractive.


----------



## rymo

evginmubutu said:


> yeah the whole idea of this being a game is usually where guys go wrong in my opinion. i'm no star with the ladies but one thing i do know - the guy who is most grounded in himself and genuine is the guy that ends up with the quality girls. going out and approaching 10 girls and getting rejected all the time and maybe getting a few numbers has got to be exhausting and is it that rewarding...
> 
> i mean until you confront your fear in your innermost depth even if you go on a few dates it will fizzle out if you haven't seen your own being.
> 
> (feel free to disagree just saying what i think here)


But putting yourself out there is an excellent way to force yourself to self-reflect and ultimately grow. And approaching 1 girl or 100 girls makes no difference as far as being grounded goes. You can still be a genuine guy while approaching different girls. I think some guys get lost in this pickup artist mentality and try to just boost their ego via higher numbers of...numbers, and sexual partners, and that kind of thing. But if you're not already a douchebag at heart you're just simply not going to fall into that trap even if you have lots of success with this stuff.

To your second comment - approaching many girls is not a sign of desperation. It's a sign of a guy who wants to meet people. Expand his horizons. Figure out exactly what he likes in a mate. Allow for options so that he doesn't get stuck with the first girl who comes his way and end up not even liking her. Growing through socializing and meeting new people and sharing ideas and discovering new ones.


----------



## bsd3355

evginmubutu said:


> I am not trying to start an argument, and I'm quite fulfilled in my sex life at the moment. I'm just talking from experience. If you are just starting out with trying to get a girlfriend, the thing to do is not go out shooting in the dark. It's to try to find something in yourself. Girls are very perceptive creatures they will be able to tell if you are desperate and desperation is not usually attractive.


How does finding something within myself help meeting girls? I know myself pretty well.

Also, just because you are meeting or going out meeting lots of girls, that doesn't mean you are desperate. Desperate is feeling incredibly insecure and saddened by the fact. I am more disappointed in myself for failing myself for being a ***** than not having a girlfriend.


----------



## bsd3355

1# today


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> 1# today


Nice job!


----------



## bsd3355

Thanks! SP project go has a new video. Don't know if you saw it or not, but in it Jesse talks about having lot of dates a week. It motivates me to go out even more now. If I can get numbers daily I'll be in good shape I think. Probably go out this weekend even though I've been avoiding bars. I don't want to sit around like last weekend. Just need to push myself.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Thanks! SP project go has a new video. Don't know if you saw it or not, but in it Jesse talks about having lot of dates a week. It motivates me to go out even more now. If I can get numbers daily I'll be in good shape I think. Probably go out this weekend even though I've been avoiding bars. I don't want to sit around like last weekend. Just need to push myself.


Oh I saw it. Every Monday - I'm all up on that ****. Yeh it's pretty cool, even when they're super busy, they always have something lined up for the weekend. When they're not, up to 5 dates a week. Must be nice ;p


----------



## percyblueraincoat

> I've heard the anxiety never goes away but what happens is you learn to ignore it and do it anyway. I haven't 100% learned how to ignore it.


You haven't 100% learned how to ignore it. I agree. And the issue isn't ignoring it it's whether you can realise that all your anxiety wants to do is protect you. What would happen if you did not have to learn to ignore it? What would happen if you simply said "thank you" to it, breathed into it and let it pass and did what you wanted to do?



> I think one problem is that I am not doing enough challenging things. I tend to stay to what is easiest to me because I feel like I barely made it to that point, and then when other harder challenges come along--like approaching in the busiest parts of campus with 20+ people all silent walking past me--I can't freakin' do it.


You're on your own path and know yourself and your skill set well so I don't want you to accept what I have to say just because I say it. Take it apart, judge it against your own experience and discover the validity of my words for yourself. All of your learning exists outside of your comfort zone. Things inside your comfort zone are familiar to you. And familiar things feel safe and comforting. Your mind knows what to do with familiar things. If something familiar turns up, you have a set pattern or response you can use for that situation.

But when something challenging comes along it's often something we've not done before. Something for which there is no pattern or response we can use. It's at that point that we need to become vulnerable. Human beings do not like being vulnerable. It's scary. But if we don't become vulnerable then we don't connect.

You want to approach people in the busiest part of campus with 20 + people all silently walking past you. Well, what if those people weren't there silently walking past you? What if it was just you and the person you wanted to talk to? Because, let's face it, there's no way you can be constantly observing all those 20+ people silently walking by. You can just focus on the person you want to talk to and making them feel good.



> If I am to do something that challenging I'll need to dedicate myself for a long time to that specific thing.


Excellent.



> Usually things get easier for me over time but this has been one of those things that has been really hard for me to internalize for w/e reason. I'll keep working on it though because it is a great way to meet people (when you aren't afraid). I know it'll be real fun when I find that groove. I thought I had that groove a couple weeks ago but it slipped right from under me.


That groove was under you and it slipped right from under you? Interesting.

Ask yourself this: what would have to happen for me (you) to internalize this thing?

Pay attention to any answers you get. Oh, and do yourself a favour and consider how well you've done to get as far as you have got in such a short space of time. I can't be around here much anymore for various reasons but you always impressed and inspired me and I wanted to write this to make sure you can understand what a positive difference you bring to the world and the people you meet.


----------



## bsd3355

So, just set a "date" with a girl I met today at campus for drinks on saturday on campus and maybe a movie later 

I don't know whether to call it a date or not though, but I told her I thought she was pretty so I'm not really sure what she thinks tbh. By definition, I guess it is a "date"...

I'll keep updated


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So, just set a "date" with a girl I met today at campus for drinks on saturday on campus and maybe a movie later
> 
> I don't know whether to call it a date or not though, but I told her I thought she was pretty so I'm not really sure what she thinks tbh. By definition, I guess it is a "date"...
> 
> I'll keep updated


of course its a date.


----------



## bsd3355

percyblueraincoat said:


> You haven't 100% learned how to ignore it. I agree. And the issue isn't ignoring it it's whether you can realise that all your anxiety wants to do is protect you. What would happen if you did not have to learn to ignore it? What would happen if you simply said "thank you" to it, breathed into it and let it pass and did what you wanted to do?
> 
> You're on your own path and know yourself and your skill set well so I don't want you to accept what I have to say just because I say it. Take it apart, judge it against your own experience and discover the validity of my words for yourself. All of your learning exists outside of your comfort zone. Things inside your comfort zone are familiar to you. And familiar things feel safe and comforting. Your mind knows what to do with familiar things. If something familiar turns up, you have a set pattern or response you can use for that situation.
> 
> But when something challenging comes along it's often something we've not done before. Something for which there is no pattern or response we can use. It's at that point that we need to become vulnerable. Human beings do not like being vulnerable. It's scary. But if we don't become vulnerable then we don't connect.
> 
> You want to approach people in the busiest part of campus with 20 + people all silently walking past you. Well, what if those people weren't there silently walking past you? What if it was just you and the person you wanted to talk to? Because, let's face it, there's no way you can be constantly observing all those 20+ people silently walking by. You can just focus on the person you want to talk to and making them feel good.
> 
> Excellent.
> 
> That groove was under you and it slipped right from under you? Interesting.
> 
> Ask yourself this: what would have to happen for me (you) to internalize this thing?
> 
> Pay attention to any answers you get. Oh, and do yourself a favour and consider how well you've done to get as far as you have got in such a short space of time. I can't be around here much anymore for various reasons but you always impressed and inspired me and I wanted to write this to make sure you can understand what a positive difference you bring to the world and the people you meet.


Sorry, I didn't see this post earlier. You sound like someone very familiar that was pretty popular here once. If you guess it, chances are you'll get it right.

I know I'll get where I want to go (for the most part). If I get to a point where I can tell for certain it is unattainable then I will admit it is unattainable. I don't expect something stupid crazy. I just want to feel different about a few things, and more in control.

I really liked your insight about the "what if it is only me and the girl" part talking about how I can't really focus on all those people around me anyway in the 20+ area of campus. I have an idea of what that would be like. I tend to think the same way when I have to or want to. I can totally see myself getting into that frame of mind. I think what you said is a valuable affirmation I might used in the future.

Thanks for the support and wise words!  For real, that was a good feeling I got from those last couple words. I can be an opinionated dick sometimes but who isn't? I know I'm a good person


----------



## bsd3355

good sign, the girl i asked for a date is investing and initiating texting with meeeeee. anytime a girl is investing asking lots of questions or sending you random texts, etc., is always a sign she is investing, which means she's interested. this girl though, i'm not sure if she's investing under the pretext of something more than a friendship though. will just see how it goes. if she's cool and we build a good connection but tells me she's not looking for any of that dating stuff then i'll appreciate her friendship and just move on to another girl who wants something more. everything is still very premature. tomorrow she could vanish. it's happened plenty of times. usually what happens is it starts off good for a day then starts to drop in interest; then texts; and usually by the end of the week she's gone lol. that isn't my fault though. that happens because she wasn't that interested to begin with. nothing i'm doing in between is ruining my chances.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> good sign, the girl i asked for a date is investing and initiating texting with meeeeee. anytime a girl is investing asking lots of questions or sending you random texts, etc., is always a sign she is investing, which means she's interested. this girl though, i'm not sure if she's investing under the pretext of something more than a friendship though. will just see how it goes. if she's cool and we build a good connection but tells me she's not looking for any of that dating stuff then i'll appreciate her friendship and just move on to another girl who wants something more. everything is still very premature. tomorrow she could vanish. it's happened plenty of times. usually what happens is it starts off good for a day then starts to drop in interest; then texts; and usually by the end of the week she's gone lol. that isn't my fault though. that happens because she wasn't that interested to begin with. nothing i'm doing in between is ruining my chances.


But perhaps there are things you're not doing in between that could better your chances...?

How often do you physically escalate and go for a kiss on the first date (assuming you are interested in the girl)?


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> But perhaps there are things you're not doing in between that could better your chances...?
> 
> How often do you physically escalate and go for a kiss on the first date (assuming you are interested in the girl)?


Depends how the chemistry is with the girl (example: how well we are getting along, etc). But if we are getting along at least normally then I'll usually go for the kiss. Dates are usually no problem for me.

I was writing more from the approach to the date part of them vanishing. Usually I think that happens either because she isn't that interested from the start or the first impression was off on approach.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Depends how the chemistry is with the girl (example: how well we are getting along, etc). But if we are getting along at least normally then I'll usually go for the kiss. Dates are usually no problem for me.


Hmm...I guess it's just one of those things.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Hmm...I guess it's just one of those things.


I think it is just part of the process, to be honest.

The only thing you could probably critique me on is the texting part instead of calling but I've found that doesn't matter much in my own opinion. From the internet, yes, it has more an impact to call, but if you met the person and had a chat then got the number and then texted, it's usually OK depending on the real life interaction.

P.S. I texted the girl who I'm meeting up saturday that I might be up at her campus tomorrow (to approach more [she doesn't know that]) and she texted back saying, "well, if you are we should hang out". hellz yeah, she's definitely interested in hanging out.


----------



## viper0603

Reading some of this thread I cannot fathom how any of you you guys can approach girls/have girlfriends. With SA it's absolutely impossible for me.


----------



## bsd3355

viper0603 said:


> Reading some of this thread I cannot fathom how any of you you guys can approach girls/have girlfriends. With SA it's absolutely impossible for me.


Socially, you can do anything you want. You may not want to do it bad enough because it doesn't seem rewarding to you. If it is rewarding enough chances are you'll pursue it. I think what a lot of us do is we outweigh the pain aspect of it and then decide it is or isn't worth it to us personally. Yet, meanwhile, we convince ourselves it isn't possible and we act on that without any evidence otherwise (or we heavily weigh on the negative experiences). If you really want it you can do things to achieve it socially. We do need a belief that it is possible though. If you don't have that, but you want to believe it, then do your homework and research and ask questions.


----------



## viper0603

^^
Believe me, I want nothing more than to be in love and be loved, which just tears me up inside, because there have been times where I have wanted to tell a girl my fellings for her and I just turn into a pathetic ball of shaking nerves.


----------



## bsd3355

viper0603 said:


> ^^
> Believe me, I want nothing more than to be in love and be loved, which just tears me up inside, because there have been times where I have wanted to tell a girl my fellings for her and I just turn into a pathetic ball of shaking nerves.


Sounds almost apathetic on my part, but the only way to move forward sometimes is to just do it. And then do it over and over again. Rejection and success go hand in hand. What a lot of us need is a stronger more positive internal dialog and optimism to carry us through, and that takes work.


----------



## bsd3355

viper0603 said:


> ^^
> Believe me, I want nothing more than to be in love and be loved, which just tears me up inside, because there have been times where I have wanted to tell a girl my fellings for her and I just turn into a pathetic ball of shaking nerves.


If you want to make a move but don't know how, by all means, ask here.


----------



## rymo

viper0603 said:


> Reading some of this thread I cannot fathom how any of you you guys can approach girls/have girlfriends. With SA it's absolutely impossible for me.


It _was_ impossible for me. Until I did it. Admittedly, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't take lightly the fact that SA makes it seem unfathomable to approach girls. But once I realized that I was at my breaking point with loneliness and misery, that I was 24 and had never even held a girl's hand, and that literally the only way to overcome your fears is to just go for it...well, once I realized all that I just said **** it and took the plunge. And I survived. I didn't spontaneously combust or something. I just came out the other side a mentally stronger, more confident person. Taking the plunge and not giving up no matter how bleak it seems, that's the way to do it.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> It _was_ impossible for me. Until I did it. Admittedly, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't take lightly the fact that SA makes it seem unfathomable to approach girls. But once I realized that I was at my breaking point with loneliness and misery, that I was 24 and had never even held a girl's hand, and that literally the only way to overcome your fears is to just go for it...well, once I realized all that I just said **** it and took the plunge. And I survived. I didn't spontaneously combust or something. I just came out the other side a mentally stronger, more confident person. Taking the plunge and not giving up no matter how bleak it seems, that's the way to do it.


Yes sir, very true. It'll probably be the hardest thing we do, but it's worth it.


----------



## bsd3355

Guys who don't have SA can't hardly even do this either so don't be so hard on yourself. I don't have SA and it has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. SA is an excuse in my opinion. It is the same thing as telling yourself you can't with most anything. I still get shy as **** but I know that's not all I am and it's fluid.


----------



## Zeeshan

viper0603 said:


> Reading some of this thread I cannot fathom how any of you you guys can approach girls/have girlfriends. With SA it's absolutely impossible for me.


Its seems hard its actually easy


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Its seems hard its actually easy


Ironically, you are right. You see someone you like, you talk to them and then you ask if they would like to talk further or go on a date. Of course that's the technical aspect. It should be easy. It's hard to internalize it's easy when you are intimidated, but I believe that belief is transformed the more you do it. It should be easy. For a lot of people it is easy.

I aslo think there is an expected amount of frustrations that must go along with it. We can't expect it to be smooth sailing, and if you do then you'll be even more frustrated. Hopefully soon I can fully internalize the simplicity of it but there are certain personal guidelines I need to follow to make it easy for me which I am not very solid at doing yet.


----------



## bsd3355

Update:

This girl is DEFINITELY interested in something beyond friends. 100% certain. Lots of flirting over the phone. Saturday is looking good 


Went out again today for an hour before class. Only approached one girl but no go. All the others, no intention shown on my part. This outing helped me focus on what I need to do next time.

Might go out tonight to a bar. If so, I should prep myself "no excuses"

Side note:
I am highly attracted to very feminine women. My last GF was like that and it was very attractive. I personally feel they have a certain energy level and attitude that is extremely attractive. I like girls who like "girly" things. Love it


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Only approached one girl but no go.


I'm interested how non successful approaches look like. Could you give more details what exactly happened?


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Sounds almost apathetic on my part, but the only way to move forward sometimes is to just do it. And then do it over and over again. Rejection and success go hand in hand. What a lot of us need is a stronger more positive internal dialog and optimism to carry us through, and that takes work.


I'm really curious about how you changed your thinking and became so optimistic.

Did you do anything else besides pure exposure? Like CBT or meditation or ACT therapy on the side?

Also, would you recommend for someone trying to get a girlfriend to leave this site so that they don't see the suffering of others and bring themselves down?


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> I'm interested how non successful approaches look like. Could you give more details what exactly happened?


In the example from today...

I stopped her by asking for directions to a building. She told me. I then asked if she was a sophomore and she was. I tried to breifly small talk from there but her body language suggested she wasn't really feeling it by looking like she was wanting to leave, not investing in the interaction, not too open, cutting the conversation by repeating where i needed to go as an excuse to leave, etc. I asked anyway for her number and she replied, "sorry, i just dropped my phone in the water and put it in rice but it doesn't seem to be working". I've heard that before btw lol. You also get a lot of girls repeating the direction of the building to me to use as an exit to leave like, "cool. yeah, well, like i said, if you keep going that way you'll find it". She did all those things. Basically, it's what you'd expect from a girl who wasn't interested for w/e reason. No big deal. Of course you should respect that. I said thank you for the directions politely, smiled and continued on my way.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> she replied, "sorry, i just dropped my phone in the water and put it in rice but it doesn't seem to be working". I've heard that before btw












No, really thanks.  It's good to know for what kind of signals you should look for, when you feel that she isn't interested and most of the time you only hear about successful approaches.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I'm really curious about how you changed your thinking and became so optimistic.
> 
> Did you do anything else besides pure exposure? Like CBT or meditation or ACT therapy on the side?
> 
> Also, would you recommend for someone trying to get a girlfriend to leave this site so that they don't see the suffering of others and bring themselves down?


I am subscribed to 50+ youtube channels, I read books, talk about it on forums, practice it and am passionate about it. I believe it works and I believe I can do it with enough practice and self-discipline. A lot of what I do is trying to prove to myself these things are true, and the more I do them the more I am getting evidence that they are. When I fail I see that as part of the process, and the reward is greater than any rejection. I look at the rejections as opportunities to become indifferent to that, and I know when you desensitize yourself to fears and rejection you succeed more. There are little goals all throughout the process I work on. I believe they will internalize to the point where I can meet women anywhere at anytime and given any feeling I have because I will have trained myself emotionally. A lot of the pressure and excitement comes from never being able to do this before. If this was something we all could do we wouldn't really care that much or dedicate the time to become better because we don't need to. I have a conviction that I will get "good" at this to where it becomes second nature if called upon. I don't think in the future I'll fail. I think that's why I'm so optimistic. Not to mention, I really enjoy the company of women and there is a certain "magic" and excitement to it that is unique to it.

A big part of it is knowing you CAN do it even if you are afraid. This is also how confidence works in other areas of your life.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I'm really curious about how you changed your thinking and became so optimistic.
> 
> Did you do anything else besides pure exposure? Like CBT or meditation or ACT therapy on the side?
> 
> Also, would you recommend for someone trying to get a girlfriend to leave this site so that they don't see the suffering of others and bring themselves down?


Think about it like this:

_If you KNEW, without a doubt,_ that if you just did certain things you could date women you are attracted to, wouldn't you be excited and optimistic about the whole thing too?

That's how I feel.

EDIT*
TO answer your question about leaving, no, I don't think you need to seperate yourself from this forum to get better. Just focus on the positive and when they nay-sayers pop up find evidence or proof that suggests they are wrong. A big, great help of open debate and discussion is it allows you to find the truth in things. SA is rooted in fear and complacency, but it is not who you are. As long as you learn and gain positive insight from your surroundings then there is no reason to leave. This site is a great place to reflect, talk about your frustrations, get advice and grow as a person. Every person here has something to contribute, even the negative ones because they show you how to be optimistic despite the setbacks or oppressions. When I left I missed this site a lot.


----------



## Malek

rymo said:


> But once I realized that I was at my breaking point with loneliness and misery, that I was 24 and had never even held a girl's hand, and that literally the only way to overcome your fears is to just go for it...


This is precisely what I'm going through right now... I've been so frustrated lately. Every day I look around with envy at other people. I want to change. I feel this empty void inside of me and sigh constantly. I want to break out of this repressed cage and just go for it. To be a man of action, see something I want and go for it. I think this site has actually helped me manage my SA somewhat, for that I am grateful. No real friends but I've met a lot of positive acquaintances. Ironically enough, I actually look forward to work sometimes just to practice my social skills, especially when talking to women. Not that I would ever plainly ask a girl out at work, my professional reputation is high priority to me, but I'm trying to put myself out there as a friendly coworker and just talk to them, learning what type of person they actually are. It's a small battle uphill and I'd like to hope I'm making slow but steady progress.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> In the example from today...
> 
> I stopped her by asking for directions to a building. She told me. I then asked if she was a sophomore and she was. I tried to breifly small talk from there but her body language suggested she wasn't really feeling it by looking like she was wanting to leave, not investing in the interaction, not too open, cutting the conversation by repeating where i needed to go as an excuse to leave, etc. I asked anyway for her number and she replied, "sorry, i just dropped my phone in the water and put it in rice but it doesn't seem to be working". I've heard that before btw lol. You also get a lot of girls repeating the direction of the building to me to use as an exit to leave like, "cool. yeah, well, like i said, if you keep going that way you'll find it". She did all those things. Basically, it's what you'd expect from a girl who wasn't interested for w/e reason. No big deal. Of course you should respect that. I said thank you for the directions politely, smiled and continued on my way.


how big is this campus?


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> how big is this campus?


Pretty big. Why?


----------



## rymo

Drove my mother to the doctor's office today. She had told me there were some cute girls working behind the glass, but oh my heaven's to betsy, it was like a modeling agency in there! One girl in particular was my perfect type physically, which I very rarely see, and I hatched a plan to talk to her. She was the person who comes into the waiting room and calls your name. UNFORTUNATELY, once I hatched my plan, she never ended up coming back out. My mom came out and we left. A tough situation to approach someone in, but I know I can do it. My mom has one last appt at this place next month, I will absolutely go for it next time.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Drove my mother to the doctor's office today. She had told me there were some cute girls working behind the glass, but oh my heaven's to betsy, it was like a modeling agency in there! One girl in particular was my perfect type physically, which I very rarely see, and I hatched a plan to talk to her. She was the person who comes into the waiting room and calls your name. UNFORTUNATELY, once I hatched my plan, she never ended up coming back out. My mom came out and we left. A tough situation to approach someone in, but I know I can do it. My mom has one last appt at this place next month, I will absolutely go for it next time.


Haha, this will be pretty cool to hear the story when you do this


----------



## Cyclonic

My goal tonight is to make eye contract with a girl...I'll probably fail miserably, but maybe random chance will favor me tonight


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> 1# today


 What do you talk about with the girls you approach?


----------



## bsd3355

Madax said:


> My goal tonight is to make eye contract with a girl...I'll probably fail miserably, but maybe random chance will favor me tonight


good luck!


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> What do you talk about with the girls you approach?


You can talk about anything. But I usually talk about their majors, etc.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> You can talk about anything. But I usually talk about their majors, etc.


 I always find it hard expanding on subjects i'm talking about. How did you learn how to come up with things to say to woman, with practice or did you read up on it?


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> I always find it hard expanding on subjects i'm talking about. How did you learn how to come up with things to say to woman, with practice or did you read up on it?


Expanding can be tough - but just remember that if you can't think of anything to say anymore about a particular subject it's perfectly acceptable to bring up something new. In fact, delving too deep into one thing right away can be a bit heavy for talking to someone for the first time. Basically, you don't need some perfect transition to get into another topic, you can steer the conversation wherever you want it to go really.

"hey what's your major? I'm going to guess science because those awesome glasses make you seem intelligent " 
"Oh you are into psychology? Okay, so how perceptive are you? What am I thinking right now?" 
"No, I'm actually thinking that you're adorable and that's why I ran from over there to talk to you"
"So what are you up to right now?"
bla bla bla


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I'm shaping myself up from this day forward! I don't know why, but I'm really optimistic and feel relaxed and confident. I'm not going to assault the bar scene, but I'm going to get out a lot more and approach when spots open up. Who cares if some random girl blows me out. It's my reality and confidence will most likely be gained from just having the stones to go over and put myself on the line. 

Keep up the good work, Rymo. Always positive and inspirational with your posts.


----------



## Zeeshan

the funny thing is that i have zero problems talking to people, I highly recommend watching shows like Red Dwarf, and listening to radio shows like Phil hendrie to expand your humor. 

Humor can be learned, from my experience people love sarcasm


----------



## Cyclonic

Got to dance, briefly, with a few girls tonight. Of course I didn't talk to them at all, but hey...baby steps?

I dance my *** off regardless


----------



## bsd3355

So that date I had for the night... 

well, got to keep these threads pg-13 

2am in the morning and I literally had to lift her off of me to put her on the other couch so she could put her boots on and leave.

WORST KISSER EVER THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> So that date I had for the night...
> 
> well, got to keep these threads pg-13
> 
> 2am in the morning and I literally had to lift her off of me to put her on the other couch so she could put her boots on and leave.
> 
> WORST KISSER EVER THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!












Out of curiosity - what made her a bad kisser? Because I have very definite opinions on this and I'm curious if we have similar criteria.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Out of curiosity - what made her a bad kisser? Because I have very definite opinions on this and I'm curious if we have similar criteria.


Imagine what it'd be like kissing a girl who kisses like she's got her face pressed up against a window and she's poking it with the tip of her tongue trying to break it, and then add braces on top of that.

Pretty much the perfect description.


----------



## bsd3355

Not once did she bother asking my age. I didn't ask her age but she is a freshman in her first semester, so she's probably 18 or 19. Obviously she didn't care about my age at all like I didn't care about her age.

So many things I've proved here:

1. You can meet women anywhere
2. Offline is a million times better than online and more realistic
3. Age doesn't matter
4. Chemistry or connection between two people is very important (this girl, i don't really feel it). My last girlfriend's personality was amazing
5. Rejection goes hand in hand with success in this arena


----------



## bsd3355

I've been really urged to go direct in bars off the rip. What I usually do is I'll approach indirectly trying to start a conversation. I think if I go direct off the rip like, "You are very cute. How are you?" I honestly think this will go better than trying to start a conversation in a bar.

While this sounds kind of like it'd be too much, one thing I've noticed is when you go indirect at a bar the girl quickly loses attention, and, most importantly, you _AREN'T SCREENING THE GIRLS WHO WANT TO BE APPROACHED BY YOU_.

Will you get rejected a lot in a bar if you go direct off the rip? Yes. But what happens is if you approach a girl and you are super direct and she accepts that then it's like you know the girl wants you to meet her! That's what it means by "screening", you quickly filter out the girls who are interested in what you're interested in by going direct and stating your intentions early on.

Example of direct screening:

ME: "Hey, you are cute! How are you?" 
HER: (disgusted look; annoyed look; ignores me or is put off)--rejected and she's screened

Example #2:

ME: "I must say, you are absolutely gorgeous. What's your name?"
HER: "Thank you! I'm Amanda! Yours?"---she knows your intentions and accepts the approach and is screened from the girls who aren't interested by being direct off the rip

I'm seriously going to try this. I think it's a good idea personally. Trick is, is to stay consistent to see if it works.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> Will you get rejected a lot in a bar if you go direct off the rip? Yes.


I want to emphasis this. Rejection really doesn't bother you when you know, without doing TOO many approaches, that eventually you'll get the girl you want. Also, like I said before, you never know how long a string of rejections will be before you find someone who likes you. Remember, I got the two girl's numbers the week previous and one flaked on me, and the other one isn't really keen on hanging out it seems, and after 3 days of dealing with personal frustrations I finally got a number--1 number--and the girl ended up liking me.

It's these kind of experiences that will tell you that rejection is part of the process and it is such a random thing you cannot always conclude precisely how, when or why it is happening.

**I uploaded this from simplepickup's project go podcast because I wanted to share more about rejection since it is a big subject for people:

__
https://soundcloud.com/bkw11%2Frejection


----------



## pete24

Got rid of the other latest POF girl. The 1 I had a lot in common with. Told her to forget it.

She admitted last night she had this 1 night stand thing with this random guy and did all sorts with him.

Dont get me wrong, its not cheating or anything like that.... and I do appreciate her for telling me even though we havent met... but its clear we arent on the same wavelength. 

Previously we both admitted we are surprised with how much we have in common and how well we get on, so we arranged to meet this week for a date. 

I dont know about anyone else but I always see it as when a date is arranged with someone either online or offline, then I would expect them to control themselves like I do and not having flings or fun with others until after the date and when they know if things between us will form a relationship or not


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Got rid of the other latest POF girl. The 1 I had a lot in common with. Told her to forget it.
> 
> She admitted last night she had this 1 night stand thing with this random guy and did all sorts with him.
> 
> Dont get me wrong, its not cheating or anything like that.... and I do appreciate her for telling me even though we havent met... but its clear we arent on the same wavelength.
> 
> Previously we both admitted we are surprised with how much we have in common and how well we get on, so we arranged to meet this week for a date.
> 
> I dont know about anyone else but I always see it as when a date is arranged with someone either online or offline, then I would expect them to control themselves like I do and not having flings or fun with others until after the date and when they know if things between us will form a relationship or not


So you didn't go on a date with her because she had one one-night-stand? Hmm. Personally that seems a bit harsh to me but I guess everyone has their preferences.


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## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> I dont know about anyone else but I always see it as when a date is arranged with someone either online or offline, then I would expect them to control themselves like I do and not having flings or fun with others until after the date and when they know if things between us will form a relationship or not


Let's face it, she's on a dating site to meet men so I doubt any girl is going to turn down some action for a guy she really has no investment in emotionally. In my mind the dating phase is when two people are getting to know each other. If you haven't even went on a date with this girl then your expectations seem a little unfair in my opinion. She has no reason not to sleep with anyone else if she wants to, and you really have no reason to say she shouldn't or that there is something wrong with that.


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## phoenixwright

I have been thinking lately about my relative passivity. Komorikun brought up a good point on the recent older virgin thread that she feels that older virgin males are that way because they have some sort of passivity about life or maybe they are just terribly picky. Not a virgin here but I'd still consider myself a very passive person and I put in little effort with dating.

This 22 year old blonde on OkCupid (she's good looking, nothing exceptional but good looking) messaged me, saying my profile was interesting. I'm lacking motivation to get back to her. I'm feeling lazy. The thought of composing a reply message feels like work and I just want to relax and do my thing. If I felt like she could potentially be a soul mate or something, my motivation would be there. But it's just not there.

Also yesterday at my social anxiety meetup, I re-joined (after buying something at the baked goods shop) a table with 2 guys and noticed that this blonde German immigrant girl from our group joined our table. It was difficult for me to make much of a contribution to that group conversation because the 2 guys kept ****ing talking. Never pausing. Barely giving me a chance to speak. I spoke some. But a lot less than the other three. Group conversations has always been my weakness because I hate how certain people dominate a conversation and don't think to include you. And the issue is compounded by the fact that the two guys were already talking to the girl for a couple minutes or so and building rapport with her before I re-joined the table. And one of the guys exchanged e-mails with her. Meanwhile I barely got a word in. I would have to literally talk over a guy in order to make a decent contribution to that group conversation. I think one of the guys (who exchanged e-mails with her) really didn't want me to get a word in because he wanted to monopolize her for himself. The other guy is just a chatty guy in general so I know he's well-meaning. He's like that with everyone. It's not like I got a particular positive impression of her anyway. I don't think she's my type.

Remember when I was pursuing that girl who ended up being a lesbian? 1 on 1 conversation with her was not bad at all. But group conversations involving other people really sucked because others dominated the conversation.


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## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Let's face it, she's on a dating site to meet men so I doubt any girl is going to turn down some action for a guy she really has no investment in emotionally. In my mind the dating phase is when two people are getting to know each other. If you haven't even went on a date with this girl then your expectations seem a little unfair in my opinion. She has no reason not to sleep with anyone else if she wants to, and you really have no reason to say she shouldn't or that there is something wrong with that.


I dont see it that way to some extent. Like its no different to real life in wasys like this.

Lets say you meet a girl in real life, you spend hours chatting and drinking together, you exchange compliments about how hot you find each other, connect really well, and arrange a date, but she has a 1 night stand the day before your date???

Surely it says a lot about the person? How they could well be easy. Such as if you were in the place of the person she has a 1 night stand with, then you could of been the 1 night stand... instead your the guy making the efforts. Having a 1 night stand for me days before a date shows lack of respect. Like you should be happy and excited that your going on a date, and have some control instead of thinking "oh well, bit of fun will do for now".

I find the same rules should be applied online as it is offline, Well with this anyway, since to arrange a date you both find each other attractive, know each other relatively well and have some sort of personality match.

That girl hasnt stopped messaging me now, 7 txts, 2 fb messages, all ignored,

Perhaps people are just going too soft these days?? Was only a week ago that I heard an old friend I dont talk to anymore cheated on this girl he was with for 3 months, they were together for a few years. He did everything with this girl often, even exchanged pictures and had loads of nude pictures of her on his phone and in his email, they broke up for just 2 days before the girl forgave him and gave it another chance. Sod that, if a girl did that to me she would of had her marching orders and never be given a second chance


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## rymo

pete24 said:


> I dont see it that way to some extent. Like its no different to real life in wasys like this.
> 
> Lets say you meet a girl in real life, you spend hours chatting and drinking together, you exchange compliments about how hot you find each other, connect really well, and arrange a date, but she has a 1 night stand the day before your date???
> 
> Surely it says a lot about the person? How they could well be easy. Such as if you were in the place of the person she has a 1 night stand with, then you could of been the 1 night stand... instead your the guy making the efforts. Having a 1 night stand for me days before a date shows lack of respect. Like you should be happy and excited that your going on a date, and have some control instead of thinking "oh well, bit of fun will do for now".
> 
> I find the same rules should be applied online as it is offline, Well with this anyway, since to arrange a date you both find each other attractive, know each other relatively well and have some sort of personality match.
> 
> That girl hasnt stopped messaging me now, 7 txts, 2 fb messages, all ignored,
> 
> Perhaps people are just going too soft these days?? Was only a week ago that I heard an old friend I dont talk to anymore cheated on this girl he was with for 3 months, they were together for a few years. He did everything with this girl often, even exchanged pictures and had loads of nude pictures of her on his phone and in his email, they broke up for just 2 days before the girl forgave him and gave it another chance. Sod that, if a girl did that to me she would of had her marching orders and never be given a second chance


Cheating != One-night-stand outside of a relationship

Completely different universes. I've only been with one girl as far as I know that has had sex ONLY within relationships. It's just not very common. But it's clear you're simply looking for relationship-material and not to just have fun, so someone perfectly fitting your criteria is more important to you and that's understandable.


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## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I dont see it that way to some extent. Like its no different to real life in wasys like this.
> 
> Lets say you meet a girl in real life, you spend hours chatting and drinking together, you exchange compliments about how hot you find each other, connect really well, and arrange a date, but she has a 1 night stand the day before your date???
> 
> Surely it says a lot about the person? How they could well be easy. Such as if you were in the place of the person she has a 1 night stand with, then you could of been the 1 night stand... instead your the guy making the efforts. Having a 1 night stand for me days before a date shows lack of respect. Like you should be happy and excited that your going on a date, and have some control instead of thinking "oh well, bit of fun will do for now".
> 
> I find the same rules should be applied online as it is offline, Well with this anyway, since to arrange a date you both find each other attractive, know each other relatively well and have some sort of personality match.
> 
> That girl hasnt stopped messaging me now, 7 txts, 2 fb messages, all ignored,
> 
> Perhaps people are just going too soft these days?? Was only a week ago that I heard an old friend I dont talk to anymore cheated on this girl he was with for 3 months, they were together for a few years. He did everything with this girl often, even exchanged pictures and had loads of nude pictures of her on his phone and in his email, they broke up for just 2 days before the girl forgave him and gave it another chance. Sod that, if a girl did that to me she would of had her marching orders and never be given a second chance


Dude you are way too influenced by other people. Like even when you were talking to a girl, you had to put a pic of her here, and ask us whether we approve of her.

I would highly advise that you deal with the approval issue first. You are in charge of your life, just stop asking for other people's approval.

And the girl that forgave your friend, thats her choice. Maybe it dont bother her too much.


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## Ivan AG

i think bwidger and rymo are a cool guys, eh approach womenz and doesnt afraid of anything.


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## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> i think bwidger and rymo are a cool guys, eh approach womenz and doesnt afraid of anything.


haha...definitely afraid in the moment, don't get the wrong impression.


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## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Lets say you meet a girl in real life, you spend hours chatting and drinking together, you exchange compliments about how hot you find each other, connect really well, and arrange a date, but she has a 1 night stand the day before your date???
> 
> Surely it says a lot about the person? How they could well be easy. Such as if you were in the place of the person she has a 1 night stand with, then you could of been the 1 night stand... instead your the guy making the efforts. Having a 1 night stand for me days before a date shows lack of respect. Like you should be happy and excited that your going on a date, and have some control instead of thinking "oh well, bit of fun will do for now".


_6 million edits later...._

If anything, what this means is she is likely not looking for anything serious right now atm. Or maybe she will later but not at this point in time. Some people enter dating with no intention of being serious and just having fun but then they meet someone and slowly they find out they want to date and be with that person solely. She may or may not be one of those people. If you date her for a certain amount of time and you want to be with her only, ask her if she wants the same thing or is looking for the same thing, and if she isn't and you don't want that then move on.

OR, if that isn't what you want off the rip then move on. Nothing wrong with that either. But you could always give her more time too and if you find out she still doesn't want that then move on.


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## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> _6 million edits later...._
> 
> If anything, what this means is she is likely not looking for anything serious right now atm. Or maybe she will later but not at this point in time. Some people enter dating with no intention of being serious and just having fun but then they meet someone and slowly they find out they want to date and be with that person solely. She may or may not be one of those people. If you date her for a certain amount of time and you want to be with her only, ask her if she wants the same thing or is looking for the same thing, and if she isn't and you don't want that then move on.
> 
> OR, if that isn't what you want off the rip then move on. Nothing wrong with that either. But you could always give her more time too and if you find out she still doesn't want that then move on.


When I met my ex I knew very, very early on--like in two weeks of having three dates--that I would develop feelings for her because I adored her character so much. She was humble, smart, funny, and very affectionate and that killed me and opened my heart to her. Her affection was what won me over the most--I can't really describe it. I felt like she was such a good person that she was something special, and even after dated other girls and not seen her in months, I still feel her to be a special person to me. Other girls I dated did not have that affect on me and I generally did not feel that type of respect or connection.

I bring this up because it took me about four long dates and many conversations with her to find out that I could develop feelings for her. It was an automatic feeling I had, just like the automatic feeling I have that another girl isn't right for me. Sometimes people need time to find those things out. blah blah blah blah

We can't hold women up to angelic beings either. Just because you feel you may develop special feelings for someone you can't make them into angels. They are special to you but in reality they are human beings like everyone else so you don't want to portray unrealistic viewpoints on them. Yes, they too like to have sex with people.


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## Zeeshan

So in the past i have talked about this certain girl at work that i was interested in, she has shown a lot of interest in me as well, but i was unsure whether i wanted to date a girl at work. 

So more talking has led to me taking her out to lunch this Wednesday. TBH i am still not sure if its a good idea, but i have asked about her to her friend at work, and whether she was available. 

I didnt ask her, she basically asked herself out for me. Still not sure about it but i may pursue it. Not to mention the same is probably on her side. She is a bit older, but her body is awesome. 

So we will see,

Other then that still minimum action on online dating. After using it heavily i have scaled down and am not really messaging anyone, but i still check in. I did make friends with this gay guy who lives in the building. he was asking me if i was single, or if i had a girl friend, lol a lot of times they have a lot of women friends so i play nice.

To the improvement side of things, i have been working out heavily. Unfortunately, i will have to wait a bit for that mercedes i was gonna get. Lack of funds


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## pete24

Thing with her shes admitted in txts and FB messages after I told her that I dont see any point in the date, that it was a total mistake and she really thought from us talking and having so many similaritys, that I seemed a really decent, genuine guy that she had a feeling the date would go well with and could lead to a relationship. 

I think she is looking for something and her 1 night stand thing was a mistake which she knows, although its shown how a bit of booze and standards go out the window where shes easy and could be anyones...

Whats to say if we did get together, shes getting fed up of things but doesnt say or she has a night out with friends and does that.

To be fair the fact she seems to be more into me that what im into her reinforces the potential of that happening... like for her, she meets a guy online she thinks is hot (me), has loads in common with, says how shocked she is that we connect so well, and basically arranged the date off her own back.... surely having that sort of self control a few days before a "date" which likely could of turned into a relationship would of been paramount... just shows lack of self control perhaps.


Anyways, in brighter news I have spent a fair bit of today laughing at POF.... 3 inbox messages off women, 2 are really hot, havent been bothered to reply really as they dont quite fit the criteria im after.

I did message this 1 girl 1st.... Not because of her looks or being anywhere near my criteria, but because she shares 1 hobby that im an expert in.

Without going into detail about myself, 1 of my talents is within the music industry. Im a well known and respected producer of a certain genre of music. She is passionate about that style of music and shes pretty much talked about it all through her profile. I thought it would be great to message her, chat, perhaps form a friendship, and if it went well get her some free tickets/vip passes to events she would want to go to...

Sadly for her im guessing she looked at my profile, thought I sounded boring or not "chavvy" enough for her (especially since I dont brag about the music I do on my profile) and read/deleted my message.


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## Barette

You haven't even had a date yet and you're thinking about when you're in a relationship if she'll get fed up and cheat, just because she had a one night stand while she's talking online in messages to you. I mean if you don't want to go out with her that's fine, but if y'all have so much in common and get along, to just say no because of that reason when you have absolutely no commitment to each other at this point, it's silly IMO.


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## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Thing with her shes admitted in txts and FB messages after I told her that I dont see any point in the date, that it was a total mistake and she really thought from us talking and having so many similaritys, that I seemed a really decent, genuine guy that she had a feeling the date would go well with and could lead to a relationship.
> 
> I think she is looking for something and her 1 night stand thing was a mistake which she knows, although its shown how a bit of booze and standards go out the window where shes easy and could be anyones...
> 
> Whats to say if we did get together, shes getting fed up of things but doesnt say or she has a night out with friends and does that.
> 
> To be fair the fact she seems to be more into me that what im into her reinforces the potential of that happening... like for her, she meets a guy online she thinks is hot (me), has loads in common with, says how shocked she is that we connect so well, and basically arranged the date off her own back.... surely having that sort of self control a few days before a "date" which likely could of turned into a relationship would of been paramount... just shows lack of self control perhaps.
> 
> Anyways, in brighter news I have spent a fair bit of today laughing at POF.... 3 inbox messages off women, 2 are really hot, havent been bothered to reply really as they dont quite fit the criteria im after.
> 
> I did message this 1 girl 1st.... Not because of her looks or being anywhere near my criteria, but because she shares 1 hobby that im an expert in.
> 
> Without going into detail about myself, 1 of my talents is within the music industry. Im a well known and respected producer of a certain genre of music. She is passionate about that style of music and shes pretty much talked about it all through her profile. I thought it would be great to message her, chat, perhaps form a friendship, and if it went well get her some free tickets/vip passes to events she would want to go to...
> 
> Sadly for her im guessing she looked at my profile, thought I sounded boring or not "chavvy" enough for her (especially since I dont brag about the music I do on my profile) and read/deleted my message.


you must be a pretty good looking guy to be getting so much action with attractive women on POF, considering the women to men ratio involved.

However going back, didnt you used to tell us about your friends with benefit relationship with a woman. How is this any different then her sleeping with a guy outside the context of a relationship.


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## mike285

I see what pete24 is saying. I realize there isn't any commitment or anything, but I would still be bothered if I made plans for a date with a girl and she tells me she hooked up with some guy last night. But that would be because I'd be looking for something more serious as opposed to just hooking up or something. I don't know if I would just ignore her though..


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## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> you must be a pretty good looking guy to be getting so much action with attractive women on POF, considering the women to men ratio involved.
> 
> However going back, didnt you used to tell us about your friends with benefit relationship with a woman. How is this any different then her sleeping with a guy outside the context of a relationship.


Well I would say some of the women I message must of messaged every guy in sight. (As Im writing this I just had another message... Totally under par, not my type and her "first date section" made me chuckle a bit... "No alcohol on a first date..... A cuppa and a chat in a public place will do just fine. but only when Im ready to."...... BOOOORIIIING!!!)

Indeed I did however the FWB situation was an agreed exclusive thing. We both hadnt been out of relationships for that long, were not looking for a relationship with anyone and it was only fun with each other.

Although it did get to a point where she told me I could feel free to look for other women, but as soon as I arranged a date that would be it. However she got jealous at the thought of me finding a date and it ended bitterly 

I just think if both of us are looking for a serious relationship I know for myself that if talking has gone well for a while, I wont look elsewhere, then once a date is arranged thats the sealer for it where both shouldnt look elsewhere or do anything like that until they know the outcome of the date.....

Could see that coming into a bad row in a future marriage...

Her: "Hey, you know when we started talking and were dating??? Well I was off out sleeping around with a load of guys until we made our relationship official"


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## MrQuiet76

this whole thing is so frustrating... every time I have a chance to break through with a woman, something explodes in my face whether it be my own fault or out of my control... the other weekend when everyone was out celebrating halloween, I was sitting at the bar and an attractive girl came up beside me to order a drink... I thought it was a miracle, she started talking to me about her costume and stuff (she even touched my arm on purpose  )... I could feel the SA creeping in quickly even though I had been drinking but I resolved to keep the conversation going... but of course, I said something to her (can't remember exactly what it was... probably just asked her what she was drinking or something) and she just looked at me, laughed and walked away... what the hell could I have possibly done wrong there?? ... I'm starting to think going after women is just a waste of time


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## StevenGlansberg

Feeling sorry for myself. It's not working. :/


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## bsd3355

MrQuiet76 said:


> this whole thing is so frustrating... every time I have a chance to break through with a woman, something explodes in my face whether it be my own fault or out of my control... the other weekend when everyone was out celebrating halloween, I was sitting at the bar and an attractive girl came up beside me to order a drink... I thought it was a miracle, she started talking to me about her costume and stuff (she even touched my arm on purpose  )... I could feel the SA creeping in quickly even though I had been drinking but I resolved to keep the conversation going... but of course, I said something to her (can't remember exactly what it was... probably just asked her what she was drinking or something) and she just looked at me, laughed and walked away... what the hell could I have possibly done wrong there?? ... I'm starting to think going after women is just a waste of time


You didn't do anything wrong. She could of laughed for a million of different reasons. You'll get far worse than that talking to women sometimes, and then the other times you'll have amazing and stimulating conversations. The trick is, is to understand that not every woman wants to talk to you, but there some that do, so keep trying and try not to blame things that are out of your control.

It also depends on the context. It is rare that a woman will laugh at you if you talk to her at a campus or something like that. However, it is far more likely in a bar a woman will act rude to you for a variety of reasons, and usually beyond your control and not really your fault unless you did something blatantly obnoxious and rude but you probably wouldn't do that anyway.


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> You didn't do anything wrong. She could of laughed for a million of different reasons. You'll get far worse than that talking to women sometimes, and then the other times you'll have amazing and stimulating conversations. The trick is, is to understand that not every woman wants to talk to you, but there some that do, so keep trying and try not to blame things that are out of your control.
> 
> It also depends on the context. It is rare that a woman will laugh at you if you talk to her at a campus or something like that. However, it is far more likely in a bar a woman will act rude to you for a variety of reasons, and usually beyond your control and not really your fault unless you did something blatantly obnoxious and rude but you probably wouldn't do that anyway.


Agreed. She was probably just drunk and obnoxious. Nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, you're sitting there, incredulous that a girl would be talking to you, and you're trying really hard to keep an intelligent conversation going in an environment and situation where that type of conversation is probably not going to get you very far. So while you didn't do anything wrong, there _are_ things you can do to actually get the girl.

There are exceptions, of course, but generally bars are high-energy, high-pressure environments, and the only way to attract women in these types of situations is to be just as high energy or MORESO than everyone else. I don't care WHO you are - if you're just sitting there at the bar kind of moping around, it's just not going to work unless you get really lucky. It's tough - especially when you have SA, it takes a lot of mental energy to maintain that consistently energetic vibe. But I'm telling you - that's what works.

I would recommend going into a bar with a clear mind, smiling and with your head up high. You'd be surprised at how much better you feel right away and how much more attention you get.


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## bsd3355

^I am actually looking forward to my next bar night out because I think going direct off the rip will work wonders for me. It suddenly became clear to me that this is a good idea. Of course I've thought about it before but it makes a lot more sense why this actually isn't a bad approach in a bar. For one, it gets her attention; two, you are stating your intention early on so she knows why you are talking to her and no confusion; three, you are screening her to see if she is up to talking and flirting with you basically.

I think it is more clear to me why I approve of this now, and that's probably because I've internalized that* meeting women has to do a lot with just meeting a women who wants the same thing,* and that woman is just your type waiting to meet you! Usually that "woman" is everywhere in any instance you can imagine, and that woman isn't as rare as you think as it happens very frequently if you approach a lot. Read that again if that doesn't kind of make you feel good. To me, that understanding makes me feel good. I think I may have come to a more positive and truthful understanding that, once you feel you can at least approach a woman and have a conversation with her, the rest is just a matter of finding that girl that wants the same thing as you, and that "want" is the interest in each other. That's ****ing awesome when you think about it because it eliminates unnecessary negatives we pile on to our excuses and fears to not approach ANYWHERE and while at the same time staying positive and indifferent.

This is a profound understanding I think I am just now realizing that has taken place inside of me (the bolded information in this post). While that concept is very basic, it's also very empowering, and I think this may be a paradigm I'll be coming from for now on. This excites me and makes the whole process seem literally impossible to fail! Because when you approach with the mentality that I have in bold above, you know you can't fail, and rejection and the whole process changes from fear-based to fun and exciting. Huge!

Start off at 13:20 of this youtube video to get to what I'm basically talking about:





_damn, i edit a **** ton..._


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ^I am actually looking forward to my next bar night out because I think going direct off the rip will work wonders for me. It suddenly became clear to me that this is a good idea. Of course I've thought about it before but it makes a lot more sense why this actually isn't a bad approach in a bar. For one, it gets her attention; two, you are stating your intention early on so she knows why you are talking to her and no confusion; three, you are screening her to see if she is up to talking and flirting with you basically.
> 
> I think it is more clear to me why I approve of this now, and that's probably because I've internalized that* meeting women has to do a lot with just meeting a women who wants the same thing*. Read that again if that doesn't kind of make you feel good. To me, that understanding makes me feel good. I think I may have come to a more positive and truthful understanding that, once you feel you can at least approach a woman and have a conversation with her, the rest is just a matter of finding that girl wants the same thing as you, and that "want" is the interest in each other. That's ****ing awesome when you think about it because it eliminates unnecessary negatives we pile on to our excuses and fears to not approach ANYWHERE!
> 
> This is a profound understanding I think I am just now realizing how taken place inside of me (the bolded information in this post). While that concept is very basic, it's also very empowering, and I think this may be a paradigm I'll be coming from for now on. This excites me and makes the whole process seem literally impossible to fail! Because when you approach with the mentality that I have in bold above, you know you can't fail, and rejection and the whole process changes from fear-based to fun and exciting. Huge!


Absolutely. When you realize girls enjoy meeting guys and having sex and generally just having fun just as much as we do, it is incredibly empowering. It allows you to stop beating around the bush and be a bit more bold in your conversation. This is why making your intentions clear right away (by leading with a "you're adorable" type of comment) works. Because a girl will not only see that you're confident enough to approach them and say that, but it also puts them on the same wavelength as you. They now know what's up right away, and if they're smiling and having a good time when you first meet it can only lead to good things.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Absolutely. When you realize girls enjoy meeting guys and having sex and generally just having fun just as much as we do, it is incredibly empowering. It allows you to stop beating around the bush and be a bit more bold in your conversation. This is why making your intentions clear right away (by leading with a "you're adorable" type of comment) works. Because a girl will not only see that you're confident enough to approach them and say that, but it also puts them on the same wavelength as you. They now know what's up right away, and if they're smiling and having a good time when you first meet it can only lead to good things.


Right. I don't know why it took me so long to internalize that, but probably because I am now approaching with the mentality of "well, this girl doesn't like me, and this girl doesn't seem interested....well, only a matter of time now....ah, ok, here is the one that does! cool", instead of coming at it like I used to which was, "man, two or three girls just rejected me back to back therefore I'm undesirable and this proves it!" and all that old thinking would do would make me approach less while staying negative and self-defeating, making the process of actually finding someone seem impossible and unrealistic.

I think another big reason why it has taken me so long to internalize is because I spent YEARS online before I learned how to be consistent approaching women in real life, and for me, online has been the place where I could send out a hundred emails and nothing pan out, so coming from the inexperience I had with meeting girls in real life, I only had online's massive rejection rate to tell me how much I was worth to women. Yet, I had contradicting viewpoints on this too because I would have women say they found me attractive in real life (sometimes--used to be a lot when I was in my teens) so I had a gut feeling that if I got good approaching women in real life that I'd find success. However, this also proves that you can look "attractive" to a woman in real life, but if you don't have your **** together you'll get dumped faster than can blink, which happened to me more times than I could count. Back then when I was passive and pessimistic, I had more women approach me, but if anything ever actually panned out where we saw each other she would dump me within a week or so and usually there would be no kissing or anything because i was pretty messed up. Then I went to online dating hoping i could meet women that way because nothing worked for me in real life because I was a ***** and online didn't work because it just sucks for me, so after all that **** i finally ditched online dating and focused on real life and i finally found what works for me. For some people online works, but it has been nothing but what I DIDN'T want.

Just a side note on women finding me attractive bit from the paragraph above, it was average looking girls mainly and every once in a long while a pretty good looking girl, but I honestly think I'm probably like a 6 or maybe a 7 if I was to rate my physical appeal. Some girls think I'm a 1; some girls think I'm higher than that and some think I'm hot or attractive, but I view myself as a 7 on a good day. But the interesting part is none of that **** matters once you learn how to take control of your life and go after what you want with consistency. This is a must for me. I take this very seriously because I know it's what I must do and I know it's extremely important to me to internalize.


----------



## rymo

Looking through some of my old threads. Just interesting to see the progress. My earliest was in 2009, I posted this:

_*girls*

Anyone have a large dose of anxiety/lack of confidence due to lack of women in their lives? I have shied away from social situations for so long that I never developed much charisma, especially around girls, and even though I consider myself fairly good-looking all that goes down the drain the second I open my mouth. I work out all the time just for the silly dream that one day I will be so physically appealing that girls would just automatically jump on top me when they see me. I know that idea is ridiculous, but sometimes I feel so frustrated and lost socially that it seems like it's my only possible course of action.

Obviously I have a lot of confidence issues due to years of social anxiety, but now that I've reduced a lot of my anxiety, all I'm left with is just a shell with no personality. I'm in my last semester of college, and it saddens me to realize that I didn't have the best time of my life that so many others do just because I was never able to develop a personality. It kills me to see attractive girls walking around going out and me just being a bystander who can't penetrate my wall of isolation. Before I was so anxious all the time that I almost wanted to stay in, just so I could relax and get away from all the overwhelming anxiety. Now, I desperately want to have a social life and it just seems so impossible._

--------------------------------------------------

And here's my next thread, 2 years later (about a year and a half ago):

_*Making progress in actually having a life*

Hello...so I've had social anxiety for years and years, I'm 24 now and I have a decent job but I've been down on my self forever, and never really had much of a life. Never even kissed a girl...sadly. I'm an above average looking guy, extremely warm and generous, but always awkward in social situations. About a month ago, I decided that the only way I could beat this was to attack it full force, and I actually just up and went to a crowded bar on a Friday night...by myself.

After standing around looking stupid for a bit a girl actually came up to me and said hi, and we started talking. It turned out she was completely wasted, but it was a great excuse to talk to her cute friend, who was sitting nearby by herself. We talked for quite a while, had some laughs, and I even got her number. First time I even really tried, and it was a very successful night. I never went out with her after that, probably because I sounded like an idiot on the phone, another issue altogether, but it gave me a great deal of hope.

I went out the next few weekends, got a few more numbers, but they also didn't really turn into anything. I decided to join Match.com this week and I got 2 more numbers within a few days, and I even talked to one of the girls for an hour on the phone. An hour. I probably haven't talked to a girl that long period...let alone in one sitting (exaggeration, but you get the point). Anyways, I am about to call this girl again and ask her out for tomorrow, wish me luck.

I know this isn't some huge accomplishment but I have made more progress in one month than I have in years, and all because I was sick and tired of being miserable and I just took the plunge. I still have a long way to go, but I will let you know what happens. I must admit that I got a lot of help from various sources, http://www.practicalhappiness.com/ was one...Alex Coulson from succeedatdating.com another. This is more than just a guy who doesn't have confidence around women, I've had severe social anxiety for a long time. But i've been working on myself and gradually getting better, and now I've gotten to a point where I can really make up some ground. I would love to hear of other stories of similar situations. Thanks for listening._

--------------------------------------------------

It was just a year and a half ago that I decided to start living or die trying. Man...reading this stuff had me tearing up. Especially the first one, I was instantly transported to that time and I could remember exactly how I felt. Just recovering from a years long depression, finally graduating from college after 6 years of struggling....I was such a mess. No life at all. No stability. Just a chaotic brain full of anxiety and worry and stress and misery.

It's good to see where I came from. It makes me realize that if I came this far, I can overcome other challenges as well. And it makes me realize that if _I_ made progress then _*anyone *_can.

EDIT: Oh god how narcissistic - "I'm an above average looking guy, extremely warm and generous". *cringe*


----------



## bsd3355

^I haven't read everything on there yet--I have to go to class soon--but I did read parts of it. You mention how you've come a long way from starting out anxiety-wise and how you now realize your capabilities better...

I remember when I was in your position contemplating about SA specifically. The thing that really changed my mind was the idea that SA is just a title and because I realized what I am capable of I knew that I could basically separate myself from it if I believed in it and wanted to. I remember when I separated myself from believing I had SA. All I did was start telling myself that SA is just a term used to describe shy people. The symptoms are normal being SAers never talk to anyone and so I said to myself, "Dude, I'm just shy. Of course I can overcome this". So from that point on I stopped telling myself I had social anxiety and starting telling myself I was shy. Just that change in terms changed the way I looked at life and I looked at myself no longer with SA; I didn't have SA anymore. I gave myself permission to say "I don't have SA. I am just shy and shyness is just a state of mind" From there, I went to the transition from being "shy" to being confident in my mind. I now view myself has having shy tendencies like everyone in the world but also being very confident regardless of how I feel.

So the reason I write this is because anyone here with SA can do the same. SA is just a word to describe shyness. Shyness is something that IS NOT CONCRETE to who you are. You can go from SA to shyness to confident in a very short time. WHy keep saying you have SA? Just tell yourself that you are shy--shyness is normal. Everyone here is normal. They just need some self-belief.

ANyway, will read what rymo posted later. Off to class


----------



## Ivan AG

Can I get an honest opinion from any of you guys who have purchased/watched any of RSD nation's content?

I'm talking specifically about Tyler, Jeffy and Julien.

Do you find it helpful? Weird?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Can I get an honest opinion from any of you guys who have purchased/watched any of RSD nation's content?
> 
> I'm talking specifically about Tyler, Jeffy and Julien.
> 
> Do you find it helpful? Weird?


What about it?


----------



## bsd3355

rymo, your attitude of "getting better" is an indicator that you are destined to change because that's where your aim was/is. A lot of people here think they won't change and don't see it as a progression of slow change. There are quotes out there that say life is what you make it and life is about creating the life you want, so with that said, you are changing and creating the life you want


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> rymo, your attitude of "getting better" is an indicator that you are destined to change because that's where your aim was/is. A lot of people here think they won't change and don't see it as a progression of slow change. There are quotes out there that say life is what you make it and life is about creating the life you want, so with that said, you are changing and creating the life you want


Thanks. That was getting out of a deep depression that did that for me. I was like, if I could do that I could do anything. Of course, it still took me a few years until I really made the big changes haha...but that was a start. When I think back though I am amazed that I actually had that attitude. I don't know why there was always some little spark of optimism deep down. Maybe that's just my personality. Or maybe I'm too egotistical to just accept that SA and depression is all that's there for me.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Thanks. That was getting out of a deep depression that did that for me. I was like, if I could do that I could do anything. Of course, it still took me a few years until I really made the big changes haha...but that was a start. When I think back though I am amazed that I actually had that attitude. I don't know why there was always some little spark of optimism deep down. Maybe that's just my personality. Or maybe I'm too egotistical to just accept that SA and depression is all that's there for me.


My attitude is it is better to try and find out than not do anything at all. I am also pretty stubborn when it comes to things I want.


----------



## bsd3355

Goal for tomorrow:

2 numbers


I've deleted two of the girls from my phone who basically are flaking me. They finally stopped returning my texts which took a lot longer than normal lol, which is why I finally deleted them after two or three weeks. The girl I went on a date with, I'm not really feeling her but she's cool. I don't see anything serious between us.


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> Looking through some of my old threads. Just interesting to see the progress. My earliest was in 2009, I posted this:
> 
> _*girls*
> 
> Anyone have a large dose of anxiety/lack of confidence due to lack of women in their lives? I have shied away from social situations for so long that I never developed much charisma, especially around girls, and even though I consider myself fairly good-looking all that goes down the drain the second I open my mouth. I work out all the time just for the silly dream that one day I will be so physically appealing that girls would just automatically jump on top me when they see me. I know that idea is ridiculous, but sometimes I feel so frustrated and lost socially that it seems like it's my only possible course of action.
> 
> Obviously I have a lot of confidence issues due to years of social anxiety, but now that I've reduced a lot of my anxiety, all I'm left with is just a shell with no personality. I'm in my last semester of college, and it saddens me to realize that I didn't have the best time of my life that so many others do just because I was never able to develop a personality. It kills me to see attractive girls walking around going out and me just being a bystander who can't penetrate my wall of isolation. Before I was so anxious all the time that I almost wanted to stay in, just so I could relax and get away from all the overwhelming anxiety. Now, I desperately want to have a social life and it just seems so impossible._
> 
> --------------------------------------------------
> 
> And here's my next thread, 2 years later (about a year and a half ago):
> 
> _*Making progress in actually having a life*
> 
> Hello...so I've had social anxiety for years and years, I'm 24 now and I have a decent job but I've been down on my self forever, and never really had much of a life. Never even kissed a girl...sadly. I'm an above average looking guy, extremely warm and generous, but always awkward in social situations. About a month ago, I decided that the only way I could beat this was to attack it full force, and I actually just up and went to a crowded bar on a Friday night...by myself.
> 
> After standing around looking stupid for a bit a girl actually came up to me and said hi, and we started talking. It turned out she was completely wasted, but it was a great excuse to talk to her cute friend, who was sitting nearby by herself. We talked for quite a while, had some laughs, and I even got her number. First time I even really tried, and it was a very successful night. I never went out with her after that, probably because I sounded like an idiot on the phone, another issue altogether, but it gave me a great deal of hope.
> 
> I went out the next few weekends, got a few more numbers, but they also didn't really turn into anything. I decided to join Match.com this week and I got 2 more numbers within a few days, and I even talked to one of the girls for an hour on the phone. An hour. I probably haven't talked to a girl that long period...let alone in one sitting (exaggeration, but you get the point). Anyways, I am about to call this girl again and ask her out for tomorrow, wish me luck.
> 
> I know this isn't some huge accomplishment but I have made more progress in one month than I have in years, and all because I was sick and tired of being miserable and I just took the plunge. I still have a long way to go, but I will let you know what happens. I must admit that I got a lot of help from various sources, http://www.practicalhappiness.com/ was one...Alex Coulson from succeedatdating.com another. This is more than just a guy who doesn't have confidence around women, I've had severe social anxiety for a long time. But i've been working on myself and gradually getting better, and now I've gotten to a point where I can really make up some ground. I would love to hear of other stories of similar situations. Thanks for listening._
> 
> --------------------------------------------------
> 
> It was just a year and a half ago that I decided to start living or die trying. Man...reading this stuff had me tearing up. Especially the first one, I was instantly transported to that time and I could remember exactly how I felt. Just recovering from a years long depression, finally graduating from college after 6 years of struggling....I was such a mess. No life at all. No stability. Just a chaotic brain full of anxiety and worry and stress and misery.
> 
> It's good to see where I came from. It makes me realize that if I came this far, I can overcome other challenges as well. And it makes me realize that if _I_ made progress then _*anyone *_can.
> 
> EDIT: Oh god how narcissistic - "I'm an above average looking guy, extremely warm and generous". *cringe*


Inspiring stuff man, it speaks to me a lot because I feel like I'm in a pretty similar situation right now and I can relate to how change and overcoming SA can make you feel... I used to have very severe SA and I've overcome most of it the last 5 years (which is an awesome feeling) but this roadblock with dating/women just really has me feeling like I can't overcome it... it's nice to see that it is possible though


----------



## StevenGlansberg

You two are both very inspiring. I have appointed you my life coaches. Congrats.


----------



## Barette

^For real, that's awesome to be able to trace that progress. I don't know how either of y'all are where you're at, it's amazing. I can't even leave my room most days, lol.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> ^For real, that's awesome to be able to trace that progress. I don't know how either of y'all are where you're at, it's amazing. I can't even leave my room most days, lol.


And yet your avatar is a picture of you with your boobs hanging out. Sheesh...walking contradiction.


----------



## Cyclonic

I recently joined meetup after hearing it thrown around on here quite a bit. I'm hoping that will get me out there at least, more than I already am.


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> And yet your avatar is a picture of you with your boobs hanging out. Sheesh...walking contradiction.


I may be a hermit, but I'm not a modest hermit.

And Jayne Mansfield didn't walk, she swayed.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> I may be a hermit, but I'm not a modest hermit.
> 
> And Jayne Mansfield didn't walk, she swayed.


Your level of swag is downright overwhelming.


----------



## Barette

I'm glad someone's finally noticed.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> What about it?


Yeah, did it help you with women or was it just too much of a mental masturbation circlejerk?

I'm like right in between those two options.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Yeah, did it help you with women or was it just too much of a mental masturbation circlejerk?
> 
> I'm like right in between those two options.


It's good information if you know what and what not to take in. They are mainly focused on one-night stands from clubs and bars. They teach good stuff but it all depends on what you are going for (relationship, one night stands, etc). Just don't become a sheep. Basically all you have to do is learn how to believe in yourself more and take more action and approach. When you get confident talking to women everything will align itself naturally. All you are missing is experience and self-confidence and action.

What a good coach should do is teach someone how to overcome their fears, get what they want by becoming a more confident person. There is no reason to change the core of who you are or what you want. Learn to go after what you want while at the same time following your heart and what you want.

Use outside sources as something to get ideas from and try and then find what works for you for what YOU want. Some people will look at RSD and think of as "bad" but their information is much like simplepickup's....the general idea is to teach someone how to meet women and become confident in themselves by doing so even if the message of some of these companies are "sex, sex, sex"...and even if it is, sex isn't necessarily a bad thing if done responsibly.

The only guy I really don't like from a moral standpoint is Julien. That guys is a douche from RSD and he treats women like ****. I do no condone treating anyone like **** or manipulating them. Tyler is a rough guy and so he does pretty intense things. Alex from RSD is my favorite coach.

Things to avoid:
1. Manipulation
2. Egos

Do not listen to guys or groups of people who do those things or have big egos. An ego is something society, usually negative society, has pushed onto other people which acts to give people false glorified persona. The person with the ego is the one who is generally insecure and seeking validation. The ego is what people construct to protect them from harm but it isn't really them. Any time you act like someone else to get validation or something from someone you are acting from your ego and you are not presenting your true self. Your true self is much more powerful and is how people connect to the true you and not some fake ego.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Things to avoid:
> 1. Manipulation
> .


Reading a book called influence, amazing stuff


----------



## Parameter

Absolutely nothing. It's hard to start conversations if you have trouble saying your own name.


----------



## pete24

Had a weird 1 today on POF... browsed I got a message off a girl who hasnt shown up as browsed my profile (dunno though, may just have that setting off)... Opened the message and.... it said:

"Hello there.

How are you doing today? 

You must of come from 1 of my dreams, hehe, you're very hot and sexy! I'm feeling wet and horny, come and suck on my t******(word censored by me)?

xxxxx"

I think I almost spat fizzy pop at the screen

Deffo not a fake account, shes got real pics up (quite hot) and also the profile is fully completed and funnily enough her profile says shes looking for a relationship and mail preferences are you cant message her if you have messaged others looking for intimate encounters.

Part of her profile says "I work as an assistant in a flower shop, and love my job. I'm fairly quiet, and can be shy too. But once I get to know you, I can chat for hours. Its not all about looks but they are a bonus. Im looking for someone who can try to bring the best out in me and put a smile on my face"


----------



## phoenixwright

The blonde on OKCupid is starting to flirt with me now. Said I'm cute. lol.

This is nothing unusual. Things usually start to go downhill on the actual date. lol. I'm not going to beat myself over it if things do go downhill though because it's not really my fault or even their fault. It's just a lack of chemistry and connection. While I often dwell on my mistakes, there was no real potential with the girls it didn't work out with. The problem in the past with me is that I'd always blame myself and look down on myself.

I have a slight concern about the girl's weight. She's not obese or anything. Slightly overweight I guess? In some pics, she's pretty cute. In some pics, the weight detracts from her appearance. I'm thinking I'm going to give it a try for now. She might look better in-person. It's not like I want a model or anything. I've seen girls who are her size who appeared to be quite attractive to me because they had a certain look I really like. She's blonde and I tend to prefer brunettes and redheads. That might be it. I think I'm pickier with blondes? lol.


----------



## AndreAlcatraz

phoenixwright said:


> The blonde on OKCupid is starting to flirt with me now. Said I'm cute. lol.
> 
> This is nothing unusual. Things usually start to go downhill on the actual date. lol. I'm not going to beat myself over it if things do go downhill though because it's not really my fault or even their fault. It's just a lack of chemistry and connection. While I often dwell on my mistakes, there was no real potential with the girls it didn't work out with. The problem in the past with me is that I'd always blame myself and look down on myself.
> 
> I have a slight concern about the girl's weight. She's not obese or anything. Slightly overweight I guess? In some pics, she's pretty cute. In some pics, the weight detracts from her appearance. I'm thinking I'm going to give it a try for now. She might look better in-person. It's not like I want a model or anything. I've seen girls who are her size who appeared to be quite attractive to me because they had a certain look I really like. She's blonde and I tend to prefer brunettes and redheads. That might be it. I think I'm pickier with blondes? lol.


Well, I wish you luckkk
Though i dont approve much internet dating, at least for me. I dont want to deal with rejection after meeting in person.


----------



## Ivan AG

phoenixwright said:


> The blonde on OKCupid is starting to flirt with me now. Said I'm cute. lol.
> 
> This is nothing unusual. Things usually start to go downhill on the actual date. lol. I'm not going to beat myself over it if things do go downhill though because it's not really my fault or even their fault. It's just a lack of chemistry and connection. While I often dwell on my mistakes, there was no real potential with the girls it didn't work out with. The problem in the past with me is that I'd always blame myself and look down on myself.
> 
> I have a slight concern about the girl's weight. She's not obese or anything. Slightly overweight I guess? In some pics, she's pretty cute. In some pics, the weight detracts from her appearance. I'm thinking I'm going to give it a try for now. She might look better in-person. It's not like I want a model or anything. I've seen girls who are her size who appeared to be quite attractive to me because they had a certain look I really like. She's blonde and I tend to prefer brunettes and redheads. That might be it. I think I'm pickier with blondes? lol.


Did she just ask you out on a date or did you take the initiative?


----------



## phoenixwright

Ivan AG said:


> Did she just ask you out on a date or did you take the initiative?


no one asked each other out on a date. She messaged me, I replied, she messaged back and said I was cute in the second message. I probably will ask for her number and text with her a bit to get to know her. Then ask her to a date if that goes well. It's definitely important I talk to her some before setting up a date. Considering the disaste date i had with the older woman. lol.


----------



## bsd3355

Talked to 2 girls around campus today. Got 1 number. I probably could of got the number from the second girl but I hesitated too long--we had a nice convo going that felt smooth and natural, but she entered a building before I asked and I kind of kicked myself for that. My goal was to get 2 numbers for the day but for only approaching 2 girls and asking for only one number, one number isn't bad! Slightly disappointed I didn't do more. 

There is a security guy--actually a few--that drive around campus and I always think they think I'm suspicious or something and that kind of got to me. For the most part, I'm not breaking any laws or anything and I'm not being creepy towards girls and freaking them out. Honestly though, I don't want the security to get suspicious of me because I don't want to lose approaching on campus as it's my best chance to meet girls. I don't think they have a right to tell me not to do that as I'm not causing any harm or breaking any laws or anything.

Will try to go out again tomorrow and get 2 numbers.


----------



## Sourdog

Hmm i was talking to a girl today that i've known for a little bit and invited her to a little get together and she said maybe. My friend likes her and i'm doing it for him, but i still talked to a girl so woohoo!


----------



## bsd3355

Nice going sourdog! 

Phoenix, good luck and let us know what happens! 

Pete, that sounds like a fake account but email her back anyway. A month ago I was on POF too and got a girl emailing me who ended up being a fake account.



UPDATE WITH GIRL I MET TODAY:
She sounds like a flake. Texted briefly back and forth a couple hours after I got her number and then I later asked her if she'd like to meet up at the student center on campus for some drinks, no reply and it's been at least 5 hours. This is pretty normal stuff though so it doesn't bother me. This is the exact reason why I try to aim for at least 2 numbers a day. I'll text her tomorrow and if she responds I'll get into a conversation with her and ask her if she wants to hang out again. If she doesn't' respond to my initial text or doesn't respond to my invitation then I know she's not interested and I'll delete her number. Not once did I show my intentions beyond asking her to text or hang out, but I never said she was pretty or anything.

EDIT FOR TOMORROW:
I won't be able to do any approaches tomorrow because I will be busy from the morning until later in the evening so I'll have to pick it back up on Thursday. 

SITE NOTE:
I am really contemplating approaching more at my college because it has been a challenge for me. I really don't like the set up of the campus and it is harder than the one closer to my house in my opinion, but that's all in my head. I am still facing mental barriers I realize I need to break if I want to get better at this. I can't just use one place to meet girls. I need to break down my mental barriers so I can expand my comfort zone and therefore expand my options.


----------



## bsd3355

These guys from simplepickup.... picking up parents' daughters right in front of the parents. You know how much BALLS that takes? that takes some serious indifference to be able to do that

At the end of the video (project go video) they said you always want to be doing something that you are uncomfortable with to GROW your comfort zone. i totally agree. hopefully we can all push ourselves more and more and experience this.

i was driving home today thinking about this fact. if you go throughout your day, all those fears you have from social situations are basically areas to grow from. it's pretty remarkable when you think about it. the more you grow from these fears the more happy you become in my opinion, and usually i don't use the term "happy" to describe much because it's such a broad term but it's true.... happiness comes from being yourself and doing the things you want to do without constraint...that's a big part of happiness and fulfillment in my opinion

society has put so many restraints on us and we accept it and fall in line. i'm not saying to go out and rob a store or anything...i'm talking about not speaking up, not saying what is on your mind, not being yourself, not approaching girls, caring too much what people think, etc. everyone is affected by these societal restraints.

"There's no glory in being well-adjusted in a mal-adjusted society" -owen cook


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Went shopping today, but no spots opened up. I'll be grinding on my computer for the next fortnight too, so this doesn't bode well. :\


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> These guys from simplepickup.... picking up parents' daughters right in front of the parents. You know how much BALLS that takes? that takes some serious indifference to be able to do that
> 
> At the end of the video (project go video) they said you always want to be doing something that you are uncomfortable with to GROW your comfort zone. i totally agree. hopefully we can all push ourselves more and more and experience this.
> 
> i was driving home today thinking about this fact. if you go throughout your day, all those fears you have from social situations are basically areas to grow from. it's pretty remarkable when you think about it. the more you grow from these fears the more happy you become in my opinion, and usually i don't use the term "happy" to describe much because it's such a broad term but it's true.... happiness comes from being yourself and doing the things you want to do without constraint...that's a big part of happiness and fulfillment in my opinion
> 
> society has put so many restraints on us and we accept it and fall in line. i'm not saying to go out and rob a store or anything...i'm talking about not speaking up, not saying what is on your mind, not being yourself, not approaching girls, caring too much what people think, etc. everyone is affected by these societal restraints.
> 
> "There's no glory in being well-adjusted in a mal-adjusted society" -owen cook


Actually, it was Jiddu Krishnamurti that spoke those words about being well adjusted to a sick society. Owen is just being a douche by stealing his stuff, l0l.

Anyhow, I do agree with breaking out of groupthink and the hivemind or "unplugging" so to speak.

At first it's kind of confusing because we've been taught what to think instead of thinking ourselves.


----------



## cloister2

I lock myself in my house and wait for one to break in and grab me.


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## wrightg1990

There's a girl I've been talking to on and off. I invited her to a Halloween party last month. She invited me to another party last Friday, which I couldn't go to because I was out of town. We've made plans to play paintball sometime soon, though I don't know when. What have I done? Not much.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So in the past i have talked about this certain girl at work that i was interested in, she has shown a lot of interest in me as well, but i was unsure whether i wanted to date a girl at work.
> 
> So more talking has led to me taking her out to lunch this Wednesday. TBH i am still not sure if its a good idea, but i have asked about her to her friend at work, and whether she was available.
> 
> I didnt ask her, she basically asked herself out for me. Still not sure about it but i may pursue it. Not to mention the same is probably on her side. She is a bit older, but her body is awesome.
> 
> So we will see,
> 
> Other then that still minimum action on online dating. After using it heavily i have scaled down and am not really messaging anyone, but i still check in. I did make friends with this gay guy who lives in the building. he was asking me if i was single, or if i had a girl friend, lol a lot of times they have a lot of women friends so i play nice.
> 
> To the improvement side of things, i have been working out heavily. Unfortunately, i will have to wait a bit for that Mercedes i was gonna get. Lack of funds


disappointing day no doubt, at least i am disappointing. So i go by her desk to pick her up for lunch, and this other girl was also there, this other girl has a crush on me i think. So she asked her if she wants to join us.

The whole thing seemed to suspicious to be coincidental but its just confusing. The two are friends, but not close enough to plan something like that. Then on the way back she whispered to me that whether i minded if she asked her. we gaze into each others eyes a lot.

I dont even know any more man. Forget it, i think i am not going to persue this further.

What bothers me is that i am not transparent with my desire, thats what i want transparency. I truly believe that if you want something, and are transparent with you want, people end up giving it to you.


----------



## pete24

Interestingly bwidger85 it wasnt a fake account.

This bint did her profile, and from what im guessing it was a legit profile... Then im guessing 1 of her friends copied and pasted that same message to a load of guys (sadly including me), 

I replied (nothing naughty) just a hi etc. 

Anyway whilst i was waiting for a reply I thought I would do some snooping, her 1st name was in the profile, and of course the town she lives in on her profile. 

I found her on FB... half the profile was public... seemed legit. Some of her pics off FB were on there but also some that were not... so even more proof it was a legit profile. (Of course I didnt add her as a friend and never had that intention)

Anyways as expected there was no reply and account closed (guessing she felt her friend made her look an idiot so closed it).

As sweet revenge for basically making a mockery of online dating, and because shes 1 of those b*****s that makes online dating harder for us guys...

I found pictures from her FB profile... and decided to do an experiment of my own.

Uploaded her worst pictures (that are pretty much of her drunk, doing weird gurns, or 1's with no makeup that shes having a go at her friends over, asking to be untagged) and made a profile 

What has shocked me completely, is I put looking for "Intimate Encounter"because it would expose some of the sites sleazes, rather than the genuine guys looking for a relationship.... Anyways... Within 10 mins of opening the profile, the profile has had 17 messages, 8 "meet me"'s, over 20 guys requesting chat (many re-requesting chat constantly) and more than 80 guys have looked at this profile... Oh and 12 guys have added the profile to favorites.

Bear in mind its 3am now so most guys on the site would be in bed. I dread to think what it would be like if it was 3pm or something. 

Its a sickening site, guys profile pics are wtf? and moreso why hasnt POF admins seen them and deleted them. Theres guys with their bits out, topless guys, guys doing weird things.


My new approach to my own profile is to give off some attitude. Nothing bad but basically something that gives the impression that im not competing, im 1 of the few genuine guys on the site and I dont care if they don't like my profile because its their loss.

I will report my findings if that approach works


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Interestingly bwidger85 it wasnt a fake account.
> 
> This bint did her profile, and from what im guessing it was a legit profile... Then im guessing 1 of her friends copied and pasted that same message to a load of guys (sadly including me),
> 
> I replied (nothing naughty) just a hi etc.
> 
> Anyway whilst i was waiting for a reply I thought I would do some snooping, her 1st name was in the profile, and of course the town she lives in on her profile.
> 
> I found her on FB... half the profile was public... seemed legit. Some of her pics off FB were on there but also some that were not... so even more proof it was a legit profile. (Of course I didnt add her as a friend and never had that intention)
> 
> Anyways as expected there was no reply and account closed (guessing she felt her friend made her look an idiot so closed it).
> 
> As sweet revenge for basically making a mockery of online dating, and because shes 1 of those b*****s that makes online dating harder for us guys...
> 
> I found pictures from her FB profile... and decided to do an experiment of my own.
> 
> Uploaded her worst pictures (that are pretty much of her drunk, doing weird gurns, or 1's with no makeup that shes having a go at her friends over, asking to be untagged) and made a profile
> 
> What has shocked me completely, is I put looking for "Intimate Encounter"because it would expose some of the sites sleazes, rather than the genuine guys looking for a relationship.... Anyways... Within 10 mins of opening the profile, the profile has had 17 messages, 8 "meet me"'s, over 20 guys requesting chat (many re-requesting chat constantly) and more than 80 guys have looked at this profile... Oh and 12 guys have added the profile to favorites.
> 
> Bear in mind its 3am now so most guys on the site would be in bed. I dread to think what it would be like if it was 3pm or something.
> 
> Its a sickening site, guys profile pics are wtf? and moreso why hasnt POF admins seen them and deleted them. Theres guys with their bits out, topless guys, guys doing weird things.


more reason to abondon at least the free online world, the odds are such


----------



## bsd3355

And guys wonder why it's so hard online. I did the same one time with a pic and got over 63 emails in the first day. Most guys are happy to get 1 email from a girl they think is cute. Meanwhile, girls hardly get approached in that amount offline so no wonder I'm doing better offline.

You can literally be the only guy who's approached her all day offline! I know, it's insane! 

Some of these girls get so much emails online they simply forget to write back to you because it gets lost in their spam of guys. It's ridiculous.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> disappointing day no doubt, at least i am disappointing. So i go by her desk to pick her up for lunch, and this other girl was also there, this other girl has a crush on me i think. So she asked her if she wants to join us.
> 
> The whole thing seemed to suspicious to be coincidental but its just confusing. The two are friends, but not close enough to plan something like that. Then on the way back she whispered to me that whether i minded if she asked her. we gaze into each others eyes a lot.
> 
> I dont even know any more man. Forget it, i think i am not going to persue this further.
> 
> What bothers me is that i am not transparent with my desire, thats what i want transparency. I truly believe that if you want something, and are transparent with you want, people end up giving it to you.


Your stories are sometimes hard to follow but I think I understand.

I always try to go for contact information because that way I can meet them outside of work and take it to another level.

Maybe next time you'd like to take things further with a girl go for the contact information and then set a time to go and do something outside of work.

Don't be so hard on yourself man. ****, I couldn't do that when I first started! Just stick with it. You got this. All you have to do is talk to a girl you like for a little bit, ask for her number or ask if she'd like to hang out sometime. Just practice talking to girls and trying to get their contact information or something. One step at a time! I still take it one step at a time! Don't give up, you just started man!

Remember, it may not seem like it to you now but there are lots of girls out there! If one or ten girls reject you in person it doesn't matter because there are plenty others. Just have fun with it. Try to have a "process" or conversation preplanned from opening to transition to end...that helps me out a lot. That way you don't put so much energy into every girl.

When I go out to campus I follow a specific process because it is easier on me than trying to think everything out. I walk around campus and ask for directions to a building; they either tell me or don't know but I always transition into a conversation by trying to guess their year at the school. I then ask about their major and why they took it, etc., etc. I then ask if they like to text after talking briefly and it works nice. Sometimes they decline and other times they don't. But that is such an example of having a process you can follow so you don't expend too much energy at first. Later on you can be just say anything if you want.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> And guys wonder why it's so hard online. I did the same one time with a pic and got over 63 emails in the first day. Most guys are happy to get 1 email from a girl they think is cute. Meanwhile, girls hardly get approached in that amount offline so no wonder I'm doing better offline.
> 
> You can literally be the only guy who's approached her all day offline! I know, it's insane!
> 
> Some of these girls get so much emails online they simply forget to write back to you because it gets lost in their spam of guys. It's ridiculous.


Too true with it there,

Yea thats the thing offline, I guess im still trying to ease my way into it.

Thats what I think has happened to me a lot of times, like the messaging was going well, but then all of a sudden no reply... I guess most of the times I can only imagine she didnt log on for 10 or more hours, then logged in, saw 50 messages and mine was lost on page 5 or something


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Too true with it there,
> 
> Yea thats the thing offline, I guess im still trying to ease my way into it.
> 
> Thats what I think has happened to me a lot of times, like the messaging was going well, but then all of a sudden no reply... I guess most of the times I can only imagine she didnt log on for 10 or more hours, then logged in, saw 50 messages and mine was lost on page 5 or something


They will likely get the most messages when they first sign up to the site and after a while it dies down, but they probably still get a decent amount after a while regardless of how long they have been on.


----------



## phoenixwright

The blonde on OKCupid gave me her number. And I broke some cardinal rules in the process (asking for her number early on before building the requisite "rapport"). I don't have to follow any guides. Sometimes you just need to assess the situation and respond accordingly. If a girl is attracted to you, she gives you a lot more leeway.



bwidger85 said:


> And guys wonder why it's so hard online. I did the same one time with a pic and got over 63 emails in the first day. Most guys are happy to get 1 email from a girl they think is cute. Meanwhile, girls hardly get approached in that amount offline so no wonder I'm doing better offline.
> 
> You can literally be the only guy who's approached her all day offline! I know, it's insane!
> 
> Some of these girls get so much emails online they simply forget to write back to you because it gets lost in their spam of guys. It's ridiculous.


Yeah some of these girls get so bombarded with emails that they forget to get back to you. They may even like you (up until now at least). But it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. I know personally I don't usually reply to girls right away when I see a message on a dating site because I'm busy (or just plain lazy). I just log in to check my messages or whatever.

As for offline, guys have become too "polite" to approach. But when you consider the general attitude of women towards strangers approaching them (see that thread on SAS about random guys approaching girls and see what the female posters have to say about that), can you blame guys for deciding not to approach strangers? Women are not receptive to random approaches as much these days. We live in a cold society. The women offline that you and rymo are having success with are more approachable and chatty than average. I guarantee it. People on SAS are under this impression that everyone aside from them is an extrovert. That is not true. You can not have social anxiety and be an introvert. You can also have social anxiety and be an extrovert. It's just that the SA is holding you back. I suspect women who welcome approaches are more likely to have an extroverted orientation. And women who don't welcome them are more likely to have an introverted orientation.


----------



## bsd3355

^I'm going to try hard from now on to stop trying to defend my idea. All it does is get me agitated


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> As for offline, guys have become too "polite" to approach. But when you consider the general attitude of women towards strangers approaching them (see that thread on SAS about random guys approaching girls and see what the female posters have to say about that), can you blame guys for deciding not to approach strangers? Women are not receptive to random approaches as much these days. We live in a cold society. The women offline that you and rymo are having success with are more approachable and chatty than average. *I guarantee it.* People on SAS are under this impression that everyone aside from them is an extrovert. That is not true. You can not have social anxiety and be an introvert. You can also have social anxiety and be an extrovert. It's just that the SA is holding you back. I suspect women who welcome approaches are more likely to have an extroverted orientation. And women who don't welcome them are more likely to have an introverted orientation.


I guarantee not. If you go up to a girl with purpose and you do your damndest to be charming they will be receptive more times than not, no matter what they're preconceptions are.


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm doing more approaches this Saturday.

Since I'm so fearful of rejection as a beginner, I'll try the SimplePickup method for newbies.

TRY to get rejected and see the results.


----------



## bsd3355

Went out today but didn't show any intent. I did a few "warm ups", which ironically have never done anything for me, but I was hoping it'd put me more in the mood as I really wasn't.

It's pretty lame how it's so easy yet so hard sometimes. I'm the only one making it hard on myself. Had probably 10+ opportunities today but didn't "feel" right. It's one of those things that sometimes you can't even plan for because it just happens and you fall victim to it and give up, and that's come from someone who has done this a lot. I don't know how SP keeps so consistent with the way they feel. I still have some things I need to work on and it is becoming very frustrating I haven't got over them yet.

I came up with an idea of having a place where I can take a break and chill out and gather my thoughts if I'm not feeling it. I guess I can chill in the library til I regain my optimism. I like to have it somewhere quite and chill so I can relax. Whenever I feel out of it I always leave instead of completing what I set out to do and that is another big problem I've been facing forever. Maybe I'll start incorporating breaks while I'm out. I am not liking my week so far and the way it has been going. This is not where I want to be and it's my fault ultimately. Going to write down somethings I need to work on and better prepare myself (again).


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> I guarantee not. If you go up to a girl with purpose and you do your damndest to be charming they will be receptive more times than not, no matter what they're preconceptions are.


this is an example of how the pickup movement encourages men to put on an act ("be charming") instead of being real.

I get the idea behind it. It's like going for a job interview. You want to set yourself apart from all the other "candidates". That is a power relationship. Employer/employee. A girlfriend is not supposed to be your boss.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> this is an example of how the pickup movement encourages men to put on an act ("be charming") instead of being real.


This is an example of how someone will never approach a woman and wonder why he can't meet anyone.

You don't get it and from what I've read over and over from you, you will never get it. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARRREEEEEEEE. This isn't about becoming a "PUA"; it's about meeting women! Duuuuh


----------



## bsd3355

You probably just misinterpreted what rymo said, but I don't see how it corresponds to becoming a pick up artist. Regardless of what conception you have, when someone greets someone with a certain energy people are usually inclined to mirror that energy. This is no woowoo magic pick up ****

so much for me not debating ideas... that was fast..


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> This is an example of how someone will never approach a woman and wonder why he can't meet anyone.
> 
> You don't get it and from what I've read over and over from you, you will never get it. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARRREEEEEEEE. This isn't about becoming a "PUA"; it's about meeting women! Duuuuh


if a woman has the attitude of "he's gotta be charming when he approaches me", that is not a woman I want to meet. I don't want a self-entitled princess who lives out some The Notebook fantasy where I'm Ryan Gosling and sweep her off her feet.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> this is an example of how the pickup movement encourages men to put on an act ("be charming") instead of being real.
> 
> I get the idea behind it. It's like going for a job interview. You want to set yourself apart from all the other "candidates". That is a power relationship. Employer/employee. A girlfriend is not supposed to be your boss.


There are no other candidates. Most girls are very rarely getting approached outside a bar or club environment. A day approach means you've already set yourself apart. Now all you need is to smile, be direct with your intentions, and flirt/ask questions. To me, it can be fun. I don't feel like I'm putting on an act at all. I am genuinely interested in the girl at first and therefore I am going to try to get to know her. If I find out she's not my type (or vice versa), I can move onto the next. How am I going to find interesting people if I don't try talking to anyone? But in your case, you downright don't like women, so I understand why you wouldn't want to talk to them.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> if a woman has the attitude of "he's gotta be charming when he approaches me", that is not a woman I want to meet. I don't want a self-entitled princess who lives out some The Notebook fantasy where I'm Ryan Gosling and sweep her off her feet.


Haha so you want a girl who has low standards? Who wants a guy with zero personality to approach her? What kind of world do you think we live in? Focus on improving your attitude not complaining about the reality of the world.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Haha so you want a girl who has low standards? Who wants a guy with zero personality to approach her? What kind of world do you think we live in? Focus on improving your attitude not complaining about the reality of the world.


improving my attitude? Are you ****ing kidding me? Women are out equals. Yet you advocate trying to impress them as if they are a boss that were trying to get to hire us. That is a power relationship.


----------



## foe

-Working and trying to finish school to improve my situation.
-Talking and being more open to improve myself and my social skills.

I think I'm way too self-absorbed to be with somebody.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> if a woman has the attitude of "he's gotta be charming when he approaches me", that is not a woman I want to meet. I don't want a self-entitled princess who lives out some The Notebook fantasy where I'm Ryan Gosling and sweep her off her feet.


LOL. This is actually pretty funny i had to lol The Notebook fantasy part

Rymo is just talking about being friendly. You don't have to be friendly but I'd imagine it not to work as well in your favor


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> improving my attitude? Are you ****ing kidding me? Women are out equals. Yet you advocate trying to impress them as if they are a boss that were trying to get to hire us. That is a power relationship.


So you don't want to impress women? Why the hell not? Good things happen when you do. I really don't understand. Are you saying you should be mean to women? To put zero effort into talking with them? Or are you just living in some fantasy world where girls are crawling at your feet without you having to try at all? Yeh...I'll stick to being friendly and personable instead of hoping that girls will suddenly want a guy who doesn't even try.


----------



## elvin jones

Face facts, if you are interested in some girl there will be other guys who are also interested in her. Putting in effort and trying to woo her is normal. How the hell else do you expect to find someone? You can't just sit on your *** with a bad attitude and expect the opposite sex to come crawling to you.


----------



## percyblueraincoat

I would agree that some pick up stuff encourages guys to act like something they are not. And some pick up advice goes against guy's actual instincts about what to say and how to handle things.

But here's a video that shows the power of going up to people with positive emotions. It also shows the power of reasons, state control etc. It's not pick up stuff but you can see the differences in how people respond to him.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Approach girls with chocolates in a Santa hat...I think I'm finally getting this...


----------



## bsd3355

When you have the balls to approach girls and talk to them you'll find that you are generally more confident in relationships because you realize that you have what it takes to meet more women. When you find the girls who like you you'll realize that it's a mutual thing where not much effort on your part is taking place. Starting off you tend to put more effort into the approach simply because the grounds between you two are unknown, so you need to be the one who makes something happen, and later by her response will you know if she likes you. But how is meeting women different from putting in the effort to do other things in life? Nothing comes to us for sitting on our *** usually unless you are the few extremely rare lucky ones.

My attitude is when I go to talk to a girl she can either accept or decline and that's fine because there are other girls I know who will accept. I really don't have to change who I am; just stop being afraid and take more action. Naturally, some girls will be nice, some really nice, some not so nice and some rude, but that's not your fault usually, that's just where the girl is at in that present moment.

If the girl accepts then it gets easy for me because I know if she hangs out with me she likes me usually so I just chill back and literally put hardly any forced effort into much of anything. The only hard part is approaching for me. If I can get over this mentally then meeting women in general will be easy. I just have that last hurdle I somehow need to make easy for me somehow, which will be an internal change. Just the approaching part and overcoming my fears regarding that is what makes meeting women incredibly hard for me sometimes; it's not the women ironically. It's all in my head. It's all my fault why this stuff is hard. _I argue that it is also all your guys' faults why this is hard too because the "hard" part is the internal struggle and not women rejecting you._


----------



## nautilus

phoenixwright said:


> this is an example of how the pickup movement encourages men to put on an act ("be charming") instead of being real.
> 
> I get the idea behind it. It's like going for a job interview. You want to set yourself apart from all the other "candidates". That is a power relationship. Employer/employee. A girlfriend is not supposed to be your boss.


If you want to go with the "job interview" metaphor, it's not so much that the other person is making all the decisions; it's more like you're interviewing _each other_. Yes, the woman is going to be basing her decision on what she knows about you, but as you get to know her better, you'll be making a decision of your own about whether you want to continue interacting with her or not. As to who does the approaching, does it really matter? I think the main point these guys are trying to make is that consciously trying to meet more people increases your chances of finding someone you're compatible with. And that's advice which I find useful myself, despite the fact that I'm female.

As far as the worry about being fake, it's true, you don't want to act like someone you're not. But is who you are only determined by the way you've been perceived in the past? Communication is surprisingly technical, I've found. A lot of times, it doesn't "just happen", it has to be learned. The old cliche that you should be yourself is entirely true, but what they often forget to mention is that you also have to find ways to _show_ people who you are.

I realized something when I took a public speaking class; I was perfectly capable of appearing confident while up there speaking to people. I knew how good speakers moved and spoke, and I knew that I was physically capable of using those techniques. Yet I didn't want to, because I thought, "that's not me, I'm not someone who can give a good speech..." By the end of that semester I found that indeed I _can_ give a good speech, it's just that I hadn't done so in the past. Did I change who I am as a person by learning to give a speech? Not at all; I just found ways to show another aspect of who I am.


----------



## bsd3355

Ill prob head out later to redeem myself tonight . Definitely motivated to


----------



## pete24

POF update on the *****es profile...

112 unique inbox messages... 


On my own profile the not competing, their loss attitude hasnt worked well yet... but its early days


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> POF update on the *****es profile...
> 
> 112 unique inbox messages...
> 
> On my own profile the not competing, their loss attitude hasnt worked well yet... but its early days


Might as well delete her profile. It won't do you any good. Forget about her and move on


----------



## bsd3355

nautilus said:


> If you want to go with the "job interview" metaphor, it's not so much that the other person is making all the decisions; it's more like you're interviewing _each other_. Yes, the woman is going to be basing her decision on what she knows about you, but as you get to know her better, you'll be making a decision of your own about whether you want to continue interacting with her or not. As to who does the approaching, does it really matter? I think the main point these guys are trying to make is that consciously trying to meet more people increases your chances of finding someone you're compatible with. And that's advice which I find useful myself, despite the fact that I'm female.
> 
> As far as the worry about being fake, it's true, you don't want to act like someone you're not. But is who you are only determined by the way you've been perceived in the past? Communication is surprisingly technical, I've found. A lot of times, it doesn't "just happen", it has to be learned. The old cliche that you should be yourself is entirely true, but what they often forget to mention is that you also have to find ways to _show_ people who you are.
> 
> I realized something when I took a public speaking class; I was perfectly capable of appearing confident while up there speaking to people. I knew how good speakers moved and spoke, and I knew that I was physically capable of using those techniques. Yet I didn't want to, because I thought, "that's not me, I'm not someone who can give a good speech..." By the end of that semester I found that indeed I _can_ give a good speech, it's just that I hadn't done so in the past. Did I change who I am as a person by learning to give a speech? Not at all; I just found ways to show another aspect of who I am.


I like the way you think 

Well, I wanted to approach some girls later but was reminded I have school work to do, and I won't be able to do any approaching in the morning because I have to be at school then, so I'm forced to do some tomorrow in-between classes, which is fine with me because I have a 4 hours break tomorrow. I'll have to do it at my campus, and that has always been a challenge for me because I feel really exposed there. I also haven't dated anyone from there before as they have all been from the campus closer to my house.

I have some ideas where I can start but I will feel much more exposed, but that's good in a way as it will help me overcome some self-consciousness (hopefully). I'll try to incorporate breaks because I can't walk around when my head is all ****ed up, and it will be if I approach at my campus.


----------



## phoenixwright

elvin jones said:


> Face facts, if you are interested in some girl there will be other guys who are also interested in her. Putting in effort and trying to woo her is normal. How the hell else do you expect to find someone? You can't just sit on your *** with a bad attitude and expect the opposite sex to come crawling to you.


I don't expect a guy to put in any more effort than a girl would. Last I checked, there's about 1 guy for every girl. There's no reason for men to show desperation and put women in the power seat.

Yes I want to woo a girl. And I also want her to woo me. But it has to be earned. When I first meet a girl, the only thing I know is that she's pretty and she has a vagina. For the vast majority of the male population, this seems to be enough for a woman to earn their admiration.

When I asked a woman once why men should "prove their worth" to a woman, she said it's because an attractive young woman has options and isn't desperate. Why do men put themselves in the position of desperation?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

What if she has a pretty vagina? Double combo.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I don't expect a guy to put in any more effort than a girl would. Last I checked, there's about 1 guy for every girl. There's no reason for men to show desperation and put women in the power seat.
> 
> Yes I want to woo a girl. And I also want her to woo me. But it has to be earned. When I first meet a girl, the only thing I know is that she's pretty and she has a vagina. For the vast majority of the male population, this seems to be enough for a woman to earn their admiration.
> 
> When I asked a woman once why men should "prove their worth" to a woman, she said it's because an attractive young woman has options and isn't desperate. Why do men put themselves in the position of desperation?


Women have their own problems they have to deal with that men don't have to deal with. In the grand scheme of things it levels out when you add all the different things together. Hell, women probably have it worse then us guys. Can you imagine carrying a baby around for 9 months and then giving birth to it? That's just one example of _many_. Us men have some good perks, dude

Btw, I don't try to prove my worth to women anymore. I realize that is a fail every time because you don't think you are enough to begin with. I know I'm enough so I don't have to prove nothing. If the woman doesn't like me for me then nothing I can do about that--next! I know I don't have to prove **** but be myself and women are going to like me. It's only a matter of time before it happens. It's inevitable if I approach and talk to girls. Some girls will like me and some won't, how is that any different from anything else? It's not. You can't expect everyone to like you.

Wooing anyone regardless of their sex is just a matter of interest in each other. If there is sexual chemistry with a some type of connection it will happen automatically in ways of flirting. _Basically, couples woo each other._ Magic doesn't happen through one person; it's a mutual thing. If one person is trying to flirt with someone but that person isn't having it then no "wooing" is taking place lol


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I don't expect a guy to put in any more effort than a girl would. Last I checked, there's about 1 guy for every girl. There's no reason for men to show desperation and put women in the power seat.
> 
> Yes I want to woo a girl. And I also want her to woo me. But it has to be earned. When I first meet a girl, the only thing I know is that she's pretty and she has a vagina. For the vast majority of the male population, this seems to be enough for a woman to earn their admiration.
> 
> When I asked a woman once why men should "prove their worth" to a woman, she said it's because an attractive young woman has options and isn't desperate. Why do men put themselves in the position of desperation?


If talking to lots of women is desperate, then I should just hang my hat up now. If anything, that just means more options, which means more "power", which means mo money mo problems. I mean joy and happiness.

Stop being a negative nancy and get with the program.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> If talking to lots of women is desperate, then I should just hang my hat up now. If anything, that just means more options, which means more "power", which means mo money mo problems. I mean joy and happiness.
> 
> Stop being a negative nancy and get with the program.


Talking with them is not desperate.

Day game is something that women have wised up to though. Even if you're not a PUA, they will think you are one because so many of them are getting in on this trend. Women have their ***** shields up more than ever and are less approachable than ever because the pickup community has ruined it for everyone else. You can bet that women have been "day gamed" numerous times in their lifetime with all the guys following PUA material out there. Even if a guy is going in with good intentions, many assume automatically that he's just trying to score because so many guys who do "day game" are looking to just score.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Talking with them is not desperate.
> 
> Day game is something that women have wised up to though. Even if you're not a PUA, they will think you are one because so many of them are getting in on this trend. Women have their ***** shields up more than ever and are less approachable than ever because the pickup community has ruined it for everyone else. You can bet that women have been "day gamed" numerous times in their lifetime with all the guys following PUA material out there. Even if a guy is going in with good intentions, many assume automatically that he's just trying to score because so many guys who do "day game" are looking to just score.


If men don't approach women then women will have to approach men. There is no other way and it will never stop happening because if it does then we are all ****ed. It isn't possible that women will deny all men. IT ISN'T POSSIBLE. IT WILL NEVER BE POSSIBLE regardless of how many "pua" crap they hear or see. Women like to be approached and some don't. Nothing has changed and it will never change. It doesn't matter where you talk to them as long as you do your part as meet them, trust me. Every woman's preference of how she wants to be approached is different. Generally, just be normal and friendly and there is no reason why a woman wouldn't be the same back. Why is that so hard to understand?

Honestly, all you have to do is sit down for 5 minutes and think about it. Obviously you haven't thought about it enough...


----------



## bsd3355

all you really have to do is actually go talk to women in real life and you'll find out first hand how freakin' nice they are and open they are...you are speaking from a 3rd person perspective

solution: go talk to women in real life and find out the truth


----------



## phoenixwright

Gaaahh this girl I had sex with early this year just joined this local meetup group I created on meetup.com. fml. Stage five clinger!

I just know she's going to attend one of my meetups and try acting girlfriendy with me even though I haven't seen her and slept with her in 9 months. And she's going to tell all the people in the group (esp any cute females that manage to show up) that we had sex. I do not want cute girls to know that I slept with her. It's embarrassing. When we were having sex back then, I was embarrassed to be seen with her in public.

Plus this girl is so immature. She only has feelings for me because she finds me very attractive and she says I gave her the best sex in her life (I can't cum from sex so I can last long. lol) 

If guys need any sort of lesson to prove why they need not be desperate, look towards that example. lol.

I have to admit that there is a narcissistic part of me that enjoys seeing the power I hold over her. Up until now, I have never genuinely liked a girl for anything but narcissistic reasons. And I seriously question my ability to have a quality relationship with a woman (whether my brain is wired to actually appreciate someone on that level or if it's really just about how they make me feel about myself) and I question how "genuine" my friendships are. If they are actually meaningful or just shallow. But I do want her to get lost because she could get in the way of me meeting the right girl for me.

As for the OkCupid girl, we texted a little bit. After the third text message (I sent that one 3 hours she sent me her last one because I was working), she didn't reply. She was eager before. Maybe her interest cooled or something. I'll never understand chicks. lol. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. Was just having a conversation with her. And I don't want to get into old habits of analyzing every little thing I and the girl says. Either she likes the real me and I like the real her or we don't.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Gaaahh this girl I had sex with early this year just joined this local meetup group I created on meetup.com. fml. Stage five clinger!
> 
> I just know she's going to attend one of my meetups and try acting girlfriendy with me even though I haven't seen her and slept with her in 9 months. And she's going to tell all the people in the group (esp any cute females that manage to show up) that we had sex. I do not want cute girls to know that I slept with her. It's embarrassing. When we were having sex back then, I was embarrassed to be seen with her in public.
> 
> Plus this girl is so immature. She only has feelings for me because she finds me very attractive and she says I gave her the best sex in her life (I can't cum from sex so I can last long. lol)
> 
> If guys need any sort of lesson to prove why they need not be desperate, look towards that example. lol.
> 
> I have to admit that there is a narcissistic part of me that enjoys seeing the power I hold over her. Up until now, I have never genuinely liked a girl for anything but narcissistic reasons. And I seriously question my ability to have a quality relationship with a woman (whether my brain is wired to actually appreciate someone on that level or if it's really just about how they make me feel about myself) and I question how "genuine" my friendships are. If they are actually meaningful or just shallow. But I do want her to get lost because she could get in the way of me meeting the right girl for me.
> 
> As for the OkCupid girl, we texted a little bit. After the third text message (I sent that one 3 hours she sent me her last one because I was working), she didn't reply. She was eager before. Maybe her interest cooled or something. I'll never understand chicks. lol. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. Was just having a conversation with her. And I don't want to get into old habits of analyzing every little thing I and the girl says. Either she likes the real me and I like the real her or we don't.


I know that feel bro

Do you get a lot if cute girls show up at these meetups


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Might as well delete her profile. It won't do you any good. Forget about her and move on


It doesnt bother me at all, had no interest in her but it was just the concept of women like her being complete idiots, and trying to use dating sites for a 10 minute giggle (when in theory it should be a great place to meet people), which made me want some revenge.

Back on main topic, I have stopped my search for women.

Realised that at this point in my life I simply have no option but to be single which I am used to and don't mind now.

Until I left my job I would of been more bothered since I was working around people and seeing women all the time so would want to try to talk to and get to know them better.

Until after xmas when I get a new job or a few weeks time when I hope some benefits will be rolling in I literally have no cash.

Pretty much means until then, I spend every single day in the house, and maybe if I can rummage up some change I have 1 day in the pub during daytime (when theres never any women). No point going to town with no cash to try and find women as theres barely any shops to bump into women and town is always too heaving to "pick up" on the street.


----------



## arpeggiator

Failure tonight. I went alone to a bar to see a band I liked. I wanted to talk to some girls there, and indeed I talked to some people but none of them were females. I have a real mental block when it comes to aproaching girls. I'd understand if I had severe anxiety but the most frustrating thing it's that it's not that bad, I can give a presentation without a problem, but man I just can't do this. I feel extremely dissapointed with myself right now.


----------



## rymo

arpeggiator said:


> Failure tonight. I went alone to a bar to see a band I liked. I wanted to talk to some girls there, and indeed I talked to some people but none of them were females. I have a real mental block when it comes to aproaching girls. I'd understand if I had severe anxiety but the most frustrating thing it's that it's not that bad, I can give a presentation without a problem, but man I just can't do this. I feel extremely dissapointed with myself right now.


Don't feel disappointed, it's only difficult because you haven't done it, regardless of how bad your anxiety is. One of these times you're just going to have to take the plunge, but in the meantime don't beat yourself up over it. You'll get there for sure man.


----------



## bsd3355

This week I slacked off and didn't do much. Plan on going to the bar for the first time forever tomorrow. Not so sure how I'll approach it but my goal is 2 numbers.

I always say the same thing but I really need to do more every week. It sounds like I'm going a lot but I'm not. I only truly approached 1 girl all week so far and got 1 number. I need to really step it up. School is sucking up all my time and I keep making excuses when I have the chance and before I know it the week is over.

I should be going out 4 days and getting 8 numbers in a week. That's 2 numbers an outing. There are no excuses for me slacking off beyond school, but even then I still had opportunities.


----------



## Cyclonic

I don't know what it is about tonight, but I'm pumping with confidence and energy. I don't want to get my hopes up but I feel like tonight's the night. 

I feel like a different man tonight, and I'm gonna ride it out as far as I can.


----------



## phoenixwright

Trying to talk to that girl on OkCupid is like pulling teeth. She was the one to first message me and she seemed keen. Even saying that I was cute (meanwhile I wasn't really keen on her because she's heavier than what I would have liked. But she still has a pretty face so I figured why not give her a shot?). I then get her number and take things to text messaging and now she's barely talking. She'll respond for a little while and then just fizzle out.

It's an insult when I "give a girl a chance" and then they just seemingly lose interest out of nowhere or flake out on you. I'm tired of the games that they play (and yes she is playing a game, if she didn't want to talk with me anymore, she shouldn't reply to me at all or tell me that she lost interest or something). Why don't girls just want to talk to a guy and get to know them? It's like they expect some magical serendipitous moment out of some rom-com like The Notebook or The Vow or something. I can be romantic and charming. But I'm not going to invest a lot of time trying to come up with a nice line to use on a girl and be fake like that. You have to be yourself. Because if you are not yourself in a relationship, you're going to be miserable. You say that you just have to be friendly and that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm being friendly. Talking about myself, asking the girl questions about herself, etc. Trying to find common ground and form a connection. And this crap happens. lol.

The simple pickup guys say that texting is not as effective as calling. But this is a very individual preference. Texting has worked well for me in the past and this generation is the texting generation. A lot of people find calling _intrusive_ (count me as one of those people. ADD generation) and don't want you running up their minutes (I have an unlimited airtime plan. But I still don't like being tied up on the phone very long because I'm a multi-tasker and don't like to devote my attention entirely to one person). And not everyone has the same cellphone plan so you can't really tell when someone has unlimited airtime or not. Meanwhile unlimited texting plans are cheap.

Perhaps she found some better looking guy on OkCupid (I noticed she's been active on there still) and has shifted focus. Most guys can't even last 10 minutes before they cum so any vagina will do for just about any guy. Men have almost no standards. So even a Magic Mike look-a-like would probably still get with her (even though she may be a 5 or 6 in the looks department) so that he can get some easy sex, hit it and quit it. Meanwhile a decent guy who is looking for a good woman to have a relationship with gets played. Even for a Magic Mike-esque guy, pulling a 8-10 or even a 7 takes effort. I've seen very sexy guys on a hookup site hook up with women who looked like abortions (I showed a female friend an example of one of these women and she agrees that she looks atrocious). There should be a government-imposed tax every time a man has sex with a woman way below his standard. This happens way too often. Men have no standards. They have sex with anything with a vagina. It should be called the Grenade-Free America (Canada) Tax.


----------



## Barette

God forbid an ugly woman sleep with an attractive man. It's not like women enjoy sex and just want to get off with an attractive guy. Those very sexy men are despicable for allowing themselves to sleep with the worthless creature, otherwise known as the ugly woman.


----------



## nautilus

Barette said:


> God forbid an ugly woman sleep with an attractive man. It's not like women enjoy sex and just want to get off with an attractive guy. Those very sexy men are despicable for allowing themselves to sleep with the worthless creature, otherwise known as the ugly woman.


^ Thirded


----------



## squall78

So I feel like I can get to the opening, talking, and rapport, just not the damn closing.

I was just at a bank trying to get a loan for my car and this 8/10 Moldavian chick was helping me out. I felt we exchanged enough information about each other and being we are both immigrants it built a common bond. The problem is I am a girl when it comes to the close. It just felt so awkward going from talking about what we are doing for the New Years to getting her number, especially if this was a business transaction where she is forced to be nice to me. 

Anyway this is the next level in moving forward, getting numbers and showing intent.


----------



## rymo

Uh boy..I hope this thread doesn't get closed for inappropriate language. NO ONE MENTION THREESOME.

Oops.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> Uh boy..I hope this thread doesn't get closed for inappropriate language. NO ONE MENTION THREESOME.
> 
> Oops.


seriously man dont risk this thread

have you thought about our next challange


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> seriously man dont risk this thread
> 
> have you thought about our next challange


I'm thinking it would be easier to start the next challenge after Thanksgiving week, but I'll see. I'll post something tomorrow either way.


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> God forbid an ugly woman sleep with an attractive man. It's not like women enjoy sex and just want to get off with an attractive guy. Those very sexy men are despicable for allowing themselves to sleep with the worthless creature, otherwise known as the ugly woman.


when guys have sex with girls below their level, it gets to their head. exhibit A: the girl who is stalking me. i banged an "ugly girl" and she ended up being some stage five clinger psycho stalker. I treated her like crap (because i didnt want a relationship with her) and yet she still wanted me because she found me attractive and loved the sex. Girls like that should not be encouraged. It sends the message that a girl can just stuff her face with Bon bons and open up her legs and she can have sex with a handsome man. There is no incentive for women to better themselves.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> when guys have sex with girls below their level, it gets to their head. exhibit A: the girl who is stalking me. i banged an "ugly girl" and she ended up being some stage five clinger psycho stalker. I treated her like crap (because i didnt want a relationship with her) and yet she still wanted me because she found me attractive and loved the sex. Girls like that should not be encouraged. It sends the message that a girl can just stuff her face with Bon bons and open up her legs and she can have sex with a handsome man. There is no incentive for women to better themselves.


Bon bons lol. Man you need to stop generalizing so much. Also if you're not attracted to a certain type of girl, you don't need to waste so much energy thinking about them. Who cares? Just focus on who you do like.


----------



## bsd3355

squall78 said:


> Anyway this is the next level in moving forward, getting numbers and showing intent.


Hell yeah. Just do it. Say anything. Ask for the number or date. If you don't, all that time talking to that girl does NOTHING.


----------



## bsd3355

Maaaannnnnn.....

I am 50/50 going to a bar tonight. I am debating.

All I know is every day is an opportunity and I can't waste my weekend doing nothing. Even though I don't want to go I can make it fast. I can go in to a few bars during peek times and just approach, approach then bounce to another bar and approach, approach lol then go home. I really don't want to stay long. Ideally, I just want 2#s then bounce.

P.S.
That girl I went on a date with last saturday has been texting me. I can tell she wants me to hang out with her, but I'm not feeling it with her, I have to be honest. I only bring this up because it proves that you can approach girls anywhere and start dating or relationships. If I go out tonight I can meet an amazing girl, ya never know. I really don't want to spend too much time in the bars though...

P.S.S.
I really, really need to step it up. Once again, my goal is 8 numbers a week; 2 dates a week. I HAVE to step it up!


----------



## Barette

phoenixwright said:


> when guys have sex with girls below their level, it gets to their head. exhibit A: the girl who is stalking me. i banged an "ugly girl" and she ended up being some stage five clinger psycho stalker. I treated her like crap (because i didnt want a relationship with her) and yet she still wanted me because she found me attractive and loved the sex. Girls like that should not be encouraged. It sends the message that a girl can just stuff her face with Bon bons and open up her legs and she can have sex with a handsome man. There is no incentive for women to better themselves.


I see that your one experience = all women everywhere.

And also, I see that women bettering themselves equates to looking nicer and not convincing attractive men into falling in their bon bon filled vaginas. And I'm glad to know that the ultimate prize in life is sex with a handsome man, but that I can never achieve it because I'm ugly and would turn into a bunny boiler if I ever did.

But that's all I'll say, I won't start anything and derail the thread.


----------



## nautilus

Barette said:


> I see that your one experience = all women everywhere.


Sadly I see many posts with that attitude. I'm starting to get the impression that they will rarely take what I have to say into account, regardless of how I phrase it. Try to knock some sense into them and they'll rant more strongly. Calmly and patiently present a different view and they'll ignore it entirely. So, benefit of the doubt the first time, then sit back and be entertained if it comes to nothing (I say hypocritically while making a post about it, lol).



bwidger85 said:


> Maaaannnnnn.....
> 
> I am 50/50 going to a bar tonight. I am debating.
> 
> All I know is every day is an opportunity and I can't waste my weekend doing nothing. Even though I don't want to go I can make it fast. I can go in to a few bars during peek times and just approach, approach then bounce to another bar and approach, approach lol then go home. I really don't want to stay long. Ideally, I just want 2#s then bounce.


Go for it! Making compromises every once in a while isn't a bad idea either (like only staying a short time). When I'm trying to motivate myself to do something, I find that it can't be maximum unpleasantness 24/7. Apparently willpower alone is only effective in the short term.


----------



## rymo

nautilus said:


> Sadly I see many posts with that attitude. I'm starting to get the impression that they will rarely take what I have to say into account, regardless of how I phrase it. Try to knock some sense into them and they'll rant more strongly. Calmly and patiently present a different view and they'll ignore it entirely. So, benefit of the doubt the first time, then sit back and be entertained if it comes to nothing (I say hypocritically while making a post about it, lol).


It can be frustrating, but believe me - your posts are insightful and much appreciated.


----------



## bsd3355

nautilus said:


> Go for it! Making compromises every once in a while isn't a bad idea either (like only staying a short time). When I'm trying to motivate myself to do something, I find that it can't be maximum unpleasantness 24/7. Apparently willpower alone is only effective in the short term.


Ah, I probably won't go out. I don't want to deal with it tonight. I'd rather do college approaches.

I hate flip-flopping, but w/e.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I'm thinking it would be easier to start the next challenge after Thanksgiving week, but I'll see. I'll post something tomorrow either way.


or you could do it tommorrow, and make it a 2 week deadline

momentum is everything


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> or you could do it tommorrow, and make it a 2 week deadline
> 
> momentum is everything


Yup, considering that.


----------



## nautilus

rymo said:


> It can be frustrating, but believe me - your posts are insightful and much appreciated.


Thanks  Yeah, I just have to keep reminding myself you can't win 'em all. So long as I can help a few people at least, I'll be happy. Looking forward to the next challenge, btw!


----------



## phoenixwright

No the girl on OkCupid is not "ugly". Her body type is not to my taste but she is not ugly. She has a pretty face (well depending on the photo, her face could be beautiful or homely) and it's not like she's obese. The stalker girl is definitely ugly (I was ashamed to be seen with her in public). I hit that when I was in a dark place of my life. lol. I had a female friend look over the text conversation I had with the OkCupid girl (I promised myself that I wouldn't bother analyzing these things but I was so pissed off because it was another case of me giving someone that I wasn't all that keen on physically a chance and her seeming eager, finding me attractive, etc. and then her going stone cold on me. So I tried to force myself to keep an open mind. At the same time though it's been my experience that women generally don't similarly keep an open mind and they make it "game over" for a guy within an instant if he "makes the wrong move". And this is always something that irritates me about the dating dynamic. I said to my friend: "**** your gender, lol". It's frustrating.

Apparently I came off in my text conversations with the girl as if I wasn't interested in her. All of the conversation was about myself (note that there wasn't a whole lot of exchanges. Two short conversations. In each conversation, 3 texts from me, 2 from her) except the very last text (which she did not reply to). I didn't really ask her anything about herself. In the last text I asked her if she followed the Degrassi series on Netflix (since she mentioned loving Netflix in the previous convo and her liking of Degrassi in a OKCupid message). I figured this would score me brownie points because it would show that I actually pay attention to what she says. But my female friend says that this is a bad question to ask a girl early on. That I should be asking her questions about herself. 

And that Degrassi is a "girly show" (first off, it's the old-school 80s/early 90s series. Which isn't girly. And even then the Next-Gen show ain't bad. At least up until season 7. And second, why the hell should it matter if I like a "girly show" or not? I shouldn't have to be someone that I'm not in order to get a girl. After all I'm doing this for the purpose of trying to form a connection with a woman. Not to get laid. And apparently it was a cardinal sin when I said "im on my lunch break at work. just killing time" in response to her asking me what's up (after I had asked her). That made it seem like I saw talking to her as "killing time" and that I wasn't really interested in talking with her.

The more that I get advice from people and get feedback about what I'm doing wrong, the more that I dislike the opposite sex! lol. It's absolutely ridiculous that a girl would just ignore texts because she would ASSUME that I'm not interested her and ASSUME I have no interest in getting to know her or possibly think that it's weird that I would ask her about a tv show early on or that it's too girly of a show for a guy to like. Why do women have to be annoying like this?! lol. It's easier for me to interpret the convoluted posted parking sign rules in Toronto than to understand these creatures.

My friend thinks that I should text the girl again and ask her out to coffee or something. Maybe even qualifying it by saying that it's much easier to get to know someone in-person than online. I told her that I didn't feel like it because it would probably "inflate her head" if I kept trying with her (my reasoning being that if she sees that a cute guy is being persistent with her, she's going to develop this belief that she is entitled to an even better looking guy). She assured me that any girl that looked like her (overweight) would never have an inflated ego. They are self-conscious. That girls like that can get laid by handsome guys easily. But they can tell when they are being used (or they will learn eventually if they haven't yet) and what they want is a guy who will stick around.

At the same time though, assuming that I did turn things around and we went on dates, I worry that I'll give her a chance, it'll lead to sex down the road, she'll get emotionally involved but then I'll find myself not satisfied enough to commit (I could easily see myself thinking about the grass being greener on the other side. Because of the weight thing. Which I feel awful about. But I could get into a position mentally where I'll wish I had a slimmer girlfriend or miss the escorts. lol. Ok yes I know I am thinking way, way, way down the road here (!) but I don't want to look like that douchebag that takes advantage of a girl. It's not worth it. I'm not doing this to get laid. But I feel shallow and picky (at the same time though it's not like women are any less shallow and picky than guys. Often more so. They're just more picky about other things like money and social status) Like I don't expect a model or anything. But you know how it is. And I wish weight wasn't that much of an issue. But I know it could irk me for eg. knowing that my older brother (who looks almost like my twin) has a more attractive, fit wife (and he's no longer fit himself! lol. He let himself go after a certain point. He's not obese or anything. But he's had high cholesterol) and I "settled" for less.


----------



## komorikun

^^ can we see her profile?


----------



## Barette

I don't understand how it's her fault for assuming you weren't interested, when a girl told you distinctly that you were coming off as disinterested. Isn't it a good sign that she stopped messaging when you seemed like you didn't want to talk to her, since you're worried about girls becoming obsessed with you?

And if you don't want someone overweight then I wouldn't date her, and I'd find someone you don't need to debate with yourself about whether or not she's attractive. If you keep yourself fit, then there's no reason to feel guilty about wanting that in your partner. You can't help what you're not attracted to, and you shouldn't force yourself into seeing a girl if you find a part of her appearance unappealing. That'd just lead to resentment. If you tell her you just want to casual date her, nothing serious, then you wouldn't need to feel guilty for leading her on if she became more emotionally invested than you.


----------



## komorikun

Sometimes I can tell that a guy isn't that interested and is just looking for easy sex. If the guy is very attractive I might go for it but if not I just stop responding. You do sound like you aren't that interested and maybe it is a waste of her time to go on a date with someone who isn't showing the right signs.


----------



## phoenixwright

Another thing too is that I'm going through a stage of self-reflection and trying to understand what it is that I want. I've grown up in a society that tells you that a romantic relationship is the greatest thing that you can ever experience and that it's so wonderful and everything and will change your life drastically for the better and make you happy. But I don't know if that's how reality is for me specifically. I evaluate all of my social relationships and realize that I don't love anyone and that I don't value my friends and family. I care more about what they can do for me rather than what I can do for them. A friend of mine tied me up on the phone the other day twice for 20+ minutes and it felt like torture. I feel so selfish. But I feel like I should have a natural desire to actually give a **** about people. And not feel obligated to give a **** about people so that they can do something helpful for me in return.

It really is uncomfortable for someone to come to terms with the possibility that they are a natural jerk who lacks empathy. I don't think my brain is actually capable of anything but superficial-level relationships. But at the same time I think that maybe everyone else is also a natural jerk. But that they are in denial and they follow the necessary social obligations. When I haven't even had a real connection with a friend or family member, how can I expect to have one with a girlfriend? And whatever happiness I've ever had from a girl was related directly to how she made me feel about myself. Narcissism. I'm too self-conscious and probably have too much of a conscience to qualify for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And I am too self-conscious (I do care about what other people think of me) to have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I did get diagnosed as a child with high-functioning autism (kind of like Asperger's. But another doctor at the time thought it was a misdiagnosis) and apparently people with autism often have a lack of empathy.



Barette said:


> I don't understand how it's her fault for assuming you weren't interested, when a girl told you distinctly that you were coming off as disinterested. Isn't it a good sign that she stopped messaging when you seemed like you didn't want to talk to her, since you're worried about girls becoming obsessed with you?
> 
> And if you don't want someone overweight then I wouldn't date her, and I'd find someone you don't need to debate with yourself about whether or not she's attractive. If you keep yourself fit, then there's no reason to feel guilty about wanting that in your partner. You can't help what you're not attracted to, and you shouldn't force yourself into seeing a girl if you find a part of her appearance unappealing. That'd just lead to resentment. If you tell her you just want to casual date her, nothing serious, then you wouldn't need to feel guilty for leading her on if she became more emotionally invested than you.


Yeah I get the impression that she's not psycho. Which is good. lol.

As for the me seeming not interested thing, a big part of that was because I was rigidly following a "text for text" rule. Because I didn't want to appear too eager (I have been burned before for being too eager). Plus I think that things should be 50/50 and that the guy shouldn't do all the work. In my first text I'd ask her how she was or what was up. And she'd respond and ask me the same question. And I'd reply. But then she'd ask a follow-up question and then I'd reply and then the conversation would just die there. And the short conversation up until that point is pretty much all about myself.


----------



## bsd3355

Random thought:

We need to view a reward in taking action or we will often not take action. Maybe that's why you aren't taking action


----------



## Cyclonic

Madax said:


> I don't know what it is about tonight, but I'm pumping with confidence and energy. I don't want to get my hopes up but I feel like tonight's the night.
> 
> I feel like a different man tonight, and I'm gonna ride it out as far as I can.


That night didn't turn out as well as I had hope. In fact, I physically felt worse (not a bad thing, just wasn't as good) last night, but felt like I had a better night overall (still sore).

I think the next logical step is interacting with girls on the dance floor. I'm just freaked out that they'll give me some strange look and walk away.


----------



## Cyclonic

Just got a message on OKC...simply says "hello"

I'm already stuck, I feel like I don't have much to work with.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> Just got a message on OKC...simply says "hello"
> 
> I'm already stuck, I feel like I don't have much to work with.


look at her profile, respond with something related to it.


----------



## Cyclonic

rymo said:


> look at her profile, respond with something related to it.


I know, but it feels like an instant turn-off when I get these types of first messages.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> I know, but it feels like an instant turn-off when I get these types of first messages.


Agreed. Though it's great that someone initiated with you, that doesn't happen often for guys.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Random thought:
> 
> We need to view a reward in taking action or we will often not take action. Maybe that's why you aren't taking action


I do take action. Just not to the degree that you guys do. The point still remains regardless that I'm not seeing the reward in taking action and don't feel motivated to.

Like I could do as my friend suggested and ask that girl out to coffee and go on a date and see what happens. But I feel a disconnect with people (not just dates/potential dates or women specifically) on a fundamental level. I don't feel close with anyone. And when I feel what resembles "closeness" with someone, it's in a selfish way. Like I might vent to a friend about how I'm feeling. But then not feel genuine concern for them. That's why I feel like I could never own a dog. I'm affectionate with dogs. But I'm too lazy to want to take them out for walks and have to "work at it".

And my mom just won't ever shut up about how she hopes she can see her future daughter-in-law before she dies (she has health issues). And hopefully grandchildren. I told her "shut the **** up" recently (yes I'm aware that's disrespectful. But I felt like I had to express myself) because I'm fed up with having to hear this from her. I don't think those things are going to happen and that life may not even be right for me. My mom can't comprehend what I'm going through mentally. If I could tell her "I'm gay", that would be something she could understand. But I don't think she can "understand" what I mean about how I feel a disconnect with people and to a certain extent I feel like I have schizoid (not to be mistaken for schizophrenia) and narcissistic traits. But at the same time I have a moral compass (I feel guilt about how I feel) and I do care about what other people think of me (I may feel neutral about someone but still feel hurt if they laugh at me or think I'm a loser or whatever).

I could watch human social relationships in action from a third-person perspective and feel emotionally involved in the story of the characters (ie. movies, tv shows, video games, novels, song lyrics, etc.) A touching moment can make me cry and I might yearn for having a similar connection in real-life. For eg. Themes with romantic or familial love, friendship, death of a loved one, etc. But I never feel these things in real-life relationships with anyone. Whatever emotional closeness I feel with someone is always rooted in narcissism (I don't have Narcissist PD though). It's not real. I want it to be real. But it's not. It's always about how a girl makes me feel.

Either everyone is selfish and just lying to themselves. Or I am cognitively wired to have a empathy deficit. Or I have deeply rooted defense mechanisms stemming from being bullied as a child. Or I could just have Asperger's and have a corresponding lack of empathy.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I do take action. Just not to the degree that you guys do. The point still remains regardless that I'm not seeing the reward in taking action and don't feel motivated to.
> 
> Like I could do as my friend suggested and ask that girl out to coffee and go on a date and see what happens. But I feel a disconnect with people (not just dates/potential dates or women specifically) on a fundamental level. I don't feel close with anyone. And when I feel what resembles "closeness" with someone, it's in a selfish way. Like I might vent to a friend about how I'm feeling. But then not feel genuine concern for them. That's why I feel like I could never own a dog. I'm affectionate with dogs. But I'm too lazy to want to take them out for walks and have to "work at it".


If you're too lazy to work on yourself, you won't grow as a person and become more susceptible to feeling real closeness with a human being. If that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what to tell ya.


----------



## mattigummi

Umm, I was looking at my crush's formspring, and she responded to this question 'What is the most turn off about guys/girls?', with 'Dudes at same age'

Am I ****ed? I don't understand how that is a turn off... How can anyone think like this, 'no not him/her, s/he's at same age as me.'? I just can't believe that out of all things, my age is the thing that would turn her off.


----------



## Zeeshan

OMG

I am at the library, and the woman next to me who is like 3 at best, had her BF come over and give her cofee (They kissed hello and goodbye mouth)

He was like good looking. And i wouldnt say that about guys, but i am just confused ;s, how did that happen.


----------



## Zeeshan

mattigummi said:


> Umm, I was looking at my crush's formspring, and she responded to this question 'What is the most turn off about guys/girls?', with 'Dudes at same age'
> 
> Am I ****ed? I don't understand how that is a turn off... How can anyone think like this, 'no not him/her, s/he's at same age as me.'? I just can't believe that out of all things, my age is the thing that would turn her off.


Some women see the age ladder as an attempt to climb the social ladder.

E.G, a guy in his late twenties is more likely to be earning more, as oppose to someone who is in school

but i think this is more about maturity then age, so act mature with her


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I do take action. Just not to the degree that you guys do. The point still remains regardless that I'm not seeing the reward in taking action and don't feel motivated to.
> 
> Like I could do as my friend suggested and ask that girl out to coffee and go on a date and see what happens. But I feel a disconnect with people (not just dates/potential dates or women specifically) on a fundamental level. I don't feel close with anyone. And when I feel what resembles "closeness" with someone, it's in a selfish way. Like I might vent to a friend about how I'm feeling. But then not feel genuine concern for them. That's why I feel like I could never own a dog. I'm affectionate with dogs. But I'm too lazy to want to take them out for walks and have to "work at it".
> 
> And my mom just won't ever shut up about how she hopes she can see her future daughter-in-law before she dies (she has health issues). And hopefully grandchildren. I told her "shut the **** up" recently (yes I'm aware that's disrespectful. But I felt like I had to express myself) because I'm fed up with having to hear this from her. I don't think those things are going to happen and that life may not even be right for me. My mom can't comprehend what I'm going through mentally. If I could tell her "I'm gay", that would be something she could understand. But I don't think she can "understand" what I mean about how I feel a disconnect with people and to a certain extent I feel like I have schizoid (not to be mistaken for schizophrenia) and narcissistic traits. But at the same time I have a moral compass (I feel guilt about how I feel) and I do care about what other people think of me (I may feel neutral about someone but still feel hurt if they laugh at me or think I'm a loser or whatever).
> 
> I could watch human social relationships in action from a third-person perspective and feel emotionally involved in the story of the characters (ie. movies, tv shows, video games, novels, song lyrics, etc.) A touching moment can make me cry and I might yearn for having a similar connection in real-life. For eg. Themes with romantic or familial love, friendship, death of a loved one, etc. But I never feel these things in real-life relationships with anyone. Whatever emotional closeness I feel with someone is always rooted in narcissism (I don't have Narcissist PD though). It's not real. I want it to be real. But it's not. It's always about how a girl makes me feel.
> 
> Either everyone is selfish and just lying to themselves. Or I am cognitively wired to have a empathy deficit. Or I have deeply rooted defense mechanisms stemming from being bullied as a child. Or I could just have Asperger's and have a corresponding lack of empathy.


Everything on earth is selfish. We only do things for selfish reasons--everything from eating, sleeping, dating, religion, charity, etc., is done for selfish reasons. Does this make the reasons bad? No. For example, you get into a relationship with someone because YOU selfishly desire it, but in return you treat that person with a higher sense of love than anyone else does. Is this bad selfishness? No. The notion that selfishness is "bad" is wrong because everything we do is done for selfish reasons but yet that selfishness still creates happiness for yourself and those who you care about. The reason you hate selfishness is so you can respect yourself more, and even that is a selfish reason.

Beyond all this selfish talk, you CANNOT help but feel a connection with someone over a period of time whether that connection is bad or good given a certain level of personal intimacy is involved. With that said, if you start dating someone, over a period of time there will be created a bond if you two value each other, and so your notion of not being able to love or to cherish or bond with someone is impossible unless you are a sociopath.

I would argue that the reason some people discard the feeling of loved ones through cheating or something like that is because they do not value the person they are with enough (or they are misguided in thinking doing something to hurt their partner isn't as bad as it will play out). Both reasons for either staying or leaving that person is done for selfish reasons. You stay because you truly care about that person and their well-being because you cherish them as a person (a selfish thing), or you leave and discard your partner's feelings, etc., because you are selfish and you do not value the person to a certain degree (also selfish). With that said, selfishness can be either a good or bad thing and not just a bad thing. And why wouldn't it be a good thing? Everything we do is for selfish reasons but yet there can still be "goodness" attached to that. Selfishness can be good or bad depending on your motives.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> If you're too lazy to work on yourself, you won't grow as a person and become more susceptible to feeling real closeness with a human being. If that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what to tell ya.


What do you mean by working on myself? I have forced myself to be more social within the past year and it's just not working out for me. It's like telling a guy who is gay or asexual that he can become straight if he gives it a good old college try. I know that you hadn't even held a girl's hand until you are 24. But you probably had some quality connections with family and friends until then. What was missing in your life up until then was a quality connection with a woman. I don't have any of that period with anyone. I don't really care for people. I care about what they can do for me (ie. I might vent about something with a friend but then feel frustrated if they tie me up on the phone for 20+ minutes talking about stuff going on in their lives). There is something off about my brain's wiring or some other issue. I have some sort of lack of empathy/empathy deficit I think. Or maybe everyone is selfish and all relationships are shallow and people don't want to admit that to themselves.

The bottom line I guess is I'm trying to figure out what I am, why I am the way that I am and what I can do to change if possible whilst still being authentic. If I am to form relationships with people (not just romantic relationships but friends) I want to genuinely care for them. I don't want to be in this situation I'm in where I want something from them and I do favours of them out of social obligation to get what I want. That seems disingenuous and fake of me. And I don't want to "fall" for a girl for the wrong reasons again. ie. Because of how she makes me feel about myself and other narcissistic reasons. I want to have genuine relationships because I have been socially engineered by society to believe that this is the road to happiness. I witness these things from a third-person view and think that this is what I want. But I don't know if I'm capable of having them. I feel guilty when I'm talking with someone and then maybe confide in them about something and then they start to feel like we're close and confide in me about their stuff and then I have to fake it. I may be more inclined to listen to a cute girl talk about herself. But that's only in hopes that she would admire me for being so thoughtful and that her admiration of me would feed my narcissistic demons.

It's a feeling of living 27 years of your life (though things might have been different in my early years) and feeling like you've fooled yourself and the people around you. And feeling ultimately like a fraud. Looking back at your life and not knowing what was real or when things were real. It's almost like coming out of the closet after thinking you were straight all this time but knowing something was off except it's not a gay thing.


----------



## Zeeshan

On a much lighter note, what is with women mentioning traveling on their online dating profile, like seriously, I dont think i have read a single one without mentioning travel.

I love to travel
I have been all over
I backpacked across asia

like youd think that all people do is travel. Its really annoying, i think most of them are lying anyways,


----------



## mattigummi

Zeeshan said:


> Some women see the age ladder as an attempt to climb the social ladder.
> 
> E.G, a guy in his late twenties is more likely to be earning more, as oppose to someone who is in school
> 
> but i think this is more about maturity then age, so act mature with her


That's a good guess, but she doesn't seem to all to mature herself.

But I got my friend to comment on that response with 'wuut?', and she said 'If he and I are at the same age, it's an automatic turn-off'

WTF?!....

Got my friend to ask her why, waiting for her to reply now.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> . There is something off about my brain's wiring or some other issue. I have some sort of lack of empathy/empathy deficit I think. Or maybe everyone is selfish and all relationships are shallow and people don't want to admit that to themselves.
> 
> The bottom line I guess is I'm trying to figure out what I am, why I am the way that I am and what I can do to change if possible whilst still being authentic. If I am to form relationships with people (not just romantic relationships but friends) I want to genuinely care for them. I don't want to be in this situation I'm in where I want something from them and I do favours of them out of social obligation to get what I want. That seems disingenuous and fake of me. And I don't want to "fall" for a girl for the wrong reasons again. ie. Because of how she makes me feel about myself and other narcissistic reasons. I want to have genuine relationships because I have been socially engineered by society to believe that this is the road to happiness. I witness these things from a third-person view and think that this is what I want. But I don't know if I'm capable of having them. I feel guilty when I'm talking with someone and then maybe confide in them about something and then they start to feel like we're close and confide in me about their stuff and then I have to fake it. I may be more inclined to listen to a cute girl talk about herself. But that's only in hopes that she would admire me for being so thoughtful and that her admiration of me would feed my narcissistic demons.
> 
> It's a feeling of living 27 years of your life (though things might have been different in my early years) and feeling like you've fooled yourself and the people around you. And feeling ultimately like a fraud. Looking back at your life and not knowing what was real or when things were real. It's almost like coming out of the closet after thinking you were straight all this time but knowing something was off except it's not a gay thing.


I know that feel man, but at the end of the day you are what you are. Why would you feel like a fraud though, to whom. Shame is a social emotion,


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> I know that feel man, but at the end of the day you are what you are. Why would you feel like a fraud though, to whom. Shame is a social emotion,


To myself.

I remember my manager's wife in a work dinner once saying to me, "do you want to see [picture of someone's baby girl on her Blackberry] or do you even care?" The truth is, I really didn't care. lol. When I compare myself to other people who have social anxiety up-close-and-personal, the others have a genuine interest in other people and like socializing. They are just held back by their social anxiety. I just don't have that interest in others. If I want to talk with other people, it's usually to talk about some issue I want to talk about or about myself. Multiple friends and family members have told me that they feel like I don't care about them. It's like they shame me into caring. But I feel that this desire should come from within, not out of obligation. I've no real interest in other people's lives.

I'm not sure why my I am the way that I am. As a child, I did put in some effort to make some friends. After all in those days there wasn't much I could do to occupy myself (I couldn't buy video games very often because I didn't work, no internet, there was no Netflix, no torrents, etc.) But from what I can recall, I was using people in those social relationships or our relationships were based on something shallow like video games, playing hockey, etc. It's not like I had any real interest in them as a person or their lives. I don't think I've ever actually developed true empathy. It's hard for me to discuss this with people I know in real-life because then it would be like essentially admitting that I don't care about them. The only time I ever take an interest in someone's life is when she's a cute female whom I hope is going to make me happily ever after in some fairytale romance. lol. But that is basically liking the idea of being in love (there are chemicals in your brain that get released that are similar to getting high). Not necessarily loving a person.

It's a situation where I thought I knew what I wanted. Society tells you that friendships and romantic relationships are the way to happiness. And then figuring out that this may not be what is right for you. It's something that is hard to accept when you believed one way your whole life. I could try going on a date with that girl. But after 27 years of living, am I going to magically start caring about her life when up until now I haven't cared about anyone's life but my own? This girl that I once fell hard for with once recently contacted me. And even though I felt that I deeply cared about her at the time, I didn't anymore because I knew that we would never be an item. I didn't care about her as a person. I cared about how she made me feel. I'm not a sociopath and it's not just about social anxiety but there is something else that is off about my wiring. I didn't develop proper socialization and empathy as a child either due to traumatic events (bullying since I was 4) or natural biological predisposition. Or maybe it's an Asperger's thing.


----------



## Barette

Honestly from the way you describe it, you don't sound unusual at all. Maybe in actuality it's as bad as you say it is, but most people are like that. I'm like that. People I know are like that. My entire family is like that. I've had friends like that. You really don't sound abnormal to me.


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## Zeeshan

well i for one am frustrated more then ever, and am really hoping the frustration leads to change. really hoping


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> Honestly from the way you describe it, you don't sound unusual at all. Maybe in actuality it's as bad as you say it is, but most people are like that. I'm like that. People I know are like that. My entire family is like that. I've had friends like that. You really don't sound abnormal to me.


yea maybe this is just a fact of life. Where everyone really doesn't really care about the lives of others. They just pretend to care out of social obligation to get what they want. Ie. if you want someone to confide in, you have to be willing to listen to them when they confide in you too. But in reality people just don't care. They see it as an obligation.

What's the goal of social interaction? Is it to get people to like us? What is this "connecting" business then? Is it merely to satisfy our egos?

I feel like its all fake to me. I see friends building "rapport" with each other in bars, families getting together, couples being lovey dovey with each other, couples getting married, having babies, etc. it this all about wanting to be liked and satisfying one's ego? Are we just primitive animals following some instinctual desire to be liked and reproduce? And we just fake it to get what we want? When we don't feel like listening or doing a favour for the "loved ones" in our lives, do we only do it so that they will help us when we are at a time in need?


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> yea maybe this is just a fact of life. Where everyone really doesn't really care about the lives of others. They just pretend to care out of social obligation to get what they want. Ie. if you want someone to confide in, you have to be willing to listen to them when they confide in you too. But in reality people just don't care. They see it as an obligation.
> 
> What's the goal of social interaction? Is it to get people to like us? What is this "connecting" business then? Is it merely to satisfy our egos?


As far as I can tell, to learn new things (and subsequently grow as a person, and thus become more empathetic and caring), to have fun, to fall in love, to network, to share common interests, and to just generally enrich our lives and the lives of others.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> if you want someone to confide in, you have to be willing to listen to them when they confide in you too.
> 
> *Seems like a fair deal to me boss


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> Honestly from the way you describe it, you don't sound unusual at all. Maybe in actuality it's as bad as you say it is, but most people are like that. I'm like that. People I know are like that. My entire family is like that. I've had friends like that. You really don't sound abnormal to me.





rymo said:


> As far as I can tell, to learn new things (and subsequently grow as a person, and thus become more empathetic and caring), to have fun, to fall in love, to network, to share common interests, and to just generally enrich our lives and the lives of others.


I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. It's like we have two different brains. I dont blame you. Most dont understand. Have you ever identified with any of the thoughts I expressed?


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. It's like we have two different brains. I dont blame you. Most dont understand. Have you ever identified with any of the thoughts I expressed?


Absolutely, but I was telling you what I thought the true purpose of social interaction was, not what I was necessarily feeling. What I described is what I strive for, not necessarily what I am at the moment.


----------



## Barette

phoenixwright said:


> I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. It's like we have two different brains. I dont blame you. Most dont understand. Have you ever identified with any of the thoughts I expressed?


Yes I have had those thoughts, quite often.
My one old friend has Asperger's, and we were at a school thing where the speaker was talking about how his friend had gotten raped, just for a few minute, and she started crying. I asked if it was triggering something for her, and she said no, she just felt so bad for his friend having to go through that. It seemed like pure empathy, and I was taken aback by it. That's not how most people are.
You said you get invested in characters in movies, and feel bad when they go through bad experiences. I don't think you'd be without empathy then. I'm not in your mind so maybe I'm entirely wrong, but it sounds to me you overthink. Sometimes when we're in social isolation, or with the anxiety, it makes us feel on the outside, and we begin overthinking normal things and making them feel abnormal. 
Again, I could be entirely wrong.


----------



## Ivan AG

Man, I'm getting really good at just opening up around people and being funny, spontaneous, etc. but when it comes to "closing the deal" with a girl so to speak, I'm just frozen/paralyzed.

I mean it's an improvement cause even a few months ago I wasn't able to open up to girls and joke around/tease them *at all*, but I just don't know how to take that next step.

Even though I've come far, I still get those really old thoughts/beliefs that I'm a creeper/weirdo for even thinking about being in a relationship with them.

It's like "Who the hell are YOU to show interest in girls?".


----------



## MrQuiet76

I think I'm getting closer to a breakthrough. The other day I was waiting in a hallway and saw an attractive woman sitting there. Now I had met this girl once before in passing but had never actually talked to her and I knew from meeting her that she had a boyfriend, but I initiated a conversation with her and just talked to her for about 20 consecutive minutes. I actually felt natural! I think I was able to do it because I didn't feel so much pressure talking to her... I found her attractive but since I knew I couldn't date her or anything, there wasn't pressure on me. Now if I could transfer this mindset to the occasions where Im around single girls


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok now that OkCupid girl texted me tonight. lol. I'll never "get" chicks. lol. She was ignoring me and now she texts me two days later? lol. It's hard to tell how good it's going via text messaging. Whether she appreciates my humour or not. She stopped messaging but she just could be busy now.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Ok now that OkCupid girl texted me tonight. lol. I'll never "get" chicks. lol. She was ignoring me and now she texts me two days later? lol. It's hard to tell how good it's going via text messaging. Whether she appreciates my humour or not. She stopped messaging but she just could be busy now.


In my experience a woman is never busy too busy to text. Just doesnt happen i dont care what anyone say

If the text frequency goes from a lot to a little, its not because someone is busy, its because they dont want to text back.

She texted you two days later, id say her interest is very low. It could be the result of her finding someone else, then findig out what a loser he is, and then she says what is he upto.


----------



## Zeeshan

MrQuiet76 said:


> I think I'm getting closer to a breakthrough. The other day I was waiting in a hallway and saw an attractive woman sitting there. Now I had met this girl once before in passing but had never actually talked to her and I knew from meeting her that she had a boyfriend, but I initiated a conversation with her and just talked to her for about 20 consecutive minutes. I actually felt natural! I think I was able to do it because I didn't feel so much pressure talking to her... I found her attractive but since I knew I couldn't date her or anything, there wasn't pressure on me. Now if I could transfer this mindset to the occasions where Im around single girls


good for you,


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> In my experience a woman is never busy too busy to text. Just doesnt happen i dont care what anyone say
> 
> If the text frequency goes from a lot to a little, its not because someone is busy, its because they dont want to text back.
> 
> She texted you two days later, id say her interest is very low. It could be the result of her finding someone else, then findig out what a loser he is, and then she says what is he upto.


Well I asked her out for coffee and she agreed. lol. She gave me what days is good for her. There was a 25 min gap in my response (I was trying to come up with plans and was talking with a friend). I'm awaiting her response now.

If the chick had the attitude that you described above, I would next her. lol. A girl who has that kind of mindset is a turn-off.


----------



## bsd3355

_Random notes_

Wrong Mindset:
-This will be hard
-Rejection is a reflection of how worthy I am
-Not believing that success is possible

Right/successful mindset:
-This will be as hard as I make it
-Rejection is an inevitable part of success, just like how meeting someone I'm attracted to is inevitable if I keep approaching
-Believing that success is possible

If you have the wrong mindset then you will sabotage yourself over and over again and you will view it to be difficult. With the right/positive mindset you realize it is only as difficult as you make it to be and success is inevitable. You need to have the right mindset to stay in the game and win.

An example of wrong mindset would be viewing bars as difficult or as women as "*****y" or mean in bars. This mindset will make everything hard on you and you'll likely not have to drive nor energy to pursue it. However, with a positive mindset you only focus on success, and if it doesn't happen that night then it was an inevitable part of the game in general and it is only a matter of time before you get what you want. The "*****y" girls you forget about and don't care; the 5 rejections in a row doesn't matter; instead, you focus on all the positives: the nice girls you talked to, how you are being a "boss" and living your life, how it is inevitable you will succeed. Nothing else matters. Rejections are just something that happens before you succeed. There is no "batting average" because that is impossible in meeting random people.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Well I asked her out for coffee and she agreed. lol. She gave me what days is good for her. There was a 25 min gap in my response (I was trying to come up with plans and was talking with a friend). I'm awaiting her response now.
> 
> If the chick had the attitude that you described above, I would next her. lol. A girl who has that kind of mindset is a turn-off.


i guess it shows how little i know about communications with women.

Well hoping for you that she is a good match

:yes


----------



## Sourdog

Would it be weird to try to talk to random girls and get their numbers at my highschool?


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## bsd3355

been blowing days away..not very motivated


----------



## Ivan AG

Sourdog said:


> Would it be weird to try to talk to random girls and get their numbers at my highschool?


Naw, that's the basis of cold approaching innit?

It's hard, but I don't see anything weird about it.

Now, people will TRY and convince you otherwise but you have to break free from the groupthink. I've been watching a lot of RSD lately so I'm using their lingo a lot.


----------



## Sourdog

Ivan AG said:


> Naw, that's the basis of cold approaching innit?
> 
> It's hard, but I don't see anything weird about it.
> 
> Now, people will TRY and convince you otherwise but you have to break free from the groupthink. I've been watching a lot of RSD lately so I'm using their lingo a lot.


What is RSD? I have been watching alot of simplepickup and i'm getting in their mindset. Their videos are hilarious, but quite informative aswell


----------



## RelinquishedHell

This.


----------



## Ivan AG

Sourdog said:


> What is RSD? I have been watching alot of simplepickup and i'm getting in their mindset. Their videos are hilarious, but quite informative aswell



Real Social Dynamics.

Basically it's a pickup company run by Owen Cook AKA Tyler.

It has several coaches that do seminars/bootcamps/coaching/etc.

They have a YouTube channel on which they release free advice not just on women but on living a good life.

*Take some of their material with a grain of salt however.* Use what helps you. Discard the rest.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> been blowing days away..not very motivated


I know the feel bro


----------



## stoolie

A cute girl sat next to me on the train, I was standing beside her.
Managed to look at her, but looked away as she looked at me - like a boss. :/










This is so frustrating and ridiculous at the same time.


----------



## Zeeshan

Just found out yesterday this girl i was interested in has a BF. lousy, i could have totally had her too, :mum


----------



## bsd3355

Finally feel motivated. I feel like **** today. Went to local campus but was dead because of turkey day coming up. Ex-girlfriend is coming up from FL for thanksgiving. She invited me to go with her and her friends to the bars later. I probably won't do any approaching there obviously, but after I get done talking with them I might go to another bar and do some approaches. I'm a little nervous to go hang out with them, especially how I feel like crap but it does sound fun getting a little wasted I guess.

Nothing really changes but how we feel. We have to be mindful of this fact. In times of stress just know that it is us putting this pressure on ourselves. Hardly anything really changes--not the outside. I've been thinking about what I know when it comes to meeting women. I think I know pretty everything there is, because it's pretty common stuff really. I think the biggest lesson I learned was that I'm capable regardless and I learned a lot from rejection. Rejection used to be a big deal but now it isn't so much for me. My mindset has changed since getting success as well as rejected and approaching a lot. What does rejection matter if you know one of them will say yes eventually? It means hardly anything like it used to when you know you will win. I should of learned this lesson a long time ago but I was stuck online where the rejection rate is like 100:1, and even then it is hard to find someone you actually like physically and spiritually. Obviously, real life is different for me.

God, I feel like complete ****. Maybe I need to eat something with some substance because I feel completely wired with nervous anxious energy.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger, have you heard of "The Ultramind Solution" by Mark Hyman?

It's basically a nutrition bible on how the food we eat affects the way we feel and can cause a lot of the common mental disorders in the West (depression, anxiety, OCD).

Obviously there's much more to it than that but it's a big book.

I recommend you check it out.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> bwidger, have you heard of "The Ultramind Solution" by Mark Hyman?
> 
> It's basically a nutrition bible on how the food we eat affects the way we feel and can cause a lot of the common mental disorders in the West (depression, anxiety, OCD).
> 
> Obviously there's much more to it than that but it's a big book.
> 
> I recommend you check it out.


No, I haven't read it. Sounds interesting. For the most part, my diet is pretty bad


----------



## nautilus

stoolie said:


> A cute girl sat next to me on the train, I was standing beside her.
> Managed to look at her, but looked away as she looked at me - like a boss. :/


Yeah, I used to do that kind of thing a lot when I started trying to make eye contact with people. It still happens every once in a while. Usually I find myself thinking afterwards things like, "I didn't do that quite right, I should have smiled" or, "if they'd kept looking for just a split second longer I would have managed to smile". I think a combination of being nervous and it being a new type of situation makes my reflexes extremely sluggish. Trying to think of what to do in the moment slows me down, causing me to miss opportunities.

Keep practicing until you form new habits; eventually you'll act/react the way you want to automatically.


----------



## enfield

posting here.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> No, I haven't read it. Sounds interesting. For the most part, my diet is pretty bad


i dont believe in things like that.


----------



## enfield

well the American Standard Diet turns out to be pretty sub-optimal. But a close to optimal diet won't make miracles happen (usually). and a lot of the diets recommended for making miracles happen actually turn out themselves to be pretty sub-optimal.

but anything paleo is in the right direction.


----------



## Zeeshan

enfield said:


> well the American Standard Diet turns out to be pretty sub-optimal. But a close to optimal diet won't make miracles happen (usually). and a lot of the diets recommended for making miracles happen actually turn out themselves to be pretty sub-optimal.
> 
> but anything paleo is in the right direction.


meh you are INCHARGE of your life, eat what you want. :yes

and please can we not turn this BEAUTIFUL thread into some PUA commercials. Lets focus on REAL solutions to REAL problems,


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways i have been thinking, and i think i have nailed down one of my core issues. 

I want to know how to ask out a girl, without making it seem too serious, or like i am telling her i like her a lot. 

Like you know what i mean, i dont want it to be a big deal. Say there is a girl in your life, friend, classmate, co worker etc. you want to ask her out, but I want to make it look like that i am making a pass at her. 

I rather seem like i am trying to get laid rather then do it in a way like i am in love with her. I think because i have such a baby face, people assume that i have weak feelings, but i really am different then the appearance i convey.

More importantly, Scumbags, dirt bags, and men who just dont care ask out women in a very sexually agressive + obvious way. I think its easy to turn a sexual relationship into a romantic relationship, rather 

So when i ask out a girl, i would like to convey a very casual sexual feel to it, like i am okay if the answer is no cause i am just going to go after the next one rather then give the impression that i am hurt.

:yes what do you guys think


----------



## bsd3355

*Ex girlfriend meet up....*

Alright, so this one is going to be some personal **** as I just got done seeing me ex for a time absent. I just feeling like writing about it because it's strange to me...

Basically, she wanted to meet up and see each other with her friends. At first she wanted to eat dinner then go to the bars together, me her and her friends. I declined the dinner and told her I'd meet her at the bars as I knew I didn't give a **** to talk to her friends and it'd be boring as hell at the restaurant. So around 11pm we meet up at the bar and little conversation is made. She wants to converse with me but I really don't care to talk very much. Small talk has always been boring for me and her friends are ****ing watching me as if I need something grand to say--I'd prefer just me and her talk. I ask her if she misses ohio and she says "eh, I miss where I work and the farm but that's about it", but I didn't think too much of it. Her two friends with her is one guy she's known since forever who she is platonic with and her another girl who is gorgeous. I don't really care to talk to any of them and we don't connect at all through out the few hours we hung out. I end up leaving early because I feel like I'm just standing there. My ex is no different than when she left but I wasn't really enjoying myself. I did it most out of respect. I miss her but I really don't care about small talking in bars with her friends and **** and I didn't really care to be there.

Anyway, she texts me how she misses me after I get home and I say the same and it feels like it was something deep but I'm not sure. We get to texting a little later and it gets sexual with me teasing her about her "pushing my buttons" and me "temped to come over" but she replies with "i'm not pushing your buttons". At the end of our conversation via text it basically comes down to me open to fool around with her but her not wanting it right now as "she doesn't want feelings to happen before she leaves", and I feel like that is somewhat BS but I can't tell for sure. I told her I didn't expect anything long term as I know she's leaving for 2 years, so to me it sounds like she just isn't interested, but that's an assumption on my part. We never made it official when we were together but she sure as hell acted like we were together--texting me all the time, asking to hang out, sex, etc. Don't know if she met someone else down there or if she's serious about just not wanting to get attached before she leaves but she's only here for 3 days and it sounds bunk to me considering I told her I didn't expect anything serious from it. W/e.

It's just kind of ****ty thinking about it because I felt like the time we spend together was special, even though I told her I wasn't ready for relationship when we were dating. It's just ironic how some things can feel so powerful and then mean so little in the future. It is almost as if people cons themselves into the idea of "love" when in fact it is simply an infatuation or a fling of sexual encounters (and I mean this sincerely). I was truthful with her and told her that if we hang out while she's here I won't just see her as a platonic friend and that I'll view her sexually. She still insisted on just being friends as she didn't want to gt too attached while she was here. LOL. W/e. I mean, how am I supposed to take that? She's always been honest with me.

In the end I guess we weren't really meant to be anything too serious as the realtionship we had wasn't on specific terms even though it felt that way. I was seeing other girls when we first starting seeing each other and I even tried to break it off with her in the beginning because I knew I'd develop feelings for her and I wasn't ready for it but she pushed me into it further. She used to text me saying how much she missed me, etc., and I wonder how much of that was an insecure girl talking and not from a rational logical mind speaking from deep understanding?

After she told me she doesn't want anything sexual, and after me saying I find it nearly impossible not to view her as sexual and just platonic, I did the worst thing and deleted her number. I don't see us just being platonic. I don't know what value I'd bring and I honestly don't know how I can get over viewing her sexually. Plus, she'll be gone for 2 years and said "maybe hold on to the thought in the future?"...lol, her saying that to me was ****ing retarded, as if I'm going to wait 2 years lol wtf. She invited me over for thanksgiving but I don't think I'm going to go...I didn't make plans with her, she just invited me if I wanted to. What's the point? I don't see us being platonic. I don't know how she'd expect it either unless she's just giving me the cold shoulder? She's never lied to me before though so regardless I'll take her word on it, but I don't have her number anymore and I don't see us ever being platonic at the moment. Our relationship was purely sexual charged. Without the intimacy it'd be futile and extremely boring in my opinion.

Blah, w/e.... just wanted to rant about it....

W/e. Before she came I didn't expect anything serious anyway. I don't know why I care so much. I expected it to be this way when she left.

Back to meeting more girls I guess..

btw, i the whole night i was with them in the bar i felt like approaching tons of girls as it was packed but didn't do it out of respect. i honestly don't care about small talk and as lame as it sounds i literally just felt like approaching the girls and telling them they were cute and going from there. if a girl wants to talk then it doesn't matter what i say because she'll want to talk, but if a girl doesn't want to talk then it doesn't matter how good i converse with her it won't matter either. might as well just be upfront and cut to the chase. i feel no need to stand there and small talk about bull**** anyway

All this makes me question why do we put so much damn importance on sexual relationships? I feel like something is wrong with us for being so uptight about it. I feel like the **** I feel shouldn't be a big deal, as if it is almost normal. Idk, I'm kind of confused at the moment


----------



## nautilus

bwidger85 said:


> All this makes me question why do we put so much damn importance on sexual relationships? I feel like something is wrong with us for being so uptight about it. I feel like the **** I feel shouldn't be a big deal, as if it is almost normal. Idk, I'm kind of confused at the moment


I'm an expert on feeling more than I "should". All I know is, to some extent, things just mean what we decide they mean. I think being terribly confused is a major part of being human. That's the purpose I see for relationships with others, whether they're friends, acquaintances, or romantic interests; other people are just as confused, but have found their own unique ways of dealing with it which can be shared with others. The only _positive_ use I've found for labels is acting as a shorthand for establishing what type of relationship both people can agree upon.


----------



## stoolie

nautilus said:


> Yeah, I used to do that kind of thing a lot when I started trying to make eye contact with people. It still happens every once in a while. Usually I find myself thinking afterwards things like, "I didn't do that quite right, I should have smiled" or, "if they'd kept looking for just a split second longer I would have managed to smile". I think a combination of being nervous and it being a new type of situation makes my reflexes extremely sluggish. Trying to think of what to do in the moment slows me down, causing me to miss opportunities.
> 
> Keep practicing until you form new habits; eventually you'll act/react the way you want to automatically.


Yeah, but smiling would be the female response to someone looking at you. I generally only smile if I have a reason.

If I would have managed to hold eye contact with her, I guess she would expect me to say something. Otherwise I would feel or look like a creep.
But what could I have said? The best thing I came up with later was asking her if she was a student, but I think that would seem really out of place, just asking a stranger that out of nowhere. :/


----------



## nautilus

stoolie said:


> Yeah, but smiling would be the female response to someone looking at you. I generally only smile if I have a reason.


I've had random guys smile at me before. It doesn't seem weird at all, and it certainly doesn't do any harm. Trust me, you won't seem any less "manly" for smiling at a woman, just more approachable (which is a good thing, even if you wind up doing the approaching). And you can always look away right after and leave the interaction at that if you want to. If, on the other hand, you get a good vibe from the other person, it makes it easier to possibly take the interaction further. Being generally friendly, being in a good mood, thinking someone is attractive at a glance, making eye contact by accident and trying to smooth over the awkwardness... all perfectly legitimate reasons to smile at someone. Of course, it may still feel strange at first if you're not used to it.



stoolie said:


> But what could I have said? The best thing I came up with later was asking her if she was a student, but I think that would seem really out of place, just asking a stranger that out of nowhere. :/


Some of the guys on this thread have had some success opening with "out of place" seeming questions, but that might be too challenging to start with (I know I'm not at that level of confidence/experience quite yet). Of course, if you feel up to it, go for it! Often I'll settle for commenting on something in our shared environment. Like, mentioning that it looks crowded, asking what the next stop is, commenting on the weather (cliche but effective), asking for the time, etc. Of course, every situation is different, but if you keep brainstorming, then sooner or later you'll come up with something to say at the time you want to say it.


----------



## bsd3355

nautilus said:


> I'm an expert on feeling more than I "should". All I know is, to some extent, things just mean what we decide they mean. I think being terribly confused is a major part of being human. That's the purpose I see for relationships with others, whether they're friends, acquaintances, or romantic interests; other people are just as confused, but have found their own unique ways of dealing with it which can be shared with others. The only _positive_ use I've found for labels is acting as a shorthand for establishing what type of relationship both people can agree upon.


This seems pretty accurate.


----------



## Zeeshan

nautilus said:


> I've had random guys smile at me before. It doesn't seem weird at all, and it certainly doesn't do any harm. Trust me, you won't seem any less "manly" for smiling at a woman, just more approachable (which is a good thing, even if you wind up doing the approaching). And you can always look away right after and leave the interaction at that if you want to. If, on the other hand, you get a good vibe from the other person, it makes it easier to possibly take the interaction further. Being generally friendly, being in a good mood, thinking someone is attractive at a glance, making eye contact by accident and trying to smooth over the awkwardness... all perfectly legitimate reasons to smile at someone. Of course, it may still feel strange at first if you're not used to it.
> 
> Some of the guys on this thread have had some success opening with "out of place" seeming questions, but that might be too challenging to start with (I know I'm not at that level of confidence/experience quite yet). Of course, if you feel up to it, go for it! Often I'll settle for commenting on something in our shared environment. Like, mentioning that it looks crowded, asking what the next stop is, commenting on the weather (cliche but effective), asking for the time, etc. Of course, every situation is different, but if you keep brainstorming, then sooner or later you'll come up with something to say at the time you want to say it.


When a guy makes eye contact with you but doesn't look away doesn't smile but holds contact till you look away

What do you think?


----------



## bsd3355

Well, turns out I'm an idiot for not taking my ex's word on saying she didn't want to get attached while she was here and that's why she declined. To me sex isn't a big deal. I guess to her it is. I realize this is a misunderstanding on my part and hopefully I can respect that if it happens again with another girl in the future. She told me she missed me and she cares for me and that she didn't want to get intimate because she didn't want to get too attached before she left. I read it and everything and still didn't believe her. That's a big misunderstanding on my part and **** a lot of stuff up if I don't learn how to stop second-guess what women say. Hopefully i can learn from this. I told my dad because he was the unfortunate soul who was around when it was on my mind and he said men are "pigs" for only wanting sex with no attachment and that many women don't view it the same way....i actually agree with him to a degree.. he straight told me i have a lot to learn! lol love it...he's right i guess

Anyway, just wanted to type that since I already typed my life story earlier **rolls eyes**


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Well, turns out I'm an idiot for not taking my ex's word on saying she didn't want to get attached while she was here and that's why she declined. To me sex isn't a big deal. I guess to her it is. I realize this is a misunderstanding on my part and hopefully I can respect that if it happens again with another girl in the future. She told me she missed me and she cares for me and that she didn't want to get intimate because she didn't want to get too attached before she left. I read it and everything and still didn't believe her. That's a big misunderstanding on my part and **** a lot of stuff up if I don't learn how to stop second-guess what women say. Hopefully i can learn from this. I told my dad because he was the unfortunate soul who was around when it was on my mind and he said men are "pigs" for only wanting sex with no attachment and that many women don't view it the same way....i actually agree with him to a degree.. he straight told me i have a lot to learn! lol love it...he's right i guess
> 
> Anyway, just wanted to type that since I already typed my life story earlier **rolls eyes**


happy birthday


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> happy birthday


belated and not sure if this was sarcastic, but thanks? :stu


----------



## nautilus

Zeeshan said:


> When a guy makes eye contact with you but doesn't look away doesn't smile but holds contact till you look away
> 
> What do you think?


I generally look away much sooner if he's not smiling. Sometimes I'll try to smile myself but it doesn't tend to turn out as well and I usually break eye contact while doing so. You could still have success just from making eye contact, I think. In my experience though, if one person smiles, it makes the other person more willing to hold eye contact for a bit longer. We're talking a difference of a fraction of a second here, one or two seconds at most, but with random glances with strangers it can be the difference between a positive exchange and an ambiguous one.

In the past I would assume he was looking at me because he'd caught _me_ looking and that he probably thought I was weird (then I would go back to avoiding eye contact with people, lol). But these days I take into account the possibility that it might be a sign of interest. I'm more likely to think that's the case if we make eye contact more than once, since accidental glances happen all the time. Eye contact _with a smile_ makes it clear the first time. True, some people are just being friendly, but a friendly person gives the impression that they'd be more open to continuing an interaction.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> belated and not sure if this was sarcastic, but thanks? :stu


Nope noticed your age increase


----------



## Zeeshan

nautilus said:


> I generally look away much sooner if he's not smiling. Sometimes I'll try to smile myself but it doesn't tend to turn out as well and I usually break eye contact while doing so. You could still have success just from making eye contact, I think. In my experience though, if one person smiles, it makes the other person more willing to hold eye contact for a bit longer. We're talking a difference of a fraction of a second here, one or two seconds at most, but with random glances with strangers it can be the difference between a positive exchange and an ambiguous one.
> 
> In the past I would assume he was looking at me because he'd caught _me_ looking and that he probably thought I was weird (then I would go back to avoiding eye contact with people, lol). But these days I take into account the possibility that it might be a sign of interest. I'm more likely to think that's the case if we make eye contact more than once, since accidental glances happen all the time. Eye contact _with a smile_ makes it clear the first time. True, some people are just being friendly, but a friendly person gives the impression that they'd be more open to continuing an interaction.


I think eye contact is the number one sign of interest. I have also noticed that if i am gazing at a girl, and she looks at me, if i look away first, she immidiately losses all interest.


----------



## bsd3355

Alright, so tomorrow I'm going to finally go out and talk to some women at a bar. I haven't approached anyone for a week at least. The only reason I won't go out is if my ex wants to hang out before she leaves, but I really need to get back on the band wagon and I'm anxious to test out the level of my fortitude when it comes to this stuff because the "approach until you're successful" mind frame has been tweaked a lot these last couple months and it feels like I'm gaining confidence and indifference to this stuff which is exactly what I want.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> I think eye contact is the number one sign of interest. I have also noticed that if i am gazing at a girl, and she looks at me, if i look away first, she immidiately losses all interest.


I dont know with eye contact, maybe both people wont look for long because they feel shy.

I fail with eye contact, if im looking I feel like I may come across as some weirdo. Quite a few women do give me eye contact and smiles (usually where they look and smile at me, then when I catch them looking and smiling then look down still smiling). Usually though I feel they are just smiling to be nice and never think how im going to go over there and talk to her.

This 1 time I went to a club and kept having eye contact with this girl for at least an hour. When she was on her own I spoke to her, she was saying she saw me looking at her and had no idea why... I froze and said it was cause 1 of my friends said he liked her.


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## brownzerg

Still on the job hunt and the quest for the shedding of additional poundage. Unfortunately the gorging this most recent holiday will set that back a bit I'm sure..

I've been shaving on a more regular basis and trying to keep what facial hair I do leave trimmed and nice looking. I've manage to smile at many people but that's as far as it has gotten. I still don't think I stand a decent shot at finding anyone around here but I try to push that out of my mind as much as I can.

I unfortunately am absolutely unable to fake my way through. Partially cause that's not genuine and also because if its not true or how I feel I generally just suck at it. 

Just got to keep on keepin' on and hope for the best.


----------



## Zeeshan

I have done zit in the last week

there is good reason though, i have been studying for the biggest exam of my life


----------



## bsd3355

went out to a bar last night for like 15 minutes then realized how much i hated being there and left. i am more motivated to meet girls outside of bars than go to one tbh and i really want to keeping avoiding bars for the time being unless i have to


----------



## stoolie

I went out with some friends again like every Friday in the last 4 weeks.
We even went to 3 different bars and in every bar were girls, who I found really attractive, adorable or even mind blowing/stunning.

Of course I didn't do anything. :/
We just sit there like these old grumpy people from the Muppet Show and talk self-deprecating jokes about our non existing love lives.
But it's always very funny  and a friend of mine even asked out a waitress, which I found really impressive.


At least it shows that there are so many girls out there, who could be a potential match. 
That was a positive experience, but seeing all those couples hugging and caressing each other makes me feel even more lonely and hearing the couple in the apartment above me having sex regularly doesn't help.

Adding 46 days of NoFap to that makes me even more emotional vulnerable.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> I went out with some friends again like every Friday in the last 4 weeks.
> We even went to 3 different bars and in every bar were girls, who I found really attractive, adorable or even mind blowing/stunning.
> 
> Of course I didn't do anything. :/
> We just sit there like these old grumpy people from the Muppet Show and talk self-deprecating jokes about our non existing love lives.
> But it's always very funny  and a friend of mine even asked out a waitress, which I found really impressive.
> 
> At least it shows that there are so many girls out there, who could be a potential match.
> That was a positive experience, but seeing all those couples hugging and caressing each other makes me feel even more lonely and hearing the couple in the apartment above me having sex regularly doesn't help.
> 
> *Adding 46 days of NoFap to that makes me even more emotional vulnerable.*


You're approaching women with 46 days of NoFap?

I'm no expert, but I'm not sure if approaching with a loaded gun is the best idea? I dunno.


----------



## stoolie

Ivan AG said:


> You're approaching women with 46 days of NoFap?
> 
> I'm no expert, but I'm not sure if approaching with a loaded gun is the best idea? I dunno.


I said it before, I'm mainly doing NoFap so that I can't give myself the excuse to *not* approach a girl, when I could just as well go home and fap.

Also I feel less shameful in general and find it easier to look directly at girls, but still have problems holding eye contact unfortunately.


----------



## rymo

brownzerg said:


> Still on the job hunt and the quest for the shedding of additional poundage. Unfortunately the gorging this most recent holiday will set that back a bit I'm sure..
> 
> I've been shaving on a more regular basis and trying to keep what facial hair I do leave trimmed and nice looking. I've manage to smile at many people but that's as far as it has gotten. I still don't think I stand a decent shot at finding anyone around here but I try to push that out of my mind as much as I can.
> 
> I unfortunately am absolutely unable to fake my way through. Partially cause that's not genuine and also because if its not true or how I feel I generally just suck at it.
> 
> Just got to keep on keepin' on and hope for the best.


That's great man. If you keep trying to stay as positive as possible, over time you'll see that these small changes will have a huge impact.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> I said it before, I'm mainly doing NoFap so that I can't give myself the excuse to *not* approach a girl, when I could just as well go home and fap.
> 
> Also I feel less shameful in general and find it easier to look directly at girls, but still have problems holding eye contact unfortunately.


So you're using it to motivate you?

Whatever works, I guess.


----------



## stoolie

Ivan AG said:


> So you're using it to motivate you?
> 
> Whatever works, I guess.


Exactly. It's not really working so far  and I don't think it's some kind of silver bullet, but I don't have anything to loose by trying it out for some time.


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> So you're using it to motivate you?
> 
> Whatever works, I guess.


Personally I have settled into a biweekly schedule after which I tend to get depressed. But again if ur filling up on bread at home I'd doubt you'd go out looking for a steak


----------



## Ivan AG

Zeeshan said:


> Personally I have settled into a biweekly schedule after which I tend to get depressed. But again if ur filling up on bread at home I'd doubt you'd go out looking for a steak


**** steaks.

I go after five star meals.


----------



## Wurli

I ask myself every time I see this thread title 

The answer every time: Nothing.


----------



## NeverAFrown_00

I'm shaking mah big booteh in the hope that one big-booty-loving lady will spot this showcase of talent.


----------



## Malek

Wurli said:


> I ask myself every time I see this thread title
> 
> The answer every time: Nothing.


Same here man... same here... 
(I can't even make friends on my own, let alone a gf, meh... )


----------



## pete24

Malek said:


> Same here man... same here...
> (I can't even make friends on my own, let alone a gf, meh... )


I'll 3rd that.

I did actually have a fair bit of progress to report a while back. Women smiling at me in public, dating site messages, women adding me on FB. But nothing came of it, the FB n POF girls were below standard for me and I never acted with the women who smiled at me in public.

Now i'm at the point where i'm sick of women. If I am interested in 1 on a dating site who is to my standards, chances are she wont reply and will go for a guy thats hotter than me but will crap on her. If she did reply, the convo will only last a few messages before shes flooded with messages off other guys and my message is lost, or she will eventually find someone she thinks is better.

In real life I know I dont get chances to pull. Stuck at home all week, then I get 1 day in the pub during the daytime when no women are about.

Until the new year its more a case of waiting and seeing if any women come to me (which never happens) and then trying to make plans and places to visit in the new year when I eventually get some cash


----------



## brownzerg

Today in a trip to the local dinosaur museum for my young second cousin I got the chance to smile and make eye contact with a lovely lady who was supervising the Bone Dig downstairs, where they had placed a cast of bones in a sort of sandbox like structure and buried it in what seemed like brown kitty litter.

I'm not sure if I did well or not since I was looking at the floor soon after and didn't manage a toothy smile just a "lips smile".

A side note: A cheesy one liner shot into my head while I passed by. somewhere there was mention of the search for rare bones? My thought went 'I know where a rare bone is, but you wont need to use a brush to find it'. 
I humored myself with it, laughing for seemingly no reason.

Its the small victories I guess? maybe this'll turn into something more over time if I keep it up.


----------



## Zeeshan

Hey i am not digging the negativity in this thread the last few messages.

I think the best thing for all of us to do right now is to figure out exactly what we want, and then go find it, and get it. WE DESERVE IT!

You know i think i had a revelation today, i came to realize that if anything is going to happen we have to make it happen. Nothing comes to those who wait. Now lets quit wasting valuable time, and get what we want!

To online dating, i say abondon your hopes for any quality there. There is very little, and its usually 100 messages per day for those ones. The women dont look like their pictures anyways. Attractive women rarely have to resort to such measures.

This thread, is like a pact you know, once you post in it, you make a commitment. A commitment to get the girl you want, neh, get the life you want. we only get one life so we better make it count.

The world is full of women, millions of available women. Instead of being downers lets come up with some strategies. 

So what exactly are you guys looking for in a woman. I think one of the reasons we arent getting what we want, is because A) Inside our minds we know what we are looking for and B) we arent willing to settle like the half of the guys in the world do

Here is what happens when you settle for what you can get, You go on 2-3 years then realize that you are not living the life you want, and deal with a depresive life. I know what this happens, i see it all the time. In Family, at work, with friends. All wishing they were single again.

Lets help each other men.....as long this thread leaves on so does the spirit of this thread. 

As long as this thread lives on its participants will get what they want. Impossible that this thread will fail!!!!!!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan. 

March onwards!


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Zeeshan.
> 
> March onwards!


You know when Rymo first started this thread, i actually harrassed him for it. you can see my message on either page 3 or page 4. I told him how useless this thread was, and how hopeless it really was. That he shouldnt be telling guys to approach women.

The truth was that i was outwardly projecting my fears. Really i was afraid of how hopeless it was for me. Sure i can get a girl, Even through online dating i have gone on atleast 7-8 dates in the past few months, but were any of them girls that i could see marrying one day. No they werent. But i thought maybe i would just have to settle. You know, take what i can get. After all i have always had relationships, were i wasnt fully happy. where i would look at the other person, and wish that i was alone.

Fast forward to today, and i am unwilling to settle. I really am not. My plan is actually quite simple. I am going to find the one i want and make her fall in love with me. Its not going to happen any other way. I am not going to let someone else decide my destiny. We should all adapt the same attitude. we are the best of men.

Grown men we are. In another time we would be fighting great wars, where chances of going home would be near zero. Here we are. This is our great war. Now if you guys want to continue posting in this thread, then start improving your situations, and start making a real effort.

Forget changing anything about you, forget it. You are fine the way you are. AND YOU DESERVE GREATNESS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT

Disregard others. Disregard them completely. If someone tells you any different they are projecting their fears onto you. If someone is holding you back then thats the person to get rid off. Make things clear to people, either you help me get what i want, or go find someone else to hang out with. period. GET MAD PEOPLE! GET MAD! ITS A FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL HERE THE SURVIVAL OF YOUR SEED. ARE YOU GOING TO LET SOMEONE WIPE YOU FROM NATURE. You're existence is at stake.


----------



## MrQuiet76

brownzerg said:


> Today in a trip to the local dinosaur museum for my young second cousin I got the chance to smile and make eye contact with a lovely lady who was supervising the Bone Dig downstairs, where they had placed a cast of bones in a sort of sandbox like structure and buried it in what seemed like brown kitty litter.
> 
> I'm not sure if I did well or not since I was looking at the floor soon after and didn't manage a toothy smile just a "lips smile".
> 
> A side note: A cheesy one liner shot into my head while I passed by. somewhere there was mention of the search for rare bones? My thought went 'I know where a rare bone is, but you wont need to use a brush to find it'.
> I humored myself with it, laughing for seemingly no reason.
> 
> Its the small victories I guess? maybe this'll turn into something more over time if I keep it up.


Small victories is the way to do it man. As they say Rome wasn't built in a day. At least you got to exchange a smile today. Don't be too critical of yourself by worrying about lips smile vs tooth smile. Bottom line is you made the smile and next time maybe you can reel a woman in with a sweet one liner


----------



## MrQuiet76

Zeeshan said:


> You know when Rymo first started this thread, i actually harrassed him for it. you can see my message on either page 3 or page 4.


I was the same way at first but now I'm convinced that this is the best thread that was ever on this forum


----------



## Brandeezy

So I decided to log on to POF after a months break and I've already ran into an dilemma, I don't know how to write messages anymore :/


----------



## Zeeshan

Early Sunday morning dissapointment for me

There is this total hottie that works at walmart nearby. I've seen her once prior. So I decide to get my coffee there at MCD this morning 

Walked past her once tried to make eye contact so I could say hello but she just would not make eye contact. Thus didn't notice me walking by. On my way back I trued the same but this time anorher employee was standing beside her

Am I dettered no. Its just a matter of time I will get that

Upwards and onwards


----------



## phoenixwright

I went on a date with that girl on OkCupid last afternoon. Date lasted about an hour and a half or a bit over that. 

First off, she looks like her best picture on OkCupid. She's attractive yeah. And the conversation was going pretty well. We had some awkward silences. After we were done with our desserts and the bill was paid (she let me pay and said she'd get the next one), there was some awkward silence when she said "so". lol. There were some awkward silences on the date as well. But not like what I experienced in the first two dates. This girl is rather chatty and talkative. Which is a nice compliment. But it's not like I didn't contribute to the conversation. I did. And I had some humourous stories and lines.

In our coffee date I didn't feel like any sexual tension or whatever was building up though. So when we were seeing each other off and she went to hug me, I hugged her back and that's it. I didn't go for any kiss. Then when we walked to our cars, it was kinda awkward. A couple of my friends told me that no kiss on a first date, especially a casual coffee date (she wasn't dressed up either, casual clothing) is expected. That a kiss wouldn't come until later. Personally I didn't feel like it was the right time to kiss her. It would have felt forced. It didn't feel right. And I know I would have only been doing it to score "validation points". Not because I yearned to kiss her. I lacked that desire/urgency. You need that build up of sexual tension.

There were times on the date where I caught myself thinking of myself as inferior and that is something that I definitely do want to change. I want to be a boss and not think like that. I'm getting better at it but those thoughts still linger. Like when she'd talk about all these times she was getting drunk with her friends and what not. She is much more outgoing. And I felt like I couldn't "compete" with that. That I didn't seem as "fun" to her. And when she asked me if I lived alone, I told her that I lived with my family. I felt a sense of awkwardness there. Even though deciding to live at home with mom and dad was a personal, calculated decision I made that I felt was most beneficial for me (I'm able to save more money this way and my parents don't want me to leave. They insist I stay), I still feel some insecurity about that.

And after this date, I feel like it further confirms my thoughts that this whole dating thing is kinda pointless to me. I don't know if it's cognitively possible for me to "connect" with someone. I'm not totally asocial. But this whole process feels weird to me. In the past I would beat myself up and blame myself for dates not going well. But now I'm just really confused about things. Like I feel like I'm on a totally different planet from other people.

What I do know is that I think it's amusing how I'll often engross myself in videogames, movies and tv shows which feature social interactions as a third-party observer. Yet I have little interest in social interactions in real-life as a first-party participant. I've went out at least once on the weekend at least 90+% of the time since January. Going out regularly I noticed has made it easier for me to talk with girls on dates. Since it gives me more material to work with. But going out and socializing takes a lot out of me. Especially when I work full-time. I'm an introvert. There are activities I like to do that involve getting outside the house. Like going to comedy clubs, karaoke, bars and restaurants, coffee shops, going to see movies and plays (I haven't done that in awhile), etc. But I don't really "connect" with peers. I feel guilty that I don't really care much about what's going on in their lives. And with romantic relationships in particular, you really need to care. Ok well no **** right? But the point is: If I don't have quality two-way friendships (I feel like I mostly care about myself and reciprocate based on obligation rather than genuinely feel the need to reciprocate), how could I expect to have a quality relationship?

I've had quality two-way exchanges with girls. But I was in love with the idea of being in love rather than with them. If they were male, I don't think I'd connect with them any better than my male friends (whom I don't connect with well to begin with). With my ex-girlfriend and I get together, it gets awkward when we hang out because the romantic and sexual tension was the glue that kept it together. I miss the things associated with being in "love". The "high" feeling, being on Cloud Nine, wanting to make 16 babies with the girl, feeling special and wanting to make the object of your desire feel special, feeling a sense of closeness with her, not giving a **** if this whole thing kills you because for once in your life you truly feel alive and human, etc. But yeah you take the romantic and sexual tension out of it and there's no real solid foundation. It's just wanting something that society tells you will make you happily ever after. This is just your body releasing oxytocin and dopamine so that you will feel bonded with your mate for long enough so that you can reproduce. You need something REAL to keep it together. Not just a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain. And I question my capability to have something real that will last. And that isn't just some deep biological desire to mate and feel bonded with your mate.

I wouldn't say that I'm a schizoid or asocial necessarily. But there is something different about my wiring. Or some sort of deficit in socialization when I was young. I'd like to think that life is about wanting to genuinely care about others and make them happy. Rather than just feel obligated to reciprocate happiness. I feel like my friendships are rather one-sidedly selfish. I want to be heard. But I don't really care too much about hearing about their lives. But I don't feel it should be this way. I feel like I should care about them. But I don't and you can't force it.


----------



## bsd3355

^I know without the internet I'd have more real life friends because I'd seek them out. So i'm in the same boat as you when it comes to not being much interested in hanging out with people outside of what i currently do.

If you really feel the need to meet more people in real life you can cut off ties to the internet, communicating via any social means online, and when you have nothing to do and communicate with you'll feel a huge pressure to meet more people in real life because nothing is allowing you to get stimulation.

Personally, I don't care too much about meeting friends in real life currently, but I am interested in meeting women in real life obviously so that's why I do it  Nothing too weird about that. It's just we are either distracted or satisfied with the way technology allows us to share with people online.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I went on a date with that girl on OkCupid last afternoon. Date lasted about an hour and a half or a bit over that.
> 
> First off, she looks like her best picture on OkCupid. She's attractive yeah. And the conversation was going pretty well. We had some awkward silences. After we were done with our desserts and the bill was paid (she let me pay and said she'd get the next one), there was some awkward silence when she said "so". lol. There were some awkward silences on the date as well. But not like what I experienced in the first two dates. This girl is rather chatty and talkative. Which is a nice compliment. But it's not like I didn't contribute to the conversation. I did. And I had some humourous stories and lines.
> 
> In our coffee date I didn't feel like any sexual tension or whatever was building up though. So when we were seeing each other off and she went to hug me, I hugged her back and that's it. I didn't go for any kiss. Then when we walked to our cars, it was kinda awkward. A couple of my friends told me that no kiss on a first date, especially a casual coffee date (she wasn't dressed up either, casual clothing) is expected. That a kiss wouldn't come until later. Personally I didn't feel like it was the right time to kiss her. It would have felt forced. It didn't feel right. And I know I would have only been doing it to score "validation points". Not because I yearned to kiss her. I lacked that desire/urgency. You need that build up of sexual tension.
> 
> There were times on the date where I caught myself thinking of myself as inferior and that is something that I definitely do want to change. I want to be a boss and not think like that. I'm getting better at it but those thoughts still linger. Like when she'd talk about all these times she was getting drunk with her friends and what not. She is much more outgoing. And I felt like I couldn't "compete" with that. That I didn't seem as "fun" to her. And when she asked me if I lived alone, I told her that I lived with my family. I felt a sense of awkwardness there. Even though deciding to live at home with mom and dad was a personal, calculated decision I made that I felt was most beneficial for me (I'm able to save more money this way and my parents don't want me to leave. They insist I stay), I still feel some insecurity about that.
> 
> And after this date, I feel like it further confirms my thoughts that this whole dating thing is kinda pointless to me. I don't know if it's cognitively possible for me to "connect" with someone. I'm not totally asocial. But this whole process feels weird to me. In the past I would beat myself up and blame myself for dates not going well. But now I'm just really confused about things. Like I feel like I'm on a totally different planet from other people.
> 
> What I do know is that I think it's amusing how I'll often engross myself in videogames, movies and tv shows which feature social interactions as a third-party observer. Yet I have little interest in social interactions in real-life as a first-party participant. I've went out at least once on the weekend at least 90+% of the time since January. Going out regularly I noticed has made it easier for me to talk with girls on dates. Since it gives me more material to work with. But going out and socializing takes a lot out of me. Especially when I work full-time. I'm an introvert. There are activities I like to do that involve getting outside the house. Like going to comedy clubs, karaoke, bars and restaurants, coffee shops, going to see movies and plays (I haven't done that in awhile), etc. But I don't really "connect" with peers. I feel guilty that I don't really care much about what's going on in their lives. And with romantic relationships in particular, you really need to care. Ok well no **** right? But the point is: If I don't have quality two-way friendships (I feel like I mostly care about myself and reciprocate based on obligation rather than genuinely feel the need to reciprocate), how could I expect to have a quality relationship?
> 
> I've had quality two-way exchanges with girls. But I was in love with the idea of being in love rather than with them. If they were male, I don't think I'd connect with them any better than my male friends (whom I don't connect with well to begin with). With my ex-girlfriend and I get together, it gets awkward when we hang out because the romantic and sexual tension was the glue that kept it together. I miss the things associated with being in "love". The "high" feeling, being on Cloud Nine, wanting to make 16 babies with the girl, feeling special and wanting to make the object of your desire feel special, feeling a sense of closeness with her, not giving a **** if this whole thing kills you because for once in your life you truly feel alive and human, etc. But yeah you take the romantic and sexual tension out of it and there's no real solid foundation. It's just wanting something that society tells you will make you happily ever after. This is just your body releasing oxytocin and dopamine so that you will feel bonded with your mate for long enough so that you can reproduce. You need something REAL to keep it together. Not just a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain. And I question my capability to have something real that will last. And that isn't just some deep biological desire to mate and feel bonded with your mate.
> 
> I wouldn't say that I'm a schizoid or asocial necessarily. But there is something different about my wiring. Or some sort of deficit in socialization when I was young. I'd like to think that life is about wanting to genuinely care about others and make them happy. Rather than just feel obligated to reciprocate happiness. I feel like my friendships are rather one-sidedly selfish. I want to be heard. But I don't really care too much about hearing about their lives. But I don't feel it should be this way. I feel like I should care about them. But I don't and you can't force it.


Look man you went on a date with a beautiful girl you had a good time. Instead of going all philosophiccal why don't you simplify a bit and try to have a meaningful relationship. You can't think into the right actions you have to act into the right thinking!!!

Does it feel good to have these thoughts ? You don't have to be a prisoner to them. The only way out is action


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^I know without the internet I'd have more real life friends because I'd seek them out. So i'm in the same boat as you when it comes to not being much interested in hanging out with people outside of what i currently do.
> 
> If you really feel the need to meet more people in real life you can cut off ties to the internet, communicating via any social means online, and when you have nothing to do and communicate with you'll feel a huge pressure to meet more people in real life because nothing is allowing you to get stimulation.
> 
> Personally, I don't care too much about meeting friends in real life currently, but I am interested in meeting women in real life obviously so that's why I do it  Nothing too weird about that. It's just we are either distracted or satisfied with the way technology allows us to share with people online.


You should drive your 1995 ****bag to Toronto n come meet me n pheonixwrigth. I'll even let you crash on my couch


----------



## stoolie

I messaged two girls on different dating sites and both stopped responding after my second message with some follow-up question.
So I guess I'm doing something wrong. :stu


----------



## srschirm

I may have some news to post here shortly. Just sayin'.


----------



## Ivan AG

stoolie said:


> I messaged two girls on different dating sites and both stopped responding after my second message with some follow-up question.
> So I guess I'm doing something wrong. :stu


Most likely they were just one of the millions flakes you'll meet on dating sites.


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> I may have some news to post here shortly. Just sayin'.


Lay it on us man 

My luck has been on the upswing as well!


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Lay it on us man
> 
> My luck has been on the upswing as well!


Sweet! I need details as well.

Well, I've been down lately to be honest. But I'm about to do something I basically haven't done before. Hopefully I'll have the result today or tomorrow.


----------



## Canucklehead

srschirm said:


> Sweet! I need details as well.
> 
> Well, I've been down lately to be honest. But I'm about to do something I basically haven't done before. Hopefully I'll have the result today or tomorrow.


Please tell me it's not a mail order bride. :teeth


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Sweet! I need details as well.
> 
> Well, I've been down lately to be honest. But I'm about to do something I basically haven't done before. Hopefully I'll have the result today or tomorrow.


Srschim on the attack!


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> Most likely they were just one of the millions flakes you'll meet on dating sites.


Yes a false ego boost


----------



## Wurli

Zeeshan said:


> You know i think i had a revelation today, i came to realize that if anything is going to happen we have to make it happen. Nothing comes to those who wait. Now lets quit wasting valuable time, and get what we want!


These are wise words my friend


----------



## srschirm

Canucklehead said:


> Please tell me it's not a mail order bride. :teeth


Haha no, it's actually someone I know in person, in REAL LIFE! :yes


----------



## srschirm

Zeeshan said:


> Srschim on the attack!


That's right! No more wallowing in self-pity for the Schirmster!


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Early Sunday morning dissapointment for me
> 
> There is this total hottie that works at walmart nearby. I've seen her once prior. So I decide to get my coffee there at MCD this morning
> 
> Walked past her once tried to make eye contact so I could say hello but she just would not make eye contact. Thus didn't notice me walking by. On my way back I trued the same but this time anorher employee was standing beside her
> 
> Am I dettered no. Its just a matter of time I will get that
> 
> Upwards and onwards


So undettered i went back later in the day, and failed at it again. She is just such a cutie, not giving up though, just a minor inconvinience, one of these days the chain will break!


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Look man you went on a date with a beautiful girl you had a good time. Instead of going all philosophiccal why don't you simplify a bit and try to have a meaningful relationship. You can't think into the right actions you have to act into the right thinking!!!
> 
> Does it feel good to have these thoughts ? You don't have to be a prisoner to them. The only way out is action


She's a pretty girl. But I guess she's not quite my type physically. I don't usually get excited for blondes. I tend to really like sweet, bubbly, romantic-type, feminine girl-next-door brunettes and redheads. Those are the girls who I look at and think "I wanna get wifed up" (Jersey Shore terminology). lol.

The feeling of disconnect is there regardless with people. Even if she was "my type", things would not get anywhere if the conversational chemistry isn't there. I feel like I'm just going through the motions with this dating process and not sure what I'm trying to find or how to get where I want to be. Like you're saying to take action. But if it doesn't "feel right", you can't just force a kiss. You can't just force flirting. Kissing her or flirting with her at this point would have felt forced.

In the past for me, if I got anywhere, it's because the girl has always made the first moves and sexual tension was built up early. And these girls were crazy. That's not how things are done in the conventional sense. And I'm kinda "lost" in this world. I don't know how to "progress" things naturally. Or how to tell whether it's a "lost cause" with a particular girl.

This probably isn't the best avenue for me to discuss these issues because I think my situation goes beyond the realm of social anxiety. I wish there was a way for me to show you guys video footage of how I am in social situations.

As for bwidger pointing out that it's not unusual for guys to be satisfied with having only online contact with friends, my issue is that I don't care about my friends' lives all that much whether we are interacting in-person or online (it sounds awful but I feel I need to be honest here). And I don't recall a time in my life ever that I ever cared about a friend's or family member's life all that much. I might have had a social development issue stemming from childhood.

The girl just texted me, which is a good sign that she's still interested. But I'm very much "lost". I don't think I "get" this **** at a very fundamental level. This natural process of how relationships form. I take it that I should schedule another date in a week?


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> You should drive your 1995 ****bag to Toronto n come meet me n pheonixwrigth. I'll even let you crash on my couch


I doubt my car will make it :b


----------



## Zeeshan

Why does it bother me when i see decent looking guys with Ugly Girlfriends

This just happend, i mean this girl was very unattractive (and overweigth) yet i was bothered by it. Why should i let it bother me? I dont know

I guess it brings up my own insecurities. In a way, i could never feel attracted to a girl like that, i wouldnt be able to kiss her or make love to her or fall in love with her, and yet here is this guy, maybe better looking then me with this girl.


----------



## typemismatch

My latest attempt to get a girl is to open up a shoe shop. I sell only women's shoes and they cost a ****ing fortune too (I'm going for classy women). Anyway I am offering a special deal - buy the left shoe get the right shoe free and women are flocking in their hundreds. I get to meet plenty of women this way and I get to smell their feet (unfortunately I'm not much into feet though). Anyway sometimes I am helping a nice lady on with her shoe and we strike up a convo:

Me: "Does that fit"
Nice Lady: "it's perfect, thank you"
Me: "good"
Nice Lady: "Can I try the right one on too"
Me: "Absolutely not, you only get the right one free once you buy the left one"
Nice Lady: "Well I think I will just go elsewhere, the shoe shop down the street looks good and the man in there has a really nice penis"
Me: "Aaaw shucks"


----------



## Zeeshan

typemismatch said:


> My latest attempt to get a girl is to open up a shoe shop. I sell only women's shoes and they cost a ****ing fortune too (I'm going for classy women). Anyway I am offering a special deal - buy the left shoe get the right shoe free and women are flocking in their hundreds. I get to meet plenty of women this way and I get to smell their feet (unfortunately I'm not much into feet though). Anyway sometimes I am helping a nice lady on with her shoe and we strike up a convo:
> 
> Me: "Does that fit"
> Nice Lady: "it's perfect, thank you"
> Me: "good"
> Nice Lady: "Can I try the right one on too"
> Me: "Absolutely not, you only get the right one free once you buy the left one"
> Nice Lady: "Well I think I will just go elsewhere, the shoe shop down the street looks good and the man in there has a really nice penis"
> Me: "Aaaw shucks"


Lol bundy....AL BUNDY


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> That's right! No more wallowing in self-pity for the Schirmster!


In my mind your name is Señor Schism. That's just how I read it. Can we keep up this illusion please?


----------



## Melon

I'm not trying. I rather not make myself look like an idiot.


----------



## rymo

Melon said:


> I'm not trying. I rather not make myself look like an idiot.


Why? What would happen if you looked a little silly to some people?


----------



## pete24

stoolie said:


> I messaged two girls on different dating sites and both stopped responding after my second message with some follow-up question.
> So I guess I'm doing something wrong. :stu


Its them, not you.

Either your message got put to the back of the list as she was flooded with loads more messages off other guys after your message and didnt see it. Or shes spoke to someone she believes is hotter.

Literally its 1 of them reasons, if its the latter you will be sure to see her back on the dating site soon saying how much she hates men and how many horrible guys are out there.

I always put it down to their loss now. Think of good things you like about yourself and could offer them which they are losing out on.

I see myself as good looking (better looking than I look on dating sites as any date I have had with a girl online has resulted in me being given the smiling look or shes suddenly become nervous, so thats obvious), I can offer them loyalty, give them reason to trust me and the most important thing im not a complete jerk who is only after 1 thing.

As far as it goes, its her loss, not yours


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Its them, not you.
> 
> Either your message got put to the back of the list as she was flooded with loads more messages off other guys after your message and didnt see it. Or shes spoke to someone she believes is hotter.
> 
> Literally its 1 of them reasons, if its the latter you will be sure to see her back on the dating site soon saying how much she hates men and how many horrible guys are out there.
> 
> I always put it down to their loss now. Think of good things you like about yourself and could offer them which they are losing out on.
> 
> I see myself as good looking (better looking than I look on dating sites as any date I have had with a girl online has resulted in me being given the smiling look or shes suddenly become nervous, so thats obvious), I can offer them loyalty, give them reason to trust me and the most important thing im not a complete jerk who is only after 1 thing.
> 
> As far as it goes, its her loss, not yours


Pete this is so true man. I can honestly say that i am not a bad looking guy, and yet i get no play with any decent girls i message. I think i am done with dating sites though


----------



## pete24

Totally mate,

To be fair in the past I have had some good relationships from online dating or online in some form. 2 exceeded my expectations in looks and those were the 2 who I think didnt expect much to come from it, but when we met they found me super attractive and couldnt believe they had a chance with me. That pushed my standards up as I doubted I would have a chance with women like that.

Its useless now, thanks to the excess guys who joined in past year. Means either settling for someone way below your standards (who believe they have a chance with you since almost all women on dating sites have this ego courtesy of the "hottest" guys complimenting them to try and get 1 thing) or staying up really late when theres not as many men online and browsing in the hope a new girl joins that you can message, say everything right to, and hope that you have got in there 1st.

This ego thing even effects women who are actually after a relationship. They rant on in their profiles saying how much they want to find MR right who will treat them well and be loyal. Then big themselves up saying how caring and easy to get on with they are.... But they do completely the opposite to that when you message them by checking if your the hottest guy who has messaged them, and if not its goodbye without even a reply.

Other than that its all after "nothing serious" women who havent long come out of a relationship but want to be complimented by guys to cheer themselves up, start a rebound relationship or are dirty ho's who sleep with 100 men a week


----------



## Zeeshan

You just gotta do it man, for you, i know your in some small town you gotta get out off.

For me, i need to grow some balls. For real, people think i am very gutsy, but i want to be like completely transparent with my desires. Nothing hidden. Like i want to care 0 about what anyone else thinks, says, or feels. Why should I? who cared about me a couple of years ago when i was going through personal hell. No ONE. 

See i came to realize now, i am getting very clear on things. Its part of the journey ive been on since the start of this thread, and everyday i come to realize more and more, that no one up there or down here is looking out for me. If i want something, i have to go and get it. No One cares. Just go and get it, even if you have to hurt yourself physically in the process.

Because thats what its all about. Why should i have to settle. I used to think that people were better then me, easily intimidated, but now, i know how worthless people are. I have anger its true, but i like it. 

I think that one of the issues with how i was raised was i was thought to believe that certain actions like anger, or agression were wrong. Or certian actions were shameful. I was made to believe this from some people who enabled this in me later in life too. 

I truly resent them for programming me in that way. Now that i am rid of them, clarity is begining to capture me. Its like for the first time in my life i feel truly alive, because i am realizing that I am incharge of my life. On one side things are very very scary, because you come to realize that you are alone. There isnt God, or your parents, or your friends or your family or some higher power there to help you. Its very scary. before i used to believe that i would just find this perfect person waiting there for me, so it was okay if a relationship didnt work out, or it was okay that things were not that great rigth now

But on the other end its so overpowering. Its like its all up to me. I am not going to let faith decide my destiny. True i have only myself to blame, but i can live with that. I can live with things going wrong because i only have myself to blame. 

I have decided on this mind set, I AM INCHARGE OF MY LIFE, but my body is figthing me. It still thinks that it can persuade me to go back to how things were. It still sends me bad feelings, feelings of anxiousness in my stomach, but i am begining to ignore it. Because at the end of the day, its just some stupid chemicals, and i am not going to let them decide my destiny. 

Online dating is a joke


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> We need to make a realistic offline list of places where we could meet women....


We do, Its difficult to think of some places, like for some, a college may be ideal. But if people like me were to go up to the college by us to chat up women you can guarantee after 20 minutes security will be called to escort us off the premises.

I just had a look at POF again... didnt know why I bothered. This time expanded the distance (would be £50 train return cost) and came across this girl. Pictures were very nice, exactly my type. Profile was excellent, somehow seemed like me, lacks confidence, stated how she hates the guys messaging her as they are all after 1 thing. Sent her a well thought out message (hasnt replied yet as shes not online).

Then I did some snooping on google with her name, she looks completely vile and the pictures on the dating site were clearly her best pictures ever taken. On her old myspace from a few years back she has pictures of herself with an ex half naked and with his name written on the top of her boobs....

Amazes me how women can give a deceiving description of themselves, put up pictures that make them look smoking hot, and ignore messages off guys that are not the hottest on the site.... Then even if the hottest guy isnt a player, they will be hurt when the guy realises shes butt ugly and the ego has driven her to only try and get guys way out of her league


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> We do, Its difficult to think of some places, like for some, a college may be ideal. But if people like me were to go up to the college by us to chat up women you can guarantee after 20 minutes security will be called to escort us off the premises.
> 
> I just had a look at POF again... didnt know why I bothered. This time expanded the distance (would be £50 train return cost) and came across this girl. Pictures were very nice, exactly my type. Profile was excellent, somehow seemed like me, lacks confidence, stated how she hates the guys messaging her as they are all after 1 thing. Sent her a well thought out message (hasnt replied yet as shes not online).
> 
> Then I did some snooping on google with her name, she looks completely vile and the pictures on the dating site were clearly her best pictures ever taken. On her old myspace from a few years back she has pictures of herself with an ex half naked and with his name written on the top of her boobs....
> 
> Amazes me how women can give a deceiving description of themselves, put up pictures that make them look smoking hot, and ignore messages off guys that are not the hottest on the site.... Then even if the hottest guy isnt a player, they will be hurt when the guy realises shes butt ugly and the ego has driven her to only try and get guys way out of her league


I am telling you guy, there is no quality online. Quality is offline. There are tons of avalaible girls just waiting


----------



## bsd3355

pete, how old are you again? i talk to women on campus all the time and no one cares. the last girl i went on a date with was 18! I didn't know she was 18 but she was cool and we got along good. the girl before that was 19 and we went on a coffee date and same thing. this age thing is pretty bunk if that's what you're referring to.


----------



## pete24

Your right dude, 

I am learning too that indeed people are all out for themselves, nobody could care less about you. People seem unwilling to help, but are more than happy to slate others.

I was thinking the other day... What if I died now? This second? Who would care... Yea my family would be gutted as hell, but over time they may get over it. Anyone else that knows me may think for a minute "cant believe hes gone"... Then in less than a week, carry on and never think of me again.

My main problem is I am rubbish at communicating with people at the best of times. With extreme SA even something as normal as seeing a doctor, being served in a shop or having an interview gets to be quite a nerve racking situation especially if I havent drunk alcohol before hand. If they try to make small talk then its even worse because my mind goes blank, I dont know what to say so I just give off a nervous laugh. Annoys me that as soon as I have left I can think of exactly what I could of said.

Once at my old job I really forced myself to try and chat up a customer. It was incredibly difficult, my mind went blank as usual, but somehow I managed to say something quite witty to her. She came back into the shop at least once a week after and even asked for my number to go for drinks.

Its proof I guess that I can do it... but thats a rare time when my mind was blank but I managed to say something back to her and probably that was because I was in my comfort zone at work as I had worked there for so long.

If I struggle enough with generally not being able to think of what to say to any stranger, then without a doubt I know if I walked up to some random girl to try and chat her up it will be the case of:

Me: "Hi"
Her: "Hi?"
Me: .... Long pause
Her: "I gotta go and meet my friends now...bye" *Leaves thinking im weird*


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> pete, how old are you again? i talk to women on campus all the time and no one cares. the last girl i went on a date with was 18! I didn't know she was 18 but she was cool and we got along good. the girl before that was 19 and we went on a coffee date and same thing. this age thing is pretty bunk if that's what you're referring to.


26 mate, The college we have is designed for people after they leave school at 15/16, They do 2 years college studys and then go off to university. Most women at this college are only 16, might have a few 18 year olds there who are doing an extended year but thats the oldest


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I was under the impression that you made a whole host of approaches, Pete. :\


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> In my mind your name is Señor Schism. That's just how I read it. Can we keep up this illusion please?


 Lol, that's hilarious. Yes you can keep calling me that, if I can continue picturing you as the Marlboro Man.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Lol, that's hilarious. Yes you can keep calling me that, if I can continue picturing you as the Marlboro Man.


You got it!


----------



## srschirm

Okay so what I just did was this: there is a new girl at my second job. I trained her some. On Thanksgiving we talked at work and I found out we were both basically alone for the holiday, and also some other things in common. Neither of us have family in the immediate area. I told her I would scan and email the store schedule she wasn't able to pick up yet. So I did that and asked if she wanted to get coffee sometime in the email. Believe it or not I've never really asked out someone I met on my own in real life, although I've had success using other methods. I'll update this thread with the result. I will say I'm super nervous about checking my email, lol.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Okay so what I just did was this: there is a new girl at my second job. I trained her some. On Thanksgiving we talked at work and I found out we were both basically alone for the holiday, and also some other things in common. Neither of us have family in the immediate area. I told her I would scan and email the store schedule she wasn't able to pick up yet. So I did that and asked if she wanted to get coffee sometime in the email. Believe it or not I've never really asked out someone I met on my own in real life, although I've had success using other methods. I'll update this thread with the result. I will say I'm super nervous about checking my email, lol.


Good stuff! If she says no or doesn't respond it's not the end of the world and just act at work like nothing happened and it'll be fine.

I've asked out a few girls from work before and nothing too strange has ever happened from it whether they accepted or not. I just went to work the next day and was cool and it was like nothing ever happened lol


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Good stuff! If she says no or doesn't respond it's not the end of the world and just act at work like nothing happened and it'll be fine.
> 
> I've asked out a few girls from work before and nothing too strange has ever happened from it whether they accepted or not. I just went to work the next day and was cool and it was like nothing ever happened lol


Yeah lol, that's pretty much how I envision it as well. I'm fairly confident though.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Good stuff! If she says no or doesn't respond it's not the end of the world and just act at work like nothing happened and it'll be fine.
> 
> I've asked out a few girls from work before and nothing too strange has ever happened from it whether they accepted or not. I just went to work the next day and was cool and it was like nothing ever happened lol


Its always cool man. Its all in our head. People are all obsessed with themselves


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Yeah lol, that's pretty much how I envision it as well. I'm fairly confident though.


I've asked out girls by email before. Don't actually rem member how it went


----------



## Goopus

I could take more pride in my appearance. I could try to put myself out there more.


----------



## komorikun

Zeeshan said:


> Why does it bother me when i see decent looking guys with Ugly Girlfriends
> 
> This just happend, i mean this girl was very unattractive (and overweigth) yet i was bothered by it. Why should i let it bother me? I dont know
> 
> I guess it brings up my own insecurities. In a way, i could never feel attracted to a girl like that, i wouldnt be able to kiss her or make love to her or fall in love with her, and yet here is this guy, maybe better looking then me with this girl.


I get yucked out when I see the reverse. A woman who is better looking than me with an unattractive guy. It makes me think that I probably have to date guys I'm not attracted to. Like this summer there was a couple next to me on the plane and I thought the woman was relatively cute. Late 20s maybe but the guy looked to be in his early to late 30s, skinny, and balding. I was thinking...oh god.....  I may as well just give up and become a nun.


----------



## pete24

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I was under the impression that you made a whole host of approaches, Pete. :\


I wish I could mate.

My 1st and second girlfriend were the only women I approached. The 1st I was hitting on her mate and failing, then when she came to the club she was hitting on me. Then the 2nd was in a club when I got introduced to her by a friend who knew her, she had seen me at work. From what I can remember we literally only said "hi" and then started kissing.

Other than that iv had a few drunken attempts at approaching years ago that always resulted in a fail. Women have looked at me and smiled sometimes but unable to bring myself to approach.

If it wasnt for dating sites I would of been single for the last 6 or 7 years


----------



## stoolie

pete24 said:


> Its them, not you.
> 
> Either your message got put to the back of the list as she was flooded with loads more messages off other guys after your message and didnt see it. Or shes spoke to someone she believes is hotter.


Well, I spoke too soon.
She replied in the afternoon the next day, saying that she was busy doing some chores around the house and that the OkCupid app on her phone shows her online all the time, which was the reason I assumed she's ignoring me.

I tried to be more upfront in my messages and told her she looks adorable before she stopped replying. Then I wrote her a messages asking if I scared her off by calling her adorable like the insecure guy I am. :/

Basically I showed her that I am insecure and clingy with my third message only one day after talking to her, like the great catch I am.

The problem is that she's really my type physically and with her character, playing video games and is a bit nerdy in general. This causes me to try way to hard which comes across too needy or too much too fast. I really have to work on that.


----------



## pete24

today i went for pub option. so i get up in 2 minds. think sod it ill go. i get bus. confidence is huge. i manage to remotely make a conversation with a granny at bus stop.

when i get off bus this nice girl was letting people pass n get off before her. i was last to pass her but i stopped. told her she can go in front of me.and she smiled, said thanks. then as i walked further into town she went same way n i noticed her smiling at me.. didnt act on it though but still felt confident walking through town. 

got to the pub. nerve racking as usual being served because of the SA. n now all motivation is lost


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> today i went for pub option. so i get up in 2 minds. think sod it ill go. i get bus. confidence is huge. i manage to remotely make a conversation with a granny at bus stop.
> 
> when i get off bus this nice girl was letting people pass n get off before her. i was last to pass her but i stopped. told her she can go in front of me.and she smiled, said thanks. then as i walked further into town she went same way n i noticed her smiling at me.. didnt act on it though but still felt confident walking through town.
> 
> got to the pub. nerve racking as usual being served because of the SA. n now all motivation is lost


I've been exactly where you are. I still get nervous sometimes going to a bar or talking to people. I think a lot of it is how we think and view the situation, but I also know how the anxiety comes up automatically as well. Have you tried putting some positive affirmations in your head? The very reason you are actually doing this now is because you believe. Once you stop believing then you don't get what you want.

Maybe make a game plan, like you'll talk to 2 or 3 girls in a bar briefly regardless if you like them or not and then just bounce and go home? Little steps work well. The little things you've done so far you should be proud of because you're moving forward with what you want. Nobody goes from point A to point Z without going through steps.


----------



## bsd3355

Here are some ideas for going out and meeting people:

-No one really cares what you are doing
-Nothing bad will happen
-If I get rejected multiple times it's OK because everyone does and it's part of the process
-It doesn't matter what I say just as long as I move things forward and am nice


etc.. etc..

Anyone can come up with their own affirmations. A lot of the times you need to make affirmations for the specific instance you want to do.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Here are some ideas for going out and meeting people:
> 
> -No one really cares what you are doing
> -Nothing bad will happen
> -If I get rejected multiple times it's OK because everyone does and it's part of the process
> -It doesn't matter what I say just as long as I move things forward and am nice
> 
> etc.. etc..
> 
> Anyone can come up with their own affirmations. A lot of the times you need to make affirmations for the specific instance you want to do.


-No one really cares what you are doing-That is right. People suffer from a psychological phenomina called the spotlight effect. it makes us feel we are the centre of all attention, when in reality everyone is only looking out for themselves. 
-Nothing bad will happen-Of course nothing bad will happen. What could happen, jeesh we are just talking to someone. 
-If I get rejected multiple times it's OK because everyone does and it's part of the process-What is rejection? Its not like we lose money or time, the real currencies of life
-It doesn't matter what I say just as long as I move things forward and am nice
-Exactly its all about persistance, preserverance, and transparency


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Here are some ideas for going out and meeting people:
> 
> -No one really cares what you are doing
> -Nothing bad will happen
> -If I get rejected multiple times it's OK because everyone does and it's part of the process
> -It doesn't matter what I say just as long as I move things forward and am nice
> 
> etc.. etc..
> 
> Anyone can come up with their own affirmations. A lot of the times you need to make affirmations for the specific instance you want to do.


Great post, this is all true.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> I've been exactly where you are. I still get nervous sometimes going to a bar or talking to people. I think a lot of it is how we think and view the situation, but I also know how the anxiety comes up automatically as well. Have you tried putting some positive affirmations in your head? The very reason you are actually doing this now is because you believe. Once you stop believing then you don't get what you want.
> 
> Maybe make a game plan, like you'll talk to 2 or 3 girls in a bar briefly regardless if you like them or not and then just bounce and go home? Little steps work well. The little things you've done so far you should be proud of because you're moving forward with what you want. Nobody goes from point A to point Z without going through steps.


Probably its due to some nervous disease that runs in my family that I am 99% likely of getting in a few years, although it shows its symptoms way before diagnosis.

On my visit I literally spoke to nobody. Girl was smiling at me in pub then 2 minutes later she meets a guy who was working behind the bar but finished for the day, kissed him n went off with him, so blatantly was her bf that she was waiting for n only smiled because she thought I was this low life, alcoholic person whos the type her boyfriend serves every day.

On way back I went to buy a massive bottle of booze, went in shop, saw 2 hotties, they smiled n I said excuse me as I went past them... I looked round the shop to not make it seem obvious I was buying a massive bottle of booze to drown my sorrows, then in the shop they started singing xmas songs... I then realised they had school blazers on and were about 15....

Spent out I realise im not going to be about in public until next Monday when I arrive at the pub again... and only because my mum would of lent me cash to pay bills, Another predictable fail with no result....


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Probably its due to some nervous disease that runs in my family that I am 99% likely of getting in a few years, although it shows its symptoms way before diagnosis.
> 
> On my visit I literally spoke to nobody. Girl was smiling at me in pub then 2 minutes later she meets a guy who was working behind the bar but finished for the day, kissed him n went off with him, so blatantly was her bf that she was waiting for n only smiled because she thought I was this low life, alcoholic person whos the type her boyfriend serves every day.
> 
> On way back I went to buy a massive bottle of booze, went in shop, saw 2 hotties, they smiled n I said excuse me as I went past them... I looked round the shop to not make it seem obvious I was buying a massive bottle of booze to drown my sorrows, then in the shop they started singing xmas songs... I then realised they had school blazers on and were about 15....
> 
> Spent out I realise im not going to be about in public until next Monday when I arrive at the pub again... and only because my mum would of lent me cash to pay bills, Another predictable fail with no result....


You do realize that you're an alcoholic, right? I don't mean that in an offensive way, I feel like I'm only stating the obvious. It seems pretty clear to me just based on the sheer volume of your posts that mention drinking and the pub...


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Probably its due to some nervous disease that runs in my family that I am 99% likely of getting in a few years, although it shows its symptoms way before diagnosis.
> 
> On my visit I literally spoke to nobody. Girl was smiling at me in pub then 2 minutes later she meets a guy who was working behind the bar but finished for the day, kissed him n went off with him, so blatantly was her bf that she was waiting for n only smiled because she thought I was this low life, alcoholic person whos the type her boyfriend serves every day.
> 
> On way back I went to buy a massive bottle of booze, went in shop, saw 2 hotties, they smiled n I said excuse me as I went past them... I looked round the shop to not make it seem obvious I was buying a massive bottle of booze to drown my sorrows, then in the shop they started singing xmas songs... I then realised they had school blazers on and were about 15....
> 
> Spent out I realise im not going to be about in public until next Monday when I arrive at the pub again... and only because my mum would of lent me cash to pay bills, Another predictable fail with no result....


For the love of God get out of that forsaken town n onto the real world


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Probably its due to some nervous disease that runs in my family that I am 99% likely of getting in a few years, although it shows its symptoms way before diagnosis.
> 
> On my visit I literally spoke to nobody. Girl was smiling at me in pub then 2 minutes later she meets a guy who was working behind the bar but finished for the day, kissed him n went off with him, so blatantly was her bf that she was waiting for n only smiled because she thought I was this low life, alcoholic person whos the type her boyfriend serves every day.
> 
> On way back I went to buy a massive bottle of booze, went in shop, saw 2 hotties, they smiled n I said excuse me as I went past them... I looked round the shop to not make it seem obvious I was buying a massive bottle of booze to drown my sorrows, then in the shop they started singing xmas songs... I then realised they had school blazers on and were about 15....
> 
> Spent out I realise im not going to be about in public until next Monday when I arrive at the pub again... and only because my mum would of lent me cash to pay bills, Another predictable fail with no result....


**** man, you really need some help right now. Booze won't do you any good.

Stop thinking you're helpless. You aren't helpless. You're not the only one who if is despaired feels the way you do because everyone does. You need to get back on your feet and go out in the world and make it a world you'd like to live in--all the things you want to do in life go after them! You only live but a short time. Are you gonna feel sorry for yourself and stay miserable or are you gonna stand up on your feet and make this life the way you want it to be!

Go pick up some good books, get motivated. Get some coaching from youtube and get support from family and friends. Most importantly, Zeeshan is right, NO ONE is going to get you out of your funk but you. I experience what youi experience every time I go out when I can't talk to girls but my view on it is much different because I developed the understanding that I can move forward after a bad night and the next night, or even the same night, as the potential to be glorious. You currently are now training your mental toughness with regard to this subject. You need more time. Stop being so damn hard on yourself


----------



## srschirm

I need some psyching up right now...I'm so freaking scared to open my email to see if she replied. I'm feeling pathetic right now, but at least I sent the email.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> i need some psyching up right now...i'm so freaking scared to open my email to see if she replied. I'm feeling pathetic right now, but at least i sent the email.


YOu GOT THIS SEÑOR!!!!


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm feeling kinda jaded after the Saturday approaches.

A couple of girls just randomly walked away as soon as I approached them.

To be fair, one of them was on the phone so.....


----------



## Sourdog

Man, it's so difficult to work up the courage to talk to random girls in highschool. I need some motivation guys.....


----------



## srschirm

Sourdog said:


> Man, it's so difficult to work up the courage to talk to random girls in highschool. I need some motivation guys.....


Is talking to them worse than being alone every day?


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Is talking to them worse than being alone every day?


Pain has always been a great motivator. Probably the best


----------



## Fenren

Never mind my SA issues, living situation and having a crap paid job. The main reason I can't get a females interest is because I'm just an ugly *******!


----------



## bsd3355

If anybody has any questions about anything this thread is the place to ask. There isn't a question I don't think can't be answered here. I personally feel like I have a pretty good understanding of everything. This is a thread for motivation and support so use it to your advantage if you need guidance!


----------



## bsd3355

When I first started approaching I kept a record of every approach I did up until the 100th approach. It was a good way to stay motivated and see how my output was getting me results. Sometimes we think we are doing a lot but unless you are actually asking for numbers or dates you aren't doing anything besides maybe trying to configure yourself, which is only half of it. You need to do approaching and you need to talk to women and ask for numbers or dates.

Try to set goals every week or everyday and write them down and keep a journal or record of all your interactions. Goals will keep you motivated and on track and the journal or record will help you see your progress,etc.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> When I first started approaching I kept a record of every approach I did up until the 100th approach. It was a good way to stay motivated and see how my output was getting me results. Sometimes we think we are doing a lot but unless you are actually asking for numbers or dates you aren't doing anything besides maybe trying to configure yourself, which is only half of it. You need to do approaching and you need to talk to women and ask for numbers or dates.
> 
> Try to set goals every week or everyday and write them down and keep a journal or record of all your interactions. Goals will keep you motivated and on track and the journal or record will help you see your progress,etc.


 What do you talk about with girls you approach, like just anything?


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> What do you talk about with girls you approach, like just anything?


You can literally talk about anything. One of the biggest misconceptions men hear in the dating community is they shouldn't be themselves or they shouldn't ask the "normal" questions (where are they from, what do they do, etc.). The truth is you can say anything! There are no rules besides that you take initiative, talk to the girl and try to move things forward via a number or a date. All the other stuff people worry about like flirting and stuff will come naturally if the vibe is right. Don't worry about that stuff and just talk and ask questions about anything. There are no rules. Do no limit yourself on what to say. If you limit yourself you are only making it harder on yourself and making the interaction stifled and limiting a chance of a real connection.

The rules of talking to girls:
1. Say anything!

That's it.

In your instance since you are 18 and probably in college or high school, you can talk about class, teachers, school work, majors, careers, ANYTHING.

If you want more specific answers give more specific questions.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> When I first started approaching I kept a record of every approach I did up until the 100th approach. It was a good way to stay motivated and see how my output was getting me results. Sometimes we think we are doing a lot but unless you are actually asking for numbers or dates you aren't doing anything besides maybe trying to configure yourself, which is only half of it. You need to do approaching and you need to talk to women and ask for numbers or dates.
> 
> Try to set goals every week or everyday and write them down and keep a journal or record of all your interactions. Goals will keep you motivated and on track and the journal or record will help you see your progress,etc.





bwidger85 said:


> You can literally talk about anything. One of the biggest misconceptions men hear in the dating community is they shouldn't be themselves or they shouldn't ask the "normal" questions (where are they from, what do they do, etc.). The truth is you can say anything! There are no rules besides that you take initiative, talk to the girl and try to move things forward via a number or a date. All the other stuff people worry about like flirting and stuff will come naturally if the vibe is right. Don't worry about that stuff and just talk and ask questions about anything. There are no rules. Do no limit yourself on what to say. If you limit yourself you are only making it harder on yourself and making the interaction stifled and limiting a chance of a real connection.
> 
> The rules of talking to girls:
> 1. Say anything!
> 
> That's it.
> 
> In your instance since you are 18 and probably in college or high school, you can talk about class, teachers, school work, majors, careers, ANYTHING.
> 
> If you want more specific answers give more specific questions.


Thanks, that actually helped alot. Also, how do you get over the anxiety of caring what people think around you. I find that I avoid these situation because I think people will be laughing at me.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Thanks, that actually helped alot. Also, how do you get over the anxiety of caring what people think around you. I find that I avoid these situation because I think people will be laughing at me.


This is the one thing I have yet completely overcame, but for the most part you do it anyway.

If you can pinpoint the exact fears or thoughts you have that keep you from approaching that will be helpful. Once you do that you can challenge those fears and realize them once they pop up.

Example...

Negative thought:
"People will think I am weird for approaching"

Positive thought:
"No one really cares as much I as I think. In reality, they could care less just as long as they aren't involved"

That is just one example. Once you sincerely feel confident about the change of thoughts you made, WRITE THEM DOWN and try to remember them when you want to meet girls. Think of any situation where you feel fear and then sit down and try to challenge the negative thoughts like the example above until you feel confident and more comfortable with the new thought. I do this all the time. I sometimes have to do it before I go out if I am in a negative mood. I literally have a smart phone that I put a lot of my notes into. I also have a sticky notepad on my wallpaper for my phone to look at when I feel discouraged; on it has positive affirmations.

We may never 100% completely stop caring what people think, but if you put things into perspective and realize nothing bad will happen then you can at least feel comfortable enough to make the approach and talk to the girl.


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Thanks, that actually helped alot. Also, how do you get over the anxiety of caring what people think around you. I find that I avoid these situation because I think people will be laughing at me.


Practice. Repetition. Positive thinking. More practice. => more confidence in yourself, less reliant on external validation.

The anxiety we experience with SA is based on irrational thinking patterns that have been ingrained into our brain. If you can break those thinking patterns and replace them with more positive, rational ones (e.g. not assuming everyone is thinking negatively of you)...then good things will happen. As far as I'm concerned, the best way to do this is through exposure and positive thinking (CBT techniques).


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm taking rejections too personally. Like I enter into Hulk mode and get really worked up.

On Saturday I almost yelled out "WHAT'S YOUR FKIN PROBLEM" after some girl just walked off after I started talking to her.

It's really hard to control my temper when some b!tch gets an attitude.


----------



## Melon

Ivan AG said:


> I'm taking rejections too personally. Like I enter into Hulk mode and get really worked up.
> 
> On Saturday I almost yelled out "WHAT'S YOUR FKIN PROBLEM" after some girl just walked off after I started talking to her.
> 
> It's really hard to control my temper when some b!tch gets an attitude.


And this is why I ignore women, rejection scares me, the humiliation at least and especially if your going to be bumping into them every now and then.

I'm more of a person who just walks off quiet thinking 'fine, so be it' etc. I keep it to myself but I will work very hard to avoid them.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> As far as I'm concerned, the best way to do this is through exposure and positive thinking (CBT techniques).


I agree. You can't just think positive thoughts, you also have to take action. You cannot become truly confident just by thinking positive thoughts. You have to have experiences as well.


----------



## Sourdog

Thanks guys what you say makes sense. Now i'm definately gonna take action tomorrow wish me luck.


----------



## bsd3355

^ Good luck!


I'll be approaching tomorrow too!


----------



## pete24

No approaching today but several things....

Girl I know remotely was chatting me up on FB...then admits she has BF.
Someone else chatted me up (cant remember though, or what happened, was drunk)


and the best.....


Spoke back n forth to this pof girl and then she dropped me a really sweet line:


"just had a nose through your profiile and fair play you seem like a really nice guy! i've only been on here a few hours and i'm sick of the sleazes already! your profile made me smile at that bit  x"

Absolutely classic ... Shes added me to faves. 


edit: oh and women who want to "meet me" is now up to 57..... hmmm

edit 2: POF has gone large. 4 inbox messages off totally random girls who initiated 1st (3 are really hot). 2 other "long shot" women have replied to messages I sent, 64 "meet me" 's.... what the hell


----------



## Owl-99

komorikun said:


> I get yucked out when I see the reverse. A woman who is better looking than me with an unattractive guy. It makes me think that I probably have to date guys I'm not attracted to. Like this summer there was a couple next to me on the plane and I thought the woman was relatively cute. Late 20s maybe but the guy looked to be in his early to late 30s, skinny, and balding. I was thinking...oh god.....  I may as well just give up and become a nun.


Is reality starting to sting a bit ?


----------



## Owl-99

komorikun said:


> Hopefully things will be better in Miami. The guys are much hotter there than here (mostly scrawny white/asian guys). If not well, I will get 2-3 cats and just bang young guys a couple times a month until menopause and forget about relationships.
> 
> Supposedly the sex ratio is good in the silicon valley but the majority of those guys are not the most attractive.


Superficial tastes in relationships never work, I guess some people have to find that out the hard way. :yes


----------



## komorikun

bigblue38 said:


> Superficial tastes in relationships never work, I guess some people have to find that out the hard way. :yes


If I cringe at the thought of kissing a guy....it's probably not a good idea to go on a date with him, right?


----------



## pete24

Stuff with POF girl went amazingly....

Shes hot, funny, seems legit....N asked for my number.

I took you guys advice from before n asked to phone her. We spoke for 4 hours, endless convo. Didnt crap myself, played it well.

Now shes really liking me more, thinks im super hot (I think same about her) and.... we are gonna meet.

This has been awesome as I aint met a girl half as hot as her since my ex, even her voice is a major turn on... 

Cheers for past and present advice all (mostly zee, bwidger and rymo) you speak true words!!!!


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Stuff with POF girl went amazingly....
> 
> Shes hot, funny, seems legit....N asked for my number.
> 
> I took you guys advice from before n asked to phone her. We spoke for 4 hours, endless convo. Didnt crap myself, played it well.
> 
> Now shes really liking me more, thinks im super hot (I think same about her) and.... we are gonna meet.
> 
> This has been awesome as I aint met a girl half as hot as her since my ex, even her voice is a major turn on...
> 
> Cheers for past and present advice all (mostly zee, bwidger and rymo) you speak true words!!!!


Sweet GL


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Hopefully things will be better in Miami. The guys are much hotter there than here (mostly scrawny white/asian guys). If not well, I will get 2-3 cats and just bang young guys a couple times a month until menopause and forget about relationships.
> 
> Supposedly the sex ratio is good in the silicon valley but the majority of those guys are not the most attractive.


You sound kind of bitter to me. I see videos you put online and the stuff you say about guys all the time like we are pigs and everything then you say you bang 2 dudes a month as a joke (probably reality). If you keep hooking up with guys that are good looking but can't land a relationship I find that a little odd. Are you even trying to keep in contact with these guys or do you not even try?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Stuff with POF girl went amazingly....
> 
> Shes hot, funny, seems legit....N asked for my number.
> 
> I took you guys advice from before n asked to phone her. We spoke for 4 hours, endless convo. Didnt crap myself, played it well.
> 
> Now shes really liking me more, thinks im super hot (I think same about her) and.... we are gonna meet.
> 
> This has been awesome as I aint met a girl half as hot as her since my ex, even her voice is a major turn on...
> 
> Cheers for past and present advice all (mostly zee, bwidger and rymo) you speak true words!!!!


See calling better then texting


----------



## Ivan AG

Right now I feel like my perspective/view on approaching is sabotaging me from the start.

I view it as a chore that's both unpleasant and embarrassing. I don't do approach because I have good intentions in mind (getting into a nice relationship, improving myself) but because I "want to get it over with".

It's like washing the dishes or taking out the trash.

I think the women I approach kind of sense this as well because they don't respond too well.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Right now I feel like my perspective/view on approaching is sabotaging me from the start.
> 
> I view it as a chore that's both unpleasant and embarrassing. I don't do approach because I have good intentions in mind (getting into a nice relationship, improving myself) but because I "want to get it over with".
> 
> It's like washing the dishes or taking out the trash.
> 
> I think the women I approach kind of sense this as well because they don't respond too well.


It's going to be like that for a bit. That's just how it goes man. I haven't approached anyone in a while and when I do I'm going to feel the same way because I'm not used to it anymore. For me, it will be like riding a bike to get comfortable with it again. For you, since you haven't done it a whole lot, it's more like learning for the first time. But you'll definitely break through to the point where it's no big deal. You'll even start to feel pleasure when doing it if you do it enough.

Btw how many girls have you approached recently? I didn't mean to imply with my bike analogy that you haven't approached a lot of girls, that's just the sense I've gotten from your posts here. But I am curious - what is your level of experience with this stuff?


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> It's going to be like that for a bit. That's just how it goes man. I haven't approached anyone in a while and when I do I'm going to feel the same way because I'm not used to it anymore. For me, it will be like riding a bike to get comfortable with it again. For you, since you haven't done it a whole lot, it's more like learning for the first time. But you'll definitely break through to the point where it's no big deal. You'll even start to feel pleasure when doing it if you do it enough.
> 
> Btw how many girls have you approached recently? I didn't mean to imply with my bike analogy that you haven't approached a lot of girls, that's just the sense I've gotten from your posts here. But I am curious - what is your level of experience with this stuff?


How many girls have I approached? Around 10 or so. I usually approach once or twice a week with a friend from an SAD meetup that I met recently.

We kind of encourage each other and go approaching together.

My level of experience? Minimal at best. Almost non-existant.

I just get really jaded by those posts saying "You have to embarrass yourself before you get good."

Wtf, I'm not going out with the intention of making myself look dumb. I'm going out with the intention of getting somewhere with women.

If I focus just on the negative aspects, then I have no motivation to do anything.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> How many girls have I approached? Around 10 or so. I usually approach once or twice a week with a friend from an SAD meetup that I met recently.
> 
> We kind of encourage each other and go approaching together.
> 
> My level of experience? Minimal at best. Almost non-existant.
> 
> I just get really jaded by those posts saying "You have to embarrass yourself before you get good."
> 
> Wtf, I'm not going out with the intention of making myself look dumb. I'm going out with the intention of getting somewhere with women.
> 
> If I focus just on the negative aspects, then I have no motivation to do anything.


So focus on getting somewhere. That's what I did at first. My intention was always to take things as far as they could go. My goal wasn't actually to become some amazing player pickup-artist, it was ONLY to get a girl. Just one. That was my focus. You just have to keep in mind that if it doesn't come right away, that doesn't mean you're a bad person or unattractive or anything like that. It's just part of the game. And you will become more confident as you go as long as you are pushing through those negative rejection feelings and learning from any mistakes you make.


----------



## IT Geek

I haven't approached any women. I'm too insecure about my looks and having been told I'm unattractive in the past, so I figure why even bother. I wouldn't know how to approach a woman anyway. It's been like 18 years since I've been in the dating scene and even then I wasn't good at it. 

Maybe it will change when I lose some weight but I doubt it.


----------



## rymo

IT Geek said:


> I haven't approached any women. I'm too insecure about my looks and having been told I'm unattractive in the past, so I figure why even bother. I wouldn't know how to approach a woman anyway. It's been like 18 years since I've been in the dating scene and *even then I wasn't good at it*.
> 
> Maybe it will change when I lose some weight but I doubt it.


Says the guy who had a foursome...:sus


----------



## bsd3355

I sometimes view it like a chore too, but what in life worthwhile to you comes without effort?


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> I sometimes view it like a chore too, but what in life worthwhile to you comes without effort?


Some things.

Things that I have an active interest in which I find fun.

I've achieved a godly level in tennis for only playing 4-5 years without having to say "Damn, I really busted my *** to get to this level".

Because playing was bliss for me. It wasn't a chore.

Same goes for academic subjects like psychology.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Some things.
> 
> Things that I have an active interest in which I find fun.
> 
> I've achieved a godly level in tennis for only playing 4-5 years without having to say "Damn, I really busted my *** to get to this level".
> 
> Because playing was bliss for me. It wasn't a chore.
> 
> Same goes for academic subjects like psychology.


But some things don't. That's just how it goes. But like I said, once you do it enough - it WILL become enjoyable. And then doing it won't seem like a chore.


----------



## Ivan AG

I get your point.

Plow through the bullsh!t and it will get better with time.

That's basically Owen's advice for beginners. Just go out and plow through.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Some things.
> 
> Things that I have an active interest in which I find fun.
> 
> I've achieved a godly level in tennis for only playing 4-5 years without having to say "Damn, I really busted my *** to get to this level".
> 
> Because playing was bliss for me. It wasn't a chore.
> 
> Same goes for academic subjects like psychology.


True. I feel the same way about a lot of things actually lol

Yeah, just plow through i guess


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> I get your point.
> 
> Plow through the bullsh!t and it will get better with time.
> 
> That's basically Owen's advice for beginners. Just go out and plow through.


Yup. I mean what other option is there really? The only way to get better at something is to practice. If there were some magical shortcut everyone would be a big boss playa.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Yup. I mean what other option is there really? The only way to get better at something is to practice. If there were some magical shortcut everyone would be a big boss playa.


LOL..


----------



## phoenixwright

I think anyone whose struggling with the opposite sex and has poor social skills should take a test for Asperger's syndrome or the autistic spectrum in general. And talk with people on the spectrum. After doing the test, my score identicated that it was very likely I am an Aspie. But my score seems to be a lot lower than most Aspies. That would explain why I'm Aspie-like in some ways but not others.

Talking with aspies has given me some good insight into my situation. The past experiences where I felt "love" were really just chasing a fantasy. Love is more sobering, grounded and stable than the crap you see in fictional love stories.

I suspect rymo and bwidger are just formerly shy guys who have had otherwise normal social development and just needed to take action and put themselves out there. Aspergers is a whole different ball game. I notice the difference when I compare my SA friends with myself. Their social development is normal. They just let shyness hold them back. Meanwhile for me it's just difficult for me to find common ground with people and relate to others. And I am too one-way in my social relationships. So when I have to be a two-way player and pretend to be interested in a person's life, I do a poor job. lol if I put in the effort to care and bond with my platonic friends, I suspect it'll be easier to care and bond with women.

I suspect a lot of guys on this site just want to get laid or otherwise find self-validation from a girl. And I was like that too. But that is the wrong path. Don't listen to pua. They are poison. The only things that matter is accepting yourself, taking a genuine interest in other people, having genuine two-way conversation, connecting with people and being authentic.


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> You sound kind of bitter to me. I see videos you put online and the stuff you say about guys all the time like we are pigs and everything then you say you bang 2 dudes a month as a joke (probably reality). If you keep hooking up with guys that are good looking but can't land a relationship I find that a little odd. Are you even trying to keep in contact with these guys or do you not even try?


Videos I put online?? Are you confusing me with someone else? Refer to guys as pigs?

I haven't banged anyone in 2 years, so no one to keep in contact with.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I think anyone whose struggling with the opposite sex and has poor social skills should take a test for Asperger's syndrome or the autistic spectrum in general. And talk with people on the spectrum. After doing the test, my score identicated that it was very likely I am an Aspie. But my score seems to be a lot lower than most Aspies. That would explain why I'm Aspie-like in some ways but not others.
> 
> Talking with aspies has given me some good insight into my situation. The past experiences where I felt "love" were really just chasing a fantasy. Love is more sobering, grounded and stable than the crap you see in fictional love stories.
> 
> I suspect rymo and bwidger are just formerly shy guys who have had otherwise normal social development and just needed to take action and put themselves out there. Aspergers is a whole different ball game. I notice the difference when I compare my SA friends with myself. Their social development is normal. They just let shyness hold them back. Meanwhile for me it's just difficult for me to find common ground with people and relate to others. And I am too one-way in my social relationships. So when I have to be a two-way player and pretend to be interested in a person's life, I do a poor job. lol


Honestly I've suspected that I had a touch of Asperger's for a long time. I still have a lot of trouble relating to the few friends I have and also really caring for what some people have to say. Feeling disconnected. But it's gotten better over time. I guess the difference between you and I is that while we may both feel disconnected, I _want_ to feel connected, whereas you don't care to as much.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Honestly I've suspected that I had a touch of Asperger's for a long time. I still have a lot of trouble relating to the few friends I have and also really caring for what some people have to say. Feeling disconnected. But it's gotten better over time. I guess the difference between you and I is that while we may both feel disconnected, I _want_ to feel connected, whereas you don't care to as much.


youre right. I am curious about feeling connected. But that desire is rooted in fantasy (ie. love stories). And whatever "love" I felt with girls was just a playing out of that fantasy. It wasn't real. I need to figure out what it is that I want. And im doing that by dating and socializing. Because I know that the fantasy is just a fantasy. That's not real love. The interaction with the blonde is very sobering. That's why it feels weird. I an attracted to the intoxicating love because it feels good. But there's no substance there to hold it together.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Videos I put online?? Are you confusing me with someone else? Refer to guys as pigs?
> 
> I haven't banged anyone in 2 years, so no one to keep in contact with.


I meant in the forum, but it was only one video (probably shouldn't of said "videos"). I always thought you thought guys were that way so maybe that was my misinterpretation.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> youre right. I am curious about feeling connected. But that desire is rooted in fantasy (ie. love stories). And whatever "love" I felt with girls was just a playing out of that fantasy. It wasn't real. I need to figure out what it is that I want. And im doing that by dating and socializing. Because I know that the fantasy is just a fantasy. That's not real love. The interaction with the blonde is very sobering. That's why it feels weird. I an attracted to the intoxicating love because it feels good. But there's no substance there to hold it together.


Did you call her or what?


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> I meant in the forum, but it was only one video (probably shouldn't of said "videos"). I always thought you thought guys were that way so maybe that was my misinterpretation.


Which video was that?


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Advice on trying to hook up/ask out friends? If I would get rejected I'd still see them, they'd talk to mutual friends about it, etc.


----------



## rymo

StevenGlansberg said:


> Advice on trying to hook up/ask out friends? If I would get rejected I'd still see them, they'd talk to mutual friends about it, etc.


What's wrong if they talk about it? It just means you're confident enough to go for what you want. They can talk about it all they want! As for seeing them again, as long as you don't act like a creeper and keep pursuing things if you get rejected, then it's all good. It's a common misconception that girls will just stop being your friend forever if you ask them out.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Which video was that?


The one with the guys in the men locker room bragging about how they "gave it to her" and stuff. I hear you talking about how guys only want sex all the time and how men creep and sneak on you when a guy's back is turned at a bar, etc., it just seems a little bitter and angry on your part.


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> The one with the guys in the men locker room bragging about how they "gave it to her" and stuff. I hear you talking about how guys only want sex all the time and how men creep and sneak on you when a guy's back is turned at a bar, etc., it just seems a little bitter and angry on your part.


Oh, that one. That was comedy. I thought it was funny.

Here it is:






It is true that many guys are searching for casual sex. It can be hard to deal with that sometimes you know. End up wasting a lot of time on guys who are only interested in sex.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Oh, that one. That was comedy. I thought it was funny.
> 
> It is true that many guys are searching for casual sex. It can be hard to deal with that sometimes you know. End up wasting a lot of time on guys who are only interested in sex.


Yeah, i get that and that's got to be frustrating.


----------



## Barette

That video is friggin' hilarious. I love Little Britain so much, I need to watch that USA version


----------



## srschirm

srschirm said:


> Okay so what I just did was this: there is a new girl at my second job. I trained her some. On Thanksgiving we talked at work and I found out we were both basically alone for the holiday, and also some other things in common. Neither of us have family in the immediate area. I told her I would scan and email the store schedule she wasn't able to pick up yet. So I did that and asked if she wanted to get coffee sometime in the email. Believe it or not I've never really asked out someone I met on my own in real life, although I've had success using other methods. I'll update this thread with the result. I will say I'm super nervous about checking my email, lol.


So I emailed her but it bounced back, and I tried a couple times. So I looked her up on facebook and let her know what happened. Awaiting a response...


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> So I emailed her but it bounced back, and I tried a couple times. So I looked her up on facebook and let her know what happened. Awaiting a response...


Good luck mah brotha


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> So I emailed her but it bounced back, and I tried a couple times. So I looked her up on facebook and let her know what happened. Awaiting a response...


It bounced back? You mean the email didn't send?


----------



## bsd3355

well, i just typed a really cool freaking post then it got erased! gr


anyway, i approached two girls today around 3pm at campus and got two numbers. the first one was kind of strange because i said she was cute while she was kind of walking away and when she was about 4 feet away asked if she liked to text because she was smiling. she turned around and said yes to my surprise. i never push for a number that much but i did this time and it worked. she even got my number, so the experience was kind of strange. i haven't told a girl i just met she was cute for a while but she seemed in a rush and i wanted to keep talking to her. she said she was on a way to a meeting.

the second girl i stopped in a wide open space near a field area where lots of traffic is at school. i wasn't self-conscious about asking for directions but after i said she was cute and asked for her number i immediately felt like everyone was watching me even though i didn't look around. she said she did text and then she said shortly after she's kind of seeing someone so i asked if it was ok if i texted her and she said yeah and gave me her number anyway. i think she was pretty pressured though so that's probably why she did it.

ideally, i don't like putting pressure like i did this time to get a number but when the girls are walking and you try to start a conversation it is kind of difficult unless you have the right vibe and stuff but i was completely low energy and been kind of emotional these last few days, but it still worked.

i doubt anything will happen from these numbers but you never know. you play with what you get and hope for the best. that's how it goes


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> well, i just typed a really cool freaking post then it got erased! gr
> 
> anyway, i approached two girls today around 3pm at campus and got two numbers. the first one was kind of strange because i said she was cute while she was kind of walking away and when she was about 4 feet away asked if she had a number because she was smiling. she turned around and said yes to my surprise. i never push for a number that much but i did this time and it worked. she even got my number, so the experience was kind of strange. i haven't told a girl i just met she was cute for a while but she seemed in a rush and i wanted to keep talking to her. she said she was on a way to a meeting.
> 
> the second girl i stopped in a wide open space near a field area where lots of traffic is at school. i wasn't self-conscious about asking for directions but after i said she was cute and asked for her number i immediately felt like everyone was watching me even though i didn't look around. she said she did text and then she said shortly after she's kind of seeing someone so i asked if it was ok if i texted her and she said yeah and gave me her number anyway. i think she was pretty pressured though so that's probably why she did it.
> 
> ideally, i don't like putting pressure like i did this time to get a number but when the girls are walking and you try to start a conversation it is kind of difficult unless you have the right vibe and stuff but i was completely low energy and been kind of emotional these last few days, but it still worked.
> 
> i doubt anything will happen from these numbers but you never know. you play with what you get and hope for the best. that's how it goes


Wow. I need to come up to your neck of the woods so I can be your wingman.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Wow. I need to come up to your neck of the woods so I can be your wingman.


:b

You are welcome to if you'd like sometime, seriously. But it's not like I'm doing anything special. I'm just taken just enough risks to get numbers.


----------



## stoolie

srschirm said:


> Wow. I need to come up to your neck of the woods so I can be your wingman.


Exactly. What I would give to have a buddy like that. Kicking my *** to finally approach a girl.

I can't even complete the first challenge to say hi to an attractive girl.
I don't meet a lot of girls and even less that I find attractive.

There are 3 or 4 at work right now, but I only see them at lunch time and never had any contact with them, so it's almost impossible find an opportunity to talk to them.


----------



## Sourdog

Damn, I didn't do any approaches today I was too scared.  I made eye contact with a girl and thats it. I'm dissapointed with myself.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Damn, I didn't do any approaches today I was too scared.  I made eye contact with a girl and thats it. I'm dissapointed with myself.


Don't be keep pushing yourself out there drops of water turn into ocean


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Exactly. What I would give to have a buddy like that. Kicking my *** to finally approach a girl.
> 
> I can't even complete the first challenge to say hi to an attractive girl.
> I don't meet a lot of girls and even less that I find attractive.
> 
> There are 3 or 4 at work right now, but I only see them at lunch time and never had any contact with them, so it's almost impossible find an opportunity to talk to them.


You probably don't meet a lot of girls you find attractive because you aren't going to places where they are at. Obviously bars and colleges are good spots. Malls are also good depending on how busy the mall is. Stores are OK.

As far as comparing yourself to the challenges rymo made, it doesn't really matter. I think most people here are capable of meeting girls. You just need a little bit of confidence and you'll see it's not the difficult to do, but you need to be consistent with it as well because rejection happens. Maybe a wingman would be good for you.

Btw, I found out the first girl I approached is 23 because we've been texting-- kind of surprising, I think everyone is younger! I asked her out for some coffee at Starbucks. She said she would if she has the time and said she'd get back to me on that. I'm not going to push it. If she wants to go she'll let me know. Usually what happens between now and the date is she either flake or will get back to me; it's one or the other; I think she'll flake but will see. I'm going to leave it in her court to decide for now. The other girl hasn't texted me back yet and she probably won't ever.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> :b
> 
> You are welcome to if you'd like sometime, seriously. But it's not like I'm doing anything special. I'm just taken just enough risks to get numbers.


Thanks bro, we'll definitely have to do that sometime. :yes


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> It bounced back? You mean the email didn't send?


Yeah it didn't send, so I found her on Facebook instead and let her know. Which changes things a bit, but I know I'll still ask her to hang out.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Good luck mah brotha


Gracias from Sr. Schirm.


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok I suggested a second date with the girl. She countered by suggesting a place near her place. We are on for next week.



Zeeshan said:


> Did you call her or what?


We talked on the phone a bit the day before we went on our date. After the date, we've been texting. It's been 3 days since our date so I probably should suggest we go on a second soon. I noticed that she uploaded a new pic on OkCupid so either it's typical for girls to play the field or maybe she feels that I'm not really interested if I haven't asked her out to a second date yet. She did let me pay for her share on the date (and said she'd get the next one) and she initiated a text convo with me the day after.

She seems like a nice girl and pretty. Not quite my physical type though. Her weight isn't really an issue because I've lusted after women who were her size before and she's one of those people who don't seem to photograph well (I'm the same way. But I always put my best pics up online). But I tend to be more of a brunette man. Not into blondes very much (unless she's smoking like the anime girl in my avatar. Or like Penny from Big Bang Theory or youtube celebrity Jenna Marbles). Extroverted, party girl type. This makes conversation easier. I'm not sure what to think of her beyond that yet.


----------



## Owl-99

komorikun said:


> If I cringe at the thought of kissing a guy....it's probably not a good idea to go on a date with him, right?


Agreed every relationship needs some kind of physical chemistry, but if that is your only criteria you are going to have a series of very short relationships.


----------



## komorikun

bigblue38 said:


> Agreed every relationship needs some kind of physical chemistry, but if that is your only criteria you are going to have a series of very short relationships.


There are other criteria.

liberal
atheist/agnostic
likes cats
warm personality
doesn't have a temper
on the shy side with few friends
vegetarian

It's hard to find male vegetarians though and so many guys are very social with lots of friends.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

komorikun said:


> There are other criteria.
> 
> liberal
> atheist/agnostic
> likes cats
> warm personality
> doesn't have a temper
> on the shy side with few friends
> vegetarian
> It's hard to find male vegetarians though and so many guys are very social with lots of friends.


liberal= lol
atheist/agnostic= yes
likes cats= gross
warm personality= sometimes
doesn't have a temper= no guarantees
on the shy side with few friends= yes
vegetarian= LMFAO


----------



## SoWrongItsRight

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> liberal= lol
> atheist/agnostic= yes
> *likes cats= gross*
> warm personality= sometimes
> doesn't have a temper= no guarantees
> on the shy side with few friends= yes
> vegetarian= LMFAO


You crazy


----------



## RelinquishedHell

SoWrongItsRight said:


> You crazy


My dog likes cats :twisted


----------



## SoWrongItsRight

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> My dog likes cats :twisted


I <3 cats. I have mixed feelings when it comes to dogs


----------



## RelinquishedHell

SoWrongItsRight said:


> I <3 cats. I have mixed feelings when it comes to dogs


My big slobbery rottweiler is the best :3


----------



## komorikun

Oh yes, I prefer men who do not own dogs bigger than a pug. Cause I know what dog owners do. They let the stinky thing sleep on the bed and many also let the dog lick their face. uke


----------



## phoenixwright

liberal = yes
atheist/agnostic = yes
likes cats = yes but I'm more of a dog lover
warm personality = yes
doesn't have a temper = so as long as the woman ain't crazy
on the shy side with few friends = yes
vegetarian = oh hells no. lol. I love veal sandwiches. I'm practically the anti-christ to a vegetarian or vegan.


----------



## SoWrongItsRight

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> My big slobbery rottweiler is the best :3


Noo, I don't like dog slobbers :no


----------



## RelinquishedHell

SoWrongItsRight said:


> Noo, I don't like dog slobbers :no


You would learn to love his big slobbery kisses :b


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> well, i just typed a really cool freaking post then it got erased! gr
> 
> anyway, i approached two girls today around 3pm at campus and got two numbers. the first one was kind of strange because i said she was cute while she was kind of walking away and when she was about 4 feet away asked if she liked to text because she was smiling. she turned around and said yes to my surprise. i never push for a number that much but i did this time and it worked. she even got my number, so the experience was kind of strange. i haven't told a girl i just met she was cute for a while but she seemed in a rush and i wanted to keep talking to her. she said she was on a way to a meeting.
> 
> the second girl i stopped in a wide open space near a field area where lots of traffic is at school. i wasn't self-conscious about asking for directions but after i said she was cute and asked for her number i immediately felt like everyone was watching me even though i didn't look around. she said she did text and then she said shortly after she's kind of seeing someone so i asked if it was ok if i texted her and she said yeah and gave me her number anyway. i think she was pretty pressured though so that's probably why she did it.
> 
> ideally, i don't like putting pressure like i did this time to get a number but when the girls are walking and you try to start a conversation it is kind of difficult unless you have the right vibe and stuff but i was completely low energy and been kind of emotional these last few days, but it still worked.
> 
> i doubt anything will happen from these numbers but you never know. you play with what you get and hope for the best. that's how it goes


How is it that you havent run out of girls at this campus lol, well you are the master cause you can do something i clearly havent been able to.

The first girl seemed interesting, did she text back?


----------



## Classified

komorikun said:


> There are other criteria.
> 
> liberal
> atheist/agnostic
> likes cats
> warm personality
> doesn't have a temper
> on the shy side with few friends
> vegetarian
> 
> It's hard to find male vegetarians though and so many guys are very social with lots of friends.


Sorry, it's me or the cats. I am very allergic and I prefer not to contract toxoplasmosis.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Ok I suggested a second date with the girl. She countered by suggesting a place near her place. We are on for next week.
> 
> We talked on the phone a bit the day before we went on our date. After the date, we've been texting. It's been 3 days since our date so I probably should suggest we go on a second soon. I noticed that she uploaded a new pic on OkCupid so either it's typical for girls to play the field or maybe she feels that I'm not really interested if I haven't asked her out to a second date yet. She did let me pay for her share on the date (and said she'd get the next one) and she initiated a text convo with me the day after.
> 
> She seems like a nice girl and pretty. Not quite my physical type though. Her weight isn't really an issue because I've lusted after women who were her size before and she's one of those people who don't seem to photograph well (I'm the same way. But I always put my best pics up online). But I tend to be more of a brunette man. Not into blondes very much (unless she's smoking like the anime girl in my avatar. Or like Penny from Big Bang Theory or youtube celebrity Jenna Marbles). Extroverted, party girl type. This makes conversation easier. I'm not sure what to think of her beyond that yet.


Its allright if you arent interested, you arent interested. If she initiated the convo then i think she would be very interested.

I think you should ask her out again, even if you arent that interested, you could grow more into her. She could be good for you,

Cant tell you how many dates ive been on on, where the girl didnt reinitiate. Of course i wasnt interested neither so i didnt either anyways


----------



## Zeeshan

So i have been thinking about rejection. I think one of the last hurdles for me psychologically is rejection. How do people here deal with rejection.

consider that if someone rejects you, then they are basically saying that they dont want you. How do you not let that depreciate your value? 

So you ask out a girl, then you get rejected (Ive had both positive and negative reactions), but then i always think oh man, she doesnt want me. That means i am lessor of a person? What does it mean? How can i make it mean something else?


----------



## komorikun

Classified said:


> Sorry, it's me or the cats. I am very allergic and I prefer not to contract toxoplasmosis.


In order to get toxoplasmosis from cats you would have to touch their feces with your hands and then put your fingers in your mouth. The turds would have to have been sitting in the box for over a day. That is if the cats have the disease in the first place. Anyways, lots of people have it and it doesn't cause much of any problems.

Most people get toxoplasmosis from eating raw or partly cooked meat, not from touching cat turds.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis#Transmission

Too bad about your allergy though. You will never experience the joys of cat companionship. Do you have other allergies as well?


----------



## bsd3355

I'm pretty zoned out right now, but I'll try to answer your questions...



Zeeshan said:


> consider that if someone rejects you, then they are basically saying that they dont want you. How do you not let that depreciate your value?


Go to this video and _start watching from 13:20_. This will give you an idea of why I am not that discouraged from rejection anymore. I sincerely believe this about meeting girls, at least for me.



> So you ask out a girl, then you get rejected (Ive had both positive and negative reactions), but then i always think oh man, she doesnt want me. That means i am lessor of a person? What does it mean? How can i make it mean something else?


You are whatever you decide you are. All I can say is you just keep approaching, getting rejected, dating, and meeting girls and you build up enough experiences that tell you are good enough for a lot of girls because eventually you'll be dating the girls you approach. The trick is, is to not get so down on yourself, stay positive and be persistent.

You can't make a rejection something else, but it doesn't matter because you're just going through the motion that 99.9% of people face. Some take longer to find someone and some don't; some get rejected more and some don't--big deal! People get together for a multitude of reasons. Some girls aren't going to like you and some will. It's all about going through the process of rejections and dating to weed out those who aren't interested and finding the ones who are. When you find them you'll forget about all the rejections and the girl in front of you will be 100xs more rewarding in every way. Not only can this happen once, but it happens all the time if you just accept it as part of the process and keep moving forward.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I'm pretty zoned out right now, but I'll try to answer your questions...
> 
> Go to this video and _start watching from 13:20_. This will give you an idea of why I am not that discouraged from rejection anymore. I sincerely believe this about meeting girls, at least for me.
> 
> You are whatever you decide you are. All I can say is you just keep approaching, getting rejected, dating, and meeting girls and you build up enough experiences that tell you are good enough for a lot of girls because eventually you'll be dating the girls you approach. The trick is, is to not get so down on yourself, stay positive and be persistent.
> 
> You can't make a rejection something else, but it doesn't matter because you're just going through the motion that 99.9% of people face. Some take longer to find someone and some don't; some get rejected more and some don't--big deal! People get together for a multitude of reasons. Some girls aren't going to like you and some will. It's all about going through the process of rejections and dating to weed out those who aren't interested and finding the ones who are. When you find them you'll forget about all the rejections and the girl in front of you will be 100xs more rewarding in every way. Not only can this happen once, but it happens all the time if you just accept it as part of the process and keep moving forward.


but i aint even talking about approaching girls, im talking about girls i meet then ask out, through whatever you catch my drift


----------



## pete24

Im only learning the whole phoning girls right away that give you numbers off a dating site...


Of course yesterday, the 1st day we spoke online... I took the plunge and called her...

We are txting eachother loads (she text me first this morning).... Do you think i should suggest talking on phone again later? Or does that seem too much?


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Im only learning the whole phoning girls right away that give you numbers off a dating site...
> 
> Of course yesterday, the 1st day we spoke online... I took the plunge and called her...
> 
> We are txting eachother loads (she text me first this morning).... Do you think i should suggest talking on phone again later? Or does that seem too much?


Sounds like she's interested.

I'd try to ask her out on a date now either by phone or text. She sounds like she would.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> but i aint even talking about approaching girls, im talking about girls i meet then ask out, through whatever you catch my drift


Rejection is all the same thing, so it applies to this as well. Doesn't matter, if they reject you then go find another. It's part of the whole thing. If they are your friend and they reject you then stay as their friend if that's what you want.


----------



## Wurli

I've been doing quite a lot of thinking on this topic and I never quite understood why I don't have "success" with the females. I mean I'm no model, but I'd consider myself a half-way decent looking person and I've got some good things going for me. Logically it seems like the success should be there.

But I realized the problem lies within my own lack of a willingness to put myself out there. I don't even give myself a chance interact with people. Sure I've got low self-esteem and little confidence, but I'm also pretty sure of the fact that everybody gets a little anxious when trying to make a good impression on a person they are attracted to. 

So, with that being said, I think I'm going to start making a conscious effort at all this stuff. Just like any friendship, girls aren't magically going to come to me, its up to me to make the effort.


----------



## rymo

Wurli said:


> I've been doing quite a lot of thinking on this topic and I never quite understood why I don't have "success" with the females. I mean I'm no model, but I'd consider myself a half-way decent looking person and I've got some good things going for me. Logically it seems like the success should be there.
> 
> But I realized the problem lies within my own lack of a willingness to put myself out there. I don't even give myself a chance interact with people. Sure I've got low self-esteem and little confidence, but I'm also pretty sure of the fact that everybody gets a little anxious when trying to make a good impression on a person they are attracted to.
> 
> So, with that being said, I think I'm going to start making a conscious effort at all this stuff. Just like any friendship, girls aren't magically going to come to me, its up to me to make the effort.


Awesome attitude man  If you keep up that mentality you WILL succeed, it's only a matter of when.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Its allright if you arent interested, you arent interested. If she initiated the convo then i think she would be very interested.
> 
> I think you should ask her out again, even if you arent that interested, you could grow more into her. She could be good for you,
> 
> Cant tell you how many dates ive been on on, where the girl didnt reinitiate. Of course i wasnt interested neither so i didnt either anyways


i did ask her out for the second date. She said this weekend wasn't good but she wants to go out next Tuesday. She suggested a Thai/viet restaurant near her place.


----------



## srschirm

Still no response on facebook from my coworker. But the message I sent was innocuous, and I think these last two days have been her long days at school, so I'm not worried.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Sounds like she's interested.
> 
> I'd try to ask her out on a date now either by phone or text. She sounds like she would.


Thanks .

It seems promising.... although im feeling in 2 minds now.

When talking yesterday on POF, I did my usual thing of asking if she wanted to chat on FB. She said she doesnt use FB much and her profile is hidden, so then asked for my number.

Did a massive snoop today and came across her facebook profile (I should become a detective, since all I had to work with was her POF username). Which was last used only a day or 2 ago.

1st few pictures I saw were smoking hot. Then came across some that were her without makeup.... Way below my standard .

Found the reason why she didnt want to add me to FB.... because she still has pictures of her n her ex kissing.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Thanks .
> 
> It seems promising.... although im feeling in 2 minds now.
> 
> When talking yesterday on POF, I did my usual thing of asking if she wanted to chat on FB. She said she doesnt use FB much and her profile is hidden, so then asked for my number.
> 
> Did a massive snoop today and came across her facebook profile (I should become a detective, since all I had to work with was her POF username). Which was last used only a day or 2 ago.
> 
> 1st few pictures I saw were smoking hot. Then came across some that were her without makeup.... Way below my standard .
> 
> Found the reason why she didnt want to add me to FB.... because she still has pictures of her n her ex kissing.


Probably that and also because she didn't want you to see other pictures. It's more likely because she is kissing her "ex" though, or else she wouldn't of asked to exchange numbers (a FB chat is actually a step below a number).

Either way, I wouldn't worry about that now because you still don't know her. Just keep it casual and if you two start dating a lot that's when it makes sense to start thinking about those things. For now, just appreciate the fact that this girl seems into you and take it once step at a time.

I wouldn't wait too long to ask her out on a date. That should be your next move. In fact, since you've talked a lot already and she seems down for it, I'd ask her the next chance you get. GL


----------



## bsd3355

Update on girls I approached from yesterday:

The first girl, who I think is actually real pretty, we've been texting back and forth a little since yesterday and I asked her out for some coffee sometime yesterday. She said she was real busy and would get back to me on it and let me know--usually I hear that and I think they aren't that interested but I texted her to say what's up today and she ended up texting me on her own initiative to tell me she's free around 7pm on Saturday if I'd still like to go get coffee . I was actually pretty surprised by that! You still never know what is going to happen but instead of being 20-30% sure she'd go, I'm about 50/50 on it now. It'd be cool to get a date with her because I find her pretty attractive, and I'm still trying to "prove" things to myself. I realize she's a human being, but this would be a good reference experience for me because she's actually real pretty (at least to me).

The other girl I texted yesterday never texted me back. I texted her again today and she still didn't text me back so I deleted her number.

I also want to push up my numbers to 4 numbers an outing. I said 5 numbers an outing last time but I don't think I was ready for that. I'm ready to move up on the amount of numbers now. I think this will help me a lot and save me time.

Will keep updated


----------



## larmo8

Tomorrow evening I'm going to make a move on a girl that I am pretty confident is interested in me. She is pretty f^cking hot too, but I am more confident in my looks now than I probably have ever been. She is in my news reporting class, and the entire class will be covering a christmas ceremony downtown. It sucks that it will be outside in the cold, but it'll probably the best opportunity I get to talk with her. I already have a pretty great opener in mind too, but I just got to execute it well, haha.

Thing is, I'm pretty much (at least at this moment) only exclusively interested in having sex with her. Before I noticed (or at least _think_ I noticed) that she was interested in me, I didn't have any interest in her. Not even sure if I particularly like her at all beyond looks, and since I am a virgin the thought process of approaching her with the soul goal of hooking up (which has never been my goal with other girls) seems like it could be very ill-advised. But hey, I don't have too many options at the moment, and the girl I have tried to date all semester isn't going to happen. The good thing is if this fails, it's no big deal -- because I don't even necessarily like the girl! :lol:


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Probably that and also because she didn't want you to see other pictures. It's more likely because she is kissing her "ex" though, or else she wouldn't of asked to exchange numbers (a FB chat is actually a step below a number).
> 
> Either way, I wouldn't worry about that now because you still don't know her. Just keep it casual and if you two start dating a lot that's when it makes sense to start thinking about those things. For now, just appreciate the fact that this girl seems into you and take it once step at a time.
> 
> I wouldn't wait too long to ask her out on a date. That should be your next move. In fact, since you've talked a lot already and she seems down for it, I'd ask her the next chance you get. GL


Cheers for replying dude.

Yea perhaps, In a way I feel if someones trying to hide something before the relationship has even started (if it did start)then its not good. But year your right, I should see what happens n decide.

I did ask her about a date and shes cool about going.

Texting is frequent but its often me that says the most, she replies quickly and even txts me 1st thing when she gets up, but some of the replys off her are just 3 word replies with nothing I can reply to, so I have to just change the subject.

She hasnt been on the dating site since she asked for my number... which is good though.

Women are too confusing


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Cheers for replying dude.
> 
> Yea perhaps, In a way I feel if someones trying to hide something before the relationship has even started (if it did start)then its not good. But year your right, I should see what happens n decide.
> 
> I did ask her about a date and shes cool about going.
> 
> Texting is frequent but its often me that says the most, she replies quickly and even txts me 1st thing when she gets up, but some of the replys off her are just 3 word replies with nothing I can reply to, so I have to just change the subject.
> 
> She hasnt been on the dating site since she asked for my number... which is good though.
> 
> Women are too confusing


Changing the subject is fine but don't discount the idea of calling a girl out on something once in a while. It's tricky because it has to be done in a joking way or else it just comes off as creepy, but it can be done. For example, if she's texting three word responses all the time, say something like, "you're quite the poet aren't you? ;p" or something like that (I'm sure you can come up with something better). It will make her want to work a little harder to be on the same level as you conversationally. Of course, if she's just not the type of person that says witty things, nothing will probably change. But busting balls here and there will at least show that you're not the type to just let a girl off the hook with doing whatever she wants (when it comes to walking all over a guy). It's also just another avenue to keep the conversation going in new and more interesting directions.


----------



## Ivan AG

The hardest challenge for me is asking out a girl or showing interest in a girl that is part of my daily life (for example work and university).

Cold approaching may sound scary, but in reality I probably won't be seeing that girl again.

This is completely different with girls that I have to see every week.

The fear that everyone else will know, make fun of me, put me down is too great.

It's like how do I look this girl in the eyes if she rejects me? It's just so awkward and uncomfortable afterwards.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> The hardest challenge for me is asking out a girl or showing interest in a girl that is part of my daily life (for example work and university).
> 
> Cold approaching may sound scary, but in reality I probably won't be seeing that girl again.
> 
> This is completely different with girls that I have to see every week.
> 
> The fear that everyone else will know, make fun of me, put me down is too great.
> 
> It's like how do I look this girl in the eyes if she rejects me? It's just so awkward and uncomfortable afterwards.


If you ask her out in a confident way, in what way could she possibly see you except as a normal guy who asks girls out? In fact, a ballsy guy who asks girls out. If you get rejected and don't mope around and act like it affected you so much, then she won't think anything of it. In fact, she'll think you're even more of a boss than before. To be rejected and still show confidence?? Amazing.

Also, anyone who would actually make fun of you for taking initiative and asking girls out while they sit around on the sidelines is a moron, and you should not take them seriously.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> If you ask her out in a confident way, in what way could she possibly see you except as a normal guy who asks girls out? In fact, a ballsy guy who asks girls out. If you get rejected and don't mope around and act like it affected you so much, then she won't think anything of it. In fact, she'll think you're even more of a boss than before. To be rejected and still show confidence?? Amazing.
> 
> Also, anyone who would actually make fun of you for taking initiative and asking girls out while they sit around on the sidelines is a moron, and you should not take them seriously.


True. The girl who I stopped the other day said she gave me "props for boldness" afterwards


----------



## srschirm

srschirm said:


> Still no response on facebook from my coworker. But the message I sent was innocuous, and I think these last two days have been her long days at school, so I'm not worried.


Using facebook's messaging system, I can see she hasn't seen the message yet, so no worries. I may see her at work tonight.


----------



## stoolie

Ivan AG said:


> The hardest challenge for me is asking out a girl or showing interest in a girl that is part of my daily life (for example work and university).


Do you just "see" this girl or do you have actual contact with her?

I think if you talked to her for a while, it's perfectly okay to ask her to do something with you.

I have the problem that I just see this girl at lunch and that she works in a different department, so we never exchanged a word.

Due to my creeper skills I already found out her name and Facebook profile, but I can't just message her like that.

Hmm, I somehow need to make contact with her, maybe I'm interrupting their table football game next time she's around with her colleagues.


----------



## TJenkins602

I myself am working on getting back on my feet and at least getting a room if not a house. Once I get my house, then I'm free to hook up. Otherwise, I just get approached occasionally by women.


----------



## larmo8

larmo8 said:


> Tomorrow evening I'm going to make a move on a girl that I am pretty confident is interested in me. She is pretty f^cking hot too, but I am more confident in my looks now than I probably have ever been. She is in my news reporting class, and the entire class will be covering a christmas ceremony downtown. It sucks that it will be outside in the cold, but it'll probably the best opportunity I get to talk with her. I already have a pretty great opener in mind too, but I just got to execute it well, haha.
> 
> Thing is, I'm pretty much (at least at this moment) only exclusively interested in having sex with her. Before I noticed (or at least _think_ I noticed) that she was interested in me, I didn't have any interest in her. Not even sure if I particularly like her at all beyond looks, and since I am a virgin the thought process of approaching her with the soul goal of hooking up (which has never been my goal with other girls) seems like it could be very ill-advised. But hey, I don't have too many options at the moment, and the girl I have tried to date all semester isn't going to happen. The good thing is if this fails, it's no big deal -- because I don't even necessarily like the girl! :lol:


Well, a missed opportunity. I arrived early and the girl and a group of her friends in the class (which she is always with) were actually already there. I didn't feel comfortable going up and talking to her there, even though in retrospect I could have easily done it. I froze in the moment. And that was the only time I saw her for the rest of the night, since the event was so crowded. Now I'm depressed.

I have to force myself to go up and talk with her after class next week. I feel like my opportunity, if any, is slipping away. It's hard as hell to approach girls when they are with their friends.


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Changing the subject is fine but don't discount the idea of calling a girl out on something once in a while. It's tricky because it has to be done in a joking way or else it just comes off as creepy, but it can be done. For example, if she's texting three word responses all the time, say something like, "you're quite the poet aren't you? ;p" or something like that (I'm sure you can come up with something better). It will make her want to work a little harder to be on the same level as you conversationally. Of course, if she's just not the type of person that says witty things, nothing will probably change. But busting balls here and there will at least show that you're not the type to just let a girl off the hook with doing whatever she wants (when it comes to walking all over a guy). It's also just another avenue to keep the conversation going in new and more interesting directions.


Interesting, gonna try that. Usually for me if a girl barely gives a reply, I gave them a 1 or 2 work reply back (usually just a smiley face). When i did with this girl earlier, she did respond about 30 mins later asking a question.

Will keep an eye on dating site, maybe if she logs on again it can show her boredom or maybe having doubts.

All has gone really well tonight. A webcam chat... Although I looked like crap . Next week is the agreed date  wahooo.

What makes it even more worthwhile is since my last relationship I have probably had several chances to enter a relationship, but I thought about it, decided them women were under my standards and said nope. Then this girl comes along who is really nice.

Chances are if I had lower standards like I used to, I would be with someone I am bored of, instead of having a chance with this nice girl


----------



## splitimage

srschirm said:


> Using facebook's messaging system, I can see she hasn't seen the message yet, so no worries. I may see her at work tonight.


Did you already have her as a friend on Facebook, or did you message her first? If you don't have her as a Facebook friend, your message would get sent to her "Other" folder, which a lot of people don't know to check (and it doesn't notify you automatically like regular messages do.)


----------



## srschirm

splitimage said:


> Did you already have her as a friend on Facebook, or did you message her first? If you don't have her as a Facebook friend, your message would get sent to her "Other" folder, which a lot of people don't know to check (and it doesn't notify you automatically like regular messages do.)


I messaged her first...crap. Thanks a lot for letting me know this though...regardless, I saw her last night and I felt like total crap (mentally and physically), so I probably have no real shot anyway.

Thanks for the tip though.


----------



## bsd3355

*EDIT

had a picture of the girl i approached on here but it feels wrong to post it so i removed it. i think she's very pretty though which is why i wanted to post it, and also because i wanted to prove to the guys here that rejection is just a part of dating and if you keep going at it you'll meet someone. i can't be posting pictures of girls like that though. if they were from a dating site then yeah i'd just give the link but otherwise i'm not going to do that


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> *EDIT
> 
> had a picture of the girl i approached on here but it feels wrong to post it so i removed it. i think she's very pretty though which is why i wanted to post it, and also because i wanted to prove to the guys here that rejection is just a part of dating and if you keep going at it you'll meet someone. i can't be posting pictures of girls like that though. if they were from a dating site then yeah i'd just give the link but otherwise i'm not going to do that


GRRR lol.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Oh no. Hanging out with gurl that may or may not be interested. Words of encouragement??


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Be present as ****. lol


----------



## StevenGlansberg

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Be present as ****. lol












???


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I can see how that could be misconstrued. :lol

Just be very in the moment and go at that girl with the energy of a thousand hammers.


----------



## pete24

With the dating site girl I have a tricky mission ahead of me. Date is planned for Monday.

After another long webcam chat again, theres a few things that we lack in similarity's. I mean dont get me wrong, from her pictures dressed up she looks hot... However her more natural style pictures just don't do it for me as much and I still have my doubts.

Its also going to be stepping into new territory's. Every single date I have been on except my first ever, I made a success. There was 1 big advantage for me though, they came to my area, I planned the whole date which always involved doing some cool things whilst drinking alcohol (which of course gave me confidence and helped).

With this girl though its going to be more like the only date I failed on. We are meeting half way. In a town shes more familiar with than me. Shes planned the idea about going for coffee, having something to eat and then chatting at this park. Not exactly how I would of planned it, and I don't find it interesting


----------



## StevenGlansberg

StevenGlansberg said:


> Oh no. Hanging out with gurl that may or may not be interested. Words of encouragement??


She left as soon as I arrived...bad sign?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

pete24 said:


> With the dating site girl I have a tricky mission ahead of me. Date is planned for Monday.
> 
> After another long webcam chat again, theres a few things that we lack in similarity's. I mean dont get me wrong, from her pictures dressed up she looks hot... However her more natural style pictures just don't do it for me as much and I still have my doubts.
> 
> Its also going to be stepping into new territory's. Every single date I have been on except my first ever, I made a success. There was 1 big advantage for me though, they came to my area, I planned the whole date which always involved doing some cool things whilst drinking alcohol (which of course gave me confidence and helped).
> 
> With this girl though its going to be more like the only date I failed on. We are meeting half way. In a town shes more familiar with than me. Shes planned the idea about going for coffee, having something to eat and then chatting at this park. Not exactly how I would of planned it, and I don't find it interesting


It sounds chill, can I go instead?

Seriously though, if you're not into it then speak up. There's nothing wrong with living life on your own terms.

Steven.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> With the dating site girl I have a tricky mission ahead of me. Date is planned for Monday.
> 
> After another long webcam chat again, theres a few things that we lack in similarity's. I mean dont get me wrong, from her pictures dressed up she looks hot... However her more natural style pictures just don't do it for me as much and I still have my doubts.
> 
> Its also going to be stepping into new territory's. Every single date I have been on except my first ever, I made a success. There was 1 big advantage for me though, they came to my area, I planned the whole date which always involved doing some cool things whilst drinking alcohol (which of course gave me confidence and helped).
> 
> With this girl though its going to be more like the only date I failed on. We are meeting half way. In a town shes more familiar with than me. Shes planned the idea about going for coffee, having something to eat and then chatting at this park. Not exactly how I would of planned it, and I don't find it interesting


That's a long first date. I'd rather just get a drink and go to the park myself and skip dinner, but that's me. A drink and a park should take a couple hours at least. If you want her to come back to your place go get a drink with her and mention how you wanted to rent a movie and ask if she'd like to join you. If the date is going decent she'll more than likely accept.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> That's a long first date. I'd rather just get a drink and go to the park myself and skip dinner, but that's me. A drink and a park should take a couple hours at least. If you want her to come back to your place go get a drink with her and mention how you wanted to rent a movie and ask if she'd like to join you. If the date is going decent she'll more than likely accept.


Well I dunno, like from online I always think if you got on well online to start with, time will naturally fly and conversation will be flowing. Always happened before with others, the 2 hour date would be 6 or more hours.

No way can she come to mine, as im meeting her in another town altogether, and she has to be back home by 6pm to do something important for a new job shes starting Tuesday.

I'm not too keen on the whole park idea, its boring. Whilst if I try and make a plan to sit in the pub with her, which can be fun, gives time to talk, it will make it seem like im some silly drunk


----------



## Ivan AG

Meditation is some ganster stuff.

Pretty legit way to stop those ANTs before talking to girls.


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from coffee date with girl I approached on tuesday. She was much prettier than I remember. I honestly didn't recognize her. I guess I didn't remember much, but she was prettier in person than I thought she'd be. Probably the cutest girl I've ever been on a date with.

She had plans later tonight for her best friend's bday party so I didn't plan on hanging out long. I just wanted to show up, sit down and get to know each other. She's a lot like me--very independent, strong-willed, confident, came from a bad background, seems kind of low key and not so much a party person, etc. We had a great conversation talking about everything from her background, to her family, to her schooling, to her best friends, to her personality, etc., etc.--a lot of stuff. I let her do most the talking and she seemed very comfortable with it and enjoyed talking. I could tell she was really comfortable with me. Stay for a little over an hour talking before her friend called and said they were on their way to pick her up, which was fine because I was about to leave anyway. So I got up and hugged her and she said she'd talk to me again. All in all in was a good date and I enjoyed her company and I think she enjoyed mine . I definitely want to see her again.

I didn't go for any kissing or anything like that as it was in a cafe and we were just getting to know each other; the mood wasn't that kind of intimacy either. I'd really like to plan something next time where we could continue getting to know each other and have an opportunity for intimacy (not sex, unless it happens).

I'm proud of myself what I've put myself through and overcome to finally date people I want to date. I can't say enough about it, and I could talk all day about doing such things to other people. I don't feel an ego-boost from it; instead, I feel relaxed and centered and calm. I am not longer struggling with much internal drama, although of course it's bound to pop up eventually. I'm proud of what I've done, what I do and who I am and if nothing happens with this girl then that's OK because I know what I'm capable of now. My first real and true girlfriend was earlier this year and already I've dated multiple girls and met some really cool girls. Something has changed for me and that something is my attitude and confidence about the future. It happened; I'm finally there at the point where I don't feel hopeless or helpless; I feel like I go this **** handled. Most of it was internal. I'm over the wall now and internally where I've been trying to be all my life. Now it's just about staying stable and repeating this if need be to finally solidify it all.

I think soon I'll be entering a new phase of dating a lot and growing from it still unless I meet someone who blows my socks away. I think it's probably bound to happen if I keep an active dating life.

I'm exited about this girl! Will keep updated!:boogie I'm not going to put all my hopes on it though so early on. I think that is somewhat a mistake. Just expect the best but be prepared for anything else


----------



## Sourdog

Hey Bwidger, when you approach a girl how long do you take before asking for her number? 
btw good job with the date, rock on man!


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Hey Bwidger, when you approach a girl how long do you take before asking for her number?
> btw good job with the date, rock on man!


That all depends on how much time you have and the vibe of the interaction. You can ask in the middle or near the end of the interaction if it is a long conversation, or you can ask near the end of the interaction if it is a short conversation. It varies. Use your own common sense and you'll know when it right. Just make sure to ask.


----------



## rymo

Sitting in Ultra at Mohegan Sun. Hanging out with people I don't care about. Feel like ****...time to get wasted so I can get through this.


----------



## bsd3355

eh, may not be that great of a date afterall...been two hours and she hasn't texted me back after the i texted her after the date....she is at her friends bday party but still.... i'll text her tomorrow or another day and if no response then move on i guess


----------



## Barette

^If she's at a party then she probably won't even text you back till tomorrow, if she's drunk and having fun.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Keep smashing through them barriers, bwidger.


----------



## huh

I guess I have to rearm my traps again. All the girls I manage to catch keep running away :blank


----------



## rymo

Barette that avatar is highly distracting


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> ^If she's at a party then she probably won't even text you back till tomorrow, if she's drunk and having fun.


yeah, that's what i'm thinking. will see


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> Barette that avatar is highly distracting


It's fantastic isn't it? My favorite so far. I can't stop staring at it.


----------



## Elad

bwidger85 said:


> eh, may not be that great of a date afterall...been two hours and she hasn't texted me back after the i texted her after the date....she is at her friends bday party but still.... i'll text her tomorrow or another day and if no response then move on i guess


Do not double or triple text, if she doesn't respond to the first one don't send another. If she is even the least bit interested she will see your text and reply, or the fact you haven't followed up like most guys will get her thinking about you.


----------



## bsd3355

Elad said:


> Do not double or triple text, if she doesn't respond to the first one don't send another. If she is even the least bit interested she will see your text and reply, or the fact you haven't followed up like most guys will get her thinking about you.


yeah im not texting her again til at least tomorrow. usually girls that don't reply regardless of what is happening usually means they aren't interested, but the fact she went on a date with me after i approached her in person, im not sure...no worries...will find out soon enough


----------



## Elad

bwidger85 said:


> yeah im not texting her again til at least tomorrow. usually girls that don't reply regardless of what is happening usually means they aren't interested, but the fact she went on a date with me after i approached her in person, im not sure...no worries...will find out soon enough


Yeah, especially with only just going on a date you don't want to come across over eager or as if this is all you're thinking about. Making yourself too accessible early on is usually a one way ticket to get walked all over, because they know you have nothing else going on.

Just remember your time is precious, and she should know that.


----------



## rymo

Elad is a badass


----------



## bsd3355

Elad said:


> Yeah, especially with only just going on a date you don't want to come across over eager or as if this is all you're thinking about. Making yourself too accessible early on is usually a one way ticket to get walked all over, because they know you have nothing else going on.
> 
> Just remember your time is precious, and she should know that.


true. i texted her like 30 minutes after the date was over just saying i enjoyed talking to her and saying when should hang out again sometime... honestly though, if i don't see her again it's all good because it's part of it... it was still fun regardless of what happens! i'm happy for the experience and it'll only give me motivation to go out and do it again! 

i think if it doesn't work out then it wasn't my personality that was the problem lol. i can confidently say i couldn't of played it better in person. to was a great interaction tbh. i'm not ugly but she is very pretty


----------



## bsd3355

Be







lol






Enjoy the process! Rejection is part of the journey. If you aren't getting rejected then you aren't doing enough!


----------



## 50piecesteve

Barette said:


> It's fantastic isn't it? My favorite so far. I can't stop staring at it.


neither can i. I want to motorboat


----------



## pete24

She cancelled on me. Claimed shes gone down with some sickness bug today (although she was fine yesterday and when she txt me 1st this morning and I asked how she was, she said she was great and feeling refreshed. Only this afternoon she mentioned the sickness bug.

A bug like that is nothing, so shes clearly not telling the truth. I bet as well she will do everything else she had planned for tomorrow.

She did add me on facebook earlier so its the 1st time she saw my profile today. Either shes seen something she doesnt like (I checked before her adding me if there was anything she may not like on my profile and there wasnt) or has become way too nervous.

Im gonna leave the arranging another date and even general conversation to her now, if she is genuine about her excuse then she wont have any problems making all the effort.

For the time being im gonna look elsewhere


----------



## Ivan AG

Barette said:


> It's fantastic isn't it? My favorite so far. I can't stop staring at it.


Is that you?

If so, call me maybe?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> She cancelled on me. Claimed shes gone down with some sickness bug today (although she was fine yesterday and when she txt me 1st this morning and I asked how she was, she said she was great and feeling refreshed. Only this afternoon she mentioned the sickness bug.
> 
> A bug like that is nothing, so shes clearly not telling the truth. I bet as well she will do everything else she had planned for tomorrow.
> 
> She did add me on facebook earlier so its the 1st time she saw my profile today. Either shes seen something she doesnt like (I checked before her adding me if there was anything she may not like on my profile and there wasnt) or has become way too nervous.
> 
> Im gonna leave the arranging another date and even general conversation to her now, if she is genuine about her excuse then she wont have any problems making all the effort.
> 
> For the time being im gonna look elsewhere


Pete you really need to let go. You think way too much. Thinking is great if your paid to be an analyst or in creative marketing but when it comes to ur personal life stop thinking! I did n am happier


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> Pete you really need to let go. You think way too much. Thinking is great if your paid to be an analyst or in creative marketing but when it comes to ur personal life stop thinking! I did n am happier


I also suffer from over-thinking simple things like that.
I wish I could stop this, because it makes me even more insecure :/

If you have a lot going on in your private life or even talking to multiple girls at the same time you just don't have the time or reason to do that over-thinking, but what if you don't have a life like that?


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Pete you really need to let go. You think way too much. Thinking is great if your paid to be an analyst or in creative marketing but when it comes to ur personal life stop thinking! I did n am happier


Haha you wont believe how many people have said that to me over things.

Thing is, when I have over thought things, people I know were saying "your over analysing things... and your probably wrong". However 90% of the time, the things I suspected were correct


----------



## MobiusX

anyone can get one, go to Thailand and pay a prostitute, done.


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> I also suffer from over-thinking simple things like that.
> I wish I could stop this, because it makes me even more insecure :/
> 
> If you have a lot going on in your private life or even talking to multiple girls at the same time you just don't have the time or reason to do that over-thinking, but what if you don't have a life like that?


Create your own life. After all it is your life why let someone else create it


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Haha you wont believe how many people have said that to me over things.
> 
> Thing is, when I have over thought things, people I know were saying "your over analysing things... and your probably wrong". However 90% of the time, the things I suspected were correct


Just because ur correct doesn't justify the over thinking.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Just because ur correct doesn't justify the over thinking.


Its become a natural process now I guess .

I feel if I just go round giving people the benefit of the doubt with what im told, i'm setting myself up for disappointment, but reading into it and thinking allows me to do the right things.

Take now with that girl. Since we spoke on dating site, texts constantly, phonecalls off her, chats on skype.

Now since her saying about the unlikely stomach bug, no texts, no calls off her, no skype messages.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> She cancelled on me. Claimed shes gone down with some sickness bug today (although she was fine yesterday and when she txt me 1st this morning and I asked how she was, she said she was great and feeling refreshed. Only this afternoon she mentioned the sickness bug.
> 
> A bug like that is nothing, so shes clearly not telling the truth. I bet as well she will do everything else she had planned for tomorrow.
> 
> She did add me on facebook earlier so its the 1st time she saw my profile today. Either shes seen something she doesnt like (I checked before her adding me if there was anything she may not like on my profile and there wasnt) or has become way too nervous.
> 
> Im gonna leave the arranging another date and even general conversation to her now, if she is genuine about her excuse then she wont have any problems making all the effort.
> 
> For the time being im gonna look elsewhere


I'd try one more time in the future and if it happens again I'd delete her number and move on.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Pete you really need to let go. You think way too much. Thinking is great if your paid to be an analyst or in creative marketing but when it comes to ur personal life stop thinking! I did n am happier


I think it's normal and natural to think about these things. If he didn't then he'd be clueless. How girls respond and what they do is a clear indicator of what they are really thinking.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> I'd try one more time in the future and if it happens again I'd delete her number and move on.


Will take your advice 

Agree with your other post too. I guess as people gain more experience they become more clued about little signs and things like that which women give off. Always good being near certain or knowing what they mean from the things they do. We see lots of "does she still like me?" style threads here, but often the people posting are new to dating or dont know how to analyse things.

The way im thinking now is that when adding me on FB, she would know that it meant I could view her profile in full to. Had she still been as keen as she was, she would perhaps be worried I didnt like her profile and so would make the effort to get in touch as much as she did previously.

I will let her make the next contact, if theres nothing by tomorrow, then ill delete n block her. If she does get in touch then as you say i'll try 1 time to re-arrange the date.

I know without any doubt that if we dont have a date and this is it.... its her loss. Had we gone on a date I know she would of got to know me better, and liked what she saw, but she would of lost her chance and someone else will be taking the chance in the next few weeks 

There is countless signs to look into though. I would say even little things like texting.

People do things subconsciously. For example if your texting a girl and the norm is 4 kisses at the end of a text. Slowly increase that to 5. If she starts putting 5, shes keen and the new norm amount will be 5. If you have done something small wrong, she isnt happy about something or theres misunderstanding, she will reduce it to a lower number or put none at all.

People say never read into kisses in texts, but thats rubbish. If you replied back and forth with a certain number of kisses through many texts, and they greatly reduce it suddenly, its them subconsciously showing the reduced happyness.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Will take your advice
> 
> Agree with your other post too. I guess as people gain more experience they become more clued about little signs and things like that which women give off. Always good being near certain or knowing what they mean from the things they do. We see lots of "does she still like me?" style threads here, but often the people posting are new to dating or dont know how to analyse things.
> 
> The way im thinking now is that when adding me on FB, she would know that it meant I could view her profile in full to. Had she still been as keen as she was, she would perhaps be worried I didnt like her profile and so would make the effort to get in touch as much as she did previously.
> 
> I will let her make the next contact, if theres nothing by tomorrow, then ill delete n block her. If she does get in touch then as you say i'll try 1 time to re-arrange the date.
> 
> I know without any doubt that if we dont have a date and this is it.... its her loss. Had we gone on a date I know she would of got to know me better, and liked what she saw, but she would of lost her chance and someone else will be taking the chance in the next few weeks
> 
> There is countless signs to look into though. I would say even little things like texting.
> 
> People do things subconsciously. For example if your texting a girl and the norm is 4 kisses at the end of a text. Slowly increase that to 5. If she starts putting 5, shes keen and the new norm amount will be 5. If you have done something small wrong, she isnt happy about something or theres misunderstanding, she will reduce it to a lower number or put none at all.
> 
> People say never read into kisses in texts, but thats rubbish. If you replied back and forth with a certain number of kisses through many texts, and they greatly reduce it suddenly, its them subconsciously showing the reduced happyness.


I try to keep it simple. I do what I want to do when I want to do it whether it's text or w/e. If the girl is really interested she won't put up any resistance. It's as simple as that. There is no "text game" or "phone game". All the phone is used for is a device to set up dates and keep in touch every now and then. No amount of texts or lack of texts will change a girl's mind if she likes you or not. Girls are just like guys in the sense that if they make up their minds they are interested then they are interested, and when they are interested dating is easy and there is no second-guessing because there is usually an equal give and take and hardly any resistance and also compromise. Girl's aren't stupid. They know to keep in contact if they are interested, and they know how to cut guys off too. It all depends.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I think it's normal and natural to think about these things. If he didn't then he'd be clueless. How girls respond and what they do is a clear indicator of what they are really thinking.


ignorance is better, just shamelessly chase your desires


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> There is no "text game" or "phone game". All the phone is used for is a device to set up dates and keep in touch every now and then. No amount of texts or lack of texts will change a girl's mind if she likes you or not. Girls are just like guys in the sense that if they make up their minds they are interested then they are interested,


you seem really closed minded regarding this. You also refuse to hear different perspectives.

I am not saying that your view is wrong or right, but i think you could use a bit more opening up. But there is no value in thinking about any of this, just do what you are doing, and dont think about it.

If you like this girl, and seeing as how you have said multiple times how super cute and pretty she is, you need to chase her. Instead of texting again, why dont you give her a call tonight and tell her you really like her. Try something new, see what happens

Afterall you always tell us to experiment dont you


----------



## Zeeshan

Elad said:


> the fact you haven't followed up like most guys will get her thinking about you.


lol i am not sure how true this is. Most women are submissive, and respond to a man's desire. If they gauge a man's desire to be low, they are just going to move on.

or maybe you are right who knows. IN either case, i dont think not hitting her up again, will make her more likely to seek him out. Actually she will just move on with the other 10 guys that are likely hitting her up


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> I try to keep it simple. I do what I want to do when I want to do it whether it's text or w/e. If the girl is really interested she won't put up any resistance. It's as simple as that. There is no "text game" or "phone game". All the phone is used for is a device to set up dates and keep in touch every now and then. No amount of texts or lack of texts will change a girl's mind if she likes you or not. Girls are just like guys in the sense that if they make up their minds they are interested then they are interested, and when they are interested dating is easy and there is no second-guessing because there is usually an equal give and take and hardly any resistance and also compromise. Girl's aren't stupid. They know to keep in contact if they are interested, and they know how to cut guys off too. It all depends.


According to your own reply in another post though, "when a girl texts later and later and then puts you off more and more it indicates a growing lack of interest"

That can be seen as "Text game's"? Because its rather then be direct and say how she feels, shes texting later and later because shes losing interest.

The example with text kisses at the bottom was a subconscious thing that mostly happens in relationships.

I just looked at the text I sent that girl after she told me she wont be able to go on the date. I went down from the norm of 5 x's to 2 in that text, didnt realise until I just checked.

It relationships people notice it more, iv done it to women and they have asked "whats the matter?" and they have done it to me where I have asked the same thing. 9 times out of 10 there would be something up (usually in a relationship when it happens though its something that isnt the relationships fault i.e tiredness, family being annoying, bad day at work or sudden worry about money)


----------



## bsd3355

^ Either way, you'll find out sooner or later if she likes you or not so just keep doing your thing.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> you seem really closed minded regarding this. You also refuse to hear different perspectives.
> 
> I am not saying that your view is wrong or right, but i think you could use a bit more opening up. But there is no value in thinking about any of this, just do what you are doing, and dont think about it.
> 
> If you like this girl, and seeing as how you have said multiple times how super cute and pretty she is, you need to chase her. Instead of texting again, why dont you give her a call tonight and tell her you really like her. Try something new, see what happens
> 
> Afterall you always tell us to experiment dont you


I don't think calling a girl will hurt your chances unless you do it obsessively. As far as online dating goes, I think it is a good idea to call, yeah. I tend to think in real life examples a lot; even then, still wouldn't hurt to call. Online is good to call because then it becomes more real and you can gauge each other better.

I'm just talking about AFTER you've been on a date or w/e, there isn't that much of a reason to give her a call the next day. But after a while, trying to follow rules gets boring and tedious. Do what you want and if she likes you she'll respond.

I texted that girl from last night and she texted me back but who knows what will happen. I'll ask her out on another date later on in the week and will keep updated. I'm going probably do some more approaches tomorrow.


----------



## Sourdog

Ok, I'm going to try and work up the courage to do some approaches tomorrow. Umm, is there anything I should do to prep for this?


----------



## Rossy

Very little.


----------



## stoolie

I don't get it.

Why do girls write so few words to my messages?
What's really annoying is, that they never ask me any questions.
I always have to pull questions out of of my arse to keep the conversation going.

I've done this right now with a girl from pof and I was that close to stop responding.
But I kept it up for a few more messages and now we are chatting on skype for over an hour.

So there's at least some interest, but why do they act so apathetic at the beginning?


----------



## Zeeshan

I really am kicking myself about just saying hi to a girl earlier and not following through. I looked at her very obviously, and she matched eyes. Clearly game.


----------



## Ivan AG

I'm starting to notice that some women are actually smiling when they make eye contact with me.

It's rare but I have never noticed this before.


----------



## pete24

stoolie said:


> I don't get it.
> 
> Why do girls write so few words to my messages?
> What's really annoying is, that they never ask me any questions.
> I always have to pull questions out of of my arse to keep the conversation going.
> 
> I've done this right now with a girl from pof and I was that close to stop responding.
> But I kept it up for a few more messages and now we are chatting on skype for over an hour.
> 
> So there's at least some interest, but why do they act so apathetic at the beginning?


Because as said countless times before, they have 100's of people message them, many reply to be nice or they cant be bothered.

Just keep trying, its slim chances but eventually you may find someone who is into you and you can talk for hours with. With her also asking questions and keeping convo going.

At the start you not only have to prove to them that you are attractive, are what they are after and have a personality match, but can keep them entertained and can keep the convo going long enough for them to realise that.

Keep at it, met plenty of women online who were great, and theres been some I thought were a dead end as it was me doing all the work, but eventually they came out of their shells and we got somewhere.

Do the not giving a crap approach like I do. I put on my profile things like theres massive competition on the site, but im not competing as I dont need to since I know im attractive, loyal, honest, and could make someone really happy, so if someone doesnt reply or decides not to message me... then its their loss. Especially since 99% of guys on the site are the opposite.

That has worked really well. Even had 1 quite hot girl I turned down from it. I messaged her, she replied to my 1st message and I thought it could go ok, after 2nd message to her she never replied back.... until nearly a month later. Where she was asking how I was and said what I put on my profile about guys on the site is true.

Clearly she grew an ego, thought she could get someone better or "super hot", then as soon as she realised the guys on the site are lame and I seemed 1 of the few good 1's she tried to crawl back.... I didnt even reply and just deleted her message


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Ok, I'm going to try and work up the courage to do some approaches tomorrow. Umm, is there anything I should do to prep for this?


What's your situation like? Where are you planning on meeting these girls? How do you plan on talking to them, etc.?


----------



## Zeeshan

feeling a bit down, fell asleep and dreamt of my high school crush, a really unfulfilled desire in my life.

i would certainly find her now, unfortunately having chosen to stay off of facebook doesnt help. i wonder if she is single though, i bet my new found confidence could really help me


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> feeling a bit down, fell asleep and dreamt of my high school crush, a really unfulfilled desire in my life.
> 
> i would certainly find her now, unfortunately having chosen to stay off of facebook doesnt help. i wonder if she is single though, i bet my new found confidence could really help me


Unfulfilled desires are great motivators!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Unfulfilled desires are great motivators!


I know, i think i am going to do something about this. I think when i look back in life, this has always been something that bothered me, and i think its coming back up as a matter that needs resolution TBH. I have dealt with just about everything, and am in the best place i have ever been in my life, so lately all of a sudden this has been coming to the surface like an unsolved issue.

I know its pretty lame, but hey earlier in the thread Rymo went through the same thing.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I know, i think i am going to do something about this. I think when i look back in life, this has always been something that bothered me, and i think its coming back up as a matter that needs resolution TBH. I have dealt with just about everything, and am in the best place i have ever been in my life, so lately all of a sudden this has been coming to the surface like an unsolved issue.
> 
> I know its pretty lame, but hey earlier in the thread Rymo went through the same thing.


No matter what success we find there will always be another struggle in our lives. We tend to think that being successful at something will solve our problems but another one will always pop up. So just move forward to the things you personally want to accomplish regardless of what issues arise because there will always be issues. When it comes down to it, if it's important to you then it's important to you, and I think we will always learn the most from things that we are the most curious about. Also, the "struggles" are things that bring the most direction, purpose, drive, satisfaction and excitement into our lives if we work with them. If we don't work with our struggles then we are essentially turning down all the possibilities of living that exciting life and we just feel negative for not exploring it. I think that's the biggest loss for people with SA or other forms of avoidance personalities because they do not experience that "struggle" because they avoid it and they don't grow.

A little out there but true words and I think it kind of goes with what you're saying. I honestly just wanted to write that too .


----------



## bsd3355

So I asked the girl I went on a date with Saturday if she'd like to meet up sometime this week for drinks downtown. She said this is her last week of classes and said she didn't think she'd have free time. If it's her last week she could have time on the weekend, but it's all good. I told her maybe another time when she has free time. This girl doesn't seem too excited to hang out so I'm definitely not putting my hopes up for her and I'll be out soon meeting more girls. Kinda disappointed but it's all good. She may be one of those rare girls that actually wants to meet up but sincerely doesn't have the time, but I doubt it. People always have time if they want to.


----------



## Ivan AG

Do anyone else get overwhelmed by theory in dating advice?

By theory I mean 1-2 hour seminars on "Inner Game" and about a billion little tips and mind tricks that all those different PUAs try to cram in their sessions?

I keep listening to those RSD seminars and lectures on how to get centered, create your own reality, become outcome free, etc. and it's making me more and more confused about dating.

It makes it look like a rocket science or quantum physics.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Do anyone else get overwhelmed by theory in dating advice?
> 
> By theory I mean 1-2 hour seminars on "Inner Game" and about a billion little tips and mind tricks that all those different PUAs try to cram in their sessions?
> 
> I keep listening to those RSD seminars and lectures on how to get centered, create your own reality, become outcome free, etc. and it's making me more and more confused about dating.
> 
> It makes it look like a rocket science or quantum physics.


 I can sum up everything they talk about here and now texting from my phone:

Approach a lot; practice indifference; lead/ask; repeat

That's all there is to it


----------



## Nexus777

Ivan AG said:


> Do anyone else get overwhelmed by theory in dating advice?
> 
> By theory I mean 1-2 hour seminars on "Inner Game" and about a billion little tips and mind tricks that all those different PUAs try to cram in their sessions?
> 
> I keep listening to those RSD seminars and lectures on how to get centered, create your own reality, become outcome free, etc. and it's making me more and more confused about dating.
> 
> It makes it look like a rocket science or quantum physics.


Signed. I read a lot of this stuff...I was even poster in a "PUA" forum.I must say, PUA might work, if you have already a personality for it. From my experience it won´t work for SA or very unsecure/shy guys. Like me....:yes

The only thing I got from all this stuff is, that rejection is a more "normal" thing than I thought in the past. I mean put yourself in the girls shoes your approached by a complete stranger. Unless the girl in question is lonely like hell, ugly or a sex hungry ***** she rarely will be positive. There´s also this statistic that says 60% of relationships happen through friends. means you meet your partner at friends parties etc. Even maybe ur introduced etc. This would help immensevly. But without social live ?


----------



## Sourdog

Holy ****, getting past the anxiety to approach a girl is friggin hard. I got 2 hi's today and that almost gave me a heart attack. Hopefully i'm making some progress.


----------



## nautilus

Sourdog said:


> Holy ****, getting past the anxiety to approach a girl is friggin hard. I got 2 hi's today and that almost gave me a heart attack. Hopefully i'm making some progress.


Being able to act on something while feeling terrified is a very good sign  Keep it up!


----------



## bsd3355

I had a drive to want to do some approaches today after I assume the girl I went on a date with doesn't want another one. I had an hour to waste and approached 2 girls.

The first girl didn't give me her number after I asked; the second girl I said was pretty and had a bit of a convo but didn't ask for number (doh). It's all good though. It happens.

Tomorrow I want to get 4 numbers. I'll leave semi-early as I don't have any school and spend some extra time approaching.

There have been sticking points that I haven't been able to get over, and so I want to work on those as well. Reason being, if I get over some of my lingering fears I'll open up more possibilities. I still care what other people think about me and it stops me from approaching. I am beginning to really dislike this "comfort" thing I've been doing which is approach when hardly anyone is around. I really need to work on that because it'll save me so much time and it'll open up opportunities. Last week I came up with things I could do to overcome it which I plan on implementing. If I could overcome this one thing I'd say I pretty much have it down the way I want it.


----------



## phoenixwright

I noticed when checking Google Maps that there is an apartment building right behind the restaurant that my date (this is our second date) picked out. The restaurant is in her area. I wonder if that is her apartment building. The date is tomorrow.

I wonder if she's at least thinking about it going all the way. Picking out a restaurant right next to her apartment building. She suggested we meet in her area since she I expressed concern about her visual impairment that makes it hard for her to drive at night in the rain (we had post-poned the first date because of this). But a restaurant right next to her apartment? I can't help but think she has something sinister planned. Most girls live by the third date rule. But what's one date early? lol. You would think she would have saved her "restaurant next to her apartment" card for date three. Why would she play that hand now and then choose a further out place for date three? Unless date two is making out and fooling around at her apartment after dining and date three is "why don't I invite you over for a home cooked meal?" and then sexy time afterwards.

There is a part of me that wouldn't mind if that's what she wanted. But a part of me that would want to take things slower because of my track record of things not working out so smoothly when I just rush into it before my comfort level needs to be where it needs to be.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I noticed when checking Google Maps that there is an apartment building right behind the restaurant that my date (this is our second date) picked out. The restaurant is in her area. I wonder if that is her apartment building. The date is tomorrow.
> 
> I wonder if she's at least thinking about it going all the way. Picking out a restaurant right next to her apartment building. She suggested we meet in her area since she I expressed concern about her visual impairment that makes it hard for her to drive at night in the rain (we had post-poned the first date because of this). But a restaurant right next to her apartment? I can't help but think she has something sinister planned. Most girls live by the third date rule. But what's one date early? lol. You would think she would have saved her "restaurant next to her apartment" card for date three. Why would she play that hand now and then choose a further out place for date three? Unless date two is making out and fooling around at her apartment after dining and date three is "why don't I invite you over for a home cooked meal?" and then sexy time afterwards.
> 
> There is a part of me that wouldn't mind if that's what she wanted. But a part of me that would want to take things slower because of my track record of things not working out so smoothly when I just rush into it before my comfort level needs to be where it needs to be.


You are reading way too much into this wayyy too much....you haven't even kissed yet for gods sakes lmao


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> You are reading way too much into this wayyy too much....you haven't even kissed yet for gods sakes lmao


Agreed. Stop over-analyzing things phoenix, and just try to have a good time.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> You are reading way too much into this wayyy too much....you haven't even kissed yet for gods sakes lmao


Where is it a rule that you sex will not happen until the 10th date if you haven't kissed her on the first? lol.

I'm the type of person that just does not like uncertainty. Hence why I over-analyze.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Where is it a rule that you sex will not happen until the 10th date if you haven't kissed her on the first? lol.
> 
> I'm the type of person that just does not like uncertainty. Hence why I over-analyze.


No one's saying it's not understandable, just maybe something to work on.


----------



## bsd3355

Just some things to think about:






This video is kind of funny considering his name is sashaPUA...lol but w/e.. i'm not trying to promote any ideas or anything just sharing random videos..just randoms tuff


----------



## bsd3355

Damn, lost all motivation I had to go out and try from yesterday.

Will be sitting here doing nothing probably for a while yet..


----------



## phoenixwright

Second date and I didn't kiss her. lol. (honestly I'm not surprised by this result because I told myself that I would not force myself if it didn't feel right. But I felt like I wouldn't have been surprised if I got laid either. Provided there was the appropriate tension. Yeah it sounds ridiculous but it's all about the mood and atmosphere) I don't know what to tell you guys. She's pretty (and she even dressed up more this time) but I can't just go for it without any sort of build up. I didn't get any sort of impression from her body language (keep in mind that I most likely have Asperger's Syndrome) that she wanted a kiss. It didn't feel right to go for it. There were mints on the table at the restaurant near the entrance. She picked a couple out and offered me one. I think she said something about getting something from her purse and I couldn't tell if she was signalling me to go for it or what. I didn't feel for it so I didn't. Then when we saw each other outside, she gave me a hug, which I returned (she hugged me also when I arrived). 

I don't know if she's perfectly fine with what happened and she either wants to continue dating or just isn't interested. Or if she's just going "WTF?! Does he not like me? Is he shy?"


----------



## Steve123

Building one out of lego.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Second date and I didn't kiss her. lol. (honestly I'm not surprised by this result because I told myself that I would not force myself if it didn't feel right. But I felt like I wouldn't have been surprised if I got laid either. Provided there was the appropriate tension. Yeah it sounds ridiculous but it's all about the mood and atmosphere) I don't know what to tell you guys. She's pretty (and she even dressed up more this time) but I can't just go for it without any sort of build up. I didn't get any sort of impression from her body language (keep in mind that I most likely have Asperger's Syndrome) that she wanted a kiss. It didn't feel right to go for it. There were mints on the table at the restaurant near the entrance. She picked a couple out and offered me one. I think she said something about getting something from her purse and I couldn't tell if she was signalling me to go for it or what. I didn't feel for it so I didn't. Then when we saw each other outside, she gave me a hug, which I returned (she hugged me also when I arrived).
> 
> I don't know if she's perfectly fine with what happened and she either wants to continue dating or just isn't interested. Or if she's just going "WTF?! Does he not like me? Is he shy?"


Set a date next time that is more "romantic" or that sets the mood to get intimate perhaps. Try a movie at your place, a quite bar, a stroll in the park; somewhere that you can get close and share intimate space. A public restaurant isn't ideal. I would of probably went for the kiss at the end when you hugged though.

Most my dates are intimate where we have multiple instances of alone time and can flirt without staring at food. Do something more intimate next time and then just go for it. Girls that go on dates with you expect you to kiss them usually. Everyone expects a kiss on a date usually. Just do it.


----------



## bsd3355

Went out briefly today but no numbers. I approached 1 in the crappy rainy weather but she split before I asked for her number. The other girl I didn't even get into a conversation with really.

I'll try again tomorrow.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Set a date next time that is more "romantic" or that sets the mood to get intimate perhaps. Try a movie at your place, a quite bar, a stroll in the park; somewhere that you can get close and share intimate space. A public restaurant isn't ideal. I would of probably went for the kiss at the end when you hugged though.
> 
> Most my dates are intimate where we have multiple instances of alone time and can flirt without staring at food. Do something more intimate next time and then just go for it. Girls that go on dates with you expect you to kiss them usually. Everyone expects a kiss on a date usually. Just do it.


Her apartment was like right next to the restaurant. That would have been the perfect opportunity for intimacy. lol. I can't just go into a kiss "cold" with no build up of any sort. It would make for a very awkward moment.

I have always initiated kissing. But only after receiving a clear signal. Maybe the purse or mints thing was a signal. I don't know.

It's her birthday tomorrow so I'm going to text her tomorrow wishing her a happy birthday. But yeah I'm trying to formulate a plan for date three. The whole next to her apartment thing (especially the day before her birthday) was a good opportunity but yea. lol. When we were in the parking lot (after the hug and when I did not kiss her) she was like "where are you parked?" I pointed to my car right in front of the restaurant. And then she said "my apartment is over there, see ya" (something like that).

I take it that what I'm saying (about there being no tension or build up) makes sense? I can't imagine that you just kiss a girl cold with no build up or anything.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Her apartment was like right next to the restaurant. That would have been the perfect opportunity for intimacy. lol. I can't just go into a kiss "cold" with no build up of any sort. It would make for a very awkward moment.
> 
> I have always initiated kissing. But only after receiving a clear signal. Maybe the purse or mints thing was a signal. I don't know.
> 
> It's her birthday tomorrow so I'm going to text her tomorrow wishing her a happy birthday. But yeah I'm trying to formulate a plan for date three. The whole next to her apartment thing (especially the day before her birthday) was a good opportunity but yea. lol. When we were in the parking lot (after the hug and when I did not kiss her) she was like "where are you parked?" I pointed to my car right in front of the restaurant. And then she said "my apartment is over there, see ya" (something like that).
> 
> I take it that what I'm saying (about there being no tension or build up) makes sense? I can't imagine that you just kiss a girl cold with no build up or anything.


Like I said, I don't like the dinner dates. The only time I'd kiss a girl after a dinner date is before we separate, but even then you have to consider the chemistry, which I personally feel is alive when you both like each other.

Text her and ask if she's seen any good movies lately. When she replies say you've been wanting to rent a movie for a while and just invite her over. _ It's the third date, she'll accept dude, trust me._ If she doesn't then she's probably not that interested sexually. If you don't kiss her on the third date dude you are taking way too long. I almost always kiss girls on the first date who like me on that level.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Her apartment was like right next to the restaurant. That would have been the perfect opportunity for intimacy. lol. I can't just go into a kiss "cold" with no build up of any sort. It would make for a very awkward moment.
> 
> I have always initiated kissing. But only after receiving a clear signal. Maybe the purse or mints thing was a signal. I don't know.
> 
> It's her birthday tomorrow so I'm going to text her tomorrow wishing her a happy birthday. But yeah I'm trying to formulate a plan for date three. The whole next to her apartment thing (especially the day before her birthday) was a good opportunity but yea. lol. When we were in the parking lot (after the hug and when I did not kiss her) she was like "where are you parked?" I pointed to my car right in front of the restaurant. And then she said "my apartment is over there, see ya" (something like that).
> 
> I take it that what I'm saying (about there being no tension or build up) makes sense? I can't imagine that you just kiss a girl cold with no build up or anything.


Nothing would happen. She might turn her face

Anyways you are right wait for till it feels rigth


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Like I said, I don't like the dinner dates. The only time I'd kiss a girl after a dinner date is before we separate, but even then you have to consider the chemistry, which I personally feel is alive when you both like each other.
> 
> Text her and ask if she's seen any good movies lately. When she replies say you've been wanting to rent a movie for a while and just invite her over. _ It's the third date, she'll accept dude, trust me._ If she doesn't then she's probably not that interested sexually. If you don't kiss her on the third date dude you are taking way too long. I almost always kiss girls on the first date who like me on that level.


My female friend just said five minutes ago to suggest a movie date at her place. The girl actually talked about Netflix with me on the second date and suggested a couple shows for me to watch.

Like you, my female friend said that if this girl likes me, she will accept. And she will know that a movie date at her place means first base at least. So yeah I'm going to go with this option.

The dinner date was her idea so yeah there's not much I could do there. Maybe the chemistry just isn't there. I likely have Asperger's. That's to be expected. We are anti-chemistry and anti-organic. We are mechanical.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> My female friend just said five minutes ago to suggest a movie date at her place. The girl actually talked about Netflix with me on the second date and suggested a couple shows for me to watch.
> 
> Like you, my female friend said that if this girl likes me, she will accept. And she will know that a movie date at her place means first base at least. So yeah I'm going to go with this option.
> 
> The dinner date was her idea so yeah there's not much I could do there. Maybe the chemistry just isn't there. I likely have Asperger's. That's to be expected. We are anti-chemistry and anti-organic. We are mechanical.


That's a great idea. Plus it always allows u to loosen up with a few drinks


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> That's a great idea. Plus it always allows u to loosen up with a few drinks


Yeah, I usually drink when I can at my house with a girl. Good idea. Just don't get stupid-faced.

I think you'll see that the pressure to kiss is much more relaxed in that setting. GL!


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I usually drink when I can at my house with a girl. Good idea. Just don't get stupid-faced.
> 
> I think you'll see that the pressure to kiss is much more relaxed in that setting. GL!


I'm not sure if alcohol would be my friend or my enemy. Alcohol mellows me the **** out usually. But alcohol can leave you with a wet noodle too. lol. I have never actually really tried getting drunk before hooking up with a girl though.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I'm not sure if alcohol would be my friend or my enemy. Alcohol mellows me the **** out usually. But alcohol can leave you with a wet noodle too. lol. I have never actually really tried getting drunk before hooking up with a girl though.


I just mean a couple beers or something. That's all I usually drink and it does nothing to me but just mellows me out slightly


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Girls that go on dates with you expect you to kiss them usually. Everyone expects a kiss on a date usually. Just do it.


Is it really like that?

I always be thought that the situation and chemistry must be the right one. Not that it's somewhat implicit.


----------



## phoenixwright

I wished her a happy birthday this afternoon. We had a couple text exchanges. She gave. 2 word responses. I don't think she's interested anymore. There might not be any chemistry there. Having Asperger's most likely, I am anti-chemistry basically.

I'll probably still text her in the evening asking her if she'd like a movie/Netflix date at her place. She'll probably say no and I probably shouldnt bother. I don't blame her since I think it's pretty hopeless for me to have chemistry with anyone.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Is it really like that?
> 
> I always be thought that the situation and chemistry must be the right one. Not that it's somewhat implicit.


If the date goes terribly, then going for a kiss will feel very out of place. But if it's going at least decently well and you physically escalate somewhat, it would actually be weird _not_ to go for a kiss. Girls will see that as you not taking initiative and not being confident, OR they might even think you don't like them. I generally say go for the kiss on the first date, but if you're unsure how things went, give it one more date max to go for it.

What you have to understand is that a girl doesn't have to be head over heels for you to want to kiss or make out. If she had a good time with you and you're acting confident she'll have no issue with it, because kissing isn't such a big deal. It's a fun thing to do. It will also eliminate some of that social tension between you while ramping up the sexual tension, which is always good. Dating is not some super serious thing that people think it is. In the beginning at least, it's just two people hanging out, having a good time. If you view it that way, you will be much more successful. After x amount of dates if you want to get more serious, you can try for that, but in the beginning just try to have fun, kiss, yadda yadda yadda.


----------



## phoenixwright

What happens if you don't physically escalate at all? Her hugs and body language (keep in mind I'm an aspie. I'm not the greatest with reading body language) seemed platonic too in those two dates. I don't sense any tension there.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> What happens if you don't physically escalate at all? Her hugs and body language (keep in mind I'm an aspie. I'm not the greatest with reading body language) seemed platonic too in those two dates. I don't sense any tension there.


Like I said, if there's no build up to the kiss then it will come off as forced. Make sure you physically escalate. It can be as simple as hugging her, touching her arm, fist bump/high-five, later holding hands. As you do it you'll get more of a feel for when it's appropriate and what exactly is appropriate. But err _slightly_ on the side of not appropriate, because you'd be surprised what you can get away with. And no, I'm not talking about a boob grab. I'm talking about something like holding hands. You might not think you have enough of a connection to do that yet, but the reality is if you go for it you are establishing yourself as confident and she will _want_ to reciprocate. What I'm saying is, it's okay to be slightly aggressive. That's the quickest way to establish sexual tension.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I'll probably still text her in the evening asking her if she'd like a movie/Netflix date at her place. She'll probably say no and I probably shouldnt bother.


Major lesson:

You _ALWAYS_ try regardless how you feel! Often times we simply misinterpret things. In this instance, you try. It is better to burn it to the ground and know for sure it's over than assume. I always make sure I know the girl isn't interested before I move on.


----------



## bsd3355

I approached 4 girls today at campus. I wanted to get 4 numbers today as I want to try and make that the norm when I go out, but it's pretty tough. I only got 1 number of which she didn't text me back. The other girls all had boyfriends.

I might go out later because I am determined to get 4 numbers a day! I am trying to increase the numbers to see if it makes a difference in dates, etc.

As always, will be working on sticking points. If I work on my sticking points I can almost guarantee phone numbers and dates will go up simply because I'll be approaching much more every time I go out. I only approached 4 today so far. I should of approached 10 _at least_, and I had the opportunity to but didn't because of certain fears--all that does is prolong time and decrease the number of opportunities.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> What you have to understand is that a girl doesn't have to be head over heels for you to want to kiss or make out.
> ... but in the beginning just try to have fun, kiss, yadda yadda yadda.


That's my problem. I don't think kissing or holding hands is some casual thing to do. I know that girls kiss their platonic friends, but I've never been in that kind of social circle.

For me it's like that: you don't kiss or hold hands with someone you don't think would be a great match for a relationship.

I know that my point of view is somewhat skewed and not the average one, but I would have problems doing those things in a nonchalant way.

What I'm really asking myself is, if the girl really *expects* you to kiss her. Otherwise it wouldn't count as a date or that you don't like her, despite talking about a follow-up date.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> That's my problem. I don't think kissing or holding hands is some casual thing to do. I know that girls kiss their platonic friends, but I've never been in that kind of social circle.
> 
> For me it's like that: you don't kiss or hold hands with someone you don't think would be a great match for a relationship.
> 
> I know that my point of view is somewhat skewed and not the average one, but I would have problems doing those things in a nonchalant way.
> 
> What I'm really asking myself is, if the girl really *expects* you to kiss her. Otherwise it wouldn't count as a date or that you don't like her, despite talking about a follow-up date.


Of course you aren't comfortable with it since you haven't been doing it. It takes practice to feel comfortable with anything. If you are morally opposed to it, that's another story. To your question, it really depends on the girl. Most girls (subconsciously or otherwise) are expecting the guy to be physically escalating and going for a kiss in the context of a date. But if you go for a religious type or some really shy girl, it could be a different story.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Of course you aren't comfortable with it since you haven't been doing it. It takes practice to feel comfortable with anything. If you are morally opposed to it, that's another story. To your question, it really depends on the girl. Most girls (subconsciously or otherwise) are expecting the guy to be physically escalating and going for a kiss in the context of a date. But if you go for a religious type or some really shy girl, it could be a different story.


Yeah, I've been with a shy girl and I asked her if she wants to hold hands every time we were together, like the beta I am.
It or I didn't feel comfortable at all to just go for it and grab her hand.

I'm not morally opposed to kissing or holding hands with someone you don't really want to date, that came out wrong.

I wanted to say that *I* don't or even couldn't kiss or hold hands with someone *I* don't think would be a great match for a relationship.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Yeah, I've been with a shy girl and I asked her if she wants to hold hands every time we were together, like the beta I am.
> It or I didn't feel comfortable at all to just go for it and grab her hand.
> 
> I'm not morally opposed to kissing or holding hands with someone you don't really want to date, that came out wrong.
> 
> I wanted to say that *I* don't or even couldn't kiss or hold hands with someone *I* don't think would be a great match for a relationship.


You're not into casual dating or fwb situations, fair enough. I still think you should work on the physical escalation without asking, though. It's not supposed to be comfortable for you at first, you just gotta go for it. Like I said, as with anything else in life, it takes practice to get better at it.


----------



## bsd3355

OK, so total, approached 6 girls today and only one number and she didn't text back 

Ah well, such is life sometimes


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> OK, so total, approached 6 girls today and only one number and she didn't text back
> 
> Ah well, such is life sometimes


When you approach, do you have a goal in mind or do you just want to start a convo with a girl?

Like do you always think "I have to get a number" or do you just let things happen.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> When you approach, do you have a goal in mind or do you just want to start a convo with a girl?
> 
> Like do you always think "I have to get a number" or do you just let things happen.


Honestly, my goal every time I go out is to get numbers so I can try and follow up on dates. Without numbers you have no chance at all. Numbers are a must.

But I think what you're meaning to ask me is if my conversations are natural or forced because my goal is to get numbers? Given the context of where I meet girls recently--walking around campus when they usually going between classes--most my interactions are somewhat forced and structured. And I've done this long enough to know that it doesn't matter what you say; if anything, the main thing that makes a difference is your overall vibe; even that, you can still get numbers with a ****ty vibe if you're a decent conversationalist and lead the interaction decently.

Personally, I feel it's all about what YOU think while you are meeting girls, is the ultimate factor of whether or not you are going to do "good" or "bad". You have to keep in mind that meeting girls can be a very random thing and you can be rejected for a million different reasons. Given the circumstance that I meet girls, I don't really have the luxury (usually) to just chat her up for 20 minutes while she's on her way somewhere. Usually most girls will not stop and just have a long chat with you under this context, especially when they aren't prepared for it. It CAN happen but you got to really want to have a conversation and at the same time your vibe needs to be on point.

You have only a few "weapons" at your disposal that you can control, and they are:

1. You approach the girl
2. You lead the conversation
3. You ask for number or date

Really, that's all you can honestly do. If you can keep your "inner-self" unaffected then it isn't as difficult as people think. It can be very time consuming though. I spent 3 hours walking around total today and only approached 6 girls. It should of been much higher than that but I'm still dealing with internal fears.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> Honestly, my goal every time I go out is to get numbers so I can try and follow up on dates. Without numbers you have no chance at all. Numbers are a must.
> 
> But I think what you're meaning to ask me is if my conversations are natural or forced because my goal is to get numbers? Given the context of where I meet girls recently--walking around campus when they usually going between classes--most my interactions are somewhat forced and structured. And I've done this long enough to know that it doesn't matter what you say; if anything, the main thing that makes a difference is your overall vibe; even that, you can still get numbers with a ****ty vibe if you're a decent conversationalist and lead the interaction decently.
> 
> Personally, I feel it's all about what YOU think while you are meeting girls, is the ultimate factor of whether or not you are going to do "good" or "bad". You have to keep in mind that meeting girls can be a very random thing and you can be rejected for a million different reasons. Given the circumstance that I meet girls, I don't really have the luxury (usually) to just chat her up for 20 minutes while she's on her way somewhere. Usually most girls will not stop and just have a long chat with you under this context, especially when they aren't prepared for it. It CAN happen but you got to really want to have a conversation and at the same time your vibe needs to be on point.
> 
> You have only a few "weapons" at your disposal that you can control, and they are:
> 
> 1. You approach the girl
> 2. You lead the conversation
> 3. You ask for number or date
> 
> Really, that's all you can honestly do. If you can keep your "inner-self" unaffected then it isn't as difficult as people think. It can be very time consuming though. I spent 3 hours walking around total today and only approached 6 girls. It should of been much higher than that but I'm still dealing with internal fears.


I hardly go out with the mindset of "Oh, I'll just go out and have fun talking to random girls and just see where the night leads me" unless I'm in a bar context and I'm with friends or something. Almost always I have a purpose and a goal but I'm a good conversationalist so I can mask things very well if need be so it doesn't seem forced.

I don't really like advice like "You'll meet someone when you're not looking" or "Don't try and it'll happen"........BULL****. I think this only works for those lucky enough to be approached consistently. When people say don't try and it'll happen, what would make that assumption work is to instead say, "Go out and have fun. Talk to people. Enjoy yourself, but don't forget to escalate on numbers or dates if you find yourself really liking someone!"

The idea that doing nothing is what will bring you results is a PIPE DREAM and will only happen on rare occasions, especially as a man! Only people who are lucky enough to be approached by the kind of people they are attracted to consistently can do nothing almost and get the type of people they genuinely are attracted to.

I think if you want to get numbers and dates on a consistent basis and not on rare occasions then you need to go out with a goal or purpose in mind or else you won't be focused and you'll let all your excuses take over.


----------



## Ivan AG

Damn, I forgot who was saying this but one of those pickup guys (Alex from RSD or David Wygant) was preaching on about how going only after numbers will prevent you from enjoying the moment and make you into some kind of soldier that just approaches mechanically without any emotion to it.

It made a lot of sense, but I can't find that video.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> What happens if you don't physically escalate at all? Her hugs and body language (keep in mind I'm an aspie. I'm not the greatest with reading body language) seemed platonic too in those two dates. I don't sense any tension there.


Buddy i dont understand your mindset. She is having dinner with you for God's sakes. You know what you didnt make a move, and now she probably thinks

1) You arent interested
2) You dont have enough confidence to make a move

You gotta give her a call and try to set something up


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Damn, I forgot who was saying this but one of those pickup guys (Alex from RSD or David Wygant) was preaching on about how going only after numbers will prevent you from enjoying the moment and make you into some kind of soldier that just approaches mechanically without any emotion to it.
> 
> It made a lot of sense, but I can't find that video.


I've heard nearly every coach say this too and I know what video you are talking about. I think they say this to guys because people get easily discouraged when they aren't enjoying going out and meeting girls. If you can find something that keeps you going out week after week for hours on end meeting girls then you don't really need to go out to have "fun" unless that is also a goal for you.

2hrs for me is usually my limit on meeting girls for a day. I get bored and tired after that.

I'm motivated by other things because I know it's what I have to do to meet girls. I also know that it is currently the most productive way I know how to meet girls atm. I am motivated by the FACT that I can get better simply by not letting certain fears limit me and setting standards for when I go out (ex: 4 numbers an outing). I am motivated to go out all the time because I know there is magic in meeting women I'm attracted to. The chase is fun; trying to improve myself is huge on my list, especially when it comes to meeting women, etc. I am motivated by the belief that I can finally date who I'm attracted to consistently if need be if I can learn to overcome certain fears and keep certain standards. Most people do not set these standards for themselves because it is not the norm to see guys or girls approach so much in real life; they also assume that they can't meet girls they are attracted to (I don't mean like supermodels or anything, but I mean girls THEY are attracted to). People just give up and let rejection define them as a person and what they are capable of and then they live their life that way under the assumption they "can't" without enough evidence or without trying new things. I am motivated because I am almost certain of the fact that if I keep working on this I'll improve to the point where I can date the kind of girls I find attracted if need be within a short matter of time. I am not there yet and because I realize I am being limited by my fears still and I need to do more when I go out. All this motivates me more than having fun. Actually, this is kind of like my "fun"...I'd rather go out and spend half a day meeting girls than sitting at home watching tv or spending days on end on my computer. This is much as a hobby as it is personal development. I have extreme amounts of fun on dates, but not always meeting the girls from approaching because I still attach fears to that somewhat.

I'm willing to pay a price for what I think is high reward in the end like Jad T jones says. I have always been motivated by challenges and things that matter most to me. I'll do this until I get to the point where it's easy and boring to me, and when I get there it'll just be another thing I learned to overcome much like everything else in life so far. I am not "overcoming" women as some people think and get offended by--thinking that somehow I am manipulating women or something stupid like that--this isn't about that. Sure, I'll get rejected a **** ton more but I'm also learning what it takes to be successful. Rejection is part of success and process. I know some people here are dying at the chance to say something like, "well, if you're getting rejected so much then you obviously aren't worthy to them, so why do you think you can succeed? And why do you keep doing it?" It's because I've already proven to myself otherwise and I am on the verge of proving even greater things to myself if I keep at it.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> I've heard nearly every coach say this too and I know what video you are talking about. I think they say this to guys because people get easily discouraged when they aren't enjoying going out and meeting girls. If you can find something that keeps you going out week after week for hours on end meeting girls then you don't really need to go out to have "fun" unless that is also a goal for you.
> 
> 2hrs for me is usually my limit on meeting girls for a day. I get bored and tired after that.
> 
> I'm motivated by other things because I know it's what I have to do to meet girls. I also know that it is currently the most productive way I know how to meet girls atm. I am motivated by the FACT that I can get better simply by not letting certain fears limit me and setting standards for when I go out (ex: 4 numbers an outing). I am motivated to go out all the time because I know there is magic in meeting women I'm attracted to. The chase is fun; trying to improve myself is huge on my list, especially when it comes to meeting women, etc. I am motivated by the belief that I can finally date who I'm attracted to consistently if need be if I can learn to overcome certain fears and keep certain standards. Most people do not set these standards for themselves because it is not the norm to see guys or girls approach so much in real life; they also assume that they can't meet girls they are attracted to (I don't mean like supermodels or anything, but I mean girls THEY are attracted to). People just give up and let rejection define them as a person and what they are capable of and then they live their life that way under the assumption they "can't" without enough evidence or without trying new things. I am motivated because I am almost certain of the fact that if I keep working on this I'll improve to the point where I can date the kind of girls I find attracted if need be within a short matter of time. I am not there yet and because I realize I am being limited by my fears still and I need to do more when I go out. All this motivates me more than having fun. Actually, this is kind of like my "fun"...I'd rather go out and spend half a day meeting girls than sitting at home watching tv or spending days on end on my computer. This is much as a hobby as it is personal development. I have extreme amounts of fun on dates, but not always meeting the girls from approaching because I still attach fears to that somewhat.
> 
> I'm willing to pay a price for what I think is high reward in the end like Jad T jones says. I have always been motivated by challenges and things that matter most to me. I'll do this until I get to the point where it's easy and boring to me, and when I get there it'll just be another thing I learned to overcome much like everything else in life so far. I am not "overcoming" women as some people think and get offended by--thinking that somehow I am manipulating women or something stupid like that--this isn't about that. Sure, I'll get rejected a **** ton more but I'm also learning what it takes to be successful. Rejection is part of success and process. I know some people here are dying at the chance to say something like, "well, if you're getting rejected so much then you obviously aren't worthy to them, so why do you think you can succeed? And why do you keep doing it?" It's because I've already proven to myself otherwise and I am on the verge of proving even greater things to myself if I keep at it.


Also, have you seen some of the videos of these guys from the "pick up" community? They are machines. They literally will approach girl after girl in front of the girl the just approached as if they were standing in line to be approached. This is more reference to what "being a machine" is in my opinion. I am not really like that at all. But let's say I was, why would that be such a bad thing anyway? The girl just rejected you, so why would it matter if you approached other girls in front of her? Approaching like a machine is fine unless you just met a girl who likes you and gave you her number or something then it's kind of disrespectful as well as stupid on your part.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Buddy i dont understand your mindset. She is having dinner with you for God's sakes. You know what you didnt make a move, and now she probably thinks
> 
> 1) You arent interested
> 2) You dont have enough confidence to make a move
> 
> You gotta give her a call and try to set something up


I didn't get any sense from her body language that she wanted me to kiss her. And like I said, the hug felt platonic. Does it not make sense to the guys here that I didn't feel any sort of sexual urgency towards her? She's pretty. But the mood has to be right.

And I probably should wait until tomorrow to ask her for date 3 (netflix/movie date at her place) since it's her birthday today and she is most likely busy.

Interestingly enough, she used to work in a sex shop and wanted to be a sex therapist at one point.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I didn't get any sense from her body language that she wanted me to kiss her. And like I said, the hug felt platonic. Does it not make sense to the guys here that I didn't feel any sort of sexual urgency towards her? She's pretty. But the mood has to be right.
> 
> Interestingly enough, she used to work in a sex shop and wanted to be a sex therapist at one point.


No, I know what you mean by the mood needing to be right. Maybe you two just don't have that chemistry? Who knows. I'd still try at some point though


----------



## rymo

I hate to say this but sometimes I feel like you guys are over-complicating things.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I hate to say this but sometimes I feel like you guys are over-complicating things.


I don't know if you are talking to me or not but I still agree lol.

As far ask the kissing thing goes, you know how you find out? You do it. Then all this questioning wouldn't be going on in the first place.

But at the same time, questions are good when you want to understand so it's cool i guess if you want to understand


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> I hate to say this but sometimes I feel like you guys are over-complicating things.


Word.

There's genius in simplicity.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Imagine how awesome having bwidger as a wing would be. 

"Dude I really want to talk to that girl, but the anxiety is getting to me"
"Standards! Limiting beliefs! Rejection is reference! **** internal fears!


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Imagine how awesome having bwidger as a wing would be.
> 
> "Dude I really want to talk to that girl, but the anxiety is getting to me"
> "Standards! Limiting beliefs! Rejection is reference! **** internal fears!


I'd be the type to approach her for you and then have you get her number lol to show you how easy it is. We just need the push sometimes

I'm pretty mellow for the most part tbh. Get me on a topic I'm passionate about and I'll talk your ears off though


----------



## stoolie

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Imagine how awesome having bwidger as a wing would be.
> 
> "Dude I really want to talk to that girl, but the anxiety is getting to me"
> "Standards! Limiting beliefs! Rejection is reference! **** internal fears!


That would be awesome!

"Let's go home, I'm tired"
"No! We have to get 14 more numbers!!!!!11111"


----------



## phoenixwright

She declined my third date invitation. I feel like I was right to trust my gut instinct on this one. She wasn't giving me any sort of vibes beyond the platonic. Those were friend smiles, those were friend hugs. Why would I go for the kiss when the spark isn't there?

Me: I'm just going to relax. I deserve it. lol. Hey would you like to do a Netflix/DVD movie type thing at your place? You said you had a big tv. 
Her: I've had a good time on our previous dates, but unfortunately I don't really see this going anywhere.
Me: After that second date I figured you might have thought I was being passive for no going for a kiss after two dates. I didn't feel the necessary tension/mood/whatever was there to go for it. I had fun and think you're pretty but I didn't want to force anything.
Her: That's not it. You didn't do anything wrong I just don't feel a connection
Me: Fair enough. I wanted to give it another shot. But yea there wasn't that tension/connection/whatever you want to call it.


----------



## Sourdog

I may be going into the city tomorrow so maybe I will approach girls there. For some reason I find it impossible to approach at my highschool.


----------



## Sourdog

phoenixwright said:


> She declined my third date invitation. I feel like I was right to trust my gut instinct on this one. She wasn't giving me any sort of vibes beyond the platonic. Those were friend smiles, those were friend hugs. Why would I go for the kiss when the spark isn't there?
> 
> Me: I'm just going to relax. I deserve it. lol. Hey would you like to do a Netflix/DVD movie type thing at your place? You said you had a big tv.
> Her: I've had a good time on our previous dates, but unfortunately I don't really see this going anywhere.
> Me: After that second date I figured you might have thought I was being passive for no going for a kiss after two dates. I didn't feel the necessary tension/mood/whatever was there to go for it. I had fun and think you're pretty but I didn't want to force anything.
> Her: That's not it. You didn't do anything wrong I just don't feel a connection
> Me: Fair enough. I wanted to give it another shot. But yea there wasn't that tension/connection/whatever you want to call it.


Question: how did you meet this girl, did you approach or was it a dating site?


----------



## phoenixwright

Sourdog said:


> Question: how did you meet this girl, did you approach or was it a dating site?


dating site


----------



## Sourdog

phoenixwright said:


> dating site


 Ah ok, was just curious.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> She declined my third date invitation. I feel like I was right to trust my gut instinct on this one. She wasn't giving me any sort of vibes beyond the platonic. Those were friend smiles, those were friend hugs. Why would I go for the kiss when the spark isn't there?
> 
> Me: I'm just going to relax. I deserve it. lol. Hey would you like to do a Netflix/DVD movie type thing at your place? You said you had a big tv.
> Her: I've had a good time on our previous dates, but unfortunately I don't really see this going anywhere.
> Me: After that second date I figured you might have thought I was being passive for no going for a kiss after two dates. I didn't feel the necessary tension/mood/whatever was there to go for it. I had fun and think you're pretty but I didn't want to force anything.
> Her: That's not it. You didn't do anything wrong I just don't feel a connection
> Me: Fair enough. I wanted to give it another shot. But yea there wasn't that tension/connection/whatever you want to call it.


I've had that happen to me before. The girl actually gave me a chance though, but I also sincerely didn't feel a connection with her either. I remember watching movies with her and was wishing she was more communicative. I wasn't as confident as I am today. I was also nervous about moving things forward at the time. Another one said I wasn't physical enough one time because I didn't hug or kiss her. I've had less than attractive girls dump me too in the past, and they are the ones who approached me! It happens.

I think what is more important is how you move on from here. Do you continue to like yourself and stay optimistic and excited about the future or do you belittle yourself for this and lose hope? I've been pretty harsh on myself these last two days; I go through phases like that. We need support and understanding as well as a realistic viewpoint of our expectations.

Given you had a date with this girl is good because you were attracted to her but there was no chemistry. This is great news in a way because it proves that you can find someone you are attracted to and date them! Some people you have chemistry with and some you don't, that's just how it goes sometimes. So, if you want to keep dating, why not make it happen again? Obviously, you've got what it takes.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> I've had that happen to me before. The girl actually gave me a chance though, but I also sincerely didn't feel a connection with her either. I remember watching movies with her and was wishing she was more communicative. I wasn't as confident as I am today. I was also nervous about moving things forward at the time. Another one said I wasn't physical enough one time because I didn't hug or kiss her. I've had less than attractive girls dump me too in the past, and they are the ones who approached me! It happens.
> 
> I think what is more important is how you move on from here. Do you continue to like yourself and stay optimistic and excited about the future or do you belittle yourself for this and lose hope? I've been pretty harsh on myself these last two days; I go through phases like that. We need support and understanding as well as a realistic viewpoint of our expectations.
> 
> Given you had a date with this girl is good because you were attracted to her but there was no chemistry. This is great news in a way because it proves that you can find someone you are attracted to and date them! Some people you have chemistry with and some you don't, that's just how it goes sometimes. So, if you want to keep dating, why not make it happen again? Obviously, you've got what it takes.


There is no reason to belittle myself here in this situation. I come out of this unsure as to whether I need to change my approach or if the ones it hasn't worked out with thus far are just not the right ones and I need to keep looking. After all, she's pretty but I didn't feel attraction for her on the level that I have with others. She's not quite my type. My type is: bubbly girl-next-door brunette with eyes and a smile that light up the room. lol. Redheads can work too. I'm usually not into blondes much. I like myself and feel like I have a lot to offer. At the same time, I am aware of the instances where I have low self-esteem and lack confidence. And if there is one thing I do know about this whole confusing dating thing is that I don't want to have a low self-esteem and I want to be confident. Because it just makes my life more stressful. Not necessarily because that's what chicks like or anything. Like when I bought a car, yeah that's a bonus for dating. But I love my car because it makes my life so much easier. Not because it helps in the chick department.

I plan on continuing with the dating thing. I largely feel like it is a waste of my time. But at the same time, would I be much happier if I used my time another way? If I just used that time to play video games, surf the net and watch tv/movies/anime? I think I would be happier for the first little while because I haven't really been playing video games for awhile (I've been so busy socially and I've been doing a lot of introspection lately. Not leaving much time for my solitary hobbies. I should go boot up some Persona 4 tonight, get absorbed into the world of the video game and just get back into an old routine for a little while and relax) and I have a craving to get back into that hobby. And I have other side projects I want to pursue (writing a novel and perhaps making an indie videogame to sell on the App Store/Android Market). But I think I would want more to life than just my interests and hobbies. Because I know what that life is like (being absorbed into my hobbies) and I'd like to see if there's something more out there. There are Aspies out there that manage to form connections. Even if it's much harder for us. So I think it's better to keep trying to see what else is out there than resign myself to a lifestyle I can go back to anytime I want and that I know the end result of. It's not like playing video games takes me to a stage of nirvana. It's just a fun way to spend time. Nothing more. Nothing less.


----------



## Ivan AG

Tyler laying down some knowledge.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> There is no reason to belittle myself here in this situation. I come out of this unsure as to whether I need to change my approach or if the ones it hasn't worked out with thus far are just not the right ones and I need to keep looking. After all, she's pretty but I didn't feel attraction for her on the level that I have with others. She's not quite my type. My type is: bubbly girl-next-door brunette with eyes and a smile that light up the room. lol. Redheads can work too. I'm usually not into blondes much. I like myself and feel like I have a lot to offer. At the same time, I am aware of the instances where I have low self-esteem and lack confidence. And if there is one thing I do know about this whole confusing dating thing is that I don't want to have a low self-esteem and I want to be confident. Because it just makes my life more stressful. Not necessarily because that's what chicks like or anything. Like when I bought a car, yeah that's a bonus for dating. But I love my car because it makes my life so much easier. Not because it helps in the chick department.
> 
> I plan on continuing with the dating thing. I largely feel like it is a waste of my time. But at the same time, would I be much happier if I used my time another way? If I just used that time to play video games, surf the net and watch tv/movies/anime? I think I would be happier for the first little while because I haven't really been playing video games for awhile (I've been so busy socially and I've been doing a lot of introspection lately. Not leaving much time for my solitary hobbies. I should go boot up some Persona 4 tonight, get absorbed into the world of the video game and just get back into an old routine for a little while and relax) and I have a craving to get back into that hobby. And I have other side projects I want to pursue (writing a novel and perhaps making an indie videogame to sell on the App Store/Android Market). But I think I would want more to life than just my interests and hobbies. Because I know what that life is like (being absorbed into my hobbies) and I'd like to see if there's something more out there. There are Aspies out there that manage to form connections. Even if it's much harder for us. So I think it's better to keep trying to see what else is out there than resign myself to a lifestyle I can go back to anytime I want and that I know the end result of. It's not like playing video games takes me to a stage of nirvana. It's just a fun way to spend time. Nothing more. Nothing less.


Sweet. Sounds like you're on top of things.


----------



## srschirm

So I befriended my coworker on facebook and sent her the schedule she asked for. I didn't ask her out or anything in the email. Okay, sounds good right? Well she never thanked me or anything for the schedule/email. So I've written her off.


----------



## jackbruns28

I don't. I don't try and attract women, or at least American women anymore. Not worth the time, effort, etc. I did the online thing for awhile, then just stopped. Too many out there with issues of some kind or are expecting a dude to act a certain way, make a certain amount, look a certain way..........................

Big reason why I'm getting my degree and moving out of the country ASAP.


----------



## lightningstorm

Nothing really. I am giving up on that part of my life. I just realized that I am not good enough for any woman, so why even waste my time looking for a relationship or expect to find one someday. For me that would be living in a dreamworld, and I want the reality and live in a delusional world. So, I am trying to find out my purpose in life and things I can do that can make me happy for the rest of my life I guess overtime I will get over my thoughts of being single and virgin for lifetime.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> Nothing really. I am giving up on that part of my life. I just realized that I am not good enough for any woman, so why even waste my time looking for a relationship or expect to find one someday. For me that would be living in a dreamworld, and I want the reality and live in a delusional world. So, I am trying to find out my purpose in life and things I can do that can make me happy for the rest of my life I guess overtime I will get over my thoughts of being single and virgin for lifetime.


What's wrong with you to think you aren't good enough for a woman?


----------



## bsd3355

Not much I feel like I need to learn. Now I just need to do it w/e I feel I want to.

Btw, I made an excel sheet of all the approaches I'm doing for December. It'll be interesting to see the results


----------



## sean88

Nothing. I honestly hope some girl will fancy me enough to chase me. I need a confident introvert girlfriend.


----------



## Sourdog

Jeese, I blew it again. I was out today and didn't approach any girls. I'm usually really confident at first, but once i'm out there in the moment seeing a beatuful girl my anxiety kicks in and I just can't do it. This is really frustrating!


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Jeese, I blew it again. I was out today and didn't approach any girls. I'm usually really confident at first, but once i'm out there in the moment seeing a beatuful girl my anxiety kicks in and I just can't do it. This is really frustrating!


What exactly is stopping you? The feeling? Do you know what to say or what to do? Give me an example of this instance.


----------



## LeftyFretz

Nada. Enjoying the freedom. Did get back in touch with a girl I dated like half a year ago. Short text convo. Gonna call in a few days to hang out. I don't even know her status right now.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> What exactly is stopping you? The feeling? Do you know what to say or what to do? Give me an example of this instance.


 Well before going out I'm really confident, thinking that I know what to say when I approach and I think that I'll have little anxiety. But once I go out and I see a girl thats cute, my heart races and my anxiety kicks in. Once i'm in that moment i cannot push myself to approach.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> What's wrong with you to think you aren't good enough for a woman?


90% would be my looks and 10% would be my lack of social experience. Women these days want a guy like Don Draper, if you know who that is, and I am an ugly looking guy. On top of that, I had been lonely, with no real friends most of my life. I can hold a conversation with girls, but that can make me good enough to be their friends, but to consider me as her romantic interest, that would be a no no from her side.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> Not much I feel like I need to learn. Now I just need to do it w/e I feel I want to.
> 
> Btw, I made an excel sheet of all the approaches I'm doing for December. It'll be interesting to see the results


You do cold approaching? Where? At a bar or club?


----------



## lightningstorm

sean88 said:


> Nothing. I honestly hope some girl will fancy me enough to chase me. I need a confident introvert girlfriend.


I hoped the same thing too in high school, and it get me anywhere. All I got was pathetic and groundless hopes, which turned into misery.


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> 90% would be my looks and 10% would be my lack of social experience. *Women these days want a guy like Don Draper*, if you know who that is, and I am an ugly looking guy. On top of that, I had been lonely, with no real friends most of my life. I can hold a conversation with girls, but that can make me good enough to be their friends, but to consider me as her romantic interest, that would be a no no from her side.


lol We do?

If you say stuff like that to yourself you'll get nowhere. We don't want someone like Don Draper, cause Don Draper doesn't even exist.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Sourdog said:


> Jeese, I blew it again. I was out today and didn't approach any girls. I'm usually really confident at first, but once i'm out there in the moment seeing a beatuful girl my anxiety kicks in and I just can't do it. This is really frustrating!


I'm right there with you, Sourdog. The feeling afterwards is so horrible, but I think it's actually pushing me to the edge. Sink or swim time I guess.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Well before going out I'm really confident, thinking that I know what to say when I approach and I think that I'll have little anxiety. But once I go out and I see a girl thats cute, my heart races and my anxiety kicks in. Once i'm in that moment i cannot push myself to approach.


Maybe what you need is a game plan (i.e. how to approach, what to say given certain circumstances)? While anxiety is a problem, if you have a game plan in mind it will give you confidence to approach because you will be better prepared and you will ready yourself for the instant you feel the fear. Do you have a game plan in mind?


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> lol We do?
> If you say stuff like that to yourself you'll get nowhere. We don't want someone like Don Draper, cause Don Draper doesn't even exist.


I see, forget about Don Draper, lets say Ryan Gosling, Leo DeCaprio, Hugh Jackman, George Clooney and every girls heartthrob Brad Pitt. What about them? Every girl want to be with them. And I can't help myself other than saying that I am ugly, because I look at myself in the mirror and thats all I see.

And whats gonna happen to me? I am 21, virgin, and never kissed a girl. People of my age, both guys and girls already have had "at least" one relationship. And in a couple of years, my health will start to decline, I will start going bald and then I will be another guy whom people dont even want to look at when they pass by.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> 90% would be my looks and 10% would be my lack of social experience. Women these days want a guy like Don Draper, if you know who that is, and I am an ugly looking guy. On top of that, I had been lonely, with no real friends most of my life. I can hold a conversation with girls, but that can make me good enough to be their friends, but to consider me as her romantic interest, that would be a no no from her side.


How many girls have you approached/talked to and what was the overall outcome? Are you showing them that you are interested in them by asking them out, going for the number, flirting, etc?


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> I see, forget about Don Draper, lets say Ryan Gosling, Leo DeCaprio, Hugh Jackman, George Clooney and every girls heartthrob Brad Pitt. What about them? Every girl want to be with them. And I can't help myself other than saying that I am ugly, because I look at myself in the mirror and thats all I see.
> 
> And whats gonna happen to me? I am 21, virgin, and never kissed a girl. People of my age, both guys and girls already have had "at least" one relationship. And in a couple of years, my health will start to decline, I will start going bald and then I will be another guy whom people dont even want to look at when they pass by.


Damn bro, you're old as ****. You're right, there is no hope for you :rofl

I didn't get a real true girlfriend til I was 26. Granted, I did horribly date here and there very briefly and I lost my virginity pretty young, but I didn't have my **** together til just recently actually. All my past experiences were failures in my mind because I was ruled by fear and never was were I wanted to be; never happy dating and also getting dumped, frustrated, lonely, depressed, etc.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> You do cold approaching? Where? At a bar or club?


I've approached just about everywhere (stores, colleges, bars, clubs, streets, etc.)


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> I see, forget about Don Draper, lets say Ryan Gosling, Leo DeCaprio, Hugh Jackman, George Clooney and every girls heartthrob Brad Pitt. What about them? Every girl want to be with them. And I can't help myself other than saying that I am ugly, because I look at myself in the mirror and thats all I see.
> 
> And whats gonna happen to me? I am 21, virgin, and never kissed a girl. People of my age, both guys and girls already have had "at least" one relationship. And in a couple of years, my health will start to decline, I will start going bald and then I will be another guy whom people dont even want to look at when they pass by.


That's an ideal. It doesn't mean that every single girl on the planet refuses to date anybody less attractive than Ryan Gosling. I don't look like Amber Heard, but it's not like "Woe is me no man will ever date me because every man wants a 10" It's an excuse and a form of self-pity. I'm very guilty of it too, but I can still recognize that it's irrational thinking and a way for me to remain stagnant without feeling guilty. That's all it is, pushing the blame off yourself by saying women only want Ryan Gosling.

There's a lot of guys on here who were in the same place you were, like the person who started this thread, if you want to read the original post to read his story. But you just gotta stop using the excuses and start moving forward. Do you only want to sleep with Jessica Alba? No, just like not every girl is holding out for Ryan Gosling.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> How many girls have you approached/talked to and what was the overall outcome? Are you showing them that you are interested in them by asking them out, going for the number, flirting, etc?


You don't understand I fall below average in terms of looks. Once I tried talking to a group of girls at a club, they told me to go away in my face. I did cold approachings to 4 girls on the street, and got 4 numbers. Later when I called them, and flirted over text, they just completely shut off. Next, I showed interest to two girls in my class and they told me they have bfs and are very happy in their relationship.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> Damn bro, you're old as ****. You're right, there is no hope for you.


I know. All I can see now for my future, is 6 feet under the ground.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> You don't understand I fall below average in terms of looks. Once I tried talking to a group of girls at a club, they told me to go away in my face. I did cold approachings to 4 girls on the street, and got 4 numbers. Later when I called them, and flirted over text, they just completely shut off. Next, I showed interest to two girls in my class and they told me they have bfs and are very happy in their relationship.


I approached 8 girls so far this week and they all rejected me, but last weekend I had a date with someone, and two weeks before I broke it off with a girl I went on a date with who I briefly dated; two weeks before that, same thing. Between those dates were at least triple the amount of rejections you've explained to me above. Rejection is part of it.

To date, I have 100+ real life rejections and probably 1,000 online rejections. Unfortunately, I wasted years online and never found anyone I actually really liked. I just recently started doing lots of approaches in real life and things have improved dramatically.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe what you need is a game plan (i.e. how to approach, what to say given certain circumstances)? While anxiety is a problem, if you have a game plan in mind it will give you confidence to approach because you will be better prepared and you will ready yourself for the instant you feel the fear. Do you have a game plan in mind?


Hmm, I guess I kinda do. I've been taking a lot of tips from simple pickup where they say it's best to make things clear from the beggining. example:
I walk up to a girl and ask for directions once she agrees, I say " actually I don't need directions I just thought you were cute and I wanted to talk to you." 
Other than doing that, I don't got much of a game plan.


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> That's an ideal. It doesn't mean that every single girl on the planet refuses to date anybody less attractive than Ryan Gosling. I don't look like Amber Heard, but it's not like "Woe is me no man will ever date me because every man wants a 10" It's an excuse and a form of self-pity. I'm very guilty of it too, but I can still recognize that it's irrational thinking and a way for me to remain stagnant without feeling guilty. That's all it is, pushing the blame off yourself by saying women only want Ryan Gosling.
> 
> There's a lot of guys on here who were in the same place you were, like the person who started this thread, if you want to read the original post to read his story. But you just gotta stop using the excuses and start moving forward. Do you only want to sleep with Jessica Alba? No, just like not every girl is holding out for Ryan Gosling.


Well, I get what you are saying, not every girl wants a hot guy. But then what about all other girls I see holding hands of very handsome guys? I used to think that is so high schoolish but no, it happens in real life. And, I am not blaming you or for any woman for being choosy. I am just saying I don't have what it takes for a woman to like me, and its not my fault, its how nature made me. Some guys are good looking and others aren't. But a good looking guy has the option to approach women in a bar/club, outside, and in fact have more opportunities waiting for him. I just happened to fall below average.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Hmm, I guess I kinda do. I've been taking a lot of tips from simple pickup where they say it's best to make things clear from the beggining. example:
> I walk up to a girl and ask for directions once she agrees, I say " actually I don't need directions I just thought you were cute and I wanted to talk to you."
> Other than doing that, I don't got much of a game plan.


You need a game plan. If you don't have a game plan you won't get anywhere. Take some time and think about exactly what you need to do to meet women, everything from approach, to conversation, to closing and asking for the number/date. There are hordes of ideas all over the internet. Don't be lazy.

If you need help with coming up with a game plan or an questions relating to it, ask here and people will help you.


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> Well, I get what you are saying, not every girl wants a hot guy. But then what about all other girls I see holding hands of very handsome guys? I used to think that is so high schoolish but no, it happens in real life. And, I am not blaming you or for any woman for being choosy. I am just saying I don't have what it takes for a woman to like me, and its not my fault, its how nature made me. Some guys are good looking and others aren't. But a good looking guy has the option to approach women in a bar/club, outside, and in fact have more opportunities waiting for him. I just happened to fall below average.


If you have the notion that women are choosy and only like handsome men, then you are going to take special notice of when women are with attractive men because you want to prove this idea to yourself. Do you really see _all_ other girls holding hands with handsome guys? Or do you see a few, and your mind takes those few examples, ignoring all the counter examples, and take them as being fact? 
Are you saying that it's impossible for a guy who's less-than-handsome to find a girl? Because if you look around, you'd see that's so far from the truth that it's not even funny.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> I approached 8 girls so far this week and they all rejected me, but last weekend I had a date with someone, and two weeks before I broke it off with a girl I went on a date with who I briefly dated; two weeks before that, same thing. Between those dates were at least triple the amount of rejections you've explained to me above. Rejection is part of it.
> 
> To date, I have 100+ real life rejections and probably 1,000 online rejections. Unfortunately, I wasted years online and never found anyone I actually really liked. I just recently started doing lots of approaches in real life and things have improved dramatically.


I want to do what you did, but just can't. My looks is the main reason for my low self-esteem to be honest here. Only if that wasn't the case, then I probably would've been doing more than what I did. But how long can you or I be doing cold approaching? Can you do that when you are 50? What if you become single at that time and want a new gf? Where are you gonna get her?


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> If you have the notion that women are choosy and only like handsome men, then you are going to take special notice of when women are with attractive men because you want to prove this idea to yourself. Do you really see _all_ other girls holding hands with handsome guys? Or do you see a few, and your mind takes those few examples, ignoring all the counter examples, and take them as being fact?
> Are you saying that it's impossible for a guy who's less-than-handsome to find a girl? Because if you look around, you'd see that's so far from the truth that it's not even funny.


Right. It's nearly impossible not to find someone unless you have a serious disability or disorder (NOT SA!) or something. The tricky part is finding someone who you are attracted to on certain levels, but even that can come from people you'd least expect sometimes.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> I want to do what you did, but just can't. My looks is the main reason for my low self-esteem to be honest here. Only if that wasn't the case, then I probably would've been doing more than what I did. But how long can you or I be doing cold approaching? Can you do that when you are 50? What if you become single at that time and want a new gf? Where are you gonna get her?


It _may_ be harder when you're 50, but of course you can still meet people at the age, which is even more of a reason you better start practicing now so if you find yourself in that position you'll know what to do and won't feel helpless like you do today. If you don't have the positivity or belief you can meet people then you won't go meet people. People who have experience with dating, and whom know how to meet people effectively, will be those who will strive in their dating lives young or old in my opinion. Heck, I had a great chance to meet people when I was younger but because I had the beliefs you do I NEVER did, but now i'm older and I think differently and I'm meeting people. Wow, isn't that ironic?


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> If you have the notion that women are choosy and only like handsome men, then you are going to take special notice of when women are with attractive men because you want to prove this idea to yourself. Do you really see _all_ other girls holding hands with handsome guys? Or do you see a few, and your mind takes those few examples, ignoring all the counter examples, and take them as being fact?
> Are you saying that it's impossible for a guy who's less-than-handsome to find a girl? Because if you look around, you'd see that's so far from the truth that it's not even funny.


Its not "impossible" for a guy falling slightly below handsome to get a girl. I may have only seen a few couples where men are really handsome or are even average looking, but here is the thing even though they are average looking, they look better than me. Maybe to you even if some guy looks slightly unattractive, to me he will look really good, cuz I dont look as good as he does.


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> Its not "impossible" for a guy falling slightly below handsome to get a girl. I may have only seen a few couples where men are really handsome or are even average looking, but here is the thing even though they are average looking, they look better than me. Maybe to you even if some guy looks slightly unattractive, to me he will look really good, cuz I dont look as good as he does.


It just sounds like you have a really low self esteem. How do you feel about your personality or what you have to offer, beyond looks?

(I hope I don't sound like I'm berating or like badgering you, btw lol I don't mean to)


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> It _may_ be harder when you're 50, but of course you can still meet people at the age, which is even more of a reason you better start practicing now so if you find yourself in that position you'll know what to do and won't feel helpless like you do today. If you don't have the positivity or belief you can meet people then you won't go meet people. People who have experience with dating, and whom know how to meet people effectively, will be those who will strive in their dating lives young or old in my opinion. Heck, I had a great chance to meet people when I was younger but because I had the beliefs you do I NEVER did, but now i'm older and I think differently and I'm meeting people. Wow, isn't that ironic?


So, what other options do you have besides cold approaching? For some reason this cold approaching makes me a little uncomfortable. It makes me feel like a homeless guy looking for money to buy himself a beer.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> So, what other options do you have besides cold approaching? For some reason this cold approaching makes me a little uncomfortable. It makes me feel like a homeless guy looking for money to buy himself a beer.


It's only weird if you think it's weird. Essentially, it's what men have been doing since the dawn of time probably. We may have been approaching within a small group when we were less advanced, but times have changed and more opportunities are present now. Instead of approaching within a small group, we can meet people beyond that.

Cold-approaching is weird when you act like you aren't interested when in fact you are. There should be nothing wrong with showing attraction towards someone you just met randomly in my opinion. A lot of people aren't ready for that understandably, which is why you need to practice social skills and be cordial.

Other ways are online (god forbid), through friends or family....... uhhhh.... other than that, cold-approaching is the other_* 90-****ing-percent*_!!!!


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> It just sounds like you have a really low self esteem. How do you feel about your personality or what you have to offer, beyond looks?
> 
> (I hope I don't sound like I'm berating or like badgering you, btw lol I don't mean to)


I got a few things to offer beyond looks. I will make sure to charge in a relationship, cuz thats my role. I am decisive. I want to care for the woman I am with. I want to take the responsibility whatever it may be, in a relationship. I would listen to her and what she says. I want to understand her feelings and concerns. There are several other things I want to do, to make it a good relationship, but these are all I can think of now, cuz I don't have any prior experience.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> It's only weird if you think it's weird. Essentially, it's what men have been doing since the dawn of time probably. We may have been approaching within a small group when we were less advanced, but times have changed and more opportunities are present now. Instead of approaching within a small group, we can meet people beyond that.
> 
> Cold-approaching is weird when you act like you aren't interested when in fact you are. There should be nothing wrong with showing attraction towards someone you just met randomly in my opinion. A lot of people aren't ready for that understandably, which is why you need to practice social skills and be cordial.
> 
> Other ways are online (god forbid), through friends or family....... uhhhh.... other than that, cold-approaching is the other_* 90-****ing-percent*_!!!!


"Cold"-approaching means you approach someone without the other person knowing beforehand you were going to approach, so this goes for literally anywhere (bars, clubs, stores, schools, churches, etc.,etc.)

"Warm"-approaching is when there is an expectation or inviation that perpetuates an approach or date, etc. For example, when a girl flirts with you by giving you "signs", this is a warm-approach because it's an invitation, unlike a cold-approach which has no invitation. Another example of a warm-approach is something like when a blind date is set up via a friend or something, or when there is an expectation the couple will meet up.

Cold-approaching isn't running around the streets talking to whomever like a homeless person (although it can be). Cold-approaching is simply approaching someone when they don't give an invitation or when they don't expect or are prepared for you to talk to them. This can happen anywhere under any circumstance, and it can be done just as socially adeptly as anything else. You just need not suck at social skills.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> cold-approaching is the other_* 90-****ing-percent*_!!!!


Ahh, wish you just didnt say that. So, you are telling me to go and approach girls on the street as much as possible "just" so that I can get a gf? What about people who meet just randomly? They don't do cold approaching. All those 4 girls I stopped on the street, they got a little shocked, even when I did it during the day. That is so ironic, bc I was like you got scared of me? I am like the least threatening person you can come across in your lifetime.


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> Cold-approaching isn't running around the streets talking to whomever like a homeless person (although it can be). Cold-approaching is simply approaching someone when they don't give an invitation or when they don't expect or are prepared for you to talk to them. This can happen anywhere under any circumstance, and it can be done just a socially adeptly as anything else. You just need not suck at social skills.


So what do you suggest I do when I see a girl at a bookstore browsing through a book? How do I approach her?


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> So what do you suggest I do when I see a girl at a bookstore browsing through a book? How do I approach her?


There are lots of ways you can approach her given this circumstance...

Indirectly:
"Excuse me, do you have any recommendations for any good books to read?"

Directly:
"Excuse me, this is going to sound completely random, but I just saw you and I thought you looked pretty and I just wanted to say hello"

After the opener you can go straight into conversation and later go for a number or a date invitation.

Notice, this is a "cold-approach", but a less technical name is simply an approach. This is not a "warm-approach"....


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> Ahh, wish you just didnt say that. So, you are telling me to go and approach girls on the street as much as possible "just" so that I can get a gf? What about people who meet just randomly? They don't do cold approaching. All those 4 girls I stopped on the street, they got a little shocked, even when I did it during the day. That is so ironic, bc I was like you got scared of me? I am like the least threatening person you can come across in your lifetime.


I don't think you understand the definition of a "cold-approach". You put a stigmatized label to it like everyone else does. Just call it an approach. Once again, there is no need to stop women on the street if you don't want to. And you probably are freaking them out because you're nervous and being weird, not how you talked to them on the street.

Um, hello, meeting randomly, as you say, _is_ cold-approaching unless an invitation or preconception is given by the girl


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> There are lots of ways you can approach her given this circumstance...
> 
> Indirectly:
> "Excuse me, do you have any recommendations for any good books to read?"
> 
> Directly:
> "Excuse me, this is going to sound completely random, but I just saw you and I thought you looked pretty and I just wanted to say hello"
> 
> After the opener you can go straight into conversation and later go for a number or a date invitation.
> 
> Notice, this is a "cold-approach", but a less technical name is simply an approach. This is not a "warm-approach"....


Not bad, I did the direct one before. Then it started to scare me so much that I stopped doing it. The reason is my looks again. Most of the time, her head would be way above mine.


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> Not bad, I did the direct one before. Then it started to scare me so much that I stopped doing it. The reason is my looks again. Most of the time, her head would be way above mine.


Which is why you practice approaching so her head can someday be _below_ yours? 

Or how about, _blow_ yours? ;/

JK!!!!! hahahahahahhahahahahahaha


----------



## Barette

^LOL Nice, nice.


----------



## rymo

Bahhahahahaha


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> I got a few things to offer beyond looks. I will make sure to charge in a relationship, cuz thats my role. I am decisive. I want to care for the woman I am with. I want to take the responsibility whatever it may be, in a relationship. I would listen to her and what she says. I want to understand her feelings and concerns. There are several other things I want to do, to make it a good relationship, but these are all I can think of now, cuz I don't have any prior experience.


Well if you have more to offer than looks then why bemoan the lack of them. I know that sounds simple, but ultimately it's personality and charisma that gets people interested. If you have those or can improve them, then you'll undoubtedly get somewhere. It's hard, but possible. But you can't ever do that if you keep thinking your looks will hold you back (which I'm sure aren't what you say they are).


----------



## komorikun

jackbruns28 said:


> I don't. I don't try and attract women, or at least American women anymore. Not worth the time, effort, etc. I did the online thing for awhile, then just stopped. Too many out there with issues of some kind or are expecting a dude to act a certain way, make a certain amount, look a certain way..........................
> 
> Big reason why I'm getting my degree and moving out of the country ASAP.


Half the women in the bay area are from another country anyways. There are tons of women from China and the Philippines. I don't see why you would have to leave the country. What country are you considering?


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> Which is why you practice approaching so her head can someday be _below_ yours?
> 
> Or how about, _blow_ yours? ;/
> 
> JK!!!!! hahahahahahhahahahahahaha


You don't understand, when I said I lack in terms of my looks, I meant most women I come across are taller than me, and it feels a little uncomfortable to approach them.


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> Well if you have more to offer than looks then why bemoan the lack of them. I know that sounds simple, but ultimately it's personality and charisma that gets people interested. If you have those or can improve them, then you'll undoubtedly get somewhere. It's hard, but possible. But you can't ever do that if you keep thinking your looks will hold you back (which I'm sure aren't what you say they are).


Right now I am working on my social intelligence, my masculinity and my knowledge of female psychology. Well, one day I believe I will be able to improve myself and be better off than I am now, but my looks will stay the same. I mean would you place yourself dating a guy where you find yourself taller than him? The answer would most likely be: no.


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> Right now I am working on my social intelligence, my masculinity and my knowledge of female psychology. Well, one day I believe I will be able to improve myself and be better off than I am now, but my looks will stay the same. I mean would you place yourself dating a guy where you find yourself taller than him? The answer would most likely be: no.


Sure I would. I'm 5'10", so I'd absolutely date someone shorter than me. Danny DeVito is 4'10" and still was married, and it wasn't for money either, so it won't be impossible for you. But I'm seriously badgering you here, lol, so I'll stop.


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> Sure I would. I'm 5'10", so I'd absolutely date someone shorter than me. Danny DeVito is 4'10" and still was married, and it wasn't for money either, so it won't be impossible for you. But I'm seriously badgering you here, lol, so I'll stop.


No, its ok. You aren't badgering me at all. In fact, I wish some girl did that to me in real life. LOL. Actually once I had a female friend in college, she was 5'11 and I am 5'3, and we used to hang out together. Once she told me that her friends told her, that we look funny walking together. She was pretty, was into hot guys, and I wasn't attracted to her or anything. People told her when did you get your 14 year old brother. W/E, I don't want to get into that. But, you would proabably consider dating someone who is 5'9 or 5'8, but maybe not someone like my height. Some girls care about their social status, like if my boyfriend is shorter than me, then what would my friends think, and I totally get that. Lot of the things I am afraid of might not necessaririily be true, but its SO HARD for me to believe cuz I have 0 experience in women and dating.


----------



## komorikun

How short are we talking about? I think 5'6 and above won't be a problem. Below that you will have more difficulty dating. 

Nevermind. You answered.


----------



## Barette

evgtrees said:


> No, its ok. You aren't badgering me at all. In fact, I wish some girl did that to me in real life. LOL. Actually once I had a female friend in college, she was 5'11 and I am 5'3, and we used to hang out together. Once she told me that her friends told her, that we look funny walking together. She was pretty, was into hot guys, and I wasn't attracted to her or anything. People told her when did you get your 14 year old brother. W/E, I don't want to get into that. But, you would proabably consider dating someone who is 5'9 or 5'8, but maybe not someone like my height. Some girls care about their social status, like if my boyfriend is shorter than me, then what would my friends think, and I totally get that. Lot of the things I am afraid of might not necessaririily be true, but its SO HARD for me to believe cuz I have 0 experience in women and dating.


I've seen guys your height with girlfriends, I'll acknowledge that it's harder at your height, but I've definitely seen guys shorter than 5'5" dating. My Uncle's probably 5'5" and he's been married twice. It does suck cause height is a huge issue in dating, and I'll admit it's probably a bigger issue for guys than girls, so you do have more work cut out but you seem nice and I definitely think it's more than possible for you to find someone.


----------



## lightningstorm

Barette said:


> I've seen guys your height with girlfriends, I'll acknowledge that it's harder at your height, but I've definitely seen guys shorter than 5'5" dating. My Uncle's probably 5'5" and he's been married twice. It does suck cause height is a huge issue in dating, and I'll admit it's probably a bigger issue for guys than girls, so you do have more work cut out but you seem nice and I definitely think it's more than possible for you to find someone.


Aha! the truth comes out now. Its ok, some guys got it and some don't, and I just happened to be in the latter group.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

i think i might have just given up


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> No, its ok. You aren't badgering me at all. In fact, I wish some girl did that to me in real life. LOL. Actually once I had a female friend in college, she was 5'11 and I am 5'3, and we used to hang out together. Once she told me that her friends told her, that we look funny walking together. She was pretty, was into hot guys, and I wasn't attracted to her or anything. People told her when did you get your 14 year old brother. W/E, I don't want to get into that. But, you would proabably consider dating someone who is 5'9 or 5'8, but maybe not someone like my height. Some girls care about their social status, like if my boyfriend is shorter than me, then what would my friends think, and I totally get that. Lot of the things I am afraid of might not necessaririily be true, but its SO HARD for me to believe cuz I have 0 experience in women and dating.


One reason I do a lot of approaches, besides other reasons, is because I am slowly but surely proving things to myself. The reason why it has taken me so long to "prove" things to myself is because of my fears and my insecurities in the past. I have personal things I want to prove to myself because once shown to me I'll know better my capabilities, my limits as well as grow in confidence. A lot of these things are related to my age, looks, personality, etc. How can you know for certain something is true unless you've given yourself enough opportunities to prove it to yourself?

I hate to bring online dating into this, but the reason I think online dating is bad for men is because it is probably the single most competitive arena to meet women by a large majority in my opinion. How do I know this? I've proved it to myself. Not only because I spent years online, but because I've approached a lot in real life to know the difference. I'm not saying it doesn't work for some though, but it ain't my thing and I see it as **** personally.

5'3 is short, no doubt, but the only thing I'd encourage you to do is PROVE to yourself over MANY approaches and interactions with women whether you're right or wrong. There is a "skill" involved in meeting women, and it's not manipulation or tricks or w/e--the "skill" is confidence, which takes years for some of us, learning indifference to rejection and staying positive and progressive, etc. Everything skill-wise related to meeting women is mostly internal **** you need to deal with and overcome; same thing goes for women meeting men.

If you approached 100 women at least somewhat normally and you still haven't met someone to date or w/e then you can complain, but until then you are dealing with things they may be BEYOND your looks and unrelated to them (i.e. something with the girl, or you're attitude, vibe, etc.). If you feel somewhat confident and normal approaching girls then you can chalk up more reasons toward your looks for rejection, BUT you have only approached like 6-8 girls in your life? If that's it then you have no reason to assume 5'3 is what is going to make you single all your life.

This is what you do: approach a **** ton of girls and try to date them. When you've done 100 or more approaches then you come back and tell us what is wrong, but until then you have no "proof" that your looks will succumb you to perpetual bachelorhood. Rejection happens to everyone, and some more than others but so what? If you have to get rejected 20 times in a row before you meet someone who likes you, so what? Unfortunately, online you can literally send out 100 emails without a single date, which is why I say **** that ****. Go approach women in real life.


----------



## pete24

A possible chance today, probably wont bother trying to pull though.

Going to this pub which is usually quite busy with women on a Saturday. Looking ok (not my best though  ). May see if I get any smiles and women approaching me


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm contemplating taking an acting class


----------



## pete24

as expected nothing.... few stares at bar girls arses, not a smile off anyone, was happy to get home and blow my pulling (well pub) budget for the next 2 weeks on slots...


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> as expected nothing.... few stares at bar girls arses, not a smile off anyone, was happy to get home and blow my pulling (well pub) budget for the next 2 weeks on slots...


Jeesh you have to get out of this vicious circle have u thought about going back to school?


----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> This is what you do: approach a **** ton of girls and try to date them. When you've done 100 or more approaches then you come back and tell us what is wrong, but until then you have no "proof" that your looks will succumb you to perpetual bachelorhood. Rejection happens to everyone, and some more than others but so what? If you have to get rejected 20 times in a row before you meet someone who likes you, so what? Unfortunately, online you can literally send out 100 emails without a single date, which is why I say **** that ****. Go approach women in real life.


Fine I will do that. But, every time I approach a woman, in my head I get the image of Snow White and 7 dwarfs, and that brings me down so much. My mind starts to back down and a bucketful of doubts starts to rise. What do I do?


----------



## bsd3355

evgtrees said:


> Fine I will do that. But, every time I approach a woman, in my head I get the image of Snow White and 7 dwarfs, and that brings me down so much. My mind starts to back down and a bucketful of doubts starts to rise. What do I do?


There really is nothing else you can do but keep approaching and meeting girls. Set small goals: "this week I'm going to approach 'X' amount of girls". Take it one step at a time; keep a journal if need be; write your reports here or on a personal log of your own (I do). Maybe you can set a larger goal later to aim for, like, "Approach 50 girl mark". The reason why you want to aim high on approaches is because you want to prove to yourself what you're capable of. You may be surprised by the results. However, expect rejection because everyone gets rejected.

Simplepickup talks about rejection:

__
https://soundcloud.com/bkw11%2Frejection


----------



## Anatomica

Barette said:


> I've seen guys your height with girlfriends, I'll acknowledge that it's harder at your height, but I've definitely seen guys shorter than 5'5" dating. My Uncle's probably 5'5" and he's been married twice. It does suck cause height is a huge issue in dating, and I'll admit it's probably a bigger issue for guys than girls, so you do have more work cut out but you seem nice and I definitely think it's more than possible for you to find someone.


 Just to add to this, a friend of mine is 4'11, BUT he's such a fun, confident,personable guy that he was able to get a gf that's absolutely gorgeous. So the lack of height can be made up with improving things about yourself that can be changed such as confidence level, and social skills.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Jeesh you have to get out of this vicious circle have u thought about going back to school?


school? im not a teen 

I know what you mean though...college.... Nup... all young kids there.

Way im seeing it now. I have loads to offer when it comes to a relationship. If no women can be bothered with approaching me... then ill enjoy all I got by myself.

Looking at having £1000 in cash handed to me, done some big deals with places to work, I'm good looking, got a head for the future, have good ideas. My life is complete where I dont and wont want to better myself.

With morbid talk... when family pass in a few years time I get a £500,000 house all for myself, so am future proofed.... (Rather them be alive of course).

Its come to that point, not what I have to offer someone, but what they have to offer me. If they believe they have enough to even fraction what I could offer them, then they can do the chasing work ..... n if they dont.... I dont mind... If I wanted I could find a FWB in the snap of a finger, pop out n guarantee some fun for 1 night etc


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> school? im not a teen
> 
> I know what you mean though...college.... Nup... all young kids there.
> 
> Way im seeing it now. I have loads to offer when it comes to a relationship. If no women can be bothered with approaching me... then ill enjoy all I got by myself.
> 
> Looking at having £1000 in cash handed to me, done some big deals with places to work, I'm good looking, got a head for the future, have good ideas. My life is complete where I dont and wont want to better myself.
> 
> With morbid talk... when family pass in a few years time I get a £500,000 house all for myself, so am future proofed.... (Rather them be alive of course).
> 
> Its come to that point, not what I have to offer someone, but what they have to offer me. If they believe they have enough to even fraction what I could offer them, then they can do the chasing work ..... n if they dont.... I dont mind... If I wanted I could find a FWB in the snap of a finger, pop out n guarantee some fun for 1 night etc


No offense dude, but it honestly doesn't seem like you can find a FWB that easily like you say from reading your posts. Good luck with pretty girls approaching you. That may be far and in between. Why not just take charge yourself?


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> No offense dude, but it honestly doesn't seem like you can find a FWB that easily like you say from reading your posts. Good luck with pretty girls approaching you. That may be far and in between. Why not just take charge yourself?


FWB = Had 1 from august this year til mid september, also 2 women have asked that since... I refused... As 1 said earlier tho with a girl I know...

"ive built up trust with u i dont wanna be sleeping with just any1, we can have friends with benefits?"

2 days ago (girl who has bf pfft):

"I had a dream last night, me n u were naked in a bed, it felt really wrong waking up next to my bf n dunno y im tellin you this"

I wont now cause, theres too many usless b!tch women in the world... why dont they take charge? If i was that awesome or good in their eyes they why not make the 1st move? Then I will know the potentially are serious


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> FWB = Had 1 from august this year til mid september, also 2 women have asked that since... I refused... As 1 said earlier tho with a girl I know...
> 
> "ive built up trust with u i dont wanna be sleeping with just any1, we can have friends with benefits?"
> 
> 2 days ago (girl who has bf pfft):
> 
> "I had a dream last night, me n u were naked in a bed, it felt really wrong waking up next to my bf n dunno y im tellin you this"
> 
> I wont now cause, theres too many usless b!tch women in the world... why dont they take charge? If i was that awesome or good in their eyes they why not make the 1st move? Then I will know the potentially are serious


Just go to school for fun then.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> FWB = Had 1 from august this year til mid september, also 2 women have asked that since... I refused... As 1 said earlier tho with a girl I know...
> 
> "ive built up trust with u i dont wanna be sleeping with just any1, we can have friends with benefits?"
> 
> 2 days ago (girl who has bf pfft):
> 
> "I had a dream last night, me n u were naked in a bed, it felt really wrong waking up next to my bf n dunno y im tellin you this"
> 
> I wont now cause, theres too many usless b!tch women in the world... why dont they take charge? If i was that awesome or good in their eyes they why not make the 1st move? Then I will know the potentially are serious


Where did you meet these women you are talking about? Online?


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## lightningstorm

bwidger85 said:


> There really is nothing else you can do but keep approaching and meeting girls. Set small goals: "this week I'm going to approach 'X' amount of girls". Take it one step at a time; keep a journal if need be; write your reports here or on a personal log of your own (I do). Maybe you can set a larger goal later to aim for, like, "Approach 50 girl mark". The reason why you want to aim high on approaches is because you want to prove to yourself what you're capable of. You may be surprised by the results. However, expect rejection because everyone gets rejected.
> 
> Simplepickup talks about rejection:
> 
> __
> https://soundcloud.com/bkw11%2Frejection


That's not a bad idea. I am not worried about rejection. I got rejected all my life. The only thing that bothers me is my body image, and honestly speaking, I had been depressed about this for last 3 years. I just don't see anything right with the picture of me with a girl who looks better than me. All of my life, I envisioned couples to be beautiful girls with handsome guys. I don't feel adequate enough, to be with her. The image of the ugly me with a girl seems so wrong; to me it feels like I don't deserve her.


----------



## lightningstorm

Anatomica said:


> Just to add to this, a friend of mine is 4'11, BUT he's such a fun, confident,personable guy that he was able to get a gf that's absolutely gorgeous. So the lack of height can be made up with improving things about yourself that can be changed such as confidence level, and social skills.


Well, good luck to your guy with his gf. But, to me for some reason, I feel I don't deserve her and not good enough for her. I don't know why. I know I can't help myself feeling that way.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I went out tonight, but it didn't go so well. I had three opportunities and bypassed them all. A three set and a pair of two sets. I feel like a failure now and it blows my mind how outcome dependent I am. On the flip side, I did go out with the purpose of approaching girls in the freezing cold rain, so I guess that's progress.


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I went out tonight, but it didn't go so well. I had three opportunities and bypassed them all. A three set and a pair of two sets. I feel like a failure now and it blows my mind how outcome dependent I am. On the flip side, I did go out with the purpose of approaching girls in the freezing cold rain, so I guess that's progress.


Rem member momentum swings the faster you go down the faster u will bounce back up


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Where did you meet these women you are talking about? Online?


Nope not exactly, 1 yes. But we met up a few times as friends. The other was known from an old workmate.


----------



## squall78

Aside from normal conversation with people I've decided to check out a meetup on sarging. It sounds scary but I feel I can talk to pretty much anyone if they are nice enough to be approached without clawing my head off.


----------



## pete24

My worst ever run on POF. Did say I wouldnt message women again on there but had some free time earlier and was bored.

Before the ratio was at least 1 out of every 2 I messaged would reply. Now the ratio has been hit.

In the last 10 days I messaged 18 women. Many being under par who I wouldnt bother with even if they came up to me in the street and tried it on. Only 1 replied :/. This ugly girl I blew off ages ago got in touch again today on POF and I had 1 girl message me first (no offence but genuinely she looked badly disabled)... EDIT: another just replied

The sure bet girl who I had a date planned with the other week (who cancelled saying she was ill) has blown me off. She gets in touch every few days, saying shes been busy etc. I reply, then I dont hear back off her again for another week or so.

I guess on another dating site there has been more luck, 3 women messaging me 1st. 2 are single mums though  and the other isnt too nice.

Actually going to take up this girls offer who started talking to me a month or 2 ago about entering a "friends with benefits" relationship... Even though I told myself id never enter 1 of them again. But at least its some company I suppose


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> My worst ever run on POF. Did say I wouldnt message women again on there but had some free time earlier and was bored.
> 
> Before the ratio was at least 1 out of every 2 I messaged would reply. Now the ratio has been hit.
> 
> In the last 10 days I messaged 18 women. Many being under par who I wouldnt bother with even if they came up to me in the street and tried it on. Only 1 replied :/. This ugly girl I blew off ages ago got in touch again today on POF and I had 1 girl message me first (no offence but genuinely she looked badly disabled)... EDIT: another just replied
> 
> The sure bet girl who I had a date planned with the other week (who cancelled saying she was ill) has blown me off. She gets in touch every few days, saying shes been busy etc. I reply, then I dont hear back off her again for another week or so.
> 
> I guess on another dating site there has been more luck, 3 women messaging me 1st. 2 are single mums though  and the other isnt too nice.
> 
> Actually going to take up this girls offer who started talking to me a month or 2 ago about entering a "friends with benefits" relationship... Even though I told myself id never enter 1 of them again. But at least its some company I suppose


Dude you must be doing something very right on your profile to get 1 in 2.

How tall are you?


----------



## phoenixwright

At this SA meetup I go to, this cute brunette caught my eye. We are both of Portuguese descent. I was determined to go approach her after the meeting. But by the time I put on my jacket, she was already gone. lol. So I actually emailed her on the meetup website and mentioned that I was Portuguese too as a kind of an ice breaker and had a couple exchanges with her. She seems very friendly. In-person, she seemed kinda unfriendly and snobbish. But that's only because she's shy and uncomfortable in group settings and being new. On the site, she mentioned that she's in her 30s (didn't say what age exactly). So she's older than me. But I guess it's possible for a 27 year old guy to have a serious relationship with a woman who is a few years older (I obviously don't know her anywhere close to enough yet to make that call. But a rewarding long-term relationship is the main end goal. And girls who I see as long-term potential are the ones I want to invest most in.)

I need to talk with her 1 on 1 in-person (I'm hoping I get to do that this Friday) to really get a feel for her.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> There really is nothing else you can do but keep approaching and meeting girls. Set small goals: "this week I'm going to approach 'X' amount of girls". Take it one step at a time; keep a journal if need be; write your reports here or on a personal log of your own (I do). Maybe you can set a larger goal later to aim for, like, "Approach 50 girl mark". The reason why you want to aim high on approaches is because you want to prove to yourself what you're capable of. You may be surprised by the results. However, expect rejection because everyone gets rejected.
> 
> Simplepickup talks about rejection:
> 
> __
> https://soundcloud.com/bkw11%2Frejection


Hey bwidger, do you have anymore links to podcasts by simple pickup?


----------



## lightningstorm

Sourdog said:


> Hey bwidger, do you have anymore links to podcasts by simple pickup?


I hate those simple pickup *******s. Want to beat the **** out of them if I ever see them in real life for what they do to girls. 
I suggest you watch jeremy soul from lovesystems and his videos.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> My worst ever run on POF. Did say I wouldnt message women again on there but had some free time earlier and was bored.
> 
> Before the ratio was at least 1 out of every 2 I messaged would reply. Now the ratio has been hit.
> 
> In the last 10 days I messaged 18 women. Many being under par who I wouldnt bother with even if they came up to me in the street and tried it on. Only 1 replied :/. This ugly girl I blew off ages ago got in touch again today on POF and I had 1 girl message me first (no offence but genuinely she looked badly disabled)... EDIT: another just replied
> 
> The sure bet girl who I had a date planned with the other week (who cancelled saying she was ill) has blown me off. She gets in touch every few days, saying shes been busy etc. I reply, then I dont hear back off her again for another week or so.
> 
> I guess on another dating site there has been more luck, 3 women messaging me 1st. 2 are single mums though  and the other isnt too nice.
> 
> Actually going to take up this girls offer who started talking to me a month or 2 ago about entering a "friends with benefits" relationship... Even though I told myself id never enter 1 of them again. But at least its some company I suppose


Maybe the reason girls don't approach you is because they are doing exactly what you are doing and expecting you to approach them. Maybe they say the same things as you: "why don't men have the balls to approach me? oh god, if i'm so desirable then they would approach me. therefore i'm just going to wait til they do". Oh the irony!


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Hey bwidger, do you have anymore links to podcasts by simple pickup?


yes, but i fear evgtrees will stalk them and beat them up so i do not dare


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> At this SA meetup I go to, this cute brunette caught my eye. We are both of Portuguese descent. I was determined to go approach her after the meeting. But by the time I put on my jacket, she was already gone. lol. So I actually emailed her on the meetup website and mentioned that I was Portuguese too as a kind of an ice breaker and had a couple exchanges with her. She seems very friendly. In-person, she seemed kinda unfriendly and snobbish. But that's only because she's shy and uncomfortable in group settings and being new. On the site, she mentioned that she's in her 30s (didn't say what age exactly). So she's older than me. But I guess it's possible for a 27 year old guy to have a serious relationship with a woman who is a few years older (I obviously don't know her anywhere close to enough yet to make that call. But a rewarding long-term relationship is the main end goal. And girls who I see as long-term potential are the ones I want to invest most in.)
> 
> I need to talk with her 1 on 1 in-person (I'm hoping I get to do that this Friday) to really get a feel for her.


Cool man good luck. What's an sa meetup


----------



## lightningstorm

Zeeshan said:


> Cool man good luck. What's an sa meetup


Yes, what is an SA meetup, and I wanna date older women.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Cool man good luck. What's an sa meetup


Social Anxiety meetup. A support group (this would be the second time I had tried to pursue a girl from there. lol No wait third if you count one of the guest speakers). It's not like I am there to pick up women (lol). But yeah relationships have formed in that setting.


----------



## lightningstorm

phoenixwright said:


> Social Anxiety meetup. A support group (this would be the second time I had tried to pursue a girl from there. lol No wait third if you count one of the guest speakers). It's not like I am there to pick up women (lol). But yeah relationships have formed in that setting.


Nice, how do I find one where I live? And do single women go there?


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Well, not a virgin anymore. Did the deed last night (and this morning). It was great fun. Oh, and condoms suck. Also: European girls = win.


----------



## rymo

PaysageDHiver said:


> Well, not a virgin anymore. Did the deed last night (and this morning). It was great fun. Oh, and condoms suck. Also: European girls = win.


Congrats my man!



evgtrees said:


> I hate those simple pickup *******s. Want to beat the **** out of them if I ever see them in real life for what they do to girls.
> I suggest you watch jeremy soul from lovesystems and his videos.


What do they do to girls? Talk to them? Get their numbers? Have sex? Wow...that's so horrible.


----------



## Sourdog

evgtrees said:


> I hate those simple pickup *******s. Want to beat the **** out of them if I ever see them in real life for what they do to girls.
> I suggest you watch jeremy soul from lovesystems and his videos.


Dude you're a wiener, I think you're just jealous that they can pick up girls and you can't. You should give them more credit, they try to help socially inept guys like us get woman. Also wtf do they do to girls?? They take initiative and approach them.


----------



## bsd3355

PaysageDHiver said:


> Well, not a virgin anymore. Did the deed last night (and this morning). It was great fun. Oh, and condoms suck. Also: European girls = win.


lol best post ever


----------



## bsd3355

*Sex as motivation to meet women*

Random stuff:

Sex is probably the greatest motivator for me to meet women now. I almost have a difficult time admitting that because it's like I was put under pressure to NOT say that. Sure, my motivation will change and obviously there is so much more to someone than sex, but when you haven't been in a relationship for a while or have dated much, the motivation is sex for me, at least recently.

Because when I really think about it, something has to get me excited to be motivated, right? So I ask myself what that motivation is for me? Is it stimulating conversation? Naw, not really. Is it sharing my views/experiences? Hm, not when I don't really know the girl that well. So what excites me when I interact with women? It's when I look at a woman and I'm like, "Damn, I'll freakin' tap that so damn hard!" LOL. Seriously. And what's interesting about this is that I think EVERY heterosexual male _SHOULD_ be motivated the same way, because without that instinctual excitement to have sex with women, I honestly don't think most of us wouldn't be as motivated as we are. I literally think if I didn't see a girl and get excited thinking about banging her I wouldn't even care to talk to her, just like how I don't have the motivation to make much friends, or share my experiences with random people. But when I see that girl I'd like to bone, I get that instinctual urge and excitement to become motivated to take action. Without that motivation I would do nothing.

What makes this even more interesting is that when I was younger I was under the assumption this was somehow sexiest or "wrong" and I was NEVER motivated to meet girls! That's probably the reason I didn't try, almost as if I was in denial and resisting my primal motivation, which killed my excitement and urge to meet and date girls. But now I realize that sex is a natural instinctual motivator, I don't say it's wrong and I embrace it and suddenly when I see that girl I am pulled to meet her.

Idk, just some stuff I've been thinking lately, and it all started from, "what motivates me to want to date?" and, "Why aren't I motivated?"....then i see a girl I'd like to have sex with and I get that instinctual urge and motivation just like when you get that urge to create music or dance or the urge to go on vacation--it's a strong urge and it motivates by pure instinct even if I'm in a "blah" mood; I can be in a room for 48 hours and go out to get something to drink at a store and not even be motivated to talk to anyone and then I see an attractive girl and I get that urge and motivation. I'm glad I have that urge now that I know it's normal, and we has men should NOT be ashamed of that! We are supposed to see girls and want to bone them and be motivated by that! Everyone knows it and it's normal. What kind of heterosexual men would we be if we didn't look at a woman lustfully?

As a side note, of course there are other motivators for men beyond sex as to why they want to meet women, but I think sex will always be one of the strongest motivators, and that's normal! I think women are the same way. Obviously when too people start serious dating more than just sex comes into play, but I'm talking about the beginning stages mainly.

People shun men saying, "Men are such pigs"..."all men want is sex"....blah blah blah.... well, DUH! What kind of men would we be if we didn't want to have sex with women and lust after them? How would sexual relationships arise? Literally, we are doing our duty by wanting to have sex with women! Without that motivation everyone would be frustrated. We should not be ashamed of wanting sex! When it comes to being serious with someone then that's cool too, but we shouldn't be shunned as men for wanting sex.

Here's a little experiment...

OK, so you aren't motivated to meet girls? Are you in one of those "blah" moods where you don't feel like doing anything? Tell me what emotions you have after you look at a picture like this:

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTsMagLnaRSw-3jVV6mv1TaR4ARIGDHbblSbOBPH83DIFzSF9aFhbT4ACwC

Are you at the least bit MORE excited now? ****, i am

Guys, we SHOULD be perving over girls!!!


----------



## hypestyle

maybe I'll join a gym.. there are none in my immediate neighborhood; i'd have to do some driving to get there and back.. but I'll be done with school, no commitments on that front anymore, so I'd generally have more time in the evening..


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe the reason girls don't approach you is because they are doing exactly what you are doing and expecting you to approach them. Maybe they say the same things as you: "why don't men have the balls to approach me? oh god, if i'm so desirable then they would approach me. therefore i'm just going to wait til they do". Oh the irony!


It always seems like in society its the guy who has to approach though. Women seem to hardly ever approach.

Approaching for people like myself is hard enough work. It would take a lot of motivation to approach which more often than not end up with being shot down because of being unable to know what to say or how to act.

When it comes to the bonus of doing that.... a possible relationship. I just think the only benefits for me is someone to cuddle up to and having someone to talk to. Thats the only things a relationship could do for me. Whilst I have absolutely loads more to offer so only if they made the effort to begin with would they deserve whats on offer


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Entitlement is a great frame of mind to come from, Pete, but you've got to take the lead with women and you've got to take action because they never will. 

In response to bwidger, I agree that there's nothing wrong with being motivated by our very basic desires. For me though I try not to think of that side of things just because I know it'll affect me in a negative manner. So when I see a women I'm attracted to, rather than being "I wants teh sex" I'm all "She looks cool & interesting". It's probably not the best approach because my thoughts, words and actions aren't aligned (big up Julien), but the situation becomes less daunting.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Entitlement is a great frame of mind to come from, Pete, but you've got to take the lead with women and you've got to take action because they never will.
> 
> In response to bwidger, I agree that there's nothing wrong with being motivated by our very basic desires. For me though I try not to think of that side of things just because I know it'll affect me in a negative manner. So when I see a women I'm attracted to, rather than being "I wants teh sex" I'm all "She looks cool & interesting". It's probably not the best approach because my thoughts, words and actions aren't aligned (big up Julien), but the situation becomes less daunting.


Something I've learned about life is that the more you act on how you really feel the easier things are and the more people accept it. Don't do things out of an ego's sake. Do things because you want to genuinely and people won't even question it, and you'll always feel better. Try to learn to distinguish what it is you really want from what your ego wants. The ego is a social construct usually and not who you really are and therefore if you follow your ego you aren't following what you really want--or you're trying to live up to a societal standard--and it'll cause confusion and frustration a lot.

I'm actually on RSD forums from time to time. The thing I don't like on the RSD forums is everyone has a superiority complex which is all ego-based. You read threads and you can tell they all ooze with "I'm the baddest mofo around, and the funniest, and the sexiest, and I'm such a pimp!" and most of that **** is smoke and mirrors so they can fit into the crowd. Why not just admit what it is you want and go after it being yourself instead of imitating someone else for ego's sake? Granted, the RSD forums may pull a certain ground that is like that naturally, but I think most people on that forum are ego-based, and ego **** is a lot weaker than knowing who you are and being yourself because there is no confusion in being yourself and it's only acting on pure genuineness which is always strength. Haven't you noticed people like to replicate terms or attitudes of those they admire (i.e. "boss", "beasting", "chode" as terms)?


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> It always seems like in society its the guy who has to approach though. Women seem to hardly ever approach.
> 
> Approaching for people like myself is hard enough work. It would take a lot of motivation to approach which more often than not end up with being shot down because of being unable to know what to say or how to act.
> 
> When it comes to the bonus of doing that.... a possible relationship. I just think the only benefits for me is someone to cuddle up to and having someone to talk to. Thats the only things a relationship could do for me. Whilst I have absolutely loads more to offer so only if they made the effort to begin with would they deserve whats on offer


You have to look at it more selfishly. What things can YOU gain by approaching that girl?

-Possible relationship
-Sex
-Exciting dating life; passion
-Confidence
-Companionship

etc.

You have to want it bad enough by selfishly looking at what you can get from it. This is not to say you can't share and cherish, but this is to say you need to want things bad enough.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Random stuff:
> 
> Sex is probably the greatest motivator for me to meet women now. I almost have a difficult time admitting that because it's like I was put under pressure to NOT say that. Sure, my motivation will change and obviously there is so much more to someone than sex, but when you haven't been in a relationship for a while or have dated much, the motivation is sex for me, at least recently.
> 
> Because when I really think about it, something has to get me excited to be motivated, right? So I ask myself what that motivation is for me? Is it stimulating conversation? Naw, not really. Is it sharing my views/experiences? Hm, not when I don't really know the girl that well. So what excites me when I interact with women? It's when I look at a woman and I'm like, "Damn, I'll freakin' tap that so damn hard!" LOL. Seriously. And what's interesting about this is that I think EVERY heterosexual male _SHOULD_ be motivated the same way, because without that instinctual excitement to have sex with women, I honestly don't think most of us wouldn't be as motivated as we are. I literally think if I didn't see a girl and get excited thinking about banging her I wouldn't even care to talk to her, just like how I don't have the motivation to make much friends, or share my experiences with random people. But when I see that girl I'd like to bone, I get that instinctual urge and excitement to become motivated to take action. Without that motivation I would do nothing.
> 
> What makes this even more interesting is that when I was younger I was under the assumption this was somehow sexiest or "wrong" and I was NEVER motivated to meet girls! That's probably the reason I didn't try, almost as if I was in denial and resisting my primal motivation, which killed my excitement and urge to meet and date girls. But now I realize that sex is a natural instinctual motivator, I don't say it's wrong and I embrace it and suddenly when I see that girl I am pulled to meet her.
> 
> Idk, just some stuff I've been thinking lately, and it all started from, "what motivates me to want to date?" and, "Why aren't I motivated?"....then i see a girl I'd like to have sex with and I get that instinctual urge and motivation just like when you get that urge to create music or dance or the urge to go on vacation--it's a strong urge and it motivates by pure instinct even if I'm in a "blah" mood; I can be in a room for 48 hours and go out to get something to drink at a store and not even be motivated to talk to anyone and then I see an attractive girl and I get that urge and motivation. I'm glad I have that urge now that I know it's normal, and we has men should NOT be ashamed of that! We are supposed to see girls and want to bone them and be motivated by that! Everyone knows it and it's normal. What kind of heterosexual men would we be if we didn't look at a woman lustfully?
> 
> As a side note, of course there are other motivators for men beyond sex as to why they want to meet women, but I think sex will always be one of the strongest motivators, and that's normal! I think women are the same way. Obviously when too people start serious dating more than just sex comes into play, but I'm talking about the beginning stages mainly.
> 
> People shun men saying, "Men are such pigs"..."all men want is sex"....blah blah blah.... well, DUH! What kind of men would we be if we didn't want to have sex with women and lust after them? How would sexual relationships arise? Literally, we are doing our duty by wanting to have sex with women! Without that motivation everyone would be frustrated. We should not be ashamed of wanting sex! When it comes to being serious with someone then that's cool too, but we shouldn't be shunned as men for wanting sex.
> 
> Here's a little experiment...
> 
> OK, so you aren't motivated to meet girls? Are you in one of those "blah" moods where you don't feel like doing anything? Tell me what emotions you have after you look at a picture like this:
> 
> http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTsMagLnaRSw-3jVV6mv1TaR4ARIGDHbblSbOBPH83DIFzSF9aFhbT4ACwC
> 
> Are you at the least bit MORE excited now? ****, i am
> 
> Guys, we SHOULD be perving over girls!!!


Am I motivated to approach a girl I think is sexy? Yes.
Am I *mainly* motivated by the thought of sex? No.

Don't get me wrong, if I'm not physically attracted to a girl I don't really try to woo her. But for me having intimacy like holding hands or cuddling or have someone to come home to is more important than just someone to have sex with.

Maybe it's because I've only experienced the cuddling, holding hands part and maybe it will switch after I've experienced sex, but right now it's like that.

Also, that girl you posted isn't my type


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Am I motivated to approach a girl I think is sexy? Yes.
> Am I *mainly* motivated by the thought of sex? No.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, if I'm not physically attracted to a girl I don't really try to woo her. But for me having intimacy like holding hands or cuddling or have someone to come home to is more important than just someone to have sex with.
> 
> Maybe it's because I've only experienced the cuddling, holding hands part and maybe it will switch after I've experienced sex, but right now it's like that.
> 
> Also, that girl you posted isn't my type


Actually, I completely uderstand the connection you talk about holding hand, etc., and wanting that.

You're right, different people want different things at different times. Our wants change and I don't think most people only want one thing when it comes to relationships or dating. I know I don't. I guess that's just how I feel when I want nothing else--I can look at a woman and be motivated by sex alone.

She's not your type!? :shock

I'd hit it 

Do you have a picture of a girl that's your type?


----------



## Ivan AG

I can't imagine approaching from a mindset like that.

That would throw me off completely, thinking about nothing but sex during the whole convo.

I guess I either need to approach more or maybe people just use different mindsets to achieve their goals.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> Actually, I completely uderstand the connection you talk about holding hand, etc., and wanting that.
> 
> You're right, different people want different things at different times. Our wants change and I don't think most people only want one thing when it comes to relationships or dating. I know I don't. I guess that's just how I feel when I want nothing else--I can look at a woman and be motivated by sex alone.
> 
> She's not your type!? :shock
> 
> I'd hit it
> 
> Do you have a picture of a girl that's your type?


I also think we tend to go after what we want in any given moment and so our preferences will change (i.e. liking one girl one day and then years later not feeling any attraction). I also think we are probably guided a lot by chemicals/hormones and those fluctuate a lot, so when we aren't as hormonally induced we want something less sexually-representative, or a woman who signifies a different or less sexual appeal, etc.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> I can't imagine approaching from a mindset like that.
> 
> That would throw me off completely, thinking about nothing but sex during the whole convo.
> 
> I guess I either need to approach more or maybe people just use different mindsets to achieve their goals.


Naw, it's just where you're at. Just of after what you want when you want it. That post was just me expressing **** I guess

I've been motivated to approach for many different reasons


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Naw, it's just where you're at. * Just of after what you want when you want it.* That post was just me expressing **** I guess


How would that work in practical, everyday life?

Say you see some a hot woman on the bus/store/uni, so you just go over and try to get her to sleep with you?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> How would that work in practical, everyday life?
> 
> Say you see some a hot woman on the bus/store/uni, so you just go over and try to get her to sleep with you?


No. I usually go over and start a conversation and then go on a date if she is actually interested in dating. What I usually think when I see a girl I think is attractive and I'd like to approach is, "She's cute. Approach" not "Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex," lol

All I was trying to say is that I get excited when I see a girl i'd probably have sex with. Pretty much I was stating the obvious. I brought that topic up because I haven't been motivated to approach or meet any girls lately and I saw a couple girls at my campus and just from seeing them as sexually attractive I was motivated to tlak to women all the sudden lol. It was weird and I was kind of like, "wow, that's interesting how i just went from 'blah, I don't care' to 'damn, I'm motivated and excited'" and the reason i got excited was because i knew i was sexually attracted to them and that motivated me...idk...

like i said, just random post


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> No. I usually go over and start a conversation and then go on a date if she is actually interested in dating. What I usually think when I see a girl I think is attractive and I'd like to approach is, "She's cute. Approach" not "Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex," lol
> 
> All I was trying to say is that I get excited when I see a girl i'd probably have sex with. Pretty much I was stating the obvious. I brought that topic up because I haven't been motivated to approach or meet any girls lately and I saw a couple girls at my campus and just from seeing them as sexually attractive I was motivated to tlak to women all the sudden lol. It was weird and I was kind of like, "wow, that's interesting how i just went from 'blah, I don't care' to 'damn, I'm motivated and excited'" and the reason i got excited was because i knew i was sexually attracted to them and that motivated me...idk...
> 
> like i said, just random post


It's good that you like what you're doing with your life.

I'm having trouble following this advice and going after what I want because I'm ashamed of myself and the urges that I have. I carry a lot of these feelings around with me and it's the main reason I can't be sexual.

I feel like I'm not meant to be sexual or that I just look like some goofy little nerd while trying to be flirty. Low self-esteem/self worth, you know?


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> It's good that you like what you're doing with your life.
> 
> I'm having trouble following this advice and going after what I want because I'm ashamed of myself and the urges that I have. I carry a lot of these feelings around with me and it's the main reason I can't be sexual.
> 
> I feel like I'm not meant to be sexual or that I just look like some goofy little nerd while trying to be flirty. Low self-esteem/self worth, you know?


Going for what you want is the quickest way to develop that send of self-worth.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> It's good that you like what you're doing with your life.
> 
> I'm having trouble following this advice and going after what I want because I'm ashamed of myself and the urges that I have. I carry a lot of these feelings around with me and it's the main reason I can't be sexual.
> 
> I feel like I'm not meant to be sexual or that I just look like some goofy little nerd while trying to be flirty. Low self-esteem/self worth, you know?


I get that. The times I feel a girl is out my league I approach anyway though. After a while, a rejection is a rejection and a woman is a woman, so it's all the same to me whatever happens. A girl who I think is out my league rejects me it feels the same way as if a girl who I didn't think was out my league rejected me. After a while, it just doesn't matter who the hell rejects me and somehow it manages to not be so personal.

Like I said in another post, I sincerely believe that I can date whom I'm attracted to. It's just sifting through the sand before it happens, so to speak. The day I think I cannot attract someone who I'm attracted to is the day I feel hopeless and rejection matters 50xs more; that's when I truly feel I'm not worthy. So it's kind of like thinking every girl I approach as someone who will possibly like me, instead of thinking every girl I approach won't like me. Make sense? I've also learned to appreciate things about myself and like myself to a degree which also probably helps. I didn't get that way not approaching though. I learned through approaching and rejection taught me this, and I know that sounds counter intuitive but it's true. But don't be under the impression I don't feel hopeless or frustrated or nervous or ugly/unworthy too at times, because I do sometimes, but I push anyway because I know it's an internal issue, even IF it is true to some girls. It's still an internal issue that fluctuates in my mind, but that's some deep other ****...


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> You have to look at it more selfishly. What things can YOU gain by approaching that girl?
> 
> -Possible relationship
> -Sex
> -Exciting dating life; passion
> -Confidence
> -Companionship
> 
> etc.
> 
> You have to want it bad enough by selfishly looking at what you can get from it. This is not to say you can't share and cherish, but this is to say you need to want things bad enough.


I guess there are things like that but with many things I can get that outside a relationship or from other sources.

Not a problem with getting sex. I do have some women approach me when it comes to online dating who are under par and they know it. Often they will try and lure me in with sex, but when they realise they probably wont have a chance they do tend to offer the friends with benefits thing.

Theres always things like companionship I have from girls online. This year around 20 I spoke to online have added me on FB and theres the option to meet them even as friends.

The only thing I could benefit from is having someone I could think "wow" when I meet and get that happy feeling that someone i'm interested in likes me. Thats basically it.

A lot of my thoughts of not bothering stems from online dating. Especially recently with the sudden amount of messages that are not replied to. Ages ago on POF (when you could see if they read your message or deleted it) I messaged this 1 girl, made a really good opening message... however it was "read>deleted"... A few weeks later in some club she was there. She actually came up to me and tried talking to me there..... I said im not interested though.

Theres clearly more women available offline than online but there is still a hell of a lot of women online. Hiding behind a computer screen allows them to be more themselves (its easier to blow someone off online than in person). If the slightest technicality (my picture isnt a 10, date idea is lame, 1 of my hobbies isnt theirs) is enough to make them turn me down online without giving me a chance when I do have more to offer than most guys, they simply don't deserve me. Chances are if I had met some of the girls (that I had been shot down by online recently) offline and they knew the proper me and knew they had a chance, they would bite my arm off to get that chance.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> I guess there are things like that but with many things I can get that outside a relationship or from other sources.
> 
> Not a problem with getting sex. I do have some women approach me when it comes to online dating who are under par and they know it. Often they will try and lure me in with sex, but when they realise they probably wont have a chance they do tend to offer the friends with benefits thing.
> 
> Theres always things like companionship I have from girls online. This year around 20 I spoke to online have added me on FB and theres the option to meet them even as friends.
> 
> The only thing I could benefit from is having someone I could think "wow" when I meet and get that happy feeling that someone i'm interested in likes me. Thats basically it.
> 
> A lot of my thoughts of not bothering stems from online dating. Especially recently with the sudden amount of messages that are not replied to. Ages ago on POF (when you could see if they read your message or deleted it) I messaged this 1 girl, made a really good opening message... however it was "read>deleted"... A few weeks later in some club she was there. She actually came up to me and tried talking to me there..... I said im not interested though.
> 
> Theres clearly more women available offline than online but there is still a hell of a lot of women online. Hiding behind a computer screen allows them to be more themselves (its easier to blow someone off online than in person). If the slightest technicality (my picture isnt a 10, date idea is lame, 1 of my hobbies isnt theirs) is enough to make them turn me down online without giving me a chance when I do have more to offer than most guys, they simply don't deserve me. Chances are if I had met some of the girls (that I had been shot down by online recently) offline and they knew the proper me and knew they had a chance, they would bite my arm off to get that chance.


Just sounds like you don't want to do the work and you want them to come to you. In that case all you're doing is prolonging anything that could happen. If you want to meet someone then you are doing 2nd worst way possible--I say 2nd to worst because you're putting yourself in a position to get approached but you aren't doing anything yourself. 2nd worst position is still a ****ty position when all you have to do is introduce yourself. Unless you wow girls all the time and entice them to consistently approach you then you're just wasting your time not approaching


----------



## baseballdude

Not doing anything at the moment. I need to cool down and fix my attitude about women. It is just not fair to the person I may be interested in to jump into something if I have all these awful generalizations in my mind about women. Maybe next semester I will put myself out there again. Right now, I am still healing and getting counseling for all these terrible thoughts I have been having. 

Don't get me wrong, I am craving intimacy with a women as much as ever, I just need a change in heart before I start pursuing someone again.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Just sounds like you don't want to do the work and you want them to come to you. In that case all you're doing is prolonging anything that could happen. If you want to meet someone then you are doing 2nd worst way possible--I say 2nd to worst because you're putting yourself in a position to get approached but you aren't doing anything yourself. 2nd worst position is still a ****ty position when all you have to do is introduce yourself. Unless you wow girls all the time and entice them to consistently approach you then you're just wasting your time not approaching


hmmm, maybe 1 day I will try something with approaching.

Had a gutting start to the day. This nice girl I messaged the other day (who I thought I was shot down by as no reply) actually replied.

She said that she didnt want to see rude and not reply, but 1 of her friends is quite interested in me, so she isnt going to go there with me.... gutting.

I bet my bottom dollar its the girl I don't find attractive who is interested in me .


----------



## AndreAlcatraz

I will just create a topic like this :

Title : " Pay for a Girlfriend "

(my personal data, etc..)

//

And wait for some replies.

Maybe that will help.xD


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


>


Life doesn't always work out like that. It's not a straight forward "you get what you put in" type of deal. A lot of people have the belief that if you work hard, you will gain success. Not true. Every society needs menial low-wage labour. Not everyone can have a successful job. Society *depends* on menial labour. And countries with a strong welfare state like Sweden work around this by introducing heavy progressive taxation so that people in menial jobs are not at so much of a disadvantage financially than the average worker.

That does not mean that you should not try. Of course you should try. Just don't expect that hard work is necessarily going to pay off.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Life doesn't always work out like that. It's not a straight forward "you get what you put in" type of deal. A lot of people have the belief that if you work hard, you will gain success. Not true. Every society needs menial low-wage labour. Not everyone can have a successful job. Society *depends* on menial labour. And countries with a strong welfare state like Sweden work around this by introducing heavy progressive taxation so that people in menial jobs are not at so much of a disadvantage financially than the average worker.
> 
> That does not mean that you should not try. Of course you should try. Just don't expect that hard work is necessarily going to pay off.


agreed. of course you should try. when it comes to meeting women, it's your best bet obviously. somethings you can't achieve even if you work hard, agreed. unless you are seriously flawed by some way, i think dating is much more lenient than other things though


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Life doesn't always work out like that. It's not a straight forward "you get what you put in" type of deal. A lot of people have the belief that if you work hard, you will gain success. Not true. Every society needs menial low-wage labour. Not everyone can have a successful job. Society *depends* on menial labour. And countries with a strong welfare state like Sweden work around this by introducing heavy progressive taxation so that people in menial jobs are not at so much of a disadvantage financially than the average worker.
> 
> That does not mean that you should not try. Of course you should try. Just don't expect that hard work is necessarily going to pay off.


Yeh...that's probably the more realistic viewpoint. But honestly, when I was starting to approach girls I had the attitude that it was absolutely going to pay off. It just had to. Call me delusional at the time, but having that attitude is what pushed me to keep going even after getting rejected over and over. If you don't expect the hard work to necessarily pay off, then your motivation for doing this is stunted. I think a better approach is to realize that it might take some time before the hard work pays off, but it eventually will if you keep pushing. In other words, believing in the process and going for the ride.


----------



## rymo




----------



## Sourdog

Made some progress today, I went up to two random cute girls and asked if the bell rang. Baby steps!


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


>


Jasons a bit douchey lol.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Jasons a bit douchey lol.


Yeah, he can be, but it's in good humor. He's a good dude.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Made some progress today, I went up to two random cute girls and asked if the bell rang. Baby steps!


Hellz yeah

Have you devised a game plan yet? Any goals?


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> Hellz yeah
> 
> Have you devised a game plan yet? Any goals?


Not yet, but I should.

When you say game plan do you mean I should strive for x amount of approaches in 1 week or do you mean something else.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Not yet, but I should.
> 
> When you say game plan do you mean I should strive for x amount of approaches in 1 week or do you mean something else.


By game plan I mean a process you use to meet women to date, etc.

For example:

Approaching part:
-Where do you plan on meeting girls
-How you approach them/what to say
-How to ask for number, date

If you have those things figured out before you go out to meet girls then you'll be more confident and be better prepared.

The goals part is w/e you want to achieve. What is it you want to achieve? Overcoming fears? Getting numbers? Getting a girlfriend? Making friends? Etc. You need to have a goal in mind and make your game plan in order to achieve those goals.

It's common sense stuff. Without a goal or game plan you're going purely on randomness.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> By game plan I mean a process you use to meet women to date, etc.
> 
> For example:
> 
> Approaching part:
> -Where do you plan on meeting girls
> -How you approach them/what to say
> -How to ask for number, date
> 
> If you have those things figured out before you go out to meet girls then you'll be more confident and be better prepared.
> 
> The goals part is w/e you want to achieve. What is it you want to achieve? Overcoming fears? Getting numbers? Getting a girlfriend? Making friends? Etc. You need to have a goal in mind and make your game plan in order to achieve those goals.
> 
> It's common sense stuff. Without a goal or game plan you're going purely on randomness.


Yeah before I was more going with randomness so I will have to think about this. Thanks for the advice!


----------



## phoenixwright

I just emailed the girl at my support group again. Asking her if she's coming to the group's Christmas dinner on Saturday.

I promised myself I wouldn't email her until tonight but I'm bored on my lunch break and eager to get to know this girl. I rarely get like that. Only if I see some potential there. I'm hoping this works out.


----------



## mrmac

phoenixwright said:


> I just emailed the girl at my support group again. Asking her if she's coming to the group's Christmas dinner on Saturday.
> 
> I promised myself I wouldn't email her until tonight but I'm bored on my lunch break and eager to get to know this girl. I rarely get like that. Only if I see some potential there. I'm hoping this works out.


Good luck man, hope something happens.


----------



## ybnormyl

What I've been doing to get a girl has been in motion for over 6 months. I started working out and eating more so that I could gain muscle and increase my size. I am still working out to this day and will continue to do so. Another area in my life that I needed help on was clothing and style so I went through a couple months of online coaching for that. A of people mention SimplePickup on this forum so I signed up with them and have been watching and learning from their videos. I've also been chatting to random women online just to practice having a conversation.


----------



## rymo

ybnormyl said:


> What I've been doing to get a girl has been in motion for over 6 months. I started working out and eating more so that I could gain muscle and increase my size. I am still working out to this day and will continue to do so. Another area in my life that I needed help on was clothing and style so I went through a couple months of online coaching for that. A of people mention SimplePickup on this forum so I signed up with them and have been watching and learning from their videos. I've also been chatting to random women online just to practice having a conversation.


You are amazing. You get it! Working on yourself, having a positive attitude, you'll be slaying it in no time.


----------



## stoolie

Just went to a Christmas market with a few colleagues. Beside me was this cute girl without any ring on her hand, but she was always circled with some friends of hers.

Please tell me it wasn't a good situation to approach her, because I'm feeling very frustrated lately. 

It hurts even more when I see all these couples holding hands or going out together :/


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Just went to a Christmas market with a few colleagues. Beside me was this cute girl without any ring on her hand, but she was always circled with some friends of hers.
> 
> Please tell me it wasn't a good situation to approach her, because I'm feeling very frustrated lately.
> 
> It hurts even more when I see all these couples holding hands or going out together :/


It's actually better to approach her when she's with friends, because you look like even more of a boss to her. However, this is obviously a hell of a lot harder than if she were by herself, so don't beat yourself up over it. It can be very beneficial to just jump head first into an interaction and try not to drown, but smaller steps are also helpful. If you were more comfortable talking to one or two girls at once, for example, it would then become easier to talk to girls in a larger group. Just know that when you're by yourself it's nearly impossible to single out just one girl in a group without talking to and winning over her friends as well. Don't be upset just because you can't do one of the most difficult types of approaches right away.


----------



## ybnormyl

rymo said:


> You are amazing. You get it! Working on yourself, having a positive attitude, you'll be slaying it in no time.


Thanks. Its still baffles me how much of a motivator a female can be (if that makes any sense lol) Just wish I had this urge to change back when I was around 21.


----------



## rymo

ybnormyl said:


> Thanks. Its still baffles me how much of a motivator a female can be (if that makes any sense lol) Just wish I had this urge to change back when I was around 21.


No doubt about it. Women can cause men to move mountains.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> It's actually better to approach her when she's with friends, because you look like even more of a boss to her. However, this is obviously a hell of a lot harder than if she were by herself, so don't beat yourself up over it. It can be very beneficial to just jump head first into an interaction and try not to drown, but smaller steps are also helpful. If you were more comfortable talking to one or two girls at once, for example, it would then become easier to talk to girls in a larger group. Just know that when you're by yourself it's nearly impossible to single out just one girl in a group without talking to and winning over her friends as well. Don't be upset just because you can't do one of the most difficult types of approaches right away.


I can't even imagine how you would approach someone while they're surrounded by their friends?

@bwidger85 do you approach alone girls on your campus or even when they're with their friends? If so, how do you do that? Do you speak to all of them or just ignore the girl's friends and only speak to her?


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> I can't even imagine how you would approach someone while they're surrounded by their friends?
> 
> @bwidger85 do you approach alone girls on your campus or even when they're with their friends? If so, how do you do that? Do you speak to all of them or just ignore the girl's friends and only speak to her?


I haven't done it a ton but I usually just start with "hey i thought you all were really cute so I had to say hi." Then I ask what the occasion is, where they're from, etc. while smiling and trying to interject with jokes/flirts here and there. As for isolating one girl, you basically want to focus a little more of your attention on her the whole time and eventually when you've kind of won over the group just take her hand and move her away while mentioning that you're kidnapping her for a second or something like that.

Subscribe to Project Go by Simplepickup, they do it all the time. One video Kong and Jason take on a group of about 8 girls, and they were family members no less. There are several where they are by themselves as well.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> ...when you've kind of won over the group just take her hand...


Ok, forget it. That's way too advanced for me.

Even after the second date I would have difficulties to touch her hand.

I guess I should start with your "say Hi" challenge first, because I can't even do that :/

Is holding eye contact more difficult than saying Hi to her? Because I also can't do that, so maybe I should try to train that first.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Ok, forget it. That's way too advanced for me.
> 
> Even after the second date I would have difficulties to touch her hand.
> 
> I guess I should start with your "say Hi" challenge first, because I can't even do that :/
> 
> Is holding eye contact more difficult than saying Hi to her? Because I also can't do that, so maybe I should try to train that first.


I would say they're similar difficulty. I would focus on the saying Hi part. I know it seems tough but that's the best place to start. Eye contact is okay...but the problem is that even if someone looks at you that doesn't mean it's a huge sign that they're interested. Guys fall into this trap of waiting for a sign before they talk to a girl, instead of just talking to whoever the hell they want to talk to. Saying hi to whoever you find attractive is much more effective than waiting around for that perfect sign. You can also work on your eye contact during that conversation, so two birds with one stone.


----------



## Ivan AG

Sourdog said:


> Jasons a bit douchey lol.


All 3 guys have a douchey vibe to them.

Nothing against them, they're great guys who have taught me some things but they can be douchey.


----------



## Ivan AG

ybnormyl said:


> Thanks. Its still baffles me how much of a motivator a female can be (if that makes any sense lol) Just wish I had this urge to change back when I was around 21.


Oh yeah, women and men go way way back.

Back to the Stone Age.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> All 3 guys have a douchey vibe to them.
> 
> Nothing against them, they're great guys who have taught me some things but they can be douchey.


I don't really sense that at all from Kong and Jesse. I can sorta see that from Jason, he's my least favorite. But the other two are awesome. Jesse can be sarcastic but sarcasm is da best.


----------



## bsd3355

<<< Not feeling motivated. Give it a couple days


----------



## phoenixwright

She got back to me. She's undecided as to whether she's gonna go to the christmas dinner (due to her sa). I shot her an email just now. A part of me just wants to say that she can sit with me, it won't be so scary then sitting with a friend and say something corny like "us Pork chops (slang for Portuguese-Canadians) gotta stick together!" But yea I'm afraid of spooking this girl. lol. I don't mind if she can clue in that I think she's cute and that I want to get to know her. But I don't want her to think "this guy is a creeper/psycho". My fear of approaching women is not about "zomg I don't want her to know I'm interested thus far". It's more about "I don't want her to think I'm a creeper." It seems like practically every dating guide out there teaches guys to not appear interested and eager. Eagerness means a guy is a creeper or something. Guys are supposed to pretend like they are too busy with things going on in their own life to want to talk to a girl.

I'm sure I usually come off on here as passive and too scaredy cat-ish. But for some reason I have a good feeling about her. A feeling I never had with the girl from OkCupid. I just had to talk to her. And I'm eager to get to know her. But that does not mean I'm desperate or a creeper or anything like that. After all I barely know her. Unfortunately these labels get thrown around so casually these days. But yeah I have a sense of urgency here that I rarely have.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> She got back to me. She's undecided as to whether she's gonna go to the christmas dinner (due to her sa). I shot her an email just now. A part of me just wants to say that she can sit with me, it won't be so scary then sitting with a friend and say something corny like "us Pork chops (slang for Portuguese-Canadians) gotta stick together!" But yea I'm afraid of spooking this girl. lol. I don't mind if she can clue in that I think she's cute and that I want to get to know her. But I don't want her to think "this guy is a creeper/psycho". My fear of approaching women is not about "zomg I don't want her to know I'm interested thus far". It's more about "I don't want her to think I'm a creeper."
> 
> I'm sure I usually come off on here as passive and too scaredy cat-ish. But for some reason I have a good feeling about her. A feeling I never had with the girl from OkCupid. I just had to talk to her. And I'm eager to get to know her. But that does not mean I'm desperate or a creeper or anything like that. After all I barely know her. Unfortunately these labels get thrown around so casually these days. But yeah I have a sense of urgency here that I rarely have.


So go for it man. One email about pork chops is not going to make you a creeper. A creeper is either:

1. Showing interest INDIRECTLY, like repeatedly liking a girl's Facebook photos, for example.
2. Showing direct interest over and over and over EVEN after you have already been rejected.

You are doing neither of those, so send the email and go for it. "Hey, what happened to your Pork chop pride? Abandoning your ally in his time of need? Disgraceful...truly discraceful ". Something like that.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> She got back to me. She's undecided as to whether she's gonna go to the christmas dinner (due to her sa). I shot her an email just now. A part of me just wants to say that she can sit with me, it won't be so scary then sitting with a friend and say something corny like "us Pork chops (slang for Portuguese-Canadians) gotta stick together!" But yea I'm afraid of spooking this girl. lol. I don't mind if she can clue in that I think she's cute and that I want to get to know her. But I don't want her to think "this guy is a creeper/psycho". My fear of approaching women is not about "zomg I don't want her to know I'm interested thus far". It's more about "I don't want her to think I'm a creeper." It seems like practically every dating guide out there teaches guys to not appear interested and eager. Eagerness means a guy is a creeper or something. Guys are supposed to pretend like they are too busy with things going on in their own life to want to talk to a girl.
> 
> I'm sure I usually come off on here as passive and too scaredy cat-ish. But for some reason I have a good feeling about her. A feeling I never had with the girl from OkCupid. I just had to talk to her. And I'm eager to get to know her. But that does not mean I'm desperate or a creeper or anything like that. After all I barely know her. Unfortunately these labels get thrown around so casually these days. But yeah I have a sense of urgency here that I rarely have.


I think its already clear she reciprocated your interest

Go for it!


----------



## Zeeshan

ybnormyl said:


> What I've been doing to get a girl has been in motion for over 6 months. I started working out and eating more so that I could gain muscle and increase my size. I am still working out to this day and will continue to do so. Another area in my life that I needed help on was clothing and style so I went through a couple months of online coaching for that. A of people mention SimplePickup on this forum so I signed up with them and have been watching and learning from their videos. I've also been chatting to random women online just to practice having a conversation.


Looks like a lot of steps in the rigtg direction


----------



## lightningstorm

ybnormyl said:


> What I've been doing to get a girl has been in motion for over 6 months. I started working out and eating more so that I could gain muscle and increase my size. I am still working out to this day and will continue to do so. Another area in my life that I needed help on was clothing and style so I went through a couple months of online coaching for that. A of people mention SimplePickup on this forum so I signed up with them and have been watching and learning from their videos. I've also been chatting to random women online just to practice having a conversation.


dude dont waste money on Simplepickup bull****. working out is fine, but dont try be like the arnold, clothes are good, and stop chatting with women online, you are wasting time, don't you wanna to them in real life?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

rymo said:


> Guys fall into this trap of waiting for a sign before they talk to a girl, instead of just talking to whoever the hell they want to talk to. Saying hi to whoever you find attractive is much more effective than waiting around for that perfect sign.


Guilty. :\

I'm basically walking round with "IOI?" on my forehead.


----------



## rymo

evgtrees said:


> dude dont waste money on Simplepickup bull****. working out is fine, but dont try be like the arnold, clothes are good, and stop chatting with women online, you are wasting time, don't you wanna to them in real life?


engrish?


----------



## lightningstorm

rymo said:


> engrish?


talk. talk to them. dont you want to talk to them in real life?


----------



## pete24

I have slipped up a bit. I dont know how but tonight women have been flooding.

The slip up is gradually talking to women online, then not speaking in ages, assuming thats it, speaking to another.... but they all chat to me again at once.

Tonight 1 woman from the other week has been texting me, revealing shes getting drunk tomorrow night and she gets dirty when drunk (it seems what woman doesnt?)

Had the 1 I been sorta talking to on and off for weeks. Texting saying she can come n see me soon (The agenda was meeting, a date, followed by sex, with the worst being we can be FWB's)

The ugly 1 from POF found me on FB and has been talking to me (although I think she knows I messaged her hot friend on POF so hasnt chatted as much )

2 women from another dating site (Badoo) have also added me to FB, started liking my pictures and complimenting me.

This happened in the past too. Theres now 6 other replies to messages on POF, as well as 4 inbox messages of that "badoo" site I havent even opened yet.

I bet some that are getting back in touch now probably went off with some other guy, then realised I have better potential so are crawling back. Although its good playing dumb to this. If they can offer me some chat and maybe a laugh for a bit before I dump their *** off to 1 side and get with someone else then cool


----------



## rymo

ybnormyl said:


> Thanks. Its still baffles me how much of a motivator a female can be (if that makes any sense lol) Just wish I had this urge to change back when I was around 21.


I'm finding it hard to get motivated in general about various things these days. I wish I had that drive I had when I first started dating, just towards other things. I was obsessed with improving my dating life back then and I miss that feeling of unrelenting passion. Girls are one of the few things (hehe...things) that have motivated me to make huge improvements in myself, and I wish I could find that drive for other aspects of my life. Not that I'm not doing perfectly fine, but I know I could do more. A lot more. Great things.

Maybe I can figure out a way to use females as a motivator to accomplish other things. Examples:

- different job > more female-heavy location like NYC
- different job > more $$ > better clothes > confidence > women
- more hobbies & activities > more places to meet women & things to talk about with them
- working out more consistently > [well, you get the idea]

I dunno, maybe I'm just delusional. It's not that I'm so crazy about jumping into action and meeting tons of women. I'm at a point right now where I don't feel an overwhelming need to do so, and I'd rather focus on other things. Unfortunately, even though I _want_ to do other things, the motivation is lacking at the moment. It's a weird cycle of nothingness...


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I'm finding it hard to get motivated in general about various things these days. I wish I had that drive I had when I first started dating, just towards other things. I was obsessed with improving my dating life back then and I miss that feeling of unrelenting passion. Girls are one of the few things (hehe...things) that have motivated me to make huge improvements in myself, and I wish I could find that drive for other aspects of my life. Not that I'm not doing perfectly fine, but I know I could do more. A lot more. Great things.
> 
> Maybe I can figure out a way to use females as a motivator to accomplish other things. Examples:
> 
> - different job > more female-heavy location like NYC
> - different job > more $$ > better clothes > confidence > women
> - more hobbies & activities > more places to meet women & things to talk about with them
> - working out more consistently > [well, you get the idea]
> 
> I dunno, maybe I'm just delusional. It's not that I'm so crazy about jumping into action and meeting tons of women. I'm at a point right now where I don't feel an overwhelming need to do so, and I'd rather focus on other things. Unfortunately, even though I _want_ to do other things, the motivation is lacking at the moment. It's a weird cycle of nothingness...


I know how you feel. I suggest you organize your life. There is a clear lack of clarity n vision. I have taken courses before that help you do that.

You desire change you need to get clear on what you want


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I have slipped up a bit. I dont know how but tonight women have been flooding.
> 
> The slip up is gradually talking to women online, then not speaking in ages, assuming thats it, speaking to another.... but they all chat to me again at once.
> 
> Tonight 1 woman from the other week has been texting me, revealing shes getting drunk tomorrow night and she gets dirty when drunk (it seems what woman doesnt?)
> 
> Had the 1 I been sorta talking to on and off for weeks. Texting saying she can come n see me soon (The agenda was meeting, a date, followed by sex, with the worst being we can be FWB's)
> 
> The ugly 1 from POF found me on FB and has been talking to me (although I think she knows I messaged her hot friend on POF so hasnt chatted as much )
> 
> 2 women from another dating site (Badoo) have also added me to FB, started liking my pictures and complimenting me.
> 
> This happened in the past too. Theres now 6 other replies to messages on POF, as well as 4 inbox messages of that "badoo" site I havent even opened yet.
> 
> I bet some that are getting back in touch now probably went off with some other guy, then realised I have better potential so are crawling back. Although its good playing dumb to this. If they can offer me some chat and maybe a laugh for a bit before I dump their *** off to 1 side and get with someone else then cool


Seriously dude the amount of action u get is extraordinary considering you are meeting all these girls on line. Must admit I'm a bit jealous


----------



## Zeeshan

I have a very strong crush st this girl at work now. It sucks because on one hand she is clearly interested on the other a let down would be heart breaking considering I have to see her everyday.

Never the less I'm gonna ask her to hang out tomorrow. I've already told her I'm interested in her indirectly but strongly. Anyhow I might as well go for it BC its eating me up inside. 

What sucks is that I'm sure everyone will know that I asked her out if she doesn't reciprocate.

I've though myself 5 attitudes

1. I'm shameless
2. I don't care what anyone thinks their thoughts are irrelevant to my goals
3. I am going to go after what I desire. 
4. I'm going to enjoy rejection after all its just an emotion n there is no reason why any emotion cannot be enjoyed. 
5. I'm going to take on any challenge life puts in front if me. Challenges are fun. I'm going to approach all problems directly n aggressively


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

As much as I'm all for the going after you want, is it really worth pulling that stuff at work?


----------



## ybnormyl

evgtrees said:


> dude dont waste money on Simplepickup bull****. working out is fine, but dont try be like the arnold, clothes are good, and stop chatting with women online, you are wasting time, don't you wanna to them in real life?


You have to understand something about me. I'm 27 years old and have no clue on how to interact with women. Not a bit. I'm finding the Simplepickup videos to be a huge help on how normal males interact with females and build attraction. I think a lot of the stuff in their videos are over the top but there are some great info on fundamentals in there - stuff that I should have picked up on my own by now. And the chatting online thing, well that's just me taking baby steps. Talking to them in real life is the next step.


----------



## caratescort

i go to an escorting service ti find girl....


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Seriously dude the amount of action u get is extraordinary considering you are meeting all these girls on line. Must admit I'm a bit jealous


i know man. its madness. then just as i thought there couldnt be any more, this older woman i once knew text a bit earlier out of the blue asking if i wanna meet her next week for a few on her bday.

its the typical rules of stuff. you get no attention for ages, but then end up with loads in 1 go. i struggle to remember names of them at current.


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> i know man. its madness. then just as i thought there couldnt be any more, this older woman i once knew text a bit earlier out of the blue asking if i wanna meet her next week for a few on her bday.
> 
> its the typical rules of stuff. you get no attention for ages, but then end up with loads in 1 go. i struggle to remember names of them at current.


 Jeese, you must be one sexy beast to be getting all this attention online.


----------



## pete24

Sourdog said:


> Jeese, you must be one sexy beast to be getting all this attention online.


im not the best...may be women in my area? everyone has to take the rough with the smooth tho. you may be shotdown for ages (other day i was like wtf). just keep thinking n knowing its their loss if they shoot you down. build profiles around that thought.


----------



## pete24

its true confidence shows. went to other pub. this batmaids daughter kept giving smiles n this other older woman who iv always liked. 2013 is gonna be good


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Girl-related observation: sex is infinitely better the second time around.


----------



## bsd3355

Random thought:

If you have no motivation to meet women to date, that's fine. Why do something you don't have the motivation for? Motivation comes from a variety of reasons: pain, excitement, pleasure, curiosity, etc. If your motivation isn't there for whatever reasons then you're just not really that into it, which is fine! Some of my biggest motivators were from a feeling of loss or pain, but we shouldn't be motivated to do something if we truly don't want to do it. However, if that motivation is there then that's when we need to learn how to take advantage of it. Sometimes we don't knwo if it's what we want, so just learn how to take it easy until you know for sure. I go through periods of wanting and then not wanting something all the time

Stating the obvious, but I'm sometimes a moron for trying to do what seems "normal" and follow the crowd. We need to appreciate everything we do regardless if it's somehow different than what society tends to do. Kind of a confusing topic but w/e


----------



## phoenixwright

Alright I said that I'll sit next to her. The crowd will be less scary with an alley. Pork Chops gotta stick together! 

*crosses fingers* Hopefully it works out with this girl!

Is it irrational for me to have this gut feeling that a girl may be special? I don't know why I feel this way. It's not like I always have this level of interest in an attractive girl with SA. A lot of them do not give me this same vibe. Or one of my own heritage.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger you should definitely get a blog up of some kind, video or otherwise. 

It's not irrational, phoenix.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> bwidger you should definitely get a blog up of some kind, video or otherwise.
> 
> It's not irrational, phoenix.


I was doing blogs for a while but then this thread came about. I usually talked about women-related stuff like what I do now so I just use this thread now. Maybe I'll post audio stuff sometime, but when I did it before I felt like I was giving a lot of information. Now it just seems like I'm stating more of what people already know to an extent. I just like doing it 

Phoenix, sounds like you're just really excited, and that's good


----------



## Sourdog

Good luck Phoenix!


----------



## Sourdog

Anyone else ever get jealous when your friends get a girl in their life and you don't?


----------



## Ivan AG

Sourdog said:


> Anyone else ever get jealous when your friends get a girl in their life and you don't?


Story of my life, isn't it?

It's not even jealousy but a sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach. Almost like a fear that I'm not normal and that I'll be this way forever.

I get a sense of panic when I see this happen.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Anyone else ever get jealous when your friends get a girl in their life and you don't?


Yeah, I think that is somewhat normal. I always felt better by taking action, and the pain always motivated me, so they kind of nullified themselves that way (the pain being taken away by action) :b


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I think that is somewhat normal. I always felt better by taking action, and the pain always motivated me, so they kind of nullified themselves that way (the pain being taken away by action) :b


Yeah, but my friends are very condescending and always putting me down because of the lack of woman in my life. This can sometimes ruin my mood making me take less action. Though occasionally it pisses me off and somewhat motivates me.


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Yeah, but my friends are very condescending and always putting me down because of the lack of woman in my life. This can sometimes ruin my mood making me take less action. Though occasionally it pisses me off and somewhat motivates me.


Guys will be ballbusters will be guys. Just how it is, glad to see you're channeling that into some motivation.


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


> Guys will be ballbusters will be guys. Just how it is, glad to see you're channeling that into some motivation.


 I'm too emotional, most of the time their comments will ruin my mood completely for the day. I need to stop taking things to heart.


----------



## Zeeshan

Under pressure


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I've exposed my self to so much theory recently it's actually ridiculous. All that's left to do is take MASSIVE ACTION. I'm literally trembling with fear at the thought of leaving my comfort zone. Oh dear.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I've exposed my self to so much theory recently it's actually ridiculous. All that's left to do is take MASSIVE ACTION. I'm literally trembling with fear at the thought of leaving my comfort zone. Oh dear.


This is what I mean when I say guys on this thread over-complicate things. I would say all you need to start putting yourself out there is a solid week of "theory" or reading about what girls like, maybe watching several videos on approaches. After that, it just gets repetitive and you end up cramming your head with way more than you can handle. This is counter-productive because you'll be trying to come up with the perfect thing to say at every turn and end up putting way too much pressure on yourself.

It is incredibly nerve-wracking, but at some point you just have to sack up and do it. If you *really* want to improve, that is. Then after you do it a few times, you try to push through any rejections, learn from any mistakes you made, and then move on and try again. After you do it a bunch, _then_ you go back and get some more tips, some more theory, make little adjustments. Over time, you'll get more and more comfortable and you won't need the training wheels nearly as much - you'll be able to start infusing your own personality into your social interactions.

This, in fact, is why I like SimplePickup so much. Are they giving the best theoretical advice and routines in the world? Probably not. But those aren't necessary, either. They are difficult, overly-complicated, and prevent your own personality from shining through, at least as quickly. Sarging? I still don't even know what the **** that is. PUAs are promoting GAME, whereas SimplePickup promotes BEING YOU. You will never be perfect, and the beauty is you don't have to. Not even close. So get out there and start talking to girls.


----------



## bsd3355

Random video. This is just showing you that just because you approach a girl regardless of the situation it does NOT mean it will be awkward! You can meet women anywhere you'd like. Sometimes they are nice and sometimes they aren't. Some will like you and some won't.

Check it out:


----------



## Ivan AG

Can someone answer a question that's been bugging me for a long time?



How do all those guys you see in everyday life (university, work, etc.)that don't have SA have a girlfriend or a partner without doing a single day of cold approaching in their lives?

I'm talking about they haven't EVER in their lives cold approached a woman, and yet they're in a happy relationship. I've actually asked some of my friends. Not single day. 

How did things work out for them? Are they just lucky? Is everyone around me but ME lucky in life?

I can't help but feel like a victim when I see everyone around me happy and in a relationship. This really gets to me.


----------



## Nexus777

Ivan AG said:


> Can someone answer a question that's been bugging me for a long time?
> 
> How do all those guys you see in everyday life (university, work, etc.)that don't have SA have a girlfriend or a partner without doing a single day of cold approaching in their lives?
> 
> I'm talking about they haven't EVER in their lives cold approached a woman, and yet they're in a happy relationship. I've actually asked some of my friends. Not single day.
> 
> How did things work out for them? Are they just lucky? Is everyone around me but ME lucky in life?
> 
> I can't help but feel like a victim when I see everyone around me happy and in a relationship. This really gets to me.


First dito to your post. I am in the same boat.

As statistics go, most people meet their partners in social circles (friends, parties, school, uni etc.) or at the work place. So far this short piece of info from me. Actually approaching people (which were women in my case) in clubs etc. seem to lead only to a few relationships (maybe some drunken sex which both regret afterwards? No idea). So we SA people rarely have much friends or social circles where we meet women or even get introduced to them by friends etc.

And 2nd reason: luck (YES!), 3rd reason: looks.

And I highly doubt that the mentioned "cold approach" would lead to much, but we need to try it seems as there are not much other options (online sucks too).


----------



## rymo

Nexus777 said:


> And I highly doubt that the mentioned "cold approach" would lead to much, but we need to try it seems as there are not much other options (online sucks too).


Cold approach can lead to anything. In fact it can lead to a hell of a lot more than just talking to the few girls in your social circle. I mean hell, the entire world is at your fingertips, not just your small group.


----------



## Nexus777

rymo said:


> not just your small group.


Which group I dont have any 
I am a loner otherwise wouldn´t be in this forum at all


----------



## rymo

Nexus777 said:


> Which group I dont have any
> I am a loner otherwise wouldn´t be in this forum at all


not you personally silly


----------



## hypestyle

....finishing college this weekend is a step up for me. at least now if I get to tell women that I'm a college graduate, I'm comfortable in knowing that i'm not lying..


----------



## Nexus777

Silly yourself phew


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Can someone answer a question that's been bugging me for a long time?
> 
> How do all those guys you see in everyday life (university, work, etc.)that don't have SA have a girlfriend or a partner without doing a single day of cold approaching in their lives?
> 
> I'm talking about they haven't EVER in their lives cold approached a woman, and yet they're in a happy relationship. I've actually asked some of my friends. Not single day.
> 
> How did things work out for them? Are they just lucky? Is everyone around me but ME lucky in life?
> 
> I can't help but feel like a victim when I see everyone around me happy and in a relationship. This really gets to me.


Everyone goes through the grind in some way or another to meet someone. Just because someone met someone else at one place doing one thing doesn't mean everyone else has to do it the same way. There are no limits to meeting someone because essentially it's all the same thing: you are interested in someone so you take the chance. Waiting for something to happen, whether it be waiting to have friends before you have a relationship, or getting validation from outside sources, is ALWAYS worse than going for it regardless the circumstance.

We get lonely different ways and we also meet people different ways, but the underlying principle is the same in that we take a chance, and the less barriers you put on yourself the more opportunities you'll have. It's about taking advantage of your opportunities, not looking for the "perfect" instance to meet someone, even though that sounds pleasing, it will only prolong meeting someone.

Cold approach, meet through friends, through work, etc., but it's all done under the same pretext of taking a chance and taking advantage of opportunities.

These people you speak of are either more social in their lives than you or they are taking more risks than you are.


----------



## Ivan AG

The point I'm trying to make is not that there is a right or wrong way to meet someone special, it's that not all guys go through any grind in the first place.

Some just have a happy go lucky personality that lands them where they want to be. I should know, I'm friends with a few people like that.

To them, it wasn't a grind. It was just a happy coincidence of life.


----------



## stoolie

I started chatting with a girl on okcupid, who seems to enjoy the conversation and holds up her part of the conversation by asking questions. Not like most girls I've messaged, who make me feel like I'm some sort of game show host interviewing the contestants. :/

Anyway instead of chatting with her for weeks like I usually do, I think I'm going to ask her for a meet up in her city at the Christmas market. She's a student so I don't want to ask her to come to my city and pay the train ticket. Or would it be better to invite her to my city?

I think she would feel more comfortable in her city than in mine.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> The point I'm trying to make is not that there is a right or wrong way to meet someone special, it's that not all guys go through any grind in the first place.
> 
> Some just have a happy go lucky personality that lands them where they want to be. I should know, I'm friends with a few people like that.
> 
> To them, it wasn't a grind. It was just a happy coincidence of life.


**** them!


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> The point I'm trying to make is not that there is a right or wrong way to meet someone special, it's that not all guys go through any grind in the first place.
> 
> Some just have a happy go lucky personality that lands them where they want to be. I should know, I'm friends with a few people like that.
> 
> To them, it wasn't a grind. It was just a happy coincidence of life.


So what's your concern exactly? Do you want to meet through a happy coincidence too?


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> I started chatting with a girl on okcupid, who seems to enjoy the conversation and holds up her part of the conversation by asking questions. Not like most girls I've messaged, who make me feel like I'm some sort of game show host interviewing the contestants. :/
> 
> Anyway instead of chatting with her for weeks like I usually do, I think I'm going to ask her for a meet up in her city at the Christmas market. She's a student so I don't want to ask her to come to my city and pay the train ticket. Or would it be better to invite her to my city?
> 
> I think she would feel more comfortable in her city than in mine.


GL!


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Cold approach can lead to anything. In fact it can lead to a hell of a lot more than just talking to the few girls in your social circle. I mean hell, the entire world is at your fingertips, not just your small group.


If you think about it, most people don't even work that hard to find a girlfriend/boyfriend *and* this has negative consequences. They meet someone through their social circle usually. And often times that person they are with is not even the right person for them. It's a relationship of convenience. This is why the divorce rate is like 40+% and a good chunk of those intact marriages are miserable.

The advantage of "day game" cold approaches is that you greatly increase the number of women you come in contact with. You have a clear advantage over the average guy who just talks to girls through his social circle in terms of finding the right girl. The disadvantage of cold approach is that the success _rate_ (as in % chance that each girl you approach is going to become your girlfriend or a hook up) is a lot lower than warm approaches. It's more of a numbers games in that regard. Warm approaches are more effective in terms of success rate. For eg. That Portuguese SA girl I'm talking to now. If I just approached her on the street, I probably would have gone no where with her. But since I met her at a support group and I knew that we were both Portuguese, that made it a lot easier to naturally break the ice. Warm approaches take a lot of investment though and you can't approach as many women this way.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> So what's your concern exactly? Do you want to meet through a happy coincidence too?


It's a concern about how some people have an easy time in life.

This is upsetting for someone who's had it hard for most of their life. Hard in terms of being paralysed (literally) by anxiety, fear and negativity.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> It's a concern about how some people have an easy time in life.
> 
> This is upsetting for someone who's had it hard for most of their life. Hard in terms of being paralysed (literally) by anxiety, fear and negativity.


Then do something about it if you don't like it. Chances are they are and that's why it seems "easier" for them from your perspective. It may actually be easier for them but don't think it can't be the same for you. You simply are viewing the circumstance under your current lenses. People are very adaptable and flexible when it comes to change.

I don't know what else to say except that if you don't like your situation then change it. That's it really.


----------



## millenniumman75

I have learned that, really, it boils down to general conversations with everyone first.

I am VERY outgoing now, something I have not been in a long time. People have noticed BIG TIME - lunch out yesterday was proof of that. I get people to laugh all the time. Even the ones who thought I was "creepy" are trying to get to know me, but I don't want to get to know them anyway! 

There are brief stints when I question things, but that is FAR less than before. That's really the only way to build into the approach. NON-"hookup" like conversations with people. If you can't handle basic conversations, how in the world can you even ask about date-level intimacy? 

It's all in building oneself up before even thinking about going that far. Once you do go that far, it's a whole other series of steps....or you'll get slapped in the face - literally.


----------



## bsd3355

millenniumman75 said:


> I have learned that, really, it boils down to general conversations with everyone first.
> 
> I am VERY outgoing now, something I have not been in a long time. People have noticed BIG TIME - lunch out yesterday was proof of that. I get people to laugh all the time. Even the ones who thought I was "creepy" are trying to get to know me, but I don't want to get to know them anyway!
> 
> There are brief stints when I question things, but that is FAR less than before. That's really the only way to build into the approach. NON-"hookup" like conversations with people. If you can't handle basic conversations, how in the world can you even ask about date-level intimacy?
> 
> It's all in building oneself up before even thinking about going that far. Once you do go that far, it's a whole other series of steps....or you'll get slapped in the face - literally.


Yeah, I agree. If you feel like you can't even talk to someone properly then it'll seem much harder for you, and it probably will be. I guess you do have to take steps. It's been a long time since I've been in that head space because I've proven to myself I am a good conversationalist when I want to be and it also takes two to tango so that helps take the pressure off thinking I'm bombing conversation. But I still remember what it felt like to look someone in the eye or feel like I couldn't have a conversation, etc.

What I find interesting is that, at least for me, if I feel like I can't talk to someone then my focus goes on that and I get an urge to want to overcome that specific thing, and then I move on to something else. After a while, I proved a lot to myself and those things are much, much less bothersome to me.

This is actually a very deep topic because it's personal to the individual, but ultimately, people are adaptable and flexible to change. We need to go through experiences to change our beliefs and attitudes. Usually if you jump in the deep end you'll go through the process that much faster. This whole thing with "learning and growing" meeting women has been something that urked me inside and I was drawn to it out of fear, curiosity and the belief that I can gain confidence and improve and get a girlfriend. I stuck with it and my confidence has jumped leaps and bounds and I'm currently at the place where I feel like I learned most of what I need to know and feel somewhat confident about it, but now it's all about taking action when I want to.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> GL!


So it's the right thing to do, to invite myself to her city?

I have no idea how this usually works, when you don't live in the same city.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> So it's the right thing to do, to invite myself to her city?
> 
> I have no idea how this usually works, when you don't live in the same city.


Going to her city is fine. It usually doesn't matter, but it'll probably be easier on her if you go to where she lives.


----------



## phoenixwright

There is a lot of variance in how quick girls give out their number on dating sites. I talked to another one on OkCupid that creeped my profile a couple times. She's not all that attractive but seems like she'd be an easy lay given her interest in me (I don't know why after all this time I still hold out for this hope that the casual sex thing will work out for me when time after time I find that it is overrated but whatever. lol) and her match answers (she answered in her OKCupid match answers that she's more interested in sex than love, she's had more sexual partners than half her age, she's 5 years older than me. She's more sexually focused than I am by a long shot. I'm more of a romantic type while she seems very "bah humbug" towards romance according to her OKCupid answers) and seems like she's cool to talk to to boot. I basically asked for her number in the second message (that worked with the girl I went on a couple dates with on OkCupid. However that one approached me. The dynamic is different) and she totally ignored that question and instead addressed what I was talking about before that. Plus I don't think this girl may even be a nice person (in her match answers, she says that she would dump a guy if he wasn't good in the sack. As if sex is top priority for her. In a relationship, this is something that could be worked out through communication and patience). She seems like a jaded 32 year old who is bitter that men only use her for sex and don't want anything real with her. That's probably why she is interested primarily in sex at 32 and isn't into romance stuff at all. She likely hates that men like me want relationships with other girls and never her.

I'm still interested in the cute SA girl. I'm just keeping my options open in the mean time.


----------



## Cyclonic

I've recently been talking to this girl online. It's kind of a weird situation from my point of view. She randomly IMs me every once in a while, doesn't have much to say, then deletes her profile a few weeks later. She makes a new profile and does it again. This is the fourth time now and she actually sent me a message (rather than an IM). 

We've gone back and forth for the last few days now and I think I'm about to hit a wall (if I'm not against it already). She doesn't have much on her profile, so it's hard to find something I can pitch out there, and her messages are short, simple, and lack much detail (and are usually closed-ended). She wants to know if we can be "friends" (and it feels like a conversation between 5-year olds right now). To be quite honest, she's out of my league so I'm amazed she's even talking to me. How should I proceed?


----------



## bsd3355

Since the last semester let out I've been sitting at home becoming a recluse. I've been kind of waiting for some type of motivation to strike me to maybe talk to women or do something.

I'm kind of interested in meeting new people and making friends, which is strange for me. It may be a phase but I'm going to act on those feelings. I might go a route rymo has been shifted doing. Maybe it's time for me to have a better social life aside from just trying to meet girls all the time? But don't get me wrong, if I feel the urge to meet girls, which is almost inevitable, then I will but lately I've been getting a urge to make friends.

Idk, will see what happens. I'll try it out. Maybe I'll call a few numbers in my phone, or maybe I'll go do a meetup thing close to my area...

anyone in the ohio area might want to hang out hit me up


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> ..
> 
> anyone in the ohio area might want to hang out hit me up


fk i would love to hang out and exchange some ideas but i don't live in the states anymore.

london is too damn far for hanging out.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Madax said:


> I've recently been talking to this girl online. It's kind of a weird situation from my point of view. She randomly IMs me every once in a while, doesn't have much to say, then deletes her profile a few weeks later. She makes a new profile and does it again. This is the fourth time now and she actually sent me a message (rather than an IM).
> 
> We've gone back and forth for the last few days now and I think I'm about to hit a wall (if I'm not against it already). She doesn't have much on her profile, so it's hard to find something I can pitch out there, and her messages are short, simple, and lack much detail (and are usually closed-ended). She wants to know if we can be "friends" (and it feels like a conversation between 5-year olds right now). To be quite honest, she's out of my league so I'm amazed she's even talking to me. How should I proceed?


Abundance. It'd be cool to hang out right, but you don't need to.

As a side note, personally I'm done with the whole online scene. It's obviously a great tool to meet women, but for me it's almost an excuse not to go out and cold approach. You're expanding your comfort zone for sure, but it's not enough for me.

Anyway, it's another freezing cold night here. I'm going to bounce around town to see what's happening for a while and try and plunge for that first approach. I was going to say wish me luck, but that would make me outcome dependent. lol


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> fk i would love to hang out and exchange some ideas but i don't live in the states anymore.
> 
> london is too damn far for hanging out.


dude you are in _the _mecca of meeting people in london. i'd love to go there sometime


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> fk i would love to hang out and *exchange some ideas* but i don't live in the states anymore.
> 
> london is too damn far for hanging out.


Ideas haha. **** ideas, just go out there and git er done!!!!!!!


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Ideas haha. **** ideas, just go out there and git er done!!!!!!!


why u mad though?


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> why u mad though?


?


----------



## bsd3355

This is just talking about developing inner strength, goals, etc. Just wanted to share if you're interested:


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Well that was interesting. So firstly I was out for just shy of three hours in total, which is an improvement upon last week's 1 hour. I think in total I walked past around a dozen different pubs and just being around that atmosphere I really felt my comfort zone expanding. Coming down to the hard facts, I didn't open a girl, at least not verbally, but I did talk to several guys and it reached a point where they where approaching me which was cool. Conversation was very generic, but it was a bunch of interactions I wouldn't otherwise have had. 

Now for the ladies. Walking about for three hours as you can imagine a few spots opened up. The first was my timely stroll past a bus stop and a super cute girl hopped right off and into my reality. We shared a glance, but nothing more. She was with a friend, although I'm not sure I would have opened even if she was alone. Then for like the next hour it was just big sets, groups of three, four and on one occasion about twenty people which was a tad nerve-wracking, but I pushed on. Towards the back end of the outing, I had probably my best opportunity since I've engrossed myself into the world of PUA and I still didn't take it. Strong eye contact and we both engineered a smile. As I mentioned above it was almost a non verbal opener, but I still needed the balls to stop and have a quick chat. A little part of me is angry and frustrated, but reframing it into a positive (much love Brad Branson) that was the first time in a very long time that I've looked at a girl and smiled. Was it worth the three hours of strolling about? Hell yeah! Am I planning to do the same tomorrow? Hell yeah! The longer I was out the more I could feel myself having a little more urgency, so I'm going to carry that through with me. 

Apologies for the long winded effort.


----------



## Ivan AG

Quick question, is there any significance in putting lots of "xx" at the end of text messages?

A lot of girls use those when they message me and I don't know what it means.


----------



## Sourdog

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Well that was interesting. So firstly I was out for just shy of three hours in total, which is an improvement upon last week's 1 hour. I think in total I walked past around a dozen different pubs and just being around that atmosphere I really felt my comfort zone expanding. Coming down to the hard facts, I didn't open a girl, at least not verbally, but I did talk to several guys and it reached a point where they where approaching me which was cool. Conversation was very generic, but it was a bunch of interactions I wouldn't otherwise have had.
> 
> Now for the ladies. Walking about for three hours as you can imagine a few spots opened up. The first was my timely stroll past a bus stop and a super cute girl hopped right off and into my reality. We shared a glance, but nothing more. She was with a friend, although I'm not sure I would have opened even if she was alone. Then for like the next hour it was just big sets, groups of three, four and on one occasion about twenty people which was a tad nerve-wracking, but I pushed on. Towards the back end of the outing, I had probably my best opportunity since I've engrossed myself into the world of PUA and I still didn't take it. Strong eye contact and we both engineered a smile. As I mentioned above it was almost a non verbal opener, but I still needed the balls to stop and have a quick chat. A little part of me is angry and frustrated, but reframing it into a positive (much love Brad Branson) that was the first time in a very long time that I've looked at a girl and smiled. Was it worth the three hours of strolling about? Hell yeah! Am I planning to do the same tomorrow? Hell yeah! The longer I was out the more I could feel myself having a little more urgency, so I'm going to carry that through with me.
> 
> Apologies for the long winded effort.


Keep it up man.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Well that was interesting. So firstly I was out for just shy of three hours in total, which is an improvement upon last week's 1 hour. I think in total I walked past around a dozen different pubs and just being around that atmosphere I really felt my comfort zone expanding. Coming down to the hard facts, I didn't open a girl, at least not verbally, but I did talk to several guys and it reached a point where they where approaching me which was cool. Conversation was very generic, but it was a bunch of interactions I wouldn't otherwise have had.
> 
> Now for the ladies. Walking about for three hours as you can imagine a few spots opened up. The first was my timely stroll past a bus stop and a super cute girl hopped right off and into my reality. We shared a glance, but nothing more. She was with a friend, although I'm not sure I would have opened even if she was alone. Then for like the next hour it was just big sets, groups of three, four and on one occasion about twenty people which was a tad nerve-wracking, but I pushed on. Towards the back end of the outing, I had probably my best opportunity since I've engrossed myself into the world of PUA and I still didn't take it. Strong eye contact and we both engineered a smile. As I mentioned above it was almost a non verbal opener, but I still needed the balls to stop and have a quick chat. A little part of me is angry and frustrated, but reframing it into a positive (much love Brad Branson) that was the first time in a very long time that I've looked at a girl and smiled. Was it worth the three hours of strolling about? Hell yeah! Am I planning to do the same tomorrow? Hell yeah! The longer I was out the more I could feel myself having a little more urgency, so I'm going to carry that through with me.
> 
> Apologies for the long winded effort.


Cool man. Maybe see approaching and talking to a girl with no outcome at all. Maybe just approach with the goal in mind of just saying "hi" for a day or two. Ultimately, you are working at your own pace. It's good you are taking responsibility for what you want. A lot of people can't even do what you've done tonight. Did you go alone?


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Quick question, is there any significance in putting lots of "xx" at the end of text messages?
> 
> A lot of girls use those when they message me and I don't know what it means.


It's just a fad


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> It's just a fad


wtf I thought this meant we're destined to be together?

jk


----------



## yourfavestoner

I've been known to occasionally leave my house and walk around in public places.

That's to the extent I make an effort to get women.


----------



## Brandeezy

Something cool happened today guys. So there's this girl who always comes in early in the morning to shop at my store. She's real cute and wears those panda hats everytime I see her. I've been scared to even say hello to her but last week I was filling the banana display and she said "so are they gonna be read by next year" then started laughing. I told her "maybe" then smilied, but my co worker had to come and cockblock smh. Luckliy I saw her today and she said to me "hey guess what, I finished those bananas", I said "wowwwwwww" she laughed then I asked her how long did it take. We both laughed then she continued shopping, I hope I see her tomorrow so I can ger her number. I need line though guys. Any help?


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Brandeezy said:


> Something cool happened today guys. So there's this girl who always comes in early in the morning to shop at my store. She's real cute and wears those panda hats everytime I see her. I've been scared to even say hello to her but last week I was filling the banana display and she said "so are they gonna be read by next year" then started laughing. I told her "maybe" then smilied, but my co worker had to come and cockblock smh. Luckliy I saw her today and she said to me "hey guess what, I finished those bananas", I said "wowwwwwww" she laughed then I asked her how long did it take. We both laughed then she continued shopping, I hope I see her tomorrow so I can ger her number. I need line though guys. Any help?


You can have my banana free of charge.


----------



## Shinichi

bwidger85 said:


> dude you are in _the _mecca of meeting people in london. i'd love to go there sometime


Exactly. I met more interesting people in 3 weeks there than in 6 years where I live.


----------



## Raulz0r

Right now what I do towards my goal of "getting a girl", is sit on my *** all day in the front of my computer, drinking soda, eating cheetos and skittles, watching as much TV Series as possible, listening to music and that's about it.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

yourfavestoner said:


> I've been known to occasionally leave my house and walk around in public places.
> 
> That's to the extent I make an effort to get women.


Pretty much this. I have been talking to this girl, she seems nice, have no ****ing idea what she thinks of me though as she has social anxiety as well.


----------



## stoolie

I've fallen prey to the Myspace angle with that girl I was planning to ask for a meet-up.

Call me superficial, but I don't want to start something with someone, who I don't find attractive. I justify myself by saying that many girls do exactly the same and I would accept it if they would do that to me (at least I'm telling myself that).


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Sourdog said:


> Keep it up man.


Thanks for the encouragement, SD.



bwidger85 said:


> Cool man. Maybe see approaching and talking to a girl with no outcome at all. Maybe just approach with the goal in mind of just saying "hi" for a day or two. Ultimately, you are working at your own pace. It's good you are taking responsibility for what you want. A lot of people can't even do what you've done tonight. Did you go alone?


Sound advice as always and yes I did go alone. It's a little colder tonight, but I'm wrapped up and motivated. I'll report back in a few hours.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Sound advice as always and yes I did go alone. It's a little colder tonight, but I'm wrapped up and motivated. I'll report back in a few hours.


Ballin'

You're so bi-winning it's not even funny


----------



## bsd3355

So yesterday I made plans to go shoot pool with an old friend of mine. I texted him today and he said he doesn't want to go out because he'd rather stay at home and hang out there and that put me off to be honest. That sounds so boring.

Idk, I haven't approached any girls since the 5th. I haven't really felt motivated to do so, but then I realize how boring I find socializing to be sometimes and I try to compare it to the excitement of meeting a girl. I don't know what it is, but something in me is just simply more excited wanting to meet girls and date girls. I have zero interest in making platonic friends. It's kind of weird. I mean, unless I'm super, super bored then that may sound like fun, but for the most part I enjoy doing my own thing. I have stuff I do alone that I think is far funner, and it's not even an issue of fear or anxiety, it's simply boredom and lack of interest in making friends. I can't deny that even if I want to. Oh, but the strange thing is, not meeting women. Something about it just tells me that's what I want to do, meet and date girls and get a girlfriend possibly. I can't deny that either. I sit and think about how much fun I'd have hanging out at my buddy's house, and it seems nil compared to hanging out at a girl's house I'm interested in. Maybe this friend I'm talking about really doesn't interest me in any way. Idk, but it's weird how I'm just focused purely on socializing with women. Totally opposite of how I was growing up. So I think I'm just going to cancel going to his house and hanging out. I can't bring myself to do things I don't want to do anymore for the sake of it. Maybe if it was something more interesting, but not tonight, man...

So the next question I ask myself is if I'm so interested in meeting girls then why don't I want to go to the bars? I really don't want to do to the bars to meet girls. I feel like if I can't meet girls anywhere else then I might get motivated to meet girls at the bar, but I'm not interested in going to the bar, at least alone. Sooooo, what I think I'm going to do tomorrow is go back ol' skool and go to the mall tomorrow and see if there are any girls I can talk to. Chances are there won't be, but honestly that sounds so much more fun and interesting than anything else, I find it kind of strange but cool at the same time because, like I said, I feel like this is kind of what my purpose is at this stage of my life. I don't know if it's a biological thing or what but I can't deny my urge to want to meet girls or get a girlfriend. It's the strangest thing how I can not be interested in any other forms of socializing but that. I don't quite get it myself. I guess I just need to get back out there...

Idk, maybe I should..............BUST A MOVE?


----------



## Ivan AG

All this meditation/mindfulness stuff is so good for clearing my head and getting into the right state to take action.


----------



## Sourdog

Next weekend I may be going to a bar with a couple buddies, maybe with some liquid courage i'll be able to approach some woman.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> All this meditation/mindfulness stuff is so good for clearing my head and getting into the right state to take action.


Yeah, it's awesome stuff. I absolutely love it!


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Next weekend I may be going to a bar with a couple buddies, maybe with some liquid courage i'll be able to approach some woman.


So everyone here is becoming "boss" all the sudden? wtf? :b


----------



## pete24

This week has flown, been analysing women (no not anal... maybe soon)

After results online it looks like this (wont mention who wants cuddles as they all have said they doa nd would after cam chats):

Woman A... (Weds date). The best of them, date is 90% set in stone, makes me laugh, a bit too ****ty (may mean I turn her down for potential relationship). Did say tho if the date goes crap then I will issue her a full refund on travel and spending.

Woman B (Thurs date). nice enough girl, seems loyal. Looks not to my standards, chances are I will turn her down.

Woman C (Fri Date). More to my level, isnt the hottest, both her mum and dad are butt ugly (I look for this cause they will take after 1 of em n parents dont tend to wear makeup)... She actually wants sex pretty much, n shes staying overnight (been speaking for ages), I guess shes hoping for a future relationship but dunno yet.


So 3 choice, A is the best, B is a backup plan, n C is..... well a bit of fun to celebrate my week.

Although when I meet them my opinions may change


and I just did a bad fart to remind me of what its like to have someone else's arse in my bed (i'll behave)


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Good God it was cold tonight. I really need to invest in some gloves. Anyway, onto the women. It was a lot more scarce tonight for one reason or another and the early part of the night was like a ghost town. Not discouraged I pushed on and sure enough I had my first open. I only said hello and asked for the time, but the girl was straight up blazin. It's only a baby step, but again a step I wouldn't have taken otherwise. From then on in it was a series of heavy sets, but rather than looking to the floor like I usually do I made solid eye contact with almost no anxiety present. Like bwidger I feel the next logical step is to actually bounce round the bars, but I don't have anyone to go with. Everyone's drinking and having a good time so it shouldn't be too hard to just push through with it. 

Tomorrow night may be a non starter given it's a Sunday, but I've got to roll with this momentum so I may go to Manchester where the opportunities will be endless. We'll see.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Good God it was cold tonight. I really need to invest in some gloves. Anyway, onto the women. It was a lot more scarce tonight for one reason or another and the early part of the night was like a ghost town. Not discouraged I pushed on and sure enough I had my first open. I only said hello and asked for the time, but the girl was straight up blazin. It's only a baby step, but again a step I wouldn't have taken otherwise. From then on in it was a series of heavy sets, but rather than looking to the floor like I usually do I made solid eye contact with almost no anxiety present. Like bwidger I feel the next logical step is to actually bounce round the bars, but I don't have anyone to go with. Everyone's drinking and having a good time so it shouldn't be too hard to just push through with it.
> 
> Tomorrow night may be a non starter given it's a Sunday, but I've got to roll with this momentum so I may go to Manchester where the opportunities will be endless. We'll see.


One word: awesome !!

Any specific goals next time? Maybe ask how their day is going or what they think of 'so and so' place. You can ask their opinion on something in the environment or around you; something you both are noticing, etc. Just keep going at your own pace. There is no rush to get anywhere. When you're ready to try something else, go for it!

This month I started keeping track of my approaches, just to get a better idea of what's going on. I started an excel sheet and everything lol. It actually makes it kind of funner. So far, I got 8 rejections straight from walking around campus, but I no longer have such an outcome dependent mindset. I know that some things happen randomly, and I know I'm doing what I need to do to efficiently meet people. Would I rather get rejected 9 out of 10 times in a boring day? Or would I rather wait for months on end for the perfect moment to arise and maybe approach 2 or 3 every few months? I'd rather get rejected 9 times a day and get one solid number of a girl who's interested in ONE DAY than spend months and months doing it the other way with just as much as a random outcome. Thing is, I hardly get rejected 9 times a day if I go out because I usually do no more than 5, which is something I want to work on. My personal goal is either 2 numbers a day before I can go home or 10 rejections before I can go home. Either way, I'll feel like I gave it a valiant effort and I'll be satisfied either way. I actually think if I went to campus when it's in semester and I approached 10 girls being in a decent mood I could probably get 4-5 numbers, and one is likely to be serious about dating. This is why I want to increase my rejections per outing before I can go home or get 2 numbers. Like tomorrow I'll go out and probably approach 2 girls and will get rejected both times, but to me that beats sitting around waiting for something to happen.

All this "rejection" stuff sounds horrible probably to some, but I'm definitely not sadomasochistic lol. I almost don't have the words to describe it, but it actually feels better to me to go and give it a try than do nothing at all. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like not going after what I want. I'm the type who suffers more from not taking action than taking action and failing. But the part that has really changed in my mind and given me a sense of indifference to rejection is the belief that I'll meet someone, and the rejection number doesn't mean that much at all--it's more like just going through the motion until the inevitable happens. Imagine having the belief that it is inevitable that you meet someone if you just go through the motion? That's how I feel. Can you see why rejection means less to me now? But don't forget, there are random elements in meeting someone. My ex girlfriend I met 2 weeks of going out on the weekend earlier this year!!! 2 WEEKS! Now, if you can't tell me there ain't no randomness in that then I don't know what is. What that means you can literally get rejected 50 times in a row before you meet someone, and another time you can try and approach 2 people and meet someone. That's the randomness element I'm talking about, which gives me even more indifference to rejection.

God, would i love more reference experiences on this, which is one of the main reasons I keep going at it. I have proved a lot to myself and I'm often thinking of the time when I was dating three girls and wondering how the hell I did that? Because you can have those experiences and later be the same person who you were before those experiences just sitting around all day on your computer eating crap food and playing video games like you were when you were a pre-teen (just an example lol). Nothing _really_ changes when you learn how to meet women. The only thing that changes is your confidence and you don't worry as much. Somehow, which I find truly inspiring, is that there always seems a light in dark places and you ALWAYS tend to learn extremely important things about life when you go through those "dark places"; you almost always find the light and it just grows to indifference or something very positive if you learn from those experiences the right way. Deep stuff but it's true.


----------



## rymo

Went out with my friend to a club and there were almost no attractive girls. Reason being school is out and all the Yale girls are gone. It was very dry. We danced with a couple girls who initially seemed eager but stopped randomly at one point and walked away. No idea why but whatever.

I felt very bashful all night when it came to approaching, probably because it's been a while. I've been seeing the same girls for a while now and I'm ready to move on, but I certainly didn't live up to my expectations when it comes to approaching new ones. That being said, for the first time ever I really don't give a ****. I've proven to myself that I can get girls, so if I go out with my friend I can have a good time without trying to prove that to myself again. It was a nice feeling.

In other news my ex has been texting me and wants to come visit in January, even though she has a boyfriend. Not sure what that's about but certainly hoping to capitalize on it. I know I could never love her but I would still very much enjoy hanging out with her again.


----------



## phoenixwright

The SA girl showed up to the Christmas Dinner (it looked like she wasn't going to show given how tentative she seemed but she came through!) A friend of mine from the group was waiting outside for me with another guy and her outside the original planned restaurant (we had to reschedule because that restaurant was being shut down for maintenance and had to go to another one). He texts me she is here, hurry up. I arrived on time while they arrived early. I planned on arriving 20-30 mins early but the expressway was backed up for miles and this was a 37 km trip (22 miles). 

I had no idea if by here he meant the originally planned or the new restaurant (I heard from another friend that the plans changed). So I call him and I ask him simply "where are you?" and he goes into this whole spiel about the plans being changed (he had no idea I heard from the other friend) and he was saying stuff like "she's here man" within what seemed like earshot from her (!!!). And I was yelling/swearing with him on the phone (I have a Type A Personality sometimes and I just got off a backed up expressway like 10-15 mins prior so I was stressed) because i was frustrated with him not being direct with me. And I was basically having this phone conversation with him from the other end of the street so I'm worried she might have overheard me swearing at him from the other end of the street (I had no idea that they were that close). It is a wide main street though. My friend claims that she didn't hear me yell/swear. She knows already for sure that I like her but if she overheard what he was saying (likely), then it's apparent that she knows that my friend knows that I like her. And it's embarrassing for him to make it so obvious like that. Saying "she's here, don't keep her waiting in the cold" (and other such things. I can't remember what he said. I just know I felt embarrassed) within earshot of her and what not.

At the Christmas Dinner, half of the first table was free. I saw that she was gravitating towards sitting near the edge of the table away from everyone else. But then I had went to sit two chairs from that edge because of all the available room left. When I saw that she went to sit at the edge, I quickly took the chair one over to the right so that I'd sit next to her (I hadn't went to sit at the original seat 2 over yet but I was going to). We had some good exchanges conversation wise (keep in mind this is a group setting). In the beginning I found that she was asking me a lot of questions and I felt guilty that I wasn't asking her as many questions as she was asking me (I felt kinda tentative to ask her about her weekend, her week and what she was doing work/school-wise since I have heard from friends that she has like zero social life, unemployed and not in school. She has SA and some people are in that boat. So I didn't want to hit any sensitive spots. But then later during the night I started asking her questions about herself while she wasn't asking a whole lot of me anymore. It was hard for me to come up with questions so I eventually did have to ask about work/school and how her week was and everything.

Getting her to talk was kinda like pulling teeth. She gives a lot of closed answers and doesn't expand. Conversation killer. A girl like her probably needs an extroverted guy and asking me to be extroverted is like asking a 5'3" guy to dunk a basketball). And from my body language, I think it was dead obvious that I felt nervous about the awkward silences. She talks less than I do and that's saying something. So yeah I feel rather discouraged. All my hopes of having a sweet girl-next-door brunette Portuguese-Canadian girlfriend (who also has SA! lol) kinda out the window in an instant! lol. If we can't talk a whole lot, it's hard to be friends, let alone bf/gf right? Though yeah we did have some good exchanges and I made her laugh numerous times. But my friend told me that it seemed like a polite dinner laugh. And that she might not have actually thought that I was funny (I make people laugh all the time though). 

After the Christmas Dinner, she asked us what we were doing. The gang wanted to go to Tim Hortons (Canadian big chain everyman coffee shop. It's like a Dunkin Donuts I guess. It's below Starbucks in terms of quality). She said that she was going to go head home. I had wondered if maybe she wanted to do something else but I didn't know how to press her on that. Particularly when we're just getting to know each other and it might seem awkward for me to ask her what she wants to do and break us off from the whole gang like that. So I showed her the subway (metro) station and we said bye. I didn't ask for her digits that night. It didn't feel like the right moment. I don't think it wouldn't have been crucial anyway because she sent me an email reply before from her Blackberry. So texting her is no different than emailing her anyway.

I don't know whether this could work out. And plus I don't even know if she's interested in me or whether there is potential for that (as we get to know each other more). She's going to be 32 next month. I'm 27. 4 1/2 years age difference is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. However I don't feel that age should be an issue in this case IMO. The last SA girl (lol) that I talked to was more talkative and we were able to carry a conversation for 10-15 mins when we first met and for 30 mins over a drink at a bar and also while playing pool afterwards and back at my car later. So things seemed pretty promising. Until I found out that she plays for the other team.  The last SA girl was a SA extrovert. This one is a SA introvert. And with the new girl, I feel like there might be potential there if I draw her out of her shell. Whereas with the last girl, I was crazy about her after talking with her for 10-15 mins.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> The SA girl showed up to the Christmas Dinner (it looked like she wasn't going to show given how tentative she seemed but she came through!) A friend of mine from the group was waiting outside for me with another guy and her outside the original planned restaurant (we had to reschedule because that restaurant was being shut down for maintenance and had to go to another one). He texts me she is here, hurry up. I arrived on time while they arrived early. I planned on arriving 20-30 mins early but the expressway was backed up for miles and this was a 37 km trip (22 miles).
> 
> I had no idea if by here he meant the originally planned or the new restaurant (I heard from another friend that the plans changed). So I call him and I ask him simply "where are you?" and he goes into this whole spiel about the plans being changed (he had no idea I heard from the other friend) and he was saying stuff like "she's here man" within what seemed like earshot from her (!!!). And I was yelling/swearing with him on the phone (I have a Type A Personality sometimes and I just got off a backed up expressway like 10-15 mins prior so I was stressed) because i was frustrated with him not being direct with me. And I was basically having this phone conversation with him from the other end of the street so I'm worried she might have overheard me swearing at him from the other end of the street (I had no idea that they were that close). It is a wide main street though. My friend claims that she didn't hear me yell/swear. She knows already for sure that I like her but if she overheard what he was saying (likely), then it's apparent that she knows that my friend knows that I like her. And it's embarrassing for him to make it so obvious like that. Saying "she's here, don't keep her waiting in the cold" (and other such things. I can't remember what he said. I just know I felt embarrassed) within earshot of her and what not.
> 
> At the Christmas Dinner, half of the first table was free. I saw that she was gravitating towards sitting near the edge of the table away from everyone else. But then I had went to sit two chairs from that edge because of all the available room left. When I saw that she went to sit at the edge, I quickly took the chair one over to the right so that I'd sit next to her (I hadn't went to sit at the original seat 2 over yet but I was going to). We had some good exchanges conversation wise (keep in mind this is a group setting). In the beginning I found that she was asking me a lot of questions and I felt guilty that I wasn't asking her as many questions as she was asking me (I felt kinda tentative to ask her about her weekend, her week and what she was doing work/school-wise since I have heard from friends that she has like zero social life, unemployed and not in school. She has SA and some people are in that boat. So I didn't want to hit any sensitive spots. But then later during the night I started asking her questions about herself while she wasn't asking a whole lot of me anymore. It was hard for me to come up with questions so I eventually did have to ask about work/school and how her week was and everything.
> 
> Getting her to talk was kinda like pulling teeth. She gives a lot of closed answers and doesn't expand. Conversation killer. A girl like her probably needs an extroverted guy and asking me to be extroverted is like asking a 5'3" guy to dunk a basketball). And from my body language, I think it was dead obvious that I felt nervous about the awkward silences. She talks less than I do and that's saying something. So yeah I feel rather discouraged. All my hopes of having a sweet girl-next-door brunette Portuguese-Canadian girlfriend (who also has SA! lol) kinda out the window in an instant! lol. If we can't talk a whole lot, it's hard to be friends, let alone bf/gf right? Though yeah we did have some good exchanges and I made her laugh numerous times. But my friend told me that it seemed like a polite dinner laugh. And that she might not have actually thought that I was funny (I make people laugh all the time though).
> 
> After the Christmas Dinner, she asked us what we were doing. The gang wanted to go to Tim Hortons (Canadian big chain everyman coffee shop. It's like a Dunkin Donuts I guess. It's below Starbucks in terms of quality). She said that she was going to go head home. I had wondered if maybe she wanted to do something else but I didn't know how to press her on that. Particularly when we're just getting to know each other and it might seem awkward for me to ask her what she wants to do and break us off from the whole gang like that. So I showed her the subway (metro) station and we said bye. I didn't ask for her digits that night. It didn't feel like the right moment. I don't think it wouldn't have been crucial anyway because she sent me an email reply before from her Blackberry. So texting her is no different than emailing her anyway.
> 
> I don't know whether this could work out. And plus I don't even know if she's interested in me or whether there is potential for that (as we get to know each other more). She's going to be 32 next month. I'm 27. 4 1/2 years age difference is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. However I don't feel that age should be an issue in this case IMO. The last SA girl (lol) that I talked to was more talkative and we were able to carry a conversation for 10-15 mins when we first met and for 30 mins over a drink at a bar and also while playing pool afterwards and back at my car later. So things seemed pretty promising. Until I found out that she plays for the other team.  The last SA girl was a SA extrovert. This one is a SA introvert. And with the new girl, I feel like there might be potential there if I draw her out of her shell. Whereas with the last girl, I was crazy about her after talking with her for 10-15 mins.


She was def asking you if u were doing something. Not the group


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> She was def asking you if u were doing something. Not the group


After she asked the group, I believe she said that she would go home. And then she asked me what I was doing. And I said I was going to Tim Hortons with the group. I felt it would have been awkward for me to suggest that the two of us go split off and do our own thing because it didn't seem like we built up the necessary rapport for that. I didn't want to appear pushy or too forward with her.

The next step I guess is to ask her mid-week or something if she's going to attend our group's social meetup this coming Saturday. I had thought about asking her out to a coffee date or something. But this isn't OkCupid. This is a SA girl I met off a support group. And I don't feel the necessary rapport is there. At least not yet.

A 1 on 1 coffee date would be very awkward with her I'd think. Two introverts = lots of awkward silences. You would be forced to talk and won't have anything to fill in the awkward silences. Because you're just drinking coffee and maybe eating a little something. At the same time though, this would give us more of an opportunity to talk about more intimate matters. Like her social anxiety. Maybe even flirt with her.

My two friends who sat with us are of the opinion that I need to keep my options open and that I suffer from oneitis syndrome (I try to keep my options open. But I rarely get excited about girls. So when I see potential, I can't help but have the tendency to hone in a particular girl). They don't feel that she is the right girl for me. She's too quiet and feel that I need a more extroverted girl. At the same time, I have this gut feeling that it would work out if I drew her out of her shell. After experiencing all of those awkward silences, I feel demoralized though.

She also lives in East Etobicoke. About 26 mins/25 km from me (and about 15-16 km of that is driving on expressways HWY 403 and 401). I worry that meeting her for coffee in Etobicoke at this early stage would seem too eager on my part (she doesn't have a car so I'd feel guilty about asking that we meet half-way. Plus I'm used to driving to Toronto frequently. At least twice a week). That blonde from OkCupid felt guilty that I drove about 25 mins to see her in Clarkson. What can you do though? I can't limit myself to only dating girls that live within 20 mins of me.


----------



## Considerate

Theres a girl at my bus stop that I like. We see each other everyday but I just don't have the balls to approach her. I hate this, I bet I will end up not approaching her in the end.
Sigh


----------



## Ivan AG

Considerate said:


> Theres a girl at my bus stop that I like. We see each other everyday but I just don't have the balls to approach her. I hate this, I bet I will end up not approaching her in the end.
> Sigh


You know what you need to do.

Just approach her.

YOLO and all that shizzle.


----------



## bsd3355

having a lot of doubts today


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> having a lot of doubts today


How can *you* have doubts?

I thought you're already in the mindset, that it's only a numbers game and a matter of time before you meet someone special.


----------



## lightningstorm

I am learning how to court women, getting over my insecurities, and how to form deep connection with women.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> How can *you* have doubts?
> 
> I thought you're already in the mindset, that it's only a numbers game and a matter of time before you meet someone special.


great question! just being extra pessimistic today. yay!

i need to remember what it means to "not give a ****" again. i think college approaches softened me up a little bit and got me too comfortable and complacent. i forgot what it meant to not give a **** and approach regardless of what people think (i.e. going alone to a bar and approaching in front of everyone, going out to a public place and approaching when least expected and being direct). While this seems kind of "strange" to people who aren't in that mind state, what they don't understand is doing so is far more productive than trying to play by societal standards. there is also an element of not caring what the girl thinks, and by that i mean on the first approach, because, yes, she probably gets enough attention as it is and she's probably not really interested in getting more attention, and she probably doesn't want me to ask her out, but in the ****ing end, EVERYONE has a role to play: if you're good looking you're going to have to play the position of rejecting others more and having to deal with that and also deal with people "creeping" on you (I'm sorry, but you also get tons of benefits as well so boo hoo); whereas, if you aren't so good looking you're going to have to deal with getting dished rejection and deal with a much larger number's game..if you aren't good looking you are also going to probably have to put more energy and resources into finding someone...it's just the way it works...

THEREFORE.....

there is no"happy" place *when* you're afraid of rejection, whether that's rejecting someone or being rejected. we have NO CHOICE but to learn indifference. the faster we learn not to give a **** the faster we get success and the happier we are. if you want a girlfriend or a boyfriend you CANNOT hide from rejection, whether you are rejecting or getting rejected. we have to _learn how to be OK with that_ and everything that comes with it (approaching in front of others, etc). we have to learn not to give a ****. Finding a romantic partner is one of the RARE instances where we have to learn not to give a ****. so when you see these "pua" guys looking ridiculous and approaching like machines, or when you see simplepickup doing the same, you are probably forgetting that what they are doing is almost a necessity if you want to meet someone....there is no hiding from rejection and there is no hiding from the fact you're going to stand out and look weird to others...when we embrace and accept that then it's all good...and so it's no wonder guys who approach a lot see nothing wrong with doing so, whereas others who don't approach a lot have a problem with it....when you make up your mind you're going to find someone you realize that it's cut-throat and REAL and so the faster you learn to become indifferent the better off you'll be

so what i'm going to do is step the **** up and start doing the things i used to do which is approach in stores and in bars solo because the semester is out

*let's step the **** up, learn indifference without being *******s about it, and let's support each other!*


----------



## stoolie

Like so often I haven't had any social contact since Friday after I left work.










I've asked some friends to go out, but even if we went to some bars, there's nothing coming from it. Like I would have the balls to ask someone out, while my friends are watching.

If only I could do those cold approaches you guys are doing.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Like so often I haven't had any social contact since Friday after I left work.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I've asked some friends to go out, but even if we went to some bars, there's nothing coming from it. Like I would have the balls to ask someone out, while my friends are watching.
> 
> If only I could do those cold approaches you guys are doing.


If your friends are douchey enough to make fun of you for approaching a girl when they are way too scared to do it, then you really shouldn't put any stock into what they have to say haha. It's too bad your friends aren't the encouraging/wing-man types though. Having someone with the same mindset of wanting to approach can definitely help.

I've been in a situation where my friend was literally laughing at me and taking pictures of me while I was talking to a girl, and I admit I felt quite nervous and embarrassed at the time. But a few weeks later after I had had sex with that girl, I realized that my friend was just being a tool and I really had nothing to worry about. Don't ever be ashamed of wanting something and having the balls to go for it.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> If your friends are douchey enough to make fun of you for approaching a girl when they are way too scared to do it, then you really shouldn't put any stock into what they have to say haha. It's too bad your friends aren't the encouraging/wing-man types though.


No, no, no. I've never said that they are making fun of me.
It's more that I don't feel comfortable doing something like that in front of them. I'd rather do that in private, because it's embarrassing enough to do it in front of her.

My friends wouldn't laugh at me or take pictures. In fact, one of my friends even approached a girl one time, when we were out together.

But other than that I've never experienced that a friend of mine flirted with someone or tried to ask them out.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> No, no, no. I've never said that they are making fun of me.
> It's more that I don't feel comfortable doing something like that in front of them. I'd rather do that in private, because it's embarrassing enough to do it in front of her.
> 
> My friends wouldn't laugh at me or take pictures. In fact, one of my friends even approached a girl one time, when we were out together.
> 
> But other than that I've never experienced that a friend of mine flirted with someone or tried to ask them out.


Hmm..I feel like it's far easier to approach a girl if you have a group of non-judgmental friends with you like you do. This way, even if you get rejected, you can go back to the group of guys and talk about your experience. When you're alone and you get rejected, you can't talk it through with anyone. You're just left there by yourself to ponder what just happened. Very helpful to have a support system (unless you use it as a crutch, but it definitely helps in the beginning).


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Hmm..I feel like it's far easier to approach a girl if you have a group of non-judgmental friends with you like you do. This way, even if you get rejected, you can go back to the group of guys and talk about your experience. When you're alone and you get rejected, you can't talk it through with anyone. You're just left there by yourself to ponder what just happened. Very helpful to have a support system (unless you use it as a crutch, but it definitely helps in the beginning).


Hmm, I've never tried it actually, but I imagine that it would be easier to approach a girl without my friends knowledge. I wouldn't really feel comfortable talking it over with my friends after I failed.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Hmm, I've never tried it actually, but I imagine that it would be easier to approach a girl without my friends knowledge. I wouldn't really feel comfortable talking it over with my friends after I failed.


Interesting. You really put a lot of stock in their opinions, which is good I suppose. But I'm telling you, they will have nothing but respect for you if you're going up to girls like a boss, rejection or not.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> Interesting. You really put a lot of stock in their opinions, which is good I suppose. But I'm telling you, they will have nothing but respect for you if you're going up to girls like a boss, rejection or not.


I was also very surprised that my friend went for it and approached this girl. And even though he failed I was really impressed, because I've never done something like that.


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## bsd3355

When I was in the mindset of a higher level of indifference I remember taking a friend out with me to St. Patrick's Day at some bars. He kept telling me what I was doing was weird and that girls didn't like me, etc., but I ended up with four numbers and a couple opportunities where a couple girls I could of went home with--it wasn't even my intention to go home with a girl, but rather talk to lots of girls and get numbers. I actually did go home with one because me and my friend were really drunk and because I got her number I called her up that same night and asked if she would mind giving us a ride back to my house if I gave her gas money. I invited her in and the rest was history. She really liked me too. Beforehand, my friend kept saying what I was doing was so weird and girls didn't want to talk to me but as the night went on he got more to drink and all the sudden now HE'S the one trying to talk to the girls I'm talking to...I even tried to get girls to like him but he was being an idiot so it didn't really work well for him... I actually still have that "report" on the RSD forums earlier this year where it breaks everything down in detail

strange how things work


----------



## Ivan AG

Hmm, it's tough to keep going sometimes when everyone around you is like "What are you doing man? Stop being so weird.".

It's like they've never experienced the reality of approaching women so the concept is crazy and "weird".

It's part of the social conditioning one has to break through, I guess.


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## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> Hmm, it's tough to keep going sometimes when everyone around you is like "What are you doing man? Stop being so weird.".
> 
> It's like they've never experienced the reality of approaching women so the concept is crazy and "weird".
> 
> It's part of the social conditioning one has to break through, I guess.


I think a lot of people want to hold on to the idea that they should approach in certain instances (online dating [even that was weird at one time, remember], friends, work, etc.), but when you really think about it, if you're just approaching in certain instances then you're cutting down your chances by a large percentage. People also attach a negative stigma to "pua" stuff righteously so in some instances, so when they hear of guys approaching girls a lot they associate that stigma with it.


----------



## rymo

Yeh I've stopped caring about when and where I approach a long time ago (as far as how it looks to other people). And guess what? I'm still alive


----------



## bsd3355

^Honestly, I won't lie, I still care about approaching in certain instances, but I know it's something I can overcome if I focus on it. Like I said, I also rationalize it's beneficial to me. 

*EDIT* It's beneficial to me if I face my fears is what I meant to say


----------



## AussiePea

Went on another 1st date last Sat and it went really well, we share a lot of interests yadda yadda. She seemed interested to meet again so I called on the Monday twice but both went to voicemail. Sent a message wishing her a good day etc which she replied to with a generic short response followed by "have a nice week". Sent another message replying to that asking a general question about her week (keep conversation flowing) but didn't hear back since.

I do wish people would grow the balls (lawl) to let the other know they are not interested instead of doing so with hints but never making it clear. Anyway, that's 4 dates now but nothing of any real success, suppose I should keep trying!


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> ^Honestly, I won't lie, I still care about approaching in certain instances, but I know it's something I can overcome if I focus on it. Like I said, I also rationalize it's beneficial to me.


Yeah that's one of my biggest issues with approaching.


----------



## ImSorry

I have a hard time talking to women/girls, but in school this past semester I talked to 3 different girls. None of the engagements went too well. I enjoy nerdy things (comics, games, computers, punk rock) so I typically talk to girls who show an interest in things I like. The first girl, the first time I noticed her was on the way to class (we parked in the same area of the parking lot). I always get thrown for a loop now-a-days because girls sometimes were stuff that is trendy, regardless if they actually like the thing. I saw her wearing a Batman shirt, and not just the bat logo, it was comic style art with Batman and Bane on it. So I struck up a convo about something I thought we had in common. I was honest and told her I thought she was beautiful. Now she parks on the other side of campus. I'll have to post about the other 2 later, thinking about the first is making me frustrated right now. So there is one thing I did to try and get the girl! :clap


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Went on another 1st date last Sat and it went really well, we share a lot of interests yadda yadda. She seemed interested to meet again so I called on the Monday twice but both went to voicemail. Sent a message wishing her a good day etc which she replied to with a generic short response followed by "have a nice week". Sent another message replying to that asking a general question about her week (keep conversation flowing) but didn't hear back since.
> 
> I do wish people would grow the balls (lawl) to let the other know they are not interested instead of doing so with hints but never making it clear. Anyway, that's 4 dates now but nothing of any real success, suppose I should keep trying!


Text her that

Have the balls to tell me ur not interested


----------



## AussiePea

Zeeshan said:


> Text her that
> 
> Have the balls to tell me ur not interested


errr no, I'm not going to start an unnecessary confrontation with no benefit from it.


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> Text her that
> 
> Have the balls to tell me ur not interested


I disagree with this as well. Best to just move on. Saying something like that just shows desperation and accomplishes nothing. This happens ALL the time. Guys do it to girls as well. Right or wrong, it's just the way of the world.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Well, she's gone, back to Europe. This was the most intense, emotional, cathartic week and a half of my life. We had sex almost every night and every morning, went on a date almost every night, and were generally around each other all the time. At first there was a tacit understanding between us that this would only be a fling, but we started to like each other (of course) and she is pushing to keep in touch. I really like her so I'm down with keeping contact, but this distance is a killer, so I'm not expecting anything and I'll take anything happening as purely a bonus. I'm very glad all this happened. Finally having sex (and with a beautiful girl) has given me tons of confidence. She was my first girlfriend, however shortlived, and I loved going to the movies with her, holding her hand, kissing her in public, and all that couple stuff. Best part was that she is very womanly, intelligent, mature, etc., so I felt like she was someone worth impressing, and it was fun to make her feel good. The best physical experience was being in bed naked with her, holding her. T'was phenomenal.

Today I drove her to the airport, gave her a love letter when we parted and told her to read it on the plane. Turns out she missed her flight, so I went back to reunite with her before she took a later flight, and found her in tears from reading the letter. (It was one hell of a letter.) We embraced, and spent the next three hours hanging out in the airport, eating, cuddling, kissing. It was the best time I spent with her. I'm going to miss her.


----------



## bsd3355

PaysageDHiver said:


> Well, she's gone, back to Europe. This was the most intense, emotional, cathartic week and a half of my life. We had sex almost every night and every morning, went on a date almost every night, and were generally around each other all the time. At first there was a tacit understanding between us that this would only be a fling, but we started to like each other (of course) and she is pushing to keep in touch. I really like her so I'm down with keeping contact, but this distance is a killer, so I'm not expecting anything and I'll take anything happening as purely a bonus. I'm very glad all this happened. Finally having sex (and with a beautiful girl) has given me tons of confidence. She was my first girlfriend, however shortlived, and I loved going to the movies with her, holding her hand, kissing her in public, and all that couple stuff. Best part was that she is very womanly, intelligent, mature, etc., so I felt like she was someone worth impressing, and it was fun to make her feel good. The best physical experience was being in bed naked with her, holding her. T'was phenomenal.
> 
> Today I drove her to the airport, gave her a love letter when we parted and told her to read it on the plane. Turns out she missed her flight, so I went back to reunite with her before she took a later flight, and found her in tears from reading the letter. (It was one hell of a letter.) We embraced, and spent the next three hours hanging out in the airport, eating, cuddling, kissing. It was the best time I spent with her. I'm going to miss her.


kind of crazy when you actually like a girl and she likes you back, huh? lol.


----------



## ImSorry

PaysageDHiver said:


> Well, she's gone, back to Europe. This was the most intense, emotional, cathartic week and a half of my life. We had sex almost every night and every morning, went on a date almost every night, and were generally around each other all the time. At first there was a tacit understanding between us that this would only be a fling, but we started to like each other (of course) and she is pushing to keep in touch. I really like her so I'm down with keeping contact, but this distance is a killer, so I'm not expecting anything and I'll take anything happening as purely a bonus. I'm very glad all this happened. Finally having sex (and with a beautiful girl) has given me tons of confidence. She was my first girlfriend, however shortlived, and I loved going to the movies with her, holding her hand, kissing her in public, and all that couple stuff. Best part was that she is very womanly, intelligent, mature, etc., so I felt like she was someone worth impressing, and it was fun to make her feel good. The best physical experience was being in bed naked with her, holding her. T'was phenomenal.
> 
> Today I drove her to the airport, gave her a love letter when we parted and told her to read it on the plane. Turns out she missed her flight, so I went back to reunite with her before she took a later flight, and found her in tears from reading the letter. (It was one hell of a letter.) We embraced, and spent the next three hours hanging out in the airport, eating, cuddling, kissing. It was the best time I spent with her. I'm going to miss her.


Man that is awesome,(not that she left but that you got to enjoy someone so deeply like that) color me jealous. What ever color that is.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Want to get in state? Read a bwidger post. 

I gave a visit to town a miss today as we had a family dinner. It'll be interesting to see how the week pans out and what my mindset is like come Friday. I'm determined to hit the big city at one point before then. 

As a side note, I feel like the meditation is playing a massive part in my recent productiveness. It's only been three weeks so it sounds a little silly, but the clarity of thought is super impressive. As such, I've added another 20 minute session to the day.


----------



## Zeeshan

PaysageDHiver said:


> Well, she's gone, back to Europe. This was the most intense, emotional, cathartic week and a half of my life. We had sex almost every night and every morning, went on a date almost every night, and were generally around each other all the time. At first there was a tacit understanding between us that this would only be a fling, but we started to like each other (of course) and she is pushing to keep in touch. I really like her so I'm down with keeping contact, but this distance is a killer, so I'm not expecting anything and I'll take anything happening as purely a bonus. I'm very glad all this happened. Finally having sex (and with a beautiful girl) has given me tons of confidence. She was my first girlfriend, however shortlived, and I loved going to the movies with her, holding her hand, kissing her in public, and all that couple stuff. Best part was that she is very womanly, intelligent, mature, etc., so I felt like she was someone worth impressing, and it was fun to make her feel good. The best physical experience was being in bed naked with her, holding her. T'was phenomenal.
> 
> Today I drove her to the airport, gave her a love letter when we parted and told her to read it on the plane. Turns out she missed her flight, so I went back to reunite with her before she took a later flight, and found her in tears from reading the letter. (It was one hell of a letter.) We embraced, and spent the next three hours hanging out in the airport, eating, cuddling, kissing. It was the best time I spent with her. I'm going to miss her.


Wow how beautiful.
.

.
No ****


----------



## Sourdog

^
lol


----------



## Ivan AG

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Want to get in state? Read a bwidger post.
> 
> I gave a visit to town a miss today as we had a family dinner. It'll be interesting to see how the week pans out and what my mindset is like come Friday. I'm determined to hit the big city at one point before then.
> 
> As a side note, I feel like the meditation is playing a massive part in my recent productiveness. It's only been three weeks so it sounds a little silly, but the clarity of thought is super impressive. As such, I've added another 20 minute session to the day.


Ah, meditation.

How do you do your daily meditation? Do you keep your eyes open?


----------



## Considerate

Ivan AG said:


> You know what you need to do.
> 
> Just approach her.
> 
> YOLO and all that shizzle.


Lol I mean, I would approach her but she is always with her friend. If I try to cut in between I will seem like a bad guy making her friend feel left out.

I don't know what to do


----------



## rymo

Considerate said:


> Lol I mean, I would approach her but she is always with her friend. If I try to cut in between I will seem like a bad guy making her friend feel left out.
> 
> I don't know what to do


When dealing with a friend you have to include both of them in the interaction. Eventually, when they're both smiling and having a good time, you can single out the one you like by pulling her aside, but it just won't work until you have the friend's approval.

This is both a good and a bad thing. Obviously it's much more intimidating talking to two girls instead of one, but the upside is that you look like a total boss if you actually go for it. Watch some simplepickup videos on youtube to see examples of guys approaching 2+ girls at once.


----------



## Considerate

rymo said:


> When dealing with a friend you have to include both of them in the interaction. Eventually, when they're both smiling and having a good time, you can single out the one you like by pulling her aside, but it just won't work until you have the friend's approval.
> 
> This is both a good and a bad thing. Obviously it's much more intimidating talking to two girls instead of one, but the upside is that you look like a total boss if you actually go for it. Watch some simplepickup videos on youtube to see examples of guys approaching 2+ girls at once.


Yeah I've seen some videos of it.

Also, it's difficult for me to have a conversation with them both because her friend is really quiet. When I make just eye contact with the girl I like my SA goes out of control. Now having to talk to both of them at the same time...that's a lot :um. Keeping the girl I like intrested and keeping her friend included aswell. Man, this is going to be tough :|

One of my friends at my bus stop just texted me not so long ago saying that he thinks her friend may actually be her sister. They don't even look a like though...:sus


----------



## rymo

Considerate said:


> Yeah I've seen some videos of it.
> 
> Also, it's difficult for me to have a conversation with them both because her friend is really quiet. When I make just eye contact with the girl I like my SA goes out of control. Now having to talk to both of them at the same time...that's a lot :um. Keeping the girl I like intrested and keeping her friend included aswell. Man, this is going to be tough :|
> 
> One of my friends at my bus stop just texted me not so long ago saying that he thinks her friend may actually be her sister. They don't even look a like though...:sus


There you go, there's something to talk about right there. Sisters and not looking anything alike.


----------



## Considerate

rymo said:


> There you go, there's something to talk about right there. Sisters and not looking anything alike.


Ohh...looks like I have something to talk about now.

Now all I need are just the guts to approach her...my god I hate feeling so anxious.


----------



## rymo

Considerate said:


> Ohh...looks like I have something to talk about now.
> 
> Now all I need are just the guts to approach her...my god I hate feeling so anxious.


Yeh...it sucks. Just know that SA or not, approaching girls is a nerve-wracking experience. You're not alone. Best bet is to try and detach yourself from the outcome as much as possible and have a good time with it. Worst that happens is you gain some experience talking to girls. We're behind you 110%! You got this man.


----------



## Considerate

rymo said:


> Yeh...it sucks. Just know that SA or not, approaching girls is a nerve-wracking experience. You're not alone. Best bet is to try and detach yourself from the outcome as much as possible and have a good time with it. Worst that happens is you gain some experience talking to girls. We're behind you 110%! You got this man.


Thanks dude 

Alright, now I feel motivated. Let's see how I perform tomorrow morning. I'll let you know


----------



## Ivan AG

Considerate said:


> Thanks dude
> 
> Alright, now I feel motivated. Let's see how I perform tomorrow morning. I'll let you know


Good luck, boss!

Relax and enjoy the convo.


----------



## phoenixwright

I just sent her the coffee date invite. I was very direct, even saying that it would be my treat with a smiley face (oh god! lol). As soon as it finished sending, I immediately regretted it. lol. I feel naked. I don't like putting myself in this position. I'm afraid she's going to be spooked by me and that I've ****ed things up. And if she says yes, I'll become ecstatic but also insanely nervous at the same time.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I just sent her the coffee date invite. I was very direct, even saying that it would be my treat with a smiley face (oh god! lol). As soon as it finished sending, I immediately regretted it. lol. I feel naked. I don't like putting myself in this position. I'm afraid she's going to be spooked by me and that I've ****ed things up. And if she says yes, I'll become ecstatic but also insanely nervous at the same time.


It's good. You're expanding your reality and comfort zone and gaining experience even with the littlest of things. All these things add up later to equal confidence. Awesome! GL


----------



## bsd3355

*Went out to the mall; why we feel the way we do; motivation, etc.*

Alright, so I've literally been sitting in my house for nearly a week staying up all night and sleeping in all day because the semester had ended (I did work Saturday though). Sitting and doing nothing becomes incredibly old and boring fast and it also has a tendency to build up my anxiousness, so I decided to go to the mall and maybe talk to some girls today.

I got there and I was full of pent up energy and felt kind of on edge from not interacting with the world for a while, but I knew I should go out anyway--I view it like releasing negative energy and bringing me back to center in a way. Didn't really talk to any girls but it was nice anyway to get out of the house. I bought some cool shoes . A couple of girls at the shoe store I saw briefly and thought about approaching but the left while I was trying on the new shoes. I saw a couple others in some stores but didn't approach. It still felt good to get out of the house and it reminded me how important it is to be active and experience life rather than doing unnatural things sitting around for a week in my house staring at a computer screen and playing Black OPs 2 all freakin' day from boredom. Things weren't always as easy for humans as it is today--actually day and night difference--and so I feel like as humans, who are meant to be striving or facing challenges, it is not healthy to become complacent. Sit too long in a house without having any challenges or without striving for anything and we become anxious and dissatisfied with life to a degree. We need stimulation because it's in our DNA to always be striving and never in the history of our species have things been so easy we simply sit around all day! We are not built for that!

Anyway...

One pretty awesome thing I saw driving up to the mall was that for some reason the local college had students walking around campus!? SWEEEEETTTT. That's like my bread and butter, and I almost stopped but figured I didn't have a warm enough jacket and I was already planning on going to the mall so I said "tomorrow". I will be going out tomorrow.

People talk a lot about "moving at your own pace" when you're expanding your comfort zone, and I believe this is pretty important. If, for instance, you never socialize with the outside world then I can almost guarantee you're going to be uptight, nervous/anxious, not too confident, probably not too optimistic, etc., but main thing to take from that is that IT'S NORMAL to feel that way not because you are weird, but because it's human nature dictated by biology to fall into different emotions and head-spaces depending on WHAT YOU DO, which in turn also affects what you think. Therefore, you can't say to yourself, "I'm this way or that way concretely because how I_ feel_ at this moment"; instead, you should be more realistic and say, "I feel this way now understandably given what's going on in my life at the moment, BUT I also know that I can move beyond how I feel by taking action and changing my thoughts", and both taking action and changing your thoughts work together in the sense that they propel each other either forward or backward; optimally forward, of course.

Knowing that I'm in a certain head-space, I know I may need to take baby steps for a couple days to work up my confidence and just to ease my anxious energy. This is how we all should view going about challenges. For some of us it's going to take longer and for some of us it's not. This is what some people call "social momentum" (RSD) or, on a further extreme, "God mode" (simplepickup), etc. We are not one feeling and our feelings do not define us completely. _ Our feelings are like our inner-compasses usually indicating what we need_, but they are NOT who we are because we are a complex species of emotions/feelings and attitudes. When you're in a bad head-space you should ask yourself what you're currently doing that has you in that head-space, and inversely, when you are in a good head-space you should ask what you've done or what you're doing that makes you feel the way you do. I personally believe that when we feel good it means we are living optimally via our human biology. Everything in life is about surviving optimally, and when we are at least on par with that level of survival our bodies reward us by flooding us with good chemicals to keep us living that level of survival because it's beneficial to us. Inversely, when we feel bad our body is telling us we should probably be doing something better to increase our survival. Back when we were "cavemen" and women, we couldn't just sit around all day and survive and our bodies needed a way to motivate us to do things or else we'd parish; thus, it developed ways via chemical doses to our brains/body to either reward or punish/motivate us. If you don't believe me, read up on this **** and find out the truth for yourself, or simply listen acutely to what your body tells you day to day and you'll get a greater idea of what it's trying to do to help you survive optimally.

It's also interesting to note why we feel better, even after a rejection, when we finally approached that girl we've been thinking about and getting anxious about, as an example--it's because our body is probably rewarding us for not being complacent and in some sense increasing our chances to either replicate or survive in some sense. While you may not comprehend it, our bodies already know what's good for us. As humans, it kind of makes sense why, after convincing ourselves that rejection really isn't that bad, we can learn to appreciate our efforts regardless of the outcome approaching women. Nowadays, I almost always feel better taking action when I want something rather than doing nothing, and I think this is a subconscious thing dictated by years and years of evolution. I feel so much better just going out today to the mall without even approaching than I did sitting at home for a week straight--so much better!


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> Alright, so I've literally been sitting in my house for nearly a week staying up all night and sleeping in all day because the semester had ended (I did work Saturday though). Sitting and doing nothing becomes incredibly old and boring fast and it also has a tendency to build up my anxiousness, so I decided to go to the mall and maybe talk to some girls today.
> 
> I got there and I was full of pent up energy and felt kind of on edge from not interacting with the world for a while, but I knew I should go out anyway--I view it like releasing negative energy and bringing me back to center in a way. Didn't really talk to any girls but it was nice anyway to get out of the house. I bought some cool shoes . A couple of girls at the shoe store I saw briefly and thought about approaching but the left while I was trying on the new shoes. I saw a couple others in some stores but didn't approach. It still felt good to get out of the house and it reminded me how important it is to be active and experience life rather than doing unnatural things sitting around for a week in my house staring at a computer screen and playing Black OPs 2 all freakin' day from boredom. Things weren't always as easy for humans as it is today--actually day and night difference--and so I feel like as humans, who are meant to be striving or facing challenges, it is not healthy to become complacent. Sit too long in a house without having any challenges or without striving for anything and we become anxious and dissatisfied with life to a degree. We need stimulation because it's in our DNA to always be striving and never in the history of our species have things been so easy we simply sit around all day! We are not built for that!
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> One pretty awesome thing I saw driving up to the mall was that for some reason the local college had students walking around campus!? SWEEEEETTTT. That's like my bread and butter, and I almost stopped but figured I didn't have a warm enough jacket and I was already planning on going to the mall so I said "tomorrow". I will be going out tomorrow.
> 
> People talk a lot about "moving at your own pace" when you're expanding your comfort zone, and I believe this is pretty important. If, for instance, you never socialize with the outside world then I can almost guarantee you're going to be uptight, nervous/anxious, not too confident, probably not too optimistic, etc., but main thing to take from that is that IT'S NORMAL to feel that way not because you are weird, but because it's human nature dictated by biology to fall into different emotions and head-spaces depending on WHAT YOU DO, which in turn also affects what you think. Therefore, you can't say to yourself, "I'm this way or that way concretely because how I_ feel_ at this moment"; instead, you should be more realistic and say, "I feel this way now understandably given what's going on in my life at the moment, BUT I also know that I can move beyond how I feel by taking action and changing my thoughts", and both taking action and changing your thoughts work together in the sense that they propel each other either forward or backward; optimally forward, of course.
> 
> Knowing that I'm in a certain head-space, I know I may need to take baby steps for a couple days to work up my confidence and just to ease my anxious energy. This is how we all should view going about challenges. For some of us it's going to take longer and for some of us it's not. This is what some people call "social momentum" (RSD) or, on a further extreme, "God mode" (simplepickup), etc. We are not one feeling and our feelings do not define us completely. _Our feelings are like our inner-compasses usually indicating what we need_, but they are NOT who we are because we are a complex species of emotions/feelings and attitudes. When you're in a bad head-space you should ask yourself what you're currently doing that has you in that head-space, and inversely, when you are in a good head-space you should ask what you've done or what you're doing that makes you feel the way you do. I personally believe that when we feel good it means we are living optimally via our human biology. Everything in life is about surviving optimally, and when we are at least on par with that level of survival our bodies reward us by flooding us with good chemicals to keep us living that level of survival because it's beneficial to us. Inversely, when we feel bad our body is telling us we should probably be doing something better to increase our survival. Back when we were "cavemen" and women, we couldn't just sit around all day and survive and our bodies needed a way to motivate us to do things or else we'd parish; thus, it developed ways via chemical doses to our brains/body to either reward or punish/motivate us. If you don't believe me, read up on this **** and find out the truth for yourself, or simply listen acutely to what your body tells you day to day and you'll get a greater idea of what it's trying to do to help you survive optimally.
> 
> It's also interesting to note why we feel better, even after a rejection, when we finally approached that girl we've been thinking about and getting anxious about, as an example--it's because our body is probably rewarding us for not being complacent and in some sense increasing our chances to either replicate or survive in some sense. While you may not comprehend it, our bodies already know what's good for us. As humans, it kind of makes sense why, after convincing ourselves that rejection really isn't that bad, we can learn to appreciate our efforts regardless of the outcome approaching women. Nowadays, I almost always feel better taking action when I want something rather than doing nothing, and I think this is a subconscious thing dictated by years and years of evolution. I feel so much better just going out today to the mall without even approaching than I did sitting at home for a week straight--so much better!


 Man you should write a book or something, YOU KNOW SO MUCH!! Also props on going out, it takes so much effort for me to get out of the house if i dont have school or work on that day.


----------



## pete24

Online dating stuff again...

3 new girls sending me messages 1st. 2 were very long messages so clearly keen.

If people are keen with online dating, I really urge you to join "badoo"... Been the best success so far. Joined a month ago... since then:

87 who want to "meet me" (23 "mutual attractions")
7 added me as a fave
16 women who msg'd me 1st
4 added to FB
A few numbers received


worth a go!!!


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Online dating stuff again...
> 
> 3 new girls sending me messages 1st. 2 were very long messages so clearly keen.
> 
> If people are keen with online dating, I really urge you to join "badoo"... Been the best success so far. Joined a month ago... since then:
> 
> 87 who want to "meet me" (23 "mutual attractions")
> 7 added me as a fave
> 16 women who msg'd me 1st
> 4 added to FB
> A few numbers received
> 
> worth a go!!!


nioce dude. never heard of it before


----------



## komorikun

You guys might want to bring a dog with you when you hit on chicks. I was watching this video and they did this experiment where this cute guy hits on women in the mall. Tries to get their number and arrange a date for later. He had a 10% hit rate without the dog and a 30% hit rate with the dog.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/dog-people-cat-people-science-pets_n_1594909.html

Can see it at 3:00


----------



## phoenixwright

No reply yet from the girl. She has at the very least got back to me the same day I would email her up until now (usually late at night). The time I ask her out on a date is the time she doesn't reply the same day. Gee I wonder why. Either she read my email and is extremely anxious in this type of situation (she has SA and worse SA than me. She told me that practically all social situations give her some level of social anxiety. I'd imagine that talking to a guy who has a crush on her would be one of the more stressful social situations) or she isn't interested. She has a Blackberry and her email account is attached to it so it is very doubtful she didn't check her email.

I was worried that this would exactly happen. Spooking her away.


----------



## Ivan AG

komorikun said:


> You guys might want to bring a dog with you when you hit on chicks. I was watching this video and they did this experiment where this cute guy hits on women in the mall. Tries to get their number and arrange a date for later. He had a 10% hit rate without the dog and a 30% hit rate with the dog.
> 
> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/dog-people-cat-people-science-pets_n_1594909.html
> 
> Can see it at 3:00


No thanks.

I prefer to sarge with a Siberian tiger by my side.


----------



## rymo

komorikun said:


> You guys might want to bring a dog with you when you hit on chicks. I was watching this video and they did this experiment where this cute guy hits on women in the mall. Tries to get their number and arrange a date for later. He had a 10% hit rate without the dog and a 30% hit rate with the dog.
> 
> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/dog-people-cat-people-science-pets_n_1594909.html
> 
> Can see it at 3:00


I've been considering bringing my dog to this new dog park they opened in my town for (mainly) that reason. I think it's a great idea.


----------



## feverfew

How would one approach women in a store? These are the only places I get to see women


----------



## rymo

feverfew said:


> How would one approach women in a store? These are the only places I get to see women


Same as any other place. In my mind that's either "hey I thought you were cute and I just had to say hi" or noting something interesting/funny about your surroundings ("that cashier is nuts, huh?").


----------



## Ivan AG

rymo said:


> Same as any other place. In my mind that's either "hey I thought you were cute and I just had to say hi" or noting something interesting/funny about your surroundings ("that cashier is nuts, huh?").


Has this ever happened to you, like when you say "I thought you looked cute", and the girl just kinda looks at you weird and walks away?


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> Has this ever happened to you, like when you say "I thought you looked cute", and the girl just kinda looks at you weird and walks away?


Of course, mostly at night. Not sure about the day. I don't do a lot of day approaches but the worst I've gotten is probably a "thanks" and then she walks away.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> You guys might want to bring a dog with you when you hit on chicks. I was watching this video and they did this experiment where this cute guy hits on women in the mall. Tries to get their number and arrange a date for later. He had a 10% hit rate without the dog and a 30% hit rate with the dog.
> 
> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/dog-people-cat-people-science-pets_n_1594909.html
> 
> Can see it at 3:00


haha, maybe i should bring a Pomeranian with me? jk


----------



## Considerate

Ivan AG said:


> Good luck, boss!
> 
> Relax and enjoy the convo.


My God dude. Out of all the days, I did not see her today. I have to wait til tomorrow now:rain:cry


----------



## rymo

Considerate said:


> My God dude. Out of all the days, I did not see her today. I have to wait til tomorrow now:rain:cry


All good  Focus on other stuff for now so you're not constantly thinking about it and psyching yourself out, then tomorrow pounce.


----------



## Considerate

rymo said:


> All good  Focus on other stuff for now so you're not constantly thinking about it and psyching yourself out, then tomorrow pounce.


True that. 

Time to go play some PS3


----------



## ybnormyl

pete24 said:


> Online dating stuff again...
> 
> 3 new girls sending me messages 1st. 2 were very long messages so clearly keen.
> 
> If people are keen with online dating, I really urge you to join "badoo"... Been the best success so far. Joined a month ago... since then:
> 
> 87 who want to "meet me" (23 "mutual attractions")
> 7 added me as a fave
> 16 women who msg'd me 1st
> 4 added to FB
> A few numbers received
> 
> worth a go!!!


This looked like a cool site so i signed up. Then I saw the "popularity" meter and I busted out laughing. I'm not holding my breath for anything but I'll try this out at least.


----------



## stoolie

pete24 said:


> If people are keen with online dating, I really urge you to join "badoo"... Been the best success so far.


Wow. There's a lot going on on this site and I have no idea why.
Much more than on okcupid or pof.
Thanks for the tip


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## Barette

Oh my gosh, I made it like 3 seconds into his first approach before I felt anxiety for him and had to stop it. I mean, I'm like feeling such anxiety right now. Do they have a good success rate with that?


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> Oh my gosh, I made it like 3 seconds into his first approach before I felt anxiety for him and had to stop it. I mean, I'm like feeling such anxiety right now. Do they have a good success rate with that?


What the actual % of approaches that turn into dates is is anyone's guess, but they consistently have around 5 dates a week, so they're doing pretty well for themselves.


----------



## Barette

That's a lot more than I would've thought.


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> Oh my gosh, I made it like 3 seconds into his first approach before I felt anxiety for him and had to stop it. I mean, I'm like feeling such anxiety right now. Do they have a good success rate with that?


it just takes time getting used to then it's not so bad at all. it actually can be quite fun


----------



## Barette

bwidger85 said:


> it just takes time getting used to then it's not so bad at all. it actually can be quite fun


I can see how it would be

That guy's pretty ballsy, joking about deep throat and pulling up a chair to a girl on the phone.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Are the chicks u guys approach at least somewhat good looking...?"


----------



## rymo

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Are the chicks u guys approach at least somewhat good looking...?"


I don't do it all that much but I wouldn't waste my time approaching someone I wasn't attracted to (unless it was just for conversation or some other innocent purpose). I consider my standards fairly high so I would say absolutely, yes.


----------



## bsd3355

i'm always on the look out for motivation to meet girls. i can't deny one of the most primal reasons is for sex. i haven't had any motivation at all lately and that kind of gets to me for some reason, and then I see a pic of an attractive girl, or i'll see a girl posing a certain way and all that lack of motivation gets flooded with motivation.

this isn't to say I don't appreciate women for who they are, but i can't deny that sometimes my main motivation is sex. honestly, i wish i understood that better growing up because i think i was at odds with that because i thought it was wrong or something. obviously, when you get to know someone the motivation isn't just sex anymore, but i just find it to be brutally honest that that's what is motivating to me at this moment. it's that kind of motivation that will get me out the house and rejected over and over again. when i see a girl that gets me thinking crazy things i get really motivated. i realize it's a normal response for a heterosexual male, but for some reason i find it kind of strange how that's my only motivation sometimes. anyone kind of understand where i'm coming from?


----------



## bsd3355

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Are the chicks u guys approach at least somewhat good looking...?"


i have no motivation to talk to girls i don't find attractive. i don't have any motivation to make friends with people in general usually so i have to find a girl attractive to me


----------



## phoenixwright

It's been over 24 hours since I sent that coffee date invite email to that SA girl and still didn't hear back from her. It's unlike her to not reply within a day. Even if I send her an email early in the day, she replies at night. This feeling is just eating me inside because I don't know what she's thinking. Since I have SA, my default interpretation is that she's not interested. However she has SA too, more severe than myself (she had mentioned that she feels social anxiety in practically every social situation. And she's not working, going to school only part-time, etc.) So it's possible that she might think I'm cute and fun to talk to (I made her laugh a whole lot at the christmas dinner). But going on a date is something that would make a girl with SA, especially more than a mild form of SA, very anxious. So that is a possibility. She might think that I'll judge her because of her situation and think she's boring because she doesn't talk that much. If she just wasn't interested period, it would be a relief because I could just move on. 

However if it's more so that she's anxious, this complicates things and make things frustrating. I don't know how girls with SA (unless it's mild?) manage to get boyfriends with ease it appears. A girl may be pretty but if she doesn't talk much, where's the opportunity to form a connection?


----------



## bsd3355

^I'm one to believe that if someone is interested enough they will keep contact. If she wanted to date you she would. Whether that's because she has SA or not, it's practically the same thing in that she's not as interested (probably) as she should be. But you could always try again in a couple days and if she still doesn't' respond then move on.


----------



## Sourdog

Do any of you take random walks around ur town or neighbourhood to randomly approach girls, because I think I may do that tomorrow or atleast say some hi's and make eye contact.


----------



## phoenixwright

She said yes! Haha! She defined it as "hanging out" though. Her SA is pretty bad and I have to be honest, the whole "date" label does add an extra element of pressure. I noticed that when I "hung out" with a girl during the summer, things went a lot better than the girls I've went on dates with recently (I also liked the girl I hung out with a hell of a lot more. That has something to do with it! But yet I felt less nervous and awkward talking to her. Because it wasn't defined as a date.


----------



## feverfew

phoenixwright said:


> She said yes! Haha! She defined it as "hanging out" though. Her SA is pretty bad and I have to be honest, the whole "date" label does add an extra element of pressure. I noticed that when I "hung out" with a girl during the summer, things went a lot better than the girls I've went on dates with recently (I also liked the girl I hung out with a hell of a lot more. That has something to do with it! But yet I felt less nervous and awkward talking to her. Because it wasn't defined as a date.


:clap Hey, Great news! :yay

That reminds me of one time when I asked this girl out. She said yes but defined it as a "hang out" as well, and she wanted to bring her little brother (who was like 14 or 15) :no

I thought this was weird so I ended up backing out. Come to find out, she does this with all guys including her now fiance. :roll


----------



## Barette

^Haha yeah, I'll stop derailing this with my dad's awesomeness of his youth. I might even delete the comments cause I feel silly putting them in here now, so you might look like you were randomly talking to no one about your dad, tbyrfan, lol.


----------



## tbyrfan

^ Deleted mine, too late.


----------



## Barette

Haha damn, I'm just gonna delete mine then. 

All y'all who frequent this thread can ignore this and move on, lol, sorry for interrupting XD


----------



## rymo

Weirdos


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> She said yes! Haha! She defined it as "hanging out" though. Her SA is pretty bad and I have to be honest, the whole "date" label does add an extra element of pressure. I noticed that when I "hung out" with a girl during the summer, things went a lot better than the girls I've went on dates with recently (I also liked the girl I hung out with a hell of a lot more. That has something to do with it! But yet I felt less nervous and awkward talking to her. Because it wasn't defined as a date.


sounds good man. i never say "date" when i go on a date with a girl. i almost always say "hang out" or "do something" or invite her somewhere. i don't think it's necessary at all to say "date" specifically


----------



## Considerate

rymo said:


> All good  Focus on other stuff for now so you're not constantly thinking about it and psyching yourself out, then tomorrow pounce.


Well, she arrived at the bus stop late. I said "Hey" as she passed by then I got a "hey" in return and a kiss on the cheek from her and her sister. Right when she arrived the bus came so there was no time for small chat.


----------



## stoolie

Man I feel so gutted again. There was an absolute stunner at the Christmas market this time and as always I just walked past her.

I've yet to find some form of motivation to get over my approach anxiety. 

The general feeling of sadness and loneliness after such a missed opportunity is still not enough.


----------



## Brandeezy

Back to square one. I don't think that girl from the grocery store is coming back anytime soon. Maybe i'll try POF again but I know it'll end in disappointment


----------



## Shinichi

stoolie said:


> Man I feel so gutted again. There was an absolute stunner at the Christmas market this time and as always I just walked past her.
> 
> I've yet to find some form of motivation to get over my approach anxiety.
> 
> The general feeling of sadness and loneliness after such a missed opportunity is still not enough.


Some of you guys here make me a bit sick.


----------



## stoolie

Shinichi said:


> Some of you guys here make me a bit sick.


Why? I'm just honest here.

I feel like I disappointed myself by not acting on such a chance, like always and I'm getting sick of it.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Man I feel so gutted again. There was an absolute stunner at the Christmas market this time and as always I just walked past her.
> 
> I've yet to find some form of motivation to get over my approach anxiety.
> 
> The general feeling of sadness and loneliness after such a missed opportunity is still not enough.


I know what you mean. I made an excuse yesterday that I didn't want to go out and that I would instead go out today. College is dead, but I'm going to force myself to go out, honestly, just for the hell of it. I don't want to go to a dance club and I don't want to approach or embarrass myself, but I've got nothing better to do so why not? Beats waiting around for next semester I guess.

I can't really give good motivation tips in times like this except to say you aren't going to lose anything for doing it. There really isn't anything else going on for me right now so that's another excuse for me to go out and make a fool of myself :b

Shame on me if I skip out again. Going to make a memo to go out tonight and approach


----------



## stoolie

@bwidger85 et al.: How do you approach a girl that's chatting with another girl at a bar or at Christmas market/fun faire like environment? Or any examples from simplepickup or RSD?

Just stand beside them and listen in to their conversation until you can make a comment about something? I feel that a direct "Hi" would disturb their conversation too much.


----------



## hypestyle

another birthday and no girlfriend yet. but i'm done with school, i'm wanting to work on this more than ever now, but I'm probably relocating in the next 6 months.. we'll see--


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> @bwidger85 et al.: How do you approach a girl that's chatting with another girl at a bar or at Christmas market/fun faire like environment? Or any examples from simplepickup or RSD?
> 
> Just stand beside them and listen in to their conversation until you can make a comment about something? I feel that a direct "Hi" would disturb their conversation too much.


the ****ty part about meeting girls in social places is that they never go out alone or are hardly separated from a group so you almost have to just go up to them and start talking.

i'm getting to the point where i think sometimes it is just best to go i direct. if you see a group of girls and you're in a social setting, why not just go up and say something like, "Hey ladies, this is going to sound completely random, but I thought you two were very pretty and I wanted to introduce myself". To me, that will eliminate most excuse for you not to approach and you'll at least be honest with your intentions. Some girls are goign to blow you off and others will be willing to chat. Just be honest about it


----------



## bsd3355

hypestyle said:


> another birthday and no girlfriend yet. but i'm done with school, i'm wanting to work on this more than ever now, but I'm probably relocating in the next 6 months.. we'll see--


sweet. would love to hear what happens for you with regard to this stuff. not only can it be motivating to you, but it is also motivating for people like me as well. happy b-day btw


----------



## bsd3355

Shinichi said:


> bwidger85 What is your problem? :sus


well, being you started attacking what stoolie said I felt obliged to return the favor

personally, i don't get you people who just want to hate on guys/girls who are trying to meet people. sorry it doesn't match up to how you'd like it to happen, but that's life and i'm sure most people here would like an easier route to take but unfortunately we do what we can do and what benefits us. sorry if that makes you "sick"


----------



## Shinichi

No, it makes me sick that he said he saw another stunner. That gave me the impression that looks are the only thing that matter here which sadly probably is the only thing that ever counts. So it was my frustration talking. I have no problem with guys trying to chat up girls per se or trying to make contact with the other gender at all.


----------



## bsd3355

Shinichi said:


> No, it makes me sick that he said he saw another stunner. That gave me the impression that looks are the only thing that count which sadly probably is the only thing that ever counts. So it was my frustration talking here. I have no problem with guys trying to chat up girls per se even is it doesn't make any sense at all.


OK, I was going to say something about that because I figured you may of been talking about that. I kind of agree with you in the sense that such terms isn't very flattering at all. I try to stay away from those terms myself. I find the terms kind of derogatory myself actually. I was under the assumption you were attacking the principle of meeting and approaching people. Sorry for that. I understand were you're coming from. if girls did the same i'd probably respond somewhat similarly like to what you did


----------



## Shinichi

No, it's ok. It's my fault and I apologize. I should have know that it comes across the wrong way.


----------



## bsd3355

Shinichi said:


> No, it's ok. It's my fault and I apologize. I should have know that it comes across the wrong way.


i just took it the wrong way. my fault


----------



## stoolie

Shinichi said:


> No, it makes me sick that he said he saw another stunner. That gave me the impression that looks are the only thing that matter here which sadly probably is the only thing that ever counts. So it was my frustration talking. I have no problem with guys trying to chat up girls per se or trying to make contact with the other gender at all.


I never said, that I saw *another* stunner and I didn't mean to sound superficial. Would you still be upset if I had said a cute girl? For me she was gorgeous and I caught myself starring, that's why I said stunner.

Looks are the first thing you notice, it's just like that. If they have a obnoxious personality, watch casting shows or smoke then I would loose interest immediately no matter how they look. So looks are important but are never the only only thing that matter, at least that's my opinion.


----------



## Shinichi

No, you're right. Looks do matter. But for someone who gets ignored pretty much all the time, reading something like that feels like a stab. But I guess that's my problem and I shouldn't read here in the first place.


----------



## bsd3355

Shinichi said:


> No, you're right. Looks do matter. But for someone who gets ignored pretty much all the time, it's just like a stab. But I guess that's my problem and I shouldn't read here in the first place.


so far i've got everyone beat in rejections in the relationships side of the forums so i feel ya lol. but at the same time i wouldn't keep trying if i didn't get dates and meet people along the way.

i try just as much to keep what i say as gender friendly as possible for this reason


----------



## stoolie

Shinichi said:


> No, you're right. Looks do matter. But for someone who gets ignored pretty much all the time, reading something like that feels like a stab. But I guess that's my problem and I shouldn't read here in the first place.


I also very strongly believe that there isn't a single definition of beautiful or gorgeous. 
Do you think that she looked like a model or famous female actor? Not at all. I'm certain that many guys on here wouldn't try to approach her, because she's not their type.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> @bwidger85 et al.: How do you approach a girl that's chatting with another girl at a bar or at Christmas market/fun faire like environment? Or any examples from simplepickup or RSD?
> 
> Just stand beside them and listen in to their conversation until you can make a comment about something? I feel that a direct "Hi" would disturb their conversation too much.


Absolutely do not stand there listening into their conversation lol. That is what we call creepy. You just go in right away and tell them how cute you think they look and that you just had to meet them. I mean...that's the only "line" I ever really use to be honest, unless there's an obvious remark to be made about the surroundings. It can be used in any situation and requires no thought, thereby relieving you of the added pressure of coming up with something amazingly witty to say. It gets the ball rolling, and that's all the opener is really for anyway.


----------



## Corvus Cowl

Oh just trying to start conversations. I'm thinking of telling girls what they should get if they're just staring at shelves of items. May certainly work in a bookstore!


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Absolutely do not stand there listening into their conversation lol. That is what we call creepy. You just go in right away and tell them how cute you think they look and that you just had to meet them. I mean...that's the only "line" I ever really use to be honest, unless there's an obvious remark to be made about the surroundings. It can be used in any situation and requires no thought, thereby relieving you of the added pressure of coming up with something amazingly witty to say. It gets the ball rolling, and that's all the opener is really for anyway.


right, why make it hard on ourselves? just go over to them and be honest as to why you want to talk to them. honestly, i should do this more myself. i think i'm going to do this tonight


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> right, why make it hard on ourselves? just go over to them and be honest as to why you want to talk to them. honestly, i should do this more myself. i think i'm going to do this tonight


Yeah, maybe it's easy for you to approach two girls at the same time and tell them directly that you think they're cute and whatnot.

I just have to imagine myself doing that to know that it's impossible for me to do that, at least right now. I need to take some baby steps first...


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Yeah, maybe it's easy for you to approach two girls at the same time and tell them directly that you think they're cute and whatnot.
> 
> I just have to imagine myself doing that to know that it's impossible for me to do that, at least right now. I need to take some baby steps first...


i'm in the same boat right now. this will NOT be easy for me tonight. i'll be going alone to a dance bar, be one of the only guys probably approaching alone going direct; i haven't barely left my house in nearly 2 weeks! it probably is easier for me though because i've done it before a lot in the past though

baby steps are a good idea. do you have any idea or direction you want to go right now?


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> i'm in the same boat right now. this will NOT be easy for me tonight. i'll be going alone to a dance bar, be one of the only guys probably approaching alone going direct; i haven't barely left my house in nearly 2 weeks! it probably is easier for me though because i've done it before a lot in the past though
> 
> baby steps are a good idea. do you have any idea or direction you want to go right now?


Finish rymo's "say hi #1" challenge, which I accepted over a month ago and still haven't finished...

But it was just nice to know how you guys would've approached.


----------



## Ivan AG

Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.

Just look at Owen Cook.


----------



## Rodeo3point2

Wow, I just read through a bunch of this thread. Compared to the pity jerk that is most of this forum, this has been very inspiring.

Keep up the good work, that is all gentlemen.


----------



## bsd3355

I failed to go out tonight like I said I would and that's a bit shameful considering I made a big deal about it. I know from experience I can meet someone at a bar, but I just could not bring myself to go out of a mix of feeling out of place as well as not really enjoying myself. I will chalk it up as an excuse. I know that if I try to meet girls at other places and these places prove to be just as uninteresting or unappealing to me then I'll probably move back into bar territory. I want to continue to go out and approach though. I feel a sense of dissatisfaction that I haven't done anything for a while. I plan on going out tomorrow and trying some places. Most likely some stores or something. I am still aware that any place can work though. 

On a side note, this whole motivation thing for me changes a lot with regard to the sex thing I've brought up a couple times. Some days it's stronger and evident to me that that's the reason, and other times, such as tonight, I feel like it's more me doing something that I'd say I'd do amongst a few other reasons. Point is, my claim that it's ALWAYS sex-related for me is somewhat off as a starting motivation to meet girls. I think sex is something that is a reason, but not always the initial reason as I once said. It's apparent to me that I have other motivators that fluctuate starting off. Sometimes the motivation is simply to explore and try new things or do it for the sake of doing it. I can probably think of a lot of different motivators.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Keep at it, bwidger. It sounds sadistic, but it's positive to be feeling shameful about not taking action. 

I've been really busy this past week and the next two days are no different. I'm completely switching up sleep schedule to one more healthy so I'm currently amidst a 40 hour marathon. In a while I'll go for a hair-cut (pushing my comfort zone) and because I'm already in a zombie like state, I think gaming a few girls in town may be interesting since I'll most likely be completely indifferent. Then I'm going to get to bed nice and early and prepare for Friday where I'll be out pretty much all day. My sister is running errands and we're going to cover a lot of miles, but also grab bites to eat and shop. Translation, OPPORTUNITIES! I'm actually thinking about not taking my phone to see if I'm a little less outcome dependent on the approaches. We'll see. 

On the meditation front I'm now spilling my sessions over the time limit, so on a good day I'm verging on an hour. It sounds a little much, but I seem to be experiencing an overwhelming amount of positive visualizations. Usually when I envisage potential situations, the images always have a negative vibe and end result, whereas now I can't picture anything but things going well. Even if I try I can't sway it. This happens a lot during the meditation, but also when I'm drifting to sleep. It's like a relentless wave of positive emotions due to seeing myself completely confident in situations that would normally terrify me. I explained this to my mother and she asked if I was experimenting with drugs and I very calmly said yes, the drug of life.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Keep at it, bwidger. It sounds sadistic, but it's positive to be feeling shameful about not taking action.
> 
> I've been really busy this past week and the next two days are no different. I'm completely switching up sleep schedule to one more healthy so I'm currently amidst a 40 hour marathon. In a while I'll go for a hair-cut (pushing my comfort zone) and because I'm already in a zombie like state, I think gaming a few girls in town may be interesting since I'll most likely be completely indifferent. Then I'm going to get to bed nice and early and prepare for Friday where I'll be out pretty much all day. My sister is running errands and we're going to cover a lot of miles, but also grab bites to eat and shop. Translation, OPPORTUNITIES! I'm actually thinking about not taking my phone to see if I'm a little less outcome dependent on the approaches. We'll see.
> 
> On the meditation front I'm now spilling my sessions over the time limit, so on a good day I'm verging on an hour. It sounds a little much, but I seem to be experiencing an overwhelming amount of positive visualizations. Usually when I envisage potential situations, the images always have a negative vibe and end result, whereas now I can't picture anything but things going well. Even if I try I can't sway it. This happens a lot during the meditation, but also when I'm drifting to sleep. It's like a relentless wave of positive emotions due to seeing myself completely confident in situations that would normally terrify me. I explained this to my mother and she asked if I was experimenting with drugs and I very calmly said yes, the drug of life.


lol that's awesome

I know for a fact that only seeing the positive in things will definitely help you out. If meditation is working for you then that's great! Hopefully you can use these positive emotions to your advantage AND LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCES and take positives from them as well.

My form of meditation isn't zoning out but rather thinking about the positives of a situation and what good things can happen from them. For example, if I think approaching in a store is weird or bothersome to a girl or something, I'll sit down with a pen and paper and jot down the positives that can happen. So for instance, I focus on the positives that COULD happen, like it being a normal pleasant conversation, or her being friendly, or me actually getting her number or even going on a date. We tend to put more focus on what bad could happen and we tend to only think negatively instead of thinking of the positives. Positive thinking is very, very powerful. Agreed!

I'll likely be doing my form of meditation tomorrow. I think this thread is a way for me to stay positive too.

I find that without positive thinking I am not motivated and I'll succumb to not doing anything.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Drastically stomping out my day to day patterns has motivated me massively. Everyone has a different lifestyle and for me it was obsessing over sports, watching film after film and essentially never going out. Now that I'm beginning to wake up and realise these activities aren't going to internally fulfill me and in turn not help me reach where I want to be, all that's left to do is take MASSIVE ACTION. I'm literally waking up and looking forward to the unknown, especially when the alternative is being stuck in a comfortable routine.


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok so she had agreed to the date Tuesday evening right. And then she asks me via email what my schedule is like and what date/time is next. I reply to her promptly so that we could get the ball rolling here. But then she hasn't got back to me yet? What the ****? I feel _disrespected_. Clearly she's not interested in me. Or she's following some stupid 2 day rule every time she replies to me from now on. And please don't give me the whole "people have lives" excuse. I work full-time. I have a social life. I went out with friends four times this past week. I volunteer a bit (not this week though). She goes to school part-time and doesn't work. If you like someone, you make a little bit of time for someone and don't pretend like you are super busy to send a 1-2 minute message out of your day. You don't take this long to get back to someone you would like.

My female friend (who also has SA though largely "cured" now) feels that this is a social anxiety thing. That this girl would not agree to see me for coffee and give me a location like that if she wasn't interested in a date. She says that if I'm this impatient now with scheduling dates, how impatient am I going to be when it comes to sex?

I used to think that things were easy mode for SA girls in dating. All they need is a functioning vagina and away they go. But if any girl is really *this* scared to talk to a guy, she's not getting laid, let alone a boyfriend. Period. A friend of mine from the group thinks that this girl is almost definitely a virgin given the severity of her SA. And my female friend thinks so too. Any guy who is trying to pick up chicks would lose patience with her fairly quickly. And any guy who is looking for a relationship would still lose patience with her. If it was really just her being disinterested, this would be very easy for me because I could just walk away and have no regrets.

Yeah if I got her number, we could set all this up in 2 minutes and waste no time. But the fact that she is conveniently taking this long to get back to me via email is disrespectful. Girls on OkCupid who are actually serious about meeting don't waste your time like this. I understand this is not an OkCupid girl. This is a SA girl from a freakin support group. Nevertheless this is frustrating.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Just text her something outrageous. It'll most definitely get the ball rolling again and then you can try to flip the situation.


----------



## phoenixwright

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Just text her something outrageous. It'll most definitely get the ball rolling again and then you can try to flip the situation.


I haven't actually got her cell phone number yet. But she has a Blackberry and has sent an email form her Blackberry once. Don't tell me she takes 24 hours to 2 days to check her email each time. Especially when a guy asks you out and you ask him for his schedule and best day/time and he's trying to get the ball rolling. A lot of people use the "people don't check their email very often" excuse but that is an excuse. I am almost positive she would be doing the same things via text and it may only be different with calling because I would be putting her on the spot and she'd have to think fast. If she was actually serious about meeting, you wouldn't have to put her on the spot. She'd get back to you promptly.

Maybe part of it is that when I replied with my schedule and days/times that were good for me, it took me like 10-15 minutes from the time she sent her email. Maybe that seems "desperate". But I have an iPhone with push email and I happened to be by my computer at the time and I am interested in getting to know the girl and get this ****ing ball rolling ffs. I don't want to waste anymore time. Why the **** should I pretend like watching Big Bang Theory on my laptop is more interesting than talking to a cute girl I may like? I don't believe in playing silly games. That's what this whole ****ing **** is about these days. No one actually wants to appear interested in anyone. They want to pretend like their lives are too grand to be "available".


----------



## stoolie

phoenixwright said:


> I haven't actually got her cell phone number yet. But she has a Blackberry and has sent an email form her Blackberry once. Don't tell me she takes 24 hours to 2 days to check her email each time. Especially when a guy asks you out and you ask him for his schedule and best day/time and he's trying to get the ball rolling. A lot of people use the "people don't check their email very often" excuse but that is an excuse. I am almost positive she would be doing the same things via text and it may only be different with calling because I would be putting her on the spot and she'd have to think fast. If she was actually serious about meeting, you wouldn't have to put her on the spot. She'd get back to you promptly.
> 
> Maybe part of it is that when I replied with my schedule and days/times that were good for me, it took me like 10-15 minutes from the time she sent her email. Maybe that seems "desperate". But I have an iPhone with push email and I happened to be by my computer at the time and I am interested in getting to know the girl and get this ****ing ball rolling ffs. I don't want to waste anymore time. Why the **** should I pretend like watching Big Bang Theory on my laptop is more interesting than talking to a cute girl I may like? I don't believe in playing silly games. That's what this whole ****ing **** is about these days. No one actually wants to appear interested in anyone. They want to pretend like their lives are too grand to be "available".


I think you are way overanalyzing the whole thing. Just relax and wait for her reply. If you don't hear anything from her the whole day then maybe send a followup message.


----------



## phoenixwright

stoolie said:


> I think you are way overanalyzing the whole thing. Just relax and wait for her reply. If you don't hear anything from her the whole day then maybe send a followup message.


It's been over a ****ing whole day! I gave her my schedule Tuesday night (near midnight but still). It's Thursday morning now. Why should I send a follow-up message? She's being disrespectful to me. Maybe I should have gave her a set date/time instead of say "oh I'm free weekday evenings and weekends, except for tomorrow evening." She should still be getting back to me.

I'm tired of this bull****. I don't want to wait around for this ***** who I saw potential with. But she's no different than every other girl who really just doesn't give a ****. No girl really gives a **** about me unless she's unattractive and desperate.


----------



## komorikun

This is why text messages and emails drive me nuts (especially for deciding when and where to meet). I end up pissed at the other person much of the time.

That one guy I was going to meet a few months ago agreed to come to my are but then on the day of changed his mind and asked to meet somewhere more convenient for him. I wanted to strangle his ***.

Personally I would not meet someone unless I had their phone number.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> This is why text messages and emails drive me nuts (especially for deciding when and where to meet). I end up pissed at the other person much of the time.
> 
> That one guy I was going to meet a few months ago agreed to come to my are but then on the day of changed his mind and asked to meet somewhere more convenient for him. I wanted to strangle his ***.
> 
> Personally I would not meet someone unless I had their phone number.


Yeah I really would want to say to her: "Hey the week and weekend are close to coming to an end before the Christmas Holidays. Can I have your number so that we can set this up efficiently?" But she will see that as a sign that I am annoyed with her. And she has social anxiety. Talking on the phone would probably make her feel nervous and like she's being put on the spot.

I would not physically meet with her until I had her number so that we are able to contact each other on the go at all times (I have a data plan for my iPhone but I don't know about her. Most people with Blackberrys do. Calls and text messages are still more convenient.) So I was planning on asking her for her number after we have an agreed upon date and time. But yeah.


----------



## Ivan AG

I feel like people on this thread are on another level compared to most people on this board.

Like this is some kind of PUA community on it's own.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Yeah I really would want to say to her: "Hey the week and weekend are close to coming to an end before the Christmas Holidays. Can I have your number so that we can set this up efficiently?" But she will see that as a sign that I am annoyed with her. And she has social anxiety. Talking on the phone would probably make her feel nervous and like she's being put on the spot.
> 
> I would not physically meet with her until I had her number so that we are able to contact each other on the go at all times (I have a data plan for my iPhone but I don't know about her. Most people with Blackberrys do. Calls and text messages are still more convenient.) So I was planning on asking her for her number after we have an agreed upon date and time. But yeah.


Relax. Shell reply


----------



## Paper Samurai

What am I doing ? I've put a big wad of notes in my top pocket and started wearing a douchebag hat:










Picked all this up from a PUA manual dontcha know. Will keep you updated on my inevitable success guys ! :b


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Yeah I really would want to say to her: "Hey the week and weekend are close to coming to an end before the Christmas Holidays. Can I have your number so that we can set this up efficiently?" But she will see that as a sign that I am annoyed with her. And she has social anxiety. Talking on the phone would probably make her feel nervous and like she's being put on the spot.
> 
> I would not physically meet with her until I had her number so that we are able to contact each other on the go at all times (I have a data plan for my iPhone but I don't know about her. Most people with Blackberrys do. Calls and text messages are still more convenient.) So I was planning on asking her for her number after we have an agreed upon date and time. But yeah.


Why didn't you just get her number to begin with?


----------



## ybnormyl

So I was sitting here thinking about my pretty much non-existent dating life and I realized something - I have never actually been flat out rejected. Sure I've had a few flakes before and have been ignored in the past but is that really rejection? I'm pretty sure this is the reason why I'm so terrified about approaching women. 

Here is the thing, in a few days I'm going to visit my family in MN for a week. My idea is go up to as many girls as possible with the only intention of getting rejected. I'm thinking of using cheesy pick up lines and maybe even just saying "Hey you're cute, want to go out with me sometime?" I have pretty much the whole week to wreak havoc on the neighborhood lol and then I leave and never see them again. Am I nuts for wanting to do this?


----------



## rymo

ybnormyl said:


> So I was sitting here thinking about my pretty much non-existent dating life and I realized something - I have never actually been flat out rejected. Sure I've had a few flakes before and have been ignored in the past but is that really rejection? I'm pretty sure this is the reason why I'm so terrified about approaching women.
> 
> Here is the thing, in a few days I'm going to visit my family in MN for a week. My idea is go up to as many girls as possible with the only intention of getting rejected. I'm thinking of using cheesy pick up lines and maybe even just saying "Hey you're cute, want to go out with me sometime?" I have pretty much the whole week to wreak havoc on the neighborhood lol and then I leave and never see them again. Am I nuts for wanting to do this?


Honestly that sounds harder than just being real with a girl and trying to get her number, but it would still be an awesome way to get comfortable with talking to girls and rejection. It's a good warm up at the beginning of the night as well...once you act silly for a little bit and you realize nothing bad has happened, you'll be incredibly pumped up (God mode) and ready to talk to anyone.


----------



## Sourdog

ybnormyl said:


> So I was sitting here thinking about my pretty much non-existent dating life and I realized something - I have never actually been flat out rejected. Sure I've had a few flakes before and have been ignored in the past but is that really rejection? I'm pretty sure this is the reason why I'm so terrified about approaching women.
> 
> Here is the thing, in a few days I'm going to visit my family in MN for a week. My idea is go up to as many girls as possible with the only intention of getting rejected. I'm thinking of using cheesy pick up lines and maybe even just saying "Hey you're cute, want to go out with me sometime?" I have pretty much the whole week to wreak havoc on the neighborhood lol and then I leave and never see them again. Am I nuts for wanting to do this?


No, that's not nuts at all.

If you do use cheesy pick up lines say " You just made my weedle use string shot." tell me how it works out lol.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Why didn't you just get her number to begin with?


that doesn't even matter. If she was interested, shed be replying and trying to set this up. I'm going to next her. She suggests a place and sks for schedule and date/time and then she does not get back to me when I answered. SA girl or not, I feel disrespected


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> that doesn't even matter. If she was interested, shed be replying and trying to set this up. I'm going to next her. **** this *****. She's playing me by suggesting a place and asking for my schedule and date/time and not getting back to me when I answered. SA girl or not, I feel disrespected


Calm the **** down man. Is this going to be your reaction for every flake in your life? It happens - ALL THE TIME - you're not immune, get over it. Who are you that you can't be "disrespected" by a girl not replying to you instantly?

"She's playing me". Give me a break. You think every girl is so malicious they want to play you? That is what we call paranoia and insecurity. Next time, try to detach yourself from the outcome instead of thinking you're god and that every woman should act a certain way.

It's not easy to detach yourself, but you just have to move on, and over time it will get easier to do. But it will only get easier if you stop feeling so entitled and angry over every little thing a girl does or doesn't do.

So many guys have this sense of BLACK or WHITE. A girl doesn't text you back right away, OMG SHE HATES ME! Then two seconds later, she does text you, and all of a sudden it's OMG SHE ACTUALLY LIKES ME! I guarantee when she emails you back you're going to do a complete 180 and be like OH COOL 'SALL GOOD SHE IS AWESOME! But it's best to be more levelheaded about things. Her not getting back right away could have nothing to do with you, or who knows? It just might. But since you don't know, you can't just make all these assumptions. Not to mention, PEOPLE ARE FLAKY. It's just how it is. If most girls don't say they don't want to hang out, an SA girl certainly isn't.

Either way, just give it time, stop freaking out and having a hissy fit. You see what happens, and go from there.


----------



## pete24

Some results.

Date yesterday, went ok... we both got pretty drunk though. She got train home and I stayed in pub for 1 or 2 more. Actually I approached someone too.

Buzzing off the date (and booze) I saw this quite nice, slim girl who seemed attractive and we kept looking at each other and she was smiling. Spoke at the bar, we sat together. Spoke for ages, I dont mind her but theres a few warning signs.

Shes 35 (not bad), she still goes out like shes a teenager and gets "smashed" (Sometimes does cocaine  ). She lives about 2 hours away and was only here for a few drinks after her friends wedding. The other skeptical thing is she has a 15 year old daughter. I said id never date anyone with kids again but I guess just 1 15 year old daughter isnt too bad, shes old enough to not interfere with plans.

The girl is relatively attractive, not the best.... but she is well and truly smitten with me, she admittedly fancies me like crazy, every single text says how hot she thinks I am. She even has said she wants to do anything she can to keep me liking her as she really likes me... Even sent me a few pictures of herself wearing just underwear (blatantly thinking it could keep me interested). Who knows though, I may arrange a proper date but still loads to think about.

Today I was due to have a date with a girl off POF... had to cancel though as my head was completely stinging this morning and I still feel ill. 

Tomorrow I have another date, another girl off POF, shes having to stay over as shes got quite a distance to travel.... I can see sex happening.

Last night when I got in 2 women were chatting to me again. 1 off badoo I talk to now and again. She said about a date on Saturday. Really dunno though as I know im gonna end up wasted with this other girl tomorrow so a bad head could happen Saturday morning.

The 2nd was a girl from POF a while ago, really liked her but contact stopped, she got in touch saying how sorry she is as she changed jobs, got a new place etc and has been busy. Giving my drunken charm the chat ended well with her saying we should meet soon.

A final bit of luck is with this mystery older woman. Seen her about a few pubs a fair bit recently. Shes about 45 and is smoking hot. She keeps looking and smiling at me each time we see each other. Not sure if its genuine interest or she just knows me from serving her at my old job. If it is interest, im sure 1 drunken night we are both in the same pub we will end up chatting and she could end up coming back to mine


----------



## phoenixwright

Rymo, she goes to school part-time and doesn't work. I work full-time, have a social life and volunteer. If there's a girl I like, believe me, I make the time to contact them within 24 hrs at least. If she can't take 1-2 mins out of her so oh so busy schedule, that isn't a good sign.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Rymo, she goes to school part-time and doesn't work. I work full-time, have a social life and volunteer. If there's a girl I like, believe me, I make the time to contact them within 24 hrs at least. If she can't take 1-2 mins out of her so oh so busy schedule, that isn't a good sign.


What you said right there is a much more level-headed analysis than your last post at least. It's fine to think there's a good shot or a bad shot with a girl, but to say a girl is disrespecting you for not getting back to you right away...no, just no.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> What you said right there is a much more level-headed analysis than your last post at least. It's fine to think there's a good shot or a bad shot with a girl, but to say a girl is disrespecting you for not getting back to you right away...no, just no.


if a girl is interested in you, she'll get back to you within a reasonable time (not necessarily right away obviously). Especially when she asked me for my schedule and what day/time is good for me.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> if a girl is interested in you, she'll get back to you within a reasonable time (not necessarily right away obviously). Especially when she asked me for my schedule and what day/time is good for me.


Whether or not that's true, her NOT getting back to you right away is not a sign of disrespect lol. If she were truly asking your schedule for the sole purpose of ****ing with you, that's another story, but I would bet my LIFE that's not the case.


----------



## ybnormyl

rymo said:


> Honestly that sounds harder than just being real with a girl and trying to get her number, but it would still be an awesome way to get comfortable with talking to girls and rejection. It's a good warm up at the beginning of the night as well...once you act silly for a little bit and you realize nothing bad has happened, you'll be incredibly pumped up (God mode) and ready to talk to anyone.





Sourdog said:


> No, that's not nuts at all.
> 
> If you do use cheesy pick up lines say " You just made my weedle use string shot." tell me how it works out lol.


F it, I'm gonna do it. The sad thing is that I'm already anxious just thinking about it. And Sourdog, even though I had to google to find out what the heck is a weedle, i'm still gonna use this line. Hope I don't get slapped in the face.


----------



## arnie

What am I doing?

Creeping around the library










:b


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Whether or not that's true, her NOT getting back to you right away is not a sign of disrespect lol. If she were truly asking your schedule for the sole purpose of ****ing with you, that's another story, but I would bet my LIFE that's not the case.


You don't ask someone their schedule and what date/time is best for them and then just flake on them like that. This generation has no respect for each other. I don't want to date women if they are going to be behaving like this. They have no respect for men. We are disposable to them. My mother and older sister raised me to be a nice guy. A gentleman. I thought that this is the way it was supposed to be. And women just **** on you. And they kill the nice guy out of you. I like being the nice guy (that part of me is still there but in the past couple of years, I stopped being such a nice guy because I was fed up). I don't like being an *******. But the way they treat men, it makes you just want to say **** them and boycott dating.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Let it go. You're crushing the threads momentum.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> You don't ask someone their schedule and what date/time is best for them and then just flake on them like that. This generation has no respect for each other. I don't want to date women if they are going to be behaving like this. They have no respect for men. We are disposable to them. My mother and older sister raised me to be a nice guy. A gentleman. I thought that this is the way it was supposed to be. And women just **** on you. And they kill the nice guy out of you. I like being the nice guy (that part of me is still there but in the past couple of years, I stopped being such a nice guy because I was fed up). I don't like being an *******. But the way they treat men, it makes you just want to say **** them and boycott dating.


A nice guy is nice no matter what. If some girl not getting back to him right away is all it takes to derail him into utter bitterness, then he's not actually a nice guy.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> A nice guy is nice no matter what. If some girl not getting back to him right away is all it takes to derail him into utter bitterness, then he's not actually a nice guy.


There is a long history of dealing with bull**** behind that bitterness. It's not just an isolated incident. Your line is very cliche. Are you going to continue to be nice if you continue to get treated like ****? No. And you're exaggerating with the whole "right away" line. 2 days is a long ****ing time. The 2 day rule is bull****. It takes 1-2 minutes out of your "busy" day to message someone ffs. If I don't get back to you within 2 days, it's because I don't give too much of a **** about you. That's basically how it works. You're used to dating these *****es who play games like that so it is what it is. I don't want someone like that in my life.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Two words, internal fulfillment.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> There is a long history of dealing with bull**** behind that bitterness. It's not just an isolated incident. Your line is very cliche. Are you going to continue to be nice if you continue to get treated like ****? No. And you're exaggerating with the whole "right away" line. 2 days is a long ****ing time. The 2 day rule is bull****. It takes 1-2 minutes out of your "busy" day to message someone ffs. If I don't get back to you within 2 days, it's because I don't give too much of a **** about you. That's basically how it works. You're used to dating these *****es who play games like that so it is what it is. I don't want someone like that in my life.


2 days? It's only been 2 DAYS! Holy christ man, girls have taken up to over a week to get back to me before. You are wrapping up your entire internal validation on ONE girl not getting back to you in 2 days! That is not healthy at all. And that is not you being treated like ****. You have a very warped sense of reality if you think that's a long time.

Sorry to hear about your past of bull****, but if this is the kind of thing you put into that bull**** category, you have some maturing to do.


----------



## bsd3355

It's best to keep it simple. If a girl isn't that interested then she will not act interested. If a girl is interested enough she will act interested. It's not any more complicated than that. Girls who play games aren't stupid, they probably aren't even playing games; they are probably just not that interested to respond back. I haven't had a girl play "games" with me since probably elementary, and I can't even remember a time then either. But let's say in the rare case that a girl doesn't respond back because she's shy or something, do you really want to date someone like that? No. Girls aren't stupid and they aren't really *****es most the time; they just aren't that interested. If they were interested you'd be saying she's a "cool" chick. It's best not to take it personal. Girls can't be attracted to everyone. Girls, like guys, will tend to put less importance on things they aren't interested in.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> 2 days? It's only been 2 DAYS! Holy christ man, girls have taken up to over a week to get back to me before. You are wrapping up your entire internal validation on ONE girl not getting back to you in 2 days! That is not healthy at all. And that is not you being treated like ****. You have a very warped sense of reality if you think that's a long time.
> 
> Sorry to hear about your past of bull****, but if this is the kind of thing you put into that bull**** category, you have some maturing to do.


Dude she asked for my schedule and everything. You're not going to take over a ****ing week to respond to a guy when you're setting something up. This is ridiculous. I don't know what *****es you have been dating but over a week? I bet you didn't get anywhere with those girls. Or they are major game players.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Dude she asked for my schedule and everything. You're not going to take over a ****ing week to respond to a guy when you're setting something up. This is ridiculous. I don't know what *****es you have been dating but over a week? I bet you didn't get anywhere with those girls. Or they are major game players.


I can understand where you're coming from. Taking a week to respond is ridiculous and that's an extremely bad sign if you ask me unless she has a good reason. 2 days is pretty long too if she's interested. I wouldn't put your hopes up for this girl. Nearly all the girls who were actually interested in me didn't do that to me. It's just not polite at all and shows a lack of caring for the situation.

So what happened again? You asked her for her schedule and she hasn't responded in two days?


----------



## Barette

Like, I don't mean to butt in, but I love butting in so I will anyway--she has anxiety. I've taken like 2 weeks to respond to friends that I've had for like over 5 years (back when I had them, lol), just from anxiety. She's not disrespecting you (which I hate this new trend of "I need to be respected by everybody whether or not I earned it"), she's just taking a little while. You're acting like you know her life, but you don't. Just relax, man. If you have a social life, then distract yourself. You're taking this so personally but it's just one girl.


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> Like, I don't mean to butt in, but I love butting in so I will anyway--she has anxiety. I've taken like 2 weeks to respond to friends that I've had for like over 5 years (back when I had them, lol), just from anxiety. She's not disrespecting you (which I hate this new trend of "I need to be respected by everybody whether or not I earned it"), she's just taking a little while. You're acting like you know her life, but you don't. Just relax, man. If you have a social life, then distract yourself. You're taking this so personally but it's just one girl.


I wouldn't want to date someone like that. Phoenix should be asking himself the same question. SA or no SA, a week to respond is ridiculous.


----------



## Barette

bwidger85 said:


> I wouldn't want to date someone like that. Phoenix should be asking himself the same question. SA or no SA, a week to respond is ridiculous.


It's fine if he considers it rude, because in itself it is rude to take a long time to respond to someone, but he really seems to be taking it super personal when I don't thinks he means to insult him or anything. If she's in her 30s, likely a virgin, severe SA, can't work and is in part-time school, it doesn't sound like she's where she can easily respond to a guy she's recently met asking her out. I just think it's a bit rash, especially being 2 days. But I'm like totally butting in here, lol.


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> It's fine if he considers it rude, because in itself it is rude to take a long time to respond to someone, but he really seems to be taking it super personal when I don't thinks he means to insult him or anything. If she's in her 30s, likely a virgin, severe SA, can't work and is in part-time school, it doesn't sound like she's where she can easily respond to a guy she's recently met asking her out. I just think it's a bit rash. But I'm like totally butting in here, lol.


I'm too lazy to go back a read the situation so I'm just kinda taking as a read it lol... that's probably my fault. I still wouldn't want to date someone like that. Knowing someone for a while and knowing they'd get back to you when they could is different because you know they'll get back to you, but when you don't know someone you have to take it at face value and I personally wouldn't want to date someone who left me hanging like that all the time. But that's me. I wouldn't want to date someone that shy. It'd frustrate me to no end.


----------



## Isabelle50

> There is a long history of dealing with bull**** behind that bitterness. It's not just an isolated incident. Your line is very cliche. Are you going to continue to be nice if you continue to get treated like ****? No. And you're exaggerating with the whole "right away" line. 2 days is a long ****ing time. The 2 day rule is bull****. It takes 1-2 minutes out of your "busy" day to message someone ffs. If I don't get back to you within 2 days, it's because I don't give too much of a **** about you. That's basically how it works. You're used to dating these *****es who play games like that so it is what it is. I don't want someone like that in my life.


Perhaps she picked up on this ^ lurking just below the surface....


----------



## Shinichi

I understand him though. It's hard to not be bitter when you experienced one disappointment after the other.


----------



## bsd3355

Isabelle50 said:


> Perhaps she picked up on this ^ lurking just below the surface....


He's frustrated. I can actually relate to that.

Phoenix, I'd wait a little longer before you explode all up on her biznazz. Give it another day or two then text back if she figured it out yet. Take it from there.

Text her tomorrow if you haven't heard from her in a couple days and see what's going on and if she's made her mind up or w/e about what you guys are talking about. Take it from there. Let us know what happens, broham

If she still didn't make her mind up the next time you text her then I'd give her one more chance and if the same thing happens I'd move on. It's best not to get involved with all that.


----------



## ShyGuyInWi

I have no game plan in order to try to hook up with a girl maybe by doing a kamikaze way of just throwing yourself out there the worst she can say is no the best thing that could happen is if she said yes. you do have to throw yourself out there figuratively speaking. no one ever handed me out a gameplan.


----------



## rymo

Isabelle50 said:


> Perhaps she picked up on this ^ lurking just below the surface....


Seriously. That bitterness seems to bubble up quite easily phoenix. Whether or not she's rude, it shouldn't throw you into a rage if a girl takes a few days to respond. Clearly you don't respect someone who takes that long to respond, and that's perfectly fine - but in that case move on man. If she's such a disrespectful, horrible person - why do you even care if she gets back to you?


----------



## PaysageDHiver

bwidger85 said:


> He's frustrated. I can actually relate to that.
> 
> Phoenix, I'd wait a little longer before you explode all up on her biznazz. Give it another day or two then text back if she figured it out yet. Take it from there.
> 
> Text her tomorrow if you haven't heard from her in a couple days and see what's going on and if she's made her mind up or w/e about what you guys are talking about. Take it from there. Let us know what happens, broham
> 
> If she still didn't make her mind up the next time you text her then I'd give her one more chance and if the same thing happens I'd move on. It's best not to get involved with all that.


Minor point here, but I think that's too many "chances". No response to message, and if no response to text, do a follow-up text? Screams of need. Interested girls almost always reply to one message, eventually.


----------



## bsd3355

PaysageDHiver said:


> Minor point here, but I think that's too many "chances". No response to message, and if no response to text, do a follow-up text? Screams of need. Interested girls almost always reply to one message, eventually.


No, I mean if he texts her and she responds this next time but still doesn't have an idea for a date (or w/e he was talking about), then give her one more chance to figure what she's doing and if the same thing happens then don't contact her again. If he texts her again and she doesn't' respond then move on too.


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> It's fine if he considers it rude, because in itself it is rude to take a long time to respond to someone, but he really seems to be taking it super personal when I don't thinks he means to insult him or anything. If she's in her 30s, likely a virgin, severe SA, can't work and is in part-time school, it doesn't sound like she's where she can easily respond to a guy she's recently met asking her out. I just think it's a bit rash, especially being 2 days. But I'm like totally butting in here, lol.


You are not butting in here. Your perspective is welcome.


----------



## Barette

^Thanks, glad to hear it, but usually when people say that to me they end up regretting it quickly, haha.


----------



## feverfew

phoenixwright said:


> There is a long history of dealing with bull**** behind that bitterness. It's not just an isolated incident. Your line is very cliche. Are you going to continue to be nice if you continue to get treated like ****? No. And you're exaggerating with the whole "right away" line. 2 days is a long ****ing time. The 2 day rule is bull****. It takes 1-2 minutes out of your "busy" day to message someone ffs. If I don't get back to you within 2 days, it's because I don't give too much of a **** about you. That's basically how it works. You're used to dating these *****es who play games like that so it is what it is. I don't want someone like that in my life.


I think you should just stop thinking about her (easier said than done right?). If she gets back with you, great! If not, then oh well.

She may have a reason, or she may just be flaky. I've dealt with some flaky girls. Sure it's irritating but there ain't much you can do except move on and learn how to deal with it. But I kind of agree. If somebody can't get back with you in two days, then that is pretty rude. A good reason to stop worrying about her.

It probably isn't much help, but that's my 2¢


----------



## feverfew

Rodeo3point2 said:


> Wow, I just read through a bunch of this thread. Compared to the pity jerk that is most of this forum, this has been very inspiring.
> 
> Keep up the good work, that is all gentlemen.


:agree


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> My female friend suggested I send her a follow up email. "Hey did you get my last email? i'm starting to think you forgot " Which I sent after 11 tonight. She still hasn't got back to me.
> 
> I really do think this is done. This is a frustrating journey. I don't think it's possible for me to have the connection that I'm looking for. When the OkCupid blonde mentioned that there was no connection, that was something I could take because I couldn't feel it either. But when you don't know why a girl isn't replying, it sucks. You wonder if she thinks you are inferior to her and that you're not good enough for her (or if its a severe SA sort of thing, maybe she feels she is inferior to me and hence the resulting flake). You wonder if she thinks you are crazy for thinking you even had a chance in the first place. etc. All these negative thoughts.


Hence the old cliche of men not knowing what women want, never knowing what they're thinking. It's true in this case...if it turns out she never, ever gets back to you, unless the girl straight up tells you WHY you're never going to know. I highly doubt you did anything wrong though. In my personal opinion you're still jumping the gun thinking she won't get back to you, but even if you're right - this is why getting girls is a #s game. The more you talk to, the less you care when some of them flake. If you put all your eggs in one basket, it's much, much easier to walk away disappointed if something goes wrong.


----------



## AussiePea

I'm starting to think that I don't actually WANT to be with anyone all that much. Reason being, I will go on a date which will go well, and yes I will enjoy it and feel great afterwards but my desire to pursue if they do not make contact easy (for example me having to chase them a bit to get them to agree to another date) is non existent, I just do not care enough to put in any real effort and find it easier to move on.

Perhaps I am yet to find that one person who makes you really WANT to chase? Not sure.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Hence the old cliche of men not knowing what women want, never knowing what they're thinking. It's true in this case...if it turns out she never, ever gets back to you, unless the girl straight up tells you WHY you're never going to know. I highly doubt you did anything wrong though. In my personal opinion you're still jumping the gun thinking she won't get back to you, but even if you're right - this is why getting girls is a #s game. The more you talk to, the less you care when some of them flake. If you put all your eggs in one basket, it's much, much easier to walk away disappointed if something goes wrong.


It's hard for me to get genuinely excited about that many women though. It's more about having a certain gut instinct rather than trying to look at someone on paper and thinking "oh my god, I'm into this person."

I don't feel very motivated to talk to girls unless I sense a certain potential in them. Even with online dating. I hate having to pretend to be interested in something on a girl's profile and writing a message related to that. Girls never write anything on their profile that I'm interested in making a comment about but that's on me (I have Asperger's and don't really take an interest in the lives of other people. I'm making an effort to). With this girl at my support group, it wasn't until she talked in a meeting that I was interested. Because I could identify with her in a number of ways. Before that, I just thought she was a snob and didn't think much of her other than her being pretty.

I don't get excited for casual sex because I get too anxious to even be able to have sex much of the time. And it's not very enjoyable for me. So it's important that I look for something more.


----------



## pete24

Fails today. Girl I approached other night at the bar is too weird. Shes basically blown me off all because when she asked to phone me earlier I told her I was about to have a shower. I asked her a few hours later whats up etc and she text saying "You were too busy earlier for me, so now im busy driving off somewhere to get wasted tonight". Havent heard back off her since. Pretty much massive dramas with her... which is a shame, but ah well.

My date today was just as useless (with 1 of the POF girls). I got ready, was about to leave so I could have a quick pint before meeting her at the station and she txt saying the money she expected to go in hasnt gone in so she cant come. Really annoyed me. Fair enough her money probably hasnt cleared, but even last night she was saying how she can definitely come down and is looking forward to it. An old friend got in touch asking me to come out and catch up today too, but I turned him down for her. I have blown her off now pretty much, even if it isnt her fault, she could of said theres a chance she could make it or even so, surely a family member or friend could of lent her £30.

As for the rest of the day... crap is the word. Had about £200 in bank to last for the dates and over xmas. Was peed off with things I went and gambled the lot away... oops.

Tomorrow theres a chance for a date with another girl, just not feeling in the mood anymore tho


----------



## Nexus777

Barette said:


> ^Thanks, glad to hear it, but usually when people say that to me they end up regretting it quickly, haha.


Obviously haha - yes 

Btw: Regarding girls not replying I had had worse cases, even one not replying in 2 months. I sent follow mail, also no reply. Turns out she was with another guy to this time. However there relationship went not that good it seemed but she had a baby from him. Later we came together as "mates with bonus" or however it is called - not a real relationship but still ok for me as long as it lasted...


----------



## Zeeshan

Trying to see of the last few days of 2012 n aim for a new start in 2013


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Fails today. Girl I approached other night at the bar is too weird. Shes basically blown me off all because when she asked to phone me earlier I told her I was about to have a shower. I asked her a few hours later whats up etc and she text saying "You were too busy earlier for me, so now im busy driving off somewhere to get wasted tonight". Havent heard back off her since. Pretty much massive dramas with her... which is a shame, but ah well.
> 
> My date today was just as useless (with 1 of the POF girls). I got ready, was about to leave so I could have a quick pint before meeting her at the station and she txt saying the money she expected to go in hasnt gone in so she cant come. Really annoyed me. Fair enough her money probably hasnt cleared, but even last night she was saying how she can definitely come down and is looking forward to it. An old friend got in touch asking me to come out and catch up today too, but I turned him down for her. I have blown her off now pretty much, even if it isnt her fault, she could of said theres a chance she could make it or even so, surely a family member or friend could of lent her £30.
> 
> As for the rest of the day... crap is the word. Had about £200 in bank to last for the dates and over xmas. Was peed off with things I went and gambled the lot away... oops.
> 
> Tomorrow theres a chance for a date with another girl, just not feeling in the mood anymore tho


oh man, stay in there


----------



## bsd3355

I can kind of understand why a lot of people don't want to go direct (mentioning a girl is cute off the opener) because I don't a lot of the times either.

These last couple days have been getting under my skin because I don't want to go to bars to meet girls and I don't really feel comfortable approaching in stores. I used to, and so I have to ask myself why. I think having a default opener in mind isn't a bad thing to use if you think going in direct is too much. Let's face it, approaching someone at such places can be extremely difficult, so having a default opener and a follow up thing to say gives people confidence. When I don't feel comfortable doing something I often won't do it, and so if you need an opener or something to start conversations then so be it.

The problem is some "openers" are better for some places than others. Like if you are at the mall then you could ask store workers_ AND_ regular people walking around for directions which is a good way to transition into a different parts of conversation. However, if you are in Walmart, for instance, it's kind of lame to walk up to a girl staring at food and ask for directions, so you're probably better off with an observational opener or question about things within her focus (food, shoes, etc.).

I'll be honest, going up direct to a girl pushing a cart looking at food in a Walmart isle does not sound ideal to me currently and so having something that isn't as abrupt gives me more motivation and confidence to approach.

I'm literally sitting here thinking of some ideas. I think observational openers for places like walmart are good. I think asking for directions at other places are better (college, malls, on the street, etc.). I haven't thought too much about bars beyond being direct because my focus is elsewhere.

I just wrote this to say anything can work. It really matters what YOU feel comfortable with, because if you feel comfortable then you won't have an issue doing it. The problem isn't so much what we say but how we feel during the process. We want to feel somewhat assured all is well. For me, going direct in a grocery store is a little too much, but that's me.

So I'm going to try it out. I was sitting here for a bit thinking of what I'd feel comfortable with and I think I'm coming to a conclusion. I've wrote some "openers" for places before but what happens is sometimes my preference of openers change and so when I look back on what I wrote it doesn't really fit with how I feel at the moment. College, and asking for directions as an opener, seems like the perfect fit and it helps me out dramatically.

This doesn't mean you go indirect and stay talking indirectly. Eventually you have to go direct and state your intentions or else it's weird.

----------------------------
Example at walmart:

"Have you ever tried this stuff before?.....Ah yeah, I was just curious because I was thinking about getting it but wasn't sure... did you go to 'name of school' around here? You look familiar. No? Ah OK, nvm. Kind of random, but you are pretty. What's your name?"
----------------------------

That's probably not the best example but it's an example of using an observational opener off the rip and then transitioning into some questions and then going direct. For me, it helps. For you, maybe not.

Just some things to think about and hopefully get more excited about trying...


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I can kind of understand why a lot of people don't want to go direct (mentioning a girl is cute off the opener) because I don't a lot of the times either.
> 
> These last couple days have been getting under my skin because I don't want to go to bars to meet girls and I don't really feel comfortable approaching in stores. I used to, and so I have to ask myself why. I think having a default opener in mind isn't a bad thing to use if you think going in direct is too much. Let's face it, approaching someone at such places can be extremely difficult, so having a default opener and a follow up thing to say gives people confidence. When I don't feel comfortable doing something I often won't do it, and so if you need an opener or something to start conversations then so be it.
> 
> The problem is some "openers" are better for some places than others. Like if you are at the mall then you could ask store workers_ AND_ regular people walking around for directions which is a good way to transition into a different parts of conversation. However, if you are in Walmart, for instance, it's kind of lame to walk up to a girl staring at food and ask for directions, so you're probably better off with an observational opener or question about things within her focus (food, shoes, etc.).
> 
> I'll be honest, going up direct to a girl pushing a cart looking at food in a Walmart isle does not sound ideal to me currently and so having something that isn't as abrupt gives me more motivation and confidence to approach.
> 
> I'm literally sitting here thinking of some ideas. I think observational openers for places like walmart are good. I think asking for directions at other places are better (college, malls, on the street, etc.). I haven't thought too much about bars beyond being direct because my focus is elsewhere.
> 
> I just wrote this to say anything can work. It really matters what YOU feel comfortable with, because if you feel comfortable then you won't have an issue doing it. The problem isn't so much what we say but how we feel during the process. We want to feel somewhat assured all is well. For me, going direct in a grocery store is a little too much, but that's me.
> 
> So I'm going to try it out. I was sitting here for a bit thinking of what I'd feel comfortable with and I think I'm coming to a conclusion. I've wrote some "openers" for places before but what happens is sometimes my preference of openers change and so when I look back on what I wrote it doesn't really fit with how I feel at the moment. College, and asking for directions as an opener, seems like the perfect fit and it helps me out dramatically.
> 
> This doesn't mean you go indirect and stay talking indirectly. Eventually you have to go direct and state your intentions or else it's weird.
> 
> ----------------------------
> Example at walmart:
> 
> "Have you ever tried this stuff before?.....Ah yeah, I was just curious because I was thinking about getting it but wasn't sure... did you go to 'name of school' around here? You look familiar. No? Ah OK, nvm. Kind of random, but you are pretty. What's your name?"
> ----------------------------
> 
> That's probably not the best example but it's an example of using an observational opener off the rip and then transitioning into some questions and then going direct. For me, it helps. For you, maybe not.
> 
> Just some things to think about and hopefully get more excited about trying...


I think a direct approach is so powerful that's my goal. Indirect is good too but the confidence that is displayed by a direct approach would be amazing if women do in fact dig confidence


----------



## phoenixwright

I'm officially an *******. lol. She got back to me. Monday evening. And I might see her tomorrow at our support group.

I told her that Monday evening is fine and set an exact time and asked for her number. She agreed with the time. She says that she's not comfortable with giving me her number quite yet. To not take it the wrong way. She doesn't give out her number easily.

She also pointed out that she's not in a stage of her life where she is ready to have a relationship so we're just hanging out strictly as friends and wants to know if that's cool with me.

Now I feel like a jerk for having said what I said on here. lol. Honestly a part of me suspected this outcome and had her figured out. But the egomaniac part of me didn't want to be wrong. The egomaniac takes comfort in thinking that every woman is a *****. If I think that way, then I can't get my hopes up and then I can't get hurt. Thinking that every woman is a ***** is an excuse for me to not try and face rejection. I hate being excited about a girl because that makes me want to take action and I could get hurt. Can't have that now can we?


----------



## Ivan AG

The more I look at different approaches and methods, the more convinced I become that the direct approach is the best approach.

Shows confidence, doesn't beat around the bush with indirect suggestions, doesn't waste anyone's time and gets to the point.

It's also the hardest, because if the woman isn't interested she could be a real nasty piece of work about it.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I'm officially an *******. lol. She got back to me. Monday evening. And I might see her tomorrow at our support group.
> 
> I told her that Monday evening is fine and set an exact time and asked for her number. She agreed with the time. She says that she's not comfortable with giving me her number quite yet. To not take it the wrong way. She doesn't give out her number easily.
> 
> She also pointed out that she's not in a stage of her life where she is ready to have a relationship so we're just hanging out strictly as friends and wants to know if that's cool with me.
> 
> Now I feel like a jerk for having said what I said on here. lol. Honestly a part of me suspected this outcome and had her figured out. But the egomaniac part of me didn't want to be wrong. The egomaniac takes comfort in thinking that every woman is a *****. If I think that way, then I can't get my hopes up and then I can't get hurt. Thinking that every woman is a ***** is an excuse for me to not try and face rejection. I hate being excited about a girl because that makes me want to take action and I could get hurt. Can't have that now can we?


You live you learn. It's all gravy 

It's good she was honest with you about what she wanted. See, no hurt feelings? For the most part, this is why guys like when girls are honest. Yeah, it sucks to be rejected, but it gets it over with, and it sure beats playing the guessing game. My rule is 2 strikes basically. I let the first strike slip depending, bt if it happens again then it's a clear indicator she's not interested. Three strikes and that's not really necessary in my opinion.

This is dating though, you win some and you lose some.


----------



## bsd3355

Ivan AG said:


> The more I look at different approaches and methods, the more convinced I become that the direct approach is the best approach.
> 
> Shows confidence, doesn't beat around the bush with indirect suggestions, doesn't waste anyone's time and gets to the point.
> 
> It's also the hardest, because if the woman isn't interested she could be a real nasty piece of work about it.


If you got the balls to go direct then more power to you. Direct is very good approach. If you don't have the confidence to go direct and you want to be more subtle, I don't see a problem going indirect as well depending on the situation as long as you go direct at some point in the interaction. Direct is definitely good to open with and probably best for a lot of situations, I agree.

Going direct is like the default opener if there was ever a default opener. You can do it under any circumstance and it can work just as long as your vibe isn't all weird.

It is the hardest because it cuts to the chase and you really have to be able to carry the conversation or else the girl may be a bit overtaken by the opener. In the end, however, do whatever you feel comfortable with. It's not always best to think too deeply about these things unless you're trying to find confidence before you go out and meet girls. You don't want to be thinking too much while you are out there. I've found it's best to feel confident about a way you want to approach before you head out that way you can just do it without really thinking too much.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

What am I doing to get a girl? Well, I've kind of already got her, but I'm flying her in from Europe in three weeks to meet my family and spend almost two weeks with me. Why? Because I'm crazy about her, and it's causing me to do crazy things.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> oh man, stay in there


Guess so mate... it seems recently with women I have spoken to, its been the case of them clearly being really into me, over complimenting me but then because I wont do everything they want me to do (like if im doing something and they ask to talk on the phone, I wont stop what im doing just to talk to them).

After my experience of approaching and pulling a girl the other day, the same thing happened that often happens online. She was really interested and even said about how I seem 1 of them decent guys who isnt just after 1 thing. Then before you know it shes sending me half/full nude pics and telling me what she would like to do in bed.

Its just too similar to online women. Online seems to have the same thing where im being chatted up to the extreme, things seem all good, then they just wont text back. Weeks later they get back in touch saying "hey stranger" etc.... we speak for a few days, they give more compliments until they just stop contacting me again.

Had another browse on badoo earlier and just saw 1 of my really hot ex's joined yesterday. To be fair we had an amazing relationship. Was gonna drop her a message until I remembered how my antics stuffed it up last time. There was tension anyway as she was a bit clingy, but what probably sealed the relationships fate was when she came to this huge beer festival with me and friends bought me the strongest ales on the menu (10%+) and I didnt realise, after more than 10 pints I was more drunk than ever, started shouting at random people when we walked home, and when we got back I was very suicidal and it scared her  (Although that was the time I realised I was going through depression)


----------



## bsd3355

So I was stupid enough to drive in a blizzard to go to some stores to try maybe talk to some girls being I don't want to go to bars and college is out. I can't really think of too many other places besides bars or stores that wouldn't cost a ****-ton of money or waste a lot of time...

I ended up at the mall in Akron. Unfortunately it's pretty ghetto and has a lot of ghetto people in it, so didn't see anyone I really wanted to approach. I could of probably seen a girl in a girl store but I'm not really interested in going in a girl store. I guess I could chalk that up as an excuse.

Went to target by the mall and saw one girl but she looked like a hippy hipster and that doesn't really float my boat. Not sure whether or not to chalk that up as an excuse.

By that time I'm beginning to think of why I probably went to bars in the first place. First, it's close. Second, it has a lot of girls in one spot. So I weighed out the options in my head: do I want to drive around all the time hopefully running into a girl in a store, or do I want to go to a couple bars nearby where I know girls will be? I guess I'm becoming more in favor of bars. So it looks like at this point both stores and bars are on my radar.

Other than that, nothing special. I almost died trying to stop my car in the blizzard and spun and did a 90 degree turn right before a busy intersection so that was fun. Having a ****ty car doesn't really have any perks I've found out yet besides not paying any bills besides car insurance 

But something that kind of also struck me was this whole "momentum" thing. Basically, just going out with the idea of approaching girls helps me stay motivated in a way. It's like when you don't want to do something but go out anyway and you find inspiration kind of thing.

Might go out tonight to a bar if the weather and roads clear up a bit. No booze tonight though!


----------



## Zeeshan

Ivan AG said:


> The more I look at different approaches and methods, the more convinced I become that the direct approach is the best approach.
> 
> Shows confidence, doesn't beat around the bush with indirect suggestions, doesn't waste anyone's time and gets to the point.
> 
> It's also the hardest, because if the woman isn't interested she could be a real nasty piece of work about it.


How do you know that?


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So I was stupid enough to drive in a blizzard to go to some stores to try maybe talk to some girls being I don't want to go to bars and college is out. I can't really think of too many other places besides bars or stores that wouldn't cost a ****-ton of money or waste a lot of time...
> 
> I ended up at the mall in Akron. Unfortunately it's pretty ghetto and has a lot of ghetto people in it, so didn't see anyone I really wanted to approach. I could of probably seen a girl in a girl store but I'm not really interested in going in a girl store. I guess I could chalk that up as an excuse.
> 
> Went to target by the mall and saw one girl but she looked like a hippy hipster and that doesn't really float my boat. Not sure whether or not to chalk that up as an excuse.
> 
> By that time I'm beginning to think of why I probably went to bars in the first place. First, it's close. Second, it has a lot of girls in one spot. So I weighed out the options in my head: do I want to drive around all the time hopefully running into a girl in a store, or do I want to go to a couple bars nearby where I know girls will be? I guess I'm becoming more in favor of bars. So it looks like at this point both stores and bars are on my radar.
> 
> Other than that, nothing special. I almost died trying to stop my car in the blizzard and spun and did a 90 degree turn right before a busy intersection so that was fun. Having a ****ty car doesn't really have any perks I've found out yet besides not paying any bills besides car insurance
> 
> But something that kind of also struck me was this whole "momentum" thing. Basically, just going out with the idea of approaching girls helps me stay motivated in a way. It's like when you don't want to do something but go out anyway and you find inspiration kind of thing.
> 
> Might go out tonight to a bar if the weather and roads clear up a bit. No booze tonight though!


Good for you. I've called it a year probably the best year of my life not just with women but career moved out had fun education. Now I'm setting up 2013. It seems unrealistic that anything good can happen in the ten days that remain.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Guess so mate... it seems recently with women I have spoken to, its been the case of them clearly being really into me, over complimenting me but then because I wont do everything they want me to do (like if im doing something and they ask to talk on the phone, I wont stop what im doing just to talk to them).
> 
> After my experience of approaching and pulling a girl the other day, the same thing happened that often happens online. She was really interested and even said about how I seem 1 of them decent guys who isnt just after 1 thing. Then before you know it shes sending me half/full nude pics and telling me what she would like to do in bed.
> 
> Its just too similar to online women. Online seems to have the same thing where im being chatted up to the extreme, things seem all good, then they just wont text back. Weeks later they get back in touch saying "hey stranger" etc.... we speak for a few days, they give more compliments until they just stop contacting me again


I think online a lot of girls have more options than normal and so they are likely dating a few guys at once. I think that explains for the weird maniac-disappearing-reappearing behavior. Guys do the same thing when put in a similar situation because dating multiple people is a lot and takes a lot of attention per person. Naturally, you will give those who you are most interested in the most attention. If the girl chooses you over the other guys then she'll give you more time and won't be so sporadic towards you. I personally think if the girl like syou the best then she will eventually choose you, and the guys who she's not as interested in she will continue being sporadic with until she eventually moves on from them. In other words, if a girl is sporadic towards you then it's not usually a good sign. Girls who are interested to a high degree--the degree to seriously date you--will not be sporadic unless they are socially retarded, which is rare.

As far as the whole ignoring thing goes, I don't think it's necessary unless the girl is being too abrasive, then it's good to just chill back because she's kind of smothering you. Some people think that ignoring girls is the answer, but it's not.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Good for you. I've called it a year probably the best year of my life not just with women but career moved out had fun education. Now I'm setting up 2013. It seems unrealistic that anything good can happen in the ten days that remain.


Why wait for new years? It's just a silly date  Technically, any day is a good day


----------



## phoenixwright

Blizzard? Man you people in Ohio are unlucky. It's been a pretty mild winter in Toronto thus far.  I haven't had to buy winter tires yet.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> I think online a lot of girls have more options than normal and so they are likely dating a few guys at once. I think that explains for the weird maniac-disappearing-reappearing behavior. Guys do the same thing when put in a similar situation because dating multiple people is a lot and takes a lot of attention per person. Naturally, you will give those who you are most interested in the most attention. If the girl chooses you over the other guys then she'll give you more time and won't be so sporadic towards you. I personally think if the girl like syou the best then she will eventually choose you, and the guys who she's not as interested in she will continue being sporadic with until she eventually moves on from them. In other words, if a girl is sporadic towards you then it's not usually a good sign. Girls who are interested to a high degree--the degree to seriously date you--will not be sporadic unless they are socially retarded, which is rare.
> 
> As far as the whole ignoring thing goes, I don't think it's necessary unless the girl is being too abrasive, then it's good to just chill back because she's kind of smothering you. Some people think that ignoring girls is the answer, but it's not.


I guess your right with that. I think though isnt it like putting people second best? Such as maybe thinking im nice etc, then someone else comes along, them dump me off, stuff doesnt go well with the other person so they come running back?

My luck is usually nobodys interested then 10 women are all in 1 go. Im sure if I just halted contact while I got to know some other girl better, then crawled back to them after a while they wouldnt want to know.

I bit the bullet and did message my ex from years ago on the dating site. I think at the time with her I was pretty depressed which screwed it up. Now im well over her and not so depressed I can see totally what I missed out on and it could of been something that worked well.

Shes quite a stubborn girl though, I recall her saying some of her ex's wanted to get back with her but she never gets back with an ex. Also it didnt help that towards the end of things I self harmed in front of her and after we ended she found out I did a line of cocaine and text "...and you wonder why I wont get back with you".

Who knows though. I guess I just had to message her. I reckon she will reply but it could be a brief chat before she stops responding (guessing I should slip in going for a drink to catch up as soon as I can )

Will post any good or bad news


----------



## NoName99

I think I just had my second _second_ date in my life. That'd be a good thing, if not for the fact that I'm at least 10 years behind her in development and life experience. And she's 5 years younger. Yeah, feels great. Oops, this was supposed to be a positive post.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Blizzard? Man you people in Ohio are unlucky. It's been a pretty mild winter in Toronto thus far.  I haven't had to buy winter tires yet.


It just started snowing heavy today. It hasn't been bad at all until today.



pete24 said:


> I guess your right with that. I think though isnt it like putting people second best? Such as maybe thinking im nice etc, then someone else comes along, them dump me off, stuff doesnt go well with the other person so they come running back?
> 
> My luck is usually nobodys interested then 10 women are all in 1 go. Im sure if I just halted contact while I got to know some other girl better, then crawled back to them after a while they wouldnt want to know.


I think it's a little more black and white than that. I think usually if the girl decides she wants to date you seriously then she will, and she won't just "dump you off" that easily. I think if a girl really likes you enough to seriously date you then she's kind of made up her mind in a way and then the whole "respect" thing comes into play and more attachment takes place. I don't have much experience with dating multiple people, but from what I've experienced being in that position, I wasn't serious enough to date any of the girls for w/e reason and then I met a girl who really got me by the heels and it moved exclusively with her. I liked her so much that it happened naturally and everyone else I wasn't too seriously interested in they just kind of faded out, which they would have anyway because I wasn't serious with them. I think girls do the same thing. I honestly think that's probably the best way to do it actually because you've both made a decision to date each other exclusively without feeling desperate and that's when attachment and stuff happens and respect and all that jazz.

That's how it usually works for me too, I'll get rejected left and right and out of the blue girls will start liking me. I think it has to do more with the fact that I'm approaching more during those times. It seems like it takes forever and then it accelerates, and like I said, I think that's because I find like a groove and am approaching more or doing more. But that's just a guess anyway.

Take your instance for example, not long ago you were feeling suicidal and wanted to drink away your "sadness" and then all the sudden now you're dating lots of people. That didn't happen by coincidence. If you look back I can guarantee you it's because your approaching more either online and offline. Once you slow down so will your dating life I've found.


----------



## Zeeshan

NoName99 said:


> if not for the fact that I'm at least 10 years behind her in development and life experience.


experience is overrated, courage and will matters only.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I just typed out a a full field report and a little section about eye contact only for my computer to shut down. Bleh. 

Keep up the good work fellas, blizzards 'n all.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I just typed out a a full field report and a little section about eye contact only for my computer to shut down. Bleh.
> 
> Keep up the good work fellas, blizzards 'n all.


Honestly, I have to give you mad props for doing what you're doing. You're doing EXACTLY what you need to be doing. What I'm learning right now is that even the little baby steps build momentum. I just came back from the bars and it's still incredibly bad out. But from taking time off, going out without approaching, talking about it, etc., it's building up a desire to want to keep at it. I was going to sit in telling myself the roads aren't good and that no one was going to be out, but what I found was the roads were drivable (lol) and people WERE out, not too much, but they were! I didn't go in but I promise myself, come blizzard, how I feel etc., I am going to do some approaches at the bar tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts.

I'll try to keep my posts a little shorter because I see they are taking up a **** ton of space, but you guys are probably going to see more posts from me because I'm getting excited and motivated again.

How about we start posting things we learned that inspired us?

Things I learned tonight: baby steps ("micro-momentum") not only get you more comfortable but they build up an urgency/desire to continue. Lack of motivation? Do some baby steps, or something that is right on the edge of your comfort zone and keep going at it and things will build in your favor!

Tomorrow, I promise there will be a report from the bars from me. I'll put a report as a title if it's a report.

Hell yeah, keep going if your going already! It's really motivating!


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> experience is overrated, courage and will matters only.


will > courage > experience

in that order! :b

if you got the will you can build courage, and experience will give an added sense of comfort. if you don't have the will then you won't even desire to do much


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> will > courage > experience
> 
> in that order! :b
> 
> if you got the will you can build courage, and experience will give an added sense of comfort. if you don't have the will then you won't even desire to do much


What are your goal for 2013?


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> I think I just had my second _second_ date in my life. That'd be a good thing, if not for the fact that I'm at least 10 years behind her in development and life experience. And she's 5 years younger. Yeah, feels great. Oops, this was supposed to be a positive post.


Dude...that's awesome. 5 years younger is a good thing! I know it seems tough but just do your best and try to be as positive as possible. And if the moment seems right, make your move! You can do this, I wish you the best of luck and I hope to hear updates on this situation.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> If you got the balls to go direct then more power to you. Direct is very good approach. If you don't have the confidence to go direct and you want to be more subtle, I don't see a problem going indirect as well depending on the situation as long as you go direct at some point in the interaction. Direct is definitely good to open with and probably best for a lot of situations, I agree.
> 
> Going direct is like the default opener if there was ever a default opener. You can do it under any circumstance and it can work just as long as your vibe isn't all weird.
> 
> It is the hardest because it cuts to the chase and you really have to be able to carry the conversation or else the girl may be a bit overtaken by the opener. In the end, however, do whatever you feel comfortable with. It's not always best to think too deeply about these things unless you're trying to find confidence before you go out and meet girls. You don't want to be thinking too much while you are out there. I've found it's best to feel confident about a way you want to approach before you head out that way you can just do it without really thinking too much.


The thing about indirect that bothers me is that I have to think of some intricate story to tell and entertain her. It's almost like I need to have canned openers, or at least that's how I feel like.


----------



## rymo

Ivan AG said:


> The thing about indirect that bothers me is that I have to think of some intricate story to tell and entertain her. It's almost like I need to have canned openers, or at least that's how I feel like.


Have you been approaching girls recently? Just curious your status in the past month?


----------



## pete24

Sooo an old x I messaged on dating site, seems ok, maybe keen, meeting day after boxing day.... hmmm


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> You live you learn. It's all gravy
> 
> It's good she was honest with you about what she wanted. See, no hurt feelings? For the most part, this is why guys like when girls are honest. Yeah, it sucks to be rejected, but it gets it over with, and it sure beats playing the guessing game. My rule is 2 strikes basically. I let the first strike slip depending, bt if it happens again then it's a clear indicator she's not interested. Three strikes and that's not really necessary in my opinion.
> 
> This is dating though, you win some and you lose some.


Yes I prefer it when women are direct and honest.

I consider this a positive outcome and one that I expected. I'm poor at connecting with people, especially women since with men you can get away with relating to each other via shared interests and not so much with more personal conversation. So it would be nice to have a female friend that I hang out with in-person. If I find it difficult to build rapport with women on dates, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have female friends. And if it may be the case that she is attracted to me, things could evolve into something more in the future if she feels ready for a relationship then. I could get to know her on an intimate level at the moment (I'm not talking physical stuff) while I message, approach and date other women. And even if you believed in the friend zone, I made my intentions crystal clear in the beginning (I didn't actually tell her "I think you're cute, I kinda like you" but I made it so obvious to the point that she felt like she needed to add in that disclaimer that she's not looking for a relationship at this point in life). There are guys who don't have the courage to tell their crush of many years that they like them.

I want to start a message or approach 1 girl a day challenge (a female friend dared me to make it 5 a day. lol). Because I understand that I'm not contacting as many girls as I should. And as much as I ***** and moan, my contact to date conversion rate is pretty good. I'm an attractive guy and this helps convert contacts to dates. My weakness lies with social awkwardness and building rapport with people. That's why things go sour on the first and especially second date.

Even though I know I should contact girls more, I have trouble finding the motivation to unfortunately. I have to talk with the girl first in order to get excited. Or I have to experience that "love at first sight" feeling (which I only ever experience in-person, never online). So for me, contacting a girl feels like work. It only stops feeling like work if after contacting her or her contacting me, I get a good feeling about the potential there.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Why wait for new years? It's just a silly date  Technically, any day is a good day


For me its important. I want to get more clear on what I want for myself and go after it. I feel like for the most part I've been drifting aimlessly through however if I get clear on what I want I'll be more likely to get there. No different then a business


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

OK, so I was out for 16 hours in total yesterday, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse to not hop around the bars in the freezing cold rain tonight. I watched a Julien video recently and he talked about landing in Australia after a series of flights lasting 40 hours. Even though he was jet lagged and in a new country for the first time, he still fought off the excuses and went out solo.


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> OK, so I was out for 16 hours in total yesterday, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse to not hop around the bars in the freezing cold rain tonight. I watched a Julien video recently and he talked about landing in Australia after a series of flights lasting 40 hours. Even though he was jet lagged and in a new country for the first time, he still fought off the excuses and went out solo.


what did you do for 16 hours?


----------



## pete24

Do you guys ever get twitchy with SA? had someone say earlier that I seemed nervy and not settled/jumpy hmmmm


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Do you guys ever get twitchy with SA? had someone say earlier that I seemed nervy and not settled/jumpy hmmmm


everyone gets nervous sometimes. no big dealo


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> everyone gets nervous sometimes. no big dealo


This is all the time tho, like anyone I dont know well or at all, I always seem like im scared, it surprises some people that im not on drugs and in fact makes it hard for them to believe im not. I remember meeting a good friends mates years ago and 1 of them hated me, asking what drug im on and basically ripped into me when I kept saying im not on drugs.

Oh yea was gonna update bout ex on dating site... so we have 2 massive pages of convos, like hours of talk.... even arranged the drinks of course. But then...

She didnt give me much to go on with near final message... and my reply was something like "yea it will xx". Then her status went to busy so I thought its the key moment (to give my number).

Said I gotta pop off for a bit and gave my number.... no reply but message also not read. A few hours later I check inbox and shows as message read (she was online in the last hour at that time) and no text or reply.... hmmm... bear in mind it was only 8pm so she wouldnt expect me to be in bed.

really dunno now, the worst part I thought was asking her to go for a drink with me but she agreed to hmmm


----------



## bsd3355

I'm done with bars for a while. Everything in me does not want to go to them anymore. Sorry guys, need to find other places.


Let's get some ideas...

10 places besides bars/clubs to meet girls?


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan said:


> what did you do for 16 hours?


Hit up two shopping malls in the big city. Really pushed my comfort zone all day long and remained pretty solid throughout.

A few things I want to talk about after checking off reference point after reference point, are eye contact & pinging off the environment. EC is a little weird for me as I'm able to really lock on and hold women's gazes. I'm not sure if the meditation is playing a part (eyes open), but I'm actually at a point where I get a slight kick out of it. Being in shopping centers for hours on end yesterday I really pushed it and although the results varied, there were a few girls who reciprocated for a good few seconds and the intensity was huge and with each girl my confidence rose. Whether that was result of not being the first to look away or just holding an attractive girls gaze I'm not sure. I implore you to go out try this. Again, it's a baby step, but I was and still am feeling like such a boss.

Tonight I went into a bar for the very first time and spent a good hour there talking to a few people, one of whom was a girl. I was probably in autopilot mode looking back, but I couldn't help but notice how much she and the other girls pinged off the environment. Literally every two minutes they were distracted. Toilets, friends, drink, dancing, smoking, just all over the place. I couldn't really see it until now, but this is clearly why the likes of Julien go in so strong and aggressive. You simply have to make you alone her reality so she doesn't ping off the environment.

I got drenched with rain on the way home, but it was well worth it as if you'd have told me two months ago I would be in a bar talking to a random girl I wouldn't have thought it possible. Amazing.



bwidger85 said:


> I'm done with bars for a while. Everything in me does not want to go to them anymore. Sorry guys, need to find other places.
> 
> Let's get some ideas...
> 
> 10 places besides bars/clubs to meet girls?


What don't you like about bars bwidger? Coffee houses and movie theaters would be good places to go during the night. Anything during the day I guess.


----------



## feverfew

bwidger85 said:


> I'm done with bars for a while. Everything in me does not want to go to them anymore. Sorry guys, need to find other places.
> 
> Let's get some ideas...
> 
> 10 places besides bars/clubs to meet girls?


I don't have any ideas but I'd be interested in this, as I've never cared for bars/clubs :yes


----------



## pete24

tell you what, this girl I interacted with...

No offence, but she was the fattest pig in the world at school, then now wtf, slim as a pencil (looks a bit ill too, maybe anorexic..). Added her on FB, few nice messages sent etc. Wham bam thank you ham (no play on words to the pig phrase). I will be totally stunned if im shot down... Probably will be now I said that...but still. confidence boosting and this was as good as approaching direct.


edit: shes keen, back on the ball, she owns her own business, is ok... but.... too skinny for me.... I already cant imagine myself holding hands with her in public *pukes* so worse if I got with her. I did get her number tho in under 5 mins (It sounded like I could of told her to jump in bed with me now as she would of), personal record, I cant even remember her name now though.

Just glad to be changed. Months ago I was moping around miserable, now as my updates show, woman after woman, its not even hard, all you guys can do it too!!!


----------



## bsd3355

Yeah, I think I'm going to stick to stores or other places from now on. Bars are good if you want to go there but I don't. There's pros and cons to stores and bars but w/e. The con about stores is the freakin' time it takes and the randomness of it, but it's w/e. Also, you need to buy **** (for me, cheap stuff, like dollar water or something) or else they think you're stealing stuff or something lol. Earlier in the year I could of swore I had undercover watching me at Walmart, which was weird as hell lol. All this **** sounds strange but not too many places when you sit down and think about it. I don't live in a big city or anything so my options are slim unfortunately. A little over 2 weeks and school starts back up so idc. Rather do that then go to bars tbh. It's kind of funny when I think back a couple years ago. I remember all these people telling me I'd never find anyone in a bar. You know the common saying, "all you'll ever find is drunks and people who want sex in bars!" or "you'll never find someone in a bar!" Lol. Boy were they wrong! Just goes to show you how pessimistic people are.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> What don't you like about bars bwidger? Coffee houses and movie theaters would be good places to go during the night. Anything during the day I guess.


I don't like the environment, going alone and going to the same small couple bars over and then being forced to stay there as if I'm enjoying myself. Tbh, I'm not sure if I'm making the best decision but w/e

This isn't to say bars don't work, and usually I don't like cutting options off, but this is a personal choice of mine. Bars can be great places to meet people if that's where you decide to go and go through the motions.


----------



## Hawx79

I really would like to have a relationship with a girl but i feel i just dont have the energy anymore to convince a girl to be mine, i just cant deal with that **** anymore.


----------



## rymo

Hawx79 said:


> I really would like to have a relationship with a girl but i feel i just dont have the energy anymore to convince a girl to be mine, i just cant deal with that **** anymore.


Convince a girl? Can you elaborate on that a bit?


----------



## nubly

rymo said:


> Convince a girl? Can you elaborate on that a bit?


Cavemen had it so easy. All you had to do was club a girl.


----------



## NoName99

rymo said:


> Dude...that's awesome. 5 years younger is a good thing! I know it seems tough but just do your best and try to be as positive as possible. And if the moment seems right, make your move! You can do this, I wish you the best of luck and I hope to hear updates on this situation.


Well... sh*t. I spent the entire night with her at her place yesterday up until 8am, we talked and talked and the more I talked about myself, the closer she tried to get. I told her I've never had a girlfriend and she didn't even blink. She's really trying to get physical and told me she dreamed about us hugging and kissing... but dammit I'm panicking. This whole thing is making me very very very uneasy, because I don't know what the hell is happening. It's going too fast. I don't know what I want, I don't know if I want to kiss her, I don't know if I'm ready for this, I don't know where this is going... I don't know jack. I'm feeling pressured and I just want to run and hide. ****.


----------



## stoolie

NoName99 said:


> Well... sh*t. I spent the entire night with her at her place yesterday up until 8am, we talked and talked and the more I talked about myself, the closer she tried to get. I told her I've never had a girlfriend and she didn't even blink. She's really trying to get physical and told me she dreamed about us hugging and kissing... but dammit I'm panicking. This whole thing is making me very very very uneasy, because I don't know what the hell is happening. It's going too fast. I don't know what I want, I don't know if I want to kiss her, I don't know if I'm ready for this, I don't know where this is going... I don't know jack. I'm feeling pressured and I just want to run and hide. ****.


Man, what I would give to be in your situation.
Either try to act on it and kiss her next time or tell her you need some help.
I don't think she would mind.


----------



## NateDEEzy

@Noname

Get your testosterone levels checked. Also, this type of behavior is totally normal, it's okay to be nervous, however not to the point of hindering you from progressing and finding happiness. Maybe smoke a little MJ next time you two hang out, this will calm your nerves. No one should have to live so afraid of human contact.. Best of luck my man !


----------



## rymo

NoName99 said:


> Well... sh*t. I spent the entire night with her at her place yesterday up until 8am, we talked and talked and the more I talked about myself, the closer she tried to get. I told her I've never had a girlfriend and she didn't even blink. She's really trying to get physical and told me she dreamed about us hugging and kissing... but dammit I'm panicking. This whole thing is making me very very very uneasy, because I don't know what the hell is happening. It's going too fast. I don't know what I want, I don't know if I want to kiss her, I don't know if I'm ready for this, I don't know where this is going... I don't know jack. I'm feeling pressured and I just want to run and hide. ****.


When I met the girl who would become my first girlfriend, I was frrrreeeaking out. It was the end of our second date and I knew I wanted to kiss her, but what if I did and she didn't want to? What if I completely overstep my bounds, or do it wrong? Little did I know until later on that there is nothing about going for a kiss that is overstepping bounds if there is some chemistry between two people, and it's also really hard to mess up a kiss ;p Anyway - I dropped her off at her house and I was about to go for it but I got far too nervous and just hugged her instead. I felt defeated and deflated. But as I started separating from her my whole miserable life flashed before my eyes. I was thinking about my lack of experience, all of my embarrassing moments, everything that I felt was wrong with me. And I was sick of it. I was done feeling sorry for myself. This was a new stage in my life. So **** not going for it. I looked at her and actually said "**** it" out loud and then kissed her. Victory.

I urge you to do the same. Not to imply that your life has been miserable, but only that this is the start of a turning point that will make it that much better. There is truly nothing to worry about. Hell, she actually said she DREAMED about kissing you! WOW! Talk about an open door if I've ever seen one. Your mind is racing and it's making things seem far more complicated than they actually are. But let's look at the facts:

- You have a girl who you like, and who likes you
- She WANTS to kiss you. She dreams about it (you hunk of man meat, you)
- *crickets churping*...I can't think of anything else. The point is this is something you want to do deep down but your anxious mind is reaching for every possible reason why it's NOT right. Why you don't deserve to have this in your life. It's so new to you and you always thought it wouldn't happen, so you're going to be at max level nervousness. But I promise you, once you lock lips and let things happen, that anxiety will start washing away quite rapidly. Being physical won't be a big deal for long!


----------



## phoenixwright

NoName99 are girls in Portugal this forward? I need to go visit the home country! lol (my parents were born in Portugal but I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada).


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> and it's also really hard to mess up a kiss ;p


I must be the only one In the world who does this :-(


----------



## pete24

Fails all round with women now. The girl I went to school with hasnt been in contact. 2 keen women from dating sites whos numbers I had havent bothered with me for quite a few days. The girl I approached in person only bothers with me when shes bored. 

The old ex on a dating site has completely blown me off. I am ****ing fuming though really, I would of preferred a "im not interested" rather than reply to all my messages, agree to meet me for drinks the day after boxing day, then ignore all messages from me the moment I gave her my number. Complete ***** who im not gonna bother with anymore.

Theres some hot blonde I met on badoo, but she is obviously a slag. She gave me her number after a long chat and said she isnt going to be using the site anymore as its full of losers, and im the only person shes chatted with properly. However after texting each other she has things like my job, where I live, and what I even look like mixed up so clearly she was talking rubbish.

Felt pretty crap so txt a girl I knew a while back, same old though, we txt, she said she would like to meet, then I hear nothing back from her (If I remember right the last few times we arranged to meet she told me she was on her way but wouldnt bother turning up).

A single mum added me on FB, however shes not my type in the slightest. 

The only girl who even bothers with me now and still stays in touch often was 1 from POF ages ago. When we were due to meet last time though she let me down and couldnt make it. Also she is pretty much a slag. When we started chatting she said about this guy giving her love bites that weekend, then earlier she was going on about her and an ex having sex in her bed and her mum caught her.... Put me off her bigtime.

Everything was promising barely a week ago, now its multiple times of being shot down in such a short space of time...


----------



## bsd3355

^Gotta love the string of rejections and flakes, eh?


Guys, I'm all over the place with this bar thing. I don't think I'm going to cancel it out. My problem is it sounds good during the day and then when the time comes I usually don't want to go out. It's mainly excuses and a mind over matter type deal. I just need to force myself to go out.

Even though it's christmas tomorrow I still want to go out tomorrow and see what I can do. Probably not the best idea to go to stores during that time but I plan on doing that, and maybe go to a bar or two that evening because it's supposedly "ladies night" on tuesday evenings lol, but I think tuesdays are kind of dead but w/e.

I'm not going to promise anything right now because obviously I keep making excuses when the time comes, but I know how I am and I know I'll be out there soon. All that has been going on since the 5th of this month is procrastination and excuses.

I honestly can't see myself wanting to do much else. Something about this time in my life where this stuff is extremely important to me. For the most part, I feel good about who I am, it's just going to be going through with it even if I don't want to go out.


----------



## pete24

Yea dude.Its like just as you finally believe you are getting somewhere with people, it all goes to pot in 1 big go


----------



## NoName99

phoenixwright said:


> NoName99 are girls in Portugal this forward? I need to go visit the home country! lol (my parents were born in Portugal but I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada).


I have no idea. I've never had much contact with girls. This one clearly is though :afr


----------



## NoName99

rymo said:


> ...


:lol Funny post as ever, rymo... I'm going to have to think this through. My mind is kind of foggy at the moment with all this and other things going on in my life all at once. Maybe that's just an excuse... but I need time to figure things out. I've just turned 30, so it's a whole deeply engraved lifestyle I have to unlearn. This is radically different from anything I'm used to. I can't just rush into it. Well, maybe I could, but I don't want to.

Ah **** I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. We'll see how things progress... I'll be sending in more field reports...


----------



## bsd3355

*Good video for approaching in bars/clubs*

This is one of the better bar scenario "how to approach" videos I've seen in a while. It actually gave me some ideas. For the record, no one is saying you have to be a sleazeball, but just understand that when you're in a busy/loud environment like a bar or club, what he says in this video is pretty important (and I don't even typically like what this guy has to say usually, but this time it's pretty good). If you don't learn anything from this video then that's cool, and if you don't like this guy then that's fine too. I'm not trying to promote any company or "attitude" or anything; I genuinely think this video will offer some good insight, so take it for the value it gives. No one says you have to be a mock up of RSD dudes, and no one says you have to "close" as in having sex with a girl you just met, BUT I don't think that's a bad thing either. I think a lot of guys try so hard to be someone they aren't, especially when they are insecure or inexperienced, so this is why I am saying what I'm saying now. This video is to simply give ideas and insights, and I am showing you because I think it has some valuable information in it or else I would not show it to you. If you don't like how he presents himself or his attitude about "stuff" or women then that's fine, but like I said, I am not showing this video to promote any attitude or movement; only for the value it offers in information...

I'll leave a link to the video as it has some cuss words and talks about sex a lot and stuff and I'm trying to respect the rules of this forum...but once again, i think this video has some good information in it, especially for bar/club scenarios:


----------



## Zeeshan

I swear winter is such a downer, its a game killer. Its frickin cold outside, so you gotta bundle up. I am one of those guys thats not meant to dress for winter. I wish i lived somewhere west, i am fairly certain i would not be dealing with the same issues


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I swear winter is such a downer, its a game killer. Its frickin cold outside, so you gotta bundle up. I am one of those guys thats not meant to dress for winter. I wish i lived somewhere west, i am fairly certain i would not be dealing with the same issues


I know what ya mean but it's still possible (very possible).

I don't mean to be a downer either, but that's one reason I don't like holidays because it's hard to do your thang when everyone isn't out lol. I'm probably going ot head out for the hell of it in a few hours just to do it and see what happens.

That video I posted last night actually motivated me to go to some bars because when he talks about "setting the rhythm of the interaction" (@ 31:32 in video) that's something I don't usually do so it's kind of interesting to see if that works, ya know?


----------



## phoenixwright

That SA girl I was supposed to go out for coffee with on Monday (Christmas Eve) e-mailed me the night before (it was a long email to boot) that her sister, cousin and their fiances were coming over (she had the whole house to herself prior because her parents went away for a few days) for Christmas Eve. And mentioned that with all the crazy Christmas stuff this week, she would have to reschedule until mid-late next week.

I don't know why she'd have to reschedule over a week *after* our scheduled time. Christmas doesn't last for a week. We could have had coffee on Thursday/Friday of this week or something.

I don't think she wants to actually meet 1 on 1. I don't like being given the runaround. How "busy" can you be that you need over a week to reschedule? I'm the one who actually works full-time, volunteers and has a social life (whenever I bring this up it seems like I'm a douche who looks down on her but I don't. I'm just making the point that I have a busier life and yet I still make time for engagements). I don't know if trying to reschedule with her is even worth it. If it is just going to end up making me look like some fool. She has the time to RSVP for a Toastmasters on Friday (which isn't going to happen btw. There are no events until the new year at our chapter. She doesn't know that yet). But she doesn't have the time to meet me for coffee this week?

The more prideful, egotistical side of me wants to just not talk to her at all. Not at group or anything. This side of me is angry with her. The more compassionate, nice guy side just wants to write this off as her being socially anxious and needing to be patient with her while I go message/approach other women who are actually "in the game" so to speak.


----------



## arnie

I'm driving to the airport. 8)


----------



## Isabelle50

> I don't know why she'd have to reschedule over a week *after* our scheduled time. Christmas doesn't last for a week.


Christmas is an _insane_ time of year. If she's having family over its totally possible that they will be there for several days so its just not convenient. I would not want to have a first date in the days immediately before or after Christmas... just sayin'


----------



## feverfew

phoenixwright said:


> I don't know why she'd have to reschedule over a week *after* our scheduled time. Christmas doesn't last for a week. We could have had coffee on Thursday/Friday of this week or something.


The family could be staying over til the New Year. It is like the only time of year when two major holidays/celebrations are a week apart.



> I don't think she wants to actually meet 1 on 1. I don't like being given the runaround. How "busy" can you be that you need over a week to reschedule? I'm the one who actually works full-time, volunteers and has a social life (whenever I bring this up it seems like I'm a douche who looks down on her but I don't. I'm just making the point that I have a busier life and yet I still make time for engagements). I don't know if trying to reschedule with her is even worth it. If it is just going to end up making me look like some fool. She has the time to RSVP for a Toastmasters on Friday (which isn't going to happen btw. There are no events until the new year at our chapter. She doesn't know that yet). But she doesn't have the time to meet me for coffee this week?
> 
> The more prideful, egotistical side of me wants to just not talk to her at all. Not at group or anything. This side of me is angry with her. The more compassionate, nice guy side just wants to write this off as her being socially anxious and needing to be patient with her while I go message/approach other women who are actually "in the game" so to speak.


I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she has SA. I wouldn't worry about it too much anyway. She was straight forward that she didn't want a relationship, so it isn't a big deal. Just think, if you scheduled a time to get drinks with some guy just to be buds, you probably wouldn't care if he rescheduled for family reasons. What is the difference here?


----------



## phoenixwright

feverfew said:


> I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she has SA. I wouldn't worry about it too much anyway. She was straight forward that she didn't want a relationship, so it isn't a big deal. Just think, if you scheduled a time to get drinks with some guy just to be buds, you probably wouldn't care if he rescheduled for family reasons. What is the difference here?


You are playing stupid.  lol. Of course you know the answer.


----------



## scarpia

NoName99 said:


> Well... sh*t. I spent the entire night with her at her place yesterday up until 8am, we talked and talked and the more I talked about myself, the closer she tried to get. I told her I've never had a girlfriend and she didn't even blink.


 It seems pretty odd that she doesn't care that a 30 yo guy has never had a gf. To most woman that would be a major red flag.

But you better do something fast bud. Women used to show some interest in me - until I hit about age 32-33. That could happen to you and then you might have a very very hard time getting opportunities.


----------



## Barette

phoenixwright said:


> You are playing stupid.  lol. Of course you know the answer.


Why are you putting so much pressure on the situation with her? Because you don't get this feeling often? Even with that reason, it just seems like a lot of pressure right off the bat, when you haven't even met up outside the group yet. And like someone else has said, maybe her family is staying with her still? Even if they aren't, if she's got social anxiety, she might need a break to recover since dealing with a bunch of people in her house and then having to have a date. Those things are very stressful for someone with anxiety. You really aren't cutting her any slack considering you don't even know her well enough to know what's going on with her.

It really doesn't sound like you'd be able to date her, with all these expectations you have put on her when you haven't even gone out yet. I'd move on, lol, cause it doesn't seem like it'd work anyway.


----------



## phoenixwright

scarpia said:


> It seems pretty odd that she doesn't care that a 30 yo guy has never had a gf. To most woman that would be a major red flag.
> 
> But you better do something fast bud. Women used to show some interest in me - until I hit about age 32-33. That could happen to you and then you might have a very very hard time getting opportunities.


Having volunteered in a mental health setting, I remember talking to this woman in her 40s who was dating a guy around her age who never had a girlfriend. And she was thinking of breaking up with him ONLY because he was moving too slowly for her. And she has made it clear to him that she likes him and everything.

There are women who will reject you for being girlfriend-less at 30 obviously. But there are women who are understanding about the social anxiety thing or conditions like Asperger's Syndrome who will "get it". However, the girl may lose patience with you if you don't show a willingness to meet her half-way or you just simply can't.


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## Isabelle50

Its always weird to me when people put expectations on others that they would struggle to meet themselves. Taking 2 days to respond to an email is only slightly more than average and for someone with SA or depression it could easily be _weeks_ before you reply. You yourself suffer from some of these issues (hence the reason you're on SAS), have some compassion and cut this girl some slack. You're holding her to a higher standard than you hold yourself.


----------



## phoenixwright

I actually purchased a "A-List" membership with OkCupid (if I find that it's a waste of $9.95/month, I can always cancel after one month right?). It allows me to freely check out girls profiles in invisible mode while being able to see who visited my profile. I can also see who rated me highly. And you get some other bonuses. 

I looked at the list of women who rated me highly and one of the girls was pretty hot. But in her profile she put down that she gets >50 messages a day from guys so that you have to say something to really grab her attention for her to respond. lol.

I feel discouraged from wanting to message her because I feel like it would be a waste of my time to come up with something to message her. But it's flattering at least that she thinks I'm cute. lol.

I don't understand how things skew this sharply in online dating. For every single guy out there, there is a single girl. A little more or less. Online dating is more skewed towards men (Last I checked there was a 2.79:1 single male:female skew in my area on OkCupid) but still. >50 messages a day! lol. How does this mathematically compute? With a 2.79:1 single male:female skew and a girl getting >50 messages/day, you'd think there would be plenty of average (or less) girls who are getting very few messages. But apparently they get messaged too. What is going on here exactly? lol.


----------



## Isabelle50

I don't really know what the deal is with online dating (never having been online). I do hear its pretty skewed but I can't imagine why, although worldwide there are more men than women (thank you gender stereotypes) its about even in the "western world" so I don't know why online it would be so different.

Seems odd to me, but thats how it is.


----------



## bsd3355

freakin' blizzard again today but still going out later


----------



## phoenixwright

Isabelle50 said:


> I don't really know what the deal is with online dating (never having been online). I do hear its pretty skewed but I can't imagine why, although worldwide there are more men than women (thank you gender stereotypes) its about even in the "western world" so I don't know why online it would be so different.
> 
> Seems odd to me, but thats how it is.


It's not like this with every dating site. Some paid dating sites are more evened out. But for free ones like OkCupid and I'm guessing POF (though I do have a premium account with OKC now), it's a sausage fest.

I'm not sure why but I think it's because it's not that hard for most women to find somebody outside of dating sites (ie. That SA girl I approached is practically a recluse. Even recluse girls get approached so as long as they leave their house for 5 minutes! lol). Meanwhile guys need to have some balls and/or "connections" (meeting girls through your social circle) in order to meet girls in real-life.

Male:female skew aside, the whole >50 messages/day thing still does not compute. That's just ridiculous. lol.


----------



## hypestyle

should I join with a "wingman/pick up" social group for guys? I see a listing on meetup.com, heh. anybody tried this? One of my semi-dealbreakers is that I rarely drink (I have yet to find a beer I really "like" rather than just tolerate, and I never got into hard liquor), and i'm trying to cut back on soda; a lot of "action" seems to take place at bars and pubs.. sheesh..


----------



## Zeeshan

Isabelle50 said:


> I don't really know what the deal is with online dating (never having been online). I do hear its pretty skewed but I can't imagine why, although worldwide there are more men than women (thank you gender stereotypes) its about even in the "western world" so I don't know why online it would be so different.
> 
> Seems odd to me, but thats how it is.


its not so odd. Just look at your SAS profile, you have been here a month and have more messages and friends than me, all men.

Men screw themselves by using mass messages and seeing what hits. The sad part is that these men rarely get anywhere. Online its really easy to lie about height and salary, if you were to judge the economy by men's dating profiles, you would think that we would be living on utopia.

If these guys do get anywhere, the truth comes out the first date or so.

anyhow i am done with online dating, its just has very few quality women. A lot of women are flat out lying about their weight, i have been on at least 5 dates where this has happend.

Its just not worth the time or effort. Plus my real dating life has become somewhat decent so its just not for me. I compare online dating to a lot like shopping in the clearance section, its only in the clearance section because no one wanted it. Sure there is good useful stuff in there, and every so often there is a gem, but the time spent on hunting for anything useful its just not worth it


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> It's not like this with every dating site. Some paid dating sites are more evened out.l.


that was the perception i had. However after paying for one of those sites, i realized that it was just the same. Just not worth the money.

Hard to compete, when every other guy online has washboard abs, is over 6 feet tall, and is bringing in 6 figures a year.


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## komorikun

How can you lie about your weight on a dating site? They only ask for height on most dating sites, not weight.


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## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> How can you lie about your weight on a dating site? They only ask for height on most dating sites, not weight.


all sites ask about body type. most girls answer thin (Which is really strange, because i guess the definition of thin has changed drastically.

A large percentage of women online are overweight, which makes sense since overweight women are the least likely to get attention offline.

After months on POF this summer, i have devised a new scale

Girl says thin = is thin
Girl says thin = is chubby, using old or angled picture.
Girl says average = True, if we are using the average of macdonalds workers.

Pete here seems to have the most success, and he has an strategy of using facebook to look at the real pictures of women. Unfortunately for someone who quit facebook years ago, i dont get that privilege.

Anyhow, the excuse that is used by most women to use online dating, is too busy with work. However i assure you, for most women (and there are exceptions that have no social life) if they are the least bit attractive, they will get guys approaching them.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> that was the perception i had. However after paying for one of those sites, i realized that it was just the same. Just not worth the money.
> 
> Hard to compete, when every other guy online has washboard abs, is over 6 feet tall, and is bringing in 6 figures a year.


I see lots of ugly dudes with girlfriends all the time.

You have to wonder about why >50 guys are messaging a girl a day. Like seriously. Is it that hard for a guy to get a girlfriend that she has to have so many guys messaging her? She's a hot girl. But there are also a lot of other hot girls on OkCupid. The online dating market really perplexes me. I don't really get it.

Sure perhaps that girl can do better than us. BUT she has to compete with other hot girls for that washboard ab Adonis who is 6 feet tall and brings in 6 figures a year... Sure she can get laid with a whole bunch of these guys. But she has to compete with all these other girls to be this guy's girlfriend. The 2.8:1 female:male ratio gives women the advantage. But it still doesn't explain the >50 messages/day.

At the end of the day there are roughly about as many single women as single men. They just have to be found elsewhere than online dating sites.

rymo and bwidger have the right idea with how cold approaches bypass all of that crazy competition. However, a lot of PUA have been abusing daygame and women are on their guard because of this. I'm not going to doubt their success with daygame. Because I have seen with my own eyes that there are chicks out there who are chill as hell who will talk with you for 15-20 minutes if you approach them at a coffee shop or whatever even if they have a boyfriend and aren't even looking. These women are the minority. But when you approach a whole lot of women, you're bound to find these women.

I just wish that PUA didn't have to put their greasy fingers all over daygame. Because they are ruining it for guys who are authentic with their approaches. Too many guys are approaching to get laid_ in an underhanded way_ (It's ok to seek out casual sex if you are upfront about your intentions).

The best approach is to go where you will find a more balanced ratio of single women:single men or more single women than single men.


----------



## komorikun

Zeeshan said:


> all sites ask about body type. most girls answer thin (Which is really strange, because i guess the definition of thin has changed drastically.
> 
> A large percentage of women online are overweight, which makes sense since overweight women are the least likely to get attention offline.
> 
> After months on POF this summer, i have devised a new scale
> 
> Girl says thin = is thin
> Girl says thin = is chubby, using old or angled picture.
> Girl says average = True, if we are using the average of macdonalds workers.
> 
> Pete here seems to have the most success, and he has an strategy of using facebook to look at the real pictures of women. Unfortunately for someone who quit facebook years ago, i dont get that privilege.
> 
> Anyhow, the excuse that is used by most women to use online dating, is too busy with work. However i assure you, for most women (and there are exceptions that have no social life) if they are the least bit attractive, they will get guys approaching them.


Can't you just look at the pics and judge?

I'm amazed that people add strangers to their facebook. I would never do that, especially not guys from dating sites. Cause the chance that it will turn into a relationship is slim to nill. And they get your full name and can see all your friends. What if the person is a weirdo/stalker or something? I also get jealous so I don't like seeing various chicks post on their wall. It's a turn off.

I never had much of anyone approach me during my time in the US. I went to city college for 2 years before going abroad and I think I only had one weird Iranian guy seem interested. Since coming back I only got asked out a couple times by guys I met at meetups, never at university. But yeah, I have no social life and I'm only friendly when very comfortable or inebriated.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I see lots of ugly dudes with girlfriends all the time.
> 
> You have to wonder about why >50 guys are messaging a girl a day. Like seriously. Is it that hard for a guy to get a girlfriend that she has to have so many guys messaging her? She's a hot girl. But there are also a lot of other hot girls on OkCupid. The online dating market really perplexes me. I don't really get it.


Women judge men on a different scale. In real life, the kind that we are still trying to get used to, starting a relationship with a girl is actually pretty easy.

my point was that a lot of men lie online. A lot of the losers online just sit around messaging girls, thats the vicious circle.

I dont think women are that into looks as much as men. They are pallete of consideration is much more variable.

Take me for example, now you met me, i am at best average, (I hope), most people meet me and call me extremely social. Since the fall, which was my last relationship, i have gone on three dates with three attractive girls (Better than anything online) yet i was not able to start a relationship with any of them.

Think about it. Three women were willing to date me, but after one or two dates, none of them wanted to continue dating me.

The issues are multiple, but i am nearly at the point of solving all of them within me. I have come to realize that intention is part of it. Dont hide your intention with a woman, be direct with them. When a person is direct about his/her intentions, it is human nature to want to give them what he/she wants. Human beings are social creatures. Another reason was aggression. I wasnt aggressive enough. My anxiety held me back. For one of the girls, i actually had to have a few drinks before getting the ability to call her.

its all to sad, but it really has to do with social development. Mine was askewed due to issues i rather not go into. So while i am still socially at a 18-19 year olds level, these women in their mid to late twenties could easily see my immaturity. its the simple things that give us away, like when she asks you whats your favorite club, and you have no response. Or when she has to explain to you simple reference.

anyhow, I am over almost all my issues now. I dont even get nervous anymore, If i had a date tonight, i would be excited to see the girl, not nervous, if i had to kiss her, i would look for the moment with excitement thinking about her delicious lips not nervous or akward. If it was a sexual situation, i would be so excited.

However i still have no social life. I am restrained in my opportunities to meet women. I refuse to go to online dating because of the effort/trial and error involved.

its really bad, though yesterday, this girl and her mother stepped into the elevator. lol she was maybe like 17 or 18 year old indian girl, definately not younger, maybe 20. I made eye contact with her and couldnt look away, when she did and i reinitiated, she said a greeting like how are you or something and gave a smile. i responded, but her mother was right there. and then i couldnt look at her anymore lol because i felt like the mother was giving me the evil eyes.

any who, so it goes. I have great hopes for 2013. I am taking an acting to class, in hopes that it would help me hit the singles scene more, and i would be more comfortable. Sort of open me up even more. i am also taking some classes at colleges, which i have interest in. I always tend to meet women through school, and these campuses are a gold mine. I am also going to learn Tae Kwon Do, so that I can feel more comfortable in strange places and with women late at nights knowing i can take care of myself and her.

I didnt mean to go on big post here, the bottom line is that through my ups and downs from the start of this thread, most of them documented for me to pry myself over some day, i have realized that being a man requires directness. A man must be direct with others and himself. Transparent and honest. Without the fear of rejection. He should be powerful, in that he can take care of himself, and those around him. That he can control is negative emotions, which is power. A man has to be aggressive in his pursuits, there is very little time to waist. Time is slipping.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Can't you just look at the pics and judge?
> 
> I'm amazed that people add strangers to their facebook. I would never do that, especially not guys from dating sites. Cause the chance that it will turn into a relationship is slim to nill. And they get your full name and can see all your friends. What if the person is a weirdo/stalker or something? I also get jealous so I don't like seeing various chicks post on their wall. It's a turn off.
> 
> I never had much of anyone approach me during my time in the US. I went to city college for 2 years before going abroad and I think I only had one weird Iranian guy seem interested. Since coming back I only got asked out a couple times by guys I met at meetups, never at university. But yeah, I have no social life and I'm only friendly when very comfortable or inebriated.


you would think so, but it isnt always the case.

As for facebook, i have only heard this from Pete. However he says he lives in a small town, so maybe its suburban thing.

well hiding in your room, and waiting till 3AM to go to the kitchen LOL, will certainly make it difficult to meet guys.


----------



## komorikun

Zeeshan said:


> you would think so, but it isnt always the case.
> 
> As for facebook, i have only heard this from Pete. However he says he lives in a small town, so maybe its suburban thing.
> 
> well hiding in your room, and waiting till 3AM to go to the kitchen LOL, will certainly make it difficult to meet guys.


Yeah, if they have only 1 or 2 photos up it can be hard to tell. I met a few guys that looked dramatically different from their pics. Mostly it was due to angle but a couple of them used really old photos. One looked 10 years older in person and the other was 40 pounds heavier in person. Sometimes I ask for more pics but they say they don't have any or they send more blurry pics. I asked for pics similar to mug shots a couple times but that didn't go down so well......

Out of the house it is not as bad. I just don't like strangers in my home. I feel invaded and not ready to meet them when I'm in my pajamas with no makeup.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Yeah, if they have only 1 or 2 photos up it can be hard to tell. I met a few guys that looked dramatically different from their pics. Mostly it was due to angle but a couple of them used really old photos. One looked 10 years older in person and the other was 40 pounds heavier in person. Sometimes I ask for more pics but they say they don't have any or they send more blurry pics. I asked for pics similar to mug shots a couple times but that didn't go down so well......
> 
> Out of the house it is not as bad. I just don't like strangers in my home. I feel invaded and not ready to meet them when I'm in my pajamas with no makeup.


No one likes strangers in their room, unless they paid 300 for them to spend an hour there (Thats a joke, see how witty i am)


----------



## pete24

I can often be a good judge of character from online dating. Thus my golden rule of making sure I speak to get the girl a month perhaps before meeting. In that time getting them added on FB and even getting their number. I try to get it so we have a connection, speak as much as possible and then when we are ready to meet its like we have known each other for ages and the second we meet in person I can say something to say like "I cant believe that guy trying it on with you and you were texting me saying how cringe worth he was the other day". To anyone who didnt know it was our first time of meeting in real life, they could assume we have known each other for years.

I have several advantages over a lot of guys who send women messages on them sites. I dont try and start a message with "hey sexy", giving my number or asking for fun. I am flexible and can meet at any moment with the work I do (good for a potential long term thing), I'm not the worst looking on the site, and theres a few other advantages.

Dating sites are always flooded with men because women seem to get more attention in real life so don't feel the need to have to turn to meeting someone off the internet. I used to be really good friends with this girl a few years ago. She was in town early to meet me 1 day and waited at a pub for an hour on her own whilst I finished work. In that time 2 guys approached her. However I could sit in the pub all day and not have a single woman approach me. In contrast of looks I had the better looks too, that friend did fancy me but knew I was out of her league so accepted being just friends.



Due to the fact theres way more guys on dating sites than women, women get more choice and can be more picky. Guaranteed there is no woman on a dating site that only has ever spoken to the 1 guy.

What I hate is when someone sends me a message or I send them 1 and they reply, chat goes well but then they just stop messaging me and blank me. Clearly they have found someone else they believe is better, try things with them, but if the chats go to pot you can be sure they will crawl back. 

If that was real life and you approached a girl, showed some interest, but she shoots you down as she likes someone else then comes running back when that goes bad... would you really be fine with her? It just shows you are not the best suited person for her.

Just wish I had the nerves and bravery to approach. I'm good when its a 1 on 1 date, really do well, but direct approaching has always and will always be a nono


----------



## Zeeshan

guys i am reading the most amazing book, it requires a bit of intelligence, but it really is amazing is all i can say

its on being certain, by Robert A. Burton. Google it if interested, but its changing my perspective on everything.


----------



## Isabelle50

> its on being certain, by Robert A. Burton. Google it if interested, but its changing my perspective on everything.


It looks really interesting... I wonder if certainty is just a primal coping mechanism. We have no way of truly experiencing the world outside of ourselves but in order to function in the world we need to make a basic gamble, that everything we can touch and see and interact with exists. And that it exists in the same form from person to person. If we couldn't have that kind of certainty we couldn't live.

Kindof like the comfort we get from the idea of safety. No one is ever really safe, any one of us could keel over any minute, but we couldn't function if we were constantly confronted with that fact. So our brains evolved to ignore it and keep that warm, fuzzy feeling 90% of the time. Of course, for anxiety sufferers the brain is a little more stingy with the warm, fuzzy feels.

I'm definitely going to grab that book from the library, I won't derail this thread with any more of my incoherent ramblings.


----------



## Zeeshan

Isabelle50 said:


> It looks really interesting... I wonder if certainty is just a primal coping mechanism. We have no way of truly experiencing the world outside of ourselves but in order to function in the world we need to make a basic gamble, that everything we can touch and see and interact with exists. And that it exists in the same form from person to person. If we couldn't have that kind of certainty we couldn't live.
> 
> Kindof like the comfort we get from the idea of safety. No one is ever really safe, any one of us could keel over any minute, but we couldn't function if we were constantly confronted with that fact. So our brains evolved to ignore it and keep that warm, fuzzy feeling 90% of the time. Of course, for anxiety sufferers the brain is a little more stingy with the warm, fuzzy feels.
> 
> I'm definitely going to grab that book from the library, I won't derail this thread with any more of my incoherent ramblings.


its really making me second guess everything i have ever thought to be true,


----------



## phoenixwright

Isabelle50 said:


> Its always weird to me when people put expectations on others that they would struggle to meet themselves. Taking 2 days to respond to an email is only slightly more than average and for someone with SA or depression it could easily be _weeks_ before you reply. You yourself suffer from some of these issues (hence the reason you're on SAS), have some compassion and cut this girl some slack. You're holding her to a higher standard than you hold yourself.


It's not that I'm not understanding of social anxiety. It's just difficult for me not to take this avoidance behaviour personally.


----------



## bsd3355

*FR (field report)*

Alright, so I finally went out to a club/bar tonight solo. Of course I didn't want to go, but I went anyway. It's a country dance bar but since I know it's busy on wednesdays I feel like it's a good place to go. There were a decent amount of girls there; all of them in mixed-groups (boy and girls groups) so I didn't even bother approaching because I didn't want to approach some guy's girlfriend or anything. I wasn't there long, maybe 20 minutes, but it was long enough for me to drink a beer and scope out the place. I later went down to downtown Kent but it was pretty dead and a couple bars were closed probably due to the fact we had a really bad snowstorm earlier and the roads are still pretty bad.

It was nice to finally go out again. Doing this **** is no doubt lonely sometimes but I think it's well worth it. Either way, you risk a chance of being lonely doing nothing or lonely going out so it's not like I'm putting myself in a worst position. It only feels that way--emphasis on the word "_feels_". The beauty of life is that we adapt to things and they almost always get better. I know if I continue going out great things are bound to happen; obviously, I must approach, however.

I'm going to add what I've learned if I learned anything for each report...

What I learned tonight:
-Going out is sometimes lonely, but it's necessary.
-Don't neglect mixed-groups because you never know who's with who; keep an eye on girls who don't appear to have boyfriends within the groups and then approach

What things I need to work on:
-Think about approaching mixed-sets, and keep an eye out for the girl's within the group who don't appear to have boyfriends
-Go out more


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

It would be so awesome if we hung out, bwidger. We're in such a similar place I feel like we'd just be pulling each other up daily. Great job on finally entering a bar environment solo. What I'm noticing is that a lot of people tend to question my solo venture and at first I was like "oh **** you're right, it is weird me coming out on my own"". The more it's happening, the more I'm rocking it so to speak and people actually admire it. 

I haven't been out since the weekend which is poor form, but I do plan on going out Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Monday. That's around 20 hours of references.  

I'm halfway through Julien's manifesto btw. Simple but effective as always.


----------



## JohnWalnut

phoenixwright said:


> I actually purchased a "A-List" membership with OkCupid (if I find that it's a waste of $9.95/month, I can always cancel after one month right?). It allows me to freely check out girls profiles in invisible mode while being able to see who visited my profile. I can also see who rated me highly. And you get some other bonuses.
> 
> I looked at the list of women who rated me highly and one of the girls was pretty hot. But in her profile she put down that she gets >50 messages a day from guys so that you have to say something to really grab her attention for her to respond. lol.
> 
> I feel discouraged from wanting to message her because I feel like it would be a waste of my time to come up with something to message her. But it's flattering at least that she thinks I'm cute. lol.
> 
> I don't understand how things skew this sharply in online dating. For every single guy out there, there is a single girl. A little more or less. Online dating is more skewed towards men (Last I checked there was a 2.79:1 single male:female skew in my area on OkCupid) but still. >50 messages a day! lol. How does this mathematically compute? With a 2.79:1 single male:female skew and a girl getting >50 messages/day, you'd think there would be plenty of average (or less) girls who are getting very few messages. But apparently they get messaged too. What is going on here exactly? lol.


This still perplexes me. If there's like 3 million guys on OkCupid and 1 million girls, where are the other 2 million girls hanging out? Seeing how OkCupid has a guy oversupply, there must be some place where there is a oversupply of single girls somewhere. But where? Even the clubbing scene has more guys than girls. Where are they hiding.


----------



## komorikun

Some guys are probably juggling multiple women. And many of those guys on OkCupid are already in relationships and just looking for some extra p***y on the side. Those ratios are probably incorrect too. It seems harder to guys because most guys are aiming for the most attractive women. It might be easier for you if you aim for women that are less popular. I won't say what types those are cause I might get into trouble.


----------



## Rossy

100% nothing.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Some guys are probably juggling multiple women. And many of those guys on OkCupid are already in relationships and just looking for some extra p***y on the side. Those ratios are probably incorrect too. It seems harder to guys because most guys are aiming for the most attractive women. It might be easier for you if you aim for women that are less popular. I won't say what types those are cause I might get into trouble.


I actually did a filter search for single men within 100km radius of me on OKCupid vs. single women. And it was a 2.79:1 ratio (it's not exactly a scientific way of doing things though. Some profiles are actually hidden to you due to one of many reasons. You don't have to actually block someone to be hidden). This was over a year ago. There are actually a lot of guys in relationships or even married pretending to be single so that they can get ***** on the side or juggle multiple women. It's difficult to say how much of that skews things.

As for aiming for women who are "less popular", I messaged a girl with a beautiful face who is a size 16 and she has "replies very selectively" on her profile. I did this initially as an experiment to prove a point. I figured that she must have been getting bombarded with messages from Magic Mikes looking to get laid and that she wouldn't give me the time of day. But I messaged her and I'm actually having a conversation with her! LOL.

I take it that most men who message her are probably imbeciles and that I must be too hard on women when I automatically assume that they are just selective biotches who won't settle for anything but a Magic Mike. She's difficult to talk to though. She doesn't seem to reciprocate too much (in terms of asking me questions). I wonder if she would treat Magic Mike's any different. Or if she just doesn't care for chit-chat and wants to get banged? A part of me says "I can get behind that". lol. But a part of me points out that time and time again I have tried the having sex with relative strangers thing and it is extremely overrated.


----------



## komorikun

phoenixwright said:


> I actually did a filter search for single men within 100km radius of me on OKCupid vs. single women. And it was a 2.79:1 ratio (it's not exactly a scientific way of doing things though. Some profiles are actually hidden to you due to one of many reasons. You don't have to actually block someone to be hidden). This was over a year ago. There are actually a lot of guys in relationships or even married pretending to be single so that they can get ***** on the side or juggle multiple women. It's difficult to say how much of that skews things.


You have to only look at Straight men and Bi/Straight women.


----------



## phoenixwright

I hate it when I flirt with a woman on an online dating site and she doesn't flirt back but is talking to me regardless. It makes things harder to escalate things towards a date. Same if they aren't flirty in-person. Makes it harder to escalate into a kiss.

I don't know if it's just me but I don't feel appreciated by a woman when she just says "thanks" (or in the case of this OKCupid girl, thanks for the ego boost) when I flirt with her and doesn't flirt back. It makes me feel like I'm wasting my time and that I should move on to another girl. Especially if they don't ask me questions about myself. If it's lack of interest, why are you even responding to a guy if you're not interested?

Other guys here feel that a lot of women tend to be lazy conversationalists? They don't seem to ask many questions about you. You basically have to volunteer info about yourself. No good. It's a turn-off. But they have a vagina and most guys are desperate so I guess they feel they don't have to try.



komorikun said:


> You have to only look at Straight men and Bi/Straight women.


Oh yeah that's right. I can't remember if I filtered sexual orientation. I might not have.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> It would be so awesome if we hung out, bwidger. We're in such a similar place I feel like we'd just be pulling each other up daily. Great job on finally entering a bar environment solo. What I'm noticing is that a lot of people tend to question my solo venture and at first I was like "oh **** you're right, it is weird me coming out on my own"". The more it's happening, the more I'm rocking it so to speak and people actually admire it.
> 
> I haven't been out since the weekend which is poor form, but I do plan on going out Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Monday. That's around 20 hours of references.
> 
> I'm halfway through Julien's manifesto btw. Simple but effective as always.


The manifesto was surprisingly informative. I liked a lot of what he had to say in it.

Where are you at exactly? Are you just trying to get comfortable going out alone or are you trying to talk to girls? What is your goal exactly?


----------



## phoenixwright

K I asked the girl on OkCupid out for coffee (after the snow clears up! lol). I'm afraid that asking her at this stage might be too early and that I might blow it. lol. I have asked out girls at this early stage before and got dates. I prefer not to chit-chat too much online or via text before setting up dates. 

It's funny because this started out as an experiment (to prove that even so-called "less popular" girls on dating sites get messaged tons by guys and are picky). And now I'm asking this girl out. lol. She is really cute though. It's hard to overlook her weight though. Lots and lots of girls on dating sites are cute but have weight problems. Admittedly, it's hard to be sympathetic to women with weight problems when there is no evidence to suggest they are any less shallow than thin girls. In fact many of them are holding out for a Magic Mike boyfriend (but the Magic Mikes only want to use them for sex). We shall see soon enough though whether my hypothesis is correct.


----------



## phoenixwright

Nevermind the OkCupid girl said yes and she was being a little flirtatious with me. lol. I wonder if she purposely delayed responding to me (we were messaging back and forth almost as if it was instant messaging) after I asked her out to tease me. lol.

Man I don't know if it's just my looks or what (or maybe I'm doing the right thing by not wasting time asking girls out now) but I don't do too bad with getting dates. It's usually on the date where **** falls apart. But this girl is more aggressive (it makes things like kissing easier) so maybe the Gods will smile kindly onto me this time. lol.

I messaged this girl as an experiment to prove a point and now that it's like holy**** she wants a date tomorrow night, I feel like such a jerk. lol.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Nevermind the OkCupid girl said yes and she was being a little flirtatious with me. lol. I wonder if she purposely delayed responding to me (we were messaging back and forth almost as if it was instant messaging) after I asked her out to tease me. lol.
> 
> Man I don't know if it's just my looks or what (or maybe I'm doing the right thing by not wasting time asking girls out now) but I don't do too bad with getting dates. It's usually on the date where **** falls apart. But this girl is more aggressive (it makes things like kissing easier) so maybe the Gods will smile kindly onto me this time. lol.


Or maybe it's because dating is a number's game? Just because one girl of one type rejects you, doesn't mean another girl will. Sure, looks, resources, etc., matter, but sometimes it doesn't.

---------------------

On a side note, I work with the public a lot and I'm tired of *******s: people cussing me out for **** out of my control. Granted, it doesn't happen very often but when it does it really pisses me off. It got me thinking about how I asked a girl at a bar for a cigarette one time (even though I don't smoke--weird) and she calls me an *******; just blatantly goes off on me. Or another time when another ***** called me a dumb *** for talking to her friend..

But everyone has to deal with *******s in life, I know I'm not the only one, and maybe I've been a prick to a lot of people in my life too. It just means that people will be mean if they decide to or not, and the more you put yourself out in public, and the more you interact with people, the more it's going to happen. That's kind of what you have to expect.

/end mini-rant


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Nevermind the OkCupid girl said yes and she was being a little flirtatious with me. lol. I wonder if she purposely delayed responding to me (we were messaging back and forth almost as if it was instant messaging) after I asked her out to tease me. lol.
> 
> Man I don't know if it's just my looks or what (or maybe I'm doing the right thing by not wasting time asking girls out now) but I don't do too bad with getting dates. It's usually on the date where **** falls apart. But this girl is more aggressive (it makes things like kissing easier) so maybe the Gods will smile kindly onto me this time. lol.
> 
> I messaged this girl as an experiment to prove a point and now that it's like holy**** she wants a date tomorrow night, I feel like such a jerk. lol.


have fun.......who knows maybe she will seem lighter in person


----------



## pete24

OKCupid by far has to be the worst site ever for me personally.

I have had an account on it for quite a few months, did my profile to the same style as my profiles on other dating sites. In that time its been something poor like 3 women looked at my profile, 0 messages. Then I had a search to find just 3 women in a 30 mile radius that has been online in past week, other sites had way more women.

The best dating site seems to be Zoosk... However they are the biggest money grabbing b*stards of all time.

Theres loads of women there (probably more than POF). However I think you can message them just once, if they reply you cant read their message at all unless you pay. The women are all legit because many I have seen about town (so its not a scam site). Its just too tight though and pretty expensive to use fully. Theres no way round it like putting your name on your profile and hinting them to add you on FB since all profiles are reviewed and censored before they go live


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> OKCupid by far has to be the worst site ever for me personally.
> 
> I have had an account on it for quite a few months, did my profile to the same style as my profiles on other dating sites. In that time its been something poor like 3 women looked at my profile, 0 messages. Then I had a search to find just 3 women in a 30 mile radius that has been online in past week, other sites had way more women.
> 
> The best dating site seems to be Zoosk... However they are the biggest money grabbing b*stards of all time.
> 
> Theres loads of women there (probably more than POF). However I think you can message them just once, if they reply you cant read their message at all unless you pay. The women are all legit because many I have seen about town (so its not a scam site). Its just too tight though and pretty expensive to use fully. Theres no way round it like putting your name on your profile and hinting them to add you on FB since all profiles are reviewed and censored before they go live


seriously what is the population in your town


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> have fun.......who knows maybe she will seem lighter in person


She has a really beautiful face. Seriously gorgeous. When I saw the body shot, it was a big let down. I'm really not that picky about weight. But yeah, I have to see in-person.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> seriously what is the population in your town


Not exactly a lot but my radius that I can travel and meet women in ranges to quite a few other towns, including some big second/third capital citys. On POF theres loads from that area but OKCupid theres next to none


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> She has a really beautiful face. Seriously gorgeous. When I saw the body shot, it was a big let down. I'm really not that picky about weight. But yeah, I have to see in-person.


You shouldn't be

Good luck!


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Not exactly a lot but my radius that I can travel and meet women in ranges to quite a few other towns, including some big second/third capital citys. On POF theres loads from that area but OKCupid theres next to none


Oh I c


----------



## pete24

Maybe OKCupid hasnt taken off as well in some areas of the UK.


Tomorrow I have a date. Although its 1 of the dates that you can be in 2 minds about. Shes staying over too because she has to travel about 100 miles.

Either im gonna think "wow shes better than her pictures" or think "gutting". If its the latter I will still be stuck with her and chances are she will end up in my bed.

I'm treating it more as if i'm meeting a friend. Making sure we pay halfs for anything we do and i'm going to get completely drunk (so even if it is "gutting" i'll be cheery).

My main worry is im having to sneak her into mine and out in the morning as my mum is sick of women staying over (at peak times about 7 were staying over a year).


Predicting (if theres no last minute cancellations) that she will really like me, we will get back here, sleep together and I will perhaps see that she isnt for me (just a hunch).

Will post an update either saturday or sunday


----------



## bsd3355

Power of personal standards! Anything less is pathetic!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> Where are you at exactly? Are you just trying to get comfortable going out alone or are you trying to talk to girls? What is your goal exactly?


My goal atm is just to go out and have fun. I find that if I focus on going out purely to meet women it's very easy for me to get caught up in my head and once that happens I start to roll out the excuses not to approach. Hit the bar, go for a smoke, talk to some guys, approach girls within ear shot. I'm completely going against Julien with this, but the more natural the scenario the more likely I am to grow some balls and get over this initial hump. What about you?

There's a party tomorrow and I can think of 101 reasons not to go. We'll see.


----------



## Owl-99

komorikun said:


> Some guys are probably juggling multiple women. And many of those guys on OkCupid are already in relationships and just looking for some extra p***y on the side. Those ratios are probably incorrect too. It seems harder to guys because most guys are aiming for the most attractive women. It might be easier for you if you aim for women that are less popular. I won't say what types those are cause I might get into trouble.


Well done girl, your learning. :yes


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> My goal atm is just to go out and have fun. I find that if I focus on going out purely to meet women it's very easy for me to get caught up in my head and once that happens I start to roll out the excuses not to approach. Hit the bar, go for a smoke, talk to some guys, approach girls within ear shot. I'm completely going against Julien with this, but the more natural the scenario the more likely I am to grow some balls and get over this initial hump. What about you?
> 
> There's a party tomorrow and I can think of 101 reasons not to go. We'll see.


That's a pretty good game plan I think. Eventually, I do think we need to just approach, approach, approach. We ultimately have no choice tbh. We can learn how to enjoy it, but no doubt it can be tough, and it is often. The pressure and pain of it all is what really motivates us to change I think.

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm slowly and incrementally getting back to the point where I am approaching a lot at stores and bars.

Haha, I'm in a rough patch right now so sorry if I sound a bit gloom


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> Approach, approach, approach.


I've just written that down on a post-it note and added it to my motivational fridge.  Other notes include, "When in doubt take massive action", "Be shameless" & "Stop questioning yourself". There really is nothing for us to do but do it.

Do you find now that you've gone into a night environment solo that day game seems a lot less scary?


----------



## phoenixwright

So yeah the date is tomorrow evening (technically this evening, it's already Friday early AM. lol). We're meeting at a coffee shop. Tips for flirting and physical escalation? If I'm into this girl physically (the blonde I went on a date with last wasn't my type. But this girl is a girl-next-door brunette and has an "alt" edge. Definitely my type.), I'd imagine that my body language should radiate a sense of flirtatiousness that it didn't with the previous girl. And that this should naturally set gears in motion (if she feels mutual physical attraction). This girl is DTF. Nympho. Puts out on the first date. Sweetheart. If there is potential there between us, I'm going to kick myself for not realizing it. lol.



bwidger85 said:


> Power of personal standards! Anything less is pathetic!


ROFL. This video is hilarious.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

phoenixwright said:


> This girl is DTF. Nympho. Puts out on the first date. Sweetheart.


Yeah, how sweet


----------



## phoenixwright

ROFL. I didn't realize how ridiculous that sounded until you isolated that one line.


----------



## phoenixwright

Great video by Tyler Durden from RSD regarding validation.






Out of curiosity, is Tyler in any way influenced by Eastern philosophies? He points out that the western world is obsessed with stimulation. The need for validation is just one of many examples of this need for stimulation. When a girl is into you, you feel a "high" and when she stops giving you that "high", it drives you insane. Eastern philosophies are more about being grounded and contentment.

I wish Tyler touched upon this (maybe in other video he did) but the reason why men seek validation from getting laid is because society tells us that going out and getting laid is what being a man is about and is one of the most important things in life. That anything less makes you a boy and a loser. And it's difficult to overcome our human nature to want to be accepted by others. When a girl is eager to go on a date with me, I feel like the ****. But if it doesn't work out because we fail to make a connection (whether it's due to me being quiet, passive, not physically escalating or her not pulling her own way. Or it's just simply the fact that there is no chemistry), I feel like ****. Not the **** anymore.

When things go wrong with a girl, my gut reaction is to blame myself and to feel like a loser. I say "oh I can't connect with this woman. It's because I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm a socially retarded person. I'm hopeless because my brain is wired to be a certain way. I'm too quiet because I don't know what to say or maybe I'm afraid I'll say something stupid if I actually do have something to say. Don't know how to carry a conversation. Don't know how to "build tension" and physically escalate. This girl probably thinks I'm a socially awkward dating inexperienced loser." Tyler says that I shouldn't feel any of these thing about myself. I should be content with myself. In truth, this is a very high ideal that 95% of people in western society don't adhere to most of the time. We are bombarded with stimulus that tells you that you need to accomplish this or that or else you a loser. It eats away at us inside (due to our human nature to want to be accepted) if other people look down on us, mock us, whatever.

Remember that older woman I was on a date with back in the summer? She's not a nice person. But her words still remain as scars internally. Every single girl who has treated me with disrespect and every time I see women be nasty to other people or say nasty things about other people (ie. The the other day there were these girls on the streets in Toronto laughing about all the guys who have approached them telling them they are beautiful and such. Hearing that makes me not want to tell a woman that she is beautiful or cute or whatever. Which sucks because I actually like complimenting women. What I don't like is when I find out that the woman I'm complimenting is some sort of princess who doesn't deserve it. It makes me feel like I'm a lower-value person because I boosted someone's ego and then they **** on me), memories of their words and actions remain as scars inside.

It gets to the point that often times I feel like every woman is a *****. Regardless if she shows it or not. I feel like the ones who seem nice are really just hiding their true nature. Especially if they reject me or ignore/avoid me (like the SA girl). They must be thinking "oh what a loser" to themselves silently.

I have flashes of quality conversation, relating with women, escalating, etc. But it's not consistent. I can do real well with a girl and then go into a period of awkward silences and then go back to quality conversation again.


----------



## komorikun

tannasg said:


> Well done girl, your learning. :yes


I still see nothing wrong with what I said a couple days ago.


----------



## NoName99

Jesus Christ.
I told her everything. Every. Thing. About being a shut-in, about GAD, about...every goddamn thing. And... she kissed me!!! And kissed me again! And again, and again!... Jeez what the hell is going on?? I'm completely flabbergasted...


----------



## komorikun

NoName99 said:


> Jesus Christ.
> I told her everything. Every. Thing. About being a shut-in, about GAD, about...every goddamn thing. And... she kissed me!!! And kissed me again! And again, and again!... Jeez what the hell is going on?? I'm completely flabbergasted...


You're a cute guy, so.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> You're a cute guy, so.


His looks certainly help. But it's not enough to be cute. Cut him some slack.  There are other things she likes about him for sure.


----------



## NoName99

I don't know... I don't understand... First kiss, first time holding hands... sh*t. My mind is racing right now. Can't stop! Somebody slap me in the face! Use a sledgehammer please!! I'm way, way out of my comfort zone and I can't find the way back! (Not sure I want to either!) I've lost all my reference points...


----------



## Barette

That's ****ing awesome NoName99, to think that not too long ago you thought that something like this would never happen to you. And here you are, kissing a chick and dating. Don't overthink why or what or when, just enjoy yourself cause it's only up from here.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

phoenixwright said:


> Out of curiosity, is Tyler in any way influenced by Eastern philosophies?


He's really big on Eckhart Tolle and being present to the moment. If you have a little dive through his videos you'll find a lot on the subject. Kudos on being so honest and open btw. That's what makes this thread so great.


----------



## phoenixwright

Alright I asked the girl for her number a little after noon today because as an obvious general rule, it's important to have someone's number before a date so that you can contact each other in case something comes up or you run into some traffic or you ahve trouble finding each other, whatever. She has the OkCupid app (as do I on my iPhone) so we were messaging each other back and forth yesterday as if it were text messaging. So I didn't feel I needed to ask for her number until the date was set. We set up the date last night though. I'm kinda kicking myself for not asking for her number immediately after setting it up.

Well our date is for 7:30pm and it's been 4 hours+ since I sent her that message asking for her number and she hasn't got back to me. She might still reply closer to the time of course. But I'm afraid of showing up there at the coffee shop at 7:30 and she no-shows.

With the mobile app, we're still able to communicate with each other on the go (whenever you get a message, you get that familiar text message ding and a notification on your screen. If you've ever received a text message, you know what I'm talking about). But it's less hassle to just message or call her if we can't find each other or something comes up or whatever. If she's not giving me her number, that is a sign that she may flake me and no-show. I know she's logged into OkCupid like an hour-ish after I messaged her asking for her number (maybe she was logged in in the background via her app though. But her phone would have alerted her anyways.

So what do I do if she doesn't respond? Do I drive over to the coffee shop at the scheduled time and risk being a victim of a no-show?

Or do I not show up only for her to actually show up and feel PO'd that I didn't as we agreed?

I think this girl plays a hot-cold type of game to build tension (it seemed so deliberate that she put off responding to me 2.5-3 hours after I asked her out for coffee while previously we were chatting back and forth very regularly) and she could message me closer to the time to torment me (lol). If not, this could be a no-show and I'm concerned that I'll be stood up and have my time, gas and mileage wasted.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I've just written that down on a post-it note and added it to my motivational fridge.  Other notes include, "When in doubt take massive action", "Be shameless" & "Stop questioning yourself". There really is nothing for us to do but do it.
> 
> Do you find now that you've gone into a night environment solo that day game seems a lot less scary?


I feel more comfortable approaching being that I've done a lot in the past, but I'm not doing what I need to be doing right now. I need to step it up if anything is going to happen. I think if you keep at either one, eventually they do get easier.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Great video by Tyler Durden from RSD regarding validation.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Out of curiosity, is Tyler in any way influenced by Eastern philosophies? He points out that the western world is obsessed with stimulation. The need for validation is just one of many examples of this need for stimulation. When a girl is into you, you feel a "high" and when she stops giving you that "high", it drives you insane. Eastern philosophies are more about being grounded and contentment.
> 
> I wish Tyler touched upon this (maybe in other video he did) but the reason why men seek validation from getting laid is because society tells us that going out and getting laid is what being a man is about and is one of the most important things in life. That anything less makes you a boy and a loser. And it's difficult to overcome our human nature to want to be accepted by others. When a girl is eager to go on a date with me, I feel like the ****. But if it doesn't work out because we fail to make a connection (whether it's due to me being quiet, passive, not physically escalating or her not pulling her own way. Or it's just simply the fact that there is no chemistry), I feel like ****. Not the **** anymore.
> 
> When things go wrong with a girl, my gut reaction is to blame myself and to feel like a loser. I say "oh I can't connect with this woman. It's because I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm a socially retarded person. I'm hopeless because my brain is wired to be a certain way. I'm too quiet because I don't know what to say or maybe I'm afraid I'll say something stupid if I actually do have something to say. Don't know how to carry a conversation. Don't know how to "build tension" and physically escalate. This girl probably thinks I'm a socially awkward dating inexperienced loser." Tyler says that I shouldn't feel any of these thing about myself. I should be content with myself. In truth, this is a very high ideal that 95% of people in western society don't adhere to most of the time. We are bombarded with stimulus that tells you that you need to accomplish this or that or else you a loser. It eats away at us inside (due to our human nature to want to be accepted) if other people look down on us, mock us, whatever.
> 
> Remember that older woman I was on a date with back in the summer? She's not a nice person. But her words still remain as scars internally. Every single girl who has treated me with disrespect and every time I see women be nasty to other people or say nasty things about other people (ie. The the other day there were these girls on the streets in Toronto laughing about all the guys who have approached them telling them they are beautiful and such. Hearing that makes me not want to tell a woman that she is beautiful or cute or whatever. Which sucks because I actually like complimenting women. What I don't like is when I find out that the woman I'm complimenting is some sort of princess who doesn't deserve it. It makes me feel like I'm a lower-value person because I boosted someone's ego and then they **** on me), memories of their words and actions remain as scars inside.
> 
> It gets to the point that often times I feel like every woman is a *****. Regardless if she shows it or not. I feel like the ones who seem nice are really just hiding their true nature. Especially if they reject me or ignore/avoid me (like the SA girl). They must be thinking "oh what a loser" to themselves silently.
> 
> I have flashes of quality conversation, relating with women, escalating, etc. But it's not consistent. I can do real well with a girl and then go into a period of awkward silences and then go back to quality conversation again.


This is why the "game" is hard. No amount of trying to convince ourselves there is an "easier" way will work if it's not working already. Dating is raw as **** because it's real--there is no BS because no one really wants to get into a dating/relationship scenario with someone they don't like, and so it's something that is raw and real. Some girls act like *****es when they aren't and some are *****es, but that should be something we need to focus on less and less because dating is hard enough as it is, we should take optimism where we can and use that attitude towards our avantage, because dating and putting yourself on the line over and over again is a very turbulent thing. I'm addicted to videos from simplepickup.com, RSD, and various others because it's that optimism I need to keep moving forward. I think what these guys teach has a lot of great information in it and it's valuable to people like me.

I posted that video about having standards (the "pathetic" one) because when I saw it, it's speaking realness, the same kind of realness dating is. And the truth is, at least for me, if that negative motivation Tyler speaks of isn't there for me, I wouldn't keep pushing forward, even if those attempts are minimal. It's a battle when you're not ready to go out and put it all out on the line. It's a battle to get rejected left and right, or to approach regardless of the situation or outcome. That's ****s hard. BUT guys like the guys from RSD--tyler, for example, is an extremist, going out everyday for years--but the thing you learn from these guys is that what seems like a "battle" today is normal and easy tomorrow. We just got to do it, and that negative motivation is sometimes what we need. I know I need it. It's the only reason I was dating earlier in the year and it's the only reason I met my ex.

There are things to take from these videos that are highly empowering.

A lot of you probably don't give a **** about it, but I post it anyway  sorry


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Alright I asked the girl for her number a little after noon today because as an obvious general rule, it's important to have someone's number before a date so that you can contact each other in case something comes up or you run into some traffic or you ahve trouble finding each other, whatever. She has the OkCupid app (as do I on my iPhone) so we were messaging each other back and forth yesterday as if it were text messaging. So I didn't feel I needed to ask for her number until the date was set. We set up the date last night though. I'm kinda kicking myself for not asking for her number immediately after setting it up.
> 
> Well our date is for 7:30pm and it's been 4 hours+ since I sent her that message asking for her number and she hasn't got back to me. She might still reply closer to the time of course. But I'm afraid of showing up there at the coffee shop at 7:30 and she no-shows.
> 
> With the mobile app, we're still able to communicate with each other on the go (whenever you get a message, you get that familiar text message ding and a notification on your screen. If you've ever received a text message, you know what I'm talking about). But it's less hassle to just message or call her if we can't find each other or something comes up or whatever. If she's not giving me her number, that is a sign that she may flake me and no-show. I know she's logged into OkCupid like an hour-ish after I messaged her asking for her number (maybe she was logged in in the background via her app though. But her phone would have alerted her anyways.
> 
> So what do I do if she doesn't respond? Do I drive over to the coffee shop at the scheduled time and risk being a victim of a no-show?
> 
> Or do I not show up only for her to actually show up and feel PO'd that I didn't as we agreed?
> 
> I think this girl plays a hot-cold type of game to build tension (it seemed so deliberate that she put off responding to me 2.5-3 hours after I asked her out for coffee while previously we were chatting back and forth very regularly) and she could message me closer to the time to torment me (lol). If not, this could be a no-show and I'm concerned that I'll be stood up and have my time, gas and mileage wasted.


its possible she doesnt have wifi or data at the moment. even if she doesnt reply go anyways


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> its possible she doesnt have wifi or data at the moment. even if she doesnt reply go anyways


The coffee shop is like 13 mins way by car from my place so it wouldn't be a big deal. But I'd be PO'd if she no-showed obviously. I wouldn't take it personally but it's disrespectful if someone wasted my time and money (gas, grabbing a coffee) so obviously I'd be sore about it.


----------



## phoenixwright

She was online about an hour-ish before the scheduled date. And still did not reply. That is shady.

I saw on okcupid that she was still online around 7:15pm-ish (i was about to head to my garage to drive over there but my female friend urged me to send another message just to make sure. She has a feeling this girl is flaking me)
So I send her a quick message if she's still on tonight. No reply.
But then I found out that she wasnt online around 7:15pm-ish. It's just that her connection to the site hasn't timed out yet. She's showing up as offline now and her last online is like 6:20-something. 

Still though my female friend feels that I am in the clear here and I have reasonable grounds to assume this girl is flaking me and that I'm justified in not driving over there.

EDIT: She messaged me 30+ mins after the scheduled date to apologize and tell me she was super busy and now having a break (I guess she was at work and they had her stay later. And did not bother to let me know she couldn't go on the date? wtf? lol I understand that work is important but when you have scheduled engagements, you have to let the person know you can't make it. She suggested rescheduling to Sunday but she didn't get back to me on the time yet.)

I swear kids these days are really lax with etiquette (not even alerting a guy beforehand that she can't make it). It was a smart move for me to not go drive there.


----------



## dal user

Theres actually no point in me trying because I look and sound retarded. I've never ever tried to chat a girl up in my life.


----------



## NoName99

Barette said:


> That's ****ing awesome NoName99, to think that not too long ago you thought that something like this would never happen to you. And here you are, kissing a chick and dating. Don't overthink why or what or when, just enjoy yourself cause it's only up from here.


Thanks!  So true... It seemed so impossible to happen, that today I wouldn't have found it odd to look up to the skies and see a pig happily flying by... Going home, I was actually looking at places and people around me to see if everything was still in place and behaving normally :teeth It felt as though I had entered an imaginary world... I wonder if tomorrow I'll believe it actually happened?


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> She was online about an hour-ish before the scheduled date. And still did not reply. That is shady.
> 
> I saw on okcupid that she was still online around 7:15pm-ish (i was about to head to my garage to drive over there but my female friend urged me to send another message just to make sure. She has a feeling this girl is flaking me)
> So I send her a quick message if she's still on tonight. No reply.
> But then I found out that she wasnt online around 7:15pm-ish. It's just that her connection to the site hasn't timed out yet. She's showing up as offline now and her last online is like 6:20-something.
> 
> Still though my female friend feels that I am in the clear here and I have reasonable grounds to assume this girl is flaking me and that I'm justified in not driving over there.
> 
> EDIT: She messaged me 30+ mins after the scheduled date to apologize and tell me she was super busy and now having a break (I guess she was at work and they had her stay later. And did not bother to let me know she couldn't go on the date? wtf? lol I understand that work is important but when you have scheduled engagements, you have to let the person know you can't make it. She suggested rescheduling to Sunday but she didn't get back to me on the time yet.)
> 
> I swear kids these days are really lax with etiquette (not even alerting a guy beforehand that she can't make it). It was a smart move for me to not go drive there.


another problem with online. Dont feel too bad about this man, its part of the game you are playing. Its unfortunate, but its part of human nature.

This is why talking on the phone is so important. it establishes a verbal connection, until you have a conversation with someone you are still just a person they met online. If you get her number, and talk on the phone, then its different.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Tonight was pathetic. 

Just a complete ghost town and I almost convinced myself for a while that it was actually Thursday. It's very hard for me to get pumped up when there's about three girls per bar especially when I'm going in solo. Hopefully tomorrow is a little busier and if it isn't then I'm going to step it up regardless. 

Something I've noticed recently which is what Julien talks about a lot is committing to a single course of action. For example if I see a girl at a bus stop and I walk past it's almost physically impossible for me to go back. It's ridiculous. Next time it happens I'm going to make a point of just stopping dead and find the will to turn around. it really is silly how much I do this, especially on nights such as tonight when it's super scarce.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Virtual wingman? Approach!

I too can't handle my liquor. I guess if we keep going out then we'll build up a tolerance for it. 

You got anything planned for New Year's Eve?


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Tonight was pathetic.
> 
> Just a complete ghost town and I almost convinced myself for a while that it was actually Thursday. It's very hard for me to get pumped up when there's about three girls per bar especially when I'm going in solo. Hopefully tomorrow is a little busier and if it isn't then I'm going to step it up regardless.
> 
> Something I've noticed recently which is what Julien talks about a lot is committing to a single course of action. For example if I see a girl at a bus stop and I walk past it's almost physically impossible for me to go back. It's ridiculous. Next time it happens I'm going to make a point of just stopping dead and find the will to turn around. it really is silly how much I do this, especially on nights such as tonight when it's super scarce.


take into consideration the time of the year too, probably the worse time of the year to meet women


----------



## bsd3355

*FR #2*



jayjaythejetplane said:


> Virtual wingman? Approach!
> 
> I too can't handle my liquor. I guess if we keep going out then we'll build up a tolerance for it.
> 
> You got anything planned for New Year's Eve?


Not much planned for new year's but I will likely go out.

Only approached a 2 set at a table. I wasn't nervous at all. Talked a bit (5-10 minutes) but they weren't really interested in asking questions. I don't want to keep talking, and I figure I'll meet other girls, so I said goodbye to them and left. Thing was, come 1am and it's still pretty dead besides 100 dudes in the two bars I usually go to so I just went home.

Lesson for next time: always ask for number before leaving. Always ask for number regardless.

I feel pretty good I went out and approached. I didn't have any approach anxiety, which is probably due to my experience, but I have noticed that if you don't go out for a while you need to polish up certain things to get results--in this case, always asking for the number. I will remember this next time I go out.

Other than that, pretty much a dead night. I had only one other chance to talk to another group of girls but didn't because one was on the phone and the only was trying to get inside the bar. I got this **** though. Leaving, I feel like I did what I'm supposed to do. I feel good. Unfortunately, I don't live in a big city or anything so I think my best options are stores and bars until college kicks back in, but I think I may go out to bars even when the semester comes back for the sake of practice. I realize throwing myself out of comfort zones are crucial and it makes me feel good. I want to put emphasis on situations I feel uncomfortable in and challenge them because I know doing so only increases my confidence.

Feeling good I went out  Will repeat tomorrow. I work till 3pm, but hopefully I can get some store approaches in as well as hit it up at night. Feels good, man. It was a good conformation that I can still go solo and approach without fear; just need to polish up somethings and I'll be 100%. Rejections are bound to happen. Probably one other aspect I should put my attention to is approaching mixed-sets as it seems there are a lot of them. Approaching mixed-sets will be somewhat new to me so I think I can learn a lot, but I think it'll be pretty easy if I put my mind to it. Overall, as long as I approach and start a conversation I feel like a high percentage of the job is done. I just need to practice closing.


----------



## pete24

Update on my date.... Exactly as i predicted. 

We met. She really liked me. We had sex. She wants relationship now tho. Another date success


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Update on my date.... Exactly as i predicted.
> 
> We met. She really liked me. We had sex. She wants relationship now tho. Another date success


whats your secret?


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> whats your secret?


No idea. Just be yourself i guess.

I know she really likes me now but no idea what to do. Her family are all ugly. Not the type i wanna meet.

Shes ok but chubby, not fat (id rather fat as fat tends to be flab on stomach or face. She was chubby so no saggy boobs but everything was bigger)

She wants to stay over during new year but dunno. Iv got other dates


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> No idea. Just be yourself i guess.
> 
> I know she really likes me now but no idea what to do. Her family are all ugly. Not the type i wanna meet.
> 
> Shes ok but chubby, not fat (id rather fat as fat tends to be flab on stomach or face. She was chubby so no saggy boobs but everything was bigger)
> 
> She wants to stay over during new year but dunno. Iv got other dates


Congrats on making it happen! You don't want to meet her family because they are "ugly"? Damn dude, that's pretty ****ed up lol. But I'm happy for you and your success

Am I the only one who feels like approaching and meeting girls make you feel more alive? Just from going out last night my whole attitude has changed. I feel good and excited. Anyone else feel like this **** makes you feel more awesome? Seriously. I really wish I can pack up this feeling and carry with me 24/7 because it's what I need to do things right. Approaching seems like fun right now! I'm not even kidding...

I'm going to really focus on why all the sudden I feel this way. I think it has to do with pushing my comfort zones with relation to meeting girls. It's like the adrenaline junky who gets a high off doing crazy ****; afterwards you're buzzing! If that's the case, then if I want to stay feeling this way then I need to keep pushing my comfort zones!

It's probably all a phase but I'm going to pretend like it's not . Maybe I learned a big lesson? Hopefully!

You guys have probably all heard this before, but it's sometimes hard to believe unless you do it. And what I mean is do something incredibly anxiety provoking regarding women (approach, do something stupid-silly, make a fool out of yourself, experiment with an insane opener, etc.). When you do this it shatters the anxiety! Imagine approaching a girl at a cashier position and saying that the two of your should get married or something really loud in front of lots of people... that would shatter your anxiety for the next day or two! Holy ****, I might be on to something here!

It's like the painful rise to the top of the roller coaster (anxiety/fear), but you can't go back because you're strapped in! And before you know it, you're going down that slope and having fun. It's the same thing with approaching girls. The faster you do that anxiety provoking thing, the more you're gonna not give a ****. I'm telling you...i think this is golden and I'm should really start doing this more often! If you want to crash your anxiety then when you face your anxiety situation, don't even view it as successful or with an outcome in mind, do it to shatter your anxiety. i'm telling you, you do this and make it super hard on yourself and get over that hill and you'll be going down the other side having fun.

So a good goal to have in mind next time you're going out is: "I'm going to do something super anxiety provoking with no desired outcome in mind but to shatter the fear"...after that, opening will be EASY


----------



## pete24

Thanks dude, well what I meant is with many women including this 1, its hard to know if your attracted to them or not since they can wear lots of makeup and seem attractive. Then when you see the real them with no makeup you could end up horrified and they may not be your type at all.

Womens parents don't tend to wear makeup and of course they have features that their parents have. If their parents seem attractive to you then they are certain to be attractive. 

Also you know you will have to interact with peoples parents. They seem like real slobs. The sort of house from what I have heard that openly swear and are completely different to the people I would like to meet.

The girl didnt give me that wow factor. Yes I thought she looked better than what I thought she would look like but there was no feeling of wanting to drop all my other dates and get with her after meeting up


----------



## soulless

this week was the three year anniversary of the last time i asked a girl out.... she didnt exactly say no, but it wasn't a yes and we never went out


----------



## phoenixwright

I take it this girl I met off OKCupid is a flake or maybe she met some other guy off the site and isn't as keen on me now (she hasn't been very active on OKCupid lately so it doesn't look like it though. Meanwhile we were online on our phones for quite awhile on Thursday messaging back and forth). When I had asked her Friday night what date/time is good for her, she said Sunday is good. I didn't get back to her immediately (1.5-2 hour delay) plus I had to check online to see the operating hours of the coffee shop. I couldn't find anything (but my app on my phone said it would be open all day). I then said "so sunday say 7pm? Unless the coffee shop closes early on sunday". She was offline at the time. She replied saturday morning no she thinks its an all night one. So I message her a little later that day "alright so sunday 7pm is good?" She didn't go online at all the rest of the saturday (she did say she would be busy all day Saturday). But she went on sunday morning and didn't reply.

Perhaps maybe felt that she had already conveyed the message that she would have been cool with sunday 7pm (all she did was address the question as to whether the coffee shop would be open) and that I was being pushy asking her for a confirmation after she told me that it's open all night if sunday 7pm would be ok? I didn't feel I was being pushy though. It didn't sound like she agreed to 7pm.

Of course it's always possible that she'll reply to me later today. But I am not going to hold my breath. If you're logging onto OkCupid, why would you not check your messages? Especially on the day that you suggested for a date? I'm getting the sense she's a flake and she wouldn't be the first on a dating site.

*Bro-advice needed here*: If this girl doesn't reply to my ("So sunday 7pm is good?") question do I just next her and don't even bother sending a follow-up question?

This situation sucks. But not because I feel like I need to be validated. But I was looking forward to going on a date with a cute DTF nympho. And I was eagerly looking forward to closing out 2012 with a bang.

Later tonight if the date falls through with this girl, I'm going to email SA girl again to see if she's still interested in setting something up mid-late this week (she never got back to me for a whole week as to what date/time is good for her). And then starting January 2 I'm going to be messaging more girls. I want to avoid the New Years chaos right now in case people are busy. I haven't even planned anything for New Year's Eve yet. I just know that I'm going to go do something with friends that night.


----------



## IdontMind

soulless said:


> this week was the three year anniversary of the last time i asked a girl out.... she didnt exactly say no, but it wasn't a yes and we never went out


Sorry bro  you should celebrate it by asking out another one!


----------



## stoolie

I think I'll start seeing a therapist in the beginning of next year.
Guess I'm a harder case than most of you guys here.

It will be interesting to find out if it can help with my shyness and/or approach anxiety.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

phoenixwright said:


> *Bro-advice needed here*: If this girl doesn't reply to my ("So sunday 7pm is good?") question do I just next her and don't even bother sending a follow-up question?


Another message would be begging. And for sex, it sounds like. If you're comfortable with begging for sex, go ahead. But if you see any chance for dating this girl, you should not message her. Since you'd be begging, she'll have the upper hand from the start if she does respond eventually. She saw your message. If she doesn't respond, move on.


----------



## Mlochail

PaysageDHiver said:


> Another message would be begging. And for sex, it sounds like. If you're comfortable with begging for sex, go ahead. But if you see any chance for dating this girl, you should not message her. Since you'd be begging, she'll have the upper hand from the start if she does respond eventually. She saw your message. If she doesn't respond, move on.


Shiiiiit, is that how it is? lol That's so dumb, childish, pathetic and hilarious at the same time!

Upper hand, fck, none has the upper hand on me. I'd rather chop my balls off than follow someone high of too much *****y ego.

What I do? Nothing. Complexes plus becaues of what I said above.


----------



## Zeeshan

II


phoenixwright said:


> I take it this girl I met off OKCupid is a flake or maybe she met some other guy off the site and isn't as keen on me now (she hasn't been very active on OKCupid lately so it doesn't look like it though. Meanwhile we were online on our phones for quite awhile on Thursday messaging back and forth). When I had asked her Friday night what date/time is good for her, she said Sunday is good. I didn't get back to her immediately (1.5-2 hour delay) plus I had to check online to see the operating hours of the coffee shop. I couldn't find anything (but my app on my phone said it would be open all day). I then said "so sunday say 7pm? Unless the coffee shop closes early on sunday". She was offline at the time. She replied saturday morning no she thinks its an all night one. So I message her a little later that day "alright so sunday 7pm is good?" She didn't go online at all the rest of the saturday (she did say she would be busy all day Saturday). But she went on sunday morning and didn't reply.
> 
> Perhaps maybe felt that she had already conveyed the message that she would have been cool with sunday 7pm (all she did was address the question as to whether the coffee shop would be open) and that I was being pushy asking her for a confirmation after she told me that it's open all night if sunday 7pm would be ok? I didn't feel I was being pushy though. It didn't sound like she agreed to 7pm.
> 
> Of course it's always possible that she'll reply to me later today. But I am not going to hold my breath. If you're logging onto OkCupid, why would you not check your messages? Especially on the day that you suggested for a date? I'm getting the sense she's a flake and she wouldn't be the first on a dating site.
> 
> *Bro-advice needed here*: If this girl doesn't reply to my ("So sunday 7pm is good?") question do I just next her and don't even bother sending a follow-up question?
> 
> This situation sucks. But not because I feel like I need to be validated. But I was looking forward to going on a date with a cute DTF nympho. And I was eagerly looking forward to closing out 2012 with a bang.
> 
> Later tonight if the date falls through with this girl, I'm going to email SA girl again to see if she's still interested in setting something up mid-late this week (she never got back to me for a whole week as to what date/time is good for her). And then starting January 2 I'm going to be messaging more girls. I want to avoid the New Years chaos right now in case people are busy. I haven't even planned anything for New Year's Eve yet. I just know that I'm going to go do something with friends that night.


To be honest you are coming of as a bit too desperate. I think you should join me in taking an offline strategy in 2013. Online is garbage


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> To be honest you are coming of as a bit too desperate


How though? In my opinion it wasn't clear to me that she agreed on sunday at 7 so I asked "so sunday 7pm is good?" All she said was that the coffee shop was most likely open all night. She never said anything that seemed like a confirmation on the time.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> How though? In my opinion it wasn't clear to me that she agreed on sunday at 7 so I asked "so sunday 7pm is good?" All she said was that the coffee shop was most likely open all night. She never said anything that seemed like a confirmation on the time.


It just seems like you are very eager to meetup. Sorry that's just the way it appeared. One thing I do Is never confirm. They usually text before themselves


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> It just seems like you are very eager to meetup. Sorry that's just the way it appeared. One thing I do Is never confirm. They usually text before themselves


Here's the transcript from Friday (the day we set the date) onward

Me (Friday 12:37pm): Hey <her name>. Almost forgot. What's your number? Probably a good idea to have that before meeting tonight. lol
Me (Friday, 7:16pm *14 mins before scheduled date time*): Hey are we still on tonight?
Her (Friday, 8:06pm *36 mins after the scheduled date time*): Sorry! Got really busy! Now I'm just taking a break
Me (Friday, 8:16pm): No worries. What day/time would you like to reschedule for?
Her (Friday, 8:18pm): Hummer well I'm busy all tomorrow, but I think Sunday is OK, I usually save Sundays for lazy days
Me (Friday, 8:45pm): Sunday is perfect. I'm busy tomorrow too. So Sunday say 7pm? Unless your Tims closes early on Sunday.
Her (Saturday, 10:19am): Nope, I think its a all night one
Me (Saturday, 12:42pm): Alright. So Sunday 7pm is good?

My interpretation of the situation is that she was going to flake regardless of what I did and I didn't do anything wrong. But if you feel differently, I'm willing to hear your interpretation. Girls I have actually went on dates with have *never* been that casual with me. I think she was going to flake regardless.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Here's the transcript from Friday (the day we set the date) onward
> 
> Me (Friday 12:37pm): Hey . Almost forgot. What's your number? Probably a good idea to have that before meeting tonight. lol
> Me (Friday, 7:16pm *14 mins before scheduled date time*): Hey are we still on tonight?
> Her (Friday, 8:06pm *36 mins after the scheduled date time*): Sorry! Got really busy! Now I'm just taking a break
> Me (Friday, 8:16pm): No worries. What day/time would you like to reschedule for?
> Her (Friday, 8:18pm): Hummer well I'm busy all tomorrow, but I think Sunday is OK, I usually save Sundays for lazy days
> Me (Friday, 8:45pm): Sunday is perfect. I'm busy tomorrow too. So Sunday say 7pm? Unless your Tims closes early on Sunday.
> Her (Saturday, 10:19am): Nope, I think its a all night one
> Me (Saturday, 12:42pm): Alright. So Sunday 7pm is good?
> 
> My interpretation of the situation is that she was going to flake regardless of what I did and I didn't do anything wrong. But if you feel differently, I'm willing to hear your interpretation. Girls I have actually went on dates with have *never* been that casual with me. I think she was going to flake regardless.


I think the fact that she didnt give u her number says it all. However it could be unrelated to u for example she might be insecure in her looks

In either case save your double double money this one isn't interested in a relationship just wants interest to boost her ego


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I think the fact that she didnt give u her number says it all. However it could be unrelated to u for example she might be insecure in her looks
> 
> In either case save your double double money this one isn't interested in a relationship just wants interest to boost her ego


Online dating for women us like porn. They always want to see the next guy


----------



## Zeeshan

This is how online dating works for women.

Now keep in mind that women who go online are usually not getting much attention in real life, since men have the tendency to scoop out attractive women, online is filled with women that dont draw much attention in real life, there are exceptions, but they are few and far between

So a typical 5-6 out of 10 girl goes online. All of a sudden she is getting all these messages from guys, most looking for sex. Her mentality changes, when she joined online her expectations were realistic, but now she thinks, if all these guys are online then i must be more desirable than i thought.

Now remember this is an attention starved girl, one that likely has seen tons of her friends etc. receive lots. So now she starts talking to a few guys, but there is always the next guy messaging her, and the next guy, and the next guy. She loves the attention, and just cant get over it.

Just like pornography for men. The internet caused this phenomenon where there is always the next scene which may be even more enticing, so the guy keeps switcing, looking at more and more material, fast forwarding etc. 

Same with women. the apps on the phone always pop up new messages. Now her EGO is inflated based on all this false desire. However when she does decide to actually meet men, reality quickly bites. Its either a loser or a guy looking for sex. So she goes back and does this even more. The dopamine fix from all these incoming messages is driving the flakey and ego inflated behavior

Luckily most quality women don't bother with online, they are just everywhere


----------



## phoenixwright

Yeah I admit I was motivated primarily by sex with this girl. When I was browsing OKCupid, I came across her pic and thought "oh God she's gorgeous, replies very selectively, damn out of my league". Then I went into her pics and I saw the body shot and I felt let down. And I read her profile and she mentioned being insecure about her size (5'3", size 16). I look at her match answers and I see 1-2 dates, would have sex on the first date, loves anal sex, loves oral, enjoys meaningless sex, etc. And I just couldn't help myself. Even though I promised myself I would not search out specifically for casual sex. Casual sex is overrated as hell. But the desire for sex is still there on some level. So I sent her a message telling her that she is gorgeous, has a beautiful face and I appreciate women with curves (that's not a lie but she's more than I would like) and she responded positively (despite responding very selectively) and I was thinking "aha, I got this girl's weak spot."


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Yeah I admit I was motivated primarily by sex with this girl. When I was browsing OKCupid, I came across her pic and thought "oh God she's gorgeous, replies very selectively, damn out of my league". Then I went into her pics and I saw the body shot and I felt let down. And I read her profile and she mentioned being insecure about her size (5'3", size 16). I look at her match answers and I see 1-2 dates, would have sex on the first date, loves anal sex, loves oral, enjoys meaningless sex, etc. And I just couldn't help myself. Even though I promised myself I would not search out specifically for casual sex. Casual sex is overrated as hell. But the desire for sex is still there on some level. So I sent her a message telling her that she is gorgeous, has a beautiful face and I appreciate women with curves (that's not a lie but she's more than I would like) and she responded positively (despite responding very selectively) and I was thinking "aha, I got this girl's weak spot."


i am telling you guy, online is a huge waste. It should be like a last resort


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> i am telling you guy, online is a huge waste. It should be like a last resort


Plus the whole online dating thing is a safe way for her to boost her ego without ruining her reputation. Girls who go out and sleep with a whole bunch of men are branded as "****s" or "*****s". She might seem like this ****ty, DTF girl (Not that there is anything wrong with being a ****. Anything that increases a guy's chances of getting laid can't be a bad thing right?) based on her profile answers. But how the hell do I know that's the real her? She can be whatever the hell she wants to be online.

Girls feel threatened by "easy girls" (as if they are going to seduce their boyfriends/husbands). And men don't feel they can trust them (In the words of Snoop Dogg: "you can't make a ho a housewife") but won't hesitate to sleep with one.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Plus the whole online dating thing is a safe way for her to boost her ego without ruining her reputation. Girls who go out and sleep with a whole bunch of men are branded as "****s" or "*****s". She might seem like this ****ty, DTF girl (Not that there is anything wrong with being a ****. Anything that increases a guy's chances of getting laid can't be a bad thing right?) based on her profile answers. But how the hell do I know that's the real her? She can be whatever the hell she wants to be online.
> 
> Girls feel threatened by "easy girls" (as if they are going to seduce their boyfriends/husbands). And men don't feel they can trust them (In the words of Snoop Dogg: "you can't make a ho a housewife") but won't hesitate to sleep with one.


Lol we should just start ranking women. Give them numbers out of 10. That's it one number nothing else in the message.

Bet it will be successful


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

My plans for tonight have completely gone out the window. My sister being the social butterfly she is, I figured I'd just tag along with her, but as it turns out she's staying in with her best friend and the girls daughter. All of a sudden I'm faced with going solo once again, but this time it's the biggest night of the year. My anxiety is through the roof. :afr


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> My plans for tonight have completely gone out the window. My sister being the social butterfly she is, I figured I'd just tag along with her, but as it turns out she's staying in with her best friend and the girls daughter. All of a sudden I'm faced with going solo once again, but this time it's the biggest night of the year. My anxiety is through the roof. :afr


That's the best part! Having more people around means you don't stand out as much! You can literally walk around for hours and no one will hardly notice, even you talking to girls.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Well I'm going for it. I probably haven't been this anxious for a month so stepping out the door is a victory tonight, although I'm not for a second going to use that as an excuse to not approach. Have fun gents.


----------



## Rossy

I might have a girl on the horizon,she seems rather taken with me.


----------



## Zeeshan

As we close the year 2012 off, i once again want to thank sas forum for this thread. Its really changed my prespective on life. I didnt have such a good December, but i had really let the steam out of the engine.

However i have spend some time looking back at this thread, and reading some of my old posts. I must say that no matter who participates regularly in this thread, there has been great success. I think its all about ownership, by taking part, we are taking ownership of ourselves. I have basically learned 2 lessons, one you have to be very direct withyourself and others. Its easy to be delusional in life, before this thread started, i had not had a date for 2 years. So i must say that me going out into the world, changing my prespective in life, and everything else, i owe a lot of it to participating in this thread.

I wish people could see the difference that i see in myself from the begining of 2012. I have so much confidence now, borderline arrogance, that its astonishing. People call me everything from extremely social to the life of the party. 

Thank you guys for staying here, i know that as long as we continue this thread, 2013 will be the best year of all of our lifes


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> I might have a girl on the horizon,she seems rather taken with me.


Good for you,


----------



## falling down

Zeeshan said:


> Good for you,


be careful this could be viewed as sarcastic and result in an infraction...:roll


----------



## Cyclonic

I just lost a potential date.

The girl I've been talking to on OKC randomly deleted her account (for the fourth or fifth time) in the middle of our conversation. I have no other way to contact her. I also have my doubts if she's really a woman or just a dating site troll, way out of my league and the constant random deletion thing, just seems fishy.


----------



## Zeeshan

falling down said:


> be careful this could be viewed as sarcastic and result in an infraction...:roll


no why he has been down for quite some time, i wasnt being sarcasti

2000!


----------



## phoenixwright

I sent a follow-up email to SA girl about meeting for coffee (which she postponed due to family christmas stuff). We are meeting Wednesday evening.  Booya. We're just going out as friends but I'm going to win her over eventually.

January 2nd, I'm going to message more girls more girls. Or maybe even start January 1st since I guess people aren't busy anymore after they wake up from their hangover right? I messaged a girl today but I noticed she hasn't logged on in 5 months+ so that likely won't go anywhere but you never know. As soon as it was apparent from her OKCupid match answers that she is DTF and I found out she was a big geek, I just had to message her.

My strategy for 2013 is to just kill spray *****es. Aim for much more volume. Just like bwidger and I believe rymo said, it's a numbers game. And I'm going to beat that pinata relentlessly until candy spills out. I haven't pursued that many women in 2012 (moreso than I did in 2011 though). 2012 was a baby step year with a lot of self-reflection.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I sent a follow-up email to SA girl about meeting for coffee (which she postponed due to family christmas stuff). We are meeting Wednesday evening.  Booya. We're just going out as friends but I'm going to win her over eventually.
> 
> January 2nd, I'm going to message more girls more girls. Or maybe even start January 1st since I guess people aren't busy anymore after they wake up from their hangover right? I messaged a girl today but I noticed she hasn't logged on in 5 months+ so that likely won't go anywhere but you never know. As soon as it was apparent from her OKCupid match answers that she is DTF and I found out she was a big geek, I just had to message her.
> 
> My strategy for 2013 is to just kill spray *****es. Aim for much more volume. Just like bwidger and I believe rymo said, it's a numbers game. And I'm going to beat that pinata relentlessly until candy spills out. I haven't pursued that many women in 2012 (moreso than I did in 2011 though). 2012 was a baby step year with a lot of self-reflection.


allright! Thats great buddy, remember fortune invariably FORTUNE ALWAYS FAVOURS THE BOLD ALWAYS


----------



## Rossy

I am not sure if I should try it with this girl,we get on well,similar intrests,she says we have a lot in common,wanting to come with me on walks,show me what a night cuddled up on the couch is like ect.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> I am not sure if I should try it with this girl,we get on well,similar intrests,she says we have a lot in common,wanting to come with me on walks,show me what a night cuddled up on the couch is like ect.


what are you waiting for a sign? i am giving you one! go for it!


----------



## Rossy

I know I am not sure yet,she's a nice girl but not the look I am attracted too. I dont want that to sound harsh she looks fine just not the kind I would automatically go for.


----------



## bsd3355

*FR #3*

Tonight was OK. Went out solo. Was probably going to meet up with a friend but that didn't go through. Talked to a few people. Talked to a few girls but nothing very direct. I realize this is something I should experiment with, being direct. I probably could of got a couple numbers but I didn't push for anything, but I'm still satisfied with just going out. I want to be more direct though, something like, "Hey, you girls are cute. How are you?"..just something that shows I'm interested at least. I don't really care if it works out or not, but at least it'll set the frame. Just experimenting. That's sometimes what it's all about.

I'll probably post more FRs here every now and then but I think my main focus is going to be put into RSD forum reports (I've had my thread there since February 2012). I'm more explicit with stuff there because everyone else is pretty much on the same page and right now that's where I want to post stuff. I plan on going out a lot more. If you'd like to get a link to my thread there then PM me and ask and I'll give you a link. I'd rather not put the link here because I just don't want to share certain things here, but on that forum things are more explicit and personal. Basically, I need to go into player-mode for a while for personal reasons, and the only way for me to do that is to really step it up. Who knows though, it might just be a phase, but that site is dedicated to what I'm trying to do at the moment. A lot of people here probably wouldn't care or wouldn't really like it so w/e, but there is a good reason in it for me. I really need to get hardcore with this because I want deeper experiences than what I've experienced thus far.

Just random stuff, but here are some notes from "hotseat 2" from Owen Cook and Julien from RSD (i got this via another person on the forums who attended the hotseats and took notes). Just some stuff to look over if you're interested (i just thought it was kinda cool ):

tyler notes
julien notes

Happy new years! Even though it doesn't mean much to me lol


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Tonight was fun. It started off slow as usual, but it really picked up when I bumped into an old buddy. We started bouncing around town catching up and the social momentum from seeing all these friends from old just really pumped my state up. Amongst that I approached a girl who seemed to be giving me IOI so I pursued and all was going well till her boyfriend appeared. Thankfully he was chill.

We then started hopping round the bars before we settled on one with decent music and an abundance of girls. Again, a new environment I was a little in my head, but after a couple more shots I was super present. We were having a blast and before I knew it the girls where pulling us over to the dance-floor, but not before I snuck in a "I don't dance for anybody" which of course made them pull me harder. Surrounded I quickly recognised this cute girl who had fully given me the green light whilst I was busy drinking. Fully in the moment and not thinking for a second, I put my hand on her lower back, pulled her body into mine and rolled out Tim's famous "Have you had your first bar kiss tonight?". I was right in her ear at this point (cutting the proximity) and when she replied no I just went for it. Now my friend said this lasted for a while, but to me it felt quick. After that I asked her where she lived (we live in the same area) and then she slipped out her phone and asked me for my number. I didn't have my phone (inadvertent boss) so I borrowed my friends and the number was closed. Still feeling the moment I went for another kiss and in a giggly nature she told me no. Our bodies where still super close, so this time I rolled out a Julien line. "You can either live out your boring little safe life doing the same **** everyday or you can kiss me and take a risk". Again not thinking it just worked and this time I grabbed her *** with no resistance whatsoever just to see where the boundaries where. Last orders had been and gone at that point and despite my friend craving validation we left sharpish and the girl instantly text full of intrigue.

Champion!

Now that I'm easing down from the high its still quite hard to fathom what actually happened, but I realised it all arose from me just having fun, acting through my intentions and rapidly moving it forward. It was great that I exploded my comfort zone and that I've got all these very real reference points, but bumping into my old friend was the real winner of the night. We're already planning on doing the same tomorrow. Awesome.

Those notes are golden, bwidger85. Thank you.


----------



## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Tonight was fun. It started off slow as usual, but it really picked up when I bumped into an old buddy. We started bouncing around town catching up and the social momentum from seeing all these friends from old just really pumped my state up. Amongst that I approached a girl who seemed to be giving me IOI so I pursued and all was going well till her boyfriend appeared. Thankfully he was chill.
> 
> We then started hopping round the bars before we settled on one with decent music and an abundance of girls. Again, a new environment I was a little in my head, but after a couple more shots I was super present. We were having a blast and before I knew it the girls where pulling us over to the dance-floor, but not before I snuck in a "I don't dance for anybody" which of course made them pull me harder. Surrounded I quickly recognised this cute girl who had fully given me the green light whilst I was busy drinking. Fully in the moment and not thinking for a second, I put my hand on her lower back, pulled her body into mine and rolled out Tim's famous "Have you had your first bar kiss tonight?". I was right in her ear at this point (cutting the proximity) and when she replied no I just went for it. Now my friend said this lasted for a while, but to me it felt quick. After that I asked her where she lived (we live in the same area) and then she slipped out her phone and asked me for my number. I didn't have my phone (inadvertent boss) so I borrowed my friends and the number was closed. Still feeling the moment I went for another kiss and in a giggly nature she told me no. Our bodies where still super close, so this time I rolled out a Julien line. "You can either live out your boring little safe life doing the same **** everyday or you can kiss me and take a risk". Again not thinking it just worked and this time I grabbed her *** with no resistance whatsoever just to see where the boundaries where. Last orders had been and gone at that point and despite my friend craving validation we left sharpish and the girl instantly text full of intrigue.
> 
> Champion!
> 
> Now that I'm easing down from the high its still quite hard to fathom what actually happened, but I realised it all arose from me just having fun, acting through my intentions and rapidly moving it forward. It was great that I exploded my comfort zone and that I've got all these very real reference points, but bumping into my old friend was the real winner of the night. We're already planning on doing the same tomorrow. Awesome.
> 
> Those notes are golden, bwidger85. Thank you.


That sounds awesome!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Tonight was OK. Went out solo. Was probably going to meet up with a friend but that didn't go through. Talked to a few people. Talked to a few girls but nothing very direct. I realize this is something I should experiment with, being direct. I probably could of got a couple numbers but I didn't push for anything, but I'm still satisfied with just going out. I want to be more direct though, something like, "Hey, you girls are cute. How are you?"..just something that shows I'm interested at least. I don't really care if it works out or not, but at least it'll set the frame. Just experimenting. That's sometimes what it's all about.
> 
> I'll probably post more FRs here every now and then but I think my main focus is going to be put into RSD forum reports (I've had my thread there since February 2012). I'm more explicit with stuff there because everyone else is pretty much on the same page and right now that's where I want to post stuff. I plan on going out a lot more. If you'd like to get a link to my thread there then PM me and ask and I'll give you a link. I'd rather not put the link here because I just don't want to share certain things here, but on that forum things are more explicit and personal. Basically, I need to go into player-mode for a while for personal reasons, and the only way for me to do that is to really step it up. Who knows though, it might just be a phase, but that site is dedicated to what I'm trying to do at the moment. A lot of people here probably wouldn't care or wouldn't really like it so w/e, but there is a good reason in it for me. I really need to get hardcore with this because I want deeper experiences than what I've experienced thus far.
> 
> Just random stuff, but here are some notes from "hotseat 2" from Owen Cook and Julien from RSD (i got this via another person on the forums who attended the hotseats and took notes). Just some stuff to look over if you're interested (i just thought it was kinda cool ):
> 
> tyler notes
> julien notes
> 
> Happy new years! Even though it doesn't mean much to me lol


Happy new year bro! We do it in 2013


----------



## Ivan AG

I got a long message on OK cupid from a girl telling me she finds me interesting and wants to get to know me better.

The only problem is that I have no physical attraction towards her. Like absolute 0 attraction.

I don't know what to do here. I haven't responded yet but she knows I've looked at her profile.


----------



## John The Great

Waiting/causing her to break up with her boyfriend 8) No, but seriously, every girl I've been attracted to has been in a relationship and at times it makes me want to explode.


----------



## Ivan AG

bwidger85 said:


> Tonight was OK. Went out solo. Was probably going to meet up with a friend but that didn't go through. Talked to a few people. Talked to a few girls but nothing very direct. I realize this is something I should experiment with, being direct. I probably could of got a couple numbers but I didn't push for anything, but I'm still satisfied with just going out. I want to be more direct though, something like, "Hey, you girls are cute. How are you?"..just something that shows I'm interested at least. I don't really care if it works out or not, but at least it'll set the frame. Just experimenting. That's sometimes what it's all about.
> 
> I'll probably post more FRs here every now and then but I think my main focus is going to be put into RSD forum reports (I've had my thread there since February 2012). I'm more explicit with stuff there because everyone else is pretty much on the same page and right now that's where I want to post stuff. I plan on going out a lot more. If you'd like to get a link to my thread there then PM me and ask and I'll give you a link. I'd rather not put the link here because I just don't want to share certain things here, but on that forum things are more explicit and personal. Basically, I need to go into player-mode for a while for personal reasons, and the only way for me to do that is to really step it up. Who knows though, it might just be a phase, but that site is dedicated to what I'm trying to do at the moment. A lot of people here probably wouldn't care or wouldn't really like it so w/e, but there is a good reason in it for me. I really need to get hardcore with this because I want deeper experiences than what I've experienced thus far.
> 
> Just random stuff, but here are some notes from "hotseat 2" from Owen Cook and Julien from RSD (i got this via another person on the forums who attended the hotseats and took notes). Just some stuff to look over if you're interested (i just thought it was kinda cool ):
> 
> tyler notes
> julien notes
> 
> Happy new years! Even though it doesn't mean much to me lol


WOWOWOW bwidger you're a baws for posting these notes!


----------



## Zeeshan

John The Great said:


> Waiting/causing her to break up with her boyfriend 8) No, but seriously, every girl I've been attracted to has been in a relationship and at times it makes me want to explode.


Maybe you only look for girls in a relationship


----------



## phoenixwright

How the hell does jay get away with that **** without getting slapped? Even if you are ridiculously good looking (I haven't seen a pic of you), I can't imagine you can get away with this ****. I feel like you are leaving details out in your story. A girl won't just let you be forceful with her like that right off the bat. Unless UK girls are easy or the girls are easy in the particular bars you go to. What is your secret? lol. The only time I encounter aggressive behaviour from women like that so early on is when they are psycho, desperate (often times psycho AND desperate!), an escort or a stripper!

Female sexuality is more liberated these days but it's not quite girls gone wild. If a girl makes out with guys at a bar or nightclub like it's nothing or has sex with a bunch of guys, she is seen as a **** and her reputation is ruined. Girls can enjoy sex too but not as much as guys ( Women need more time to get off in bed whereas the average guy doesn't last more than 3-5 minutes. lol)

There are women out there that love to have lots of non-committal sex. If a guy has staying power and he knows what he's doing (like me), women love sex. But I think those girls are very discrete about their lifestyle. They might go to bars and nightclubs alone and then discretely hookup with a guy afterwards (full-on making out in a bar/nightclub with a guy you barely know where someone who might know you in real-life can see you is risky). They might put up a profile on a dating site and say that their "number" is 3-5 dates or even 6+ but then have sex with the guy on the first date in real-life (I hear this happens a lot!). Or they might actually be open about their intentions online (some are) but then they'd risk their friends finding their profile if they happen to be a member of a dating site. I'd imagine that a lot of girls are cautious about hooking up in high school, college or especially work because in that kind of environment, word spreads like wildfire. Hell if I was a girl and I wanted to get laid, I would do exactly what I described above. You don't want word to get around on campus or work that you are a ****. But if you discretely hookup in the bar/club scene going out alone or using online dating, you greatly minimize the chances of word getting around.

Jenna Marbles (youtube celebrity) is telling women in 2013 to stop being ****s. We're not quite at that point yet where women are "sexually liberated". It's still taboo for women to want casual sex.


----------



## John The Great

Zeeshan said:


> Maybe you only look for girls in a relationship


I don't look for anyone. Randomly, I'm either attracted to someone or I'm not (none of this rate 1-10 BS). Makes sense that they'd be in a relationship though because there's a reason that they're lustful and I'm clearly not the only guy to notice.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> How the hell does jay get away with that **** without getting slapped? .


in my experience, the idea that a woman might slap you is only in the movies. you can pretty much touch a girl anywhere, and make it look quite normal. At the very worst, she might walk away.

As long as you do it discretely they wont mind.

Correct me if i am wrong, but earlier in the thread did you not say that you have used prostitutes in the past. i could be mistaking you for someone else's posts


----------



## Zeeshan

Just sitting at Starbucks watching and waiting. Not much action at this one maybe its the new years

Im going to be spending most of my time in public this year creating opportunities

One of the issues is that going out alone is very boring but already I can see myself willimg to approach this year just no good options 

Its freezing outside and I am still not comfortable with the bar n club scene

Also of note is that today marks 2 months since I last had sex. So saying I'm frustrated would be an understatement


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> How the hell does jay get away with that **** without getting slapped? Even if you are ridiculously good looking (I haven't seen a pic of you), I can't imagine you can get away with this ****. I feel like you are leaving details out in your story. A girl won't just let you be forceful with her like that right off the bat. Unless UK girls are easy or the girls are easy in the particular bars you go to. What is your secret? lol. The only time I encounter aggressive behaviour from women like that so early on is when they are psycho, desperate (often times psycho AND desperate!), an escort or a stripper!


I don't know what makes you say all this but you're 100% wrong. In a bar or club (I.e. high-energy environments), you actually HAVE to be forceful and high-energy in most situations. And it really is that easy to make out very quickly in this type of place. If you are as or more energetic and fun than the venue itself, girls will melt. My record for a makeout in a club is within 2 minutes of taking to a girl. Probably a minute and a half. I'm not saying it's so easy, but if you can manage to get yourself into an awesome, social mood and then just go for it you will do great.

New Years resolutions anyone? For me it's getting more comfortable talking with groups of more than 3 people. This is my weakness, so I'm going to be trying to overcome it. This doesn't necessarily have to involve girls - in fact I'm actually already much more comfortable talking to girls than guys. Just going to be approaching everyone, saying what's on my mind, being who I want to be. No more holding back - ever. 2012 was just the beginning.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> I don't know what makes you say all this but you're 100% wrong. In a bar or club (I.e. high-energy environments), you actually HAVE to be forceful and high-energy in most situations. And it really is that easy to make out very quickly in this type of place. If you are as or more energetic and fun than the venue itself, girls will melt. My record for a makeout in a club is within 2 minutes of taking to a girl. Probably a minute and a half. I'm not saying it's so easy, but if you can manage to get yourself into an awesome, social mood and then just go for it you will do great.
> 
> New Years resolutions anyone? For me it's getting more comfortable talking with groups of more than 3 people. This is my weakness, so I'm going to be trying to overcome it. This doesn't necessarily have to involve girls - in fact I'm actually already much more comfortable talking to girls than guys. Just going to be approaching everyone, saying what's on my mind, being who I want to be. No more holding back - ever. 2012 was just the beginning.


Two minutes? What are you doing? Apparently you are a really good looking guy but I know it's just not looks because I'm not exactly hurting in that department from what I've been told. I think I'm a long way off from approaching girls at bars and nightclubs (though I'm getting older and older so I feel like I should be doing this. Though I don't know if that is the right environment for me specifically). Girls in that scene intimidate me especially (even if they are not attractive). I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep a conversation going (I worry the same with dates. But at least with online dating, you delay the inevitable and if the girl agrees to go on a date with you, chances are she thinks I'm cute and interesting enough to go on a date with. And you have some material from online/text conversations to work with on the real date. So that's why it's less scary. When you just flat-out approach a woman, you have that fear kicking into high gear immediately). That I'm not going to be able to escalate. Or worse, that she is going to just be repulsed when I approach her and think/ say "loser" or "in your dreams" or something else nasty. The truth is that a lot of women are nasty and it's hard to just not take what the nasty ones say to heart and to just keep looking for the right one. I said "hi" to this blonde on the street once and she didn't even acknowledge me while her friend next to her said "weird" or "weirdo" or something to that effect.

It's ridiculous how women think they are hot **** and better than me just by making one snap split-second judgment about me. They don't know me. A girl I banged last year (a non-escort) told me that no other man has lasted in bed as long as I have, that I was the best in bed and loves it when I give it to her hard and aggressively (her almost falling off my bed, headboard rattling sex). She nicknamed me the Energizer Bunny (TM). I can't cum from sex. Many girls would love to have a boyfriend with my gift. Yet they look at me and they probably think I'm some socially awkward, virgin loser (that's why I have been saying to guys that **** doesn't really change all that much when you lose your virginity. You're still going to be that same socially awkward guy. You just managed to find a woman that would sleep with you). Meanwhile these nasty women ain't ****. They offer nothing of value to me. I'm looking for a cool, chill girl who isn't a *****. I get dat paper and bang hoes who know how to work it. So a girl needs to offer something of value to me other than her vagina for me to care. Like having a good heart. Even though the nasty women are no good though, their words don't hurt any less unfortunately. Those words get embedded internally as permanent scars. Like that older woman I went on a date with in the summer who was completely nasty to me. Remember her? When I observe women out in public with their frowns/scowls and when I look through the profiles on dating sites, I just get this sense that there is a culture of nastiness in modern North American women and that femininity and female romanticism is dead (but I hold on to the hope that these things aren't true).


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Two minutes? What are you doing? Apparently you are a really good looking guy but I know it's just not looks because I'm not exactly hurting in that department from what I've been told. I think I'm a long way off from approaching girls at bars and nightclubs (though I'm getting older and older so I feel like I should be doing this. Though I don't know if that is the right environment for me specifically). Girls in that scene intimidate me especially (even if they are not attractive). I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep a conversation going (I worry the same with dates. But at least with online dating, you delay the inevitable and if the girl agrees to go on a date with you, chances are she thinks I'm cute and interesting enough to go on a date with. And you have some material from online/text conversations to work with on the real date. So that's why it's less scary. When you just flat-out approach a woman, you have that fear kicking into high gear immediately). That I'm not going to be able to escalate. Or worse, that she is going to just be repulsed when I approach her and think/ say "loser" or "in your dreams" or something else nasty. The truth is that a lot of women are nasty and it's hard to just not take what the nasty ones say to heart and to just keep looking for the right one. I said "hi" to this blonde on the street once and she didn't even acknowledge me while her friend next to her said "weird" or "weirdo" or something to that effect.


If she doesn't want to get to know you why does it matter what she thinks? I think this is in ur head. I talked to you and you converse just fine.

I have the same thought about bars and clubs.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I don't know what makes you say all this but you're 100% wrong. In a bar or club (I.e. high-energy environments), you actually HAVE to be forceful and high-energy in most situations. And it really is that easy to make out very quickly in this type of place. If you are as or more energetic and fun than the venue itself, girls will melt. My record for a makeout in a club is within 2 minutes of taking to a girl. Probably a minute and a half. I'm not saying it's so easy, but if you can manage to get yourself into an awesome, social mood and then just go for it you will do great.
> 
> New Years resolutions anyone? For me it's getting more comfortable talking with groups of more than 3 people. This is my weakness, so I'm going to be trying to overcome it. This doesn't necessarily have to involve girls - in fact I'm actually already much more comfortable talking to girls than guys. Just going to be approaching everyone, saying what's on my mind, being who I want to be. No more holding back - ever. 2012 was just the beginning.


Allrigth man that's the way to do it. Direct honest transparent upfront. Women love that no people love that! Its shows worth and when you show self worth others give you respect


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Two minutes? What are you doing? Apparently you are a really good looking guy but I know it's just not looks because I'm not exactly hurting in that department from what I've been told. I think I'm a long way off from approaching girls at bars and nightclubs (though I'm getting older and older so I feel like I should be doing this. Though I don't know if that is the right environment for me specifically). Girls in that scene intimidate me especially (even if they are not attractive). I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep a conversation going (I worry the same with dates. But at least with online dating, you delay the inevitable and if the girl agrees to go on a date with you, chances are she thinks I'm cute and interesting enough to go on a date with. And you have some material from online/text conversations to work with on the real date. So that's why it's less scary. When you just flat-out approach a woman, you have that fear kicking into high gear immediately). That I'm not going to be able to escalate. Or worse, that she is going to just be repulsed when I approach her and think/ say "loser" or "in your dreams" or something else nasty. The truth is that a lot of women are nasty and it's hard to just not take what the nasty ones say to heart and to just keep looking for the right one. I said "hi" to this blonde on the street once and she didn't even acknowledge me while her friend next to her said "weird" or "weirdo" or something to that effect.


Like I said, it's not easy to start doing this. You are having stage fright...the overwhelming fears and anxieties relating to approaching a girl and potentially being rejected. That's normal, and it's enhanced due to SA. But just know that those fears are all part of the game. First things first, though: you are NOT going to impress every girl, so get that out of your head immediately. You WILL be rejected. Everyone is, even the most experienced and confident guys. The only way to succeed at this is to push through rejections and move on to the next girl. Will some girls think you're a weirdo? You're damn right. But so what? What some floozy at a bar thinks about you from a minute-long interaction does not define you. If you have a positive attitude, it will only make you stronger as you learn from your mistakes and grow from them.

One tip to keep in mind is that you are not necessarily trying to have some deep conversation at night with a girl. If it's a high-energy environment, you want to have your flirting skills sharpened and ready to go. Fun and excitement are what you want to project, so instead of thinking of approaching a girl as initiating a conversation with her, think of it instead as showing her a good time. If you can do that, you're in.


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## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> One tip to keep in mind is that you are not necessarily trying to have some deep conversation at night with a girl. If it's a high-energy environment, you want to have your flirting skills sharpened and ready to go. Fun and excitement are what you want to project, so instead of thinking of approaching a girl as initiating a conversation with her, think of it instead as showing her a good time. If you can do that, you're in.


How do you show them a good time though? lol.


----------



## ravens

phoenixwright said:


> How do you show them a good time though? lol.


I wouldn't know how to show any girl a good time. I should've learned that a long time ago.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> How do you show them a good time though? lol.


Smile. Physically escalate. Flirt. These are just things that take practice, I can't give you some magical steps that will allow you to become better at them. The way I first learned was watching others do it (e.g. simplepickup) and then emulating them in the real world. Eventually, as I became more comfortable I was able to inject my own personality into showing a girl a good time.

Just to prove this is something that takes practice (at least for us SAers): I became extremely confident approaching girls by the end of the summer but since I haven't done a lot of approaching lately, it's become very hard for me again. I get those fears and I wonder if I'll have anything to say. But when I do start up again I know that it will be much, much easier to get back on that horse because it really is like riding a bike. Once you learn you never forget, even though if you haven't done it in a while it can be a little scary to try again.


----------



## Zeeshan

ravens said:


> I wouldn't know how to show any girl a good time. I should've learned that a long time ago.


So you want to die an old man with regret? What do you have to lose really???? I just dont understand you're point of view.

I mean you literally have nothing to lose, you should be taking ridicolous risks


----------



## phoenixwright

I'm going to have coffee with that SA girl tonight (technically it is Wednesday so yea).

I sent a message to another woman on OKCupid and I got turned on by her main profile pic (She wasn't exceptionally looking but she was wearing a nice dress and she gives off a nympho vibe) so I just said **** it and wrote in the message at the end (after saying something about her profession that I can relate to since it's related to the volunteer work that I do) that I just wanted to add that she is sexy as hell. She's not like a 8-10 or anything like that. Maybe not even a 7. Her reply to the compliment (she replied to the other stuff as well) was "aww shucks, thanks "

Is it a bad sign if you flirt with a woman and she just accepts a compliment and doesn't flirt back? Yes this one is a woman, not a girl. 29 but she's like an old 29 whereas I'm like a young 27. It would be like going after a cougar. Her OKCupid match answers suggests she's kinda feisty so I just wanna get laid. ****. I am feisty lately. ****. lol.

I'm yo-yoing between wanting a serious relationship and wanting to get laid. The SA girl is someone I'm thinking more long-term with. Just hanging out as friends but I feel like there may be potential for more in the future. I have some sort of intuitive feeling. When I look at her, it's like being hit by the "thunderbolt": 



 She actually kinda looks like Apollonia even! lol. A part of me wants that nice girl to settle down with. But at the same time, I don't know, I guess maybe it's because it's a new year and it's a reminder that I'm getting older, I really wanna get ****ing laid right now. I don't know. Probably just a phase I'm going through right now.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Tonight was fun. It started off slow as usual, but it really picked up when I bumped into an old buddy. We started bouncing around town catching up and the social momentum from seeing all these friends from old just really pumped my state up. Amongst that I approached a girl who seemed to be giving me IOI so I pursued and all was going well till her boyfriend appeared. Thankfully he was chill.
> 
> We then started hopping round the bars before we settled on one with decent music and an abundance of girls. Again, a new environment I was a little in my head, but after a couple more shots I was super present. We were having a blast and before I knew it the girls where pulling us over to the dance-floor, but not before I snuck in a "I don't dance for anybody" which of course made them pull me harder. Surrounded I quickly recognised this cute girl who had fully given me the green light whilst I was busy drinking. Fully in the moment and not thinking for a second, I put my hand on her lower back, pulled her body into mine and rolled out Tim's famous "Have you had your first bar kiss tonight?". I was right in her ear at this point (cutting the proximity) and when she replied no I just went for it. Now my friend said this lasted for a while, but to me it felt quick. After that I asked her where she lived (we live in the same area) and then she slipped out her phone and asked me for my number. I didn't have my phone (inadvertent boss) so I borrowed my friends and the number was closed. Still feeling the moment I went for another kiss and in a giggly nature she told me no. Our bodies where still super close, so this time I rolled out a Julien line. "You can either live out your boring little safe life doing the same **** everyday or you can kiss me and take a risk". Again not thinking it just worked and this time I grabbed her *** with no resistance whatsoever just to see where the boundaries where. Last orders had been and gone at that point and despite my friend craving validation we left sharpish and the girl instantly text full of intrigue.
> 
> Champion!
> 
> Now that I'm easing down from the high its still quite hard to fathom what actually happened, but I realised it all arose from me just having fun, acting through my intentions and rapidly moving it forward. It was great that I exploded my comfort zone and that I've got all these very real reference points, but bumping into my old friend was the real winner of the night. We're already planning on doing the same tomorrow. Awesome.
> 
> Those notes are golden, bwidger85. Thank you.


BOOOOOSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't it funny how when you BELIEVE this **** can work it works!?

_Keep amping it up. Keep going for more ridiculous stuff._ Momentum will catch up to you the more you go out and do this stuff and you'll get better and better at what you are doing because you have no fear. _ If you feel fear then THAT'S OK_, but just know that you will get better because you will feel better in the future. Do not become complacent just yet! You're ahead of me at this point. Great ****ing [email protected]

I am meeting up with an RSD alumni this friday. He's been doing this stuff for 8 years so it'll be interesting to see what happens.

I'm super happy for you! 

Btw, I laughed my *** off when you used the julien line word for word! LMAO!! I wonder how congruent it was lol...wth? bring your phone always!


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> I wouldn't know how to show any girl a good time. I should've learned that a long time ago.


You need to become active meeting girls like everyone else. Make it a goal to approach a certain amount of girls. Don't put any outcome on the interactions and actually look forward to bombing it for now.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So you want to die an old man with regret? What do you have to lose really???? I just dont understand you're point of view.
> 
> I mean you literally have nothing to lose, you should be taking ridicolous risks


We all should. That's what life is about. It brings adventure, purpose, drive, pleasure, pain, rewards, helps us learn/grow, and frees us.

It's hard when you haven't done anything in a long time, especially if you haven't done anything EVER. But just to throw it out there: as humans, we all are adaptive and we tend to adapt with whatever environment/stress/challenge/circumstance we put ourselves in. When we don't do anything we might have urges to do things out of survival's sake (eat, sleep, work, etc), but sometimes we have to put that added level of stress/challenge on us when we want something, which is what often brings us the most fulfillment in life (in my opinion).


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Just to prove this is something that takes practice (at least for us SAers): I became extremely confident approaching girls by the end of the summer but since I haven't done a lot of approaching lately, it's become very hard for me again. I get those fears and I wonder if I'll have anything to say. But when I do start up again I know that it will be much, much easier to get back on that horse because it really is like riding a bike. Once you learn you never forget, even though if you haven't done it in a while it can be a little scary to try again.


That's how I feel at the moment. This time when I get back on the "horse" I want to ride that ***** for a long time lol. That's one of my biggest goals for 2013, is to stay consistent. I don't think it'll be long for me now.


----------



## phoenixwright

Been continuing conversation with this new okcupid woman. So far, so good. I'm getting better vibes than the last one (who flaked). We have a common passion and she's intelligent, adventurous and sexy (not someone I'd want to settle down with though. She's the type of girl you want to sleep with and hang out with. Not have as a gf. Is it shallow of me to say that she's sexy enough to have hot sex with (this isnt a case of me chasing after an unattractive woman. i think there would be tension between us in-person unless her pics are too good). but not beautiful enough to have as a gf? I probably sound like such a jerk typing that. She has that cougar older woman vibe about her despite being only 2 years older. That's the thing. Shes a mature 29. Im a youthful 27 and the girl i like is a youthful 32. the 32 year old SA girl isn't some cougar in my mind. She gets placed in the folder of gf material.


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## rymo

I'm not into a lot of these pickup videos because most of the guys annoy me and use too many routines or techniques, but I stumbled upon this video and this guy is really chill, natural, and makes it look like anyone can do it:






Although he's not as outrageous as the SimplePickup guys, I would put him in the same category because his style is, well, simple. Very logical and straightforward. Shows how you can be yourself to succeed at talking to girls.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I'm not into a lot of these pickup videos because most of the guys annoy me and use too many routines or techniques, but I stumbled upon this video and this guy is really chill, natural, and makes it look like anyone can do it:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Although he's not as outrageous as the SimplePickup guys, I would put him in the same category because his style is, well, simple. Very logical and straightforward. Shows how you can be yourself to succeed at talking to girls.


The pick up community has totally changed from where it started. I no longer view it as a bad thing because it's not. I think a lot of the information is good for people. They may say a lot of stuff and make it complicated, but sometimes dating is complicated. Most pick up coaches today do not advocate being fake or manipulation. Some do not care about manipulation though. I stay clear of those guys. For the most part, the best leverage point is being authentic but confident and unapologetic for what you want. All the other stuff is just little things you may be doing that could be messing you up (bad voice tonality, bad body language, smelling like ****, looking like ****, being negative, pessimistic, etc.), and these things should be common sense for most people, but they still teach it. Most of the stuff is just becoming comfortable with the process of meeting girls. If you aren't comfortable meeting girls then you basically aren't going to have a dating life so it's almost a necessity to learn in my opinion.

I think I disliked most of the old pick up stuff because it was fake. I think it's no longer about being fake and it teaches men how to be themselves and believe in themselves.


----------



## stoolie

In a RSD Tyler's video he says that a newbie should just go out and approach for their first year. Is there any information out there how to start doing this? 
Most videos you guys post are already advanced stuff. Anything for absolute beginners?


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> In a RSD Tyler's video he says that a newbie should just go out and approach for their first year. Is there any information out there how to start doing this?
> Most videos you guys post are already advanced stuff. Anything for absolute beginners?


Information is all over youtube. It's really not complicated stuff. The only reason tyler advocates going out for an entire year as a newbie is because most newbies don't want to go out for w/e reason (usually because they don't know how or are terrified), so going out for that long (3-4 times a week at least) will teach you that going out is one of your best leverage points and meeting new people isn't so scary after all. As a newbie you need to experience and go out as much as possible to learn and gain confidence. By going out you'll naturally want to talk to girls after a while and you'll want to do it more and more.

This has been one of my favorite videos from RSD and I think it is relevant to what you should know and be doing:


----------



## phoenixwright

Coffee date with new okcupid woman. Booyah! I'm a sexy ***** and I know it!


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Coffee date with new okcupid woman. Booyah! I'm a sexy ***** and I know it!


hellz yeah son :b


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## dal user

even if i did try and chat up a girl she would probably just screw her face up and go 'ewwwww' and tell me to go away, plus i sound retarded so that isn't gonna go in my favour, me slobbering everywhere.


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## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> hellz yeah son :b


What do I do to build up towards a kiss/making out on a first date? She wouldn't be the type to have sex on the first date (unless she's lying on her OKCupid match answers. lol). But looking at her match answers, she's a very sexual woman and I'd like to bring that side out of her (and also bring that side out of me). If the mutual physical attraction is there in-person too, I want to leave her hot and bothered and want her craving more for the next date.

I was thinking that body language and tone of voice is going to be crucial. There needs to be a flirtatious edge to it. And of course being "present as ****". And then there's the whole physical touch thing that has to be natural and not forced but I don't want to over-step my boundaries. Plus a female friend told me that sitting next to her (some advice I picked up somewhere) at the coffee shop as opposed to sitting across from her at a table will be awkward because we barely know each other and you can't see the other person's face as well.

In the past where I've had success with flirting and escalating, it was a situation where I just knew from the girl's body language or tone that she was into me and wanted me to do something about it. Sometimes they'd be really direct about it and physically escalate themselves or give me that "kiss me you ****ing idiot" look. But it's not always obvious I'd imagine? Especially when I likely have Asperger's. There might have been situations where I didn't recognize signals. But I don't know. Personally I am confident in my ability to read signals. But apparently Aspies *generally* suck at reading signals so I can't say for sure. Maybe I really am good at reading body language.

Part of the equation too is that I need to communicate positive and warm body language too. And that's probably my biggest issue. Not so much recognizing signals. Women find it reassuring when a guy's body language and tone is positive and warm. And they can react similarly and we can then feed off each other. I was't into any of my recent dates (minus the non-date with the SA girl who ended up being a lesbian. And minus the non-date that is going to happen with this new SA girl. I'm pretty sure my body language is going to be positive. Apparently my body language made it very obvious to the people at the support group, including her, that I had a crush on her. Naturally if girls sense you're not into them, they're not going to give you signals and lose interest.


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## bsd3355

You are thinking too much. Just go out and enjoy yourself. If the vibe is right ask her back to your place if she'd like to see a movie. If she says yes then kiss her back at your place. If she says she can't tonight then you can walk her to her car, tell her you had a fun time and kiss her then.

Honestly though, just go out to enjoy the company and if it feels right to ks her then kiss her if it doesn't then don't. You shouldn't even be thinking about your body language and all that stuff on this date. Body language and how you present yourself is more important when you approach a girl. If you go out to have fun and enjoy yourself and the company you are with then everything will correct itself naturally anyway. When you are stuck in your head thinking about all that small **** then you will be weird. Just relax and enjoy the company and have fun. Get out of your head and enjoy and appreciate the moment you are with her. Be yourself.


----------



## hypestyle

... just for the experience I'm really considering hitting up a gentleman's club sometime this month.. no expectations, just there to hang out for a while.. hmm..


----------



## phoenixwright

I just had a latte with the SA girl (not to be confused with OKCupid girl). We talked for almost 2 hours. Like no awkward silences at all. I have only connected so beautifully with a woman like one other time in my entire life (and I loved that other woman). ****ing incredible real social dynamics going on here. Present as ****. Authentic. I felt like I was pouring out the real me there. I felt my personality shine through in a pure form.

I think I might be firmly in the "friend zone" though. She had mentioned that dark haired, dark eyed guys are her type (think Cristiano Ronaldo. Classic Portuguese man. I've got light hair and light eyes. I have a classical Portuguese appearance. But it's more of a classical light-featured Portuguese man type of deal. We exist but we are a minority). Though she also finds guys outside that description attractive (ie. Georges St. Pierre. Georges has light hair and eyes like me though ripped and more muscular. Maybe I'm still in the game! lol) She also asked me about the online dating sites I use since the subject turned to dating somehow (I don't know if she asked me if I was dating or if I volunteered that info) and said that she's going to check out POF and OKCupid to see what it's like. She says that the online dating thing sounds interesting because then she can just browse through profiles and be like "nope, no, nope not that guy (lol)". Made me seriously wonder if she's actually going to be interacting with guys on that site or if she's just curious. The negative self-thoughts tell me that this girl is friend zoning me hard. Especially when she tends to like dark haired, dark eyed guys. But maybe I'm just being negative on myself. She told me right off the bat before we first scheduled the hangout that she is not ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment. So I used that as a sliver of hope that I can just hang out with her as friends for now and then date other girls until she gets comfortable. Or until I woo her into wanting a relationship! lol.

She also said earlier in the date when she grilled me on PUA techniques after I brought up the whole "pick up"/"seduction" thing (to protect herself from some guys. Though she admitted that they have some validity when I explained certain things. Like cocky & funny. And I admitted to her that I'm kinda into that whole cocky & funny thing when she grilled me as to whether I've experimented with PUA techniques but that was just a natural part of my personality. Not something that I had to read a book to be). She grilled me on my past relationships (!!) and said that it's ok for me to admit that I've hooked up with girls casually after I said that I've been in mostly short-term engagements. She doesn't judge. People do that and it's fine. And said that we're just friends so it's ok to talk about it. I actually admitted to her that I was hitting on an older woman at a bar when she asked me if I tried to talk to girls at bars and she was like "how much older? Like my age?" and I was like older. I was anxious about that because I didn't want her to think I was some man-***** who is interested in sleeping around (well I kinda am! lol. That's not all I'm about. I want to get wifed up eventually. But I didn't want her knowing that. Though a part of me kinda pushed myself to admit this because I wanted to playfully entice her with my badboy side. I'm not sure why I just had to say that! lol)

Also around 8:45 she said something about the coffee shop is probably closing around 9 (the place was empty so that might have been the case). So she said that I better finish up on my dessert (I had a lot of it left. Since her and I were chatting so much, I barely had time to eat much. lol). She wasn't saying it in a harsh tone or anything. Then I was finishing up on it. Then I can't remember if I said something or she did (I think she did) and we continued talking even more. But then 10 minutes later she was noticing that we were talking away and said that I need to finish up. Once again, not in a hard tone. But yeah I figured she was being serious this time so I was wolfing it down. The staff weren't rushing to kick us out or anything so I didn't really see the rush honestly. I felt like she was trying to get rid of me near the end.

Then when we went outside, we chatted a bit then she said that she was going to go catch her bus. I offered her a lift. She pointed out that I live in the opposite direction that she does (she needs to go east, I need to go west). I said that it's nothing, I can drop her off no problem. But she insisted on taking the bus (in the January winter cold mind you. Though it's not *that* cold in Toronto right now). I wonder if it was a good time for me to admit that I went 120-130 km/h on the freeway on the way over here when she casually asked me how long it took me to get there (I told her about 25 mins. Though in retrospect, it was actually about 20 since I was speeding). She was shocked that I was speeding that fast. But I said it was no big deal. I regularly go 120 in clear traffic. Sometimes 130. She asked me if the cops ever gave me a speeding ticket. Nope. I guess I wanted to show her that badboy side of me by mentioning the 120-130 on the expressway. Maybe that put her off? Maybe she thinks it's dangerous to get in the car with me? lol. Even though I wouldn't need to go on an expressway to drive her to her house, which is a short ride away from the cafe.

She didn't want to give me her number before the hangout since she said that she's not comfortable giving it out yet. So maybe she's not comfortable letting me know where she lives yet I guess? I was hoping that she'd give me a hug at the end there but nope. lol. (My female friend warned me to not initiate a hug with her. To wait for her to initiate. Since the girl has SA, more severe than myself.)

There were times where I felt anxious (when she put me on the hot seat at times with questions. lol) but I rolled with it in a humorous way. I feel a certain comfort level with her to be able to do that.

If SA girl isn't into me romantically, it wouldn't devastate me. Particularly when she's into dark-haired, dark-eyed guys and I can't help how I look. And I know I'm a sexy ****ing beast and I love my green eyes and my hair. It's kind of like how I'm mostly into brunettes and to a lesser extent redheads and not so much blondes (though I love certain blondes).

But when you connect so beautifully with a woman like I just did, it would be such a ****ing waste if it couldn't go to a higher level than just friends. Having a solid female friend is great. But I want more in my life. I badly want that long-term relationship with a special woman. Someone who I will make a better person and someone who will make me a better person. Make me get rid of all the bitterness I have from all the scars of my past. I had an intuitive sense that I was going to connect magically with this person. And it turned out better than I had thought. But I don't know if we can connect on a more than platonic level and it makes me want to scream "so ****ing close, God damn you!"

And yeah I felt like she was getting rid of me in the end and I took it personally. At the end of the day conversation has to stop eventually and we were talking non-stop for almost 2 hours. We could have been there all night if someone didn't step in I guess.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I just had a latte with the SA girl (not to be confused with OKCupid girl). We talked for almost 2 hours. Like no awkward silences at all. I have only connected so beautifully with a woman like one other time in my entire life (and I loved that other woman). ****ing incredible real social dynamics going on here. Present as ****. Authentic. I felt like I was pouring out the real me there. I felt my personality shine through in a pure form.
> 
> I think I might be firmly in the "friend zone" though. She had mentioned that dark haired, dark eyed guys are her type (think Cristiano Ronaldo. Classic Portuguese man. I've got light hair and light eyes. I have a classical Portuguese appearance. But it's more of a classical light-featured Portuguese man type of deal. We exist but we are a minority). Though she also finds guys outside that description attractive (ie. Georges St. Pierre. Georges has light hair and eyes like me though ripped and more muscular. Maybe I'm still in the game! lol) She also asked me about the online dating sites I use and said that she's going to check out POF and OKCupid to see what it's like. She says that the online dating thing sounds interesting because then she can just browse through profiles and be like "nope, no, nope not that guy (lol)". Made me seriously wonder if she's actually going to be interacting with guys on that site or if she's just curious. The negative self-thoughts tell me that this girl is friend zoning me hard. Especially when she tends to like dark haired, dark eyed guys. But maybe I'm just being negative on myself. She told me right off the bat before we first scheduled the hangout that she is not ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment. So I used that as a sliver of hope that I can just hang out with her as friends for now and then date other girls until she gets comfortable. Or until I woo her into wanting a relationship! lol.
> 
> She also said earlier in the date when she grilled me on PUA techniques after I brought up the whole "pick up"/"seduction" thing (to protect herself from some guys. Though she admitted that they have some validity when I explained certain things. Like cocky & funny. And I admitted to her that I'm kinda into that whole cocky & funny thing when she grilled me as to whether I've experimented with PUA techniques but that was just a natural part of my personality. Not something that I had to read a book to be) after I brought it up (LOL) and on my past relationships (!!) that it's ok for me to admit that I've hooked up with girls casually after I said that I've been in mostly short-term engagements. She doesn't judge. People do that and it's fine. And said that we're just friends so it's ok to talk about it. I actually admitted to her that I was hitting on an older woman at a bar and she was like "how much older? Like my age?" and I was like older. I was anxious about that because I didn't want her to think I was some man-***** who is interested in sleeping around (well I kinda am! lol. But I didn't want her knowing that. Though a part of me kinda pushed myself to admit this because I wanted to playfully entice her with my badboy side. I'm not sure why I just had to say that! lol)
> 
> Also around 8:45 she said something about the coffee shop is probably closing around 9 (the place was empty so that might have been the case). So she said that I better finish up on my dessert (I had a lot of it left. Since her and I were chatting so much, I barely had time to eat much. lol). She wasn't saying it in a harsh tone or anything. Then I was finishing up on it. Then I can't remember if I said something or she did (I think she did) and we continued talking even more. But then 10 minutes later she was noticing that we were talking away and said that I need to finish up. Once again, not in a hard tone. But yeah I figured she was being serious this time so I was wolfing it down. The staff weren't rushing to kick us out or anything so I didn't really see the rush honestly. I felt like she was trying to get rid of me near the end.
> 
> Then when we went outside, we chatted a bit then she said that she was going to go catch her bus. I offered her a lift. She pointed out that I live in the opposite direction that she does (she needs to go east, I need to go west). I said that it's nothing, I can drop her off no problem. But she insisted on taking the bus (in the January winter cold mind you. Though it's not *that* cold in Toronto right now). She didn't want to give me her number before the hangout since she said that she's not comfortable giving it out yet. So maybe she's not comfortable letting me know where she lives yet I guess? I was hoping that she'd give me a hug at the end there but nope. lol. (My female friend warned me to not initiate a hug with her. To wait for her to initiate. Since the girl has SA, more severe than myself.)
> 
> There were times where I felt anxious (when she put me on the hot seat at times with questions. lol) but I rolled with it in a humorous way. I feel a certain comfort level with her to be able to do that.
> 
> If SA girl isn't into me romantically, it wouldn't devastate me. Particularly when she's into dark-haired, dark-eyed guys and I can't help how I look. And I know I'm a sexy ****ing beast and I love my green eyes and my hair. It's kind of like how I'm mostly into brunettes and to a lesser extent redheads and not so much blondes (though I love certain blondes).
> 
> But when you connect so beautifully with a woman like I just did, it would be such a ****ing waste if it couldn't go to a higher level than just friends. Having a solid female friend is great. But I want more in my life. I badly want that long-term relationship with a special woman. Someone who I will make a better person and someone who will make me a better person. Make me get rid of all the bitterness I have from all the scars of my past. I had an intuitive sense that I was going to connect magically with this person. And it turned out better than I had thought. But I don't know if we can connect on a more than platonic level and it makes me want to scream "so ****ing close, God damn you!"
> 
> And yeah I felt like she was getting rid of me in the end and I took it personally. At the end of the day conversation has to stop eventually and we were talking non-stop for almost 2 hours. We could have been there all night if someone didn't step in I guess.


i dont know man, did she show any signs of interest? Usually when women are physically attracted, even if the say they arent interested they will begin to show signs of interest.

Like maybe she touched you, even in a friendly way? Touch is probably the biggest one. Anywhere even on the shoulder means something.

Well good luck to you, :yes


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> i dont know man, did she show any signs of interest? Usually when women are physically attracted, even if the say they arent interested they will begin to show signs of interest.
> 
> Like maybe she touched you, even in a friendly way? Touch is probably the biggest one. Anywhere even on the shoulder means something.
> 
> Well good luck to you, :yes


No she did not touch me nor did I attempt to touch her (though I think I was lingering a bit long outside there hoping for a hug. lol). I sat face-to-face with her as well. Because my female friend warned me that sitting directly next to a SA girl (at least her in her stage of the condition) would make her feel uncomfortable. At least in this early stage. She says it's not a good deal for first dates in general. Let alone hanging out with a SA girl who doesn't want a relationship (though her wanting to see what POF and OKCupid was about makes me ponder about that.)

For someone with her level of SA though, she could really keep up with me in conversation though. She talked a ****load. Asked me loads of questions. She said that she admired how I overcame social anxiety to the degree that I did. Working full-time, getting a car, going out socially every week, dating girls, etc. I mentioned the high-functioning autism/Asperger's diagnosis thing in my early life (a second doctor felt I didn't have it) and she says that she doesn't see it in me at all (I'm questioning that too after this experience).

Plus when she was grilling me on PUA techniques I was like "haha I don't want to give out the secrets to the enemy" and she was like "come on, we're friends". And I was wondering "are you seriously friend-zoning me here?" But I was like chill as **** about it.

I've chatted up other girls with SA before. And it's not like I'm this chill and comfortable with all girls with SA. Nowhere close. I forged a solid, legitimate social link there. Though I felt hurt when she was setting boundaries with me (cutting it off just before the 2 hour mark. That is a very long time for coffee though. This was longer than my recent dates by far. If a male friend of mine cut it after close to 2 hours, I wouldn't have felt offended. But since this is a girl that I think is cute, it's a different story. And then the not letting me drive her home when her house is a short drive away and it's cold outside, not offering me a hug when we parted. Though if I gave her one, maybe she would have accepted it). I guess she's really cautious given her condition and it's not something I should take personally. I figured that by talking about other dates, she'd get the idea that I'm not just hopelessly pining and obsessing over her and that I'm not some creeper/stalker [though she's the only girl thus far recently that I've wanted a relationship with. The other girls I just want to have sex and hang out with. Shhh. If I meet another girl that gives me a strong intuitive feeling, I would be open to a relationship with other girls. It's just that I rarely have this kind of interest in a girl] And I was hoping I'd make her a little jealous (there I said it!) lol. I'm playful like that. Maybe she was trying to get me a little jealous too in a playful way (the dark-haired, dark-eyed guy thing and mentioning how she'd want to see what POF/OKCupid is like). If so, that's ****ing awesome.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> No she did not touch me nor did I attempt to touch her (though I think I was lingering a bit long outside there hoping for a hug. lol). I sat face-to-face with her as well. Because my female friend warned me that sitting directly next to a SA girl (at least her in her stage of the condition) would make her feel uncomfortable. At least in this early stage. She says it's not a good deal for first dates in general. Let alone hanging out with a SA girl who doesn't want a relationship (though her wanting to see what POF and OKCupid was about makes me ponder about that.)
> 
> For someone with her level of SA though, she could really keep up with me in conversation though. She talked a ****load. Asked me loads of questions. She said that she admired how I overcame social anxiety to the degree that I did. Working full-time, getting a car, going out socially every week, dating girls, etc. I mentioned the high-functioning autism/Asperger's diagnosis thing in my early life (a second doctor felt I didn't have it) and she says that she doesn't see it in me at all (I'm questioning that too after this experience).
> 
> Plus when she was grilling me on PUA techniques I was like "haha I don't want to give out the secrets to the enemy" and she was like "come on, we're friends". And I was wondering "are you seriously friend-zoning me here?" But I was like chill as **** about it.
> 
> I've chatted up other girls with SA before. And it's not like I'm this chill and comfortable with all girls with SA. Nowhere close. I forged a solid, legitimate social link there. Though I felt hurt when she was setting boundaries with me (cutting it off just before the 2 hour mark. That is a very long time for coffee though. This was longer than my recent dates by far. If a male friend of mine cut it after close to 2 hours, I wouldn't have felt offended. But since this is a girl that I think is cute, it's a different story. And then the not letting me drive her home when her house is a short drive away and it's cold outside, not offering me a hug when we parted. Though if I gave her one, maybe she would have accepted it). I guess she's really cautious given her condition and it's not something I should take personally. I figured that by talking about other dates, she'd get the idea that I'm not just hopelessly pining and obsessing over her and that I'm not some creeper/stalker [though she's the only girl thus far recently that I've wanted a relationship with. The other girls I just want to have sex and hang out with. Shhh. If I meet another girl that gives me a strong intuitive feeling, I would be open to a relationship with other girls. It's just that I rarely have this kind of interest in a girl] And I was hoping I'd make her a little jealous (there I said it!) lol. I'm playful like that. Maybe she was trying to get me a little jealous too in a playful way (the dark-haired, dark-eyed guy thing and mentioning how she'd want to see what POF/OKCupid is like). If so, that's ****ing awesome.


Why didn't you try to physically escalate?


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Why didn't you try to physically escalate?


SA girl. Her social anxiety is a good bit worse than mine (though she really came out of her shell in a big way talking with me 1 on 1). The girl even told me that she admired how I conquered social anxiety to the level that I did. Plus when she made me spill the beans about PUA (LOL!), I told her about kino. lol. I could have easily been all like "see I'm practicing kino right now. Soon you will not be able to resist me!" At a later date maybe I'll try that. lol. Kino and Cocky & Funny in one blow. She did admit that the Cocky & Funny has some merit because she says that girls love funny guys (and that is totally my style. I don't think every guy should do the cocky & funny thing. I'm a naturally funny guy. I routinely make friends burst out in laughter. And I've never actually read David DeAngelo's book. I come up with my own material. I get the general idea behind Cocky & Funny and that's all that really matters.)

I didn't mean to spill the secrets of the trade to the enemy but I just casually mentioned the seduction community and she was intrigued to hear more.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> SA girl. Her social anxiety is worse than mine (though she really came out of her shell in a big way talking with me 1 on 1). Plus when she made me spill the beans about PUA (LOL!), I told her about kino. lol. I could have easily been all like "see I'm practicing kino right now. Soon you will not be able to resist me!" At a later date maybe I'll try that. lol.


Shoulda haha. I see no reason to delay it if you're going to do it anyway. But no big deal either way.


----------



## rymo

I'm in love with this guy, he's so natural and laid-back:


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## bsd3355

went out last night and got 4 numbers. it was pretty easy and no approach anxiety. unfortunately, i think they are all gonna flake on me, which is weird because they seemed into me. one of the girls kept re-approaching me and flirting with me; gave me a kiss on the cheek, i smacked her ***. one gave me a landphone number lol, but at least she wasn't lying she was from west virgina because it was a number from west virginia (she was pretty hot imo). i know i didn't do anything wrong. i guess these flakes are just flukes?

in any case, if i'm going to get flaked from getting numbers while going out then i'll need to get numbers consistently


----------



## bsd3355

pheonixwright, if you are in the friendzone with this girl then don't fret. it happens. just go meet other girls. try to contact her again to hangout another time (if you want) and do something more intimate next time (movie at your place, bars, etc); somewhere you can make a move. coffee dates don't really set that tone somtimes.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo, if you like that guy then you'll also like james marshal


----------



## Fenren

I'm going to make a new PlentyOfFish profile! I didn't get much interest before, except from some 42 year old woman in Wales with 4 kids. She just wanted a friend to chat to anyway and was really nice.
Wish me luck:yay


----------



## nemesis1

I went on a date with a girl from POF last night that went really well. We had a few drinks in a quiet bar and we talked the whole time. Then when I dropped her off at home, she invited me in for a coffee. Nothing sexual happened, we just talked some more for an hour or so. Just before I left I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said yes, definitely. And she text me this morning to confirm.

The only problem is that she is VERY confident, which bothers me slightly. Although I cannot recall the last time one of my dates went this well, so I'm not gonna let that put me off.


----------



## Fenren

nemesis1 said:


> I went on a date with a girl from POF last night that went really well. We had a few drinks in a quiet bar and we talked the whole time. Then when I dropped her off at home, she invited me in for a coffee. Nothing sexual happened, we just talked some more for an hour or so. Just before I left I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said yes, definitely. And she text me this morning to confirm.
> 
> The only problem is that she is VERY confident, which bothers me slightly. Although I cannot recall the last time one of my dates went this well, so I'm not gonna let that put me off.


Awesome, you can be more confident to I bet if you try harder and you'll feel more at ease with her on the next date also. Good luck.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> pheonixwright, if you are in the friendzone with this girl then don't fret. it happens. just go meet other girls. try to contact her again to hangout another time (if you want) and do something more intimate next time (movie at your place, bars, etc); somewhere you can make a move. coffee dates don't really set that tone somtimes.


She wouldn't accept a ride home from me when the cafe is a few minutes of a drive from her place [my female friend said that she probably didn't want to be a "bother"]. I very much doubt she'd allow me to pick her up, drive ~25 mins to my place and watch movies/TV/Netflix with me there. A bar near her area is a nice idea for meeting 1 on 1 next though if she's comfortable with the bar idea.

This girl has more advanced SA issues than I do. She's only recently started challenging her hermit lifestyle, forcing herself to go out. She takes courses in community college part-time only. Doesn't work. She says that she admires how I got my four-year degree despite my SA and how I got a full-time job, a car, an active social life, getting out there with dating, etc. So yeah I'm afraid of spooking her. Though like I said, I can always flip the "kino" thing in a light-hearted way. lol.

That said, she talked with me for almost 2 hours. When I first saw her at group, she would go straight home after meetings and talk to no one. And shy away from people. It seems like I've drawn her out of her shell and she's developed a certain comfort level with me. I don't want to make her not feel comfortable anymore by pushing the issue. Plus I'm in no rush to make things happen with her. She knows I like her for sure (otherwise she wouldn't have been upfront in the beginning about how she's not ready for a relationship). The whole me talking about the dating stuff was basically me signalling to her that I'm not just going to be waiting around pining over her. I don't want her to get this sense that I'm desperate or clingy or any of that. And I'm not. That said, I can't ignore what just happened yesterday. That level of connection that I made with her. And it's not like I'm head over heels for her or anything. It was a very sobering connection.

I have to admit that she's not quite my type physically as well. She's a girl-next-door type but not quite the one that just simply drives me crazy. I also like girl-next-door types with an "alt" edge (piercings, tatts, etc.) But I like the traditional girl-next-door type as well. I think I like them more bubbly (hilarious coming from a guy with SA but yeah that's my type) and _sensual_ I guess though. I know for sure this girl isn't a virgin (she was in a 4 year relationship). But she's not sensual enough I guess. If that makes sense. Like I look at her and see her as a girlfriend-y type but I don't look at her and think "oh yea I wanna **** her" necessarily. She's beautiful but there's a missing X-Factor there. The only other girl I connected with on that level, there was a strong sexual attraction there.


----------



## nemesis1

Fenren said:


> Awesome, you can be more confident to I bet if you try harder and you'll feel more at ease with her on the next date also. Good luck.


Thanks mate. And good luck with your pof endeavours too . That site can be really hard work for guys but you just have to persevere and you will eventually get somewhere with it.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> She wouldn't accept a ride home from me when the cafe is a few minutes of a drive from her place [my female friend said that she probably didn't want to be a "bother"]. I very much doubt she'd allow me to pick her up, drive ~25 mins to my place and watch movies/TV/Netflix with me there. A bar near her area is a nice idea for meeting 1 on 1 next though if she's comfortable with the bar idea.
> 
> This girl has more advanced SA issues than I do. She's only recently started challenging her hermit lifestyle, forcing herself to go out. She takes courses in community college part-time only. Doesn't work. She says that she admires how I got my four-year degree despite my SA and how I got a full-time job, a car, an active social life, getting out there with dating, etc. So yeah I'm afraid of spooking her. Though like I said, I can always flip the "kino" thing in a light-hearted way. lol.
> 
> That said, she talked with me for almost 2 hours. When I first saw her at group, she would go straight home after meetings and talk to no one. And shy away from people. It seems like I've drawn her out of her shell and she's developed a certain comfort level with me. I don't want to make her not feel comfortable anymore by pushing the issue. Plus I'm in no rush to make things happen with her. She knows I like her for sure (otherwise she wouldn't have been upfront in the beginning about how she's not ready for a relationship). The whole me talking about the dating stuff was basically me signalling to her that I'm not just going to be waiting around pining over her. I don't want her to get this sense that I'm desperate or clingy or any of that. And I'm not. That said, I can't ignore what just happened yesterday. That level of connection that I made with her. And it's not like I'm head over heels for her or anything. It was a very sobering connection.
> 
> I have to admit that she's not quite my type physically as well. She's a girl-next-door type but not quite the one that just simply drives me crazy. I also like girl-next-door types with an "alt" edge (piercings, tatts, etc.) But I like the traditional girl-next-door type as well. I think I like them more bubbly (hilarious coming from a guy with SA but yeah that's my type) and _sensual_ I guess though. I know for sure this girl isn't a virgin (she was in a 4 year relationship). But she's not sensual enough I guess. If that makes sense. Like I look at her and see her as a girlfriend-y type but I don't look at her and think "oh yea I wanna **** her" necessarily. She's beautiful but there's a missing X-Factor there. The only other girl I connected with on that level, there was a strong sexual attraction there.


Why not start approaching the girls you want in real life?


----------



## bsd3355

nemesis1 said:


> I went on a date with a girl from POF last night that went really well. We had a few drinks in a quiet bar and we talked the whole time. Then when I dropped her off at home, she invited me in for a coffee. Nothing sexual happened, we just talked some more for an hour or so. Just before I left I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said yes, definitely. And she text me this morning to confirm.
> 
> The only problem is that she is VERY confident, which bothers me slightly. Although I cannot recall the last time one of my dates went this well, so I'm not gonna let that put me off.


Good stuff!


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Why not start approaching the girls you want in real life?


The SA girl is beautiful. But yea there is a missing element about her I find. I dont see the sensual element there. After talking with her 1 on 1 for a long time, this was more apparent and im not as crazy about her as before. though i did connect with her on a deep level i didnt even anticipate so quickly. but in a platonic way. Maybe my standards are too high. I picked out a cute brunette on okcupid and I asked my female friend for an honest opinion. She said my chances are zilch. That she gets the sense the girl only goes for magic mike type guys and I'm not at her level.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> The SA girl is beautiful. But yea there is a missing element about her I find. I dont see the sensual element there. After talking with her 1 on 1 for a long time, this was more apparent and im not as crazy about her as before. though i did connect with her on a deep level i didnt even anticipate so quickly. but in a platonic way. Maybe my standards are too high. I picked out a cute brunette on okcupid and I asked my female friend for an honest opinion. She said my chances are zilch. That she gets the sense the girl only goes for magic mike type guys and I'm not at her level.


You didn't answer the question lol.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Feeling terrible ahead of the weekend. Lots of fluids and an early night is on the cards.

On a side-note I've got no idea what to do when it comes to texting these girls. The instant makeout only happened because I wasn't thinking, whereas now I'm in a logical headspace and questioning every word. :x

Tim's idea:


You're my new text message girlfriend for the next 5 minutes. 
Awww, now we're broken up. It's not you it's me. Was fun though. 
Awww, now I kind of miss you, silly me. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you back.

That just looks super inferior to me, but I can also see how girls can perceive it as lighthearted and playful. TW&A aligned I just want to eclipse their realities, **** Julien.


----------



## gunner21

What suggestions do you have for someone with mild BDD?


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> The SA girl is beautiful. But yea there is a missing element about her I find. I dont see the sensual element there. After talking with her 1 on 1 for a long time, this was more apparent and im not as crazy about her as before. though i did connect with her on a deep level i didnt even anticipate so quickly. but in a platonic way. Maybe my standards are too high. I picked out a cute brunette on okcupid and I asked my female friend for an honest opinion. She said my chances are zilch. That she gets the sense the girl only goes for magic mike type guys and I'm not at her level.


You can find someone you are attracted to You just need to put in more work. I would try approaching girls in real life as well.

Btw, that girl I smacked her *** last night texted me back just now. She really isn't my type per say but it's w/e. One of the other girls was definitely not my type but I got her number because she was with the one I liked and I was talking to both of them so I took both numbers. Nearly all the girls I met last night lived at least 40mins away. I don't know why they'd drive so far to this place. It's packed and in the middle of nowhere...but i'll take it...it's pretty close to my house!


----------



## bsd3355

gunner21 said:


> What suggestions do you have for someone with mild BDD?


Do what you are supposed to do and go meet women like the rest of us.

Your question is a little vague.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Feeling terrible ahead of the weekend. Lots of fluids and an early night is on the cards.
> 
> On a side-note I've got no idea what to do when it comes to texting these girls. The instant makeout only happened because I wasn't thinking, whereas now I'm in a logical headspace and questioning every word. :x
> 
> Tim's idea:
> 
> 
> You're my new text message girlfriend for the next 5 minutes.
> Awww, now we're broken up. It's not you it's me. Was fun though.
> Awww, now I kind of miss you, silly me. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you back.
> 
> That just looks super inferior to me, but I can also see how girls can perceive it as lighthearted and playful. TW&A aligned I just want to eclipse their realities, **** Julien.


Yeh those examples are cheesy as hell, very PUA-esque, but at the same time you should be playful and flirty when texting. Early on the main goal of texting is just to set up another date, but it helps to come off as a fun guy during that process. The best advice I can give is to focus on saying things that _you_ think are funny while trying to include her as much as possible. For example, if when you guys first talked she mentioned that she has a cat, text her that her cat escaped but she shouldn't worry because you found it, and send her:










Completely random, completely silly, but it gets the conversation moving in a fun direction. It's *engaging*. Those lines above are so non-specific; they could be used on anyone and they REEK of being completely canned. The fact is you don't have to be so super slick about all this, you just have to be engaging, and have some confidence in what you say.

By confidence I just mean that if she says something to challenge you, don't instantly crumble. Stand by what you say. For example, you send the cat picture and she says something like, "Ugh..I'm so sick of that grumpy cat meme...it's all over the internet!" A guy with little confidence will immediately respond, "Oh sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way about it. My bad." A guy with confidence will respond, "Grumpy cat approves of your grumpy attitude. And that's why it's never going away...ever! You're just giving it what it wants!"


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Feeling terrible ahead of the weekend. Lots of fluids and an early night is on the cards.
> 
> On a side-note I've got no idea what to do when it comes to texting these girls. The instant makeout only happened because I wasn't thinking, whereas now I'm in a logical headspace and questioning every word. :x
> 
> Tim's idea:
> 
> 
> You're my new text message girlfriend for the next 5 minutes.
> Awww, now we're broken up. It's not you it's me. Was fun though.
> Awww, now I kind of miss you, silly me. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you back.
> 
> That just looks super inferior to me, but I can also see how girls can perceive it as lighthearted and playful. TW&A aligned I just want to eclipse their realities, **** Julien.


There are no texting rules.

Text what you want and when you want. If the girl likes you she will comply. That's it.

What I do is I asked the girl for her number and then text her either that same night or the next day. You can say anything. There is no need to be fancy or say anything special. Just be yourself and talk about what you want. Try to get her on another date within the week though.

Don't use PUA lines through texts! Be yourself! The best leverage point is being a confident and congruent you! You do not want to be someone else

Don't worry about this stuff right now. Just go out and talk to girls and try to get numbers or something. When you get numbers then you can focus on texting (just saying what you want). One step at a time.


----------



## gunner21

bwidger85 said:


> Do what you are supposed to do and go meet women like the rest of us.
> 
> Your question is a little vague.


Well....I meant someone with BDD like me will always be thinking that I'm not good enough. (especially in the looks department)


----------



## bsd3355

gunner21 said:


> Well....I meant someone with BDD like me will always be thinking that I'm not good enough. (especially in the looks department)


Most people think like this at some point in their lives. You need to prove to yourself otherwise. You probably won't like what I have to say about this "BDD" thing. I also don't have it so I'm not the one to be asking.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> You didn't answer the question lol.


I've done in-person approaches. But "warm approaches" in meetup groups (ie. like the SA girls in my support group. lol). My social circle doesn't afford me much opportunity for warm approaches unfortunately.

Cold approaches can work. But most girls are too busy to want to be bothered. And many girls now are aware of "day game" and the whole PUA/seduction community (SA girl even asked for me to basically give her the PUA/seduction playbook so that she can better fend off these guys who creep on her). I'm pretty sure girls are wising up to the pick up lines that these PUA gurus feed guys. I don't want to be associated with that community. PUA preys on mens' insecurities. I find that most (but not all) PUA material out there makes me feel worse, not better. It teaches you that you have to be a certain way to attract women. When there are plenty of everyday guys, many of whom are not good looking, who get into relationships and they're not like that.

I don't feel so bad about not having a girlfriend when I see that plenty of guys who are far less attractive than me actually have girlfriends (though I want a girlfriend for more personal reasons than to just satisfy ego). And society blows the whole hookup scene into great proportions. Very few guys actually have much success with casual sex romps. Even though you, bwidger, jay and pete have SA, you guys are doing better than at least 80% of guys out there. And I'm being conservative with that estimate. Probably closer to 90% or higher. It's basically a numbers game. It's possible that I would be getting more ***** than most guys (I already do but that's escorts. lol) if I put in more effort. lol. My social skills can't be too, too bad if I am able to have nearly 2 hour coffee conversations with cute girls (not quite my type I don't think but she is pretty. Even if she has SA that still counts for something. I am quiet with most SA girls anyway).

I have a date tonight with the woman from OKCupid. I'm hoping that the positive momentum gained from the coffee chat with the SA girl will carry into this.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I've done in-person approaches. But "warm approaches" in meetup groups (ie. like the SA girls in my support group. lol). My social circle doesn't afford me much opportunity for warm approaches unfortunately.
> 
> Cold approaches can work. But most girls are too busy to want to be bothered. And many girls now are aware of "day game" and the whole PUA/seduction community (SA girl even asked for me to basically give her the PUA/seduction playbook so that she can better fend off these guys who creep on her). I'm pretty sure girls are wising up to the pick up lines that these PUA gurus feed guys. I don't want to be associated with that community. PUA preys on mens' insecurities. I find that most (but not all) PUA material out there makes me feel worse, not better. It teaches you that you have to be a certain way to attract women. When there are plenty of everyday guys, many of whom are not good looking, who get into relationships and they're not like that.
> 
> I don't feel so bad about not having a girlfriend when I see that plenty of guys who are far less attractive than me actually have girlfriends (though I want a girlfriend for more personal reasons than to just satisfy ego). And society blows the whole hookup scene into great proportions. Very few guys actually have much success with casual sex romps. Even though you, bwidger, jay and pete have SA, you guys are doing better than at least 80% of guys out there. And I'm being conservative with that estimate. Probably closer to 90% or higher. It's basically a numbers game. It's possible that I would be getting more ***** than most guys (I already do but that's escorts. lol) if I put in more effort. lol. My social skills can't be too, too bad if I am able to have nearly 2 hour coffee conversations with cute girls (not quite my type I don't think but she is pretty. Even if she has SA that still counts for something. I am quiet with most SA girls anyway).
> 
> I have a date tonight with the woman from OKCupid. I'm hoping that the positive momentum gained from the coffee chat with the SA girl will carry into this.


Hey man, sounds like you have a great attitude. The only fallacy I think you're buying into though is that cold approaching women is directly related to the art of pickup and techniques and routines. To me approaching a woman can be as natural as anything, and if you treat it as such, no woman will think you're some pickup artist sleaze bag. If you be yourself, then approaching a woman doesn't put you in some community of PUAs. It puts you in the community of being a confident guy.


----------



## bsd3355

The more guys who don't approach means the more women for me so GL with that one bro

Internet dating is a new phenomenon. Before that, men and women approached each other since the dawn of time. People are getting warped thinking this is weird


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Hey man, sounds like you have a great attitude. The only fallacy I think you're buying into though is that cold approaching women is directly related to the art of pickup and techniques and routines. To me approaching a woman can be as natural as anything, and if you treat it as such, no woman will think you're some pickup artist sleaze bag. If you be yourself, then approaching a woman doesn't put you in some community of PUAs. It puts you in the community of being a confident guy.


+1


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I've done in-person approaches. But "warm approaches" in meetup groups (ie. like the SA girls in my support group. lol). My social circle doesn't afford me much opportunity for warm approaches unfortunately.
> 
> Cold approaches can work. But most girls are too busy to want to be bothered. And many girls now are aware of "day game" and the whole PUA/seduction community (SA girl even asked for me to basically give her the PUA/seduction playbook so that she can better fend off these guys who creep on her). I'm pretty sure girls are wising up to the pick up lines that these PUA gurus feed guys. I don't want to be associated with that community. PUA preys on mens' insecurities. I find that most (but not all) PUA material out there makes me feel worse, not better. It teaches you that you have to be a certain way to attract women. When there are plenty of everyday guys, many of whom are not good looking, who get into relationships and they're not like that.
> 
> I don't feel so bad about not having a girlfriend when I see that plenty of guys who are far less attractive than me actually have girlfriends (though I want a girlfriend for more personal reasons than to just satisfy ego). And society blows the whole hookup scene into great proportions. Very few guys actually have much success with casual sex romps. Even though you, bwidger, jay and pete have SA, you guys are doing better than at least 80% of guys out there. And I'm being conservative with that estimate. Probably closer to 90% or higher. It's basically a numbers game. It's possible that I would be getting more ***** than most guys (I already do but that's escorts. lol) if I put in more effort. lol. My social skills can't be too, too bad if I am able to have nearly 2 hour coffee conversations with cute girls (not quite my type I don't think but she is pretty. Even if she has SA that still counts for something. I am quiet with most SA girls anyway).
> 
> I have a date tonight with the woman from OKCupid. I'm hoping that the positive momentum gained from the coffee chat with the SA girl will carry into this.


I have to call you out on this..

It gets to a point where the evidence is in front of you; the chance to prove to yourself it's there, but instead you fall to the side thinking you are somehow ****ed. Forget the word "PUA", this isn't about that. This is more about a man being confident approaching women he likes to date. You keep talking about pickup lines like it's something we solemnly swear by. It's unfortunate that men are being taught for free how to become better at meeting women by becoming more confident and they just throw it to the wayside because some Mystery magic trick routine or some BS. It's like some people can't discern (or don't want to) the difference between a douchebag-fake-loser and someone who actually gives good advice, then they are essentially taking valuable information, guidance and potential growth and instead choosing to live in their worlds of approach anxiety and thought patterns of "girls don't want to be approached"..."i'm not good enough"...and the excuses just get deeper and deeper and before you know it they give up without even approaching 10 women IN THEIR WHOLE LIVES. I don't know how guys can do that to themselves.

Granted, it takes courage, persistence and a discipline of focusing on the positive, but ironically you say 90% of guys aren't doing it, AND THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE! Isn't that sad? It's not about being the best 10%; it's about being the 10% who make it happen. It is a number's game, but there are SOOOO much women out there who you find attractive that want to date you! It's about realizing that and going through the motions to find them. Most people haven't trained themselves to do that. They instead think approaching many women is somehow wrong...WTF? Really!?

It blows my mind. You'd be amazed how many women you can date, have sex with or be in w/e type of relationship you want if you approach and do it consistently. It's honestly that simple. Yes, it's that simple. I'm just getting back into it, but this year is going to be amazing. I'm going to date so many girls, 6 months from now you guys will be wondering how I did it. I'll be that guy going out at least 4 times a week approaching lots of girls. Most guys do not put the needed effort to make it happen. Guys who gets lots of dates have found a system that works for them, and that system is usually being consistent, confident, and playing a high number's game. Easier said than done, which is why there are so much resources out there. The reason it is difficult for most is because it takes lots of momentum, focus, drive, getting over AA, learning indifference, etc., and that's all just to approach girls!! But once you start doing it and do it consistently it becomes habitual and normal and what you say was hard before becomes easier and easier and easier because that social conditioning and that fear of caring what people think; of being hurt by rejections, etc., it all changes and then you are in the perfect position be dating many girls because that crap won't matter anymore and you'll make it happen.

What is 1, 2 night of complete blowouts? Or a week of AA? What is one week without getting any dates? What is a few months of being stuck in a rut and then blasting out of it and becoming a better person? It's NOTHING. Those 2 days of blowouts becomes 1 or 2 days out of the week of meeting great women who want to date; that week of AA becomes a couple months of no approach anxiety; the week without any dates becomes 2 months of having dating multiple girls or getting into a relationship, etc. That's what approaching girls and playing consistency and a high numbers game will get you.


----------



## ybnormyl

God, this thread is just full of awesomeness. Still catching up with everything after being gone for over a week.

My plan to approach as many women as possible during my trip turned out be a total failure. I had 6 opportunities to approach some attractive women that were by themselves but because there were a bunch of people around I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

On the bright side, for the first time in my life, I told a girl that she was cute. Yes she was our waitress and yes I had a lot of alcohol first but it still felt pretty good saying that to her. 

This whole trip has been an eye opener for me. I always knew that I was no good with women but now its like *damn* I am sooooo far behind. This is going to take a lot of work. 

Keep posting guys, this information is gold.


----------



## bsd3355

*edit
had to remove the last video...too much "technique" stuff for you guys lol


----------



## gunner21

bwidger85 said:


> Most people think like this at some point in their lives. You need to prove to yourself otherwise. You probably won't like what I have to say about this "BDD" thing. I also don't have it so I'm not the one to be asking.


Dude, you can say what you have to say. If you're worried about me getting offended, I don't get offended very easily.

Who knows, it might turn out be good advice.


----------



## dal user

I'm 21 and never been in a relationship, does this mean I'll bd a loner for the rest of my life?

The thought of it makes me so depressed


----------



## bsd3355

gunner21 said:


> Dude, you can say what you have to say. If you're worried about me getting offended, I don't get offended very easily.
> 
> Who knows, it might turn out be good advice.


Idk, I never had it to the extend supposed "BDD" people have it, but I've been through some serious negative thoughts about my looks before. I can't really answer your question because I don't know the extent of BDD. But in any case, I'd say try to take the best care of your body and how you appear and there is not much else you can do. If you do that then you'll definitely be attractive to some women you also find attractive, but you also need to approach in some way or somehow.


----------



## bsd3355

Rich91 said:


> I'm 21 and never been in a relationship, does this mean I'll bd a loner for the rest of my life?
> 
> The thought of it makes me so depressed


Lol no. I didn't get a girlfriend I liked till I was 26. Before that I never had a relationship past a few months. It's all in your head.


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## Sourdog

Damn, I gotta get out of the christmas break lazy vibe and get back in the game!
Where dem *****es that need approachin?


----------



## phoenixwright

The OKCupid girl, she is definitely more attractive than her pics. Our coffee date was almost 3 hours long. I paid the tab. I actually teased her by allowing her to take out her wallet from her purse and then I said "I got it". She seemed like she might ahve been annoyed. Or just confused. I asked her afterwards if she was upset that I let her take her wallet out when I intended to pay. I said I was just teasing her. She denied being upset about it. Outside, she said that we should look into our schedules and schedule another date. I went to hug her. Then I kissed her on the lips. She talked some more. Then right before she leaved, I went to kiss her on the lips again. And I walked away with an automatic grin on my face.

My female friend thinks this is ****ing awesome. Though I bet rymo, bwidger and Zeeshan are probably thinking, "what the ****? Why didn't you french kiss? Just a kiss on the lips?" lol.

I had wondered if I should french (at least light french kissing without the tongue). But I was kinda anxious about doing that outside the coffee shop in public like that. And I didn't know if the time was right for that. The kiss on the lips seemed like the safer bet. I formed a physical bond with her and made my intentions clear and that's a start.

Why did I kiss this girl and not the blonde OKCupid girl? It just ****ing felt right. This one is more my type and my body responds to her in a certain way that it didn't with the blonde. There was a point in that date seated with her that I just knew that I was going to go kiss her afterwards. And it didn't feel forced when I went for it.

I don't know how I feel about SA girl now. She's a prettier girl. But my body doesn't physically crave her. There's no urgency there. Maybe it would be there if her body language was warmer and playing off my body language. With this other girl, I feel like there is some primal **** going on in the background. "Chemistry".

I think I'm way better at this body language and reading signals stuff than I typically give myself credit for.

The OKCupid girl isn't exactly ideal physically. She has noticeable physical flaws (she's also chubby. I feel like such an ******* going on rants about overweight women being spoiled by sleeping with Magic Mikes. As if The Ghost of Christmas Present is telling me, "this nice girl most likely likes you and yet if she read your SAS posts, she'd think you were a real ******* and you deserve it. You have to change". But the attraction is there regardless. Kissing her feels right. And my conscience tells me not to use this person because she's a nice girl and the reason why women were nasty to me in the past is because some *******s turned a nice girl into a *****. And yeah I think this person may be good for me. She's got a good heart. Before the date I was thinking that this girl should know her place (because I saw her as good enough for sex but not for a relationship) and put out for me. But now I feel like the relationship thing is on the table for consideration. I have said before that the nice guy within me is still there. There is just a lot of jadedness in my heart. I yo-yo internally a lot. I think we all have that shadow self that is pretty ugly. The difference is that I openly reveal the shadow self on here and not just pretend like I'm a nice person 100% of the time. I think a combination of nasty past experiences with women, reading PUA material (some of it is insightful and inspiring, most of it is bad and feeds male insecurities and makes women look bad), watching porn over the years and listening to Tom Leykis has ****ed me up (I think he's disgusting. But some of my rants wouldn't seem out of place on his radio show.)


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> The OKCupid girl, she is definitely more attractive than her pics. Our coffee date was almost 3 hours long. I paid the tab. I actually teased her by allowing her to take out her wallet from her purse and then I said "I got it". She seemed like she might ahve been annoyed. Or just confused. I asked her afterwards if she was upset that I let her take her wallet out when I intended to pay. I said I was just teasing her. She denied being upset about it. Outside, she said that we should look into our schedules and schedule another date. I went to hug her. Then I kissed her on the lips. She talked some more. Then right before she leaved, I went to kiss her on the lips again. And I walked away with an automatic grin on my face.
> 
> My female friend thinks this is ****ing awesome. Though I bet rymo, bwidger and Zeeshan are probably thinking, "what the ****? Why didn't you french kiss? Just a kiss on the lips?" lol.
> 
> I had wondered if I should french (at least light french kissing without the tongue). But I was kinda anxious about doing that outside the coffee shop in public like that. And I didn't know if the time was right for that. The kiss on the lips seemed like the safer bet. I formed a physical bond with her and made my intentions clear and that's a start.
> 
> Why did I kiss this girl and not the blonde OKCupid girl? It just ****ing felt right. This one is more my type and my body responds to her in a certain way that it didn't with the blonde. There was a point in that date seated with her that I just knew that I was going to go kiss her afterwards. And it didn't feel forced when I went for it.
> 
> I don't know how I feel about SA girl now. She's a prettier girl. But my body doesn't physically crave her. There's no urgency there. Maybe it would be there if her body language was warmer and playing off my body language. With this other girl, I feel like there is some primal **** going on in the background. "Chemistry".
> 
> I think I'm way better at this body language and reading signals stuff than I typically give myself credit for.
> 
> The OKCupid girl isn't exactly ideal physically. She has noticeable physical flaws (she's also chubby. I feel like such an ******* going on rants about overweight women being spoiled by sleeping with Magic Mikes. As if The Ghost of Christmas Present is telling me, "this nice girl most likely likes you and yet if she read your SAS posts, she'd think you were a real ******* and you deserve it. You have to change". But the attraction is there regardless. Kissing her feels right. And my conscience tells me not to use this person because she's a nice girl and the reason why women were nasty to me in the past is because some *******s turned a nice girl into a *****. And yeah I think this person may be good for me. She's got a good heart. Before the date I was thinking that this girl should know her place (because I saw her as good enough for sex but not for a relationship) and put out for me. But now I feel like the relationship thing is on the table for consideration. I have said before that the nice guy within me is still there. There is just a lot of jadedness in my heart. I yo-yo internally a lot. I think we all have that shadow self that is pretty ugly. The difference is that I openly reveal the shadow self on here and not just pretend like I'm a nice person 100% of the time. I think a combination of nasty past experiences with women, reading PUA material (some of it is insightful and inspiring, most of it is bad and feeds male insecurities and makes women look bad), watching porn over the years and listening to Tom Leykis has ****ed me up (I think he's disgusting. But some of my rants wouldn't seem out of place on his radio show.)


I think it's true that you don't give yourself enough credit, and I think you definitely over-analyze things. You need to work on trusting your instincts, even when things don't work out perfectly all the time (it rarely does for anyone). But bottom line, you done good, man


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> I think it's true that you don't give yourself enough credit, and I think you definitely over-analyze things. You need to work on trusting your instincts, even when things don't work out perfectly all the time (it rarely does for anyone). But bottom line, you done good, man


I don't know if it's just a coincidence that I've been better able to relate to women since watching that RSDTyler video on validation. First coffee for almost 2 hours with the SA girl and feeling such a strong connection there on a platonic level. Then the next day coffee for almost 3 hours with the girl on OKC and then kissing her on the lips twice (I just had to steal that second one. lol). Back to back. I had some setbacks on the date tonight (whereas I was so present as **** with SA girl and comfortable that there were no awkward silences at all.) But I overcame those setbacks.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Good stuff. Wouldn't doubt that your positive interaction with SA girl greased the wheels for the meeting with OKCupid girl and helped it flow. And I like that you didn't french kiss her - a simple kiss is more gentlemanly (which almost all girls can appreciate) and you leave her wanting more.


----------



## bsd3355

PaysageDHiver said:


> Good stuff. Wouldn't doubt that your positive interaction with SA girl greased the wheels for the meeting with OKCupid girl and helped it flow. And I like that you didn't french kiss her - a simple kiss is more gentlemanly (which almost all girls can appreciate) and you leave her wanting more.


+1. A fresh kiss after a first date with coffee might be a little much. I wouldnt of made a big deal about her paying though. If a girl wants to pay then let her pay. You should be proud of yourself for what you've done so far. Try not to take dates too seriously though. They are meant to be enjoyed in the moment.

Btw, why are you wanting to make awkward silences? That's more approach stuff to get the girl talking forget about that stuff


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Phoenix leading the way.  Keep celebrating the small victories buddy. 

Another night out ahead of me and as usual the anxiety is starting to build. I hate this feeling so much, gah!. At least I'm not going out solo this time.


----------



## phoenixwright

I still worry about physical escalation over time. Like for eg on this date I was the one who had to kiss her. My instinct was telling me to kiss her and there was no hesitation. You can't be a totally passive participant. Plus I noticed that her body language was warmer and closer (leaning in more) as I got warmer and closer (I didn't fake it though. I was consciously aware of what I was doing but it felt natural.) But yea I worry about her not giving me a clear opening to kiss her more passionately and that by not going for it, she'd get frustrated and that I would as a result blow it. I wouldn't want to leave her thinking "wtf? Kiss me passionately dammit. I've got needs too!" It's ok to do that in a leaving her wanting more way. But if its just me being timid, that would be no good. It probably will all work out in the end anyway. But I worry that maybe those instincts may fail me and that ill be too passive and blow it.

SA guys are ****ed because they stay out of the game for the most part. Staying in the game allowed me to regain the instincts that helped my ancestors spread their seed (ok I'm good looking too but lots of unattractive guys have girlfriends). lol All this not dating business is like chemical castration. You lose interest in relating with women and sex. And instead you get addicted to other sources of dopamine like porn and masturbation. When I got in my parked car, I noticed I was aroused a bit. From two simple kisses. Lol.

I'm seeing an endocrinologist on Wednesday. To talk about my whole retarded ejaculation and erectile dysfunction issue (sometimes I'm like a tiger in bed. Other times a wet noodle. Since october its been mire tiger action than wet noodle. But the wet noodle makes its appearance often still. But the tiger is more able to get back in the game lately) It's gotta be psychological even though my testosterone levels are low because I jerk off regularly, sometimes to porn, no problem. My t level readings were probably low due to anxiety, occasional depression and not having an active dating life) I feel like my social anxiety affects so many areas of my life, including dating and sex. A forum member in here said performance anxiety is not a SA issue. But I definitely think it is in my case at least. SA affects different people differently. It happens to effect my sex life.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I still worry about physical escalation over time. Like for eg on this date I was the one who had to kiss her. My instinct was telling me to kiss her and there was no hesitation. You can't be a totally passive participant. Plus I noticed that her body language was warmer and closer (leaning in more) as I got warmer and closer (I didn't fake it though. I was consciously aware of what I was doing but it felt natural.) But yea I worry about her not giving me a clear opening to kiss her more passionately and that by not going for it, she'd get frustrated and that I would as a result blow it. I wouldn't want to leave her thinking "wtf? Kiss me passionately dammit. I've got needs too!" It's ok to do that in a leaving her wanting more way. But if its just me being timid, that would be no good. It probably will all work out in the end anyway. But I worry that maybe those instincts may fail me and that ill be too passive and blow it.
> 
> SA guys are ****ed because they stay out of the game for the most part. Staying in the game allowed me to regain the instincts that helped my ancestors spread their seed (ok I'm good looking too but lots of unattractive guys have girlfriends). lol All this not dating business is like chemical castration. You lose interest in relating with women and sex. And instead you get addicted to other sources of dopamine like porn and masturbation. When I got in my parked car, I noticed I was aroused a bit. From two simple kisses. Lol.
> 
> I'm seeing an endocrinologist on Wednesday. To talk about my whole retarded ejaculation and erectile dysfunction issue (sometimes I'm like a tiger in bed. Other times a wet noodle. Since october its been mire tiger action than wet noodle. But the wet noodle makes its appearance often still. But the tiger is more able to get back in the game lately) It's gotta be psychological even though my testosterone levels are low because I jerk off regularly, sometimes to porn, no problem. My t level readings were probably low due to anxiety, occasional depression and not having an active dating life) I feel like my social anxiety affects so many areas of my life, including dating and sex. A forum member in here said performance anxiety is not a SA issue. But I definitely think it is in my case at least. SA affects different people differently. It happens to effect my sex life.


This is interesting because when I had SA back in the day I remember a doctor took my blood and said I had low t levels too. I always wondered why but I think you may of answered that question. That's interesting.

I think the erection problem is psychological for you. You'll probably have a hard time finishing in the sack too. I had the same problem, but not the erection problem though. But given enough time you'll relax.

You did good. She knows you like her like that now and you broke the physical barrier so you're good. Any plans for the next date?

Everything you are experiencing now is because it's new to you. If it doesn't work out with this girl don't beat yourself up. Get right back out there and make it happen again, because you can.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Phoenix leading the way.  Keep celebrating the small victories buddy.
> 
> Another night out ahead of me and as usual the anxiety is starting to build. I hate this feeling so much, gah!. At least I'm not going out solo this time.


Keep going out and talking to girls and that feeling will subside, I promise. It's a normal feeling. You are doing everything you should be doing! I'll be doing the same tonight, man.

If you want to talk to girls tonight (you should try!) approach as a learning lesson; meaning, approach to see what goes right or wrong (any reaction/outcome tonight from girls is what you need and it's good). If a girl is a ***** for some reason then that will give you feedback, and if a girl is nice that will also give you feedback. Try to get 2 approaches tonight so you can build that momentum for the next time you go out.

When you see a girl, go up to her and ask something about the venue, or ask how she's doing. Then just try to keep talking. Don't worry about how you look or what you say because that doesn't matter right now. * Just focus on getting a couple approaches so you can use that reference in the future and build upon it. You need the references*! (this should be your main focus). Any reaction is a good reaction for you right now because it will help you gain confidence in the future. Doesn't matter if she rejects you or not tonight because it's all about the references! _However, if it seems to be going decently then ask if she comes up her often and ask for her number._

Write it down what you need to do if you have to then just sit and imagine it going well over and over in your head:

1. Don't think, just approach; smile (the longer you wait, the harder it will be; make sure you are loud enough she can hear you!)
2. Say and talk about _anything_
3. Ask for her number if you want

GL!

I went out last night but it was like 10 to 1 girl/guy ratio and it was just ****ty. Tonight I'm driving up to downtown Cleveland to meet a RSD alumni who's been going out doing this for 8 years! It'll be pretty cool night. I have enough momentum from going out solo these last few days that I'm not nervous at all and i'm excited and looking forward to it! I think I'll do well


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> This is interesting because when I had SA back in the day I remember a doctor took my blood and said I had low t levels too. I always wondered why but I think you may of answered that question. That's interesting.
> 
> I think the erection problem is psychological for you. You'll probably have a hard time finishing in the sack too. I had the same problem, but not the erection problem though. But given enough time you'll relax.
> 
> You did good. She knows you like her like that now and you broke the physical barrier so you're good. Any plans for the next date?
> 
> Everything you are experiencing now is because it's new to you. If it doesn't work out with this girl don't beat yourself up. Get right back out there and make it happen again, because you can.


I haven't set up second date plans with her yet. I actually haven't texted her yet. I'm not 100% sure but I think she gets off work early Fridays so I'm thinking I should text her now. I have to leave for the city in an hour too so I want to text her and tell her that I had a great evening with her yesterday. And ask her how she's doing. I got off work early today too.

Should I set up date plans with her tonight? Obviously I want the actual date to be at a later date next week since you want to be able to savor the moment and leave each other wanting more right? If you set up a meeting too soon, there's less to catch up on. She has a very interesting career. A career I wanted to get into at one point. So yeah it's nice to give her time to go about her daily life and have new things to share about her day-to-day life on date #2. But I mean like actually exchanging schedules and making plans for the next date. Should I do that tonight? Or at least start doing that tonight? We don't have to flesh things out too much right away. But a rough date/time would be nice right?

I want to go out and enjoy time with my friends tonight and tomorrow in great spirits with an extra spring in my step. I could barely do my work today at the office. I was elated. I'm not obsessed with her or anything. But I'm very excited and proud of myself. I see this as a new chapter in my life. I'm going to check out more RSDTyler material. His validation video inspired me as did the negative motivation video and the idea of being present (David De Angelo and Jad T Jones have some inspirational material too. David talks about being in the present too. Though I'm not a fan of much of David's work. And Jad T Jones is not always my cup of tea. Especially his newsletters) I need to celebrate tonight and tomorrow for this big accomplishment.


----------



## rymo

I've been pondering lately whether my core personality is any good or not. I know I am caring, loyal, nice, smart, etc., and when it comes to girls I know all the rules of the game, at least well enough to get by. But I still struggle to find myself and be happy with myself when I'm socializing in general. I guess this post is broader than just talking about getting girls. It's about going into any social situation and having something to say. Being proud of what I have to offer. Having true confidence.

I've certainly developed some confidence and charm over the last few years, but I don't consistently believe in myself. Sometimes my brain just seems to slow down and its just tumbleweeds floating by in there. I can't think of anything worthwhile to contribute. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. It's very rare that everything comes together and I feel truly content in a situation. Just once I would love to hang out with a bunch of guy friends and have a really ****ing awesome time laughing the night away without feeling like I just can't keep up.

I think focusing on girls so much the last year blinded me to the fact that I still have SA and I still have a problem. Now that that focus has subsided, I can see who I really am more easily and it disappoints me greatly. I just want a clear head. I want to be completely responsible. I want to take pride in myself. Sometimes it just seems overwhelming.

I know this is a rant about random **** but it's my topic I can do what I want *****es!

/blog


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I've been pondering lately whether my core personality is any good or not. I know I am caring, loyal, nice, smart, etc., and when it comes to girls I know all the rules of the game, at least well enough to get by. But I still struggle to find myself and be happy with myself when I'm socializing in general. I guess this post is broader than just talking about getting girls. It's about going into any social situation and having something to say. Being proud of what I have to offer. Having true confidence.
> 
> I've certainly developed some confidence and charm over the last few years, but I don't consistently believe in myself. Sometimes my brain just seems to slow down and its just tumbleweeds floating by in there. I can't think of anything worthwhile to contribute. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. It's very rare that everything comes together and I feel truly content in a situation. Just once I would love to hang out with a bunch of guy friends and have a really ****ing awesome time laughing the night away without feeling like I just can't keep up.
> 
> I think focusing on girls so much the last year blinded me to the fact that I still have SA and I still have a problem. Now that that focus has subsided, I can see who I really am more easily and it disappoints me greatly. I just want a clear head. I want to be completely responsible. I want to take pride in myself. Sometimes it just seems overwhelming.
> 
> I know this is a rant about random **** but it's my topic I can do what I want *****es!
> 
> /blog


What's some of the negative thoughts that go through your head?

I think a lot of mine used to be:

"This is exhausting"
"I'm not free and I feel caged in"
"I feel like I'm forcing things"
"They aren't that interesting to me. Is it me?"
"Why can't I enjoy myself in this moment?"
"Why does everyone else have fun besides me?"

I personally believe that we need to prove certain things to ourselves. Often we can't do that because we haven't viewed it correctly, or we are unknowingly being too hard on ourselves. People can also tend to forget how to be themselves and they want to control everything. I think people want to control everything and they can't appreciate who they are in the moment because they want to be "this way" or "that way" and so they struggle with themselves. In reality, no one is perfect, and when you can appreciate being yourself, regardless of how you may look to others, you can be shy or confident and love who you are; you can sit in a crowd of people and just appreciate, and that's when you stop trying to control **** and your natural personality will come through because you aren't fighting a control battle with yourself. We want specific outcomes on everything without knowing it sometimes and we can't just hang out with someone and enjoy being who we are in that moment (regardless of what state we are in), and in turn we can't appreciate the other person for being there as well. We want to control everything; ourselves; other people; outcomes, etc. While it's good to aim for a goal, we all could benefit from "enjoying the moment" regardless of who we are in that moment.


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## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> What's some of the negative thoughts that go through your head?
> 
> I think a lot of mine used to be:
> 
> "This is exhausting"
> "I'm not free and I feel caged in"
> "I feel like I'm forcing things"
> "They aren't that interesting to me. Is it me?"
> "Why can't I enjoy myself in this moment?"
> "Why does everyone else have fun besides me?"
> 
> I personally believe that we need to prove certain things to ourselves. Often we can't do that because we haven't viewed it correctly, or we are unknowingly being too hard on ourselves. People can also tend to forget how to be themselves and they want to control everything. I think people want to control everything and they can't appreciate who they are in the moment because they want to be "this way" or "that way" and so they struggle with themselves. In reality, no one is perfect, and when you can appreciate being yourself, regardless of how you may look to others, you can be shy or confident and love who you are; you can sit in a crowd of people and just appreciate, and that's when you stop trying to control **** and your natural personality will come through because you aren't fighting a control battle with yourself. We want specific outcomes on everything without knowing it sometimes and we can't just hang out with someone and enjoy being who we are in that moment (regardless of what state we are in), and in turn we can't appreciate the other person for being there as well. We want to control everything; ourselves; other people; outcomes, etc. While it's good to aim for a goal, we all could benefit from "enjoying the moment" regardless of who we are in that moment.


Beautifully said. I tend to agree with all of that, but of course it all gets frustrating and confusing at times when we are living within our heads instead of the present moment and our surroundings. I know I would be happier if I would just appreciate who I am but I'm still somewhat unsure of who I am and it's going to be hard to break the habit of trying to be perfect all the time. It's like I've come so far and it's still nothing compared to my ridiculous expectations. Depending on the specific social situation, I feel better or worse about all this. But I want to (nearly) always feel good about myself. It's so tiring not feeling that way. Oh well, gotsta keep on truckin.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Beautifully said. I tend to agree with all of that, but of course it all gets frustrating and confusing at times when we are living within our heads instead of the present moment and our surroundings. I know I would be happier if I would just appreciate who I am but I'm still somewhat unsure of who I am and it's going to be hard to break the habit of trying to be perfect all the time. It's like I've come so far and it's still nothing compared to my ridiculous expectations. Depending on the specific social situation, I feel better or worse about all this. But I want to (nearly) always feel good about myself. It's so tiring not feeling that way. Oh well, gotsta keep on truckin.


It's good you realize that about yourself. A lot of people don't, and so you may be learning a valuable lesson. I personally think if you want true happiness then you don't let any emotional state stop you from where you want to go or what you want. Why? Because when we experience those things, especially something important to us, we learn things about ourselves and it's the journey and the continual growth that makes us happy. If we don't let ourselves fall even in the worst times then we often get to a better place or learn powerful things. That's why I say always go after what you want in life regardless how you feel, because when you stick with it you learn more about yourself and other people. You will never learn these things without experiencing them. It's true that we won't ever be perfect, and so we need to take realistic viewpoints on situations and realize we have the ability to better and love ourselves more if we learn from the things we are uncomfortable with. We can't go into everything perfect. It's human nature to start rough sometimes. It's in our biology to adapt ever since the beginning of time.

For me, learning about "momentum" in even the smallest things has been a recent eye opener. If we believe in momentum, then we believe in positive momentum as well. We are supposed to start off rough sometimes and some of us are unaware at times of positive momentum through action. Our actions do tend to change our minds. Life seems to be like a big momentum ball, either going in the negative direction or in the positive with relation to how we live our lives in all aspects. Any positive step in the right direction will carry momentum in your life in all aspects even if it starts off rough.


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## bsd3355

And on this note, the perfect song


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## jayjaythejetplane

Tonight was interesting. A lot of firsts and a boat load of references.

*Positives:*


Went to a club for the first time
Physically escalated
Danced with girls for the first time 
Clear intent 
Icy approaches
Burned sets to the ground

*Lessons:*


The environment effected my state 
One dimensional 
Too much intent, not enough woo (lousy state)
Got my first real blow out

No kiss closes, a ridiculously loud club, a very drunk "wing" and a quite frankly brutal blow out, I could be forgiven for labeling that a horrible night, but it wasn't. Compared to Monday I've learned 3x as much. Onwards to tomorrow!

Hope you're having fun in Cleveland, bwidger.


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## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Tonight was interesting. A lot of firsts and a boat load of references.
> 
> *Positives:*
> 
> 
> Went to a club for the first time
> Physically escalated
> Danced with girls for the first time
> Clear intent
> Icy approaches
> Burned sets to the ground
> 
> *Lessons:*
> 
> 
> The environment effected my state
> One dimensional
> Too much intent, not enough woo (lousy state)
> Got my first real blow out
> 
> No kiss closes, a ridiculously loud club, a very drunk "wing" and a quite frankly brutal blow out, I could be forgiven for labeling that a horrible night, but it wasn't. Compared to Monday I've learned 3x as much. Onwards to tomorrow!
> 
> Hope you're having fun in Cleveland, bwidger.


Every night you go out and you talk to girls is a win--rejection or success. Any questions you have you should ask the people here. The reason why it's important to go out and talk to women is because you now have something to think about. Because you have these experiences you should look at them and ask yourself what went right or what went wrong. If you got blown out, was it because the girl was mean or was it you. Be honest with yourself. If you don't know you should ask people, or if you want ask me specifically because I feel I can tell you the truth best to my ability. It's important to have these experiences so you can analyze them and build upon them. You approached and got blown out--why did you get blown-out? What things were wrong or right about that situation? Ask yourself those things.

You are doing something extremely liberating and you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up. Are you going out tomorrow? You should, and before you go make some personal goals that you personally want to accomplish and learn from those experiences. Your confidence is growing and it's amazing to see someone from this site doing this. It's proof that we are all capable and beyond capable of social things.


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## bsd3355

*FR #3 (downtown cleveland)*

So I just came back from downtown Cleveland. It was packed. My wing (Russ) was a nice guy but I think he's full of **** on somethings. He was talking a big game but he didn't back it up at all. In fact, I didn't see him open any girls tonight. Every group of girls that were approached from an open I DID IT. He kept hinting I should approach girls, and in his mind he probably was thinking I was afraid or something, but honestly I was just chilling and vibing. So, being I knew he wasn't going to approach anyone, I opened every girl he talked to that night (close to 10). He was talking, talking, talking and I started to realize he was full of **** so I just started to approach and he winged in a few moments after I opened the girls. In total, I got 4 numbers. I only asked for 4 numbers from the girls I opened.

The amazing part was every girl I talked to was super friendly and open for conversation. I felt like I was in the twilight zone or something. I talked to some really pretty girls and they were so ****ing friendly, it really shocked me. I can't emphasis how much this took me by surprise. These girls were so ****ing nice and responsive and just ****ing cool, man. I was shocked over and over again how they stood still and just ****ing talked to me. Usually if I open they are kind of A.D.D. and all over the place, but right when I opened them they ****ing stood still and just ****ing talked to me, being extremely friendly. It was almost weird to me--it WAS weird to me. I feel like I should say more on this because that's how much it surprised me... even the hot bartenders were nice and talking to me... weird man... but I guess that's what happened the other night at the Dusty as well...

_*I think there is something to be said about feeling comfortable approaching and talking to women*. _ I felt that way these last couple times I went out. These things I mean from the bottom of my heart to be true so I hope you take me seriously when I say these things. There is something also to be said about being yourself and being friendly and talkative. Stop trying to be someone else. These is no need. There should be humility. When you talk to a girl there should be vulnerability. You should be NORMAL and it should feel like you are talking to a friend. The more you act like someone you aren't the more you are hurting really making a connection with someone. The beautiful thing about what I just typed is that it is everything every person wants to hear: people like you for you; _*women like you for you*_.

The only thing I think I should incorporate into what I'm doing is letting the girl know that I am interested in getting to know them to date or for that purpose. I have some ideas. I think being upfront and honest is the best thing. If I approach a girl and start a conversation, I want to start to be upfront and tell her she's pretty and let her know that I'd like to see her again. Most guys approach and are either too weird or nervous to really make the approach and the direct invitation of interest non-strange. All it takes is practice until it feels normal to you. It should be normal because it's starting a friendly conversation with someone new.

I need to go direct more often and let the girl know in a calibrated and confident way why I am approaching them. I need to approach the girl and be honest: 
_
"Hey, how are you tonight?.....good.....i think you are very pretty (smile).....are you having fun tonight?.....(talk, talk, talk back and forth)....(time goes by and we build comfort and a connection and maybe some flirting ensues).... I would really like to hang out with you sometime....would you like to grab coffee sometime?......OK, great! Let me grab your number and we can go get coffee this week perhaps"_

Bam.

There is something powerful in that dialog. It's not the words, but it's the confidence and it's the normalcy and comfort of doing such a thing. When you approach a woman by being friendly, confident and direct in a cordial way, you present yourself as friendly, non-weird, confident to the woman. The problem for a lot of guys is they don't appear that way; they appear weird or nervous or pushy. There is a difference. If you can have that vibe and that confidence to approach and be the positive way I described, then you are putting yourself in THE BEST position for a date with a girl you just recently approached and met.

THIS is why I go out. I learn and I adapt and I become better. The way I have been approaching lately is the right way for me. The rest is a number's game. I can't lose. I cannot lose


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## phoenixwright

I texted her early last evening (before 6pm) [because i was leaving for the city right before then and wanted to text her sometime that evening when I'm not busy] saying that I enjoyed last evening and asking her how she was doing that night. She said that she's doing well and is getting ready to go out. Said she had fun (with me) as well. I texted her back saying that I was heading out as well (was already on the subway) and told her to have fun. I said that we can discuss scheduled and second date plans later. That is if she is still interested  (lol) She replied with a smiley face and said that she will, have fun and she said talk soon.

Should I text her this afternoon to set up the second date? (the first date was Thursday in case you forgot lol). I'm going out around 3pm-ish to the city and could be out all night possibly. And she might be doing something Saturday night I bet.

For the second date should I go for a bar/restaurant type of deal? The first was coffee. She's more into the bar scene than restaurants so I'll suggest a bar. But I don't want it to be just drinks. We should go for dinner at the bar/pub. It's the second date so it shouldn't be awkward to eat (I did have dessert on the first date. At the coffee place).

The thing with the bar is that I wouldn't be comfortable french kissing her outside the bar in public. And there would be no privacy for making out unless I invite her to the backseat of my car or something or she invites me to her condo (inviting her to my place is not ideal since it's a 23 min drive from her neighbourhood and I live with the parentals. So it's not an ideal location to hang out with a girl and make out. I've banged a girl at my parents' place before but if a girl has her own place, why would I go there?) . Is it ok to tease her after kissing her on the lips (maybe hold longer?) that I want to kiss her more deeply but I don't like it when other people are watching. lol.

My gay friend is all like "you're thinking of moving too fast" but I think he's out of touch. He actually suggested I cut my first date short to 40 minutes, making up an excuse that I have somewhere to go. Meanwhile my first date turned out to be almost 3 hours and I kissed her at the end. I think disregarding his advice ended well for me. lol. And I'm starting to question whether he is a good go-to guy for advice. He's gay and doesn't like girls. Maybe not an expert on the subject? lol.


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## bsd3355

Set up a date for Sunday to a bar for a couple drinks. Text her and ask her if she's seen any good movies lately. Tell her you were thinking about renting a movie, and then ask if she'd want to watch it at her place. So basically, a bar _briefly_ (maybe an hour or so), then and a movie at her place (not the theaters! a _rental_). She will likely say yes to a movie at her place. If she asks why not your place tell her that you live with your parents (you'll have to eventually). Be honest.

Or you can ask if she'd like to watch a movie at her place without the drinks (or you can bring drinks). It doesn't really matter imo. Watching at rental movie together will be the perfect opportunity to snuggle and make out and fool around.


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## phoenixwright

Thanks for the suggestion bwidger. I'll keep it in mind. I had already texted her and gave her my schedule. She suggested a Wednesday day date since I'm off that day but have a doctors appointment 2:15. She asked me whats going on in the city wednesday morning. i said id look into it. she said she'll try thinking of something too. I suggested brunch just recently and said ill mention other ideas that come up.

Maybe the movie date at her condo can be done on the third. She kinda boxed me into going out by asking me what's going on in the city during the day. Lol. Her suggesting a day date caught me off guard.


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Thanks for the suggestion bwidger. I'll keep it in mind. I had already texted her and gave her my schedule. She suggested a Wednesday day date since I'm off that day but have a doctors appointment 2:15. She asked me whats going on in the city wednesday morning. i said id look into it. she said she'll try thinking of something too. I suggested brunch just recently and said ill mention other ideas that come up.
> 
> Maybe the movie date at her condo can be done on the third. She kinda boxed me into going out by asking me what's going on in the city during the day. Lol. Her suggesting a day date caught me off guard.


You can still watch a movie rental in the day time. I would go for it. Now is the perfect time to do it, trust me. She will likely say yes because she is suggesting future date times.

Well, maybe the morning isn't the best time to watch a movie. But if it's after 12pm I'd say go for it.


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## phoenixwright

She OK'd the brunch idea. Maybe see a rental at her place afterwards? I don't have much time on Wednesday. I have to get to the doctor by 2:15pm and she lives at least 25 mins away by car from the doc i believe. More most likely. Maybe we can save it for date 3?


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> She OK'd the brunch idea. Maybe see a rental at her place afterwards? I don't have much time on Wednesday. I have to get to the doctor by 2:15pm and she lives at least 25 mins away by car from the doc i believe. More most likely. Maybe we can save it for date 3?


Duh. lol.

Ask her if she's free after your appointment. And if she is then schedule for after your appointment


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## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Duh. lol.
> 
> Ask her if she's free after your appointment. And if she is then schedule for after your appointment


she has to go to work at 4 though bro  she had kinda of an irregular schedule


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> she has to go to work at 4 though bro


Oh. In that case, it's just bad timing is all. I guess brunch is fine. Don't make it intense; make it casual and light so she'll want to see you again. No one wants to have brunch in the morning and have deep, profound conversations  At brunch just keep the conversation and attitude light. I would save french kissing for a more intimate time like bars at night or a movie at her place. I wouldn't go for the french kiss in the morning lol. It's not like once you french kiss things change or anything. It's not a big deal. I don't even like french kissing. I usually avoid it tbh. It doesn't seem natural to me to lick someone's tongue lol


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

For those of us going down the self development route, do you ever fear your true self? It's hard for me to explain, but I've held back for so long, now that I'm letting my personality hit the surface it scares me a little. I'm not a horrible person at heart, but recently I've seen sides of myself that have shocked me. I guess loosening the shackles means you've got to take the good with the bad.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I texted her early last evening (before 6pm) [because i was leaving for the city right before then and wanted to text her sometime that evening when I'm not busy] saying that I enjoyed last evening and asking her how she was doing that night. She said that she's doing well and is getting ready to go out. Said she had fun (with me) as well. I texted her back saying that I was heading out as well (was already on the subway) and told her to have fun. I said that we can discuss scheduled and second date plans later. That is if she is still interested  (lol) She replied with a smiley face and said that she will, have fun and she said talk soon.
> 
> Should I text her this afternoon to set up the second date? (the first date was Thursday in case you forgot lol). I'm going out around 3pm-ish to the city and could be out all night possibly. And she might be doing something Saturday night I bet.
> 
> For the second date should I go for a bar/restaurant type of deal? The first was coffee. She's more into the bar scene than restaurants so I'll suggest a bar. But I don't want it to be just drinks. We should go for dinner at the bar/pub. It's the second date so it shouldn't be awkward to eat (I did have dessert on the first date. At the coffee place).
> 
> The thing with the bar is that I wouldn't be comfortable french kissing her outside the bar in public. And there would be no privacy for making out unless I invite her to the backseat of my car or something or she invites me to her condo (inviting her to my place is not ideal since it's a 23 min drive from her neighbourhood and I live with the parentals. So it's not an ideal location to hang out with a girl and make out. I've banged a girl at my parents' place before but if a girl has her own place, why would I go there?) . Is it ok to tease her after kissing her on the lips (maybe hold longer?) that I want to kiss her more deeply but I don't like it when other people are watching. lol.
> 
> My gay friend is all like "you're thinking of moving too fast" but I think he's out of touch. He actually suggested I cut my first date short to 40 minutes, making up an excuse that I have somewhere to go. Meanwhile my first date turned out to be almost 3 hours and I kissed her at the end. I think disregarding his advice ended well for me. lol. And I'm starting to question whether he is a good go-to guy for advice. He's gay and doesn't like girls. Maybe not an expert on the subject? lol.


lol your gay friend understands women as well, they always do


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## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> For those of us going down the self development route, do you ever fear your true self? It's hard for me to explain, but I've held back for so long, now that I'm letting my personality hit the surface it scares me a little. I'm not a horrible person at heart, but recently I've seen sides of myself that have shocked me. I guess loosening the shackles means you've got to take the good with the bad.


not sure what you mean by self development, its a bunch of croc if you ask me, but i think a person can change a lot. They can change everything about themselves, but i dont think thats development its just change.


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## phoenixwright

I'm not big on tongue kissing either. A girl once told me that I was cheap with kissing (she felt I was a good kisser and I was the one who ended things with her so my kissing style wasn't a deal breaker or anything). Presumably because I don't like using tongue and when I do, it feels weird. Especially if you are uncoordinated (lol). And the saliva build up can be nasty. The tongue thing is more like a feeling of obligation on my part. It's like how many girls don't like oral sex but will do it for their boyfriend because they like it. I don't like tongue kissing. It can be nice when it's coordinated (lol) but it's over-rated and I don't like doing it too much.

I'd like to get more more passionate and hungering with kisses instead of just simply planting one on the lips with this girl. I'd like to get to that stage eventually with her. But it's awkward to be doing that in public around other people outside a coffee shop/restaurant or bar. A more secluded/intimate area or private area is necessary. But it doesn't have to happen on this brunch date. I don't mind waiting. I was just worried she'd think I'm too passive or something if I don't kiss her more passionately by a certain time.


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## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> For those of us going down the self development route, do you ever fear your true self? It's hard for me to explain, but I've held back for so long, now that I'm letting my personality hit the surface it scares me a little. I'm not a horrible person at heart, but recently I've seen sides of myself that have shocked me. I guess loosening the shackles means you've got to take the good with the bad.


Fear of success? I've heard of people having it but it's never really been one of my fears. I've been afraid to do things, but the success aspect of it doesn't scare me, just the process sometimes. Alex from rsd talks about his fear of success in one of his videos in the past


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## Zeeshan

I still cant approach a "stranger" girl...my mind always has the perfect excuse and parallyzes me...its so unfortunate, because i am practically surrounded by attractive women,

I think i might be able to do it, if i wasnt alone. Or if i wasnt so conflicted. I mean you would nver know that i had any kind of anxiety looking at me now, and yet no matter what, this inability persists. It stands in front of me as if a wall, and i know that unless i break through it, the rest of my life will continue to be rather undesirable.

There is a particular girl from work on my mind. She is a bit older, I dont have her phone number or i would ask her to meet me right now. The issue is that she is someone i work with, and i dont particularly like the idea of things not working out with her. Last week she grabbed me and we went to lunch together, somehow i was so lost in the great time we were having, that i didnt bother to get her number. The "work" makes it difficult to ask her out more formally. Surely, anything that goes on with her, or doesnt would be surrounded in the office. People who know me, coworkers-family-acquaintances, see a very different extroverted social side of me. there are some things that i have kept to my self. Then i think, she must be losing her mind, i mean literally she knows i like her, she goes out of her way to get me alone, tell me she is available, I think she must be wondering why is it that i havent asked for her phone number. 

But its more about premediation. See the problem is that anxiety in itself only seems to exist in the future, i never get nervous in the moment. If i was out having a conversation with a beautiful girl, kissing one, or making love to one, i would almost have no fear. I feel nothing but excitement in the moment. Its the premeditation that bothers me. I cant think about taking a decision and then follow through. This includes choosing to ask out someone, hitting on a girl. Once i have to think about, my mind brings up the bag of excuses. Its quite frustrating. 

I dont like to analyze things anymore, i just take them for what its worth. I cant go talk to this pretty girl right now, so be it. I dont have the ability. I continuously seek a solution. 2 weeks from now i am starting acting classes, just to see if i can somehow lol act like i can approach a girl and do it. Get into charachter. I am also looking to learn some self defense, as i think it would calm me. I am doing so much, and yet this one thing hinders me. No matter what it just doesnt seem to be happening. 

I look back on the last month or so, and now not getting any action, regret turning down what could have been an affair with a married woman. I think about texting her...or some other girl on my phone. I dont want to go back to the slings and arrows of online dating, its such a crap shoot, and mostly crap. 

So i have to somehow conquer this, i mean people do it all the time. I have done it before, it cannot be that difficult. Its not that difficult. Its these excuses, there is always an excuse and sometimes multiples of them. I mean i am literally in a paradise people tell me, young, well off, living in a city surrounded by attractive girls, decent looking, i should be scoring at a very high rate. 

Its almost as if this one thing, brings back every single insecurity i have right to the forefront.

You know what the worst part is? I know that another guy in my place would be taking full advantage of the situation. I know its just a minor tweek, I have never ever struggled talking with any woman, its just like a wall. I really really hope i break through soon because somehting really has to give here.

I am even willing to try a mind altering drug for this exposure.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

So there's one girl I really like but I'm not sure if she would be interested.

Then there's this other girl who I think is interested but I'm not sure if I like her.

I need to go after it either way.


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## komorikun

Does Cleveland have way more woman than men?

http://www.city-data.com/housing/houses-Cleveland-Ohio.html


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## phoenixwright

How far away do you live from downtown Cleveland bwidger? 

I have been wondering lately if it's seen as a bit "try hard" to be willing to drive a good distance to see a girl. For eg. The girl I'm seeing lives 25-ish mins away from me and when she suggested to meet near her area (I suggested a coffee shop about 23 mins away), she expressed concern that it was too far of a drive for me. For the second date she suggested two places that serve brunch that are 23 mins away and another that is 32 mins away. I am most interested in the third place even though it's a longer commute because I've never been. She said we can try other locations (I take it she wants to meet me "half way"?) but I said that the location she normally goes to is fine. She didn't text after that. I wonder if I'm being too accommodating or if she didn't feel the need to text anything else since we confirmed the location?

Personally I'd prefer to meet near her area for dates so that we can drop by her condo after (though there won't be any time for that for the brunch date. I have to go see the doctor and she has to go to work. So I could meet her half-way if that's what she really wants). Dropping by my place is fine. But not my preference because I live with my parentals. I've had sex at my parents' place before and my parents kinda just accept it because I'm 27. But if a girl has her own place, why have sex in my parents' house right? lol. 

And yeah I haven't let her know yet that I live with my parents. She will find out eventually and I haven't lied to her about my living status (I just don't volunteer that info). But I'm not letting that cat out of the bag until I absolutely have to. lol. She's Jewish so if she hears that I live with mom and dad, images of Howard Wolowitz and his over-bearing mother might be flashing through her brain.


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## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Does Cleveland have way more woman than men?


I have no idea. I just went there because I live in a small town of 28K max. Cleveland is much larger. That, and, I was meeting up with Russ. Cleveland isn't a rich city, but I'm more interested in the population size.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> How far away do you live from downtown Cleveland bwidger?


50mins


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan, every person goes through what you are going through. Start off small and then build it up. Momentum will carry you and build your confidence. Doing nothing does not build confidence with regard to this, and if you are in a state of non-action then it only seems not possible. You're right in the sense that all you have to do is "tweak" a few minor things. The one thing you definitely need to do is take action and keep taking action, and what will happen is you will naturally gain momentum and confidence. I don't know what you expect? Everyone has to do something. If you need guidance this is a great place to ask. Make goals and follow through with those goals. The best place to start is to talk to women. Going to the gym or learning other things doesn't necessarily help tbh. You need to face it upfront and talk to women


Few things to keep in mind:

Rejection is just as good as success
Think in abundance (infinite # of approaches; infinite # number of girls = guaranteed success)


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan said:


> But its more about premediation. See the problem is that anxiety in itself only seems to exist in the future, i never get nervous in the moment. If i was out having a conversation with a beautiful girl, kissing one, or making love to one, i would almost have no fear. I feel nothing but excitement in the moment. Its the premeditation that bothers me. I cant think about taking a decision and then follow through. This includes choosing to ask out someone, hitting on a girl. Once i have to think about, my mind brings up the bag of excuses. Its quite frustrating.


Lowering your time of reaction and building momentum are the two key paths to follow, Zeeshan. I literally just dive straight in now because I know if I wait even for a minute I'll back out. Momentum is also great as the more approaches you make the more you get out of your head.


----------



## bsd3355

Phoenixwright, if you want to date her and _you_ don't mind driving the distance then don't let it concern you. My ex has a friend who is in a solid relationship with a guy who lives 2 hours away from her.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> _Lowering your time of reaction_ and _building momentum_ are the two key paths to follow


so true


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Phoenixwright, if you want to date her and _you_ don't mind driving the distance then don't let it concern you. My ex has a friend who is in a solid relationship with a guy who lives 2 hours away from her.


alright. For brunch what time should I suggest for the date? I have to get to my specialist's office by 2:15 and its a 33 min drive minimum from the diner. So I need to take my leave by 1:40 at the very latest. So for a start time should it be like 11am for brunch? Maybe 10? 10:30? Lol. Our first date (coffee) was almost 3 hours so a short second date might kill momentum? My female friend suggested lunch time (12) but that feels too rushed for eating at a sit-in restaurant. Plus it's brunch, not lunch.

Basically my concern is: what would maximize my chances of being invited to her condo or somewhere private and getting some action? Or failing that, building momentum towards that in the future.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> alright. For brunch what time should I suggest for the date? I have to get to my specialist's office by 2:15 and its a 33 min drive minimum from the diner. So I need to take my leave by 1:40 at the very latest. So for a start time should it be like 11am for brunch? Maybe 10? 10:30? Lol. Our first date (coffee) was almost 3 hours so a short second date might kill momentum? My female friend suggested lunch time (12) but that feels too rushed for eating at a sit-in restaurant. Plus it's brunch, not lunch.
> 
> Basically my concern is: what would maximize my chances of being invited to her condo or somewhere private and getting some action? Or failing that, building momentum towards that in the future.


11 is fin e


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I still cant approach a "stranger" girl...my mind always has the perfect excuse and parallyzes me...its so unfortunate, because i am practically surrounded by attractive women,
> 
> I think i might be able to do it, if i wasnt alone. Or if i wasnt so conflicted. I mean you would nver know that i had any kind of anxiety looking at me now, and yet no matter what, this inability persists. It stands in front of me as if a wall, and i know that unless i break through it, the rest of my life will continue to be rather undesirable.
> 
> There is a particular girl from work on my mind. She is a bit older, I dont have her phone number or i would ask her to meet me right now. The issue is that she is someone i work with, and i dont particularly like the idea of things not working out with her. Last week she grabbed me and we went to lunch together, somehow i was so lost in the great time we were having, that i didnt bother to get her number. The "work" makes it difficult to ask her out more formally. Surely, anything that goes on with her, or doesnt would be surrounded in the office. People who know me, coworkers-family-acquaintances, see a very different extroverted social side of me. there are some things that i have kept to my self. Then i think, she must be losing her mind, i mean literally she knows i like her, she goes out of her way to get me alone, tell me she is available, I think she must be wondering why is it that i havent asked for her phone number.
> 
> But its more about premediation. See the problem is that anxiety in itself only seems to exist in the future, i never get nervous in the moment. If i was out having a conversation with a beautiful girl, kissing one, or making love to one, i would almost have no fear. I feel nothing but excitement in the moment. Its the premeditation that bothers me. I cant think about taking a decision and then follow through. This includes choosing to ask out someone, hitting on a girl. Once i have to think about, my mind brings up the bag of excuses. Its quite frustrating.
> 
> I dont like to analyze things anymore, i just take them for what its worth. I cant go talk to this pretty girl right now, so be it. I dont have the ability. I continuously seek a solution. 2 weeks from now i am starting acting classes, just to see if i can somehow lol act like i can approach a girl and do it. Get into charachter. I am also looking to learn some self defense, as i think it would calm me. I am doing so much, and yet this one thing hinders me. No matter what it just doesnt seem to be happening.
> 
> I look back on the last month or so, and now not getting any action, regret turning down what could have been an affair with a married woman. I think about texting her...or some other girl on my phone. I dont want to go back to the slings and arrows of online dating, its such a crap shoot, and mostly crap.
> 
> So i have to somehow conquer this, i mean people do it all the time. I have done it before, it cannot be that difficult. Its not that difficult. Its these excuses, there is always an excuse and sometimes multiples of them. I mean i am literally in a paradise people tell me, young, well off, living in a city surrounded by attractive girls, decent looking, i should be scoring at a very high rate.
> 
> Its almost as if this one thing, brings back every single insecurity i have right to the forefront.
> 
> You know what the worst part is? I know that another guy in my place would be taking full advantage of the situation. I know its just a minor tweek, I have never ever struggled talking with any woman, its just like a wall. I really really hope i break through soon because somehting really has to give here.
> 
> I am even willing to try a mind altering drug for this exposure.


Nuts I think I've fallen for her


----------



## feverfew

bwidger85 said:


> The only thing I think I should incorporate into what I'm doing is letting the girl know that I am interested in getting to know them to date or for that purpose. I have some ideas. I think being upfront and honest is the best thing. If I approach a girl and start a conversation, I want to start to be upfront and tell her she's pretty and let her know that I'd like to see her again. Most guys approach and are either too weird or nervous to really make the approach and the direct invitation of interest non-strange. All it takes is practice until it feels normal to you. It should be normal because it's starting a friendly conversation with someone new.
> 
> I need to go direct more often and let the girl know in a calibrated and confident way why I am approaching them. I need to approach the girl and be honest:
> *
> "Hey, how are you tonight?.....good.....i think you are very pretty (smile).....are you having fun tonight?.....(talk, talk, talk back and forth)....(time goes by and we build comfort and a connection and maybe some flirting ensues).... I would really like to hang out with you sometime....would you like to grab coffee sometime?......OK, great! Let me grab your number and we can go get coffee this week perhaps"*
> 
> Bam.
> 
> There is something powerful in that dialog. It's not the words, but it's the confidence and it's the normalcy and comfort of doing such a thing. When you approach a woman by being friendly, confident and direct in a cordial way, you present yourself as friendly, non-weird, confident to the woman. The problem for a lot of guys is they don't appear that way; they appear weird or nervous or pushy. There is a difference. If you can have that vibe and that confidence to approach and be the positive way I described, then you are putting yourself in THE BEST position for a date with a girl you just recently approached and met.
> 
> THIS is why I go out. I learn and I adapt and I become better. The way I have been approaching lately is the right way for me. The rest is a number's game. I can't lose. I cannot lose


I really like this direct approach bwidger. I think it is best to be upfront right away, instead of trying to beat around the bush. I figure that most women know your intentions anyway, so why not be confident and be straight forward with it? I might have to steal that convo up there. Have you actually tried it yet?


----------



## bsd3355

feverfew said:


> I really like this direct approach bwidger. I think it is best to be upfront right away, instead of trying to beat around the bush. I figure that most women know your intentions anyway, so why not be confident and be straight forward with it? I might have to steal that convo up there. Have you actually tried it yet?


Not yet, but I really want to try being direct like this from the beginning and preferably all the way through. I think if I am direct like that to a girl I just met and she reciprocates that interest then it opens up a lot in that situation and later on (getting physical, etc). I probably won't get to try it out till Wednesday because my car is in the shop.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Has anyone seen any Love-Systems material? Cajun talks in depth about sub communication and a few of the rsd instructors (specifically Julien) also push the idea that the material context of the conversation doesn't matter *at all*. A quick example from Saturday, a girl held eye contact with me, commented on my smile and I playfully flipped her off (I just felt like it, don't ask). For the next ten minutes we talked about smoking, but all the while I'm physical escalating, the vibe is good and I got her number. I actually asked her over text the next day if she recalled the conversation and she didn't have a clue, she just remembered having a good time with me. Square stance, laser eye contact, looking at the lips, tonality. When you realise you can shoot the **** it helps tremendously with AA because all the pressure is taken away from the opener. I'm definitely going to have fun experimenting with this.

That's like a bwidger mini-report. lol


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Has anyone seen any Love-Systems material? Cajun talks in depth about sub communication and a few of the rsd instructors (specifically Julien) also push the idea that the material context of the conversation doesn't matter *at all*. A quick example from Saturday, a girl held eye contact with me, commented on my smile and I playfully flipped her off (I just felt like it, don't ask). For the next ten minutes we talked about smoking, but all the while I'm physical escalating, the vibe is good and I got her number. I actually asked her over text the next day if she recalled the conversation and she didn't have a clue, she just remembered having a good time with me. Square stance, laser eye contact, looking at the lips, tonality. When you realise you can shoot the **** it helps tremendously with AA because all the pressure is taken away from the opener. I'm definitely going to have fun experimenting with this.
> 
> That's like a bwidger mini-report. lol


Hey man, why aren't you posting your reports!? I realize you kind of did that just now, but still...

Yes, the conversation doesn't matter at all. What is overall more important is, are you having fun? Are you enjoying the flirting? The interaction? The playfulness? You giving the girl the finger, in the right playful state I can see why you did that, and that's absolutely fine. The problem happens when you do something like that out of context or when you do it as a "trick" or "technique". When RSD talks about congruence they mean essentially acting out how you authentically feel in that moment, whether that feeling is shy, outgoing, funny, sad, etc. Usually when you try to portray an image that you don't feel it does not come off as congruent, and people can sense that. When you flipped off that girl I bet it felt congruent to you, and so it was no big deal, right? Same thing with approaching, conversation, flirting, being physical, etc. This is why I say having vulnerability and humility is good because naturally we are that way with people, and if you are congruent to how you are naturally when talking to women then you will also be vulnerable, etc. This isn't to say you act like a *****, this simply means that you aren't afraid of expressing yourself regardless of what emotion that is, and that's being congruent. When you are congruent and act congruently people can sense that and they know you're real, and it also shows confidence, because only confident people can go into a situation that is typically loud, hectic and stigmatized and remain themselves inside or outside the club. That's attractive to people.

Confidence also comes from the understanding that women like you for who you are: the vulnerable aspects, the honesty, etc. A real man who is attractive to people is not someone who hides himself because he is afraid of what people think, but a real man is someone who isn't afraid to be who he is congruently. This is why what you say doesn't matter as long as you are you congruently, then things will come out naturally/automatically. If the girl doesn't like you while you are who you are congruently then there is NOTHING you can do, and it wasn't based on anything you did. Realizing that all you have to do is be congruent with yourself and be yourself at all times is knowing you are at the top of your game, and the rest is just a number's game.

1. Be congruent with who you are at ALL times
2. Realize that "social momentum" happens every time you go out to interact with women
3. Go in to be congruent with yourself ALL night (if you get an urge to get physical then get physical; say what you want; do what you feel; just make sure you are at least moving forward), build social momentum and make sure to close. You will find you will "warm up" with girls and get more social and social and girls will be easier and easier to talk to with the understanding of social momentum
4. Abundance mind frame (abundance of girls; abundance of approaches throughout the night, week, month, year)
5. Calibrate after the fact (calibrate AFTER you open, AFTER you act)

btw, just found Jeffy's hotseat notes


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I figured it would get a little tiresome. Actually that's a lie, I'm just lazy.  I will cover the bigger moments though, mainly just encourage the rest of the guys. 

I can't for the life of me remember the video, nor which instructor, but they talked about doing everything for themselves. Flipping that girl off was just for my own amusement, I wasn't looking to spark a reaction, it just came through me and I fully expressed myself. 

Zeeshan could do with reading point 4. :\


----------



## rymo

Ahhhhhh so much pick-up artistry in this thread. It makes me both proud and cringe at the same time. But I think the point I agree with the most and possibly the most important thing to keep in mind is just to be calm, natural, and yourself. If you know the rules of the game you can get girls, but doing it without trying is the next step. Being completely comfortable in your skin while you perform amazing feats of confidence that most guys can't pull off is the way to achieve ultimate boss-ness. And you can apply that confidence to any social situation, not just with girls. That is my 2013 goal: to be natural, easy-going, confident without putting unnecessary pressure on myself.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Ahhhhhh so much pick-up artistry in this thread. It makes me both proud and cringe at the same time. But I think the point I agree with the most and possibly the most important thing to keep in mind is just to be calm, natural, and yourself. If you know the rules of the game you can get girls, but doing it without trying is the next step. Being completely comfortable in your skin while you perform amazing feats of confidence that most guys can't pull off is the way to achieve ultimate boss-ness. And you can apply that confidence to any social situation, not just with girls. That is my 2013 goal: to be natural, easy-going, confident without putting unnecessary pressure on myself.


Sometimes we need to put pressure on ourselves though (I see you said "_unnecessary_ pressure" though). And the "not trying" thing can be confused with literally not trying: "when you stop looking you find someone"--this is not good advice for men in particular. Still, I know you know this already, but I just wanted to share this so those who read "not trying" would understand that rymo means don't be try hard; be yourself, BUT you need to push yourself in times of anxiety if fear is what holds you back meeting women. You cannot expect things to happen out of nowhere, especially as a man in the dating scene. I'm sure most guys here haven't done enough, or in the right way, which means they need to do _something_ else, and more often than not that "something" is what is being discussed in this thread.

fyi, i'm not trying to overtake this thread, but i just have the desire to talk about this particular subject. i hope other people are encouraged to write and share their ideas. the more ideas, the more enriched we all become


----------



## FeelNothing

Would I look weird/creepy If I ask a girl I have only talked to once out?


----------



## bsd3355

FeelNothing said:


> Would I look weird/creepy If I ask a girl I have only talked to once out?


no, just as long as you're not creepy doing it


----------



## Hawx79

May seem like a joke but im building my six pack to increase my changes. Ill be ready in a couple months as i almost have it.


----------



## rymo

Hawx79 said:


> May seem like a joke but im building my six pack to increase my changes. Ill be ready in a couple months as i almost have it.


Unless you're picking up girls on the beach with your shirt off, I don't see how working solely on your abs will help attract girls...but I still say go for it if it helps with your confidence. Not to mention it's just good to be healthy and in shape.


----------



## Hawx79

rymo said:


> Unless you're picking up girls on the beach with your shirt off, I don't see how working solely on your abs will help attract girls...but I still say go for it if it helps with your confidence. Not to mention it's just good to be healthy and in shape.


I got really nothing else going for me to attract women. I have a dull personality, no sense of humor and i dont talk much. I am simply


----------



## mezzoforte

Nothing


----------



## rymo

Hawx79 said:


> I got really nothing else going for me to attract women. I have a dull personality, no sense of humor and i dont talk much. I am simply


I'm just saying, you wear a shirt when you approach girls so the abs won't be visible.


----------



## rdrr

rymo said:


> I'm just saying, you wear a shirt when you approach girls so the abs won't be visible.


Wet a tight t-shirt or wear under armour in public.


----------



## Zeeshan

Hawx79 said:


> May seem like a joke but im building my six pack to increase my changes. Ill be ready in a couple months as i almost have it.


Me too I'm lifting as well


----------



## bsd3355

Hawx79 said:


> I got really nothing else going for me to attract women. I have a dull personality, no sense of humor and i dont talk much. I am simply


You may think I'm full of ****, but I sincerely think everyone has something interesting about them. I think how you show people that you are interesting is you express yourself openly to people, whatever that expression may be. You are boring when you don't express who you are openly with people. Some people will like you and some people won't. Don't do it for their sake, but do it for yourself because expression is a human need.


----------



## T-Bone

*"This thread has run it's course"*

Seriously someone needs to shut this thread down.


----------



## rymo

SomebodyWakeME said:


> *"This thread has run it's course"*
> 
> Seriously someone needs to shut this thread down.


k will get right on that


----------



## Zeeshan

I would just start another one


----------



## larmo8

I've realized that I kind of f^cked up two opportunities with girls I met in class last semester. In fact, I may just stop trying to approach girls in class, because I just find it too hard and too stressful and I just can't be bothered, but at the same time I need the practice, so I'm going to at least try to talk to some more, hopefully. I just feel like it's not a very good place to do it. 

What I am really banking on is that I get a job soon, and I can meet girls (and people) there. At a job, I would have more opportunities to regularly converse with the same people, even flirt. Opportunities could open in many ways. Since I'm not going to parties, because I don't actually really have friends (beyond my roommates who are 21) I feel like this is my best shot. Also, I hope a job can start getting me more friends, which can lead to party invites, which then can give me more opportunities to meet girls. Honestly, more than anything I just want people or somewhere to go out with on weekends.

Also, I go to the gym a lot. So that's another plus. Hopefully at least 4-5 times a week this semester.


----------



## BladeRunnerB26354

When I'm ready to start dating again I will:

1. Join 3 or 4 internet dating sites, and if I have fun chatting to some of the girls by email, chat to them on the phone and if that goes well go on dates, if they go well see about a GF.

^ internet dating is a funny thing though as each guy and each girl can pick from 100s of people and it's a given women will be being chased by lots of men, have lots of opportunity, so I'd really want to click in email so I'd know I wasn't just another number they meet up with for a drink and never hear from again.

2. Join clubs that I'm interested in - film clubs, art lessons. See if anyone catches my eye there and if we get on well over time.

3. Go to gigs and burlesque dos with a male friend where a lot of alternative girls go, and alt girls are very much my type.

That's what I've done before and it's been successful. The hardest ingredient is making sure you're in a confident, strong position in your life at the time.

Which for me means lots of vibrant interests and a good job.

GFs have always been a sanctuary from SA for me, it's all the other things in life - male and female colleagues, male acquaintances where I have SA. Those latter areas cause a lot of problems - make office politics really tough, and I avoid making male friends.


----------



## phoenixwright

I'm just getting this feeling that she has lost interest in me since Saturday-ish (2 days after our date). That maybe she met some other guy and the momentum from the last date died out. She seemed eager before. Maybe the date isn't even gonna happen. Or maybe the concerns are just in my head. I don't feel like I'm in a good mindset right now to be going on that date tomorrow morning. Like I have lost that momentum from last week.

If it's just me being crazy and we go on that date tomorrow, should I kiss her (on the lips like last time) when I see her for the second date? Since we broke that barrier at the end of the first date. Or should I only save the kiss at the end of the date?


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I'm just getting this feeling that she has lost interest in me since Saturday-ish (2 days after our date). That maybe she met some other guy and the momentum from the last date died out. She seemed eager before. Maybe the date isn't even gonna happen. Or maybe the concerns are just in my head. I don't feel like I'm in a good mindset right now to be going on that date tomorrow morning. Like I have lost that momentum from last week.
> 
> If it's just me being crazy and we go on that date tomorrow, should I kiss her (on the lips like last time) when I see her for the second date? Since we broke that barrier at the end of the first date. Or should I only save the kiss at the end of the date?


You think too much. I wouldn't worry because when the time comes you act unconsciously so don't waste your time worrying

Go n enjoy.


----------



## phoenixwright

She was seated when i got at the restaurant and she had her back to the wall so she would have been able to get up to hug/kiss me and she didn't. So I didn't have to worry about that.

We had our second date. Don't think it was as good as the first. I wasn't feeling as well mentally. It was still good though. She pried into my relationship past a bit. lol. So I pried into hers a little. Only fair. I wonder if I got vulgar because she brought up American reunion and I brought up that scene where stifles went down on that blowjob girl. An how some of her pubic hair got stuck to his face. lol.

At the end of the date beforI kissed her again. Then she herself initiated a second. Good sign right? While I was walking her to her car she asked me like twice, maybe three times where I parked (not in succession) I was wondering if she was trying to get rid of me. Maybe she didn't hear me the first couple times? If a girl initiates a second kiss, gotta be a good sign right? She's not just doing that to be friendly right?


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> She was seated when i got at the restaurant and she had her back to the wall so she would have been able to get up to hug/kiss me and she didn't. So I didn't have to worry about that.
> 
> We had our second date. Don't think it was as good as the first. I wasn't feeling as well mentally. It was still good though. She pried into my relationship past a bit. lol. So I pried into hers a little. Only fair. I wonder if I got vulgar because she brought up American reunion and I brought up that scene where stifles went down on that blowjob girl. An how some of her pubic hair got stuck to his face. lol.
> 
> At the end of the date I kissed her again. Then she herself initiated a second. Good sign right? While I was walking her to her car she asked me like twice, maybe three times where I parked (not in succession) I was wondering if she was trying to get rid of me. Maybe she didn't hear me the first couple times? If a girl initiates a second kiss, gotta be a good sign right? She's not just doing that to be friendly right?


You are thinking a bit too much. Everything seems fine. If it doesn't work out then you can always meet another girl. Are you still meeting other girls while you are getting to know her? You should.


----------



## phoenixwright

Yea I haven't been messaging other girls. I figure that if I'm kissing other girls, I'm gonna leave at least one or more of them crying. lol. Heartbreaker Phoenix. Though she could be seeing other guys. I have no clue. She didn't mention anything about that. Though she seems pretty busy with the rest of her life so shed have to scramble to make time for it.

It looks like there's gonna be a third date if she initiated that second kiss at the end right? I can't even remember or not if she said that she'll see me again. My memory is a blur. I think she might have? Or maybe not? lol. I wasn't present as **** in that parking lot. Too focused inside my own head.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> It looks like there's gonna be a third date if she initiated that second kiss at the end right?


I just told you you are thinking too much and everything is fine. You are the man, set up a third date if you want. Stop looking for permission for stuff YOU want to do. While I understand wanting support, it comes to a point where you need to practice thinking for yourself. I don't want to answer every single question you have because there are somethings you need to be able to decide for yourself. I'll step away and let others answer your questions for a bit. GL

Over-analyzing things can be a bad thing so be careful not to obsess over this girl.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> I just told you you are thinking too much and everything is fine. You are the man, set up a third date if you want. Stop looking for permission for stuff YOU want to do. While I understand wanting support, it comes to a point where you need to practice thinking for yourself. I don't want to answer every single question you have because there are somethings you need to be able to decide for yourself. I'll step away and let others answer your questions for a bit. GL
> 
> Over-analyzing things can be a bad thing so be careful not to obsess over this girl. You seem like a probable candidate to do that and it will hurt you in the long run


I'm not obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with wanting to get laid. lol. It's hard not to take it personally if it doesn't get to that point with her. Because in my head I feel like I'm cursed and **** like this isn't meant to happen for me. And when it has, the girls were psycho or it didn't work out due to my SA or whatever.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Captain Abundance reporting for duty.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I'm not obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with wanting to get laid. lol. It's hard not to take it personally if it doesn't get to that point with her. Because in my head I feel like I'm cursed and **** like this isn't meant to happen for me. And when it has, the girls were psycho or it didn't work out due to my SA or whatever.


You feel like you're cursed and you over-analyze like mad, but look what's happening right now with this girl. Things are going fine. Just take it easy, keep playing things cool, and it'll work out well.


----------



## Evo1114

I have date #2 with a pretty awesome lady tomorrow night after work. We're just going for dinner. She probably has to work the next day, so I imagine that will be all. If everything goes well, I plan on inviting her to my place on Saturday (for the football game and dinner).

Our first date was almost 2 weeks ago and I popped a anxiety pill beforehand, which almost completely erased my short term memory. So I guess, for me, this is more like date #1 again. Haha.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> You feel like you're cursed and you over-analyze like mad, but look what's happening right now with this girl. Things are going fine. Just take it easy, keep playing things cool, and it'll work out well.


For date #3 should i suggest seeing a movie rental at her place or something? (Do they even have movie rental places anymore? Blockbuster went under! lol) For movies, I just watch them on Netflix via my PS3 connected to my HDTV in my mancave (parents' basement). But I live with the parentals so that's a no go. I wouldn't take a girl there unless she didn't have her own place either.

Or should I do dinner or something instead?


----------



## pete24

Been ages since I posted in this section of the site let alone this thread.

If i'm honest I havent done a single thing to look for women over the past few weeks. 

Got messages on dating sites but cant even be bothered to go on them.

The girl from the date the other week that I slept with is super keen. She does really like me. We met up twice now and on both occasions she stayed over n we had 2 or 3 nights together. Really in 2 minds about her. Her personality is ok, nothing that makes me think shes awesome though. Looks wise is a bit chubby. I like chubby women but this is a bit too chubby (like 2 chins, head sinks into her neck). If she was a bit thinner she would be hot.

She really likes me but im screwed with what I can do. If I tell her I dont think I like her in that way, she will be really upset (hate seeing women who dont deserve it being upset). I feel extra guilty since she doesnt have much money but basically paid for everything on dates... meals, drinks (I offered to pay but she refused and kept slipping my money back in my pocket when I wasnt looking). Also I wont even have her as a friend, we will just never see each other again and she may even think iv used her.

But if I got with her i'm just not gonna be happy all the time, perhaps even ashamed to hold her hand in public


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Just tell her it's not working out. If you're willing to lead women on then the very least you could do is grow some balls and set them straight.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> For date #3 should i suggest seeing a movie rental at her place or something? (Do they even have movie rental places anymore? Blockbuster went under! lol) For movies, I just watch them on Netflix via my PS3 connected to my HDTV in my mancave (parents' basement). But I live with the parentals so that's a no go. I wouldn't take a girl there unless she didn't have her own place either.
> 
> Or should I do dinner or something instead?


I mean I bring girls back to my house and I live with my parents, it's not a big deal. But yeh if there's an option with no parents it's definitely preferable. So yeh just go over and watch a movie at her place. If you have a laptop you can just hook it up to her TV via HDMI or VGA and watch Netflix through that.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> I mean I bring girls back to my house and I live with my parents, it's not a big deal. But yeh if there's an option with no parents it's definitely preferable. So yeh just go over and watch a movie at her place. If you have a laptop you can just hook it up to her TV via HDMI or VGA and watch Netflix through that.


Yeah we could do that. Also I remembered that there are rental movie kiosks (like RedBox. I believe some other company is in that business in Canada as well) that have replaced Blockbuster so there's that option. Netflix is better though. I just have to bring my laptop or PS3.

I don't think I clarified but when she initiated the second kiss on our second date, I mean she leaned forward and readied her lips (basically "the obvious can't miss it signal"). My female friend thinks that this was probably her signalling to me that she wanted more than a peck on the lips I gave her right before. But I just went for a second peck. I don't believe in french kissing in public and it would make me nervous. Especially in broad daylight 1 pm in between two parked cars in a shopping plaza (what you call strip malls in the US I think) parking lot. I've always thought that french kissing in public was taboo but my female friend says that it's not. She sees it all the time apparently (I don't know where she's seeing this because I don't. lol). Having done research online, it seems that a lot of people in North America are of the opinion that french kissing in public is too much PDA. So I found it interesting that my female friend doesn't think so.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Yeah we could do that. Also I remembered that there are rental movie kiosks (like RedBox. I believe some other company is in that business in Canada as well) that have replaced Blockbuster so there's that option. Netflix is better though. I just have to bring my laptop or PS3.
> 
> I don't think I clarified but when she initiated the second kiss on our second date, I mean she leaned forward and readied her lips (basically "the obvious can't miss it signal"). My female friend thinks that this was probably her signalling to me that she wanted more than a peck on the lips I gave her right before. But I just went for a second peck. I don't believe in french kissing in public and it would make me nervous. Especially in broad daylight 1 pm in between two parked cars in a shopping plaza (what you call strip malls in the US I think) parking lot. I've always thought that french kissing in public was taboo but my female friend says that it's not. She sees it all the time apparently. Having done research online, it seems that a lot of people in North America are of the opinion that french kissing in public is too much PDA. So I found it interesting that my female friend doesn't think so.


I dunno man, I don't think it's taboo at all. And if you do it you show the girl that you don't give a **** what's taboo or not. I love kissing a girl in public, french or otherwise, when I'm starting to get to know her. Yes, if it's your girlfriend, it's a bit obnoxious to be smooching every five seconds around people. But at the end of the night, second date with a girl, things are going well...**** man, why the hell not?


----------



## bsd3355

I can't believe someone said this thread has played its course. I love this thread


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> I dunno man, I don't think it's taboo at all. And if you do it you show the girl that you don't give a **** what's taboo or not. I love kissing a girl in public, french or otherwise, when I'm starting to get to know her. Yes, if it's your girlfriend, it's a bit obnoxious to be smooching every five seconds around people. But at the end of the night, second date with a girl, things are going well...**** man, why the hell not?


It wasn't the end of the night though.  Broad daylight. 1pm. The first date was night time.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> It wasn't the end of the night though.  Broad daylight. 1pm. The first date was night time.


Meh same difference. Who cares what people think, go for the smoocheroo.


----------



## deanman

I stopped trying :O nothing like getting in love with a girl that has a boyfriend and she tries to like you back when you declare the love (no she didn't cheat on the boyfriend) 

yet she was confused so she didn't leave the boyfriend for multiple reasons including a daughter, so, since i didn't wanna be a part of a romantic drama, i decided to kick her off and say 
"friends only, if ur life changes overtime and you decide you are better off without him we might discuss our future"

so yeah, yay me, kicking away the girl i love, i dont wanna be a rebound guy anyway...


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Meh same difference. Who cares what people think, go for the smoocheroo.


Doing it in public just freaks me out. It's awkward. Plus I guess I wasn't in as good of a mood mentally on this second date. Plus the whole daylight thing isn't the best for mood.


----------



## Zeeshan

Goddamit almost picked up a cashier grrrr stupid woman showed up.


----------



## Kennnie

not much girls dont really dig me


----------



## phoenixwright

I went ahead and messaged a girl on OKCupid who is mad DTF (we're having a bit of a casual conversation right now) since the one I went on a couple dates with might not be so DTF.

It seems like the girl I went on those dates with wants something serious according to her OKCupid match answers and I don't with her. Relationship-wise, I'm picky. Plus I'm not feeling so well mentally now the past couple days and I'm questioning myself ever since my female friend said that I should have french kissed her at the end of that second date (she says that I didn't blow it but says that I absolutely have to by the third date. Even if it's a public date and not a movie date at her place. Timelines like that just put pressure on me). Doing that in public (especially in broad daylight) is just too awkward for me.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Met a girl in class today. I am not sure if she views me as as friend, a potential boyfriend, or just...someone to talk to.

Either way, I met someone who I could potentially ask out.


----------



## bsd3355

*FR #4*

Briefly went out to the Dusty. Got there around 10pm, which is surprisingly packed. Same place I got four numbers from last week. Was there for about 1hr20mins or so. I haven't been out since friday and I had no urgency to talk to much girls. I did manage to talk to like two or three. Asked some stupid random question, "Is it always this busy in here?"...I mainly just wanted to get into a talkative mood as I realize the more I just chill and watch people the less I want to socialize. Basically, I got pretty bored and bounced without doing anything. None of the girls really wanted to hang around to chat for w/e reason...it wasn't my fault though besides maybe my chilled back vibe...it's a hectic place and I just wasn't that exciting..that's totally understandable.

I kind of like going out not doing **** because it builds some direction, focus and urgency in me. I need pressure sometimes. I'm getting to bored and lackadaisical. I'm not scared, I just honestly don't care that much ATM. Going out and not getting anything done builds some urgency. It also builds direction and where I need to focus my efforts. Tonight I realized I may need to go out more to keep a certain type of pressure and focus on me. Taking nearly 5 days off just kills all sorts of focus and urgency I could have.

It's all good. Feeling good. Got a little bit of urgency. W/e. Build on it. Will try to go out more frequently. Tomorrow is definitely on the list. Goals and game plans keep me focused and excited. I will be thinking of one for tomorrow. Need to be consistent.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I went ahead and messaged a girl on OKCupid who is mad DTF (we're having a bit of a casual conversation right now) since the one I went on a couple dates with might not be so DTF.
> 
> It seems like the girl I went on those dates with wants something serious according to her OKCupid match answers and I don't with her. Relationship-wise, I'm picky. Plus I'm not feeling so well mentally now the past couple days and I'm questioning myself ever since my female friend said that I should have french kissed her at the end of that second date (she says that I didn't blow it but says that I absolutely have to by the third date. Even if it's a public date and not a movie date at her place. Timelines like that just put pressure on me). Doing that in public (especially in broad daylight) is just too awkward for me.


Dude you're doing fine. And most girls are DTF if you play you cards right. God I hate that term tho.

Point is, forget about whether or not her match answers seem to make her out to be the relationship-type. It's what YOU want that matters. And if YOU want to bang her, then you need to escalate things. Kiss > Making Out > etc.... If you just go on date after date with her and simply kiss every time, where's that going to go? What's she going to think? "Oh..this guy wants a relationship! Ahhh...excellent....time to reel him in..." That's not to say you can't get into a relationship if you push things fast physically, but the point is if you just want to bang her you're not going anywhere fast by having these cute little kiss dates. She's not the one taking things slow here! You are!!!


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I went ahead and messaged a girl on OKCupid who is mad DTF (we're having a bit of a casual conversation right now) since the one I went on a couple dates with might not be so DTF.
> 
> It seems like the girl I went on those dates with wants something serious according to her OKCupid match answers and I don't with her. Relationship-wise, I'm picky. Plus I'm not feeling so well mentally now the past couple days and I'm questioning myself ever since my female friend said that I should have french kissed her at the end of that second date (she says that I didn't blow it but says that I absolutely have to by the third date. Even if it's a public date and not a movie date at her place. Timelines like that just put pressure on me). Doing that in public (especially in broad daylight) is just too awkward for me.


The girl you have been on a date with has a high probability she's DTF. You just haven't had the opportunity yet. If she accepts the third date with the movies at her place then it's a green light; all systems go. Rymo is right, make the moves on the third date and escalate.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> Met a girl in class today. I am not sure if she views me as as friend, a potential boyfriend, or just...someone to talk to.
> 
> Either way, I met someone who I could potentially ask out.


Congrats man! Btw it's very rare that a girl thinks of a guy as boyfriend material right after meeting him. Girls like comfort and security and it takes time to build up to that level. That being said, if you continue to talk to her and there seems to be a vibe between you guys, her interest level will certainly rise. Just realize that she doesn't have to be in love with you for you to ask her out on a date - a few conversations is all you really need to ask for her number. Good luck!


----------



## feverfew

I hope I don't sound like a jerk here, but I think maybe phoenix should maybe start his own thread. A majority of the posts lately seem to be either phoenix or replies to him. Some of the other posters seem to get lost in the fray.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Dude you're doing fine. And most girls are DTF if you play you cards right. God I hate that term tho.
> 
> Point is, forget about whether or not her match answers seem to make her out to be the relationship-type. It's what YOU want that matters. And if YOU want to bang her, then you need to escalate things. Kiss > Making Out > etc.... If you just go on date after date with her and simply kiss every time, where's that going to go? What's she going to think? "Oh..this guy wants a relationship! Ahhh...excellent....time to reel him in..." That's not to say you can't get into a relationship if you push things fast physically, but the point is if you just want to bang her you're not going anywhere fast by having these cute little kiss dates. She's not the one taking things slow here! You are!!!


Hey in earlier posts I have said that I wanted to escalate things and then you said don't worry about it I believe. Now you're saying that I should be concerned about it! lol. I have good foresight. I already saw this one coming. I knew that brunch wouldn't lead to anything more physically.

But yeah the issue here I suppose is that I'm allowing her to dictate where this goes. And it seems like she just wants to keep going on these dates where she gets to know me with simple kisses at the end. Meanwhile I want her to invite me to her condo so that I can get some action. Apparently she wants to get married within the next 3 years (according to OkCupid). And she told me that her friends are mostly paired up and it makes things awkward. And she has lots of weddings to go to. My guess is she feels depressed to some extent that lots of her friends are married, engaged, paired up, etc. But yeah I'm not Mr. Right for her. I want to get it in. lol.

Plus when we were talking relationship history, I had admitted to her that I slept with this girl on the first date. I planned the seed in her mind that I'm not exactly a good boy (though the girl I banged on the first date practically gift-wrapped the sex on the first date). She had told me (when I explained that the girl turned out to be a psycho) that this is why it's not a good idea to have sex on the first date. You don't know the person well and the person could end up being psycho or whatever (story of my life. I attract psycho women).

I asked that other girl (the one who is DTF) out for drinks after conversing with her for awhile. She is telling me that she's busy all next week. Won't be available until Wednesday. She agreed on Wednesday evening. Though said she usually doesn't plan a week in advance (I don't either. I usually ask girls if they wanna go on a date the next day but it's not my fault she's that busy. lol. Could be a flake but I really don't care. I can pull dates out of my *** like Houdini. Getting dates has never been my problem I don't think. When I actually bother to try, my message to date conversion rate is pretty good. Though I had to deal with that flake the other day.)


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Hey in earlier posts I have said that I wanted to escalate things and then you said don't worry about it I believe. Now you're saying that I should be concerned about it! lol. I have good foresight. I already saw this one coming. I knew that brunch wouldn't lead to anything more physically.
> 
> But yeah the issue here I suppose is that I'm allowing her to dictate where this goes. And it seems like she just wants to keep going on these dates where she gets to know me with simple kisses at the end. Meanwhile I want her to invite me to her condo so that I can get some action. Apparently she wants to get married within the next 3 years (according to OkCupid). And she told me that her friends are mostly paired up and it makes things awkward. And she has lots of weddings to go to. My guess is she feels depressed to some extent that lots of her friends are married, engaged, paired up, etc. But yeah I'm not Mr. Right for her. I want to get it in. lol.
> 
> I asked that other girl (the one who is DTF) out for drinks after conversing with her for awhile. She is telling me that she's busy all next week. Won't be available until Wednesday. I suggested a date Wednesday evening. She said let me double-check my schedule and get back to you. Blah blah blah. FLAKE. lol. (I shouldn't call her DTF girl if she isn't even DTM: Down to Meet! LOL). Why do girls do that ****? Of course there's always the possibility that she may be telling the truth. But I'm not getting my hopes up.


When I say don't worry about it, I mean...don't WORRY about it lol. I think you need to stop worrying so much about what this girl's doing or what that girl's doing, and just make the moves you believe to be correct. Maybe you don't necessarily know what the best things to do are in each situation, but those are the kinds of things you learn through experience, not by over-analyzing each girl's every single meaningless action. It's great to post your experiences and ask for advice, but I think you put too much stock into the minutia of human interaction, and not enough on making the big moves.

Like I said, I don't care what girl #1 put on her OkCupid profile. Hell, I don't think I've ever looked at any girl's OkCupid answers when I used that site. My ex wanted to get married at 25, she was 22 almost 23 when I met her. Did that stop her from having sex with me after about 4 dates? Nope. Not at all. I GUARANTEE you if you start manning up and escalating with this girl you will get it in. PROVE ME WRONG PLEASE!!!!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

rymo said:


> Congrats man! Btw it's very rare that a girl thinks of a guy as boyfriend material right after meeting him. Girls like comfort and security and it takes time to build up to that level. That being said, if you continue to talk to her and there seems to be a vibe between you guys, her interest level will certainly rise. Just realize that she doesn't have to be in love with you for you to ask her out on a date - a few conversations is all you really need to ask for her number. Good luck!


I don't know if she thought of me as boyfriend material, but she definitely liked me. She was shy with everyone, but not only approached me (the only guy in the class she talked to), but she smiled at me and was frequently looking over at me.

If I didn't feel so insecure over having a cold (my SA gets worse whenever I am sick), I would have asked her for her number.

The only problem I can see is that she is Muslim. I am not anti-Islam, actually am open to it, but I get worried that a Muslim girl's family might not, ah, be so open about it.


----------



## bsd3355

feverfew said:


> I hope I don't sound like a jerk here, but I think maybe phoenix should maybe start his own thread. A majority of the posts lately seem to be either phoenix or replies to him. Some of the other posters seem to get lost in the fray.


I read every post that comes through on this thread


----------



## arnie

Hawx79 said:


> May seem like a joke but im building my six pack to increase my changes. Ill be ready in a couple months as i almost have it.


No one can see your six pack unless you're going to the beach. You should work out your arms instead.


----------



## Zeeshan

Not necessarily how a shirt fits on ur body will def let people know ur physical attributes. Abs will give u a waist line around the mid section


----------



## Hawx79

arnie said:


> No one can see your six pack unless you're going to the beach. You should work out your arms instead.


I got this idea that when I have it and I see a guy and girl, I'm gonna walk up to them and show the girl my abs and say: "Your boyfried don't have this, does he?"


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I'm not going out tonight. I tried to force myself, but my head's heavy, my throat croaky and I feel like death. Fear not, for to make up for this abomination I'm going out all weekend. My main aim for the next couple of weeks is to build up a portfolio of women, which means numbers, numbers and more numbers. I'm in the big city tomorrow so hopefully I'll push myself into some day game.


----------



## Nefury

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I'm not going out tonight. I tried to force myself, but my head's heavy, my throat croaky and I feel like death. Fear not, for to make up for this abomination I'm going out all weekend. My main aim for the next couple of weeks is to build up a portfolio of women, which means numbers, numbers and more numbers. I'm in the big city tomorrow so hopefully I'll push myself into some day game.


What happened to you, man.


----------



## phoenixwright

My ex-girlfriend agreed with me on the no french kissing in public thing. I texted her about my date yesterday and she got back to me. It seems like this is an issue that people are divided on. Though it seems like more people lean towards saying it's not ok than ok.

I remember it really bothered my ex when I french kissed her in public when we were teens. But we had a long-distance relationship and I was determined to kiss her near the end of our date because my sweetie was going to go away in one hour and she lived 5 hours away and I didn't have a car then so I said **** it (not literally like rymo did when he had his first kiss! lol) and just shoved that tongue down her throat. In private, things were a lot more smoother (let's just say she puts out on the first night for guys she really likes) so it's not that she didn't like me. She just wasn't comfortable with french kissing in public. And lots of women aren't.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Rossy said:


> I know I am not sure yet,she's a nice girl but not the look I am attracted too. I dont want that to sound harsh she looks fine just not the kind I would automatically go for.


i wouldnt worry about it like that bro, if u get along then go have some fun...


----------



## Rossy

We get along really well,she said I am and qoute "pretty Damn hot" she is wanting me to come over to hers on Saturday


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Nefury said:


> What happened to you, man.


I'm guessing the answer isn't that I spent too much time outside without a coat?


----------



## komorikun




----------



## StevenGlansberg

Inviting one over!!!




...she's out of town.


----------



## phoenixwright

Just asked the girl for date three *fingers crossed* She kinda put me on the spot because she suggested we see a movie when I asked her if she's up for date three. So then I asked her if she wants to go to theatres or stay in. And she said she wants to see an Oscar nominee. ****. There is *one* that is on DVD/Blu-Ray and the plot is boring (Beasts of the Southern Wild). So she's basically forcing me to see a movie with her in the theatres without directly saying it. And then it's gonna be another peck at the end of the date and no condo invite. I know it! lol. This is such bull****. It was a good idea for me to branch out and message a second girl. Because it looks like this first girl isn't going to give it up to me anytime soon.

DTF girl seems keen on meeting. I thought she was being flaky by saying she was busy until Wednesday. But then she initiated conversation, including date talk with me today. She seems keen. She's taking initiative with planning the date.

If it wasn't for social anxiety disorder and being socially awkward, I would be getting laid so much. This second girl is guaranteed sex on the first night. DTF through the charts. And I wouldn't be surprised that the reason why she is so busy is because she is hooking up with multiple guys on OKCupid. Women should be doing that more often. It pisses me off whenever you hear about some alpha male douchebag hogging and playing all these women while each woman stays dedicated to him. If guys can **** around, why not women?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

The issue I have is that I am not social enough to get anywhere with girls. Even if I were gay, I'd get nowhere with guys.

I'm hoping to break out of my shell in 2013.


----------



## bsd3355

*FR #5*

Just came back from downtown by where I live. Feeling pretty good. A little buzzed. You know, it's funny, not too many girls where I live but somehow I manage . We have the hipster bar called the Zephyr where I live. The place doesn't even get busy till 12:30am on Thursday, but being I've decided to go out regularly I got there around 11:30. So I'm hanging out, drinking on my second beer. These girls to my right are talking loudly. Eventually, one of them says, "I'm too old. I'm 25!" or something like that, so I say, "Omg. Sooooo old" (sarcastically). I guess that was enough for her because a minute later she excuses herself from her friends and parks herself to my left in an empty bar stool and start ****ing talking to me lol. I'm like, awesome, I have someone to talk to now.

We start talking about stuff and conversation in total probably lasts 30 minutes or so. She's cool, a runner, and a "DD" driver for her friends. A lot of qualifying on her end. A lot of questions. She mentions how she's single. I mention that she likes me. She doesn't disagree. I get her number. Totally solid. I will see her again. She 100% likes me and wants to see me again.

It's amazing how it works. If I lived in cleveland or a bigger town I couldn't tell you how amazing that would be. I live in a town where the girl/guy ratio that goes to bars is like 10/1--it's ridiculous, BUT I still manage. Idk, man...weird.

I talked to like 2 other girls but it was quick and random. One was by a fish tank and I just started talking about fish but she was with dudes so no go. There's nothing here. Nothing tonight at least.

I saw the girl that liked me at a another bar around 1:30am. I said hey and stuff. Idk, will see what happens, but I hope to God more girls show up because this is ridiculous. Oh yeah, I grabbed some other girls heels and she had then sticking out where I was trying to walk. It was a mixed set. The dudes didn't care. I should of stayed in there and at least got some numbers but I bailed early.

School starts up Monday. I can't wait. This town is dead.

Feeling good. Tomorrow again I'll be at it. Will see what happens. :boogiePretty definite this girl is down to hang out again.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Just asked the girl for date three *fingers crossed* She kinda put me on the spot because she suggested we see a movie when I asked her if she's up for date three. So then I asked her if she wants to go to theatres or stay in. And she said she wants to see an Oscar nominee. ****. There is *one* that is on DVD/Blu-Ray and the plot is boring (Beasts of the Southern Wild). So she's basically forcing me to see a movie with her in the theatres without directly saying it. And then it's gonna be another peck at the end of the date and no condo invite. I know it! lol. This is such bull****. It was a good idea for me to branch out and message a second girl. Because it looks like this first girl isn't going to give it up to me anytime soon.
> 
> DTF girl seems keen on meeting. I thought she was being flaky by saying she was busy until Wednesday. But then she initiated conversation, including date talk with me today. She seems keen. She's taking initiative with planning the date.
> 
> If it wasn't for social anxiety disorder and being socially awkward, I would be getting laid so much.


You shouldn't of mentioned anything about a theater. You should of just said something like, "We should rent a movie and watch it"....none of this..."well, would you rather go to a theater or rent a movie?" stuff. If you end up failing and going to a theater movie then try to get her back to her place later on at least. You're killing me Smalls. ;P


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> You shouldn't of mentioned anything about a theater. You should of just said something like, "We should rent a movie and watch it"....none of this..."well, would you rather go to a theater or rent a movie?" stuff. If you end up failing and going to a theater movie then try to get her back to her place later on at least. You're killing me Smalls. ;P


She wanted to see an Oscar nominee. So that is defacto theatre. If she really wanted to fool around at her place, she wouldn't have picked theatre.

Honestly it seems like this girl is dating me with the intention of a long-term relationship. Unless she asks me to swing by her place afterwards. Rymo ****ing called it. She wants to "reel me in". She wants to get married within 3 years and I get the sense she feels depressed that her friends are all married, engaged or otherwise paired up. She's 29 and entering *that* stage.

My female friend said that movie theatres are a great chance to get intimate too. Putting your arm around a girl or holding hands. But she's ****ing 29 and I'm 27. This isn't highschool sappy bull**** time anymore. If I put my arm around her or hold hands with her, she's gonna think I'm too emotional or clingy or whatever (though it's possible that she loves all that lovey dovey stuff even at her age. Who knows). And that is pretty ****ing far from the truth! lol.

I haven't closed myself off to the possibility of a relationship with her. But I feel like I'd need to sleep with her before I can tell if that's something I want with her. There is legitimate physical chemistry there. But I can't see myself in a committed relationship with her. I don't look at her like I looked at the last girl I had feelings for. When you look at a girl and think to yourself, "I wanna get wifed up" (it's more than just about looks. It's a combination of things).


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> She wanted to see an Oscar nominee. So that is defacto theatre. If she really wanted to fool around at her place, she wouldn't have picked theatre.
> 
> Honestly it seems like this girl is dating me with the intention of a long-term relationship. Unless she asks me to swing by her place afterwards. Rymo ****ing called it. She wants to "reel me in". She wants to get married within 3 years and I get the sense she feels depressed that her friends are all married, engaged or otherwise paired up. She's 29 and entering *that* stage.
> 
> My female friend said that movie theatres are a great chance to get intimate too. Putting your arm around a girl or holding hands. But she's ****ing 29 and I'm 27. This isn't highschool sappy bull**** time anymore. If I put my arm around her or hold hands with her, she's gonna think I'm too emotional or clingy or whatever (though it's possible that she loves all that lovey dovey stuff even at her age. Who knows). And that is pretty ****ing far from the truth! lol.
> 
> I haven't closed myself off to the possibility of a relationship with her. But I feel like I'd need to sleep with her before I can tell if that's something I want with her. There is legitimate physical chemistry there. But I can't see myself in a committed relationship with her. I don't look at her like I looked at the last girl I had feelings for. When you look at a girl and think to yourself, "I wanna get wifed up" (it's more than just about looks. It's a combination of things).


You keep making all these excuses why you can't make out with her. It's weird. #1 you should have just said "let's watch a movie at your place" and then brought dances with ****ing wolves, that's an Oscar movie. #2 I didn't say she's trying to reel you in. I said you're letting her reel you in (or at least that's what I meant). #3 make out with her already! Who cares if she's 29? What are these rules you keep making up about what you can and can't do? Just suck it up and make out in the theater. What is it with you man? There seem to be 3 possibilities:

1. You're nervous about making a move. SA and all that. Maybe fear of intimacy because of your inability to get off during sex. Just pushing things off. Totally understandable, but great opportunity to work on those things. Next time SAY WHAT YOU WANNA DO, stop letting her dictate the pace of things and where you guys go for a date.

2. You're not attracted to her. Man if I were attracted to a girl and she kissed me on the first date I would be all over that on the second date.

3. You really like her deep down. You're taking things slow because you want something serious to develop and you're nervous you might screw it up if you do something too bold.

So, which one is it?


----------



## phoenixwright

I can't just make out with her in the theatre. lol. We're watching an Oscar nominee that she wants to see. She'd actually want to pay attention I'm sure. And things like holding hands or putting my arm around her sounds so high school-esque.

I'm pretty positive this girl would not have been cool with a rental if she asked for an Oscar nominee. I doubt past years counts.  A woman is not just some object that you use to further your own goals. What she wants actually matters.

My female friend even suggested that I ask her if she wants to see something in theatres or stay in so as to not put pressure on the girl.

This girl is a ****ing therapist (lol). If she wants to get more physical, she will create that opportunity for me. She doesn't seem interested in doing that.

My female friend thinks that this girl does not follow the 3 date rule and that she is deliberately dating me slowly because she wants to get to know me (it doesn't help that she's a therapist. They're really into psychoanalyzing people and ****) with the intention of finding something long-term. Typically it's 3-5 dates until sex. Sometimes girls are 6+. Somehow I feel like it's not going to get to sex by date 5. lol. Hence why I set up a date with that second girl, who actually is DTF.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I can't just make out with her in the theatre. lol. We're watching an Oscar nominee that she wants to see. She'd actually want to pay attention I'm sure. And things like holding hands or putting my arm around her sounds so high school-esque.
> 
> I'm pretty positive this girl would not have been cool with a rental if she asked for an Oscar nominee. I doubt past years counts.  A woman is not just some object that you use to further your own goals. What she wants actually matters.
> 
> My female friend even suggested that I ask her if she wants to see something in theatres or stay in so as to not put pressure on the girl.
> 
> This girl is a ****ing therapist (lol). If she wants to get more physical, she will create that opportunity for me. She doesn't seem interested in doing that.
> 
> My female friend thinks that this girl does not follow the 3 date rule and that she is deliberately dating me slowly because she wants to get to know me (it doesn't help that she's a therapist. They're really into psychoanalyzing people and ****) with the intention of finding something long-term. Typically it's 3-5 dates until sex. Sometimes girls are 6+. Somehow I feel like it's not going to get to sex by date 5. lol. Hence why I set up a date with that second girl, who actually is DTF.


You're right, she's not an object - but that doesn't mean you can't suggest that you watch a movie at her place lol. And I'm sorry man, but you create your own opportunities to get physical with a girl, you don't wait for every star in the sky to align perfectly. If she didn't want you to get more physical, she wouldn't have kissed you. We're not talking about diving into sex, we're just talking about a make out for Christ's sake lol. You're right though, the way you are handling things sex will not happen with this girl for quite a while.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


>


hahaha

I had a guy come up to my work that looked like those guys and sounded like those guys talking to me randomly about the girls in NYC. It was funny. He was like, "No munnie, no hunnie"....haha it was funny as hell

Guys do this **** to themselves. They are actually doing well and then do something stupid. It's hilarious


----------



## phoenixwright

My female friend suggested an evening movie date to increase the odds that shed invite me to her condo. The movie is playing around 4:25 and 8:10. It's 2 hours 37 mins. I would suggest 8:10 but if its a work night I can see her saying that she's tired when the movie ends around 11. If we do 4:25, the movie would end past 7 pm. Would I still likely get a condo invite after?

Also should I aim for as early as Sunday or Monday? I bet she's got something going on with friends tonight or tomorrow and its too soon. We need sufficient time apart so that we have **** to talk about right?


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> My female friend suggested an evening movie date to increase the odds that shed invite me to her condo. The movie is playing around 4:25 and 8:10. It's 2 hours 37 mins. I would suggest 8:10 but if its a work night I can see her saying that she's tired when the movie ends around 11. If we do 4:25, the movie would end past 7 pm. Would I still likely get a condo invite after?
> 
> Also should I aim for as early as Sunday or Monday? I bet she's got something going on with friends tonight or tomorrow and its too soon. We need sufficient time apart so that we have **** to talk about right?


Too soon, too weird, too much. More rules with you :/

If you want to hang out with her tomorrow, invite her to do something. If you want to hang out at her place, suggest it. If you want to do more than peck her lips, DO IT!


----------



## bsd3355

Phoenixwright, I either read or heard once before that a man faces thousands of rejections per girl he decides to date or w/e. These are possible rejections, occurring from the rejection of approach, to date, kiss, call, etc., etc., etc.. The reason I bring this up is because eventually you have to realize that dating is about taking risks. If you aren't taking risks then you aren't dating. With that said, you should start stepping up the "risks" you want to do with this girl. Do I mean you _HAVE_ to sleep with her given a certain amount of time, no. What I'm saying is that if there is _something *you* want to do_, as a man, it is almost always your job to take those risks that are required when dating. So think about WHAT YOU WANT to do (a kiss, sex, friendly dating, w/e) and once you know what it is you want to do take that risks and do it because YOU want to do it. The cool part about being a man in the dating scene is that we have the luxury to be that one who is expected to make the moves. A lot of women won't do it for a multitude of reasons, and that's fine. Some will though. Regardless, if you want to make out with this girl then you have to take that risk eventually, and it's the third date, so I say do it even if you are nervous about it. You should respect a woman's decision, but you also need to do it for your sake.

Regardless, this is way too much thinking for this girl._* If you want to make out with her then do it and stop making excuses; stop wondering "what if" and just freakin' do it!*_ Rejection means nothing, and you should feel pressure to do something by now. There are plenty other fish in the sea. Abundance, my friend. It does not matter what happens.

Time to step it up dude


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> We get along really well,she said I am and qoute "pretty Damn hot" she is wanting me to come over to hers on Saturday





StevenGlansberg said:


> Inviting one over!!!
> 
> ...she's out of town.


If you want, keep us posted! Awesome stuff



WintersTale said:


> The issue I have is that I am not social enough to get anywhere with girls. Even if I were gay, I'd get nowhere with guys.
> 
> I'm hoping to break out of my shell in 2013.


How do you feel about meeting women during the day or night time in person?


----------



## phoenixwright

I want to make out with her. But it's awkward in public. It's not due to lack of attraction. 

A part of me almost wants to tell her at the end of the night that I want to go further but I don't do well in front of an audience. lol


----------



## Hawx79

Im not going to do anything in awhile, i give up!


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I want to make out with her. But it's awkward in public. It's not due to lack of attraction.
> 
> A part of me almost wants to tell her at the end of the night that I want to go further but I don't do well in front of an audience. lol


Dude no one's watching you. What are you afraid of? Someone judging you for making out with a girl? Wtf? At the very least just make out with her at the end in the parking lot when you walk her back to her car, no one is around.


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok **** it ill go for it. If she's not comfortable with doing it in public, it's not like she's gonna stop seeing me. I'm not gonna like jab my tongue down her throat right off the bat or anything.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Is anyone else imagining Rymo ripping his hair out? lol


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Rejection means nothing, and you should feel pressure to do something by now. There are plenty other fish in the sea. Abundance, my friend. It does not matter what happens.


I really wish I could get into your abundance mindset to get over my current oneitis.

I know it's just a reoccurring thinking pattern I need to break out of, but that's not really easy for me.


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> I really wish I could get into your abundance mindset to get over my current oneitis.
> 
> I know it's just a reoccurring thinking pattern I need to break out of, but that's not really easy for me.


It has always been extremely hard for me to get into an abundance mind frame when I'm not taking action. When you are actually going out there and meeting people then I think this is what is a big contributor to the mindset.

Btw, that girl I thought was really into me last night, she hasn't texted me back after the initial text and it's been like two hours so that's kind of strange. I know for certain she was interested. Regardless, if I don't see her again that's fine and it's part of the process. Will be going out again tonight and I honestly don't care that much. I'll text her one more time tomorrow during the afternoon and if she still doesn't respond then I'll move on.

I also texted the girls from cleveland I met. The one I thought was really pretty didn't respond at all. The other one responded but I knew she wasn't going to come out where I live anytime soon. She said "she'd let me know" and her vibe I knew she wouldn't let me know; of course, she didn't let me know  I had a couple other numbers from that night as well but one was her friend and the other I hardly can't remember what happened to that number tbh

Can't WAIT for school starting MONDAAAAAYYYYYYY!!


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Ok **** it ill go for it. If she's not comfortable with doing it in public, it's not like she's gonna stop seeing me. I'm not gonna like jab my tongue down her throat right off the bat or anything.


Yeah, even if it's uncalibrated and feels weird, I still think it'll be a "good" experience for you.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, even if it's uncalibrated and feels weird, I still think it'll be a "good" experience for you.


I worry about it coming off as awkward. When I get nervous sometimes my teeth will clash with theirs (lol) or we'll be uncoordinated. Or my teeth will accidentally graze them. lol I have to be relaxed to French kiss or make out. Same with sex. Making out in public is the most awkward. At least with sex there's privacy but I get really nervous with that too obviously.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

We've got several pages riding on this kiss now.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I worry about it coming off as awkward. When I get nervous sometimes my teeth will clash with theirs (lol) or we'll be uncoordinated. Or my teeth will accidentally graze them. lol I have to be relaxed to French kiss or make out. Same with sex. Making out in public is the most awkward. At least with sex there's privacy but I get really nervous with that too obviously.


Hence going for it...to reduce that anxiety, overcome your fears, and become a boss.



jayjaythejetplane said:


> Is anyone else imagining Rymo ripping his hair out? lol


haha...what hair???



Hawx79 said:


> Im not going to do anything in awhile, i give up!


Giving up implies you've been trying recently - what have you done recently in regards to talking to a girl?


----------



## phoenixwright

This girl is a therapist too. I shouldn't be so freaked out. She probably may have already caught on that I have social anxiety.

And to be fair, I am making the assumption that she wouldn't invite me to her condo after date 3. She might. She probably didn't for date 2 because I had to be at the doctors in 1 hour 15 mins and it was a long drive. After all women have needs too right? Women want to make out, fool around and have sex too if they like a guy. So maybe I'm worrying about nothing


----------



## Rossy

Well just got back from an unexpected first date kinda thing,ended up at her place for about 6 hours and I did feel comfortable. I left at 1 30 am because I was really starting to feel tired but I have a strong feeling she wanted me to stay over for the night  She said she had a good night as did I which is the main thing.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> Well just got back from an unexpected first date kinda thing,ended up at her place for about 6 hours and I did feel comfortable. I left at 1 30 am because I was really starting to feel tired but I have a strong feeling she wanted me to stay over for the night  She said she had a good night as did I which is the main thing.


Awesome, now never ***** about being asexual and a loner again. I look forward to further developments.


----------



## bsd3355

I think it's interesting how even though I am at least 90% certain that at least two of the girls I've spoken to recently at the bars clearly liked me--one even saying she's single and she's interested in dating--didn't respond to my texts. Granted, one of those girls was from like 40 minutes away, but still.

The only reason I bring this up is because I know without tooting my on horn that these girls liked me on that level but I think there's a lot to say about stigmas related to bars and men in bars. The one girl I talked to last night had it in her head that men are only after sex when they go to bars, she said. It's sad in a way because people are like ****ing sheep. Sure, I can understand having experienced this a few times would make you think that it's true, but it's stupid in my mind to generalize so concretely on something like that. It's like, people just make it harder on themselves than it should be. It's not my fault. It's theirs. It's their problem. And I feel like if you want to be that close minded to not answer my texts when you were clearly interested is stupid if that was the reason, and I think that has a lot to do with it.

I'm not bitter, nor am I upset, but I think it's interesting and kind of sad when it's clear you are interested in someone and to let something like a stigma influence their decisions. I guess I'm not surprised. This is assuming on my part, but I think it's a pretty accurate assumption given the circumstance. At least it shifts out the close-minded ones. I don't like them anyway 

All in all, I find recently that as I start to go out and socialize with lots of girls, the less I care about the little things: my looks, rejections, reactions, outcomes, etc., and overall I'm excited about the future; however, it may be a combination of a lot of things (mental health, actions, resources, etc), but I am almost certain action is a key ingredient. I feel like a boss and I feel like I deserve it. I think there is something to be understood from taking a certain amount of action. It's not deception on my part; I think it's somewhat natural and HEALTHY to be in the mindset I currently have regardless of the circumstance. I want to take note of it.

I also am beginning to clearly see the big differences between going out during the day and night time environments to meet girls. It's been something I've known consciously for a while, but I think it's more poignant now. I think night party environments have many pros and some cons, but overall both day and night work for their own reasons. I think if you do both then you'll be very well-rounded, which is something I plan on doing this year. I am going to really amp it up this year and take it far.

Side note: wanted to go out bad tonight but car is in the shop till tomorrow again


----------



## Rossy

rymo said:


> Awesome, now never ***** about being asexual and a loner again. I look forward to further developments.


I know I must have been in a negative mood for awhile. I still need to come out of me shell a little shy but I am still fairly New too all this. She kept getting closer and close to me,I do think she actually likes me.


----------



## Hawx79

rymo said:


> Giving up implies you've been trying recently - what have you done recently in regards to talking to a girl?


I fall in love very quickly because of my desperation. All a woman has to do is be nice and caring to me and bam, im in love!....I always feel the need to cry afterwards because i know its only one sided.


----------



## phoenixwright

I suggested Sunday 4:30-ish for the movie. She's meeting friends in the afternoon. She wants to do around 7. So I gotta track down a theatre that is playing it around then. The 8:10 showing would be pretty late considering its a long *** movie and she likely has work early next morning.

I hate how God conspires to screw me over. Honestly it's of my opinion that if a girl digs a guy, she's not going to mind depriving herself of sleep a little to invite a guy over to her place afterwards and hang out/fool around with him a bit. Women are sexual beings too. Selective yes. But if they like a guy, they will want to sleep with him and sleep with him frequently. PUA teaches guys to be more forceful and to assume that women are completely passive and the guy has to make all the moves. And rymo and bwidger, you guys seem to follow that school of thought. But women are sexual too and if she wants sex, that apartment invite is coming. If it's not coming, she's going to want to take **** slooowww and I'll be left with blue balls (that's where girl #2 comes in).

My female friend thinks that this girl is **** testing me to see if I'm actually serious or not and that she wants to settle down now now that she's approaching 30 and seeing all her friends get married/engaged/otherwise shacked up. She wants to see if I'll lose patience with her and stop texting her.

Just look at the Rossy situation. Girl invited him to her place and he's got serious SA. Women are not completely passive. Rossy is doing good.


----------



## AussiePea

Rossy said:


> I know I must have been in a negative mood for awhile. I still need to come out of me shell a little shy but I am still fairly New too all this. She kept getting closer and close to me,I do think she actually likes me.


A girl would never invite you back to hers if she did not like you, a lot, imo (and this does not seem like some one night fling she is after, which is great). Keep up the good work and just be yourself, clearly it is working!!

Got myself a date this upcoming week with a girl I have been chatting to on eharmony. Very cute, very well written and also seems quite active and positive. Excited about this one, time will tell!


----------



## Rossy

AussiePea said:


> A girl would never invite you back to hers if she did not like you, a lot, imo (and this does not seem like some one night fling she is after, which is great). Keep up the good work and just be yourself, clearly it is working!!
> 
> Got myself a date this upcoming week with a girl I have been chatting to on eharmony. Very cute, very well written and also seems quite active and positive. Excited about this one, time will tell!


I know she has been wanting me over for a few weeks now aol I thought what the he'll and went. I am not the type to do one night stands nor am I just after sex that's not my style at all. It was just nice to spend some time with her,I feel comfortable around her which is a good thing.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I suggested Sunday 4:30-ish for the movie. She's meeting friends in the afternoon. She wants to do around 7. So I gotta track down a theatre that is playing it around then. The 8:10 showing would be pretty late considering its a long *** movie and she likely has work early next morning.
> 
> I hate how God conspires to screw me over. Honestly it's of my opinion that if a girl digs a guy, she's not going to mind depriving herself of sleep a little to invite a guy over to her place afterwards and hang out/fool around with him a bit. Women are sexual beings too. Selective yes. But if they like a guy, they will want to sleep with him and sleep with him frequently. PUA teaches guys to be more forceful and to assume that women are completely passive and the guy has to make all the moves. And rymo and bwidger, you guys seem to follow that school of thought. But women are sexual too and if she wants sex, that apartment invite is coming. If it's not coming, she's going to want to take **** slooowww and I'll be left with blue balls (that's where girl #2 comes in).
> 
> My female friend thinks that this girl is **** testing me to see if I'm actually serious or not and that she wants to settle down now now that she's approaching 30 and seeing all her friends get married/engaged/otherwise shacked up. She wants to see if I'll lose patience with her and stop texting her.
> 
> Just look at the Rossy situation. Girl invited him to her place and he's got serious SA. Women are not completely passive. Rossy is doing good.


When i talk about women hardly making moves i mean in the beginning. I agree with what s you said about women wanting sex. If a girl wants to hang with you then she'll sacrifice sleep, yes. It's just like a good friend, but female and you have sex with these friends


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> I know I must have been in a negative mood for awhile. I still need to come out of me shell a little shy but I am still fairly New too all this. She kept getting closer and close to me,I do think she actually likes me.


Dating is tough for most ppl i think. It's mainly perspective though. Being a negative nancy is nothing new to this site. This is why it is a support site. But for the record, im not here to stroke anyone's ego. This is a good place for guidance and support


----------



## phoenixwright

She just informed that she remembered she had an interview in the am the next morning so she wants to reschedule for Thursday.

**** I'm getting some serious blue balls here. lol. However she's not working early the next morning that night. So when the movie ends around 11-ish, maybe she'll invite me over to her place. Though I could see her feeling guilty about the fact that it would be a late night for me since she knows I work a standard M-F 9-5 (I actually start 8:30). Though I would rather go into work the next morning feeling tired and getting some action (at this point it doesn't have to be anything more than making out on the couch. If I'm at least getting invited to her place and making out with her by the end of this date, I'm happy) that night than go home with my dick in my hand and getting to work feeling not tired.

The other girl is going to meet me Wednesday night. So two dates back to back. Like a boss. lol. 

Seriously if I put more effort, I would be just lining them up. But I don't know if I can handle juggling three or more girls (lol). I work full-time. I go out with friends twice a week (and if I didn't do that, I'd have nothing to talk about with girls since my life would just be work and playing videogames, surfing the internet, watching tv/movies/anime and reading. Even now I find that my social life, even if I have one, is so routine that it's boring to talk about with girls). I volunteer 2-4 hours/week sometimes (not every week). And I'm getting these dates. My dad was already *****ing at me commenting that I go out so much that I must be racking up lots of mileage (I have to get an oil change/maintenance every 6,000 km/4 months, whichever comes first. So if I'm driving more than 1,500 km/month, I'm going to have to take in my car for maintenance more frequently. At the end of the day though, cars are meant to be used. Not sitting there parked) and burning lots of gas with my car (it's my car but he still chastises me like a child when he feels that I make poor life decisions).


----------



## DubnRun

where do you even find a girl.


----------



## stoolie

Am I the only one who thinks that this thread became a 'help phoenixwright get laid' thread?

It's great that you're dating a girl, but complaining about blue balls instead of enjoying spending time with her should belong in a PUA forum.
I think that rymo intended this thread to help guys meet women and dating some of them.

Yes, I also believe that girls want to have sex, I never experienced it, but I believe it. Nonetheless shouldn't this thread be solely focused on how to get laid.

Otherwise I need to cancel my subscription of this thread.


----------



## bsd3355

Pheonixwright can post w/e he wants. No one is prohibiting anyone. If u dont want to read then dont. It's not like anyone else is saying much


----------



## phoenixwright

stoolie said:


> Am I the only one who thinks that this thread became a 'help phoenixwright get laid' thread?
> 
> It's great that you're dating a girl, but complaining about blue balls instead of enjoying spending time with her should belong in a PUA forum.
> I think that rymo intended this thread to help guys meet women and dating some of them.
> 
> Yes, I also believe that girls want to have sex, I never experienced it, but I believe it. Nonetheless shouldn't this thread be solely focused on how to get laid.
> 
> Otherwise I need to cancel my subscription of this thread.


I enjoy spending time with her. But we're at date #3 already, I have needs and I'm anxious about the possibility that it's not going to happen anytime soon. Or that we're going to be able to progress physically. Most couples decide to have sex within date 3-5. Say what you want but sexual compatibility is a very important part in a relationship. And the more that women delay sex, the greater the possibility for dissappointment down the road if we're incompatible. Even Komorikun (a woman) has said that she can't hold out for more than 3 dates because it would dissappoint her greatly to invest so much time into a guy only to find that he doesn't please her in bed or that they are not sexually compatible.

Honestly though let's look at it through a sober perspective here. It's only been 2 dates thus far and the second date was just pure bad timing. With the whole brunch thing and me having to see the doctor afterwards. She might invite me to her place on date three and if so, I will look back at this thread and laugh off all my concerns. Brunch doesn't exactly set the mood for anything. At 10:30 at night after our first date, I could sense some sexual tension between us. But not at 1pm on the second date. I was not in the mood. I was horny kissing her at 10:30 at night (imagine if open-mouth). But at 1pm, it doesn't have that affect. It's just a sign of affection.


----------



## rymo

stoolie said:


> Am I the only one who thinks that this thread became a 'help phoenixwright get laid' thread?
> 
> It's great that you're dating a girl, but complaining about blue balls instead of enjoying spending time with her should belong in a PUA forum.
> I think that rymo intended this thread to help guys meet women and dating some of them.
> 
> Yes, I also believe that girls want to have sex, I never experienced it, but I believe it. Nonetheless shouldn't this thread be solely focused on how to get laid.
> 
> Otherwise I need to cancel my subscription of this thread.


Phoenix is quite stubborn and I find that he is not as introspective in these situations as would be beneficial for him. He also over-analyzes every little detail - which is understandable with SA but I would encourage him to work on that, and heavily. I am not trying to criticize, but it's always the same things over and over and it does get tiring. I do often feel like no one's advice gets through to him and we get a series of overly bitter posts blaming society and women and now god for his "problems".

Wake up Phoenix! You are talking to multiple girls. You have someone who likes you. You are doing well. Stop being so negative and GO FOR THE RIDE for once. See where things take you, and then when things get really hairy you come here and ask for advice, or if things go well you share your awesome experience to inspire others. I'm not going to say you're not allowed to keep posting what you're posting, but 7 million posts about setting up a third date is not beneficial for anyone, and certainly not for YOU.

You need to start focusing on the positives and what you're doing RIGHT, as well as fixing the things you're doing WRONG without placing the blame on anyone else. My advice for this situation stands, and firmly: I do not believe women are always passive, but when it comes to sex, many girls want to uphold a lady-like image and won't necessarily make the first move (i.e. inviting you over). You need to be more bold. I'm not saying things won't work out the way you're doing things (eventually...lawl), but you constantly complain about how she's just reeling you in and yet you refuse to do anything about it! I GUARANTEE, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if you try to make out with her, in public or otherwise, she will respond positively. If you invite her over or suggest doing something at her place, assuming she has time she will respond positively. If you just go for it and push past all these little worries, she will respond positively - because that will show her you're a boss and that you can handle a woman. Don't knock it 'till you try it.


----------



## Sourdog

Is it true that if you dont have sex by the time your 30, your testicles fall off into a parrellel universe infested with testicle eating pigs?


----------



## Gryffindor85

Saving up money to go to Reno and see a legal, regulated prostitute.

I have like no interest in bothering with a relationship anymore.


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Is it true that if you dont have sex by the time your 30, your testicles fall off into a parrellel universe infested with testicle eating pigs?


20, actually.


----------



## Rossy

I am half way to having another date with this girl next weekend which I am genuinely looking forward too,maybe go to pubs ect. I think she is really after a piece of Rossy,I noticed she kept looking at me and running her eyes up and down my body last night.


----------



## stoolie

rymo said:


> 20, actually.


Hmm, weird. The last time I looked they were still there.  --->


----------



## Sourdog

Rossy said:


> I am half way to having another date with this girl next weekend which I am genuinely looking forward too,maybe go to pubs ect. I think she is really after a piece of Rossy,I noticed she kept looking at me and running her eyes up and down my body last night.


Man, she totally wants your little Rossy.


----------



## FoundAndLost1

Nothing. I think I'm just gonna stay single for now and save my money lol.


----------



## Rossy

Sourdog said:


> Man, she totally wants your little Rossy.


Nothing little about me.


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> Nothing little about me.


Look at that, confidence in spades all of a sudden. Good for you, man.


----------



## Sourdog

Rossy said:


> Nothing little about me.


Haha! Touche


----------



## phoenixwright

Some older woman in my support group just asked me for my number. ROFL

My luck is turning around. What is going on here exactly?


----------



## Rossy

Well I told her that I need to repay her for Friday night ie a second date and she is very up for it,still deciding what to do but I will think of something.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Had an absolute blast tonight.  I'll expand upon this further tomorrow, but getting lost in my own fun could prove to be a eureka moment.


----------



## bsd3355

Busy night but unfocused for me. Putting things into perspective and need to step it up when I go out. Still feeling good


----------



## Anxietyriddled

I'm gonna start soon! kissless 24 yr old virgin lol and no job lol I have no idea how I can pull it off with out them picking up that I pretty much have no life. Or If I get a panic attack and my heart starts racing. Reading The mystery method and Rules of the game right now both are very good I recommend. I'm going to write out some personality stories for myself and some notes, a cheat sheet so to speak


----------



## Rossy

I think this next weekend could be very interesting indeed especially with what she's been saying today


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> I think this next weekend could be very interesting indeed especially with what she's been saying today


Happy 4 you bro


----------



## Aaron32

lol, im hopeless


----------



## Zeeshan

Aaron32 said:


> lol, im hopeless


You are what you think u r


----------



## phoenixwright

If you have SA, would you recommend not messaging girls who put on their profile that they can't date someone who was quiet and couldn't carry a conversation? I'm not always quiet. But I am inconsistent in terms of talkativeness and ability to carry a conversation. I did message the girl. But this one lives an hour drive away (Oshawa). It would be a total waste if I drove over there and she was turned off by my SA and I just ended up wasting all of that gas and mileage for nothing. She seems like my type otherwise. Relationship material. Social Anxiety does not define who I am. But it is a part of me and always will be a part of me. And I need someone who can understand that.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> If you have SA, would you recommend not messaging girls who put on their profile that they can't date someone who was quiet and couldn't carry a conversation? I'm not always quiet. But I am inconsistent in terms of talkativeness and ability to carry a conversation. I did message the girl. But this one lives an hour drive away (Oshawa). It would be a total waste if I drove over there and she was turned off by my SA and I just ended up wasting all of that gas and mileage for nothing. She seems like my type otherwise. Relationship material. Social Anxiety does not define who I am. But it is a part of me and always will be a part of me. And I need someone who can understand that.


You just admitted you have the ability to carry a conversation, so why not? Personally I don't go for any girls more than 30-40 min away, but that part is up to you.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> You just admitted you have the ability to carry a conversation, so why not? Personally I don't go for any girls more than 30-40 min away, but that part is up to you.


I am capable of doing so. But my ability to do so is inconsistent based on my mood, anxiety, confidence level, etc.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Not only was last night fun, but it was also eye opening. I've been going out for well over a month now and my social circle is ever increasing in size. I'm pretty sure at one point I was rolling with about a dozen or so people. Anyway, on to the point. I found it much easier to not only get in state, but to pull girls into my reality because I was simply having a great time with my friends. I think it's slightly dangerous as I was almost having too much fun and I completely forgot about cold approach for a good hour or so. However, when I snapped myself back into action it just felt so natural and two number closes and a solid but messy macking session followed. I should note I got blown out twice in amongst that little flurry, but I was in such a fun headspace my ego was nonexistent at that point. 

I realise this game is different for everyone, but next time you go to the bar/club rather than making the night about girls, make it about fun and you may find the girls are always close by.


----------



## matutine

Nothing.

The only things I could count (working out, eating healthy, academics, etc.) are just things I do for myself anyway.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Not only was last night fun, but it was also eye opening. I've been going out for well over a month now and my social circle is ever increasing in size. I'm pretty sure at one point I was rolling with about a dozen or so people. Anyway, on to the point. I found it much easier to not only get in state, but to pull girls into my reality because I was simply having a great time with my friends. I think it's slightly dangerous as I was almost having too much fun and I completely forgot about cold approach for a good hour or so. However, when I snapped myself back into action it just felt so natural and two number closes and a solid but messy macking session followed. I should note I got blown out twice in amongst that little flurry, but I was in such a fun headspace my ego was nonexistent at that point.
> 
> I realise this game is different for everyone, but next time you go to the bar/club rather than making the night about girls, make it about fun and you may find the girls are always close by.


Impressive how easily you can have fun like that. I don't have enough friends that I really gel with to get into that mindset when I go out. In fact, when I'm with a group I get much more anxious than when I'm by myself or with one or two friends.

But it's true...when you can get into that mindset you just can't lose. In November my best friend from high school came to visit and I went out with him, his wife, a girl I was seeing at the time, and some other people, and I was in such a good mood seeing him that I ended up having a blast. I was the center of attention for probably the first time ever, it was such a high. I even approached a group of 4 girls in order to set up my friend's brother and I had them laughing like crazy. It was wild. Almost out of body experience. If only I could replicate that haha. I find it hard to have a good time with other guys in general...it's like I only know how to talk to girls. Workin on it tho!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

rymo said:


> But it's true...when you can get into that mindset you just can't lose.


Exactly. I don't want to go all bwidger metagame, but for a short while it felt as though I wasn't actually "playing". I know in my last post I talked about closing sets, but in the moment the endgame didn't even register with me. Going out with the lads it's very easy to get caught up in that pullling mode. It's daring, ambitious, testosterone is sparking, but all that really creates is pressure. Again you don't want to slip out of that altogether and be a spectator, but for me personally, letting my intent flow through me is better all round (at least for now) than me trying to force the issue right off the bat.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Exactly. I don't want to go all bwidger metagame, but for a short while it felt as though I wasn't actually "playing". I know in my last post I talked about closing sets, but in the moment the endgame didn't even register with me. Going out with the lads it's very easy to get caught up in that pullling mode. It's daring, ambitious, testosterone is sparking, but all that really creates is pressure. Again you don't want to slip out of that altogether and be a spectator, but for me personally, letting my intent flow through me is better all round (at least for now) than me trying to force the issue right off the bat.


"closing sets" haha...gotta love all the pua terminology. but once you get into that 'just having fun' mindset, you realize how overly complex and unnecessary all of that pua **** is. I admit, some of it can be a good learning tool towards getting to the point you're at now, but once you reach it you realize how simple talking to girls actually is. By simple I don't necessarily mean easy, especially for guys with SA, I just mean that it's not rocket science. At all.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Not only was last night fun, but it was also eye opening. I've been going out for well over a month now and my social circle is ever increasing in size. I'm pretty sure at one point I was rolling with about a dozen or so people. Anyway, on to the point. I found it much easier to not only get in state, but to pull girls into my reality because I was simply having a great time with my friends. I think it's slightly dangerous as I was almost having too much fun and I completely forgot about cold approach for a good hour or so. However, when I snapped myself back into action it just felt so natural and two number closes and a solid but messy macking session followed. I should note I got blown out twice in amongst that little flurry, but I was in such a fun headspace my ego was nonexistent at that point.
> 
> I realise this game is different for everyone, but next time you go to the bar/club rather than making the night about girls, make it about fun and you may find the girls are always close by.


That's awesome. I'm just curious, when will people give themselves permission to say "I am beyond SA", "I don't have SA", "I am confident", etc? These things you've done should help prove how capable you are and that SA is basically a self-inflicting thing in most cases.

You are kissing these girls? Do you just go for it instinctively?

If you go out regularly I think there will be times when it will be hard to always have fun, but the understanding that it only matters if you let it affect you is more important in my view. Generally, I think having fun is obviously a great way to get you into the social mood needed to talk to lots of people. That's what is interesting about RSD in particular in that they talk about all this stuff mentioning "state" etc.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> "closing sets" haha...gotta love all the pua terminology. but once you get into that 'just having fun' mindset, you realize how overly complex and unnecessary all of that pua **** is. I admit, some of it can be a good learning tool towards getting to the point you're at now, but once you reach it you realize how simple talking to girls actually is. By simple I don't necessarily mean easy, especially for guys with SA, I just mean that it's not rocket science. At all.


You're right, it's not rocket science, and it's all instinctual. I just find it interesting and I geek out on some of the information. Really, it's just about being social and taking chances. Sometimes you are going to do well; feel social, and other times not so much. I like the youtube coaching personally because I find it motivating and inspiring, and the information doesn't complicate things for me. Some of the guys here and elsewhere aren't really aware or comfortable with certain human dynamics and so they have a tendency to distort and complicate things I think


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> You are kissing these girls? Do you just go for it instinctively?


Acting on your instincts is definitely the way to go. Thinking back to those first couple of weeks, I was approaching not only the kiss but physicality in general very mechanically. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, either way I was in my head. Fast forward to now and it's a lot smoother for me. Although there is a moment when you both feel it's going to happen, I should stress that waiting for those moments is a fools game. Of the half a dozen girls I've kissed in this past month, only one girl locked lips at the first attempt. Now we know from learning all this theory that rejecting the kiss itself isn't actually a rejection and in fact there's a whole host of variables in the equation. The most common being that her friends are watching and "judging". Of course most guys (case example being my friend last night) view it as a huge blow to the ego and they eject way too soon. Push for the serious no is a good line for this. One girl on Saturday kept turning her head and giggling, but never at one point did she walk away nor cut the physicality. In the end I lead her outside the club and it was on instantly.

I'm not really sure if that's also a congruence test of some sort, but pushing on and acting like you never went for the kiss is by far the best thing you can do.



bwidger85 said:


> I like the youtube coaching personally because I find it *motivating* and *inspiring*, and the information doesn't complicate things for me.


Bingo. I know the material can often be candid, but without it I wouldn't be where I am today.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Acting on your instincts is definitely the way to go. Thinking back to those first couple of weeks, I was approaching not only the kiss but physicality in general very mechanically. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, either way I was in my head. Fast forward to now and it's a lot smoother for me. Although there is a moment when you both feel it's going to happen, I should stress that waiting for those moments is a fools game. Of the half a dozen girls I've kissed in this past month, only one girl locked lips at the first attempt. Now we know from learning all this theory that rejecting the kiss itself isn't actually a rejection and in fact there's a whole host of variables in the equation. The most common being that her friends are watching and "judging". Of course most guys (case example being my friend last night) view it as a huge blow to the ego and they eject way too soon. Push for the serious no is a good line for this. One girl on Saturday kept turning her head and giggling, but never at one point did she walk away nor cut the physicality. In the end I lead her outside the club and it was on instantly.
> 
> I'm not really sure if that's also a congruence test of some sort, but pushing on and acting like you never went for the kiss is by far the best thing you can do.


Wow, that's awesome, seriously. It's pretty amazing how someone can go from point A socially to point B once they put their mind to it. You are an inspiration, and although I don't know you personally, just from the little I think I know about you, you seem to take the right information and use it to your advantage while also trusting in yourself and your own process. A lot of guys can't do that starting out, and they latch on to someone else's identity (typically a mentor).

But forget all that **** dude, you're doing great! Just keep doing what you are doing! I'd be interested in knowing more about how you feel about everything, especially regarding any changes you feel about yourself. I think doing stuff like this for people with a SA background is a big component of long-lasting confidence and detachment away from negative thoughts for good. It's all about experiences and I think going through such experiences proves how capable we are!

I'm right along with ya! Wouldn't change anything right now! It's exciting to me


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo I looked back at your old posts for some insight into how you got things off the ground. I noticed that your scenario with the first girl you've been physically intimate with played out very similarly to my first. The difference is that I was 18 at the time and then took a long, long hiatus from dating after that and you were 24 and stayed in the game since then.

I know you've said before that women tend to think its unladylike to invite a guy to her place but that first girl of yours did invite you to her place (that was also the case for me). Do you find that this is the exception to the rule?

I wonder how I could make this happen at the end of the third date. I should french kiss her after the date (my female friend assured me that even if this girl isn't comfortable with doing it in public, she would understand why I did it due to the "timing"). But I would like to go to her place after the date. Though like I said, the invite may very well come this date and I'd have nothing to worry about. Date #2 was bad timing all around and it shouldn't be assumed this girl is passive and won't be trying to push things along herself in Date #3. This girl is a therapist too. I don't know how much that changes the dynamic of things.

My female friend assured me that it will eventually lead to sex if she likes me because it would be pointless and a waste of both our times to go on date after date and not get to that point within a reasonable time frame. Of course if I could speed up the process, that is good. I worry about scaring her away and making her think that I'm just some man-***** who only wants sex though. I would be comfortable asking girl #2 at the end of the day if we could go to her place because I know she's that kind of girl to be doing that on the first date.


----------



## rymo

Probably the best Simple Tips video so far:


----------



## bsd3355

^LOL


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> rymo I looked back at your old posts for some insight into how you got things off the ground. I noticed that your scenario with the first girl you've been physically intimate with played out very similarly to my first. The difference is that I was 18 at the time and then took a long, long hiatus from dating after that and you were 24 and stayed in the game since then.
> 
> I know you've said before that women tend to think its unladylike to invite a guy to her place but that first girl of yours did invite you to her place (that was also the case for me). Do you find that this is the exception to the rule?


If you guys have hit it off, kissed, and there's obvious sexual tension between you, it's not so crazy that a girl invites you to her place. Happens all the time. It helps to have picked her up at her house and then drop her off there, but even if that's not the case it happens. I wouldn't say either a girl inviting you in or a girl not inviting you in is the rule. I _would_ say that the rule is that the guy takes charge in general - in most cases. Whether that's going for the first kiss, holding the girl's hand, initiating more (sex, for example), etc. And so far you have let the girl lead the way almost every time. Not off to a great start in the being a boss and taking charge department, but that's okay. She still likes you, so it's fine. But just because you haven't done it yet, doesn't mean you can't start now.

If she doesn't invite you over, suggest it. What's the worst that could happen? She's not going to stop liking you because you suggested two people who like each other hang out more lol. Even if she says she doesn't have time or something, you're just asserting your desires and that will only increase the sexual tension for next time. I'm telling you, you're playing things WAY too safe, and if anything it's counter-productive.


----------



## bsd3355

approached 3 girls on campus; 1 number. Ironically, when I was putting in her number my phone starts spazzing out adding random digits so I'm not sure the number is right. Damn phone

I'm kind of upset though because I am still letting stuff affect me on campus and it's messing things up. I need to put serious effort into consciously not letting them affect me


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> approached 3 girls on campus; 1 number. Ironically, when I was putting in her number my phone starts spazzing out adding random digits so I'm not sure the number is right. Damn phone
> 
> I'm kind of upset though because I am still letting stuff affect me on campus and it's messing things up. I need to put serious effort into consciously not letting them affect me


I disagree. Instead of giving so much credence to these feelings and reacting towards them, how about just letting them in? Accept them because they are natural and just keep pushing forward anyway. Even the most experienced guys "let stuff affect them" sometimes, it's almost impossible to be perfectly emotionless and mentally sound all the time approaching girls. Ultimately, it's just about doing things anyway, not achieving some impossible zen state.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

That's why I always hand the girl the phone.  

What things are affecting you, bwidger? Are we talking internal or external.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I disagree. Instead of giving so much credence to these feelings and reacting towards them, how about just letting them in? Accept them because they are natural and just keep pushing forward anyway. Even the most experienced guys "let stuff affect them" sometimes, it's almost impossible to be perfectly emotionless and mentally sound all the time approaching girls. Ultimately, it's just about doing things anyway, not achieving some impossible zen state.


That's sound advice rymo, thank you.

I personally feel like I am still holding back because I let the environment dictate things inside of me. I'm happy I'm moving forward, but I am disappointed how I keep getting stuck on the same sticking point of mine over and over, at least in the college setting, when I know I could be doing better. Will keep on pushing though and trying to correct certain things. The things out of my control I have learned to let go, but this stuff is within my control which frustrates me.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> That's why I always hand the girl the phone.
> 
> What things are affecting you, bwidger? Are we talking internal or external.


It's internal. When a girl rejects me it doesn't really bother me, so that's not the problem. The problem is that I allow too many opportunities slip through my fingers because somewhere in my head I imagine how everyone is watching me and judging me and it puts pressure on me to NOT follow through with the conversation, number, etc. It's been the same sticking point of mine over and over and over again. In bars it's lessened, but campus is a little different.

For instance, today I probably "indirectly" asked 8 girls for directions. Probably 6 or 7 of those girls I stopped I should of started a conversation and moved things forward but I only did it with 3 girls. And the reason I only had conversations with 3 girls is because I let thoughts of what others might think put pressure on me and I eject. It's something I am aware of but it always happens. So instead of walking around for 1 1/2 hours only asking 3 girls for their numbers, I could of asked 6 or 7. It's kind of complicated because what happens is the longer I'm out the more I lose focus, drive and energy so the more opportunities I pass up the longer I'm out there and blah blah blah.

I could go further into detail. I've actually came up with some pretty ingenious ideas to get numbers walking around campus lol. They aren't tricks, but just things I can do that would increase my chances--asking for directions in the direction the girl is going is one example because then I can walk along with her and talk with her. I used to have a specific building in mind and then I'd go in the opposite direction forcing to have conversations with her standing still, but if I walk along with her while she's going to her location then it is almost natural for conversation, etc.

I'm going to sit down and write things I should do next time I go out on campus (tomorrow). I find doing so prepares me to not make the same unconscious mistakes. Hopefully I can correct these little problems in the future. I think it will make a huge difference.

College is a little different than bars. Bars are a social place and it's loud so people only see you approach and hardly can tell what you are saying talking to girls. However, on campus walking around, NO ONE is talking walking between classes and so you can hear a pin drop if you listen intently enough, which adds pressure on me because I'm the guy everyone can hear and there are tons of people around. Also, on campus girls don't expect to be approached walking around so that also puts more pressure on me. This is why I _imagine_ college to be harder. The situations and environments do a lot to people and adds or decreases certain social pressures if you allow it. Bars are easier to go direct for me; while campuses seem better to go indirect, personally; however, either way can work for any situation.

On a side note, I find not-so-busy bars harder than crowded loud bars because in not-so-busy-bars more focus is being put on you when you approach and more people can see what you are doing. Hectic, busy clubs/bars, you can literally go around almost unnoticed, decreasing pressure, for me, anyway. Most of this crap is internal crap though I think.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

OK, so 8 approaches. Could you list what happened with each girl chronologically? For instance:

1st approach - Asked for directions
2nd approach - Full conversation 
3rd approach - Got the number 

Etc. There's method behind the madness btw.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> OK, so 8 approaches. Could you list what happened with each girl chronologically? For instance:
> 
> 1st approach - Asked for directions
> 2nd approach - Full conversation
> 3rd approach - Got the number
> 
> Etc. There's method behind the madness btw.


There is no one "correct" way to approach girls, but this is just how I do it _walking around campus_:

1. Ask for directions to a building (gets her to stop instead of keep walking). Preferably ask for a building in the direction she is walking so you can walk with her which makes the conversation more natural feeling.

2. During or after she tells you, transition conversation in a question like, "Are you a sophomore?". Continue conversation which ever way you'd like either by statements or questions.

3. After talking for a little bit just ask if she likes to text or ask for her number.

That's basically what I do to every girl I stop walking around campus. Only 3 of the girls I went through step 1-3. The other 5 or 6 I only got through step one because I let **** in my head affect me. That's basically what happened with every girl today. If I go through all the steps usually you hear the same stuff from the girls because you tend to have the same type of conversations. Most of them are friendly and willing to ask questions themselves, so it's not one-sided most of the time.

Like I said, this isn't some "PUA" method I copied or some crap (honestly, I'm tired of always hearing about talking to girls "PUA stuff"). This is just something I personally like to do at campus. There is no one perfect way to talk to girls. I just like walking around campus and doing it because it's outside, in the open and I can walk around instead of approaching all in one area. There also tends to be lots of girls walking around.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

The girl dropped out of the class. I checked the roster, and she is gone.

I am pathetic. She probably didn't like me as much as I thought she did. I will never find love, I might as well just give up. I am too old to start dating now.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> If you guys have hit it off, kissed, and there's obvious sexual tension between you, it's not so crazy that a girl invites you to her place. Happens all the time. It helps to have picked her up at her house and then drop her off there, but even if that's not the case it happens. I wouldn't say either a girl inviting you in or a girl not inviting you in is the rule. I _would_ say that the rule is that the guy takes charge in general - in most cases. Whether that's going for the first kiss, holding the girl's hand, initiating more (sex, for example), etc. And so far you have let the girl lead the way almost every time. Not off to a great start in the being a boss and taking charge department, but that's okay. She still likes you, so it's fine. But just because you haven't done it yet, doesn't mean you can't start now.
> 
> If she doesn't invite you over, suggest it. What's the worst that could happen? She's not going to stop liking you because you suggested two people who like each other hang out more lol. Even if she says she doesn't have time or something, you're just asserting your desires and that will only increase the sexual tension for next time. I'm telling you, you're playing things WAY too safe, and if anything it's counter-productive.


We both drive so I don't pick her up or drop her off.

As for me not taking charge, I did initiate the kiss (though obviously it wasn't a french kiss) on both dates. I initiated flirting in-person and also online (though I didn't flirt with her on the second date). On OKCupid, I told her in my first message that she was sexy as hell (as an aside, that wasn't my entire message). I haven't tried holding hands with her (should I do that while in the theatre? Or is that too hokey and sentimental at this stage and at our age? I don't want her to get this impression that I have feelings for her or anything because I don't.)

As for initiating sex, I do not have a track record of having this problem ever. lol. After I start making out with a girl in a private or semi-private place (inside a car), I'm ok with initiating everything up to and including sex. My issues with sex are about being too anxious to perform at times. And when I do, it's next to impossible for me to cum (women like that because it's a great deal for them! lol. But they feel inadequate when I don't release at all). Not initiating it.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> The girl dropped out of the class. I checked the roster, and she is gone.
> 
> I am pathetic. She probably didn't like me as much as I thought she did. I will never find love, I might as well just give up. I am too old to start dating now.


So you were literally resting all of your hopes and dreams for romantic success on that one girl? I'm willing to bet there are one or two more girls left in the world for you to talk to. And no, you're not too old.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> We both drive so I don't pick her up or drop her off.
> 
> As for me not taking charge, I did initiate the kiss (though obviously it wasn't a french kiss) on both dates. I initiated flirting in-person and also online (though I didn't flirt with her on the second date). On OKCupid, I told her in my first message that she was sexy as hell (as an aside, that wasn't my entire message). I haven't tried holding hands with her (should I do that while in the theatre? Or is that too hokey and sentimental at this stage and at our age? I don't want her to get this impression that I have feelings for her or anything because I don't.)
> 
> As for initiating sex, I do not have a track record of having this problem ever. lol. After I start making out with a girl in a private or semi-private place (inside a car), I'm ok with initiating everything up to and including sex.


So....what's the issue then?


----------



## bsd3355

WintersTale said:


> The girl dropped out of the class. I checked the roster, and she is gone.
> 
> I am pathetic. She probably didn't like me as much as I thought she did. I will never find love, I might as well just give up. I am too old to start dating now.


You are definitely not too old for dating! You'll feel better if you go out and talk to more girls, trust me. Right now it probably feels hopeless for you because you know of only one girl you'd approach, and just so happens that one girl you let slip through your fingers. When you are constantly meeting women you find that opportunities open up and that scarcity mindset you currently have fades away. Meeting women shouldn't be a scarce thing in our society today!


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> So....what's the issue then?


My issue is that it's hard for me to get over the hump of french kissing/making out with a girl in public (in private it can be difficult for me if I lack confidence but if I'm confident the girl likes me, then it's easy. Doing it in public scares me though. I've done it in public before and it's more likely to make it an awkward, uncoordinated, clumsy experience for me.) And also asking a girl if we can go to her place. Those are the two things. That and getting anxiety when we're actually about to have sex or having sex (I can initiate it but it's a bit of a roll of the dice between whether you see beast mode Phoenix vaporizing mother****ers in flames or wet noodle Phoenix. lol)


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> My issue is that it's hard for me to get over the hump of french kissing/making out with a girl in public (in private it can be difficult for me if I lack confidence but if I'm confident the girl likes me, then it's easy. Doing it in public scares me though. I've done it in public before and it's more likely to make it an awkward, uncoordinated, clumsy experience for me.) And also asking a girl if we can go to her place. Those are the two things. That and getting anxiety when we're actually about to have sex or having sex (I can initiate it but it's a bit of a roll of the dice between whether you see beast mode Phoenix frying mother****ers in flames or wet noodle Phoenix. lol)


Well are you going to make the choice to be beast mode Phoenix or what??!?!? You da man, you got this.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> Like I said, this isn't some "PUA" method I copied or some crap (honestly, I'm tired of always hearing about talking to girls "PUA stuff"). This is just something I personally like to do at campus. There is no one perfect way to talk to girls. I just like walking around campus and doing it because it's outside, in the open and I can walk around instead of approaching all in one area. There also tends to be lots of girls walking around.


Amen. Celebrate the fact you're putting yourself out there and doing what you want to do. The experience you're gaining is already showing. You mentioned about having the same conversations. Just as you've become attuned to the interactions, you'll become attuned to the environment and over time all that pressure will vanish.

I agree that there is no perfect way to talk to girls and its great having fun with that realisation, but I do believe there's a right manner. I've only been going out solid for maybe two months now, but I know what a flakey number looks like and it's all my friends ever get. It literally blows my mind how easily a girl will hand out her number. I know most PUA teach to always go for the number, but for me personally if she doesn't ask for it, or I don't feel like I've cemented my personality enough then I simply won't bother. Coming from that frame, I just found myself falling into the buyer dynamic rather than seller. All of a sudden the choice is yours, which coming full circle, alleviates that pressure.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm just tired of being hurt.

If I can get hurt by a CRUSH, someone that I haven't even invested any time in, what will happen if I end up in a relationship and get burned? I will probably kill myself. 

As it is, I feel like going back to bed, and drowning my sorrows in dreams.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I know most PUA teach to always go for the number, but for me personally if she doesn't ask for it, or I don't feel like I've cemented my personality enough then I simply won't bother.


That's good advice but I feel like getting a girl to really stop and invest in a conversation walking around campus is harder than it may seem. I would love to ask for a number at the right moment or when I feel like she's invested or "earned" it, but it seems harder on campus.

At bars this is good advice though, but you still tend to get flakey numbers sometimes. For instance, that girl that I was 100% sure of would talk to me again--the one who approached and sat by me at the bar last week--she never returned my initial text. She seemed so interested and even stayed with me while her friend left and walked around with me and everything and so asking for her number was like second-nature to me. Even then, she still flaked my text. And in the back of my mind I hear Zeeshan saying, "Dude! Call her!" lol...but honestly, if a girl is interested she will respond to a text. I don't feel like calling is a big deal, and if a girl thinks it's a big deal AFTER we met in person and had a good connection, then she's likely a stiff anyway. I think she flaked me because I probably came off as a "player" to her.

Anyway, I agree that you can lesson flake rates if you actually have a connection with a girl and then get her number, but something I know for a fact is that often that's a very random thing too, so I have no problem having 2-4 minute conversations with girls, getting their number and then texting them later. I think the best position you can put yourself in is to always go for a number because sometimes girls respond after short in-person conversation; sometimes not. If you are only going after numbers when you feel a connection or a confident feeling inside of you then you are only lessening your chances. Also, the more you interact with girls the more you will see random **** happens where you can't always build rapport or a connection so you need to always be closing. Girls also seem interested when they aren't, so that can be deceiving as well. Flakes are just a part of the process.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> I'm just tired of being hurt.
> 
> If I can get hurt by a CRUSH, someone that I haven't even invested any time in, what will happen if I end up in a relationship and get burned? I will probably kill myself.
> 
> As it is, I feel like going back to bed, and drowning my sorrows in dreams.


Being hurt by a crush is just because you're inexperienced, it's no reflection on you as a person. That's simply how it is until you've had some success. These feelings of drowning your sorrows are exactly what you need to push through to be successful. Don't let them win again, man.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Well are you going to make the choice to be beast mode Phoenix or what??!?!? You da man, you got this.


Beast mode is a state of mind. It can not be willed or faked. You have to believe in yourself for real. You have to work very hard to reprogram the negative thought processes in your brain. It's not something that happens over night. I can be in that state but it's only temporary.

What helps me to stay more consistently in beast mode is practice. I will point out one area where I have gained a lot of confidence with over time: driving. I'm a novice driver who only started driving regularly since June (I have generalized anxiety disorder and I was anxious about driving for the longest time. Held off getting a car for the longest time even though I had my license since late 2006). But I drive every day. So I'm much more comfortable driving and much more confident in my driving skills now. There are times where I still get very anxious and stressed on the road when it's congested. But that's everybody. I feel more comfortable driving in downtown Toronto than lots of seasoned veteran drivers (I don't advocate that people needlessly drive there and add to the congestion problems in the city. Public transit in the downtown area is very good. *But* I consider it a personal triumph that I have overcome that fear and that I know I'm able to drive there). Because I gradually forced myself to do things that scare and challenge me. The driving thing has helped improve my confidence in the dating arena indirectly. Because it puts things in perspective. I could die doing this (driving). But being nastily rejected by a girl in the worst way will not kill you.

It's funny how I didn't have the guts to french kiss the girl on the second date (part of it too is that I didn't know that it was important to do so until my female friend told me I should have) and then when I got on the road after that, I cut off a trucker 10 minutes later (the right lane up ahead was closed off for construction and the ****er wasn't giving me a chance to change lanes even though I had my signal on so I cut him off). That is something that takes balls and might even be considered risky and stupid. I got honked at (a trucker's horn is loud as hell! lol) for making such an assertive, bold move. You have to be assertive on the road in Toronto. Or else drivers and those nasty pedestrians and cyclists will walk all over you. Drivers in Toronto are incredibly selfish (pedestrians in the city by far are the worst. lol). Many don't want to let you change lanes/merge/exit and they impatiently honk at you for the slightest inconvenience you give them. They don't want to give you a chance. You have to assertively claim that ****ing spot on the road! It's good assertiveness training. But the stakes are higher obviously.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> If you are only going after numbers when you feel a connection or a confident feeling inside of you then you are only lessening your chances.


I agree, but in turn that requires me to make more approaches. It's probably a personal thing and I'm trying to detach myself from the outcome by disassociating the number. You're spot on in regard to how random this can all be. Calibrate after the fact not before, right?


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I agree, but in turn that requires me to make more approaches. It's probably a personal thing and I'm trying to detach myself from the outcome by disassociating the number. You're spot on in regard to how random this can all be. Calibrate after the fact not before, right?


After a while I think you'll figure out what works best for you. I'd just keep meeting and talking to girls till then  When you come to a point where you feel like there may be something that you can be doing to get better results then try it out.

You mentioned how you've been getting numbers, how did that turn out for you? Any girls respond? Dates set up?


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> On a side note, I find not-so-busy bars harder than crowded loud bars because in not-so-busy-bars more focus is being put on you when you approach and more people can see what you are doing. Hectic, busy clubs/bars, you can literally go around almost unnoticed, decreasing pressure, for me, anyway. Most of this crap is internal crap though I think.


Yeah, I always preferred crowded clubs. I avoid half empty bars like the plague. There is just so many people to choose from to talk to. And often you meet people by literally bumping into them cause it's so crowded. I kind of enjoy "swimming" through the crowd.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

rymo said:


> Being hurt by a crush is just because you're inexperienced, it's no reflection on you as a person. That's simply how it is until you've had some success. These feelings of drowning your sorrows are exactly what you need to push through to be successful. Don't let them win again, man.


The only way I can let them win is to care. And by putting myself out there, I am caring what people think about me.

I know I will die a virgin. Girls just don't like guys like me. Even the musician part doesn't help.

I might as well not care about it, because if they don't like me, it's not my fault. It's theirs. I should just stop loving women, except as friends.


----------



## rymo

WintersTale said:


> The only way I can let them win is to care. And by putting myself out there, I am caring what people think about me.
> 
> I know I will die a virgin. Girls just don't like guys like me. Even the musician part doesn't help.
> 
> I might as well not care about it, because if they don't like me, it's not my fault. It's theirs. I should just stop loving women, except as friends.


Impossible not to have feelings, you're human. Best to throw yourself into the thick of things head first until you succeed, because not trying wont accomplish anything, and you'll just end up feeling worse. Or just come to CT and I'll get you some


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Yeah, I always preferred crowded clubs. I avoid half empty bars like the plague. There is just so many people to choose from to talk to. And often you meet people by literally bumping into them cause it's so crowded. I kind of enjoy "swimming" through the crowd.


Same here. I didn't understand this until recently. Unfortunately, I live in an area where less-than-crowded bars seem to be more frequent. Either that, or the men to woman ratio is like 7:1. I've been thinking about this a lot actually and I've been contemplating moving but I think this is one of those things that I can find a way around if I'm clever enough. School is back in session and the bars aren't that bad on certain days, so it is what it is for now. However, I have been talking to someone that lives in chicago, and I could probably find a roommate in cleveland, but I'm in a good economic position right now, so I'm probably going to stay here until school is over with for me.

I find that if I can overcome my fear of being more in the public approaching and showing everyone what I'm doing then I can learn a lot and have potential to gain a certain level of confidence, and this is mainly with regard to less-than-crowded bars and college campuses. It just makes it harder. I do feel like can learn to control it eventually (some of the fears, maybe never). I just need to keep facing my fears proactively. It's more of accepting it and doing it anyway type of thing


----------



## bsd3355

WintersTale said:


> The only way I can let them win is to care. And by putting myself out there, I am caring what people think about me.
> 
> I know I will die a virgin. Girls just don't like guys like me. Even the musician part doesn't help.
> 
> I might as well not care about it, because if they don't like me, it's not my fault. It's theirs. I should just stop loving women, except as friends.


If you want to get a girlfriend then you'll have to do what everyone else does and go meet women. No one is immune. It actually feels better to meet women when you are lonely than to allow that pain to reside unused inside you. And even if you aren't lonely, it's still fun as hell!

If you want to start doing something about it then this is the place to ask. Getting a girlfriend is an active thing and it doesn't happen from procrastination or giving up! There are people on this forum who give up without really putting in the right efforts either because they are too pessimistic--sometimes understandably--or they just don't know what to do. You either put effort into meeting someone or you don't, and if not doing anything hasn't produced results then if you continue doing nothing the same is likely to happen.

If you read of the guys who were in your position a few weeks ago and see where they are now in this specific thread, they aren't exactly cut from a different cloth. You can do the same. If you want to meet women then you need to be active in doing so. 30 years old is not too old to date. Don't be afraid to start or ask questions if this is something you want.


----------



## Zeeshan

OK bwidger I gotta ask you something n please don't take this the wrong way. You know I think the world of what your doing and am working towards having a similar attitude. 

In the past 6 months or so I must have read about you approaching hundreds of women. How come you still don't have a girl?


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> OK bwidger I gotta ask you something n please don't take this the wrong way. You know I think the world of what your doing and am working towards having a similar attitude.
> 
> In the past 6 months or so I must have read about you approaching hundreds of women. How come you still don't have a girl?


hundreds of women? lol. i'm probably at 150 in my life total. all the rest are ones i didn't show any intent or anything.

are you suggesting i am doing something wrong? if so, please share.

there are so many reasons i could write a book on it. but it's not as hopeless as you may imagine. if i approached hundreds of girls in 6 months i would be in a different situation thatn i am now. the way things are, i don't approach nearly enough as i should because i am still working on certain things personally. i would like to increase those numbers. there is a reason why i feel i am "still getting better"

also, i have had a girlfriend for 6 months and i've also dated lots of girls since the beginning of 2012. i just started going out again regularly a few weeks ago and since then i've been building up my confidence slowly

give me time. you will things very differently in the near future, i promise you that. i still consider myself ****ty at this because i am not as confident nor aggressive as i should be, which does help a lot


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> hundreds of women? lol. i'm probably at 150 in my life total. all the rest are ones i didn't show any intent or anything.
> 
> are you suggesting i am doing something wrong? if so, please share.
> 
> there are so many reasons i could write a book on it. but it's not as hopeless as you may imagine. if i approached hundreds of girls in 6 months i would be in a different situation thatn i am now. the way things are, i don't approach nearly enough as i should because i am still working on certain things personally. i would like to increase those numbers. there is a reason why i feel i am "still getting better"
> 
> also, i have had a girlfriend for 6 months and i've also dated lots of girls since the beginning of 2012. i just started going out again regularly a few weeks ago and since then i've been building up my confidence slowly
> 
> give me time. you will things very differently in the near future, i promise you that. i still consider myself ****ty at this because i am not as confident nor aggressive as i should be, which does help a lot


Yea I think you'd be more successful if you were more direct n upfront


----------



## StevenGlansberg

My goals for the upcoming weeks:

Ask friends for advice on going after GIRL A and make a move/ask her out.

Hang out with GIRL B 1:1 and see if that goes anywhere.

Talk to random girls at the bar especially when my friends are encouraging me to do so. This happened last Friday and Saturday and I chickened out (for the most part) both times. I was very drunk though.

And...break!


----------



## phoenixwright

Date with girl #2 was postponed due to illness. She seemed really sincere and assured me she's not a flake (I believe her. I had asked her for her number yesterday and she gave me her number and told me about the medical issue in the same message. A flake wouldn't do that. She's also been rather eager with me.

Now girl #1 (the one I've been on two dates with) she texted me this morning after 4 days of us not chatting. We had set up our date on Saturday for Thursday. I wonder if its a bad thing for me to stop texting her like that once the next date had been set. She might be thinking I only want her for sex. However I'm of the opinion that once a next date is set, there's no point to text until then because its better to let things sit so that you have more to talk about on your date.

Also when in the theatre with this girl, would it be an emotional/sentimental thing to hold her hand? I figure that's only something you do with a girl you have feelings for. And I don't (at least nowhere close to yet). My female friend suggested putting my arm around her but that's awkward to do in the theatre and may be physically uncomfortable for her. I definitely am going to French her this time though (I'm still worried that it'll be an awkward, uncoordinated experience. lol. I'm self-conscious about my ability as a kisser actually even though I've been told before that I'm a good kisser. Particularly when I'm nervous I get self-conscious). And ask her if we can go to her place afterwards.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Date with girl #2 was postponed due to illness. She seemed really sincere and assured me she's not a flake (I believe her. I had asked her for her number yesterday and she gave me her number and told me about the medical issue in the same message. A flake wouldn't do that. She's also been rather eager with me.
> 
> Now girl #1 (the one I've been on two dates with) she texted me this morning after 4 days of us not chatting. We had set up our date on Saturday for Thursday. I wonder if its a bad thing for me to stop texting her like that once the next date had been set. She might be thinking I only want her for sex. However I'm of the opinion that once a next date is set, there's no point to text until then because its better to let things sit so that you have more to talk about on your date.
> 
> Also when in the theatre with this girl, would it be an emotional/sentimental thing to hold her hand? I figure that's only something you do with a girl you have feelings for. And I don't (at least nowhere close to yet). My female friend suggested putting my arm around her but that's awkward to do in the theatre and may be physically uncomfortable for her. I definitely am going to French her this time though (I'm still worried that it'll be an awkward, uncoordinated experience. lol. I'm self-conscious about my ability as a kisser actually even though I've been told before that I'm a good kisser. Particularly when I'm nervous I get self-conscious). And ask her if we can go to her place afterwards.


Glad you've seen the light. As far as the holding hands thing goes, personally it's not a move I would make as it seems a bit cheesy, but that doesn't mean you can't still make physical contact. If she can arrange herself in the right position, you can get her to kind of lay on your chest/shoulder with your arm around her (especially if the cup holders can go up). Don't ask me how exactly this works because I have no idea of the specifics, but it's happened to me before. What I usually do though is put my hand on her thigh and just kind of rub up and down very slowly every once in a while. Maybe run my fingers in different directions or in various patterns, massage her thigh, etc. Huge sexual tension points here.


----------



## SilentLyric

I added the girl on Facebook. Now to wait to see if she accepts.:afr


----------



## bsd3355

1 number today on campus.

i really need to step up to 4 numbers a day


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> 1 number today on campus.
> 
> i really need to step up to 4 numbers a day


Why?


----------



## CW1985

The girl I like has a few personal issues (mainly she's trying to give up weed), and she said when her head is right we're going to go for a walk together. So my goal is to keep in touch on Facebook to support her. Then when the day finally comes to go for the walk, I'm going to hug her and turn on the charm to maximum 

And no this isn't some kind of silly online crush. I actually went to school with her, but she lives 3 miles away so I can't just go to see her when I feel like it.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Why?


i'm experimenting, but I think 4 numbers per outing would settle a lot of my dating droughts. i'm looking at it on a weekly basis. i'm curious to see what happens. the only way to tell is to increase the number. a high percentage of numbers don't pan out to anything for what i'm doing, so i feel i need to increase the number. i'm not in this casually atm. i am aiming to get "good" at meeting women, and for me that means being able to date consistently under a certain amount of time. people can approve or disapprove; that's their prerogative. it makes perfect sense to me personally. i'm not going to be 40+ kicking myself that i didn't experience the kind of dating life i deserve. if it never pans out the way i want it then i can at least say i gave it my all. that's all that matters, and this is what i want at this point in my life so i'm going to go all out


----------



## Brandeezy

I haven't been on here in a while but I need some advice guys. So I like a co-worker of mine and i've started talking to her recently. I'm pretty sure she's digging me because she's the one who initiated all our convos. Last week she said "Ohh so your name is Brandon?" (I don't see her alot lol) and I made a sarcastic joke about my name. Today she said "Hey, Brandon", I greeted her and that was that. Before I left to go home I ran into her and we awkwardly started smiling at each other for a couple secs then she asked where I was going, I told her then she said "Awww whyyyyyy????" I made a joke then she waved goodbye and I left. I found her FB about an hour ago and wanted to add her but I thought it would be weird since we barely talk and I didn't want to seem like a stalker. I feel like there's a connection between us though.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I haven't been on here in a while but I need some advice guys. So I like a co-worker of mine and i've started talking to her recently. I'm pretty sure she's digging me because she's the one who initiated all our convos. Last week she said "Ohh so your name is Brandon?" (I don't see her alot lol) and I made a sarcastic joke about my name. Today she said "Hey, Brandon", I greeted her and that was that. Before I left to go home I ran into her and we awkwardly started smiling at each other for a couple secs then she asked where I was going, I told her then she said "Awww whyyyyyy????" I made a joke then she waved goodbye and I left. I found her FB about an hour ago and wanted to add her but I thought it would be weird since we barely talk and I didn't want to seem like a stalker. I feel like there's a connection between us though.


Friend her on Facebook, tell her you thought she was cute so you wanted to talk more. Talk on Facebook once or twice, then in person ask her if she wants to grab a drink with you. Remember, if you *****foot around and don't make your intentions clear, that's the easiest way to the friendzone. Strike while the iron's hot, and strike hard.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Friend her on Facebook, tell her you thought she was cute so you wanted to talk more. Talk on Facebook once or twice, then in person ask her if she wants to grab a drink with you. Remember, if you *****foot around and don't make your intentions clear, that's the easiest way to the friendzone. Strike while the iron's hot, and strike hard.


Thanks, I just added her. I'll update it if she responds or not


----------



## phoenixwright

When she texted me this afternoon to confirm things for tonight I told her that I can't wait to see her again tonight  and she replied with a . I definitely have to french kiss her now. lol. She is dying for me to kiss her passionately I bet.

Last date was brunch and I had a doctor's appointment so yeah maybe the mood will just be very different tonight and it will just flow.


----------



## Cyclonic

Just started talking to a girl on a dating site again. She messaged me first, earlier today, and while it was going great early on, but it's already down to the one word responses, despite my continued interest. It really irks me when this **** starts to happen, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I have to force a new topic just to get a one-word response back. Guess I'll keep chipping away until I have the last word.


----------



## bsd3355

approached 2 girls today on campus; both BF deflections

looking back on this last 5 months have been horribly unproductive. for the first time in a while it's upset me a little bit. i took a month off and didn't step it up during the 5 month period. _ i have to step it up_

will be going out tonight


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> Just started talking to a girl on a dating site again. She messaged me first, earlier today, and while it was going great early on, but it's already down to the one word responses, despite my continued interest. It really irks me when this **** starts to happen, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I have to force a new topic just to get a one-word response back. Guess I'll keep chipping away until I have the last word.


Do you mind posting some or all of your conversation? That's the quickest and best way to determine if and what you're doing wrong (and to see what you're doing right as well).


----------



## Cyclonic

rymo said:


> Do you mind posting some or all of your conversation? That's the quickest and best way to determine if and what you're doing wrong (and to see what you're doing right as well).


I don't have all of it, here's the last few parts.

Me: Yeah, can't wait til the weekend. Anything fun going on with you?

Her: Nope

Me: Yeah me neither until Saturday night. I'm still trying to find some new, fun places to go to.

Her: Yeah lol

Me: Anyway, what kind of music are you into?

Her: 80s and 90s alternative. Indie. Country

Me: Nice, I love some country once in a while. Makes for the best karaoke music IMO. I've gotten into quite a few genres myself...from metal to trance, with a little bit of country and classical in between.

Her: Awesome

Me: I saw you're going to school for Medical Assisting, how's that going? What do you like about it?

And this is it, still waiting for a response


----------



## SilentLyric

bwidger85 said:


> approached 2 girls today on campus; *both BF deflections*
> 
> looking back on this last 5 months have been horribly unproductive. for the first time in a while it's upset me a little bit. i took a month off and didn't step it up during the 5 month period. _ i have to step it up_
> 
> will be going out tonight


You don't know that for sure. They could have lied to you. I would look at your approach and see if you made any mistakes.


----------



## rymo

SilentLuke said:


> You don't know that for sure. They could have lied to you. I would look at your approach and see if you made any mistakes.


He wasn't saying they definitely had boyfriends, he was simply saying that's the excuse they gave him. I would imagine bwidger didn't make any serious mistakes, he's pretty good at this stuff. But yes, learning from your mistakes is definitely part of the process of becoming better at talking to girls.


----------



## bsd3355

SilentLuke said:


> You don't know that for sure. They could have lied to you. I would look at your approach and see if you made any mistakes.


possible, but i don't question it anymore. whether it's a BF, a BF excuse, or she flat out says no, it's all the same thing to me. doesnt matter and i don't particularly care about it anymore

my biggest mistake is that i care too much what onlookers think and that continuously messes with me. because of that fear, i am picky who and where i approach, and that's not the way to go about it.

i write notes in my phone all the time. this time (today) i wrote this regarding this particular fear of mine:

_Fear of ppl hearing me get rejected or listening to conversation:

You have to do this. Nothing bad will happen. You will never see these ppl again

_I've always found it helpful to write notes to myself. I think the best way to overcome this problem is to do it regardless over and over and over again (desensitization). I'm an idiot for not doing it. I am only making it harder on myself. Maybe one day I'll go out solely to approach in front of everyone over and over and over again

If I can overcome this particular fear, or at least manage to act despite of it consistently, then I know my dating life will open up tremendously because it is currently limiting me on the amount of girls I talk to as well as taking me a long time to approach. I should be talking to at least 8 girls a day, asking them for their numbers. I should be getting 4 numbers a day when I walk around campus. That is my personal goal. I need to step it up. I feel like I am slowly building up to it. Hopefully I can make that the new standard soon

However, some days I realize that I can approach 10 girls and get rejected by all of them. Other days, I can approach 4 and get 4 numbers. Because of this I made a decision a while ago to either get rejected 10 times an outing or get 4 numbers before I can go home, but where I am at now that's just too taxing on me because of my fears I'm trying to work on

the reason i'm so analytical and number-focused is because i am trying to find an ideal standard that will get me consistent results (of course, there will always be "bad days" though). approaching 2 girls a day, or getting 1 number a day has not been working lately. it can, but it just makes the process that much longer. i'm actually a little surprised how many girls haven't responded to my initial text when I text. even for me this is a little odd.


----------



## AussiePea

Dinner date tonight and our emails/texts leading up have been enjoyable, playful and filled with humour, so I am hopeful for tonight.


----------



## bsd3355

AussiePea said:


> Dinner date tonight and our emails/texts leading up have been enjoyable, playful and filled with humour, so I am hopeful for tonight.


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok I french kissed her. She wasn't opening her mouth. I kinda panicked. I didn't know at the time whether to keep going or not on the fly. She eventually did open her mouth and we had some tongue action going on there. But I wonder if maybe I was too forceful by persisting when she wasn't opening the floodgates. ****. I accidentally bit her (we both laughed about it). And there was some lack of coordination and awkwardness there. She dropped her magazine, I didn't notice. She had stopped and I was like "what happened?" (in a laughing tone) and she was like "I dropped my magazine". It didn't seem like any sexual tension was being built. We walked away from that both in a laughing type of tone. Because we recognized that this situation wasn't very smooth and awkward. I also probably used too much tongue (I didn't jab my tongue down her throat or anything). Not enough lip action and building into a crescendo. I guess since you guys kept pestering me to french her, I went the whole nine yards (save for jabbing my tongue down her throat). lol.

I was already self-conscious about whether I'm a good kisser or not (especially in a public setting where I get more nervous). Now I'm even more so. I think I ****ed it up and that it's over with us. I was hoping that there would be passion there. But we walked away from that laughing it off. Though internally I'm in pain.

There was a lot of snow today and our cars were covered in snow (in hindsight, I should have helped clear the snow off her car). When I was entering the highway, my car lost control at the entrance ramp due to either black ice or snow (I'm not sure which. Probably black ice). I regained control and got home safe though. I texted her after I got home asking her how her ride was [because of the road conditions out there, I figured that instead of playing the "don't contact her until the next day" game, why not flip the script and text her 40 minutes later asking her how the ride was? We had a bit of an exchange there. It's hard to tell via text of course if she's still interested. Yes she is talking to me but that doesn't mean anything. Girls have talked to me post-date before. Only to turn me down when I would ask for a next date. It doesn't guarantee anything if they respond to you.

So yeah I feel like **** now. Right now in my mind I'm thinking that she's thinking I'm an inexperienced, clueless loser who doesn't have much relationship experience. I've done the french kissing thing with girls before but this was one of my worst performances in awhile. I'm not comfortable doing it in public. And it just seemed awkward.

On the flip side maybe it is awkward because we're both shy and it was in public. And maybe we were both laughing and such (plus it may not be a big deal to her that I accidentally bit her. **** happens. I've done that before and been forgiven for it before) because it was a relief that we finally broke that barrier after three whole dates?

Also I wasn't getting the vibe that she would have wanted me to go over to her place. She was saying "alright, better get going, it's a long drive for you [the theatre was 30 mins from my place. Though she assumed it would take me longer due to the weather conditions. Speed-wise, the ride wasn't so bad on the way home. It was driving to there during rush hour that sucked. Took an extra 5-10 mins during rush hour]." And she said something to the effect earlier of thanking me for a good night (pre-kiss). I'm not going to push the envelope. At least we got the french kiss out of the way. But yeah I'm worried I ****ed the kiss up. We resumed making out after I bit her so can't be too bad right? lol.

I'm just dying right now because I don't want to ask her out again tonight. I have to at least let it sit a day. But asking her out again is the only way I'll know for sure if she wants to continue dating me. This sucks. Ahhhhhhh.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Ok I french kissed her. She wasn't opening her mouth. I kinda panicked. I didn't know at the time whether to keep going or not on the fly. She eventually did open her mouth and we had some tongue action going on there. But I wonder if maybe I was too forceful by persisting when she wasn't opening the floodgates. ****. I accidentally bit her (we both laughed about it). And there was some lack of coordination and awkwardness there. She dropped her magazine, I didn't notice. She had stopped and I was like "what happened?" (in a laughing tone) and she was like "I dropped my magazine". It didn't seem like any sexual tension was being built. We walked away from that both in a laughing type of tone. Because we recognized that this situation wasn't very smooth and awkward. I also probably used too much tongue (I didn't jab my tongue down her throat or anything). Not enough lip action and building into a crescendo. I guess since you guys kept pestering me to french her, I went the whole nine yards (save for jabbing my tongue down her throat). lol.
> 
> I was already self-conscious about whether I'm a good kisser or not (especially in a public setting where I get more nervous). Now I'm even more so. I think I ****ed it up and that it's over with us. I was hoping that there would be passion there. But we walked away from that laughing it off. Though internally I'm in pain.
> 
> There was a lot of snow today and our cars were covered in snow (in hindsight, I should have helped clear the snow off her car). When I was entering the highway, my car lost control at the entrance ramp due to either black ice or snow (I'm not sure which. Probably black ice). I regained control and got home safe though. I texted her after I got home asking her how her ride was [because of the road conditions out there, I figured that instead of playing the "don't contact her until the next day" game, why not flip the script and text her 40 minutes later asking her how the ride was? We had a bit of an exchange there. It's hard to tell via text of course if she's still interested. Yes she is talking to me but that doesn't mean anything. Girls have talked to me post-date before. Only to turn me down when I would ask for a next date. It doesn't guarantee anything if they respond to you.
> 
> So yeah I feel like **** now. Right now in my mind I'm thinking that she's thinking I'm an inexperienced, clueless loser who doesn't have much relationship experience. I've done the french kissing thing with girls before but this was one of my worst performances in awhile. I'm not comfortable doing it in public. And it just seemed awkward.
> 
> On the flip side maybe it is awkward because we're both shy and it was in public. And maybe we were both laughing and such (plus it may not be a big deal to her that I accidentally bit her. **** happens. I've done that before and been forgiven for it before) because it was a relief that we finally broke that barrier after three whole dates?
> 
> Also I wasn't getting the vibe that she would have wanted me to go over to her place. She was saying "alright, better get going, it's a long drive for you [the theatre was 30 mins from my place. Though she assumed it would take me longer due to the weather conditions. Speed-wise, the ride wasn't so bad on the way home. It was driving to there during rush hour that sucked. Took an extra 5-10 mins during rush hour]." And she said something to the effect earlier of thanking me for a good night (pre-kiss). I'm not going to push the envelope. At least we got the french kiss out of the way. But yeah I'm worried I ****ed the kiss up. We resumed making out after I bit her so can't be too bad right? lol.
> 
> I'm just dying right now because I don't want to ask her out again tonight. I have to at least let it sit a day. But asking her out again is the only way I'll know for sure if she wants to continue dating me. This sucks. Ahhhhhhh.


You're fine. I guarantee it. You done good. If you hadn't gone for a make out at this point she would have been wondering why the hell you were moving so slowly. Just for future reference though: if a situation is awkward, acknowledge it. I mean, it seems like you guys were laughing about it so maybe you did....but in any situation if you own up to it then it's not a big deal. For example, if you're in high school and you fart loud in the middle of class...some people would see that as the death knell of their reputation. But the confident person would just laugh it off, say "oops!", and make some kind of joke about it. Then everyone would laugh with him instead of at him. If there's awkwardness between you and the girl, bring her in on it so you guys both share a funny, goofy moment - and don't act like it bothered you. Again, it sounds like you handled it pretty well, but I'm just saying if that's really the case then you especially have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Here's an idea: next time, when you want to kiss her, just look at her, smile and say, "Hey so...our last make out was a bit awkward..." When she says, "yeh lolz", you say, "Let's make up for it." And go in for the kill.


----------



## AussiePea

rymo said:


> You're fine. I guarantee it. You done good. If you hadn't gone for a make out at this point she would have been wondering why the hell you were moving so slowly. Just for future reference though: if a situation is awkward, acknowledge it. I mean, it seems like you guys were laughing about it so maybe you did....but in any situation if you own up to it then it's not a big deal. For example, if you're in high school and you fart loud in the middle of class...some people would see that as the death knell of their reputation. But the confident person would just laugh it off, say "oops!", and make some kind of joke about it. Then everyone would laugh with him instead of at him. If there's awkwardness between you and the girl, bring her in on it so you guys both share a funny, goofy moment - and don't act like it bothered you. Again, it sounds like you handled it pretty well, but I'm just saying if that's really the case then you especially have absolutely nothing to worry about.
> 
> Here's an idea: next time, when you want to kiss her, just look at her, smile and say, "Hey so...our last make out was a bit awkward..." When she says, "yeh lolz", you say, "Let's make up for it." And go in for the kill.


This is really good advice actually and somethign I will keep in mind for tonight as well. Awkwardness can be almost turned into your favor if the cards are played correctly.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> I don't have all of it, here's the last few parts.
> 
> Me: Yeah, can't wait til the weekend. Anything fun going on with you?
> 
> Her: Nope
> 
> Me: Yeah me neither until Saturday night. I'm still trying to find some new, fun places to go to.
> 
> Her: Yeah lol
> 
> Me: Anyway, what kind of music are you into?
> 
> Her: 80s and 90s alternative. Indie. Country
> 
> Me: Nice, I love some country once in a while. Makes for the best karaoke music IMO. I've gotten into quite a few genres myself...from metal to trance, with a little bit of country and classical in between.
> 
> Her: Awesome
> 
> Me: I saw you're going to school for Medical Assisting, how's that going? What do you like about it?
> 
> And this is it, still waiting for a response


I was getting ready to give you all kinds of critiques but you were more or less okay. She really doesn't seem like she has anything to say, so she is clearly the main culprit. However, if she is giving you short nonsense responses and you still want to keep the conversation going, you _need_ to show her that you're aware of what's going on by calling her out on it. For example:

--------------------------------------

*Me:* Yeah, can't wait til the weekend. Anything fun going on with you?

*Her:* Nope

*Me:* "Nope". You make it sound incredibly depressing! Why nothing going on? Too busy rollerblading with no pants? [just something funny from her profile. in this case I assumed the private thing she admitted in her profile was rollerblading with no pants]

*Her:* lol no

*Me:* Ah a secret then. Cmon. Spill the beans.

--------------------------------------

Now this can go two ways. One, she continues the one-word responses, in which case you drop her like a hot potato OR you simply ask for her number (because at that point what do you have to lose? This DOES work sometimes). Or two, she starts to open up more, and you take it from there.

A girl like this is like a locked trunk, and your words are the crowbar. What you were doing was accepting her one-word answers and constantly changing the subject, which essentially gives her permission to continue that trend. She makes you her dancing monkey, and you have to impress her somehow. Calling her out on her bull****, on the other hand, forces her to engage. It shows her that you can handle yourself and she will start to loosen up and get more involved.

If you run into this again, if you want I can help you with your responses so you get a better idea of things to say.


----------



## AussiePea

Well just got back from the date. I have NO idea how to read it at all, it's scary how naive I am with this kind of thing. It lasted approx 1.5 hours, we grabbed a drink from the bar, walked a few blocks chatting and got a bite to eat and chatted some more however there were a few awkward silences mixed inbetween. Tried to keep the jokes flowing and overall the humour was there though not really "lol" moments to speak of. She offered to walk me back to my car (even though I said her car was in the opposite direction so she would be going out of her way, however she said she enjoys a walk). Got to the bottom of the car park and she said her goodbyes, hug to finish it off and just wished eachother a nice weekend.

Didn't really get any "id like to see you again" vibes though, but as i said I am quite naive with these kinds of things and any signals.

So yeah, really not sure how it went. Guess I should send a "I enjoyed last night hope you are having a great day" type thing tomorrow and judge her perception of the date from her reply from that.

Scary thing for me is that I am not sure I really learned anything from tonight at all. Advice appreciated!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Woke up today with the snow beating down, feeling tired, ill and anxious, what to do? Game of course. Hopped around three coffee houses for a couple of hours, had fun. It's quite amazing how cold approaching just eclipses everything else in your life. 

Sounds like you had a pleasant time, Aussie. If you want to send the text, go for it.


----------



## phoenixwright

I really hope you are right rymo. In the parking lot, we'd french kiss for a little while, break, french kiss, break, french kiss, etc. for like 2-3 minutes. I lost track of long how it was. If she let me resume making out after biting her (she laughed it off like I said), I guess we're good.

I might text her later tonight asking her if she disinfected the bite wound from last night. Maybe tell her that she's going to be a werewolf by the next full moon.

If she agrees to another date, how many days should I give between dates? She had agreed on a sunday date after we had our second date on wednesday but we had to reschedule because she had work early the next morning. So in that case, that would be 4 days apart.

Typically people have sex by date 3-5 and I definitely want sex by date 5. I'm worried because it seems like there's no signs of her wanting me to go over to her place. With her saying things like "better get going, it's going to be a long drive for you [paraphrase]." Date 4 is like second base, third base territory at least. By date 3, most couples in their twenties have probably already had oral sex no? I know I shouldn't focus too much on timelines. But things have to progress if we want them to go anywhere.


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Woke up today with the snow beating down, feeling tired, ill and anxious, what to do? Game of course. Hopped around three coffee houses for a couple of hours, had fun. It's quite amazing how cold approaching just eclipses everything else in your life.


Cold-approaching really does encapsulate most of your free time. You can go out 2xs a week but that's not enough unless you are good already. I think guys have to set a standard and they find that standard by going out a lot and talking to women which makes them continue to raise the bar. I wouldn't change anything though. I love it. At first it sucks but if you do it consecutively for a certain amount of time you just become indifferent to it and you start to really enjoy yourself.

Btw, last night for me was awesome. I really broke through some barriers. I hardly ever get physically intimate with girls I meet at bars and I was the type to always go for numbers mainly, but last night I made it a goal of mine to escalate physically. I ended up kissing 4 girls; made out with one. I approached at least 10 girls. Had a blast the whole time. A big highlight was me just leading. I had two really hot girls I opened outside and 2 minutes later told them to follow me to another bar and they did--that was a big breakthrough for me because I never purposely tried to lead girls around. Just the thought of escalating all night, I was dancing with 5 girls, and the physical escalation really attracted a few of them. One of the girls locked front to front with me and locked the tip of her nose to mine and was all about it. Another I just started dancing with, turned her around in a hug and made out with her. Another girl wanted me to go to a bar with her so I went but she wasn't my type so I later excused myself. Every other girl was pretty hot though. Honestly, I was trying to see if I could escalate to the point where I could take a girl home, which was why I was so physical and leading all night. If I lead and get physical from now on when I go out, it's really going to amp up attraction and make my nights a **** ton better and funner. Being able to lead girls around bars/clubs is HUGE. A month or two practice of this and I'll pretty much mastered the bar scene (hopefully) from numbers to escalation and comfort. I haven't been able to say that confidently till today. Last night was a milestone and a new beginning.

With that said, I've recently learned how different college approaching is compared to bars. Obviously, walking around campus between classes talking to girls, you can't physical escalate (you can but it'd be pretty stupid and weird and pointless tbh), so I've designated college mainly for racking up numbers through the week and on off nights from bars. However, bars, on the other hand, this is where I can really amp it up and go beyond numbers. Waaaaaayyyy beyond numbers :b. Like I said, I'm in this to getter better meeting women, find a level of consistency with the girls I want to date, have options, have abundance and grow in confidence to competence. I am not taking this lightly and this year plan on taking it very far. It is not my goal to have a relationship until I have have become consistent and done certain things. Having a relationship takes you away from the game and learning. I need to keep learning and growing right now. It is relative to weight training, in that if you keep at it you get strong and bigger but once you slack off your muscles atrophy and you get smaller and weaker--the "game" of meeting women is the same way, which incorporates your emotions and environments and attitude--practice is very important. There will always be learning however but true competence with regard to knowing without a doubt I can date who I want when I want and where I want is where I want to be. I will get there. I'm getting very close now. *One of the biggest things you can do is go out often and practice all the time*--I would say more than 3 times a week going hard, at least--and always keep pushing yourself and raising the bar until you are where you want to be. What seems difficult or weird to you now becomes the norm when you get good

I posted an in-depth report on RSD forums. I try to keep it more PG here.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Cold-approaching really does encapsulate most of your free time. You can go out 2xs a week but that's not enough unless you are good already. I think guys have to set a standard and they find that standard by going out a lot and talking to women which makes them continue to raise the bar. I wouldn't change anything though. I love it. At first it sucks but if you do it consecutively for a certain amount of time you just become indifferent to it and you start to really enjoy yourself.
> 
> Btw, last night for me was awesome. I really broke through some barriers. I hardly ever get physically intimate with girls I meet at bars and I was the type to always go for numbers mainly, but last night I made it a goal of mine to escalate physically. I ended up kissing 4 girls; made out with one. I approached at least 10 girls. Had a blast the whole time. A big highlight was me just leading. I had two really hot girls I opened outside and 2 minutes later told them to follow me to another bar and they did--that was a big breakthrough for me because I never purposely tried to lead girls around. Just the thought of escalating all night, I was dancing with 5 girls, and the physical escalation really attracted a few of them. One of the girls locked front to front with me and locked the tip of her nose to mine and was all about it. Another I just started dancing with, turned her around in a hug and made out with her. Another girl wanted me to go to a bar with her so I went but she wasn't my type so I later excused myself. Every other girl was pretty hot though. Honestly, I was trying to see if I could escalate to the point where I could take a girl home, which was why I was so physical and leading all night. If I lead and get physical from now on when I go out, it's really going to amp up attraction and make my nights a **** ton better and funner. Being able to lead girls around bars/clubs is HUGE. A month or two practice of this and I'll pretty much mastered the bar scene (hopefully) from numbers to escalation and comfort. I haven't been able to say that confidently till today. Last night was a milestone and a new beginning.
> 
> With that said, I've recently learned how different college approaching is compared to bars. Obviously, walking around campus between classes talking to girls, you can't physical escalate (you can but it'd be pretty stupid and weird and pointless tbh), so I've designated college mainly for racking up numbers through the week and on off nights from bars. However, bars, on the other hand, this is where I can really amp it up and go beyond numbers. Waaaaaayyyy beyond numbers :b. Like I said, I'm in this to getter better meeting women, find a level of consistency with the girls I want to date, have options, have abundance and grow in confidence to competence. I am not taking this lightly and this year plan on taking it very far. It is not my goal to have a relationship until I have have become consistent and done certain things. Having a relationship takes you away from the game and learning. I need to keep learning and growing right now. It is relative to weight training, in that if you keep at it you get strong and bigger but once you slack off your muscles atrophy and you get smaller and weaker--the "game" of meeting women is the same way, which incorporates your emotions and environments and attitude--practice is very important. There will always be learning however but true competence with regard to knowing without a doubt I can date who I want when I want and where I want is where I want to be. I will get there. I'm getting very close now. *One of the biggest things you can do is go out often and practice all the time*--I would say more than 3 times a week going hard, at least--and always keep pushing yourself and raising the bar until you are where you want to be. What seems difficult or weird to you now becomes the norm when you get good
> 
> I posted an in-depth report on RSD forums. I try to keep it more PG here.


Alright, I've only kissed/made out with a max of 2 girls in one night, gotta step up my game damnit! Awesome work bwidger. I hope this makes you realize that you are a chick magnet and you don't need to prove anything to yourself in this arena anymore. Not to say you shouldn't keep doing it though


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Alright, I've only kissed/made out with a max of 2 girls in one night, gotta step up my game damnit! Awesome work bwidger. I hope this makes you realize that you are a chick magnet and you don't need to prove anything to yourself in this arena anymore. Not to say you shouldn't keep doing it though


Haha, it has never really been a prerogative for me to make out with girls in bars, so it was something I didn't have much experience with.

One a side note, we can meet girls a variety of ways. People don't have to be Neil Strauss or some PUA mascot. This is something that should be personal to you and your journey. Because, in the end, meeting someone is meeting someone no matter how you look at it or how you go about it. Some people want different things, and that's fine.

Oh, I'm going to keep going, for sure. This seems to be one of those things that make you learn stuff you didn't quite expect to happen. It's changed a lot about how I think about things for the better.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger.  

That whole report just oozes abundance.


----------



## rymo

jayjaythejetplane said:


> bwidger.
> 
> That whole report just oozes *abundance*.


----------



## 3raser

Hi  So I met this girl online two months ago, and she has been asking to meet me for a while, I usually came up with excuses not to, but I feel that I might loose her if I continue to do so. :um So next week we are going to have our first date :um I'm really nervous about it as I don't have a huge dating experience.. I've been on dates before and had a gf but that was a while ago. :roll I'm afraid of those awkward silences and about what we're going to talk about. 
Any tips for a first date?


----------



## rymo

3raser said:


> Hi  So I met this girl online two months ago, and she has been asking to meet me for a while, I usually came up with excuses not to, but I feel that I might loose her if I continue to do so. :um So next week we are going to have our first date :um I'm really nervous about it as I don't have a huge dating experience.. I've been on dates before and had a gf but that was a while ago. :roll I'm afraid of those awkward silences and about what we're going to talk about.
> Any tips for a first date?


#1. Don't worry about awkward silences. The more you think about them the more they will turn from normal silences to actual awkward ones. Silences happen, it's just how it is. If you find yourself blanking out, just ask her a question about herself.

#2. On that same note, never fall into interview mode. It is great to ask her questions, but when you ask one, then another, then another, all on different topics, the date becomes boring. Ask one question, then try to see what it leads to. Delve deep, and if you ask more questions, make it about that initial subject or things related to that subject. Engage her.

#3. Don't be afraid to be physical. This includes hugging her when you first see her, touching her lower back, patting her arm, shoulder, or thigh, this kind of thing.

MOST OF ALL: try to have fun. If a girl has a good time, she will be excited for the next date. Getting her excited is the ultimate goal. And the best way to have fun is to relax and be yourself. Smile a lot and have a good time!


----------



## bsd3355

jayjaythejetplane said:


> bwidger.
> 
> That whole report just oozes abundance.


To hell with scarcity 

Btw, bars were super packed last night which means it'll likely be that way for the rest of the semester. If it wasn't for college this town would be dead. I was having serious doubts about my location but it's not bad now. They even built two more bars down the road recently which is freakin awesome. When college is in, this town is a party town and the main party location is downtown at the bars


----------



## 3raser

Thanks rymo  I was thinking about a hug and a kiss when I first see her. Not sure If it works out though .


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> MOST OF ALL: try to have fun. If a girl has a good time, she will be excited for the next date. Getting her excited is the ultimate goal. And the best way to have fun is to relax and be yourself. Smile a lot and have a good time!


This mainly. Don't focus on the process. Focus on enjoying yourself and your company by relaxing and being yourself and talking about stuff that interest you as well as things that interest her. Most girls like to talk a lot so you'll be fine  She's there to want to talk with you so it'll be easy


----------



## StevenGlansberg

StevenGlansberg said:


> My goals for the upcoming weeks:
> 
> Ask friends for advice on going after GIRL A and make a move/ask her out.


She invited me to a group dinner tonight so that's kewl I guess.

Also some girl started talking to me on OKCupid. We'll see how that goes.


----------



## Cyclonic

rymo said:


> I was getting ready to give you all kinds of critiques but you were more or less okay. She really doesn't seem like she has anything to say, so she is clearly the main culprit. However, if she is giving you short nonsense responses and you still want to keep the conversation going, you _need_ to show her that you're aware of what's going on by calling her out on it. For example:
> 
> --------------------------------------
> 
> *Me:* Yeah, can't wait til the weekend. Anything fun going on with you?
> 
> *Her:* Nope
> 
> *Me:* "Nope". You make it sound incredibly depressing! Why nothing going on? Too busy rollerblading with no pants? [just something funny from her profile. in this case I assumed the private thing she admitted in her profile was rollerblading with no pants]
> 
> *Her:* lol no
> 
> *Me:* Ah a secret then. Cmon. Spill the beans.
> 
> --------------------------------------
> 
> Now this can go two ways. One, she continues the one-word responses, in which case you drop her like a hot potato OR you simply ask for her number (because at that point what do you have to lose? This DOES work sometimes). Or two, she starts to open up more, and you take it from there.
> 
> A girl like this is like a locked trunk, and your words are the crowbar. What you were doing was accepting her one-word answers and constantly changing the subject, which essentially gives her permission to continue that trend. She makes you her dancing monkey, and you have to impress her somehow. Calling her out on her bull****, on the other hand, forces her to engage. It shows her that you can handle yourself and she will start to loosen up and get more involved.
> 
> If you run into this again, if you want I can help you with your responses so you get a better idea of things to say.


Thanks man, everything you said made perfect sense.

I even got a response today on the school question I asked her. Of course all I got was "Yeah, it's going well". I have the urge to change the subject, again.


----------



## Rossy

I am not saying too much yet but I think I am not far away from being in a relationship :yes


----------



## rymo

Rossy said:


> I am not saying too much yet but I think I am not far away from being in a relationship :yes


Congrats! And to think, you were one of the more down on yourself people here recently when it came to women. A lot of people on this forum are finally starting to turn their luck around. It's awesome to see.


----------



## Rossy

I know,she has told me she likes me and thinks am hot,I like her alot to going to spend some time with her on Sunday.


----------



## rymo

Anyone live in CT?


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Anyone live in CT?


Are you looking for a wing?

If not, if other guys are looking for a wing in their area, check out this map:

Wing Locator

All these guys are from RSD and are also looking for wings. If you want to remember the name(s) you'd like to contact from the map, PM that name(s) on RSD Forums and talk with them. Their names on the map are their names on RSD nation.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Are you looking for a wing?
> 
> If not, if other guys are looking for a wing in their area, check out this map:
> 
> Wing Locator
> 
> All these guys are from RSD and are also looking for wings. If you want to contact them then you need to PM their the names from the map on RSD Forums and talk with them. Their names on the map are their names on RSD nation.


Meh...I don't want some hardcore PUA dude 'sarging' all up in my shiznit


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Meh...I don't want some hardcore PUA dude 'sarging' all up in my shiznit


If you are approaching girls then I guess that makes you a "PUA" too. That term is thrown around too loosely.

But for the most part, these guys are pretty hardcore. I understand what you mean.

I mostly go out alone. At first it was weird but after a while you realize people don't care and you always meet people every time you go out if you are social. There is always someone willing to talk and mingle to, and it's fun.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> If you are approaching girls then I guess that makes you a "PUA" too. That term is thrown around too loosely.
> 
> But for the most part, these guys are pretty hardcore. I understand what you mean.
> 
> I mostly go out alone. At first it was weird but after a while you realize people don't care and you always meet people every time you go out if you are social. There is always someone willing to talk and mingle to, and it's fun.


Yeh I mean that's how I got started. It's just been so damn long, I'm too rusty. Basically I went on a rampage last year, then near the end got too comfortable and stopped trying to meet new girls for the most part so now I'm a bit out of the game.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Yeh I mean that's how I got started. It's just been so damn long, I'm too rusty. Basically I went on a rampage last year, then near the end got too comfortable and stopped trying to meet new girls for the most part so now I'm a bit out of the game.


You know the story, you need to start somewhere, right? It all builds up. I think for you this shouldnt be an issue


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

A girl from last weekend has just hit me up with a text asking for my plans tomorrow night. I text back saying I'll probably be at X, "Oh me too, I'll ring you so we can meet".


----------



## bsd3355

^how can you be doing so good already? This isnt supposed to happen. You are supposed to struggle and bleed and cry.... jk... i should be getting paid for this....

On a side note, met a girl tonight. Huge chemistry; huge attraction; huge comfort; spent a good amount of time with her... she literally told me to my face she thinks im cute.... she would not leave my side and she had.her legs straddled over me from one bar stool to the other.... if this girl flakes me it has to be a fluke... there is no way in hell i did anything wrong and im 1000% sure she liked me.. if she flakes me it has nothing to do with attraction or chemistry... itll have to be something really stupid like a stigma or something...she loved me

Im typing from my phone right now so sry if it's jumbled. If she flakes.me there is no doubt it is over something completely ridiculous. Will text her tomorrow and find out.


----------



## bsd3355

Btw, saw two girls cold-approaching a dude last night. I was sitting at the bar and heard one of the girls say to their friend, "..look at the guy with the tattoos".... 30 seconds later the girls walk over there and introduce themselves and chat him up. The dude looked like a clean cut mma fighter. They wanted the D 

Lol. So i dont wanna hear no more **** about girls cant approach dudes. They do all the freakin time. I guess these girls are puas, right? Jk  they were pretty girls too


----------



## phoenixwright

I think it's over with me and her. I texted her hey how are you? Early evening yesterday and she hasn't replied. Last weekend she didn't reply to me Friday evening (I texted her 8-ish) but she got back to me the next day in the early am. She seemed eager.

Im sure I ****ed it up. It was the kissing. I'm a bad kisser. And maybe she didn't feel comfortable about doing it in public. I don't need you guys telling me I'm doing good or whatever. I know I'm a social retard and always **** it up somehow unless the girl is psycho. I don't want to be sheltered from the truth.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I think it's over with me and her. I texted her hey how are you? Early evening yesterday and she hasn't replied. Last weekend she didn't reply to me Friday evening (I texted her 8-ish) but she got back to me the next day in the early am. She seemed eager.
> 
> Im sure I ****ed it up. It was the kissing. I'm a bad kisser. And maybe she didn't feel comfortable about doing it in public. I don't need you guys telling me I'm doing good or whatever. I know I'm a social retard and always **** it up somehow unless the girl is psycho. I don't want to be sheltered from the truth.


This is why you don't invest so much energy and emotions on a girl you just meet. You can replicate this with another girl. Another thing that could of helped is if you were talking to another girl as well because this kind of stuff happens. If you want to stay positive and keep dating you should keep talking to more girls. You will find your confidence if you keep dating. This is sometimes just a part of the process. Also, go out and meet girls in real life. It beats online dating hands down and it is much funner

You arent a social retard. This happens to everyone at some point. It has happened to me plenty of times. You are learning. No biggy and good job you should look at what you learned and the positives. You will only come back stronger and more focused. This is how you get good with dating. You have to go through this. Now get back out there dude


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> This is why you don't invest so much energy and emotions on a girl you just meet. You can replicate this with another girl. Another thing that could of helped is if you were talking to another girl as well because this kind of stuff happens. If you want to stay positive and keep dating you should keep talking to more girls. You will find your confidence if you keep dating. This is sometimes just a part of the process. Also, go out and meet girls in real life. It beats online dating hands down and it is much funner


oh I cn replicate this alright. Awful kissing included. Or maybe listening to your making out in public thing is what ****ed me over. She seemed hesitant at first to open-mouth kiss. She kept her lips closed and then opened them when I kept pressing for it. Don't give me this abundance pua bull****. I suck plain and simple. I ****ed it up. I'm a bad kisser. I was too aggressive (thanks I you and my female friend who told me it was ok to do this).


----------



## bsd3355

You have a bad attitude. I have been trying to help you. I wont make that mistake again. Dont blame me for you kissing lol. GL dude.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> You have a bad attitude. I have been trying to help you. I wont make that mistake again. Dont blame me for you kissing lol. GL dude.


instead of addressing what I think is really the problem - what I rally did wrong - you say all this feel good bull**** and don't don't tell me the truth. That I'm a bad kisser, socially awkward and it was probably a bad idea to make out with her in public. Stop sheltering me from the truth. I know how it is. Don't give me this bad attitude bull****. You and rymo talk to me condescendingly like I'm a little boy and aren't straight with me.


----------



## bsd3355

I never told you to frenh kiss her


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> I never told you to frenh kiss her


Oh really?


bwidger85 said:


> Phoenixwright, I either read or heard once before that a man faces thousands of rejections per girl he decides to date or w/e. These are possible rejections, occurring from the rejection of approach, to date, kiss, call, etc., etc., etc.. The reason I bring this up is because eventually you have to realize that dating is about taking risks. If you aren't taking risks then you aren't dating. With that said, you should start stepping up the "risks" you want to do with this girl. Do I mean you _HAVE_ to sleep with her given a certain amount of time, no. What I'm saying is that if there is _something *you* want to do_, as a man, it is almost always your job to take those risks that are required when dating. So think about WHAT YOU WANT to do (a kiss, sex, friendly dating, w/e) and once you know what it is you want to do take that risks and do it because YOU want to do it. The cool part about being a man in the dating scene is that we have the luxury to be that one who is expected to make the moves. A lot of women won't do it for a multitude of reasons, and that's fine. Some will though. Regardless, if you want to make out with this girl then you have to take that risk eventually, and it's the third date, so I say do it even if you are nervous about it. You should respect a woman's decision, but you also need to do it for your sake.
> 
> Regardless, this is way too much thinking for this girl._* If you want to make out with her then do it and stop making excuses; stop wondering "what if" and just freakin' do it!*_ Rejection means nothing, and you should feel pressure to do something by now. There are plenty other fish in the sea. Abundance, my friend. It does not matter what happens.
> 
> Time to step it up dude


Another quote:
Yeah, even if it's uncalibrated and feels weird, I still think it'll be a "good" experience for you.


----------



## Zeeshan

So its unfortunate but due to a lack of success IRL I have gone back to pof.

Have a date on Sunday n Monday with two girls that seem attractive in their pics. Let's find our


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I think it's over with me and her. I texted her hey how are you? Early evening yesterday and she hasn't replied. Last weekend she didn't reply to me Friday evening (I texted her 8-ish) but she got back to me the next day in the early am. She seemed eager.
> 
> Im sure I ****ed it up. It was the kissing. I'm a bad kisser. And maybe she didn't feel comfortable about doing it in public. I don't need you guys telling me I'm doing good or whatever. I know I'm a social retard and always **** it up somehow unless the girl is psycho. I don't want to be sheltered from the truth.


Its possible that u kissing her made her feel nothing n she realized she wasn't attracted


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^how can you be doing so good already? This isnt supposed to happen. You are supposed to struggle and bleed and cry.... jk... i should be getting paid for this....
> 
> On a side note, met a girl tonight. Huge chemistry; huge attraction; huge comfort; spent a good amount of time with her... she literally told me to my face she thinks im cute.... she would not leave my side and she had.her legs straddled over me from one bar stool to the other.... if this girl flakes me it has to be a fluke... there is no way in hell i did anything wrong and im 1000% sure she liked me.. if she flakes me it has nothing to do with attraction or chemistry... itll have to be something really stupid like a stigma or something...she loved me
> 
> Im typing from my phone right now so sry if it's jumbled. If she flakes.me there is no doubt it is over something completely ridiculous. Will text her tomorrow and find out.


Very good chance that if u text she will flake. Call her!


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

bwidger85 said:


> On a side note, met a girl tonight. Huge chemistry; huge attraction; huge comfort; spent a good amount of time with her... she literally told me to my face she thinks im cute.... she would not leave my side and she had.her legs straddled over me from one bar stool to the other.... if this girl flakes me it has to be a fluke... there is no way in hell i did anything wrong and im 1000% sure she liked me.. if she flakes me it has nothing to do with attraction or chemistry... itll have to be something really stupid like a stigma or something...she loved me


Awesome. Keep us noted.



phoenixwright said:


> Don't give me this abundance pua bull****.


In your case I'd say it's very much the answer. You've spent the last week obsessing over a kiss with one girl. There's an infinite amount of ways it could have gone wrong (not just the kiss) so when it happens it's obviously going to hit you hard because at the time it's your entire world. Learn from the experience, take joy from the fact you did something outside of your comfort zone and move on.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Oh really?
> 
> Another quote:
> Yeah, even if it's uncalibrated and feels weird, I still think it'll be a "good" experience for you.


How else are you going to learn to be a better kisser if you don't DO it? And I still say you didn't screw anything up - did you ask her on another date yet?

Btw, like I said earlier - next time acknowledge the awkwardness, and it won't be a big deal AT ALL. Also, this is the time where you learn from your mistakes, not kill yourself for every little issue. You have to take risks and go for it to get ANYWHERE, but you can't be so negative about the outcome of those risks or you won't learn from them.

Finally - if you did totally screw things up with this girl, I would give it a 95% chance that it had nothing to to do with the kiss itself and instead either your handling of the aftermath or something else entirely. But ask her on another date and see what happens. By the way - when you do get another date, do not apologize for the awkward make out session. Like I keep repeating - be a man, own up to it in a non-apologetic way (humor works best), and do it again until you've gotten that **** down.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Oh really?
> 
> Another quote:
> Yeah, even if it's uncalibrated and feels weird, I still think it'll be a "good" experience for you.


I thought itd be an awkward exp for you. What doesnt kill u makes u stronger. Whether u think im full of **** or not , i dont really care


----------



## Zeeshan

Phoenix why don't you give her a call see what's on her mind


----------



## phoenixwright

I already texted her "hey how are you?" Last night around 5:30-ish. She hasn't got back to me. That is unlike her. Last time I texted her in a Friday night to go over date plans she was busy but get back to me the next day around 7 am (on a Saturday!)

She did reply to me right away after the date on thursday when I asked her how was the drive (the snow and road conditions were bad out and I asked her out of concern). It seemed like she was too cool when she replied back but that could be my imagination Making liberal Interpretations. We had a bit of an exchange.


----------



## phoenixwright

jayjaythejetplane said:


> In your case I'd say it's very much the answer. You've spent the last week obsessing over a kiss with one girl. There's an infinite amount of ways it could have gone wrong (not just the kiss) so when it happens it's obviously going to hit you hard because at the time it's your entire world. Learn from the experience, take joy from the fact you did something outside of your comfort zone and move on.


I was talking to another girl as well and we had set up a date (but then she had to postpone).

Look I know you're a ladiesman and all that and go ahead and toot your horn. But I'm a real social retard with REAL problems alright? You don't have social anxiety. I have issues. Don't give me all this PUA bull**** and expect it to work for me. I'm a loser.

And Rymo, you expect me to keep kissing all these girls and keep ****ing up until I get it right? You have any idea how much ****ing work it takes just to get to the point of kissing one girl? I know my limitations. You don't. I have real issues. You don't. I'm not just socially anxious. I'm really ****ed up. I likely have Asperger's Syndrome. I'll never be normal like you. And I should give up trying to be normal. The only thing keeping me from offing myself right now is the fact that I can always pay a hooker to **** me. Thank God.

Is this a ****ing social anxiety forum or a PUA forum? When people like me or WinterTale have real issues, you minimize that ****. When you're all you guys were just a little shy to begin with and just needed that extra push. And now you are more boss than the average guy. Why? Because you had a little bit of social anxiety at best. You don't have my social retardation issues.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

This "ladies man" is a virgin btw.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I was talking to another girl as well and we had set up a date (but then she had to postpone).
> 
> Look I know you're a ladiesman and all that and go ahead and toot your horn. But I'm a real social retard with REAL problems alright? You don't have social anxiety. I have issues. Don't give me all this PUA bull**** and expect it to work for me. I'm a loser.
> 
> And Rymo, you expect me to keep kissing all these girls and keep ****ing up until I get it right? You have any idea how much ****ing work it takes just to get to the point of kissing one girl? I know my limitations. You don't. I have real issues. You don't. I'm not just socially anxious. I'm really ****ed up. I likely have Asperger's Syndrome. I'll never be normal like you. And I should give up trying to be normal. The only thing keeping me from offing myself right now is the fact that I can always pay a hooker to **** me. Thank God.
> 
> Is this a ****ing social anxiety forum or a PUA forum? When people like me or WinterTale have real issues, you minimize that ****. When you're all you guys were just a little shy to begin with and just needed that extra push. And now you are more boss than the average guy. Why? Because you had a little bit of social anxiety at best. You don't have my social retardation issues.


Just realize how fine you were before this kiss. You were doing well. You weren't being 'socially retarded' or anything like that. You were talking to multiple girls, kissing this one, going on dates. What's better than that? What's more normal than that? I know it doesn't necessarily feel like you're conquering the world in your head but the reality of the situation is that you really were doing awesome. And now, because of a make-out session, you are blowing everything out of proportion. I gotta say, a lot of guys on this forum would love to have your problems ;p Think about how many guys who haven't even gotten a kiss would love to 'mess up' a makeout session. Stop downplaying your social abilities. You are freaking out about nothing you did wrong. You can only do the best you can, that's all you should expect from yourself - and that's what you did.


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways see if there is a play here.

In one of my classes in November there was this really smoking hot chic 8+. it was obvious that i was quite taken by her. Eventually i had the balls to start talking with her, and flirting with her. I was going to ask her out, but the day i was going to do it, i found out she had a boyfriend.

Anyways she added me on Linkedin, and i am just wondering if there is any play here. we did have a connection of sorts, lots of gazing, flirty talk, smiling

whats my play here, any play at all?

Edit: Her relationship status does say she is single? I really want to go for this, she is just drop dead gorgeous


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Just realize how fine you were before this kiss. You were doing well. You weren't being 'socially retarded' or anything like that. You were talking to multiple girls, kissing this one, going on dates. What's better than that? What's more normal than that? I know it doesn't necessarily feel like you're conquering the world in your head but the reality of the situation is that you really were doing awesome. And now, because of a make-out session, you are blowing everything out of proportion. I gotta say, a lot of guys on this forum would love to have your problems ;p Think about how many guys who haven't even gotten a kiss would love to 'mess up' a makeout session. Stop downplaying your social abilities. You are freaking out about nothing you did wrong. You can only do the best you can, that's all you should expect from yourself - and that's what you did.


The problem here is that I realize I'm good looking and women appear eager and **** in the beginning. And yeah I'm improving socially to a degree. But I have severe limitations still. And I don't think you can sweep the whole Asperger's Syndrome thing under the rug. I think I have it. And it severely limits my abilities. I've got more serious issues than you, zeeshan, bwidger or jay ever had probably. And I need to be realistic and understand that it just may never happen. The relationship thing is probably an area where I'm not going to find success.

She still hasn't responded to my "hey how are you?" from last night. You know what, instead of letting you and my female friend handhold me the whole time, I'm going to make my own call. I'm going to apologize for what happened on Thursday. She's a therapist. If she likes me, she's not going to ****list me for doing that.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> The problem here is that I realize I'm good looking and women appear eager and **** in the beginning. And yeah I'm improving socially to a degree. But I have severe limitations still. And I don't think you can sweep the whole Asperger's Syndrome thing under the rug. I think I have it. And it severely limits my abilities. I've got more serious issues than you, zeeshan, bwidger or jay ever had probably. And I need to be realistic and understand that it just may never happen. The relationship thing is probably an area where I'm not going to find success.
> 
> She still hasn't responded to my "hey how are you?" from last night. You know what, instead of letting you and my female friend handhold me the whole time, I'm going to make my own call. I'm going to apologize for what happened on Thursday. She's a therapist. If she likes me, she's not going to ****list me for doing that.


Exactly go for it be honest and sincere.


----------



## phoenixwright

I texted her just now that I was sorry I made her feel uncomfortable on Thursday.
She texted me back immediately that I didn't.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I texted her just now that I was sorry I made her feel uncomfortable on Thursday.
> She texted me back immediately that I didn't.


Maybe she is playing hard to get


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Maybe she is playing hard to get


No I don't think so. She was obviously avoiding me because she never got back to me last night when I said hey. And now that I open with an apology she gets back to me right away. Something is up and she's being too nice to tell me straight "phoenix, you're a terrible kisser and you made me feel uncomfortable kissing me in public. You're probably a virgin too I bet since there's no way a guy who has slept with women can ever kiss that badly"


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> No I don't think so. She was obviously avoiding me because she never got back to me last night when I said hey. And now that I open with an apology she gets back to me right away. Something is up and she's being too nice to tell me straight "phoenix, you're a terrible kisser and you made me feel uncomfortable kissing me in public. You're probably a virgin too I bet since there's no way a guy who has slept with women can ever kiss that badly"


Yea that's possible but its more likely that she's just not into you


----------



## komorikun

Well, maybe there is no one recipe for getting women that will work for all men. What might work for one guy won't work for others.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> No I don't think so. She was obviously avoiding me because she never got back to me last night when I said hey. And now that I open with an apology she gets back to me right away. Something is up and she's being too nice to tell me straight "phoenix, you're a terrible kisser and you made me feel uncomfortable kissing me in public. You're probably a virgin too I bet since there's no way a guy who has slept with women can ever kiss that badly"


Well, one on hand I'm glad you are taking things into your own hands. On the other, I highly disagree with an apology in this situation. What the **** did you do that was so wrong? You're going to apologize for making out with a girl who likes you and you've already kissed? _* ARE YOU KIDDING?*_


----------



## phoenixwright

Ok I just asked her out again. Pretty sure she's going to say no. Or say this week is not good. Or otherwise flake. Or just plain not respond. Story of my life. Please just don't let me down easy and/or string me along. Let me down hard. It's the easiest way for me to move on.

I'm so confident that date #4 will not happen that I will buy Zeeshan a beer in the next Toronto Peeps meetup if it does happen. And trust me, I really do want to buy you that beer. That's how much little confidence I have in myself.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> No I don't think so. She was obviously avoiding me because she never got back to me last night when I said hey. And now that I open with an apology she gets back to me right away. Something is up and she's being too nice to tell me straight "phoenix, you're a terrible kisser and you made me feel uncomfortable kissing me in public. You're probably a virgin too I bet since there's no way a guy who has slept with women can ever kiss that badly"


Thanks for flipping out on me and rymo for nothing bro


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Well, one on hand I'm glad you are taking things into your own hands. On the other, I highly disagree with an apology in this situation. What the **** did you do that was so wrong? You're going to apologize for making out with a girl who likes you and you've already kissed? _* ARE YOU KIDDING?*_


She wasn't opening her lips right away when I had went for the french kiss. She was hesitating. She only opened them after a certain point. I think she eventually caved in because she didn't want to reject me in-person and hurt my feelings. For that, I feel she deserves an apology. Like I kept persisting. I shouldn't have.



bwidger85 said:


> Thanks for flipping out on me and rymo for nothing bro


How did I flip out on you guys for nothing? She's just being polite by saying I didn't make her feel uncomfortable. I now asked her out on a date and she's radio silent right now [oh and you better ****ing believe that I want to end up looking like an idiot when she texts me back in the positive but I'm confident that I'm right unfortunately. ]


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> She wasn't opening her lips right away when I had went for the french kiss. She was hesitating. She only opened them after a certain point. I think she eventually caved in because she didn't want to reject me in-person and hurt my feelings. For that, I feel she deserves an apology. Like I kept persisting. I shouldn't have.
> 
> How did I flip out on you guys for nothing? She's just being polite by saying I didn't make her feel uncomfortable. I now asked her out on a date and she's radio silent right now [oh and you better ****ing believe that I want to end up looking like an idiot when she texts me back in the positive but I'm confident that I'm right unfortunately. ]


Perhaps she is not experienced in kissing


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Perhaps she is not experienced in kissing


She's a therapist! Helping people with relationship issues is one of the many parts of her job description.


----------



## phoenixwright

Her: I actually don't really think we have enough romantic chemistry to really pursue this...
Me: Fair enough
Her: Good luck though. :/

See? You think I'm stupid or something? I saw this coming a mile away. I was right. You were all wrong. I should have trusted my instincts. I'm never going to have this connection with anyone. I'm a social retard. Have Asperger's most likely. It's not meant to happen for me.

My gay friend has an alternative theory. He thinks that I didn't **** it up by kissing her. He says that with texting you can't really tell if someone is really being eager or not. They can appear to be but not really be eager. And that yeah when I went to kiss her and she was hesitating, that was a sign right there.

Am I wrong? I think the open-mouth kiss would have been more natural if the requisite chemistry was there. I think the condo invite would have been coming if it was there. Women are not totally passive creatures.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Her: I actually don't really think we have enough romantic chemistry to really pursue this...
> Me: Fair enough
> Her: Good luck though. :/
> 
> See? You think I'm stupid or something? I saw this coming a mile away. I was right. You were all wrong. I should have trusted my instincts. I'm never going to have this connection with anyone. I'm a social retard. Have Asperger's most likely. It's not meant to happen for me.
> 
> My gay friend has an alternative theory. He thinks that I didn't **** it up by kissing her. He says that with texting you can't really tell if someone is really being eager or not. They can appear to be but not really be eager. And that yeah when I went to kiss her and she was hesitating, that was a sign right there.
> 
> Am I wrong? I think the open-mouth kiss would have been more natural if the requisite chemistry was there. I think the condo invite would have been coming if it was there. Women are not totally passive creatures.


You kissed her. She didn't feel anything she realized she didn't want to kiss back n that she wasn't interested

Its that simple. A relationship I'd like a key fitting into a lock yours didn't fit into hers. Move on

Let me know if you want to wing me sometime


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> You kissed her. She didn't feel anything she realized she didn't want to kiss back n that she wasn't interested
> 
> Its that simple. A relationship I'd like a key fitting into a lock yours didn't fit into hers. Move on
> 
> Let me know if you want to wing me sometime


There's some mixed signals there. On the second date she was signalling (leaning forward and putting out her lips) for me to kiss her again after I had kissed her once (closed mouth). But yeah when I tried to go for an open-mouth kiss on this third date, she was resisting until she just let me afterwards (probably because I kept persisting and she felt uncomfortable with totally rejecting me like that).

My gut instinct was telling me not to french kiss her but I did it because my female friend and the guys on here were telling me to do it. I guess my instinct was right. With the previous girl, I trusted my instinct and I was right to do so. I'm not saying it's your fault guys. I think you guys actually need to be there to really tell for sure. My body probably knows more than I let on.

And yeah I probably ended up biting her due to lack of chemistry. lol.

It's so frustrating though because there is that lack of chemistry with girl after girl after girl after girl...


----------



## SilentLyric

nothing really I can do with no car or money or opportunity to meet girls. I need more time.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Her: I actually don't really think we have enough romantic chemistry to really pursue this...
> Me: Fair enough
> Her: Good luck though. :/
> 
> See? You think I'm stupid or something? I saw this coming a mile away. I was right. You were all wrong. I should have trusted my instincts. I'm never going to have this connection with anyone. I'm a social retard. Have Asperger's most likely. It's not meant to happen for me.
> 
> My gay friend has an alternative theory. He thinks that I didn't **** it up by kissing her. He says that with texting you can't really tell if someone is really being eager or not. They can appear to be but not really be eager. And that yeah when I went to kiss her and she was hesitating, that was a sign right there.
> 
> Am I wrong? I think the open-mouth kiss would have been more natural if the requisite chemistry was there. I think the condo invite would have been coming if it was there. Women are not totally passive creatures.


You should have trusted your instincts and done what, exactly? You either escalate things physically and find out one way or the other whether she's into you, or you don't and drag things out for no reason. Where does not escalating physically get you, exactly? I don't understand.

About making out with a girl: considering you can make out with some girls within minutes of meeting them, say at a bar or something, it is more than acceptable to do so on your third date, especially since you've already kissed a few times. In fact I don't see why you wouldn't do it on the first date, or second at the latest. Regardless, if you go for a makeout and it turns out she's not feeling you, it has nothing to do with the makeout. It has to do with how much she already likes you. What girl is going to turn down a guy she really likes because he was a little awkward making out with her? You keep putting the blame on everyone and everything else but I can guarantee it was something else that she just wasn't feeling, not the makeout sesh.

Man, you just refuse to analyze yourself in a positive manner that you can learn from. I remember a date I went on in the summer that was half okay and half pretty awkward. I was tired as hell going into it, I didn't comb my hair, I was just a mess. But I tried my best, and even ended up making out with the girl at the end of the night. We texted a few times after that but essentially she just kind of ignored me after a certain point. I was initially super pissed - "I thought we had something! We made out, so what the hell?" I thought. I even made a thread about it: "Does a makeout guarantee a second date?" I can tell you now that it doesn't haha.

Anyway, once I calmed down I realized that I was just WAY off my game that night. She probably thought I was cute and she had a decent time, but there was just too much awkwardness there. And it was true. I couldn't relax all that much because of how tired and unkempt I was. I was just getting back into the game after a hiatus. All of these things added up to a less than ideal experience. But instead of blaming everyone else but myself, I corrected a few mental errors I had about my conversational ability, I decided not to go into a date super tired anymore, and I would work on relaxing more during a date. It wasn't easy to do this, but I sucked up my pride and did it anyway.

In other words, quit ya *****in.


----------



## bsd3355

Im done tryna help pheonix. Man up and move on. im done with this discussion. I like helping ppl but you obviously dont appreciate us helping and you just blame us for your problems. Im not tryna discourage him from posting because he has every right to but im done. moving on...

Anyway, i thought this girl from last night wasnt gonna text me back but 4 hrs later i got her text. She was working. She's only in town till monday i think so im going to try and set up a date today or tomorrow if things go decently. I really like this girl's personality. We really clicked. Id be disappointed if we dont.hang out or she disappears. She technically lives in mentor which is 40-50 mins from me but here till monday.


----------



## bsd3355

SilentLuke said:


> nothing really I can do with no car or money or opportunity to meet girls. I need more time.


You actually can meet girls with no money or a car but it would be harder. Just have them pick you up and do a free date. No limits to dating


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> You actually can meet girls with no money or a car but it would be harder. Just have them pick you up and do a free date. No limits to dating


Does that really work?


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Does that really work?


It would be hard


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Does that really work?


Of course. If the girl likes you enough she'll pick him up to hang out regardless. Besides, it's only a date to hang out. He isnt asking her to marry him. Some girls wouldnt do it tho but a lot of girls wont do a lot of things so whats new? If you are a cool guy shell pick u up just dint make a big deal about it


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> Of course. If the girl likes you enough she'll pick him up to hang out regardless. Besides, it's only a date to hang out. He isnt asking her to marry him


Maybe if you already know the person and are friends. But I don't think that would happen with online dating. Only if the chick was really desperate.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Maybe if you already know the person and are friends. But I don't think that would happen with online dating. Only if the chick was really desperate.


Yeah prob not often with online dating unless they chatted on.the phone for a while. I was thinking if you met in person and hit it off

I used to have girls come to my house off plentyoffish on the first date. I swear to god. Of course that's when i was messaging like a robot and most the girls i didnt like. I made a post about it a few years ago about a girl i met off pof who came to my house the first.hang out. I can probably count five or more that did. All the rest flaked me as usual


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways see if there is a play here.
> 
> In one of my classes in November there was this really smoking hot chic 8+. it was obvious that i was quite taken by her. Eventually i had the balls to start talking with her, and flirting with her. I was going to ask her out, but the day i was going to do it, i found out she had a boyfriend.
> 
> Anyways she added me on Linkedin, and i am just wondering if there is any play here. we did have a connection of sorts, lots of gazing, flirty talk, smiling
> 
> whats my play here, any play at all?
> 
> Edit: Her relationship status does say she is single? I really want to go for this, she is just drop dead gorgeous


So I left her a message with my phone number let her know that I thought she was cute n that if she wasnt seeing anyone n interested to call or text me

Was my only play here


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So I left her a message with my phone number let her know that I thought she was cute n that if she wasnt seeing anyone n interested to call or text me
> 
> Was my only play here


I would of prob tried talking to her a little first before contact information, but considering you did it already you just have to wait it out. I dont think there is a strong chance she will contact you unless you really made an impression in november, which i remember you talking about btw for the challenge... chances are slim i would assume but ya nvr know.. i also like to.get the girl's number personally. If she contacts you assume its on

But!....

Its really really good you are straightforward and honest with this girl. That will get you the farthest usually and if you are just cool about it girls respect your honesty. You typically do not want to hide your intent. You should not hide the fact that you want to talk to.girls and they should know that. Just dont be weird about it. Its totally natural to go after women you like openly

Edit* sorry, i just realized you did ask a question!


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> You should have trusted your instincts and done what, exactly? You either escalate things physically and find out one way or the other whether she's into you, or you don't and drag things out for no reason. Where does not escalating physically get you, exactly? I don't understand.
> 
> About making out with a girl: considering you can make out with some girls within minutes of meeting them, say at a bar or something, it is more than acceptable to do so on your third date, especially since you've already kissed a few times. In fact I don't see why you wouldn't do it on the first date, or second at the latest. Regardless, if you go for a makeout and it turns out she's not feeling you, it has nothing to do with the makeout. It has to do with how much she already likes you. What girl is going to turn down a guy she really likes because he was a little awkward making out with her? You keep putting the blame on everyone and everything else but I can guarantee it was something else that she just wasn't feeling, not the makeout sesh.
> 
> Man, you just refuse to analyze yourself in a positive manner that you can learn from. I remember a date I went on in the summer that was half okay and half pretty awkward. I was tired as hell going into it, I didn't comb my hair, I was just a mess. But I tried my best, and even ended up making out with the girl at the end of the night. We texted a few times after that but essentially she just kind of ignored me after a certain point. I was initially super pissed - "I thought we had something! We made out, so what the hell?" I thought. I even made a thread about it: "Does a makeout guarantee a second date?" I can tell you now that it doesn't haha.
> 
> Anyway, once I calmed down I realized that I was just WAY off my game that night. She probably thought I was cute and she had a decent time, but there was just too much awkwardness there. And it was true. I couldn't relax all that much because of how tired and unkempt I was. I was just getting back into the game after a hiatus. All of these things added up to a less than ideal experience. But instead of blaming everyone else but myself, I corrected a few mental errors I had about my conversational ability, I decided not to go into a date super tired anymore, and I would work on relaxing more during a date. It wasn't easy to do this, but I sucked up my pride and did it anyway.
> 
> In other words, quit ya *****in.


im not saying I don't have problems. I'm saying I do have problems! But what I'm also saying is that by telling me to go for it when the girl isn't into me, that is bad advice. If a girl likes you, she'll let you know. And you guys were telling me this girl liked me based on her behaviour when really she didn't!

I'm not quite sure why she leaned in for a second kiss on date # 2 (closed mouth) though if she wasn't feeling the romantic chemistry? What is up with that? lol. Instinctually something was telling me not to French her and my instinct was right. I also found it odd how she was appearing eager via text. But I guess she was faking it. Or text does a poor job of conveying feeling.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> im not saying I don't have problems. I'm saying I do have problems! But what I'm also saying is that by telling me to go for it when the girl isn't into me, that is bad advice. If a girl likes you, she'll let you know. And you guys were telling me this girl liked me based on her behaviour when really she didn't!
> 
> I'm not quite sure why she leaned in for a second kiss on date # 2 (closed mouth) though if she wasn't feeling the romantic chemistry? What is up with that? lol. Instinctually something was telling me not to French her and my instinct was right. I also found it odd how she was appearing eager via text. But I guess she was faking it. Or text does a poor job of conveying feeling.


#1. We gave the best advice we could based on how you described what was going on. Your second paragraph proves that. She leaned in for a kiss. My theory is that she was feeling it at first - something new, something exciting, but things changed somewhere along the line. You have to look inside yourself and what went on to truly determine what that was.

#2. If she wasn't feeling you anyway before you made out with her, WHO CARES if you went for it? You made out with a girl lol. What's the difference at that point? In other words, if it was already a lost cause at that point then what's the difference if you made out with her or not? You're viewing this from the WRONG perspective. Next time you are in this situation, based on your current attitude you will take things even more slowly and hesitate even more. WRONG attitude to have.

#3. Don't ever say you can't do it, or being suave or aggressive isn't YOU. Because you DID do it.

#4. No girl I've ever been with besides perhaps my ex has EVER randomly just straight up told me she likes me, and my ex only did it because she is the rare extremely aggressive type. Girls will give you signals, sure. But tell you? Invite you over? Make all the moves? Er...um...no. Don't you know that's generally the guy's job? Being bold in your moves is NOT a bad thing. It's a GOOD thing. It shows confidence, yadda yadda yadda.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> #1. We gave the best advice we could based on how you described what was going on. Your second paragraph proves that. She leaned in for a kiss. My theory is that she was feeling it at first - something new, something exciting, but things changed somewhere along the line. You have to look inside yourself and what went on to truly determine what that was.
> 
> #2. If she wasn't feeling you anyway before you made out with her, WHO CARES if you went for it? You made out with a girl lol. What's the difference at that point? In other words, if it was already a lost cause at that point then what's the difference if you made out with her or not? You're viewing this from the WRONG perspective. Next time you are in this situation, based on your current attitude you will take things even more slowly and hesitate even more. WRONG attitude to have.
> 
> #3. Don't ever say you can't do it, or being suave or aggressive isn't YOU. Because you DID do it.
> 
> #4. No girl I've ever been with besides perhaps my ex has EVER randomly just straight up told me she likes me, and my ex only did it because she is the rare extremely aggressive type. Girls will give you signals, sure. But tell you? Invite you over? Make all the moves? Er...um...no. Don't you know that's generally the guy's job? Being bold in your moves is NOT a bad thing. It's a GOOD thing. It shows confidence, yadda yadda yadda.


Well how the hell am I supposed to know what changed between the second date and the third? We had a movie date for the third so there wasn't much opportunity to talk with each other. And she seemed in a hurry to get home. Didn't really wanna talk much after the movie. Is it probable that the whole leaning in for a second kiss thing probably didn't really mean anything? Honestly it felt like momentum died down after the second and third date. I felt some momentum there on the first date. I was slightly aroused after kissing her on the lips twice on the first date. And yet I was a wet noodle after making out with her for a couple minutes on the third date. There's something different there maybe? Honestly after the second date and especially the third, I felt like I definitely couldn't be in a relationship with her. I'd sleep with her but I didn't feel like I could see her as a girlfriend.

I think the key thing may be that she specifically used the words "_romantic _chemistry".

After we set up the place/date/time for date #3, I stopped texting her. Then she texted me after four days. Maybe that was it. According to her OKCupid match answers, apathy is the trait that she is most turned off by in a partner. Maybe she wanted me to talk with her everyday? My female friend said that I should have been talking with her every day.

I feel almost like texting her asking her for feedback. Saying that I've had a string of bad luck recently with dating and wondered if there was something I'm doing wrong or not doing.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Well how the hell am I supposed to know what changed between the second date and the third? We had a movie date for the third so there wasn't much opportunity to talk with each other. And she seemed in a hurry to get home. Didn't really wanna talk much after the movie. Is it probable that the whole leaning in for a second kiss thing probably didn't really mean anything? Honestly it felt like momentum died down after the second and third date. I felt some momentum there on the first date. I was slightly aroused after kissing her on the lips twice on the first date. And yet I was a wet noodle after making out with her for a couple minutes on the third date. There's something different there maybe? Honestly after the second date and especially the third, I felt like I definitely couldn't be in a relationship with her. I'd sleep with her but I didn't feel like I could see her as a girlfriend.
> 
> I think the key thing may be that she specifically used the words "_romantic _chemistry".
> 
> After we set up the place/date/time for date #3, I stopped texting her. Then she texted me after four days. Maybe that was it. According to her OKCupid match answers, apathy is the trait that she is most turned off by in a partner. Maybe she wanted me to talk with her everyday? My female friend said that I should have been talking with her every day.
> 
> I feel almost like texting her asking her for feedback. Saying that I've had a string of bad luck recently with dating and wondered if there was something I'm doing wrong or not doing.


The fact that you're wanting to ask her for feedback tells me that you're still relying on women for validation. This is an obvious statement. We know that you do this, as do a lot of us. It's a confidence thing. But here's the thing: girls are good at sniffing out insecurity in a man and perhaps that's exactly what happened. So it probably wasn't anything specific, just a vibe she started to get. And believe me, it's happened to all of us. "Like what the hell? Things seemed to be going so well! What did I do wrong?" Sometimes it's insecurity on your part. Sometimes you can simply chalk it up to incompatibility. The most important thing is to not beat yourself up about it and try to move on as much as you can.


----------



## blackeroni

Psychic techniques and Law of attraction

Virginity currently at 100%

If my wanker goes only half in her then I lose 50% of my virginity.


----------



## takumiyamamoto

I am going to try to ask a girl to see a movie with me or hang out at the mall (if my parents don't get upset at my grades and yell at meL


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I love game!

I didn't even have any plans tonight, but me and a friend provided each other with motivation and we were out for around six hours in total. In that time I got two number closes (one of which was really solid) and a make out session. I also experienced my very first frame war which was hilarious. Considering we had very little money it was a great night out and the reference points are stacking up nicely. 

Is anyone else starting to thrive off approach anxiety? At the beginning it was very much crippling, but now it excites me. It's like being on the edge of a cliff and staring down into the ocean and all I want to do is dive in. Man, I wish I could go back in time and tell 2012 me it does get easier. :\


----------



## bsd3355

blackeroni said:


> Psychic techniques and Law of attraction
> 
> Virginity currently at 100%
> 
> If my wanker goes only half in her then I lose 50% of my virginity.


lol wtf?



takumiyamamoto said:


> I am going to try to ask a girl to see a movie with me or hang out at the mall (if my parents don't get upset at my grades and yell at meL


Good luck! Let us know how it goes! 



jayjaythejetplane said:


> I love game!
> 
> I didn't even have any plans tonight, but me and a friend provided each other with motivation and we were out for around six hours in total. In that time I got two number closes (one of which was really solid) and a make out session. I also experienced my very first frame war which was hilarious. Considering we had very little money it was a great night out and the reference points are stacking up nicely.
> 
> Is anyone else starting to thrive off approach anxiety? At the beginning it was very much crippling, but now it excites me. It's like being on the edge of a cliff and staring down into the ocean and all I want to do is dive in. Man, I wish I could go back in time and tell 2012 me it does get easier. :\


I frickin' love it too

Once again, I think it is incredibly inspiring how things are going for you. Most people struggle with this at first. More importantly, I think, is that you have proven to yourself that all this "SA" stuff is just a mind set. It doesn't matter. As humans, we should all thank our lucky stars that we are designed to adapt, overcome and be flexible with change. Yes, it DOES get easier! I'm glad you are experiencing this.

As far as the approach anxiety thing goes, I am beginning to realize how to surpass that and enjoy every approach. I haven't got there yet but, for me at least, it involves getting social and changing your state within. It seems so basic but it is powerful. No one else here will probably care, and I share this with you because I sincerely believe it, but Alex from RSD talks about stages of the night and how you feel. He says that what happens usually for him is that he first experiences anxiety at the beginning of the night; next, it's relaxation; next, boredom; finally, because he is bored he wants to seek out fun experiences. This is kind of big for me because when you approach with anxiety you are approaching with some type of resistance inside of you, and if you take Alex's example, you go from being bored to wanting to seek entertainment to amuse yourself; therefore, you aren't coming form a place of resistance inside. So with approach anxiety there is resistance; when you come from a place in your mind that you want to seek amusement and you approach from that mentality then it breaks that resistance and you are less stifled and I'm finding I'm having a **** on of fun approaching now! This is kind of advanced stuff that you may or may not care to hear, but it's always been about how I feel inside, and so I heard this and experienced it and what do you know it works a lot! It's about coming from a place inside of you that is excited about talking, and approaching, and not a place of anxiety. Huge for me.

To recap if you are interested (if not, then w/e):

1. Anxiety
2. Relaxation
3. Boredom
4. Seeking entertainment; wanting to approach

EDIT* Screw it, I just deleted the link haha. It's kind of all over the place and makes me look like a douche bag LOL


----------



## bsd3355

Last night was pretty good. I got 4 numbers, a make out and lots of physical escalation. Had some girls blow me out a couple times. The one thing I don't like is that so many girls flake after giving me their numbers, and I think what is going on is that I haven't build that type of connection like I did with the other night so I'm thinking leading a girl around a little more.

I realize I'm starting to get too in-depth here and talking about "game" so I'm going to tone it down and just try to keep it more normal for this forum. I think this place is best to share information on how to overcome your fears and learning how to believe in yourself. This "game" stuff probably isn't the best stuff for this site. I'll try to keep it more normal lol. I'll save all that "game" stuff for another site where it is probably more appropriate and better suited to discuss 

I've said this before and I'll say it again: respect is huge; humbleness; vulnerability, so going out to meet girls is more about being yourself confidently, not some macho try hard moron. Be yourself but learn how to be confident as yourself and in what you are doing


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> The fact that you're wanting to ask her for feedback tells me that you're still relying on women for validation. This is an obvious statement. We know that you do this, as do a lot of us. It's a confidence thing. But here's the thing: girls are good at sniffing out insecurity in a man and perhaps that's exactly what happened. So it probably wasn't anything specific, just a vibe she started to get. And believe me, it's happened to all of us. "Like what the hell? Things seemed to be going so well! What did I do wrong?" Sometimes it's insecurity on your part. Sometimes you can simply chalk it up to incompatibility. The most important thing is to not beat yourself up about it and try to move on as much as you can.


I don't think it has anything to do with insecurity killing the chemistry. I don't think the chemistry was really there to begin with! You look through it all from a PUA lens. For all I know, leaning in for the second kiss on the second date probably didn't mean anything for her. A peck is a casual way to end the night. You even said so yourself that a peck is nothing! lol. You even said that a make out is nothing [for some girls that is probably true. Like that girl who made out with you but then didn't seem to care to contact you again much.]

My gay friend (who also has SA) is giving me opposite advice. He's telling me that I should stop listening to these PUA friends I have [I think that PUA has some merit though] and that I should be upfront about my social anxiety and awkwardness right on my profile so that there are no surprises. He says that based on his observations of my mannerisms in-person, it is impossible for me to hide that there is something amiss about me on the first date, let alone by the third date. So he says that on my profile I should be honest and put down that I am shy and socially awkward. I may get less responses to messages (he says my response rate and date conversion rate is pretty good because I'm good looking). But the girls who will go on dates with me will be a better match for me.

I appreciate your and bwidger's perspective. But I think this thread could use alternative perspectives. From women and guys with other philosophies. It seems like this has become the official PUA thread of SAS. I have talked to two female acquaintances about the situation with the girl and they told me that it was too aggressive for me to go for that french kiss. That aggressiveness is creepy.

Also the only one here who has ever seen me interact in-person is Zeeshan. But he's only seen me once. My gay friend tells me that I have the habit of speaking before I have all of my thoughts properly organized (an Asperger's trait). Like I may have a general idea of what I want to say in my head but then when I open my mouth, I realize that I didn't quite think through what I was going to say. For most people, they're able to coherently articulate their thoughts on the fly effortless. I'm not always like that. This can make me seem awkward.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I would of prob tried talking to her a little first before contact information, but considering you did it already you just have to wait it out. I dont think there is a strong chance she will contact you unless you really made an impression in november, which i remember you talking about btw for the challenge... chances are slim i would assume but ya nvr know.. i also like to.get the girl's number personally. If she contacts you assume its on
> 
> But!....
> 
> Its really really good you are straightforward and honest with this girl. That will get you the farthest usually and if you are just cool about it girls respect your honesty. You typically do not want to hide your intent. You should not hide the fact that you want to talk to.girls and they should know that. Just dont be weird about it. Its totally natural to go after women you like openly
> 
> Edit* sorry, i just realized you did ask a question!


Yea I want to be direct with her. No point in being anything else


----------



## Rossy

I have another well date I guess with this girl,well I am going to see her again for a little while in about 3 hours. Kinda excited and a little nervous at the same time but I feel comfortable around her.


----------



## phoenixwright

I want to emphasize that I do appreciate and respect what rymo, bwidger, jay, etc. are trying to do here. At the same time though, everyone is different and your style may not particularly work for every guy. And for me personally, I find that it is not working for me. For me, it's impossible for a girl to not figure out that I'm shy and socially awkward. It stares at you dead in the face. So I decided to admit this on my OKCupid profile. Because I have noticed a consistent pattern where I'm getting all these dates with girls because they think I'm cute. And they never go anywhere because they are expecting me to be a certain way (ie. talkative, extroverted, assertive) and they get something different in-person. Yes I want to work on my self-esteem and confidence. But you can't hide who you are. Girls can figure out that I'm shy and socially awkward by the first date. Also I think the world would be dull if every guy was a carbon copy of these PUA gurus. Just sayin'.

I think I'm just going to be myself. While continuing to work on my self-esteem and confidence (I never said that I'm just going to be socially anxious and socially awkward and not try to grow. But I think I need to accept that this is what I am right now. And that social anxiety and social awkwardness may always be part of my life to some extent.) Because being myself has attracted women before, has got me a girlfriend before and has gotten me laid before. Maybe I'll get less replies and dates now. But at least the dates I do get are going to be more likely to result in something fruitful.

I don't feel like all those dates were a waste. It was an opportunity to learn about myself and the dating game. But I think from now on it's going to be a waste of my time to keep going on dates that go absolutely nowhere. I need to be dating the right women. I don't think these women were right for me.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I want to emphasize that I do appreciate and respect what rymo, bwidger, jay, etc. are trying to do here. At the same time though, everyone is different and your style may not particularly work for every guy. And for me personally, I find that it is not working for me. For me, it's impossible for a girl to not figure out that I'm shy and socially awkward. It stares at you dead in the face. So I decided to admit this on my OKCupid profile. Because I have noticed a consistent pattern where I'm getting all these dates with girls because they think I'm cute. And they never go anywhere because they are expecting me to be a certain way (ie. talkative, extroverted, assertive) and they get something different in-person. Yes I want to work on my self-esteem and confidence. But you can't hide who you are. Girls can figure out that I'm shy and socially awkward by the first date. Also I think the world would be dull if every guy was a carbon copy of these PUA gurus. Just sayin'.
> 
> I think I'm just going to be myself. While continuing to work on my self-esteem and confidence (I never said that I'm just going to be socially anxious and socially awkward and not try to grow. But I think I need to accept that this is what I am right now. And that social anxiety and social awkwardness may always be part of my life to some extent.) Because being myself has attracted women before, has got me a girlfriend before and has gotten me laid before. Maybe I'll get less replies and dates now. But at least the dates I do get are going to be more likely to result in something fruitful.
> 
> I don't feel like all those dates were a waste. It was an opportunity to learn about myself and the dating game. But I think from now on it's going to be a waste of my time to keep going on dates that go absolutely nowhere. I need to be dating the right women. I don't think these women were right for me.


Fair enough man. I feel like I've had enough experience to know what works and what doesn't work, but you do your thing.


----------



## bsd3355

Phoenixwright, I think it's good you accept and are open with who you think you are. I don't necessarily agree that you will always have SA if you work on it, but I do think everyone has shy tendencies regardless. Like SA, however, shyness is worked on the same way. In my mind SA is just an extreme case of shyness. Shy people are shy because they are afraid of being judged by others. With that said, I think it is a good thing you accept who you think you are because acceptance is the first step to recovery in a lot of cases. I'm also glad you aren't giving up on yourself because people will just give you direction but it's up to you to do the things to make it happen. Take advantage of all different perspectives so you can be more well-rounded and form your own ideas.

Still, I think that there are clear ways to meet people that need to be followed. They don't have to be step by step, but basic things like accepting rejection, being consistent, being honest and upfront, etc. These things are the basics regardless if you believe them or not. Sure, you can not be consistent if you are getting approached by women; sure, you can not be honest and upfront, but it only makes it harder on you.

I still think the experience you had was a good one. Look what you learned already? Failure is the catalyst for new ideas, focus and success. Failure is what breeds acceptance and humility; it allows you to empathize with others; it strengthens you and helps you grow as a person inside. This is why I said that regardless of what happens--whether good or bad--any experience is a good one, and it's essential with dating I think.

As far as me preaching and ****, that's just what I do so people are gonna have to get used to it or use the ignore option on me


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Phoenixwright, I think it's good you accept and are open with who you think you are. I don't necessarily agree that you will always have SA if you work on it, but I do think everyone has shy tendencies regardless. Like SA, however, shyness is worked on the same way. In my mind SA is just an extreme case of shyness. Shy people are shy because they are afraid of being judged by others. With that said, I think it is a good thing you accept who you think you are because acceptance is the first step to recovery in a lot of cases. I'm also glad you aren't giving up on yourself because people will just give you direction but it's up to you to do the things to make it happen. Take advantage of all different perspectives so you can be more well-rounded and form your own ideas.
> 
> Still, I think that there are clear ways to meet people that need to be followed. They don't have to be step by step, but basic things like accepting rejection, being consistent, being honest and upfront, etc. These things are the basics regardless if you believe them or not. Sure, you can not be consistent if you are getting approached by women; sure, you can not be honest and upfront, but it only makes it harder on you.
> 
> I still think the experience you had was a good one. Look what you learned already? Failure is the catalyst for new ideas, focus and success. Failure is what breeds acceptance and humility; it allows you to empathize with others; it strengthens you and helps you grow as a person inside. This is why I said that regardless of what happens--whether good or bad--any experience is a good one, and it's essential with dating I think.
> 
> As far as me preaching and ****, that's just what I do so people are gonna have to get used to it or use the ignore option on me


Failure isn't even the right way to look at it even though I have the tendency to be very critical of myself. My female acquaintances said that they didn't understand why I was hung up about the situation because I admitted that I wasn't really feeling it with her. What can I say though? I wanted to get laid. And she's not looking for that. The only reasons why I even messaged her was because I looked at her pics and thought "I'd hit it" and she answered yes to "do you enjoy meaningless sex?" on OKCupid. And then after I was chatting with her and made plans with her, she changed that answer to no (LOL). That pissed me off so much. I felt like it was false advertising.

"Failure", validation aside, I can't help but be pissed off that this whole chemistry thing is so elusive for me. Because I want to get laid a whole lot (to be fair though, how many guys actually live that kind of lifestyle?) and also have a rewarding long-term relationship eventually.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Failure isn't even the right way to look at it even though I have the tendency to be very critical of myself. My female acquaintances said that they didn't understand why I was hung up about the situation because I admitted that I wasn't really feeling it with her. What can I say though? I wanted to get laid. And she's not looking for that. The only reasons why I even messaged her was because I looked at her pics and thought "I'd hit it" and she answered yes to "do you enjoy meaningless sex?" on OKCupid. And then after I was chatting with her and made plans with her, she changed that answer to no (LOL). That pissed me off so much. I felt like it was false advertising.
> 
> "Failure", validation aside, I can't help but be pissed off that this whole chemistry thing is so elusive for me. Because I want to get laid a whole lot (to be fair though, how many guys actually live that kind of lifestyle?) and also have a rewarding long-term relationship eventually.


I think you should really let thongs go


----------



## komorikun

Just because a woman might have meaningless sex doesn't mean she will have it with you. She might have grouped you into the potential boyfriend category, not the potential hookup category.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> I think you should really let thongs go


Let what go exactly? If you're talking about her specifically, that is not the issue at hand here. The issue with me is never about the girl. The issue is always about me and my ego. I always make it about me. I figured that was obvious by now.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> Last night was pretty good. I got 4 numbers, a make out and lots of physical escalation. Had some girls blow me out a couple times. The one thing I don't like is that so many girls flake after giving me their numbers, and I think what is going on is that I haven't build that type of connection like I did with the other night so I'm thinking leading a girl around a little more.


I had a pretty good conversation with this one girl wearing 7-inch heels last night. Thought she was taller than me but I guess she's 5'8, so she's not. Didn't really care how tall she was but I busted on her about it anyway.

Anyway, I asked her today via text if she'd like to grab coffee or some drinks at a bar sometime after a couple texts back and forth. Nearly 3 ****ing hours go by--me thinking she flaked me--and she finally responds saying she'd "be down to get a couple of drinks or something", which means she wants to go to the bar. **** yeah! I have been getting flaked so much lately I was started to question wth was going on because I _know_ that some of these girls were into me, dude. Anyway, going to try and set up the date. Will see what happens. If we hang out I'm going to suggest a movie at my place and see what happens.

The other girl I met on Friday actually lives 1.5 away so I won't be able to hang out with her unless she comes down here, which she said she would soon probably. Who knows though. I sent a text today that basically told her she as hot and I wanted a pic for my phone contacts lol. I figure she's so far away and we won't probably see each other hardly (if ever) so I wanted to be sexual with her for fun's sake. Haha, I was trying to get her to send me some sexy pics to be honest, which is why I said she was hot and I wanted her pictures lol. No reply yet haha. Well, actually, she said she would see if she had any because she normally doesn't take many pictures of herself, but that was before I said she was hot, so idk. No pictures 

Biggest thing I've learned about these flakes is that nearly all the flakes seem to be because we haven't made a connection or the interaction is extremely short and abrupt (campus approaches). Even after kissing girls, it seems if you don't build some type of connection with them or make them invest in you then it's all for nothing. Granted, girls will flake regardless sometimes, but I think building a connection and letting the girl invest in me is what has been my problem with the flakes. It has been difficult for me to do that lately for some reason. I will try and improve this and really try to build some rapport with the girl before leaving. Not sure if I can do this on campuses though because they are often walking between classes


----------



## farsan

I do nothing lol.. I know that one girl got cruch on me but I'm too afraid to even look at her :/


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Just because a woman might have meaningless sex doesn't mean she will have it with you. She might have grouped you into the potential boyfriend category, not the potential hookup category.


The thing I don't get though is that she changed her OKCupid match answer to "no" on the meaningless sex question *after* I started a conversation with her and set up a date.

It doesn't really matter now. This issue is not about her anyway. The issue is that I can't connect with women very well. It happens. But so rarely.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I had a pretty good conversation with this one girl wearing 7-inch heels last night. Thought she was taller than me but I guess she's 5'8, so she's not. Didn't really care how tall she was but I busted on her about it anyway.
> 
> Anyway, I asked her today via text if she'd like to grab coffee or some drinks at a bar sometime after a couple texts back and forth. Nearly 3 ****ing hours go by--me thinking she flaked me--and she finally responds saying she'd "be down to get a couple of drinks or something", which means she wants to go to the bar. **** yeah! I have been getting flaked so much lately I was started to question wth was going on because I _know_ that some of these girls were into me, dude. Anyway, going to try and set up the date. Will see what happens. If we hang out I'm going to suggest a movie at my place and see what happens.
> 
> The other girl I met on Friday actually lives 1.5 away so I won't be able to hang out with her unless she comes down here, which she said she would soon probably. Who knows though. I sent a text today that basically told her she as hot and I wanted a pic for my phone contacts lol. I figure she's so far away and we won't probably see each other hardly (if ever) so I wanted to be sexual with her for fun's sake. Haha, I was trying to get her to send me some sexy pics to be honest, which is why I said she was hot and I wanted her pictures lol. No reply yet haha. Well, actually, she said she would see if she had any because she normally doesn't take many pictures of herself, but that was before I said she was hot, so idk. No pictures
> 
> Biggest thing I've learned about these flakes is that nearly all the flakes seem to be because we haven't made a connection or the interaction is extremely short and abrupt (campus approaches). Even after kissing girls, it seems if you don't build some type of connection with them or make them invest in you then it's all for nothing. Granted, girls will flake regardless sometimes, but I think building a connection and letting the girl invest in me is what has been my problem with the flakes. It has been difficult for me to do that lately for some reason. I will try and improve this and really try to build some rapport with the girl before leaving. Not sure if I can do this on campuses though because they are often walking between classes


IMO if you call these women n ask for a date u prob won't have any flakes


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> IMO if you call these women n ask for a date u prob won't have any flakes


I'm not talking about getting flaked on a date where she doesn't show up; I'm talking about girls not responding to my texts.


----------



## Rossy

Second date went well again


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I'm not talking about getting flaked on a date where she doesn't show up; I'm talking about girls not responding to my texts.


Yea they think ur a p-word for not having the balls to call them up


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Yea they think ur a p-word for not having the balls to call them up


If I approached them in real life and wasn't a p**** then, then they probably won't think I'm a coward for texting. I think the real benefit to call a girl is so she can gauge you over the phone and make sure you aren't some weirdo or something. With that said, it probably wouldn't hurt for me to call sometime.

Maybe I should stop saying "do you text?" and replace that with "I'll call you"

Sounds good to me. I just love texting though and sometimes it's really convenient

I think calling a girl you met online is important though


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## Zeeshan

Yea you are open to trying things so I think you should experiment

One of the issues with texting is that it let's women ask their friends if they should go out with you. 

I don't know just my opinion really


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## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> Second date went well again







Haha, I was dying inside wanting to use this for this thread. lol. thanks for the excuse haha

WINNING!! 

haha, i love the part where he says he's "bi-winning" lmao


----------



## Brandeezy

So Rymo i didn't send my co-worker a message telling her i was interested. It said on her facebook that she is in an relationship so i didnt want to set myself up for failure. I did speak to her yesterday though and she was giggling like a little girl so...


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> So Rymo i didn't send my co-worker a message telling her i was interested. It said on her facebook that she is in an relationship so i didnt want to set myself up for failure. I did speak to her yesterday though and she was giggling like a little girl so...


Ah...sorry to hear that. At this point though you really have nothing to lose, you could ask her anyway and if she says she has a boyfriend then it's certainly not a failure on your part because it's true. I wouldn't consider that a rejection at all. If anything it could just be good practice asking a girl out.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> I had a pretty good conversation with this one girl wearing 7-inch heels last night. Thought she was taller than me but I guess she's 5'8, so she's not. Didn't really care how tall she was but I busted on her about it anyway.
> 
> Anyway, I asked her today via text if she'd like to grab coffee or some drinks at a bar sometime after a couple texts back and forth. Nearly 3 ****ing hours go by--me thinking she flaked me--and she finally responds saying she'd "be down to get a couple of drinks or something", which means she wants to go to the bar. **** yeah! I have been getting flaked so much lately I was started to question wth was going on because I _know_ that some of these girls were into me, dude. Anyway, going to try and set up the date. Will see what happens. If we hang out I'm going to suggest a movie at my place and see what happens.


So this girl is taking her sweet *** time responding to my messages. I'm not going to contact her all day and I want to see if she hits me up since I asked a question in the last text. If he doesn't, I'll give her a call tomorrow and chat a while then ask her out again. She seems like she's interested at the very least so I'm not going to delete this number just yet


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## phoenixwright

Texting has replaced calling as the norm among our generation in society. So I doubt those girls think you are a ***** if you are texting them. Most people of our generation prefer texting because not only is it cheaper but it is a lot less intrusive than calling.


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> Texting has replaced calling as the norm among our generation in society. So I doubt those girls think you are a ***** if you are texting them. Most people of our generation prefer texting because not only is it cheaper but it is a lot less intrusive than calling.


yeah, that's how i see it. the only reason i'd call a girl is if i had an inkling it'll be better so she didn't think i am a weirdo. but mostly, i hardly ever call. if i was doing online dating though, i'd call more often. all in all though, this little detail stuff is pretty dumb when you really think about it. i don't worry about it anymore


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## Rossy

I think I've finialy met a really nice girl,went for an hour walk last night and we had a really good talk. She was staying at her grannys so she wanted me to come in so I did and had a good chat with both,she was telling me how her granny was telling her mum that she had a fine looking Toyboy over,I was working at her mums house last year so the mother told her that I was at her house first.
This girl thinks there may be a handbag fight breaking out soon over me with the women in her family.


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## blackeroni

bwidger85 said:


> Last night was pretty good. I got 4 numbers, a make out and lots of physical escalation. Had some girls blow me out a couple times. The one thing I don't like is that so many girls flake after giving me their numbers, and I think what is going on is that I haven't build that type of connection like I did with the other night so I'm thinking leading a girl around a little more.
> 
> I realize I'm starting to get too in-depth here and talking about "game" so I'm going to tone it down and just try to keep it more normal for this forum. I think this place is best to share information on how to overcome your fears and learning how to believe in yourself. This "game" stuff probably isn't the best stuff for this site. I'll try to keep it more normal lol. I'll save all that "game" stuff for another site where it is probably more appropriate and better suited to discuss
> 
> I've said this before and I'll say it again: respect is huge; humbleness; vulnerability, so going out to meet girls is more about being yourself confidently, not some macho try hard moron. Be yourself but learn how to be confident as yourself and in what you are doing


Wtf are you doing on this forum? Go get laid!!!


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## bsd3355

blackeroni said:


> Wtf are you doing on this forum? Go get laid!!!


Wow, thanks! I never thought of that!


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Texting has replaced calling as the norm among our generation in society. So I doubt those girls think you are a ***** if you are texting them. Most people of our generation prefer texting because not only is it cheaper but it is a lot less intrusive than calling.


really are you sure about that, how can you make such a firm statement like that without any research.

If anything, texting has given more credence to calling, and made calling even more powerful, since most people will not call now.

And as for being intrusive, you are calling a girl because you want her, reproduction is on the top of everyone's unconscious priorities, if she finds you caller her "intrusive" then you prob never had a chance in the first place.


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## Zeeshan

So anyways, i have a dinner date tommorrow. She looks good in her pic, although you dont really know until you meet. Anyhow, we shall see


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Is Zeeshan actually calling women? I'm interested to hear a couple of cases.


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## Zeeshan

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Is Zeeshan actually calling women? I'm interested to hear a couple of cases.


Nope but the next one i am for sure. I am asking this girl for her number now, not going to text at all, call only. Lets see how it goes.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Zeeshan said:


> Yea they think ur a p-word for not having the balls to call them up





Zeeshan said:


> IMO if you call these women n ask for a date u prob won't have any flakes





Zeeshan said:


> Very good chance that if u text she will flake. Call her!





Zeeshan said:


> Phoenix why don't you give her a call see what's on her mind





Zeeshan said:


> Why didnt you just call her? I think that texting instead of calling is part of the issue that people here have. From now on i am taking the calling route. Texting is useless, and i think someone women see it as the man being scared to call them


That last post was in June. What the actual ****?


----------



## tennislover84

I'm thinking of casting a big net out of the window each morning, then hauling it back in at night. A lot of the time I'll probably end up with a few men and a wheelie bin, but I'll release them obviously. But I figure I'm bound to catch a woman eventually with this method. I hope it's a big one, because it's always disappointing when the guy next to you got a big whopper, but you've only got a tiddler.

Maybe I'm looking at this entirely the wrong way.


----------



## Mr Grey

I am not in a position to chase girls ATM. But in the past, I usually only pursue friendships. Once they get to know me, and see good qualities in me, they are the ones initiating. Till they get bored and leave that is.


----------



## Brandeezy

I won't be able to get a girl until i get over my fear of talking to women, doesn't help that i'm afraid of driving too. If i get over it what if a girl asks me to pick her up or take her out, what can i say, "Let's take the bus or train"? Im such a *****, i can't even talk to girls that are interested in me, i need serious help.


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## bsd3355

Talked to 5 girls on campus today; 2 numbers; 1 date set up for tomorrow. Let's see if this one doesn't flake lol


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Thoughts on waiting for the right moment vs forcing it when asking a girl out? Also if you've hung out a bunch as friends how do you make it known that you are asking them out out?


----------



## bsd3355

StevenGlansberg said:


> Thoughts on waiting for the right moment vs forcing it when asking a girl out? Also if you've hung out a bunch as friends how do you make it known that you are asking them out out?


Don't wait for "the perfect moment" to ask a girl out. If you want to ask a girl out do it the next time you see her or you risk not asking her out or not seeing her again. Ask her out the next time you see her regardless of where it is. If you are with friends and she's there, talk to her and then ask her out. It doesn't matter if friends are there or not. It makes no difference. Be honest and upfront and tell her you'd like to take her out on a date.


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> I won't be able to get a girl until i get over my fear of talking to women, doesn't help that i'm afraid of driving too. If i get over it what if a girl asks me to pick her up or take her out, what can i say, "Let's take the bus or train"? Im such a *****, i can't even talk to girls that are interested in me, i need serious help.


Yes, you need to learn how to talk to women if you want to meet women. It is rare women will take first iniative unless you are really good looking. Even then, you have to be able to talk to women.

You can tell a girl to meet you somewhere. You can get dropped off there or take a bus or walk. I never pick a girl up in my car on the first date. I always have them meet me somewhere.

Everyone starts somewhere, and if you haven't done this much then it is normal to be intimidated. Start taking small baby steps if you have to, or just have an idea in mind of what you'd like to do and take the plunge. Any move forward is a good move for experience purposes as well as confidence-wise. You need your goals clearly defined, and you will need to be consistent with them.

Example of a clearly defined goal:

-say hi to 3 girls today
-have conversation with 2 girls today
-have conversation with three girls today and ask for their numbers/date

Set up goals and follow those goals and your confidence will rise. Be consistent. Ultimately, we should aim to be consistent until we are competent.


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> Yes, you need to learn how to talk to women if you want to meet women. It is rare women will take first iniative unless you are really good looking. Even then, you have to be able to talk to women.
> 
> You can tell a girl to meet you somewhere. You can get dropped off there or take a bus or walk. I never pick a girl up in my car on the first date. I always have them meet me somewhere.
> 
> Everyone starts somewhere, and if you haven't done this much then it is normal to be intimidated. Start taking small baby steps if you have to, or just have an idea in mind of what you'd like to do and take the plunge. Any move forward is a good move for experience purposes as well as confidence-wise. You need your goals clearly defined, and you will need to be consistent with them.
> 
> *Example of a clearly defined goal:
> 
> -say hi to 3 girls today* *
> -have conversation with 2 girls today
> -have conversation with three girls today and ask for their numbers/date*
> 
> Set up goals and follow those goals and your confidence will rise. Be consistent. Ultimately, we should aim to be consistent until we are competent.


I'm forced to do that at my job everyday but it stops at my job. It doesn't give me confidence to speak to women outside work even though I greet women all the time. I saw this pretty girl I see at my job all the time today and I was too nervous to speak to her even though she was in an aisle by herself, I don't think I'll be able to get over my fear


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways, i have a dinner date tommorrow. She looks good in her pic, although you dont really know until you meet. Anyhow, we shall see


So my date was amazing. Better than her pic the convo was amazing n I'm really optimistic this could turn into something

She texted me right after thanking for dinner which has to be a positive.

I see her as a potential for something more

Lol I'm trying not to get too excited


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> I'm forced to do that at my job everyday but it stops at my job. It doesn't give me confidence to speak to women outside work even though I greet women all the time. I saw this pretty girl I see at my job all the time today and I was too nervous to speak to her even though she was in an aisle by herself, I don't think I'll be able to get over my fear


Wherever you are uncomfortable at that's where you need to focus on as a goal to overcome.

If you want to date women then you basically do this:

1. Get online and send out lots of messages
2. Go approach and interact with women IRL, ask for a number or a date

Which one of those things aren't you doing? It's kind of common sense. Confidence comes with attacking your comfort zones and moving beyond them. Your comfort zone will expand the more you face it head on. Mine has expanded tremendously over the last few weeks.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So my date was amazing. Better than her pic the convo was amazing n I'm really optimistic this could turn into something
> 
> She texted me right after thanking for dinner which has to be a positive.
> 
> I see her as a potential for something more
> 
> Lol I'm trying not to get too excited


Sounds really good!

Everyone is doing so well! I'm surprised how things have taken off for everyone! GJ!

I mean, wtf? I need a date here soon or I'm going to have to start asking for some advice!


----------



## Kanova

Trying to talk to her everyday, waiting for her to finish school, keeping hopes up and waiting to see what she wants to do or how she feels.


----------



## bsd3355

This woman knows what she's talking about

Sorry guys, you can call "game" w/e you want, but that doesn't mean these things won't tell you some important information about life and meeting people in general. I know I said I wouldn't talk too much about this side of things, but this stuff is good information for anyone to know if they want to be more successful in dating. I'll put stuff up if I think it's beneficial...

This is important information because it reminds you to be honest about how you feel and how you present yourself. It helps us become more confident expressing ourselves; we no longer feel afraid to express ourselves. I talk about vulnerability because it's authentic to who you are and people appreciate that. Be yourself, always. Just teach yourself to be a more expressive and confident you. This is good stuff.


----------



## bsd3355

This is the text conversation I had after I met this girl today and how I set up a date if you are wondering or interested in doing the same:

Me: "Thanks for directions!  -(my name)" 1:40pm

Her: "Haha no problem did you find it?" 1:51pm

Me: "Yes! And btw you are pretty. Maybe i told you that but i can't remember " 1:52pm

Her: "Good stuff. Haha and thank you! Nice meeting you." 1:53pm

Me: "You're welcome. Any fun plans today?" 1:57pm

Her: "Uh.....no not that i can think of haha what about you?" 2:11pm

Me: "I have to go to class in a couple hrs. Do you like coffee?" 2:13pm

Her: "Psssh yeah i drink it like some people drink water. I have two more classes :0" 2:17pm

Me: "Lol. Me and you should grab some coffee tomorrow at starbucks  it'll be fun. Im good company " 2:20pm

Her: "Sure what time?" 2:22pm

Me: "6pm good for you?" 2:24pm

Her: "Yup." 2:24pm

Me: "Sweet " 2:25pm

Me: "I have school but I will text you then" 2:26pm

Her: "Alright sounds good!" 2:28pm

Me: "" 2:28pm

----------------------------

Key points to take from this:

How fast you text, even reply back, doesn't matter. You can ask out that day if you want. Doesn't matter if you add emotions or emoticons to you messages. Meeting women anywhere doesn't matter. Telling a girl she's pretty early isn't a big deal IF you aren't creepy about it.

Oh, and on a side note, she can still flake! lol you neeeeevvvveerrr know. But that's OK too


----------



## phoenixwright

I'm cybering with a 38 year old woman on a hookup site who is an hour's drive away who has submissive tendencies and wants to be dominated (she wants to take turns and dominate me too though). I so wanna post our conversation on here but I could get banned! ROFL. If you wanna see it, let me know and I'll PM you! lol. I wouldn't be surprised if this turns into a flake (it happens, it's the internet). At first she was hesitant due to the distance (I told her that it's only an hour drive and that this isn't so bad unless it becomes a regular thing) and the age difference. But she's talking about hooking up with me now after cybering with her so it seems like she's warmed up to the idea of being with a 27 year old man.

There's a bit of a problem though. When I am confident and I have a nice firm erection, I can deliver every single thing I am telling her right now. But when I'm not in a good mood mentally, feel intimidated or feel unconfident, I can't even physically have sex (can't get it up). I don't want to like drive an hour only to disappoint both her and myself.

I don't think I have Bi-Polar because I never experience mania/manic episodes. But I have beast mode moods. And I have depressive moods. And my sexual performance depends on where my head is at.

I hate how much this SA thing has an impact on me. But it's not something that I can ignore and hide. And it doesn't go away overnight. I think I'll always be socially anxious and awkward to an extent.


----------



## payindews

I am clueless, don't know what to do anymore.


----------



## eveningbat

Evo said:


> I'm not going to show any pics. Too ugly. :|


Well, maybe you have no found the right type of a person for you. For someone you can not be appealing but maybe someone will find you just the right person. Please keep trying. Good luck.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So my date was amazing. Better than her pic the convo was amazing n I'm really optimistic this could turn into something
> 
> She texted me right after thanking for dinner which has to be a positive.
> 
> I see her as a potential for something more
> 
> Lol I'm trying not to get too excited


She didn't respond to my texts this morning I guess it didn't go as well as I thought even though we texted right after. Makes me feel down because I really thought we hit it off


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> She didn't respond to my texts this morning I guess it didn't go as well as I thought even though we texted right after. Makes me feel down because I really thought we hit it off


it's still early in the day yet if you texted in the morning


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> it's still early in the day yet if you texted in the morning


Well she did respond I think interest is there I'm going to see if she wants to go to the movies on Thursday or Dinner again


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Well she did respond I think interest is there I'm going to see if she wants to go to the movies on Thursday or Dinner again


yeah, a lot of people sleep in past 10-11am lol.

GL with everything! And let us know how everything turns out if you want to


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I won't be able to get a girl until i get over my fear of talking to women, doesn't help that i'm afraid of driving too. If i get over it what if a girl asks me to pick her up or take her out, what can i say, "Let's take the bus or train"? Im such a *****, i can't even talk to girls that are interested in me, i need serious help.


You should send me a PM, let's talk about some of this stuff.


----------



## phoenixwright

If a girl is into you, she'll hit you back up once she's not terribly busy. I texted girl # 2 just now and she got back to me right away. She's eager to meet me that's why. Due to a medical issue of a personal issue (she has been so sincere and eager that I doubt she's lying. She won't tell me what the medical issue is. I have a suspicion it might be a std and she's keeping that from me.) if the girl is as DTF as her profile answers suggest, an std wouldn't be far fetched.

If a girl takes awhile to get back to you she's working/in class or out with friends or is otherwise very occupied or sleeping in. Otherwise she's not that into you or just not yet. A girl is never too busy to hit a guy she likes back up within a reasonable time. The most ill ever be too busy for a girl I like is maybe a full work day shift if I don't take a lunch and choose not to slack off at work. I guarantee girls are the same way if they like you.


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> Wherever you are uncomfortable at that's where you need to focus on as a goal to overcome.
> 
> If you want to date women then you basically do this:
> 
> 1. Get online and send out lots of messages
> 2. Go approach and interact with women IRL, ask for a number or a date
> 
> Which one of those things aren't you doing? It's kind of common sense. Confidence comes with attacking your comfort zones and moving beyond them. Your comfort zone will expand the more you face it head on. Mine has expanded tremendously over the last few weeks.


I send out messages online but I either don't get an response or it leads to nowhere. I find the 2nd task impossible, i've never approached a woman in my life and don't think I can


----------



## Mersault

Not doing much, but trying nonetheless, by going out and talking to people. Seems to work, at least for the time being.


----------



## phoenixwright

The 38 year old I cybered with is married. LOL. This would be my fourth run in with a married woman online. One was just looking to flirt online (around my age). One was actually a woman I developed feelings for (around my age.) but she kept the fact that she had a common law husband from me. She told me that she loved me and was going to leave her husband and be with me (of course that didn't happen! lol). Another was a 41 year old that was keen on hooking up but I backed out because I didn't find her attractive. But this 38 year old is hot. So I would go through with it if it ever got there. Even though it's morally wrong. It's easy to say that you wouldn't do something like this until the opportunity is presented to you.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> The 38 year old I cybered with is married. LOL. This would be my fourth run in with a married woman online. One was just looking to flirt online (around my age). One was actually a woman I developed feelings for (around my age.) but she kept the fact that she had a common law husband from me. She told me that she loved me and was going to leave her husband and be with me (of course that didn't happen! lol). Another was a 41 year old that was keen on hooking up but I backed out because I didn't find her attractive. But this 38 year old is hot. So I would go through with it if it ever got there. Even though it's morally wrong. It's easy to say that you wouldn't do something like this until the opportunity is presented to you.


I mean, if she does this while she's married she's either a swinger or she has or is bound to cheat on her husband, but I wouldn't get into that personally. You don't know her family life (kids, husband, situation, etc.). Unless they are swingers, it sounds like bad news if you ask me.


----------



## bsd3355

So met up with my date at starbucks. She was cuter than I remembered, but something I've noticed after approaching so much and talking to girls is that at first I seem taken back by how pretty they are sometimes but then it just settles in and you don't hardly notice. I find that interesting...

Anyway, she's young 18, and I honestly feel like her conversation lacked depth. That's how you know I'm getting older, 18 year old seem like 18 year olds lol. She didn't have much interesting to say (nothing really depth-wise) just normal crap. After about 40 minutes or at starbucks I suggested this place downtown called the Firefly because she's never been downtown and it's a hookah bar so it serves 18 and up. I haven't been inside there for a year probably. But we sat in there, got a hookah and probably chilled for another 40 mins before I took her back to campus where she stays.

Before I got there I didn't feel like making any moves. I just felt like getting to know her. And even if I wanted to make a move it would of been kind of weird because I didn't sense much sexual chemistry (even though she's pretty). Just making a move on her would of been strange I felt so I just chilled back and talked. Being everything was surface-based conversation, we talked about movies and she asked me about the Borne Identity, I figured I mention about renting movies and stuff. I said something like "we should watch it sometime" or something like that but I think she thought I said "have you watched it?" or something judging by her response. In any case, I'm going to try and invite her to hang out sunday if she can and if she wants to I'll set a movie date at my house. I'll make a move then. Being there wasn't much sexual chemistry I don't really know what her reaction will be but that's part of dating I guess.

Will ask her in a couple days or something and see how it goes. Nice to finally not get flaked though for a change lol. Going to keep going out and meeting other girls though. Will keep updated.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> yeah, a lot of people sleep in past 10-11am lol.
> 
> GL with everything! And let us know how everything turns out if you want to


Well all of a sudden the texting stopped. Figures anyways might as well move on


----------



## AussiePea

Zeeshan said:


> Well all of a sudden the texting stopped. Figures anyways might as well move on


Ufortunately I had a similar experience with one of the dates I went on. It went very well, lots in common, laughs etc and even her asking when I was be free for a 2nd date.

Then....she just didn't respond anymore.

Who knows what goes on in their minds but I guess moving on is all one can really do.


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Ufortunately I had a similar experience with one of the dates I went on. It went very well, lots in common, laughs etc and even her asking when I was be free for a 2nd date.
> 
> Then....she just didn't respond anymore.
> 
> Who knows what goes on in their minds but I guess moving on is all one can really do.


I just want to know why


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Well all of a sudden the texting stopped. Figures anyways might as well move on


That's part of it unfortunately. Been having that happen a lot lately. That's just part of it. Keep meeting girls and you'll find one. If online dries up then find hot spots in your area and go meet women IRL (that's just my advice at least). It's truly a random number's game. If you play in high volume then it'll happen much faster


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> That's part of it unfortunately. Been having that happen a lot lately. That's just part of it. Keep meeting girls and you'll find one. If online dries up then find hot spots in your area and go meet women IRL (that's just my advice at least). It's truly a random number's game. If you play in high volume then it'll happen much faster


I dont think its random. I think there Is a reason. If she doesn't reply I'm going to call her tomorrow n find out. I don't like being treated like this!!


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I dont think its random. I think there Is a reason. If she doesn't reply I'm going to call her tomorrow n find out. I don't like being treated like this!!


Do what you gotta do. GL.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Do what you gotta do. GL.


Srsly I want some answers from women now. I think I'm just gonna start demanding things from them

Something has changed within me as of late. I think like why am I so concerned with what women want I should be concerned with what I want!

It should be about what we want!


----------



## phoenixwright

The older married woman is hesitating again because she's unsure it would work out with me being 11 years younger than her. 

Noooo I don't want this cougar fantasy to be slipping away!!! LOL. The oldest I've been with was 34 while I was 26/27. At my age, having sex with a 34 year old woman isn't a big deal. In order for it to really be "cougar territory", I'd have to sleep with a woman in her late 30s. Having sex with a woman 10+ years older than me while I'm still young is something that is on my bucket list. I want to be able to brag to my grand kids one day about the cougar experience I had when I was young. lol. I am such a young 27 (I can easily pass for early 20s) that 34 probably counts as a cougar though. lol.

But now she's saying that we could maybe pull off an an auntie/nephew roleplay.

Jesus where do I find these crazy women? lol.

Meanwhile I messaged another girl on OKCupid and she replied. Started chatting. Let's see where that goes. I wouldn't be shocked if I can convert this into another date.

I might have to change my profile picture on OKCupid. A girl from my meetup group told me that my face looks different in-person than from my photo. And a gay friend of mine says that while I'm just as good looking in real-life than in my photos (I'm usually not very photogenic actually) I look more assertive, confident and "macho" in my profile pic whereas in real-life I give off more of a unassertive, shy, nerdy vibe. This might be throwing women off. My body language is one way in the profile pic but another way in-person. They expect me to be a certain way in-person based on my picture and they end up getting something they don't expect. Which is why I think it's a good idea for me to mention in my profile the introversion and shyness. The girl read through my profile, which now states that I'm introverted and shy. So hopefully girls are not in for any surprises this time.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan: It's pretty cold that she gave off the impression that she liked you in date #1 and texted you afterwards and then she went radio silent on you the day after. I don't appreciate games like that.

My interpretation of the situation is that she's not into you or not into you _yet_. If a girl is into you, she'll hit you back up. It may still be worth it to message her. She might even go on a second date with you if she feels like it's worth giving another try. But if she's taking her leisurely sweet time to get back to you or not getting back to you like that, it suggests that she either not interested or she hasn't decided what to think of you yet.

I hate it when my friends say things like "she's probably just busy". If someone likes you, they make the time to get back to you. It takes not even a minute to send a quick text message.

It's also not necessarily a bad thing to send a girl a second message (or call her I guess?) if she didn't reply to the first. Remember in this situation she perceives a situation of abundance. She probably gets lots of guys inboxing her. So she's in no rush to get back to a guy she's not that into yet. Whereas you are obviously more keen on her. But that's just how it usually is with guys. Men are on the prowl and more motivated to talk to women. Because men have a drive towards mating with multiple women. We may not even be all that interested in a girl beyond sex (or at all beyond sex! lol) but we'll still make the time to contact her because we wanna get laid. lol. I'm talking with three girls right now and there's only one girl I consider relationship-material right now and I'm eager to hear from her. The other two I just wanna have sex with. But I'm still interested in messaging them because I wanna get my dick wet right?

Whereas women are typically driven to mate with that one special guy that is proven to be worthy. And when women actually desire to sleep around, society tells them that they are a ****. So they discourage polyandrous behaviour from women.


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> Srsly I want some answers from women now. I think I'm just gonna start demanding things from them
> 
> Something has changed within me as of late. I think like why am I so concerned with what women want I should be concerned with what I want!
> 
> It should be about what we want!


I agree with you friend, I also had this often that women just do not reply anymore. Nothing, they just leave.... with guys that was not a case so often. I guess it is on their nature, they also live for the moment I read and dont care so much about the future or past like men do. So if in the moment she thinks its not worth to reply they just stop without even thinking about it :mum Maybe later she will remember it and write weeks later back....


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm actually pretty down about this one I was really excited


----------



## takumiyamamoto

So the one I like supposedly like someone else. Oh well. I was expecting it. Time to move on


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I'm actually pretty down about this one I was really excited


So she sent me about 4 5 texts in a row now apologizing saying she fell asleep


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> So she sent me about 4 5 texts in a row now apologizing saying she fell asleep


how does that make sense? She had an entire day to respond right? lol. It takes like what? A minute to respond to a text message?

Ah well. It is what it is. I wouldn't recommend calling her out on it. But yea texting allows girls to play games like this. That's why they prefer texting.


----------



## Ape in space

I am ugwy, feel for me


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> how does that make sense? She had an entire day to respond right? lol. It takes like what? A minute to respond to a text message?
> 
> Ah well. It is what it is. I wouldn't recommend calling her out on it. But yea texting allows girls to play games like this. That's why they prefer texting.


Another girl just texted me now! I'm thinking about directly inviting her over to my place


----------



## puppy

Having fun, working toward a financially secure future, and not trying too hard!


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Another girl just texted me now! I'm thinking about directly inviting her over to my place


Keep it up!

Just got 5 numbers from campus today! Feels good man! I know 1 for certain is dropping off though because she didn't text me back earlier. She was russian I guess and didn't even know what texting was 

Keep going through the BS and **** will happen!

I also set up a date for sunday with the girl I had coffee with yesterday. Thought she was gonna blow me off because when I asked for friday she said her friend was coming in and they were gonna be busy all weekend, so I asked if she meant sunday too and she took like 2 hours to respond and and finally said her friend is leaving sunday morning so i suggested sunday evening for a movie at my place and she said yes.

Feels good, man. Finally, no more flakes! Who knows though, she could still flake. IN any case, I'll keep moving forward!


----------



## Barette

I'm just curious bwidger85, how many dates come out of the numbers you get?


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> I'm just curious bwidger85, how many dates come out of the numbers you get?


Not much, but it's worth it to me. Beats online, hands down. And it's much funner

And I'm not trying to cover this up, but honestly, dating is a very random thing. Sometimes you can never tell, even if you are doing really well getting numbers and meeting new people. I've met three girls recently who I thought without a doubt would see me again when I went out to the bar but they flaked. You never know, but you keep going at it

To put it into perspective: you can go out for a week and get 5 numbers and date 2 people. Another time, you can go out for months before you date 2 people. It's random. Increase the volume of people you meet and keep meeting new people and it's bound to happen I think

The sooner you forget about your "batting average" and just go out and keep meeting people the better off you are and will be.


----------



## Barette

Ah okay, I think that's great to just go out there and meet people and just talk, I was just wondering how many dates come out of it.


----------



## puppy

bwidger85 said:


> Not much, but it's worth it to me. Beats online, hands down. And it's much funner
> 
> And I'm not trying to cover this up, but honestly, dating is a very random thing. Sometimes you can never tell, even if you are doing really well getting numbers and meeting new people. I've met three girls recently who I thought without a doubt would see me again when I went out to the bar but they flaked. You never know, but you keep going at it
> 
> To put it into perspective: you can go out for a week and get 5 numbers and date 2 people. Another time, you can go out for months before you date 2 people. It's random. Increase the volume of people you meet and keep meeting new people and it's bound to happen I think
> 
> The sooner you forget about your "batting average" and just go out and keep meeting people the better off you are and will be.


My experience has been much the same. I have a pretty low response rate even among girls who tell me to take their numbers without me asking. That's why I generally try to set up a date on the spot if possible.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Another girl just texted me now! I'm thinking about directly inviting her over to my place


So I asked this other girl I'd she wants to come over and hang out. She has yet to reply


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> Ah okay, I think that's great to just go out there and meet people and just talk, I was just wondering how many dates come out of it.


I think it's great too! 



puppy said:


> My experience has been much the same. I have a pretty low response rate even among girls who tell me to take their numbers without me asking. That's why I generally try to set up a date on the spot if possible.


I haven't done many of those, but I can see why it'd help in a situation where you just met someone. They call that an "instant date" btw 

Unless you meant setting up a date for another time when you just meet them idk... in that case, i usually try to set a date the same day i met (for another day, or no longer than a week after). i don't like to beat around the bush when it comes to that. if it's on, it's on. a girl will usually vanish within a short amount of texts if she's not interested anyway, or she'll flake


----------



## phoenixwright

I think my social anxiety and social awkwardness is just too much to be doing this dating thing right now. Unfortunately. Because I'm 27 so time isn't really on my side anymore. I saw a new lady of the evening yesterday (it was kind of a botched thing because I had texted her Wednesday evening but she didn't get back to me right away so I figured that she was all booked up. So I went ahead and jerked off that evening and also the morning then. Then in the noon yesterday I get a text "call me". I was weary if I should see her tonight because sometimes my body just isn't in the mood for sex if I masturbated to completion not that long ago. But there was a 14 hour gap between that and seeing her so I figured it should be fine. I also popped a Soft Cialis I got from an online pharmacy just in case (sometimes those things work, sometimes they don't. I think it's just a placebo effect when it does "work"). So yeah I saw her, she was one of the hottest women I have ever seen in my life (!). She's Portuguese-Canadian. Petite spinner. Banging body. Stunning eyes, face, smile, hair. Perfect 10. The family of one of her parents is from the city over next to my parents' village. Girl-next-door brunette type. Basically girl of my dreams. Ready and willing for me. And I couldn't **** her (!). One of the hottest women I've ever seen in my life and my penis is so uncooperative. I got turned on momentarily but then after putting the condom on and I went inside, I got soft. lol. Say what you will about my methods (lol) but every guy here would give their left nut to have sex with that woman. She's the type of girl that guys at nightclubs and bars fall over themselves trying to impress and chase.

This happened to me so many times with women (civilian or otherwise) that it makes me scared of dating women. Just imagine if I actually managed to get that girl I went on dates with into bed. How the hell do you explain to a woman that you, as a 27 year old man, are too nervous to have sex? I have been willing to work around this with women in the past by going down on them (and I enjoy it). And in the moment they tend to be ok with the fact that you aren't ready to go. But when things go sour in a relationship, girls have nastily brought up my sexual issues in arguments and it makes me feel like ****. Though any woman that would hit below the belt like that is a *****. But that's the thing. I have a core belief at least part of the time that women are *****es. And when I can have sex, I can't cum and I have to explain "it's not you, it's me."

There are times where I'm more comfortable, confident and go all super saiyan on a woman in bed (there is a higher probability of that the more I have sex with a particular woman. But there were times where I've had that kind of sex the first time. But I still don't cum. I never cum from sex. Never. Not even unprotected oral, though that brings me closer than protected sex). That's what's really ****ed up about this thing. I'm actually good at sex (not to brag or anything but I can go hard and fast for a very long time without cumming. And I'm basically Mr. ***** from Sex and the City. I'm really into and good at cunnilingus.) But sex makes me feel very anxious much of the time so I alternate between beast mode and wet noodle. lol. And I'm not the type of guy that can have sex every day. Though I'd still say that my sex drive is "average". I think for most men, it's normal to not be in the mood every day. And this issue is something that most men don't want to talk about. My ex's sex drive outstripped mine so I'd try to accommodate her needs by going down on her. I'm not on any meds right now so that's not affecting my sex drive.

So yeah, if I can't even perform when a hot woman is ready and willing for me, how the hell am I supposed to be dating with this problem? My doctors can't really help me either. My GP referred me to an endocrinologist. I had to wait half a year for an appointment basically. And the only thing my endocrinologist has for me is that he thinks it's psychological and he can't help me with that because his area of expertise is hormones, not psychology. He had me do a more accurate, effective T test recently and I'm awaiting the results of that. But he says that he can tell my testosterone is fine just by looking at me.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I think my social anxiety and social awkwardness is just too much to be doing this dating thing right now. Unfortunately. Because I'm 27 so time isn't really on my side anymore. I saw a new lady of the evening yesterday (it was kind of a botched thing because I had texted her Wednesday evening but she didn't get back to me right away so I figured that she was all booked up. So I went ahead and jerked off that evening and also the morning then. Then in the noon yesterday I get a text "call me". I was weary if I should see her tonight because sometimes my body just isn't in the mood for sex if I masturbated to completion not that long ago. But there was a 14 hour gap between that and seeing her so I figured it should be fine. I also popped a Soft Cialis I got from an online pharmacy just in case (sometimes those things work, sometimes they don't. I think it's just a placebo effect when it does "work"). So yeah I saw her, she was one of the hottest women I have ever seen in my life (!). She's Portuguese-Canadian. Petite spinner. Banging body. Stunning eyes, face, smile, hair. Perfect 10. The family of one of her parents is from the city over next to my parents' village. Girl-next-door brunette type. Basically girl of my dreams. Ready and willing for me. And I couldn't **** her (!). One of the hottest women I've ever seen in my life and my penis is so uncooperative. I got turned on momentarily but then after putting the condom on and I went inside, I got soft. lol. Say what you will about my methods (lol) but every guy here would give their left nut to have sex with that woman. She's the type of girl that guys at nightclubs and bars fall over themselves trying to impress and chase.
> 
> This happened to me so many times with women (civilian or otherwise) that it makes me scared of dating women. Just imagine if I actually managed to get that girl I went on dates with into bed. How the hell do you explain to a woman that you, as a 27 year old man, are too nervous to have sex? I have been willing to work around this with women in the past by going down on them (and I enjoy it). And in the moment they tend to be ok with the fact that you aren't ready to go. But when things go sour in a relationship, girls have nastily brought up my sexual issues in arguments and it makes me feel like ****. Though any woman that would hit below the belt like that is a *****. But that's the thing. I have a core belief at least part of the time that women are *****es. And when I can have sex, I can't cum and I have to explain "it's not you, it's me."
> 
> There are times where I'm more comfortable, confident and go all super saiyan on a woman in bed (there is a higher probability of that the more I have sex with a particular woman. But there were times where I've had that kind of sex the first time. But I still don't cum. I never cum from sex. Never. Not even unprotected oral, though that brings me closer than protected sex). That's what's really ****ed up about this thing. I'm actually good at sex (not to brag or anything but I can go hard and fast for a very long time without cumming. And I'm basically Mr. ***** from Sex and the City. I'm really into and good at cunnilingus.) But sex makes me feel very anxious much of the time so I alternate between beast mode and wet noodle. lol. And I'm not the type of guy that can have sex every day. Though I'd still say that my sex drive is "average". I think for most men, it's normal to not be in the mood every day. And this issue is something that most men don't want to talk about. My ex's sex drive outstripped mine so I'd try to accommodate her needs by going down on her. I'm not on any meds right now so that's not affecting my sex drive.
> 
> So yeah, if I can't even perform when a hot woman is ready and willing for me, how the hell am I supposed to be dating with this problem? My doctors can't really help me either. My GP referred me to an endocrinologist. I had to wait half a year for an appointment basically. And the only thing my endocrinologist has for me is that he thinks it's psychological and he can't help me with that because his area of expertise is hormones, not psychology. He had me do a more accurate, effective T test recently and I'm awaiting the results of that. But he says that he can tell my testosterone is fine just by looking at me.


Wow so what u gotta keep pushing forward


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Wow so what u gotta keep pushing forward


yea there is nothing else I can do. But it still sucks. Even when a hot naked woman is right there, I find a way to lose. lol.

My social anxiety and social awkwardness is a part of me. For the time being anyway. I believe it will always be a part of me to some extent. I need a girl who is understanding of that. That young lady of the evening is understanding because I'm her sugar daddy. One of her many sugar daddies. lol. Regular women tend to not be as forgiving. Hence why I hate women sometimes and have intimacy and trust issues.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> yea there is nothing else I can do. But it still sucks. Even when a hot naked woman is right there, I find a way to lose. lol.
> 
> My social anxiety and social awkwardness is a part of me. For the time being anyway. I believe it will always be a part of me to some extent. I need a girl who is understanding of that. That young lady of the evening is understanding because I'm her sugar daddy. One of her many sugar daddies. lol. Regular women tend to not be as forgiving. Hence why I hate women sometimes and have intimacy and trust issues.


Man, you just want to be defeated. You basically ignore all the good stuff that is happening and will happen and you just defeat yourself every step of the way regardless. You will be whatever you think you'll be so if you think you will forever be "weird" or "socially awkward" then you are only cementing that belief. I can tell your identity wavers a lot and i sounds like you want to be a defeatist while at the same time you don't want to. You fluctuate from high to low...if things aren't going well for you it's the end of the world and if things are going well for you your ego is too large. Either way, you'll crash and burn if something bad happens like that


----------



## phoenixwright

PHP:







bwidger85 said:


> Man, you just want to be defeated. You basically ignore all the good stuff that is happening and will happen and you just defeat yourself every step of the way regardless. You will be whatever you think you'll be so if you think you will forever be "weird" or "socially awkward" then you are only cementing that belief. I can tell your identity wavers a lot and i sounds like you want to be a defeatist while at the same time you don't want to. You fluctuate from high to low...if things aren't going well for you it's the end of the world and if things are going well for you your ego is too large. Either way, you'll crash and burn if something bad happens like that


this is why I have considered whether I have bipolar or borderline personality disorder. Bipolar is unlikely since my highs don't qualify as manic episodes. Borderline maybe. I fell for a borderline girl and I noticed a lot of myself in her. But she was more unstable mentally so maybe it's not that. Or I could be more mild. I think I might meet some of the criteria going down the list. I have an unstable sense of identity and self-esteem like bpds. And I can be impulsive (promiscuous sex, speeding. I alternate between driving assertively and conservatively on the road. Ive had more near close calls than i should. i need to drive more carefully. especially in the winter. With sex I can be Christian Grey one moment, wet noodle the next. With dating I can be charming, engaged and funny or I could be out of it mentally).


----------



## Barette

Pheonixwright, no offense, but you keep considering whether or not you have Asperger's, and now you're wondering if it's BPD or Bipolar disorder? I was just in a residential facility and met quite a few girls with BPD and bipolar disorder (maybe like 10, combined), and I can attest that if you had those disorders (especially untreated for this long), they'd be entirely controlling your life right now, there'd be no wondering. Maybe instead of wondering if the cause of whatever you're struggling with is this disorder, or that disorder, or this on the autism spectrum, or that, just like, work on changing it. Trying to figure out what the cause is kind of seems like a way for you to not feel the obligation to yourself to change what you don't like, kind of like "well I have Asperger's so I can't help it" IDK, I'm just saying, I really doubt you have bipolar disorder or BPD now, after saying you have Asperger's so much.


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> Pheonixwright, no offense, but you keep considering whether or not you have Asperger's, and now you're wondering if it's BPD or Bipolar disorder? I was just in a residential facility and met quite a few girls with BPD and bipolar disorder (maybe like 10, combined), and I can attest that if you had those disorders (especially untreated for this long), they'd be entirely controlling your life right now, there'd be no wondering. Maybe instead of wondering if the cause of whatever you're struggling with is this disorder, or that disorder, or this on the autism spectrum, or that, just like, work on changing it. Trying to figure out what the cause is kind of seems like a way for you to not feel the obligation to yourself to change what you don't like, kind of like "well I have Asperger's so I can't help it" IDK, I'm just saying, I really doubt you have bipolar disorder or BPD now, after saying you have Asperger's so much.


I want to know what the underlying issues are so that I know how to change them. Based on what I do know, I get anxious and socially awkward in social situations. Including dating and sex (yes that is a social situation). I want to know the why so I know what I need to do to correct this. If I have Aspergers I'm mostly ****ed. That is a permanent neurobiological disorder. It stays with you for life. You have to manage it with social skills training.

My self-esteem and thought patterns are god awful. I think I know what causes that. But the social awkwardness is what concerns me more. I don't know if its just a byproduct of SA for me or inexperience with life or if its a neurobiological issue like aspergers.


----------



## Barette

If you get anxious and socially awkward in social situations then it's likely social anxiety. Maybe it's Asperger's, I can't know and won't pretend I do, but all the same, I've had a friend with Asperger's and her having it was blindingly clear. She had 0 social skills, like _none_. If you think you have it, then alright. But I mean, it's just funny to me to read you talking about Asperger's a lot, and now saying you've considered that you have bipolar and borderline.


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> If you get anxious and socially awkward in social situations then it's likely social anxiety. Maybe it's Asperger's, I can't know and won't pretend I do, but all the same, I've had a friend with Asperger's and her having it was blindingly clear. She had 0 social skills, like _none_. If you think you have it, then alright. But I mean, it's just funny to me to read you talking about Asperger's a lot, and now saying you've considered that you have bipolar and borderline.


a doctor thought I was on the spectrum when he evaluated me at 4. But another doctor didn't believe so. I get less awkward the more I get comfortable with someone and the more experience I get in certain situations. That would suggest I don't have it. But I often speak in a disorganized way even with friends and family at times so I don't know. I need more time than others to think through what I'm gonna say and organize my thoughts.


----------



## Barette

I mean I'm not saying you don't have it, I can't know.


----------



## anomalous

phoenixwright said:


> I get less awkward the more I get comfortable with someone and the more experience I get in certain situations. That would suggest I don't have it. But I often speak in a disorganized way even with friends and family at times so I don't know. I need more time than others to think through what I'm gonna say and organize my thoughts.


This sounds *exactly* like me. My social skills appear to be near-zero when placed in social situations with strangers (and certain types of people, like frat boy types that I know are out for social blood), and improve markedly around friends and family. But even with them, I'm still a bit of an oddball, and typically don't use the same social protocol normal people do.

Also, when it comes to non-social interactions -- for example, ordering food or calling a store to check their hours -- my anxiety is minimal and I can do it competently. It's when I'm explicitly supposed to socialize at length that things start to fall apart. Dating would just be the ultimate combination of all my agitating factors.

I don't know whether it's Aspergers, nor have I ever been evaluated. My attitude is that being placed in an arbitrary category by psychologists is unlikely to bring me much closer to changing my life, especially seeing as there's really no medication to "solve" that disorder. Therefore, I'm not going to waste my time or money hunting down psychiatric evaluations, especially seeing as I don't have much of the latter to begin with.


----------



## phoenixwright

Messaged a couple more girls on OKCupid. When I looked into the profile of one of them, she answered that she is a virgin. 23 year old female virgin. Challenge accepted. lol. Whenever I hear that a female is a virgin at 23, they immediately have my curiosity. Because I find it very hard to believe that a woman can remain one at that age.


----------



## AllToAll

phoenixwright said:


> Messaged a couple more girls on OKCupid. When I looked into the profile of one of them, she answered that she is a virgin. 23 year old female virgin. Challenge accepted. lol. Whenever I hear that a female is a virgin at 23, they immediately have my curiosity. Because I find it very hard to believe that a woman can remain one at that age.


What a gem. I'm surprised you're still single.

:roll


----------



## phoenixwright

AllToAll said:


> What a gem. I'm surprised you're still single.
> 
> :roll


Do you really have to be that hostile? It's just unusual. Is all. So naturally I'd be curious as to why a 23 year old female is virgin. Since almost by default they would be virgins by choice. I bet if you compared 23 year old males with 23 year old females, you'd find a lot more of the males to still be virgins.


----------



## AllToAll

phoenixwright said:


> Do you really have to be that hostile? It's just unusual. Is all. So naturally I'd be curious as to why a 23 year old female is virgin. Since almost by default they would be virgins by choice. I bet if you compared 23 year old males with 23 year old females, you'd find a lot more of the males to still be virgins.


1) Take a look at this site. Bunch of women 23+ who haven't had sex. Not every woman hasn't had sex "by choice."
2) Really? That's your reason for messaging her? Curiosity about her lack of sexual experience? Then you have the audacity to ***** about the fact that women don't respond well to your advances or that they don't like you in general.


----------



## komorikun

It's not easy to get into a relationship with a guy you find attractive. It has always been a lot of work for me and took months or years of searching.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Hanging out with one in a minute. Girl A from a few pages back I think. Hopefully I don't throw up on myself on the walk over.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

StevenGlansberg said:


> Hanging out with one in a minute. Girl A from a few pages back I think. Hopefully I don't throw up on myself on the walk over.


I was shaking just while texting her tonight. SA is so stoooooooooooopid.


----------



## anomalous

AllToAll said:


> What a gem. I'm surprised you're still single.
> 
> :roll


What in the bloody hell is the problem with inexperienced men seeking out inexperienced women?

I completely share his POV in that it would be a lot less pressure and there'd be a feeling of having something in common.

I'm sure you'll focus disproportionately on his playful "hard to believe" comment, but I've seen several of you hard-line feminists irate over the very idea of men preferring virgins. I really don't understand it, especially when it's not some predatory, experienced player who has a fetish and just wants to take advantage of virgins for a night.


----------



## nightrain

StevenGlansberg said:


> I was shaking just while texting her tonight. SA is so stoooooooooooopid.


Good luck!


----------



## anomalous

komorikun said:


> It's not easy to get into a relationship with a guy you find attractive. It has always been a lot of work for me and took months or years of searching.


Ballpark, what percentage of men around your age (or your preferred age, I should say) would you say you find attractive?


----------



## nightrain

anomalous said:


> What in the bloody hell is the problem with inexperienced men seeking out inexperienced women?
> 
> I completely share his POV in that it would be a lot less pressure and there'd be a feeling of having something in common.
> 
> I'm sure you'll focus disproportionately on his playful "hard to believe" comment, but I've seen several of you hard-line feminists irate over the very idea of men preferring virgins. I really don't understand it, especially when it's not some predatory, experienced player who has a fetish and just wants to take advantage of virgins for a night.


The guy said it's hard to believe a woman can still be a virgin at 23. I'm pretty sure just about any woman would roll her eyes at that. Rightfully so.


----------



## komorikun

anomalous said:


> Ballpark, what percentage of men around your age (or your preferred age, I should say) would you say you find attractive?


I really don't know. It depends on the location. I'm more attracted to the common phenotypes in Latin America so I found a larger percentage of the men attractive. Here (SF) it is much smaller since I'm not into pasty white guys or Chinese-Americans. Japan was sort of in between.


----------



## phoenixwright

AllToAll said:


> 1) Take a look at this site. Bunch of women 23+ who haven't had sex. Not every woman hasn't had sex "by choice."
> 2) Really? That's your reason for messaging her? Curiosity about her lack of sexual experience? Then you have the audacity to ***** about the fact that women don't respond well to your advances or that they don't like you in general.


Why is this such a sensitive issue for you in the first place? You are assuming that I look down on 23 year old virgins or something.


----------



## AllToAll

anomalous said:


> What in the bloody hell is the problem with inexperienced men seeking out inexperienced women?


He's not sexually inexperienced. He simply doesn't deal well with women because he's always thinking of jumping into bed with them or somehow sexualizing their existence.



phoenixwright said:


> Why is this such a sensitive issue for you in the first place? You are assuming that I look down on 23 year old virgins or something.


This isn't a "sensitive issue" for me, it's just a pattern with you. Then you post these long-*** threads asking why women react a certain way to you. Well, there you go. This isn't about me, but about the fact that you screw up with women and then blame it on them or wonder why, gee, it's not going anywhere.


----------



## Milco

Currently not doing anything.
Seems to be working at least as well for me as actually trying, just involves less effort and hopes getting up :um


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I don't know how many times exactly I've already said it, but absolutely nothing. lol

On occasion I'll see a lovely looking gal in my travels but as much as I would want to, I am simply too craven to say anything.


----------



## phoenixwright

AllToAll said:


> He's not sexually inexperienced. He simply doesn't deal well with women because he's always thinking of jumping into bed with them or somehow sexualizing their existence.


thats not true. If you read my posts you would have known that I am interested in getting into a long- term relationship and finding love. But it's typical for women to think in black and white and think that all a guy wants is ***** if he feels like just getting laid now and then.



> This isn't a "sensitive issue" for me, it's just a pattern with you. Then you post these long-*** threads asking why women react a certain way to you. Well, there you go. This isn't about me, but about the fact that you screw up with women and then blame it on them or wonder why, gee, it's not going anywhere.


How does me wondering about 23 year old virgins have anything to do with me screwing up with women?


----------



## StevenGlansberg

StevenGlansberg said:


> Hanging out with one in a minute. Girl A from a few pages back I think. Hopefully I don't throw up on myself on the walk over.


Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...failure to flirt or make a move and friend zoned...we at the bar and she talking about finding me a girl...probs not a good sign lol.


----------



## AllToAll

phoenixwright said:


> thats not true. If you read my posts you would have known that I am interested in getting into a long- term relationship and finding love. But it's typical for women to think in black and white and think that all a guy wants is ***** if he feels like just getting laid now and then.


Oh, I've read your posts... Sometimes I really wish I hadn't. That being said, I'm not the one thinking B/W. You always seem to bring up my gender when you refer to me whereas I never do. By your examples, the way you talk about women, the things you criticize them for, your sense of entitlement that's why you don't do well with women, and I'd say that to a female poster as well, but you seem to just throw it out there constanttly; enough for me to not resist and point at.



> How does me wondering about 23 year old virgins have anything to do with me screwing up with women?


A person you DON'T know ANYTHING about, and the reason you decide to approach her is because she's never had sex... That's totally appropriate and it definitely makes you relationship-material. :roll

But I mean, go on. Like I said, no wonder you're still single.


----------



## Sourdog

AllToAll said:


> Oh, I've read your posts... Sometimes I really wish I hadn't. That being said, I'm not the one thinking B/W. You always seem to bring up my gender when you refer to me whereas I never do. By your examples, the way you talk about women, the things you criticize them for, your sense of entitlement that's why you don't do well with women, and I'd say that to a female poster as well, but you seem to just throw it out there constanttly; enough for me to not resist and point at.
> 
> A person you DON'T know ANYTHING about, and the reason you decide to approach her is because she's never had sex... That's totally appropriate and it definitely makes you relationship-material. :roll
> 
> But I mean, go on. Like I said, no wonder you're still single.


 Silly woman, learn your place.


----------



## AussiePea

Moving on from the fisticuffs above, out of the blue the girl I went on 3 dates with in September last years messaged asking if I wanted to play some games of squash with her. I am intrigued because she just disappeared without a call or text explaining why back in Sept, so I'm not really sure what the dealio is.


----------



## anomalous

AllToAll said:


> Oh, I've read your posts... Sometimes I really wish I hadn't. That being said, I'm not the one thinking B/W. You always seem to bring up my gender when you refer to me whereas I never do. By your examples, the way you talk about women, the things you criticize them for, your sense of entitlement that's why you don't do well with women, and I'd say that to a female poster as well, but you seem to just throw it out there constanttly; enough for me to not resist and point at.
> 
> A person you DON'T know ANYTHING about, and the reason you decide to approach her is because she's never had sex... That's totally appropriate and it definitely makes you relationship-material. :roll
> 
> But I mean, go on. Like I said, no wonder you're still single.


Your complete disregard for the struggles of your male counterparts with the exact same disorder you know so well is appalling. You're viciously attacking and belittling a person who clearly has good intentions and is working at a huge disadvantage to obtain something that's fundamentally important to the human experience.

I don't care that he occasionally reveals a passing comment or minor notion that offends the feminist dogma; it's self-evident that he's harmless and just wants a fulfilling relationship, in the same context as 90% of the male population. The minute nitpicking you (and certain other feminists here) get caught up on regarding his language would probably indict well over half of all men, if it were applied to the entire population. That includes tons that you know IRL and don't have a problem with, just because they have no reason to talk about this subject in conversation and reveal their feminist shortcomings.

Say what you want about "bitter nice guys" who sometimes cross lines and say nasty things about women; at least that's from a position of weakness and frustration. Your comments are downright cruel (i.e., "no wonder you're still single"). Congratulations; you used his deepest insecurities as a weapon because he dared refer to your gender or admit he likes virgins. If only we could all be so righteous.


----------



## TPower

"No wonder you're still single" is a meaningless sentence considering jobless, violent, mysoginist, abusive men get in relationships all the time.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> how does that make sense? She had an entire day to respond right? lol. It takes like what? A minute to respond to a text message?
> 
> Ah well. It is what it is. I wouldn't recommend calling her out on it. But yea texting allows girls to play games like this. That's why they prefer texting.


So the second date is tonigth. Did in mention that she is actually good looking I'm way more nervous than our first dinner

Her attractiveness for some reason makes it harder


----------



## bsd3355

creeped a many girls out tonight. "60% creeper".... i love that reference

i do my best with what i have lol


----------



## phoenixwright

AllToAll I dont want to get into this it's tiring. You do no know me and you don't know how I interact with women. My situation is frustrating. My SA affects my dating and sex life in a very fundamental way. I'm actually a softie at heart. I told an escort she had really beautiful eyes while she was performing oral sex on me. Does a guy who hate women do that ****? Maybe you think its sad that i do that bit i really don't care. Sex has psychological benefits. If that guy in Montreal who opened fire on a bunch of women on an all-female college campus had some sort of female warmth in his life, I don't think he would have snapped and shot all those women. Society creates marginalized men like that. We may have economic welfare for the poor. Bit we don't have any welfare for the soul/heart (I had to get that paper first right? Not every guy with SA is fortunate enough to make 44k per year) The need for sex, companionship and female warmth is among Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Maybe just maybe I'm ****ing lonely and it's nice to be able to have some sort of female warmth instead of just failing to make any connections with women again and again and again because I'm this socially retarded guy. We have needs and society doesn't give a ****. Thankfully there are women out there who provide a service to those of us who have social difficulties with women. And yet society (especially women, they are much more opposed to prostitution than men in polls. Because women feel like they lose power over us if we can always pay for sex with a woman who is actually nice to us and much more attractive) wants to **** on them and the men who make use of their services. Men on here are not allowed to voice their gender-specific frustrations with dating and sex (how society may forgive a woman for being shy but a guy is totally ****ed if he is. If girls didn't think I was cute, I wouldn't have ever had a girlfriend or had sex without paying for it). But it's a very real need.



bwidger85 said:


> creeped a many girls out tonight. "60% creeper".... i love that reference
> 
> i do my best with what i have lol


a girl called you 60% creeper? That is cold man.

The problem is that all these douchebags are practicing PUA and the girls are getting annoyed at this and associate every guy who approaches women with those guys.

There was an Asian guy at our group who was practicing escalation and kino techniques (a friend of mine was eyeing them and pointed this out to me) on this Asian girl at our SA meetup after the meeting (lol) when they joined us at the bagel shop and then at a bar. It remains to be seen if it actually works or if she is just too shy to tell the guy that she's not interested and he's being pushy. I wouldn't be surprised at the later. Ive been in situations where the girl wasn't assertive enough to stop me. But then afterwards when I text her later or email, she was unresponsive and cold.

My friends are such cockblockers. I had to remind them to not cockblock the guy.

I bet the girl will ignore his texts and stop coming too group. Lots of girls stopped coming to group because they felt uncomfortable with the male attention. I might have scared off one girl (who ended up being a lesbian) and it seems like another is keeping her distance from me. I don't know I'd it's just me but I lose my feeling of attraction to a woman if it seems that she's not responsive. So I really don't feel like chasing this shy SA girl. Talking to women who are actually looking for a boyfriend or fwb are a better use of my precious free time.


----------



## Anxietyriddled

> Talking to women who are actually looking for a boyfriend or fwb are a better use of my precious free time.


Good point. If a girl isn't receptive she isn't worth your time. That's the mentality that attracts women,My time is valuable so better hop at this opportunity to get with a great guy. They want men who have business to handle and not just obsessed with women.



> We have needs and society doesn't give a ****. Thankfully there are women out there who provide a service to those of us who have social difficulties with women. And yet society (especially women, they are much more opposed to prostitution than men in polls. Because women feel like they lose power over us if we can always pay for sex with a woman who is actually nice to us and much more attractive) wants to **** on them and the men who make use of their services.


Pretty much agree for men who need that extra help because they didn't have those positive confidence building experiences growing up. Some kind of help is needed, though not necessarily sex with escorts, just having them help learn to socialize can be a great benefit too.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So the second date is tonigth. Did in mention that she is actually good looking I'm way more nervous than our first dinner
> 
> Her attractiveness for some reason makes it harder


So we had our second date which was about 5 hours though I was shocked when she mentioned what time it was.

She insisted on paying for dinner

So today I'm going to invite her over to the apartment. I feel as though its time.

In fact I am not going to wait either lol if we have a good time I'm gonna ask her if she wants to be my gf.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So we had our second date which was about 5 hours though I was shocked when she mentioned what time it was.
> 
> She insisted on paying for dinner
> 
> So today I'm going to invite her over to the apartment. I feel as though its time.
> 
> In fact I am not going to wait either lol if we have a good time I'm gonna ask her if she wants to be my gf.


Here is the problem though in need her to come over so that I can be comfortable

Bit I dint want her to think that there has to be sex like I also just want her to see the place maybe make out a bit

How do I qualify the invite


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Here is the problem though in need her to come over so that I can be comfortable
> 
> Bit I dint want her to think that there has to be sex like I also just want her to see the place maybe make out a bit
> 
> How do I qualify the invite


I was basically asking the same thing on here within the past 3 weeks. lol.

It seems like things are going good with you and her though. Unless she lacks assertiveness to such a degree that she'd allow herself to go on a date with a guy she isn't that into for 5 hours.

That girl (whom I french kissed awkwardly on date three) spent almost 3 hours with me over coffee (!) on date 1. Some girls just aren't very assertive. Or maybe they just want the extra time to feel a guy out.

As for making the bf/gf thing "official", I think it's too early for that. Don't kids these days usually wait until after having sex at least before making things official? But I'm no expert.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> a girl called you 60% creeper? That is cold man.
> 
> The problem is that all these douchebags are practicing PUA and the girls are getting annoyed at this and associate every guy who approaches women with those guys.
> 
> There was an Asian guy at our group who was practicing escalation and kino techniques (a friend of mine was eyeing them and pointed this out to me) on this Asian girl at our SA meetup after the meeting (lol) when they joined us at the bagel shop and then at a bar. It remains to be seen if it actually works or if she is just too shy to tell the guy that she's not interested and he's being pushy. I wouldn't be surprised at the later. Ive been in situations where the girl wasn't assertive enough to stop me. But then afterwards when I text her later or email, she was unresponsive and cold.
> 
> My friends are such cockblockers. I had to remind them to not cockblock the guy.
> 
> I bet the girl will ignore his texts and stop coming too group. Lots of girls stopped coming to group because they felt uncomfortable with the male attention. I might have scared off one girl (who ended up being a lesbian) and it seems like another is keeping her distance from me. I don't know I'd it's just me but I lose my feeling of attraction to a woman if it seems that she's not responsive. So I really don't feel like chasing this shy SA girl. Talking to women who are actually looking for a boyfriend or fwb are a better use of my precious free time.


if a girl thinks i'm a "pua" for talking to her then she's ****ed up in the head. and that's her problem not mine


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I was basically asking the same thing on here within the past 3 weeks. lol.
> 
> It seems like things are going good with you and her though. Unless she lacks assertiveness to such a degree that she'd allow herself to go on a date with a guy she isn't that into for 5 hours.
> 
> That girl (whom I french kissed awkwardly on date three) spent almost 3 hours with me over coffee (!) on date 1. Some girls just aren't very assertive. Or maybe they just want the extra time to feel a guy out.
> 
> As for making the bf/gf thing "official", I think it's too early for that. Don't kids these days usually wait until after having sex at least before making things official? But I'm no expert.


So I'm gonna invite her to my place for tomorrow


----------



## dingdong

Zeeshan said:


> So I'm gonna invite her to my place for tomorrow


Can you invite her over for a movie and take out or something? 
For me personally, I'd be more comfortable with some sort of plan for the evening, instead of just a hang out type thing. But that's also just me.

Have fun!


----------



## J_Duece

Not really trying to meet a girl, but if it happens it happens. I'm just trying to become more comfortable in my skin and loving myself, before I seek out women.


----------



## Zeeshan

dingdong said:


> Can you invite her over for a movie and take out or something?
> For me personally, I'd be more comfortable with some sort of plan for the evening, instead of just a hang out type thing. But that's also just me.
> 
> Have fun!


yea i will invite her for a movie ;-)


----------



## rymo

J_Duece said:


> Not really trying to meet a girl, but if it happens it happens. I'm just trying to become more comfortable in my skin and loving myself, before I seek out women.


Good call man. I've been focusing on loving myself as well lately. Not easy though ;p


----------



## AllToAll

Sourdog said:


> Silly woman, learn your place.


Stop being so sour, dog.



anomalous said:


> Your complete disregard for the struggles of your male counterparts with the exact same disorder you know so well is appalling. You're viciously attacking and belittling a person who clearly has good intentions and is working at a huge disadvantage to obtain something that's fundamentally important to the human experience.


Have you read previous posts by him were he belittles women and calls them name because they're not interested in him? No, right. So please stop with the BS that I'm not sensitive to issues men with SAD face; I am. I'm simply not sympathetic towards HIS situation.



> I don't care that he occasionally reveals a passing comment or minor notion that offends the feminist dogma; it's self-evident that he's harmless and just wants a fulfilling relationship, in the same context as 90% of the male population. The minute nitpicking you (and certain other feminists here) get caught up on regarding his language would probably indict well over half of all men, if it were applied to the entire population. That includes tons that you know IRL and don't have a problem with, just because they have no reason to talk about this subject in conversation and reveal their feminist shortcomings.


Insulting feminist dogma or women? Because last time I checked insulting a woman using her age, sex and lack of interest towards him isn't something feminist alone dislike, but women in general.
Yeah, well all good indention men seek virgins as a conquest. If he's oh-so curious why can't he email her and just ask? Why is that, something that doesn't say anything about her personality, his go-to reason? Language is strong and the fact that you're describing it as a fiddling thing puzzles me.
And why the F is everyone bringing the fact that yes, I am a feminist? This has nothing to do with feminism, just general regard to this girl in particular and the fact that he doesn't see her for anything aside from her "virginity."



> Say what you want about "bitter nice guys" who sometimes cross lines and say nasty things about women; at least that's from a position of weakness and frustration. Your comments are downright cruel (i.e., "no wonder you're still single"). Congratulations; you used his deepest insecurities as a weapon because he dared refer to your gender or admit he likes virgins. If only we could all be so righteous.


Come again? Bitter nice guys? Where did I say anything of the sort. You do realize my issue is with him and his approach, not whatever else the other guys are posting here, right? It's cute, though, how I'm so horrible for "cruelly insulting" him, but it's ok if "bitter nice guys" once in a while throw women on the floor through insults. I didn't realize men couldn't be insulted, but women could. :roll 
His deepest insecurity is that he likes virgins? Well lucky him. He spends time with prostitutes, so I guess he developed a thing for virgins? You must know him so well, or is it that you're making assumptions about him based on his sex? Because you're doing such a horrible job with making assumption about me based on my sex.



TPower said:


> "No wonder you're still single" is a meaningless sentence considering jobless, violent, mysoginist, abusive men get in relationships all the time.


How they got into the relationship: emotional manipulation.
How the woman sticks around: fear.
There you go, Phoenix; emotionally manipulate women into being in a relationship with you, and then be violent to them so that they'll fear leaving you. Just thank TPower on your way out. 



phoenixwright said:


> AllToAll I dont want to get into this it's tiring. You do no know me and you don't know how I interact with women. My situation is frustrating. My SA affects my dating and sex life in a very fundamental way. I'm actually a softie at heart. I told an escort she had really beautiful eyes while she was performing oral sex on me. Does a guy who hate women do that ****? Maybe you think its sad that i do that bit i really don't care. Sex has psychological benefits. If that guy in Montreal who opened fire on a bunch of women on an all-female college campus had some sort of female warmth in his life, I don't think he would have snapped and shot all those women. Society creates marginalized men like that. We may have economic welfare for the poor. Bit we don't have any welfare for the soul/heart (I had to get that paper first right? Not every guy with SA is fortunate enough to make 44k per year) The need for sex, companionship and female warmth is among Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.


You're right; I don't know you. That's why your comments are sometimes so shocking. I wish I did know you, so that I could stay away from anyone who'd refer to other people the way you do.
Perhaps you're a "softie at heart," but your comments certainly don't come off that way. Perhaps that's the side you should be demonstrating because your others parts are shinning through. Your escort comment means nothing. You won't be the first or last man to compliment an escort. And I'm not saying you hate women. Where did I write that? But you don't ever show any regard towards women aside from their sexuality. Again why I keep pointing at the fact that you won't find a fulfilling relationship if you keep that up.



> Maybe just maybe I'm ****ing lonely and it's nice to be able to have some sort of female warmth instead of just failing to make any connections with women again and again and again because I'm this socially retarded guy. We have needs and society doesn't give a ****. Thankfully there are women out there who provide a service to those of us who have social difficulties with women. And yet society (especially women, they are much more opposed to prostitution than men in polls. Because women feel like they lose power over us if we can always pay for sex with a woman who is actually nice to us and much more attractive) wants to **** on them and the men who make use of their services.* Men on here are not allowed to voice their gender-specific frustrations with dating and sex (how society may forgive a woman for being shy but a guy is totally ****ed if he is. If girls didn't think I was cute, I wouldn't have ever had a girlfriend or had sex without paying for it). But it's a very real need.*


I'll overlook the fact that you're completely oversimplifying the reason behind those polling results because I'd derail the thread even further.
I do realize that shy women aren't criticized as much as shy men. We do suffer differently due to this disorder, but I was never arguing that, was I? I pointed at the fact that your sole purpose for contacting a woman on OKCupid (or wherever) was due to her virginity. You have a lot of sexual experience, at least if you go to brothels as much as your posts imply, so you're not "inexperienced" as most guys have reposted and even messaged to tell me. You're not going to find a fulfilling relationship if all you seek in a woman is for her to be a virgin.


----------



## Barette

It's funny how one criticism of one person's post gets several responses about feminism and society and nice guys and SAD blah blah blah...


----------



## Zeeshan

Barette said:


> It's funny how one criticism of one person's post gets several responses about feminism and society and nice guys and SAD blah blah blah...


Personally I don't want these discussion to take place in these thread


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> It's funny how one criticism of one person's post gets several responses about feminism and society and nice guys and SAD blah blah blah...


I just like talking about meeting girls tbh

I feel ya though

Btw, I have been getting so many flakes lately it's insane. The girl who was supposed to come over for a movie date flaked me then said she'd let me know but she didn't. I almost expected it though because there was absolutely no sexual chemistry on the coffee date and she seemed in the friend mentality.

Got kind of upset about it last night, especially considering how I've been going out lately and wasting time and money on beer and meeting rude girls in the process (automatically put you into a "bad" persona because you approach them). I guess that's what you have to deal with. I've been getting a **** ton of number but most never even text back after the first intial text. Once again, I've noticed if there is a connection beforehand they usually text back. I've had probably 4-5 girls who I thought I'd for sure have a date with. Only one of them went on a date then later flaked. Other girls said they'd let me know then of course never let me know.

I was contemplating not even bother asking for a number unless I felt some type of connection because that's the only thing that seems to not have girls flake. I've had a few girls lately tell me I'm cute and whatnot to simply flake me anyway. One girl approached me a couple weeks ago and still flaked me lol. It's crazy. But honestly, it is what it is. I'll just keep doing my thing. Maybe learn from these experiences and expect flakes from girls who I haven't connected with (makes sense). I'll try to keep it in perspective. Most the numbers I have got were from girls that didn't really invest nor have time to make a connection with me, so yeah. I've actually screwed a few things up with some of the girls by being too sexual and probably creeping them out and other ones I was probably too staightforward, but w/e. It is what it is. I think college approaches are more likely to flake me than bar approaches because in a bar I can actually have time to find out if I have chemistry or not and build some type of connection.

All's fair in love and war!


----------



## Nexus777

I believe I would get similar results to the poster before me, so I stopped for the time being looking after women, instead focus on other things, mainly how to get better income :| And improve my looks (lose weight etc) so my pics will be better to try online dating again (it is cheaper at least than going out). Maybe I try some sun studio too, cause I read that it is more attractive to have a suntan generally (I dont like it that much, but it seems you must adapt in these difficult time and society, damn)


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> I believe I would get similar results to the poster before me, so I stopped for the time being looking after women, instead focus on other things, mainly how to get better income :| And improve my looks (lose weight etc) so my pics will be better to try online dating again (it is cheaper at least than going out). Maybe I try some sun studio too, cause I read that it is more attractive to have a suntan generally (I dont like it that much, but it seems you must adapt in these difficult time and society, damn)


It's good to be healthy and look good but it's just as important to be actively trying to meet women. A good balance of both is optimal. You cannot escape rejection. It will happen. At the same time, I'm still optimistic about things. These things have happened in a relatively short amount of time. On a longer scale things will be better


----------



## Nexus777

bwidger85 said:


> It's good to be healthy and look good but it's just as important to be actively trying to meet women. A good balance of both is optimal. You cannot escape rejection. It will happen. At the same time, I'm still optimistic about things. These things have happened in a relatively short amount of time. On a longer scale things will be better


Yup I know, but I dont feel good myself with overweight, also I noted if looking at older pics from me (I had some pics which are ok unbelievable back in the past!), that it affects the face shape - and face is still the most important feature ... also I am kinda "poor" at the moment - I cannot multitask easily, so I try to get one problem after the other. The women prob might be the most important still, cause I have enough money to live on myself but not to go out much, make holidays, visit concerts, go to eat in better restaurants and other things women might demand...but good luck to you guys for the time being.

My list would be:
1) Money - better job - better income - better social standing (which may affect prob 2 much, maybe even prob 3)
2) No women
3) No friends

Just remembered: My car is kinda "scrapmetal" its a VW almost 16 years old, so not the one women might be impressed with looool - I still like it cause it drives good enough for me still.


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> Yup I know, but I dont feel good myself with overweight, also I noted if looking at older pics from me (I had some pics which are ok unbelievable back in the past!), that it affects the face shape - and face is still the most important feature ... also I am kinda "poor" at the moment - I cannot multitask easily, so I try to get one problem after the other. The women prob might be the most important still, cause I have enough money to live on myself but not to go out much, make holidays, visit concerts, go to eat in better restaurants and other things women might demand...but good luck to you guys for the time being.
> 
> My list would be:
> 1) Money - better job - better income - better social standing (which may affect prob 2 much, maybe even prob 3)
> 2) No women
> 3) No friends
> 
> Just remembered: My car is kinda "scrapmetal" its a VW almost 16 years old, so not the one women might be impressed with looool - I still like it cause it drives good enough for me still.


It doesn't hurt to improve those areas of your life, but you can still find someone you like given your current circumstances. GL.

A lot of people wouldn't agree because they don't believe it for themselves, but you are enough without all those things. If you can just believe that then all this extra stuff just seems like fluff talk.


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> It doesn't hurt to improve those areas of your life, but you can still find someone you like given your current circumstances. GL.
> 
> A lot of people wouldn't agree because they don't believe it for themselves, but you are enough without all those things. If you can just believe that then all this extra stuff just seems like fluff talk.


I fully agree with bwidger here, but I would tell that to Nexus777 in more harsh terms 

I think he tries to come up with excuses. Do you think a girl wouldn't be interested in you because of your car or your bank account balance? I don't disagree that there are these kind of girls out there, but they wouldn't be a good match for you anyway.

The most important thing is to approach and put yourself out there. Of course it's even better, if you can improve other areas in your life while you do that.

I realized that my own brain is my own enemy, when it comes to approaching. I need professional help from a therapist, because I think I have extreme approach anxiety.

I can give you an example from tonight, just a few minutes ago actually.

There was a cute girl at the checkout queue with two down syndrome people. Clearly she doing some kind of voluntary social year. I don't know if there is such a thing in America.
Of course I don't speak to her at the checkout queue, but saw her outside going to the bakery next to the shop and waiting for those two handicapped people outside alone. 
*THE perfect opportunity to talk to her...*
But like always I just look at this situation and regret it the second I walked away from her. My brain is already trying to come up with I reason to tell me that it was ok to not have approached her and succeeded by telling me that if she's doing that social year thing, then she's clearly too young for me. 
It's really amazing to see that I am already a state that I feel better if I can come up with some bu.ll$h,it reasons to not approach someone.

If think that these thinking patterns or defense mechanisms are reasons to try some professional help.

Of course I'm telling myself that I will approach her next time I see her, but I know myself already well enough to know that, that isn't going to happen.


----------



## bsd3355

^It takes time and specific focus to overcome those habitual thought patterns. You can do it but you need to solely focus on working on that specific problem until it is either nullified or controllable. Sometimes we try to take on more than we can chew at a time when it's best take smaller chunks first. Every mental barrier needs specific attention to be worked on. If it is a big barrier then most your attention should be put on fixing that one specific thing. Once you feel comfortable with that then you can move on to other things. This is why it takes practice, focus and patience. But at least these things do become internalized after a while.

You seem to know what you talking about but I just wanted to add that in

Make a plan for that specific goal (overcoming AA), but make the goals small at first.

Example:
1. Say hi to ANY random woman until you feel comfortable saying hi

Step 2 can be after you feel comfrotable from step 1:
2. Ask how ANY woman's day has been until you feel comfortable starting conversations

3. Start complimenting girls you find attractive

etc. etc. etc.

Start small and internalize the things before you move on to higher goals


My current goals are making connections with women; be indifferent to outcomes; be persistent


----------



## Nexus777

You both can have the women, I just put this back and focus on another area of my live 
Its not an excuse, I am terribly bad at multitasking (women are better in this) lol. I get overhelmed if trying to do too much at the same time. So you can can do it ? Or you have no other problems to solve, then go ahead, get these women. You can have them  Well I am very generous today it seems 

Also I may quote 2 women I knew like 5 to 10 years ago:

"women are demanding"
"shy is boring"

These were obviously down to earth and quite honest types, wish I could know them still

Reg. "professional help" I was in a clinic twice and also had a therapist 4 years ago, did not help. Cause these "professionals" dont know how to treat this form of SA at all (this was my impression at least)

AH @ Stoolie: In Germany you should better go to clubs, parties or pubs to approach women, it is not generally accepted here to approach them in their work lifes or on the streets etc. Most people here meet their partner at work or through friends (there is some statistic for it). Just for your info... I am Prussian so know a bit about Germany lol You also need to be more careful here, cause the sexual harrasment paragraph here is quite strict especially at the workplace... just for a warning.


----------



## bsd3355

^Not trying to be insensitive, but honest: that post is full of limiting beliefs that aren't true. And I'm not being naively optimistic when I say that. You have limiting beliefs that are not true. 

Two women telling you something is hardly enough evidence to believe in something. Besides, that is too general and vague, when in reality things go much deeper than that.

Second, you can approach women anywhere and have it work if you come off as a normal guy. Putting a barrier on popular social situations to meet women is putting more limits on things.

Thirdly, and most crappy, is that you give up on yourself and accept defeat when you probably haven't done enough, changed your limiting beliefs, to experince positive outcomes.

I know I'm "that guy" who always says these things, but that's what I do. Of course, you don't have to accept what I say but I've been where you are before.

The real reality is that we tend to make things hard on ourselves when it doesn't have to be that way.


----------



## Nexus777

Ok, I have limiting believes (PUA term btw), if you say so... I dont wanna discuss this cause my reasons are obvious. But thanks anyway. If I learn multitasking and/or solved my more serious prob, I get back to the women problem for sure, I promise it to you guys meanwhile more women for you cause I dont take them all away.......


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> Ok, I have limiting believes (PUA term btw), if you say so... I dont wanna discuss this cause my reasons are obvious. But thanks anyway. If I learn multitasking and/or solved my more serious prob, I get back to the women problem for sure, I promise it to you guys meanwhile more women for you cause I dont take them all away.......


God, all you guys think I'm some ****ing PUA? :roll

w/e.


----------



## Nexus777

LOL 2-3 guys in this thread sound like PUA, yes. At least I was in a PUA forum year ago or so and it sounded like some of you here......but thats not negative from my side (to each his own), I only dont like the wording they use.....and the stupid tricks puas should play like in a kindergarten (I am in my 30ties)...I seriously doubt that women over 20 or so would fall to these tricks, like hand reading or doing magic etc. or strawberry field whatever lol. Even if guy would be handsome women would think he´s seriously weird. But maybe women like weird guys or even these tricks.. I never tried so what do I know.


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> LOL 2-3 guys in this thread sound like PUA, yes. At least I was in a PUA forum year ago or so and it sounded like some of you here......but thats not negative from my side (to each his own), I only dont like the wording they use.....and the stupid tricks puas should play like in a kindergarten (I am in my 30ties)...I seriously doubt that women over 20 or so would fall to thiese tricks, like hand reading or doing magic etc. or strawberry field whatever lol


yes, i condone using "tricks" to meet women. you got me nailed :roll

i'm a pick up artist.....ah, i give up... you guys found me out! the word is out now!


----------



## stoolie

Nexus777 said:


> You both can have the women, I just put this back and focus on another area of my live
> You can have them  Well I am very generous today it seems


YAYYY free women from Nexus777!!! :boogie



Okay, where can I pick them up? I bet there's some kind of catch, isn't there? They probably have a beard or something... :blank

Nobody likes to hear that they are making up excuses not to do something and I guess that's the case with you. Don't get angry about this at me or bwidger please, we are just telling you what we think, that's all.

In the end you have to do or don't.

And not good at multitasking? What do you even mean by that? I'm just suggesting that you at least try, IF you see a girl/woman you like, while you are improving other areas in your li*f*e. Would you do that or would you tell yourself that you first need to get a better car, job etc.? If it's the latter then it's clearly an excuse, wouldn't you agree?

I'm also a native German and I believe you that most people find a partner through work or through friends. *But *is that a reason for you not to try anywhere besides work or your social circle? Because for me it certainly isn't a reason not to try it somewhere else or at least think about it (I have to work at that) :|
Or is that sexual harassment paragraph a reason for you not to ask someone out at work, because that would also be nothing else than an excuse in my opinion.

@bwidger Please relax about being called a PUA, I enjoy your posts. You said it yourself that most people are uninformed about the whole PUA thing.
I don't think that you trying any sketchy tricks to sleep with a girl, but that you're watching what you are saying, what your body language says and so on. And I think that those things a really helpful, but I completely condemn the whole categorizing of girl into 1-10 or faking who you are just to score.


----------



## Nexus777

You guys are funny 

I never implied that you are PUA, but just told what I think about it.

I refuse to let my life controlled by "getting women" at the moment at least.... this feeling maybe comes from that at the moment I dont see much of them anyway, if get more out again, then I am sure my "desire" will come back (sadly I may say) :sus And also the frustration may come back (even more sad)

Ah, I got trouble at work once with a girl who complained about me, even if I wasnt harrasing her at all. Just some "joking" around....so a burned child here..


----------



## rymo

Nexus777 said:


> You guys are funny
> 
> I never implied that you are PUA, but just told what I think about it.
> 
> I refuse to let my life controlled by "getting women" at the moment at least.... this feeling maybe comes from that at the moment I dont see much of them anyway, if get more out again, then I am sure my "desire" will come back (sadly I may say) :sus And also the frustration may come back (even more sad)
> 
> Ah, I got trouble at work once with a girl who complained about me, even if I wasnt harrasing her at all. Just some "joking" around....so a burned child here..


We all go through different phases, nothing to worry about with not feeling an overwhelming desire to pick up women. I am going through a period now where I want to focus on improving myself and finding my passions in life, and going out and scoring is not my top priority. That was last year's top priority ;p

Anyway, I think ultimately a balance is ideal - getting to the point where talking to girls doesn't take such a huge amount of focus that it controls your life. The unfortunate part is that if you don't know how to talk to women, getting to that point _can_ take a lot of effort. Breaking through that wall can become the main focus in your life if you really go for it. I'm not saying you're at that point, I really have no idea. But while I admire your nonchalant attitude and your wanting to focus on yourself right now, just know that it might take a bit of sacrifice in the short-term to achieve a total balance in your life for the long-term. Good luck either way!


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> You guys are funny
> 
> I never implied that you are PUA, but just told what I think about it.
> 
> I refuse to let my life controlled by "getting women" at the moment at least.... this feeling maybe comes from that at the moment I dont see much of them anyway, if get more out again, then I am sure my "desire" will come back (sadly I may say) :sus And also the frustration may come back (even more sad)
> 
> Ah, I got trouble at work once with a girl who complained about me, even if I wasnt harrasing her at all. Just some "joking" around....so a burned child here..


there is nothing wrong with not wanting to date. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. i don't think you need a girlfriend to be happy in life. but for those of us who are searching, there are some truths to be aware of. i hope i don't write things that give the impression that i'm saying meeting/dating women is what guys need to be happy. that's not what i mean. i also don't want to give off the impression i don't respect people who choose to remain single or dateless. i just get worked up when i hear things that i feel aren't true and i feel like the things i know are beneficial for others. but all in all, do your thing man. you probably don't care, but i respect your decision and i can empathize. but if you want to meet women then there are some things going on that i think you can benefit taking a note of


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> @bwidger Please relax about being called a PUA, I enjoy your posts. You said it yourself that most people are uninformed about the whole PUA thing.
> I don't think that you trying any sketchy tricks to sleep with a girl, but that you're watching what you are saying, what your body language says and so on. And I think that those things a really helpful, but I completely condemn the whole categorizing of girl into 1-10 or faking who you are just to score.


There are some things I know I say that come off as PUAish. Nexus777 is right in the sense that some terms I use probably did originate from the "seduction community". For the most part, I try to use terms that are't derogatory and I try to respect women. I use words like "flake" and stuff like that because I don't see any harm in it. But nexus is right about some of the terminology. As far as rating women based on a scale from 1-10, I find that to be derogatory so I stay clear of that. I also try to stay clear of generalizing women as if they are math equations because I know they are human beings. Some of the stuff I share is probably originated from the seduction community, but when you really think about it, a lot of what they say is true NOT because it comes from them but because it is human nature and social dynamics in general. I only share things I think will be HEALTHY for a PERSON to know regardless of where the information came from. If you read what I say you'll see I try to keep it healthy, and if it's condescending sounding it's usually because I am trying to help people realize something positive (even if they don't want to hear it lol). If I'm wrong I try to admit it or I won't say ****.

I can understand the confusion on the matter though. I just get worked up about being labeled a "PUA" (even though nexus supposedly didn't call me that) because when I think of "PUA" i think fake and being a con-artist. Everything about me not only dislikes that but I am AFRAID of being that way because I know that is overall negative and makes me a weaker person. A strong person is him/herself. A weak person is afraid to be him/herself. I do not believe in tricks nor manipulation and I recognize how unhealthy it is for both whoever is involved. The only thing I do that is iffy on my part is asking for directions at campus when I really don't care about directions. That's it. Other than that, I pride myself in keeping **** as real as possible because I know being a real person is much stronger than some fake social retard.


----------



## Nexus777

Thanks, I come back here if my issues are solved and I may concentrate on "dating"


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Here is the problem though in need her to come over so that I can be comfortable
> 
> Bit I dint want her to think that there has to be sex like I also just want her to see the place maybe make out a bit
> 
> How do I qualify the invite


So anyways, looks like things didnt work out here. She said she isnt sure and just wants to be friends

So i told her I wasnt interested, and i like people who know what they want

She replied with just an okay.

I think bottom line is initially she was attracted, but somewhere along the line things fell off. i am not going to dwell on it, truthfully i havent got the time. just keep chugging on.

I dont want to feel like its a disappointment. I know what i did wrong. Guys here on this forum arent going to like me for this, but its because i stopped nofap. So starting last saturday im back on.

I deleted her number, so that i wouldnt be contacting her again. if she does, she knows what i want.

Look at the end of the day, i know that this is a bad thing. However like pheonix i also understand that i am not normal. So forget about the details, like the posts in this thread i march on.



this is going to be much harder than i thought, you have to think that this girl didnt like me physically, which is a huge rejection. However i dont really care about it. Millions more where she came from.

On a different note, there was another girl that i invited over and didnt reply. I invited her over last week, i have never actually met her. She didnt bother to reply to my text. So i thought it would be a cool experiment if i were to call her up. Just to experiment and see what would happen.

edit: Truth be told, there is a little sinking heart feeling in my chest.


----------



## Nexus777

I feel for you..... all this suxx truth to be told.

Heres another depressing thread btw:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/to-hell-with-online-dating-231389/


----------



## bsd3355

This is funny


----------



## rdrr

Being myself, and that should be good enough for someone to accept.


----------



## stoolie

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways, looks like things didnt work out here. She said she isnt sure and just wants to be friends


Sorry to hear that Zesshan.

It's like this tread is evolving into "What are you doing to get a girl to flake on you" 

At least you got told off at the beginning.
I invited a girl to my place 3-4 times where we watched movies while cuddling and holding hands.

She even slept in my arms while holding hands for about 40 minutes.

After that she avoided contact or meeting with me for 5 weeks until finally telling me that she doesn't want a relationship at all and just wants to be alone.

This happend 5 1/2 months ago and I'm still not fully over it. That's really frustrating.


----------



## phoenixwright

I just got my test results. Endocrinologist says I have a legitimate test issue. He's going to do an MRI (pituitary adenoma is his diagnosis) and put me on testosterone replacement therapy. Cialis promotes blood flow. That is not my problem. My problem is hormonal. With my pituitary gland. That's why the cialis didn't work.

See my physician was useless. My endocrinologist is the competent one.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I just got my test results. Endocrinologist says I have a legitimate test issue. He's going to do an MRI (pituitary adenoma is his diagnosis) and put me on testosterone replacement therapy. Cialis promotes blood flow. That is not my problem. My problem is hormonal. With my pituitary gland. That's why the cialis didn't work.
> 
> See my physician was useless. My endocrinologist is the competent one.


Congrats and good luck with this new method!


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> Congrats and good luck with this new method!


I looked up pituitary adenoma (the doctor's diagnosis) on Wikipedia and apparently its noncancerous tumours in the pituitary gland. I had tumours in my brain all along? They're going to do an MRI test to confirm.

Pituitary adenoma is also associated with depression, anxiety, emotional instability, irritability and hostility.

So that's it right? I have social and generalized anxiety, depression and dick issues because I have noncancerous tumors in my brain?

If I have these tumors, testosterone replacement therapy isn't going to solve the core reason behind the issue though (getting rid of the tumours). It may solve the sexual issues but testosterone is not going to solve things like social/generalized anxiety and depression. I wonder if the anxiety and depression would go away if I got rid of those tumours.

I also read on Wikipedia that these tumours are also implicated in vision loss. I've been having vision problems lately (my optometrist wrote me a prescription for glasses).

I knew something was wrong with my brain. I knew that all these issues I had weren't just something I could will away. Just will me to be Beast Mode Phoenix or something.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I looked up pituitary adenoma (the doctor's diagnosis) on Wikipedia and apparently its noncancerous tumours in the pituitary gland. I had tumours in my brain all along? They're going to do an MRI test to confirm.
> 
> Pituitary adenoma is also associated with depression, anxiety, emotional instability, irritability and hostility.
> 
> So that's it right? I have social and generalized anxiety, depression and dick issues because I have noncancerous tumors in my brain?
> 
> If I have these tumors, testosterone replacement therapy isn't going to solve the core reason behind the issue though (getting rid of the tumours). It may solve the sexual issues but testosterone is not going to solve things like social/generalized anxiety and depression. I wonder if the anxiety and depression would go away if I got rid of those tumours.
> 
> I also read on Wikipedia that these tumours are also implicated in vision loss. I've been having vision problems lately (my optometrist wrote me a prescription for glasses).
> 
> I knew something was wrong with my brain. I knew that all these issues I had weren't just something I could will away. Just will me to be Beast Mode Phoenix or something.


Well test will help a lot. Test will deepen voice give more courage n increase risky behaviour

Not to mention note pheromones


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> Sorry to hear that Zesshan.
> 
> It's like this tread is evolving into "What are you doing to get a girl to flake on you"
> 
> At least you got told off at the beginning.
> I invited a girl to my place 3-4 times where we watched movies while cuddling and holding hands.
> 
> She even slept in my arms while holding hands for about 40 minutes.
> 
> After that she avoided contact or meeting with me for 5 weeks until finally telling me that she doesn't want a relationship at all and just wants to be alone.
> 
> This happend 5 1/2 months ago and I'm still not fully over it. That's really frustrating.


im not thats life. I tell you, i got some bad luck man. I mean since the start of this thread, i must have what gone out with 10 different women? Maybe more?

Now a lot of guys wouldnt be complaining about that, but it really scares me that i was not able to turn any of these women who were willing to go out with me into a relationship

really scares me. Not to mention, i can feel the heavy hands of time gaining on me


----------



## Rossy

I have a pretty strong feeling I have found the girl for me


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> I have a pretty strong feeling I have found the girl for me


Good for you and good luck keep us posted!


----------



## Osric

Zeeshan said:


> im not thats life. I tell you, i got some bad luck man. I mean since the start of this thread, i must have what gone out with 10 different women? Maybe more?
> 
> Now a lot of guys wouldnt be complaining about that, but it really scares me that i was not able to turn any of these women who were willing to go out with me into a relationship
> 
> really scares me. Not to mention, i can feel the heavy hands of time gaining on me


How are you structuring these dates? What else do you have going on in your life? How long did you wait before introducing some touching?

If the problem is that you are not able to go from the date to sex, then I offer this advice: you have to frame relationships in a sexual way from the very start, otherwise the woman will lose attraction for you.

Why, you ask--aren't I being smooth? No, you're never being smooth: women are more perceptive than men and can, in general, intuitively pick up that you want sex from them.

What, then, is the solution? You have to own your masculinity and your sexual desires and basically not care what she thinks.

If you are able to have sex with these women but they don't want a relationship with you, then that's a whole different can of worms.


----------



## Zeeshan

Osric said:


> How are you structuring these dates? What else do you have going on in your life? How long did you wait before introducing some touching?
> 
> If the problem is that you are not able to go from the date to sex, then I offer this advice: you have to frame relationships in a sexual way from the very start, otherwise the woman will lose attraction for you.
> 
> Why, you ask--aren't I being smooth? No, you're never being smooth: women are more perceptive than men and can, in general, intuitively pick up that you want sex from them.
> 
> What, then, is the solution? You have to own your masculinity and your sexual desires and basically not care what she thinks.
> 
> If you are able to have sex with these women but they don't want a relationship with you, then that's a whole different can of worms.


Yes I agree. I think that if I had gone nofap to some of these dares the out come would gave been different

I'm much more sexually charged than n usually introduce touching very naturally n easy


----------



## phoenixwright

I'm debating whether I should take a break from dating until I get my testosterone issues resolved. I'm afraid of going to bed with a woman again, not getting it up or losing my erection and then either being left by the girl or her using that against me later on when things go sour in the relationship (this has happened to me before. I've had sexual functioning issues to one degree or another with every woman I've slept with).

There's this girl on OKCupid I'm really interested in contacting. DTF and girlfriend material. And she works in the mental health field (crisis counsellor). I work as a volunteer in a similar setting and I majored in psychology. My day job is completely different. The negative self-talk side of me says that I'm not good enough for her anyway (she's not like a "knockout" or anything. She's got curves. But very beautiful and I like curvy women). 

But what if she actually does like me and want to sleep with me? Then what? lol. She sleeps on the first date if she really likes a guy. Obviously I want to get intimate but it scares me. I'm a mixed-bag erectile wise so you either get Christian Grey or Wet Noodle and that can alternate within one sitting. And I can't cum and girls usually feel inadequate because of that (and also the wet noodle thing).

So either I don't message her and risk some other guy talking to her and capturing her interest. Or I talk to her and risk the possibility that she will like me and then be disappointed once it gets to her bedroom because of my issues. They still haven't booked an MRI appointment for me yet. And I won't be getting the testosterone replacement therapy until a week-ish after they do the MRI. She's looking for a long-term boyfriend and wants kids (don't know what her timeline is though) and she's a crisis counselor so you'd think she'd be understanding. The last thing I want though is to risk that humiliation where a girl leaves you or worse, she is not understanding and treats you like ****. 

There are methods I've used before in the past to work around the issues (ie. performing oral sex on a girl). And for most women, oral sex is more likely to get them off than intercourse (because the clitoris is very sensitive). But at the end of the day, they do want to **** (I do too but I'm not always physically capable because of my hormonal problems). lol. Also with my ex, she did not like to return the favour, which frustrated me greatly. I would like go down on her for like 5 minutes and be really into it while she would go down on me for like a minute and give a really half-hearted blowjob. And this other girl wanted me to go down on her. But she had a full blown bush and bad hygiene. Hells no.


----------



## bsd3355

^When are you gonna learn that dating is full of rejections? Just accept it, keep dating, if you match good with someone, then good; if you don't, then it won't work out.

You guys put way too much emphasis on the small stuff.

No one is perfect, and so if a girl likes you, she'll contend with imperfections just like anyone else she may date.

This thread is going downhill on a repeat of answering the same stuff over and over again that we should of realized by now. I'm losing interest

A lot of people here will not allow themselves to move forward. They won't allow themselves regardless of what you say so it's redundant to keep repeating ourselves to some people.

I am beginning to see that dating may not be on some of your first-to-do lists. Some of you may need professional help


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> I am beginning to see that dating may not be on some of your first-to-do lists. Some of you may need professional help


In fact a lot of us do.


----------



## Rossy

Zeeshan said:


> Good for you and good luck keep us posted!


I will do,she is on holiday currently with her family so the fact that I am missing her is a good sign. I just have this serious urge to go and meet her for a talk and hug but I am gona have wait for another three weeks:|


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> ^When are you gonna learn that dating is full of rejections? Just accept it, keep dating, if you match good with someone, then good; if you don't, then it won't work out.
> 
> You guys put way too much emphasis on the small stuff.
> 
> No one is perfect, and so if a girl likes you, she'll contend with imperfections just like anyone else she may date.
> 
> This thread is going downhill on a repeat of answering the same stuff over and over again that we should of realized by now. I'm losing interest
> 
> A lot of people here will not allow themselves to move forward. They won't allow themselves regardless of what you say so it's redundant to keep repeating ourselves to some people.
> 
> I am beginning to see that dating may not be on some of your first-to-do lists. Some of you may need professional help


Girls may overlook imperfections. But I don't know if erectile dysfunction is one of them. What am I supposed to do? Tell girls that I have a tumour in my pituitary gland that makes it difficulty for my gland to produce testosterone and that she'll have to wait until they schedule an MRI for me (it could be a long wait for me to get that MRI too) and put me on testosterone replacement therapy for us to have a normal sex life? I know of one woman who stood by her new boyfriend while he worked those issues out. But they are probably the exception to the rule.

I have a ****ing tumour (non-cancerous but still) in my brain and you make light of the situation. It's ridiculous. You go put yourself in my shoes. You don't have erectile dysfunction or a tumour in your ****ing brain. An older friend of mine actually had surgery (through his nose) to remove the same type of tumour. He doesn't have much of a pituitary gland left. I don't want to have my brain operated on! The thought scares the **** out of me. I also have other problems that I now see are related to this tumour. Double vision symptoms that started a few months ago. I saw an optometrist. I now wear glasses. But the problem doesn't go away 100% all the time with the glasses. And my vision is getting worse. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, emotional instability, etc. are all related to this condition as well.


----------



## iam2452

You're putting way too much emphasis on minor things imo. If a person truly likes you they will look past this and be supportive of you through the process. I used to think this way too but its a ****ing waste of time. I have loads of health problems both mental and physical and I figured no one would ever want to deal with me with all these problems I have. But if I keep thinking this way I will never do anything in life or meet anybody either. So I say **** it, a decent person will accept my imperfections and deal with a few bumps that may occur along the way.



phoenixwright said:


> Girls may overlook imperfections. But I don't know if erectile dysfunction is one of them. What am I supposed to do? Tell girls that I have a tumour in my pituitary gland that makes it difficulty for my gland to produce testosterone and that she'll have to wait until they schedule an MRI for me (it could be a long wait for me to get that MRI too) and put me on testosterone replacement therapy for us to have a normal sex life? I know of one woman who stood by her new boyfriend while he worked those issues out. But they are probably the exception to the rule.
> 
> I have a ****ing tumour (non-cancerous but still) in my brain and you make light of the situation. It's ridiculous. You go put yourself in my shoes. You don't have erectile dysfunction or a tumour in your ****ing brain. An older friend of mine actually had surgery (through his nose) to remove the same type of tumour. He doesn't have much of a pituitary gland left. I don't want to have my brain operated on! The thought scares the **** out of me. I also have other problems that I now see are related to this tumour. Double vision symptoms that started a few months ago. I saw an optometrist. I now wear glasses. But the problem doesn't go away 100% all the time with the glasses. And my vision is getting worse. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, emotional instability, etc. are all related to this condition as well.


----------



## Zeeshan

iam2452 said:


> You're putting way too much emphasis on minor things imo. If a person truly likes you they will look past this and be supportive of you through the process. I used to think this way too but its a ****ing waste of time. I have loads of health problems both mental and physical and I figured no one would ever want to deal with me with all these problems I have. But if I keep thinking this way I will never do anything in life or meet anybody either. So I say **** it, a decent person will accept my imperfections and deal with a few bumps that may occur along the way.


i agree


----------



## komorikun

Well, if he is meeting women online they won't "truly like him" since they are strangers. It takes a while for someone to grow on you usually.


----------



## Barette

If you're looking at profiles of DTF women and are getting worried about sleeping on the first date, then just don't look at DTF women. Look for women who want to wait a few months of dating to have sex.


----------



## komorikun

Does anyone wait months these days? I'd think it's a month at the max with online dating. 

Maybe some people are friends or acquaintances for months and then start dating. But to be actively dating and wait months for sex? I kind of doubt it.


----------



## meganmila

^ Yeah I agree...months seems way too long.


----------



## Barette

I don't personally know anyone waiting months, it seems people either jump into sex quickly (which IMO is anything before monogamy) or wait till marriage. At least with people I've known. But my aunt didn't have sex with my uncle till like 4 months into the relationship when they started dating a couple years ago (my uncle over shares). So it happens. I personally think it's sweet to wait until you have an emotional connection before you have sex, and that can take months sometimes. I was raised to be old fashioned though.


----------



## bsd3355

_The following is just updates and thoughts I wanted to share..._

I haven't gone out since last saturday. I've used excuses as to not do anything. My car broke down early in the week but used the time spent fixing it not to go out; my phone got stolen a couple days later, so used that as an excuse. Most the things that happened took a lot of my focus and time away from trying to meet girls, so I used them as excuses.

I've lost drive this week and I lost the excitement, but I honestly don't feel right not taking action. I've spent most my life not taking action with dating; the pain is buried deep. My drive doesn't just come from nowhere. I have certain things that motivate me: my age, lack of dating, lack of feeling any "success", understanding that progressing/attempting/challenging myself makes me happy (this is most important to me). If I am to be honest with myself, NOT striving for what I want depresses me. I can only speak for myself--I've said it many times--but striving and going after what I want in life makes me happy. If I don't strive, challenge or progress I get sad or depressed. That may or may not be a downfall on my part but in a way I'm happy I have it to motivate me.

So with that said, I don't want to stop striving for this particular goal (to meet girls). It's my own personal goal that has meaning to me and makes me happy. It's a challenge, and it kind of depresses me to think of all the time I've spent in the past not taking action, and tonight I feel a sense of depression and sadness that triggers those past feelings. I know a lot of people in this forum feel that way now. If there is anything to take from what I said in this post, realize that taking action toward a specific goal tends to create happiness. If you take that action and you still feel sad then you need to address those things that make you sad (mentality or other areas of your life). Just attempting and progressing forward will bring happiness, or at least content. I think this has to do something with our evolutionary past. I think we've evolved to always be striving for survival in all ways, and to not strive means essentially to not survive in its bare sense. That may explain the feeling of depression/sadness I get when I don't take action, or it may just be a mental thing on my end.

It's not too late if you're alive. It's NEVER too late if you want it. Some people will tells us we are too old, too young, not smart enough; dumb enough, etc., etc., but it doesn't matter. If you want it then that's all that matters. To me, living a life always running from fears is no life at all, and then to be in a place of depression from running from your insecurities/fears/doubts only solidifies that depression and doubt. It's dangerous not to take progressive steps to a degree. Keep striving, at least it brings a feeling of content. Ultimately, however, things seem to work in either upward or downward spirals, and so taking progressive action will spiral your whole essence in the positive direction in all areas of your life.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> _The following is just updates and thoughts I wanted to share..._
> 
> I haven't gone out since last saturday. I've used excuses as to not do anything. My car broke down early in the week but used the time spent fixing it not to go out; my phone got stolen a couple days later, so used that as an excuse. Most the things that happened took a lot of my focus and time away from trying to meet girls, so I used them as excuses.
> 
> I've lost drive this week and I lost the excitement, but I honestly don't feel right not taking action. I've spent most my life not taking action with dating; the pain is buried deep. My drive doesn't just come from nowhere. I have certain things that motivate me: my age, lack of dating, lack of feeling any "success", understanding that progressing/attempting/challenging myself makes me happy (this is most important to me). If I am to be honest with myself, NOT striving for what I want depresses me. I can only speak for myself--I've said it many times--but striving and going after what I want in life makes me happy. If I don't strive, challenge or progress I get sad or depressed. That may or may not be a downfall on my part but in a way I'm happy I have it to motivate me.
> 
> So with that said, I don't want to stop striving for this particular goal (to meet girls). It's my own personal goal that has meaning to me and makes me happy. It's a challenge, and it kind of depresses me to think of all the time I've spent in the past not taking action, and tonight I feel a sense of depression and sadness that triggers those past feelings. I know a lot of people in this forum feel that way now. If there is anything to take from what I said in this post, realize that taking action toward a specific goal tends to create happiness. If you take that action and you still feel sad then you need to address those things that make you sad (mentality or other areas of your life). Just attempting and progressing forward will bring happiness, or at least content. I think this has to do something with our evolutionary past. I think we've evolved to always be striving for survival in all ways, and to not strive means essentially to not survive in its bare sense. That may explain the feeling of depression/sadness I get when I don't take action, or it may just be a mental thing on my end.
> 
> It's not too late if you're alive. It's NEVER too late if you want it. Some people will tells us we are too old, too young, not smart enough; dumb enough, etc., etc., but it doesn't matter. If you want it then that's all that matters. To me, living a life always running from fears is no life at all, and then to be in a place of depression from running from your insecurities/fears/doubts only solidifies that depression and doubt. It's dangerous not to take progressive steps to a degree. Keep striving, at least it brings a feeling of content. Ultimately, however, things seem to work in either upward or downward spirals, and so taking progressive action will spiral your whole essence in the positive direction in all areas of your life.


Well said

I'm in good spirits anxiety is down to like nothing


----------



## monotonous

i only read what the op said, thank you for trying to help, but i find it kind of pathetic you have to teach how to pick up a girl.. idk thats just me, i'm 26 and never had a gf so probably shouldn't say anything


----------



## saxny

Starting over 10 years ago...


 Lose 100+ Lbs
2 years later get surgery for gynecomastia (really bad case, so embarrassing
Get personal trainer
Start seeing psychologist, go from point where I had anxiety attacks being in public to being ok being in public (still anxiety from communicating with others)
4 years after last surgery get another surgery to get rid of embarrassing loose skin but leaves me with bad scars
Work up courage to start being more social.
Have trouble in beginning, so hire dating coach
Take baby steps in talking to girls but starting asking out a lot.
Go to reddit/yelp/meetup.com events to try to make friends
Meet up with individual people off reddit and yelp also.
 In 2 years, make 0 friends and pull of 0 dates on my own after concentrating on doing nothing but being social.

Finally meet a girl and we click really well, I'm finally happy to made first friend in life, this girl really likes me and we get along well. I think it's finally over

After a month I blow it because of inexperience/insecurity/miscommunication she pretty much instantly loses interest in me.

Take advice form forums who tell me to talk to more girls to get over her.
For two months talk to more girls than I ever have, just trying to get over this, 0 success. I get fed up with rejection and stop.

Start a downward spiral, start seeing psychiatrist, she tells me I should stop forcing myself to do these things if I'm not enjoying it. She puts me on different meds which drive me to the edge of suicide.

After 6 months I'm finally starting to come out of the hole, I realize I'm more content just being alone not trying then torturing myself with anxiety of forcing myself to socialize.

Make decision to never try anymore, realize it's not just pessimism and I'm really going to die alone  Going to date this one girl in my head for the rest of my life and just be alone.

/vent


----------



## VanGogh

I was trying online dating but I've proven it to be a farce. I'm trying to rebuild my friend network and have reasons to go out and people to go out with or do things with. I'm occasionally talking to girls whenever opportunities happen when I get myself out there. I've pursued my creative interests more to see if somehow that draws in girls who have something in common. I've joined meetup to see if I can find common interest friends but so far it seems to be hit or miss because the only groups I have interest in seem to be filled with other socially awkward folks and I think it's important I mingle more with people who don't have those kind of issues.


----------



## Zeeshan

monotonous said:


> i only read what the op said, thank you for trying to help, but i find it kind of pathetic you have to teach how to pick up a girl.. idk thats just me, i'm 26 and never had a gf so probably shouldn't say anything


keep that attitude, and you will be 36 pretty soon.

why dont you try some of the advice in this thread instead


----------



## Zeeshan

Im actually doing very well. N, the girl i last dated didnt send me any more texts, its okay. i was hoping she would be intrigued as to how easily i could let her go, and be curious, but no.

Its important not to dwell on mistakes. Buying an samsung pad today


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Does anyone wait months these days? I'd think it's a month at the max with online dating.
> 
> Maybe some people are friends or acquaintances for months and then start dating. But to be actively dating and wait months for sex? I kind of doubt it.


Agreed. Basically the ****ing socialized Canadian health care system is putting my youth, my life ON HOLD. God knows how long it's going to take to get that MRI and testosterone replacement therapy gel packs. Now that I know what is wrong with me physically, I want to treat the problem ASAP. But the system bureaucracy is not allowing me to do that. I can't see why the endocrinologist can't just write me a prescription for the testosterone now. It's clear that I have a problem. Is the wait for the MRI even necessary?

I have considered ordering testosterone gel packs from an online pharmacy while I wait to get the real thing because I'm just fed up with all the waiting I have been made to endure. I first sought out help for this problem back in May 2012. But getting grey market testosterone could be potentially dangerous. I've ordered and used generic Cialis and anti-anxiety meds from online pharmacies before. But you don't know if that **** is even real or if it's dangerous.

Mentally the desire for sex is there. But physically, the desire fluctuates sharply. I guess it depends on my testosterone levels in the particular moment. Any girl that would date me at this point would have to be ok with cunnilingus at best from me at times. Because I just can't physically get hard or maintain hardness much of the time. On the flip side, if I'm hard, I can last for a long time because the low testosterone lowers my sensitivity.

So yeah this is why I'm contemplating taking a break from dating. But I've already taken a break from dating for years due to anxiety/depression and I'm 27. I hate being frozen out out of the game due to circumstances that are in the hands of other people. There's nothing I can really do right now about the hormonal problems and pituitary tumour. If my pituitary gland is not producing the testosterone that my dick needs, the erectile problems are going to continue to happen to one extent or another.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Agreed. Basically the ****ing socialized Canadian health care system is putting my youth, my life ON HOLD. God knows how long it's going to take to get that MRI and testosterone replacement therapy gel packs. Now that I know what is wrong with me physically, I want to treat the problem ASAP. But the system bureaucracy is not allowing me to do that. I can't see why the endocrinologist can't just write me a prescription for the testosterone now. It's clear that I have a problem. Is the wait for the MRI even necessary?
> 
> I have considered ordering testosterone gel packs from an online pharmacy while I wait to get the real thing because I'm just fed up with all the waiting I have been made to endure. I first sought out help for this problem back in May 2012. But getting grey market testosterone could be potentially dangerous. I've ordered and used generic Cialis and anti-anxiety meds from online pharmacies before. But you don't know if that **** is even real or if it's dangerous.
> 
> Mentally the desire for sex is there. But physically, the desire fluctuates sharply. I guess it depends on my testosterone levels in the particular moment. Any girl that would date me at this point would have to be ok with cunnilingus at best from me at times. Because I just can't physically get hard or maintain hardness much of the time. On the flip side, if I'm hard, I can last for a long time because the low testosterone lowers my sensitivity.
> 
> So yeah this is why I'm contemplating taking a break from dating. But I've already taken a break from dating for years due to anxiety/depression and I'm 27. I hate being frozen out out of the game due to circumstances that are in the hands of other people. There's nothing I can really do right now about the hormonal problems and pituitary tumour. If my pituitary gland is not producing the testosterone that my dick needs, the erectile problems are going to continue to happen to one extent or another.


Did the doctor test or levels? Were they norm?


----------



## bsd3355

monotonous said:


> i only read what the op said, thank you for trying to help, but i find it kind of pathetic you have to teach how to pick up a girl.. idk thats just me, i'm 26 and never had a gf so probably shouldn't say anything


Well if you cant meet girls then you could benefit with some help. I think it's more pathetic not to try at all if you want it


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Did the doctor test or levels? Were they norm?


My testosterone, FSH and other testosterone-releasing hormone related levels either scored low or in the very low range of normal (the so-called "normal" range is extremely liberal. My testosterone levels are very low for 27). My bioavailable testosterone is also in that very low range of normal.

Because the testosterone-releasing hormones in my pituitary gland scored low, my endocrinologist thinks it's a pituitary adenoma (non-cancerous tumour).


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> My testosterone, FSH and other testosterone-releasing hormone related levels either scored low or in the very low range of normal (the so-called "normal" range is extremely liberal. My testosterone levels are very low for 27). My bioavailable testosterone is also in that very low range of normal.
> 
> Because the testosterone-releasing hormones in my pituitary gland scored low, my endocrinologist thinks it's a pituitary adenoma (non-cancerous tumour).


Well u can always help me if our sitting around not chasing women


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Well if you cant meet girls then you could benefit with some help. I think it's more pathetic not to try at all if you want it


Exactly every guy should be going all out trying everything


----------



## monotonous

Zeeshan said:


> keep that attitude, and you will be 36 pretty soon.
> 
> why dont you try some of the advice in this thread instead


probably, thank you for your encouragement


----------



## Rossy

Well she's told me that she's missing me too,I am genuinely missing being in her company. I can't wait until she is back from holiday.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> Well she's told me that she's missing me too,I am genuinely missing being in her company. I can't wait until she is back from holiday.


great to hear bro, keep it up


----------



## Rossy

This feels a lot different from most things I've had in the past,I don't feel afraid to tell her how I feel,I feel 100% comfortable around her,we get on without even trying and so on.


----------



## monotonous

Rossy said:


> This feels a lot different from most things I've had in the past,I don't feel afraid to tell her how I feel,I feel 100% comfortable around her,we get on without even trying and so on.


cool


----------



## Sourdog

Hey I got a message from a random girl on POF and I didn't even send any messages out yet, Woohoo. Unfortunately i'm not really attracted to her, should I respond to her anyways?


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Hey I got a message from a random girl on POF and I didn't even send any messages out yet, Woohoo. Unfortunately i'm not really attracted to her, should I respond to her anyways?


yes you should. why not get some chatting experience


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> This feels a lot different from most things I've had in the past,I don't feel afraid to tell her how I feel,I feel 100% comfortable around her,we get on without even trying and so on.


that's how it should be. congrats!


----------



## Rossy

Thanks she just feels like a really good friend,I've only known her for about two months but it feels like longer.


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> yes you should. why not get some chatting experience


 Alright, I'm not really sure what to say, but whatever i'll improvise.


----------



## Arthur Dent

I'm doing nada :kma

Unless starting to go to a psychologist last week to work on my issues about the subject counts.


----------



## phoenixwright

I was at a sports bar in Uptown Toronto last night with a UFC meetup group. There was this cute redhead there from Mississauga as well (we live like a <10 min drive away from each other). I was surprised that she actually showed up to group. I had a crush on her stemming from the previous time I saw her awhile ago but I wasn't seated at her table then. I felt anxious knowing that she would be there because on one hand I was attracted to her but on the other hand she's out of my league. She's a really pretty redhead. She can get any tall, muscular, ripped, charismatic, charming alpha male she wants.

I could barely get a word in. I was being drowned out by two more extroverted guys (one of those guys was way too old for her and the other was ugly. No offense). My male friend there told me that it seemed like she was annoyed by those two guys. And I'm not one hundred percent certain but on the way walking to the public parking lot where I parked my car, someone honked at me. I looked up and I think it was her (I think I saw someone in a white jacket in the car). But the motorist was driving eastward. We both live westward so you'd think that was an impossibility.

I'm beginning to see how my low testosterone probably makes me a very subdued person. It's hard for me to get a word in in group conversations. I feel almost constant fatigue. Your hormones can have a significant impact on your mood.


----------



## monotonous

ok to respond this topic, i have been doing all these **** for a while: workout, cut hair more often (just started this one), try to dress differently everyday (although i only have like 10 clothes), try to change my hair look everyday (thanks to my got2be i look so awesome), shave if i have time in the morning, go to bed early and get up early (this didn't last very long), having more vitamin C to boost my immune system, eat more protein to gain mass, sending out resumes to switch my career to a new area, guess what i still dont have a gf! woooo hoooo!


----------



## monotonous

phoenixwright said:


> I was at a sports bar in Uptown Toronto last night with a UFC meetup group. There was this cute redhead there from Mississauga as well (we live like a <10 min drive away from each other). I was surprised that she actually showed up to group. I had a crush on her stemming from the previous time I saw her awhile ago but I wasn't seated at her table then. I felt anxious knowing that she would be there because on one hand I was attracted to her but on the other hand she's out of my league. She's a really pretty redhead. She can get any tall, muscular, ripped, charismatic, charming alpha male she wants.
> 
> I could barely get a word in. I was being drowned out by two more extroverted guys (one of those guys was way too old for her and the other was ugly. No offense). My male friend there told me that it seemed like she was annoyed by those two guys. And I'm not one hundred percent certain but on the way walking to the public parking lot where I parked my car, someone honked at me. I looked up and I think it was her (I think I saw someone in a white jacket in the car). But the motorist was driving eastward. We both live westward so you'd think that was an impossibility.
> 
> I'm beginning to see how my low testosterone probably makes me a very subdued person. It's hard for me to get a word in in group conversations. I feel almost constant fatigue. Your hormones can have a significant impact on your mood.


sorry i didn't read the whole thing i wish you really had talked to her or do it in the future, girl like this only come once in a life time


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I felt anxious knowing that she would be there because on one hand I was attracted to her but on the other hand she's out of my league. She's a really pretty redhead. She can get any tall, muscular, ripped, charismatic, charming alpha male she wants.
> 
> .


No amount of testosterone is going to help with that mindset. If you dont believe me go to a forum like anabolic minds, these are men with above average test, and they deal with same issues. By the way, whats stopping you from going to shoppers drug mart and getting on Zinc in the mean time. Zinc alone can increase test levels by 20-30%.

Look height and muscles are attractive, but so is confidence.


----------



## Zeeshan

monotonous said:


> ok to respond this topic, i have been doing all these **** for a while: workout, cut hair more often (just started this one), try to dress differently everyday (although i only have like 10 clothes), try to change my hair look everyday (thanks to my got2be i look so awesome), shave if i have time in the morning, go to bed early and get up early (this didn't last very long), having more vitamin C to boost my immune system, eat more protein to gain mass, sending out resumes to switch my career to a new area, guess what i still dont have a gf! woooo hoooo!


Have you asked out a girl?


----------



## Zeeshan

All of a sudden i cant get a girl online to reply to messages. I must have sent 20 to 30 in the last couple of days and 0 results. One started a small convo then stopped replying. So i went ahead and deleted the entire about me in my profiles, and just left my pictures on now. 

I do see them checking out my profile, so obviously its rejection. Id like to go out, but its so freaking cold right now, its completely discouraging the weather. I see the girl i went on dates with last two weeks online, so i am still kind of discouraged right now. Still i am plugging away,

I mean overall i am in a much better place, and i think i can get dates ad get a great girl. However right now with a lack of a true social life, all i have in my access is online dating. I care about the non responders less and less.

however you know what kind of me brings me down. Say i have gone out with 7 girls in the last 7 months, not once has ever texted me spontaneously. I mean i hear all about how guys have girls they havent seen in a while hook up with them, but somehow it never seems to happen to me. I guess i am just speaking a bit out of frustration, my goals remain the same. I know things will work out great pretty soon, but i want to try new things, and new avenues. I am just about desperate to try anything.

I have thought about dating overweight girls, or girls not as attractive, just to have someone. I mean if i clearly cant get anyone of the girls who i thought were attractive, and start a meaningful relationship, than clearly i have overvalued myself. Perhaps i dont have such a great personality and am not really cute. So might as well, i mean i dont want to go into my 30s or mid 30s and not be married. I relish the thought

I have become less concerned with what society will think. In fact i dont care what society will think about anything. All them can go to the garbage can anyways. Maybe i just have to settle and start a family at some point. Its not now, and prob not this year, but its coming


----------



## monotonous

Zeeshan said:


> All of a sudden i cant get a girl online to reply to messages. I must have sent 20 to 30 in the last couple of days and 0 results. One started a small convo then stopped replying. So i went ahead and deleted the entire about me in my profiles, and just left my pictures on now.
> 
> I do see them checking out my profile, so obviously its rejection. Id like to go out, but its so freaking cold right now, its completely discouraging the weather. I see the girl i went on dates with last two weeks online, so i am still kind of discouraged right now. Still i am plugging away,
> 
> I mean overall i am in a much better place, and i think i can get dates ad get a great girl. However right now with a lack of a true social life, all i have in my access is online dating. I care about the non responders less and less.
> 
> however you know what kind of me brings me down. Say i have gone out with 7 girls in the last 7 months, not once has ever texted me spontaneously. I mean i hear all about how guys have girls they havent seen in a while hook up with them, but somehow it never seems to happen to me. I guess i am just speaking a bit out of frustration, my goals remain the same. I know things will work out great pretty soon, but i want to try new things, and new avenues. I am just about desperate to try anything.
> 
> I have thought about dating overweight girls, or girls not as attractive, just to have someone. I mean if i clearly cant get anyone of the girls who i thought were attractive, and start a meaningful relationship, than clearly i have overvalued myself. Perhaps i dont have such a great personality and am not really cute. So might as well, i mean i dont want to go into my 30s or mid 30s and not be married. I relish the thought
> 
> I have become less concerned with what society will think. In fact i dont care what society will think about anything. All them can go to the garbage can anyways. Maybe i just have to settle and start a family at some point. Its not now, and prob not this year, but its coming


has nothing to do with weather.. im sure you have had summer times.. just write down your online msgs and memorize them and use them in real world


----------



## Zeeshan

monotonous said:


> has nothing to do with weather.. im sure you have had summer times.. just write down your online msgs and memorize them and use them in real world


Nah dude, for me the weather is big. In the summer i can wear a nice slimming golf shirt, with a pair of jeans, my arm definition shows.

In the winter, i hate having to wear a coat. It highlights the fact that i am only 5'7" plus usually having to wear sweaters which me look stubby.

Id love to go approach some women when the weather gets a bit warmer, wanna join me?


----------



## monotonous

Zeeshan said:


> Nah dude, for me the weather is big. In the summer i can wear a nice slimming golf shirt, with a pair of jeans, my arm definition shows.
> 
> In the winter, i hate having to wear a coat. It highlights the fact that i am only 5'7" plus usually having to wear sweaters which me look stubby.
> 
> Id love to go approach some women when the weather gets a bit warmer, wanna join me?


where are you planning to go?


----------



## Zeeshan

monotonous said:


> where are you planning to go?


Anywhere with women. Bwidger seems to have a lot of luck at college campuses, i figure i am still in the range. beach area is always nice, just need someone to wing me


----------



## monotonous

Zeeshan said:


> Anywhere with women. Bwidger seems to have a lot of luck at college campuses, i figure i am still in the range. beach area is always nice, just need someone to wing me


lol i recommend you a place, humber north, i have been there twice last month and its like wow

i'm still struggling with my own issues and mind and **** so guess you will have to find somebody else as your wingman  good luck tho


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Signed up on OKCupid.:blank:yes:|


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Lol, this thread is still around?


----------



## Barette

It's true. SAS could be in ruins, this thread would still be standing strong. It's like a cockroach, or something less gross. Styrofoam. This thread is like styrofoam. Or Larry King. You think it's been dead, but nope, it's still going strong.


----------



## monotonous

Barette said:


> It's true. SAS could be in ruins, this thread would still be standing strong. It's like a cockroach, or something less gross. Styrofoam. This thread is like styrofoam.


so whats the "get a guy" post like?


----------



## Barette

monotonous said:


> so whats the "get a guy" post like?


Less whiny. Until some whiny guy came in, then it became whiny.


----------



## tbyrfan

Barette said:


> Less whiny. Until some whiny guy came in, then it became whiny.


These threads are like "no boys allowed" and "no girls allowed" clubhouses with the occasional invasion by the opposite sex. :teeth


----------



## meganmila

tbyrfan said:


> These threads are like "no boys allowed" and "no girls allowed" clubhouses with the occasional invasion by the opposite sex. :teeth


:lol


----------



## Barette

Except it's more okay for us to come in than it is for them to do so. It's totes fair, though, cause we have less cooties.


----------



## monotonous

Barette said:


> Less whiny. Until some whiny guy came in, then it became whiny.


woo you surely hate males on this forum


----------



## Barette

monotonous said:


> woo you surely hate males on this forum


Yes. I would like to castrate you all.


----------



## Owl-99

Barette said:


> Yes. I would like to castrate you all.


Don't mess with Barette's she is one tough ball buster. :clap


----------



## monotonous

Barette said:


> Yes. I would like to castrate you all.


with what, your teeth?


----------



## monotonous

tannasg said:


> Don't mess with Barette's she is one tough ball buster. :clap


**** that try to bust me


----------



## rymo




----------



## Barette

Poor rymo, this thread must be like seeing your child go to Harvard, only to get pregnant by the janitor.


----------



## monotonous

if some chicks think they are superior and came to a thread where males with sa share dating experience and call them whiny and gross like cockroach they picked the wrong day

and good examples rymo


----------



## arnie

Barette said:


> Poor rymo, this thread must be like seeing your child go to Harvard, only to get pregnant by the janitor.


:haha


----------



## Zeeshan

Why would a girl, get my email yesterday, but not reply till today. I know she read it, because it says read. Then she takes a full 24 hours to reply ;s


----------



## Barette

monotonous said:


> if some chicks think they are superior and came to a thread where males with sa share dating experience and call them whiny and gross like cockroach they picked the wrong day
> 
> and good examples rymo












Edit: Eh, I'm done. Sorry guys, I was bored.


----------



## monotonous

Barette said:


> Edit: Eh, I'm done. Sorry guys, I was bored.


whatever dude, later


----------



## monotonous

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I'm gonna give credence to this "opposites attract" thing and try dating girls that are very extroverted and sociable and see how that goes. I've always found myself more attracted to the more "low key" type girls, but there just isn't anything happening there.


saw your other post don't give up dude


----------



## RelinquishedHell

monotonous said:


> saw your other post don't give up dude


Yeah I'm trying to refrain from posting too much self hate because i do that a lot lol.


----------



## monotonous

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Yeah I'm trying to refrain from posting too much self hate because i do that a lot lol.


you are way too young to give up, or even being worried about it, join a club (if you're in college) or get your career started, you will get there one day


----------



## pete24

Well my dating attempts are over forever... I have a massive smashout trying to pull the other day. I would probably be on balls of steal or something if it wasnt for the fact I was drunk outta my head.

Remember my issues before where only time I would try and pull was online... never approached at all.

Friday I went drinking, got quite drunk, had a falling out with family so planned to do an all nighter and leave home on Saturday.

I was still wasted and went to this out of town place drunk as a skunk. 8am I got there, looked around and was in pub by 9am.

Girl number 1: Bar girl, tried chatting to, had a little joke with her, clearly wasnt interested.

Girl number 2: In street, got a smile when I tried talking to her, she couldnt wait to get away from me.

Girl number 3: In pub number 2, actually seemed keen after talking to her at bar, then went n sat with her and her group of friends. The group were about to leave soon and I asked if she would like to stay out for a bit and have a few drinks with me... she said she cant so I said about exchanging numbers.... got a "no, sorry"... n that was that

Girl number 4: By then in pub number 2 I was thinking that the bar women were super hot and had this idea in my head, that if I said I was from this beer reviewing online magazine that also commends staff in certain pubs I could chat to some of the hot staff, and who knows, maybe 1 could get to like me.

It sorta backfired. I tried with 1 staff member, all seemed ok, then I went n sat at a table. This old pensioner heard me saying to 1 of the female staff about my magazine thing. She started talking to me about the pub. Her husband didnt like it and told the staff member I was talking to that I was pestering his wife. The hot staff member (who I thought I was getting somewhere with) took me to 1 side and had a go at me, I was asked to leave.

Girl Number 5: By then I thought there was no chance. I guess I was way too wasted, decided to get the train home. Somehow staggered to train station. Spoke to this girl at train station who shot me down.

Girl number 6: I actually got on wrong train home, ended up in this town I had only remotely heard of, knew they had a good pub there, asked this women for directions n she gave me a lift to the pub. By then I thought perhaps I could pull an older women. went to the bar, this hot milf was getting drinks n I said "i'll get them for you" her reply "no don't, iv got my daughter with me too". I said id get the drinks to be kind n she doesnt have to talk to me again, I did n she said im a real gentlemen (didnt talk to her again).

Girl number 7: Made eye contact with this other woman in that pub, she was giving me eye contact, I thought she was interested, went n sat at table by them, kept giving eye contact. I guess she wasnt interested and thought that im some weirdo... I Left the pub.

Girl number 8: After leaving the pub I got lost, had to call this girl I know who likes me to get me directions to train station. Finally got there and got on train, on train I saw this hot girl. Kept giving eye contact then when it was near my stop I got off and spoke to her, thought I was getting somewhere. Walked her back to where she was getting a lift from. Asked for her number. She gave me it, however when she left I text her, she said "whos this" I said it was me and never got a reply again . Clearly was a fail.


Girl number 9: In my town I went to the pub for a final few beers before going home (not that I needed them). Once again sat at a table, this girl kept giving me eye contact, went to the bar, asked for a pen, was gonna write my number on some paper, then give her it. I got a pen, put my number on paper, went to where she was sitting and she had already gone.

Absolutely gutted. Really did something that was out of my territory, even did this to try n make new friends but instead I was looked at as weird, I embarassed myself, annoyed people. I will never approach a woman again in my life ever and im still in serious trouble with my mum.

I feel now that im just gonna lock myself in my room for about 2 weeks and not talk to anyone. As im low from my experiences I told that girl who likes me that I love her and we have got into a relationship. I dont even like her that much but im at a new low I think whats the worst that can happen


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

First day on OKCupid. Have 7 page visits. I sent a PM to five of them and no reply. OK.:blank:|:roll


----------



## rymo

Wrong Galaxy said:


> First day on OKCupid. Have 7 page visits. I sent a PM to five of them and no reply. OK.:blank:|:roll


First, sometimes it can take up to a week to get a reply. Most people don't check it all the time. Second, don't have high expectations. You see a girl that seems perfect for you - don't get excited! There is a high rate of flakiness on dating sites, so you don't want to get all wrapped up in one girl (not that you are or anything, just a warning). In other words, it's a numbers game. Send out a high number of quality messages with low expectations and you might do pretty well.


----------



## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> Edit: Eh, I'm done. Sorry guys, I was bored.


Don't be a rectangle?


----------



## Zeeshan

Wrong Galaxy said:


> First day on OKCupid. Have 7 page visits. I sent a PM to five of them and no reply. OK.:blank:|:roll


Lol 7 page visits is pretty good


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> Lol 7 page visits is pretty good


For sure, seems he is hot.... my "hot guy no.2" from the "online dating is hell" experiment thread didnt get any more visits, as well only 2 x 1 sentence meaningless PMs. Like "ur hot" :roll

Ah I see the SA women start their revenge campaign as Phoenix and me very boldly invaded their "get a guy" thread and annoyed them a bit it seems :clap


----------



## rymo

Nexus777 said:


> For sure, seems he is hot.... my "hot guy no.2" from the "online dating is hell" experiment thread didnt get any more visits, as well only 2 x 1 sentence meaningless PMs. Like "ur hot" :roll
> 
> Ah I see the SA women start their revenge campaign as Phoenix and me very boldly invaded their "get a guy" thread and annoyed them a bit it seems :clap


Perhaps not wasting time invading the "get a guy" thread would go a long way toward invading a "vagina" instead.


----------



## Brandeezy

Feeling really depressed this morning. I spent a couple of hours talking to this girl i found really attrractive on POF only for her to stop replying. She was online this morning and stil nothing. I have a feeling that she read that i didn't have a car and said **** this guy. **** sucks, this was my first message i recieved in about 2 weeks


----------



## Nexus777

rymo said:


> invading a "vagina" instead.


----------



## Cyclonic

I'm back to doing nothing to get a girl, and I don't really care anymore.

I've given up on dating sites. I'm finished with school. No women my age at work. Bars, clubs, and coffee shops just seem even more hopeless each week.



> Lol 7 page visits is pretty good


Yes lol, at least for me it would be, I might have 7 page visits in the last month.


----------



## southward

Zeeshan said:


> Why would a girl, get my email yesterday, but not reply till today. I know she read it, because it says read. Then she takes a full 24 hours to reply ;s


So many reasons, but maybe these will make you feel better.

She doesn't want to appear too anxious.
She wants to think about what she wants to say (even if her reply is only a few sentences).
She's actually pretty busy and doesn't want to give a reply until she can do so without feeling rushed.
She wants to avoid the situation for a while. I think this sounds worse than it actually is. I tend to avoid some messages for an extra day.


----------



## Brandeezy

Madax said:


> I'm back to doing nothing to get a girl, and I don't really care anymore.
> 
> I've given up on dating sites. I'm finished with school. No women my age at work. Bars, clubs, and coffee shops just seem even more hopeless each week.
> 
> Yes lol, at least for me it would be, I might have 7 page visits in the last month.


I'm in the same boat


----------



## Rossy

I got a message from her today saying she cant wait until shes back home so she can get a cuddle from me


----------



## monotonous

Brandeezy said:


> Feeling really depressed this morning. I spent a couple of hours talking to this girl i found really attrractive on POF only for her to stop replying. She was online this morning and stil nothing. I have a feeling that she read that i didn't have a car and said **** this guy. **** sucks, this was my first message i recieved in about 2 weeks


lol move on dude


----------



## theseventhkey

Barette said:


> Except it's more okay for us to come in than it is for them to do so. It's totes fair, though, cause we have *less cooties*.


Well Barette this where I have to respectfully disagree with you. Judging by all 30/40 year old virgin threads by males, I'm more inclined to believe your kind carries way, way, way, way, way, more "cooties" than the other kind.


----------



## Brandeezy

monotonous said:


> lol move on dude


If i don't get atleast one girl's number on POF this week, im done with online dating for good.


----------



## komorikun

I thought it was easier for black guys since the sex ratios are so skewed (way more women than men) in the black community.


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I thought it was easier for black guys since they are said to have such big dicks .


Fixed :teeth:teeth


----------



## bsd3355

Last week I had a girl tell me that I approached her roomate after I started texting her from college (awkward). Today I had a girl tell me I've approached her twice at the same campus lol. She's cool about it though She asked me if "i ask for directions a lot as a pickup line" and I asked her if she had any better ones? LOL. She's cool though and looks like a date is going to be set up regardless. Another girl texted me out the blue--I deleted her number because I though she flaked me so I honestly don't know who it is--and I have a date set up thursday with her.

I'm not a bad guy. I just do this because online doesn't work for me. Dating is tough and so if a girl doest understand why I'm approaching lots of girls WHILE BEING NICE ABOUT IT then I'm sorry. I wish this was a bigger town and I wish more girls would say yes or else I wouldn't be running into the same girls. Hopefully this doesn't happen too much, but it probably will....I might move if it gets real bad.

Got 4 numbers today. I have to get a lot of numbers or nothing happens unfortunately.

Another one of the girls said she's engaged after I started texting her and I said I respect that. She was happy that I said that because supposedly a lot of guys push anyways. I said, "You have to take charge or else nothing happens sometimes"...and she texted me back later and thanked me for being a "decent guy" about it and said that quote stuck in her mind for hours afterward. She said she is on a downward spiral with her fiance....and i told her if things don't work out text me....of course I will say that....but it was cool to get some girls who are nice about it...I don't see why they wouldn't be, I'm a nice guy regardless...

I approach lots of girls because I have to. Some people will respect that and others won't. I see nothing wrong with it. I'm not hurting anyone and it's innocent

Honestly, this is what I needed. It's good to see how I'm always right about everything (jk). Naw, but it's nice to see hard work finally paying off.

Guys, just stay with it and it'll happen!

Still, they could still flake. It's just what happens. Will see. A date for thursday and friday is confirmed with the girls this week


----------



## komorikun

Nexus777 said:


> Fixed :teeth:teeth


You mind is in the gutter, Nexus.


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> You mind is in the gutter, Nexus.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter

I'm lifting things up and putting them down. And eating healthy. Once I can see my abs, the girls will just line up. I'm sure of it.


----------



## komorikun

bwidger85 said:


> Last week I had a girl tell me that I approached her roomate after I started texting her from college (awkward). Today I had a girl tell me I've approached her twice at the same campus lol. She's cool about it though She asked me if "i ask for directions a lot as a pickup line" and I asked her if she had any better ones? LOL. She's cool though and looks like a date is going to be set up regardless. Another girl texted me out the blue--I deleted her number because I though she flaked me so I honestly don't know who it is--and I have a date set up thursday with her.
> 
> I'm not a bad guy. I just do this because online doesn't work for me. Dating is tough and so if a girl doest understand why I'm approaching lots of girls WHILE BEING NICE ABOUT IT then I'm sorry. I wish this was a bigger town and I wish more girls would say yes or else I wouldn't be running into the same girls. Hopefully this doesn't happen too much, but it probably will....I might move if it gets real bad.
> 
> Got 4 numbers today. I have to get a lot of numbers or nothing happens unfortunately.


Yeah, small college towns can be rough. I had one drinking buddy and she was so funny. She said one time she walked by a group of 4 guys at a party and waved at them but wouldn't go up to talk with them. She said she so embarrassed cause she had kissed all of them (on different occasions). :lol

I kissed a few guys that were friends with each other too. It's just inevitable since everyone knows each other, especially the people that like to party. So if you added one person on facebook, for sure you would have several friends in common.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Yeah, small college towns can be rough. I had one drinking buddy and she was so funny. She said one time she walked by a group of 4 guys at a party and waved at them but wouldn't go up to talk with them. She said she so embarrassed cause she had kissed all of them (on different occasions). :lol
> 
> I kissed a few guys that were friends with each other too. It's just inevitable since everyone knows each other, especially the people that like to party. So if you added one person on facebook, for sure you would have several friends in common.


Yeah, just another dating qualm among many others :roll


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Well my dating attempts are over forever... I have a massive smashout trying to pull the other day. I would probably be on balls of steal or something if it wasnt for the fact I was drunk outta my head.
> 
> Remember my issues before where only time I would try and pull was online... never approached at all.
> 
> Friday I went drinking, got quite drunk, had a falling out with family so planned to do an all nighter and leave home on Saturday.
> 
> I was still wasted and went to this out of town place drunk as a skunk. 8am I got there, looked around and was in pub by 9am.
> 
> Girl number 1: Bar girl, tried chatting to, had a little joke with her, clearly wasnt interested.
> 
> Girl number 2: In street, got a smile when I tried talking to her, she couldnt wait to get away from me.
> 
> Girl number 3: In pub number 2, actually seemed keen after talking to her at bar, then went n sat with her and her group of friends. The group were about to leave soon and I asked if she would like to stay out for a bit and have a few drinks with me... she said she cant so I said about exchanging numbers.... got a "no, sorry"... n that was that
> 
> Girl number 4: By then in pub number 2 I was thinking that the bar women were super hot and had this idea in my head, that if I said I was from this beer reviewing online magazine that also commends staff in certain pubs I could chat to some of the hot staff, and who knows, maybe 1 could get to like me.
> 
> It sorta backfired. I tried with 1 staff member, all seemed ok, then I went n sat at a table. This old pensioner heard me saying to 1 of the female staff about my magazine thing. She started talking to me about the pub. Her husband didnt like it and told the staff member I was talking to that I was pestering his wife. The hot staff member (who I thought I was getting somewhere with) took me to 1 side and had a go at me, I was asked to leave.
> 
> Girl Number 5: By then I thought there was no chance. I guess I was way too wasted, decided to get the train home. Somehow staggered to train station. Spoke to this girl at train station who shot me down.
> 
> Girl number 6: I actually got on wrong train home, ended up in this town I had only remotely heard of, knew they had a good pub there, asked this women for directions n she gave me a lift to the pub. By then I thought perhaps I could pull an older women. went to the bar, this hot milf was getting drinks n I said "i'll get them for you" her reply "no don't, iv got my daughter with me too". I said id get the drinks to be kind n she doesnt have to talk to me again, I did n she said im a real gentlemen (didnt talk to her again).
> 
> Girl number 7: Made eye contact with this other woman in that pub, she was giving me eye contact, I thought she was interested, went n sat at table by them, kept giving eye contact. I guess she wasnt interested and thought that im some weirdo... I Left the pub.
> 
> Girl number 8: After leaving the pub I got lost, had to call this girl I know who likes me to get me directions to train station. Finally got there and got on train, on train I saw this hot girl. Kept giving eye contact then when it was near my stop I got off and spoke to her, thought I was getting somewhere. Walked her back to where she was getting a lift from. Asked for her number. She gave me it, however when she left I text her, she said "whos this" I said it was me and never got a reply again . Clearly was a fail.
> 
> Girl number 9: In my town I went to the pub for a final few beers before going home (not that I needed them). Once again sat at a table, this girl kept giving me eye contact, went to the bar, asked for a pen, was gonna write my number on some paper, then give her it. I got a pen, put my number on paper, went to where she was sitting and she had already gone.
> 
> Absolutely gutted. Really did something that was out of my territory, even did this to try n make new friends but instead I was looked at as weird, I embarassed myself, annoyed people. I will never approach a woman again in my life ever and im still in serious trouble with my mum.
> 
> I feel now that im just gonna lock myself in my room for about 2 weeks and not talk to anyone. As im low from my experiences I told that girl who likes me that I love her and we have got into a relationship. I dont even like her that much but im at a new low I think whats the worst that can happen


I give you much respect for putting yourself out there like you did. It's tough at first to realize that dating is way more rejections than success, but when you accept that and you learn not to take it personally and you stay consistent, you will get what you are after.

I think a lot of guys haven't experienced this before, or they assume they shouldn't be getting rejected. I remember when a rejection online meant the world to me, but now I get rejected WAAAAYYYYYYYYY more than 9 times in a week (sometimes). If you want to meet girls then you have to accept that rejection is going to be a high rate, but another thing to consider is that it's also random; meaning, you can meet 2 or more girls in a week that actually want to date you, whereas, you can go months without landing a single date for w/e reason. A lot of people can't handle that uncertainty and they would rather assume something is wrong with them (understandably, but it's not going to help you).

I'm not advocating becoming a "PUA", but I have respect for guys who can do that consistently because it is extremely hard and time-consuming, and it takes a lot of will-power. It's not like a guy can just get up and get rejected 20+ times a week and be OK with it without learning a lot of stuff along the way. But that's another topic.... I'm not advocating anything here...just wanted to say that...

The sooner we accept that rejection is the center-piece of dating then the sooner we become detached from the outcomes. Besides, when you meet someone you really like and she likes you, all that rejection means nothing. Why can we get rejected in video games or sales, etc., so much but we can't in dating? It's because we attach our worth to it. But who really decides how worthy we are?

I am beginning to finally open up to the possibility that not everyone likes the same thing (same type of person) when it comes to dating, which is a relief because it opens up possibilities for everyone. Sure, there will be those who can get dates easier, but so what? There is someone out there for everyone. Some people have to work harder than others, but it's there regardless. That's my personal belief anyway.

Rejection is part of the process. Dating is extremely random, so be consistent and up the amount of people you talk to and you'll stack the odds more in your favor.


----------



## Brandeezy

komorikun said:


> I thought it was easier for black guys since the sex ratios are so skewed (way more women than men) in the black community.


Why do you assume that i live in the black community (i don't) & that i only look for black women?


----------



## bsd3355

some more random awesomeness from me to you, from some guy I added on my youtube channel, and then back to you...and stuff:






love my randomness. you must


----------



## AussiePea

Decided to change the way I approach this whole dating thing. My desires to actually get into a relationship aren't as strong as they have been however I do still enjoy the conversing, emails and hanging out with girls I have met during the past 6 months of dating that I have been doing.

So I have changed my profiles to read "looking for friends" and that is exactly what I am after. One girl I went on 3 dates with in Sept last year contacted me a week ago out of the blue asking if I wanted to go play squash as friends and we did so on Saturday, and I had SO much more fun just hanging out as friends than I did on the dates. The pressure was gone, I felt I could just relax and not worry about impressing her. 

So I feel like if I can just get to know girls as friends from the start where I am able to just relax a lot more and enjoy myself then if something else comes from it down the line, great, but if not I am really enjoying myself and increasing the amount of friends I have which is only a good thing. I guess I can see this only really working for me since I am not desperate to meet anyone romantically at all, if I was then I couldn't see this as being a good idea.


----------



## komorikun

Brandeezy said:


> Why do you assume that i live in the black community (i don't) & that i only look for black women?


Do you send much of any messages to black women on POF? Maybe that is part of the reason you aren't getting much of any replies. (I'm sure the reply rate is even lower on POF.)

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/










What part of the bay area are you in? I know you aren't in SF but. South Bay or East Bay?


----------



## StevenGlansberg

So...I was browsing new members on OKC and saw one of my friends that I am crushing on hard joined. Had an instant anxiety attack but I feel confident about my chances if I tell her I like her.

What would be the best way for me to **** this up?


----------



## TobeyJuarez

komorikun said:


> I thought it was easier for black guys since the sex ratios are so skewed (way more women than men) in the black community.


alot of black women will not date black men cause non of us have cars or jobs, and alot of black men will not date black women cause they are too loud and aggressive.... :roll


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Brandeezy said:


> Why do you assume that i live in the black community (i don't) & that i only look for black women?


this


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> I thought it was easier for black guys since the sex ratios are so skewed (way more women than men) in the black community.


----------



## Brandeezy

komorikun said:


> Do you send much of any messages to black women on POF? Maybe that is part of the reason you aren't getting much of any replies. (I'm sure the reply rate is even lower on POF.)
> 
> http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
> 
> What part of the bay area are you in? I know you aren't in SF but. South Bay or East Bay?


There's barely any black women in my area to begin with. I just checked 15 pages of active users in my area and there's only 6. I've spoken to 2 or 3 of them before also. I live in San Mateo where I'm the minority


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Wrong Galaxy said:


> First day on OKCupid. Have 7 page visits. I sent a PM to five of them and no reply. OK.:blank:|:roll


^^Slight stats error.



rymo said:


> First, sometimes it can take up to a week to get a reply. Most people don't check it all the time. Second, don't have high expectations. You see a girl that seems perfect for you - don't get excited! There is a high rate of flakiness on dating sites, so you don't want to get all wrapped up in one girl (not that you are or anything, just a warning). In other words, it's a numbers game. Send out a high number of quality messages with low expectations and you might do pretty well.


Thanks for the reply man. You're right about the excitement & the flakiness lol . I actually sent a message to 21 girls yesterday. But my mistake is that I just lately found out that I sent some to those whose accounts havent logged-in for several months, so I ruled that out or assume that those accounts are inactive anymore. So I filter my match searches to girls who last logged-in for the past month to increase the chances of a reply to my PMs.

Also My PMs goes like this "Hi... how are you" "hi.. how are you doing?" I also insert a compliment in those lines like you're pretty,beautiful, etc blah blah blah lol. SOme of the pms I sent are really informal like it was written by a jerk,jackass, or a douche lol. I know I suck I hate this part but this is more like an experiment to me really.. All girls are within my area only.

So 24 hours I have a total of 9 page visits.Only 1 PM reply with the word "tnx" (<--that short) out of 4 girls who view my page that I sent a pm with .



Zeeshan said:


> Lol 7 page visits is pretty good


Lol uhhmm yeah? I guess it's good then. I'ts the pm replies, I get kinda uhmm... but it's good.


----------



## komorikun

Brandeezy said:


> There's barely any black women in my area to begin with. I just checked 15 pages of active users in my area and there's only 6. I've spoken to 2 or 3 of them before also. I live in San Mateo where I'm the minority


Living in San Mateo without a car would be a rough one. Do you live near a BART or Caltrain station?

Yeah, you're right. I just found this map and according to it you don't find many blacks unless you go to East Bay or certain neighborhoods in SF.

http://www.businessinsider.com/segregation-map-america-new-york-2010-9?op=1


__
https://flic.kr/p/4981425631


----------



## erasercrumbs

I'm drawing a handsome face on the bag over my head.


----------



## Brandeezy

komorikun said:


> Living in San Mateo without a car would be a rough one. Do you live near a BART or Caltrain station?
> 
> Yeah, you're right. I just found this map and according to it you don't find many blacks unless you go to East Bay or certain neighborhoods in SF.
> 
> http://www.businessinsider.com/segregation-map-america-new-york-2010-9?op=1
> 
> 
> __
> https://flic.kr/p/4981425631


I live near Caltrain but not Bart


----------



## phoenixwright

I think I got flaked this week. That girl I was going to go on a date with this week, she told me on Saturday that she will get her schedule the next day and then she will let me know. She didn't. I sent her a brief schedule on Monday asking her if she got her schedule. She did not reply since. This was after she had promised me up and down awhile back that she wasn't flaking on me when she told me awhile back she had a semi-serious medical issue (that she was taking like 2-3 weeks to recover from. She said it was personal and involved reproductive organs, which made me concerned it was a STD). And after all the eagerness on her part from before.

It's gotten to the point where I feel there is no point in giving a ****. I wasn't even into her. I just wanted to get laid. And I was dating a good bit below my level. And plus it sucks knowing that my low testosterone may be the difference between staying stranded at third base with a girl or going all the way.

I'm going to take a break until I get on testosterone replacement therapy. Even if I search exclusively for relationships up until then, if a girl likes me, she's going to want to have sex with me by date 3-5 most likely and I just physically can't sometimes or I might be able to for awhile and then if we take a break, I might not be able to get going again.


----------



## bsd3355

^it happens. Keep trying and open up other avenues if you decide to get back into it


----------



## phoenixwright

I don't get my MRI until May 23rd. I am really upset. Nearly 4 month wait for an MRI. Canadian health care is ****. The Canadian health care system has wasted like a year of my life. I have first sought help for this problem back in May last year. I feel tempted to take matters into my own hands and order testosterone gel packs from an online pharmacy but that could be potentially dangerous. I have purchased and used anti-anxiety meds and generic Cialis from online pharmacies and that stuff hasn't harmed me as far as I know. But I've been reading reports that online pharmacies often carry bogus placebos or unsafe drugs, some of which can potentially kill you. I don't see why my endocrinologist can't just write me a prescription right now. Not to mention that my current vision problems are likely the result of this tumour based on the research I've done online. And these tumours are linked to anxiety, depression, irritability, mental instability, etc.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

I can't seem to register in POF!. I tried for almost an hour last night it always says "username taken @$##$#[email protected]$#@$#@[email protected][email protected]" blah blah blah. Tried dozens of complicated username, still an error. Googled it and it's quite a common bug/error in POF. Too bad. I heard that people in POF is a lot more "loose" compared to OKc,more into hangouts,short meet-ups,casual *** and gettin laid.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> I don't get my MRI until May 23rd. I am really upset. Nearly 4 month wait for an MRI. Canadian health care is ****. The Canadian health care system has wasted like a year of my life. I have first sought help for this problem back in May last year. I feel tempted to take matters into my own hands and order testosterone gel packs from an online pharmacy but that could be potentially dangerous. I have purchased and used anti-anxiety meds and generic Cialis from online pharmacies and that stuff hasn't harmed me as far as I know. But I've been reading reports that online pharmacies often carry bogus placebos or unsafe drugs, some of which can potentially kill you. I don't see why my endocrinologist can't just write me a prescription right now. Not to mention that my current vision problems are likely the result of this tumour based on the research I've done online. And these tumours are linked to anxiety, depression, irritability, mental instability, etc.


Do you know what an MRI costs in the USA?


----------



## puppy

Zeeshan said:


> Do you know what an MRI costs in the USA?


A couple grand with insurance. Beats waiting.


----------



## srschirm

Socialized medicine, coming to an America near you.

I'm sorry about your situation, Phoenix...


----------



## phoenixwright

I asked the MRI office to put me on the cancellation waiting list. My endo's secretary told me I can't get a prescription for trt before I do the MRI. So either I wait it out or buy some testosterone gel online from an online pharmacy. They sell a reputable Indian brand. The Indian brand has a website and a US presence. But you never know if the online pharma may be using fake packaging and just putting random **** in there?

I have heard that the dangers of online pharmacies are overstated. The FDA doesn't make any money if you buy from an online pharmacy. It's a big pharma conspiracy.


----------



## monotonous

i spoke to this cute indian girl today to borrow her note, i didn't even know how i got the courage to do it guess because she seems nice.. then at the end of the class she asked me a question, sadly i didn't know the answer...........


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> I asked the MRI office to put me on the cancellation waiting list. My endo's secretary told me I can't get a prescription for trt before I do the MRI. So either I wait it out or buy some testosterone gel online from an online pharmacy. They sell a reputable Indian brand. The Indian brand has a website and a US presence. But you never know if the online pharma may be using fake packaging and just putting random **** in there?
> 
> I have heard that the dangers of online pharmacies are overstated. The FDA doesn't make any money if you buy from an online pharmacy. It's a big pharma conspiracy.


Pharma companies don't make money if you buy from an online pharmacy, but online pharmacies make more money by selling you crap. I'm not saying you can't get lucky, and I'm not saying that the pharmaceutical industry isn't completely corrupt. But when it comes to your health, I would err on the side of federal regulations. You don't want to take chances with this kind of thing. The next few months will go by before you know it, just wait it out.


----------



## MachoMadness

"what stop me" because I have sad and no confidence


----------



## Zeeshan

im sick and thinking of dating a girl two town over :yes


----------



## bsd3355




----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from date with the first girl I met this week. Good conversation. I had a lot of bound up energy that was endless. I found myself moving around a lot just trying to shake off the energy, and I think it was built up beforehand (anxiety). But I wasn't afraid. I just had a lot of energy built up. But all in all, she didn't notice and I had a good time talking with her. Met up in the student center (the main cafeteria hall for the campus) and chatted for an hour before she had to go to class. It wasn't like the other date where there was no connection (the girl I took to smoke hookah last month)--it was a good ebb and flow of conversation and I was enjoying myself. It went well.

Tomorrow I have another date, same time, same place  This girl seems pretty interested as I told her it'd be a "coffee date" and she was asking me a lot of questions and put a lot of investment into it, so I think she's already interested.

I'm feeling more competent about the process now. The biggest hurdles for me was learning indifference and doing more volume. Mind you, these girls are people and I don't treat them any less than that. I only talk about the "process" because it is a goal of mine to feel competent about it, as it was something I was never able to feel competent about. I think I am almost there. The rest of what I do is going to transfer to RSD on those forums because this year I'm trying to take it as far as I can go. I think for the most part, all of what I wanted to share on this forum has been pretty much expressed. I don't doubt I'll continue talking about my experiences, but not all of it; some I will keep private from this forum.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Just came back from date with the first girl I met this week. Good conversation. I had a lot of bound up energy that was endless. I found myself moving around a lot just trying to shake off the energy, and I think it was built up beforehand (anxiety).  But I wasn't afraid. I just had a lot of energy built up. But all in all, she didn't notice and I had a good time talking with her. Met up in the student center (the main cafeteria hall for the campus) and chatted for an hour before she had to go to class. It wasn't like the other date where there was no connection (the girl I took to smoke hookah last month)--it was a good ebb and flow of conversation and I was enjoying myself. It went well.
> 
> Tomorrow I have another date, same time, same place  This girl seems pretty interested as I told her it'd be a "coffee date" and she was asking me a lot of questions and put a lot of investment into it, so I think she's already interested.
> 
> I'm feeling more competent about the process now. The biggest hurdles for me was learning indifference and doing more volume. Mind you, these girls are people and I don't treat them any less than that. I only talk about the "process" because it is a goal of mine to feel competent about it, as it was something I was never able to feel competent about. I think I am almost there. The rest of what I do is going to transfer to RSD on those forums because this year I'm trying to take it as far as I can go. I think for the most part, all of what I wanted to share on this forum has been pretty much expressed. I don't doubt I'll continue talking about my experiences, but not all of it; some I will keep private from this forum.


Same I don't get nervous with dates anymore I actually though I was a great date. If there is one thing I need to work on is touching learn to touch


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Same I don't get nervous with dates anymore I actually though I was a great date. If there is one thing I need to work on is touching learn to touch


Whatever thing you want to learn from, learn from it. Sometimes it's learning, but I'd say the other 80% of it is just comfortable with it and gaining confidence/competence. Like, technically, we all know how to meet girls, but some of us lack confidence or competence about it, which ironically is a large part of it--if we don't feel confident or competent then that can stem into not taking action, not feeling good, not learning about ourselves, etc. Confidence/competence in something goes beyond just words, as it validates deeper life lessons. You don't just get confident from knowing how to do something; you get confident by knowing how to do something, feeling comfortable with it, learning more about yourself, the situation, knowing the ins and outs, knowing what to do and when to do it, learning indifference, etc. Confidence and competence isn't just a word. If you want true confidence then it entails many things. So with that said, yes, "learn" from whatever it is you want to get confidence/competent from. If you reach a stage of confidence and competence, and you know that's how you honestly feel, then you've pretty much mastered everything those things entail and your success will open up and so will new possibilities; it may even become boring after a while, which will take you somewhere else in life.

haha, got to love the long ramblings...

it's better if we take it all as a "learning experience" until we feel comfortable with the process, because that's technically what it is, a learning experience.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Same I don't get nervous with dates anymore I actually though I was a great date. If there is one thing I need to work on is touching learn to touch


What do you mean exactly by saying you need to learn how to touch? What is your reason for it?


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> What do you mean exactly by saying you need to learn how to touch? What is your reason for it?


I'm assuming he's talking about "kino" and physical escalation.


----------



## bsd3355

^I know, i just want to see why he wants to do it. an example would be cool


----------



## DubnRun

remind me where do u find a girl when you a loner.. have no friends or acquaintances


----------



## bsd3355

DubnRun said:


> remind me where do u find a girl when you a loner.. have no friends or acquaintances


I'm a loner. I go to school and stay on the internet mostly, but I'm a confident loner. It's just who I am and who I like to be. I'm not this way without choice.

You don't need friends to meet girls. All you need is you. Where do you meet girls? Anywhere you can find them. You have to learn how to approach and interact with girls and take it from there. Think of places where you can meet women. You don't need anyone besides yourself to meet them. When you have an idea of where to meet them, approach them and talk to them and at the end of the conversation ask for their number or a date. Just do it. you can use online dating sites too. Just be prepared to get rejected a lot from dating, because if you don't expect that then you are going to be devastated for a while. Rejection is part of it but the girl you like who rejected you, there is another one who you like who will like you back. Trust it will happen and it will. Don't get bogged down during the process. Ask question and get insights along your journey. Be self-motivated and be willing to take it as a long, long learning experience; be consistent. Don't expect instant results.


----------



## Rossy

She told me yesterday that she fancys me aka a crush so thats a good thing


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> She told me yesterday that she fancys me aka a crush so thats a good thing


Sounds like you win.

Just came back from date with the other girl I met during this week. Good conversation. Good company. Talked for an hour. Parted ways. Will see if she's down for a movie date next week.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Sounds like you win.
> 
> Just came back from date with the other girl I met during this week. Good conversation. Good company. Talked for an hour. Parted ways. Will see if she's down for a movie date next week.


I think I believe u when u said less is more......maybe I should end dates early


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think I believe u when u said less is more......maybe I should end dates early


I don't think you should end dates early as a technique to have better dates. I think you should do it when you feel like it. If the date is going well then why end the date_ if_ you don't want to? It is no big deal if the girl ends the date either. There is no time limit for dates unless one of you has prior engagements.

It also depends on what you do for the date. Like, personally, for me, if I had a coffee date I usually don't intend it to be more than an hour or else it starts to get a little dragged out in my mind (but it doesn't technically matter), and coffee dates are usually first dates because I want to meet somewhere public and somewhere we can have good conversation (first dates can be anywhere though). But if I was to go to an amusement park or something then obviously that would be a much longer date. Dates have no time limit and time shouldn't be seen as a technique to have better dates overall. It all depends on how you feel and how well the date is going.


----------



## monotonous

i just replied all the msgs from okcupid..


----------



## Brandeezy

I don't have the motivation to do anything anymore. I've tried everything to get a girl in the past couple years but I've gotten nowhere and i've ran out of patience. I'm tired of playing this game and It's time for me to quit. Maybe one day I'll get lucky, someone will approach me and we'll instantly click but for now **** it, I'm not giving anymore effort to find someone.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I don't have the motivation to do anything anymore. I've tried everything to get a girl in the past couple years but I've gotten nowhere and i've ran out of patience. I'm tired of playing this game and It's time for me to quit. Maybe one day I'll get lucky, someone will approach me and we'll instantly click but for now **** it, I'm not giving anymore effort to find someone.


Lol so what ur just gonna be alone forever


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Lol so what ur just gonna be alone forever


Yup, that's the plan. You guys keep up the good work though and i hope everyone reaches their goal.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Yup, that's the plan. You guys keep up the good work though and i hope everyone reaches their goal.


I know how you feel take a break and attack again


----------



## phoenixwright

This loser douchebag at my support group who made his first appearance at group in a long, long time (since like spring 2012 I think) was all over this cute new girl at our support group. I didn't exactly read her body language but he was saying some outrageously stupid **** (like telling her that she doesn't have to improve her ability to talk in front of others because women don't need to be like that. Men need to be confident, not women. A woman just has to follow her man.) I wanted to slap that boy silly. I think me and her looked at each other a couple times and smiled/laughed while he was making outrageous comments. Here's this nerdy Asian guy who read up on a bunch of PUA material (he even attended a PUA meetup in Toronto. I don't know if he still does) and has lots of sexist, outdated views about women. I even uncontrollably caught myself cracking up a bit over the cheesy PUA-esque and creeper lines he used. I tried to hold back the laughter. He even tried a kino technique that was probably stripped straight off PUA material.

He was also very eager to ask her to hang out with him. I think he asked her if she was busy on Thursday, she said no. He asked her if she wanted to hang out on Thursday. I couldn't listen clearly since she speaks softly and my right ear was blocked up but I thought she said "yes". But then he kept asking her stuff about when she had classes on Thursday and when her classes ended. And I think she mentioned something about volunteering on Thursday. He also asked her if she wanted to hang at the Eaton's Centre. She said that it would take an hour by transit to get there. He said that it would take him 40 mins, it's only 20 mins more for her. Then he kept repeatedly asking her where she liked to shop (I remember him asking multiple times). She mentioned two malls, one of which was close to her mother's (and hence where I lived). I didn't look at her body language much. But honestly I doubt she likes this creep even in a friendly way and she just doesn't know how to be assertive when rejecting a guy (and he takes advantage of that). At one point he just simply handed her his phone with the add new contact thing opened up and she gave him her number. Once again, it seems to be a case where she doesn't know how to assert herself.

A male friend of mine (also goes to the same group) thinks that I should have stepped in if this guy was making her uncomfortable (I guarantee he was). At the same time though, I was afraid that stepping in would have made me seem like a jealous cockblocker. The last thing a girl wants is a guy who is jealous and insecure. And to be quite frank with you, I have no reason to be jealous of that punk. He's a douchebag, a sexist and I'm better looking than him (that's exactly why he's so aggressive. He feels threatened by the fact that I'm better looking than him and he knows deep down that she is out of his league). My friend says that the girl probably won't show up to group anymore because the Asian guy was laying it on too hard. At the end of the evening, she said that she'll see me tomorrow (she and I had coincidentally RSVP'd for another meetup with another group). She also recently joined my Mississauga branch meetup group, which I am the organizer for, because her mom lives there and she has split custody with her parents. So yeah even if she leaves this support group, our paths may cross again anyway.

I feel upset about this situation because yeah a part of me thinks that maybe she wanted me to be the man and step in when he'd make her uncomfortable. But I didn't want to risk coming off like the jealous, cock blocker guy.

At the same time, it didn't seem like the girl was all that interested in me either (even if she wasn't, I felt like I was obligated to step in. No woman deserves to be made to feel uncomfortable like that. Especially not in a social anxiety support group. She wouldn't be the first girl who was scared off by over-eager guys in the group chasing *****). Like when I showed the people at the table a karaoke video of mine (was related to the whole alcohol acting as a social lubricant topic) it seemed like she wasn't terribly enthused (pretty much every previous girl I showed that video to was laughing big time) and she actually looked away at the 2 minute mark. Though there was a moment where that ****ing guy interrupted me when she asked me a question (lol) and then like 15 minutes down the road she asked me the same question. So it seemed like she at least wanted to hear more about what I had to say. And she did mention the see you tomorrow thing. She's probably above my league in terms of looks too (she is definitely above his. I know I'm a handsome guy. But it can be difficult for me to really gauge where I rank in the totem pole relative to a cute girl. Plus I had put on like 5+ pounds lately and feel self-conscious about that. It's weight that can be lost. But it sucks when you look in the mirror and think you're less attractive than you used to be). Or I might not be her type. It is what it is. Could even have a boyfriend. I also have a really bad flu and was coughing and sneezing/runny nosing and my ear was blocked up (had to ask him and her to repeat themselves multiple times). Not very sexy. lol. Got bit by the flu bug hard I'm afraid.


----------



## rymo




----------



## pineapplebun

rymo said:


> o_o


+1 lol.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


>


Lol if I hadn't met him I'd think he was making it up. But nope...................


----------



## AceEmoKid

Absolutely nothing.

Just busy fawning over one after another, hoping that they will say something first, but of course they never do. I'm a coward when it comes to this kind of thing.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Lol if I hadn't met him I'd think he was making it up. But nope...................


What is that supposed to mean?



rymo said:


>


This is a support forum and you make fun of people. I don't appreciate that from you, pineapplebun or Zeeshan. That isn't appropriate. If you have a problem with what I posted, you tell me what is the problem (ie. like maybe you might think that I overthink **** to the extreme) instead of posting some cute little snarky BS.


----------



## komorikun

So all the guys at these social anxiety support groups are looking for women to hit on at the meetings?


----------



## Dissonance

komorikun said:


> So all the guys at these social anxiety support groups are looking for women to hit on at the meetings?


If there was a hot guy there would you really be saying that? I think if someone just happens to find someone attractive regardless of gender, it's okay relationships can start from anywhere.

Get off your Misandry High Horse.


----------



## komorikun

Dissonance said:


> If there was a hot guy there would you really be saying that? I think if someone just happens to find someone attractive regardless of gender, it's okay relationships can start from anywhere.
> 
> Get off your Misandry High Horse.


But all this talk of cock-blocking and using PUA at a mental health support meetup. Like woh. :um

Why are you being so super sensitive? Misandry? Seriously?


----------



## pineapplebun

phoenixwright said:


> What is that supposed to mean?
> 
> This is a support forum and you make fun of people. I don't appreciate that from you, pineapplebun or Zeeshan. That isn't appropriate. If you have a problem with what I posted, you tell me what is the problem (ie. like maybe you might think that I overthink **** to the extreme) instead of posting some cute little snarky BS.


Well I already replied to your private post, but again, I will state it here. I was just laughing at rymo's expression, not making any snarky comment or any reference to you. The way I interpreted it was, "WTF is going on" type of look. I've told you personally before that your posts are rather verbose, and so I don't read them. And it's also not my style to make side remarks. If I have an issue that I care enough about, I'll let you know. I understand this is a support forum, and therefore I try to provide support, to the best of my abilities.

Honestly, I'm tired of people jumping to conclusions and taking things way too personally without confirming/asking for clarification on this forum.


----------



## rdrr

Dissonance said:


> If there was a hot guy there would you really be saying that? I think if someone just happens to find someone attractive regardless of gender, it's okay relationships can start from anywhere.
> 
> Get off your Misandry High Horse.


I don't think she meant it like that, and yes people can meet anywhere. It's the going to a "social anxiety" "support" meeting purely to seek "support" for potential romantic relationships, not "social anxiety".


----------



## Dissonance

rdrr said:


> I don't think she meant it like that, and yes people can meet anywhere. It's the going to a "social anxiety" "support" meeting purely to seek "support" for potential romantic relationships, not "social anxiety".


How do you find that surprising at all? Has everyone been posting blind on this forum?


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> So all the guys at these social anxiety support groups are looking for women to hit on at the meetings?


Not all. But multiple guys do. And when a new girl joins and you have a guy trying to get with her or worse, you have multiple guys vying for her, it can be overwhelming. I was being very reasonable. I didn't even bother getting her number because the poor girl was probably already traumatized by the Asian PUA dude coming on so strong with her.

Btw the girl didn't show up at all to the meetup today with the other meetup group we are apart of. I hope it's not because of me in anyway. When a guy goes creepy on you, any sort of interest from other guys in the group can also easily be lumped into as creepy as well. I'm afraid that she will never show up to any of the SA/introvert-related meetup groups anymore after that asian guy came on strong with her.

She legitimately needs the support group and the social clubs affiliated with the support group (even if she wasn't interested in me in that way, I still want her to get the help she needs). But then these horny, sex-less SA guys just ruin everything and scare the girls away from these groups. All the women who left NEED these support groups. They shouldn't deprive themselves of this support to avoid these sex-less horny SA guys. As a result, the support group and the sister social groups are mainly sausage fests.


----------



## Dissonance

komorikun said:


> But all this talk of cock-blocking and using PUA at a mental health support meetup. Like woh. :um
> 
> Why are you being so super sensitive? Misandry? Seriously?


Then maybe we need to separate by genders then so we won't have a problem, there should be male and female only meetings then, maybe then you would feel more comfortable. There are some things you can't speak in front of another gender anyways.


----------



## pineapplebun

Dissonance said:


> Then maybe we need to separate by genders then so we won't have a problem, there should be male and female only meetings then, maybe then you would feel more comfortable. There are some things you can't speak in front of another gender anyways.


Well no, that would defeat the point in helping those who have trouble speaking to the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong with girls and guys communicating, but if a girl finally works up the courage to go to these meetings, in hopes to find friends, the last thing she probably wants is to be pressured by guys who want something more intimate. Although it's a possible place to develop a relationship, it's not the most appropriate environment to pick someone up, especially if it's their first time going. Get to know them first, let them get comfortable with the group. The main objective is socializing, not dating. This isn't a bar where people expect to be picked up.


----------



## phoenixwright

pineapplebun said:


> Well no, that would defeat the point in helping those who have trouble speaking to the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong with girls and guys communicating, but if a girl finally works up the courage to go to these meetings, in hopes to find friends, the last thing she probably wants is to be pressured by guys who want something more intimate. Although it's a possible place to develop a relationship, it's not the most appropriate environment to pick someone up, especially if it's their first time going. Get to know them first, let them get comfortable with the group. The main objective is socializing, not dating. This isn't a bar where people expect to be picked up.


There have been at least a few pairings that formed from these groups here. But yeah these pairings have formed gradually over time. SA girls _generally_ take things slow (_generally_. I feel like I need to write a disclaimer every time I made a statement about women. lol As if it's wrong to recognize that there are _general_ differences between the sexes)


----------



## pineapplebun

phoenixwright said:


> There have been at least a few pairings that formed from these groups here. But yeah these pairings have formed gradually over time. SA girls generally take things slow.


Well taking things slow isn't only specific to SA girls, but what do you expect? They're frightened of socializing, that in itself will take time to develop. You can't have a decent relationship if you can't even communicate to your partner. But either way, it does put pressure on girls in the group who definitely are not interested in any sort of relations whatsoever, in terms of being judged on looks (cause who judges their friends looks ), chased or unwanted attention.


----------



## Dissonance

pineapplebun said:


> Well no, that would defeat the point in helping those who have trouble speaking to the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong with girls and guys communicating, but if a girl finally works up the courage to go to these meetings, in hopes to find friends, the last thing she probably wants is to be pressured by guys who want something more intimate. Although it's a possible place to develop a relationship, it's not the most appropriate environment to pick someone up, especially if it's their first time going. Get to know them first, let them get comfortable with the group. The main objective is socializing, not dating. This isn't a bar where people expect to be picked up.


These are problems all genders face on both sides of the fence, if it's many girls they will pick on the male if it's many males they will pick on the female, this just happens it's a problem that would happen whether or not this was solely social anxiety. I am aware of that, but then WE ALL HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS.


----------



## vinylman

considering the fact that i can't talk to anyone other then my parents and sister, having no one else in my life and are a complete shut in i don't think i'll ever be able to talk to a girl. but i accept it.


----------



## Zeeshan

pineapplebun said:


> Well no, that would defeat the point in helping those who have trouble speaking to the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong with girls and guys communicating, but if a girl finally works up the courage to go to these meetings, in hopes to find friends, the last thing she probably wants is to be pressured by guys who want something more intimate. Although it's a possible place to develop a relationship, it's not the most appropriate environment to pick someone up, especially if it's their first time going. Get to know them first, let them get comfortable with the group. The main objective is socializing, not dating. This isn't a bar where people expect to be picked up.


I agree that's why I wouldn't approach a girl in that situation same thing with work.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> What is that supposed to mean?
> 
> This is a support forum and you make fun of people. I don't appreciate that from you, pineapplebun or Zeeshan. That isn't appropriate. If you have a problem with what I posted, you tell me what is the problem (ie. like maybe you might think that I overthink **** to the extreme) instead of posting some cute little snarky BS.


I think all comments are related to your analysis of the situation to the tenth degree.

Sorry if i hurt u


----------



## bsd3355

*Dating check off list*

_More randomness..._

What things can you check off this list that helps you meet girls (guys if you are a girl):

1. Positive and optimistic about future outcomes
2. Accepting and OK with rejection
3. Confident or at least knowledgeable about conversation skills, moving things forward (conversation, asking for numbers/dates, etc.)
4. Consistent
5. Going out, or staying in (online), meeting lots of girls (guys if girl)
6. Playing the number's game
7. Resilient to setbacks
8. Do not beat yourself up
9. Willing to see ""failures" as learning experiences and "successes" as the same; both are equally important
10. Willing to fail over and over and over again until goal is reached with little effectiveness of how you let it reflect your "worth"
11. Facing your fears and willing to step up when the time is needed
12. Like/appreciate/love yourself to a higher than moderate degree (usually)
13. Willing to try new things even if you think it doesn't fit you to experiement

This isn't a refined list or anything; some topics may be overlapped. Just some things ot think about. I think if you have a positive attitude/outlook, are consistent and don't let setbacks detour you, then you are in good shape for the most part. Of course, this is just a personal list and some people may feel differently about things. Just wanted to share for the hell of it. There may be something I left out; I wrote it quick.


----------



## pete24

Progress... after my drunken failure of approaches I turned back to online dating...

Spoke to this girl a while ago on POF... she is super hot but at the time I couldnt be bothered.

Was on there yesterday, saw I didnt reply to her last message, replied and we got talking for past 10 hours. Looking at her pics shes probably the hottest girl I have ever seen, we have loads in common and shes really keen. She asked for my number, said she wants to meet soon, progress 

Its gone up a step, shes asking how much train is to get to my town, liking loads of my fb pics,


----------



## Sourdog

What does it mean on POF when it says, "(insert name) wants to meet you"? Did she send that herself or is it POF trying to match us up since we have similiar interests?


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> What does it mean on POF when it says, "(insert name) wants to meet you"? Did she send that herself or is it POF trying to match us up since we have similiar interests?


It means she clicked yes she wants to meet you


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> It means she clicked yes she wants to meet you


Okay, I was just wondering because I don't know her and i never messaged her before and all of sudden she sends me a request for a meetup.


----------



## pete24

"meet me" is bullcrap imo... Its basically where you browse pics of people... and click yes or no. 

I have quite a few people who clicked "meet me" but when I messaged them they didnt reply


----------



## StevenGlansberg

http://www.thedatingspecialist.com/dating-101/

Somewhat helpful.


----------



## Zeeshan

StevenGlansberg said:


> http://www.thedatingspecialist.com/dating-101/
> 
> Somewhat helpful.


Yay another guide for normal people


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Meaning...?


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> I agree that's why I wouldn't approach a girl in that situation same thing with work.


I wouldn't rule out dating a girl from group. But it's important to take it slow. All relationships that have developed from that group developed gradually. When you have a SA guy using PUA techniques on a SA girl's first day, no just no. The poor girl was probably scared away from these groups for good. She RSVPd for an event the next day at a sister group and told me see you tomorrow and she no/showed. Most likely because that Asian PUA guy came on too strong and scared her off.


----------



## Brandeezy

pete24 said:


> Progress... after my drunken failure of approaches I turned back to online dating...
> 
> Spoke to this girl a while ago on POF... she is super hot but at the time I couldnt be bothered.
> 
> Was on there yesterday, saw I didnt reply to her last message, replied and we got talking for past 10 hours. Looking at her pics shes probably the hottest girl I have ever seen, we have loads in common and shes really keen. She asked for my number, said she wants to meet soon, progress
> 
> Its gone up a step, shes asking how much train is to get to my town, liking loads of my fb pics,


How is this possible


----------



## stoolie

Brandeezy said:


> How is this possible


My guess:

1) Be attractive
2) Don't be unattractive


----------



## phoenixwright

pete24 is apparently a hot guy with SA (from what I've heard. I haven't seen any pics. And based on his successes with online dating, I have no reason to doubt that he's good looking). Plus girls in the UK are... ahem... "easier". lol.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> pete24 is apparently a hot guy with SA (from what I've heard. I haven't seen any pics. And based on his successes with online dating, I have no reason to doubt that he's good looking). Plus girls in the UK are... ahem... "easier". lol.


Are they really ?


----------



## Zeeshan

Is it fundamentally possible for a girl taller than you to find you attractive? 

There is a hottie in my class but taller don't know if she would even be up for it


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Is it fundamentally possible for a girl taller than you to find you attractive?
> 
> There is a hottie in my class but taller don't know if she would even be up for it


Lol I can't stop checking her put


----------



## Zeeshan

So i am going to go on a bit of rant here, but i dont think anyone is going to read it anyways, probably me one day in the distant future.

Today was a shining example, of everything that has me in the position that it has. I mean you know sometimes, people complain about what they have and what they dont have, and they sound so ungrateful. Thats probably how i sound right now. 

The girl i mentioned above, practically ran behind this other guy, who was 6 foot tall, chiseled Jaw, practically a guy's version of a babe. You know when its highlighted like that, its feels so real, like many times you can dilude yourself into thinking a certain way. However now i know that one must simply accept reality.

I mean here i am, havent been laid in a couple of months, putting up all this effort to meet women, to date somebody, making all these concessions, trying to better myself. Here is this guy, and lol, he doesn't even have to try. He doesnt even have to try. I was looking at her, like a hungry dog, and lol here is this guy

But you know what is really sad. I dont think there is any problem that a few inches of height wouldn't have fixed in my life. I am about 5'7, i know that if i was 5'11 id be banging her right now. Heck forget her, i would have already been married to the girl of my dreams. Yet here we are. 

It kind of makes you feel guilty, because people have even less. At the same time I just cant get over the feeling of being inadequate. Of somehow not measuring up. I mean i know height isnt the only thing, i get it. However its just so blatantly obvious. 

I guess i have to accept that my options are limited, even some chic sent me a message on POF saying how handsome i was. I wasnt interested in her so i didnt reply, i guess i wanted to feel like what hot women feel like when they ignore messages. Even that one bit of compliment cant bring me up today because i mean the this is the truth that i have always ignored, and now i am facing it. 

I mean i know that eventually i am going to meet someone great, but i can do without this. I really can. Being short sucks, its worse then being fat, being poor, being ugly, women are attracted to several things i know, but not having the height factor, seriously puts you behind the eight ball.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> So i am going to go on a bit of rant here, but i dont think anyone is going to read it anyways, probably me one day in the distant future.
> 
> Today was a shining example, of everything that has me in the position that it has. I mean you know sometimes, people complain about what they have and what they dont have, and they sound so ungrateful. Thats probably how i sound right now.
> 
> The girl i mentioned above, practically ran behind this other guy, who was 6 foot tall, chiseled Jaw, practically a guy's version of a babe. You know when its highlighted like that, its feels so real, like many times you can dilude yourself into thinking a certain way. However now i know that one must simply accept reality.
> 
> I mean here i am, havent been laid in a couple of months, putting up all this effort to meet women, to date somebody, making all these concessions, trying to better myself. Here is this guy, and lol, he doesn't even have to try. He doesnt even have to try. I was looking at her, like a hungry dog, and lol here is this guy
> 
> But you know what is really sad. I dont think there is any problem that a few inches of height wouldn't have fixed in my life. I am about 5'7, i know that if i was 5'11 id be banging her right now. Heck forget her, i would have already been married to the girl of my dreams. Yet here we are.
> 
> It kind of makes you feel guilty, because people have even less. At the same time I just cant get over the feeling of being inadequate. Of somehow not measuring up. I mean i know height isnt the only thing, i get it. However its just so blatantly obvious.
> 
> I guess i have to accept that my options are limited, even some chic sent me a message on POF saying how handsome i was. I wasnt interested in her so i didnt reply, i guess i wanted to feel like what hot women feel like when they ignore messages. Even that one bit of compliment cant bring me up today because i mean the this is the truth that i have always ignored, and now i am facing it.
> 
> I mean i know that eventually i am going to meet someone great, but i can do without this. I really can. Being short sucks, its worse then being fat, being poor, being ugly, women are attracted to several things i know, but not having the height factor, seriously puts you behind the eight ball.


The girl was taller than you. So she was probably like what? 5'8"? Maybe taller? And he's 6'0" right? On average, men are typically 5-6 inches taller than women. A hot 5'8" girl blonde cheerleader type trying to get with a hot 6'0" jock type guy. Doesn't seem all that unusual to me.

Unfortunately PUA marketing material wants to tell us guys that looks don't matter. It's all about confidence.

I have no fundamental problem with people dating within their physical attractiveness range. I would love to have a cute, short, petite girlfriend. That is my type. I don't want a statuesque tall blonde cheerleader anyway.

I strongly disagree with the assertion however that being short puts you behind fat, poor and ugly guys. If being short was such a problem for me, girls would stop seeing me after the first date. Or it wouldn't even get to a date since they can see my height on my profile. Women want a _connection_.

I'm going to put things in perspective: OKCupid did a study on the number of sexual partners people have by the name they hit 30 and they broke the numbers down by smartphone OS user (This was an old study back from 2010 before Android was even popular). Female iPhone users on OKCupid averaged 12.3 lifetime sexual partners by the time they hit 30, female Blackberry users 8.8 and female Android users 6.1 (for comparison sake male iPhone users averaged 10, male Blackberry 8, male Android 6). Android wasn't popular back then so let's just look at iPhone and Blackberry for now. Let's say the average woman has 8.8-12.3 sexual partners by the time they are 30. Since the average girl loses her virginity before 18 (let's say 16), that's an average of what 1 guy every 1-1.5 years a girl has been sexually active! That's not a lot of guys.

Every year to year and a half, a girl has sex with one new guy. Think about that for a second guys. When you're going to on average only have sex with a new guy every year to year and a half, you're not just going to give it up to any cute guy that asks you out. For the majority of women, they are going to need to feel a strong connection with a guy before they sleep with them. And that has been my weakest link, not my height. I find it difficult to form connections with women. How can I expect to be that one guy out of a girl's year or year and a half if we can't form a connection with each other? It's not enough to be cute.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So i am going to go on a bit of rant here, but i dont think anyone is going to read it anyways, probably me one day in the distant future.
> 
> Today was a shining example, of everything that has me in the position that it has. I mean you know sometimes, people complain about what they have and what they dont have, and they sound so ungrateful. Thats probably how i sound right now.
> 
> The girl i mentioned above, practically ran behind this other guy, who was 6 foot tall, chiseled Jaw, practically a guy's version of a babe. You know when its highlighted like that, its feels so real, like many times you can dilude yourself into thinking a certain way. However now i know that one must simply accept reality.
> 
> I mean here i am, havent been laid in a couple of months, putting up all this effort to meet women, to date somebody, making all these concessions, trying to better myself. Here is this guy, and lol, he doesn't even have to try. He doesnt even have to try. I was looking at her, like a hungry dog, and lol here is this guy
> 
> But you know what is really sad. I dont think there is any problem that a few inches of height wouldn't have fixed in my life. I am about 5'7, i know that if i was 5'11 id be banging her right now. Heck forget her, i would have already been married to the girl of my dreams. Yet here we are.
> 
> It kind of makes you feel guilty, because people have even less. At the same time I just cant get over the feeling of being inadequate. Of somehow not measuring up. I mean i know height isnt the only thing, i get it. However its just so blatantly obvious.
> 
> I guess i have to accept that my options are limited, even some chic sent me a message on POF saying how handsome i was. I wasnt interested in her so i didnt reply, i guess i wanted to feel like what hot women feel like when they ignore messages. Even that one bit of compliment cant bring me up today because i mean the this is the truth that i have always ignored, and now i am facing it.
> 
> I mean i know that eventually i am going to meet someone great, but i can do without this. I really can. Being short sucks, its worse then being fat, being poor, being ugly, women are attracted to several things i know, but not having the height factor, seriously puts you behind the eight ball.


If you are "good looking" then you will have more options and have an easier time dating girls, yes. I think when you hear people say "looks don't matter", a more honest version of that would be, "Looks matter, but if you keep at it eventually it'll pay off regardless". Being short isn't the best, but I don't think it will stop you from having success if you play a large number's game. Besides, you've dated girls you liked in the past recently, so what makes you think it can't happen again?

Idk, the best thing I can say to this is that it feels better to try than not try at all--for me, at least. I'd rather get rejected 90% and date here and there than give up when I know results can come if I am consistent.

You may start dating and find that girl who you didn't see as a long-term thing for w/e reason and then you fall in love with her. I wish there was a way we could be detached from rejection. There is, but it comes with certain mind sets, and I hate to harp on it, but mind sets that have helped me is: abundance mindset, attraction subjectivity for people..these would be good things to keep in mind regarding this area. Other than that, you will get rejected a **** ton and lots of girls won't find you attractive; there will be guys who get it easy because they look "hot", so it's beneficial to somehow detach from rejection and just see it as part of the process. Eventually, I think you'll meet someone you really like, and if you want to go extreme (like me) then adopt it as a lifestyle for a while and keep going at it dating lots of girls and facing the HUGE rejection ratio that will inevitably happen.

Yes, looks matter.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> The girl was taller than you. So she was probably like what? 5'8"? Maybe taller? And he's 6'0" right? On average, men are typically 5-6 inches taller than women. A hot 5'8" girl blonde cheerleader type trying to get with a hot 6'0" jock type guy. Doesn't seem all that unusual to me.
> 
> Unfortunately PUA marketing material wants to tell us guys that looks don't matter. It's all about confidence.
> 
> I have no fundamental problem with people dating within their physical attractiveness range. I would love to have a cute, short, petite girlfriend. That is my type. I don't want a statuesque tall blonde cheerleader anyway.
> 
> I strongly disagree with the assertion however that being short puts you behind fat, poor and ugly guys. If being short was such a problem for me, girls would stop seeing me after the first date. Or it wouldn't even get to a date since they can see my height on my profile. Women want a _connection_.
> 
> I'm going to put things in perspective: OKCupid did a study on the number of sexual partners people have by the name they hit 30 and they broke the numbers down by smartphone OS user (This was an old study back from 2010 before Android was even popular). Female iPhone users on OKCupid averaged 12.3 lifetime sexual partners by the time they hit 30, female Blackberry users 8.8 and female Android users 6.1 (for comparison sake male iPhone users averaged 10, male Blackberry 8, male Android 6). Android wasn't popular back then so let's just look at iPhone and Blackberry for now. Let's say the average woman has 8.8-12.3 sexual partners by the time they are 30. Since the average girl loses her virginity before 18 (let's say 16), that's an average of what 1 guy every 1-1.5 years a girl has been sexually active! That's not a lot of guys.
> 
> Every year to year and a half, a girl has sex with one new guy. Think about that for a second guys. When you're going to on average only have sex with a new guy every year to year and a half, you're not just going to give it up to any cute guy that asks you out. For the majority of women, they are going to need to feel a strong connection with a guy before they sleep with them. And that has been my weakest link, not my height. I find it difficult to form connections with women. How can I expect to be that one guy out of a girl's year or year and a half if we can't form a connection with each other? It's not enough to be cute.


Of those stats you speak of, most of those girls were probably in a relationship most of the time before they were 30. If they were single and dating until 30, those numbers would likely double, at least. If those stats are correct, which may not be true considering how many girls are afraid to give the REAL number of sexual partners, and if most those girls were in relationships until they were 30, then that would mean they bang 1.5 new guys every year WHILE mostly being in relationships. That is still a low number in my mind, and I personally think if a girl is "hot" then her number of guys she's slept with will be higher than 12 by the time she's 30 but that's a personal opinion--some girls this won't count for reasons varying from stigmas, religious factors, personal beliefs, etc., but I would assume for the majority of girls, it would be higher. Most girls want to be married in their 30s so they probably would date a lot before then, which means more sex. I have a hard time believing in sexual stats because there isn't any real evidence to suggest if it's true or not; just a statement given by an amount of people (you can't count how many partners each person had as a 3rd person observer so you don't know if they are telling the truth). Some of these girls could of been in relationships for 5+ more years as well, so 12 guys by the time they are 30 could mean they slept with 6 guys in one year, etc.


----------



## Barette

^
Serious ****ing logic right there. +10


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Of those stats you speak of, most of those girls were probably in a relationship most of the time before they were 30. If they were single and dating until 30, those numbers would likely double, at least. If those stats are correct, which may not be true considering how many girls are afraid to give the REAL number of sexual partners, and if most those girls were in relationships until they were 30, then that would mean they bang 1.5 new guys every year WHILE mostly being in relationships. That is still a low number in my mind, and I personally think if a girl is "hot" then her number of guys she's slept with will be higher than 12 by the time she's 30 but that's a personal opinion--some girls this won't count for reasons varying from stigmas, religious factors, personal beliefs, etc., but I would assume for the majority of girls, it would be higher. Most girls want to be married in their 30s so they probably would date a lot before then, which means more sex. I have a hard time believing in sexual stats because there isn't any real evidence to suggest if it's true or not; just a statement given by an amount of people (you can't count how many partners each person had as a 3rd person observer so you don't know if they are telling the truth). Some of these girls could of been in relationships for 5+ more years as well, so 12 guys by the time they are 30 could mean they slept with 6 guys in one year, etc.


I don't even see how any of this would be relevant to the problem at hand


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> I don't even see how any of this would be relevant to the problem at hand


You're not getting rejected for being short. You have to look at it from the perspective that women don't SELECT many men to begin with (like I said, averaging 8.8-12.3 sexual partners by 30. Even if women may lie to a degree, I don't think that's going to change the numbers drastically. That's an *average* of 1 man every 1-1.5 years). That by no means you have to be select alpha male hunk. But she needs to feel a special spark with you. It's not about you not being good enough. It's about you not being the right fit for them. With social anxiety, it's harder for us to find that connection with someone.


----------



## Zeeshan

eek time to lay low tomorrow, my second straight alone


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I don't even see how any of this would be relevant to the problem at hand


What problem? Your problem? I was talking to phoenixwright. If you paid attention, I already addressed your "problem".

If you are a negative sap then your chances will drop dramatically. This should better address your problem


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> What problem? Your problem? I was talking to phoenixwright. If you paid attention, I already addressed your "problem".
> 
> If you are a negative sap then your chances will drop dramatically. This should better address your problem


His post was a response to my issue

The information is just irrelevant anyways so who cares


----------



## bsd3355

^It's cool man. Feeling inadequate or not appealing is not pleasant feeling. I feel it sometimes too. I have certain dislikes about myself. I've had girls reject me to my face and then date a "cuter" guy. Maybe we can be better off learning to accept who we are? Maybe there is a positive lesson to be learned from such pain? That sounds corny, but seriously. I think we can. I also think we can accept who we are and still date. I don't think it is that bleak for most of us. Just some thoughts anyway.

I got rejected a **** ton recently, but I also have dates set up for next week as well as this saturday, and I just came back from a date with girl from last week. I'm not saying this to brag, but it shows rejection is a big part of it.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Teasing -----> Touching -----> Close

That's really it, isn't it? I feel like I'm having an epiphany here...


----------



## 9mm

Actually i joined a dating site a few days ago, but then got tired of girls ignoring me even online.


----------



## Marooned86

I've lost 90lbs since November 2011,, so now i'm down to 153lbs. I notice people being nicer to me, but no don't notice and interest from women in particular.


----------



## larmo8

Basically, I'm going to try to ask a girl to casual lunch directly after class. Unfortunately, although we sit next each other, there has been limited chances to talk during or after class, though from the brief interactions we've had I think she might dig me and i already know we have stuff in common. Regardless though, the plan is to make a move next time I see her.


----------



## Brandeezy

Got messaged by the hottest girl i've ever received a message from. Bad thing is that she lives about 2 or more hrs away from me and I don't think she read my profile because she says that she wears heels a lot so she's looking for a guy around 5'9" or 5'10". I'll bet she doesn't even respond to my reply...


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Got messaged by the hottest girl i've ever received a message from. Bad thing is that she lives about 2 or more hrs away from me and I don't think she read my profile because she says that she wears heels a lot so she's looking for a guy around 5'9" or 5'10". I'll bet she doesn't even respond to my reply...


jeesh man, you have some of the deepest self esteem issues i have seen here.

A guy dont walk on the lot, unless he wants to buy!! here is this hottie messaging you, go for it. Whats the worst thing that can happen, a 2 hour car ride, and she doesnt find you as attractive as she thought.

Even if there is a 90 % chance of that happening ITS WORTH IT!


----------



## Zeeshan

asked two girls out for coffee today, hopefully one of them is interested.

I also feel proud for ignoring a couple of girls who messaged me online, felt good!

Otherwise i am really working hard to improve my mood in general, and work up the motivation to start going out again despite the winter. Its getting worse here, but spring is right around the corner, and i want to be in good shape!!

Really getting excited about spring time,


----------



## Rossy

Well this girl am very friendly with is coming back from holiday this next week so it will be intresting to see what happens next,she's been saying she needs a cuddle from me and she's missed me apparently.


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> jeesh man, you have some of the deepest self esteem issues i have seen here.
> 
> A guy dont walk on the lot, unless he wants to buy!! here is this hottie messaging you, go for it. Whats the worst thing that can happen, a 2 hour car ride, and she doesnt find you as attractive as she thought.
> 
> Even if there is a 90 % chance of that happening ITS WORTH IT!


She didn't reply back so it doesn't matter


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from first date with girl. It was kind of an awkward date because I was nervous. I was nervous because I felt like I was auditioning in front of everyone in the cafe. She picked a table in the middle of the place and NO ONE was talking besides us. It made me feel uncomfortable. She was a cool girl too; one that I'd get along with. I feel like it could of been a better date because I didn't feel comfortable and it could of been better. I haven't felt this way on a date in a while actually. I hope it didn't mess **** up, but who knows. If she likes me she'll see me again.

I also found myself saying stupid ****ing ****. Like she asked me where I worked and I felt like like a bum for saying a pizza shop (even though I go to school full time), and then she asked me if I live by myself and I freaking LIED about having my own apartment when I really live with my dad while I go to school. God, I feel like a chump. Lol. I didn't really care she knew but I didn't like the fact that everyone was listening to us. It's dumb though--it's a trivial thing, really. She's 21. It's not a big deal, so I just feel dumb for lying out of self-consciousness. Totally lame.

It is what it is though. Such is life sometimes. I declare myself as a boss though so this **** is minor for the most part 

Other girl likes me. I kissed her on date 2 (movie at my place). She texted me today saying she was GOING TO BIBLE STUDY and ask if I WANTED TO GO. I was like, "I'm an atheist". She's cool though; she respects that. But when I got that text I was like "God dammit". It makes me wonder if she's the type who only kisses guys she dates and that's it. Will find out.

The other girl I had coffee with last week is fading out. It seems like she will transfer into "flake land" here shortly. That's how it goes sometimes.

The OTHER girl said she'd be down for a movie at my place next wednesday. Will see what happens.

And before you ask me why the hell I'm dating so many girls is because I want to. The other reason is because (A) girls flake even after dates (b) one of the girls i'm not that into so I don't know why I'm dating her (c) that means only one girl i know is into me (bible study girl), which means i'm basically officially dating one girl atm.....so regardless of how many girls i go on first dates with, it doesn't mean squat, much like the numbers I get when I go out....

Will be going out tonight. Plan on getting lots of numbers. Haven't gone out in a while.

I'm also feeling kind of dumb for lying about meeting a friend on campus when I talk to these girls. I'm starting to think about just going direct and being upfront. I'm not a fan of lying, and every single girl I go on a date with asks me what I was walking around campus for (because I don't go to that campus) even though I told them I was meeting a friend before. It'll be awkward at first just approaching girls randomly telling them they are cute and starting a conversation, but I think it is probably a better decision in the end and it will save me the numbers I get from girls who have boyfriends, etc. I definitely am starting to feel lame for doing that. I think I may change what I'm doing and just be honest. It's lame to lie about something like that.

Lessons:
1. Doesn't matter where I work; live with
2. Doesn't matter if I am approaching girls direct at campus, even if it isn't my campus (if they ask, I'll tell them I felt like talking to girls; just be honest)

Appreciate yourself; be honest; don't lie out of insecurity; a girl will like you for you regardless. If she doesn't then find one that will. Dating should be easy. Dating is easy. Getting a girlfriend is easy. Girls are everywhere. Abundance, abundance


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> Got messaged by the hottest girl i've ever received a message from. Bad thing is that she lives about 2 or more hrs away from me and I don't think she read my profile because she says that she wears heels a lot so she's looking for a guy around 5'9" or 5'10". I'll bet she doesn't even respond to my reply...


I wouldn't date a girl that far away, but that's me. When I first started dating I'd see girls that lived an 1+ away but that often didn't work out and I just found myself driving for nothing. Why not have them meet you near where you live? I used to do that and every now and then I'd get a girl I actually found attractive (lol) to meet me near my house from online, but it never worked out though because for lots of reasons.

I know this is something that has been discussed, but some girls don't care that much about height (height is only one part of the package that is you). If you keep talking to girls and doing the right things you will find a girl who likes you for you. Online dating is a very competitive arena for most men. Expect a ton of flakes online.

It sounds grim, but there are other ways even if you may not feel comfortable with them I highly suggest trying it out for a while along with online dating.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> asked two girls out for coffee today, hopefully one of them is interested.
> 
> I also feel proud for ignoring a couple of girls who messaged me online, felt good!
> 
> Otherwise i am really working hard to improve my mood in general, and work up the motivation to start going out again despite the winter. Its getting worse here, but spring is right around the corner, and i want to be in good shape!!
> 
> Really getting excited about spring time,


Cool man. I'm glad you are optimistic. I think for anyone though dating is frustrating at times so I'd try hard not to beat yourself up too much when **** hits the fan (because _it will_ at some point). I've learned that dating is more rejection than success. So probably the best thing we can do for ourselves is to accept the rejection part of it and take it like a duck does water and let that **** roll off your back. There is a girl you like out there that likes you back; there are MANY of them when you just keep chipping away.

Rejection is like the thing you go through like sifting through the dirt to find the gold. It's there but you got to keep sifting. Therefore, when we get rejected it is part of the process to find the girls we can date and like and who like us back.

For me, I believe it is guaranteed if we stick to it and learn not to take rejection seriously--kind of like how when we lose in a video game we don't take it seriously. This is how when I go out I don't view rejection as a bad thing sometimes, and can even make a goal to get rejected a certain amount of times that night, because if I am getting rejected that means I am doing what I need to do. You'll be surprised when you set goals like this for yourself.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

So I had an opportunity to make a move on a girl but I have a cold sore...:blank


----------



## Zeeshan

So i decided to tackle on my greatest insecurities, and get some martial arts training. One of my fear, I had the first session today, though costly it was really great. 

I think this will help me go out more, since i have always feared being in a tough situation where i could get hurt.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> asked two girls out for coffee today, hopefully one of them is interested.
> 
> I also feel proud for ignoring a couple of girls who messaged me online, felt good!
> 
> Otherwise i am really working hard to improve my mood in general, and work up the motivation to start going out again despite the winter. Its getting worse here, but spring is right around the corner, and i want to be in good shape!!
> 
> Really getting excited about spring time,


so one of the girls agreed to meet me for coffee but i am not sure if i want to meet her. I am having second thoughts because i am kind of sick of wasting my time.

The one i really want to respond hasn't read my email yet.


----------



## bsd3355

I joined POF again.

Let the rejection spree begin!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I joined POF again.
> 
> Let the rejection spree begin!


i rejected another girl that messaged me, i am surprised quite a few have messaged me in the last two weeks. All i did was removed my profile completely except for two pictures it doesn't say anything

mind you they have all been no woman id like to date, well one was but she lost interest for some reason. Still, thats newer then before.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> i rejected another girl that messaged me, i am surprised quite a few have messaged me in the last two weeks. All i did was removed my profile completely except for two pictures it doesn't say anything
> 
> mind you they have all been no woman id like to date, well one was but she lost interest for some reason. Still, thats newer then before.


Download free mouse clicker, set clicker to 1 second and leave it over "yes" option in the "meet me" page...come back in a few hours and your email box with be filled with girls messaging you. all the responses are likely to be from girls you don't find attractive though; some will be from girls you may like.

You also get more responses if you email girls while they are online for some reason.

Online is harsh. No doubt about it. Might as well increase your odds 

Online the rejection rate is as high as it comes...for me anyway. Either we are ugly as ****, or you don't take it seriously


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Download free mouse clicker, set clicker to 1 second and leave it over "yes" option in the "meet me" page...come back in a few hours and your email box with be filled with girls messaging you. all the responses are likely to be from girls you don't find attractive though; some will be from girls you may like.
> 
> You also get more responses if you email girls while they are online for some reason.
> 
> Online is harsh. No doubt about it. Might as well increase your odds
> 
> Online the rejection rate is as high as it comes...for me anyway. Either we are ugly as ****, or you don't take it seriously


That's actually a pretty handy tip. lol. I probably will try it when my dick is fully operational. I had an MRI bumped up to Friday but then they postponed it! They might get me another MRI lined up in a week or two. Hopefully I get on testosterone replacement therapy sometime in March. Hopefully early March. But that may just be wishful thinking on my part.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Download free mouse clicker, set clicker to 1 second and leave it over "yes" option in the "meet me" page...come back in a few hours and your email box with be filled with girls messaging you. all the responses are likely to be from girls you don't find attractive though; some will be from girls you may like.
> 
> You also get more responses if you email girls while they are online for some reason.
> 
> Online is harsh. No doubt about it. Might as well increase your odds
> 
> Online the rejection rate is as high as it comes...for me anyway. Either we are ugly as ****, or you don't take it seriously


lol did you get that trick from elsewhere, or did you come up with that yourself, its quite clever,


----------



## bsd3355

i read it off another site a year ago

it's even better now than it was then because back then the girls wouldn't get a message in their POF inbox, rather notified in another email outside of POF, but now they get a message saying "this member has shown interest in you" in their POF inboxes so they probably see the notifications more now


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> i read it off another site a year ago
> 
> it's even better now than it was then because back then the girls wouldn't get a message in their POF inbox, rather notified in another email outside of POF, but now they get a message saying "this member has shown interest in you" in their POF inboxes so they probably see the notifications more now


well its pretty clever

you know psychology tells us that the more time you see a person, the more attractive he or she becomes to you

thats not a theory, thats a fact. They have done countless studies where subjects rate hundreds of pictures on attractiveness. Over time certain pictures are repeated, subjects rate the pictures they have seen before as more attractive then the last time they ranked them, and the baseline continues to increase indefinitely.

Is there a way to keep showing a girl your face lol


----------



## Zeeshan

lol also i discovered a psychological wiki today, so thats all ive been doing is reading random concepts

I also learned about something called foot in the door technique. Its a psychological concept, where by people are less likely to refuse a second favour (which maybe larger) if they have already granted you a one much smaller favour.

For example, ask a girl to hold something for you, or to get you something. Like hey can you grab me a cup of coffee if you are heading downstairs. Most people would not turn down something very in arbitrary, as its so small. However when it is followed by a bigger favour, people actually have trouble turning it down since they have already shown compliance to you, and in general want to be submissive and conform.

Foot in the door technique and i forgot what the one above is called. It starts with a P, Procurity or something. Both have been tested and proven with hundreds of studies


----------



## Arthur Dent

Getting desperate. You know, because that works so dandy...


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> Download free mouse clicker, set clicker to 1 second and leave it over "yes" option in the "meet me" page...come back in a few hours and your email box with be filled with girls messaging you.  all the responses are likely to be from girls you don't find attractive though; some will be from girls you may like.
> 
> You also get more responses if you email girls while they are online for some reason.
> 
> Online is harsh. No doubt about it. Might as well increase your odds
> 
> Online the rejection rate is as high as it comes...for me anyway. Either we are ugly as ****, or you don't take it seriously


I've been doing that for the past couple months. I did it so much that I ran out of "Meet Me's", didn't even know that was possible. Sucks that almost every active female in my area has viewed my profile


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> . Being short sucks, its worse then being fat, being poor, being ugly, women are attracted to several things i know, but not having the height factor, seriously puts you behind the eight ball.


I am 1,90 almost it hasnt helped me a bit just for your info... I had seen lots of "smaller" guys with decent women :mum Thats just your fantasy that you think your height is a big issue, if it were I would have success with women (if height would be that important i mean)...:afr


----------



## edhoo

bwidger85 said:


> Download free mouse clicker, set clicker to 1 second and leave it over "yes" option in the "meet me" page...come back in a few hours and your email box with be filled with girls messaging you. all the responses are likely to be from girls you don't find attractive though; some will be from girls you may like.
> 
> You also get more responses if you email girls while they are online for some reason.
> 
> Online is harsh. No doubt about it. Might as well increase your odds
> 
> Online the rejection rate is as high as it comes...for me anyway. Either we are ugly as ****, or you don't take it seriously


haha this actually worked


----------



## bsd3355

so today i put a cosmetology degree in a big steel cage in front of my house... i ended up catching a couple of babes and a couple gay guys too... unfortunately the babes ended up hooking up with the gay guys and they all became bisexual for each other. happens a lot. it's part of the process


----------



## Zeeshan

edhoo said:


> haha this actually worked


Lol are you serious

Details please


----------



## bsd3355

I am bipolar when it comes to dating, no doubt. Wish sometimes I wasn't. I try hard not to be. It's an ongoing practice sometimes.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

I really dont know how to talk and have conversation dafuk I have 7 girls replied to me on OkCupid I dont know how to keep it spontaneous,keep the convo going. Im getting nervous even if its online what's worse if it's face to face. What a ****ing noob in dating lol I feel so ****ing pathetic f*** this s***.:mum:afr:sus:um:idea:blank


----------



## Nexus777

Wrong Galaxy said:


> I have 7 girls replied to me on OkCupid


Whow you must have handsome pics then, care to show them off ? (i am not gay just curious cause i dint get replies at all at these sites)...:no


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Nexus777 said:


> Whow you must have handsome pics then, care to show them off ? (i am not gay just curious cause i dint get replies at all at these sites)...:no


huh, no I would not do that man. Im average not handsome. 
Besides, that 8 pm replies is out of the 34 girls I pm'ed.After the initial "hi" "hello, how are you" blah blah blah stage I get the conversation stalled I don't know what to say next. I get nervous, panic, anxious this is what I hate the most. It gets me mad & depressed why Im such a turd like this. I know I'm gonna quit again on this sooner or later.:no


----------



## bsd3355

*How to get phone numbers/date off POF*



Wrong Galaxy said:


> I really dont know how to talk and have conversation dafuk I have 7 girls replied to me on OkCupid I dont know how to keep it spontaneous,keep the convo going. Im getting nervous even if its online what's worse if it's face to face. What a ****ing noob in dating lol I feel so ****ing pathetic f*** this s***.:mum:afr:sus:um:idea:blank


After a while you realize it doesn't matter too much what you say. If anything, you want to get their number so you can contact them outside of POF.

This is what I do:

1. Sent out a simple first message
2. When they reply, usually the next question I ask is, "How's POF treating you?"
3. After they reply to that I ask them to briefly tell me about themselves: "Sorry if I make you repeat something already in your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself"
4. After they do that I ask if they like to text. They will usually say yes because you got them to invest a little

Step by step:

Me: "Hey, how are you??"
Her: "Good. And yourself?"
Me: "Good, thanks. How's POF treating you?"
Her: "Not to well (blah blah blah)... you?"
Me: "It's OK...(blah blah blah)...Sorry if I ask a question that's already on your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself "
Her: (response about herself)
Me: (response if she asks the same question)....Do you text? I'm (your name) btw "
Her: "Yes I do! I'm (her name)"
Me: "Cool. What's your number? I'll send you a text "

When you start texting them you want to try and set up a date relatively fast within the first or second conversation you two speak (either on the phone or via text). Do not drag it on, and get to the point like how you did with getting her number. The longer you drag it on the longer you run the risk of losing her attention or doing something stupid. Don't seem too eager to get a number or a date though, but make sure to get it within the first or second conversation.

Work lots of volume. Send out lots of first emails. Send them mainly to girls who are online to increase your odds. A high percentage will not reply, but the ones who do try to get their number relatively fast (as seen in above example), but don't appear eager while doing it.

The frame of mind you want while doing this:
_"Phone numbers are no big deal; dates are no big deal. Girls think the same way. Therefore, asking for a phone number or a date is no big deal for either of us. If she says no then she wasn't that interested to begin with, so on to one who inevitably will. Trust the process and don't doubt yourself"_


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> After a while you realize it doesn't matter too much what you say. If anything, you want to get their number so you can contact them outside of POF.
> 
> This is what I do:
> 
> 1. Sent out a simple first message
> 2. When they reply, usually the next question I ask is, "How's POF treating you?"
> 3. After they reply to that I ask them to briefly tell me about themselves: "Sorry if I make you repeat something already in your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself"
> 4. After they do that I ask if they like to text. They will usually say yes because you got them to invest a little
> 
> Step by step:
> 
> Me: "Hey, how are you??"
> Her: "Good. And yourself?"
> Me: "Good, thanks. How's POF treating you?"
> Her: "Not to well (blah blah blah)... you?"
> Me: "It's OK...(blah blah blah)...Sorry if I ask a question that's already on your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself "
> Her: (response about herself)
> Me: (response if she asks the same question)....Do you text? I'm (your name) btw "
> Her: "Yes I do! I'm (her name)"
> Me: "Cool. What's your number? I'll send you a text "
> 
> When you start texting them you want to try and set up a date relatively fast within the first or second conversation you two speak (either on the phone or via text). Do not drag it on, and get to the point like how you did with getting her number. The longer you drag it on the longer you run the risk of losing her attention or doing something stupid. Don't seem too eager to get a number or a date though, but make sure to get it within the first or second conversation.
> 
> Work lots of volume. Send out lots of first emails. Send them mainly to girls who are online to increase your odds. A high percentage will not reply, but the ones who do try to get their number relatively fast (as seen in above example), but don't appear eager while doing it.
> 
> The frame of mind you want while doing this:
> _"Phone numbers are no big deal; dates are no big deal. Girls think the same way. Therefore, asking for a phone number or a date is no big deal for either of us. If she says no then she wasn't that interested to begin with, so on to one who inevitably will. Trust the process and don't doubt yourself"_


Wow u work fast


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Wow u work fast


I do it because I don't like to waste time. Going slower is OK, but often what happens is you put so much time and effort into one girl only to have that time/effort wasted when she flakes regardless of the time/energy you spent on her. You can, but I personally wouldn't drag it on too long without knowing for sure she won't flake, which typically happens after a certain amount of dates.

Basically, the amount of interest a girl has is usually determined on how she reciprocates or invests her time into you. If the girl is interested, you can move relatively fast because in her mind she has already decided to invest, so she will comply. On the other hand, some girls will string you along for their own sake but they do not have the interest enough, so their interest will reflect on them flaking regardless of how much time/energy you spend on them. So in my mind, might as well find out relatively soon if she's actually interested and screen out the other girls who are wasting my time. Girls know relatively fast, like men do, if they are willing to invest a certain amount of time on you, so it is sometimes unnecessary to put so much time into them thinking that will make them change their minds. Best thing you can do is get the girl to invest a little in you to test if she at least seems interested, and then use that interest.investment on her end to close the deal and get the number or date.

I don't usually think this hard. After enough talking to girls you instinctively know which ones are actually interested by taking chances, and the ones who aren't you just excuse as not interested and you go find more girls.

I honestly don't think there is a better way to meet girls within a decent time frame. All this, "You seem desperate because you approach so many girls" is kind of ridiculous considering the alternative is to wait months and months or even years for a date or two--THAT'S ridiculous. This is basically speeding up the inevitable screening process that happens regardless of how fast or slow you meet women--it is bound to happen so might as well speed up the process. High volume is a must if you want to date within a relatively reasonable time I've found--that, or, you lower your standards or expectations and stay with a low volume.

Since two days ago I've probably got 15 numbers from POF (I might of overdone it). Most those numbers won't lead to anything, and only a few of them are ones I have the serious hots for. Still, not bad for a couple days worth (not 24 hour days obviously; more like a few hours a day for 2 days).

To sum up:
Don't seem too eager, get the girl to invest a little, share a bit about yourself, ask for number.

I also don't view the first couple dates as anything too serious, and so I look at dates the same way other people may look at talking online or over the phone to get to know someone. I'd rather get to know someone in person, and I think a lot of people share the same views. To me, spending time getting to know someone via the phone or online over a long period of time is pointless when actual dates are what count, so I work fast to get number and set up dates, but I also don't appear eager or needy during the process. Once on a date, then we can really get to know each other.


----------



## phoenixwright

I have moved just as fast as bwidger on okcupid. If not faster. But I'd put more meat in my messages. That way it doesn't seem so weird to move things along quickly.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I have moved just as fast as bwidger on okcupid. If not faster. But I'd put more meat in my messages. That way it doesn't seem so weird to move things along quickly.


Yeah, that works. I put enough "meat" to just skim by. Putting a little more into it will typically be better, but just don't spend days and days of hours of conversation back and forth (unnecessary time). That's basically the whole of it


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Wow man!.. Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it, Im gonna try and use that tip of gettin number fast. But I'm terribly very anxious lately this past week. Unlike 2-3 weeks before I was really determined & eager pming them girls.

Im gonna find out if I can get numbers coz I was actually surprised that there are girls that replied to my pm.lol



bwidger85 said:


> After a while you realize it doesn't matter too much what you say. If anything, you want to get their number so you can contact them outside of POF.
> 
> This is what I do:
> 
> 1. Sent out a simple first message
> 2. When they reply, usually the next question I ask is, "How's POF treating you?"
> 3. After they reply to that I ask them to briefly tell me about themselves: "Sorry if I make you repeat something already in your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself"
> 4. After they do that I ask if they like to text. They will usually say yes because you got them to invest a little
> 
> Step by step:
> 
> Me: "Hey, how are you??"
> Her: "Good. And yourself?"
> Me: "Good, thanks. How's POF treating you?"
> Her: "Not to well (blah blah blah)... you?"
> Me: "It's OK...(blah blah blah)...Sorry if I ask a question that's already on your profile, but briefly tell me a little about yourself "
> Her: (response about herself)
> Me: (response if she asks the same question)....Do you text? I'm (your name) btw "
> Her: "Yes I do! I'm (her name)"
> Me: "Cool. What's your number? I'll send you a text "
> 
> When you start texting them you want to try and set up a date relatively fast within the first or second conversation you two speak (either on the phone or via text). Do not drag it on, and get to the point like how you did with getting her number. The longer you drag it on the longer you run the risk of losing her attention or doing something stupid. Don't seem too eager to get a number or a date though, but make sure to get it within the first or second conversation.
> 
> Work lots of volume. Send out lots of first emails. Send them mainly to girls who are online to increase your odds. A high percentage will not reply, but the ones who do try to get their number relatively fast (as seen in above example), but don't appear eager while doing it.
> 
> The frame of mind you want while doing this:
> _"Phone numbers are no big deal; dates are no big deal. Girls think the same way. Therefore, asking for a phone number or a date is no big deal for either of us. If she says no then she wasn't that interested to begin with, so on to one who inevitably will. Trust the process and don't doubt yourself"_





bwidger85 said:


> I do it because I don't like to waste time. Going slower is OK, but often what happens is you put so much time and effort into one girl only to have that time/effort wasted when she flakes regardless of the time/energy you spent on her. You can, but I personally wouldn't drag it on too long without knowing for sure she won't flake, which typically happens after a certain amount of dates.
> 
> Basically, the amount of interest a girl has is usually determined on how she reciprocates or invests her time into you. If the girl is interested, you can move relatively fast because in her mind she has already decided to invest, so she will comply. On the other hand, some girls will string you along for their own sake but they do not have the interest enough, so their interest will reflect on them flaking regardless of how much time/energy you spend on them. So in my mind, might as well find out relatively soon if she's actually interested and screen out the other girls who are wasting my time. Girls know relatively fast, like men do, if they are willing to invest a certain amount of time on you, so it is sometimes unnecessary to put so much time into them thinking that will make them change their minds. Best thing you can do is get the girl to invest a little in you to test if she at least seems interested, and then use that interest.investment on her end to close the deal and get the number or date.
> 
> I don't usually think this hard. After enough talking to girls you instinctively know which ones are actually interested by taking chances, and the ones who aren't you just excuse as not interested and you go find more girls.
> 
> I honestly don't think there is a better way to meet girls within a decent time frame. All this, "You seem desperate because you approach so many girls" is kind of ridiculous considering the alternative is to wait months and months or even years for a date or two--THAT'S ridiculous. This is basically speeding up the inevitable screening process that happens regardless of how fast or slow you meet women--it is bound to happen so might as well speed up the process. High volume is a must if you want to date within a relatively reasonable time I've found--that, or, you lower your standards or expectations and stay with a low volume.
> 
> Since two days ago I've probably got 15 numbers from POF (I might of overdone it). Most those numbers won't lead to anything, and only a few of them are ones I have the serious hots for. Still, not bad for a couple days worth (not 24 hour days obviously; more like a few hours a day for 2 days).
> 
> To sum up:
> Don't seem too eager, get the girl to invest a little, share a bit about yourself, ask for number.
> 
> I also don't view the first couple dates as anything too serious, and so I look at dates the same way other people may look at talking online or over the phone to get to know someone. I'd rather get to know someone in person, and I think a lot of people share the same views. To me, spending time getting to know someone via the phone or online over a long period of time is pointless when actual dates are what count, so I work fast to get number and set up dates, but I also don't appear eager or needy during the process. Once on a date, then we can really get to know each other.


----------



## bsd3355

^Try it out a couple times and let us know how it goes. GL


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

bwidger85 said:


> ^Try it out a couple times and let us know how it goes. GL


Got one...:blank:|


----------



## rymo

Go to piratebay and search "simple pickup". Can download all of their Project Go videos.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Go to piratebay and search "simple pickup". Can download all of their Project Go videos.


Reaaalllllyyyy? Because I stopped my subscription with them a couple months back. After my subscription was over they removed the months of videos I paid for and only left one month!

Nice find rymo!


----------



## bsd3355

Wrong Galaxy said:


> Got one...:blank:|


Sweet. If it doesn't work out, do it again


----------



## Brandeezy

So I'm now talking to this girl off POF for the past couple days. She lives pretty far from me but we click so much I don't care at all. She's told me about some things that's she's dealing with and has dealt with in the past but I don't care. I told her the past is the past . I might try the long distance thing out if I get that far but it looks like it


----------



## 9mm

As a heterosexual male, my only chance of attracting a woman is to be successful in some way -- socially, vocationally, or financially. None of which i am.


----------



## nightrain

9mm said:


> As a heterosexual male, my only chance of attracting a woman is to be successful in some way -- socially, vocationally, or financially. None of which i am.


:roll

Thinking like that won't get you anywhere.


----------



## pete24

Success .

Met girl off dating site.
Hit it off massively, I got totally wasted on booze, actually became a bit of a drunken arsehole (oops)
She stayed in my bed ... for 3 days with me

Relationship started.

I am gutted that I was so wasted but it was a mix of me needing it for confidence n her wanting to drink me under the table.

Alas im finally no longer single, we both feel like we have known each other for years when in reality its just a few days.

As for 9mm's post... I agree with nightrain. Im none of those things (no friends, have SA, depressed and severely in debt) but have still managed it. The thing is theres women out there who care about how financially stable you are, theres others who care about your social standing, but theres more women out there who couldnt give a crap about things like that


----------



## Brandeezy

pete24 said:


> Success .
> 
> Met girl off dating site.
> Hit it off massively, I got totally wasted on booze, actually became a bit of a drunken arsehole (oops)
> She stayed in my bed ... for 3 days with me
> 
> Relationship started.
> 
> I am gutted that I was so wasted but it was a mix of me needing it for confidence n her wanting to drink me under the table.
> Alas im finally no longer single*, we both feel like we have known each other for years when in reality its just a few days.*
> 
> As for 9mm's post... I agree with nightrain. Im none of those things (no friends, have SA, depressed and severely in debt) but have still managed it. The thing is theres women out there who care about how financially stable you are, theres others who care about your social standing, but theres more women out there who couldnt give a crap about things like that


That's how I feel too, it's weird. She told me that it must be fate after she asked me all these questions lol idk though


----------



## kenny87

been watching lots of porn so I can learn some moves and enhance my skills in bed so she will never know its my first time.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Success .
> 
> Met girl off dating site.
> Hit it off massively, I got totally wasted on booze, actually became a bit of a drunken arsehole (oops)
> She stayed in my bed ... for 3 days with me
> 
> Relationship started.
> 
> I am gutted that I was so wasted but it was a mix of me needing it for confidence n her wanting to drink me under the table.
> 
> Alas im finally no longer single, we both feel like we have known each other for years when in reality its just a few days.
> 
> As for 9mm's post... I agree with nightrain. Im none of those things (no friends, have SA, depressed and severely in debt) but have still managed it. The thing is theres women out there who care about how financially stable you are, theres others who care about your social standing, but theres more women out there who couldnt give a crap about things like that


Exactly. Welcome to the dark side. Congrats!

What can be done once can be replicated... for all you out there with no dates, go get rejected already!


----------



## AussiePea

Well I had an interesting evening. Been talking to a girl from OKC as friends for a couple of weeks and asked to meet up last night. We went to a Karaoke bar, she had one friend I had my two roomates (male/female). Anyway it became pretty obvious pretty quickly that she wanted more than just a friendly hangout so we spent the next 4 or so hours singing (huge step for me btw, never thought I would be able to do karaoke, oh the joys of alcohol) and dancing. Lots of flirting, though she told my roomies that she felt I was not interested since i was not making a move (my biggest issue is being forthcoming like that) but they reassured her it was just my shyness.

Anyway to cut a long story short, lost my V-card and had an enjoyable morning chatting and driving her home as well. The drinking led to the sex, which wouldn't have happened so soon if we were both sober and I feel there is more there, so asked her to hang out this week which she seemed quite interested to do.

So completely out of the blue it can happen...


----------



## bsd3355

AussiePea said:


> Well I had an interesting evening. Been talking to a girl from OKC as friends for a couple of weeks and asked to meet up last night. We went to a Karaoke bar, she had one friend I had my two roomates (male/female). Anyway it became pretty obvious pretty quickly that she wanted more than just a friendly hangout so we spent the next 4 or so hours singing (huge step for me btw, never thought I would be able to do karaoke, oh the joys of alcohol) and dancing. Lots of flirting, though she told my roomies that she felt I was not interested since i was not making a move (my biggest issue is being forthcoming like that) but they reassured her it was just my shyness.
> 
> Anyway to cut a long story short, lost my V-card and had an enjoyable morning chatting and driving her home as well. The drinking led to the sex, which wouldn't have happened so soon if we were both sober and I feel there is more there, so asked her to hang out this week which she seemed quite interested to do.
> 
> So completely out of the blue it can happen...


I only share this video for the most epic of epics...

just take in....

Repeat after charlie: "WINNING!"


----------



## 9mm

Who needs girls when you have video games and internet porn?


----------



## Brandeezy

So I'm not attracted to the girl on pof I'm talking to but she really likes me. I don't how to get out of the situation but I'm planning on ignoring her some and see what happens. Good thing is that she's 4 hours away from me so I don't have to worry about seeing her. I'm going to try and stay local on pof from now on


----------



## phoenixwright

AussiePea said:


> Well I had an interesting evening. Been talking to a girl from OKC as friends for a couple of weeks and asked to meet up last night. We went to a Karaoke bar, she had one friend I had my two roomates (male/female). Anyway it became pretty obvious pretty quickly that she wanted more than just a friendly hangout so we spent the next 4 or so hours singing (huge step for me btw, never thought I would be able to do karaoke, oh the joys of alcohol) and dancing. Lots of flirting, though she told my roomies that she felt I was not interested since i was not making a move (my biggest issue is being forthcoming like that) but they reassured her it was just my shyness.
> 
> Anyway to cut a long story short, lost my V-card and had an enjoyable morning chatting and driving her home as well. The drinking led to the sex, which wouldn't have happened so soon if we were both sober and I feel there is more there, so asked her to hang out this week which she seemed quite interested to do.
> 
> So completely out of the blue it can happen...


Congrats.

Hopefully you didn't drive to your place after getting drunk though!

Your situation highlights what I have been saying. If a girl is interested, it's not rocket science. They do make it obvious. The idea that the guy has to make all of the moves is very 1950s-esque. She was itching for you to make a move. But only after she made it obvious through her signals that she liked you.


----------



## AussiePea

phoenixwright said:


> Congrats.
> 
> Hopefully you didn't drive to your place after getting drunk though!
> 
> Your situation highlights what I have been saying. If a girl is interested, it's not rocket science. They do make it obvious. The idea that the guy has to make all of the moves is very 1950s-esque. She was itching for you to make a move. But only after she made it obvious through her signals that she liked you.


No of course we didn't drive, taxi! I have to admit, she did not make it THAT obvious, or at least, for an inexperienced guy like me it wasn't so much but I do think I am quite naive when it comes to the signals. Once you do recognise the signs though, and you like them back, it really does just all fall into place as far as enjoying your evening together.


----------



## Paragon

Grats man


----------



## bsd3355

Looks like I may of found me a south korean girlfriend


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Looks like I may of found me a south korean girlfriend


Pof or real life


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Looks like I may of found me a south korean girlfriend


me so horny, me luv u long time (yea yea I know that line from Full Metal Jacket was from a Vietnamese hooker, not Korean. lol)


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Pof or real life


Real life, but I have a date from POF today

Ironically, i received 10 numbers friday at campus and three of them were asian forgien exhange students who agreed to a coffee date (one was american), which got me thinking if they think i'm just trying to be "friends" with them like it's an american thing to do or something. i also got two fake numbers, which I haven't got in a while (either that, or i typed it in wrong in my phone), but most the american girls just flaked lol. but i went on coffee date with the korean girl that same night then i suggest a movie at my place which she agreed, i eneded up kissing her, then had to drop her off at a party she said she was going to. i could tell she didn't think negatively of me kissing her and she seemed to enjoy herself. next day i get a text from her and we chat a bit so it sounds like it's on with us.

the other girl i was dating really liked me but she was playing the 10 million dates rule before sex and that kind of cut off our ties after i brought up sex. i respect her decision and i sincerely understand why girls do this

as usual, lots of rejections and flakes, but there does seem to be truth in finding girls who like you if you keep going


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Real life, but I have a date from POF today
> 
> Ironically, i received 10 numbers friday at campus and three of them were asian forgien exhange students who agreed to a coffee date (one was american), which got me thinking if they think i'm just trying to be "friends" with them like it's an american thing to do or something. i also got two fake numbers, which I haven't got in a while (either that, or i typed it in wrong in my phone), but most the american girls just flaked lol. but i went on coffee date with the korean girl that same night then i suggest a movie at my place which she agreed, i eneded up kissing her, then had to drop her off at a party she said she was going to. i could tell she didn't think negatively of me kissing her and she seemed to enjoy herself. next day i get a text from her and we chat a bit so it sounds like it's on with us.
> 
> the other girl i was dating really liked me but she was playing the 10 million dates rule before sex and that kind of cut off our ties after i brought up sex. i respect her decision and i sincerely understand why girls do this
> 
> as usual, lots of rejections and flakes, but there does seem to be truth in finding girls who like you if you keep going


Aren't you running out of girls on that campus lol


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Aren't you running out of girls on that campus lol


If it happens then it happens. A part of it is just being honest about what I'm doing and owning it. It may sound eccentric to some but it's harmless so people can think what they want.

That POF girl isn't hanging out today btw. She lives like 45 to 1hr away from me and I asked her to meet me at starbucks by my house but she said "that's a little far from me". While it's too far to drive for her, girls flake so much I'm not sticking my neck out too far anymore if I don't have to. If she really wants to hang out then she'll drive out here. If not, then I'll meet someone closer. I also want to get coffee then a movie at my place so that's another reason why I pick a place close to my house. One of the asian girls was supposed to grab coffee with me today at campus but she canceled for something she had to do. i had another date set up today from a girl off POF as well. I texted her to see if she's like to meet up at the starbucks by my house and I'll still waiting on the response.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> If it happens then it happens. A part of it is just being honest about what I'm doing and owning it. It may sound eccentric to some but it's harmless so people can think what they want.
> 
> That POF girl isn't hanging out today btw. She lives like 45 to 1hr away from me and I asked her to meet me at starbucks by my house but she said "that's a little far from me". While it's too far to drive for her, girls flake so much I'm not sticking my neck out too far anymore if I don't have to. If she really wants to hang out then she'll drive out here. If not, then I'll meet someone closer. I also want to get coffee then a movie at my place so that's another reason why I pick a place close to my house. One of the asian girls was supposed to grab coffee with me today at campus but she canceled for something she had to do. i had another date set up today from a girl off POF as well. I texted her to see if she's like to meet up at the starbucks by my house and I'll still waiting on the response.


I almost always suggest to meet a girl in her area (almost). But it is 2013. If a woman has a car, it's only fair that women put in their "fair share" travel-wise IMO. And it surprises me how many women who live in suburban areas of the Greater Toronto Area and also places like Hamilton and St. Catharines (public transit sucks there. You need a car) don't drive. A lot of women feel no need to get a car. They just expect that a man will chaffeur them everywhere. I think Rymo lives in Anytown, Connectcuit (you know, typical American suburbia) and he pointed out that lots of women in his suburban area do not drive.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I almost always suggest to meet a girl in her area (almost). But it is 2013. If a woman has a car, it's only fair that women put in their "fair share" travel-wise IMO.
> 
> If I were you I would not play hardball with a girl to the extent that you do by insisting that you meet at a Starbucks near your house. You should offer to meet her half-way at least on the first date. Pick a Starbucks (personally I prefer more "indie" coffee shops. And the last two girls I took to coffee shops of my choosing were very impressed with my choice) that is more or less mid-way between where the two of you are.


Yeah, if I find myself in this situation again, and if I really want to meet the girl, I'll meet them halfway, but after that if she's not willing to travel then I'm not wasting both our time.

This was an accumulative thing that made me make this decision. She was real pretty too in my opinion. Maybe subconsciously I thought if I went to meet her halfway then she'd flake me after the date as some have recently. I'll try to be more open next time if it's a girl I really want to see. I'm not going to worry about this one though.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, if I find myself in this situation again, and if I really want to meet the girl, I'll meet them halfway, but after that if she's not willing to travel then I'm not wasting both our time.
> 
> This was an accumulative thing that made me make this decision. She was real pretty too in my opinion. Maybe subconsciously I thought if I went to meet her halfway then she'd flake me after the date as some have recently. I'll try to be more open next time if it's a girl I really want to see. I'm not going to worry about this one though.


It's important to trust gut instincts. Remember when that girl from December (I need to start giving them names) agreed to meet with me at a particular coffee shop near her area at a certain day/time and then she never gave me her number when I asked for it the day of the meet and I had a feeling she was gonna flake? I decided to stay home and wait it out (even messaging her again to see if we were still on) and guess what? My instincts were right. I saved my gas money, coffee money and my time and dignity.

I hate how the gender norms skew against guys when it comes to this sort of thing. But it is what it is. Men are the more desperate gender so they pay. I remember Komorikun once saying something along the lines of how the more desperate party pays. It's a very cynical way of looking at things but it is true.


----------



## Rossy

Seems to have gone pear shaped somehow,I've done and said nothing wrong at all but she seems kinda aggressive towards me but I am not too bothered going on a weekend away with some friends in afew weeks so I can pull any girl I want with no guilt at all.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> I hate how the gender norms skew against guys when it comes to this sort of thing. But it is what it is. Men are the more desperate gender so they pay. I remember Komorikun once saying something along the lines of how the more desperate party pays. It's a very cynical way of looking at things but it is true.


Men are the more desperate gender? Eh, I wouldn't entirely agree with that because women can be just as desperate. What that really comes down to is the individual and the situation. Some may say men may be more desperate for sex, but then women are more desperate for relationships if you want to take that route. Still, that's too general a statement and I wouldn't agree with the more desperate person pays either as it falls under the same category, especially since I've been on plenty of dates where the girl buys her drink herself. For me, personally, I pay because I invited them out and it seems like the polite thing to do. As far as the last four or more first dates I've been on I haven't paid for their drinks and it doesn't change anything. A girl who expects you to pay for her all the time is expecting too much in my opinion. This isn't the 19th century. If I invited the girl to something expensive then I'd pay simply because I invited her and it'd be rude to expect her to pay for something so expensive when I invited her. If a girl takes offense I didn't pay for her 3 dollar starbucks coffee then she can **** off. I don't owe her squat and I'll do it if I want to. I don't view first dates as me paying for her attention. A first date is when BOTH people want to see each other. A 3 dollar coffee really is nothing to me though so I honestly don't have a problem with paying for it. It's no big deal. I would rather pay simply because I think it's a nice thing to do, but it has nothing to do with me being more desperate even if I was desperate in that instance.


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> Seems to have gone pear shaped somehow,I've done and said nothing wrong at all but she seems kinda aggressive towards me but I am not too bothered going on a weekend away with some friends in afew weeks so I can pull any girl I want with no guilt at all.


Didn't you say you are in a "relationship?" Have you had sex with her?


----------



## Rossy

Not quite but it seems to be heading that way,no.


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> Not quite but it seems to be heading that way,no.


It sounds like you are doing everything right and I'm happy for you. I'm not going to suggest anything to have sex with her because it's your relationship. But usually if a girl is "aggressive" towards the relationship then you going for it is a good chance, but that's my two cents anyway.

Side note:
The other girl from POF wants to meet up and she lives about the same distance. I'm likely going to meet up with her halfway. I'm going to suggest a couple drinks at a bar as that is much more enjoyable than coffee for me.


----------



## Rossy

bwidger85 said:


> It sounds like you are doing everything right and I'm happy for you. I'm not going to suggest anything to have sex with her because it's your relationship. But usually if a girl is "aggressive" towards the relationship then you going for it is a good chance, but that's my two cents anyway.
> 
> Side note:
> The other girl from POF wants to meet up and she lives about the same distance. I'm likely going to meet up with her halfway. I'm going to suggest a couple drinks at a bar as that is much more enjoyable than coffee for me.


Ive backed off compleatly for the time being,shes maybe having post holiday blues but that does not expalsin this hostile nature towards me all of a sudden.


----------



## bsd3355

Rossy said:


> Ive backed off compleatly for the time being,shes maybe having post holiday blues but that does not expalsin this hostile nature towards me all of a sudden.


i'd go for it lol dude. Hopefully things work out GL


----------



## Rossy

I feel like saying fuk it.


----------



## frimasdejanvier

I am a lesbian and I am pretty sure that I will never 'get a girl.'

Women, historically, have hated me. For whatever reason. I know that sounds weird to say, because I am one. But girls hate me. They just do.

Once, I was in love with my best friend but she was (and still is) straight. So that it is a common problem (incompatible orientation).

And then, once, I was in love with this other girl who was actually gay but she had no feelings for me whatsoever. 

Another time, I had a girl who was obsessed with me, but I wasn't attracted to her at all. Then she pretty much started stalking me. So that was fun.

My mom asked me last night whether I had any desire to ever be in a relationship, and I was like "no." Haha, she got so mad at me. 

I wish I could find someone else with SA that I could connect with - even just as friends.

Do you guys wish you could find someone who also has SA so that they would understand you?


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from date with the girl off POF. Damn, this girl was awesome! Pretty and chill--my kind of girl  This girl is cool was cool as hell--almost as cool as me, I couldn't believe it  Definitely will see her again. She's 26 and I feel a more eye to eye relation with her compared to some of these younger girls. It may be all in my head, and you never know what can happen in the future. But if I lose contact with this girl it will be a bummer for sure

winning x10!

korean girl keeps texting me. feeling good!


----------



## AvBaSoT

bwidger85 said:


> Looks like I may of found me a south korean girlfriend


Congrats man! Korean girls are awesome! I used to date a Korean girl.. Super cute and very nice. I used to live in a city with a lot of Koreans but I recently moved to a big city that's mostly white and black. I prefer east asian girls now over white girls....LOL.


----------



## AvBaSoT

What did I do today. I went up to 5 random girls and high fived them .....and had a conversation with 2 of them. I hate doing that in the bitter cold of winter but I did it.


----------



## RyanE1991

Held a chat with a shop assistant girl who seemed quite interested in what I had to say (for once) at the weekend, feel pretty pathetic that I have to take baby steps like this but I suppose doing things like this in increments will slowly help me to get over my confidence issues


----------



## bsd3355

frimasdejanvier said:


> I am a lesbian and I am pretty sure that I will never 'get a girl.'
> 
> Women, historically, have hated me. For whatever reason. I know that sounds weird to say, because I am one. But girls hate me. They just do.
> 
> Once, I was in love with my best friend but she was (and still is) straight. So that it is a common problem (incompatible orientation).
> 
> And then, once, I was in love with this other girl who was actually gay but she had no feelings for me whatsoever.
> 
> Another time, I had a girl who was obsessed with me, but I wasn't attracted to her at all. Then she pretty much started stalking me. So that was fun.
> 
> My mom asked me last night whether I had any desire to ever be in a relationship, and I was like "no." Haha, she got so mad at me.
> 
> I wish I could find someone else with SA that I could connect with - even just as friends.
> 
> Do you guys wish you could find someone who also has SA so that they would understand you?


Gay or straight, dating has its fair share of frusterations. Keep chugging along and you'll meet someone. I have two sisters that are lesbians and it never stopped them. They were some of the biggest players I've ever seen in my life.



AvBaSoT said:


> What did I do today. I went up to 5 random girls and high fived them .....and had a conversation with 2 of them. I hate doing that in the bitter cold of winter but I did it.


Sweet. Maybe next time you have conversation try asking for their number or date? I'm sure some would love to give you their number.



RyanE1991 said:


> Held a chat with a shop assistant girl who seemed quite interested in what I had to say (for once) at the weekend, feel pretty pathetic that I have to take baby steps like this but I suppose doing things like this in increments will slowly help me to get over my confidence issues


It's not pathetic to do baby steps. That's what I do when I haven't talked to girls in a while. Just make sure you push your comfort zone and do things that will get you dates (i.e. as for number, date, etc.).


----------



## WalkingDisaster

I'm doing quite a lot of self-improvement at the moment, mainly to increase my overall happiness, confidence and functionality, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at least partly to make myself more attractive to women. I've been doing excercise and generally paying more attention to my appearance (although hopefully not being vain), and I've been trying out meditation and have started counselling to hopefully improve my mental health and confidence.


----------



## soulless

Not really doing anything. It seems almost impossible to find a female I'm attracted to who isn't already in a relationship, not too young (ie under 25) or a lesbian.


----------



## monotonous

already give up, nothings gonna change


----------



## Nexus777

soulless said:


> Not really doing anything. It seems almost impossible to find a female I'm attracted to who isn't already in a relationship, not too young (ie under 25) or a lesbian.


Yeah women around 30 for example are really impossible to find, most have kids already, happy married etc. Guess you know the story. But I have not much time to invest for a RS in the moment anyway, so may go to an "escort" if my sex drive might return :no:um But its ok without much drive - live seems somewhat easier without much urge for sex so I am not unhappy tbh


----------



## rymo

AvBaSoT said:


> What did I do today. I went up to 5 random girls and high fived them .....and had a conversation with 2 of them. I hate doing that in the bitter cold of winter but I did it.


Nice man. That's how you do it. Keep it up.


----------



## bsd3355

WalkingDisaster said:


> I'm doing quite a lot of self-improvement at the moment, mainly to increase my overall happiness, confidence and functionality, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at least partly to make myself more attractive to women. I've been doing excercise and generally paying more attention to my appearance (although hopefully not being vain), and I've been trying out meditation and have started counselling to hopefully improve my mental health and confidence.


All these are good things. I'd say the most important thing out of all is working on knowing yourself and loving yourself, which comes from experimentation (what you are currently doing) and expanding your comfort zone. I've found we learn the most from our fears because our fears are those things we need more knowledge of if we'd like different/more positive perspectives. It's when we have a strong sense of self, that's when we become a real powerful force in the world because we believe in ourselves, know our capabilities and we can bounce back without much resistance.

On a side note: I personally think working both on your fear of girls and working on yourself is the best strategy because both are areas that help you grow as a person. You can work on yourself and get very far but you still need to expand your reality with women as well in my opinion. In the case of guys who are shy with women, if women is the "fear" to grow from, then it makes sense to experience more in this regard. Getting over your fear of girls will teach you much about yourself and will raise your overall confidence.


----------



## Elad

So the chloroform I ordered online finally came in the plain packaging they promised! happy days.

Will update in the coming days, wish me luck guys.


----------



## AvBaSoT

soulless said:


> Not really doing anything. It seems almost impossible to find a female I'm attracted to who isn't already in a relationship, not too young (ie under 25) or a lesbian.


Go visit any large or medium size city. It's full of single women! I just moved to a big city a couple months ago from a small town. I cant believe how many single women I see everyday.

I'll start dating again in the spring. I would ask them out now if I didn't have this Seasonal Affective bull****.


----------



## MrQuiet76

AvBaSoT said:


> What did I do today. I went up to 5 random girls and high fived them .....and had a conversation with 2 of them. I hate doing that in the bitter cold of winter but I did it.


I'm pretty sure if I walked up to a random woman and tried to give her a high five, she'd either mace me or call the cops for attempted rape


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> I'm pretty sure if I walked up to a random woman and tried to give her a high five, she'd either mace me or call the cops for attempted rape


:no


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> :no


Well I was exaggerating to an extent obviously but I guess you were too excited to whip out your emoticon and be derisive to think about that... I guess if you're good looking, random women wouldn't mind a high five out of nowhere but if an ugly guy like me did the same, she would definitely think it was creepy.


----------



## RyanE1991

Elad said:


> So the chloroform I ordered online finally came in the plain packaging they promised! happy days.
> 
> Will update in the coming days, wish me luck guys.


Haha! :afr


----------



## RyanE1991

^^ oops I meant to put a laughing face not a scared one!


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> Well I was exaggerating to an extent obviously but I guess you were too excited to whip out your emoticon and be derisive to think about that... I guess if you're good looking, random women wouldn't mind a high five out of nowhere but if an ugly guy like me did the same, she would definitely think it was creepy.


Try it and see what happens. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.


----------



## bsd3355

MrQuiet76 said:


> Well I was exaggerating to an extent obviously but I guess you were too excited to whip out your emoticon and be derisive to think about that... I guess if you're good looking, random women wouldn't mind a high five out of nowhere but if an ugly guy like me did the same, she would definitely think it was creepy.


High fives, numbers, kisses (not french per say) really don't mean much to a lot of women, so even if you are ugly you can get them relatively easy if you have balls to go for it. If you are at a bar, for example, and your attitude and vibe is on point you can get away with A LOT regardless of how good looking you are (fact). Now, sex, on the other hand, ehhhh...


----------



## bsd3355

Elad said:


> So the chloroform I ordered online finally came in the plain packaging they promised! happy days.
> 
> Will update in the coming days, wish me luck guys.


Not effective enough. You end up wasting a lot of chloroform.

WTF?:um


----------



## MrQuiet76

bwidger85 said:


> High fives, numbers, kisses (not french per say) really don't mean much to a lot of women, so even if you are ugly you can get them relatively easy if you have balls to go for it. If you are at a bar, for example, and your attitude and vibe is on point you can get away with A LOT regardless of how good looking you are (fact). Now, sex, on the other hand, ehhhh...


i must really be from a different planet or something because none of that seems remotely easy to me


----------



## bsd3355

MrQuiet76 said:


> i must really be from a different planet or something because none of that seems remotely easy to me


This is an SA site. It is probably difficult for most people here.


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> i must really be from a different planet or something because none of that seems remotely easy to me


It only becomes easy once you do it enough times to the point that you're comfortable with it, just like anything else. Just because it seems scary and difficult at this point doesn't mean you don't have the potential to be able to do it without a problem later on.


----------



## MrQuiet76

no offense guys, and i know you'll shoot me down for saying this but i really don't think it's SA that's holding me back.... i'm pretty convinced it's the fact that i'm physically unattractive... i mean, i have acne & acne scars all over my face. what woman is going to be interested in a guy that has red marks all over his face when there's plenty of guys available who don't have those marks? especially if i'm trying to meet them at a bar


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> no offense guys, and i know you'll shoot me down for saying this but i really don't think it's SA that's holding me back.... i'm pretty convinced it's the fact that i'm physically unattractive... i mean, i have acne & acne scars all over my face. what woman is going to be interested in a guy that has red marks all over his face when there's plenty of guys available who don't have those marks? especially if i'm trying to meet them at a bar


I dunno man, I've seen a pic of you and you seem like a good-looking guy. Plus acne is treatable so once that clears up you should be getting a ton of action.


----------



## bsd3355

MrQuiet76 said:


> no offense guys, and i know you'll shoot me down for saying this but i really don't think it's SA that's holding me back.... i'm pretty convinced it's the fact that i'm physically unattractive... i mean, i have acne & acne scars all over my face. what woman is going to be interested in a guy that has red marks all over his face when there's plenty of guys available who don't have those marks? especially if i'm trying to meet them at a bar


Looks matter, but have you talked to many girls and tried to set up dates?


----------



## AngelClare

AvBaSoT said:


> What did I do today. I went up to 5 random girls and high fived them .....and had a conversation with 2 of them. I hate doing that in the bitter cold of winter but I did it.


How did you approach them?


----------



## AussiePea

I think I kind of messed up big time last night. The girl I met fri night invited me to hers for dinner however her mother was there, and I mean in the same room the entire time I was there lol. I didn't mind too much though, I had a decent conversation with her along the way but it never gave me the opportunity to connect with the girl at all, I mean after doing everything (and I mean everything) with her on fri night, to not even hold her hand was a big oops. To be honest I am not sure she even sees me as more as a friend anyway, she never hinted at flirting or anything at all and it was always just your average chit chat.

Oh wells, you live and you learn, but I need to learn how to be more physical and affectionate with these girls or I think they will forever think I am just the nice friend who doesn't see them as anything more.


----------



## bsd3355

^Word.

Date with the parents was a bad move if you never made a connection with the girl.

I wouldn't worry too much about it though. She can still like you. It's not that big of a deal.


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> I think I kind of messed up big time last night. The girl I met fri night invited me to hers for dinner however her mother was there, and I mean in the same room the entire time I was there lol. I didn't mind too much though, I had a decent conversation with her along the way but it never gave me the opportunity to connect with the girl at all, I mean after doing everything (and I mean everything) with her on fri night, to not even hold her hand was a big oops. To be honest I am not sure she even sees me as more as a friend anyway, she never hinted at flirting or anything at all and it was always just your average chit chat.
> 
> Oh wells, you live and you learn, but I need to learn how to be more physical and affectionate with these girls or I think they will forever think I am just the nice friend who doesn't see them as anything more.


Your assuming that she was acting that way BC of you likely she was acting that way BC her mom was there. When u get alone with her you two will sleep together again


----------



## AvBaSoT

MrQuiet76 said:


> Well I was exaggerating to an extent obviously but I guess you were too excited to whip out your emoticon and be derisive to think about that... I guess if you're good looking, random women wouldn't mind a high five out of nowhere but if an ugly guy like me did the same, she would definitely think it was creepy.


You'd be surprised how many girls respond positively. Of course you have to do it with a smile on your face. Push your comfort zone and just start high giving girls that walk pass you. It's just meaningless fun and its a nice little game because it slightly gets you over your anxiety. 

Of course not every girl will do it and some may even give you weird look but most will do it and give you a smile or laugh.


----------



## Zeeshan

Trying something new. got this girl to text me, however after three texts, i ignored her last message. I want to see if she will message again


----------



## TobeyJuarez

well i asked out another girl today.... i wasnt nervous at all and i just initiated and then my worst fear came true.... she laughed really hard at first and then she said "im engaged".... i didnt know what to do so i made an off humor joke. I was like "well, i wont tell him if u wont" and she actually thought it was funny... i stopped the awkward pause that i was so afraid of... and on a more important note, im not afraid to ask girls out anymore...


----------



## MrQuiet76

bwidger85 said:


> Looks matter, but have you talked to many girls and tried to set up dates?


i have talked to a lot of women, especially in college, but i have a hard time getting to a point where i can really talk about dates or anything because girls don't really seem interested in talking to me unless its just as friends.... the only women who seem to enjoy talking to me are almost always girlfriends of my buddies, who i have no chance with. it seems like they really enjoy talking to me, yet most single women just act weird if i ever approach them.... most of the time if i talk to women these days, they seem to lose interest in the conversation within about 30 seconds, so i don't know how i could possibly ask about a date in that short of a time span. plus i always get the impression that something about me turns them off right away

i don't have a lot of actual dating experience.... i went out on a few dates with a girl a few years ago, but that was during a time when my acne was not very active and in the end she was just leading me on anyway... the only other time i've asked a girl on a date (she seemed interested before hand since she was texting me a lot and touching me when we hung out) i got rejected hard, REALLY hard.... i guess my anxiety might be more of a factor now, because since that experience i just don't even like thinking about asking a girl out, but back then i wasn't really too anxious about that kind of stuff, so i just figured the only thing that could explain it is my looks or something.... who knows


----------



## rymo

illmatic1 said:


> well i asked out another girl today.... i wasnt nervous at all and i just initiated and then my worst fear came true.... she laughed really hard at first and then she said "im engaged".... i didnt know what to do so i made an off humor joke. I was like "well, i wont tell him if u wont" and she actually thought it was funny... i stopped the awkward pause that i was so afraid of... and on a more important note, im not afraid to ask girls out anymore...


----------



## TobeyJuarez

rymo said:


>


lol, thanks rymo... im gonna make it a goal to ask out at least one girl everyday at school


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Trying something new. got this girl to text me, however after three texts, i ignored her last message. I want to see if she will message again


she texted you three times or you texted her three times in a row?

not saying this is what you're doing or what they are doing, but just for the record, most girls don't play mind games. with that said, the main reasons girls don't text back is because they are busy or they are not interested enough, which will eventually lead to them vanishing. no amount of texts will change a girl's mind if they aren't interested. most girls do NOT play mind games, so i'd like to cut that out of existence before we go there (not saying this to zeeshan; just saying this for the record)



illmatic1 said:


> well i asked out another girl today.... i wasnt nervous at all and i just initiated and then my worst fear came true.... she laughed really hard at first and then she said "im engaged".... i didnt know what to do so i made an off humor joke. I was like "well, i wont tell him if u wont" and she actually thought it was funny... i stopped the awkward pause that i was so afraid of... and on a more important note, im not afraid to ask girls out anymore...


****ING BOSS! You did everything right! Great job!

Keep approaching and you'll eventually enjoy flirting with girls and it won't be a big deal to you. The more girls you are like this to, the faster you will find a date! I give you my WORD on that!

It's good you are direct and upfront and light about it. Perfect. Do that with 5+ girls a day (for the days you try) and I think you'll find a date very soon! It's all about volume. It truly is a number's game! But you win if you keep playing!



MrQuiet76 said:


> i have talked to a lot of women, especially in college, but i have a hard time getting to a point where i can really talk about dates or anything because girls don't really seem interested in talking to me unless its just as friends.... the only women who seem to enjoy talking to me are almost always girlfriends of my buddies, who i have no chance with. it seems like they really enjoy talking to me, yet most single women just act weird if i ever approach them.... most of the time if i talk to women these days, they seem to lose interest in the conversation within about 30 seconds, so i don't know how i could possibly ask about a date in that short of a time span. plus i always get the impression that something about me turns them off right away
> 
> i don't have a lot of actual dating experience.... i went out on a few dates with a girl a few years ago, but that was during a time when my acne was not very active and in the end she was just leading me on anyway... the only other time i've asked a girl on a date (she seemed interested before hand since she was texting me a lot and touching me when we hung out) i got rejected hard, REALLY hard.... i guess my anxiety might be more of a factor now, because since that experience i just don't even like thinking about asking a girl out, but back then i wasn't really too anxious about that kind of stuff, so i just figured the only thing that could explain it is my looks or something.... who knows


Getting rejected is normal part of dating for everyone. The problem with a lot of guys who are insecure/unsure/starting out is they assume too much and give up too soon. If you aren't getting rejected then you aren't dating, period! If success is the ying then rejection is the yang. If anything, you will face MORE rejection than success, so you better get used to it!

For now, however, don't assume it's your looks because you have hardly any evidence for that assumption. Also, you are perceiving yourself as weird when you talk to girls. Try not to focus on that. If it helps you, come up with a conversational plan to have with girls you'd like to approach. For example, ask them how their day is going. Respond. Tell them you think they are pretty. Respond. Ask if she'd like to get coffee.......you will find yourself naturally coming up with things to say. Try not to dodge being direct with a girl.

Baby steps. Start small and increase your goals. Stop assuming such negative things. Work VOLUME. You really don't have enough experience to say otherwise.


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> i have talked to a lot of women, especially in college, but i have a hard time getting to a point where i can really talk about dates or anything because girls don't really seem interested in talking to me unless its just as friends.... the only women who seem to enjoy talking to me are almost always girlfriends of my buddies, who i have no chance with. it seems like they really enjoy talking to me, yet most single women just act weird if i ever approach them.... most of the time if i talk to women these days, they seem to lose interest in the conversation within about 30 seconds, so i don't know how i could possibly ask about a date in that short of a time span. plus i always get the impression that something about me turns them off right away
> 
> i don't have a lot of actual dating experience.... i went out on a few dates with a girl a few years ago, but that was during a time when my acne was not very active and in the end she was just leading me on anyway... the only other time i've asked a girl on a date (she seemed interested before hand since she was texting me a lot and touching me when we hung out) i got rejected hard, REALLY hard.... i guess my anxiety might be more of a factor now, because since that experience i just don't even like thinking about asking a girl out, but back then i wasn't really too anxious about that kind of stuff, so i just figured the only thing that could explain it is my looks or something.... who knows


What kinds of things do you talk to these girls about? If you're talking to a girl who you want to date, there's a world of difference between mentioning the weather versus telling her you think she's cute and she looks like an adventurous type of girl. In other words, boring conversation versus challenging and exciting conversation that can lead to even more interesting conversation(s). If you are lacking in things to say or you don't think you can hold a girl's attention, you have to learn to do so. And yes, it can be learned. And no, it does not mean changing your personality. And yes, you can do it. And...and...and...once you learn how to spice up the conversation, flirting will come naturally.

Some of the biggest things that helped me in conversation with women are:

*1. Don't laugh at everything she says*
I have a huge problem with this, even now, but not too long ago it was absolutely out of control. I would laugh at everything and anything ANYONE would say because I would get nervous and decide to laugh as opposed to coming up with something to say. It was a lot less pressure than using my brain, but I came off as personality-less. With females specifically, a lot of guys think that a girl will like them if they laugh at their jokes even when they're bad or act super over-the-top nice the whole time. This leads into the whole not being a doormat thing as well. Take the reins.

*2. Mix it up*
A natural extension of #1, don't always be too nice or too sarcastic or too serious or too jokey all the time. Mixing up these different approaches is exciting to a girl. It makes you come off as more mysterious, confident, and multi-dimensional (i.e. interesting!). If you can, for example, talk about astronomy one minute and then jokingly poke fun at something silly she said the next, you're doing it right.

*3. Be brave. Be bold.*
Don't be afraid to ask for a number, ask a girl out, make physical contact, or say slightly off-beat things. As long as you say or do these things while believing in yourself you will come off in a positive light. If one of these things does happen to evoke a negative response, stay calm, take it down a notch, and proceed again. The worst possible thing you can do is to apologize for being YOU. If the girl sees that you aren't afraid to be yourself and say what YOU want to say without pandering to every challenge she may throw at you (subconsciously or otherwise), she will be attracted to you. #3 is all about becoming comfortable with rejection and believing in yourself, so naturally with SA it is the hardest thing to get down. Unfortunately, it's also the most important.

That's about it. The biggest thing here is that just like training for a 5k or learning to dunk, talking to girls takes practice. Some guys who have never been good at talking to girls think that it's a problem with society, the girls themselves, or some other mysterious force (i.e. "I'm a hideous monster!"). But the fact is, if you practice it you WILL get better. You will learn what works and what doesn't work. At first you'll have to actively think about the things I listed when you're talking to girls. You'll be a bit slower and less natural in your interactions. But it becomes easier over time, and eventually it becomes a natural extension of your own personality.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

bwidger85 said:


> ****ING BOSS! You did everything right! Great job!
> 
> Keep approaching and you'll eventually enjoy flirting with girls and it won't be a big deal to you. The more girls you are like this to, the faster you will find a date! I give you my WORD on that!
> 
> It's good you are direct and upfront and light about it. Perfect. Do that with 5+ girls a day (for the days you try) and I think you'll find a date very soon! It's all about volume. It truly is a number's game! But you win if you keep playing!
> 
> Getting rejected is normal part of dating for everyone. The problem with a lot of guys who are insecure/unsure/starting out is they assume too much and give up too soon. If you aren't getting rejected then you aren't dating, period! If success is the ying then rejection is the yang. If anything, you will face MORE rejection than success, so you better get used to it!


thanks bro... i think 5 a day is too much, no?...


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> thanks bro... i think 5 a day is too much, no?...


scratch what i said.

just keep approaching girls. if you find you aren't getting dates then come back here and ask questions. but so far, you are doing everything right. i'd increase the number of times you do it a day though.


----------



## bsd3355

so i just came back from the convenient store by my house. there is a cute girl who works there and i was gonna say she's cute and ask for her number but this dude threw me off who was standing there talking to her (he knew her obviously). so i left and went back 30 minutes later and she was gone  replaced by another girl. maybe i'll try it again next time i see her and this time do it regardless if anyone is around.

the more i approach the more it feels exciting to do so. i could of never done this kind of thing in the past. this used to be hard for me to do. it felt exciting this time


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> scratch what i said.
> 
> just keep approaching girls. if you find you aren't getting dates then come back here and ask questions. but so far, you are doing everything right. i'd increase the number of times you do it a day though.


I would disagree slightly and say that you should approach as many girls as you feel is sufficient. Some feel that in order to learn how to properly attract girls and to establish a sufficient dating life, you need to approach X amount of girls. Others feel that Y is better. The actual number doesn't really matter. In fact as long as you are happy with yourself. your level of confidence, and your dating life, you don't have to approach with any sense of urgency at all.

That being said, as a young stud who is feeling like a boss right now, I would agree that illmatic it would benefit you to ride this wave as much as possible and do exactly what you're saying. Talk to dem girls. Talk to dem girls.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

bwidger85 said:


> scratch what i said.
> 
> just keep approaching girls. if you find you aren't getting dates then come back here and ask questions. but so far, you are doing everything right. i'd increase the number of times you do it a day though.


ok


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I would disagree slightly and say that you should approach as many girls as you feel is sufficient. Some feel that in order to learn how to properly attract girls and to establish a sufficient dating life, you need to approach X amount of girls. Others feel that Y is better. * The actual number doesn't really matter. In fact as long as you are happy with yourself. your level of confidence, and your dating life, you don't have to approach with any sense of urgency at all.
> *
> That being said, as a young stud who is feeling like a boss right now, I would agree that illmatic it would benefit you to ride this wave as much as possible and do exactly what you're saying. Talk to dem girls. Talk to dem girls.


Right. The number doesn't matter if you are meeting your dating standard, but if you aren't then increasing the number of girls you talk to usually helps, a lot. If you are satisfied with where you are then there is no need to change it, that I agree. But if you aren't satisfied then change is what is needed.

****, for all i know illmatic can approach 1 or 2 girls a week and find a girlfriend easily. that all depends. just experiment and keep talking to girls and asking for numbers and dates and if you hit a wall then come back here and we'll talk.

EDIT*
Bolded text for words of truth


----------



## TobeyJuarez

rymo said:


> I would disagree slightly and say that you should approach as many girls as you feel is sufficient. Some feel that in order to learn how to properly attract girls and to establish a sufficient dating life, you need to approach X amount of girls. Others feel that Y is better. The actual number doesn't really matter. In fact as long as you are happy with yourself. your level of confidence, and your dating life, you don't have to approach with any sense of urgency at all.
> 
> That being said, as a young stud who is feeling like a boss right now, I would agree that illmatic it would benefit you to ride this wave as much as possible and do exactly what you're saying. Talk to dem girls. Talk to dem girls.


well i think i figured out my problem... up until recently i was only asking out girls i developed crushes on, and those were the only girls i would talk to, so when i would talk to these girls i would get nervous and that put the thought in my head that i didnt know how to talk to girls.... i think my recent successes have been because i just started asking out girls that i thought were attractive that i ran across through out my day but i had never met before and would likely never meet again... that way theres no pressure or disappointment if they say no cause im not going to see them agian... so now i dont worry about gettting "no" from girls cause its not nearly as important to me if they say "yes" and thus i appear uch more confident and get alot more yeses

Edit: I have one more q to ask... theres this girl that i was dating and i was talking to her today and she kinda tried to get me to ask her to do something this weekend (i can still call her tmmrw and schedule something)... shes a nice girl and we get along pretty well even though we dont have alot im common but im not like super attracted to her (even though she has really nice legs)...im kinda not really sure if i should keep dating her cause im afraid that i might hurt her feelings if i keep dating her and then find someone i like more than her... what do u think i should do about that?


----------



## rymo

illmatic1 said:


> well i think i figured out my problem... up until recently i was only asking out girls i developed crushes on, and those were the only girls i would talk to, so when i would talk to these girls i would get nervous and that put the thought in my head that i didnt know how to talk to girls.... i think my recent successes have been because i just started asking out girls that i thought were attractive that i ran across through out my day but i had never met before and would likely never meet again... that way theres no pressure or disappointment if they say no cause im not going to see them agian... so now i dont worry about gettting "no" from girls cause its not nearly as important to me if they say "yes"


Exactly. Getting a crush on a girl from afar and waiting and waiting and waiting to talk to her or ask her out is the best way for anyone to get their self-esteem crushed upon the possible and likely rejection. I had a crush on a girl from age 17 to age 22. How bad is that? Obviously that didn't end well, and because it went on for so long, I still pined away for her for years even after I got the inevitable rejection at about age 19.


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> Edit: I have one more q to ask... theres this girl that i was dating and i was talking to her today and she kinda tried to get me to ask her to do something this weekend (i can still call her tmmrw and schedule something)... shes a nice girl and we get along pretty well even though we dont have alot im common but im not like super attracted to her (even though she has really nice legs)...im kinda not really sure if i should keep dating her cause im afraid that i might hurt her feelings if i keep dating her and then find someone i like more than her... what do u think i should do about that?


if you don't want to keep dating her then don't. that's up for you to decide.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

bwidger85 said:


> if you don't want to keep dating her then don't. that's up for you to decide.


well yeah i know, but just pretend it was you in my situation.... what would u do and why? im just trying to get another perspective on the situation cause i feel very unsure at this point


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> well yeah i know, but just pretend it was you in my situation.... what would u do and why?


if it was me i just wouldn't ask her out on another date if i didn't like her. if she asks you out on a date then use your own course of action to do what you feel is best. i can't answer that for you, and you should be able to figure it out. if all else fails make something up or say you found someone else or that you aren't looking for anything serious or you aren't looking to date. there are million of things you can say


----------



## nullptr

Inventing telepathy to communicate I like her without actually having to talk. jk I'm not rich enough.


----------



## ShadyGFX

I got some rope and a net.


----------



## nullptr

ShadyGFX said:


> I got some rope and a net.


seems more plausible, gotta catch 'em all.


----------



## ShadyGFX

galacticsenator said:


> seems more plausible, gotta catch 'em all.











Hell yeh.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

ShadyGFX said:


> Hell yeh.


O.O


----------



## AvBaSoT

illmatic1 said:


> well i asked out another girl today.... i wasnt nervous at all and i just initiated and then my worst fear came true.... she laughed really hard at first and then she said "im engaged".... i didnt know what to do so i made an off humor joke. I was like "well, i wont tell him if u wont" and she actually thought it was funny... i stopped the awkward pause that i was so afraid of... and on a more important note, im not afraid to ask girls out anymore...


Good for you man! Keep doing it and you'll get numb to asking girls out.

I don't have any problem asking girls out myself but its hard for me in the winter because I don't feel I have the personality to go on dates because of Seasonal Affective Disorder.


----------



## rymo

^ Absolutely....I am in such a much better place in every way than I was this past summer and yet I still feel like **** compared to then. God I hate the winter. Retiring to an island for sure.


----------



## AvBaSoT

Oh man, so I was talking to this girl in the waiting room of my doctors office. We were hitting it off a little and I was making her laugh a lot. Then out of nowhere, SHE asked me out! :clap

I couldn't believe it. That's only happened before like twice in my life. We're getting dinner this weekend.


----------



## bsd3355

AvBaSoT said:


> Oh man, so I was talking to this girl in the waiting room of my doctors office. We were hitting it off a little and I was making her laugh a lot. Then out of nowhere, SHE asked me out! :clap
> 
> I couldn't believe it. That's only happened before like twice in my life. We're getting dinner this weekend.


Nice dude!

You didn't even have to use chloroform or anything! :clap


----------



## Zeeshan

Yes

Amazing I asked put this girl but she said she has an ear infection. Don't know if excuse or real


----------



## TobeyJuarez

i asked the girl who made my sandwich(not a joke) at jersey mikes out today... she said that she was already "kinda" seeing some else, then blushed laughed and then told me her name and shook my hand.... i dont really know what to make of that but i took it in stride and walked out smiling (im not really sure why considering i got rejected lol)... should i try again with her? cause she seemed kinda shy and it caught her off guard and she may have just been shocked that i asked her out at such a weird time/way in the middle of her workplace lol... and she turned bright red like cherry red... if not i might hit the mall this weekend or something like that... but yet agian... i was left unphsed by rejection... i wish i knew more places to ask girls now cause now i feel like i can handle the rejection

Edit: its kinda weird... actually in the moment i just feel happy for being able to muster up the courage to ask, but now that ive started thinking back on the fact that she said no i feel a little sad


----------



## TobeyJuarez

bwidger85 said:


> Nice dude!
> 
> You didn't even have to use chloroform or anything! :clap


wait, i thought using chloroform was standard courting procedure :um ... i think ive been doing it wrong lol


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> i asked the girl who made my sandwich(not a joke) at jersey mikes out today... she said that she was already "kinda" seeing some else, then blushed laughed and then told me her name and shook my hand.... i dont really know what to make of that but i took it in stride and walked out smiling (im not really sure why considering i got rejected lol)... should i try again with her? cause she seemed kinda shy and it caught her off guard and she may have just been shocked that i asked her out at such a weird time/way in the middle of her workplace lol... and she turned bright red like cherry red... if not i might hit the mall this weekend or something like that... but yet agian... i was left unphsed by rejection... i wish i knew more places to ask girls now cause now i feel like i can handle the rejection
> 
> Edit: its kinda weird... actually in the moment i just feel happy for being able to muster up the courage to ask, but now that ive started thinking back on the fact that she said no i feel a little sad


Why feel sad? It's guaranteed you meet a girl you like if you keep trying.

Side note:
So i had sex with korean girl which is weird considering she was shy to kiss me at first


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Why feel sad? It's guaranteed you meet a girl you like if you keep trying.
> 
> Side note:
> So i had sex with korean girl which is weird considering she was shy to kiss me at first


Omg how did that go?


----------



## TobeyJuarez

bwidger85 said:


> Why feel sad? It's guaranteed you meet a girl you like if you keep trying.
> 
> Side note:
> So i had sex with korean girl which is weird considering she was shy to kiss me at first


i dont know, im not trying to feel sad... i just am... ill get over it though


----------



## nullptr

illmatic1 said:


> i dont know, im not trying to feel sad... i just am... ill get over it though


That's more than I've ever done. That's amazing.


----------



## rymo

illmatic1 said:


> i dont know, im not trying to feel sad... i just am... ill get over it though


Hey man. You're just experiencing the normal approach blues. One minute you feel like you can ask out every girl you see, and then all of a sudden one rejection can throw you for a loop. You're not always going to feel invincible. It's impossible. But the more you do this, the easier and more quickly you'll be able to bounce back mentally, to the point that even when you feel the sting of rejection it will be such a fleeting feeling you almost won't even notice it.

Just look at it as an investment. You're investing with your ego and emotions in the short-term, but in the long-term you will gain experience, character, and confidence.

As for the girl in question. She blushed, she was smiling/laughing - if the girl is still having a good time, it doesn't matter if she says she's seeing someone. You keep the interaction going and get her number regardless. 95% of the time, smiling/laughing = keep going. In this case, if she's behind the counter, it's not like you have a ton of time to chat her up. But you could have said something like, "hey listen, I totally respect that, but I think you're a cool chick so let me get your number anyway and at the very least we can be friends." And then later on you can lay on the charm via text and see what happens. If she gives you her # regardless, it means she's likely interested, whether or not she's seeing someone.

I would go for it again. But don't fall down the trap of focusing on one girl too much. If you still don't get the #, just move on to the next one. The more girls you talk to the less a rejection will hurt.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

rymo said:


> Hey man. You're just experiencing the normal approach blues. One minute you feel like you can ask out every girl you see, and then all of a sudden one rejection can throw you for a loop. You're not always going to feel invincible. It's impossible. But the more you do this, the easier and more quickly you'll be able to bounce back mentally, to the point that even when you feel the sting of rejection it will be such a fleeting feeling you almost won't even notice it.
> 
> Just look at it as an investment. You're investing with your ego and emotions in the short-term, but in the long-term you will gain experience, character, and confidence.
> 
> As for the girl in question. She blushed, she was smiling/laughing - if the girl is still having a good time, it doesn't matter if she says she's seeing someone. You keep the interaction going and get her number regardless. 95% of the time, smiling/laughing = keep going. In this case, if she's behind the counter, it's not like you have a ton of time to chat her up. But you could have said something like, "hey listen, I totally respect that, but I think you're a cool chick so let me get your number anyway and at the very least we can be friends." And then later on you can lay on the charm via text and see what happens. If she gives you her # regardless, it means she's likely interested, whether or not she's seeing someone.
> 
> I would go for it again. But don't fall down the trap of focusing on one girl too much. If you still don't get the #, just move on to the next one. The more girls you talk to the less a rejection will hurt.


ok, ill give it a shot... she actually reached over the counter to shake my hand if that makes a difference... i think im gonna still try and ask out two more girls by the end of the week


----------



## TobeyJuarez

galacticsenator said:


> That's more than I've ever done. That's amazing.


thanks man


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Omg how did that go?


I basically invited her over for another movie and I went for it all the way and after initial resistance it just happened.

For the record, I don't feel any better or worse that it happened. There was no special feeling I got after it happened, and if there was it'd be tied to the ego, which is stupid in itself. I went for it all the way because it was more a "goal" of mine, and because of that, I feel like it wasn't anything special. Sex definitely isn't everything.

For those of you guys who want a girlfriend or to get laid, it's all just a number's game. If you can combine losing your ego with playing the number's game then you will find what you are looking for. If you try to go out and meet girls and feel bad after getting rejected, even numerously, and you allow that to affect you, then you are not really seeing the possibilities if you keep going. So try to detach from rejection. It's not a big deal, and if you keep with it I don't see a reason why you can't meet someone you like who likes you back.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing. I find very difficult to get one.


----------



## Zeeshan

illmatic1 said:


> i asked the girl who made my sandwich(not a joke) at jersey mikes out today... she said that she was already "kinda" seeing some else, then blushed laughed and then told me her name and shook my hand.... i dont really know what to make of that but i took it in stride and walked out smiling (im not really sure why considering i got rejected lol)... should i try again with her? cause she seemed kinda shy and it caught her off guard and she may have just been shocked that i asked her out at such a weird time/way in the middle of her workplace lol... and she turned bright red like cherry red... if not i might hit the mall this weekend or something like that... but yet agian... i was left unphsed by rejection... i wish i knew more places to ask girls now cause now i feel like i can handle the rejection
> 
> Edit: its kinda weird... actually in the moment i just feel happy for being able to muster up the courage to ask, but now that ive started thinking back on the fact that she said no i feel a little sad


Because it s a step in the right direction. Anytime you do something your afraid or ashamed to do you gain courage


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I basically invited her over for another movie and I went for it all the way and after initial resistance it just happened.
> 
> For the record, I don't feel any better or worse that it happened. There was no special feeling I got after it happened, and if there was it'd be tied to the ego, which is stupid in itself. I went for it all the way because it was more a "goal" of mine, and because of that, I feel like it wasn't anything special. Sex definitely isn't everything.
> 
> For those of you guys who want a girlfriend or to get laid, it's all just a number's game. If you can combine losing your ego with playing the number's game then you will find what you are looking for. If you try to go out and meet girls and feel bad after getting rejected, even numerously, and you allow that to affect you, then you are not really seeing the possibilities if you keep going. So try to detach from rejection. It's not a big deal, and if you keep with it I don't see a reason why you can't meet someone you like who likes you back.


I think you should persue a long term relationship with her. It could be good for you


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I think you should persue a long term relationship with her. It could be good for you


What are you basing this on? He didn't tell us anything about the girl except that she was shy at first, and now he should be in a relationship with her? How do you know he sees future potential in her? You act like he should get into a relationship with her and then break up with her at some point, all because it would benefit him in some way. Why not just continue dating multiple girls if that's the case?!??!! Man people are so flippant about relationships.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> What are you basing this on? He didn't tell us anything about the girl except that she was shy at first, and now he should be in a relationship with her? How do you know he sees future potential in her? You act like he should get into a relationship with her and then break up with her at some point, all because it would benefit him in some way. Why not just continue dating multiple girls if that's the case?!??!! Man people are so flippant about relationships.


On the fact that he is looking for a girl not a bunch of girl hence this thread

Perhaps the reason that my comment angered you is surrounding your own issues


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> On the fact that he is looking for a girl not a bunch of girl hence this thread
> 
> Perhaps the reason that my comment angered you is surrounding your own issues


No, actually I just didn't understand where you were coming from. This thread is not about getting a relationship, specifically, but my bad - I didn't know bwidger was intently searching for one. Regardless, you shouldn't just jump into a relationship with anyone. If he said this girl was amazing, his perfect type, awesome in every way, or something like that, then I would be more inclined to agree....but he's given no indication that he feels that way.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> No, actually I just didn't understand where you were coming from. This thread is not about getting a relationship, specifically, but my bad - I didn't know bwidger was intently searching for one. Regardless, you shouldn't just jump into a relationship with anyone. If he said this girl was amazing, his perfect type, awesome in every way, or something like that, then I would be more inclined to agree....but he's given no indication that he feels that way.


I'm not really looking for a relationship at the moment unless I meet a girl that I_ really_ like. My ex was someone who I couldn't help but admire and I remember two weeks into dating her I knew if I kept seeing her I'd develop feelings for her, hence the reason I tried to break it off when I first started dating her because I didn't want that to happen at first. I still have large amounts of respect for that girl and we are still friends. The korean girl hasn't had the same affect on me. Regardless, I'm not specifically looking for a relationship at the moment. I've never been able to really date at the level I am now so I'm exploring right now tbh. It took me a long time (all my life) to mentally get where I am now and I feel like I should explore more since I finally got here.

Also, just because two people have sex, it doesn't mean a relationship. And women aren't that much different than men in the sense that some of them don't want relationships either. I haven't had any inclination this girl is pursuing anything serious.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

ive changed my mind i prefer not to do anything because im enjoying my freedom


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Hey man. You're just experiencing the normal approach blues. One minute you feel like you can ask out every girl you see, and then all of a sudden one rejection can throw you for a loop. You're not always going to feel invincible. It's impossible. But the more you do this, the easier and more quickly you'll be able to bounce back mentally, to the point that even when you feel the sting of rejection it will be such a fleeting feeling you almost won't even notice it.
> 
> Just look at it as an investment. You're investing with your ego and emotions in the short-term, but in the long-term you will gain experience, character, and confidence.
> 
> As for the girl in question. She blushed, she was smiling/laughing - if the girl is still having a good time, it doesn't matter if she says she's seeing someone. You keep the interaction going and get her number regardless. 95% of the time, smiling/laughing = keep going. In this case, if she's behind the counter, it's not like you have a ton of time to chat her up. But you could have said something like, "hey listen, I totally respect that, but I think you're a cool chick so let me get your number anyway and at the very least we can be friends." And then later on you can lay on the charm via text and see what happens. If she gives you her # regardless, it means she's likely interested, whether or not she's seeing someone.
> 
> I would go for it again. But don't fall down the trap of focusing on one girl too much. If you still don't get the #, just move on to the next one. The more girls you talk to the less a rejection will hurt.


All true words :b


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> ok, ill give it a shot... she actually reached over the counter to shake my hand if that makes a difference... i think im gonna still try and ask out two more girls by the end of the week


Yeah, keep going, and while you may want to focus on conversation, make sure to ask for her number or a date if you want it to go somewhere. Overall, just be friendly and cool/normal and you'll present yourself in the best light. No need to act macho because that looks insecure. Keep it up and I'm sure you'll be on a date soon

I like rymo's quote on asking for her number. Say something like that. Remember, rejection is bound to happen, so even if she says no you are doing EXACTLY what you need to do! Don't let rejection surprise you. Come to terms with the fact that is part of the process and keep your mind hopeful and confident knowing it's only a matter of time. Eventually, a girl will say yes!


----------



## bsd3355

Looks like a got a second date with the girl from POF who I met up last week. This girl I was really excited afterwards so I'm super happy she's hanging out tonight! I asked if she'd like to go to the bar for drinks again and later watch a movie. I'm super broke though because I bought a used camaro with my tax return yesterday so i'll be a cheap ******* for a while

She could still cancel though. I've learned not to always assume it's on until it's been shown to me enough times by the same girl


----------



## Zeeshan

So what do you guys do when a girl doesn't text back? Just forget it


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So what do you guys do when a girl doesn't text back? Just forget it


Depends on a lot of things; too much to write, really. I'd give better feedback if you gave more information concerning your situation.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Depends on a lot of things; too much to write, really. I'd give better feedback if you gave more information concerning your situation.


Forget it I wasn't that attracted to her ablnyways


----------



## AngelClare

rymo said:


> As for the girl in question. She blushed, she was smiling/laughing - if the girl is still having a good time, it doesn't matter if she says she's seeing someone. You keep the interaction going and get her number regardless. 95% of the time, smiling/laughing = keep going.


Why pursue someone who says they're in a relationship? Either she is not involved and lied because she's not into you or she is in a relationship and is a cheater who will one day just cheat on you. It's a lose lose situation. Never get involved with a girl who has a history of cheating.


----------



## rymo

AngelClare said:


> Why pursue someone who says they're in a relationship? Either she is not involved and lied because she's not into you or she is in a relationship and is a cheater who will one day just cheat on you. It's a lose lose situation. Never get involved with a girl who has a history of cheating.


Because "'kinda' seeing some else" doesn't imply exclusivity, asking girls out regardless of the situation is just downright solid experience, illmatic never specifically said he was searching for a relationship, and there is nothing to say that girl has a history of cheating.


----------



## AngelClare

rymo said:


> Because "'kinda' seeing some else" doesn't imply exclusivity, asking girls out regardless of the situation is just downright solid experience, illmatic never specifically said he was searching for a relationship, and there is nothing to say that girl has a history of cheating.


Why would she even bring it up if she was free to date?

I just hate when guys hit on my gf or wife even after she told them she's involved. I wasn't there but I hear the stories later. I think guys need to have some respect for other guys. If a girl says she's involved move on.


----------



## rymo

AngelClare said:


> Why would she even bring it up if she was free to date?
> 
> I just hate when guys hit on my gf or wife even after she told them she's involved. I wasn't there but I hear the stories later. I think guys need to have some respect for other guys. If a girl says she's involved move on.


She's shy, she's playing hard to get, she doesn't like him (though her blushing says otherwise), who knows? There could be a million reasons. Again, she didn't say she had a boyfriend, she just said she was kinda seeing someone. That clearly doesn't mean serious boyfriend. It's just dating.

And that's sweet that you think guys should have respect for other random guys they don't know (hell, I wouldn't want guys hitting on my future wife), but that's a dream that will never come to fruition. Best thing to do is to just find someone trustworthy, keep her happy, and hope for the best.


----------



## bsd3355

AngelClare said:


> Why would she even bring it up if she was free to date?
> 
> I just hate when guys hit on my gf or wife even after she told them she's involved. I wasn't there but I hear the stories later. I think guys need to have some respect for other guys. If a girl says she's involved move on.


I don't mess with married girls. Girls with boyfriends I usually don't hit on after they tell me UNLESS it is clear she is on the downward slopes with her relationship and she's just in it for the hell of it. If she is, then she's probably looking for a way out anyway. I hardly never know about a girl's relationship with her boyfriend though unless I have background information before I hit on her, so it's rare that I continue to hit on a girl who's about to break up because I usually don't know unless she states it in her actions or body language. To be honest though, if she's heavily flirting with me AND she has a boyfriend then it's obvious to me she doesn't take her relationship seriously and was bound to cheat anyway, so I'd go after it and figure her as a cheater basically, because she is--not saying I'd pursue a relationship unless I knew her more though. Any girl that is willing to flirt and ALLOWs/wants a guy to advance on her is bound to cheat because she wants to cheat; whereas, a girl who doesn't want to cheat will not allow it unless the guy is a scumbag and pushes regardless putting her in a compromising position to cheat (it happens, but I would assume not a common thing--not my bag of tea anyway). For the most part, I stay clear though because I think it's wrong and I wouldn't do it unless I was confident the girl was looking to cheat anyway, but I would not put her in a compromising position.


----------



## phoenixwright

I just saw a dweeby middle-class (therefore not rich) Asian guy with a gorgeous wife who is 100% my type (shes not Asian in case you are wondering. She's white). There is hope! lol.


----------



## TheaterofHope

*Doing my physics/chem/calc work!*


----------



## bsd3355

That one girl I hung out with saturday from pof (our 2nd date), we had drinks at a bar and then went back to my place to watch a movie where I kissed her and all that jazz but nothing else. I don't feel like she's that interested though as she is selective with texts so I don't see it lasting very long. I just have that feeling.

Another girl from POF said she's free to hang out wednesday but she wants to bring her roommates for "safety" reasons. Saftey reasons for coffee!? I mean, what does she think I'm going to do? Rape her at starbucks in the afternoon!? I'll pass on her. I find that insulting actually. They say guys are weird on POF but girls can be just as weird in their own ways. It's not like I invited her to meet me behind a dumpster at 2am or anything. Honestly, it kind of pissed me off when I read she wanted to bring her friends for safety reasons. I was already frustrated today with other crap as it was. ugh

A japanese girl I approached a couple weeks ago wants to meet up for coffee wednesday anyways, but i'm not really excited to go tbh.

One other girl I met off POF (31 years old) says she's free on saturday but i'm prob not going to go. she's another selective texter. i'm not really that interested.

all the other numbers i had all flaked.


----------



## AvBaSoT

I can't believe what happened to me today. I was at a coffee shop and was sitting next to one the hottest chicks I've ever seen. She was sitting there just studying by herself. I was so intimidated by her but I managed up the courage to say something stupid/funny which made her laugh. Then we ended up getting into a conversation for an hour which is usually something I can never do (thank you Starbucks triple shot espresso!!). 

I usually don't ask for the number unless I'm 99.999% sure the girl likes me, but I manned the **** up just did it. And yes....she gave it to me. :boogie I'm taking her to hockey game this week! My confidence is through the ***ing roof right now!

So let this be lesson for you guys. I was deathly scared of asking for a girls number, especially in winter when I feel like crap. But now that I did it, I have the confidence to do it over and over again. You just need to get over that initial hump. You might get rejected but so what? Nobody is going to beat you up. Nobody is going laugh at you. Nothing bad will happen. Just do it!


----------



## rymo

AvBaSoT said:


> I can't believe what happened to me today. I was at a coffee shop and was sitting next to one the hottest chicks I've ever seen. She was sitting there just studying by herself. I was so intimidated by her but I managed up the courage to say something stupid/funny which made her laugh. Then we ended up getting into a conversation for an hour which is usually something I can never do (thank you Starbucks triple shot espresso!!).
> 
> I usually don't ask for the number unless I'm 99.999% sure the girl likes me, but I manned the **** up just did it. And yes....she gave it to me. :boogie I'm taking her to hockey game this week! My confidence is through the ***ing roof right now!
> 
> So let this be lesson for you guys. I was deathly scared of asking for a girls number, especially in winter when I feel like crap. But now that I did it, I have the confidence to do it over and over again. You just need to get over that initial hump. You might get rejected but so what? Nobody is going to beat you up. Nobody is going laugh at you. Nothing bad will happen. Just do it!


wooohooo good job man!


----------



## WannabeDifferent

42


----------



## Zeeshan

AvBaSoT said:


> I can't believe what happened to me today. I was at a coffee shop and was sitting next to one the hottest chicks I've ever seen. She was sitting there just studying by herself. I was so intimidated by her but I managed up the courage to say something stupid/funny which made her laugh. Then we ended up getting into a conversation for an hour which is usually something I can never do (thank you Starbucks triple shot espresso!!).
> 
> I usually don't ask for the number unless I'm 99.999% sure the girl likes me, but I manned the **** up just did it. And yes....she gave it to me. :boogie I'm taking her to hockey game this week! My confidence is through the ***ing roof right now!
> 
> So let this be lesson for you guys. I was deathly scared of asking for a girls number, especially in winter when I feel like crap. But now that I did it, I have the confidence to do it over and over again. You just need to get over that initial hump. You might get rejected but so what? Nobody is going to beat you up. Nobody is going laugh at you. Nothing bad will happen. Just do it!


amazing stuff this!!!!!


----------



## bsd3355

AvBaSoT said:


> I can't believe what happened to me today. I was at a coffee shop and was sitting next to one the hottest chicks I've ever seen. She was sitting there just studying by herself. I was so intimidated by her but I managed up the courage to say something stupid/funny which made her laugh. Then we ended up getting into a conversation for an hour which is usually something I can never do (thank you Starbucks triple shot espresso!!).
> 
> I usually don't ask for the number unless I'm 99.999% sure the girl likes me, but I manned the **** up just did it. And yes....she gave it to me. :boogie I'm taking her to hockey game this week! My confidence is through the ***ing roof right now!
> 
> So let this be lesson for you guys. I was deathly scared of asking for a girls number, especially in winter when I feel like crap. But now that I did it, I have the confidence to do it over and over again. You just need to get over that initial hump. You might get rejected but so what? Nobody is going to beat you up. Nobody is going laugh at you. Nothing bad will happen. Just do it!


Good job!

Yes, rejection means little. That's the right attitude to have!

Looking back now, it's strange to think how rejection used to bother me so much. There is something I can personally learn from this, and I think it has to do with believing that beyond rejection is success if you keep going. Before that understanding, I viewed rejection as much harsher. Something about realizing rejection as part of the process to success is liberating for me; it's freed me from a lot of anxieties related to meeting and dating women.


----------



## Brandeezy

I officially know now that the co-worker I have a crush on is in an relationship. Glad I didn't move in and do something stupid but I have a POF trick for you guys. You know the women have an "flirt" option right that bascially sends you a message like this "Hello ______, _______ has expressed interest in you! (This is a flirt option for women)" well all you have to do is copy and paste this in a message to a girl you find attractive, change the word women to men and add both of you guys POF names. I haven't tried it yet but I saw someone do it on another site and he got a pretty good response rate. Good Luck


----------



## O Range

I am trying to be a little less of a puss about asking a girl out.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I officially know now that the co-worker I have a crush on is in an relationship. Glad I didn't move in and do something stupid but I have a POF trick for you guys. You know the women have an "flirt" option right that bascially sends you a message like this "Hello ______, _______ has expressed interest in you! (This is a flirt option for women)" well all you have to do is copy and paste this in a message to a girl you find attractive, change the word women to men and add both of you guys POF names. I haven't tried it yet but I saw someone do it on another site and he got a pretty good response rate. Good Luck


why are you glad you didnt make a move. What would have happend? Even if she was in a relationship and you did make a move she would have been flattered, its not like you would have been scolded.

There is nothing wrong with letting a girl who is a relationship know that you are interested in her, She might be in 1 today, and out of it tom morrow. If she knows you are interested, she will let you know when she is single again.

As for the POF thing, i haven't really thought about it. doesn't seem like it would fool anyone. I have had very attractive girls, click meet me on me, and then never answer my messages. Has happened more then a few times actually,


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> What kinds of things do you talk to these girls about? If you're talking to a girl who you want to date, there's a world of difference between mentioning the weather versus telling her you think she's cute and she looks like an adventurous type of girl. In other words, boring conversation versus challenging and exciting conversation that can lead to even more interesting conversation(s). If you are lacking in things to say or you don't think you can hold a girl's attention, you have to learn to do so. And yes, it can be learned. And no, it does not mean changing your personality. And yes, you can do it. And...and...and...once you learn how to spice up the conversation, flirting will come naturally.
> 
> Some of the biggest things that helped me in conversation with women are:
> 
> *1. Don't laugh at everything she says*
> I have a huge problem with this, even now, but not too long ago it was absolutely out of control. I would laugh at everything and anything ANYONE would say because I would get nervous and decide to laugh as opposed to coming up with something to say. It was a lot less pressure than using my brain, but I came off as personality-less. With females specifically, a lot of guys think that a girl will like them if they laugh at their jokes even when they're bad or act super over-the-top nice the whole time. This leads into the whole not being a doormat thing as well. Take the reins.
> 
> *2. Mix it up*
> A natural extension of #1, don't always be too nice or too sarcastic or too serious or too jokey all the time. Mixing up these different approaches is exciting to a girl. It makes you come off as more mysterious, confident, and multi-dimensional (i.e. interesting!). If you can, for example, talk about astronomy one minute and then jokingly poke fun at something silly she said the next, you're doing it right.
> 
> *3. Be brave. Be bold.*
> Don't be afraid to ask for a number, ask a girl out, make physical contact, or say slightly off-beat things. As long as you say or do these things while believing in yourself you will come off in a positive light. If one of these things does happen to evoke a negative response, stay calm, take it down a notch, and proceed again. The worst possible thing you can do is to apologize for being YOU. If the girl sees that you aren't afraid to be yourself and say what YOU want to say without pandering to every challenge she may throw at you (subconsciously or otherwise), she will be attracted to you. #3 is all about becoming comfortable with rejection and believing in yourself, so naturally with SA it is the hardest thing to get down. Unfortunately, it's also the most important.
> 
> That's about it. The biggest thing here is that just like training for a 5k or learning to dunk, talking to girls takes practice. Some guys who have never been good at talking to girls think that it's a problem with society, the girls themselves, or some other mysterious force (i.e. "I'm a hideous monster!"). But the fact is, if you practice it you WILL get better. You will learn what works and what doesn't work. At first you'll have to actively think about the things I listed when you're talking to girls. You'll be a bit slower and less natural in your interactions. But it becomes easier over time, and eventually it becomes a natural extension of your own personality.


rymo, sorry i didn't respond to this post earlier, I haven't checked this thread out in a while cause I was getting myself so psyched out about the women issues lol. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks for taking the time to type up some great advice like this and for the confidence booster. I've never really gotten any dating advice in my life so this was really helpful. And I wanted to apologize in case I seemed rude in my previous posts... I was just so frustrated about everything that I always tend to put my foot in my mouth when I'm in that kind of mindset.

I do have some kinda good news though! Last night I was hanging out with one of my good buddies at his place. There was a woman there who he had kinda been seeing but was in the process of breaking up with or whatever you'd call it.... anyway, she is very attractive but since she was "seeing" my friend, I didn't really consider trying to flirt with her or anything. However, sometimes that works out well for me because my anxiety with women only gets bad when I'm trying to talk to a woman who I find attractive AND feel like I have a chance with (if that makes any sense). Basically, I didn't feel any pressure talking to her since I knew she had been seeing my buddy and didn't feel like I had a chance with her. Because of that I was completely being myself, just saying whatever came to my mind and not overthinking things to death for once and I could tell she was enjoying talking to me! She was smiling and laughing a lot, and we engaged in conversation for quite a while.

Later, we met some other people and went to the bar and that's where things got really good. Everybody kinda split up and mingled around once we got there, so I was kinda anxious about that at first but I decided to go over and check the dance floor out. Believe it or not, despite my SA, dancing is just one of those things that comes naturally to me and it's the one thing that I can do with minimal effect from SA. Actually, once I start dancing my SA almost completely disappears, which is why I like to do it once in a while, but I digress.... so once I got to the dance floor, I saw that girl out on the floor with one of the girls who we had met up with, and I just decided that I might as well go out there since she seemed to like talking to me and for the hell of it. I went out near them and just started dancing and started to feel really relaxed. I was dancing really intensely and I noticed a lot of random ladies out there on the dance floor taking note of me once they saw my moves lol. The best part was that after a few minutes, the girl I had been talking to just came up and started dancing with me and seemed like she was really enjoying it (she was cheesing big time). She ended up dancing with me several times the rest of the night and we were really starting to click even after we were done dancing. Several times she would come up to me to talk and put her arm around me or kinda touch my arm gently... I don't get that very often so I was pretty happy about that :yes

Not a whole lot happened after that because she was trying to talk to my friend for the rest of the night and since I knew things were kinda falling apart with them, I didn't think it was a good situation to try to ask for a number or anything... I keep thinking that maybe I should have, but at least I knew that for once I did have the confidence to do it if it had been a less ambiguous situation and plus I thought that my friend may find out and not be too happy if I did that. The other thing is that she is moving out of state next week anyway so there really wouldn't have been much of a chance for anything to happen anyway. But the bottom line is that I feel a hell of a lot more confident now than I did a week ago! I guess that acne might not hold me back after all.


----------



## 9mm

I've decided that i will never go out of my way to try to get a girl.


----------



## MrQuiet76

bwidger85 said:


> Getting rejected is normal part of dating for everyone. The problem with a lot of guys who are insecure/unsure/starting out is they assume too much and give up too soon. If you aren't getting rejected then you aren't dating, period! If success is the ying then rejection is the yang. If anything, you will face MORE rejection than success, so you better get used to it!
> 
> For now, however, don't assume it's your looks because you have hardly any evidence for that assumption. Also, you are perceiving yourself as weird when you talk to girls. Try not to focus on that. If it helps you, come up with a conversational plan to have with girls you'd like to approach. For example, ask them how their day is going. Respond. Tell them you think they are pretty. Respond. Ask if she'd like to get coffee.......you will find yourself naturally coming up with things to say. Try not to dodge being direct with a girl.
> 
> Baby steps. Start small and increase your goals. Stop assuming such negative things. Work VOLUME. You really don't have enough experience to say otherwise.


Yeah i know what you mean, you're exactly right. I know my problem has been that I've always been very sensitive to criticism, rejection, etc. and I guess the idea of being rejected feels like the equivalent of getting stabbed in the gut with a rusty knife.... it doesn't help that I've been really unlucky in my minimal experience with women so far. The one time I asked a girl out, she was very rude the way she rejected me and the one time I kissed a girl, she pulled away and said "what the hell was that?" Honestly, I probably didn't worry about rejection more than normal (for an SAer) before those incidents but those really left me feeling hopeless... but I do realize now that most rejections may not be that harsh. Even if they are I guess I just have to get used to it


----------



## Barette

MrQuiet76 said:


> .


That's awesome, Mr. Quiet!! So much progress! Now you know you can do it if you want to and can have that confidence!


----------



## Plopperton

Taking Klonopin and wandering around campus after class. My plan is to fall asleep on them while talking. Don't see why it hasn't been working yet


----------



## rymo

Went out with some friends for one of their b-day parties. The b-day boy is a bit timid so a couple of us tried to find a girl for him. Unfortunately, it was slim pickings, so we approached the only 2 cute chicks in the place, and before I knew what was happening some bald, MMA looking dude with a long *** chin beard comes up and goes, "Walk away bro." I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "What?" And he repeated himself, "Walk away." So I bowed to him with my arms outstretched and walked away.

I can't help but think how sad it would be to be that insecure that you have to flaunt your macho-ness to keep other guys away from your girl, but I also can't help but think that the fact that I'm thinking about it so much means it is affecting me more than it should be. I handled it like the sarcastic dick that I am, which is fine, but it was more just thinking about the situation after the fact that really makes me flustered.

I can't really figure out why I care so much about it. Maybe the insecure feeling that if something _did_ actually go down, he could crush my skull like a peanut. That could be part of it. But at the same time I don't care to be one of those overly macho douche bags - I vastly prefer my handling of situations like that over his method. Maybe I'm just not used to it, as it's the first time something like that has ever happened to me. Maybe I can't figure out why a girl would be into a guy like that. Maybe I haven't approached anyone in a while so I'm a little rusty and overly sensitive.

But maybe, just maybe......MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STOP BEING A LITTLE *****!


----------



## Josh90

bwidger85 said:


> Getting rejected is normal part of dating for everyone. The problem with a lot of guys who are insecure/unsure/starting out is they assume too much and give up too soon. If you aren't getting rejected then you aren't dating, period! If success is the ying then rejection is the yang. If anything, you will face MORE rejection than success, so you better get used to it!
> 
> For now, however, don't assume it's your looks because you have hardly any evidence for that assumption. Also, you are perceiving yourself as weird when you talk to girls. Try not to focus on that. If it helps you, come up with a conversational plan to have with girls you'd like to approach. For example, ask them how their day is going. Respond. Tell them you think they are pretty. Respond. Ask if she'd like to get coffee.......*you will find yourself naturally coming up with things to say*. Try not to dodge being direct with a girl.
> 
> Baby steps. Start small and increase your goals. Stop assuming such negative things. Work VOLUME. You really don't have enough experience to say otherwise.


What if your mind goes blank when this happens and you can't talk about yourself because you have no life whatsoever?


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

Josh90 said:


> What if your mind goes blank when this happens and you can't talk about yourself because you have no life whatsoever?


 Talk about your interests, passions, dreams etc. Show that you care about something. You can brush off the "no life" issue, just express it like "I don't have too much going on at the moment to be honest, but what I am really interested in doing is.....".


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Went out with some friends for one of their b-day parties. The b-day boy is a bit timid so a couple of us tried to find a girl for him. Unfortunately, it was slim pickings, so we approached the only 2 cute chicks in the place, and before I knew what was happening some bald, MMA looking dude with a long *** chin beard comes up and goes, "Walk away bro." I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "What?" And he repeated himself, "Walk away." So I bowed to him with my arms outstretched and walked away.
> 
> I can't help but think how sad it would be to be that insecure that you have to flaunt your macho-ness to keep other guys away from your girl, but I also can't help but think that the fact that I'm thinking about it so much means it is affecting me more than it should be. I handled it like the sarcastic dick that I am, which is fine, but it was more just thinking about the situation after the fact that really makes me flustered.
> 
> I can't really figure out why I care so much about it. Maybe the insecure feeling that if something _did_ actually go down, he could crush my skull like a peanut. That could be part of it. But at the same time I don't care to be one of those overly macho douche bags - I vastly prefer my handling of situations like that over his method. Maybe I'm just not used to it, as it's the first time something like that has ever happened to me. Maybe I can't figure out why a girl would be into a guy like that. Maybe I haven't approached anyone in a while so I'm a little rusty and overly sensitive.
> 
> But maybe, just maybe......MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STOP BEING A LITTLE *****!


I agree. Acting macho is lame, but sometimes guys have to come hard to show they mean it, because the guys who are talking to the girls could be a dick or w/e so you got to come like you mean it. Or, he was just being a macho-douche. There are other ways to handle it without looking dumb.


----------



## bsd3355

Josh90 said:


> What if your mind goes blank when this happens and you can't talk about yourself because you have no life whatsoever?


We all have things to say. We put pressure on ourselves to say the "perfect" thing, when in reality anything we say is fine. Once your confidence rises from talking to girls you'll see what I mean. Until then, it's hard to grasp your head around it because you aren't used to it. You have to put yourself in the fire to warm up, and from there you'll gain confidence. Just start talking. Anything is good.


----------



## bsd3355

Even though I was on fire with dating recently I have lost interest, to the point where I was happy not even doing anything. Right now I'm pretty busy with school, but my interest is starting to shift to wanting to make a deep connection with someone and just have fun. In other words, I've been thinking about getting a girlfriend--a cool, interesting girlfriend--to enjoy my time with. But I'm not sure, I've just been thinking about it lately.

The other girls I was dating, I basically stopped contacting most of them and the POF girl I didn't really like her vibe, so her too, the korean girl I haven't talked to for a bit, but she's cool and I'll see if she wants to hang out next week maybe.

I've proven to myself that I am very capable of finding a girlfriend if I wanted to. I know what it takes for the most part, and so I think back when I used to feel helpless and it now it kind of feels like something I could do if I wanted to, instead of the feeling of helplessness and _EXAGGERATED_ loneliness. I haven't changed who I am, and I still have the same feelings I used to when I was younger and inexperienced without competence, but the main difference is that I am now able to step back and truly see what I want without the pressure of society telling me what is right or wrong (having a girlfriend, wife, etc), because inside I know I have what it takes so it's different now. Currently I feel like I've been able to view my situation differently than I ever have in the past. I'm not sure whether dating lots of girls is something I want to do right now, and I may actually just want to make that connection with someone awesome and just let the vulnerability of a relationship come in. Just things I've been thinking. I don't think either choice is perfectly right or wrong as I think you can make the best of most situations, but I think it comes down to what you are interested in at w/e stage you are in life.

I think the vulnerability/pain/love and emotions you get from really connected to someone or being "co-dependent" to a point is something that helps us grow. I think there is a certain beauty and adventure in that, which is special. I was thinking that maybe I need some of that insecurity back, as I usually learn the most from it, and I might get bored without it. I might "need" someone to shake me up. Maybe that's the joy of life in itself? Complacency has never suited me. Embrace the insecurity and let it take you for a ride; trust that you are strong enough to grow from it and learn from it.


----------



## MrQuiet76

Barette said:


> That's awesome, Mr. Quiet!! So much progress! Now you know you can do it if you want to and can have that confidence!


Thanks Barette!! Yeah to be honest I've been pretty psyched outta my mind since the other night  I still have a long way to go, but at least I was able to make some progress even after I was feeling so depressed about the situation only a week or so ago... I think my biggest problem was that I usually overthink everything too much and start assuming the worst before trying to talk to a woman that I'm attracted to. Normally, I'm always trying to think of the perfect thing to say and get myself all flustered to the point where my mind goes blank, but just winging it the other night kept that from happening. Even when I stumbled over my words a few times, I just laughed it off and the girl I was talking to didn't care at all.... it's just like you were telling me a few months ago, just cause I had a couple bad experiences in the past doesn't mean that all my interactions with women will go sour. I'm actually for once getting excited instead of getting nervous when I think about talking to ladies in the future!! Who would've thunk it!


----------



## AngelClare

rymo said:


> Went out with some friends for one of their b-day parties. The b-day boy is a bit timid so a couple of us tried to find a girl for him. Unfortunately, it was slim pickings, so we approached the only 2 cute chicks in the place, and before I knew what was happening some bald, MMA looking dude with a long *** chin beard comes up and goes, "Walk away bro." I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "What?" And he repeated himself, "Walk away." So I bowed to him with my arms outstretched and walked away.
> 
> I can't help but think how sad it would be to be that insecure that you have to flaunt your macho-ness to keep other guys away from your girl, but I also can't help but think that the fact that I'm thinking about it so much means it is affecting me more than it should be. I handled it like the sarcastic dick that I am, which is fine, but it was more just thinking about the situation after the fact that really makes me flustered.
> 
> I can't really figure out why I care so much about it. Maybe the insecure feeling that if something _did_ actually go down, he could crush my skull like a peanut. That could be part of it. But at the same time I don't care to be one of those overly macho douche bags - I vastly prefer my handling of situations like that over his method. Maybe I'm just not used to it, as it's the first time something like that has ever happened to me. Maybe I can't figure out why a girl would be into a guy like that. Maybe I haven't approached anyone in a while so I'm a little rusty and overly sensitive.
> 
> But maybe, just maybe......MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STOP BEING A LITTLE *****!


At a party, bar or club first question to a girl should always be: *Are you with someone?*

Some guys are much worse than that dude. Some guys will either beat you up or humiliate you just to prove how alpha they are.

It's bothering you because he put you in your place. He's the alpha gorilla in the room.


----------



## theseventhkey

I am not worthy of a woman's love. As a mere mortal, I am satisfied just being in the same atmosphere with these precious being from beyond.


----------



## rymo

AngelClare said:


> At a party, bar or club first question to a girl should always be: *Are you with someone?*
> 
> Some guys are much worse than that dude. Some guys will either beat you up or humiliate you just to prove how alpha they are.
> 
> It's bothering you because he put you in your place. He's the alpha gorilla in the room.


He didn't really put me in my place - it's not like my hopes and dreams were tied into talking to that girl. And I didn't get embarrassed, act awkwardly, or anything like that. I essentially just walked away. I respected the fact that it was his girlfriend. So despite his silly reaction, it's not like I would encroach upon that situation anyway. And it wasn't like I was in some slum biker bar. No way he would have done anything more than he did unless I did something stupid. I'm kind of over it now though.

One thing is for sure - I would absolutely never go up to a girl and ask, "hey are you with someone?"  I don't really care tbh. I'll just try to talk to the girl and if it turns out she has a bf, move on to the next. No big deal.


----------



## StevenGlansberg

Took a cab ride home last night with a girl I really like and failed to make a move...ffffffffffffff....

I think at this point it's more not knowing what to do than anxiety holding me back.

Someone tussle my hair and tell me things will be okay.


----------



## komorikun

rymo said:


> He didn't really put me in my place - it's not like my hopes and dreams were tied into talking to that girl. And I didn't get embarrassed, act awkwardly, or anything like that. I essentially just walked away. I respected the fact that it was his girlfriend. So despite his silly reaction, it's not like I would encroach upon that situation anyway. And it wasn't like I was in some slum biker bar. No way he would have done anything more than he did unless I did something stupid. I'm kind of over it now though.
> 
> One thing is for sure - I would absolutely never go up to a girl and ask, "hey are you with someone?"  I don't really care tbh. I'll just try to talk to the girl and if it turns out she has a bf, move on to the next. No big deal.


No, you don't need to ask the girl if she is with someone. It's weird what that guy did. Normally you should just let the girlfriend handle it or come next to her and give her a kiss in front of guy that has approached. If you don't want to be hit on at a bar/club then you have to be next to each other the whole time.


----------



## Isabelle50

I think that guy just wanted to feel like a badass. I'm sure the girl would have made some mention of "my boyfriend and I..." before anything went too far. I find that dynamic odd, its up to the girl to be clear that she's taken, not for the bf to chase everyone away. I would be kindof pissed if my boyfriend took to chasing away_ any _guy I ever talked to.


----------



## rymo

Isabelle50 said:


> I think that guy just wanted to feel like a badass. I'm sure the girl would have made some mention of "my boyfriend and I..." before anything went too far. I find that dynamic odd, its up to the girl to be clear that she's taken, not for the bf to chase everyone away. I would be kindof pissed if my boyfriend took to chasing away_ any _guy I ever talked to.


I think some girls have that "I need a daddy to protect me" kind of attitude, and they go for meat heads so they feel that shallow, physical sense of protection. It was hilarious actually - when I approached the girl she practically ran to the guy without even looking at me. I was so obsessed with the guy's reaction I forgot about that part, but taking the two reactions together it makes a lot of sense.

Anyways, next time that happens I'm just gonna do one a deez:


----------



## Zeeshan

I highly recommend self defense training for everybody here, i have only had 5-6 sessions, but i feel much more confident already, in all areas of life. It takes quite a bit of anxiety away, i know the fear that you will get beat up is an irrational one, but it really helps


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I think some girls have that "I need a daddy to protect me" kind of attitude, and they go for meat heads so they feel that shallow, physical sense of protection. It was hilarious actually - when I approached the girl she practically ran to the guy without even looking at me. I was so obsessed with the guy's reaction I forgot about that part, but taking the two reactions together it makes a lot of sense.
> 
> Anyways, next time that happens I'm just gonna do one a deez:


Some girls enjoy that. they actually flirt on purpose,


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> Even though I was on fire with dating recently I have lost interest, to the point where I was happy not even doing anything. Right now I'm pretty busy with school, but my interest is starting to shift to wanting to make a deep connection with someone and just have fun. In other words, I've been thinking about getting a girlfriend--a cool, interesting girlfriend--to enjoy my time with. But I'm not sure, I've just been thinking about it lately.
> 
> The other girls I was dating, I basically stopped contacting most of them and the POF girl I didn't really like her vibe, so her too, the korean girl I haven't talked to for a bit, but she's cool and I'll see if she wants to hang out next week maybe.
> 
> I've proven to myself that I am very capable of finding a girlfriend if I wanted to. I know what it takes for the most part, and so I think back when I used to feel helpless and it now it kind of feels like something I could do if I wanted to, instead of the feeling of helplessness and _EXAGGERATED_ loneliness. I haven't changed who I am, and I still have the same feelings I used to when I was younger and inexperienced without competence, but the main difference is that I am now able to step back and truly see what I want without the pressure of society telling me what is right or wrong (having a girlfriend, wife, etc), because inside I know I have what it takes so it's different now. Currently I feel like I've been able to view my situation differently than I ever have in the past. I'm not sure whether dating lots of girls is something I want to do right now, and I may actually just want to make that connection with someone awesome and just let the vulnerability of a relationship come in. Just things I've been thinking. I don't think either choice is perfectly right or wrong as I think you can make the best of most situations, but I think it comes down to what you are interested in at w/e stage you are in life.
> 
> I think the vulnerability/pain/love and emotions you get from really connected to someone or being "co-dependent" to a point is something that helps us grow. I think there is a certain beauty and adventure in that, which is special. I was thinking that maybe I need some of that insecurity back, as I usually learn the most from it, and I might get bored without it. I might "need" someone to shake me up. Maybe that's the joy of life in itself? Complacency has never suited me. Embrace the insecurity and let it take you for a ride; trust that you are strong enough to grow from it and learn from it.


Goes to show I don't know what I want sometimes. My attitude has somewhat changed already :roll


----------



## aloof

Nothing. I don't really care. I can't predict what they like or don't like. I am not sure they would be interested in me in any case.


----------



## Barette

aloof said:


> Nothing. I don't really care. I can't predict what they like or don't like. I am not sure they would be interested in me in any case.


We've yet to have our secret meetings yet, where we set our "dating black list" but when we do I'll let you know if we have decided whether or not we are all interested in you.


----------



## aloof

Barette said:


> We've yet to have our secret meetings yet, where we set our "dating black list" but when we do I'll let you know if we have decided whether or not we are all interested in you.


Thanks, that will be useful to know. However, if it's a "no," I'd prefer you not tell me at all.


----------



## Zeeshan

Waiting for the snow to end suppose to be gone by now


----------



## bsd3355

Have lost interest for probably 3 weeks now. My self-confidence has dropped since not doing anything but studying for 2 weeks. It reminds me of how action and one's thoughts really play a role in the dating world. I don't have any motivation to meet girls at the moment. I don't know how long that will last. Been thinking about things differently lately. There is a lot to appreciate when someone treats you well regardless of who they are or what they look like.


----------



## Brandeezy

I sat behind a beautiful black/hispanic looking girl on the train ride home from work the other day. Of course i didn't say anything and prob. won't see her again. The story of my life


----------



## Zeeshan

i had a situation a couple of days ago, i got on the elevator and there was an absolutely beautiful girl there. In the past i would have said nothing, however i said hi. She started using her phone, and i asked her what phone is that, and then she let me see her phone and seemed very giddy i started a convo with her. I gave her phone back as we were already at the lobby, and i was going to the basement ;-( If only i had a minute more. She was surprised i was impressed by her phone, and there was some joke i dont remember. It just happened so fast, 

Sucks because she was exactly the kind of girl i want, and she seemed game. It was so disappointing, because its a big building. Been thinking of ways that i could run into her again and ask her out. Anyone have any ideas on how i could meet her again. I cant stop thinking about her, i have lived here 8 months and havent seen her before, so there is no guarantee i will just run into her


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> I sat behind a beautiful black/hispanic looking girl on the train ride home from work the other day. Of course i didn't say anything and prob. won't see her again. The story of my life





Zeeshan said:


> i had a situation a couple of days ago, i got on the elevator and there was an absolutely beautiful girl there. In the past i would have said nothing, however i said hi. She started using her phone, and i asked her what phone is that, and then she let me see her phone and seemed very giddy i started a convo with her. I gave her phone back as we were already at the lobby, and i was going to the basement ;-( If only i had a minute more. She was surprised i was impressed by her phone, and there was some joke i dont remember. It just happened so fast,
> 
> Sucks because she was exactly the kind of girl i want, and she seemed game. It was so disappointing, because its a big building. Been thinking of ways that i could run into her again and ask her out. Anyone have any ideas on how i could meet her again. I cant stop thinking about her, i have lived here 8 months and havent seen her before, so there is no guarantee i will just run into her


It can be extremely difficult to be able to sum up courage to make a move when you haven't been talking/approaching girls in general, so I think the apprehension is very normal. Not much anyone can just out the blue do such a thing unless with a certain amount of recent practice. Most people would not make a move given these instances. The good news is that you can plan ahead for certain instances and prepare yourself. In general strike up a conversation and try to get a conversation going and ask for a numbrr or date. If she asks you why tell her the truth and she will appreciate the honesty. I'd give a better response but im on a phone atm


----------



## Jironasaurus

Very proactive thread. Loving it!

I think that a lot of people are probably doing nothing... or just doing things in really small ways. (Although I hope that's not the case.)

I like to advocate a holistic personal development approach. Women are a subset of an amazing lifestyle. (Not to dehumanize them in any way at all)

When other parts of your life is great, women will naturally follow. Likewise, when you have a woman in your life, other parts are more settled too. That being said, for people with SA, there is no other way other than to bash through your fears and just do what's necessary. End of the day, the biggest actions give you the greatest results. Take what you will out of that.


----------



## bsd3355

I don't know why I lost motivation this last month but I feel it starting to come back. I think the combination of too much studying and boredom of the dating process weighed on me; I started to get a bit negative about certain things and that probably fueled my disinterest further. I honestly have no definite reason why I lost motivation. For the most part, I like and want the motivation most the time as it is the driving force that makes me learn and get better. In any case, 2 more exams this week and I'll be back out there soon. It's weird how the motivation can come and go and I'm curious what reasons go behind it.


----------



## Zeeshan

I know the feel


----------



## Jarebear

staying in my room all day


----------



## Zeeshan

This older coworker contacted me out of the blue. I've always had a thing for her may per sue something there


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> This older coworker contacted me out of the blue. I've always had a thing for her may *per sue* something there


As always your unique interpretation of the English language is impressively creative


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> As always your unique interpretation of the English language is impressively creative


yea well lol so be it

Things are starting to be positive again, have to feel its directly related to the turn off spring, i met this girl, we will call her L, working out in my building, hoping to ask her to out the next time i see her

I should have done it last time, but i just got her name


----------



## bsd3355

GL dude

I probably need to get back out there again myself


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> GL dude
> 
> I probably need to get back out there again myself


I think the spring will help. Ohio's weather is just like ours here in Ontario, i think, after a while the winter just drains all the motivation off. Happens to me too every year, so much so that i fully expect it now. I know that Jan/Feb/Mar are garbage for my life every year.

You end up dragging to work, wearing ugly sweaters to keep warm, skin dries out, i envy people who live in places like California, where they are all guns blazing year long.

I didnt see L yesterday, disappointing.


----------



## Owl-99

Zeeshan said:


> I think the spring will help. Ohio's weather is just like ours here in Ontario, i think, after a while the winter just drains all the motivation off. Happens to me too every year, so much so that i fully expect it now. I know that Jan/Feb/Mar are garbage for my life every year.
> 
> You end up dragging to work, wearing ugly sweaters to keep warm, skin dries out, i envy people who live in places like California, where they are all guns blazing year long.
> 
> I didnt see L yesterday, disappointing.


Yeah imagine if you lived in California all your problems would miraculously vanish, oh look there goes another flying pig.


----------



## komorikun

Only Southern California is warm.


----------



## Barette

I want to go to SoCal, I imagine the entire area as one big, constant episode of 90210.


----------



## komorikun

But the houses/apartments here are crappy. No insulation and drafty windows. Most have inefficient heaters too. When I wake up in the morning the thermostat in my room says 53F most of the time. The combined gas/electric bill is $200 and we only have the heat on maybe 6 hours a day. 

My sister lived in SF for 6 months and then moved to New Haven and eventually NYC. She said the winter in SF was the coldest cause in NYC by law the landlords have to keep the apartment a certain temperature in the winter.


----------



## Brandeezy

Bought an _Autoblow_ (Look it up on Google) **** getting girls at the moment


----------



## Elad

bought a fresh batch of condoms and lube. as the cashier looked at me to tell me the price, I just looked at her, clenched my jaw, squinted and blew a tiny kiss almost like a puffer fish. I think it went pretty well, will update further when I get out of police station.

post via tapatalk


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Is it really important and does it makes a difference if I fill out my profile (about me)?. 
SO i view girls profile and then message them "hello there! how are yah?". What happens is that I always get my profiled visited in return but don't get a replied message. lol

Im lazy to fill it out lol not much to say it's like ****ing salestalk and ****. This for me turn out to be more like an experiment its my first time to do this online dating stuff, but I have too many issues having severe sad I dont think I can even manage a relationship.


----------



## The Apathetic Observer

My problem is, I don't want to ask just _anyone out_. I may still be "young", but I'm _very_ old fashioned. I won't lie... mostly because I don't have a reason to... I've been "in love" with the same girl for over 15 years. But she expressed time and time again that she wasn't interested in me. So I let her go...

It wasn't until recently I met another girl who makes me feel "alive" again. I'm going to ask her out on Wednesday night. I'm hoping she lets me into her heart. If not, I'll just have to learn how to accept the fact that I'm simply... unlovable.


----------



## The Apathetic Observer

Wrong Galaxy said:


> Is it really important and does it makes a difference if I fill out my profile (about me)?.
> SO i view girls profile and then message them "hello there! how are yah?". What happens is that I always get my profiled visited in return but don't get a replied message. lol
> 
> Im lazy to fill it out lol not much to say it's like ****ing salestalk and ****. This for me turn out to be more like an experiment its my first time to do this online dating stuff, but I have too many issues having severe sad I dont think I can even manage a relationship.


Don't feel bad. I just asked a girl on OkCupid a question concerning rock climbing; cause I happened to see a picture of her rock climbing.

She visited my page but made a conscious effort not to respond. I messaged her back expressing the fact she's a messed up person having done what she did.


----------



## rymo

The Apathetic Observer said:


> Don't feel bad. I just asked a girl on OkCupid a question concerning rock climbing; cause I happened to see a picture of her rock climbing.
> 
> She visited my page but made a conscious effort not to respond. I messaged her back expressing the fact she's a messed up person having done what she did.


She is not a messed up person for not responding to every guy that she receives a message from. You need to let things like that go man.


----------



## rymo

The Apathetic Observer said:


> My problem is, I don't want to ask just _anyone out_. I may still be "young", but I'm _very_ old fashioned. I won't lie... mostly because I don't have a reason to... I've been "in love" with the same girl for over 15 years. But she expressed time and time again that she wasn't interested in me. So I let her go...
> 
> It wasn't until recently I met another girl who makes me feel "alive" again. I'm going to ask her out on Wednesday night. I'm hoping she lets me into her heart. If not, I'll just have to learn how to accept the fact that I'm simply... unlovable.


So asking two girls out in 15+ years and being rejected once (potentially twice) makes you unlovable? ****....I had to ask out like 20 or so before I got my first bite. Don't give up so damn easily.


----------



## bsd3355

this talk about no motivation because of the season isnt true. why do people always blame the weather? as if there arent girls online, schools, stores, etc


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> this talk about no motivation because of the season isnt true. why do people always blame the weather? as if there arent girls online, schools, stores, etc


There is some truth to it, it could be easily overcome, but people are more apt to meet/date/fall in love in spring, summer, and fall

My issue is that in winter you have to carry your coat around everywhere. Just drains things out of me.

Anyways just saw a girl i dated change her last name, i dont know why but it feels kind of bad. I think she was like 6 years older, but whatever,


----------



## MrQuiet76

I met another very attractive girl this past weekend when I was out, but unfortunately I couldn't make any moves because she has a boyfriend. Still it was another good experience. After meeting her, I was able to start talking to her right away (which is usually tough for me with somebody I've just met) and we were chatting off and on the whole time I was there. I was even able to make her laugh quite a bit. I was a little bit tipsy from having some booze but I still think I could've made her laugh even if I wasn't tipsy. It's been a great confidence builder having good social experiences with girls I'm attracted to even though I can't ask them out since they're already in relationships. I think it's preparing me for the moment when I finally meet an attractive girl who actually IS single.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

The Apathetic Observer said:


> Don't feel bad. I just asked a girl on OkCupid a question concerning rock climbing; cause I happened to see a picture of her rock climbing.
> 
> She visited my page but made a conscious effort not to respond. I messaged her back expressing the fact she's a messed up person having done what she did.





rymo said:


> She is not a messed up person for not responding to every guy that she receives a message from. You need to let things like that go man.





rymo said:


> So asking two girls out in 15+ years and being rejected once (potentially twice) makes you unlovable? ****....I had to ask out like 20 or so before I got my first bite. Don't give up so damn easily.


Im curious how many pms these girls get from dating websites there inbox must have lots of them lol. Damn too much competition.


----------



## komorikun

Wrong Galaxy said:


> Is it really important and does it makes a difference if I fill out my profile (about me)?.
> SO i view girls profile and then message them "hello there! how are yah?". What happens is that I always get my profiled visited in return but don't get a replied message. lol
> 
> Im lazy to fill it out lol not much to say it's like ****ing salestalk and ****. This for me turn out to be more like an experiment its my first time to do this online dating stuff, but I have too many issues having severe sad I dont think I can even manage a relationship.


Yes, you need to fill your profile out. Why should someone waste their time going on a date with you when they have only seen your photo? And initial messages should always reference the profile.


----------



## huh

I closed my online dating profiles recently, and since I can't get up the nerve to approach women in real life for fear of rejection...I guess I'm doing nothing at the moment. What are the chances that a women in real life would actually approach me? Probably pretty close to 0 I would guess. I hate being a short guy with social anxiety issues. Ugh. Such a frustrating and depressing experience. Maybe I'll give it another shot after a while.


----------



## The Apathetic Observer

Wrong Galaxy said:


> Im curious how many pms these girls get from dating websites there inbox must have lots of them lol. Damn too much competition.


The girl I messaged hadn't received a message in over a week. It clearly stated that, so I know she read my message.

I haven't signed back in. And I actually have no intentions of signing back in. I'm done with online dating. And I'm done with s**t tests.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

The Apathetic Observer said:


> The girl I messaged hadn't received a message in over a week. It clearly stated that, so I know she read my message.
> 
> I haven't signed back in. And I actually have no intentions of signing back in. I'm done with online dating. And I'm done with s**t tests.


online dating is depressing


----------



## Barette

MrQuiet76 said:


> I met another very attractive girl this past weekend when I was out, but unfortunately I couldn't make any moves because she has a boyfriend. Still it was another good experience. After meeting her, I was able to start talking to her right away (which is usually tough for me with somebody I've just met) and we were chatting off and on the whole time I was there. I was even able to make her laugh quite a bit. I was a little bit tipsy from having some booze but I still think I could've made her laugh even if I wasn't tipsy. It's been a great confidence builder having good social experiences with girls I'm attracted to even though I can't ask them out since they're already in relationships. I think it's preparing me for the moment when I finally meet an attractive girl who actually IS single.


Great job! You're making so much progress! I bet it feels awesome, and the work you're putting in is gonna pay off, no doubt.


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways, i havent brought up this thread in a while, because i really had nothing going on when it comes to women. Literally did not have a date the entire month of March. Was pretty depressed about the girl in Feb who i didnt end up starting a relationship with after a couple of dates.

Anyhow, Met this girl online recently. However I have been doing NOFAP for about 2+ weeks now, and started to meditate everyday. Its giving me a lot of confidence, and i feel much better. But i didnt want her. I figured why waste time, 

There is an older woman i came into contact with recently, i am going to invite her over tomorrow to hang out. She really turns me on, i am going to ask her if she wants to come over and have a few drinks.

I have also started working out a lot, and shed my body fat. What i didnt realize is how FAT my face was. Literally, the face is like everything, because a girl even judges your body by your face. I started looking into it, and its amazing what a difference a leaner face makes. I am not even fat, just had a bit of a belly, I thought i was in great shape, but its amazing how much fat has come off, and how much is still coming off.

For the first time in my life, i am going to achieve my goal of having a great body. The last month i have been doing Weight training, and Cardio like crazy, and the results are finally showing. My upper body is getting into a v-like shape, and clothes just fit differently so thats really cool. 

Anyways now with the awful winter finally over, i can get back to core of the issue.


----------



## bsd3355

^cool stuff. i'm also getting into good shape. staying on a workout plan has always been easy for me and i'm a mesomorph who tends to get in shape fairy quickly. a month in and i'm in good shape already. it's also relaxing. since i don't have tv i downloaded some discovery shows i used to watch when i had tv and i watch episodes every work out. i like working out.

if you are counting on your looks to carry you through, just for some reference, going out and talking to people in real life seems much more realistic than online dating. i can only speak for myself, but when i go out i tend to have things more in my favor than online. i have my own theory about this that is probably common sense, but i won't get into it and bore people with the details.

i haven't done anything for 2 months either. went out last night though; talked to some girls. didn't ask for any numbers or anything. just kind of went out, and it was cool. numbers don't really mean much but in my mind i think at least now i can contact them later if they are interested. i thought about it this morning and it both makes sense and doesn't make sense to get numbers to get numbers without a connection or attraction on the girl's part, as many girls will give out numbers like candy, but then i think about bar distractions and stuff and i think always going for the number is good regardless. it's just one of those things, w/e.

i used to want to go out to date and get experience since i didn't date in my teens, but i've been way more interested in getting a girlfriend now. i know i don't want to be "that guy" who is always dating and dealing with the frustrations of it all, getting older and less interested. to each their own though, and i don't think people's reasons for their own relationships and dating is wrong because everyone is different, but i'm just speaking for myself. but who knows, things change; wants change. can't expect life to always end up the way you planned, but you can at least aim for it. i don't really care about the duration of how long it takes to find someone i really like. it may take a short time, or it may take a long time

will be going out tonight. going to talk to a lot of girls and attempt to get lots of numbers. hopefully connect with one or two would be nice but not crossing my fingers.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^cool stuff. i'm also getting into good shape. staying on a workout plan has always been easy for me and i'm a mesomorph who tends to get in shape fairy quickly. a month in and i'm in good shape already. it's also relaxing. since i don't have tv i downloaded some discovery shows i used to watch when i had tv and i watch episodes every work out. i like working out.
> 
> if you are counting on your looks to carry you through, just for some reference, going out and talking to people in real life seems much more realistic than online dating. i can only speak for myself, but when i go out i tend to have things more in my favor than online. i have my own theory about this that is probably common sense, but i won't get into it and bore people with the details.
> 
> i haven't done anything for 2 months either. went out last night though; talked to some girls. didn't ask for any numbers or anything. just kind of went out, and it was cool. numbers don't really mean much but in my mind i think at least now i can contact them later if they are interested. i thought about it this morning and it both makes sense and doesn't make sense to get numbers to get numbers without a connection or attraction on the girl's part, as many girls will give out numbers like candy, but then i think about bar distractions and stuff and i think always going for the number is good regardless. it's just one of those things, w/e.
> 
> i used to want to go out to date and get experience since i didn't date in my teens, but i've been way more interested in getting a girlfriend now. i know i don't want to be "that guy" who is always dating and dealing with the frustrations of it all, getting older and less interested. to each their own though, and i don't think people's reasons for their own relationships and dating is wrong because everyone is different, but i'm just speaking for myself. but who knows, things change; wants change. can't expect life to always end up the way you planned, but you can at least aim for it. i don't really care about the duration of how long it takes to find someone i really like. it may take a short time, or it may take a long time
> 
> will be going out tonight. going to talk to a lot of girls and attempt to get lots of numbers. hopefully connect with one or two would be nice but not crossing my fingers.


Exactly thats where i am too, but doesnt mean that i dont want to get laid as well. NOFAP has cleared up a lot of things for me this time, I am not that against online.

In terms of shedding fat, i think you are undervaluing how much of a difference a leaner face makes. I dont actually have much of a jaw line, but women tend to see a lot more in a face then we realize. I am not just speaking about the body.

I always correlated working out to the body, but i see now that i was fat all along. I have dropped about 5lbs (Which is a lot for me, because i was not fat) but even though others cant readily tell the difference, i know because i am very observant. It turns out i do have some jaw line, it will just come out at a very low body fat which is what i am chasing now.

I also started to meditate with a candle. I realized that the reason i have failed to reach my potentiol in life, is due to a lack of focus and concentration. So now i sit and stare at a candle, trying to desentize myself to hyper activity. I noticed that doing this has made me less anxious in situations.

In terms of online, what i was trying to say was that i contacted this girl, whos number i ended up getting. She was decent looking, but after texting her for a bit, i realized i wasnt going to just waste my time on just anybody like i did last year. Sure it would be great to have a few dates, get laid, or even have a short relationship, but time is too short for that now. I am looking for someone i want.

This other woman who i will ask to come over tonight, is just someone i know from a former job. I just want to see if she wants to have a little fun, if she is up for it, i am sure she will say yea, if not nothings lost

And like you i agree it may take a short time or a long time, but i think it will definately only take a short time from here


----------



## bsd3355

^sounds good. i used to spend too much time on girls i wasn't really interested in. i stopped doing that as well. it just took some experiences and realizing that it wasn't what i wanted.

i think any goal or thing you do that moves you toward being more positive, progressive, etc., are all good things. working out, meditation, are all good if it makes you feel better, better focused, etc. good stuff.

went out last night and got really down on myself. i was very close to calling it quits at the bar scene. it's a 180 from what i discussed yesterday but i came back around because i shouldn't limit good opportunities because i don't feel comfortable with it sometimes. the truth is, bars are good for meeting people depending on what bar it is and what people are in it AND IF YOU ARE TAKING THE REQUIRED ACTIONS (i didn't last night). anywhere is good for meeting people, and anywhere is possible. the more you do it the more it feels normal to you and the more it becomes funner and the more results you get.

you can read about my experience last night and my thoughts related in my blog, as i posted it there today


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^sounds good. i used to spend too much time on girls i wasn't really interested in. i stopped doing that as well. it just took some experiences and realizing that it wasn't what i wanted.
> 
> i think any goal or thing you do that moves you toward being more positive, progressive, etc., are all good things. working out, meditation, are all good if it makes you feel better, better focused, etc. good stuff.
> 
> went out last night and got really down on myself. i was very close to calling it quits at the bar scene. it's a 180 from what i discussed yesterday but i came back around because i shouldn't limit good opportunities because i don't feel comfortable with it sometimes. the truth is, bars are good for meeting people depending on what bar it is and what people are in it AND IF YOU ARE TAKING THE REQUIRED ACTIONS (i didn't last night). anywhere is good for meeting people, and anywhere is possible. the more you do it the more it feels normal to you and the more it becomes funner and the more results you get.
> 
> you can read about my experience last night and my thoughts related in my blog, as i posted it there today


actually one of the reasons that i want to drop down further to no fat, is because i want to do yoga (its loaded!) but i don't feel comfortable unless i have a great body (Because obviously it shows in it)


----------



## Randomdood13

Last night I was at a party and got chatting to a few girls, cant remember 2 of their names, but the 3rd was beautiful and i really liked her, and added her on facebook today but I've no idea what to do now. :/


----------



## Zeeshan

Sophistrysolipsist said:


> Last night I was at a party and got chatting to a few girls, cant remember 2 of their names, but the 3rd was beautiful and i really liked her, and added her on facebook today but I've no idea what to do now. :/


duh, ask her out like a man


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> There is an older woman i came into contact with recently, i am going to invite her over tomorrow to hang out. She really turns me on, i am going to ask her if she wants to come over and have a few drinks.


Argh well this did not go as planned. I was setting it up via text, then she suggests that she will buy me a drink, with the next text you should grab some of your friends, and i'll grab some of mine.

So i had a choice, i could have texted something like why dont you come over instead, or changed the subject, and unfortunately i changed the subject. I thought the setup was all wrong now!!

Argh! What does that even mean. I dont even have friends that i would be able to bring lol? The friends i have are douchebags, that i wouldnt want my enemies to meet.


----------



## Randomdood13

Zeeshan said:


> duh, ask her out like a man


I don't know how or what to say or things. On facebook she seems really popular and way out of my league. Maybe I should just leave it. :/


----------



## Zeeshan

Sophistrysolipsist said:


> I don't know how or what to say or things. On facebook she seems really popular and way out of my league. Maybe I should just leave it. :/


maybe you can ask her out in an indirect way which would save you the rejection


----------



## Randomdood13

Zeeshan said:


> maybe you can ask her out in an indirect way which would save you the rejection


Such as?... I don't think that's the done thing is it? I thought it'd be more like just try and chat and become friends and see where that leads to?


----------



## Zeeshan

Sophistrysolipsist said:


> Such as?... I don't think that's the done thing is it? I thought it'd be more like just try and chat and become friends and see where that leads to?


yea you can try that, at least make contact once and see where it goes.

Dont make assumptions, women are very insecure creatures, she could be the most popular girl in the world, doesnt mean that she thinks of herself as that great.


----------



## Randomdood13

Zeeshan said:


> yea you can try that, at least make contact once and see where it goes.
> 
> Dont make assumptions, women are very insecure creatures, she could be the most popular girl in the world, doesnt mean that she thinks of herself as that great.


Ok so I message her saying "hey, nice to meet you the other night"...
Then suppose she messages back saying, "yeh you too"

Then what?


----------



## michijo

I had an idea tonight. Everyday, I will tell one woman that she is extremely attractive. I figure if this is done everyday, eventually one of them, perhaps one with personal problems, will latch onto me. 

It will be merely one simple line "I find you extremely attractive". Then, if she asks, I will even tell her my plan and why I am telling women this.


----------



## Zeeshan

michijo said:


> I had an idea tonight. Everyday, I will tell one woman that she is extremely attractive. I figure if this is done everyday, eventually one of them, perhaps one with personal problems, will latch onto me.
> 
> It will be merely one simple line "I find you extremely attractive". Then, if she asks, I will even tell her my plan and why I am telling women this.


I predict this will land you a babe


----------



## Zeeshan

Sophistrysolipsist said:


> Ok so I message her saying "hey, nice to meet you the other night"...
> Then suppose she messages back saying, "yeh you too"
> 
> Then what?


Well you were talking to her at the party ask about one if her pics or some stupid show she watches or just ask her questions. They love to tall about themselves


----------



## michijo

Zeeshan said:


> I predict this will land you a babe


I think its the only way. Dating sites do not work. The woman cant hear your voice or see any mannerisms. And women on dating sites tend to be more interested in making their own profiles look cool and writing every little movie they saw, than actually responding to men who message them.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing still.


----------



## dal user

visualkeirockstar said:


> Nothing still.


Same here

Im too ugly anyway, so theres no point.


----------



## GoingBaldSucks

Here's what I'm doing:
INSANE work outs and strict diet that got me a ripped body.

I tried ALL PUA methods out there. I mean more than 1000 approaches total. I was approaching DAILY, even at Christmas, my birthday, etc.

I got better clothes.

I did vocal training for singing to give me a better voice.

I joined interesting hobbies like playing the guitar.

But NOTHING WORKS because I'm short and bald.

So, I concluded it's all LOOKS.


----------



## Charmander

:roll


----------



## Zeeshan

GoingBaldSucks said:


> Here's what I'm doing:
> INSANE work outs and strict diet that got me a ripped body.
> 
> I tried ALL PUA methods out there. I mean more than 1000 approaches total. I was approaching DAILY, even at Christmas, my birthday, etc.
> 
> I got better clothes.
> 
> I did vocal training for singing to give me a better voice.
> 
> I joined interesting hobbies like playing the guitar.
> 
> But NOTHING WORKS because I'm short and bald.
> 
> So, I concluded it's all LOOKS.


Post a pic how short r u? How bald?


----------



## GoingBaldSucks

Zeeshan said:


> Post a pic how short r u? How bald?


1,66m, nw6 diffuse.


----------



## bsd3355

GoingBaldSucks said:


> 1,66m, nw6 diffuse.


damn, didn't know there was a specific term for how bald you are lol.

dude, stop with the bald stuff already. maybe you're just plain ugly in the face? jk


----------



## Zeeshan

GoingBaldSucks said:


> 1,66m, nw6 diffuse.


That's not even that short lol maybe your just unlucky by nature


----------



## Mousey9

Nothing IRL or online.
I've been on this site for a while now and still haven't sent a girl a friend request, just to avoid them from talking to me...I could chat with guys on here but with a girl, I freeze up. Whether it's through chat, pm or vm my mind goes completely blank and I purposely choose not to reply to their message and pretty much end contact. It's pathetic that I can't even talk to girls online...I'm gonna die alone ain't I?


----------



## Monotony

I wear this every where I go


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

Well, yesterday I tried, pretty sure I failed, so........ I suppose that is that for this uni year (only a month left). There's always next year........


----------



## simbo

I just whip my clothes off and go about my day to day life..


----------



## Zeeshan

Trying to hold off dreams of jealousy


----------



## srschirm

I'm half-assing it on OKCupid.


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> I'm half-assing it on OKCupid.


Thats how everybody is. But its better then nothing


----------



## Jironasaurus

Zeeshan said:


> Thats how everybody is. But its better then nothing


I disagree. Half-assing is as good as doing nothing. First of all, you ain't truly making things happen. Dipping your toes in the water is completely different to diving in, after all.

Secondly, women can sense this. If you're hesitant, you're gonna make them hesitate about you. Which, more often than not, brings about half-assed outcomes.

If you're gonna do it, do it proper. Set up a great profile on OKC, go all the way. Good luck with OKCupid! (It's one of the better dating sites, by the way, in reference to the quality of women on it.)


----------



## TheOtherChosenOne

michijo said:


> I had an idea tonight. Everyday, I will tell one woman that she is extremely attractive. I figure if this is done everyday, eventually one of them, perhaps one with personal problems, will latch onto me.
> 
> It will be merely one simple line "I find you extremely attractive". Then, if she asks, I will even tell her my plan and why I am telling women this.


Were it so easy....


----------



## Zeeshan

After months of intense exercise since April I finally have abdominal cuts!!! Boy whoever said abs are not easy was not kidding

However I estimate that in a months time I will have a douchebag abs pic lol what's more amazing is howy face has change. What was before a stubby look now looks like a square. Also there r cuts like under the mouth that separate the chin

I highly recommend working out


----------



## Rixy

Zeeshan said:


> I highly recommend working out


A lot of the times I get overwhelmed by all of the diet aspects of getting in shape. Do you have a strict diet or do you just eat healthy?

I can understand the confidence boost though. I went for a run the other day for the first time ever and I felt a lot better despite the fact that I couldn't get very far without getting winded. So I shall do that more often now.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rixy said:


> A lot of the times I get overwhelmed by all of the diet aspects of getting in shape. Do you have a strict diet or do you just eat healthy?
> 
> I can understand the confidence boost though. I went for a run the other day for the first time ever and I felt a lot better despite the fact that I couldn't get very far without getting winded. So I shall do that more often now.


I have made zero changes to my diet. In order to lower body fat I got a tablet n loaded it with the episodes of my favorite shows. I just get on the cardio machines n watch them time just flies by I do 80 minutes a day on inclined walking which is two episodes


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

I'm undergoing a training for a job right now, I don't know if I'll pass though(note I have no job experience at age 24). Anyway there are 22 of us trainees and a number of the women are above-average who talks to me and make the advances in making conversation. One is quite really intimate she touches me pats me on the shoulder, and puts her hands/arms around my shoulder and leans on me while talking even if we've just been undergoing training for just 3 days and I don't even talk to her that much. Other one is kinda tease towards me and really friendly, then some of the group of girls are inviting me and other guys for a drink this Wednesday.I can't believe I'm actually getting nervous with this s**t.

Thanks to zero social life stats with not much experience in life in socializing. No girl friends, no guy friends, with only 2 gf at age 13 & 14 still a kid.


----------



## destructor

What am I doing to get a girl? Nothing. Why? Well several reasons, obviously being on here, I have social anxiety to some degree (well mainly only around women I find physically attractive). I also am living with my parents temporarily while I pay off some bills. And I've never really had a serious relationship. I never really learned how to talk to women or relate to them beyond a small talk level and that will only get you so far.

The last time I was semi-seeing someone she claimed it was friends-only despite the fact that she kept expecting me to treat it like a relationship, i.e. making me drive everywhere, getting upset when I didn't reply to her texts/calls, getting upset when I talked to/hung out with other women, talking about other guys to try to make me jealous, etc. She was pretty crazy in general. We met last January (2012) and I cut her off by May. I was just tired of dealing with garbage and her treating me like doormat and her personal chauffeur and expecting me to act like a boyfriend with none of the benefits. She was even a smoker which had I known that prior to meeting her I would've never bothered. Smoking is a deal breaker for me for a girlfriend. The smell irritates me, sometimes giving me a headache. She would snap about stupid things like one time I didn't move a chair the way she wanted me to and she yelled at me about it and then later claimed she was joking. Riiiight....she had issues.

Before that I went on a date with a woman I met on EH and we went out to dinner and it went well I thought and I gave her a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, which in of itself was a big step for me, as I've hardly ever tried that right away. I was going to go for on the lips but decided not to. A couple of days later we were texting and I made a flirty joke related to her studying for something and she got all pissed off about it and gave me the silent treatment and basically I never heard from her again afterwards. Typical flaky woman, which seems to be the ones I find most often.

Other than that, I am afraid of being rejected and being made fun of, laughed at, judged, having others attention on me. I hate being the center of attention or even remotely close to that.

TL;DR: I do nothing because I live with my parents, have social anxiety around women I find attractive, never learned how to talk to/approach women, and I'm afraid of rejection.


----------



## bsd3355

married to school atm


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Not much. Almost nothing. I've asked a girl out a few weeks ago. First time ever. She declined. So while we're still on good terms she's not for me. Before her I just fall in love for a long time and than she'll be gone and I will go my solitary routine again. I just let them go. And I kill myself from the inside.

And I'm beginning to get the feeling that I'm to late now. Who wants a guy who never had a relationship in any form or any duration. I don't meet many women either so I'm screwed. I should not get my hopes up. But at least I'm going to try and be more active and get in shape.


----------



## Zeeshan

Man the self esteem of the men in this thread is so low

Men desperately need a revolution


----------



## Fruitcake

A girl asked if she could come over and play with my ***** and I said "okay."


----------



## Zeeshan

Fruitcake said:


> A girl asked if she could come over and play with my ***** and I said "okay."


There we go some momentum


----------



## Zeeshan

Do you guys think this is a bit aggressive text, how do you think this will turn out

Me: What u up to
Her: Blah blah I did this 
Her: You
Me: So and So lost, just got back from a buds house. You should come cheer me up


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Do you guys think this is a bit aggressive text, how do you think this will turn out
> 
> Me: What u up to
> Her: Blah blah I did this
> Her: You
> Me: So and So lost, just got back from a buds house. You should come cheer me up


Her response,

Your so cute, should i juggle, some stupid quote about the circus

I think i am just going to leave it at that then, not texting her till tomorrow,


----------



## bsd3355

not an aggressive text at all. i do this with every number i get. i usually talk for a bit and ask what she is up to on so and so and ask if she wants to hang out. you have to do it


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> not an aggressive text at all. i do this with every number i get. i usually talk for a bit and ask what she is up to on so and so and ask if she wants to hang out. you have to do it


I think it will be a good idea for me to ignore her reply


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think it will be a good idea for me to ignore her reply


i think you are thinking too much about it. you should think less and act more on impulse because you will never dictate what she ultimately wants because that's what SHE decides. your best best, less energy-consuming and only reasonable alternative is to act on your own impulses with selfish satisfaction

how you text or what you say via text will have little impact on her making her decision if she likes you. she makes that decision on her own, so be yourself and act on your own impulses and stop putting so much energy into thinking about the small pointless details. this goes for anyone who does that. just felt like typing that. why? because i am acting on my own unrestricted impulses. lol. i put out out what i want, when i want and how i want and people will take it how they will take it regardless. same with girls

blah blah blah blah blkah blah


----------



## Jironasaurus

Zeeshan said:


> Do you guys think this is a bit aggressive text, how do you think this will turn out
> 
> Me: What u up to
> Her: Blah blah I did this
> Her: You
> Me: So and So lost, just got back from a buds house. You should come cheer me up


Not aggressive, but just very boring. There's nothing in it for her.

Perhaps this might work better...

Me: What u up to
Her: Blah blah I did this 
Her: You
Me: Being a superhero, saving the world... sans costumes. Reckon I could use a partner here.

Then from there, lead her towards her going over to your place. How you wanna do that, it's up to how you wanna play out the situation. Make it fun, and she'll follow.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jironasaurus said:


> Not aggressive, but just very boring. There's nothing in it for her.
> 
> Perhaps this might work better...
> 
> Me: What u up to
> Her: Blah blah I did this
> Her: You
> Me: Being a superhero, saving the world... sans costumes. Reckon I could use a partner here.
> 
> Then from there, lead her towards her going over to your place. How you wanna do that, it's up to how you wanna play out the situation. Make it fun, and she'll follow.


No im sick of being a clown. Clowns dont get anyhwere, i am not there to entertain her.

People either give me what i want, or they can go die as far as i am concerned.


----------



## destructor

Zeeshan said:


> Do you guys think this is a bit aggressive text, how do you think this will turn out
> 
> Me: What u up to
> Her: Blah blah I did this
> Her: You
> Me: So and So lost, just got back from a buds house. You should come cheer me up


How long have you been talking to her/interested in her? Supposedly women decide if they will have sex with/a relationship with you within the first few minutes of meeting you and nothing you say/do can change it. I don't know if this is necessarily true, just what I've heard. My point is, if you just met her, fine, but if it's been weeks, months, years and nothing's happened, then most likely nothing will. I'm speaking from experience here as I used to be the wait forever type myself.


----------



## arnie

:yay this thread is back :yay


----------



## Jironasaurus

Zeeshan said:


> No im sick of being a clown. Clowns dont get anyhwere, i am not there to entertain her.
> 
> People either give me what i want, or they can go die as far as i am concerned.


No one's going to walk themselves into a win-lose situation. If you're gonna just take value from people and not give any, then be prepared to lose out on a lot.

And no, it's not about being a clown. It's about being your best self.

Maybe you haven't noticed, but people generally won't do something unless there's something in it for them. What did you offer to her that would make her wanna come to you?

EDIT: Your statement above also doesn't make any sense. If people can go die if they don't give you what you want, why would you be concerned about whether the text appears aggro or not?


----------



## D G

Zeeshan said:


> Do you guys think this is a bit aggressive text, how do you think this will turn out
> 
> Me: What u up to
> Her: Blah blah I did this
> Her: You
> Me: So and So lost, just got back from a buds house. You should come cheer me up


Yes, unless you are obviously joking or know eachother well enough already.


----------



## D G

Anyways, i'm just being myself, 100%, it's the only way to not fool yourself.


----------



## Zeeshan

D G said:


> Anyways, i'm just being myself, 100%, it's the only way to not fool yourself.


That's great. My next mission is to ask this one girl I've been crushing on for her number.

No choice but to go for it


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

Zeeshan said:


> No im sick of being a clown. Clowns dont get anyhwere, i am not there to entertain her.
> 
> People either give me what i want, or they can go die as far as i am concerned.


:teeth

I really love this post. And I kind of agree! Except about the dying part.....


----------



## bsd3355

arnie said:


> :yay this thread is back :yay


I'm sure some people have the opposite reaction lol but w/e

My car chronically breaks down, and I just found out the new used car I bought was salvaged.....TWICE....which means it needs to go through another inspection or some other crap. I honestly didn't know much about this stuff before I bought the car or I probably would of avoided it. But, for the most part, the car is solid and runs good. I don't see how the damn car got salvaged twice? It sure as hell doesn't appear that way.

So yeah, if I'm going to go out and get rejected some more by the ladies then I got to find out what the hell is going on with these cars. lol. My white car, the chronic breaker, as predicted, as lost its break lights for the THIRD time, which I'm not sure is the mechanics fault or what as I found out he's been swindling me with prices.

After thursday I'll have more time to get my rejection on though Haha, funny how I openly admit that now. I think it comes with the territory, and I've lost interest in dating casually, which I wanted to do because I didn't date much when I was younger. It'll be interesting to see how I manage this time. It's funny how I come at it with an angle, as if it needs to be played out like a game or some ****. Most of it in my opinion is just accepting that rejection happens a lot, don't take it personally and persist. It's more of an internal game than anything else; self-control. I still hate online dating btw. Mainly because it has sucked *** for me. No worries though, I'll still be that "weird" guy who talk to all the ladies. Some of the reaction at bars are kinda priceless. A lot of "wtf are you talking to me for" looks. Lol. Comes with the territory. Even some of the ugly ones do that when I talk to them in groups. Can't escape it. Maybe it's my beautiful face and its intimidation factor? Yes, that's it. Might also be my man perfume, but my mom says I'm hansom, and that's all that really counts. She might have the hots for me, I'm not sure.

The narcissistic journey continues....


----------



## andy1984

i'm trying online dating again. i went back on the site the day my gf and i broke up. there are 2 girls that are chatting to me now and i think one of them could be pretty good to date. the other could be too, i already talked about SAD with her, just cos it came up, and we were both pretty relaxed about it. i seem to converse online with her a lot easier, i think its good practice thinking up getting-to-know-you questions. i just need to move things along and get the conversation more personal and focus on preparing to date rather than just general chatting.

there's a girl at work... but she's not working in the same room as me anymore. it was good when she was because i was slowly getting more confident and talking a bit. but now i'm afraid i will avoid talking to her because it'd be more public and more.... abrupt i guess.


----------



## VanGogh

bwidger85 said:


> i think you are thinking too much about it. you should think less and act more on impulse because you will never dictate what she ultimately wants because that's what SHE decides. your best best, less energy-consuming and only reasonable alternative is to act on your own impulses with selfish satisfaction
> 
> how you text or what you say via text will have little impact on her making her decision if she likes you. she makes that decision on her own, so be yourself and act on your own impulses and stop putting so much energy into thinking about the small pointless details. this goes for anyone who does that. just felt like typing that. why? because i am acting on my own unrestricted impulses. lol. i put out out what i want, when i want and how i want and people will take it how they will take it regardless. same with girls
> 
> blah blah blah blah blkah blah


^Listen to this guy.

It does help to have greatly-worded texts but that takes time & practice. It's best to go with your "selfish satisfaction" gut (as bwidger85 described it) and potentially trip up than to over-think what you will say, how you will say it, what she might say in response, how to deal with that, etc.


----------



## bsd3355

VanGogh said:


> ^Listen to this guy.
> 
> It does help to have greatly-worded texts but that takes time & practice. It's best to go with your "selfish satisfaction" gut (as bwidger85 described it) and potentially trip up than to over-think what you will say, how you will say it, what she might say in response, how to deal with that, etc.


Right. I used to think saying something clever or "cocky and funny", as David DeAngelo coined it, was something that would be in my favor (that was when I was 18 or so), so i'd text or IM girls on yahoo with every thought with so much energy and focus and trying to do it under a C&F context that DeAngelo talked about; it only left me feeling like women were biological pawns to some "alpha" qualities or some **** and it wasn't really who i am; it made me stiff, fake, and impersonal, which are all things that aren't usually healthy indications for communication and relationships. the best way to go about it, with anyone in general, is to be yourself in such a way that is natural and impulsive based upon your own desire of expression; that can go so far as to accepting shyness when you are shy, to being funny when you feel funny, expressive when feeling expressive, etc. Basically, express how you feel inside without fear because everything that comes out naturally from within is THE best thing to present to people. People aren't stupid and can sense when someone is hiding themselves from insecurities (not saying anyone here is; just being general).

A good note to take from this is that there seems to be a natural connection ("chemistry") between people that is more innate than anything else, but that connection will happen more often when you are yourself by presenting yourself to that person. The more you act with alignment of the person you are inside at any given moment (authenticity) the more you are seen under a better context, the less pressure you put on social situations and on yourself, and the better opportunity you have to connect with people who you have natural chemistry with. You will be shocked to realize there are people out there whom, even though you have SA, you WANT to be around because there is a natural connection, women too. Practice being yourself and be authentic. People who are themselves are usually more confident and less bothered by social pressures because it takes a confident/self-assured person to be their self under any social opposition.

Of course you want to follow proper social behavior and not be pushy or rude, but also know when to ask to hang out and move things forward under the cordial context. If you are strangers and not really sure of each other then obviously talk like normal people and build some connection, comfort, rapport, etc., and then invite her/him out to do something, or ask if they'd like to do something with you: "Hey, what are you up to Tuesday? Want to grab some coffee?", as an example. Light and friendly. I move relatively fast, but that's me. I also play by the rules of normal social behavior (usually). Best bet is to build some rapport LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD; don't view her as some mechanical contraption you need to maneuver; speak your natural impulses, and after you feel it is right then ask her out or invite her out or something.

If you aren't good with rejection, even on a scale of her genuinely not being able to hang out for reasonable reasons, then stop expecting that dating is 100% your way, and that's OK. In my experience, dating is usually 20% my way until I meet a girl of whom we both connect and like each other and then it's more like a give a take of my way and hers with consideration, as it should be.


----------



## Zeeshan

Bwidger your so rigth man. Like I feel the same way now. I think this kind of thinking n acting if mastered will bring success in all areas of life. As well as happiness


----------



## Zeeshan

I don't know whats wrong with I'm on the foulest of moods


----------



## Zeeshan

So I'm officially getting my car upgrade going from 99 Camry to an 2010 Mercedes. Hopefully it will have some impact


----------



## tpol

Where nice clothes and maybe snapbacks haha


----------



## Zeeshan

I really have jealousy issues


----------



## Zeeshan

Yea so i am in trouble again, the minute I went on NOFAP i knew it was going to happen. Two weeks of pure NOFAP, and all of a sudden im a teenager falling in love again. Amazing what those free dopamine cells do

Anyways i have brought up this girl at work before, i havent pursued her but its obvious to her and everyone i like her, and i think she feels the same way. We have been out to lunch several times, but mainly i havent done anything because i like work. So its been going on for months, except the other day i was drinking with her friend, and i happen to mention that i like her. Also i let her know that i wasnt dating my austrian neighbour anymore (Earlier in the thread, the runner girl in the building)

Anyhow, it must have gotten around to her because she was very smiley again. There was a second where i was holding my ear phones to her ear, letting her know what i was listening to, with our eyes completely locked. I could have sworn, i was this close to just kissing her. 

To be honest i dont know where she stands, but i want to date her now. One of the reasons that i havent done anything, is because as people here know i am not exactly normal. So i figured if we get together and then she finds out about my SAD or lack of social life, it would get around. I mean its not normal for people to refuse to answer friends calls etc.

See one of the things about me is that i havent really been in love since College. My longest relationship has been like 3 months, but this girl she had my heart pounding man. I got back to my desk, and boom it was high school and she was my crush. It was so strong that I couldnt concentrate on anything. To be honest, I am really scared of rejection because it means so much. With other girls it doesnt mean much, so i can easily take them out have a good time, because they dont mean anything. 

See this girl gets me so on, that she returns my social anxiety to high school, early college levels. 8 years ago, when it was so bad that i had to take drugs. It kind of sounds stupid to tell people that, considering how close she has been to me. 

Its like catch 22 right, if i dont care about them, they dont make me nervous, and i feel confident and it shows in my interaction with women.

I care about her, and guess what, all of a sudden the nerves start firing, the stomach things start, and before i know it, i am talking about things that dont make sense. 

Anyhow i might as well get it over it with her, because now i have oneitis 100%. This girl messaged me on POF (Fairly attractive) didnt even bother responding. Other girl i was working on texted me, didnt feel like responding.

Sigh, I knew it would happen as soon as I went NOFAP, and those dopamine cells became free


----------



## MurrayJ

I put my best suit on:


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Yea so i am in trouble again, the minute I went on NOFAP i knew it was going to happen. Two weeks of pure NOFAP, and all of a sudden im a teenager falling in love again. Amazing what those free dopamine cells do
> 
> Anyways i have brought up this girl at work before, i havent pursued her but its obvious to her and everyone i like her, and i think she feels the same way. We have been out to lunch several times, but mainly i havent done anything because i like work. So its been going on for months, except the other day i was drinking with her friend, and i happen to mention that i like her. Also i let her know that i wasnt dating my austrian neighbour anymore (Earlier in the thread, the runner girl in the building)
> 
> Anyhow, it must have gotten around to her because she was very smiley again. There was a second where i was holding my ear phones to her ear, letting her know what i was listening to, with our eyes completely locked. I could have sworn, i was this close to just kissing her.
> 
> To be honest i dont know where she stands, but i want to date her now. One of the reasons that i havent done anything, is because as people here know i am not exactly normal. So i figured if we get together and then she finds out about my SAD or lack of social life, it would get around. I mean its not normal for people to refuse to answer friends calls etc.
> 
> See one of the things about me is that i havent really been in love since College. My longest relationship has been like 3 months, but this girl she had my heart pounding man. I got back to my desk, and boom it was high school and she was my crush. It was so strong that I couldnt concentrate on anything. To be honest, I am really scared of rejection because it means so much. With other girls it doesnt mean much, so i can easily take them out have a good time, because they dont mean anything.
> 
> See this girl gets me so on, that she returns my social anxiety to high school, early college levels. 8 years ago, when it was so bad that i had to take drugs. It kind of sounds stupid to tell people that, considering how close she has been to me.
> 
> Its like catch 22 right, if i dont care about them, they dont make me nervous, and i feel confident and it shows in my interaction with women.
> 
> I care about her, and guess what, all of a sudden the nerves start firing, the stomach things start, and before i know it, i am talking about things that dont make sense.
> 
> Anyhow i might as well get it over it with her, because now i have oneitis 100%. This girl messaged me on POF (Fairly attractive) didnt even bother responding. Other girl i was working on texted me, didnt feel like responding.
> 
> Sigh, I knew it would happen as soon as I went NOFAP, and those dopamine cells became free


it could be that you built her up in your mind or anticipation. GL. You're normal, dude. Everyone feels weird sometimes. Just accept it and live your life unchained. you've done a lot. awesome


----------



## bsd3355

went out last night because "ex" came back from florida to visit her friends, family, etc. we hung out at a bar last night. her and her friends all agreed i looked like mackelmore the rapper. i was like "wtf?". it was interesting to watch one huge buff guy going out solo and talking to the girls. usually i'm the one doing that lol. it does look a little weird but i think it should be fairly normal. i think most people don't often venture too far and do these things. i think some people don't need to, but maybe i'm wrong. maybe more people do that than i think?

might go out tonight but not sure because car

me from last night (on the left):


----------



## srschirm

You look like a really fun guy, bwidger.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> You look like a really fun guy, bwidger.


Thanks man. I was actually kind of bored tbh. lol. I'm not really a social person but w/e


----------



## lightningstorm

I have finally discovered that I had not been talking to girls for a very long time. From now on, I made some goals to meet women on my campus. Basically I would be starting a conversation with them and try to hold a conversation with them and see if we can become friends. But, I am really on with my goal here. Trying my best to succeed with women.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> it could be that you built her up in your mind or anticipation. GL. You're normal, dude. Everyone feels weird sometimes. Just accept it and live your life unchained. you've done a lot. awesome


Yea but i have to try my shot at her. Yes i understand that she is just another girl, but it was just a matter of time.

Lets find out this week


----------



## voodoochild16

I do also believe in wearing good clothes to look better for woman and such and such, but you would be suprised at how more interested they are in you when you just have a piece of crap vehicle. If they like the car the most then they are thinking money in their heads, which is not a good partner to be with.


----------



## bsd3355

voodoochild16 said:


> I do also believe in wearing good clothes to look better for woman and such and such, but you would be suprised at how more interested they are in you when you just have a piece of crap vehicle. If they like the car the most then they are thinking money in their heads, which is not a good partner to be with.


Having a nice car will do little if you aren't talking and meeting lots of girls. They aren't going to stop you while you are driving, compliment your car (which they probably don't really care about), and then demand you drive them around and be their boyfriend. All that really matters is that you are meeting lots and lots and lots of girls, which ever way you can do it. I wouldn't even worry about what you drive as taking action is far more important.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Having a nice car will do little if you aren't talking and meeting lots of girls. They aren't going to stop you while you are driving, compliment your car (which they probably don't really care about), and then demand you drive them around and be their boyfriend. All that really matters is that you are meeting lots and lots and lots of girls, which ever way you can do it. I wouldn't even worry about what you drive as taking action is far more important.


Recent study showed that women rate men with expensive cars as many as 2 grades more attractive. It might not work in a cold approach but in another setting it could make her more attracted to you.

I have always overheard women in the office or college judging men by their cars.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Recent study showed that women rate men with expensive cars as many as 2 grades more attractive. It might not work in a cold approach but in another setting it could make her more attracted to you.
> 
> I have always overheard women in the office or college judging men by their cars.


It will do little if you aren't meeting girls in the first place. I can guarantee you that. The only time I'd buy a car to impress the girls is if my car looked something like this:









Believe it or not, I have dated many girls with a car that was in this league of crap.

I'm honestly surprised people think having a nice car will do that much. Not trying to be degrading, but it shows a serious lack of understanding, I think. If your car looks like **** then ANY car is an upgrade because of the impression it may give off. However, there is no need to buy a really expensive car to get girls. I just feel like you guys should know this because it's kind of common sense.

No educated and financially stable woman would like to be picked up in a ****ty car for the firs date because it gives off the impression that you are an uneducated and poor loser. But this goes for any sex. Would you want to date a girl who seemed not to have any respect, money or education? Hell no. Well, you might not care if you were a loser yourself. Common sense stuff.


----------



## J29Davis

If you like a girl who bumps into you now and then, it’s always better to get her to notice you first before you walk up to her and charm her pants off.
Dress well, make eye contact (they like it), get to know one of her friends (is the surest way). It's not that hard.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> It will do little if you aren't meeting girls in the first place. I can guarantee you that. The only time I'd buy a car to impress the girls is if my car looked something like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Believe it or not, I have dated many girls with a car that was in this league of crap.
> 
> I'm honestly surprised people think having a nice car will do that much. Not trying to be degrading, but it shows a serious lack of understanding, I think. If your car looks like **** then ANY car is an upgrade because of the impression it may give off. However, there is no need to buy a really expensive car to get girls. I just feel like you guys should know this because it's kind of common sense.
> 
> No educated and financially stable woman would like to be picked up in a ****ty car for the firs date because it gives off the impression that you are an uneducated and poor loser. But this goes for any sex. Would you want to date a girl who seemed not to have any respect, money or education? Hell no. Well, you might not care if you were a loser yourself. Common sense stuff.


I respectfully disagree

Google car n women study. Its been scientifically proven that women find men in expensive cars more attractive


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I respectfully disagree
> 
> Google car n women study. Its been scientifically proven that women find men in expensive cars more attractive


So you think this is going to help you how much exactly? Can you give me an example on how this is going to help you attract "X" girl? Not trying to pick on you, but I'm just curious.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So you think this is going to help you how much exactly? Can you give me an example on how this is going to help you attract "X" girl? Not trying to pick on you, but I'm just curious.


I guess we gonna find out


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> I guess we gonna find out


VW Golf 3 1996 here with 2 damages from accidents.......:teeth It is a cool car even if I had the money I wouldnt buy a better/newer one (cause this one runs). Guess its nothing for women, but who cares........

I always drove VWs and it had no impact (neither negative or positive). But maybe we have guys with big BMW or Porsche here. I can assure you however from observation that looking wealthy (not only a good car) is of course plus for women..


----------



## Zeeshan

Its all relative everything that's above average is a plus in life in general 

Just like baseball


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> VW Golf 3 1996 here with 2 damages from accidents.......:teeth It is a cool car even if I had the money I wouldnt buy a better/newer one (cause this one runs). Guess its nothing for women, but who cares........
> 
> I always drove VWs and it had no impact (neither negative or positive). But maybe we have guys with big BMW or Porsche here. I can assure you however from observation that looking wealthy (not only a good car) is of course plus for women..


Well yeah, but I guess all I'm saying is if you simply buy a car to get women's attention it won't do you much good unless you are actually meeting MORE women, which ever way you do it.

Either way, upgrading is always a plus, I agree. But it isn't always necessary either.


----------



## always starting over

I'm trying to take it slow and relax a little. There is a girl i have my eye on in both of my summer classes. I'm attracted to her and I'm almost positive she's attracted to me. I don't want to come on too strong, which is how I usually mess up, so I'm trying to just get to know her slowly, making small talk here and there. Both of my teachers have mentioned "field trips" off hand and asked who in the class have cars. She doesn't and I do, so I'm pretty sure that would be a great time to build more of a personal relationship, even if it's gradual.


----------



## bsd3355

Well, looks like i'll be posting on here some more being that I like to share about this...

Went out for basically an hour downtown. I was going to go out last night but decided against it because I didn't have my head right about it; almost didn't go out tonight because but then I thought about it and I really don't have an option. I was thinking about maybe doing some approaches in stores or on campus or something but campus is out for a bit and stores can be empty a lot, so I realized I didn't really have an option so I went even though I didn't want to.

I went to one bar with a live band and then left after one beer because I didn't like it there. I then went to another bar but it seemed dead and left after another beer; talked to some guys outside, then decided to walk around a bit before I left. As I was walking I saw two girls coming my way and I basically was like, "Hey ladies! How are you doing tonight!?" I stuck out both my hand and grabbed their hands and it was a friendly approach. I then was like, "where's all the fun bars around here?" They were nice and I then told them the real reason I stopped them was because I thought they were cute and they kept saying I was nice and all that. They were getting into the firefly, which is a building 20 feet behind me, so I walked them to the door and got one of the girl's number real fast. She kept saying I was real nice.

I know from experience that numbers don't necessary mean squat so I am not holding my breath whenever I get a number. I try to go out with that in mind. No matter what you do or say, or even how well or bad the conversation goes, you can never tell who is going to respond or date you sometimes, and that's just how it goes.

So college is dead and the bars are dead now because college is out. Therefore, going out tonight showed me that if I go out to bars then I am going to have to approach with no hesitation and I can't skip opportunities or I'll be wasting my time.

Biggest lesson tonight is that I don't have much options and so I need to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself and one of my biggest problems in the past is that I hid my intentions about meeting girls, which meant I waited for the perfect opportunity and also that I didn't want people to know. However, it is self-sabotage to do that and I must come to terms with feeling fine about approaching and showing my intentions. This is something I will work on more. 

Will try and go out again tomorrow.


----------



## Rossy

Got my eyes on a new girl


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Its all relative everything that's above average is a plus in life in general
> 
> Just like baseball


Life is a competition basically. And women are extremely status-conscious compared to men. Women will typically have sex with lots of high status males (bad boys, guitar players in some cover band, sexy 6 foot tall+, ripped, muscular studs, etc.) who are above their league. These men will pump and dump these women. And the woman in her delusion will think that she is actually entitled to a relationship with a guy on that level. And will think that the guys that are actually on her level are losers. She will even think that the guys who are even above her level but below the level of the high status males who have pumped and dumped her are losers.

And then the woman tires of riding the alpha **** carousel because she realizes that she's never going to get an alpha boyfriend/husband she's hoping for plus she's getting old and her eggs are nearing the Best Before date. She will then settle with a beta/omega male (that is actually on her level or maybe even above her level to a degree) that she can boss around and take advantage of.

Women today are fatter and more demanding. Large and in charge. Working in an office all day plus consuming the very unhealthy food of our modern era is making women fat plus they don't need a man to survive financially so why should she need to be thin in an attempt to get a husband anyway? They can earn their own income and have their sex toys. They only care for the alpha bad boys (even they may be made obsolete with the sex toys. But winning an alpha bad boy boyfriend brings them a lot of social status that they can use as bragging rights with their girlfriends. That's why they strive to win an alpha bf. Unfortunately for women it's a very competitive game and most don't win the alpha douche sweepstakes. And they cry to us beta males and expect us to feel sorry for them. Boo hoo. Don't come to us with your white people problems) and they may settle for a beta that she can fleece financially and otherwise.

Marriage, long-term relationships, short-term relationships and even "game" are losing games for men. The sooner they realize this, the better they are off. I haven't went on a date since January. I pretty much gave up since February and have kinda went into semi-retirement. I can bang a girl who is a perfect 10 in the looks department when I want to. The downside is that I would have to pay cash. But when I look back to all the money and time I have spent trying to chase after sub-par women, because I knew I couldn't get the cuter and hotter women (where the competition is fierce), who cares? I was basically going gaga over two girls within the last year who were basically on my level looks wise. But I pedestalized them like they were above me. Even though I had banged a much hotter woman and got blown by a perfect 10 Portuguese goddess. Why? Because I wanted "companionship", cuddles and "love"? Chasing after a Disney fantasy of "love" thinking that this would give my life meaning and make me happily ever after.

In an atomized society where family, friendships and work relationships are shallow, who cares if society thinks you are a loser? Why live to impress other people when you can live for your own happiness? Women offer little companionship value because women are all about wanting to look good in front of their friends and what you can do for them. They don't know what loyalty is. Look at the 53% divorce rate in Canada. If you want a companion, a dog is more suitable. The loyalty may only come after they fall in love with you. But in order to get them to fall in love with you, you have to be that high status male they are looking for in the first place. They want to be loved by a man who is prized by other women. It's all about social comparison. Love is rooted in shallowness and Darwinism. There is nothing exalted about love. And regular sex with a sub-par woman is practically meaningless compared to having infrequent sex with hot women (from my personal experience).

On a couple of dating sites (mostly from a hookup site), I pretended to be a hot girl (picture and everything) and fooled a number of alpha douchebag guys (the type of guys you will find on body building forums) as well as another woman, into showing up to an apartment building near me and giving them a random room number. lol. Having that kind of power over these alpha douches is very amazing (nerd's revenge never tasted so sweet. One guy drove 115 km each way to meet my fake female) and I can understand why women let that go to their head and think they are hot ****. I don't blame women for being the way they are. Men behave in ways that encourage women to be like this.


----------



## Glass Child

To be honest, internet.
Never on a dating site, but I find the most intellectual and interesting people over my computer.


----------



## MusingForX

phoenixwright said:


> Life is a competition basically. And women are extremely status-conscious compared to men. Women will typically have sex with lots of high status males (bad boys, guitar players in some cover band, sexy 6 foot tall+, ripped, muscular studs, etc.) who are above their league. These men will pump and dump these women. And the woman in her delusion will think that she is actually entitled to a relationship with a guy on that level. And will think that the guys that are actually on her level are losers. She will even think that the guys who are even above her level but below the level of the high status males who have pumped and dumped her are losers.


I understand the cynicism, but they are fine girls that also understand this dynamic too. It is because girls are as bright as guys. And where a lot of guys imagine to attain the perfect 10, the same proportion of girls want the same.



> And then the woman tires of riding the alpha **** carousel because she realizes that she's never going to get an alpha boyfriend/husband she's hoping for plus she's getting old and her eggs are nearing the Best Before date. She will then settle with a beta/omega male (that is actually on her level or maybe even above her level to a degree) that she can boss around and take advantage of.


Yes, on the dating scene, it is quite obvious when you meet a person who thinks she is all that and looking to settle above her pay grade. But they're not all that way. I've once met a socially anxious gorgeous doctor just wanting to find a normal person ( and not a superstar) to settle with. Of course, she had that bookish nerd façade, but I knew what was there and I was not disappointed.



> Women today are fatter and more demanding. Large and in charge. Working in an office all day plus consuming the very unhealthy food of our modern era is making women fat plus they don't need a man to survive financially so why should she need to be thin in an attempt to get a husband anyway? They can earn their own income and have their sex toys. They only care for the alpha bad boys (even they may be made obsolete with the sex toys. But winning an alpha bad boy boyfriend brings them a lot of social status that they can use as bragging rights with their girlfriends. That's why they strive to win an alpha bf. Unfortunately for women it's a very competitive game and most don't win the alpha douche sweepstakes. And they cry to us beta males and expect us to feel sorry for them. Boo hoo. Don't come to us with your white people problems) and they may settle for a beta that she can fleece financially and otherwise.


Again. See above. As another personal example. I know a girl who is fine looking that did her studies abroad at oxford law. And she is just looking to find a normal person to be happy with.



> Marriage, long-term relationships, short-term relationships and even "game" are losing games for men. The sooner they realize this, the better they are off. I haven't went on a date since January. I pretty much gave up since February and have kinda went into semi-retirement. I can bang a girl who is a perfect 10 in the looks department when I want to. The downside is that I would have to pay cash. But when I look back to all the money and time I have spent trying to chase after sub-par women, because I knew I couldn't get the cuter and hotter women (where the competition is fierce), who cares? I was basically going gaga over two girls within the last year who were basically on my level looks wise. But I pedestalized them like they were above me. Even though I had banged a much hotter woman and got blown by a perfect 10 Portuguese goddess. Why? Because I wanted "companionship", cuddles and "love"? Chasing after a Disney fantasy of "love" thinking that this would give my life meaning and make me happily ever after.


Life is a negotiation. If I have my eyes on a girl, it is somewhat my job to make her realize that the deal is good.



> In an atomized society where family, friendships and work relationships are shallow, who cares if society thinks you are a loser? Why live to impress other people when you can live for your own happiness? Women offer little companionship value because women are all about wanting to look good in front of their friends and what you can do for them. They don't know what loyalty is. Look at the 53% divorce rate in Canada. If you want a companion, a dog is more suitable. The loyalty may only come after they fall in love with you. But in order to get them to fall in love with you, you have to be that high status male they are looking for in the first place. They want to be loved by a man who is prized by other women. It's all about social comparison. Love is rooted in shallowness and Darwinism. There is nothing exalted about love. And regular sex with a sub-par woman is practically meaningless compared to having infrequent sex with hot women (from my personal experience).


In this, though, I agree.


----------



## splitimage

phoenixwright said:


> On a couple of dating sites (mostly from a hookup site), I pretended to be a hot girl (picture and everything) and fooled a number of alpha douchebag guys (the type of guys you will find on body building forums) as well as another woman, into showing up to an apartment building near me and giving them a random room number. lol. Having that kind of power over these alpha douches is very amazing (nerd's revenge never tasted so sweet. One guy drove 115 km each way to meet my fake female) and I can understand why women let that go to their head and think they are hot ****. I don't blame women for being the way they are. Men behave in ways that encourage women to be like this.


Sorry to hijack this thread.

I'm not sure that your "experiment" really proves much. You say that women only go for the alpha males, but this seems to indicate the reverse... that alpha males will quickly jump at the opportunity to engage with an attractive female. Like Musing said, as much as there are women who seek out the perfect 10, there are also guys that do the same thing. And maybe those are the types of people whose friends place a high emphasis on other people's statuses.

But not all females are like this. Do you think a fake profile would have gotten the same amount of attention if you made the girl sound and look "average"?

I've gone the online dating route before. Despite what guys seem to believe on this site, I was not swamped with messages. I even had guys not respond to some of the messages I sent them. And I didn't go for any of those "alpha males" that you are referring to. Those kind of guys intimidate me.



phoenixwright said:


> But when I look back to all the money and time I have spent trying to chase after sub-par women, because I knew I couldn't get the cuter and hotter women (where the competition is fierce), who cares? I was basically going gaga over two girls within the last year who were basically on my level looks wise. But I pedestalized them like they were above me. Even though I had banged a much hotter woman and got blown by a perfect 10 Portuguese goddess.


You are doing the exact same thing here that you are complaining that women do, seeking out that perfect 10. Maybe if you stop thinking that certain women are sub-par based on looks, you might actually have more success in this area?


----------



## phoenixwright

MusingForX said:


> Life is a negotiation. If I have my eyes on a girl, it is somewhat my job to make her realize that the deal is good.


This is true. On the flip side, she also has to make you realize that her deal is good too. Women put very little effort in trying to convince a non-alpha that her deal is good. Because women assume that any non-alpha is desperate to get at any vagine they can get. Which is true for the vast majority of men.

At the end of the day relationships are a transaction. A negotiation like you said. When I think about relationships from a business perspective, it's impossible for me to fall in love. After all I don't love my boss. If relationships are a transaction, I might as well treat it like a transaction and take it to the logical conclusion: hire escorts by the hour or half-hour for their "companionship". If I was wealthy and I could afford to buy larger blocks of a woman's time, I would explore the sugar daddy route. From my experience, quality is more important than quantity.

The only downside to the MGTOW movement (Men Who Go Their Own Way) is that people may think you are weird for being chronically single. But who the **** are these people anyway and why should I have to impress them? There's no one in my life right now who is judgmental of what I have done aside from my parents and siblings (I don't tell them about my past). Any "friends" or family who feel the need to judge me for being single, they are not friends. I can cut them out of my life. And I don't trust any of my co-workers or my boss. I am not friends with them. So why should I care what they think of my personal life? I only care about what my boss is paying me. And I'm not about to kiss *** and play friendly with my co-workers to get ahead professionally because I just can't deal with that. I know it would benefit me financially in the long run but I don't the patience and the stomach to play office politics.



splitimage said:


> But not all females are like this. Do you think a fake profile would have gotten the same amount of attention if you made the girl sound and look "average"?
> 
> I've gone the online dating route before. Despite what guys seem to believe on this site, I was not swamped with messages. I even had guys not respond to some of the messages I sent them. And I didn't go for any of those "alpha males" that you are referring to. Those kind of guys intimidate me.


I should do this experiment. Other men have tried this experiment and confirmed what we all thought. That men are desperate and will go after anything with a functional vagina.



> You are doing the exact same thing here that you are complaining that women do, seeking out that perfect 10. Maybe if you stop thinking that certain women are sub-par based on looks, you might actually have more success in this area?


The girls I was going for were a 7-8 at best. They were girls that I felt were within my scope. But a 7-8 girl can easily get "10" alpha guys lining up at their door (the problem is that the 10 alpha guys won't commit that easily). Many of the girls I've dated and talked to were 5 and below because I saw how hard the market was out there and I was lowering my standards just to be able to compete and sometimes that works out and unfortunately most of the time it does not. What's the point in going after 7-8s and even 5 and belows who think they are too good for you and waste your time and money on dates, clubbing, the bar scene, alcoholic drinks and dating site subscriptions when you can get 8-10s with little effort if you sweeten the deal with some cash?


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> This is true. On the flip side, she also has to make you realize that her deal is good too. Women put very little effort in trying to convince a non-alpha that her deal is good. Because women assume that any non-alpha is desperate to get at any vagine they can get. Which is true for the vast majority of men.
> 
> At the end of the day relationships are a transaction. A negotiation like you said. When I think about relationships from a business perspective, it's impossible for me to fall in love. After all I don't love my boss. If relationships are a transaction, I might as well treat it like a transaction and take it to the logical conclusion: hire escorts by the hour or half-hour for their "companionship". If I was wealthy and I could afford to buy larger blocks of a woman's time, I would explore the sugar daddy route. From my experience, quality is more important than quantity.
> 
> The only downside to the MGTOW movement (Men Who Go Their Own Way) is that people may think you are weird for being chronically single. But who the **** are these people anyway and why should I have to impress them? There's no one in my life right now who is judgmental of what I have done aside from my parents and siblings (I don't tell them about my past). Any "friends" or family who feel the need to judge me for being single, they are not friends. I can cut them out of my life. And I don't trust any of my co-workers or my boss. I am not friends with them. So why should I care what they think of my personal life? I only care about what my boss is paying me. And I'm not about to kiss *** and play friendly with my co-workers to get ahead professionally because I just can't deal with that. I know it would benefit me financially in the long run but I don't the patience and the stomach to play office politics.
> 
> I should do this experiment. Other men have tried this experiment and confirmed what we all thought. That men are desperate and will go after anything with a functional vagina.
> 
> The girls I was going for were a 7-8 at best. They were girls that I felt were within my scope. But a 7-8 girl can easily get "10" alpha guys lining up at their door (the problem is that the 10 alpha guys won't commit that easily). Many of the girls I've dated and talked to were 5 and below because I saw how hard the market was out there and I was lowering my standards just to be able to compete and sometimes that works out and unfortunately most of the time it does not. What's the point in going after 7-8s and even 5 and belows who think they are too good for you and waste your time and money on dates, clubbing, the bar scene, alcoholic drinks and dating site subscriptions when you can get 8-10s with little effort if you sweeten the deal with some cash?


How was your mri


----------



## Consider

phoenixwright said:


> Life is a competition basically. And women are extremely status-conscious compared to men. Women will typically have sex with lots of high status males (bad boys, guitar players in some cover band, sexy 6 foot tall+, ripped, muscular studs, etc.) who are above their league. These men will pump and dump these women. And the woman in her delusion will think that she is actually entitled to a relationship with a guy on that level. And will think that the guys that are actually on her level are losers. She will even think that the guys who are even above her level but below the level of the high status males who have pumped and dumped her are losers.
> 
> And then the woman tires of riding the alpha **** carousel because she realizes that she's never going to get an alpha boyfriend/husband she's hoping for plus she's getting old and her eggs are nearing the Best Before date. She will then settle with a beta/omega male (that is actually on her level or maybe even above her level to a degree) that she can boss around and take advantage of.
> 
> Women today are fatter and more demanding. Large and in charge. Working in an office all day plus consuming the very unhealthy food of our modern era is making women fat plus they don't need a man to survive financially so why should she need to be thin in an attempt to get a husband anyway? They can earn their own income and have their sex toys. They only care for the alpha bad boys (even they may be made obsolete with the sex toys. But winning an alpha bad boy boyfriend brings them a lot of social status that they can use as bragging rights with their girlfriends. That's why they strive to win an alpha bf. Unfortunately for women it's a very competitive game and most don't win the alpha douche sweepstakes. And they cry to us beta males and expect us to feel sorry for them. Boo hoo. Don't come to us with your white people problems) and they may settle for a beta that she can fleece financially and otherwise.
> 
> Marriage, long-term relationships, short-term relationships and even "game" are losing games for men. The sooner they realize this, the better they are off. I haven't went on a date since January. I pretty much gave up since February and have kinda went into semi-retirement. I can bang a girl who is a perfect 10 in the looks department when I want to. The downside is that I would have to pay cash. But when I look back to all the money and time I have spent trying to chase after sub-par women, because I knew I couldn't get the cuter and hotter women (where the competition is fierce), who cares? I was basically going gaga over two girls within the last year who were basically on my level looks wise. But I pedestalized them like they were above me. Even though I had banged a much hotter woman and got blown by a perfect 10 Portuguese goddess. Why? Because I wanted "companionship", cuddles and "love"? Chasing after a Disney fantasy of "love" thinking that this would give my life meaning and make me happily ever after.
> 
> In an atomized society where family, friendships and work relationships are shallow, who cares if society thinks you are a loser? Why live to impress other people when you can live for your own happiness? Women offer little companionship value because women are all about wanting to look good in front of their friends and what you can do for them. They don't know what loyalty is. Look at the 53% divorce rate in Canada. If you want a companion, a dog is more suitable. The loyalty may only come after they fall in love with you. But in order to get them to fall in love with you, you have to be that high status male they are looking for in the first place. They want to be loved by a man who is prized by other women. It's all about social comparison. Love is rooted in shallowness and Darwinism. There is nothing exalted about love. And regular sex with a sub-par woman is practically meaningless compared to having infrequent sex with hot women (from my personal experience).
> 
> On a couple of dating sites (mostly from a hookup site), I pretended to be a hot girl (picture and everything) and fooled a number of alpha douchebag guys (the type of guys you will find on body building forums) as well as another woman, into showing up to an apartment building near me and giving them a random room number. lol. Having that kind of power over these alpha douches is very amazing (nerd's revenge never tasted so sweet. One guy drove 115 km each way to meet my fake female) and I can understand why women let that go to their head and think they are hot ****. I don't blame women for being the way they are. Men behave in ways that encourage women to be like this.


#umadbro2013
#whitepeopleproblems


----------



## Frostbite

Absolutely nothing!


----------



## Zeeshan

Consider said:


> #umadbro2013
> #whitepeopleproblems


Lol yep more like western problems


----------



## splitimage

phoenixwright said:


> Many of the girls I've dated and talked to were 5 and below because I saw how hard the market was out there and I was lowering my standards just to be able to compete *and sometimes that works out and unfortunately most of the time it does not*. What's the point in going after 7-8s and even 5 and belows who think they are too good for you and waste your time and money on dates, clubbing, the bar scene, alcoholic drinks and dating site subscriptions when you can get 8-10s with little effort if you sweeten the deal with some cash?


That happens with dating. Not everyone you date is going to work out I don't know of anyone who got it right without having a few bad experiences along the way. You may be able to pay for a night with what you call an "8-10", but that doesn't lead to anything further. If you throw in the towel on the relationship part though, you won't ever find someone where it does work out (and that's the point of this thread, no?)

You say that girls think they're too good for you, yet you've also said that you've pedestalized girls who were on your level. I don't know what happened in those experiences you speak of, but it almost sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy... you expect women to act a certain way so that's how you interpret things.


----------



## komorikun

Wow, I can't believe phoenix had people show up to meet some fictitious person. That's pretty vindictive.


----------



## bsd3355

komorikun said:


> Wow, I can't believe phoenix had people show up to meet some fictitious person. That's pretty vindictive.


I'm not surprised. He's only hurting himself with his negative attitude and ego. What goes around comes around eventually.

However, I do agree that there are a lot of guys who screw themselves over with their naivety, but it's not ONLY men either. Women do the same thing. But why be angry for guys who screw themselves over? Obviously they haven't learned their lesson and it is usually within their self-control.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Wow, I can't believe phoenix had people show up to meet some fictitious person. That's pretty vindictive.


Srs brah

(I've been reading bodybuilding forum)


----------



## srschirm

Consider said:


> #umadbro2013
> #whitepeopleproblems


Why don't you actually come up with a rebuttal? A lot of what Phoenix says is true.


----------



## bsd3355

Today was my day off (as is tomorrow) so I figured I'd spend part of the day seeing if I can go meet any girls.

Went to the local campus for a bit and walked around. Saw a couple girls but didn't approach. Later on in the day went to two stores, and saw one girl but didn't approach.

I didn't think I'd try stores again because I think it is the most time consuming travel-wise and often when you get to a store sometimes there is no one there you want to approach, at least where I live, but it's that time of the year when college is out and everything slows down, so there really much chance to meet girl sunless you do online dating, which I'm not currently interested in because it sucks for me.

Today I had some opportunities that I didn't take, which, while I didn't take them, it was at least cool to see that I don't have to depend on bars when college is out in this college town. Today felt like a day where I just wanted to see what it was like again and just get a sense of what it is I have to do to make it happen. I realize all this sounds gamey on my part, but I think having a plan of action is important because it gives you confidence, so take it how you will. It is kind of abnormal to approach in some places, which I realize, so it takes a little bit of courage and creativity. A lot of it is just feeling OK with doing such things. I see it as starting a conversation, asking for a number, and it isn't my intention nor my desire to make it weird obviously.

The girls I could of talked to on campus was something I should know how to do by now but I simply didn't do it. The girl at the store is a little further out my comfort zone so I figure next time I see a girl I'd like to talk to I'll comment on an item or something by her, or ask an opinion of an item, then get into a conversation. Most probably won't want to get into a conversation but if my vibe is good then it won't seem abnormal and if the girl is willing to talk then even better. One step at a time for now, and I feel like I'm slowly building up that all important "momentum" and confidence in this regard.

Tomorrow is my day off again so I'll probably do the same thing I did today. Will see what happens. I feel good about going out today and giving it a whirl.

I'm going to get back into working out and staying healthy. It has become increasingly evident that taking personal care of myself is more for ME and my self-esteem than it is for any girl or person. Taking care of yourself and being healthy makes you feel better about yourself, which is always good when you are back on the dating scene. Having confidence is always very important, and overall it makes me feel better in general.

Now just got to step it up and take lots of action.


----------



## Brandeezy

Tried POF again and failed :/


----------



## Whatev

phoenixwright said:


> On a couple of dating sites (mostly from a hookup site), I pretended to be a hot girl (picture and everything) and fooled a number of alpha douchebag guys (the type of guys you will find on body building forums) as well as another woman, into showing up to an apartment building near me and giving them a random room number. lol. Having that kind of power over these alpha douches is very amazing (nerd's revenge never tasted so sweet. One guy drove 115 km each way to meet my fake female) and I can understand why women let that go to their head and think they are hot ****. I don't blame women for being the way they are. Men behave in ways that encourage women to be like this.


This totally reminded me of the movie Joy Ride. You tell them to bring the pink champagne too?


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Tried POF again and failed :/


Honestly its not your fault look for women offline that's what I do now.


----------



## bsd3355

too damn lazy and don't care today


----------



## ManOfFewWords

The McWrap is pretty good.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> too damn lazy and don't care today


Research kakanomics


----------



## mezzoforte

Lynvana said:


> To be honest, internet.
> Never on a dating site, but I find the most intellectual and interesting people over my computer.


Same.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Research kakanomics


Cool word bro. Got anymore? jk

I briefly read up on it; I don't think a day's worth of laziness is anything to worry about


----------



## bsd3355

Talked to two girls on campus today. One had a boyfriend and the other I got her number. Also went to two stores but didn't see anyone I'd approach. 

It sounds simple, which is one reason why it kind of excites me, but I'm interested in what having a random conversation in a store will do? I've done it before, but I want to focus more on how the girls responds this time. I'm kind of doing the store thing just to see what reactions I get. I think focusing on other things rather than the number seems a little bit more sensible this time around. Why waste time if the girl isn't even interested in talking? It sounds like "duh, dude", and like I said, I'm interested in the responses. I used to get weird responses and I think most of it isn't really how I'm coming off as it is the girl's view on the matter, and so gauging a girl's response will basically make it an easy process to get to know her, get her number or ask her on a date. In other words, just that I start a conversation is enough if the girl is interested enough to chat, and if she's interested enough to chat then it makes the process simple and smooth. Why fight up hill with something when from the get-go the girl has preconceived notions of not being interested or willing to chat? This is why I want to focus on the responses more now--it makes the process less strenuous and easier for me.

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with me or how I come across. I am a good conversationalist, I am polite and I am considerate in conversation and I make it easy for people to communicate with me. So it makes sense that it is a preconceived notion that bad a response, or lack of a response, isn't truly my fault or anything "bad" I did! Whether the girl doesn't find me attractive, thinks I'm some sleazeball, has a boyfriend, or simply doesn't want to chat, is usually a notion that is worthless to engage in; therefore, just look for good responses, possibly try to test if I can get her talking a bit, and make it an easy process for me. Like duh dude.

I make it sound complicated but I just have a lot to say on the subject. In reality, it isn't complicated so I don't want people to get that impression either. This is more for my own confidence than anything else.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Talked to two girls on campus today. One had a boyfriend and the other I got her number. Also went to two stores but didn't see anyone I'd approach.
> 
> It sounds simple, which is one reason why it kind of excites me, but I'm interested in what having a random conversation in a store will do? I've done it before, but I want to focus more on how the girls responds this time. I'm kind of doing the store thing just to see what reactions I get. I think focusing on other things rather than the number seems a little bit more sensible this time around. Why waste time if the girl isn't even interested in talking? It sounds like "duh, dude", and like I said, I'm interested in the responses. I used to get weird responses and I think most of it isn't really how I'm coming off as it is the girl's view on the matter, and so gauging a girl's response will basically make it an easy process to get to know her, get her number or ask her on a date. In other words, just that I start a conversation is enough if the girl is interested enough to chat, and if she's interested enough to chat then it makes the process simple and smooth. Why fight up hill with something when from the get-go the girl has preconceived notions of not being interested or willing to chat? This is why I want to focus on the responses more now--it makes the process less strenuous and easier for me.
> 
> Honestly, there is nothing wrong with me or how I come across. I am a good conversationalist, I am polite and I am considerate in conversation and I make it easy for people to communicate with me. So it makes sense that it is a preconceived notion that bad a response, or lack of a response, isn't truly my fault or anything "bad" I did! Whether the girl doesn't find me attractive, thinks I'm some sleazeball, has a boyfriend, or simply doesn't want to chat, is usually a notion that is worthless to engage in; therefore, just look for good responses, possibly try to test if I can get her talking a bit, and make it an easy process for me. Like duh dude.
> 
> I make it sound complicated but I just have a lot to say on the subject. In reality, it isn't complicated so I don't want people to get that impression either. This is more for my own confidence than anything else.


Yo I'm gonna pm u I need some advice that's a bit to specific n I don't know what to do.


----------



## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> What's the point in going after 7-8s and even 5 and belows who think they are too good for you and waste your time and money on dates, clubbing, the bar scene, alcoholic drinks and dating site subscriptions when you can get 8-10s with little effort if you sweeten the deal with some cash?


I think - guess - that the internet has brought a big change "on the market" (like you name it) in favor of women. They need just to put up hot pics and get tons of messages and compliments. Of course that will show them how worthy, hot and desirable they are.... so of course the price (to stay with the market analogy) goes up. In this case the price of the more average women, which also means the price generally for women goes up and gives them also much more options to select from (at least for short term RS or casual sex). The price of (most) men however went down cause women have much more options now. Of course also they often have it easier to find a job cause for example in retail pretty women are prefered to normal looking men (which is understandable). Also we have now much women in high positions (same as blacks for example who also gained much even presidency!)....and I am really supportive of that as I believe both genders should be treated equal. However now men become the "lower" gender it seems (slowly though)....

Ergo (even if some women on here will disagree of course and will say what I write is weird or wrong), in the last 10-15 yrs I believe it indeed has gotten quite difficult for "normal" men. So this not complaining from my side btw, just an analysis.

We men have to deal with that and dont complain, see women had to deal with being the "lower" kind of gender for centuries (and it may still be so in certain cultures, ex. muslim) but in the western world imho now the female gender has generally more options and also gained power.

Just again its ok and no complaint, of course men only average in looks and with stricken by SA and/or depressions now have it really not easy. This also why tons of complaints about women can be read here, which are mostly just the result of the process I described above (that women have much more options and more "power" now - they will judge their own worth higher than that it may be realistic - as well the average mens value is lower now) 

We can assume the "worth" of average western white men has gone down in the last years. Which may be only fair, cause he used to rule the world (and suepress it with wars and strangled poor countries: imperialism, colonialism and slavery) for quite a long time. Now the western female and other cultures of the world (like Chinese) take their "revenge" and piece of cake.....


----------



## Nexus777

bwidger85 said:


> I stopped them was because I thought they were cute and they kept saying I was nice and all that. They were getting into the firefly, which is a building 20 feet behind me, so I walked them to the door and got one of the girl's number real fast. She kept saying I was real nice.
> 
> I know from experience that numbers don't necessary mean squat so I am not holding my breath whenever I get a number. I try to go out with that in mind. No matter what you do or say, or even how well or bad the conversation goes, you can never tell who is going to respond or date you sometimes, and that's just how it goes.
> 
> .


So what exactly did you say to them and what did they say so you get a number from them. Did you call already if it is a legit number ? And what do you mean with making clear your intention ? Just tell them you wanna meet em?


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> So what exactly did you say to them and what did they say so you get a number from them. Did you call already if it is a legit number ? And what do you mean with making clear your intention ? Just tell them you wanna meet em?


I saw them walking and I just jumped in front of them like a weirdo and said, "Hey, ladies! How are you!?" or something like that. I held out both my hands and asked them where a bar was or something and they told me but then I said the real reason I stopped them was because I thought they were cute. I had a good energy so it came off playful and innocent. They said they were on their way to the firefly so I said I'd follow them and I just started walking with them and before they went in I got one of the girl's number. I did try to text her but no response. I kind of pushed for the number and that's why numbers don't mean anything sometimes. Often the girls give it out to give it out without the intention of talking to you again, and that's fine. I don't really care about how I approached this time.

Yesterday, the number I got from the campus girl, we did end up texting back and forth but she has a boyfriend who is recently deployed and they are pretty serious so I'm not going to go any further with that. I think she was interested in a friendship more than anything. I had a coffee set up for this morning with her but I canceled because I'm not looking for a platonic friendship with someone I find attractive tbh.

Lately I've been basing talking to girls on how I feel and if I feel like going out and doing it. This sounds all fine and dandy but I know if I take this route I will eventually stop going out because how I feel, and so I'm thinking about committing more and do it to do it so I don't drop it completely. Often I say things and don't follow through with regard to this, but I think I should just really commit myself and see what happens. Same with working out.

Zeeshan, leave your question here or pm if you want.


----------



## bsd3355

I've said this before but this time I mean it, I'm not going to post anymore about what I'm doing to meet girls on this forum. I just feel like this forum isn't right for that and most people probably don't care anyway. I'll still respond to stuff but no more personal stuff like exactly what I'm doing or did.


----------



## Deepdiver

*Rymo: I can tell you an experience asking a girl out.*

I did ask a girl out who was a patient in the healthcare program I was doing at school. She came in and we hit it off talking about trips we had been on and where I lived and she lived. She asked about my apartment.

Anyway, we exchanged numbers and she asked to come see the apartment and share stories. We had a nice time and talked for about 2 hours. We talked about doing a walk together or something else. I asked her to a concert in a week, but she said she was busy, but still wanted to do the walk.

We went for the walk and then she asked me for dinner with her and her roommates. She didn't contact me for over a month. She apologised, saying she got busy with school and would do dinner soon. I haven't heard back from her since then. If she wanted to just rent the apartment, why didn't she just ask? Oh, I don't own it, so schmoozing me doesn't make any difference.

I have ADHD, so I don't know if I missed some cues, but it seems like she lied to my face to try and get me to rent her the apartment. Why ask for the walk and dinner with her roommates, if she wasn't interested? That would waste time for both of us and have me possibly calling her (I didn't, just e-mailed once).


----------



## Reprise

well...i asked this girl for her phone number sometime last year, i text her a couple of times and she didn't reply, but one day she did reply, and we ended up meeting up and making out, so this is how it went, we met up a couple of times after texting her, and eventually she invited me round to her house, we talked made out again and i even took her out to the beach one day where we talked more got real close and went back to my place for dvds, since then i've texted her a couple of times, talked, it never really eventuated to anything, but she does have her own social life, i've tried texting her recently but shes not replying back to my texts, i've slowly given it some time, just so i don't appear so needie, i haven't actually had a real date with her, and i think shes losing interest fast, can any one give me some advice to pick up this relationship again? i feel as though im just something on the side for her, when shes bored, i haven't had any real experience with girls, i've only ever met up with them and got with them, i have no idea whats it like to be in a real relationship..


----------



## stoolie

Reprise said:


> well...i asked this girl for her phone number sometime last year, i text her a couple of times and she didn't reply, but one day she did reply, and we ended up meeting up and making out, so this is how it went, we met up a couple of times after texting her, and eventually she invited me round to her house, we talked made out again and i even took her out to the beach one day where we talked more got real close and went back to my place for dvds, since then i've texted her a couple of times, talked, it never really eventuated to anything, but she does have her own social life, i've tried texting her recently but shes not replying back to my texts, i've slowly given it some time, just so i don't appear so needie, i haven't actually had a real date with her, and i think shes losing interest fast, can any one give me some advice to pick up this relationship again? i feel as though im just something on the side for her, when shes bored, i haven't had any real experience with girls, i've only ever met up with them and got with them, i have no idea whats it like to be in a real relationship..


This hot and cold behavior is also my only experience with girls and it's unbelievably frustrating.


----------



## Zeeshan

stoolie said:


> This hot and cold behavior is also my only experience with girls and it's unbelievably frustrating.


The real question is how to turn these on.off situations into real relationships n why is it so difficult


----------



## bsd3355

Reprise said:


> well...i asked this girl for her phone number sometime last year, i text her a couple of times and she didn't reply, but one day she did reply, and we ended up meeting up and making out, so this is how it went, we met up a couple of times after texting her, and eventually she invited me round to her house, we talked made out again and i even took her out to the beach one day where we talked more got real close and went back to my place for dvds, since then i've texted her a couple of times, talked, it never really eventuated to anything, but she does have her own social life, i've tried texting her recently but shes not replying back to my texts, i've slowly given it some time, just so i don't appear so needie, i haven't actually had a real date with her, and i think shes losing interest fast, can any one give me some advice to pick up this relationship again? i feel as though im just something on the side for her, when shes bored, i haven't had any real experience with girls, i've only ever met up with them and got with them, i have no idea whats it like to be in a real relationship..


if she liked you she wouldn't be hot and cold but more like hot all the time. there is little you can do. find a girl who actually likes you

remember, there is no trickery involved, and all you really have to do is put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself what would you be thinking if you were acting that way? chances are extremely likely she's not that interested. girls aren't some retarded species; they know what they are doing.


----------



## Nono441

What am I doing to get a girl? _Absolutely nothing._ I want to sort out the rest of my life first, graduate, get income and a place to live, ..

I mean, let's face it, "do you live with your parents" isn't a great pickup line nowadays


----------



## michijo

I think the pickup line is merely "are you single?". Then "Are you attracted to sexually repressed psychopaths with that 'not-all-there' look in their eyes?"


----------



## DeniseAfterAll

Putting myself in positions where opportunities may present 

Not missing out on an opportunity once they present themselves 

Not being desperate ; having a chunk of self-worth to fall back on


----------



## andy1984

i had a few dates with someone from internet dating, but wasn't really into her (really wish i had been though). i'm not really doing anything now.

i'm trying to work on my friendship with my ex. and i'm hosting some meetups at my place.


----------



## braxton19

i asked a girl out and she laughed at me, all the girls i asked laughed at me, what to do but try again i guess:|


----------



## braxton19

braxton19 said:


> i asked a girl out and she laughed at me, all the girls i asked laughed at me, what to do but try again i guess:|


Don't waste your love on somebody, who doesn't value it." 
― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet


----------



## TobeyJuarez

I'm going to the mall to buy new pants for work.... I'm gonna approach a girl while I'm there


----------



## TobeyJuarez

I ****ed up....saw a cute girl and maintained eye contact with her for a good amount of time but she was too far away for me to approach...well I could have but I would of had to run over to her.... And that would have been weird... Next time though


----------



## Bigmo

I never wanted a relationship. I want to stay single forever.


----------



## BillDauterive

Bigmo said:


> I never wanted a relationship. I want to stay single forever.


I WANT the WANT to stay single forever. :um

I hate having this natural desire for companionship and sex when I will never get either. I want to ****ing eliminate it ASAP.


----------



## Bigmo

I hate having this natural desire for companionship and sex when I will never get either. I want to ****ing eliminate it ASAP.[/QUOTE]

Go and lose your virginity to a escort


----------



## quietmusicman

Getting a 6 pack and not giving a **** anymore of what people think of me


----------



## MusingForX

Today I tried being more friendly with a girl who's always been too nice with me.

It seems rather innocent sharing a train ride, but I made the conspicuous effort to wait for her, and she made the conspicuous effort to ask me to wait for her.

In the end, it was nice.


----------



## Zeeshan

MusingForX said:


> Today I tried being more friendly with a girl who's always been too nice with me.
> 
> It seems rather innocent sharing a train ride, but I made the conspicuous effort to wait for her, and she made the conspicuous effort to ask me to wait for her.
> 
> In the end, it was nice.


That's excellent

Good work


----------



## Zeeshan

Met a pretty cool chic on POF today


----------



## metomeya

No more masty-masty till I get a girlfriend


----------



## Jeffrey91

I'm not bad looking infact I look better than most, but for some reason I cannot get a girlfriend 

I try but all the girls shy away from me. I met one girl that had the guts to hang out with me but she already had a boyfriend, but our friendship was AWESOME! 

Still single


----------



## bsd3355

5 numbers today off campus. 2 dates this weekend. Maybe a third tomorrow. Pretty sure one likes me and the other I have no idea. Could just be interested in friends, which I've been thinking about, and I probably could use more friends anyway.

Also, went out last night but wasn't feeling it. Talked to a few girls but didn't push for anything. I could do better at nights when I go out. I really don't like going out at night. I could also do better in stores. And when I mean "better" I mean stepping up to the plate and overcoming certain feelings I have inside which will in turn make me act more which will help me meet more girls in those situations.

OK, so I lied twice about not posting my experiences. I can't help but wanting to share. I feel like I sometimes ramble too much though and that's why I keep telling myself I won't post anymore about it, but it's a big part of my life and something I really want share.


----------



## Sourdog

Girl messaged me on POF, might as well reply and see what happens, wish me luck.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Met a pretty cool chic on POF today


How did it go?



Sourdog said:


> Girl messaged me on POF, might as well reply and see what happens, wish me luck.


GL duuuude


----------



## always starting over

I'm just trying to get back into the flow of small talk and conversation after withdrawing into myself completely for the past year and a half. It's really truly starting to get better. Some days I can't talk to anybody, but for the most part, it's not difficult to just talk to people about BS. Especially with girls in my classes, it's not like they're gonna be mean if I just relax and don't put a ton of pressure on myself to seem cool. If she thinks I'm cool, great. If not, I just don't really care anymore. There are better things to worry about.

I couldn't handle approaching women I don't know at all though. My personality takes time to grow on people, but they almost always like me given enough time. It'd be a nightmare scenario to try to talk to girls that I just see when I'm out.


----------



## Reprise

sounds like your on your way to becoming a PUA 
its not about the kill, but more about the hunt

its an awkward place to be, but it sounds like your SA is not as extreme as others posting on this forum, i haven't exactly had much opportunity lately to get my mindset geared up for it ...its a bit like playing ping pong really...but im a bit rusty with that game..



bwidger85 said:


> 5 numbers today off campus. 2 dates this weekend. Maybe a third tomorrow. Pretty sure one likes me and the other I have no idea. Could just be interested in friends, which I've been thinking about, and I probably could use more friends anyway.
> 
> Also, went out last night but wasn't feeling it. Talked to a few girls but didn't push for anything. I could do better at nights when I go out. I really don't like going out at night. I could also do better in stores. And when I mean "better" I mean stepping up to the plate and overcoming certain feelings I have inside which will in turn make me act more which will help me meet more girls in those situations.
> 
> OK, so I lied twice about not posting my experiences. I can't help but wanting to share. I feel like I sometimes ramble too much though and that's why I keep telling myself I won't post anymore about it, but it's a big part of my life and something I really want share.


----------



## bsd3355

Reprise said:


> sounds like your on your way to becoming a PUA
> its not about the kill, but more about the hunt
> 
> its an awkward place to be, but it sounds like your SA is not as extreme as others posting on this forum, i haven't exactly had much opportunity lately to get my mindset geared up for it ...its a bit like playing ping pong really...but im a bit rusty with that game..


W/e you want to call it, it's the best way I know how to meet girls considering how there are variables in anything. I personally don't like that label though. I haven't had SA for a while now.

I'm not sure to call this a date or not, because that is under the pretext of romantic meeting, but I just got back from coffee with one girl. The vibe was definitely under a friend pretext, and it felt that way. But she was cool and she said was grateful that we got to know each other and she told me she wanted to hang out again. There was no flirting or anything like that, just normal conversation. I didn't really care to flirt. I actually wanted to just relax and get to know her a bit. The way this went down, I'm not sure whether I want to, or if she wants to, get romantic with each other. If we end up just being friends then I am cool with that; same with the other girls I meet for now on. But I am kind of curious how many possible dating/relationships I might of ****ed up by getting too romantic too early? I don't think much. I think for the most part things are set pretty early on.

I have another coffee date with another girl tomorrow but I think I am going to cancel because she's not exactly my type; I probably shouldn't of set everything up. Sunday I have another coffee date with another girl; will see how that turns out. I actually didn't expect coffee today with the girl because she said she was busy this weekend, and I thought she was blowing me off, but I got a text this morning saying her schedule was free if I wanted to today, so I jumped on it. The other two number I got yesterday seemed to have flaked me via text, which is kind of expected for the most part. One of the girls who flaked said she already had my number after I texted her, which means I probably met her earlier at some point and she flaked me.


----------



## Brandeezy

Need some advice guys. So there's this girl at my job who I think has a crush on me. I rarely pick up on hints women drop because of my inexperience with them so here's some things I noticed today...

- I see her for the first time today and she stares at me, smiles, then says "Heeeey Brandon" in a sexy voice, still staring as I walk away. She does this pretty much every time I see her

- She was going around sweeping the store and I accidentally dropped something in my dept. She says "Omg, why are you making such a mess for me" I reply "Because I knew you were coming, sorry " she laughs/smiles then continues on her way.

- I asked her for a pen, she gave it to me then when I gave it back and she says "Omg finally " then I swear she tried to grab my hand/finger or some **** (It was weird lol but I liked it)

- Before I leave work she says "Brandon where are you going?" I tell her home then she says "Why do you have to go?" I say something back, we laugh then a couple mins later she asks me how old I am (I'm 23 she's 18 turning 19 in Aug). I don't know why I didn't ask her why she asked me that question but it's too late now.

The only downside to this story is that she has a BF (Don't know how long they've been together) but on the other hand she doesn't act like she has one. On top of that my co-worker said that she asked him out at training last Nov but he said she might've been joking, who knows. I'm friends with her on Facebook but I doubt she knows it since I added her when she first started working here and we really didn't talk much. I might try to communicate with her through there and see what happens, like comment on her status or something. Or maybe I'll flirt back with her tomorrow and see what happens. Any advice?


----------



## always starting over

Brandeezy said:


> Need some advice guys. So there's this girl at my job who I think has a crush on me. I rarely pick up on hints women drop because of my inexperience with them so here's some things I noticed today...
> 
> - I see her for the first time today and she stares at me, smiles, then says "Heeeey Brandon" in a sexy voice, still staring as I walk away. She does this pretty much every time I see her
> 
> - She was going around sweeping the store and I accidentally dropped something in my dept. She says "Omg, why are you making such a mess for me" I reply "Because I knew you were coming, sorry " she laughs/smiles then continues on her way.
> 
> - I asked her for a pen, she gave it to me then when I gave it back and she says "Omg finally " then I swear she tried to grab my hand/finger or some **** (It was weird lol but I liked it)
> 
> - Before I leave work she says "Brandon where are you going?" I tell her home then she says "Why do you have to go?" I say something back, we laugh then a couple mins later she asks me how old I am (I'm 23 she's 18 turning 19 in Aug). I don't know why I didn't ask her why she asked me that question but it's too late now.
> 
> The only downside to this story is that she has a BF (Don't know how long they've been together) but on the other hand she doesn't act like she has one. On top of that my co-worker said that she asked him out at training last Nov but he said she might've been joking, who knows. I'm friends with her on Facebook but I doubt she knows it since I added her when she first started working here and we really didn't talk much. I might try to communicate with her through there and see what happens, like comment on her status or something. Or maybe I'll flirt back with her tomorrow and see what happens. Any advice?


Well it sounds like she likes you a lot. No confusion there. Do you know her BF personally?

I definitely wouldn't go down the road of letting her talk at length about him to you, even if it's just complaining. I've made that mistake so many times. That'll help keep you on her radar if she breaks up with him.

Sounds like you're going with the flow for her, so I guess just see where it goes.


----------



## Brandeezy

always starting over said:


> Well it sounds like she likes you a lot. No confusion there. Do you know her BF personally?
> 
> I definitely wouldn't go down the road of letting her talk at length about him to you, even if it's just complaining. I've made that mistake so many times. That'll help keep you on her radar if she breaks up with him.
> 
> Sounds like you're going with the flow for her, so I guess just see where it goes.


She hasn't even mentioned him to me, I found out via FB. Which just said she was in an relationship but didn't say who so i didn't know if it was true or not until she posted a pic with him. I just found out that he's around 26/27 waaay older than her

Edit:

She's on FB right now....don't know what to say. Just updated my status to see if she'll say something, I doubt it tho


----------



## always starting over

Brandeezy said:


> She hasn't even mentioned him to me, I found out via FB. Which just said she was in an relationship but didn't say who so i didn't know if it was true or not until she posted a pic with him. I just found out that he's around 26/27 waaay older than her
> 
> Edit:
> 
> She's on FB right now....don't know what to say. Just updated my status to see if she'll say something, I doubt it tho


The most casual way would probably just be messaging her with an inside joke or something like that from where you work. Or something funny you saw today.

So she's 18/19 and he's 27-ish? My best guess would be that it's not gonna last, if it's just a typical case of a naive younger girl falling for the older guy thing. Don't quote me on that though because I have no idea what the specific circumstances are. It could be a long-term thing.


----------



## ShineGreymon

Brandeezy said:


> Need some advice guys. So there's this girl at my job who I think has a crush on me. I rarely pick up on hints women drop because of my inexperience with them so here's some things I noticed today...
> 
> - I see her for the first time today and she stares at me, smiles, then says "Heeeey Brandon" in a sexy voice, still staring as I walk away. She does this pretty much every time I see her
> 
> - She was going around sweeping the store and I accidentally dropped something in my dept. She says "Omg, why are you making such a mess for me" I reply "Because I knew you were coming, sorry " she laughs/smiles then continues on her way.
> 
> - I asked her for a pen, she gave it to me then when I gave it back and she says "Omg finally " then I swear she tried to grab my hand/finger or some **** (It was weird lol but I liked it)
> 
> - Before I leave work she says "Brandon where are you going?" I tell her home then she says "Why do you have to go?" I say something back, we laugh then a couple mins later she asks me how old I am (I'm 23 she's 18 turning 19 in Aug). I don't know why I didn't ask her why she asked me that question but it's too late now.
> 
> The only downside to this story is that she has a BF (Don't know how long they've been together) but on the other hand she doesn't act like she has one. On top of that my co-worker said that she asked him out at training last Nov but he said she might've been joking, who knows. I'm friends with her on Facebook but I doubt she knows it since I added her when she first started working here and we really didn't talk much. I might try to communicate with her through there and see what happens, like comment on her status or something. Or maybe I'll flirt back with her tomorrow and see what happens. Any advice?


Could she just not an overly flirtatious person ? theres nothing here telling me is wantin a realtionship (could be wrong). I would persue it but give it time make a joke about her relationship anything to get insight as to why shes flirting with you if she has a bf doomed to fail cause of age or not its not really a cool thing to do.

If you like her go for it an everything not trying to discourage you, just dont go too fast get to know her personallity more aside from the jokes before you decide you like her


----------



## Brandeezy

ShineGreymon said:


> Could she just not an overly flirtatious person ? theres nothing here telling me is wantin a realtionship (could be wrong). I would persue it but give it time make a joke about her relationship anything to get insight as to why shes flirting with you if she has a bf doomed to fail cause of age or not its not really a cool thing to do.
> 
> If you like her go for it an everything not trying to discourage you, just dont go too fast get to know her personallity more aside from the jokes before you decide you like her


Yeah I think you're right unfortunately. Hopefully I'll be able to find someone in the future, can't give up hope just yet


----------



## Zeeshan

Gonna invite a girl over today. Need a lay bad


----------



## MusingForX

Setting up a coffee date with a girl I met through a dating website. Proceeding smoothly. 

Honestly I was alright with just chatting with her, but I needed to see her at least live once to say that I've done something.

Feeling a bit of anxiety mixed with a bit of giddiness.


----------



## bsd3355

MusingForX said:


> Setting up a coffee date with a girl I met through a dating website. Proceeding smoothly.
> 
> Honestly I was alright with just chatting with her, but I needed to see her at least live once to say that I've done something.
> 
> Feeling a bit of anxiety mixed with a bit of giddiness.


I get that same feeling in my gut too but you always feel real good when it's over and that feeling goes way down the next time you meet. Have fun and GL

I canceled date with one girl today. Not sure if the other girl is still wanting coffee or not tomorrow. I texted her today for the hell of it and she hasn't responded but she said she'd be busy after 4pm which is when I texted so that's cool. I'll try again tomorrow.

The girl I had a coffee date with, I want to get physical with her ideally next time we meet so she knows that I like her like that. I texted her today and asked if she would like to watch a movie sometime and she said yes and then asked me if I liked to bowl and I said I sucked but agreed that we should do that next week sometime and she agreed. I'm going to probably bowl with her and then watch a rental with her next week. Ideally get physical and the way she responds will say a lot whether or not she just wants to be friends or not, but her suggesting bowling seems more like a date to me, and also her agreeing to watch a movie rental, so I suspect she likes me romantically. No need to say anything, just kiss her or snuggle with her and see how the girls respond is what I do. If she doesn't decline then that basically tells me everything I need to know if she wants to date or not.

Btw, I'd like to add that I personally think it is best to go by how you feel to let you know what to do next. For instance, if watching a movie sounds exciting to you then do it. If bowling sounds exciting to you then do it, etc. If on the first date you honestly don't feel the natural urge to kiss her hug or w/e then don't. Usually the reason why I don't is because we are still in that stranger phase and I think listening to how you feel about certain things tells you a lot. For instance, I said I had no urge to get physical with this girl on the first date and I HONESTLY just wanted to chat with her over coffee to get comfortable with her and build some comfort. However, today, I get an urge out of nowhere that basically tells me when the right time to make a physical move is. It's not complicated. I like to go by how I feel and I think this is good because the girl likely feels the same. It is kind of strange to kiss a girl on a coffee date when you know nothing about her.


----------



## MusingForX

bwidger85 said:


> Btw, I'd like to add that I personally think it is best to go by how you feel to let you know what to do next. For instance, if watching a movie sounds exciting to you then do it. If bowling sounds exciting to you then do it, etc. If on the first date you honestly don't feel the natural urge to kiss her hug or w/e then don't. Usually the reason why I don't is because we are still in that stranger phase and I think listening to how you feel about certain things tells you a lot. For instance, I said I had no urge to get physical with this girl on the first date and I HONESTLY just wanted to chat with her over coffee to get comfortable with her and build some comfort. However, today, I get an urge out of nowhere that basically tells me when the right time to make a physical move is. It's not complicated. I like to go by how I feel and I think this is good because the girl likely feels the same. It is kind of strange to kiss a girl on a coffee date when you know nothing about her.


Good advice. I am trying to get my pacing right. I don't want to go too fast, that is not me. Neither do I want to let the other person impose her speed on me if it is not for me.

Not really thinking about kissing a girl, I just want to make a good impression and have good vibe.


----------



## bsd3355

MusingForX said:


> Good advice. I am trying to get my pacing right. I don't want to go too fast, that is not me. Neither do I want to let the other person impose her speed on me if it is not for me.
> 
> Not really thinking about kissing a girl, I just want to make a good impression and have good vibe.


Sounds great! Have fun! Let us know how it goes!


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Gonna invite a girl over today. Need a lay bad


Well couldn't do it since she didn't bother to respond to my earlier texts


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## andy1984

i had 2 dates with someone after breaking up with ex. decided not to continue. got back together with ex. the girl i dated called to ask to see movie together - nice to feel wanted.

but back with my ex now  hope we can work through our problems together this time.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I'm going to not shower for a week, wear dirty stale clothes from the bottom of the laundry basket and just keep up on my dead, nonexistent personality. They'll be latching onto my heels in no time.


----------



## Sourdog

Girl on dating website is giving one word answers. I don't know why, but that is a turn off for me.


----------



## bsd3355

Damn, I got to slow down and chill for a little bit!

Just came back from the bars going out alone. Talked to lots of girls. Got four numbers. Sounds like I got another coffee date with one of the girls I met...

Honestly, I am super proud of myself. It has taken my YEARS and YEARS--my whole life--to be able to do the things I'm doing now! I'm sure the guys can relate what it is like to feel helpless and hopeless. I feel like I am on the verge of finally leaving that behind. I no longer feel like I can't meet girls anymore. The things I've done has paid off! I am so glad I kept at it and faced my fears! It's a new chapter in my life, for sure.

In two days of going out (one on college campus and the other tonight, solo, at bars) I have so many numbers and so many dates I literally have to calm myself and just chill back.

Super happy! Super proud! No longer helpless, and now in control of my dating life


----------



## destructor

(Part 1 of 3)

Well I had an interesting experience the past few weeks with this woman I work with. I only see her maybe 2-3 times a day, since we work in different parts of the same building, but anyways. When it first started it was about 3 weeks ago. I had to work in the same area she was in for an hour or so and I was helping out her and the other women who work there doing pricing and sorting and such. She talked a little bit, I'm not sure if she was talking to me specifically or just in general, but she mentioned something about laying on a boat to attract business or something like that as someone in her family had some sort of business run on a boat I guess. I probably said something dumb like that's cool instead of saying something smooth like yeah I bet you attracted business (she's probably a 9 or 10 on the hotness scale). She said some other stuff too I think but I couldn't hear most of what she was saying as I was too far away. She also has a large tattoo on her arm, which knocks her down a few points in my book. I don't find biker like tattoos on women to be attractive. It's normally a deal breaker for me, but given how hot she was otherwise, I decided to make an exception when things started progressing with her.

She kept wearing revealing clothing showing a lot of cleavage even though she works with mainly women. One of the guys there is about my age and the other is old enough to be her dad probably. Shortly after this she started smiling at me when I would walk by. At first it seemed like just a polite smile but eventually it became more than that. I had heard through the grapevine that one day when I wasn't paying attention to her she was basically staring at me the whole time like she was checking me out. She was so focused on me that she didn't appear to be paying attention to what she was doing work wise I heard. She also did the brush hair w/fingers thing women do when they're around guys they're interested in while looking at me. She touched her breast or just above it after looking at me as well I heard. When I walked past her she stood up on her tip toes and stuck her chest out like she was arching into a C-shape almost like she wanted me to check her out. After that I was a few feet away from her maybe 10 or so and she turned around while she was in my line of sight and showed her butt to me. She didn't appear to do this for any reason other than to show me.

Another time she started adjusting her shirt when I walked by. She tugged on it and was pulling it down like she wanted me to look at her chest, like she was trying to show more cleavage. Supposedly that's a sign they are into you if they do it when you're nearby.

Another time she kept looking at me then back down then back at me and when I got closer to her she started doing head circles with her neck. Which is supposed to be another sign a woman is into you, showing you their neck according to what I've heard. After this she raised her arms & shoulders to push her chest together to show more cleavage as I was walking by.

On several occasions she would bend down in front of me as well both from behind and from the front. Even when she didn't have to do it when I was nearby or that direction. I caught her looking at me right after she bent down one time. Like she was looking at me to see if I was looking at her.

Another time she basically had a focused gaze on me the entire time from the minute I walked in her line of sight until I left it. She was not paying any attention to what she was doing work wise and just staring at me like she couldn't take her eyes off me. She also had one leg pointed outward like she was trying to show off her legs. I think we exchanged smiles here but that was about it.

Another day she moved her position in the area she works in which is consequently closer to where I work. But it also is next to a friend of her's so it could just be coincidence that it happened to be near me. When I had to go where she was I caught her looking at me then looking away then back at me and away again several times. When we mad eye contact she would smile at with a big light up smile which you could just tell was genuine. No one did this when I would walk by or look at them. They might look at me once and that's it. I also heard that doesn't do any of these signals with the other guys she works around. On another occasion during the same day when I walked by, her friend loudly mentioned me by name and was making fun of me/her which supposedly means she has told her friend she likes you. I haven't heard this happen for any of the other guys when I was in earshot at least. I also heard that sometimes she will look to the entrance of the building about the time I usually get there, kinda like she is checking to see if I'm coming or not.

At this point we still hadn't really talked much. Just exchanged smiles and glances at each other. It was around this time I thought maybe I could leave her a note letting her know I'm interested and tell her to come see me after work or e-mail me if she is interested too like I thought she might be. I talked it over with some friends and realized that wouldn't be the best idea. I have a hard time talking to women I'm attracted to, especially ones as hot as she is (even with the tattoos). That is way out of my comfort zone. I usually need at least 3-6 months (sometimes more) of being around her and talking about other stuff in general, like class for example when I was in school before I can progress to talking about her and/or my attraction for her. This is because I have a big fear of rejection and being laughed at/made fun of/slapped/etc. I've never been slapped but I have been made fun of and laughed at before (by other people not the girl if I remember correctly). But it's still a possibility and my mind automatically assumes the worst as a protection mechanism.

I decided I would take the risk and try to work up to asking her out after a week or two. Build to it slowly when actually that is quite accelerated compared to my normal pace as I mentioned. I decided I would just start out with hi how are you and go from there. Then the next day I could do same thing and then ask if she had any weekend plans. And if she asks about my weekend plans I can crack a lame joke about laundry or something and see if she laughs. Then maybe the following week I could make a comment about her hair being prettier down than up (she usually wears it up) and see if she starts wearing it down more often. I had targeted the middle of June for when I would finally ask her out for drinks.

So the next day I felt like I was going to throw up on my way to work and up until I started talking to her. I started this out with hi how are you and she asked me how I was doing and was smiling at me the whole time. Then as I was finishing walking past her, she had turned to the side and was talking quietly to her friend with her neck pointed towards me. When I had to go back to where she was later that day for something unrelated she wasn't paying attention but when she looked up and saw me she smiled and I smiled back and said hey and she said hey back and that was it. When I came back through to go back to where I work, she was bent over working on something else and allowed me to check her out from behind and I did of course and then I had to walk over near where she was to check on something unrelated and she didn't back away or move away from me or anything when I did this. Now granted she was trying to do her job here, but you'd think if she didn't want to be near me she would move away from me once I got close or start doing something else away from me until I left the area. But she didn't do any of that. I had to go through her area again later the same day for something else unrelated to her and she pretty much ignored me this time. I'm not sure if she just didn't notice me or if she was testing me to see how I reacted to her ignoring me. If she did look at me it was very subtle. As I was walking away her friend walked past me and half smiled at me and I half smiled back. When I came back through again a little while later to go back to my work area she (not the friend) was bent over with her front to my line of sight this time giving me a clear view of her cleavage/down her shirt. She didn't seem to adjust much at all so either she didn't notice my looking or didn't mind that I was looking. She didn't try to cover up or anything. Later that day she had moved and instead of working where she normally does she moved to the other side of that spot which was closer to where I work. She could've put her stuff on her work table but chose not to.

(End Part 1 of 3)


----------



## destructor

(Part 2 of 3)

So the next day was the most recent and so far last day of our interactions. I again felt like I was going to throw up on my way to work. When I walked in to the building I had to answer the phone and while I was on the phone she so happened to walk by. I had no idea she wasn't in her work area as I had just gotten there and hadn't gone through her area yet. So that was an odd coincidence I thought. She had her hair down at this point and I don't think she looked at me much at all here except maybe when she was walking past me. If she did it was very subtle. But when I got done on the phone and walked over through her area, she had put her hair up. So she had it down prior to my being there. But right after she saw me she put it up. I had to check on something near her area so I did that and while I was doing that she went out of her way to look around the boxes she on her work table to look at me and gave me a big light up smile. She had to physically move her body to be able to do this or move the boxes. She chose the former which also meant she was physically closer to me. We said hey and how are you and I asked about her weekend plans and she told me what she was going to do (spend time with her son and friend and her son) and babysit. I don't think she asked about my plans or if she did I didn't hear her. I was about 30 feet or so away from her at this point so it wasn't like we were standing side by side or anything. But when she looked at me she was smiling the whole time and she would look at me then back down then back at me then back down then turned her head to the side to talk to her friend and her neck was angled towards me during this. When we were talking she leaned forward a bit and I did as well to show her I'm interested and also because I had trouble hearing her some of the time. She mentioned she had to get a new phone and when talking about babysitting job she mentioned they always bring her the same food (they pay her with food and some money) and she wanted something different. I told her she should ask for a menu and she laughed and said that was a good idea and smiled a big smile at me and did something with her hands. Not sure what exactly as I was trying to maintain eye contact with her (I have a hard time doing that in general when I'm around a woman I'm attracted to). She claimed she couldn't call them about that because her phone wasn't set up yet. So she said she would mention it the next time she saw them. Again she didn't seem like she was paying much attention to her work she seemed more focused on looking at me and talking to me. She was doing her work sort of but I think it was more of a way to keep her hands busy as like I said she wasn't really paying attention to it. I told her to have a good weekend and she said weekends are always good.

That was the last thing we said to each other for that portion I believe. After this she turned to her friend with her neck towards me and started talking quietly. But when she was talking to me she was much louder. Supposedly volume changes in your presence like that are an indication that she likes you. If it's quiet when you're around and they just stopped talking abruptly then they were talking about you. If they're still talking then it could be about you as well. And like I said when she smiles at me she lights up basically. It's like she is super excited/happy to see me and can't help but smile. No one else there behaves like that around me.

So I decided I would get her and her friend some bottled water when I went out to lunch as a friendly/nice gesture since where they work it is ridiculously hot (I work in an area with A/C). I felt like I was going to throw up yet again when I was on my lunch break and on my way back right up until I started talking to her. To give her and her friend the water I had to basically go into their personal space which is something I had never done this quickly before with someone I just met basically, not counting sitting next to girls in school because of assigned seating or the like. They both seemed appreciative of the gesture and quickly drank some of it. Originally my plan was to make her grab the bottle out of my hand to see if she touched me when she did it or not and/or to gently touch her when she grabbed it so she would know I was interested. But I think I screwed up and just sat it down on her table. I can't remember that part clearly though. I talked to them both for a little while, maybe 5-10 minutes total or so. Mainly to her because she was the main reason I did any of this and was the only one giving me signals. She kept on with the body language showing me a "green light" basically. She was smiling the whole time and laughing and expressed concern for me when I mentioned my power had gone out overnight and I felt it come back on way early in the morning. At one point during this conversation she had one of her hips pointed to the side and had one hand on it, her other hand was not on her other hip. Supposedly this is a sign they are interested in you.

Eventually though it took a turn for the worse. When were talking about the weather she used the M word and mentioned she lost health care coverage since she is married. Now why the heck would she send me all these signals if she's married? She never said she was happily married though, so maybe it's a bad marriage? But she never said it was unhappy either. But I didn't let this bother me like I normally would. Normally I get dejected when a woman mentions the M word or B word and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible, but this time I didn't for some reason. Not sure why. I guess because I felt like she was genuinely into me. With her it was just easy and natural to talk to her once I started talking to her. She just put me at ease somehow. Not many women have been able to get me to put my guard down that quickly. I did notice she had a ring on which I hadn't noticed before, but it appeared to just be a silver loop. I didn't see an engagement ring which I thought was odd as I thought most married women wore both. And I also thought wedding rings were gold or at least gold-colored. This lead me to believe it could possibly just be a regular ring. You'd think if she was happily married she'd be wearing her wedding ring and her engagement ring. It's not like her job is such that it would make losing the rings a likely occurrence. We chatted a bit more, I don't recall what about, but I ended the conversation soon after that as it's always a good idea to leave them wanting more. At no point did she me to leave her alone or get lost or let her do her work or anything like that. Not everyone with non-verbal communication. So it sure seemed like she would've been happy to talk to me for hours. I told her I should get back to work so she doesn't get me in trouble (implying that she is "corrupting" me). She asked me if I was serious or something like that and rhetorically asked if they would fire me for that. I said no but they would probably yell at me at least and she seemed surprised by that. I went and did what I needed to do and let her get back to her work.

I had to go back through her area again later on for something else and stopped to talk to her briefly. I wrote down my # and gave it her and cracked some corny joke about other #s in her phone being lonely. She smiled but I don't think she laughed, she just said thank you and put it in her pocket. I told her to go ahead and write her # down so I would know it was her and she claimed once again that her phone hadn't been set up yet which I thought was a load of garbage. I think it was just a cover because she didn't want to give me her #. Supposedly if a woman is really interested in you she will go out her way to give you her #, sometimes even offering it without you asking. Somehow I managed to keep the conversation going and avoid it ending awkwardly. I don't know how. I've never been able to do that before. We chatted about phones briefly and then I asked her why she just couldn't re-apply for medical coverage and she said her husband makes too much money. She asked me if I had kids and I said no but I do have a nephew. She asked me about him and I talked about him briefly. I mentioned I don't get to see him that often since they live several hours away and she asked me if that was where I was from. I said no and told her where I was from and she said me too or something like that. She even told me what part of the city she lived in. Which I thought was odd. She asked which part I lived in and I told her and this was when the power conversation came up. She said if she did lose power she didn't know it because she fell asleep early. Instead of just saying that though she clearly said she fell asleep in the bedroom and her husband slept in a different room. Now I'm certainly not a marriage expert, but if you're happily married, wouldn't you at least be sleeping in the same room? I didn't comment on that to her, but maybe I should've. Oh well. At one point her friend had walked away and we chatted a little bit more. Supposedly if a woman's friends leave you alone with her that could be a sign that she has told them about liking you and wanting to be alone with you. Shortly after this I ended the conversation and said I had to go do what I needed to do and told her to enjoy the rest of the day and smiled at her and she smiled back and said you too or something like that. I went about my day like I normally would and acted like the M word didn't affect me at all. I behaved the same way I did before she said it. Maybe I should've confronted her about whey she is sending me all these signs if she is married, but I didn't do that. I don't handle confrontation well. Plus I didn't want to make a big scene at work about it.

(End Part 2 of 3)


----------



## destructor

(Part 3 of 3)

Looking back on it I am amazed I managed to do all of this at all, let alone the fact that it was in front of 5-10 coworkers. When I was talking to her it was like she and I were the only 2 people there. She just made me feel really calm and at ease and like I could talk to her about anything for hours on end and she'd be totally into it.

So it turns out she is married. Yippee...that's how it usually goes for me. I find a cool chick and see turns out to be married or in a relationship. Lucky me. But like I said she kept sending me signs even after she told me that she's married. I guess either she's just a flirt, likes the attention, or could just be being friendly. Who knows? Maybe she really is into me and it's a bad marriage, I have no idea. But if she is genuinely interested she is going to need to show me final divorce papers before we proceed any further with this. I'm not into playing games with a married woman.

I've shown her a lot of attention the past few days so I think now it's time I start ignoring her again. She seemed the most interested when I was ignoring her for some reason. So if she keeps acting like she's interested or shows even more interest, then maybe she really is into me. But like I said, she is going to have to get a divorce if she wants to pursue this further. She knows I'm into her, so if she feels the same way, she can do all of that and prove it. It's up to her. If she doesn't do that, then oh well. If it's meant to be we'll find our way back to each other one day anyways. I'll probably still smile at her if she looks at me/smiles at me, maybe say hi or how are you, but that's about it. Not going to go out of my way to talk to her or do anything for her until she proves she is serious about wanting to pursue this (i.e. getting a divorce).

A couple of other things I forgot to mention. Before we started our whole flirting thing she had seen me struggling with something and volunteered to help me with it and came right over to me. We had never spoken a word to each other up until this point so that was odd. No one else offered to me help me, just her. Another time I heard she was dancing and acting goofy and laughing a lot when I was nearby fixing my lunch (she was out of my line of sight during this). Like she was trying to draw attention to herself and get me to pay attention to her. I thought that was interesting.

TL;DR - Met a hot woman at work, she gave me the "green light," I talked to her a few times, she's married. I'm done with her until she shows me final divorce papers.

(End Part 3 of 3)


----------



## Zeeshan

destructor said:


> (Part 3 of 3)
> 
> Looking back on it I am amazed I managed to do all of this at all, let alone the fact that it was in front of 5-10 coworkers. When I was talking to her it was like she and I were the only 2 people there. She just made me feel really calm and at ease and like I could talk to her about anything for hours on end and she'd be totally into it.
> 
> So it turns out she is married. Yippee...that's how it usually goes for me. I find a cool chick and see turns out to be married or in a relationship. Lucky me. But like I said she kept sending me signs even after she told me that she's married. I guess either she's just a flirt, likes the attention, or could just be being friendly. Who knows? Maybe she really is into me and it's a bad marriage, I have no idea. But if she is genuinely interested she is going to need to show me final divorce papers before we proceed any further with this. I'm not into playing games with a married woman.
> 
> I've shown her a lot of attention the past few days so I think now it's time I start ignoring her again. She seemed the most interested when I was ignoring her for some reason. So if she keeps acting like she's interested or shows even more interest, then maybe she really is into me. But like I said, she is going to have to get a divorce if she wants to pursue this further. She knows I'm into her, so if she feels the same way, she can do all of that and prove it. It's up to her. If she doesn't do that, then oh well. If it's meant to be we'll find our way back to each other one day anyways. I'll probably still smile at her if she looks at me/smiles at me, maybe say hi or how are you, but that's about it. Not going to go out of my way to talk to her or do anything for her until she proves she is serious about wanting to pursue this (i.e. getting a divorce).
> 
> A couple of other things I forgot to mention. Before we started our whole flirting thing she had seen me struggling with something and volunteered to help me with it and came right over to me. We had never spoken a word to each other up until this point so that was odd. No one else offered to me help me, just her. Another time I heard she was dancing and acting goofy and laughing a lot when I was nearby fixing my lunch (she was out of my line of sight during this). Like she was trying to draw attention to herself and get me to pay attention to her. I thought that was interesting.
> 
> TL;DR - Met a hot woman at work, she gave me the "green light," I talked to her a few times, she's married. I'm done with her until she shows me final divorce papers.
> 
> (End Part 3 of 3)


She could be interested in a physical relationship. Women do have affairs


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Damn, I got to slow down and chill for a little bit!
> 
> Just came back from the bars going out alone. Talked to lots of girls. Got four numbers. Sounds like I got another coffee date with one of the girls I met...
> 
> Honestly, I am super proud of myself. It has taken my YEARS and YEARS--my whole life--to be able to do the things I'm doing now! I'm sure the guys can relate what it is like to feel helpless and hopeless. I feel like I am on the verge of finally leaving that behind. I no longer feel like I can't meet girls anymore. The things I've done has paid off! I am so glad I kept at it and faced my fears! It's a new chapter in my life, for sure.
> 
> In two days of going out (one on college campus and the other tonight, solo, at bars) I have so many numbers and so many dates I literally have to calm myself and just chill back.
> 
> Super happy! Super proud! No longer helpless, and now in control of my dating life


Congrats bud

Now if you could only come to Toronto n teach me lol


----------



## bsd3355

Thanks man

Toronto is a good place to meet people, for sure. Way better than here.


----------



## Sourdog

Congrats Bwidger, did you used to be socially anxious and scared of woman?


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Congrats Bwidger, did you used to be socially anxious and scared of woman?


Extremely. Wherever you guys are at in your lowest moments, I've been there.

You guys should seriously stop investing so much into online and try meeting girls in real life. The reason I say that is because once you learn to deal with the pressure and fear of it offline, things open up. Girls do not get approached as much as you think offline.


----------



## MusingForX

bwidger85 said:


> Extremely. Wherever you guys are at in your lowest moments, I've been there.
> 
> You guys should seriously stop investing so much into online and try meeting girls in real life.


Meet a girl in real life? You're mad, I say! lol.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Extremely. Wherever you guys are at in your lowest moments, I've been there.
> 
> You guys should seriously stop investing so much into online and try meeting girls in real life. The reason I say that is because once you learn to deal with the pressure and fear of it offline, things open up. Girls do not get approached as much as you think offline.


I've tried and failed at that. The reason I keep going online is BC of how easy it is. Mind you the extreme misses

I'm going to be going at it again now


----------



## destructor

Zeeshan said:


> She could be interested in a physical relationship. Women do have affairs


Could be. Though she didn't do any touching to indicate that if that was her intent.


----------



## Zeeshan

destructor said:


> Could be. Though she didn't do any touching to indicate that if that was her intent.


Different women use different signals that's why body language is so arbitrary


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I've tried and failed at that. The reason I keep going online is BC of how easy it is. Mind you the extreme misses
> 
> I'm going to be going at it again now


Online is less hassle free but has it's drawbacks. Honestly, whichever way works, but I guess it's what you prefer and also what actually lets you meet the people you want to meet. Personally, online isn't good to me at all.

Cool. gl


----------



## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Extremely. Wherever you guys are at in your lowest moments, I've been there.
> 
> You guys should seriously stop investing so much into online and try meeting girls in real life. The reason I say that is because once you learn to deal with the pressure and fear of it offline, things open up. Girls do not get approached as much as you think offline.


When the typical bar scene isn't an option, what would you suggest someone to meet more women in real life?


----------



## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> When the typical bar scene isn't an option, what would you suggest someone to meet more women in real life?


Honestly? Any where there are girls you'd like to meet. That can be anywhere. Around where I live the best options are college, stores, bars.


----------



## destructor

Zeeshan said:


> Different women use different signals that's why body language is so arbitrary


Good point. This is why there should be universally accepted signals/signs instead of 3 meanings for 1 thing. Would help out on the confusion end.

The funny part about my interaction w/her is that I don't even really care that she indirectly rejected me. Normally I'm always depressed after being rejected, but this time I didn't give a ****. I just went about my day and conversation with her like it didn't even happen. Never been able to do that before. Maybe I'm finally learning how to deal with rejection.

I told an acquaintance of mine from 15-20 years ago that I liked her back then and still kind of do recently and she has thus far ignored me and I don't really care about that either. I'm just like whatever. It is what it is. I can't change their minds and I'm not going to waste my time trying to. Been there done that.


----------



## bsd3355

So had coffee date with girl from campus, which went well.

One of the girls I met last night actually invited me over to her house to drink with her friends, which sounds like fun lol...going at 9


----------



## Canucklehead

Showing a bit of v taper works every time, unless you're fat of course.


----------



## bsd3355

I may of got to sexual with this girl lol...who knows. Feel kinda dumb but w/e. She was cool and it was a good time regardless.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I may of got to sexual with this girl lol...who knows. Feel kinda dumb but w/e. She was cool and it was a good time regardless.


What you mean? What happend when you went over?.


----------



## Brandeezy

Cant get attention from women in real life and online. I spent all day yesterday trying to get a message from someone and got nothing. I have the worst luck when it comes to women out of everyone on this whole site, probably couldnt give away money to a female without them rejecting me. Dont know why I continue.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> What you mean? What happend when you went over?.


We talked for a while and just got to know each other better. After like an hr or so I asked her how tall she is so I could get her to stand up so I could hug and then kiss her. She did that and I hugged and kissed her, which was all fine and dandy. I even kissed her neck and sucked on her earlobe, which she seemed cool with; added on top of that she invited me over to her house, she was talking about her friend because her friend was dating this guy for a month and didn't have sex with him, and to me it seemed like she was open for sex, especially since she said I could stay over if I wanted. So of course I'm thinking she was open for sex. So I had her sit on my lap and she was in a summer dress and I started making out with her more and moved my hand up her legs to her *** and she didn't stop me or anything. She asked if I wanted another beer so i followed her inside the apartment and tried to start making out with her again but she went back outside and I tried to get her on my lap again because she was on another chair from me and she hesitated and I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable, but I'm not sure if it was me acting weird because I was thinking of how I could escalate. It was just kind of weird, so then I felt like she wasn't ready for that so I tried to stop being a weirdo and just kicked back and talked with her some more to try and move past that awkward moment, which we did.

Honestly, all in all, she seems very interested in me, but I was just tryna feel out the situation and I acted slightly weird, so idk. I don't think it was a big deal. I think we connected well. She told me she thought I was fit and cute. I told her the same. Honestly, that summer dress she was wearing and seeing her legs and feeling her legs KILLED ME INSIDE--so hot. She's 28 but looks younger, but she's cool as hell too, so I just hope I didn't make her think I was tryna take advantage of her, because I'd like to see her again honestly, even if we did have sex. During the awkward moment I told her that I didn't want her to get the wrong impression of me and I think I just made it more awkward by saying that lol. Oh well. I'm probably making a bigger deal of it in my mind than what it really is. I've had girls stop talking to me because I escalated too much, but this wasn't as much as I did with the other girls, and I stopped because I felt some awkwardness creep in.

I still don't' know if she wanted sex or not, but it seemed like it. She even moved her dogs inside when she offered to get me a drink, so I thought it was on. I still don't know what she wanted tbh. Added the awkward moment, I decided I shouldn't push it and come on too strong.


----------



## destructor

Another update about the woman I mentioned a few days ago at my work. Today she pretty much ignored me when I first got here this morning and I was ignoring her as well. Didn't really notice her looking at me much at all. But when I went to lunch she was apparently on a break in her car by herself and I guess she heard a car start up or saw one driving by and she turned to look and waved when she saw it was me. Not sure if it was a hey wave or a come here I want to talk to you wave, couldn't tell. I drove slowly out of the parking lot and stopped longer than usual before driving away just in case she was wanting to come talk to me. She didn't so I guess it was just a hey wave. But she did seem happy to see me. Though I didn't get that close a look at her face from that distance or anything. Maybe I should've rolled down my window and asked her or talked to her, I don't know. Oh well. I'm sure if she wants to talk to me badly enough she'll come see me herself.

When I got back from lunch though she was back inside the building and as I walked by she kinda had a focused gaze on me like she was staring at me basically. She smiled and waved at me as I got closer and seemed happy to see me. I smiled and waved back at her and I think I said hey and went about my business. I'm still trying to mostly ignore her. I don't think she did anything else this time but again I wasn't paying that close of attention, so she could've when I wasn't looking or after I went back to my office.

But she has my # (assuming she didn't throw it away) and knows how to find me at work, so she can get in touch with me if she is interested.

No one else acts like that around me when they see me, so I find that interesting. And from what I've seen when I am down there and she is around the other guys she doesn't act that way towards them either. Interesting...


----------



## bsd3355

destructor said:


> Another update about the woman I mentioned a few days ago at my work. Today she pretty much ignored me when I first got here this morning and I was ignoring her as well. Didn't really notice her looking at me much at all. But when I went to lunch she was apparently on a break in her car by herself and I guess she heard a car start up or saw one driving by and she turned to look and waved when she saw it was me. Not sure if it was a hey wave or a come here I want to talk to you wave, couldn't tell. I drove slowly out of the parking lot and stopped longer than usual before driving away just in case she was wanting to come talk to me. She didn't so I guess it was just a hey wave. But she did seem happy to see me. Though I didn't get that close a look at her face from that distance or anything. Maybe I should've rolled down my window and asked her or talked to her, I don't know. Oh well. I'm sure if she wants to talk to me badly enough she'll come see me herself.
> 
> When I got back from lunch though she was back inside the building and as I walked by she kinda had a focused gaze on me like she was staring at me basically. She smiled and waved at me as I got closer and seemed happy to see me. I smiled and waved back at her and I think I said hey and went about my business. I'm still trying to mostly ignore her. I don't think she did anything else this time but again I wasn't paying that close of attention, so she could've when I wasn't looking or after I went back to my office.
> 
> But she has my # (assuming she didn't throw it away) and knows how to find me at work, so she can get in touch with me if she is interested.
> 
> No one else acts like that around me when they see me, so I find that interesting. And from what I've seen when I am down there and she is around the other guys she doesn't act that way towards them either. Interesting...


I didn't read your earlier long post about the situation, so I'm just going to give input on what I've read from the quoted above...

I see two possible things going on here. Either she is a nice and friendly girl who just wants to be friends with you, or she's a nice and friendly girl who _may_ want to date you. She's nice obviously, and that's awesome.

Have you talked to her yet and got to know her? Next time you get a chance talk to her and get to know her. No pressure to ask her on a date or even get her number because you work together, and it's probably best you don't at first because you honestly don't know if she is just a nice and friendly person who just wants to be friends. At this point in time, I'd say talk to her like you would anyone else and get to know her a little better. Once you do that, and you feel more comfortable around her and there is a connection (friendship/rapport) then it will be much, much easier to invite her out or get her number. Ideally, after more familiarity is built, I'd invite her out somewhere. But for now, talk to her and get to know her if you haven't already. Build some personal familiarity.

Let's say she doesn't want to date anyone, and let's say she just wants to be friends. She is a nice girl from what I gather and she likely deserves respects either way, which I'm sure you realize, but some guys get angry about a girl not dating them. She works with you so if all else fails she could be an amazing friend and co-worker!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> We talked for a while and just got to know each other better. After like an hr or so I asked her how tall she is so I could get her to stand up so I could hug and then kiss her. She did that and I hugged and kissed her, which was all fine and dandy. I even kissed her neck and sucked on her earlobe, which she seemed cool with; added on top of that she invited me over to her house, she was talking about her friend because her friend was dating this guy for a month and didn't have sex with him, and to me it seemed like she was open for sex, especially since she said I could stay over if I wanted. So of course I'm thinking she was open for sex. So I had her sit on my lap and she was in a summer dress and I started making out with her more and moved my hand up her legs to her *** and she didn't stop me or anything. She asked if I wanted another beer so i followed her inside the apartment and tried to start making out with her again but she went back outside and I tried to get her on my lap again because she was on another chair from me and she hesitated and I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable, but I'm not sure if it was me acting weird because I was thinking of how I could escalate. It was just kind of weird, so then I felt like she wasn't ready for that so I tried to stop being a weirdo and just kicked back and talked with her some more to try and move past that awkward moment, which we did.
> 
> Honestly, all in all, she seems very interested in me, but I was just tryna feel out the situation and I acted slightly weird, so idk. I don't think it was a big deal. I think we connected well. She told me she thought I was fit and cute. I told her the same. Honestly, that summer dress she was wearing and seeing her legs and feeling her legs KILLED ME INSIDE--so hot. She's 28 but looks younger, but she's cool as hell too, so I just hope I didn't make her think I was tryna take advantage of her, because I'd like to see her again honestly, even if we did have sex. During the awkward moment I told her that I didn't want her to get the wrong impression of me and I think I just made it more awkward by saying that lol. Oh well. I'm probably making a bigger deal of it in my mind than what it really is. I've had girls stop talking to me because I escalated too much, but this wasn't as much as I did with the other girls, and I stopped because I felt some awkwardness creep in.
> 
> I still don't' know if she wanted sex or not, but it seemed like it. She even moved her dogs inside when she offered to get me a drink, so I thought it was on. I still don't know what she wanted tbh. Added the awkward moment, I decided I shouldn't push it and come on too strong.


Great man your becoming a player


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I didn't read your earlier long post about the situation, so I'm just going to give input on what I've read from the quoted above...
> 
> I see two possible things going on here. Either she is a nice and friendly girl who just wants to be friends with you, or she's a nice and friendly girl who _may_ want to date you. She's nice obviously, and that's awesome.
> 
> Have you talked to her yet and got to know her? Next time you get a chance talk to her and get to know her. No pressure to ask her on a date or even get her number because you work together, and it's probably best you don't at first because you honestly don't know if she is just a nice and friendly person who just wants to be friends. At this point in time, I'd say talk to her like you would anyone else and get to know her a little better. Once you do that, and you feel more comfortable around her and there is a connection (friendship/rapport) then it will be much, much easier to invite her out or get her number. Ideally, after more familiarity is built, I'd invite her out somewhere. But for now, talk to her and get to know her if you haven't already. Build some personal familiarity.
> 
> Let's say she doesn't want to date anyone, and let's say she just wants to be friends. She is a nice girl from what I gather and she likely deserves respects either way, which I'm sure you realize, but some guys get angry about a girl not dating them. She works with you so if all else fails she could be an amazing friend and co-worker!


I think this woman is married but I missed the part where she got his number


----------



## destructor

bwidger85 said:


> I didn't read your earlier long post about the situation, so I'm just going to give input on what I've read from the quoted above...
> 
> I see two possible things going on here. Either she is a nice and friendly girl who just wants to be friends with you, or she's a nice and friendly girl who _may_ want to date you. She's nice obviously, and that's awesome.
> 
> Have you talked to her yet and got to know her? Next time you get a chance talk to her and get to know her. No pressure to ask her on a date or even get her number because you work together, and it's probably best you don't at first because you honestly don't know if she is just a nice and friendly person who just wants to be friends. At this point in time, I'd say talk to her like you would anyone else and get to know her a little better. Once you do that, and you feel more comfortable around her and there is a connection (friendship/rapport) then it will be much, much easier to invite her out or get her number. Ideally, after more familiarity is built, I'd invite her out somewhere. But for now, talk to her and get to know her if you haven't already. Build some personal familiarity.
> 
> Let's say she doesn't want to date anyone, and let's say she just wants to be friends. She is a nice girl from what I gather and she likely deserves respects either way, which I'm sure you realize, but some guys get angry about a girl not dating them. She works with you so if all else fails she could be an amazing friend and co-worker!





Zeeshan said:


> I think this woman is married but I missed the part where she got his number


Well normally I would be all pissed off about getting rejected for a date or what not, but when she indirectly rejected me I didn't give a ****. I just continued on with the conversation like it was never mentioned and she carried on with the conversation as well. It was strange. Never had something like that transpire in that fashion. Normally I lose interest in talking to them once they mention a boyfriend or husband and thus don't say much of anything and/or it throws me off, but with her it was different for some reason. I think because I felt like there was a spark between us and I felt like she felt that way too given the many different signals she had been sending me. If it were only a few things I wouldn't have bothered ever talking to her other than maybe a hello in passing, but it was a lot more than just that which is why I started to talk to her more.

But yeah like Zeeshan said, unfortunately she is married. The part about the phone # was re-capped in Part 2 of 3 if you want to go back and read it, here's the link: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...et-a-girl-186863/index207.html#post1064161601

And yes I have talked to her a couple of times. Not that extensively, maybe 5-10 minutes each time, but it's something. I can't really sit there and talk to her for hours on end because we're both supposed to be working and would likely get chewed out. We work different schedules so our breaks don't usually line up either. But apparently she takes a break where she doesn't clock out around 12:30. Normally I take my lunch at 12, but today I was late clocking out for that and thus went at 12:30. So I could, in theory, start intentionally taking my lunch at 12:30 to try to talk to her more. But I don't know if that is a good idea or not. Not sure if she'd want to be bothered or not, but given how she reacted today when seeing me during her break as I was driving by her, maybe she would be receptive to my talking with her during said break.

Normally I would think she's just being nice & friendly too, but if you go back and read the other posts about it you'll see that she's sent several different supposed signals to me which leads me to believe it's more than that. But since she's married, it's no go unfortunately. But despite the fact that she is married she still is sending me signals like the hip movement/emphasis I mentioned in Part 2 of the long post. And of course what all happened today. But I suppose it could still all just be coincidence. I don't usually pick up on signals from women this easily or quickly so I'm treading through new territory here. I think I have a decent grasp on how they behave when they want nothing to do with me, but she has done none of that, which is surprising. I'm pretty sure it's not my looks that are enticing her so it must be how I ignored her a full month or 2 before I started giving her attention. She's the type of woman that probably would get hit on constantly if she went out to a bar or club, so I figure by not paying attention to her it stands out more and makes her wonder why I don't hit on her constantly like everyone else does (in theory).

If she were single I was going to try to ask her out this week, but she's not, so I'm not going to mess with that. If she is serious about wanting to pursue something with me she'll need to get a divorce first. I'd also like her to put forth some more effort into showing she's into me, like coming to talk to me during her break or "accidentally" running into me where we could speak privately or something like that. We'll see what happens. If she just wants to be friendly co-workers, that's fine. If she wants to be just friends in general that's fine too. If she wants more than that that's cool too, but like I said she needs to get a divorce first if that's the case. I don't really have an interest in being one of her "girl friends" though so if that is what she is looking for I'll have to make sure to keep my distance. Been there done that (with other women), not going through that again.


----------



## bsd3355

Destructor, I think you made the right decision when it came to not messing with a married girl. Obviously, there is HUGE commitment and love and **** and it's just wrong considering there are other girls, as I'm sure you are aware of. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of things, good for you.

As far as the signals from girls go from work, I have had my own experiences with this as well. Some girls seem to be flirting with you but sometimes that's just their personality. And I'm the same way as you in the sense I'm not really looking to be her gay best friend, but I have come to a place in my mind that women who are nice and friendly and open and sweet, just because they are, is something to admire. How can you not admire someone who is so damn cool and friendly if they aren't doing it out of insecurity? I think girls who do that are super sweet and cute and I admire that. A lot of guys look at that friendliness as flirtation but she's just a happy, friendly person, and it's kind of cool to see people like that, and I respect that because they are who they are. I've seen those same type of friendly co-workers get ****ing nasty too if you got one their bad side, so they do it out of choice, which I also respect.

I wouldn't date this girl either. Plenty other girls out there if you are willing to put yourself out there the right way.

I also think girls are more bubbly like that for w/e reason, probably because social conditioning. If I was to do that to a male coworker, wave all giggly and smile, he'd think I'm gay or something else, so men stay clear of that for the most part lol. Women can do the same thing to other women and it's all gravy, so she's probably just doing what she's always done to her friends all her life.


----------



## destructor

Yeah you could be right about that. I have no problem with her being friendly if that's the case. Though personally I'd just assume to be left alone if that's all it is. That way people can't disappoint me as much if I keep my guard up.

Yeah with this woman, I'd definitely pursue it if she were single, but like you said, it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who's married. 

Not all women are bubbly, at least not around me anyways. Very few are actually. So it tends to stand out more when it does happen. There's a lot (well 5-10 is a lot for us, it's a small company) of female co-workers at my job and most of them don't even say hi, much less act like she does.

She's also showed some signs of potential jealously at least once, maybe more than that, but I know of one instance in particular. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts I was working with another female co-worker and had my back to the woman I'm talking about and she was staring at me the whole time, not paying hardly any attention to her work. I thought that was interesting.

Like I've said in other posts, she doesn't behave that way around other male co-workers from what I can tell, which you'd think if that's just her personality then she would do so for them as well. I don't recall if I mentioned this on here or not, but last week during my lunch break I was fixing food and was about I guess 25-50 feet away from her and I don't think we were in line of sight of one another and she was acting goofy, laughing and dancing and being loud, whereas most of the time she seems fairly quiet when I'm not walking by or she doesn't know I'm in earshot.

Yeah like I said I'd be interested if she were suddenly single, but I'm not hung up on her or anything. If I were to meet another woman tomorrow who I was interested in I would have no issues pursuing that. Whereas previously I've had a bad habit of trying to focus on just one girl even when she didn't feel the same way (or if she did she never said so). just find the whole thing interesting. A case study of sorts I suppose, since what I've learned in my dealings with her I can apply to future interactions with women. I've been trying to pay more attention when I walk by women in general out in public and see how they react when I walk by. Just to see if similar behavior occurs or they ignore me completely or whatever.

One funny thing that happened the other day when I was buying groceries I walked past this girl and guy and they didn't necessarily appear to be a couple until I got close and the dude grabbed her hand right away lol. I thought that was funny.


----------



## Zeeshan

destructor said:


> Yeah you could be right about that. I have no problem with her being friendly if that's the case. Though personally I'd just assume to be left alone if that's all it is. That way people can't disappoint me as much if I keep my guard up.
> 
> Yeah with this woman, I'd definitely pursue it if she were single, but like you said, it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who's married.
> 
> Not all women are bubbly, at least not around me anyways. Very few are actually. So it tends to stand out more when it does happen. There's a lot (well 5-10 is a lot for us, it's a small company) of female co-workers at my job and most of them don't even say hi, much less act like she does.
> 
> She's also showed some signs of potential jealously at least once, maybe more than that, but I know of one instance in particular. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts I was working with another female co-worker and had my back to the woman I'm talking about and she was staring at me the whole time, not paying hardly any attention to her work. I thought that was interesting.
> 
> Like I've said in other posts, she doesn't behave that way around other male co-workers from what I can tell, which you'd think if that's just her personality then she would do so for them as well. I don't recall if I mentioned this on here or not, but last week during my lunch break I was fixing food and was about I guess 25-50 feet away from her and I don't think we were in line of sight of one another and she was acting goofy, laughing and dancing and being loud, whereas most of the time she seems fairly quiet when I'm not walking by or she doesn't know I'm in earshot.
> 
> Yeah like I said I'd be interested if she were suddenly single, but I'm not hung up on her or anything. If I were to meet another woman tomorrow who I was interested in I would have no issues pursuing that. Whereas previously I've had a bad habit of trying to focus on just one girl even when she didn't feel the same way (or if she did she never said so). just find the whole thing interesting. A case study of sorts I suppose, since what I've learned in my dealings with her I can apply to future interactions with women. I've been trying to pay more attention when I walk by women in general out in public and see how they react when I walk by. Just to see if similar behavior occurs or they ignore me completely or whatever.
> 
> One funny thing that happened the other day when I was buying groceries I walked past this girl and guy and they didn't necessarily appear to be a couple until I got close and the dude grabbed her hand right away lol. I thought that was funny.


That happens other way too I've noticed. Its the worst


----------



## destructor

Zeeshan said:


> That happens other way too I've noticed. Its the worst


What do you mean? Where the woman quickly grabs the man's hand?


----------



## shinning like me

Thats right bk, talk to her and dont shy so much or else she may move on with someone else.....


----------



## destructor

bwidger85 said:


> We talked for a while and just got to know each other better. After like an hr or so I asked her how tall she is so I could get her to stand up so I could hug and then kiss her. She did that and I hugged and kissed her, which was all fine and dandy. I even kissed her neck and sucked on her earlobe, which she seemed cool with; added on top of that she invited me over to her house, she was talking about her friend because her friend was dating this guy for a month and didn't have sex with him, and to me it seemed like she was open for sex, especially since she said I could stay over if I wanted. So of course I'm thinking she was open for sex. So I had her sit on my lap and she was in a summer dress and I started making out with her more and moved my hand up her legs to her *** and she didn't stop me or anything. She asked if I wanted another beer so i followed her inside the apartment and tried to start making out with her again but she went back outside and I tried to get her on my lap again because she was on another chair from me and she hesitated and I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable, but I'm not sure if it was me acting weird because I was thinking of how I could escalate. It was just kind of weird, so then I felt like she wasn't ready for that so I tried to stop being a weirdo and just kicked back and talked with her some more to try and move past that awkward moment, which we did.
> 
> Honestly, all in all, she seems very interested in me, but I was just tryna feel out the situation and I acted slightly weird, so idk. I don't think it was a big deal. I think we connected well. She told me she thought I was fit and cute. I told her the same. Honestly, that summer dress she was wearing and seeing her legs and feeling her legs KILLED ME INSIDE--so hot. She's 28 but looks younger, but she's cool as hell too, so I just hope I didn't make her think I was tryna take advantage of her, because I'd like to see her again honestly, even if we did have sex. During the awkward moment I told her that I didn't want her to get the wrong impression of me and I think I just made it more awkward by saying that lol. Oh well. I'm probably making a bigger deal of it in my mind than what it really is. I've had girls stop talking to me because I escalated too much, but this wasn't as much as I did with the other girls, and I stopped because I felt some awkwardness creep in.
> 
> I still don't' know if she wanted sex or not, but it seemed like it. She even moved her dogs inside when she offered to get me a drink, so I thought it was on. I still don't know what she wanted tbh. Added the awkward moment, I decided I shouldn't push it and come on too strong.


I find it odd that she let you do all of that and then suddenly changed her mind. Maybe you put her off of it after the beer, I don't know. Have you talk to her since about any of this? Maybe next time if you're progressing that far with her take her to the bedroom or something where there's more privacy.

I think if she was truly turned off about the whole thing and wanted nothing to do with you, she'd say so or at least give more of an indication of that. She might've thought she was ready to have sex with you but decided to wait because maybe she thought you would just leave her after that. Depends how serious you two are I suppose.


----------



## bsd3355

destructor said:


> I find it odd that she let you do all of that and then suddenly changed her mind. Maybe you put her off of it after the beer, I don't know. Have you talk to her since about any of this? Maybe next time if you're progressing that far with her take her to the bedroom or something where there's more privacy.
> 
> I think if she was truly turned off about the whole thing and wanted nothing to do with you, she'd say so or at least give more of an indication of that. She might've thought she was ready to have sex with you but decided to wait because maybe she thought you would just leave her after that. Depends how serious you two are I suppose.


Honestly, I have no idea, but I texted her yesterday to see if she wanted to do something and she never texted me back so it doesn't look good. I've had other instances where a girl was clearly into me, even approached me in bars before, just to not respond to texts again. These instances had nothing to do with who I am as a person and they said I was cute so I have no idea. My only guess is that they either think I'm after one thing, or the fact, for this girl, she wasn't ready for all that. Who knows. But I'm not going to dwell on it. It's part of dating.

Went out today and got 6 numbers off campus. 2 dates tomorrow--not even sure if I want to call them dates because to them it might be a friendship thing, idk. All I do know is that girls are super receptive to coffee dates on the first date, or that's how it has been seeming these last couple weeks. The other girls I had dates with are busy til thursday. There has definitely been a major shift in the amount of dates I've been getting since I first started a while back. I think it has to do some things like my confidence, better conversation skills, trying to connect, asking at the right time, being more normal, not rushing it. Last Thursday(?) I got 5/5 numbers and today I got 6/6 and the other night at the bar I was 4/4 for numbers. Definitely a big change. And most of them are saying yes to coffee dates! Because this is kind of abrupt way of meeting someone I think coffee dates are perfect as they are casual, public and a great way for them to realize you aren't some weirdo. I like who I am and so it is easy for me to connect with them over coffee so it seems to be going well so far.

You may say to yourself, that is a ridiculous amount of numbers, but I doubt half of them will lead to anything romantic. I would say, if I were to guess, out of all those numbers, probably three will be anything romantic and we are both interested. All the others are likely to disappear or not want the same thing. But, I could be wrong, things have been changing a bit for me, so who knows? This is one of the reasons why I ask for so many numbers because I know a lot of them will disappear later. Also, I am trying to get better at this. I have certain goals as well.


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## Puppet Master

bwidger85 said:


> Honestly, I have no idea, but I texted her yesterday to see if she wanted to do something and she never texted me back so it doesn't look good. I've had other instances where a girl was clearly into me, even approached me in bars before, just to not respond to texts again. These instances had nothing to do with who I am as a person and they said I was cute so I have no idea. My only guess is that they either think I'm after one thing, or the fact, for this girl, she wasn't ready for all that. Who knows. But I'm not going to dwell on it. It's part of dating.
> 
> Went out today and got 6 numbers off campus. 2 dates tomorrow--not even sure if I want to call them dates because to them it might be a friendship thing, idk. All I do know is that girls are super receptive to coffee dates on the first date, or that's how it has been seeming these last couple weeks. The other girls I had dates with are busy til thursday. There has definitely been a major shift in the amount of dates I've been getting since I first started a while back. I think it has to do some things like my confidence, better conversation skills, trying to connect, asking at the right time, being more normal, not rushing it. Last Thursday(?) I got 5/5 numbers and today I got 6/6 and the other night at the bar I was 4/4 for numbers. Definitely a big change. And most of them are saying yes to coffee dates! Because this is kind of abrupt way of meeting someone I think coffee dates are perfect as they are casual, public and a great way for them to realize you aren't some weirdo. I like who I am and so it is easy for me to connect with them over coffee so it seems to be going well so far.
> 
> You may say to yourself, that is a ridiculous amount of numbers, but I doubt half of them will lead to anything romantic. I would say, if I were to guess, out of all those numbers, probably three will be anything romantic and we are both interested. All the others are likely to disappear or not want the same thing. But, I could be wrong, things have been changing a bit for me, so who knows? This is one of the reasons why I ask for so many numbers because I know a lot of them will disappear later. Also, I am trying to get better at this. I have certain goals as well.


Jesus dude you spend a lot of time on that haha. I give you credit though for seeking out what you want. I'm guessing your a college student at present best of luck.

But to answer the thread question not a damn thing not interested in fat girls and that's what I mostly see where I live (Southwest Suburbs of Chicago not good for places to go and all that) and it seems like I'm better off focusing on my own strength.


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## destructor

@bwidger85:

I think like you said she is flaking on you for some reason. But that kind of thing happens sometimes. There was a girl a few years ago I went to her place 3 times over the course of 6 months (I didn't have my own place at the time) and we fooled around a bit each time (didn't go all the way though) and after the 3rd time she texts me or calls me I forget which a few days later and randomly decides she doesn't want to talk to me anymore/see me anymore. She was always "sick" when I went to her place, so I think she had someone else on the side. I mean that's fine and all we never said we were exclusive, but it still sucks that she did that to me. But like you said, that's part of dating sometimes.

Man dude. I'd be lucky to get 1 # with my usual fear of rejection/approaching. What do you think has worked for you to get to this point? I'm assuming being on this forum that you had SA of some kind previously.

My whole experience with the woman I work with I've mentioned has been so unlike me in how I've approached her this quickly and what not. It usually takes me months sometimes even years before I'm able to do anything like that. In fact I think she is the first woman I've met in person first (as opposed to meeting online first) since I was in college (and I graduated 8 years ago) that I've actually approached/flirted with/shown my attraction towards. Because when I was in college I actually had a built in discussion point, so it was a lot easier to talk to them back then.

There was a different attractive woman at a previous job, my first job after college and we worked together maybe 3-4 months and I had a bit of a crush on her but never really did anything about it as I was too afraid of being rejected. I think she was either in a relationship or married at the time as well, I can't recall, but even if she had been single I probably wouldn't have done anything.

There have been a few women since then that I met online first and then later met in person, but similar to this woman you mentioned they all flaked on me after 1 "date." So either I have really bad luck or I was doing something wrong, or possibly both.

Surprisingly there was no cold reaction from the woman I work with (to simplify this we'll call her Mary [not her real name]) this morning. I was late getting to work because I woke up late and got stuck in traffic and when I got in she wasn't in her work area like she usually is. I guess she had to use the restroom or something. I had to stop and talk to someone else about work related stuff and low and behold Mary came back through back to her work area as I was standing there. I didn't really notice if she was sending me any signals at this point as I'm still trying to mostly ignore her. But as I was leaving to go to my office we made eye contact and she smiled at me and said good morning and I smiled back and said hey. I said morning to everyone else, so I try to make it a point to greet her differently to send a subtle signal that I view her differently than everyone else. She had turned her body so she was diagonally pointed at me like so:

....HF.... .....//....
|------| |------|
|------| |------|
|------| |------|

------| ME |--------

So HF is her friend who we'll call Alice (not her real name) from now on to simplify things, // is Mary diagonally aiming her body towards me and ME is well ME, duh. I had to unlock the door to the offices (where I'm standing in the above diagram) and had my back to her during this but once I opened it up I turned around to close the door and that's when Mary & I looked at each other and did our usual subtle flirting.

This is how it normally is:

....HF.... ....||....
|------| |------|
|------| |------|
|------| |------|

------| ME |--------

Where HF is her friend, ME is me, and || is her standing forwards. So for some reason she turned her body to aim it directly at me which I thought was interesting.

Mary seemed somewhat happy to see me this morning first thing and then when I had to go back through her work area later to do some work that I needed to do she basically ignored me completely. So I ignored her back and went about my business. When I came back to go back to my office she was still ignoring me so I ignored her some more. But then when I went to heat up my lunch she had her back to the door and was bent over so her backside would be right in your face as soon as you opened the door. Don't know if she did that because she knew I was coming down soon or was just a coincidence. She wore some tight sexy black pants, the same ones when I first caught a glimpse of her from behind and she also had on an apron or something like that which I thought was odd. Maybe she was trying it on for the hell of it, or maybe she was trying to show that she'd make a good mom/wife. Like hey look at me, I'd be a good mom for your kids/wife to you. I'm pretty sure she knows when I go to lunch approximately, so it's possible it had something to do with me I guess, but more likely it probably was just a coincidence. But then when I was going back to my office to eat my lunch she was back in her work area again and she looked at me and I looked at her and she just lit up with a big sexy smile and looked back down fairly quickly then looked back up at me and smiled another sexy smile again. I smiled back and said hey and went about my business. Maybe I should've gone and talked to her some, oh well. I probably screwed that one up. But if she does that again I will try to talk to her. Supposedly that type of look she gave me is a tell tale sign of a woman being attracted to you.

I do find it funny/amusing that she keeps playing hot & cold with me. This morning she seemed hot towards me, then the next 2 times she seemed cold & distant, then this time she seemed hot again. I think she is enjoying herself doing this to me and heck I am enjoying doing it right back to her. In my previous experiences with women I'd just get disappointed and give up at the first sign of a cold reaction, but she has shown me that she is doing both I guess to test me or maybe she just likes doing it. But it's nice to have a gorgeous woman checking you out and seemingly crushing on you. I don't get why she likes me, but she sure seems to. And she seems to have a hard time hiding it if she looks at me at all. I think that's why sometimes she completely ignores me.

I wonder if anyone has noticed how we behave around each other or said anything to each other or perhaps even to her directly about it. I think if you're paying attention it's pretty obvious we're flirting with each other and checking each other out. I wouldn't be surprised if they think there's more going on than that. There's not of course, but I know I've imagined what it would be like and given how she reacts to me, I wouldn't be surprised if she has too, especially considering some of the self-touching she has done before when looking at me. Supposedly women will do that when they are attracted to you and want to imagine what it would be like if you were touching them.

I had to go back through where she works again later to do more work related stuff. I don't think she looked at me much this time at all until I went up to her and Alice and asked for their opinion/help on something for my job. I already kinda knew the answer but I wanted to get a 2nd opinion and also show Mary that I value her opinion and it gave us an excuse to talk to each other, albeit briefly and about work. I didn't stay and chat this time because I knew my boss was down there and I didn't want to get any of us in trouble. They were gracious enough to help me out. Mary was a lot more helpful than Alice was. Alice just kinda clammed up basically. But she basically agreed with what Mary said anyways. Mary was a lot more descriptive and talkative and seemed to genuinely want to help me. Even though as I mentioned I already basically knew the answer to my work related question. Mary had pointed her body towards me during this as well. I didn't notice a whole lot of other body language from her this time though other than her giving me a lot of eye contact and she'd briefly look back down at the thing I asked about and then back at me. When I went back by to go back to my office she basically ignored me. But that could've been because my boss (her boss's boss) was sitting nearby and he would've overheard anything said and potentially chewed us out. So we'll see what happens tomorrow with Mary I suppose. I didn't see her again anymore after this today.

Different subject, I mentioned the other day that I messaged an old friend of mine on Facebook. We'll call her Ellen (not her real name). Well it took her a few days but she actually wrote me back. I'm surprised she did. I figured not only would she ignore me, but I thought she'd unfriend me too. She seemed like she brushed off where I said I had a crush on her back in the day and still found her attractive. But she did reply to the rest of it and she seems like she is doing well, which is good for her I suppose. She and her husband recently separated and I know she had been down about that for a while given some of the things she's posted on FB. I told her if she needed to talk to someone or someone to just listen to let me know. I'm not really concerned about the friend zone possibility by doing that because I'm pretty sure she's not interested in me and because she has at least 2-3 kids, possibly more. Generally I don't really want to raise someone else's kids. I'd make an exception for Mary as she is just unbelievably hot and seems to be crushing on me big time, but otherwise, no thanks. Don't get me wrong, Ellen is pretty hot herself, but she hasn't shown any interest in me like Mary has.


----------



## bsd3355

Puppet Master said:


> Jesus dude you spend a lot of time on that haha. I give you credit though for seeking out what you want. I'm guessing your a college student at present best of luck.
> 
> But to answer the thread question not a damn thing not interested in fat girls and that's what I mostly see where I live (Southwest Suburbs of Chicago not good for places to go and all that) and it seems like I'm better off focusing on my own strength.


If you live even near chicago you should have no problem finding dates! It is the third largest city in america! Where you live probably has 8-10xs the amount of people where I live, easy. Either way, good luck with everything.


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## bsd3355

Destructor, not sure if Mary is the chick who is married or not, but if she is, I wouldn't mess with that. If she's not married and single then I think you are thinking too much about it and looking into details too much. Meeting someone isn't a puzzle; dating is more like you see someone you like, you talk with them and you invite them out. As a guy especially, you need to learn to be direct and bold with what you want or you almost always run the risk of nothing happening with girls. Talking to lots and lots of girls like I do will eliminate a lot of your insecurities and will help you overcome rejection and get better meeting people in general. You don't have to date lots of women, but it'll help you become comfortable with the process so you can apply it if you find yourself single again. Optimally, guys are better off learning how to be comfortable meeting women, which is why this has been such a big deal for me. Online has always sucked for me. Try going out and talking to more girls in person as well.

GL with everything. And keep posting! Hopefully things work well for you and your situation.


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## destructor

bwidger85 said:


> Destructor, not sure if Mary is the chick who is married or not, but if she is, I wouldn't mess with that. If she's not married and single then I think you are thinking too much about it and looking into details too much. Meeting someone isn't a puzzle; dating is more like you see someone you like, you talk with them and you invite them out. As a guy especially, you need to learn to be direct and bold with what you want or you almost always run the risk of nothing happening with girls. Talking to lots and lots of girls like I do will eliminate a lot of your insecurities and will help you overcome rejection and get better meeting people in general. You don't have to date lots of women, but it'll help you become comfortable with the process so you can apply it if you find yourself single again. Optimally, guys are better off learning how to be comfortable meeting women, which is why this has been such a big deal for me. Online has always sucked for me. Try going out and talking to more girls in person as well.
> 
> GL with everything. And keep posting! Hopefully things work well for you and your situation.


Yes Mary (not her real name) is the married woman. I'm not pursuing it beyond just saying hello and subtle flirting. No harm in that I don't think. And the flirting is all non-verbal and no touching or anything like that. And if I meet someone else, then great. If not, then oh well. And if I were hypothetically to meet someone else and start pursuing something with that person, then I would of course not do the subtle flirting and all of that anymore with Mary. Heck I would've never done any flirting to begin with if she hadn't initiated it. I guess I should probably cut back more on it.

It's going to be a long time before I can randomly approach random women and start conversations with them. I've never been that outgoing or extroverted, not since I was 10 years old or so. I pretty much gave up all of that once I got to middle school due to kids being ******** to me. I learned to keep to myself and only trust a very small # of people. It takes me time to warm up to someone to let my guard down, which isn't conducive to meeting/approaching random women. By the time I'm ready to make a move they've moved on or think I'm not interested in them.

I do agree with you about talking to more and more will help, but it's always the first step that's the most difficult as they say. I'm not someone who goes out and parties or what not so I don't go anywhere with the specific intention of meeting someone. Online is much easier for me as it allows me to be myself sooner and open up sooner. I've been able to get phone #s and dates within a week or so whereas in person it'd take me months or years to get to that point.

Maybe eventually I'll be able to do it, but right now I don't feel I'm capable of it.


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## Zeeshan

So why do you think she would invite you over make out not go all the way and now not return your texts?.

Possibly already in a relationship or just out if 1? What's your next move with her?


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So why do you think she would invite you over make out not go all the way and now not return your texts?.
> 
> Possibly already in a relationship or just out if 1? What's your next move with her?


She might of just wanted to get laid tbh and when I hesitated and didn't pull the trigger she lost interest, but who knows? I can't tell you for sure. The way she kissed me and how receptive and how she texted me before indicated she was really interested in me, so this is also baffling to me. She doesn't seem like the type to play games, so she must of genuinely decided she wasn't interested. Idk. Either way, it's a waste of my time to worry about it because I did nothing inherently bad or wrong so if she lost interest for w.e. then she did and that's how dating goes and there is nothing I can do about it.

I plan on texting her tomorrow. If she doesn't respond this time I'm deleting her number and I'll still go out and meet other girls so I'm not gonna worry about it.

I'm the one who initiated the kissing and everything, and I felt up her skirt to her *** so maybe I just came on too strong and she thought I was a player or something. I might of screwed it up doing that, so I tried to back off because I sensed some discomfort when I tried to get her to sit on my lap again. That's the only thing I could think of. Same thing with that girl who approached me at the bar, she was highly interested in me but kept telling me how she thought all guys who go to bars alone are only after one thing; she also didn't respond to my texts. Honestly though, dude, it's not my problem because I didn't push hard for it or anything and I tried to respect her space, but w/e.

Honestly, I was confused with what she wanted and she was hot and I just like 50% went for it and might of creeped her out slightly, just enough to be like, "Yeah, this guy is coming on too strong".... or, she could of just wanted a fling and lost interest after i didn't go for it when I had the opportunity, but if that was the case i'm sure she'd see me again....lol idk


----------



## bsd3355

destructor said:


> Yes Mary (not her real name) is the married woman. I'm not pursuing it beyond just saying hello and subtle flirting. No harm in that I don't think. And the flirting is all non-verbal and no touching or anything like that. And if I meet someone else, then great. If not, then oh well. And if I were hypothetically to meet someone else and start pursuing something with that person, then I would of course not do the subtle flirting and all of that anymore with Mary. Heck I would've never done any flirting to begin with if she hadn't initiated it. I guess I should probably cut back more on it.
> 
> It's going to be a long time before I can randomly approach random women and start conversations with them. I've never been that outgoing or extroverted, not since I was 10 years old or so. I pretty much gave up all of that once I got to middle school due to kids being ******** to me. I learned to keep to myself and only trust a very small # of people. It takes me time to warm up to someone to let my guard down, which isn't conducive to meeting/approaching random women. By the time I'm ready to make a move they've moved on or think I'm not interested in them.
> 
> I do agree with you about talking to more and more will help, but it's always the first step that's the most difficult as they say. I'm not someone who goes out and parties or what not so I don't go anywhere with the specific intention of meeting someone. Online is much easier for me as it allows me to be myself sooner and open up sooner. I've been able to get phone #s and dates within a week or so whereas in person it'd take me months or years to get to that point.
> 
> Maybe eventually I'll be able to do it, but right now I don't feel I'm capable of it.


It's cool that you are sincere with yourself, and while I'm not advocating you do anything you aren't ready for, I'd just like to say that people usually don't think they can do many things until they do it. A lot of guys and gals on this forum always say they "can't" or they "aren't this or that". I honestly think they are capable but they just aren't willing to go through with it, or at least stick with it. But I'm not saying I don't understand, because it was the hardest thing I've ever done thus far, and I also realize when you are in the head space of thinking you "can't" then you typically don't have the things to call upon for motivation or inspiration or hope.

Online is great if it works for you and if you are happy with it then great! This is an SA site after all, and this thread was made for guys/gals who have SA and for them to share their story. I've been here for so long that I've got attached here and haven't found a reason to stop posting yet.

No harm in flirting with the girl I suppose. I'll try not to keep imposing my views on the matter for a while. Keep doing your thang. GL and keep us posted if you want


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> She might of just wanted to get laid tbh and when I hesitated and didn't pull the trigger she lost interest, but who knows? I can't tell you for sure. The way she kissed me and how receptive and how she texted me before indicated she was really interested in me, so this is also baffling to me. She doesn't seem like the type to play games, so she must of genuinely decided she wasn't interested. Idk. Either way, it's a waste of my time to worry about it because I did nothing inherently bad or wrong so if she lost interest for w.e. then she did and that's how dating goes and there is nothing I can do about it.
> 
> I plan on texting her tomorrow. If she doesn't respond this time I'm deleting her number and I'll still go out and meet other girls so I'm not gonna worry about it.
> 
> I'm the one who initiated the kissing and everything, and I felt up her skirt to her *** so maybe I just came on too strong and she thought I was a player or something. I might of screwed it up doing that, so I tried to back off because I sensed some discomfort when I tried to get her to sit on my lap again. That's the only thing I could think of. Same thing with that girl who approached me at the bar, she was highly interested in me but kept telling me how she thought all guys who go to bars alone are only after one thing; she also didn't respond to my texts. Honestly though, dude, it's not my problem because I didn't push hard for it or anything and I tried to respect her space, but w/e.
> 
> Honestly, I was confused with what she wanted and she was hot and I just like 50% went for it and might of creeped her out slightly, just enough to be like, "Yeah, this guy is coming on too strong".... or, she could of just wanted a fling and lost interest after i didn't go for it when I had the opportunity, but if that was the case i'm sure she'd see me again....lol idk


I think that your right she thougth you were a player and was only looking for a one nigth stand


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## destructor

bwidger85 said:


> It's cool that you are sincere with yourself, and while I'm not advocating you do anything you aren't ready for, I'd just like to say that people usually don't think they can do many things until they do it. A lot of guys and gals on this forum always say they "can't" or they "aren't this or that". I honestly think they are capable but they just aren't willing to go through with it, or at least stick with it. But I'm not saying I don't understand, because it was the hardest thing I've ever done thus far, and I also realize when you are in the head space of thinking you "can't" then you typically don't have the things to call upon for motivation or inspiration or hope.
> 
> Online is great if it works for you and if you are happy with it then great! This is an SA site after all, and this thread was made for guys/gals who have SA and for them to share their story. I've been here for so long that I've got attached here and haven't found a reason to stop posting yet.
> 
> No harm in flirting with the girl I suppose. I'll try not to keep imposing my views on the matter for a while. Keep doing your thang. GL and keep us posted if you want


Yeah for me it's not so much that I can't per se, it's just that I'm terrified of doing so. Imagine for a moment that you have arachnophobia and someone asks you to spend several hours in a confined space with spiders and other arachnids. Doesn't sound too appealing right? Well it's kinda like that with me and approaching women I'm attracted to. I psyche myself out by thinking of all the possible bad outcomes. I guess I do that as a protection mechanism because if I am already expecting it to go badly it will be less surprising/hurtful if it does. I wish I could just turn my brain off sometimes when it comes to this kind of thing. Conversely I can usually talk to women I'm not attracted to just fine.

The whole situation with this woman though is major, major progress for me. If you had told me a month ago I'd be approaching, talking to, and flirting with someone who looks like her, I'd tell you you're ******* out of your mind and if you told me she'd be flirting back and be receptive towards me, I'd say the same thing and tell you that wouldn't happen in a million years. I still can't believe I actually did all of the things I did. She is way out of my league in terms of looks at least.

Take for example this girl I had a crush on in college. I think I met her my 2nd or 3rd year. We were the same major so we had a lot of the same classes together and it took me months just to be able to talk to her let alone show her I was interested. Eventually I would find out she was seeing someone already and he was your typical d-bag type guy. She complained about him on a nearly weekly basis and I told her multiple times to break up with him if she was so unhappy. Me being the idiot I am never made a move on her until it was too late. I sent her flowers and a card for her birthday once when she was still dating him I believe. She seemed appreciative of that. She suspected him of cheating on her at multiple points and again I told her to break up with him if she is so unhappy. She told me she wanted to have a family and get married and all of that and he didn't seem to want those things and again I told her to break up with him. It took until I think our 4th or 5th year of college (we were in the same graduating class) that they finally broke up. I tried to get her to date me, though in retrospect I probably wasn't direct enough with it. By this point though I was friend zoned so it probably wouldn't have mattered. Though we did break the touch barrier multiple times through hugs and the like. I did put my arm around her a few times and she didn't seem to object it much. I sometimes would put my hand on the small of her back when we would walk to our cars or our next class together. But that's about it as far as touching goes.

The funny thing is, we spent so much time together in and outside of class (just around campus mostly) that I'm sure some people assumed we were dating. Other people who were classmates of ours said we had great chemistry together and were surprised we weren't dating. She came to my house once to study and I went to her house a couple of times I think, once to help her with a computer problem and once to study I think. We kinda fell out of touch after college and then one day out of the blue she calls me and we get back in touch, but only over the phone/texting/Facebook. I tried once again to get her to date me, but again I probably wasn't direct enough. She dated a few guys here and there, not really sure how many or anything. I didn't want to know nor did I care. Eventually I got sick of all of this and told her how I felt and that if we couldn't be together then I couldn't be friends with her anymore because it was too difficult for me because of my feelings for her. I think she tried to talk me out of it briefly but I just was like yeah whatever and basically ignored her and after a couple of days I stopped hearing from her and I eventually deleted her #. I looked her up on Facebook the other day out of curiosity and she's married to some dude I never heard her mention before, so it must be someone she met after we stopped talking. But given that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, I wouldn't be surprised to hear she's single within the next 5-10 years. But even through all of this I still just want her to be happy. So if she is, then good for her. I still think she should've picked me, but I guess she just didn't feel the same.


----------



## bsd3355

^Crazy stuff. I'd rather face rejection than go through all that, personally.

Had the two dates today. One I feel like isn't really my type.

The girl who didn't text me back the other night--the girl who invited me over--I texted her today just to see if she'd text me back and she did eventually. She said she was sick yesterday from a bike ride? That sucks I guess. I asked what her and her friends are up to this weekend and she said she doesn't know and that she's probably gonna keep it low key. I told her I was probably gonna rent a movie and if she wanted to come over and watch it she could, still waiting for response.

I was tryna get to hang out somewhere with her and her friends until she said she was keeping it low key, and I want to do that so she didn't think I was tryna get laid or w/e. Not that she doesn't, but just felt like it'd be the right move until she said she was staying low key so I said I was gonna rent a movie instead. If she comes over I know she knows there will be a probability of sex, especially since me kissing her last and moving my hand on her *** and all that, so if she comes over she's probably open for it. I'm not even saying that's what my goals are; all I'm saying is I know she knows there is a probability if she comes over. Will see what happens.


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## destructor

bwidger85 said:


> ^Crazy stuff. I'd rather face rejection than go through all that, personally.
> 
> Had the two dates today. One I feel like isn't really my type.
> 
> The girl who didn't text me back the other night--the girl who invited me over--I texted her today just to see if she'd text me back and she did eventually. She said she was sick yesterday from a bike ride? That sucks I guess. I asked what her and her friends are up to this weekend and she said she doesn't know and that she's probably gonna keep it low key. I told her I was probably gonna rent a movie and if she wanted to come over and watch it she could, still waiting for response.
> 
> I was tryna get to hang out somewhere with her and her friends until she said she was keeping it low key, and I want to do that so she didn't think I was tryna get laid or w/e. Not that she doesn't, but just felt like it'd be the right move until she said she was staying low key so I said I was gonna rent a movie instead. If she comes over I know she knows there will be a probability of sex, especially since me kissing her last and moving my hand on her *** and all that, so if she comes over she's probably open for it. I'm not even saying that's what my goals are; all I'm saying is I know she knows there is a probability if she comes over. Will see what happens.


Yeah well, guess I'm crazy haha. Good luck with the chick you mentioned.


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## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^Crazy stuff. I'd rather face rejection than go through all that, personally.
> 
> Had the two dates today. One I feel like isn't really my type.
> 
> The girl who didn't text me back the other night--the girl who invited me over--I texted her today just to see if she'd text me back and she did eventually. She said she was sick yesterday from a bike ride? That sucks I guess. I asked what her and her friends are up to this weekend and she said she doesn't know and that she's probably gonna keep it low key. I told her I was probably gonna rent a movie and if she wanted to come over and watch it she could, still waiting for response.
> 
> I was tryna get to hang out somewhere with her and her friends until she said she was keeping it low key, and I want to do that so she didn't think I was tryna get laid or w/e. Not that she doesn't, but just felt like it'd be the right move until she said she was staying low key so I said I was gonna rent a movie instead. If she comes over I know she knows there will be a probability of sex, especially since me kissing her last and moving my hand on her *** and all that, so if she comes over she's probably open for it. I'm not even saying that's what my goals are; all I'm saying is I know she knows there is a probability if she comes over. Will see what happens.


Generally speaking wouldn't you want to let women know you want to have sex with them

Why would you want to make her thing you weren't trying to lay her?


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## Sacrieur

Being sleep deprived and riddled with SA thus far.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Generally speaking wouldn't you want to let women know you want to have sex with them
> 
> Why would you want to make her thing you weren't trying to lay her?


because some girls think that if you have sex with them early you won't talk to them again; hence the "3 date rule".

no worries though, she didn't text me back which means she's not interested. i deleted her number.


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## RelinquishedHell

I've just given up on it all together. One question I ask myself is "Would I like me?" That's when I know it isn't ever gonna happen.


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## MusingForX

My coffee date got canceled. Actually my whole day was insufferable, and after the cancellation, I had other stuff happen that just make me want to huddle under my blanket for the rest of the night.

I think after having so many bad dates, I am going to get used to setting dates without expectations. I was discussing with my coworker on this, and I think I am going to focus on getting girls in real life for more serious venture, online is too freaking random so ill keep online ventures just for entertainment.


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## bsd3355

^Honestly, I think online competition for men is ridiculous. Everyone and their mother hits on girls online, but in real life people are cowards, which means more opportunity because less competition. That's why I think online really sucks for guys.


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## MusingForX

bwidger85 said:


> ^Honestly, I think online competition for men is ridiculous. Everyone and their mother hits on girls online, but in real life people are cowards, which means more opportunity because less competition. That's why I think online really sucks for guys.


Quoted for truth.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Generally speaking wouldn't you want to let women know you want to have sex with them
> 
> Why would you want to make her thing you weren't trying to lay her?


Let's say you do want to have sex with them, then by all means show your intent.

In this instance, I wanted to see her again and I was afraid that pushing for sex would ruin it. If I of known that she wouldn't see me again, I would have pushed for sex and probably would of got laid, and if I got rejected for sex I wouldn't of cared because then I wouldn't of felt like I ruined anything being I would of known she wasn't going to talk to me again anyway.

With this said, I can honestly see why guys want to be players. I might just start pushing for it harder being how flaky girls can be, and if they don't want to see me again because I pushed for sex, then screw it. _ I would think if a girl really wanted to see you again and didn't want to have sex with you because she was afraid you'd never see her again, she'd let you know or play by the 3 date rule kind of thing. _Soooooooo.....it makes total sense why guys push so hard for sex, because if the girl wants it then she will go for it and if she wants to see you again but is playing the 3 date rule strategy then she'll STILL see you again if she denies you. It's almost as if her not wanting to have sex with you and then not ever wanting to see you again is a fast way of showing you she's not really that interested sexually. So ****, you might as well go for it!

For instance, some of these girl I met for coffee are starting to flake now that I asked them for movie dates. Likely, what is going on is they are interested in friendships more than anything, or they simply aren't that interested, so even the idea of having more dates seems like a silly idea before pushing for sex. If the girl was really that interested in you, she'd likely wouldn't really care you pushed for sex and would see you again. So **** it, I might just start pushing for it a lot sooner now and stop wasting my time with girls who aren't sexual interested in me.

I have a girl coming over tomorrow and I'm just gonna burn it to the ground and go for it totally. If she's interested then she'll stay around. If she's not interested then she'll either stop me, which of course I will obey, or she'll have sex with me and never see me again. Might as well be honest with what you want and go for it. I'm not here to be a gay best friend. This isn't to say I'm not interested in a relationship either, but why not go for sex? If she's interested enough she'll stick around and maybe a relationship will blossom, just like all the other girls who I had sex with fast, they ended up sticking around because they wanted something more. I'm not wasting my time anymore. If she is one of those prudish types who despises having sex with a guy she just met then she'll stop talking to me and I'll find a girl who wants the same thing and isn't as close-minded.

It's interesting how when I first started going out again and meeting girls my focus wasn't on sex, but now it is because I realize I might as well get something out of it if I'm putting in all this damn work and girls are flaking anyway. Girls aren't stupid at all and they will go as far as they can before getting in anyway intimate with you if they aren't sexually interested, but as soon as you act in ways that reveals that you are sexually interested in them when they aren't, they vanish, which makes sense. You can't be mad at them for just wanting to make friends either. The ones I don't get are the ones who seem very interested then just vanish, but like I said, best not to care about those girls and find the ones whoa re interested, which I will.


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## MusingForX

My friend who's a pretty good player pushes for sex pretty hard. The faster he gets it done with, the more loyal the girl becomes. I guess its because if the girls got banged and stopped contact, theyd feel cheap so they make sure they get more out of the guy so that their seeming pride doesn't devalue.


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## bsd3355

MusingForX said:


> My friend who's a pretty good player pushes for sex pretty hard. The faster he gets it done with, the more loyal the girl becomes. I guess its because if the girls got banged and stopped contact, theyd feel cheap so they make sure they get more out of the guy so that their seeming pride doesn't devalue.


This seems pretty accurate to me. Not saying all girls are like this, but it makes sense. Now isn't that interesting?


----------



## Charmander




----------



## BiagioScanz444

Guys, think with your brains and not your penis for once. Ignore the girls; they don't need you.... why? This picture explains it all.


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## Zeeshan

Feel so down


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## TheDarkGuardian

Being myself. *Badumtish*


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## Zeeshan

TheDarkKnight said:


> Being myself. *Badumtish*


Are you being yourself when your alone or even in the presence of others


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## TheDarkGuardian

Zeeshan said:


> Are you being yourself when your alone or even in the presence of others


Well I'm the crazy eccentric type, so I guess I'm being myself in both situations but when there's others they notice what I do is crazy whereas I consider it normal when I'm by myself.


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## Aphexfan

Right now...I would say nothing :b. Not sure how many girls would like an unemployed broke college graduate who still lives with his parents. You better line up ladies! 

A relationship would do nothing but make a complicated situation even more complicated lol


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## bsd3355

Aphexfan said:


> Right now...I would say nothing :b. Not sure how many girls would like an unemployed broke college graduate who still lives with his parents. You better line up ladies!
> 
> A relationship would do nothing but make a complicated situation even more complicated lol


I'm currently unemployed, not graduated and live with my dad at 27. I still get dates and girls. Granted I go to school, and granted I usually have a job, it still doesn't matter too much unless you are looking to move in with a girl or settle down imo.

I'm going to go out next week and hit it hard and get lots and lots and lots of numbers, set up dates, etc., and see what happens. Feeling pretty good and recently, as you may of noticed, I feel like I've reached a new level of confidence and competence which is going to help me even more, and you can see the results of that from the amount of stuff that has been going on lately.

I didn't have that date with the girl yesterday at my house because first I canceled because I wasn't feeling good and then later I rescheduled like an idiot but supposedly her car is having issues so we set it up for Sunday. I canceled a coffee date this weekend as well because I've been having troubles with my car. A couple girls I am not that interested in, and all the rest seem to be flaky, and a few have been totally unresponsive. Almost always when a girl is flaky that means she's not interested and she will eventually disappear, like clockwork, which is fine and cool and expected if a girl isn't interested. Most guys would do the same thing. You might say you wouldn't and then you start getting girls hitting you up enough that your not interested in and you'll realize that flaking or telling a white lie to extend periods of time before you disappear is actually more convenient all the way around lol.


----------



## Zeeshan

Aphexfan said:


> Right now...I would say nothing :b. Not sure how many girls would like an unemployed broke college graduate who still lives with his parents. You better line up ladies!
> 
> A relationship would do nothing but make a complicated situation even more complicated lol


Well i have a great career, my own condo, and a new mercedes, and I still dont have enough confidence to raw approach women. So just so you know it isnt going to change things on the inside. Ofcourse since getting my own place again last year, and driving my beautiful car life is much more pleasant, but those things are for me and not to impress anyone.

I have often wondered why i cannot approach a girl. Like today, i was getting all the go ahead signals possible at this coffee shop, and yet i couldnt do it. Apparently according to popular opinion im a catch, but that still doesnt help me approach.

Anyhow, i have met someone new. We were suppose to go out this weekend, but she is dealing with a funeral. Normally i would think that this is a girl lying but i dont think so. For one thing, when i dont text her, she texts me. Which tells me that she is interested. We have also done a lot of personal talk, which in my experience usually a good sign.

She is fairly attractive though shorter. As i have mentioned in this thread before, nearly all my failures with women can be attributed to me being around 5'7". So she is fairly shorter which i think makes me more attractive to her.

So steady as she goes i guess. Mind you this one could flake on me too, i have a good feeling about her.


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## interne tt

I've been going up to random women and asking them if they want to go out on a date.


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## Zeeshan

interne tt said:


> I've been going up to random women and asking them if they want to go out on a date.


hows that going?


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## interne tt

Zeeshan said:


> hows that going?


I've been doing it to get used to rejection, the girls were pretty nice the last time I tried it. One girl called me "very brave" and people watching told me they wish they could do that. It's pretty fun and makes me feel confident.


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## Zeeshan

interne tt said:


> I've been doing it to get used to rejection, the girls were pretty nice the last time I tried it. One girl called me "very brave" and people watching told me they wish they could do that. It's pretty fun and makes me feel confident.


but you werent able to get it to work? Thats the unfortunate part.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> but you werent able to get it to work? Thats the unfortunate part.


well, yeah. that comes with anything you take risks with. if you can't handle rejection sometimes then you shouldn't even think about trying to meet girls. getting rejected by some girl you hardly know shouldn't be a big deal at all.


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## bsd3355

interne tt said:


> I've been doing it to get used to rejection, the girls were pretty nice the last time I tried it. One girl called me "very brave" and people watching told me they wish they could do that. It's pretty fun and makes me feel confident.


exactly how are you meeting these girls? how are you approaching them? can you give examples of the approaches you did and what you said and how you felt, etc?


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## interne tt

bwidger85 said:


> exactly how are you meeting these girls? how are you approaching them? can you give examples of the approaches you did and what you said and how you felt, etc?


It's an experiment that's supposed to end in rejection. I was walking around a grocery store and I said to random girls, "Excuse me, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me."

It seems like one of the most socially retarded things you can say, but still some of the responses have been pleasant. Rejection isn't so bad.

At first I'm very nervous about doing it but afterwards it feels good to be able to do what many people without SA fear.


----------



## bsd3355

interne tt said:


> It's an experiment that's supposed to end in rejection. I was walking around a grocery store and I said to random girls, "Excuse me, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me."
> 
> It seems like one of the most socially retarded things you can say, but still some of the responses have been pleasant. Rejection isn't so bad.
> 
> At first I'm very nervous about doing it but afterwards it feels good to be able to do what many people without SA fear.


Haha

If that gets you over rejection than kudos to you! Might as well start trying to have conversations with the girls and asking for numbers and dates now. Once you do that, report back here or PM me and let me know how it goes.

Doing things like this seem silly to some people, but facing your fear like that and even doing humiliating things is the fastest way to overcome the fears, so much props!


----------



## whatyoumustthink

At the moment, I'm at a difficult point where everything's come to a standstill. There were a number of girls in the last few months who showed interest in me or came into my life, and I hung onto them... but none of them are going anywhere.

The most ongoing one at the moment, is when I incidentally ended up talking to this girl from my hometown a while ago through Facebook. We met unintentionally, on a thing called "ask.fm" where I left a joking comment. We ended up hitting off a mini conversation and she said she wanted to know who I was... I revealed myself, and since then we've got to know each other online. She's definitely shown interest in me, talking to me, "liking" pictures of me and things I've written, said she thinks I'm intelligent, and one time asked if I was going to an event she was going to. After noticing there was definitely some consistency, I finally dropped a more blunt hint that I'd like to meet her in person, saying something along the lines of "It would be really cool to meet you". She kind of... didn't ignore the question, but it seemed like she was avoiding setting something up. So that kind of put me off. On top of this, there are things which have implied (only implied, no solid evidence) she has a boyfriend, but has kept him secret. It's ended up creating this vicious cycle of feeling depressed when I see her on Facebook.

The only other girl situation which could be "actively" pursued right now is with this girl who works at my bank. I've seen her in there on and off for about 2 years now, and it always seemed like she was attracted to me. She's always got kind of nervous when I talk to her, and looked at me wide-eyed. Only just recently did I consider that maybe it's something I should consider taking further... however, this could be quite difficult to do. It's not a situation where I can really ask her out, and the only other way to build on things (not just ask her out, get to know her) would be online. She'll definitely know my name, because she has to deal with putting money into my account all the time, but she might find it "creepy" (sigh) because the only way I would know her's is by having taken the time to look at her name tag or receipts where she's had to confirm a transaction for me. On top of this, the infamous vicious cycle has happened where once it sinks in that a girl really DOES like me, my SA kicks in and I become more blatantly nervous around them. Moreover, if I screw things up, it'll be awkward as **** going to the bank again, ha.

Besides that, to be honest, the other existing "opportunities" I have are confined to the internet. Some girls from my uni were showing interest, but having moved back home, I now won't see them in person for ages. I experimented with trying to keep these ignited online, but online alone it seemed to just damage them because it lacked the soul of them interacting with me in real life. There's also a girl from the US I met on YouTube of all places, some months ago she stopped using that account, and so that came to a halt... Going on nights out has had varied results. My friends aren't as interested in relationships as I am, or even pulling, so that kind of pushes the group away from female approaching situations at times. Then there are other factors like my high school reputation dismissing a lot of girls who hang out with the groups of dicks who remember me, and a lot of girls who are more interested in getting drunk... I'm not in it for cheap sex alone, I want a serious partner I connect with (if the opportunity for a one night stand arose, that would be a separate thing altogether from what I want to achieve in my eyes). Whether girls actually show interest in me varies, but as of *very* recently there've only been 2 times on nights out. One fell through because the girl had a boyfriend, another was a girl who passed by as me and my friends were on a balcony in this bar, looked right into my eyes and gave a smile... no way of knowing where she went, it was a fleeting moment. So on the whole, I've found nights out mostly attract the types who just want more "casual" stuff like that, so most of the time it doesn't present the right opportunities for me... but I do keep my eyes open too. As a result, most of the potential girls I meet are on my course, in shops, or on the internet. How desirable I am to the opposite sex doesn't help either, but that's a whole other debate...


----------



## Puppet Master

bwidger85 said:


> If you live even near chicago you should have no problem finding dates! It is the third largest city in america! Where you live probably has 8-10xs the amount of people where I live, easy. Either way, good luck with everything.


I don't doubt that your right unfortunately much like you I'm unemployed (long term blah have to be careful with jobs due to insurance too) still stuck living with family (not by choice to say the least), but well I'm also clueless even if a girl showed interest chances are I'd miss the signs due to being basically incapable of reading non-verbals signs haha well that and I'd have to figure out where to go since I don't dance and I haven't drank in years lol.

Don't get the wrong idea man I don't believe any of that forever alone crap or anything like that I have far too much pride to allow such weak thinking.


----------



## cinnamonqueen

Oh gawwd. The effort in this thread is palpable.

Anybody snag anything? (don't answer )


----------



## Nexus777

interne tt said:


> It's an experiment that's supposed to end in rejection. I was walking around a grocery store and I said to random girls, "Excuse me, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me."
> 
> It seems like one of the most socially retarded things you can say, but still some of the responses have been pleasant. Rejection isn't so bad.
> 
> At first I'm very nervous about doing it but afterwards it feels good to be able to do what many people without SA fear.


Have you got that idea from so called "pua" sites or books, cause I read something like that already, you should try to get 100 rejections or so. And so after this you will get so used to it, its no big deal anymore, and you should have the one or other successes, too while doing it. However I feel most women/girls are not very open to being approached in stores or at the street. Its still so, that the more traditionell methods are prefered, say at work or school, being introduced by friends or family members or at bars,clubs etc. For women and "alpha" guys online dating should also be accepted meanwhile.........I have given up completly with online dating.

However like bwidger already said, real life seems the only way at all. Of course its much harder if you dont have friends or family which could introduce you to girls...

I´d stopped with my "training" in talking to gilrs for a while, but started again. Talked to 2 of em today (all in the malls), but none was interested to go for icecream or even a later date... :afr I feel however that I have done something what is rarely done and I have never done before, asking for a date in the streets/malls.... maybe this alone is reward enough (?) What do you think? I also tried to talk to 2 quite young and hot girls in shorts with piercings, they said "hi" back to my "hello" but rushed on when I asked if they wanted to go swimming....well I might be 14-15 yrs older than them :teeth There was a very friendly chinese woman, who studied in my city (she even spoke good German, better then English hehe), but she also didnt want to have icecream with me. However she was a nice one, seems Asians are often very nice. The other one was a slim girl with shorter hair, I found out she also studied here. She had a tattoo, I touched her tattoo slightly - she was not like "dont touch me!" or so... but she also wasnt interested in a meeting  She said something like "I dont think it is a good idea if me meet, we might be not compatible" (lol?)

I also sometimes train smalltalk to random persons mostly older ones or ones with dogs because they are mostly nice and want to tell something about their dog (or baby) for example  But I now need to got to women in my range with the smalltalk training which will be much more difficult. I dont enjoy smalltalk very much, however it seems to be a neccesary thing to master in todays society.....

Q: Do you always smile at the women you approach and/do you compliment them (i think smiling is a must, but compliments maybe not)


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> Have you got that idea from so called "pua" sites or books, cause I read something like that already, you should try to get 100 rejections or so. And so after this you will get so used to it, its no big deal anymore, and you should have the one or other successes, too while doing it. However I feel most women/girls are not very open to being approached in stores or at the street. Its still so, that the more traditionell methods are prefered, say at work or school, being introduced by friends or family members or at bars,clubs etc. For women and "alpha" guys online dating should also be accepted meanwhile.........I have given up completly with online dating.
> 
> However like bwidger already said, real life seems the only way at all. Of course its much harder if you dont have friends or family which could introduce you to girls...
> 
> I´d stopped with my "training" in talking to gilrs for a while, but started again. Talked to 2 of em today (all in the malls), but none was interested to go for icecream or even a later date... :afr I feel however that I have done something what is rarely done and I have never done before, asking for a date in the streets/malls.... maybe this alone is reward enough (?) What do you think? I also tried to talk to 2 quite young and hot girls in shorts with piercings, they said "hi" back to my "hello" but rushed on when I asked if they wanted to go swimming....well I might be 14-15 yrs older than them :teeth There was a very friendly chinese woman, who studied in my city (she even spoke good German, better then English hehe), but she also didnt want to have icecream with me. However she was a nice one, seems Asians are often very nice. The other one was a slim girl with shorter hair, I found out she also studied here. She had a tattoo, I touched her tattoo slightly - she was not like "dont touch me!" or so... but she also wasnt interested in a meeting  She said something like "I dont think it is a good idea if me meet, we might be not compatible" (lol?)
> 
> I also sometimes train smalltalk to random persons mostly older ones or ones with dogs because they are mostly nice and want to tell something about their dog (or baby) for example  But I now need to got to women in my range with the smalltalk training which will be much more difficult. I dont enjoy smalltalk very much, however it seems to be a neccesary thing to master in todays society.....
> 
> Q: Do you always smile at the women you approach and/do you compliment them (i think smiling is a must, but compliments maybe not)


Well bwidger seems to have success just be natural

However I think cafes n college campuses would be a better bet


----------



## whatyoumustthink

cinnamonqueen said:


> Oh gawwd. The effort in this thread is palpable.
> 
> Anybody snag anything? (don't answer )


Very supportive...


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> Very supportive...


 Threads been through tougher times

It shall go on


----------



## bsd3355

cinnamonqueen said:


> Oh gawwd. The effort in this thread is palpable.
> 
> Anybody snag anything? (don't answer )


Yeah. Would you like to get coffee sometime?  jk

Nexus, here is a basic straightforward video that can give you an idea of what to do. For me, the most important thing is to focus on the vibe you put out. I always say be open, friendly and relaxed. Some girls won't want to talk, some will be neutral and some will. Don't expect her to carry the conversation because you are the one who initiated it. Even if the girl is nice to you, she will very rarely carry the conversation, so be ready to introduce yourself, know how to make small talk under the vibe I mentioned, and then later ask for her number or a date. I never said this was easy, and it does take lots and lots of practice but once you get it and feel comfortable with it, it's something you can do anywhere. Btw, you don't HAVE to meet girls in stores or mall, and online is fine, but personally, online has always sucked for me and I've noticed I get better results offline once I've learned how properly "approach", or talk to, women offline.

Jad T Jones I feel is good for people just starting out and I'd suggest you subscribe and watch his videos:


----------



## Nexus777

Ah thanks will watch it later, I guess it is easier than online dating (and not so time consuming, as you find out pretty fast if they are into you or not, while online you maybe need to write 20 messages and then never hear again from her, so its better to know it directly I guess). In the past it was pretty easy to meet girls from a ads in magazines for example - the main aspect here being that girls who answer (with a real letter or a call) are quite sure to be interested cause they put in the effort (or they put a add themselves!), while online these days they dont need any effort at all - just make a profile put up some hot pics and they will get mail in masses....(i made a profile myself with a blonde woman it took 20 mins or so alltogether and I got many responses - this was an experiment in this forum btw ).

Also I remember none of the girls I knew who also chatted online or were on dating sites would have had any probs to find guys to meet on these. Remember one told me, something like "I could have many guys if I wanted to just while chatting with them and put a pic up" She wasnt even the hottest one...(i mean lookswise but otherwise cool)

Another woman I knew wasnt very attractive at all (at least for the "major" taste) as she was quite overweight and had not the prettiest face. Still she also could have many guys, she was just a very outgoing and funny person....you mostly could have fun with her. So it is not only looks that count..

Btw: I kinda enjoyed talking with the one tall, thin tattoo girl btw. even she doesnt want to meet. So will try this definatly again..... maybe without army trousers this time looool and some deo and after shave (I was biking and a bit sweaty - but figured what the hell)


----------



## bsd3355

Nexus777 said:


> Ah thanks will watch it later, I guess it is easier than online dating (and not so time consuming, as you find out pretty fast if they are into you or not, while online you maybe need to write 20 messages and then never hear again from her, so its better to know it directly I guess). In the past it was pretty easy to meet girls from a ads in magazines for example - the main aspect here being that girls who answer (with a real letter or a call) are quite sure to be interested cause they put in the effort (or they put a add themselves!), while online these days they dont need any effort at all - just make a profile put up some hot pics and they will get mail in masses....(i made a profile myself with a blonde woman it took 20 mins or so alltogether and I got many responses - this was an experiment in this forum btw ).
> 
> Also I remember none of the girls I knew who also chatted online or were on dating sites would have had any probs to find guys to meet on these. Remember one told me, something like "I could have many guys if I wanted to just while chatting with them and put a pic up" She wasnt even the hottest one...(i mean lookswise but otherwise cool)
> 
> Another woman I knew wasnt very attractive at all (at least for the "major" taste) as she was quite overweight and had not the prettiest face. Still she also could have many guys, she was just a very outgoing and funny person....you mostly could have fun with her. So it is not only looks that count..
> 
> Btw: I kinda enjoyed talking with the one tall, thin tattoo girl btw. even she doesnt want to meet. So will try this definatly again..... maybe without army trousers this time looool and some deo and after shave (I was biking and a bit sweaty - but figured what the hell)


Good for you for talking with her!

Online does seem to be more competitive imo.

Those numbers I got off campus, remember how I said some of them would flake after the first date? I honestly think it's because they probably saw the coffee meetup under a friend pretext, so when I ask for a movie date or something they flake because they realize that I want something more and that's not what they wanted. So I'm going to be more direct and state my intent before going on any dates. I figure if the girl meets me on a date with that known then there is no wondering if this is under just as friend pretext, which will save both our time. I'll probably get rejected more off the bat, but at least I won't have to waste any more time and leave it ambiguous. So I'm just going to be more forward from now on so at least she knows I'm interested in dating and not platonic friendships.


----------



## Nexus777

bwidger85 said:


> Good for you for talking with her!
> 
> Online does seem to be more competitive imo.
> 
> Those numbers I got off campus, remember how I said some of them would flake after the first date? I honestly think it's because they probably saw the coffee meetup under a friend pretext, so when I ask for a movie date or something they flake because they realize that I want something more and that's not what they wanted. So I'm going to be more direct and state my intent before going on any dates. I figure if the girl meets me on a date with that known then there is no wondering if this is under just as friend pretext, which will save both our time. I'll probably get rejected more off the bat, but at least I won't have to waste any more time and leave it ambiguous. So I'm just going to be more forward from now on so at least she knows I'm interested in dating and not platonic friendships.


Well I was under the impression that most if not all girls assume you want RS/sex from her, not friendship if you approach them. At least I think in my tries the women seemed to be quite clear about that as they mostly say they are married or have a BF already.... as for friend it wouldnt matter if they have already one. I would not mind to have a female friend tho or two. I had buddies in the past it was ok, mostly we hugged like the girls do it too with their other female friends. So I would like that to have again........not only the hugging but some of them chix were pretty cool or some would say crazy (but it does not get boring that way)

BTW: I read in some article that it isnt neccesary a bad thing if the woman wonders what your intents are, so she has a reason to think about you (or so...)...also she can not be sure to have you "in the sack"
While others say, make it clear what you want and get sexual quite early (i am more leaning to this, cause it is more in my nature to be blunt and honest in what I want or think - I dont like plaiyng games etc. This might also be a reason for not so good success. But I understand that women like to play games with men, so I am prepared at least)


----------



## Nexus777

Seems I got a serious tiredness attack from these interactions btw. It drains definatly energy - I also called an old female buddy of mine and talked 10mins with her btw . - seems I can fall asleep any moment. Thats the downside being introverted, too much interactions (which also seemed to have not reached a goal) does drain energy 

Its really quite difficult thing to connect with the other gender (except ur the right type!)...but maybe if you practise it - it may work out at last....

I also was wondering if one should be more "agressive" like with the tattoo girl, well she doesnt say anything when I touched her tattoo, maybe I should have hugged her (I also must say I sat near her, she doesnt seemed to move away from me and she wasnt drunk!), and be more persistent if they dont want to meet or give a number out at first. Women like games, and they might just play they are not interested just to see what you do and how persistent (=alpha like??) you are.... thoughts over thoughts.....I guess I am not ugly otherwise I had not had some girls in the past and girls would reject me harder and not in the "nice" way they mostly do (but thats only speculation)....i gained some weight however thats of course a negative... mh.


----------



## bsd3355

^No, don't push it. If a girl doesn't want to give you her number or date you then respect that. Forget this "alpha" stuff.

Also, use a bit of common sense in that you shouldn't be hugging on a girl who is clearly uncomfortable with that. There really is no need to hug a girl you are trying to get a number or date with. Hugs don't make girls want to date you.

Pretty much, use common social courtesy and don't be weird and then have the confidence to ask for a date or number. That's it. There is no games involved in this. All you do is talk to a girl under a relaxed vibe, small talk and ask for number or date. That's it. You can get rejected 10 times in a row or you can talk to two girls and you can meet someone. There is no common ratio when it comes to asking girls out on any given day or circumstance.


----------



## Brandeezy

Im too ugly for.online dating. I paid for pof, okcupid and match hoping it would increase my chances of getting a date but nope I got nothing. I even perfected my profile to the point where the reviewers on pof said nothing was wrong with my profile, they just told me that it might be my height or the fact I dont have a car. I even bought a HD cam to improve my chances but that was a waste of time. I don't know where to go from here, Ive been rejected all my life so street aproaches are out


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## Nexus777

Well I always wanted to research if this alpha stuff is true or not - it has gotten late for me to do this ... maybe I should have another try. When I am in the right mood I will try the "alpha" tips given by PUA maybe... i always was wondering if PUA is real or not (when I first heard of it I was thinking it sounds like kinda a new disease lol)

I think being sexual works much better than being shy thats for sure. I know this for fact from the past, of course for non SA women *(as girls on here will mostly disagree* I guess - however non of the girls I knew back in the days had SA or even were very shy).


----------



## bsd3355

^If you think something will work for you then try it. But I'm just telling you what seems to work for me. It's everything your mother told you about: be nice and be confident (or at least, I think your mom told you that?). I've found the hard part to be getting over rejection and caring what people think about me. Once a lot of that is removed then it's not so bad.


----------



## komorikun

Brandeezy said:


> Im too ugly for.online dating. I paid for pof, okcupid and match hoping it would increase my chances of getting a date but nope I got nothing. I even perfected my profile to the point where the reviewers on pof said nothing was wrong with my profile, they just told me that it might be my height or the fact I dont have a car. I even bought a HD cam to improve my chances but that was a waste of time. I don't know where to go from here, Ive been rejected all my life so street aproaches are out


Judging from the profiles you've posted before you were sending messages to women who are out of your league. That's what the problem was. Not having a car is an issue too.


----------



## Nexus777

bwidger85 said:


> ^If you think something will work for you then try it. But I'm just telling you what seems to work for me. It's everything your mother told you about: be nice and be confident (or at least, I think your mom told you that?). I've found the hard part to be getting over rejection and caring what people think about me. Once a lot of that is removed then it's not so bad.


My mother didnt tell me anything, nor did my father.....:blank In my family wasnt talked about that, or much positive talk at all. My father is still hard to handle, seems always to have a grudge on me. Well I can now handle that but I bet it affected me as a youngster (there are reasons you get illnesses like SA not only genetical).

Well you know in my "old days" I maybe still want to learn, not only how to play the newest strategy games or repair my car......as you say correctly you need to learn not to care what others think (or the women for that matter). Not that easy, well seems you are good at it. Well done then, credit where credit is due. However you are thinner than me, so should be better off in the looks department, but PUA also "teaches" looks wouldnt matter much (I highly doubt that tho).


----------



## bsd3355

^If you don't like the way you look then improve yourself. Luckily, weight is something you can control, so do that if you think it will help you. As far as the looks thing goes, I think it matters, but call me an optimist because I honestly don't give a **** either and i'm happy I don't. I'm not gonna let that stop me from talking to girls I want to date. I'd rather keep it that simplistic than worry about **** I can't control. I also believe that it is very probable most people can find someone they are attracted to who is attracted to them.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> Judging from the profiles you've posted before you were sending messages to women who are out of your league. That's what the problem was. Not having a car is an issue too.


lol honest


----------



## Brandeezy

komorikun said:


> Judging from the profiles you've posted before you were sending messages to women who are out of your league. That's what the problem was. Not having a car is an issue too.


How the hell I'm I suppose to know what league I'm in, I have been sending messages to everyone, short, tall, fat, ugly etc. but I either wasn't responded to or they would quit messaging me after the 3rd message for whatever reason. The only thing I got to tell them is my name, how my day was and that's it. Also the car thing is stupid, one of the guys who reviewed my profile said that if I can get around fine without one on time (which i do for work) then it shouldn't matter but **** it though it's bull****. I should just pay someone to be my gf for a year, I have a lot of money saved up so I should just do that.


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> How the hell I'm I suppose to know what league I'm in, I have been sending messages to everyone, short, tall, fat, ugly etc. but I either wasn't responded to or they would quit messaging me after the 3rd message for whatever reason. The only thing I got to tell them is my name, how my day was and that's it. Also the car thing is stupid, one of the guys who reviewed my profile said that if I can get around fine without one on time (which i do for work) then it shouldn't matter but **** it though it's bull****. I should just pay someone to be my gf for a year, I have a lot of money saved up so I should just do that.


Man, don't give up on yourself yet. Judging yourself off online dating sites alone is not good. Online dating is pretty bad for most men. I'm telling you, try offline. And I don't mean just talk to 5 girls and then give up; I mean talk to A LOT of girls consistently and I think you'll be surprised. You also have to be willing to move it forward. I can help you if you want. Seriously. PM me anytime, or post what you are doing to meet girls in real life and we can work it out for you. You've tried online, fair enough, but don't assume offline is the exact same before you even try it. It's more fear-invoking but more promising as well, especially when you learn how to be relaxed about it.


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> Man, don't give up on yourself yet. Judging yourself off online dating sites alone is not good. Online dating is pretty bad for most men. I'm telling you, try offline. And I don't mean just talk to 5 girls and then give up; I mean talk to A LOT of girls consistently and I think you'll be surprised. You also have to be willing to move it forward. I can help you if you want. Seriously. PM me anytime, or post what you are doing to meet girls in real life and we can work it out for you. You've tried online, fair enough, but don't assume offline is the exact same before you even try it. It's more fear-invoking but more promising as well, especially when you learn how to be relaxed about it.


I've tried offline with my "friends" age 16-20. We would go to the mall and try to get numbers for hours. I didnt get a single one and was made fun of for it. Since then I see no point


----------



## ManOfFewWords

bwidger85 said:


>


That was a great video. The concept that stuck out to me the most was "energy". Lately, I've noticed how energy effects my state of mind, mood, my anxiety levels, and how others respond to me. I notice this in everyday interactions with people at work. There was this instance yesterday in which I was in the stock room with my supervisor (who I get anxious around), and we engaged in a brief conversation. I gave off a timid and awkward energy when I spoke to him, and he mirrored that and fumbled his words when he spoke back to me (something he never does around other coworkers). On an earlier day this week, I was in a playful mood. When I interacted with the same supervisor, he sensed my playful energy and opened up way more to me than he ever did before, and was playful back.

What I take away from this self-reflection is that, in order to get people to behave how you want them to, you have to give them that energy. Sometimes people only need a small dose of that energy to completely change the way they interact with you.

The reason people with SA have such a hard time overcoming their anxiety in most situations is because of this energy-mirror effect. When you exude anxious energy to people, they will, more often than not, send it right back to you. It creates a perpetual cycle.

Ever been around someone who is so confident and playful that it actually forces you to stop being anxious? They're usually the ones that everyone gravitates towards. Many times, I will unconsciously mimic their behavior and energy after interacting with them. Where do they get all that energy from? It can't be from a can of Monster.

I think the most important thing to be mindful of when you go out into the world is the *energy* you use when communicating with people.


----------



## Zeeshan

ManOfFewWords said:


> That was a great video. The concept that stuck out to me the most was "energy". Lately, I've noticed how energy effects my state of mind, mood, my anxiety levels, and how others respond to me. I notice this in everyday interactions with people at work. There was this instance yesterday in which I was in the stock room with my supervisor (who I get anxious around), and we engaged in a brief conversation. I gave off a timid and awkward energy when I spoke to him, and he mirrored that and fumbled his words when he spoke back to me (something he never does around other coworkers). On an earlier day this week, I was in a playful mood. When I interacted with the same supervisor, he sensed my playful energy and opened up way more to me than he ever did before, and was playful back.
> 
> What I take away from this self-reflection is that, in order to get people to behave how you want them to, you have to give them that energy. Sometimes people only need a small dose of that energy to completely change the way they interact with you.
> 
> The reason people with SA have such a hard time overcoming their anxiety in most situations is because of this energy-mirror effect. When you exude anxious energy to people, they will, more often than not, send it right back to you. It creates a perpetual cycle.
> 
> Ever been around someone who is so confident and playful that it actually forces you to stop being anxious? They're usually the ones that everyone gravitates towards. Many times, I will unconsciously mimic their behavior and energy after interacting with them. Where do they get all that energy from? It can't be from a can of Monster.
> 
> I think the most important thing to be mindful of when you go out into the world is the *energy* you use when communicating with people.


Thats rigth bro

Emotion is actually energy in motion


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> I've tried offline with my "friends" age 16-20. We would go to the mall and try to get numbers for hours. I didnt get a single one and was made fun of for it. Since then I see no point


Considering how girls give out their numbers sometimes even when they aren't interested, it was probably how you came across. But, that's cool man, and good for you for trying. I think you can meet a girl, but I don't blame ya for feeling defeated.


----------



## bsd3355

ManOfFewWords said:


> That was a great video. The concept that stuck out to me the most was "energy". Lately, I've noticed how energy effects my state of mind, mood, my anxiety levels, and how others respond to me. I notice this in everyday interactions with people at work. There was this instance yesterday in which I was in the stock room with my supervisor (who I get anxious around), and we engaged in a brief conversation. I gave off a timid and awkward energy when I spoke to him, and he mirrored that and fumbled his words when he spoke back to me (something he never does around other coworkers). On an earlier day this week, I was in a playful mood. When I interacted with the same supervisor, he sensed my playful energy and opened up way more to me than he ever did before, and was playful back.
> 
> What I take away from this self-reflection is that, in order to get people to behave how you want them to, you have to give them that energy. Sometimes people only need a small dose of that energy to completely change the way they interact with you.
> 
> The reason people with SA have such a hard time overcoming their anxiety in most situations is because of this energy-mirror effect. When you exude anxious energy to people, they will, more often than not, send it right back to you. It creates a perpetual cycle.
> 
> Ever been around someone who is so confident and playful that it actually forces you to stop being anxious? They're usually the ones that everyone gravitates towards. Many times, I will unconsciously mimic their behavior and energy after interacting with them. Where do they get all that energy from? It can't be from a can of Monster.
> 
> I think the most important thing to be mindful of when you go out into the world is the *energy* you use when communicating with people.


I used to wonder why some girls were so damn mean to me when I approached them at bars and I used to be pretty hard on myself for that, but a lot of it probably had to do with my energy and my approach. Now, if girls are mean to me, given that I know I am approaching cordially and friendly-like, it doesn't bother me that much at all because I know it's nothing I did. I know I am a good conversationalist, I know I offer value as a person to others, I've got to the point where I feel like what I say and give out is interesting, but as soon as I lose that sight of myself I become victim of others' reactions. If I approach someone under a friendly context there is no reason why someone should be mean to me, and if they are then it's not my problem, basically.

Had that girl come over tonight for the movie date. She's kinda nerdy but she's a nice girl. I'm not pushing for anything and it was nice to hang out. I kissed her before she left and gave her a hug. The movie, Django, was long as hell, and I was surprised she didn't get up and left after that, but she stuck around for like another 40 mins and finally left.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I used to wonder why some girls were so damn mean to me when I approached them at bars and I used to be pretty hard on myself for that, but a lot of it probably had to do with my energy and my approach. Now, if girls are mean to me, given that I know I am approaching cordially and friendly-like, it doesn't bother me that much at all because I know it's nothing I did. I know I am a good conversationalist, I know I offer value as a person to others, I've got to the point where I feel like what I say and give out is interesting, but as soon as I lose that sight of myself I become victim of others' reactions. If I approach someone under a friendly context there is no reason why someone should be mean to me, and if they are then it's not my problem, basically.
> 
> Had that girl come over tonight for the movie date. She's kinda nerdy but she's a nice girl. I'm not pushing for anything and it was nice to hang out. I kissed her before she left and gave her a hug. The movie, Django, was long as hell, and I was surprised she didn't get up and left after that, but she stuck around for like another 40 mins and finally left.


Bro you've become a player

what impresses me most is how you are able to get these women to come over :-0

Like what are you texting them, and how often. I dont know something isnt going right for me. Wierd thing happend with this girl today

So ive been texting her for a while, and she was real hot. Just last week she was texting me how she was gonna cook me dinner and what not. Now gone completely cold. Been trying to get her out, so i just texted her hey? lunch?

She replied at work. Which is fine. However then, what i think is a pretty common accident, my stupid phone pocket dialed her. So she sent me this real rude message how she cant pick up the phone at work.

Whatever i just replied Lol Pocket Dial. She didnt reply. Anyways i already tried to set up something 2/3 times, clearly isnt happening so i am just going to let it be. Instead of feeling ****ty i went to the store and got a nice pair of new khakis.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Bro you've become a player
> 
> what impresses me most is how you are able to get these women to come over :-0
> 
> Like what are you texting them, and how often. I dont know something isnt going right for me. Wierd thing happend with this girl today
> 
> So ive been texting her for a while, and she was real hot. Just last week she was texting me how she was gonna cook me dinner and what not. Now gone completely cold. Been trying to get her out, so i just texted her hey? lunch?
> 
> She replied at work. Which is fine. However then, what i think is a pretty common accident, my stupid phone pocket dialed her. So she sent me this real rude message how she cant pick up the phone at work.
> 
> Whatever i just replied Lol Pocket Dial. She didnt reply. Anyways i already tried to set up something 2/3 times, clearly isnt happening so i am just going to let it be. Instead of feeling ****ty i went to the store and got a nice pair of new khakis.


I don't text a girl much I just met because it comes off a bit needy. I'll text more shortly after I get her number to show her I'm cool and friendly and so next time I text her it isn't random like, "Hey, this is ______from the other day". Instead, I'll thank her for the conversation, directions, or make a quick comment about the situation when I got her number. So for instance, here is the text I sent after getting the girl's number who came over today:

Me: "Here's my number. And thank you for directions! I'll text you later if you want -(my name)" 1:25pm

(I told her I was meeting someone before I got her number....)

Her: "No problem. Sounds good." 1:52pm
Me: "OK" 2:08pm
Me: "How'd your classes go today?" 5:46pm
Her: "I don't start summer classes till the tenth of june. Just research today and it was same old same old. How was your day?" 5:51pm
Me: Oh I see. My day was good. Just home now. Would you like to grab some coffee this week?" 5:51pm

(I told her before I got her number that we should grab coffee sometime, which she agreed, so hence the sudden coffee asking...)

Her: "I'd like that. What days and times are good for you?" 5:53pm
Me: "My schedule is pretty open atm. Tomorrow @ 6pm?" 5:55pm
Her: "I work all friday but I'm free before 4:00 on sat and anytime sunday" 5:58pm
Me: "OK. Let's do sunday @6pm if you'd like" 6:02pm
Her: "That sounds like a plan. See you sunday" 6:04pm

This next girl is a flaky number. I assume she'll flake eventually, but not sure (german exchange student)...

Me: "Here's my number, and thanks again for directions -(my name)" 1:02pm
Her: "Great thanks. No problem  !" 1:04pm

(I text soon after I get her number so when I text later she knows who it is and we can start where we left off...)

Me: "How wa your class today?" 5:13pm
Her: "Het it was a meeting and went well. How about yours? Did it take long?" 5:32pm
Me: "Well, that's good! No, my meeting went pretty fast and well. Doing anything fun today? 5:40pm
Her: "Sorry about the delay, I don't have any plans yet. Need to finish something for school and might meet friends later. You?" 7:07pm
Me: "That's cool. Not doing much myself just hanging out. Are you a fan of coffee?" 7:24pm
Her: "Yes I am, we should get coffee sometime!" 7:31pm
Me: "Yeah, I'd really like that! Are you free Thursday?" 7:40pm
Her: "I need to double check again with one of my prof. I might need to meet her either tomorrow or Thursday. But I can let you know by tomorrow?" 7:48pm
Me: "yeah, sounds good " 7:48pm
Her: "OK " 7:49PM

(She doesn't end up texting me and letting me know so I text her later the next night...)

Me: "Starting friday i am free if you want to grab coffee?" 8:55pm
Her: "Hey sorry for not getting back yet, I have been busy in school all day. I am actually leaving to Pittsburgh on Friday-Sunday. Let me know if next week works" 9:26pm
Me: "NP ok"

(Usually girls who postpone are the ones who flake later, but not always. I will text her this week and see if she is still responsive. Of course, you'll get girls who won't even respond to a text too...I get those sometimes as well...but I delete them from my phone quick if they aren't responsive so I don't have the messages to share....they are short anyway lol)

Here is a girl I met at the bars who I haven't had coffee with yet because I later canceled because I was sick. We had a very long and fun conversation and she stuck around even though her friends kept coming back over to her.....

As always, I text her very soon after I meet her so she knows who I am next time I text her...I also try to keep it short, upbeat and friendly...

Me: "Here's my number -(my name)....stay in touch!" 1:43am
Her: "Nice to meet you!" 1:51am
Me: "You too! " 2:02am

(Next day...)

Me: "Able to stay dry last night?  it was good to meet you btw -(my name again for some odd reason)" 3:51pm
Her: "Haha no but it was fun to run home in the rain " 6:16pm
Me: "I think everyone was running home in the rain last night! Including me! " 7:14pm
Her: "Haha yep I'm glad about the rain it was getting so hot" 8:03pm
Me: "Yes it was! " 8:52pm

(I stopped texting her at this point because I was on my way to meet that one girl at her house, and I didn't want to ask her for coffee just yet...the following is the next day...)

Me(next day): "Are you free tomorrow? Was thinking of getting some coffee if you'd want to meet up?" 2:34pm
Her: "Hey sorry I've had a busy day. I'm at home in pa now pet sitting but I'll be back friday though if you want to do something this weekend" 9:32pm
Me: "OK. That sounds good" 9:41pm

The reason I ask for coffee on the first date is because girls do not like to meet up at your house on first date. They want to know you are cool and a normal dude and feel comfortable with you before they do something like that, so coffee dates are perfect for first dates. After a coffee date then you are in a much better position to invite them over for a movie or dinner or something another time.

As you may of noticed, I briefly chat them up after I get their number, but not too much because you kill the vibe and excitement if you drag out a conversation over text. Instead, get their number, text them briefly to let them know who you are and that you are cool and build come rapport; before dragging the conversation on too long and her like "damn, why is this guy texting me so much?", while the vibe is still high and exciting ask for a coffee date. If you just want to text her to text her and not invite her out yet then text her under the same context as I mentioned but don't invite her out yet; best is to say something near the end of the text conversation, "Well, I'm about to head to class! ttyl"......or you can say, "Well, I need to get to class now. Are you a fan of coffee? If you'd like, we should grab some sometime ".... Don't waste long conversations texting a girl you just met because it gets boring; people only want to say so much before they are like "OK, this is weird and getting boring now". Get to the point and ask them relatively fast for coffee before you hit that drawn out point.

Also, the reason I get lots of numbers is because sometimes you never know which ones are gonna flake or disappear. When you work only one number then you get too attached to that number and you exaggerate in your mind that ALLLLLLL girls will flake on you if that one flaked. Rather, if you have 4 numbers, say, then maybe 2 will flake and disappear and they other two will go on coffee with you, so now you see that it truly is a number's game.


----------



## bsd3355

Here is an example of a hypothetical bad text message:

Me: "Hey, wat up?"
Her: "Nothing much. You?"
Me: "Just chilling. How way your day?"
Her: "Good. I went shopping and then came home. You?"
Me: "Cool. I went shopping two days ago. What did you go shopping for?"
Her: "That's cool. I got a couple shirts and some socks."
Me: "Cool. Doing anything fun today?"
Her: (six hours later) "No, just getting ready for sleep."
Me:"Cool. Well, have a good night!"

(next day...)

Me: "Hey, random, but I haven't been to Startbucks in a while. Coffee?"
Her: (flake)

(Six hours later...)

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Her: (flake)

(two days later...)

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Her: (flake)


LOL


----------



## FlyPrezidente

Zeeshan said:


> The trek continues. Ive decided to get a BMW.
> 
> Im gonna go ahead and see if i can fit it into my budget. Its a shallow world, might as well take advantage of what you can do for yourself


ZeeShan you are so raw but in a very effective way. Great post.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Well, after today, I can safely say both those possible opportunities I mentioned have fallen through.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> Well, after today, I can safely say both those possible opportunities I mentioned have fallen through.


Thats okay same here lol.

Been striking out a lot lately. Sigh,


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Thats okay same here lol.
> 
> Been striking out a lot lately. Sigh,


Not to worry man, I've been striking out my whole life, lmao.

On another note, not getting a girl-related, but still opposite sex reactions-related, these 2 schoolgirls walked past me today. Probably because of bad high school memories, I tend to get more intimidated by schoolkids, so as they went past I glanced for a second to check they weren't laughing at me or something. One of them went "OOOOOOOOO!", and the other looked embarrassed and adjusted her skirt. What the **** is that supposed to mean?? That sort of stuff makes me weary of how I look.


----------



## Nono441

bwidger85 said:


> Here is an example of a hypothetical bad text message:
> 
> Me: "Hey, wat up?"
> Her: "Nothing much. You?"
> Me: "Just chilling. How way your day?"
> Her: "Good. I went shopping and then came home. You?"
> Me: "Cool. I went shopping two days ago. What did you go shopping for?"
> Her: "That's cool. I got a couple shirts and some socks."
> Me: "Cool. Doing anything fun today?"
> Her: (six hours later) "No, just getting ready for sleep."
> Me:"Cool. Well, have a good night!"
> 
> (next day...)
> 
> Me: "Hey, random, but I haven't been to Startbucks in a while. Coffee?"
> Her: (flake)
> 
> (Six hours later...)
> 
> Me: "Hey, what's up?"
> Her: (flake)
> 
> (two days later...)
> 
> Me: "Hey, what's up?"
> Her: (flake)
> 
> LOL


Nice. Here's the average text conversation for me:

Me: hey wanna do [insert activity]
Her: yeah sure how about [insert time]
Me: ok see you there

... wait until 1-2 days before...

Her: hey [insert lame excuse to not go]
Me: ok
Her: do you want to reschedule?
Me: no

The End.

So tiring and what a waste of time when women pull this crap. I've just stopped initiating anything now because this invariably happens, so now I just wait for people to engage me in some event or something so I know that it's actually going to happen (because, see, I don't bail out on people)


----------



## IcedOver

I've been talking (aka e-mailing) a woman for the past few days regarding a potential meetup. It wouldn't be dating and it wouldn't necessarily be for sex, but it would be a sensual thing (can't get too much more specific on the board). I've been trying harder at this than in years past, and recently dealt with some flakes and fakes, but this girl seems genuine. Of course she could totally flake out. I'm just really worried about blowing it by saying the wrong thing, because this is something I've been waiting for for so long. To be 37 and never to have had any kind of sensual encounter with a woman is pretty ridiculous. I know it sounds lame, but waiting for return e-mails is gut-wrenching when you think you might have blown your chances by saying the wrong thing or whatever.


----------



## bsd3355

Nono441 said:


> Nice. Here's the average text conversation for me:
> 
> Me: hey wanna do [insert activity]
> Her: yeah sure how about [insert time]
> Me: ok see you there
> 
> ... wait until 1-2 days before...
> 
> Her: hey [insert lame excuse to not go]
> Me: ok
> Her: do you want to reschedule?
> Me: no
> 
> The End.
> 
> So tiring and what a waste of time when women pull this crap. I've just stopped initiating anything now because this invariably happens, so now I just wait for people to engage me in some event or something so I know that it's actually going to happen (because, see, I don't bail out on people)


Girls will do this to me when they aren't interested from the get-go and just gave me their number for w/e reason, or, less common, I asked at a weird time during the interaction or didn't build any connection. Most of the time the girl simply isn't interested enough and the only way to overcome that is to meet more girl unfortunately. But I understand your frustration. I get a lot of girls who aren't interested rather than interested overall. I'd probably give up too if I didn't play a certain amount of numbers.


----------



## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> I've been talking (aka e-mailing) a woman for the past few days regarding a potential meetup. It wouldn't be dating and it wouldn't necessarily be for sex, but it would be a sensual thing (can't get too much more specific on the board). I've been trying harder at this than in years past, and recently dealt with some flakes and fakes, but this girl seems genuine. Of course she could totally flake out. I'm just really worried about blowing it by saying the wrong thing, because this is something I've been waiting for for so long. To be 37 and never to have had any kind of sensual encounter with a woman is pretty ridiculous. I know it sounds lame, but waiting for return e-mails is gut-wrenching when you think you might have blown your chances by saying the wrong thing or whatever.


Good for you for trying! It is frustrating sometimes and I sympathize with your age and what you are going through and what you want.


----------



## IcedOver

^^Thanks. She said the other day that she is interested in meeting up, but that she'd like to chat for a bit longer before agreeing to a plan, which is fine by me. Then she asked me what my ideas were regarding the meeting and I replied. That was two days ago, and she hasn't gotten back to me. Of course any number of reasons could exist for the delay, but my anxiety is telling me that I turned her off or that this is again a fake and I'm being played for someone's jollies (I kind of doubt the latter because you can usually tell when someone's genuine by the way they talk). 

This is like a golden opportunity, as all that this woman was saying was just checking the boxes of something I've wanted for years. If it doesn't pan out in any way, for whatever reason, it'll just suck. I mean, I don't know what I'm doing wrong (in general, not just this situation). Even when I try to meet or talk to someone, which is ultra-rare, it never works out. Other people can be free and easy and do the right things, meet people and have these dreams realized, but I'm just stuck in a rut. I know it's not that bad a thing, and it is all my fault, but to be my age and never even to have looked at a woman without her clothes on, let alone have sex or any other kind of sensual encounter, is just plain silly. I feel like I'm 10. I don't know if I'm feeling my age and panicking or if it's just been a really bad/weird year (probably both). Imagination and fantasy are stronger than real life things most of the time anyway, but at some point you do want to have a little real life action and experience. Am I making sense?

Edit: I got a reply from her and it looks like she's pretty on board with the meeting, and talked about the practicalities of getting together, chatting in person beforehand, and stuff.


----------



## MusingForX

Well, i'm still trying my luck on online dating...its somewhat the lazy man of doing things.

A woman messaged me. Classy, elegant, cultivated. I replied. Got nothing. Facebook stalked her. Noticed mutual friend. Questioned mutual friend. Got positive reference. Admitted to Facebook stalking. Conversation resumed.

With my previous prospects online, i was pushing fast for a date, but then i had no clue what they were about. So easy to flake. Life gets in the way. Annoying.

Having a mutual friend to give positive reference is different. Ill see how that goes.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So hung out with this girl three times. Tonight was the second movie night. It's weird, I don't have any desire to get sexual with her at all. I think it has to do something with "chemistry" or something.
> 
> Found out one of the girls I talked to has schizoaffective disorder. I feel really bad for her. This goes beyond something you can control emotionally.


Similar situation here. Went on my first date in a while yesterday, Good girl, can be considered attractive, though i wouldnt go for her if we met in college. Attractive body

Anyhow, usually when the first date doesnt go well, i lose contact. However we were still texting a lot today so GF potentiol, though maybe/maybe not. Similar situaiton to earlier on the year (Well that one had a prettier face) that i went out with, and she just wanted to be "friends" after 3 dates.

We'll see, Maybe not similar because i can def see my self in sexual situations with her, but maybe not in other situations.


----------



## IcedOver

Update on my situation described above if anyone cares. I might as well reveal that this is a fetish meeting that I've got cooking (no, it's not a foot fetish). We've exchanged a couple more e-mails and discussed talking on the phone and meeting in person beforehand. She also sent some photos which didn't show her face but were obviously legit and of a female. In the way she's talking, she seems rather enthusiastic for the meeting, but of course is being cautious, which is totally understandable given that this would be quite intimate and something she has never done before. I feel reasonably certain that she is legit, so I gave her my cell and told her to call yesterday. She didn't do that, but of course many reasons could exist for that. Not surprisingly, my anxiety is telling me that I blew it.

An important thing is that I've not used the words "reserved" or "shy" in our communication. I've just been playing it cool. She talked about her looks, saying that she's pretty tall (5'11", so about an inch to an inch and a half taller than me) and doesn't consider herself gorgeous, but that she does get a lot of male attention. I took the first part of that comment as being self-deprecating (when in fact she was probably trying to tell me that she is attractive) and told her that I'm "no Clooney and hopefully that's okay." In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have done that, although it doesn't appear to have turned her off.

Seriously, though, this feels like a dream. It seems like things are clicking into place for this to happen, but of course it could fall through at any moment. Being 37 and never having had any sensual, sexual or intimate interaction with a woman, and to have it possibly happen is throwing me for a loop. That's why my anxiety and nervousness has been pretty intense lately.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Got a number at school just now which is kinda shocking considering I never meet girls at school... Three girls approached me today and I asked for one of their numbers and got it... I'll probably text her today or tmmrw to see if it will lead to anything


----------



## Fenren

I've been told I need serious therapy and life coaching or I'll never get sex or a relationship now. So I'm doing that and also working on being more positive, showing negativity is a huge buzz kill to women. I also need to get work again somehow, even minimum wage is better than nothing, although a lot of women would be embarrassed to be with a guy in low paid crappy job around here. No woman around my age likes a broke loser living with mummy still though.

Also, if I go down the online dating route again I'll need some better pictures and appear more high status [eg very confident and sure of myself, fun to be with]. No women likes guys that come across anxious in anyway, that's a feminine trait so acceptable for SA women, but not straight SA guys. So I'll work on that also, more exposure and fake it until I make it kind of thing.

Wish me luck! :um


----------



## Zeeshan

Fenren said:


> I've been told I need serious therapy and life coaching or I'll never get sex or a relationship now. So I'm doing that and also working on being more positive, showing negativity is a huge buzz kill to women. I also need to get work again somehow, even minimum wage is better than nothing, although a lot of women would be embarrassed to be with a guy in low paid crappy job around here. No woman around my age likes a broke loser living with mummy still though.
> 
> Also, if I go down the online dating route again I'll need some better pictures and appear more high status [eg very confident and sure of myself, fun to be with]. No women likes guys that come across anxious in anyway, that's a feminine trait so acceptable for SA women, but not straight SA guys. So I'll work on that also, more exposure and fake it until I make it kind of thing.
> 
> Wish me luck! :um


Wow for a guy who's never had a woman you sure do know what no women likes


----------



## Arthur Pendragon

Well, I've been studying genetics, and cloning, and bioengineering...things like that. I think I'm on the right track...


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Similar situation here. Went on my first date in a while yesterday, Good girl, can be considered attractive, though i wouldnt go for her if we met in college. Attractive body
> 
> Anyhow, usually when the first date doesnt go well, i lose contact. However we were still texting a lot today so GF potentiol, though maybe/maybe not. Similar situaiton to earlier on the year (Well that one had a prettier face) that i went out with, and she just wanted to be "friends" after 3 dates.
> 
> We'll see, Maybe not similar because i can def see my self in sexual situations with her, but maybe not in other situations.


When this happens it makes me realize how important chemistry and personality is. I'm kind of glad I am focusing more on personality and chemistry. I think it's an indicator telling me I'm focusing on the important powerful stuff, or at least that's kind of how I am beginning to see it. I couldn't date a cute/hot girl for very long if we didn't mesh.

I started a new job today and there is a girl who works register who has a type of personality I like. She's younger, but it was just something I noticed is all. Not saying I'm going to ask her out or anything.

As far as your situation, if you've noticed, that's just how dating goes. Keep the positive mindset that you'll meet someone you like and start expanding the ways you meet girls and all the sudden you'll realize how simple and abundant it all is.

Today I was thinking that to myself. I basically got a job at wendys and of course most of the people who work there are younger than me, and in my mind I feel like I've changed so much since I was their age, and you think it'd be a bad thing, but it makes me feel great! My perspective is so much better!



illmatic1 said:


> Got a number at school just now which is kinda shocking considering I never meet girls at school... Three girls approached me today and I asked for one of their numbers and got it... I'll probably text her today or tmmrw to see if it will lead to anything


Dude, I remember when you just started approaching. All I can say is way to go! It's weird how it becomes normal after a while, huh?  But awesome all at the same time!


----------



## Corvus Cowl

What am I doing I asked myself? Nothing at the moment. Gonna build up my social life and get financially stable while getting into some projects I have been wanting to do for a bit, plus I just moved so it helps to get to know some folks and setting up before going on the prowl.


----------



## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> Update on my situation described above if anyone cares. I might as well reveal that this is a fetish meeting that I've got cooking (no, it's not a foot fetish). We've exchanged a couple more e-mails and discussed talking on the phone and meeting in person beforehand. She also sent some photos which didn't show her face but were obviously legit and of a female. In the way she's talking, she seems rather enthusiastic for the meeting, but of course is being cautious, which is totally understandable given that this would be quite intimate and something she has never done before. I feel reasonably certain that she is legit, so I gave her my cell and told her to call yesterday. She didn't do that, but of course many reasons could exist for that. Not surprisingly, my anxiety is telling me that I blew it.
> 
> An important thing is that I've not used the words "reserved" or "shy" in our communication. I've just been playing it cool. She talked about her looks, saying that she's pretty tall (5'11", so about an inch to an inch and a half taller than me) and doesn't consider herself gorgeous, but that she does get a lot of male attention. I took the first part of that comment as being self-deprecating (when in fact she was probably trying to tell me that she is attractive) and told her that I'm "no Clooney and hopefully that's okay." In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have done that, although it doesn't appear to have turned her off.
> 
> Seriously, though, this feels like a dream. It seems like things are clicking into place for this to happen, but of course it could fall through at any moment. Being 37 and never having had any sensual, sexual or intimate interaction with a woman, and to have it possibly happen is throwing me for a loop. That's why my anxiety and nervousness has been pretty intense lately.


Nothing you said was bad. Don't over think it. Being 37 isn't that old. Just keep following whatever you're interested in.



Fenren said:


> I've been told I need serious therapy and life coaching or I'll never get sex or a relationship now. So I'm doing that and also working on being more positive, showing negativity is a huge buzz kill to women. I also need to get work again somehow, even minimum wage is better than nothing, although a lot of women would be embarrassed to be with a guy in low paid crappy job around here. No woman around my age likes a broke loser living with mummy still though.
> 
> Also, if I go down the online dating route again I'll need some better pictures and appear more high status [eg very confident and sure of myself, fun to be with]. No women likes guys that come across anxious in anyway, that's a feminine trait so acceptable for SA women, but not straight SA guys. So I'll work on that also, more exposure and fake it until I make it kind of thing.
> 
> Wish me luck! :um


Working a low paying job won't stop you from dating girls. I should know. I also live with my dad. I don't expect this to be a career-move on my part at all and I am working on an engineering degree. I'm also a cool (in my head), so it works in my favor  Girls dates me.


----------



## Fenren

bwidger85 said:


> Nothing you said was bad. Don't over think it. Being 37 isn't that old. Just keep following whatever you're interested in.
> 
> Working a low paying job won't stop you from dating girls. I should know. I also live with my dad. I don't expect this to be a career-move on my part at all and I am working on an engineering degree. I'm also a cool (in my head), so it works in my favor  Girls dates me.


Living with your dad and having a low paying job would still be acceptable to a few women, being as you're still in your 20′s and doing a degree also. Many more women are judgemental and shallow though compared to guys on this score and most would be put off, if you were in your 30′s or beyond in the same position.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I suppose I'm not trying to do anything. I would like to get a particular hobby started which will see me more occupied and fulfilled, although I would still have to acknowledge (no matter how reluctant I am to step into another romance situation) that I would be very pleased if by some fortuitous occurrence that a female actually liked me for me, despite the fact that I see those chances as being thinner than a wafer, and not likely subject to change at any point in the near future.


----------



## Canucklehead

Not giving a ****, and it's working better than any half baked approaches or mating calls.


----------



## nameless56

not really doing anything maybe next year i can start focusing on women but all this math and science is blowing my mind out but I just bought some weights so by the time I finish fall semester I'll be better looking lol but now I'm not really doing anything and I don't know too many girls.


----------



## SilentLyric

working on getting a job for self esteem, and having money to spend.


----------



## jasiony

I don't know, most of the time when girls chat me up I feel like they're just being polite, asking me if i'm home on summer vacation and talking about how they cant wait to get off of work, I try to make a convo out of it but I just cant think quick enough to make it last. So i guess I should work on that


----------



## matty

bwidger85 said:


> Remember I mentioned the girl with schizoaffective disorder? Before she told me about her disorder she seemed kind of sketchy with dates and eventually she told me, which makes sense why she was. I texted her today with the assumption she just wanted to be friends and I basically told her that I was interested in dating and that's why I asked for her number and had coffee with her. I told her this because I didn't want to spend time hanging out all the time if it was under a friend context. I usually wouldn't do this and make a move and find out that way but I just wanted to throw it out there so if she said she wasn't interested in that I could then move on as I'm busy and not really interested in hanging out as friends at this stage in my life, especially since I am dating in general--I expected her to say the friend thing. To my surprise she texted me back and she she was interested in dating me and invited me over to her house for a fire and marshmallows. I didn't expect that.
> 
> We hung out and she's really cool and down to earth. She's definitely interested in me and, while I haven't ever dated someone with schizoaffective disorder before, I really liked her company. She said she hasn't had an episode in two weeks and is currently going through medications. She said it's something that "ran away with her life" and it obviously affects her life in so many ways. After hanging out with her, I really like her and I am physically attracted to her. My ex acted in the same way in that she tended to qualify herself and support certain things about my views and expressed self-consciousness when she said something I may not like, etc., so I find that interesting this girl is kind of doing the same thing. We ended up kissing.
> 
> I told her about me on a "social anxiety forum" so I won't be surprised if she looks it up. It sounds like an egotistical thing to say but my ex did that and found a while bunch of raps I did online from the past. Some girls will google your name and stuff, so it'll be kind of awkward if she does but oh well. I kind of wish I didn't tell her about this site because some stuff I want to keep private from the people i know in real life.
> 
> Things have dramatically changed for me this year with regards to dating. I find it fairly simple and straightforward now, which is something I've worked very hard on accomplishing. I am extremely proud of myself.


I am happy for you. I remember reading your posts and blogs a long time ago. Sounds like you have really made a lot of progress. I on the otherhand have completely recessed in dating in the last 12 months. Maybe / definitely I should have stuck with it.

Anyway congrats.


----------



## bsd3355

matty said:


> I am happy for you. I remember reading your posts and blogs a long time ago. Sounds like you have really made a lot of progress. I on the otherhand have completely recessed in dating in the last 12 months. Maybe / definitely I should have stuck with it.
> 
> Anyway congrats.


Thanks, man! :boogie I really have worked my *** off to feel the way I do today!

Once you overcome the fear of rejection to a certain degree and you are consistent with asking for dates, numbers, etc., then it really is that simple. I really urge guys to meet girls offline if online isn't working for them. I think they will notice a big difference.


----------



## matty

bwidger85 said:


> Thanks, man! :boogie I really have worked my *** off to feel the way I do today!
> 
> Once you overcome the fear of rejection to a certain degree and you are consistent with asking for dates, numbers, etc., then it really is that simple. I really urge guys to meet girls offline if online isn't working for them. I think they will notice a big difference.


I never got past the consistency thing. I think for a small window I got over the fear of rejection. But that has come back. But of more recent times I am feeling a lot better about myself, so maybe this is something I need to look into again. Maybe a little side project. Maybe what I am missing right now


----------



## bsd3355

matty said:


> I never got past the consistency thing. I think for a small window I got over the fear of rejection. But that has come back. But of more recent times I am feeling a lot better about myself, so maybe this is something I need to look into again. Maybe a little side project. Maybe what I am missing right now


Maybe. A lot of guys say that approaching girls, as it is a very stressful experience at first for a lot, is like working a muscle, in that if you stop working that muscle it becomes weak again; I actually agree with this. Being consistent strengthens that muscle and also keeps you positive if you believe in the process and how it will eventually get you the results you want. The problem starting out, especially if you haven't had much dating success the way you wanted in the past, is that every rejection is a HUGE blow to your ego and self-esteem. After enough experiences, including lots and lots of rejections, not only do you become desensitized enough to it, but you begin to take more action because rejections don't hurt anymore and it is like "it's only a matter of time", as it truly is. It is hard to make that distinction online because rejection rate is far, far higher, in my opinion, because the level of competition. You may actually be "enough" for that girl online you sent that message to but you are dealing with a very competitive market, so to speak. Offline, most guys are intimidated and either approach being lame, annoying, weird, or they don't approach at all so competition is far, far less, and many women seem to be more open to getting to know you, especially if you are a confident, normal and cool guy. This is speculative on my part, but I personally think it is fairly accurate. Granted, rejections still happen a lot offline, but are more reasonable offline due to what I talked about.


----------



## matty

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe. A lot of guys say that approaching girls, as it is a very stressful experience at first for a lot, is like working a muscle, in that if you stop working that muscle it becomes weak again; I actually agree with this. Being consistent strengthens that muscle and also keeps you positive if you believe in the process and how it will eventually get you the results you want. The problem starting out, especially if you haven't had much dating success the way you wanted in the past, is that every rejection is a HUGE blow to your ego and self-esteem. After enough experiences, including lots and lots of rejections, not only do you become desensitized enough to it, but you begin to take more action because rejections don't hurt anymore and it is like "it's only a matter of time", as it truly is. It is hard to make that distinction online because rejection rate is far, far higher, in my opinion, because the level of competition. You may actually be "enough" for that girl online you sent that message to but you are dealing with a very competitive market, so to speak. Offline, most guys are intimidated and either approach being lame, annoying, weird, or they don't approach at all so competition is far, far less, and many women seem to be more open to getting to know you, especially if you are a confident, normal and cool guy. This is speculative on my part, but I personally think it is fairly accurate. Granted, rejections still happen a lot offline, but are more reasonable offline due to what I talked about.


I agree 100%. I have done a lot more dating offline than on. Only met 3 or 4 girls online.

I definitely need to focus on my day to day life, and the interactions I partake in. I find I am very flat right now, so I need to improve that, so in general I come across with some energy.


----------



## bsd3355

matty said:


> I agree 100%. I have done a lot more dating offline than on. Only met 3 or 4 girls online.
> 
> I definitely need to focus on my day to day life, and the interactions I partake in. I find I am very flat right now, so I need to improve that, so in general I come across with some energy.


Something else I've kind of came to understand is while you think you aren't good enough because your energy or how you feel, if a girl is open to date you then she will date you regardless of how you feel about yourself, just as long as you aren't weird in the sense of doing very abnormal things, which isn't something most guys needs to worry about.

In other words, you may think you aren't good enough, but all you need to do is meet a girl who is open to dating you and it doesn't really matter how you feel, she will still date you. On the flip side, if you are very confident, happy, have lots of self-love and feel like you give lots of value to people, etc., and you approach/talk to a girl who doesn't want to date you then the way you feel STILL doesn't matter. With this said, how you feel really doesn't matter as much as you think it does.

Here is a good video that describes this. Forget about the stigma attached to these guys as guys who "pick up girls". This is not why I am showing you this video. The reason I am showing you this video is because it is an accurate description of what I just described. No one is saying you have to do what they do, but honestly, it is a VERY good way to meet girls! No one is saying become a man-*****; I feel like I need to say that for people who watch such things with a stigmatized perception of it. Anyway, here is the video:


----------



## matty

bwidger85 said:


> Something else I've kind of came to understand is while you think you aren't good enough because your energy or how you feel, if a girl is open to date you then she will date you regardless of how you feel about yourself, just as long as you aren't weird in the sense of doing very abnormal things, which isn't something most guys needs to worry about.
> 
> In other words, you may think you aren't good enough, but all you need to do is meet a girl who is open to dating you and it doesn't really matter how you feel, she will still date you. On the flip side, if you are very confident, happy, have lots of self-love and feel like you give lots of value to people, etc., and you approach/talk to a girl who doesn't want to date you then the way you feel STILL doesn't matter. With this said, how you feel really doesn't matter as much as you think it does.
> 
> Here is a good video that describes this. Forget about the stigma attached to these guys as guys who "pick up girls". This is not why I am showing you this video. The reason I am showing you this video is because it is an accurate description of what I just described. No one is saying you have to do what they do, but honestly, it is a VERY good way to meet girls! No one is saying become a man-*****; I feel like I need to say that for people who watch such things with a stigmatized perception of it. Anyway, here is the video:


Thats awesome. never really thought about that. Will have to tinker with the idea of it. Will watch the clip a little later.


----------



## rymo

Haha epic thread is epic.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Haha epic thread is epic.


Haha, look who finally decided to show up


----------



## Paper Samurai

rymo said:


> Haha epic thread is epic.


One of the longest living threads on this forum :b Congrats on being the one who started it.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Haha, look who finally decided to show up


It's a meeting of the bros!


----------



## IcedOver

I'm hoping that this weekend goes well in terms of what I've mentioned in this thread; wish me some luck in it. It could turn out to be awesome, or at least setting up something awesome maybe for another time, but more likely is me getting flaked on or, worse, scammed and humiliated. I realize that some may not agree with this situation and what I'm trying to accomplish, but when you've never had _anything_ happen with a woman, you have to be willing to take a chance on something even if it's a tad sketchy.

Just going on this woman's messages, she is open to and even a tad enthusiastic about the idea of meeting. She's let a few things out which are concerning such as the one other time she tried this resulting in it not getting out of the e-mail stage because she didn't "screen" the guy properly (although she said she feels I'm safe and non-threatening). The fact that she's made no communication since I gave her my number last Saturday is also worrying, but according to her the week is very busy for her, and she had suggested either calling on Sunday or this coming weekend. Oh well.


----------



## Sourdog

I always thought this was a good video to help out with my confidence issues.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> I'm hoping that this weekend goes well in terms of what I've mentioned in this thread; wish me some luck in it. It could turn out to be awesome, or at least setting up something awesome maybe for another time, but more likely is me getting flaked on or, worse, scammed and humiliated. I realize that some may not agree with this situation and what I'm trying to accomplish, but when you've never had _anything_ happen with a woman, you have to be willing to take a chance on something even if it's a tad sketchy.
> 
> Just going on this woman's messages, she is open to and even a tad enthusiastic about the idea of meeting. She's let a few things out which are concerning such as the one other time she tried this resulting in it not getting out of the e-mail stage because she didn't "screen" the guy properly (although she said she feels I'm safe and non-threatening). The fact that she's made no communication since I gave her my number last Saturday is also worrying, but according to her the week is very busy for her, and she had suggested either calling on Sunday or this coming weekend. Oh well.


Good luck buddy

You have her number or she only has yours


----------



## MusingForX

Hung out with a girl.

I was just going to walk with her for a short distance, but she heavily suggested that we hang.

We drank, and talked about everything and nothing.


----------



## Zeeshan

Interesting stuff

Okay, so for starters 4 girls to talk about. Stupid i know, a bird in the hand is better then 2 in the bush.

So at the very begining of this thread i mentioned a girl i liked a lot. We went out last July, but before that in college. Never even kissed her. So i got drunk and texted her again. Lol i kept asking her out, its so pathetic i know, but i was so drunk. I had lost all controls. By the way i had deleted her number, but thanks to Google/Android, it backs up all my numbers and loads them in when i reset my phone. So lets call her A, i was surprised that we ended up talking on the phone. I wont lie to you guys, i love this girl. She isnt even attractive, but i decided that on Sunday morning i would call her and ask her to dinner again. I kind of dont care, i am going to do it, after all this is the only girl that i have ever had a dream about, that made me want to search her in the past. 

Now the girl i went out with last week. S, we had a coffee date. I met her online. Decent looking girl, i was only attracted because i am on Nofap (Basically standard drops). Now in the past year, i have gone on online dates with lets say 20 different women. Like bwidger says its 80% miss, and maybe 20% something. So anyways this looks like the 20%. The thing of it really is i could envision being attracted to her, but i dont think i like her really. However i wouldnt mind dating her a bit to see. So usually with online dating what would happen is in most situations when i was interested she would break contact since i guess maybe dont like personality looks whatever. So thats what i thought happend here, except she texted me again, and reengaged. So i asked her if she wants to chill out tommorrow, and she said she will let me know. Which is stupid because why would you reengage. 

I have also been Sexting this other girl, V. I dont know how to take that from text to real life. But she re-engages as well. She is receptive, i dont know how to get her to hang out with me. Part of the problem is that i am not super social,

Lastly i have mentioned this girl from work before here. Okay so here is what happend. Since like last year she has been flirting non stop. LIke i know what you guys think right, a guy thinks everything is flirted. However if this girl doesnt have a crush on me, then i dont know jack. I am telling you guys, i mean we basically stare into each others eyes, she touches me, blah blah. The whole hair thing. I didnt like her at first, i mean she has a great butt. Anyhow she kep asking me to take her to lunch etc. Now fast forward i decided that i would ignore her. I have her phone number now, but its complicated because i always thought if she didnt go out with me, then i would have to face that every day. 

Over the last month i have gone through some changes. I mentioned here about Ralph Waldo Emerson, and reading his essay Self Reliance. Lol there is a thread here where i am actually translating it into my own thoughts. Well see he has changed my perspective on life. I think that basically i am just different, more aggressive, less caring of what people think. So i tried an old trick i started ignoring her, shed say hi, id walk on bye. Well it was pretty clear from her expression that she was bothered. Anyhow she confronted me asking for explanations (We work together, but our jobs arent interrelated. I would never have to talk to her about a work situation.) So i put my hand on her face, and whatever changed the subject, and we basically stared into each others eyes for like 15 seconds. Then later on that same night i was drunk again, i thought about the teachings of emerson.

Now Emerson preaches the Truth. The heart of self reliance is that a person must speak the truth at all times, so much so, and let immidiately others know how he feels. Only by living such a life, can a man exist. Speak your latent conviction in hard words.

So i texted her that the reason i wasnt talking to her was because i had feelings for her. 2 hours later she replies, thats inappropriate, and something to the line of its childish that i was ignoring her. Now i know what you guys are all thinking and i would be thinking the same thing last month. Not interested. However another one of Emersons teaching is to listen to your heart and your intuition and make everything else secondary. Emerson in his essay writes that Your intuition is part of nature, and is made of the same nature as everything else. Thus your intuition is always right, and that analysis from your brain is of no use because it depends on tuition (Learned knowledge) which is second hand. Anyhow my intuition about her tells me that i can get her. :yes so i am going to go for that too.

Why not, you miss 100% of the shots you dont take right.

Really nothing negative at all. I would have to say that this has the makings for an excelent summer. V is a real problem though, she just wants to text but doesnt want to meet up, I dont get. Its just that all the places she goes to, are like real social bars. My only thing is i am not social, so i would certainly like to buy her a drink, 

Read Self Reliance guys, i am telling you, it will help. Its the truth


----------



## bsd3355

^Good stuff!

Your confidence is growing, which is good. I like the idea that you are trying to be authentic with how you feel and you are also trying to act that way. The more you do that the more people are able to connect with you, understand you, and the more confidence you have in yourself because you trust being yourself is enough, and by being yourself and having people like you for being you, you prove that to yourself.

I agree with the girl in the sense that ignoring her is a childish thing to do, because it is. To ignore someone to get attention is a childish thing. A more mature stance is to stop playing games with girls, be honest about how you feel, be vulnerable, etc. How would you like if a girl played childish games with you? It's not necessary and people don't appreciate that and it doesn't win points. All it does is make someone seem insecure themselves because they think they aren't good enough to be themselves opening and honestly. The other problem with stuff like this is that is alienates people from another, which is the opposite of what true strength is, which is bonding, empathy, self-respect of oneself and others. The more you alienate people the more you create a barrier and a prejudice in your mind and theirs. Drop the games. Little girls play games; little boys play games because they aren't wise enough to know that true strength comes from sincerity, honesty, understanding, bonding, etc. You can be all these things and still be confident, sexy, respected and strong in yourself and the way others view you; in fact, when you are these things, because they are powerful things, you do become strong and sexy. It's great you did tell her why you were doing that and stopped playing the games, that's awesome right there. If I was in that position I would of got to know her a little at work without ignoring her and then got her number or just asked her to hang out and take it form there. If she didn't want to then there is nothing saying you two can't get along and be friends, even at work.

I'll keep typing these things even if people disagree because I've been through all that other **** and I know it's not the way to go. I've learned not everyone is going to listen to it and they still need to go through their stuff, but w/e.

Keep pushing. Be consistent. Believe in yourself; be sincere; be honest; be open about how you feel; be vulnerable; be willing to take risks; be willing to fail many times and you put yourself in the best position to succeed. You will fail, but failure, if you learn from it, makes you a stronger person, and failure is part of success in many instances.


----------



## Zeeshan

I think that its a combination of things that have helped me. 

Nofap has to be top of the list as well. Again on day 8 feel much more motivated


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think that its a combination of things that have helped me.
> 
> Nofap has to be top of the list as well. Again on day 8 feel much more motivated


W/e is working for you, awesome!


----------



## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> I'm hoping that this weekend goes well in terms of what I've mentioned in this thread; wish me some luck in it. It could turn out to be awesome, or at least setting up something awesome maybe for another time, but more likely is me getting flaked on or, worse, scammed and humiliated. I realize that some may not agree with this situation and what I'm trying to accomplish, but when you've never had _anything_ happen with a woman, you have to be willing to take a chance on something even if it's a tad sketchy.
> 
> Just going on this woman's messages, she is open to and even a tad enthusiastic about the idea of meeting. She's let a few things out which are concerning such as the one other time she tried this resulting in it not getting out of the e-mail stage because she didn't "screen" the guy properly (although she said she feels I'm safe and non-threatening). The fact that she's made no communication since I gave her my number last Saturday is also worrying, but according to her the week is very busy for her, and she had suggested either calling on Sunday or this coming weekend. Oh well.


Good luck!



MusingForX said:


> Hung out with a girl.
> 
> I was just going to walk with her for a short distance, but she heavily suggested that we hang.
> 
> We drank, and talked about everything and nothing.


Sweet!


----------



## IcedOver

Zeeshan said:


> Good luck buddy
> 
> You have her number or she only has yours


Thanks. She said she was hesitant to give out her number, so I gave her my cell last Saturday and told her to call on Sunday, but she didn't, and she hasn't called or e-mailed since even though we had exchanged about ten e-mails the previous week and discussed talking on the phone and meeting in person (she asked me if I use Skype as an alternative, but I don't). And she hasn't been domineering or harsh, instead posing questions several times about whether "that's okay with you" or "I hope that's not a problem," stuff like that. Most likely she has either flaked or this was a fake all along. Do you guys think I should send her an e-mail this weekend telling her I'm free to talk on the phone, or wait until next week sometime and ask her what's up? I don't want to be pushy.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Thanks. She said she was hesitant to give out her number, so I gave her my cell last Saturday and told her to call on Sunday, but she didn't, and she hasn't called or e-mailed since even though we had exchanged about ten e-mails the previous week and discussed talking on the phone and meeting in person (she asked me if I use Skype as an alternative, but I don't). And she hasn't been domineering or harsh, instead posing questions several times about whether "that's okay with you" or "I hope that's not a problem," stuff like that. Most likely she has either flaked or this was a fake all along. Do you guys think I should send her an e-mail this weekend telling her I'm free to talk on the phone, or wait until next week sometime and ask her what's up? I don't want to be pushy.


Yeah unfortunately by the looks of it she is probably too hesitant. Do what your heart tells u


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## IcedOver

^^Most likely that's the case, although she could just be busy. I'm trying to think whether I said something that could have been misconstrued; she's not a good writer, so maybe she can't comprehend text very well either. Perhaps talking about this was enough for her, even though she seemed very down to meet, said she was interested several times, and in fact has contacted me on two separate occasions over the past few months from different ads I posted (the last time I think I screwed it up by asking for a verification photo; that time she also just disappeared). It'd be nice to meet and find out if we're compatible, and not to get that chance would suck. If this were a regular dating situation, I would not be fretting one bit and wouldn't even consider trying to contact her again. However (and without going into the whys), the likelihood of me finding anyone even close to this girl again is less than zero; even within the community of our shared interest she is a rarity. You'd have to be familiar with it yourself to understand. I feel I have to try again, but I'm probably not going to e-mail her today.


----------



## Colton

I've been walking around town asking girls to punch me and asking them if they think I'm cute. I was inspired by Andrew Hales Youtube videos which you can find here if anyone's interested 




Anyway I asked this one cute girl to punch me in the face, and she was kinda weirded out at first, but then we started talking and we agreed to meet up the next day and I ended up groping and making out with her behind a grocery store. I thought we had fun but she never replied to my texts after that, so I'm worried that I was too forceful. But I realized that approaching girls is scary but also a lot of fun!


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## bsd3355

Colton said:


> I've been walking around town asking girls to punch me and asking them if they think I'm cute. I was inspired by Andrew Hales Youtube videos which you can find here if anyone's interested
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway I asked this one cute girl to punch me in the face, and she was kinda weirded out at first, but then we started talking and we agreed to meet up the next day and I ended up groping and making out with her behind a grocery store. I thought we had fun but she never replied to my texts after that, so I'm worried that I was too forceful. But I realized that approaching girls is scary but also a lot of fun!


Haha, that's crazy. I've never done that one before


----------



## bsd3355

I talk a lot about being sincere and authentic and I could use my own advice sometimes. On campus I meet girls by asking for directions to a building and then walking with them and talking with them. Although that's not technically an evil thing to do, it still isn't honest. Often they ask me why am I there if I don't go to school there (I do go to school, but farther away than the campus I usually go to meet girls), and I once again say I am there to meet a friend. It's not 100% being honest. Those are the only two things I fabricate. And why do I do it? It's because it was a comfortable thing for me to do, and I didn't really feel like I was hurting anyone doing it, because I wasn't.

They call this being "indirect" when talking to girls and not stating your true intentions. I want to just be 100% real and direct from now on. If I see a girl on campus, I want to start practicing going up to her and simply complimenting her honestly or telling her I am interested by telling her I think she looks nice or pretty or something like that. Another reason I want to do it is because when I set up a conversation based on directions and then asking about the girl there is no inclination that I am interested in her until I ask for her number, and even then it can be taken under the context of friends. By being direct and honest not only is it being authentic and real and sincere and vulnerable, which is something I think is great, but it allows me to start a conversation with a girl I like based upon the premise of "I like you; let's chat and see where this takes us". This will screen girls who aren't interested, so less flakes, and it will allow for a connection to be made under a context of romantic interest. Overall, being direct is probably the best way to go for more solid numbers, dates and setting the frame off the bat so there is no confusing. The best part is I know it will allow for a connection to be made if we continue to talk, instead of asking for directions which is kind of stale. I'm not sure if anyone here has experienced the anxious but excited "butterflies" before when dating a girl, but a lot of it is a natural chemical reaction that happens when either you, her or the both of you feel romantic chemistry/attraction. Basically, it is the perfect mixture of feeling attraction, anticipation, lust, connection, anxiety and excitement all into one ball of emotions, which is why it is so powerful; it is like being in love, as love is a chemical reaction essentially. Being direct and honest with a girl you are attraction to, have sexual chemistry with, enables that feeling to take hold, which acts like a magnet between two people who are attracted to each other. Obviously, this doesn't happen just because you go direct, and sometimes it is hard to find, but I am just expressing the feeling. Being direct is also a default thing you can do in any situation, especially if your focus is connecting with a girl before dating her, which is ideal for less flakes, and it's definitely a natural way to go about things. I really want to start being direct from now on. It will work more in my favor and it will make me more authentic and real, which I appreciate, and so will others if done in the proper way.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I talk a lot about being sincere and authentic and I could use my own advice sometimes. On campus I meet girls by asking for directions to a building and then walking with them and talking with them. Although that's not technically an evil thing to do, it still isn't honest. Often they ask me why am I there if I don't go to school there (I do go to school, but farther away than the campus I usually go to meet girls), and I once again say I am there to meet a friend. It's not 100% being honest. Those are the only two things I fabricate. And why do I do it? It's because it was a comfortable thing for me to do, and I didn't really feel like I was hurting anyone doing it, because I wasn't.
> 
> They call this being "indirect" when talking to girls and not stating your true intentions. I want to just be 100% real and direct from now on. If I see a girl on campus, I want to start practicing going up to her and simply complimenting her honestly or telling her I am interested by telling her I think she looks nice or pretty or something like that. Another reason I want to do it is because when I set up a conversation based on directions and then asking about the girl there is no inclination that I am interested in her until I ask for her number, and even then it can be taken under the context of friends. By being direct and honest not only is it being authentic and real and sincere and vulnerable, which is something I think is great, but it allows me to start a conversation with a girl I like based upon the premise of "I like you; let's chat and see where this takes us". This will screen girls who aren't interested, so less flakes, and it will allow for a connection to be made under a context of romantic interest. Overall, being direct is probably the best way to go for more solid numbers, dates and setting the frame off the bat so there is no confusing. The best part is I know it will allow for a connection to be made if we continue to talk, instead of asking for directions which is kind of stale. I'm not sure if anyone here has experienced the anxious but excited "butterflies" before when dating a girl, but a lot of it is a natural chemical reaction that happens when either you, her or the both of you feel romantic chemistry/attraction. Basically, it is the perfect mixture of feeling attraction, anticipation, lust, connection, anxiety and excitement all into one ball of emotions, which is why it is so powerful; it is like being in love, as love is a chemical reaction essentially. Being direct and honest with a girl you are attraction to, have sexual chemistry with, enables that feeling to take hold, which acts like a magnet between two people who are attracted to each other. Obviously, this doesn't happen just because you go direct, and sometimes it is hard to find, but I am just expressing the feeling. Being direct is also a default thing you can do in any situation, especially if your focus is connecting with a girl before dating her, which is ideal for less flakes, and it's definitely a natural way to go about things. I really want to start being direct from now on. It will work more in my favor and it will make me more authentic and real, which I appreciate, and so will others if done in the proper way.


Bwidger i was thinking about this today. Okay so whats the plan???

Indirect wouldnt work for me because i refuse to lie. Now i cant just go up and say Hi. How much sense does that make. I dont want to say something like HI I am X, that sounds cheesy and i dont want to go

so what just tell her that you find her attractive and ask her if she is single? Or say something like

Im sorry, but i just cant take my eyes off of you, something like you were so taken by her that you had to come over and introduce yourself? Would that be better


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Bwidger i was thinking about this today. Okay so whats the plan???
> 
> Indirect wouldnt work for me because i refuse to lie. Now i cant just go up and say Hi. How much sense does that make. I dont want to say something like HI I am X, that sounds cheesy and i dont want to go
> 
> so what just tell her that you find her attractive and ask her if she is single? Or say something like
> 
> Im sorry, but i just cant take my eyes off of you, something like you were so taken by her that you had to come over and introduce yourself? Would that be better


Whatever feels authentic for you. If you feel good and bold, and say you notice a girl who you think is pretty, just walk over to her and tell her and start a conversation. The reason you approached to talk to her is because you think she is pretty and you would like to get to know her. There is no shame in that.

Example: "Excuse me, but I saw you and thought you were pretty and I just wanted to say hello"...and take it from there. Smile, try to project relaxed confidence, and be warm and friendly toward the girl. Drop all your emotional baggage and learn to appreciate the woman in front of you.

If you don't feel bold, and you still want to be authentic, then tell her you are a little shy or tell her you are slightly nervous. The honesty will make you and her relaxed often. _If you lie and you don't act congruently with how you feel then there will likely be a mismatch between your thoughts and actions and she will notice something is off about you. This is also why being authentic is good, because you are being congruent with your thoughts, words and actions and you come across as sincere.

_If you want to be confident and meet women easily then you inner-self is the most important part of it all. What is your "inner-self"? Your inner-self is how you perceive yourself and the outside world. A healthy mindset of meeting girls is of the following:

1. You are authentic with how you feel and you are unafraid to project that to other people. When you do this you will find that it will give you confidence because you realize that you can be yourself and people will like you for all your strengths and "weaknesses". You will realize that acting like someone else isn't necessary and it will reduce anxiety, stress and those feelings will be replaced with confidence, self-love, comfort and relaxation, because you are good enough as you are and you have nothing to hide.

2. Rejection is OK and normal and no one can get every girl. Sometimes you won't feel good or make mistakes and things won't work out, but you will learn. Some girls won't click with you, and so you simply aren't good matches when it comes to personality or chemistry, or you have different views, feelings, etc. Some girls won't think you are their type. Some girls will have a bad day, be shy, etc. Lots and lots of reasons.

Let go of "averages" when it comes to meeting girls because it is very random sometimes! You can be very confident in yourself and be good looking and you can STILL get rejected a week in a row, or not see any results for a while. Meanwhile, you can feel and think you look like **** and you can click with the first girl you talk to and get into a relationship. You simply never know, so let go of averages.

If success was the ying than rejection is the yang. You miss all the shots you don't take. Rejection is simply what happens before you get success. Rejection strengthens your character and builds long-lasting confidence because it enables you to learn to become a stronger person and accept yourself and love yourself and it will teach you to be optimistic in the face of objections. Learning to become optimistic and developing self-trust in yourself and the result will make you learn detachment from rejection, and then it will make you take more action because rejection doesn't bother you, and in turn that will get you more results because you are taking more action all while being optimistic about yourself and the future. So important! It will likely take you a while before you realize how rejection has made you a better person overall, and at first it is painful with relation to girls, but it will make you stronger inside. In that sense. rejection is necessary and good for you!

3. Let go of hate and let go of angry and frustration so you can replace those feelings with respect, admiration, inspiration and awe. Hate, jealousy, self-loathing, anger, etc., are destructive, and when you feel these things you will project negativity onto the world, which is off-putting to people. Holing onto these negative things will take away your confidence, self-love, and strength to be able to handle the world optimally. When you have these negative feelings and you view others negatively then you yourself will live in that negativity and you will not be happy. It is like a box full of **** you constantly place yourself in by your own accord, when instead you can choose to live in strength via letting go of those negative emotions. Women are human and are amazing. It is natural to feel angry sometimes or jealousy, etc., so don't necessarily beat yourself up over it, but instead recgonize the feelings and try to practice appreciation and respect. When you find a girl who you really like you will be a positive force in her life if your inner angst is low, and in turn you will appreciate her more and will see the unique beauty of who she is as a person. It's something that is never deflating, but instead it is a never-ending supply of strength you get with appreciation.

4. Be consistent!

I could probably go on, but you get the idea.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> I always thought this was a good video to help out with my confidence issues.


I agree, this is a very good video!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Whatever feels authentic for you. If you feel good and bold, and say you notice a girl who you think is pretty, just walk over to her and tell her and start a conversation. The reason you approached to talk to her is because you think she is pretty and you would like to get to know her. There is no shame in that.
> 
> Example: "Excuse me, but I saw you and thought you were pretty and I just wanted to say hello"...and take it from there. Smile, try to project relaxed confidence, and be warm and friendly toward the girl. Drop all your emotional baggage and learn to appreciate the woman in front of you.
> 
> If you don't feel bold, and you still want to be authentic, then tell her you are a little shy or tell her you are slightly nervous. The honesty will make you and her relaxed often. _If you lie and you don't act congruently with how you feel then there will likely be a mismatch between your thoughts and actions and she will notice something is off about you. This is also why being authentic is good, because you are being congruent with your thoughts, words and actions and you come across as sincere.
> 
> _If you want to be confident and meet women easily then you inner-self is the most important part of it all. What is your "inner-self"? Your inner-self is how you perceive yourself and the outside world. A healthy mindset of meeting girls is of the following:
> 
> 1. You are authentic with how you feel and you are unafraid to project that to other people. When you do this you will find that it will give you confidence because you realize that you can be yourself and people will like you for all your strengths and "weaknesses". You will realize that acting like someone else isn't necessary and it will reduce anxiety, stress and those feelings will be replaced with confidence, self-love, comfort and relaxation, because you are good enough as you are and you have nothing to hide.
> 
> 2. Rejection is OK and normal and no one can get every girl. Sometimes you won't feel good or make mistakes and things won't work out, but you will learn. Some girls won't click with you, and so you simply aren't good matches when it comes to personality or chemistry, or you have different views, feelings, etc. Some girls won't think you are their type. Some girls will have a bad day, be shy, etc. Lots and lots of reasons.
> 
> Let go of "averages" when it comes to meeting girls because it is very random sometimes! You can be very confident in yourself and be good looking and you can STILL get rejected a week in a row, or not see any results for a while. Meanwhile, you can feel and think you look like **** and you can click with the first girl you talk to and get into a relationship. You simply never know, so let go of averages.
> 
> If success was the ying than rejection is the yang. You miss all the shots you don't take. Rejection is simply what happens before you get success. Rejection strengthens your character and builds long-lasting confidence because it enables you to learn to become a stronger person and accept yourself and love yourself and it will teach you to be optimistic in the face of objections. Learning to become optimistic and developing self-trust in yourself and the result will make you learn detachment from rejection, and then it will make you take more action because rejection doesn't bother you, and in turn that will get you more results because you are taking more action all while being optimistic about yourself and the future. So important! It will likely take you a while before you realize how rejection has made you a better person overall, and at first it is painful with relation to girls, but it will make you stronger inside. In that sense. rejection is necessary and good for you!
> 
> 3. Let go of hate and let go of angry and frustration so you can replace those feelings with respect, admiration, inspiration and awe. Hate, jealousy, self-loathing, anger, etc., are destructive, and when you feel these things you will project negativity onto the world, which is off-putting to people. Holing onto these negative things will take away your confidence, self-love, and strength to be able to handle the world optimally. When you have these negative feelings and you view others negatively then you yourself will live in that negativity and you will not be happy. It is like a box full of **** you constantly place yourself in by your own accord, when instead you can choose to live in strength via letting go of those negative emotions. Women are human and are amazing. It is natural to feel angry sometimes or jealousy, etc., so don't necessarily beat yourself up over it, but instead recgonize the feelings and try to practice appreciation and respect. When you find a girl who you really like you will be a positive force in her life if your inner angst is low, and in turn you will appreciate her more and will see the unique beauty of who she is as a person. It's something that is never deflating, but instead it is a never-ending supply of strength you get with appreciation.
> 
> 4. Be consistent!
> 
> I could probably go on, but you get the idea.


Can the first step be just telling a girl she looks beautiful, and not pursuing anything further. I think i could do that and just sort of go on with my day, and that way, i can slowly start

Agreed then i will give a direct compliment and go on with my day. See where it goes.


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## lava

Let's see...

Tried online dating sites for the Nth time this month and quickly gave up again.

Signed up on this forum, though I don't know how that will help. Still feels nice when a girl responds to a post and/or appears to give a damn. Yay, interaction with a female!


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## IcedOver

Just an update on my situation. I had been worried that the woman with whom I had having an e-mail conversation had lost interest, as she hadn't called or e-mailed for a week after I gave her my number. On Sunday I decided to send her an e-mail asking if she was still interested and telling her I'd be able to talk that evening because I knew the week was busy for her. A couple hours later she texted and called, saying that she had gotten my e-mails but that she had been busy, forgotten a couple times and wanted to wait until she had ample time to talk before calling.

We talked for 45 minutes and she's cool as hell, seemingly totally on board with what we had discussed. We've pretty much set a date of Sunday to meet at her place, and I suggested that we first meet up after her work shift on Tuesday for a quick "hello," as we work in the same downtown area. It wouldn't surprise me if this falls through or that the meeting would not be as good as it could be, but whatever. If it happens it would be my first ever intimate experience, even though as I said it would not involve sex so far as we've discussed, and that's fine (although I'll just follow her lead in all of this). I'm worried that once she meets me, my looks may turn her off.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Can the first step be just telling a girl she looks beautiful, and not pursuing anything further. I think i could do that and just sort of go on with my day, and that way, i can slowly start
> 
> Agreed then i will give a direct compliment and go on with my day. See where it goes.


sounds like a good idea. try it out. baby steps are good

I think if you do that to enough women, some will try and hold a conversation with you. Some won't.


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## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> Just an update on my situation. I had been worried that the woman with whom I had having an e-mail conversation had lost interest, as she hadn't called or e-mailed for a week after I gave her my number. On Sunday I decided to send her an e-mail asking if she was still interested and telling her I'd be able to talk that evening because I knew the week was busy for her. A couple hours later she texted and called, saying that she had gotten my e-mails but that she had been busy, forgotten a couple times and wanted to wait until she had ample time to talk before calling.
> 
> We talked for 45 minutes and she's cool as hell, seemingly totally on board with what we had discussed. We've pretty much set a date of Sunday to meet at her place, and I suggested that we first meet up after her work shift on Tuesday for a quick "hello," as we work in the same downtown area. It wouldn't surprise me if this falls through or that the meeting would not be as good as it could be, but whatever. If it happens it would be my first ever intimate experience, even though as I said it would not involve sex so far as we've discussed, and that's fine (although I'll just follow her lead in all of this). I'm worried that once she meets me, my looks may turn her off.


Awesome!


----------



## komorikun

IcedOver said:


> Just an update on my situation. I had been worried that the woman with whom I had having an e-mail conversation had lost interest, as she hadn't called or e-mailed for a week after I gave her my number. On Sunday I decided to send her an e-mail asking if she was still interested and telling her I'd be able to talk that evening because I knew the week was busy for her. A couple hours later she texted and called, saying that she had gotten my e-mails but that she had been busy, forgotten a couple times and wanted to wait until she had ample time to talk before calling.
> 
> We talked for 45 minutes and she's cool as hell, seemingly totally on board with what we had discussed. We've pretty much set a date of Sunday to meet at her place, and I suggested that we first meet up after her work shift on Tuesday for a quick "hello," as we work in the same downtown area. It wouldn't surprise me if this falls through or that the meeting would not be as good as it could be, but whatever. If it happens it would be my first ever intimate experience, even though as I said it would not involve sex so far as we've discussed, and that's fine (although I'll just follow her lead in all of this). I'm worried that once she meets me, my looks may turn her off.


Did you already send her some photos of you?


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## IcedOver

komorikun said:


> Did you already send her some photos of you?


I have not sent her photos of myself, nor did she ask for them, but I did tell her self-deprecatingly that "I'm no Clooney and hope that's okay" in response to her saying that she didn't think that she was gorgeous but that she does get male attention. I told her my height/weight stats, and when we talked she seemed impressed that I must be in good shape. She sent me non-face photos of herself, though, which were very nice. Regardless, I hope looks won't be that big a deal because this is not a dating situation, but a meeting based on a common fetish interest. She actually had a concern that this would be a dating thing, but I assured her that's not what I'm looking for, although I would like this to be a repeat thing if it goes well. On the phone her personality was engaging, but realistically from what she said she's not my type anyway (she appears to be very social and party some). Still, it's quite possible that we could meet tomorrow and my looks could let her down, as I come off better on the phone due to my newscaster-like voice. Oh, well.


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## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> I have not sent her photos of myself, nor did she ask for them, but I did tell her self-deprecatingly that "I'm no Clooney and hope that's okay" in response to her saying that she didn't think that she was gorgeous but that she does get male attention. I told her my height/weight stats, and when we talked she seemed impressed that I must be in good shape. She sent me non-face photos of herself, though, which were very nice. Regardless, I hope looks won't be that big a deal because this is not a dating situation, but a meeting based on a common fetish interest. She actually had a concern that this would be a dating thing, but I assured her that's not what I'm looking for, although I would like this to be a repeat thing if it goes well. On the phone her personality was engaging, but realistically from what she said she's not my type anyway (she appears to be very social and party some). Still, it's quite possible that we could meet tomorrow and my looks could let her down, as I come off better on the phone due to my newscaster-like voice. Oh, well.


Were all cheering for you


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Can the first step be just telling a girl she looks beautiful, and not pursuing anything further. I think i could do that and just sort of go on with my day, and that way, i can slowly start
> 
> Agreed then i will give a direct compliment and go on with my day. See where it goes.


I'd also like to add, when you haven't done something like this before, or haven't done a lot to really have a feel for it, then you can take baby steps or set small goals, like mentioned earlier. The thing I really wanted to point out though is that when you act on one of those goals, or do these baby step goals, then naturally you should get a better inclination of what to do next, or what you need to do next time to maybe get better results.

For instance, me personally, if I haven't gone out to a bar for a while, especially since I go alone at night during the busiest times, I have to mentally prepare myself. If I can't wrap my head around it then I set the bar (the goal) very low and I say to myself something like, "I'm just going out tonight to go out alone and have a couple drinks and get a feel of it". What this does is it preps you for next time when you go out. This is one big reason why I think baby steps are good.

Obviously, you should be kind of introspective about what is going on and be able to analyze things and make proper gradual goals. I used to set goals for myself like, "I'm going to go out today to get rejected on purpose", not because I liked getting rejected, but because it was a goal of mine to desensitize myself to rejection because I knew if I could get over a certain level of rejection I'd be that much better off. Or another time when I told myself I was going to focus on approaching girls at stores and talking to them. I've wrote about that before. It took me a MONTH before I could do it. Other goals I'll set for myself is to get "X" amount of numbers per week, or sometimes I'll set goals like "X" amount of dates a week, or I'll set goals to make deeper connections/better conversations, etc. That was the route I took anyway, not saying you have to. Now I kind of keep it more simplistic because I kind of get that it is more simplistic than that, but w/e. I usually aim for a decent amount of approaches per week or getting a decent amount of numbers per week and then I'll follow up. Some will flake, some won't, some will flake after dates, some won't, some will really like you, some won't, etc., etc.

It can be pretty straightforward, but you'll find out that it will have it's ups and downs and you'll feel different from day to day. Try to remove your ego from it, and try to focus on gradual progress. Set goals, do baby steps and naturally you'll gain more confidence if it is hard starting out, and this is what some people call building "momentum". Technically, yeah, it's all pretty straightforward: you talk to a girl, maybe make a good connection with her, get her number/ask for date and take it from there, but if you are scared of doing it then it takes a bit more work. Just some ideas.


----------



## IcedOver

Zeeshan said:


> Were all cheering for you


Thanks man. No meeting with her today, though. I texted her to ask if she would still be able to have a quick word in person after her shift, which we had tentatively agreed upon. She replied that she had a dental appointment rescheduled to later and totally forgot (whether about the appointment or our meeting, she didn't say). She said she'd be available the rest of the week, but that goes against what she said on the phone of only being available to have a quick meeting after work on Tuesday or Friday. Of course my anxiety is telling me that I may be dealing with a flake or even someone bipolar (one of the only other women I ever "talked" to was bipolar, and the lies were frequent). I even wore a nice(r) shirt in anticipation so I wouldn't look so ratty.


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## stoolie

bwidger85 said:


> Or another time when I told myself I was going to focus on approaching girls at stores and talking to them. I've wrote about that before. It took me a MONTH before I could do it.


Did you use different goals, which gradually lead up to you approaching girls at stores? By which I mean different milestones or exercises, like asking for the time etc.


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## lava

Complimented a girl on her Ghostbusters shirt at the library while it was closing today, all I could come up with, it was hard for me. Didn't get anything out of it, not even a smile. :/


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## bsd3355

Got 5 numbers from campus today. 3 had boyfriends, 1 unresponsive, the other one looks like a flake down the road.

Despite my gut instinct not to, I opened up my profile on POF from a long hiatus and sent out nearly 40 emails. I looked at my pictures and I don't like them personally, but I still sent out the emails. I got 4 responses back so far. One said her plans fell through for the night and wants to meet up for coffee, so I have a date with her at 8pm tonight. Three others I'm sending messages back and forth right now. One seems to of flaked.


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## bsd3355

stoolie said:


> Did you use different goals, which gradually lead up to you approaching girls at stores? By which I mean different milestones or exercises, like asking for the time etc.


I think what helped me was observational openers, which is asking for advice on something or something of that nature. I haven't done much store approaches, and I haven't had much success with it because of that. Stores around here are for the most part a last option because you can drive all day and only see a couple girls who you may talk to, and if you are starting off it is even harder because then you have to contend with your feelings, etc. Best option is to go somewhere with lots of girls to talk to. The month thing took me so long for a variety of reasons including lack of girls. I do not live in a big city.


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## bsd3355

So I just came back from coffee date with girl from POF. Extremely pretty, and I was kind of shocked when she walked in. We sat outside and I had water and she got some bagel or something and a coffee I think. Ended up talked for almost 2hrs.

Personally, a couple very interesting things...

She straight up told me during conversation, "I say that because obviously you are a good looking guy", and knowing how I get rejected a lot that is hard to accept coming from her. If there is such a thing as subjective qualities, both physically and spiritually, people go for, then I guess I just proved it to myself. Same with the other girl I'm currently dating, but I thought maybe she liked me because I understood her situation.

She was very outgoing, very confident but friendly, open and sincere. Basically, just a cool person. I told her I'm an open person and that I'm naturally inclined to be introverted but I have no problem being social if I want to be. She revealed things about herself that made it very clear that she quite didn't understand the common male experience with dating, things such as: "Did you find that when you first started with POF that you go FLOODED with messages!? And then it tapered down?"...."Tell me what you mean by the difference of how men and women approach each other? What do you mean more direct?". She's definitely not a dumb person, but basically what that told me was that she hasn't experienced much of the direct method and I needed to explain the difference. She said the most direct thing she did was give her number to a guy she knew was interested; she said she usually lets the guy initiate everything from dates to texts, at least starting off; she said some, to me elementary stuff, about how she doesn't like when you text someone and they take hours to respond, and I agreed. My impression is that she is looking for someone to connect with and who she can get along with; she mentioned she sometimes makes mistakes for saying too much too fast, etc., because she wants to "skip" the social formalities and jump right to a connection.

She seemed booked with dates. This weekend she is going jetsking as a first date with a guy from POF; she is also going bowling the next day (likely with another guy off POF). I just find that interesting that I work so hard for what I got with relation to dating and she doesn't have to, but before you think I'm jealous or mad about it, I'm not, I just find it interesting the differences. I've worked my *** off to get where I'm at, and really all I do is increase the number of girls I talk to, but at least I was able to gain a huge amount of confidence and struggle from the experience. Some people obviously don't have to do that, and that's just what it is.

She seemed more and more interested as we talked. She was telling me her schedule when she's free after I told her we should hang out again sometime. When I went to hug her before we parted she hesitated as if she expected me to kiss her but I didn't because I didn't plan on doing it. Been on enough dates to tell when a girl is interested, and she's interested. But who knows? Maybe she'll meet those guys over the weekend and be more interested in them? It's the name of the game. She's not looking for a hook up and she told me she was worried about doing the jetsking thing with the guy because she wasn't sure where the guy wanted to end up with her. Hopefully the dude is a douchebag and ****s up lol.

But you know, it's kind of cool she told me how she doesn't like how people take long time to text and how she told me she doesn't make the first initial stuff happen (texting, etc.), so I basically know what to expect for her, as if she gave me a ****ing road map, which is obviously awesome. In the POF message I asked if she was a fan of coffee, and instead of an answer she gave me her number!? Then I gave her mine, she texted me, told me her plans fell through and drove 30-35mins from Akron to meet me for coffee at 8pm. Crazy.


----------



## bsd3355

lava said:


> Complimented a girl on her Ghostbusters shirt at the library while it was closing today, all I could come up with, it was hard for me. Didn't get anything out of it, not even a smile. :/


Good for you! Just because you complimented the girl doesn't guarantee a smile though. Maybe try to extend the conversation next time and ask a question about the said item? Carrying the conversation helps a lot via questions and comments.



I wish i was normal said:


> I have been trying to talk to this girl at work one on one so that i can (hopefully) ask her out for drinks, or to dinner etc. But it's really hard to find her on her own. I was chatting to her today whilst others were around and she mentioned that she needs to go shopping on her lunch hour tomorrow to get a present for someone's birthday. I said "i need to get a card for my uncle at some point this week. Mind if i join you?" Thing is, it's not my uncle's birthday until March 2014... it was the first relative that popped into my head. YES... i pretended that i needed to buy something just so i could talk to this girl haha. Genius right? Yes, i thought so too.
> 
> So now i plan to ask her out tomorrow. Eek! I already know i'm going to chicken out, but i'll try my best!


It was a white lie. It actually was a pretty socially savvy thing to do, so kudos for that!

Good luck with asking her out! Just that you try is good enough regardless of the outcome, and you never know unless you try!


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## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> So I just came back from coffee date with girl from POF. Extremely pretty, and I was kind of shocked when she walked in. We sat outside and I had water and she got some bagel or something and a coffee I think. Ended up talked for almost 2hrs.
> 
> Personally, a couple very interesting things...
> 
> She straight up told me during conversation, "I say that because obviously you are a good looking guy", and knowing how I get rejected a lot that is hard to accept coming from her. If there is such a thing as subjective qualities, both physically and spiritually, people go for, then I guess I just proved it to myself. Same with the other girl I'm currently dating, but I thought maybe she liked me because I understood her situation.
> 
> She was very outgoing, very confident but friendly, open and sincere. Basically, just a cool person. I told her I'm an open person and that I'm naturally inclined to be introverted but I have no problem being social if I want to be. She revealed things about herself that made it very clear that she quite didn't understand the common male experience with dating, things such as: "Did you find that when you first started with POF that you go FLOODED with messages!? And then it tapered down?"...."Tell me what you mean by the difference of how men and women approach each other? What do you mean more direct?". She's definitely not a dumb person, but basically what that told me was that she hasn't experienced much of the direct method and I needed to explain the difference. She said the most direct thing she did was give her number to a guy she knew was interested; she said she usually lets the guy initiate everything from dates to texts, at least starting off; she said some, to me elementary stuff, about how she doesn't like when you text someone and they take hours to respond, and I agreed. My impression is that she is looking for someone to connect with and who she can get along with; she mentioned she sometimes makes mistakes for saying too much too fast, etc., because she wants to "skip" the social formalities and jump right to a connection.
> 
> She seemed booked with dates. This weekend she is going jetsking as a first date with a guy from POF; she is also going bowling the next day (likely with another guy off POF). I just find that interesting that I work so hard for what I got with relation to dating and she doesn't have to, but before you think I'm jealous or mad about it, I'm not, I just find it interesting the differences. I've worked my *** off to get where I'm at, and really all I do is increase the number of girls I talk to, but at least I was able to gain a huge amount of confidence and struggle from the experience. Some people obviously don't have to do that, and that's just what it is.
> 
> She seemed more and more interested as we talked. She was telling me her schedule when she's free after I told her we should hang out again sometime. When I went to hug her before we parted she hesitated as if she expected me to kiss her but I didn't because I didn't plan on doing it. Been on enough dates to tell when a girl is interested, and she's interested. But who knows? Maybe she'll meet those guys over the weekend and be more interested in them? It's the name of the game. She's not looking for a hook up and she told me she was worried about doing the jetsking thing with the guy because she wasn't sure where the guy wanted to end up with her. Hopefully the dude is a douchebag and ****s up lol.
> 
> But you know, it's kind of cool she told me how she doesn't like how people take long time to text and how she told me she doesn't make the first initial stuff happen (texting, etc.), so I basically know what to expect for her, as if she gave me a ****ing road map, which is obviously awesome. In the POF message I asked if she was a fan of coffee, and instead of an answer she gave me her number!? Then I gave her mine, she texted me, told me her plans fell through and drove 30-35mins from Akron to meet me for coffee at 8pm. Crazy.


Wow what a strange strange date. The same day you messaged her,


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## bsd3355




----------



## IcedOver

I'm paranoid about messing up this situation with this woman. We had tentatively agreed to meet briefly someday this week after her shift, and when Tuesday didn't pan out, she said she'd keep me updated on another day that would work, but she hasn't texted me, and I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't do so today or tomorrow. Should I take the initiative and text her? I don't want this to come off like a dating situation, as she was clear that's not what she is looking for. She is also very concerned about not mixing her fetish with her regular life, so maybe that's a consideration.

Actually, if we do meet, I don't know what tenor the meeting might take, whether sexual or non-sexual. In the first message she sent me two months ago in response to my ad, she mentioned being STD free and asked that anyone she would meet be the same, even though I did not mention desiring sex in my ad. She also has volunteered that this is a sexual fetish, as it is with me (that's not exactly what it sounds like, but I can't really explain it). Hypothetically, in a first meeting I'd be willing to do "anything but," but despite my experience status, I'd be unwilling to go all the way should she desire it, which I doubt she will anyway. I know I'm overthinking something that may collapse at any moment, but what can I say?


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> I'm paranoid about messing up this situation with this woman. We had tentatively agreed to meet briefly someday this week after her shift, and when Tuesday didn't pan out, she said she'd keep me updated on another day that would work, but she hasn't texted me, and I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't do so today or tomorrow. Should I take the initiative and text her? I don't want this to come off like a dating situation, as she was clear that's not what she is looking for. She is also very concerned about not mixing her fetish with her regular life, so maybe that's a consideration.
> 
> Actually, if we do meet, I don't know what tenor the meeting might take, whether sexual or non-sexual. In the first message she sent me two months ago in response to my ad, she mentioned being STD free and asked that anyone she would meet be the same, even though I did not mention desiring sex in my ad. She also has volunteered that this is a sexual fetish, as it is with me (that's not exactly what it sounds like, but I can't really explain it). Hypothetically, in a first meeting I'd be willing to do "anything but," but despite my experience status, I'd be unwilling to go all the way should she desire it, which I doubt she will anyway. I know I'm overthinking something that may collapse at any moment, but what can I say?


I think you should text her


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## IcedOver

^^I did, six hours ago, and no response. Of course many reasons could exist for her not responding (work primarily), but my anxiety is again telling me that I blew it somehow, especially since the cell phone is now an appendage of the human body and people check it constantly. I never "text," so am not used to the waiting game, and it's gut wrenching. When we talked on the phone, we left it as pretty positive that we'd meet at her place on Sunday, so if she doesn't text or call me before tomorrow afternoon, I'll give her a call I guess. Perhaps she doesn't want to meet at all before the day of because she wants to keep this uber-private, to an extreme degree. Meeting beforehand also may foster the idea that it's a date or even impinge on her fantasy. I don't know. She herself suggested meeting outside of our rendezvous so we're not just jumping into it, and I echoed that and wanted it myself, so I'm not sure what she wants. I know I'm being overwrought about this whole deal, but if it doesn't pan out at all, I'm going to be residing in Depression City big time. People have these same kinds of meetups every day, so if I can't swing it, it'll be a big downer, especially since this year has been so stressful. 

I'll admit I did a little snooping, although one can't blame me considering the circumstances of meeting someone off the internet in a situation like this. I searched her phone number and found it listed on a site for her (different but similar name to what she told me, but a lot of other stuff matches up, so I'm pretty sure it's her). She's not ugly, but is no raving beauty. At least I know what she looks like and my mind isn't racing on the possibilities.


----------



## bsd3355

So hung out with the girl with schiz again. I am beginning to get frustrated now because I told her I'd meet her at 5pm and we'd hang out. She invited me over to her arts building at the campus, she didn't tell me she had to do work later on that evening. So we get back to her place and we are watching a movie and I'm thinking I'm prob gonna spend the night or something. She says she has more work to do at the art thing and so I drop her off at the building at 8pm. I asked what she was doing later and she said she's probably gonna pass out because this is the time when her schiz acts up. 

But it kind of pisses me off because I'm not getting any. Realistically, any good relationship has a healthy sex life. I can understand the schiz part, but she hung out with me the other time and crashed at my place, so I don't know what the hell. She says she's trying to get it sorted out. I sympathize with that, but if she's not going to put out at all then I'm moving on. She's cool and treats me well, but the sex thing is probably gonna be the deal breaker if nothing happens relatively soon. Maybe her disorder is really that big of a problem? But not sure.

Next time we hang out I'm telling her specifically that I plan on watching a movie at my place later. Either that, or other plans, but I'm putting the moves on HARD and making it very clear. If she denies me again I'm gonna say something about it. Not tryna be an *******, but if she doesn't put out, then that's not a relationship I want.

Sunday I'm inviting her over and gonna put it down hard. If she denies me I'll say something and find out what's the deal. I'll tell her I'm looking for a sexual relationship and if she isn't then maybe we aren't good for each other.

Idk, I'm not trying to be an *******, but don't you think it's reasonable I bring it up at least?


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## Zeeshan

I wish i was normal said:


> So... an update....
> 
> I did it yesterday (took me a little longer than planned, due to nerves!). I asked her if she'd like to go for drinks sometime. And she said yes!!! I cannot believe it  She was in a rush to get somewhere at the time, so we couldn't chat for long and haven't arranged a time or place yet. But we exchanged numbers and i said i'd text her to arrange something. I'm going to text her today and ask when she's free. I will also let her know that i'm free tomorrow (Sunday) if she is?
> 
> Is that ok? I've never done this before... not sure what is expected of me. I am freaking out over every small decision i make, wondering whether i've messed up or not.


Do what your instincts tell you


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## IcedOver

Update: 24 hours later, and no reponse to my text yesterday. I might text again in a little bit and ask if I can call her today to find out if tomorrow is still good. I just don't get it. Except for a few concerns which she brought up and I reassured her about, our conversation online and on the phone was very positive about meeting, almost to the point of being an assumption. We talked about different things we were going to do and all that. She said she's free on Sunday, and I said I was as well. If I just get frozen out, I'll feel like a ghost. A co-worker the other day was standing in a lobby talking to someone and I walked past her into the other room, and when she came in she said she didn't even notice me coming in, that I move like a ghost. That's really what I'm feeling like.


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## Creepy Little Clown

**** All! ... so why don't all the chicks on this site pm me with ideas ([Edit]-shyvr6)


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## TobeyJuarez

im trying to date girls from school and its actually very different from my normal experience.... there are three that im currently pursuing... two of them share classes with me and those are going pretty well but theres another girl who seems to follow me around campus on my breaks which i thought was kinda weird... and i dont think its coincidence cause one time she walked three quarters the way up to me like she was going to approach me but then she looked left and right and turned around and walked away like she had lost her nerve.... i think shes definetly attractive so im not really sure why she would be so shy... any guy she approached would likely be receptive to it... on monday i was going to try and talk to her and maybe ask her if she wanted to go get something to eat cause theres a bunch of food/coffee places around the campus i go to.... yet again though im worried that she might be older than me which seems to be an instant turn off for most women even though i wouldnt mind dating someone who is a couple yrs older than me...


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## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> Update: 24 hours later, and no reponse to my text yesterday. I might text again in a little bit and ask if I can call her today to find out if tomorrow is still good. I just don't get it. Except for a few concerns which she brought up and I reassured her about, our conversation online and on the phone was very positive about meeting, almost to the point of being an assumption. We talked about different things we were going to do and all that. She said she's free on Sunday, and I said I was as well. If I just get frozen out, I'll feel like a ghost. A co-worker the other day was standing in a lobby talking to someone and I walked past her into the other room, and when she came in she said she didn't even notice me coming in, that I move like a ghost. That's really what I'm feeling like.


That's why i don't even waste my time talking to one girl starting out. This almost always happens when you start dating. Even the girl I am dating currently, I know **** can hit the fan at any moment and there has not been enough trust built on the relationship side of things to know for sure what is going to happen. Putting all your eggs in one basket when you start meeting girls is foolish, especially since flaking is so common. Guys get into dating thinking flaking isn't common. Better think again.

The girl I had coffee the other day, whom I was sure was interested, flaked one of my texts. You never, ever know sometimes, so I think it's foolish to put all your hopes on one girl who hasn't proved anything to you yet.


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## IcedOver

^^You're right, but my situation isn't a conventional "dating" scenario. This isn't romance. It's a meeting between two people with the same interest. In this realm, I have no one else to talk to, so I can't approach more than one woman like you do. I've placed ads and talked on forums and such for a couple years and she's the only woman to whom I've talked like this, the only one who has even really responded. All other women into this in the area are taken, too young or not into this in the same way I am. She even asked me if I got other responses to my ads, and I said that they were all spam or gays, whereas she posted an ad a few months ago and received 50 or so responses in one day, but deleted them because they were awful. I texted over an hour ago asking if I could call today, and no response. Maybe they aren't going through; I don't quite get the "+1" thing. To freeze someone out who hasn't done or said anything wrong is despicable; at least give an explanation. I might just call later and find out what happens, or e-mail. My mood is very black right now, very low.

Update: I'm going for broke. No reply to my text today, so I e-mailed her and may call later. I don't want to be a pest, but my explanation is that nothing in our conversation so far has indicated that she is anything but enthusiastic about this. I feel sick.


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## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> ^^You're right, but my situation isn't a conventional "dating" scenario. This isn't romance. It's a meeting between two people with the same interest. In this realm, I have no one else to talk to, so I can't approach more than one woman like you do. I've placed ads and talked on forums and such for a couple years and she's the only woman to whom I've talked like this, the only one who has even really responded. All other women into this in the area are taken, too young or not into this in the same way I am. She even asked me if I got other responses to my ads, and I said that they were all spam or gays, whereas she posted an ad a few months ago and received 50 or so responses in one day, but deleted them because they were awful. I texted over an hour ago asking if I could call today, and no response. Maybe they aren't going through; I don't quite get the "+1" thing. To freeze someone out who hasn't done or said anything wrong is despicable; at least give an explanation. I might just call later and find out what happens, or e-mail. My mood is very black right now, very low.
> 
> Update: I'm going for broke. No reply to my text today, so I e-mailed her and may call later. I don't want to be a pest, but my explanation is that nothing in our conversation so far has indicated that she is anything but enthusiastic about this. I feel sick.


Sorry bud what does your heart tell you


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## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> ^^You're right, but my situation isn't a conventional "dating" scenario. This isn't romance. It's a meeting between two people with the same interest. In this realm, I have no one else to talk to, so I can't approach more than one woman like you do. I've placed ads and talked on forums and such for a couple years and she's the only woman to whom I've talked like this, the only one who has even really responded. All other women into this in the area are taken, too young or not into this in the same way I am. She even asked me if I got other responses to my ads, and I said that they were all spam or gays, whereas she posted an ad a few months ago and received 50 or so responses in one day, but deleted them because they were awful. I texted over an hour ago asking if I could call today, and no response. Maybe they aren't going through; I don't quite get the "+1" thing. To freeze someone out who hasn't done or said anything wrong is despicable; at least give an explanation. I might just call later and find out what happens, or e-mail. My mood is very black right now, very low.
> 
> Update: I'm going for broke. No reply to my text today, so I e-mailed her and may call later. I don't want to be a pest, but my explanation is that nothing in our conversation so far has indicated that she is anything but enthusiastic about this. I feel sick.


Sounds like she has lots of options and you don't. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.


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## Zeeshan

Be yourself

Talk about what you feel

Touch her before kissing n go for it


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## trymed

*nice thread*

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'd like to say that I rreally like the site and I think that this thread is genuinely brilliant. This having been said.... I would like to rip my hair out and scream for help. Hehe. No, really. Egad. Why is this part of my life so Damn difficult and painful?!? I'm not a good basketball player, but I don't feel like throwing myself off a bridge every ttime I see a hoop, if you know what I mean. I don't think there is an answer to that question, which is even more frustrating,. Every now and then I do get around to talking to girls... I work In a nightclub, so it's not like there aren't any around.... too many of Them!,, and wayyy too hot, the feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming and some days I really do consider suicide as a viable option (but I doubt I'll ever have the courage).

Some history: I have too kids, my wife left me a year ago and I haven't seen them in months. I am very confused. For years they were my only reason to function, I really felt like a ""man", I loved them soon much I couldn't want more from life.... now I ffeel like I'm living in some sort of surreal limbo, the afterlife, a different reality, and I don't know what I want or why.. A cconstant is the need for company and affection, a lot of the time I just wish I could meet someone that wants to cuddle as much as I do.... I don't know if I care all that much about the sex. At least time I'm afraid that it's all just some sort of mind game I'm playing with myself and maybe it really is just about sex. I don't know.

I do feel unattractive. I don't mean to whine... but I have noticed that I don't get many looks anymore. I have some physical problems that make me feel hopeless because even if I did find someone I would just have to keep finding excuses not to take my clothes off. To top things off, I just really don't have the energy anymore to go to the gym, run or whatever, I can't be bothered to do all that false mind game stuff that we call dating... I just wish I could find someone like me. That is pretty uptopistic. Isn't it. Ambivalence is so frustrating.

Anyone think they can make some sense out of that?


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## trymed

At least time = at times


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## trymed

So... anyways, just to get congruent.. last week I spent an hour talking with a coworker, blonde, freaking beautiful, I'm a cook, so I made her dinner, a beautiful plate with a heart made of sesame seeds, hehe. And sat with her while she ate, tLked about lots of stuff, trying to get to know her a bit better. She seemed really happy to talk with me. She studies at a nearby university, way starter than I am, prettier too, I never even finished high school... blah blah, while whine. So anyways I felt pretty good, just for having talked.... so I sent her a friend request on Facebook and she accepted instantly. I of course went to read her posts and look at her pictures, cause I'm a curious guy. And low and behold, she has a boyfriend. Who is more popular, better looking and probably richer, with way less baggage than I. A dj, which certainly trumps a cook. So now I feel like a total moron for even having tried. Uggh.  OK, well that's the best experience I've had in a while.


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## Zeeshan

trymed said:


> So... anyways, just to get congruent.. last week I spent an hour talking with a coworker, blonde, freaking beautiful, I'm a cook, so I made her dinner, a beautiful plate with a heart made of sesame seeds, hehe. And sat with her while she ate, tLked about lots of stuff, trying to get to know her a bit better. She seemed really happy to talk with me. She studies at a nearby university, way starter than I am, prettier too, I never even finished high school... blah blah, while whine. So anyways I felt pretty good, just for having talked.... so I sent her a friend request on Facebook and she accepted instantly. I of course went to read her posts and look at her pictures, cause I'm a curious guy. And low and behold, she has a boyfriend. Who is more popular, better looking and probably richer, with way less baggage than I. A dj, which certainly trumps a cook. So now I feel like a total moron for even having tried. Uggh.  OK, well that's the best experience I've had in a while.


Inn what world does a DJ trumps a cook


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## trymed

In the materialistic bulls hit world we were born into, without which social anxiety would not exist


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## bsd3355

Trymed, in the end, you got to work with what you got. If your body bothers you then at least you have control over that to get into shape. Unfortunately, nothing will happen likely unless you make it happen. Just keep trying to make it happen.


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## bsd3355

I wish i was normal said:


> Date arranged for Monday evening after we finish work. Eeeeeeee! (giddy, nervous excitement)
> 
> Any advice on what girls would like/expect me to talk about on a first date? I need an array of topics/questions lined up in my head that i can select from to fill potential awkward silences. But i don't know what those questions should be. Oh god, i'm so scared right now. I don't want to mess this up! I just want conversation to go well and for it to end with a kiss. But i don't know how to make this happen :/


Talk about what interests you. Ask her questions. Be yourself. Relax, it's not as hard as you think. At the end of the date go in to hug her then after turn your head and kiss her if that's what you want to do. She may not accept it, but she may as well.


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## trymed

bwidger85 said:


> Trymed, in the end, you got to work with what you got. If your body bothers you then at least you have control over that to get into shape. Unfortunately, nothing will happen likely unless you make it happen. Just keep trying to make it happen.


Seems pretty logical... too much trouble tho, just to end up hurting.. Hehe. I guess I'm just being a dick. There's probably another thread for what I'm getting at.


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## IcedOver

Update: I did not call her, but sent a brief text yesterday (because we had tentatively mentioned meeting yesterday) telling her that I assumed that she was no longer interested, but if she is to get back to me. Late at night I received a reply saying that she had been back home taking care of a family problem involving relatives fighting amongst themselves and that she just got back. She said she felt bad and is not ignoring me, and that she would be free today or tomorrow to meet for coffee or something before going back home on Wednesday for the holiday (I'm too busy these two days, so they wouldn't be good for me). 

I'm definitely not going to say my fretting was for naught, because this could all be a lie, she could be bipolar, whatever. Of course I'm still going to pursue this, but with diminished enthusiasm and increased caution. Really, I had pretty much "moved on" and discounted the whole thing by the time she texted me, so I just felt like "Yeah, whatever" when I got her message. People say you don't "owe" anyone anything whom you are just getting to know -- e-mailing, texting, one date, whatever. I don't have enough experience (none in fact) to know whether that's true from the inside, but from the outside it would seem to me rude just to ignore messages. If you're busy, tell someone; if you aren't interested, just say so. Don't you all believe that's a little more classy?


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## Zeeshan

Okay so long post coming alert.

Basically there is this girl A who i have mentioned on here before. I had failed to kiss her on two occasions before, once 5 years ago, and once a year ago. I am really crazy for her,

So anyways we went to the movies today. Man of Steel (Terribly disappointing). Now When i met up with her, she was wearing her contacts and had make up on. I find her to be beautiful period, but i know for a fact that when she wears her contacts, her eyes really dry up, so initially happy

We went to the movies. I just bought my own drink (She paid for the popcorn/Drink), but i saw her grab multiple straws. So my initial thought was she was gonna ask to drink but out of her own straw. She didnt, she drank from my straw. We used the same straw, before drinking she asked if i was a germophob. 

Through out the movie only one thing was on my mind, am i going to be able to pull the trigger on her this time. Ive had GFs, but the reason this was important is because i actually have a crush on her and have failed with her before. However her using my straw was a big plus in my opinion. So after the movies, we went for a walk (Well drove nearby). It was great, we can literally talk for hours and hours and just share everything. However there was no physical contact what-sover. so as we were walking back a stoke of luck if you would have it.

There was a crazy seven footer. This is downtown Toronto if youd imagine, in the most congested part. No place for a woman to be walking around by herself late. He was harrasing everyone and throwing boxes. i mean a huge huge guy. so i remember her saying lets cross the street. I said dont worry about it, and immidiately grabbed her hand. With her hand in mine, we walked around the guy but on the same side walk, and he was like hey do you have a quarter, and i was like no sorry buddy, and we just walked on. And he started throwing boxes. She was so scared, but the fact that we walked through with her hand in mine, i think actually helped me. I truly believe that crossing the street would have resulted in her losing respect for me. I think we let go after a minute.

Afterwards we got to my car, but i wanted to walk her to her lobby. which she smiled at. Now this is the part that really put things in my favour. She pulled out HER CHAPSTICK and used it. she didnt use it the entire night, but used minutes before she got to her door. 

I was nervous my friends but not as much as i thought i would be. I knew that regardless of what happens with her, if i didnt kiss her, i would have lost everything in myself. The entire journey would mean nothing. 

So I did. A very light lips on lips kiss. I am not sure but i think she pressed back. It only lasted about 2 seconds, after i gave her a hug. I wonder if she felt something. I told her to text me when she got to her door. 

So basically that was my date with A. I am not sure what will happen now with her.

Here are the basics.

* She knows i have feelings for her which i told her about a year ago. So my initial understanding was, no woman would go out with a man knowing that the man had feelings for her, and she wasnt interested. 

I am just going to continue to do what my heart tells me with her. She didnt text me back after i told her i found my car. It was tricky to find my car from her place (10 minute walk through a school). I'll text her tommorrow. What makes me nervous with her, is that because she is so important to me, i dont want to screw up. However you know what I realized that because i went for it (Without Alcohol, without drugs) and didnt feel all that nervous. I have crossed a bridge. Before i could only be with women that were worthless to me, because it didnt matter what happens. With her its different.


----------



## IcedOver

Just an update on the situation I've talked about with the meeting I've got cooking with a woman based on our shared interest. Last week I had thought that she was blowing me off, but she texted me saying that she had had an extended family problem she had to take care of back home. She said that this past week she'd also be back home, and would return to town yesterday. My ardor for the meeting has waned considerably, and I had already sort of "moved on" before she texted me Sunday of last week. Yesterday evening I got this text from her (all poor writing is intact).

_"Sorry dear just got home from the rents. let me know if any night this week might work to meet up even just for coffee or somethin"_

What's this "dear" crap? That's something you say to someone you're dating. When we talked on the phone, she brought up a concern that I'd want this to be a dating thing, and I reassured her that's not what I'm looking for (and it really isn't). That text just really turned me off and got my suspicions up. She didn't seem odd on the phone, and when I did a search on the internet for her, she also appeared pretty normal, so I hope I'm not dealing with some weirdo, clingy, lying bipolar woman. I replied to the text and we talked about arranging a quick meeting after her shift (during mine, but I can step out). She thought I said that I was on Facebook, but I didn't say that (I said I was on a different website). I told her I wasn't on it, but that I'd text or call her during the week to set a time to meet. She replied "Kk", but then sent a follow-up text.

_"Btw, i kinda sense some hesitation. if ya got a bad feelin on all this i wont be offended. it just might be our schedules arent exactly cohesive to this"_

Again, I don't get this. Of course both of us have hesitation because it's an odd situation. I replied that I'm still down for our meeting, and that Sunday would work best, but that coordinating schedules during the week is tough. She said this.

_"Ok cool. Lol im low pressure and i know my unexpected schedule mix last week messed the first plan up. just drop me a line tues "_

I don't know what to think about this. If I had other options for meeting someone for this, I'd probably ditch it, but I don't. I guess I just have to be cautious.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan, good stuff. If she wants to continue seeing you then she will keep seeing you, basically.

Personally, I've been seeing this one girl for a while now and I'm learning not to put so much emphasis on trying to do certain things and let things happen naturally. The thing I like about her is her willingness to communicate authentically.

Now that I look back, it is very, very likely I have ruined many chances by feeling the need, likely out of insecurity, to push certain things. In your instance, I don't think the kiss was a bad move though, and it lets her know you're interested in that way.

IcedOver, I wouldn't take her saying "dear" as anything. Girls says that stuff with no intention behind it but courtesy. If she's still in contact with you then she's likely telling you the truth that she takes things slowly as far as it goes with the meetup. If you want it that bad that fast then stop investing so much energy in this one girl and meet other girls. You are not in a relationship with her and there are no expectations, so don't kill yourself with anticipation.


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## IcedOver

Thanks bwidger; you're probably right. Well, I actually just met with her (not for our rendezvous, but just to chat in person), and she's pretty awesome -- a lot cuter than her photo and a great personality. As we had discussed, this wouldn't be a dating thing, and I'm glad that I'm not having a desire to date her because her personality type (a little more gregarious and partyish) isn't the type I'd go for in a date. I'd be open to anything she's open to, however. She's very chilled out and relaxed, and like me is very glad to have found someone realistic who is into the same thing as she is. As I said, I had searched her phone number and found that her name is not what she had said, and I'm glad that she did tell me her real name, as to keep that up would have had me tense. The meeting on Sunday is virtually a go unless something comes up. 

She didn't press me for information about myself, but she did offer a few details about her dating history, which had me worried that she would ask about mine. If our conversation goes that way again, I'm just going to try to steer it away from that, because I don't want to have to lie or tell her the truth, as that'd probably be a sure way to get her questioning this and me (as in the idea that I'm not as "normal" as I come off because I have no romantic experience).


----------



## bsd3355

Feelings are growing for this girl I am seeing. It is mutual. She just texted me that she wished we were hanging out right now, which means she's lonely and misses my company. In other words, I know without a doubt this girl really likes me. This isn't me bragging, as I find that distasteful, but I just find it interesting how time spent together--romantic time (unrelated to sex, even)--establishes something so primal.


----------



## TryingMara

Zeeshan said:


> I am just going to continue to do what my heart tells me with her. She didnt text me back after i told her i found my car. It was tricky to find my car from her place (10 minute walk through a school). I'll text her tommorrow. What makes me nervous with her, is that because she is so important to me, i dont want to screw up. However you know what I realized that because i went for it (Without Alcohol, without drugs) and didnt feel all that nervous. I have crossed a bridge. *Before i could only be with women that were worthless to me, because it didnt matter what happens. * With her its different.


Just out of curiousity, why or what was it that made them worthless to you?


----------



## IcedOver

I made a separate thread to talk about this situation, but since I've been updating this one, I'll put this last update. Check out post 4341 for the one before it, then read this e-mail I got yesterday (edits in brackets).

_Hey [me],_

_I feel awful, and I know this will prob be a huge disappointment, however..._

_I dunno how else to put it, there's tons of backstory, but all moot to the point that stands. In short, my ex showed up last night into town, we hung out, and, yea, he's decided to come back to PGH. We started talking and its a mutual agreement we would give 'us' another go, so, to respect that possibility, I don't want to involve any actions which are easily confused as sexual and I know he'd be furious, now hes made it clear he is trying to make this work, that I was doing this action with another._

_I hope you understand, I feel awful as it is and frankly I just kinda wanna shut out the World right now; all my plans kinda went to hell this past week and finalized with last night's bombshell._

_I hope you understand and would love to chat, remain friends, etc. Hell, even if he's into it, maybe we all could chill n hang in the future in a friendly, [aspect of the fetish she would not do if she were dating someone else] but [fetish] inclusive environment, but Im hesitant to broach that possibility until this issue of me and him is more stable. I will keep in touch, but I understand if you'd prefer not to, I just feel awful and hope you understand. Thanks [me]._

Can you fvcking believe this? Two days away from our planned meeting, and it's been all I've had on my mind for the past week, then I get this. I guess I can't have nice things. This was the only chance I could probably ever have that would have turned out as well, with someone who is into this in the exact same way as I am, is pretty and looking for the same thing. This is a huge blow and my mood is very black and low.


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## komorikun

So what is your fetish?


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Feelings are growing for this girl I am seeing. It is mutual. She just texted me that she wished we were hanging out right now, which means she's lonely and misses my company. In other words, I know without a doubt this girl really likes me. This isn't me bragging, as I find that distasteful, but I just find it interesting how time spent together--romantic time (unrelated to sex, even)--establishes something so primal.


allright....update bro


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## Zeeshan

heart breaking stuff iced over


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> So what is your fetish?


cant contain yourself can you Komo just gotta know what fetish it is.

if i had to guess, its foot related


----------



## Zeeshan

So long update coming up on Me

My last update talked about me kissing A on July 1st, in what i believing destroying the ghosts of many many years. it was maybe the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and something i failed to do 6 years ago, that in many ways destroyed my life. 

Just a small summary, 6 years ago, i was very inexperienced with women and started seeing A, and was the first time a girl i crushed on went out with me. Had an oppurtunity to kiss her a couple a times, but once in particular when she expected me to make a move and i didnt. After which she lost interest and moved on. I struggled from women to women, never putting it together.

A year ago, met her again. Failed again. However she wasnt very reciprocating anyways. Now i got drunk a few weeks back, ended up texting her, met her again. This time armed with confidence had a date with her and kissed her.

Two days later another date with her, a very very long date where we hung out at her place or third date, ive lost track to be honest, multiple kisses, but nothing too passionate. Still very scared. 

Then after that she texts me that she just wants to be friends, i lose it. Devastated, but I dont believe it. My heart tells me no, you need to pursue this. There were many reasons, our dates were so amazing, and i am like no way this went wrong. I am actually crazy for A, and last year had already texted her that i had feelings for her. She has always found me to be a little bit weary of me, since our initial dating 6 yeas ago which ended badly.

But this time things were different, she let me kiss her, kissed back. So i called her, and then i knew. She was upset because she thought i blew her off, we just kissed and nothing else, and to her that was upsetting.

Anyhow i called her up we talked about it, and there was a lot of different texting etc. Somehow things ended up with driving to her place friday night in the middle of the night. We made out for hours, but she wouldnt let me close the deal. So after in the middle of the night she starts talking about her feelings again, about how mine are so intense for her, and yet she is in the initial stages of dating, so she doesnt know what will happen, but maybe we shouldnt hang out blah blah, but then an hour later she has her head to my chest and we make out for another hour. Everything but actual sex.

I leave in the morning on a high, then later that day she texts me i guess we cant be just friends or something. Last night i suggest we meet up, she initially rejects, but then asks me what i am doing. We spend the night driving around all over the city in what was an absoloute beautiful night. I think that i could see her falling in love. I had bet her that i would win her heart this time.

I finally dropped her off, and we kissed. I dont know where we are. Here is what i do know, we act like bf/gf, she cancelled dates with other guys, and now its no longer delayed texts, so...... i guess we have had maybe four-five dates. 

My heart tells me to stay put with A, she taunts me though, with comments like I am a single girl etc. She knows the mere mention of another guy burns me. If i mention another girl, she is extremely jealous. 

What i like most about her, is that in many ways she is possessive just like me. My hope is that i can make her my GF, but i'll just go with the flow and see what happens. My heart tells me she has developed feelings for me too, and its just a matter of time. I cancelled my date with another girl, because its an area around where A hangs out, besides i dont care about that girl anyways

What this has done for me is given me extreme confidence in myself. A lot of my insecurities about women were the result of everything that went wrong with A 6 years ago, when i was just starting with women. I looked deep inside of myself and saw that i had buried that ghost by getting A now. 

I know A wont see any other guys, but i have to accept that unlike me she is normal. And as such had a normal child hood, and dates normally. In any case the last two weeks have probably been the best of my life in a very long time. We enjoy each other immensely there is extreme sexual tension,

My hope is that nature does the work on her, and she falls as i expect her to. i'll keep updating. I am holding back a bit because i dont want to fall into a real of emptiness if things dont work out. Actually thats not true, truth is ive completely fallen but i think i'll be fine. Just saw another girl, and i was like i would have no problems approaching her now, that the ghost is dead.

Will update.

Edit: This is proof that one should follow their heart. Even if things go awful wrong with A, my perception of relationships with women has changed. I know now, that what happend six years ago was my fault for not taking actions when i should have. If i can get A to fall for me, then i should have no trouble in getting any other woman to.


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## IcedOver

Zeeshan, no, it's not foot related; that's not the only fetish. At any rate, thanks for your support in this, and I hope things work out well with you.


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## bsd3355

Zeeshan, doesn't look good. I don't think it'll end the way you want. Unfortunately, that's how it goes sometimes. Good luck


----------



## cooperativeCreature




----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Zeeshan, doesn't look good. I don't think it'll end the way you want. Unfortunately, that's how it goes sometimes. Good luck


I am not sure i agree. I mean considering that she spent her entire friday, saturday, and sunday nights with me. She was really craving me today,

Anyhow if i have learned three things they are

1) No matter what follow your heart, and shut that little brain up. Analyzing and thinking are useless, just do what your heart tells you, no matter what the consequences.

2) Dont listen to what a girl says, pay attention to what she does. Words are cheap, i guess the old saying is true.

3) learn to go with the flow, rather then trying to control things.

We will see what happens, but the past two weeks with her have been probably the best time i have had with any girl. She still didn't let me F her today, though we did other things. So still on third looking for the wave home.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing.


----------



## Noll

not much. i'm really bad at approaching. i also suck at giving compliments, it's not that i don't have things to say but i don't want to seem like a creep. i'm bad at balancing. 

if a girl started talking to me then i could go from there much easier. but i don't think i'm impressive enough to get girls to start talking to me. 

i'll probably die alone unless i get lucky as hell or change my ways. but i don't know if i can, it's part of my personality. not sure if i want to change that tbh, don't think i'll ever be that desperate.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Zeeshan, doesn't look good. I don't think it'll end the way you want. Unfortunately, that's how it goes sometimes. Good luck


Well as predicted she ended things. I had a feeling after leaving her place that something was up. Not gonna go too much into detail. Im pretty heart broken. For two weeks we were inseparable, and now i get this garbage about her needing space. I think she didnt want to be with me in the first place, but maybe let me love her because no one else was around.

I dont know. I am still glad i pursued it. If anything i feel much more confident with women now. So basically thats the second time in nine months that i have had a 2-3 week relationship, where the girl went from spending all the time together to nothing at all.

Gotta move on, but the heart is pretty heavy today


----------



## Zeeshan

To be honest i am starting to lose hope. I am thinking about making some very rash decisions, like maybe leaving the country and going somewhere else in the world.


----------



## IcedOver

Zeeshan, sorry to hear about this, and I can relate to having expectations dashed, although my situation was a little different. Sorry I can't give any advice because I'm still struggling with it myself.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Zeeshan, sorry to hear about this, and I can relate to having expectations dashed, although my situation was a little different. Sorry I can't give any advice because I'm still struggling with it myself.


Feeling somewhat better now.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Well as predicted she ended things. I had a feeling after leaving her place that something was up. Not gonna go too much into detail. Im pretty heart broken. For two weeks we were inseparable, and now i get this garbage about her needing space. I think she didnt want to be with me in the first place, but maybe let me love her because no one else was around.
> 
> I dont know. I am still glad i pursued it. If anything i feel much more confident with women now. So basically thats the second time in nine months that i have had a 2-3 week relationship, where the girl went from spending all the time together to nothing at all.
> 
> Gotta move on, but the heart is pretty heavy today


Same thing has happened to me before so that's why I kind of saw it coming. Usually, if a girl is acting that way early on, especially since she tells you early on she's not interested in anything romantic, then your chance of changing her mind is basically zero. From what I've experienced, girls are either into you or not. I never experienced changing a woman's mind after her initially saying she wasn't interested, but that's me.

Cool that you follow your instincts though. I do the same stuff most the time as well. Sometimes I get super confused or frustrated and second-guess a lot. There are a few things I simply can't get my head around at times.

I've been going through some **** as well. I feel like I may of been lying to myself or being fed a lie for a very long time, but I'm not sure.


----------



## matty

Zeeshan said:


> Well as predicted she ended things. I had a feeling after leaving her place that something was up. Not gonna go too much into detail. Im pretty heart broken. For two weeks we were inseparable, and now i get this garbage about her needing space. I think she didnt want to be with me in the first place, but maybe let me love her because no one else was around.
> 
> I dont know. I am still glad i pursued it. If anything i feel much more confident with women now. So basically thats the second time in nine months that i have had a 2-3 week relationship, where the girl went from spending all the time together to nothing at all.
> 
> Gotta move on, but the heart is pretty heavy today


Honestly sounds like you rushed it, and her feelings for you grew too quick, and then she got scared and bailed. I have been on both sides of that issue.

But live and learn. Sounds like you have taken some positives.


----------



## Logitech

Everyone in this thread is stronger than me, so I'm probably not going to try here. Plus, I'm seventeen, and most girls my age are REALLY hard to see unless it's around the school year. Even then, they don't want to see me, and my patience runs thin.

So at the moment, nothing. I don't intend to change.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Same thing has happened to me before so that's why I kind of saw it coming. Usually, if a girl is acting that way early on, especially since she tells you early on she's not interested in anything romantic, then your chance of changing her mind is basically zero. From what I've experienced, girls are either into you or not. I never experienced changing a woman's mind after her initially saying she wasn't interested, but that's me.
> 
> Cool that you follow your instincts though. I do the same stuff most the time as well. Sometimes I get super confused or frustrated and second-guess a lot. There are a few things I simply can't get my head around at times.
> 
> I've been going through some **** as well. I feel like I may of been lying to myself or being fed a lie for a very long time, but I'm not sure.


Thanks man. Im glad it happend though, these times were especial to me. All part of the journey i suppose

On we go, man this thread has gotten long from its humble beginnings, I still hear a lot of people putting it down, saying they are not capable of anything

To them i say, go read the earlier pages of this thread and see my condition.


----------



## Zeeshan

So I've decided to go no contact on A. I find it difficult to believe that she has no feelings for me. 

I read up about this no contact rule n how its worked for some people. The advice us to ignore her everything 

Let's see. She will miss me this weekend n I know it.


----------



## IcedOver

^^I know I should go "no contact" with this girl I've been mentioning, but to do that would cause me more aggravation than just to leave it hanging. I could say I have nothing to lose, and she did offer to keep in contact, but of course if I annoy her or come off as odd, she'll never want to talk to me again should she become single. I sent her an e-mail the other day to clear the air and also with a "counter-offer," and since she said she doesn't check that account often, I sent her a text yesterday telling her I had sent it. She replied to the text that she would check the e-mail last night, but I've not heard back from her. I've probably ruined it. 

The only bright spot is that I got another message from an ad I posted about something different. I'm very surprised about it, and the alleged woman at least has better writing skills than this last one, but of course I want to tread carefully. It will probably turn out not well.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> ^^I know I should go "no contact" with this girl I've been mentioning, but to do that would cause me more aggravation than just to leave it hanging. I could say I have nothing to lose, and she did offer to keep in contact, but of course if I annoy her or come off as odd, she'll never want to talk to me again should she become single. I sent her an e-mail the other day to clear the air and also with a "counter-offer," and since she said she doesn't check that account often, I sent her a text yesterday telling her I had sent it. She replied to the text that she would check the e-mail last night, but I've not heard back from her. I've probably ruined it.
> 
> The only bright spot is that I got another message from an ad I posted about something different. I'm very surprised about it, and the alleged woman at least has better writing skills than this last one, but of course I want to tread carefully. It will probably turn out not well.


just go for it!


----------



## IcedOver

Regarding the second woman I mentioned, we just traded a couple e-mails. It's not for the same interest as I have been talking about, but a different one, and again I'm surprised that a woman messaged me. She described herself physically, and it is not ideal, but of course I'm going to give it a try if it works out that we're compatible to meet.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Regarding the second woman I mentioned, we just traded a couple e-mails. It's not for the same interest as I have been talking about, but a different one, and again I'm surprised that a woman messaged me. She described herself physically, and it is not ideal, but of course I'm going to give it a try if it works out that we're compatible to meet.


yea def go for it.

I am trying to get back on the horse as soon as possible too. Last night i dreamt about kissing this girl, who lives in my building. We had this one great talk months ago, and i didnt ask her out. I have been looking for her ever since. I saw her go in as i was going out of the garage, but other then that nothing

I really wish i could see her today, so i can def ask her out to dinner. I miss A a lot today, i miss kissing her the most.

I really really wish i could see L now, i would have no trouble asking out girls now. , why did this confidence come so late in life to me. Only 8 months till i turn 30

The few friends i have are telling me to take it easy, but i dont want to. I want to meet a girl ASAP.

This woman texted me on POF last night, but for some reason stopped after a few messages, must have been something i said


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> yea def go for it.
> 
> I am trying to get back on the horse as soon as possible too. Last night i dreamt about kissing this girl, who lives in my building. We had this one great talk months ago, and i didnt ask her out. I have been looking for her ever since. I saw her go in as i was going out of the garage, but other then that nothing
> 
> I really wish i could see her today, so i can def ask her out to dinner. I miss A a lot today, i miss kissing her the most.
> 
> I really really wish i could see L now, i would have no trouble asking out girls now. , why did this confidence come so late in life to me. Only 8 months till i turn 30
> 
> The few friends i have are telling me to take it easy, but i dont want to. I want to meet a girl ASAP.
> 
> This woman texted me on POF last night, but for some reason stopped after a few messages, must have been something i said


Well this particular chica is insane treating me more as if I was a sperm donor. I've had enough of the crazy ones in the last year so I'll steer clear


----------



## Aluxxi

I've not given up but for the last two years I've have no intention on finding a girlfriend . I spent around six months hanging out with a girl I grew to like and it seemed as if she might have felt the same way. One of the most prominent examples I can think of is she would tell a few people she was busy for the night but would then invited me over anyway and we spent a good couple of hours drinking and watching movies. When I did ask her out (after speaking to a friend I had finally found out that three or four times she had told him she was busy but had not told me the same thing - hence why I thought she might like me) I got the "I've just broken up with someone and not ready for a relationship" angle which was a slap in the face, even though she was with someone new around two weeks later. This has still left me a little jaded and I wasn't a 'people' person to start with. My goal is to just see what happens, failing that I'll go Tom Hanks and get a ball and name it wilson.


----------



## Sourdog

Aluxxi said:


> I'll go Tom Hanks and get a ball and name it wilson.


This.


----------



## Zeeshan

My date tonight was horrible 

We had coffee and I drove her around for an hour. Entire time I kept comparing her to A. She was decent looking but her personality was not my type. I was miserable. As I was dropping her to her car I think she wanted me to kiss her but I had no desire to. 

Next time if she wants to come over that's fine I'll have a few drinks and try to sleep with her but that's the extent if my interest in her


----------



## ChuckBrown

I don't know what to do.


----------



## OtherBrain

I saw this girl on the train, i never saw her again.


----------



## Zeeshan

OtherBrain said:


> I saw this girl on the train, i never saw her again.


Okay that might be a bit difficult,

are there any other ones you liike :yes


----------



## Zeeshan

ChuckBrown said:


> I don't know what to do.


yes you do, you gotta try

where can you find a girl, think about it out in the wild?


----------



## stoolie

OtherBrain said:


> I saw this girl on the train, i never saw her again.


This happens to me so often :blank

Just yesterday a gorgeous girl sat a few seats away from me. It was extremely hot that day and even warmer inside. Quite often she and I were both simultaneously trying to cool us by fanning ourself with our hands. She was also wearing sunglasses at that time.

I have no idea how an actual conversation could be started in this situation.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this is more of an advanced scenario, not something like me should try out before actually trying to talk to a girl in a bar/pub setting.
I believe that people are more willing to talk to strangers in those bar/pub settings than on the train, trying to get to some place.

Anyway, anyone could give me an example on how they would have handled that situation in a different way than just standing there and trying to get a few peeks at her like a creeper? Because I'm already good at that. :um

I know it was just one girl, but it's just so agonizing to think about the fact, that I did nothing as always.


----------



## SilentLyric

pretty much giving up.


----------



## Zeeshan

So today was going kind of bad, i was feeling really down. Wishing i had some friends i could hit the town with. I had exchanged messages with this really cute girl on one of the websites, and then did what I usually do, which is ask them if they want to text after 15 or 16 exchanges, and give my number. 

90% of the time it works, but today she didnt text me or reply to the email. I know she read the email though. So felt really down, that i didnt build up enough interest. 

Was gonna waste the night but went on POF and started talking to a couple of the girls instead. Hope it goes somewhere!


----------



## Brandeezy

Don't know where to start. The girls at work dont pay me any attention so i have no where else to look.


----------



## IcedOver

Regarding the woman with whom I had had a meetup planned last Sunday who flaked because her ex came back, I had sent her a follow-up e-mail suggesting that we have a PG-13 meeting. I didn't expect her to get back to me, and was surprised that she replied last night. She said she gave it some thought, but that this fetish is too sexual in nature for her to do it considering that she is trying to make it work with the ex. She also confirmed what I had suspected, that she was looking to make this an entree into a sexual relationship of some sort. While she said I was "nice," she admitted that we're quite different, and didn't think it would have worked beyond a first meeting. I think our signals got mixed, because I kept using the phrase "hang out" out of respect, but she maybe took that as being all I wanted to do, when in fact I would have been open to anything, and told her so in a reply. Oh, well.

If this situation doesn't work out with the other woman (one who probably doesn't have that many options because of what she told me about her physical appearance), I might need some real therapy, even though I don't believe in it. I've just had my emotions jerked around too much, I'm not eating well, I have other things that are bothering me, and it's just too hard.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Regarding the woman with whom I had had a meetup planned last Sunday who flaked because her ex came back, I had sent her a follow-up e-mail suggesting that we have a PG-13 meeting. I didn't expect her to get back to me, and was surprised that she replied last night. She said she gave it some thought, but that this fetish is too sexual in nature for her to do it considering that she is trying to make it work with the ex. She also confirmed what I had suspected, that she was looking to make this an entree into a sexual relationship of some sort. While she said I was "nice," she admitted that we're quite different, and didn't think it would have worked beyond a first meeting. I think our signals got mixed, because I kept using the phrase "hang out" out of respect, but she maybe took that as being all I wanted to do, when in fact I would have been open to anything, and told her so in a reply. Oh, well.
> 
> If this situation doesn't work out with the other woman (one who probably doesn't have that many options because of what she told me about her physical appearance), I might need some real therapy, even though I don't believe in it. I've just had my emotions jerked around too much, I'm not eating well, I have other things that are bothering me, and it's just too hard.


I feel for you man


----------



## IcedOver

^^Thanks. It looks like we're in a similar boat, but of course mine's a little different (not that different, really). This current woman may be flaking on my e-mail. I'll know probably tomorrow evening whether she's flaked. The tenor of her e-mails was pretty promising, and I felt she was genuine. Revealing that she's not very ideal physically means she couldn't have a whole lot of options, so I don't know if I said something wrong or what. I don't know how any of you manage to keep this sh!t up. These have been my first real tries for anything, and I've just been destroyed -- and it's not even regular dating! 

I just can't take this crap of sending messages, waiting for replies, wondering if I've been ignored, getting a reply, sending another message, waiting a week to hear back, meeting in person, being flaked on, et cetera. It's too much, too taxing. I've probably lost several pounds off my already very thin frame from not eating or not eating properly in the past few weeks.


----------



## Zeeshan

Laura said:


> ...


You shouldn't let these ups and downs get to you. Its part of life.

Sometimes ppl have to go through a lot of women to find the rigth one. My recent break up was hard on me but I'm already out there meeting more women


----------



## Zeeshan

So i am going to continue this thread, even if only for myself. 

It took me about a week to get over A, i was quite hurt. However after going no contact she never called/texted me. I think pretty good chance she went ahead and deleted my number. Its what she did in the past maybe so in a moment of weakness she doesnt

I remember the last time i texted her, she didnt know who it was. 

I went online 2 weeks ago, and through very little effort was able to get a total of 5 numbers. 1 of them went astray after seeing some more pictures of me. 2 others flamed out after a bit of texting (One of them turned out to not be very pretty upon closer look)

So that left dates with two girls i had last week. I took them both to dinner. The first one, i met for coffee then took her to dinner, we had an okay time, i will call her S, actually she had a pretty face. Was a bit pudgy, but acceptable amounts. I wouldnt be embarrassed to call her my girl, and i was attracted. She had a nice body, 

I kissed her good night with two mouth to mouth kisses, she kissed back.

The next day took out this other girl. Other then a slightly large nose, she was fairly attractive, i though the date went great but i wasnt able to kiss her, only the cheek. Afterwards she didnt return my text next day, and texted late that she wasnt interested but good luck.

So the next day i texted S and we went to the movies, most of which we spent making out. long story short it was fun. We both want the same things, but i feel like i am losing her too, havent seen her since because she spend the weekend in another city. Today i told her i wanna see her, and like on cue she said she will let me know

Figures, i know i shouldnt be so beta, but i cant help it. It just happens when the loneliness etc. kicks in. 

Sigh, at least i can easily get dates online. Less then 8 months to 30 now, i am starting to feel a mix of excitement along with terrible depression

I can finally have great dates, i kiss with no hessitation, but somehow cant turn dates into relationships


----------



## IcedOver

Wow, Zeeshan, you are really trying and at least having some success with meeting a lot of women. That deserves some applause even if you've been disappointed. I don't know how I could deal with women flaking so much, but when you have an ocean from which to choose, I guess you can just move on to someone else. 

Unfortunately, for what I want, my selections are contained not in an ocean but a fish tank. I had the woman a few weeks ago cancel on me which has sent me into a black hole of depression, and now it seems that the woman who unbelievably contacted me around the same time is flaking on me as well. It felt like it was going to happen, we had discussed meeting in person for lunch Thursday of last week, but she gave a likely BS reason the day before of her car dying and she never having taken the bus and not knowing how to do it. That was the last e-mail she sent, and no response for over a week. I just can't believe it, or maybe now I can.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

So, there's a girl on Facebook who's mutual friends with some of my friends who's been appearing in a lot of the same conversations as me recently. I've decided to try adding her and see if it goes anywhere... it should help as well, because there are things I need to move on from. Here goes what'll probably be completely pointless.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I can finally have great dates, i kiss with no hessitation, but somehow cant turn dates into relationships


Sounds like you are pushing for it too much. Let things happen naturally. If you have any insecurities while dating, you NEED to get rid of those immediately because the bad feelings snowball and come out in some way and may have a very good chance of ruining relationships. You should try to build positive and constructive viewpoints on your insecurities.

More than likely, she wasn't that interesting in dating you and so it would of not of gone to the relationship status anyway. Most girls I've ever known that were into me relationship-wise didn't cease dating me because early on they wanted to, and that naturally leads to a relationship if you are just normal.

Believe it or not, kissing isn't that big of a deal for girls and it doesn't always mean anything, especially if you are making the moves. It's kind of like her giving out her number in that it still has a chance of being flaky. The only way you are going to get into a relationship with a girl is if she wants it and you act normal. If she doesn't want it she might still kiss you but it doesn't mean much sometimes. It depends on the situation and circumstance tbh


----------



## bsd3355

I've haven't been approaching enough girls to make anything happen lately. Basically just waiting till the 26th hits when college starts again because it literally goes dead when college lets out. It's been like this for about 3-4 months now, but even worse now. I'm getting tired of the lack of people. Was thinking hard about moving to chicago but after some consideration with school, finances, etc., it just doesn't seem the best idea. Probably better to just stay where I'm at.


----------



## Corvus Cowl

For the moment I am just being me. I am trying new looks with clothing from Hot Topic, of which I noticed some positive results (I noticed a few girls giving quick glances). Other than that I am taking my time and looking for signs that would indicate that someone is interested in me (particular smiles, hair twirling, wanting to hang out with me more often, etc.), so asking a lot of women out is not on my agenda.

Plus as a 25 year old (going 26) who is still living with their parents, I think I need to have some living arrangement changes before considering dating (even though we live in hard times, a lot of people including women think that living with your parents after a certain age screams "loser". Then again that might work to my advantage, because if I can find a chick who is understanding of my situation and would still like to date me because of me, that would help filter out a lot of females who live by stereotypes).

Anyhow, I'm making progress


----------



## MoonlitMadness

I'm up for grabs if anyone is interested.. lollllll


----------



## Corvus Cowl

MoonlitMadness said:


> I'm up for grabs if anyone is interested.. lollllll


But you're so far away! :teeth


----------



## Zeeshan

Corvus Cowl said:


> For the moment I am just being me. I am trying new looks with clothing from Hot Topic, of which I noticed some positive results (I noticed a few girls giving quick glances). Other than that I am taking my time and looking for signs that would indicate that someone is interested in me (particular smiles, hair twirling, wanting to hang out with me more often, etc.), so asking a lot of women out is not on my agenda.
> 
> Plus as a 25 year old (going 26) who is still living with their parents, I think I need to have some living arrangement changes before considering dating (even though we live in hard times, a lot of people including women think that living with your parents after a certain age screams "loser". Then again that might work to my advantage, because if I can find a chick who is understanding of my situation and would still like to date me because of me, that would help filter out a lot of females who live by stereotypes).
> 
> Anyhow, I'm making progress


As a rule anyone who doesn't fall for society's labels is considered attractive


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> I've haven't been approaching enough girls to make anything happen lately. Basically just waiting till the 26th hits when college starts again because it literally goes dead when college lets out. It's been like this for about 3-4 months now, but even worse now. I'm getting tired of the lack of people. Was thinking hard about moving to chicago but after some consideration with school, finances, etc., it just doesn't seem the best idea. Probably better to just stay where I'm at.


I know man

I've realized a part of my problem with these past two girls.

1. BC I lack a social life I tend to become too clingy or Dependant and available. Which ruins good dating

I think this has hurt me so much. I need to work on my social life as well so when I date someone I'm not just waiting for her all the time.

I make other ppl my priority instead of focusing myself.

I guess that is progress


----------



## MoonlitMadness

Corvus Cowl said:


> But you're so far away! :teeth


We can make it work, babe.


----------



## Corvus Cowl

Zeeshan said:


> As a rule anyone who doesn't fall for society's labels is considered attractive


So true 



MoonlitMadness said:


> We can make it work, babe.


Let's spin some tales of late night howls and spider web


----------



## IcedOver

So check this out. I posted another CL ad, partly to catch this girl who flaked on me should she have been lying about her ex coming back and should she still be looking. I tried to make it different than my past ads. Today I got a message from her via that ad asking if it's me. I replied that it is, and she said she was trying to think of a way to "make up for before" and had joined FetLife and received a several messages from women and wanted to know if I want her to relay them to me. How fvcking cheesy and lame is that? I asked her if she posted as a man, because those people who messaged her are probably not women. I also asked her if she's actually dating this guy and whether she's looking for a fetish partner, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet after three hours, probably won't. 

This is just another pounding of my emotions, just very weird and concerning. I really wish I had never tried.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> So check this out. I posted another CL ad, partly to catch this girl who flaked on me should she have been lying about her ex coming back and should she still be looking. I tried to make it different than my past ads. Today I got a message from her via that ad asking if it's me. I replied that it is, and she said she was trying to think of a way to "make up for before" and had joined FetLife and received a several messages from women and wanted to know if I want her to relay them to me. How fvcking cheesy and lame is that? I asked her if she posted as a man, because those people who messaged her are probably not women. I also asked her if she's actually dating this guy and whether she's looking for a fetish partner, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet after three hours, probably won't.
> 
> This is just another pounding of my emotions, just very weird and concerning. I really wish I had never tried.


Let it go

She flaked prob BC she doesn't have the guts to go through it so she just likes to tease


----------



## pete24

Forgot to put in this thread some updates (briefly mentioned them in some other thread relating to it).

Met some girl online who lives local (In the past 2 weeks) for dates. She looked hotter than her pics, and the first date we got on well.

Decided to give things a go but I already really dislike her and know I have to end it.

Shes too open about talking about sex with ex's. I never asked nor did I want to know, but early on she was trying to get me to say about stuff I have done with people, amount of women I slept with and how old I was when I lost my virginity. She was telling me all about her times.

I did mention that I dont like talking or hearing about crap past stuff like that, but she still continues to bring up things she did in the past.

Really thought at first we could make it into a long term thing but theres countless other problems.

Bedroom life is boring. Shes done everything as she mentioned in detail before and so it's the same old every single time. Plus when stuff happens im feeling sick because I cant get thoughts out of my head of her doing the exact same thing she said she did with ex's. Literally she has done everything, even with women and transsexual's.

She work's way too much (very little time together, seems like it will be 2 hours every other day or 1 full day every few weeks). She does loads of hobby's too... Shes too tired and feeling ill after work 1 day to meet for a few hours as planned days before... but the next day shes fine to travel 2 hours to her mates to have a night out getting wasted at clubs.

When im busy and havent replied to her message for a few hours, she will send another text asking if im ok. However, when she meets her friends I don't hear off her at all. Even though shes been using her phone to update her facebook statuses.



It's little things like that really and in general I feel like I have dropped my standards, she isnt as hot as I first saw, she doesnt even seem to be a good listener (so if im having a rough day and talk about my day to her, she will just give pointless answer's and claim im moaning over nothing).

Now's the challenge though, no idea how im gonna end it. I want to be honest about the reasons but it will probably make me look weird


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Forgot to put in this thread some updates (briefly mentioned them in some other thread relating to it).
> 
> Met some girl online who lives local (In the past 2 weeks) for dates. She looked hotter than her pics, and the first date we got on well.
> 
> Decided to give things a go but I already really dislike her and know I have to end it.
> 
> Shes too open about talking about sex with ex's. I never asked nor did I want to know, but early on she was trying to get me to say about stuff I have done with people, amount of women I slept with and how old I was when I lost my virginity. She was telling me all about her times.
> 
> I did mention that I dont like talking or hearing about crap past stuff like that, but she still continues to bring up things she did in the past.
> 
> Really thought at first we could make it into a long term thing but theres countless other problems.
> 
> Bedroom life is boring. Shes done everything as she mentioned in detail before and so it's the same old every single time. Plus when stuff happens im feeling sick because I cant get thoughts out of my head of her doing the exact same thing she said she did with ex's. Literally she has done everything, even with women and transsexual's.
> 
> She work's way too much (very little time together, seems like it will be 2 hours every other day or 1 full day every few weeks). She does loads of hobby's too... Shes too tired and feeling ill after work 1 day to meet for a few hours as planned days before... but the next day shes fine to travel 2 hours to her mates to have a night out getting wasted at clubs.
> 
> When im busy and havent replied to her message for a few hours, she will send another text asking if im ok. However, when she meets her friends I don't hear off her at all. Even though shes been using her phone to update her facebook statuses.
> 
> It's little things like that really and in general I feel like I have dropped my standards, she isnt as hot as I first saw, she doesnt even seem to be a good listener (so if im having a rough day and talk about my day to her, she will just give pointless answer's and claim im moaning over nothing).
> 
> Now's the challenge though, no idea how im gonna end it. I want to be honest about the reasons but it will probably make me look weird


Sounds like she is using you for sex

Just saying that's what it sounds like.


----------



## Brandeezy

It takes too much effort to find a GF imo. You have to ask a bunch of women for their number, go through tons of rejections before someone gives you their number, hope she doesn't flake and wants to set up a date, go on the date then figure if you're compatible, if not then you have to start over again. Too much work for me but I hope you guys have success


----------



## pete24

I don't know, im sure shes not that type and we havent really done it that much... but who knows.

Its definitely some bad vibes im getting though. It's hard to explain but its huge negativity and feelings of doubt and if it's like this in the early stages, it's going to be disaster later on.

I know that feeling Brandeezy. Well not so much with the dates as every date I have been on has gone well (except my first ever) but it does feel like a hard work.

I think when single I feel more frustrated because of the rejections.

Like I know what I have to offer, know I could make someone really happy, but theres all the let downs with finding someone. If i'm single I lower my standards a bit to find someone, because nobody of my standards are interested.

But then, once I get into a relationship I get loads of women that are of my standards and even higher than my standards that are interested. 

A week ago I was with this girl im ending things with in a pub. First off the hot bar girl who served me went over to her friend after serving me and said to her "he's hot" and they both started looking at me and smiling. Then a bit later I was walking back into the pub and some other hot girl kept looking at me. 

Things like that make me realise the girl im with is below my standards. But then when im single again and in the same situation, no women of my standards or higher are ever interested.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I don't know, im sure shes not that type and we havent really done it that much... but who knows.
> 
> Its definitely some bad vibes im getting though. It's hard to explain but its huge negativity and feelings of doubt and if it's like this in the early stages, it's going to be disaster later on.
> 
> I know that feeling Brandeezy. Well not so much with the dates as every date I have been on has gone well (except my first ever) but it does feel like a hard work.
> 
> I think when single I feel more frustrated because of the rejections.
> 
> Like I know what I have to offer, know I could make someone really happy, but theres all the let downs with finding someone. If i'm single I lower my standards a bit to find someone, because nobody of my standards are interested.
> 
> But then, once I get into a relationship I get loads of women that are of my standards and even higher than my standards that are interested.
> 
> A week ago I was with this girl im ending things with in a pub. First off the hot bar girl who served me went over to her friend after serving me and said to her "he's hot" and they both started looking at me and smiling. Then a bit later I was walking back into the pub and some other hot girl kept looking at me.
> 
> Things like that make me realise the girl im with is below my standards. But then when im single again and in the same situation, no women of my standards or higher are ever interested.


Lol well that's never happened to me

I know the relationship feel though. She makes up an excuse not to be with you but is willing to go out get hammered etc

My attitude towards women has changed considerably over the last year. With every failed relationship I am becoming angrier towards women even sexual fantasies etc

Don't know where this path is leading

Something really depressing happend though. Met this new girl through pof and she asked to share more pics. I shared another pic and I must look some kind of ugly bc she started ignoring me after

Terrible for my esteem. I always thought I was at least average looking but I think it maybe below that. It's tough to have high standards when you don't think of urself as attractive


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Lol well that's never happened to me
> 
> I know the relationship feel though. She makes up an excuse not to be with you but is willing to go out get hammered etc
> 
> My attitude towards women has changed considerably over the last year. With every failed relationship I am becoming angrier towards women even sexual fantasies etc
> 
> Don't know where this path is leading
> 
> Something really depressing happend though. Met this new girl through pof and she asked to share more pics. I shared another pic and I must look some kind of ugly bc she started ignoring me after
> 
> Terrible for my esteem. I always thought I was at least average looking but I think it maybe below that. It's tough to have high standards when you don't think of urself as attractive


Also this was on whatsapp and she has been online since


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Also this was on whatsapp and she has been online since


She messaged me now a whole 2 hours after I messaged her on whatsapp

Don't know I am really starting to feel online frustration. Last month with minimal effort o got 7 to 8 numbers. Took 3 girls out all decent looking yet after a couple of dates and kissing can't convert further


----------



## Brandeezy

So guys remember that girl I work with that has a bf but flirts with me all the time? (Let's call her "M") Well today she was talking to a co-worker in my dept, asking her where I lived and something else in Spanish (I couldn't make it out but I know she said my name). After they finished talking, M walked over to me smiling and asked if I lived at the store because I'm there all the time lol I guess trying to play it off. I made a joke, we laughed then she went on her way. After she left my co-worker came over and said "Hey, I think she likes you, she was asking me where you live. You should ask her to lunch or a movie, she's very pretty." I wanted to tell her that she has a bf but I want to see if M will end up mentioning him even though she hasn't so far. 

It's weird though because every time I see her she's always smiling at me, I mean literally every time. She also doesn't know that I'm her friend on FB (I added her as a friend when she first started working at the store) so I was going to post on her page "Hey I didn't know we're friends on here" but she updated her status "Having an early breakfast with (BF's name) feeling loved " so I decided not to because it seemed weird, plus her bf might see it and wonder who I was. I might send her a message today since only she can see it and see what happens. I really don't understand her intentions though, any help?


----------



## Rossy

After getting cheated on I am giving up


----------



## hypestyle

has anybody explored Ashley Madison? Anybody know of folks who have, and managed to find some success with intimacy?


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Mission failed. (For those who don't want to dig back: I said I was going to try adding a girl with some mutual friends who'd been in some of the same conversations as me lately on Facebook).

She just ignored it, LOL. Wow. I'm THAT bad that someone doesn't even think I'm worth trying with when we've got some of the same friends! This is absolute ****ing bull**** to be honest, how can I look THAT bad to somebody? I'd say "I give up" but the severe depression that hits me when I spend too much time mentally isolated and reminded by everyone of how ugly I am won't let me do that.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So guys remember that girl I work with that has a bf but flirts with me all the time? (Let's call her "M") Well today she was talking to a co-worker in my dept, asking her where I lived and something else in Spanish (I couldn't make it out but I know she said my name). After they finished talking, M walked over to me smiling and asked if I lived at the store because I'm there all the time lol I guess trying to play it off. I made a joke, we laughed then she went on her way. After she left my co-worker came over and said "Hey, I think she likes you, she was asking me where you live. You should ask her to lunch or a movie, she's very pretty." I wanted to tell her that she has a bf but I want to see if M will end up mentioning him even though she hasn't so far.
> 
> It's weird though because every time I see her she's always smiling at me, I mean literally every time. She also doesn't know that I'm her friend on FB (I added her as a friend when she first started working at the store) so I was going to post on her page "Hey I didn't know we're friends on here" but she updated her status "Having an early breakfast with (BF's name) feeling loved " so I decided not to because it seemed weird, plus her bf might see it and wonder who I was. I might send her a message today since only she can see it and see what happens. I really don't understand her intentions though, any help?


Well have you seen her bf on Facebook. What kind of a guy is he? A lot of girls just like the attention even though they are on a relationship

Personally I wouldn't ask her for lunch right now BC that's an easy easy way to give her what she wants n end up in the friends zone

She is def attracted to you. So what you should do....if you are really interested....is to tell this friend that you aren't interested in her and maybe even a little repulsed by her. That will even get her fires burning even further!


----------



## Zeeshan

Rossy said:


> After getting cheated on I am giving up


Sorry bro


----------



## Zeeshan

hypestyle said:


> has anybody explored Ashley Madison? Anybody know of folks who have, and managed to find some success with intimacy?


From my understanding mostly fake. Only the hottest guys will get attention on there since its for married women who want to cheat

So I wouldn't hit it unless you got a six pack abs pic at the very least.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> Mission failed. (For those who don't want to dig back: I said I was going to try adding a girl with some mutual friends who'd been in some of the same conversations as me lately on Facebook).
> 
> She just ignored it, LOL. Wow. I'm THAT bad that someone doesn't even think I'm worth trying with when we've got some of the same friends! This is absolute ****ing bull**** to be honest, how can I look THAT bad to somebody? I'd say "I give up" but the severe depression that hits me when I spend too much time mentally isolated and reminded by everyone of how ugly I am won't let me do that.


Is your mutual friend a guy or a girl?


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Is your mutual friend a guy or a girl?


The mutual friends were 2 guys. Not in any way potential partners for her, all in the same year group at the same school as each other in a little social circle.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> The mutual friends were 2 guys. Not in any way potential partners for her, all in the same year group at the same school as each other in a little social circle.


Well it could have been more helpful if it was a girl

By nature women love matchmakers. Look its not over. There are many many ways around this. You can't expect to never meet this girl and for her to add you as a friend it's possible she hasn't even ever noticed you

Now let's figure this out.


----------



## MindHacker

I'm not even really looking. Women always treat me like a sex object, like I don't have a mind or feelings and I'm just a hunk of meat. I'd rather be alone until I find something more real.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Well it could have been more helpful if it was a girl
> 
> By nature women love matchmakers. Look its not over. There are many many ways around this. You can't expect to never meet this girl and for her to add you as a friend it's possible she hasn't even ever noticed you
> 
> Now let's figure this out.


The situation's not exactly like that. I'm a few years older than all of them (3), and I'm at university. I know the 2 guys in the first place because I'm friends with his older sister, and consequently I get on well with him too. I never went to the school they did, but what is relatively likely is she's seen me talking to them before.

So it is unlikely I'd meet her, yeah. Basically, women my age look down on me for looking young, so I've tried to combat this by going for girls who are a couple of years younger than me. It was just an experiment really, a "what if", like if she accepted, tried talking to me and something developed (yeah I know it's a BIT sad but there really is nothing else in my lovelife right now). I'm clearly not worth knowing, probably because of looks, so it didn't.

EDIT: To make it very clear, I'm 20 and she's 17. I'm also in the UK where the "age of consent" is 16. So though it's unusual, no there's nothing illegal from a moral/legal point of view.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Lol well that's never happened to me
> 
> I know the relationship feel though. She makes up an excuse not to be with you but is willing to go out get hammered etc
> 
> My attitude towards women has changed considerably over the last year. With every failed relationship I am becoming angrier towards women even sexual fantasies etc
> 
> Don't know where this path is leading
> 
> Something really depressing happend though. Met this new girl through pof and she asked to share more pics. I shared another pic and I must look some kind of ugly bc she started ignoring me after
> 
> Terrible for my esteem. I always thought I was at least average looking but I think it maybe below that. It's tough to have high standards when you don't think of urself as attractive


Yea, its priority's with her too. Fair enough she had probably planned for weeks that night and maybe felt tired to meet me the night before cause I know she did a 16 hour shift. Perhaps its just me being used to women with less of a social life, either way it's not good.

Snap, with each relationship I feel more pee'd off at women. My pet hate is the line they often give of "I'm sorry but I have realised im not ready for a relationship any more, I need time to myself, I wont be in a relationship for quite some time". You know it's complete Bullcrap and sure enough in a few weeks/months they are with some other guy.

The general bullcrap makes me angry. Like my last ex, when we were going well she said how much she cared about me and would always be there for me, no matter what. I told her direct how thats complete rubbish and if we ended I could guarantee that would be that... She swore blind that even if we ended she would still be there for me.... We ended months later, a week later she found a new boyfriend (butt ugly I may add) and as predicted I havent heard off her since.

We all get that I think mate. Dating sites are the worst. In general women just seem so vain and really have the highest standards. Frustrates me too when I message a girl who seems cool and I get blown off like that. Even though I know I have had ex's so much hotter than that girl.

A rule of thumb on dating sites now is to only message women that are way above your standards. You don't expect them to message you back, so no biggie if they dont, but if they do its a complete bonus. Nothing worse for the esteem than messaging women of or below your standards and not even hearing back.


----------



## pete24

As for me currently, im still with that girl  . 

I havent seen her since I thought about ending it. We have only been exchanging 5 or 6 texts per day and I cant just tell her it's over via text because shes often at work and in a few days shes off to see her mum in hospital who is really ill. Not exactly the best time to be ending it as im going to look like a total d1ck.

What's p1ssed me off too is when we said about starting a relationship, I changed my social networking statuses to "in a relationship", her's is still "single". Also deleted my dating website profile. I had a browse on it yesterday without logging in and shes been on it that day :O.

I cant exactly bring those concerns up can I? because im going to look insecure. Even though i'm not.

Gotta time the ending of things right,

Edit:

and whatyoumustthink don't feel so bad. I had the same thing happen not long ago (Well similar in some ways). Knew this girl, kissed a few times, that was the girl I had my first ever date with, which I screwed up. But we still spoke and had laugh's together for years after. We had similar hobbys and always used to message each other on myspace to ask how we are getting on with them.

Anyway, I guess we stopped using myspace about 5 years ago (maybe longer). Not long back I remembered the account and logged in to see my old, crappy pictures. I saw our old inbox messages and decided to look her up on facebook. Found her, profile said shes single. I added and messaged her and said about the old times, the hobby's, asked how she's getting on.... 

No reply, and never accepted my friend request :/


----------



## bsd3355

I don't know what it is, but I get antsy when I'm not going out meeting girls. Because of that, I'm excited to get back out there and seeing what I can stir up. Plan on going out 3 times this week, at least, and see what I can make of it. Can't wait for the semester to start up. But with the semester starting, that means I'll be a lot busier as well, so I'm wondering if I can find the time between it all. I know the last time I was in this position and, while I did make some effort, I don't think it was the kind of effort I should of put in. At the same time, school is extremely important, so I can mess around with that. I might work more than usual this semester as well to pay for some schooling, so I'm anxious to at least get started moving forward. I feel like I'm twirling my thumbs, but at least making small amount of money waiting.

Have a girl at work that talks to me a lot. It is very apparent she likes me. Not exactly my type though. It's funny watching her at work flirt with all the customers going through the drive through. She'll strike up great conversation and all the guys invest in it nicely but she sucks at asking for number, etc. Lol. It is like her brain is in "woman mode"; not asking and just giving invitations. I even told her one time to just ask for their number or something (probably not good advice at work), but she said she lost a lot of confidence since she had a kid (she's 25). She always talks to me at work and so I just did the number close on myself and gave her my number for the hell of it lol. Funny thing is, she is still playing the passive role lol. I don't know if her phone is messed up or what, but today she finally asked me to hang out tomorrow in person. Haha, it's just funny being on the opposite side of things sometimes. Being the aggressor for so long, it feels weird on the passive side and I actually feel MORE uncomfortable, especially since she comes on strong like a lot of guys probably do to girls and sometimes she makes me uncomfortable at work. I doubt I'll date her. It ran through my head a couple times, but I don't think I will.

I've come to realize that if a girl has made her mind up about liking you, it is pretty darn hard to mess it up. If a girl likes you then you can do very little on all cylinders and not even be that interesting of a person and she'll still want to date you and get to know you. It really is that black and white a lot of times. Most of the time you just show up as yourself, while having your own "baggage", and they'll accept you IF they like you. Sometimes all you have to do is show up and present the opportunity and be yourself. Actually, MOST of the time that's all you have to do. There are no tricks, and I bet a lot of people think they still need to be someone else because they think they didn't present themselves right; when in reality, the girl just didn't like you no matter how you showed up. Being a confident you is the best option, as always. If a girl doesn't like you then she probably wouldn't of like a different presentation of you anyway, so cut your losses.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> As for me currently, im still with that girl  .
> 
> I havent seen her since I thought about ending it. We have only been exchanging 5 or 6 texts per day and I cant just tell her it's over via text because shes often at work and in a few days shes off to see her mum in hospital who is really ill. Not exactly the best time to be ending it as im going to look like a total d1ck.
> 
> What's p1ssed me off too is when we said about starting a relationship, I changed my social networking statuses to "in a relationship", her's is still "single". Also deleted my dating website profile. I had a browse on it yesterday without logging in and shes been on it that day :O.
> 
> I cant exactly bring those concerns up can I? because im going to look insecure. Even though i'm not.
> 
> Gotta time the ending of things right,
> 
> Edit:
> 
> and whatyoumustthink don't feel so bad. I had the same thing happen not long ago (Well similar in some ways). Knew this girl, kissed a few times, that was the girl I had my first ever date with, which I screwed up. But we still spoke and had laugh's together for years after. We had similar hobbys and always used to message each other on myspace to ask how we are getting on with them.
> 
> Anyway, I guess we stopped using myspace about 5 years ago (maybe longer). Not long back I remembered the account and logged in to see my old, crappy pictures. I saw our old inbox messages and decided to look her up on facebook. Found her, profile said shes single. I added and messaged her and said about the old times, the hobby's, asked how she's getting on....
> 
> No reply, and never accepted my friend request :/


Those are clear signs of trouble


----------



## Zeeshan

Yep 

If she doesn't like you...you have nothing in common

If she likes you opposites attract


----------



## srschirm

Welllll guys, I'm happy to report I've had a girlfriend for over a month now!


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> It takes too much effort to find a GF imo. You have to ask a bunch of women for their number, go through tons of rejections before someone gives you their number, hope she doesn't flake and wants to set up a date, go on the date then figure if you're compatible, if not then you have to start over again. Too much work for me but I hope you guys have success


Yeah, dating does take work. This is the process I usually have to go through if I want to find a girl I personally like. It feels worse that I don't take action though, and I've got somewhat accustomed to it. Online I still can't stand though, and I do it seasonally and don't expect much anything from it. In real life I feel like my chances are better, personally.


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Welllll guys, I'm happy to report I've had a girlfriend for over a month now!


Nice going!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, dating does take work. This is the process I usually have to go through if I want to find a girl I personally like. It feels worse that I don't take action though, and I've got somewhat accustomed to it. Online I still can't stand though, and I do it seasonally and don't expect much anything from it. In real life I feel like my chances are better, personally.


I think online can definitely bring exposure.

Exposure reduces anxiety

Besides what exactly is there is to though other then that. I dont have fun in doing anything else, nothing else even matters to me.


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways just an update from me

Earlier in the thread i mentioned S, who i went on dates with last week, and then we talked on the phone last week every night. However on Friday, she was suppose to come over, and made an excuse which i knew was an excuse. She has done this before.

Anyhow i ignored her from that point forward, not wanting to persue anything. I dont want any one unreliable. I just cant take it, it causes too much pain! having to wait for someone else. Yes i like her, but not enough to put up with that. So she started texting me, three different times today, so i got back to her and told her, and she is like well i had to do x y z for my family blah blah, so i left it at that. I think she isnt what i am looking for

The other girl, another S who i mentioned that i shared more pics, i asked her for more pics today. Her face seems allright but i havent seen her body. She doesnt look fat from her face, so she is like to message me today, why dont we meet up instead. Which i am fine for, worse comes to worse, if she is fat (Which i suspect why a person wouldnt share more pick) atleast i will get more exposure. I am all about exposure these days, being exposed has killed my anxiety and i want to even more. So i said fine i will call you tonight. and she is like that works

I call her, and after half a ring i get sent to voicemail ;s. So thats that.

Now for some good news on some self improvements i have been working on. I have lost a ton of body fat, and my face actually looks much better, much more masculine. Also i finally saw the cuts for a six pack, still have some more pain to go. I have also ordered an supplement online that i have read very positive things about. Its for bodybuilding, but a lot of reviewer mentioned aggressive risky behavior which is what i was hoping for.

I have to admit, A is still on my mind, though its almost been a month now since she broke up with me, i still feel down. I have remained no contact, and she hasn't texted or nothing else. I remmember last time she delibarately deleted my number because i think maybe she thought she might get weak and end up messaging me. I think i am still heart broken, i felt like for the first time in my life, i had the one i wanted. It was going so well, Imagine being hungry most of your life, then having nothing but the most amazing food for a month, and then being back to starving

Anyhow thats my little update


----------



## whatyoumustthink

pete24 said:


> and whatyoumustthink don't feel so bad. I had the same thing happen not long ago (Well similar in some ways). Knew this girl, kissed a few times, that was the girl I had my first ever date with, which I screwed up. But we still spoke and had laugh's together for years after. We had similar hobbys and always used to message each other on myspace to ask how we are getting on with them.
> 
> Anyway, I guess we stopped using myspace about 5 years ago (maybe longer). Not long back I remembered the account and logged in to see my old, crappy pictures. I saw our old inbox messages and decided to look her up on facebook. Found her, profile said shes single. I added and messaged her and said about the old times, the hobby's, asked how she's getting on....
> 
> No reply, and never accepted my friend request :/


At least with her, there was a time when she gave you a chance, although that is really ****. I've literally got absolutely nothing but dark memories girl-wise right now, nothing whatsoever. As small as it is, this has taken the ****ing biscuit on top of a long string of abuse and rejection. Noone I know can really relate, feel like I'm in a dark and lonely place right now. I hate it when people say "Find someone new", because when you're as unconventional looking as me, finding someone who's both interested in you and has a compatible personality is 1 in ****ing 10.


----------



## Zeeshan

Her whatsapp she is online

Srsly how messed up are women. I'm seriously pissed off at women now. You ask me out I tell you I'll call tonight you direct it to voicemail

And then are clearly online


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Her whatsapp she is online
> 
> Srsly how messed up are women. I'm seriously pissed off at women now. You ask me out I tell you I'll call tonight you direct it to voicemail
> 
> And then are clearly online


I think what really adds insult to injury is they take you for an idiot when they do stuff like that.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> I think what really adds insult to injury is they take you for an idiot when they do stuff like that.


Lol yeah

Actually she just called now citing she wasn't in her room. It was kind of a pain sticking convo

I feel like I am not funny like I used to be. Maybe that's a good thing BC being funny never got me anywhere

Anyhow we agreed to meet up Saturday. Either she doesn't have too much experience with men or also has some sort of social anxiety

Both things I am all for. Anyways not looking too much into it. Pretty much already accepted all exposure is good exposure


----------



## pete24

I feel back to the drawing board. I just need to end it with that girl, woke up, looked at dating site and again she is online. I shouldnt give a crap about finding the right time to end it because she cant give a crap about me when shes on the dating websites. I guess im too nice in that regard and try to end things in the best way I can.

Anyway, pub for a few beers today, gonna try and look my best, maybe if im lucky a few women will look and smile at me. 

At worst, i'll get home p!ssed off that again iv had no luck at meeting someone in real life and the booze will make me not give a crap about ending it with that girl


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I feel back to the drawing board. I just need to end it with that girl, woke up, looked at dating site and again she is online. I shouldnt give a crap about finding the right time to end it because she cant give a crap about me when shes on the dating websites. I guess im too nice in that regard and try to end things in the best way I can.
> 
> Anyway, pub for a few beers today, gonna try and look my best, maybe if im lucky a few women will look and smile at me.
> 
> At worst, i'll get home p!ssed off that again iv had no luck at meeting someone in real life and the booze will make me not give a crap about ending it with that girl


Hmmm

The question is when after meeting do you expect a girl to get off of POF


----------



## pete24

Right away really, especially when relationship is agreed.

On my day... A few looks off women... single mothers though by the look of em and I pretty much pulled a druggie :/.

Well I was waiting for bus, a bee almost stung me and she started off with "bee's only like sweet thing's". I froze and didnt know what to say back. Then she sat near me on the bus, kept talking non stop. I handled it well 2bh, but if my standards were a 5/10... she would be a 1... or even 1/2 out of 10


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Right away really, especially when relationship is agreed.
> 
> On my day... A few looks off women... single mothers though by the look of em and I pretty much pulled a druggie :/.
> 
> Well I was waiting for bus, a bee almost stung me and she started off with "bee's only like sweet thing's". I froze and didnt know what to say back. Then she sat near me on the bus, kept talking non stop. I handled it well 2bh, but if my standards were a 5/10... she would be a 1... or even 1/2 out of 10


Keep fighting the good fight


----------



## pete24

Yea in some ways it feels worth it, but still, ending it with that 1 girl is key, need to just do it


----------



## bsd3355

*You don't need to do much to get a date*

Every now and then I'll get a number from a girl and she won't remember what I looked like. I think I've had a couple dates in the past when a girl didn't remember what I looked like and where a girl showed up on a date and then after the date didn't talk to me again, and I thought it went well. I think that is the closest evidence that suggests looks mean something lol.

Anyway, I bring this up because I met this super cute girl a couple months ago on campus. She was visiting from Oxford, Ohio and looking to go to school at the campus I live by. School is starting up again soon so I decided to text her after not texting her for a month. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she doesnt. She asked me and I said I don't have a girlfriend. She said that's good news and that we should hang out next week when she comes to move in the dorms on campus.

Not that I'm really that concerned about how I look to this girl, but it makes me curious if she remembers what I look like? If so, then it goes to show that some girls don't look at dates as anything special sometimes, and that you really don't have to present yourself in any special light, just be on her "preference list", w/e list that is exactly. I did nothing special with this girl, hardly talked to her, texted her, hardly got to know her, etc., and then I just flat out asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said no and wants to meet now. We are basically strangers. I am curious if she remembers what I look like. But, still, it just goes to show you don't have to do anything special, and just ask and that's good enough. I texted this girl a total of probably 10 times in the last 2-3 months because I had no interest in texting so much if she was so far away and all I wanted to do was date her. I'm not going to build up investment on my end if the girl just flakes in the long run. That's stupid. So I waited till close to the semester and picked up where I left off 2 months ago, and that's all you have to do.

Basically, it really is that simple sometimes: "Hey, you are cute"...."Let's hang out"....done. Honestly, it SHOULD be that simple. It shouldn't be a masquerade or a huge build up for a simple date. It depends on the person, but I assume most women are comfortable to meet up after a very brief chat, if the meet up is public and casual. Therefore, the value of this post is to not put so much importance on things and just ask and it SHOULD be good enough if you meet her preference list. This is what makes dating easy. And this is why you don't need to beat around the bush; you shouldn't have to. If you are always yourself and present yourself that way then that's good enough, and if you match her preference list then all is well and it is hard to mess things up at that point unless you are just a horrible person. But if you don't meet her preference list then no matter how much you try to change her mind, you are going to be battling an uphill battle that likely won't do anything.


----------



## pete24

OMG I did it peeps... ended it with her... was bad though.

She was joking via txt etc.... then when I ended it, got the arse and told me the feeling's mutual...

:O :O :O


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Every now and then I'll get a number from a girl and she won't remember what I looked like. I think I've had a couple dates in the past when a girl didn't remember what I looked like and where a girl showed up on a date and then after the date didn't talk to me again, and I thought it went well. I think that is the closest evidence that suggests looks mean something lol.
> 
> Anyway, I bring this up because I met this super cute girl a couple months ago on campus. She was visiting from Oxford, Ohio and looking to go to school at the campus I live by. School is starting up again soon so I decided to text her after not texting her for a month. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she doesnt. She asked me and I said I don't have a girlfriend. She said that's good news and that we should hang out next week when she comes to move in the dorms on campus.
> 
> Not that I'm really that concerned about how I look to this girl, but it makes me curious if she remembers what I look like? If so, then it goes to show that some girls don't look at dates as anything special sometimes, and that you really don't have to present yourself in any special light, just be on her "preference list", w/e list that is exactly. I did nothing special with this girl, hardly talked to her, texted her, hardly got to know her, etc., and then I just flat out asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said no and wants to meet now. We are basically strangers. I am curious if she remembers what I look like. But, still, it just goes to show you don't have to do anything special, and just ask and that's good enough. I texted this girl a total of probably 10 times in the last 2-3 months because I had no interest in texting so much if she was so far away and all I wanted to do was date her. I'm not going to build up investment on my end if the girl just flakes in the long run. That's stupid. So I waited till close to the semester and picked up where I left off 2 months ago, and that's all you have to do.
> 
> Basically, it really is that simple sometimes: "Hey, you are cute"...."Let's hang out"....done. Honestly, it SHOULD be that simple. It shouldn't be a masquerade or a huge build up for a simple date. It depends on the person, but I assume most women are comfortable to meet up after a very brief chat, if the meet up is public and casual. Therefore, the value of this post is to not put so much importance on things and just ask and it SHOULD be good enough if you meet her preference list. This is what makes dating easy. And this is why you don't need to beat around the bush; you shouldn't have to. If you are always yourself and present yourself that way then that's good enough, and if you match her preference list then all is well and it is hard to mess things up at that point unless you are just a horrible person. But if you don't meet her preference list then no matter how much you try to change her mind, you are going to be battling an uphill battle that likely won't do anything.


I think that by asking her if she had a boyfriend you hit the commitment part of the brain

For many women commitment is super hot. Depends on the girl though

Yes I agree even a kiss


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> OMG I did it peeps... ended it with her... was bad though.
> 
> She was joking via txt etc.... then when I ended it, got the arse and told me the feeling's mutual...
> 
> :O :O :O


Good for you bro

Besides what did you expect her to say righ


----------



## Zeeshan

So S called me and I'm meeting her in a bit. We will see how it goes

I was gonna have some wings today anyways


----------



## pete24

Yea your right. It seriously fkin blew up... you wont believe the heated text messages and I feel so ill.

She actually got really nasty to start with, telling me I didnt bring it up before. But how the hell could I? There was never a right time, she was out with mates, she was at hospital, even at work... how can I say "oh yea, by the way your dumped" ?

Then its the usual upset girl crap of im not as perfect as I think I am and im not always right like I think (I never once suggested either).

Then when she was digging deeper I told her. It's hardly nice when we are in the bedroom and shes telling me about an ex doing a certain thing to her while he was doing something else to her. Alas she then twist's it round saying it was me who started it. WTF? She started it, then after I had a little non past related joke (not gonna say it incase she browses this forum, but its minor), she then told me some bloke was doing her on the kitchen table.... Theres a huge different between us having a fictional joke and her telling me reality that happened with other men.

Then she says she cant deal with texting anymore cause shes really upset.

Then she texts more stuff for me to reply to, claims the reason she kept on telling me about what she did with ex's and kept on asking what I have done was because she saw me as "more than a F***".

The you wont guess this...

Shes telling me its perfectly natural for a couple to talk about their ex's and what they have done with their ex's. She was making it out as if Im just some weird, odd 1 out who doesnt talk about them. Who the F*** gets in a new relationship and a week later says "Ah yea, I remember that 1 time, my ex bent me over the kitchen table".

It was made out to be that she was only wanting to be honest and take an interest in me and that im way out of order.

Each time I reply im told im upsetting her, but then she replies with utter bullcrap so I have to reply... and then she claims it's upsetting her again.

Thoughts guys?



Edit.... omg... her final reply "I hate you"... wtf? Put it this way, iv been with women that wont explain reasons, they will just give the line "I cant be in a relationship, that's it", I have been with women who have just stopped messaging me, ignored all texts and blocked me. I cant ever recall once having any explanation off a woman, every time it was like im brushed under the carpet.... now I tell things honestly, gave my reasons, gave her chance to explain and actually spoke for a while about it and i'm basically the scum of the earth :/


----------



## Corvus Cowl

pete24 said:


> Yea your right. It seriously fkin blew up... you wont believe the heated text messages and I feel so ill.
> 
> She actually got really nasty to start with, telling me I didnt bring it up before. But how the hell could I? There was never a right time, she was out with mates, she was at hospital, even at work... how can I say "oh yea, by the way your dumped" ?
> 
> Then its the usual upset girl crap of im not as perfect as I think I am and im not always right like I think (I never once suggested either).
> 
> Then when she was digging deeper I told her. It's hardly nice when we are in the bedroom and shes telling me about an ex doing a certain thing to her while he was doing something else to her. Alas she then twist's it round saying it was me who started it. WTF? She started it, then after I had a little non past related joke (not gonna say it incase she browses this forum, but its minor), she then told me some bloke was doing her on the kitchen table.... Theres a huge different between us having a fictional joke and her telling me reality that happened with other men.
> 
> Then she says she cant deal with texting anymore cause shes really upset.
> 
> Then she texts more stuff for me to reply to, claims the reason she kept on telling me about what she did with ex's and kept on asking what I have done was because she saw me as "more than a F***".
> 
> The you wont guess this...
> 
> Shes telling me its perfectly natural for a couple to talk about their ex's and what they have done with their ex's. She was making it out as if Im just some weird, odd 1 out who doesnt talk about them. Who the F*** gets in a new relationship and a week later says "Ah yea, I remember that 1 time, my ex bent me over the kitchen table".
> 
> It was made out to be that she was only wanting to be honest and take an interest in me and that im way out of order.
> 
> Each time I reply im told im upsetting her, but then she replies with utter bullcrap so I have to reply... and then she claims it's upsetting her again.
> 
> Thoughts guys?
> 
> Edit.... omg... her final reply "I hate you"... wtf? Put it this way, iv been with women that wont explain reasons, they will just give the line "I cant be in a relationship, that's it", I have been with women who have just stopped messaging me, ignored all texts and blocked me. I cant ever recall once having any explanation off a woman, every time it was like im brushed under the carpet.... now I tell things honestly, gave my reasons, gave her chance to explain and actually spoke for a while about it and i'm basically the scum of the earth :/


Dude you dodged a pretty big bullet. The way she's reacting screams "It's my way or I'm going to f***ing kill you!" And common, how could you feel bad for dumping a chick who talks about all of these other guys and how they pleasured her?

Just think of it this way: It's done, and you can move on.


----------



## pete24

Yea your right there.

Thing is, I guess from the way she was acting it made me think that perhaps im being unreasonable and maybe there isnt any big deal about talking about ex's in that way.

But, your right, I know completely that its not acceptable and shouldn't doubt that. 

Probably will take a few days to get the wtf feeling out of my head. Worse that she tried justifying it and then claimed im the person in the wrong.

Actually the thing I had as a past joke (after she spoke about what she did with other men) was me saying, if she hears the bed squeaking at her mum and dad's, then she knows what they are up to. 

Worrying that she may go off telling her mates or people some twisted versions of the truth. Just who the hell thinks talking about what they did with an ex in detail is acceptable? Im sure if any of us guys on here mentioned to any woman we were with about what we did with an ex in detail, the woman would end it on the spot


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Well have you seen her bf on Facebook. What kind of a guy is he? A lot of girls just like the attention even though they are on a relationship
> 
> Personally I wouldn't ask her for lunch right now BC that's an easy easy way to give her what she wants n end up in the friends zone
> 
> She is def attracted to you. So what you should do....if you are really interested....is to tell this friend that you aren't interested in her and maybe even a little repulsed by her. That will even get her fires burning even further!


Dude, I lurked on her FB page after I got home from work and.................................she's now single 

Don't know if that's a green light or wha

Edit:

So I sent her this

"how come you didn't tell me that you're my friend on here lol"

I'm nervous as hell whether she'll respond or not. Plus i'll see her tomorrow :afr


----------



## Zeeshan

Corvus Cowl said:


> Dude you dodged a pretty big bullet. The way she's reacting screams "It's my way or I'm going to f***ing kill you!" And common, how could you feel bad for dumping a chick who talks about all of these other guys and how they pleasured her?
> 
> Just think of it this way: It's done, and you can move on.


+1 Pete

She is def not wife material


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Dude, I lurked on her FB page after I got home from work and.................................she's now single
> 
> Don't know if that's a green light or what


That maybe a window

Possible she was going to break up with this guy anyways. Strike while the iron is hot play


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So S called me and I'm meeting her in a bit. We will see how it goes
> 
> I was gonna have some wings today anyways


Meh

Good date not great ended up making out in the back seat so she is like stopping me every time I try to put my hands down there

So then after wards she is like what n I'm like how about a b*** *** and she just bursts out into laughter

Night ended with More heavy making out but no satisfaction

Note: I can't believe I asked for it lol


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Dude, I lurked on her FB page after I got home from work and.................................she's now single
> 
> Don't know if that's a green light or wha
> 
> Edit:
> 
> So I sent her this
> 
> "how come you didn't tell me that you're my friend on here lol"
> 
> I'm nervous as hell whether she'll respond or not. Plus i'll see her tomorrow :afr


Dude please please go strong to the hoop


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Dude please please go strong to the hoop


She responded......

"Mmmm! I don't know! Did I have to tell you?"

Edit:

I'm actually having a convo with her right now, anxiety is through the roof lol

Edit 2:

NVM


----------



## pete24

Hah, I had some dream that felt it was real.

Was at this amazing girl's place, she was smoking hot, exactly my type, really sweet. Was getting along with her family really well....

Then I F*****g woke up


----------



## Brandeezy

So the FB convo with M went ok, I told her what days I was off trying to give her an hint and she said "I have Thursday off too, i hope you have fun on your days off". We talked some more then I ended it with a 3 word response to see if she'll keep the convo going, which gives me the impression that she's interested but I don't think she is unfortunately :/


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So the FB convo with M went ok, I told her what days I was off trying to give her an hint and she said "I have Thursday off too, i hope you have fun on your days off". We talked some more then I ended it with a 3 word response to see if she'll keep the convo going, which gives me the impression that she's interested but I don't think she is unfortunately :/


Since you cant be sure you should try anyways


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Hah, I had some dream that felt it was real.
> 
> Was at this amazing girl's place, she was smoking hot, exactly my type, really sweet. Was getting along with her family really well....
> 
> Then I F*****g woke up


Lol I also had a dream of meeting a girl who was my type at a bar


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Since you cant be sure you should try anyways


I'm talking to her right now on FB chat. She comes in for work in a couple hrs too


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I'm talking to her right now on FB chat. She comes in for work in a couple hrs too


Good luck


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Good luck


Thx, so i only saw her for a couple seconds because she was on the checkstand. I smiled and said "hey" and she did the same, im gonna wait a day to see if she messages me anything, if not then "oh well" another one lost. I'm not going to force her to be nice and talk to me


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Thx, so i only saw her for a couple seconds because she was on the checkstand. I smiled and said "hey" and she did the same, im gonna wait a day to see if she messages me anything, if not then "oh well" another one lost. I'm not going to force her to be nice and talk to me


Are you serious?? Not gonna happen you gotta be a man and ask her out. And in person


----------



## Corvus Cowl

lol I might just be fickle, because I just lost interest in this girl I had the hots for. She used to smile at me and complement me, but now she is just kinda meh all of the sudden (maybe she's just having issues, as I remember her being behind in her quota for work), plus I kinda wanna just improve on my current living situations before getting into a relationship.

Oh well time to move on 

Edit: Actually, the more I think about it, I know why I was turned off: She seems bipolar in that one day she's happy and another she seems outta place, and when she's happy she seems super hyper, like a 20 red bull-binge drinking hyper. I guess I would like someone who's not so... random (oh the irony using that word to describe a how a person acts :teeth ).


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Are you serious?? Not gonna happen you gotta be a man and ask her out. And in person


It would've been awkward to ask her out while she was dealing with customers, plus her shift started just before I left. I also think she's only talking to me because she's a nice person, has a flirty personality, and she's my co-worker. Like I said before she was flirting with me while she was with her BF so I think it's just her personality. Also when we were messaging, I had to do the talking. She only asked me a question once and the rest was me trying to keep her talking. But I have to stop believing that every girl who smiles and talks to me is interested.

*Update:*

So it seems like I'm thinking to much, she ended up messaging me on her lunch break asking what I was doing, then a couple times while she was working. I guess she is interested


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> It would've been awkward to ask her out while she was dealing with customers, plus her shift started just before I left. I also think she's only talking to me because she's a nice person, has a flirty personality, and she's my co-worker. Like I said before she was flirting with me while she was with her BF so I think it's just her personality. Also when we were messaging, I had to do the talking. She only asked me a question once and the rest was me trying to keep her talking. But I have to stop believing that every girl who smiles and talks to me is interested.


Listen man girls are not used to chasing guys. She has given you a super positive go ahead by asking your friend about you

You need to man up. I think that your real problem is not that she would say no its what would you do if she said yes

You know what If you don't ask out of fear that you will be refused you have already refused yourself


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Found this thread from bb.com to be helpful on how to get girls.:http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=125622273


----------



## huh

I've activated my online dating profile again and I've been trying to put myself in more uncomfortable social situations to try to meet people. All that I've managed to do so far is make myself more depressed though. It's too difficult to meet people when you don't already have some kind of a social circle.


----------



## bsd3355

*Dumb reasons why you shouldn't talk to girls*

Dumb reasons why you shouldn't talk to girls:






Here is the link just in case some moderator decides to delete it:


----------



## Corvus Cowl

bwidger85 said:


> Dumb reasons why you shouldn't talk to girls:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here is the link just in case some moderator decides to delete it:


10/10! :clap


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Listen man girls are not used to chasing guys. She has given you a super positive go ahead by asking your friend about you
> 
> You need to man up. I think that your real problem is not that she would say no its what would you do if she said yes
> 
> You know what If you don't ask out of fear that you will be refused you have already refused yourself


Well today she told me that she'll make me fried tacos any time I want. I told her I feel special then she said.....

"You Are "

 Kinda in shock right now. I wanted to say "You are too " but I'm nervous


----------



## pete24

Decided im done with the trying to get a girl now.

Was on some dating site earlier, had 3 or 4 replies, just couldnt be bothered if im honest though. Feels like too much hassle at the moment getting to know them, thinking up good things to say and arranging to meet.

Might give it a month and try again


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Well today she told me that she'll make me fried tacos any time I want. I told her I feel special then she said.....
> 
> "You Are "
> 
> Kinda in shock right now. I wanted to say "You are too " but I'm nervous


Dude you need to strike while the iron is hot


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Dude you need to strike while the iron is hot


We're suppose to go on a date/hangout together soon. I don't know when though, she says she wants to get to know me more


----------



## pete24

:O :O :O This girl who works at my local shop is sooooooooooooooooo hot. Quite slim, some very light cute freckles, amazing smile.

Cant tell weather she likes me or is just being friendly as she does to every customer. I always get a really nice smile off her.

Havent long come back from the shop and she was working today . I tried making a bit of a conversation. Wasnt much but still.

It's so much harder trying to chat up someone who works in a shop because they have to be nice as it's their job.

Might just let this 1 go. I could take small steps and build more of a convo each time I go there, but she doesnt always work there . 

Equally I can't just say "You fancy a drink sometime?" cause if it's a no, I wont ever go there again. Theres no other shops for about an hours walk either .

I feel annoyed at myself though. Now i'm home I have thought up loads of things I could of said. Like I was buying alcohol and said about it being a hot day so a few cold beer's are much needed. She said something like she agrees and she wished she wasnt working. I should of asked what time she finished or joked saying id let her have some if she wasnt working..grrr


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> :O :O :O This girl who works at my local shop is sooooooooooooooooo hot. Quite slim, some very light cute freckles, amazing smile.
> 
> Cant tell weather she likes me or is just being friendly as she does to every customer. I always get a really nice smile off her.
> 
> Havent long come back from the shop and she was working today . I tried making a bit of a conversation. Wasnt much but still.
> 
> It's so much harder trying to chat up someone who works in a shop because they have to be nice as it's their job.
> 
> Might just let this 1 go. I could take small steps and build more of a convo each time I go there, but she doesnt always work there .
> 
> Equally I can't just say "You fancy a drink sometime?" cause if it's a no, I wont ever go there again. Theres no other shops for about an hours walk either .
> 
> I feel annoyed at myself though. Now i'm home I have thought up loads of things I could of said. Like I was buying alcohol and said about it being a hot day so a few cold beer's are much needed. She said something like she agrees and she wished she wasnt working. I should of asked what time she finished or joked saying id let her have some if she wasnt working..grrr


Why couldn't you go there again if sh
e says no?


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Is it just me or does ignoring girls seem to spike their interests? I could be wrong but for some reason It got me thinking that for some women it might work to act indifferent or ignoring her?


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Why couldn't you go there again if sh
> e says no?


Because i'll feel like a total idiot.

The thing with people is they can get pretty *****y. Like let's say she has no interest in me and thinks im an ugly loser. If im turned down, she could say to friends or other people that work in the shop when they see me "Oh, theres that ugly loser, cant believe he thought he had a chance with me".

It's happened before, like when I approached this girl I saw about a few times. I didnt know at the time but her type is "badboy's" with big muscles and tattoo's. I was kicked down and was completely embarrassed.

If i'm out of town and have a chance to approach, I don't mind so much as I never have to talk to them again if it goes wrong.

The only time I will make a move in that way with a local girl is if i'm friends with her first. Then I at least get an idea before if she will be interested in me in that way


----------



## IcedOver

I've been posting on these boards about the two women who contacted me because of shared "interests". The second one, in whom I am less interested from a physical standpoint and interest standpoint (although I have not yet viewed her photo or anything) I thought had flaked, as she hadn't contacted me for two weeks. Surprisingly, she got back to me on Wednesday and said she's just been very busy with her job and other things. If she doesn't flake out again, we may go to lunch next week. It's just annoying that someone can't find a second to shoot an e-mail to say that they are busy and can't talk this week or that week when we were having an ongoing conversation.

It appears that the relationship with the woman I had actually met in person is probably over. I posted the other day about how I had made a new CL ad partly to catch her should she have been lying about her ex coming back. She replied _through that ad_, saying "[My name]? Is that you?" I'm kicking myself now for not playing around with her and saying "What are you talking about?" or something. Instead, I said it was me, and she went into this whole thing about receiving messages from women with the same interest on another site and wondering if I wanted her to refer them to me, which I found insulting and cheesy. I said something a little stupid about it and she possibly took offense in her reply. Basically, the gist of what she's saying is that, while her ex coming back is the main reason she canceled on our firm plans to have a rendezvous, she was looking for someone who was similar to someone she dates who just happens to be into this fetish, and that she is very picky about who she would date (and implied that I'm not her type, which I already knew, and she's not mine). I replied that that is the wrong set of rules and parameters to have, that the interest should be enough. She also said that, should she become single, she probably wouldn't be interested in finding anyone for this. I kind of begged a little bit for her to consider contacting me should she find herself single, but she hasn't replied at all and probably won't.

It just is bugging me very much that I don't know whether she is lying or what. I watched a small piece on HLN the other day about how women can lie so easily, much more easily than men, and that may be the case with this situation.


----------



## Zeeshan

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Is it just me or does ignoring girls seem to spike their interests? I could be wrong but for some reason It got me thinking that for some women it might work to act indifferent or ignoring her?


There must be pre established interest. For example of you flirt with someone and then all of a sudden ignore them etc


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> I've been posting on these boards about the two women who contacted me because of shared "interests". The second one, in whom I am less interested from a physical standpoint and interest standpoint (although I have not yet viewed her photo or anything) I thought had flaked, as she hadn't contacted me for two weeks. Surprisingly, she got back to me on Wednesday and said she's just been very busy with her job and other things. If she doesn't flake out again, we may go to lunch next week. It's just annoying that someone can't find a second to shoot an e-mail to say that they are busy and can't talk this week or that week when we were having an ongoing conversation.
> 
> It appears that the relationship with the woman I had actually met in person is probably over. I posted the other day about how I had made a new CL ad partly to catch her should she have been lying about her ex coming back. She replied _through that ad_, saying "[My name]? Is that you?" I'm kicking myself now for not playing around with her and saying "What are you talking about?" or something. Instead, I said it was me, and she went into this whole thing about receiving messages from women with the same interest on another site and wondering if I wanted her to refer them to me, which I found insulting and cheesy. I said something a little stupid about it and she possibly took offense in her reply. Basically, the gist of what she's saying is that, while her ex coming back is the main reason she canceled on our firm plans to have a rendezvous, she was looking for someone who was similar to someone she dates who just happens to be into this fetish, and that she is very picky about who she would date (and implied that I'm not her type, which I already knew, and she's not mine). I replied that that is the wrong set of rules and parameters to have, that the interest should be enough. She also said that, should she become single, she probably wouldn't be interested in finding anyone for this. I kind of begged a little bit for her to consider contacting me should she find herself single, but she hasn't replied at all and probably won't.
> 
> It just is bugging me very much that I don't know whether she is lying or what. I watched a small piece on HLN the other day about how women can lie so easily, much more easily than men, and that may be the case with this situation.


Well sounds like she is at least with holding something back. I don't believe the ex moving back stuff

I think she met you and for one reason or another she got a vibe that you wanted a relationship maybe its BC your unattached


----------



## IcedOver

^^Actually, it's her who is looking for the relationship, not me. I didn't want to date her, and when we talked on the phone she specifically wanted reassurance that I didn't want this to be a dating situation. Now she is saying that she was looking all along for someone who would be exactly like guys she usually dates who would just happen to be into this interest, something she now realizes may not be possible (i.e., she's essentially saying that she did not find me appealing beyond having the same fetish). This is also an inescapably sexual interest for her, much more than it is for me, so I guess attraction to the guy is important for her as sex would be a possibility. She said I was "very nice," which is probably code for "I only date jerkoffs" (as she is kind of a sardonic, jerky person herself). She is naive when it comes to this "scene", never having before revealed this interest outside of a small number of chats online. As a result, she's setting these unrealistic expectations, and I've told her so. 

I think she is probably back with the ex, but it's nagging the idea that she could be lying. I actually hope she is dating this guy and not lying, so that when/if they break up, she may think that she wants to try this again and contact me. I've probably messed it up with some comments I've made, though.


----------



## Brandeezy

I want to ask "M" for her number since this FB chat thing is getting on my nerves because sometimes she doesn't see the message until hours later. Texting seems a whole lot easier, but I don't want to ask her over fb chat because it seems like i'm scared to ask in person. Problem is that she works today and I don't. I won't be able to see her until 8am tomorrow so I don't know if I should wait or not.

Update:

I ended up doing it :afr she hasn't replied yet but I think she's gonna give it to me. I don't know why she would suggest that we should hangout and she won't give me her number.


----------



## bsd3355

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Is it just me or does ignoring girls seem to spike their interests? I could be wrong but for some reason It got me thinking that for some women it might work to act indifferent or ignoring her?


No, it doesn't do much good. If it does garner attention from girls you are attracted to, it is likely it is because they feel comfortable to talk with you because they don't see you as a sexual threat, but that is under a friend-zone context and nothing else. That, or they already liked you and they then decided to make a move because oyu aren't (not good to do because you gamble one a girl's approach). If you want to attract a girl, ignoring her is definitely the wrong move. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about. You are always better to go after what you want. Trust me on this one.

The only context where this would work is if you are complete strangers, or know very little about each other. So, say, you walk into a bar and there are girls there. Being social with your friends and people around you while appearing like you are having a good time and you are upbeat and confident and all that, from an outsider's view (the girl) she is likely to see you as more "valuable" now, but if you aren't her physical type then it doesn't really matter too, too much. Social proof stuff. It beats going into a bar alone and not talking to anyone and brooding--she is likely to see you under a different context then. Social proof can be used anywhere really, but I don't think it is really that necessary. It can work wonders at a party. I know it sounds gamey, but you make those judgments on people all the time on how they act too, so it's just human nature. I'd rather just approach personally.


----------



## pete24

Anyone know if its a good idea to message this girl from a while back?

- Spoke to on POF ages ago (probably a year ago)
- She replied, we exchanged numbers
- I remember at some point we were close to meeting, well I think it was more like I suggested meeting at some point, she said yea, but then always seemed to be busy when I asked if she was free.
- I got into a relationship, eventually it went tits up.
- Went back on dating site, made new account, saw she was on it still, we started talking again (she didnt know I was in a relationship). This time there was no talking via txt messages, just a bit of a chat on POF.
- Once again I ended up dating some other girl.
- Now checked POF and shes still on it (well shows her as online this week).

Both times she didnt know I was dating someone and there is a huge catch to this girl.

Did some investigating and came across her facebook page. She is stunning, but theres several huge red flag's .

Shes 35 but massively into her clubbing and drinking still. Gets wrecked about twice a week (Clubbers are not usually my type)

Shes seems way too outgoing, she has loads of friends. Easily 50 that she sees quite often (Compared to me having 0)

Some of the people she hangs around with are not exactly the nicest people in society. In the pictures I saw some drug dealers (she doesnt do drugs), people on drugs and people that I knew of when I was younger that I didnt get on with because I wasnt the outgoing type. If we ever did get together, im in no doubt it wouldnt be long before they tell her what a loser I am. I know at least 2 of them will be filling her head with crap right away


What should I do?? Message her, say about getting round to having a drink, try to arrange a date and if it doesnt happen, forget about ever meeting her?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Anyone know if its a good idea to message this girl from a while back?
> 
> - Spoke to on POF ages ago (probably a year ago)
> - She replied, we exchanged numbers
> - I remember at some point we were close to meeting, well I think it was more like I suggested meeting at some point, she said yea, but then always seemed to be busy when I asked if she was free.
> - I got into a relationship, eventually it went tits up.
> - Went back on dating site, made new account, saw she was on it still, we started talking again (she didnt know I was in a relationship). This time there was no talking via txt messages, just a bit of a chat on POF.
> - Once again I ended up dating some other girl.
> - Now checked POF and shes still on it (well shows her as online this week).
> 
> Both times she didnt know I was dating someone and there is a huge catch to this girl.
> 
> Did some investigating and came across her facebook page. She is stunning, but theres several huge red flag's .
> 
> Shes 35 but massively into her clubbing and drinking still. Gets wrecked about twice a week (Clubbers are not usually my type)
> 
> Shes seems way too outgoing, she has loads of friends. Easily 50 that she sees quite often (Compared to me having 0)
> 
> Some of the people she hangs around with are not exactly the nicest people in society. In the pictures I saw some drug dealers (she doesnt do drugs), people on drugs and people that I knew of when I was younger that I didnt get on with because I wasnt the outgoing type. If we ever did get together, im in no doubt it wouldnt be long before they tell her what a loser I am. I know at least 2 of them will be filling her head with crap right away
> 
> What should I do?? Message her, say about getting round to having a drink, try to arrange a date and if it doesnt happen, forget about ever meeting her?


Well are you trying to get laid or get a gf

BC she doesn't sound like the GF type. Usually women at that age who haven't settled down but have a billion friends have a few issues.

Personally I don't want that anymore I want a soft sweet girl who is wife material even if that means sacrificing looks a little

I think by the sounds of it she is the type to play but not stay


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Well are you trying to get laid or get a gf
> 
> BC she doesn't sound like the GF type. Usually women at that age who haven't settled down but have a billion friends have a few issues.
> 
> Personally I don't want that anymore I want a soft sweet girl who is wife material even if that means sacrificing looks a little
> 
> I think by the sounds of it she is the type to play but not stay


Ahh damn. Thanks for the reply though . I think your right.

It could well be all sorts of things, like if she never really got out of the clubbing lifestyle, men her age would nearly all be taken apart from the remaining male friends around her age that went down the drug path and so havent settled down.

I'm the same as you with just wanting a sweet girl, I think its at the time for me though where I cant sacrifice looks because I have done that too many times before. Been with some that have had amazing personality's but got bored too soon because I didnt fancy them much.

I should just let it go with this girl, on 1 side of things everything you say makes sense. On the other, im thinking what if she got into a good, stable relationship, perhaps it wont be her thing anymore if she properly settled down.

But then it's the case of her mates. I know the sort they are and know of a lot of them. Because i'm not the muscley type like them i'll have the p1ss taken out of me constantly.

They are the type of men to have dig's at anyone who isnt a long term member in their group, so if anything did happen, id never want to meet her friends :/


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Ahh damn. Thanks for the reply though . I think your right.
> 
> It could well be all sorts of things, like if she never really got out of the clubbing lifestyle, men her age would nearly all be taken apart from the remaining male friends around her age that went down the drug path and so havent settled down.
> 
> I'm the same as you with just wanting a sweet girl, I think its at the time for me though where I cant sacrifice looks because I have done that too many times before. Been with some that have had amazing personality's but got bored too soon because I didnt fancy them much.
> 
> I should just let it go with this girl, on 1 side of things everything you say makes sense. On the other, im thinking what if she got into a good, stable relationship, perhaps it wont be her thing anymore if she properly settled down.
> 
> But then it's the case of her mates. I know the sort they are and know of a lot of them. Because i'm not the muscley type like them i'll have the p1ss taken out of me constantly.
> 
> They are the type of men to have dig's at anyone who isnt a long term member in their group, so if anything did happen, id never want to meet her friends :/


I know what your thinking

I can give you three reasons

1) your gonna have trouble trusting her.if she is out getting down 3 or 4 nights a week there is going to be guys hitting her up. You really want to get into that?

2) 35 is pretty old. Actually they recommend not even to have kids after that. She might hit menopause soon so chances are you can't start a family with her

3) if she is pretty how many guys you think have already tried that.

Your just on the rebound look for 23 to 26 and someone with a strong relationship history.


----------



## Brandeezy

Movie date Thursday


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Movie date Thursday


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


>


Lol long time no see, welcome back


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Movie date Thursday


All right

So I guess you can never cry on here again how you can never get a date in the history of time

Just be sure to make some physical contact.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

*Sigh* Right...

So once again, I gave that "Try adding someone new with mutual friends thing" on Facebook a go. This time, it was a girl one of my best friends (also female) and her boyfriend know at uni. We both like video games, seemed cool, I thought "Hey, why not?"

Again, she ignored it.

What the ****?? I don't know if it's just bad luck lately or I'm getting uglier. I preferred it when people were a bit experimental, tried accepting someone and seeing what they were like... I feel ****ing useless to be honest.


----------



## Zeeshan

RenegadeReloaded said:


> Just don't do exercises that put pressure on your spinal column. You might regret it later for not being tall enough.
> 
> Your diet seems to be ok for a hardgainer, but what about your training program ? Write it here. Also a pic would be great for a reasonable feedback from us.


I just think your going about this all wrong. Maybe if you had asked your mutual friend first it would have been better


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> I just think your going about this all wrong. Maybe if you had asked your mutual friend first it would have been better


Guessing that was to me even though another guy was quoted, lol. Maybe so... I didn't think it was a good idea telling anyone (same goes for last time). I don't like telling people about my interest in somebody until at least when I'm making progress. I just sort of don't trust that she wouldn't say something that would put her off, plunge into it too fast or make her not take me seriously. From my past experiences, even when your friends have good intentions, if they in any way try to "engineer" the relationship or tell them something about you, it seems to go wrong (often because the girl knows you're desperate, or they expose too many things about your personality). I'd hate it if she tried really hard to "set us up", that kind of thing would put her off big time. She also... doesn't know how much this sort of thing means to me, because I don't tell anyone to be honest. I didn't want to piss her off by making her think I was just using her friend or something either.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> Guessing that was to me even though another guy was quoted, lol. Maybe so... I didn't think it was a good idea telling anyone (same goes for last time). I don't like telling people about my interest in somebody until at least when I'm making progress. I just sort of don't trust that she wouldn't say something that would put her off, plunge into it too fast or make her not take me seriously. From my past experiences, even when your friends have good intentions, if they in any way try to "engineer" the relationship or tell them something about you, it seems to go wrong (often because the girl knows you're desperate, or they expose too many things about your personality). I'd hate it if she tried really hard to "set us up", that kind of thing would put her off big time. She also... doesn't know how much this sort of thing means to me, because I don't tell anyone to be honest.


Most women love to play matchmaker


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Most women love to play matchmaker


I'd agree with that, but they have a tendency to say the wrong things to their friends or just set ANYONE up without any kind of evidence of compatibility. Maybe I'm cynical because my past experiences with this have all been like that. One time, an old female friend told me this friend of her's was "really into me" and tried to set us up. It completely failed, and her friend didn't care at all. Another time, my friend tried to set me up with a girl who didn't even care. After an awkward conversation, she admitted "She only likes hot men... JLS and stuff." I was like "Well, why the **** did you think it would work then??"


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> I just think your going about this all wrong. Maybe if you had asked your mutual friend first it would have been better


Yea, I agree.

Randomly adding chick's because they have a mutual friend doesnt really work.... Iv been there before. Added 3 or 4 and the next day I opened my FB account only to find out they had reported me for adding them when they dont know me.

Speak to your mutual friend, ask about her, try and see if you can meet that friend and they can invite that girl out too.... then add her to FB if it's all good that night


----------



## pete24

Limbo land again for me. Town and the pub tomorrow or Tuesday. Going out with zero expectations though because if after 10 years (since age of 20) of going to town once or twice a week in the daytime I havent met any women, it's highly unlikely I will tomorrow or tues.

Hell just worked out some maths. A minimum of 520 visits to town during the day in 10 years. Never had interaction with any random girl during the visits, so the chance is slim.

Will try and get myself looking my best though, stubble, styled hair, clean clothes, nice aftershave and may try and look/smile at a few women to see what happens


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Limbo land again for me. Town and the pub tomorrow or Tuesday. Going out with zero expectations though because if after 10 years (since age of 20) of going to town once or twice a week in the daytime I havent met any women, it's highly unlikely I will tomorrow or tues.
> 
> Hell just worked out some maths. A minimum of 520 visits to town during the day in 10 years. Never had interaction with any random girl during the visits, so the chance is slim.
> 
> Will try and get myself looking my best though, stubble, styled hair, clean clothes, nice aftershave and may try and look/smile at a few women to see what happens


I dunno man - maybe going to some dingy pub during the week at daytime isn't the best option for meeting women. What about going out on the weekend? Or talking to girls during the day at other places, like at bookstores, mall, etc.?


----------



## Brandeezy

I think I'm thinking too much but "M" told me to text her later today after talking to her before leaving work. I did about 2 hrs later and she responded twice then stopped, so I text her again after she got off work around 10:40 pm then she sent me an text and didn't respond to my reply. Usually she'll text me "Goodnight " or something similar before I go to bed so If she lost interest I don't know why. Like I said before, she was the one to set up our date this week. ask for a picture of me for her phone and said that she was going to cook for me. I was on FB before I went to sleep and saw she was on but it said her mobile device had been idle for an hour so maybe she fell asleep? Should I be worried? I don't really want to lose this one and start back at zero again :/


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Brandeezy said:


> I think I'm thinking too much but "M" told me to text her later today after talking to her before leaving work. I did about 2 hrs later and she responded twice then stopped, so I text her again after she got off work around 10:40 pm then she sent me an text and didn't respond to my reply. Usually she'll text me "Goodnight " or something similar before I go to bed so If she lost interest I don't know why. Like I said before, she was the one to set up our date this week. ask for a picture of me for her phone and said that she was going to cook for me. I was on FB before I went to sleep and saw she was on but it said her mobile device had been idle for an hour so maybe she fell asleep? Should I be worried? I don't really want to lose this one and start back at zero again :/


Now, now. Don't be needy.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I think I'm thinking too much but "M" told me to text her later today after talking to her before leaving work. I did about 2 hrs later and she responded twice then stopped, so I text her again after she got off work around 10:40 pm then she sent me an text and didn't respond to my reply. Usually she'll text me "Goodnight " or something similar before I go to bed so If she lost interest I don't know why. Like I said before, she was the one to set up our date this week. ask for a picture of me for her phone and said that she was going to cook for me. I was on FB before I went to sleep and saw she was on but it said her mobile device had been idle for an hour so maybe she fell asleep? Should I be worried? I don't really want to lose this one and start back at zero again :/


#1. There's nothing to worry about. You have a date set up. Until then, play it cool and barely text her at all until there is something of more substance between you guys. And if you can't resist, don't text her with trite stuff such as, "Hey what's up?" or "How was work?" If you're going to text her, make sure it's something hilarious or interesting.

#2. If she's interested she's not just going to lose interest overnight. That doesn't really happen unless you do something very odd and a red flag is raised in her mind. One example of this is texting her every waking moment. I know you're not at that point but just...tread lightly. Do not put all your hopes and dreams on this one girl because you are just setting yourself up for disappointment, as the more obsessed you are the higher chance she will detect that neediness and run for the hills.

That being said, I have no doubt you'll do just fine. I know you can play it cool and just do your thing, you're the BRANDEEZY after all.


----------



## Zeeshan

Lol when she texts good night text back whatever 

Gold


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> #1. There's nothing to worry about. You have a date set up. Until then, play it cool and barely text her at all until there is something of more substance between you guys. And if you can't resist, don't text her with trite stuff such as, "Hey what's up?" or "How was work?" If you're going to text her, make sure it's something hilarious or interesting.
> 
> #2. If she's interested she's not just going to lose interest overnight. That doesn't really happen unless you do something very odd and a red flag is raised in her mind. One example of this is texting her every waking moment. I know you're not at that point but just...tread lightly. Do not put all your hopes and dreams on this one girl because you are just setting yourself up for disappointment, as the more obsessed you are the higher chance she will detect that neediness and run for the hills.
> 
> That being said, I have no doubt you'll do just fine. I know you can play it cool and just do your thing, you're the BRANDEEZY after all.


Yeah I was over thinking. I talked to her briefly today before leaving work and she was excited to see me. Funny thing was that while she was cashiering she mouthed the words "text me" so the supervisor wouldn't hear, as I walked out the door. I'll probably text her but just to clarify the details of our date Friday.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Yeah I was over thinking. I talked to her briefly today before leaving work and she was excited to see me. Funny thing was that while she was cashiering she mouthed the words "text me" so the supervisor wouldn't hear, as I walked out the door. I'll probably text her but just to clarify the details of our date Friday.


Stay cool dog


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Stay cool dog


Trying, she's annoying me though. I asked her what time did she wanted to go out to the movies. She sent a text asking what time I was off tomorrow since she's off, I told her the time almost 2 hours ago and I still haven't received a reply. I need to know before I go to sleep soon so I can bring clothes to change into after work but she's making things difficult


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Trying, she's annoying me though. I asked her what time did she wanted to go out to the movies. She sent a text asking what time I was off tomorrow since she's off, I told her the time almost 2 hours ago and I still haven't received a reply. I need to know before I go to sleep soon so I can bring clothes to change into after work but she's making things difficult


Your being uncool n needy. You need assurances. Relax! Relax!

Sigh. Movie date isn't the way to go with a 20 something in my experience coffee or drinks are the way to go.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

aye puro fregaderas...


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Your being uncool n needy. You need assurances. Relax! Relax!
> 
> Sigh.* Movie date isn't the way to go with a 20 something* in my experience coffee or drinks are the way to go.


She's 19 but yeah I'm not going to contact her at all unless she contacts me first


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> She's 19 but yeah I'm not going to contact her at all unless she contacts me first


All right that's good

Just relax...just be cool for now. She will come back.

Try this instead. If there is a coffee shop near by tell her your chilling their anyways after work if she wants to drop by


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> All right that's good
> 
> Just relax...just be cool for now. She will come back.
> 
> Try this instead. If there is a coffee shop near by tell her your chilling their anyways after work if she wants to drop by


I want to text her before i leave work so i can find out if she still wants to hangout since she didn't get back to me yesterday but I'm just going to wait even though i doubt she's going to contact me today


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Decided to channel my attempts at meeting girls on the internet into something better... I joined a dating site.

I experimented by sending this girl a message, she "viewed my profile" but hasn't said anything back to me. And thus begins a load of ****ing bollocks. What the **** is it with being ignored lately?? (Insert sarcastic "Cos you're ugly" response)


----------



## IcedOver

Goddamn it, waiting for a reply from someone is so agonizing!!! The second woman I've been mentioning, the one in whom I am much less interested, contacted me again last Wednesday after two weeks' silence, saying that she was very busy (but how busy must you be if you can't take two minutes out of four free days to send an e-mail?). She said she'd be available Tuesday (today), Wednesday or Thursday to meet for lunch. She works only Friday-Sunday, intensive hours. I replied early on Thursday that I would be available on Tuesday, but Monday has gone and no response from her since last week, and I wouldn't be surprised if today goes the same way. 

I feel very disrespected. We're having a conversation that, if it works out, would lead to us doing intimate things, and she can't take a moment to shoot an e-mail saying she can or can't make it? She's not the only one who has to plan a day. The conversation feels very genuine, and I haven't yet asked her if she's a man or some fvcking tranny. If it turns out that it is either of those who is just getting his rocks off toying with me, I will so go off on this guy, you have no idea.


----------



## bsd3355

^I hate that too. It usually means it isn't a high priority to contact you. I used to think women were somehow different when it came to things like this (why? because i'm stupid), but they aren't. It almost always means you aren't high on her priority list. It's likely not to get better either, so either you deal with it or don't deal with it and find someone who values your time more.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^I hate that too. It usually means it isn't a high priority to contact you. I used to think women were somehow different when it came to things like this (why? because i'm stupid), but they aren't. It almost always means you aren't high on her priority list. It's likely not to get better either, so either you deal with it or don't deal with it and find someone who values your time more.


I think guys mainly put themselves in this situation. One of the things I've learned is that women are more likely to meet up with you if you mention a specific place and time. So instead of just texting with question marks be specific


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I think guys mainly put themselves in this situation. One of the things I've learned is that women are more likely to meet up with you if you mention a specific place and time. So instead of just texting with question marks be specific


Yeah. I agree with rymo in the sense you shouldn't text very much when you get a girl's number you hardly know, because after a certain point it's just unnecessary fluff talk that gets boring and stale. Actions tend to almost always speak louder than words, and girls who act offish reflects out they feel about the situation or you, unless it is a rare case that she has some issue that needs to be addressed. There are no "tricks" or things you can do usually to change a girl's mind to want to hang out with you if she doesn't want to hang out with you. Your best option tends to be find someone who is more interested in you. It really is that black and white. All you have to do is put yourself in the girl's position and think how you'd react to someone you weren't interested in to figure these things out typically. Girls react the same way you would react usually.

It is slightly embarrassing to admit it took me a while to realize this, because it reflects a lot of misconceptions men have that should be fairly obvious, and a lot of women, and other men, wonder why we talk so much about this stuff...


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah. I agree with rymo in the sense you shouldn't text very much when you get a girl's number you hardly know, because after a certain point it's just unnecessary fluff talk that gets boring and stale. Actions tend to almost always speak louder than words, and girls who act offish reflects out they feel about the situation or you, unless it is a rare case that she has some issue that needs to be addressed. There are no "tricks" or things you can do usually to change a girl's mind to want to hang out with you if she doesn't want to hang out with you. Your best option tends to be find someone who is more interested in you. It really is that black and white. All you have to do is put yourself in the girl's position and think how you'd react to someone you weren't interested in to figure these things out typically. Girls react the same way you would react usually.
> 
> It is slightly embarrassing to admit it took me a while to realize this, because it reflects a lot of misconceptions men have that should be fairly obvious, and a lot of women, and other men, wonder why we talk so much about this stuff...


I think the delivery matters

She says she is free and then you keep following up with question marks. Men should lead and women will follow.

Say she texts I'm free Tuesday n Wednesday
You can reply with something like yeah Tuesday is fine. I think this sort of reply has a 90% flake rate

If you call her instead...tell her where she is gonna meet tell her what time she won't flake. It shows that you can lead

Ppl like to have assurances rather then maybes


----------



## Zeeshan

Also going back to call vs text this is also why text is a problem. 

When you call the biggest fear guys have us am I disturbing her? Well you know what your trying to be her bf one of her biggest priorities she better give you her attention

Problem is today women are receiving so much texts whatssapp etc. That messaging becomes low value. When you call her you get her attention. Period. You show her its gonna be you leading the way and she will follow.

That's why women end up going out with jerks. They tell when nice guys ask. Women inherently like to be told. Just like daddy


----------



## estse

To get a girl I'm making lots of money and driving a fast car. Also, I go sans pants whilst in my car, for easier access to the sexual pleasures of mating with a female of the human species.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Also going back to call vs text this is also why text is a problem.
> 
> When you call the biggest fear guys have us am I disturbing her? Well you know what your trying to be her bf one of her biggest priorities she better give you her attention
> 
> Problem is today women are receiving so much texts whatssapp etc. That messaging becomes low value. When you call her you get her attention. Period. You show her its gonna be you leading the way and she will follow.
> 
> That's why women end up going out with jerks. They tell when nice guys ask. Women inherently like to be told. Just like daddy


I disagree with this, but not saying some don't either. It's more of an individual thing than it is a whole "women" thing. This "nice" issue has been beaten to death and it has got very tiresome trying to explain, so I tend not to care anymore discussing it.


----------



## Brandeezy

I think me and "M" are going to stay friends. She's obviously not interested anymore and flaked on hanging out today but oh well. Time to start over, I was so close too smh


----------



## IcedOver

As far as women failing to contact you and keep you updated, it's less about priorities and more about a basic lack of respect, a feeling that they don't have to respect you because, as a man, you have no value. I had the same damn problem with the woman who was a sure thing and canceled on me, virtually giving me a nervous breakdown. She also ignored my texts and e-mails several times before the final cancellation. 

With this current woman, I don't even have her number, as she said she doesn't want to talk on the phone and would prefer a face-to-face conversation. So it's all up to her checking her e-mail. This is even a woman who has described herself as overweight, so she's not like the other woman who was quite attractive and who has a lot of options, and I'm still getting the shaft!


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I think me and "M" are going to stay friends. She's obviously not interested anymore and flaked on hanging out today but oh well. Time to start over, I was so close too smh


Awful this

But I hope you at least learned something


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> As far as women failing to contact you and keep you updated, it's less about priorities and more about a basic lack of respect, a feeling that they don't have to respect you because, as a man, you have no value. I had the same damn problem with the woman who was a sure thing and canceled on me, virtually giving me a nervous breakdown. She also ignored my texts and e-mails several times before the final cancellation.
> 
> With this current woman, I don't even have her number, as she said she doesn't want to talk on the phone and would prefer a face-to-face conversation. So it's all up to her checking her e-mail. This is even a woman who has described herself as overweight, so she's not like the other woman who was quite attractive and who has a lot of options, and I'm still getting the shaft!


Well what you gonna do


----------



## pete24

As predicted, yesterday at the pub was a waste of time, visited a few pubs, was looking my best. Didnt have any interaction with women whatsoever, wasted £15 on beer and the rest of the week im going to feel regret and depressed because of the alcohol wearing off


----------



## IcedOver

Well, as I predicted, no contact from this woman after I sent her an additional e-mail yesterday morning asking her to get back to me so we could set up lunch for today or tomorrow, the only days she says she's available. I'm not expecting any response today either. If I don't get a reply by 7:00, I'm going to send an e-mail laying into her. 

I'm starting to believe I may be the victim of a catfish. I didn't want to delve into the idea too much because the conversation seemed genuine and "she" wasn't asking me anything about myself like you would expect some guy getting his rocks off would (although I volunteered a lot). The way she talked seemed real, as did her description of her job and the fact that she visited a place I am considering visiting and verified something I know about the place. However . . . 

*When I asked her early on to talk on the phone, she said she prefers a face-to-face conversation and refused. That's a major red flag. 
*Her excuse for canceling on lunch a couple weeks ago was that her car died and was in the shop. I told her that the bus is easier, and she said "I've never taken the bus and wouldn't know where to begin." How hard is taking the bus?

If this truly is the second total flake-out that I've experienced in the space of a month, or even a catfish targeting, I may have to commit myself for a while, and I'll certainly never try again. This is just too mentally taxing. It's not fair. I don't have a high opinion of myself, but I haven't done anything wrong in these situations, and I don't deserve this disrespect.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Mercurochrome said:


> To get a girl I'm making lots of money and driving a fast car. Also, I go sans pants whilst in my car, for easier access to the sexual pleasures of mating with a female of the human species.


Studies show that riding fast cars increases dopamine. I know how that goes.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Right, maybe I'm just impatient, but now I'm getting really pissed off.

Tried starting up a conversation for the 2nd time since I joined this dating site, ignored AGAIN. Is there anyone in this world who can just ****ing... say something or interact first provided they don't think I'm hideously ugly?? Because this is how I feel now. Why not bother talking to someone if you're on a dating site AND you don't find them unattractive? Exactly. You don't. I didn't think there'd be so many stupidly high expectations on this thing, but I'm starting to think all the stuff I read is true. In fact, why not just even try speaking to someone if you don't find them hideously ugly?? I'm sick of all these power games just because I'm not ****ing 6 foot, or I have to prove my eligibility by being someone I'm not or some ****. But nevermind, point taken, I'm society's definition of "ugly".

I'm really THAT bad that people don't even START to try getting to know me, that's what drives me insane. What happened to when girls would even try to talk to me?? I can't even remember the last time that happened! Oh wait, I forgot I'm a genetic ****-up. **** it. It's actually hillarious that some people jump from one partner to the next, I want the magic beans they've been swallowing.


----------



## Brandeezy

The date is still friday apparently. My co-worker helped me out by telling her that she likes the look of us together and that i would make a good bf then "M" called me over and asked if we were still going out Friday so.....


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> The date is still friday apparently. My co-worker helped me out by telling her that she likes the look of us together and that i would make a good bf then "M" called me over and asked if we were still going out Friday so.....


Play it cool dude play it cool

Just relax go with the flow n let things happen


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> The date is still friday apparently. My co-worker helped me out by telling her that she likes the look of us together and that i would make a good bf then "M" called me over and asked if we were still going out Friday so.....


I suggest you propose in a week.

haha


----------



## Brandeezy

What's better, lunch and a movie or just a movie and a walk after?


----------



## rdrr

Brandeezy said:


> What's better, lunch and a movie or just a movie and a walk after?


Go to a place where you can talk. You cant talk during the movies.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> What's better, lunch and a movie or just a movie and a walk after?


Movies are more of a thing once physical barriers are crossed. I'd suggest coffee lunch or drinks


----------



## laura024

IcedOver said:


> Well, as I predicted, no contact from this woman after I sent her an additional e-mail yesterday morning asking her to get back to me so we could set up lunch for today or tomorrow, the only days she says she's available. I'm not expecting any response today either. If I don't get a reply by 7:00, I'm going to send an e-mail laying into her.
> 
> I'm starting to believe I may be the victim of a catfish. I didn't want to delve into the idea too much because the conversation seemed genuine and "she" wasn't asking me anything about myself like you would expect some guy getting his rocks off would (although I volunteered a lot). The way she talked seemed real, as did her description of her job and the fact that she visited a place I am considering visiting and verified something I know about the place. However . . .
> 
> *When I asked her early on to talk on the phone, she said she prefers a face-to-face conversation and refused. That's a major red flag.
> *Her excuse for canceling on lunch a couple weeks ago was that her car died and was in the shop. I told her that the bus is easier, and she said "I've never taken the bus and wouldn't know where to begin." How hard is taking the bus?
> 
> If this truly is the second total flake-out that I've experienced in the space of a month, or even a catfish targeting, I may have to commit myself for a while, and I'll certainly never try again. This is just too mentally taxing. It's not fair. I don't have a high opinion of myself, but I haven't done anything wrong in these situations, and I don't deserve this disrespect.


I don't think girls who do this are actively trying to disrespect you. Either she's not very interested or she's hiding something. Not talking on the phone and avoiding meeting up may be signs of the latter scenario.


----------



## IcedOver

^^I also believe she may be hiding something, although the way she's described herself -- as overweight and boring -- is not necessarily good window dressing. This is not conventional dating, but a fetish meeting, so the rules may be different, but not so different that one would flake on returning e-mails and flake on meetings. She has reassured me several times that she's "definitely interested" in meeting, yet she does not get back to me or makes up excuses which sound like bullsh!t. She said she had no plans these three days, and yet she has not replied, which is extremely frustrating and, to me, intentionally disrespectful.

I've sent her an e-mail telling her how I feel about this disrespect and ignoring of my messages, and also telling her I'm getting the fear that she may be a "catfish." I told her that I'm assuming she will not be able to meet on Thursday, and if so, that I want her to call me so I can verify she's not a he.

The bottom line is that the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Women now have license to do whatever the fvck they want to men with impunity and without guilt. It is disrespect to the male gender, when men are held to task for anything that's insensitive to even the smallest of women's desires. It's not fair, and with these two experiences (which aren't even real dating), I'm starting to resent women.


----------



## pete24

Keep getting waves of giving up and then trying again with the whole dating thing.

I really feel its sinking me to feel more depressed though. Dating sites are the worst for it. Theres women on it that if I had confidence and approached on a night out, they would be jumping at the chance to get with me. However messaging them online is the same old. They look at my profile and don't reply to my message. 

Really does p1ss me off. Iv had it before with women as well when they have shot me down on dating sites, but then seen me about in town and couldnt stop looking and smiling at me (in a good way), then I get back home and they have replied to my message. Silly b!tches


----------



## BobbyByThePound

practicing my mating call


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Keep getting waves of giving up and then trying again with the whole dating thing.
> 
> I really feel its sinking me to feel more depressed though. Dating sites are the worst for it. Theres women on it that if I had confidence and approached on a night out, they would be jumping at the chance to get with me. However messaging them online is the same old. They look at my profile and don't reply to my message.
> 
> Really does p1ss me off. Iv had it before with women as well when they have shot me down on dating sites, but then seen me about in town and couldnt stop looking and smiling at me (in a good way), then I get back home and they have replied to my message. Silly b!tches


Really wow

Must be a small town


----------



## Brandeezy

So tomorrow I plan on meeting her at the Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch, then walk around and talk after, I'm thinking by that time contact will already be made so the movie part after will be cool, hopefully. I'm going to tell her the plan later today then not contact her until an hour before our date Friday. I've been doing pretty good not texting her, I haven't contacted her in two days.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So tomorrow I plan on meeting her at the Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch, then walk around and talk after, I'm thinking by that time contact will already be made so the movie part after will be cool, hopefully. I'm going to tell her the plan later today then not contact her until an hour before our date. I've been doing pretty good not texting her, I haven't contacted her in two days.


That's good limit the neediness


----------



## whatyoumustthink

I'm going to start counting these dating site rejections ("rejections" meaning they clearly saw what I said to them but didn't take it further in any way) because this is so painful now it's just funny. Today makes 3. Take that, all people who questioned why I think I'm unattractive/why I'm single.


----------



## Zeeshan

whatyoumustthink said:


> I'm going to start counting these dating site rejections ("rejections" meaning they clearly saw what I said to them but didn't take it further in any way) because this is so painful now it's just funny. Today makes 3. Take that, all people who questioned why I think I'm unattractive/why I'm single.


Really that's it

3 wow

Try 300 plus for me


----------



## DubnRun

OK so I have no friends and no life experience, although a lot of girls have commented positively on me, random girls smile at me etc. I have literally no life... live isolated all my life... also never had a night out before, and attempting to pick up a girl on my own is...not gonna be easy ... whats my chances?


----------



## Zeeshan

DubnRun said:


> OK so I have no friends and no life experience, although a lot of girls have commented positively on me, random girls smile at me etc. I have literally no life... live isolated all my life... also never had a night out before, and attempting to pick up a girl on my own is...not gonna be easy ... whats my chances?


A lot of it depends on your attractiveness attitude and inclination


----------



## DubnRun

Zeeshan said:


> A lot of it depends on your attractiveness attitude and inclination


my attitude ****in sucks its hard for me to not look miserable due to isolation. Thats why im scared to even try, I have nothing to even talk about, yeah **** it its pretty much hopeless.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Zeeshan said:


> Really that's it
> 
> 3 wow
> 
> Try 300 plus for me


That's along with 0 who did show interest. In my entire life. And almost 50 real life rejections. I've seen you have some success, but yeah I can't deny 300 is a big number. I've decided I'll deactivate this **** if up to 20 people I try with ignore me with 0 success during/in between.


----------



## DarrellLicht

Nothing at all :yes


----------



## pete24

no matter


----------



## bsd3355

*Date with girl I met months ago before college break*

I have this date with a girl I met at least a couple months ago before the summer break hit. I already mentioned her before on this thread because it was the first time something like this happened in the sense that I got her number while she was here visiting the campus from another town, about 2-3 months ago. I got her number quickly and figured I'd wait until she got back into town to start school. Oddly enough, it worked and I have a date with her in 3 hours. I did this to another couple girls too before they left.

Personally, I'm curious if she remembers what I look like? I'm not saying I'm ugly or anything, but I'm just curious because, from what I remember, she's really pretty, and I just remember some of the dates I've been on with really pretty girls I don't think they remembered what I looked like, and after the date they didn't talk to me again, even though I feel like the date went fine. I'm OK with not being everyone's type. I'm just genuinely curious if she remembers what I look like because it was 2-3 months ago, and so I set the date up to be pretty fast and to meet me at the campus for drinks. I don't intend on staying long, maybe 30-40 minutes. I also 50/50 if I want to go. I get like that a lot. I think I get complacent with something and I don't want to do anything else. This was one of the main reasons I didn't date as a teenager. It wasn't until later I discovered more about how motion leads to emotion, basically.

I did ask her if she remember what I looked like and she said she thinks she does but said it in a way that sounded confident? Haha. Regardless, will see what happens in the long run. Personally, I'm more curious than I'm afraid of her not seeing me again. I don't care that much if she wants to see me again or not, especially since college is back in town for another 4 months here soon. I don't feel like it will be hard to get dates if I want to. This is probably the best time to meet people too, as people are eager to meet others at the beginning of the semester, especially if she's new to town. So anything can happen in the sense that you don't really know motives. I'm not holding my breath, as usual, and I don't really care too much either. I also asked if she had a boyfriend and she said no and then she asked me and I said no and she said great. Still doesn't say much, but the reason I said that was so she knew I wasn't just interested in being friends, so she knows that before the date. So we are meeting on mutual terms.

I just find it strange how I'll be super goal-oriented with regards to dating and then all the sudden, for months sometimes, I just don't care at all. I was super excited about college starting up again since the town is dead when it lets out, but I don't really even care about dating at all now. It's so weird. Maybe it's because subconsciously I know my life is about to explode into more obligations shortly as well. During the semester I'll lose interest as well because I'll get busy. Maybe that's what it is?


----------



## bsd3355

*Date*

Just came back from date. We met up on campus because she moved in the dorms yesterday. It was technically moving-in-dorm-day for freshman today so the campus was packed, and I mean PACKED. Most of the people walking around were parents helping their kids move in. Haha, man, saying "kids" made me feel like a pedo all the sudden...ugh..

Anyway, I didn't want to stay long and the main reason I went was to basically get a proper date in with her so she can assess me--I know that sounds serious and what not but I just act myself--but I think it is important she gets a good feel for who I am and that I'm not some insecure, weirdo, scumbag. Unfortunately, a lot of guys come across that way to girls, so, for me, the first date is almost always just letting her assess me and vice versa, and, of course, enjoy each other's company.

I met her by the main fountain area in the center of campus. I walked past her and looked behind me and there she was, in a summer dress, looking dressed up and starring into the center looking as if she was waiting. I still get those voices in my head that tell me "wow, she looks pretty. she's not going to like me", but I soon as I start talking those voices go away. I don't get nervous rarely on dates anymore, and I wasn't nervous as soon as we met. She's a blond, blonde--like really blond--long hair, seems a bit innocent but intelligent; fashion major, etc. She's not annoying, so plus for that.

Went to starbucks on campus, got a couple drinks, and went back outside to sit under a bench-like canopy near the center of campus. Had a nice chat, about 30-40 mins. She seemed eager to meet people and join clubs, which is understandable, especially since she's a freshmen. I don't know why, but girls hardly ask my age, like, ever. It's like they don't care, as I don't really give a **** she's 18 or 19, just as long as she's cool. Most people say I look 23, so i'll take it. I told her I had to leave slightly early, so I walked her to the center of the campus, gave her a hug, she said "should hang out again", I said sure and that was that.

Like I said, main reason I wanted to do a quick first date was so she could assess me and vice versa. Now it all depends on whether she keeps hanging out, and then comes the physical part of things--that's basically how I tell a girl likes me like that--and the by the physical part I don't mean sex, but physical contact like hugging, kissing, etc. You can hang out with a girl all day but if you aren't sharing physical intimacy then I wouldn't say you are dating and it is ambiguous I think. When it becomes mutually physical then I would say it's established. Sex isn't all that important as far knowing whether you are dating or what not. I used to think it was. I think eventually it becomes more important though, but not at the beginning. You never know what can happen in the beginning though and so I'm almost always 50/50 on whether or not it'll even lead to anything. Time will tell.


----------



## Brandeezy

So after 2 days of no contact "M" sent me a text out of the blue yesterday while I was at a sports bar with my uncle and cousin. After about 3 or 4 messages I told her our plan for today and she didn't respond for almost an hour. I thought she was going to flake but she responded with "Yea that sounds like fun, I'll meet you there tomorrow" so I guess it's on. I'm pretty nervous guys so wish me luck, we're suppose to meet at 2:30


----------



## phoenixwright

Women flake like crazy. It is in their nature. I set up a fake profile of a studly black guy (black guys are often seen as the most masculine in our society and there's the whole big penis stereotype so I figured this would be perfect for my experiment) with washboard abs and he's only been able to pull one woman out of like 150+ messages easy (a girl who looked almost certainly willing to hook up until she found out that she was being trolled. I only had one face pic for my fake profile guy. She wanted more and when I didn't produce it, she could tell that he was fake). Lots of women exchanges messages with him. Some even gave out their digits. But practically all of them cancelled meetups and flaked or just stopped messaging.

Meanwhile when I message as myself online and not with my fake profile, I have a much better success rate with way less messages (the messages tend to be longer and have more depth and content though). Much better success rate. I wanted to test a theory that a hot, ripped, well-endowed (I showed them a penis pic of the guy via email. I had the pic on his profile in the hookup site) stud could pull ***** very easily and that he didn't have to pretend to be interested in dates or girlfriends in order to do it. But it seems like very few women on dating sites or even hookup sites are actually interested in hooking up to have sex. Even the ones on hookup sites I think are there just to flirt with guys, get attention and boost their ego. I have had more offers of sex from women (though the ones who were straight forward about wanting to hook up with me tend to be unattractive) than my fake hunk profile.

So yeah when a woman flakes out on you next time, don't take it to heart. It is in their nature. They even flake out on total hunks. A female friend of mine suggested trying a hunky white guy instead for an experiment because she pointed out that lots of white women (herself included) don't find black guys attractive. But my guy was able to get into lots of steamy conversations and pull digits. That doesn't explain the flaking.


----------



## pete24

Just busted a b!tch on POF.

Her opening message "Hi x" (if we did that as an opening message, we wouldnt get a reply).

Replied to her, spoke for a while, she was slow replying....

Then:

Me: Good to hear it, I read you liked your football, do you go to many games? x
Her: I'm good u

Then she replied to my message. 


Without a doubt that "I'm good u" message was meant to go to someone else. Fair enough I do expect women on dating sites to be in touch with more than 1 person, but if she's sending the wrong message to me, I cant stand out that much to her.

Deleted message>Blocked


----------



## phoenixwright

That's just the nature of the beast pete. You've heard of abundance theory from RSD right? That's how women think. They do not care at this point. You are an interchangeable bit-part replacement to them. Even if you have washboard abs and a big penis (my experiment proved this). Women actually care less about that stuff than we care about that stuff. We are more visual based. That's why men are putty in the hands of hot women. But it's almost never vice versa (women putty in the hands of hot men) unless she's desperate. Women are more emotional (and thus, chaotic and fleeeting). Smartphone and texting culture promotes this to the ninth degree. Girls you meet at a nightclub/bar or via day game will treat you like **** too. But they are even more ruthless with guys they meet online. Because in their mind, it's not real and you're not a real human being with real feelings.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> That's just the nature of the beast pete. You've heard of abundance theory from RSD right? That's how women think. They do not care at this point. You are an interchangeable bit-part replacement to them. Even if you have washboard abs and a big penis (my experiment proved this). Women actually care less about that stuff than we care about that stuff. We are more visual based. That's why men are putty in the hands of hot women. But it's almost never vice versa (women putty in the hands of hot men) unless she's desperate. Women are more emotional (and thus, chaotic and fleeeting). Smartphone and texting culture promotes this to the ninth degree. Girls you meet at a nightclub/bar or via day game will treat you like **** too. But they are even more ruthless with guys they meet online. Because in their mind, it's not real and you're not a real human being with real feelings.


Then perhaps you can send their systems into shock with some ruthless treatment of the your own


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Women flake like crazy. It is in their nature. I set up a fake profile of a studly black guy (black guys are often seen as the most masculine in our society and there's the whole big penis stereotype so I figured this would be perfect for my experiment) with washboard abs and he's only been able to pull one woman out of like 150+ messages easy (a girl who looked almost certainly willing to hook up until she found out that she was being trolled. I only had one face pic for my fake profile guy. She wanted more and when I didn't produce it, she could tell that he was fake). Lots of women exchanges messages with him. Some even gave out their digits. But practically all of them cancelled meetups and flaked or just stopped messaging.
> 
> Meanwhile when I message as myself online and not with my fake profile, I have a much better success rate with way less messages (the messages tend to be longer and have more depth and content though). Much better success rate. I wanted to test a theory that a hot, ripped, well-endowed (I showed them a penis pic of the guy via email. I had the pic on his profile in the hookup site) stud could pull ***** very easily and that he didn't have to pretend to be interested in dates or girlfriends in order to do it. But it seems like very few women on dating sites or even hookup sites are actually interested in hooking up to have sex. Even the ones on hookup sites I think are there just to flirt with guys, get attention and boost their ego. I have had more offers of sex from women (though the ones who were straight forward about wanting to hook up with me tend to be unattractive) than my fake hunk profile.
> 
> So yeah when a woman flakes out on you next time, don't take it to heart. It is in their nature. They even flake out on total hunks. A female friend of mine suggested trying a hunky white guy instead for an experiment because she pointed out that lots of white women (herself included) don't find black guys attractive. But my guy was able to get into lots of steamy conversations and pull digits. That doesn't explain the flaking.


Do it with a Caucasian male and you will get better results. I don't know why you thought a black male pic would do better. I actually have a close friend who is black on pof and he can only get fat chicks

I think your opinion of women is highly skewed due to your experiences. Women are not out there looking for hookups they just want attractive guys. That's all. Tall built nice face good job nice car etc. No different then you.

In terms of real life exposure you don't have enough to have such a strong opinion. In fact only bwidger in this thread has cold approach experience and it seems to me he gets a decent amount of dates with cute chics


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So after 2 days of no contact "M" sent me a text out of the blue yesterday while I was at a sports bar with my uncle and cousin. After about 3 or 4 messages I told her our plan for today and she didn't respond for almost an hour. I thought she was going to flake but she responded with "Yea that sounds like fun, I'll meet you there tomorrow" so I guess it's on. I'm pretty nervous guys so wish me luck, we're suppose to meet at 2:30


See

Staying cool works


----------



## arnie

Stop seeing the relationship dynamic as a man begging a woman to go out with him. Women want relationships just as much as Men want relationships.

Instead view it this way: When you ask a woman out, you are offering her the chance to be with someone that she will enjoy being with. You are offering her all of the future experiences that you could have in a relationship. You are offering her the chance to share in a fun life together. You're not asking her out on a date, you're talking to her so you can find out if *you* want to date *her*; to find out if you two would be right together


----------



## phoenixwright

arnie said:


> Stop seeing the relationship dynamic as a man begging a woman to go out with him. Women want relationships just as much as Men want relationships.
> 
> Instead view it this way: When you ask a woman out, you are offering her the chance to be with someone that she will enjoy being with. You are offering her all of the future experiences that you could have in a relationship. You are offering her the chance to share in a fun life together. You're not asking her out on a date, you're talking to her so you can find out if *you* want to date *her*; to find out if you two would be right together


That is not how chicks see it. They see it as them doing you a favour. When really they are not. lol. When a woman experiences an orgasm, it is very intense. The male orgasm is no where close to as great as a female orgasm. If anything, things should be in the reverse order. Men should be less needy. If men were less needy, women wouldn't have an inflated sense of self-importance. Women are no more valuable than any man. Conversationally, women are just as boring as men to talk to. Most of the time, more so because we are more likely to have things in common with men. And men are more likely to be insightful and go against conventional thoughts and beliefs. Probably why Aspie men outnumber Aspie women 4:1. I've pretty much given up on socializing (after being out there for a year and a half straight every weekend with only one weekend off) because people are so boring. And lack insight and intelligence. And sex is extremely over-rated (cuddling is nice. But for me to enjoy something like that requires some sort of suspension of belief in my part. I have to actually believe that the woman I'm cuddling with isn't a *****.

And basically every single human being is a *******/***** who only cares about what they can get out of you. And will only agree to give and cooperate because they understand that doing so can lead to rewards for them in the long-run). An orgasm from a blowjob from my experience is identical to an orgasm from masturbation. Except my right hand feels better than a woman does. Men buy into this idea that you need to get laid in order to validate yourself as a man. And that's where the desperation comes from I think.

A girl replied back to me on OKCupid some months back and I didn't reply out of laziness/lack of motivation/interest. And then another girl messaged me and I didn't reply. And another one. And I noticed that lots more girls started viewing my profile and hitting "like me" on quick match. I think it's because my profile has "replies very selectively" now probably and when women see that, they see a man who isn't desperate. And that instinctively makes their vagina wet. Women are sheep (men are too. But in different ways ie. chasing after ***** to try to score a lay to impress their bros). They like what they see as unavailable. They want a status symbol they can brag to their girlfriends about. If a well-endowed hunk is messaging the girl and showing eagerness, he downgrades his value in relation to her and she loses interest.

A good woman these days is hard to find. My mom passed away recently. And it's sad to think about not just because she's my mother and I loved my mom but because society doesn't make women like that anymore. Women who believe that it is their duty to be a good wife and mother and to be a lady who genuinely values their fellow man. And take joy in being those things. People in western society these days are self-centered and morally corrupt. I cried when my mom was on her death bed. Would I cry for any of these vapid modern *****es when they are on their death bed? Hell no. Western women these days may be more porn-like (in terms of giving blowjobs and what not). But they lack the feminine grace and maternal nature of their grandmothers. And western men are equally repulsive (probably because most of them were raised without a father figure in our divorce-mania society. Or they didn't have a proper father figure). They're just more desperate and so they put up with more bull**** than their female counterparts generally would. Even religious western women are corrupted by their society. You can be a female virgin waiting for marriage and still be a self-centered princess.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Just busted a b!tch on POF.
> 
> Her opening message "Hi x" (if we did that as an opening message, we wouldnt get a reply).
> 
> Replied to her, spoke for a while, she was slow replying....
> 
> Then:
> 
> Me: Good to hear it, I read you liked your football, do you go to many games? x
> Her: I'm good u
> 
> Then she replied to my message.
> 
> Without a doubt that "I'm good u" message was meant to go to someone else. Fair enough I do expect women on dating sites to be in touch with more than 1 person, but if she's sending the wrong message to me, I cant stand out that much to her.
> 
> Deleted message>Blocked


Strong reaction on your part.

I remember when I used to ask how to write a girl on a POF site. Nearly all the girls say "be creative! don't just say hi!"...but at the same time, every girl that ever messages me just says hi or hey. on top of that, many girls simply put a block on their profile that won't allow "messages this short". those are about the only girls i won't respond to afterward.

in the end, it seems like so many people are ignorant of dating, and this is what you should expect from both ends.

meanwhile, the drama of this **** is ridiculous.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Strong reaction on your part.
> 
> I remember when I used to ask how to write a girl on a POF site. Nearly all the girls say "be creative! don't just say hi!"...but at the same time, every girl that ever messages me just says hi or hey. on top of that, many girls simply put a block on their profile that won't allow "messages this short". those are about the only girls i won't respond to afterward.
> 
> in the end, it seems like so many people are ignorant of dating, and this is what you should expect from both ends.
> 
> meanwhile, the drama of this **** is ridiculous.


I think it was the right reaction to have, by not remembering who she had sent what message to, I clearly didnt stand out over anyone else thus its a waste of time talking because by the end of the day she would of found someone who stands out a bit more to her.

It seems the whole dating site thing is giving way too much of an advantage to women. Theres even dating sites that are 100% free for women to join and message people but if men joined they could browse profiles for free but not send a message until they pay. That says it all really.

I have no idea nowadays why its so hard to find a girlfriend. I'm a good enough looking guy, have been with some really hot women, used to have some compliments when I was into clubbing and every single date I have ever been on has left the girl like putty towards me.

Working out some Figures I have been in 15 Relationship's, Slept with 19 (the extra 4 were long term friendship's which turned into short term relationships but we decided we were better off as friends), turned down 4 who wanted 1 night stands, turned down 5 who wanted relationships but weren't my type, proper kissed over 40. So thats the frustrating thing.... I cant be that bad at all.

Now though it feels like I have hit a brick wall and im having to settle for women that are way below my standards on dating websites. Only other way is to go out clubbing again, but with no friends I would have to go on my own so it increases the chances of making a [email protected] of myself due to too much booze or getting beaten up as I would be an easy target :/


----------



## bsd3355

^Your assumption that meeting girls at a bar is negative is not really the case unless you are an ******* and mess with people to begin with. In that case, you probably should get beat up every now and then, but I doubt you are like that. My point is, you are exaggerating negatives.

As far as the online dating thing goes, if it is not working for you then do something else! That's what I did/do and it has worked for me. I don't go online dating sites unless I am more desperate because I know the results that comes from it. I am not saying meeting girls in real life is always easier, but, from my personal experience, which is a lot, I can say that it works more the way I want it to work compared to online.

As far as your experiences with women, for goodness sake man, you've been in 15 RELATIONSHIPS. That's a lot!

My advice, if you are curious about it, is to find another avenue to meet girls that works for you and you enjoy. I used to be big time into bars/clubs but I never really enjoyed myself and it felt strange. In my case, finding the path of least resistance with something I felt like I didn't have to try hard, or get frustrated with, was what changed things for me. College has been the right avenue for me to meet girls, because it works for me. Maybe find something that works for you.

Also, you seem to be one of those guys who lose hope or get frustrated easily from what I've seen. A month from now you'll probably be in yet another relationship and disappear from this part of the forum until you become single again, like most guys here do. Dating is tough for most people unless they have conditioned themselves to it and found a niche.


----------



## bsd3355

bwidger85 said:


> ^Your assumption that meeting girls at a bar is negative is not really the case unless you are an ******* and mess with people to begin with. In that case, you probably should get beat up every now and then, but I doubt you are like that. My point is, you are exaggerating negatives.
> 
> As far as the online dating thing goes, if it is not working for you then do something else! That's what I did/do and it has worked for me. I don't go online dating sites unless I am more desperate because I know the results that comes from it. I am not saying meeting girls in real life is always easier, but, from my personal experience, which is a lot, I can say that it works more the way I want it to work compared to online.
> 
> As far as your experiences with women, for goodness sake man, you've been in 15 RELATIONSHIPS. That's a lot!
> 
> My advice, if you are curious about it, is to find another avenue to meet girls that works for you and you enjoy. I used to be big time into bars/clubs but I never really enjoyed myself and it felt strange. In my case, finding the path of least resistance with something I felt like I didn't have to try hard, or get frustrated with, was what changed things for me. College has been the right avenue for me to meet girls, because it works for me. Maybe find something that works for you.
> 
> Also, you seem to be one of those guys who lose hope or get frustrated easily from what I've seen. A month from now you'll probably be in yet another relationship and disappear from this part of the forum until you become single again, like most guys here do. Dating is tough for most people unless they have conditioned themselves to it and found a niche.


Actually, do w/e you want. I know it's frustrating sometimes. It comes with the territory sometimes. Do your thang


----------



## CopadoMexicano

bwidger85 said:


> Strong reaction on your part.
> 
> I remember when I used to ask how to write a girl on a POF site. Nearly all the girls say "be creative! don't just say hi!"...but at the same time, every girl that ever messages me just says hi or hey. on top of that, many girls simply put a block on their profile that won't allow "messages this short". those are about the only girls i won't respond to afterward.
> 
> in the end, it seems like so many people are ignorant of dating, and this is what you should expect from both ends.
> 
> *meanwhile, the drama of this **** is ridiculous.*


Lol! My exact same words.



phoenixwright said:


> That's just the nature of the beast pete. You've heard of abundance theory from RSD right? That's how women think. They do not care at this point. You are an interchangeable bit-part replacement to them. Even if you have washboard abs and a big penis (my experiment proved this). Women actually care less about that stuff than we care about that stuff. We are more visual based. That's why men are putty in the hands of hot women. But it's almost never vice versa (women putty in the hands of hot men) unless she's desperate. Women are more emotional (and thus, chaotic and fleeeting). Smartphone and texting culture promotes this to the ninth degree. *Girls you meet at a nightclub/bar or via day game will treat you like **** too. But they are even more ruthless with guys they meet online. Because in their mind, it's not real and you're not a real human being with real feelings.*


Yeah it needs to stop. Im not sure why some men let some girls get away with their second class behavior. It annoys the hell out of me.


----------



## phoenixwright

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Yeah it needs to stop. Im not sure why some men let some girls get away with their second class behavior. It annoys the hell out of me.


Men lack self-respect. It's the same reason why (I believe bwidger just pointed this out) women will often say on their profile that they just don't want a hi from you. They want a message with substance. But then the other day when I got approached by a woman online, she just said "hi" (I did not reply btw. lol). They have a sense of entitlement. Thinking that it's enough for them to just be an available vagina and not have to do any work at showing a guy that she is special.

Things are different these days than from my mom's era. I'm not saying those days are superior to ours necessarily. But back in those days, women actually cared about showing her value as a potential wife and mother to her suitors. Nowadays their mentality is "yeah I have a ***** and you want it". Things started to change when women stopped being dependent on a husband to support them. Women can earn their own bread now. They have their vibrators. They have the pill and abortions to have all the sex they want. They have their daddies, uncles or brothers to do manual labour for them (or they can hire someone to do that for them). They can go to a sperm bank to get kids. They don't need us. And when they stopped needing us, they start treating you like ****. Do I want to go back to the days where women were dependent on men? No. But it would be nice if we lived in a world where women don't have to be dependent on us in order to respect us as human beings. I don't know if humans by nature are really capable of that kind of virtue. My mom has criticized my sister for being too picky. Women these days care about all sorts of crap that doesn't even matter. There is a definite generational shift with women between those who were raised before the free love era/feminist revolution in the late 60s or so and women who were raised after that.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> ^Your assumption that meeting girls at a bar is negative is not really the case unless you are an ******* and mess with people to begin with. In that case, you probably should get beat up every now and then, but I doubt you are like that. My point is, you are exaggerating negatives.
> 
> As far as the online dating thing goes, if it is not working for you then do something else! That's what I did/do and it has worked for me. I don't go online dating sites unless I am more desperate because I know the results that comes from it. I am not saying meeting girls in real life is always easier, but, from my personal experience, which is a lot, I can say that it works more the way I want it to work compared to online.
> 
> As far as your experiences with women, for goodness sake man, you've been in 15 RELATIONSHIPS. That's a lot!
> 
> My advice, if you are curious about it, is to find another avenue to meet girls that works for you and you enjoy. I used to be big time into bars/clubs but I never really enjoyed myself and it felt strange. In my case, finding the path of least resistance with something I felt like I didn't have to try hard, or get frustrated with, was what changed things for me. College has been the right avenue for me to meet girls, because it works for me. Maybe find something that works for you.
> 
> Also, you seem to be one of those guys who lose hope or get frustrated easily from what I've seen. A month from now you'll probably be in yet another relationship and disappear from this part of the forum until you become single again, like most guys here do.  Dating is tough for most people unless they have conditioned themselves to it and found a niche.


The point im saying about being beaten up is something I mentioned before. "Happy Slapping" is common in this town. If this was a nightclub I went to on my own theres an increased chance of that happening to me (It's happened before). Plus going out to a nightclub on your own which is a social venue, brand's you a loser. Even women I have been in long term relationships with were horrified and didnt believe that I went to clubs on my own.

Theres no other thing I can do, it's dating sites or being in public and hoping some girl approaches me.

yea, 15, most were over 6 months long. The main point though was I cant be that bad if that many people actually liked me enough to get with me.

Isnt no other avenue's I can take up. Theres nothing in this town. If I went to the colleges trying to meet women, I would probably end up in trouble with the police (the college is for 15/16 years olds... im 30). Then with my social anxiety, the moment I get into the busy town centre, im nervous as hell. DR's are completely aware of it (as I have seen them when sober) and have even told me that if alcohol helps with it.. carry on.

Which means, each time I leave the house, I end up in the pub. The next few days as the alcohol wear's off I become depressed as hell and have to spend the next few days sleeping because staying awake puts me in tears with how low I feel. The last thing I need is being shot down or making an idiot of myself and adding the lowness of that to how crap I feel the next day.

Frustrated.... Yes. However thats with complete reason. When im shot down by women who are not even half as hot or nice as some of my ex's it's too easy to become frustrated. The main frustration is that if any of the women had given me 1 chance and had a first date.... I could guarantee they will be amazed, attracted to me and would be more than happy to try and start a relationship.


----------



## Brandeezy

Just got home from the date, it was only about 2 hours (She had to go to another city with her brothers) but we had lunch, walked around then sat down on a bench and talked. I greeted her with a hug and left with a hug. It was great but it wasn't bad, we had a couple laughs and a couple of awkward silences. She figured out that I didn't have any friends since I told her I hangout with my cousin and uncle a lot, I confessed and she seemed sorta surprise but encouraged me to go fine some. She told me to text her when I got home and I did. I let her know I had fun hanging out and she said she did too, I told her to set up the next date and she said she'll let me know so now it's time to play the waiting game. I see her tomorrow morning by the way


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Brandeezy said:


> I told her to set up the next date and she said she'll let me know so now it's time to play the waiting game. I see her tomorrow morning by the way


Im glad u had fun but I feel like this part is a mistake


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Just got home from the date, it was only about 2 hours (She had to go to another city with her brothers) but we had lunch, walked around then sat down on a bench and talked. I greeted her with a hug and left with a hug. It was great but it wasn't bad, we had a couple laughs and a couple of awkward silences. She figured out that I didn't have any friends since I told her I hangout with my cousin and uncle a lot, I confessed and she seemed sorta surprise but encouraged me to go fine some. She told me to text her when I got home and I did. I let her know I had fun hanging out and she said she did too, I told her to set up the next date and she said she'll let me know so now it's time to play the waiting game. I see her tomorrow morning by the way


No kiss?


----------



## Brandeezy

illmatic1 said:


> Im glad u had fun but I feel like this part is a mistake


Why, if she's really interested in me then she'll ask to do something.

And no kiss Zeeshan, i was trying to think of a line to have her cuddle with me when we were sitting on the bench but i couldn't think of anything.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Brandeezy said:


> Why, if she's really interested in me then she'll ask to do something.


From my own experience that isn't the case... Many girls expect the guy to do all the work regardless of how much they like you... They are thinking the same way you are..." If he likes me he will initiate for a second date",nit thinking about it from the guys perspective that "i already initiated once, now its her turn" or they are just scared and think "he initiated once, he can put himself out there again, and he will if REALLY likes me"... And then there's some girls who just don't like to put any effort in because they know that if a guy puts all the effort in there's nothing lost on her end if things don't work out, making her a player in a way... Most girls are the first two out of the three

Maybe its just me but I don't really leave it up to girls to do anything cause it ussually takes them for ever if they do end up doing anything... And to avoid getting played I would just pursue as many girls as I could at one time so in the case that one did turn out to be a player its not like it really hurt because I have dates with three other girls that I probably like more than that girl alway...

But I'm paranoid and have been becoming increasingly skeptical about relationships and haven't been pursueing them recently so I'm probably not the best source for advice anyways...

Hope things work out for you man, u seem like a really cool guy and any girl that can't see that isn't worth your time anyways... Goodluck bro


----------



## rdrr

Brandeezy said:


> Why, if she's really interested in me then she'll ask to do something.
> 
> And no kiss Zeeshan, i was trying to think of a line to have her cuddle with me when we were sitting on the bench but i couldn't think of anything.


I think you should haven't said that either. Take the lead, you'll have time to plan the 2nd date. A hug is fine, prob better than an awkward kiss goodbye. On the next date, try to plan something that helps bump up the intimacy. An activity of some sort.


----------



## bsd3355

I agree with illmatic on this one. But ya never know, she could take the lead early on. From my experience it is rare, especially since you started off perusing her. I would ignore tellung her to make plans and you set up the next date. After dating a while girls start to take dating initiative, but usually not at first if you started it. Take the lead and set the dynamic.

Not to worry too much, all is not lost. You can always set the next date if she doesn't, which I don't think she will unless she really likes you.


----------



## Brandeezy

So i ****ed up already? smh, don't know when another opportunity will arise again


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> So i ****ed up already? smh, don't know when another opportunity will arise again


You should be able to set another date with her if she wants to see you again. You're still in the green. If she doesn't want to date then it likely wasn't because you asked her to set the next date. If you give up now you will only be shooting yourself in the foot.


----------



## dal user

Theres a few girls at work I like but I dont even make eye contact with them or even speak cos I ferl that they are too good for me and they'd probably laugh and call me a spaz if I tried talking to them.


----------



## mahnamahna

Push-ups
Ab crunches
Jogging
Straightening my posture
Trying to talk more
Actually semi-flirted with a girl but still failed :/ 

I don't think it's getting girls to notice me or check me out though


----------



## dal user

mahnamahna said:


> Push-ups
> Ab crunches
> Jogging
> Straightening my posture
> Trying to talk more
> Actually semi-flirted with a girl but still failed :/
> 
> I don't think it's getting girls to notice me or check me out though


I dont know why you're doing all that to get a girl anyway, us guys have the wrong frame of mind, working out diesn't mean you'll attract girls just like that, a girl out there will most likely like you how you are now, you never know, if your gonna kerp working out do it for yourself and not for girls. Working out is a good thing anyway.


----------



## mahnamahna

Rich91 said:


> I dont know why you're doing all that to get a girl anyway, us guys have the wrong frame of mind, working out diesn't mean you'll attract girls just like that, a girl out there will most likely like you how you are now, you never know, if your gonna kerp working out do it for yourself and not for girls. Working out is a good thing anyway.


It's more of a bonus since I'm already short... so if I'm fat or chubby I'm pretty much doomed lol  but I don't know if they would. I mean I don't expect girls to have perfectly tight bodies so that's possible I guess!


----------



## Brandeezy

So she's not interested anymore which I sorta guessed, so now I'm back at 0 with no female prospects and no motivation. I'm disappointed in myself because I know my shyness and lack of experience pretty much caused it. I don't even have the effort to try any dating sites anymore because they don't work for me. Went from a high to a low so fast it's crazy, I was going to try to learn to drive so I can drive my dates around and such but I don't care anymore


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> So she's not interested anymore which I sorta guessed, so now I'm back at 0 with no female prospects and no motivation. I'm disappointed in myself because I know my shyness and lack of experience pretty much caused it. I don't even have the effort to try any dating sites anymore because they don't work for me. Went from a high to a low so fast it's crazy, I was going to try to learn to drive so I can drive my dates around and such but I don't care anymore


Bc you didn't kiss

You always must kiss! If you can't don't bother dating


----------



## bsd3355

mahnamahna said:


> It's more of a bonus since I'm already short... so if I'm fat or chubby I'm pretty much doomed lol  but I don't know if they would. I mean I don't expect girls to have perfectly tight bodies so that's possible I guess!


If you are overweight then you should feel lucky as that is something you can control, unlike deformanties


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Bc you didn't kiss
> 
> You always must kiss! If you can't don't bother dating


Guess I shouldn't bother then


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> Guess I shouldn't bother then


Naw man, i seriously doubt because you didnt kiss her. Many girls i dont kiss on first dates and still date then. On the sane tokwn, there has been girls i have kissed on first date and never saw again. That's just how dating is. It's unpredictable until later in dating that persin. You have to expect rejection as a big part of it and keep going till it works for u


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Guess I shouldn't bother then


women like dominant men

this is fact, and its across the board. Dont listen to other women tell you its not true, :no


----------



## AussiePea

Since when was not kissing on the first date some kind of deal breaker? Everyone is different with expectations and the pace at which they like to date. To rule something as over for that reason alone is simply ridiculous and that's the mentality which will lead to more failures than success imo.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

When I would do cold approaching it would made me feel like a creep. If you dont have any friends, social circles, going to parties. you will come off as a creep doing cold approaches. Unless you have very high confidence or are very smooth it just doesnt feel natural to be approaching women out in public. thats just me though so..


----------



## Zeeshan

AussiePea said:


> Since when was not kissing on the first date some kind of deal breaker? Everyone is different with expectations and the pace at which they like to date. To rule something as over for that reason alone is simply ridiculous and that's the mentality which will lead to more failures than success imo.


This wasn't a blind date

They already know each other and work together. Women are very insecure. Though they wish to reserve the right to refuse a man's advances when the man doesn't try they lose interest


----------



## Zeeshan

CopadoMexicano said:


> When I would do cold approaching it would made me feel like a creep. If you dont have any friends, social circles, going to parties. you will come off as a creep doing cold approaches. Unless you have very high confidence or are very smooth it just doesnt feel natural to be approaching women out in public. thats just me though so..


Bwidger above does it alone and he is successful at it which tells me it is possible


----------



## blue2

I tie a $50 note onto a length of string an leave it lying on a street, then when a girl walks by I reel it in an they follow like fishing, if I hook a male I throw him back...:teeth


----------



## CopadoMexicano

blue2 said:


> I tie a $50 note onto a length of string an leave it lying on a street, then when a girl walks by I reel it in an they follow like fishing, if I hook a male I throw him back...:teeth


Lmao.


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> women like dominant men
> 
> this is fact, and its across the board. Dont listen to other women tell you its not true, :no


If a woman wants you to kiss her, then she expects you to kiss her. If she doesn't want you to kiss her, you can easily get creep-zoned when you do. A woman will give you signals to let you know that she wants to be kissed.

You can say SA this, SA that all you want but deep down I think most guys on here are socially intelligent enough to recognize social cues unless they are on the autistic spectrum. I might have Asperger's Syndrome and even I'm able to observe a girl and a guy interacting with each other and tell if the girl likes the guy or if the guy likes the girl or if they like each other. And I'm talking like SA girls giving signals to guys even! lol. When I get my head out of the clouds (I'm in my own world a lot) and I actually observe people, I find that I'm actually really good at reading people.

I used to think that maybe I miss social cues and that the reason why I only seem to get with girls who make very clear signals is because I am socially retarded and miss more subtle signals. But the more that I see how women (including SA women) interact with other men, the more that I think that women universally signal interest in a clear way.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Nothing at the moment. Girls generally don't like me, and I don't find it worth the hassle.

I also don't want children, or to get married. So having relationships is something that I just don't see myself getting into.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Bwidger above does it alone and he is successful at it which tells me it is possible


Definitively is possible. Had another first date today  She was a nice person. I liked talking to her. Nice today; gone tomorrow. Ya never know until enough time has passed


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> If a woman wants you to kiss her, then she expects you to kiss her. If she doesn't want you to kiss her, you can easily get creep-zoned when you do. A woman will give you signals to let you know that she wants to be kissed.
> 
> You can say SA this, SA that all you want but deep down I think most guys on here are socially intelligent enough to recognize social cues unless they are on the autistic spectrum. I might have Asperger's Syndrome and even I'm able to observe a girl and a guy interacting with each other and tell if the girl likes the guy or if the guy likes the girl or if they like each other. And I'm talking like SA girls giving signals to guys even! lol. When I get my head out of the clouds (I'm in my own world a lot) and I actually observe people, I find that I'm actually really good at reading people.
> 
> I used to think that maybe I miss social cues and that the reason why I only seem to get with girls who make very clear signals is because I am socially retarded and miss more subtle signals. But the more that I see how women (including SA women) interact with other men, the more that I think that women universally signal interest in a clear way.


I agree. I think most people here can tell if a girl is giving signals, but I think what screws things up for all of us is that we clouds things because we tend to get nervous and over-analyze things. I don't personally always think you should always wait for cues because a lot of girls are shy. Personally, after the 2nd date it feels like it gets a little awkward not making some type of move because it leaves questions in the air and an undecided, sometimes, awkward feeling. Girls know just as much as you know if they are on a date or not so if you are looking for justification then that's a good one. If you want to stay friend-zone then the best thing you should do is never make a move or never show your interest. Yes, usually the guy is the first to make the move, but sometimes girls do it, but I don't think often because they aren't often put in a position where they initiate everything from approaching, to dates, to making moves, etc. Still, i feel like it's best to always make things clear regardless of who you think should make "the moves" because this is someone you like and it's silly to hide it and it will eventually make things awkward, at least for you. It is not creepy to approach, ask out, or show your interest for someone you like if you are normal and respectful about it


----------



## MobiusX

nothing, I don't want kids


----------



## SilentLyric

MobiusX said:


> nothing, I don't want kids


how are the two related :blank


----------



## pete24

Been in tears nearly all day today.

Yesterday I thought sod it, im gonna go to some pub's/clubs (on my own) and try and meet someone. First time going to clubs in about 2 years.

I wasnt confident enough in the first pub, that soon changed in pub 2 though.

Pub 2, after 8 pint's, I felt confident, not drunk, just confident. Spoke to some girl who said "im not f*****g interested so p!ss off". I barely even said anything, was only being friendly.

A bar girl who had been looking at me and smiling when she wasnt working a few weeks ago was working. I got chatting to her and she kept coming over to me when I was sitting at the bar to chat when no customers were about. As she served pint number 9 I put a few pounds on the counter and said to get herself a drink with it when she finished her shift. 

At first she was almost about to accept it but then I guess she realised it was my way of trying it on. She refused it and then went to the opposite end of the bar and stayed there until I had gone :/.

Pint 10 and things were really creeping up on me. I was on the verge of being totally wasted. Chatted to another girl who was friendly enough, then I was told she had a boyfriend and was chatting just to be nice.

Had enough at that place, went down to another bar, on way there this girl was sitting on a bench by herself. Tried chatting but was shot down.

Final club, chatted to some women. Cant remember the exact things said by her as I was on pint number 15 but it must of been something like "I know your trying to chat me up but im not interested".

Then as I left, probably made an idiot of myself but saw this guy chatting to this woman in the street, he was getting quite angry and abusive towards her and she burst into tears. From a distance I called the police in case he started getting violent (Not sure if that was a good idea??)

Staggering home at no idea what time, I remember falling over a few times on the walk back, ripped my brand new coat.

Got in, tried eating a frozen pizza, urinated on my bedroom floor and got into bed.


Got up this morning and had a text off that girl I dumped a few weeks back. She told me she's so glad she dumped me because i'm a complete loser who doesnt have a life, has no ambition and won't ever change.

To top it all off, I had about £150 in my bank, checked earlier and that is all spent, also know I had about £60 on me to go out with. Got no cash left at all. Money I needed to pay rent and last me a few weeks all gone on booze, club entry's and gambling.



Booze is a killer, but the sad thing is, when I have a girlfriend, im not drunk like that at all. I would take any girl that wanted to be my girlfriend if it meant having a better life than I am now


----------



## bsd3355

^Sorry to hear the struggle, man.

I'll be the first to admit that meeting girls at bars is pretty tough sometimes, especially if you aren't in the right head space or you have SA, etc. I think for most people, it is a tough place to meet people unless you enjoy yourself and like going there. All I can say is that it takes balls to do what you did and I know the feeling you feel because I've been there too. A couple weeks ago I walked around the bars to maybe talk to some girls, and that was hard for me even though I've gone out to bars many times. It's tough.

I don't want to give off the impression like it's easy, and I don't want to give off the impression like you shouldn't feel bad, because the night scene is tough. Flat out. If I haven't been out to the bars for a while I will have to meditate and psych myself up because going alone is extremely socially awkward for starters, and then you have to approach on top of that, and then you have to be able to handle multiple rejections on top of that all while holding your composure so you don't end feeling bad like you did last night. No doubt, it's ****ing tough. In the world of dating, especially cold-approaching in club/bar environments, you'll get blown out and rejected a lot regardless of how you look or even if it was a decent approach. I think the trick there is to basically go in with the attitude that rejection is going to happen and try not to put your identity up to the outcomes of the night. There are companies that teach "night game" stuff and these guys have been doing it for least a decade and still get blown out or get nights where they get rejected all night. No doubt, it's tough, and it takes a certain amount of fortitude and a heap load of confidence.

People can think what they want of youtube accounts of dating companies teaching guys about confidence, etc., but I think if it helps you get things done and if it gives you that confidence enough to do it, then more power to ya!

If it was as easy as online dating then everyone would be doing it. Well, everyone IS doing online dating, and that's sometimes the problem.

Hope you get feeling better soon.


----------



## pete24

Thanks mate and some great words there. It is indeed very tough and I will probably have to get used to it.

The worst part I think is the long lasting impressions. Like that bar girl, I wont go to that pub ever again because I don't remember half the stuff I did and from the way the rest of the night went I probably made an idiot of myself which will be remembered.

It's like if I was drunk and kicked off with someone (I don't think I did). Thats a long lasting impression and when the person see's me next time they will think "theres the [email protected] who kicked off the other night" and not "well he was drunk, so its understandable".

Alcohol is both damaging and helpful for people with SA. The helpful side was I had confidence to do things that I would easily be able to do had I not had SA, the downside is too much confidence and not giving a crap who I offended or what people thought of me until the next day.

Then the next day when I sober up, I think was it worth it? If I didnt drink, I wouldnt of approached at all so people would feel neutral about me. Whereas because I did drink, theres bound to be some people who think im a complete idiot and when asked what they think about me, the reply would be "hes a complete d!ck" rather than "I dont know, I dont know him".

All this just to find 1 girl?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Thanks mate and some great words there. It is indeed very tough and I will probably have to get used to it.
> 
> The worst part I think is the long lasting impressions. Like that bar girl, I wont go to that pub ever again because I don't remember half the stuff I did and from the way the rest of the night went I probably made an idiot of myself which will be remembered.
> 
> It's like if I was drunk and kicked off with someone (I don't think I did). Thats a long lasting impression and when the person see's me next time they will think "theres the [email protected] who kicked off the other night" and not "well he was drunk, so its understandable".
> 
> Alcohol is both damaging and helpful for people with SA. The helpful side was I had confidence to do things that I would easily be able to do had I not had SA, the downside is too much confidence and not giving a crap who I offended or what people thought of me until the next day.
> 
> Then the next day when I sober up, I think was it worth it? If I didnt drink, I wouldnt of approached at all so people would feel neutral about me. Whereas because I did drink, theres bound to be some people who think im a complete idiot and when asked what they think about me, the reply would be "hes a complete d!ck" rather than "I dont know, I dont know him".
> 
> All this just to find 1 girl?


We all must fight our battles its what we are here for. If we were just given things they would be meaningless


----------



## bsd3355

I used to worry about the same thing, but my concern was more along the lines of "these people see me come here all the time alone to talk to girls. They probably think I'm a weirdo". Sometimes I would allow that voice to take over and I'd not go; other times, I'd skip that bar entirely and go to surrounding ones. Technically, they may see you differently, but they are there to serve you and not be someone you hang out with in your personal, personal life. They mainly just want to serve you and get their money. Everyone has opinions, and I know if you want it bad enough, then you won't allow those people's thoughts to stop you, because your reason to meet women is legit and I see no fault in it. Given the circumstance, it is almost reasonable to be seen getting drunk to talk to girls and make a fool of yourself. But you're probably right, getting wasted to talk to girls generally isn't the best move.

There is this one bar I haven't been to in months, but I posted about it on this thread that I asked a bartender for her number--something I don't usually do because I don't want to make my repeated visits too awkward--and she either gave me a fake number or I put it in wrong because it ended up supposedly being the wrong number. Ironically enough, not too long after that, I talked to a girl on campus and she was the OTHER bartender of that same bar! I didn't find out until later and some text messages, of course. She ended up flaking on me, even though she seemed nice. It's been a couple months since I've been to that bar and I thought I wouldn't be able to go there again for a while; time has passed and now I don't really care if they see me talking to girls in the bar, because, heck, I'm a guy and I have a right to talk to girls. Of course, I wasn't obnoxious to them or keep texting them, etc., after I realized they were both no-goes, so i didn't exactly embarrass myself, but I have been embarrassed by being seen by other bartenders plenty of times. I usually keep things respectable and I don't engage in bad behavior in bars. I've seen guys get thrown out before in front of me, and they just leave me alone. In most cases, bartenders see way worse **** on any given night, so it probably wasn't _that _bad after all.

You say, "all this to find 1 girl?". Personally, I wouldn't be going back doing the same thing over and over and going through certain things like that if I didn't believe I could get better. And I mean "get better" in the sense that I can get better in the way of confidence, because ultimately, if we were more confident and less affected by rejections then the bar scene would be much, much easier. Sure, I'd like to meet girls, but I realize how I feel tends to affect a lot of things as well. If I was solid inside and unaffected by things, even to a lesser degree, I could repeat going out and I know eventually I'd meet someone. Most the "bad nights", like you've experienced, aren't because of other people, but because of me and my internal affairs, which is why I know I can get "better" in that regard going out. When I do reach that level of confidence, which I have many times, then things tend to go much easier for me because my negative voice is gone and I care less what people think, which means I approach more, get rejected more, but ultimately date more too. So it's not really to just find "a girl". When you hear guys talk about "getting better with women", what they really mean is get better with themselves and the situation because rejection is inevitable and there is no way to escape it.

Also, ironically, the better you feel about yourself, the less awkward you come across and the more welcoming people are to talk to you. A lot of the time people response negatively to you because you are ignoring social "rules" and coming off rude or blatant or you are so awkward that you are uncomfortable or give off weird vibes.

Personal bar lessons:
1. Only take 10 dollars with you to spend
2. Treat all the staff with respect
3. Don't hit on staff unless you want to risk feeling unwelcome in the future if something goes "wrong"
4. When talking to people in the bar, don't cause trouble (obviously)
5. Don't get drunk alone

Do that and you'l be fine going all the time to the same bar.

One last thing: confidence changes, and so it can hurt you to think that one day you'll always be confident enough to do something like this consistently. You can learn how to trust yourself, learn the steps to confidence and action, and give yourself a better opportunity of success, and learn from failure, but confidence is fluid with this stuff. So when you are feeling low in self-esteem or confidence, it helps to realize it's a wave, and you can ride that wave to higher heights or lower depths and use it to your advantage, ignore it, etc. That depends on how much you want something and if you are willing to put in the work for it; if it's worth it to you.


----------



## pete24

Thanks again, just popping to bed so will have a full read through you post when im up.

Although the personal bar lesson number 5 is impossible for me, since I have no friends, I can either get drunk alone or not drink at all and stay in the house alone.

I know the feeling will go eventually. Like in 2 weeks when all is forgotten. Until then I gotta spend a few days moping around and feeling crap to get it out of my system.

If my only way to have a chance with the women is to booze it up and approach... Then im better off alone because the alcohol is really killing me :/


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Thanks again, just popping to bed so will have a full read through you post when im up.
> 
> Although the personal bar lesson number 5 is impossible for me, since I have no friends, I can either get drunk alone or not drink at all and stay in the house alone.
> 
> I know the feeling will go eventually. Like in 2 weeks when all is forgotten. Until then I gotta spend a few days moping around and feeling crap to get it out of my system.
> 
> If my only way to have a chance with the women is to booze it up and approach... Then im better off alone because the alcohol is really killing me :/


Go with what you feel is right. I'm not here trying to convince you that you should go to bars or even put yourself out there. I'm just giving my two cents. I don't want the fall back on me if your journey ends up in any way bad lol. That's your call obviously


----------



## Zeeshan

So I could use some advice I have been seeing S for a month now but my insecurities have been acting up. 

Were very gf/bf but yesterday I saw her phone and she was messaging a guy she met on POF. I talked to her about it and she said she won't do it again but seeking attention 

Also its certain things. I felt like she was loose down there so I read up on it and she drinks a lot like literally every night 

I dont know if I can trust her at the same time she has mentioned that I haven't made her gf and until said time blah blah

Don't know what action to take. She does a lot for me like cleans up my place calls me first thing in the morning at the same time she has a lot of guy friends. Don't know If I'm insecure or she is still getting around. She claims that I am the first person she Has been with in 6 months. When I'm with her I believe her but when she goes the doubt's come in


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So I could use some advice I have been seeing S for a month now but my insecurities have been acting up.
> 
> Were very gf/bf but yesterday I saw her phone and she was messaging a guy she met on POF. I talked to her about it and she said she won't do it again but seeking attention
> 
> Also its certain things. I felt like she was loose down there so I read up on it and she drinks a lot like literally every night
> 
> I dont know if I can trust her at the same time she has mentioned that I haven't made her gf and until said time blah blah
> 
> Don't know what action to take. She does a lot for me like cleans up my place calls me first thing in the morning at the same time she has a lot of guy friends. Don't know If I'm insecure or she is still getting around. She claims that I am the first person she Has been with in 6 months. When I'm with her I believe her but when she goes the doubt's come in


So I called her up and messaged my concern. She said she gave said guy the number 3 weeks ago when we had only gone on two dates and yes he was messaging her but she wasnt really messaging back (doesn't really use phone when she is with me). N technically it wasn't until last week we went exclusive. Also she was like well I trust you even though another girl called you when you were with me

She didn't sound pissed but said she won't message back. Nor did she act like I was being insecure.

There have been other issues like last week I didn't know where she was n she told me she went to the movies with cousin I was very paranoid and thought she was lying but no she was being honest BC I accidently saw the movie ticket and it was a kid movie

She was like baby you need to trust me when I said I'm your gf that's what I am. So after talking to her I feel better.

Somehow I don't see her as the cheating type BC she is becoming a doctor and seems very intelligent. Even she has a special ringtone for me when sleeping so if I call phone rings

I say 30% chance she is cheating but she has been so upfront and even let's me hold her phone

Were going shopping for a new suit for me tomorrow will update on proceedings. I really don't want paranoia getting to me


----------



## jimity

Zeeshan said:


> Then perhaps you can send their systems into shock with some ruthless treatment of the your own


Women are suckers for charm I hear.


----------



## trymed

I am leaving giant mouse traps around downtown with expensive shoes instead of cheese. Sooner or later it'll work


----------



## trymed

SilentLuke said:


> how are the two related :blank


Well... sometimes when a boy bee meets a flower it takes away some Polen and distills it to make bee vodka and gives it to a girl bee who drinks it all and ends up screwing one of his friends.... and then the boy bee gets all depressed and becomes a queen bee and starts making eggs and little baby bees everywhere.

didn't your parent ever teach you anything?


----------



## Anxious101

22 kissless friendless decent looking virgin checking in, I don't even get mad because it's all my fault anyway. I just try to avoid looking at women nowadays because if I ever look in any girl's direction she just puts her head down. That's life I guess when you have a crappy rare weirdo disorder like this.


----------



## jimity

Read pick up books. Useful only if you don't have social anxiety to go out and use the techniques in them.


----------



## lefthand

trymed said:


> I am leaving giant mouse traps around downtown with expensive shoes instead of cheese. Sooner or later it'll work


 :|

There's so many easier ways to do this:_
~Trap a woman in the corner of a room and eventually in your life.~
~While in an elevator with a woman press a button higher than her's and make a big deal out of it.~
~Force her to make you pancakes in the middle of the night.~
~Make up a story of how you murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone deep inside her body called insatia.~_


----------



## SilentLyric

trymed said:


> Well... sometimes when a boy bee meets a flower it takes away some Polen and distills it to make bee vodka and gives it to a girl bee who drinks it all and ends up screwing one of his friends.... and then the boy bee gets all depressed and becomes a queen bee and starts making eggs and little baby bees everywhere.
> 
> didn't your parent ever teach you anything?


wow omg thanks. will never see life the same way.


----------



## trymed

lefthand said:


> :|
> 
> There's so many easier ways to do this:_
> ~Trap a woman in the corner of a room and eventually in your life.~
> ~While in an elevator with a woman press a button higher than her's and make a big deal out of it.~
> ~Force her to make you pancakes in the middle of the night.~
> ~Make up a story of how you murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone deep inside her body called insatia.~_


None of that sounds any easier to me.

Mouse trap + Gucci = hot chicks. 
Efficiency and simplicity.


----------



## trymed

SilentLuke said:


> wow omg thanks. will never see life the same way.


*tips hat*


----------



## Brandeezy

Will i ever find a girl who likes me for me even though i have no personality? Probably not.


----------



## trymed

Brandeezy said:


> Will i ever find a girl who likes me for me even though i have no personality? Probably not.


You will.

btu you'll wish you didn't........

Hehe


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Will i ever find a girl who likes me for me even though i have no personality? Probably not.


What happend to M

You still didn't make your move?


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> What happend to M
> 
> You still didn't make your move?


She's not interested anymore. It's weird, after the date we barely talk anymore. Just hi and bye or what time do you start". I think the date was worse than i thought unfortunately


----------



## Corvus Cowl

Well just found out that a girl I like has a boyfriend through subtle conversation thanks to my friend. As he suggested, it's better to get try to be friends with girls rather than straight ask them out, and who knows, perhaps the chick I like will not be in a relationship later on. But for the time being, I will continue on the prowl! Onward to making friends with the women-people!


----------



## pete24

Some luck today.

Had a browse on POF. Saw some nice looking girl's profile. I'm sure we spoke before but she removed her profile soon after so I messaged her.

She said she doesnt think it was her but we started talking. Shes actually making good attempts at flowing the convo. Like I said about how my weekend was and she said shes going to be nosey and start asking me questions (in a joking way). 

Could finally be a chance.

Edit: Shes been telling me how easy it is to talk to me. Had some compliments, messages were about 400 words each... Good sign's


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> She's not interested anymore. It's weird, after the date we barely talk anymore. Just hi and bye or what time do you start". I think the date was worse than i thought unfortunately


Nope. You didn't make your move. You van still man up and do it.

Do you know how to kiss a girl?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Some luck today.
> 
> Had a browse on POF. Saw some nice looking girl's profile. I'm sure we spoke before but she removed her profile soon after so I messaged her.
> 
> She said she doesnt think it was her but we started talking. Shes actually making good attempts at flowing the convo. Like I said about how my weekend was and she said shes going to be nosey and start asking me questions (in a joking way).
> 
> Could finally be a chance.
> 
> Edit: Shes been telling me how easy it is to talk to me. Had some compliments, messages were about 400 words each... Good sign's


All right man interesting


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> All right man interesting


Sure is. Did my usual snoop for her name in google and came up with loads more pictures. Exactly my type, has had similar life experiences.

She was even sweet enough to be up early this morning and message me before she left for work at 5am. She said how the match system shows us as a good match.

It's been the sort of drive I have needed to boost me forward


----------



## pete24

Update: It's been all good, the girl is :O :O super hot. She really likes me, shes been the 1 adding me on facebook, asking for my number and when I suggested meeting in a few weeks if we continue to get on well, she suggested meeting this week :O (Well next Monday). 

This is me in a relationship, 100%..... Actually im not going to be too big headed but shes agreed with my date plan and I have never once failed a date with my date plan.


Edit: After typing this, I used my detective skills, found a few not so good pictures of her online (duck faces, other bad look's), but im just gonna roll with it. She has a really good personality and can look super hot. Only a blip


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Update: It's been all good, the girl is :O :O super hot. She really likes me, shes been the 1 adding me on facebook, asking for my number and when I suggested meeting in a few weeks if we continue to get on well, she suggested meeting this week :O (Well next Monday).
> 
> This is me in a relationship, 100%..... Actually im not going to be too big headed but shes agreed with my date plan and I have never once failed a date with my date plan.
> 
> Edit: After typing this, I used my detective skills, found a few not so good pictures of her online (duck faces, other bad look's), but im just gonna roll with it. She has a really good personality and can look super hot. Only a blip


Look what exactly are you afraid off by seeing bad pictures.....this girl likes you go for it. Stop Internet stalking and give it a chance.

you shouldnt become so obsessed with her, its always turned out to be a bad sign for me. Sometimes just lay off a bit.

I regret reading bodybuilding forum, because those guys are convinced that all women are cheaters, but i think it depends on the women


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> She's not interested anymore. It's weird, after the date we barely talk anymore. Just hi and bye or what time do you start". I think the date was worse than i thought unfortunately


The best way to gauge interest is to just ask her out again. Don't ever, ever leave it in the woman's hands (unless she happens to suggest it first). A couple days after the first date, you should have just asked her to hang out again and gone from there. Taking initiative like that can actually make her interested again if she wasn't _all_ that interested before. And sometimes it takes 2 or 3 dates before a girl knows how interested she is anyway. But if she isn't, at least you know for sure right away and can move on immediately.

Telling her you have no friends, possibly a red flag, but not the worst thing in the world...it would really depend on how you said it. If you did and you seemed embarrassed about it, huge turnoff. If you turned it into a positive, e.g. "I'm kind of a lone wolf, I like to do my own thing. I have a lot of passions and hobbies so I don't have as much time for a social life, but I do really want to start going out more." - turn on. Confidence in what you do.

I would still say give it one more shot (unless she flat out said no already). Tell her you think she's cute and interesting and you want another chance to show her a great time.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Look what exactly are you afraid off by seeing bad pictures.....this girl likes you go for it. Stop Internet stalking and give it a chance.
> 
> you shouldnt become so obsessed with her, its always turned out to be a bad sign for me. Sometimes just lay off a bit.
> 
> I regret reading bodybuilding forum, because those guys are convinced that all women are cheaters, but i think it depends on the women


I wouldnt say im obsessed with her, but it's just her travel expenses will be about £50 for the day, so not really fair on her to come down thinking im really keen, but then decide differently when I see her.

It does yeah. I never have concerns of any girl cheating because I have never been cheated on. The closest it came was when I found out this 1 girl had been dirty texting some guy behind my back, she swore nothing happened and nothing would of happened. I found out quite a while after we finished that she did actually cheat but I was well over her.

I never date women in my area online because experience shows most women in this tiny town are slag's or addicted to crack, so as theres distance and cost involved, I have to be certain it's someone I would be happy to have as my girlfriend before wasting both our time and money


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> The best way to gauge interest is to just ask her out again. Don't ever, ever leave it in the woman's hands (unless she happens to suggest it first). A couple days after the first date, you should have just asked her to hang out again and gone from there. Taking initiative like that can actually make her interested again if she wasn't _all_ that interested before. And sometimes it takes 2 or 3 dates before a girl knows how interested she is anyway. But if she isn't, at least you know for sure right away and can move on immediately.
> 
> Telling her you have no friends, possibly a red flag, but not the worst thing in the world...it would really depend on how you said it. If you did and you seemed embarrassed about it, huge turnoff. If you turned it into a positive, e.g. "I'm kind of a lone wolf, I like to do my own thing. I have a lot of passions and hobbies so I don't have as much time for a social life, but I do really want to start going out more." - turn on. Confidence in what you do.
> 
> I would still say give it one more shot (unless she flat out said no already). Tell her you think she's cute and interesting and you want another chance to show her a great time.


I dont think he should do this, unless he knows he can make a move. Otherwise the results will be the same.

I think he can make his move anywhere hanging out with her. However unless he is ready to make it, all is waste


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I dont think he should do this, unless he knows he can make a move. Otherwise the results will be the same.
> 
> I think he can make his move anywhere hanging out with her. However unless he is ready to make it, all is waste


You can't just be ready to make a move if you've never done it before. You just have to do it, ready or not.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> You can't just be ready to make a move if you've never done it before. You just have to do it, ready or not.


That's the problem

You have to do it. I trust myself immensely now when the time is right and the opportunity arises I can make my move


----------



## IcedOver

Over four months wasted -- two women, dozens of e-mails, a bunch of texts, a phone call, an in-person meeting with one, plans and promises made, and what do I have to show for it? Zero, zilch, zip, nada. This is the week. If I don't hear from the one remaining woman this week, that's it. I'm laying into her and terminating this conversation. Unless you work at a nuclear missile silo, you can check your e-mail for responses in an ongoing intimate conversation and reply.


----------



## pete24

IcedOver said:


> Over four months wasted -- two women, dozens of e-mails, a bunch of texts, a phone call, an in-person meeting with one, plans and promises made, and what do I have to show for it? Zero, zilch, zip, nada. This is the week. If I don't hear from the one remaining woman this week, that's it. I'm laying into her and terminating this conversation. Unless you work at a nuclear missile silo, you can check your e-mail for responses in an ongoing intimate conversation and reply.


Sound's painful, I know how annoying it can become. Hopefully she does reply


----------



## bsd3355

Just had one of the most awkward dates I have ever been on.

Basically, it was a first meet up with a girl I met on campus. I told her to meet me at the main part of the campus around 7pm, and she agreed. My week has been extremely full, including today, and when I got there, I arrived 5 minutes before she got there, every cell in my body didn't want to be there. I was tired, agitated, didn't feel like talking and felt like I had nothing to offer.

I saw her coming when I was sitting down waiting for her to show up. For some reason, I have this thing in my head that I tell myself sometimes that she sees me and instantly regrets coming. I just imagined that's what her face said when she was walking over. It's retarded, and probably due a lot to how I felt at the time. I met her two days ago, and so I don't know why I have been putting this idea into my head that they think I look a certain way before they meet me and then change their minds, but I just have been doing that.

Anyway, she got there around 7pm. My energy was ****. She sat down and my voice was weak because of how I felt inside. I was more agitated than anything because I felt like people were watching and I felt like I needed more energy and a better vibe and it just got me upset inside. I was struggling to make small talk and she wasn't giving much and it felt awkward, and so I said, "I'm really tired today. I was here earlier as well at my campus and I'm just ready to crash. I should probably get going.", and I said all this within 5-10 minutes of her arriving. So I forced it, and basically was angry still and kind of gave her the cold shoulder because I was just agitated in general and said "Yeah, cya." coldly. Very awkward. So, from the beginning, it was all bad and even when I got up to leave it was bad.

I texted her 10 minutes later when I got home and said sorry for it being awkward and told her why I felt that way. Because I basically knew that I'd never see her again I just told her I'm basically interested in dating people and if she's not that's cool. I just felt like throwing that out there for some strange reason. Anyway, she didn't respond. I'm definitely not surprised. Definitely one of the worst dates I can think of, if not the worst.

Right now, my assumption is that most these girls that have been meeting up with me are doing so because they are interested in meeting people in general and not because they want to date. But, then again, some come dressed up and I highly doubt they would dress that way if they weren't under the impression of a date. If that's the case, then I guess I'm just not their type, which is cool.

Honestly, I'm not sweating it. I don't care too much. I look at it as a learning experience. I am always amazed at when you feel like you hit a wall, you tend to learn something new that helps you, whether it be some type of mental re-frame or just acceptance, or w/e. My tolerance has gone up a lot. I simply have lost a lot of concern about rejection in general, and I see it as part of the process, as it is. I feel like I have successfully, to a degree, learned how to focus on the positives and put less emphasis on all the rest, which is great. Eventually I may hit a wall of frustration, but my tolerance is pretty high now as I've been through this enough already.

The couple other first dates I had seem to be flaking (not surprisingly). I have another first date tomorrow with a girl I met today on campus. Told her to meet up at the student center, but I think I'm going to skip that one and suggest something else, because I'm getting tired of it. Something new for a change would be nice.

A lot of my focus has been focused on first date testers, and by that I mean, throwing out fast first dates to give the girl a better idea if she wants to move things forward or not. The way I do things is I'll get a number pretty fast off a girl and we both haven't even had a chance to really test out what we think of each other yet, so I like to do fast first dates as a foundation. Although I can't tell for sure, I think it's 50/50 so far on whether these girls are meeting up under a friend social context or under the context of a date. The fast first date is a way for me to give the girls a chance to decide. I decided to do this because in the past girls wouldn't go past the first date, and I think they didn't go back the first date because they were using the first date as a tester themselves to see if they wanted to date me or not. So I don't look at first dates as anything "in the bag", as it definitely doesn't seem to be. After the first date things seem to be 50/50 still and uncertain. If the girl keeps dating you then you can be pretty sure she likes you in that way, and you can be 100% sure she likes you that way if she keeps hanging out with you after you've made a physical move (kiss, etc.).

I'm just tired of beating around the bush. A girl can look like the sweetest, most adorable, innocent person in the world, but she'll ditch you in a second if you don't meet her standards, which tend to be more demanding the more social or attractive they are. Don't let looks fool you. And don't let the way a girl acts fool you. You can walk down the street at look at a seemingly innocent looking person and they are no different from anyone else typically. Don't judge a book by its cover. Don't always pay attention to what they say, as a lot just are polite, and lying. Always judge by their actions. They aren't cruel for being that way because everyone is that way. Just don't be naive is all I'm saying.

I'll often get the most friendliest upbeat and exited texts you can imagine from girls I just met, but it doesn't mean ****. You can go on a date with a girl and feel like she was into you and everything was good and went smooth, but that doesn't always meet **** either. You have to get it more time and you have to see a pattern of actions over a period of time to know for sure.

Horrible, horrible date. But it probably wouldn't of gone anywhere anyways lol. So w/e.


Winning? **** it. Winning


----------



## pete24

Good work though mate, at least it was an attempt and was worth a go.

Tomorrow is........ MY BIG DAY!!

The date was pushed forward, was planned as Monday evening, now its tomorrow.

I don't know how I feel. Not really nervous, maybe a bit excited.

I guess the weird feeling comes from not knowing her as well as I would with other women I met online (Usually I meet them after a month of chatting... not a few days).

Im going to be drinking and will have a few before I meet her so I gain a bit more confidence. The crappy thing is shes already said she wont be drinking, So I know if I make any drunken slipup's, she will remember them . 

It's going to be 1 of those dates where i'm confident and 80% sure she will like me, it's mostly about weather I will like her.


----------



## bsd3355

Thanks. She did finally text me back about 15 minutes ago saying not to worry about coming off weird and that she's not interested in dating atm and she understand why I said that. So, at least now I don't feel as awkward 

Yeah, good luck with the date. Just be yourself and enjoy your company and you'll be fine. Sounds good.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Just had one of the most awkward dates I have ever been on.
> 
> Basically, it was a first meet up with a girl I met on campus. I told her to meet me at the main part of the campus around 7pm, and she agreed. My week has been extremely full, including today, and when I got there, I arrived 5 minutes before she got there, every cell in my body didn't want to be there. I was tired, agitated, didn't feel like talking and felt like I had nothing to offer.
> 
> I saw her coming when I was sitting down waiting for her to show up. For some reason, I have this thing in my head that I tell myself sometimes that she sees me and instantly regrets coming. I just imagined that's what her face said when she was walking over. It's retarded, and probably due a lot to how I felt at the time. I met her two days ago, and so I don't know why I have been putting this idea into my head that they think I look a certain way before they meet me and then change their minds, but I just have been doing that.
> 
> Anyway, she got there around 7pm. My energy was ****. She sat down and my voice was weak because of how I felt inside. I was more agitated than anything because I felt like people were watching and I felt like I needed more energy and a better vibe and it just got me upset inside. I was struggling to make small talk and she wasn't giving much and it felt awkward, and so I said, "I'm really tired today. I was here earlier as well at my campus and I'm just ready to crash. I should probably get going.", and I said all this within 5-10 minutes of her arriving. So I forced it, and basically was angry still and kind of gave her the cold shoulder because I was just agitated in general and said "Yeah, cya." coldly. Very awkward. So, from the beginning, it was all bad and even when I got up to leave it was bad.
> 
> I texted her 10 minutes later when I got home and said sorry for it being awkward and told her why I felt that way. Because I basically knew that I'd never see her again I just told her I'm basically interested in dating people and if she's not that's cool. I just felt like throwing that out there for some strange reason. Anyway, she didn't respond. I'm definitely not surprised. Definitely one of the worst dates I can think of, if not the worst.
> 
> Right now, my assumption is that most these girls that have been meeting up with me are doing so because they are interested in meeting people in general and not because they want to date. But, then again, some come dressed up and I highly doubt they would dress that way if they weren't under the impression of a date. If that's the case, then I guess I'm just not their type, which is cool.
> 
> Honestly, I'm not sweating it. I don't care too much. I look at it as a learning experience. I am always amazed at when you feel like you hit a wall, you tend to learn something new that helps you, whether it be some type of mental re-frame or just acceptance, or w/e. My tolerance has gone up a lot. I simply have lost a lot of concern about rejection in general, and I see it as part of the process, as it is. I feel like I have successfully, to a degree, learned how to focus on the positives and put less emphasis on all the rest, which is great. Eventually I may hit a wall of frustration, but my tolerance is pretty high now as I've been through this enough already.
> 
> The couple other first dates I had seem to be flaking (not surprisingly). I have another first date tomorrow with a girl I met today on campus. Told her to meet up at the student center, but I think I'm going to skip that one and suggest something else, because I'm getting tired of it. Something new for a change would be nice.
> 
> A lot of my focus has been focused on first date testers, and by that I mean, throwing out fast first dates to give the girl a better idea if she wants to move things forward or not. The way I do things is I'll get a number pretty fast off a girl and we both haven't even had a chance to really test out what we think of each other yet, so I like to do fast first dates as a foundation. Although I can't tell for sure, I think it's 50/50 so far on whether these girls are meeting up under a friend social context or under the context of a date. The fast first date is a way for me to give the girls a chance to decide. I decided to do this because in the past girls wouldn't go past the first date, and I think they didn't go back the first date because they were using the first date as a tester themselves to see if they wanted to date me or not. So I don't look at first dates as anything "in the bag", as it definitely doesn't seem to be. After the first date things seem to be 50/50 still and uncertain. If the girl keeps dating you then you can be pretty sure she likes you in that way, and you can be 100% sure she likes you that way if she keeps hanging out with you after you've made a physical move (kiss, etc.).
> 
> I'm just tired of beating around the bush. A girl can look like the sweetest, most adorable, innocent person in the world, but she'll ditch you in a second if you don't meet her standards, which tend to be more demanding the more social or attractive they are. Don't let looks fool you. And don't let the way a girl acts fool you. You can walk down the street at look at a seemingly innocent looking person and they are no different from anyone else typically. Don't judge a book by its cover. Don't always pay attention to what they say, as a lot just are polite, and lying. Always judge by their actions. They aren't cruel for being that way because everyone is that way. Just don't be naive is all I'm saying.
> 
> I'll often get the most friendliest upbeat and exited texts you can imagine from girls I just met, but it doesn't mean ****. You can go on a date with a girl and feel like she was into you and everything was good and went smooth, but that doesn't always meet **** either. You have to get it more time and you have to see a pattern of actions over a period of time to know for sure.
> 
> Horrible, horrible date. But it probably wouldn't of gone anywhere anyways lol. So w/e.
> 
> Winning? **** it. Winning


Respectfully your assumption is wrong. They are getting together with you because they want to date you IMO. Girls only follow attraction

I think that you are a true inspiration, just based on your ability to cold approach and date.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Good work though mate, at least it was an attempt and was worth a go.
> 
> Tomorrow is........ MY BIG DAY!!
> 
> The date was pushed forward, was planned as Monday evening, now its tomorrow.
> 
> I don't know how I feel. Not really nervous, maybe a bit excited.
> 
> I guess the weird feeling comes from not knowing her as well as I would with other women I met online (Usually I meet them after a month of chatting... not a few days).
> 
> Im going to be drinking and will have a few before I meet her so I gain a bit more confidence. The crappy thing is shes already said she wont be drinking, So I know if I make any drunken slipup's, she will remember them .
> 
> It's going to be 1 of those dates where i'm confident and 80% sure she will like me, it's mostly about weather I will like her.


Good luck man


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways, i have been seeing this girl S, since i guess the start of August, and practically spent the last two weeks together.

So yesterday, i took the day off to hangout with her, she went into one of the stores to get a drink, and i took the oppurtunity to look through her phone (Wrong i know, i dont care) and guess what i found. Another guy from POF who she had given her number to in the last week. After she had told me that she was done there :blank:blank

So i was like thats it, i cant deal with this. After garbage sex, the worst of my life, i told her it was over. I didnt confront her, i told her the sex wasnt good, and we werent a physical match :blank to which she responded that if i wanted to i can keep women on the side (This is a basic chic logic tactic, She knew she is the cheating kind, and was basically proposing an open relationship. I am not okay with stuff like that)

I told her lets just be friends, and my heart broke a llittle. Practically i had spent the entire month with her, and was suppose to meet her sister tommorrow. :blank

Anyhow, i cant deal with cheaters. Even if she was just flirting. 

Truth is i was never really that into her, and still suffering from my breakup with A. With A i felt like walking on a cloud, with her it was just like meh. I want to feel that way again,


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Respectfully your assumption is wrong. They are getting together with you because they want to date you IMO. Girls only follow attraction
> 
> I think that you are a true inspiration, just based on your ability to cold approach and date.


I've only been on three first dates this semester thus far. I think it is too early to assume much anything, and I don't really care to focus on that anyway. For now, it is what it is.

Thanks. I've noticed in the past that I tend to dislike dating after a certain amount of times back to back. That's kind of how it feels now. I have another--I don't know whether to call it a date or a meet up--with a girl tonight but I'd rather sit at home and relax. This week has been killer for me and I haven't had anytime to just chill and recharge due to school, work, meeting girls on campus and dating. I may cancel on the date. Problem with canceling with girls I don't really know is a lot of the times it ruins a future meet up chance, but I don't care too much either. I have an abundance mindset, and it's real, and not some fake jargon I tell myself.


----------



## pete24

drunken words oops


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> What did I say?
> 
> Cockiness aka nup.
> 
> You know I said before 99% all was good?
> 
> nah it wasnt, n after the date................ that's it


Expand bro....you cant tell us some of the store, and just thats it


----------



## Zeeshan

Something has happend to me, i dont know if i am depressed or anxious or what. I dont want women right now, i feel angry and bitter and depressed. I am starting to think none of them are trustworthy, especially those that use online dating.

Today i saw two or three girls, and i wasnt even turned on. Not even a bit, and the thought of sex is repulsing me right now, to the point of disgust.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

What am I doing to get a girl? The same thing I'm doing to get a life. :lol

The circumstances of both problems are pretty much the same. I wouldn't know what to do with a girl or a life if I had them. I was born to breathe, eat, sleep and poop (the internet gets wedged in the blank spaces). I didn't make the decision that brought me here and can't take it back so here I am.


----------



## pete24

more drunken stuff (oops)


----------



## srschirm

Me and my girlfriend!:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/two-posters-meet-on-august-23rd-609193/#post1066345393


----------



## Zeeshan

srschirm said:


> Me and my girlfriend!:
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/two-posters-meet-on-august-23rd-609193/#post1066345393


Good stuff


----------



## handsup

I can not do any shhhh$t to get a girl but I want to do, man. I want to. I do not know what I can do, man. I did not even talk to a girl for the last BIG F-CKING "5 YEARS", brother!


----------



## Corvus Cowl

Well I'm trying to lose my gut (or at the very least make it so I don't look like I am going through my third-trimester when not sucking it in), and I am going to get a new computer to do video-game playthrough commentaries to work on my voice acting (plus I just want a new gaming rig).

In short, I am setting goals. I hear chicks dig guys with goals


----------



## pete24

Oops, excuse my drunken posts. Was so drunk, gutted, depressed. I literally didnt move from bed on sunday :O

Anyway... to the date.

Never failed a date since my first ever date, so confidence was high for this 1.

I made the exact date plan which has always worked.

It was disaster from the start. We planned to meet each other at 2pm. I got on bus to town and then she text saying she wont arrive until gone 4pm because her mate is taking her to the station so she can save a few quid in taxi fare.

Fair enough, just meant more beers before we met :/.

Finally at 4pm we met up. She looked a bit bigger than I thought, but she was hot, things started going really well. Non stop talking, relating to our similarities and it was a general laugh. I thought it would be another successful date.

The plan of action was crazy golf and it started off well. We kept sitting down to chat and it was talking 20 mins to go through 1 hole because of the amount of talking we were doing.

At 1 point we were messing about and I asked if shes ticklish and tried to tickle her under the chin. I always try that on long dates because it's a good icebreaker to make our 1st bit of physical contact. She seemed cool with it.

Anyways. On the 5th hole I was giving her a bit of background on this town, saying how because theres factory's we have had problems with mass immigration and it's turned the town into a place with very few jobs. I explained my views on it (that im not racist, etc).

Suddenly she started rushing through the golf course, stopped taking it seriously, seemed like she wanted to just get through the course and go home as soon as possible.

When we finished, she started looking on her phone for train times. It was about 7pm, 1 of the trains was 7:45pm, the other was 9:45pm. She wanted to get the 7:45pm so after her rushing through crazy golf and wanting to get the earliest train, I knew something was up.

Outside the final pub I asked her what was wrong and knew it was the whole thing I said about the immigrants. She said it's disgusting and she has immigrant friends. I explained me too but this town has had it's problems with too many here who refuse to socialise with us brit's, thus we always get articles in the local papers all the time about it.

She said something like "well this town is disgusting".

Anyway. In the pub, we sat at table, she didnt want a drink. I went to bar and then was considering leaving out the back, but thought id best go back and walk her to the station. We held hands a bit at the table, and then I walked her to the station.

We still spoke a fair bit and it seemed like things were saved.

At the station we sat in near silence. I was in 2 minds if to just get up and leave her but I waited until the train arrived.

I felt awkward so when the train arrived, I just said "bye" and didnt go for a hug or kiss.

She said she would txt me when she got back in.

Feeling a bit drunk I sent a txt 15 mins later saying I got the feeling that wasnt a good date, we didnt get on well enough, she didnt seem happy and it's a shame.

Her reply was something like "I agree". She said that she didnt like me tickling her ("you just shouldnt do that!!" was what she put).

Her plan was to meet me again for a bit longer to see if there was any more of a spark but as I said I didnt think it was a good date, she doesnt think it's a good idea to meet again.

I went to to pub after for a reflection pint and then get a taxi home. Saw a mate there who kept buying me drinks, ended up wasted.

What a funny week though.

Last saturday I was wasted, Sunday I was depressed, Monday I got talking to this girl and really felt happy and I was getting somewhere. Then it's panned out to be the same weekend as last weekend, Yesterday was wasted, today I spent all day in bed, mega depressed and feel like crap


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Oops, excuse my drunken posts. Was so drunk, gutted, depressed. I literally didnt move from bed on sunday :O
> 
> Anyway... to the date.
> (


well that sucks,

so up and down huh pete. Well let me tell you i know the feel bud. I know that feel


----------



## pete24

Hehe, its crap isnt it. In theory it should of gone down well. That date plan is 1 that has worked so many times. 

The last last 7 or 8 dates that have been based on that plan have all worked like a dream. On them we at very least had a kiss. 3 of them we decided to give a relationship a go after the date, 2 of the dates they even came back to mine.



After the booze when she went home, Iv gotta start looking at my life again. Splitting headache all day.

SA is a heavy cause for my drinking. I don't want to drink at all. I hate alcohol, hate ending up having too many, making an idiot of myself and then living in severe depression mode for the next week.

Without alcohol though I wouldnt have a life, would be in my room all the time, never would have any dates.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Without alcohol though I wouldnt have a life, would be in my room all the time, never would have any dates.


No, alcohol is a crutch you use, or as an excuse. Just like how I used to smoke cigarettes in social situations, that too was a crutch. Crutches aren't the causes for your success, and I don't think you think it is. Using crutches to get anywhere is an excuse; a cop-out. Whether you know that or not, it's sad to think alcohol is what enables you to do social things, and it also sad to bow down to that excuse so easily. Obviously, it is causing you problems, so stop it or just use it as another excuse of why you can't control yourself. You are making yourself a victim, when you are better than that, almost as if you are feeling sorry for yourself. I think you know darn well you can succeed at this without alcohol. If you don't, then you may have issues you need to see a professional with.

A better form of confidence is earned confidence through going through the trails and errors that are inevitable along the journey.

A lot of what people say on these forums are just excuses, flat out.

I do think it is awesome you are going after the things you want though! That's commendable!


----------



## bsd3355

srschirm said:


> Me and my girlfriend!:
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/two-posters-meet-on-august-23rd-609193/#post1066345393


Awesome, man! I'm glad you were able to find someone on through the forums.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> No, alcohol is a crutch you use, or as an excuse. Just like how I used to smoke cigarettes in social situations, that too was a crutch. Crutches aren't the causes for your success, and I don't think you think it is. Using crutches to get anywhere is an excuse; a cop-out. Whether you know that or not, it's sad to think alcohol is what enables you to do social things, and it also sad to bow down to that excuse so easily. Obviously, it is causing you problems, so stop it or just use it as another excuse of why you can't control yourself. You are making yourself a victim, when you are better than that, almost as if you are feeling sorry for yourself. I think you know darn well you can succeed at this without alcohol. If you don't, then you may have issues you need to see a professional with.
> 
> A better form of confidence is earned confidence through going through the trails and errors that are inevitable along the journey.


Dude, I honestly cant.

As for professional help. As I put before. I went and saw several dr's on the advice of some people I knew years back who said they could see I was sinking into heavy depression.

Even after an attempt on my own life, it came to the same diagnosis... Stress related problems. Something pretty minor.

When I hit rock bottom earlier this year, I reluctantly went again with a family member who could back me up and try to get a diagnosis. On the tests I was borderline severe depression, they diagnosed it as "reactive depression". I was given a few bits of medication and when I went down a few weeks later, to my amazement the DR stopped signing me off and in not so many words said im cured.

I spoke about my SA and they said that if drinking helps, carry on with it but try not to drink too much.

In this small town, there is long term damage done by trying to get somewhere without alcohol.

I have tried it so many times. Never have I met some girl, dated or anything without booze and the reason for that is im unable to do it. My first ever date was without any alcohol, I failed it miserably and was able to turn a girl from really liking me and being attracted to me to thinking im a loser and never wanting anything to do with me again.

I must have some bad strain of SA or something because when im out in public (On my own due to no friends), i'm a total wreck. I actually look like someone who has parkinsons disease. To "cure" that.... how many attempts would it take of being out in public without booze?? 50? 100? It has to be a high amount to build up my confidence to a level that im able to socialise with people without alcohol.

I'm 30, not getting any younger. I'm 31 quite soon. What do I do? Spend the next 5 or 6 years trying to cure my SA and miss out on some opportunities along the way because of being a nervous wreck?

In 5 years time my life wont be worth living anyway because women around my age will mostly be damaged goods with baggage (out of a divorce, single parent, which I simply don't want to go for). Also by then my grandmother probably wont be alive so i'll have to become a 24/7 carer for my mother or put her in a care home .

Time isn't on my side in life at all. If I look to sort out my SA without alcohol, it could be too late by time im sorted. Whilst alcohol for now is a quick fix, it gives me a chance of finding someone to have a relationship with and gives me the chance to get on with life as normal before it's too late


----------



## bsd3355

If you want to overcome your negative pessimistic ways of thinking you need to challenge them. There is also a level of acceptance one needs to realize. When it comes to dating, acceptance is knowing rejection is inevitable and pretty high, so if you can't handle that then you probably haven't accepted that yet. You probably tie an extraordinary large portion of your self-esteem to rejection; every rejection is a blow to your esteem and ego. You probably lack an abundance mind set, which means you don't feel like you can meet the women you want fairly easily.

Idk, I could go on. Each problem needs to be addressed. Alcohol is just masking these problems and then adding problems of its own on top of them. Get rid of alcohol as a mask and you are left to fix the real problems you have. Your best bet is to deal with your problems and not mask them with alcohol. That's the only good advice I can give. It may not be what you want to hear, but it is what it is.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> If you want to overcome your negative pessimistic ways of thinking you need to challenge them. There is also a level of acceptance one needs to realize. When it comes to dating, acceptance is knowing rejection is inevitable and pretty high, so if you can't handle that then you probably haven't accepted that yet. You probably tie an extraordinary large portion of your self-esteem to rejection; every rejection is a blow to your esteem and ego. You probably lack an abundance mind set, which means you don't feel like you can meet the women you want fairly easily.
> 
> Idk, I could go on. Each problem needs to be addressed. Alcohol is just masking these problems and then adding problems of its own on top of them. Get rid of alcohol as a mask and you are left to fix the real problems you have. Your best bet is to deal with your problems and not mask them with alcohol. That's the only good advice I can give. It may not be what you want to hear, but it is what it is.


I suppose and perhaps I should try and do a few more things without drinking. I might try and go to town this week without booze (Probably just get off bus, walk 2 mins to supermarket, get shopping and then go back home right away).

I wouldn't say rejection is the thing that mostly bothers me. It's probably the lack of rejection, I got used to not being rejected but recently in the past month there has been more rejection that I have ever had.

I think your too right about the alcohol. What I thought of today was remembering what relationships were like before booze. The closest was with this girl years back, I can remember us having days out, going places and she would ask me on the way back "Do you want me to drive to the shop so you can get some beers for later?" and I actually would say nope I dont fancy them.


----------



## pete24

What got me thinking today also is what went wrong on Saturday's date. In actual fact when I think of it, it was nothing I did wrong.

The same date strategy happened (and worked) with numerous women before... If it was me as a person, the date strategy wouldn't of worked. They cant all be wrong and this girl on the failed date is right.


My idea was women always liked being tickled on a date when messing about. It break's the ice of making physical contact and could lead to holding hands or even a kiss a bit later. It was only after the date and she had left that she says "You just dont do that!!!".... errr why? 

Talking about the immigrant problem made her take offence. But then again, only someone with a narrow mind would of taken offence at it. I only spoke about it when saying I want to move away from this town soon, as it has turned into an immigrant hotspot due to the huge amount of factories here. Thus theres not many job's going. It's a true fact, anyone in this town would say the same thing. I have lived here all my life so I know more about it than her.... She was here on her first visit to this town and rather than understand all town's are different, she started slagging off the town saying it's full of idiot's if they think that and she started to brand me as a racist.... WTF!?

Only other thing was during crazy golf. Theres the hole with a waterfall and water pool. As I was winning I joked saying "the loser gets pushed in the water bit!!". I don't know if the immigrant talk put her in a mood or it was just her being normal... but her reply was "You do that and i'll punch you in the mouth".

In theory it should of worked fine. We both were attracted to each other. We had a lot of similarities and both said beforehand that we had good feelings about it (probably jinxed it). 

In reality though, would I really want someone like that as my girlfriend? No thanks, and if anything i'm glad I saw that side of her now... better off seeing it early than falling for her and finding it out


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> I suppose and perhaps I should try and do a few more things without drinking. I might try and go to town this week without booze (Probably just get off bus, walk 2 mins to supermarket, get shopping and then go back home right away).


If you can't even go outside or to the store without alcohol then you have a bigger problem than I thought. I am surprised your doctor dismissed your situation so readily. Not only do you have SA, but you may be an alcoholic. If that's the case then I think you need more help than words of encouragement.

I honestly don't know how the hell you managed to get into 15 relationships given your case.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> If you can't even go outside or to the store without alcohol then you have a bigger problem than I thought. I am surprised your doctor dismissed your situation so readily. Not only do you have SA, but you may be an alcoholic. If that's the case then I think you need more help than words of encouragement.
> 
> I honestly don't know how the hell you managed to get into 15 relationships given your case.


You got me mistaken. I'm not an alcoholic and I know i'm not. In the fridge is a big bottle of cider, could easily crack it open, not even tempted.

I can, when I go out I don't drink at home before hand. I sometimes walk to the local shop without booze.

Town is a very busy place on the other hand though. Already having social anxiety is bad enough, but I know theres people in town that hate my guts and will start confrontation if they see me. Theres 1 lad who always throws abuse my way when he sees me in town. Last time I saw him he shouted "Pete, you *****ing tool" (as well as some other abuse)... Why? because his female friend cheated and crapped on me (doesnt make sense at all).

I was the victim of domestic abuse years back. I wasnt even in a relationship with her but she would have a drink and get violent. I ended up having a pretty serious injury from her which needed operated on asap. Someone had to accompany me or they refused to operate. Seeing as I have no friends and nobody to go with me, she struck a deal with me that she would accompany me if I kept quiet about her violent outbursts.... I agreed, but then I was crapped on after. She wanted me to be her BF, I of course refused, so she told all her mates I hit her and im a psycho as I did that injury to myself. Of course they believed her and I also get abuse off them sometimes... Shouts of "woman beater", evil look's or other threats.

I'm the least sort of confrontational person. I avoid trouble, it makes me nervous. So that's part of the reason why I go to the pub right after I get off bus to town.... Other than that, I go because I want to socialise. A few pints at the pub and who know's, my dream girl could be there or people I can meet as friends (Iv come to the realisation now of going once a week for 7 years, that it simply wont happen in this town)


----------



## bsd3355

Sucks for those turn of events. People can be *******s, for sure.

I'm glad you aren't an alcoholic. You sound like you have a lot of potential, even given your age. You're only 3 years older than me. Being 30 shouldn't be a problem for you to meet girls if there are girls around you like. As far as getting over your SA, that's something dependent on things I can't really say because that's personal to you. I can only reflect what I know helped me. But all in all, you are taking action and the bull**** is bound to happen sometimes. Just try to stay positive. If someone does you wrong, cut them off from your world if necessary. There are good people out there too. And there are women who want to be with you that you want to be with. Just keep it up. Mental setbacks happen, but at least they give you an opportunity to reflect and overcome them and become better in general. That sounds a little optimistic, but I believe in it. I don't think you are too old for this. If you can keep a healthy perspective on things I think you'll be in good shape. Most of the battle is internal it seems.


----------



## pete24

Thanks. Yeah. I would love to just leave this town but I help care for my mother so cant really. 

Thanks for the great advice again.

I'm thinking now, maybe I can try small steps. Theres some small country towns that are not too far away, maybe about £6 return cost on the bus. The town's are quite small (a fraction of the size of this town) so there wont be as much pressure due to less people there.

Might even have some extra confidence to chat to some people and meet women.

I reckon I will have a week to chill after Saturday's date fail and then get those plans done. I guess i'm just a bit frustrated still about it and need to get the thought out of my head. It's fine it didnt work but from the way we were txting anyone would of guessed it would of turned into a relationship (She even told someone on the train on her way down that she was meeting her boyfriend)


----------



## Destabilise

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Well, I've recorded myself masturbating. I'll show it around a bit, and they'll be at my feet. I'm being logical here. Every straight guy in the planet loves watching a chick masturbate. It works the other way around, right? Right!?


unfortunately not i'd lose all my respect for you


----------



## bsd3355

Pete24, after reading your experience with the last date, it honestly wasn't that bad. Yeah, it sucks it didn't go the way you like, but it could of been worse. She took the immigration thing a little to heart obviously. You may of done better to not dwell on it. And what's up with you trying to ditch the girl during the date? Was it really THAT bad. It didn't sound like it; maybe just a bit uncomfortable.

You said you've never failed on a first date? In other words, your first dates usually lead to something? Damn man, sounds like maybe some rejections will do you some good! haha. In the end, it's a funny story. Looking back it'll just be that date where you had a girl get pissed because you said something about immigration and tried to tickle her.

Question: would you consider yourself a good looking guy? Also, do women approach you often? Are they the kind of women you like?

Keep it up. Usually, if you aren't failing at some point in dating then you likely aren't dating enough, or at least that's what appears to happen to those who date a lot. I think some rejections will do you good if you learn from them. There is a lot of good things you can learn from them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not saying be like these guys, but what they say about rejection is a good way to look at it. Rejection is often the only way to success. When it happens it is just part of the process to be expected. In dating, rejection is so common that if you aren't getting rejected then I would assume you aren't really trying enough. Therefore, because it is normal, look at it with the same detachment you'd feel dying in a video game--you simply hit the replay button until you succeed, and if you play it enough you are bound to succeed, guaranteed. In these videos they are talking about rejection in relation to approaching girls, but rejection happens along the whole spectrum from numbers, to dates, to beyond, so if you want to watch these videos think of them talking in terms of rejection in the sense of the entire dating spectrum and not just the approach:


----------



## Brandeezy

I gave in and subscribed to Match.com. 4 days in and I'm already regetting it. Haven't recieved any messages yet


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I gave in and subscribed to Match.com. 4 days in and I'm already regetting it. Haven't recieved any messages yet


Keep at it


----------



## pete24

Match.com isnt too bad. In theory you think it may be good because it cost's money so people using it will be genuine.

Sadly people don't want to pay for something to show they are genuine when they can just go on a free dating site to meet someone. 

I went on Match ages ago after receiving a free trial coupon thing. Signed up, had a look and I think just 30 women in my area were active on it. From what I could tell, most, if not all of them I had seen on POF.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Match.com isnt too bad. In theory you think it may be good because it cost's money so people using it will be genuine.
> 
> Sadly people don't want to pay for something to show they are genuine when they can just go on a free dating site to meet someone.
> 
> I went on Match ages ago after receiving a free trial coupon thing. Signed up, had a look and I think just 30 women in my area were active on it. From what I could tell, most, if not all of them I had seen on POF.


Ive had match for a year and have gone on a total of 0 dates BC of it. I have gotten two numbers but I guess failed to set up dates

I think pof is good only BC the large amount of ppl. However I think I am done with online. I will never find someone I want to spend my life with there

Dont know what I will do. I think I'm going to move into downtown Toronto n see things from there


----------



## pete24

Do you only meet people locally or look for people a bit further away too?

I widen my searches to up to 50 miles away because it only costs up to £20 for a return train journey. Which really isnt too bad if it means having a chance to meet more women


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Do you only meet people locally or look for people a bit further away too?
> 
> I widen my searches to up to 50 miles away because it only costs up to £20 for a return train journey. Which really isnt too bad if it means having a chance to meet more women


Nope Toronto is huge. Its got more available women then a man can dream of

Even in pof. Last time I went online I got 5 numbers in about a week with not much effort. Decent girls too

Its just that they don't stick with me. Last month I went on dates with 4 different girls all pretty. One ended up being a short term relationship but the other ones texted me that they weren't interested

I am sick of online. I feel like once a girl is online she is constantly receiving attention and thinks there is always a better deal

The real quality girls are offline. Those that are wife material. I am sick of online I think but fear that I may go back to it having No recourse


----------



## pete24

Wow, so many more than here. 


I guess it's just different for each area and because you live somewhere big, the competition is fierce. 1 day you could seem right for them, the next someone else messages them who seem better.

I know in my 50 mile radius is Birmingham. Huge town, I havent had any results there though. At best they have replied once or twice and then that's it.

I would stick to online still but also keep trying offline. Something may still turn up.



Im having a bad patch with the online dating atm. It always happens where I think "I'm not gonna have a chance online again" but then something turns up.

Struggling to see where the next is gonna come from though as im browsing through pages of profiles that i'm bored of seeing.


Cant complain this year I guess though, had 2 relationships with women from online dating, then met and ended up turning down 1 and had that date that didnt work out


----------



## Obfuscate

I'm stuck in a loophole right now. I've been dating this girl for almost a month now. We have some classes together at our university, but can't show affection in public because of our friends (they don't know we've hooked up). So the only time we have for each other is on the ride home in the subway on week days and that's it. I invited her to go out at least 3 weekends and she keeps saying she's busy.

This is driving me nuts, seriously. After I asked her out the first 2 times, I distanced from her and asked her to tell me how she felt. She said she was sorry and she just did not have time, but she was still into me. After that, we cuddled on our way back home in the subway (yes... we cuddled in the subway, it's nicer than it sounds, I promise) and was the first time we actually had a special moment. That weekend I asked her out. Go ahead and guess what she fücking said.

And then there's SA, always making sure I take 1 step back for every 2 steps I make. I'm so insecure I need to keep reminding myself that she actually likes me and should not think of her dating me as a favor. And what's worse, because I know SA keeps playing tricks on me, I have to alienate my emotional judgement completely, since I can't distinguish healthy concerns from irrational concerns. And so I can't tell when I should give up, become pushier or confront her.


----------



## shelbster18

Dating. lol...I've decided that I want to be with a girl now. I think it would be easier than being with a guy. It would be different, too. Maybe one day, I could find a girl and we could be open about our relationship to each other's families. :love


----------



## huh

In the past 2 weeks I've managed to get 6 phone numbers and a few good conversations going on some dating sites. The one girl I was most interested in flaked out on me though. We had a great convo over texts and she asked to make sure to message her the next day. I did, and planned on setting up a date but then she just ignored me. So weird...why ask me message you again if you do that.

I do have a date set for this Friday with some other girl, so that should be interesting. She seems like a great person, but I can't tell from her pictures if I'll actually have a physical attraction to her. 

One thing I've learned lately is most women have much higher expectations than I do. I guess they can probably afford to, but it's a little annoying. I just can't compete with all the other guys against most women that are similar to me in education/height/weight/etc. My standards are pretty low, but if they weren't I'd be perpetually single.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Nope Toronto is huge. Its got more available women then a man can dream of
> 
> Even in pof. Last time I went online I got 5 numbers in about a week with not much effort. Decent girls too
> 
> Its just that they don't stick with me. Last month I went on dates with 4 different girls all pretty. One ended up being a short term relationship but the other ones texted me that they weren't interested
> 
> I am sick of online. I feel like once a girl is online she is constantly receiving attention and thinks there is always a better deal
> 
> The real quality girls are offline. Those that are wife material. I am sick of online I think but fear that I may go back to it having No recourse


That's why I never touched online dating. I don't care what I have to do about my SA I'm going to get good at being with women offline. I've worked my way to doing the cold approach without coming off as an idiot. I think when I get over this depression I can regroup and get my butt back out there.

No numbers though. But there is a new girl at work I've been talking too I can't wait too long opportunities are a limited time only


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> That's why I never touched online dating. I don't care what I have to do about my SA I'm going to get good at being with women offline. I've worked my way to doing the cold approach without coming off as an idiot. I think when I get over this depression I can regroup and get my butt back out there.
> 
> No numbers though. But there is a new girl at work I've been talking too I can't wait too long opportunities are a limited time only


I'm glad you are encouraged to take action. It's OK to take a break when you are down or when you don't want to deal with it. Nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, there is only one way to go about it, and that is taking those risks. We all have to do it.


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> In the past 2 weeks I've managed to get 6 phone numbers and a few good conversations going on some dating sites. The one girl I was most interested in flaked out on me though. We had a great convo over texts and she asked to make sure to message her the next day. I did, and planned on setting up a date but then she just ignored me. So weird...why ask me message you again if you do that.
> 
> I do have a date set for this Friday with some other girl, so that should be interesting. She seems like a great person, but I can't tell from her pictures if I'll actually have a physical attraction to her.
> 
> One thing I've learned lately is most women have much higher expectations than I do. I guess they can probably afford to, but it's a little annoying. I just can't compete with all the other guys against most women that are similar to me in education/height/weight/etc. My standards are pretty low, but if they weren't I'd be perpetually single.


Good job with collecting those numbers and getting things rolling! Yeah, girls tend to act excited over the texting but I think it is just them being girls tbh. Exclamation points and bouts of excited texts don't mean much unfortunately lol. Sometimes it does; a lot of the times it doesn't. Just the way it is. Actions over words almost always in these cases. At least on the positive side of things, she is being nice toward you, which means you aren't coming across like a weirdo or a jackass, and that is a major plus.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Good job with collecting those numbers and getting things rolling! Yeah, girls tend to act excited over the texting but I think it is just them being girls tbh. Exclamation points and bouts of excited texts don't mean much unfortunately lol. Sometimes it does; a lot of the times it doesn't. Just the way it is. Actions over words almost always in these cases. At least on the positive side of things, she is being nice toward you, which means you aren't coming across like a weirdo or a jackass, and that is a major plus.


Yeah plus he is getting some action online

There are guys who can't even get that


----------



## pete24

Found 1 girl online who seems nice, hopefully she messages back.

Just had a message off some other girl online. In my opinion she is very ugly. Everything i'm not attracted to (super short hair, looks a bit too manly, blehhhh). Im in 2 minds about replying. If I don't reply then I will look like 99% of the douches on dating sites... but if I do reply she might think I like her :/.

Her message was "Hi x". Why do even ugly women make no effort online? Even if my standards were rock bottom and I decided I would give her the benefit of the doubt and see what her personality is like, "Hi x" would blow that chance


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Found 1 girl online who seems nice, hopefully she messages back.
> 
> Just had a message off some other girl online. In my opinion she is very ugly. Everything i'm not attracted to (super short hair, looks a bit too manly, blehhhh). Im in 2 minds about replying. If I don't reply then I will look like 99% of the douches on dating sites... but if I do reply she might think I like her :/.
> 
> Her message was "Hi x". Why do even ugly women make no effort online? Even if my standards were rock bottom and I decided I would give her the benefit of the doubt and see what her personality is like, "Hi x" would blow that chance


Can you tell me your opening message


----------



## bsd3355

^Yeah. It kind of pisses me off how women always tell you to be creative and you get messages like this from them. They even block guys who don't send a certain required text length. Ugh. In their minds they think they are weeding out a certain type, and while this may be the case, they are also closing doors on guys who could totally surprise them for the better. It's closed-mindedness. Or it's abundance mentality ****. ****ing hypocrites.

"Stupid ***** is not accepting messages this short"

Well **** you too *****.


----------



## Zeeshan

Why is it that sometimes i cant see messeges on this thread even though i know they have been posted. Serious bug


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways

I think any kind of meeting women at bars/clubs is going to be impossible for me. I realized that today, as me and a buddy were walking by this club and there were these 3 chicks who looked drunk, i got so anxious

I rarely feel anxious now, i can kiss any girl, date, confront any situation. However i have extreme anxiety when it comes to seeing people with a night life. ;-0, still feeling anxious. 

So i went back online, and am going to try and approach women in the day.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways
> 
> I think any kind of meeting women at bars/clubs is going to be impossible for me. I realized that today, as me and a buddy were walking by this club and there were these 3 chicks who looked drunk, i got so anxious
> 
> I rarely feel anxious now, i can kiss any girl, date, confront any situation. However i have extreme anxiety when it comes to seeing people with a night life. ;-0, still feeling anxious.
> 
> So i went back online, and am going to try and approach women in the day.


I don't do clubs. Tried it when I was 18 and I am just miserable in such situations. The loud music gives me a killer headache minutes after I arrive. Its hot and sweaty as hell. I'm not much of a drinker so I either don't drink or just get a buzz which doesn't help my SA at all.

Ideally I would like be friends first ajd then get into a relationship but past experience taught me that is the worst possible way to get a girlfriend.

Since I work at night talking to co workers doesn't make me too anxious because there are a lot of quiet places to have 1 on 1 conversation with. What I like about the cold approach say at a store is that no one is paying attention I can keep things nice and simple to eventually ask a girl out. Since I don't know her if I get rejected it doesn't hurt to badly anymore.

Still got a long way to go.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> I don't do clubs. Tried it when I was 18 and I am just miserable in such situations. The loud music gives me a killer headache minutes after I arrive. Its hot and sweaty as hell. I'm not much of a drinker so I either don't drink or just get a buzz which doesn't help my SA at all.
> 
> Ideally I would like be friends first ajd then get into a relationship but past experience taught me that is the worst possible way to get a girlfriend.
> 
> Since I work at night talking to co workers doesn't make me too anxious because there are a lot of quiet places to have 1 on 1 conversation with. What I like about the cold approach say at a store is that no one is paying attention I can keep things nice and simple to eventually ask a girl out. Since I don't know her if I get rejected it doesn't hurt to badly anymore.
> 
> Still got a long way to go.


I really like this attitude

We
Are all going to make it


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> So anyways
> 
> I think any kind of meeting women at bars/clubs is going to be impossible for me. I realized that today, as me and a buddy were walking by this club and there were these 3 chicks who looked drunk, i got so anxious
> 
> I rarely feel anxious now, i can kiss any girl, date, confront any situation. However i have extreme anxiety when it comes to seeing people with a night life. ;-0, still feeling anxious.
> 
> So i went back online, and am going to try and approach women in the day.


For me, I look at situations where I'm socially anxious and I believe I can overcome them with enough exposure or a change in perspective, etc. Usually that does the trick. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Night clubs and bars have always been one of the more difficult places to meet girls, for me personally. I don't think it is necessary unless you really have to. Atm, I'd take college over bars any day of the week. The cool thing about approaching girls, is if you can get your head right about it then you can do it anywhere.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> For me, I look at situations where I'm socially anxious and I believe I can overcome them with enough exposure or a change in perspective, etc. Usually that does the trick. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Night clubs and bars have always been one of the more difficult places to meet girls, for me personally. I don't think it is necessary unless you really have to. Atm, I'd take college over bars any day of the week. The cool thing about approaching girls, is if you can get your head right about it then you can do it anywhere.


The anxiety for me appears when I see a large group of ppl together.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> The anxiety for me appears when I see a large group of ppl together.


Same here. I think that is somewhat normal unless you are conditioned otherwise. I often have to meditate before I go out and do something in that type of environment. I can't just go out without mentally prepping myself sometimes. But it gets easier. Sometimes I'll go out and get overwhelmed regardless.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Can you tell me your opening message


That I say to women when 1st making contact?

It's different with each person I message but a usual message could be:

"Hey there (Might put their name in instead of "there"), I just had a browse through your profile and you seem like a really nice girl (May add witty extra's relating to their profile). Hope you are having a nice week so far. It would be great if we can chat on here so hopefully I could find out some more things about you x"

Have been quite successful writing opening messages like that. It has a slight compliment (If they are keen they will return the compliment about my profile), features an ice breaker (Relating to something on their profile/asking about their week) and shows i'm being genuine as I want to find out more about them.

Edit: Forgot to add. Online today has been ok. 1 girl who I was hoping would reply to me did actually reply, not sure if shes that keen yet though. 3 other women messaged me today as well. Not sure if they're my type really though :/


----------



## IcedOver

Guys, I'm in a quandary, and I need advice fast. I've posted about my situation numerous times on this thread, how I had been having a conversation with a woman over a shared interest, communicating for a month and meeting in person, only to have her cancel on me two days before our scheduled rendezvous, saying that her ex had come back to town and they were reuniting. She also said in subsequent e-mails that she was looking for someone exactly like guys she normally dates and that I didn't necessarily conform to that. However, I told her that even as a woman who has many options, she can't really be so picky when it comes to the fetish arena. 

A few weeks ago I made another regular CL ad and she assumed it was me and asked if it was, so I knew she had been trolling CL again. She said she was in fact dating this guy and was just looking out of curiosity. To try to catch her again, I made another CL ad over a week ago and made the details very different -- different age, spelling and punctuation mistakes, different details. Today I got a reply from her via that ad. 

What do I do? Do I play along for a bit and find out if she's single, then confront her, or do I confront her right away? Do I just send her a regular message as me and ask her how she's doing? I hate lying. Any advice guys?


----------



## pete24

Sounds like you should let it go IcedOver.

- You spoke to her for a while online? She cancelled before you met?

- She was just using you, maybe she had genuine intentions but her ex came back and she decided to try again with him. (Iv had that where a woman is keen, then her ex comes back into the picture, she goes with him and said she didnt like me in that way and she's sorry I got the wrong end of the stick.... (Yeah right, she came to my house twice, basically rapped me and told me how she wants us to give it a go).

Just forget her and leave it be.

Either her ex coming back was a lame excuse because someone seemingly better came along after you started talking, or it was the truth but shes in 1 of those flaky relationships that is on 1 day, over the next and when it's over she is instantly trying for a rebound or compliments to feel better


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Guys, I'm in a quandary, and I need advice fast. I've posted about my situation numerous times on this thread, how I had been having a conversation with a woman over a shared interest, communicating for a month and meeting in person, only to have her cancel on me two days before our scheduled rendezvous, saying that her ex had come back to town and they were reuniting. She also said in subsequent e-mails that she was looking for someone exactly like guys she normally dates and that I didn't necessarily conform to that. However, I told her that even as a woman who has many options, she can't really be so picky when it comes to the fetish arena.
> 
> A few weeks ago I made another regular CL ad and she assumed it was me and asked if it was, so I knew she had been trolling CL again. She said she was in fact dating this guy and was just looking out of curiosity. To try to catch her again, I made another CL ad over a week ago and made the details very different -- different age, spelling and punctuation mistakes, different details. Today I got a reply from her via that ad.
> 
> What do I do? Do I play along for a bit and find out if she's single, then confront her, or do I confront her right away? Do I just send her a regular message as me and ask her how she's doing? I hate lying. Any advice guys?


Well your obsession with her isn't very healthy. Its pretty obv she lied to you about going back to her ex. However when you say confront her what do you mean? Its not going to reach the desired result right. Eben if you confront her she will just ignore you going forward

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is just to confront her and end it. It will at least resolve the situation for you


----------



## bsd3355

Pete, why not ask a question in there somewhere? I realize you want the girl to take a bit of initiative, but asking a question would help spur her to respond. I guess it isn't a big deal really


----------



## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> Guys, I'm in a quandary, and I need advice fast. I've posted about my situation numerous times on this thread, how I had been having a conversation with a woman over a shared interest, communicating for a month and meeting in person, only to have her cancel on me two days before our scheduled rendezvous, saying that her ex had come back to town and they were reuniting. She also said in subsequent e-mails that she was looking for someone exactly like guys she normally dates and that I didn't necessarily conform to that. However, I told her that even as a woman who has many options, she can't really be so picky when it comes to the fetish arena.
> 
> A few weeks ago I made another regular CL ad and she assumed it was me and asked if it was, so I knew she had been trolling CL again. She said she was in fact dating this guy and was just looking out of curiosity. To try to catch her again, I made another CL ad over a week ago and made the details very different -- different age, spelling and punctuation mistakes, different details. Today I got a reply from her via that ad.
> 
> What do I do? Do I play along for a bit and find out if she's single, then confront her, or do I confront her right away? Do I just send her a regular message as me and ask her how she's doing? I hate lying. Any advice guys?


She isn't interested in you. You should move on. That is why she didn't meet you. Accept it and move on. She is dating other guys, but not interested in you. Nothing you can do about that. Find someone who is into you and stop wasting your energy on this one girl.


----------



## IcedOver

When I say "confront," I mean to call her out and totally clear the air. I know it's not necessarily going to win her over, but she lied too -- made up a ruse about the ex and stuck to it. Like I've said before, if this were regular dating and not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I'd not be so "obsessed" about it, as you say. I hate being lied to and disrespected, and did nothing to deserve it. This situation (her canceling on me originally) has contributed to a mini-nervous breakdown for me. I've been feeling better lately, but now receiving this message I'm plunged right back in. I have to address this for my own mental well being, but I don't know what to do.

bwidger85--She is not dating anyone; that much is clear. As far as finding anyone else, if you knew this situation better, you'd know that this was an extremely rare opportunity, not conventional dating, so it's easier to win the lottery than find anyone else.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Pete, why not ask a question in there somewhere? I realize you want the girl to take a bit of initiative, but asking a question would help spur her to respond. I guess it isn't a big deal really


Thanks, yeah I do sometimes. Depends on what their profile is like. If it's 1 of those "ask me!!" profiles I dont make as much of an effort but if the profile has more on it I would try and throw in a question based on something on her profile that I also know about


----------



## pete24

IcedOver said:


> When I say "confront," I mean to call her out and totally clear the air. I know it's not necessarily going to win her over, but she lied too -- made up a ruse about the ex and stuck to it. Like I've said before, if this were regular dating and not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I'd not be so "obsessed" about it, as you say. I hate being lied to and disrespected, and did nothing to deserve it. This situation (her canceling on me originally) has contributed to a mini-nervous breakdown for me. I've been feeling better lately, but now receiving this message I'm plunged right back in. I have to address this for my own mental well being, but I don't know what to do.


Might not of been lying about the ex. It's sh!t either way though.

A) She lied and isnt worth it

B) Her ex did actually appear back on the scene but the relationship is on and off so she needs to flirt to have someone to fall back on it case it stays off.... Also isnt worth it


----------



## bsd3355

IcedOver said:


> bwidger85--She is not dating anyone; that much is clear. As far as finding anyone else, if you knew this situation better, you'd know that this was an extremely rare opportunity, not conventional dating, so it's easier to win the lottery than find anyone else.


I see. Well, one thing I do know for certain is, if the girl doesn't have anything that is holding her back (mentally, circumstantial, etc.), and if she likes you, she'll meet you. It's been a while and she still hasn't met with you which means I doubt it will happen _unless_ she still seems interested. You can keep trying but eventually you come to that point where enough is enough. Maybe I don't understand the situation, but that's my take on it at least. GL


----------



## Zeeshan

I think you should confront her if only so you can reach a conclusion n move on with your life


----------



## IcedOver

^^Her original reason for not meeting me was purely that her ex had come back the night before and they had decided to reunite. Then in a subsequent e-mail, while sticking to her story about the ex, she did reveal that she was looking for someone exactly like guys she dates, that she's extremely finicky. She said I was "very nice" which means she probably likes a-holes. I already knew we were very different, and she's not my type personality-wise except for this shared interest. I have no desire to "date" her, just to have at least one session with her. She also said that, even if she was single soon, she doubts she would have any interest in finding anyone for this because the "scene" as she's experienced it so far (she has had no experience) has been unlike what she wanted. So that's a lie too. 

I know she's not necessarily into me, but it just bothers me that she couldn't go through just having one session. What was so bad about me that she couldn't even do that? Our e-mails and such went well and she was very enthusiastic, then I guess I turned her off when we met.

The bottom line is that I have to address this and reply for my own mental well being, even if it causes an e-mail argument and her thinking I'm a jerk. So what do you fellows think is the best course of action -- play along for an e-mail, send her a message as myself and find out if she's changed her mind, or call her out?


----------



## pete24

I dont know :/. Fair enough you say you have to have closure or something for your own mental well being.

But you may not even get the answers you were looking for which could keep opening more and more can's of worms :/


----------



## Alone75

I'm working out again to get to look more physically attractive and improve my fitness. The ladies will be admiring my aesthetics and give me signals, then I'll still be too anxious to approach them! :rain


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I dont know :/. Fair enough you say you have to have closure or something for your own mental well being.
> 
> But you may not even get the answers you were looking for which could keep opening more and more can's of worms :/


I think it will help you reach a conclusion n that's the important part

For you to move on. I think you may think its difficult right now but a few months down the road you will see this exposure has having great value to yourself


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> I think it will help you reach a conclusion n that's the important part
> 
> For you to move on. I think you may think its difficult right now but a few months down the road you will see this exposure has having great value to yourself


Me? lol... Icedover is the person in the scenario.


----------



## IcedOver

Zeeshan said:


> I think it will help you reach a conclusion n that's the important part
> For you to move on. I think you may think its difficult right now but a few months down the road you will see this exposure has having great value to yourself


Maybe so. Right now, though, I'm wishing this chick had never even contacted me to begin with. All these two encounters (with her and another woman who was potentially a catfish) have done is to expose me to the lies and games that are apparently a part of all male/female interactions, even in the sphere in which I'm looking.

I'm going to play along and in the first e-mail glean whether she's attached, then decide what to do.


----------



## Zeeshan

IcedOver said:


> Maybe so. Right now, though, I'm wishing this chick had never even contacted me to begin with. All these two encounters (with her and another woman who was potentially a catfish) have done is to expose me to the lies and games that are apparently a part of all male/female interactions, even in the sphere in which I'm looking.
> 
> I'm going to play along and in the first e-mail glean whether she's attached, then decide what to do.


Do what you feel but accept this may not end well


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Me? lol... Icedover is the person in the scenario.


Sorry Pete how's uk


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Sorry Pete how's uk


No worries bud. It's all good thanks.

Been on the dating sites most of the day. That 1 who I wanted to message me back (who did) turns out to be not my type. Detective skills lead me to her FB profile and whoa boy!! You can tell shes used her very best 2 pictures on POF. Really not my type... ahh well plenty more fish . Took a new batch of pictures today too so hopefully changing my profile pics about could bring in more of a variety

Hows it going for you?


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> No worries bud. It's all good thanks.
> 
> Been on the dating sites most of the day. That 1 who I wanted to message me back (who did) turns out to be not my type. Detective skills lead me to her FB profile and whoa boy!! You can tell shes used her very best 2 pictures on POF. Really not my type... ahh well plenty more fish . Took a new batch of pictures today too so hopefully changing my profile pics about could bring in more of a variety
> 
> Hows it going for you?


Its been rough since my last short term relationship. I tried messaging some girls online but no replies and one that did reply quickly tailed off.

Really so sick of online. Not optimistic at all today I'm afraid


----------



## pete24

. Something will come right for you. Always does when you least expect it really


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> . Something will come right for you. Always does when you least expect it really


That's what they say but I haven't seen anything happen with me and women in my life.

I need to make something happen but don't know what


----------



## foe

I don't have a girl of interest in real life at the moment. It's been awhile, maybe since February, that I fancy a girl. I don't think I'm turning gay either.

Special lady in my life, where are you?


----------



## huh

bwidger85 said:


> Good job with collecting those numbers and getting things rolling! Yeah, girls tend to act excited over the texting but I think it is just them being girls tbh. Exclamation points and bouts of excited texts don't mean much unfortunately lol. Sometimes it does; a lot of the times it doesn't. Just the way it is. Actions over words almost always in these cases. At least on the positive side of things, she is being nice toward you, which means you aren't coming across like a weirdo or a jackass, and that is a major plus.


I dunno, it just seems like we had a pretty good connection. Strangely enough, she messaged me back out of the blue yesterday. I'm still a little unsure about what exactly she's looking for. I asked her out and she wants to hang out at her place Saturday night. That kinda raised a few warning lights in my head..lol. But I guess she shares a place with her sister, so maybe she felt comfortable with it...I dunno. Assuming she decides she still wants to meet, it should be an interesting weekend.


----------



## pete24

Might be some lucky card's just dealt.

Met this girl years back when out getting drunk. Thought she was ok, invited her and her mates back.

Few weeks later I met up with her, had a night out, went back to hers and we did stuff only on the basis I thought we were pretty much starting a relationship.

We drifted before a relationship started. I decided I wasnt really into her, plus her mates were complete tosser's. A lot of them were gay and tried it on (1 got me wasted on false pretences, I blanked out and next minute I was in his bedroom with him trying to kiss me and telling me to lie down on the bed :O... I swiftly left). Another was invited to have a few drinks here with us, and when we were asleep he got up, stole £40 from my place and left.

*Waffling a bit now... oops*.... But yeah, she messaged me on some dating site a bit earlier. Not sure if I would have a relationship with her but.....


----------



## Zeeshan

Nothing here. Two girls messaged me on POF, both not my type, but i am messaging them anyways since i basically have nothing else to do


----------



## AceEmoKid

Working on overcoming anxiety and practicing confidence, or at least a mask of confidence. So far it's working. As long as I'm in my element, and I don't know anyone there who at least knows my painfully awkward side, I can switch my personality slightly. I'll still be me, have all my thoughts an opinions, but I'll try to curtail, for instance, my long monologues I sometimes stumble into during conversation. Today I actually tried talking to this girl in my animation class during some downtime. She reminds me of how shy I can get without the mask of confidence on; she's rather quiet. It was just a few comments here and there, but I think I did pretty well. I'm trying to work on my charm while still being true to myself.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Nothing here. Two girls messaged me on POF, both not my type, but i am messaging them anyways since i basically have nothing else to do


I get like that too, no attention, then when some message me who I don't fancy, I reply anyway for something to do.

Shizzle with that girl has failed before it got off the ground (The 1 I nearly got in a relationship with a few years back).

She was first to message me, we only exchanged a few general messages, then she stopped replying. So I sent another message saying we could meet up soon or something, she replied instantly (so it was obvious she did stop replying after my previous message). I said im free any time really... Her reply was "I'll let you know hun x" AKA "I'm only saying that, you won't hear off me again". Understandable if it was just a random girl, but I know her... She shouldnt of even bothered messaging me to be honest.

This other girl did pee me off earlier on POF. Profile shows that she is a total slag who think's she's it. Really not my type but she was bigging up how great she is at singing. I only messaged her because I have worked in the music industry and if her voice is as good as she claims it is in her profile, I could offer her some work..... She looked at my profile and I didnt get a reply, B!tch


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I get like that too, no attention, then when some message me who I don't fancy, I reply anyway for something to do.
> 
> Shizzle with that girl has failed before it got off the ground (The 1 I nearly got in a relationship with a few years back).
> 
> She was first to message me, we only exchanged a few general messages, then she stopped replying. So I sent another message saying we could meet up soon or something, she replied instantly (so it was obvious she did stop replying after my previous message). I said im free any time really... Her reply was "I'll let you know hun x" AKA "I'm only saying that, you won't hear off me again". Understandable if it was just a random girl, but I know her... She shouldnt of even bothered messaging me to be honest.
> 
> This other girl did pee me off earlier on POF. Profile shows that she is a total slag who think's she's it. Really not my type but she was bigging up how great she is at singing. I only messaged her because I have worked in the music industry and if her voice is as good as she claims it is in her profile, I could offer her some work..... She looked at my profile and I didnt get a reply, B!tch


Dude you need to get out of that town man, i dont know if just for a vacation.

As for me, I think the women can gauge my lack of interest in me when i dont ask too many questions. Especially if they are overweight according to my standards.

The thing is that i dont think that we would be a sexual match, i like petite girls, but they get so much attention online ;-[


----------



## IcedOver

Regarding what I talked about yesterday about the woman messaging me through my fake CL fetish ad, I went ahead and kept up the ruse for one more e-mail, asking her if she's single. She replied to this fabricated person that she did get back with her ex (which I thought may have been a lie) but it didn't work out and she is single. She also mentioned me, saying that she did meet one person but felt I was too introverted and "timid" for her typical social tastes, but that I was a nice guy. These are things she told me in regular e-mails. 

So now I again have a dilemma. Do I reveal the ruse and explain why I made the ad and ask if, now that she's unattached, she'd be willing to honor the agreement we had to meet and find out if it works even if we don't mesh personality-wise (in essence, beg)? Do I keep up the ruse, tell her I'm not interested and then in a few days contact her as myself and ask what's up? Both are risky, but I'm leaning towards the first one because the second one could leave room for her to lie about still being with the ex, in which case I would have to reveal that I know she's lying, which would make me look even worse (not that either makes me look all that great).


----------



## millenniumman75

I am being millenniummanly....


----------



## Jesuszilla

So this girl at work started to flirt very heavily including touching me when we talk. Good sign hopefully. The problem is I don't know if it actually means anything. Last girl that was touchy feely with me turned me down but it was my fault because it was after she rejected me did I notice that she flirted, hugged etc with a lot of people at work.

This current girl even went as far as show me racy pics though. Not full nudity, but pics of her half naked and even a pic of her touching her friend's breast. I never had a girl do that. 

I've been really depressed lately but I hide it at work, she noticed something was wrong with me and sat with me during our break. We didn't say a work she just kind of leaned on me while in the back of the break room. 

I could be jumping the gun here but if she doesn't like me, then I really don't understand women.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian

Jesuszilla said:


> So this girl at work started to flirt very heavily including touching me when we talk. Good sign hopefully. The problem is I don't know if it actually means anything. Last girl that was touchy feely with me turned me down but it was my fault because it was after she rejected me did I notice that she flirted, hugged etc with a lot of people at work.
> 
> This current girl even went as far as show me racy pics though. Not full nudity, but pics of her half naked and even a pic of her touching her friend's breast. I never had a girl do that.
> 
> I've been really depressed lately but I hide it at work, she noticed something was wrong with me and sat with me during our break. We didn't say a work she just kind of leaned on me while in the back of the break room.
> 
> I could be jumping the gun here but if she doesn't like me, then I really don't understand women.


I don't think even women understand women at times :b

Do you know if she has a partner? And do you see her touch and flirt with other people?


----------



## Jesuszilla

TheDarkGuardian said:


> I don't think even women understand women at times :b
> 
> Do you know if she has a partner? And do you see her touch and flirt with other people?


She's single. We work in different departments so when I see her its to talk to her. I rarely see her interact with others and its usually her superiors.


----------



## foe

Jesuszilla said:


> She's single. We work in different departments so when I see her its to talk to her. I rarely see her interact with others and its usually her superiors.


Oh, man. You are so gonna get laid. :yay

Ask her out on a date soon. Don't wait!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Nothing. 

Girls are unobtainable.


----------



## huh

Well, my date tonight cancelled. I can't tell if she just lied and made up some excuse or what the deal was. Quite annoying...she texted me to tell me she couldn't make it right after I called the restaurant to make a reservation. Ugh.

The girl that wants to meet up Saturday night hasn't texted me back again...lmao. I'm starting to think she might just want a hook up, I dunno. I mean really, how many girls invite you over to their place at night on a first date? That or I'm going to go there, get mugged, and leave with one less kidney.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Dude you need to get out of that town man, i dont know if just for a vacation.
> 
> As for me, I think the women can gauge my lack of interest in me when i dont ask too many questions. Especially if they are overweight according to my standards.
> 
> The thing is that i dont think that we would be a sexual match, i like petite girls, but they get so much attention online ;-[


I know mate. I'm hoping to really soon. If plans go right, from the end of the month i'm gonna try and have a day out of town every 2 weeks just to get away a bit.

Yeah I think that's always a sign. I know i'm the same if theres someone i'm not that interested in, I do a half assed attempt of chatting to them, don't ask much and the convo fizzles out.

hmmmmm. Well saying that, any girl gets so much attention online.


----------



## Brandeezy

Stayed at home all day yesterday and messaged 100+ women in an 20 mile radius. It took over 4 hours but I got it done. Only got 2 messages out of it though that went nowhere after a couple messages. Also I canceled Match.com, I wasn't getting any activity. I want to quit right now


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Brandeezy said:


> Stayed at home all day yesterday and messaged 100+ women in an 20 mile radius. It took over 4 hours but I got it done. Only got 2 messages out of it though that went nowhere after a couple messages. Also I canceled Match.com, I wasn't getting any activity. I want to quit right now


This is exactly why o think online dating sucks... Do u have any hobbies?


----------



## Zeeshan

Two more girls messeged me online but I'm just not interested. They just aren't attractive and I feel like I would only waste time n money seeing them


----------



## CopadoMexicano

What do you think of having female friends? Does female friends increase your chances of getting a girl?


----------



## Brandeezy

illmatic1 said:


> This is exactly why o think online dating sucks... Do u have any hobbies?


Playing basketball and video games is pretty much it. This is all with a 40+ hr work week


----------



## huh

Seems like both girls flaked on me this weekend...ugh. Fml.


----------



## Zeeshan

CopadoMexicano said:


> What do you think of having female friends? Does female friends increase your chances of getting a girl?


No
My best friend was a female for several years

She is part of the reason that I'm in the place I'm in


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> Seems like both girls flaked on me this weekend...ugh. Fml.


Not unusual


----------



## bsd3355

CopadoMexicano said:


> What do you think of having female friends? Does female friends increase your chances of getting a girl?


I don't think this is the best way to meet someone because A) you need to make friends who you actually like, who like to meet more people and/or go out B) waste of time if you aren't interested in making friends, and you end up having more interest in meeting people through them than valuing that friendship C) when you do meet someone your social circle diminishes, almost as if that was the purpose of the social circle the whole time D) why go through all that when you can do it yourself, and by yourself, when and where you want? Seem like a big waste of time to me. The only reasons I would have friends is because I enjoy their company and it has nothing to do with meeting girls.

However, I have tried meeting girls through girls. But what ended up happening was I would hang out with the friend girl, while not really interested in her friendship at all, and would basically use her to get to her friends, which didn't work out often, and then I was left with nothing and the girl was no better either. I don't think it is right to do that and I don't feel it is necessary anymore. Much more effective to do it on your own. You don't want to rely on people to introduce people to you. You increase your selection and probabilities by having the confidence to do it yourself whenever and wherever without any help needed via a social circle. Social circle "game" is weak in my opinion. It can work, but not the best method imo.

I think if you are going to make friends, make friends because you enjoy who they are as a person, and if you are lucky enough to have friends who are always going out meeting new people, then you can be in a decent spot to meet new people, but you'll till have to approach girls anyway. From my personal experience with the friends I've had, they usually hold me back from meeting girls because they often don't want to go out, and/or they suck up my time, don't encourage what I do, etc. They kind of hold me back, which is why I don't have friends to meet girls anymore.


----------



## Sourdog

Okay, I really need to get back into this. I'm in college right now and have been forever single and I'm sick of it. The only girls who give me the time of day are big girls which i'm not attracted to unfortunately. My biggest problem I have is 1 on 1 conversations, I get soo much anxiety from it. Idk how you guys do it with girls you just met, but i'll try and overcome it. Any advice would be great!

I'll try to update my progress!


----------



## huh

Zeeshan said:


> Not unusual


Thanks for the info..


----------



## bsd3355

How to get a girl. Johnny Bravo style:


----------



## pete24

Went on Badoo... Girl aged 18 messaged me. bit young but looks ok.

Been doing.... can you believe it... youtube video diary's? Gone through my gambling addiction, social anxiety and depression.

That is 1 major step, because if I build my confidence this way, I may start cold approaching


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Went on Badoo... Girl aged 18 messaged me. bit young but looks ok.
> 
> Been doing.... can you believe it... youtube video diary's? Gone through my gambling addiction, social anxiety and depression.
> 
> That is 1 major step, because if I build my confidence this way, I may start cold approaching


I too think that i am ready for cold approach. I hadnt noticed, but today i talked to this chic in the elevator, and had almost no anxiety

I think i am finally at a place, where i might be able to.

I ended up chatting to two girls online that i would consider attractive, however both dropped off ;-( after a bit of chatting. I can see they came online but stopped replying (Mind you i dont double messeges, i dont believe in that, dont know if i should.) I send this off to competition for attractive women when it comes to online chatting. They are getting so many messeges, that they just tail off :-(

its fine, ill keep hitting it, still


----------



## Zeeshan

I think i may do my first approach at a library


----------



## Jesuszilla

pete24 said:


> That is 1 major step, because if I build my confidence this way, I may start cold approaching





Zeeshan said:


> I too think that i am ready for cold approach. I hadnt noticed, but today i talked to this chic in the elevator, and had almost no anxiety


Good job to both of you. Just a heads up, it becomes much easier the more you do the cold approach. I'm at the point where I can start conversations, keep them going long enough to ask a girl out. I still get extremely nervous and I still get rejected, but it's better than where I was a year ago...too afraid to even approach women I didn't find attractive.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

rymo said:


> All good things in life take work. As for changing yourself, it's more about being yourself to the best of your ability - and if you label a change from a shy, SA-filled guy to one of confidence a bad thing, then I guess it's not for you. Just realize that this *"I don't want to change for a girl" attitude is BY FAR the most common excuse from guys on here. I think I see a pattern...*


 Trying to change myself Is why Im feeling much more stressed and unhappy/empty. Its futile. Just being yourself to attract a woman is horrible advice. Its accepting youre a failure and not doing anything about it because you would have to change an aspect of yourself that doesn't feel natural.


----------



## Sourdog

Danced with a girl at some college frosh event tonight, it didn't last long. Some cute girl started a convo with me on the same night(she said I looked familiar), but I kinda cut it short and stopped talking. I'm awkward like that .


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> I think i may do my first approach at a library


Groovy, but why a library?


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

I need some advice man.

I've been persuing this girl I know. I've know her for a few years but I only know her because we go every year to some festival and she always joins up. From a friend I know I blew a chance with her two years ago. I was really depressed back than and I was just in the right mind set to do anything, even though we ended up alone together. FML that I never did anything... 

Anyway. This year we were there again. She gave me her phone number on facebook. She called when she arrived - this time she was going with two other friends - and we meet up together. I didn't get a chance to be alone with her.

Later I learned from my friends she did in fact was open for it two years ago. She even said she liked me and that I made her laugh. So I know for a fact she did liked me. Which was really good for my ego since I've never really had something like that comfirmed haha. But she told my buddy she was having a fling right now in her home town - we live about two hours apart. He didn't told me. I guess it's game over perhaps as he is more experienced as me and he probebly knows it will end in heartbrake. But **** it. I still like her and it's not like she can't date just because I'm an idiot. We're both adults and she isn't in any way attached to me... (yet? )

So I wore the brave pants and a few weeks after we all came home I called her if she wanted to do something together. Well she didn't say yes or no, it was like she had to make up her mind. We did spoke on whatsapp but just casual chitchat. Now some time has past, and I think I may ****ed it up again. Maybe she wasn't just interested? 

Now the questions are: should I call her again and ask her out again? Or can I just ask it straightforward on whatsapp? She seemed very surprised I called. Not sure if it was in a good way. And I don't know if she still sees that 'fling' she told she had when she talked about it with my friend. It didn't sound like it was serious or any form of real relationship. 

At least I'm doing something. That's a huge step up for where I was a half year ago.


----------



## Zeeshan

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> I need some advice man.
> 
> I've been persuing this girl I know. I've know her for a few years but I only know her because we go every year to some festival and she always joins up. From a friend I know I blew a chance with her two years ago. I was really depressed back than and I was just in the right mind set to do anything, even though we ended up alone together. FML that I never did anything...
> 
> Anyway. This year we were there again. She gave me her phone number on facebook. She called when she arrived - this time she was going with two other friends - and we meet up together. I didn't get a chance to be alone with her.
> 
> Later I learned from my friends she did in fact was open for it two years ago. She even said she liked me and that I made her laugh. So I know for a fact she did liked me. Which was really good for my ego since I've never really had something like that comfirmed haha. But she told my buddy she was having a fling right now in her home town - we live about two hours apart. He didn't told me. I guess it's game over perhaps as he is more experienced as me and he probebly knows it will end in heartbrake. But **** it. I still like her and it's not like she can't date just because I'm an idiot. We're both adults and she isn't in any way attached to me... (yet? )
> 
> So I wore the brave pants and a few weeks after we all came home I called her if she wanted to do something together. Well she didn't say yes or no, it was like she had to make up her mind. We did spoke on whatsapp but just casual chitchat. Now some time has past, and I think I may ****ed it up again. Maybe she wasn't just interested?
> 
> Now the questions are: should I call her again and ask her out again? Or can I just ask it straightforward on whatsapp? She seemed very surprised I called. Not sure if it was in a good way. And I don't know if she still sees that 'fling' she told she had when she talked about it with my friend. It didn't sound like it was serious or any form of real relationship.
> 
> At least I'm doing something. That's a huge step up for where I was a half year ago.


Yeah sure try again


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Would it be dumb to just whatsapp and mentioned the time I called and ask her again for the next weekend or maybe a week later to give her time? 

I don't know if it's foolish or not to think I might have a chance, and if this is the best way. It seems casual enough. Maybe to casual?


----------



## jadengt50

I'm carpooling with my female friend, so were hanging every other day


----------



## Zeeshan

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> Would it be dumb to just whatsapp and mentioned the time I called and ask her again for the next weekend or maybe a week later to give her time?
> 
> I don't know if it's foolish or not to think I might have a chance, and if this is the best way. It seems casual enough. Maybe to casual?


Well doesn't hurt to try. However by the looks of it she is receiving an abundance of male attention like any young girl

Men create their own prisons


----------



## Zeeshan

Just haven't had any opportunity to cold approach looking for a nice break


----------



## rymo

CopadoMexicano said:


> Trying to change myself Is why Im feeling much more stressed and unhappy/empty. Its futile. Just being yourself to attract a woman is horrible advice. Its accepting youre a failure and not doing anything about it because you would have to change an aspect of yourself that doesn't feel natural.


I don't mean changing your personality, I mean pushing past all the pain of trying to date and talk to girls as a shy/socially anxious guy and emerging on the other side a more confident person. Exposure. Just like with anything else, practice makes it easier - even if, in the case of women, you're not happy with your social ability. In other words, the only way to get better is to do it. Simple as that.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Ok well I was in a "**** it" state of mind so I just asked her out again. She didn't respond. But you know what I feel great for just trying man. This year everything will change. This is just the beginning. I will find the girl that likes me. I don't care anymore how often I have to fall on my face. 

Still have hope for a positive response. But my guts say it's not good she's waiting so long. Or she waits for tomorrow to not seem to needy. Who knows. I shouldn't try and analyse this stuff. Just wait. No worries yet.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> I don't mean changing your personality, I mean pushing past all the pain of trying to date and talk to girls as a shy/socially anxious guy and emerging on the other side a more confident person. Exposure. Just like with anything else, practice makes it easier - even if, in the case of women, you're not happy with your social ability. In other words, the only way to get better is to do it. Simple as that.


I think on of the biggest hurdles is learning that we as we are, aren't that special. Too often the message delivered is to be yourself

We have to be willing to change ourselves if we want to be more inline with the person that we want to be.

What holds us back is we are comfortable with who we are. However there is nothing special about comfort. Its deceiving

Its okay to be uncomfortable in life.


----------



## Zeeshan

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> Ok well I was in a "**** it" state of mind so I just asked her out again. She didn't respond. But you know what I feel great for just trying man. This year everything will change. This is just the beginning. I will find the girl that likes me. I don't care anymore how often I have to fall on my face.
> 
> Still have hope for a positive response. But my guts say it's not good she's waiting so long. Or she waits for tomorrow to not seem to needy. Who knows. I shouldn't try and analyse this stuff. Just wait. No worries yet.


Exactly. We gain confidence just by trying. Sometimes we need closure on a crush. If you kept procrastinating about her you would have gained nothing. Yes you may find out she isn't interested and it will hurt.

But its better to hurt for a couple of days then living with the idea that maybe if you had tried.

See already you are moving on


----------



## Obfuscate

Alright, yesterday was the 4th time I asked out the girl I'm dating and she said she was busy. I think that out of 15 times I asked her out, 3 times she said yes.

I'm definitely starting to see how relationships are shaped in a manner akin to economics. You give and expect something in return. And when you realise the benefits of a certain enterprise are not greater than the costs, you give up in order to avoid sunk costs.
I am so hurt right now. I can't quite figure out whether she's trying to use me (I can't think of a reason why she would do this, obviously it's not sex and we barely talk now, so she doesn't look like she needs moral support) or if she's just unsure about the whole thing or maybe she wants to bail out and is too lazy to do it. I know she does not owe me anything and the fact that I showed her affection and support does not mean I'm entitled to recieve the same from her. She never asked for it. But our bond seems to be non-existant. Honestly, aside from the fact that we kissed (we didn't even make out) and cuddled, there is no reason to think that we're anything beyond friends.
This is why I'm thinking of keeping up with her shït for a while until we have sex and then just give up on her completely (I'm not talking about using her, but if teasing me is all she wants, after that she can tease me all she wants, I won't care anymore). Like I said, her decision to do so is totally legitimate, since I never refused or made my feeling hurt explicit to her (again, obviously it was not her intention to make me feel this way). It's a real shame; there's a couple of girls I flirt with a lot and haven't made a move only out of respect to her. But this is the path she apparently wants us to walk to...


----------



## Zeeshan

Obfuscate said:


> Alright, yesterday was the 4th time I asked out the girl I'm dating and she said she was busy. I think that out of 15 times I asked her out, 3 times she said yes.
> 
> I'm definitely starting to see how relationships are shaped in a manner akin to economics. You give and expect something in return. And when you realise the benefits of a certain enterprise are not greater than the costs, you give up in order to avoid sunk costs.
> I am so hurt right now. I can't quite figure out whether she's trying to use me (I can't think of a reason why she would do this, obviously it's not sex and we barely talk now, so she doesn't look like she needs moral support) or if she's just unsure about the whole thing or maybe she wants to bail out and is too lazy to do it. I know she does not owe me anything and the fact that I showed her affection and support does not mean I'm entitled to recieve the same from her. She never asked for it. But our bond seems to be non-existant. Honestly, aside from the fact that we kissed (we didn't even make out) and cuddled, there is no reason to think that we're anything beyond friends.
> This is why I'm thinking of keeping up with her shït for a while until we have sex and then just give up on her completely (I'm not talking about using her, but if teasing me is all she wants, after that she can tease me all she wants, I won't care anymore). Like I said, her decision to do so is totally legitimate, since I never refused or made my feeling hurt explicit to her (again, obviously it was not her intention to make me feel this way). It's a real shame; there's a couple of girls I flirt with a lot and haven't made a move only out of respect to her. But this is the path she apparently wants us to walk to...


how old are you?


----------



## Obfuscate

Zeeshan said:


> how old are you?


I'm 20


----------



## changeme77

I'm establishing a meaningful relationship with a girl. If you're going to take things seriously you have to be good friends first. Not saying anything will come of this friendship, just saying,


----------



## Sourdog

I need to stop comparing my life with others!


----------



## pete24

I think i'm ready to kind of not bother trying to get a girl.

The thing now is I have put my hands up to my gambling problem, depression and social anxiety and have been doing the video's of myself publicly on youtube going through my problems, what i'm doing to change and as the video's progress I should be looking, feeling and doing a lot better in life.

I got to the point when I started the video's that I have no shame. Why should I or any of us be ashamed about depression or social anxiety? Anyone can have those problems in life. Just like if someone has cancer... They won't feel any shame because it's not their fault. 

The problem is because i'm not ashamed, I have put my video links on facebook, and anyone who knows me can easily find the videos on youtube.

Screws any chance of meeting a girl though. Even if all goes well on a dating site, the second they add me on FB and see what i'm going through, they will do a runner.

Offline, i'm not interested in local women, I prefer a longer distance relationship than having someone local.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well bad news on the girl from work. My co worker has been hitting on her as well, mainly on the days I don't work. But he already has a pregnant girlfriend and he still hitting on her. Needless to say he's like 6'2-6'3 and what many women would consider attractive. 

Last night I went to go talk to her and he was already there and it looked like they were having a good conversation. Admittedly I was a little jealous. This morning when we were leaving I was going to ask for her number anyway but I punked out. I think I should cut my losses. But at the same time I feel like I should "fight" for her. But that would be giving her way to much attention which might make her think low of me. Any tips?


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Well bad news on the girl from work. My co worker has been hitting on her as well, mainly on the days I don't work. But he already has a pregnant girlfriend and he still hitting on her. Needless to say he's like 6'2-6'3 and what many women would consider attractive.
> 
> Last night I went to go talk to her and he was already there and it looked like they were having a good conversation. Admittedly I was a little jealous. This morning when we were leaving I was going to ask for her number anyway but I punked out. I think I should cut my losses. But at the same time I feel like I should "fight" for her. But that would be giving her way to much attention which might make her think low of me. Any tips?


Tell your coworker to back off or you'll tell his pregnant girl that he is cheating on her

J/k

Yeah its tough


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I think i'm ready to kind of not bother trying to get a girl.
> 
> The thing now is I have put my hands up to my gambling problem, depression and social anxiety and have been doing the video's of myself publicly on youtube going through my problems, what i'm doing to change and as the video's progress I should be looking, feeling and doing a lot better in life.
> 
> I got to the point when I started the video's that I have no shame. Why should I or any of us be ashamed about depression or social anxiety? Anyone can have those problems in life. Just like if someone has cancer... They won't feel any shame because it's not their fault.
> 
> The problem is because i'm not ashamed, I have put my video links on facebook, and anyone who knows me can easily find the videos on youtube.
> 
> Screws any chance of meeting a girl though. Even if all goes well on a dating site, the second they add me on FB and see what i'm going through, they will do a runner.
> 
> Offline, i'm not interested in local women, I prefer a longer distance relationship than having someone local.


Link?


----------



## Obfuscate

Well, I almost had enough. She half-assedly said she was sorry on Facebook and today, our teacher called sick and we got out earlier from class and had the whole day free. I asked her what she was up to and she said she was going to visit her mom at a friend's house (they live together, mind you). I couldn't fücking believe my ears, I just stood there and stonewalled her while she awkwardly kissed me goodbye.
I've been ignoring her on Facebook and maybe she could tell, because she saw that I was talking to our friends, and sent me a cartoon with a poem. I truthfully do not know what to make of this. We both write, so maybe she just meant it like "hey, check this out" (she did not write it, just to be clear).

If it wasn't for that last meaningless gesture, I would've given up and decided to play along until we have sex and then dump her. If she doesn't say anything next time we meet about this whole bullshït, I will do just that. If she wants me to be her little toy, I will also make her mine. This is a promise I make here to all of you, so I can't back down after this.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Link?


I'll inbox


----------



## Zeeshan

Obfuscate said:


> Well, I almost had enough. She half-assedly said she was sorry on Facebook and today, our teacher called sick and we got out earlier from class and had the whole day free. I asked her what she was up to and she said she was going to visit her mom at a friend's house (they live together, mind you). I couldn't fücking believe my ears, I just stood there and stonewalled her while she awkwardly kissed me goodbye.
> I've been ignoring her on Facebook and maybe she could tell, because she saw that I was talking to our friends, and sent me a cartoon with a poem. I truthfully do not know what to make of this. We both write, so maybe she just meant it like "hey, check this out" (she did not write it, just to be clear).
> 
> If it wasn't for that last meaningless gesture, I would've given up and decided to play along until we have sex and then dump her. If she doesn't say anything next time we meet about this whole bullshït, I will do just that. If she wants me to be her little toy, I will also make her mine. This is a promise I make here to all of you, so I can't back down after this.


Its kind of weird that you haven't had sex yet


----------



## Jesuszilla

How do some guys do it? Dude has a pregnant girlfriend and still managed to get the girl I'm interested at work. 

I made a huge mistake in not asking for her number earlier. But damn. I need to back away from women at work but this is the easiest place to socialize. 

I should have treated her like I would if I was out and about doing the cold approach. Just go for it. But I waited because we worked together I figured I had time on my side. I figured there was no rush to ask her out. But clearly I was wrong. Lesson learned. Back to square one for me.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> How do some guys do it? Dude has a pregnant girlfriend and still managed to get the girl I'm interested at work.
> 
> I made a huge mistake in not asking for her number earlier. But damn. I need to back away from women at work but this is the easiest place to socialize.
> 
> I should have treated her like I would if I was out and about doing the cold approach. Just go for it. But I waited because we worked together I figured I had time on my side. I figured there was no rush to ask her out. But clearly I was wrong. Lesson learned. Back to square one for me.


Wait how do you know he is with her? Do you really want a girl who will mess around with a guy about to be a father?

Pretty much high testosterone levels


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Wait how do you know he is with her? *Do you really want a girl who will mess around with a guy about to be a father?*
> 
> Pretty much high testosterone levels


Obviously not. I'm not sure she knows though. I know the guy is having a kid because we work together in the same department and he talks a lot. Like bragging without overtly bragging. As far as how I know, pics from last weekend. I guess they hung out together. See I don't work Friday and Saturday night and they do so from what I understand from my co worker, they hung out Saturday or Sunday before coming into work.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Obviously not. I'm not sure she knows though. I know the guy is having a kid because we work together in the same department and he talks a lot. Like bragging without overtly bragging. As far as how I know, pics from last weekend. I guess they hung out together. See I don't work Friday and Saturday night and they do so from what I understand from my co worker, they hung out Saturday or Sunday before coming into work.


You don't want a girl like that trust me

Not gf material i


----------



## SilentLyric

I'm working part time on weekends, now. Maybe I can meet a girl at work? Who knows. Although I don't really know how you can hit on a girl at work seeing as you're supposed to be helping out customers and not flirting with coworkers...


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> You don't want a girl like that trust me
> 
> Not gf material i


I'm going to take your word. I don't want to seem like I'm making excuses for her, its just some dudes do whatever it takes to get p**** and there is no limit to what they'll do to get it


----------



## Zeeshan

It has been a really down first 
10 days of September feeling very stagnant


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> 10 days of September feeling very stagnant


Same. Been too busy to really do much. Had to cancel a couple meetups last week. Have an opportunity today to make things happen, but not very interested. Will probably probably give it a good 2 hours for the hell of it.


----------



## Zeeshan

By the way

Activate Xtreme really good supplement


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Same. Been too busy to really do much. Had to cancel a couple meetups last week. Have an opportunity today to make things happen, but not very interested. Will probably probably give it a good 2 hours for the hell of it.


Clock keeps ticking man


----------



## Sourdog

Holy crap, my anxiety levels get so high sometimes. I recognized a girl from class, I could of went up to her and said hi, but instead I dickered off. I was Afraid of not knowing what to say. Damn!!! I guess I need to take smaller baby steps.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Holy crap, my anxiety levels get so high sometimes. I recognized a girl from class, I could of went up to her and said hi, but instead I dickered off. I was Afraid of not knowing what to say. Damn!!! I guess I need to take smaller baby steps.


Baby steps are good, but sometimes we do need to just take the plunge in cases of which time is not on our side.

Awesome! Push on through, and tell us what happens. It's a no-lose situation for you.

If time is not allotted in your favor with this girl, I would take the plunge and ask her out or ask for contact information. Rejection is normal and part of the process for men who take initiative with women. I personally feel a sense of pride in that. It also helps me realize it's no big deal.

If you aren't getting rejected, chances are you aren't making enough moves or dating much women. Why date "many" women? Well, because you'll find even the process of dating is riddled with girls who flake. I feel it is somewhat a necessity to date many women and eventually land one that reciprocates your level of interest.


----------



## Zeeshan

Worse feeling in the world

You message a girl

She checks out your profile

Consequently ignores you


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Worse feeling in the world
> 
> You message a girl
> 
> She checks out your profile
> 
> Consequently ignores you


This!!!! Always get this

What does it even mean? Your profile is crap? or you pic didnt look too bad as a small thumbnail, but when they saw it as full size on your profile they thought yuck?

September is really a crap month. Nearly half way through and I havent spoken to a single woman on online dating sites (well none I liked have replied to my first message).

Still browsing but what it comes down to online is women either are not my type (not attractive, hates things im into, id never be happy with them), they are my type but i'm not good enough for them online (If I was given a chance they would be more than happy). Or they are the wannabe model's that I would never have a chance with :/.

Does anyone message women that are after "dating but nothing serious" or "no commitment"? I never bother with them because most are probably just out of a relationship or want to date loads of guys and pick the best... screw being part of a competition


----------



## Zeeshan

Don't bother

Women of that nature are of low quality. Not wife material

Not a good first third of September. I realized today that unless I get overy fear of approaching women. I can't be happy. There will be no peace

Just a bit over 6 months for me to that scary 30


----------



## pete24

I feel the same. Online used to be so much better. Used to be able to meet loads of decent women online, now there's none really.

It's a tricky 1 going to approaching women in real life with SA. When people say just keep trying, it's easier said than done because they don't know how bad some of us can get when tying to approach.

I'm going to have to keep having days out as I don't like women in this area, seeing a new town may give me some confidence to meet new people.


----------



## huh

Both of my dates rescheduled for this weekend. Not holding my breath, but I'm hoping they don't end up cancelling at the last minute again.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> Both of my dates rescheduled for this weekend. Not holding my breath, but I'm hoping they don't end up cancelling at the last minute again.


Try making specific plans. I find women are less likely to flake if they know the exact location it helps a bit


----------



## huh

Zeeshan said:


> Try making specific plans. I find women are less likely to flake if they know the exact location it helps a bit


The plans for Friday are specific (they were last time too though), the Saturday one not so much. It's actually hard to get a good response out of the girl that wants to meet Saturday night. She wants to hang out at her place...isn't that a little strange for a girl to suggest on a first date/meetup with a guy? lol.


----------



## Conviction07

Each morning while I wait for the train, I kick rocks. Because women are extremely attracted to guys who are good rock kickers... 

I portray myself as the strong silent type. Minus the strong part.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> The plans for Friday are specific (they were last time too though), the Saturday one not so much. It's actually hard to get a good response out of the girl that wants to meet Saturday night. She wants to hang out at her place...isn't that a little strange for a girl to suggest on a first date/meetup with a guy? lol.


She wants to sleep with you, or at least have a makeout session


----------



## Obfuscate

Obfuscate said:


> Well, I almost had enough. She half-assedly said she was sorry on Facebook and today, our teacher called sick and we got out earlier from class and had the whole day free. I asked her what she was up to and she said she was going to visit her mom at a friend's house (they live together, mind you). I couldn't fücking believe my ears, I just stood there and stonewalled her while she awkwardly kissed me goodbye.
> I've been ignoring her on Facebook and maybe she could tell, because she saw that I was talking to our friends, and sent me a cartoon with a poem. I truthfully do not know what to make of this. We both write, so maybe she just meant it like "hey, check this out" (she did not write it, just to be clear).
> 
> If it wasn't for that last meaningless gesture, I would've given up and decided to play along until we have sex and then dump her. If she doesn't say anything next time we meet about this whole bullshït, I will do just that. If she wants me to be her little toy, I will also make her mine. This is a promise I make here to all of you, so I can't back down after this.


She didn't.
I stonewalled her during our whole trip home. She didn't say a thing. When she got off, I looked at her and she smiled and kissed me (like we hadn't spent those last 20 fücking minutes in utter silence).
When I got home, I was completely destroyed. I checked my Facebook and she sent me some retarded lolcat video. I usually have this thing where I hit rock bottom and then get a motivational boost (it's sort of a relief knowing that what you were after was just a mirage). I was seriously blown away at how little she cared (we obviously know each other enough, but she doesn't know how much of a loser I am, she doesn't know I'm inexperienced or that I suffer from depression, so I'd expect her to treat me like I was normal).

I go shower, make myself some supper and then smoke a cigarrette on the balcony and try (unsuccessfully, as always) to write. I check my Facebook and see this message from her: "So yeah, let me know if you wanna do something on Friday before class. I mean, if you can talk again by then, that is". This is such a waste, we could've built something beautiful, me and her. If this is the way she wants it to be, I'm just gonna play the idiot and have sex with her and then dump her ***.


----------



## Khantko

flex my muscles at the gym, hopefully i get a girl to come up to me and ask me out


----------



## pete24

Gone for a nasty approach of online dating.

Yesterday I sent this woman a well thought out and written message. We had a lot in common. She was slightly below my standards in look's. Most, if not all of my ex's were prettier than her.

I told myself before sending it that if I don't get a reply, i'm done with online dating.... Sure enough, she looked at my profile.... and NO REPLY :/.

Rather than delete my profile, I have turned it into a ranting profile. Basically put down what I think of the women on online dating websites. How its double standards galore (They say in their description they wont reply to messages saying "Hi".... But then they send you a message that just says "Hi") and how unless you have a 6 pack and bulging muscles, theres no chance.

Who know's maybe i'll get people messaging me if I take this new approach.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Gone for a nasty approach of online dating.
> 
> Yesterday I sent this woman a well thought out and written message. We had a lot in common. She was slightly below my standards in look's. Most, if not all of my ex's were prettier than her.
> 
> I told myself before sending it that if I don't get a reply, i'm done with online dating.... Sure enough, she looked at my profile.... and NO REPLY :/.
> 
> Rather than delete my profile, I have turned it into a ranting profile. Basically put down what I think of the women on online dating websites. How its double standards galore (They say in their description they wont reply to messages saying "Hi".... But then they send you a message that just says "Hi") and how unless you have a 6 pack and bulging muscles, theres no chance.
> 
> Who know's maybe i'll get people messaging me if I take this new approach.


you wont

Something needs to be done about this. Men are to blame for this behavior.

Same here, sometimes i lower my standards and guess what no replies. Thing is though i built an online dating profile of an average women, and she got tons and tons of messeges, but i didnt think guys were that impressive

So just dont understand at this point. They are just using it as an ego boost, they dont want to date, they just want to feel wanted.

Worst are men who have GF/Wifes who try to use online dating. We should try to make it our mission, to expose them all. Secretly browse mens profiles, and search out their facebooks, then inform their GF/Wife

Break homes :blank


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> you wont
> 
> Something needs to be done about this. Men are to blame for this behavior.
> 
> Same here, sometimes i lower my standards and guess what no replies. Thing is though i built an online dating profile of an average women, and she got tons and tons of messeges, but i didnt think guys were that impressive
> 
> So just dont understand at this point. They are just using it as an ego boost, they dont want to date, they just want to feel wanted.
> 
> Worst are men who have GF/Wifes who try to use online dating. We should try to make it our mission, to expose them all. Secretly browse mens profiles, and search out their facebooks, then inform their GF/Wife
> 
> Break homes :blank


Well my profile is updated with them negative things. A quote from my new profile is "Just because you have a bachelor's/graduate degree, it doesn't mean your above everyone else and have to be so stuck up".

I know that thing where even the worst women get loads of messages. I just had a look on badoo. This 1 girl who is really ugly. Her face has this horrible gurn to it, hair looks greasy and im sure she would smell of really bad body odor.... However this month... 4,270 profile views and 4 virtual gift's sent to her. Me: about 30 profile views and 0 virtual gift's since joining a year ago.

Had year's of success with online dating but it's come to the end of any success now.

Looks like my only chance of not remaining single forever is to get drunk when I visit other new towns and hope some chance comes up so I can approach


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Well my profile is updated with them negative things. A quote from my new profile is "Just because you have a bachelor's/graduate degree, it doesn't mean your above everyone else and have to be so stuck up".
> 
> I know that thing where even the worst women get loads of messages. I just had a look on badoo. This 1 girl who is really ugly. Her face has this horrible gurn to it, hair looks greasy and im sure she would smell of really bad body odor.... However this month... 4,270 profile views and 4 virtual gift's sent to her. Me: about 30 profile views and 0 virtual gift's since joining a year ago.
> 
> Had year's of success with online dating but it's come to the end of any success now.
> 
> Looks like my only chance of not remaining single forever is to get drunk when I visit other new towns and hope some chance comes up so I can approach


I know that too

Inside I know online dating will not work but then I get lonely....


----------



## pete24

Yeah its that thought of you got not chance if you havent got a profile, then again I keep thinking that not having a profile is better than being constantly shot down by women you wouldnt look twice at in the street.


----------



## bsd3355

*Personal thoughts lately; on dating for men, etc.*

Was very close to requesting another permanent ban today (2nd). The first ban just somehow lifted, and I really don't remember how or why, but I guess it's a new policy. Sometimes I feel like I make a fool out of myself on here, and this **** with girls and relationships and all this stuff gets too consuming for me after a while, but I know I'll be back at it. I can't really control what I want when it comes to feelings about dating/relationships, but for some reason I seem to be in good control of other emotions.

The thing I hate but can't really seem to step away from is the ups and downs of all of this stuff (emotionally). And what is ironic is the downs are initiates the ups, and also progress (dating, girlfriend, other related stuff). It is almost like they are interwoven together. I would like to separate myself from always wanting to do this from time to time, but I think I'm fighting an uphill battle because I'm going against ingrain stuff in my system biologically, and if it ain't biological than it's a mental thing, in the sense that I am very stubborn and I absolutely cannot stand giving up on things.

This post seems like a defeatist post, but I'm just emotional today and I want to vent and express I guess. The **** just comes out of nowhere too. Technically, I've been through, what I think, is a lot of experiences with regards to this stuff. Even though I feel I've got a decent handle on it now more than ever, there is always something that bothers me, always. Sometimes you'll read about the experiences from seemingly inexperienced people and you'd be ****ing shocked as the pro-level of these people in terms of experiences (both girls and guys), so i feel kind of presumptuous every time I say I feel like I've experienced a lot--maybe not compared to these people! Holy ****.

All the guys here who are trying, props. All the ladies out there trying, props. I go crazy if I'm not working toward something sometimes. I can't seem to let this **** go. Can't believe how big of a part of my life this occupies my mind with. Idk, just wanted to say that stuff anyway. Got a couple other things on my mind. I used to like the blogs but I got a bit feeling like people didn't want hear that crap all the time on there, which is why I'm writing here I guess. Idk.

Anyway, yesterday went out, got 2 numbers. I have 3 other numbers in my phone from girls I got numbers from a few weeks ago but I can feel things are going stale with regard to meetups, etc. Haha, I actually forgot about those numbers for the last week or so lol. My current goal is to stop wasting time on girls who meet up without an interest in dating, so I am consciously getting numbers and saying something like this after texting back and forth for a bit: "Would you like to go on a coffee date sometime?". In other words, I am making it very, very clear the intentions before we meet up so both aren't wasting our time. I am getting very bored with dates lately and I do NOT want to waste my time, especially now that I am very busy. So my current goal is to mass approach, mass collect numbers, and mass text out dating invitations with it well known that is why I want to meet up, and the girls who agree are basically agreeing under those terms, so it should be a could sifting process that way. What do I expect as far as results? I expect a **** ton of girls who will not agree to a date, and I expect a **** ton of girls who will flake, or say they have boyfriends, or w/e, but I also expect it to work. Ironically, the expectations of knowing what to expect are helpful, even with lost of rejection.

Also, every dude is getting rejected who goes out and tries. Some dudes are studs and don't get as MUCH rejections, but they get rejected. Yes, looks matter. Yes, age matters sometime. But I think the thing to remember is there are so many girls out there that it's bound to happen, w/e you want to happen, that is. I know that sounds vague and nonspecific and "duh", but that's basically what it is.

I'll be honest, I won't waste my time online anymore unless I am going all out, and within 2 weeks I can guarantee I shut that **** off. The truth is, competition for girls is high, but online it is REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY high because everyone feels confident enough to flirt with girls online. Also, the truth girls have it easier in dating is obvious ****ing true. Anyone who says otherwise clearly is not looking at the ****ing stats. So with that said, I feel like it our duty to hit on girls lol. It is what it is. Shamelessness and active persuit is what gets guys results, so if you want results you got to be shameless sometimes and line em' up and shoot em' down, because girls will be doing that to your advances if you are making moves.

Maybe tomorrow morning, before class, my goal is to collect 4 numbers tomorrow.

Off to work. Later.


----------



## pete24

A lot of good point's there again bwidger. Thats crazy the amount of numbers you manage to get.

Too right about online. A woman only has to log in and more messages than any of us guys can imagine will appear in her inbox.



Been thinking about the whole dating thing all day today and what it comes down to is I cant be bothered.

I think about cold approaching and I agree, practice makes perfect but it will probably take me 50 cold approaches to have the confidence to fully make eye contact and not be a mumbling idiot... When in actual fact, is it even worth it?

I'm not the worst looking guy, and I have more to offer a woman than she could offer me. I get good money coming in, can book my own free time, have a lot of interesting plans we could do and i'm not a compulsive liar/cheater nor do I ever get violent with women.

So why should it always be up to me to approach? Never has any woman approached me. 

Plus approaching is ruining my health. I don't want to drink alcohol. I hate the stuff, hate the depression for days after, but the only chance of cold approaching working is to get a bit "tipsy" beforehand. Pointless really


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> Was very close to requesting another permanent ban today (2nd). The first ban just somehow lifted, and I really don't remember how or why, but I guess it's a new policy. Sometimes I feel like I make a fool out of myself on here, and this **** with girls and relationships and all this stuff gets too consuming for me after a while, but I know I'll be back at it. I can't really control what I want when it comes to feelings about dating/relationships, but for some reason I seem to be in good control of other emotions.
> 
> The thing I hate but can't really seem to step away from is the ups and downs of all of this stuff (emotionally). And what is ironic is the downs are initiates the ups, and also progress (dating, girlfriend, other related stuff). It is almost like they are interwoven together. I would like to separate myself from always wanting to do this from time to time, but I think I'm fighting an uphill battle because I'm going against ingrain stuff in my system biologically, and if it ain't biological than it's a mental thing, in the sense that I am very stubborn and I absolutely cannot stand giving up on things.
> 
> This post seems like a defeatist post, but I'm just emotional today and I want to vent and express I guess. The **** just comes out of nowhere too. Technically, I've been through, what I think, is a lot of experiences with regards to this stuff. Even though I feel I've got a decent handle on it now more than ever, there is always something that bothers me, always. Sometimes you'll read about the experiences from seemingly inexperienced people and you'd be ****ing shocked as the pro-level of these people in terms of experiences (both girls and guys), so i feel kind of presumptuous every time I say I feel like I've experienced a lot--maybe not compared to these people! Holy ****.
> 
> All the guys here who are trying, props. All the ladies out there trying, props. I go crazy if I'm not working toward something sometimes. I can't seem to let this **** go. Can't believe how big of a part of my life this occupies my mind with. Idk, just wanted to say that stuff anyway. Got a couple other things on my mind. I used to like the blogs but I got a bit feeling like people didn't want hear that crap all the time on there, which is why I'm writing here I guess. Idk.
> 
> Anyway, yesterday went out, got 2 numbers. I have 3 other numbers in my phone from girls I got numbers from a few weeks ago but I can feel things are going stale with regard to meetups, etc. Haha, I actually forgot about those numbers for the last week or so lol. My current goal is to stop wasting time on girls who meet up without an interest in dating, so I am consciously getting numbers and saying something like this after texting back and forth for a bit: "Would you like to go on a coffee date sometime?". In other words, I am making it very, very clear the intentions before we meet up so both aren't wasting our time. I am getting very bored with dates lately and I do NOT want to waste my time, especially now that I am very busy. So my current goal is to mass approach, mass collect numbers, and mass text out dating invitations with it well known that is why I want to meet up, and the girls who agree are basically agreeing under those terms, so it should be a could sifting process that way. What do I expect as far as results? I expect a **** ton of girls who will not agree to a date, and I expect a **** ton of girls who will flake, or say they have boyfriends, or w/e, but I also expect it to work. Ironically, the expectations of knowing what to expect are helpful, even with lost of rejection.
> 
> Also, every dude is getting rejected who goes out and tries. Some dudes are studs and don't get as MUCH rejections, but they get rejected. Yes, looks matter. Yes, age matters sometime. But I think the thing to remember is there are so many girls out there that it's bound to happen, w/e you want to happen, that is. I know that sounds vague and nonspecific and "duh", but that's basically what it is.
> 
> I'll be honest, I won't waste my time online anymore unless I am going all out, and within 2 weeks I can guarantee I shut that **** off. The truth is, competition for girls is high, but online it is REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY high because everyone feels confident enough to flirt with girls online. Also, the truth girls have it easier in dating is obvious ****ing true. Anyone who says otherwise clearly is not looking at the ****ing stats. So with that said, I feel like it our duty to hit on girls lol. It is what it is. Shamelessness and active persuit is what gets guys results, so if you want results you got to be shameless sometimes and line em' up and shoot em' down, because girls will be doing that to your advances if you are making moves.
> 
> Maybe tomorrow morning, before class, my goal is to collect 4 numbers tomorrow.
> 
> Off to work. Later.


Very good post bro. It's amazing how many numbers you can get, I think you are on the fast track to finding someone you can truly connect with. One day, i'll get the balls to start cold approaching.................one day.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Very good post bro. It's amazing how many numbers you can get, I think you are on the fast track to finding someone you can truly connect with. One day, i'll get the balls to start cold approaching.................one day.


he is a true inspiration, whats best is like us he was scared out of his brains as well, and he was able to get over that.


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## Sourdog

The other day I met this cute Serbian girl who I talked with for quite awhile at a friends dorm. I tried to flirt a bit lol, but I think she talks to a lot of guys like that. At least I got some practice talking to a girl one on one.


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> he is a true inspiration, whats best is like us he was scared out of his brains as well, and he was able to get over that.


Its amazing what ones capable of when they're driven. Lets hope we can obtain that kind of drive one day.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Zeeshan said:


> I think on of the biggest hurdles is learning that we as we are, aren't that special. Too often the message delivered is to be yourself
> 
> We have to be willing to change ourselves if we want to be more inline with the person that we want to be.
> 
> What holds us back is we are comfortable with who we are. However there is nothing special about comfort. Its deceiving
> 
> Its okay to be uncomfortable in life.


Well just as an update. She responded yesterday evening. She said she was sorry she didn't responded sooner. I think there is the hint she's not interested. The second hint is that she is busy again. I think I'll just let her go now, she clearly isn't interested anymore or found somebody else.

*sigh* I don't meet many girls. I can't help but be extremely negative again. Feels like I'm going to be one of those guys who never been seen with a girl. The sad sack. Whatever. I guess I'll just have to entertain myself until I expire.


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## kursedlife

I'm 40 years old and have been single for 13 years. I haven't really tried to meet women. I never know what to say, and on the rare occasions I do manage to talk to someone, I end up wasting my time. I've pretty much accepted the fact that women just aren't attracted to me, and I'll always be alone depressed and miserable. Maybe I'll have better luck in the next life.....


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## bsd3355

Not going to call them "dates", because that's not what I think they are, but I had a _meetup_ with a girl I got a number from a few weeks ago tonight. I haven't been putting much effort into it lately. I find I do that all the time, and it's the ebb and flow of things sometimes.

Anyway, met up with her around 8pm tonight in the main part of the campus's cafeteria, which doesn't close till much later I think. My intention was to talk to her there for a bit so she felt comfortable with me, and then ask if she wanted to rent and watch a movie. We talked for about 40 minutes or so, maybe longer. Long story short, she walked me to my car but she didn't go with me because she had to "study for a test tuesday", so that was that. It's nice to have a night to myself anyway 

Wanted to wake up earlier than usual today to collect more numbers, but didn't get off work till around 2am last night, so I just slept in till a couple hrs before class. When I got back from class I had the meetup with the girl.

Next week will definitely get more numbers--will have to. Might get some more this weekend. A very well-known cycle of flakes are to be expected, as usual.

Btw, the girl I didn't ask "would you like to go on a coffee date?", and so I didn't make it clear we were meeting up for a date, so it didn't have the date vibe behind it. I didn't ask her for "a date" mainly because it was an older number and I didn't want to come out of left field with the date thing, so I just met up under no context but to meet up. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I want to make it very clear of the "date context" thing with most girls, because that depends on if I want to screen for certain girls or not.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> A lot of good point's there again bwidger. Thats crazy the amount of numbers you manage to get.
> 
> Too right about online. A woman only has to log in and more messages than any of us guys can imagine will appear in her inbox.
> 
> Been thinking about the whole dating thing all day today and what it comes down to is I cant be bothered.
> 
> I think about cold approaching and I agree, practice makes perfect but it will probably take me 50 cold approaches to have the confidence to fully make eye contact and not be a mumbling idiot... When in actual fact, is it even worth it?
> 
> I'm not the worst looking guy, and I have more to offer a woman than she could offer me. I get good money coming in, can book my own free time, have a lot of interesting plans we could do and i'm not a compulsive liar/cheater nor do I ever get violent with women.
> 
> So why should it always be up to me to approach? Never has any woman approached me.
> 
> Plus approaching is ruining my health. I don't want to drink alcohol. I hate the stuff, hate the depression for days after, but the only chance of cold approaching working is to get a bit "tipsy" beforehand. Pointless really


I hear it. I look at it kind of like I'm doing myself a favor in many ways, almost like working out the body and mind or something, so the work is worth it to me. I don't really care to do much else, given my own devices, anyway. It's not like I want to go hang out with friends or something. I don't care much about that at all. I don't really care about having a social life. The most enjoyable thing I like to do is things on the internet and completing goals (school, meeting girls, working out, learning new things), so in a sense, it is almost like a hobby as well as a personal journey. So it's just something I enjoy doing as well, even though it's tough, and there are times I hate it to. But when I don't do it for a while I miss it. If I'm in a relationship or something then I'm content in a relationship. But while I'm single, I enjoy it, and I'd rather do it over most things. I don't mean I'm addicted to being single hitting on girls. It's not like that.

Not saying it is or should be mean the same for anyone else. Everyone has their preferences.



Sourdog said:


> Its amazing what ones capable of when they're driven. Lets hope we can obtain that kind of drive one day.


It's not like I'm like that with everything. Somethings I just work harder for, usually because the pain of not doing so is greater than taking action, and that was the case with girls. The pain of all the years of loneliness and feeling like an outcast when it came to relationships with girls was the drive that started me and kept me going. Technically, it's a simple thing to do: you talk to girls, ask for a date or a number, and see who reciprocates, but it's the internal stuff that really hurts us, so that is another big motivator. I just have a lot of stuff tied into it, and I honestly don't do it because I read it online, I think it's what I have to do regardless, and I'd be doing it anyway because I have to, like most guys gave to. It also depends on what you want out of it. Some people it's just not that important to them, which is fine. One of my greatest goals was to "get good at meeting women", which meant I felt like I had control over my dating life. It wasn't until this year I feel like I can do that. Most PEOPLE do not feel in control of their dating lives, because it's hard. It doesn't mean I can do anything I want, and it doesn't mean I won't get rejected more or less than someone else, all it means is that I feel competent about the process and confident I can make things happen and make things happen to a degree in which I want them. The struggle never leaves, but the competence tells me it's hard to fail now.


----------



## Sourdog

bwidger85 said:


> I hear it. I look at it kind of like I'm doing myself a favor in many ways, almost like working out the body and mind or something, so the work is worth it to me. I don't really care to do much else, given my own devices, anyway. It's not like I want to go hang out with friends or something. I don't care much about that at all. I don't really care about having a social life. The most enjoyable thing I like to do is things on the internet and completing goals (school, meeting girls, working out, learning new things), so in a sense, it is almost like a hobby as well as a personal journey. So it's just something I enjoy doing as well, even though it's tough, and there are times I hate it to. But when I don't do it for a while I miss it. If I'm in a relationship or something then I'm content in a relationship. But while I'm single, I enjoy it, and I'd rather do it over most things. I don't mean I'm addicted to being single hitting on girls. It's not like that.
> 
> Not saying it is or should be mean the same for anyone else. Everyone has their preferences.
> 
> It's not like I'm like that with everything. Somethings I just work harder for, usually because the pain of not doing so is greater than taking action, and that was the case with girls. The pain of all the years of loneliness and feeling like an outcast when it came to relationships with girls was the drive that started me and kept me going. Technically, it's a simple thing to do: you talk to girls, ask for a date or a number, and see who reciprocates, but it's the internal stuff that really hurts us, so that is another big motivator. I just have a lot of stuff tied into it, and I honestly don't do it because I read it online, I think it's what I have to do regardless, and I'd be doing it anyway because I have to, like most guys gave to. It also depends on what you want out of it. Some people it's just not that important to them, which is fine. One of my greatest goals was to "get good at meeting women", which meant I felt like I had control over my dating life. It wasn't until this year I feel like I can do that. Most PEOPLE do not feel in control of their dating lives, because it's hard. It doesn't mean I can do anything I want, and it doesn't mean I won't get rejected more or less than someone else, all it means is that I feel competent about the process and confident I can make things happen and make things happen to a degree in which I want them. The struggle never leaves, but the competence tells me it's hard to fail now.


I'm having the same feelings now as you once did, i'm *****ing sick of being alone!


----------



## pete24

Well and truly dried up with things. That girl who messaged me on Badoo the other week (The 1 I knew already, nearly had a relationship with but decided against it) was exactly as predicted.

She messaged me first the other week, asked how I was doing and I said about meeting up. Pretty much was fed bullcrap with her saying she really want's to and will let me know when she's free.

As predicted, 10 days later, no mention of meeting and clearly no intention to meet. Deleting that account anyway, my profile has been viewed 39 times in a year.... Women's profiles are viewed 3000+ times in the first week of them becoming a member, says it all really


----------



## pete24

I guess i'll post again,

On POF. Last few days.....

My new profile which is filled with negativity had 3 messages in 3 days.... Each time I think "maybe this new strategy has worked" and for a moment get slightly excited... Then I check my inbox... An avatar of an oldish woman appears next to the message.... I sink a bit but think it's better than no messages at all.

Then after opening the message I completely feel sunk as I notice its a dating event invite sent to everyone within a 100 mile radius from the event.... pfft


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> I guess i'll post again,
> 
> On POF. Last few days.....
> 
> My new profile which is filled with negativity had 3 messages in 3 days.... Each time I think "maybe this new strategy has worked" and for a moment get slightly excited... Then I check my inbox... An avatar of an oldish woman appears next to the message.... I sink a bit but think it's better than no messages at all.
> 
> Then after opening the message I completely feel sunk as I notice its a dating event invite sent to everyone within a 100 mile radius from the event.... pfft


Maybe you should realize that online sucks and try other things for a while?

You may be surprised to find the amount of work you do online can be transferred offline to give you real results.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe you should realize that online sucks and try other things for a while?
> 
> You may be surprised to find the amount of work you do online can be transferred offline to give you tangible results.


Indeed I should try offline but I just gather i'm not too ready for it.

The only known chance for approaching women in this town is when clubbing. Only way to approach then is through alcohol and I don't want to drink anymore really. It makes me feel like crap, damages my health... and all for what? To have a chance with someone who will run the other way once they find out about my SA (or as of recently, when they add me on FB and see iv been doing public videos on youtube talking about how i'm recovering from gambling addiction, social anxiety and depression).

Confidence is the key, chances are i'll never be able to fully fight the SA or bring it to a level where i'm confident enough to cold approach without alcohol. Women will just have to accept it as a part of me. The only women that are likely to accept it are the women that go that extra mile to approach me. None would be happy with me cold approaching considering I can't even make or keep friends, so i'm never going to be able to sell myself and seem like a good catch to women I cold approach


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## pete24

Oh damn, an extra update..... (just)...

So that girl on Badoo, the 1 I knew in person who messaged me first and agreed to my idea of meeting up... followed by her saying "I will let you know when i'm free"... Which is blatantly her saying "I'll bail out and say that and never reply again".

Earlier I messaged her saying it's obvious she doesnt want to meet and it was just an excuse that i'm cool with. I said I hope she has some luck on the site etc.

Her reply that I just checked was more bullcrap... saying shes been busy and then gave me her number.

Too obvious she only gave me her number out of guilt or something... message deleted


----------



## Zeeshan

This is definitely the worst of time for me as well, probably the worst day ive had in a long time

I joined a friend who was studying at a nearby college campus, id figure id join him and see if there were opportunities to approach. There were a few, but i was as frozen as ever. I thought i could really do it now, with all the progress i made, nope. Just couldn't do it, kept making excuses etc. Eventually went home feeling worse, when i saw a guy with a really hot girl walking hand in hand, and all i could think about was how good he was getting it.

Then i calmed myself down, i live in a fairly large building. Its Saturday night, and the only times i have been out on Saturday is when ive been with a girl. since i am not dating any girl at all right now, i dont really have friends, thus nothing to do. So i thought i would go for a long walk, and listen to an audio book. 

As i got on the elevator there was a group of twenty somethings, three men and three women, all having some sort of party or something i dont know. It was like the longest elevator ride ever. I was the shortest person, and it was like loser town. I am only 5'7 and my height has always brought about insecurities in me. 

I felt such a sinking feeling. Plus when they got off, a larger party group was waiting for them. All of them going to some sort of a party in the building or something. It was a firm reminder of how i dont fit into society at all. How i am an outcast, and how this has cost me everything.

I have always been anti-social, although i have had close friends at different times in life. I have really a lot of insecurities about the night life. I think that if i had been different in my earlier 20s, i wouldnt have felt like this. I tried to calm myself down, coming to terms with the fact that i would never ever be part of this group. Their lives seemed so foreign to me, it was all so unnatural. 

Anyhow just wanted to post somewhere the way i felt. I didnt go for a walk, just a long drive, and came back home. Thought i was going to drink, but not in the mood for that. 

I guess one of the reasons i liked being with the two girls i saw this summer (A in July, and S in August) is that being with them made me feel like i wasn't an outcast. That i had a little bit of society in me.


----------



## huh

My date Friday night was ok. Some awkward moments, but mostly fine. I got the feeling she wasn't too interested in me but I'm not really sure. I texted her later that I had a nice time and we should go out again sometime. She agreed, so I dunno. I'm going to text her again tomorrow to try to plan something.

I was supposed to go out with another girl tonight but she seemed to flak out once again. This was already a reschedule...so kind of annoying. I even talked with her quick around 4 today and she wanted to meet still but now hasn't responded since. I think I'm pretty much giving up on her. She's attractive and we have a lot in common, but she keeps blowing off our plans.


----------



## Zeeshan

ON Online dating

i was talking to four girls this week, however i decided to end all four of the conversation, after i realized that they were just not attractive women. I know i am not that great anymore, but now i have also come to realize that i cannot get hard, if i dont find the woman attractive 

So i decided there is no point. The girl i was with was so hard broken, she knew that it was because i didnt find her attractive. I am not going to do that to another girl, Some guys it doesnt matter to them. I dont have that much of a sexual need i guess, and my imagination doesnt work as much. This girl in question turned me on with her clothes on, but when they came off, i went soft :-(

It was too much for me.


----------



## bsd3355

@Zeeshan: Approaching girls IRL is very tough at first. Slow progress will get you there. If you want to give it a whirl, you should make small goals. It really is about momentum.

Also, you will always go through ups and downs with regard to how you feel, and the same goes with a progression in moving forward, so that means you will always have the dips, and confidence is a fluid thing. Overall, it gets easier to deal with and it isn't too much of a big deal, but right now your feelings of hopelessness are multiplying things for you I think. You can desensitize yourself on a massive scale, but that takes a very large amount of dedication and huge jumps in pushing your comfort zone day in and day out (ex: approaching tons of girls a day or night or week). Realize, that without confronting your comfort zones you are stuck in an anxiety world and you are not desensitizing that fear. But it will come back once you stop for a while.

EDIT*
Take a look at simplepickup. If you want to be hardcore, you can try daygame (1 or 2) or even RSD.

If you don't want to try it anymore, that's cool, and I hope you get feeling better 

@huh: Awesome with the date! Sounds good! With the other girl, flakes are very common, just chalk it up for part of the process. As you can see, if you talk to enough girls there will be lots of girls who flake and a small percent of girls who are interested in dating, and even a smaller amount of girls who are a good match for exactly what you want. It truly is a number's game in that sense. Looks like you are doing it right! Awesome!


----------



## pete24

Ouch Zee, sounds like you have had a tough run of it mate ....


It is pretty depressing seeing others being social as hell, n we almost just sit back and watch. Dunno what to say mate.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> @Zeeshan: Approaching girls IRL is very tough at first. Slow progress will get you there. If you want to give it a whirl, you should make small goals. It really is about momentum.
> 
> Also, you will always go through ups and downs with regard to how you feel, and the same goes with a progression in moving forward, so that means you will always have the dips, and confidence is a fluid thing. Overall, it gets easier to deal with and it isn't too much of a big deal, but right now your feelings of hopelessness are multiplying things for you I think. You can desensitize yourself on a massive scale, but that takes a very large amount of dedication and huge jumps in pushing your comfort zone day in and day out (ex: approaching tons of girls a day or night or week). Realize, that without confronting your comfort zones you are stuck in an anxiety world and you are not desensitizing that fear. But it will come back once you stop for a while.
> 
> I usually don't tell guys on this forum to check out RSD videos because it's pretty hardcore, but if you want a hardcore mentality and take on approaching, it will help you with that. RSD isn't for the faint of heart, but it is the most in-depth hardcore public community out there with huge amounts of information (it is relative not just to night life). You can also try daygame. com (daygame official; behinddaygame). Probably the easiest to implement is simplepickup.
> 
> If you don't want to try it anymore, that's cool, and I hope you get feeling better
> 
> @huh: Awesome with the date! Sounds good! With the other girl, flakes are very common, just chalk it up for part of the process. As you can see, if you talk to enough girls there will be lots of girls who flake and a small percent of girls who are interested in dating, and even a smaller amount of girls who are a good match for exactly what you want. It truly is a number's game in that sense. Looks like you are doing it right! Awesome!


Thanks, I plan to keep trying. I am going to go to that campus a lot, as i think its the best place to practice, plus i can do other work etc.

I know that unless i get over this fear i wont have a life, i'll just keep trying over and over until i finally do it.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Ouch Zee, sounds like you have had a tough run of it mate ....
> 
> It is pretty depressing seeing others being social as hell, n we almost just sit back and watch. Dunno what to say mate.


I think ive come to terms with how things are. I think what hurt me the most was 2 years i practically spent as a shut in 8 years ago. I think this set me behind in life, to the point of having to come back from all that.

Its not like those people will ever remember me anyways,


----------



## Sourdog

Ugh feeling down on myself, I lied about my virginity to some new friends of mine and they said they were surprised i've done it. Like what does that mean? Am i too awkward or something, how the ***** do they know??? It's like people can pick up on that ****.


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Ugh feeling down on myself, I lied about my virginity to some new friends of mine and they said they were surprised i've done it. Like what does that mean? Am i too awkward or something, how the ***** do they know??? It's like people can pick up on that ****.


You probably didn't say it in a very convincing manner. No need to lie about it dude, you're 18 - still plenty young. Not that you should ever lie about it, but it doesn't get that sad until you're at least well into your 20s. But honestly, no one really gives a **** about your virginity status anyway. Other guys will bust your balls but it really doesn't mean anything.


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


> You probably didn't say it in a very convincing manner. No need to lie about it dude, you're 18 - still plenty young. Not that you should ever lie about it, but it doesn't get that sad until you're at least well into your 20s. But honestly, no one really gives a **** about your virginity status anyway. Other guys will bust your balls but it really doesn't mean anything.


Yeah, you're right. Such a stupid thing to care about so much.


----------



## pete24

On pof had a message from someone who I messaged ages ago that didn't reply.

As I mentioned here before, my profile has been completely changed. It's not longer the nice profile it's always been. It states some bitter truth's about dating sites.

Anyway she messaged me back today saying "wow, seen your profile.... You have a lot of anger"

My reply... "yes, your pretty observant"


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> On pof had a message from someone who I messaged ages ago that didn't reply.
> 
> As I mentioned here before, my profile has been completely changed. It's not longer the nice profile it's always been. It states some bitter truth's about dating sites.
> 
> Anyway she messaged me back today saying "wow, seen your profile.... You have a lot of anger"
> 
> My reply... "yes, your pretty observant"


Lol did it start the convo

Would confirm my women like the abuse theory j/k

I quit online canceled match.com


----------



## autumnmoon

Hi, I am new to the forum. I am not doing anything right now apart from being pessimistic about myself. But I want to change and would really appreciate it if anyone could help me, even a little, just point me in the right direction please.

Thanks


----------



## Zeeshan

autumnmoon said:


> Hi, I am new to the forum. I am not doing anything right now apart from being pessimistic about myself. But I want to change and would really appreciate it if anyone could help me, even a little, just point me in the right direction please.
> 
> Thanks


Read this thread from the beginning

Its like a treasure house of dating and experience with women

One day it will be in a time capsule and future generations shall say my god what Neanderthals


----------



## autumnmoon

Zeeshan said:


> Read this thread from the beginning
> 
> Its like a treasure house of dating and experience with women
> 
> One day it will be in a time capsule and future generations shall say my god what Neanderthals


Thanks , its worth a start.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Lol did it start the convo
> 
> Would confirm my women like the abuse theory j/k
> 
> I quit online canceled match.com


Haha,

No reply after my reply to her.

Maybe it's a turning point. Why polish myself up on a dating site when I have SA/depression/gambling addiction's i'm recovering from and at very least will probably have SA all my life.

Sadly 99.99999999999% of women will assume i'm "weird", "mental" or a "waste of space" because of that. Society can be blamed for branding mental illness as someone banging their head against the wall all day and needing to be restrained.

As for my realisation.... If I tell the truth, I may never have a gf again... which is better than saying i'm a 100% fully functioning person and have them read the signs wrong (depression, SA, etc) and think it's the person I am.

You giving up with the online dating thing then mate?


----------



## Zeeshan

Yep

I left pof on just for kicks but not actively trying. This girl who I cut off contact with ( 5 at best ) keeps looking at my profile and messaging me. I was chatting with her before then realized I don't want her

Another cute girl contacted me yesterday. She shared her pics and things were going well until I shared my religious background after which she wasn't interested

That's pretty much it. I'm going to call a chick I got her number a couple of months back anyway for practice today. 

Other then that a big 0 in life


----------



## Zeeshan

I've been listening to someone called Ross Jefferies unstoppable confidence on YouTube

Its really old but I don't know it makes me think that it's possible


----------



## autumnmoon

After Zeeshan's advice to me yesterday, I spent the whole night searching about this 'PUA' and I ended with a book called the THE GAME by Neil Strauss. I read a lot. Has anyone else read this?


----------



## pete24

sounds crap . Hope you have success soon dude.

Just got onto badoo and had a look at my picture rating by women.... pfft.... I cant get if this is good or not....

2 have voted 9/10, 1 says 5/10 and another says 7/10. Considering women tend to vote harshly, that aint a bad result....


edit: 2 votes now... 1 8/10 and the other voted 6/10....


----------



## autumnmoon

pete24 said:


> sounds crap . Hope you have success soon dude.
> 
> Just got onto badoo and had a look at my picture rating by women.... pfft.... I cant get if this is good or not....
> 
> 2 have voted 9/10, 1 says 5/10 and another says 7/10. Considering women tend to vote harshly, that aint a bad result....
> 
> edit: 2 votes now... 1 8/10 and the other voted 6/10....


Do people randomly rate your picture or do you ask for it to be rated? I am thinking of getting myself rated but I am a little hesitant. Should I probably post my picture here. I am looking for some constructive criticism.


----------



## Zeeshan

autumnmoon said:


> Do people randomly rate your picture or do you ask for it to be rated? I am thinking of getting myself rated but I am a little hesitant. Should I probably post my picture here. I am looking for some constructive criticism.


Yeah I'd be hesitant too...not sure if I'd like the results

Yeah you should read that book. Maybe you can apply it


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> sounds crap . Hope you have success soon dude.
> 
> Just got onto badoo and had a look at my picture rating by women.... pfft.... I cant get if this is good or not....
> 
> 2 have voted 9/10, 1 says 5/10 and another says 7/10. Considering women tend to vote harshly, that aint a bad result....
> 
> edit: 2 votes now... 1 8/10 and the other voted 6/10....


Man efff that, my self esteem is low enough lol!


----------



## bsd3355

autumnmoon said:


> After Zeeshan's advice to me yesterday, I spent the whole night searching about this 'PUA' and I ended with a book called the THE GAME by Neil Strauss. I read a lot. Has anyone else read this?


Just go out and start talking to girls. You don't need that book. I've read it.


----------



## Malek

Status Update: Nothing

I seem to make the most progress by playing hard to get ironically. It's quite frustrating how people only seem to desire what they can't have. I don't need a girl, I'd like one, but I'm quite content with my freedom when I look at the bigger picture.


----------



## autumnmoon

bwidger85 said:


> Just go out and start talking to girls. You don't need that book. I've read it.


You're right. I read the book. It was not all that great. It sounded very cheesy and unrealistic. I dunno,I have no experience. Well I am gonna try to read a bit more on my approach anxiety and try it out in a couple of weeks. I recently shaved my head cause I lost a bet, Im waiting for my hair to grow back as well I look very stupid with no hair -_-'


----------



## bsd3355

autumnmoon said:


> You're right. I read the book. It was not all that great. It sounded very cheesy and unrealistic. I dunno,I have no experience. Well I am gonna try to read a bit more on my approach anxiety and try it out in a couple of weeks. I recently shaved my head cause I lost a bet, Im waiting for my hair to grow back as well I look very stupid with no hair -_-'


Yes, it is a bit cheesy and unrealistic. Unfortunately, I was swept up into, and you don't want to go that route. Meeting girls isn't something technical. All you do is talk to them, ask them out go from there. The major obstacles for people starting off is dealing with their emotions.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Yes, it is a bit cheesy and unrealistic. Unfortunately, I was swept up into, and you don't want to go that route. Meeting girls isn't something technical. All you do is talk to them, ask them out go from there. The major obstacles for people starting off is dealing with their emotions.


I just didn't have the guts to try anything. It can help guys who don't suffer from anxiety issues IMO


----------



## Zeeshan

Well I called this girl who's number I got like 2 months ago n called her just now from online

She didn't pickup but I'm glad I stepped out of my comfort zone anyways BC it was kind of scary

Leaving her a text now see If she will bite


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Well I called this girl who's number I got like 2 months ago n called her just now from online
> 
> She didn't pickup but I'm glad I stepped out of my comfort zone anyways BC it was kind of scary
> 
> Leaving her a text now see If she will bite


She replied with sorry who is this.....not good lol


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I just didn't have the guts to try anything. It can help guys who don't suffer from anxiety issues IMO


True. But the problem is it tells guys to do a slew of unnecessary things, when really all you have to do is talk to girls and risk rejection. It's not as complicated as they make it seem to be. Starting off, if you think you have to do a zillion things just to move dating forward, then you are just spinning your wheels essentially.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> True. But the problem is it tells guys to do a slew of unnecessary things, when really all you have to do is talk to girls and risk rejection. It's not as complicated as they make it seem to be. Starting off, if you think you have to do a zillion things just to move dating forward, then you are just spinning your wheels essentially.


I agree

but it tends to help some guys who dont have social anxiety get out there. I am usually very good with words, thats not my problem.

It may not be effective in getting women, but i think its effective for non social anxiety guys in getting used to approaching


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> She replied with sorry who is this.....not good lol


Lol after I told her who it was she didn't reply

Figures Its fine. Either I'll get what I want or I want


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well as much as I hate clubs I let my friend talk me into going to one this weekend. I don't know why I agreed to this. Damn my loneliness. 

I'm thinking of backing out Friday.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Well as much as I hate clubs I let my friend talk me into going to one this weekend. I don't know why I agreed to this. Damn my loneliness.
> 
> I'm thinking of backing out Friday.


Clubs are _extremely_ hard for guy with SA. I wouldn't expect you to talk to hardly any girls, if any, so don't go with high exceptions being a shy person, because if you go with high expectations you will come back feeling highly defeated. I would say, you just going out to a club, for starters, is an accomplishment in itself. Personally, I don't like going to clubs to meet girls, unless I have no choice. What are your goals exactly?


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Clubs are _extremely_ hard for guy with SA. I wouldn't expect you to talk to hardly any girls, if any, so don't go with high exceptions being a shy person, because if you go with high expectations you will come back feeling highly defeated. I would say, you just going out to a club, for starters, is an accomplishment in itself. Personally, I don't like going to clubs to meet girls, unless I have no choice. What are your goals exactly?


I don't hang out with my friend too often. She wants to have a good time and I have been feeling "brave" lately so after 5 minutes of trying to persuade me to go...I caved in. I expect to have a few drinks and if I'm lucky dance with her. But I hate clubs. It's loud, people are drunk, is crowded. Why did I say "yes". I really doubt I'll go to be honest. Clubs aren't my strong point.


----------



## Obfuscate

Jesuszilla said:


> Well as much as I hate clubs I let my friend talk me into going to one this weekend. I don't know why I agreed to this. Damn my loneliness.
> 
> I'm thinking of backing out Friday.


lol I just did the exact same thing. Let's just tell our SA to go F itself. It's going to be ok, plus, we know we will feel worse if we don't go.


----------



## bsd3355

Thinking a lot about my past. I guess I was a stud when I was younger because girls would always hit on me. It's so strange thinking about it because even at such a young age girls were highly sexual and aggressive. I can't believe sometimes I sit here and think how women are "different". The mind plays tricks on me. Things are much different than they used to be, it is somewhat mind-boggling to think of how things change.

So much is held in our perspectives of things. We think the present has nothing for us when it comes to potential promising experiences, but we don't realize how much promise we had until we look back from the future. If only we could see ourselves today 20 years from now, we'd probably kick ourselves thinking to ourselves, "I can't believe I thought I had it bad back then! I had so many opportunities that I just didn't see!" I think there is truth to that. We always get wrapped up in the negative of the present, but we fail to realize the opportunities that are always within reach if we just keep going for them. It's there, we just don't think it's there until we reminisce years from now. Have hope, it's here! Keep looking for it!


----------



## Brandeezy

I don't get it, my co-worker gets blatantly hit on all the time and does nothing but I'll kill for that opportunity. Yesterday this attractive girl told him that he's very handsome and cute. All he said was "awww thanks" then continued to ring her up. I've been at this job for 3 years and have never been hit on. Life of an unattractive guy is great guys. I'm going to Cabo San Lucas next month so maybe my luck will change there but i doubt it


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> I don't get it, my co-worker gets blatantly hit on all the time and does nothing but I'll kill for that opportunity. Yesterday this attractive girl told him that he's very handsome and cute. All he said was "awww thanks" then continued to ring her up. I've been at this job for 3 years and have never been hit on. Life of an unattractive guy is great guys. I'm going to Cabo San Lucas next month so maybe my luck will change there but i doubt it


I know that feeling. My brother is always complimented on his looks. I'd kill for even a little attention.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I don't get it, my co-worker gets blatantly hit on all the time and does nothing but I'll kill for that opportunity. Yesterday this attractive girl told him that he's very handsome and cute. All he said was "awww thanks" then continued to ring her up. I've been at this job for 3 years and have never been hit on. Life of an unattractive guy is great guys. I'm going to Cabo San Lucas next month so maybe my luck will change there but i doubt it


Just be the most attractive you can be. That's the best you can do


----------



## bsd3355

Has anyone here actually approached a girl in real life recently?

If not, what the hell is stopping you?

This notion of rejection is silly when you stop and think about it. It's not a big deal.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Has anyone here actually approached a girl in real life recently?
> 
> If not, what the hell is stopping you?
> 
> This notion of rejection is silly when you stop and think about it. It's not a big deal.


Came close to starting a convo with a girl at Harvey's yesterday but she went off after the initial comment

Didn't help we were in line and her burger was ready :banghead:


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Has anyone here actually approached a girl in real life recently?
> 
> If not, what the hell is stopping you?
> 
> This notion of rejection is silly when you stop and think about it. It's not a big deal.


I agree that rejection isn't a big deal. I get over it pretty quickly instead of letting the fear consume me. It still effects my self esteem though. Plus I'm still not at a point where I'm not nervous at first when I approach. Luckily most girls are nice and my conversations go pretty well after the first few minutes.

Still no numbers. What's weird is that I complain about my rejections here on SAS but I get motivated when I'm out and about.

I don't have a crippling fear of rejection anymore, now I need to turn my progress in socializing into dates and girlfriends


----------



## bsd3355

*Meeting girls: the Simple Mindset*

Here is something I just wrote to give an idea of how approaching/rejection is normal, and how to change your mindset to view it as nothing special...

Change the way you view rejection and meet girls:
1.	It's normal
2.	It's commonplace for guys who regularly approach/talk to women
3.	It's normal to see men approach women
4.	No one cares you get rejected
5.	The only issue is you are telling yourself that "you aren't enough" but in reality it is a random depending on a variety of things, including the girl. Replace that thought of "see, girls just don't like me" and adopt the mindset, "Yes, I will get rejected a lot, but it's no big deal because everyone does. It's normal. It's not a big deal. It is the process that happens before I meet someone I like and vice versa. I am guaranteed getting a girl I like if I treat rejection like it's no big deal, a part of the process, take it lightly and am persistent."
6.	Change the number of girls you approach and scale up that number by multiplied times. Let's say you approach 4 girls a week. Scale that number up to 20.
7.	Find a place where you can approach lots of girls regularly and set goals to go there a set amount of days in the week to approach a large number of girls
8.	Always get her number!
9.	Approach in front of people to desensitize yourself to rejection
10.	When you go, don't be iffy about it. Ask out on date if that is what you want; ask for number if that is what you want. Do not beat around the bush and make your intent known because it is NORMAL&#8230;.Not weird!
11.	Do not complicate things! There is no magic line or script to follow. Just goup to the girl talk to about ANYTHING..you can be indirect or direct, it does not matter, as long as you always close the deal. It is not what you say that matters! It's that you are moving it in a direction you want! If the girl is open to dating you then she will and you can get away with saying the stupidest ****! Don't put pressure on yourself for conversation or what to say because it does not matter. What matters is that you are moving the interaction toward a number or a date, and if the girls wants to, great; if not, great and find another who will.
12.	Do not over-analyze it! It's no big deal! What you say is no big deal! Getting rejected is no big deal! No one cares! Be consistent and you will get results

_We are all biological creatures. This is what we are designed to do. Do not fear or feel ashamed about it! If people think that it is weird or strange then THEY are weird or strange. How retarded is it to care about rejection!?_

The best position to put yourself in is to take care of yourself physically and mentally so you can feel good about yourself, have confidence, and adopt the latter thoughts on meeting girls.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I agree that rejection isn't a big deal. I get over it pretty quickly instead of letting the fear consume me. It still effects my self esteem though. Plus I'm still not at a point where I'm not nervous at first when I approach. Luckily most girls are nice and my conversations go pretty well after the first few minutes.
> 
> Still no numbers. What's weird is that I complain about my rejections here on SAS but I get motivated when I'm out and about.
> 
> I don't have a crippling fear of rejection anymore, now I need to turn my progress in socializing into dates and girlfriends


Wow, that was a fast improvement on your part. Rejection has taken me years to get over! ****ing congrats on that! That's impressive

When you approach a girl you should always ask for her number at the very least. You need a platform to move the date forward in the future. Every time you talk to a girl you like and you want to date her you should always ask for her number, always. Do that next time you talk to ANY girl you like and you want to move it forward. Post about it here.

"That's cool. Blah blah blah. Do you text? What's your number?"
"What's your number?"

That simple.

Stay away from online dating for a while and practice in real life


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Wow, that was a fast improvement on your part. Rejection has taken me years to get over! ****ing congrats on that! That's impressive
> 
> When you approach a girl you should always ask for her number at the very least. You need a platform to move the date forward in the future. Every time you talk to a girl you like and you want to date her you should always ask for her number, always. Do that next time you talk to ANY girl you like and you want to move it forward. Post about it here.
> 
> "That's cool. Blah blah blah. Do you text? What's your number?"
> "What's your number?"
> 
> That simple.
> 
> Stay away from online dating for a while and practice in real life


Haha. I didn't realize 9-10 months worth of work was fast. (Mind you I've been doing this *before* I even found out about SA)

Yes. I do ask for numbers but not as frequently as I should. The last girl at work about a week ago (maybe longer) turned me down and this is how I asked for:

Me after a short conversation: "That sounds fun. How about I get your number so we can do *activity we were talking about* I'm always open to having some fun with you"

Her: "Oh um...well, Jesuszilla...:afr"

Me: "Oh:| hey...er...never mind. Just thought it would be fun...but. It's okay...see you around"

What's weird is that even though she turned me down she still talks to me like nothing happened at work. Even touches me which I thought was clear sign of flirting. That's not normal because I rarely speak to a girl that turned me down a few months ago.

Online dating isn't my thing. I'm actually more anxious about online dating knowing what I know than approaching in real life. And as someone with SA, that's backwards


----------



## bsd3355

Didn't know you do it regularly. Most guys here are afraid to do that. Sounds like you have the right idea then.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Didn't know you do it regularly. Most guys here are afraid to do that. Sounds like you have the right idea then.


Well that's understandable. Prior to this year I went a good 4-5 years too scared to ask a girl out due to a terrible experience. And even before I didn't ask too many girls out in high school.

I eventually got so lonely I made it my duty to put myself out there back in January. So far I have seen a lot of improvement.

My question though is should I stop approaching for a while? I'm extremely frustrated with rejection but I feel if I stop even if it's for a month that I'd be regressing on my progress.


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> Has anyone here actually approached a girl in real life recently?
> 
> If not, what the hell is stopping you?
> 
> This notion of rejection is silly when you stop and think about it. It's not a big deal.


No, but this is because i think approaching strangers and asking for their number is weird. I can see if i was in a class or if she on my favorite team's jersey on but if she was just minding her own business then it wouldn't be right.


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> No, but this is because i think approaching strangers and asking for their number is weird. I can see if i was in a class or if she on my favorite team's jersey on but if she was just minding her own business then it wouldn't be right.


use common sense obviously. better not to talk to a girl who isnt doing her taxes or running a marathon, yes . you just want to make sure you arent narrowing things by adding barriers that are unnecessary. if yhis text is small blame it on my phone

i can almost guarantee that you are not taking good opotunities because you think it's wrong when it really isnt a big deal

im also not saying you wont get rejected by taking more chances either. but do what you want. most people are gonna do what they want anyway.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Well that's understandable. Prior to this year I went a good 4-5 years too scared to ask a girl out due to a terrible experience. And even before I didn't ask too many girls out in high school.
> 
> I eventually got so lonely I made it my duty to put myself out there back in January. So far I have seen a lot of improvement.
> 
> My question though is should I stop approaching for a while? I'm extremely frustrated with rejection but I feel if I stop even if it's for a month that I'd be regressing on my progress.


not likely to regress your understanding of what to do if you've internalized it. momentum may not be in your favor though if you do, but momentum is easily ovetcome and fast as well.

im curious your process of meeting girls amd how much you talked to and got rejected from a number or date this month?


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> not likely to regress your understanding of what to do if you've internalized it. momentum may not be in your favor though if you do, but momentum is easily ovetcome and fast as well.
> 
> im curious your process of meeting girls amd how much you talked to and got rejected from a number or date this month?


Just 1 this month. I'm not as far along as you may think if you think I'm asking girls out every week or something. Its more like if I see a cute girl while I'm out, or at work I strike up a conversation. Sometimes I get the balls to ask sometimes I don't. On average maybe 5-6 girls a month asking for a number. And for starting conversations pretty much whenever I feel comfortable.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Just 1 this month. I'm not as far along as you may think if you think I'm asking girls out every week or something. Its more like if I see a cute girl while I'm out, or at work I strike up a conversation. Sometimes I get the balls to ask sometimes I don't. On average maybe 5-6 girls a month asking for a number. And for starting conversations pretty much whenever I feel comfortable.


oh ok. that's cool. personally, if my main focus is meeting girls i can talk to that much in a couple hours. it all depends on the context too. i talk to girls walking around campus and i am fast to get numbers and conversation so my goal is to usually get at least 2 or more numbers before i go home, which typically dont lead to anything, so i know i have to get lots of numbers that week typically.

if my main goal is to date then id increase that number of approaches close to 20 or more a month, but that's me. i wouldnt expect much results talking to 5 girls a month personally. and when i say "talk" to 20 girls a month, i mean i ask 20 gorls on dates or ask for their numbet. talking doesnt lead anywhere without a number or something.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> oh ok. that's cool. personally, if my main focus is meeting girls i can talk to that much in a couple hours. it all depends on the context too. i talk to girls walking around campus and i am fast to get numbers and conversation so my goal is to usually get at least 2 or more numbers before i go home, which typically dont lead to anything, so i know i have to get lots of numbers that week typically.
> 
> if my main goal is to date then id increase that number of approaches close to 20 or more a month, but that's me. i wouldnt expect much results talking to 5 girls a month personally. and when i say "talk" to 20 girls a month, i mean i ask 20 gorls on dates or ask for their numbet. talking doesnt lead anywhere without a number or something.


I'll get there. I can see myself getting there real soon.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I'll get there. I can see myself getting there real soon.


that's cool. im not trying to get you to do something that you dont want to do. just giving my perspective. i like your confidence regarding it


----------



## Brandeezy

bwidger85 said:


> use common sense obviously. better not to talk to a girl who isnt doing her taxes or running a marathon, yes . you just want to make sure you arent narrowing things by adding barriers that are unnecessary. if yhis text is small blame it on my phone
> 
> i can almost guarantee that you are not taking good opotunities because you think it's wrong when it really isnt a big deal
> 
> im also not saying you wont get rejected by taking more chances either. but do what you want. most people are gonna do what they want anyway.


Never had any opportunities to begin with but I've never asked out a girl in my life though so i probably don't know what I'm talking about


----------



## pete24

I think this week has been the worst yet. 

The only contact or anything was from 1 of my ex's (The most recent 1 who told me "I'm glad you dumped me because id rather be with someone who has ambition" and something else like she would never of got with me if she knew what I was like). 

I think it was out of pity though. She saw my youtube recovery vids and the 1 that I was in tears in. 

Pissed me off a bit because when we ended and still chatted I told her about my Social anxiety, and she was telling me how it's no excuse, I should just pull myself together.

But after seeing the vids she asked me in 1 of the messages today "What is social anxiety?".

Pile of crap with people really. You tell them about it, they don't take any notice and think your attention seeking. Then when they see how bad a problem it is for you, they admit they have no idea what SA is


----------



## Sourdog

My whole problem with approaching is not knowing what to say. That is what stops me from alot of social interactions. I need to get over this ****!


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I think this week has been the worst yet.
> 
> The only contact or anything was from 1 of my ex's (The most recent 1 who told me "I'm glad you dumped me because id rather be with someone who has ambition" and something else like she would never of got with me if she knew what I was like).
> 
> I think it was out of pity though. She saw my youtube recovery vids and the 1 that I was in tears in.
> 
> Pissed me off a bit because when we ended and still chatted I told her about my Social anxiety, and she was telling me how it's no excuse, I should just pull myself together.
> 
> But after seeing the vids she asked me in 1 of the messages today "What is social anxiety?".
> 
> Pile of crap with people really. You tell them about it, they don't take any notice and think your attention seeking. Then when they see how bad a problem it is for you, they admit they have no idea what SA is


Yeppers

One will never understands another's plight in life


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> My whole problem with approaching is not knowing what to say. That is what stops me from alot of social interactions. I need to get over this ****!


Almost always, if you follow normal social etiquette and are mindful of the person in front of you then doesn't matter what you say.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> I think this week has been the worst yet.
> 
> The only contact or anything was from 1 of my ex's (The most recent 1 who told me "I'm glad you dumped me because id rather be with someone who has ambition" and something else like she would never of got with me if she knew what I was like).
> 
> I think it was out of pity though. She saw my youtube recovery vids and the 1 that I was in tears in.
> 
> Pissed me off a bit because when we ended and still chatted I told her about my Social anxiety, and she was telling me how it's no excuse, I should just pull myself together.
> 
> But after seeing the vids she asked me in 1 of the messages today "What is social anxiety?".
> 
> Pile of crap with people really. You tell them about it, they don't take any notice and think your attention seeking. Then when they see how bad a problem it is for you, they admit they have no idea what SA is


Either she is a ***** or she was highly frustrated with you to give you that response, or a combination of both.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Either she is a ***** or she was highly frustrated with you to give you that response, or a combination of both.


Could be. She said shes got a new job in another town anyway, so wont see her again...

Just read a pof message this girl sent me a week ago.... I messaged her first asking questions. She didnt reply to them but just said "I'm in town tonight, you coming?"

No idea if that was an invite, or pissing about. She lives in another town quite close to me, so don't even know what she meant


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Could be. She said shes got a new job in another town anyway, so wont see her again...
> 
> Just read a pof message this girl sent me a week ago.... I messaged her first asking questions. She didnt reply to them but just said "I'm in town tonight, you coming?"
> 
> No idea if that was an invite, or pissing about. She lives in another town quite close to me, so don't even know what she meant


Lol sounds like she was messaging someone else


----------



## pete24

Yeah. I thought it was a bit odd having that reply. Ahh well... sod her.

I think the worst part of things now is being single for so long compared to what I was used to. Like take last year.

At start of the year I was with someone. We ended, not long later I had some casual thing with a girl. When that ended I met someone else a week later. We had a relationship that ended in Jan this year. By Feb I was dating someone else. The relationship ended mid July.... 2 weeks later started dating another girl, things ended mid August, had a date a few weeks after (The 1 that wasnt good). Now nothing for a month.

I know it probably seems silly but never had a drought without any chances for this long in about 7 years :O


----------



## Zeeshan

Saw this practically perfect girl for me online

Then quickly realized that the chances of her actually replying to my message was zero

given the probability that she was getting 20+ new messages a day, 

the only expected down result would be me being ignored. 

Where in real life i am 100% sure i would be attractive to her.

So decided against it, plus i couldn't bear the burden of always waiting for that message, always having her being messaged by 20 other guys, so i left it. 

I realized that any girl i have actually dated from online, has messaged me first, so what is the point of messaging. :no

then decided i was going to spend the weekend playing online poker at the local campus waiting for opportunities to approach....which is what i am going to do. I am going to chill out there for the weekend and try to meet a girl. If i can just get over my fear of approaching, i make a decent living to make everything happen. I know I am probably a 5 or a 6 but i think some girls do find me attractive, plus ive been working out hard, and am starting to get a real nice body. I even decided that i might look into laser eye and improve my facial features as well, get a better wardrobe etc.

but i dont want to do any of that until i lose my fear of approaching 

Sigh, its a sign of times really


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Yeah. I thought it was a bit odd having that reply. Ahh well... sod her.
> 
> I think the worst part of things now is being single for so long compared to what I was used to. Like take last year.
> 
> At start of the year I was with someone. We ended, not long later I had some casual thing with a girl. When that ended I met someone else a week later. We had a relationship that ended in Jan this year. By Feb I was dating someone else. The relationship ended mid July.... 2 weeks later started dating another girl, things ended mid August, had a date a few weeks after (The 1 that wasnt good). Now nothing for a month.
> 
> I know it probably seems silly but never had a drought without any chances for this long in about 7 years :O


unlike you i havent had that kind of success with women, as you have,

but this summer i dated two different girls for a month each, and this was after 8 months with out any sort of a short term relationship, so I know how you feel. September has been very lonely for me. For all of July and August, i had a GF (thin ice i know) but still. I was texting, kissing (I miss kissing the most even more then a BJ)

I was just thinking its been 3 weeks since i have kissed a girl.

I am going to make it happen soon, i know it, I am letting the frustration build up


----------



## Lushiro

Psh. All girls will end up hating me anyway, that is if they dont hate me already. So...


----------



## Barette

^Sounds sound.


----------



## Jesuszilla

My friend and I can't decide if we want to go out tonight or stay at my place and try a friends with benefits thing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Didn't go to a club, went to a pretty laid back bar last night. Instead of sitting on my butt like I normally would I talked to a girl who said I was really cute and ended up getting her number. I'm am a happy man right now


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Didn't go to a club, went to a pretty laid back bar last night. Instead of sitting on my butt like I normally would I talked to a girl who said I was really cute and ended up getting her number. I'm am a happy man right now


 hell yeah,man! good going!


----------



## huh

I'm seeing a girl I'm really interested in tomorrow. I also have plans for next weekend. So far I've been doing ok with at least getting numbers and arranging some meetups, even though half of them seem to fall through lol


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> I'm seeing a girl I'm really interested in tomorrow. I also have plans for next weekend. So far I've been doing ok with at least getting numbers and arranging some meetups, even though half of them seem to fall through lol


Bro your a champ

Keep at it


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Didn't go to a club, went to a pretty laid back bar last night. Instead of sitting on my butt like I normally would I talked to a girl who said I was really cute and ended up getting her number. I'm am a happy man right now


Allright bud

Good things happen


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> I'm seeing a girl I'm really interested in tomorrow. I also have plans for next weekend. So far I've been doing ok with at least getting numbers and arranging some meetups, even though half of them seem to fall through lol


good for you! that's what happens unfortunately, but it's pretty normal strangely enough


----------



## huh

It went pretty horribly. So depressed afterwards. Oh well, such is life.


----------



## Sourdog

huh said:


> It went pretty horribly. So depressed afterwards. Oh well, such is life.


What happened?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Gave the girl I met at the bar a call. Set up to meet later this week, hopefully it goes well. Given that I read a lot of girls flake (according to this thread) I'm not going to over think it...I hope. I need to find a way to lower my expectations.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Gave the girl I met at the bar a call. Set up to meet later this week, hopefully it goes well. Given that I read a lot of girls flake (according to this thread) I'm not going to over think it...I hope. I need to find a way to lower my expectations.


I think by calling instead of texting, you have already taken a very positive step


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> I think by calling instead of texting, you have already taken a very positive step


Really? I thought it was just SA guys who texted first


----------



## CoffeeGuy

Well I've ran into an old crush from High school on Facebook and added her as a friend. It's been about 6 years since high school, but she does live near me and seems to be single, so I'm very tempted to try and start a FB conversation with her to see if she would want to go out to lunch this week.

I don't really like the idea of doing it through FB, but I don't really have any other connection to her and don't know how else to meet her. 

Just the idea of messaging my old crush has really activated my anxiety though, and It makes me feel sick to my stomach if I think too heavily about it. I'm just trying to figure out how to go about it without coming off as weird or creepy...


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Really? I thought it was just SA guys who texted first


Nope


----------



## Sourdog

Talked to a girl randomly in one of my classes that I haven't met before. It probably won't go anywhere, but I gained a little bit of confidence from just striking up a conversation.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> Talked to a girl randomly in one of my classes that I haven't met before. It probably won't go anywhere, but I gained a little bit of confidence from just striking up a conversation.


Awesome man! That's what it's all about  Next step, whenever you feel like it, is to ask for some numbers


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from the campus. Got 1 number. The girl complimented my approach saying she was disappointed about all the "panzies and fratboys" on campus. Didn't expect that.

My goal for the day was to get two numbers as I haven't been out in a while.

I am disappointed with myself though. The reason is because I still allow others to affect what I do, and that pisses me off. It pisses me off because I know it is pointless to care about that. But to my credit, I know every time I haven't gone out in a while I need to "get a feel for it again". I tend to do that so next time I am not such a coward about things.

So next time I go out I set my goal is to:

1. See a girl I like, approach her no matter who is around and ask for number

The emphasis is to approach regardless of who is around, because, as always, this has always been my greatest sticking point, other people and what they think. It is absolutely retarded to care. It is tricky sometimes because I forget about that and when I go out it creeps up and I feel unprepared for it. So it's always best to go out with that in mind to overcome it.


It pisses me off because I am still letting something so trivial control my actions. No one really gives a damn about what I do, and there is NO SHAME in asking for numbers to date girls, regardless if I'm 27 and they are 19+. There is no shame in that. And not only is there no shame in that, but it is NORMAL to do that, and I still get caught up in it. Grr.

For the record, I don't mind approach girls closer to my age but I live in a college town and I am not joking that all the locals here aren't my type. The average girl looks like Rosanne where I live, and I'm not even trying to be cynical, just honest. Maybe if they took care of themselves a little bit then I'd want to talk to them, but the only girls around here I am attracted to are college girls because they aren't fat, basically. Sorry. My sympathy for overweight people is low because that is something they can control. Blaming your weight on things you can't control is just an excuse, period. If you can hold down a job, pay rent, go to school, have relationships, friends, etc., then you can ****ing lose weight for christ sake. If you don't want to lose weight, then that's cool too, but don't expect people to change their minds on who they date because you've decided to stay fat. "oh, I just can't lose weight! how would you know!?" EXCUSE

So yeah, gonna write down for next time out to approach in front of anyone anywhere with no shame. It should work if I go in with that mentality. I also want to get at least 2 numbers.


----------



## pete24

Wow.... A chance of some luck.

This girl sent me a message on POF. By far is the hottest girl to ever message me first. Her message was along the lines of me being the first person she messaged on the site so doesnt know what to say... but it would be great to chat.

Weather theres any truth in that, im not sure... but it's a bit of a buzz to have a message off a girl who by dating site standards would usually be well out of my league


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have a busy weekend and I'm both excited and nervous. On Friday I meet up with this girl I met at the bar last weekend. While talking to her earlier, she seemed much more shy than I remembered. Hopefully she doesn't flake on me. I need the exposure even if it doesn't work out. 

Saturday I meet up with this girl who gave me her number at work. She's excited to see me, but her being so aggressive does have me wonder if we do anything sexual how nervous would I be. I shouldn't jump the gun with her though. This is a first for me. I don't know how I will fare anxiety wise, but I do feel confident things will go well.


----------



## Barette

^What's going on with your FWB?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Barette said:


> ^What's going on with your FWB?


Since I'm dating its on hold for now. It was originally done because we're both lonely and horny. We made it clear though that if anything comes up we call it off or at least put it on hold.


----------



## pete24

More of an update from that pof girl.

Been chatting all night. Seen some more pictures of her and :O :O by far is the hottest girl I have ever spoken to. Before she messaged me I looked at her profile and thought "not a chance" so didnt message her.

Iv no idea why shes interested in me. Even her personality is out of my league... Shes socially outgoing, has a uni degree, an extremely well paid job, plenty of friends and a load of hobbies.

The chatting was fluent, went well and I had a long reply every minute so its clear shes only chatting to me. She seems quite hard to get, I made a few subtle compliments which were ignored. Although when I suggested meeting up if chatting continues to go as well as it has been, she kind of jumped at that chance and asked when I wanted to meet :O.

So all good so far. Im not thinking too much into it though because more than likely my SA will **** it up.... but deffo a boost for some top of the range, near model quality girl to message me :O


----------



## Barette

Jesuszilla said:


> Since I'm dating its on hold for now. It was originally done because we're both lonely and horny. We made it clear though that if anything comes up we call it off or at least put it on hold.


Ah. I don't see why you can't do both things at once but, okay.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Barette said:


> Ah. I don't see why you can't do both things at once but, okay.


Don't know. Just don't really know what I'm doing really. This is all new to me


----------



## Barette

Oh, for sure, it's never good to rush something you're unfamiliar with. You seem to be making good strides.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> More of an update from that pof girl.
> 
> Been chatting all night. Seen some more pictures of her and :O :O by far is the hottest girl I have ever spoken to. Before she messaged me I looked at her profile and thought "not a chance" so didnt message her.
> 
> Iv no idea why shes interested in me. Even her personality is out of my league... Shes socially outgoing, has a uni degree, an extremely well paid job, plenty of friends and a load of hobbies.
> 
> The chatting was fluent, went well and I had a long reply every minute so its clear shes only chatting to me. She seems quite hard to get, I made a few subtle compliments which were ignored. Although when I suggested meeting up if chatting continues to go as well as it has been, she kind of jumped at that chance and asked when I wanted to meet :O.
> 
> So all good so far. Im not thinking too much into it though because more than likely my SA will **** it up.... but deffo a boost for some top of the range, near model quality girl to message me :O


Interesting how things tend to pop out of nowhere when you put yourself in the spotlight long enough. I can see your skepticism with this girl though, but you never know. GL


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> Interesting how things tend to pop out of nowhere when you put yourself in the spotlight long enough. I can see your skepticism with this girl though, but you never know. GL


Cheers mate, yeah it could be all good. Will just have to see. I may hold back a bit and let her do some of the moves (Like messaging me first today).

At very worst it's a boost that she messaged me first


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

pete24 said:


> More of an update from that pof girl.
> 
> Been chatting all night. Seen some more pictures of her and :O :O by far is the hottest girl I have ever spoken to. Before she messaged me I looked at her profile and thought "not a chance" so didnt message her.
> 
> Iv no idea why shes interested in me. Even her personality is out of my league... Shes socially outgoing, has a uni degree, an extremely well paid job, plenty of friends and a load of hobbies.
> 
> The chatting was fluent, went well and I had a long reply every minute so its clear shes only chatting to me. She seems quite hard to get, I made a few subtle compliments which were ignored. Although when I suggested meeting up if chatting continues to go as well as it has been, she kind of jumped at that chance and asked when I wanted to meet :O.
> 
> So all good so far. Im not thinking too much into it though because more than likely my SA will **** it up.... but deffo a boost for some top of the range, near model quality girl to message me :O


That is interesting. I left POF because I was getting nothing. I would wade through profiles, and then take the time to write out "something more than hey, or hi." And I would get nothing. My big gripe about that site is that many women will disqualify you if you don't have a knockout first message. But why waste time crafting a knockout first message if you don't know if the woman will even respond? I don't like the meet me feature either. I think that if you have a detailed profile that should be the equivalent of a first message. A simple "hi, check me out, if you like my profile message me back" or something like that should suffice in most cases.

I went over to Zoosk and paid for a one month subscription. I am finding out there are a lot of supermodels living in small towns around my area.


----------



## Sourdog

Getting hung up and infatuated with one girl again, this never turns out well.


----------



## pete24

Lincolnradiocat said:


> That is interesting. I left POF because I was getting nothing. I would wade through profiles, and then take the time to write out "something more than hey, or hi." And I would get nothing. My big gripe about that site is that many women will disqualify you if you don't have a knockout first message. But why waste time crafting a knockout first message if you don't know if the woman will even respond? I don't like the meet me feature either. I think that if you have a detailed profile that should be the equivalent of a first message. A simple "hi, check me out, if you like my profile message me back" or something like that should suffice in most cases.
> 
> I went over to Zoosk and paid for a one month subscription. I am finding out there are a lot of supermodels living in small towns around my area.


It's usually a bit of hit and miss on POF. I mostly get ignored but as long as your active on it, theres always the chance of some luck. It's always usually a double standard thing where guys are expected to do a full and details opening message, but women are allowed to get away with "hi" if they message a guy.

I think the "meet me" feature is probably the biggest wast of time ever. People often will just click yes to everyone they see on it, just to try and get a bit of attention. Quite a few have clicked yes to my profile, but when I message them they don't reply.

Havent used Zoosk in ages. Sad thing is it's probably the busiest dating site with the most people on it.... but barely anyone can message anyone else due to not being premium members.

As for my POF girl... Given up. Last night ended on a good note. Decided I wasnt going to be first to message her today as I wanted to see how keen she was (Clearly if she was really interested she would of messaged me)... But I didnt get a message off her today, even though shes been on POF a fair bit today


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> It's usually a bit of hit and miss on POF. I mostly get ignored but as long as your active on it, theres always the chance of some luck. It's always usually a double standard thing where guys are expected to do a full and details opening message, but women are allowed to get away with "hi" if they message a guy.
> 
> I think the "meet me" feature is probably the biggest wast of time ever. People often will just click yes to everyone they see on it, just to try and get a bit of attention. Quite a few have clicked yes to my profile, but when I message them they don't reply.
> 
> Havent used Zoosk in ages. Sad thing is it's probably the busiest dating site with the most people on it.... but barely anyone can message anyone else due to not being premium members.
> 
> As for my POF girl... Given up. Last night ended on a good note. Decided I wasnt going to be first to message her today as I wanted to see how keen she was (Clearly if she was really interested she would of messaged me)... But I didnt get a message off her today, even though shes been on POF a fair bit today


Maybe she is thinking the same thing


----------



## pete24

Perhaps, but I was at least giving subtle complements when we spoke (things like she feels pretty easy to talk to) to show I was interested. She gave me barely anything, if she had then I would of messaged her first today.

Online dating is too much of a wild west, things can turn from chatting to someone to having them ignore you in a split second, so if it's me making all the effort it will only be a matter of time before contact stops anyway


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Perhaps, but I was at least giving subtle complements when we spoke (things like she feels pretty easy to talk to) to show I was interested. She gave me barely anything, if she had then I would of messaged her first today.
> 
> Online dating is too much of a wild west, things can turn from chatting to someone to having them ignore you in a split second, so if it's me making all the effort it will only be a matter of time before contact stops anyway


Who was the last person to message


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

pete24 said:


> Havent used Zoosk in ages. Sad thing is it's probably the busiest dating site with the most people on it.... but barely anyone can message anyone else due to not being premium members.
> 
> As for my POF girl... Given up. Last night ended on a good note. Decided I wasnt going to be first to message her today as I wanted to see how keen she was (Clearly if she was really interested she would of messaged me)... But I didnt get a message off her today, even though shes been on POF a fair bit today


It used to be on yahoo that if one party pays then the other non paying party can message as well. I was concerned about that when I paid up with Zoosk. Yes there is a whole lot more activity on Zoosk than POF. POF is kind of dead...at least in my area.

As far as the POF girl goes...I always assume whoever I'm talking to is talking to a bunch of other guys as well. If she is somewhat immediate in responding to you, I wouldn't give up just yet. Does she sound interested in you when she messages? In other words, does she ask you questions about yourself or just answer yours with no counter?


----------



## To22

Nothing anymore I guess.


----------



## ElectricEnigma

Nothing really. Different story if I actually liked someone. I haven't been so heavily into anyone for several years and when I was she became my girlfriend for years. But now I am single and I am not actively looking. If it happens it happens. I would love a soul mate though. I haven't felt so connected to someone in ages.


----------



## Zeeshan

The problem with pof is not just getting beautiful girls to reply its also that they stop replying BC they have new guys messaging them all the time


----------



## ElectricEnigma

Zeeshan said:


> The problem with pof is not just getting beautiful girls to reply its also that they stop replying BC they have new guys messaging them all the time


What do you define as beautiful? And what sort of girl do you go for?


----------



## ElectricEnigma

Personally I go for those with big hearts, a similar worldview, some similar interests, functioning brains and some physical attractiveness. I don't think I am asking for too much.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Went out with the girl I met at the bar. We had a good time.

She rejected my advances when I tried to kiss her. But texted me saying she had a good time.

Did I do wrong by trying to kiss her on the first date? Or am I good since she texted me afterwards anyway? What do I do next? Call her tomorrow or something?

Anyway. Tomorrow I go out with this girl that hit on me. So I'm excited to see where that goes


----------



## Zeeshan

ElectricEnigma said:


> What do you define as beautiful? And what sort of girl do you go for?


Anyone I find attractive


----------



## secondheadstatus

P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } Pretty much nothing. And I still reject them...makes you think huh?


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Went out with the girl I met at the bar. We had a good time.
> 
> She rejected my advances when I tried to kiss her. But texted me saying she had a good time.
> 
> Did I do wrong by trying to kiss her on the first date? Or am I good since she texted me afterwards anyway? What do I do next? Call her tomorrow or something?
> 
> Anyway. Tomorrow I go out with this girl that hit on me. So I'm excited to see where that goes


Did she text you saying she had a good time on her own accord?

If you made a move on this girl and she rejected that move but is still open and receptive to you after a date then that usually means she is open to dating you in the future (romantically, obviously). Usually, if you make a move on a girl who doesn't want to date you and she rejects your advances, she will appear more and more distant and closed off to you; usually, they get super closed off shortly after noticing your intentions. However, some girls are just polite and will appear open to dating you even though that is not their intention. When you are unsure you should listen to her actions and not her words, and in time it will be shown (usually she'll either ignore you and disappear completely lol).

The reason she rejected it if she is interested in dating? It likely was unexpected and she was not ready for it. If she likes you and continues seeing you, then at least now she will be even more receptive toward your advances next time, as she will expect that to a degree.

Wow, you've got off the ground running lately. I'm happy to see it!


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Did she text you saying she had a good time on her own accord?
> 
> If you made a move on this girl and she rejected that move but is still open and receptive to you after a date then that usually means she is open to dating you in the future (romantically, obviously). Usually, if you make a move on a girl who doesn't want to date you and she rejects your advances, she will appear more and more distant and closed off to you; usually, they get super closed off shortly after noticing your intentions. However, some girls are just polite and will appear open to dating you even though that is not their intention. When you are unsure you should listen to her actions and not her words, and in time it will be shown (usually she'll either ignore you and disappear completely lol).
> 
> The reason she rejected it if she is interested in dating? It likely was unexpected and she was not ready for it. If she likes you and continues seeing you, then at least now she will be even more receptive toward your advances next time, as she will expect that to a degree.
> 
> Wow, you've got off the ground running lately. I'm happy to see it!


Yes, she texted me without me saying anything after I left.

But this is a different girl than the girl I had sex with last night, so I may not even continue anything. This might be an obvious question to you, but do you think its nasty to sleep with one girl while trying to date another? That seems like some player stuff. I want a girlfriend I get along with not un-needed drama


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes, she texted me without me saying anything after I left.
> 
> But this is a different girl than the girl I had sex with last night, so I may not even continue anything. This might be an obvious question to you, but do you think its nasty to sleep with one girl while trying to date another? That seems like some player stuff. I want a girlfriend I get along with not un-needed drama


It's not drama if you are honest about it. And I don't think it is wrong either because no commitments have been made. All the stigma attached to sex is a social by-product. Really, the only thing you should worry about with casual sex is responsibility and safe sex. Also, sex tends to produce "the cuddle hormone" oxytocin, which acts to intensify emotional bonds between copulating couples, which means sex = intense emotions, and that can get hairy if casual sex is all you want. If you want a relationship then I also see nothing wrong with seeing other people UNTIL you are certain you have found the one you want to be with solely. In fact, I think dating multiple people is the best way of increasing your odds of finding that special someone and not settling. It's your choice whether or not to have sex, and having sex is personal choice obviously. Chances are, if you like someone casually at first, and continue to be romantic with them, then inevitably feelings will grow, so that is fair warning.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes, she texted me without me saying anything after I left.


This is a very good sign, especially since she texted you after you have shown her your intentions. It is a very safe bet to say she definitely wants to date you. Nearly 100% of girls would never text you back saying they enjoyed themselves on their own accord if they weren't interested, because they wouldn't want to support that notion of dating. Girls who do, do want to support that notion typically.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> It's not drama if you are honest about it. And I don't think it is wrong either because no commitments have been made. All the stigma attached to sex is a social by-product. Really, the only thing you should worry about with casual sex is responsibility and safe sex. Also, sex tends to produce "the cuddle hormone" oxytocin, which acts to intensify emotional bonds between copulating couples, which means sex = intense emotions, and that can get hairy if casual sex is all you want. If you want a relationship then I also see nothing wrong with seeing other people UNTIL you are certain you have found the one you want to be with solely. In fact, I think dating multiple people is the best way of increasing your odds of finding that special someone and not settling. It's your choice whether or not to have sex, and having sex is personal choice obviously. Chances are, if you like someone casually at first, and continue to be romantic with them, then inevitably feelings will grow, so that is fair warning.


Thanks. That really put things into perspective for me.



bwidger85 said:


> This is a very good sign, especially since she texted you after you have shown her your intentions. It is a very safe bet to say she definitely wants to date you. Nearly 100% of girls would never text you back saying they enjoyed themselves on their own accord if they weren't interested, because they wouldn't want to support that notion of dating. Girls who do, do want to support that notion typically.


Man it's crazy how quick my dating life turned around. I figured we're on good terms just have to make sure.

I must say to anybody out there still terrified of meeting girls in public, take the risks. It's well worth it. I'll give you confidence you never thought possible. It might take a long time, but if you stick to it, it's worth it.


----------



## pete24

Had a blast through pof's "meet me" feature... even though I said id never do it as people click "meet me" regardless of weather they are interested.

Had a few profile views, some messages, if im honest though I CBA. Previously I would compromise and perhaps give the benefit of the doubt if they are not what i'm after looks/personality wise.... But now, for me to take any interest, the girl has to be exactly what i'm after in both looks and personality. 

I think that stems from my growing confidence (mostly due to my youtube recovery video's). Before I went to the shop today I had a shower, styled my hair and looked in mirror and for the first time in quite a few years I thought "Actually i'm not bad looking, a girl would be lucky to have me" (Not in a cocky way).


Edit:

I think since mentioning on my profile about SA, some people who have SA are getting in touch. Tonight alone 4 women have messaged me 1st, they have had really long, good intro messages, and have spoke a fair bit about shyness....


And most interesting chatup message to me yet... off another hottie :O :O (Shes 1 of those near model type quality geeks :O... With SA too I think).


On a note for people on POF... Definitely use the "meet me" function. Found out today it really does help.

Often the case is, say you view a girls profile and think you don't have a chance so don't message them, they will view yours back and maybe think "he didnt message me so he isnt interested". Then on "meet me" you click yes to her.... She could well message you.


----------



## Zeeshan

Thanks i'll try that

I have stayed away from posting due to a lack of real result. I am texting someone i met online this weekend, but i dont consider those real progress anymore. Even if we go out a few times, she has already started to sound like she has low values. I may only do it for sex, since i havent had any for a month now, and dont feel good

Ive been going to a university campus near my house, and using the library. AND OMG there are so so many girls, its mind bending, almost hurts a bit. Today i tried to approach this one, but walked up twice, chickened out twice.

Not going to give up though, i am just going to continue going back there. Hoping to break through my wall one day soon


----------



## pete24

At least thats something... Been about the same amount of time for me. 

Keep trying with it and i'm sure you will get somewhere.


Just checked POF and today from doing that meet me thing I have 7 inbox messages, In a really tired and ill mood today though so not even going to look at them until tomorrow when I can give a proper reply.


Just thought as well. As i'm getting hotties messaging me first on POF, thats confirmation that my assumption that i'm at least average is correct.

The thing I find with those women though is because they get an insane amount of messages, they expect every message off me to make them laugh and stand out without giving me much to work with... Then the moment a message from me seem's boring, they move on to the next and never reply to me again


----------



## bsd3355

The number I got a week ago(?), she asked why I got her number and I told her because I thought she was cute. I'm looking for a girlfriend right now because I don't have time to go out all the time. She definitely knows when we hang out it's a date thing, and I can tell she wants to date by the way she is texting me on her own accord wishing me luck on my exams, etc., after the fact she knows I want to date her. Pretty sure I might of found a long term dating prospect, which is cool since that is what I'm looking for right now. You tend to notice patterns when someone is interested. Never know what can happen though.

On a side note, this year I really felt like I have got a lot of my dating life handled. And I mean in the sense that I am in the right mental frame, I know how to handle nearly every situation, and I feel like I can get a girlfriend/dating pretty easy whenever I want now. Sometimes that process may take a while; sometimes not. This is big for me because this is basically why I've put so much effort into this stuff for so long, to feel complacent. Ironically, there isn't much technical stuff behind it at all: you talk to lots of girls, show your interest, get rejected/go on dates--it truly is a number's game. The difficult part of all of it was the internal stuff I had to learn, and also you have to find what works for you and your style of making things work. With all the dating advice out there on the internet, a lot of it is extreme, and others, not so much. I've learned what works for me, through my personality, and what is CONGRUENT to who I AM, but I do think there are ways you should always go about it regardless of a "style" or personality you have. I think I'd still be struggling if I didn't get to know myself to the level I do now, and I think I'd be still struggling if I didn't like myself to the degree I do now. Because dating is hard on the soul if you let it get to you, and if you like yourself, and you feel competent and confident knowing you'll succeed, then there really isn't anything to worry about. There will always be learning going on, and I know I want to learn more. For me it's been pretty cool considering how much I've adapted and learned about myself and others so far.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> The number I got a week ago(?), she asked why I got her number and I told her because I thought she was cute. I'm looking for a girlfriend right now because I don't have time to go out all the time. She definitely knows when we hang out it's a date thing, and I can tell she wants to date by the way she is texting me on her own accord wishing me luck on my exams, etc., after the fact she knows I want to date her. Pretty sure I might of found a long term dating prospect, which is cool since that is what I'm looking for right now. You tend to notice patterns when someone is interested. Never know what can happen though.
> 
> On a side note, this year I really felt like I have got a lot of my dating life handled. And I mean in the sense that I am in the right mental frame, I know how to handle nearly every situation, and I feel like I can get a girlfriend/dating pretty easy whenever I want now. Sometimes that process may take a while; sometimes not. This is big for me because this is basically why I've put so much effort into this stuff for so long, to feel complacent. * Ironically, there isn't much technical stuff behind it at all: you talk to lots of girls, show your interest, get rejected/go on dates--it truly is a number's game. * The difficult part of all of it was the internal stuff I had to learn, and also you have to find what works for you and your style of making things work. With all the dating advice out there on the internet, a lot of it is extreme, and others, not so much. I've learned what works for me, through my personality, and what is CONGRUENT to who I AM, but I do think there are ways you should always go about it regardless of a "style" or personality you have. I think I'd still be struggling if I didn't get to know myself to the level I do now, and I think I'd be still struggling if I didn't like myself to the degree I do now. Because dating is hard on the soul if you let it get to you, and if you like yourself, and you feel competent and confident knowing you'll succeed, then there really isn't anything to worry about. There will always be learning going on, and I know I want to learn more. For me it's been pretty cool considering how much I've adapted and learned about myself and others so far.


Oh man so true. It's funny that just a year ago I wanted a key to getting a girlfriend. Or that there was a universal answer to all of this. But the truth is, it's a numbers game. It's that simple and the more I get comfortable with all this dating, the more fun it is.

I'm starting to really like meeting new girls. Talking, having a good time and being myself. I used to worry that rejection or bad dates was all my fault but it's just a numbers game. Some girls will click with, some I won't and...that takes pressure off of me now.

I just keep getting more comfortable, continue working on my anxiety and push myself and I'll be where you are.

Great comment.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Oh man so true. It's funny that just a year ago I wanted a key to getting a girlfriend. Or that there was a universal answer to all of this. But the truth is, it's a numbers game. It's that simple and the more I get comfortable with all this dating, the more fun it is.
> 
> I'm starting to really like meeting new girls. Talking, having a good time and being myself. I used to worry that rejection or bad dates was all my fault but it's just a numbers game. Some girls will click with, some I won't and...that takes pressure off of me now.
> 
> I just keep getting more comfortable, continue working on my anxiety and push myself and I'll be where you are.
> 
> Great comment.


That's a great attitude and I think you'll achieve that goal!

Doesn't it feel good? For someone like me it does, especially for how long I felt the opposite. It's a simple concept, but I find it to be true. I guess I have to experience things enough times for myself to make that connection.


----------



## bsd3355

You can "be yourself" if you take action and move things forward. You can also "be someone else" and if you take action and move things forward then that will work too; however, it is draining and a lie. In that sense, it is pointless to not be yourself IF you take action and move things forward. So, it is important to know how to take charge, be persistent and be positive regardless of what personality you have. ANY personality (outgoing, shy, introverted, extroverted) has the same possibility of success IF they take action and move things forward. I am introverted by nature, and by choice (actually, I don't view myself as one thing over the other, but I see myself as a multitude of things), but it does not stop me because I don't let it stop me. You can be any personality--you can be yourself, and have it work for you because it's the actions and attitude that matter overall.

I just want to really emphasis being yourself because it implies you can be literally ANY personality and meet people and attract people IF you are taking the right actions to make it happen. Also, the added benefit to being yourself and attracting people is that you realize who you are is enough, and you realize that you can be vulnerable and express yourself authentically. In fact, if you are honest and authentic then you actually are far more attractive and respected and understood by people in general. So don't be afraid to be yourself! It does not matter!


----------



## rymo

Haven't cold approached anyone in quite a while - that was 2012...the break-out year. Most of this year I was more concerned with hanging out with people I cared about and focusing on career and trying to make friends - trying to get my mind right.

I moved to Brooklyn recently, and the focus is now to become well-rounded. Still focusing on all the important stuff, but not holding myself back when it comes to meeting women. In celebration, I approached my first Brooklyn girl today. Some small talk, a "hey I think you're cute", and a number. Despite being very rusty, I just tried to play it cool and not put any pressure on the situation. Just a little chat and then "hey put your number in my phone."

I don't even know if I'll text her; it was just good to get over that initial barrier once again. I miss the confidence I had last year...the near-arrogance that I had when I was talking to girls. This year I've stripped away all the bull**** and the ego and now I have a chance to build myself back up again - the right way this time. No overblown ego - just finally figuring out what "be yourself" actually means.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

^ That's what I'm working on too. Building on the egoless version of myself (cut way back on the fake wannabe act). Learning to just be my unadulterated self all the time. I used to act different around different groups and types of people. Now I'm just the same me around everyone. Feels a helluva lot better.


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm listening to my audio logs from June and I can't believe how much progress Ive made


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I'm listening to my audio logs from June and I can't believe how much progress Ive made


That's what it's all about. You progressed mentality or tangibly, or both?


----------



## pete24

Current POF....

an extra message came in since posting (this is a newish profile thus less "meet me's" since I put before)... CBA though :/

I need a slap or something to get motivated to reply to em


----------



## pete24

Since that I read a few messages...

"wuu2 babe? X"

"You seem such a nice guy... Chat time?"

Havent read the other 2... has 1 earlier saying "I have SA too, its tough isnt it?"xx" I replied... few messages later she asked me for my taste in music and her reply was basically "no thats sh!t" and didnt hear back off her


----------



## Jesuszilla

pete24 said:


> Since that I read a few messages...
> 
> "wuu2 babe? X"
> 
> "You seem such a nice guy... Chat time?"
> 
> Havent read the other 2... has 1 earlier saying "I have SA too, its tough isnt it?"xx" I replied... *few messages later she asked me for my taste in music and her reply was basically "no thats sh!t" and didnt hear back off her*


Don't take it personally but that made me laugh. "Your taste in music suX! Bye!!!"

Also wuu2 babe? What does that mean?


----------



## pete24

Jesuszilla said:


> Don't take it personally but that made me laugh. "Your taste in music suX! Bye!!!"
> 
> Also wuu2 babe? What does that mean?


Haha I know, she was a fail.

Exactly... and the "babe" comment like... is that girl talk for "meet me n i'll sleep with you cause i'm easy"

I dread to read the rest but for SA forums sake... here goes....

"Hi how are you? You sound like a really decent guy  x" (below standards i'll reply anyways)

"Hey there " (yawn)

"Hi" (Yawn even more)


----------



## Jesuszilla

pete24 said:


> Haha I know, she was a fail.
> 
> Exactly... and the "babe" comment like... is that girl talk for "meet me n i'll sleep with you cause i'm easy"
> 
> I dread to read the rest but for SA forums sake... here goes....
> 
> "Hi how are you? You sound like a really decent guy  x" (below standards i'll reply anyways)
> 
> "Hey there " (yawn)
> 
> "Hi" (Yawn even more)


So do you pass up on those kind of responses like women apparently don on POF?

Also if women didn't have such an issue with "hey..." messages would you?


----------



## pete24

Jesuszilla said:


> So do you pass up on those kind of responses like women apparently don on POF?
> 
> Also if women didn't have such an issue with "hey..." messages would you?


Pretty much.

I see it as... women have double standards online, "hi" or "hey" is no good for them, they wont reply.

But if they do it, its half assed, the other day I had:

"WARNING! This girl duz nt respond to ppl who tlk like dis x" (She was model type hot geek)

Thats better than "Hi", At least she put some thought into it... and she was fkin hot. If its more than "Hi", then from what I see, they are probably interested and it isnt just a "send hi to all guys and see who responds" job


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> Current POF....
> 
> an extra message came in since posting (this is a newish profile thus less "meet me's" since I put before)... CBA though :/
> 
> I need a slap or something to get motivated to reply to em


*slap*


----------



## pete24

Ty, did browse messages after the slap... only a bunch of mediocre's this time. 1 nice girl but mind went blank due to worrying about my bloody bad tooth :/


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Ty, did browse messages after the slap... only a bunch of mediocre's this time. 1 nice girl but mind went blank due to worrying about my bloody bad tooth :/


Pof is a losing game mate

Its like walking into a casino with crooked games hoping to still luck out


----------



## gamingpup

Actually speaking to people for a change


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> Pof is a losing game mate
> 
> Its like walking into a casino with crooked games hoping to still luck out


It's not just that. We live in the GTA. Read Roosh V's (pick up artist) article on the Toronto dating scene. He is of the opinion that Toronto is the worst city on earth for single men. We both live in the suburbs. But Roosh is of the opinion that suburbs are bad for dating anyway. That it's best for a single man to live in the city, where things are happening. To it's credit, Mississauga is a lot more happening than the typical suburb. There is a great bar and night club scene there. It's just not as expansive and varied as Toronto. And you have to drive EVERYWHERE in the suburbs because the public transportation is ***. Which makes logistics difficult if you are drinking alcohol at night. I'm not the biggest guy and 2 pints of beer is enough to make me sleepy and in no condition to drive. Unless I give my body some time to flush out the alcohol from my blood stream (eating helps with that).

Toronto is overly saturated with PUA and that's ****ing everyone up. Toronto is home of Mystery (The Mystery Method) and Tyler Durden/Owen (RSD). And there are pick up artist meetup groups in Toronto. Pretty much every girl has been exposed to PUA methods before. If not, guaranteed every cute/hot girl has been exposed to that stuff.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> It's not just that. We live in the GTA. Read Roosh V's (pick up artist) article on the Toronto dating scene. He is of the opinion that Toronto is the worst city on earth for single men. We both live in the suburbs. But Roosh is of the opinion that suburbs are bad for dating anyway. That it's best for a single man to live in the city, where things are happening. To it's credit, Mississauga is a lot more happening than the typical suburb. There is a great bar and night club scene there. It's just not as expansive and varied as Toronto. And you have to drive EVERYWHERE in the suburbs because the public transportation is ***. Which makes logistics difficult if you are drinking alcohol at night. I'm not the biggest guy and 2 pints of beer is enough to make me sleepy and in no condition to drive. Unless I give my body some time to flush out the alcohol from my blood stream (eating helps with that).
> 
> Toronto is overly saturated with PUA and that's ****ing everyone up. Toronto is home of Mystery (The Mystery Method) and Tyler Durden/Owen (RSD). And there are pick up artist meetup groups in Toronto. Pretty much every girl has been exposed to PUA methods before. If not, guaranteed every cute/hot girl has been exposed to that stuff.


Lol I stopped reading at pua


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> It's not just that. We live in the GTA. Read Roosh V's (pick up artist) article on the Toronto dating scene. He is of the opinion that Toronto is the worst city on earth for single men. We both live in the suburbs. But Roosh is of the opinion that suburbs are bad for dating anyway. That it's best for a single man to live in the city, where things are happening. To it's credit, Mississauga is a lot more happening than the typical suburb. There is a great bar and night club scene there. It's just not as expansive and varied as Toronto. And you have to drive EVERYWHERE in the suburbs because the public transportation is ***. Which makes logistics difficult if you are drinking alcohol at night. I'm not the biggest guy and 2 pints of beer is enough to make me sleepy and in no condition to drive. Unless I give my body some time to flush out the alcohol from my blood stream (eating helps with that).
> 
> Toronto is overly saturated with PUA and that's ****ing everyone up. Toronto is home of Mystery (The Mystery Method) and Tyler Durden/Owen (RSD). And there are pick up artist meetup groups in Toronto. Pretty much every girl has been exposed to PUA methods before. If not, guaranteed every cute/hot girl has been exposed to that stuff.


So...don't use PUA methods then.


----------



## Zeeshan

rymo said:


> So...don't use PUA methods then.


Yeah just be a man


----------



## Zeeshan

So against my better judgment going on another online date today...she looks cute in her pic we've been texting a lot let's see


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah just be a man


Exactly.

However most stigmatized "pua" stuff comes from this guy called Mystery and "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I think more of what is out there today is focused on being a more proactive person. I think the "PUA" mindset is dying, as it should. I think being successful at dating is relative to being successful at most things in life, in the sense that there are life lessons to be learned to "be better" at it (rejection, humbleness, vulnerability, losing the ego, consistency, positive outlook, etc.). The chronically insecure person is a lot of times the person who hasn't learned these lesson to a degree, or hides from them thinking they do harm to interactions, when in fact, they are very healthy and beneficial. Don't hide from them and ironically you become less insecure because you can "be yourself".

But anyways....


----------



## Zeeshan

So I'm here waiting for this girl to arrive

Honestly I have a disastrous feel to this whatever I'm just gonna have good Tims regardless of how it goes with her

I don't know why I keep putting myself out there with these online girls chances are she will be a good 30 lbs fatter and 5 years older

Somehow I did it oncw more. Haven't had an ugly online date this year though


----------



## Zeeshan

So had my date, it lasted 2 hours...i ended it only because i think that its better that way sometimes

She was cute. Her face wasnt pretty but she wasnt fat or anything and she had a really soft spoken voice. The date was good. She only had a beer and i had a beer so it was just drinks (I paid for it, and hoped that didnt turn her off)

I honestly dont know if there will be a second date, I think there might not be. Whatever maybe she didnt find me attractive enough, as i was walking her to her car, we teased a little bit about kissing, but she wouldnt let me kiss her on the lips. Not sure if she was playing hard to get. As i walked away, i jokingly yelled out that your such a tease, and she was like that i am and laughed.

Anyhow i dont want to dwell on it. I told her i will ask her out again (Big mistake i know, i was just being myself though) and she was like and my answer is i dont know (I would take this as a negative.) I think it was a soft no. 

I am not texting her good night, or anything like that. I always think dates go well, and usually they hadnt. I would just be upset that this would be the 4th girl in my mind that i have met through POF, that i thought was attractive that i wouldnt get a second date with. I would have to write it off to my looks. So tommorrow if she doesnt text, i'll just text around 5 or 6 and check it out. 

It was a really nice date IMO, maybe the best that i have been on for a first date in terms of chemistry, we flirted, teased so much. I am hoping that she is just playing hard to get. I'd say 70/30 i dont see her again. Only because i know my instincts have been sort of useless in that arena of reading the other persons emotions. I dont think she wanted to leave, i think she was really enjoying the night, but i also know that women will go on dates and just enjoy themselves even knowing there wont be a second. 

Will update tomorrow, but i am prepared to move on. Just that it would bother me that another girl feels that i wont be upto par


----------



## Malek

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah just be a man


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing. If i ever liked someone its probably my loneliness calling.


----------



## Puppet Master

Nothing thought I might try when I go to College in January but I've basically lost interest in even going to college much less meeting anyone. Now all I can think about is what I'm planning in a few years when I finish with it all ie leaving Illinois forever!


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm so pissed she isn't responding to my texts today

Don't know wtf is so wrong with me. I must he retarded looking or something

Seriously thinking about calling it quits 

4th or 5th girl this year to cut off contact after the first date


----------



## pete24

Still been on the POF shizzle....

Had a few more messages. 2 were off women that surely knew they were below my standards, yet the messages to me were just "hey" and "hi"... No chance.

3 I spoke to properly, however, 1 started blanking me when she googled my name and found youtube SA vids (Judgemental *****), the other 2 are ok, they have good personalities, but looks are slightly below what i'm after :/


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> Still been on the POF shizzle....
> 
> Had a few more messages. 2 were off women that surely knew they were below my standards, yet the messages to me were just "hey" and "hi"... No chance.
> 
> 3 I spoke to properly, however, 1 started blanking me when she googled my name and found youtube SA vids (Judgemental *****), the other 2 are ok, they have good personalities, but looks are slightly below what i'm after :/


Man, I did that meet me feature and I got nothing..........FOREVER ALONE!


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> I'm so pissed she isn't responding to my texts today
> 
> Don't know wtf is so wrong with me. I must he retarded looking or something
> 
> Seriously thinking about calling it quits
> 
> 4th or 5th girl this year to cut off contact after the first date


Random question: How are you meeting these girls, from dating sites or do you do approaches?


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Random question: How are you meeting these girls, from dating sites or do you do approaches?


POF


----------



## uffie

Nothing I'm such an awkward dude. My weirdness probably turns them off.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> I'm so pissed she isn't responding to my texts today
> 
> Don't know wtf is so wrong with me. I must he retarded looking or something
> 
> Seriously thinking about calling it quits
> 
> 4th or 5th girl this year to cut off contact after the first date


She responded 4 hours later with haha

not gonna bother responding to that, just gonna sit here


----------



## Jesuszilla

Talked to a girl earlier today when buying shoes with my sister. There was a girl trying on shoes and I just started a small conversation about the shoes and she seemed cool, until I tried asking her out.

Me after a few minutes of talking to her: I'm Jesuszilla, So what's your name?
Her: I'm not interested!
Me: You're not even going to let me ask?
Her: What does "I'm not interested" mean to you? *****
Me: Damn no need to curse me out

I got pissed off and wanted to curse her a** out but I just swallowed my anger and just walked off. She got mad real quick. She seemed cool when we were talking but just snapped when I tried to ask her out.

Oh well, I'm going to hang out with my friend tonight at her place. I promised her I'd make her jerk chicken and she remembered that from months ago. Should be fun cooking together.


----------



## bsd3355

^wow. brutal


----------



## pete24

Sourdog said:


> Man, I did that meet me feature and I got nothing..........FOREVER ALONE!


:O Really surprised with that mate.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> ^wow. brutal


Funny thing is a year ago I would have been devastated and scared to talk to another girl for months but after ranting to my sister and getting it off my chest, I'm okay.


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> :O Really surprised with that mate.


Well, i'm not very attractive (weight wise) and I could flesh out my profile a bit more.


----------



## Sourdog

I think a major thing affecting my confidence is my weight. i'm not obese or anything, but if i'm serious about trying to get a girl, I need to lose some poundage.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> I think a major thing affecting my confidence is my weight. i'm not obese or anything, but if i'm serious about trying to get a girl, I need to lose some poundage.


Stop eating

Eat half of what you usually eat


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> Stop eating
> 
> Eat half of what you usually eat


I think the biggest thing is to just eat healthy, which is kinda hard in college, but i'll persevere!


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> I think the biggest thing is to just eat healthy, which is kinda hard in college, but i'll persevere!


No forget healthy

2 months of halfing your calories won't send you to the hospital

Eat half of what you normally eat. In fact eat as little as possible and supplement with protein shakes

As long as you are getting to protein with vitamins your fine. If you don't want to listen to me don't

But no.1 attraction is face. And if your face has fat it's not attractive


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

Sourdog said:


> I think the biggest thing is to just eat healthy, which is kinda hard in college, but i'll persevere!


 Do this. Get into good habits of healthy eating. 
Don't halve what you eat.


----------



## bsd3355

Sourdog said:


> I think a major thing affecting my confidence is my weight. i'm not obese or anything, but if i'm serious about trying to get a girl, I need to lose some poundage.


I had a brief youtube debate about the weight thing. I'm not overweight, and from what I've experienced activitly trying to lose weight and stick to eating certain foods or having a certain caloric intake, it was pretty easy for me to do. Some people say being overweight is much like an addiction. I don't know how much I buy into that if you compare it to harder drugs, say. In any case, my willpower has always been very strong, and so it is easy for me to follow regimens and routines, etc. For others, obviously not so much? Idk. I'd imagine some people are fine being overweight too, and don't really care much to change.


----------



## pete24

Stuff still seems to be going good on the POF front. Loads more messages in past few days, although I barely find any of them to be to my taste.

The debate now is with this ugly girl. She lives in the same town as me, iv seen her about a few times and find her pretty repulsive in looks.

She randomly added me on FB the other day and it's too obvious she fancies me. I was messaging her back to be nice and then she starts talking dirty :O.

I don't know weather she knows she hasnt got a chance with me so is offering fun times or she's deluded and thinks offering sex will make me want a relationship with her.

I'm actually pretty tempted to take her up on her offer :O. Desperate times I guess. I'm gonna have to have serious thoughts about it though because if I did and it got out, I would be ripped into for the rest of my life :/


----------



## huh

Was having a great conversation going with someone online then they canceled their account after I asked them out....LOL. Umm...two other promising conversations going, picked up a few new phone numbers. The girl I wanted to schedule another date with is ignoring me now...ugh.

I really envy most girls when it comes to dating.


----------



## Sourdog

Got the courage again to talk to a girl in my class. We talked for most of the period and walked back to residence together. I was a bit nervous throughout, but overall I think it went well.


----------



## pete24

As for my possible FWB thing.... I have decided against it.

When I look at things, it was the SA talking. I don't want to lower my standards to the bottom of the barrel just to have that closeness.

Potentially i'm not bad looking, been with some cracking women so now it's at a point where i'm getting no interest.... I should just ride it through


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> As for my possible FWB thing.... I have decided against it.
> 
> When I look at things, it was the SA talking. I don't want to lower my standards to the bottom of the barrel just to have that closeness.
> 
> Potentially i'm not bad looking, been with some cracking women so now it's at a point where i'm getting no interest.... I should just ride it through


Pete your confidence is very low I've seen your video and I would think most women consider you good looking

But you def have a very low self esteem. Very low


----------



## Zeeshan

Nothing this week......didn't text that girl back after her haha

Didn't want to can senzse a lack of interest

Depressed keep watching motivation videos


----------



## SilentLyric

going the okcupid route again
made a profile, messaged a few girls. one girl is messaging me back right now.


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> going the okcupid route again
> made a profile, messaged a few girls. one girl is messaging me back right now.


That's great

Online dating is a great way to get started


----------



## bsd3355

Had date with a girl I met on campus two weeks ago. Didn't meet up with her for two weeks after getting her number because of busy schedules. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the world but she was cool and I enjoyed the company. I wouldn't mind seeing her again sometime. It has given me a bit of a desire to go back out there and try some more. While on the date she kept saying things projecting hang out in the future. She knew before even meeting up it was a date because we talked about it before via texting. She is open to dating me. I am good with it, but I also want to possibly meet more people before I get into a relationship. But then again, what's new? May seem like what I do makes no sense sometimes and I'm spinning my wheels, but there is reason to the madness.

A lot of the starting phase of meeting girls has been running through my mind in the sense that, once again, it isn't very technical at all. Literally, you should be able to go up to a girl and tell her what you think. It has taken me a while to just accept that it is that easy, but now I think it truly is that simple. Sometimes I think prolonging saying how you feel will only make things awkward, and really I think most girls know anyway, so might as well be honest and upfront about how you feel. I think a lot of what messed me up in the past was thinking I needed to have some type of "thing" I needed to do rather than just be blunt and upfront. Sometimes there are times when you should be less blunt, but I think it is a good thing to just be honest off the bat. Once again, lots of "nos" are bound to happen, so it's nothing abnormal there. Eventually some say yes; eventually some like you. The realization that some girls are open for that approach is true, just as much as the realization that many may not be, but it's not about trying to fit everyone's wants sometimes; for me, it's more about what is easier, makes more sense, isn't a waste of time. You can approach 1,000 different ways and some girls will be open to it and some won't. Most of it does NOT matter how you approach, but what matters is the girl's preconceived notions toward dating, and then dating someone like you. You literally put your cards on the table and if it's a hand she likes, well then OK. Nothing more technical than that.

I think a lot of time has been wasted on my part worrying unnecessarily about things beyond my control. In the end, you control what you control (yourself) and you go out there and try and try again. I think a good place to come from is to not take it too personally by believing in success. Once again, so many people out there, I think meeting someone who you fancy and vice versa is not a rarity at all. It's all about knowing where to go, how to be honest and move things forward, and seeing the process for what it is, while believing that results will come.

P.S.
The online dating thing, at least with regards to POF, is much more hit and miss in my opinion. The competition is simply much, much higher, and the girls are in MORE demand than what they would be in real life because guys are bigger pussies in real life, and also it is more convenient and it all right in front of you, which makes it more demanding. I think most guys will benefit from giving real life approaching a try for a _good amount of time_.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Pete your confidence is very low I've seen your video and I would think most women consider you good looking
> 
> But you def have a very low self esteem. Very low


Thanks and yeah I do mate.

I think that all started from inconsistency with women when I approached in real life. Such as 1 week a really hot woman could think i'm nice, that will give me some confidence but then a few weeks later some ugly girl could shoot me down.

I'm really starting to just gain some more self esteem. Things have been better than they were.

Theres been a new personal record on POF. I just woke up, checked account and in last 24 hours have 5 inbox messages :O. 2 are replies from women I messaged but the other 3 are women who have messaged me first :O.

Hopefully I could be looking at 1 date at least


----------



## fano

nothing


----------



## Evo1114

My various dating profiles have had a lot of activity for some reason lately. Really not sure why as I haven't updated any of them in several months. Perhaps early fall is my time of year. Now that I think about it...dating for me only really occurs exclusively in the fall and winter months. I've never dated anybody during the summer unless it was a longish-term thing. Weird.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

It's relationship season. Now that October's here, women are covering up their bikinis, ending their summer flings, and looking for long term partners. They don't need to shave their legs in the cold winter months, so they're not looking for random hook-ups. They're not going out everyday with their girlfriends to the beach and the bars and ****. They're staying in, having more time to think about how lonely they are. They know it's about to get really cold and how nice it would be to have a warm body next to them in bed. So go get yourselves a winter girlfriend before they all go into hibernation. The clock is ticking.


----------



## rymo

ManOfFewWords said:


> It's relationship season. Now that October's here, women are covering up their bikinis, ending their summer flings, and looking for long term partners. They don't need to shave their legs in the cold winter months, so they're not looking for random hook-ups. They're not going out everyday with their girlfriends to the beach and the bars and ****. They're staying in, having more time to think about how lonely they are. They know it's about to get really cold and how nice it would be to have a warm body next to them in bed. So go get yourselves a winter girlfriend before they all go into hibernation. The clock is ticking.


^ Well said. Luckily, just because a girl is looking for something more serious in these months doesn't mean they wouldn't settle for less (for those guys who aren't looking for anything serious). Win/win for guys of all inclinations.


----------



## Sourdog

Finally got a message on POF! 
Her message: Hey. 

:no


----------



## millenniumman75

I just be myself - I am not interested in a relationship or even dating at this point, but I definitely sense the attention :wink. That's better than anything. 

Not to be egotistical, but I can declare that I am a catch now - I have had a good job for years, just refinanced my dad's leftover mortgage putting it now in my name (at a near record low interest rate), have a car paid for, and only one credit card.....that I might want to pay off before the debt ceiling limit occurs. If we default, things are going to ugly VERY fast. Interest rates may jump.

I also care about family :lol 
I am biLINGUAL, and trying a third language.

It sounds like an online dating ad :lol. 


.....maybe I do have a lot going for me :teeth


----------



## rymo

millenniumman75 said:


> I just be myself - I am not interested in a relationship or even dating at this point, but I definitely sense the attention :wink. That's better than anything.
> 
> Not to be egotistical, but I can declare that I am a catch now - I have had a good job for years, just refinanced my dad's leftover mortgage putting it now in my name (at a near record low interest rate), have a car paid for, and only one credit card.....that I might want to pay off before the debt ceiling limit occurs. If we default, things are going to ugly VERY fast. Interest rates may jump.
> 
> I also care about family :lol
> I am biLINGUAL, and trying a third language.
> 
> It sounds like an online dating ad :lol.
> 
> .....maybe I do have a lot going for me :teeth


Then go for it! Stop holding yourself back M&M.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

rymo said:


> Then go for it! Stop holding yourself back M&M.


His palms are sweaty. Knees weak. Arms are heavy.


----------



## rymo

ManOfFewWords said:


> His palms are sweaty. Knees weak. Arms are heavy.


Mom's spaghetti...or something.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready.


----------



## Zeeshan

Thread 5000+ long


----------



## Crimson Lotus

The same thing I've always done; absolutely nothing. 

Perhaps a good one will fall from the sky again one of these days... I swear this time I won't ruin it :roll.


----------



## pete24

Sourdog said:


> Finally got a message on POF!
> Her message: Hey.
> 
> :no


Thats the normal story for me...

To quote the last 6 messages I didnt reply to:

"Hey"
"Hey there "
"Hey how r u?"
"What do u do hun??"
"hey how are you?"
"Hiya"

I agree with everyone else about the seasons.

I personally think at this time of year women see it as a cosy time, snuggling up with a guy, etc

"Meet me" on POF has suddenly flown up from about 10 a month ago to 79 who want to "meet me".

From POF alone this month I have spoken to 15 women. Most messaged me first. Got several numbers compared to a month ago where I had no messages for a few weeks.

Forgot to message a real hot girl back who messaged me a week ago because iv had too many messages, cant keep track of them all :/... Ahh well, lap it up


----------



## Sourdog

pete24 said:


> Thats the normal story for me...
> 
> To quote the last 6 messages I didnt reply to:
> 
> "Hey"
> "Hey there "
> "Hey how r u?"
> "What do u do hun??"
> "hey how are you?"
> "Hiya"
> 
> I agree with everyone else about the seasons.
> 
> I personally think at this time of year women see it as a cosy time, snuggling up with a guy, etc
> 
> "Meet me" on POF has suddenly flown up from about 10 a month ago to 79 who want to "meet me".
> 
> From POF alone this month I have spoken to 15 women. Most messaged me first. Got several numbers compared to a month ago where I had no messages for a few weeks.
> 
> Forgot to message a real hot girl back who messaged me a week ago because iv had too many messages, cant keep track of them all :/... Ahh well, lap it up


Atleast you have options, i'll reply to this girl anyways because she's pretty cute and i'm desperate lol.


----------



## pete24

It's a lot of the time with distance being a key.


Lol, at least thats a chance with 1. The weird thing with online dating is 1 day it can bring very little, but the next you can be flooded with messages


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Thats the normal story for me...
> 
> To quote the last 6 messages I didnt reply to:
> 
> "Hey"
> "Hey there "
> "Hey how r u?"
> "What do u do hun??"
> "hey how are you?"
> "Hiya"
> 
> I agree with everyone else about the seasons.
> 
> I personally think at this time of year women see it as a cosy time, snuggling up with a guy, etc
> 
> "Meet me" on POF has suddenly flown up from about 10 a month ago to 79 who want to "meet me".
> 
> From POF alone this month I have spoken to 15 women. Most messaged me first. Got several numbers compared to a month ago where I had no messages for a few weeks.
> 
> Forgot to message a real hot girl back who messaged me a week ago because iv had too many messages, cant keep track of them all :/... Ahh well, lap it up


Don't know the feel

But anyways I've let online go and not looking back

The kind of girl I want isn't online


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Don't know the feel
> 
> But anyways I've let online go and not looking back
> 
> The kind of girl I want isn't online


Surely mate you should still keep that door open? The same happens in real life.

I'd love to know the % stats but going purely for real life isnt 100%, neither is online, but they give you the best chance when combined.

Had a well thought out message a min ago which wasnt the usual "hi":

"Hi how are you? having a good week so far? im a little shy at first, but once i get to know someone well u cant shut me up lol (im really not that bad) anyway couldnt pass u by without saying hi so...well hi. Be nice to chat sometime x"

Not really my type... at least she made the effort. I might reply if I get wasted later or something


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Surely mate you should still keep that door open? The same happens in real life.
> 
> I'd love to know the % stats but going purely for real life isnt 100%, neither is online, but they give you the best chance when combined.
> 
> Had a well thought out message a min ago which wasnt the usual "hi":
> 
> "Hi how are you? having a good week so far? im a little shy at first, but once i get to know someone well u cant shut me up lol (im really not that bad) anyway couldnt pass u by without saying hi so...well hi. Be nice to chat sometime x"
> 
> Not really my type... at least she made the effort. I might reply if I get wasted later or something


Problem is whenever I start talking to women online then texting them meeting them etc. I stop trying to meet women offline and better myself overall

I become stagnant


----------



## bsd3355

millenniumman75 said:


> I just be myself - I am not interested in a relationship or even dating at this point, but I definitely sense the attention :wink. That's better than anything.
> 
> Not to be egotistical, but I can declare that I am a catch now - I have had a good job for years, just refinanced my dad's leftover mortgage putting it now in my name (at a near record low interest rate), have a car paid for, and only one credit card.....that I might want to pay off before the debt ceiling limit occurs. If we default, things are going to ugly VERY fast. Interest rates may jump.
> 
> I also care about family :lol
> I am biLINGUAL, and trying a third language.
> 
> It sounds like an online dating ad :lol.
> 
> .....maybe I do have a lot going for me :teeth


One of the nicest guys on the SAS forums! You sir, are a catch!


----------



## bsd3355

Yeah, even though I dislike online, obviously your best best is to try both and not one exclusively. I just get tired of doing the online thing very quickly. I get much better results offline, but that's me.

I always get a kick out of hearing about you guys approaching IRL


----------



## Zeeshan

I dont want online again. I dont think i can trust a girl who goes online dating again. the 3 or 4 girls i have met online who ive gone on to have more then 1 date (There have been a lot ending at 1 date) i have caught all continuing online even after we started to date a little bit and got intimate

this tells me that because of the constant re-enforcement that women get from attention online, they continue with online dating. So if i cant make it happen offline, then there is no point. Infact the only relationship i have truly been happy in, is with a girl i knew from college. 

Based on a very strong sample size, its just not gonna happen for me online. Furthermore any time i start online dating, i become a slob, stop working on improving myself. Anyways i am done with the rant, i am confident now, i know i'll make things happen offline.

I


----------



## pete24

I don't know dude, I guess it can just depend.

My experiences online were as soon as we exchanged numbers/added each other on FB or even got to the point of arranging a date, they literally stopped using POF (I checked by staying logged out and searching in their criteria, and sorting the page by last logged in but saw "online this week" under their names).

Had 2 new messages today (they messaged me 1st). Although both are really low end and I cant drop my standards that low.

Later I may pop down the pub I never go to (About 40 min walk away), last time I was there some hot bar girl served me, then went over to the other girl working there and said "he's hot". Later when she served me again she was nervous and short changed me by £5. They cashed the till up that night and text me to say they did indeed short change me... So maybe I should go down, get that cash, have a few pints and maybe chat to some women


----------



## SilentLyric

the girl hasn't responded in a couple of days. so much for that.

also considering making a pof profile to increase my odds. Whenever I browse pof, I notice women that I don't see on okcupid. It only makes sense to make a profile on pof as well. even though I really hate the design of the website and okcupid's is so much better.


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> the girl hasn't responded in a couple of days. so much for that.
> 
> also considering making a pof profile to increase my odds. Whenever I browse pof, I notice women that I don't see on okcupid. It only makes sense to make a profile on pof as well. even though I really hate the design of the website and okcupid's is so much better.


Might as well


----------



## Evo1114

SilentLuke said:


> the girl hasn't responded in a couple of days. so much for that.
> 
> also considering making a pof profile to increase my odds. Whenever I browse pof, I notice women that I don't see on okcupid. It only makes sense to make a profile on pof as well. even though I really hate the design of the website and okcupid's is so much better.


Doesn't hurt. I made profiles on 3 sites (POF, OkCupid and Match) and I haven't actually browsed any of them for like a year. I just let people message me (99% of women won't respond to you anyways if you message first)...I get an email alert when somebody messages me and then I can decide whether or not to converse with the chick. I have a date on Saturday with a girl who messaged me first on POF. I think it works better if you like sign up and forget about it rather than sign up and desperately try to find somebody. Actually I think every single person who I've gone out with that i've met on one of those sites has messaged me first.


----------



## Zeeshan

Evo1114 said:


> Doesn't hurt. I made profiles on 3 sites (POF, OkCupid and Match) and I haven't actually browsed any of them for like a year. I just let people message me (99% of women won't respond to you anyways if you message first)...I get an email alert when somebody messages me and then I can decide whether or not to converse with the chick. I have a date on Saturday with a girl who messaged me first on POF. I think it works better if you like sign up and forget about it rather than sign up and desperately try to find somebody. Actually I think every single person who I've gone out with that i've met on one of those sites has messaged me first.


Well pof has subroutines where they put you in spotlight if you log in a lot and message. You will appear more often on various searches and ads


----------



## SilentLyric

Evo1114 said:


> Doesn't hurt. I made profiles on 3 sites (POF, OkCupid and Match) and I haven't actually browsed any of them for like a year. I just let people message me (99% of women won't respond to you anyways if you message first)...I get an email alert when somebody messages me and then I can decide whether or not to converse with the chick. I have a date on Saturday with a girl who messaged me first on POF. I think it works better if you like sign up and forget about it rather than sign up and desperately try to find somebody. Actually I think every single person who I've gone out with that i've met on one of those sites has messaged me first.


I'm surprised girls actually message you. I've always had to message girls first and would think that just like in real life, they would want the guy to initiate. I do the opposite of what you do actually, I try to message as many girls as I can and hope that one bites.


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> I'm surprised girls actually message you. I've always had to message girls first and would think that just like in real life, they would want the guy to initiate. I do the opposite of what you do actually, I try to message as many girls as I can and hope that one bites.


Use the above mentioned meet me trick by Pete

If you have firefox you can set macros to do it


----------



## SilentLyric

Zeeshan said:


> Use the above mentioned meet me trick by Pete
> 
> If you have firefox you can set macros to do it


I don't understand the trick. He said 79 people want to meet him, but so what? That doesn't mean those 79 people will. Can you explain what is meant by this trick?


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> I don't understand the trick. He said 79 people want to meet him, but so what? That doesn't mean those 79 people will. Can you explain what is meant by this trick?


Well its basic exposure

So if you use Firefox and a macro you can set it to click meet me and just leave the computer. It will click yes on everybody

When you click yes to someone they get a notification. If a girl fancies you, they will open you up

The trick is you didn't use any effort

You will see that women will message you if they like your pics


----------



## pete24

A bit of the trick was.... Say a girl looks at you. You may think shes nice but as she didnt message you, she isnt interested. Sometimes (a small amount of the time), it's the women who think they won't bother messaging as they won't have a chance.

So using meet me, if you see them on there, click yes to them and they may message you. But yeah, I guess the clicking yes to everyone can build exposure. No offence to women but many wont understand macros and won't spend 5 hours clicking yes to everyone, so a lot, if not most will genuinely find you attractive if they click "meet me" back.



I'm still digging this seasonal thing where women are on the prowl in force (more than other years).

6 new inbox messages, some I cant be assed with but had 3 more nice girls messaging me since I last posted in this thread. 1 is a teacher, 1 works in theatre and the other is a legal secretary.


I messed it up with 2 earlier that I think are hot because my mind went blank :/


----------



## Matt K

I don't try because I'm way too shy and introverted. But in doing that and being my quiet self girls apparently find me "mysterious", and approach me because it's supposedly attractive. It's weird and I don't understand it. But, that's how I get a girl.


----------



## pete24

Question.... is it just me or would most guys find it difficult to continue a convo with this girl on pof?.... She messaged me 1st. (She was 1 of the recent girls who I thought seemed pretty nice in her pics and from her profile)

Her: Good! Read my profile. Aha x
(She was referring to me mentioning on my profile that I don't use fake tan and don't have bulging muscles, and her profile says she doesnt like guys like that)

Me: Sounding like my type of girl already  lol. So hows your week been so far? x

Her: Im ill atm, so havent been doing much x

Me: Ahh, I hope your better soon. Reading through your profile I saw you do a lot of musical theatre work and do a lot of singing. Thats pretty interesting as I sometimes do music production work and i'm always happy to work with new vocalist's, What sort of styles can you sing? x

Her: Piano, acoustic. Wil let u listen sumtime x

Me: I look forward to it. How long have you been doing that for? x

Her: A good few years x

Me: I see. It's always good to get a job doing something you enjoy. When I do music production I tend to focus on electro/dance styles of music and it can be quite enjoyable.

Her: Aha x



I mean wtf? She messaged me first, then didnt even bother to ask any questions to keep the conversation flowing. Her replies seemed half assed, and after her "Aha x" replied I just haven't replied back. 

I don't even get that, she's not a new member so it probably wont be that she found someone better. There was really no point in her messaging me at all.

EDIT: Thought I would post a few more messages I had off women today here:

"Hey, how are you? X" (Ugly girl)
"Hi how are you?" (Ugly girl)
"Hi just read your profile"
"how are you x" (Hot but single mum, not what i'm after)
"Hi "

There seems to be some huge pattern emerging. I don't know if I should put on my profile "If you message me, include more than "hi" or "hello""


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Question.... is it just me or would most guys find it difficult to continue a convo with this girl on pof?.... She messaged me 1st. (She was 1 of the recent girls who I thought seemed pretty nice in her pics and from her profile)
> 
> Her: Good! Read my profile. Aha x
> (She was referring to me mentioning on my profile that I don't use fake tan and don't have bulging muscles, and her profile says she doesnt like guys like that)
> 
> Me: Sounding like my type of girl already  lol. So hows your week been so far? x
> 
> Her: Im ill atm, so havent been doing much x
> 
> Me: Ahh, I hope your better soon. Reading through your profile I saw you do a lot of musical theatre work and do a lot of singing. Thats pretty interesting as I sometimes do music production work and i'm always happy to work with new vocalist's, What sort of styles can you sing? x
> 
> Her: Piano, acoustic. Wil let u listen sumtime x
> 
> Me: I look forward to it. How long have you been doing that for? x
> 
> Her: A good few years x
> 
> Me: I see. It's always good to get a job doing something you enjoy. When I do music production I tend to focus on electro/dance styles of music and it can be quite enjoyable.
> 
> Her: Aha x
> 
> I mean wtf? She messaged me first, then didnt even bother to ask any questions to keep the conversation flowing. Her replies seemed half assed, and after her "Aha x" replied I just haven't replied back.
> 
> I don't even get that, she's not a new member so it probably wont be that she found someone better. There was really no point in her messaging me at all.
> 
> EDIT: Thought I would post a few more messages I had off women today here:
> 
> "Hey, how are you? X" (Ugly girl)
> "Hi how are you?" (Ugly girl)
> "Hi just read your profile"
> "how are you x" (Hot but single mum, not what i'm after)
> "Hi "
> 
> There seems to be some huge pattern emerging. I don't know if I should put on my profile "If you message me, include more than "hi" or "hello""


Not really

I find that these kind of girls are getting a lot of messages and don't have time


----------



## Zeeshan

Like today got a message on pof from a girl after a month

Lol so she is like why is Starbucks evil

And I'm like I'd tell you but I don't have another month for your response 

Then this woman I'd been chasing a month ago where I had sent a sexual text and she didn't reply texts me today 

Hay are you okay 

And I texted back an hour later with who is this?


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> Like today got a message on pof from a girl after a month
> 
> Lol so she is like why is Starbucks evil
> 
> And I'm like I'd tell you but I don't have another month for your response
> 
> Then this woman I'd been chasing a month ago where I had sent a sexual text and she didn't reply texts me today
> 
> Hay are you okay
> 
> And I texted back an hour later with who is this?


Haha this is awesome, Zeeshan you're one sassy b*tch lol.


----------



## Brandeezy

I've been in Cabo San Lucas since tuesday and it been pretty fun so far. I did the salsa with one of the waitresses in a bar downtown (she grabbed me first) and took a ton of shots in a couple more spots. I'm planning on going to the club tomorrow night so we'll see what happens. There's also a lot of strip clubs and massage parlors so i might go there too


----------



## theCARS1979

pete24 said:


> Still been on the POF shizzle....
> 
> Had a few more messages. 2 were off women that surely knew they were below my standards, yet the messages to me were just "hey" and "hi"... No chance.
> 
> 3 I spoke to properly, however, 1 started blanking me when she googled my name and found youtube SA vids (Judgemental *****), the other 2 are ok, they have good personalities, but looks are slightly below what i'm after :/


I tried that site and messaged so many , the site sucks if you dont have the perfect profile so I got tired of it and deleted it and gave up


----------



## pete24

It's peeing me off with women that message but cba, thats all I have seen recently. On badoo 1 earlier:

Her: Hey
Me: Hey,nice to hear from you, Hope your having a good week.
Her: Good thanks, you?
Me: Yeah, not so bad, just been getting a load of work finished.
Her: Aw


Yet again another silly little b!tch.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Just from reading some of your convos, I noticed y'all aren't pushing the interactions quick enough. For instance pete24, the convo you posted of the nice pics girl, she basically gave you the keys to the date when she said "Will let you listen sometime x". I put that into google translate from 'girl' to 'guy' and the result was, "Will let you f*** me sometime x". At that point you should have set up a date in your response to her. "Let's meet up and talk about our musical passions over coffee" or some s*** like that. You hooked her with those first couple exchanges. But then you went and turned it into an excessively long interview. These chicks aren't on there to talk online for days, they're on there to get dates with guys they find attractive. So anytime a girl hits you up first, it's almost impossible to screw things up, unless you take forever to suggest a date. Women's time is important. Act fast when they show the slightest bit of interest in you. You can take your time making statements and asking questions on the actual date, but the time it takes to set up the date should be immediate, unless of course you're dealing with socially anxious women.


----------



## pete24

Maybe so, but a lot of these women are miles away. It would take a good few hours on a train to get to them, so i'm not prepared to rush things, get meeting them right away only to get there and find out they are not what i'm after. I think that 1 girl meant she would send over digital copies of her vocals, not actually meet

Been in a fair few relationships with women I met online, all of them were formed by chatting online/fb/texting for a few weeks to a month. Then we made the decision to meet, and things did all work out.

However on the other hand there's a girl I arranged to meet after just 2 or 3 days of chatting, we met after speaking for barely a week and it was a complete waste of time. She was the most arrogant and narrow minded person I had ever met, I wasted £40 that day and I couldn't wait for her to get back on the train to go home. The only date I have been on that didn't work out


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Haha this is awesome, Zeeshan you're one sassy b*tch lol.


Yeah

So 5 hours later she texts me her name

I'm just gonna ignore her till Sunday and then outright ask her of she wants to come over

I think the way I'm starting to treat women is bad in general. I used to be such a nice guy to all of them


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Maybe so, but a lot of these women are miles away. It would take a good few hours on a train to get to them, so i'm not prepared to rush things, get meeting them right away only to get there and find out they are not what i'm after.
> 
> Been in a fair few relationships with women I met online, all of them were formed by chatting online/fb/texting for a few weeks to a month. Then we made the decision to meet, and things did all work out.
> 
> However on the other hand there's a girl I arranged to meet after just 2 or 3 days of chatting, we met after speaking for barely a week and it was a complete waste of time. She was the most arrogant and narrow minded person I had ever met, I wasted £40 that day and I couldn't wait for her to get back on the train to go home. The only date I have been on that didn't work out


I know the feel

If I meet the girl too soon from online it won't go far


----------



## andyhog

I do nothing beside being myself: confident, talkative and always ready to make a great joke on myself, people love it.


----------



## IcedOver

I've posted a lot about my attempts to meet someone with a shared fetish and how I came so close a few months ago -- twice, in fact -- and was flaked on twice. Since then I've been trying . . . and trying . . . and trying . . . again . . . and again . . . and again. I've made my own ads, sent out replies, even replied to women in other states with the intention of traveling. All it's gotten me is a big fat zero. They either don't reply or quit replying after one message. It's so frustrating. If I were looking for "normal" dating, I think I'd have found someone by now given the level of effort, but I guess I'm taking a much rougher road, so I should expect this frustration. That doesn't make it hurt less, though.

I still get depressed and regretful quite often when thinking about the women who flaked, particularly the first one. I've tried to reach out to her a couple times and gotten no response. I may try one final text soon; don't know yet.


----------



## Brandeezy

Gonna get a Escort after I get back.I thought I would have more success outside the country but i guess not


----------



## Sourdog

No luck online. Been talking to this girl in my class a lot, we went out on break the other day to get a bite to eat. Not sure if anything will happen, she seems cool but were both kinda shy so I can't either of us initiating anything more than a conversation. We'll see though, my confidence has been a little bit stronger lately.


----------



## rymo

Anyone here live in or near Brooklyn?


----------



## Alone75

I just made a new POF account, Pft.:blank


----------



## pete24

Bits of luck...

Next weekend arranged a meet with some girl... single mother but top of the range model type girl. She's your stereotypical FHM or page 3 girl. Wants me to go there, see how it goes any maybe stay over if we get on well .

Had some other girl from POF whos keen too, she aint a single mother. We exchanged a few messages, gave me compliments, then her number. Said she's deleted her account cause of weirdo's and hopes we can chat and eventually meet .


So.... the first girl is the next plan. Single mother, but is hotter than any girl I could expect to be with. May as well travel to her.



Corrrr and as I type... some girl adds me on FB saying shes seen me about and wants to get to know me.... phwaorrr is the word.... Yes please is the answer . Plus 1 on POF who I sorta know in person that liked me ages ago.... hmmm


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Anyone here live in or near Brooklyn?


Haha. I wish. Would love to live near NYC.


----------



## theCARS1979

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah
> 
> So 5 hours later she texts me her name
> 
> I'm just gonna ignore her till Sunday and then outright ask her of she wants to come over
> 
> I think the way I'm starting to treat women is bad in general. I used to be such a nice guy to all of them


Pof isnt the right route for some of Us bro


----------



## pete24

I dunno mate, in some ways I agree, but for dating with SA, for most it's usually online dating or nothing


----------



## Zeeshan

theCARS1979 said:


> Pof isnt the right route for some of Us bro


This was some woman I used to work with


----------



## Zeeshan

I just stopped messeging this total cutie on pof

No desire.....she is cute too and interested

I'm not willing to go through the song and dance


----------



## low

PuA ideology is stupid. There is indeed truth to much of the theory. Yet stroking these types of womens egos, half of who wouldn't give you the time of day before you learn to basically overwrite your existing personality, is a form of increased psychopathy. To appease the population already in the highest psychopathy of society.

This is why I harshly criticise feminism and have basically opted out, of relationships and society. You won't change the dating game (to be more fair for men) or womens attitudes until you make society fairer for yourselves as a sex.


----------



## Digital Dictator

Nothing


----------



## TobeyJuarez

well i found out the girl in my group that i liked had a bf, wasnt upset or anything cause she had the guts to tell me, so im gonna talk to the other girl in class that was eyeballing my on monday and see how that goes


----------



## Zeeshan

low said:


> PuA ideology is stupid. There is indeed truth to much of the theory. Yet stroking these types of womens egos, half of who wouldn't give you the time of day before you learn to basically overwrite your existing personality, is a form of increased psychopathy. To appease the population already in the highest psychopathy of society.
> 
> This is why I harshly criticise feminism and have basically opted out, of relationships and society. You won't change the dating game (to be more fair for men) or womens attitudes until you make society fairer for yourselves as a sex.


This doesn't matter

If she doesn't find you attractive mentally or physically. You maybe able to get something using pua maybe even sex

But at the end of the day it wont work


----------



## bsd3355

illmatic1 said:


> well i found out the girl in my group that i liked had a bf, wasnt upset or anything cause she had the guts to tell me, so im gonna talk to the other girl in class that was eyeballing my on monday and see how that goes


ballin'


----------



## theCARS1979

Zeeshan said:


> I just stopped messeging this total cutie on pof
> 
> No desire.....she is cute too and interested
> 
> I'm not willing to go through the song and dance


Did you state why you discontinued talking to her


----------



## bsd3355

low said:


> PuA ideology is stupid. There is indeed truth to much of the theory. Yet stroking these types of womens egos, half of who wouldn't give you the time of day before you learn to basically overwrite your existing personality, is a form of increased psychopathy. To appease the population already in the highest psychopathy of society.
> 
> This is why I harshly criticise feminism and have basically opted out, of relationships and society. You won't change the dating game (to be more fair for men) or womens attitudes until you make society fairer for yourselves as a sex.


The more I learn about women the more I see more similarities than anything, and that's a good thing.


----------



## Zeeshan

theCARS1979 said:


> Did you state why you discontinued talking to her


I'm tired of the whole online show. Met 20-25 women don't know lost count through online on the last 14 months or so

I'm tired of messaging and meeting blind


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> The more I learn about women the more I see more similarities than anything, and that's a good thing.


I agree when it comes to attracting women, which is what I think you mean. But when it comes to their overall personalities, I find that girls are awesomely unique.

I was reading an article about not getting attached too easily to one girl, and the most interesting thing I took away from it is that when you get to that point where you think, "Man this girl is great. I'll never find anyone else like her" - you're right. However, just because one girl may uniquely feel like the best girl in the world for you, it doesn't mean another girl won't seem that way as well - it will just be a different path to get to that point of loving and appreciating their uniqueness.

All that being said, it's still incredibly hard to find a girl who really gets you to that point...who seems to click with you on all levels. And that's why when you do and you want it to mean something you really have to stop playing games and be 100% real..putting your emotions on the line and leaving yourself vulnerable to potential heartbreak. A push and pull until you both feel like the other is in love already. Scary.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I agree when it comes to attracting women, which is what I think you mean. But when it comes to their overall personalities, I find that girls are awesomely unique.
> 
> I was reading an article about not getting attached too easily to one girl, and the most interesting thing I took away from it is that when you get to that point where you think, "Man this girl is great. I'll never find anyone else like her" - you're right. However, just because on girl may feel uniquely like the best girl in the world for you, doesn't mean another girl won't feel that way as well - it will just be a different path to get to the point of loving and appreciating their uniqueness.
> 
> All that being said, it's still incredibly hard to find a girl who really gets you to that point...who seems to click with you on all levels. And that's why when you do and you want it to mean something you really have to stop playing games and be 100% real..putting your emotions on the line and leaving yourself vulnerable to potential heartbreak. A push and pull until you both feel like the other is in love already. Scary.


True. Everybody is unique. I keep wanting to add things to what you said but I think you said it the best. What you said about the push pull thing is dead freakin' on. Good post.

Bit of a side tangent... in the beginning attraction phase...

I don't play games with girls anymore. I find it to be completely unnecessary. There really is no point in doing it. This is why I am finding the idea of dating to be easier and easier. Without getting into too much detail, you realize that everything you are is good enough for certain girls. Trying to be someone else to get more girls usually does not work out, and most girls aren't stupid and know what they want so you are wasting your time. If the girl doesn't like you she doesn't like you, and there is always one who does, so move on and stay upbeat.

Added to being yourself is the idea that you can nearly say anything to a girl who wants to date you. This takes all the pressure off thinking about "techniques", "routines", scripts, etc. This is why I say it is harder than most guys realize to mess up with a girl who wants to date you. Heck, you can even pretend to be someone else and still get a girl if she is open to dating you. So what does this mean? It means what really matters is preconceived notions of what the girls wants (mixture of if the girl wants to date and if you are her type). So drop all the bull**** and be yourself because being anything else is a waste of everyone's time.

But yeah, when it comes to a girl that hits you on that level, as rymo said, then it can be challenging because it gets a little more complicated when feelings are involved.


----------



## Putin

low said:


> PuA ideology is stupid. There is indeed truth to much of the theory. Yet stroking these types of womens egos, half of who wouldn't give you the time of day before you learn to basically overwrite your existing personality, is a form of increased psychopathy. To appease the population already in the highest psychopathy of society.
> 
> This is why I harshly criticise feminism and have basically opted out, of relationships and society. You won't change the dating game (to be more fair for men) or womens attitudes until you make society fairer for yourselves as a sex.


Couldn't agree more


----------



## Jesuszilla

I just love this thread. rymo and bwidger85 never cease to amaze me with your post.


----------



## bsd3355

Just got back from doing a bit of reconnaissance work at the local campus lol. It was drizzling; not too much people walking around; stayed for about an hour. Plan on going back out Tuesday, which will be busy.


----------



## Rossy

Somehow managed to get one.


----------



## Redfan45x

I generally have bad experience with online dating, and I've tried talking to 2 girls in my school. The first one we talked for some days, it felt like I was getting somewhere. Than she admitted I was different from anyone she ever met before and it wasn't a good thing or a bad thing. After that she pretty much never even notices me in the halls.
I must have something about me that pushes girls away, maybe I'm too intense or deep. 
I've been told by a girl once that I was so unique and different that it scared her.


----------



## pete24

Saturday was a fail at the pub, didnt meet any women.

POF is still 1 of my only hopes. Actually has continued to get better since my last post here.

2 more single mums messaged me on POF, not my type, 1 was smoking hot, the other seemed like a complete chav (2 pictures had her sticking the middle finger up). Both are not my type.

Some random girl added me on FB, not really for me though.

The best result has been this other POF girl... She messaged me first. I had a look through her profile... Smoking hot, exactly my type, great personality. Even her name is beautiful. However.... Checked her location and she lives overseas . 

We have been chatting a fair bit and she seems like such a nice girl. The distance is a problem though, £600 return and I don't have a passport, she does though.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Saturday was a fail at the pub, didnt meet any women.
> 
> POF is still 1 of my only hopes. Actually has continued to get better since my last post here.
> 
> 2 more single mums messaged me on POF, not my type, 1 was smoking hot, the other seemed like a complete chav (2 pictures had her sticking the middle finger up). Both are not my type.
> 
> Some random girl added me on FB, not really for me though.
> 
> The best result has been this other POF girl... She messaged me first. I had a look through her profile... Smoking hot, exactly my type, great personality. Even her name is beautiful. However.... Checked her location and she lives overseas .
> 
> We have been chatting a fair bit and she seems like such a nice girl. The distance is a problem though, £600 return and I don't have a passport, she does though.


You should be careful with those overseas ones. Ive had a couple of overseas one contact me, and i always know its those who are looking for that there canadian citizenship


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> You should be careful with those overseas ones. Ive had a couple of overseas one contact me, and i always know its those who are looking for that there canadian citizenship


This is true. My dad always uses sites talking to girls from overseas and I see it all the time. These girls are often after money or moving out of their country.


----------



## PersonPersoning

If you want flowers to grow in your garden, you dont have to think flowers. You dont have to chant flowers. You just have to think of soil, manure, water, sunlight. Nothing to do with flowers. If you handle filth well, flowers will happen. Those people who think of flowers will end up with chinese made plastic flowers. They will not have flowers.
The whole approach of the intellect is "Go for the fruit!" Its goal oriented. No, not the fruit. The root! You nurture the root, fruit will happen. Fruit is a consequence. Your shooting for the consequence without being interested in the cause. Thats not going to produce long term results. Then you will end up with something that works short term, then that itself becomes a huge problem.


----------



## Zeeshan

PersonPersoning said:


> If you want flowers to grow in your garden, you dont have to think flowers. You dont have to chant flowers. You just have to think of soil, manure, water, sunlight. Nothing to do with flowers. If you handle filth well, flowers will happen. Those people who think of flowers will end up with chinese made plastic flowers. They will not have flowers.
> The whole approach of the intellect is "Go for the fruit!" Its goal oriented. No, not the fruit. The root! You nurture the root, fruit will happen. Fruit is a consequence. Your shooting for the consequence without being interested in the cause. Thats not going to produce long term results. Then you will end up with something that works short term, then that itself becomes a huge problem.


I disagree with this kind of thinking

It theorizes that there is something wrong with the people in this thread, and why they havent been successful with women, and that they should spend time on that

I think the men in this thread are perfectly fine and are already flowers, deserving of a great love in their life. No one should have to wait for love and happiness


----------



## Kalliber

Hmm nothing i have both preferences


----------



## SilentLyric

I made the pof account. Haven't talked to anyone on there but it will be nice to have more options.

Recently on okcupid, I was talking to this girl back and fourth about pets. We are in about 10 messages but I feel hesitant because I'm waiting for her to show more interest I suppose? It feels like she's just being polite so she keeps talking to me. I'm also in a conversation with another girl. I feel like this one could be interested in me (for example we were discussing warped tour, and I was saying how I wished I had gone to warped tour , I joke about going next year together, she says "promise?".) I'm more interested in this girl than the other one, it would be nice if we could make plans to do something together, but I'm scared about asking. In the past on dating sites I was really quick in trying to get the phone number or plans, but this time I'm trying to take more steady, relaxed approach. I don't want to be seen as too eager and I need to know if the girl is really interested.


----------



## rymo

SilentLuke said:


> I made the pof account. Haven't talked to anyone on there but it will be nice to have more options.
> 
> Recently on okcupid, I was talking to this girl back and fourth about pets. We are in about 10 messages but I feel hesitant because I'm waiting for her to show more interest I suppose? It feels like she's just being polite so she keeps talking to me. I'm also in a conversation with another girl. I feel like this one could be interested in me (for example we were discussing warped tour, and I was saying how I wished I had gone to warped tour , I joke about going next year together, she says "promise?".) I'm more interested in this girl than the other one, it would be nice if we could make plans to do something together, but I'm scared about asking. In the past on dating sites I was really quick in trying to get the phone number or plans, but this time I'm trying to take more steady, relaxed approach. I don't want to be seen as too eager and I need to know if the girl is really interested.


If a girl is bothering to message you on OkCupid, you don't need to beat around the bush. There is interest there. Instead of having a silly conversation about pets, you did the right thing in the second case by not only identifying a shared interest, but also being really flirty about it (and she responded positively). Nice! Now there's no reason not to seal the deal. Tell her she's cute and that you guys should meet up for drinks/music/whatever on whatever day.

Oddly enough, offering up your number first works really well online - usually resulting in her offering hers right back. It has the dual purpose of also relieving your worry about showing too much interest; if she's not ready to give you her number, giving yours first is an innocent, non-assuming way to get hers where the worst that will happen is, "Sorry, I'd like to talk to you more before we exchange numbers."

Good luck!


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah
> 
> So 5 hours later she texts me her name
> 
> I'm just gonna ignore her till Sunday and then outright ask her of she wants to come over
> 
> I think the way I'm starting to treat women is bad in general. I used to be such a nice guy to all of them


So anyways

Here is a chic who I was trying to lay her a month ago who wouldn't respond to my texts properly

And eventually didn't respond to my last one. Last week when she texted me hey how are you after a month I pretended I didn't know who she was. Then when she told me her name ignored her again

Guess what texts me a greeting again today. They hate to be ignored


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> You should be careful with those overseas ones. Ive had a couple of overseas one contact me, and i always know its those who are looking for that there canadian citizenship


Yeah there can be some dodgy 1's. I reckon this girl is pretty much legit. If anything I would have no idea why anyone would want UK citizenship. Most expensive train fares in Europe, huge recession's, everything is taxed. I guess it's understandable if someone is coming from a poor country, she in the states though.

Will have to see, I'll continue to chat to her etc and who know's,


----------



## bsd3355

Tomorrow I want to practice being more upfront and honest with the girls I meet on campus. _ My goal is to show my intent before asking for the number._ That will be my main emphasis. I want to make sure I am meeting girls who are interested in what I'm interested in. This cuts down a lot of ambiguity and will make everything much better (the way it should be in dating). When you meet someone and you are interested in dating them, hiding that fact is probably the worst thing you can do.

I like to meet girls walking around on campus, so technically you can say the most honest approach is to approach them and tell them the reason you approached them, which is fine, but I prefer to open by asking for directions because there is a lot of people around her usually and I think going too direct off the rip is a bit too much in this instance. If it wasn't so crowded and less awkward to be more direct off the approach then I would do that. During summer classes, when there isn't too much people around on campus, it is a better time to walk up to a moving girl and just be upfront from the approach._ I would much prefer to open indirect then go direct, and I think it is more socially calibrated in this instance...._

So, an example of how I plan on doing this tomorrow will go as the following (remember, my goal is to show my intent BEFORE getting her number to clear ambiguity and be authentic), so this is what I have planned:

1. Ask for directions to a building she is walking toward to walk with her and transition into small talk

2. Have some simple small talk: "What major are you taking?"...."What do you think of this campus?"....etc..etc...

3. Before parting ways and asking for her number/date I show my intent by saying something like: "Sorry if this seems a little abrupt, but you are cute. What's your name?".. (preferably more small talk)....."Would you like to go on a coffee date sometime?"

-----------------------------------------------

Ideally, I would prefer to just be honest off the rip and tell her why I approached her, but I just think being that direct off the opener in this particular situation to be a little abrupt and awkward. Some situations I feel are better to go direct off the rip than others.

**What do you guys think about this? Do you think I should be direct off the opener or transition into being direct like the way I mentioned (remember, this is for girls I never met walking around campus [usually between classes])?

I try to post an update tomorrow when I give it a try.


----------



## Sourdog

Ugh I really hope this girl I've been talking too likes me. Today, I was walking back from class alone and she ran up to me and we started talking. I'm glad she did, but I just get so damn nervous and awkward, I hope I didn't turn her off or anything.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> **What do you guys think about this? Do you think I should be direct off the opener or transition into being direct like the way I mentioned (remember, this is for girls I never met walking around campus [usually between classes])?
> 
> I try to post an update tomorrow when I give it a try.


I think you're overanalyzing things. I personally just do the same thing every time. Smiling, say, "hey there. you're really cute." and then transition into a flirty conversation. Or some slight variation. Unless there's an obvious situational conversation starter that pops into my head. Otherwise, thinking about the specifics too much only bogs me down and makes me second guess myself. And I think it's completely unnecessary to try and narrow it down to some science. You've seen the simple pickup guys - they'll say and do anything and it doesn't really matter. Just gotta be smiling, good eye contact, bold, and confident by practicing a lot.


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Ugh I really hope this girl I've been talking too likes me. Today, I was walking back from class alone and she ran up to me and we started talking. I'm glad she did, but I just get so damn nervous and awkward, I hope I didn't turn her off or anything.


Man...if only life were always that easy...girls running up to talk to you


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> I think you're overanalyzing things. I personally just do the same thing every time. Smiling, say, "hey there. you're really cute." and then transition into a flirty conversation. Or some slight variation. Unless there's an obvious situational conversation starter that pops into my head. Otherwise, thinking about the specifics too much only bogs me down and makes me second guess myself. And I think it's completely unnecessary to try and narrow it down to some science. You've seen the simple pickup guys - they'll say and do anything and it doesn't really matter. Just gotta be smiling, good eye contact, bold, and confident by practicing a lot.


You're right for the most part I think. Something about walking up to a girl I haven't met, whom herself is walking, and off the bat saying "Hey, you are cute" seems slightly uncalibrated on my part. But, I see your point. It is adding unnecessary requirements most likely. Often times I'll open indirectly and because the girl doesn't know directions on campus I'll just say thanks and keep walking. Not good.

Update:

So my intention was to go direct before getting a girl's number. I ended up getting one number, but it wasn't a compliment or w/e, and I am not sure whether or not it was a direct approach. But what happened was I saw a girl sitting down outside a building smoking a cigarette. I went over and asked for directions to a building. I then proceeded to ask questions about herself (school, etc., etc.). Conversation was probably 5-10 minutes max. I sat down at one point and talked a little bit more. _Keep in mind, the way I kept in there and talked to her I'm sure she was aware I was talking to her because I was hitting on her (you'd have to be there to see what I mean)_

Anyway, after getting her number this is the following text conversation:

-----------------------------------------------------

It was nice meeting you. Are you taking lots of classes this semester? -brice
Oct 15 3:05 pmNice meeting you too Brice. And no I'm only taking two classes
Oct 15 3:06 pmThat's always good, more sleep... Unless you're interning
Oct 15 3:09 pmNo. Just more sleep lol
Oct 15 3:10 pmVery nice! My sleep schedule has been pretty bad lately. Tried to wake up at 10am today but couldn't do it 
Oct 15 3:12 pmLol I got up at 5
Oct 15 3:13 pmYikes. I sometimes work at 730am but they have me all over the scheduling. What motivated you to wake up that early? Had to been schhol
Oct 15 3:15 pmI have wake up at 5 cause my mom and I leave for kent at. 6
Oct 15 3:16 pmI see. Do you have a car yourself?
Oct 15 3:16 pmNo. I don't even have a license actually 
Oct 15 3:17 pmAh bummer
Oct 15 3:17 pmI'd like to ask you on a date sometime but i would guess not having a car and living an hr away makes things a little harder . Sorry if that seems a tad abrupt or w/e
Oct 15 3:22 pmNo I'm flattered. But living an hour away does put a wrench in the situation
Oct 15 3:23 pm<Yeah it does. Maybe you'd like to grab coffee when after class sometime? 
Oct 15 3:26 pmThat'd be great. I'll be free Thursday after 10:30
Oct 15 3:27 pmOk! Sounds good enjoy the rest of your day!
Oct 15 3:32 pmYou do the same 
Oct 15 3:33 pmThanks
Oct 15 3:34 pm 
------------------------------------
Conversations don't need to be award-winning...

I didn't accomplish my direct approach goal off the opener. Rymo is probably right. I am likely adding unnecessary steps to this. A tad frustrating considering that was my goal before I went out. The main reasons I want to do it is to screen better and how to really embrace complete openness and honesty. I want to adopt more of this into what I do. Still, however, sometimes it is a not a good move going direct off the bat in my opinion...it depends in my opinion, but w/e.. there doesn't appear to be a one-sized-fits-all approach to this sometimes..

I went indirect on a few other girls. One I had a decent conversation with walking, but I didn't pull the trigger and show intent nor did I ask for number. Another two I didn't go direct on due to a short walk or because one didn't know directions. The last one was pretty funny... she absolutely did NOT want to participate in any communication with me. I asked for directions and she pointed and said "over there" real fast and kept walking. I tried to start conversation with her and asked if she goes to school here (stupid question, I know lol), she shook her head no and didn't even look at me. I asked one more question even though at this point I knew she didn't want to talk, and I asked "So you're just walking around, eh?"...weird... she once again shook her head and kept didn't look at me, so I literally saluted her and said "Ok.. have fun with that" and kept walking. **** happens.

So yeah, as you can see, I **** up too. Everyone does. I'm still working on being more direct in this particular situation. Girls aren't stupid, and I should listen to my own advice. There is no need to hide my intent, and it adds problems that shouldn't be there I think.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ...


To be more specific, I usually just say, "Hello! How are you?" and then when they respond I'll follow up with, "I just thought you were adorable so I had to come and say hi. I'm Ryan" - stretch out hand for shake, they tell me their name, and then "Nice to meet you."  Always remember the smiling, always maintain STRONG eye contact.

That's it. Like I said, sometimes depending on the situation and if my mind is working (rarely), I'll say something situational. But it's not necessary. This is all that's required to start a conversation with a girl.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> To be more specific, I usually just say, "Hello! How are you?" and then when they respond I'll follow up with, "I just thought you were adorable so I had to come and say hi. I'm Ryan" - stretch out hand for shake, they tell me their name, and then "Nice to meet you." Always remember the smiling, always maintain STRONG eye contact.
> 
> That's it. Like I said, sometimes depending on the situation and if my mind is working (rarely), I'll say something situational. But it's not necessary. This is all that's required to start a conversation with a girl.


You're right. Thank you for the advice!


----------



## SilentLyric

rymo said:


> If a girl is bothering to message you on OkCupid, you don't need to beat around the bush. There is interest there. Instead of having a silly conversation about pets, you did the right thing in the second case by not only identifying a shared interest, but also being really flirty about it (and she responded positively). Nice! Now there's no reason not to seal the deal. Tell her she's cute and that you guys should meet up for drinks/music/whatever on whatever day.
> 
> Oddly enough, offering up your number first works really well online - usually resulting in her offering hers right back. It has the dual purpose of also relieving your worry about showing too much interest; if she's not ready to give you her number, giving yours first is an innocent, non-assuming way to get hers where the worst that will happen is, "Sorry, I'd like to talk to you more before we exchange numbers."
> 
> Good luck!


the second girl texted me when I offered my phone number. Thanks man!


----------



## Mr Bacon

Hello there guys. I'm new to this thread. My depression is finally diminished thanks to some antidepressant I've been taking lately, which allows to adress areas of my life where work & progress is clearly needed - wooing chicks being one of these.

So... is the advice given here any good? As in, do people giving advice here actually have much experience and success to back them up - while they deal with similar SA issues? 'Cause you know, I don't need some bald guy to tell me I ought to get a jaw surgery nor some nerdy PUA virgin to tell me I need to bother with insignificant details such as standing straight with my shoulders as broad as possible while projecting my deepest voice to get some attraction going!

That being said... I'm student at university. Today while getting back home, I chatted up a girl from my maths class while we were riding the subway. Things went pretty good, nothing but small talk, and the fact that I'm one of the freshest guys in our class, fashion wise, probably plays in my favor in the beginning of any relationship, without getting too cocky.

So... what's the next step, hypothetically?


----------



## bsd3355

Mr Bacon said:


> Hello there guys. I'm new to this thread. My depression is finally diminished thanks to some antidepressant I've been taking lately, which allows to adress areas of my life where work & progress is clearly needed - wooing chicks being one of these.
> 
> So... is the advice given here any good? As in, do people giving advice here actually have much experience and success to back them up - while they deal with similar SA issues? 'Cause you know, I don't need some bald guy to tell me I ought to get a jaw surgery nor some nerdy PUA virgin to tell me I need to bother with insignificant details such as standing straight with my shoulders as broad as possible while projecting my deepest voice to get some attraction going!
> 
> That being said... I'm student at university. Today while getting back home, I chatted up a girl from my maths class while we were riding the subway. Things went pretty good, nothing but small talk, and the fact that I'm one of the freshest guys in our class, fashion wise, probably plays in my favor in the beginning of any relationship, without getting too cocky.
> 
> So... what's the next step, hypothetically?


"Hey, what's your number? We should keep in touch"

"You're cute. We should hang out sometime"

etc.

Point of emphasis: be upfront, be honest and move things forward (get contact information, set up date, etc). If she declines, no harm done, and find a girl who wants to.

If it is important to you then try it out and get a feel for it yourself.


----------



## bsd3355

Damn, anyone actually go back to the beginning of this thread and scan through it? This thread is epic.....annnnd, I talk entirely too much 

Also, rymo, you've been advocating being clear in your intent off the approach from the beginning to clear ambiguity. I can't believe I haven't adopted that 100% by now with all the approaches I've done. Crazy. I really need to work on that.


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> the second girl texted me when I offered my phone number. Thanks man!


Yeah offering number online works great

I think for me I can only remember 2 times I gave it and the girl didn't follow through


----------



## SilentLyric

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah offering number online works great
> 
> I think for me I can only remember 2 times I gave it and the girl didn't follow through


I'm going to offer my number from now on. I've asked for the phone number many times and the girl would ignore me after that.


----------



## hypestyle

Trying and failing on social media & dating websites.


----------



## Brandeezy

This girl I was talking to on Craigslist asked me to come over tomorrow until I sent her a pic of me. She ignored me after :/


----------



## euphoria04

Brandeezy said:


> This girl I was talking to on Craigslist asked me to come over tomorrow until I sent her a pic of me. She ignored me after :/


She invited you over before seeing what you look like?


----------



## Brandeezy

euphoria04 said:


> She invited you over before seeing what you look like?


Not really, I asked and she said "sure" but wanted a pic first. I made a NSA post about wanting to lose my virginity so yeah....


----------



## bsd3355

Brandeezy said:


> This girl I was talking to on Craigslist asked me to come over tomorrow until I sent her a pic of me. She ignored me after :/


Have you had any dates lately? Do you only use online to meet girls?


----------



## Jesuszilla

It was raining outside and I was on break watching the rain while another guy standing next to me was smoking a cigarette. A cute lady ran through the rain and the guy standing next to me tried flirting with her saying "hey girl you must like to get wet". I rolled my eyes and the girl was clearly offended so I pulled her aside and apologized because and kept talking to her. 

We were talking for so long I forgot to clock back in. I figured since I'm going to be written up anyway might as well get something out of it so I asked her for her number She gave me her number and said I was a nice guy. Enjoyed the compliment by the way. 

Moral of the story, don't use cheesy pick up lines because the next guy might get the girl because of it.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> It was raining outside and I was on break watching the rain while another guy standing next to me was smoking a cigarette. A cute lady ran through the rain and the guy standing next to me tried flirting with her saying "hey girl you must like to get wet". I rolled my eyes and the girl was clearly offended so I pulled her aside and apologized because and kept talking to her.
> 
> We were talking for so long I forgot to clock back in. I figured since I'm going to be written up anyway might as well get something out of it so I asked her for her number She gave me her number and said I was a nice guy. Enjoyed the compliment by the way.
> 
> Moral of the story, don't use cheesy pick up lines because the next guy might get the girl because of it.


boss


----------



## Kalliber

Twerk..


----------



## Zeeshan

Reading no more Mr nice guy by Robert glover at work. Some one recommended it

Started out decently


----------



## danberado

255? this page i like a videogame stat!


----------



## Sourdog

Jesuszilla said:


> It was raining outside and I was on break watching the rain while another guy standing next to me was smoking a cigarette. A cute lady ran through the rain and the guy standing next to me tried flirting with her saying "hey girl you must like to get wet". I rolled my eyes and the girl was clearly offended so I pulled her aside and apologized because and kept talking to her.
> 
> We were talking for so long I forgot to clock back in. I figured since I'm going to be written up anyway might as well get something out of it so I asked her for her number She gave me her number and said I was a nice guy. Enjoyed the compliment by the way.
> 
> Moral of the story, don't use cheesy pick up lines because the next guy might get the girl because of it.


Haha, awesome!


----------



## Zeeshan

Quarter of a way through no more Mr nice guy. Highly recommend it

Its very insightful


----------



## SilentLyric

Zeeshan said:


> Quarter of a way through no more Mr nice guy. Highly recommend it
> 
> Its very insightful


what's it about? sounds pua-ish from the title honestly.


----------



## Brandeezy

O


bwidger85 said:


> Have you had any dates lately? Do you only use online to meet girls?


No dates, just the one with my coworker and that's it. I don't think I'll ever get a date without the person feeling sorry for me. And yeah I only use online but i rarely get messages from any site.


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> what's it about? sounds pua-ish from the title honestly.


Its really not

Nothing to do with picking up a woman


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Its really not
> 
> Nothing to do with picking up a woman


You can read it by googling the name followed by PDF


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> Damn, anyone actually go back to the beginning of this thread and scan through it? This thread is epic.....annnnd, I talk entirely too much
> 
> Also, rymo, you've been advocating being clear in your intent off the approach from the beginning to clear ambiguity. I can't believe I haven't adopted that 100% by now with all the approaches I've done. Crazy. I really need to work on that.


So embarrassing reading some of that stuff...I was so excited to be going on a date that I was practically gushing about it. Not to mention I sounded like a self-help book (even moreso than I do now :yes).


----------



## theCARS1979

Zeeshan said:


> I'm tired of the whole online show. Met 20-25 women don't know lost count through online on the last 14 months or so
> 
> I'm tired of messaging and meeting blind


Same, I gave up with pof. To just write messages and get ignored. I havent been on any dates recently to be honest. I wouldnt have stopped talking if I were you though


----------



## Zeeshan

theCARS1979 said:


> Same, I gave up with pof. To just write messages and get ignored. I havent been on any dates recently to be honest. I wouldnt have stopped talking if I were you though


To be honest I never had a problem with being ignored

Its a numbers game and women are getting tons of messages. I understand

I am just not meeting the kind of women that I'd like to be in a serious relationship


----------



## Jesuszilla

Update: So I gave that girl a call. My anxiety was very high. But I made it through the ice breakers. I was hearing some noise in the background and some children's show and asked if she had kids and she has FOUR kids. 

First off, she looks absolutely terrific with 4 kids. I would have never guessed she had kids at all because she has a really nice body. But I'm not going further with her. That's just too much. I'm not into single moms at all. I hate to say it but once a girl says in any shape or form that she has a kid or is taken I instantly lose all attraction to her.

...
I'm much more confident approaching women but I still have a lot of anxiety especially when it comes to saying something first unless there is an obvious ice breaker or something I can say to ease my nerves very quickly. I also have crazy anixety issues when it comes to touching or going physical with a girl (I know very wimpy of me).

Also I know dating is hard but I didn't realize it was _this_ hard. The girl I met at the hospital last month, we are so different that she pretty much stopped talking to me. I'm not a party guy, I like my dates and social activities to be laid back and don't do drugs and rarely drink. She was the opposite and she tried very hard to get me doing such things even though I don't enjoy bars/club and since my family has a history of addiction don't touch drugs in any way. And yet, knowing this wouldn't work out in the long run, I still felt like crap when she stopped talking to me. :/

Another girl I met at a bar seemed nice and shy and thought I was cute but that didn't go nowhere. Just kind of ranting and getting this off my chest. All this dating stuff is very new to me and a part of me is proud of the improvements I'm slowly making, but another side of me wants results now. I'm not into ONS and my main goal is to have a girlfriend (even though I'm open to FWB).

I'm going to keep on trying, at least at my pace instead of forcing myself now. But it's hard not to feel discouraged sometimes. Also I feel like I'm doing 80% of the work while the girls just follow along with enough enthusiasm to keep me going. Man dating is harder than I thought. Having a girlfriend better be worth it.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Update: So I gave that girl a call. My anxiety was very high. But I made it through the ice breakers. I was hearing some noise in the background and some children's show and asked if she had kids and she has FOUR kids.
> 
> First off, she looks absolutely terrific with 4 kids. I would have never guessed she had kids at all because she has a really nice body. But I'm not going further with her. That's just too much. I'm not into single moms at all. I hate to say it but once a girl says in any shape or form that she has a kid or is taken I instantly lose all attraction to her.
> 
> ...
> I'm much more confident approaching women but I still have a lot of anxiety especially when it comes to saying something first unless there is an obvious ice breaker or something I can say to ease my nerves very quickly. I also have crazy anixety issues when it comes to touching or going physical with a girl (I know very wimpy of me).
> 
> Also I know dating is hard but I didn't realize it was _this_ hard. The girl I met at the hospital last month, we are so different that she pretty much stopped talking to me. I'm not a party guy, I like my dates and social activities to be laid back and don't do drugs and rarely drink. She was the opposite and she tried very hard to get me doing such things even though I don't enjoy bars/club and since my family has a history of addiction don't touch drugs in any way. And yet, knowing this wouldn't work out in the long run, I still felt like crap when she stopped talking to me. :/
> 
> Another girl I met at a bar seemed nice and shy and thought I was cute but that didn't go nowhere. Just kind of ranting and getting this off my chest. All this dating stuff is very new to me and a part of me is proud of the improvements I'm slowly making, but another side of me wants results now. I'm not into ONS and my main goal is to have a girlfriend (even though I'm open to FWB).
> 
> I'm going to keep on trying, at least at my pace instead of forcing myself now. But it's hard not to feel discouraged sometimes. Also I feel like I'm doing 80% of the work while the girls just follow along with enough enthusiasm to keep me going. Man dating is harder than I thought. Having a girlfriend better be worth it.


It is hard. It's emotionally draining, and sometimes you just don't feel like putting in so much effort for potentially so little. When you're dating and you have anxiety, it sometimes feels like you're climbing a mountain just to see what's on the other side. Sometimes it's a double rainbow, and sometimes it's a barren wasteland. I can assure you though that it's worth the trouble - especially since it only gets easier the more you do it. It will eventually feel like less of a chore and you'll feel like it doesn't matter as much if every girl situation doesn't work out exactly like you want it to. Of course, going hand in hand with that is becoming more secure with yourself in general so that you aren't constantly thinking about this girl and that girl and don't mind doing your own thing. In other words, if you try to focus less on NEEDING a girlfriend for your life to be complete, it will become mentally easier to find one. Of course, being new to dating makes it very difficult to not have that goal constantly racking your brain, so all I can say is what I said before, keep doing what you're doing and it'll get easier...eventually. Oh yeh, and


----------



## Zeeshan

Honestly there is no bigger fear then calling a girl for the first time and listening to that phone ring

Its like the longest 10 seconds


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla, you are doing very well for yourself. You will find what you are looking for, but in the mean time try to learn to enjoy the ride! Just because a girl you meet doesn't turn out to be your girlfriend, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy those experiences. The process of meeting girls out and about is fun. I was also gonna say something along the lines of what rymo said in the sense that you should be happy with or without a girlfriend. That doesn't mean stop going after what you want, but what it means is being sad about not meeting that girl YET shouldn't stop you from enjoying life! _Enjoy the process_, celebrate the small victories, stay positive, laugh hard, be stupid and when you bring that girl into your life you carry on doing the same! No worries, you are on the right path. Keep it up! Appreciation is important.

What things in your life do you enjoy with or without a girlfriend? Expand on those things. Have things you love to do that make you happy and just start to love yourself _and love life_. When you go out to meet girls, you should go out to meet girls from a place of "yeah, i love my life...i love who i am, what i do...i appreciate every aspect of myself (my strengths and weaknesses)...'oh hello, you are pretty! what's your name?'" appreciation for what you like to do and who you are are very important...appreciation for outside sources are kewl too


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Jesuszilla, you are doing very well for yourself. You will find what you are looking for, but in the mean time try to learn to enjoy the ride! Just because a girl you meet doesn't turn out to be your girlfriend, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy those experiences. The process of meeting girls out and about is fun. I was also gonna say something along the lines of what rymo said in the sense that you should be happy with or without a girlfriend. That doesn't mean stop going after what you want, but what it means is being sad about not meeting that girl YET shouldn't stop you from enjoying life! _Enjoy the process_, celebrate the small victories, stay positive, laugh hard, be stupid and when you bring that girl into your life you carry on doing the same! No worries, you are on the right path. Keep it up! Appreciation is important.


Strong truth


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> It is hard. It's emotionally draining, and sometimes you just don't feel like putting in so much effort for potentially so little. When you're dating and you have anxiety, it sometimes feels like you're climbing a mountain just to see what's on the other side. Sometimes it's a double rainbow, and sometimes it's a barren wasteland. I can assure you though that it's worth the trouble - especially since it only gets easier the more you do it. It will eventually feel like less of a chore and you'll feel like it doesn't matter as much if every girl situation doesn't work out exactly like you want it to. Of course, going hand in hand with that is becoming more secure with yourself in general so that you aren't constantly thinking about this girl and that girl and don't mind doing your own thing. *In other words, if you try to focus less on NEEDING a girlfriend for your life to be complete, it will become mentally easier to find one.* Of course, being new to dating makes it very difficult to not have that goal constantly racking your brain, so all I can say is what I said before, keep doing what you're doing and it'll get easier...eventually. Oh yeh, and


That's a good reply. The part I bold is probably my problem. I don't see the point in not having an end goal when I talk to these women. I'm also very direct in what I want (or try to be as soon after meeting her at least) so the journey seems like the road trip going on a vacation. I'm so anxious to get to the destination that I forget to sit back and enjoy the ride.



bwidger85 said:


> What things in your life do you enjoy with or without a girlfriend? Expand on those things. Have things you love to do that make you happy and just start to love yourself. When you go out to meet girls, you should go out to meet girls from a place of "yeah, i love my life...i love who i am, what i do...i appreciate every aspect of myself (my strengths and
> weaknesses)...'oh hello, you are pretty! what's your name?'"


The things I enjoy are mostly loner activities. I get where you guys are coming from by loving myself, but I am currently trying to rewrite my mentality to life.

This probably isn't the best mentality to have, but I meet girls with an endgame. I don't mind dating, asking out or all that and I do enjoy it when my anxiety dies down. I just feel like anything less than a girlfriend is failure.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Honestly there is no bigger fear then calling a girl for the first time and listening to that phone ring
> 
> Its like the longest 10 seconds


That is why I like to call. Especially knowing that most people text first, I feel like calling gives me that extra advantage. Like "he isn't afraid to talk to me"


----------



## bsd3355

Anxiety is normal with regards to this. I've worked out pretty ingenious ways to be less anxious about meeting girls, but it still happens, but on much less extremes.

You should really check out RSD material. They go in depth about this stuff. I think you could benefit from some of philosophy of this stuff. It is too vast for me to sum up in a few short paragraphs.

Like I said though, you are on the right path. Just keep doing what you are doing and work on the things you need to work on and you'll get there  GL


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> I just feel like anything less than a girlfriend is failure.


I don't know your relationship experience, but I felt the same way when I first started dating. "Gotta get a gf. Gotta get a gf." And then I finally got one. And she was less than right for me. And eventually I got another one. I liked her more, but I knew she didn't have close to everything I was looking for (she thought World War 2 was fought between the North and the South. :no). So after two painful breakups and a lot of emotional distress followed by a year of trying to sleep with every girl I possibly could, I finally calmed down. I finally just took a step back and started focusing more on myself and when it came to dating, enjoying it instead of acting like it was a test. Trying to strike a balance in my life. It's something I'm still working on every day.

My point is, the way you're feeling is completely understandable, and nothing we can really say will change it. The ultimate dating mentality IMO is to take your time and experience different people so you truly know what you like and don't like and therefore be less likely to settle. But it takes time, heartbreak and experience to get to that point. That's not to say a first relationship can't work out, but the chances are slim. You are at the start of a perilous and exciting journey. Good luck!


----------



## Zeeshan

I did something very strange last night

I drove by my ex's place. I didnt mean to, just kind of ended up driving by there

Then i wondered if she had seen my car (its very unique, and she knows it). Highly unlikely

I didnt mean to do it, I dont know.....I still havent gotten over her. Even though i had that rebound chic,

I felt the need to confess this to someone


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have never had a relationship so its probably skewed my thought process. Anyway rymo I agree with what you said. My experience so far has taught me a lot about the opposite sex and how I interact with people so its only logical that after a few relationships and more experience that I settle into a more comfortable person.


----------



## meganmila

Hey bros!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## gunner21

meganmila said:


> Hey bros!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> I have never had a relationship so its probably skewed my thought process. Anyway rymo I agree with what you said. My experience so far has taught me a lot about the opposite sex and how I interact with people so its only logical that after a few relationships and more experience that I settle into a more comfortable person.


I think if you think that you will drastically change or become more confident then maybe its misleading a bit


----------



## rymo

Zeeshan said:


> I think if you think that you will drastically change or become more confident then maybe its misleading a bit


Everyone's different. I've changed a hell of a lot since I started dating. Was it 100% due to that? No, of course not. But it was certainly a large factor.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I have never had a relationship so its probably skewed my thought process. Anyway rymo I agree with what you said. My experience so far has taught me a lot about the opposite sex and how I interact with people so its only logical that after a few relationships and more experience that I settle into a more comfortable person.


I think it's a lot of things. I think with experience I am able to see where the walls are--I am expecting them often--but I have also been around the walls enough times to know that there is success on the other side. I am still trying to find news things to explore and "prove" to myself, but it isn't like it was. I have checked a lot of "proving" things to myself off the list, and so they no longer really concern me as much. It's competence is what it is. It is knowing that "this" section here can be very treacherous...well, ok... but it's a front, or a process more than anything; I've been there; done that, and I've seen the other side enough times to feel competent now. You go from thinking "I can't" to "maybe I can" to "I know I can". And, I've noticed with things in general, once a certain level of understanding or competence comes then things seems to settle and you expend less energy on things that once seemed overwhelming; the hard gets simple; the questions are filled, and you can focus on the bull's eye instead of wasting energy all over the dart board; you become more efficient in many things.

Like, I remember when talking on the phone to girls was a BIG deal, but somewhere along the process I didn't really care anymore. A lot of it links together in the sense that one reason I didn't care as much was because I saw more or less boundaries on what is important to focus/worry about, etc. I know if I talk to a girl on the phone it almost NEVER does any harm and it isn't the thing to focus/worry on, so I simply don't worry about it. I view it now more as just something I do that is convenient, much like texting. It doesn't really affect anything unless you are a complete weirdo, which most of us aren't. Anyway...

So it seems, for me at least, that it is experiencing things and seeing boundaries, or what is important and not important to focus on, do, and/or be concerned about. Inevitably, the more experiences you have in any subject, the more boundaries (walls) you see, and the more experiences you have to help GPS your way through it. The same can be said with anything in life (work, relationships, etc.). The more we experience the more we link those experiences to the experiences we experience and we build upon that, which then all comes together in little things, like worry about phone calls, or worrying about eye contact, or worry about what to say, and even rejection. You need to experience things in life to learn more and more about yourself and others, so the pain process is actually something that makes you more well-rounded and strong. Don't fret just yet. In time you grow from this.

Just some ideas.


----------



## bsd3355

My fear is what bystanders think when I approach girls.

I need to approach in front of tons and tons of people. This will be my goal for the next couple outings.


----------



## Sourdog

Back to the drawing board, the girl I've been semi hanging out with and talking too has not been giving me any signals. She's not starting any of our conversations and doesn't help keep them going either, she barely greets me when I come into class. Hmm what to do now? I might be going to the bars tonight with my friends, so hopefully I get the balls to approach there. Ugh, can I ever catch a break?


----------



## absreim

bwidger85 said:


> My fear is what bystanders think when I approach girls.
> 
> I need to approach in front of tons and tons of people. This will be my goal for the next couple outings.


I've occassionally see guys hit on girls in public places like subways before. My feeling when I see that is awe that the guy would have the guts to do that. Looking at the other people around me when that happens it seems like they don't even care, like it is commonplace for that to happen.

Definitely know what you mean about feeling awkward doing that in front to a bunch of people though.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Approached a girl at the gas station while getting gas this morning. In terms of physical attraction she was my ideal girl. She seemed a bit shy but she did smile when I complimented her. Things were going good so I said "you're really cute, you should give me your number so we can go out some day". But she turned me down. Man she was so damn cute that I'm still thinking of her.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Approached a girl at the gas station while getting gas this morning. In terms of physical attraction she was my ideal girl. She seemed a bit shy but she did smile when I complimented her. Things were going good so I said "you're really cute, you should give me your number so we can go out some day". But she turned me down. Man she was so damn cute that I'm still thinking of her.


Wow

Admire your courage


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Wow
> 
> Admire your courage


I recently read that if you see a girl you're into to talk to her instantly so that my thoughts doesn't over think the situation. So I went for it. I think it's called the 3 second rule (not sure).

This was a big deal for me because I don't always go for what I really want. I mean the girls I talk to are attractive but its more in the sense that "she looks good and easy to talk to" over "she is so cute, I _have_ to talk to her". The girl from this morning I _had_ to try.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Approached a girl at the gas station while getting gas this morning. In terms of physical attraction she was my ideal girl. She seemed a bit shy but she did smile when I complimented her. Things were going good so I said "you're really cute, you should give me your number so we can go out some day". But she turned me down. Man she was so damn cute that I'm still thinking of her.


Awesome! You're boss-like lately


----------



## bsd3355

absreim said:


> Looking at the other people around me when that happens it seems like they don't even care, like it is commonplace for that to happen.


Yeah, weird how that works.

Tom is right though, desensitization does work.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

haha


----------



## bsd3355

Me and my friend from way back been trying to hang out for a while. Finally, had time that fit our schedules. Went over to his house, his gf cam back and we all decided to go out to the bars on spur of the moment.

Went out, I danced, made a fool of myself. Learned some line dancing; drank a bit. Didn't really push for any number closes, though I did talk to some girls. One girl at the bar had a leather jacket on so I asked where she got it and said I was planning on getting one. She said Italy. I said, "must of been expensive"... she said "oh yeah"...I said "cool"...we bounce head to another bar. I'm feeling randy at this point. Put some good ol' California tupac on this jukebox. I get up start dancing with some randoms on stage. Good times.

Had a blast. Before we left got some Cosmic Subs. Talked to the cashier, asked if she was single. She had a boyfriend, but cool girl. Awesome sub. Wasted the night having fun. What else could you ask for?

Meanwhile, about a week ago I wen ton a date with a girl I met on campus. She's super busy with her schedule. Been tryna hang out but super busy. So I decided to get more numbers. The next week got a number from a girl sitting outside a building on campus. I ended up canceling the coffee date due to scheduling problems. She wants to reschedule for next week, but she lives an hour away and commutes to school so chances of having anything substantial seems iffy. With this girl I am curious if I can convince her to stay the night one night after getting to know each other a bit, so that way she doesn't have to commute far in the morning to go to school . Either or, that doesn't work, plenty of other opportunities on campus. Plan on hitting it up sunday afternoon and maybe next week too. Will keep posted. Night.


----------



## Alone75

I'm just waiting for Miss Right to knock on my door.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I decided to try something different. I'm going to visit my sister in San Antonio next weekend and one of her friends she's roommates with is hot and single. I asked my sister if she can play wing girl like she used to do with my brother and hook me up with her. Hopefully it goes well.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Me and my friend from way back been trying to hang out for a while. Finally, had time that fit our schedules. Went over to his house, his gf cam back and we all decided to go out to the bars on spur of the moment.
> 
> Went out, I danced, made a fool of myself. Learned some line dancing; drank a bit. Didn't really push for any number closes, though I did talk to some girls. One girl at the bar had a leather jacket on so I asked where she got it and said I was planning on getting one. She said Italy. I said, "must of been expensive"... she said "oh yeah"...I said "cool"...we bounce head to another bar. I'm feeling randy at this point. Put some good ol' California tupac on this jukebox. I get up start dancing with some randoms on stage. Good times.
> 
> Had a blast. Before we left got some Cosmic Subs. Talked to the cashier, asked if she was single. She had a boyfriend, but cool girl. Awesome sub. Wasted the night having fun. What else could you ask for?
> 
> Meanwhile, about a week ago I wen ton a date with a girl I met on campus. She's super busy with her schedule. Been tryna hang out but super busy. So I decided to get more numbers. The next week got a number from a girl sitting outside a building on campus. I ended up canceling the coffee date due to scheduling problems. She wants to reschedule for next week, but she lives an hour away and commutes to school so chances of having anything substantial seems iffy. With this girl I am curious if I can convince her to stay the night one night after getting to know each other a bit, so that way she doesn't have to commute far in the morning to go to school . Either or, that doesn't work, plenty of other opportunities on campus. Plan on hitting it up sunday afternoon and maybe next week too. Will keep posted. Night.


Damn, you've been a busy man.

Its nice to just cut loose and have fun without worrying about getting numbers. I hope things go well with the girl from campus.


----------



## dal user

A girl from here had me skype with her yesterday, I really like her as well shes good looking and seems really nice and down to earth, I dont think she wants a relationship with me or anything but it was really good to talk to her. I think shes left here now though because she has wiped her profile, maybe I scared her away but I didn't say anything creepy or nothing like that. Im not mentioning no names either.


----------



## AussiePea

Slowly being less **** at online dating and trying to follow through with emails -> first date instead of just cbf'ing after an email or two. One girl I have been conversing with for a week or so seems very nice with a great attitude towards things in general so I'm going to ask her on a date later this week (I am overseas for two weeks from Saturday so I want to meet her before I leave).


----------



## Jesuszilla

Met a very extroverted and eccentric girl. What I like about girls like her is that she's so talkative and says so many things that its easy for me to continue talking. She seems like the type that gets overly excited for things which is okay. She was a blast to talk to so I hope this goes somewhere. 

The only mistake I may have made was that I never complimented or flirted with her so I don't think she knows I'm interested. I have to make a move when I talk to her.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Met a very extroverted and eccentric girl. What I like about girls like her is that she's so talkative and says so many things that its easy for me to continue talking. She seems like the type that gets overly excited for things which is okay. She was a blast to talk to so I hope this goes somewhere.
> 
> The only mistake I may have made was that I never complimented or flirted with her so I don't think she knows I'm interested. I have to make a move when I talk to her.


Yeh it's all good. Planting the seeds. Sometimes it can be better to be more subtle, especially if you know you'll see that person again. Be all friendly and have good conversation, cementing yourrself into non-creeper zone. Then blowing them away with a compliment and confidence. My roommate is the master at this.

Where are you meeting all these babes?


----------



## arnie

Rich91 said:


> A girl from here had me skype with her yesterday, I really like her as well shes good looking and seems really nice and down to earth, I dont think she wants a relationship with me or anything but it was really good to talk to her. I think shes left here now though because she has wiped her profile, maybe I scared her away but I didn't say anything creepy or nothing like that. Im not mentioning no names either.


Maybe she was just shy? People on this site usually are. The first girl I skyped with on here agreed to meet up, then cancelled at the last minute. Don't worry too much about it, just move on.


----------



## Zeeshan

nothing now, its been 3 weeks since my last date, quit online dating, nothing happend in real life. been home most of the time, thinking about what to do next


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> Yeh it's all good. Planting the seeds. Sometimes it can be better to be more subtle, especially if you know you'll see that person again. Be all friendly and have good conversation, cementing yourrself into non-creeper zone. Then blowing them away with a compliment and confidence. My roommate is the master at this.
> 
> Where are you meeting all these babes?


I meet girls at work or at stores. My friend talks to strangers like she's known them for years. I mimic that attribute about her when I meet a girl I'm interested in. Instead of letting anxiety get in the way, I get anxiety out of the way. Sometimes I even the girl know I'm a little nervous she'll reply positively which gives me extra confidence to make my move.

I don't quite understand how I'll blow a girl away with a compliment though. Can you clarify please?


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> I meet girls at work or at stores. My friend talks to strangers like she's known them for years. I mimic that attribute about her when I meet a girl I'm interested in. Instead of letting anxiety get in the way, I get anxiety out of the way. Sometimes I even the girl know I'm a little nervous she'll reply positively which gives me extra confidence to make my move.
> 
> I don't quite understand how I'll blow a girl away with a compliment though. Can you clarify please?


All I meant was that if you don't come on too strong right away, as is typical with a cold approach where you may never otherwise see the girl again, and then save that strong come on for another time, she won't be expecting it as much and therefore it'll be more exciting for her (the exception being waiting forever, when you're already friend-zoned). I think it's an excellent technique for people who you see regularly, like a cashier or someone who is always at a cafe. It also relieves you of the pressure of being super flirty and charming, and you could just have normal conversation and let the charm come through naturally.

That's what I meant, but it sounds like you got it down quite well.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> All I meant was that if you don't come on too strong right away, as is typical with a cold approach where you may never otherwise see the girl again, and then save that strong come on for another time, she won't be expecting it as much and therefore it'll be more exciting for her (the exception being waiting forever, when you're already friend-zoned). I think it's an excellent technique for people who you see regularly, like a cashier or someone who is always at a cafe. It also relieves you of the pressure of being super flirty and charming, and you could just have normal conversation and let the charm come through naturally.
> 
> That's what I meant, but it sounds like you got it down quite well.


That is really nice to hear. I tend to come off strong ASAP so I don't string anyone along. But I'm going to try things this way. Talk to her a few more times then ask her out


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> nothing now, its been 3 weeks since my last date, quit online dating, nothing happend in real life. been home most of the time, thinking about what to do next


Why, go talk to some girls IRL, of course! Do what you did online; only, IRL. Just give it a go and get your feet wet.

No need for perfection. The less perfect you are usually the better because it is more natural and you're likely not hung up on BS thoughts. Perfectionism when it comes to meeting girls is unnecessary because there are too many variables to begin with; you cannot manage them all and be perfect. If you try to be perfect you will have a more difficult time, ironically.

See girl; talk to girl; move interaction forward (get number/ask for date).


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I meet girls at work or at stores.My friend talks to strangers like she's known them for years. I mimic that attribute about her when I meet a girl I'm interested in. Instead of letting anxiety get in the way, I get anxiety out of the way. Sometimes I even the girl know I'm a little nervous she'll reply positively which gives me extra confidence to make my move.


You definitely sound like you know what you're doing! I like the thinking behind this! This is solid imo. Kudos


----------



## pete24

That overseas girl has really got all my focus on her.

She was the 1 that messaged me on a dating site, for the last week or so we have been skype chatting every night with video and audio. Such an attractive girl who has ticked more boxes at this point than any other girl I have dated or been with. We are suited in so many ways.

Problem for now is distance, shes finishing off her study's and working part time, however for now we are having daily chat's on skype and sending each other gifts in the post for halloween, xmas and other holiday seasons.

I think we could have a lot of time visiting each other but it's just about saving cash up, we have agreed to not date or look for anyone else


----------



## Zeeshan

So i added this girl on Linkedin, who i went on a date with once in college. It didnt go any further, dont remember the exact detail of whether i asked her out again or not. 

Anyhow i just connected and messaged her, and she replied. Anyways i was thinking about asking her for her number, but when i googled her name, she has an instagram with a pic of a guy who appears to be her boyfriend. Well they have a pic together, anyhow should i still ask her if she wants to get together for her coffee or is this guy surely her BF. Well the pic has her with her hand on this guys shoulder, could be or could be not

What do you guys think, ask for her number anyways, or let it go.


----------



## SilentLyric

deleted my pof/okc because the feels of being a loser hit me last night. the feels of being pathetic for thinking you are deserving of love. the feels of other people laughing if they found out you had a profile. the feels when girls who see your profile would never message.

those feels.

I'm still talking to a girl from OKC on Skype, but who cares, it won't go anywhere. she says we also have to be just friends first before we even try a relationship because she's still hurt by her ex. so that's cool. not.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So i added this girl on Linkedin, who i went on a date with once in college. It didnt go any further, dont remember the exact detail of whether i asked her out again or not.
> 
> Anyhow i just connected and messaged her, and she replied. Anyways i was thinking about asking her for her number, but when i googled her name, she has an instagram with a pic of a guy who appears to be her boyfriend. Well they have a pic together, anyhow should i still ask her if she wants to get together for her coffee or is this guy surely her BF. Well the pic has her with her hand on this guys shoulder, could be or could be not
> 
> What do you guys think, ask for her number anyways, or let it go.


So i messeged her we should get a cup of coffee and catch ups sometime, lets see what she says


----------



## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> deleted my pof/okc because the feels of being a loser hit me last night. the feels of being pathetic for thinking you are deserving of love. the feels of other people laughing if they found out you had a profile. the feels when girls who see your profile would never message.
> 
> those feels.
> 
> I'm still talking to a girl from OKC on Skype, but who cares, it won't go anywhere. she says we also have to be just friends first before we even try a relationship because she's still hurt by her ex. so that's cool. not.


Lose the shame. What you do is no one else's business


----------



## rymo

SilentLuke said:


> deleted my pof/okc because the feels of being a loser hit me last night. the feels of being pathetic for thinking you are deserving of love. the feels of other people laughing if they found out you had a profile. the feels when girls who see your profile would never message.
> 
> those feels.
> 
> I'm still talking to a girl from OKC on Skype, but who cares, it won't go anywhere. she says we also have to be just friends first before we even try a relationship because she's still hurt by her ex. so that's cool. not.


If you keep talking to a girl as a friend that's exactly what you'll end up being. Ask her on a ****ing date, and go for a kiss. It's not what she wants, it's what you want. You want to sex that ***, so go for it!!!!!!!!!! (not rape, you know what I mean).


----------



## Brandeezy

**** dating, **** girls. **** finding a gf, **** online dating, **** pua, **** 'Game', **** this society, just **** everything and everybody. Why don't people like me, i don't understand, I try to be myself and still people treat me like a weirdo/fteak. im tired of this ****


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> **** dating, **** girls. **** finding a gf, **** online dating, **** pua, **** 'Game', **** this society, just **** everything and everybody. Why don't people like me, i don't understand, I try to be myself and still people treat me like a weirdo/fteak. im tired of this ****


Well if i remember correctly your only 5'6 which for your race is pretty bad. I am also only 5'6.5 but the average height of indians is around 5'8, where for Africans, its probably around 5'11

Whats your body fat level at. I found that women arent attracted to me when i am around the 22-25% body fat mark which i was for the last four years.

As i slimmer now around 15%, i feel like i am getting some signs of attractions. The face is the most important, and getting the fat off the face is huge. Throughout cultures attraction is tied to face as being the no.1 factor, and many university studies have shown that women are most attracted to a man when they are around 12% body fat.

Without knowing, i can tell you that can be it, but i am just guessing


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So i messeged her we should get a cup of coffee and catch ups sometime, lets see what she says


No reply message, i am guessing she has a BF as i saw in her instagram, but i figured id try anyways. She was into me before so if she was single.........but i can guess now she isnt

anyhow,


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Well if i remember correctly your only 5'6 which for your race is pretty bad. I am also only 5'6.5 but the average height of indians is around 5'8, where for Africans, its probably around 5'11
> 
> *Whats your body fat level at*. I found that women arent attracted to me when i am around the 22-25% body fat mark which i was for the last four years.
> 
> As i slimmer now around 15%, i feel like i am getting some signs of attractions. The face is the most important, and getting the fat off the face is huge. Throughout cultures attraction is tied to face as being the no.1 factor, and many university studies have shown that women are most attracted to a man when they are around 12% body fat.
> 
> Without knowing, i can tell you that can be it, but i am just guessing


I have no idea


----------



## Sourdog

Hmm just got a message on OkCupid:

Hey how's it going? Any plans for tonight? I'm Kate.

That's a new one, Now sure how to reply to that. She sent it to me yesterday and I only checked it today.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> I have no idea


Well I'm at between 14 and 15 let me tell you I get a lot of smile

Now they could just be friendly but I didn't get smiles at 23. Your face changes and becomes more masculine


----------



## kursedlife

I don't know what to do. Everything I've tried has failed.


----------



## Sourdog

Great no reply, typical.


----------



## rymo

kursedlife said:


> I don't know what to do. Everything I've tried has failed.


What have you tried?



Sourdog said:


> Great no reply, typical.


Message her back? "Hey, missed your message last night. A shame because you're absolutely adorable. I see you like ice cream, let's go grab some tonight."


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


> What have you tried?
> 
> Message her back? "Hey, missed your message last night. A shame because you're absolutely adorable. I see you like ice cream, let's go grab some tonight."


I did already, but your reply was much better than mine lol.


----------



## pete24

Still that overseas girl has my whole attention. May as well say shes my online gf. Everyday we have cammed on skype for several hours, we are finding out so much about each other. They are all good things and we both have gained feelings for each other. 

The bad part which we didnt really take into consideration is flight travel. She earns no cash while she is still studying. I don't earn very much really, but I worked it out for travel and spending money I will need at least £700 :O. That is like 4 months wages saved up.

She says she will move down here once she finishes her study's but as we all know, anything can happen, and if I wait around for a year or so for her, I could miss out on a chance with someone else.

Plus the Sh!t scary thing is the first time I go there, it will be on my own and i'll be staying at her parents with her. I will have to make a good impression and convince them that i'm a good guy and not a weirdo from the internet.... A task very hard to pull off with a girls parents in this country, let alone that far away


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Still that overseas girl has my whole attention. May as well say shes my online gf. Everyday we have cammed on skype for several hours, we are finding out so much about each other. They are all good things and we both have gained feelings for each other.
> 
> The bad part which we didnt really take into consideration is flight travel. She earns no cash while she is still studying. I don't earn very much really, but I worked it out for travel and spending money I will need at least £700 :O. That is like 4 months wages saved up.
> 
> She says she will move down here once she finishes her study's but as we all know, anything can happen, and if I wait around for a year or so for her, I could miss out on a chance with someone else.
> 
> Plus the Sh!t scary thing is the first time I go there, it will be on my own and i'll be staying at her parents with her. I will have to make a good impression and convince them that i'm a good guy and not a weirdo from the internet.... A task very hard to pull off with a girls parents in this country, let alone that far away


What country is she in


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ Congrats and good job hopefully you continue to build on that in case it doesn't work out with her.


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> What country is she in


USA


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> USA


Hmmm interesting

But why is she interested in long distance


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Hmmm interesting
> 
> But why is she interested in long distance


She completely loves England and plans to move here after she completes her studys and gets her degree. That was her plan before even chatting to me.

Then either she was looking for a guy in the UK or came across my profile by mistake. However, from reading my profile she said I seem exactly what shes after, and after what her chats she believes she was right and i'm the guy she has been looking for.

I think thats pretty good as her profile has a section saying "do not message me if:", and it has about 20 things listed that shes not after in a guy. A lot of the things she puts eliminates most guys right away... but she was the one to message me first.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> She completely loves England and plans to move here after she completes her studys and gets her degree. That was her plan before even chatting to me.
> 
> Then either she was looking for a guy in the UK or came across my profile by mistake. However, from reading my profile she said I seem exactly what shes after, and after what her chats she believes she was right and i'm the guy she has been looking for.
> 
> I think thats pretty good as her profile has a section saying "do not message me if:", and it has about 20 things listed that shes not after in a guy. A lot of the things she puts eliminates most guys right away... but she was the one to message me first.


All right bro if u like it go for it.

I'm always suspicious BC brown girls from Europe and states and India try to chat me up but I know its BC they want DAT passport you know what I'm saying


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> All right bro if u like it go for it.
> 
> I'm always suspicious BC brown girls from Europe and states and India try to chat me up but I know its BC they want DAT passport you know what I'm saying


Yeah mate, I dig that. Gotta be on the lookout for people in certain countries. Also people who try scamming from overseas, sod them


----------



## Jesuszilla

Jesuszilla said:


> Met a very extroverted and eccentric girl. What I like about girls like her is that she's so talkative and says so many things that its easy for me to continue talking. She seems like the type that gets overly excited for things which is okay. She was a blast to talk to so I hope this goes somewhere.
> 
> The only mistake I may have made was that I never complimented or flirted with her so I don't think she knows I'm interested. I have to make a move when I talk to her.


Today we hung out and it was like I haven't done a thing with my SA. I was quiet, nervous, I was talking kind of low because I thought people were listening on our conversations. I felt like a real bore. I did little no flirting. All while being asked if I'm okay which made my anxiety even worse.

It felt like nothing went right with her. As we left I just couldn't help but beat myself up.

Today was bad it reminded me of my first date ever years ago that had me scared to approach women until this year. Where I basically had selective mutism. Unable to talk just nodding in silence. And the girl's reaction which made me feel so pathetic I couldn't dream of dating until I found out about SA and started to make changes. But sadly it seems as if those changes were moot.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Today we hung out and it was like I haven't done a thing with my SA. I was quiet, nervous, I was talking kind of low because I thought people were listening on our conversations. I felt like a real bore. I did little no flirting. All while being asked if I'm okay which made my anxiety even worse.
> 
> It felt like nothing went right with her. As we left I just couldn't help but beat myself up.
> 
> Today was bad it reminded me of my first date ever years ago that had me scared to approach women until this year. Where I basically had selective mutism. Unable to talk just nodding in silence. And the girl's reaction which made me feel so pathetic I couldn't dream of dating until I found out about SA and started to make changes. But sadly it seems as if those changes were moot.


Progress is not a straight line, infact nothing in life is a straight line, its like 2 steps forward and one steps back. sometimes its even three steps back, you never know


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Today we hung out and it was like I haven't done a thing with my SA. I was quiet, nervous, I was talking kind of low because I thought people were listening on our conversations. I felt like a real bore. I did little no flirting. All while being asked if I'm okay which made my anxiety even worse.
> 
> It felt like nothing went right with her. As we left I just couldn't help but beat myself up.
> 
> Today was bad it reminded me of my first date ever years ago that had me scared to approach women until this year. Where I basically had selective mutism. Unable to talk just nodding in silence. And the girl's reaction which made me feel so pathetic I couldn't dream of dating until I found out about SA and started to make changes. But sadly it seems as if those changes were moot.


Today I feel like ****. I feel like how I felt when I was a teenager. I feel like much hasn't changed. And I look back during that time, and really, nothing much HAS changed... but, at least today I don't let little knocks turn me over and flip me around. I see those knocks and I see how I can easily get pushed back where I was; who I was. The difference from me then to now is now I don't let life's knocks dictate where I am going in life. The realization of how fast my life has moved along and the realization of how little I've accomplished has come to fruition, but ultimately I decide how I want to view where I'm at. Do I sulk and ***** and complain? Should I be saddened by it all? In the grand scheme of things, things are chaotic and meant to be in entropy. Is it sad? Or is it beautiful? Are we unlucky to be here? Or are we lucky to be alive? You decide who you are by the actions you make. Doesn't mean you wake up one day and things are peachy, but you realize that life isn't always peachy and you see it and move forward anyway because you know it's best for you. You're on the right track. We all adapt and change and pushing against that stagnant resistance makes you stronger in the end. Whoop


----------



## justlistening

As a way to put myself out there I volunteer every Wednesday (8-9pm) and Saturday (4-5pm) at our local Surra de Bunda dance class because most come without a dance partner.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Progress is not a straight line, infact nothing in life is a straight line, its like 2 steps forward and one steps back. sometimes its even three steps back, you never know


I agree. Its something I have to remind myself. It has been a while since I felt like that...nearly incompetent almost childlike. "Why are you so quiet?" is like an unanswered paradox for me. I just freeze up in silence.



bwidger85 said:


> Today I feel like ****. I feel like how I felt when I was a teenager. I feel like much hasn't changed. And I look back during that time, and really, nothing much HAS changed... but, at least today I don't let little knocks turn me over and flip me around. I see those knocks and I see how I can easily get pushed back where I was; who I was. The difference from me then to now is now I don't let life's knocks dictate where I am going in life. The realization of how fast my life has moved along and the realization of how little I've accomplished has come to fruition, but ultimately I decide how I want to view where I'm at. Do I sulk and ***** and complain? Should I be saddened by it all? In the grand scheme of things, things are chaotic and meant to be in entropy. Is it sad? Or is it beautiful? Are we unlucky to be here? Or are we lucky to be alive? * You decide who you are by the actions you make. Doesn't mean you wake up one day and things are peachy, but you realize that life isn't always peachy and you see it and move forward anyway because you know it's best for you.* You're on the right track. We all adapt and change and pushing against that stagnant resistance makes you stronger in the end. Whoop


As usual, I appreciate the words of wisdom. I know things aren't going to be 100% perfect, I however thought I was "over" being as anxious as I was with the girl.


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm bodybuilding they have something called muscle memory. Basically you regain the same level of muscle in a quarter of the time if you lose it

Everything is like that


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm going to call a girl today. This girl from pod who I only exchanged a few messages with gave me her number and asked me to call.

I think its a big progress that I can pick up the phone and call a girl whos number I only have without alcohol. I used to be really afraid of it


----------



## Sourdog

The girl I was messaging is in a open relationship lol. All she wants is sex with random guys (obviously) lol. Im not sure how I feel about this. I'd definitely consider it.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> The girl I was messaging is in a open relationship lol. All she wants is sex with random guys (obviously) lol. Im not sure how I feel about this. I'd definitely consider it.


Ain't that something


----------



## Zeeshan

One of my exes took time to message me how she met an amazing guy

Like why would I care. The thought of her disgusts me now anyways.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> One of my exes took time to message me how she met an amazing guy
> 
> Like why would I care. The thought of her disgusts me now anyways.


How long have you guys been split? It seems pretty petty to do what she did.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> How long have you guys been split? It seems pretty petty to do what she did.


Nah don't even care

Losers gonna lose


----------



## huh

Went on my third date with a girl this weekend. It went good and we both had a lot of fun. We watched some horror movies on Netflix and ordered some food  We're already planing going out again this week. We both live a little further away then I'd like, but I don't mind driving a little ways to see her, she's a great person. We are both similar in that we are shy/awkward, but we are fine when we are together.


----------



## nothing else

For me I'm a realist. So I try and focus on things I know are plausible such as having a decent career. It's not being pessimistic but I'm really not 'date' material so I can't do anything to really change that. I can't force people to like me in that sort of way. But I'm trying now to at least develop deeper friendships with people.


----------



## bsd3355

nothing else said:


> For me I'm a realist. So I try and focus on things I know are plausible such as having a decent career. It's not being pessimistic but I'm really not 'date' material so I can't do anything to really change that. I can't force people to like me in that sort of way. But I'm trying now to at least develop deeper friendships with people.


Good careers are probably more iffy than finding a girlfriend. You have a better chance of getting a girlfriend you like than landing a good career, or you put less effort into getting a girlfriend than getting a good career. The only thing, we choose to put more effort into our careers than finding a girlfriend, but that's just my opinion. When you are in college, how hard do you work to get a good gpa? To be competitive? It takes years and sacrifice in an economy that is iffy right now. If we put the same work ethic into finding a girlfriend we would all be in decent shape.


----------



## Zeeshan

I'm having trouble calling this girl. She said she doesn't want to text 

Was gonna call now but anxiety acting up


----------



## ravens

bwidger85 said:


> Good careers are probably more iffy than finding a girlfriend. You have a better chance of getting a girlfriend you like than landing a good career, or you put less effort into getting a girlfriend than getting a good career. The only thing, we choose to put more effort into our careers than finding a girlfriend, but that's just my opinion. When you are in college, how hard do you work to get a good gpa? To be competitive? It takes years and sacrifice in an economy that is iffy right now. If we put the same work ethic into finding a girlfriend we would all be in decent shape.


At least with a good career you might not have to worry that much about money. I've never had either a good career or a girlfriend.


----------



## bsd3355

My day off was today. Woke up after getting some good sleep and figured it'd be a waste not to go collect more numbers from campus. Only probably is, Sundays are dead on campus, but I went anyway. I talked to one girl who got off the bus and started walking toward my direction. Opened asking for directions. She didn't know where a building was so I just cut the **** and told her she was cute and asked her name, etc (something I should be doing more often). It was a short conversation but I was to the point and asked if she had a boyfriend and she said the typical response, "well, kind of". I asked if she texted. She said yes. I asked if I could text her and she said it probably wasn't a good idea. Happy about it regardless though because I need to be getting to the point more often. If a girl is interested it doesn't matter what you say most the time, so being honest and direct is the best way to go. 

Plan on going out either tomorrow or tuesday. I still want to practice being direct and honest. I've also noticed I am holding back approaching in front of this one building where I dated this one girl who used to go there. It is an arts building and it is like a garage-type opening in it where they work on ceramics, and I was in there one time with her and you could see everything outside. I am paranoid she is in there watching me or something lol. Need to cut that from my mind because it's pointless and it is in an area where lots of people are.

The other two numbers I had were showing signs of flaking by not responding to texts so I just deleted their numbers.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> At least with a good career you might not have to worry that much about money. I've never had either a good career or a girlfriend.


Yeah, that's true. But it doesn't mean you should stop working on trying to get a good job just because you want to also have a girlfriend. It doesn't stop anyone else. I just was pointing out that both things take work and sacrifice of time and energy AND rejection and uncertainty.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I'm having trouble calling this girl. She said she doesn't want to text
> 
> Was gonna call now but anxiety acting up


Aw man, you know how to handle this situation 

That anxious feeling is normal sometimes


----------



## ravens

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, that's true. But it doesn't mean you should stop working on trying to get a good job just because you want to also have a girlfriend. It doesn't stop anyone else. I just was pointing out that both things take work and sacrifice of time and energy AND rejection and uncertainty.


Yeah. I should have went to college instead of going to work with my father. I would have had a better chance of getting a better job than I the one I had. Also trying to get a girlfriend instead of wanting to but being so nervous to ever do it.


----------



## bsd3355

huh said:


> Went on my third date with a girl this weekend. It went good and we both had a lot of fun. We watched some horror movies on Netflix and ordered some food  We're already planing going out again this week. We both live a little further away then I'd like, but I don't mind driving a little ways to see her, she's a great person. We are both similar in that we are shy/awkward, but we are fine when we are together.


Hell yeah. Sounds like things are going well for you. Hopefully this turns into something more long-term if that is what you are looking for.


----------



## bsd3355

ravens said:


> Yeah. I should have went to college instead of going to work with my father. I would have had a better chance of getting a better job than I the one I had. Also trying to get a girlfriend instead of wanting to but being so nervous to ever do it.


That's understandable. But better late than never!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Aw man, you know how to handle this situation
> 
> That anxious feeling is normal sometimes


Yeah


----------



## nothing else

bwidger85 said:


> Good careers are probably more iffy than finding a girlfriend. You have a better chance of getting a girlfriend you like than landing a good career, or you put less effort into getting a girlfriend than getting a good career. The only thing, we choose to put more effort into our careers than finding a girlfriend, but that's just my opinion. When you are in college, how hard do you work to get a good gpa? To be competitive? It takes years and sacrifice in an economy that is iffy right now. If we put the same work ethic into finding a girlfriend we would all be in decent shape.


I was meaning for myself specifically. I've always been dedicated to education and hopefully my job will be decent (when I say decent I mean that I won't end up living on the streets in a cardboard box).

It's not really about putting effort into meeting somebody, for me it's just not possible to meet people.


----------



## kursedlife

rymo said:


> What have you tried?
> 
> Message her back? "Hey, missed your message last night. A shame because you're absolutely adorable. I see you like ice cream, let's go grab some tonight."


What have I tried? Internet dating, bars, nightclubs, libraries, bookstores. I always end up wasting my time.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah


I gave up and ended up texting


----------



## SilentLyric

giving up for now

I don't like the girl I'm talking to on skype, will proceed to probably ignore because if I tell her I don't like her she'll have a fit. The other girls I was talking to have ignored me. I screwed up a possible friends with benefits.

also I just suck so no reason for a girl to be attracted to me.


----------



## Sourdog

Nvm i'm not going to to that random sex encounter on okcupid, it's just too sketchy.


----------



## rymo

Went to a Halloween party this past weekend. Had a lot of fun. But one thing bothered me a lot...and is still bothering me. There was one girl I was planning on talking to, decently attractive, nice smile. I wasn't dead set on her or anything, felt like it wouldn't have been a big deal if I didn't talk to her. I was just trying to have a good time.

Then suddenly one of my friend's friends strolls over and starts dancing with her. Smooth. He was very cool about it. Played it calm for an hour or so. Didn't overdo it. Just a good smile, calm confidence. Good-looking guy as well.

It immediately annoyed the **** out of me. Even as a relatively successful guy when it comes to dating, I could immediately identify someone who was more cool, confident, and collected than me with women (and in general, based on his conversation skills from before that moment). I think the thing that really set me off was that he's a really good guy too. Really friendly, really cool, not douchey at all. It's not often I see a guy in real life who I think, "Damn. That's what I want to be like." And apparently it just really gets me green with envy.

I have very wavering confidence when it comes to women. Sometimes it's high, sometimes it's low. But it's always low in most other circumstances. So to see a more complete version of what I want for myself...it enraged me. I realize as I'm typing this that these feelings have _absolutely_ nothing to do with the girl. It would be pathetic in that case, but it's even more pathetic to be like this about a guy. Why can't I see a guy like that and just take notes and improve myself?

I dunno. This doesn't happen very often, so maybe I'm not that used to it. Maybe I just need to get out more. Stop wallowing and just keep pushing to be what I want to be.

On a positive note, I went to the store with someone and they helped me pick out a whole bunch of clothes. I've never really had any style, so I think this will really help my confidence. Just wearing a bunch of **** that actually complements how I look, and isn't just a mish-mosh of random stuff. I may be becoming a hipster.


----------



## bsd3355

^^
I know the feeling. Fuel for the fire? I'm interested in what it is exactly you want to improve yourself on?


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ^^
> I know the feeling. Fuel for the fire? I'm interested in what it is exactly you want to improve yourself on?


1. Be confident enough to have a conversation in a group. If there are more than 2 people around, I usually start off okay but quickly turn into a mute as my brain starts melting more and more with each passing minute.

2. Need to relax. Especially with women. I have this inner need for validation because of my terrible time with #1, and getting girls is a way to sate it. Temporarily. But it's not a long-term solution.

3. Just stop second-guessing myself. Just once I would love to have a normal, fun social interaction with people that lasts more than 2 minutes, at which time I usually run away or run out of things to say.

I've gotten good at talking to girls and flirting, because there is a procedure to it. It's a learn thing. But being natural and conversational in general just seems impossible to me. At 27, I just can't deal with this anymore. It's getting so unbelievably frustrating.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> 1. Be confident enough to have a conversation in a group. If there are more than 2 people around, I usually start off okay but quickly turn into a mute as my brain starts melting more and more with each passing minute.
> 
> 2. Need to relax. Especially with women. I have this inner need for validation because of my terrible time with #1, and getting girls is a way to sate it. Temporarily. But it's not a long-term solution.
> 
> 3. Just stop second-guessing myself. Just once I would love to have a normal, fun social interaction with people that lasts more than 2 minutes, at which time I usually run away or run out of things to say.
> 
> I've gotten good at talking to girls and flirting, because there is a procedure to it. It's a learn thing. But being natural and conversational in general just seems impossible to me. At 27, I just can't deal with this anymore. It's getting so unbelievably frustrating.


If you really want to converse with the people around you then social momentum works in the sense that you build up your social lube by starting off feeling resistance then it just flows after a while. Talk to everyone and anyone you see around you in a context you want to be social. Keep that sociability up and you will see that after 10 minutes or so you will be right where you need to be. We are adaptable and this kind of thing DOES work. Your mind wants to be lazy but once you get that momentum going you begin to enjoy it and before long you are very social and you are enjoying being social. You may have a prob with building up momentum, as I do in certain situations. You simply take the plunge and start swimming and it gets easy after a bit.


----------



## euphoria04

This is something I've been wondering; should I even bother trying to approach women if I have zero friends? Or would that be an immediate turnoff? Should I work on building a social circle and then worry about women?


----------



## Zeeshan

euphoria04 said:


> This is something I've been wondering; should I even bother trying to approach women if I have zero friends? Or would that be an immediate turnoff? Should I work on building a social circle and then worry about women?


It honestly doesnt matter looks are far more important

Facial looks pretty much outweigh everything else


----------



## wildinthestreets

Half the problem is not knowing _what the hell to do._ Despite my every effort, I just can't seem to meet anyone like me.


----------



## Jesuszilla

euphoria04 said:


> This is something I've been wondering; should I even bother trying to approach women if I have zero friends? Or would that be an immediate turnoff? Should I work on building a social circle and then worry about women?


Most of us here has no friends or a few friends. It doesn't matter that much


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> 1. Be confident enough to have a conversation in a group. If there are more than 2 people around, I usually start off okay but quickly turn into a mute as my brain starts melting more and more with each passing minute.
> 
> 2. Need to relax. Especially with women. I have this inner need for validation because of my terrible time with #1, and getting girls is a way to sate it. Temporarily. But it's not a long-term solution.
> 
> 3. Just stop second-guessing myself. Just once I would love to have a normal, fun social interaction with people that lasts more than 2 minutes, at which time I usually run away or run out of things to say.
> 
> I've gotten good at talking to girls and flirting, because there is a procedure to it. It's a learn thing. But being natural and conversational in general just seems impossible to me. At 27, I just can't deal with this anymore. It's getting so unbelievably frustrating.


Damn rymo, that's exactly what I want to improve on too.


----------



## bsd3355

euphoria04 said:


> This is something I've been wondering; should I even bother trying to approach women if I have zero friends? Or would that be an immediate turnoff? Should I work on building a social circle and then worry about women?


It does not matter. If she is a social type then and she likes you then you'll meet all her friends likely anyway, so there's your awesome "friends" right there.


----------



## Brandeezy

Just messaged this girl who I think is from Atlanta (Her username suggests it). I hope she replies since we have a lot in common but I doubt it


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Just messaged this girl who I think is from Atlanta (Her username suggests it). I hope she replies but I doubt it


Lol good luck


----------



## RelinquishedHell

wildinthestreets said:


> Half the problem is not knowing _what the hell to do._ Despite my every effort, I just can't seem to meet anyone like me.


I know how that is. Every fiber of me just wants to call it quits with the whole dating thing. It has been nothing but a hell deal.


----------



## Zeeshan

RelinquishedHell said:


> I know how that is. Every fiber of me just wants to call it quits with the whole dating thing. It has been nothing but a hell deal.


Well if your going through hell you better keep going


----------



## arnie

rymo said:


> It immediately annoyed the **** out of me. Even as a *relatively successful guy when it comes to dating*, I could immediately identify someone who was more cool, confident, and collected than me with women (and in general, based on his conversation skills from before that moment). I think the thing that really set me off was that he's a really good guy too. Really friendly, really cool, not douchey at all. It's not often I see a guy in real life who I think, "Damn. That's what I want to be like." And apparently it just really gets me green with envy.


Just how many women do you need to ask out to be happy? Are you shooting for a high score?


----------



## rymo

arnie said:


> Just how many women do you need to ask out to be happy? Are you shooting for a high score?


Read the posts after that one, Arnold. I have no interest in hitting some number.

Not that I would intentionally limit myself anyway, as a single guy. I fail to see any point in that.


----------



## bsd3355

*College approaches; 3 numbers*

Want to dedicate more time into this again and take action. I made it a long-term goal of mine recently, so you'll likely be hearing more updates from me. I am busy, but I'm going to try and make the time to go out as much as possible.

Went to local campus; got 3 numbers today from 3 approaches. As I've said before, my goal is to be as honest and upfront with the girls lately. Every girl I approached I said they were "pretty" or "cute". I like to open indirectly then go into direct. I am somewhat shocked at how well the girls took it, which means I am negatively thinking that by saying that to a girl I never met would cause a bad reaction. I've done this a lot, and I am still learning.

Meeting people seems to be something you can't clearly out into "x,y" categories. Everyone is different; every mood is different; every guy who asks is different; different ways of going about it, etc., etc. What matters is that you try and move things forward. I sometimes wonder what makes a girl give a bad reaction (i.e. bad looks, bad attitude, nasty expressions, etc.), and I have put more focus on that lately. Once again, there are lots of reasons for this, but if you are a nice person and coming across as yourself and honest, then you are not really warranting any reason for her to act that way, unless you blatantly and arrogantly interrupted her while she was doing something. So with that said, you have to expect some girls are just going to be negative and give bad reactions. You cannot expect girls to always be nice. Sometimes it is your approach because you come off weird, and so in that case the best way to combat that is to be sincere with how you feel and don't put on ANY acts and you will come off sincere to the girl, whether your sincerity is shy, confident, etc., it does not matter; what matters is that the girl does not feel like you are trying to pull a "fast one" over her eyes. Girls are very receptive to what is going on like anyone else, so if you are getting bad reactions that is caused by you then you are likely not being sincere with how you feel or who you are. Do not put on acts because you are afraid girls do not like "shy", because when you try to act confident when you are not there will be a lack of congruence in your expressions and it will be iffy. If you accept your "state" for where you are and you approach and you do not put on any acts, are honest and not an ******* then there really is not reason for the girl to be mad at you. If you know you did nothing wrong, then it is the girl's prerogative to be that way, and it was nothing you did wrong.

Anyway...

So going direct today went well for me and the girls were nice. The first girl I stopped and went direct on stopped and participated in the conversation; so did the other two. The last girl I really liked; was an art student; knowledgeable (told me about Picasso being a man-***** [didn't know that]); seemed very expressive and I'd really like to see her again. Even after I got her number and told her the reason I got her number was because I thought she was pretty she still hung around and talked to me. Being direct is definitely the way to go, and I think it clears up a lot of questions as to why you are talking to them in the first place which in turn eases any questioning into acceptance: "Oh, this is why he is talking to me. He just told me. OK, I understand now. He seems like a nice guy. I don't have a problem chatting with him." If you go indirect you may often get, "Uh, why is this guy chatting me up? Why does he keep asking me questions? And why has he stopped me of all people?...maybe he is hiding something? He seems suspicious." So being direct clears all ambiguity.

Essentially, what learning to meet women teaches you is that there is no need to be anything but yourself, be honest and it is usually the best way to go. It will also reward you, as I mentioned in the sense of her realizing you are being nice and sincere rather than suspicious.


----------



## rymo

^ Nice job. During the day, being direct is absolutely the way to go. It's unexpected and flattering. I'm starting to wonder about night though. I have always been better at approaching during the day, because my energy level is a lot lower than most people and I feel more comfortable when my surroundings match that. I'm also usually in a better mood during the day, because historically I would have nothing to do at night and it would depress me. Anyway, at night (for the most part, like at a bar or a party), you not only have to have a higher energy level, but I'm starting to think being direct isn't always the best way to go.

Maybe this only applies to a place like a house party, but here goes: I'm still hung up on this last weekend - the whole situation with that guy who was better than me, but also what happened afterwards. I ran into a really cute girl and we started chatting. Shortly after, she asked me to dance. Perfect timing, as Notorious Thugs was playijng and I got to recite the lyrics :O We danced and talked for a little while, my beer was starting to foam over and she even grabbed it from me and drank some of it...and then all of a sudden, she says, "I have to get more beer," and walks away. I knew she was gone for good, and I was right.

Normally I wouldn't have cared so much, but I had already been upset about the other thing (unjustifiably so), and I was just getting really worked up. I wondered what I did wrong, and the only things I could come up with were: not being that interesting (was talking but didn't say anything all that great), and being too touchy-feely...too direct...too presumptious. My energy level was pretty good (a rare occurrence), but I maybe came off as too needy. Trying to grind with her, leaning in too much, talking too fast, just..not playing it cool.

In stark contrast to the creepiness I was exhibiting, the guy I was so jealoius of was standing up straight the whole time, had great eye contact with his girl, didn't overdo anything. You could tell he didn't have a care in the world except having a good time, and that even if nothing happened with his chick, he would be just fine. Slow, deliberate movements. When he needed to say something, he would lean in slowly. He probably saved the "you're adorable" line for much later...because at night there's no need to do it right away. That's what EVERY guy does at night, being direct right away does nothing to separate you from the crowd. Much better to start off cool, calm and collected and then use that card later. Yes, you want to be fun and having a good time, but there is no need to put on a show for a girl.

I feel like my brain has been slowly warping the last few weeks and this weekend was the icing on the cake. What kills me is that if that other guy were in my exact situation, he would have sealed the deal. It would have been all good. It ****ing TEARS me up inside. And it's because outside of dating I have no social ability, I have no ability to have a good time with friends or anything like that. That guy can be calm because he has plenty of friends and things going on besides talking to girls. This is pretty much all I have. It's my validation. I don't want it to be, I've been working so hard for it not to be, but nothing seems to be working. I don't think I've felt this hopeless and frustrated in years.

/blog/rant/ignore me


----------



## bsd3355

Rymo, I was a little confused at first about your intentions and why you were upset. You made it sound like you weren't really interested in doing anything with the girl or moving things forward, so I was a little confused what your frustration was coming from. After reading your last post about the situation it makes a little more sense to me--you actually DID want something from the interaction, so this clearly was not "I don't care" type of thing. You care about something, obviously.

We all know that the guy you watched dancing with the girl didn't just one day wake up and was that way, and that confidence is something that is usually earned. We also know that confidence can be taken away just as quickly because it's fluid. You don't know how many times this guy goes out, who he hangs out with per say, or even what he considers himself to be. All you saw was him dancing with some girl and looking confident. So what? You know you can do the same. 

Once again, the momentum thing could be an issue (not really getting into the vibe enough; working yourself up a bit more and becoming more fluid in that instance). The thing with the girl walking away could of happened because she didn't know what else to do or because she didn't know how to re-approach; she could of got distracted; she could of just wanted to dance and have fun and that was it. You can't expect a girl to hang around if you aren't doing anything to keep her there, especially off the first impression. Even if that was the case, it doesn't matter. Just keep talking to more people. You could of easily went back over to the girl and started where you left off. There really wasn't an issue expect the issue that you are holding a certain personal criteria for yourself and being hard on yourself.

Lower the bar. People in bars are often retarded because they lower the bar and just let go and have fun. The go with their friends and talk and talk and dance and drink and by the end of the night their momentum is so high they unconsciously switch from "normal" mode into party mode. You can do the same but you have to lower the bar from the beginning, stop expecting so much gold to spew from inside of you onto people and build momentum. It isn't that you are different from that guy dancing, it is just that he probably lowered the bar, dropped a certain level of expectation, let go and didn't have a care in the world. You can switch into that mode any time you'd like to but you need to practice. Initial resistance is usually the highest to overcome when you are in an analytical state, but that is changed by momentum, and it helps to at first lower the bar and basically do stupid **** and say whatever on your mind and do not be outcome dependent (i.e. I am going to approach/dance with these girls and I'm doing it NOT to get a reaction from them but to pump my own state and start to enjoy myself).

I think going direct in a bar works probably better than daytime instances but this is one of those things that doesn't really matter. What matters is how you come across and how you feel about it. The argument over indirect or direct being better isn't set in stone and depends on the person. For me, indirect or direct works better for which ever feels more congruent to how I feel atm, and that can change. Bars I feel much more comfortable going direct because it seems more awkward that I came all the way across the room to chat with some girls at a table for no particular reason but to say I thought they were cute and I wanted to chat, but that's me.

I also want to say that this may seem like a lot of work (momentum), but it really isn't if you let go and go to a bar the same reason most people go to a bar: to let go. Don't expect so much at the beginning and try to have fun and you will loosen up and things will be much more smooth and natural. Make sure to talk to that girl, guy, group of people, but instead of wanting something to work a certain way or you projecting a certain thing, do it because you want to have fun and loosen up (trying to enjoy yourself). Later, when your state matched the environment then you can go on a hurricane spree and own the house. It isn't complicated, but it is just a change of action and perspective.

Put the focus on enjoying yourself rather than trying to garner a reaction. Later, things will be in your favor. Putting attention on enjoying yourself does not mean go over int he corner and watch people. Obviously, you must participate but from a different perspective, one of having to entertain yourself.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rymo I think you will find that we are terrible at perceiving others mood

You might have seen this guy as cool comfortable and careless but inside he maybe feeling different. 

Bwidger you are always an inspiration on this thread.


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways I will continue to post on online dating since I can't be a superstar like bwidger

I didn't even try but ended up getting 2 girls numbers this weekend. Which is fine. I have mobile so whatever

This girl gives me her no. And tells me to call. I text BC I couldn't call out of nerves. She then reitirates through bbm that she much prefers to talk on the phone. After a few drinks today I finally work up the nerve she says she is on the other line and will call back. Doesn't call back. Why did she even bother picking up. She pretended she didn't know who was calling yet we've texted. Who texts without adding no. to contact ? Tomorrow I'm going to text her and call her on it.

The other girl I've been texting a lot she seems like fun but maybe I've lost her as well

Two cute skinny girls. Pissed off as ever.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ...


Thanks dude. Letting loose is my problem. I could sort of feel what you were talking about for a second there, and man did it feel like a dream. I guess that's how normal people feel when they go out. Lucky *******s ;O

Unfortunately, I am so down on myself from the get-go that even when things start off well or continue to go well, if something doesn't go 100% smoothly at any point afterwards my brain just starts going into hyperdrive...picking apart my psyche by the second.

It's unimaginable how much progress I've made, but that's the thing - all the work I've done and I'm still not quite there. It's pretty frustrating. But you're right. Got to, got to, got to just stop caring and push through the pain and try to have a good time, no matter what.


----------



## chhsadshajfgh

Not much.

So I have nothing to complain about I guess


----------



## Sourdog

Ugh, been talking to this girl on POF and she wants to talk on Skype now. I'm sooo awkward, i'm not sure if I can do this. Last time I talked to someone after texting it was awkward as hell, my mind went totally blank. Though that was back in grade 11 and my anxiety is a bit better now.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Thanks dude. Letting loose is my problem. I could sort of feel what you were talking about for a second there, and man did it feel like a dream. I guess that's how normal people feel when they go out. Lucky *******s ;O
> 
> Unfortunately, I am so down on myself from the get-go that even when things start off well or continue to go well, if something doesn't go 100% smoothly at any point afterwards my brain just starts going into hyperdrive...picking apart my psyche by the second.
> 
> It's unimaginable how much progress I've made, but that's the thing - all the work I've done and I'm still not quite there. It's pretty frustrating. But you're right. Got to, got to, got to just stop caring and push through the pain and try to have a good time, no matter what.


Of course always easier said than done  But you seem like the type to get it handled eventually. I just wanted to kind of point out that you really aren't that different from any other person in that venue. All you see is social people out and about and you forget all those other people who don't go out and hate bars. Those "social people" are just like everyone else, but it is just a change in perspective. Sometimes you say that you don't feel developed enough as who you are, but maybe you are already developed but you just don't know how to express it. But you're not the only one, everyone else on this forum is "developed" enough but it's a perspective thing. I could go on about it but that would be another page of writing so I'll leave it there. From the looks of things, you seem to be missing a few tweaks here and there, and a lot of that is probably just accepting yourself as you are; seeing that you are already enough; and lowering the expectation bar. Those are just guesses on my part; I don't really know you that well. Good to see you venting and getting that **** out. We all get frustrated and **** up, but that's what makes us grow faster than anyone else. getting frustrated is a good thing sometimes.


----------



## bsd3355

Have coffee date set up tomorrow around 6pm-7ish tomorrow with one of the girls I approached yesterday. The artsy girl I liked seems to be showing signs of flaking. The second girl I approached was a foreign exchange student and not really sure what is happening there. All three girls I was direct on the approach and all three I asked for a "coffee date" to make it very clear of my intentions, so tomorrow is definitely a date, for sure (she knows that; I know that).

I've come to realize girls still flake a lot after first dates, so I am consciously aware that it's a strong possibility. Most of my dates have flaked lately after the first date. I do well with it though, and I treat it like number flakes. I'm going to try and see if she wants to meet up for a beer instead but not sure if she is of age yet.

Tomorrow I also plan on talking to more girls. I have decided to make this a long-term thing for a while. I will try to treat it like a schedule (same as work, school and working out). There will be many updates coming.

Annnndddd.....I plan on going out solo to bars starting this week. I'm going to take my own advice I gave to rymo and try to incorporate that a bit into going out to the bars. I'm actually pretty excited about it.


----------



## rymo

^ Nice dude. Good luck. This is a good week to start with, Halloween and all.


----------



## nothing else

Joined a dating site. A few actually. Probably was on them for about 3 years. Sent maybe over 200 messages in that time frame. Didn't get any interested responses. Wow that says a lot. I'm such a sad case. Damn.


----------



## pete24

Things are getting closer to meeting the online girl who lives in another country.

Theres 5 hour long skype chat's every single night, we have made such a connection that I don't think anyone else (even someone local) could top. It's all new to me though with having feelings for someone online that I have only seen through skype. Certainly isnt desperation as before her I had been getting loads of inbox messages on POF and also had my plans of going to another town, drinking and approaching women. 

Then for her, her profile was very picky as I mentioned before, she hasn't been short of date offers, and is a pretty nice looking girl so is bound to have men approaching her.... instead though she spends her afternoons and evenings on skype with me. 

Now it's just these huge steps. I didnt have a passport before, have applied for 1 now and its processing. Then I can get flights booked..... At worst I get a month long holiday. At best, I get an official relationship and guarantees that in a year or 2, we will be living together


----------



## Jesuszilla

A new beautiful redhead at work I started talking to, not feeling, too confident though so I doubt I'll make a move. Maybe if I feel better I'll change my mind. She's nice kind of goofy just how I like em and she comes from a really rich family. So...jackpot! 

A bit off topic, I think she's absolutely beautiful but other guys at work thinks she's decent "at best"  I was stunned when they said that. beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.


----------



## bsd3355

^There is this girl at work that I'm interested in too, but I hardly see her (works different shifts). I am weary about meeting girls through work. If I was to try to make something happen it would be casual, like inviting her out as a friend and getting to know her slowly because I wouldn't want to make work awkward.

There is also this redhead at my work that most people think is annoying and a ***** but I find her funny as hell, and I think she's pretty too. She's also very outgoing but I won't do anything because she has a boyfriend. For the most part, girls at my work are off limits unless I really fancy them, then I'll take it real slow from there.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I see what you mean about being weary of relationships and work. My job however is a cesspool. So I guess after being there for so long their ways are rubbing off of me where hooking up with co-workers is no big deal.

Now my job isn't like guy talk about girls, the way they talk they all just have sex with each other once they clock out. People be groping each other, opening flirting, talking dirty. There is no limit to how sexual my work place is. What's really odd is that some of them are in relationships and even married. Some of them are sick too.

The sickest thing I've seen was an x-ray tech who tried to hit on a widow the DAY she came back to work after her husband died. And...people were cheering him on like he hit on a supermodel. Just disgusting. 

Damn, I went way off topic there....

What I'm getting at is that trying to hit on other employees doesn't bother me because I'm desensitized to it for working there for so long.


----------



## RyanAdams

Nothing. When you try to daydream about a girl liking you, but you can't because you feel that is a ridiculous and unrealistic premise (and mind you, I've daydreamed about being _Batman_ on multiple occasions), that's a pretty good indicator that you should throw in the towel.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I see what you mean about being weary of relationships and work. My job however is a cesspool. So I guess after being there for so long their ways are rubbing off of me where hooking up with co-workers is no big deal.
> 
> Now my job isn't like guy talk about girls, the way they talk they all just have sex with each other once they clock out. People be groping each other, opening flirting, talking dirty. There is no limit to how sexual my work place is. What's really odd is that some of them are in relationships and even married. Some of them are sick too.
> 
> The sickest thing I've seen was an x-ray tech who tried to hit on a widow the DAY she came back to work after her husband died. And...people were cheering him on like he hit on a supermodel. Just disgusting.
> 
> Damn, I went way off topic there....
> 
> What I'm getting at is that trying to hit on other employees doesn't bother me because I'm desensitized to it for working there for so long.


Lol. Holy crap, man. I see your point! I've worked at places like that. When I worked at mcdonalds there was this girl who kept getting fired from different mcdonalds for giving guys the blow at work. She did it once when I was there (not to me, to another worker) out in the public parking lot! She got fired from the last place by doing it by the dumpster outside!


----------



## bsd3355

*Campus approaches; 3 more numbers; date*

So, just came back from campus about an hour ago. Got 3 numbers. Asked one of them out on a date and it seems good to go. The others I haven't made any dates with yet. Was more indirect today; not very direct. Went direct on one girl after going indirect. Told the girl who I asked for a a date with if she would want to go on a "coffee date", so once again, not ambiguous.

I have this problem walking around campus wasting time. I lose interest very fast and then waste an hour walking around. I have to sit down somewhere and remind myself why I'm there in the first place.

Going to stick with this and see how far it takes me.


----------



## hammerfast

I bombard them with cute postures


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> So, just came back from campus about an hour ago. Got 3 numbers. Asked one of them out on a date and it seems good to go. The others I haven't made any dates with yet. Was more indirect today; not very direct. Went direct on one girl after going indirect. Told the girl who I asked for a a date with if she would want to go on a "coffee date", so once again, not ambiguous.
> 
> I have his problem walking around campus wasting time. I lose interest very fast and then waste an hour walking around. I have to sit down somewhere and remind myself why I'm there in the first place.


How much time do you have between classes to have such a long break? Do you get more anxiety when you try to be direct?

I mostly prefer being direct because I can come off a little too friendly if I don't and girls have been surprised I was into them when I did reveal my intention. Plus the way things went down with the girl I met last week, I think I'm just going to keep being direct. Another reason I like being direct when I approach girls is that I hate flaking and being wishy washy so I don't practice it myself.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Lol. Holy crap, man. I see your point! I've worked at places like that. When I worked at mcdonalds there was this girl who kept getting fired from different mcdonalds for giving guys the blow at work. She did it once when I was there (not to me, to another worker) out in the public parking lot! She got fired from the last place by doing it by the dumpster outside!


I work the graveyard shift at a hospital so there are a lot of hiding spots if you know what I mean. I unfortunately have occasionally walked in on people making out, luckily nothing more...except groping, but they do that in the open as well.


----------



## Zeeshan

Good luck Pete glad you've found someone who makes you happy


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> How much time do you have between classes to have such a long break? Do you get more anxiety when you try to be direct?
> 
> I mostly prefer being direct because I can come off a little too friendly if I don't and girls have been surprised I was into them when I did reveal my intention. Plus the way things went down with the girl I met last week, I think I'm just going to keep being direct. Another reason I like being direct when I approach girls is that I hate flaking and being wishy washy so I don't practice it myself.


Well, the way things go, if I'm walking around campus and I see a girl I'd like to meet, I personally feel more awkward if I approach her and tell her I think she's cute off the bat, which is a direct open. I'm not saying that doesn't work, because it does. But what I do is I see a girl walking and I ask her for directions to a building she is walking toward; when she tells me, I ask her about her major, year, why she got into it, etc., etc. I also then talk about how I'm from another cams (which I am) that is farther away. After talking a bit I ask if they text. However, the problem with that is if I ask for a number under the indirect context the reason for me getting her text can be numerous and I've been on "dates" where the reason is ambiguous why we are meeting (friends? date? who knows). So every now and then I'll tell myself to be more direct. I'll usually go indirect for directions, start talking and then go direct by telling them I think they are cute and we should exchange numbers. After the number I'll text them a small bit and what I used to do a lot was ask if they wanted to grab coffee sometime, but now I ask if they want to go on a coffee _date_, to clear up any ambiguity. I find this works well so far. But it is more of a personal challenge to be direct more off the opener. I do feel more anxiety if I am direct off the opener and in my mind I often think it is just weird to "approach a girl walking around and without saying anything else say they are cute". Not sure if you can imagine that but that is what I picture it to be in my head. I've done it before and sometimes it does go weird because I feel weird about it and I come off strange and so I've learned that anything can work if you are congruent and feel OK with it.

The way my class schedule and work schedule is set up now, I make sure all my obligations are done first (homework, studying) and I have to do it earlier in the morning because after 5 the campus tends to go dead as everyone is leaving; also, I have classes starting in mid to late afternoon. I just find gaps between my work and class schedule and set time to go to the "local campus" (campus closest to where I live), pay a parking service and go meet girls. I usually spend 2 hours and then I just get bored or get tired and want to go home. Often it is taxing on me. I often let my anxiety and fear of "who is going to see this?" dictate who I am going to approach, which is something I am constantly working on. Best way to get over it is to just do it regardless. I realize it doesn't matter but that feeling is there regardless. It is bad habit that I keep reinforcing making the process longer and more strenuous on me in the long-run.



Jesuszilla said:


> I work the graveyard shift at a hospital so there are a lot of hiding spots if you know what I mean. I unfortunately have occasionally walked in on people making out, luckily nothing more...except groping, but they do that in the open as well.


I was going to be a radiology tech. I went to school for it for 2.5 years before I switched majors. Crazy to see that these people are doing that stuff there at hospitals, but I'm not really surprised as people are people regardless of their positions.


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from date with girl. Nice girl. Seems introverted. Physics major. Date went pretty well I thought, but my intention was to just to meet up for an hour or so, so she got a better sense of me. Will try to do a movie date next time if she doesn't flake.


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Just came back from date with girl. Nice girl. Seems introverted. Physics major. Date went pretty well I thought, but my intention was to just to meet up for an hour or so, so she got a better sense of me. Will try to do a movie date next time if she doesn't flake.


If she is introverted she may prefer another outside date rather then inviting her for movies at your house

Why not try that instead. Just an idea. Seems pretty fast to get a girl.over to your place after spending only an hour with her

Just throwing that out there


----------



## huh

This girl I've been on a few dates with has a real issue with getting close. We start kissing and then she will stop abruptly after a few seconds. She actually did this twice now on two separate nights. I get the feeling that she is just really uncomfortable/unsure about herself. It's pretty frustrating because I really like her.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> This girl I've been on a few dates with has a real issue with getting close. We start kissing and then she will stop abruptly after a few seconds. She actually did this twice now on two separate nights. I get the feeling that she is just really uncomfortable/unsure about herself. It's pretty frustrating because I really like her.


Umm so stick with it

Your probably her first kiss and she doesn't know how to French kiss


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> If she is introverted she may prefer another outside date rather then inviting her for movies at your house
> 
> Why not try that instead. Just an idea. Seems pretty fast to get a girl.over to your place after spending only an hour with her
> 
> Just throwing that out there


Yeah, might try do something else for a short time then watch a movie at my house. Not tryna seal the deal though, but I just like movie dates at my place because it's like the perfect place to break the physical barrier and get close and relax and get to know each other more on that level. Good note, she texted me the next morning on her own accord wishing me good luck on my upcoming quiz I had that day, so that's a good sign. Probably going to see if she's not doing anything sunday to hangout. I don't really care about any waiting "rules" because there really isn't any in the first place.

Saturday night is the night I might head out solo to a bar for the first time in a long time. Not sure though. If I go it'll be because it's the best place to go on saturday to meet girls and it will be a personal challenge. I don't like bars or clubs, especially alone, but I need to put in the time or else I go slack and nothing happens. Need to treat it like a schedule like work, school, etc. (go even when I feel like I don't want to). I think too often I treat meeting girls as matter of how I feel, so I need to treat it more strictly. I've noticed this actually works. Didn't feel like going out the last couple times actually, but I did and got results. I feel the same about work and school a lot too. Same thing.


----------



## huh

Zeeshan said:


> Umm so stick with it
> 
> Your probably her first kiss and she doesn't know how to French kiss


The problem is I'm not so sure she can get past whatever issues she has that's stopping her. I wasn't even attempting to french kiss her or anything. Oh well, guess I'll see how it goes.


----------



## veron

huh said:


> The problem is I'm not so sure she can get past whatever issues she has that's stopping her. I wasn't even attempting to french kiss her or anything. Oh well, guess I'll see how it goes.


Yeah, just stick with it. The first couple of times my bf tried to kiss me, I literally pushed him away from me (too nervous and he was coming on too strong). But things are fine now. Just be persistent :yes


----------



## bsd3355

Looks like date is set up tomorrow for a bite to eat and a movie tomorrow with the girl from the other day :b


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Looks like date is set up tomorrow for a bite to eat and a movie tomorrow with the girl from the other day :b


Good luck man I hope you do great. You deserve it


----------



## bsd3355

Just had second date with girl from the other day. Went to grab some subs at Penn Station and ate inside. I hardly ever go on dates that we eat, so this was a different change up, but something I wanted to do. I was a little nervous and it didn't help she doesn't talk much either but I relaxed after a bit. Before I picked her up I told her what we were going to do so to see if she objected to any of it; she didn't.

After the subs, I went to Red Box to get a movie. She's not talking much, not because I think she is that shy, just because it is who she is--she didn't seem nervous at all--so instead of chatting some more I just popped in the movie turned down the lights and watch it with her for about 20-30mins before I pulled the ol' "I'm going to lay down" move on the couch; she got up, I laid down a pillow on the arm, motioned for her to lay in front of me and did the ol' spoon-dangle. Had my hand on her hip for a bit, took it off, and later went to the bathroom and when I came back and we got back in our positions I put my hand back on the side of her hip and she took my hand and held it. I reach over, brushed her hair aside, kissed her on the cheek then kissed her on the lips, and we finished watching the movie. She seemed relaxed and giggled a lot at the stuff I said. I can tell she likes me but she just doesn't seem to talk very much. After the movie, I dropped her off at her apartment, which is only 6mins from my house by the local campus. I thanked her for coming out, she thanked me for the subs, we kiss twice and off she goes. It was a good date and I can tell she likes me.

It wasn't my intention to have her over for sex. I am more interested in making this something that may last. The last girl I dated I pushed for sex a lot and eventually I got tired of trying and just gave up on her. It was my decision to stop talking to her. She was open for sex but I wasn't really interested in waiting months and months, which I felt would happen, so I cut it off. There wasn't really a need to do that, but I did and I don't really regret it. This new girl I don't want to push for sex like I did with the last one. I'll probably wait a bit more before I get more sexual with her. This isn't done because I am trying to get laid, but it is being done because I want to. I am interested in her more than sex, and I am looking for something more long-term.

She's real small, like 5'1. I think she's real pretty. Will see how it plays out. It is still early and I still am going to go out and meet more girls. Because I do want something long-term, I am playing my cards and seeing where the future leads.

Saturday I didn't go out like I said I would. Next week I will go out and meet more girls. Two other girls said they would go on a coffee date with me from the numbers I've collected lately, but I think only one of them is keen on meeting up; the other is the art student who I get a feeling isn't very interested in dating (i get the vibe). Will ask them next week to meet up if not too busy.


----------



## Zeeshan

How do you know she was up for sex?.


----------



## Zeeshan

I had a date tonight. I liked her. She was cute. I thought it went well but she seemed shy

So I hugged her and told her I was gonna kiss her on the cheek and text her tomorrow 

She did go in my car and to another coffee shop after. I thought it went well but I think she was a bit nervous. Time just flew by. I told her I had to get going and she seemed a bit upset. Usually id take that as a good sign but I've had dates that I thought went amazing and the other person felt different 

Anyhow will text her tomorrow and see. Will be dissapointed if she is not interested further. We be a good match 

I'd really have a lot of questions about myself if things didn't go further with her. I drove away thinking man she was a sweet girl wouldnt she make a great gf for me

I didn't find her to be beautiful. But she was pettite and cute and fun to talk to. I figured of she didn't like me would have declined to go for coffee after dinner. But again I have also come to understand that perceive dates as differently.

I did pay for dinner and she didn't mind. Maybe that's my problem


----------



## Zeeshan

I was myself tonight and I figured I don't want to put on act anymore. If sparks didn't fly for her so be it.

I also counted and that was the 8th different women I went out with this year. Of the other 7 2 turned into month long relationship 1 went to a second date. And the others ended at the girl rejecting me after first


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> How do you know she was up for sex?.


Not this current girl, but the last girl I was dating for a bit. I knew because we talked about it on the phone. She had personal problems with sex before and said she enjoys sex but didn't want to "have it just to have it". It is slightly more complicated than that, but when I broke it off with her she told me she was really thinking about it. My reason for breaking it off was a selfish one, and while it may of not been right in some ways, I didn't want that atm and felt disturbed by the fact of waiting for so long for a few reasons, mostly my impatience and insecurity. I don't blame her for wanting to wait though.



Zeeshan said:


> I was myself tonight and I figured I don't want to put on act anymore. If sparks didn't fly for her so be it.
> 
> I also counted and that was the 8th different women I went out with this year. Of the other 7 2 turned into month long relationship 1 went to a second date. And the others ended at the girl rejecting me after first


It's good that you are yourself. The good news is that there are plenty of girls out there. I guess that can be bad news if you have a hard time meeting them; in that case, I'd say find a different source. For a guy, I'd say you should expect more flakes and rejections than personal successes, so I think it is important to have a good system of meeting lots of girls or else the process may seem worse than what it is. Congrats on what you have achieved so far, and you being active pursing your goals with women is admirable, much like the others here as well.


----------



## Brandeezy

Figured that my problem is that I have no feelings and don't really care about much. I remember a couple years ago when a co-worker (Who i had a crush on) told me that she was going to visit her Grandfather in El Salvador because he was sick. All I said was "Oh wow" and walked away, she had a sad look on her face but I didn't care. The next week she quit out of the blue and I kinda felt bad for not showing any empathy but I just couldn't . When people ignore you for years and years, it takes a toll


----------



## nothing else

can't do anything. To a get a girl I'd have to be living in a different area and probably reborn into another person other than myself.


----------



## Zeeshan

So I'm talking to this girl now

Gonna ask her to the movies as a second date


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Still recovering from my failed last two attempts, which are also my first two attempts. There is this third girl who I like. But I've gone back to my old routine of just avoiding. We smile at each other though when we see each other, that's it. I already waited to long probebly and ruined my chances with her as well. (Of the two others I know that at least one of them was once interested in me. But I think I just waited to long to make a move. The other one was probebly just not into me.)

Anyway. I can see now that I'm a lost cause. I might try again though. But I've lost all hope.  I'll die unloved. Best accept it now so I can at least enjoy my life a little. Hope is killing me.


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So I'm talking to this girl now
> 
> Gonna ask her to the movies as a second date


Great she stopped replying to

Really feeling like garbage now. Screw it I give up. Even if I get women to go out with me its clear they don't want me. So what's the point. So many women can't be wrong

And I'm done changing myself too.


----------



## rymo

^ You're not going to keep a girl until you can be happy with yourself. You're relying way too much on external validation. You're also expecting the world from every girl you hang with. It's not easy, but you need to find your self-worth.


----------



## Zeeshan

How can I be happy when I'm alone. If I could be happy alone then I wouldn't need anyone

Anyways I don't think it has anything to do with my attitude.


----------



## phoenixwright

rymo said:


> ^ You're not going to keep a girl until you can be happy with yourself. You're relying way too much on external validation. You're also expecting the world from every girl you hang with. It's not easy, but you need to find your self-worth.


It takes a special kind of enlightenment to not rely on external validation. Most people do rely on it. Being able to free yourself from that need is a worthy goal though. Life would be more enjoyable and liberating if I didn't give a **** about what other people thought.

As I get older, it becomes easier to not care. I don't sweat a lot of the things that I used to sweat about. Particularly career-related stuff. Because I know that working in a cubicle 9-5 is not my passion.


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> It takes a special kind of enlightenment to not rely on external validation. Most people do rely on it. Being able to free yourself from that need is a worthy goal though. Life would be more enjoyable and liberating if I didn't give a **** about what other people thought.
> 
> As I get older, it becomes easier to not care. I don't sweat a lot of the things that I used to sweat about. Particularly career-related stuff. Because I know that working in a cubicle 9-5 is not my passion.


And that's the kind of world we live in


----------



## bsd3355

I am not going to keep going out consistently if I don't have to. I think it may be counterproductive because I really only have so much time and so much energy to devote to going out, dating, etc. And I also have to consider that I am not really into casual relationships atm. The last time I went out and started going on a lot of dates I remember feeling like it was a chore and I really did not enjoy or look forward to the dates (if any of you can remember the girl I left early on the first date because I was drained and didn't want to be there?). I think for guys who are "players" are guys who only want very casual meeting with girls. I am not really like that, nor do I want that. Sex is good and everything, but I want something more at this point in my life.

Therefore, I am going to go more at a natural speed. If I _feel_ the need to go back out and meet more girls then I will, and I think the only way this is going to spring up is if something happens with someone I'm dating. I am not really interested in dating a lot of people atm. If there is lack of chemistry, lack of whatever, and I feel like I need a better match then I will do so. A lot of this is kind of new to me, but I'm trying to follow my instincts on this one. I understand the process enough to know how to meet more women, and if something happens and prompts me to I will. I am more interested in developing something more substantial atm.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ I thought a long term relationship was your goal the whole time. I just assumed you were playing the numbers game. I figured since its not uncommon for women to cancel or flake you got a lot of numbers but was going at your speed.


----------



## Zeeshan

So I had a blood test done for low testosterone level and the doctor wants to see me tomorrow

Oh man kind of nervous now

I wouldn't be surprised for a second if they were low. For one thing my voice I'd pathetic


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> ^ I thought a long term relationship was your goal the whole time. I just assumed you were playing the numbers game. I figured since its not uncommon for women to cancel or flake you got a lot of numbers but was going at your speed.


I was kind of undecided what I wanted to do. I thought maybe before I met a girl to date seriously--which I think I have already--I'd continue doing casual dating. Now that I am where I am already, I don't have that desire. However, sex is important to me, and if the girl doesn't want to have sex with me then it prompts me to look for a girl who will, so I'm kind of waiting to see what happens with that. Like I said, the last girl I dated was willing to wait months for it and I wasn't ready for that, and she made it seem like the decision for her to have sex was still up in the air, so in my mind I figured it was best to find a girl who actually wanted the same thing. If the girl I'm seeing now is the same way as the last, actually, two girls I've dated, then I will either see her less and meet other girls or will stop seeing her and meet other girls. Sounds a bit shallow, but I really don't understand this "waiting" thing. I get that girls meet guys who hit it and quit it a lot, but if you are going to make a guy wait for an undisclosed amount of time, to me, that is like saying it might never come and it doesn't make much sense to me to hang around a girl who really isn't someone I'm romantically involved with, because I already have "friends". Hoping this girl doesn't pull the "waiting for sex" card on me...


----------



## Brandeezy

So i need someone's opinion on something. Bascially there's a cougar at work that apparently likes me, it's been going on for a while now but i didn't feel like mentioning it here because it hasn't gone anywhere. She's 44 and im 23/24 so basically a 20 yr age difference. She does things like make me coffee in the morning, calls me by her last name all time and keeps asking me if im married or have a gf. I find her attractive but i really never wanted to get involved because she has 3 kids i think and one of them is a girl who's my age who just had her 2nd baby yesterday. Plus they all live in the same apartment, so it sounds like drama central and time consuming. I wanted to increase my flirting with her and see where it goes but i think I'm asking for trouble. Opinions?


----------



## Zeeshan

Zeeshan said:


> So I had a blood test done for low testosterone level and the doctor wants to see me tomorrow
> 
> Oh man kind of nervous now
> 
> I wouldn't be surprised for a second if they were low. For one thing my voice I'd pathetic


Nope not low

Just below average. No intervention. Apparently u have to be close to dying


----------



## Jesuszilla

Found out another guy at work in a much higher position than me was interested in the hot redhead at work. So I passed up on asking her out. Oh well. Otherwise I haven't put much effort into getting a girl for almost a week and a half now. Just not feeling it. All that comes to mind are excuses on why it won't work out. Damn low self esteem and self defeating attitude.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> So i need someone's opinion on something. Bascially there's a cougar at work that apparently likes me, it's been going on for a while now but i didn't feel like mentioning it here because it hasn't gone anywhere. She's 44 and im 23/24 so basically a 20 yr age difference. She does things like make me coffee in the morning, calls me by her last name all time and keeps asking me if im married or have a gf. I find her attractive but i really never wanted to get involved because she has 3 kids i think and one of them is a girl who's my age who just had her 2nd baby yesterday. Plus they all live in the same apartment, so it sounds like drama central and time consuming. I wanted to increase my flirting with her and see where it goes but i think I'm asking for trouble. Opinions?


Wow. That sounds awful. But Brandeezy, you should take an opportunity when it presents itself to you, if for nothing else the experience. See what happens. You're not obligated to get serious with her or anything.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Found out another guy at work in a much higher position than me was interested in the hot redhead at work. So I passed up on asking her out. Oh well. Otherwise I haven't put much effort into getting a girl for almost a week and a half now. Just not feeling it. All that comes to mind are excuses on why it won't work out. Damn low self esteem and self defeating attitude.


You seem like a pretty cool person. You got this. Sometimes what it takes for me is getting back into the swing of it. I'll tell myself, "going to go out today just to go out and experience what it is like to be out". This usually gets me focused again. When I know I want to do something, I force it a lot and action breeds emotions.


----------



## bsd3355

For you guys who are having trouble online, you should really try experimenting for as long as possible with approaching IRL. For me, things have been much more realistic offline. It is more anxiety-prone, but I think once you get used to it you will likely have an easier time dating girls you want to date. No one is going force you to do it. I feel less inclined to share this kind of stuff because I have a zillion times before, and I will likely stop doing it as much in the future because I think by now most of you know what it takes.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> You seem like a pretty cool person. You got this. Sometimes what it takes for me is getting back into the swing of it. I'll tell myself, "going to go out today just to go out and experience what it is like to be out". This usually gets me focused again. When I know I want to do something, I force it a lot and action breeds emotions.


Thanks man. Trust me I'm doing everything I can to fight this stupid anxiety disorder. Its just sometimes I'm just not in the mood to put in effort. Well I think I'm going to try forcing myself out of the apartment this weekend. I notice that the worst part is the anticipation because once I'm out there I for the most part have fun and enjoy myself. And I feel a sense of pride for putting myself out there. I just need my mood to catch up.


----------



## bsd3355

So I tried to go for sex this meet up with the girl I'm seeing. Access denied. And to be honest, super frustrating. I really don't understand the whole "not ready" concept. The last two girls I saw seemed to have legitimate reasons I guess. The first was sexual assaulted (which I really have NO idea what is like, so of course I respect that decision on her part, don't get me wrong), and the second was a virgin. 

So yeah, the girl I've been dating lately is a virgin, which really isn't that big a shocker, but when she said she hasn't had a "boyfriend" in 4 years I almost couldn't believe it. She's so pretty it just didn't make much sense. So since I we are laying there half-naked and I knew nothing was going to happen I just figured I might as well pick her brain and ask her a trillion questions. Supposedly, no guy has even asked her out in 4 years!? Her last boyfriend, they dated for 10 months and he never even kissed her! So after hearing all that, everything started making sense to me. She is a super nice girl, but she has like NO background history with ANYTHING. I mean, I asked her so many questions and tried to get something interesting out of her and all I found was a blank slate. I have NEVER met anyone with such a blank slate; I was dumbfounded. I asked her what was the craziest thing that has happened in her life was and she said she played the xylophone in band. And I was asking her questions about sex about EVERYTHING. Never in my life have a met a girl so void of experiences in my entire life. No wonder she hardly talked--she literally seems to have NOTHING interesting ever happen in her life, ever. I still can't believe it...

To her credit though, she is a nice girl, and believe it or not, of course I respect her decision for not wanting to have sex. It has nothing to do with age either. Not having sex has nothing to do with our ages. It also had nothing to do with her being attracted to me or not because she was, it was clear. It clearly comes down to complete opposites. I should of asked her if she had something mental issues or something because I can't see how you can be that old and not have anything interesting happen in your life, ever. She's a physics student, she's not stupid, she has a job, a VERY nice apartment, a car, etc., etc..... she is just void. And not dating for 4 years!? Wtf!!!!? She said a guy hasn't asked her out in 4 years!!!?? When I hear that I feel like she was just willing to date anybody and I was the only guy who made a move on her? The last girl I dated before her has schizoaffective, which I didn't notice, and so it makes me wonder if the only reason I'm getting any girls I'm attracted to is because they have some issues or something. How desperate would you be with such a lack of experience and no guys making the moves? She's pretty, but obviously has no clue wtf is going on in the dating world. I'm not even sure she cares either. This one is going down in the mental books as one of the weirdest dating experiences I will probably ever experience...

Once again, I respect a girl's decision for not wanting to have sex. That is her decision and she has that right. But I can't ****ing deal with it... dude, that's just not for me... it's be one thing if we had good chemistry or something, but damn..next next next next...

end rant

Back on the grind. No worries. Will hopefully meet a girl who works better for me next time


----------



## Bawsome

bwidger85 said:


> For you guys who are having trouble online, you should really try experimenting for as long as possible with approaching IRL. For me, things have been much more realistic offline. It is more anxiety-prone, but I think once you get used to it you will likely have an easier time dating girls you want to date. No one is going force you to do it. I feel less inclined to share this kind of stuff because I have a zillion times before, and I will likely stop doing it as much in the future because I think by now most of you know what it takes.


That was a great video, 
I agree with what you are saying about approaching IRL, but i can only approach a girl if i forget all intentions of asking her on a date or anything like that, its pretty neat and its great fun to be just in the moment with people, but it is very hit and miss because my genius method breaks down as soon as it requires me to take the initiative. it seems as soon as i get any intention of doing anything i sabotage it, i dont really know what i do, i over think, over analyze, and it can be picked up upon i guess, i will get over it in good time but some advice would good too.


----------



## afff

Nothing because if you aren't atleast a 6/10 no girl will want you.
So I just try to improve my looks as much as I can


----------



## bsd3355

afff said:


> Nothing because if you aren't atleast a 6/10 no girl will want you.
> So I just try to improve my looks as much as I can


false. but looks can help if you aren't taking the right kind of action


----------



## bsd3355

Bawsome said:


> That was a great video,
> I agree with what you are saying about approaching IRL, but i can only approach a girl if i forget all intentions of asking her on a date or anything like that, its pretty neat and its great fun to be just in the moment with people, but it is very hit and miss because my genius method breaks down as soon as it requires me to take the initiative. it seems as soon as i get any intention of doing anything i sabotage it, i dont really know what i do, i over think, over analyze, and it can be picked up upon i guess, i will get over it in good time but some advice would good too.


First off, there is no one-size-fits-all method I can tell you. ANY "method" works. You can approach indirect, direct, etc. While being direct helps to screen for the girls who are interested, essentially what you are missing is you are not moving things forward (i.e. asking for number/date, etc.), so this is what you need to work on.

Really, you approach the girl and you can say nearly anything as long and you move things forward. You can approach and talk about something she is wearing. You can approach and tell her you think she's cute and you wanted to talk to her. You can approach for directions, etc. When you open her you small talk and just shoot the ****. Be nice, be friendly and cool and relaxed. Ideally, you want to tell her that you think she is pretty or give her a compliment to let her know you are interested. After a little small talk ask for her number or ask if she'd like to grab coffee sometime.

Example:

You: "Excuse me, I realize this is a little random, but I just saw you and I thought you were pretty and I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't at least say hello"....small talk

After a bit of small talk say, "If you'd be interested, we should grab coffee sometime."...."OK. Cool. What's your number? Let's exchange contact information and I'll keep in touch."

So three steps: Open, small talk, #close or date-close. That's it.

You will fail if you don't take action. If you read this and decide not to take action then you fail. And I say it like this because most people will not take action, even though it is right there for them to achieve. They simply will not do it unfortunately. So it's up to you whether or not you make it happen. Drop online and do this in REAL LIFE. No excuses.


----------



## pete24

Still going well with the overseas chick.

I'm starting to dislike her for the wrong reasons though.

Its been about 4 months or so since my last relationship which was a flaky one anyway. I could be missing out on a hell of a lot of chances with people locally. Instead i'm going through this time of year as it gets cold with nobody to cuddle up with, nobody to see fireworks with (that I lit the other night) and nobody to share xmas with. 

The whole cost of things is extreme. I'm having to get a passport and pay for it, then its expenses in flights to get there in a few months. It's more than what I thought it would cost overall and I could be looking at £1000 of expenses (nearly $2000) by time I get there and i'm spending time with her.

I'm having to change my life, spend most days stuck in the house and buy cheap food, otherwise I will never be able to afford to go there. I cant get a full time job as that would mean game over for us (I'm not prepared to continue things if i'm only gonna see her for 2 weeks a year).

While she doesn't seem to be making half of much of a sacrifice as me. She claims she will be down for the summer, but I have no idea how she will afford that as she is only a student. 

Maybe i'm just having a low day but I feel like i'm losing out on so much


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> So I tried to go for sex this meet up with the girl I'm seeing. Access denied. And to be honest, super frustrating. I really don't understand the whole "not ready" concept. The last two girls I saw seemed to have legitimate reasons I guess. The first was sexual assaulted (which I really have NO idea what is like, so of course I respect that decision on her part, don't get me wrong), and the second was a virgin.
> 
> So yeah, the girl I've been dating lately is a virgin, which really isn't that big a shocker, but when she said she hasn't had a "boyfriend" in 4 years I almost couldn't believe it. She's so pretty it just didn't make much sense. So since I we are laying there half-naked and I knew nothing was going to happen I just figured I might as well pick her brain and ask her a trillion questions. Supposedly, no guy has even asked her out in 4 years!? Her last boyfriend, they dated for 10 months and he never even kissed her! So after hearing all that, everything started making sense to me. She is a super nice girl, but she has like NO background history with ANYTHING. I mean, I asked her so many questions and tried to get something interesting out of her and all I found was a blank slate. I have NEVER met anyone with such a blank slate; I was dumbfounded. I asked her what was the craziest thing that has happened in her life was and she said she played the xylophone in band. And I was asking her questions about sex about EVERYTHING. Never in my life have a met a girl so void of experiences in my entire life. No wonder she hardly talked--she literally seems to have NOTHING interesting ever happen in her life, ever. I still can't believe it...
> 
> To her credit though, she is a nice girl, and believe it or not, of course I respect her decision for not wanting to have sex. It has nothing to do with age either. Not having sex has nothing to do with our ages. It also had nothing to do with her being attracted to me or not because she was, it was clear. It clearly comes down to complete opposites. I should of asked her if she had something mental issues or something because I can't see how you can be that old and not have anything interesting happen in your life, ever. She's a physics student, she's not stupid, she has a job, a VERY nice apartment, a car, etc., etc..... she is just void. And not dating for 4 years!? Wtf!!!!? She said a guy hasn't asked her out in 4 years!!!?? When I hear that I feel like she was just willing to date anybody and I was the only guy who made a move on her? The last girl I dated before her has schizoaffective, which I didn't notice, and so it makes me wonder if the only reason I'm getting any girls I'm attracted to is because they have some issues or something. How desperate would you be with such a lack of experience and no guys making the moves? She's pretty, but obviously has no clue wtf is going on in the dating world. I'm not even sure she cares either. This one is going down in the mental books as one of the weirdest dating experiences I will probably ever experience...
> 
> Once again, I respect a girl's decision for not wanting to have sex. That is her decision and she has that right. But I can't ****ing deal with it... dude, that's just not for me... it's be one thing if we had good chemistry or something, but damn..next next next next...
> 
> end rant
> 
> Back on the grind. No worries. Will hopefully meet a girl who works better for me next time


You sound like a jerk. I feel sorry for that poor girl!


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> You sound like a jerk. I feel sorry for that poor girl!


Definitely not a jerk. I don't know how many times I said I respect a woman's decision to not have sex. While she is indeed a nice girl, she is not the kind I am looking for atm because sex is important to me and I am not in the time of my life where I feel it is necessary to wait months for sex from a girl I'm seeing. Her decision is her right. My frustration is also my right. At least here I can vent my frustrations. While many people are in the mindset of "waiting", I am not to a given extent, and I know I'm not alone on that.


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> Definitely not a jerk. I don't know how many times I said I respect a woman's decision to not have sex. While she is indeed a nice girl, she is not the kind I am looking for atm because sex is important to me and I am not in the time of my life where I feel it is necessary to wait months for sex from a girl I'm seeing. Her decision is her right. My frustration is also my right. At least here I can vent my frustrations. While many people are in the mindset of "waiting", I am not to a given extent, and I know I'm not alone on that.


That's not why I called you a jerk. I understand it's important for couples to be on the same page with things. If that can't happen, obviously it's best they discontinue the relationship.


----------



## Putin

I've started cracking open the game manuals and taking notes. Very soon, no woman will be able to resist me.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I signed up for speed dating. It goes down next weekend in a very nice area. I don't know what possesed me to do it. Guess I wanted to try something new. From the jist of it, it seems like I meet about 20 women 8 minutes at a time. I guess I'll treat it like a job interview with flirting.


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> That's not why I called you a jerk. I understand it's important for couples to be on the same page with things. If that can't happen, obviously it's best they discontinue the relationship.


What part of what I said makes me sound like a jerk to you? I can see some of the things I said now as being mean, so I don't even disagree with you now. Now I'm just curious.


----------



## h2s2o7in2011

very nice


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> What part of what I said makes me sound like a jerk to you? I can see some of the things I said now as being mean, so I don't even disagree with you now. Now I'm just curious.


From your rant, I gathered this:

1) Unless you're a girl that has been 'sexually assaulted' or a 'virgin' then there should be no reason why she can't 'ready' when I am. No such thing as being rushed or anything, who cares if she's comfortable with me or not, I'm just eager to bust a nut already.

2) If you lack 'interesting' experiences in your life, then it's safe to bet you've got 'mental issues' or something. Also, asking wouldn't be insulting in the slightest.

3) If you haven't dated in a long, long, time and now yore dating me? Well I'm gonna assume now that you must be desperate to have finally landed a guy now and that guy was me. What does that say about me?

Even though you say you asked her so many questions, why didn't you delve further into WHY she didn't feel ready? WHY she hasn't dated in a while? Why she it takes her 10 months to kiss a boyfriend? Etc. Instead of over-analysing and over-thinking everything! No, you're happy to sit there, play Dr. Phill and make your own conclusions which almost always must have some sort of negative connotation.

Communication, ever heard of it?

I don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to give you a dose of reality.

Your post makes you sound, selfish, insensitive and highly arrogant. I hope you see the error of your ways.


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> From your rant, I gathered this:
> 
> 1) Unless you're a girl that has been 'sexually assaulted' or a 'virgin' then there should be no reason why she can't 'ready' when I am. No such thing as being rushed or anything, who cares if she's comfortable with me or not, I'm just eager to bust a nut already.
> 
> 2) If you lack 'interesting' experiences in your life, then it's safe to bet you've got 'mental issues' or something. Also, asking wouldn't be insulting in the slightest.
> 
> 3) If you haven't dated in a long, long, time and now yore dating me? Well I'm gonna assume now that you must be desperate to have finally landed a guy now and that guy was me. What does that say about me?
> 
> Even though you say you asked her so many questions, why didn't you delve further into WHY she didn't feel ready? WHY she hasn't dated in a while? Why she it takes her 10 months to kiss a boyfriend? Etc. Instead of over-analysing and over-thinking everything! No, you're happy to sit there, play Dr. Phill and make your own conclusions which almost always must have some sort of negative connotation.
> 
> Communication, ever heard of it?
> 
> I don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to give you a dose of reality.
> 
> Your post makes you sound, selfish, insensitive and highly arrogant. I hope you see the error of your ways.


Yeah, it does come off that way. Thanks for being honest.

To be completely 100% honest, the way I see her, I don't really think she has mental issues. My frustrated post makes me seem like a dick, fair enough. I did ask her about it and her reasons made sense to me: she's shy and not too confident about the process. I get that, especially going through that myself and being on this site for so long only exposes that reality to me all the time. The way I expressed her as being "void" was dickish too. She isn't very expressive though, but that doesn't make her a bad person. I won't sit here and lie though, the sex thing does frustrate me a little, but tough **** for me I guess, and I can see why that makes me look a certain way. I didn't treat her negatively, even if my post makes it seem like I may of. If I did, I would of felt like the biggest ******* in the world.

I am a little surprised that no guy has approached her at all in 4 years, especially given how she doesn't seem closed off from the world and her being pretty (in my eyes at least). Idk.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Have anybody noticed that starting to talk is always the hardest part? It seems like after the initial exchange of formalities, talking to someone gets a lot easier. 

I say that because I have been eyeing a girl for months unable to talk to her because of low self esteem. Wel I decided to talk to her about because she looked bored and although brief we had a nice smooth conversation. I flirted with her but punked out on asking her out. That's okay, I will see her soon its just nice to get back to working on my SA and getting a date.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Have anybody noticed that starting to talk is always the hardest part? It seems like after the initial exchange of formalities, talking to someone gets a lot easier.
> 
> I say that because I have been eyeing a girl for months unable to talk to her because of low self esteem. Wel I decided to talk to her about because she looked bored and although brief we had a nice smooth conversation. I flirted with her but punked out on asking her out. That's okay, I will see her soon its just nice to get back to working on my SA and getting a date.


this applies to most things in life ive found.


----------



## Zeeshan

sandy1798 said:


> The best way on how to get a woman is just to be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are, It's not worth it to pretend to be someone you're not just to make her like you.
> 
> Love
> Sandy
> www.IDoLoveRomance.com


So admins where are we on this making new members wait a month before posting idea


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, it does come off that way. Thanks for being honest.
> 
> To be completely 100% honest, the way I see her, I don't really think she has mental issues. My frustrated post makes me seem like a dick, fair enough. I did ask her about it and her reasons made sense to me: she's shy and not too confident about the process. I get that, especially going through that myself and being on this site for so long only exposes that reality to me all the time. The way I expressed her as being "void" was dickish too. She isn't very expressive though, but that doesn't make her a bad person. I won't sit here and lie though, the sex thing does frustrate me a little, but tough **** for me I guess, and I can see why that makes me look a certain way. I didn't treat her negatively, even if my post makes it seem like I may of. If I did, I would of felt like the biggest ******* in the world.
> 
> I am a little surprised that no guy has approached her at all in 4 years, especially given how she doesn't seem closed off from the world and her being pretty (in my eyes at least). Idk.


If you don't really think she has mental issues and I don't know if you mean that or not, don't say it. It's not a fair thought. I gathered she was rather shy, and that's cool. Some people can't put up with that, and I can respect that. If however I found out this was the mindset of the guy I was seeing in response to certain aspects of myself, I think my ego would be destroyed.

Also, I don't know why you didn't feel like you just hit the jackpot with that girl. A lot of guys these days would love to have a girl who lacked such experience since its so rare nowadays, although I can understand how being TOO shy can put off a guy.


----------



## bsd3355

i never said she had mental issues but i said i should of asked her. but i agree with you. mainly just frusterared about tge ssx thing but shs has that rivht


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> i never said she had mental issues but i said i should of asked her. but i agree with you. mainly just frusterared about tge ssx thing but shs has that rivht


Dude if you like her just bring her along slowly


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> Dude if you like her just bring her along slowly


Yeah, there really isn't an issue here. Will see what happens. Not going to make a big stink about it on the forums next time. I do admit, in the territory of "waiting" for sex (if ever), I am at a loss. Makes me wonder if and when I should even attempt to go for it again? The last girl I was with I felt more and more detoured from trying (I tried twice), and we even talked about it and she was cool and everything and explained herself. In my head I basically chucked it up to us not really being compatible in that regard, but she likely just needed more time. W/e. Live and learn. I guess I'm just ****ing desperate or something lol idk.

Btw, that night that I went for it, she was trying to invite me over to her apartment for cookies. I thought she maybe wanted me to meet her roommates or something, but turns out on our second date she asked me what my favorite kind of cookies were and remembered for the other night and found a homemade recipe and tried to keep it a surprise so when I got there she could surprise me and bake the cookies there. Haha, almost wanted to leave that out because it just makes me look more like an ***! But it was a very thoughtful thing to do on her part, so she really is a nice girl.

Other girls are different. Other girls will just go for it and even initiate it. Just depends on the person, really.


----------



## Brandeezy

This girl who i have a crush on didn't remember my bday and hasn't even mentioned it even though I told her. I even put up a status on FB saying that it was my bday but still got nothing. I'm pretty much done with trying to be friends with her. I don't how she can say "let's get to know eachother" then say that i need to make some friends without her offering herself to be a friend. **** pisses me off, i felt like punching her tbh


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, there really isn't an issue here. Will see what happens. Not going to make a big stink about it on the forums next time. I do admit, in the territory of "waiting" for sex (if ever), I am at a loss. Makes me wonder if and when I should even attempt to go for it again? The last girl I was with I felt more and more detoured from trying (I tried twice), and we even talked about it and she was cool and everything and explained herself. In my head I basically chucked it up to us not really being compatible in that regard, but she likely just needed more time. W/e. Live and learn. I guess I'm just ****ing desperate or something lol idk.
> 
> Btw, that night that I went for it, she was trying to invite me over to her apartment for cookies. I thought she maybe wanted me to meet her roommates or something, but turns out on our second date she asked me what my favorite kind of cookies were and remembered for the other night and found a homemade recipe and tried to keep it a surprise so when I got there she could surprise me and bake the cookies there. Haha, almost wanted to leave that out because it just makes me look more like an ***! But it was a very thoughtful thing to do on her part, so she really is a nice girl.
> 
> Other girls are different. Other girls will just go for it and even initiate it. Just depends on the person, really.


Ever slept with a girl real soon and found that the connection just fizzled out real soon?


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> Ever slept with a girl real soon and found that the connection just fizzled out real soon?


Because we had sex? Not really. It was more because we weren't right for each other at the time or at different places mentally.


----------



## bsd3355

Texted the girl a couple hours ago and she never texted me back. C'est la vie! Probably wouldn't of worked out anyway.

Will be going out tomorrow


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> Texted the girl a couple hours ago and she never texted me back. C'est la vie! Probably wouldn't of worked out anyway.
> 
> Will be going out tomorrow


I'm still pretty depressed. I went out with another girl last week the date went great we even went for coffee after and she didnt want to leave

Yet stopped replying to my texts

I just don't get. If it happens once or twice I get but this is the 4th time since summer


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Have anybody noticed that starting to talk is always the hardest part? It seems like after the initial exchange of formalities, talking to someone gets a lot easier.
> 
> I say that because I have been eyeing a girl for months unable to talk to her because of low self esteem. Wel I decided to talk to her about because she looked bored and although brief we had a nice smooth conversation. I flirted with her but punked out on asking her out. That's okay, I will see her soon its just nice to get back to working on my SA and getting a date.


Nah. I mean yes - the initial part is always nerve-wracking, but as far as straight difficulty goes, it's much harder for me to carry a conversation well than approach well. My mind and personality are pretty ****. If I believed that my conversational ability was half-way decent, I would feel like a god. Able to talk to anyone. But that's what trips me up. It's not the approach. It's what comes after. I've gotten enough practice where I can usually hold my own with a girl, but objectively what I'm saying is pretty uninteresting. I just say things with confidence because I've trained myself to do so.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> I'm still pretty depressed. I went out with another girl last week the date went great we even went for coffee after and she didnt want to leave
> 
> Yet stopped replying to my texts
> 
> I just don't get. If it happens once or twice I get but this is the 4th time since summer


The feeling of being "depressed" by something like this makes me question if getting depressed over such a thing is a normal or healthy response. I get why some people do, as I do sometimes, but I think there is a different way of viewing this, and I think having a different attitude about it changes everything.

Going to talk abstractly here, but ideally we SHOULD be able to go around and get rejected all the time and this not bother us. Why? Because getting rejected doesn't really define who we are, and essentially we are the ones who allowing ourselves to feel that way. Dating is hard with regards to this subject because with little experience we have to hope for the best, and when rejections start coming we don't know how to handle it because it's new to us. Then we want to identify with every single one of them; then we rationalize down to a view personal reasons when the reasons could be hundreds.

All I know is I become more and more detached from the dating process because in my mind I honestly see it as something there just waiting for me to discover; all I really need to do is "man up", take rejections lightly and move forward and it's mine for the taking. This seems crazy to a person who gets rejected all the time, but it is true to a large degree. This is why this whole dating thing is kind of fascinating to me. Ironically, the more I adopt this way of thinking, the more I don't care about rejections and the more I am content regardless, which helps me focus on staying positive and moving forward and actually meeting the girls I want to meet. It is a mixture of desensitization mixed with acceptance mixed with hope mixed with a KNOWING that it is just a process and it is only a matter of time before the inevitable girlfriend comes along. This topic in general intrigues me because I think there is truth in this and I think it is a big part of being "happy" and successful in dating. I am still putting together the pieces but it's becoming more and more clear and I'll likely grasp it soon because I can feel it happening in my life already. Dating is not becoming an issue for me anymore, and the craziest thing is most of it is an internal change within me and then taking action with that new mindset.

I'm going to start advocating guys here seriously consider meeting girls offline. Online seems way more competitive than offline, so you may actually be pleasantly surprised to find that you may get better results offline. You don't know unless you put in a serious effort and not just wave it off without trying. I don't think online dating is realistic in terms of what you should expect from results. I think results are more realistic offline AND more of something you can control, which is a little more reasonable. I mean, look at the last girl I dated, she supposedly didn't get asked out for 4 years and she's around guys all the time! Everyone and their mother are trying online and some people aren't and for those people who aren't the world is a lonely place often and they aren't getting 12 messages a day on POF lol.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Nah. I mean yes - the initial part is always nerve-wracking, but as far as straight difficulty goes, it's much harder for me to carry a conversation well than approach well. My mind and personality are pretty ****. If I believed that my conversational ability was half-way decent, I would feel like a god. Able to talk to anyone. But that's what trips me up. It's not the approach. It's what comes after. I've gotten enough practice where I can usually hold my own with a girl, but objectively what I'm saying is pretty uninteresting. I just say things with confidence because I've trained myself to do so.


I hope you get over this feeling. I think it is just a feeling, as you mentioned. Weird how that works, huh? You are probably a good conversationalist already, but you need to first believe it in yourself first, and then you'll allow it to be a reality. This is what makes this stuff really interesting. So if that is the case for you, I wonder what it will take for you to feel that way. Most of the guys/gals here hold themselves back because they don't believe certain things, which is really interesting when you think about it.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> I hope you get over this feeling. I think it is just a feeling, as you mentioned. Weird how that works, huh? You are probably a good conversationalist already, but you need to first believe it in yourself first, and then you'll allow it to be a reality. This is what makes this stuff really interesting. So if that is the case for you, I wonder what it will take for you to feel that way.


Interesting...yes, I suppose. But I'm tired and frustrated of interesting. I'm pretty bored of being trapped in this eternal ping-pong match of, "Am I uninteresting? Or do I just believe I'm not interesting? If I am interesting, how do I believe it? If I'm not, how do I get to be?" Over. And over. And over.

I'm dating at the moment, but I want something else. What I really want is just to make some real friends that I feel comfortable with. I have a few great (non-family) people in my life that I really care about, but in general, I find it hard to connect. Whatever. Working on it.

On a separate note, has anyone ever felt attached to someone they knew would never work for them in the long run? I felt that way with my ex, and I feel that way with a girl I'm seeing now (though not nearly on the same level, of course). She's attractive but nothing mind-blowing, and she's fun sometimes but she's also kind of ADD and in her own world most other times. It's pretty annoying, and I know she's no one I could get serious with, but I've hung out with her a bunch and I often find myself craving to just be cuddling with her in my room watching a movie or something.

I don't think it's her personality - rather it's her presence that I'm attracted to. It's pretty odd. I even keep recalling a story about how she had a threesome one time and it feels ****ty when I think about it. I think it's the fact that she's so aloof and that makes me feel...like I'm in her grasp. She acts like she doesn't care about anything and it makes me want to be like, "HEY! I'M HERE!" That insecurity about wanting to have a voice, wanting to be heard, and this girl is choosing to hang out with me and yet denying me that voice (sometimes). It's like she's playing the game with me...like a pro. But too pro...it makes me simultaneously attached and repulsed by her. What the ****?


----------



## bsd3355

^I just bring it up because obviously it's something you think about yourself which is self-proclaimed and no one else is making that a reality but you. If you don't want to think about it, then fine.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ^I just bring it up because obviously it's something you think about yourself which is self-proclaimed and no one else is making that a reality but you. If you don't want to think about it, then fine.


Unfortunately, I _can't_ stop thinking about it xD


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Unfortunately, I _can't_ stop thinking about it xD


Fair enough  haha


----------



## bsd3355

Rymo, sounds like you just want a girl to confide in a bit, which is normal, but maybe she's not on that same wavelength. Who knows.

That girl I've been talking about finally texted me back around 2:30am. Thought she was gone for good. Will stick to what I was going to do before and just keep seeing her and see where things go. She's a virgin and likely needs more time than I can clearly imagine  Meanwhile, I am still going out to meet other girls because A) I want to and B) You never know what can happen early on. I figure if a relationship is something I want then I will know for sure. Sex is important for me, as many other things, so while some women may want to wait an extended amount of time for sex, then on the same token I want to date more than one woman to see if I want a long term relationship with them or not.

Requested a ban my account again today then decided to delete it. This forum messes with my emotions sometime and makes me want to keep personal stuff for myself, but ultimately I don't think this is what I want and I'm slightly addicted to expressing myself as I'm sure people can obviously tell.


----------



## CheekyBunny

Zeeshan said:


> I'm still pretty depressed. I went out with another girl last week the date went great we even went for coffee after and she didnt want to leave
> 
> Yet stopped replying to my texts
> 
> I just don't get. If it happens once or twice I get but this is the 4th time since summer


It's okay to be upset if things don't work out but this is something I can't stand. If you're not interested in someone anymore, politely let them know. Nothing sucks more than to all of a sudden be ignored, especially if you thought everything went great.

Don't let this experience discourage you, it'll only make you tougher.


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> Rymo, sounds like you just want a girl to confide in a bit, which is normal, but maybe she's not on that same wavelength. Who knows.
> 
> That girl I've been talking about finally texted me back around 2:30am. Thought she was gone for good. Will stick to what I was going to do before and just keep seeing her and see where things go. She's a virgin and likely needs more time than I can clearly imagine  Meanwhile, I am still going out to meet other girls because A) I want to and B) You never know what can happen early on. I figure if a relationship is something I want then I will know for sure. Sex is important for me, as many other things, so while some women may want to wait an extended amount of time for sex, then on the same token I want to date more than one woman to see if I want a long term relationship with them or not.
> 
> Requested a ban my account again today then decided to delete it. This forum messes with my emotions sometime and makes me want to keep personal stuff for myself, but ultimately I don't think this is what I want and I'm slightly addicted to expressing myself as I'm sure people can obviously tell.


If you're just _dating_ then of course you should be keeping your options open and seeing other people. You have no obligation to anyone until you've established a relationship and commitment. Good on you  and I wish you all the best.


----------



## jsgt

bwidger85 said:


> Requested a ban my account again today then decided to delete it. This forum messes with my emotions sometime and makes me want to keep personal stuff for myself, but ultimately I don't think this is what I want and I'm slightly addicted to expressing myself as I'm sure people can obviously tell.


You're an inspiration and these updates give us an inside look at the dating game. Don't leave...I'm sure there are plenty of guys here that are rooting for you(myself included).


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> If you're just _dating_ then of course you should be keeping your options open and seeing other people. You have no obligation to anyone until you've established a relationship and commitment. Good on you  and I wish you all the best.


Thanks. Yes, that is how I feel.



jsgt said:


> You're an inspiration and these updates give us an inside look at the dating game. Don't leave...I'm sure there are plenty of guys here that are rooting for you(myself included).


Thanks for the support. The more honest you are with people and the more you share, I suppose you should account for the fact that you are making such things public. I get my mood swings sometimes, but I am pretty much addicted to this forum because it is the ideal place for me to express myself and share my thoughts and read about others going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel like some of the people here don't want to share what they go through, which is fine, but I hope they aren't doing it because they feel they have nothing people want to know. This thread isn't about that, and I'm not about that. But some people are more private, which is cool, and I know a lot of people simply don't care, which is cool too.

Btw, I have recorded a couple of approaches I did on campus today. I plan on uploading a couple of the videos so you guys can get a sense of what I do exactly and maybe see how easy it is. Also, one of the videos the girl asks how old I am and I tell her; I ask her and she says 19 but that does not sway her from seeming interested in me or not giving me her number, so this is something that may help some guys get over the age gap thing. Will post them shortly.


----------



## jsgt

bwidger85 said:


> Thanks. Yes, that is how I feel.
> 
> Thanks for the support. The more honest you are with people and the more you share, I suppose you should account for the fact that you are making such things public. I get my mood swings sometimes, but I am pretty much addicted to this forum because it is the ideal place for me to express myself and share my thoughts and read about others going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel like some of the people here don't want to share what they go through, which is fine, but I hope they aren't doing it because they feel they have nothing people want to know. This thread isn't about that, and I'm not about that. But some people are more private, which is cool, and I know a lot of people simply don't care, which is cool too.


Finding a place that makes you feel like you belong is a hard thing to do...so if you find such a place, you shouldn't let it go so easily. Don't mean to sound so dramatic, but it was my first thought to what you've posted.

Do you still post videos on youtube? If so, do you set them as public? I haven't been keeping up with your blogs lately but I'll subscribe to you if your vids will show up on the video feed section...


----------



## bsd3355

jsgt said:


> Do you still post videos on youtube? If so, do you set them as public? I haven't been keeping up with your blogs lately but I'll subscribe to you if your vids will show up on the video feed section...


Actually, I haven't posted any youtube videos in a while, and I took down the couple of videos I made of me approaching a long time ago. I've decided not to post the new videos here, sorry (probably shouldn't of mentioned that if I said I was).

Anyway, basically, got 4 numbers today and one email in a blizzard! I know for certain one of the numbers will not contact me back as it was forced and I can tell by how she was acting she wouldn't respond back. Will see what happens.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

I want to ask this friend/acquaintance out, but I have some trouble figuring out how I'm going to do it. I don't get a lot of opportunities to be alone with her and don't have the balls to do it with others around, I might have one or two opportunities coming Thursday, one of them is during the day when she's helping me move some stuff from my place to someone elses, but I still have to see her for the rest of the day, evening and night, so it could get pretty awkward if she turns me down and I don't have a chance to do some damage control then and there. Second chance might be at night, we have these meetings with friends which usually end in drinking games after all the serious stuff is dealt with. She and I are usually some of the last to leave, maybe we'll both leave at the same time with noone around, and I'd have a couple minutes before she has to go in a different direction. I'd prefer taking the second chance, as we'll both have some alcohol in our veins and there's more room for damage control. But I'm not sure if that opportunity will actually present itself...

Now besides finding a proper moment to do it, I also don't know how I'm gonna do it. I can't think of a way to ask her without it sounding weird. I'd like to go to an amusement park, or maybe bowling or something because I love clichés, at the very least something active so it doesn't all revolve around the conversation. But I can't just say, “Hey would you like to go to an amusement park with me some time?” or maybe slightly better but still weird and can't be said out of the blue “Man it's been years since I've been to an amusement park, you and I should totally go some time”

I also have no clue on if girls she's interested or if girls like her even consider me dateable the only girls that show clear signs of interest have terrible personalities and are single for a good reason in my opinion. Would help a bit with the confidence if I actually knew whether I'd be considered an option. 

Bonus info: She does smile at me, laugh at my jokes(most of the time) and occasionally touch my arm or whatever, but she does that with most guys so it's at most a sign she isn't repelled by me. She once may or may not have hinted at sleeping with me, basically we were drinking at my place with some friends, eventually people were leaving at one point me and her were alone in my room and I was jokingly sobbing about everyone leaving and then she said something along the lines of “I'm willing to stay over if you ask me really nicely” I guess I kinda diffused the situation without trying to find out what she meant because I wouldn't want sex before having atleast gone on a couple dates and I hadn't quite recovered from my previous crush so wasn't sure if I liked her yet. A year ago she had a friends with benefits thing with my roommate (I did not live with him yet back then), I don't that this would be a problem for either of them, the only thing that worries me is she might simply not be the relationship type, and I'm not looking for casual sex.


----------



## bsd3355

^You have to take that risk and make a move. You either do that or remain "just friends". Why does it have to be that way? Because it is. Decide whether or not you want her as someone you want to date or not and make a move. Just own up to what you want in life and try to do it unapologetically. You want to date her, to have sex with her, to have something serious with her, so you show that. If it was as easy as passing a note people would likely been doing that a long time ago. Make it clear.

If you have her number just ask her via text or phone call to go do one of the activities with you. If you don't, and want to ask via number, then first get her number then ask. But for me at this stage of where I'm at, I think it is much better for you in the long run to be upfront and unapologetic. You are a man; she is a woman, so be the man in this instance and ask. It is starting to hurt me more now hiding from my desires and not publicly being unapologetic about it. We should all strive to be free in this regard, and it's only natural. If she rejects you, you didn't lose anything. If she doesn't want to be your friend after rejecting you then she's really not your friend in the first place I would think. Don't hide from rejection.


----------



## euphoria04

jsgt said:


> You're an inspiration and these updates give us an inside look at the dating game. Don't leave...I'm sure there are plenty of guys here that are rooting for you(myself included).


I couldn't agree more. I read this thread as an inspiration for where I want to be in the future. You guys are like 5 steps ahead in the process of discovering yourselves and the dating game, I'm still on square one. But I hope to be there someday, I just need to get over my crippling fear of rejection and people in general. :yes

In the meantime, this gives me an insider's perspective as to what it's like.


----------



## J0HNNY

Getting Alf Stewart to be my wingman.


----------



## absreim

Just out of curiosity I tried Tinder for a while but it turned out to be a bust. Now I'm starting to go to singles events, such as a dance party tonight.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well I joined the dark side. Did the one thing I never though I'd do and made an online dating account. So far so good as I got a girl's number and am working from there.


----------



## Brandeezy

Jesuszilla said:


> Well I joined the dark side. Did the one thing I never though I'd do and made an online dating account. *So far so good as I got a girl's number and am working from there.*












Already? The master is in session ladies and gentlemen. Seriously, good luck though


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Already? The master is in session ladies and gentlemen. Seriously, good luck though


Yup. I am worried because of the horror stories that come with online dating. At least according to this site, so I'm trying not to expect too much.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Yup. I am worried because of the horror stories that come with online dating. At least according to this site, so I'm trying not to expect too much.


GL man. How'd the speed dating event go?


----------



## Brandeezy

Jesuszilla said:


> Yup. I am worried because of the horror stories that come with online dating. At least according to this site, so I'm trying not to expect too much.


I look at it like this, it works for some people and it doesn't. For me it doesn't but I still go online at least once a week just to see if I will get lucky. Hasn't happened yet but maybe one day lol. That being said I guarantee that there's some people on this site that would benefit from online dating but haven't tried because of things they've read. Doesn't hurt to try...


----------



## Jesuszilla

Hmm, this thread isn't posting all the comments. It says Brandeezy was the latest poster but my comment is the last one to appear


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Well I joined the dark side. Did the one thing I never though I'd do and made an online dating account. So far so good as I got a girl's number and am working from there.


Nothing special to get digits online. I remmember this one week last summer I had 6 or 7 all from pof

Lot of rejections after first date

I wouldnt say don't expect. Ive heard of guys easily having long term relationships.


----------



## Brandeezy

You can see the comments when you click "Go Advanced" but not on the page hmmm


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Hmm, this thread isn't posting all the comments. It says Brandeezy was the latest poster but my comment is the last one to appear


It happens on long threads.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> GL man. How'd the speed dating event go?


Thanks. The speed dating went horribly. Lesson learned: Don't speed date with social anxiety



Brandeezy said:


> I look at it like this, it works for some people and it doesn't. For me it doesn't but I still go online at least once a week just to see if I will get lucky. Hasn't happened yet but maybe one day lol. That being said I guarantee that there's some people on this site that would benefit from online dating but haven't tried because of things they've read. Doesn't hurt to try...


I decided to try. I honestly don't know why. Just a wave of loneliness hit me the other night and I just jumped on the first free dating site I could find.



Zeeshan said:


> Nothing special to get digits online. I remmember this one week last summer I had 6 or 7 all from pof
> 
> Lot of rejections on first date


Like I said I have read enough horror stories on SAS to know not to get my hopes up too high.


----------



## Zeeshan

What was speed dating like. How does it work? Can you talk more about it


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> What was speed dating like. How does it work? Can you talk more about it


The one I went too I was assigned a number and name badge after every 8 minutes the men switched seats to talk to about 20 or so women for the night. They don't start unless there is an even number of men and women so nobody is left out.

Then after everyone had a chance to meet, you write down who you like, the women do the same and the promoters give information to any matches they find.


----------



## Brandeezy

Jesuszilla said:


> The one I went too I was assigned a number and name badge after every 8 minutes the men switched seats to talk to about 20 or so women for the night. They don't start unless there is an even number of men and women so nobody is left out.
> 
> Then after everyone had a chance to meet, you write down who you like, the women do the same and the promoters give information to any matches they find.


Get any matches?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Get any matches?


Hell naw. I was a little too nervous. And with the constant switching to a new woman every few minutes, I didn't have time to calm down and collect myself like I would on a regular date.


----------



## Brandeezy

Jesuszilla said:


> Hell naw. I was a little too nervous. And with the constant switching to a new woman every few minutes, I didn't have time to calm down and collect myself like I would on a regular date.


Figured as much..


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Figured as much..


Yeah. All the work I've been doing with the damn SA and dating, and I still have moments like that night. It sucks big time. But I will rebound.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Yeah. All the work I've been doing with the damn SA and dating, and I still have moments like that night. It sucks big time. But I will rebound.


Right on. I think it is really admirable you still going for what you want and stepping up to the plate. That's reward within itself. Keep doing that and you'll find someone. One step at a time, but keep pushing forward


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> The one I went too I was assigned a number and name badge after every 8 minutes the men switched seats to talk to about 20 or so women for the night. They don't start unless there is an even number of men and women so nobody is left out.
> 
> Then after everyone had a chance to meet, you write down who you like, the women do the same and the promoters give information to any matches they find.


How did everyone look. Were there a lot of good looking people or average?

I would be conscious about my height in such an event I think.

Ive been looking into these. Were you upset about not having matches? Did you put down any girls as matches for you? How did you find the event?


----------



## JakeBoston1000

:idea


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> How did everyone look. Were there a lot of good looking people or average?
> 
> I would be conscious about my height in such an event I think.


I'd say mostly average to above average. They were good looking enough to make me feel inferior.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Right on. I think it is really admirable you still going for what you want and stepping up to the plate. That's reward within itself. Keep doing that and you'll find someone. One step at a time, but keep pushing forward


Well its easy to rebound when I'm texting a cute girl. :boogie

Trying to set up a date. It next weekend too long for a 1st date because I work all the way to next Friday. I guess since I work over night I can try to set up a date to meet during the afternoon or something.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> I'd say mostly average to above average. They were good looking enough to make me feel inferior.


Yeah that's my fear too. I think most women would only put the best looking as their matches. Plus I'm looking for an indian girl and usually those events are mostly white

A lot of people are having success with tinder and an indian only dating site. However the problem is that they both require Facebook which I quit in 2008. I'm done with POF bc while I can meet girls I feel none of them want anything serious. The last two short relationship s I had through pof. I caught both pofing other guys when they said they were done. I feel like pof is more for getting laid

Ive been dealing with an health issue for the past month. Its been significant enough to completely destroy my dating life. Its been very depressing. I was just gathering a lot of positive momentum. Its nothing major and I am actively seeking treatment. Shouldnt be an issue long term.

Its just completely depressed me. I'm trying to stay positive by watching comedy.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah that's my fear too. I think most women would only put the best looking as their matches. Plus I'm looking for an indian girl and usually those events are mostly white


Yes. That is my fear as well. Plus when it comes to dating I just don't like to compete with other men like that. I can eventually deal with my anxiety when it comes to talking to a girl one-on-one without any guys hitting on her, but with the speed dating I was competing with 20+ men. So it was a bad decision from me.



> A lot of people are having success with tinder and an indian only dating site. However the problem is that they both require Facebook which I quit in 2008. I'm done with POF bc while I can meet girls I feel none of them want anything serious. The last two short relationship s I had through pof. I caught both pofing other guys when they said they were done. I feel like pof is more for getting laid


Thanks for the heads on with POF. I too don't have a Facebook even though POF has some kind of dating section with Facebook? I don't know I have only been on the site for 2 days so I'm still getting used to it.



> Ive been dealing with an health issue for the past month. Its been significant enough to completely destroy my dating life. Its been very depressing. I was just gathering a lot of positive momentum. Its nothing major and I am actively seeking treatment. Shouldnt be an issue long term.
> 
> Its just completely depressed me. I'm trying to stay positive by watching comedy.


Sorry to hear that man. Hope you get better. On the bright side, it's not serious so you can recover and get healthy.

I know when I get depressed, I get _*depressed*_ so I feel your pain


----------



## bsd3355

Dating is tough, no doubt. I am addicted to the belief and the strive to accomplish though, and that keeps me in the game even if I hate it sometimes. It's a love/hate relationship, for sure 

I am still hanging out with the girl I talked about recently, but I don't expect much from it. Not even sure if it'll get to the point of sex tbh. Not saying sex is my end goal, but I'm just saying I'm not sure if it'll even get there with her. She seems slightly more talkative than before, which is a different perspective. I am actually seeing her because I want to enjoy the process of maybe getting to know her on a more personal level. If it happens, it happens; if not, then it doesn't. I want to enjoy the process right now, and regardless of what happens, I WILL enjoy the process. This is a bit of a lesson in itself. I SHOULD enjoy the process regardless of what happens, and I will.

Ups and downs all the time with dating. Crazy how it works, but I find it pretty fascinating. I would have to, considering how long I've been obsessed with developing myself in this regard. Amazingly, things overtime keep getting better--lots more rejections, but more dates, more lessons, more fascinating and addicting it becomes to me.


----------



## Zeeshan

Well its not all bad. Ive started meditating. Everyday I sit and stare at a candle for an hour. Been doing it for a week.

I have had add for my whole life. Its actually the reason I believe for my SA and problems with women. So I'm trying to develop self discipline. 

So far I think it's doing some good but can't tell. Could be placebo. I'm hoping that if I do this self discipline exercise I will be able to control my body and my emotions more.


----------



## inerameia

Nothing. My past efforts were futile. Now I'm too depressed to care.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Going to meet up with the girl I met online yesterday. Hopefully it goes well


----------



## Brandeezy

Good luck Jesuszilla

But on the topic of online dating, why are these women so obsessed with the "Country"? All I see is "I need a country boy", "I'm a real country girl", "The country raised me" then their profile is filled with "I like to go hunting, ride ATVs, ride horses, listen to country music, blah blah blah". Funny thing is that these people are located nowhere near the country and live in the Bay Area California where there is no space to do any of these things. I've been to the real country back in GA and they didn't ride horses/ATVs, listen to country music, etc. Too many posers online


----------



## bsd3355

^Haha, exactly. They likely listen to too much country music...


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Good luck Jesuszilla
> 
> But on the topic of online dating, why are these women so obsessed with the "Country"? All I see is "I need a country boy", "I'm a real country girl", "The country raised me" then their profile is filled with "I like to go hunting, ride ATVs, ride horses, listen to country music, blah blah blah". Funny thing is that these people are located nowhere near the country and live in the Bay Area California where there is no space to do any of these things. I've been to the real country back in GA and they didn't ride horses/ATVs, listen to country music, etc. Too many posers online


I have noticed the country thing as well. I assumed it was because I live in Texas which is understandable since hunting, fishing, camping, dirt biking are common activities here. Didn't know it was a thing in Cali though?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Date was okay but there is literally nothing between us other then a few superficial common hobbies. Otherwise we are about as different as a hardcore right winger and a left wing nut job.

And no opposites don't attract.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Date was okay but there is literally nothing between us other then a few superficial common hobbies. Otherwise we are about as different as a hardcore right winger and a left wing nut job.
> 
> And no opposites don't attract.


Did you find her attractive


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Did you find her attractive


Yes. Fortunately it wasn't one of those older pictures or something crazy like that.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes. Fortunately it wasn't one of those older pictures or something crazy like that.


Did she find you attractive. Dont messege her again she if she texts you. Just out of curiosity


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> Did she find you attractive. Dont messege her again she if she texts you. Just out of curiosity


I assume so. I don't want a relationship with her though.

But why not answer the text out of curiosity? Now I'm curious on where you're going with that. Is it a way to prove she finds me attractive?


----------



## bsd3355

^A lot of girls won't text you even if they like you because in their minds it is abnormal to make moves. You should just go for what you want and do what you want regardless.


----------



## The Linux Guy

grrrrrr can't get a girl! 
I must be trash!


----------



## Zeeshan

bwidger85 said:


> ^A lot of girls won't text you even if they like you because in their minds it is abnormal to make moves. You should just go for what you want and do what you want regardless.


If you went out on a date with the girl

and say you two texted the next day for a bit, then you send her a text and she doesnt reply back.

Is it over for you? This is what happend with the last girl i went out on a date with. After she didnt reply to my text, i pretty much called it.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> I assume so. I don't want a relationship with her though.
> 
> But why not answer the text out of curiosity? Now I'm curious on where you're going with that. Is it a way to prove she finds me attractive?


No i meant to say dont text her first, see if she texts you. Everytime a girl has been interested in me, she has texted me when i havent texted the next day


----------



## RelinquishedHell

I'm trying to figure out why the hell girls lose interest in me so quickly. They act like they are very into me and then the interest just dies out in no time.


----------



## The Linux Guy

RelinquishedHell said:


> I'm trying to figure out why the hell girls lose interest in me so quickly. They act like they are very into me and then the interest just dies out in no time.


I don't have any experience in real life. But that has always the way it's been for me online!


----------



## Zeeshan

RelinquishedHell said:


> I'm trying to figure out why the hell girls lose interest in me so quickly. They act like they are very into me and then the interest just dies out in no time.


who knows,

you cant tell anything

if there is one thing you learn about women is that its impossible to read them


----------



## RelinquishedHell

IsolatedButHopeful said:


> I don't have any experience in real life. But that has always the way it's been for me online!


I've never taken online dating seriously. Irl, girls will come onto me, but if I dare show any interest back then they run away. But if I ignore them and show no interest, then I get accused of being a stuck up a**hole. Catch 22, can't win no matter what I do.


----------



## The Linux Guy

RelinquishedHell said:


> I've never taken online dating seriously. Irl, girls will come onto me, but if I dare show any interest back then they run away. But if I ignore them and show no interest, then I get accused of being a stuck up a**hole. Catch 22, can't win no matter what I do.


Online dating is the only way I can talk to girls. Real life doesn't even allow for it. Hence my user name Isolated.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> who knows,
> 
> you cant tell anything
> 
> if there is one thing you learn about women is that its impossible to read them


actions over words. it is very unpredictable dating at first. time eventually lets you know if she's interested or not. in the meantime, if you think you are doing things fine, then there is nothing you can do because that is out of your control.


----------



## shinycaptain

Zeeshan said:


> who knows,
> 
> you cant tell anything
> 
> if there is one thing you learn about women is that its impossible to read them


Haha that's what I think about guys- you think so differently to us girls it's confusing for me to know what you guys are thinking about!!


----------



## franklin86

I have been going to the park and attempting to talk to women. I wish they were more approachable though. The ones I'm interested in always jog, wear sunglasses, and have headphones on. I approached one and asked her if her body itched from running (I didn't want to just tell her I thought she was cute). We spoke briefly but then I left her alone because I thought I was annoying her.


----------



## shinycaptain

franklin86 said:


> I have been going to the park and attempting to talk to women. I wish they were more approachable though. The ones I'm interested in always jog, wear sunglasses, and have headphones on. * I approached one and asked her if her body itched from running* (I didn't want to just tell her I thought she was cute). We spoke briefly but then I left her alone because I thought I was annoying her.


LOL that is super creepy. I guess most of the women there are there to exercise.


----------



## franklin86

shinycaptain said:


> LOL that is super creepy. I guess most of the women there are there to exercise.


Well, my body was itching and I was curious if it was common among people that run. I was then hoping to have a conversation about exercise and then ask her out.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

bwidger85 said:


> So I tried to go for sex this meet up with the girl I'm seeing. Access denied. And to be honest, super frustrating. I really don't understand the whole "not ready" concept. The last two girls I saw seemed to have legitimate reasons I guess. The first was sexual assaulted (which I really have NO idea what is like, so of course I respect that decision on her part, don't get me wrong), and the second was a virgin.
> 
> So yeah, the girl I've been dating lately is a virgin, which really isn't that big a shocker, but when she said she hasn't had a "boyfriend" in 4 years I almost couldn't believe it. She's so pretty it just didn't make much sense. So since I we are laying there half-naked and I knew nothing was going to happen I just figured I might as well pick her brain and ask her a trillion questions. Supposedly, no guy has even asked her out in 4 years!? Her last boyfriend, they dated for 10 months and he never even kissed her! So after hearing all that, everything started making sense to me. She is a super nice girl, but she has like NO background history with ANYTHING. I mean, I asked her so many questions and tried to get something interesting out of her and all I found was a blank slate. I have NEVER met anyone with such a blank slate; I was dumbfounded. I asked her what was the craziest thing that has happened in her life was and she said she played the xylophone in band. And I was asking her questions about sex about EVERYTHING. Never in my life have a met a girl so void of experiences in my entire life. No wonder she hardly talked--she literally seems to have NOTHING interesting ever happen in her life, ever. I still can't believe it...
> 
> To her credit though, she is a nice girl, and believe it or not, of course I respect her decision for not wanting to have sex. It has nothing to do with age either. Not having sex has nothing to do with our ages. It also had nothing to do with her being attracted to me or not because she was, it was clear. It clearly comes down to complete opposites. I should of asked her if she had something mental issues or something because I can't see how you can be that old and not have anything interesting happen in your life, ever. She's a physics student, she's not stupid, she has a job, a VERY nice apartment, a car, etc., etc..... she is just void. And not dating for 4 years!? Wtf!!!!? She said a guy hasn't asked her out in 4 years!!!?? When I hear that I feel like she was just willing to date anybody and I was the only guy who made a move on her? The last girl I dated before her has schizoaffective, which I didn't notice, and so it makes me wonder if the only reason I'm getting any girls I'm attracted to is because they have some issues or something. How desperate would you be with such a lack of experience and no guys making the moves? She's pretty, but obviously has no clue wtf is going on in the dating world. I'm not even sure she cares either. This one is going down in the mental books as one of the weirdest dating experiences I will probably ever experience...
> 
> Once again, I respect a girl's decision for not wanting to have sex. That is her decision and she has that right. But I can't ****ing deal with it... dude, that's just not for me... it's be one thing if we had good chemistry or something, but damn..next next next next...
> 
> end rant
> 
> Back on the grind. No worries. Will hopefully meet a girl who works better for me next time


Send her over my way. I'd would have liked to experience things together.


----------



## Ali477

I've been talking online to a qt I've been skyping/doing language exchange with for a few months now, if im honest I've taken a bit of a liking to her (She seems like a really nice girl despite the culture/language barrier)

Anyway longstory short I am due to go to Taiwan on study leave for 12 months next may to improve my fluency with Mandarin, In the middle of a casual conversation about this she said she wanted to meet me IRL when I come over 

I was pretty shocked and managed to play it off cool but didn't really give a straight yes or no answer, I have no idea what to do I mean if I send her a message about meeting up out of the blue I will probably come across as a creeper/weirdo.

Should I wait it out until she mentions it again?? help me out here guys I am a complete social reject even online :afr


----------



## rymo

Jaax said:


> I've been talking online to a qt I've been skyping/doing language exchange with for a few months now, if im honest I've taken a bit of a liking to her (She seems like a really nice girl despite the culture/language barrier)
> 
> Anyway longstory short I am due to go to Taiwan on study leave for 12 months next may to improve my fluency with Mandarin, In the middle of a casual conversation about this she said she wanted to meet me IRL when I come over
> 
> I was pretty shocked and managed to play it off cool but didn't really give a straight yes or no answer, I have no idea what to do I mean if I send her a message about meeting up out of the blue I will probably come across as a creeper/weirdo.
> 
> Should I wait it out until she mentions it again?? help me out here guys I am a complete social reject even online :afr


She said she wants to meet you, there's really no chance you would creep her out by being forward about that. Just don't skirt around the subject. If she senses that you're uncomfortable with it, that's the only time when she will be too, and then it _could _become creepy. When you're close to going to Taiwan, just tell her you're looking forward to meeting her and that you'll give her a call soon.


----------



## bsd3355

SO the girl I've been dating I just kept pushing some more questions to see how she thought about things, and surprisingly she was really open and honest with me. Make a long story short, we were incompatible with our views on things, which I wanted to bring to the surface so I can basically move on because I could sense a disconnect as far as seeing things differently. Like I said, I asked her certain questions so I could get a better sense of how she felt about things, and she said something that indicated to me it wasn't going to work out (of course she just didn't say that [figures]), so that's that. I'm actually glad we had this talk and found out sooner than later we weren't compatable, especially on my end, because she seems like the type to not really tell me how she felt unless I probed her for it very directly, which I did. I felt like if I didn't ask certain questions I would of got frustrated at the turtle's pace of things so brought it up sooner than later at first sense of the disconnect.

Meanwhile...

Been collecting numbers here and there. Usual flakes. Have a date tomorrow with a Korean girl. Not really sure how that will turn out because exchange students seem kind of eager to make friends, even though I specifically told her it was going to be a coffee date. I plan on "screening" her to see if she is _really_ down to date or not lol by basically going for a kiss and seeing how she reacts. I expect her to not be ready for it and deny it, but I'm going to push for it lol... it sounds a little weird, but honestly this is a good thing to do sometimes because if a girl doesn't want to date you, a lot of the time when you make a move like that she'll flake very soon after...regardless if she kisses me or not, if I go for it and she denies me but still decides to meet up another time for another date then I can pretty much bet my money on the fact she's interested but simply wasn't ready or expecting the kiss..hardly any girl will keep dating you if you make a blatant move like if she's not interested, so it's a good thing to test to see what she thinks...a girl who is interested in dating you usually will keep dating you even if you make a move and she rejects it early on....plus, it sounds like fun, so why not  some people may think this is a stupid move, but it's pretty damn smart if you ask me...it's a great way to test what a girl really wants so you don't waste each other's time


----------



## veron

^What were the incompatibilities with the first girl, I wonder?

As for the second one and going in for the kiss, that's pretty much what my boyfriend did to me. Actually, he asked me to be his girlfriend and tried to hold my hand on the first date, and he tried to kiss me on the second one. He's had 10 or so girlfriends before me, so I'd say you're heading down the right track with that move, lol.


----------



## absreim

I have a college alumni holiday party to go to next month. Most of the people there will be younger than I am, which is a huge plus because guys like to date girls that are same age or younger, which limits the pool for a guy in his 20s. Additional pluses are that people there tend to be intelligent and that everyone will be dressed in semi-formal/cocktail attire.

Seems like the perfect setting to meet girls if you can get past the anxiety that a setting like that induces. Too bad it only comes around once a year.


----------



## Sourdog

Really been sticking to exercising lately and feel so much better about myself.


----------



## bsd3355

veron said:


> ^What were the incompatibilities with the first girl, I wonder?
> 
> As for the second one and going in for the kiss, that's pretty much what my boyfriend did to me. Actually, he asked me to be his girlfriend and tried to hold my hand on the first date, and he tried to kiss me on the second one. He's had 10 or so girlfriends before me, so I'd say you're heading down the right track with that move, lol.


The first girl said she wasn't too comfortable with the age difference (she is 19), but I don't think that was the main problem. She is very inexperienced in dating, but I've learned when something doesn't feel right then that something is something that people can't ignore. I think we weren't on the same wavelength with many things: ideas, thoughts about sex, age differences. I didn't want to bring up the age difference reason on this site in particular because I don't want people to automatically blame the reason on her being younger than me, because that's not a big issue for a lot of people. Maybe her though, so Idk... but i knew it wasn't going to work out because I got that vibe and we seem to be on different wavelengths.

Had the date with the korean girl. As expected, even though I made it specifically clear we were going on a "coffee date", she showed up with her friend mask on. Regardless, I went for the kiss, kissed her on the lips a couple times but it was forced and she didn't really want it. I'm happy I did it though because now I know.

Collected 2 numbers today waiting for date to show up today lol

Dating ain't no joke for dudes. Honestly, if you can't handle the constant flakes of girls then you aren't going to be able to be successful in the way you want when it comes to actually dating. Some better looking guys may get "success" faster in some instances, but they get flaked a lot too. It is like a part of the process when you approach a woman you hardly know and try to date her. I don't know where this notion that approaching a few girls will land you a girlfriend, because that definitely is not the case (usually). Any guys who have done it lately, PM me and tell me how you did it because unless she approached you, or unless she was obviously into you before you attempted to date her, then you are approaching girls of whom you have no idea of what they want or who they are ("cold-approach"), and chances are you are getting flakes and rejections left and right. But the beauty of this is it teaches us to grow into not caring about the stuff that really shouldn't bother us in the first place: rejections, flakes, etc. With anything in life you need to be consistent and steadfast. While this is women we are talking about, and not something non-complex, if you put in the right amount of effort and are unattached to silly things like rejections, then you will eventually find someone you like. If you stay in it after you find someone you like, then you are casually dating and you'll find ANOTHER girl you'll like. But you have to learn to be easy on yourself, trust the process and trust that it will come. The weirdest thing about dating is that it typically has so many variables in it and it can be so unpredictable at times that you simply have to except certain unknowns and you have to let go of any "percentages" in your mind as far as progress or successes. The one thing you will notice is that you will increase your dates the better you get at meeting girls, and other things will increase depending on your goals and how you go about things. Sounds robotic, but it's true. Of course, you can't control another human being, and no one says they want to, but the way you go about meeting girls has a lot to do with your perception and the actions you take, which is why I say things can get better. This gets even more complex when you think about certain instances to meet girls, what to say, controlling your emotions, etc....which is why this is such a huge but interesting thing.

Some won't agree, but that's just my view on it. Yes, it sounds simple and non-complicated, but dealing with random variables, like how you do in dating, you'll find things aren't so smooth! Better get used to it and man-up!


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ Damn you got numbers while waiting on a date? I never thought of that, nor have I ever heard of that.

I agree with you about the rant. I admit I am still hurt from flaking and rejection. As in if I'm rejected I would consider it a failure and won't ask a girl out for the rest of the day. With flaking, I'm learning to accept it, but still hurts a little. 

Reading your comment made me wonder if I'm cut out for dating. I don't mind asking girls out occasionally but I cannot delve into getting numbers and setting up dates the way you and rymo does. I'm happy with a date a week or something minimal like that. 

I question myself because asking girls numbers is draining most of the time. And I really don't like to talk to all these girls just to get ONE phone number and she flakes later. It just seems like the work I'm putting in isn't worth it. Until I start feeling lonely that is. Loneliness is my #1 motivator to keep trying.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> ^ Damn you got numbers while waiting on a date? I never thought of that, nor have I ever heard of that.
> 
> I agree with you about the rant. I admit I am still hurt from flaking and rejection. As in if I'm rejected I would consider it a failure and won't ask a girl out for the rest of the day. With flaking, I'm learning to accept it, but still hurts a little.
> 
> Reading your comment made me wonder if I'm cut out for dating. I don't mind asking girls out occasionally but I cannot delve into getting numbers and setting up dates the way you and rymo does. I'm happy with a date a week or something minimal like that.
> 
> I question myself because asking girls numbers is draining most of the time. And I really don't like to talk to all these girls just to get ONE phone number and she flakes later. It just seems like the work I'm putting in isn't worth it. Until I start feeling lonely that is. Loneliness is my #1 motivator to keep trying.


If you want to have an active dating life as a guy meeting lots of women that you are interested in, then yes, it is work. However, perspectives change how you feel doing something, and if you enjoy the process and grow from it, it's not so bad. You can learn to enjoy the process and enjoy yourself amidst all the challenges. It's a strange thing, the more I do it then better I internalize things, the more fun I have and the less setbacks bother me, but you have to really want to stick with it. Putting in the work and effort is way, way, way worth it to me, especially knowing that I can internalize things inside of me that will only make things that much easier. I am continually improving my outlook and my results because of my experience and perspective. People who aren't actively approaching and getting rejected and learning can't really relate to what I'm saying. It is definitely a learning experience. I have a lot to say about it, and there is a lot to talk about lol

Most of it is learning to let go, having a positive outlook, expecting results, which is something difficult in itself. Letting go allows you to enjoy yourself, the process, and be less affected by the setbacks. Easier said than done

I don't feel like I have "conquered" this area of my life by any means, and just because I have 1 or two dates a week now, that doesn't really mean squat. But things get better as I grow and learn

I heard once that being successful in dating is basically "shaving away the excuses". Because while it seems insane to think you can succeed at finding someone you really like and being good at doing it, a lot of it is tied into excuses. Some are better excuses than others. "I'm too fat; too old; too poor; too short; too shy; too loud; too quite; too stupid; too smart"...etc. etc...etc... just think of the constant bombardment of excuses you tell yourself daily that you can't achieve success in this area....you will find it comes in many forms constantly...the biggest challenge is saying you "can" to all those excuses, and sometimes that only comes through experience and taking massive action to prove your excuses wrong


----------



## Jesuszilla

How long did it take for you to "let go" and have fun? I have both experiences where I for the most have fun, other times I feel almost robotic talking to girls I'm interested in. Well not robotic more like an android*programmed to act a certain way to attract girls. And I continue to act a certain way because it has led to the most success with women.

That is were it starts to feel draining. Sometimes I feel so forced and fake and girls are buying into someone else as I repress the self conscious, socially anxious me to ask them out. But this could all be just my experience. Maybe learning to let go is the answer I need to feel positive about all this dating. 

I am proud that since January 2013 I have done so much from being terrified to ask girls out until now.


----------



## bsd3355

I didn't "let go" of all my anxieties, but I have found ways to reduce them dramatically given certain situations. Most of it is how you think. For instance, if you were in a bar you can be telling your mind negative self-talk or positive self-talk. You can be negative and think everyone is judging you and hating on you and that you aren't worthy, etc. Or, you can be in a positive frame and think that what you are doing is natural and normal; people who don't want to talk is fine; rejection isn't always something personal and it's normal and part of the process; enjoying other people's company; being outcome dependent; etc. Those two changes in perspectives change everything from what you think, feel, how you act, how you are perceived, etc. It is literally the difference between thinking "this is hard and taxing on me" to "this is fun and carefree". It's why "inner-game" is far, far more important than anything you are doing on the outside. Fake it till you make it is usually what you have to do at first, and eventually you become more comfortable, confident and gain more positive experiences which help you become more positive. It's a hard question to answer, but just know that your perception and what you think is what will make you or break you in dating.

I used to be really hard on myself when I got rejected. Now my perspective has change to tell me "I'm guaranteed success if I keep going. This is part of the process, so it isn't uncommon nor weird. There a zillion different reasons why this didn't work out. The faster the rejection the faster I find someone I like. Don't look at percentages and focus on the positives gained. Enjoy the process"......lots and lots of positive thoughts in other words, and they get stronger when they are backed up by evidence to make them more concrete. I truly believe success is guaranteed for me if I keep going. I am not doing wishful thinking at this point. Yes, I get rejected a lot, but look at how much I am dating. If I want to put my attention on certain things then I feel I can do that successfully if I put my mind to it, because I know it is possible with regard to this subject, only because I know what it takes and I know I can do it as I know myself and the limits of what I'm doing. If I hit the limit, or if I hit something that I cannot control, then I will admit that, but I have yet found the complete limit to where I can go because I keep learning and improving inside and making progress.

If I fail with getting a certain amount of numbers, then I usually try something else or put in more time to reach that goal. If the numbers are flaking, then I change my perspective on the matter or try something else until I find things that help with that or compensate (get more dates; more numbers). If I can't get dates then I increase the number of approaches I do; the number of numbers; the more positive thoughts and actions. If I can't get a girlfriend then I add more to what I have already. Only certain things I can't do, which is control people entirely, or control the population size, etc., but ironically, a lot of things are within our control and work ethic. There are more ways to do something, which is strange considering most people think they've tried it all, but it takes a different approach, perspective or work ethic. If it is something I cannot control then I will try to admit that to myself, but then I will somehow, someway learn to accept or appreciate my situation...lots of things happen when you want something and you keep trying.

I'm happy to admit to myself and others that I don't feel like I can't succeed in this area and I am determined to make it happen. Call me an optimist, but years ago people would of thought a lot of the things I am doing now isn't possible. Imagine what things will be like 5 years from now for me?

cool video off the top of my head that i remember watching that kind of talks about what i said:


----------



## Jesuszilla

So far online dating hasn't been horrible just really, really mundane and boring. I have no clue how guys delve themselves in online dating. 

Anxiety aside, there is some fun and accomplishment and talking to girls IRL.

Anyway, I went ahead and messaged a few more ladies and started to chat with a cute young lady relatively close to my area of town. I'm going to text her and try and set something up for tomorrow. Too cold and wet to go out tonight.


----------



## dal user

You've gotta be at least average looking for online dating, thats why I dont bither with it.


----------



## whatyoumustthink

Here's a question...

Why is it that every time POF has told me a girl "wants to meet me", and I then send them a message, they then ignore me and don't answer? Is POF just scamming me when it tells me this? If so I can't be bothered wasting my time. I'm trying to take a break from seeking out relationships because it just continues to hurt me and, more importantly, I don't do very well at it, so it'd be good to know if I'm getting false hope from these.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Courted a beautiful and amazing girl who was hired at my work almost 2 months ago. I got her number the first day that I worked a shift with her. That night, she texted me, and the communication has been equal and abundant ever since. Our first hang out was supposed to be at Yogurtland, but I was more in the mood for real food when it was time to meet up, so I told her to meet me at a Mexican restaurant that served bomb food. We clicked so well that night, and made out passionately in my car before dropping her off. 

It wasn't until a few dates in, that I found out she had an ex boyfriend who was still in contact with her. She had dated him for 2 years and then she broke up with him, because they would always get into a lot of arguments. He was a troubled guy with a bad past and was emotionally manipulative and abusive towards her. The fact that she was still in contact with him a year after breaking up heavily concerned me. I told her in the nicest most relaxed way that I care about her and want to be with her, but she has to make up her mind about who she wants to be with. She said she wanted to be with me. However, despite her efforts to get rid of him, he still wouldn't leave her alone. 

Her ex would show up at our work, and plea for her to give him another chance to work things out. She would always reject him. I didn't let the psycho ex drama phase me. The problem was, she would still answer his phone calls and texts. I made it real clear to her that it wasn't right for to continue talking with her ex while going out with a guy who was looking for a relationship with her. I told her if a girl really wanted a guy out of her life, she could easily make that happen. I said to her that if she didn't change her number and block him, that I wouldn't be able to see her anymore and we'd just be coworkers. She took my conditions seriously and did just what I asked.

My other condition was for her to introduce me to her parents. I wanted to meet her dad, a pastor, to shake his hand firmly and allow me to date his daughter. Even though he knew we were already dating and was okay with it, I put in that extra effort to receive his approval and show off my character. Her mom liked me since the moment we met, whereas she never liked her daughter's ex. This good-hearted girl, who was always surrounded by the constant negativity of her ex boyfriends, was beginning to see what a good guy was like in her life.

In between mini dates at the park and seeing each other on our lunch breaks, we went on our second actual date to go watch Catching Fire. We cuddled and kissed in the theater, and it was another successful date. We agreed to take things slow since the beginning, just getting to know each other and develop an emotional connection not based on sex. This was totally out of the ordinary for me, but proved to be a much more effective way of finding out if she was the right person for me. 

Fast forward to a few days ago. While working a late shift together, filled with lots of sexual tension, she comes to my register when nobody is around and buys condoms and lube. She tells me she can't wait to use them with me. This has me excited and I prepare myself and my place for her the next day. She ends up being busy visiting a family member in the hospital, so we never meet up. Then that night she texts me disconcerting messages asking if I really want to be with her, that I don't know who she really is, and that she has loose ends that she has yet to tell me about. 

I call her right away and ask what all this was about. She tells me she wants to do things right with me and wants to be completely honest with me about everything in her life. What I learn is that she received an email from a guy friend of hers she's known for 3 years who she's always had a crush on. While she was dating her ex, this guy was dating her friend. After her friend and him broke up, he tried to hook up with her while she was still with her ex (they kissed). This caused a lot of rifts in her relationship, and she told this guy friend that they weren't right for each other. They still remained friends, while she was going through the breakup with her ex. 

So in this email, the guy friend, who she hasn't spoken to in almost a year, out of no where says he misses her and asks when are they going to hang out and finish where they left off. She tells him she's dating someone (me) and doesn't want to see him. He goes on to try and persuade her to hook up, that things aren't going good in his current relationship, and that he wants to try sex with her. She turns down his offer, and he goes on to call her a bunch of terrible things. She asks me if I really want to be with a girl who has this type of drama constantly going on her life. Still not phased by any of it, I tell her I definitely want to continue seeing her, and she feels a weight lifted off her shoulders. 

Two days later (yesterday), she tells me she wants to hang out in the afternoon before I go into work late. She also hints that I should convince my parents to leave. Since my parents were settled on staying home, I had to let them know that she was coming over and that we were going to hang out and watch a movie. I was surprised with how okay they were with the idea, considering how conservative and religious they are. My mom told me no 'hanky panky' under their roof, to save that for a hotel or somewhere else. Despite your depiction of me, I've never had a girl over in this context before. I would always drive to my ex's house since she lived far and didn't have a car. So with that said, I introduced her to my parents, and even though I thought it was going to be an awkward situation, it wasn't. We eventually went into my room, and she told me to put on an action movie. This girl is smart.

Despite my parents demands to not have sex in their house, that's exactly what unfolded in my room. We had an incredible love making session and it was better than I could have imagined. This girl had never received such pleasure and satisfaction from any of her ex's (sex was always about them and not her). It was actually a very special moment, because of the length of time we took to get to know each other and all the issues we worked through during that time. I felt so empowered, not only doing it for the first time in my bed, while my parents were home, but with a girl who I was so determined to be with while most guys would have quit from the start. Back to the story, we were expecting a walk of shame afterwards, but my parents acted like nothing happened. 

This girl and I are developing something special, and we're growing closer together each day. Tonight she told me she's falling in love with me. No girl has ever said that to me. I told her I feel the same way too.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Congrats ManOfFewWords. I hope her past relationship complications are done and settled and you two have a great relationship.


----------



## jsgt

ManOfFewWords said:


> .


Glad to hear it. Sounds like you're being careful and thinking this out. Much luck to you!


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Thanks zilla and jsgt. And as a side note, dat gorgeous face... dem t***es... ahhhh. I'm in heaven. Personality is off the charts too. I sometimes can't believe this girl likes me.


----------



## scooby

ManOfFewWords said:


> .


Wow. Well done, champ!


----------



## Beingofglass

If just I could learn to trust new women, I would do something.

It is possible that I may need to get therapy for that in the future. Not any significant Progress in the last years time.

Until then, working on myself overall. Better social skills, getting educated, getting even fitter, working out all my mental issues one by one.


----------



## Zeeshan

^so alpha

I'm so jealous

Imo opinion you won her over when you told her how it's gonna be instead of asking

Good going


----------



## phoenixwright

whatyoumustthink said:


> Here's a question...
> 
> Why is it that every time POF has told me a girl "wants to meet me", and I then send them a message, they then ignore me and don't answer? Is POF just scamming me when it tells me this? If so I can't be bothered wasting my time. I'm trying to take a break from seeking out relationships because it just continues to hurt me and, more importantly, I don't do very well at it, so it'd be good to know if I'm getting false hope from these.


POF is not scamming. It's just that girls don't take online dating very seriously. Online dating is a sausage fest and girls get constantly bombarded with messages. You get lost in the loop. Night game (night clubs and bars) is also a sausage fest and you will get cock-blocked all night by female friends and white knights/beta orbiters/etc.

The best way to meet a girlfriend is through your social circle. If your social circle is an incel (involuntary celibate) sausage fest, then get yourself a social circle that includes females. I have tried Meetup groups but haven't found any women there that I click with. I made a few female friends but it never progressed beyond friendship. 2 girls knew my intentions (interested in them as more than just a friend) and weren't interested. Cold approaching is garbage. Especially in Toronto. Here in Toronto, mall security at the Eaton's Centre and other malls are going after men who cold approach girls and banning them from malls. There is a pick up artist group in Toronto that meets up at the Eaton's Centre and has their pupils mass-approach women at the mall. ****ing morons.

@Bwidger and Rymo, you guys better watch out because mall and campus security are cracking down on day game. Not just in Toronto (Toronto is the day game capital of the world but I hear that mall and campus security in the US are cracking down on pick up artists too). With all the sexual experience you have picked up, you guys probably have good mixed-gender social circles by now anyway.

Work is another great place for meeting women. But things can get messy at the office if it doesn't work out. I bet the cute admin girl I asked out last year has made fun of me behind my back with the girls at the office. Can you imagine if I banged that girl and then she told all the ladies at the office that I had trouble getting it up or keeping it up? I don't trust people. People are ****ing *******s. I have tried to take care of the issue with testosterone replacement therapy and now trying no-fap (and I still have problems). Even if I did take care of the issue, I wouldn't want to date someone who would be that much of an ******* (telling co-workers about your private sex life and making fun of you).


----------



## Jesuszilla

phoenixwright you are absolutely right about the best way to meet women is a social circle. 

My brother has had my sister hook him up with women especially her hot friends plenty of times. Sadly she refuses to do the same for me, so I'm forced to try cold approaching, online dating, speed dating and all the other outlets to meet women with just a handful of dates but nothing solid.

My brother and sister also have a very active social lives and are very popular and easily meet people.


----------



## phoenixwright

Jesuszilla said:


> phoenixwright you are absolutely right about the best way to meet women is a social circle.
> 
> My brother has had my sister hook him up with women especially her hot friends plenty of times. Sadly she refuses to do the same for me, so I'm forced to try cold approaching, online dating, speed dating and all the other outlets to meet women with just a handful of dates but nothing solid.
> 
> My brother and sister also have a very active social lives and are very popular and easily meet people.


It sounds like your sister feels embarrassed by you. That is terrible.

Speed dating is also a sausage fest and terrible for men. Often times they'll have registration quotas for men to ensure sausage control.

Online social networking is also really bad for men. As well as Tinder (smartphone app where they match people who are mutually interested in each other's looks). Plain janes get white knighted by men on the regular on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, MySpace, Tinder, etc. So you get lost in the shuffle.


----------



## fineline

lift weights with my penis


----------



## Jesuszilla

phoenixwright said:


> It sounds like your sister feels embarrassed by you. That is terrible.
> 
> Speed dating is also a sausage fest and terrible for men. Often times they'll have registration quotas for men to ensure sausage control.
> 
> Online social networking is also really bad for men. As well as Tinder (smartphone app where they match people who are mutually interested in each other's looks). Plain janes get white knighted by men on the regular on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, MySpace, Tinder, etc. So you get lost in the shuffle.


Yeah. My sister and brother are like best friends. I'm kind of out of the loop.

Speed dating was a horrible experience. I doubt I'll ever try again. I so agree about online, but I have had my share of dates so it hasn't been horrible. I just don't use online dating as my primary way to meet girls. I just check it every few days and send out messages.

I don't have any social media accounts like FaceBook or Instagram, so I wouldn't know. I'd imagine that girls would post a couple of sexy pictures and guys flock to it with thumbs up. Don't know how common it is though so I can't criticize too much.


----------



## bsd3355

this thread is like the energizer bunny, yo


----------



## dcaffeine

Increasing my confidence every day. Increasing my conversation skills every day. Increasing my creativity every day. Using caffeine and nicotine.


----------



## Brandeezy

I think cold approaching is pointless imo. What are the odds that a girl who you don't know is going to go out with you on a date? That's why their are so many flakes, the majority of the time women give you their number because they are being nice. That's also the main reason why I never attempted. Like phoenix said, social circles are the best way to go. That's how most of my family members found their S/O. Too bad I don't have a social circle and the work thing didn't work out. The other girl I was interested in quit so now there's no girl I want to pursue, unless they hire someone which I doubt


----------



## andy1984

i'm trying some online dating and i'm trying to be more social on meetup - still just the anxiety group atm though.

nothing is really happening, though i started having a good conversation with a girl on the dating site - not really compatible though. and the others i talked to the conversation just petered out. i'm reminded of how hard it is just to find someone who is a possible gf let alone go through the rigmarole of trying to start something.


----------



## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> POF is not scamming. It's just that girls don't take online dating very seriously. Online dating is a sausage fest and girls get constantly bombarded with messages. You get lost in the loop. Night game (night clubs and bars) is also a sausage fest and you will get cock-blocked all night by female friends and white knights/beta orbiters/etc.
> 
> The best way to meet a girlfriend is through your social circle. If your social circle is an incel (involuntary celibate) sausage fest, then get yourself a social circle that includes females. I have tried Meetup groups but haven't found any women there that I click with. I made a few female friends but it never progressed beyond friendship. 2 girls knew my intentions (interested in them as more than just a friend) and weren't interested. Cold approaching is garbage. Especially in Toronto. Here in Toronto, mall security at the Eaton's Centre and other malls are going after men who cold approach girls and banning them from malls. There is a pick up artist group in Toronto that meets up at the Eaton's Centre and has their pupils mass-approach women at the mall. ****ing morons.
> 
> @Bwidger and Rymo, you guys better watch out because mall and campus security are cracking down on day game. Not just in Toronto (Toronto is the day game capital of the world but I hear that mall and campus security in the US are cracking down on pick up artists too). With all the sexual experience you have picked up, you guys probably have good mixed-gender social circles by now anyway.
> 
> Work is another great place for meeting women. But things can get messy at the office if it doesn't work out. I bet the cute admin girl I asked out last year has made fun of me behind my back with the girls at the office. Can you imagine if I banged that girl and then she told all the ladies at the office that I had trouble getting it up or keeping it up? I don't trust people. People are ****ing *******s. I have tried to take care of the issue with testosterone replacement therapy and now trying no-fap (and I still have problems). Even if I did take care of the issue, I wouldn't want to date someone who would be that much of an ******* (telling co-workers about your private sex life and making fun of you).


I think all ways are possible. Each way of meeting someone has its pros and cons. Sometimes some ways are better than others; sometimes they aren't. Just find what you enjoy doing most and what works for you and you're set. There is no one perfect way to meet someone, and generally, the more avenues open, the more options you'll have.

As far as me being worried about being arrested for talking to girls, this is a free country and it's not illegal. The day men and women are banned from approaching and talking to one another is...well, never going to happen.


----------



## Ignopius

I'm jealous of ManOfFewWords…...grrrrrrr (congrats man) 

Well I'm not really doing anything to get the girl I like. She's shown a some interest but I'm terrible at flirting and making a mood. =(


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I think cold approaching is pointless imo. What are the odds that a girl who you don't know is going to go out with you on a date? That's why their are so many flakes, the majority of the time women give you their number because they are being nice. That's also the main reason why I never attempted. Like phoenix said, social circles are the best way to go. That's how most of my family members found their S/O. Too bad I don't have a social circle and the work thing didn't work out. The other girl I was interested in quit so now there's no girl I want to pursue, unless they hire someone which I doubt


You admit your only option right now is to cold approach, and yet you completely discount it (when you haven't even tried it)? Does not compute. I could see being afraid of rejection, that's natural - but to just completely dismiss it for no good reason - unfortunate.


----------



## IcedOver

I've got . . . something . . . cooking from online. It wouldn't be sex or dating, and I've told her so even though a relationship was the original intent of her online ad. It would be an encounter, though, and I'll just leave it at that in terms of a description. We haven't met in person yet, but I may call her sometime this week. The problem is that I don't want to host because my apartment sucks, and she said she can't host because she doesn't live alone (didn't specify if this was parents or roommate even though I asked). This leaves a hotel/motel as the only possibility. I've never booked or stayed in a hotel on my own, and am quite concerned/nervous about it. Does anyone know if they ask the purpose of your stay, especially since it would be someone staying in a hotel in the same city in which they reside, and with a woman? Do any reputable hotels/motels still offer "hourly rates" or anything like that?


----------



## life01

nothing, they come to me


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> You admit your only option right now is to cold approach, and yet you completely discount it (when you haven't even tried it)? Does not compute. I could see being afraid of rejection, that's natural - but to just completely dismiss it for no good reason - unfortunate.


I don't try because i already know I'll be rejected. A attractive girl giving me her number? Lol yeah right


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I don't try because i already know I'll be rejecquitterattractive girl giving me her number? Lol yeah right


What kind of girl would want to get with such a ****ing quitter? Such a big quitter he gives up before he even tries.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> What kind of girl would want to get with such a ****ing quitter? Such a big quitter he gives up before he even tries.


What's the point of trying when you know you'll fail? Just to say you did it? Doesn't work for me


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> What's the point of trying when you know you'll fail? Just to say you did it? Doesn't work for me


No, the point is to do it until you succeed. No matter if it takes 100 or 1000 tries. Unless you really don't think having a sex life is worth it. Then ok.


----------



## Zeeshan

I think i am finally getting better. I have been struggling with a physical condition for the last 3 months, basically ruined my life. Good news is that i am finally getting treatment, and feeling better now.


----------



## phoenixwright

Brandeezy, you should try meeting single women through your social circle. If you don't have a social circle or a poor quality one for meeting girls (ie. a bunch of incel guys in your boat), then you'll have to become a part of a mixed-gender social circle. The easiest way to do this is through college. But if you graduated college or aren't in college, your best bet may be to find common interest groups and make sure they aren't complete sausage fests.

Cold approaching is absolutely terrible. The last time I did it, a girl looked at me like I was weird. It's not natural. Especially in a big city, people don't like strangers randomly chatting them up during the day. It's more acceptable in a night club or bar. But you have to deal with the sausage fest environment and all the cockblockers.

Cold approaching has been getting a bad rep lately with girls. With women complaining on campus forums/blogs about PUA chatting them up on campus. And campus security chiming in saying that they will take disciplinary action towards students who make female students feel uncomfortable. And mall security saying they will kick out any men who approach women (if the female feels uncomfortable). RSD with their Aspie-like mass approach method has single handedly ruined day game for Toronto. Day Game I think is perfectly fine within reason. But it's effectiveness is diluted by the sheer number of guys who practice day game in Toronto. Toronto is the Pick up Artist capital of the world. Home of Pick Up Artist Mystery (the author of The Mystery Method. And host of the VH1 show The Pickup Artist). Though the problem is not limited to just Toronto. PUA activity is all over American cities and campuses. It's just that the problem is the worst here because Toronto has a large PUA scene. This is where Mystery got his start.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Cold approaching is absolutely terrible.












So wrong it hurts my brain. But I won't argue the point. Obviously if a girl looked at you weird, it must be a bad thing to do. The logic is infallible.


----------



## bsd3355

I just read the article on the mall in toronto. Haha, man, that is hilarious. 

Jesus christ, they said 850 guys where going to gather to talk to girls there!? Hahahahahaha, no wonder there is such a worry!

Now, when it comes to talking to girls in a normal fashion, and without an entourage of 850 male companions, it honestly is not as bad as it seems lol

It'll be completely miserable the day women don't want men to do what they are supposed to do, and approach them. Once again, the magnitude of negativity is being projected into all this, but in this case, with the toronto thing, this is a good call on the security there.

I think this is all hilarious: "stop the PUAs!"

hahahahaha

can you imagine the world where you couldn't talk to people because you were attracted to them? that simply will never happen, ever. biology will always run its course.

you really think online dating is any better than meeting women during the day away from bars or clubs? this is all a matter of opinion.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Can anyone post a link to this Toronto PUA madness with mall security?


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> Can anyone post a link to this Toronto PUA madness with mall security?


http://www.torontolife.com/style/random-stuff-goods/2013/12/06/pickup-artists-eaton-centre/


----------



## nothing else

Nothing. You need certain genetic prerequisites in order to date. I'm already way too short so I can't. And also being shy and having SA means it would be impossible. Because physically I have nothing going for me, I need to compensate with having an over the top personality which is just not attainable.


----------



## rymo

nothing else said:


> Nothing. You need certain genetic prerequisites in order to date. I'm already way too short so I can't. And also being shy and having SA means it would be impossible. Because physically I have nothing going for me, I need to compensate with having an over the top personality which is just not attainable.


Looking at your pics right now...how are you not good looking again? Sounds like a case of the ol BDD.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> No, the point is to do it until you succeed. No matter if it takes 100 or 1000 tries. Unless you really don't think having a sex life is worth it. Then ok.


It doesn't matter if i approached 3 girls every day for the rest of my life. It will always be the same result. Even i got her number it will always lead nowhere. I just face facts that I'm a unlikable person, too weird, too short and unattractive.


----------



## nothing else

rymo said:


> Looking at your pics right now...how are you not good looking again? Sounds like a case of the ol BDD.


Too short, girls hate my race, and I get told I'm ugly. A lot.


----------



## monotonous

omg this thread is still alive..


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Update on my situation.

We broke it off.

Turns out she was still in contact with her ex. He kept showing up at our work whenever she got off or went on her lunch to argue with her, accusing her that she and I were doing stuff behind his back when they were together. Even after she changed her number and blocked his number, she was still *67 calling him so that she could still talk to him without him getting her number. And they were also emailing each other. This girl is way too much drama. She would never admit it, but it's like she was either pitting us against each other for kicks or she wanted both of us and tried to keep us both satisfied. I'm not wasting my time with immaturity. I called her out on all her bullsh*t and told her I don't trust her. Now I have to deal with the aftereffects at work...

Now I know firsthand why you don't date coworkers.


----------



## Zeeshan

nothing else said:


> Too short, girls hate my race, and I get told I'm ugly. A lot.


I dont know where you are coming from but its certainly not your face

and considering that the face is the number one category, i dont think you are accurate

Unless you are like 5 feet tall, you have major psychological issues.


----------



## Zeeshan

ManOfFewWords said:


> Update on my situation.
> 
> We broke it off.
> 
> Turns out she was still in contact with her ex. He kept showing up at our work whenever she got off or went on her lunch to argue with her, accusing her that she and I were doing stuff behind his back when they were together. Even after she changed her number and blocked his number, she was still *67 calling him so that she could still talk to him without him getting her number. And they were also emailing each other. This girl is way too much drama. She would never admit it, but it's like she was either pitting us against each other for kicks or she wanted both of us and tried to keep us both satisfied. I'm not wasting my time with immaturity. I called her out on all her bullsh*t and told her I don't trust her. Now I have to deal with the aftereffects at work...
> 
> Now I know firsthand why you don't date coworkers.


WTF this dont sound right,

are you sure you aren't acting too irrationally,

You sounded really happy


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> It doesn't matter if i approached 3 girls every day for the rest of my life. .


Yeah why dont you do it first then report back.

The problem isnt that your not very attractive (which maybe the case but its not a disqualifier in itself. Yesterday i saw a guy who looks like nothing with a complete bombshell, and i see it all the time) the problem is that you defeat yourself before you even take off

Your coworker liked you, so if one girl finds you attractive others likely do too

You need to look into emotional intelligence and fix the way you look at life. Or else life is gonna suck for you


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Zeeshan said:


> WTF this dont sound right,
> 
> are you sure you aren't acting too irrationally,
> 
> You sounded really happy


Nope, I'm not. I talked to my sister, who's been in lots of relationships, and even she thought this girl was fishy. She did things that made me feel real good about myself. But behind the scenes, she was trying to juggle both me and her ex. My sister told me when she was her age she had 3 boyfriends all in different cities. Some girls just want to try out lots of guys when they're young and immature. She just turned 22. Maybe she just wanted to see what it was like to be with a white guy (she's hispanic). She often mentioned to me that she never would have thought she'd get with one before. I gave her so many chances to cease contact with her ex. Our agreement was for her to stop, but she broke that agreement. Hence, I'm done with her.


----------



## Zeeshan

ManOfFewWords said:


> Nope, I'm not. I talked to my sister, who's been in lots of relationships, and even she thought this girl was fishy. She did things that made me feel real good about myself. But behind the scenes, she was trying to juggle both me and her ex. My sister told me when she was her age she had 3 boyfriends all in different cities. Some girls just want to try out lots of guys when they're young and immature. She just turned 22. Maybe she just wanted to see what it was like to be with a white guy (she's hispanic). She often mentioned to me that she never would have thought she'd get with one before. I gave her so many chances to cease contact with her ex. Our agreement was for her to stop, but she broke that agreement. Hence, I'm done with her.


Allright if you say so

Sometimes just because people tell us something, or we think something, doesn't necessarily make those things true.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Zeeshan said:


> Allright if you say so
> 
> Sometimes just because people tell us something, or we think something, doesn't necessarily make those things true.


I just thought it was weird how many times she had to convince me she was over her ex. If I had a nickel for every time she said "I don't want anything to do with him" I might be able to retire. Who exactly was she trying to convince? Me or her? I don't think she was ever completely over him. She said they broke up in January, but have been on and off and on and off ever since. I'm not going to waste my time with a maybe. Two months of talking every day, kissing almost every day, and having sex isn't enough time for her to get over the ex and take us to the next level? Dealing with the ex is already too much work as it is. If she isn't going to put in the effort to move on from him, then she's just not that into me.


----------



## nothing else

Zeeshan said:


> I dont know where you are coming from but its certainly not your face
> 
> and considering that the face is the number one category, i dont think you are accurate
> 
> Unless you are like 5 feet tall, you have major psychological issues.


No, height is number one compared to face. It's the same with guys and girls who are obese. A guy would rather date an average looking girl who has an okay face compared to a pretty girl who is 450lbs. Similarly girls just don't like short guys at all.

And I've been told I'm ugly a lot too, just when people see pictures of my face without even knowing my height online.


----------



## Zeeshan

nothing else said:


> No, height is number one compared to face. It's the same with guys and girls who are obese. A guy would rather date an average looking girl who has an okay face compared to a pretty girl who is 450lbs. Similarly girls just don't like short guys at all.
> 
> And I've been told I'm ugly a lot too, just when people see pictures of my face without even knowing my height online.


No its not

They did a online pool of almost 400 girls on the bodybuilding website nearly 90% said facial aesthetic as number one. Height and body aesthetics fought for number two. Personality came next followed by penis size

Dude you really need help


----------



## nothing else

Zeeshan said:


> No its not
> 
> They did a online pool of almost 400 girls on the bodybuilding website nearly 90% said facial aesthetic as number one. Height and body aesthetics fought for number two. Personality came next followed by penis size
> 
> Dude you really need help


I'm studying psychology and height is a major issue and there's evolutionary explanations for why height is a big deal. Most short guys will not have a chance and that's a fact. And as I said I'm very unattractive on top of that, so I have zero chance


----------



## bsd3355

Love when girls say you approached her friend and asked for her number too. They won't text you unless they want to tell you that lol. Am I supposed to be bothered by the fact that they found out I ask for other girl's numbers? It's so retarded it's stupid. They make a stink out of it because I go indirect asking for directions, but it doesn't really matter how I ask because for that girl specifically the response will be the same. So not only do they ignore my texts but then they want to make me feel bad for asking for a girl's number. Haha w/e. First of all, I don't really care what she thinks, especially if she ignores me anyway. Her saying something extra and/or trying to make me feel embarrassed doesn't really change anything.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Met a cute pastry chef girl over her that lives near me back home. We exchanged info and planned on going out when we get back. I've been messaging her and she has been very standoffish and sending me very short replies though. I really can't tell if she isn't interested or just being cautious. She did tell me that her ex treated her like crap, cussed at her, called her ugly, and then broke up with her because she wouldn't sleep with him. So I don't know if it's trust issues or what? It makes it very difficult to communicate and connect with her though.

I really like this girl, she's very nice, very cute, works hard and has a lot going for her. Other than her being kinda shy and having ex boyfriend issues, she seems like a very happy and normal person. 

I hope I can make this happen. My biggest fear is that I will end up liking her and she will lose interest though.


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> Yeah why dont you do it first then report back.
> 
> The problem isnt that your not very attractive (which maybe the case but its not a disqualifier in itself. Yesterday i saw a guy who looks like nothing with a complete bombshell, and i see it all the time) the problem is that you defeat yourself before you even take off
> 
> *Your coworker liked you, so if one girl finds you attractive others likely do too
> *
> You need to look into emotional intelligence and fix the way you look at life. Or else life is gonna suck for you


She was a liar, she did it to be nice and didn't want to hurt my feelings


----------



## franklin86

I'm going to the park each day and trying to talk to women there. I haven't asked anyone out though because I feel like it's not acceptable to ask out a total stranger. The problem is, I don't see the women a second time.


----------



## soulless

I hope for something, but expect nothing


----------



## Royals

You don't get a girl. You will receive a girl


----------



## Zeeshan

After 3 months of life destroying prostatitis I'm finally feeling better. It was the worst time in my life by far. Finally today after so long my symptoms have reduced

Drugs didnt work. Had to change my diet completely no spicy foods caffeine alcohol dairy. I'm starting to see a silver lining though


----------



## shynesshellasucks

I think the most realistic way to achieve this goal is doing obvious things like working out, having a more social interesting life, get a better paying job, improve physical attractiveness, and such but I'm a really lazy person and I have not done any of this. It's depressing TBH because this is what I need to do but I just can't do it. 

All other PUA stuff is just BS.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

*Update*

So 2 days after I broke it off with girl from work, she texts me trying to meet up and talk. We meet and she admits her mistakes, takes full responsibility for her actions, and gives me complete disclosure of all her emails with her ex. Turns out he gave her a diamond ring a week ago, but she didn't accept it. He's in desperation mode trying to buy her love, but it seems she just really isn't into him. I told her until she ends things with her ex (ie doesn't respond to his f***ing emails), that I'll just be a friend. I said this is your life, you decide who you want to be with. I'm not forcing her to choose me. 

I had her sit with me for an hour as we talked to my sister on the phone. She's an expert on relationships, as she's dated every type of guy there is over the last 15 years of her life. She gave this girl incredible insight into her situation and how she's allowing this guy, who she's had feelings for over the last 3 years, to make her feel guilty about not involving him in her life. My sister gave explicit examples of girlfriends of hers who have been with emotionally manipulative jerks and how the only way they ever felt better was when they cut off all contact. She's starting to see things for how they really are. And she's receiving support from my sister and I that none of her friends or family are giving her.

Even though we're not pursuing a real relationship right now, we're still very intimate. We just can't get enough of each other. Today, she asked her dad if she could go eat at a restaurant with me. (I met her parents awhile back. They are Christian conservative, but they absolutely love me and want me to see their daughter.) Her dad said it was okay. Our plan though was to bang at my house... which we did. And it was awesome. My parents weren't home so we were a lot louder and rougher. She loves the way I "punish her for being a bad girl". Also, she never enjoyed getting head from any of her ex's. She was really resistant to it the first time I tried, but I made her trust me, and now she ****ing loves it.

So, I don't know what we have going on. I guess it would be a sort of friends with benefits situation. Fine by me. Now that I put my emotions in check, I'm enjoying every minute of it.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I updated my OkCupid profile, sent out some messages & now I'm a texting basis with a gal


----------



## Nexus777

bwidger85 said:


> http://www.torontolife.com/style/random-stuff-goods/2013/12/06/pickup-artists-eaton-centre/


Great, thanks for that link, fits perfectly to my 2nd point here :teeth

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f249/pua-seems-to-be-a-huge-scam-your-thoughts-766449/


----------



## kjwkjw

nothing, becuse I stand no chace. its impossible for a guy like me to get a girl.


----------



## Deuce92

kjwkjw said:


> nothing, becuse I stand no chace. its impossible for a guy like me to get a girl.


With that attitude it certainly is.

If you don't think you can have a girl, you won't get one. Unless you're ridiculously good looking. And even then, it will be difficult.


----------



## phoenixwright

bwidger85 said:


> I just read the article on the mall in toronto. Haha, man, that is hilarious.
> 
> Jesus christ, they said 850 guys where going to gather to talk to girls there!? Hahahahahaha, no wonder there is such a worry!
> 
> Now, when it comes to talking to girls in a normal fashion, and without an entourage of 850 male companions, it honestly is not as bad as it seems lol
> 
> It'll be completely miserable the day women don't want men to do what they are supposed to do, and approach them. Once again, the magnitude of negativity is being projected into all this, but in this case, with the toronto thing, this is a good call on the security there.
> 
> I think this is all hilarious: "stop the PUAs!"
> 
> hahahahaha
> 
> can you imagine the world where you couldn't talk to people because you were attracted to them? that simply will never happen, ever. biology will always run its course.
> 
> you really think online dating is any better than meeting women during the day away from bars or clubs? this is all a matter of opinion.


Maybe back in the day before PUA became widespread day game was a viable alternative to over-saturated night game and online dating. But day game is becoming rather over-saturated these days as well. Especially in PUA hot spots like Toronto. Meeting women through your social circle or work is pretty much the best way. Night game, day game, online dating, speed dating, all terrible.


----------



## Zeeshan

^^ you have way too many limited beliefs

Actual experience in life has taught me that being open minded can bring on wonderful results. You have to take risks and a lot of them. 

When you make eye contact with a girl and she gives you a smile or there is mutual attraction is the only way


----------



## phoenixwright

Zeeshan said:


> ^^ you have way too many limited beliefs
> 
> Actual experience in life has taught me that being open minded can bring on wonderful results. You have to take risks and a lot of them.
> 
> When you make eye contact with a girl and she gives you a smile or there is mutual attraction is the only way


Women don't want to be pestered when they go about their daily lives during the day. My female friend has even said as much. The Asperger-riddled idiots who follow RSD spam approach methods don't understand this. I actually care about not annoying people and freaking them out. Is that so wrong?


----------



## Zeeshan

phoenixwright said:


> Women don't want to be pestered when they go about their daily lives during the day. My female friend has even said as much. The Asperger-riddled idiots who follow RSD spam approach methods don't understand this.


Never listen to what a woman says. Nothing will destroy your love life like a female friend. My best friend was a girl for years and i missed countless oppurtinoties bc of her. Now i make it a point. If a girl doesmt want me she can take a hike.

Ive seen women being picked up on subways on their way to work coffee shops college campuses

But the consistency was in all cases the guy was good looking. Average or below average no chance. Especially short.

The best way to get and keep women is to treat them poorly. This seems to be consistent throughout other variables.


----------



## Nexus777

Phoenix is completly right imo. Main problem: Most people on here dont have a social cirlce to draw contacts from.....

I made a simmilar post like his in a PUA forum, guess what they flamed me ofc. Most PUAs are mindless children that follow their "gurus"....

And btw: Sometimes women can be honest. I knew 2-3 of those kind and learned quite a bit about women in general. We also have some 2-3 women on this board who actually tell the truth (Kom comes to mind).-


----------



## Nexus777

nothing else said:


> I'm studying psychology and height is a major issue and there's evolutionary explanations for why height is a big deal. Most short guys will not have a chance and that's a fact. And as I said I'm very unattractive on top of that, so I have zero chance


HSM -> face -> height 

So to sum it up: Be handsome, don´t be unattractive.  And if you have a good social standing, some money and good job...you don´t need PUA at all.


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> HSM -> face -> height
> 
> So to sum it up: Be handsome, don´t be unattractive.  And if you have a good social standing, some money and good job...you don´t need PUA at all.


No face and height are more important theb money

Face especially


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> No face and height are more important theb money
> 
> Face especially


HSM means "high status male" that is imo most important, than looks/face/age (see even girls now prefer younger hotter guys)


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> Phoenix is completly right imo. Main problem: Most people on here dont have a social cirlce to draw contacts from.....
> 
> I made a simmilar post like his in a PUA forum, guess what they flamed me ofc. Most PUAs are mindless children that follow their "gurus"....
> 
> And btw: Sometimes women can be honest. I knew 2-3 of those kind and learned quite a bit about women in general. We also have some 2-3 women on this board who actually tell the truth (Kom comes to mind).-


If you listen to a woman talk you haven't learned anything

Pua works for good looking men. Face come s first then height then body

But a bad face is the absoloute killer

Anything works if the girl finds you attractive and I mean anything if she doesnt she may still settle but do you want that


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> If you listen to a woman talk you haven't learned anything
> 
> Pua works for good looking men. Face come s first then height then body
> 
> But a bad face is the absoloute killer


Agreed.

BUT, MONEY AND STATUS is as important.

I was told frankly that "you will never get a wife with this small flat, the "childish" posters on the wall........" These posters were cool bands ! Even some of these she listened too herself.

Well I admit her flat was really tidy, clean etc. And no posters.

Another girl told me once, she only goes after long-haired guys....see preferences differ.


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> Agreed.
> 
> BUT, MONEY AND STATUS is as important.
> 
> I was told frankly that "you will never get a wife with this small flat, the "childish" posters on the wall........" These posters were cool bands ! Even some of these she listened too herself.
> 
> Well I admit her flat was really tidy, clean etc. And no posters.
> 
> Another girl told me once, she only goes after long-haired guys....see preferences differ.


Yeah keep.listening to what they say. It will work out well

Women always say one thing and do another. Seems to me your friends are actually the reason for your issues with women

When you have women around that aren't your relatives and you dont sleep with them it sends a very negative messege to your unconscious

If she finds you attractive you could be living in a dump


----------



## Nexus777

I "almost" slept (if you mean sex) with both of them. I mean I was in bed at least with these both. 

I had long hair 

But after me there was the next guy :teeth

Except girl1 this was kind of "friends" thin but with some body contacts too. And lasted a bit longer.

I am also not sure what ur after tbh - I agreed that face is most important (togehter with HSM traits)


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> I "almost" slept (if you mean sex) with both of them. I mean I was in bed at least with these both.
> 
> I had long hair
> 
> But after me there was the next guy :teeth
> 
> I am also not sure what ur after tbh - I agreed that face is most important (togehter with HSM traits)


I'm saying female friends are damaging


----------



## Putin

I don't even know how I would go about getting a girl. I have no social circle to speak of, which is generally a huge turnoff for girls.


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> I'm saying female friends are damaging


Ah ok, Mr obvious 

Yes, they are sometimes. Just dont take em serious that´ll help. I learned that in the last 2-3 yrs. DO not take em serious. Except you know them longer than 2-3 yrs.

But obvisouly I hadnt had a girl in the last 5 yrs. SO my process of learning needs to continue.


----------



## Zeeshan

Putin said:


> I don't even know how I would go about getting a girl. I have no social circle to speak of, which is generally a huge turnoff for girls.


It's really not if she finds you attractive


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> Ah ok, Mr obvious
> 
> Yes, they are sometimes. Just dont take em serious that´ll help. I learned that in the last 2-3 yrs. DO not take em serious. Except you know them longer than 2-3 yrs.
> 
> But obvisouly I hadnt had a girl in the last 5 yrs. SO my process of learning needs to continue.


One factor is missing is a dominant personality

That also can be a very very big turn on


----------



## Putin

Zeeshan said:


> It's really not if she finds you attractive


It doesn't matter how attractive you are if you don't have any social status


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> One factor is missing is a dominant personality
> 
> That also can be a very very big turn on


Sure, but it seems it fades a bit, because take a look in the "young girl" thread above. Some women now seem to prefer younger, inexperienced guys that they can "train" :teeth

I come to believe in the last 10 yrs or so women in general have changed quite a bit... it also was easier to meet actual interesting and funny girls lets say 10 yrs. ago. Now that fades and they mostly have only looks going for them


----------



## Zeeshan

Nexus777 said:


> Sure, but it seems it fades a bit, because take a look in the "young girl" thread above. Some women now seem to prefer younger, inexperienced guys that they can "train" :teeth
> 
> I come to believe in the last 10 yrs or so women in general have changed quite a bit... it also was easier to meet actual interesting and funny girls lets say 10 yrs. ago. Now that fades and they mostly have only looks going for them


Your listening to women again

Our brains dont change. Unconscious desires still drive us.

Women desire to be dominated not just sexually


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> Your listening to women again
> 
> Our brains dont change. Unconscious desires still drive us.
> 
> Women desire to be dominated not just sexually


Ok, I take that advise.

I am more on the dominant side (sexually) anyway. Just need to be in "normal" life too thats the problem.


----------



## shynesshellasucks

Here I leave this for the cold approachers:

http://www.simplepickup.com/forum/field-reports/28617-i-utterly-humiliated.html

Just another example of how bad it backfires and how it can ruin your self esteem and status.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

The way I see it, every single girl who flirts with me is either married, dating someone else, or too young. 

It's like seeing couples out whenever you go out. Every single woman is partnered. I think actually the single girls stay at home. Beats me where they go, because I can never seem to find them. 

Not that I would have the courage to talk to them, if I saw them, anyway.


----------



## bsd3355

shynesshellasucks said:


> Here I leave this for the cold approachers:
> 
> http://www.simplepickup.com/forum/field-reports/28617-i-utterly-humiliated.html
> 
> Just another example of how bad it backfires and how it can ruin your self esteem and status.


Why would you post something you've probably never done in your entire life? Are you trying to dis-encourage people who actually have BALLS to approach women? So what? A rejection is a rejection is a rejection. This girl was a *****. If that happened to me, yeah, I'd be a little hurt, but then I'd go right back out and meet other girls because that's what you are SUPPOSED to do. I don't understand these types of posts? What does it do for you? Are you trying to prove a point that bad things happen in this world? Are you trying to prove that talking, approach, and dating women is for idiots and it's wrong? I would rather get rejected a lot and meet a girl I really like than not do anything at all. Life is full of rejection. Dating is just another version of this. I'm sorry if I seem angry, but I am a little, because there is more pain involved in not even trying and it bothers me that so many guys want to lump meeting women as "pua tactics and tricks". It's ridiculous and hurting you. If you want something you should go for it. If you don't, then don't. It's that simple.

I should probably just stop replying to these types of posts. I am not gaining anything from doing it. I am always compelled to respond. One day I'll learn my lesson (hopefully).


----------



## shynesshellasucks

bwidger85 said:


> Why would you post something you've probably never done in your entire life? Are you trying to dis-encourage people who actually have BALLS to approach women? So what? A rejection is a rejection is a rejection. This girl was a *****. If that happened to me, yeah, I'd be a little hurt, but then I'd go right back out and meet other girls because that's what you are SUPPOSED to do. I don't understand these types of posts? What does it do for you? Are you trying to prove a point that bad things happen in this world? Are you trying to prove that talking, approach, and dating women is for idiots and it's wrong? I would rather get rejected a lot and meet a girl I really like than not do anything at all. Life is full of rejection. Dating is just another version of this. I'm sorry if I seem angry, but I am a little, because there is more pain involved in not even trying and it bothers me that so many guys want to lump meeting women as "pua tactics and tricks". It's ridiculous and hurting you. If you want something you should go for it. If you don't, then don't. It's that simple.
> 
> I should probably just stop replying to these types of posts. I am not gaining anything from doing it. I am always compelled to respond. One day I'll learn my lesson (hopefully).


I'm just saying it's not a good way to meet women and it is a tactic marketed by PUAs. You say it takes balls to approach random women constantly you might be right but the fear to approach random women is rational. Approaching random women is weird. Guys that are actually successful with women don't approach them randomly on the street they have superior lifestyles that enable them to meet women properly without humiliating themselves and making themselves look low status by approaching them on the street. I'm just disgusted by guys promoting cold approaching as a good idea when it's not.


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

Right now nothing. I'm improving myself as much as I can. I'm feeling good for the first time in my life and feel that I do deserve to be happy and am capable of finding someone who can accept me for who I am. I want to keep improving myself mentally before trying to ask someone out


----------



## chefdave

Nothing. The women I like are out of my league and the women in my league are unattractive. This means that very few women are suitable for me. 

Its just the way it goes.


----------



## IcedOver

Looks like I'm going to round out the year 0-3. I had two situations which were promising earlier in the year, and they both flaked. Then just a few weeks ago I got another something going which wasn't 100% what I was looking for, but which was intriguing and looked like it might actually happen. As I've explained several times on this forum, I'm not looking for regular dating, but . . . something else. The girl (28 years old) seemed pretty open, sent me a photo and we had a few text and e-mail conversations. I suggested that we talk on the phone and told her that I sometimes get home late, as my job hours are different. She okayed me calling. On Friday I called her at 10:45 p.m. and left a message. She called back fifteen minutes later while driving, and the tone of her voice -- kind of immature-ish and sullen -- sort of turned me off. I didn't want to talk to her while she was driving, and she said she wasn't going to be up much later, so she said to call back on Saturday. I did so, at 5:00, and again left a message telling her I'd be in the rest of the evening. Well, no response since. Oh, well. This situation isn't as heartbreaking as the other two (especially the first -- I'm still not mentally recuperated from that mindfvck), but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.


----------



## bsd3355

shynesshellasucks said:


> I'm just saying it's not a good way to meet women and it is a tactic marketed by PUAs. You say it takes balls to approach random women constantly you might be right but the fear to approach random women is rational. Approaching random women is weird. Guys that are actually successful with women don't approach them randomly on the street they have superior lifestyles that enable them to meet women properly without humiliating themselves and making themselves look low status by approaching them on the street. I'm just disgusted by guys promoting cold approaching as a good idea when it's not.


so basically ypu are against talking to a woman you dont know and asking her out? i appreciate your honesty and feedback, but that is a major limiting belief. it does work and it's not weird if done properly. ive proved it to myself many times and it doesnt seem reasonable to me to limit yourself. but w/e

i mran, how else do you explain meeting a girl in a bar or any other social event? there is no other way


----------



## shynesshellasucks

bwidger85 said:


> so basically ypu are against talking to a woman you dont know and asking her out? i appreciate your honesty and feedback, but that is a major limiting belief. it does work and it's not weird if done properly. ive proved it to myself many times and it doesnt seem reasonable to me to limit yourself. but w/e
> 
> i mran, how else do you explain meeting a girl in a bar or any other social event? there is no other way


I'm talking about day game cold approaches. Night game settings are fine.


----------



## ravens

I have a lot of respect for guys that can approach. For me just thinking about doing that makes me feel like I'm having a panic attack.


----------



## bsd3355

shynesshellasucks said:


> I'm talking about day game cold approaches. Night game settings are fine.


That's cool. To each their own I suppose.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I've been trying to meet girls at bars. It beats clubs. The music isn't super loud, they play a lot of sports so I have something to watch when I'm collecting my nerves. The bar environment isn't that bad.

The _only_ thing I don't like is that it seems like women come in packs at bars. I tried to talk to a group of 4 women to meet one of them and I just failed miserably on that.


----------



## Zeeshan

I find that everyone comes in a group which makes it impossible


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I've been trying to meet girls at bars. It beats clubs. The music isn't super loud, they play a lot of sports so I have something to watch when I'm collecting my nerves. The bar environment isn't that bad.
> 
> The _only_ thing I don't like is that it seems like women come in packs at bars. I tried to talk to a group of 4 women to meet one of them and I just failed miserably on that.


It's harder, but it's not impossible. You'd be surprised at what a good vibe will do, but that comes from becoming social in the night typically. Don't give up if that is your goal because it is very likely once you can enough confidence and are persistent


----------



## bsd3355

Just came back from chicago for 5 days. Was supposed to be up there 3 weeks specifically to practice approaching and see what it was like in a large city, especially on a street like N. Michigan Ave (which I did do). I left early because I got a little homesick and just felt like coming home tbh (a friend of mine let me crash at his place near the city). Met up with another guy who basically is on the same page with me--met him off another forum--and we had a lot of fun checking out chicago. He also lived in chicago.

This probably isn't the forum for this type of post because it simply isn't in most of the peoples' reality here (I say that because people admit it by shear response constantly on this forum to such an extent it is impossible to actually prove to anyone you can actually meet people this way). Regardless, it went well for me. Had two dates set up today after doing some approaches **GASP** on women walking around outside and inside the malls, etc., but canceled on them because i got homesick, i am actually sick, and the place i am was staying at was 50mins away from the city, which i didn't really want to travel for just for coffee (the girls were leaving because of the holidays).

Oh yeah, and the guy who let me stay at his place met HIS NOW GIRLFRIEND approaching her downtown chicago as I did. And before you think he is some loser-weirdo because he actually has balls to approach women...no, he's a recent chem engineer graduated living near chicago paying **** tons of rent. And he didn't meet his girlfriend sitting around his house *****ing about how approaching "doesn't work"...instead, he did it and actually made it happen because he, like me and many others, actually believed in it and made it happen, which is weird for me to even type this because I SHOULDN'T BE EXPLAINING THIS BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE NORMAL FOR [email protected]! The guy who showed me around chicago was earlier twenties and he also met some girls that day I went out as well...

"yeah man, all this approaching stuff is for losers and schmucks and it doesn't work..."

Please explain to me how doing something as normal as approaching a woman is weird again? Especially for MEN!? So, so, so retarded the hate on this NEEDS to be ridiculed for being absolutely retarded. There ain't no "tricks" in telling a woman the honest truth and that you like her and you want to take her on a date!!!!!!!!! uughhh man

/rant


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> It's harder, but it's not impossible. You'd be surprised at what a good vibe will do, but that comes from becoming social in the night typically. Don't give up if that is your goal because it is very likely once you can enough confidence and are persistent


To my surprise I like the bar scene. I tried clubs when I was 18-19 and it was a horrible experience. Once my anxiety dies down, I actually enjoy myself at a bar.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> To my surprise I like the bar scene. I tried clubs when I was 18-19 and it was a horrible experience. Once my anxiety dies down, I actually enjoy myself at a bar.


Good for you. All things can be overcome in this instance if you actually believe it can. While this sounds lovey-dovey advice, it's not. Believe you can do it. If not now, later. It just takes getting a little used to and you'll be surprised to find how one anxiety-filled situation turns into a more relaxed, fun and excited feeling. This goes for ANY social event, period. Keep it up!

You may not of wanted the advice but I'll give it anyway:

It really is just a matter of finding a girl who is into you once you go out and meet enough girls. You'll see it in her response, her attitude toward your approach, and her energy toward you. Prove it to yourself.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

...


----------



## rymo

shynesshellasucks said:


> I'm just saying it's not a good way to meet women and it is a tactic marketed by PUAs. You say it takes balls to approach random women constantly you might be right but the fear to approach random women is rational. Approaching random women is weird. Guys that are actually successful with women don't approach them randomly on the street they have superior lifestyles that enable them to meet women properly without humiliating themselves and making themselves look low status by approaching them on the street. I'm just disgusted by guys promoting cold approaching as a good idea when it's not.


Thank god I never listened to you - I would literally have never gotten laid if I never cold approached. You seem _extremely_ insecure about random social interactions - which is fine for someone with SA, but to completely discourage it in general? Makes no sense to me. You can call approaching a woman during the day weird or unusual because _most _ guys don't do it, but if you think that standing out among other men is a bad thing, you're not doing it right. You're highly concerned with what other people think, and that's the exact mentality that will stop a guy from experiencing life to the fullest.


----------



## bsd3355

^For me, it's came to a point where this needs to be called out, because guys really can't afford being afraid to talk to women.

The sheer madness of shynessshellasucks's thinking is only hurting EVERYONE, including women who want to be approached and talked to, asked out, etc. But not to only call him out, many people are like this...

It deserves to be called out and ridiculed the same way anything else damaging does.

This is NOT about ego-gratification! This is NOT about being a "PUA". The real reason this is an issues for guys is because they have MADE it an issue!


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> ^For me, it's came to a point where this needs to be called out, because guys really can't afford being afraid to talk to women.
> 
> The sheer madness of shynessshellasucks's thinking is only hurting EVERYONE, including women who want to be approached and talked to, asked out, etc. But not to only call him out, many people are like this...
> 
> It deserves to be called out and ridiculed the same way anything else damaging does.
> 
> This is NOT about ego-gratification! This is NOT about being a "PUA". The real reason this is an issues for guys is because they have MADE it an issue!


As much as I agree that his view is short-sighted and based mostly on insecurity, it's not worth getting _that _ worked up about because doing so doesn't accomplish anything. Let's keep things at a discussion-type level. He has his opinion. We've discussed ours. It's all good.


----------



## bsd3355

^You can't discuss with people who don't want to listen, but w/e...


----------



## shynesshellasucks

rymo said:


> Thank god I never listened to you - I would literally have never gotten laid if I never cold approached. You seem _extremely_ insecure about random social interactions - which is fine for someone with SA, but to completely discourage it in general? Makes no sense to me. You can call approaching a woman during the day weird or unusual because _most _ guys don't do it, but if you think that standing out among other men is a bad thing, you're not doing it right. You're highly concerned with what other people think, and that's the exact mentality that will stop a guy from experiencing life to the fullest.


Day game cold approach is not needed if you are social and have your own social network. If you invest so much time into cold approaching consuming 100s of rejectionsjust to get laid once or twice why not just build your own social network? It is much easier and you don't actually need to make yourself look low status by doing day game. I don't get why a socially competent person would do day game when building your own social network is more easier, effective, and socially acceptable.


----------



## shynesshellasucks

bwidger85 said:


> ^For me, it's came to a point where this needs to be called out, because guys really can't afford being afraid to talk to women.
> 
> The sheer madness of shynessshellasucks's thinking is only hurting EVERYONE, including women who want to be approached and talked to, asked out, etc. But not to only call him out, many people are like this...
> 
> It deserves to be called out and ridiculed the same way anything else damaging does.
> 
> This is NOT about ego-gratification! This is NOT about being a "PUA". The real reason this is an issues for guys is because they have MADE it an issue!


Didn't someone say that cops are after PUAs day gamers at the malls? Why go through with day game when even cops have a negative perception of it? There are more efficient ways to meet women you know. Day Game may actually be one of the worse methods.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Day game? What are you talking about. Cold approaches are simply asking out girls you're attracted to but don't know. There's no real game to it. You just talk to a girl for a while and if the conversation is going well and she's responding to your advances you ask her out or ask for her number.


----------



## rymo

shynesshellasucks said:


> Day game cold approach is not needed if you are social and have your own social network. If you invest so much time into cold approaching consuming 100s of rejectionsjust to get laid once or twice why not just build your own social network? It is much easier and you don't actually need to make yourself look low status by doing day game. I don't get why a socially competent person would do day game when building your own social network is more easier, effective, and socially acceptable.


Building an entire social network (this is a SA site, right?) is _not _easier than going up to a girl and saying hello. If you think that talking to a girl (or anyone, for that matter) during the day is weird, then I truly don't understand where you're coming from. Even if I had a giant group of friends, if I were running in the park and saw someone unbelievable, I would not pass up the chance to potentially meet the woman of my dreams. What that has to do with PUA and game and status I have ABSOLUTELY no idea. That shows confidence, not "low status", whatever in god's name that means.

If you have the means to build an entire network of friends and that's what works for you when it comes to meeting women, god bless you. We don't all have that ability.

EDIT: I can't have a discussion about this to someone who thinks you can get arrested for talking to a random girl in public during the day. Now I'm starting to understand where your head is at.


----------



## shynesshellasucks

rymo said:


> Building an entire social network (this is a SA site, right?) is _not _easier than going up to a girl and saying hello. If you think that talking to a girl (or anyone, for that matter) during the day is weird, then I truly don't understand where you're coming from. Even if I had a giant group of friends, if I were running in the park and saw someone unbelievable, I would not pass up the chance to potentially meet the woman of my dreams. What that has to do with PUA and game and status I have ABSOLUTELY no idea. That shows confidence, not "low status", whatever in god's name that means.
> 
> If you have the means to build an entire network of friends and that's what works for you when it comes to meeting women, god bless you. We don't all have that ability.
> 
> EDIT: I can't have a discussion about this to someone who thinks you can get arrested for talking to a random girl in public during the day. Now I'm starting to understand where your head is at.


If you are able to do day game efficiently then you have good social skills and you are able to develop a social network meet women the non PUA low status way. Simplepick up and PUA are the ones that encourage day game which means day game has everything to do with PUA. I read somewhere in this thread (phoenixwright posted it) Cops or security were in the lookout for PUAs or cold approaches at malls so I'm not crazy. And yes most girls think that a guy approaching randomly during a normal day is weird and low status the story I posted is one of the many examples. Normal guys that get laid don't encourage simple pickup. Simplepickup and PUAs hype up day game because it helps them make money it is part of their cult to think day game is great and awesome. The guys I know who get laid don't do day game and don't encourage it.

I would expand my response but I'm using my phone and am busy at the moment. Maybe later.


----------



## shynesshellasucks

Jesuszilla said:


> Day game? What are you talking about. Cold approaches are simply asking out girls you're attracted to but don't know. There's no real game to it. You just talk to a girl for a while and if the conversation is going well and she's responding to your advances you ask her out or ask for her number.


Day game is what simplepickup and most PUAs do approach during the day randomly outside of clubs and bars.


----------



## longwaytorun

*Tila* *Tequila*


----------



## rymo

shynesshellasucks said:


> If you are able to do day game efficiently then you have good social skills and you are able to develop a social network meet women the non PUA low status way. Simplepick up and PUA are the ones that encourage day game which means day game has everything to do with PUA. I read somewhere in this thread (phoenixwright posted it) Cops or security were in the lookout for PUAs or cold approaches at malls so I'm not crazy. And yes most girls think that a guy approaching randomly during a normal day is weird and low status the story I posted is one of the many examples. Normal guys that get laid don't encourage simple pickup. Simplepickup and PUAs hype up day game because it helps them make money it is part of their cult to think day game is great and awesome. The guys I know who get laid don't do day game and don't encourage it.
> 
> I would expand my response but I'm using my phone and am busy at the moment. Maybe later.


Ahhhh...so if a PUA does it, it must be pick up. Guess what? PUAs take ****s, that doesn't mean that anyone who takes a **** is trying to be a PUA. Your logic is horrifying.

You're so hung up on "day game". No one here is obsessed with "day game". It's about meeting people, no matter what time of day.


----------



## Brandeezy

My coworker got hooked up by this customers mom at work in front of my eyes. This is about the 5th time this happened except with different coworkers. Life of an unattractive guy part 24536


----------



## shynesshellasucks

rymo said:


> Ahhhh...so if a PUA does it, it must be pick up. Guess what? PUAs take ****s, that doesn't mean that anyone who takes a **** is trying to be a PUA. Your logic is horrifying.
> 
> You're so hung up on "day game". No one here is obsessed with "day game". It's about meeting people, no matter what time of day.


Does you getting mad easily not affect you doing 1000s of approaches and getting rejected a bunch?

Didn't mean to piss you off. I was hoping for a good discussion but you didn't refute anything I said. I still have my same stance before the discussion started. I never called you any personal names, just saying that girls such as the one in the story I provided do have that opinion as most girls randomly approached I believe do. I just stated that you consumed the simplepickup PUA propaganda. I did consume RSD's PUAs propaganda but later found out it was bad.

I thought that maybe you guys would change my opinion but you didn't. Maybe Bwidger is willing to provide a good discussion IDK hopefully I didn't offend him too. Discussions like these can be delicate especially when I do have to explain the opinions most women I believe have.


----------



## Jesuszilla

There is no PUA propaganda with cold approaches. Men have been doing it for ages.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> There is no PUA propaganda with cold approaches. Men have been doing it for ages.


I wish there were no labels like cold approaches, or day game, or this garbage. It actually ruined it for me. I remmember as a child i used to look at seinfeld and go, yeah that doesnt seem so hard

after a while all these labels start to carry a stigmata


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> I wish there were no labels like cold approaches, or day game, or this garbage. It actually ruined it for me. I remmember as a child i used to look at seinfeld and go, yeah that doesnt seem so hard
> 
> after a while all these labels start to carry a stigmata


Agreed. I wouldn't let the stigma discourage you from trying though. Most women are pretty nice as long as you don't do some cheesy pick up line or be super weird to were they are uncomfortable. You run into a few b****es but that's the risk you take when you approach women.


----------



## shynesshellasucks

Jesuszilla said:


> There is no PUA propaganda with cold approaches. Men have been doing it for ages.


Perhaps you are right but it is become a huge part of PUA now day game specifically. I don't have a problem with approaching at bars and clubs if you are good at it, approaching randomly during the day I am against. You hear this thing approach 100s of women and you will eventually find one makes me puke. The OP endorses simplepickup which I think is horrible it is also PUA even though they don't label themselves as PUAs. I heard they also do bootcamps that cost thousands of dollars of course they have to hype up their own BS.


----------



## rymo

shynesshellasucks said:


> Perhaps you are right but it is become a huge part of PUA now day game specifically. I don't have a problem with approaching at bars and clubs if you are good at it, approaching randomly during the day I am against. You hear this thing approach 100s of women and you will eventually find one makes me puke. The OP endorses simplepickup which I think is horrible it is also PUA even though they don't label themselves as PUAs. I heard they also do bootcamps that cost thousands of dollars of course they have to hype up their own BS.


Just stop trolling and get out please.


----------



## bsd3355

Rymo, this song is sick!

Downloaded, added to playlist


----------



## andy1984

there's 2 girls i could probably ask out now, kinda like both of them. only met them once. not really sure how to go about it, guess i'll just try to get to know them somehow...


----------



## ManOfFewWords

rymo said:


> Building an entire social network (this is a SA site, right?) is _not _easier than going up to a girl and saying hello. If you think that talking to a girl (or anyone, for that matter) during the day is weird, then I truly don't understand where you're coming from. Even if I had a giant group of friends, if I were running in the park and saw someone unbelievable, I would not pass up the chance to potentially meet the woman of my dreams. What that has to do with PUA and game and status I have ABSOLUTELY no idea. That shows confidence, not "low status", whatever in god's name that means.
> 
> If you have the means to build an entire network of friends and that's what works for you when it comes to meeting women, god bless you. We don't all have that ability.
> 
> EDIT: I can't have a discussion about this to someone who thinks you can get arrested for talking to a random girl in public during the day. Now I'm starting to understand where your head is at.


Quoted for truth. At the end of the day, we're just **** sapiens. We've been doing the same **** for the last 50,000 years.


----------



## Brandeezy

That girl from my job, who I went on a date with back in August deleted me as a friend on Facebook. It's impossible for anyone to like me


----------



## sanspants08

Scheduling two dates in one time space, figuring at least one of them will flake out. Whoever doesn't flake out will be the one I take to the New Year's party at my friend's house.


----------



## Putin

I'm saving up $$ for a prostitute.


----------



## nothing else

Nothing. I don't strive for the impossible.


----------



## ravens

I've often wished I was like my brother and had girlfriends like he did. He did go out whereas I've never done that. Only my fault that I never did.


----------



## Jesuszilla

ravens said:


> *I've often wished I was like my brother and had girlfriends like he did.* He did go out whereas I've never done that. Only my fault that I never did.


I agree. When it comes to dating, my brother has always had it easy. I'm talking from as early as age 11-12. It started with girls from our school calling him cute, then when he became really good at being the QB in our middle school (around 12-13) he was "hot". Add that with his natural extroversion, charisma, wit and confidence and he was extremely popular. While I was just his older brother who nobody knew my name. (also being a lineman in football didn't help since a lineman is the un-sexiest position in all of sports)

By high school it wasn't close. I couldn't make friends, I was too scared to talk to girls, I generally hated people while my brother's stock continued to rise. He moved on from QB to a really good linebacker and even played some safety and the girls kept flocking too him.

I was always jealous of him. Why couldn't I be confident? Why couldn't girls like me? Why did everything have to be handed to him?

My the time I left high school I tried dating and failed miserably. This was long before I found out about social anxiety so my very first "date" I pretty much had selective mutism. This is the first time I ever admitted this to anyone...my first date ever walked out on me because I was that boring.

I was crushed and all the insecurities I had were true. I was a loser. I will never have a girlfriend. I can barely function on a regular date.

Got a little off topic. The point I was making is that I too with I was like my brother. Instead I'm fighting this stupid anxiety whenever trying ways to meet women, pushing myself to do things I don't care much for...all for what? A little acceptance? Someone to "love me"? To fulfill my desires to have sex with someone that desires me sexually? I'm not sure if things will even pan out honestly, I just keep trying because I'm so damn lonely.


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> I agree. When it comes to dating, my brother has always had it easy. I'm talking from as early as age 11-12. It started with girls from our school calling him cute, then when he became really good at being the QB in our middle school (around 12-13) he was "hot". Add that with his natural extroversion, charisma, wit and confidence and he was extremely popular. While I was just his older brother who nobody knew my name. (also being a lineman in football didn't help since a lineman is the un-sexiest position in all of sports)
> 
> By high school it wasn't close. I couldn't make friends, I was too scared to talk to girls, I generally hated people while my brother's stock continued to rise. He moved on from QB to a really good linebacker and even played some safety and the girls kept flocking too him.
> 
> I was always jealous of him. Why couldn't I be confident? Why couldn't girls like me? Why did everything have to be handed to him?
> 
> My the time I left high school I tried dating and failed miserably. This was long before I found out about social anxiety so my very first "date" I pretty much had selective mutism. This is the first time I ever admitted this to anyone...my first date ever walked out on me because I was that boring.
> 
> I was crushed and all the insecurities I had were true. I was a loser. I will never have a girlfriend. I can barely function on a regular date.
> 
> Got a little off topic. The point I was making is that I too with I was like my brother. Instead I'm fighting this stupid anxiety whenever trying ways to meet women, pushing myself to do things I don't care much for...all for what? A little acceptance? Someone to "love me"? To fulfill my desires to have sex with someone that desires me sexually? I'm not sure if things will even pan out honestly, I just keep trying because I'm so damn lonely.


My brother didn't date while we were in school. He started dating after he started working. He did play sports while he was in school. He was on a baseball team when he was around 12 to 15 years old. He was on the golf team in high school. After high school he would play basketball with his friends.

I was never good at any sports. Tried to play baseball but when I was hit in the head I knew I just was never going to be athletically. My brother got the good at sports from my father. He played baseball on his high school team and played golf.

He was also called cute by girls and I probably heard that 1 time. I had joined ROTC in high school and a 11 year old girl said I was cute. Didn't happen after that and most of the time if I was told a girl liked me I found out it was a joke. Having anxiety anyway and I basically gave up after that.


----------



## Logitech

Agree with the pessimistic posts here. Standards too high, cannot try. Might as well cry.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I masturbate to porn. Digital girls are all I can get.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Logitech said:


> Agree with the pessimistic posts here. Standards too high, cannot try. Might as well cry.


 You're 17, what happened to make you so bitter at such a young age?


----------



## SilentLyric

signing in to pof again. maybe I can get a few dates during christmas break. 

probably not tho. lol.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I sent out my first message since my first fail with online dating


----------



## Logitech

Perhaps being on the Internet and seeing the failures of men that share some of my qualities.

Also, I'm on my tenth+ girl and I've never even kissed before.

It got old after the fourth.


----------



## Brandeezy

I have some great news guys! The coworker I've been talking about quit. I just looked at the schedule and her whole week is gone. Thank god, i was tired of that *****. **** her. Never date your coworkers guys

Edit:

Of course their has to be a twist. About 15 mins ago guess who i see, the girl and her new boyfriend. Lol i couldn't believe this **** so i stared at her hard and she avoided me like the plague lol. Her bf didn't even look at me lol but her facial expression was like "oh ****, let's get out of here". I feel like Walter White right now, i ****ing won :boogie


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Sometimes I wonder what girls want? Obviously not me.


----------



## sanspants08

I'm addressing my tendency to appear needy.


----------



## SilentLyric

Canadian Brotha said:


> I sent out my first message since my first fail with online dating


good luck. I've been sending out messages since my second fail with my online dating.


----------



## inerameia

I'm working on improving my personality. So difficult.


----------



## sanspants08

Logitech said:


> Perhaps being on the Internet and seeing the failures of men that share some of my qualities.
> 
> Also, I'm on my tenth+ girl and I've never even kissed before.
> 
> It got old after the fourth.


I think I was on like my 12th before one of them actually kissed me, and I was 18. Anyway, once you get the confidence from the first one who does kiss you, you'll be able to apply it with whoever comes after her, and so on. If you've already dated ten girls, you have something going for ya. I remember walking down the beach at 18, thinking I'd actually die before I kissed a girl. Then whoa, that changed!

I know it's easy for me to say at 2x your age, but dating does get better with practice.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

What I worry about is that she won't want to kiss me once she finds out I've never been kissed.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

I don't know if anyone's followed my posts about the girl with the ex drama. But the ex is out of the picture now. She's completely into me. Her parents gave back everything she had of his to him and then he went on instagram and called her a **** and wrote down everyone he thought she slept with for everyone in her circle to read, including her family. So the parents talked to him and made him stop contact. 

Sucks for girls that get into emotionally abusive relationships. But she's gotten over it now and calls me her prince. She bought an iphone just so she could facetime with me. Today she came over to my house and we banged for 2 hours and then she bought me lunch.


----------



## SilentLyric

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> What I worry about is that she won't want to kiss me once she finds out I've never been kissed.


maybe we should just keep that piece of information a secret. haha.


----------



## Jesuszilla

ManOfFewWords said:


> I don't know if anyone's followed my posts about the girl with the ex drama. But the ex is out of the picture now. She's completely into me. Her parents gave back everything she had of his to him and then he went on instagram and called her a **** and wrote down everyone he thought she slept with for everyone in her circle to read, including her family. So the parents talked to him and made him stop contact.
> 
> Sucks for girls that get into emotionally abusive relationships. But she's gotten over it now and calls me her prince. She bought an iphone just so she could facetime with me. Today she came over to my house and we banged for 2 hours and then she bought me lunch.


Glad that ex-boyfriend nonsense is done. Enjoy the relationship my man. You are what we aspire too.


----------



## Brandeezy

ManOfFewWords said:


> I don't know if anyone's followed my posts about the girl with the ex drama. But the ex is out of the picture now. She's completely into me. Her parents gave back everything she had of his to him and then he went on instagram and called her a **** and wrote down everyone he thought she slept with for everyone in her circle to read, including her family. So the parents talked to him and made him stop contact.
> 
> Sucks for girls that get into emotionally abusive relationships. But she's gotten over it now and calls me her prince. She bought an iphone just so she could facetime with me. *Today she came over to my house and we banged for 2 hours and then she bought me lunch.*


Lol Man of few words until the bedroom door closes :b


----------



## arnie

shynesshellasucks said:


> If you are able to do day game efficiently then you have good social skills and you are able to develop a social network meet women the non PUA low status way. Simplepick up and PUA are the ones that encourage day game which means day game has everything to do with PUA. I read somewhere in this thread (phoenixwright posted it) Cops or security were in the lookout for PUAs or cold approaches at malls so I'm not crazy. And yes most girls think that a guy approaching randomly during a normal day is weird and low status the story I posted is one of the many examples. Normal guys that get laid don't encourage simple pickup. Simplepickup and PUAs hype up day game because it helps them make money it is part of their cult to think day game is great and awesome. The guys I know who get laid don't do day game and don't encourage it.
> 
> I would expand my response but I'm using my phone and am busy at the moment. Maybe later.


----------



## pete24

I'm back to post for a bit...Guess I had some time out.

Met a girl via a dating site. We seemed to get on really well. Added each other on FB and I just thought wow.

We went on a date the other day. She was driving, so it was just me drinking alcohol and I was trying to hide my drunkenness. I thought it went well. We went on a long drive after out to the area she lives, then she dropped me off at mine.

On the date she said a load of private things about herself that she wouldn't tell just anyone. She text me after saying she had such a great evening. All of her texts contain loads of x's. We even spoke on the phone for over 3 hours the next night (which she suggested).

On the downside, since the date she has updated her dating profile. She has stopped with the compliments (before the date she was always calling me handsome). Then on the phone she said she's old fashioned and has learned to take things slow, so when I was touchy (nothing too bad, just put an arm round her as we were walking somewhere) she felt a bit awkward with it.

Not sure how to take things really. I'm not sure if saying she has learned to take things slow is really her way of saying shes not interested in me like that


----------



## bsd3355

^It's too early to tell, but if she declined you putting your arm around her on the first date then that is a bad sign. If she just felt uncomfortable with it, then that doesn't mean too much right now.

Just keep seeing her and see where things go. Do not be afraid to touch her or be intimate with her. Nearly every girl expects you to make moves, and if you are on a date then I know I would. I would rather make moves and get denied to know where I stand than never make moves she might expect you to do, or wait for her permission (bad). If she likes you then she'll keep seeing you regardless. Good luck, and glad to see you are still out there and trying.


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

Right now I'm just trying to connect with other people and see if solid friendships can develop. I'm completely focused on music, friendships and literature right now.


----------



## pete24

Thanks bwidger. Yeah that does make sense. The only other thing I can think of when she said it felt awkward as she likes things moving slow is perhaps because she may of had similar dates with guys, been lead on and then been shot down so perhaps is waiting to make sure i'm not gonna do the same.

That's what has spun me off a bit. A lot of women wont be brutally honest if they are not interested after getting to know the guy. It will usually be where they make an excuse up (it's not you, it's me) or will try and avoid contact. With her though shes been first to text each day since the date. 

The ball has been left in her court now. When she was dropping me off, I said i'm free this weekend and we remotely planned something, nothing concrete though. Then when we spoke on the phone I said hopefully we will meet this weekend. So i'm leaving the rest up to her.

I need to get the negative thoughts out of my head about her still going on the dating site after our date. Thinking of it, I do the same after a date where nothing concrete has formed. It's only really because if a relationship isn't formed later on after the date, I wouldnt of wasted time waiting around, so it could be the same for her.


----------



## bsd3355

Most girls expect you to court them at first so if you leave the ball in her court this early on she may interpret that as you not wanting to court her. The same goes with physicality, women expect men to make the moves, and really we should given our genetic makeup. Expecting her to take charge now is a huge mistake. Women expect men to make the moves and if you don't you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Honestly, a hug or putting your arm around her is nothing in dating and is usually welcomed if she likes you. It doesn't sound good, but keep trying anyway and see what happens.

You should know by now that dating is a precarious thing, which is why it is important to be efficient at meeting and attracting women in your life. When things click, they click; when they don't, they don't.

As men we should realize our role in the mating game and stop putting so much emphasis on rejection. It's like a video game: you keep playing until you win. The more we play the game the more we win. We don't put much emphasis on dying in the game because we can restart where we left off. This is kind of our role as men.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

My girl rejected my attempt to kiss her on our first date. How did I react? Like it was no big deal. I just moved my face back and kept on talking and teasing. Then after awhile she let me kiss her. Many girls are slow and will test your persistence. They're just protecting themselves. Never take rejections to heart.


----------



## bsd3355

ManOfFewWords said:


> My girl rejected my attempt to kiss her on our first date. How did I react? Like it was no big deal. I just moved my face back and kept on talking and teasing. Then after awhile she let me kiss her. Many girls are slow and will test your persistence. They're just protecting themselves. Never take rejections to heart.


exactly. good job


----------



## pete24

Thanks for the advice. We did a bit more texting today. She did bring up meeting on Sunday. At first she said shes not sure if she can get to town. I said no problem, another time maybe. Her reply to that was that she would love to meet up again if she does come to town and i'm about. So that could be a plus.

I woke up this morning and she had text and tried to phone me, I was asleep so missed her call.

I think perhaps she see's me as just a friend, wants me to make a move when sober so she knows I mean it, or wants to get to know me better first.

Not a write off at current. She seems the type to speak her mind as well so it could be worse.

If Sunday happens, I will try and make other subtle moves and will avoid drinking as much


----------



## Zeeshan

ManofFewWords

I am genuinely happy things worked out for you


----------



## ManOfFewWords

bwidger85 said:


> exactly. good job





Zeeshan said:


> ManofFewWords
> 
> I am genuinely happy things worked out for you


Thanks. I've never been happier. It was a lot of hard work to make this relationship work. But when a girl sees that type of effort, she knows you're the one. I felt like ending it so many times, and even did a couple times. As much as it hurt me, I had to stand my ground, let her know the type of behavior I wouldn't put up with and such. She was stuck, with no decent prospects in sight until she met me. She went about it the wrong way with me a few times. But you can't expect every scenario to go the way you want. You just have to shine through, demonstrate your value, give her a slice of heaven, and withdraw if she starts taking you for granted. She's in love with me now. She's realized that even after everything that's happened, hey I'm still here and not phased one bit. She bought me two new colognes, gave them to me today, and let me give her a quickie before we went to work. I can say life is genuinely good right now.


----------



## pete24

Last bit on my date. I know this is probably over-speculating, but its a fact I needed to look through. On her FB she has a lot of friends. From what I have seen, 90% of the guys in her friends list are well built rugby player types. All 3 of her ex's were gym freaks with big muscles. 

On the date we bumped into 1 of my friends. We all got talking and she added him on FB (was innocent). But then she added 3 guys off his friends list... All single, all well built, all with muscles.

I really think her type is well built guys with big muscles. I'm a slim guy though (she wouldnt of known I was slim until she met me). It is more than likely but I think sod it. Her 3 ex's were all scumbag's, 2 hit her about quite a bit and the other cheated on her countless times. As she's just turned 22, she will just keep making those mistakes until the penny drops.

While it's gutting as she is exactly what i'm after, I'm taking it all with a pinch of salt. 

There will come a time when she perhaps realises what she could of had, but it will be too late as I would be with someone else.

Edit: All confirmed in not so many words. Shes opened another profile on a dating site. Checking an existing profile is 1 thing, but making a new profile shows lack of interest. Contact has been basically non existent. Her words last night was she would let me know either way today about tomorrow.... Nothing mentioned at all


----------



## pete24

Man, I cant believe this. 

It's just 4pm here in the UK. Last night I updated my POF profile once again. Was feeling pretty productive and somehow everything I put on my profile seemed to flow. Probably is the best profile I have made online, there's funny bits, interesting bits, plenty of ambition.

Got up a few hours ago and checked my profile.... 6 inbox messages :O :O.

2 are smoking hot and I would of thought they were out of my league and the other 4 are quite nice.

Makes it even better that I have never been on contact with any of them and the messages were all from them sending them off their own backs.


----------



## mk1411

I have thought about trying POF or OkCupid, but I just don't like the idea of posting pictures of myself online. Part of me thinks I'll look stupid, or that I'll be messed with someone with a fake profile. Did anyone here have those same concerns at first? How did you overcome this, and go forward with signing up?


----------



## chefdave

I'm not actively looking for a g/f, but I'm currently getting my career together (I have a couple of computing/accounting classes lined up, starting tomorrow) and I'm exercising more regularly now. I'm also in the market for a house this year. 

Despite living with SA I'm making the most of my limited talents. If the right girl comes along fine, but I won't be looking for one. I wouldn't have the time anyway.


----------



## pete24

mk1411 said:


> I have thought about trying POF or OkCupid, but I just don't like the idea of posting pictures of myself online. Part of me thinks I'll look stupid, or that I'll be messed with someone with a fake profile. Did anyone here have those same concerns at first? How did you overcome this, and go forward with signing up?


It was so long ago I can't remember really.

I think at first I was thinking "oh no, what if someone recognises me and thinks im sad and desperate" or "what if people from the dating site in the street look and me and laugh thinking im a weirdo"

I got through it though. Nowadays nobody is too good or bad for dating websites. Most people seem to use them, from a poor, jobless, crack smoking waster to a highly successful business exec earning £200,000 a year.

Women tend to think 1 of 2 things when they see your profile. "Yes please" or "no thank you". Guy's don't look at other guy's profiles to rip on them or anything like that.

Women who are not interested can't see you in the street and say "there's that loser on the dating site" because of course they themselves are on the dating site.

Fake profiles are too easy to spot. Put it this way, unless you are a super hot, stunning guy and someone appearing to be the next worlds hottest big boobed, super slim model messages you, it's probably a spam bot.

Other than that, fake profiles are too blatant. (i.e if you see a profile with 1 picture of a super, super fat woman in a bikini rubbing cake over her stomach, it's clearly a joke profile)

In about 5 or 6 years of using online dating websites, I have never had any dealing with fake profiles messaging me or people sending me abusive crap.

Give it a go, you never know


----------



## mk1411

pete24 said:


> I think at first I was thinking "oh no, what if someone recognises me and thinks im sad and desperate" or "what if people from the dating site in the street look and me and laugh thinking im a weirdo


That right there has been my biggest fear about putting up photos of myself. I'm afraid that I'll be recognized by people that see me on the street, or someone from work will see it and tell everyone else and think "wow, is he really that desperate?" Plus, I have this mindset that I am too ugly. I am not that bad looking, but I have been losing my hair on top and that has taken a toll on me as far as my self image.

Thank you for the inspiration Pete, I am going to give it a shot. If I don't try, I could be missing out and not even know it.

It's time for me stop worrying about what others who are not important in my life think, and start living life for me. That's the only way I am going to make real progress and overcome this anxiety.

Thanks again Pete!


----------



## Nathan18

mk1411 said:


> *That right there has been my biggest fear about putting up photos of myself. I'm afraid that I'll be recognized by people that see me on the street, or someone from work will see it and tell everyone else and think "wow, is he really that desperate?"* Plus, I have this mindset that I am too ugly. I am not that bad looking, but I have been losing my hair on top and that has taken a toll on me as far as my self image.


The highlighted part is very irrational. If someone you know sees you on a dating site, then they're also on a dating site. If they're on a dating site, I don't know why they'd decide to look down on you. There is nothing wrong with being on one.

Thousands of people are. Even good looking people!


----------



## pete24

You are welcome MK... and like Nathan says, anyone who saw your profile would also be on the site themselves so wouldn't be able to say a thing.

Nothing to lose from it at all.


My progress now is i'm having a bit of time off the dating sites. Not so much because of results, but because of my mood. Seeing I had 6 new messages the other day was good but gave me a bit on an urghhhhh feeling knowing I will have to take time responding to each of them. It seems to come in waves, nothing at all, then loads of messages at once.

I will still put a bit of focus on that girl I had a date with. Although I can't read her yet. Shes still on dating sites and adding guys from it on FB, she even took the bait when I made a fake profile with a pic of a hot guy, she messaged him asking if he would like to chat and get to know her better.

Whereas when I asked if she just saw me as a friend, she said she really likes me, thinks im funny and I make her smile and shes eventually hoping to give us a go. She is crap at texting back (takes hours) but texts me first every morning plus has tagged me in a load of stuff on FB.... so i'm still unsure with her


----------



## riderless

I'll sell my soul if necessary...do you think it would be worth much?


----------



## mk1411

Nathan18 said:


> The highlighted part is very irrational. If someone you know sees you on a dating site, then they're also on a dating site. If they're on a dating site, I don't know why they'd decide to look down on you. There is nothing wrong with being on one.
> 
> Thousands of people are. Even good looking people!


Yeah I know, dumb thinking on my part.

Online dating will not work, unless I make the effort to try. Which I plan to try later this week:yes


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> You are welcome MK... and like Nathan says, anyone who saw your profile would also be on the site themselves so wouldn't be able to say a thing.
> 
> Nothing to lose from it at all.
> 
> My progress now is i'm having a bit of time off the dating sites. Not so much because of results, but because of my mood. Seeing I had 6 new messages the other day was good but gave me a bit on an urghhhhh feeling knowing I will have to take time responding to each of them. It seems to come in waves, nothing at all, then loads of messages at once.
> 
> I will still put a bit of focus on that girl I had a date with. Although I can't read her yet. Shes still on dating sites and adding guys from it on FB, she even took the bait when I made a fake profile with a pic of a hot guy, she messaged him asking if he would like to chat and get to know her better.
> 
> Whereas when I asked if she just saw me as a friend, she said she really likes me, thinks im funny and I make her smile and shes eventually hoping to give us a go. She is crap at texting back (takes hours) but texts me first every morning plus has tagged me in a load of stuff on FB.... so i'm still unsure with her


She's on a dating site; you met on a dating site, so I don't know why you expect her to just stop being on a dating site because she just met you. That is your insecurities talking. If a girl deleted her profile and stopped using the dating site to talk to other guys soon after she just started dating me, that would be weirder than her actually staying on there. Look, you guys have NO COMMITMENT and what you are doing is acting very insecure stalking her and trying to control her behavior and spy into her world and be manipulative after ONE flipping date! Dude, you are the one acting weird here. There is NO reason why she should or would stop dating just because she had a date with you. Dating a girl does NOT mean you two are committed. Dating a girl is getting to know her. She is getting to know guys and finding who she likes and has chemistry with. You should be doing the same with women, which you are, so when you are being so damn judgmental of her doing the same you are being an insecure hypocrite. You really need to knock that crap off because all you are doing is adding unnecessary stress on yourself when everything should be cool right now and you are making everything harder and worse and digging yourself in a hole and you will push a girl away doing that crap. Sorry, but it's true, and it's for your own good.

I see nothing too weird about what she is doing from your experience with her so far and if she is texting you every morning and adding you to FB tags then that's obviously a sign she likes you or she is interested in getting to know you. Have you ever thought your obsessive need to have a girl text you back when you want might be the reason she ISN'T texting you much or is taking her time? You are already being needy. Knock that off and do what most people would do and keep your options open like she is, recognize it is a normal and healthy and smart thing to do, and stop putting so much importance on this one girl. Dating is iffy and you don't know what will happen, so take it with a grain of salt for now, and be thankful women do that early on so you know where you stand instead of finding out way later down the road when there is trust and investment in the picture. If the girl doesn't want to keep dating you then meet another girl.

Not trying to be an ******* or anything, but just saying, man. GL


----------



## DS29790bb

Just stating my goal here. I am seeing a girl I really like, don't think it's gonna work out or turn into anything. But she was the first girl I ever dated.

Now that I got that out of the way, my goal for myself (as a college student) is more than one date (unless one works out well and gets me somewhere). And I've literally improved so much at talking and texting that I think I will literally go up and get a number from a cute girl in the library. Just like that, talk to them, get a number, get coffee later that week. I think I've improved myself enough to take that step.


----------



## pete24

Yeah some very valid stuff there as always bwidger85.

The thing I think though, if say anyone has a date... its gonna go 1 of 3 ways... crap, soso and worth a few more dates to find out or excellent with a big potential for a relationship eventually.

If it was the latter like she makes out, she really likes me and has tried to push herself on me (yep she said that, even though she is the same girl that didn't want any touching as she likes to take things slow), then shes already had her time on the dating site to find someone better before we dated.

As you know, dating is a pricey game. I think on our date we spent £50 each. It seems a waste of money to have a load more dates with others. "Really like" is quite a strong term, so would it be worth dating others just in case she "really like"'s 1 of them more than me? Whilst we have done enough talking, a follow up date could be a cheap option like the cinema for £5.

It seems a double standard thing with the texting. She won't reply for a few hours because of things like leaving her phone in her room while she watches tv, but if I don't reply for 2 hours she starts saying "are you still talking to me?" or "are you there?"

I think she does want to keep dating, but rarely comes to town and I cant get to her area, or she says she will let me know about meeting 1 day, but then doesnt.

I am keeping my options open, but I don't want to waste time and money dating others if i'm going to end up taking things to the next level with her.


DS29790bb sounds like a healthy approach. Hopefully that goal works out for you, at least it will keep building your confidence up


----------



## bsd3355

pete24, i am saying this with the utmost confidence, because i have been in your situation a zillion times, so listen to what I'm about to say here because it's true...

You know how people say "women say one thing and do another"? Because it's true. Take your situation for instance: she says she wants to see you and hang out with you so badly, but her actions say she doesn't. If one thing I know _for sure_ about women who you are trying to date, their actions always....ALWWWWAAAAAYYYYYYSS...always always always always always speaks louder than their words. Yes, women DO say one thing and mean the other.

But before you start cursing women and blaming them for being "illogical", you need to understand something. First, women aren't illogical creatures who lie and can't make up their minds. Yes, they are emotional, and more emotional than men typically, but they aren't stupid and the REASON why they say they'll do one thing but then do something else is because it's a cop out. It's a cop out in the same way you white lie to someone you don't want to hurt their feelings toward: "Oh, that shirt is really nice!", when in fact you think it is the ugliest thing ever. You do that because it's just easier than telling the truth and getting bad responses. Women say they'll do one thing and do the other because it is just easier to white lie to men, because if they told the truth they could get potential negative feedback they simply don't want to put up with. Men do the same, but women do it more because women are the ones who are pursued more and therefore are the ones who are usually in the position to do such things. If men were pursued more than women on average than men would be known for the ones who tell women "one thing and do the other", so don't use that statement as a way to justify to yourself women are illlogical creatures. NO, in fact, women are smart and they know what they want when they want it, but they say one thing and do the other so they don't have to deal with potential negative feedback. It is much easier on them to lie to men superficially and say, "Oh, I really like you! I will definitely meet you then! I'll let you know my schedule!". Some women actually do want to meet you, while the ones who don't say things like that because it's easier and safer. This is why I always say actions over words. ALWAYS actions over words. Because a woman's actions are what really shows you if she's interested.

So, knowing all this, the way this girl is treating you reminds me of the zillion of women out there who "say one thing and do the other" for the reasons I mentioned above. The truth is, if she really wanted to see you she would, just like in the same way she really wants to go to work so she does, and just like the same way she hang out with her close friends and meets them on time and responds to their messages on time, because she want to. When a woman says one thing and does the other, like how this girl is doing to you, what that means is she isn't as interested as she says she is. Realize this, and instead of wasting your precious money and mental energy, see what is going on stop putting so much value on what she says UNTIL she proves she is loyal to her word. A woman who likes you and wants to see you WILL be loyal to her word and will do the things that you expect someone who is interested in you will do. The girl you are seeing now is NOT doing the typical things a girl who is interested in you would do (does so by her ACTIONS).

From all my experience I can tell you she is telling you one thing but is doing the other, and she doesn't seem as interested in you as she says. Girls ALWAYS do this which gives them the rep "women say one thing and do the other". You need to be mindful of this and don't put so much value on a woman's word who you are trying to date UNTIL she proves herself loyal. Notice how women in the workforce do not act this way because they know if they say one thing and do the other to their boss they will get fired. They aren't stupid. And once again, the reason they do this is because they don't value the person or is interested enough in the person to be loyal like how they are to their close friends, jobs, school or other responsibilities.

Do not forget this because you will constantly get this from women when you date. So always pay attention to their actions more than their words until they are proved themselves trustworthy and loyal. You will know when a girl is into you by how she responds via actions.

The woman you are currently dating does not seem that interested and likely it will not turn out the way you want. Expect that, and this is why dating multiple people and not putting all your eggs in one basket is so important and healthy when it comes to dating.

This last week I've had like 7+ women say they were going to do something then not do it because they simply aren't interested enough to actually date me. _ It's what women do. _Heck, they even do it to each other_. You better get used to that._ And pay attention to the ones who actually do meet up and do the things they say they will, because those are the ones who are interested.


----------



## pete24

Had a read through your post...

I'm not doubting that women say 1 thing and do another. I know that from some women before and yep actions do totally speak louder than words. I bailed out on the overseas girl last month for pretty much that reason. She got a new job and I was put to the side. Every little thing she went back on since getting the job. Things like saying about catching up on skype on her days off... but not bothering to come on. There were a load of other things too. She could of made the effort and kept to what she said... but nope, she got on with her own life, put me to the side completely while expecting me to have a miserable life, go without and save every single penny up (over £600) to go and see her..... No chance, I walked.

The problem with this girl meeting me is genuine. She doesn't have a car at the moment. For our date she had to borrow her friend's car. She lives miles out in the countryside and the only way to get to my town is with a car. 

Apart from previous speculation, the only real concern is her still actively being on the dating site. You say it's keeping her options open. Equally though it could be that she's got me on hold as a backup in case she cant find anyone better.

You know with me and online dating that I have been on a lot of dates with women online. Went on over 10 dates, only 1 failed (she was a b!tch). The same pattern happened with all the dates that went well... They stopped using the dating sites, some even said off their own backs that they will remove their profiles. Yes everyone is different but that has been the general way so far, thus its confusing after all those dates with women online to suddenly be in a position of not being able to tell either way.

In some ways there have been actions on her part. I was tagged in a "was with" thing on her FB profile. Now we know and she knows that her 700 (or whatever number it was) FB friends and family will automatically assume we are dating from that. It will also put off guys who like her that are on her friends list... If she wasn't really that interested, she would want me hidden from view and wouldn't want anyone to know she is dating me.

I do have my options kept open somewhat. My option is that if stuff goes nowhere, I can find someone else on a dating site or by approaching.

It's not so much that I am putting all my focus on her, but more that I am trying to put my best efforts into things. If it fails, fair enough.

Say I arranged more dates with other women. Not only would it mean having a dented wallet but also since all of those women would be into different things, I would struggle trying to remember what each of them are into and other things about them. Thus I wouldn't be able to give things the best chance of leading to more and to be honest, would probably fail on all those dates.

Yeah I have mixed vibes about how she actually feels, but it's not enough at the moment to make me fully walk away. If I do get to that point where I know there's no chance, I can walk away, know I tried my best and move onto the next.


----------



## Jesuszilla

A part of me is bored with trying to date so I haven't been pushing myself since the new year rolled around. Even if I do meet women, we are not compatible in anyway and this whole dating process sucks and is boring.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I send out messages every Monday on OkCupid


----------



## pete24

I was adamant today I would stay out til late and cold approach.

As it happens, during drinking, I threw away most the cash on fruit machines and had just a few £ left. Had to go home, went on higher stakes casino stuff with cash at home and won £300.

Given the choice of a wild shot at getting a girl or £300, I would always choose the cash. It just means I get 2 or 3 extra chances of being out and about to find women.

-------Instead of posting again and pushing out rymo's post I thought I would edit this.


So that girl I was on about in the posts before? it's gone to pot.


Was well over a day with no texts at all from her. I just had this feeling. Then finally I had a text off her. It was saying shes had a lot on her mind and loads and feels stressed.

I dug deeper as she had a habit of claiming shes feeling low and stressed but never actually telling me what the issue is.

Then came the line.... She really, really likes me but is just scared of getting hurt.

Do you guys genuinely think that line is just a flake out? 

I thought it was. That line is a cushion as such. It's almost like saying no thanks and making out it's her to soften the blow.

I handled it cool through, didn't start begging or being pathetic. If anything I gave her another reason to walk away. I said its ok, shes still young (as she is, shes 5 years younger than me) and shes gotta just enjoy life, be single for a while and make the most out of it.

Deep down I am a bit gutted. It's rare I find a girl I genuinely like, but theres not much I can do apart from take it on the chin.

Weather it's karma or something, not long after that message, a girl on FB was chatting to me and wants a date. Yes she is pretty ugly and seems thick as a plank of wood... but I may just meet her, have a laugh as mates, gain some more skills. It was almost "easy", she has been totally chasing me, apologising for sending too many messages, saying im hot etc.

Then I logged onto POF, had 2 new messages off women. 1 of them is so my type. She was also complimenting me, saying I seem too hot for dating sites.

Just got a killer hangover to shake today now. Won't be drinking again for a while


----------



## rymo

Met a girl for a date from OkCupid. Turned out to be a wonderful girl, and we had a great time. All signs pointed to the feeling being mutual, and she agreed to go on a second date. At the same time, a friend of mine (aka one of the very few friends I have) got a job about 5 hours away and was moving. Super spontaneous. She was leaving the day after my date, so of course on the day of we all had to hang out with her before she left. So I asked my date if she wanted to come earlier, grab some food, and then hang out with me and a couple of my friends after (and explained to her the circumstances). She agreed, but then on the day of she canceled, saying she was sick or something.

It made me realize that asking a girl on a second date to hang out with my friends when she barely knows me was obviously a bad move, and shows very little social intelligence on my part. In the dating world, especially this early on, a move like that could make all the difference. Usually I just act like I don't care, because I don't, and that seems to work. But now I finally, probably for the first time ever, feel some kind of spark...and I botch it in one fell swoop.

It's sad that I even take it so seriously. It just shows how lonely I am not really having friends (especially now) or things to do except work and go on (mostly) pointless dates. I really can't complain about the whole being single thing in that regard; I do just fine with women. But damn, liking someone is scary. Vulnerable. I don't like it, especially since I have nothing to fall back on if something goes wrong except my own twisted, negative mind, which will inevitably (see: right now) put me into a funk for no reason.

I told her to let me know when she wants to hang out and she said she would (with a smiley face) but I can't help but think that was it. We'll see.


----------



## bsd3355

Made a decision to move to chicago. The main reason is because 24/7 abundance of girls from day time to night time. Here, where I live now, the only good time is during college semesters. The other reason I want to move there is good public transportation and it has a college I want to finish my degree at. I took off this semester to start saving money for the move. The only downside is that I will have to wait 1 full year in chicago for instate tuition, or else I will be paying out of state, which is like 3xs as much, but it's worth it to me as this is a huge passion of mine, and life is short.

Other than that, since college has came into swing locally I have been putting serious amount of approaching and meeting girls in since I am only working right now. Since the 13th I have collected probably a dozen or so numbers, went on a few dates, some flaked, been doing night time and day time approaches, etc. Had sex last night with girl I had date with last night. Had a date this morning I just came back from; seems solid. Had date a couple days ago which not sure of.

Really, what this goes to show is that if you have the belief and you put the work in and overcome fear, laziness and stay motivated and driven you will succeed. You guys know how much work I've done putting into this stuff.

The opportunity for a relationship is definitely on the table, but I realize that I have a lot of growth and learning to do yet in this area and I am focused to get there. I am not where I want to be yet. Not even close. In fact, I feel I *maybe* just getting over the "newbie" phase. I look at this area of my life a lot different than most guys here probably, but at the same time if the guys had the opportunity to do it then they would too. Every person should be able to have a dating life they enjoy once in their lives. I have worked to get "good" at the stage and to feel competent in this area so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Lots more work to do, and chicago will be a great learning experience.


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> So that girl I was on about in the posts before? it's gone to pot.
> 
> Was well over a day with no texts at all from her. I just had this feeling. Then finally I had a text off her. It was saying shes had a lot on her mind and loads and feels stressed.
> 
> I dug deeper as she had a habit of claiming shes feeling low and stressed but never actually telling me what the issue is.
> 
> Then came the line.... She really, really likes me but is just scared of getting hurt.
> 
> Do you guys genuinely think that line is just a flake out?
> 
> I thought it was. That line is a cushion as such. It's almost like saying no thanks and making out it's her to soften the blow.


She might be telling the truth, but she's on a dating site. Of course it's a flake out.

I told you, man. But it's a normal part of going out and putting your neck on the line. Every guy must do it, and those who do it more are the ones who get the most dates/girls. Gutted feeling, yes. But you aren't alone. Good going regardless. Maybe next time be a little more laid back in your approach. GL


----------



## nothing else

waiting for more desperate people to be born


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Logitech said:


> Agree with the pessimistic posts here. Standards too high, cannot try. Might as well cry.


Crying is healing if you have depression. Ive set overly high and unrealistic goals it can get pretty rediculous.



arnie said:


>


What if women are the ones doing pick up? the cops stop them? Ive been asked out before and made me really nervous and just left. Its my fault for not taking any self responsibility.


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> She might be telling the truth, but she's on a dating site. Of course it's a flake out.
> 
> I told you, man. But it's a normal part of going out and putting your neck on the line. Every guy must do it, and those who do it more are the ones who get the most dates/girls. Gutted feeling, yes. But you aren't alone. Good going regardless. Maybe next time be a little more laid back in your approach. GL


Yeah you are very right mate. In some ways I was right with the doubts thus the over thinking. While I have just given up on her, iv seen some status updates on FB. She is clearly not over her ex, realised it and wants him back. Haven't long seen a status with crying emoticon's saying her heart is broken... Clearly he has said he doesn't want her back... Wrong of me perhaps but as soon as I saw that I smirked .

Anyway, 1 huge positive yesterday. I started talking to this gay guy I knew ages ago. As he knows a lot about his fashion, he's picked out £200 of clothes for me to buy which he claims would really suit me.

I'm focusing now on looking my best by May. He's giving me complete tips on everything. Got a healthy diet starting with exercise at the start of Feb and have a new plan to get to town every other Saturday for about 5pm. Then go to the bar's to hopefully approach some women before they get too drunk and start their night out.

Positive vibes


----------



## rymo

Girl texted me back. Wants to hang out this week. All the worrying for nothing. I crumble over everything; my own negatively perceived reality. Whatever. Going to try to use this little boost to really get motivated this week leading up to the date. Get work done, run errands, get a haircut, hopefully work out for once, and hopefully stop being a vampire.


----------



## inerameia

Nothing. It's pointless. It will never work for me.


----------



## bsd3355

CopadoMexicano said:


> Crying is healing if you have depression. Ive set overly high and unrealistic goals it can get pretty rediculous.
> 
> What if women are the ones doing pick up? the cops stop them? Ive been asked out before and made me really nervous and just left. Its my fault for not taking any self responsibility.


talking to people during the day and asking for a date is not illegal. these pictures and stupid naive insecure thoughts piss me off. going to stop trting to defend this. it's pointless for sime ppl. it's obvious. im not talking about this quoted post, but ideas thar revolve around this pucture. mystery is a nerd. he would be dressing like that and acting like that regardless of girls.

to answer your question though, doesnt matter who approaches first. obviously it is more common for males to make the moves, so relying on women talking to you is a losing battle most women expect and want you to lead


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Anyway, 1 huge positive yesterday. I started talking to this gay guy I knew ages ago. As he knows a lot about his fashion, he's picked out £200 of clothes for me to buy which he claims would really suit me.
> 
> I'm focusing now on looking my best by May. He's giving me complete tips on everything. Got a healthy diet starting with exercise at the start of Feb and have a new plan to get to town every other Saturday for about 5pm. Then go to the bar's to hopefully approach some women before they get too drunk and start their night out.
> 
> Positive vibes


Good stuff. I'm happy for you. Way to be productive


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Girl texted me back. Wants to hang out this week. All the worrying for nothing. I crumble over everything; my own negatively perceived reality. Whatever. Going to try to use this little boost to really get motivated this week leading up to the date. Get work done, run errands, get a haircut, hopefully work out for once, and hopefully stop being a vampire.


Yeah, get the blood flowing and get into some activities. It helps the feeling of stagnation and brings back some zest in your life. Are you just talking to this one girl? Abundance mind frame helps like no other for this.


----------



## Testsubject

Currently trying to reverse engineer some key studies on influence, manipulation, coercion tactics. Ultimately I want to find a dynamic way to implement these tactics to help create a relationship. I still have years of research left though. I understand there is related material in the realm of PUA, but I want to create something build off actual scientific study. Key bases of success will be determined on probability.


----------



## bsd3355

So I have been killing it lately with meeting girls. I have like 5 dates set up this week. Don't hardly have enough time to fill in the slots! Honestly don't have enough time to date all the girls I've met so have to schedule. Had sex with another girl last night. Casual sex will not make me happy. I understand that now. All these girls I met in real life whom I approached (bars, college, etc). I am in a process of major learning right now.

To be completely honest, my ego is totally nonexistent. I could imagine in high school I probably would of felt different, but anymore I don't feel any different than when I started on my journey of "becoming better". The insecurities of feeling lonely and helpless are the started forces that drove me to push. The desire to "become better and get this area handled" then took over and remained the main goal. When I feel like I have arrived where I want to be I will know for certain I finally accomplished what I have tried so hard for so long to get handled. And ironically, I feel no better off than when I started, minus the loneliness factor.

There are no tricks to meet girls. There is no secret. What it takes is facing your fears, being the guy who initiates and carries things forward, being yourself in a confident way.... you will need to learn how to be a good conversationalist, and you will need to learn how to manage your negative emotions. These things take time but take it from me that people want to meet you. For many people, the problem isn't that people don't want to meet them, it's because the people who have a hard time meeting others either aren't confident enough, aren't consistent enough, or are going about things wrong in the sense not expanding new areas or places to meet others (also not taking enough RISKS!). Once you take the lead and realize that many people are afraid not to take that position you realize that when you do start meeting those people you'll see they were in the same position as you not feeling confident nor competent about their ability to meet others. And when you approach someone as a confident, friendly way, you demonstrate strength which is attractive to people. Many people are relieved to find out they can feel comfortable around you.


----------



## Rashomon89

On New Year party I was dancing for about 3 minutes (ha ha) with extremely hot girl, you know 10/10 type of girl you don't see every day.  We exchanged few words, and just when I felt comfortable touching her, she run away to her friends. Maybe I was too agressive  Best 3 minutes in this year so far :b


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> So I have been killing it lately with meeting girls. I have like 5 dates set up this week. Don't hardly have enough time to fill in the slots! Honestly don't have enough time to date all the girls I've met so have to schedule. Had sex with another girl last night. Casual sex will not make me happy. I understand that now. All these girls I met in real life whom I approached (bars, college, etc). I am in a process of major learning right now.
> 
> To be completely honest, my ego is totally nonexistent. I could imagine in high school I probably would of felt different, but anymore I don't feel any different than when I started on my journey of "becoming better". The insecurities of feeling lonely and helpless are the started forces that drove me to push. The desire to "become better and get this area handled" then took over and remained the main goal. When I feel like I have arrived where I want to be I will know for certain I finally accomplished what I have tried so hard for so long to get handled. And ironically, I feel no better off than when I started, minus the loneliness factor.
> 
> There are no tricks to meet girls. There is no secret. What it takes is facing your fears, being the guy who initiates and carries things forward, being yourself in a confident way.... you will need to learn how to be a good conversationalist, and you will need to learn how to manage your negative emotions. These things take time but take it from me that people want to meet you. For many people, the problem isn't that people don't want to meet them, it's because the people who have a hard time meeting others either aren't confident enough, aren't consistent enough, or are going about things wrong in the sense not expanding new areas or places to meet others (also not taking enough RISKS!). Once you take the lead and realize that many people are afraid not to take that position you realize that when you do start meeting those people you'll see they were in the same position as you not feeling confident nor competent about their ability to meet others. And when you approach someone as a confident, friendly way, you demonstrate strength which is attractive to people. Many people are relieved to find out they can feel comfortable around you.


Arrived where you want to be? Where the **** do you want to be? Mars? You're over the moon already with the ladies, you should just kick back a bit and enjoy the moment, not try to cram every second of your life with dates.


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## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Arrived where you want to be? Where the **** do you want to be? Mars? You're over the moon already with the ladies, you should just kick back a bit and enjoy the moment, not try to cram every second of your life with dates.


I am enjoying the moment in my own way, but obviously there are issues related to it. Every pro has it's con, for sure. Not all grass is greener on the other side. Thanks


----------



## bsd3355

On a side note, you know what is funny about dating girls? They punish you for not taking risks. I remember when I wouldn't get physical with a girl, after the broke up with me they would say I didn't touch them enough or couples are supposed to touch, etc. The irony in this is that women expect men to take the lead and a lot, not all, will never ever ever ever make the moves. And who's fault is it in the end? The man's. Haha, funny, right?

Women teach you how to meet them. The more risks you take, the more they reward you because they expect you to take those risks. So it pisses me off when I hear people talk about guys being "creepy" by hitting on them when we are expected to and rewarded for doing so. This is a man's double standard. Yet, when you lead and make things happen and take risks against social-insecure-scrutiny you are rewarded and the women appreciate you stepping up, as they have always expected. Ironic, no?

In fact, some people think pushing for sex on the first date is a bad thing. But sometimes it's better because you establish yourself as a man who knows what he wants and goes for it, and you are letting her know you want her. She still has the power to refuse for sex and withhold if she wants. But from what I've found is if you're cool about it then they are cool about it and actually appreciate you stepping up and showing you like her early and being physical the way a man is expected. It allows her to be a woman.

So yeah, I find that ironic. Yes, treat women well and respect them, but also realize that many are waiting for you to talk to them, to invite them on a date, to have sex, to be in a relationship. The dating phase (the beginning) is the most important part to learn how to lead as a guy. In a relationship I think a 50/50 dynamic is perfectly fine and healthy.

Come across as a normal guy who wants to meet her and you won't be "creepy". Being creepy is not being open and honest with girls, or being so insecure that you act weird around them. But if you're cool and are honest about why you are talking to them and what you want it is often respected.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

^ This man speaks the truth. I have learned this through my own experiences. Just last night I took my girl out to dinner and then after I drove her to this place on a hill in a residential area that overlooked the entire city. We got out of the car walked from the street to the terrain and sat at this spot on the hill. We cuddled and talked and I had a hard on and put her hand on it and just started grinding on her. She said, "Noooo nothing's gonna happen. I'm going to make you wait again". (We're still in the early stages of our relationship and her family is extremely protective of her even though we've done stuff in the past). 

Normally I would have said, "that's fine, we can wait". But something inside me woke up, and I had remembered in the past her telling me that she wished I would have done her in the backseat of her car. (This was on new years eve when I visited her after she got off work. She had to hurry to church to be with her family for the new years ceremony, because her dad is the pastor.) At the time, it didn't seem like the situation called for it. But I realized that I was respecting these imaginary boundaries that she wanted me to break. 

So fast forward to last night. She tells me she doesn't want anything to happen. I completely disregard her and tell her, "I'm gonna **** you. Come with me". I grab her hand, pull her up and walk her to my car. She doesn't say a word. We get back to my car and she stands by the front passenger door as if she expects me to take her home. I disregard and open the door to the backseat. She gets in. She sits back as I push the front seats forward to give us more room. I start kissing her and she lets me pull off her shirt and pants. She's laying there in her panties and I pull down my jeans. She's into it. I tell her to go down on me and she does. Then I pull out a condom and go to work on her in the cramped backseat. We only bang for a few minutes before I lose control and come inside her. (The quickest I've ever come in a girl... I was excited and anxious about what I just did that I got caught up in the moment and couldn't control my ability to hold back. Plus it was a couple weeks since we last did it, so I was very excitable.) She tells me she enjoyed it despite how fast I finished. 

Later that night she texts me how glad she was that I did that and how much she loved me being inside her again. How she didn't expect me to do that but was so happy that I did. So that was a huge learning experience for me that women do want it sometimes even when they say otherwise. Of course if she was resisting or pleading for me not to do anything when we got to my car, I wouldn't have done anything. But she didn't do that. She went along with it as if that's what she wanted from the beginning.


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## mk1411

bwidger85 said:


> There are no tricks to meet girls. There is no secret. What it takes is facing your fears, being the guy who initiates and carries things forward, being yourself in a confident way.... *you will need to learn how to be a good conversationalist*, and you will need to learn how to manage your negative emotions.


That's what I struggle with. I draw blanks, and can't think of anything intelligent or funny to say, and when that happens I feel like a complete idiot.


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## bsd3355

mk1411 said:


> That's what I struggle with. I draw blanks, and can't think of anything intelligent or funny to say, and when that happens I feel like a complete idiot.


The words don't matter as much as your vibe and ability to make others comfortable in your space. It's honestly more about emotions than it is the words you say. There are a lot of videos out there on how to talk to others. It takes practice.


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## bsd3355

ManOfFewWords said:


> ^ This man speaks the truth. I have learned this through my own experiences. Just last night I took my girl out to dinner and then after I drove her to this place on a hill in a residential area that overlooked the entire city. We got out of the car walked from the street to the terrain and sat at this spot on the hill. We cuddled and talked and I had a hard on and put her hand on it and just started grinding on her. She said, "Noooo nothing's gonna happen. I'm going to make you wait again". (We're still in the early stages of our relationship and her family is extremely protective of her even though we've done stuff in the past).
> 
> Normally I would have said, "that's fine, we can wait". But something inside me woke up, and I had remembered in the past her telling me that she wished I would have done her in the backseat of her car. (This was on new years eve when I visited her after she got off work. She had to hurry to church to be with her family for the new years ceremony, because her dad is the pastor.) At the time, it didn't seem like the situation called for it. But I realized that I was respecting these imaginary boundaries that she wanted me to break.
> 
> So fast forward to last night. She tells me she doesn't want anything to happen. I completely disregard her and tell her, "I'm gonna **** you. Come with me". I grab her hand, pull her up and walk her to my car. She doesn't say a word. We get back to my car and she stands by the front passenger door as if she expects me to take her home. I disregard and open the door to the backseat. She gets in. She sits back as I push the front seats forward to give us more room. I start kissing her and she lets me pull off her shirt and pants. She's laying there in her panties and I pull down my jeans. She's into it. I tell her to go down on me and she does. Then I pull out a condom and go to work on her in the cramped backseat. We only bang for a few minutes before I lose control and come inside her. (The quickest I've ever come in a girl... I was excited and anxious about what I just did that I got caught up in the moment and couldn't control my ability to hold back. Plus it was a couple weeks since we last did it, so I was very excitable.) She tells me she enjoyed it despite how fast I finished.
> 
> Later that night she texts me how glad she was that I did that and how much she loved me being inside her again. How she didn't expect me to do that but was so happy that I did. So that was a huge learning experience for me that women do want it sometimes even when they say otherwise. Of course if she was resisting or pleading for me not to do anything when we got to my car, I wouldn't have done anything. But she didn't do that. She went along with it as if that's what she wanted from the beginning.


Hell yeah, man. Good job! :boogie

Girls refuse sex, even if they want sex, because they don't want to be "****s", or they don't want the responsibility of sex. A lot of girls want the man to take the full lead, take the pressure off of them, take the social stigma of a "****" away from them, etc.

You know how guys have a sitgma about being seen as weak or something stupid like that? Well, girls have a HUGE stigma about looking and feeling like ****s. They want to have sex but they don't want to feel bad about it. Obviously, some girls aren't like this, but A LOT are.

Often guys will be put in the "friend zone" because they do not escalate within a certain time frame. The guy who is put in the friend zone thinks that making a move on a girl on the first date is "wrong"; the guy thinks he has all the time in the world to make a move. In reality, what is going on is the man is not stepping up and setting the dynamic of the relationship, of which HE started in the first place. Do you want to be her friend or do you want to be sexual with her? She may lose respect for you if you wait too long, and women get confused by this. Better to start off asap.

It is ironic, even now, to realize that women will respect you more for knowing what you want, going for it and setting the dynamic of the relationship early. Why? Because it is expected of us. Also, it is better all the way around because you find out if she wants you that way, and she knows you are able to take the necessary steps to set the man-woman dynamic.

manoffewwords, i understand a girl not wanting sex the first and sometimes second attempt (different dates), but i absolutely hate it when women withhold sex for longer than that. Personally, it's pointless because if the man just wants sex then he is going to leave regardless if he gets it or not. On the other hand, if he wants more than sex, then she may be risking things by not being sexual. I will not be in a relationship with a girl who doesn't want to have sex or has a large retarded stigma about it because it is completely stupid and unnecessary. If she has personal issues with it, then I respect that, but she's not for me. Better to find out sooner than later. I've dated girls who I clicked with real well and we'd kiss, make out, etc., but they would not have sex and I just got frustrated and met other girls. If a girl has a personal standard about sex then I respect that because she has every right for that obviously, but it would personally frustrate me.


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## Jesuszilla

ManofFewWords and bwidger85 comments reminds me of a girl earlier this week who told me that "no" doesn't always mean "no". It seems like you 2 have confirmed what she was saying. Which was that some women (or according to bwidger most women) say "no" to see what a man will do


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## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> ManofFewWords and bwidger85 comments reminds me of a girl earlier this week who told me that "no" doesn't always mean "no". It seems like you 2 have confirmed what she was saying. Which was that some women (or according to bwidger most women) say "no" to see what a man will do


Yes. Obviously there is a huge difference between a woman saying "no" with a smile on her face and passive resistance versus a girl who says a firm "no" and will not allow you to move any further or pushes you away. You need to be able to know when is really enough and when it is just token resistance.

I wouldn't say "most" women say no. But I would say, depending on a multitude of factors, many say no as a front. Use your best judgement.


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## Rashomon89

bwidger85 said:


> Often guys will be put in the "friend zone" because they do not escalate within a certain time frame. The guy who is put in the friend zone thinks that making a move on a girl on the first date is "wrong"; the guy thinks he has all the time in the world to make a move. In reality, what is going on is the man is not stepping up and setting the dynamic of the relationship, of which HE started in the first place. Do you want to be her friend or do you want to be sexual with her? She may lose respect for you if you wait too long, and women get confused by this. Better to start off asap.


Something like this happened to me. It's true. If you don't make a first step in right time things can go bad. On 1st date with this girl I like I was relaxed and there was so much emotions between us. But I didn't feel I need to do anything so I just enjoyed moments with her. It was wonderful, we talked for 3 hours. 
On 2nd date, I knew I had to break touch barrier, to go for kiss, to change dynamics, and that's what made me feel extremely nervous, that's where my social anxiety jumps in and interfere with my life. Sadly. So I didn't enjoy that date because of tension, didn't manage to touch her or kiss her.
I knew I failed, I sensed she was disappointed. Our communication went downwards since then and we didn't exchange any message for whole month.

Just when I thought it's over she texted me again (few weeks ago). I have tried to call her on date again but she postponed it. My chances our slim now, but to let anxiety win this "fight" - it would be disaster! This girl is really something different, worth fighting for, and I feel she's not indifferent towards me so I won't give up easily.


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## CopadoMexicano

I have a question for any here how do you let a girl down easily? Like if she approaches you and seems like shes interested in conversation off line or online?


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## HilarityEnsues

Not much really.... Since I started getting out more, my confidence has been oozing from every orifice and women have started throwing themselves at me...

Sit back and sort em' out. 



CopadoMexicano said:


> I have a question for any here how do you let a girl down easily? Like if she approaches you and seems like shes interested in conversation off line or online?


In my case I just pretend I don't notice the flirting, and if it continues pull them aside and say either you're not interested or think things would be best if you remained friends.


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## pete24

Is it just me or are online dating sites becoming way too filled with too many of the up their own backside, ego filled, fake tan munching, mcdonalds working (but thinks they belong in a beauty salon) b!tches?

I'm not saying this because luck has dried up online... far from it. But it has started to pee me off seeing profiles like this.

Scrolling through the "meet me" pages on POF I notice more and more of them joining dating websites. We all know the sort, dressed to perfection, buckets of makeup 24/7, fake tan, bleach blonde hair, would cry if they broke a nail and they absolutely love themselves.

Looking at women that have clicked yes to me on the "meet me" thing I currently have approaching 250. None of them are of the above variety.

Digging deeper I was looking at their ego filled profiles and it seems its all just an ego boost to them. Checked 30 or so of their profiles and they were all filled with the same sort of crap... "add me on twitter", "only guys with tattoo's and over 6 ft need apply", "Just guys with muscles please", "must drive and have a professional job".


Pee's me off that under all that makeup and fake tan, they are often vomit material, but because they never take it off, they assume they deserve a cream of the crop guy.

I personally don't find them attractive as it is but a guaranteed ego makes me skip them and not bother.

Isn't it quite sad though that instantly they wouldnt be interested in guys like me because of trivial things like we are not over 6ft and don't have bulging muscles/tattoo's?


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## Nomad64

Nothing :blank


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## pete24

Nah thats the sad thing... they are 100% genuine.

It's often way too easy to spot a fake profile. In real life theres a lot of women of that type so not surprising many of them are on dating sites.

I think it works out now that 2 in every 3 on the "meet me" feature are of that sort with loads of photos


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## IcedOver

I've posted before about my misadventures trying to find someone who shares my particular interests. I had two total flake-outs last year, the first of which was such a mindfvck that I'm only now coming out of the depressive fog of disappointment. In November I got to talking to a third woman who is into something I'm into, but not in the way I'm into it. It's looking pretty good for us to meet, and she seems quite enthusiastic. While this would not be a sexual meeting in the classic sense, it would be the first _anything_ I've had with a woman. The problem is that I'm not sure I want to do it, mainly because she's one county over and cannot host (I do not want to host either). A hotel is a possibility, but the hassle of it is making me blanch somewhat. I know I should slap myself and just do it, but now that it's come to it, I don't know if I'm up for it.


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## Ntln

I don't know. I'm not sure if I like her or just find her really really really really really really attractive. Part of me wants to just stare into her big blue eyes and kiss her and part of me says "Nah, she's not right for me, better just forget about it".


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## dal user

Ntln said:


> I don't know. I'm not sure if I like her or just find her really really really really really really attractive. Part of me wants to just stare into her big blue eyes and kiss her and part of me says *"Nah, she's not right for me, better just forget about it".*


This is exactly how I think

the thing is with me is im really grotesque looking so there isn't any girl on the planet who would date me.


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## Rashomon89

failoutboy said:


> I think most of those profiles are fake. I have a few fake profiles on a couple sites to mess with people who I think deserve it. It is my guilty pleasure.


You made my day :teeth


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## nothing else

I usually walk around naked with a cardboard sign around my neck that says "I'm available"


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## alyien

*No balls*

I'm 27, never gotten a 2nd date.
I've been to many raves over the past 3.5 years and it took me forever to approach and ask girls to dance. Now I just start grabbing their hands or hips wtv cuz it works for my friend. Been rejected probably 1000 times, grinded with around 100 girls, but only kissed like 8 and all usually under a minute since I can't figue out the whole tongue thing.
Thing is I usually have to take oxycontin to have a good time. Don't care about rejection as much, happy, aggressive, confident,social.. Its the way id want to live.

Ive managed to dance with girls without drugs but approaching even with substance abuse is brutal. 
One night got ignored by almost every girl I tried to talk to like 1/10 made convo (well it was a group of 2) to me and im pretty sure they were laughing at me after. I actually asked some random chick if im ugly because i was so frustrated.
I've done the say hello thing to 20 ppl noone said hi back, i smiled and stuff too.
I live in Vancouver which has a rep as an unfriendly city so I really don't know a comfortable place to approach. Obviously clubs/bars don't work for me because its a huge competition and I've had girls tell me online I'm not goodlooking so its harder....but i can't for the life of me approach. here the trains are quiet and i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable at the mall because lets face it if a handsome guy approaches its good, if hes ugly its creepy. 
I'm still inspired to try though since I have gotten dates before and since they don't find me too repulsive to kiss.


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## alyien

Note I find it wayyy easier to dance even if i'm the first one on the floor than talk to ppl. but reality is you need to converse with them to get a # or anything plus my kissing issue makes them leave.
So its a waste of time, other than an ego boost. So I need to somehow push myself to do what you guys are doing but holy **** I went to the mall today and ended up just feeling like **** seeing all the couples.


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## alyien

By the way I've found the best place to approach is when there is a fireworks. Like Canada Day or July 4th. 
For us the downtown area is packed and people are bored waiting for it to start and are usually drunk so are up to converse. When I'm with my friend I approach with him, but they all want him tho.. :/


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## bsd3355

alyien, it's good you are trying, but this is something someone would have to see you in action doing in order to give good advice. I don't think it is normal to be rejected as many as you have in a row, especially in person. I can tell off the bat that your mindset is probably doing you a disfavor, not that I can blame you.

You go to raves a lot? OK. Well, next time you are dancing with a girl just start kissing her. Yes, that's right. Just start kissing her. You'll be surprised how many girls just start kissing you back. Talk with the girl. Flirt with the girl. Ask for her number after talking and flirting a bit.

Likely it's your vibe and how you think that is what is messing you up. Fix your negative assumptions and try to replace them by positive re-frames and be positive and give good vibes when you are out and I bet this will fix a lot of your problems. This is all I can say from afar. Good luck. Watch some videos on this stuff from youtube if need be. A lot of information on this stuff out there.


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## alyien

Yeah I always go for the kiss now but I mean its hard to learn to do it properly since these chicks don't like amateurs so it ends fast. 
Tomorrow I hope to get some numbers. My friend always manages too.

The last girl I went out with mutual friends with someone so now I know everything I was doing wrong.
No confidence, clingy, never physical. Oh and the worst One "too nice"
She said all girls have a niceness "ladder" and I was at the maximum which is bad apparently.
And she friendzoned me yet still flirted with me all the time while she was seeing other guys.

I realize what a competition dating is. An average girl has several guys trying to court her, so she picks the most alpha of them all.

I get really really jealous when I read about 12-13 year olds having sex, I'm more than double that and still haven't got anything.
Really jealous of women too, I mean its sooooo easy. I knew a very shy girl in class and she didn't care about dating but had a huge lineup of d***s. Longest she went without sex was 2 months.


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## bsd3355

alyien said:


> Yeah I always go for the kiss now but I mean its hard to learn to do it properly since these chicks don't like amateurs so it ends fast.
> Tomorrow I hope to get some numbers. My friend always manages too.
> 
> The last girl I went out with mutual friends with someone so now I know everything I was doing wrong.
> No confidence, clingy, never physical. Oh and the worst One "too nice"
> She said all girls have a niceness "ladder" and I was at the maximum which is bad apparently.
> And she friendzoned me yet still flirted with me all the time while she was seeing other guys.
> 
> I realize what a competition dating is. An average girl has several guys trying to court her, so she picks the most alpha of them all.
> 
> I get really really jealous when I read about 12-13 year olds having sex, I'm more than double that and still haven't got anything.
> Really jealous of women too, I mean its sooooo easy. I knew a very shy girl in class and she didn't care about dating but had a huge lineup of d***s. Longest she went without sex was 2 months.


I get your frustration, but every sex has their own issues to deal with. Guys don't have to put up with some of the crap girls have to and vice versa--of course, it doesn't HAVE to be that way, but it is.

Girls not liking you is simply a common occurrence if you keep taking the risk to put yourself out there. At the same time, you should be meeting girls that like you at the same time (usually less often, of course). Not every girl turns you down for reasons you may think.

On a side note, I'm beginning to realize that some people, no matter how much information or potential they may have, will not be successful in dating. It can be a conscious thing or a subconscious thing. So I kind of recognize me talking about this doesn't do much for people who don't have what it takes, and I think those who are in that position only want to hear up to a certain point. After that, they could give a **** less what I'm saying or what anyone says that could put them on the right track. Just my thoughts; don't mean to sound condescending but that's just how I feel. Doesn't make anybody less or more worthy. Just saying.

Keep pushing. Keep trying. Read, watch youtube videos, get inspired, try new things. I think if you are really trying you'll have an idea of what next steps you need to take if you keep at it.

But in general:
1. Work on your vibe/impression you give off
2. Be bold and take huge risks of rejection
3. Don't worry about what to say; rather, throw yourself in the situation and just start talking and you'll naturally adjust with practice. It's actually better to not have any scripts because you have everything you need already, you just have to lower the bar for what to say and say it and keep talking.
4. Ask questions, make statements
5. Ask for number or date
6. If at bar and looking to get laid, then flirt, talk, be physical, lead and have an excuse/reason to leave the venue with girl and lead


----------



## alyien

I did try talking to alot of ppl at the event tonight. Some chick even asked me to dance but I ****ed it up.
Anyway I danced with alot of girls, rejected by tons tho. Actually made out with 2, and fingered one while doing so until her bf came lol.
No numbers tho and I still suck at making convo/flirting but at least I finally got to feel a vag.


----------



## bsd3355

alyien said:


> I did try talking to alot of ppl at the event tonight. Some chick even asked me to dance but I ****ed it up.
> Anyway I danced with alot of girls, rejected by tons tho. Actually made out with 2, and fingered one while doing so until her bf came lol.
> No numbers tho and I still suck at making convo/flirting but at least I finally got to feel a vag.


Haha wow.

Kind of funny what you did considering you have a hard time talking or flirting lol. Just be careful


----------



## eveningbat

nothing else said:


> I usually walk around naked with a cardboard sign around my neck that says "I'm available"


Do you?


----------



## Jesuszilla

eveningbat said:


> Do you?


:rofl No he was joking


----------



## alyien

Tbh I don't feel good about it, because I know if I wasn't on oxycontin I wouldn't have been able to get over the 30 rejections or so. I'm my own worst enemy, oxy gives me confidence. I feel like I am an amazing person on it and that these chicks would be lucky to have me.

In the past such as New years without oxy I approached 20 danced with 2 and felt like **** if my friend didnt push me i wouldve gave up.

The thing is I used to find it easier to talk to girls. In one particular high school tons of girls would try talking to me. I got asked out twice and offered sex by a third in a year which I all turned down. I was comfortable, confident I, could tease them (sometimes a little far) and talk to the wildest ****ty girls or the shy good ones. 
Girls are way less forward after this stage though and nowadays I can't even get one to talk to me. Because now you have to be comfortable right away, can't take months...

I'm transferring to a smaller university in the fall hopefully,and if I get there maybe I can be like I was before. But still fact is I need to learn to approach because school won't last forever.


----------



## ineverwipe

Watching Lost and scratching my testis lol


----------



## alyien

Usually I find making out/dancing with these chick boring and awkward. But with that one girl it actually felt amazing, like we were in our own little world or sth.
I know it prob didn't mean much to her though.

It actually makes me sad because everyone else gets to experience all that happiness and more with their partner all the time.
I'm going bald fast too so in addition to SA + depression its not looking good.

I really don't know how long I can go on in this world watching everyone else's happy little lives and wishing I was in their place.


----------



## alyien

I know this makes me needy/clingy and a relationship definitely won't work out since i'm so mentally unstable it will be a mess like with that last girl ill still never get over.
I was incredibly abusive to her too mentally, I've never said such horrible things to anyone in my life before her.

tbh i was hoping I could find some girls im not that into and just have sex but after getting emotionally involved with a dance floor redezvous it seems i'll end up falling for any girl that gives me some attention.

i really wish i was born a female, ive thought that since i was a child and my personality would fit it so much better. but i'm not gay and not into sexchanging so im stuck as a sad unhappy lonely man with anxieties driving him crazy.


----------



## CheekyBunny

bwidger85 said:


> In fact, some people think pushing for sex on the first date is a bad thing. But sometimes it's better because you establish yourself as a man who knows what he wants and goes for it, and you are letting her know you want her. She still has the power to refuse for sex and withhold if she wants. But from what I've found is if you're cool about it then they are cool about it and actually appreciate you stepping up and showing you like her early and being physical the way a man is expected. It allows her to be a woman.


A man who probably just wants sex? Now I know guys want sex (and there's nothing wrong with that) but I mean a guy who just wants sex and only sex. Might be a little risky for a guy who wants to come across as someone who is actually interested in something long-term, no?


----------



## estse

Craigslist right now.

I post clever and charming words in sentences that build into paragraphs, and I get a good amount of responses, usually from intellectual or artsy individuals who intimidate the **** out of me.

Currently in correspondence with three people from an ad I posted. Try it.


----------



## dal user

I cant imagine me approaching a girl without it ending badly. I'd probably get laughed at due to how bad and awkward I look. I get the impression that most girls are stush and stuck up but I dont know that for sure. 

Years ago I was out with my friends and a few girls one of my mates knew. Any how I fancied one of them, she was an 8 out 10 in my opinion, anyway I made my mate aware of it and he without me knowing at first asked her out for me to which she responded 'no way hes a ****ing tramp and hes ugly' that was so awkward and it crushed me, even my mate said it was harsh and she just responded again with 'I dont care, I dont even like him at all. Why would I go out with him, I mean look at him' I just wanted to die right then and there on the spot. She barely even knew me as well thats what bugged me the most. I imagine most girls would say similar these days too because I haven't really changed much in looks, I think I have as a person as I was about 14 or 15 when that girl said that, so we're talking 7 to 8 years ago now. 

I think because im quiet and I have no confidence it shows in my face and it makes me more uglier than I already am. I do get girls who look at me but it will be for all the wrong reasons, like they all highly likely observing how ugly I am or how weird I am. I wish this wadn't true but it is. I think I've got more chance of dieing than ever getting a girl.


----------



## bsd3355

CheekyBunny said:


> A man who probably just wants sex? Now I know guys want sex (and there's nothing wrong with that) but I mean a guy who just wants sex and only sex. Might be a little risky for a guy who wants to come across as someone who is actually interested in something long-term, no?


you could say that but in practice most girls that wanted to date me didnt stop dating me because i went for sex early. and there isnt reason why they would. why would they? that makes no sense

most girls will make you wait if they arent ready for sex. they wont just dump you. also, why would i care if i shown a girl i want sex on the first date? people who care about such things are not opened minded enough to realize guy/girl who wants sex early doesnt alwayd mean they only want one thing. that's childish to think so in my mind. if a girl leaves because i went for sex early, her loss and she's just hurting her own odds for something by cutting guys so casually. hat's her problem, not mine

personally, waiting for sex has lie no affect if i stay with a girl or not.

i can understand to girls it may seem strange, but ive always found it best to do things sooner than later as the guy. you can wait, and nothing wrong with thay, but if you arent getting physical with a few days girls dont always like that because no one is making themoves


----------



## pete24

Nothing as of now...

I really think i'm slacking or the luck of dating isnt going my way this year so far. It's actually probably been the worst start to the year for as long as I can remember.

Last year I was dating in Jan and in a relationship by Feb. The year before that I was already in a relationship. Then Jan 2012 I was also in a relationship. Jan/Feb 2011 I was dating and formed a relationship. 

This year is a fail so far. Have been getting quite a few POF messages but most have been from women that are 20+ miles away.

Years back distance would of been no issue. Now though it's just not worth the effort


----------



## Kiwong

Nothing. I'm out to pasture.


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> Nothing as of now...
> 
> I really think i'm slacking or the luck of dating isnt going my way this year so far. It's actually probably been the worst start to the year for as long as I can remember.
> 
> Last year I was dating in Jan and in a relationship by Feb. The year before that I was already in a relationship. Then Jan 2012 I was also in a relationship. Jan/Feb 2011 I was dating and formed a relationship.
> 
> This year is a fail so far. Have been getting quite a few POF messages but most have been from women that are 20+ miles away.
> 
> Years back distance would of been no issue. Now though it's just not worth the effort


Jesus you've been in a lot of relationships. How come none of them worked out?


----------



## alyien

*tired*

Went to another rave, got rejected by nearly everyone on the dance floor. That's the kind of thing that just ruins my confidence completely, I mean I must really be ugly.

I did dance and talk to this one really cute asian girl and when she told me to come backstage with her and her friend I stood there awkwardly while she talked to a DJ and I left to dance with some other chick. She prob thought I rejected her fml. Never got asian chick's number and I thought we hit it off pretty well.

Later I see her exchanging numbers and dancing with some dude thats worse looking than me.

Lesson: I have no confidence at all, I'm so afraid of rejection that I don't even try and let's face it there's a ton of other confident guys who aren't afraid and any girl would rather have one of them.
Also I'm afraid to talk to anyone and the rejection on the dance floor doesn't help.

Honestly I'm tired of myself and my problems I just want to be normal and if I can't be that then I give up trying. I'm sick of losing at everything in life, I mean does every girl have to want the same type of guy. If so I'll realistically fail at this forever. 
At least if I were handsome + tall it would offset my poor social abilities and I'd probably be more confident. This is definitely my last year, I really don't want to see any more. If you are a shy guy you're basically ****ed for women and not in a good way.
I have/had had male friends, friend girls, I know I can finish my degree and get a job but the one thing I've wanted my whole life most of all and can't get is a gf. It just feels impossible now, especially since so much time has gone by.


----------



## kjwkjw

nothing becuse I know I cant get one, no matter how hard I try.


----------



## HilarityEnsues

Got a girlfriend for the first time in years. Literally didn't sleep last night, spent the whole night cuddling.


----------



## ravens

HilarityEnsues said:


> Got a girlfriend for the first time in years. Literally didn't sleep last night, spent the whole night cuddling.


That must be nice to cuddle. Just another thing I've never done.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

Joined OKCupid again a few days ago, since there's absolutely no women around here that I find interesting, at least none that aren't already taken, or that are mutually interested in me, I think.
Bah, I had forgotten how depressing it is being on a dating site... 26 views in a few days, 90% of these women had less than a 60% match rating which seemed to be pretty accurate. I don't even know why most of them bothered to look at my profile. Messaged about 5 different women that I thought were cute. Nothing. Maybe i'm impatient, maybe i'm picky? I don't know, and I don't give a **** right now.


----------



## Roadkill1337

alyien said:


> I did dance and talk to this one really cute asian girl and when she told me to come backstage with her and her friend I stood there awkwardly while she talked to a DJ and I left to dance with some other chick. She prob thought I rejected her fml. Never got asian chick's number and I thought we hit it off pretty well.


Ouch... Why did you walk away? How long were you waiting?


----------



## soulless

Metalunatic said:


> Joined OKCupid again a few days ago, since there's absolutely no women around here that I find interesting, at least none that aren't already taken, or that are mutually interested in me, I think.
> Bah, I had forgotten how depressing it is being on a dating site... *26 views in a few days*, 90% of these women had less than a 60% match rating which seemed to be pretty accurate. I don't even know why most of them bothered to look at my profile. Messaged about 5 different women that I thought were cute. Nothing. Maybe i'm impatient, maybe i'm picky? I don't know, and I don't give a **** right now.


That's more than I've had in four years!
Not that there's even 26 females near my age within 10 miles anyway.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

soulless said:


> That's more than I've had in four years!
> Not that there's even 26 females near my age within 10 miles anyway.


Are you only searching within 10 miles? Because i'm pretty sure if I searched within 10 miles, i'd not find anything either. I'm searching within 500 miles. Most of these girls were from Holland, Germany or the UK. Technically, I don't really care where they're from, since I wouldn't mind travelling, but that's obviously a lot less practical in the long run. 
But yeah, maybe you're right and I should just be less of an impatient arse. I repeatedly succeeded in finding girlfriends via these sites in the past, though i'd actually like a relationship again pretty soon, since i've been single for a pretty long time.


----------



## bsd3355

I get down on myself when I'm not dating or meeting girls. This kind of a problem though because it means I'm not content being alone. I think my problem is that I feel like I'm "missing out" if I don't. This hit me hard today and it bothers me tbh


----------



## bsd3355

*edit*

Jesus Christ, I talk to ****ing much...


----------



## pete24

On a break as such from actively looking from women (even online), I had a browse earlier of my POF inbox.

4 new messages since I last checked the other day. 3 of them were nothing too great. 

The 4th was something different. I clicked yes to her on the meet me thing a few days back. I was 99% certain there is no chance as I know full well shes out of my league. 

Surprisingly she not only clicked yes on "meet me"... but made first contact. A well thought out message. Been chatting for past day or so. Going really well (She asked for and got my number so we moved it onto texting)

Problem is she doesnt drive and she lives about 2 hours away on the train. I'll just see what comes of it before I worry about travel

edit:

So to update this as convo has ended for tonight. Trying the "sweet" approach with her. She initiated that approach by giving me loads of compliments. I gave her some and got the whole thing about be a really sweet and decent guy, hot, like we have known each other ages, how well chatting is going, etc etc.

At 1 point (after I sent her another pic) I thought she was put off. However I had some amazing goodnight messages... how glad she is that she messaged me, how much she is enjoying getting to know me and all that stuff.

I'm gonna step it up by the weekend. Will try and chat on the phone and maybe suggest her coming here and I will pay her train fare when she arrives.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> *edit*
> 
> Jesus Christ, I talk to ****ing much...


Lol dude. I actually read the whole thing right before you removed it. And I hear you. It sucks to always have to be the one to do the approaching, to be that peacock strutting around and showing just how awesome and attractive you are. Figuratively speaking.
I definitely don't believe dating itself is necessarily "easier" for women either, but I do think that guys have it harder in the initial stage of the dating game. I can feel the "But ugly women don't ever get approached!" coming. Yeah, neither do most guys, ugly or not. I suppose I should be thankful i'm not one of them, but still, even then it's hit and miss as to whether you actually connect, have enough in common, me not screwing it up in some way, etc.

One of the reasons I like assertive women is because it shows she actually wants to put some effort into getting to know you, without expecting you to come to them through vague hints and ****. I especially admire it because it's a relatively uncommon thing for a woman to do, and it shows she's not only a determined individual, but willing to go against society's "norms". It has nothing to do with me being lazy or whatever. I've done plenty of approaching myself, but half of the time I just found myself regretting that I did it, because we were so vastly different it was bound to fail from the start.

I was seriously baffled when you said you are kind of forced to approach girls at least 8 years younger than you because of a lack of women around your own age though.

Now look who's talking too ****ing much. :lol


----------



## bsd3355

Metalunatic said:


> Lol dude. I actually read the whole thing right before you removed it. And I hear you. It sucks to always have to be the one to do the approaching, to be that peacock strutting around and showing just how awesome and attractive you are. Figuratively speaking.
> I definitely don't believe dating itself is necessarily "easier" for women either, but I do think that guys have it harder in the initial stage of the dating game. I can feel the "But ugly women don't ever get approached!" coming. Yeah, neither do most guys, ugly or not. I suppose I should be thankful i'm not one of them, but still, even then it's hit and miss as to whether you actually connect, have enough in common, me not screwing it up in some way, etc.
> 
> One of the reasons I like assertive women is because it shows she actually wants to put some effort into getting to know you, without expecting you to come to them through vague hints and ****. I especially admire it because it's a relatively uncommon thing for a woman to do, and it shows she's not only a determined individual, but willing to go against society's "norms". It has nothing to do with me being lazy or whatever. I've done plenty of approaching myself, but half of the time I just found myself regretting that I did it, because we were so vastly different it was bound to fail from the start.
> 
> I was seriously baffled when you said you are kind of forced to approach girls at least 8 years younger than you because of a lack of women around your own age though.
> 
> Now look who's talking too ****ing much. :lol


Well, the way I go about meeting girls around here is that I go to the most populated spots so I don't have to spend weeks finding girls I want to approach. These populated areas are often colleges or bars. They have to be these spots because that's all there is around here. And when college leaves for semester breaks the town goes DEAD. So this is kind of why my chances of finding girls around my own age that I actually like and whom like me back would be a much harder task. I'm sure I could do it, but I would think it'd make the process much harder on me. Not that I'm not attracted to college girls, but I just wanted to give my perspective. Eventually, I do expect that they will be too young for me. I have noticed a different taste in things, for sure. Most people think I'm in my early to mid twenties.

I'm a lot like you about women going after what they want. I find that attractive as well. The only thing is I have become so accustomed to doing most the work in the beginning that only now does it feel "different" that a woman takes charge more directly. I mean, yeah, girls do things that show they are interested in you, and if I imagine myself doing those things to get women's attention it'd kill me inside because i'm not used to it and also because I know the chances are it'd work given I'm a man is slim.

My last girlfriend was passive in certain areas like initiating sexual things but was extremely consistent in always trying to meet up with me and setting dates. I think that's one reason why I liked her so much early on, because she showed me she was interested by doing such things. I almost never set up times to meet with her, but this became an issue later on when I became dependent on that feeling of her validation. Before she moved it ****ed me up that she seemed distant because I was so used to her always contacting me, etc. It can work either way.

Eventually someone has to ask someone else out; eventually someone has to get physical; eventually someone has to go for sex and keep contact over time. The more I have been thinking about this today the more I see that what I'm saying has two sides to it though, as I HAVE seen girls be super direct. I've even had a girl write on my arm one time "I want to **** you" (this was in high school). I think it is just expected that men make the moves more directly more often. I think women are likely programmed biologically to be the receivers in the mating game more than men are, so this is kind of confusing to me because I'm not so sure how much of the passive game on the girl's end is that way because of biology or because it's a social construct. Most women on earth play the role as the more passive participant in courting and mating, so it's probably both. I guess I'd have to experience both ends of the spectrum (passive/aggressive) under an extended amount of time to know which one I truly prefer or which one feels most "right" to me.

As things are though, this is the side men play. But I also realize women have their side of things that guys don't have to deal with too. Every pro does seem to have it's con, for sure. Rejection comes in different ways to different sexes. The rejection a woman might feel when a guy doesn't take her hints of flirtation can be just as painful as when a man goes direct and puts all on the table. In this sense rejection can be desensitized regardless of how it is received.

I say all these things under the most commonly seen "roles" of men and women regarding dating. I don't think these things have to be set in stone as everyone appears to be different to some extent. Lol...w/e...

*edit*
or maybe not enough girls approach us to know for sure if women are more agreesive int he dating realm lol. because when I was younger girls would approach me a lot and ask me out but when we actually went out they changed roles all the sudden and expected me to take over or something lol. very weird. it could of just been that i was so shy and passive that it wasn't attractive in general as a person. i really don't know.


----------



## HilarityEnsues

ravens said:


> That must be nice to cuddle. Just another thing I've never done.


Don't give up bro, I did for years but I'm back in the saddle so to say.


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Jesus you've been in a lot of relationships. How come none of them worked out?


SA mostly. I made excuses to bail out of invitations and social things. It was things like meeting their friends, family, weddings, birthday meals, nights out. Even when they suggested things they wanted to do like the cinema, I would make an excuse (not enough money, the film is crap, we can just stream the film at home). Even theme parks I would say "Nah, lets not go today, I can get free entry passes with tokens in the newspaper in a few weeks".... which never happened.

Looking back at it they were sick of it. They started to know I was making excuses, but thought it was more because I didn't like those things which made them believe we have less in common than they thought and they walked.

Was pointless me saying about SA because chances are they either wouldnt understand it or would think "ahhh, I wanted a more social bf".

Went through about 14 relationships in 6 or 7 years. At least 8 of them ended because of the above.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

I am so lucky to have met the girl I'm with now. It was worth all the ex drama I had to go through in the beginning. We're drawn to each other like magnets. We've become great friends, best friends you could even say. I've reached the point where my anxiety is nonexistent around her. She's literally the perfect girl for me. We make each other smile and laugh ALL the time. We're like mirror images of each other. Her dad is a pastor, and her whole family guards her like a teenager, so it gives me that peace of mind that she's not out going to parties or hanging out with people that are bad influences. She doesn't drink alcohol. She doesn't have an abundant social life. She always tells me where she is and what she's doing. And even though she can't spend the night away from home (because of her family), we still have an incredibly intimate relationship. I got in good with the family early on, and they all love me. I just took her and her mom out to dinner at a place they've never been before and they had an absolute blast. She's also getting closer to my family. She puts in the effort, buys me food, brings me homemade meals, gives me gifts. Our sexual chemistry is outstanding. We both love going at it for hours. We're very attracted to each other and we turn each other on in every way. We're both very open minded and communicate extremely well. If anything is bothering us, we talk about it and resolves our issues rationally. She completely accepts my anxiety issues (and it's become a non-issue). She supports me in every way. I've never been happier than I am now. This week is Valentines, and I have plans to bring her to a hotel and shower her with teddy bears, flowers, candy, and get food to go. I can't wait.


----------



## Barette

ManOfFewWords said:


> I am so lucky to have met the girl I'm with now. It was worth all the ex drama I had to go through in the beginning. We're drawn to each other like magnets. We've become great friends, best friends you could even say. I've reached the point where my anxiety is nonexistent around her. She's literally the perfect girl for me. We make each other smile and laugh ALL the time. We're like mirror images of each other. Her dad is a pastor, and her whole family guards her like a teenager, so it gives me that peace of mind that she's not out going to parties or hanging out with people that are bad influences. She doesn't drink alcohol. She doesn't have an abundant social life. She always tells me where she is and what she's doing. And even though she can't spend the night away from home (because of her family), we still have an incredibly intimate relationship. I got in good with the family early on, and they all love me. I just took her and her mom out to dinner at a place they've never been before and they had an absolute blast. She's also getting closer to my family. She puts in the effort, buys me food, brings me homemade meals, gives me gifts. Our sexual chemistry is outstanding. We both love going at it for hours. We're very attracted to each other and we turn each other on in every way. We're both very open minded and communicate extremely well. If anything is bothering us, we talk about it and resolves our issues rationally. She completely accepts my anxiety issues (and it's become a non-issue). She supports me in every way. I've never been happier than I am now. This week is Valentines, and I have plans to bring her to a hotel and shower her with teddy bears, flowers, candy, and get food to go. I can't wait.


Oh my ****ing god that's beautiful.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> Well, the way I go about meeting girls around here is that I go to the most populated spots so I don't have to spend weeks finding girls I want to approach. These populated areas are often colleges or bars. They have to be these spots because that's all there is around here. And when college leaves for semester breaks the town goes DEAD. So this is kind of why my chances of finding girls around my own age that I actually like and whom like me back would be a much harder task. I'm sure I could do it, but I would think it'd make the process much harder on me. Not that I'm not attracted to college girls, but I just wanted to give my perspective. Eventually, I do expect that they will be too young for me. I have noticed a different taste in things, for sure. Most people think I'm in my early to mid twenties.


I don't think it's very different where I live. Most hangouts, bars, clubs, or what have you, are for late teens or early twentysomethings. Unlike you, I never go to any of these, and I really don't care for it, which doesn't even have anything to do with SA. I'm "boring" like that. It's understandable that you feel like they're too young for you, because I honestly am iffy about dating someone that's only 2 years younger than I am myself. But then I prefer older chicks in general anyway.



bwidger85 said:


> I'm a lot like you about women going after what they want. I find that attractive as well. The only thing is I have become so accustomed to doing most the work in the beginning that only now does it feel "different" that a woman takes charge more directly. I mean, yeah, girls do things that show they are interested in you, and if I imagine myself doing those things to get women's attention it'd kill me inside because i'm not used to it and also because I know the chances are it'd work given I'm a man is slim.
> 
> My last girlfriend was passive in certain areas like initiating sexual things but was extremely consistent in always trying to meet up with me and setting dates. I think that's one reason why I liked her so much early on, because she showed me she was interested by doing such things. I almost never set up times to meet with her, but this became an issue later on when I became dependent on that feeling of her validation. Before she moved it ****ed me up that she seemed distant because I was so used to her always contacting me, etc. It can work either way.


You know, there is something as being too passive or assertive. Ideally, the amount of effort both of you would put into initiating should be about 50/50, if you ask me. But then that is just my preference and my own experience, because i've tried both "submissive" and "dominant" women, and both just irritated me in different ways. So i've come to the conclusion that an ideal match would initiate roughly half the time and other times let me do it. As long as it isn't a thing we had to force ourselves to do, obviously.

What you described with your last ex is something that happened to me in the past, though. I actually made the mistake with past gfs to either be the one that arranged -everything-, which resulted in them just waiting around for me to ask them, and then getting mad at me for waiting days to see if she would initiate something for a change. 
Then there was one instance of a woman I liked that wanted everything to happen her way, when she wanted it. Eventually that just pissed me off so much. I kind of felt like a *****, lol. No thanks.



bwidger85 said:


> Eventually someone has to ask someone else out; eventually someone has to get physical; eventually someone has to go for sex and keep contact over time. The more I have been thinking about this today the more I see that what I'm saying has two sides to it though, as I HAVE seen girls be super direct. I've even had a girl write on my arm one time "I want to **** you" (this was in high school). I think it is just expected that men make the moves more directly more often. I think women are likely programmed biologically to be the receivers in the mating game more than men are, so this is kind of confusing to me because I'm not so sure how much of the passive game on the girl's end is that way because of biology or because it's a social construct. Most women on earth play the role as the more passive participant in courting and mating, so it's probably both. I guess I'd have to experience both ends of the spectrum (passive/aggressive) under an extended amount of time to know which one I truly prefer or which one feels most "right" to me.


Yeah, what you say here does make sense, although i'm not a huge fan of generalising 50% of the Earth's population as more passive or aggresive, for example, but I see what you mean by it. However, in the past, women also were far less aggressive about education and getting better jobs for themselves. All of that changed quite recently. So to me it would just strike me as odd if more women over time wouldn't become at least somewhat more aggressive in other areas, like dating.

As I mentioned above about experiencing the passive/aggressive spectrum... I feel that if a woman is too dominant that you as a guy just aren't going to agree with that eventually. I'll be honest, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, that there came a point I just felt offended in my masculinity, and I was like "Nope, not doing this." 
However, and once again at the risk of sounding like an arsehole, a woman that is submissive just bores me to tears. I -really- don't want to always have to be the one that initiates dates, sex and all that other stuff. Like I said in my last post, I actually do like it if a woman has a bit of a spine in that regard. 
So, on one hand I really couldn't care less about chicks that "just wait like zombies with their legs spread for you to act" as someone I knew was fond of saying, but on the other hand I also don't want to be kept on a leash. Well, not all the time anyway. :troll So I honestly would much rather have a chick that's right next to me, as opposed as one that wants to "lead" me, or wants me to "lead" her, if that makes sense. But at the end of the day, I guess that's different for every guy. Just my two cents.



bwidger85 said:


> As things are though, this is the side men play. But I also realize women have their side of things that guys don't have to deal with too. Every pro does seem to have it's con, for sure. Rejection comes in different ways to different sexes. The rejection a woman might feel when a guy doesn't take her hints of flirtation can be just as painful as when a man goes direct and puts all on the table. In this sense rejection can be desensitized regardless of how it is received.


I agree with you. I think one of the main things a woman that's looking for a serious relationship have to deal with, from what I have gathered from exes and even my own mother anyway, is that, not limited to but especially on dating sites, there's a crapload of guys that are just after an easy lay who pretend to be interested in a relationship and that go on their merry way afterwards. Or if they're a bit less lucky in the looks department, which seems to be a more common factor for rejection for women than they are for men.

Hints, however, are one of these things that just irritate the crap out of me. You know that meme with the two pics, one with this girl smiling, and the other one with these guys signalling with those illuminated beacons? That is exactly how I feel about that. I seriously am great at picking up whether or not a woman *isn't* interested, but I couldn't for the life of me tell when a woman *is* interested, or whether she's just being friendly. That's why when i'm feeling confident enough, I tend to just approach someone I have an interest in. Less chance of not delivering the message. I wish more women did it that way too. It's not desperate. It's admirable.

Which reminds me of that one time I had a bit of a crush on a cashier. I decided to go up to her with some items I needed to buy, and give her a nice card with my phone and email on it. I told her, "Look, I hope you don't think i'm being a creep or anything, but i'd like to talk to you somtime if you feel like it. I realise you're busy with your job right now, so i'll just give you this" and handed over the card, paid for my items and walked out of the store. 
She did actually email me back, which I really appreciated, saying she already had a boyfriend (which may or may not have been true, but no matter), and told me she thought it was very brave to just walk up to her at the counter with a bunch of people waiting in line, and that she could never do that. I'm not saying this to brag or anything, but what she said just made me think, you know. She probably doesn't know how incredibly anxious I was, and on top of that, I have social anxiety. So if I could do it, why couldn't she, or anyone for that matter?


----------



## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> I say all these things under the most commonly seen "roles" of men and women regarding dating. I don't think these things have to be set in stone as everyone appears to be different to some extent. Lol...w/e...
> 
> *edit*
> or maybe not enough girls approach us to know for sure if women are more agreesive int he dating realm lol. because when I was younger girls would approach me a lot and ask me out but when we actually went out they changed roles all the sudden and expected me to take over or something lol. very weird. it could of just been that i was so shy and passive that it wasn't attractive in general as a person. i really don't know.


Lol, don't worry about it, no need for apologising. I really hate it when people are as PC as possible anyway. :lol

I'm not sure, because I obviously don't know for sure how often you, or the average man does get approached. I mean, when I look at both all my exes and dates, the rate of doing the approaching and being approached has been about 50/50, and I really don't think i'm much of a looker or that I appear (or am) that confident. It's funny you mentioned getting approached more often in High School however, because I can honestly only recall two girls through all my five years in HS that showed an interest in me. Which I was way too shy to react to back then, but that's beside the point. What do you think made them approach you more back then?

Damn, this must be the longest post i've ever written...


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## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> Lol, don't worry about it, no need for apologising. I really hate it when people are as PC as possible anyway. :lol
> 
> I'm not sure, because I obviously don't know for sure how often you, or the average man does get approached. I mean, when I look at both all my exes and dates, the rate of doing the approaching and being approached has been about 50/50, and I really don't think i'm much of a looker or that I appear (or am) that confident. It's funny you mentioned getting approached more often in High School however, because I can honestly only recall two girls through all my five years in HS that showed an interest in me. Which I was way too shy to react to back then, but that's beside the point. What do you think made them approach you more back then?
> 
> Damn, this must be the longest post i've ever written...


I've never approached any girls. In school I had a couple girls tell me they thought I was cute. Once when I was 10 and the other time when I was 14. The girl that told me that when I was 14 was a 11 or 12 year old neighbor.

After high school I never went anywhere that anybody would approach me. Only went to work and out shopping with my parents.

Well a couple years ago did have a 70 some year old women tell me that I had bedroom eyes. Also when I was 11 one of my mother's friends told me that she was going to wait for me. She would tell me that I had beautiful eyes. My eyes have been one of the few things about me that I'll get complimented on.


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## UndreamingAwake

ravens said:


> I've never approached any girls. In school I had a couple girls tell me they thought I was cute. Once when I was 10 and the other time when I was 14. The girl that told me that when I was 14 was a 11 or 12 year old neighbor.
> 
> After high school I never went anywhere that anybody would approach me. Only went to work and out shopping with my parents.
> 
> Well a couple years ago did have a 70 some year old women tell me that I had bedroom eyes. Also when I was 11 one of my mother's friends told me that she was going to wait for me. She would tell me that I had beautiful eyes. My eyes have been one of the few things about me that I'll get complimented on.


Bedroom eyes? That sounds like a huge compliment to me. Was that just some random lady or one that you had met before? I'd say you should definitely play this to your advantage, since you already know there's women out there that love your eyes. What do you think is the reason they'd compliment you on that, and not on other things?


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## bsd3355

Metalunatic said:


> Lol, don't worry about it, no need for apologising. I really hate it when people are as PC as possible anyway. :lol
> 
> I'm not sure, because I obviously don't know for sure how often you, or the average man does get approached. I mean, when I look at both all my exes and dates, the rate of doing the approaching and being approached has been about 50/50, and I really don't think i'm much of a looker or that I appear (or am) that confident. It's funny you mentioned getting approached more often in High School however, because I can honestly only recall two girls through all my five years in HS that showed an interest in me. Which I was way too shy to react to back then, but that's beside the point. What do you think made them approach you more back then?
> 
> Damn, this must be the longest post i've ever written...


I really don't know how I can't appear PC when talking about this. Things are not clearly simply black and white. I think it just goes to show that generalizing about women isn't always accurate; as while some tendencies are different than men, each girl is an individual. I'm sure we all know that. Just wanted to write that.

I don't know why they used to approach me a lot then stopped. I remember going out if I went somewhere I knew some girl was going to try to get my attention and flirt with me. Haha, rarely, if once in a blue moon, does that happen now. The reason being is probably a combination of things: my age, my looks, time-of-life situations, etc. I was more shy back then. I also didn't approach girls. Because I'm older now, I suppose I'm more intimidating, or just uglier lol. W/e. I don't really care too much though, because I date more than I ever did back then and it's on my terms and within my control like it should be for most people. Back then I got attention, but it always fell short and the girl always dumped me because I was seriously insecure back then and I think they expected more of me. But who knows really. Don't really care. It's just interesting to notice the difference.

As far as online dating goes, I think it is one of the most competitive resources to date out there. If you believe girls actually dig your vibe/personality/character to be attractive, than it doesn't really make that jump out in the way real life would. Imagine a guy who is good looking but totally weird in person, that same guy would do better online than offline more than likely. Imagine a guy who is average in looks but has a BOSS personality and is make the girls feel a certain way in real life, online the girls wouldn't see that. But once again, my PC version--true version, actually-- of this is that girls aren't all the same.

P.S. that girl who wrote on my arm DID NOT take initiative beyond that. If it was me and I wrote that I would of followed up with a number, a date, and then sex. So even then the girl didn't assume total responsibility, like nearly every girl I have ever met, and that's NOT generalizing. That girl who wrote on my arm did the typical girl thing by acting aloof after that (actually, if she really liked me she wouldn't of been so aloof, so it wasn't really typical of a girl who likes you), and when I remember getting a number from school one day (total freak thing I didn't even ask for), the girl acted all pissy and sped off in her car. I remember actually walking over to her house down the road and calling her after she.......oh yeah, she DID give me her number on the arm too......so yeah, I called her and probably sounded like a moron on the phone and she acted aloof even when I tried to go to her house, etc. She never answered her door. Looking back, I was insecure, and she was a moron, so w/e. Typical high school crap I guess. I put a lot of emphasis on that, but that kind of crap happens even today but now I don't see it as my fault and I recognize that is a kind of normal when meeting girls lol. Girls do that stuff. Guys probably do that stuff too. Weird stuff, I mean--act like they like you one moment and do something that seems like they are totally into you then disappear. I don't see it as something I do wrong anymore though, but I just view it as part of the process. I know I'm not doing anything wrong anymore, so I'm not insecure about it and doubt myself like I used to. Now it's just fluke stuff that is beyond my control.

Pretty simple really: girls that like you make it easy for you; girls who don't like you may pretend like they do but their actions will show you they aren't interested and if you are persistent they will, like clockwork, vanish. Look for the girls who stick around and treat you the way you'd imagine someone interested in you would treat you. Many girls pretend to be interested when in fact they are not, and they do that to let you down easy or as a cop out so they don't have to face any consequences upfront.

Ah jesus dude, you wrote MORE above!

Well, hell....


----------



## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> Bedroom eyes? That sounds like a huge compliment to me. Was that just some random lady or one that you had met before? I'd say you should definitely play this to your advantage, since you already know there's women out there that love your eyes. What do you think is the reason they'd compliment you on that, and not on other things?


It was at one of my mother's doctor appointments. No I didn't know who it was.

For most of high school I looked a lot younger than my age and wasn't tall. It wasn't until I was around 17 years old that I got near my current height of 6'. Also starting gaining weight at that time and eventually got to weigh over 250 pounds.

I don't have any pictures of myself of when I was in my 20's and 30's.
Do have one from when I had my ID picture taken when I was 35.
Had one that my brother's wife took when they were about to get married about 9 years ago but I took one look at it and thought yuck. I got rid of it later on.

I've always hated something about how I looked. Either looking like I was 11 or 12 when I was 15 or being overweight later on. There's more I could go on about but I'll stop there.


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## bsd3355

ManOfFewWords said:


> I am so lucky to have met the girl I'm with now. It was worth all the ex drama I had to go through in the beginning. We're drawn to each other like magnets. We've become great friends, best friends you could even say. I've reached the point where my anxiety is nonexistent around her. She's literally the perfect girl for me. We make each other smile and laugh ALL the time. We're like mirror images of each other. Her dad is a pastor, and her whole family guards her like a teenager, so it gives me that peace of mind that she's not out going to parties or hanging out with people that are bad influences. She doesn't drink alcohol. She doesn't have an abundant social life. She always tells me where she is and what she's doing. And even though she can't spend the night away from home (because of her family), we still have an incredibly intimate relationship. I got in good with the family early on, and they all love me. I just took her and her mom out to dinner at a place they've never been before and they had an absolute blast. She's also getting closer to my family. She puts in the effort, buys me food, brings me homemade meals, gives me gifts. Our sexual chemistry is outstanding. We both love going at it for hours. We're very attracted to each other and we turn each other on in every way. We're both very open minded and communicate extremely well. If anything is bothering us, we talk about it and resolves our issues rationally. She completely accepts my anxiety issues (and it's become a non-issue). She supports me in every way. I've never been happier than I am now. This week is Valentines, and I have plans to bring her to a hotel and shower her with teddy bears, flowers, candy, and get food to go. I can't wait.


Good stuff man!


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## bsd3355

> I don't think it's very different where I live. Most hangouts, bars, clubs, or what have you, are for late teens or early twentysomethings. Unlike you, I never go to any of these, and I really don't care for it, which doesn't even have anything to do with SA. I'm "boring" like that. It's understandable that you feel like they're too young for you, because I honestly am iffy about dating someone that's only 2 years younger than I am myself. But then I prefer older chicks in general anyway.


I find bars and clubs boring too. The only reason I would go is for the girls lol. But I was determined to "get better" with myself and with meeting girls, so I went. I still go places I don't really want to go if I want to meet women. If I'd have it my way, I'd stay at home 90% of the time and meet girls there, but that gets old online VERY quick.

I used to freak out about the age thing, but now it doesn't bother me unless me and the girl on totally different wavelengths. I do notice a different mentality already for most the girls I meet on college. As far as looking creepy or being discriminated for dating younger or older, I look at it from a biological standpoint, not a social one. I realize know that I'll just KNOW when someone isn't right for me. It's an obvious feeling you get regardless of age.



> You know, there is something as being too passive or assertive. Ideally, the amount of effort both of you would put into initiating should be about 50/50, if you ask me. But then that is just my preference and my own experience, because i've tried both "submissive" and "dominant" women, and both just irritated me in different ways. So i've come to the conclusion that an ideal match would initiate roughly half the time and other times let me do it. As long as it isn't a thing we had to force ourselves to do, obviously


.

I kind of agree with this. The way someone goes about showing interest can be different than what you'd expect though. Honestly, the girls who show the most interest are the ones who I've found tend to stick around longer, almost as if it actually is "normal" that a 50/50 type of thing goes on between two people who are interested in each other. I think you are on to something here, but this is something I am unsure of myself so I can only go with what I've experienced. I still have a very low relationship experience. My dating experience is high, and that is kind of a different animal altogether I think. If I put my focus on relationships then I am just as confident I can get one, so it's not an issue of me messing this up because me casually dating has been a choice of mine to "get better" and learn and experience.



> What you described with your last ex is something that happened to me in the past, though. I actually made the mistake with past gfs to either be the one that arranged -everything-, which resulted in them just waiting around for me to ask them, and then getting mad at me for waiting days to see if she would initiate something for a change.
> Then there was one instance of a woman I liked that wanted everything to happen her way, when she wanted it. Eventually that just pissed me off so much. I kind of felt like a *****, lol. No thanks.


This is one of those things I think comes naturally. If you like someone, and aren't held back by insecurities to take action, then you will attempt to hang out with them. Even if you were the passive one and she starts to fade away a little, you'll feel inside that you should take action and set something up again. I think everyone feels this. If both people like each other and are not held back by insecurities then they will do the things necessary to stay with each other. It's really that simple. The problem happens when you feel you have to always be a certain "role". If you meet a girl, like I did, who is aggressive meeting up with you, then allow her to do that. Why? Because it works. Why mess it up? If she wants to be the one who keep sin contact a lot, a little, or in between, then it doesn't matter. I did not let some insecurity inside of me tell me that I needed to play a "role" while I was dating her. I let her to contact me, and even went passive on purpose, because that was the role she naturally assumed. I went passive on purpose naturally because too much contact is just weird for any relationship and if she kept contacting me and setting things up, then how weird would it be that I did the same at the same time?

Guys need to drop the ego of being mainly or macho. This may seem like something smart, but it is mostly an insecurity to live up to what you THINK she wants. And girls need to drop the thinking that they should play the passive role if they don't want to. Both these things just get in the way.



> Yeah, what you say here does make sense, although i'm not a huge fan of generalising 50% of the Earth's population as more passive or aggresive, for example, but I see what you mean by it. However, in the past, women also were far less aggressive about education and getting better jobs for themselves. All of that changed quite recently. So to me it would just strike me as odd if more women over time wouldn't become at least somewhat more aggressive in other areas, like dating.


I agree. I personal have a fear of generalizing women because I know how off this really is and I know thinking this way has the potential to be bad for me in lots of ways. I probably am wrong when generalizing women play more passive roles more often than men in dating. If you think about it, I'm sure we can all think of girls who are very direct in dating and relationships. If I was to be "PC" about this, then I'd say the IDEA that women should play a passive role in dating remains pretty popular, and you can see this by typing in "how to get a man" in google. Haha, if Google can't tell you the truth, then I don't know what will! jk.

The only thing that I'm not sure of is how much of a biological component plays a role in whether or not a woman is more or less passive/aggressive in relationships, but this may be something that goes beyond relationships and it may just be an individual thing. m Honestly, sometimes I think it's a biological things that women have because they are women, and other times I think it is an individual thing, but I really don't know so I leave it PC :b



> As I mentioned above about experiencing the passive/aggressive spectrum... I feel that if a woman is too dominant that you as a guy just aren't going to agree with that eventually. I'll be honest, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, that there came a point I just felt offended in my masculinity, and I was like "Nope, not doing this."
> However, and once again at the risk of sounding like an ****hole, a woman that is submissive just bores me to tears. I -really- don't want to always have to be the one that initiates dates, sex and all that other stuff. Like I said in my last post, I actually do like it if a woman has a bit of a spine in that regard.
> So, on one hand I really couldn't care less about chicks that "just wait like zombies with their legs spread for you to act" as someone I knew was fond of saying, but on the other hand I also don't want to be kept on a leash. Well, not all the time anyway. :troll So I honestly would much rather have a chick that's right next to me, as opposed as one that wants to "lead" me, or wants me to "lead" her, if that makes sense. But at the end of the day, I guess that's different for every guy. Just my two cents.


I completely agree. That's the kind of girl I want too. Still, I think relationships will have their fair share of power-plays, especially when you are still getting to know each other. I think that is somewhat natural. I think it isn't natural that we assume "roles" because society sometimes tells us we should. I think that's lame and based on not being natural, which just makes you look and act weird imo. You got to be yourself congruently. Sometimes you'll be bonkers and other times calm, so acceptance is good too


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## bsd3355

> I agree with you. I think one of the main things a woman that's looking for a serious relationship have to deal with, from what I have gathered from exes and even my own mother anyway, is that, not limited to but especially on dating sites, there's a crapload of guys that are just after an easy lay who pretend to be interested in a relationship and that go on their merry way afterwards. Or if they're a bit less lucky in the looks department, which seems to be a more common factor for rejection for women than they are for men.


I see this too. And to be honest, I think many things play into why guys are so quick to jump the sex wagon:

A) Because social pressure and not being labeled badly for it; actually rewarded more for it, unlike girls

B) Because men have a harder time getting sex and therefore want it more and more often from strangers. Men often work for it more. Girls have strategies to keep men who want a relationship by withholding sex sometimes ("3rd date rule").

C) Guys are accustomed to be the aggressors in dating, so they make it more known upfront

D) Dating is tough. Getting sex can be tough, harder for men. Guys want sex so they go after it with such enthusiasm that when they get it they don't want anything else. Some guys want a relationship more than other guys and will do the opposite. I think the majority of guys aren't approaching many women, if any, and so they are desperate for sex. Most guys do not approach many women during the week or month unless online.

E) Could just be a biological difference, like how "men need to spread their seed" for better chance of dna passing. Other animals are like this based on sex, why are men any different?

These are just some thoughts anyway. This doesn't mean I'm right...

The thing with the looks, I think it plays a factor for both sexes. I do think women put more emphasis on a man's personality/character/vibe than men do on women_, _especially when first dating. This isn't always the general rule of thumb, of course, and it's just my own opinion.



> Hints, however, are one of these things that just irritate the crap out of me. You know that meme with the two pics, one with this girl smiling, and the other one with these guys signalling with those illuminated beacons? That is exactly how I feel about that. I seriously am great at picking up whether or not a woman *isn't* interested, but I couldn't for the life of me tell when a woman *is* interested, or whether she's just being friendly. That's why when i'm feeling confident enough, I tend to just approach someone I have an interest in. Less chance of not delivering the message. I wish more women did it that way too. It's not desperate. It's admirable.


I think girls on average are more subtle with flirting overall, but it is kind of obvious if you know what to look for. It is like they will do things a person usually wouldn't do to get your attention, and in a way it is kind of obvious if she makes it obvious enough. On the other spectrum of things, guys sometimes think girls are into them just by the girl smiling or engaging in conversation.

I'm like you, I don't care about signals if I don't get any. I'm not going to play that game. I go after what I want regardless and find out that way. Some girls do make it blatantly obvious though, but I would not wait on that if you want to be dating more often. Some girls are too shy to make obvious signals, so you'll never know unless you approach anyway, right? I don't care much about signals personally.



> Which reminds me of that one time I had a bit of a crush on a cashier. I decided to go up to her with some items I needed to buy, and give her a nice card with my phone and email on it. I told her, "Look, I hope you don't think i'm being a creep or anything, but i'd like to talk to you somtime if you feel like it. I realise you're busy with your job right now, so i'll just give you this" and handed over the card, paid for my items and walked out of the store.
> She did actually email me back, which I really appreciated, saying she already had a boyfriend (which may or may not have been true, but no matter), and told me she thought it was very brave to just walk up to her at the counter with a bunch of people waiting in line, and that she could never do that. I'm not saying this to brag or anything, but what she said just made me think, you know. She probably doesn't know how incredibly anxious I was, and on top of that, I have social anxiety. So if I could do it, why couldn't she, or anyone for that matter?


Yes, this is being direct. It is the best way to go. No ambiguity.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> I find bars and clubs boring too. The only reason I would go is for the girls lol. But I was determined to "get better" with myself and with meeting girls, so I went. I still go places I don't really want to go if I want to meet women. If I'd have it my way, I'd stay at home 90% of the time and meet girls there, but that gets old online VERY quick.


Oh yeah, I hear you. I usually date online and then meet up. One reason for that is because I find bars and clubs boring, like I said, but because a lot of the other places I do go to aren't really fit for finding dates/relationships. I'm not so seriously looking right now that I would care to actually go out of my way to go to places I really don't want or care to be to meet women. I wonder whether there are actually are any women around here that i'd want to date or want to date me, however. I admit that I agree with you about strictly online dating getting old though. I can't wait 'till I move back to a more urban area where the chances of meeting a chick that actually has enough with me in common are at least somewhat real.



bwidger85 said:


> I used to freak out about the age thing, but now it doesn't bother me unless me and the girl on totally different wavelengths. I do notice a different mentality already for most the girls I meet on college. As far as looking creepy or being discriminated for dating younger or older, I look at it from a biological standpoint, not a social one. I realize know that I'll just KNOW when someone isn't right for me. It's an obvious feeling you get regardless of age.


Nah, I don't think you, or anyone for that matter, is being a creep for dating someone significantly older or younger. I don't really care what others do, and I don't think that's really anyone's business but that of the two people involved. It just so happens that I feel more attracted to and more comfortable with women that are a bit older than me. You get what I mean, I think. That's not to say I would disqualify anyone just based on her age if she was younger, but what you mentioned about knowing whether someone is right or not, I just tend to have that with someone that's older in general.



bwidger85 said:


> I kind of agree with this. The way someone goes about showing interest can be different than what you'd expect though. Honestly, the girls who show the most interest are the ones who I've found tend to stick around longer, almost as if it actually is "normal" that a 50/50 type of thing goes on between two people who are interested in each other. I think you are on to something here, but this is something I am unsure of myself so I can only go with what I've experienced. I still have a very low relationship experience. My dating experience is high, and that is kind of a different animal altogether I think. If I put my focus on relationships then I am just as confident I can get one, so it's not an issue of me messing this up because me casually dating has been a choice of mine to "get better" and learn and experience.


Yeah, I agree. If someone's interested in you, really interested, they aren't going to be playing hot-and-cold, play hard to get, and all that other bull**** that I think suits better in a High School environment.
I think my own date/relationship ratio is pretty much the inverse of yours. I tend to not get a high amount of dates, but when I do get dates, they evolve into a relationship more often than not. Don't ask why, because I don't know, lol. So your lack of experience with relationships is because of not having the desire to have one?
I only look for a long term, serious relationship on dating sites, and i'll usually try to filter out the women that give me the impression that she just likes to mess around (and contrary to seemingly popular belief, these exist) or are just interested in short term relationships. Other than that, I don't do or care for one night stands, never have, and most likely never will. Which is one of these things I like about OKCupid, with all the questions, and the fact that you can fill in what kind of thing you're looking for.



bwidger85 said:


> This is one of those things I think comes naturally. If you like someone, and aren't held back by insecurities to take action, then you will attempt to hang out with them. Even if you were the passive one and she starts to fade away a little, you'll feel inside that you should take action and set something up again. I think everyone feels this. If both people like each other and are not held back by insecurities then they will do the things necessary to stay with each other. It's really that simple. The problem happens when you feel you have to always be a certain "role". If you meet a girl, like I did, who is aggressive meeting up with you, then allow her to do that. Why? Because it works. Why mess it up? If she wants to be the one who keep sin contact a lot, a little, or in between, then it doesn't matter. I did not let some insecurity inside of me tell me that I needed to play a "role" while I was dating her. I let her to contact me, and even went passive on purpose, because that was the role she naturally assumed. I went passive on purpose naturally because too much contact is just weird for any relationship and if she kept contacting me and setting things up, then how weird would it be that I did the same at the same time?


True. I do wonder, for example, if one of my exes in particular, was really that into me, because she never made any sort of move, she never really asked whether we could hang out, do stuff, or even just chat on the computer or cam or whatever. That's kind of my biggest issue with someone that lets others always do the approaching. It felt like I "needed" to assume that role, because she either expected me to do this, or maybe she didn't really care after all, and was just content with having "a" relationship. I think my biggest mistake there was chasing her and constantly being the one to make a move. I got sick of it, and I did not get the effort I gave in return. I'm just going to be me, not make more of an effort than I feel is justified or more than I am comfortable making in the future.



bwidger85 said:


> Guys need to drop the ego of being mainly or macho. This may seem like something smart, but it is mostly an insecurity to live up to what you THINK she wants. And girls need to drop the thinking that they should play the passive role if they don't want to. Both these things just get in the way.


Meh, nowadays the only time I am going to be macho or "manly" is when I feel like it. I don't think a chick that expects a guy to constantly be super confident, masculine and never to show emotion isn't the type of woman I want or can be with anyway. I might be a pretty strong guy who endured a lot of ****, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be an inhuman robot and never show my emotion. I actually had a girl like that. She really did not know how to handle it when a guy showed emotion. She litteraly told me that later on, after we broke up. That was pretty funny. And sad.



bwidger85 said:


> I agree. I personal have a fear of generalizing women because I know how off this really is and I know thinking this way has the potential to be bad for me in lots of ways. I probably am wrong when generalizing women play more passive roles more often than men in dating. If you think about it, I'm sure we can all think of girls who are very direct in dating and relationships. If I was to be "PC" about this, then I'd say the IDEA that women should play a passive role in dating remains pretty popular, and you can see this by typing in "how to get a man" in google. Haha, if Google can't tell you the truth, then I don't know what will! jk.


Yeah but like I said, I understand what you meant earlier, in your other post. I can think of a few women like that, yes. One that stands out in particular is this fourty something woman at my gym. Her boyfriend is this 6'3" bodybuilder guy with arms thrice the size of mine. He intimidates the crap out of everyone, but he probably has SA or something, because he is shy as hell. She spent over a *year* working to get his attention, helping him through his issues, and now they've been a couple for about 2 years now, which I think is awesome. She jokingly told me she probably has too much testosterone.

Lol, yeah you're right. Doing a google search yields pretty stereotypical advice, for both genders. Some of that stuff just makes me crinche to be honest, but the problem is that, like you said, the idea of these roles is just so popular that a lot of people just buy into them, because they're told from an early age that that is how they have to be.


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## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> The only thing that I'm not sure of is how much of a biological component plays a role in whether or not a woman is more or less passive/aggressive in relationships, but this may be something that goes beyond relationships and it may just be an individual thing. m Honestly, sometimes I think it's a biological things that women have because they are women, and other times I think it is an individual thing, but I really don't know so I leave it PC :b


Haha, fair enough. I personally think it's a bit of a mix of all of these things. An individual preference, a social construct, and a biological thing. I'm guessing sometimes one of the three just overrides the other two, for both men and women, because there's obviously plenty of "passive" guys out there. And i'll be honest, I used to think I was one of them, although nowadays I realise that it had more to do with insecurities and bad experiences with women in my early life.



bwidger85 said:


> I completely agree. That's the kind of girl I want too. Still, I think relationships will have their fair share of power-plays, especially when you are still getting to know each other. I think that is somewhat natural. I think it isn't natural that we assume "roles" because society sometimes tells us we should. I think that's lame and based on not being natural, which just makes you look and act weird imo. You got to be yourself congruently. Sometimes you'll be bonkers and other times calm, so acceptance is good too


Sure, and I totally don't mind a little (figurative) head-butting. It helps with discovering each others' preferences and limits in many ways. But you're right. If I look back at how I acted in the past, I do feel like it was a bit unnatural, the way I was forced, or felt I was forced, to act. On hte other hand, I think we can agree that most people will put up a front of some sort when you just get to know them. Most people pretend they're more friendly, more easy-going, or whatever towards people they don't know that well. And that's not necessarily a conscious thing, I guess.

Thanks for teaching me a new word (congruently) btw. Had never heard that one before until now.



bwidger85 said:


> I see this too. And to be honest, I think many things play into why guys are so quick to jump the sex wagon:
> 
> A) Because social pressure and not being labeled badly for it; actually rewarded more for it, unlike girls
> 
> B) Because men have a harder time getting sex and therefore want it more and more often from strangers. Men often work for it more. Girls have strategies to keep men who want a relationship by withholding sex sometimes ("3rd date rule").
> 
> C) Guys are accustomed to be the aggressors in dating, so they make it more known upfront
> 
> D) Dating is tough. Getting sex can be tough, harder for men. Guys want sex so they go after it with such enthusiasm that when they get it they don't want anything else. Some guys want a relationship more than other guys and will do the opposite. I think the majority of guys aren't approaching many women, if any, and so they are desperate for sex. Most guys do not approach many women during the week or month unless online.
> 
> E) Could just be a biological difference, like how "men need to spread their seed" for better chance of dna passing. Other animals are like this based on sex, why are men any different?
> 
> These are just some thoughts anyway. This doesn't mean I'm right...


Without trying to let this dissolve into a stereotypical SAS tirade (lol), I do agree with you on pretty much every one of these, except maybe the last one, E. I like to think humans, although we do have certain "animalistic" urges and "instincts", if you will, are above just a primal need for spreading your seed (for men) or seeking a mate to protect your offspring/home, whatever (for women). Higher cognitive functions, reasoning, emotions, and all that.

That said, even though I do find myself craving sex very (and I mean very) often, i've still never went out and had sex with an escort, had a one night stand, or whatever if I found myself single. Why? At the risk of souding cheesy, I actually just want a chick to love before I decide to stick it in her, know what I mean? That's not me trying to judge or having problems with those that do have one nighters, visit prostitutes or whatever. I don't give a **** what people do in their free time, but I found I just don't work that way myself.



bwidger85 said:


> The thing with the looks, I think it plays a factor for both sexes. I do think women put more emphasis on a man's personality/character/vibe than men do on women_, _especially when first dating. This isn't always the general rule of thumb, of course, and it's just my own opinion.


For sure. It does depend on the person, and I do find that women have a wider range of things they potentially consider attractive or unattractive. I've been called ugly by some chicks, and hot by others, and i'm sure that happened to many other guys, whereas men seem to have a more "fixed" list of attributes they consider attractive on a woman, from what i've observed from male friends. I seem to be an odd ball in that regard for some reason, because I regularly voice my attraction to certain features on a woman and the other guys will be like "Nah".



bwidger85 said:


> I think girls on average are more subtle with flirting overall, but it is kind of obvious if you know what to look for. It is like they will do things a person usually wouldn't do to get your attention, and in a way it is kind of obvious if she makes it obvious enough. On the other spectrum of things, guys sometimes think girls are into them just by the girl smiling or engaging in conversation.


Then do tell what to look for, because it's a pretty big mystery to me! :lol I've thought to myself "Oh she's not interested" only to have her ask me out on a date two days later, and i've had instances where I was sooo sure she was into me and I got a "No, sorry. I like you, but only as a friend".



bwidger85 said:


> I'm like you, I don't care about signals if I don't get any. I'm not going to play that game. I go after what I want regardless and find out that way. Some girls do make it blatantly obvious though, but I would not wait on that if you want to be dating more often. Some girls are too shy to make obvious signals, so you'll never know unless you approach anyway, right? I don't care much about signals personally.


True, but at the end of the day, and you only need to look around on this forum to see that, it's not just girls that are shy. Sadly, they (often) do get approached, whereas a guy that's more shy and never gets approached is never going to get a date if a woman doesn't have the guts to actually approach this guy, or is not interested in him for whatever reason.



ravens said:


> I've always hated something about how I looked. Either looking like I was 11 or 12 when I was 15 or being overweight later on. There's more I could go on about but I'll stop there.


If your looks bother you so much, then why don't you try changing it? I'm not talking out of my *** here, I used to be 200lbs of pretty much pure fat at 5'11", which is pretty much the epitome of an average length, and pretty short for the area I live in. Not to mention I had a really crappy, whimpy looking posture. And like I tell everyone that thinks about changing their appearance, do it for yourself, so you can feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, not to get a woman!


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## bsd3355

Signals girls give that show they are interested:

1. The laugh more at your jokes. Even if they are stupid jokes and not funny.
2. They will take sides with you more and agree with you a lot.
3. They will invade your space a lot and out of nowhere to be around you
4. They will stare at you lingeringly and often hold eye contact
5. They will always try to talk to you
6. They will say random things like "your eyes are pretty" or "you have a nice smile" or other compliments
7. They will tell their friends and their friends will talk to you about her and ask if you like her
8. They will invite you places, ask for your number to hang out
9. The will smile at you from across the room (although, i don't see this very often at all)
10. They will tease you a lot and be flirty
11. They will show up where you work unexpectedly or go places they think you are
12. They will make comments around you to other people talking about how they are single or will try to say they like the things you like, etc. They will try to get your opinion on their conversation and try to get you to talk
13. Some are more bold and will just sit by you and start a conversation when you are alone
14. Some will give you their numbers
15. Some will straight up tell you, you are hot and/or want to bang you
16. Overly excite around you/talking to you regardless if you are boring as **** or not

Etc. Etc.


Now that I think about it, I don't think it is any easier a girl does some of these things than it is for a guy to ask straight up. Like, it takes guts to just sit by someone you hardly know and start a conversation because it implies you are interested in them. Girls do that a lot.

I almost don't want to say it because it makes me look like I change my mind a lot about it, but girls can be very direct. I am likely wrong assuming girls are more or less passive than men. Probably the best answer is that it all depends on the person.

So in the end, it's good news that everyone is different. Some girls are direct; others aren't. Some are shy; others aren't. Some will lead; others won't. Sometimes it is 50/50; other times it isn't. So it all depends. I need to break the belief that women don't make direct moves. But, I do think a lot of girls follow a woman's dating "role" too. You can see it everywhere.

It all depends on the person is probably the best answer I could give lol. I'm done now lol.

Overall, I think it is most efficient to just ask and be honest and upfront. If you are normal and cool about it, it doesn't hurt your chances, and you don't waste energy and meaningless signals or abstracts or signs. You just ask and receive. That's the way it should be and that's the most efficient method as far as time and energy goes. It eliminates all the unnecessary stuff and gets to the point, which is the things that really matters.

Like, when I approach a girl, although I am still indirect sometimes, it is always best to go direct and to show your intent so things are NOT ambiguous and basically the girl is agreeing to date you if she keeps in contact with you and hangs out. When you say something like, "You are cute. What's your number? We should hang out sometime/grab coffee sometime", essentially the girl now knows you are romantically interested in her. When you go only indirect and say, "Nice weather, eh? What'd you think about the Cavs game? You like green too!? We should go check it out sometime! What's your number?", when you say it like that it is ambiguous whether or not you are romantically interested in you and many girls are looking for friends and will often go with you under a friend context rather than under a romantic context. Of course, you can go indirect and she may be interested in dating, but if you are direct you make it clear so you get what you want and she knows what you want and can agree or disagree the offer.


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## UndreamingAwake

I like how I wrote an entire essay and you have this short and sweet reply. :lol Ok, granted, half of those posts were quotes, but still. I'll casually try to be on the lookout for some of these things, thanks.


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## bsd3355

Metalunatic, to answer your question you asked about my decision for long-term (relationships) versus short-term dating (casual dating), it has been my decision for a while to do casual dating because, like I said, I have been trying to learn as much as I can and experience as much as I can about dating and seeing my boundaries, etc. This has been a conscious decision on my part. There have been times girls wanted something more, which I probably would of stuck around longer, but unfortunately there seemed to be some disagreements about things, which I didn't like, and other times I wasn't that attracted as I thought I would be to them after a while.

With that said, I think most people want to be liked/loved to some degree. I think relationships are more healthy than casual dating. I think relationships are more fulfilling too, by a long shot. I actually do want a long-term relationship, but it has to be with the right person, and I have put it off for some time because I wanted to experience more dating and learning before I committed myself. I don't think it is right to commit yourself to someone and go off and meet other people.

As far as my ex is concerned, I could not help but like her. I wasn't even looking for something long-term then either. It just happened because I really liked being around her, highly respected her, and felt a large amount of attraction for her. It was great!


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## bsd3355

Metalunatic said:


> I like how I wrote an entire essay and you have this short and sweet reply. :lol Ok, granted, half of those posts were quotes, but still. I'll casually try to be on the lookout for some of these things, thanks.


Haha, well, when I wrote responses to your quotes last time it took me a long, long time. And I also don't really want to hijack anymore of the thread if possible (although, it is likely to happen given my record).

Yeah, thanks for the discussion!


----------



## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> Haha, fair enough. I personally think it's a bit of a mix of all of these things. An individual preference, a social construct, and a biological thing. I'm guessing sometimes one of the three just overrides the other two, for both men and women, because there's obviously plenty of "passive" guys out there. And i'll be honest, I used to think I was one of them, although nowadays I realise that it had more to do with insecurities and bad experiences with women in my early life.
> 
> Sure, and I totally don't mind a little (figurative) head-butting. It helps with discovering each others' preferences and limits in many ways. But you're right. If I look back at how I acted in the past, I do feel like it was a bit unnatural, the way I was forced, or felt I was forced, to act. On hte other hand, I think we can agree that most people will put up a front of some sort when you just get to know them. Most people pretend they're more friendly, more easy-going, or whatever towards people they don't know that well. And that's not necessarily a conscious thing, I guess.
> 
> Thanks for teaching me a new word (congruently) btw. Had never heard that one before until now.
> 
> Without trying to let this dissolve into a stereotypical SAS tirade (lol), I do agree with you on pretty much every one of these, except maybe the last one, E. I like to think humans, although we do have certain "animalistic" urges and "instincts", if you will, are above just a primal need for spreading your seed (for men) or seeking a mate to protect your offspring/home, whatever (for women). Higher cognitive functions, reasoning, emotions, and all that.
> 
> That said, even though I do find myself craving sex very (and I mean very) often, i've still never went out and had sex with an escort, had a one night stand, or whatever if I found myself single. Why? At the risk of souding cheesy, I actually just want a chick to love before I decide to stick it in her, know what I mean? That's not me trying to judge or having problems with those that do have one nighters, visit prostitutes or whatever. I don't give a **** what people do in their free time, but I found I just don't work that way myself.
> 
> For sure. It does depend on the person, and I do find that women have a wider range of things they potentially consider attractive or unattractive. I've been called ugly by some chicks, and hot by others, and i'm sure that happened to many other guys, whereas men seem to have a more "fixed" list of attributes they consider attractive on a woman, from what i've observed from male friends. I seem to be an odd ball in that regard for some reason, because I regularly voice my attraction to certain features on a woman and the other guys will be like "Nah".
> 
> Then do tell what to look for, because it's a pretty big mystery to me! :lol I've thought to myself "Oh she's not interested" only to have her ask me out on a date two days later, and i've had instances where I was sooo sure she was into me and I got a "No, sorry. I like you, but only as a friend".
> 
> True, but at the end of the day, and you only need to look around on this forum to see that, it's not just girls that are shy. Sadly, they (often) do get approached, whereas a guy that's more shy and never gets approached is never going to get a date if a woman doesn't have the guts to actually approach this guy, or is not interested in him for whatever reason.
> 
> If your looks bother you so much, then why don't you try changing it? I'm not talking out of my *** here, I used to be 200lbs of pretty much pure fat at 5'11", which is pretty much the epitome of an average length, and pretty short for the area I live in. Not to mention I had a really crappy, whimpy looking posture. And like I tell everyone that thinks about changing their appearance, do it for yourself, so you can feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, not to get a woman!


I'm trying to lose weight but it's always been tough. Also been lifting weights for the past few years but sometimes I'll stop for a while. Now I'm trying to exercise and lift weights everyday. Also have to exercise more for health reasons since I've been on blood pressure medicines for quite a few years now. I thought I looked better when I was under 200 pounds and right now I weigh almost 230.


----------



## UndreamingAwake

bwidger85 said:


> Haha, well, when I wrote responses to your quotes last time it took me a long, long time. And I also don't really want to hijack anymore of the thread if possible (although, it is likely to happen given my record).
> 
> Yeah, thanks for the discussion!


I know right? I think I must have spent about half an hour reading and writing my last long-winded reply. Very true, i'll refrain from typing out crazy-*** long mesages in this thread from now on as well. And thank you for the discussion as well!



ravens said:


> I'm trying to lose weight but it's always been tough. Also been lifting weights for the past few years but sometimes I'll stop for a while. Now I'm trying to exercise and lift weights everyday. Also have to exercise more for health reasons since I've been on blood pressure medicines for quite a few years now. I thought I looked better when I was under 200 pounds and right now I weigh almost 230.


Can I ask what kind of weight lifting you're doing (low reps, high weight, or high reps, lower weight), what you're eating, and how much? Do you do cardio? Because the only reasons I can think of that you actually gained 30lbs is that either your diet is **** or you're eating to build muscle mass, without first "cutting" and get rid of the fat while maintaining the muscle you have already built, which, for the record, you generally can't do at the same time.


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## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> I know right? I think I must have spent about half an hour reading and writing my last long-winded reply. Very true, i'll refrain from typing out crazy-*** long mesages in this thread from now on as well.
> 
> Can I ask what kind of weight lifting you're doing (low reps, high weight, or high reps, lower weight), what you're eating, and how much? Do you do cardio? Because the only reasons I can think of that you actually gained 30lbs is that either your diet is **** or you're eating to build muscle mass, without first "cutting" and get rid of the fat while maintaining the muscle you have already built, which, for the record, you generally can't do at the same time.












This is what I've been using. Lately I've been trying with higher weights and lower reps. The only exercising I do is walking on a treadmill for 25 minutes a day usually it will be a little over a mile but I've just got back to doing that.

About 5 years ago I weighed over 250 pounds and it took me a while to get down to 190 but over the past couple years I've gained a lot back.

As to diet I don't really know how many calories I eat. My diet for a long time hasn't been that good. Probably eating too much fatty foods.


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## UndreamingAwake

ravens said:


> This is what I've been using. Lately I've been trying with higher weights and lower reps. The only exercising I do is walking on a treadmill for 25 minutes a day usually it will be a little over a mile but I've just got back to doing that.
> 
> About 5 years ago I weighed over 250 pounds and it took me a while to get down to 190 but over the past couple years I've gained a lot back.
> 
> As to diet I don't really know how many calories I eat. My diet for a long time hasn't been that good. Probably eating too much fatty foods.


Alright. Looks nice, and while I can see the appeal of having a workout station at home, I find it's better to just go to a gym routinely. Both to combat SA and because you'll be having all the equipment you could ever wish for within reach.

I don't know how long "lately" has been, but i'm guessing you built up some muscle under that fat by now. When "cutting" the excess fat, you'll want to work to decrease the amount of bodyfat you have, while maintaining your muscle mass as best as possible, though it could be that you experience a bit of strength loss during the process. Therefore, i'd say try to stick to around 6-10 reps per set, for a total of 3 sets, around the same weight you are on now. I just stick to my regular 8 reps, with about 45 seconds in between sets.

I personally think that while there's a bunch of basics when it comes to diet, every body is different, and without knowing what you eat, how often you eat, and all that, I just don't feel comfortable suggesting a particular kind of diet. Maybe you could consult a dietitian that specialises in sports or something. I'm sure they can give you a better picture of what you should and should not eat to achieve your goals. Also, do you have a specific percentage of bodyfat you'd like to reach?

Keep doing the walking. I still have a couple of extra % of bodyfat, mostly some remaining belly fat, I want to get rid of, so I did away with my bike, and now walk to and from the gym at a decent pace, which takes up a total of about 40 minutes each day, 5 days a week, and believe me when I say you already notice a difference after roughly 2 to 3 weeks.

Lastly, the keys are consistency, willpower and discipline. It just sucks to hear that you were 190lbs at one point, and then went ahead and added 40lbs right back up. Keep it up, and trust me when I say you'll feel a lot more confident around others when you finally do get yourself into shape.


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## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> Alright. Looks nice, and while I can see the appeal of having a workout station at home, I find it's better to just go to a gym routinely. Both to combat SA and because you'll be having all the equipment you could ever wish for within reach.
> 
> I don't know how long "lately" has been, but i'm guessing you built up some muscle under that fat by now. When "cutting" the excess fat, you'll want to work to decrease the amount of bodyfat you have, while maintaining your muscle mass as best as possible, though it could be that you experience a bit of strength loss during the process. Therefore, i'd say try to stick to around 6-10 reps per set, for a total of 3 sets, around the same weight you are on now. I just stick to my regular 8 reps, with about 45 seconds in between sets.
> 
> I personally think that while there's a bunch of basics when it comes to diet, every body is different, and without knowing what you eat, how often you eat, and all that, I just don't feel comfortable suggesting a particular kind of diet. Maybe you could consult a dietitian that specialises in sports or something. I'm sure they can give you a better picture of what you should and should not eat to achieve your goals. Also, do you have a specific percentage of bodyfat you'd like to reach?
> 
> Keep doing the walking. I still have a couple of extra % of bodyfat, mostly some remaining belly fat, I want to get rid of, so I did away with my bike, and now walk to and from the gym at a decent pace, which takes up a total of about 40 minutes each day, 5 days a week, and believe me when I say you already notice a difference after roughly 2 to 3 weeks.
> 
> Lastly, the keys are consistency, willpower and discipline. It just sucks to hear that you were 190lbs at one point, and then went ahead and added 40lbs right back up. Keep it up, and trust me when I say you'll feel a lot more confident around others when you finally do get yourself into shape.


I haven't been doing any weightlifting since the end of January. One of the cables broke and I had to get a new cable. Just got it put on a few days ago so I'll start back. I'm doing 6 reps and 3 sets and I have been doing that for a couple of weeks. Before that I was using a lower weight and doing 8-10 reps. Thanks for the encouragement and hopefully I won't start getting lazy like I've been known for doing and stick to it.

I don't have a specific percentage of bodyfat I would like to reach. I've got a scale that shows your bodyfat percentage, which I've heard is not that reliable. I got 3 readings of it and it averaged out to almost 33% bodyfat. When I weighed 190 I remember my bodyfat was around 25% so I guess close to 20% or so.


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## UndreamingAwake

ravens said:


> I haven't been doing any weightlifting since the end of January. One of the cables broke and I had to get a new cable. Just got it put on a few days ago so I'll start back. I'm doing 6 reps and 3 sets and I have been doing that for a couple of weeks. Before that I was using a lower weight and doing 8-10 reps. Thanks for the encouragement and hopefully I won't start getting lazy like I've been known for doing and stick to it.
> 
> I don't have a specific percentage of bodyfat I would like to reach. I've got a scale that shows your bodyfat percentage, which I've heard is not that reliable. I got 3 readings of it and it averaged out to almost 33% bodyfat. When I weighed 190 I remember my bodyfat was around 25% so I guess close to 20% or so.


Sure, no problem! Always happy to help. You might want to try and up your reps to 8 and use a little less weight if needed. Remember, getting the proper form comes before lifting heavy. One thing I can't stretch enough, however, is that to lose fat, your diet is going to be the main thing! There's a saying that you've no doubt heard before, "abs are made in the kitchen", and it's true. Even if you don't want abs, the principle still stands. 
When you have been doing this for a couple of weeks with the proper motivation, you will get addicted to it. I'm having a "deload week", which is a week of rest/decreased weights, right now, and I can't tell you how itchy it always makes me to not exercise. I know it's hard, I know it might seem like a lot of effort, I know it might even seem boring and monotonous to get out there several days a week and do all that stuff, but it's been one of the best decisions i've made in my life, and I feel a lot better for it, both mentally and physically. God, I sound like one of those advertisers...

You're right that most of these electronic bodyfat measurement tools aren't very reliable. What you might want to try is get a hold of one of these body fat calipers and measure it that way by following the instructions. You'll probably get a more accurate reading that way.

And now i'm going to stop spamming this thread and make way for the guys and girls that have awesome success stories in finding a girlfriend...


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## ravens

Metalunatic said:


> Sure, no problem! Always happy to help. You might want to try and up your reps to 8 and use a little less weight if needed. Remember, getting the proper form comes before lifting heavy. One thing I can't stretch enough, however, is that to lose fat, your diet is going to be the main thing! There's a saying that you've no doubt heard before, "abs are made in the kitchen", and it's true. Even if you don't want abs, the principle still stands.
> When you have been doing this for a couple of weeks with the proper motivation, you will get addicted to it. I'm having a "deload week", which is a week of rest/decreased weights, right now, and I can't tell you how itchy it always makes me to not exercise. I know it's hard, I know it might seem like a lot of effort, I know it might even seem boring and monotonous to get out there several days a week and do all that stuff, but it's been one of the best decisions i've made in my life, and I feel a lot better for it, both mentally and physically. God, I sound like one of those advertisers...
> 
> You're right that most of these electronic bodyfat measurement tools aren't very reliable. What you might want to try is get a hold of one of these body fat calipers and measure it that way by following the instructions. You'll probably get a more accurate reading that way.
> 
> And now i'm going to stop spamming this thread and make way for the guys and girls that have awesome success stories in finding a girlfriend...


When I started lifting a few years ago I did it every day for quite a while. I was also buying protein powder and creatine. Haven't used any of that in a long time. Hopefully I'll keep at it like I was back then and not stop for a few months and then start back again.


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## londonguy202

nothing, too scared and busy with work


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## alyien

I realize I whine alot for someone that gets chances with girls but anyways..

Went to the trashiest club in my town, grinded with one girl then later on had some very cute but incredibly overweight girl basically grab me and made me grind with her.
Most aggressive girl ever, put my hands on her boobs made out with girls while doing so and ended up pulling my hair while making out grabbing my dick etc. and giving me an annoying hickey.

I realized this was prob my once chance to lose my virginity if I kept with her but I desperately wanted to go, every time I tried to leave she pulled my *** back in.

I had always thought that I'd start going for the overweight girls as a gf (not her as a gf tho obv) since there's way less competition but reality is I can't do it. Looks do matter and after I left her I couldn't get anyone else.

Its really stupid since its like starving in a desert and I won't take what comes to me, probably the second time I've done this. The other time was a Japanese fob anime/gaming geek (not into that stuff at all since my teens).
I mean I always think I'll take whatever I can get but when I'm facing that situation in reality I start having an ego.
Oh well, virgin at 30 probably.


----------



## MCHB

This! http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=69702494

This was me writing it! ---> :mum

...Feel free to laugh! :b

The ex and I might try to work things out, she isn't sure; yadda yadda long story something something soap opera dating what-ever. So if she isn't sure, well hey; moving forwards right?


----------



## alyien

Hey you're from Kelowna. People seem very friendly there compared to van.
I'm actually hoping to go ubco, better chances to get girls there from the couple of times I went.


----------



## pete24

The POF girl who things seemed really positive with has gone to pot. 

Im not highly bothered because as always, I didnt put all my eggs in 1 basket and nothing was sealed and finalised. 

Suddenly yesterday she just stopped replying to me and I havent heard off her since (Even though she has been active on whatsapp). I think it was down to me being the best option at the time of her sending the first message on POF, but alas someone seemingly "better" popped up yesterday.

I'm not bothered in the slightest though. As far as i'm concerned it's her loss and someone else will pop up soon enough


----------



## MCHB

alyien said:


> Hey you're from Kelowna. People seem very friendly there compared to van.
> I'm actually hoping to go ubco, better chances to get girls there from the couple of times I went.


Spent a year at UBCO; not a bad campus. A bit out of the city but they have bus service to the main amenities.


----------



## Zeeshan

Well i am back, was banned for a month, 

It was a terrible month anyways. Its the worst winter i can remember. -20 everyday, snow up to the knees every day. Cant wait for spring


----------



## nothing else

Can't do anything. I'm too short and ugly and dating is not remotely possible.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have a date with a girl that is actually into me. For once I don't feel like I'm doing all the work. Now I'm nervous as hell


----------



## pete24

A couple more on pof who messaged me 1st over the weekend. 1 lives in a very busy town I hate travelling to so I didn't reply.

1 is too young (10 years younger), 1 isnt my type at all and the other seemed ok, although distance is perhaps a bit far. 

Spoke with the last girl for a while, got her number and she added me on FB.

Looking through her photo's though, she's more of a no thanks. From what I gather she's 1 of them 30 year olds that hasn't gone past her younger days. Shes still into clubbing every weekend. She even has pictures up of her "randomly" having full on kisses with a few guys on nights out. I know potential girlfriends would of kissed other guys before me, but to be able to see it... no thanks, instant turnoff.

As for the other POF girl in my post above. She stopped replying to me and blocked me on FB because she got back with 1 of her ex's. Bit pathetic really she couldn't even be bothered to tell me so just blocked me instead, but as I mentioned above... her loss


----------



## pete24

What im realising now is I dont know how Bwidger does it.... Multiple dates, multiple women and you can still keep up with each of their different likes/dislikes?

I had a sudden influx after posting the above... Got a 2nd number off a dating site in 1 day and had some random add on FB... Already go no idea of who's who and what they are into :/


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> What im realising now is I dont know how Bwidger does it.... Multiple dates, multiple women and you can still keep up with each of their different likes/dislikes?
> 
> I had a sudden influx after posting the above... Got a 2nd number off a dating site in 1 day and had some random add on FB... Already go no idea of who's who and what they are into :/


For me it's pretty easy. If I decide to go after a lot of numbers I'll write a note under their number about certain things about them (i.e., job, school, where we met, etc). From my experience, most numbers don't lead to much, so the ones that do stick around are always more memorable, and I don't date that much at once either because it's too time consuming and not enjoyable (learned this fairly recently). Also, I text all the numbers I get and the texts are a record base if you forget anything. You really don't need to remember much about them for a date. When you go on a date you can ask the same questions when you met and there is nothing wrong with that. Naturally, I think the more time you spend with someone the easier it is to remember things about them.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger posted a comment about how women would punish men who don't make a move and stuff like that and I was so worried that I wouldn't live up to it. But tonight I had a great date with a girl where I pretty much was making all the moves (except for sex) and it wasn't awkward, creepy or none of the stuff I feared.

I will say this, I almost punked out on kissing her but right before she opened the door, I leaned in to kiss her, then she instantly kissed me back and it was awesome. We are making plans for a 2nd date once we get our work schedules in order.


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> bwidger posted a comment about how women would punish men who don't make a move and stuff like that and I was so worried that I wouldn't live up to it. But tonight I had a great date with a girl where I pretty much was making all the moves (except for sex) and it wasn't awkward, creepy or none of the stuff I feared.
> 
> I will say this, I almost punked out on kissing her but right before she opened the door, I leaned in to kiss her, then she instantly kissed me back and it was awesome. We are making plans for a 2nd date once we get our work schedules in order.


Awesome! Good luck

Maybe the word "punish" was the wrong word to use, but you guys probably know what I meant. Also, I hope I didn't make people too paranoid about making a move, but if you have any doubt about it, just do it and see what happens. Usually, if she likes you and is ready for it, it is a good thing I think. If she's not ready then that's fine too and no harm is done.


----------



## Zeeshan

Jesuszilla said:


> bwidger posted a comment about how women would punish men who don't make a move and stuff like that and I was so worried that I wouldn't live up to it. But tonight I had a great date with a girl where I pretty much was making all the moves (except for sex) and it wasn't awkward, creepy or none of the stuff I feared.
> 
> I will say this, I almost punked out on kissing her but right before she opened the door, I leaned in to kiss her, then she instantly kissed me back and it was awesome. We are making plans for a 2nd date once we get our work schedules in order.


Good luck


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Awesome! Good luck
> 
> Maybe the word "punish" was the wrong word to use, but you guys probably know what I meant. Also, I hope I didn't make people too paranoid about making a move, but if you have any doubt about it, just do it and see what happens. Usually, if she likes you and is ready for it, it is a good thing I think. If she's not ready then that's fine too and no harm is done.


Thanks. I agree that guys should make a move. While we were waiting for a seat, I put my arm around her and expected her to think I was creepy, when she embraced it and moved closer to me. So after that happened, I have almost no anxiety until it came to kissing her, which as previously mentioned worked out.



Zeeshan said:


> Good luck


Thanks.


----------



## bsd3355

Took a slightly different route to ask a girl out. After I got her number, I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said no. I then asked if she was interested in a coffee date. She said yes. I've been giving more opportunities for girls to say no. I think this is good because I don't have to waste time on girls who aren't really interested.

Just goes to show how just saying really what's on your mind is likely the best way to go. I did not go direct on the approach. Either way, it wouldn't of made a big difference I don't think.

I am now interested in a girlfriend. If this feeling doesn't change, this is what my new focus will be on. It will be interesting to see what happens. I will keep dating until I am certain I want a certain girl to be my girlfriend. I do not expect it to come fast nor too easily.


----------



## nothing else

If you have very poor genetics, some people are just doomed and can never meet anybody.


----------



## pete24

I'm back to nothing. The pof messages didnt really come to much (Not really my type, too far, etc).

I find myself limited these days. Online has always been my main resource but up until the last few months I cant really get in a relationship with someone too far away due to circumstances at home. However, new women joining dating sites from around my area are very few and far between.

Offline is as bad as ever. Iv gone through reasons why offline is not possible for me before (The town/culture I live in, me being a nervous wreck, no groups to join, etc).

Actually the last 2 times out in public have made me so much worse because of people.

A month or 2 ago I was buying something from a shop. This guy was chatting to someone who worked there, as I was being served the guy said "are you sure you can afford that?" (implying that I look poor)... No idea why, I was wearing decent clothes that day.

Then my last visit to town (last week), I was wearing decent branded clothing. Henleys, Penguin, Lee cooper... probably about £200 value. As I left the pub I put my empty pint glass on the bar and this guy chatting to the bar girl turned round, saw me and said "Shouldn't you be down the jobcentre?". Again clearly implying that i'm poor, scruffy, jobless. 

I'm *****ing fed up with it to be honest. Years back I would try to approach people and make small talk when out and about, but because of my nervousness, people thought I was high on drugs (and often even asked "what have you been taking?" etc).

Then there was a phase when people thought I am gay, I was even referred to as "that gay lad" by people on a number of occasions.

Now though, after trying to better myself, new clothes and trying to look my best, i'm seen as a scruffy, rough, jobless poor person.

Society has crushed any chance of me approaching women when out and about.


----------



## Chukopin

It could very well be that this doesn't apply to you, but a lot is about posture too.

If you walk bended forward, have a weird way of walking, have a miserable look on your face, it will make a hige difference, whatever clothing you wear. I actively went about smiling whenever I'm outside my home, and seeming happy. And it works, people are much more friendly too me, and much more talkative. And all of that will make you feel better genuinly, so it's a positive feedback system. It does take a lot of effort though. This morning a friend noticed I looked so happy, but actually lay awake crying about my depression life all night. Eventually it will become a habit.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I look at the post a pic of yourself thread and do not feel all that attractive compared to other men, yet I had a great date on Sunday and another girl just asked me to get some drinks with her on Friday. Other than not wanting to make every girl I meet my girlfriend and being more comfortable touching and flirting nothing else really changed. I'm still anxious and quiet around girls (I do eventually open up) so it's not like I'm super outgoing confident guy. Whatever the case is I like it


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> I look at the post a pic of yourself thread and do not feel all that attractive compared to other men, yet I had a great date on Sunday and another girl just asked me to get some drinks with her on Friday. Other than not wanting to make every girl I meet my girlfriend and being more comfortable touching and flirting nothing else really changed. I'm still anxious and quiet around girls (I do eventually open up) so it's not like I'm super outgoing confident guy. Whatever the case is I like it


Just work on liking yourself and then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what your personality type is IF you know how to take action. Also, the looks thing is something you can only change somewhat. Better to focus on what you can change if you want to, than to put all your energy on negativity about the things you can't. I promise, your energy is spent better going after what you want. That's just my two cents, anyway.


----------



## Dissonance

Nothing I avoid women because I am fat short with a bad attitude when I hear something I believe is wrong. Though if I am open minded enough to consider the ideas of others and admit I am wrong. I also do not excerise because I find running around in a loop at my park boring as **** and unemployed so I can not afford to take an awesome martial arts class. So I am a sad broke sack of **** that doesn't bother with women beyond friendships.


----------



## Ineko

As someone that swings both ways, I haven't had a gf in like forever..
*sniff sniff...


----------



## JakeBoston1000

got a hooker


----------



## Brian The Social Retard

What kind of goals can I set myself. I recently took the semester off from community college to straighten out my career desires. Iv'e only had two relationships: one real-life and one online with a mutual friend. The last relationship (real-life) ended when I was in tenth grade. How I even met her or asked her out... I wish I remembered! But one thing I do know is when it comes to girls, my luck is comparable to those guys on that esurance or whatever commercial. Any tips on what I can do to approach potential partners?


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Just work on liking yourself and then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what your personality type is IF you know how to take action. Also, the looks thing is something you can only change somewhat. Better to focus on what you can change if you want to, than to put all your energy on negativity about the things you can't. I promise, your energy is spent better going after what you want. That's just my two cents, anyway.


I'm working on liking myself. My comment seemed a little whiny when a girl just asked me to get drinks with her.


----------



## bsd3355

Brian The Social Retard said:


> What kind of goals can I set myself. I recently took the semester off from community college to straighten out my career desires. Iv'e only had two relationships: one real-life and one online with a mutual friend. The last relationship (real-life) ended when I was in tenth grade. How I even met her or asked her out... I wish I remembered! But one thing I do know is when it comes to girls, my luck is comparable to those guys on that esurance or whatever commercial. Any tips on what I can do to approach potential partners?


Take some risks and start asking girls out on dates! Doesn't matter how you do it; just start doing that. Don't just try online either. Post about it here if you wish and let us know how it turns out! Your past doesn't determine who you want to be in the future.


----------



## bsd3355

Dissonance said:


> Nothing I avoid women because I am fat short with a bad attitude when I hear something I believe is wrong. Though if I am open minded enough to consider the ideas of others and admit I am wrong. I also do not excerise because I find running around in a loop at my park boring as **** and unemployed so I can not afford to take an awesome martial arts class. So I am a sad broke sack of **** that doesn't bother with women beyond friendships.


I know the feeling, but surely you can do it if you really put your focus on it!


----------



## pete24

So another pof.... this time an older woman :O. Actually about 15 years older than me, doesnt have kids, is rather attractive.

We spoke and she seems quite upfront. I didnt think she was gonna reply to me after the first message because she said she doesnt like stubble or beards (and I have complete stubble). I think shes expecting me to shave it all off :O.

Anyway she asked for my number, we spoke for hours, arranged a date next week. I have felt spaced of throughout our chats though as I drunk too much booze last night.

I cant help but feel shes too stylish for me. Also suddenly she asked me if i'm a naughty type of guy.

I gave her some line saying yeah things like that are nice with the right person etc. Then she sent me a steamy pic :O. 

I'm actually worried about the date. I have to travel to her. She seems quite outgoing, stylish and i'm gonna turn up there with stubble she wont like and a more rough/urban style look. While she will be there with a nice smart dress, heels. She seems to have the idea we are going for a meal too... Will be a fail if we do.

Ah well, its a day out I guess.

1 thing I can take from it is she must be into me for whatever reason because as soon as she had my number, she didn't log back in to pof, each text reply took just 1 minute or less and when texting over whatsapp, as soon as she said shes off to bed, she hasnt been back on it since (so isnt blagging me off).

As for Chukopin. Yeah I think it might be posture. An ex said I leaned back a bit too much when standing. 

I think that happens subconsciously because a family member has a disease that means their body bends forward a bit too much, as a kid I always tried to bend back more because I was worried that if I was bending forwards at all, people many think I have to disease too. So now i'm gonna have to keep telling myself in my head the bend forwards a tiny bit when I walk


----------



## pete24

So Tuesday it is (the date).... Any tips?

Let's just say i'm 30 and shes 45. What do women that age even like?

Actually don't know if i'm putting myself into a situation with a rough woman. She's a pint (beer or cider) drinker, admits she does swear now and again, is flirty after a few beers, likes morning sex, uses the phrase "babe", has a slightly racist tone, has had a 3 some. Even said if we got on well on the date, the next time we meet she will cook me a meal at hers but dress up in just sexy underwear and stockings while cooking it :O.

Is that really what 45 year women are like these days?

I think 1 of the main attractions is it's because she is an older woman (oh and likes wearing stockings, is pretty hot). If she was my age and like that, I probably wouldn't be interested


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> So Tuesday it is (the date).... Any tips?
> 
> Let's just say i'm 30 and shes 45. What do women that age even like?
> 
> Actually don't know if i'm putting myself into a situation with a rough woman. She's a pint (beer or cider) drinker, admits she does swear now and again, is flirty after a few beers, likes morning sex, uses the phrase "babe", has a slightly racist tone, has had a 3 some. Even said if we got on well on the date, the next time we meet she will cook me a meal at hers but dress up in just sexy underwear and stockings while cooking it :O.
> 
> Is that really what 45 year women are like these days?
> 
> I think 1 of the main attractions is it's because she is an older woman (oh and likes wearing stockings, is pretty hot). If she was my age and like that, I probably wouldn't be interested


Sexual desire doesn't go away when you're 45. I doubt she was saying that for ****s and giggles. I've read the inner-most thoughts of 60+ year old women on sites like reddict and yahoo before who say they still want to get laid and do.

As far as acting on the date, I'd just act like you usually would on a date. Just because she's older doesn't mean you should act any different. If you want to get sexual with her then do so when you feel like it. Same rules.


----------



## pete24

Would someone my age or under 30 be as direct and open though? 

Is it slaggy or just that older women are more direct and don't beat around the bush.

Thanks, yeah will see what happens. Booze will help. 1 things for sure is i'm not getting rid of my stubble as she wants me to. I think when people thought I was gay, I didnt have much stubble so having stubble now has at least toned done those assumptions.

Will post an update after the date on Tuesday. It seems like its gonna be 1 of them where either it's a fail of things are physical... we will see.

-----
Instead of making another post, just updating this. Speaking on the phone I get this very uncertain vibe. Shes had countless relationships, no doubt has slept around lots, can be loud mouthed, doesn't have a job (jobless at 45 isnt good), seems she can get violent/more gobby when drunk. 

It's probably a bad mood even meeting her, alas, I have been stuck on the shelf for too long so if this means something to look forward to in life... why not


----------



## rymo

Watch this guy's other videos, he's amazing. Do it. NOW.


----------



## pete24

Soooo.... the "date" with the older woman yesterday. A pretty expensive day for me as I had to pay for travel.

Anyway, I arrived early, she finally arrived and initial thoughts were wtf. Apart from a few facial features she was nothing like her pics. I was actually embarrassed to be seen with her.

In 1 pub this smoking hot girl was looking at me and smiling in a really good way. I think she liked me and just assumed this older woman was a friend as I could do so much better.

As the booze was flowing, she made a suggestion of going back to her's for drinks. It was too obvious where that was going, but as I had booze in me I went back and stayed over night....oops.

She wasnt the worst looking woman on the planet (near enough was), but deffo not my type. Probably will suggest being friends and nothing more.

Edit: Well funnily enough after I got home I haven't heard off her. I think that was because I did tell her some time before I left that we are just so different and things might not be idea. I didn't think she got that hint, but now I think she must of


----------



## tooafraid

I just cannot seem to muster the courage to even try to approach girls yet. Forget having SA, or no friends, the biggest thing that is preventing me from doing is so, is my lack of job which I'm just too ashamed about given that I'm 25 and have already graduated from university 2 years ago. I mean 2 years should be sufficient time to even get some sort of entry level job, but little did I know the extent in which SA can consume one's mind where 2 years just passes by in a flash without anything being positively achieved. 

So what I'm working on now is doing all I can to get a job, even if I have to go into the interview making the biggest fool of myself and shaking uncontrollably like I always do in any social situation as I don't think I can take being single and without any ounce of love any longer.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Soooo.... the "date" with the older woman yesterday. A pretty expensive day for me as I had to pay for travel.
> 
> Anyway, I arrived early, she finally arrived and initial thoughts were wtf. Apart from a few facial features she was nothing like her pics. I was actually embarrassed to be seen with her.
> 
> In 1 pub this smoking hot girl was looking at me and smiling in a really good way. I think she liked me and just assumed this older woman was a friend as I could do so much better.
> 
> As the booze was flowing, she made a suggestion of going back to her's for drinks. It was too obvious where that was going, but as I had booze in me I went back and stayed over night....oops.
> 
> She wasnt the worst looking woman on the planet (near enough was), but deffo not my type. Probably will suggest being friends and nothing more.
> 
> Edit: Well funnily enough after I got home I haven't heard off her. I think that was because I did tell her some time before I left that we are just so different and things might not be idea. I didn't think she got that hint, but now I think she must of


lol good stuff, your gonna look back on these memories with satisfaction


----------



## Zeeshan

tooafraid said:


> I just cannot seem to muster the courage to even try to approach girls yet. Forget having SA, or no friends, the biggest thing that is preventing me from doing is so, is my lack of job which I'm just too ashamed about given that I'm 25 and have already graduated from university 2 years ago. I mean 2 years should be sufficient time to even get some sort of entry level job, but little did I know the extent in which SA can consume one's mind where 2 years just passes by in a flash without anything being positively achieved.
> 
> So what I'm working on now is doing all I can to get a job, even if I have to go into the interview making the biggest fool of myself and shaking uncontrollably like I always do in any social situation as I don't think I can take being single and without any ounce of love any longer.


Good luck


----------



## bsd3355

Been playing a lot of skyrim lately lol


----------



## changeme77

nothing else said:


> If you have very poor genetics, some people are just doomed and can never meet anybody.


Bull****. Even with poor genetics you can make yourself look more attractive. Doing nothing does nothing to achieve your full potential.


----------



## Jesuszilla

bwidger85 said:


> Been playing a lot of skyrim lately lol


You're getting an interactive girlfriend. Clever


----------



## bsd3355

changeme77 said:


> Bull****. Even with poor genetics you can make yourself look more attractive. Doing nothing does nothing to achieve your full potential.


exactly


----------



## bsd3355

Jesuszilla said:


> You're getting an interactive girlfriend. Clever


yes, once i conquer skyrim ill get all the *****es. tis my destiny


----------



## For

Thinking positive with the mind. Ive now recently just gotten a group of new friends. (Though they're much older than me; i respect that) Ive never been in the dating scene. But I'm going to try as of today. Ive been texting a girl since yesterday so ill see how it goes and let you guys know. Overall I've seen this week as a positive. Stay happy guys. it'll come around for you. it always does.


----------



## pete24

Same s*** with POF. I have quite a few messages still. Got 12 new inbox messages in last week or so. Good in theory, but it's been the same old story the past 7 months.

Either I don't find them attractive (tattoo's on boobs, gobby, really chavvy in general or just not my type) or they are nice but too far away (Not worth travelling for over 4 hours and paying £60+ train fare just to get to them for a date).

Still keeping the hope I guess


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm taking steps to be around girls that I'm not already friends with. This is desensitization, something that my therapist (who is female) is trying. She's trying to get me to realize that girls aren't so scary, at least the ones that would be interested in me as more than a friend.

I've given up on dating sites. I have a few people saying they'd like to meet me on MeetMe, but I'm not sure how realistic it is, and most of them are not my type. Right now, I'm just working on being positive, trying to lose weight, and not beating myself up for being so shy and inexperienced.


----------



## alta

Around Feb. I got a little burned out by all the couples stuff on Facebook (kind of rubbing in the fact that this year I finally hit year 24 of never being kissed), so I went a little overboard with dating sites again (even paying for a month on one of them).

Zero success in even securing a first date per usual, ha they're crazy, self-esteem destroying, and I'm ready to close my accounts again.

Meanwhile I'm wanting to go to a bar this week while I still have the free time. I want to practice the "in person" thing cause I'm still terrible at it.


----------



## Inscrutable Banana

"What are you doing to get a girl?"

Not doing enough, apparently. ¬_¬


----------



## M0rbid

Going places and chatting with them awkwardly .....


----------



## pete24

Edit: Bummer.. I was wasted last night.

*removed main bit because i'm asking a standalone question about this*

Also on POF I replied to a few women drunkenly, Bleh... The states we get into when drunk eh


----------



## Persephone The Dread

bwidger85 said:


> yes, once i conquer skyrim ill get all the *****es. tis my destiny


Sadly the laws of Skyrim dictate you can only have one partner at time. They are very serious about monogamy there. :blank

all though, you know, mods.


----------



## bsd3355

Persephone The Dread said:


> Sadly the laws of Skyrim dictate you can only have one partner at time. They are very serious about monogamy there. :blank
> 
> all though, you know, mods.


lol yeah, true


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

Not a thing, aww.


----------



## bsd3355

DenizenOfDespair said:


> Not a thing, aww.


lol

this is the music that plays in my head every time i get rejected.

imagine the asian guy shaking his head with a nasty grimace; only make it a female hahahah

i then go home and do the splits while meditating on the top of my building too. i find it gives me strength


----------



## AngelClare

rymo said:


> Watch this guy's other videos, he's amazing. Do it. NOW.


Never heard so much good advice in one video. Funny too.


----------



## millenniumman75

bwidger85 said:


> lol
> 
> this is the music that plays in my head every time i get rejected.
> 
> imagine the asian guy shaking his head with a nasty grimace; only make it a female hahahah
> 
> i then go home and do the splits while meditating on the top of my building too. i find it gives me strength


 It's that moment with the splits that had the funniest line....

"Don't you want to have kids someday?" :lol


----------



## rymo

Went on a date with a gorgeous Asian woman earlier in the week. We meet at a bar to break the ice before going to a show that she had tickets for. Unfortunately, she got held up at the office and we only had 20 min or so to talk at the bar before going to the show. So the ice was not broken. At all. It was a bit awkward. After, we went and got some food and another drink. It went _okay_, and then I kissed her at the end of the night.

Unfortunately, I was putting so much pressure on myself to do all the right "date" things (kissing, getting physical, eye contact), that I didn't just chill the **** out and have a good time. I was bored at the show, and she was bored with me. I wasn't even attempting to be charming, partially because I was intimidated by her (5'11" and wearing 4 inch heels...first time I've gone on a date with someone as tall as me, even if it was the heels that did it. Plus she's a lawyer). I figured, at the very least if I just act chill and laid back I won't say anything dumb.

WRONG attitude to have. It pisses me off that it's so difficult for me to just relax and have a good time. And because of that, I played it safe, asked her boring questions, and generally just blew it big time. If I'm on that night, great things could happen. If I'm not, nada. Why can't I be more consistent? Why am I always in a ****ty, anxious mood? I don't know, but I'm really, really, really, really, really ****ing sick of it because awesome opportunities are blown.

Anyway, I texted her Friday to hang out and she gave me the "Can I get a rain check?" line. So I threw her one final death knell text today and I'm just waiting for the blow off. At least then I won't be wondering.


----------



## rymo

failoutboy said:


> If she is a lawyer, I'd say you are better off without her. I bet she is argumentative and money/status driven.


I don't know about the money part but she was very nice and down to earth.


----------



## rymo

Her response: "Okay, but fair warning: in addition to an already unpredictable schedule, my partner and I have to give comments and turn drafts back over to opposing counsel bla bla bla, so if I do end up canceling know that it is not my intention to blow you off."

So I said "if on Tuesday you feel like there's a chance you might have too much work the next day, let me know and tell me when you're free to let me show you a great time."

In other words, I would be absolutely shocked if she texts me again. But at least now I know, and I've said my piece. The ball is in her court so if I don't get anything by Tuesday I can be sure of where I stand. I shouldn't care so much, but inevitably I always do, mostly because I don't have a life outside of trying to get girls and work. I have a few friends but because I have a hard time relating to most people, when that validation I'm seeking fails it gets to me. /pity party


----------



## Jesuszilla

I've been texting a girl that doesn't think I'm shy. Why? Because we make a lot of jokes over text and she thinks I'm hilarious. Now I'm worried that when we do finally go out she'd see how boring I really am. I really don't want to freeze up and go blank when we do. At this point going on a date is inevitable since she literally told me she has a crush on me. I'm worried because my text/online self is nothing like my in person self. Oh and she's super outgoing and friendly so I can't see her understanding my introversion at all. We talked on the phone once and it wasn't half bad either. Any tips? We're going out on Saturday and I'm so damn nervous I can't sleep or eat.

The other "problem" is she is way out of my league. She's hands down the most beautiful woman to ever be interested in me and in terms of looks I have no clue why. I guess it's because I asked for her number but all I can think about is why doesn't someone so outgoing and attractive doesn't have a million other men after her? Truth be told I didn't expect it to go anywhere especially since I had another girl I was dating at the time we met (the other girl wasn't a girlfriend just had some awesome chemistry with her that's another story though)


----------



## bsd3355

I'm back at "caring what others think". Sucks you can't hold on to the desensitization forever. Guess that means I need to stretch my comfort zone again, and again.


----------



## Brandeezy

Haven't been on here in a while but after having a total meltdown a couple weeks ago i've been on medication and using my "don't give a **** attitude" for the first time. I feel better than two weeks ago and things aren't effecting me like they use to. Right now i'm texting a girl who messaged me on the mobile app Tinder. She actually works near my job and i'm pretty sure that she's seen me before at my job but doesn't remember. She's a little on the plus side but i'm not going to let that bother me and see if I can develop a friendship first. I told her about me not having a license and never having a relationship but surprisingly she didn't judge me. She wondered why a guy like myself never had a gf since I'm attractive and pretty funny (her words lol) but thought it was also cute. She also said that she would help me get a license and practice with her car so we'll see where this goes in the future. I'm pretty sure i've seen her at my store before so i'm gonna tell her where I work today to see if she remembers or if her attitude changes but she did say she would tell me upfront if she didn't want to talk anymore so time to play the waiting game.


----------



## Putin

I'm supposed to be meeting a girl I met on POF this Friday. She looks pretty enough, and she says she's into me, but she seems really aloof and disinterested. I don't know how this will go


----------



## Brandeezy

Putin said:


> I'm supposed to be meeting a girl I met on POF this Friday. She looks pretty enough, and she says she's into me, but she seems really aloof and disinterested. I don't know how this will go


Good luck


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

bwidger85 said:


> lol
> 
> this is the music that plays in my head every time i get rejected.
> 
> imagine the asian guy shaking his head with a nasty grimace; only make it a female hahahah
> 
> i then go home and do the splits while meditating on the top of my building too. i find it gives me strength


LOL! Nice, man! We all should put ourselves through that training while we listen to Stan Bush music


----------



## Putin

Brandeezy said:


> Good luck


thanks


----------



## Slinkington

I'm convinced I'll be single forever. I have a child from a previous relationship (don't ask how that happened, with my SAD 'n' all), live with my parents and have no job. I realise that seems like I have zero prospects, which is a massive turn off. But being single for so long now is crushing me. It'd be nice if someone gave me their attention for a 15 minute coffee. I'm actually a delightful person.


----------



## M0rbid

Slinkington said:


> I'm convinced I'll be single forever. I have a *child from a previous relationship *(don't ask how that happened, with my SAD 'n' all), live with my parents and* have no job*. I realise that seems like I have zero prospects, which is a massive turn off. But being single for so long now is crushing me. It'd be nice if someone gave me their attention for a 15 minute coffee. I'm actually a delightful person.


Ouch....Are you paying child support?


----------



## Steve French

Growing a sick viking beard, to add on to my chest hair and muscles. Becoming manly as all hell. Now I'm off to smoke a cigarette and chop some firewood.


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Haven't been on here in a while but after having a total meltdown a couple weeks ago i've been on medication and using my "don't give a **** attitude" for the first time. I feel better than two weeks ago and things aren't effecting me like they use to. Right now i'm texting a girl who messaged me on the mobile app Tinder. She actually works near my job and i'm pretty sure that she's seen me before at my job but doesn't remember. She's a little on the plus side but i'm not going to let that bother me and see if I can develop a friendship first. I told her about me not having a license and never having a relationship but surprisingly she didn't judge me. She wondered why a guy like myself never had a gf since I'm attractive and pretty funny (her words lol) but thought it was also cute. She also said that she would help me get a license and practice with her car so we'll see where this goes in the future. I'm pretty sure i've seen her at my store before so i'm gonna tell her where I work today to see if she remembers or if her attitude changes but she did say she would tell me upfront if she didn't want to talk anymore so time to play the waiting game.


Congrats man, it sounds like some good things are in the works for you. Enjoy


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Congrats man, it sounds like some good things are in the works for you. Enjoy


Thanks. I hope everything works out


----------



## pete24

I sort of messaged some girl I have seen about a few times. I only spoke to her once or twice in person. The message was me asking if she fancied a few drinks soon.

In theory the girl is probably of or just below my standards so it should be a yes. However as I used to work with someone she knew, she knows too much about me that potential girlfriend's would be put off by. 

Such as that I have been with a fair few women. I'm just gonna see though.


Edit:

Just as I was typing this she replied. Blatantly its a no. Her reply was "That would be good, we shall see" aka "Nope I don't. I'm gonna give a neutral reply to be nice though and won't ever suggest meeting in the hope you forget or feel too pushy to ask again". I put a smiley face reply.

To be fair I reckon I know why it was. It's probably the reason why I have no chance with women in this town. I did mention it before here but it was when I was violently abused by this girl who was always violent and angry when drunk. I never once touched her in any way. When I had enough of her violent outbursts and being smacked in the face I walked away. She hated the fact I had walked so to get her own back she reversed things and told everyone she knew that she had to cut contact with me because I hit her.

Of course people believed her as she was always very manipulative and so far it's cost me a chance with at least 3 local women since although they liked me, they didn't want to risk the chance of being hit by me. pffft


----------



## Zeeshan

Hang in there pete

And a few women, i doubt that very much


----------



## Jesuszilla

I am on a dating hiatus. Can't be bothered with it at the moment.


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

I have been on "hiatus" for 15 years. At 23 you can afford too, but don't wait too long! I wish I was 23 again, so I could do it all over.


----------



## bsd3355

I've been getting lazy lately and using chloroform.


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

bwidger85 said:


> I've been getting lazy lately and using chloroform.


That's the best way to go, man. That's how Ace was able to get a look at one of the rings in Pet Detective . I have an unhealthy obsession with movies and referencing them LOL.


----------



## poky

I'm sorry if this isn't the place to ask for advice/encouragement, but I could use some. I've never had a gf, never had a date, never tried to ask a girl out. This is the first time I'm close to asking a girl on a date, but there's still quite a threshold.

There's this girl who used to be in my class. I occasionally spoke with her, and started to like her. I'm terrible at reading signals, either missing them or thinking they are there but they turn out not to be. For instance, during exams she usually was the first to finish. I usually was second. When I walked towards her she always started to laugh. Not just smile, laugh. Nervousness? Attraction? Making fun of me?

Another example is when waiting at the train station. I had the feeling she was standing close to me. But perhaps here social zone was just smaller than mine.

Anyways, I haven't seen her in person for over a year now. We are facebook friends, and I've tried to start a conversation with her on fb. She gives short answers, and I quickly run out of subjects, so the conversations go nowhere. Again, this can mean two things: Either she doesn't like me, or she is nervous. She's been described as indifferent, which probably means she's insecure.

I know there's only one thing I can do: ask her out. But here's where SA kicks in. As soon as I think about contacting her, I get all kinds of negative thoughts. Perhaps she'll think I'm a weirdo/creep, perhaps she'll make fun of me. What if she says yes, and I ruin the date. What if all goes well, and I make a bad impression on her family (yes, I think that far ahead). Basically, I come up with a shipload of scenarios, and because the negative scenarios heavily outnumber the positive ones, I decide not to act.

So what to do? Should I ask her out right away, or should I try to start a chat conversation with her first?


----------



## Barette

Doesn't sound like she's interested. If she was interested in you she'd start conversations on FB or keep them going. If you run out of subjects it's because she's not offering any, and if she's not offering any, she doesn't want to talk to you. That happening consistently means it's not cause "oh she's in a bad mood/busy/phone dying/whatever" it's just cause she doesn't want to talk to you. It's harsh, but true, especially if she's just giving short and curt answers. Asking her out when she doesn't even want to chat on FB or you haven't even seen her in a year sounds like a big jump, I'm going to say she's not interested.

Edit: Just realized what thread this is. Agghh feels weird posting in the boys' club, ignore me.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

*****ing and leaving them.


----------



## twitchy666

*more constructive*

not poking around randomly

waiting for luck

Often was introduced to people by others and their groups...

Current girlfriend of my nearest friend is Welsh and nice but I know she is either timid and eyerolling when we speak, or has a dislike for me. She's tall and usually stretched out flat on the sofa or perching daintily on a radiator

I am always ready for major rejection. So nice to receive complements

I like to cause humour that's accepted and add to that


----------



## bsd3355

DenizenOfDespair said:


> That's the best way to go, man. That's how Ace was able to get a look at one of the rings in Pet Detective . I have an unhealthy obsession with movies and referencing them LOL.


Every time I think of chloroform I think of this scene! Seriously. lol


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Too many girls, idk what to do with them all.


----------



## jsmith92

I met this girl last year......we talked for about a week and then I got her number..........after that we texted alot and talked to each other for a while and so I asked her if she wanted to hang out one day when we were texting and she said she was "busy". So then one day I friended her on Facebook and she accepted the friend request........one day I decided to comment on one of her pictures saying that the picture was really pretty apparently that wasn't okay and she started distancing herself from me after this.......after this she stopped talking to me mostly.........and then one day we had a half day at school so I walked up and said hi to her and for some reason she was startled when she saw me.............so later that day I asked her to meet me outside of school when we got out for the day and she replied "no".........unfortunately I didn't notice that I had lost cell reception after that point and so I thought she was mad at me and didn't want to talk to me anymore.... disappointed and saddened...i rushed home so that I wouldn't run into her and begin crying in front of the whole school.......as I was walking home and about half way there I received a text saying "in back instead".......she hadn't ignored me and apparently wasn't mad at me.......she just wanted to meet in back instead......so I sent her a text apologizing and left her like three voicemails but she didn't reply.....a couple days later I text her saying that I liked her and was wondering if she felt the same way and she replied just "no" ......so I asked what happened and she said "I have a thing going on with another guy"......ever since then I have been devastated by her and have not been able to talk to any girls........I have lost all my confidence and self esteem......I'm still crushed as I post this.......now I have a crush on one of her friends and this makes me think about what the girl did to me every time I see her friend........I still see both of them in the same class and I hate it so much it sucks I just wish I could've gotten that second message and had cell reception when I was sitting there thinking that she was mad at me.......now I can't even approach my crush because of what happened to me last year......I cannot stand another year of the torture this girl who crushed me has put me through.......I need to move on and get back into the dating world soon or I will never get to know how to be in a relationship ever


----------



## poky

So how about this then: A year ago I subscribed to an online dating site. I never did anything with it, as I had to pay and I was reluctant to put a picture of myself on a dating site. I occasionally get emails with 'suggestions', but as a non-paying member I can't start a conversation with anyone I like. Is it acceptable to search for a person I want to know better on Facebook, and start a conversation there?

I'm pretty comfortable around girls, yet as soon as am interested in a girl I start overanalyzing. Every step needs to be perfect, and I don't want to screw up. So I'm sorry if I come over as a complete noob. I just am.


----------



## jsmith92

poky said:


> So how about this then: A year ago I subscribed to an online dating site. I never did anything with it, as I had to pay and I was reluctant to put a picture of myself on a dating site. I occasionally get emails with 'suggestions', but as a non-paying member I can't start a conversation with anyone I like. Is it acceptable to search for a person I want to know better on Facebook, and start a conversation there?
> 
> I'm pretty comfortable around girls, yet as soon as am interested in a girl I start overanalyzing. Every step needs to be perfect, and I don't want to screw up. So I'm sorry if I come over as a complete noob. I just am.


This is my problem.........I could chat someone on a social networking site all day but as soon as I see them in person I cannot say a single word to them......this is at least how it is for me with girls


----------



## rymo

poky said:


> So how about this then: A year ago I subscribed to an online dating site. I never did anything with it, as I had to pay and I was reluctant to put a picture of myself on a dating site. I occasionally get emails with 'suggestions', but as a non-paying member I can't start a conversation with anyone I like. Is it acceptable to search for a person I want to know better on Facebook, and start a conversation there?
> 
> I'm pretty comfortable around girls, yet as soon as am interested in a girl I start overanalyzing. Every step needs to be perfect, and I don't want to screw up. So I'm sorry if I come over as a complete noob. I just am.


Gotta start somewhere, though. I think the #1 problem in this kind of situation is that guys have all these expectations but no experience to back it up. So they get crushed when they do something they perceive as silly, or if they get rejected even just one time. But just like with anything in life it takes practice before you can get good at talking to women. Unfortunately it can hurt a lot when you get rejected and that does make it harder. But EVERYONE experiences rejection. And when you're not experienced, you will likely face it A LOT.

The only way to get better is to keep trying. Learning from your mistakes. You'll find in most cases that the answer to getting better at this is just to become more comfortable and relaxed about it, and that simply comes with experience.

As for online dating, just use OkCupid. It's the best dating site out there as far as I'm concerned - and it's free.


----------



## pete24

Been thinking about a few things and I have decided that 99% of women are ugly as hell (Especially with this posting a no makeup selfie for cancer research thing thats going on) and I just cant be bothered with investing my time into trying to get a girl. (Bear with me if this post gets a bit long, but it totally makes sense). Some of this I mentioned in another thread but today I had a serious think.

When it comes to the crunch, the norm for people is ugliness. Ugliness comes in all shapes and forms but everyone does have an ugliness to them. Weather it's acne scars, strange eyes or an ugly nose, everyone has at least 1 or 2 ugly features. I'm no exception as I have ugly bags under my eyes and small scarring under my chin (It's not noticeable though unless someone is really close up to me).

For men they simply have to accept and be happy with the face they are born with. Their ugly features are on display at all times for everyone to see (and even judge).

For women though, it's a different situation completely. If they are not happy with the face they are born with, they can just stock up on make-up. Yeah there are some natural beauty's out there or women who use very minimal make-up to boost their best features. However the majority splash it on to give themselves a new and beautiful face. The question here is if a woman is less ugly than everyone else or a rare natural beauty, why would she need to coat her face with 2 layers of foundation, thick lip stick, eye liner and so on?

I just went through about 40 pages of female online dating profiles. At least 9 out of 10 had too much make-up on. I also set myself a mission for the week. I went to Birmingham and London on 2 days and as well as enjoying what the towns had to offer, I was looking to see the amount of women with excessive make-up on in the street or at bars.... The figure was 9/10 again.

This is the problem with dating. It's like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Thinking you have found a girl you are attracted to, but finding out later when the make-up comes off that she just isn't what you are after.

Also it's the attitudes they seem to have. Women who beautify themselves with make-up have turned "beautiful" with no effort. They are often not modest about their looks, become too picky and even believe they now deserve someone who is less ugly than the rest. They are happy to be picky and maybe turn a guy down because of his visible ugly features. The reality though is they probably have even uglier features, but the make-up that covers their face gives them some kind of ego and even helps them forget about their own ugliness.

I can handle rejection. However it makes me mad when the rejection is based on my 1 or 2 physical "ugly" features by some girl who more than likely has even more ugly features under her make-up.










^ That is an example I found online via google picture searches. I have encountered women just like that. If they accepted themselves and went around natural, I probably wouldn't be interested in them. With make-up on though, they probably wouldn't be interested in me.


----------



## bsd3355

^This girl has some acne. Whoopie-do! This girl is pretty. Your standards are ridiculous.

Last I checked, most girls don't have acne this bad. Also, if you can't see that this girl is pretty then I don't know what to say bro. She's prettier than most girls in my opinion.


----------



## bsd3355

So, for the amount of girls I've approached and got numbers from in the past on campus, I been doing really crappy lately. I haven't got one number in like 3 weeks, but I haven't been pushing myself at all hardly either.

Lately I've started a new project on making money on the side and have been putting a lot of my attention on that. I'm not really interested in casual dating anymore. If I do meet some girls soon then my interest will be on getting a girlfriend. Sure, I'll still get rejected a **** ton, but that's kind of normal when it comes to dating to be honest, so I expect it.

As far as actually getting things done with meeting girls, I need to step up my game and take more chances. I am not taking the right level of chances for anything to happen.


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

Even though I'm quite happy with my life right now and being alone doesn't bother me anymore there are times when I think about putting myself out there more to possibly develop a relationship with someone to enrich my life further. Right now I don't think it'd be very fair of me to do though since I'm so focused on my music. My free time is usually occupied by me writing and practicing my vocals and hanging out with friends on weekends. That and right now I'm really enjoying my new found self-respect and just enjoying music, literature and spending time with good friends since that is what makes me really happy.


----------



## poky

rymo said:


> Gotta start somewhere, though. I think the #1 problem in this kind of situation is that guys have all these expectations but no experience to back it up. So they get crushed when they do something they perceive as silly, or if they get rejected even just one time. But just like with anything in life it takes practice before you can get good at talking to women. Unfortunately it can hurt a lot when you get rejected and that does make it harder. But EVERYONE experiences rejection. And when you're not experienced, you will likely face it A LOT.
> 
> The only way to get better is to keep trying. Learning from your mistakes. You'll find in most cases that the answer to getting better at this is just to become more comfortable and relaxed about it, and that simply comes with experience.
> 
> As for online dating, just use OkCupid. It's the best dating site out there as far as I'm concerned - and it's free.


But is it considered creepy if you do a 5 minute google search for someone you'd like to know better? I ask this because there aren't many free, Dutch dating sites. The one I know is filled with adverts for prostitutes and fake profiles leading to other, rather shabby dating sites.

But even paying for a site only gets me halfway. Both members have to be paying members to read and write messages to others. It's rather easy to find the facebook profiles of most of these girls. I live in a rural area, so all you need is first name, age and village. But like I said, I'm hesitant. Personally, I wouldn't mind if someone tried to contact me like I described above, but I'm a guy.

I can come up with arguments for both sides. A argument in favor of contacting is that the girls are looking for a date, they put some of their personal information on a dating site, and a picture (or multiple). So they should be a bit serious about it, and therefor shouldn't mind the way I contact them online.

On the other hand, they might not even be aware that it's that easy to find them on facebook, and might be uncomfortable that I get all the info they share that easily.

Above is the result of thinking about something and then catastrophizing to a point where I completely freeze. I don't have to tell you how debilitating that is. My biggest irrational fear is that they see me as a creep, and somehow this idea spreads to the rest of the world, leading to me being completely isolated.


----------



## rymo

poky said:


> But is it considered creepy if you do a 5 minute google search for someone you'd like to know better? I ask this because there aren't many free, Dutch dating sites. The one I know is filled with adverts for prostitutes and fake profiles leading to other, rather shabby dating sites.
> 
> But even paying for a site only gets me halfway. Both members have to be paying members to read and write messages to others. It's rather easy to find the facebook profiles of most of these girls. I live in a rural area, so all you need is first name, age and village. But like I said, I'm hesitant. Personally, I wouldn't mind if someone tried to contact me like I described above, but I'm a guy.
> 
> I can come up with arguments for both sides. A argument in favor of contacting is that the girls are looking for a date, they put some of their personal information on a dating site, and a picture (or multiple). So they should be a bit serious about it, and therefor shouldn't mind the way I contact them online.
> 
> On the other hand, they might not even be aware that it's that easy to find them on facebook, and might be uncomfortable that I get all the info they share that easily.
> 
> Above is the result of thinking about something and then catastrophizing to a point where I completely freeze. I don't have to tell you how debilitating that is. My biggest irrational fear is that they see me as a creep, and somehow this idea spreads to the rest of the world, leading to me being completely isolated.


Well every debilitating fear starts with a small seed, sometimes rational and sometimes not. In this case, your excessive fear is starting from something rational. No, you should not contact a girl via Facebook. Yes, it is creepy.

No one around you is on OkCupid? I'm surprised. But if paying for a dating site is the only option, why not just go for it and see what happens?


----------



## pete24

bwidger85 said:


> ^This girl has some acne. Whoopie-do! This girl is pretty. Your standards are ridiculous.
> 
> Last I checked, most girls don't have acne this bad. Also, if you can't see that this girl is pretty then I don't know what to say bro. She's prettier than most girls in my opinion.


This was an example mate. It's not about my standards. Its the jump from levels of attractiveness.How do you know most don't have acne that bad? Hiding stuff like that is 1 of the uses of make-up.

It's a double standard type of situation. A guy with acne or other facial imperfection's will often be judged on it (Nobody can say that those imperfections alone won't be a dealbreaker for anyone), but a girl with the same imperfections can hide them with make-up.

Attraction and personality are equally as important. I'm realistic when it comes to knowing what sort of woman I would stand a chance with looks wise. Chances are if I am trying to get a girl, the girl will have make-up all over her face as most do these days. 1 girl may seem my type with make-up on, but when it comes off I could realise I fancied her make-up, not her.

It feel's like a waste of time putting in effort to get with someone I possibly won't be attracted to when the make-up comes off. Equally it's a bit off putting being shot down by someone because I am not attractive enough for them when under the make-up they are worse looking than me


----------



## TheRob

This year marks eight years since my last date. Man, that is depressing. The 4:30 a.m. alarms don't help, and therefore, I am on hiatus. If any woman agrees to a date, I will do cartwheels, and trust me, you will want to see the spectacle.


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Been thinking about a few things and I have decided that 99% of women are ugly as hell (Especially with this posting a no makeup selfie for cancer research thing thats going on) and I just cant be bothered with investing my time into trying to get a girl. (Bear with me if this post gets a bit long, but it totally makes sense). Some of this I mentioned in another thread but today I had a serious think.
> 
> When it comes to the crunch, the norm for people is ugliness. Ugliness comes in all shapes and forms but everyone does have an ugliness to them. Weather it's acne scars, strange eyes or an ugly nose, everyone has at least 1 or 2 ugly features. I'm no exception as I have ugly bags under my eyes and small scarring under my chin (It's not noticeable though unless someone is really close up to me).
> 
> For men they simply have to accept and be happy with the face they are born with. Their ugly features are on display at all times for everyone to see (and even judge).
> 
> For women though, it's a different situation completely. If they are not happy with the face they are born with, they can just stock up on make-up. Yeah there are some natural beauty's out there or women who use very minimal make-up to boost their best features. However the majority splash it on to give themselves a new and beautiful face. The question here is if a woman is less ugly than everyone else or a rare natural beauty, why would she need to coat her face with 2 layers of foundation, thick lip stick, eye liner and so on?
> 
> I just went through about 40 pages of female online dating profiles. At least 9 out of 10 had too much make-up on. I also set myself a mission for the week. I went to Birmingham and London on 2 days and as well as enjoying what the towns had to offer, I was looking to see the amount of women with excessive make-up on in the street or at bars.... The figure was 9/10 again.
> 
> This is the problem with dating. It's like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Thinking you have found a girl you are attracted to, but finding out later when the make-up comes off that she just isn't what you are after.
> 
> Also it's the attitudes they seem to have. Women who beautify themselves with make-up have turned "beautiful" with no effort. They are often not modest about their looks, become too picky and even believe they now deserve someone who is less ugly than the rest. They are happy to be picky and maybe turn a guy down because of his visible ugly features. The reality though is they probably have even uglier features, but the make-up that covers their face gives them some kind of ego and even helps them forget about their own ugliness.
> 
> I can handle rejection. However it makes me mad when the rejection is based on my 1 or 2 physical "ugly" features by some girl who more than likely has even more ugly features under her make-up.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ^ That is an example I found online via google picture searches. I have encountered women just like that. If they accepted themselves and went around natural, I probably wouldn't be interested in them. With make-up on though, they probably wouldn't be interested in me.


Without makeup she is pretty damn ugly wow woof


----------



## londonguy202

jsmith92 said:


> Without makeup she is pretty damn ugly wow woof


lol, I would take her with or without makeup. Shes gorgeous


----------



## rymo

It's pretty easy to tell if a girl is attractive without makeup on. But I don't see what that has to do with getting a girl? Girls wear makeup - so what? Get over it.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> It's pretty easy to tell if a girl is attractive without makeup on. But I don't see what that has to do with getting a girl? Girls wear makeup - so what? Get over it.


Exactly this makeup stuff had nothing to do with getting a girl.....why was it posted????


----------



## jsmith92

Today I realized that by not lying to myself anymore and saying that I did nothing wrong to mess up a relationship I almost had last year I have found that I have begun to feel a lot better..........I thought about what happened and realized that this whole time I have been blaming the girl because I couldn't face the fact that I had made a mistake and that is why I was rejected........now I can finally face the truth and am ready to move on.........I think I have finally found what is holding me back and it was that I couldn't face the truth and was making excuses for myself


----------



## DenizenOfDespair

jsmith92 said:


> Today I realized that by not lying to myself anymore and saying that I did nothing wrong to mess up a relationship I almost had last year I have found that I have begun to feel a lot better..........I thought about what happened and realized that this whole time I have been blaming the girl because I couldn't face the fact that I had made a mistake and that is why I was rejected........now I can finally face the truth and am ready to move on.........I think I have finally found what is holding me back and it was that I couldn't face the truth and was making excuses for myself


That's awesome that you've been able to do that, man! Revealing the lies we tell to ourselves is so important I believe. That has been what has helped me a hell of a lot


----------



## jsmith92

DenizenOfDespair said:


> That's awesome that you've been able to do that, man! Revealing the lies we tell to ourselves is so important I believe. That has been what has helped me a hell of a lot


Yeah every time I say it I feel pretty happy.....because I can learn from this mistake and move on


----------



## pete24

jsmith92 said:


> Exactly this makeup stuff had nothing to do with getting a girl.....why was it posted????


Lmao. Because it was relevant to what I was saying about ME getting a girl.

The point seems to be missed.

Relevant to the thread? Well other guys have said in this thread "I'm doing nothing" or "Girls hate me so I won't bother".

It turns things from what I should or am doing to get a girl, to is it worth me trying to get a girl when there's a good chance I won't like what I see when she feels natural around me and doesn't wear make-up?

It's not vain its an essential part of things. If you are not attracted to someone as well as liking their personality, what's the point?

Yeah it is easy to tell if you are attracted to them without make-up on. However in public, most want to look their best and on a date they want to look even better. So the only time you will see them without make-up is after you have agreed to a relationship.

This is 1 of the reasons why I am thinking about not doing anything to get a girl, because I feel these days that the dating scene is fake... I date a girl who has a great personality and I'm attracted to. All goes well, we agree to a relationship but then she stays over, feels relaxed, doesn't wear much make-up and I see her naturally. I then realise i'm not actually attracted to her, subconsciously make minimal effort or feel embarrassed about being with her and soon after stuff end's.

A waste of x amount I paid during the dates and to meet up when actually if I saw her natural looks to start with, I could of made a more informed choice and saved myself the bother


----------



## anyoldkindofday

I guess I'm hoping that by enjoying my life not worrying so much anymore I'll find someone eventually. I'm wondering if I should be putting more effort into it, but to me everything always has to feel natural, so I'm not sure if it'd work for me without a girl showing some interest first...

I guess I'm fine being alone for now, but it'd be a pity if I never find anyone just because I didn't put enough effort in.


----------



## pete24

Yes anyoldkindofday, putting in more effort does increase your chances.

Minimal/no effort = 0% chance or with minimal effort a 5% chance probably. Putting in more effort maximises these chances. After you make the effort, things can feel natural. Like idk, you make the effort to meet someone, then it can be natural like easy going phone calls, ease of chatting to them. Its about that initial effort though


----------



## pete24

Iv had a blowout of a night.

So get this. After what I was saying earlier. A girl messaged me on POF and :O :O, shes a rare no make-up beauty. Nice figure, gorgeous face and a load of similarity's. Saw pics without make-up and yes... Hot.

Anyways. She claims I am really cute and after a few messages and adding each other on fb she said she wants to meet me :O :O.

As I had a few beers I asked if we could chat on phone and she agreed :O. We spoke for ages, so long in fact that her battery died. Nothing was awkward. Constant flow of convo. 

She wants me to travel to her town (about 40 mins away) and meet up on Monday :O :O.



This is where I am screwed and think I have no chance. She is really hot, is into fitness, is only 21 (Maturity is a factory, plus from recent experiences, 21 year old's dont exactly know what they want).

When she uploads a pic, she has something like 20 likes on the pic. 90% guys, most are gym buff muscle guys.

Like i'm gonna have a chance... 13 stone, thin, weak and due to SA I will screw it up before we even meet.

Ah well, at least I spoke on the phone with her and was called "cute" lol. Plus told "You seem like an amazing guy and I know this is forward but I'd like to have a date with you."


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Well I don't really know where I am on the effort-scale.

I work on being the best person I can (within the limits of staying myself) and I work out aswell. I do flirt if I find a girl attractive, but I wouldn't really make a move unless they were to give a clear indication that they wanted me to. I guess I just don't want to get turned down in front of all my friends, by a girl who is also a good friend. (I want something to come out of friendship, makes me feel more comfortable)

I guess I also plain don't like the whole actively going after girls thing because my roommate for example just talks to every (semi-attractive) girl at a party until he can find one that wants to go home with him, and if he doesn't take anyone home it's a failed night for him. I wouldn't want to get into that mindset and I'm also looking for something somewhat lasting, I don't want to come across as looking for a quick **** giving a girl the wrong impression.


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Lmao. Because it was relevant to what I was saying about ME getting a girl.
> 
> The point seems to be missed.
> 
> Relevant to the thread? Well other guys have said in this thread "I'm doing nothing" or "Girls hate me so I won't bother".
> 
> It turns things from what I should or am doing to get a girl, to is it worth me trying to get a girl when there's a good chance I won't like what I see when she feels natural around me and doesn't wear make-up?
> 
> It's not vain its an essential part of things. If you are not attracted to someone as well as liking their personality, what's the point?
> 
> Yeah it is easy to tell if you are attracted to them without make-up on. However in public, most want to look their best and on a date they want to look even better. So the only time you will see them without make-up is after you have agreed to a relationship.
> 
> This is 1 of the reasons why I am thinking about not doing anything to get a girl, because I feel these days that the dating scene is fake... I date a girl who has a great personality and I'm attracted to. All goes well, we agree to a relationship but then she stays over, feels relaxed, doesn't wear much make-up and I see her naturally. I then realise i'm not actually attracted to her, subconsciously make minimal effort or feel embarrassed about being with her and soon after stuff end's.
> 
> A waste of x amount I paid during the dates and to meet up when actually if I saw her natural looks to start with, I could of made a more informed choice and saved myself the bother


Yes I agree.........now I see what you were getting at......if a girl is ugly and not physically attractive to me....I will run like hell.......she has no chance with me...........but if she's pretty I'll at least consider talking to her


----------



## Brandeezy

The tinder girl isn't my cup of tea physically. She's cute but on the overweight side and not by a little either (which i don't mind). She uses those Myspace angles in her pics. Even though that's the case i'm not gonna leave her cut and dry since it's good to have at least a friend but romantically it's not going to work unfortunately. Sucks too :/ guess i have to keep searching and hope to get lucky


----------



## jsmith92

I got the looks even though I tell myself I don't.......last year I went to my friends school dance (she goes to a private school) and she was part of a group that was supposed to go to dinner together before the dance but when she posted pics of me and her together on Facebook, the other girls kicked her out of the group because I was hotter than the other guys that they had as dates and they were jealous......its kind of amusing actually......that confirms the looks part for me..........but anyway my personality is there, its just that I am too hard on myself........I have found that the reason I have been depressed is because I haven't been exercising lately.....this week and last week I went to soccer practice......my 16th birthday was this weekend.........now that I'm 16 I think I'm going to start fresh........I'm moving on from the crush I have on this one girl and am just going to start talking to people and see what happens.......I have found that by actively pursuing a relationship with a girl I usually am too desperate and clingy........this messes it up for me and it just doesn't work out........I'm going to learn from these mistakes and try again......today on the bus I saw this really cute freshman girl........she sat right behind me at the stop before mine so I didn't think I had enough time to talk to her......but I still could've said hi and introduced myself probably....but anyway if I see her on the bus again I will definitely say hi and strike up a conversation...... It's time for jsmith92 to get back in the game......from now on I'm not going to imagine a conversation with a girl....I'm actually going to talk to them......the imagining creates a false perception of what the girl is like which makes a problem if that doesn't match up with reality


----------



## Pearson99

Seeing a psychiatrist, staying fit, seeking friends, finding hobbies. I should just focus on getting a life right now.


----------



## Brandeezy

Its been a crazy 2 weeks. Ive met 2 girls off Tender and both of them like me. One wants to have a fwb relationship and the other wants a gf/bf thing. The fwb girl has a bf whos locked up til October so she just wants us to be ****/smoke buddies which im cool with. We have rules lined out since we live a block away from one another and kno some of the same ppl, so everytime we meet its gonna be after dark. She said today that we might be able to mess around but shes really blunt. Like she asked me about what porn i watch, how long is my tool, my fav positions etc. even tho we were sittinf next to eachother in her car smoking. The other chick i met at a ice cream spot and we talked for a 2hrs almost. Shes really cool, body wise shes not that great except in the chest area lol but her personality makes up for it. We're suppose to go out again this week, maybe for a movie.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Its been a crazy 2 weeks. Ive met 2 girls off Tender and both of them like me. One wants to have a fwb relationship and the other wants a gf/bf thing. The fwb girl has a bf whos locked up til October so she just wants us to be ****/smoke buddies which im cool with. We have rules lined out since we live a block away from one another and kno some of the same ppl, so everytime we meet its gonna be after dark. She said today that we might be able to mess around but shes really blunt. Like she asked me about what porn i watch, how long is my tool, my fav positions etc. even tho we were sittinf next to eachother in her car smoking. The other chick i met at a ice cream spot and we talked for a 2hrs almost. Shes really cool, body wise shes not that great except in the chest area lol but her personality makes up for it. We're suppose to go out again this week, maybe for a movie.


My man, enjoy the ride and hope whatever you choose works out. It's nice when things go well.


----------



## jsmith92

Brandeezy said:


> Its been a crazy 2 weeks. Ive met 2 girls off Tender and both of them like me. One wants to have a fwb relationship and the other wants a gf/bf thing. The fwb girl has a bf whos locked up til October so she just wants us to be ****/smoke buddies which im cool with. We have rules lined out since we live a block away from one another and kno some of the same ppl, so everytime we meet its gonna be after dark. She said today that we might be able to mess around but shes really blunt. Like she asked me about what porn i watch, how long is my tool, my fav positions etc. even tho we were sittinf next to eachother in her car smoking. The other chick i met at a ice cream spot and we talked for a 2hrs almost. Shes really cool, body wise shes not that great except in the chest area lol but her personality makes up for it. We're suppose to go out again this week, maybe for a movie.


Lucky as hell.....damn


----------



## Brandeezy

Not really, the problem is that im attracted to the relationship girl sexually. Like i cant see myself bringing her around my family or introducing her to ppl i know. The only option i have is to either keep her around as a friend or have her be a fwb like the other girl who's not looking for a relationship. Im stuck tbh


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Not really, the problem is that im attracted to the relationship girl sexually. Like i cant see myself bringing her around my family or introducing her to ppl i know. The only option i have is to either keep her around as a friend or have her be a fwb like the other girl who's not looking for a relationship. Im stuck tbh


You're not stuck budddy. Like Jesuszilla said, enjoy the ride. Turn off the brain and have some fun, get some experience under your belt, don't try to force anything. Just let things happen naturally and enjoy the moment.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> You're not stuck budddy. Like Jesuszilla said, enjoy the ride. Turn off the brain and have some fun, get some experience under your belt, don't try to force anything. Just let things happen naturally and enjoy the moment.


Good stuff.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> You're not stuck budddy. Like Jesuszilla said, enjoy the ride. Turn off the brain and have some fun, get some experience under your belt, don't try to force anything. Just let things happen naturally and enjoy the moment.


Thanks, i will do that and update you guys


----------



## NoHeart

I just be my swagalicious self and watch the *****es flock to me like flies to a big smelly turd


----------



## Jesuszilla

I was going to stop dating for a while and work on myself, but screw that I have a date coming up Saturday. Hope it goes well.


----------



## srschirm

Jesuszilla said:


> I was going to stop dating for a while and work on myself, but screw that I have a date coming up Saturday. Hope it goes well.


Work on yourself while you date bro.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> I was going to stop dating for a while and work on myself, but screw that I have a date coming up Saturday. Hope it goes well.


You are one lucky son of a *****.......good job man


----------



## Brandeezy

The girl who wants an relationship is responding less and less even though she said she liked me after our date. It use to be that I would send her texts and she would respond immediately or she would send me spontaneous texts everyday. Now we barely talk at all, like today we've texted back n forth about 3 or 4 times in the span of 12hrs or so. I don't really mind since I really didn't find her that attractive and she talks a little bit too much in person. We had a movie date planned Saturday but I don't think it's gonna happen. I had to ask her twice if she wanted to go since she ignored me the first time, oh well...

As far as the FWB girl goes, we've been hanging out smoking these pass couple nights and tomorrow she said that she'll see if her Roommate is gone so I can "come over" and finally do the deed lol. She told me again that it's strictly a sex/smoke thing and nothing else since she technically is in an relationship, but I wasn't looking for a relationship with her in the first place. She wants me to spend the night though since i'm off Saturday but I can't since my grandmother doesn't know about her and every time I see her, I tell my gma that i'm going running or to the store for a while. I can't imagine telling her that i'm meeting up with some chick to have sex and smoke lol. I wish I was still living with my dad or mom though because they're not overprotective like my grandmother.

Before I came out here, I would go to my friend's house at like 8pm and come home at 2am-3am almost everyday and my mom didn't care as long as I told her I made it home but most of the time she would be sleep. Sometimes I didn't even feel like going home so I would spend the night at one of my friend's houses then go home in the morning. I was 17-18 doing this, where as here I can't do none of that even though i'm 24 years old, which is stupid. I feel like I have a curfew smh. I tell her i'm not a little kid but she doesn't listen and makes everything into a argument, I want to move out but it's way too expensive out here to live on your own unfortunately.

In the end though I'm still looking for a relationship and I'm thinking about asking a coworker to help me out since he knows a lot of the women who shop at our store who are very attractive. His female friends on his FB are pretty attractive too. This seems like an easier route then Online since I would have someone to vouch for me. We'll see...


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> The girl who wants an relationship is responding less and less even though she said she liked me after our date. It use to be that I would send her texts and she would respond immediately or she would send me spontaneous texts everyday. Now we barely talk at all, like today we've texted back n forth about 3 or 4 times in the span of 12hrs or so. I don't really mind since I really didn't find her that attractive and she talks a little bit too much in person. We had a movie date planned Saturday but I don't think it's gonna happen. I had to ask her twice if she wanted to go since she ignored me the first time, oh well...
> 
> As far as the FWB girl goes, we've been hanging out smoking these pass couple nights and tomorrow she said that she'll see if her Roommate is gone so I can "come over" and finally do the deed lol. She told me again that it's strictly a sex/smoke thing and nothing else since she technically is in an relationship, but I wasn't looking for a relationship with her in the first place. She wants me to spend the night though since i'm off Saturday but I can't since my grandmother doesn't know about her and every time I see her, I tell my gma that i'm going running or to the store for a while. I can't imagine telling her that i'm meeting up with some chick to have sex and smoke lol. I wish I was still living with my dad or mom though because they're not overprotective like my grandmother.
> 
> Before I came out here, I would go to my friend's house at like 8pm and come home at 2am-3am almost everyday and my mom didn't care as long as I told her I made it home but most of the time she would be sleep. Sometimes I didn't even feel like going home so I would spend the night at one of my friend's houses then go home in the morning. I was 17-18 doing this, where as here I can't do none of that even though i'm 24 years old, which is stupid. I feel like I have a curfew smh. I tell her i'm not a little kid but she doesn't listen and makes everything into a argument, I want to move out but it's way too expensive out here to live on your own unfortunately.
> 
> In the end though I'm still looking for a relationship and I'm thinking about asking a coworker to help me out since he knows a lot of the women who shop at our store who are very attractive. His female friends on his FB are pretty attractive too. This seems like an easier route then Online since I would have someone to vouch for me. We'll see...


Seems like you're being super proactive, which is great. I like the new attitude bro 

How come you don't live with your parents anymore, if you don't mind me asking?

By the way, I think the best way to deal with an over-protective parent or grandparent is to not argue with them and just focus on showing them you're responsible and all that. They will never relent if you are combative with them, it will only make it worse. So you either gotta go the super-patient route and wait it out, or move away. If you're gonna eventually move anyway, then it only causes you agita to get into arguments (not saying it's your fault, but older people can be very stuck in their ways). So just let her be over-protective and she will worry less and gradually let more stuff slide.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> Seems like you're being super proactive, which is great. I like the new attitude bro
> 
> *How come you don't live with your parents anymore, if you don't mind me asking?*
> 
> By the way, I think the best way to deal with an over-protective parent or grandparent is to not argue with them and just focus on showing them you're responsible and all that. They will never relent if you are combative with them, it will only make it worse. So you either gotta go the super-patient route and wait it out, or move away. If you're gonna eventually move anyway, then it only causes you agita to get into arguments (not saying it's your fault, but older people can be very stuck in their ways). So just let her be over-protective and she will worry less and gradually let more stuff slide.


They live in GA and I live in CA but I moved out here to help my grandmother out


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> They live in GA and I live in CA but I moved out here to help my grandmother out


What a guy


----------



## pete24

Had that date with the no make-up beauty kind of chick the other day. Sucked really. Her whole attitude stank. The date actually went really well. After she left she messaged me saying how much she enjoyed it and wanted to meet again... I told her no (In a nicer way that just no but that was the idea).

Problem with her is everything she does has to be for attention. She's the sort of girl to upload a really nice picture on facebook and describe it as "I look so vile here", even though she knows she doesn't but describes it as that to get loads of guys to "like" and compliment her picture. That's how she's generally like.... Aka, not for me.

Tomorrow is meant to be a date with someone else but I just cant be bothered. She's from a dating site and suggested meeting. 1 or 2 of her pictures seem ok but the majority are yuck. 

Yeah possibly I should go just in case. To be fair though, without any initial attraction I cant see myself forming a relationship with her and so it will just be a waste of £40.


----------



## lunarc

Creepily staring at them from behind bushes and stuff.


----------



## Jesuszilla

So this girl won't be in town tomorrow. I'm okay with this because she still actively texting me after canceling so I know it's not a lie.


----------



## AussiePea

I'm just being patient with my fingers crossed.


----------



## Brandeezy

Just lost my v-card with the FWB girl. It wasn't too bad, apparently I'm a great kisser and know how to please down low. I lost my erection a lot though and kept slipping out but I eventually got my release lol. Don't know when we will do it again though even though she seemed to enjoy it more than me. Didn't strap up either because of the heat of the moment, which was foolish of me so the next time i'mma make sure I do


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Just lost my v-card with the FWB girl. It wasn't too bad, apparently I'm a great kisser and know how to please down low. I lost my erection a lot though and kept slipping out but I eventually got my release lol. Don't know when we will do it again though even though she seemed to enjoy it more than me. Didn't strap up either because of the heat of the moment, which was foolish of me so the next time i'mma make sure I do


:clap Brandeezy is the man. Congrats. I hope for more of that for you in the future.


----------



## ravens

Brandeezy said:


> Just lost my v-card with the FWB girl. It wasn't too bad, apparently I'm a great kisser and know how to please down low. I lost my erection a lot though and kept slipping out but I eventually got my release lol. Don't know when we will do it again though even though she seemed to enjoy it more than me. Didn't strap up either because of the heat of the moment, which was foolish of me so the next time i'mma make sure I do


Congrats man.


----------



## Brandeezy

^^^Thanks guys


----------



## villadb

Ha I have no idea what the hell is going on with this girl. We've gone out for lunch during work a couple of times and we went swimming together the other week. She wants to go again on Tuesday and wants to go to Aquafit on Thursday as well. Yesterday she said how funny I am and she said I have a nice smile. She even posted something on my Facebook wall the other day about our chances of winning the monopoly game at McDonalds. Things are starting to add up but I think she's basically shagging someone else that works with us from time to time when he's not at uni. Now is that just casual and she likes me? Am I just a dependable friend? I don't want to cock it up and make a fool of myself because she is one of two or three people that I actually socialise with. I think I might first slip in a question about the other guy first and see what she says.


----------



## rymo

villadb said:


> Ha I have no idea what the hell is going on with this girl. We've gone out for lunch during work a couple of times and we went swimming together the other week. She wants to go again on Tuesday and wants to go to Aquafit on Thursday as well. Yesterday she said how funny I am and she said I have a nice smile. She even posted something on my Facebook wall the other day about our chances of winning the monopoly game at McDonalds. Things are starting to add up but I think she's basically shagging someone else that works with us from time to time when he's not at uni. Now is that just casual and she likes me? Am I just a dependable friend? I don't want to cock it up and make a fool of myself because she is one of two or three people that I actually socialise with. I think I might first slip in a question about the other guy first and see what she says.


Bad move. Don't mention the other guy, because it's really none of your business. Plus it might make you look jealous, even if that's not the case. Just focus on your own relationship with her, and take her out for a drink one night and go for a kiss. Best way to find out where you stand, and what's the worst that could happen?


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Just lost my v-card with the FWB girl. It wasn't too bad, apparently I'm a great kisser and know how to please down low. I lost my erection a lot though and kept slipping out but I eventually got my release lol. Don't know when we will do it again though even though she seemed to enjoy it more than me. Didn't strap up either because of the heat of the moment, which was foolish of me so the next time i'mma make sure I do


----------



## rymo

failoutboy said:


> Are you making fun of him? I think he said she was overweight...


----------



## Brandeezy

failoutboy said:


> Are you making fun of him? I think he said she was overweight...


Lol he means that it looked hard but was really easy


----------



## PatheticGuy

I'm gorging on chocolate cake, letting my hair grow to wild man lengths, and huddling in a hut in the woods letting misogyny fester. Chicks come running for hairy fat misogynist hermit woodsmen, right?


----------



## Jesuszilla

PatheticGuy said:


> I'm gorging on chocolate cake, letting my hair grow to wild man lengths, and huddling in a hut in the woods letting misogyny fester. Chicks come running for hairy fat misogynist hermit woodsmen, right?


I've been meaning to ask why are you so bitter?


----------



## PatheticGuy

Who says I'm bitter.


----------



## nothing else

After the 1,533rd girl says they aren't interested in you, you end up doing nothing about it and realize you're undesirable by every girl.


----------



## Canucklehead

Straight not giving a ****, if it happens it happens sirs.

I'm kind of enjoying the freedom at this point.


----------



## pete24

jsmith92 said:


> Yes I agree.........now I see what you were getting at......if a girl is ugly and not physically attractive to me....I will run like hell.......she has no chance with me...........but if she's pretty I'll at least consider talking to her


Far from it to some extent.

Long term wise it is looks and personality equally. If you don't find a girl attractive, whats the point? It's only going to be months down the line where you are used to her, feel you can do better and stuff goes to pot.

Same thing if she doesn't have a personality you are after. It will probably collapse. It's about getting the balance right.

Progress yet again. Got a date on Thurs, I don't want to get too drunk though and go on about a relationship as I have another date next week... With a teacher. Next weeks date will be more of a challenge.


----------



## rymo

nothing else said:


> After the 1,533rd girl says they aren't interested in you, you end up doing nothing about it and realize you're undesirable by every girl.


Some girl literally came up to you and said she wasn't interested?


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Some girl literally came up to you and said she wasn't interested?


I doubt someone would be that rude


----------



## Putin

I was supposed to meet this girl last week who I met on POF, but of course she flaked. Oh well, I still have masturbation and hookers to look forward too.


----------



## bsd3355

jsmith92 said:


> I doubt someone would be that rude


Oh no, it happens.


----------



## villadb

rymo said:


> Bad move. Don't mention the other guy, because it's really none of your business. Plus it might make you look jealous, even if that's not the case. Just focus on your own relationship with her, and take her out for a drink one night and go for a kiss. Best way to find out where you stand, and what's the worst that could happen?


Well we just went swimming and I completely forgot to even talk about it so probably just as well. I think she enjoyed it again and we were there for a bit longer this week. There's still a part of me that over-analyses everything though, it's so annoying. We sort of left it open for going to Aquafit on Thursday, which in truth I'll feel a bit of a knob doing as I am likely to be the only bloke there. I might ask her if she wants to go for lunch instead, it would be a bit more personal.


----------



## jsmith92

I really want to talk to this girl but I keep chickening out......I guess I'm just going to sit and watch her be taken by somebody else........nothing new for me.......its what always happens


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> I really want to talk to this girl but I keep chickening out......I guess I'm just going to sit and watch her be taken by somebody else........nothing new for me.......its what always happens


You can only blame yourself if you make that decision.


----------



## pete24

Date with teacher pushed forward. It's now the end of the week. I really do have a good feeling about her to be honest. 

When I started posting in this thread people were saying how pushing for a phone call with a girl was a good move. I never rolled that way. However now though I always try and phone some girl i'm chatting with online. I think that is what pushed the date forward with this girl. I made the move to chat on the phone, she really enjoyed our 4 hour chat and has decided she wants to meet sooner.

I feel a bit nervous though as she must be a good people person to be a teacher... I'm just some mumbling person with SA


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> You can only blame yourself if you make that decision.


Ya myself and my stupid ****ed up personality......not a single girl has even taken interest in me since last year.........I have socially isolated myself since 6th grade....if I hadn't been bullied all throughout elementary and middle school and even now......I would be fine...but yet I am stuck with zero confidence with girls and I just am stuck watching the girls I am interested in be taken away as I said before......all the *******s have zero trouble talking to girls....I don't get it at all ...why am I stuck like this.....every time I try to change my low confidence just pushes me back...........its not fair........ I have tried so many times to change it and it is not working at all


----------



## bsd3355

jsmith92 said:


> Ya myself and my stupid ****ed up personality......not a single girl has even taken interest in me since last year.........I have socially isolated myself since 6th grade....if I hadn't been bullied all throughout elementary and middle school and even now......I would be fine...but yet I am stuck with zero confidence with girls and I just am stuck watching the girls I am interested in be taken away as I said before......all the *******s have zero trouble talking to girls....I don't get it at all ...why am I stuck like this.....every time I try to change my low confidence just pushes me back...........its not fair........ I have tried so many times to change it and it is not working at all


Have some personal gusto. Realize that it's up to you. Would you rather sit alone and wallow assuming "you aren't good enough" or that "something is wrong with me", or are you going to realize that the only way to make it work is to take responsibility and go after it?

If you don't believe you can succeed then I would recommend you find some mentors anywhere that have what you want and try to model what they did. Get inspired; believe it can happen. Believe that what they did you can do. Then go out there and keep trying and keep reading up on POSITIVE motivational inspiration to keep you going. Eventually you should realize that it is possible and that you are capable.

I feel less and less motivated to motivate others because most of the resources are out there if you just look for it. Feels like what I'm saying is taken lightly and just thrown in one ear and out the other. Everything you need to know to make it happen is online. So many resources out there.


----------



## PatheticGuy

pete24 said:


> Date with teacher pushed forward. It's now the end of the week. I really do have a good feeling about her to be honest.
> 
> When I started posting in this thread people were saying how pushing for a phone call with a girl was a good move. I never rolled that way. However now though I always try and phone some girl i'm chatting with online. I think that is what pushed the date forward with this girl. I made the move to chat on the phone, she really enjoyed our 4 hour chat and has decided she wants to meet sooner.
> 
> I feel a bit nervous though as she must be a good people person to be a teacher... I'm just some mumbling person with SA


Four hours on the phone? **** that three hours and fifty five minutes more than I could ever stand, forever alone confirmation now over 120%.


----------



## pete24

To be honest mate, it goes amazingly quick. Think of it this way... If it's someone you could potentially be with, you will have a lot in common. It's hard to explain but during the conversation you will be able to relate to a lot of things they say.

They might say about an old music track they like and you also like but had forgot about... Then you can build the convo by saying "I haven't heard that track since xyz happened", then go on to talk about that.

I was thinking oh s*** after when she went because I had used up way beyond my monthly minutes. It didn't even feel like we were talking for 30 mins


----------



## PatheticGuy

I'd just feel like I waste my whole night after that. I doubt it'd be a good conversation in any way anyway being me, as I don't care about things. If I like a song, what is there to say about it other than, I like it, do you? You do, ok then, next topic.


----------



## pete24

This is the problem I guess... if you don't care about things or have no topic of conversation then it's very hard to keep a conversation flowing and keep things "natural".

1 thing women seem to mention after a successful date is how "natural" things felt. No idea how I do it but I suppose it is relevant to keep the conversation flowing so there's no awkwardness.

Regarding a song "I like it, do you? You do, ok then". It's not just song's, it could be anything. Its all about extending what you are currently talking about to not only keep them interested, but also keep yourself interested.

1 line thing we went through was.... (After starting to talk about music of the past)

Me: Did you ever like Westlife?
Her: Shamefully I did like 1 or 2 of their songs and I bought 1 of their CD albums
Me: Yeah, I never normally admit it but I do like hearing 1 or 2 of their songs. Have you ever been to any concert's?

and so on....

The gist of that was talking about a mutual interest (Past music). I threw in something relevant (concerts), which is something I enjoy going to and have some things to say about. She spoke about her concert experiences, I spoke about mine and then I would link that to another relevant topic of conversation... I can't remember what it was but it could be films because some singer we were talking about featured in a film.

The girl will more likely than not do the same. If people are well matched, the conversation will be full of your mutual interests that you naturally have a lot to say about. (A good sign is when you have so much to say that you both talk at the same time or interrupt each other and have to say "Sorry, you go first") Surely you have to have an opinion on some things? 

Also a good idea is to always have a "fall back" topic.... This is like a get out of jail free card, but it can only be used a certain amount of times. If there is the feeling of an awkward silence getting near, you can use that topic to stop the awkward silence happening and give you some more time to get things back onto a topic you can relate to and talk about.

Mine with this girl is we both hate washing up. We joked about it and said a few things about it. On the date we are going bowling... I said if she loses she has to do my washing up here, if I lose I have to do the washing up at hers.

Then if a conversation is getting close to that awkward silence I could say "That washing up is stacking up nicely for you to do when I win at bowling". Of course I will vary it each time but it can gain you a bit of time or naturally get out of your mind going blank. 

Of course it can't be used every 5 minutes but it can be used several times


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Ya myself and my stupid ****ed up personality......not a single girl has even taken interest in me since last year.........I have socially isolated myself since 6th grade....if I hadn't been bullied all throughout elementary and middle school and even now......I would be fine...but yet I am stuck with zero confidence with girls and I just am stuck watching the girls I am interested in be taken away as I said before......all the *******s have zero trouble talking to girls....I don't get it at all ...why am I stuck like this.....every time I try to change my low confidence just pushes me back...........its not fair........ I have tried so many times to change it and it is not working at all


Hey man. We've all been there. Believe me I was probably about 10 times as hopeless and negative when I was your age. But at some point you need to make the decision to start taking charge. Pushing through all those negative voices NO MATTER WHAT and going for what you want. It really is a decision, despite your mind working against you. Don't wait 'till your 24 like I did to start putting yourself out there. Do it now.

Start small and just say hi to the girl. No conversation, no nothing. Just hi, smiling, and keep walking. There is nothing wrong with that. And I know you are physically and mentally capable of doing it.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Hey man. We've all been there. Believe me I was probably about 10 times as hopeless and negative when I was your age. But at some point you need to make the decision to start taking charge. Pushing through all those negative voices NO MATTER WHAT and going for what you want. It really is a decision, despite your mind working against you. Don't wait 'till your 24 like I did to start putting yourself out there. Do it now.
> 
> Start small and just say hi to the girl. No conversation, no nothing. Just hi, smiling, and keep walking. There is nothing wrong with that. And I know you are physically and mentally capable of doing it.


I was going to do it today but as I approached her friend moved in front of me to talk to her so I couldn't do it


----------



## PatheticGuy

pete24 said:


> snip...


I do have opinions, just not in things that require sharing with other people. It's why I never could do small talk with people. I don't see any point to talking about music tastes or movies or whatever the **** else with people. Doesn't matter.


----------



## rymo

PatheticGuy said:


> I do have opinions, just not in things that require sharing with other people. It's why I never could do small talk with people. I don't see any point to talking about music tastes or movies or whatever the **** else with people. Doesn't matter.


I feel that way a lot too. It's just like...I don't care what most people have to say about things. I have my opinions and I'm happy about them. But I know it's a narcissistic viewpoint that prevents me from learning and becoming a better person. Logically I know I'm only gimping myself in so many ways (including something as simple as just having fun with people), but a lot of times I just can't help it. I guess years of isolation when I was young and rarely getting to see the benefits of socializing (and only the negatives like decreased confidence) contributed to that mentality for me.

A few years ago I thought I was just smarter than everyone else and thinking that made me feel better about not being able to make small talk, but nowadays I feel that not having that ability simply makes me look like a douche. It's funny, I'm more aware of what's going on with me and what people think about me nowadays than I ever was, and that should make me more confident - like yeh! My eyes have been opened! Now I can change! But in reality it only makes me realize how much work I still have to do on myself.


----------



## pete24

I too hate small talk and things like that... Well with people in general anyway. Someone the other day was making small talk at a bus stop. They were saying about the weather being bad, I said "Yeah it is", walked away from them and played with my phone so they didnt bother saying anything else. With general people, I couldn't give a crap how their day was, i'm not interested in their job, what music they like or what hobbys they have. It bores me having to ask stuff that I don't even want to know.

With dating and relationships you have to look at things and see how a relationship can benefit you. Having a girlfriend, best friend, someone to hang out with, do plans with, go places with, plus all the other good things associated with relationships.

Sadly most women any of us will meet actually like small talk. They see endless banter as a good thing. While it may seem tedious, it's something that often has to be embraced and you can encourage yourself by knowing the end result could well be having a girlfriend.


----------



## PatheticGuy

I used to enjoy arguing and debating with people over every stupid little thing but I just don't care anymore. It's like a complete over maturing, letting people be to an extreme.



pete24 said:


> Sadly most women any of us will meet actually like small talk. They see endless banter as a good thing. While it may seem tedious, it's something that often has to be embraced and you can encourage yourself by knowing the end result could well be having a girlfriend.


Yeah not worth the work.


----------



## bsd3355

PatheticGuy said:


> I used to enjoy arguing and debating with people over every stupid little thing but I just don't care anymore. It's like a complete over maturing, letting people be to an extreme.
> 
> Yeah not worth the work.


Who says you have to banter for a long time? Just briefly talk to them and ask them out; cut to the chase. I think there is a big misconception for a lot of people to think they have to talk for a time longer than, say, 5 minutes to get a date. In fact, I think it is stupid to waste so much energy and time on a girl of whom you have NO IDEA is going to date you or not. The only way you know is by asking, and no one likes to beat around the bush when it comes down to these things. Spend more time trying to "get to know the girl" before asking her out and you come off as a little try hard.

It is more beneficial you talk and get to know someone more, yes. But this also depends on the context. If it is someone you just met and will not meet again then it is in your best interest to ask relatively quickly (most instances believe it or not). If it is someone at work, that's up to you how long you want to take it. Even online, if you spend too much time emailing back and forth then it just becomes pointless and tedious and the interest starts to wane.

One thing that has smacked me in the face these last couple years--or a deeper realization of the fact--is the realization that people are very perceptive. A girl typically knows what is up when you talk to her fishing for a date. Also, I personally think most girls know very, very fast if you are their "type" or not. Knowing this, is beneficial because it means you don't have to waste a lot of time talking to a girl before she has even made up her mind whether or not she'd likely date you. I personally think what determines (usually) what makes a girl want to date you is her: preconceptions about dating in general (how much she wants to date in general), if you fit relatively close to her physical type, and if you aren't a weirdo. It's really that simple. It doesn't take much to show you aren't a weirdo, and all the rest requirements comes extremely quickly, so not really necessary to waste a lot of time "talking".

You often hear about girls taking longer to make up their minds about dating someone, but I don't think this is the general tactic at all when they consider dating someone. I think it is pretty much close to the same as how a man would determine. For instance, you know instantly whether or not a girl is close to your physical type or not; you'll know soon if she is a "weirdo" or not by being around her and briefly talking to her; and you are already aware of how much you want to date someone. Sure, both men and women often find out later they are attracted to someone, but this is probably more to do with the fact that they hardy ever talked to the person before. Dating is a chance to get to know someone. There isn't much a need to REALLY get to know someone before you start dating in my opinion.

That's my thoughts on it anyway. I typically ask very fast, depending on the instance.


----------



## srschirm

bwidger85 said:


> Who says you have to banter for a long time? Just briefly talk to them and ask them out; cut to the chase. I think there is a big misconception for a lot of people to think they have to talk for a time longer than, say, 5 minutes to get a date. In fact, I think it is stupid to waste so much energy and time on a girl of whom you have NO IDEA is going to date you or not. The only way you know is by asking, and no one likes to beat around the bush when it comes down to these things. Spend more time trying to "get to know the girl" before asking her out and you come off as a little try hard.


True, the date is when you really get to know the person, not beforehand.


----------



## jsmith92

Could adderall be making it difficult for me to talk to girls............ I think it is turning off the impulses I get to talk to them and it might be my proble


EDIT: Never mind I'm crazy I have to take my meds without them I'd be a mess


----------



## kursedlife

I haven't done anything lately. I just don't have the patience for it. Every time I get rejected I get so mad I want to break something.


----------



## jsmith92

kursedlife said:


> I haven't done anything lately. I just don't have the patience for it. Every time I get rejected I get so mad I want to break something.


I get mad and depressed too....a very antisocial combination


----------



## jsmith92

Okay so rymo is really helping me out with this.......the basic key to talking to girls is to just go up to them and say hi and don't give a **** what they think.........just walk up and say hi.....tomorrow I am taking a very large risk and I WILL say hi to the girl or I won't leave the school........its happening I'm changing before its too late


----------



## jsmith92

We can all do this guys don't give up hope........the key is to put yourself out there and if you do that you will be fine guaranteed


----------



## Canucklehead

jsmith92 said:


> We can all do this guys don't give up hope........the key is to put yourself out there and if you do that you will be fine guaranteed


That's just simply not true.

You have to put yourself out there, and then you will be fine.


----------



## jsmith92

From now on I'm going to post positive replies to boost the confidence of everyone on this thread......... I'll try to do one every day........being positive is key no matter how bad it may get..... I was very negative before but it did nothing good for me and I found that being positive is much more rewarding and just generally fun...... I tried it out this week its great trust me


----------



## jsmith92

Canucklehead said:


> That's just simply not true.
> 
> You have to put yourself out there, and then you will be fine.


If you don't put yourself out there you have no chance at all......quit being negative and just look at it positively...... If you don't you will stay where you are.......yes once or twice you will meet a total *****.....believe me I have been there.....but when you go into a relationship you have to be indifferent to the outcome or you will be devastated if it doesn't turn out how you want it to


----------



## Canucklehead

jsmith92 said:


> If you don't put yourself out there you have no chance at all......quit being negative and just look at it positively...... If you don't you will stay where you are.......yes once or twice you will meet a total *****.....believe me I have been there.....but when you go into a relationship you have to be indifferent to the outcome or you will be devastated if it doesn't turn out how you want it to


Umm, I just said the same thing he said. 0_o


----------



## jsmith92

This post on wiki answers or whatever really gives a good summary of thinking positively and not getting down about it all http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_shou...now_you_like_her_and_want_to_ask_her_out_soon

This was basically the answer to my problems.....however asking a girl out too soon may not be the wisest choice so just look over that part


----------



## jsmith92

Canucklehead said:


> Umm, I just said the same thing he said. 0_o


You said it wasn't true


----------



## Canucklehead

jsmith92 said:


> You said it wasn't true


No I said that simply isn't true, then i said what he said, and you said that was wrong

Make up your mind!


----------



## Yer Blues

This week I'm trying elk pheromones.


----------



## kursedlife

Canucklehead said:


> That's just simply not true.
> 
> You have to put yourself out there, and then you will be fine.


I put myself out there all the time, and all it's gotten me is angry and depressed.


----------



## pete24

" I think there is a big misconception for a lot of people to think they have to talk for a time longer than, say, 5 minutes to get a date"


The context I was mostly talking about was online dating.

Women are quite weary online and often it will take more than a 5 minute chat to get a date with them.

More often than not it can be very slow moving. They have to feel quite certain and even make sure there are no guys more suitable than you on the site before arranging a date.

Long chats can be beneficial as it increases the chance of them feeling some early bond towards you (i.e if you speak to them for 3 hours on the phone and the chat goes well, it increases the chances of a date being arranged).

Plus long chats with someone online before meeting helps you as well. It means you find out more about them before meeting and gain a more comfortable feeling towards them. This can help people with SA as instead of being nervous and having to find things out about a stranger... You are already at the next stage.


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> " I think there is a big misconception for a lot of people to think they have to talk for a time longer than, say, 5 minutes to get a date"
> 
> The context I was mostly talking about was online dating.
> 
> Women are quite weary online and often it will take more than a 5 minute chat to get a date with them.
> 
> More often than not it can be very slow moving. They have to feel quite certain and even make sure there are no guys more suitable than you on the site before arranging a date.
> 
> Long chats can be beneficial as it increases the chance of them feeling some early bond towards you (i.e if you speak to them for 3 hours on the phone and the chat goes well, it increases the chances of a date being arranged).
> 
> Plus long chats with someone online before meeting helps you as well. It means you find out more about them before meeting and gain a more comfortable feeling towards them. This can help people with SA as instead of being nervous and having to find things out about a stranger... You are already at the next stage.


I've had the exact opposite experience on OkCupid. It usually takes no more than 3-5 messages to get a #, and a couple texts to set up a date. I feel like it's only slow moving if you don't try to go for the number early on. Then, yes, it will be slow moving. But if they've bothered to respond to you to begin with, that's an indicator that there's some interest already, so it's not crazy to assume that they would grab a drink with you without too much convincing.


----------



## millenniumman75

jsmith92 said:


> You said it wasn't true





Canucklehead said:


> No I said that simply isn't true, then i said what he said, and you said that was wrong
> 
> Make up your mind!


I just got a panic attack from this! :afr


----------



## jsmith92

Canucklehead said:


> No I said that simply isn't true, then i said what he said, and you said that was wrong
> 
> Make up your mind!


Are you high......you said and I quote "that's just simply not true" when I said you have to yourself out there first........you are arguing as if your point is valid but its not.......if you don't put yourself out there you will be a miserable **** for the rest of your life.......its your choice


----------



## jsmith92

Today I talked to my current crush.....FINALLYYYYY.....and to my surprise the girl that crushed me last year......who I accidentally held the door open for yesterday...I didn't see it was her until afterward........she talked to me today as a normal person....and not someone she hates so now I guess it's neutral between us again.......who knows what will happen in the future........ Being positive seriously is awesome.......my day has been great wow.....this is the happiest I have been in months


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> " I think there is a big misconception for a lot of people to think they have to talk for a time longer than, say, 5 minutes to get a date"
> 
> The context I was mostly talking about was online dating.
> 
> Women are quite weary online and often it will take more than a 5 minute chat to get a date with them.
> 
> More often than not it can be very slow moving. They have to feel quite certain and even make sure there are no guys more suitable than you on the site before arranging a date.
> 
> Long chats can be beneficial as it increases the chance of them feeling some early bond towards you (i.e if you speak to them for 3 hours on the phone and the chat goes well, it increases the chances of a date being arranged).
> 
> Plus long chats with someone online before meeting helps you as well. It means you find out more about them before meeting and gain a more comfortable feeling towards them. This can help people with SA as instead of being nervous and having to find things out about a stranger... You are already at the next stage.


Anyway can work. I just wanted to point out that it isn't always necessary to have long conversations. Personally, I just don't like making conversation too long because I notice a tipping point where interest is lost, and also because I really have no idea if she will date me or not unless I ask, so I like to ask relatively soon. It really depends. There is no one "right" way.


----------



## PatheticGuy

rymo said:


> I've had the exact opposite experience on OkCupid. It usually takes no more than 3-5 messages to get a #, and a couple texts to set up a date. I feel like it's only slow moving if you don't try to go for the number early on. Then, yes, it will be slow moving. But if they've bothered to respond to you to begin with, that's an indicator that there's some interest already, so it's not crazy to assume that they would grab a drink with you without too much convincing.


3-5 messages? Is that what my problem was last time I tried okcupid I got responses but kept a conversation going for quite a few messages until eventually they or I would inevitably get bored it seemed and stop messaging.


----------



## SmartCar

What are you doing to get a girl?=Answer: :stu


----------



## rymo

PatheticGuy said:


> 3-5 messages? Is that what my problem was last time I tried okcupid I got responses but kept a conversation going for quite a few messages until eventually they or I would inevitably get bored it seemed and stop messaging.


I don't see the point of carrying on long-term conversations online when the truest test of chemistry happens in person. Unless, like pete said, you want to feel more comfortable with the person before you go out with them. But in general, go for the # pretty early on (I usually just ask on the second message that I send). Not only does it show confidence and interest but you get to know what she's thinking right away, and can either go on a date right away or move on to the next girl more quickly.


----------



## PatheticGuy

Yeah I guess I wasn't honestly trying to get dates I just wanted to practice getting to that point. Honestly at this point on my life the only real anxiety I get is with the thought of dating, I would get a bit of panic anytime a girl messaged me or I messaged them, worrying about potential dates, knowing I'd make a fool of myself or she would be disappointed and not knowing of/when it's expected to go for a kiss or sex or whatever.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rymo is correct 3-5 messages is all you need. Just say something like "I'm gonna go do X, can I get your number so we can call/text sometime)


----------



## nothing else

Not possible to meet anybody in North America...might have slightly better chances somewhere like Iraq or Afghanistan but sadly since they are war zones I'm not sure how easy it is to re-locate over there

:/


----------



## pete24

I think to be fair people are missing other factors with it.

Sometimes 3-5 messages could be all you need but let's say if someone lives in another town? 3-5 messages and a few text's won't exactly convince them to travel to you for a date. Equally, it's a bit of a waste spending maybe £20 on travel to meet someone you barely know a thing about.

Perhaps it's just me but from online dating I had 1 date with someone after just 3-5 messages and a few texts. It was a fail, she was so narrow minded and i'm sure she didn't think the date worked either.

Whereas I had many, many more dates with women I met on dating websites after a lot more messages, phone call's and texts. All of them worked out and turned into relationship's. Date's were less awkward, we both knew what to expect.

Got yesterday's date today. We pushed it today so we could have longer together. Fingers crossed


----------



## pete24

A complete edit as I have slowly pieced together what happened with my date (I cant remember half the night after the date due to an extreme amount of booze). 

Soooo.... We met at about 1:30pm and did the activity we had planned to do on the date. Before the date started I gathered she was going to stay until around 6pm.

She felt like having a snack so she drove us to a pub. She parked at this parking spot that permitted 1 hour of free parking. We went to the pub, chatted, she had some food. I was suggesting other places we could go to when her 1 hour permitted parking time runs out. Instead though she said she had best drive back home once that time runs out. Bear in mind it was only about 3:30pm by then. I walked her back to her car, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I go off and meet with an old college friend who I saw was in the last pub we went to. We had beers, went to another pub. According to my phone log's I sent her a message at 7pm (as I hadn't heard off her), said all the usual stuff about enjoying the date. After that message I only sent her 1 other text all night. I can remotely remember her saying in that last text that she had a good time but only sees us as friends and my reply being "Ahh, not to worry".

From them on that evening though I got totally wasted and lost my phone :/


----------



## Brandeezy

Things have gone downhill since I last posted. I haven't seen the fwb chick since then because of our work schedules and her social schedules. I had a chance yesterday but blew it off because I was tired and had to be at work early in the am and she wanted me to come over around 11 pm. She then said I could come over early in the morning before her roommate comes home but I didn't want to risk being late for work since I have to catch the train. I think she's fed up with me blowing her off. The relationship girl now wants to be friends. I don't mind but she wants to be friends and she won't meet with me for lunch or the movies. I asked her for her instagram but she won't give it to me because she only has one pic, wtf? I even told her to stop by my job to get these cookies she likes but she said I should keep them. She only lives 5 mins away too. I'm back in depression mode again unfortunately :/


----------



## Chukopin

Don't take it literally but I believe it holds some truth.

Before you stop caring about your looks, do remember that good looks will give yourself confidence. I am working a lot on my looks now, not because I expect a lot of attention from girls suddenly but because it makes me confident. But in the end confidence is priority no.1. Many stories can be found about kissless virgins getting constantly complimented on how good they look, confident guys can have bad experiences with women too but they don't care and try until they succeed.


----------



## cynocephalus

I plan to look for paid girlfriends in the Philippines and Thailand or maybe study Lao so that I can try to marry a much younger Lao girl. Or I may just move to Cuba. Although you can't buy love you can buy sex and the company of a pretty girl.


----------



## jsmith92

Chukopin said:


> View attachment 41625
> 
> Don't take it literally but I believe it holds some truth.
> 
> Before you stop caring about your looks, do remember that good looks will give yourself confidence. I am working a lot on my looks now, not because I expect a lot of attention from girls suddenly but because it makes me confident. But in the end confidence is priority no.1. Many stories can be found about kissless virgins getting constantly complimented on how good they look, confident guys can have bad experiences with women too but they don't care and try until they succeed.


Agreed.......physical fitness.....which in a way can also go with looks will give you a huge confidence boost.......I am working towards a six pack now.....so that I can feel good about myself and that I did it.......also it will look good too so I will be more comfortable with who I am when I get it.......that's just my strategy right now


----------



## jsmith92

cynocephalus said:


> I plan to look for paid girlfriends in the Philippines and Thailand or maybe study Lao so that I can try to marry a much younger Lao girl. Or I may just move to Cuba. Although you can't buy love you can buy sex and the company of a pretty girl.


If you want to get AIDS go ahead


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> Things have gone downhill since I last posted. I haven't seen the fwb chick since then because of our work schedules and her social schedules. I had a chance yesterday but blew it off because I was tired and had to be at work early in the am and she wanted me to come over around 11 pm. She then said I could come over early in the morning before her roommate comes home but I didn't want to risk being late for work since I have to catch the train. I think she's fed up with me blowing her off. The relationship girl now wants to be friends. I don't mind but she wants to be friends and she won't meet with me for lunch or the movies. I asked her for her instagram but she won't give it to me because she only has one pic, wtf? I even told her to stop by my job to get these cookies she likes but she said I should keep them. She only lives 5 mins away too. I'm back in depression mode again unfortunately :/


DUDE! Sounds pretty standard. You'll prolly get more chances to hang out with fwb and as for the other chick, she friend-zoned you man. That doesn't mean you should ask to hang out with her a bunch, it more means you should just lay off for a bit. But that's okay...it happens to everyone...at least you got some success out of this whole situation and some GREAT experience. And that means you'll only get better. This is the start of a great dating life, absolutely no need to get depressed. You've made great strides recently and you should keep it up.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> DUDE! Sounds pretty standard. You'll prolly get more chances to hang out with fwb and as for the other chick, she friend-zoned you man. That doesn't mean you should ask to hang out with her a bunch, it more means you should just lay off for a bit. But that's okay...it happens to everyone...at least you got some success out of this whole situation and some GREAT experience. And that means you'll only get better. This is the start of a great dating life, absolutely no need to get depressed. You've made great strides recently and you should keep it up.


Yea bro keep it up.....maybe the fwb chick will end up becoming something else you never know


----------



## ksevile

I never understood how people start FWB relationships. I guess it'd be nice.


----------



## jsmith92

ksevile said:


> I never understood how people start FWB relationships. I guess it'd be nice.


Me neither I think its all bs.....


----------



## pete24

Supposedly I have this date with another girl tomorrow. There's no connection or anything with her though and I don't even find her attractive. I just feel obliged to go as I let her down last week and she didn't seem happy. 

I don't know if anyone else feels this but the strain of dating is getting to me a bit now. I'm putting in effort, talking on the phone as best I can (even though im nervously shaking which they cant see), spending money I don't have to meet women and as of the past year, it's always been a failure with dates. Feels like a waste of my time


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Supposedly I have this date with another girl tomorrow. There's no connection or anything with her though and I don't even find her attractive. I just feel obliged to go as I let her down last week and she didn't seem happy.
> 
> I don't know if anyone else feels this but the strain of dating is getting to me a bit now. I'm putting in effort, talking on the phone as best I can (even though im nervously shaking which they cant see), spending money I don't have to meet women and as of the past year, it's always been a failure with dates. Feels like a waste of my time


Keep trying you will find someone


----------



## pete24

Yeah I guess thats true but.... at what price does "trying" come at?

People with SA normally struggle to socialise so things like talking on the phone and keeping a girl interested are hard work. Then the date itself, how many here admit to being out of work? (Quite a few due to SA or depression). It's costly spending weeks chatting to a girl, going through the strain of phonecalls and then paying money to go on a date but failing it at the end.


Edit:

What had been on my mind half the day today was Saturday's failed date. It's that learning process of thinking what I did right/wrong and even building on it.I think it was purely vainness on her behalf really. It's almost like a double standard way of things.

Chatting wise, we chatted and laughed on the date just as much as we did on the phone (The way we spoke on the phone was what made her want to get a date arranged). The 2 things that I think swung it for her was my height and looks on the day.

My height was accurate on my profile. She probably estimated her height which was put as shorter than my actual height but actually we were both about the same height in person.

That day I wasn't looking my best but I told her that in advance. The night before a family member wasn't well so I had a lack of sleep making sure they were ok. However my profile pics (That she obviously liked) are normally very reflective of me as old friends and people I used to know recognised me and messaged me to say hi on that website.

On the other hand of things, she used her best pictures on the dating site (3 of them are black and white, the other 1 is constantly changed to and from private/public). Plus she "forgot" to mention that "social drinker" is actually a few glasses of wine multiple times a week and clubbing every weekend. Shes 32... surely should be passed the getting wasted at clubs every weekend stage?

Anyways, rant over


----------



## ksevile

jsmith92 said:


> Me neither I think its all bs.....


I know. This girl I really liked got into one someone and it really bothered me because she was worth so much better than what she got into. Luckily, she's not doing it anymore.

The entire premise seems pretty wicked/corrupt to me.


----------



## jsmith92

ksevile said:


> I know. This girl I really liked got into one someone and it really bothered me because she was worth so much better than what she got into. Luckily, she's not doing it anymore.
> 
> The entire premise seems pretty wicked/corrupt to me.


Yea.......its basically asking you to cheat on someone like no why would you want to do that.......I can't imagine cheating on someone......basically because I have never been in a relationship but that can change over time anyway...... I wouldn't want to cause someone the emotional pain that comes from cheating ever.......it doesn't matter how much I like or dislike them


----------



## ksevile

I have the exact same sentiment. I actually find it hard to find how someone _can_ actually cheat on someone.


----------



## jsmith92

ksevile said:


> I have the exact same sentiment. I actually find it hard to find how someone _can_ actually cheat on someone.


Exactly......its just mean......if you develop a relationship with someone why would you throw them to the curb like a piece of garbage for someone you hardly know


----------



## rymo

from imgur:


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> from imgur:


Is that you......dude you are in great shape


----------



## jsmith92

On Monday I am going to talk to the girl I have a crush on again...I'm not going to have any intentions other than to be friends with her...and I'm not going to over think things either...I am going to do this if it kills me


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Is that you......dude you are in great shape


Nope, found on imgur


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Nope, found on imgur


Oh okay lol


----------



## darkinside

What I do is go for it expecting rejection and let her surprise me lol..but seriously this is how I do my thing depending on what I want....at a club I'll usually follow this pattern "hey how are you?..im good yeah..whats your name? Oh lovely name..well im >insert name here< who's your friend? Oh okay You girls are looking good tonight!..are you ladies here with anybody?(shell know what you mean)if she is.."oh okay my loss haha nice to meet you guys hey see you around"..if she's not.." can I interest you in a round of drinks and maybe a dance? Your friend can join us if she wants?"....from there on out you just go with it...chicks in a group are a challenge but if you get 1 you got them all...im no expert I just use a simple technique that works for me 70% of the time..which is good enough for me..some girls need a little more convincing though.. so you're just gonna have to play it by the situation..rejection is a guarantee with some woman..but you have to try..maybe the next time you meet you can break the ice with the fact that she turned you down a while back and have a laugh about it, before you know it you're back in...this is just from my own personal experience..the real trick is to get them laughing and smiling even when they don't want too!!


----------



## darkinside

Oooh aaand sometimes I just mess with the chicks mind for impact..id do this by approaching her claiming mistaken identity..but im really just hitting on her subliminally..this is what id say "hey hey sorry hi err..im sorry what's your name?...she tells me...oh **** sorry haha err from a distance you looked like somebody I know or would like to get to know.. sorry my mistake you look good though" WALK AWAY....trust me when this works IT WORKS..she'll claw your vest before you walk away..some chicks will let it stew in their minds and will eye f you until you come back..some will just take it for what it is..mistaken identity..what you want here is her name and for her to look into your eyes..

The trick I guess is to beat the piñata and see what comes out...but I'll say again im not an expert..im just saying this from personal experience..


----------



## jsmith92

darkinside said:


> What I do is go for it expecting rejection and let her surprise me lol..but seriously this is how I do my thing depending on what I want....at a club I'll usually follow this pattern "hey how are you?..im good yeah..whats your name? Oh lovely name..well im >insert name here< who's your friend? Oh okay You girls are looking good tonight!..are you ladies here with anybody?(shell know what you mean)if she is.."oh okay my loss haha nice to meet you guys hey see you around"..if she's not.." can I interest you in a round of drinks and maybe a dance? Your friend can join us if she wants?"....from there on out you just go with it...chicks in a group are a challenge but if you get 1 you got them all...im no expert I just use a simple technique that works for me 70% of the time..which is good enough for me..some girls need a little more convincing though.. so you're just gonna have to play it by the situation..rejection is a guarantee with some woman..but you have to try..maybe the next time you meet you can break the ice with the fact that she turned you down a while back and have a laugh about it, before you know it you're back in...this is just from my own personal experience..the real trick is to get them laughing and smiling even when they don't want too!!





darkinside said:


> Oooh aaand sometimes I just mess with the chicks mind for impact..id do this by approaching her claiming mistaken identity..but im really just hitting on her subliminally..this is what id say "hey hey sorry hi err..im sorry what's your name?...she tells me...oh **** sorry haha err from a distance you looked like somebody I know or would like to get to know.. sorry my mistake you look good though" WALK AWAY....trust me when this works IT WORKS..she'll claw your vest before you walk away..some chicks will let it stew in their minds and will eye f you until you come back..some will just take it for what it is..mistaken identity..what you want here is her name and for her to look into your eyes..
> 
> The trick I guess is to beat the piñata and see what comes out...but I'll say again im not an expert..im just saying this from personal experience..


Lol nice tricks hahaha


----------



## Mouseratrocks

I Force myself hardcore to go into social situations. I awkwardly talk to people and somehow they like me, though sometimes i feel they just feel bad for me and talk to me because of that.


----------



## jsmith92

Mouseratrocks said:


> I Force myself hardcore to go into social situations. I awkwardly talk to people and somehow they like me, though sometimes i feel they just feel bad for me and talk to me because of that.


Hey at least you are making an effort to be social


----------



## rymo

In reference to this thread I just made: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/living-in-brooklyn-have-no-life-958521/ whining about my lonely and miserable existence that no one cares about, I am now sitting here inside listening to FUN going on outside. And since I have no idea how to penetrate that bubble of fun, I'm going to try to penetrate in the only way I know how: vaginally.

I so desperately want to socialize that I will go about it the only way I know how, by trying to set up OkCupid dates. Nothing out of the ordinary. But since I truly have nothing better to do I will message every single person on my favorites list, or 73 girls. These are girls that I thought looked interesting and just never bothered to message, because I'm usually too lazy/don't care, waist-deep in video games, work, or internet videos. But on this beautiful day I just can't be happy doing those things, and although I would much prefer an awesome group of friends to go out with, that is something I don't have, so I will take what I can get. Off to the races.

EDIT:
Yeh I'm not cut out to message 73 girls in one sitting. In all of this time I have messaged ONE. I take way too long...trying to craft something perfect. I also realized that I have no interest in messaging that many girls. I got bored very quickly and all I want to do is go out and do something. But I'm stuck in here doing nothing except talking about how I'm doing nothing haha. Oh well.


----------



## rambo

rymo said:


> In reference to this thread I just made: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/living-in-brooklyn-have-no-life-958521/ whining about my lonely and miserable existence that no one cares about, I am now sitting here inside listening to FUN going on outside. And since I have no idea how to penetrate that bubble of fun, I'm going to try to penetrate in the only way I know how: vaginally.


Dam I kinda feel the same way but for me it is like im broke I cant do much until I get money. I cant wait until my job starts. All that social fun... I dunno if you work but you should prolly go to a meetup dot com meetups or a SA meetup from here. That can help you overcome your problem. NYC been too beautiful lately not to take advantage of it.


----------



## rymo

rambo said:


> Dam I kinda feel the same way but for me it is like im broke I cant do much until I get money. I cant wait until my job starts. All that social fun... I dunno if you work but you should prolly go to a meetup dot com meetups or a SA meetup from here. That can help you overcome your problem. NYC been too beautiful lately not to take advantage of it.


Yeh it can be tough not having money in this area. I'm working so it's manageable, but it still gets really expensive. However, the park is free, so on days like these I have no reason not to at least make myself present there.


----------



## rambo

Anyway, what im going to be do to get girls is join some meetups so I can meet various women. Once I start my job.


----------



## rambo

rymo said:


> Yeh it can be tough not having money in this area. I'm working so it's manageable, but it still gets really expensive. However, the park is free, so on days like these I have no reason not to at least make myself present there.


Well, no doubt. There is tons of free stuff. I remember I host a meetup where they had free games in the city... Anyway I live in Bk, you should join one of my meetups. I should be having one this month or the first week of May. Most of my meetups are cheap. Very cheap.


----------



## Daylight

Wearing a cologne that gets the hair on there who-ha to stand up


----------



## jsmith92

Daylight said:


> Wearing a cologne that gets the hair on there who-ha to stand up


^This


----------



## rymo

Hey boys! Looking for some advice. You guys think this is a good OkCupid message? Honest, first-impression reactions. I'm overanalyzing this to death and I need someone to tell me it's fine D:

---

_Hey there, XXXXXX!

As someone who is working on starting his own little web design company, I can appreciate your entrepenurial spirit. That drive to create something uniquely you and to keep it from being tainted by corporate interests. It's a great feeling.

According to your profile, you're not only ambitious but adventurous as well. I like that you've taken up raquetball; that game is a hell of a lot of fun. And I'm pretty sure I could school you at it, so that's also fun. Actually I'm not sure at all, but I would be fiercely (obnoxiously?) competitive about it. What got you interested in the game?

Anyway, as we're both active, enjoy animals, and know a good sandwich when we try one, I figure we would get along pretty damn well.

Cheers,
YYYYYY

P.S. I'm sure you've heard it before, but your eyes are stunning.

_


----------



## Jesuszilla

Don't mention looks on dating sites for some reason women hate that. Try to cut the fat a little and make the message a little shorter and you should be okay.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Don't mention looks on dating sites for some reason women hate that. Try to cut the fat a little and make the message a little shorter and you should be okay.


Which parts are fat? I NEED SPECIFICS!

Also, looks are fine as long as the compliment is genuine and there is more substance to the message aside from, "herp derp ur hot", "nice bobs", etc. But yeh, regardless I'm still debating that part being a little much or not.


----------



## rymo

Eh feck it, I've been mulling this over for hours (why, I just don't know...). Just sending it.


----------



## lad

Well yesterday I bought a huge net and some camouflage garments. So I'll be ready for my venture into town tomorrow to see how many of them I can get.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Eh feck it, I've been mulling this over for hours (why, I just don't know...). Just sending it.


Go for it bruh


----------



## DubnRun

How about WHERE are you going to get a girl?
In UK it's either online or you need 20,000 friends to go out with 'clubbing'
otherwise your single for life.


----------



## rymo

DubnRun said:


> How about WHERE are you going to get a girl?
> In UK it's either online or you need 20,000 friends to go out with 'clubbing'
> otherwise your single for life.


Why can't you go out by yourself?


----------



## DubnRun

rymo said:


> Why can't you go out by yourself?


Ughh from isolation to going to a pub/club completely alone, seems impossible.


----------



## jsmith92

DubnRun said:


> How about WHERE are you going to get a girl?
> In UK it's either online or you need 20,000 friends to go out with 'clubbing'
> otherwise your single for life.


Dude just go and do it....it doesn't matter if you've been in isolation you have to change something and so you should start there


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Dude just go and do it....it doesn't matter if you've been in isolation you have to change something and so you should start there


Truth. I know I said it in your thread, DubnRun, but that's what I had to do. Not trying to brag or something, just saying that that was my reality. I had no friends, no experience with women at 24, and I was deeply unhappy and anxious. But at a certain point you just gotta say enough is enough. Time to just say **** it and change things around. Are you going to find immediate success? Hell no, unless you get extremely lucky. But it will happen if you keep at it and keep learning as you go, no matter how hard or impossible it seems.


----------



## DubnRun

jsmith92 said:


> Dude just go and do it....it doesn't matter if you've been in isolation you have to change something and so you should start there


start by going out alone? nah. It's like telling everyone you have the plague even trying, you'd get laughed at here. No one goes out alone where I live


----------



## rymo

DubnRun said:


> start by going out alone? nah. It's like telling everyone you have the plague even trying, you'd get laughed at here. No one goes out alone where I live


Why would anyone give two ****s about whether or not some random guy is out alone or not?


----------



## Gas Raid

Absolutely nothing and it feels awesome.


----------



## chefdave

For the past 6-7 months I've been taking a load of evening classes for accountancy/computing with the aim of getting a better job, then I may be able to purchase a house too. 

Got to live in hope. Can't sit around moping.


----------



## Gas Raid

chefdave said:


> Got to live in hope. Can't sit around moping.


Quote is sig-worthy. I like your style.


----------



## DubnRun

rymo said:


> Why would anyone give two ****s about whether or not some random guy is out alone or not?


Well it does seem irrational, but I was literally told that 'nobody goes out alone' by someone on the one occasion I did try. Of course I can't let that instance stop me but also a group of drunk guys together are likely to attack a guy on his own, in anyway they can. That's the mentality of most here.


----------



## nothing else

There's nothing more I can do in terms of dating. I'm just not desirable to anybody.


----------



## monotonous

trying to get rich


----------



## jsmith92

monotonous said:


> trying to get rich


That works


----------



## bsd3355

Will be back out there again starting monday doing 5 days a week approaching.


----------



## Brandeezy

rymo said:


> DUDE! Sounds pretty standard. You'll prolly get more chances to hang out with fwb and as for the other chick, she friend-zoned you man. That doesn't mean you should ask to hang out with her a bunch, it more means you should just lay off for a bit. But that's okay...it happens to everyone...at least you got some success out of this whole situation and some GREAT experience. And that means you'll only get better. This is the start of a great dating life, absolutely no need to get depressed. You've made great strides recently and you should keep it up.


I haven't spoken to her in 3 or 4 days now. She was suppose to tell me when I could come over but she never did. Back to square one :/


----------



## jsmith92

Brandeezy said:


> I haven't spoken to her in 3 or 4 days now. She was suppose to tell me when I could come over but she never did. Back to square one :/


*****es these days


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> I haven't spoken to her in 3 or 4 days now. She was suppose to tell me when I could come over but she never did. Back to square one :/


Square one my ***. You've gotten laid. Means you can get back up on the horse and do it again. Be proud.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Square one my ***. You've gotten laid. Means you can get back up on the horse and do it again. Be proud.


Lol ya hahahahaha


----------



## bsd3355

Got a number from campus today. Looks like possible date thursday. I do not really enjoy going out and approaching. It is more like a chore to me nowadays, but it is necessary. Will be going out again everyday until friday and then repeat the process over next week if nothing falls through


----------



## jsmith92

bwidger85 said:


> Got a number from campus today. Looks like possible date thursday. I do not really enjoy going out and approaching. It is more like a chore to me nowadays, but it is necessary. Will be going out again everyday until friday and then repeat the process over next week if nothing falls through


That's great man.....keep it up


----------



## tpol

Nuffin


----------



## Zeeshan

POF is getting good, looks like male to female ratios are evening out in the dating world.


----------



## Gas Raid

Zeeshan said:


> POF is getting good, looks like male to female ratios are evening out in the dating world.


Amen to that.


----------



## Zeeshan

Gas Raid said:


> Amen to that.


maybe its just returning to it after a while, or maybe its because spring is here.

Just saying,

Today i started a convo with this asian, then quickly lost it.


----------



## 000XXX000

eating like an obese person, honing my gaming skills, and staying indoors most days. oh, and chewing.


----------



## jsmith92

000XXX000 said:


> eating like an obese person, honing my gaming skills, and staying indoors most days. oh, and chewing.


That's my favorite strategy


----------



## bsd3355

taking the day off because yesterday i wore myself out trying to accomplish all my goals in one day. will be back out tomorrow.


----------



## bsd3355

Zeeshan said:


> maybe its just returning to it after a while, or maybe its because spring is here.
> 
> Just saying,
> 
> Today i started a convo with this asian, then quickly lost it.


i've noticed it's like a reset button on POF when you come back to it after a while--new faces, new opportunities, and then it seems to level out again and go dry a little


----------



## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> POF is getting good, looks like male to female ratios are evening out in the dating world.


Oddly it feels worse than it ever has before in all the years I have been using it.

Maybe i'm selective online.... but also a realist.

Any profile with "add me on... fb/instagram/skype/twitter" I skip. More than likely it's some silly cow who wants all the guys to add her to boost her "friends" list and her ego with compliments.

I have seen a huge amount of wannabe models/barbie's join recently with the typical "wants to date but nothing serious" intent. Not my type at all plus they seem to love themselves and believe that because they have gone for the fake look, they deserve "hunk"'s only.

Apart from that, I havent seen many other new female members.

Definitely will be deleting my profile soon as I cba with it any more really.

The past few weeks has been too much of a fail. Messaged 4 girls who I liked the look of them/their profile.... No reply.

3 women messaged me first. All were not my type. The 3rd was especially weird.

I replied to her to be nice. Wet sponge comes to mind though. I asked her what sort of things she liked doing hobby wise... her first reply was "ummm lots of fings xx" then I asked such as? and her reply to that was "I dnt no, cant fink of any hobby's I enjoy at the moment sorry xx". ODD!!!


----------



## nothing else

^ 3 messages first isn't bad.
I've never been messaged first and been on and off that site for three years


----------



## londonguy202

trying pof and getting healty. POF is good but everyone see my profile and stops there. no message nothing http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=72683949


----------



## jsmith92

I try lots of things but I end up getting nowhere


----------



## jsmith92

Although I ran 4 miles on Saturday and 4 more today so I'm trying to at least get into shape


----------



## bsd3355

Just got back from date on campus. In the past I wouldn't specifically ask for a "coffee date" and I've found sometimes this confuses the meet up, so I made sure to say to meet up for a coffee date with this girl.

I haven't been on a date for a couple months or so I think, and I've been extremely unsocial as well, so I was a little nervous but it went OK. I found talking to her was pretty easy as she was an outgoing type. I've also dated quiet girls as well and, cool enough, I tend to take over the talking role more with those types.

Although the date went fine, something about it tells me I won't be dating her for too much longer. She'll likely flake the next time I try to hang out, which is what all the girls who really aren't that interested do. Regardless, it's all good w/e happens.

This year I've really come to terms with being happy either way. Usually people want this or that, but lately I can't make my mind up want I want more: to date/girlfriend or be alone. I think the only reason why I am trying right now is because I know the experience will be rewarding, and I'll probably regret it later if I don't.

I've also been thinking a bit about my introversion. It's hard for me to call myself an introvert at times because I see what I enjoy doing depends on a certain amount of conditioning, etc. But I really do enjoy my introversion, a lot. The trick is, don't let it be a negative thing in your mind, because it isn't, and don't think you aren't dynamic. It definitely is no hindrance. I look at it like a preference, regardless if it is more innate than that or not. Don't tell yourself "I can't because I'm 'X'"; rather, look at the bigger picture and realize you are dynamic and can adapt, change, etc., and that's what we are built to do. Extroversion or introversion DOES NOT confine us into any parameters we don't want to be in.


----------



## bsd3355

So the girl I went on a date with, I texted her a day or two later after the date and asked if she wanted to watch a movie. She said yes and then I asked her to let me know if she was available this upcoming week (usually you can tell how interested a girl is by how she responds. If she tells you when she is available that's a good sign. If she says she's booked for an entire week that's usually a bad sign meaning she's not interested). She responded saying she was booked all week so I thought it was a write off with this girl, so I threw out one more opportunity before I moved on saying, "Ah, that sucks. You sound like you're probably too busy to hang out, especially since finals are coming up in 2 weeks. Good luck on your finals and enjoy the rest of your summer!  ". She knows I'm not going to talk to her again so if she responds with something like "Thanks! You too!" then chances are she wasn't interested enough anyway and is fine with not talking to you again; however, if she responds by suggesting something else or another time then she's usually interested enough for the date. I think she suggest that maybe monday she would have time so she still sounded interested. So I put the ball in her court and told her, "OK. Cool. Just let me know when you're free and we can hang out". Once again, I figure it probably was a write off, so I deleted her number from my phone so I couldn't contact her unless she contacted me to let me know (if she is interested she will contact me and let me know).

Next day she contacts me saying she doesn't want to watch a movie at my house without getting to know me better first and suggested she was free today if I wanted to hang out in public. This is understandable and a good sign, but I told her I had plans (I do), so I told her another time and for her to let me know and she said tomorrow after 5pm, so I set up a date to meet up at the park for tomorrow at 6pm. It's interesting to note that she basically lied to me saying she wasn't available all week simply because she wasn't comfortable enough to hang out at me at my house yet, and then suddenly her schedule is open all week for a park date. To her credit though, she was upfront with why she didn't want to watch a movie yet, so I let it slide.

So, I'm writing this A) because I want to & B) because it highlights a few interesting things about dating girls. Honestly, dating is supposed to be EASY; to me, relationships SHOULDN'T be confusing or complicated, but it can be confusing if you are inexperienced. For example, so many people can't read between the lines and tell if a girl is interested or not. The way you tell is by someone's actions. If a girl is interested in you she will MAKE the time and she will make sure to contact you if she wants to. You sometimes hear how girls are fickle and illogical and all that mess, but this obviously isn't true for the most part, and I kind of blows my mind how I used to think that myself so I treated them as such, which is wrong. Just understand that if a girl actually wants you then she will do the things necessary to make that happen, just in the same way she does everything else in her life and manages to make time for that and accomplish tasks (work, school, friendships/relationships, hobbies, etc., etc). It was confusing for me understanding this, so I guess I just want to make it clear that a girl who is interested in dating WILL make the time and WILL do the necessary things to date you! If she doesn't, then almost always she simply wasn't interested enough. So to make it easy on yourself and to read between the lines, have faith in the fact that this is true, because it is. If for w/e reason a girl may be interested but doesn't make the time or do the necessary things to date you then you probably do not want to date her anyway because she's probably someone who will frustrate you (most girls are not like this, so if she appears not to want to date you by not making the time, etc., then she almost always simply doesn't want to date you). So keep in mind, the view that women are fickle and all this when it comes to dating is just an excuse. Women are pretty much just like guys when it comes to this stuff and react the same way a guy would react if put in the same situation. Make it easy on yourself by understanding this and stop wasting energy on the girls who aren't interested by reading between the lines.

Why do girls say they will hang out when they don't want to and then don't? It is because either they don't want to hurt your feelings or they don't want the repercussions of dealing with the backlash of some butt-hurt guy. It is like if someone asked you if they were ugly to your face, how would you respond? Would you respond truthfully and risk feeling like **** yourself and hurting the person feelings, or would you make up a white lie? The same thing kind of applies to why girls lie saying they want to hang out but don't intend to. As a guy, and as someone who likely does most the approaching and ask out, if you were put into the same situation where you had to make the same situation to accept or decline someone you may or may not be interested in, you'd like do the same things a girl would do. I just wanted to point that out for guys who think "women lie"--you know, the retarded social stigma women are afflicted with--no, actually, it is because for the reason I stated, and it is no more unusual than any response you would likely give given the same situation. And just like some men, some women are just as blunt and will tell you face to face, but I venture to say most men and women are not out to hurt anyone's feelings and will cushion their response by something more neutral to friendly or accepting, so keep that in mind to help you read between the lines.

Anyway, back to the girl I am dating, nothing serious is likely to develop as she lives like 4 hours away during the summer, which is like a little over 2 weeks from today (after finals). Also, she gives me the impression that she moves extremely slow when it comes to physical intimacy, which is something that I don't do because I don't really see a point after the first couple dates. I can understand waiting a week or a little more for sex, but if a girl doesn't kiss or anything within a few dates then I think that's extremely lame and she probably isn't that interested anyway, so I'll likely throw out another tester before moving on for good. I think this girl is going to be like that. This girl is Japanese btw, and a lot of asians_ seem_ to be a little more conservative when it comes to getting physical, etc. Will see what happens. I am not betting on anything really happening with this girl as far as anything physical (much kissing, hugging, etc., especially not sex), and I don't like that. So I'll likely be out again tomorrow getting more numbers. I would like to have a girlfriend, but I also want someone who I'm compatible with. I can't help but think, like how a girl responds to dates, that if a girl was really interested in you romantically that she would have no problem kissing or having sex unless she is EXTREMELY conservative or w/e, so I kind of look at any girl who isn't open to such things as either not compatible with me or simply not romantically interested enough. Will see what happens.

I texted her telling her exactly what I wanted and what I was looking for. I told her I'm looking to date and told her if she's not then that's cool. I also told her I move fast and like to kiss and all that soon. I usually wouldn't text that after just meeting a girl but it was a bit of a tester to see if she would write me off or not--if she was on board with that then she'd still want to date me and we are now on the same page. She still wants to date me, so I guess we are on the same page, for now


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## jsmith92

bwidger85 said:


> Just got back from date on campus. In the past I wouldn't specifically ask for a "coffee date" and I've found sometimes this confuses the meet up, so I made sure to say to meet up for a coffee date with this girl.
> 
> I haven't been on a date for a couple months or so I think, and I've been extremely unsocial as well, so I was a little nervous but it went OK. I found talking to her was pretty easy as she was an outgoing type. I've also dated quiet girls as well and, cool enough, I tend to take over the talking role more with those types.
> 
> Although the date went fine, something about it tells me I won't be dating her for too much longer. She'll likely flake the next time I try to hang out, which is what all the girls who really aren't that interested do. Regardless, it's all good w/e happens.
> 
> This year I've really come to terms with being happy either way. Usually people want this or that, but lately I can't make my mind up want I want more: to date/girlfriend or be alone. I think the only reason why I am trying right now is because I know the experience will be rewarding, and I'll probably regret it later if I don't.
> 
> I've also been thinking a bit about my introversion. It's hard for me to call myself an introvert at times because I see what I enjoy doing depends on a certain amount of conditioning, etc. But I really do enjoy my introversion, a lot. The trick is, don't let it be a negative thing in your mind, because it isn't, and don't think you aren't dynamic. It definitely is no hindrance. I look at it like a preference, regardless if it is more innate than that or not. Don't tell yourself "I can't because I'm 'X'"; rather, look at the bigger picture and realize you are dynamic and can adapt, change, etc., and that's what we are built to do. Extroversion or introversion DOES NOT confine us into any parameters we don't want to be in.


Well dude that's awesome....she wants to date you


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## Brandeezy

The relationship girl who quit talking to me stopped by my job with her mom to shop yesterday. I ran into her out of the blue and she said "Hey" then walked away. I swear **** these *****es


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## TheThinker1

I'm currently saving up for a decent car (VW Golf) as it would probably give me a better chance when it comes to maintaining a long term relationship, because taking the pass and rubbing shoulders with random people doesn't cut it. I'm also trying to improve my speech because I tend to speak quietly when talking to girls.


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## bsd3355

Came back from second date with the girl from last time. I wanted to watch a movie at my place so I can make some moves, basically, but she didn't feel comfortable with that because she didn't feel like she knew me well enough, so instead we went to a local park.  Was there for about an hour just walking around and talking.

Near the end the energy went down a little bit on my end and on hers as well. I wasn't planning on going for a kiss or anything. I dropped her off where I picked her up from campus. Usually I would just go for a kiss or something but, like I said, it wasn't my intention, and I didn't notice and subtle ques on her end that she wanted it when she left the car. So, as always, I remain skeptical that she is actually interested on that level until it actually happens and she keeps hanging out with me. 

This second date was to let her get to know me better. If she declines a movie meet up without trying to schedule anything else then I'll likely move on. I told her what I wanted and if she's not down to watch a movie at my place by now then likely she is not that interested romantically. I'll try for the movie once and if she doesn't go then I may try again in the future and that's it. I'm not going to waste my time on a girl like that. By now the only reason she'd decline or not go for w/e reason she makes up then I'm almost 100% confident she isn't interested romantically, so I'll next her, as she'd likely do to me anyway. 

But until then, I suppose I honestly don't know, so I'll ask for a movie date in a couple days and try to set something up and see what happens. Keep in mind she is basically leaving like 4 hours away during the summer so she's only here for a couple more weeks, so I honestly don't see anything coming from this, unless, we keep in contact, which is something I'm not really sure I'm up for. If I do keep in contact during summer break, which is long, then it will be very casually and when she gets back for the semester best chances are we will start off where we ended last and take it from there, but I put my money on nothing happening. 

All is well though. Such is dating. Many other girls out there. Only thing that sucks is that it goes dead during the summer around here. But I'm not going to stress about it like last year. I got way too much **** to enjoy right now, and I can always go to a bigger city if I am that desperate, which I'm not.

I'll probably post one more update on what is going on with this girl with the movie date and then I'll probably start posting on my blog here. I actually would rather do that than post here. I feel like I talk too much here, or I feel like one of the only people talking here so it doesn't feel right.

On a side note, I find it kind of ridiculous how the very act of people being polite and not saying why they aren't interested and then coming up with lies to decline a date or reject someone ultimately hurts everybody. Imagine if people were just honest when it came to dating and people accepted it as such? I think the very fact that a lot of us struggle with rejection, and also having to deal with white lies, etc., shouldn't be here, and it'd likely be subdued greatly if people were conditioned to be honest. Men and women would meet each other much easier; rejections would be less painful and see more as no big deal because it's conditioned, etc. The very act of not being honest is what has bred the fear of rejection and what has bred people to lie to each other. I'd much rather get told by this girl "Sorry, you're not my type" than to be told "I actually booked all week and don't have any time to hang out". I find it way more insulting to lie to someone and be dishonest than being honest. Girls will even lie about being honest because everyone is so god damn PC. It is totally unnecessary. But it is what it is and I suppose you can't expect people to change so w/e...


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## thecalisthenicsdude

well I asked a girl for a light yesterday. Does that count?


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## sad vlad

Nothing that seems to work.:blank But I can't say I am trying much either.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm going to aim at getting a job. Maybe I'll meet someone at work? 

At least it'll give me some extra income, and I'll be around people. It doesn't help being home, on the computer, all day.


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## bsd3355

I texted the girl and basically asked whether or not she was interested in dating me or not so we didn't have to waste anyone's time. She basically said she wasn't interested. Great. Moving on. Nothing I did wrong. Just wasnt her type


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## pete24

Still nothing as of my last post and that failed date.... Online which is my only resource has been a fail still.

Weekly dating website (POF) stats:

3 messages sent... Both were ignored and not replied 2.
2 sent the first message. Both are not my type. I replied though for a while.

"Meet me" feature up to 368 that want to meet me. (291 are "mutual"). Probably an increase of 10-15 this week.

Sucks


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## fredbloggs02

Nothing. I have always despised the artificiality of organized dating. I think if all I wanted were a casual relationship, that is where I would go to narrow down my options; either there or to a brothel.

Fragile, blackened and impressionable as I know it is, my self is all I have. If I got really close to someone, it would be with all of myself. It would be like becoming more than one consciousness; like giving myself up to a maelstrom or the iris of a black hole. I fear I would never be myself again.

I can play and tease, but this is not what I would go looking for in full possession of my mind.


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## pete24

Says it all today about my luck that I can't even pull a *****.

Made a decision that i'm going to be far from my good guy self online. It brings nothing but rejections from realistic women and these days doesn't get me anywhere at all. Saw this older woman's profile. It was subtly insisting that she was after NSA fun. I googled her username and she's on a swingers website also. Can tell it's her from the pics. From profile feedback she did 8 or 9 meet's at least.

I thought bedroom fun to split things up will probably do me some some good away from all the let downs and sent her a message. WTF though, she doesn't even want NSA fun with me. It's gone the other way, she wants to meet me for a coffee and a chat, get to know me better and maybe form a relationship after a few dates.

It seems i'm relationship material to a ***** who would probably sleep with any other guy, but I can't get in a relationship with anyone that openly wants a relationship


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## Zeeshan

New Girl. Second date tommorrow. Bit conservative. First Dating since last year. Very accommodating,


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## Zeeshan

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I'm going to aim at getting a job. Maybe I'll meet someone at work?
> 
> At least it'll give me some extra income, and I'll be around people. It doesn't help being home, on the computer, all day.


Bad bad idea to date a girl at work..

Bad idea,


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## pete24

Zeeshan said:


> Bad bad idea to date a girl at work..
> 
> Bad idea,


I will second that. First off if you try and pull customers.... If a girl rejects you, they could easily take it further and report it to your manager and there is a chance of having a disciplinary over it. Mostly though in the workplace you won't have a chance to "pull" customers. You will be so busy non stop.

If it's another member of staff you date, things can and probably will get messy. It will be hard to treat them as just another staff member. If a pain in the backside customer came in, you probably wouldn't ask your girlfriend to go through the inconvenience of helping them, it will be another staff member. That will soon be picked up on by other staff members who wont be happy.

Then if it ends.... Effectively it means 1 of you will have to quit your job.

I had first hand experience of that with 1 of the bosses at my work. It was more casual though. At the time I thought it was smart and a brilliant idea.... I got paid to sit around all day, surf the net on my phone, have as many cigarettes as I wanted and have intimate fun in the workplace.

What it lead to though was stirring staff members and in the end I was faced with a choice.... Either to be sacked by the main manager for gross misconduct or to resign. Plus a load of other trouble I didn't want.

"At least it'll give me some extra income, and I'll be around people. It doesn't help being home, on the computer, all day."

What you have to think here, is say for a retail job... They are dead end, entry level jobs that people do purely for the money. If you need the money badly, go for it. If not then it's probably not worth going for


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## Zeeshan

well back in the game after 7 long months, been on 3 dates with this one. We'll see how it goes. 3 dates in 5 nights is way too much IMO


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## londonguy202

Trying to improve myself. I'm straight edge guy but not to the music part. Just the no drug drink and smoke part. I'm looking for similar features in women but still searching. I'm willing to date a women who has been sober but prefer straight edge


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## Rashomon89

I haven't been on date for 6 months almost. On the other hand my social life is "blossoming" and I am challenging my comfort zone as much as I can. I go out in night clubs, dance a lot, have fun with my friends, even earned some money online... Positive side is that I made progress in fighting SA and my circle of friends is widened when compared to six months ago.

But thing that worries me is that I have not made any progress in dating.
In the clubs, few times some really cute & attractive girls kind of approached me after exchanging eye contact and smile. While I dance they would come closer to me, and dance almost touching me, probably waiting for me to initiate something ... but I freeze in those situations, just can't move towards them, hundreds of scenarios come through my head and nothing happens. I know I need to make first move, but every time I fail.

Question to any of you that's successful in approaching girls. What are you thinking in that moment, what's your frame of mind?

I'll try with "baby steps" next time, maybe with approaching and just saying:" hi my name is ...", and moving on 

I know I have to take risk when I go out. I know I'll get rejected many times. I know everything I need to do but that doesn't make anything easier for me...


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## pete24

Some progress....

This always happens, i'm about to delete my POF profile and then I get multiple chicks message me.

4 messaged me over the past few days and I would be well suited to all of them. It's hard to keep track though of having 4 women who are interested (remembering their different interests, hobby's and little things about them). Narrowing it down I cut it down to being in touch with 2.

1 local, 1 quite a distance away. I was ready to cut contact with the 1 who lived a bit of a distance away and have a date with the local girl this weekend but the long distance girl has turned into a dark horse and we have had some really decent banter.

Shes like me in quite a few ways and hates people just like I do.... The serious bummer though is shes 3 hours and a £60 return train ticket away . I explained the situation to her so she fully understood the distance and she's cool with it.


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## jsmith92

I started getting haircuts every week now to keep my confidence up.....for some reason it works for me IDK why


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## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Some progress....
> 
> This always happens, i'm about to delete my POF profile and then I get multiple chicks message me.
> 
> 4 messaged me over the past few days and I would be well suited to all of them. It's hard to keep track though of having 4 women who are interested (remembering their different interests, hobby's and little things about them). Narrowing it down I cut it down to being in touch with 2.
> 
> 1 local, 1 quite a distance away. I was ready to cut contact with the 1 who lived a bit of a distance away and have a date with the local girl this weekend but the long distance girl has turned into a dark horse and we have had some really decent banter.
> 
> Shes like me in quite a few ways and hates people just like I do.... The serious bummer though is shes 3 hours and a £60 return train ticket away . I explained the situation to her so she fully understood the distance and she's cool with it.


You should write a book so far. How many POF dates have you been on? 200 or 300

I mean i have been with atleast 20-30 but you have been continuously doing it


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## Zeeshan

Nothing like seeing a picture of one of your exes who you deeply fell for to bring that feeling in the stomach.


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## Bert Reynolds

My right hand is such a sweet heart...<3 ya babe xoxxoxoxo


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## Randomguy555

pete24 said:


> Some progress....
> 
> This always happens, i'm about to delete my POF profile and then I get multiple chicks message me.
> 
> 4 messaged me over the past few days and I would be well suited to all of them. It's hard to keep track though of having 4 women who are interested (remembering their different interests, hobby's and little things about them). Narrowing it down I cut it down to being in touch with 2.
> 
> 1 local, 1 quite a distance away. I was ready to cut contact with the 1 who lived a bit of a distance away and have a date with the local girl this weekend but the long distance girl has turned into a dark horse and we have had some really decent banter.
> 
> Shes like me in quite a few ways and hates people just like I do.... The serious bummer though is shes 3 hours and a £60 return train ticket away . I explained the situation to her so she fully understood the distance and she's cool with it.


^ Pretty much this lol, I get nothing for a couple days and then all of the sudden everyone wants to hit me up. Then nothing again for a few days.


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## jsmith92

Zeeshan said:


> Nothing like seeing a picture of one of your exes who you deeply fell for to bring that feeling in the stomach.


Lololol so true haha.....I have to see this girl I used to have a thing with every day in one of my classes.....its not fun at all


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## pete24

Well the stuff with my girl (The dark horse who is 3 hours away) is going pear shaped.

She's 22, really into me.... So much stuff in common, shes my type, great personality. She's probably more into me than any other girl has been into me (Sincerely and genuinely).

There is a huge dealbreaker though which is she has slept with 37 guys. Now how many of you would also be put off by this??

When I said in a thread here about my amount being 18 (at the time I think it was), people thought it was a lot.... but geez, c'mon, a 22 year old sleeping with 37 guys...

Since she told me (earlier tonight in a general conversation)... stuff has become distant. She knows i'm not too happy about that, and she's backing off a bit.

It's not at all like I think she is a *****, but really? It's a huge thing to take in, who want's to go somewhere where as many as 37 guys have been?


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## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Well the stuff with my girl (The dark horse who is 3 hours away) is going pear shaped.
> 
> She's 22, really into me.... So much stuff in common, shes my type, great personality. She's probably more into me than any other girl has been into me (Sincerely and genuinely).
> 
> There is a huge dealbreaker though which is she has slept with 37 guys. Now how many of you would also be put off by this??
> 
> When I said in a thread here about my amount being 18 (at the time I think it was), people thought it was a lot.... but geez, c'mon, a 22 year old sleeping with 37 guys...
> 
> Since she told me (earlier tonight in a general conversation)... stuff has become distant. She knows i'm not too happy about that, and she's backing off a bit.
> 
> It's not at all like I think she is a *****, but really? It's a huge thing to take in, who want's to go somewhere where as many as 37 guys have been?


If she doesn't have any STDs and she genuinely likes you and you feel the same way I don't see what the problem is....so what she's more experienced....that is not a bad thing


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## rymo

pete24 said:


> Well the stuff with my girl (The dark horse who is 3 hours away) is going pear shaped.
> 
> She's 22, really into me.... So much stuff in common, shes my type, great personality. She's probably more into me than any other girl has been into me (Sincerely and genuinely).
> 
> There is a huge dealbreaker though which is she has slept with 37 guys. Now how many of you would also be put off by this??
> 
> When I said in a thread here about my amount being 18 (at the time I think it was), people thought it was a lot.... but geez, c'mon, a 22 year old sleeping with 37 guys...
> 
> Since she told me (earlier tonight in a general conversation)... stuff has become distant. She knows i'm not too happy about that, and she's backing off a bit.
> 
> It's not at all like I think she is a *****, but really? It's a huge thing to take in, who want's to go somewhere where as many as 37 guys have been?


Why would you even ask that question? Who gives a ****? If you're interested in have sex with her, then go for it. 37 at age 22 is a ****load of guys and it certainly doesn't spell relationship-material to me, but if it's just sex, who cares? Whether it's 1 or 37 what's the difference? Wrap it up and have fun.


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## rymo

I've been doing some thinking and I realized that I am not doing what I should be doing. I mean I always feel that way, but more and more often I'm trying to get my **** together with all aspects of life - most importantly, with the social aspect. And I've gotten to the point where I should be approaching every damn girl I'm interested in. Because - why not? Why would I hold myself back and live a subpar life because I'm a little nervous or scared?

When I first started talking to girls I forced myself through the pain of the approach. I was utterly inexperienced and it was extremely difficult being rejected left and right. But I did it anyway, because I had had enough of not having a life, not having success with women. I wish everyone could see video of my approaches back then, because they would be absolutely hilarious. All the awkwardness, all the blowouts and the failures. I was bad. Real bad. But in the end it worked out. Because I learned from each and every interaction and got better and better and better.

Then I stopped. I discovered online dating and found success there, and pretty much relied on that for a few years. The art of the approach became lost on me. It was a lot harder in my mind then online dating, in which you break the ice via text instead of spontaneous face-to-face conversation. And in the end I only became more isolated and introverted. But the advantages of approaching are clear. It can transform you into a more social, open person. It's an experience. It can teach you to handle rejection, success, and all kinds of other situations. It can give you confidence, and more reason to be excited about life. And...um...it can get you laid 

And if I could do it when I first started, why can't I do it now? I'm experienced now. I still have self-esteem issues, ego issues, social anxiety, but if I live life to the fullest and take advantage of all the opportunities around me (I live in Brooklyn for ****'s sake), it will exponentially accelerate getting over those issues. And I can't come up with a good answer to why I can't or shouldn't. Can anyone? Why the hell shouldn't all of us be doing this? And I'm not talking about going out specifically to talk to girls, I'm talking about when we're at the grocery store, or the park, or whatever, if we see a girl who we're attracted to and who intrigues us, then we should go for it.

So it's a change I'm incorporating into my life. Approaching girls. Constantly. And all around taking advantage of each and every day. Enough ****ing around, time to go back to my badass roots:

/blog


----------



## pete24

jsmith92 said:


> If she doesn't have any STDs and she genuinely likes you and you feel the same way I don't see what the problem is....so what she's more experienced....that is not a bad thing


Really? Even that amount isn't any cause for concern? It feels like it's going to put some sort of strain on the whole thing, especially in the bedroom with me not being able to get that thought out of my head.

Plus I can't say yeah it's fine and then ask about STD's?

I reckon shes 1 screwed up individual with issues, a messy past (1 bad ex). Some of the sleeping about was to make herself feel better (the rest being ****ty). It said it all really when she was practically begging me to not call it all off but on a social networking account put "Life is so great... Love it" at that exact time (I don't follow her there so she wouldnt of expected me to see it). It's a complete front. So many issues, but covering them up with fakeness.


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Really? Even that amount isn't any cause for concern? It feels like it's going to put some sort of strain on the whole thing, especially in the bedroom with me not being able to get that thought out of my head.
> 
> Plus I can't say yeah it's fine and then ask about STD's?
> 
> I reckon shes 1 screwed up individual with issues, a messy past (1 bad ex). Some of the sleeping about was to make herself feel better (the rest being ****ty). It said it all really when she was practically begging me to not call it all off but on a social networking account put "Life is so great... Love it" at that exact time (I don't follow her there so she wouldnt of expected me to see it). It's a complete front. So many issues, but covering them up with fakeness.


I try to cover my issues up with fakeness......please give her a chance...this is how people leave me...I can't stand seeing it happen to somebody else


----------



## pete24

rymo said:


> Why would you even ask that question? Who gives a ****? If you're interested in have sex with her, then go for it. 37 at age 22 is a ****load of guys and it certainly doesn't spell relationship-material to me, but if it's just sex, who cares? Whether it's 1 or 37 what's the difference? Wrap it up and have fun.


I didn't ask, she brought it up. Given the choice I wouldn't want to know in case there's a number I would rather not hear.

It's not just sex, its a relationship and sex or nothing. If it was just sex I wouldn't care.

I feel it's like I don't want to be with a girl that has been the local bicycle. Don't want thoughts in the bedroom of our special time being shared with 37 other guys.

I know jsmith and I would be 100% be fine about those sorts of issues... but the 37 guy thing feels like a complete killer.

Will just have to have a long think, certainly it's no longer the feeling it was towards her before she told me and that's something I can't do anything to change.


----------



## rymo

pete24 said:


> I didn't ask, she brought it up. Given the choice I wouldn't want to know in case there's a number I would rather not hear.
> 
> It's not just sex, its a relationship and sex or nothing. If it was just sex I wouldn't care.
> 
> I feel it's like I don't want to be with a girl that has been the local bicycle. Don't want thoughts in the bedroom of our special time being shared with 37 other guys.
> 
> Will just have to have a long think, certainly it's no longer the feeling it was before she told me


Not sure what there's to think about. That number is absurd. I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve a relationship, but...well...


----------



## rymo




----------



## Randomguy555

I think you have to figure out the motivation behind the number. Do they just like sex or are there deeper issues like low self worth and attention seeking behavior? If it's the latter and her self worth hangs on everything you do, you're in for a really emotional rollercoaster ride.


----------



## Zeeshan

I would be very putoff by such a high number, 37, def not a keeper. Assuming she started at 16, that 6 guys a year. That means she gets around a lot, and rarely gets into relationships

That's just me though. If she wanted something meaningful she wouldn't have told you


----------



## bsd3355

37 is high. I know if I tried for that I would have to be putting in serious work to make it happen


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> So it's a change I'm incorporating into my life. Approaching girls. Constantly. And all around taking advantage of each and every day. Enough ****ing around, time to go back to my badass roots:
> 
> /blog


That's the spirit. If you keep asking eventually someone you like will say yes, so I see it practically as guaranteed, especially given our age. You can't lose. Put in the time and just ask and it'll happen.


----------



## rymo

bwidger85 said:


> That's the spirit. If you keep asking eventually someone you like will say yes, so I see it practically as guaranteed, especially given our age. You can't lose. Put in the time and just ask and it'll happen.


Yeh for me it's not a question of whether it will happen eventually or not. It's like, I've been down that road I know how it goes. It's just a matter of me holding myself back in general and the more i do that and stay anti-social the more my life is just plain gonna suck and im not going to have all the amazing experiences that i should be having. Talkong to girls is a great way to push out of comfort zones and become more confident in general so you can apply that to all aspects of life. For me it's much more about that than just getting numbers or getting laid. I want to meet cool people and become the person i want to be.


----------



## MrQuiet76

I don't really talk to women at all, ever, anymore. But there's one girl at work who keeps saying to me and other people how hilarious she thinks I am. I don't get why she thinks I'm hilarious considering that all I do at work is stare at the computer all day and endure being made fun of by the boss at our staff meetings. Still it's nice to think an attractive woman thinks I'm funny. Unfortunately as expected, I can't do anything about it because she's about to get married, so there's still little hope for me.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

I have been trying to sign-up on POF for a year now but it's giving me all sorts of errors with usernames etc. Tried it several dozen times so I just give up.


Anyway got back on OKCupid last April 17 after deactivating it for a year. I got 7 chicks that liked and rated me but I didn't know who are those chicks are, and the only way to find out is to pay for a subscription no way. PM'd several girls I got 4 pm responses but still I suck at convo it ends up crap.:no


----------



## Zeeshan

I think the girl I'm seeing now is pretty cool. Been going out for two weeks so its been a good time
I like that she offers to pays texts me first over all good wife material


----------



## pete24

Good news I think... I have given my girl a go and we are in a relationship.

I looked at how it was... I really like her, we get on so well, shes totally my type, so many similarity's and what's more is she is absolutely into me. Can just tell how crazy she is about me.... Like I would not be lying if I said we had 16 hour long phone calls.... She has exceeded her monthly minutes but actually doesn't mind paying extra a minute to talk for hours on end (I'm not even joking, 1 of our last calls was 9pm.... right the way through until 1pm the next day).

Yes there were concerns I put here but sod it.... The way its been shows she truly wants this.


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> Good news I think... I have given my girl a go and we are in a relationship.
> 
> I looked at how it was... I really like her, we get on so well, shes totally my type, so many similarity's and what's more is she is absolutely into me. Can just tell how crazy she is about me.... Like I would not be lying if I said we had 16 hour long phone calls.... She has exceeded her monthly minutes but actually doesn't mind paying extra a minute to talk for hours on end (I'm not even joking, 1 of our last calls was 9pm.... right the way through until 1pm the next day).
> 
> Yes there were concerns I put here but sod it.... The way its been shows she truly wants this.


That's so wonderful man...... Congrats bro.....she truly likes you for you that's hard to find


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> Good news I think... I have given my girl a go and we are in a relationship.
> 
> I looked at how it was... I really like her, we get on so well, shes totally my type, so many similarity's and what's more is she is absolutely into me. Can just tell how crazy she is about me.... Like I would not be lying if I said we had 16 hour long phone calls.... She has exceeded her monthly minutes but actually doesn't mind paying extra a minute to talk for hours on end (I'm not even joking, 1 of our last calls was 9pm.... right the way through until 1pm the next day).
> 
> Yes there were concerns I put here but sod it.... The way its been shows she truly wants this.


Congrats but how can you be in a relationship so quick

I've been dating a girl for almos three weeks and I don't say we are in a relationship


----------



## pete24

Thanks both. Well I think its based purely on the time we have had in contact/together.

Meeting up was the same as it was on the phone, in fact we joked that neither of us have made any effort because no matter what we say... A 2 hour conversation is made out of it. Simply there's countless things in common.

I suppose the other thing is distance... £60 on the train for a return, which has lead to brutal honesty due to that hefty cost. After the first meet up you get a feeling weather it could form a relationship or not.... If it more likely than not will, no point us spending £60 to travel to 3 more dates as single people just to confirm this.

Sadly in some way's, this sort of thing has to happen when it comes to distances. If there's any doubt after the first proper date, it's not worth spending £120+ more to confirm this


----------



## jsmith92

I really want to give up right now but every time I say that I just keep trying


----------



## pete24

jsmith92 said:


> I really want to give up right now but every time I say that I just keep trying


This is the thing....

You feel like you hit a low, no progress... Then give up.... but something often comes out of nowhere.

Seems to be the typical thing, when we are at a point of losing hope, something good seems to happen


----------



## jsmith92

pete24 said:


> This is the thing....
> 
> You feel like you hit a low, no progress... Then give up.... but something often comes out of nowhere.
> 
> Seems to be the typical thing, when we are at a point of losing hope, something good seems to happen


I want to bottom out so badly


----------



## Anxiousbro

jsmith92 said:


> I want to bottom out so badly


take a nap


----------



## Zeeshan

I think that people should do whatever they can to improve themselves physically 

I did and I am finding way more interests from women. Its lime they actually acknowledge my existence


----------



## Cam1

Finally met a girl that I really like so far on OKCupid. We exchanged ~40 messages last night and have lots in common. Everyone says that it's best to ask for a date sooner than later, so I was thinking maybe tonight? Is that too soon? I don't want to wait too long because I'm sure lots of other people might be messaging her too. How can I casually ask her? Should I just ask for her number first?


----------



## jsmith92

Cam1 said:


> Finally met a girl that I really like so far on OKCupid. We exchanged ~40 messages last night and have lots in common. Everyone says that it's best to ask for a date sooner than later, so I was thinking maybe tonight? Is that too soon? I don't want to wait too long because I'm sure lots of other people might be messaging her too. How can I casually ask her? Should I just ask for her number first?


That's awesome dude and yeah ask for her number first and then call her and ask her


----------



## rymo

Cam1 said:


> Finally met a girl that I really like so far on OKCupid. We exchanged ~40 messages last night and have lots in common. Everyone says that it's best to ask for a date sooner than later, so I was thinking maybe tonight? Is that too soon? I don't want to wait too long because I'm sure lots of other people might be messaging her too. How can I casually ask her? Should I just ask for her number first?


What works for me is to just say something like, "Hey so you seem really cool, let's exchange #s and grab a drink. My #s 555-555-5555."


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> What works for me is to just say something like, "Hey so you seem really cool, let's exchange #s and grab a drink. My #s 555-555-5555."


I'm in high school so what is recommended for me


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> I'm in high school so what is recommended for me


I was talking about online dating, but in real life you don't give your number you just ask for theirs.


----------



## rdrr

Cam1 said:


> Finally met a girl that I really like so far on OKCupid. We exchanged ~40 messages last night and have lots in common. Everyone says that it's best to ask for a date sooner than later, so I was thinking maybe tonight? Is that too soon? I don't want to wait too long because I'm sure lots of other people might be messaging her too. How can I casually ask her? Should I just ask for her number first?


Ask for her number, then call her and set up a date. Don't waste all your time and energy just messaging her. Take her out to something casual and see if you can click offline.


----------



## Cam1

rymo said:


> What works for me is to just say something like, "Hey so you seem really cool, let's exchange #s and grab a drink. My #s 555-555-5555."


Thanks Rymo, I used this, though left out the drink part because she's only 19. Should have replaced it with something else, but she ended up sending me a text and we chatted that way for a bit.



jsmith92 said:


> That's awesome dude and yeah ask for her number first and then call her and ask her





rdrr said:


> Ask for her number, then call her and set up a date. Don't waste all your time and energy just messaging her. Take her out to something casual and see if you can click offline.


Okay, I'm going to call her tomorrow night and ask her out. I'm TERRIBLE at talking on the phone though, but plan to just keep it simple and brief. Hoping I can keep my composure.


----------



## DannyBoy64

Well I've been on POF and I messaged several girls, but they either never responded back and just looked at my profile or does respond and we have a chat, then no more responses afterwards. The same thing happens with OKCupid too.


----------



## Zeeshan

DannyBoy64 said:


> Well I've been on POF and I messaged several girls, but they either never responded back and just looked at my profile or does respond and we have a chat, then no more responses afterwards. The same thing happens with OKCupid too.


Most likely reason is they didn't find you attractive in your pics


----------



## rymo

DannyBoy64 said:


> Well I've been on POF and I messaged several girls, but they either never responded back and just looked at my profile or does respond and we have a chat, then no more responses afterwards. The same thing happens with OKCupid too.


What's "several"?


----------



## DannyBoy64

rymo said:


> What's "several"?


Like about seven a week.


----------



## rymo

DannyBoy64 said:


> Like about seven a week.


What's an example of a message you've sent?


----------



## DannyBoy64

rymo said:


> What's an example of a message you've sent?


Usually a wide variety due to POF's terms, but it usually is like this: Hello, how are you doing? I have read your profile and found it interesting. I see you like to write. I am a writer myself. What genre do you like to write? 
I hope you have the time to chat and have a great day!

Somewhere along those lines. I was told that it is how to write a first message. I'm not really into online dating a whole lot now and I'm probably going to talk to girls at my college.


----------



## rymo

DannyBoy64 said:


> Usually a wide variety due to POF's terms, but it usually is like this: Hello, how are you doing? I have read your profile and found it interesting. I see you like to write. I am a writer myself. What genre do you like to write?
> I hope you have the time to chat and have a great day!
> 
> Somewhere along those lines. I was told that it is how to write a first message. I'm not really into online dating a whole lot now and I'm probably going to talk to girls at my college.


Kudos for having the desire to talk to girls at your school. In my opinion approaching girls consistently is the absolute best way to overcome many different social fears. However, as far as the online thing goes, that is not a very good message. It's boring, robotic, and too safe. Even though you're not interested in online dating anymore, I'll explain why anyway:

_ "How are you doing?" _ 
What are they going to say besides "good" (or more gramatically, "well")? This question is just fluff, it's rarely going to lead to something interesting. Just say Hello or Hey, [NAME]! and that's fine for a greeting.

_"I have read your profile and found it interesting"_
DUH! She knows you found her interesting, that's why you're messaging her! More fluff.

_"I see you like to write."_
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Something that actually shows you read her profile instead of just saying you did.

_"I am a writer myself. What genre do you like to write?"_ 
The first part is good because you are relating to her. The second part is...boring. I'm not saying something like this couldn't ever work, but it's not a very intriguing question on its own. Try to build up a flirty/interesting vibe in your message and THEN ask that.

_"I hope you have the time to chat and have a great day!"_
Have a great day is fine, I *hope* you have the time to chat comes off as needy.

---

So...something better would be:

_Hey, XYZ!

I'm intrigued by the fact that you're a writer; it means you're most likely creative, well-read, and intelligent - attributes that go a long way toward making someone an interesting person, and certainly making someone stand out from the crowd on this site. How do I know? I'm a writer myself ;P

I actually just finished writing a non-fiction about Abraham Lincoln and I'm hoping to get it published in the school newspaper, so wish me luck! What have you been working on as of late? Oh, and what do you do for fun when you're not writing up a storm?

Cheers,
Danny Boy
_


----------



## changeme77

I'm getting a penis extension. If it doesn't get me the girl, at least I can become a porn star and make some cash.


----------



## Sourdog

Messaged a girl I haven't talked to in awhile. Not sure if it was a good idea or not.


----------



## Sourdog

changeme77 said:


> I'm getting a penis extension. If it doesn't get me the girl, at least I can become a porn star and make some cash.


Oh god, DON'T DO IT!


----------



## bsd3355

changeme77 said:


> I'm getting a penis extension. If it doesn't get me the girl, at least I can become a porn star and make some cash.


Tried that. Didn't work. Fell off a few weeks after surgery. Now I'm left with a stump and a rubber pencil. :no


----------



## DannyBoy64

Well thank you for your critique rymo. Maybe I'll try again in the future.

While we are on the topic of approaching women, do you have any ideas on what to say first?


----------



## rymo

DannyBoy64 said:


> Well thank you for your critique rymo. Maybe I'll try again in the future.
> 
> While we are on the topic of approaching women, do you have any ideas on what to say first?


While I wouldn't recommend it as an online message or when approaching girls at night, when approaching girls during the day a perfectly fine way to go about it is to tell them you think they're cute/adorable/pretty/whatever. Something like, "Hey there! [get their attention] Hey, I just saw you from over there and thought you were adorable so I had to say hello. [stick out hand for handshake] Im Danny Boy."

That's all you'll ever need to say to approach a girl during the day. Girls like getting compliments when they're going about their day (as long as you don't over-do it) because it's unexpected. At night when out at a club or a bar (or online), every guy and their brother is saying, "HURRR UR 2 CUTE BB". It's just so typical and expected in those environments. During the day, it's much more exciting and intriguing for a girl, as long as you come off as genuine and confident when you say it. Standing up straight, SMILING!!!!, holding eye contact, and non-wimpy handshaking.


----------



## jsmith92

Sourdog said:


> Messaged a girl I haven't talked to in awhile. Not sure if it was a good idea or not.


I did that this summer.....the girl didn't respond....she's kind of an ex of mine in a way but not completely..... We never really got into a relationship because I messed it all up


----------



## Tabris

Making alllllll kinds of gains.


----------



## Sourdog

jsmith92 said:


> I did that this summer.....the girl didn't respond....she's kind of an ex of mine in a way but not completely..... We never really got into a relationship because I messed it all up


Mines a bit like that too. We got along well in College, I always walked her to her dorm and we were a bit touchy feely. I could tell she liked me, but I never made a move. All of a sudden she left, she didn't even tell me. It sucks because shes the only girl I've gotten close to in my whole life....sad really. Haven't heard from her since. I just felt like messaging her yesterday to catch up, but she hasn't responded yet. I have a bad feeling she won't.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Mines a bit like that too. We got along well in College, I always walked her to her dorm and we were a bit touchy feely. I could tell she liked me, but I never made a move. All of a sudden she left, she didn't even tell me. It sucks because shes the only girl I've gotten close to in my whole life....sad really. Haven't heard from her since. I just felt like messaging her yesterday to catch up, but she hasn't responded yet. I have a bad feeling she won't.


Are you sure she kept your number,

its not at all unusual to hit up an old flame, but its not a good sign when they dont respond. It usually means they aren't excited to hear from you or are seeing someone, and they don't feel comfortable answering your text


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> Are you sure she kept your number,
> 
> its not at all unusual to hit up an old flame, but its not a good sign when they dont respond. It usually means they aren't excited to hear from you or are seeing someone, and they don't feel comfortable answering your text


Yeah I regret messaging her now. She replied, but I cut the conversation short. I have no clue why I thought that was a good idea.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Yeah I regret messaging her now. She replied, but I cut the conversation short. I have no clue why I thought that was a good idea.


What did she reply?


----------



## Sourdog

Zeeshan said:


> What did she reply?


Nothing bad just regular stuff. I just realized in the middle of messaging her that I really don't want to talk to her. There was really no point in it since we live so far away from each other and are going to different schools now. for some reason the other day I thought it was a good idea, I don't know what I was thinking.


----------



## herk

listening to podcasts and eating junk food all day


----------



## andy1984

i'm not doing anything to get a girl. i think i'm slowly realising that i just don't want one right now. i have a fwb thing going on which is kind of annoying but nice sometimes...


----------



## pete24

I don't know if I even fancy my new girlfriend now. Time and time again this happens though when looking for a girl.

I find someone I get on really well with and feel attracted to... All seems logical to arrange dates yeah?

Everything goes well and after a few weeks or months we form a relationship. Barely any time into the relationship and it's like they suddenly transform from someone I truly find attractive and like, to someone I find disgusting and no longer want to be with.

The social anxiety makes me stay with them though because ending it will mean I have to go back to a miserable life that isn't worth living (literally). In the end if the SA doesn't kill things, my subconscious lack of effort ends up killing it.


----------



## bsd3355

^I get these types of experiences when I am looking outside myself for my internal angst. The thinking of "I need a girlfriend to be happy" simply is not true. Sometimes we have to experience that the grass isn't always greener on the other side to fully internalize this and be OK either way. I have internalized this more recently.


----------



## Zeeshan

pete24 said:


> I don't know if I even fancy my new girlfriend now. Time and time again this happens though when looking for a girl.
> 
> I find someone I get on really well with and feel attracted to... All seems logical to arrange dates yeah?
> 
> Everything goes well and after a few weeks or months we form a relationship. Barely any time into the relationship and it's like they suddenly transform from someone I truly find attractive and like, to someone I find disgusting and no longer want to be with.
> 
> The social anxiety makes me stay with them though because ending it will mean I have to go back to a miserable life that isn't worth living (literally). In the end if the SA doesn't kill things, my subconscious lack of effort ends up killing it.


Well i dont understand why you jump into things so quickly. Its like you meet a girl, and then you are skyping for 10 hours a day. You gotta draw boundaries.

I found that when i was doing that my relationships were unhealthy to start with, usually girls who jump in like that are unhealthy to begin with. Emotionally Healthy woman take time to become attached.


----------



## pete24

Yeah that is true and I agree that people should appreciate and be happy while single. SA I think just seems to be the killer blow for all that. If I look at what I have achieved in the last year of being single... There isn't 1 thing. Not through lack of plans or ambition, but through SA and no friends killing any plans. Effectively all I have been able to do is get drunk once a week in the pub, smoke way too much and gamble away more than £5000 as theres nothing else for me to do with the cash. 

I don't usually jump in to things as quick as this 1 Zee, the last was progression over a few months. Indeed that is true but maybe with distance things have to progress quicker? Like this 1 would of been a slower progression and more dates if we didn't live so far away. If we lived in the same town, totally... there wouldn't be as much contact and things would move slower. However 10 hours on skype is probably only equal to being together for 1 hour in person


----------



## bsd3355

pete24 said:


> Yeah that is true and I agree that people should appreciate and be happy while single. SA I think just seems to be the killer blow for all that. If I look at what I have achieved in the last year of being single... There isn't 1 thing. Not through lack of plans or ambition, but through SA and no friends killing any plans. Effectively all I have been able to do is get drunk once a week in the pub, smoke way too much and gamble away more than £5000 as theres nothing else for me to do with the cash.


Do you think having a girlfriend will somehow fix that and make you a better more productive person? If so, then you are likely putting way too much importance on it, which also will make your happiness dependent on her to complete you. Maybe the reason why you lost interest in this girl was because you expected too much from her and once you achieved what you wanted you realized it wasn't what you expected? This happens your expectations of something is somewhat exaggerated.

I know the feeling, and I don't think I could of come to certain realizations without going through those experiences myself, so I'm not trying to be condescending. Right now I am kind of at odds with _why _a girlfriend is important to me. A part of me knows it will not change much but maybe every now and then give me some chemical rush. I don't want to be egoistically identified and attached to the person either. I enjoy my solitude a lot, so I have a hard time conceptualizing the reason. The main reason I did so much approaches and dated in the past was to prove certain things to myself, and now that I have, I'm not even sure I want it tbh. In the past I would want a girlfriend to feel normal, as that was an insecurity of mine, which led me to see being single as a problem to fix; now I am not nearly as hard on myself because I see when it is an ego thing and I also realize that nothing REALLY changes much when you have a girlfriend, so there has to be something more that draws me to it, which I haven't felt for a while now. I really don't feel any reason for me to have one. Sometimes I think it is sex, but that is a fleeting pleasure and not very substantial alone for a real girlfriend.


----------



## rymo

Balance and moderation in all things. You don't feel that nagging need to find a gf or sex because you dont have an ego about it anymore and aren't doing it to satisfy an insecurity. That's a relatively new feeling, so now you need to calibrate to being a more confident person and dating to enrich your life and other's lives instead of just doing it to answer questions about yourself. Now it's time for you to date because you enjoy it, and balance it into all of the other things you do to make yourself happy.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Balance and moderation in all things. You don't feel that nagging need to find a gf or sex because you dont have an ego about it anymore and aren't doing it to satisfy an insecurity. That's a relatively new feeling, so now you need to calibrate to being a more confident person and dating to enrich your life and other's lives instead of just doing it to answer questions about yourself. Now it's time for you to date because you enjoy it, and balance it into all of the other things you do to make yourself happy.


Yeah. Knowing me, I'll be out there again soon for the experience--kind of like how you described. The experience of it seems appealing the most to me right now. Who knows. Honestly, I change my mind so much about this stuff it is kind of ridiculous lol


----------



## rymo

Having a lot of trouble approaching girls lately. I've started taking melatonin at night to help regulate my sleep schedule and it has been an absolute godsend. But as I am more clearheaded, slightly less anxious, and much less tired in general now, my expectations have gone up as well. In the past I would consistently wake up exhausted and super late, and I would just give up on making social breakthroughs that day. There was a kind of comfort in that. Not putting any pressure on myself. Now I have no excuse not to approach, so when I don't...it's such a morale killer. I know I just have to push through it and do it anyway, so that's what I'm going to try to do.


----------



## kursedlife

I've tried everything. Nothing seems to work.


----------



## bsd3355

rymo said:


> Having a lot of trouble approaching girls lately. I've started taking melatonin at night to help regulate my sleep schedule and it has been an absolute godsend. But as I am more clearheaded, slightly less anxious, and much less tired in general now, my expectations have gone up as well. In the past I would consistently wake up exhausted and super late, and I would just give up on making social breakthroughs that day. There was a kind of comfort in that. Not putting any pressure on myself. Now I have no excuse not to approach, so when I don't...it's such a morale killer. I know I just have to push through it and do it anyway, so that's what I'm going to try to do.


It's good you have experience, so you know what you have to do.

A little outside of your post a bit:

Something as simple as asking someone out or asking for a phone number took me so long to be able to simplify. And I use the term "simplify" because, honestly, the process is and should be technically simple. A lot of people think you have to have long drawn out conversations with someone you just met to get a number or date, but you don't. Literally, the only thing people should concern themselves with while asking someone out or for their number is simply asking in a way that is not creepy.

You can date a complete stranger by seeing them, being honest and giving them a compliment, have a small conversation to ease tension and then just ask. Literally, that's it. I think for a lot of beginners it is hard to imagine that because it's so easy and so they think they have to do more, but the truth is girls/men make quick decisions whether they want to date you or not, and it's typically based on the same criteria you are looking for, which is also a fast judgement decision. A girl who wants to date you will appreciate you asked and will accept, and a girl who doesn't will decline, so don't complicate things and accept it at a simple basis (you didn't mess anything up by asking).

With what I said, imagine asking 10 girls/guys a night for a date or their number? You are dramatically increasing your odds. Online seems to be a little bit more competitive for men, so I personally expect it to have higher rejection rates, and it usually does. The benefit of real life is I think your odds are greater if you are looking at it from a statistical point of view. Still, either way it's basically the same process.


----------



## DannyBoy64

I had met someone from that badoo thing, but when I went on a date with her, I discovered that she was 15 and I thought she was 18. Yeah, I am 19, but I am still more than 4 years older than her.


----------



## buklti

Going on a date this weekend. Yay!


----------



## jsmith92

bucklti said:


> Going on a date this weekend. Yay!


Lucky duck


----------



## WillYouStopDave

What am I doing to "get" a woman (girl is a little off at my age)? Nothing. But then again, I'm pretty sure my existence is incompatible with "having" a woman. No woman would want to live with someone like me. I wouldn't be able to contribute what a woman would expect to the relationship and basically, I would be a freeloader. 

If such a relationship were even possible (which is highly unlikely) I will avoid even trying to make it happen for as long as possible because it would not be a good situation for either party. My life already sucks. I already have to use people (parents) to get by. That already makes me feel like ****. But at least they are not entirely blameless. Having children is a decision that contains within it the understanding that absolutely anything could possibly go wrong and you cannot control the future.


----------



## ALWAYSLate

right now absolutely nothing and I am hoping to get to the swing of things soon just too preoccupied to focus on this right now. But, I know It will be painful right out of the gates because I am a social moron with little experiences. 

Should I just try online dating? I have tried craigslist only as a quick trial since it's so open and direct to try easily but what you find is crazy girls and scammers. Actually had an interestd girl and got to meet and seemed nice and attractive, but I didn't pay attention to her enough so It was over before it began and my nerves took over my body like I was naked in the Antarctica when I would chat.

I would try a girl out in public going who knows where, but I always think in the back of mind this is crazy because my life just sucks and it is going to show soon. I hate talking to girls only to discover she is much more well off than me. I would feel like a fool and that would take over on the inside.


----------



## jsmith92

Today I had a decent conversation with this girl in my class.....I kind of have a crush on her too....so this is a big step here


----------



## jsmith92

failoutboy said:


> Today I did 10 toe touches and then attempted the splits.


Ouch


----------



## Zeeshan

So anyways i have been seeing this girl now for about a month (A bit more I think), and things are moving along positively. we agreed to make it official and call each other BF/GF while at the same time throwing in a few caution flags, 

we are both on the same page, and she is coming to spend some nights over. However recently she had to tell me that one of her best friends is a guy, and that apparently they had dated a few years back. However she wanted to make sure that i knew about it, 

I am honestly a bit undecided. She said they aren't in contact like they used to be (He lives in a neighboring city) however his family is here. She said that they never had a spark, and that they wanted to date to see what it was like but nothing developed. 

On one end things are going so well. I also know that i was Best friends with a girl, and she was seeing someone else. Eventually they ended up marrying and their was nothing between us. She tells me if you see him you will realize that he is not a guy's guy

Her and another friend have some plans to go on a trip, which she had mentioned earlier in the relationship. The thing is I am not that emotionally invested. She is though very. I like things about her, She's nice attractive presentable, basically everything i want. However after the events of last few years I am not sure if I can ever fall in love again. I think that things have just moved on with my mindset that I am not sure if there is a perfect girl for me. What i like about her the most is that she is emotionally and mentally healthy

So I dont know I guess.


----------



## sad vlad

Working on leaving a better impression, so I am trying to decide between learning striptease or pole dancing. Tough choice, I know, but I think any of those would get me loads of girls, not just one. :yes


----------



## MrQuiet76

i'm gonna get a chemical peel. that will definitely get me a girl


----------



## Jesuszilla

I met a really awesome girl. We have so much in common. She's also very nice, funny, she's a pretty hardcore gamer, doesn't drink or do drugs, a big wrestling fan, likes cartoons as much as I do, in short she's like a dream girl. She told me she wants to take things slow and doesn't want sex until she's in love which is perfectly fine with me. I am always up front with that I want a relationship. So let's see how this goes.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> I met a really awesome girl. We have so much in common. She's also very nice, funny, she's a pretty hardcore gamer, doesn't drink or do drugs, a big wrestling fan, likes cartoons as much as I do, in short she's like a dream girl. She told me she wants to take things slow and doesn't want sex until she's in love which is perfectly fine with me. I am always up front with that I want a relationship. So let's see how this goes.


Man you are so lucky


----------



## Jesuszilla

jsmith92 said:


> Man you are so lucky


In this case I do feel lucky. But we'll see how things progress before getting too excited. I've had my share of good dates with 2 girls this year. The first ended up moving out of state but not before ignoring me and the second just did me wrong that I'm not going to get into. Hopefully third times the charm. So far very good and her wanting to take things a little slower is a major benefit.


----------



## anomnomnom

I didnt leave the house today..and I probably won't leave the house tomorrow! 


I can laugh and joke about it now, I'll regret it later on, I never actively seek out a relationship, seems like way too much hassle and my previous ones went sour so whatever


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Absolutely nothing! :boogie


----------



## Sean Doherty

I seriously think I have been friend zoned by every girl in my town even before I've met them. I ask them out or for their number but it's always the same "I'm taken or no". The hell am I doing wrong?!


----------



## buklti

jsmith92 said:


> Lucky duck


Don't be jealous, it didn't go very well. She seemed uncomfortable around me. She probably won't go on a second date. I guess ill find out.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Just got back from the date and it was another good one. We walked around and talked for an hour and a half then we were going to bowl but there was a one hour wait time so we just went to the cinema across the street. Finished the night with some late night ice cream and making out and overall we had a blast.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Okay, I'm going to seriously update my dating profile. Being that I'm in college, getting my driver's license, and looking for a job, I don't have a lot of time to spend on this...but I've already noticed some cute girls checking out my old profile, so maybe not all is lost.

I think what my issue is is that my pic is highly photoshopped. I've literally got a warm glow on my face, to hide the fat. It makes me look thinner, but I'm afraid that the cute girls who are checking out my profile based on the pic would run a mile if they saw me on Skype, or...something. I'm not all together disgusting, but I do need to lose weight. 

Any tips? The last time I tried talking to a girl via online dating, it was a year ago, and the conversation fizzled out. I'd like to avoid it this time. Also, when should I move it from texting, to actual Skype and phone conversations? I don't want to wait too long, and I think that's what happened with the last girl.

Also, what is MeetMe? POF has this new feature, and 7 random girls have clicked that they want to "meet me"...but when I signed up, this feature wasn't available. I checked them out, and they're pretty, but what the hell is MeetMe?


----------



## Brandeezy

Nada, I haven't thought about dating in about 3 or 4 months now. No online or anything. I plan on traveling outside of the country at the end of the year so maybe i'll meet someone out there but idk where i want to go yet.


----------



## Zeeshan

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Okay, I'm going to seriously update my dating profile. Being that I'm in college, getting my driver's license, and looking for a job, I don't have a lot of time to spend on this...but I've already noticed some cute girls checking out my old profile, so maybe not all is lost.
> 
> I think what my issue is is that my pic is highly photoshopped. I've literally got a warm glow on my face, to hide the fat. It makes me look thinner, but I'm afraid that the cute girls who are checking out my profile based on the pic would run a mile if they saw me on Skype, or...something. I'm not all together disgusting, but I do need to lose weight.
> 
> Any tips? The last time I tried talking to a girl via online dating, it was a year ago, and the conversation fizzled out. I'd like to avoid it this time. Also, when should I move it from texting, to actual Skype and phone conversations? I don't want to wait too long, and I think that's what happened with the last girl.
> 
> Also, what is MeetMe? POF has this new feature, and 7 random girls have clicked that they want to "meet me"...but when I signed up, this feature wasn't available. I checked them out, and they're pretty, but what the hell is MeetMe?


meetme is like POFs like button


----------



## Tomyx

I send messages on dating sites until I get a bite, go on a first date, screw it up, and try again. I do this for 60 years, and then I die. Life complete.


----------



## pete24

Yeah meet me on POF means sod all.... most people click blindly and it means crap. When I used POF before I met my gf I had 350+ women who clicked yes on "meet me". A lot were not interested though.


----------



## IcedOver

I posted last year about my travails in trying to meet someone. Granted, what I'm looking for isn't necessarily regular dating. I had a couple things going with women that seemed promising, and one I even met, but they both flaked out, leaving me in a definite funk. For most of this year I haven't been trying too hard and have had almost no activity. Then the other day I got a message from someone who seems genuinely interested, but is hesitant. We've traded a couple messages, and I'm really trying to "play" this right. It's just the waiting for reply messages that is agonizing. I'm not saying that I expect someone to jump on replying to my messages, just that the not knowing is very draining -- not knowing whether I've said something wrong and turned her off.

How do you guys deal with the "waiting for reply" anxiety?


----------



## rymo

IcedOver said:


> I posted last year about my travails in trying to meet someone. Granted, what I'm looking for isn't necessarily regular dating. I had a couple things going with women that seemed promising, and one I even met, but they both flaked out, leaving me in a definite funk. For most of this year I haven't been trying too hard and have had almost no activity. Then the other day I got a message from someone who seems genuinely interested, but is hesitant. We've traded a couple messages, and I'm really trying to "play" this right. It's just the waiting for reply messages that is agonizing. I'm not saying that I expect someone to jump on replying to my messages, just that the not knowing is very draining -- not knowing whether I've said something wrong and turned her off.
> 
> How do you guys deal with the "waiting for reply" anxiety?


By arranging a meet-up as soon as possible. No waiting for a reply in person.


----------



## Tomyx

IcedOver said:


> I posted last year about my travails in trying to meet someone. Granted, what I'm looking for isn't necessarily regular dating. I had a couple things going with women that seemed promising, and one I even met, but they both flaked out, leaving me in a definite funk. For most of this year I haven't been trying too hard and have had almost no activity. Then the other day I got a message from someone who seems genuinely interested, but is hesitant. We've traded a couple messages, and I'm really trying to "play" this right. It's just the waiting for reply messages that is agonizing. I'm not saying that I expect someone to jump on replying to my messages, just that the not knowing is very draining -- not knowing whether I've said something wrong and turned her off.
> 
> How do you guys deal with the "waiting for reply" anxiety?


 Don't wait. I just keep sending messages or go do something else. If they wait for a few days, and I actually care to remember them, I send another message. It's worse when it's actually a female worthy of knowing, but otherwise just do other things, constantly.


----------



## IcedOver

Yeah, I'm trying not to focus on it, but I get anxiety when I know someone has read my message but not replied, especially when we had traded several previous e-mails. I keep checking my e-mail. Perhaps it's good that I don't have the internet at home (just work and library), because the fact that I don't have an avenue to check it makes me not have that outlet. I'm low tech, and I just have a simple flip TracFone. I used to be able to check my e-mail on it, but not open any links, and it sucked because, when I was corresponding with these women last year, I checked it so often that my minutes balance depleted quickly. At the start of the year, my e-mail switched to a secure socket, and I can no longer check my e-mail on the phone, which I guess is good. 

Anyway, I'm trying not to get my hopes up for this latest thing because several disappointments have taught me how flaky women are. Still, having zero experience with women at my age makes me grasp onto anything.


----------



## rymo

IcedOver said:


> Yeah, I'm trying not to focus on it, but I get anxiety when I know someone has read my message but not replied, especially when we had traded several previous e-mails. I keep checking my e-mail. Perhaps it's good that I don't have the internet at home (just work and library), because the fact that I don't have an avenue to check it makes me not have that outlet. I'm low tech, and I just have a simple flip TracFone. I used to be able to check my e-mail on it, but not open any links, and it sucked because, when I was corresponding with these women last year, I checked it so often that my minutes balance depleted quickly. At the start of the year, my e-mail switched to a secure socket, and I can no longer check my e-mail on the phone, which I guess is good.
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying not to get my hopes up for this latest thing because several disappointments have taught me how flaky women are. Still, having zero experience with women at my age makes me grasp onto anything.


Only way it gets easier is with experience, so ya gotta go through the motions and deal with those annoying anxious feelings. Just know that everyone has to deal with those pangs at some point, even guys with a lot of experience who are trying to get a girl they really like. Try to accept those feelings as part of the game, and don't make yourself feel bad about them because of your age or any other reason. In other words, you're going to feel ****ty at times, so just accept those feelings as normal as best you can.


----------



## IcedOver

Thanks rymo. I'm trying not to care and have almost marked it down as another flake-out. However, she did seem pretty interested, so that's why I'm still preoccupied (and she contacted me first, actually kind of a follow-up to two messages we exchanged last Fall). I sent a message on Thursday evening and she read that, then on Friday morning I sent another quick message to tell her I had put up a photo, as I hadn't had one before. She read that late last night -- still no reply. I'm only at work until this afternoon, and I won't have any access to e-mail until Tuesday because the library is closed, so the anxiety will be pretty high.


----------



## Cam1

Well, I did it again. I start talking to people through these dating sites and we seem to have some sort of "connection" (or whatever you want to call it, tough to tell through text). Then once they want to meet it's like I get bored with them and start losing the desire to continue. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't really seem fair to jerk people around like this. Maybe I just bail out once things become more serious than online chat, or maybe I secretly enjoy getting people to like me only to disappoint them :stu

Either way, I'm done trying for a while. I'm clearly not ready to be pursuing anything.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I really need to learn how to attract girls with less active social lives who aren't so extroverted and always with friends etc. because any time I talk to this girl and she's busy with friends taking forever to call or text back I feel so lonely. I don't feel rejected or that she doesn't like me, it's just I really enjoy her company and want to spend as much time as possible with her. Meanwhile, she probably feels the same way but have lots and lots of friends to keep herself occupied like last night when she went to a party while I worked. 

I'm not even attached to her like some pathetic puppy dog, I just don't have any friends to do anything with. With the exception of going out with her my life is pretty much work and home. I have been leaving the house doing random activities but it's still difficult due to the loneliness. With that said maybe I'm just in my head since I'm waiting for her to respond so we can go out later tonight haha.


----------



## rymo

Cam1 said:


> Well, I did it again. I start talking to people through these dating sites and we seem to have some sort of "connection" (or whatever you want to call it, tough to tell through text). Then once they want to meet it's like I get bored with them and start losing the desire to continue. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't really seem fair to jerk people around like this. Maybe I just bail out once things become more serious than online chat, or maybe I secretly enjoy getting people to like me only to disappoint them :stu
> 
> Either way, I'm done trying for a while. I'm clearly not ready to be pursuing anything.


You clearly just don't want to bruise your ego by potentially being rejected in real life, OR you are giving yourself an ego boost by pseudo-rejecting people like you described. One of those, maybe combined with a lil of the ol' SA making you not feel like going out. But the reasons don't matter too much. The reality is that waiting around for that perfect time to be ready to pursue something isn't going to get you anywhere. It's just not going to happen. You have to train yourself mentally to be stronger and more outgoing by just doing it - taking those opportunities that present themselves and even making some opportunities of your own. Not easy, tho ;P

But...deep down you clearly want to meet someone, so ultimately you should just do it. You never know what could happen, and _not _ going out will only help to put you into more of a funk.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> I really need to learn how to attract girls with less active social lives who aren't so extroverted and always with friends etc. because any time I talk to this girl and she's busy with friends taking forever to call or text back I feel so lonely. I don't feel rejected or that she doesn't like me, it's just I really enjoy her company and want to spend as much time as possible with her. Meanwhile, she probably feels the same way but have lots and lots of friends to keep herself occupied like last night when she went to a party while I worked.
> 
> I'm not even attached to her like some pathetic puppy dog, I just don't have any friends to do anything with. With the exception of going out with her my life is pretty much work and home. I have been leaving the house doing random activities but it's still difficult due to the loneliness. With that said maybe I'm just in my head since I'm waiting for her to respond so we can go out later tonight haha.


That's how I feel sometimes. Like I want someone to be there just to sate my loneliness. If I had more friends it would be no problem, and I would be far more relaxed when it comes to this stuff. As it is I just have had to learn how to deal with those feelings on my own. Though historically, when I'm with friends and I'm pursuing a woman who is flaky/not very responsive, I end up whining about the situation to them. So for me, getting more friends _and_ trying to be in the moment, just with those friends, and not unnecessarily bring my worries into that situation.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> That's how I feel sometimes. Like I want someone to be there just to sate my loneliness. If I had more friends it would be no problem, and I would be far more relaxed when it comes to this stuff. As it is I just have had to learn how to deal with those feelings on my own. Though historically, when I'm with friends and I'm pursuing a woman who is flaky/not very responsive, I end up whining about the situation to them. So for me, getting more friends _and_ trying to be in the moment, just with those friends, and not unnecessarily bring my worries into that situation.


Well she's not flaky though. We have went out the last 3 weekends and have had lots of fun. It's just that unlike me, she's very social and has tons of friends so she is almost always busy except for when we talk or text each other.

It is probably the combination of loneliness and genuinely enjoying her company but I want to spend more time with her than simply our weekends out. But it's difficult right now because of work. With my job firing everybody left and right there are few employees there and A TON of overtime. Things are so bad that my co-workers and I split overtime for certain days because otherwise there'd be almost nobody at work. This causes us to only see each other one day a week: Saturdays because I'm often so worn out and tired from work I don't leave the house. Or if I make plans on a day other than Saturday she's always, always, always out doing something with someone.

This is why I wish I could attract shy girls or girls with little friends because this probably wouldn't be as much of an issue I assume.

Edit: I guess it's irrelevant now. She wants to hang out tomorrow because she's busy right now.


----------



## Handsome Beast

Well I decided to try one of them new newfangled online things!

Well, okay, this is the 4th attempt after giving up 7 year ago. But nothing's been the norm for that time so I have to do something. Living in a small town in no where VA makes it a pain not to mention my age. But I can't stand it anymore! So we'll see how it goes.


----------



## rymo

Handsome Beast said:


> Well I decided to try one of them new newfangled online things!
> 
> Well, okay, this is the 4th attempt after giving up 7 year ago. But nothing's been the norm for that time so I have to do something. Living in a small town in no where VA makes it a pain not to mention my age. But I can't stand it anymore! So we'll see how it goes.


Good luck!


----------



## Handsome Beast

Thanx rymo! I is gonna need it!


----------



## rymo

I posted this in another thread, but I think this is _incredibly_ important for everyone to watch, as it does make a huge difference in how confident you sound to girls (or anyone) and how confident you feel:


----------



## rymo

Trying to show the good side of pick up. Non-misogynistic, no routines or lines, no ridiculous over-the-top challenges. Just quality videos with solid life advice:


----------



## IcedOver

Just to post an update, I actually got a response back, and the answer is . . . negative (imagine a "Price is Right" loser buzzer sounding). I thought she was at least somewhat interested in doing what I had proposed, or she wouldn't have contacted me. However, she said that she spent the weekend thinking heavily on it and trying to decide whether she would truly be interested, and came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be. I can respect that, I guess, but I just don't know why she messaged me in the first place. At least she sent a response and didn't leave me hanging like most women who have no class or respect. She said she was sorry to have gotten my hopes up and wasted my time, which is more than a lot of women would say. I just wish she would have realized these things before she decided to contact me. I sent a "Hail Mary" reply asking if she'd be interested in anything whatsoever, but I'm not hopeful. 

I'm just sick of this. I know I'm not going about things in the regular way or looking for regular things, and that if I were looking for standard "dating," I may be able to find someone. Still, other people are successful in the area where I'm looking, so I don't know why I can't be. As it is, I'm just beating my food with a hammer over and over again and expecting different results, and allowing it to depress me.


----------



## jsmith92

IcedOver said:


> Just to post an update, I actually got a response back, and the answer is . . . negative (imagine a "Price is Right" loser buzzer sounding). I thought she was at least somewhat interested in doing what I had proposed, or she wouldn't have contacted me. However, she said that she spent the weekend thinking heavily on it and trying to decide whether she would truly be interested, and came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be. I can respect that, I guess, but I just don't know why she messaged me in the first place. At least she sent a response and didn't leave me hanging like most women who have no class or respect. She said she was sorry to have gotten my hopes up and wasted my time, which is more than a lot of women would say. I just wish she would have realized these things before she decided to contact me. I sent a "Hail Mary" reply asking if she'd be interested in anything whatsoever, but I'm not hopeful.
> 
> I'm just sick of this. I know I'm not going about things in the regular way or looking for regular things, and that if I were looking for standard "dating," I may be able to find someone. Still, other people are successful in the area where I'm looking, so I don't know why I can't be. As it is, I'm just beating my food with a hammer over and over again and expecting different results, and allowing it to depress me.


This is my life right here


----------



## villadb

I'm not sure the best place to put this, but I've talked about this girl a couple of times in here so I might as well do it. She asked if I wanted to go to the Chinese with her and a small group from work including her boyfriend, and I was politely saying 'I might do, let's see if my best mate will come' (he also works with us). Anyway he couldn't so I kept telling her I will go some other time but she kept bugging me all day. The truth was the last time we all went her boyfriend spent the whole night talking about how many punch ups he's been in, how many drugs he takes, how much money he gets given by his parents, how much he drinks, and eventually I caved in and said 'I'm not going because your boyfriend is a cock and I couldn't bear a whole evening listening to him talk like that and waste £16'. 

This took her by surprise I think because I'm not normally as blunt as that, normally Mr Nice Guy eager to please. She knows I have a massive crush on her and I think she likes me too, it's just she always goes for the arsehole and whenever she's free I crap myself and never ask her out. She even said to me the other day that she needs to change her type of man, so she knows he's a knob. She's quitting her job in the next couple of weeks so maybe that's freed me up a bit to tell her like that. Only thing is she obviously told her bf why I wouldn't go to dinner with them so it's been ridiculously awkward!

I'll have a talk to her tomorrow either at work or at the quiz night afterward. I feel I've either blown my friendship (and anything more) completely by saying it and sounding like a jealous loser or she may even realise what a waste of space this other guy is. I think judgment day is looming.


----------



## rymo

villadb said:


> I'm not sure the best place to put this, but I've talked about this girl a couple of times in here so I might as well do it. She asked if I wanted to go to the Chinese with her and a small group from work including her boyfriend, and I was politely saying 'I might do, let's see if my best mate will come' (he also works with us). Anyway he couldn't so I kept telling her I will go some other time but she kept bugging me all day. The truth was the last time we all went her boyfriend spent the whole night talking about how many punch ups he's been in, how many drugs he takes, how much money he gets given by his parents, how much he drinks, and eventually I caved in and said 'I'm not going because your boyfriend is a cock and I couldn't bear a whole evening listening to him talk like that and waste £16'.
> 
> This took her by surprise I think because I'm not normally as blunt as that, normally Mr Nice Guy eager to please. She knows I have a massive crush on her and I think she likes me too, it's just she always goes for the arsehole and whenever she's free I crap myself and never ask her out. She even said to me the other day that she needs to change her type of man, so she knows he's a knob. She's quitting her job in the next couple of weeks so maybe that's freed me up a bit to tell her like that. Only thing is she obviously told her bf why I wouldn't go to dinner with them so it's been ridiculously awkward!
> 
> I'll have a talk to her tomorrow either at work or at the quiz night afterward. I feel I've either blown my friendship (and anything more) completely by saying it and sounding like a jealous loser or she may even realise what a waste of space this other guy is. I think judgment day is looming.


Nah. You're fine. I think if you say something like that with malice in your eyes and act all serious and butthurt about it, that's one thing. But if you act like it's no big deal and you just told her like it is, then she would respect that. And apparently she agrees with you. So if anything you probably gained some respect points, flashing those cojones like you did.

I wouldn't have a little sit down talk with her about what you said. Stand by it. No regrets. Just talk to her like you normally would and keep it light. She's not looking for you to have serious chats about her boyfriend with. In fact, I would just ignore that topic altogether if you can. Just keep the focus on her, and you and her. If you can end up getting her to hang out with just you at some point, perfect. Until then, just play it cool.


----------



## Rayden

Counting my missed opportunities............. haha.

Idk. Ive missed some real sitters to get her to know i exist. She is in the same class as me which makes it easy to strike up a conversation but i just can't do it. She is also in the same lecture but i find it a little harder (and possibly awkward to come out of no where and start a conversation). Next week is probably make it or break it cause its the last week of term and after that i highly doubt i will be in the same class again. doesn't help when a close friend has the same intentions as well. Sigh, i don't really know what is holding me back, don't think its a fear of ''rejection'' or anything of that sort because i don't want to straight up seem like a creep trying to hit on her. Funny thing is tho, she seems just like me, a shy introverted type. Just down to a lack of confidence i guess.


----------



## villadb

rymo said:


> Nah. You're fine. I think if you say something like that with malice in your eyes and act all serious and butthurt about it, that's one thing. But if you act like it's no big deal and you just told her like it is, then she would respect that. And apparently she agrees with you. So if anything you probably gained some respect points, flashing those cojones like you did.
> 
> I wouldn't have a little sit down talk with her about what you said. Stand by it. No regrets. Just talk to her like you normally would and keep it light. She's not looking for you to have serious chats about her boyfriend with. In fact, I would just ignore that topic altogether if you can. Just keep the focus on her, and you and her. If you can end up getting her to hang out with just you at some point, perfect. Until then, just play it cool.


Yeah I spoke to her earlier and had a bit of a joke about it, she said it's fine. Someone else was talking to her about what a knob he was being at work yesterday so I think I'm alright. He's pulled out of the quiz team tonight in a bit of a huff and she reckons we can go to the Chinese tomorrow without him. All in all it's not too shabby.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Interesting conversation tonight that I'm not sure was a compliment or an insult. 

So the dreaded topic of past relationships came up. As usual my instinct is to tell a joke and change the conversation but she went straight back to it. So I told her I never had a girlfriend and surprisingly she said she felt "special" that she could potentially be my first girlfriend. Which was odd because I'm not her first anything by far. She's had 6 relationships, that's six other men I'm competing with. 

Anyway then she questioned why I was single and if I really am single. Like she thought I was lying but said it kind of complimentary way as in I'm too good to be true. I felt both happy and offended as I told her (not angrily btw) that I'm not lying to her and have no reason to lie. She complimented me again saying she's has a hard time believing I never had a girlfriend then we moved on from there.

This was strange. Why didn't she believe me and why would she feel special then proceed to question me. That is kind of a red flag. I know we've known each other a little while so trust isn't 100% there for neither of us. Maybe I'm reading into it too much because she never said any of it in an abrasive or angry way. She was as nice and sweet about it as always.


----------



## villadb

Firstly I'd say you aren't competing with 6 other guys, sounds like they've already lost. Secondly it sounds like she's just surprised that you've never had a girlfriend, you're obviously a decent catch. This is a good thing really. Does she know about your SA past? That would quite easily explain it to her and I'm sure she'd understand. Do not take it as an insult anyway, that's kind of what SA does, it makes you analyse innocent things in a bad way.

Last night I went to that quiz with my crush and we came second and had a good laugh. She's really pissed off with her boyfriend and is definitely coming to the Chinese without him tonight. I think he'll probably come up in conversation tonight because my best mate dislikes him as well, I need to make sure I don't sound like I'm trying to stick the knife in. Just have a good time really.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I told her I had extremely low self esteem issues that I had to take care of before I was ready to date. Maybe if things get serious and I'm able to trust her with it, I'd tell her about my SA and (lack of) past. But that's too embarrassing to ever admit too.

I'm sure with every day we get to know each other she's comparing me to past boyfriends. Hopefully there isn't the one that got away. You know that guy women regret breaking up with at some point in their lives. I want this to work out since we get along so well.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> I told her I had extremely low self esteem issues that I had to take care of before I was ready to date. Maybe if things get serious and I'm able to trust her with it, I'd tell her about my SA and (lack of) past. But that's too embarrassing to ever admit too.
> 
> I'm sure with every day we get to know each other she's comparing me to past boyfriends. Hopefully there isn't the one that got away. You know that guy women regret breaking up with at some point in their lives. I want this to work out since we get along so well.


You actually like her? Awesome. Sounds like she really likes you too. Everything you described sounds perfect then :yes

Don't worry about past guys. You're not competing with anyone. She's not with them brah. She's with you. Looks like someone's gonna get their first relationship!!! *pinches cheek*

Seriously though, it sounds good. Don't try to mindread her and assume she's thinking about other guys. That's a very typical negative/illogical thought pattern. And even if she is, which I doubt based on what you've described, there's nothing you can do about it except have a good time with her and put your best foot forward. Have fun!


----------



## jsmith92

villadb said:


> Firstly I'd say you aren't competing with 6 other guys, sounds like they've already lost. Secondly it sounds like she's just surprised that you've never had a girlfriend, you're obviously a decent catch. This is a good thing really. Does she know about your SA past? That would quite easily explain it to her and I'm sure she'd understand. Do not take it as an insult anyway, that's kind of what SA does, it makes you analyse innocent things in a bad way.
> 
> Last night I went to that quiz with my crush and we came second and had a good laugh. She's really pissed off with her boyfriend and is definitely coming to the Chinese without him tonight. I think he'll probably come up in conversation tonight because my best mate dislikes him as well, I need to make sure I don't sound like I'm trying to stick the knife in. Just have a good time really.


Wow you are so lucky Jesuszilla you actually found a girl that likes you and you like her too... I wish I could find one but not a single girl pays attention to me ever...it's like I don't exist...on another note...whenever I sneeze in any class or even at home, nobody says "bless you" but whenever someone else sneezes they say it...again it's like I don't even exist, it's so weird when it happens I feel so isolated...not even teachers say it when I sneeze but they say it to others...It's been 5 years since I had a crush on this girl and I've only ever talked to her once, right before spring break. Since then I haven't been able to talk to her and I never will...she is all over this guy who recently became one of my enemies because of a completely unrelated reason, and he's a hundred times better than I am with girls. He likes her too and they've been talking after class and friends for a whole year now. All I can do is sit back and watch while he wins her over. Since both of them are in my class I always see them talking after class every day and it makes me feel like crap because I know that she is his. I hate who I am and wish I was someone else. My life sucks


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> *You actually like her? Awesome. Sounds like she really likes you too.* Everything you described sounds perfect then :yes


Oh my yes, I like a lot. I think I'm letting my problems get in the way sometimes because she always sends me a wake up text (which is a little inside joke) or a good morning text and I usually do the same too.

I am still fighting off some issues I've had with past girls in that I've had a lot of nasty break ups and some times think this girl is to good to be true.



> Don't worry about past guys. You're not competing with anyone. She's not with them brah. She's with you. Looks like someone's gonna get their first relationship!!! *pinches cheek*
> 
> Seriously though, it sounds good. Don't try to mindread her and assume she's thinking about other guys. * That's a very typical negative/illogical thought pattern. * And even if she is, which I doubt based on what you've described, there's nothing you can do about it except have a good time with her and put your best foot forward. Have fun!


Yeah, I'm trying to break that pattern. It's just that when I heard she's had 6 relationships to my zero I just assume all people compare their current to their exs and I just want her to like me like I like her. It's like the thought of other men being on her mind that she might be interested in is scary to me. Anyway, that's the insecurity issue I was telling her about last night. I'm just going to continue having fun with her because that's why we get along. We just have fun.



jsmith92 said:


> Wow you are so lucky Jesuszilla you actually found a girl that likes you and you like her too... I wish I could find one but not a single girl pays attention to me ever...it's like I don't exist...on another note...whenever I sneeze in any class or even at home, nobody says "bless you" but whenever someone else sneezes they say it...again it's like I don't even exist, it's so weird when it happens I feel so isolated...not even teachers say it when I sneeze but they say it to others...It's been 5 years since I had a crush on this girl and I've only ever talked to her once, right before spring break. Since then I haven't been able to talk to her and I never will...she is all over this guy who recently became one of my enemies because of a completely unrelated reason, and he's a hundred times better than I am with girls. He likes her too and they've been talking after class and friends for a whole year now. All I can do is sit back and watch while he wins her over. Since both of them are in my class I always see them talking after class every day and it makes me feel like crap because I know that she is his. I hate who I am and wish I was someone else. My life sucks


Thanks man. Btw, this is the perfect thread to help you out. All of us has struggled. I didn't meet the first girl to date me. I have been putting myself out there for about a year and a half and I face a TON of rejection. And even if things were going well with girls they somehow messed up.

It's tough but not impossible but with the right mind state and willingness to work hard on your anxiety issues I really and truly believe most of us can find somebody. So keep your head up man. If you need help rymo and bwidger85 are like the Godfathers of this thread haha. I'll even give some advice if I feel I can help.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> Oh my yes, I like a lot. I think I'm letting my problems get in the way sometimes because she always sends me a wake up text (which is a little inside joke) or a good morning text and I usually do the same too.
> 
> I am still fighting off some issues I've had with past girls in that I've had a lot of nasty break ups and some times think this girl is to good to be true.
> 
> Yeah, I'm trying to break that pattern. It's just that when I heard she's had 6 relationships to my zero I just assume all people compare their current to their exs and I just want her to like me like I like her. It's like the thought of other men being on her mind that she might be interested in is scary to me. Anyway, that's the insecurity issue I was telling her about last night. I'm just going to continue having fun with her because that's why we get along. We just have fun.
> 
> Thanks man. Btw, this is the perfect thread to help you out. All of us has struggled. I didn't meet the first girl to date me. I have been putting myself out there for about a year and a half and I face a TON of rejection. And even if things were going well with girls they somehow messed up.
> 
> It's tough but not impossible but with the right mind state and willingness to work hard on your anxiety issues I really and truly believe most of us can find somebody. So keep your head up man. If you need help rymo and bwidger85 are like the Godfathers of this thread haha. I'll even give some advice if I feel I can help.


See I'm hopeless......two weeks ago I met this very attractive girl at this social skills group thing and all that happened was that she found out my name and vice versa...even so I cannot stop thinking about her even though I hardly even met her I don't get it at all


----------



## Jesuszilla

After another fun date. She gave me her address and wants me to come over tomorrow said she wants to treat me to lunch. A girl is going to cook for me. Holy cow she's awesome

For future reference how do I ask a girl to come over to my place? Do I invite her to dinner or to watch movies or something? This causes me anxiety to be like "hey I live her, come over". Just feels weird. I never even did that friends much less girls...

Also it it normal to be so happy when I talk to her in any way. Like even if its a text it brightens up my mood. I don't want her to be the center of my life. I guess I don't want to be overly attached and since I never had a girlfriend I don't want to over do it or come off as pathetic. Probably more over thinking it from me. :stu


----------



## Brandeezy

Jesuszilla said:


> After another fun date. She gave me her address and wants me to come over tomorrow said she wants to treat me to lunch. A girl is going to cook for me. Holy cow she's awesome
> 
> For future reference how do I ask a girl to come over to my place? Do I invite her to dinner or to watch movies or something? This causes me anxiety to be like "hey I live her, come over". Just feels weird. I never even did that friends much less girls...
> 
> Also it it normal to be so happy when I talk to her in any way. Like even if its a text it brightens up my mood. I don't want her to be the center of my life. I guess I don't want to be overly attached and since I never had a girlfriend I don't want to over do it or come off as pathetic. Probably more over thinking it from me. :stu


Dope, I hope i will experience what you're feeling in the future. Good luck but I wouldn't over think it imo. If she gave you her address and is going to cook for you then it sounds like she really likes you. She's probably stressing over it right now figuring out what she's going to cook, wear, etc.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Brandeezy said:


> Dope, I hope i will experience what you're feeling in the future. Good luck but I wouldn't over think it imo. If she gave you her address and is going to cook for you then it sounds like she really likes you. She's probably stressing over it right now figuring out what she's going to cook, wear, etc.


It's like in the moments of being with her everything is great. I don't over think a thing. I just have fun and enjoy my time with her.

It's that period after we hang out where I over analyze every single second that I start to have these thoughts. I'm trying to fight it, but it's difficult since I'm so used to living in my head lol.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> After another fun date. She gave me her address and wants me to come over tomorrow said she wants to treat me to lunch. A girl is going to cook for me. Holy cow she's awesome
> 
> For future reference how do I ask a girl to come over to my place? Do I invite her to dinner or to watch movies or something? This causes me anxiety to be like "hey I live her, come over". Just feels weird. I never even did that friends much less girls...
> 
> Also it it normal to be so happy when I talk to her in any way. Like even if its a text it brightens up my mood. I don't want her to be the center of my life. I guess I don't want to be overly attached and since I never had a girlfriend I don't want to over do it or come off as pathetic. Probably more over thinking it from me. :stu


This made me start to cry...I am so happy for you but I am very jealous as well...I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... And today to make it worse my mother and grandmother lectured me on how I need to become more social and make more friends....during the entire conversation I was suppressing tears...I hate myself and wish I was someone else I am so miserable... And my finals are on Wednesday and I haven't even started studying idk what to do at all I'm freaking out


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> It's like in the moments of being with her everything is great. I don't over think a thing. I just have fun and enjoy my time with her.
> 
> It's that period after we hang out where I over analyze every single second that I start to have these thoughts. I'm trying to fight it, but it's difficult since I'm so used to living in my head lol.


Yup. Gets easier with XP, only way ;p



jsmith92 said:


> This made me start to cry...I am so happy for you but I am very jealous as well...I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... And today to make it worse my mother and grandmother lectured me on how I need to become more social and make more friends....during the entire conversation I was suppressing tears...I hate myself and wish I was someone else I am so miserable... And my finals are on Wednesday and I haven't even started studying idk what to do at all I'm freaking out


Relax, dude. You're super young, I'm shocked that you've already condemned yourself. You'll learn and grow and get a girl and all that good stuff. You just gotta give it time and stay positive. Jesuszilla wasn't having too much success at first, but he worked at it and now look at him. I was having 0 success for...ever...and now I do okay.

First thing you should try to do is to not look at everything so black and white. You may not be having success with women now, but that doesn't have any bearing on your future prospects. You have tons of potential, you just gotta give yourself a chance.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> Yup. Gets easier with XP, only way ;p


 Well my current status is SAS conqueror, I wonder how many more XP before I'm an SAS legend. :lol



jsmith92 said:


> This made me start to cry...I am so happy for you but I am very jealous as well...I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... And today to make it worse my mother and grandmother lectured me on how I need to become more social and make more friends....during the entire conversation I was suppressing tears...I hate myself and wish I was someone else I am so miserable... And my finals are on Wednesday and I haven't even started studying idk what to do at all I'm freaking out


I'm pretty much going to echo rymo here: don't count yourself out yet.

First off focus on studying for your finals. Trust me it will only benefit you in the long run. Plus women love a man with some ambition.

I'm not going to sit here and say that it is easy as all of us struggle to meet someone, but it isn't impossible. It takes hard work, meeting the right woman, learning to deal with rejection, learning to manage your anxiety, building some confidence, working on social skills (depending on how severe your SA is) and so on. I'm not trying to scare you or anything just giving a realistic idea of what you need to do. It won't be all butterflies and sunshine, but meeting the right girl(s) and having fun and developing an emotional connection feels great. (This is assuming you want a relationship like I do).

Also rymo has stated that he lost his virginity at 24 and has also had 2 relationships (not sure what age). I started really working on myself last year at 23 and went through SO much, some things that's happened before meeting this girl would have crushed me at a younger. And if things work out with her, I'll be 24 with my first girlfriend. So keep your head up man. This thread is here to help us. But it starts with you (cliche speech moment here lol).

Good luck on the finals.


----------



## ravens

jsmith92 said:


> This made me start to cry...I am so happy for you but I am very jealous as well...I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... And today to make it worse my mother and grandmother lectured me on how I need to become more social and make more friends....during the entire conversation I was suppressing tears...I hate myself and wish I was someone else I am so miserable... And my finals are on Wednesday and I haven't even started studying idk what to do at all I'm freaking out


Yeah I read things like that and it makes me happy but it's tough not to feel sad for myself. I've never had a girlfriend and not ever trying to get a girlfriend. Always being nervous or automatically thinking that I would get rejected.


----------



## rymo

ravens said:


> Yeah I read things like that and it makes me happy but it's tough not to feel sad for myself. I've never had a girlfriend and not ever trying to get a girlfriend. Always being nervous or automatically thinking that I would get rejected.


Ravens, keep up the working out! It's a great way to increase confidence and diversify your hobbies. Keep doing stuff like that that puts you out of your comfort zone and you will get there. keep pushing!!!!!


----------



## ravens

rymo said:


> Ravens, keep up the working out! It's a great way to increase confidence and diversify your hobbies. Keep doing stuff like that that puts you out of your comfort zone and you will get there. keep pushing!!!!!


I've never really worked out that much or tried that hard to get in shape until recently. I'll continue trying my best with it.


----------



## Jesuszilla

First off holy cow was her house big. Well technically she was still living with her folks but man was it a beautiful house. And this is coming from someone who lives in a suburban area of Houston. She's gotta be upper middle class. 

Anyway, I loved the lunch. We also hit up her game room. Made out (of course). And then her brothers came home :lol. So I met them, they seemed cool. And we went to her room and just chilled watched a little wrestling and then I went home.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I hate to come off as bragging but she wants to make me dinner next week. I have to think of something creative to do for her to show my appreciation. Any tips, gents?


----------



## Sourdog

Jesuszilla said:


> I hate to come off as bragging but she wants to make me dinner next week. I have to think of something creative to do for her to show my appreciation. Any tips, gents?


D*** in a box?


----------



## Barette

Jesuszilla said:


> I hate to come off as bragging but she wants to make me dinner next week. I have to think of something creative to do for her to show my appreciation. Any tips, gents?


Bring dessert! Like buy a cake or some cupcakes or cookies or something from a nice bakery, maybe be extra cute and bring some milk to go with it! Or wine! Wine is always great. Maybe treat for ice cream after. Maybe if she mentioned liking a movie, bring a copy of it. Something cute!


----------



## Jesuszilla

Barette said:


> Bring dessert! Like buy a cake or some cupcakes or cookies or something from a nice bakery, maybe be extra cute and bring some milk to go with it! Or wine! Wine is always great. Maybe treat for ice cream after. Maybe if she mentioned liking a movie, bring a copy of it. Something cute!


Excellent suggestions. Desserts and her favorite movie seems like a great addition to the dinner.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Excellent suggestions. Desserts and her favorite movie seems like a great addition to the dinner.


I vote wine, but as long as you show that you put some effort in you'll be golden. This is exciting! My feminine side is all giddy/hot and bothered.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> I vote wine, but as long as you show that you put some effort in you'll be golden. This is exciting! My feminine side is all giddy/hot and bothered.


She doesn't drink alcohol


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> She doesn't drink alcohol


Okay, then I vote not to bring wine.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> Okay, then I vote not to bring wine.


Wouldn't be too bright haha. I know that giddy feeling. That's how I felt when she made me lunch. I almost proposed to her then haha. Seriously though I now understand why men growing up loved women who cook so much.


----------



## Tasdel

Honestly Id love a woman that could cook. She could teach me her recipes. I would cook for my woman if I had one. There hasn't been much going on in the way of women lately, I've been focusing on getting in great shape and upgrading school. Hopefully I'll meet a nice woman on here (small chance I know) or someone at uni/college when I go there in the next year or two.


----------



## Earendil

****! women are too confusing. I give up for now.


----------



## Cyclonic

Someone chose me on quickmatch in OKC and I've been debating with myself for the last 3 days if I want to give her 4/5 stars back.


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> Someone chose me on quickmatch in OKC and I've been debating with myself for the last 3 days if I want to give her 4/5 stars back.


Don't. Just message her.


----------



## Cyclonic

rymo said:


> Don't. Just message her.


Well...it will send an automated message if I do it. I still don't know if I want to message her though.


----------



## Mr Blues

What am I doing? Well I still suck at being proactive but so far this year I've asked out two girls (practically strangers). The first said yes and gave me her number, seemed excited.. only to politely tell me later on that she'd changed her mind. WTF? That destroyed me for a while. The other girl was married, which I had failed to pick up on during our conversation (although I had my suspicions, but decided to ask anyway).

Usually though I just do an Elliot Roger and sit back, hoping someone will show interest. Hasn't been working great. Rarely ever get interest from my own age group, using that method anyway.. Older women tend to be more up front (mostly early to mid 30yr olds). Not that I've a problem with that, and the type of places I frequent and people I hang out with might play a small part in that I suppose but not sure about that.. Two very attractive women in that age range showed interest recently on separate occasions. Boosted my confidence a bit.


----------



## Mr Blues

failoutboy said:


> I don't think we should call that an Elliot Roger.:b


Lol I think you know I wasn't being serious :b


----------



## Darktower776

Right now? Not much.

I did start eating healthier and slimmed back down, though I was not overweight to begin with. Just cut out a lot of sugar I had been drinking in stuff like sodas an certain juices.

But that was mostly for my own health.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Who knew coming up with things to do mutually is so difficult? We spent hours trying to find something to do for today. This is why I like to plan things in advance. 

Me: "Is it always this difficult coming up wit a date lol"
Her: "Yep "

Consider this a warning to all the men and women of SAS who get somewhere with a girl :lol


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> Who knew coming up with things to do mutually is so difficult? We spent hours trying to find something to do for today. This is why I like to plan things in advance.
> 
> Me: "Is it always this difficult coming up wit a date lol"
> Her: "Yep "
> 
> Consider this a warning to all the men and women of SAS who get somewhere with a girl :lol


Just great


----------



## Zeeshan

jsmith92 said:


> Wow you are so lucky Jesuszilla you actually found a girl that likes you and you like her too... I wish I could find one but not a single girl pays attention to me ever.


Keep looking. I was a worst case then most here. I went through many many girls, the one I am now loves me for what I am. Its the first pure emotionally physically sexually healthy relationship i have been in, and the longest in a long while.

Its very lovey dovey, There were times when i thought about giving up to, but i kept going out. Kept using online, in the end it paid off, at least for now 

Its the first time I ever experienced being in a loving relationship, with both sides in love, and its wonderful.


----------



## jsmith92

Zeeshan said:


> Keep looking. I was a worst case then most here. I went through many many girls, the one I am now loves me for what I am. Its the first pure emotionally physically sexually healthy relationship i have been in, and the longest in a long while.
> 
> Its very lovey dovey, There were times when i thought about giving up to, but i kept going out. Kept using online, in the end it paid off, at least for now
> 
> Its the first time I ever experienced being in a loving relationship, with both sides in love, and its wonderful.


I hate girls


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> I hate girls


That's the exact opposite attitude you need to have success with women.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> That's the exact opposite attitude you need to have success with women.


That's why I know I will be alone for the rest of my life


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> That's why I know I will be alone for the rest of my life


You are WAY too cynical for a high-schooler. Where's your pride boy? What do you like about yourself?


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> You are WAY too cynical for a high-schooler. Where's your pride boy? What do you like about yourself?


Nothing...that's the problem...


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Nothing...that's the problem...


Then maybe that's what you need to discover. Find some hobbies. Get passionate about something.


----------



## Jesuszilla

If a girl you've been dating stood you up, then apologized without any explanation do you see it as a red flag? 

All she said was she's sorry but I feel like adding a reason she left me hanging last night was needed. Now I feel like she's hiding something.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> Then maybe that's what you need to discover. Find some hobbies. Get passionate about something.


I am passionate about something but I still hate myself


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> I am passionate about something but I still hate myself


What is it?


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> If a girl you've been dating stood you up, then apologized without any explanation do you see it as a red flag?
> 
> All she said was she's sorry but I feel like adding a reason she left me hanging last night was needed. Now I feel like she's hiding something.


Iwould want an explanation, yeh.


----------



## Darktower776

Jesuszilla said:


> If a girl you've been dating stood you up, then apologized without any explanation do you see it as a red flag?
> 
> All she said was she's sorry but I feel like adding a reason she left me hanging last night was needed. Now I feel like she's hiding something.


I see it as a red flag and feel that she is probably hiding something- be it her feelings on the relationship or something else.

I think of it like this: If there was a legit reason she had to stand you up, then she would've let you know pretty quickly and WITH a reason. (This is assuming she still wants the relationship to continue positively.)

It's kind of like the saying that if a person really likes you in that way they will MAKE time to see you instead of saying "oh I'm just so busy" etc.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> What is it?


Computers...but I'm still a loser and not a single girl would like me once they get to know me


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Computers...but I'm still a loser and not a single girl would like me once they get to know me


Computers are badass...you know how many girls want someone who can fix their computer or solve their dumb technical problems? That's awesome dude. Not to mention you go to college for comp sci or something similar and then you make the big bucks..

Now...what is it about yourself that you hate so much?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well I went to her place a little while and talked to her about being disrespected about what happened last night. I think she got the point.

Also I love kissing. Kissing is amazing. Don't know how I went so long without kissing. :cuddle



jsmith92 said:


> Computers...but I'm still a loser and not a single girl would like me once they get to know me


That's an awesome passion dude. And like rymo said computer science or computer engineering are great careers to get into.

You are in high school which means that you have *PLENTY* of time to work on your issues. You don't know how lucky you are. I'd kill to have that time of my life back instead of dropping out and wallowing in depression and being 24 now getting my life in order.

Start talking to girls casually at school. Give yourself a chance to show your personality. I've notice that while I can be a bore in most social situations (especially in groups) I do have a solid personality and I can make people I am comfortable with laugh. Would have never known this if I never put myself out there.

The world is yours jsmith92. Now go out there and conquer it my friend.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> Well I went to her place a little while and talked to her about being disrespected about what happened last night. I think she got the point.
> 
> Also I love kissing. Kissing is amazing. Don't know how I went so long without kissing. :cuddle


If the girl is a good kisser, then yeh it's awesome.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> If the girl is a good kisser, then yeh it's awesome.


I don't know what makes a good kisser but her lips are so soft and we don't clink teeth. I don't know if it's ever happened to anyone else but it has with me and that feels so awkward.

Kissing her is hard to explain because I don't feel anything as good in any other aspects of my life. So there's nothing so awesome to compare it too.


----------



## MrQuiet76

I met a really attractive girl over the weekend. I was out at the bars with people from work, and she was in the group of people I was with. I ended up talking to her quite a bit off and on throughout the night. She just seemed like a really awesome person. I even got to walk back to her car with her on the way to mine. Of course I have no balls, so I never even thought about asking for her number or anything. It doesn't matter too much because I'll probably never see her again anyway. It's just nice that a good experience like that can happen once in a while.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> Well I went to her place a little while and talked to her about being disrespected about what happened last night. I think she got the point.
> 
> Also I love kissing. Kissing is amazing. Don't know how I went so long without kissing. :cuddle
> 
> That's an awesome passion dude. And like rymo said computer science or computer engineering are great careers to get into.
> 
> You are in high school which means that you have *PLENTY* of time to work on your issues. You don't know how lucky you are. I'd kill to have that time of my life back instead of dropping out and wallowing in depression and being 24 now getting my life in order.
> 
> Start talking to girls casually at school. Give yourself a chance to show your personality. I've notice that while I can be a bore in most social situations (especially in groups) I do have a solid personality and I can make people I am comfortable with laugh. Would have never known this if I never put myself out there.
> 
> The world is yours jsmith92. Now go out there and conquer it my friend.


I can't talk to girls and my school year literally has two days left...I don't have a chance with girls because none of them ever show interest in me...I have had a crush on a girl for 4 years but I have only talked to her once...that was a waste of time too because she's practically on the dick of some guy who is way better with girls than I am and he's so much cooler than me and he likes her and I think she likes him. I cannot wait until I graduate high school I hate it. I have two more years of hell. College will be no different. I will just go to class and then go back to my dorm or wherever I'm staying day in and day out. That is if I even can handle college or even get into it. Whenever I see an attractive girl I get depressed instantly. Yesterday I went to a social skills group and there was a very attractive girl there. As soon as I saw her I got depressed. To make things worse I had a soccer game later that day and missed every single shot on me because I was depressed and felt like ****, just because I saw the attractive girl earlier that day at the social group. I will never be able to be in a relationship if the person I love makes me depressed every time I look at them. This is why I know for certain that I will be alone for the rest of my life.


----------



## Tasdel

jsmith92 said:


> I can't talk to girls and my school year literally has two days left...I don't have a chance with girls because none of them ever show interest in me...I have had a crush on a girl for 4 years but I have only talked to her once...that was a waste of time too because she's practically on the dick of some guy who is way better with girls than I am and he's so much cooler than me and he likes her and I think she likes him. I cannot wait until I graduate high school I hate it. I have two more years of hell. College will be no different. I will just go to class and then go back to my dorm or wherever I'm staying day in and day out. That is if I even can handle college or even get into it. Whenever I see an attractive girl I get depressed instantly. Yesterday I went to a social skills group and there was a very attractive girl there. As soon as I saw her I got depressed. To make things worse I had a soccer game later that day and missed every single shot on me because I was depressed and felt like ****, just because I saw the attractive girl earlier that day at the social group. I will never be able to be in a relationship if the person I love makes me depressed every time I look at them. This is why I know for certain that I will be alone for the rest of my life.


Mindset is VERY important when it comes to anything. If you personally believe you can't find a woman you probably won't. You have to change your mindset. Everyone can go for the things they want if they work hard enough. That is the biggest problem I see here Jsmith. Until you realize you are capable of having a girlfriend, and to know that you *Just like everyone else on this planet* can get the things you want *if you work hard* for them, you'll be stuck in the same spot.


----------



## jsmith92

Tasdel said:


> Mindset is VERY important when it comes to anything. If you personally believe you can't find a woman you probably won't. You have to change your mindset. Everyone can go for the things they want if they work hard enough. That is the biggest problem I see here Jsmith. Until you realize you are capable of having a girlfriend, and to know that you *Just like everyone else on this planet* can get the things you want *if you work hard* for them, you'll be stuck in the same spot.


Mindset won't do anything. I'm a ****ing loser I can't even turn in a homework assignment on time, or even study for finals. There is not a single girl on this planet that would like me or even be interested in me after getting to know me. I'm an ******* and everyone knows it. I hate myself.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Mindset won't do anything. I'm a ****ing loser I can't even turn in a homework assignment on time, or even study for finals. There is not a single girl on this planet that would like me or even be interested in me after getting to know me. I'm an ******* and everyone knows it. I hate myself.


Stop acting like you're so unique. You think every single person on this forum hasn't had the same thoughts at one point or another, or still doesn't? And yet many people here have gone on to be successful in one or many ways in life. Why? Because they don't give up. Because they say to themselves, "You know what? I may hate myself NOW. I may be anxious as hell NOW. But that doesn't mean I can't change." And they do. Maybe not complete turnarounds, but enough to live a fulfilling life.

How? By starting to make less excuses. By starting to think less in all or nothing terms. By scraping for millimeters, centimeters, inches of a better life. Doing it ONE day at a time, against all odds. Because life aint **** if you're just going to complain about it all the time. Go out and take what you want and **** what everyone else thinks (or, more accurately, what YOU think everyone else thinks).

And if you find out that Jonny or Jane legitimately doesn't like you one day. **** EM! You do what you want to do regardless. That's how you live a great life. And it takes WORK to have that mentality, so start working.


----------



## Jesuszilla

jsmith92 said:


> Mindset won't do anything. I'm a ****ing loser I can't even turn in a homework assignment on time, or even study for finals. There is not a single girl on this planet that would like me or even be interested in me after getting to know me. I'm an ******* and everyone knows it. I hate myself.


On the contrary, mindset is very important. Now obviously being positive alone won't get you the girl, but fighting through the rejections, nasty girls and esteem crushing moments will make you a better and more well rounded attractive man.

I really hate that you seem so down on yourself because you're so young and you have potential. I wish there was some way to convince you to take control of your life right now. So you're able to enjoy being 18, 19, 20...I didn't so much as leave the house (except for work) until last year at 23. As great as things seem to be going for me now, I do regret wasting ages 18-22 5 years I can never get back. But I'm not going to let that stop me.

I decided that no matter how hard a depressive episode hits, how bad the anxiety is in the moment, no matter how bad I am rejected I will come through. So far I've came through every suicidal moment of my short life, I've conquered quite a bit of my anxiety and I am as close as ever to having a girlfriend.

Point being you can do it jsmith92. I'm not trying to be some motivational coach or anything, I'm just being realistic.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> On the contrary, mindset is very important. Now obviously being positive alone won't get you the girl, but fighting through the rejections, nasty girls and esteem crushing moments will make you a better and more well rounded attractive man.
> 
> I really hate that you seem so down on yourself because you're so young and you have potential. I wish there was some way to convince you to take control of your life right now. So you're able to enjoy being 18, 19, 20...I didn't so much as leave the house (except for work) until last year at 23. As great as things seem to be going for me now, I do regret wasting ages 18-22 5 years I can never get back. But I'm not going to let that stop me.
> 
> I decided that no matter how hard a depressive episode hits, how bad the anxiety is in the moment, no matter how bad I am rejected I will come through. So far I've came through every suicidal moment of my short life, I've conquered quite a bit of my anxiety and I am as close as ever to having a girlfriend.
> 
> Point being you can do it jsmith92. I'm not trying to be some motivational coach or anything, I'm just being realistic.


I can't do it it's never going to ever happen


----------



## Jesuszilla

jsmith92 said:


> I can't do it it's never going to ever happen


All I can say is I hope that you get out of the self pity phase some time soon.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> All I can say is I hope that you get out of the self pity phase some time soon.


Its not self pity its self hatred


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Its not self pity its self hatred


No, it's both. You hate yourself because you think that people think you're worthless (for whatever reason). You're pitying yourself because you're accepting the false reality that they're right. Not only that, but you're paralyzing yourself by insisting that you're worthless; you've never tried to be something more so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"This, I realized, is how a man becomes what he is not: by doing what he could never do." - Philip Dick, Radio Free Albemuth


----------



## buklti

I've been trying to date this girl. But she is now not responding to my texts. If she does, it's only a few words. At least I can say I'm trying though.


----------



## Jesuszilla

She has to stand on her toes to kiss me lol. That's so cute. 

Anyway, how long after dating do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend? It's been over a month. I like her, she likes me everything sans for last Saturday, has been great. So why don't I ask her to be my girlfriend?

Well I've been in this position a few times this year. Had some great dates, then something would happen and I just end up ranting about it here. But I would be lying if I said this feels different. It feels better. I do honestly feel like I connect with her better than every woman I've met so far. This isn't me being on an emotional high. We somehow just click and I finally understand what chemistry is.

I bring this up because of a conversation I had with someone here who told me to ask within a week or so.


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> She has to stand on her toes to kiss me lol. That's so cute.
> 
> Anyway, how long after dating do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend? It's been over a month. I like her, she likes me everything sans for last Saturday, has been great. So why don't I ask her to be my girlfriend?
> 
> Well I've been in this position a few times this year. Had some great dates, then something would happen and I just end up ranting about it here. But I would be lying if I said this feels different. It feels better. I do honestly feel like I connect with her better than every woman I've met so far. This isn't me being on an emotional high. We somehow just click and I finally understand what chemistry is.
> 
> I bring this up because of a conversation I had with someone here who told me to ask within a week or so.


A week or so? That's some high school stuff. In the real world, a month is okay I guess. Depends how frequently you've seen her. If it feels right, go for it.


----------



## Jesuszilla

rymo said:


> A week or so? That's some high school stuff. In the real world, a month is okay I guess. Depends how frequently you've seen her. If it feels right, go for it.


You misread. I've been seeing her for over a month, I was told to ask within a week or so from today. Same girl I've been raving about on this thread


----------



## rymo

Jesuszilla said:


> You misread. I've been seeing her for over a month, I was told to ask within a week or so from today. Same girl I've been raving about on this thread


Yeh I mean why rush into something so serious anyway. Week or so sounds good.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> No, it's both. You hate yourself because you think that people think you're worthless (for whatever reason). You're pitying yourself because you're accepting the false reality that they're right. Not only that, but you're paralyzing yourself by insisting that you're worthless; you've never tried to be something more so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> "This, I realized, is how a man becomes what he is not: by doing what he could never do." - Philip Dick, Radio Free Albemuth


Today some guy told me I'm one of the most hated people in my highschool


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Today some guy told me I'm one of the most hated people in my highschool


I don't believe you. Though if it is true, that guy is a flaming douche bag and his opinion is worth nothing. Unless you've done something so horrific, so unbelievably atrocious to everyone in your high school ...and you're just keeping it a secret to us.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> I don't believe you. Though if it is true, that guy is a flaming douche bag and his opinion is worth nothing. Unless you've done something so horrific, so unbelievably atrocious to everyone in your high school ...and you're just keeping it a secret to us.


He's a complete jerk honestly I hate him and wish he would jump off of a bridge


----------



## Rashomon89

*jsmith92*
You're wasting too much energy focusing and emphasizing negative stuff. Define your goals, write them on paper. Let them be small steps you can achieve, but make them enough challenging. For example, you can make a goal to find a female friend (at this moment forget about girlfriend stuff) - join some group, organization, go volunteer somewhere and use that activity to socialize with opposite sex.

----------------------------

Few months ago I wrote here about girl I was interested. What happened after months of trying to get closer with her was that it ended after one message on fb. She kind of rejected me (I called her on a date) in a nice way putting blame on herself, I just wrote I understand.
I needed months to get over it, but I now feel actually better then before, this experience helped me in many ways. 
Few days ago I met her (we study on same faculty) on bus station, and we had engaged in some talk about faculty related subjects. I wasn't relaxed at all, but I was hiding it.Next moment she was talking about big changes in her life, and then popped out with how we will eventually go on a date, if it it's not late, and she hopes that it's never too late for that. I was in WTF?! state of mind ... I agreed, but one part of me wanted to say NO - probably I wanted her to feel like I before.

She still hasnt contacted me, and I don't plan to initiate contact because that's something I promised myself I won't do months ago.

I still like her a lot, but I am not so emotionally involved like before. I admire her for her braveness to express her desires risking to look like fool in front of me. But also I am amazed with girls like her and their ways of thinking.

I know if I like/love someone I won't let them go away from my life so easily. It looks to me she had no problems letting me go. And then suddenly she changed her mind ...

Maybe it's just me, but I am experiencing this for second time and it's strange. Girl that initially rejected me comes back asking for second chance? What's really behind all of this?

p.s.
sorry for grammar mistakes I rarely get a chance to speak or write in english.


----------



## jsmith92

Rashomon89 said:


> *jsmith92*
> You're wasting too much energy focusing and emphasizing negative stuff. Define your goals, write them on paper. Let them be small steps you can achieve, but make them enough challenging. For example, you can make a goal to find a female friend (at this moment forget about girlfriend stuff) - join some group, organization, go volunteer somewhere and use that activity to socialize with opposite sex.
> 
> ----------------------------
> 
> Few months ago I wrote here about girl I was interested. What happened after months of trying to get closer with her was that it ended after one message on fb. She kind of rejected me (I called her on a date) in a nice way putting blame on herself, I just wrote I understand.
> I needed months to get over it, but I now feel actually better then before, this experience helped me in many ways.
> Few days ago I met her (we study on same faculty) on bus station, and we had engaged in some talk about faculty related subjects. I wasn't relaxed at all, but I was hiding it.Next moment she was talking about big changes in her life, and then popped out with how we will eventually go on a date, if it it's not late, and she hopes that it's never too late for that. I was in WTF?! state of mind ... I agreed, but one part of me wanted to say NO - probably I wanted her to feel like I before.
> 
> She still hasnt contacted me, and I don't plan to initiate contact because that's something I promised myself I won't do months ago.
> 
> I still like her a lot, but I am not so emotionally involved like before. I admire her for her braveness to express her desires risking to look like fool in front of me. But also I am amazed with girls like her and their ways of thinking.
> 
> I know if I like/love someone I won't let them go away from my life so easily. It looks to me she had no problems letting me go. And then suddenly she changed her mind ...
> 
> Maybe it's just me, but I am experiencing this for second time and it's strange. Girl that initially rejected me comes back asking for second chance? What's really behind all of this?
> 
> p.s.
> sorry for grammar mistakes I rarely get a chance to speak or write in english.


I can socialize with the opposite sex just fine but when it comes down to talking to someone I'm attracted to it's never going to happen. Like the idiot I am, today I accidentally liked a post on the Facebook wall of some girl I have a crush on and I have only talked to her once and it wasn't even a conversation. I hope she didn't get a notification of it because I unliked it very quickly but if she did, that means she will socialize with me and I don't like talking to pretty girls. I haven't talked to one since April. The girl who's post I liked is also in my class and so I am going to be seeing her for the next few weeks. I pray to god she didn't see that notification.


----------



## Rashomon89

Nothing wrong with liking someone's post on FB. People like when they are surrounded with attention. And it doesn't have to mean you have crush on her. I challenge you to like that post/photo/whatever again - and you can go even further, say something to her in class when she is alone, contact her on chat, you don't have to start some long conversation, just be polite. You can use her like training tool to get over your fear. For example I guess you know in what subject is she good at and ask her if she can help you with studying ...


----------



## villadb

I'm back to square one. The one girl I've ever had as a friend and got close to is pretty much gone from my life. I guess whoever said SA is the disease of missed opportunities is right. I've rejoined dating sites again. I actually got messaged by a girl but she just doesn't interest me, she just doesn't even compare to my crush. I have to just try and get over her somehow.


----------



## jsmith92

Rashomon89 said:


> Nothing wrong with liking someone's post on FB. People like when they are surrounded with attention. And it doesn't have to mean you have crush on her. I challenge you to like that post/photo/whatever again - and you can go even further, say something to her in class when she is alone, contact her on chat, you don't have to start some long conversation, just be polite. You can use her like training tool to get over your fear. For example I guess you know in what subject is she good at and ask her if she can help you with studying ...


I can't even talk to girls I like it's no use. I have liked her for a year+ but have never even talked to her but once. I chatted her once last year but she never responded after I said hey


----------



## Zeeshan

bucklti said:


> I've been trying to date this girl. But she is now not responding to my texts. If she does, it's only a few words. At least I can say I'm trying though.


Usually means fishy is lost.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.

Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


Congrats you aren't going to be alone forever I bet it feels great man


----------



## WillYouStopDave

What am I doing to "get" a girl? That sounds a little sinister.


----------



## mezzoforte

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


:yay :yay :yay Congrats!


----------



## Darktower776

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


Congrats, Jesuszilla. :clap


----------



## Payz

jsmith92 said:


> I can't even talk to girls I like it's no use. I have liked her for a year+ but have never even talked to her but once. I chatted her once last year but she never responded after I said hey


Jsmith if you keep saying there is no hope than their isn't. Only you have the power to change your predicament, what do you have to lose by trying something? If you fail you fail it's not like you'll be worse off than you are now, it's a risk reward situation, but to even start getting past it you need to get an attitude of believing you can change your fears. Take risks and force yourself to talk to a girl you like, the more you do it the easier it will get. Try and single out what specifically gives you trouble, do you feel self concious? Are you scared of being judged? Etc. once you know what it is work to fix it


----------



## Jesuszilla

So first she didn't mind that I never had a girlfriend and now she knows that I don't have friends and isn't bothered by it. Its like two of my three biggest insecurities we no big deal and all in my head. This relationship might work out after all 



jsmith92 said:


> Congrats you aren't going to be alone forever I bet it feels great man





mezzoforte said:


> :yay :yay :yay Congrats!





Darktower776 said:


> Congrats, Jesuszilla. :clap


Thank you, thank you, thank you.


----------



## chefdave

My current plan is to wallow in a cesspit of my own pity while occasionally sending out PoF messages that inevitably get ignored. Its going well.


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


:clap

Must be nice to have a girlfriend.


----------



## M0rbid

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


Congrats *thumbs up*


----------



## Jesuszilla

ravens said:


> :clap
> 
> Must be nice to have a girlfriend.





M0rbid said:


> Congrats *thumbs up*


Thanks fellas. It is nice to have a girlfriend.


----------



## TheRob

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from hanging out with her. And we had a talk about our relationship. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to make it official.
> 
> Which means that I have my first girlfriend.


I don't see a thumbs up smiley face, so I give you this:


----------



## jsmith92

TheRob said:


> I don't see a thumbs up smiley face, so I give you this:


Very Niiiiiiice, how much?


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Going to try to see if a girl is interested in the next 2 to 3 weeks, and if it doesn't lead anywhere hopefully bail before I'm too emotionally invested .

On the one hand, I think I've got a shot, considering how she acts around me. On the other hand, apparantly she's been dating some really good looking dude for a while now, but it hasn't gone anywhere so far from what I've heard. As far as I know they're not that good of a match, so maybe I just need to make a move quick and it'll be alright..?


----------



## jsmith92

anyoldkindofday said:


> Going to try to see if a girl is interested in the next 2 to 3 weeks, and if it doesn't lead anywhere hopefully bail before I'm too emotionally invested .
> 
> On the one hand, I think I've got a shot, considering how she acts around me. On the other hand, apparantly she's been dating some really good looking dude for a while now, but it hasn't gone anywhere so far from what I've heard. As far as I know they're not that good of a match, so maybe I just need to make a move quick and it'll be alright..?


Forget girls, I despise them at this point. I tool risks and got burned and now I'm done taking risks forever.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Naww man, the only reason for me to give up would be if I know I'd be happier alone, I need something to look forward to, and I think I might have a chance. I just never take risks because all my friends know eachother, so if I do take a risk everyone will know... Gotta find a moment to take a risk that I'm willing to take, so far I've never found that moment, gotta grow some balls some day though..


----------



## ravens

Most parents want to see their children find somebody to have a family with. Sometimes I think well at least they had a son that could give them that. Then there is me where I've never done anything like that. The one that is probably looked as a freak in this family.


----------



## Jesuszilla

TheRob said:


> I don't see a thumbs up smiley face, so I give you this:


Haha thanks man. that's hilarious pic.



anyoldkindofday said:


> On the one hand, I think I've got a shot, considering how she acts around me. On the other hand, apparantly she's been dating some really good looking dude for a while now, but it hasn't gone anywhere so far from what I've heard. As far as I know they're not that good of a match, so maybe I just need to make a move quick and it'll be alright..?


I don't like that she's been dating someone else. That usually means you're probably not on her radar unless she's dating multiple guys and seeing which one she likes the most.

With that said, it's not working out so you better move quickly because I have learned that time is not on a man's side a lot. If she doesn't know, another man will show interest and you'd lose out.



jsmith92 said:


> Forget girls, I despise them at this point. I tool risks and got burned and now I'm done taking risks forever.


Man you're going to be a junior in HIGH SCHOOL. How are you this bitter? You know what to do and you have a thread like this with guys who have been where you are ready to help you. Use you resources for advice and push yourself to meet girls.



ravens said:


> Most parents want to see their children find somebody to have a family with. Sometimes I think well at least they had a son that could give them that. Then there is me where I've never done anything like that. The one that is probably looked as a freak in this family.


Sorry to hear that ravens. You're a real cool guy and I have seen your weight loss in your photos so you're also an inspiration to a bigger guy like me struggling to lose weight. If there was a way to set you up with a date I would man.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> Man you're going to be a junior in HIGH SCHOOL. How are you this bitter? You know what to do and you have a thread like this with guys who have been where you are ready to help you. Use you resources for advice and push yourself to meet girls.


I'm this bitter because I have been burned too many times and I have come to trust nobody anymore. I care for me myself and I. This is the worst outlook to have in life but it is what sort of keeps me going. Even though I am extremely miserable while I keep going.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

I said hi to a girl today at the park. Finally things are starting to turn themselves around.


----------



## monotonous

this thread is still alive


----------



## Jesuszilla

monotonous said:


> this thread is still alive


Yes of course it's one of the best threads on the site.


----------



## monotonous

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes of course it's one of the best threads on the site.


you forgot http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f31/post-the-cutest-girl-youve-ever-seen-v-5-a-214646/


----------



## RyannJ

Face it: it is hard to learn how to get a girl to love you. No matter what other “seduction gurus” say. It’s friggin’ hard.


----------



## Jesuszilla

monotonous said:


> you forgot http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f31/post-the-cutest-girl-youve-ever-seen-v-5-a-214646/


I didn't even know that thread existed.


----------



## Payz

jsmith92 said:


> I'm this bitter because I have been burned too many times and I have come to trust nobody anymore. I care for me myself and I. This is the worst outlook to have in life but it is what sort of keeps me going. Even though I am extremely miserable while I keep going.


Honestly what do you have to lose. Jsmith go up to the girl you like and say hi, ask her about her day, have a short conversation, than come back here. If you're already so miserable what do you have to lose from talking to her, and honestly what's the worse that can happen. Even if she has you completely and tries to stab you in the face it's not like you lost anything. If you keep this hopeless bitter attitude you aren't going to get anywhere, just push yourself to take a risk, you won't regret it and it may end up turning your life around.


----------



## Handsome Beast

Well after a month on OKC I got a bite! Someone who is a geek like me (maybe even more so!). Time for the anxiety to ratchet to 10+! Just introductory text so far. I'm trying not to get my hopes too far up but this is exciting (I'm not as ugly as I thought!)!


----------



## villadb

Handsome Beast said:


> Well after a month on OKC I got a bite! Someone who is a geek like me (maybe even more so!). Time for the anxiety to ratchet to 10+! Just introductory text so far. I'm trying not to get my hopes too far up but this is exciting (I'm not as ugly as I thought!)!


That's cool. I've got a mutual 'meet me' on PoF, I'm just trying to build courage to message her. I'm definitely doing a lot better this time round than I have before.


----------



## rymo




----------



## SilentLyric

Bert Reynolds said:


> I said hi to a girl today at the park. Finally things are starting to turn themselves around.


I don't know if you were joking or not, but getting the willpower to talk to a girl can be the most difficult part. Especially when you have social anxiety and inexperience with the opposite sex.


----------



## Jesuszilla

My girlfriend is a virgin. She told me that the reason she's been in 6 relationships (most of which were in high school) was because guys wouldn't stick around until she was comfortable having sex. Now it doesn't bother me at all that she's a virgin, I'm just stunned to find out. She's beautiful and it just seems foreign to me that she'd of all people, especially with her personality, would be a virgin.


----------



## pacasio1

I am still trying to just talk to girls without boring them, I really have nothing to say when they ask me, what do you do? They get bored and do not even want to be friends. I would like to watch closely and see how other guys interact with and how they respond, maybe I can learn something, and finally get a girl.


----------



## villadb

Jesuszilla said:


> My girlfriend is a virgin. She told me that the reason she's been in 6 relationships (most of which were in high school) was because guys wouldn't stick around until she was comfortable having sex. Now it doesn't bother me at all that she's a virgin, I'm just stunned to find out. She's beautiful and it just seems foreign to me that she'd of all people, especially with her personality, would be a virgin.


Wasn't it her who had a similar reaction when you told her you hadn't been in a relationship? I guess that would partly explain her reaction, as I think you were a bit worried about it at the time, that she didn't believe you. Good luck, it sounds like you two are a good fit.


----------



## Jesuszilla

villadb said:


> Wasn't it her who had a similar reaction when you told her you hadn't been in a relationship? I guess that would partly explain her reaction, as I think you were a bit worried about it at the time, that she didn't believe you. Good luck, it sounds like you two are a good fit.


That's very true actually. I guess it's hard to believe when someone seems so amazing to us. Thanks btw I do think we are a good fit too.


----------



## ugrax

srschirm said:


> For some reason this comment just made my mind go off in a totally different direction.


----------



## Handsome Beast

Okay, names have been exchanged! This is a nail biter for me!


----------



## londonguy202

Jesuszilla said:


> Now it doesn't bother me at all that she's a virgin, I'm just stunned to find out. She's beautiful and it just seems foreign to me that she'd of all people, especially with her personality, would be a virgin.


I am the same, I had a few good relationships in school but never when right and my parents just wanted me to end it before trouble began. I am with that I dont mind if my GF is a virgin, Would never trouble me.


----------



## WesleyGibson

Get a six pack... girl would be interested even if you are dumb
(Sad but true)


----------



## absreim

Went to a match.com singles event earlier in the week. I didn't get anyone's number there, but the experience made talking to girls easier.

I've been regularly going to dance clubs on weekends as well. I keep hearing that bars and clubs are bad venues for meeting people for relationships, but I enjoy simply being able to interact with girls by dancing with them.


----------



## villadb

WesleyGibson said:


> Get a six pack... girl would be interested even if you are dumb
> (Sad but true)


But surely 99% of the time people wear clothes so having a six pack is irrelevant if you have no self esteem, are ugly or too cripplingly shy to act upon any interest. That's what women see when they look at us.

I'm currently at a low point with regards to women, I don't know whether you could have guessed.


----------



## Zeeshan

villadb said:


> But surely 99% of the time people wear clothes so having a six pack is irrelevant if you have no self esteem, are ugly or too cripplingly shy to act upon any interest. That's what women see when they look at us.
> 
> I'm currently at a low point with regards to women, I don't know whether you could have guessed.


girls can see your body fat level based on the definition on your face.

human beings are naturally attracted to low body fat esp women


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Ugh, there's this girl I want to ask on a date and I'm likely going to have only one shot before september, this wednesday at a barbecue. Some days I feel like I have a chance but right now my mind is ruled by the thought "what if she says no?" I haven't figured out how I'll make it non-awkward if it goes that way, and it's killing me, I've never asked a girl out before and rejection seems so hard to take, even if this girl isn't going to be terrible about it, hell she'll probably feel bad for saying no to me.

And even on the days I think I might have a shot I worry over how I should ask her and where I should take her, and I just can't find the answers. Everything I can think of has some clear pro's but also some cons and there just doesn't seem to be a "right" way to go about it. I hate how I've gotten rid of my social anxiety and overthinking everywhere except the goddamn romantic front.


----------



## WesleyGibson

villadb said:


> But surely 99% of the time people wear clothes so having a six pack is irrelevant if you have no self esteem, are ugly or too cripplingly shy to act upon any interest. That's what women see when they look at us.
> 
> I'm currently at a low point with regards to women, I don't know whether you could have guessed.





Zeeshan said:


> girls can see your body fat level based on the definition on your face.
> 
> human beings are naturally attracted to low body fat esp women


even if you don´t have a six pack a low fat level can make you attractive... for example Josh Peck (Drake and Josh) and a six pack can make you more confortable because you can feel that you have what other don´t have..
(For example in my classroom I think that only 2 guys could have a six pack)


----------



## villadb

Jesus Christ I just got a bite on plenty of fish with an actual (hopefully) genuine girl


----------



## knightofdespair

WesleyGibson said:


> even if you don´t have a six pack a low fat level can make you attractive... for example Josh Peck (Drake and Josh) and a six pack can make you more confortable because you can feel that you have what other don´t have..
> (For example in my classroom I think that only 2 guys could have a six pack)


Supersize it to a keg!


----------



## Jesuszilla

villadb said:


> Jesus Christ I just got a bite on plenty of fish with an actual (hopefully) genuine girl


Good luck man, I'm pulling for ya.


----------



## rockiscool

I talk to them(ladies)


----------



## villadb

Jesuszilla said:


> Good luck man, I'm pulling for ya.


Cheers, I had a decent conversation with her last night. What's the etiquette? Do I message her again tonight, or does that come across a bit clingy? When do I ask if she wants to meet? So many questions...


----------



## Jesuszilla

villadb said:


> Cheers, I had a decent conversation with her last night. What's the etiquette? Do I message her again tonight, or does that come across a bit clingy? When do I ask if she wants to meet? So many questions...


This is what I would do:

I'd ask for her number and either call or text her that day. Then by the weekend (or whenever the two of you are free) I would ask for a date.

The only thing that would be clingy is if you call or text her hundreds of times a day. Otherwise use common sense to dictate what to do.


----------



## Cyclonic

Going to a wedding tomorrow

Maybe I'll get super drunk and accidentally ask a girl to dance.


----------



## jsmith92

Jesuszilla said:


> This is what I would do:
> 
> I'd ask for her number and either call or text her that day. Then by the weekend (or whenever the two of you are free) I would ask for a date.
> 
> The only thing that would be clingy is if you call or text her hundreds of times a day. Otherwise use common sense to dictate what to do.


If you are like me and have overtexted every single girl I have been attracted to and had a chance with, then don't even bother asking for her number. At some point you will make her run off from you being too clingy.


----------



## Rixy

jsmith92 said:


> If you are like me and have overtexted every single girl I have been attracted to and had a chance with, then don't even bother asking for her number. At some point you will make her run off from you being too clingy.


Learn from your mistakes?


----------



## jsmith92

Rixy said:


> Learn from your mistakes?


The day that happens will be the day I will be a normal person and not a freak (in other words it will never happen).


----------



## kursedlife

villadb said:


> Jesus Christ I just got a bite on plenty of fish with an actual (hopefully) genuine girl


Lucky you. I've been on the site for 8 ****ing years and never got a response from anyone.


----------



## Zeeshan

kursedlife said:


> Lucky you. I've been on the site for 8 ****ing years and never got a response from anyone.


That's awful

What kind of women do you message


----------



## Zeeshan

jsmith92 said:


> If you are like me and have overtexted every single girl I have been attracted to and had a chance with, then don't even bother asking for her number. At some point you will make her run off from you being too clingy.


Never ever go higher than a 1 to 1 ratio in texts

If she doesn't reply throw some sense into her.


----------



## Noca

Zeeshan said:


> Never ever go higher than a 1 to 1 ratio in texts


Good advice


----------



## kursedlife

Zeeshan said:


> That's awful
> 
> What kind of women do you message


Any that I'm attracted to.


----------



## Yer Blues

I've been playing hard to get for about twenty years. I don't think it's working?


----------



## jsmith92

Zeeshan said:


> Never ever go higher than a 1 to 1 ratio in texts
> 
> If she doesn't reply throw some sense into her.


There's no need anymore because I have given up on girls.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Finding something to work on with every rejection I get. Hoping that becoming the best man I can be might at some point help me find someone to share my life with. 

First rejection, she seemed promising but ended up going for the guy who had practically nothing over me personality-wise but had better looks and a loaded daddy (last one isn't that significant but he just bragged more than I did). Decided to fix everything I don't like about my looks, getting pretty close to the best I'm gonna be, just the acne and a bit more muscle definition to go, think I can reach the point I want to be in less than 1.5 year with a bit of luck.

Second one wasn't really a rejection but I made my conclusions based off the guys she was going for during the time that I liked her and attempted to flirt with her. She was much more outgoing than I was (and am) and went for guys that were the complete opposite of myself. While I have no intention of becoming anything like those guys, and we simply were likely nowhere near a good match, wanting her did help me step out of my comfortzone. I never liked parties and I've always been terrible in bars, I'm alright with parties now given certain circumstances and I handle bars a lot better as well. I think this will be a never-ending work in progress as I try to balance being outgoing enough to fulfill my social needs while trying to stay true to myself.

Third and most recent is possibly the sweetest girl I've ever known(and the most gentle but clear rejection possible), who I'm afraid I gave a wrong impression of myself and I only realised I did so after asking her out. Most occasions we spoke were barbecues and the likes, and I'd be drunk more than half the time. When I'm drunk I like to make inappropriate jokes that go completely against what my opinion on the subject is, the idea being that people that know me will find it amusing to hear me say the complete opposite of what I'd usually say. However I only just realised she never really knew me(and I didn't know her I just felt like we did because of how great she is to be around) Seeing as most of our conversations included me being drunk for all I know she thinks my drunk jokes represent how I actually think about life. Now on top of that perhaps even more importantly, she's what you'd call a Straight-A-Student, a hard-working overachiever, I on the other hand while I'm a smart guy, am on paper an ambitionless lazy underachiever that's spent one and a half year on a bachelor thesis and hasn't gotten anywhere yet, and while I have my (good) reasons for being that way, it does add up nicely to the image of the useless a-hole I jokingly pretend to be when I'm drunk. And so it got me thinking, and while having no large ambitions is not such a great deal to me, it is actually sort of a deal to those around me, and right now I'm more likely to attract people who are also ambitionless (but for the wrong reasons), rather than the ambitious yet great people like the girl in question. I know I'm not making much sense with this last one, but getting rejected by this girl I realised that I'd have a much better shot at reaching the kind of girls (and friends) I'm looking for if I were to actually try and live up to say, 70% of my potential. And hell maybe actually "doing something with my life" will make me feel better in the long run as well.

So yeah, that's my journey to become the perfect man.. hope it doesn't take me too many more rejections to get where I want to be.


----------



## Ywasi

I can't find interesting women. Why do the interesting ones always have to be 40+ ?!


----------



## Fwz

I will try my hardest to be able to post something in this thread! But as of right now only bad things have happened between me and girls lol.


----------



## villadb

Jesuszilla said:


> This is what I would do:
> 
> I'd ask for her number and either call or text her that day. Then by the weekend (or whenever the two of you are free) I would ask for a date.
> 
> The only thing that would be clingy is if you call or text her hundreds of times a day. Otherwise use common sense to dictate what to do.


Well, I tried to contact her again and even left my mobile number and got nothing in return. I think I can file it in the 'no' pile. At least I got an online conversation out of it I guess. Tbh the dread I've been feeling at the prospect that she said yes has made me think I'm really not cut out for this anyway.


----------



## knightofdespair

Ywasi said:


> I can't find interesting women. Why do the interesting ones always have to be 40+ ?!


I'm willing to try a good gap in age, but when it comes along with kids that adds a whole additional layer of mess there to deal with.


----------



## Randomguy555

kursedlife said:


> Lucky you. I've been on the site for 8 ****ing years and never got a response from anyone.


Jeeze man 8 years??? I would have given up a few months in, you're definitely persistent!


----------



## anomnomnom

Still absolutely nothing (which is starting to wear thin)

For some reason when I'm in my home town being chronically single doesnt bother me in the slightest, I mean its not a great town, we have a bit of a reputation of being rather rough and a load of single young mums and all that. makes me think It would be way too much effort to find someone round here (Refuse to be with anyone with kids). 

But then I dont know what it is, I occasionally go out with a friend, go to another town...its like all the women are somehow 20x more attractive (possibly because I dont see a kid with them?)..and then I see all the couples holding hands and hugging and stuff (which in itself seems a rare occurrence round here for whatever reason) Gets me down quite a bit, makes me think I should at least try, usually worse the day after going somewhere (I went out yesterday, feeling pretty miserable about this part of my life today!) 

It'll pass I guess, I'm not slagging any local women off either, I just find it weird how majority I see in early/mid 20's are with kid or at least a pram, instant turn off..It's what I gathered when I once checked a dating site as a guest, kid kid kid kid...ugh


----------



## Rixy

I'm not looking for anyone at the moment; hopefully I'll be moving cities for training in my new career. I'll have to go to university for the academic part of the training and will live in halls/dorms with university students. I'm hoping that I can finally meet someone at that point. Meanwhile, I'm trying to work on my confidence which is up and down so I don't know where I'm at. I've collected a nice wardrobe now and have been complimented, which is nice. A lot of the time though I just don't feel that I'm particularly interesting. I've noticed that over the past year I've been studying and working so much that I've not really kept up any hobbies. Now that my course has finished I'm waiting for the next academic year to start and I'm depressed because I don't know what to do. 

I play guitar, bass and beatbox but I've lost a lot of motivation with it and feel like I'm spinning my creative wheels. Not a lot really interests me. I'm going to make the effort to learn how to cook proper meals and prepare desserts and drinks, so that's a step forward I guess. And I really enjoy comic books and have always wanted to write a script for fun. I always beat myself up in the beginning stages though and never get over the beginner's hump.

Damn, I went off topic. 

/lolpointlessrant


----------



## kursedlife

Mokusei said:


> Jeeze man 8 years??? I would have given up a few months in, you're definitely persistent!


I have given up. I only check the site from time to time out of boredom


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Going to have to expand my social circle, girls within my social circle are either too young (mentally), not my type, I'm not their type, or they're taken.


----------



## IcedOver

I mentioned this elsewhere, but last week I got a conversation going with a girl online, and we were planning to meet sometime this month. You wouldn't want me to go into details. The problem is the uncertainty over whether she's telling the truth about various things. She seemed pretty gung ho for this, but did not reply to my message on Saturday and hasn't replied to a follow-up one today. She said she's very busy, but the fact that she didn't reply is telling me this is another flake-out. 

I also made an ad asking if anyone wants to go to Kennywood (Pittsburgh's amusement park) with me. I don't really have anyone to go with and haven't been in a few years, so aside from the fact that it would be experience (probably just as a friend) hanging out with a woman, I just really want to go to the park. Predictably, no one has replied.


----------



## Handsome Beast

Well it seems I did make a new friend. Just wasn't a spark with us. But it's a learning experience and good to get myself out there. But what's the old saying: "If at first you don't succeed, blah, blah, blah." I will get there, by hook or by crook!


----------



## chefdave

Zeeshan said:


> girls can see your body fat level based on the definition on your face.
> 
> human beings are naturally attracted to low body fat esp women


I've had ab definition for years but it hasn't really helped me. An outgoing friend at work (who I sometimes trained with) even insisted on lifting up my top at one point to show the girls my '6 pack'. I think girls prefer that feeling of confidence and security they get from a "real man" rather than superficial a thing like a low body fat %.


----------



## chefdave

Today I thought it might be a nice idea to have a low key relationship with a girl. By low key I mean going out for a walk or a coffee etc, nothing too serious or stressful.

Being open to the possibility of a relationship is probably the best step I can take right now as I haven't even _tried _to get a gf for years. I asked someone out when I was 15 and it all went horribly wrong as she dumped me within a couple of days. I haven't seriously pursued anyone since then.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

I might actually try and hit on someone tomorrow (4th of July). Hopefully girls are a little easier that night.


----------



## rickey

Bert Reynolds said:


> I might actually try and hit on someone tomorrow (4th of July). Hopefully girls are a little easier that night.


I foresee fireworks in your future young padawan!


----------



## Brandeezy

Haven't been on here in a while but I have feelings for my 44 y/o co worker guys and the thing is that she likes me. Like she's stuck in my head all the time, which is weird because this never happens. I'm too scared to ask for her number though smh


----------



## Rixy

Brandeezy said:


> Haven't been on here in a while but I have feelings for my 44 y/o co worker guys and the thing is that she likes me. Like she's stuck in my head all the time, which is weird because this never happens. I'm too scared to ask for her number though smh


Neat. I used to have a crush on a woman who worked in a different department to me who was in her 30s (I think).

Could be worth a try, dating coworkers can be a little awkward. Do you see her all the time at work?


----------



## ToeSnails

What I am doing to get a girl?

Nothing. Not even trying. 
However, I work on myself, so when my mentality shifts and I feel the need for a woman in my life, I can get one.


----------



## Brandeezy

Rixy said:


> Neat. I used to have a crush on a woman who worked in a different department to me who was in her 30s (I think).
> 
> Could be worth a try, dating coworkers can be a little awkward. Do you see her all the time at work?


Practically every morning and i've went out on a date with a co-worker before, I posted about it on here actually. But yeah she's bluntly told me "No novias, only me ok?" and among other things but i don't know how to ask her for her number. Tomorrow i'm just gonna ask for her FB since she mentioned it the other day and then develop from there


----------



## jsmith92

Brandeezy said:


> Practically every morning and i've went out on a date with a co-worker before, I posted about it on here actually. But yeah she's bluntly told me "No novias, only me ok?" and among other things but i don't know how to ask her for her number. Tomorrow i'm just gonna ask for her FB since she mentioned it the other day and then develop from there


She will screw you over in the future. Get rid of her ASAP. Don't give things a chance to develop.


----------



## cpuzManiac

havent posted on this forums since 2012. in that time i broke up with my girlfriend of one year. 

after a while I started talking to another girl I met on PoF who goes to the same college as me, lets call her Cherish. We text, IM, skype for about a month and finally go out on a lunch date. I thought it went pretty good. we chat or text pretty much everyday. we have lunch or study together on campus whenever we both have an opening between classes for the next 2 months. we go on at another date. at this point we've been talking for 3, almost 4 months. i basically tell her i'd like to date her further and have a relationship. she pretty much tells me she doesnt like the term dating and dont want to date. (then why the ***** are you on pof, a dating website :sus ). three weeks late she just stops responding to my IM and text messages and unfriends me from FB. i later findout its because she got back together with her ex. so much for not believing in dating....

next girl, lets call her Kelly, i met her through a mutual friend. we text for a bit then go out on a casual coffee date. shes attractive but i feel no chemistry. we mutually decide not to go on a second date.

this latest one, lets call her Marissi, shes a classmate. after being in a class with her for a week I immediately knew I was attracted to her tried speaking with her more in person. I also found her on FB and begin chatting with her more. after a little under a month from meeting her I findout her birthday is coming up. i buy her bouquet of flowers and give them to her on her birthday with the intentions of asking her out. after her initial surprise, she asks if the intentions are romantic. I tell her yes and she immediately says she must decline the gift. i wasnt expecting it and so I dont get to ask her if she wants to date, but either way I think she got the point. it was awkward seeing her in class the next couple days but I got over it. I'm just still a bit sad about it, but im trying to get over it

so what ive been doing overall? mostly meeting women from online dating (okcupid, pof, date my school). however sometimes i initially meet them in person, in which case they are usually classmates or a friend of a friend. in that case after being familiar with me just from being in the same class or hanging out I try to see if they're interested. if they are I try to get their number or add them to FB and begin contacting them more frequently and see if they want to go out on a date. call me old fashion but I enjoy the whole taking a girl out on a date thing (whether it be movies and dinner or hiking or some kind of out door activity).

i hope theres another girl out there that I can have a healthy relationship with


----------



## jsmith92

cpuzManiac said:


> havent posted on this forums since 2012. in that time i broke up with my girlfriend of one year.
> 
> after a while I started talking to another girl I met on PoF who goes to the same college as me, lets call her Cherish. We text, IM, skype for about a month and finally go out on a lunch date. I thought it went pretty good. we chat or text pretty much everyday. we have lunch or study together on campus whenever we both have an opening between classes for the next 2 months. we go on at another date. at this point we've been talking for 3, almost 4 months. i basically tell her i'd like to date her further and have a relationship. she pretty much tells me she doesnt like the term dating and dont want to date. (then why the ***** are you on pof, a dating website :sus ). three weeks late she just stops responding to my IM and text messages and unfriends me from FB. i later findout its because she got back together with her ex. so much for not believing in dating....
> 
> next girl, lets call her Kelly, i met her through a mutual friend. we text for a bit then go out on a casual coffee date. shes attractive but i feel no chemistry. we mutually decide not to go on a second date.
> 
> this latest one, lets call her Marissi, shes a classmate. after being in a class with her for a week I immediately knew I was attracted to her tried speaking with her more in person. I also found her on FB and begin chatting with her more. after a little under a month from meeting her I findout her birthday is coming up. i buy her bouquet of flowers and give them to her on her birthday with the intentions of asking her out. after her initial surprise, she asks if the intentions are romantic. I tell her yes and she immediately says she must decline the gift. i wasnt expecting it and so I dont get to ask her if she wants to date, but either way I think she got the point. it was awkward seeing her in class the next couple days but I got over it. I'm just still a bit sad about it, but im trying to get over it
> 
> so what ive been doing overall? mostly meeting women from online dating (okcupid, pof, date my school). however sometimes i initially meet them in person, in which case they are usually classmates or a friend of a friend. in that case after being familiar with me just from being in the same class or hanging out I try to see if they're interested. if they are I try to get their number or add them to FB and begin contacting them more frequently and see if they want to go out on a date. call me old fashion but I enjoy the whole taking a girl out on a date thing (whether it be movies and dinner or hiking or some kind of out door activity).
> 
> i hope theres another girl out there that I can have a healthy relationship with


Girls suck forget it


----------



## SilentLyric

truly not making an effort right now.


----------



## Rixy

Brandeezy said:


> Practically every morning and i've went out on a date with a co-worker before, I posted about it on here actually. But yeah she's bluntly told me "No novias, only me ok?" and among other things but i don't know how to ask her for her number. Tomorrow i'm just gonna ask for her FB since she mentioned it the other day and then develop from there


Good luck. There's a risk with co-workers but go for it if you want.


----------



## cpuzManiac

never had crush on a coworker, but did many times on a classmate. at least with a classmate its not everyday and after that semester you may or may not see them anymore.

either way I say go for it. better to have tried and fail then not have tried at all and always have a 'what if' in your head, trust me, i know.


----------



## jsmith92

cpuzManiac said:


> never had crush on a coworker, but did many times on a classmate. at least with a classmate its not everyday and after that semester you may or may not see them anymore.
> 
> either way I say go for it. better to have tried and fail then not have tried at all and always have a 'what if' in your head, trust me, i know.


It's not a what if because none of the girls are interested anyways so it doesn't matter screw them.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> It's not a what if because none of the girls are interested anyways so it doesn't matter screw them.


jsmith, you're a good dude but if you're going to continue to post this negative, unproductive **** in my thread I'm going to have to kindly ask you to leave. :yes

You may be ultra-cynical for little reason and at such an extremely young age, but that doesn't mean everyone is. Let's keep things positive here, because that is literally the only way things can change for someone who isn't having success (in any area, really). The negativity accomplishes nothing.


----------



## Noca

Making an effort to talk to girls(strangers) I find cute when I'm out and about while using CBT to deal with my anxiety associated with it.


----------



## jsmith92

Noca said:


> Making an effort to talk to girls(strangers) I find cute when I'm out and about while using CBT to deal with my anxiety associated with it.


I wish I could do this. It just makes me depressed when I see girls I find cute wherever I am.


----------



## shwoop

No girl wants to be with an emotionally unstable guy. So no point in me trying. I'll just end up getting hurt even more anyway.


----------



## jsmith92

shwoop said:


> No girl wants to be with an emotionally unstable guy. So no point in me trying. I'll just end up getting hurt even more anyway.


Yup this is exactly how I am. In the end I get hurt and then I do something stupid out of frustration to get back at the person that hurt me.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> jsmith, you're a good dude but if you're going to continue to post this negative, unproductive **** in my thread I'm going to have to kindly ask you to leave. :yes
> 
> You may be ultra-cynical for little reason and at such an extremely young age, but that doesn't mean everyone is. Let's keep things positive here, because that is literally the only way things can change for someone who isn't having success (in any area, really). The negativity accomplishes nothing.


My friend said the same thing to me today. He said that complaining about it but not doing anything is completely hypocritical. Agh how do I get out of this pit of hell.


----------



## Zeeshan

shwoop said:


> No girl wants to be with an emotionally unstable guy. So no point in me trying. I'll just end up getting hurt even more anyway.


Hahaha

You have much to learn. Women love emotionally messed up men


----------



## Zeeshan

jsmith92 said:


> My friend said the same thing to me today. He said that complaining about it but not doing anything is completely hypocritical. Agh how do I get out of this pit of hell.


Look girls are simple

They have to find you attractive. I know it's shallow but unless she finds you attractive it ain't gonna work

So you have to do what you can to improve your looks. If you need help with that post your pic.


----------



## Zeeshan

Brandeezy said:


> Practically every morning and i've went out on a date with a co-worker before, I posted about it on here actually. But yeah she's bluntly told me "No novias, only me ok?" and among other things but i don't know how to ask her for her number. Tomorrow i'm just gonna ask for her FB since she mentioned it the other day and then develop from there


What's the update on this. If she is significantly older she prob wants to get laid more than anything

But good luck. Yes I remember your previous adventures


----------



## Brandeezy

Zeeshan said:


> What's the update on this. If she is significantly older she prob wants to get laid more than anything
> 
> But good luck. Yes I remember your previous adventures


I stopped pursing since I realized that their were younger and hotter girls who shop at the store. 2 of my workers are dating 2 customers who shop here. Both girls asked for their number while both of them were working too which surprised the hell out of me. I never had a chick do that for me but u can always hope lol


----------



## jsmith92

Zeeshan said:


> Look girls are simple
> 
> They have to find you attractive. I know it's shallow but unless she finds you attractive it ain't gonna work
> 
> So you have to do what you can to improve your looks. If you need help with that post your pic.


The looks are fine according to many of my friends who are girls although friend is over exaggerating because I have never hung out with a girl before outside of school in my life.


----------



## jsmith92

Zeeshan said:


> Look girls are simple
> 
> They have to find you attractive. I know it's shallow but unless she finds you attractive it ain't gonna work
> 
> So you have to do what you can to improve your looks. If you need help with that post your pic.


This is the same way with me and girls. If I don't find them attractive it isn't going to work. I don't even consider them unless they have good looks. But after looks comes personality. If they don't have both those things they are not worth it.


----------



## Marakunda

I can't, so there's no point in trying?

.............

Putting in effort is terrifying.
I'm a failure, so no.
I don't want to subject a girl to me.
That's torturous.
Whenever I've seen a cute girl my mind has never went to "how could I make her like me", that seems fake. My mind always goes to "if only there was a way she could like me" ya know? That seems a lot more natural. 
I don't think I can care enough to try.
But I still want it. For some reason.
So that's a problem.

Why do I still feel loneliness even when I'm not human?
*That's* also torturous, it's not fair.
I just want to stop caring.


----------



## villadb

My online dating seems to have hit a brick wall. The one girl I struck up a convo with said no to meeting up, now nobody seems to be looking at my profile. Nothing else on the horizon in real life. Bit depressing really.


----------



## Elad

going to get a big box, stick, string, a taylor swift cd and camp outside the local highschool. will report back with results.


i think 16 is legal here. 



i think.

**** this plan is already falling apart


----------



## villadb

Hmmm I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I was looking through Plenty of Fish when I thought I recognised somebody I serve fairly regularly at work. I wasn't sure so didn't think anything of it, but then I was on Facebook and I was looking through who liked one of my friend's posts and I spotted the same profile picture amongst them. It turns out it is her. Now she is always really smiley towards me and I think she is rather lovely, but if I message her I'm worried that if she ignores it it will be really awkward next time I serve her! Then again, she will probably see me amongst those who viewed her and might think I'm weird for not messaging her, thus also making it awkward next time I serve her. Not sure what to do :blank


----------



## zoslow

Absolutely nothing. Don't seem to be working for some reason


----------



## villadb

villadb said:


> Hmmm I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I was looking through Plenty of Fish when I thought I recognised somebody I serve fairly regularly at work. I wasn't sure so didn't think anything of it, but then I was on Facebook and I was looking through who liked one of my friend's posts and I spotted the same profile picture amongst them. It turns out it is her. Now she is always really smiley towards me and I think she is rather lovely, but if I message her I'm worried that if she ignores it it will be really awkward next time I serve her! Then again, she will probably see me amongst those who viewed her and might think I'm weird for not messaging her, thus also making it awkward next time I serve her. Not sure what to do :blank


Well I messaged her, she obviously read it and hasn't replied haha. God I'm going to die if I have to serve her in the shop lol. Why am I such a loser in everything?


----------



## londonguy202

Nothing really, Wish I could just go out and pick up women buts its hard when your sober.


----------



## pentagonman

villadb said:


> Hmmm I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I was looking through Plenty of Fish when I thought I recognised somebody I serve fairly regularly at work. I wasn't sure so didn't think anything of it, but then I was on Facebook and I was looking through who liked one of my friend's posts and I spotted the same profile picture amongst them. It turns out it is her. Now she is always really smiley towards me and I think she is rather lovely, but if I message her I'm worried that if she ignores it it will be really awkward next time I serve her! Then again, she will probably see me amongst those who viewed her and might think I'm weird for not messaging her, thus also making it awkward next time I serve her. Not sure what to do :blank


If you are going to meet some one you need to ask. So message her if works out great, if she does not then that should not be a problem. Online dating is a numbers game, she may never see your message to start with, as any decent looking woman will get swamped with men messaging them. Awkward should be the last thing on your mind...


----------



## jsmith92

I'm doing nothing but yet I keep complaining. Summer school is almost over and I haven't even spoken once to my crush. I'm trapped inside my own head. It bothers me so much. It makes me feel like crap inside.


----------



## Darktower776

Not much but there is this girl at work that I've strongly been thinking about asking her out. Time is running short though since her last day is coming up soon.

I thought about just throwing all my insecurities and hang ups to the wind going ahead and asking her. Even if she rejected me at least I would have DONE something for once instead of beating myself up later.


----------



## Charmeleon

Nothing, too depressed to even bother.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Forever alone accepted.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

I've lost all hope. Romantic love is just something I'll have to accept as unreachable. Every time I open myself up for it It's another reminder that I really should give up. What use is love when you are born with a shattered heart beyond repair.

Edit: One day later. I haven't lost hope. Not at all. I was just down because I learned from Facebook the girl I still like still is in a relationship. I see her about once or twice a year. We have a good connection and I knew she liked me in the past. But I was to depressed back than to think she would ever like me. And I was too messed up to even try anything. 

For the most part I'm glad I met her. Because now I know I can attract women. Ofcourse I've always done so. I just never saw it because of my mental state. I need to stop being so harsh on myself like I've done all my life.

I learned from Facebook she is in a relationship. She never mentioned him ever. So that's weird. But I should have respected her privacy in the first place and while I didn't deleted Facebook I took everything off it. So it's just an empty profile now. I'm never going to use it again. I really did not like the idea of me snooping around like that, or at least it feels like that to me.

So I'm happy we're just friends.  And now I've got that behind me I can focus of women who are actually available. Though I must admit I don't get out much so the hard part. That was the problem all along. I just don't meet new people. Or hardly. So how am I supposed to find women who like me? Tinder?


----------



## Zeeshan

I hate that this thread has now become a downer instead of encouragement.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Zeeshan said:


> I hate that this thread has now become a downer instead of encouragement.


Agreed. And I can't really give advice when everyone either throwing in the towel or dismissive of anything positive.


----------



## hypestyle

I keep getting ignored on the dating sites I'm on.. okay, I got one inquiry, but it was from a single mom and that's not where my head is at..


----------



## rymo

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> I've lost all hope. Romantic love is just something I'll have to accept as unreachable. Every time I open myself up for it It's another reminder that I really should give up. What use is love when you are born with a shattered heart beyond repair.
> 
> Edit: One day later. I haven't lost hope. Not at all. I was just down because I learned from Facebook the girl I still like still is in a relationship. I see her about once or twice a year. We have a good connection and I knew she liked me in the past. But I was to depressed back than to think she would ever like me. And I was too messed up to even try anything.
> 
> For the most part I'm glad I met her. Because now I know I can attract women. Ofcourse I've always done so. I just never saw it because of my mental state. I need to stop being so harsh on myself like I've done all my life.
> 
> I learned from Facebook she is in a relationship. She never mentioned him ever. So that's weird. But I should have respected her privacy in the first place and while I didn't deleted Facebook I took everything off it. So it's just an empty profile now. I'm never going to use it again. I really did not like the idea of me snooping around like that, or at least it feels like that to me.
> 
> So I'm happy we're just friends.  And now I've got that behind me I can focus of women who are actually available. Though I must admit I don't get out much so the hard part. That was the problem all along. I just don't meet new people. Or hardly. So how am I supposed to find women who like me? Tinder?


Go out by yourself. And yes, there's nothing wrong with online dating. Either way, good job on your progress! No use getting all hung about about one dame when there's plenty more out there.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

rymo said:


> Go out by yourself. And yes, there's nothing wrong with online dating. Either way, good job on your progress! No use getting all hung about about one dame when there's plenty more out there.


Going out alone isn't really an option. I don't live in a large city and the bars here are all **** basically. Too many 'old' people living here as well. If I didn't had my friends and job here I would have moved out a long time ago.

Online dating. Yeah I don't know. Never tried it. I don't like to try it.


----------



## Darktower776

Chickened out again. I had a chance to ask her out tonight but couldn't do it.

I think that there is a good chance this girl at work would say "yes" if I asked her out. However there is also a high chance that she will reject me due to the age difference or finding out I still live at home or one of the many other reasons and insecurities I have.

Need some advice/opinions. I don't know what to do. She is quitting at the end of the month and I am running out of time. Heck, that may have been my last chance tonight for all I know.

Even if she rejected me or said it couldn't work on the first date, maybe it would still be worth it to me just have the experience of being in the company of a girl that I like.


----------



## rymo

Darktower776 said:


> Chickened out again. I had a chance to ask her out tonight but couldn't do it.
> 
> I think that there is a good chance this girl at work would say "yes" if I asked her out. However there is also a high chance that she will reject me due to the age difference or finding out I still live at home or one of the many other reasons and insecurities I have.
> 
> Need some advice/opinions. I don't know what to do. She is quitting at the end of the month and I am running out of time. Heck, that may have been my last chance tonight for all I know.
> 
> Even if she rejected me or said it couldn't work on the first date, maybe it would still be worth it to me just have the experience of being in the company of a girl that I like.


Yes. It would. Despite how painful it could potentially be getting rejected...it's always better to have that learning experience than to not even try. The only advice I can give you is that everyone goes through the pain of rejection to a certain extent and a certain amount of times during their life, so you're not alone and you should always take the gamble when the opportunity presents itself. Why? Because otherwise...what does your life become? A series of missed opportunities because you were a little scared of rejection? That's no way to do things. You got this.

No matter what happens, you can take pride in the fact that you sucked it up and asked the girl out. And next time, you'll be able to do it even more easily.


----------



## Darktower776

rymo said:


> Yes. It would. Despite how painful it could potentially be getting rejected...it's always better to have that learning experience than to not even try. The only advice I can give you is that everyone goes through the pain of rejection to a certain extent and a certain amount of times during their life, so you're not alone and you should always take the gamble when the opportunity presents itself. Why? Because otherwise...what does your life become? A series of missed opportunities because you were a little scared of rejection? That's no way to do things. You got this.
> 
> No matter what happens, you can take pride in the fact that you sucked it up and asked the girl out. And next time, you'll be able to do it ever more easily.


Thanks for this. Really good advice and so true. Hopefully I get at least one more chance and make myself do it this time.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

I'm not even sure I'm cut out for this at all. Every physical and mental flaw notwithstanding, I don't seem to have the 'right' mindset for 'getting' a girl. Apparently physical attraction is a must, even though I personally don't give a crap about appearances. Confidence is considered important even though I find bashfulness much more attractive. Flirting is a mystery to me, I prefer straight and earnest talk about emotions. I don't know, but just from reading forums and websites, dating is simply caked in superficial douchebaggery over substance. I'm not whining... yet. Or maybe I'm whining pre-emptively. I'll have a go at the whole thing once I'm in better physical shape but even that has me feeling like a hypocrite. At least I can brace myself for failure in the meantime. I don't get cold feet talking to people in person but rejection would probably hit me hard.

Sorry to add to the downer atmosphere in the thread. Maybe I'll have a success story in a few years' time but from where I stand... it's looking doubtful.


----------



## flarf




----------



## rymo

SadSack1987 said:


> I'm not even sure I'm cut out for this at all. Every physical and mental flaw notwithstanding, I don't seem to have the 'right' mindset for 'getting' a girl. Apparently physical attraction is a must, even though I personally don't give a crap about appearances. Confidence is considered important even though I find bashfulness much more attractive. Flirting is a mystery to me, I prefer straight and earnest talk about emotions. I don't know, but just from reading forums and websites, dating is simply caked in superficial douchebaggery over substance. I'm not whining... yet. Or maybe I'm whining pre-emptively. I'll have a go at the whole thing once I'm in better physical shape but even that has me feeling like a hypocrite. At least I can brace myself for failure in the meantime. I don't get cold feet talking to people in person but rejection would probably hit me hard.
> 
> Sorry to add to the downer atmosphere in the thread. Maybe I'll have a success story in a few years' time but from where I stand... it's looking doubtful.


The thing is...most people don't want to meet someone who is going to want to have a serious emotional discussion right off the bat. It's awesome that you can do that, and because of that you would make a great communicator and thus very likely a great boyfriend. But in the earlier stages, it's not about being a douchebag so much as...just having fun. If you can be a more light-hearted guy who knows how to have fun and joke around without feeling ashamed of himself, then that's the key. I don't think it's a hypocrtiical goal to strive to be socially well-rounded, even if you don't really feel that way at your current stage in life.


----------



## laagamer

Just got the first gf of my life. Actually worked up the courage to ask her out. I was so proud of myself. 

Went out on 4 dates. She told me she really liked me.

Her phone got turned off for a month. I called her recently after she got it back to ask her out.

Now she's just "busy" all the time and doesn't respond to my texts anymore.

I'm not surprised.


----------



## laagamer

SadSack1987 said:


> I don't get cold feet talking to people in person but rejection would probably hit me hard.


It sucks. Most of the time I feel like a baseball player swinging and missing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

laagamer said:


> Just got the first gf of my life. Actually worked up the courage to ask her out. I was so proud of myself.
> 
> Went out on 4 dates. She told me she really liked me.
> 
> Her phone got turned off for a month. I called her recently after she got it back to ask her out.
> 
> Now she's just "busy" all the time and doesn't respond to my texts anymore.
> 
> I'm not surprised.


Is there a reason she's always busy or is it busy as in a lie so she won't make time for you? If so time to move on to another girl. Good job asking her out and apparently having 4 good dates


----------



## monotonous

im doing what i can to eliminate my chance of getting a gf


----------



## laagamer

Jesuszilla said:


> If so time to move on to another girl.


I'm sure that won't take another 22 years...


----------



## Jesuszilla

laagamer said:


> I'm sure that won't take another 22 years...


I'm sure it won't either. And that's not me being sarcastic


----------



## drganon

As of right now, nothing. I work overnight with all male co-workers, and go to college online, so that eliminates any decent chance I have of meeting someone. The fact that I still live at home and can't drive further decreases my chances. I've thought about online dating, but I'm not all that comfortable putting my self out there. I guess I'm afraid someone from high school or something will come across my profile If I made one and make fun of me or something. That and I probably wouldn't get many takers anyway. Being made fun of and or being rejected is something that I fear greatly, and would almost rather not try at all then risk the chances of that happening.


----------



## rymo

drganon said:


> As of right now, nothing. I work overnight with all male co-workers, and go to college online, so that eliminates any decent chance I have of meeting someone. The fact that I still live at home and can't drive further decreases my chances. I've thought about online dating, but I'm not all that comfortable putting my self out there. I guess I'm afraid someone from high school or something will come across my profile If I made one and make fun of me or something. That and I probably wouldn't get many takers anyway. Being made fun of and or being rejected is something that I fear greatly, and would almost rather not try at all then risk the chances of that happening.


What happens if someone you don't even talk to makes fun of you? Especially for doing something (online dating) that like....everyone does nowadays? Nada. You're still in the same exact position you were in before. Trying to date, however, already distinguishes yourself from what you were doing previously. I think if you can take pride in the small steps then you can make some great progress. Same applies for work, or any other part of life, really.


----------



## drganon

rymo said:


> What happens if someone you don't even talk to makes fun of you? Especially for doing something (online dating) that like....everyone does nowadays? Nada. You're still in the same exact position you were in before. Trying to date, however, already distinguishes yourself from what you were doing previously. I think if you can take pride in the small steps then you can make some great progress. Same applies for work, or any other part of life, really.


Yeah, I know, but I just can't get over that fear I guess.


----------



## villadb

Well today I had to serve that girl who I messaged on Plenty of Fish, God I felt awkward. I basically just smiled pretending nothing happened and hoped I didn't go bright red as a beetroot.


----------



## Zeeshan

drganon said:


> Yeah, I know, but I just can't get over that fear I guess.


Well it will be easier if you don't think about getting over that whole wall if fear

Maybe just break some holes in it.

Even learning to live with fear will make a major difference. Ive used phenibut for help and you can too


----------



## russellp21

villadb said:


> Well today I had to serve that girl who I messaged on Plenty of Fish, God I felt awkward. I basically just smiled pretending nothing happened and hoped I didn't go bright red as a beetroot.


Lol. That sounds so awkward


----------



## Darktower776

So what about you, Rymo? How goes your efforts on the front lines?

I feel that you give good advice and I like the overall purpose of this thread.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

rymo said:


> The thing is...most people don't want to meet someone who is going to want to have a serious emotional discussion right off the bat. It's awesome that you can do that, and because of that you would make a great communicator and thus very likely a great boyfriend. But in the earlier stages, it's not about being a douchebag so much as...just having fun. If you can be a more light-hearted guy who knows how to have fun and joke around without feeling ashamed of himself, then that's the key. I don't think it's a hypocrtiical goal to strive to be socially well-rounded, even if you don't really feel that way at your current stage in life.


Socially well-rounded, hm? I'll keep that idea in mind. Maybe experience and a feeling of security will smooth out that bladed edge I have in my interactions right now.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Actually I'm not even that certain she is in a relationship. But we live in different cities. And I'm not sure if she still likes me that way. I fear I'm in the dreaded friend zone since I already blew one chance. I might not get another. And I loathe to ask such personal questions over whatsapp or something. So basically I'm just texting.


----------



## Zeeshan

For those of you struggling with that last level of anxiety on dates I will once again mention phenibut which is a supplement I often take and for me it has worked out well in eliminating relationship anxiety. Mind you I never take it more then twice a week. If you just need to ask out a girl or break the ice. Far superior to liquid courage


----------



## laagamer

laagamer said:


> Just got the first gf of my life. Actually worked up the courage to ask her out. I was so proud of myself.
> 
> Went out on 4 dates. She told me she really liked me.
> 
> Her phone got turned off for a month. I called her recently after she got it back to ask her out.
> 
> Now she's just "busy" all the time and doesn't respond to my texts anymore.
> 
> I'm not surprised.


Well she asked me out again this morning randomly.

Then called later today and cancelled.

The hell :get


----------



## drganon

laagamer said:


> Well she asked me out again this morning randomly.
> 
> Then called later today and cancelled.
> 
> The hell :get


If I were you, I'd just give up with this girl. She doesn't seem worth the aggravation.


----------



## Darktower776

Damn, apparently I missed my chance. I thought I would have another few days but I think her last day was earlier than literally the last of the month.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I made a new OkCupid profile that's silly but intriguing I hope, we'll see if anything comes of it


----------



## ScorchedEarth

I made a OKC account, realized how bad my profile would look if honestly filled out, and chickened out before filling out the questions. Doesn't stop OKC from spamming my inbox with 'matches' every day. Report Spam feature on gmail doesn't help. Great... Well, I know it would not hurt to make a profile just in case someone is looking for a jobless, live-at-home, short, dumb and scary-looking guy, but I hate the thought of having my profile shared and made fun of. I've had enough of that **** irl.


----------



## rymo

SadSack1987 said:


> I made a OKC account, realized how bad my profile would look if honestly filled out, and chickened out before filling out the questions. Doesn't stop OKC from spamming my inbox with 'matches' every day. Report Spam feature on gmail doesn't help. Great... Well, I know it would not hurt to make a profile just in case someone is looking for a jobless, live-at-home, short, dumb and scary-looking guy, but I hate the thought of having my profile shared and made fun of. I've had enough of that **** irl.


You can change your OkCupid email settings.


----------



## jsmith92

laagamer said:


> I'm sure that won't take another 22 years...


You will never move on, trust me. I've been moving on for 1 year plus now and I still feel exactly the same way I did when I began to "move on"


----------



## ScorchedEarth

rymo said:


> You can change your OkCupid email settings.


Cheers, mate.


----------



## SilentLyric

does anyone understand what the quickmatch number means on okcupid?


----------



## rymo

SilentLuke said:


> does anyone understand what the quickmatch number means on okcupid?


How many girls liked you.


----------



## SilentLyric

rymo said:


> How many girls liked you.


oh. that's useful, I think. :|


----------



## Cenarius

SilentLuke said:


> oh. that's useful, I think. :|


If you and a girl both like each other, the site tells you both so you can start talking. If only one of you likes and the other doesn't, it tells them someone liked them, but not who.

It's worthless, I clicked 5 stars on every girl on there, got about 8 matches, and *none* of these girls who supposedly liked me ever responded to my message!


----------



## SilentLyric

Cenarius said:


> If you and a girl both like each other, the site tells you both so you can start talking. If only one of you likes and the other doesn't, it tells them someone liked them, but not who.
> 
> It's worthless, I clicked 5 stars on every girl on there, got about 8 matches, and *none* of these girls who supposedly liked me ever responded to my message!


I figured it was worthless. thanks.


----------



## Sourdog

I might be going on a date with this girl I met on POF. Advice please!!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I guess I find it easier to masturbate to porn, and to have cats and dogs.


----------



## sazombie

Can;t leave the house for the rest of the month due to surgery. Found a way to use Tinder with the local population of anywhere I choose in the world. A lot more chances for matches to practice flirting with at least using text.


----------



## Cenarius

^ is tinder good for that? I used to use my okcupid profile mostly for flirting with girls (since few would agree to dates) but the girls on there were kinda prudish IMO.


----------



## sazombie

I never got any replies on OKcupid. Got a few on POF. But honestly its way better to chat live to someone on Tinder, its alot more like texting/Iming which I'm used to.

I have a hard time being flirty instead of just friendly, which is why I need to practice.
Besides tinder is very popular and you don't need to give out alot of info upfront.

ALso, the only online date I ever went on was 4 years ago off craigslist and msning her. It was sooo friggin easy then I thought online dating was simple until I started this year again, holy ****.


----------



## AussiePea

I've found the okc route of being able to chat for awhile on text first a lot better for anxiety. Getting somewhat of an idea if I share similar interests and values before meeting has been a lot less stressful. 

Anyway I feel like I've met someone pretty damn special recently and we get along like a house on fire. We've covered all those awkward topics and come out the other side seeing eye to eye and I think that's a pretty major positive. She's actually the first person I've dated away from this site too, heh. Anyway, couldn't be happier and for those who feel it's a never ending struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel, I'm 27 and it has taken a lot of feeling bummed out and hopeless to get here, but perseverance pays off, so just try to stay positive and most importantly LEARN from your previous experiences, big or small, because they add up quickly and make it a lot easier to know when you've found someone who will be a good match for you.


----------



## Jesuszilla

AussiePea said:


> I've found the okc route of being able to chat for awhile on text first a lot better for anxiety. Getting somewhat of an idea if I share similar interests and values before meeting has been a lot less stressful.
> 
> Anyway I feel like I've met someone pretty damn special recently and we get along like a house on fire. We've covered all those awkward topics and come out the other side seeing eye to eye and I think that's a pretty major positive. She's actually the first person I've dated away from this site too, heh. Anyway, couldn't be happier and for those who feel it's a never ending struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel, I'm 27 and it has taken a lot of feeling bummed out and hopeless to get here, but perseverance pays off, so just try to stay positive and most importantly LEARN from your previous experiences, big or small, because they add up quickly and make it a lot easier to know when you've found someone who will be a good match for you.


Holy cow that's awesome to hear. I better hear about you two having some awesome adventures soon.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Living i guess.


----------



## Nada

I absolutely hate dating


----------



## Sourdog

Well it looks like its not happening now. Oh well just have to move on and try to find someone else. Its so hard though.


----------



## tonyhd71

I recently joined a meetup.com group for people with SA to meet up with other people like me and make new friends, hopefully even a girlfriend. Even if it doesn't get me a girlfriend, making new friends will be good for my self esteem which in turn will help getting a girlfriend. I also started going to the gym. I've actually messaged 4 girls from meet up.com but none of them have answered... At least I tried


----------



## rymo

tonyhd71 said:


> I recently joined a meetup.com group for people with SA to meet up with other people like me and make new friends, hopefully even a girlfriend. Even if it doesn't get me a girlfriend, making new friends will be good for my self esteem which in turn will help getting a girlfriend. I also started going to the gym. I've actually messaged 4 girls from meet up.com but none of them have answered... At least I tried


Nice, Tony. Great job. I have been meaning to join a meetup group for a while now and I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. Thanks for the inspiration.


----------



## laagamer

Today can be summed up with:


----------



## sazombie

Ugly bald sa guy has no chance lol 
do you know how many guys hit on girls all the time?

I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it so many times with my one friend.
It's like trying to join the NBA for some of us. Similar height requirement too


----------



## scooby

I'm doing nothing. I'm not really looking to be in a relationship at the moment, I've got other priorities to get in order first before I bother with actively putting myself out there. That's not to say that if the opportunity comes by and someone I end up liking just falls into my lap, that I'd turn them down. But yeah, not actively looking.


----------



## Cenarius

I'm going to reactivate my dating profile, also I'm going to start asking out every girl I see while I'm on my lunch breaks (and also maybe that will make the dunkin donuts girl jealous)


----------



## Zeeshan

laagamer said:


> Today can be summed up with:


BC lack of interest


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I've got a couple conversations going on OKCupid. I don't have any expectations, just running with them right now


----------



## villadb

Canadian Brotha said:


> I've got a couple conversations going on OKCupid. I don't have any expectations, just running with them right now


Good luck, I've only managed to get one conversation that lasted an evening. I got messaged by a girl the other day out of the blue and messaged back, but haven't had anything in reply. Bit weird she would message me and then not reply to mine. Maybe she's just not been online.


----------



## drganon

Well, I created a profile on okcupid and pof. My expectations are fairly low.


----------



## chefdave

I'm not doing anything. Each and every day I prefer the convenience of being single to the hassle of 'being with someone'. 

But these days culminate into months and eventually years and while your friends are going through multiple partners and finally beginning to settle down you realise that you've never been in a proper relationship.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

villadb said:


> Good luck, I've only managed to get one conversation that lasted an evening. I got messaged by a girl the other day out of the blue and messaged back, but haven't had anything in reply. Bit weird she would message me and then not reply to mine. Maybe she's just not been online.


Thanks. It's pure chance whether a conversation runs a while on those sites as you know the gals are having multiple conversations simultaneously & may lose interest in favour of whoever is most charismatic.

You're right though some gals only log in once in a blue moon too


----------



## IcedOver

When it comes to the kind of thing I'm looking for, this is frustration:

I post a CL ad and it sits. I get the usual string of spam and disrespectful gays, then someone who appears to be a real woman replies. She uses the subject line I mentioned in the message to weed out spam, so I know she read my whole message. Her message: "Hello. I read your ad. I'd like to know more." She has her name on the e-mail, so I find her on Facebook and she's pretty attractive. I get excited and reply back (via CL), ask her what she'd like to know, and that I hope to talk to her. She . . . does not reply (it's been over a day). I know some people don't e-mail much, but it's just frustrating that someone is interested, and then they don't reply.


----------



## SilentLyric

I don't understand how can you can send a message that actually is about a girl's hobbies (like what people sugget), and they still don't respond back. It happens way more than it should. What do girls want then if not interest in what they do? Isn't that what they want?


----------



## Jesuszilla

SilentLuke said:


> I don't understand how can you can send a message that actually is about a girl's hobbies (like what people sugget), and they still don't respond back. It happens way more than it should. *What do girls want then if not interest in what they do? Isn't that what they want?*


Yes it's what they want after they find you attractive. You really shouldn't stress it too much and just keep messaging women on dating sites you think you'd like.


----------



## Cenarius

SilentLuke said:


> I don't understand how can you can send a message that actually is about a girl's hobbies (like what people sugget), and they still don't respond back. It happens way more than it should. What do girls want then if not interest in what they do? Isn't that what they want?


You're not the only one showing that interest though.


----------



## SilentLyric

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes it's what they want after they find you attractive. You really shouldn't stress it too much and just keep messaging women on dating sites you think you'd like.


does this mean they don't find me physically attractive? Do I need to change my photos? Otherwise I don't understand how they know how attractive I am without knowing me.


Cenarius said:


> You're not the only one showing that interest though.


But I know most messages girls get are a mixed bag. I have to at least stand out from the guys that just message with a "hey, what's up?" or the guy that just message something about sex. I'm actually taking interest in who the girl is as a person and apparently that still isn't enough.


----------



## Cenarius

When a girl demands that you eat something, like if she shares her popcorn and you say no and she's like, come on have some, really, take it, does that mean she likes you?


----------



## villadb

Cenarius said:


> When a girl demands that you eat something, like if she shares her popcorn and you say no and she's like, come on have some, really, take it, does that mean she likes you?


It's a bit tough to say without a bit more context. My crush bought me a hash brown once at lunch time out of the blue and we didn't hook up afterwards. God I miss her since she left work.


----------



## villadb

SilentLuke said:


> does this mean they don't find me physically attractive? Do I need to change my photos? Otherwise I don't understand how they know how attractive I am without knowing me.
> 
> But I know most messages girls get are a mixed bag. I have to at least stand out from the guys that just message with a "hey, what's up?" or the guy that just message something about sex. I'm actually taking interest in who the girl is as a person and apparently that still isn't enough.


The only time I have struck up conversation was through talking about what I have in common with them, so I would stick with it if I were you. Obviously if you look like a God then you could get away with just saying hi. It probably helps if you message them when they are online so they get it straight away.


----------



## SilentLyric

villadb said:


> The only time I have struck up conversation was through talking about what I have in common with them, so I would stick with it if I were you. Obviously if you look like a God then you could get away with just saying hi. It probably helps if you message them when they are online so they get it straight away.


I'll stick with it then, I guess. I only message girls when they are online, too. Still hardly get a reply...


----------



## Cenarius

SilentLuke said:


> I'll stick with it then, I guess. I only message girls when they are online, too. Still hardly get a reply...


Post one of the messages you've sent in here.


----------



## SilentLyric

Cenarius said:


> Post one of the messages you've sent in here.


"is netflix worth it nowadays? how's the selection? last time I was kind of disappointed, but who knows."

(I noticed she had listed netflix in her profile)


----------



## Cenarius

SilentLuke said:


> "is netflix worth it nowadays? how's the selection? last time I was kind of disappointed, but who knows."
> 
> (I noticed she had listed netflix in her profile)


That's not the full message right? That is way too short, tell her nothing about you, what you want, why you're interested in her, etc. That should at most be a "by the way..." as part of a much longer message.


----------



## SilentLyric

and this girl deleted her profile after I sent her a message, ROFL. I wonder how this was misconstrued as creepy.

(I noticed she said she was allergic to cats in her profile and so was I, so I thought we could joke about that together),

"being allergic to cats is a curse I so wish I could be a cat person. It seems like that's the norm, too. like im surrounded by cat people. 

notice the playful


----------



## SilentLyric

Cenarius said:


> That's not the full message right? That is way too short, tell her nothing about you, what you want, why you're interested in her, etc. That should at most be a "by the way..." as part of a much longer message.


too short? I don't want to write a novel. I was just trying to start conversation based on what was listed in her profile. I think you are way off base with your advice when you say it says nothing about me or what I want. I obviously want a relationship. I'm not trying to tell my life story. I'm just trying to start conversation which should indicate interest in itself. Otherwise I wouldn't bother messaging her.

No offense, but I don't think you know what you're talking about at all. Thanks anyways.


----------



## Zeeshan

Cenarius said:


> That's not the full message right? That is way too short, tell her nothing about you, what you want, why you're interested in her, etc. That should at most be a "by the way..." as part of a much longer message.


I've never sent more than one sentence. Messages don't matter. Your pics and how you look in them do


----------



## Cenarius

Zeeshan said:


> I've never sent more than one sentence. Messages don't matter. Your pics and how you look in them do


I have never had a short message work. Every response I got was off a two paragraph message, first paragraph telling her about me and second paragraph telling her why her.


----------



## SilentLyric

Zeeshan said:


> I've never sent more than one sentence. Messages don't matter. Your pics and how you look in them do


I say messages do matter, but there's no need to write excessively. Just enough to indicate you read her profile.


----------



## Sourdog

Cenarius said:


> I have never had a short message work. Every response I got was off a two paragraph message, first paragraph telling her about me and second paragraph telling her why her.


Do you tell the *****es that you're a demi god?


----------



## Cenarius

Sourdog said:


> Do you tell the *****es that you're a demi god?


Don't laugh, I did use a video game inspired name and got some good replies from geeky girls by sending a message in character. Too bad I lost their interest later when talking as the real, boring me.


----------



## Sourdog

Cenarius said:


> Don't laugh, I did use a video game inspired name and got some good replies from geeky girls by sending a message in character. Too bad I lost their interest later when talking as the real, boring me.


Might have to try that tactic.


----------



## Jesuszilla

SilentLuke said:


> does this mean they don't find me physically attractive? Do I need to change my photos? Otherwise I don't understand how they know how attractive I am without knowing me.


Possibly. It's fine to occasionally update your profile if you feel like a new picture will help you. It's always difficult to tell with online dating because there's no feedback.

The reality about it is that for most people online looks come first. Now for some they're look at only the top of the top, but I'm pretty sure most people online are looking for people they're attracted too and if you don't match up looks wise nothing you can do will change that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Cenarius said:


> Don't laugh, I did use a video game inspired name and got some good replies from geeky girls by sending a message in character. Too bad I lost their interest later when talking as the real, boring me.


That's actually pretty clever. Something I would have done lol


----------



## Peter Attis

Nothing.

Because women aren't objects that you "get."


----------



## jsmith92

Peter Attis said:


> Nothing.
> 
> Because women aren't objects that you "get."


You are wrong. I actually ordered one off Amazon for $29.99. There's a pretty good sale going on. Anyone who's interested should get in on it.


----------



## AussiePea

Peter Attis said:


> Nothing.
> 
> Because women aren't objects that you "get."


Really? Of all the white knighting I have seen in my time...


----------



## Zeeshan

Nah. Messages don't matter. Just your pics


----------



## Zeeshan

Peter Attis said:


> Nothing.
> 
> Because women aren't objects that you "get."


Stop white knighting. Women of SAS don't visit this thread


----------



## sad vlad

I was thinking I should read ''Fifty shades of grey''. It should pay off, right? Right??


----------



## Zeeshan

sad vlad said:


> I was thinking I should read ''Fifty shades of grey''. It should pay off, right? Right??


I think you should

Women like that book


----------



## IcedOver

Damn it's agonizing waiting for a reply that probably will never come. I'm sick of refreshing my e-mail and finding nothing new. I've mentioned before how I'm primarily looking for a fetish meetup, and yet another woman replied to a CL ad I made (I had a huge disappointment last year from someone else with whom I actually got to the meeting stage). Her message was brief, just saying that she'd like to know more. I asked her what she wants to know, and she hasn't replied in over two days. Today I sent her a message telling her some things about myself, so maybe that's what she was looking for. 

What's driving me nuts is that her full name was in the "from" of the e-mail, and I looked up her Facebook (the only one with that name in town), and she's pretty attractive (not actress good looking, but quite cute). The idea that she could be into the same thing as myself is putting my imagination into overdrive. I'm getting anxious that this could be another blown thing on my part, or she's just a flake who wasn't serious. 

The irony is that I also have something going on with another woman regarding something else, and she actually wants to meet. She's not into it on a fetish level, but knows that I am, even if she doesn't seem to understand what I'm talking about when I mention it to her. We'd have to meet at a hotel, and she's a little ways away, so it's going to be hard to meet.


----------



## zoslow

I'm planning to start flirting with my neighbour, she's new here and I bumped into her a couple of times already. Managed to be a gentleman one of the times too! She's attractive and pretty sweet but I can see she is a bit insecure/anxious too so that's absolutely perfect.

I can still read people very well and know what to say.. I'm just rusty actually interacting and the anxiety somewhat impairs me when it's showtime but will be interesting to see what happens.


----------



## McFly

sad vlad said:


> I was thinking I should read ''Fifty shades of grey''. It should pay off, right? Right??


The excerpts I've seen from that book make me believe reading it would take off 20 or so IQ points.


----------



## AussiePea

George McFly said:


> The excerpts I've seen from that book make me believe reading it would take off 20 or so IQ points.


It'll win you a lot of points during a cyber/sext session though!


----------



## McFly

AussiePea said:


> It'll win you a lot of points during a cyber/sext session though!


True but it might be better to stick with the cliff notes version, just to be safe.


----------



## jsmith92

George McFly said:


> True but it might be better to stick with the cliff notes version, just to be safe.


Think McFly think. Tell em not to waste their time on that stupid book.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I've just started texting with a gal from OkCupid


----------



## jsmith92

Holy crap this is 100% correct http://www.net-burst.net/help/self-hate.htm even down to the part where it talks about how people become addicted to the self hate. I have gotten to the point where part of me enjoys the negativity for some reason.


----------



## Cyclonic

Still going out to bars/clubs alone. Don't really talk or approach anyone, but I like the atmosphere and the music occasionally. I'm in no hurry to get into a relationship but I like just being "out there".

Another avenue that I recently discovered and could open up options, daughters of my mother's friends. I'll have to decide if I want to pursue this option, but I can already see quite a few benefits.


----------



## Cenarius

Madax said:


> Still going out to bars/clubs alone. Don't really talk or approach anyone, but I like the atmosphere and the music occasionally. I'm in no hurry to get into a relationship but I like just being "out there".
> 
> Another avenue that I recently discovered and could open up options, daughters of my mother's friends. I'll have to decide if I want to pursue this option, but I can already see quite a few benefits.


I think trying to find someone would be so much more fun and manageable if I could enjoy being out. I really wish I could treat going out to a bar or club as a fun night like other people do, rather than as work, basically. It's like spending all day working at my job to get money, and going to a bar is my night job to get a lover.


----------



## Cyclonic

Cenarius said:


> I think trying to find someone would be so much more fun and manageable if I could enjoy being out. I really wish I could treat going out to a bar or club as a fun night like other people do, rather than as work, basically. It's like spending all day working at my job to get money, and going to a bar is my night job to get a lover.


I hear you. I used to treat going out the same way, on rare nights I probably still do. Most nights I just tend to be relaxed though, even more so lately. I don't know if I became numb to the whole idea or what, but I just decided to ditch the whole job-feel of it.

I realized it was important to go out and have fun for myself. I figure if I look like I'm having fun and I'm engaged in the activities, then people will want to join in. Whether they do or don't, I'll still be having fun.


----------



## Darktower776

Madax said:


> Still going out to bars/clubs alone. Don't really talk or approach anyone, but I like the atmosphere and the music occasionally. I'm in no hurry to get into a relationship but I like just being "out there".
> 
> Another avenue that I recently discovered and could open up options, daughters of my mother's friends. I'll have to decide if I want to pursue this option, but I can already see quite a few benefits.


Going to clubs and bars- especially by myself- would cause my anxiety to go through the roof. Glad you are able to do that though.

Congrats on the Mod status, btw.


----------



## ravens

Darktower776 said:


> Going to clubs and bars- especially by myself- would cause my anxiety to go through the roof. Glad you are able to do that though.
> 
> Congrats on the Mod status, btw.


Yeah my anxiety would be terrible going to bars or clubs. I've never been to one in my life.


----------



## Cyclonic

Darktower776 said:


> Going to clubs and bars- especially by myself- would cause my anxiety to go through the roof. Glad you are able to do that though.
> 
> Congrats on the Mod status, btw.


Thanks!

It was a little nerve-wracking when I first started doing it. My friends don't really like clubs/bars, I used to only go if they went, but I wanted to go so much that it got to a point where I said "screw it, I'm going alone".

By now it's quite easy to go alone, but I've come to realize that my anxiety doesn't involve physically being in places. It has more to do with talking to and interacting with strangers. I still feel uneasy when people glance at me and it's hard for me to start conversations with strangers.

I'm sometimes amazed that I can deal with packed clubs...just as long as everyone leaves me alone. :lol

My biggest problem right now is smoking :cig. I've probably had at least twice as many social interactions outside a club/bar smoking than I've ever had inside. Over the past year and a half I've been an off and on light smoker and I definitely notice that my socializing goes down when I'm in a quitting period.


----------



## Rixy

I've been feeling really down on my appearance which hinders my progress in talking to girls. Anybody have any advice?


----------



## Darktower776

Rixy said:


> I've been feeling really down on my appearance which hinders my progress in talking to girls. Anybody have any advice?


What in particular about your appearance is hindering you? Is it something you can work on?


----------



## SpiderInTheCorner

idk why is it so important  why cant we have sex with ourselves


----------



## rymo

Madax said:


> Thanks!
> 
> It was a little nerve-wracking when I first started doing it. My friends don't really like clubs/bars, I used to only go if they went, but I wanted to go so much that it got to a point where I said "screw it, I'm going alone".
> 
> By now it's quite easy to go alone, but I've come to realize that my anxiety doesn't involve physically being in places. It has more to do with talking to and interacting with strangers. I still feel uneasy when people glance at me and it's hard for me to start conversations with strangers.
> 
> I'm sometimes amazed that I can deal with packed clubs...just as long as everyone leaves me alone. :lol
> 
> My biggest problem right now is smoking :cig. I've probably had at least twice as many social interactions outside a club/bar smoking than I've ever had inside. Over the past year and a half I've been an off and on light smoker and I definitely notice that my socializing goes down when I'm in a quitting period.


Great work getting used to going out to social places. But it sounds like it's about time to take it to the next level :clap Not being anxious while out alone is absolutely huge...you've got such a good spring board to launch off of into approaching people. You know that even if the interaction fails in some way (though I would say the very act of approaching someone you're attracted to is already a win), you can simply fall back to whatever fun you were having before. Literally nothing to lose. Give it a shot!


----------



## Darktower776

Just want to reiterate to you fellas that if you get the chance to ask out a girl you like then GO FOR IT. I chickened out twice, determined to make sure I did it the next time I saw her, but I never got another chance. If you get the opportunity then don't waste it because you might never get another chance.


----------



## McFly

Madax said:


> By now it's quite easy to go alone, but I've come to realize that my anxiety doesn't involve physically being in places. It has more to do with talking to and interacting with strangers. I still feel uneasy when people glance at me and it's hard for me to start conversations with strangers.


Do you sit and watch the tv or watch other people while your there? I've never been to a bar or club, I thought they were for the sole purpose of socializing. I've always imagined people would be watching me as the weird loner.


----------



## Perkins

Give her tickets to the gun show and dazzle her with my collection.


----------



## Rixy

Darktower776 said:


> What in particular about your appearance is hindering you? Is it something you can work on?


I think it's because, as a kid and teen, I was bullied quite badly for my appearance. I was dirty, unshaven, wore old clothes, was overweight etc. etc. I've taken a lot of steps in improving my appearance (Dressing better, staying clean and shaven and according to lots of people I've lost weight) but sometimes I still feel like how I was a few years ago. I guess when you've been called ugly for so many years (especially by girls) it'll take a while to not see yourself like that, y'know?

I've been exercising a little, hopefully that will help.


----------



## Cyclonic

George McFly said:


> Do you sit and watch the tv or watch other people while your there? I've never been to a bar or club, I thought they were for the sole purpose of socializing. I've always imagined people would be watching me as the weird loner.


The bars I go to are closer to the sports bar style, so there's plenty of TVs and plenty to watch. Usually other solo people are at the bar so me sitting there watching the TV isn't out of place. These places also have nightly karaoke so I can watch that as well.

Clubs are a little different for me, I usually tuck myself in a corner and either browse the internet on my phone or people watch.

Usually people are too busy having fun to care about some loner so it's likely that I'm not even noticed most times.


----------



## SilentLyric

I put up some fun photos of myself on my dating profile so that I'm not only displaying a dull self-taken picture that reeks of having no life. Two of them were when I was visiting Chicago and another other one was taken in a park.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I now have the numbers of both the gals I was chatting with on OkCupid for texting. Not sure if either will go anywhere but this is about as much of a chance as one gets


----------



## Darktower776

SilentLuke said:


> I put up some fun photos of myself on my dating profile so that I'm not only displaying a dull self-taken picture that reeks of having no life. Two of them were when I was visiting Chicago and another other one was taken in a park.


That sounds like it would make a profile look more interesting. To have more than self taken pics one would have to actually go out and do stuff like that.



Canadian Brotha said:


> I now have the numbers of both the gals I was chatting with on OkCupid for texting. Not sure if either will go anywhere but this is about as much of a chance as one gets


That's good to hear. Good luck and hope it goes well.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Darktower776 said:


> That's good to hear. Good luck and hope it goes well.


Thanks bro, we'll see how it goes


----------



## jet24

I'm in a situation right now that has me all sorts of messed up. There is this girl who works at the place I usually go for a lunch. I've been seeing here there for a year. They are super busy, ton of employees, totally chaotic, so there is really no time to interact yet alone have a conversation. Except when they hand you your sandwich or something like that. Lately I've really become more and more enamored by her presence and I feel like there is some sort of energy between us based on some random exchanges of eye contact or so over the past year (lol). 

It's one of those things where in your mind, she is the girl of your dreams. But you don't know her at all. So I go in there daily, hoping to interact somehow, but never with any luck. There's times when she has done something funny and i'll laugh and she'll see me. But there's times where she hands me my sandwich and i'll say thanks and i'm too rushed to even really smile or show that i'm not just another person making my way through the store. Sometimes in in there with a friend who is super energetic and is always sharing a laugh with the employees. But when I'm there by myself I just go about my business. I'll briefly talk with the cashier about how busy they usually are, but very short conversations.They are just so busy and constantly shuffling customers in and out. 

Since I over think every possible scenario, I feel that sometimes I come off like just another customer who isn't really aware of her. like she's just a lady making my lunch. And if she somehow is intrigued by me, she'll think I don't notice her. But in reality, the situation has consumed my thoughts for weeks and totally sapped the enjoyment out of my day.

What my intuition tells me to do is just to approach her, and ask her to hangout sometime. No BS, just straight up with it. I wouldn't care what she did in response. Just getting that weight off my shoulders and knowing I actually did something would put my mind at rest. But I can't find an opportunity to converse with her because of the dynamic of the store, which is really why I'm frustrated. 

Part of me wants to get out of my comfort zone and just ask her out, but I can't find time to even talk to her. So everyday now I feel so restless because i'm totally infatuated with somebody who has no idea I feel this way about them. It's the ultimate battle within myself...in the past (like high school) I felt this way sometimes but never had the guts to even considering asking a girl out or even talking to her. LOL. But now, I feel like I would just lay it all out there if I had the chance.

Such a silly story, I know. But I just don't know what to do. I wish I could distract myself but I'm still sitting here at night thinking about this girl. Part of this stems from feeling pretty lonely lately, and wanting a girl to talk to, which definitely makes this whole situation harder to deal with. 

If i could like run into her somewhere around town I know I could talk to her. but i think i'll just let these thoughts consume me til I forget or move on to something else. 

****. lol.


----------



## scooby

I've said in this thread that I'm not actively looking to get into a relationship due to having other things I'm trying to focus on, and its true, I feel that getting into one isn't for me at the moment and to be quite honest, not for a long either. But I've been thinking about when or if I do reach that point, would I even do much at all? Just thinking ahead at this very moment of potentially seeking absolutely terrifies me. In the past, I've pretty much held a poker face about anything to do with relationships. I've just stayed away due to fear of putting myself out there. Whether it's been worrying about mutual feelings, the fear of putting myself out on the line, approaching people I'm attracted to, my insecurities about my appearance and personality (which I probably won't get over ever), or just plain never feeling good enough for anyone, there will always be something in the way. 

I worry that by the time I reach a point where I'm okay with trying, I'll feel so far behind playing catch up to people my age that I'll just think its not worth it. My youth will be gone, and thats the only thing I have going for me. I know people can get into relationships at older ages, but I just can't help feeling more and more hopeless about it as the days go by.

Late night/early morning depressive rambling.


----------



## huh

I would have went on a third date with some girl tonight, but I cancelled it. I wasn't really attracted to her and didn't feel like there was much that was going to change that unfortunately. I'm tired of being the one that needs to initiate every damn thing. So I'm taking a break for a while.


----------



## Zeeshan

extremly said:


> i kinda have been looking into weed/the good legal drugs (again) as a social lubricant/incentive. I tried weed a long time ago but it was a horrible first time experience. I never tried this method but idk i been thinking about this and maybe is time to give it another try.
> 
> If as a man you are selling a good time when you interact with girls, it might kinda help to literally have something to make the deal sweeter if you know what i mean lol. Just a thought, i would have to find a good dealer though.


phenibut


----------



## MrQuiet76

scooby said:


> I've said in this thread that I'm not actively looking to get into a relationship due to having other things I'm trying to focus on, and its true, I feel that getting into one isn't for me at the moment and to be quite honest, not for a long either. But I've been thinking about when or if I do reach that point, would I even do much at all? Just thinking ahead at this very moment of potentially seeking absolutely terrifies me. In the past, I've pretty much held a poker face about anything to do with relationships. I've just stayed away due to fear of putting myself out there. Whether it's been worrying about mutual feelings, the fear of putting myself out on the line, approaching people I'm attracted to, my insecurities about my appearance and personality (which I probably won't get over ever), or just plain never feeling good enough for anyone, there will always be something in the way.
> 
> I worry that by the time I reach a point where I'm okay with trying, I'll feel so far behind playing catch up to people my age that I'll just think its not worth it. My youth will be gone, and thats the only thing I have going for me. I know people can get into relationships at older ages, but I just can't help feeling more and more hopeless about it as the days go by.
> 
> Late night/early morning depressive rambling.


same here


----------



## zoslow

I think most people on here fails cause they aren't persuasive. Not persuasive as in stalkerish but persuasive as in not letting themselves get discouraged so easily. I have the same problem too when it's been women I've been interested in. It takes some effort to get people to think you are serious and interested in you. It also greatly increases your odds of finding someone at times. I mean it's like that old experiment when a guy goes asking 100 random ladies if they wanna go on a date with him. It is likely you will score at least one or a couple of dates and if you are the typical SAS male user who is a virgin and desperate for some action, that should definitely be a step in the right direction even if objectively speaking you were rejected by 98% or so.

With the exception of very attractive or rich men, the rest of us cannot hope to get approached often at all. We need to do the chasing if we want us a gal.


----------



## Zerix

Canadian Brotha said:


> I now have the numbers of both the gals I was chatting with on OkCupid for texting. Not sure if either will go anywhere but this is about as much of a chance as one gets


Heyyy good job  That's right give us some motivation! Keep it going man, you lose one you still got the other, try diff things on both or somethin. I haven't logged in there in quite some time, need pics updated hah, but in Cali I remember there were definitely a couple good ones, and once I had a girl wanting to come over to my place but since everyone was home I chickened out, ah the good ol' days :blank


----------



## Canadian Brotha

^^^I'm not trying to play them both or anything, ones seems like she'd be a good friend at the very least because she's a musician as well & gigs around town. The other would be best approached more directly I think but yeah, sometimes something can come of messaging there even if it's rare & only short lived


----------



## SilentLyric

22 likes on quickmatch. still can't get a message lol.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

SilentLuke said:


> 22 likes on quickmatch. still can't get a message lol.


I've gotten 8 so far this time around(more than my last spell & more visits in general) but only one message from one that liked me & that's one of the gals I'm currently texting. The slight but significant difference between my profile the first time & this has made a difference to views, likes, & messages without question


----------



## SilentLyric

Canadian Brotha said:


> I've gotten 8 so far this time around(more than my last spell & more visits in general) but only one message from one that liked me & that's one of the gals I'm currently texting. The slight but significant difference between my profile the first time & this has made a difference to views, likes, & messages without question


if you are willing to share, what was the "slight but significant difference"?


----------



## Canadian Brotha

SilentLuke said:


> if you are willing to share, what was the "slight but significant difference"?


Instead of putting details about myself in the "about me" section of the OkCupid profile I wrote a short story about how I feel about a random topic & then wrote at the end "_that's a story about how I feel about 'topic X'...ask to know more"_.

I was also less detailed in the "music, movies, food, books" section. I wrote _"jazz music rules, spicy food rules, foreign flicks rule, & sci-fi shows rule" _followed by _"I like other stuff too..."_.

For the "what you think about" & "Friday night plans" areas I was a bit random/amusing saying I think about mars & bake muffins on Fridays to comfort myself, lol

So yeah, those things just made my profile a bit more interesting to read if nothing else. It's somewhat random but offers enough for questions to be asked by anyone slightly intrigued.

On top of that I went through quickmatch & liked 10 random gals that seemed cool for various reasons & then left it for a week. When I returned I had some views, some likes, & a couple messages


----------



## MrQuiet76

i was just looking back at some of my old posts on this thread and realized that i've probably made negative progress at getting a girl over the last couple years. man, how did i become such a loser?


----------



## IcedOver

Well, it's looking about 51% that I may be headed towards not being a Super Virgin soon. I'll still be a virgin, but this will give me some experience. I had been talking to a girl about a month and a half ago, and it seemed we were going to meet, then she froze out my e-mails. She replied to me a couple days ago and seems interested once again, although that's what she said last time. Her explanation was that she wasn't sure she wanted to do these things with a complete stranger, and still isn't sure, but it seems she's mostly gotten over that hang-up. We're going to meet on a separate day to get comfortable with each other. 

This may be just a one-time encounter, but the way we've been talking, it will be quite sexual, although no actual intercourse. I've never done anything with a woman, and the prospect of doing this is what I want, but still daunting. My sex drive isn't the highest anyway, so I'm afraid that my nerves will get the better of me. If this girl's photos are true (and that's still iffy for me, but she swears it's her), she's quite pretty facially, but a 10 in terms of her body. That's a bit intimidating, as I'm most likely not in her league.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

My idea of what has to be done to be acceptable for any kind of relationship appears to me to be the equivalent of the westernization of Japan - going from samurai to submarines in 50 measly years. It's not even a particularly good plan - basically I'm shedding the fat and aiming to become a nicer guy. Yes _aiming_ to become a _nice guy_. But what else can I do to be a better partner? Not much given my limitations that I can't change. I can't change my height, or my ugly face, or my lack of smarts. I'm afraid I'm so repulsive, even my soulmate would turn me down in disgust. This is a a big part of the reason why I haven't even considered dating up until recently. Just didn't see it as an option for me.

If there's one good thing out of all this, it's that it's driving me towards self-improvement, even if the motivation is pain and shame. As much as it hurts to acnowledge my inadequacy, at least it's getting me off my ***.


----------



## SilentLyric

Canadian Brotha said:


> Instead of putting details about myself in the "about me" section of the OkCupid profile I wrote a short story about how I feel about a random topic & then wrote at the end "_that's a story about how I feel about 'topic X'...ask to know more"_.
> 
> I was also less detailed in the "music, movies, food, books" section. I wrote _"jazz music rules, spicy food rules, foreign flicks rule, & sci-fi shows rule" _followed by _"I like other stuff too..."_.
> 
> For the "what you think about" & "Friday night plans" areas I was a bit random/amusing saying I think about mars & bake muffins on Fridays to comfort myself, lol
> 
> So yeah, those things just made my profile a bit more interesting to read if nothing else. It's somewhat random but offers enough for questions to be asked by anyone slightly intrigued.
> 
> On top of that I went through quickmatch & liked 10 random gals that seemed cool for various reasons & then left it for a week. When I returned I had some views, some likes, & a couple messages


ohhhh, very interesting. thank you. sometimes you don't need alot of words to say alot.


----------



## bsd3355

still doing the same old crap. i'm a lifer i think. i have a life sentence


----------



## jsmith92

There's this girl in my class who appears to be interested in me, problem is, I'm more attracted to a different girl in the class. The one that appears to be interested in me is not my type and she's not very well how do I say it, developed. The other one who I have a crush on in the class is much more attractive and I will not go for the first girl that likes me. I'm not desperate.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I am proud that Today i tried giving myself an excuse to go out in hopes to bump into her while she comes home from school and walk her. I missed her most probably because i was nervous and turned back home to calm down. But went out again. I also wasted time changing my jeans because i felt inadequately dressed. Today i will either try again bumping into her, or i'll just call. Thing is i dont understand were we are, or where i stand with her. We were vibing on text and calling, but havent setup a date yet. I keep bumping into her when i least expect her and never ceased the moments. Its been 2 weeks since we talked or even seen her.. i will either call or try my plan again of trying to bump into her. and i am going to be direct this timme, no more waiting for when the time is right


----------



## Darktower776

Nothing much. One of the drawbacks of going back to school later in life is that almost all the girls are too young for you to date.


----------



## rymo

Darktower776 said:


> Nothing much. One of the drawbacks of going back to school later in life is that almost all the girls are too young for you to date.


How old are you?


----------



## Darktower776

rymo said:


> How old are you?


I'm 31. By young I mean they're legal, but 18-20 is way too young.


----------



## Smithy123

I have a crush on my work colleague who is 10 years younger than me. My whole life is revolving around this crush and quite frankly it is doing my head in because there is 0% chance of her ever being interested in me.

I wish I had never met her.

In other news, I was brave enough to sign up to a couple of dating websites recently but I am not brave enough to do anything on them. Women keep viewing my profile but nothing else.

I am a nervous wreck around women, I am not sure why I am still trying as a 33 year old virgin.

It feels like just giving up and accepting I will be alone for my whole life is actually the easier option.


----------



## Handsome Beast

Had a meet up today with an okcupid match and it went well. I'm new to this so I can't tell if anything's there but it was nice just to do this. I'm 10 years older than you Smithy. Don't give up yet!


----------



## laagamer

So after 2 months of not seeing each other and 3 weeks of no contact, she messages me out of the blue and asks where I've been.

I thought you we're "too busy" for me 3 weeks ago.

Freaking women man...


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I am proud that Today i tried giving myself an excuse to go out in hopes to bump into her while she comes home from school and walk her. I missed her most probably because i was nervous and turned back home to calm down. But went out again. I also wasted time changing my jeans because i felt inadequately dressed. Today i will either try again bumping into her, or i'll just call. Thing is i dont understand were we are, or where i stand with her. We were vibing on text and calling, but havent setup a date yet. I keep bumping into her when i least expect her and never ceased the moments. Its been 2 weeks since we talked or even seen her.. i will either call or try my plan again of trying to bump into her. and i am going to be direct this timme, no more waiting for when the time is right


Call her dude. Ask her out on a DATE. Have confidence.

Just do it.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

A life of sex dolls and hookers is where I'm headed.


----------



## WeirdKid

Well, since last Monday I've been texting a girl. I think its been going well...at least thats what I think.


----------



## Cyclonic

Had the best bar experience yet. 

I decided to go to a 2nd bar on Saturday night since the 1st one was pretty empty. I sat down at the bar and the guy next to me immediately introduced himself and the three people on the other side of me, two girls and a guy (who he just met that night).

I ended up having a lot of fun with them doing karaoke and dancing, even got to sing a duet with one of the girls. I couldn't quite tell if she was into me or not, mainly because we spent half the night encouraging her to give her number to this big hunk who frequents that bar :lol. Unfortunately I didn't ask for her number, but I hope to see her again soon. She's from the area (her two friends were from out of town) so I'll keep an eye out in the future. 

In the past I would've been discouraged over this missed opportunity, now I just see it as a stepping stone...One step closer to a potential first date. I may not have asked her for her number, but it's a mistake that I'll definitely learn from. 

The whole night felt amazing besides that. I felt so happy and confident, more than ever before. When I was singing my best karaoke song I managed to get the whole place to applaud. I'm pretty sure I had a smile on my face the whole night .

I feel like I made a nice leap forward this past Saturday night. Dating is a slow process for me, but I'm OK with it. I no longer feel like a failure if I don't do everything at once.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Call her dude. Ask her out on a DATE. Have confidence.
> 
> Just do it.


i tried calling her and her phone went straight to voicemail for a whole week now, she hasn't replied to last text too. Her social networks also have no activity since, so i think either she switched phone off for exams for this month, or worse, she lost it or it got stolen. 
But i know i will meet her somehow, since i told her i wanted to get small gift for her (since i owed her a birthday present). So now i got the gift with me. My older sister says i should just knock at her home and give it to her there. ( which isnt a bad idea, but i would really like to tell her to meet with me somewhere else so i can give the gift to her then and possibly hangout for the rest of the time)


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

my sister helped me out today 

I saw the girl about a few metres away on my way back home, she stood out,, but i wasnt sure if it was really her. So i kind of forgot about it and went home. I nearly felt depressed after i got home, for not taking the chance to actually confirm if its her there. A few minutes later, i got a call from my sister and she hang up quickly. So called her back, and she tells me she is with the girl, and the girl quickly answers to say hi , so she sounded so happy . I told her to wait right where she is, and came outside and it was her there. We where both nervous, which is actually a good sign for me if she is also nervous, but t was really nice. I walked her home, saw some other guys trying to greet her which made me almost feel out of place till, i looked at this other guy really hard in his eyes and he continued walking and greeted me and her both. No headaches today :] no overthinking today ...i will try and escalate things though, i want her to know how i feel about her. I know she might have an idea, but i want to make this apparent to her!!


----------



## veron

jsmith92 said:


> There's this girl in my class who appears to be interested in me, problem is, I'm more attracted to a different girl in the class. The one that appears to be interested in me is not my type and she's not very well how do I say it, developed. The other one who I have a crush on in the class is much more attractive and I will not go for the first girl that likes me. I'm not desperate.


How can you tell she's interested?


----------



## knightofdespair

jsmith92 said:


> There's this girl in my class who appears to be interested in me, problem is, I'm more attracted to a different girl in the class. The one that appears to be interested in me is not my type and she's not very well how do I say it, developed. The other one who I have a crush on in the class is much more attractive and I will not go for the first girl that likes me. I'm not desperate.


The girl you like is thinking the same exact thing.


----------



## knightofdespair

Smithy123 said:


> I have a crush on my work colleague who is 10 years younger than me. My whole life is revolving around this crush and quite frankly it is doing my head in because there is 0% chance of her ever being interested in me.
> 
> I wish I had never met her.
> 
> In other news, I was brave enough to sign up to a couple of dating websites recently but I am not brave enough to do anything on them. Women keep viewing my profile but nothing else.
> 
> I am a nervous wreck around women, I am not sure why I am still trying as a 33 year old virgin.
> 
> It feels like just giving up and accepting I will be alone for my whole life is actually the easier option.


 Lol might be better... How about if she does like you and you find out her dad's only about 10 years older.


----------



## srschirm

Doing the online thing now....got out of a year-long relationship recently and easing my way back into things. It sucks but what can you do.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> my sister helped me out today
> 
> I saw the girl about a few metres away on my way back home, she stood out,, but i wasnt sure if it was really her. So i kind of forgot about it and went home. I nearly felt depressed after i got home, for not taking the chance to actually confirm if its her there. A few minutes later, i got a call from my sister and she hang up quickly. So called her back, and she tells me she is with the girl, and the girl quickly answers to say hi , so she sounded so happy . I told her to wait right where she is, and came outside and it was her there. We where both nervous, which is actually a good sign for me if she is also nervous, but t was really nice. I walked her home, saw some other guys trying to greet her which made me almost feel out of place till, i looked at this other guy really hard in his eyes and he continued walking and greeted me and her both. No headaches today :] no overthinking today ...i will try and escalate things though, i want her to know how i feel about her. I know she might have an idea, but i want to make this apparent to her!!


Walking her home and giving her a gift was a very nice gesture.

Did you ask her on a *date*?

Women can't read minds dude.

Even if you get rejected, wouldn't it feel good to know you had the guts to express to her your true feelings? You have to give yourself a shot at what you want.

Also, screw that other dude. If you ask her out first, then he'll continue to be the dude that only says hello to this girl and never dates her.


----------



## Rixy

Ack, there was this gorgeous girl at my old work place who I was always nervous to approach. Turns out after I left she was a friend of a friend, who told me she was always wanting me to talk to her. Sounded like she could be interested but she's not really been responding to my facebook messages (I've moved down south so there's no face to face contact possible). Seems like she might not be that interested after all. 

That said, I've started university now and I really hope this can open some doors for me in finding a girl. I'm so lonely right now, so I'm going to try and come out of my shell. Even though I hate the "WOOOOOO I LOVE ALCOHOL AND PARTYING" mentality of freshers.


----------



## blue2

I usually stare silently figit awkwardly wonder what I'm gonna say then never say anything ...but I'm giving up that way of life shortly for the quiet life...


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Walking her home and giving her a gift was a very nice gesture.
> 
> Did you ask her on a *date*?
> 
> Women can't read minds dude.
> 
> Even if you get rejected, wouldn't it feel good to know you had the guts to express to her your true feelings? You have to give yourself a shot at what you want.
> 
> Also, screw that other dude. If you ask her out first, then he'll continue to be the dude that only says hello to this girl and never dates her.


 haven't really asked her on a proper date, but I called her yesterday so that we could meet on tuesday or wednesday ( I made it clear to her why I said this, i do have reasons but there is no miscommunication) btw, I have to say I honestly think she likes me back. About the gift, I'll be giving it to her on tuesday or wednesday.

I actually called to say goodnight just an hour ago and we talked for like half an hour, and ended up texting goodnight messages back and forth till 23:00 . I started complimenting her, I tried to talk to her atleast once a day, even sending a small voice note to tell her how much I miss seeing her. I keep reminding myself to say what I feel at the moment, and to avoid "safe" lines. I want to gradually act like her boyfriend and make it official if it works. Things are going so nicely, mustn't screw this up. 
I will let you know how things are going


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> haven't really asked her on a proper date, but I called her yesterday so that we could meet on tuesday or wednesday ( I made it clear to her why I said this, i do have reasons but there is no miscommunication) btw, I have to say I honestly think she likes me back. About the gift, I'll be giving it to her on tuesday or wednesday.
> 
> I actually called to say goodnight just an hour ago and we talked for like half an hour, and ended up texting goodnight messages back and forth till 23:00 . I started complimenting her, I tried to talk to her atleast once a day, even sending a small voice note to tell her how much I miss seeing her. I keep reminding myself to say what I feel at the moment, and to avoid "safe" lines. I want to gradually act like her boyfriend and make it official if it works. Things are going so nicely, mustn't screw this up.
> I will let you know how things are going


Please do!

Good luck buddy!

Assuming you're not a serial killer or pedo (how old is this girl again? :b ), I'm sure you'll kill it.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Please do!
> 
> Good luck buddy!
> 
> Assuming you're not a serial killer or pedo (how old is this girl again? :b ), I'm sure you'll kill it.


hahahaha , she turned 21 in april, i turn 21 this month.


----------



## rymo

Awesome.


----------



## MrQuiet76

amazingly, i've found a way to sabotage myself again. i met a really attractive girl last week who had just started working where i work. we were talking a lot right off the bat and i even ran into her by chance a few times and we chatted. we were getting along really well. she even said that she was enjoying talking with me. as i was talking to her more, i started to get more and more anxious around her, as i always do. then today, i was talking with her and i got so anxious that i just couldn't even speak. our conversation was just a bunch of long, awkward silences. then she just left without saying anything. i must have looked like such a loser. and this time i managed to blow a possible opportunity in record time


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> amazingly, i've found a way to sabotage myself again. i met a really attractive girl last week who had just started working where i work. we were talking a lot right off the bat and i even ran into her by chance a few times and we chatted. we were getting along really well. she even said that she was enjoying talking with me. as i was talking to her more, i started to get more and more anxious around her, as i always do. then today, i was talking with her and i got so anxious that i just couldn't even speak. our conversation was just a bunch of long, awkward silences. then she just left without saying anything. i must have looked like such a loser. and this time i managed to blow a possible opportunity in record time


Yeh....you should have gone for the number ages before you had a chance to blow it. That being said, since you got along well with her and she even explicitly stated she really enjoys talking with you, I doubt one weird interaction would kill your chances if you simply came back strong with a little flirt and an invitation for drinks.


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> Yeh....you should have gone for the number ages before you had a chance to blow it. That being said, since you got along well with her and she even explicitly stated she really enjoys talking with you, I doubt one weird interaction would kill your chances if you simply came back strong with a little flirt and an invitation for drinks.


if only it were that easy for me. if i tried doing anything like that i would just make myself look like more of an idiot


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> if only it were that easy for me. if i tried doing anything like that i would just make myself look like more of an idiot


In what way? Like...which part of asking her out would make you stumble?


----------



## MrQuiet76

rymo said:


> In what way? Like...which part of asking her out would make you stumble?


I know it sounds pathetic, but I just get so unbelievably anxious when I'm around a girl I find attractive that I just don't function right. I just can't talk, and I constantly stumble over my words. I also just freeze up and stuff when they talk to me, and doing so makes it so obvious how anxious I am, which I can tell makes people feel weird. That's why it was so awkward today. I guess I feel even more hopeless when I think that even if I somehow got a chance to go out with her, I would be SO anxious on the date that I can't even imagine how bad I would blow it during the date. You'd think with all the experience I have being anxious around girls that I'd be used it to and maybe learn to handle it better, but it just seems like it keeps getting worse for me.


----------



## rymo

MrQuiet76 said:


> I know it sounds pathetic, but I just get so unbelievably anxious when I'm around a girl I find attractive that I just don't function right. I just can't talk, and I constantly stumble over my words. I also just freeze up and stuff when they talk to me, and doing so makes it so obvious how anxious I am, which I can tell makes people feel weird. That's why it was so awkward today. I guess I feel even more hopeless when I think that even if I somehow got a chance to go out with her, I would be SO anxious on the date that I can't even imagine how bad I would blow it during the date. You'd think with all the experience I have being anxious around girls that I'd be used it to and maybe learn to handle it better, but it just seems like it keeps getting worse for me.


Hey man, that's how I feel in group situations, or even when talking one on one to some people. My brain just feels like it's melting. I'm always worrying, even when I'm not in social situations. But one thing I can say for sure is that the only way I'm ever going to overcome those things is by continuing to try.

With girls, I still have some of that social anxiety like I have with people in general, but asking them out or flirting or being physical isn't hard for me anymore...but only because I've tried it (failed) and tried again, many times. That kind of stuff becomes mechanical after a while. Moral of the story: what the **** do you have to lose? It's good practice man. Watch the video I just posted. No more wasting time thinking you don't deserve to have a great life.

Another thing, based on what you've already described, you have a great shot. I can tell you now you would be doing yourself a huge disservice if you didn't ask her out. A date is not some super serious thing. Worst that happens, you don't seal the deal. Big deal. It happens to everyone. At least you get some more experience under your belt and you know how to handle things better next time. Best case? :boogie Boogie time.


----------



## laagamer

So she just lost her phone, _again_, now our only contact is through FB messaging.

I seriously need to stop being so hung up on this girl. She's extremely difficult to even make time with.

She's by far the most confusing girl I've ever dated.

.....But her smile makes my goddamn day :boogie


----------



## jsmith92

I'm done with girls. Forget them. I can't get a single one.


----------



## theCARS1979

I dont know, I think I am losing hope at this age. I dont see much right now. 
I feel like even if I try I ll be shot down


----------



## Zeeshan

laagamer said:


> So she just lost her phone, _again_, now our only contact is through FB messaging.
> 
> I seriously need to stop being so hung up on this girl. She's extremely difficult to even make time with.
> 
> She's by far the most confusing girl I've ever dated.
> 
> .....But her smile makes my goddamn day :boogie


aint love grand


----------



## srschirm

After going through a breakup, I'm doing the online thing. But I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready yet.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I call her before she sleeps or we text every night. I was supposed to meet and walk her after her classes on tuesday but her bus got her off at her home and she postponed our meet, so i rushed to her place and gave her the gift i have been holding on to. She couldnt stay for too long so when i had to leave, she walked me home this time. ( we were walking with her little brother btw).
I seem to be doing fine as a guy who cares about her, checking her daily. My problem is,,,i still cant even get to touch her how i want like holding hands, we do hug, but thats it, i tried tapping her arm a bit when emphasizing a point, but i did it so softly because i doubt myself. Yesterday i called, and i wanted for us to meet at my house for today and get pizza like last time but alone ( last time it was with her 2 friends) she didnt mind actually, but now i have realised my cousin, the house cleaner and my dad will be here. My cousin i am not too sure about, the cleaner i dont have that much problem with,,,but my dad has been home for to weeks because he was hit my a car and his leg still needs to heal,,,i dont have much problem with him,,but i just wanted some alone time. So i cancelled and told her we will rearrange. Any if we meet again, i want to try telling her i want to lift weights and tell her to feel my muscles just to feel free with touching a bit, maybe try whisper funny stuff in her ear so we can get comfortable closer. (i just want to ask her to be my girlfriend and not have to deal with the awkwardness of having to touch her only after confessing). ....cant f this opportunity up. This makes me feel so proactive nowadays


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I call her before she sleeps or we text every night. I was supposed to meet and walk her after her classes on tuesday but her bus got her off at her home and she postponed our meet, so i rushed to her place and gave her the gift i have been holding on to. She couldnt stay for too long so when i had to leave, she walked me home this time. ( we were walking with her little brother btw).
> I seem to be doing fine as a guy who cares about her, checking her daily. My problem is,,,i still cant even get to touch her how i want like holding hands, we do hug, but thats it, i tried tapping her arm a bit when emphasizing a point, but i did it so softly because i doubt myself. Yesterday i called, and i wanted for us to meet at my house for today and get pizza like last time but alone ( last time it was with her 2 friends) she didnt mind actually, but now i have realised my cousin, the house cleaner and my dad will be here. My cousin i am not too sure about, the cleaner i dont have that much problem with,,,but my dad has been home for to weeks because he was hit my a car and his leg still needs to heal,,,i dont have much problem with him,,but i just wanted some alone time. So i cancelled and told her we will rearrange. Any if we meet again, i want to try telling her i want to lift weights and tell her to feel my muscles just to feel free with touching a bit, maybe try whisper funny stuff in her ear so we can get comfortable closer. (i just want to ask her to be my girlfriend and not have to deal with the awkwardness of having to touch her only after confessing). ....cant f this opportunity up. This makes me feel so proactive nowadays


Chill kemosahbee!

Try not to be so nervous. It's just a girl.

First thing you must accept is that you _CAN _***** this up. And you know what? That'll be okay.

Maybe she isn't the girl you're destined to be with. Or maybe she is.

Either way, you'll keep on breathing without her. Accept this. And try not to feel so nervous! :yes

You want touching? Kiss her goodnight.


----------



## Hikikomori2014

still try. Better to try and fail than...



theCARS1979 said:


> I dont know, I think I am losing hope at this age. I dont see much right now.
> I feel like even if I try I ll be shot down


----------



## Hikikomori2014

great story!!



Madax said:


> Had the best bar experience yet.
> 
> I decided to go to a 2nd bar on Saturday night since the 1st one was pretty empty. I sat down at the bar and the guy next to me immediately introduced himself and the three people on the other side of me, two girls and a guy (who he just met that night).
> 
> I ended up having a lot of fun with them doing karaoke and dancing, even got to sing a duet with one of the girls. I couldn't quite tell if she was into me or not, mainly because we spent half the night encouraging her to give her number to this big hunk who frequents that bar :lol. Unfortunately I didn't ask for her number, but I hope to see her again soon. She's from the area (her two friends were from out of town) so I'll keep an eye out in the future.
> 
> In the past I would've been discouraged over this missed opportunity, now I just see it as a stepping stone...One step closer to a potential first date. I may not have asked her for her number, but it's a mistake that I'll definitely learn from.
> 
> The whole night felt amazing besides that. I felt so happy and confident, more than ever before. When I was singing my best karaoke song I managed to get the whole place to applaud. I'm pretty sure I had a smile on my face the whole night .
> 
> I feel like I made a nice leap forward this past Saturday night. Dating is a slow process for me, but I'm OK with it. I no longer feel like a failure if I don't do everything at once.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Chill kemosahbee!
> 
> Try not to be so nervous. It's just a girl.
> 
> First thing you must accept is that you _CAN _***** this up. And you know what? That'll be okay.
> 
> Maybe she isn't the girl you're destined to be with. Or maybe she is.
> 
> Either way, you'll keep on breathing without her. Accept this. And try not to feel so nervous! :yes
> 
> You want touching? Kiss her goodnight.


yea,, im acting very nervous,, i can just see how nervous i was writing my post. I just dont want to feel confused, i really want to confirm this thing we have. I should confront her and move on if i fail. I was feeling kind of desperate right now lol. Time to sleep late and have fun tonight, gotta forget all that for a bit. I'll comeback and fil you in...laagamer you have been amping me up man, really greatfull for your help, i have been a bit more proactive and not caring too much! Thanks a lot


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> yea,, im acting very nervous,, i can just see how nervous i was writing my post. I just dont want to feel confused, i really want to confirm this thing we have. I should confront her and move on if i fail. I was feeling kind of desperate right now lol. Time to sleep late and have fun tonight, gotta forget all that for a bit. I'll comeback and fil you in...laagamer you have been amping me up man, really greatfull for your help, i have been a bit more proactive and not caring too much! Thanks a lot


Deep breaths buddy. You'll be fine.

I got a date at the LA County Fair this Sat. Haven't seen each other in like 3 weeks. Trying to remind myself to keep calm.

If you live near LA we should double date lol


----------



## anyoldkindofday

I need to either learn some dance moves, or convince myself that I'm not as bad as I think.

I went to a party yesterday with a couple friends, while waiting for my friends to drop off their coats at the cloakroom I sat next to a friend on a couch near the entrance. Within like 20 seconds some girl comes up to me, grabs my hand and pulls me on the dancefloor with her. My mind goes into wtfpanic-mode, as dancing 1on1 is completely new to me. I'm way too self-conscious for it, at least with a group of friends I feel safe, because noone's going to be constantly looking at my moves (or lack thereof). I was pretty drunk already when I got there, which wasn't helping, so I decided to use that as an excuse to get out of the situation, hoping to keep hidden the fact that it freaked me out.

Sad part is, that even though I should see this as a positive event where a (quite pretty*) girl approached me to dance, I keep rerunning the scene in my head as me *****ing up looking stupid.

*unless beer-goggles clouded my vision that much...


----------



## theCARS1979

Hikikomori2014 said:


> still try. Better to try and fail than...


thanks although i don't have immediate ideas


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> I need to either learn some dance moves, or convince myself that I'm not as bad as I think.
> 
> I went to a party yesterday with a couple friends, while waiting for my friends to drop off their coats at the cloakroom I sat next to a friend on a couch near the entrance. Within like 20 seconds some girl comes up to me, grabs my hand and pulls me on the dancefloor with her. My mind goes into wtfpanic-mode, as dancing 1on1 is completely new to me. I'm way too self-conscious for it, at least with a group of friends I feel safe, because noone's going to be constantly looking at my moves (or lack thereof). I was pretty drunk already when I got there, which wasn't helping, so I decided to use that as an excuse to get out of the situation, hoping to keep hidden the fact that it freaked me out.
> 
> Sad part is, that even though I should see this as a positive event where a (quite pretty*) girl approached me to dance, I keep rerunning the scene in my head as me *****ing up looking stupid.
> 
> *unless beer-goggles clouded my vision that much...


I know what you mean. It's like, you were presented with an opportunity and then just got nervous and tried to get out of it so that you wouldn't be more embarrassed. That feeling where you want to isolate yourself ASAP, back to the comfort zone. The fear is overwhelming sometimes.

However, beer goggles or no, the only mistake you made was blowing an opportunity. Girl actually brings YOU to the dance floor? I mean damn. That's pretty much a make out at the very least. What's worse? You missing the chance to have a great time with a girl, or hooking up with someone while your friends MIGHT think you're not the best dancer?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Deep breaths buddy. You'll be fine.
> 
> I got a date at the LA County Fair this Sat. Haven't seen each other in like 3 weeks. Trying to remind myself to keep calm.
> 
> If you live near LA we should double date lol


haha i live SA (south africa) haha. So are you two official/ exclusive?


----------



## MuyTriste

I'm not doing anything to get a girl. I let the girls come to me. I don't meet many girls that way, but I get along better with the ones I do. Quality is better than quantity, after all.


----------



## rymo

MuyTriste said:


> I'm not doing anything to get a girl. I let the girls come to me. I don't meet many girls that way, but I get along better with the ones I do. Quality is better than quantity, after all.


But you approaching girls would automatically mean you would meet more high quality girls (despite also meeting more lower quality girls), AND you get the benefit of becoming a more social and outgoing person, pushing your boundaries and such. That's not to say you should do that if you're perfectly happy with what you're doing. If you are - kudos. That's great.


----------



## rymo

Went to my first Meetup tonight. It's the NYC SA/Shyness meetup group. It was a bar get-together. Somewhat awkward. But fun. Doesn't have to do with meeting women really, but it's all the same really - being social, mingling...yadda yadda. My mingling skills kind of suck. But it was a good start.


----------



## MuyTriste

rymo said:


> But you approaching girls would automatically mean you would meet more high quality girls (despite also meeting more lower quality girls), AND you get the benefit of becoming a more social and outgoing person, pushing your boundaries and such. That's not to say you should do that if you're perfectly happy with what you're doing. If you are - kudos. That's great.


1. I'm socially awkward and obviously so, so approaching girls tends to backfire.

2. I'm not attracted to strangers, so I'd have no reason to approach those girls in the first place.


----------



## villadb

rymo said:


> Went to my first Meetup tonight. It's the NYC SA/Shyness meetup group. It was a bar get-together. Somewhat awkward. But fun. Doesn't have to do with meeting women really, but it's all the same really - being social, mingling...yadda yadda. My mingling skills kind of suck. But it was a good start.


That's great, I wish I lived closer to London to go along to one of those SA meetup groups. There just isn't quite the population where I live to make an SA group really.

I actually got a reply to a message on POF yesterday. So I then sent another message which she hasn't replied to yet, so I think that one may have died a death after 3 messages. Still, progress I guess.


----------



## rymo

MuyTriste said:


> 1. I'm socially awkward and obviously so, so approaching girls tends to backfire.
> 
> 2. I'm not attracted to strangers, so I'd have no reason to approach those girls in the first place.


Aren't girls that come up to you first strangers?


----------



## MuyTriste

rymo said:


> Aren't girls that come up to you first strangers?


Strangers => Acquaintances => Friends => Love Interests

I need to establish trust and compatibility before I start feeling attraction.


----------



## rymo

MuyTriste said:


> Strangers => Acquaintances => Friends => Love Interests
> 
> I need to establish trust and compatibility before I start feeling attraction.


I don't see how that progression differs if you are the one who approaches the girl, but hey man I'm not gonna argue. Keep doin what works for you.

(though, of course I understand that approaching can go south because of SA and all that. I mean, that's what we all struggle with, after all. But if you can talk to a girl who comes up to you, you can do the same the other way around. You have it within you to be able to do it, as hard as it can be sometimes. Just takes practice, like anything else.)


----------



## MuyTriste

rymo said:


> I don't see how that progression differs if you are the one who approaches the girl, but hey man I'm not gonna argue. Keep doin what works for you.
> 
> (though, of course I understand that approaching can go south because of SA and all that. I mean, that's what we all struggle with, after all. But if you can talk to a girl who comes up to you, you can do the same the other way around. You have it within you to be able to do it, as hard as it can be sometimes. Just takes practice, like anything else.)


You misunderstand. Until I actually know somebody, I feel no reason to approach them.


----------



## inerameia

I'm not trying... I think I would be better off going to war. There's no hope for love for me. I guess I'm just not a lover. I don't know who I am. Just another ape-like mammalian.


----------



## rymo

So it was 3.5 years ago (holy ****) that I started approaching girls left and right and finally lost my virginity. Once that landmark event happened, I never really went out as often anymore, and although I've still come a long way in those years, my general SA-conquering progress has been slow.

Lately I've had an incredible fire under my *** to go out more. Like...every day. It's early, and this has more to do with just socializing in general than picking up girls, but I want to do something new or at least go out every single day (more or less). Taking more "risks" when it comes to socializing, seizing social opportunities, trying to make friends. I cannot and will not accept a life of mediocrity anymore.

I'll post updates here and there, maybe it will inspire someone to approach people or just push themselves a little out of their comfort zone a little more. In a sense, this thread will be used partly (from my end) as my blog. But it's my thread, so **** you!


----------



## spititout

not a whole lot. being a member of okcupid.


----------



## NeverSawMe

I had a girl strike up a conversation with me out of the blue while leaving work. We walk together after work to the bus/garage and talk. She is cute funny and smart. The next day she spoke to me and went on to ask me how my night went and all that stuff like she cares. We tease each other and she pokes and shoves me too. We were even trying to come up with our own hand shake. Also I catch her starring at me sometimes. But of course I this was all too good to be true. Turns out she is in a relationship.... also she's a lesbian.:blank


----------



## Hikikomori2014

any luck from OkCupid? emails, skyping, texting, etc



spititout said:


> not a whole lot. being a member of okcupid.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> haha i live SA (south africa) haha. So are you two official/ exclusive?


Well she ****ing cancelled on me yesterday. ****ing depressing.

I haven't seen her in 3 weeks.

So I'd say probably not.

Which is why I'm asking out the chick in my Humanities class this week. :yes


----------



## spititout

Hikikomori2014 said:


> any luck from OkCupid? emails, skyping, texting, etc


If you're familiar with okcupid - I get heaps of quickmatches. hypothetically, people swipe anyone and everyone on that thing tho (i think?) 
girls dont often send unsolicited messages. Ive talked to heaps of women on there, done a bunch of dates. its fun. it feels unnatural having two people meet up with the idea of dating from a website. on some of the dates its been so obvious that we're worlds apart personality wise. Have you tried something like okcupid?


----------



## Rixy

Here's a funny video that might help.


----------



## Rixy

I mentioned earlier that I've started university and am trying to be more social to increase my chances of meeting someone. So I've started trying to talk to some girls, one of which was on my course. I tried making a good impression of myself (nothing serious, just trying to make friends) and then she asked me to move seats so her friends could sit there...










Ouch, haven't had that since secondary school. :b


----------



## rymo

Rixy said:


> I mentioned earlier that I've started university and am trying to be more social to increase my chances of meeting someone. So I've started trying to talk to some girls, one of which was on my course. I tried making a good impression of myself (nothing serious, just trying to make friends) and then she asked me to move seats so her friends could sit there...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ouch, haven't had that since secondary school. :b


Haha. Can't take it personally. She just wanted to sit next to her friends. But don't be afraid to turn a situation like that in your advantage. "Sure, I'll move. Just give me your number and I'll be on my way xD" Smiling coyly of course, so you don't come off as creepy. It's all about your delivery. You say something in an obviously tongue-in-cheek way and most girls will just laugh and think you have balls for saying something like that.

This is opposed to the alternative, which is to just meekly reply, "Sure. I'll move." And then fade away into oblivion. That's no way to make an impression


----------



## huh

In the past 3 years I've dated about 15 different girls. One interesting thing I've realized is only 1 of those girls weighed less than me...lol. And I'd consider myself average/fit. But yeah, I just stopped dating another girl I met. I'm just exhausted from going from one person to another. Lately I'd rather be home alone playing my snes or something


----------



## IcedOver

I'm kind of flailing around at the moment, and would consider myself officially *Desperate*, being 38 with zero experience. I should not be concerned with women at all at the moment because I have something else that is more pressing, but I was flaked on recently by a woman in a situation that looked like a "sure thing." She said last week that she would write again, either to explain her flake or possibly to reconsider it, I don't know. I'm not hopeful of her coming around to it again, but if she firmly decides against us meeting, I may do something rash like paying for something (not necessarily sex). I don't want to do that. While I'm waiting for her to get back to me, I'm just flailing around trying this and that online, and it's really not helpful. Getting so close once again and being flaked on (same thing happened last year, although I actually met the girl in person last year) has given me "mental blue balls," if you know what I mean.


----------



## Noll

Well I try to talk to people I find interesting and people in general. So far I seem to be stuck in 'small talk avenue' so to speak. There are girls I can talk to but I'm always too shy to do it when they are with their friends, especially male friends who I feel are just better versions of me. They are always able to make them laugh, but I am rigid and self-centered. Lately I've been falling into a depressive period and so I just avoid everyone, which is a result of wanting to be alone, and wanting to make things worse for myself. I don't know, it's weird. But I do want love, I cry about it most nights. I guess you could say that I don't do an awful lot.


----------



## Darktower776

rymo said:


> So it was 3.5 years ago (holy ****) that I started approaching girls left and right and finally lost my virginity. Once that landmark event happened, I never really went out as often anymore, and although I've still come a long way in those years, my general SA-conquering progress has been slow.
> 
> Lately I've had an incredible fire under my *** to go out more. Like...every day. It's early, and this has more to do with just socializing in general than picking up girls, but I want to do something new or at least go out every single day (more or less). Taking more "risks" when it comes to socializing, seizing social opportunities, trying to make friends. I cannot and will not accept a life of mediocrity anymore.
> 
> I'll post updates here and there, maybe it will inspire someone to approach people or just push themselves a little out of their comfort zone a little more. In a sense, this thread will be used partly (from my end) as my blog. But it's my thread, so **** you!


Good for you, Rymo. As the starter of this thread I was occasionally curious how your own progress and search was going.


----------



## Cyclonic

Bought a new and somewhat expensive dress shirt, wore it to the club. Feel Like a million bucks...had to show off my bump in pay


----------



## SA go0n

Madax said:


> Bought a new and somewhat expensive dress shirt, wore it to the club. Feel Like a million bucks...had to show off my bump in pay


What, you didn't want to wear your Lions jersey? LOL


----------



## Cyclonic

SA go0n said:


> What, you didn't want to wear your Lions jersey? LOL


I'm not that much of a loser 

But I'd probably fit better in this club lol


----------



## laagamer

She told me she misses me today. Best feeling in the world. :clap

We're going to go for a walk, maybe go to the park during the day tomorrow.

I don't think I've stopped smiling in last 3 hours. :yes:b


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> She told me she misses me today. Best feeling in the world. :clap
> 
> We're going to go for a walk, maybe go to the park during the day tomorrow.
> 
> I don't think I've stopped smiling in last 3 hours. :yes:b


hahaha Oh yeah!! So is this not the chick in your humanities class right ?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Yesterday I called her and we talked ,laughed etc. I knew she was about to sleep and so I went straight to the point and I told her I like the thought of us having a relationship. I knew its nearly exam period and stuff, but I just told myself that I am gonna do this no matter what. I asked her what does she think. So she said she was shocked. She said she is shocked in a "good way". She said she doesn't know. I told her how nice of a girl she is and all that and had a little laugh so this is not totally awkward. I asked if its a "no". She said its not a no. I am still confused about her answer, but man she sounded shocked. I told my friend about this, and he said that's what girls do here. They don't say "yes" most of the time, I have to say "yes" for them and they confirm my answer in a way. :/

(I felt like the call went awesomely yesterday, but felt so ****ty after over thinking and slept ****ty. I woke up this morning thinking I called her this morning and she rejected me , I even had to check my call log to confirm that my nightmares were just nightmares. Hahahaha man my heart was pounding this morning.)

I feel proud of my self thoough because this is the first time I told a girl how actually feel about them. 

I am gonna give her a call tonight and hopefully she doesn't feel as much pressure and she could give me a straighter answer.


----------



## rymo

Went to a few flea markets this weekend with a friend. We also went to a few bars, went to the High Line in the city, ate ate some great restaurants. Really put myself out there in the world this weekend with the help of my friend and it was a great experience. We had a lot of fun and getting more comfortable with just being out.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> hahaha Oh yeah!! So is this not the chick in your humanities class right ?


Yup.

Ended up not asking Humanities chick out because Girl #1 rescheduled.

Meeting in an hour.

I'll admit. I'm nervous. :b


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Yup.
> 
> Ended up not asking Humanities chick out because Girl #1 rescheduled.
> 
> Meeting in an hour.
> 
> I'll admit. I'm nervous. :b


Haha so it sounds like it's going well. Maybe she might have been busy or she was also nervous that's why she cancelled at first. Either way, you have a good chance.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Yesterday I called her and we talked ,laughed etc. I knew she was about to sleep and so I went straight to the point and I told her I like the thought of us having a relationship. I knew its nearly exam period and stuff, but I just told myself that I am gonna do this no matter what. I asked her what does she think. So she said she was shocked. She said she is shocked in a "good way". She said she doesn't know. I told her how nice of a girl she is and all that and had a little laugh so this is not totally awkward. I asked if its a "no". She said its not a no. I am still confused about her answer, but man she sounded shocked. I told my friend about this, and he said that's what girls do here. They don't say "yes" most of the time, I have to say "yes" for them and they confirm my answer in a way. :/
> 
> (I felt like the call went awesomely yesterday, but felt so ****ty after over thinking and slept ****ty. I woke up this morning thinking I called her this morning and she rejected me , I even had to check my call log to confirm that my nightmares were just nightmares. Hahahaha man my heart was pounding this morning.)
> 
> I feel proud of my self thoough because this is the first time I told a girl how actually feel about them.
> 
> I am gonna give her a call tonight and hopefully she doesn't feel as much pressure and she could give me a straighter answer.


Hey man I'm not hip to foreign culture so my outlook may be wrong, but you told her how you feel and that's all you can do!

Great ****ing job man! Way to go! That took guts. :clap:clap:clap:clap:clap

The ball is in her court man and I hope she responds in kind. Just remember that whatever her answer is, you'll still be yourself.

---------------------------------------

So the date went.........interestingly. I don't really know.

She told me that she originally wasn't attracted to me but I have an "addictive personality". Code for "I'm just not that into you". :blank

Then she proceeded to tell me that she has "needs" and that all she wants me for is sex. She even went as far as to say that we should "still look for other people".

Ouch. :|

I've never been in this position. I have genuine feelings for this girl, so I can see this ending in heartbreak very easily for me.

Then again, I _obviously_ want sex.

****ing women man


----------



## Thedood

I've been trying the whole "just be myself" approach for my entire life with very very limited success. Maybe I should try something else..


----------



## Noll

Thedood said:


> I've been trying the whole "just be myself" approach for my entire life with very very limited success. Maybe I should try something else..


When people tell me to 'be myself' I just assume that means I should continue being avoidant and slightly arrogant, being yourself is bound to cause misery but... There's a novelty to being yourself no matter what I think. Though maybe I am not old and desperate enough to say otherwise yet.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Hey man I'm not hip to foreign culture so my outlook may be wrong, but you told her how you feel and that's all you can do!
> 
> Great ****ing job man! Way to go! That took guts. :clap:clap:clap:clap:clap
> 
> The ball is in her court man and I hope she responds in kind. Just remember that whatever her answer is, you'll still be yourself.
> 
> ---------------------------------------
> 
> So the date went.........interestingly. I don't really know.
> 
> She told me that she originally wasn't attracted to me but I have an "addictive personality". Code for "I'm just not that into you". :blank
> 
> Then she proceeded to tell me that she has "needs" and that all she wants me for is sex. She even went as far as to say that we should "still look for other people".
> 
> Ouch. :|
> 
> I've never been in this position. I have genuine feelings for this girl, so I can see this ending in heartbreak very easily for me.
> 
> Then again, I _obviously_ want sex.
> 
> ****ing women man


i'll be calling her today, we texted a bit yesterday but i was busy,,but no awkwardness really. I'll let you know///

as for your situation though...WTF??? That is selfish of her. She wants your d* only, and doesn't care about what you actually want. You are right about setting yourself up for heartbreak. I think if you really want to have sex with her, do everything you want to do, enjoy her p****, care about your own enjoyment. Don't cuddle or kiss, don't show her that addictive personality of yours, don't need her anymore. You don't want to be missing her and she coming back for the sex when she likes. Damn, so you never saw this coming? or you notice signs?


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> i'll be calling her today, we texted a bit yesterday but i was busy,,but no awkwardness really. I'll let you know///
> 
> as for your situation though...WTF??? That is selfish of her. She wants your d* only, and doesn't care about what you actually want. You are right about setting yourself up for heartbreak. I think if you really want to have sex with her, do everything you want to do, enjoy her p****, care about your own enjoyment. Don't cuddle or kiss, don't show her that addictive personality of yours, don't need her anymore. You don't want to be missing her and she coming back for the sex when she likes. Damn, so you never saw this coming? or you notice signs?


WTF indeed sir :blank

And last night was simply a confirmation that I can't read women for ****.

I think she's grown impatient with my slow pace (again, all she wants is sex)

She said she "values my friendship and doesn't want to ruin things". Very generic statement which raises the question WHY THE HELL DO WANT TO HAVE SEX THEN?

Wouldn't that, you know, ruin things?

Probably going to let her jump me...see how it goes from there I guess? :blank


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> WTF indeed sir :blank
> 
> And last night was simply a confirmation that I can't read women for ****.
> 
> I think she's grown impatient with my slow pace (again, all she wants is sex)
> 
> She said she "values my friendship and doesn't want to ruin things". Very generic statement which raises the question WHY THE HELL DO WANT TO HAVE SEX THEN?
> 
> Wouldn't that, you know, ruin things?
> 
> Probably going to let her jump me...see how it goes from there I guess? :blank


In a weird way you are one lucky dude that she is putting out for you, but damn, you have genuine feelings for her. At the very least, I do commend her for telling you this before sex instead of her having sex with you and only telling you later that she "values the friendship" more. 
I hope you aren't gonna be "love-making", you should bang and ditch. (can't believe i am saying this, but somehow your situation makes it seem appropriate )


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I think now she is playing this weird hard to get game because now she knows I like her. She doesn't even respond to me properly, its like ...she asked me to text instead of call her because it was night, and that is were she gets so complex to understand :/. 

Why can't she answer my questions straightly?? She acts like she forgot what we talked about on Sunday. She thinks i can't see though her act. She keeps giving me bs answers and im sure she expects me to chase her around till I get her.. When I just give up and text a goodnight,, she replies like (goodnight, r u going to sleep now) as if she wants to talk more, then we talk again and she starts playing weird games again. I even texted her "U win goodnight" a couple of times because I know she is playing mindgames games. 

Something tells me she is getting advice from her friends. I am gonna stop all communication with her till my birthday. I called her on her birthday and I remember she promised to call me on mine on the 28th. I want to see if she'll call. If she don't then she can suck it.
I should really become my true introvert, shy indoors-y self again, even watch some anime etc. She used to like me a lot when I was so scarcely seen by her.. I will act distant and maybe she will think about me often and just stop the games and be real, otherwise I will just move on and watch some shoujo anime or something.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I think now she is playing this weird hard to get game because now she knows I like her. She doesn't even respond to me properly, its like ...she asked me to text instead of call her because it was night, and that is were she gets so complex to understand :/.
> 
> Why can't she answer my questions straightly?? She acts like she forgot what we talked about on Sunday. She thinks i can't see though her act. She keeps giving me bs answers and im sure she expects me to chase her around till I get her.. When I just give up and text a goodnight,, she replies like (goodnight, r u going to sleep now) as if she wants to talk more, then we talk again and she starts playing weird games again. I even texted her "U win goodnight" a couple of times because I know she is playing mindgames games.
> 
> Something tells me she is getting advice from her friends. I am gonna stop all communication with her till my birthday. I called her on her birthday and I remember she promised to call me on mine on the 28th. I want to see if she'll call. If she don't then she can suck it.
> I should really become my true introvert, shy indoors-y self again, even watch some anime etc. She used to like me a lot when I was so scarcely seen by her.. I will act distant and maybe she will think about me often and just stop the games and be real, otherwise I will just move on and watch some shoujo anime or something.


If you're sure that's the road you want to take man, then I say go for it! I'm just uncertain about the whole foreign culture thing.

You sure this ain't some weird cultural thing like you said?

Either way, I know that the relationship won't go anywhere if you give up.

This is why I say that you should be certain in the way you want to play it.

I was also a fan of Shoujo anime back in the day.:clap (Like 4 years ago)

Also, she better call you. Else I'm gonna write her a very sternly worded letter about morals. 

Quick Q, did you immigrate to Africa or were you born there? Simply curious.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> (can't believe i am saying this, but somehow your situation makes it seem appropriate )


I can't believe I'm thinking it :sus


----------



## Brandeezy

Wow I haven't posted in this thread in forever but I have another coworker crush again :/

She's 20 and came to my store from another grocery store a month ago with about 10 of her coworkers because their old store is having money issues. Her and her bff (who also works at the store)are both attractive but her bff is smoking hot, like 100k followers on Instagram hot lol (she actually has less than the one i like but that's another story) but i'm still attracted to the other one. Here are the problems though….

- She's way taller than me, I guess she's 5'10" or 5'11" and i'm 5'6"

- Lives across the bay so seeing her would be difficult if we ever date or go on one because I don't have a car/license

- I believe she likes one of the guys in my department based on the fact that she asked me to text him on his off day saying that she misses him. She told him it was a joke but he ended up getting her phone number and Snapchat thing (whatever that is) a week later.

- Last thing is that she's a coworker so yeah

I would go after the model bff but she seems to have a bad attitude and her Ex bf is my manager (yeah i know). Besides that I'm getting annoyed by the male coworker i mentioned who hits on like every girl in the store. He has a baby, no car, and still gets numbers which is mind-blowing. Also he tells me he's tired of being a ***** smh while he's seeing one of the new coworkers right now and talking to the one I just mentioned. I wonder if he looks at it as a game or something, it's weird


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> I can't believe I'm thinking it :sus


lol yeah man, pretty weird situation. Its your decision overall.



laagamer said:


> If you're sure that's the road you want to take man, then I say go for it! I'm just uncertain about the whole foreign culture thing.
> 
> You sure this ain't some weird cultural thing like you said?
> 
> Either way, I know that the relationship won't go anywhere if you give up.
> 
> This is why I say that you should be certain in the way you want to play it.
> 
> I was also a fan of Shoujo anime back in the day. (Like 4 years ago)
> 
> Also, she better call you. Else I'm gonna write her a very sternly worded letter about morals.
> 
> Quick Q, did you immigrate to Africa or were you born there? Simply curious.


Yeah I thought about it again and its something that girls do around here. That is why I haven't been dating. Last time I chased for a girl in my town was like in 2010, and that girl toyed with my emotions just to make someone else jealous.

When girls here play these games I usually lose, because I become too available which then I end up distancing myself to a point were we become awkward. So a friend of mine told me this time that I am not moving fast enough, so I tried telling this current girl how I feel about her before getting friendzoned and bam, mindgames again. She is enjoying this and its driving me insane.

You are right though, I should be careful in how I respond to her game. Now I think I shouldn't really be distancing myself all together. ( Ignore her for a day and respond, ignore her for two days and respond, ignore her for three days and respond) Somehow I think she still likes me, and she is testing me.

Ohyeah,,,I was born in South Africa. Somehow I think I am the only one in town that sucks at dating. Have you been Living in LA since birth?


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> NOTHING
> 
> I want to start approaching girls BADLY, but my SA is too overwhelming that I can't even bring myself to try. I fear them finding out I'm a loser. But by feeling that way, I isolate myself, ironically MAKING myself a loser.
> 
> Self-fulfilling prophecy.


Exactly, my friend. You have to realize there's pretty much no chance you'll ever see that person again, and even if you did, what they think has no bearing on who you are. Think about it like this. You have X level of confidence, you approach a girl, and you get rejected. She isn't rejecting YOU, the real YOU, who is probably a great person. She is rejecting her interpretation of you, a person who is approaching with a low level of confidence and a high level of social anxiety.

But then...you approach another girl. And this time you have learned from your previous mistakes. You're also slightly more confident this time around, because you realize that even though you got rejected once - you are actually still alive and have lost nothing. You approach with this newfound perspective and do a little bit better. Get a slightly better reaction. But still get rejected.

You try again, and maybe it goes a little better. Or maybe not. But every girl is different, so not everyone will respond positively, even if you have God-tier confidence. You also never know what's going on in a girl's head at any given moment, so you can't just assume it's something you did wrong every time.

So you keep trying, and you notice the more you do this the more you see girls smiling when you talk to them. Laughing with you. Responding positively to your physical advances. You get your first number from approaching. You get your first make out. You realize that even a person with social anxiety can do this if they practice and have a positive attitude about it, and that if you had remained sitting at home not trying to change your life for the better, you would have been utterly unhappy. You can't believe that you didn't start this earlier, because this type of exposure is your ticket to a more fulfilling life, and that it's more than just meeting women and getting laid. It's about much more important things...like having amazing experiences, an awesome life full of stories instead of a mediocre one, and most of all, not being a slave to this social anxiety bull****.

It's simply a choice. It doesn't matter how anxious you are. You can physically do it. It's just a choice. A better life, or not. Going for what you want in life, or remaining "comfortable".


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> What makes it a thousand times worse is that I know if I try, I'll succeed. So I don't even fear failure. I KNOW I'd succeed. But I'm too scared to even try.
> 
> Of course I understand that I physically can just disregard my anxiety, and I tell myself EVERY DAY that I will, but I can never bring myself to do it. *I'm a coward.*


No you're not. It took me years to work up the courage to first try this. It's a daunting task, without a doubt. But knowing that you can do it is almost putting too much pressure on yourself. Take it one step at a time. Gauge your success on actually approaching a girl. Nothing else. Not on getting a number or making her laugh or anything else. If you actually walk up and say hi to a girl, that's your first success, no matter what happens afterwards. One step at a time.

And stop thinking so much. You remind me of me - super critical of myself, always putting tons of pressure on myself. Just take it easy. If you don't do it, it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of opportunities, and it only takes one. When you're ready to do it, you'll feel it. You'll feel an incredible amount of anxiety...that is somehow overwhelmed by an intense desire to change things for yourself. You will power through the negativity, I promise you that.


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> It's been years for me as well. I literally haven't even had an ACQUAINTANCE in 10 years! Since I was 11!
> 
> And the thing is, I can already make people laugh. I can get people to smile. I KNOW I can even get the NUMBER. But I'm too cowardly to put myself out there just in case.


Well I couldn't do any of that stuff and I still went for it. I was also 3 years older than you when I did it. Sounds like you got this


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> Yeah, but you had the courage to try. I don't. It sucks. I actually get angered that most guys can just naturally pick up girls and have lots of friends.
> 
> Why not me? Yeah, I know I'm not trying, but most guys don't have to try? Why do I have to be the only one that HAS to try?


I had to try. That makes two of us. Stop pitying yourself and make a change.


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> Easier said than done. If it was easy, I would have done it a long time ago.


No one said it was easy. But just because you haven't done it yet doesn't mean you're a coward. Society doesn't exactly teach people how to randomly interact with strangers. It's certainly not the norm. But you still have the power to do it. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not doable.

Sometimes I do wonder how I even mustered up the courage to do it. But I'm glad I did. If I hadn't, my desperation would have probably consumed me and I would be in really, really bad shape. Making that decision...to approach over and over...was ultimately the biggest, most game-changing decision I've ever made in my life. Eventually, when you realize that it can be the same for you, you'll do it for sure. Whether you haven't had an acquaintance in 10 years or 100, it really doesn't matter. It makes no difference at what point in life you're at. You can still do it, and it will still change your life.


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> I'm not a model or anything, so I NEED charisma. I can't think of any reason why they'd pick me over better-looking guys that aren't socially-retarded.


Because you would have had the balls to talk to them.


----------



## rymo

AARP said:


> But so do other males. Every girl I see at uni is usually in a group laughing with guys.
> 
> Most guys don't have these social inhibitions, so these girls DO get approached by better guys.


AARP, you are full of excuses  The power of social anxiety at work: you can always come up with a reason not to push yourself socially. I'm not going to argue every single point, because ultimately it just comes down to doing it and not worrying about who's better or worse or whether some dumb college girl will think you're weird for two seconds. But I will say this: the vast majority of guys don't cold approach. You doing so already gives you an advantage. And forget about whether you are socially retarded or not. This is one of the best ways to get BETTER at socializing. Period.


----------



## millenniumman75

I talk to people a lot more often than even just a year ago.
I don't feel like dating because it would get in the way. I have to get things in order.
It has been an interesting jouney. :lol

Losing your virginity isn't going to do squat if you can't socialize. It's supposed to be more that a physical act and it is used WAY too much for the wrong reason.

DO NOT get pulled into society's crap. You can say no.


----------



## Elad

millenniumman75 said:


> I talk to people a lot more often than even just a year ago.
> I don't feel like dating because it would get in the way. I have to get things in order.
> It has been an interesting jouney. :lol


but what are you doing to find a msmilleniumwoman75, surely your kate is out there somewhere

need to saddle you up and ride that tinder train, swipe swipe swipe until you meet your tinderella, slip er into those SASsy glass slippers and do the no pants dance until the clock strikes midnight when she has to run off take her daily pill

could be something magical, or at least you thought, until you find out that tinderella was herpeella, her devilish sister in disguise, and you're not even her most snapped on snapchat, its some guy called charlie who may or may not own a creepy chocolate factory where he enslaves a family of midgets, forcing them to inbreed and creature more workers, everyone forced to get tacky spraytans and wear the same clothes so to keep them in line psychologically, when one shows signs of dissent he gets fished out of the chocolate river face down the next morning

but yeah you find out that same glass slipper has been worn by many other suitors, the rage consumes you, you smash her in the ear with it killing her

in your panic you prop up her corpse and pretend everything is fine, asking her to make you a sandwich and tossing her on the kitchen floor, when it hits you, it isnt going to be ok and you're most likely ****ed

once the blood is scrubbed and you've cut up and ate her clothes(perfect crime) you reflect on your life and why you even wanted women in your life in the first place

you get 25 to life after pleading insanity, jury didnt buy it until you revealed your sas account, then it was just a matter of time

spend your daily internet breaking through the firewall to post negative generalized frustration threads about women on sas and reddit, your only salvation being your soap is on a rope

its a slippery slope bro


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

so a few hours ago my friend called to tell me he is at my gate. I came out and he was standing with the girl. They bumped into each other and so my friend tried to surprise me. I got some chairs and sat for a bit. The conversation was kind of dominated by my friend and her ( my friend is super extrovert, an energy filled guy) so I kind of disappeared for a while. Felt like my communication with the girl wasn't too much at first. At the same time my little nephew was so distracting and I didn't feel free. Felt like I was a third wheel. So I was just there lamely sitting next to her and my friend being the center of attention in a way. He told her he has a girlfriend and they went on and on about the topic too while i was just browsing her phone. I just wanted to feel closer to her or atleast feel comfortable touching her, so I decided to just do something before I regret my day completely. I acted a bit tired and took her bag from her and put it on my lap, put my head on her lap and scrolled through her phone LOOL. She was like "no what if ur mom sees this" I told myself that I wont back down lol. ( i was a bit nervous doing this but I did it) lol.

Anyway when it was time to go, my buddy gave her this big hug and after walking her, I gave her my only hug of the day and it was all bull****. sigh ...Felt inferior and distracted today, low energy. I couldnt make a move infront of him. He was like "okay man give her a kiss on the cheek ,come on man!" I kind of chickened out. ( I can't do such moves in front of people, I get all nervous and ish,,I regret not even trying) She looked so gorgeous today, I didn't even compliment her, well....my friend did ! **** This was a losing game for me... I don't know how this reflects of me to her. Feel like ****. I ****ing failed my hug again. Stupid 1second ****...skew ****ing angle,,...I should have just stood there straight up and hugged her,,,but I felt ****ty............kcjadbcakjdb


----------



## Elad

@photorealisticotakuman

not sure if i read that right but did you just randomly put your head on the girls lap while she was talking to someone else

also her saying "what if ur mom see this"?

poor girl probably thought you were about to spontaneously go down on her in front of your mate

0 to 100 real quick


----------



## millenniumman75

Elad said:


> but what are you doing to find a *msmilleniumwoman75*, surely your kate is out there somewhere
> 
> need to saddle you up and ride that tinder train, swipe swipe swipe until you meet your tinderella, slip er into those SASsy glass slippers and do the no pants dance until the clock strikes midnight when she has to run off take her daily pill
> 
> could be something magical, or at least you thought, until you find out that tinderella was herpeella, her devilish sister in disguise, and you're not even her most snapped on snapchat, its some guy called charlie who may or may not own a creepy chocolate factory where he enslaves a family of midgets, forcing them to inbreed and creature more workers, everyone forced to get tacky spraytans and wear the same clothes so to keep them in line psychologically, when one shows signs of dissent he gets fished out of the chocolate river face down the next morning
> 
> but yeah you find out that same glass slipper has been worn by many other suitors, the rage consumes you, you smash her in the ear with it killing her
> 
> in your panic you prop up her corpse and pretend everything is fine, asking her to make you a sandwich and tossing her on the kitchen floor, when it hits you, it isnt going to be ok and you're most likely ****ed
> 
> once the blood is scrubbed and you've cut up and ate her clothes(perfect crime) you reflect on your life and why you even wanted women in your life in the first place
> 
> you get 25 to life after pleading insanity, jury didnt buy it until you revealed your sas account, then it was just a matter of time
> 
> spend your daily internet breaking through the firewall to post negative generalized frustration threads about women on sas and reddit, your only salvation being your soap is on a rope
> 
> its a slippery slope bro


She will be known as MillenniumMa'am :lol.
She's out there.

"I just haven't met her yet" - to quote Michael Bublé.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Elad said:


> @photorealisticotakuman
> 
> not sure if i read that right but did you just randomly put your head on the girls lap while she was talking to someone else
> 
> also her saying "what if ur mom see this"?
> 
> poor girl probably thought you were about to spontaneously go down on her in front of your mate
> 
> 0 to 100 real quick


well yeah, We were close enough.We were at my house. She let me, she knew I was tired because my lil nephew was troublesome (but in relity was also bored that my buddy didnt give me a chance) . I just used it as an excuse, so it wasn't awkward. The way she said "what if ur mom see this" wasn't serious. She let me for a while.

Thing is, my friend was all high energy, and was the only one standing up doing talking most of the time, while I was sitting next to her. Anyway, it was my first time doing this, and she isn't a random girl.

yeah, im pretty sure she liked it. (lol) We even took selfies afterwards so...took a risk and went out well. Though i am not satisfied on the rest of the hanggout..


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> well yeah, We were close enough.We were at my house. She let me, she knew I was tired because my lil nephew was troublesome (but in relity was also bored that my buddy didnt give me a chance) . I just used it as an excuse, so it wasn't awkward. The way she said "what if ur mom see this" wasn't serious. She let me for a while.
> 
> Thing is, my friend was all high energy, and was the only one standing up doing talking most of the time, while I was sitting next to her. Anyway, it was my first time doing this, and she isn't a random girl.
> 
> yeah, im pretty sure she liked it. (lol) We even took selfies afterwards so...took a risk and went out well. Though i am not satisfied on the rest of the hanggout..


All sounds great to me. Don't beat yourself up about it, man. You still pushed out of comfort zone, so it's a win. Next time you can take it a little further.


----------



## Zeeshan

Epic thread is still Epic


----------



## Barette

Elad said:


> but what are you doing to find a msmilleniumwoman75, surely your kate is out there somewhere
> 
> need to saddle you up and ride that tinder train, swipe swipe swipe until you meet your tinderella, slip er into those SASsy glass slippers and do the no pants dance until the clock strikes midnight when she has to run off take her daily pill
> 
> could be something magical, or at least you thought, until you find out that tinderella was herpeella, her devilish sister in disguise, and you're not even her most snapped on snapchat, its some guy called charlie who may or may not own a creepy chocolate factory where he enslaves a family of midgets, forcing them to inbreed and creature more workers, everyone forced to get tacky spraytans and wear the same clothes so to keep them in line psychologically, when one shows signs of dissent he gets fished out of the chocolate river face down the next morning
> 
> but yeah you find out that same glass slipper has been worn by many other suitors, the rage consumes you, you smash her in the ear with it killing her
> 
> in your panic you prop up her corpse and pretend everything is fine, asking her to make you a sandwich and tossing her on the kitchen floor, when it hits you, it isnt going to be ok and you're most likely ****ed
> 
> once the blood is scrubbed and you've cut up and ate her clothes(perfect crime) you reflect on your life and why you even wanted women in your life in the first place
> 
> you get 25 to life after pleading insanity, jury didnt buy it until you revealed your sas account, then it was just a matter of time
> 
> spend your daily internet breaking through the firewall to post negative generalized frustration threads about women on sas and reddit, your only salvation being your soap is on a rope
> 
> its a slippery slope bro


ahahahahahaha that was fantastic


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> so a few hours ago my friend called to tell me he is at my gate. I came out and he was standing with the girl. They bumped into each other and so my friend tried to surprise me. I got some chairs and sat for a bit. The conversation was kind of dominated by my friend and her ( my friend is super extrovert, an energy filled guy) so I kind of disappeared for a while. Felt like my communication with the girl wasn't too much at first. At the same time my little nephew was so distracting and I didn't feel free. Felt like I was a third wheel. So I was just there lamely sitting next to her and my friend being the center of attention in a way. He told her he has a girlfriend and they went on and on about the topic too while i was just browsing her phone. I just wanted to feel closer to her or atleast feel comfortable touching her, so I decided to just do something before I regret my day completely. I acted a bit tired and took her bag from her and put it on my lap, put my head on her lap and scrolled through her phone LOOL. She was like "no what if ur mom sees this" I told myself that I wont back down lol. ( i was a bit nervous doing this but I did it) lol.
> 
> Anyway when it was time to go, my buddy gave her this big hug and after walking her, I gave her my only hug of the day and it was all bull****. sigh ...Felt inferior and distracted today, low energy. I couldnt make a move infront of him. He was like "okay man give her a kiss on the cheek ,come on man!" I kind of chickened out. ( I can't do such moves in front of people, I get all nervous and ish,,I regret not even trying) She looked so gorgeous today, I didn't even compliment her, well....my friend did ! **** This was a losing game for me... I don't know how this reflects of me to her. Feel like ****. I ****ing failed my hug again. Stupid 1second ****...skew ****ing angle,,...I should have just stood there straight up and hugged her,,,but I felt ****ty............kcjadbcakjdb


What makes him any better than you man?

*****ING NOTHING!

That's what.

_*You*_ can make this girl happy. She wanted to see _*you*_, otherwise she wouldn't have come to _*your*_ house.

Tell yourself that you're the sh*t. Have confidence.

She's lucky to be with you!

Come on bro. ***** negative vibes! Get pumped! 

Don't force conversation if it's not there man, but you have to find it in yourself to make this chick laugh. You seem like a pretty funny guy.

Make it happen man.


----------



## Elad

millenniumman75 said:


> She will be known as MillenniumMa'am :lol.
> She's out there.
> 
> "I just haven't met her yet" - to quote Michael Bublé.


shes out there with an italian accent rolling pizza dough into shapes, just waiting for you to be the man they belong to



photorealisticotakuman said:


> well yeah, We were close enough.We were at my house. She let me, she knew I was tired because my lil nephew was troublesome (but in relity was also bored that my buddy didnt give me a chance) . I just used it as an excuse, so it wasn't awkward. The way she said "what if ur mom see this" wasn't serious. She let me for a while.
> 
> Thing is, my friend was all high energy, and was the only one standing up doing talking most of the time, while I was sitting next to her. Anyway, it was my first time doing this, and she isn't a random girl.
> 
> yeah, im pretty sure she liked it. (lol) We even took selfies afterwards so...took a risk and went out well. Though i am not satisfied on the rest of the hanggout..


threes a crowd

really need to spend time with her one on one, your friend is killing you



Barette said:


> ahahahahahaha that was fantastic


----------



## baloff17

I went to a bar last night by myself. It was the first time I've ever done that, except for going to some sports bar to see a pay-per-view or something. I had on some of my sharpest clothes, ordered some mescal, and put a friendly & approachable expression on my face. I told myself that if any woman gave me a smile or even eye contact, I would go over and talk to her.

Well, it didn't happen. I think I went too early in the evening because the place was really dead - not too many women there at all. Even the bartender was a dude, ha ha. Anyway, I figure the important thing is that my confidence was high the whole time, and I really felt like I could have done something if the opportunity arose.

Tonight I'm going to try it again with a different bar. I think these weeknight experiments will be good practice for going on a weekend night, when I *know* the bars will all be crowded. I'm shooting for this Saturday.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

rymo said:


> All sounds great to me. Don't beat yourself up about it, man. You still pushed out of comfort zone, so it's a win. Next time you can take it a little further.


Thanks rymo, i felt drained from over-thinking that day. Honestly, if i look back I'd say it wasn't bad too. I wish we could go to an amusement park ride because physical contact becomes way easier there hahaha. I'd be taking it further that way



laagamer said:


> What makes him any better than you man?
> 
> *****ING NOTHING!
> 
> That's what.
> 
> _*You*_ can make this girl happy. She wanted to see _*you*_, otherwise she wouldn't have come to _*your*_ house.
> 
> Tell yourself that you're the sh*t. Have confidence.
> 
> She's lucky to be with you!
> 
> Come on bro. ***** negative vibes! Get pumped!
> 
> Don't force conversation if it's not there man, but you have to find it in yourself to make this chick laugh. You seem like a pretty funny guy.
> 
> Make it happen man.


hehe yo laagame, yeah I thought she was comparing me to her,,meanwhile I was the one doing all the comparisons. Honestly i still think there's a chance she likes me because after we hugged and went our separate ways, I walked a few metres(feet whatever haha)and looked back and caught her looking back too and turned away quick.

As for me being funny I don think so hehehe. I sometimes make her laugh though. But I want to stop second guessing myself and just say what I want all the time. ( when we were taking selfies she was pouting right next to my cheek almost touching, **** ahaha I had so many ideas but did nothing)

anyway, I am not giving up man!!!



Elad said:


> threes a crowd
> 
> really need to spend time with her one on one, your friend is killing you


yeah Elad. I think he was planning to break the ice and give us an opportunity to connect, but he freaking killed me there. Anyway I shouldn't have even expected much to happen then since I act a bit more reserved when I have more people around.


----------



## blue2

Nothing i suppose I could try something ..but i'll do it tomorrow


----------



## baloff17

Went to a bar again by myself last night. That's two nights in a row... Woo hoo! I'm totally killing it.

This place was a little more crowded than the last one, with more women there... but still nothing happened. Or I didn't make anything happen, I guess I should say. I just felt kind of invisible the whole time I was there (30 or 40 minutes).

Still, the more I do this the more I feel like I'm getting my confidence level up. My plan to go out to a full-on singles type bar by this weekend is still on schedule. I'm not even concerned about what happens when I do, either. If I'm totally ignored and not a single woman looks my way the entire evening, at least I can say I did _something. _Beats staying home on a Saturday night.


----------



## Elad

went to the mall today and stared at the back of this girls head

she looked real good from behind so i threw a pen lid at her


----------



## h00dz

Elad said:


> went to the mall today and stared at the back of this girls head
> 
> she looked real good from behind so i threw a pen lid at her


Wow, I told my gf this and she was smitten. I threw a pen at her lid too and she just melted after that.. pen lids get the sexy girls


----------



## Elad

h00dz said:


> Wow, I told my gf this and she was smitten. I threw a pen at her lid too and she just melted after that.. pen lids get the sexy girls


so smooth r-dawg, so smooth

makes me wish i was laying on a couch wearing whatever wrapped around a gf on a friday night

instead of, you know, watching the voice and eating pizza alone while the couple upstairs argue in chinese

this is getting too real

we outchea


----------



## millenniumman75

h00dz said:


> Wow, I told my gf this and she was smitten. I threw a pen at her lid too and she just melted after that.. pen lids get the sexy girls





Elad said:


> so smooth r-dawg, so smooth
> 
> makes me wish i was laying on a couch wearing whatever wrapped around a gf on a friday night
> 
> instead of, you know, watching the voice and eating pizza alone while the couple upstairs argue in chinese
> 
> this is getting too real
> 
> we outchea


Is that how they do it Down Under? :lol


----------



## Elad

millenniumman75 said:


> Is that how they do it Down Under? :lol


i dont know about those steve irwins but round here suitors offer the family sheep

depending on wool quality, age and cuteness you get to take a fair maiden out to the $2 shop for anything her heart desires, then its on to the supermarket for some milo, nutrigrain and a p-money or scribe cd

next is to videoezy to rent teenage mutant ninja turtles (BLU-RAY) before a couple of one dollar frozen cokes from the burgerking next door

drive or tandem bicycle back home to put on some sweatpants and thermals, watch the chaser and then the 6pm news (ONE new) while eating previously bought milo and nutri (milk optional)

turn off the lights, close all curtains and start watching those turtles lead by a giant talking rat do ninja things, head to the bedroom to seal the union

climb into bed and eat pineapple lumps together on your biomag woolrest underlay before ferociously fingering her bellybutton with a breakfast sausage (beef flavored) playing pmoney/scribe cd in background


----------



## rymo

baloff17 said:


> Went to a bar again by myself last night. That's two nights in a row... Woo hoo! I'm totally killing it.
> 
> This place was a little more crowded than the last one, with more women there... but still nothing happened. Or I didn't make anything happen, I guess I should say. I just felt kind of invisible the whole time I was there (30 or 40 minutes).
> 
> Still, the more I do this the more I feel like I'm getting my confidence level up. My plan to go out to a full-on singles type bar by this weekend is still on schedule. I'm not even concerned about what happens when I do, either. If I'm totally ignored and not a single woman looks my way the entire evening, at least I can say I did _something. _Beats staying home on a Saturday night.


Congrats dude! Great attitude. Keep up it. Just remember that you'll probably never feel "ready" to just up and talk to someone...it's not a feeling that necessarily just comes to someone. Even for the most experienced guys, there's always that bit of fear that comes up when thinking about approaching. Point is, at some point you will have to push past some kind of fear or anxiety and just go for it! Either way though, it's excellent that you are taking each step as its own goal and feeling good about it.


----------



## baloff17

Thanks rymo! I appreciate it. Believe it or not I actually read (or at least skimmed) through most of this thread before I started posting and I noticed you are always giving people encouragement and good advice. I think that's awesome.

Last night I didn't go to a bar but I'm planning to go again tonight and on Saturday night. 

And oh yeah, I gave a couple of compliments yesterday to two different women in the space of about five minutes. The things I said weren't sexual or aggressive at all, they were just honest compliments about their appearance that popped into my head and instead of stifling the impulse to speak I just went with it. I was feeling confident and relaxed and so the words just came out naturally.

I've been fixated on the bar thing lately but I really do believe with the right attitude and confidence you can meet women anywhere. I'm looking at every time I step outside the building where I work (I'm in the SF Financial District so there are always tons of women around), it's an opportunity for me to make little connections, even if it's just a smile or a compliment. I've been on a roll lately and I plan to ride this for as long as possible.


----------



## rymo

baloff17 said:


> Thanks rymo! I appreciate it. Believe it or not I actually read (or at least skimmed) through most of this thread before I started posting and I noticed you are always giving people encouragement and good advice. I think that's awesome.
> 
> Last night I didn't go to a bar but I'm planning to go again tonight and on Saturday night.
> 
> And oh yeah, I gave a couple of compliments yesterday to two different women in the space of about five minutes. The things I said weren't sexual or aggressive at all, they were just honest compliments about their appearance that popped into my head and instead of stifling the impulse to speak I just went with it. I was feeling confident and relaxed and so the words just came out naturally.
> 
> I've been fixated on the bar thing lately but I really do believe with the right attitude and confidence you can meet women anywhere. I'm looking at every time I step outside the building where I work (I'm in the SF Financial District so there are always tons of women around), it's an opportunity for me to make little connections, even if it's just a smile or a compliment. I've been on a roll lately and I plan to ride this for as long as possible.


That is frickin awesome man. If every guy here had that kind of attitude, women problems would be a thing of the past. Alas, SA and all that :b Definitely takes work, but keep it up dude it'll pay off.

And christ...I cringe thinking about the stuff I must have said early in this thread haha... over 2 years ago...wow. Yeh I was pretty noob back then xD


----------



## Brandeezy

So in these past two days&#8230;..

- Ive been ignored by this new girl from work who I was carpooling with to a training class with 2 other co workers. She kept talking to the other 2 guys in the car and ignored me so i called in sick yesterday and missed the class and won't pass (which i didn't need and my boss signed me up without my knowledge smh).

- Also I've been texting this girl from Tinder for a couple days and then she asked me if I drive. I told her no and told her the reason why. She hasn't responded since and that was 12+ hrs ago.

I call this chapter in my life *The Phantom Pain*


----------



## jsmith92

I think there is a girl in my class that likes me. I'm talking to her Monday come hell or high water. Enough of this chickening bull****.


----------



## Sourdog

Things have changed for me in the past 2 weeks with this girl I met at a party. We went on a date and it went really well, but now I keep thinking i'm gonna screw this up somehow. It seems that once something good happens to me I think its too good to be true and its not going to last.


----------



## jsmith92

I screwed up with the girl I thought liked me. If anyone wants to hear the story PM me.


----------



## Brandeezy

jsmith92 said:


> I screwed up with the girl I thought liked me. If anyone wants to hear the story PM me.


Pm me


----------



## Sourdog

jsmith92 said:


> I screwed up with the girl I thought liked me. If anyone wants to hear the story PM me.


 PM me


----------



## Cyclonic

Yikes.... Just noticed it's been over a year since I last received a massage on OKCupid. Not like I'm inactive either, I check it multiple times a day and I update my profile/answer questions fairly often.


----------



## baloff17

After going to bars three nights last week I finally graduated to the big leagues! I went to a crowded bar on a Saturday night by myself. I think the practice I did in the week leading up to it helped me not feel self-conscious about it... even though as far as I could tell I was the *only* person in the place who wasn't there with at least one other person. Still, I never got that "everybody's looking at me and thinks I'm a loser" feeling. So that was good.

On the other hand, I don't think *anybody* looked at me at all. I felt pretty much invisible the whole time I was there (which wasn't long... maybe 45 minutes). I told myself going in to not expect anything out of the experience, that just doing it was the important part. But deep down I must have expected something after all. A glance, a smile... something.

So on the way home that night and all day Sunday I had to fight to keep my optimism and confidence from plummeting. I had some success in that, but I'm still definitely not on the positive high I was earlier in the week. Again, I think I was expecting too much reward out of the minimal effort I made to put myself out there.

Anyway, I think I'm going to take a "two pronged attack" strategy to getting dates from now on.

On the one hand I'm going to continue to go to bars and coffee shops and book stores and museums by myself, keep my attitude friendly and approachable, and always be ready to strike up a conversation with any woman who I think is attractive and that seems receptive. I'll give compliments when I feel like it, and just be open and ready to meet women anywhere I go.

And on the other hand, I think I do need to play the "long game" and get my life in order. Take some more classes, join some more meetups, try to make some new friends, with the goal of finding a new group of people I can do things with. I also need to follow my interests more (like playing guitar and doing martial arts), not keep "reserving space" in my life for dating, since that seems to keep me from committing to anything not specifically dating-related.

If I had to stick to just one of those two strategies, I think I'd go crazy with frustration. But maybe trying both at the same time will be my ticket to success.


----------



## jsmith92

Sourdog said:


> PM me





Brandeezy said:


> Pm me


I PM'ed both of you guys


----------



## villadb

Madax said:


> Yikes.... Just noticed it's been over a year since I last received a massage on OKCupid. Not like I'm inactive either, I check it multiple times a day and I update my profile/answer questions fairly often.


I was like that but suddenly this last week or so I've had a few different random girls message me. It's just I'm almost terrified to answer back :|


----------



## Brandeezy

jsmith92 said:


> I PM'ed both of you guys


Didn't sound that bad imo. It's happened to me before though on Myspace back in the day. I would get pressured into messaging a school crush, she wouldn't respond and then I would have to see her at school and deal with the awkwardness. I actually got a date the last time i did it on FB but that was last year and she's since deleted me from her friend's list. She also quit responding to my messages after a while. I don't care anymore since I rarely do it


----------



## jsmith92

Yep. I was lucky and she said nothing to me about it. Praise the lord. Maybe she believed it. Who knows. I feel very stupid now anyways about this whole thing.


----------



## laagamer

She got her phone back today.

Told me she cancelled it after she thought I didn't want to see her anymore. (Creepy much)

Now that we're seeing each other again, she re-activates it.

I guess that makes things easier :b


----------



## Elad

photorealisticotakuman said:


> yeah Elad. I think he was planning to break the ice and give us an opportunity to connect, but he freaking killed me there. Anyway I shouldn't have even expected much to happen then since I act a bit more reserved when I have more people around.


status updates? i'm rooting for you man, but even if it doesn't work out i hope you keep your head straight. on to the next one.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

I retired in dating.


----------



## tumerking

"What are you doing to get a girl?"

I don't know if this counts, but I started going back to therapy last week and I'm really serious about it this time. 

Baby steps.


----------



## Noll

I try to make conversation with this one girl who often greets me, but right now I feel like opportunities are too slight, and whenever she is with her friends I am simply too shy to go up and talk to her. I was feeling really down this whole day in school, and I didn't see her anything. As I left school I saw her sitting with her friends, that's when she smiled at me but seeing as how I can't smile I just looked at her and walked out the door. Now I feel bad because that probably made a bad impression, but what can I do really? Nothing. I can only pray that she understands, and that she is somehow interested in me. Tomorrow is another day, right? But I've been so depressed as of late, and it feels so incredibly sad, this whole love thing.


----------



## SGI

Sourdog said:


> Things have changed for me in the past 2 weeks with this girl I met at a party. We went on a date and it went really well, but now I keep thinking i'm gonna screw this up somehow. It seems that once something good happens to me I think its too good to be true and its not going to last.


Just try and keep your cool  It's going well so far!! If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There will be other parties.


----------



## SGI

Noll said:


> I try to make conversation with this one girl who often greets me, but right now I feel like opportunities are too slight, and whenever she is with her friends I am simply too shy to go up and talk to her. I was feeling really down this whole day in school, and I didn't see her anything. *As I left school I saw her sitting with her friends, that's when she smiled at me but seeing as how I can't smile I just looked at her and walked out the door.* Now I feel bad because that probably made a bad impression, but what can I do really? Nothing. I can only pray that she understands, and that she is somehow interested in me. Tomorrow is another day, right? But I've been so depressed as of late, and it feels so incredibly sad, this whole love thing.


You're thinking about it a bit much! But next time, head tilt up and slight eyebrow raise as you go past. Works wonders 

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for my depression, having had it for the best couple of years. PM me if you'd like, I'd be happy to talk.


----------



## jsmith92

Brandeezy said:


> Didn't sound that bad imo. It's happened to me before though on Myspace back in the day. I would get pressured into messaging a school crush, she wouldn't respond and then I would have to see her at school and deal with the awkwardness. I actually got a date the last time i did it on FB but that was last year and she's since deleted me from her friend's list. She also quit responding to my messages after a while. I don't care anymore since I rarely do it


It was horrible. I feel like ****. Everything is going wrong in my life for some reason. I don't get it at all.


----------



## Sourdog

My second date ended up going pretty well I think. I'm going out with her again tonight to bowl, but her sister who apparently is crazy and her friends (who are also crazy) are coming along too. Ugh I don't do well in groups, this nights going to be hell.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

what am I doing to reject a girl. Now thats whats been bothering i had to let down a girl that wanted to meet up with me but I wasnt romantically interested in. I feel awful but it was a damn if you do damn if you dont. lose lose situation. ugh


----------



## jsmith92

Why must the opposite sex be so confusing to me?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Elad said:


> status updates? i'm rooting for you man, but even if it doesn't work out i hope you keep your head straight. on to the next one.


thanks Elad. Been busy, the girl told me she will be off her phone till like the 10 october, since she is writin exams. I havetold her we will chill at my house and get some pizza after her exams, which she thougt was cool. Well currently i dont feel good though, i have realized i initiate every single thing we do, the calling, chatting, the meetings.. Once i told her to call me the following day and she said "ok i'll do that when i have airtime" she calls after two days, but actually she calls to help out some friend of hers (favor). It does piss me off that i am forcing myself out my comfort zones to get things moving, meanwhile she likes the attention and responds but never initiates. I never even call my friends or family and she gets the special attention i give her and doesnt think of initiating once. I remember calling her on her birthday in april, she told me she will call me on my birthday too. Last sunday she never called...i put a nice "whatsapp " status thanking people for my birthday, she was online and still said nothing. Havent talked or texted since last week friday. I think she is a really nice girl, but she liked me years ago when i didn't even notice her, now she is just playing mind games when i actually start liking her. I think she doesnt believe i like her so she is messing with me. I dont want to give my whole self to her if i wont have her for me. (damn, didnt know i was gonna ramble on and on so much.) (gonna ignore her abit)


----------



## knightofdespair

I'm going to put some shoes at the bottom of a hole and see if I can catch one..


----------



## Elad

photorealisticotakuman said:


> thanks Elad. Been busy, the girl told me she will be off her phone till like the 10 october, since she is writin exams. I havetold her we will chill at my house and get some pizza after her exams, which she thougt was cool. Well currently i dont feel good though, i have realized i initiate every single thing we do, the calling, chatting, the meetings.. Once i told her to call me the following day and she said "ok i'll do that when i have airtime" she calls after two days, but actually she calls to help out some friend of hers (favor). It does piss me off that i am forcing myself out my comfort zones to get things moving, meanwhile she likes the attention and responds but never initiates. I never even call my friends or family and she gets the special attention i give her and doesnt think of initiating once. I remember calling her on her birthday in april, she told me she will call me on my birthday too. Last sunday she never called...i put a nice "whatsapp " status thanking people for my birthday, she was online and still said nothing. Havent talked or texted since last week friday. I think she is a really nice girl, but she liked me years ago when i didn't even notice her, now she is just playing mind games when i actually start liking her. I think she doesnt believe i like her so she is messing with me. I dont want to give my whole self to her if i wont have her for me. (damn, didnt know i was gonna ramble on and on so much.) (gonna ignore her abit)


way to be

yeah, it doesn't sound good if shes never initiating, i think going with no contact is your best course of action, if shes interested in you she will initiate at least something

its good you don't have your head in the clouds though, you can see the dynamic clearly and whats wrong with it for you

just how close are you to this girl? do you see her very often or go to the same places? is she really reserved or quite open about things? if after a certain amount of time of hearing nothing shes still on your mind maybe just cut the bull**** and be upfront, might be a little cringeworthy but at least straightforwardness gets you somewhere, and if you dont really see each other often anyway theres not a lot of risk


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> thanks Elad. Been busy, the girl told me she will be off her phone till like the 10 october, since she is writin exams. I havetold her we will chill at my house and get some pizza after her exams, which she thougt was cool. Well currently i dont feel good though, i have realized i initiate every single thing we do, the calling, chatting, the meetings.. Once i told her to call me the following day and she said "ok i'll do that when i have airtime" she calls after two days, but actually she calls to help out some friend of hers (favor). It does piss me off that i am forcing myself out my comfort zones to get things moving, meanwhile she likes the attention and responds but never initiates. I never even call my friends or family and she gets the special attention i give her and doesnt think of initiating once. I remember calling her on her birthday in april, she told me she will call me on my birthday too. Last sunday she never called...i put a nice "whatsapp " status thanking people for my birthday, she was online and still said nothing. Havent talked or texted since last week friday. I think she is a really nice girl, but she liked me years ago when i didn't even notice her, now she is just playing mind games when i actually start liking her. I think she doesnt believe i like her so she is messing with me. I dont want to give my whole self to her if i wont have her for me. (damn, didnt know i was gonna ramble on and on so much.) (gonna ignore her abit)


Do you want her or not?

Simple decision man.

The pursuit should be worth the prize.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Elad said:


> way to be
> 
> yeah, it doesn't sound good if shes never initiating, i think going with no contact is your best course of action, if shes interested in you she will initiate at least something
> 
> its good you don't have your head in the clouds though, you can see the dynamic clearly and whats wrong with it for you
> 
> just how close are you to this girl? do you see her very often or go to the same places? is she really reserved or quite open about things? if after a certain amount of time of hearing nothing shes still on your mind maybe just cut the bull**** and be upfront, might be a little cringeworthy but at least straightforwardness gets you somewhere, and if you dont really see each other often anyway theres not a lot of risk


Yeah i kniw her from like primary/ elementary. She was in my class and liked me, i heard from her friends last year that she still liked me. So yeah we also live near eachother. Just that we are in undergraduates in different varsities. She is talkative when we see each other, but i still sense she is shy just like how i am to initiate. All the time i hear from different people about how she likes me , yet i never heard it from her (except this onetime in eementary when i got some love letters and the colouring looked like her doing) lol. when i first contacted her this year, i was still the only initiater, so maybe thats how she likes it. Maybe i can't expect her to initiate because she has waited very long?? I should atleast gove the pizza hangout a try because maybe she is just too shy to initiate.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Do you want her or not?
> 
> Simple decision man.
> 
> The pursuit should be worth the prize.


I do want her. Though i dont want her to take me for granted and think im hooked to her. She never did initiate from the onset, but only lately i feel like i am the only one giving her attention and she is just taking it. It doesnt make me feel that wanted or assured of my efforts. I suppose there is no way to feel assured.

i think i am still gonna meet her after exams, i like her. I should stop *****ing and just wait a bit for her . 
Laagamer,how have u been man?


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I do want her. Though i dont want her to take me for granted and think im hooked to her. She never did initiate from the onset, but only lately i feel like i am the only one giving her attention and she is just taking it. It doesnt make me feel that wanted or assured of my efforts. I suppose there is no way to feel assured.
> 
> i think i am still gonna meet her after exams, i like her. I should stop *****ing and just wait a bit for her .
> Laagamer,how have u been man?


That's what I want to hear. :clap

Enjoy the ride my friend! Else what's the damn point? Some women just like to be chased after, and as a man, I've come to enjoy chasing after them in return. 

Focus on passing your exams. It'll take your mind off things. Help with the frustration maybe...or you could say ***** it and ask her to help you study :yes

And I've been good dude. Sorry I haven't been on much. Busy with school and her.

LatinPrincess got her phone back. We saw each other a couple times last week. She told me she cancelled her phone originally when she thought I didn't want to see her anymore. Now that we're back "together", she re-activates it.

I find that creepy but whatever. At least I hear her voice everyday now :sus

Steady progression of "things"...yet to "seal the deal" though :b She acts more and more clingy every time I see her.

I'll be honest, I'm rightly enjoying myself. :teeth

And happy birthday btw! Did she call you?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> That's what I want to hear. :clap
> 
> Enjoy the ride my friend! Else what's the damn point? Some women just like to be chased after, and as a man, I've come to enjoy chasing after them in return.
> 
> Focus on passing your exams. It'll take your mind off things. Help with the frustration maybe...or you could say ***** it and ask her to help you study :yes
> 
> And I've been good dude. Sorry I haven't been on much. Busy with school and her.
> 
> LatinPrincess got her phone back. We saw each other a couple times last week. She told me she cancelled her phone originally when she thought I didn't want to see her anymore. Now that we're back "together", she re-activates it.
> 
> I find that creepy but whatever. At least I hear her voice everyday now :sus
> 
> Steady progression of "things"...yet to "seal the deal" though :b She acts more and more clingy every time I see her.
> 
> I'll be honest, I'm rightly enjoying myself. :teeth
> 
> And happy birthday btw! Did she call you?


thanks man, and nope she didn't call. That's why i didn't feel so good about her and i anymore. I think she might have been busy during that time and truly forgot about it. I havent spoken or texted her for like a week and a half now. I really want to reasses the way i talk to her. I must focus on quality of our hangouts, minimize the small talk fillers and make her talk more about relationships, instead of the quantity of our meets. I want to give her time to think about me. When i see her, she seems interested and talks more, but shy to do anything other than talk.

right now you are living it man haha. I just wonder how you got her to be clingy. Do You talk with her everyday? 
Im rooting for you. Btw, is that the chick that wanted sex only? If so, are you intending to make her your girlfriend?


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> thanks man, and nope she didn't call. That's why i didn't feel so good about her and i anymore. I think she might have been busy during that time and truly forgot about it. I havent spoken or texted her for like a week and a half now. I really want to reasses the way i talk to her. I must focus on quality of our hangouts, minimize the small talk fillers and make her talk more about relationships, instead of the quantity of our meets. I want to give her time to think about me. When i see her, she seems interested and talks more, but shy to do anything other than talk.
> 
> right now you are living it man haha. I just wonder how you got her to be clingy. Do You talk with her everyday?
> Im rooting for you. Btw, is that the chick that wanted sex only? If so, are you intending to make her your girlfriend?


Yup. Same girl.

She asked me today why I won't just let her "violate" me.

Never thought I'd have a woman say that to me :blank

I talk to her on the phone every day.

I text her good night every night. I no longer care whether or not it bothers her. I want her to know that I'm thinking about her and I'm going to do it until she tells me to stop. :b

She's _going_ to be my GF. I *have* fallen in love with her. She's a good person. She just doesn't realize it yet.

I've spent 22 *****ing years of my life waiting for this girl and she's not getting away from me.

I can tell you right now, it may seem "cool" to ignore a girl, but not contacting your girl for 2 weeks makes you look uninterested. It just masks your uncertainty about he the situation. It certainly doesn't make her feel special. :|

Hit her up bro. What's the worst that happens? So what if she doesn't respond. You're not talking now.

Make it *****ing happen champ. If there's one thing I've discovered in all this, 20 seconds of pure courage can make the difference of a lifetime.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Yup. Same girl.
> 
> She asked me today why I won't just let her "violate" me.
> 
> Never thought I'd have a woman say that to me :blank
> 
> I talk to her on the phone every day.
> 
> I text her good night every night. I no longer care whether or not it bothers her. I want her to know that I'm thinking about her and I'm going to do it until she tells me to stop. :b
> 
> She's _going_ to be my GF. I *have* fallen in love with her. She's a good person. She just doesn't realize it yet.
> 
> I've spent 22 *****ing years of my life waiting for this girl and she's not getting away from me.
> 
> I can tell you right now, it may seem "cool" to ignore a girl, but not contacting your girl for 2 weeks makes you look uninterested. It just masks your uncertainty about he the situation. It certainly doesn't make her feel special. :|
> 
> Hit her up bro. What's the worst that happens? So what if she doesn't respond. You're not talking now.
> 
> Make it *****ing happen champ. If there's one thing I've discovered in all this, 20 seconds of pure courage can make the difference of a lifetime.


damn, u are definetely right man. I am conflicting myself, wanting to contact her and at the same time thinking i might be too available if i were to do so. Not contacting her really does creates more issues and doesnt necessarily help "steer" me towards her heart. I shouldn't really be thinking hard here, and im such an overthinker. I wanna call her tomorrow, and just check how she has been,,and see if our hangout is still on or not.

Man, you are going to succeed as long as yout attitude remains like this. Its really great that you talk to her when you like. As for her "violating" you hahaha. Yeah i have never heard anything like that. But yeah its great that you dont stop yourself from contacting her when you feel like it. If she doesnt want to be contacted she will tell you, instead of having to assume and creating uncertainty in you life. I guess for me it felt like its too good to be true that she keeps accepting plans to meet up with me or is responsive, since she just never initiates. I must create certainty in my life and stop the "girls are difficult" BS. I should probably stop reading "pick up artist" articles for help too because they kind of look at girls as figures.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> damn, u are definetely right man. I am conflicting myself, wanting to contact her and at the same time thinking i might be too available if i were to do so. Not contacting her really does creates more issues and doesnt necessarily help "steer" me towards her heart. I shouldn't really be thinking hard here, and im such an overthinker. I wanna call her tomorrow, and just check how she has been,,and see if our hangout is still on or not.
> 
> Man, you are going to succeed as long as yout attitude remains like this. Its really great that you talk to her when you like. As for her "violating" you hahaha. Yeah i have never heard anything like that. But yeah its great that you dont stop yourself from contacting her when you feel like it. If she doesnt want to be contacted she will tell you, instead of having to assume and creating uncertainty in you life. I guess for me it felt like its too good to be true that she keeps accepting plans to meet up with me or is responsive, since she just never initiates. I must create certainty in my life and stop the "girls are difficult" BS. I should probably stop reading "pick up artist" articles for help too because they kind of look at girls as figures.


Do your thing. Personally, I think pick up artist jargon is BS. I'm my own man. I don't need some douchebag that treats women as strictly sex objects telling me what to say.

I'm not saying it will work. All I'm saying is that you *should* contact her. Nothing will happen if you don't. :|

As for my girl bro, we'll see. 

EDIT: Apparently she wants to study for a class at my place tonight. And now I'm nervous. :b

EDIT 2: She told me she loves me! Said she "regrets saying what she did to me before"! Holy **** dude...she love me! :clap:clap:clap:b:clap:clap:clap

I don't think my feet have touched the ground in the last hour...


----------



## jsmith92

laagamer said:


> Do your thing. Personally, I think pick up artist jargon is BS. I'm my own man. I don't need some douchebag that treats women as strictly sex objects telling me what to say.
> 
> I'm not saying it will work. All I'm saying is that you *should* contact her. Nothing will happen if you don't. :|
> 
> As for my girl bro, we'll see.
> 
> EDIT: Apparently she wants to study for a class at my place tonight. And now I'm nervous. :b


Pickup artist **** doesn't work. It doesn't get you anywhere.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Pickup artist **** doesn't work. It doesn't get you anywhere.


Actually it does, but there are two types. The old version, which is all about manipulation, and the new school, which is about being yourself and pushing your comfort zone and being honest with women about your intentions. Certainly nothing wrong with the latter.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Do your thing. Personally, I think pick up artist jargon is BS. I'm my own man. I don't need some douchebag that treats women as strictly sex objects telling me what to say.
> 
> I'm not saying it will work. All I'm saying is that you *should* contact her. Nothing will happen if you don't. :|
> 
> As for my girl bro, we'll see.
> 
> EDIT: Apparently she wants to study for a class at my place tonight. And now I'm nervous. :b
> 
> EDIT 2: She told me she loves me! Said she "regrets saying what she did to me before"! Holy **** dude...she love me!
> 
> I don't think my feet have touched the ground in the last hour...


damn man! you won't believe how many times I tried replying to this with my phone and not being successful!! Everything I typed never went through!!

ANYWAY: THIS is just AWESOME news man hahaha!!!! I got this huge smile on my face just from reading this!!
I feel like I was watching a movie and rooting for the protagonist to get the girl lol! Only this is reality :clap:clap:boogie:boogie

Congrats buddy! you totally deserve this man hahahahahaha  !! lol. I wonder how did you react from her telling you this.!! were you shocked-->  lol


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Do women actually message back guys on dating sites? I thought that was a myth.


----------



## jsmith92

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Do women actually message back guys on dating sites? I thought that was a myth.


No they just look at the messages and don't reply. It's the same thing with Facebook or text messages in highschool.


----------



## Darktower776

Pretty much nothing right now.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> damn man! you won't believe how many times I tried replying to this with my phone and not being successful!! Everything I typed never went through!!
> 
> ANYWAY: THIS is just AWESOME news man hahaha!!!! I got this huge smile on my face just from reading this!!
> I feel like I was watching a movie and rooting for the protagonist to get the girl lol! Only this is reality :clap:clap:boogie:boogie
> 
> Congrats buddy! you totally deserve this man hahahahahaha  !! lol. I wonder how did you react from her telling you this.!! were you shocked-->  lol


Thanks man! I still can't believe it.

And it made me sublimely happy :clap I just kissed her and blurted out that I loved her too lol

I honestly think she wanted this all along, but tried to taper expectations until she discovered whether or not I was truly genuine. That's what the whole "lets just be sex friends" thing was. Steady progression of passion on both our parts every time we see each other. But now we both want to wait for the right moment. We want it to be special.

I've been dating her for 4 months now. If I just wanted some azz, you'd think I'd have moved on already. 

Down side: She now wants me to quit smoking. :sus I love smoking.

I'll keep you posted.

So what's up on your end man? Any contact?


----------



## jsmith92

laagamer said:


> Thanks man! I still can't believe it.
> 
> And it made me sublimely happy :clap I just kissed her and blurted out that I loved her too lol
> 
> I honestly think she wanted this all along, but tried to taper expectations until she discovered whether or not I was truly genuine. That's what the whole "lets just be sex friends" thing was. Steady progression of passion on both our parts every time we see each other. But now we both want to wait for the right moment. We want it to be special.
> 
> I've been dating her for 4 months now. If I just wanted some azz, you'd think I'd have moved on already.
> 
> Down side: She now wants me to quit smoking. :sus I love smoking.
> 
> I'll keep you posted.
> 
> So what's up on your end man? Any contact?


You are one lucky SOB. Quit smoking if you want her to stay. Otherwise keep on doing it. Your choice. But yeah you are lucky as hell.


----------



## laagamer

jsmith92 said:


> You are one lucky SOB. Quit smoking if you want her to stay. Otherwise keep on doing it. Your choice. But yeah you are lucky as hell.


Well I figure that if I'm smart, I'd quit eventually.

Why not now?

And at least I have a good looking reason. :b


----------



## Putin

I tried online dating again. After sending dozens of messages to dozen of girls without receiving a single response back, I decided f**k it and deleted my accounts.


----------



## jsmith92

laagamer said:


> Well I figure that if I'm smart, I'd quit eventually.
> 
> Why not now?
> 
> And at least I have a good looking reason. :b


I kind of want to punch you right now but at the same time I'm happy for you...this is conflicting. I am very jealous indeed.


----------



## jsmith92

Putin said:


> I tried online dating again. After sending dozens of messages to dozen of girls without receiving a single response back, I decided f**k it and deleted my accounts.


Same thing in high school and real life. They read your messages but don't reply.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

rymo said:


> Actually it does, but there are two types. The old version, which is all about manipulation, and the new school, which is about being yourself and pushing your comfort zone and being honest with women about your intentions. Certainly nothing wrong with the latter.


I believe all of these PUA/dating advice videos pertain only to the non-SAD guy; they're pretty much useless, at least to me. Not saying they're bad advice though.


----------



## rymo

Bert Reynolds said:


> I believe all of these PUA/dating advice videos pertain only to the non-SAD guy; they're pretty much useless, at least to me. Not saying they're bad advice though.


If you choose not to define yourself by your SA and believe that you can overcome it, then it's valuable. If you truly believe that you can never be outgoing and you don't thinkyou can push your boundaries and grow into a person without SA, then no, it wouldn't be valuable. It's all about your attitude. But I certainly wouldn't knock it 'till you try it. I mean - all this video really talks about is having a good vibe by doing standard things to keep anxiety and depression at bay. Pretty straight-forward yet intuitive and logical stuff.


----------



## jsmith92

Honestly there's nothing that will ever change me. I want to change by I can't. I'm a waste of a human being in my opinion. If I don't ever find someone what use do I have to the human race.


----------



## iminnocentenough

I don't even know. I haven't even talked to anyone in about 9 months.


----------



## jsmith92

iminnocentenough said:


> I don't even know. I haven't even talked to anyone in about 9 months.


Are we twins?


----------



## iminnocentenough

jsmith92 said:


> Are we twins?


Actually we're triplets!


----------



## jsmith92

iminnocentenough said:


> Actually we're triplets!


Who's our other sibling?


----------



## iminnocentenough

jsmith92 said:


> Who's our other sibling?


Gary Busey. I mean look at that guy I don't think he's talked to anything but himself in 10 years.


----------



## jsmith92

iminnocentenough said:


> Gary Busey. I mean look at that guy I don't think he's talked to anything but himself in 10 years.


He's got enough cash, I beg to differ lol.


----------



## Brandeezy

For now on any girl that show's me attention i'm ignoring or making it a hi and bye thing unless they make their intentions known. Too many times I fall for the whole "Oh she's talking to me, she must like me" ordeal, found out the hard way yesterday


----------



## monotonous

sleeping 15 hours a day, and waste the rest 9 hours watching porn


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Honestly there's nothing that will ever change me. I want to change by I can't. I'm a waste of a human being in my opinion. If I don't ever find someone what use do I have to the human race.


You've never seemed to have an opion of yourself other than, "I'm a waste of life," so you've never even given yourself the chance to change. Don't discount yourself so damn easily, get some pride breh.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> You've never seemed to have an opion of yourself other than, "I'm a waste of life," so you've never even given yourself the chance to change. Don't discount yourself so damn easily, get some pride breh.


There's no point man. I suck. I'm in my junior year, and I haven't spoken to a girl I like in almost over 6 months. Therapy or any other bull**** isn't going to change this. Therapy is BS. I'm not going to open up to my therapist ever, so my parents are just wasting their money. They don't know though. This is why I suck. Tomorrow I will see my crush in class and I'm just going to be crying inside because I want to talk to her, but I can't. Again it's because I suck. Nobody who knows me at school can tell, but inside I feel like ****. I wish I was someone else.


----------



## knightofdespair

rymo said:


> If you choose not to define yourself by your SA and believe that you can overcome it


Stop right there man, SA is part of our personality and who we are, and pretending otherwise sets us up for failure down the road when we stop acting and the woman is like wait what? If she can't accept you SA and all she never will in the long run. And it won't ever go away completely either.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> Stop right there man, SA is part of our personality and who we are, and pretending otherwise sets us up for failure down the road when we stop acting and the woman is like wait what? If she can't accept you SA and all she never will in the long run. And it won't ever go away completely either.


Who's pretending? Because I don't give into my SA at a moment's notice I'm acting? I am about complete and utter honesty. I've even told girls on first dates that I have SA. Probably many times. But there's a difference between being honest and pushing your boundaries, and being honest and letting your SA consume you. I do NOT believe SA is a part of my personality. Yes, it holds me back in conversation or in group settings sometimes. Of course. But my true personality is underneath the anxiety during those times. And the extent that I accept SA is just letting those feelings hit me but still doing what I want to do regardless. It's not always easy, I don't always succeed, but I keep trying and over time it gets easier.

I just think that people accept their SA too easily and assume that there's nothing they can do to improve their situation, and I think there is nothing further from the truth.


----------



## knightofdespair

rymo said:


> Who's pretending? Because I don't give into my SA at a moment's notice I'm acting? I am about complete and utter honesty. I've even told girls on first dates that I have SA. Probably many times. But there's a difference between being honest and pushing your boundaries, and being honest and letting your SA consume you. I do NOT believe SA is a part of my personality. Yes, it holds me back in conversation or in group settings sometimes. Of course. But my true personality is underneath the anxiety during those times. And the extent that I accept SA is just letting those feelings hit me but still doing what I want to do regardless. It's not always easy, I don't always succeed, but I keep trying and over time it gets easier.
> 
> I just think that people accept their SA too easily and assume that there's nothing they can do to improve their situation, and I think there is nothing further from the truth.


So you're basically masking it as long as possible, but at some point when it hits with a vengeance she is going to be like what the hell?... A lot of people just plain don't understand SA, I feel like if you hide it up front there is just a lot higher chance of them getting weird about it later on.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> So you're basically masking it as long as possible, but at some point when it hits with a vengeance she is going to be like what the hell?... A lot of people just plain don't understand SA, I feel like if you hide it up front there is just a lot higher chance of them getting weird about it later on.


----------



## jsmith92

knightofdespair said:


> So you're basically masking it as long as possible, but at some point when it hits with a vengeance she is going to be like what the hell?... A lot of people just plain don't understand SA, I feel like if you hide it up front there is just a lot higher chance of them getting weird about it later on.


Dude he just literally said the opposite of that.


----------



## knightofdespair

jsmith92 said:


> Dude he just literally said the opposite of that.


Pushing boundaries? Not a part of his personality? :bash Good luck with that.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> Pushing boundaries? Not a part of his personality? :bash Good luck with that.


Thanks, it works for me


----------



## Escobar

sometime i wish god would jus end my life


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Thanks man! I still can't believe it.
> 
> 
> 
> And it made me sublimely happy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I just kissed her and blurted out that I loved her too lol
> 
> 
> 
> I honestly think she wanted this all along, but tried to taper expectations until she discovered whether or not I was truly genuine. That's what the whole "lets just be sex friends" thing was. Steady progression of passion on both our parts every time we see each other. But now we both want to wait for the right moment. We want it to be special.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been dating her for 4 months now. If I just wanted some azz, you'd think I'd have moved on already.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Down side: She now wants me to quit smoking.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I love smoking.
> 
> 
> 
> I'll keep you posted.
> 
> 
> 
> So what's up on your end man? Any contact?


Yo man. Well things are getting better i could say. So far she also wanted us to hangout, so i told her this friday at my house. She agreed but she'll check her class schedules and so on. Boring part is we wont be alone, there will be a cleaner in the house, my cousin is also probably coming but both of these arent much issues. But i have to take my dad to dialysis (he's on crutches so he still cant take himself). I hope we get this all done before 11:00 so that i have more time with her. I hope she doesnt have classes on friday, because she might come back a bit too late, and well we wont be able to really hangout and get some pizza like i planned sigh.. Also i forgot that on friday gotta collect something from school, so i hope il be back at 11:00am like today. ( i should really create some flexible plans with her because this would be the second time we couldnt relax and do the hangout. (because i had to take my dad to his school anf had me waiting for hours, had i knew iid wait that long i would have seen her that day...sigh...)

( sometimes when she comes bacl from school she passes my house, but never calls me to walk her. I told her to give me a call if she wants me to walk her but she never does. Its like i think she might not be interested in me or being to busy for me, but then my friend told me she was around my street not being busy, my sister and mom tolr me they bumped into her at the mall and she greeted and told them to say hi to me. Wtf?? Its like when i give her the option to call me when she feels like it, she chooses not to, but when i push her to do something she does it. I dont like having to push someone to do something. Of she tells me " dont know" i i should push her. I want her to do what she wants when she feels like it, but she never does anything, never reciprocating, but then she does thsese weird things like she is interested in me. Anyway i will tell u what is up

btw, how has ur week been since u got confessed to? Is she finally ur gf? And is she ur first?


----------



## Zeeshan

knightofdespair said:


> Stop right there man, SA is part of our personality and who we are, and pretending otherwise sets us up for failure down the road when we stop acting and the woman is like wait what? If she can't accept you SA and all she never will in the long run. And it won't ever go away completely either.


While I agree in sharing these matters, I would highly suggest that you wait till a couple of months in to the relationship where things are at least quite a bit regular.

But you are correct in that it wont go away. We can make it better but in the end, whatever it is seems to remain in some form. It gets better as you learn to trust yourself.


----------



## AussiePea

I'm so bummed today. I was in China for a week and my okcupid must have automatically adjusted my location to match. I got a message the day I was flying back from an absolutely stunning woman, who at least from her profile and the message she sent me had a personality on the same level who is an expat Brit wanting to explore Shanghai with someone. Bah, even if not on a romantic level, to explore the city with a woman like this would have been oh so much fun.


----------



## EmpathicPsychopath

I am not sure if this comment is wanted but I am doing nothing to get a young woman, partly because I am an undergrad and do not have the money to keep one and because of my personality. It is not because I think less of women or lack any type of sensitivities--I am the complete opposite of such a person--but because I am not the type to initiate discussions of any kind and have what I believe to be obstacles (none that will be posted in this thread) for a relationship, intimate or friend, to become a chance let alone get started.


----------



## knightofdespair

Zeeshan said:


> While I agree in sharing these matters, I would highly suggest that you wait till a couple of months in to the relationship where things are at least quite a bit regular.
> 
> But you are correct in that it wont go away. We can make it better but in the end, whatever it is seems to remain in some form. It gets better as you learn to trust yourself.


I don't think SA is changeable. Read the comments on here, nobody really ever gets better or beats it, it seems the people doing the best know their limits and find ways to cope or accept that they will always have problems with certain things, and adjust their surroundings, jobs, and relationships to not constantly pound away at the weakest part of their personality. The people here are good people, they just struggle in certain areas and it isn't really something they can think themselves out of. Nobody chooses to feel anxiety, it happens on the subconscious level usually before we even notice it is happening.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

What I'm doing is simply just trying to get over my social anxiety and body issues. When I go out there, and put myself back in the dating pool, I want to be mentally healthy. Also physically healthy...I'm working on getting back into better shape.

Also, I am avoiding online dating, and any social networking sites, because I've learned that online love NOT=NOT to real love. _I have had incredibly bad luck with the internet and women, so I'm just going to avoid anything online. At least, if I get rejected offline, it will not be a waste of my time._

And I disagree. You can treat social anxiety. The main reason why you're single is that your SA is not treated properly.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> I don't think SA is changeable. Read the comments on here, nobody really ever gets better or beats it, it seems the people doing the best know their limits and find ways to cope or accept that they will always have problems with certain things, and adjust their surroundings, jobs, and relationships to not constantly pound away at the weakest part of their personality. The people here are good people, they just struggle in certain areas and it isn't really something they can think themselves out of. Nobody chooses to feel anxiety, it happens on the subconscious level usually before we even notice it is happening.


You're right about one thing. You can't _think_ your way out of SA. But to say it isn't changeable is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It takes social exposure and time and positive thinking...and more exposure. It takes improving your lifestyle and working hard in your career, in your relationships, and in general. It takes quite a lot, but succumbing to SA doesn't have to be anyone's fate.

It sounds like you've simply accepted SA as part of you because of your own experiences, but accepting it as fact is the quickest way towards never overcoming SA...so it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is nothing more depressing than hearing about someone who is just throwing in the towel like that, but I do hope you can find happiness in "adjusting your surroundings" for the rest of your life.


----------



## knightofdespair

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> And I disagree. You can treat social anxiety. The main reason why you're single is that your SA is not treated properly.


Treating means coping, handling - but not curing. It will never just 'go away'. And to be honest I don't think SA is even really a real problem, just is a problem because of the current economics and residential setups that don't favor our types of ways of approaching the world. I think half the people around 20 on here are simply frustrated because there really ARE no damn jobs or economic opportunities for them to get, which is a perfectly normal way to feel too when there really is nothing for them. The internet is a tool like anything else - the only way the sites will work is if you can find the right types of women who aren't flaky or gold diggers which maybe doesn't exist around you no matter what it tries to line up.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

knightofdespair said:


> Treating means coping, handling - but not curing. It will never just 'go away'. And to be honest I don't think SA is even really a real problem, just is a problem because of the current economics and residential setups that don't favor our types of ways of approaching the world. I think half the people around 20 on here are simply frustrated because there really ARE no damn jobs or economic opportunities for them to get, which is a perfectly normal way to feel too when there really is nothing for them. The internet is a tool like anything else - the only way the sites will work is if you can find the right types of women who aren't flaky or gold diggers which maybe doesn't exist around you no matter what it tries to line up.


I don't see anything I disagree with. Treating it means coping with it. If you're an alcoholic, you treat it and stop drinking alcohol. If you're OCD, you train your brain to stop doing the obsessive behavior. I see nothing different with social anxiety, you simply have to stop doing the things that come back to bite you.

Social anxiety creates social isolation, which creates more anxiety, which creates more isolation. It's a vicious cycle.


----------



## knightofdespair

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Social anxiety creates social isolation, which creates more anxiety, which creates more isolation. It's a vicious cycle.


Exactly.. the more you push against it the worse it gets.. If you can structure your life so nothing is triggering it, its not going to just go away, but you won't really notice it since it won't be triggering anymore.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

knightofdespair said:


> Exactly.. the more you push against it the worse it gets.. If you can structure your life so nothing is triggering it, its not going to just go away, but you won't really notice it since it won't be triggering anymore.


That's what I'm trying to do.

But I don't think it's fair to start a relationship, when I'm broken right now. I need to get mentally healthy, before I start dating.


----------



## knightofdespair

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> That's what I'm trying to do.
> 
> But I don't think it's fair to start a relationship, when I'm broken right now. I need to get mentally healthy, before I start dating.


For me its a catch-22, will never be fully healthy alone.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

knightofdespair said:


> For me its a catch-22, will never be fully healthy alone.


It's coming to terms with the fact that you can be socially healthy alone, so that you can be socially healthy with another person.

Everyone else who "chases skirts" have a healthy social mindset. That's what I want. I want to be independent and happy enough by myself, so that women see me as a catch, not me seeing them as one.


----------



## knightofdespair

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> It's coming to terms with the fact that you can be socially healthy alone, so that you can be socially healthy with another person.
> 
> Everyone else who "chases skirts" have a healthy social mindset. That's what I want. I want to be independent and happy enough by myself, so that women see me as a catch, not me seeing them as one.


I probably could be healthy alone, but I don't choose to be alone - the places in life I want to go are basically all worthless if I am alone forever.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> Exactly.. the more you push against it the worse it gets.. If you can structure your life so nothing is triggering it, its not going to just go away, but you won't really notice it since it won't be triggering anymore.


Some people can be happy socially isolated and not growing socially. I cannot. So I do have to push against it. And it does work. It doesn't work when you have short term failures (rejections and other temporary setbacks) and then you let your anxiety consume you and you give up for a while. The only time it actually works is if you push through those negative feelings and keep trying again and again. I can see why some wouldn't be interested in that. Call me an extrovert at heart, but living a sedentary, unsocial life forever would be the equivalent of sitting in a mental prison for the rest of my life. So many people with SA are unhappy, and it's easy to blame society instead of a real chemical imbalance that can be overcome (at least to a large extent) with hard work.


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> You're right about one thing. You can't _think_ your way out of SA. But to say it isn't changeable is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It takes social exposure and time and positive thinking...and more exposure. It takes improving your lifestyle and working hard in your career, in your relationships, and in general. It takes quite a lot, but succumbing to SA doesn't have to be anyone's fate.
> 
> It sounds like you've simply accepted SA as part of you because of your own experiences, but accepting it as fact is the quickest way towards never overcoming SA...so it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is nothing more depressing than hearing about someone who is just throwing in the towel like that, but I do hope you can find happiness in "adjusting your surroundings" for the rest of your life.


Exactly, I always throw in the towel and give up all the time. It annoys the crap out of me, but you know what, the one thing I have never given up on is schoolwork. No matter what is going on, no matter how long I procrastinate, no matter how confusing the subject is, no matter how behind I am, no matter what happens, I never give up on school. Another place I never give up is in sports, and this is partially because I love the sport I play. My coach always tells me he likes that I have "heart" for the game and always put 100% effort into it. If I could just apply that to girls, I would be so much better off. It's just that giving up when it comes to girls has become a habit, in a sense, and I think in a weird way I have become addicted to it, not like the drug addiction, but because giving up is so much easier and saves me the stress of rejection, I always choose to do so when it comes to girls. In the end however his leaves me feeling worse than I would if I just would talk to the girls and not give up. I just need to get over my fear of rejection, stop making excuses to not talk to girls, and gain some confidence along with working on not giving up anymore. This will take time, but I think it is time I try something new, because whatever I am doing now is not working at all. The reason I am so cynical as you have said I am many times, is because I always dwell on the past, whether it be my failures with girls, or missed opportunities, and more, I just need to get over it all and stop fearing rejection.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Exactly, I always throw in the towel and give up all the time. It annoys the crap out of me, but you know what, the one thing I have never given up on is schoolwork. No matter what is going on, no matter how long I procrastinate, no matter how confusing the subject is, no matter how behind I am, no matter what happens, I never give up on school. Another place I never give up is in sports, and this is partially because I love the sport I play. My coach always tells me he likes that I have "heart" for the game and always put 100% effort into it. If I could just apply that to girls, I would be so much better off. It's just that giving up when it comes to girls has become a habit, in a sense, and I think in a weird way I have become addicted to it, not like the drug addiction, but because giving up is so much easier and saves me the stress of rejection, I always choose to do so when it comes to girls. In the end however his leaves me feeling worse than I would if I just would talk to the girls and not give up. I just need to get over my fear of rejection, stop making excuses to not talk to girls, and gain some confidence along with working on not giving up anymore. This will take time, but I think it is time I try something new, because whatever I am doing now is not working at all. The reason I am so cynical as you have said I am many times, is because I always dwell on the past, whether it be my failures with girls, or missed opportunities, and more, I just need to get over it all and stop fearing rejection.


This is what I'm ****ing talkin about.


----------



## Zeeshan

knightofdespair said:


> I don't think SA is changeable. Read the comments on here, nobody really ever gets better or beats it,.


I got better


----------



## jsmith92

knightofdespair said:


> I don't think SA is changeable. Read the comments on here, nobody really ever gets better or beats it, it seems the people doing the best know their limits and find ways to cope or accept that they will always have problems with certain things, and adjust their surroundings, jobs, and relationships to not constantly pound away at the weakest part of their personality. The people here are good people, they just struggle in certain areas and it isn't really something they can think themselves out of. Nobody chooses to feel anxiety, it happens on the subconscious level usually before we even notice it is happening.


See it's all in your head. We think everyone hates us, which really isn't true. It's just that we need to give ourselves and others a chance.


----------



## knightofdespair

jsmith92 said:


> See it's all in your head. We think everyone hates us, which really isn't true. It's just that we need to give ourselves and others a chance.


I don't believe it. If you avoid triggers it might seem to have gone away, but I think deep down they're hard wired and the right circumstances will bring it out again.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

knightofdespair said:


> I don't believe it. If you avoid triggers it might seem to have gone away, but I think deep down they're hard wired and the right circumstances will bring it out again.


No, that's not how you overcome it, avoiding triggers is just basically AvPD lol...

If you actually keep at it, and try to maintain optimism which is very hard but you know, of course it is (at least for most people.) It's a mental health disorder... If it was easy there wouldn't be so many self help books selling, therapists and pharmaceutical companies getting money. If you can keep trying, then it can get easier.

It probably won't go away completely especially if you've had issues your whole life but oh well, any improvement is better than nothing.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

can't pursue a girl to save my life! Can't ****ing do ****! 
just a few hours ago:

got tired of making the effort so I wanted to see if she would try (which I know she wont sigh). I'm Instant messaging coz she didn't answer my last call on sunday and didn't tell mention it 

me: we can't tomorrow so tell me when you are free next. 

her: ok cool i'l do so

me: you promise?

her: yea but not quiet sure

me: Easy,its either u promise or u dont promise

her: Am not sure hey

her: I'l let you know

me: ok

her: yea

me: k

her: ja

me: I'll believe when I see it


I have improved from a few years ago, but 21 still isn't the year I will get a girlfriend. Weak ****ing *** me!!! I bet my older brother thinks I am like he was when he was younger, fun, good at gaming girls, now he is happily married. My older sister who is also happily married knows about my poor social skills and my failures. I always seek advice from my sister with this current girl, and I am ****ing sucking. Whiny Whiny!! (im ****ing whining ),!! ( I am always referred to as the guy with the "gentle soul " <--(most recent) "sweet guy" "nice guy" "good guy" "guy with nice smile" "guy with the drawing skills" but nope am not good enough to get a girl!!!! I am not even trying to **** any girl. I want a nice person I could call my girlfriend. This current girl is a very nice girl, but can't even get anywhere with even a nice girl . Thought I'd be nice enough to date. whiney whiney party!!! sigh


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> can't pursue a girl to save my life! Can't ****ing do ****!
> just a few hours ago:
> 
> got tired of making the effort so I wanted to see if she would try (which I know she wont sigh). I'm Instant messaging coz she didn't answer my last call on sunday and didn't tell mention it
> 
> me: we can't tomorrow so tell me when you are free next.
> 
> her: ok cool i'l do so
> 
> me: you promise?
> 
> her: yea but not quiet sure
> 
> me: Easy,its either u promise or u dont promise
> 
> her: Am not sure hey
> 
> her: I'l let you know
> 
> me: ok
> 
> her: yea
> 
> me: k
> 
> her: ja
> 
> me: I'll believe when I see it
> 
> I have improved from a few years ago, but 21 still isn't the year I will get a girlfriend. Weak ****ing *** me!!! I bet my older brother thinks I am like he was when he was younger, fun, good at gaming girls, now he is happily married. My older sister who is also happily married knows about my poor social skills and my failures. I always seek advice from my sister with this current girl, and I am ****ing sucking. Whiny Whiny!! (im ****ing whining ),!! ( I am always referred to as the guy with the "gentle soul " <--(most recent) "sweet guy" "nice guy" "good guy" "guy with nice smile" "guy with the drawing skills" but nope am not good enough to get a girl!!!! I am not even trying to **** any girl. I want a nice person I could call my girlfriend. This current girl is a very nice girl, but can't even get anywhere with even a nice girl . Thought I'd be nice enough to date. whiney whiney party!!! sigh


Well certainly the way you went about that conversation would not do you any good. "You promise? I'll believe it when I see it." It just comes off as needy and bitter. As hard as it is, you have to act like you aren't completely desperately absorbed in whether or not she agrees to hang out. And before that weird contingent of guys who calls this being fake jumps on me - it's only faking it till you become it. You are not inherently a whiny guy. That is not you deep down. That is just a negative trait brought on by years of having SA and social failures and whatever your unique situation may be. But by acting cool and relaxed in this situation, especially a text conversation, you'll get a better reaction and over time you will learn to be less bitter and whiny and all that stuff.

It's like if I went into an interview (which I have 4 of next week so I'm pissing myself right now) and acted how I feel: nervous, scared as ****, worthless, etc. Do you think there's a job in the world I would get? NO! But if I just let those feelings wash over me and do my best to maintain my cool and answer the questions the best I can. Well, I'll survive. And I'll have a better chance at getting the job. And by interview 4 I _will_ feel cool and collected.

It's the same with girls, man. It just takes practice and a positive attitude and not giving up. And you're only 21, so don't be so damn bitter already. You're doing a hell of a lot better than I was at that age.


----------



## extremly

So me and my younger sister are going to rent a little apartment and have a time share agreement (mine for 3/7 days and hers for 3 days of the week)

I'm not even going to lie, I might not be independent but I'm excited. Now I can confidently say I don't take girls to my mom's basement. I reconnected with this girl from High School in my college (no classes together but we finish our classes during the same time block) and she usually hitches a ride with a friend (because she doesn't seem to have reliable transportation). I would love to offer her a ride (and pass by my place to chill :wink) when I finally have an apartment :banana.

Even if nothing happens, damn I finally have a place to take girls


----------



## Sourdog

Umm awkward question? Has anyone here had trouble getting it up for their first time, any tips to prevent it? I keep worrying about this over and over again if i ever have sex.


----------



## SA go0n

Putin said:


> I tried online dating again. After sending dozens of messages to dozen of girls without receiving a single response back, I decided f**k it and deleted my accounts.


Are you still going to go the escort route?


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Prostitution is always on the table guys.


----------



## Naytve

im almost a 25yo virgin loner because of how people have beat me down and treat me, im doing nothing about dating because its too much to take on.. and all the missed opportunities from those that wanted to date me, It's already made me weak. I guess Life is over.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Naytve said:


> im almost a 25yo virgin loner because of how people have beat me down and treat me, im doing nothing about dating because its too much to take on.. and all the missed opportunities from those that wanted to date me, It's already made me weak. I guess Life is over.


Sorry dude, I guess on the bright side I'm in the same position with you.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

rymo said:


> Well certainly the way you went about that conversation would not do you any good. "You promise? I'll believe it when I see it." It just comes off as needy and bitter. As hard as it is, you have to act like you aren't completely desperately absorbed in whether or not she agrees to hang out. And before that weird contingent of guys who calls this being fake jumps on me - it's only faking it till you become it. You are not inherently a whiny guy. That is not you deep down. That is just a negative trait brought on by years of having SA and social failures and whatever your unique situation may be. But by acting cool and relaxed in this situation, especially a text conversation, you'll get a better reaction and over time you will learn to be less bitter and whiny and all that stuff.
> 
> It's like if I went into an interview (which I have 4 of next week so I'm pissing myself right now) and acted how I feel: nervous, scared as ****, worthless, etc. Do you think there's a job in the world I would get? NO! But if I just let those feelings wash over me and do my best to maintain my cool and answer the questions the best I can. Well, I'll survive. And I'll have a better chance at getting the job. And by interview 4 I _will_ feel cool and collected.
> 
> It's the same with girls, man. It just takes practice and a positive attitude and not giving up. And you're only 21, so don't be so damn bitter already. You're doing a hell of a lot better than I was at that age.


Yea i guess I tried to show my anger through the messages, but I don't usually do this. I just usually reply "its fine"/"ok" .
After I said " il believe when I see it" she just replied: "ok cool" the next morning.

I feel like I have made plenty mistakes with her. But somehow....I still think she likes me ,somehow. I have become so frustrated that she has never texted me back, only called me twice ever, but we "whatsapp" frequently. Even in whatsapp, she responds, but I think she acts busy sometimes and replies after 10+min.

She was the one who gave me her number twice (so she was interested). When I think she is playing games, I mirror her, but that doesn't get me anywhere. If I feel she is distant I mirror her, but she might be really busy. There are times she tells me when she is busy and when she is free.

If I go with my heart I think she is shy. When I ask her to meet, she seems excited but always creates this "i don't know" atmosphere. I remember calling her and ended up telling her how I feel and she said she was shocked and didn't know what to think (I asked and she said "in a good way) ( I said "so its a NO?" and she said "NO IT'S NOT") I think maybe it was a bit early. About 2 days after that, my friend bumped into her( i have mentioned it before) and they both came to my house and I was surprised she was there since it could have been awkward, and it wasn't, we kind of reset a bit.

I used to call her like 3 times a week or so, night-time. I only attempted calling once recently (I tried calling her about a week ago, but I think she was asleep, but didn't notify me the next day). . I am shy myself, so I am afraid of telling her how I feel again. Though can't trust her to contact me first too. *I'm going to contact her and just ask if she likes me more than just friendly way or not so that I can either step up a bit or move on. So I don't waste both of our times. *

(its about time I get an answer, I don't want confusion anymore. Before the end of this week I will know if I have to give up on her or not.)


----------



## Rixy

My current approach is to join social groups/meet ups and see if I can find anyone. I'm also eager to make friends so even if I don't meet a girl I can still expand my social circle a little. I also get the impression that university socialising just isn't for me. Everyone is so hell bent on non stop partying and I'm not interesting in those kind of girls. Conversations about partying. All. The. Time. Does nobody read books round here? I'd like to see what kind of social groups they have but my uni seems really bad for that kind of thing. I think there's only a dozen or so and I don't want to join one for the sake of it. 

I'll get there...at some point :um


----------



## baloff17

Rixy said:


> My current approach is to join social groups/meet ups and see if I can find anyone. I'm also eager to make friends so even if I don't meet a girl I can still expand my social circle a little.


This approach is what I was doing earlier in the year, as sort of a New Year's Resolution. I joined some random meet ups, took a cooking class, etc. - but none of it was quite what I was looking for, and I didn't actually make any friends at any of those activities. Something tells me I gave up too soon though. I think this type of approach needs to become a lifestyle thing, instead of just something you try a few times and then quit.

Anyway, good luck with it and if you have any success I hope you'll come back and tell us about it. I may be headed back in that direction myself, since my latest attempts to "cold approach" women over the last couple of months petered out and ended in failure. And by failure, I don't mean I got shot down; I mean I never actually tried any approaches. ops

Damn you, SA!


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

So I texted her some long message,in a way* i felt ready to get rejected!!!* ( to simplify what I wrote: i told her about how I feel about her and I just wanted her to come clean and tell me if she likes me or not so that we can proceed with life. I always felt like maybe she was just to kind to tell me she is disinterested. I told her I don't want to rush her etc. I couldn't understand why she always told me she is busy so I thought she was just disinterested)

I texted her because I wanted her to just read it and respond at her own time and not feel pressure to answer or shocked (like the last time and it got me nowhere) .

So she replied so honestly and confessed she likes me a lot too,,,,more than friends,,,,,she says i'm a cool guy (me what?). She did say she does want a relationship, but not right now. ( we are busy with school, and relationships tend to demand sacrifices etc I think also her parents are strict.), but she wants to go step by step with me. ( I also wanted us to pace life slowly together and not rush things, although in time I will make her my girlfriend just so we can at least be sure she is off limits to other people ).

I won't lie, I felt tired of having mixed feelings and nearly gave up on her. Reading internet articles made me feel worse and fooled. But I knew I might regret not trying atleast something. Atleast some light in my life. So I will wait till exam time is over and make sure we both have fun and get closer. Never giving up again!

[ ****, I feel so happy:cry i could actually tear up. Thought I would remain hopeless forever because I made so many mistakes with her. ]

I still have to conquer fear and make the most of whatever time I can get with her.


----------



## jsmith92

photorealisticotakuman said:


> So I texted her some long message,in a way* i felt ready to get rejected!!!* ( to simplify what I wrote: i told her about how I feel about her and I just wanted her to come clean and tell me if she likes me or not so that we can proceed with life. I always felt like maybe she was just to kind to tell me she is disinterested. I told her I don't want to rush her etc. I couldn't understand why she always told me she is busy so I thought she was just disinterested)
> 
> I texted her because I wanted her to just read it and respond at her own time and not feel pressure to answer or shocked (like the last time and it got me nowhere) .
> 
> So she replied so honestly and confessed she likes me a lot too,,,,more than friends,,,,,she says i'm a cool guy (me what?). She did say she does want a relationship, but not right now. ( we are busy with school, and relationships tend to demand sacrifices etc I think also her parents are strict.), but she wants to go step by step with me. ( I also wanted us to pace life slowly together and not rush things, although in time I will make her my girlfriend just so we can at least be sure she is off limits to other people ).
> 
> I won't lie, I felt tired of having mixed feelings and nearly gave up on her. Reading internet articles made me feel worse and fooled. But I knew I might regret not trying atleast something. Atleast some light in my life. So I will wait till exam time is over and make sure we both have fun and get closer. Never giving up again!
> 
> [ ****, I feel so happy:cry i could actually tear up. Thought I would remain hopeless forever because I made so many mistakes with her. ]
> 
> I still have to conquer fear and make the most of whatever time I can get with her.


Whatever bro. I hit another depression. So much fun. I am back to square 1.


----------



## shykid

jsmith92 said:


> Whatever bro. I hit another depression. So much fun. I am back to square 1.


:agree Same here.. I'm done with it, at least for a while. :blank


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Passed up a chance to spend 12hours of practical alone time with an awesome girl because of an exam, that's what I've been doing to get a girl, those lose/lose situations... 

It's a girl that aside from a good match in terms of humor I have very little in common with, so I wonder if I'll get any more chances... It's not very helpful that I'm acting like a complete moron around her ever since I figured I actually do like her.


----------



## rymo

I'm broke as ****. Forget girls, forget anything. I am desperately searching for a web development job right now. And I don't want full-time employment at a company. It's just not what I want to do with my life right now. I am gunning for freelance jobs but I've been super unlucky this month and I've come up short. It's amazing, I went to one of the best tech schools in the country, I got a nice job out of school (even though school itself was quite rough), and then....downhill since then even though my skills have increased tenfold, all because of ****ing SA and years of being lazy and not having motivation because of depression and anxiety. And now that I'm so close to feeling socially happy for the first time in my life, the floor falls out from under me financially. Now that I'm motivated as hell, I can't find a scrap of work.

I went on a couple interviews this week for positions at actual companies, and I immediately canceled the rest I had this week. Because it's not what I want to do. I started an LLC, I made the decision to work from home, I'm going to see it through to the bitter end.

I'm miserable right now, but if I can get something and start rebuilding myself financially, I will come out the other end a new person - free from the burden of money and back to where I was mentally before this all happened. I _am_ really excited about thatat least. I am going to kamehameha life in the nuts. [email protected][email protected]#[email protected]!#[email protected]

/blog


----------



## Brandeezy

Well guys i'll be 25 in two weeks still in the same position with women as I was last year. Except this time I finally accepted the fact I will probably never be in an relationship. I know i've probably said this before on here but this week i've been on vacation from work and had time to reflect. 

I deleted all my dating profile accounts and just left my social media accounts (which i barely use). While I browsed Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook I saw attractive women with their SO but I didn't feel anything. No jealously or felt like they should be with me instead of them. Maybe because I know I don't have a snowball's chance in hell to be with them. It also helps that I don't have any prospects or crushes at the moment so i'm not giving a ****, I even grew my hair out lol. So basically i'm on a 'whatever happens, happens' mode.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

jsmith92 said:


> Whatever bro. I hit another depression. So much fun. I am back to square 1.


yeah I know the feeling man. It has happened in your life before, just accept depression as part of your process of moving forward in life. I know it's a sh***y experience but you will pull through. 
Focus on other things besides girls. Have yourself some fun man, do things that make you extremely happy. Improve your other aspects in life that feel easier to improve. (I have been picking up weights for the past 5 weeks now, and I do feel happier regardless of whether I'm still ****ing skinny. Also going to see if I can get a job although I'm kinda scared to really get that plan going). Also, if you randomly bump into a girl and she talks to you, always try to put in as much effort as she does.


----------



## Kazumichan

I'm happy for you, OP ^.^

I am a girl. But I'm pretty sure I stand no chance of ever getting in a relationship. Not because I'm particularly unattractive or anything like that, I just don't understand other people or relationships.


----------



## jsmith92

photorealisticotakuman said:


> yeah I know the feeling man. It has happened in your life before, just accept depression as part of your process of moving forward in life. I know it's a sh***y experience but you will pull through.
> Focus on other things besides girls. Have yourself some fun man, do things that make you extremely happy. Improve your other aspects in life that feel easier to improve. (I have been picking up weights for the past 5 weeks now, and I do feel happier regardless of whether I'm still ****ing skinny. Also going to see if I can get a job although I'm kinda scared to really get that plan going). Also, if you randomly bump into a girl and she talks to you, always try to put in as much effort as she does.


See I guess with me I am not desperate, I'm just sad I haven't been able to experience a relationship yet. If the girl isn't attractive I really honestly am not interested. But there's this girl in one of my classes I think is really cute. I'm too shy to talk to her though.


----------



## Ziggy Stardust

Thought I was getting somewhere with this woman this year. We sort of became drinking buddies and started seeing a lot of each other, but she'd just broken up with her boyfriend and didn't want a relationship (this was months ago). So we still saw each other, and when we went out people thought we were a couple and then we said we were just friends they gave me all these pathetic looks, so guess they knew. She even introduced me to her sister and sort of wondered out loud to me if her sister would approve of me. Then she started getting a bit flirty, and I thought that meant she was ready to move on and maybe try to start something with me.

So I invited her over, and she seemed keen. Then when she actually did come over, she told me she was married to her ex, and they'd still been sort of seeing each other (aka having sex), and they have to go through all this compulsory counselling stuff to get a divorce. And she pretty much just complained about all her old ex's the whole night. I confronted her about what was going on with "us", and she was like, sorry I'm not interested in you and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.

Just... wow. And of course now I'm totally bloody infatuated with her and I absolutely hate it.

I don't know how I manage to do this to myself.

I'm going away in a couple of months, thankgod.

Next year I'm not going to be so stupid as to chase a woman around like that.

Basically I've decided that the first woman who shows interest, who I am okay to be around, I'm going to ask her out in the traditional way. No more of this, going out with women as friends and seeing if it develops into something else. I'm sick of the women I like not being interested in me. I've never had a relationship, I just want to experience one, it doesn't have to be with my "dream girl", that's just a fantasy that will never happen anyway. I need to have some sex, and get some experience just being in a relationship. Think this will drastically improve my confidence with other women in the future anyway.


----------



## Darktower776

rymo said:


> I'm broke as ****. Forget girls, forget anything. I am desperately searching for a web development job right now. And I don't want full-time employment at a company. It's just not what I want to do with my life right now. I am gunning for freelance jobs but I've been super unlucky this month and I've come up short. It's amazing, I went to one of the best tech schools in the country, I got a nice job out of school (even though school itself was quite rough), and then....downhill since then even though my skills have increased tenfold, all because of ****ing SA and years of being lazy and not having motivation because of depression and anxiety. And now that I'm so close to feeling socially happy for the first time in my life, the floor falls out from under me financially. Now that I'm motivated as hell, I can't find a scrap of work.
> 
> I went on a couple interviews this week for positions at actual companies, and I immediately canceled the rest I had this week. Because it's not what I want to do. I started an LLC, I made the decision to work from home, I'm going to see it through to the bitter end.
> 
> I'm miserable right now, but if I can get something and start rebuilding myself financially, I will come out the other end a new person - free from the burden of money and back to where I was mentally before this all happened. I _am_ really excited about thatat least. I am going to kamehameha life in the nuts. [email protected][email protected]#[email protected]!#[email protected]
> 
> /blog


Good positive attitude to have, rymo. I wish you luck and success.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

jsmith92 said:


> See I guess with me I am not desperate, I'm just sad I haven't been able to experience a relationship yet. If the girl isn't attractive I really honestly am not interested. But there's this girl in one of my classes I think is really cute. I'm too shy to talk to her though.


Dude, When you see her walking by look at something else, just as you get close look at her and go "hey" and look away so it doesn't matter if she greets back or not (surely she will greet). Do this daily for like a week or so. If it starts being a normal thing for you to greet her ,great. If you start seeing her again in a day, instead of saying "hey" be like "what's up" and continue walking ( unless she starts talking then you could also talk a bit).

All i'm trying to say is find ways to be in close proximity with one another, greet and relax.

I did this with 2 girls back in highschool ( My only experiences approaching a girl, but worked fine) . There was a girl that always sat in the front seat of our mini bus to school. I sat next to her everyday and decided to greet her daily. After about a week we started talking, joking around. ( she is quite a naughty and curious girl lol) But I got too comfortable and never went forward with her, she got taken by some other guy who was faster with his intentions. ( she even visited me at my house early this year with her cousin, so comfort isn't that hard to build, but if you have intentions, reveal them when you are both comfortable with talking or ask her to go with you to get ice cream or something!). 
I also did it with some chick that i liked in our bus and was kind of new (she looked kinda like Rihanna, I was like wow). People didn't like her though, but for me it was like an opportunity. Greeted her everyday, and soon enough we got comfortable talking to one another. ( I let her go though, she wasn't a fully matured girl ). ( it is a kind of slow approach, but it works). I haven't experienced being in a relationship myself. I sometimes got so close to a the person but fail right at the opportunity to escalate, then nothing happens.

So the girl I am talking to now is the first person I confessed to about my feelings, and I did so twice. On the phone, and on text. She is the only crush I have known for the longest now (she was in my class grade 1-7) but weren't really close at all. We are still awkward though, so I need a dose of proximity with her to get things going.

Have you ever approached a girl you liked before?


----------



## Escobar

im such a good looking tall guy 

and i still dont get any girls and struggle to talk to women 

i really feel like a waste man


----------



## jsmith92

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Dude, When you see her walking by look at something else, just as you get close look at her and go "hey" and look away so it doesn't matter if she greets back or not (surely she will greet). Do this daily for like a week or so. If it starts being a normal thing for you to greet her ,great. If you start seeing her again in a day, instead of saying "hey" be like "what's up" and continue walking ( unless she starts talking then you could also talk a bit).
> 
> All i'm trying to say is find ways to be in close proximity with one another, greet and relax.
> 
> I did this with 2 girls back in highschool ( My only experiences approaching a girl, but worked fine) . There was a girl that always sat in the front seat of our mini bus to school. I sat next to her everyday and decided to greet her daily. After about a week we started talking, joking around. ( she is quite a naughty and curious girl lol) But I got too comfortable and never went forward with her, she got taken by some other guy who was faster with his intentions. ( she even visited me at my house early this year with her cousin, so comfort isn't that hard to build, but if you have intentions, reveal them when you are both comfortable with talking or ask her to go with you to get ice cream or something!).
> I also did it with some chick that i liked in our bus and was kind of new (she looked kinda like Rihanna, I was like wow). People didn't like her though, but for me it was like an opportunity. Greeted her everyday, and soon enough we got comfortable talking to one another. ( I let her go though, she wasn't a fully matured girl ). ( it is a kind of slow approach, but it works). I haven't experienced being in a relationship myself. I sometimes got so close to a the person but fail right at the opportunity to escalate, then nothing happens.
> 
> So the girl I am talking to now is the first person I confessed to about my feelings, and I did so twice. On the phone, and on text. She is the only crush I have known for the longest now (she was in my class grade 1-7) but weren't really close at all. We are still awkward though, so I need a dose of proximity with her to get things going.
> 
> Have you ever approached a girl you liked before?


Yeah but I kind of see myself as a worthless piece of **** so I won't be able to do that. I'm too self conscious to even say hi to her.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Yeah but I kind of see myself as a worthless piece of **** so I won't be able to do that. I'm too self conscious to even say hi to her.


Well then stop worrying about "getting girls" and start focusing on saying hi. That is step 1.

You remind me of myself, because I used to have such a ridiculous level of self-hatred, and I would beat myself up to the point of tears if I didn't act like a "cool guy" or do whatever it was that I wanted to do that day (like saying hi to a cute girl).

The sad truth is the only way you're going to start not feeling like a piece of **** is if you do those scary things that you want to do. And in this case, it's just saying hi to the girl you like. You just have to do it. I promise you, nothing bad will come out of it, and no one will think anything less of you. Not that that should matter anyway, but we'll get to achieving that mindset at a later date ;p

JUST DO IT!!!!!!!! :yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

jsmith92 said:


> Yeah but I kind of see myself as a worthless piece of **** so I won't be able to do that. I'm too self conscious to even say hi to her.





> Well then stop worrying about "getting girls" and start focusing on saying hi. That is step 1.
> 
> You remind me of myself, because I used to have such a ridiculous level of self-hatred, and I would beat myself up to the point of tears if I didn't act like a "cool guy" or do whatever it was that I wanted to do that day (like saying hi to a cute girl).
> 
> The sad truth is the only way you're going to start not feeling like a piece of **** is if you do those scary things that you want to do. And in this case, it's just saying hi to the girl you like. You just have to do it. I promise you, nothing bad will come out of it, and no one will think anything less of you. Not that that should matter anyway, but we'll get to achieving that mindset at a later date ;p


Listen to rymo ^^
@jsmith92 saying "Hi" is a very low risk thing to say man. Maybe greet other people close by to build that greeting momentum and then greet the girl when you get to her. You gotta be tired of beating yourself up man. I'm sure you are an awesome person bro! Listen to your favourite track or one that pumps you up just so you get feel awesome for a while. ( I also usually do a count down before I do something to kind of force myself.) ( sometimes...lol I ****ing swear or say the most filthy things about the person I want to greet *in my thoughts* just a few seconds before I actually say *"hey"* at them lol. Well that's what I do ..during those tough times haha) it kind of makes them more human to me instead of putting them on a pedestal.


----------



## Elad

@photorealisticotakuman congrats on getting it all out, i only read your update about texting her straight up with your feelings because i'm heading out but way to be man

one thing though, you're all loved up on it despite her saying she doesnt want a relationship right now, so what are you going to do? playing a waiting game or assuming in the future is a dangerous game


----------



## villadb

Ah man I keep bottling messaging this girl on facebook. It's not as if I'm ever likely to meet her in person unless we organise it so it's not likely that I'll lose face, and she said on meetup.com that she had social anxiety when I originally messaged her. Yet I'm still a nervous wreck haha.

Edit: I've just realised she unfriended me. Bollocks.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Elad said:


> @photorealisticotakuman congrats on getting it all out, i only read your update about texting her straight up with your feelings because i'm heading out but way to be man
> 
> one thing though, you're all loved up on it despite her saying she doesnt want a relationship right now, so what are you going to do? playing a waiting game or assuming in the future is a dangerous game


whats up Elad and Thanks . 
I have been asking myself that question quite a lot recently. It makes me quite nervous to think about this because I don't know what will happen between us after her saying such a thing. I don't think I have given her a good enough reason to want a relationship with me yet. We haven't truly hung-out alone, and we should so that we can see how close we can become. It would be too early to want to be in a relationship anyway.

So for now it is a waiting game, just waiting for next month to pass, so we can chill and have fun. Show her my fun side, and also get a bit serious and ask her about relationship stuff when we talk. I won't try to convince her to be in a relationship with me. This probably will take a long time, I will show her that I won't demand anything from her. I want to know where she is planning to be in future, connect with our goals. Maybe if she finally wants a relationship with me, we could then define a relationship for ourselves. ( show her not a lot would be different). Ultimately, having fun and getting closer is my goal.

Currently I am not feeling any different than I was when I didn't confess to her. Still feels like I have this long journey to cross first, which still has a potential to failure. But life is short, if nothing happens between us I will obviously be depressed and hate myself for a long time,,,like many other times,,,, because that is part of the process. No matter how hard it gets, no matter my failures, I will eventually get sick and tired of depression and failure again and find ways to improve my quality of life even if I don't find another girl. I want to be a happier person.

(I tend to write long paragraphs so forgive me lol)
@Kazumichan thanks . Im not yet in a relationship myself though. But we won't ever be if we never try.


----------



## baloff17

I just signed up for a speed-dating event. Paid my money and everything; it's a done deal.

I'm doing this despite the fact that:

1) I'm not good looking 
2) I make hardly any money 
3) I live with roommates 
4) I haven't been on a date in years and don't have any kind of reasonable, non-SA sounding excuse for why it's been so long 

But you know what? I don't care. I'm doing it anyway. Whatever happens or doesn't happen, at least I can say I tried something.


----------



## Hikikomori2014

Honestly, you have an awesome attitude about it.
I eagerly await an update on this!



baloff17 said:


> I just signed up for a speed-dating event. Paid my money and everything; it's a done deal.
> 
> I'm doing this despite the fact that:
> 
> 1) I'm not good looking
> 2) I make hardly any money
> 3) I live with roommates
> 4) I haven't been on a date in years and don't have any kind of reasonable, non-SA sounding excuse for why it's been so long
> 
> But you know what? I don't care. I'm doing it anyway. Whatever happens or doesn't happen, at least I can say I tried something.


----------



## baloff17

Hikikomori2014 said:


> Honestly, you have an awesome attitude about it.
> I eagerly await an update on this!


Thanks man! The event is a week from this Saturday - I'll definitely come back on here afterwards and let you know how it went.


----------



## Darktower776

baloff17 said:


> Thanks man! The event is a week from this Saturday - I'll definitely come back on here afterwards and let you know how it went.


Good luck, baloff. Hope the event goes well for you.


----------



## rymo




----------



## anthropy

i put together a largely nonchalant and sarcastic okcud (is that what its called?) which needless to say i'm not too optimistic about.
my life's a joke so i couldn't really make a serious one without looking a fool, and i think people tend to try a bit too hard on those things anyways, maybe my unconventional approach will draw some people in.


----------



## scooby

There's a girl in group therapy who I find pretty interesting and cool. I'm not really sure if I want to even bother entertaining the idea of anything potentially coming from this though. Getting hopeful and then having that crumble won't feel good. It's sorta hard to not overthink these things and self-sabotage myself. Maybe I should just try push it out of my mind and keep focusing on myself. If only I could silence the overwhelming constant feeling of loneliness.


----------



## jsmith92

This girl has been staring at me in class, but I'm too nervous and have no confidence to talk to her. This is what always happens. I'm going to have a crush on her for the rest of the year and then she's going to move on because she thinks I'm not interested because I'm too much of a chicken to talk to her.


----------



## Noca

Flirting and talking to random cute brunettes when the opportunity arises.


----------



## rymo

I just remembered something funny from when I was first trying to be social and talk to girls. When I wasn't going out by myself, which was 90% of the time, I was going out with a friend of a friend who was extremely awkward and didn't have any social awareness. He wasn't socially anxious, but he would just talk..and talk...and talk..and his stories would go nowhere...ever. But that's just a side note.

Anyway, one night we went out and I decided to approach 2 girls sitting at a booth. My opening line was something I think I saw on The Pickup Artist: "Hey, did you see the fight outside?" Needless to say there was no fight, and they even called me out on it because of my canned delivery: "Did you just make that up?"

I said no, and turned red, and then proceeded to attempt to chat them up. Eventually my awkward friend came and sat down. I didn't have the social awareness to introduce him, so it was like...who's this guy? It was about that time I also stopped talking because I couldn't think of anything to say...and I had used all of my canned routines. I also found out afterwards that every time I turned my head the girls were giving each other looks like, "How do we get out of this situation?" At one point, one of their friends arrived, and it was the 3 girls chatting and having a ball, and us...not saying a single world.

Eventually they decided to go to another place, and they packed up and exited single file. I meekly attempted to get one of their numbers but was promptly ignored.

It's a difficult feeling to cope with...that crushing feeling of rejection - when you know it wasn't anything but your own fault. My unconvincing opening line, my shyness, my lack of doing anything bold or interesting whatsoever. When you've never done any of those things, but you're at the point where you _know _you need to to attract a girl...you feel powerless...

More stories to come!


----------



## markwalters2

rymo said:


> What are you doing to get a girl?


Just bought some nylon rope and duct tape.


----------



## Darktower776

markwalters2 said:


> Just bought some nylon rope and duct tape.


Nylon rope. Nice touch. Not like some of those course ropes or plastic ties. Shows you care about her comfort as well. :yes


----------



## jsmith92

Noca said:


> Flirting and talking to random cute brunettes when the opportunity arises.


I like-a brunettes. They're very niiiiiiice. How much?


----------



## jsmith92

Buckyx said:


> hey guys there is a girl at college dorm, I see her like 1-2 times a week at most .. although I never talked to her and manage to make eye contant only for very short time every time I see her.. she suddenly said hi to me I was shocked lol I said hi back and we greet each other every time we pass I noticed she smiled last time, although this this is weird we never had conversation lol, I am afraid to talk to her first


I think she's definitely interested in you but don't go into it trying to be in a relationship with her. Establish a friendship first so you can get to know her. Another piece of advice is to read the article/guide at this link first http://lifehacker.com/overcome-social-anxiety-with-the-3-second-rule-1619636095 after you read it just keep it in mind for the next time you see her and follow what you learned from the article/guide.


----------



## Noca

jsmith92 said:


> I like-a brunettes. They're very niiiiiiice. How much?


How much what?


----------



## jsmith92

Noca said:


> How much what?


Borat impression


----------



## Cyclonic

Currently nothing, my usual social spots have become stale and I'm finding it hard to even bother going. Looks like I'll have to find new bars/clubs.


----------



## baloff17

rymo said:


> I just remembered something funny from when I was first trying to be social and talk to girls. When I wasn't going out by myself, which was 90% of the time, I was going out with a friend of a friend who was extremely awkward and didn't have any social awareness. He wasn't socially anxious, but he would just talk..and talk...and talk..and his stories would go nowhere...ever. But that's just a side note.
> 
> Anyway, one night we went out and I decided to approach 2 girls sitting at a booth. My opening line was something I think I saw on The Pickup Artist: "Hey, did you see the fight outside?" Needless to say there was no fight, and they even called me out on it because of my canned delivery: "Did you just make that up?"
> 
> I said no, and turned red, and then proceeded to attempt to chat them up. Eventually my awkward friend came and sat down. I didn't have the social awareness to introduce him, so it was like...who's this guy? It was about that time I also stopped talking because I couldn't think of anything to say...and I had used all of my canned routines. I also found out afterwards that every time I turned my head the girls were giving each other looks like, "How do we get out of this situation?" At one point, one of their friends arrived, and it was the 3 girls chatting and having a ball, and us...not saying a single world.
> 
> Eventually they decided to go to another place, and they packed up and exited single file. I meekly attempted to get one of their numbers but was promptly ignored.
> 
> It's a difficult feeling to cope with...that crushing feeling of rejection - when you know it wasn't anything but your own fault. My unconvincing opening line, my shyness, my lack of doing anything bold or interesting whatsoever. When you've never done any of those things, but you're at the point where you _know _you need to to attract a girl...you feel powerless...
> 
> More stories to come!


Ha, I love stories like this. Most of us with SA spend so much time imagining worst case scenarios and total crash-and-burn humiliations that it's great to actually read an example of that happening, and realize it's not that bad. I mean I'm sure it felt bad at the time, but since you pushed past it and kept trying and eventually had success, now it's just a funny memory and story. I figure we're all going to screw up the first time we go outside our comfort zone.

Anyway, I've got that speed-dating thing I'm going to this Friday (moved up a day from Saturday) and I'll use this story as a negative inspiration. I.e., as long it doesn't go _that_ bad ^, it'll be a success.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

rymo said:


> I just remembered something funny from when I was first trying to be social and talk to girls. When I wasn't going out by myself, which was 90% of the time, I was going out with a friend of a friend who was extremely awkward and didn't have any social awareness. He wasn't socially anxious, but he would just talk..and talk...and talk..and his stories would go nowhere...ever. But that's just a side note.
> 
> Anyway, one night we went out and I decided to approach 2 girls sitting at a booth. My opening line was something I think I saw on The Pickup Artist: "Hey, did you see the fight outside?" Needless to say there was no fight, and they even called me out on it because of my canned delivery: "Did you just make that up?"
> 
> I said no, and turned red, and then proceeded to attempt to chat them up. Eventually my awkward friend came and sat down. I didn't have the social awareness to introduce him, so it was like...who's this guy? It was about that time I also stopped talking because I couldn't think of anything to say...and I had used all of my canned routines. I also found out afterwards that every time I turned my head the girls were giving each other looks like, "How do we get out of this situation?" At one point, one of their friends arrived, and it was the 3 girls chatting and having a ball, and us...not saying a single world.
> 
> Eventually they decided to go to another place, and they packed up and exited single file. I meekly attempted to get one of their numbers but was promptly ignored.
> 
> It's a difficult feeling to cope with...that crushing feeling of rejection - when you know it wasn't anything but your own fault. My unconvincing opening line, my shyness, my lack of doing anything bold or interesting whatsoever. When you've never done any of those things, but you're at the point where you _know _you need to to attract a girl...you feel powerless...
> 
> More stories to come!


wow RYMO that took some huge balls , I couldn't even do such a thing! I read pua material while in high school but never got around to actually approach strangers. But 2 girls at the same time ??!!!! It is very daunting ....And that opener LOL I have been meaning to use that, but just never had the balls. Never thought it would work. I think I read that opener from The game by pua style.

The only time I think I did a bold move was 2011, the last year of highschool on a science trip for our class only. There was this girl I liked since 2008 ,9th grade, and she was interested in me too. ( I asked her out once in 2010 to a school event and I fumbled so hard that day. She said she was going to ask her dad's permission first and I couldn't take the waiting pressure. So........I ****ed it up even more by texting her that night that I apologize for being so nervous and the reason I was nervous was that I made a bet with my friends to ask her out,,,,, which wasn't true.. because i really liked her *facepalm* and didn't want her to know *double facepalm*. We went awkward for a few weeks, but started to talk again. )

Anyway

Science trip 2011: She was always walking around with some guy who was a bit nerdier than I was back than, but I had been told he was just a friend. But it really got to me. lol jealousyyy haha. After the trip before we went back to school, our bus stopped by at KFC. I saw her choosing a table and sitting beside the nerdy guy and her other two friends on the opposite side of the table. From there on about 6-7 other learners were standing around the table.

I was standing around the exit door with my friend (socially awkward like your friend, but he used to go ON and On about military weapons etc lol). I remember getting a brain freeze from the slushy I was drinking, I quickly checked to see my crush and she was still there in her ring of friends. I was basically the silent student who just minded his own business, but I couldn't suppress myself that day.

I was like "**** this". I finished that slushy, went inside, and approach the group (felt like I was climbing a mountain). I moved through the ring of friends and tapped the shoulder of the friend that was sitting opposite of my crush. The friend was like " hey, wanna sit? " and scooched over for me to sit and I put my arm around her shoulders. Everyone continued talking, except my crush.

My crush looked at me in the eyes and smiled, and I was smiling back. I said "well, I see some fancy food you're eating there" (sounds different in my language. The focus was not the food ) We gazed at each other for like 10 freaking seconds and said nothing..........afterwards I got up and went back to my friend.

During that bus ride back to school, I sat at the back next to the window. I was listening to my headphones and thinking "why the **** didn't I plan things better, I opened an opportunity but didn't use it afterwards" :flush. A few minutes later I notice she was seated on the same window seat but I think 3 rows forward. I saw her face looking sideways at her window, she turned her head back and made eye contact for a very short amount of time and turned back. I will never forget that day. never!

I still have some highschool books of mine, where she'd accuse me of liking her and i'd accuse her too. I remember this onetime we wrote our names on each others books and our substitute physics teacher was like "im not sure if this person has many names and two books???? " we both took our respective books and she said " Oh girlfriend and boyfriend " and the class laughed. ( it was cool LOL) Why am I not studying

...sorry Rymo...I kind of went off on a tangent here. Please! more of those stories of yours


----------



## Aumelie

I don't know if you want to hear this story from a girl but:
I was a bartender and waitress for 5 years through uni, got asked out by super confident guys, good looking guys all the time. I dated them, got bored of them.

The guy of my dreams is bald, short, thin. I took one look at him in a club and said no way. Within 5 minutes I was hooked on him. He danced like an idiot and he loved it. I could tell this guy was a little shy, a little confident and knew what he wanted and would simply say so. That night before I slept with him he told me he liked me more than a ONS and I believed him. 3 years later we're still together, he listens to me I listen to him, I love his anger, his childishness, I just fell in love with him. He doesn't have any money. 

I guess mainly he taught me what I wanted. We women don't know what's on offer or what to expect. Should I expect a guy to compliment me after a year together? To not cheat on me? To help me when I'm sick? We don't know what is on offer these days so we don't know what we want. He taught me I can expect to have a sexy best friend and awesome housemate, and soon husband. 

I've read these PUA 'tips' and these would not work on me. I can't talk about other women. But I do know I fell in love with every flaw and facet of my guy and it's very possible to find your own girl like that. I won't say you will find her, because it's pretty lucky, but my advice is date a lot even if you're not sure.


----------



## baloff17

Aumelie said:


> I don't know if you want to hear this story from a girl but:
> I was a bartender and waitress for 5 years through uni, got asked out by super confident guys, good looking guys all the time. I dated them, got bored of them.
> 
> The guy of my dreams is bald, short, thin. I took one look at him in a club and said no way. Within 5 minutes I was hooked on him. He danced like an idiot and he loved it. I could tell this guy was a little shy, a little confident and knew what he wanted and would simply say so. That night before I slept with him he told me he liked me more than a ONS and I believed him. 3 years later we're still together, he listens to me I listen to him, I love his anger, his childishness, I just fell in love with him. He doesn't have any money.
> 
> I guess mainly he taught me what I wanted. We women don't know what's on offer or what to expect. Should I expect a guy to compliment me after a year together? To not cheat on me? To help me when I'm sick? We don't know what is on offer these days so we don't know what we want. He taught me I can expect to have a sexy best friend and awesome housemate, and soon husband.
> 
> I've read these PUA 'tips' and these would not work on me. I can't talk about other women. But I do know I fell in love with every flaw and facet of my guy and it's very possible to find your own girl like that. I won't say you will find her, because it's pretty lucky, but my advice is date a lot even if you're not sure.


That story is very encouraging, thanks. And I like your advice at the end there. I could say you "got lucky" by finding that guy, but it sounds like you had a great attitude going in and were very open-minded about attraction to begin with. There's probably a lesson there for all of us.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

baloff17 said:


> That story is very encouraging, thanks. And I like your advice at the end there. I could say you "got lucky" by finding that guy, but it sounds like you had a great attitude going in and were very open-minded about attraction to begin with. There's probably a lesson there for all of us.


i agree here. It's a fact of life that expectations can't always be met, but sometimes if we try out something different, what we might have considered attractive before might stretch wider and open us to more opportunities.


----------



## jsmith92

Aumelie said:


> I don't know if you want to hear this story from a girl but:
> I was a bartender and waitress for 5 years through uni, got asked out by super confident guys, good looking guys all the time. I dated them, got bored of them.
> 
> The guy of my dreams is bald, short, thin. I took one look at him in a club and said no way. Within 5 minutes I was hooked on him. He danced like an idiot and he loved it. I could tell this guy was a little shy, a little confident and knew what he wanted and would simply say so. That night before I slept with him he told me he liked me more than a ONS and I believed him. 3 years later we're still together, he listens to me I listen to him, I love his anger, his childishness, I just fell in love with him. He doesn't have any money.
> 
> I guess mainly he taught me what I wanted. We women don't know what's on offer or what to expect. Should I expect a guy to compliment me after a year together? To not cheat on me? To help me when I'm sick? We don't know what is on offer these days so we don't know what we want. He taught me I can expect to have a sexy best friend and awesome housemate, and soon husband.
> 
> I've read these PUA 'tips' and these would not work on me. I can't talk about other women. But I do know I fell in love with every flaw and facet of my guy and it's very possible to find your own girl like that. I won't say you will find her, because it's pretty lucky, but my advice is date a lot even if you're not sure.


You are so lucky.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

I'm going to need a battleplan and some balls.

I've been on facebook way too much trying to figure out what she's doing. First step is start going to the gym again to keep busy so I won't get too desperate constantly thinking of her.

The other steps are a bit more difficult. She's goes to 2-3 parties a week, so waiting too long/wanting her too much is a heartbreak waiting to happen. To my (outdated) knowledge she does make out with guys occasionally, but she doesn't sleep with them, so that helps me get to sleep a bit better :b.

Anyways I need to move quick, because chances are she's going to meet some guy who's even more awesome than me at one of these parties, and that would mean game over.

But moving quick isn't as easy as it sounds, my social circle "knows" I don't care for and haven't had sex in 5-6 years (actually ever at all). So any move I make will be interpreted as "Anyoldkindofday wants [Girl] to be his long term girlfriend" rather than the less dangerous "Anyoldkindofday wants to bang [Girl]. So I need to get her alone before I can even think to make a move so there's not too much pressure on her (and me).

Getting her alone is the tricky part. I had one potential opening last week, when she said "There's so many people here, it gives me a bit of social phobia" as a joke(unless she knows I'm on this site :b). I could've suggested going to the roof, but I was too busy with my task of restocking beer to come up with that. I've got 2 retry's coming up next week, and another one in two weeks. One likely at my place (but no reason for her to stay longer than the other 7-8 people), one at a bar with 20-30 friends, more chance to find a spot to be alone, but still hard to get her to that point. Last one is a party, but I don't feel confident at all at parties, dancing in a group is okay, dancing 1on1 is a no-go for me, and if I were to make out with her, then what? I'm not going to immediately take her home, actually not at all, can't avoid her, don't want to cling to her either... So the party seems like a really bad idea..

So I need some sort of a plan to get her alone/secretly gauge her interest, and do it before she meets some other guy. *Which ways do you guys use to see if a (friend) girl is interested?* Been reading some stuff up on google from some of the few PUA's that don't make me want to throw up. (I hate all the PUA bs, but some of them have pretty solid advice even if you want a gf and not just a hookup). However the options my favorite gives are secretly grab her hand, rub her leg, grab her ***. The last two are out of the question for me, and grabbing her hand is still pretty risky imo.. And my usual tactic of joking about it isn't going to work, as me and her can joke about anything so neither of us will have a guarantee that we're not just joking.


----------



## Sourdog

Well I got close to having a girlfriend, but she broke it off with me. Feeling so ****ty, what now?


----------



## bubbletea

Sourdog said:


> Well I got close to having a girlfriend, but she broke it off with me. Feeling so ****ty, what now?


On to another


----------



## Sourdog

bubbletea said:


> On to another


I wish it was that easy. Atleast being with this girl gave me some hope that I am capable of being close with someone. It took me this long just to get close with this girl, now how long is it going to take to find someone else.


----------



## baloff17

I went to a speed-dating thing last Friday night, at a nightclub that had been specially reserved for the event. I got to have five-minute "mini dates" with 18 different women, all in the space of about two hours. Afterwards you went online and selected the people you thought you clicked with and would like to go out on a real date with, and if any of the people you picked also picked you, then you exchange emails and contact each other. I'd never done anything like that before, so I was pretty nervous going in, but once the actual "dates' started I was fine.

In fact, if you'd asked me right after it was over how I did, I would have said "surprisingly great". I had knots in my stomach on the way to the event, and when I first got there and saw people already mingling I felt like turning tail and getting the hell out of there. But once the bell rang for the first date I was amazingly at ease. I shook the first woman's hand and my hands weren't sweating. I joked, I smiled, the conversation flowed easily. Out of 18 women, there were only two I didn't click with at all, and another two who were pleasant enough but not very interesting. The other 14 were all super fun to talk to and had great personalities.

The worst part for me was the break in the middle and then the unstructured mingling time after the event was over. I suck at that kind of thing, because my SA manifests itself the most around groups. All that mingling and stuff is beyond me.

Another big thing that always holds me back from making something happen date-wise is that I feel like I need "permission" to speak to women. The speed-dating format _gave_ me that permission, and I thrived in that environment. But during the break and once the event over, I didn't have that "permission" anymore so I was unable to talk to anyone. I really need to work on that, because I saw a lot was happening during that unstructured time: guys were clustering around the prettiest women and competing for their attentions, people were breaking into little groups and chatting, etc. All of that was beyond me.

Anyway, I was feeling good on the way home. Proud that I did it, proud of the fact that I had a good rapport with so many women, and anticipating that I would have some dates very soon.

I went online as soon as I got home and selected 9 out of 18 women as ones I'd like to see again. I would have felt good about any of them... I didn't pick anyone I wasn't at least a little interested in. Then I sat back and waited for the matches to roll in.

I got one match. That's it. I emailed her and suggested a date, but she didn't respond. Coming up on three days later, she still hasn't. So that's that.

So yeah, I'm glad I did it, but the results were pretty depressing. It's been years since I've been on a date, mostly because I feel like I'm not good-looking enough. But secretly I always thought that if girls just got a chance to meet me and talk to me that they would like my personality. And that maybe that would make a girl feel attracted to me, despite my looks. Well, that didn't happen.

There are a few different ways to look at it, I guess:

One is that I'm not physically attractive enough. That's depressing but not insurmountable. I can't do anything about my face, but I can get in better shape, buy better clothes, lose the long hair, etc.

The second possibility is that my personality isn't as good as I think it is. This idea is *seriously* depressing, because that's really all I have going for me.

The third possibility is that I just got unlucky, and that I shouldn't draw any conclusions from my lack of success. Maybe the 9 women I _didn't_ pick were all interested in me, and would have dated me if I'd picked them. Maybe this particular batch of women just happened to be really picky and hard to please. Maybe the other guys at the event (none of whom I talked to or even looked at - I don't fraternize with the enemy, haha) were all better looking than me, with better personalities, better and more interesting jobs, etc. Who knows?

All I can say is, my confidence is shaken but not destroyed. I guess I'll just have to meet a lot more women before I find one who's attracted to me. Maybe it *is* like finding a needle in a haystack... but even if that's true, it just means I'd better start pawing through that haystack as often as possible, and not stop until I feel that needle stick in my hand.


----------



## Zeeshan

^ at least you did something new, and 1 match isn't that bad. I would imagine that all men probably selected 9-10 Matches, while the women mostly did 2 matches each at the most


----------



## rymo

baloff17 said:


> I went to a speed-dating thing


It's inevitable that this result would shake your confidence a bit. But props for going through with it and still maintaining a pretty positive attitude. I would have been much more bummed about the outcome myself because I'm a *****, but because you're still keeping it together you'll get there if you keep trying.

Now is the time to look at your interactions completely objectively. How was your body language? How was your flirting? Were the conversations very basic, or did you get at all sexual with it? The handshake thing right off the bat was great, but did you make any additional physical contact? I know it's only a couple minutes but you can still at least think about how the conversations would have progressed if it were longer than that. In other words, how did they progress or how would they have progressed differently from if you were talking to a guy? Sidenote: the mingling portion of the event is tough, that moment where you have to be spontaneous and just approach people. But...be glad you weren't one of those sheep crowding around the pretty girl, vying for her attention. Those guys are super lame ;P

Finally - your look. Yes, you can't change your face, but you seem like you're a good-looking guy. Your avatar here shows that, but the look you're giving is a little bit intense and the hair is...well it's hard to see but I think you would be better off with a modern, short haircut. It's impossible for me to say 100% without knowing you, but I would bet that you could do a lot better with a bit of a makeover. Hair, clothes, and improved body language (if that is also an issue) would go a long way. If you feel like your personality is solid, then do some shopping and work on the other stuff. Not only will it make you feel better changing things up a bit, but that improved look and demeanor will garner better reactions from girls, which will in turn make you feel even better. And so on.


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## baloff17

Thanks, Zeeshan and rymo!



rymo said:


> Now is the time to look at your interactions completely objectively. How was your body language? How was your flirting? Were the conversations very basic, or did you get at all sexual with it? The handshake thing right off the bat was great, but did you make any additional physical contact? I know it's only a couple minutes but you can still at least think about how the conversations would have progressed if it were longer than that. In other words, how did they progress or how would they have progressed differently from if you were talking to a guy?.


I think my body language was fine. I felt very relaxed and just sort of went with how I felt at the moment, based on the energy of each particular conversation. With some women I sat back, legs spread, shoulders open, draping my arm over the back of the sofa we were sitting on, etc. With some women I sat with my elbows on my knees, hands clasped, leaning forward while we talked. I always maintained eye contact with each one. One woman in particular seemed to have no "personal space" issues whatsoever and actually scooted closer to me when I sat down, so that our faces were like 6 inches away from each other. I could feel her breath on my cheek; it was shockingly intimate. But still, she didn't pick me at the end of the night. :|

Your other questions nail the bigger issue I think: I don't think I really "flirted" at all. I joked and asked lots of questions, but it was all friendly rather than sexual. I told one her girl she had an amazing smile and another one I finally met at the end of the event that she was "worth the wait". I shook hands with each woman when I sat down and again when I left, I gave one woman a high five when she said she'd accomplished her dream of living in Manhattan for a couple of years, and patted one woman on the shoulder in a friendly, sympathetic way when she told a sad anecdote. But I wasn't sexual _at all,_ and I didn't make any flirty/saucy comments. Basically, I feel like if the purpose of this event had been to make new female friends, I would have cleaned up, haha. But unfortunately it was set up exclusively to find romantic partners. Which I'm realizing now is something that's difficult for me, presenting myself in that way.



rymo said:


> Finally - your look. Yes, you can't change your face, but you seem like you're a good-looking guy. Your avatar here shows that, but the look you're giving is a little bit intense and the hair is...well it's hard to see but I think you would be better off with a modern, short haircut. It's impossible for me to say 100% without knowing you, but I would bet that you could do a lot better with a bit of a makeover. Hair, clothes, and improved body language (if that is also an issue) would go a long way. If you feel like your personality is solid, then do some shopping and work on the other stuff. Not only will it make you feel better changing things up a bit, but that improved look and demeanor will garner better reactions from girls, which will in turn make you feel even better. And so on.


Thanks for this objective feedback rymo, it's really what I needed to hear. Yes, I agree that I'm long overdue for a makeover. I do think that picture gives the wrong impression about me, because I actually smile a lot and keep things light when I meet people...I just hate having my picture taken and tend to get all serious and glum whenever a camera is pointed at me. I suspect my long hair is unattractive to a lot of women, but then I had short hair for most of my life and I never found a hairstyle that looked good on me. Maybe it's time to try again. And god yes, clothes! Clothes are my Achilles heel, I have no fashion sense at all. I think I need to hire somebody who knows how to dress to go shopping with me.

Anyway, thanks a lot for taking the time to give me this advice rymo, I really appreciate it.


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## pacasio1

Have been going out with a girl I met online. Had two dates, I feel nothing will come of it. I'm still trying to make something happen.


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## the collector

This is a really good thread...I never knew...I've been missing out on so much.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Actively but unintentionally shooting myself in the balls..

Girl I'm interested in was at my house together with 10 others, I get this little toy from a chocolate egg, she asks if she can have it, I let her have it. Later that night they eventually all leave together. When they've been gone for an hour I notice she left the toy at my place, I drop her a message on FB to let her know she forgot it, she says Nooooo, I'll come get it, be there in 20. Since it's a very insignificant item this is 95% sure a sarcastic joke, so I treat it as such and joke back. However instead of making a joke suggesting she come get it I joke about it being impossible for her to come get it, turning that 5% chance of her coming over into 0.01% chance. I try to recover later, but by then I already get no more response. Next day still no response, FB tells me she didn't see the recovery message till noon the next day, now I'm left wondering if she didn't get the message or ignored it cause I was being too obvious in wanting her to come over... Now the question is, do I make a move when I see her tonight, or do I let this fail blow over for a bit..

I wish I wasn't such a moron that always assumes text conversations work like normal conversations and don't end at random moments.. I always shoot myself in the nuts going for some big buildup before making a move and then the conversation dies halfway in.


----------



## Lonely Hobbit

I haven't really done much to get a girl. Whenever I see a girl I'm attracted to, I'm scared sh_i_tless of approaching her. I'll keep thinking of what to say, trying to find the right pickup line and all that does is just create more anxiety.

Bars seem to be a popular place to meet women but I don't really care for them plus I don't have any friends to go with.

I've browsed some profiles on PoF to see if it's even worth the time to set up an account but none of the girls really interest me. There are definitely some attractive ones but none that I'd wanna spend time with.


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> Actively but unintentionally shooting myself in the balls..
> 
> Girl I'm interested in was at my house together with 10 others, I get this little toy from a chocolate egg, she asks if she can have it, I let her have it. Later that night they eventually all leave together. When they've been gone for an hour I notice she left the toy at my place, I drop her a message on FB to let her know she forgot it, she says Nooooo, I'll come get it, be there in 20. Since it's a very insignificant item this is 95% sure a sarcastic joke, so I treat it as such and joke back. However instead of making a joke suggesting she come get it I joke about it being impossible for her to come get it, turning that 5% chance of her coming over into 0.01% chance. I try to recover later, but by then I already get no more response. Next day still no response, FB tells me she didn't see the recovery message till noon the next day, now I'm left wondering if she didn't get the message or ignored it cause I was being too obvious in wanting her to come over... Now the question is, do I make a move when I see her tonight, or do I let this fail blow over for a bit..
> 
> I wish I wasn't such a moron that always assumes text conversations work like normal conversations and don't end at random moments.. I always shoot myself in the nuts going for some big buildup before making a move and then the conversation dies halfway in.


The only problem was trying to "recover" from something that wasn't even a fail. You made a joke, and that's fine! If she wants to come over, then instead of trying to go back on your joke (which then becomes the real fail), just seize upon that some other time! Something so innocuous won't ruin your chances with a girl you see fairly often. Either way, you're still fine - give it your best shot and ask her out!


----------



## anyoldkindofday

rymo said:


> The only problem was trying to "recover" from something that wasn't even a fail. You made a joke, and that's fine! If she wants to come over, then instead of trying to go back on your joke (which then becomes the real fail), just seize upon that some other time! Something so innocuous won't ruin your chances with a girl you see fairly often. Either way, you're still fine - give it your best shot and ask her out!


Thing is I guided her away from the coming over, then tried to return to that subject, I'm not sure if it was necessarily a terrible fail, it wasn't that I'd returned to it out of the blue or anything, but she didn't respond, possibly because facebook didn't send her the message at the moment, I've had this with her quite a few times when we use FB on our phones.

Anyways, the fail is that this girl gets way too much attention to delay making a move and I was handed an opportunity on a silver platter here, I just had to make her joke funny enough for her go through with it.

But that wasn't the worst, tonight I went to this karaoke, which usually I love, but tonight it was terrible for me. I'm not sure if it's cause I was on the verge of becoming ill, there were a ton of "new" people or because I felt like I had to make a move. It was very visible on me that I only had fun for about half an hour. Haven't spoken to her all night, she was way too busy to walk up to me and I didn't feel good enough to feel like approaching her.

Let's just hope she was too busy to notice I felt like **** for most of the night. Really doubting whether I should go to this party next week though, a karaoke is really my thing, a party really is not, if I have problems with my comfortzone, stepping out of it might be fatal for my self-esteem...

Thanks for the comment anyways!


----------



## Lonely Hobbit

I went to a Barnes and Noble with the sole purpose of approaching women. It was midday on a weekday so there weren't many women there to begin with. I really only saw one woman who looked attractive at first glance but I got too nervous and kept walking. 

As I was leaving there were two girls walking in front of me. One of them held them door open long enough for me to grab it. I guess it's just common courtesy but I just thought I'd throw that in there. I thanked her and that was that.

I know I should go on the weekends or at night when it's busier. I mainly just wanted to get out of the house. The traffic was nerve wracking though. Maybe I'll go somewhere else next time.


----------



## shykid

I'm back on a dating site. Been chatting with this girl for a couple of days. She seems really nice. Asked for her number, but she said no. :| She told me that she doesn't give her number away so easily because she has had a "bad experience". Umm what now? :afr  Is she interested or not? :um


----------



## the collector

shykid said:


> I'm back on a dating site. Been chatting with this girl for a couple of days. She seems really nice. Asked for her number, but she said no. :| She told me that she doesn't give her number away so easily because she has had a "bad experience". Umm what now? :afr  Is she interested or not? :um


If she is still engaging you in conversation then she has to have some interest...


----------



## shykid

the collector said:


> If she is still engaging you in conversation then she has to have some interest...


Should I continue chatting like nothings happened and try to get her number later? Or back off for a while and wait for her to initiate..


----------



## the collector

shykid said:


> Should I continue chatting like nothings happened and try to get her number later? Or back off for a while and wait for her to initiate..


i dunno man.....
:afr

i have no success with this sorta thing:con:dead


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## jsmith92

shykid said:


> Should I continue chatting like nothings happened and try to get her number later? Or back off for a while and wait for her to initiate..


If she isn't giving you her number I'd just leave it. Forget her. You will have to wait weeks to ask her again and at that point she might have moved on anyway.


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## shykid

I have nothing to loose. I'll keep it going for a while and see what happens..


----------



## huh

I had a date last night with what was probably the most normal girl I've ever met online. We grabbed a bite to eat at a coffee place and then went bowling/had some drinks. It was actually a lot of fun and I thought it went pretty well. Hopefully I'll be seeing her again soon, as I'm trying to make plans with her next weekend.

If it doesn't work out...then meh, but this is the first girl I've met from online dating that: 1.) I actually found physically attractive from the start. 2.) Has her own place and doesn't live with a roomie/family. 3.) Shares a lot of the same views/interests as me and seems like a pretty smart person overall.


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## jsmith92

shykid said:


> I have nothing to loose. I'll keep it going for a while and see what happens..


It will be too awkward from here on I presume. That's usually what happens.


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## shykid

jsmith92 said:


> It will be too awkward from here on I presume. That's usually what happens.


It was awkward for a moment but we got past that.. I don't know if this will ever turn in to something, probably not, but I can try.


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## huh

shykid said:


> It was awkward for a moment but we got past that.. I don't know if this will ever turn in to something, probably not, but I can try.


That certainly seems pretty unusual. I had a girl do something similar to me actually. We were exchanging messages for about 2 weeks so I asked for her number so we could text or plan to go out sometime. She declined, but continued to talk to me. Eventually she gave me her email address and we've been going back and forth for a while.

But at what point are you supposed to give it another shot and ask for a number or something? I'm not too sure. I actually feel like the onus is on them at that point to initiate a date or exchange phone numbers. But I've run across very very few girls that ever take that initiative.


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## jsgt

huh said:


> I had a date last night with what was probably the most normal girl I've ever met online. We grabbed a bite to eat at a coffee place and then went bowling/had some drinks. It was actually a lot of fun and I thought it went pretty well. Hopefully I'll be seeing her again soon, as I'm trying to make plans with her next weekend.
> 
> If it doesn't work out...then meh, but this is the first girl I've met from online dating that: 1.) I actually found physically attractive from the start. 2.) Has her own place and doesn't live with a roomie/family. 3.) Shares a lot of the same views/interests as me and seems like a pretty smart person overall.


Very cool man, good luck to ya!


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## apx24

Aumelie said:


> I don't know if you want to hear this story from a girl but:
> I was a bartender and waitress for 5 years through uni, got asked out by super confident guys, good looking guys all the time. I dated them, got bored of them.
> 
> The guy of my dreams is bald, short, thin. I took one look at him in a club and said no way. Within 5 minutes I was hooked on him. He danced like an idiot and he loved it. I could tell this guy was a little shy, a little confident and knew what he wanted and would simply say so. That night before I slept with him he told me he liked me more than a ONS and I believed him. 3 years later we're still together, he listens to me I listen to him, I love his anger, his childishness, I just fell in love with him. He doesn't have any money.
> 
> I guess mainly he taught me what I wanted. We women don't know what's on offer or what to expect. Should I expect a guy to compliment me after a year together? To not cheat on me? To help me when I'm sick? We don't know what is on offer these days so we don't know what we want. He taught me I can expect to have a sexy best friend and awesome housemate, and soon husband.
> 
> I've read these PUA 'tips' and these would not work on me. I can't talk about other women. But I do know I fell in love with every flaw and facet of my guy and it's very possible to find your own girl like that. I won't say you will find her, because it's pretty lucky, but my advice is date a lot even if you're not sure.


So him being small and bald was an instant turn off for you at first. That's good to know.


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## shykid

huh said:


> That certainly seems pretty unusual. I had a girl do something similar to me actually. We were exchanging messages for about 2 weeks so I asked for her number so we could text or plan to go out sometime. She declined, but continued to talk to me. Eventually she gave me her email address and we've been going back and forth for a while.
> 
> But at what point are you supposed to give it another shot and ask for a number or something? I'm not too sure. I actually feel like the onus is on them at that point to initiate a date or exchange phone numbers. But I've run across very very few girls that ever take that initiative.


I don't know man.. I hope she gives it to me herself once she gets to know me better.


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## Canadian Brotha

I activated my OkCupid account again. Not much but it can't hurt


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## srschirm

Been on a few dates after my breakup, but I'm honestly questioning my readiness to date now.


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## Darktower776

There is a girl at work- she works for a different company that takes surveys inside where I work- who I thought might be interested.

She would approach me and talk and things like that. She smokes though I don't know how much, which is a turn-off. However I haven't had much time to talk to her as I only see her once a week usually. However today she was eating lunch in the restaurant area and she was sitting with this guy that I didn't recognize. I'm pretty sure he doesn't work there. I'm thinking its her boyfriend but it might not be. Anyway it put a damper on that.


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## Man01

What am I doing? Working on myself, running my own business, enjoying my hobbies and going to evening classes etc. Unfortunately I've been doing it for over 2 years now and had no luck at all, not even a glance :/


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## Sourdog

Going back to dating sites, this should be interesting. Also trying to work up the courage to talk to some of the girls 1 on 1 in my class.


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## thetown

I guess getting girls in high school is much much easier than in career/adult life. I generally prefer it if a girl talks to me first to me actually hunting them down. But to answer the question: no, I'm not really doing anything. I have way too much things and responsibilities as of currently.


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## jsmith92

Lovecrushed said:


> I guess getting girls in high school is much much easier than in career/adult life. I generally prefer it if a girl talks to me first to me actually hunting them down. But to answer the question: no, I'm not really doing anything. I have way too much things and responsibilities as of currently.


There's this one girl that always talks to me in one of my classes I just don't know what my feelings for her are exactly like. I do find her extremely hot but I just am not super interested. She seems somewhat ignorant to a certain extent but she's so hot. It just is so contradictory.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> There's this one girl that always talks to me in one of my classes I just don't know what my feelings for her are exactly like. I do find her extremely hot but I just am not super interested. She seems somewhat ignorant to a certain extent but she's so hot. It just is so contradictory.


So go for it. You don't have to find the love of your life in high school. Get some experience under your belt so it'll become easier to talk to girls in the future.


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## srschirm

rymo said:


> So go for it. You don't have to find the love of your life in high school. Get some experience under your belt so it'll become easier to talk to girls in the future.


Agreed.


----------



## srschirm

Buckyx said:


> seems everyone is so smart here, how would you approach a girl? there is 1 in college dorm, we pass by maybe 1-2 times a week, she was the first to say hi and even smile but we have never talked .. there is so short time I can react when I see her lol


Next time ask her which class she is on her way towards, perhaps.


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## rymo

Buckyx said:


> I mean we meet in college dorm and mostly in the evening, think this would sound stupid :/


Then just ask her what she's up to. It really doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say it with confidence and a smile. It's college, so ask her what college-y things she's up to (party, club, class, sport, homework, whatever).


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Then just ask her what she's up to. It really doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say it with confidence and a smile. It's college, so ask her what college-y things she's up to (party, club, class, sport, homework, whatever).


Right.


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## anyoldkindofday

I've barely ran into or spoken to the girl I like since my potential fail, and generally losing confidence each day, so the future isn't looking too bright right now in this department..


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I knew she was done writing on friday, but only confirmed it yesterday. I had a chance, it was my que to ask her out but I didn't take the chance *facepalm*. F**king up is not an option anymore. I have to tell myself its either she wants to or she doesn't want to hangout. The thought of her chilling at her place doing nothing is making me feel all that pressure to ask her out now. Luckily her friends visited her on monday and her cousin visited her yesterday. Otherwise she is gonna make plans before we even get to meet up. My little nephew is also on a school break so I must make a flexible plan that will work out. Can't chill at the park, people are just a freaking nuisance and immature here (saw my old bully a few hours ago, he wanted to shake my hand and look me in the eye, I think he was sizing me up or something,,stupid f**k,,) I want to keep things private. Girl lives like a freaking 3 minutes walking distance.


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I knew she was done writing on friday, but only confirmed it yesterday. I had a chance, it was my que to ask her out but I didn't take the chance *facepalm*. F**king up is not an option anymore. I have to tell myself its either she wants to or she doesn't want to hangout. The thought of her chilling at her place doing nothing is making me feel all that pressure to ask her out now. Luckily her friends visited her on monday and her cousin visited her yesterday. Otherwise she is gonna make plans before we even get to meet up. My little nephew is also on a school break so I must make a flexible plan that will work out. Can't chill at the park, people are just a freaking nuisance and immature here (saw my old bully a few hours ago, he wanted to shake my hand and look me in the eye, I think he was sizing me up or something,,stupid f**k,,) I want to keep things private. Girl lives like a freaking 3 minutes walking distance.


I have no idea what you just said, but yeh man, ask her out!! We're all rooting for ya!!!!!!


----------



## Darktower776

Any of you guys have trouble finding girls that are single?

I swear it seems like some girls are interested- even approaching first to talk- but then it always seems they have a boyfriend. Luckily I didn't ask any of them out yet and embarrass myself but it seems like most girls are always in a relationship.


----------



## andy1984

i'm just failing at online dating


----------



## jsmith92

Darktower776 said:


> Any of you guys have trouble finding girls that are single?
> 
> I swear it seems like some girls are interested- even approaching first to talk- but then it always seems they have a boyfriend. Luckily I didn't ask any of them out yet and embarrass myself but it seems like most girls are always in a relationship.


I haven't spoken to any girls I have liked or have been interested in or have had a crush on for 2 years now.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> I have no idea what you just said, but yeh man, ask her out!! We're all rooting for ya!!!!!!


This made me LOL.


----------



## Cyclonic

Currently nothing. I've been enjoying my hobbies, working hard, and making money. If someone comes along, cool...if not, no big deal. I'm happy with my life right now and that's all I ever wanted.

I still go out to bars and such on weekends, but I do it more for the atmosphere, drinks, and music now rather than looking for a female partner. Finding a relationship has become such a low priority in my life that I don't even feel the need for it anymore...and that makes me happy.


----------



## VinBZ

Buckyx said:


> seems everyone is so smart here, how would you approach a girl? there is 1 in college dorm, we pass by maybe 1-2 times a week, she was the first to say hi and even smile but we have never talked .. there is so short time I can react when I see her lol


Have you met? As in, exchanged names? Start with that.


----------



## srschirm

Madax said:


> Currently nothing. I've been enjoying my hobbies, working hard, and making money. If someone comes along, cool...if not, no big deal. I'm happy with my life right now and that's all I ever wanted.
> 
> I still go out to bars and such on weekends, but I do it more for the atmosphere, drinks, and music now rather than looking for a female partner. Finding a relationship has become such a low priority in my life that I don't even feel the need for it anymore...and that makes me happy.


That's a good attitude to have!


----------



## Rashomon89

Agree, good attitude madax. 

I havent been dating for a whole year. Few weeks ago I went on a date with super hot looking, and extremely self confident girl. She's a social butterfly, opposite of me. We met in a weird and funny way and I was really surprised she agreed on a date.

It was nice date, we were laughing all the time, and there was a lot of flirting involved. Nothing happened because she is way too much unapproachable and defensive , and we couldn't agree on 2nd date. After a lot of meaningless facebook chatting it turned out that good looks and over the top self confidence is all she have. Only for a moment she showed some good side and put her mask off.

She just talks how good is she, how boys are pathetic, and how self sufficient she is. After I made clear what I want from her, she became even more cold, arrogant and defensive. It's funny how she craves for attention but actually talks the opposite.

I think I won't be searching for relationship so desperately from now on. The right one will appear in my life sooner or later. I'll just keep my own business and stay cool.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Rashomon89 said:


> Agree, good attitude madax.
> 
> I havent been dating for a whole year. Few weeks ago I went on a date with super hot looking, and extremely self confident girl. She's a social butterfly, opposite of me. We met in a weird and funny way and I was really surprised she agreed on a date.
> 
> It was nice date, we were laughing all the time, and there was a lot of flirting involved. *Nothing happened because she is way too much unapproachable and defensive *, and we couldn't agree on 2nd date. After a lot of meaningless facebook chatting it turned out that good looks and over the top self confidence is all she have. Only for a moment she showed some good side and put her mask off.
> 
> She just talks how good is she, how boys are pathetic, and how self sufficient she is. *After I made clear what I want from her*, she became even more cold, arrogant and defensive. It's funny how she craves for attention but actually talks the opposite.
> 
> I think I won't be searching for relationship so desperately from now on. The right one will appear in my life sooner or later. I'll just keep my own business and stay cool.


Can you explain what you mean by the two bolded bits?


----------



## Barette

^it sounds like he was on a date with calichick


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Barette said:


> ^it sounds like he was on a date with calichick


lol! If his location was California I'd have to wonder.


----------



## estse

I've been waxing my forearms and eating flaming salad, but still I have not got the girl.


----------



## someguy85

bwidger85 here. 

i take it a step at a time lately. i think sometimes i enjoy my solitude too much, and on purpose. i realize i change my mind a lot, which i think has a lot to do with how i feel or how busy i am, etc.

i went on a date with a girl last week who i wasn't that into. haven't been motivated to do anything since. moving to chicago in about 4 months. after all the stuff i've been through regarding this area of my life, i can probably say that i'm where i want to be, and if i feel the need, i'll act on it. given my past record, i'll probably continue this trend unless i end up with someone who i really like.

the process continues to go in cycles from not caring for a while to caring for a short period of time with limited success to not caring again for a while. on and on.


----------



## someguy85

Buckyx said:


> seems everyone is so smart here, how would you approach a girl? there is 1 in college dorm, we pass by maybe 1-2 times a week, she was the first to say hi and even smile but we have never talked .. there is so short time I can react when I see her lol


Next time you see her, talk to her. Ask her how she likes dorm life, what's her major, how she like college, etc., etc. A good way to start up a conversation is to be like, "hey! i see you a lot walking in the dorm and wanted to introduce myself". Then, go into conversation. You can ask if maybe she'd like to hang out sometime, or you can ask again later when you see her again. Exchange numbers and set up a date.

With regard to dating, if you aren't putting your neck on the line you tend to go nowhere and rejection is normal in dating.


----------



## Zeeshan

someguy85 said:


> bwidger85 here.
> 
> i take it a step at a time lately. i think sometimes i enjoy my solitude too much, and on purpose. i realize i change my mind a lot, which i think has a lot to do with how i feel or how busy i am, etc.
> 
> i went on a date with a girl last week who i wasn't that into. haven't been motivated to do anything since. moving to chicago in about 4 months. after all the stuff i've been through regarding this area of my life, i can probably say that i'm where i want to be, and if i feel the need, i'll act on it. given my past record, i'll probably continue this trend unless i end up with someone who i really like.
> 
> the process continues to go in cycles from not caring for a while to caring for a short period of time with limited success to not caring again for a while. on and on.


Good to hear from you brah, good to hear you are doing well.


----------



## Zeeshan

Rashomon89 said:


> It's funny how she craves for attention but actually talks the opposite.
> 
> )


You gotta love women


----------



## Brandeezy

So I set up an OKCupid account, how do you get messages and all that jazz. I answered like 100+ questions and now i'm sitting here waiting for someone to even look at my profile. I sent some messages too but no response yet


----------



## srschirm

someguy85 said:


> bwidger85 here.
> 
> i take it a step at a time lately. i think sometimes i enjoy my solitude too much, and on purpose. i realize i change my mind a lot, which i think has a lot to do with how i feel or how busy i am, etc.
> 
> i went on a date with a girl last week who i wasn't that into. haven't been motivated to do anything since. moving to chicago in about 4 months. after all the stuff i've been through regarding this area of my life, i can probably say that i'm where i want to be, and if i feel the need, i'll act on it. given my past record, i'll probably continue this trend unless i end up with someone who i really like.
> 
> the process continues to go in cycles from not caring for a while to caring for a short period of time with limited success to not caring again for a while. on and on.


What happened to your old s/n, bro? Sounds like it might be time to pick things up once you make it to Chi-town.


----------



## estse

I'm scratching backs.


----------



## someguy85

srschirm said:


> What happened to your old s/n, bro? Sounds like it might be time to pick things up once you make it to Chi-town.


I wanted to stop coming here and also wanted to delete that name because i dont like it so close to my original name linked online. Likely, ill continue the sane trend in chicago unless i meet someone i really like


----------



## someguy85

Brandeezy said:


> So I set up an OKCupid account, how do you get messages and all that jazz. I answered like 100+ questions and now i'm sitting here waiting for someone to even look at my profile. I sent some messages too but no response yet


GL. I did the pof thing a month back, sent 40 messages, nit one reply. Approaching in real life seems like the only viable oprion sometimes, but i dont put much effort online either


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Hope I get another chance, these past two weeks have been ****ty..


----------



## Ignopius

Bunnymoo7 said:


> I once went to a club with a guy friend.
> Girl came up to me and asked if i wanted to dance.
> I said 'sure why not?'
> We danced a little, then she grabbed me and stuck her tongue down my throat.
> Was i giving off a lesbian vibe or what?
> I dont even need to try to get girls ^^
> 
> Too bad im straight..
> ..
> Ohwait i have no probs getting guys, either
> 
> (In a very up myself type of mood today)
> 
> Yup.
> 
> *strolls away with sunnies on into sunset*


Hot stuff!!!! :clap


----------



## rymo

Brandeezy said:


> @rymo @George McFly
> 
> Forget it, i deleted my profile. Waste of time and i got nowhere


Man you're not gonna get anywhere giving up that easily.


----------



## Lonely Hobbit

LichtLune said:


> What am I doing to get a girl? Being a weirdo and creeping on girls on the net because I'm not interested in any girls where I'm from. Even the ones I am interested in (very very rare) I never have the opportunity to really talk with them.
> 
> I think I've become sort of desperate lately... I'm so depressed all the time and i just wish I could find love but I know it's impossible in my current situation. Just have to ignore it and move on for the time being.


Same here. I can't remember the last time I met a girl I liked in my area.


----------



## someguy85

I have a hard time finding the motivation anymore, and I'm not exactly sure why. Is it because I'm busy? I'm not that busy anymore. Is it because I have nothing to "prove" to myself anymore? Eh, doubt it. Not even sure if the reason I have wanted a girlfriend in that past had to do more with indoctrination by society or via a natural process? I don't want it via the indoctrination way. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and idea that seems to excite me is the "passion" is brings into my life in the sense of vigor and excitement, but I think I need a specific woman for that, and not just any woman. Haha, just some ideas...


----------



## srschirm

someguy85 said:


> I have a hard time finding the motivation anymore, and I'm not exactly sure why. Is it because I'm busy? I'm not that busy anymore. Is it because I have nothing to "prove" to myself anymore? Eh, doubt it. Not even sure if the reason I have wanted a girlfriend in that past had to do more with indoctrination by society or via a natural process? I don't want it via the indoctrination way. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and idea that seems to excite me is the "passion" is brings into my life in the sense of vigor and excitement, but I think I need a specific woman for that, and not just any woman. Haha, just some ideas...


I could find a woman tonight, but I too want that special person. I hate the fact I'm having to enter the dating field again. I just want to find the right person for me and stop looking around.


----------



## someguy85

srschirm said:


> I could find a woman tonight, but I too want that special person. I hate the fact I'm having to enter the dating field again. I just want to find the right person for me and stop looking around.


I feel ya there. Ideas change a lot for me in this area. But I ultimately like the idea of meeting one special girl over a dozen others. I guess if you feel like you know what you want and feel that excitement of possibilities then that's a good indicator. The process of finding that person often puts me back on the "not really caring" spectrum for a while, which then I have to find some form of motivation again, which doesn't always appear to be the same motivation from last time. I usually end up alone because for a variety of reasons I could spew on about, which often I am fine with. It's weird for me to understand most the time, like I am supposed to be in a relationship or dating? Or am I one of these people who aren't apparently like the rest? Still confused on that because my motivations change all the time lol (loneliness? experiences? passion? insecurities?)..on and on lol. I don't think it is meant to be this confusing haha


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Thursday and friday, will be the first time we would truly hangout alone, without my friend or her friends. I feel like i'm in way over my head though. I feel nervous for her too because she is shy herself. So in the past months: I called her to tell her how I feel about her and I texted her how I feel about her. Now I might have to tell her how much I like her to her face at some point. For me this is a milestone already, but I want my dreams to be my reality.
All I want is some progress.


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Thursday and friday, will be the first time we would truly hangout alone, without my friend or her friends. I feel like i'm in way over my head though. I feel nervous for her too because she is shy herself. So in the past months: I called her to tell her how I feel about her and I texted her how I feel about her. Now I might have to tell her how much I like her to her face at some point. For me this is a milestone already, but I want my dreams to be my reality.
> All I want is some progress.


You called her and told her how you feel? What did she say?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

rymo said:


> You called her and told her how you feel? What did she say?


Oh that was like in September, she was shocked. She did say "-in a good way", she didn't really reveal her feelings then because she sounded nervous. I think in October, I texted her some long message about how I feel about her and our situation. She replied that she really likes me a lot but I should take things step by step. I kind of know she likes me (I had hints even before confession, but I still feel unsure somehow), but I am afraid she might get nervous and push me away a bit. So I should really get her comfortable with me to talk about anything. We are kind of similar to each other in a way. I just feel nervous about tomorrow, but I know things will go well. She can be responsive too so conversation won't really go bad I hope. These aren't my hugest worries though. My biggest worry is if she looks like she wants a kiss (O_0). I have never kissed a girl, so I am afraid of chickening out. Actually screw this: I should just relax . Wish me luck.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Oh well, I called her just now. It sounded like she had her cousin and nephews over. I asked about tomorrow, and she said her cousin might accompany her out. I was disappointed , but was a pretty funny conversation. We talked about what we are doing this month. She mentioned how I was always busy during the middle of the year when she tried to meet up. I felt really guilty about not giving her time, but I explained to her and promised her that wouldn't happen again. ( i think later i might just apologize again for giving her mixed signals and explain again) We talked for a while, she even asked if it were ok to come to my house like after sunday service (church girl). I also told her whenever she wants to talk or has plans, she must send a call back or text and I will call her back ( i repeated this like a 1000 times lol). We talked a good 30+ minutes. I really do think things might workout, but with some patience.

Edit: So this morning, I texted her a message apologizing for being busy in the middle of the year when she told me she wanted to meet up. Afterwards I just chilled and browsed the internet. 17:00: There was a knock on the door:... It was her ( 0_O). I was so shocked. She had her lil brother with though. Oh the nervousness.


----------



## shykid

Ahh I hate this.. I always get attached too soon and when it ends it hurts like hell.. :/


----------



## jsmith92

shykid said:


> Ahh I hate this.. I always get attached too soon and when it ends it hurts like hell.. :/


I have the same problem.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Great, I've reached a point where I'm going to feel like **** every day until I've asked her out. But at the same time I feel like asking her out right now would be a definite fail, as we're nowhere near as fun around eachother as we used to. I'd have to bring it up out of the blue and it just doesn't feel right anymore.

I have no clue on how to set up a situation in which I'd feel comfortable asking her. There will always be mutual friends around, and if I were to ask those friends to help me get some alone time it'd feel too scripted..

If I ever had a chance I feel like I really blew it by waiting too long...


----------



## laagamer

Sup all.

Been awhile.

Looks like I'm back here again. :b


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Sup all.
> 
> Been awhile.
> 
> Looks like I'm back here again. :b


holy s**t. 

where have u been all along man?


----------



## estse

I'm rearranging vacuums and overdubbing VHS porn with soap operas. Still no #$%^#$ girl!!!!


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> holy s**t.
> 
> where have u been all along man?


You know, around. 

That chick dumped me about a week ago, so I guess I'm back here.

Yay lol


----------



## pagemaster

This is my first post here. I joined the community to just lurk really, I find a lot of the posts are pretty interesting.

Well anyways, here's what I am doing to "find a girl".

_*I'm doing everything for myself.*_

Now let me explain. I got out of a 7 year relationship about a year and a few months ago. This was my first girlfriend. Since the break up I have discovered so much more about myself that I didn't know. I started a gym routine, 5 days a week to let off stress, not to find a woman, but to better myself. To push myself to limits I was unsure my body could reach. I don't want to sound like a douche, but I've gotten pretty huge. A lot of my friends don't even recognize me anymore and congratulate me on my success thus far. I've noticed women taking more interest in me, the casual glancing, etc. I've also started towards a new and better career path, making the most money I have ever made.

I know this sounds like nothing at all, but here comes the kicker. I'm literally talking to 5 women right now, pretty much every day. One has a boyfriend and is probably the prettiest girl I've ever talked to, and I really don't even care. I'm doing things for myself and they are all falling into place on their own. I'm not going out hunting or searching, I'm hanging out with friends, laughing, living my life, going to shows/bookstores and finding out more about myself. When she comes, she'll come.


----------



## someguy85

Going to try and meet some girls soon. Probably near this weekend or starting next week. Probably keep updated


----------



## rymo

pagemaster said:


> This is my first post here. I joined the community to just lurk really, I find a lot of the posts are pretty interesting.
> 
> Well anyways, here's what I am doing to "find a girl".
> 
> _*I'm doing everything for myself.*_
> 
> Now let me explain. I got out of a 7 year relationship about a year and a few months ago. This was my first girlfriend. Since the break up I have discovered so much more about myself that I didn't know. I started a gym routine, 5 days a week to let off stress, not to find a woman, but to better myself. To push myself to limits I was unsure my body could reach. I don't want to sound like a douche, but I've gotten pretty huge. A lot of my friends don't even recognize me anymore and congratulate me on my success thus far. I've noticed women taking more interest in me, the casual glancing, etc. I've also started towards a new and better career path, making the most money I have ever made.
> 
> I know this sounds like nothing at all, but here comes the kicker. I'm literally talking to 5 women right now, pretty much every day. One has a boyfriend and is probably the prettiest girl I've ever talked to, and I really don't even care. I'm doing things for myself and they are all falling into place on their own. I'm not going out hunting or searching, I'm hanging out with friends, laughing, living my life, going to shows/bookstores and finding out more about myself. When she comes, she'll come.


Very impressive! I find if you just do more stuff and have an active life and not self-pity then things do fall into place. I have a hard time staying active myself what with having anxiety and no friends but the few times I have been things were great. Anyway, keep it up man!


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Code:







laagamer said:


> You know, around.
> 
> That chick dumped me about a week ago, so I guess I'm back here.
> 
> Yay lol


ah sorry bout that man. Why the break up?

But you were "there" though, in a relationship. Now you know you can get a girlfriend . You showed us it is possible !! We need that positivity here sometimes


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

pagemaster said:


> This is my first post here. I joined the community to just lurk really, I find a lot of the posts are pretty interesting.
> 
> Well anyways, here's what I am doing to "find a girl".
> 
> _*I'm doing everything for myself.*_
> 
> Now let me explain. I got out of a 7 year relationship about a year and a few months ago. This was my first girlfriend. Since the break up I have discovered so much more about myself that I didn't know. I started a gym routine, 5 days a week to let off stress, not to find a woman, but to better myself. To push myself to limits I was unsure my body could reach. I don't want to sound like a douche, but I've gotten pretty huge. A lot of my friends don't even recognize me anymore and congratulate me on my success thus far. I've noticed women taking more interest in me, the casual glancing, etc. I've also started towards a new and better career path, making the most money I have ever made.
> 
> I know this sounds like nothing at all, but here comes the kicker. I'm literally talking to 5 women right now, pretty much every day. One has a boyfriend and is probably the prettiest girl I've ever talked to, and I really don't even care. I'm doing things for myself and they are all falling into place on their own. I'm not going out hunting or searching, I'm hanging out with friends, laughing, living my life, going to shows/bookstores and finding out more about myself. When she comes, she'll come.


That is good man. I have also been picking up some weights for the past 3 months myself. Very small, but satisfying gains so far. It is quite cool that you are improving yourself step by step. Feel good, people will feel your goodness, and they will want some'o your goodness.


----------



## someguy85

Buckyx said:


> I set a goal to approach some girls after xmas holiday in college dorm haha, I just exchange hi and maybe some eye contact with them, time to finally talk to them!! cause I am looking like a weird motherfcker probably


That's a good goal. Got to start somewhere!


----------



## estse

I've got a job at the laundry mat and have installed teddy bear automatons, but still no licking girl!


----------



## shykid

Having my first date in a long time, nervous as f... . Good thing that I'm out of work atm, had the whole day to get readdy. Less than 5 hours till date. 

"His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down... " haha


----------



## rymo

shykid said:


> Having my first date in a long time, nervous as f... . Good thing that I'm out of work atm, had the whole day to get readdy. Less than 5 hours till date.
> 
> "His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
> There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
> He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,
> But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down... " haha


Luckily there's nothing to write down! Whenever you can't think of anything to say, just blurt out "Mom's spaghetti" and it'll be good for a laugh.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Luckily there's nothing to write down! Whenever you can't think of anything to say, just blurt out "Mom's spaghetti" and it'll be good for a laugh.


LOL nice. I'm going to have to try that.


----------



## shykid

rymo said:


> Luckily there's nothing to write down! Whenever you can't think of anything to say, just blurt out "Mom's spaghetti" and it'll be good for a laugh.


haha ;d I had some conversation topics in case there were long akward silences, but I didn't have to use them..


----------



## estse

Drinking bleach and engaging the homeless has gotten me nowhere. What am I doing wrong?


----------



## rymo

shykid said:


> haha ;d I had some conversation topics in case there were long akward silences, but I didn't have to use them..


Nice man! Sounds like it went well.


----------



## jsmith92

Haircut. I don't look like a wolf boy anymore.


----------



## rymo

jsmith92 said:


> Haircut. I don't look like a wolf boy anymore.


PICS


----------



## estse

I've just tied myself to a train track. Oh, won't a woman save me. Um....please hurry.


----------



## shykid

rymo said:


> Nice man! Sounds like it went well.


I think it did, but I'm not 100% sure.


----------



## villadb

Nothing happening atm. We always have loads of Christmas temps at work this time of year and I hold out half a hope that there may be one on our department that I can get to know but there isn't really. I deleted my online dating profiles.


----------



## RRL108

Nothing substantial. I tried dating sites years ago and while I did meet women and go on dates, it just wasn't the right thing for me. I guess the most I do now is try to get out to coffee shops and maybe meet someone by chance. I've looked into SA meetup groups in the area and there are very few events available. I've had a few somewhat long term relationships in the last 5 years, but they were women I met at work. I'm currently not working so coffee shops or the library are about the only places I think it's possible to meet someone. In a sense I feel like if it's meant to be, the universe will create the conditions that we meet. In the meantime, getting out of the house is something I think will increase the odds.


----------



## rymo

RRL108 said:


> Nothing substantial. I tried dating sites years ago and while I did meet women and go on dates, it just wasn't the right thing for me. I guess the most I do now is try to get out to coffee shops and maybe meet someone by chance. I've looked into SA meetup groups in the area and there are very few events available. I've had a few somewhat long term relationships in the last 5 years, but they were women I met at work. I'm currently not working so coffee shops or the library are about the only places I think it's possible to meet someone. In a sense I feel like if it's meant to be, the universe will create the conditions that we meet. In the meantime, getting out of the house is something I think will increase the odds.


Getting out of the house and being active will definitely increase your odds substantially. That's a great attitude to have. Although, as you speak about the universe and chances it comes off a bit melancholy to me. It's like...man...this is about meeting the woman who could be your future wife and contribute to your overall happiness in life, do you really want to have such a laid back attitude about it?

I'm not saying to be desperate or anxious, I'm just saying that while being out increases your chances, actually approaching a girl you're attracted to instead makes it far less a game of chance and more about you seizing opportunities.

For example, you see a woman that is your perfect type in the library. Do you just wait for the universe to make it so that she bumps into you, drops all her papers on the floor, and strikes up a conversation with you while you nobly help her with the mess? Or do ya just talk to the girl?

Anyway. SA and all that, I know. And if you're content then who am I to say anything? I'm just saying - it doesn't have to be such a game of chance.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

We are going to the mall together somewhere this week. I still have to tell her when exactly. We have gotten really close, but we are still shy to do some things. Overall I think I feel much more comfortable to be bold a bit when I am with her. She is by far the only girl that is really similar to how I am, a bit of personality but more on how we were raised, where we were raised, elementary school etc. Even my mom and her dad know each other because they were colleagues.
I don't know if I will succeed with her, but I will just have to be patient. Make mistakes and recover.

(I do have one embarrassing concern though: When I think of kissing her lips, I get a boner. :blank Like a medium boner :no I hope that doesn't eventually happen in reality.:blank I got a medium boner once while I was hugging her:blank..... I might have to fold my sucker underneath. S**t)


----------



## jsmith92

photorealisticotakuman said:


> We are going to the mall together somewhere this week. I still have to tell her when exactly. We have gotten really close, but we are still shy to do some things. Overall I think I feel much more comfortable to be bold a bit when I am with her. She is by far the only girl that is really similar to how I am, a bit of personality but more on how we were raised, where we were raised, elementary school etc. Even my mom and her dad know each other because they were colleagues.
> I don't know if I will succeed with her, but I will just have to be patient. Make mistakes and recover.
> 
> (I do have one embarrassing concern though: When I think of kissing her lips, I get a boner. :blank Like a medium boner :no I hope that doesn't eventually happen in reality.:blank I got a medium boner once while I was hugging her:blank..... I might have to fold my sucker underneath. S**t)


So what about the boner. I bet she gets turned on as well.


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> We are going to the mall together somewhere this week. I still have to tell her when exactly. We have gotten really close, but we are still shy to do some things. Overall I think I feel much more comfortable to be bold a bit when I am with her. She is by far the only girl that is really similar to how I am, a bit of personality but more on how we were raised, where we were raised, elementary school etc. Even my mom and her dad know each other because they were colleagues.
> I don't know if I will succeed with her, but I will just have to be patient. Make mistakes and recover.
> 
> (I do have one embarrassing concern though: When I think of kissing her lips, I get a boner. :blank Like a medium boner :no I hope that doesn't eventually happen in reality.:blank I got a medium boner once while I was hugging her:blank..... I might have to fold my sucker underneath. S**t)


Don't worry about your boner. Jsmith is a wise man. If you're making out, you're supposed to get excited. Hopefully she sees your throbbing member and pulls it right out of your pants and you get down to business.


----------



## peacelizard

Nothing directly to get a girl. Just doing a lot of work to improve myself


----------



## Canadian Brotha

My new coworker suggested I sign up for Tinder so I did the other night. We'll see if anything comes of it


----------



## Kilgore Trout

Bought a nice watch to look better. Signed up in dating sites. Emmm... nothing besides that.
I don't even know where should i look for a girlfriend. I curse myself for not getting a gf while i was in uni. That was my best opportunity.


----------



## srschirm

pouria19 said:


> Bought a nice watch to look better. Signed up in dating sites. Emmm... nothing besides that.
> I don't even know where should i look for a girlfriend. I curse myself for not getting a gf while i was in uni. That was my best opportunity.


Yeah but it's hard finding a serious girl at that age.


----------



## Harbinger1

absolutely nothing.... stuff like that is way too overwhelming and hard


----------



## thetown

I'm just here waiting and waiting...


----------



## jsmith92

Lovecrushed said:


> I'm just here waiting and waiting...


Yup same


----------



## jsmith92

Canadian Brotha said:


> My new coworker suggested I sign up for Tinder so I did the other night. We'll see if anything comes of it


Dude congrats on getting a job first off. I saw your post about being broke a few weeks ago. So that's an improvement.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

jsmith92 said:


> Dude congrats on getting a job first off. I saw your post about being broke a few weeks ago. So that's an improvement.


I'm still gonna be broke for a while as it's only part time & it pays less than my previous jobs but thanks all the same


----------



## srschirm

Buckyx said:


> I think its hard to find any girl at that age
> 
> had more female friends when I was 5-6


Yeah it can be.


----------



## DarrellLicht

Haven't done much in a way of 'putting myself out there' I find the prospect frightening. Especially in my given region..


----------



## jsmith92

I have given up for 2 years now. It is never going to change.


----------



## monotonous

saving money and pay to get laid next year


----------



## thetown

Honestly I have this big crush on this one girl. I think she is so cute and kinda shy too. I knew her since like elementary school (by knowing her I mean like attending the same school lol) and just recently I found out that I live like a block away from her  But we have no mutual classes, and the only time that I see her is randomly in the hallways and some clubs at school. 

I also like this other girl but not as much as the first girl. This girl is like so talkative it's crazy. I guess this love is more of hate or jealousy? in that she's so cute but I wish I could be as social as she is. 

But the dilemma I'm currently facing is that the second girl is the only one of the two that actually talks to me. We don't really talk about anything b/c I'm like so quiet but we mainly just joke around the whole time in class. She may have a bf? I'm not sure about this though.


----------



## estse

I'm injecting my balls with saline and fornicating with burly men, all in an effort to impress that girl. ****.


----------



## probably offline

estse said:


> I'm injecting my balls with saline and fornicating with burly men, all in an effort to impress that girl. ****.


Is the man in your avatar your saline-guy? He looks like he's carrying.


----------



## estse

probably offline said:


> Is the man in your avatar your saline-guy? He looks like he's carrying.


No, that's just an ideal image of some guy (I'd like to fluff.)

I'm surprised you didn't think the image was myself, as someone else had already implied or asked or insinuated.

These tactics of mine have gotten me nowhere with the girls. I just want to dance with somebody. I need to change my routines and stop fluffing all these masculine packages.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Code:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ah sorry bout that man. Why the break up?
> 
> But you were "there" though, in a relationship. Now you know you can get a girlfriend . You showed us it is possible !! We need that positivity here sometimes


Make a long story short?

She thought she got pregnant. Freaked out. Told me the next morning that we couldn't be together anymore. She tried to stay friends with me...but I couldn't. Just to painful. :|

Though I hear first relationships never end well anyways so **** it. :b

What about you? Same girl? Girlfriend I hope 

EDIT: Just read your last post. Laughed my *** off! Don't worry bro. Chicks dig boners. Or at least the straight ones.:b

Don't worry. If you didn't get turned on, there'd be something wrong. *KISS THE GIRL MAN*. I only just learned this myself. But ****ing do it and watch how quickly things change. You'd be amazed.


----------



## EMPx

I'd add to this but I've pretty much already checked out.

The last woman I liked who I actually asked out was probably over 6 years ago if not more. I was a bit blunt and too the point and upset her which was not my intention.

Yeah I tried on line dating for a while, got shot down left, right and centre for 1 year or so. So I decided to call it quits. Two years later or so, hey I'm happy enough so eh it no longer really matters though my biology seems to pull to finding a partner every so often I just shrug it off and continue on my merry way. 

Buddhism type/like/similar belief acceptance of the way it is and not the way you wish it to be.


----------



## tonyhd71

Nothing.


----------



## rymo

EMPx said:


> I'd add to this but I've pretty much already checked out.
> 
> The last woman I liked who I actually asked out was probably over 6 years ago if not more. I was a bit blunt and too the point and upset her which was not my intention.
> 
> Yeah I tried on line dating for a while, got shot down left, right and centre for 1 year or so. So I decided to call it quits. Two years later or so, hey I'm happy enough so eh it no longer really matters though my biology seems to pull to finding a partner every so often I just shrug it off and continue on my merry way.
> 
> Buddhism type/like/similar belief acceptance of the way it is and not the way you wish it to be.


----------



## Ambivert

Anything and everything. Volunteering, gym, after work get togethers. Going out when I can. Im not sitting and waiting for her, I will make it happen. If i dont find someome by 32 im offing myself.


----------



## rymo

Ambivert said:


> Anything and everything. Volunteering, gym, after work get togethers. Going out when I can. Im not sitting and waiting for her, I will make it happen. If i dont find someome by 32 im offing myself.


NICE! (Except the last part, but I like your determination)


----------



## Lacking Serotonin

Ambivert said:


> Anything and everything. Volunteering, gym, after work get togethers. Going out when I can. Im not sitting and waiting for her, I will make it happen. If i dont find someome by 32 im offing myself.


Does volunteering help with anxiety and/or depression?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I read something here: about a girl not responding to some guy's texts. I dont know, some advice and opinions in the discussion was kind of interesting: http://www.simplepickup.com/forum/so-theres-girl/23584-she-suddenly-stopped-replying-my-texts.html


----------



## shykid

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I read something here: about a girl not responding to some guy's texts. I dont know, some advice and opinions in the discussion was kind of interesting: http://www.simplepickup.com/forum/so-theres-girl/23584-she-suddenly-stopped-replying-my-texts.html


Gonna read it a bit later.. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

shykid said:


> Gonna read it a bit later.. Thanks for sharing.


no prob. Some of Earls advice is kind of interesting to read up.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Make a long story short?
> 
> She thought she got pregnant. Freaked out. Told me the next morning that we couldn't be together anymore. She tried to stay friends with me...but I couldn't. Just to painful. :|
> 
> Though I hear first relationships never end well anyways so **** it. :b
> 
> What about you? Same girl? Girlfriend I hope
> 
> EDIT: Just read your last post. Laughed my *** off! Don't worry bro. Chicks dig boners. Or at least the straight ones.:b
> 
> Don't worry. If you didn't get turned on, there'd be something wrong. *KISS THE GIRL MAN*. I only just learned this myself. But ****ing do it and watch how quickly things change. You'd be amazed.


holy ****. Well, looks like you did have some fun though . Have you talked ever since?

Yes Same Girl: She has been giving me a hard time, with rescheduling etc. But I will continue letting these days unfold themselves, instead of having expectations and hopes that may disappoint me.We are not official yet, sometimes I feel like we just won't ever be, sometimes I feel like its a matter of asking.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Mindlessly "hearting" & "X'ing" gals on Tinder hoping I win the lotto


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> holy ****. Well, looks like you did have some fun though . Have you talked ever since?
> 
> Yes Same Girl: She has been giving me a hard time, with rescheduling etc. But I will continue letting these days unfold themselves, instead of having expectations and hopes that may disappoint me.We are not official yet, sometimes I feel like we just won't ever be, sometimes I feel like its a matter of asking.


There were fun times and not so fun times. 

No we don't talk. And that's they way I'm going to keep it. She's a really terrible person I came to discover. She just used me because she felt lonely. I was just too pus*y blinded to see it. :blank But hey, next one will be better.

So let me ask you this:

Have you _tried _to kiss her? If not, why?


----------



## jsmith92

There was this girl who I find super ugly who had this guy she didn't like texting her. She asked the people at the club I was at what she should do since she didn't like him and she decided not to respond and just let him figure it out. First off this is wrong in my opinion but whatever because she should let him know that she doesn't like him. That's what girls always do to me. That's partially why I haven't spoken to any girls I have been interested in for 2 years now. There's no point now. I'm so screwed up no girl would want to be with me once they got to know me.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> There were fun times and not so fun times.
> 
> No we don't talk. And that's they way I'm going to keep it. She's a really terrible person I came to discover. She just used me because she felt lonely. I was just too pus*y blinded to see it. :blank But hey, next one will be better.
> 
> So let me ask you this:
> 
> Have you _tried _to kiss her? If not, why?


Oh I see man. Well at least you know what you deserve though. 
On to the next one. Are going to actively search or are going to chill a bit ?

To answer:

No i haven't tried to kiss her yet. We haven't gotten enough time to really escalate things with each other since in December we have cousins, aunts or family gatherings etc. So we have been getting very limited to no time together. I wanted for me and her to go out to the mall together this past thursday. Come wednesday, her cousin came to sleepover and she couldn't leave her home that day. So she wanted to reschedule, and I said this coming tuesday is my only option. ( I'm not sure how things will workout on tuesday, but im just trying my luck).

She is a shy, cautious, indoorsy kind of girl and still lives with her parents. 
I'm a shy, cautious, indoorsy kind of guy and still live with my parents. 
Difference is she might have more trouble going out with a guy than me going out with a girl.

If tuesday worksout well, it will be very advantageous:

1. its far from home, we get some freedom.
2. long time together ( enough time to get comfortable and escalate better, maybe even kiss)
3. we are both familiar with the place so we can show each other some cool stuff

I am still trying to not over think things, so I won't even think about kissing her anymore.  ( I have been overthinking things too much to a point that I even stayed awake for 41 hours at one point. ) But now I feel much more at peace when not overthinking

(sorry for the essay lol)


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Got a match on Tinder so I sent her a message, now it's a waiting game


----------



## bancho1993

Thinking of going to a few meetups after Christmas.


----------



## Rashomon89

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...et-a-girl-186863/index334.html#post1076617633


Persephone The Dread said:


> Can you explain what you mean by the two bolded bits?


A late answer but ...
@Persephone The Dread

English isn't my 1st language so I am sorry if it sounded weird. If it was funny I'm glad you laughed at it  I wrote that post in the heat of the moment. I googled that cali chick,  she's definitively not her. We are on the different continents .

What I meant was we didn't get physical on our first (and last) date. I didn't kiss her, I didn't touch her hands, I didn't touch her hair ... I could feel the tension, but just couldn't progress anywhere. You probably got the idea that I wanted to have sex with her on 1st date.:teeth No, I just clearly (more or less) stated to her that I am interested in dating her, and not being her friend.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Oh I see man. Well at least you know what you deserve though.
> On to the next one. Are going to actively search or are going to chill a bit ?
> 
> To answer:
> 
> No i haven't tried to kiss her yet. We haven't gotten enough time to really escalate things with each other since in December we have cousins, aunts or family gatherings etc. So we have been getting very limited to no time together. I wanted for me and her to go out to the mall together this past thursday. Come wednesday, her cousin came to sleepover and she couldn't leave her home that day. So she wanted to reschedule, and I said this coming tuesday is my only option. ( I'm not sure how things will workout on tuesday, but im just trying my luck).
> 
> She is a shy, cautious, indoorsy kind of girl and still lives with her parents.
> I'm a shy, cautious, indoorsy kind of guy and still live with my parents.
> Difference is she might have more trouble going out with a guy than me going out with a girl.
> 
> If tuesday worksout well, it will be very advantageous:
> 
> 1. its far from home, we get some freedom.
> 2. long time together ( enough time to get comfortable and escalate better, maybe even kiss)
> 3. we are both familiar with the place so we can show each other some cool stuff
> 
> I am still trying to not over think things, so I won't even think about kissing her anymore.  ( I have been overthinking things too much to a point that I even stayed awake for 41 hours at one point. ) But now I feel much more at peace when not overthinking
> 
> (sorry for the essay lol)


Hate to burst your bubble but you need to think about kissing her. The longer you put it off, longer you'll both linger in this state.

Just remember what the goal is buddy. If you're afraid of the risk then you're in the wrong game. You don't want to stay like this forever do you?

Dude, just 30 seconds of stupid courage can change a life. I promise. :yes

And ya, I'm just chilling. We'll see what floats my way. I don't quite feel like jumping back into that BS just yet. 

Lemme know how it goes Tues! GL!


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

laagamer said:


> Hate to burst your bubble but you need to think about kissing her. The longer you put it off, longer you'll both linger in this state.
> 
> Just remember what the goal is buddy. If you're afraid of the risk then you're in the wrong game. You don't want to stay like this forever do you?
> 
> Dude, just 30 seconds of stupid courage can change a life. I promise. :yes
> 
> And ya, I'm just chilling. We'll see what floats my way. I don't quite feel like jumping back into that BS just yet.
> 
> Lemme know how it goes Tues! GL!


I called & Tuesday outing is rescheduled (till she further notifies me), she thought we could go on wednesday but I don't think I could. In a way I knew plans for Tuesday will fall flat. She has to go to church to do some stuff, but she said she'll try visiting me afterwards if I too don't leave myself. I know if she does visit, she won't be visiting long. But its okay, I just want her to be more open so we can progress a bit.

and oh yeah,, I didn't mean that I shouldn't try kissing at all. I just meant that I should just do it in the moment instead of fantasizing beforehand and eventually scaring myself even more with thoughts and expectations. Anyway, whenever we do have proper time, I will put myself in the best position for a kiss and see if she doesn't pullback, then give the kiss a go.

Yeah chill for a while man. Was pu**y delicious though? lol okay no don't answer that.


----------



## ForeverInBloom

Nothing. It was usually them initiating and me noticing and going from there. I don't feel qualified to even give advice in this regard because they were short term.

Just make sure it's someone you are compatible with and not just a girl because she's hot. Values and morals are more important in the long run than looks alone.

Lol, the irony...


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I now how a conversation going with a gal on Tinder. Not sure if I'll be able to maintain it though


----------



## Ambivert

Lacking Serotonin said:


> Does volunteering help with anxiety and/or depression?


Oops missed your post at first. Yes it can help get you out and interact with others....there are alot of cute girls volunteering too. I talked to one for a good amount of time :yes

Also from a spiritual perspective it helps generate good karma, which I believe is something we lack.


----------



## laagamer

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I will put myself in the best position for a kiss and see if she doesn't pullback, then give the kiss a go.


You tell me how the pu**y tastes!

Listen. There will never be a "perfect moment". You'll die waiting for it. Trust me.

Just courage up and *DO IT! *

It won't be perfect and she might not even want it. Nobody cares!

I can promise you that you'll continue living and feel better after for going through with it. They'll be plenty more chances and women out there no matter what happens.

*GO FOR IT! * :clap


----------



## cupoftealee

I'm keeping all my money to myself! No one deserves it!


----------



## jsmith92

Every single bit of this is true. http://www.artofapproaching.com/197/the-top-5-things-jerks-do-to-get-women/ It's never going to change for me. I'm going to be alone forever. People say I shouldn't worry about it because I am only 17 but I know it is true, I'm going to be the same miserable freak I am now for years to come if not decades.


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> Every single bit of this is true. http://www.artofapproaching.com/197/the-top-5-things-jerks-do-to-get-women/ It's never going to change for me. I'm going to be alone forever. People say I shouldn't worry about it because I am only 17 but I know it is true, I'm going to be the same miserable freak I am now for years to come if not decades.


Would you like to take my hand and wonder into another world?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> Would you like to take my hand and wonder into another world?


Huh?


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> Huh?


Would you like to visit another world man?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> Would you like to visit another world man?


I'm confused now.


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> I'm confused now.


Is a man not entitled to the sweat on his brow?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> Is a man not entitled to the sweat on his brow?


Are you purposely being cryptic?


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> Are you purposely being cryptic?


When you wear a mask your entire life it eventually becomes a part of you.

I know that the only me is me, are you sure that the only you is you?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> When you wear a mask your entire life it eventually becomes a part of you.
> 
> I know that the only me is me, are you sure that the only you is you?


I'm not happy so the mask of happiness isn't part of me at all, so no.


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> I'm not happy so the mask of happiness isn't part of me at all, so no.


You dont choose shazam, shazam choose you.


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> You dont choose shazam, shazam choose you.


Again what does this mean?


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> Again what does this mean?


You cant get all up in chuck norrises face cuz his fist within his beard will knock you out cold.


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> You cant get all up in chuck norrises face cuz his fist within his beard will knock you out cold.


You must be high.


----------



## EMPx

Flow with, it could be worse. I know having spent a life time in isolation that sometimes you can find your self sink into depression, needing a little love and affection.

Try not to focus on this too much and focus on the positives in your lifes, if there are none make some. Maybe when your too busy enjoying life you may not notice or care that you are alone or not. Life is too short don't waste it, acceptance is freedom and peace. 

Hobbies, interests, favourite foods, places etc...


----------



## jsmith92

EMPx said:


> Flow with, it could be worse. I know having spent a life time in isolation that sometimes you can find your self sink into depression, needing a little love and affection.
> 
> Try not to focus on this too much and focus on the positives in your lifes, if there are none make some. Maybe when your too busy enjoying life you may not notice or care that you are alone or not. Life is too short don't waste it, acceptance is freedom and peace.
> 
> Hobbies, interests, favourite foods, places etc...


It's too late now.


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> You must be high.


Would you like to get high with me?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> Would you like to get high with me?


No I'm screwed up enough as it is.


----------



## Charmeleon

GGTFM said:


> Would you like to take my hand and wonder into another world?





jsmith92 said:


> Huh?





GGTFM said:


> Would you like to visit another world man?





jsmith92 said:


> I'm confused now.





GGTFM said:


> Is a man not entitled to the sweat on his brow?





jsmith92 said:


> Are you purposely being cryptic?





GGTFM said:


> When you wear a mask your entire life it eventually becomes a part of you.
> 
> I know that the only me is me, are you sure that the only you is you?





jsmith92 said:


> I'm not happy so the mask of happiness isn't part of me at all, so no.





GGTFM said:


> You dont choose shazam, shazam choose you.





jsmith92 said:


> Again what does this mean?





GGTFM said:


> You cant get all up in chuck norrises face cuz his fist within his beard will knock you out cold.





jsmith92 said:


> You must be high.





jsmith92 said:


> It's too late now.





GGTFM said:


> Would you like to get high with me?


Most amazing thing I've read in awhile, you still surfing the galaxy bro!? Take me with you man xD

What I'm I doing to get a girl? Well for starters I'm eating pistachios soo yeah


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> No I'm screwed up enough as it is.


You fool. Let me rephrase this mother*ucker. *clears throat* WOULD YOU LIKE TO TURN INTO GODZILLA AND KING KONG, FIGHT EACH OTHER, MAKE UP, TURN INTO SPACE UNICORNS AND USE RAINBOWS AS OUR MAIN TRANSPORTATION TO EXPLORING THE GALAXY AND THEN END IT WITH HOLDING HANDS WHILE HAPPILY GETTING ABSORBED BY A BLACK *UCKING HOLE?

Or not?


----------



## GGTFM

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Most amazing thing I've read in awhile, you still surfing the galaxy bro!? Take me with you man xD
> 
> What I'm I doing to get a girl? Well for starters I'm eating pistachios soo yeah


There's always room for one *ucking more!


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> You fool. Let me rephrase this mother*ucker. *clears throat* WOULD YOU LIKE TO TURN INTO GODZILLA AND KING KONG, FIGHT EACH OTHER, MAKE UP, TURN INTO SPACE UNICORNS AND USE RAINBOWS AS OUR MAIN TRANSPORTATION TO EXPLORING THE GALAXY AND THEN END IT WITH HOLDING HANDS WHILE HAPPILY GETTING ABSORBED BY A BLACK *UCKING HOLE?
> 
> Or not?


No


----------



## MobiusX

sleeping and dreaming


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> No


?


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> ?


I don't understand what you are trying to do


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> I don't understand what you are trying to do


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> I don't understand what you are trying to do


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


>


How old are you?


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> How old are you?


17 and


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> 17 and


I'm almost 17. You are a very annoying 17 year old.


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> I'm almost 17. You are a very annoying 17 year old.


I would put another gif up but I can't think of one, I hope you manage to fight off your depression dude. Get better man.


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> I would put another gif up but I can't think of one, I hope you manage to fight off your depression dude. Get better man.


That's not going to happen but thanks for trying to help. I'm way too screwed up already.


----------



## FujiApple

Ignoring her, mostly.

But I might send her a happy new year text because I have her number... however, I'm actually not sure on her name spelling.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I asked the gal I've been chatting with on Tinder if she's up to switching to skype or texting, we'll see how it goes


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> That's not going to happen but thanks for trying to help. I'm way too screwed up already.


The best things in life when you're not expecting it after all the hot steaming horse sh*t - well you get the point.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Trying to be a bit more engaging with gals that come into my work & I've asked a gal from Tinder if she's up to texting or skype


----------



## jsmith92

GGTFM said:


> The best things in life when you're not expecting it after all the hot steaming horse sh*t - well you get the point.


Even if the hottest girl on the planet was begging to go out with me, it wouldn't make a difference. I would still be the same emotionally screwed up individual I am now.


----------



## monotonous

watching porn 3 hours a day


----------



## yourfavestoner

jsmith92 said:


> Even if the hottest girl on the planet was begging to go out with me, it wouldn't make a difference. I would still be the same emotionally screwed up individual I am now.


Good news for you man - most people are screwed up emotionally.

You're not 17 yet, which means you're still in HS. Which means you need to pick up a varsity sport. It's catnip to the ladies.


----------



## blue2

Nothing I have no desire to accidentally spread my seed, polar bears will thank me


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I've just got the number of a gal on Tinder to begin texting with, we'll see if I can make anything progress from that


----------



## GGTFM

jsmith92 said:


> Even if the hottest girl on the planet was begging to go out with me, it wouldn't make a difference. I would still be the same emotionally screwed up individual I am now.


Thats true and its good that such a thing wouldnt cloud your judgement but honestly i dont know how i could ever help, i wanted to cuz i dont like seeing people miserable. I guess i dont even know where this reply is going but i dont think youre a lost cause yet.


----------



## Charmeleon

monotonous said:


> watching porn 3 hours a day


Building up that stamina dude?


----------



## rymo




----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


>


F*** this


----------



## laagamer

rymo said:


>


I don't know what's worse.

His moral stance towards women or his pseudo-science bullsh*t.


----------



## rymo

laagamer said:


> I don't know what's worse.
> 
> His moral stance towards women or his pseudo-science bullsh*t.


Seemed pretty well-researched to me. He gave three separate sources of approach anxiety. What, if not evolution, environment and societal conditioning, is the cause of this type of anxiety, in your mind?


----------



## Peter Attis

Nothing. Not a damn thing.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Messaged a couple more matches on Tinder, again it's a waiting game now


----------



## Canadian Brotha

A gal named Marita who works at the bar next door just came in & was happy to see me again. She'd been in last week with her sister but had lost her voice at the time. Today she informed me she works at the bar so I told her bar staff get discounts & we got to chatting. I said I was working till midnight tomorrow & she said I should come have a new years shot with her after I close. Bullet from the blue that


----------



## villadb

I'm currently chatting to a girl on POF. Let's see how quick I can bore her off haha


----------



## villadb

Crikey she's some sort of physics genius


----------



## The Impulsive Fantasy

bsd3355 said:


> Went out with a friend to a bar and got three numbers. That same day got a number from a girl at college. Yesterday had a date at my house with that college girl. Been texting the other girls to hang out. Friday went solo out to the bar. I have made a shcedule that allows me everyday to approach and interact with new girls; sunday is my day off. I work and go to school and all the other time is approach, approach, approach, interact and learn as much as I can. Finally, I'm reaping what I sow. It's taken me all my life to get here mentally and progressively.


Dude, inspirational!


----------



## huh

I've had a pretty bad stretch lately. I haven't been able to get a date for the past 2 months now. I'm just frustrated with dating overall. It's so difficult to even get someone to talk to me online, let alone arrange a date. And my anxiety is too bad to actually approach women in real life. So it takes me forever to meet people.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Happy _NEW YEAR_ everyone! May *2015* be alright for us.

Well, things are going okay for me.I don't know if I am a boyfriend yet, but it doesn't matter for now. So far I feel like I'm in a modern style courtship relationship. I just read on courtship, and it seems slow paced and cautious like my relationship with the girl. I don't know how we will end up in future, but I'll see what I can do.


----------



## Altered Course

Currently nothing although I'm wanting to try online dating again and see if I get it right this time. Only problem is I'm obsessing over which pics to use.


----------



## jsmith92

Nothing


----------



## villadb

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Happy _NEW YEAR_ everyone! May *2015* be alright for us.
> 
> Well, things are going okay for me.I don't know if I am a boyfriend yet, but it doesn't matter for now. So far I feel like I'm in a modern style courtship relationship. I just read on courtship, and it seems slow paced and cautious like my relationship with the girl. I don't know how we will end up in future, but I'll see what I can do.


Good stuff. I'm hopefully about to start on the same path with the POF girl. Let's hope 2015 is a fruitful one.


----------



## tonym9428

The other week, I asked a girl for her number. It was the first time ever that I've done that and I'm 29 years old. Both of us live in a hipster-ish part of Minneapolis and run into each other regularly on our way home. After seeing each other and chatting four or five times, I just asked her for her number and if she wanted to grab coffee. I specifically mentioned that it was just as 'friends'. She said yes...awesome!

Anyways, I texted her a day or two later and got a response saying that it was against her religion to spend one on one time with people of the opposite gender. I knew she was a baptist and fairly religious, but that was a shock. I don't know if she is just using it as a excuse or not, but no loss...it feels good to ask for a number and have someone say yes.


----------



## tonym9428

Also, I've done the online dating thing...after sending out around 80 messages, I had one response. Yeah, not something that'll work for me. As a minority (south asian but born in US) who has a small disability (stated in profile), I don't think OKC or any other online dating site would be a place where I could possibly have luck. For able bodied white guys, online dating should be a god send for meeting women...enjoy it.

I did get about two to three visits to my profile every day though, but it was often from seriously overweight women. Being a health and fitness nut who regularly works out and is obsessive about health, I just can't do that.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I just rang the bar next door to my work to see if the waitress that I digs me was working. Unfortunately she's not but I left a message for her, we'll see if she gets it


----------



## Dre12

Canadian Brotha said:


> I just rang the bar next door to my work to see if the waitress that I digs me was working. Unfortunately she's not but I left a message for her, we'll see if she gets it


Good luck Brotha.

Harry Kane FTW tho!


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Dre12 said:


> Good luck Brotha.
> 
> Harry Kane FTW tho!


Thanks & FU Bro, lol


----------



## villadb

I think I've hit a brick wall with the girl off POF. She rang me up the other day and since then I've tried texting her but she doesn't reply after my second message just asking how she is and what she's up to, and she's quit POF altogether.


----------



## Altered Course

villadb said:


> I think I've hit a brick wall with the girl off POF. She rang me up the other day and since then I've tried texting her but she doesn't reply after my second message just asking how she is and what she's up to, and she's quit POF altogether.


This **** happens all too much. I was gonna meet a girl on POF for coffee a few years ago and on the day of the date, she stopped texting me. Shortly thereafter, she also deleted her profile. Personally, I suspect we may be victims of fakes/bots a lot of the time because this behavior is all too common and frequent. At least on free sites. I've heard better stories on paid sites like eHarmony and such.


----------



## rymo

Altered Course said:


> This **** happens all too much. I was gonna meet a girl on POF for coffee a few years ago and on the day of the date, she stopped texting me. Shortly thereafter, she also deleted her profile. Personally, I suspect we may be victims of fakes/bots a lot of the time because this behavior is all too common and frequent. At least on free sites. I've heard better stories on paid sites like eHarmony and such.


It's just how it goes on these sites. Something could come up, they may meet someone else, I mean life happens and people aren't always able to commit to meeting someone online. Definitely cannot get too hung up on one or two girls on these sites or it's going to be painful.


----------



## Polo1

I go out almost everyday. I do this thing where I have to go out atleast once a day. Ive made some progress. Still a long way to go.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

villadb said:


> Good stuff. I'm hopefully about to start on the same path with the POF girl. Let's hope 2015 is a fruitful one.


sorry i'm a bit late Villadb. Big thanks, go with it and see what happens! Good luck to yourself !


----------



## Canadian Brotha

After I close shop I'll be having shots with a cute waitress from the bar/restaurant, hope I don't make an *** of myself


----------



## rymo

Just thought this was pretty funny. The lines this guy comes up with are great:


----------



## Barette

^Ugh, cringe-worthy.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Texting my way to a date with a gal from Tinder



Canadian Brotha said:


> After I close shop I'll be having shots with a cute waitress from the bar/restaurant, hope I don't make an *** of myself


This didn't go especially well. I was moody & looking rough when I arrived & she noticed. Some strangers bought me drinks though & I got a hug from her before leaving however


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I might go look up that waitress for a quick shot after work tonight, we'll see


----------



## estse

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I couldn't care less.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I asked the owner of the bar next to my work to pass on my number to a gal that waitresses there & seems into me, hopefully I'll hear from her as I've kept missing her recently


----------



## Peter Attis

Slowly thinking about my strategy. I don't want to wait too long, but I also have to be careful since she is a coworker.


----------



## Lone Drifter

Nothing but be myself...and I've had two nurses give me their phone numbers since Christmas :yes


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

persevering no matter how scared I might feel sometimes.


----------



## sad vlad

Nothing... nothing...and, yes, nothing.

Oh, wait I am doing one thing: I exist!


----------



## srschirm

Meeting a number of people lately, and it feels great. Even if they just turn into friends, it's great to be social and put myself out there. Going to a video game bar type of place tonight.


----------



## ac48322

0


----------



## rymo

I had been struggling for a long time to get out and go do stuff, and it has been made harder by the fact that I don't really have any friends here. My roommate doesn't like going out, and he has a gf anyway. But last Friday I sucked it up and went out to this singles meetup group event by myself. I only cared about making friends, which made me relaxed in a way, no pressure to talk to girls or anything. Just drink and socialize.

But it was still tough at first with everyone already in little groups and such. So my strategy was to just look for anyone else who was by theirself. I ended up just talking to a guy who was standing there twiddling his thumbs and then things kind of just snowballed from there. I ended up meeting this french guy who is my new best friend and casually picked up a girl's number as well.

What do I have to be so anxious about? I don't know. One solid night out doesn't make me like myself all of a sudden - or get rid of my generalized anxiety - but it does show me what I can accomplish if I actually just _go_.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Updating my wardrobe thanks to some friends with good insight on where to shop, first compliments received ^.^

Also have a potentially weird situation where i like a girl, but I feel like her best friend might (at least to some extent) like me, which would probably mean that the girl I want doesn't like me in that way... 

The reason I feel this way is that last year I already felt like this friend was sort of interested in me, but it blew over so I figured it was all in my head. However now it gets weird to me, my roommate used to be into this best friend. Recently he spent an evening drinking with her, just the 2 of them in some bar and now whenever we talk about her he keeps telling me he's not sure he's into her any more, and he started joking more about how I should go for the best friend. I know that he hasn't asked her out, so it can't be that he's been rejected. Now I'm wondering whether she told him that she's into me and he's trying to be a good friend by dropping his pursuit or maybe it's just a coincidence that this girl is warming up to me again and he's dropped her and telling me to go for her..

The best friend is actually an amazing girl so I shouldn't complain if this is what's going on, but I'm sort of sure I only see her as a friend for reasons unknown to me. Besides I don't think I could do this to my roommate even if he says he's over her. And as I said before, if her best friend likes me, she probably doesn't like me, which sucks and makes me more reluctant to make a move.


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> Updating my wardrobe thanks to some friends with good insight on where to shop, first compliments received ^.^
> 
> Also have a potentially weird situation where i like a girl, but I feel like her best friend might (at least to some extent) like me, which would probably mean that the girl I want doesn't like me in that way...
> 
> The reason I feel this way is that last year I already felt like this friend was sort of interested in me, but it blew over so I figured it was all in my head. However now it gets weird to me, my roommate used to be into this best friend. Recently he spent an evening drinking with her, just the 2 of them in some bar and now whenever we talk about her he keeps telling me he's not sure he's into her any more, and he started joking more about how I should go for the best friend. I know that he hasn't asked her out, so it can't be that he's been rejected. Now I'm wondering whether she told him that she's into me and he's trying to be a good friend by dropping his pursuit or maybe it's just a coincidence that this girl is warming up to me again and he's dropped her and telling me to go for her..
> 
> The best friend is actually an amazing girl so I shouldn't complain if this is what's going on, but I'm sort of sure I only see her as a friend for reasons unknown to me. Besides I don't think I could do this to my roommate even if he says he's over her. And as I said before, if her best friend likes me, she probably doesn't like me, which sucks and makes me more reluctant to make a move.


You're a good guy  But if you don't like the girl in that way, then there's nothing you can do about that. There's no harm in asking the one you like out, and who knows? Maybe once the girl that likes you sees you're interested in her friend, she'll go for your friend instead and you'll end up with the one you like.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

rymo said:


> You're a good guy  But if you don't like the girl in that way, then there's nothing you can do about that. There's no harm in asking the one you like out, and who knows? Maybe once the girl that likes you sees you're interested in her friend, she'll go for your friend instead and you'll end up with the one you like.


Thanks, still I can't help but feel like an *** for not liking this girl back though(if she even likes me), the only two explanations I can think of are not being attracted enough to her physically (which makes me feel shallow as really she's not bad looking at all) and thinking she'd get tired of me as she's a lot more opinionated on what she wants from life than the girl I like.


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> Thanks, still I can't help but feel like an *** for not liking this girl back though(if she even likes me), the only two explanations I can think of are not being attracted enough to her physically (which makes me feel shallow as really she's not bad looking at all) and thinking she'd get tired of me as she's a lot more opinionated on what she wants from life than the girl I like.


Nothing wrong with having preferences. You like who you like, and that's just how it is. You can't be forced to like anyone just because they like you. Don't feel so bad, she'll survive without your love (and find someone else) xP


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

anyoldkindofday said:


> Thanks, still I can't help but feel like an *** for not liking this girl back though(if she even likes me), the only two explanations I can think of are not being attracted enough to her physically (which makes me feel shallow as really she's not bad looking at all) and thinking she'd get tired of me as she's a lot more opinionated on what she wants from life than the girl I like.


Maybe you should try having some conversations with her and see if there is more to her. But that would be difficult because you are aiming for a totally different girl


----------



## blue2

Still nothing ..I'm gonna try harder ..maybe


----------



## huh

I've put in a lot of effort lately but have absolutely nothing to show for it. I can't even get a date. Meanwhile all the girls I've dated then broken up with find new guys to date in less than a month. It's so frustrating barely being able to get a date while most women will have no trouble finding someone willing to go out with them.


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> I've put in a lot of effort lately but have absolutely nothing to show for it. I can't even get a date. Meanwhile all the girls I've dated then broken up with find new guys to date in less than a month. It's so frustrating barely being able to get a date while most women will have no trouble finding someone willing to go out with them.


Comparing your situation to a woman's is a dangerous path to go down. Well, not dangerous, but extremely unproductive. You're a dude. Who cares what girls have to do?

Anyway, what kind of things have you been doing lately?


----------



## londonguy202

cant put any effect, never been on a date in ages and just in a depressed spiral, living w parents, no time no life no hope


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Last night I went into the bar next to my work to see if a specific gals that I think digs me was working. She was so I had a shot & asked for her number, she countered & asked for mine so I gave it to her, we'll see if anything comes of that. Also, been texting a gal from Tinder for a bit now, we'll also see if anything comes of that


----------



## rymo

Canadian Brotha said:


> Last night I went into the bar next to my work to see if a specific gals that I think digs me was working. She was so I had a shot & asked for her number, she countered & asked for mine so I gave it to her, we'll see if anything comes of that. Also, been texting a gal from Tinder for a bit now, we'll also see if anything comes of that


I'm not saying it can't possibly work, but girls will mostly never take the initiative when you give them your number. To me, when a girl asks for your number instead, it's just her way of taking control of the situation and throwing you a bit of a **** test, or at least just being a bit hesitant about giving out her number. This hesitancy should be your sign to create a higher level of attraction to the point where she will actually give it up. To give it to her back. To flirt more.

Also, think about how many guys probably ask for an attractive girl that works at a bar's #, and then think about a way for her to be nice to those guys while still rejecting them. Getting their number instead  Gives her the power to not text them, they feel good (at the time), everyone's dandy.

Let me know how it goes, though. I'm curious. I personally never give my number to the girl as a policy because of how little it works out, but I'm curious to see if it works out for you in this case.


----------



## jsmith92

anyoldkindofday said:


> Updating my wardrobe thanks to some friends with good insight on where to shop, first compliments received ^.^
> 
> Also have a potentially weird situation where i like a girl, but I feel like her best friend might (at least to some extent) like me, which would probably mean that the girl I want doesn't like me in that way...
> 
> The reason I feel this way is that last year I already felt like this friend was sort of interested in me, but it blew over so I figured it was all in my head. However now it gets weird to me, my roommate used to be into this best friend. Recently he spent an evening drinking with her, just the 2 of them in some bar and now whenever we talk about her he keeps telling me he's not sure he's into her any more, and he started joking more about how I should go for the best friend. I know that he hasn't asked her out, so it can't be that he's been rejected. Now I'm wondering whether she told him that she's into me and he's trying to be a good friend by dropping his pursuit or maybe it's just a coincidence that this girl is warming up to me again and he's dropped her and telling me to go for her..
> 
> The best friend is actually an amazing girl so I shouldn't complain if this is what's going on, but I'm sort of sure I only see her as a friend for reasons unknown to me. Besides I don't think I could do this to my roommate even if he says he's over her. And as I said before, if her best friend likes me, she probably doesn't like me, which sucks and makes me more reluctant to make a move.


How is this an issue? To have the possibility of not just one but 2 girls liking you. Just ask one of them out. At least you have one or both of them on the hook. My hook comes out of the water with not even a bite every time.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

rymo said:


> I'm not saying it can't possibly work, but girls will mostly never take the initiative when you give them your number. To me, when a girl asks for your number instead, it's just her way of taking control of the situation and throwing you a bit of a **** test, or at least just being a bit hesitant about giving out her number. This hesitancy should be your sign to create a higher level of attraction to the point where she will actually give it up. To give it to her back. To flirt more.
> 
> Also, think about how many guys probably ask for an attractive girl that works at a bar's #, and then think about a way for her to be nice to those guys while still rejecting them. Getting their number instead  Gives her the power to not text them, they feel good (at the time), everyone's dandy.
> 
> Let me know how it goes, though. I'm curious. I personally never give my number to the girl as a policy because of how little it works out, but I'm curious to see if it works out for you in this case.


I get your point but it's not like I'm majorly invested in pursuing her. She came into the liquor store I work at & was friendly/flirty from the off. She's done it a few times & one time when I wasn't at work my coworker told me she mentioned/asked about me. She also told me to come have a drink some time as well. I kept missing her due to schedules but she was in the other night so I had a shot of JD, chatted briefly & asked for her number. She took mine instead. If something happens cool, if not no worries


----------



## rymo

Canadian Brotha said:


> I get your point but it's not like I'm majorly invested in pursuing her. She came into the liquor store I work at & was friendly/flirty from the off. She's done it a few times & one time when I wasn't at work my coworker told me she mentioned/asked about me. She also told me to come have a drink some time as well. I kept missing her due to schedules but she was in the other night so I had a shot of JD, chatted briefly & asked for her number. She took mine instead. If something happens cool, if not no worries


And that's a good attitude to have. But just saying, even if the outcome is no big deal, getting her # instead just increases your chances tenfold IMO. And it usually doesn't take a major investment to get it xd


----------



## Canadian Brotha

rymo said:


> And that's a good attitude to have. But just saying, even if the outcome is no big deal, getting her # instead just increases your chances tenfold IMO. And it usually doesn't take a major investment to get it xd


The bar/restaurant is in the same strip mall as the liquor store I work at, I'll see her again soon either way so ample time to ask again when I do


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

00:41 here and in a few hours i may be home alone with the girl ive been talking to for a while now. If she doesn't come, i'll just accept that, and just start with my studies anyway. Nervous as hell & can't sleep.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

jsmith92 said:


> How is this an issue? To have the possibility of not just one but 2 girls liking you. Just ask one of them out. At least you have one or both of them on the hook. My hook comes out of the water with not even a bite every time.


It's an issue because if I like _*X*_ but her friend _*Y*_ likes me, then _*X*_ might not want to start anything with me because she doesn't want to hurt _*Y*_. If I was interested in _*Y*_ this would not be a problem, but I only see her as a friend I think, wouldn't be fair to her to be a second choice. Anyways it's all just speculation, besides I've probably ruined my chances with who I've now named _*X*_. My roommate threw a party yesterday, 30 or so people, all mutual friends/acquaintances including _*X*_, but after a really busy week I couldn't handle being around more than 5 people, I went for a 3-hour walk instead. She sent me a couple of messages to check if I was alright, which is nice of her, but I doubt she'd be interested in me now that everyone thinks I'm depressed.


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> It's an issue because if I like _*X*_ but her friend _*Y*_ likes me, then _*X*_ might not want to start anything with me because she doesn't want to hurt _*Y*_. If I was interested in _*Y*_ this would not be a problem, but I only see her as a friend I think, wouldn't be fair to her to be a second choice. Anyways it's all just speculation, besides I've probably ruined my chances with who I've now named _*X*_. My roommate threw a party yesterday, 30 or so people, all mutual friends/acquaintances including _*X*_, but after a really busy week I couldn't handle being around more than 5 people, I went for a 3-hour walk instead. She sent me a couple of messages to check if I was alright, which is nice of her, but I doubt she'd be interested in me now that everyone thinks I'm depressed.


Bottom line, you'll never know unless you try. There is 0 point in speculating about all this stuff. If you really like a girl, then you should ask her out (save for if she's seeing one of your friends, or she's your mom). Period. By not taking action, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. "Oh, she won't go for it because of bla bla bla so I won't even try." But you really...never...know...

Trust me, the other girl *will *survive. She can't force you to like her in that way. And it's not like you're strangling her puppy or something.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

anyoldkindofday said:


> Updating my wardrobe thanks to some friends with good insight on where to shop, first compliments received ^.^
> 
> Also have a potentially weird situation where i like a girl, but I feel like her best friend might (at least to some extent) like me, which would probably mean that the girl I want doesn't like me in that way...
> 
> The reason I feel this way is that last year I already felt like this friend was sort of interested in me, but it blew over so I figured it was all in my head. However now it gets weird to me, my roommate used to be into this best friend. Recently he spent an evening drinking with her, just the 2 of them in some bar and now whenever we talk about her he keeps telling me he's not sure he's into her any more, and he started joking more about how I should go for the best friend. I know that he hasn't asked her out, so it can't be that he's been rejected. Now I'm wondering whether she told him that she's into me and he's trying to be a good friend by dropping his pursuit or maybe it's just a coincidence that this girl is warming up to me again and he's dropped her and telling me to go for her..
> 
> The best friend is actually an amazing girl so I shouldn't complain if this is what's going on, but I'm sort of sure I only see her as a friend for reasons unknown to me. Besides I don't think I could do this to my roommate even if he says he's over her. And as I said before, if her best friend likes me, she probably doesn't like me, which sucks and makes me more reluctant to make a move.


Multiple guys I have liked have ended up dating friends/people I've hung out with often. In one case, they even knew about it, and I'm pretty sure most people have a 'my friend started dating the girl/guy I like even though they knew about it' story. Shouldn't be awkward for you if you're not friends with the girl you likes best friend, might be awkward for the girl you like though if she goes ahead with it but that'll be her situation to deal with.

Also, you don't have anywhere near firm evidence that the bestfriend even likes you.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

She came late at my house, we only had an hour. We got confortable, but her mom called her home to cook, f**k ...there was a part I had an outrageous boner that was just trouble to hide and not think about. I wasnt looking to f her,but kiss her. Thing is, she is too shy to touch me back, sometimes even to look at me, but i got some nice looks from her. We both enjoyed, but was just too short. I should jerk off maybe il feel better, i feel so sad she had to go that quick. 
(weird: when i had a boner, i was really forward and getting "there" much better than without one. But i cant hide that thing)


----------



## sad vlad

Staring at the laptop screen. I hope that's enough. That's all the effort I am willing to make at the moment.


----------



## monotonous

fapping 3x a day


----------



## jsmith92

I started helping people on a support site and it is making me feel much better.


----------



## Farideh

I have not approached a girl. Not even once. Well maybe when I was drunk but other than that, I wouldn't make the first move. Not an excuse why I'm single.


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> Comparing your situation to a woman's is a dangerous path to go down. Well, not dangerous, but extremely unproductive. You're a dude. Who cares what girls have to do?
> 
> Anyway, what kind of things have you been doing lately?


Unproductive perhaps, but then again so is posting on this forum. Yet here we all are. It's just a depressing aspect of the dating differences between the sexes that annoys me. I already have difficulties socializing in general, let alone trying to get dates when it's already an uphill battle.

I've been able to get get quite a few phone numbers. But all I seem to acquire is awkward penpals that I can never get to actually meet me. Most of them I'm honestly not even that attracted to initially. Or they have children. I suppose at my age that's going to be more common now.


----------



## Peter Attis

I'm taking her to see 50 Shades of Grey in two weeks.

In no way am I comfortable with this.


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> Unproductive perhaps, but then again so is posting on this forum. Yet here we all are. It's just a depressing aspect of the dating differences between the sexes that annoys me. I already have difficulties socializing in general, let alone trying to get dates when it's already an uphill battle.
> 
> I've been able to get get quite a few phone numbers. But all I seem to acquire is awkward penpals that I can never get to actually meet me. Most of them I'm honestly not even that attracted to initially. Or they have children. I suppose at my age that's going to be more common now.


Well, I don't think posting here is unproductive. I like helping and receiving help. But as for the differences between the sexes - I mean thank god there is, how much would life suck if we were all the same?

Anyway, it sounds like you're actually just fine at talking to women, but your follow-up is lacking. If you can get their number but not arrange the date, you're doing something wrong. What is your first text usually like?


----------



## rymo

Peter Attis said:


> I'm taking her to see 50 Shades of Grey in two weeks.
> 
> In no way am I comfortable with this.


 I can't think of a better way to get a girl all worked up. Sounds perfect.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Don't know how to feel after yesterday, I didn't seem to exist to her during the first 2-3 hours of a drinking game. At some point she also said something mean to me according to my roommate, but I don't recall whether she said it to tease or as an actual negative remark.. I did learn she's still a virgin thanks to the drinking game, which gives me a spark of hope that maybe she's just as shy and bad at this crap as I am. Hopefully that's why she sometimes acts like I don't exist, as I must seem really uninterested to her at times as well... She did actually come to listen to me play or rather practice guitar after I decided to go to my room to get away from all the drum n bass, so that kinda made up for a ****ty night.

I also get a bit of a pity or empathy-vibe from a lot of people since I left one of my roommates parties last week to be alone. I'm hoping that's not the reason she seems to care about me..


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> Well, I don't think posting here is unproductive. I like helping and receiving help. But as for the differences between the sexes - I mean thank god there is, how much would life suck if we were all the same?


Really? You enjoy that women pretty much never have to ask a guy out to get a date while we have to do all the initiating pretty much all the time? I enjoy certain differences of course...but not those.



> Anyway, it sounds like you're actually just fine at talking to women, but your follow-up is lacking. If you can get their number but not arrange the date, you're doing something wrong. What is your first text usually like?


Just the usual. "Hi. So what are you wearing underneath those clothes tonight? " and "So how many babies do you think we should have?". Do you think I'm coming off too strong? :help


----------



## Bored Alien

I'm texting some girl who lives 5 hours away that i don't even know what she looks like and i likely will never meet.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing. I'm too old to have a girlfriend.


----------



## AussiePea

Im beginning to get worries that my decision to go 100% career and ignore dating is going to bite me come my 30s when I am at a stage to date but have too large a lack of experience, not to mention anxiety about the whole thing. Has to be this way though.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

After some patience, I'm nearly entering boyfriend zone


----------



## anthropy

sitting on my ***. doesn't seem to be a very effective way of getting *****es, i've discovered.


----------



## Elad

photorealisticotakuman said:


> After some patience, I'm nearly entering boyfriend zone












Is this the same girl from months back? (haven't kept up with the thread)

you can do it!


----------



## yodogsup

Continuingly trying pickup to no avail.
Trying smaller exercises instead.

Realized texting girls so much is a waste of time just to be another "gay friend" so to speak.
Having some online girl friends is cool but really that isn't my main intention.

Yest on oxy I was congruent with my intentions. Got rejected a few times and it's better than hiding away from it and pretending I just want to be text buddies.

Also I was stupid to not give up on this one girl for so long. She totally ignored me at the rave I got her tickets to the other day as an apology (long story) totaling $250.
I let myself be used big time the biggest afc ever. It's over gotta move on. Don't try to be friends. Just gonna disappoint yourself. She has no morals shed kept using me.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Elad said:


> Is this the same girl from months back? (haven't kept up with the thread)
> 
> you can do it!


yes Elad. She called me to walk her to a salon so she could get her hair did yesterday, some old friends of hers where there. They talked for quite sometime, I started silent, but caught up and could talk with them. I left them for a few hours and came back sensing they were talking about me and making giggly jokes about me and her. Well I never hid my intentions( the girl told me today that her friends at the salon love me, that i blended with them,im caring, patient etc lol . So far she likes everything about us ...not official yet, but had a nice "the talk" for a bit, .). Such a long story. I'm lazy to type now, but i will try updating better. ( Btw: I had a cold and thought I'd suck )


----------



## AmbiValenzia

I do nothing.
I gave up.


----------



## Peter Attis

rymo said:


> I can't think of a better way to get a girl all worked up. Sounds perfect.


Considering how terrible the reviews of this movie are, I think it'll end up having the opposite effect.


----------



## estse

Not calling or texting her.


----------



## sad vlad

Letting my body hair grow wild. I've heard that is turning girls on big time. They melt like butter seeing it.:b


----------



## MCHB

sad vlad said:


> Letting my body hair grow wild. I've heard that is turning girls on big time. They melt like butter seeing it.:b


Uhh...yeah! Yeah, I'm doing that! Totally not coincidental!


----------



## Sourdog

Have a coffee date this Monday, nervous as hell.


----------



## jsgt

Not me lol, I'm here for moral support! Sourdog, hope everything goes well on your coffee date.


----------



## huh

Just more fail for me so far. One girl flaked and canceled on me yesterday. Another just stopped responding a day after she agreed to go out and we had already been texting a bit.


----------



## Sourdog

Well just came back from the date. Wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. I really doubt anything will come of it, but it was a good experience. How long should I wait before asking her on a second date? Man I'm so vanilla on dates haha, she prob didn't like me.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I don't know if it is good advice but..
Don't give up easily. If you think she is worth it, don't give up unless she never replies or answers you phone for weeks lol. If she flakes with excuses, keep talking, give some space also and try again after a week or 2. Tell the person u like them. Let her flake many times and just ask why she is giving you excuses. Make it easy for her to answer your question. Sometimes we worry too much about looking like fools. Sometimes we should stop trying to give hints and actually say what we feel and then prove our words with actions and see what happens. And we must be our "good" selves primarily. We can't all be that "generic guy" who says all the right words, cocky funny etc. If you like anime, just say you watch cartoons sometimes.


----------



## calichick

Um..I was talking to this new chick on my team today and we vibe pretty well and she's cool and all but she kept touching me and at first I'm like Whoa Nelly, I mean I like you as a friend and all but if you keep touching my thigh I'm gonna have to go Ellen-Degeneres-Rosie-O'Donnell-Strap-on your a**.

I'm strictly dickly but I appreciate the second too long thigh graze, it's more intimacy than I've been experiencing with most men lately.

FML


----------



## Darktower776

Notta alotta.


----------



## Sourdog

Got a second date with this girl on Saturday. That nervous feeling is back, I feel as if we won't have anything more to talk about. Also, should I make a move on her or is that too soon on the second date?


----------



## TenYears

I'm doing absolutely nothing to get a girl. I work out. I bathe :clap , and wear cologne. I dress nice. I eat right and take care of myself. I have a (fairly) good job, I have my own place, and a fairly new car.

I just don't need a girl, I have too many f-ing issues lmao. I have enough trouble taking care of myself. I'd like to have a ONS, but I hate, hate the way I feel after those.

So I can drool after them I guess. Meh. Whatevs. If a totally fine gurl fell into my arms from heaven right now, though, I'd be all in. I mean, whatchya gonna do.


----------



## srschirm

Sourdog said:


> Got a second date with this girl on Saturday. That nervous feeling is back, I feel as if we won't have anything more to talk about. Also, should I make a move on her or is that too soon on the second date?


Eh, I'm sure the both of you will think of things. I mean, people who've been married years and years still have things to talk about, obviously. As for making a move, that's a good question. It depends on the vibe. It's hard to answer. Did you hug goodbye or anything last time?


----------



## knightofdespair

Dangling the ol' worm out there but nothing is biting.


----------



## Sourdog

srschirm said:


> Eh, I'm sure the both of you will think of things. I mean, people who've been married years and years still have things to talk about, obviously. As for making a move, that's a good question. It depends on the vibe. It's hard to answer. Did you hug goodbye or anything last time?


Good point.

Yeah we hugged and she initiated it.


----------



## Sourdog

Just had the second date and it went well I thought. We talked for 2 and a half hours. It got awkward at times though. Didn't get a kiss at the end unfortunately. I'm starting to think that I may end up in the friend zone soon.


----------



## huh

Another week, another rejection. I was texting this girl and we seemed to be getting along well. She agreed to go out to eat then she stopped responding to me altogether hah. I'm honestly not sure why I keep trying.


----------



## pacasio1

huh said:


> Another week, another rejection. I was texting this girl and we seemed to be getting along well. She agreed to go out to eat then she stopped responding to me altogether hah. I'm honestly not sure why I keep trying.


That sucks, I hate that they "seem into it" and then they stop responding or send you a text to cancel because, "something came up". They knew all along they did not want to spend time with us. Why agree to stuff they don't want to do


----------



## srschirm

Sourdog said:


> Just had the second date and it went well I thought. We talked for 2 and a half hours. It got awkward at times though. Didn't get a kiss at the end unfortunately. I'm starting to think that I may end up in the friend zone soon.


Do you have plans to see her again?


----------



## rymo

An example of an OkCupid message I sent that recieved a response. Note that she mentioned she was trying to figure out what her next tattoo would be, so I just suggested something random and ridiculous:

_The clown from American Horror Story: Freak Show as perceived by someone on LSD. That is your next tattoo.

Hey there, XXXXX. I'm digging the music/psychology combo. I wonder - if music weren't such an integral part of society, would we still have had many of the breakthroughs we've had in other areas (physics, medicine, technology, etc)? After all, Einstein did play the violin.

I'm YYYYY, btw._


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> An example of an OkCupid message I sent that recieved a response. Note that she mentioned she was trying to figure out what her next tattoo would be, so I just suggested something random and ridiculous:
> 
> _The clown from American Horror Story: Freak Show as perceived by someone on LSD. That is your next tattoo.
> 
> Hey there, XXXXX. I'm digging the music/psychology combo. I wonder - if music weren't such an integral part of society, would we still have had many of the breakthroughs we've had in other areas (physics, medicine, technology, etc)? After all, Einstein did play the violin.
> 
> I'm YYYYY, btw._


LOL. Messages like that have garnered responses for me in the past, too. No lasting relationships, but responses anyway.


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

Recently talked to a women online, that would be the first women I initiated a conversation with in over a year. I really like her, a very beautiful girl. We traded messages back and forth. The last night we talked online She mentioned how she thought she wouldn't find the right guy she was looking for, and that maybe she attracts the wrong guys because of her looks.

I told her I didn't think so, and that there was more to her then just the way she looked, and that the right man would see that. I then gave her my number and said it might be easier to message by text and only if she wanted to she could text me. It's been a day with no response. I understand work and everything, but I am beginning to think maybe that was a bad move?


----------



## rymo

APrisonerOfTheMind said:


> Recently talked to a women online, that would be the first women I initiated a conversation with in over a year. I really like her, a very beautiful girl. We traded messages back and forth. The last night we talked online She mentioned how she thought she wouldn't find the right guy she was looking for, and that maybe she attracts the wrong guys because of her looks.
> 
> I told her I didn't think so, and that there was more to her then just the way she looked, and that the right man would see that. I then gave her my number and said it might be easier to message by text and only if she wanted to she could text me. It's been a day with no response. I understand work and everything, but I am beginning to think maybe that was a bad move?


Not at all. You can't dilly dally with the number or the girl will wonder what you're waiting for. In real life it's better to ask for the girl's number, but online I've found that it's just as effective to give yours first (usually the girl will follow up by simply giving hers, or ocassionally with take the initiatve to text).

Give it a few more days to a week. If still nothing, send her one more message (non-needy, just tell her she should give you her number in a funny or flirty way) and then see what happens.


----------



## theCARS1979

not a damn thing right now


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Not at all. You can't dilly dally with the number or the girl will wonder what you're waiting for. In real life it's better to ask for the girl's number, but online I've found that it's just as effective to give yours first (usually the girl will follow up by simply giving hers, or ocassionally with take the initiatve to text).


I agree. It shouldn't matter if you give your number first or get hers, if she's into you.


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

rymo said:


> Not at all. You can't dilly dally with the number or the girl will wonder what you're waiting for. In real life it's better to ask for the girl's number, but online I've found that it's just as effective to give yours first (usually the girl will follow up by simply giving hers, or ocassionally with take the initiatve to text).
> 
> Give it a few more days to a week. If still nothing, send her one more message (non-needy, just tell her she should give you her number in a funny or flirty way) and then see what happens.





srschirm said:


> I agree. It shouldn't matter if you give your number first or get hers, if she's into you.


Thanks for the encouragement! I have been over thinking, accessing and driving myself partially nuts over the last few days. I really don't mean to, But we will see how it goes. Calm and steady.


----------



## srschirm

APrisonerOfTheMind said:


> Thanks for the encouragement! I have been over thinking, accessing and driving myself partially nuts over the last few days. I really don't mean to, But we will see how it goes. Calm and steady.


No problem, man. Don't overthink things! Analysis can lead to paralysis! If she doesn't respond, she's not worthy of you.


----------



## DannyBoy64

So far, nothing. I am having a friend help me though.


----------



## rymo

I have a crush on someone for the first time in ages. She is a trainer at my gym, this exotic-looking brown-skinned girl with a body that is just unreal. It is insanely distracting when she's bouncing around and contorting and bending over all over the gym. Not just because of the fact that she's sexy as hell, but also because I'm constantly putting myself down the longer I go without trying to talk to her.

I have put this girl on a pedestal because she is not only very hot and in shape, but she's also incredibly extroverted, which is a huge turn-on to me. It's also highly intimidating. There is absolutely nothing that intimidates me more in a woman than intelligence and great social ability. I don't know how smart she is, but she's got the latter in spades, just the way she talks to people and emotes and such.

I constantly tell myself I have to push myself harder and go for what I want, but it's definitely a struggle when that self-doubt starts to creep in. It would help so much if I had a real life single guy friend to talk to about this stuff. Some encouragement and compatriotism. I feel like I have little problem talking to most girls, but when I see someone who is the full package or close to it, it becomes much more challenging.


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

srschirm said:


> No problem, man. Don't overthink things! Analysis can lead to paralysis! If she doesn't respond, she's not worthy of you.


Okay, well she responded and we have been talking back and forth. We don't have everything in common but we do have common interests and seem to get along. I like her. But I have a feeling she will want to meet sooner or later.......I am okay with that, but not being with a women for so long, and my SAD I really don't know If I could keep it together to see her. I would be too nervous and awkward.....My fear is that yea I can keep up a conversation through text, but when it comes to meeting that I will be so nervous and closed up that I wouldn't even be able to talk to her.

Do I eventually tell her I have SAD or that I get overly nervous?


----------



## srschirm

APrisonerOfTheMind said:


> Okay, well she responded and we have been talking back and forth. We don't have everything in common but we do have common interests and seem to get along. I like her. But I have a feeling she will want to meet sooner or later.......I am okay with that, but not being with a women for so long, and my SAD I really don't know If I could keep it together to see her. I would be too nervous and awkward.....My fear is that yea I can keep up a conversation through text, but when it comes to meeting that I will be so nervous and closed up that I wouldn't even be able to talk to her.
> 
> Do I eventually tell her I have SAD or that I get overly nervous?


I understand what you mean, but for me things usually don't work that way. Usually I get so nervous, but after the first few minutes, it dissipates and I'm able to make good conversation. Don't psyche yourself out!

I see no need to mention SAD or anxiety in general. Just be yourself and don't put that label on yourself. At least not right away. And you won't have everything in common with anyone. Don't fret over stuff like that at first. Just enjoy the relationship you do have.


----------



## rymo

APrisonerOfTheMind said:


> Okay, well she responded and we have been talking back and forth. We don't have everything in common but we do have common interests and seem to get along. I like her. But I have a feeling she will want to meet sooner or later.......I am okay with that, but not being with a women for so long, and my SAD I really don't know If I could keep it together to see her. I would be too nervous and awkward.....My fear is that yea I can keep up a conversation through text, but when it comes to meeting that I will be so nervous and closed up that I wouldn't even be able to talk to her.
> 
> Do I eventually tell her I have SAD or that I get overly nervous?


Nah, no point in telling her. Unless you guys got serious down the road, then sure. But it's just pointless in the beginning. Initial dates are for having fun, being flirty and sexual, finding common interests. SAD does not fit into any of those categories (unless she happens to have it to, or has some other mental issue). Just embrace the fact that you're going to be nervous and do your best to have fun anyway. That's the best you can do on the first date. Good luck!


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Nah, no point in telling her. Unless you guys got serious down the road, then sure. But it's just pointless in the beginning. Initial dates are for having fun, being flirty and sexual, finding common interests. SAD does not fit into any of those categories (unless she happens to have it to, or has some other mental issue). Just embrace the fact that you're going to be nervous and do your best to have fun anyway. That's the best you can do on the first date. Good luck!


Exactly. :yes


----------



## Sourdog

srschirm said:


> Sourdog said:
> 
> 
> 
> Just had the second date and it went well I thought. We talked for 2 and a half hours. It got awkward at times though. Didn't get a kiss at the end unfortunately. I'm starting to think that I may end up in the friend zone soon.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Do you have plans to see her again?
Click to expand...

We're going skating tomorrow. I'm not sure what's up with this girl. She barely texts back and when she does its one word answers and it feels like she isn't into me, but when I ask her to hang out she says yes though. We also seem to get along fine when we hangout too, not as much flirting as I'd like but still good.


----------



## huh

Had a date today. That's my first date in about 5 months now. It was really awkward and I wasn't really attracted to her.


----------



## blue2

Eating puppies :/


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

rymo said:


> Nah, no point in telling her. Unless you guys got serious down the road, then sure. But it's just pointless in the beginning. Initial dates are for having fun, being flirty and sexual, finding common interests. SAD does not fit into any of those categories (unless she happens to have it to, or has some other mental issue). Just embrace the fact that you're going to be nervous and do your best to have fun anyway. That's the best you can do on the first date. Good luck!


Again thank you for the advice from both of you! So far we have been talking okay.....I just feel weird..I am a person who has always been closed up, no friends and have only encountered two women in my life briefly. I don't know, Sometimes messaging her I talk great and am real out going, other times I just sit there looking at her message for a while because I can't think of anything to say. Not that I don't want to say anything, it's just I really have no experience with talking personally with a person... I have been alone since I was sixteen, I think being alone for that long has....Idk, ruined normal interaction with people for me.


----------



## WinterDave

I am checking out the local shopping malls, hoping to find my dream female mannequin that I can buy and settle down with....

Some of those vixens dress very provocatively though, and have 'been around'.... :no


----------



## Sourdog

Came back from the third date, it was pretty short. Didn't go in for the kiss again. fml i'm such a coward.


----------



## VinBZ

Asked a girl out today, and she said yes. Now I have to actually plan a date...


----------



## pacasio1

All I have to say is, too much flakin' going on for me


----------



## srschirm

Rymo, you sound a lot like me now (but you probably knew this already). We're both at a point now where we want more than shallow dates as we play the field. 

I've alluded on this board to the breakup I've been going through since last August. Being together over a year, then having it end, it sucks. Even if a lot of the reason is the distance. But it was a good relationship. I proved that I can be a great boyfriend, and that I want to settle down with one woman and be in love. I'm trying to find the positives.

What were her reasons for breaking things off? And why assume it's your fault and not hers? We all have our issues and areas we can improve upon, but by all accounts you seem like a great guy. So maybe the problem lies more with her and not you. Have you taken that into consideration?

I have no doubt you'll be back out there soon. You're too good a dude not to be.


----------



## srschirm

rymo said:


> Thanks man, you're always supportive, appreciated.
> 
> Getting back out there is no problem, and I know I would be an amazing boyfriend. It's just feels to me that because I'm insecure about my personality and it's hard for me to be fully relaxed conversationally, that when the opportunity presents itself I'm not going to be able to snag that girl who really blows me away. That girl I see potential with. That girl I am attracted to not only physically, but personality-wise and common interest-wise as well.
> 
> I don't come across that type of girl very often...that full package...and I can't settle for anything less if I'm going to pursue something serious. I know what I am worth deep down, it's just a matter of destroying this anxiety so I can live up to that potential.
> 
> With this specific girl, we talked about a lot of things. Another thing I liked about her, she was very open and honest. But she told me she had only been with X amount of guys and basically gave off the impression that she wants to play the field a bit. Which is cool, and when I realized this I told myself that there wouldn't be any point in pursuing things on a serious level, because she's at a certain point in her life and that's that. And that could be the main reason for her not responding to me. It all wasn't a big deal to me at all until I texted her and she didn't respond. Then my brain went haywire.
> 
> I know that if I weren't such a boring piece of **** and I had lots of exciting things going on in my life, she wouldn't be able to resist hanging out with me again and playing the field would seem less enticing. And as we basically spent all of last Sunday together, she had plenty of time to realize how lame I am. It's just...man...it's like, if you're skinny you can work out. If you don't have money you can work. But if you have a bad personality, or you're ultra quiet, what can you do? I try every day to improve it, but progress is glacial. I can look back and say I am better than I was even a few months ago, but it's not enough.
> 
> I might end up taking some kind of medication to help manage the anxiety, because although I've done things to reduce it, it's still always there, and I'm not getting any younger. It really does feel like you won the lottery of **** sometimes when you just can't be happy no matter what.


No problem, bro. I actually struggle with that same thing. Like, I'm on the verge of sending a funny text to a girl friend, but I'm not sure I should pull the trigger on it. I understand not settling for less. I can't blame you. But this girl seems at a different point in her life. Why bother with a chick who wants to mess around with other guys? It's not worth it. If she doesn't want you, she obviously isn't that great. You're blowing her up in your mind, putting her on a pedestal as the saying goes. For those people, it doesn't matter how awesome you are, they're always looking at what the grass is like on the other side.

Klonopin helps me. I've taken it every time I've seen my new friend. Have you tried it before?


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> No problem, bro. I actually struggle with that same thing. Like, I'm on the verge of sending a funny text to a girl friend, but I'm not sure I should pull the trigger on it. I understand not settling for less. I can't blame you. But this girl seems at a different point in her life. Why bother with a chick who wants to mess around with other guys? It's not worth it. If she doesn't want you, she obviously isn't that great. You're blowing her up in your mind, putting her on a pedestal as the saying goes. For those people, it doesn't matter how awesome you are, they're always looking at what the grass is like on the other side.
> 
> Klonopin helps me. I've taken it every time I've seen my new friend. Have you tried it before?


Nah. I've never tried anything for anxiety. Stubborn, always wanted to overcome it on my own. Never wanted a crutch. But at a certain point I started to realize it's actually impossible to do it 100% on my own. Chemical imbalance too stronk.


----------



## srschirm

Weird. She sounds out there man. I think you dodged a bullet here.


----------



## rymo

srschirm said:


> Weird. She sounds out there man. I think you dodged a bullet here.


lol. Who knows.


----------



## veron

I'm lurking at this thread because the "what are you doing to get a boy" counterpart is pretty much dead, so... yeah 

Rymo, it sounds like you're being very hard on yourself. That girl might have not been into you, but that doesn't mean your personality sucks. Is there even such a thing? What one person finds boring, another person would find exciting.


----------



## Bored Alien

veron said:


> I'm lurking at this thread because the "what are you doing to get a boy" counterpart is pretty much dead, so... yeah
> 
> Rymo, it sounds like you're being very hard on yourself. That girl might have not been into you, but that doesn't mean your personality sucks. Is there even such a thing? What one person finds boring, another person would find exciting.


Not speaking for anyone but myself, but when you bore yourself because you've run out of things to even think of, ya my personality sucks and is boring.


----------



## rymo

Bored Alien said:


> Not speaking for anyone but myself, but when you bore yourself because you've run out of things to even think of, ya my personality sucks and is boring.


Yeh. For me most of the time all I can think of is how much I suck haha. SO hard to get out of my head. I push myself out of my comfort zone in a lot of situations, but I'm still so far from being down on myself on a regular basis.


----------



## rymo

Buckyx said:


> bump, asnwer please
> 
> why everyone avoids this or when someone ask HOW do you get friends instead of WHERE what gets million of replies?


What?

Several people who have posted in this thread have lost their virginity since it started, I know that for sure. I'm not saying it has anything to do with this thread, but maybe, just maybe it inspired someone to talk to a girl or gave something a little bit of knowledge about what to say. Who knows?


----------



## srschirm

Buckyx said:


> bump, asnwer please
> 
> why everyone avoids this or when someone ask HOW do you get friends instead of WHERE what gets million of replies?


Well, since this thread started, I was in a serious relationship with a fantastic girl. Now, I'm becoming close friends with another. Who knows what that holds, but it's something. I haven't been completely shut out these 3 years.


----------



## huh

Yet another girl that agrees to go out then completely ignores me. I love it.


----------



## srschirm

huh said:


> Yet another girl that agrees to go out then completely ignores me. I love it.


Did you make concrete plans?


----------



## blue2

eating spiders


----------



## huh

srschirm said:


> Did you make concrete plans?


It's kinda hard to do that in a single message. I asked if she wanted to grab something to eat at some local place around here (I did mention a specific place in the message ). She said sure and wrote back a bit more. So my follow up was setting a specific day/time. That's when she ignored me.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

huh said:


> It's kinda hard to do that in a single message. I asked if she wanted to grab something to eat at some local place around here (I did mention a specific place in the message ). She said sure and wrote back a bit more. So my follow up was setting a specific day/time. That's when she ignored me.


is everything is going okay other than the fact she ignored your plans? If so, you could build a bit more comfort/rapport with her. After you can tell her its okay if she doesn't feel like meeting you, although you actually want to get to know her better. Try again with your plans in a week or so.


----------



## srschirm

huh said:


> It's kinda hard to do that in a single message. I asked if she wanted to grab something to eat at some local place around here (I did mention a specific place in the message ). She said sure and wrote back a bit more. So my follow up was setting a specific day/time. That's when she ignored me.


How long has it been since that message?


----------



## Sourdog

Man this girl really does not like texting first, It feels like she doesn't care at all. I'm not going to see her for 2 weeks because shes going away. Should I try and keep contact with her through text or should I just move on?


----------



## sad vlad

Will call one tomorrow to congratulate her on Women's Day(she hates it). She probably hates my guts by now and will not answer. This is the fortunate scenario. The other one invloves a lot of swearing and a complaint to the police. But will that stop me? Hell, no!


----------



## huh

photorealisticotakuman said:


> is everything is going okay other than the fact she ignored your plans? If so, you could build a bit more comfort/rapport with her. After you can tell her its okay if she doesn't feel like meeting you, although you actually want to get to know her better. Try again with your plans in a week or so.


While, she ignored my whole message. I don't want to keep messaging her if she's not going to respond back. I've tried the approach of continuing messaging someone even after they turn down a date or ignore the request, but it has never ended well.

At that point when the hell am I supposed to ask them out again? As far as I'm concerned they need to make the next move if they decide to turn down a date but then keep talking with me. Usually I just give up at that point because I don't want to have to be a mind-reader to determine when she's comfortable to go out and usually they just seem to keep me around for the extra attention or something.



srschirm said:


> How long has it been since that message?


A week. Before that she would typically respond the same day or the next day.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

huh said:


> While, she ignored my whole message. I don't want to keep messaging her if she's not going to respond back. I've tried the approach of continuing messaging someone even after they turn down a date or ignore the request, but it has never ended well.


Look man, I know how that can feel. But don't be so emotionally invested initially. At the same time, don't just give up so quickly because it could be a learning opportunity for you ( or sometimes the girl was only shy to begin with).



> At that point when the hell am I supposed to ask them out again? As far as I'm concerned they need to make the next move if they decide to turn down a date but then keep talking with me. Usually I just give up at that point because I don't want to have to be a mind-reader to determine when she's comfortable to go out and usually they just seem to keep me around for the extra attention or something.


Practice persistence. Practice the way you portray yourself to girls. Practice so that you make less mistakes with the right girl. Im not saying you made mistakes, I mean sometimes these things shouldn't knock your confidence down easy.
If she hasn't replied yet in a week or 2 ,Just text " Hey ___" and just chat, practice your text game ( for when you find a cool girl in future). Trust me, you don't want to date a person who flakes like that. Just have fun texting her, experimenting. Sometimes flakes are flakes because maybe they don't trust you yet ,so whatever don't take too personal that early. After 2 weeks of texting, ask her out again. If she says yes, follow up consistently. If she ignores your text or flakes and you feel very frustrated, text a " hey___." again after 4 weeks now ( she is losing you already ). If she ignores you, increasing the gap to 8 weeks would just be the same as forgetting her, so yeah just forget about her at that point. But I promise you would have gained some skills to portray confidence, persistence when you need them mostly etc.

Have freedom to talk to as much girls you like, but sometimes when you get those flakers, just improve your game with them. Practice persistence. Don't commit emotionally yet. ( Don't text them for too long, be the first to end the convo. Get to know them though, maybe they will tell you they are shy or something.)

When you find the right girl, ignore those flakers ( again; sometimes flakers do come around, but it depends if you still like them that way ). ....To summarize, practice talking to girls with those flakers, give them space and see how they respond. Initiate and try being more forward. You have nothing to lose, you are going to gain some skills. Sorry if this comes off like instructions, I didn't know how to explain properly :blank.


----------



## UltraShy

I put an ad on craiglist and found a lovely young lady of 21.

She already has a BF that she loves very much. Here only interest in me is to provide her with hard spankings, something which the average guy can't comprehend.

That's lovely, but I'd much rather have a relationship than just a pretty young a** to whip, hopefully severely.


----------



## pacasio1

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Look man, I know how that can feel. But don't be so emotionally invested initially. At the same time, don't just give up so quickly because it could be a learning opportunity for you ( or sometimes the girl was only shy to begin with).
> 
> Practice persistence. Practice the way you portray yourself to girls. Practice so that you make less mistakes with the right girl. Im not saying you made mistakes, I mean sometimes these things shouldn't knock your confidence down easy.
> If she hasn't replied yet in a week or 2 ,Just text " Hey ___" and just chat, practice your text game ( for when you find a cool girl in future). Trust me, you don't want to date a person who flakes like that. Just have fun texting her, experimenting. Sometimes flakes are flakes because maybe they don't trust you yet ,so whatever don't take too personal that early. After 2 weeks of texting, ask her out again. If she says yes, follow up consistently. If she ignores your text or flakes and you feel very frustrated, text a " hey___." again after 4 weeks now ( she is losing you already ). If she ignores you, increasing the gap to 8 weeks would just be the same as forgetting her, so yeah just forget about her at that point. But I promise you would have gained some skills to portray confidence, persistence when you need them mostly etc.
> 
> Have freedom to talk to as much girls you like, but sometimes when you get those flakers, just improve your game with them. Practice persistence. Don't commit emotionally yet. ( Don't text them for too long, be the first to end the convo. Get to know them though, maybe they will tell you they are shy or something.)
> 
> When you find the right girl, ignore those flakers ( again; sometimes flakers do come around, but it depends if you still like them that way ). ....To summarize, practice talking to girls with those flakers, give them space and see how they respond. Initiate and try being more forward. You have nothing to lose, you are going to gain some skills. Sorry if this comes off like instructions, I didn't know how to explain properly :blank.


This is good. This gave me a new perspective


----------



## rymo

Sourdog said:


> Man this girl really does not like texting first, It feels like she doesn't care at all. I'm not going to see her for 2 weeks because shes going away. Should I try and keep contact with her through text or should I just move on?


You can send a text or two during the weeks she's gone to keep things afloat. Just don't overdo it. Then when she comes back try to set up a date and see what happens. If she's not a big texter, don't expect to charm her pants off over the phone. Your goal is just to get the date going.


----------



## Sourdog

rymo said:


> You can send a text or two during the weeks she's gone to keep things afloat. Just don't overdo it. Then when she comes back try to set up a date and see what happens. If she's not a big texter, don't expect to charm her pants off over the phone. Your goal is just to get the date going.


Yeah, I'm probably going to do this.

Thanks Rymo.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

pacasio1 said:


> This is good. This gave me a new perspective


Glad it did pacasio1 :yes.


----------



## huh

As attractiveness goes up, conversational skills seem to go down. That has held pretty damn true for the vast majority of conversations I've had online. Maybe it's because they know they don't really have to put in much effort to get responses so they put in the bare minimum?


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> As attractiveness goes up, conversational skills seem to go down. That has held pretty damn true for the vast majority of conversations I've had online. Maybe it's because they know they don't really have to put in much effort to get responses so they put in the bare minimum?


Of course that's the reason. When you're an attractive girl and you're getting 50,000 messages a day, it's not practical at all to expend a lot of mental energy on one particular thread or message. That being said - there are exceptions.

In my experience, the best strategy is to send a really good first message, hope for a response, and if you do happen to get it, try to seal the number as soon as possible (and I mean soon) before she forgets about you altogether.


----------



## huh

rymo said:


> Of course that's the reason. When you're an attractive girl and you're getting 50,000 messages a day, it's not practical at all to expend a lot of mental energy on one particular thread or message. That being said - there are exceptions.
> 
> In my experience, the best strategy is to send a really good first message, hope for a response, and if you do happen to get it, try to seal the number as soon as possible (and I mean soon) before she forgets about you altogether.


I've got numbers like that, but then they're just as bad via text as they were through messages. I guess I'd rather settle for someone who might not be as attractive but can at least manage to hold a simple conversation and produce an original thought consisting of more than a couple of words.


----------



## rymo

huh said:


> I've got numbers like that, but then they're just as bad via text as they were through messages. I guess I'd rather settle for someone who might not be as attractive but can at least manage to hold a simple conversation and produce an original thought consisting of more than a couple of words.


If you can get the number, you can get the date going. Don't mince words if she's being a ****ty conversationalist. If that's the case just get something set up and see if things are different in person. I've found that when a girl like that is forced to just live in the moment and commit to the interaction, things become a lot better.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Considering going for a cheesy approach of asking a girl out.. It's essentially the same as leaving a note in the mail, but with a lot more work put in, more personal, sort of an inside joke and also involve chocolate.. Downside is I'm not there to see her reaction, I'm kind of afraid she might freak out and pretend not to have received it, or tell our mutual friends (before rejecting me). Being able to see her reaction would be preferred because I'd be able to see whether she was flattered(but didn't feel the same), was disgusted, or whether she said yes and meant it or if it was out of pity.

If she likes me back I don't see any downsides as it's kinda cute and I'd have a nice story on how we started dating. However if she wouldn't consider dating me this approach would leave me a lot more vulnerable because of the reasons mentioned earlier. I'd rather just ask her out in person but I've been meaning to ask her out since October/November, so far no luck. I hardly ever get to be truly alone with her for longer than a minute or two. And the few opportunities I've had, I'd be depressed over something else and figure I'd better not ask while feeling down.

I don't want to do it over text/chat, phone is not an option as we both very much dislike phonecalls, I think rejecting me over the phone would be the most awkward situation I could put her in. However hoping for that right moment just doesn't work... Not sure what to do...


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> Considering going for a cheesy approach of asking a girl out.. It's essentially the same as leaving a note in the mail, but with a lot more work put in, more personal, sort of an inside joke and also involve chocolate.. Downside is I'm not there to see her reaction, I'm kind of afraid she might freak out and pretend not to have received it, or tell our mutual friends (before rejecting me). Being able to see her reaction would be preferred because I'd be able to see whether she was flattered(but didn't feel the same), was disgusted, or whether she said yes and meant it or if it was out of pity.
> 
> If she likes me back I don't see any downsides as it's kinda cute and I'd have a nice story on how we started dating. However if she wouldn't consider dating me this approach would leave me a lot more vulnerable because of the reasons mentioned earlier. I'd rather just ask her out in person but I've been meaning to ask her out since October/November, so far no luck. I hardly ever get to be truly alone with her for longer than a minute or two. And the few opportunities I've had, I'd be depressed over something else and figure I'd better not ask while feeling down.
> 
> I don't want to do it over text/chat, phone is not an option as we both very much dislike phonecalls, I think rejecting me over the phone would be the most awkward situation I could put her in. However hoping for that right moment just doesn't work... Not sure what to do...


I don't recall the specifics of your situation but I would almost always ask out a girl that you know in person. What's the history between you guys? Do you barely talk to her, talk to her a lot and have good chemistry, or something in between? Is there a precedent for giving gifts to one another?


----------



## anyoldkindofday

rymo said:


> I don't recall the specifics of your situation but I would almost always ask out a girl that you know in person. What's the history between you guys? Do you barely talk to her, talk to her a lot and have good chemistry, or something in between? Is there a precedent for giving gifts to one another?


I'll answer in a pm so I can explain the idea a bit better.. Too much fear of getting recognized purely by posting the situation and the cheesy plan


----------



## villadb

I signed up for a pay dating site today to see if I get any more luck than with POF and Okcupid. Only one month to start with to see how it goes, but I found someone who used to work at the same place as me. She seemed as quiet as me so who knows, hey?


----------



## huh

Had someone flake on me again this weekend, so I consider my week complete now :teeth This is seriously the worst string of luck I've ever had with dating. No real prospects at the moment. I'll probably just focus on my programming projects for a while to get my mind off it. Or try to anyway.


----------



## pacasio1

Nothing going at the moment. Will be a long, long, long time before I get another glimmer of hope


----------



## anyoldkindofday

What would be the most logical thing to make from the following situation:

Me and the girl I like are alone in the kitchen, cooking something simple for a group of friends, talking about pancakes. Then the girl suggests she and I should eat pancakes sometime, I agree, however she quickly starts talking gibberish along the lines of "wait errr how would this work err uhwr"-seemingly unrelated to the pancakes, after which she starts to focus on the cooking. I could've brought up the pancakes again to figure out her intentions then and there, but I wouldn't want a first date to include pancakes for personal but perhaps dumb reasons.

Now I can't figure out what happened and whether she was:

Just making conversation not planning to actually follow through
Suggesting to eat pancakes as friends, then realising I like her, that I might get the wrong idea, back out and change subject
Suggesting to eat pancakes for whatever reason, remembering a friend likes me (probably not but I'll give it a 5% chance) backing out knowing her friend wouldn't like it
Asking me out, for some reason getting scared after I've already said yes.. (Can't really think why she'd back out within half a second of me saying we should, unless maybe I didn't say yes enthusiastically enough..?)

So despite her suggesting we should make pancakes in this cute, soft, perhaps even slightly submissive voice, I feel I can only come to a negative conclusion, as she started changing subjects only after I responded positively to the suggestion..

*I'm fully aware that a guy and a girl can hang out and eat pancakes without it being a date, however me and this girl never hang out just the two of us, so at the very least both of us would be wondering whether the other thinks it's a date...*


----------



## IcedOver

Just got another response to my ad. It looks like I'm back on the disappointment roller coaster. It's so gut wrenching. I make no apologies in saying that what I'm looking for in this ad is in the . . . fetish realm, and have talked about my experiences in this thread in years past. Considering a certain popular book and movie, fetishism is going mainstream (although I'm not looking for what's in that book). I replied to the most recent response today and am nervously awaiting a reply. This woman (if it is a woman, of course) seems at least a bit together -- she wrote in full sentences and said she has a professional degree (unlike some others who can barely string together a sentence). I don't know . . . she'll probably end up like one of the women below in my catalog of failure. These are the 100% confirmed women (i.e., not trannie catfish) who have replied to my ads over the last few years, if anyone cares:

1. Contacted me and said she was interested and into the same thing since she was younger. We did the e-mail dance for a while and then talked on the phone. Looked like it would happen. Eventually we met in person just to chat, and we made plans to meet at her place a few days after. Two days before, she texted me that her ex had come back and that they were reuniting. I tried to talk but she finally candidly admitted that she just wasn't interested. 

2. I contacted her based on something she said in her ad, and she was open to meeting for what I was interested in. Very poor grammar skills. She actually wanted to meet and texted me a couple times, but some red flags about stuff she said made me hesitate. Plus, she lived a county over and that was a problem as far as schedules. She texted me again months later, and again I hesitated. I tried to text her a few months ago, but she had gotten a different number.

3. Contacted me in response to my ad, but she had very limited experience. She said she wanted to meet, but kept putting off actually discussing when and where, saying she was too busy. We only e-mailed, so I assumed I was being catfished. In the past couple months she got back in touch and I've discovered that it's a real woman. She said that she's in a relationship, but a couple weeks ago said that she does want to meet, but that we would have to communicate regularly via text or e-mail so she can feel comfortable. I was all for that and wanted to keep in contact, but she has not replied to my e-mail. Sheesh!

4. Contacted me in response to my ad and said she was interested but had limited experience. I replied, and she didn't get back to me for several weeks. She said she had a lot of shame about it but that it was a complete turn-on. The day she replied, we talked on the phone for over an hour and it looked really good, although because of schedules, we weren't going to be able to meet for a few weeks. A couple days later she said that after we talked, she felt shame and embarrassment, and that she didn't know if it was right for her. We talked on the phone again and it looked like things were back on track, but the next morning she said she wasn't sure she wanted to meet at all, then confirmed it a week or so later. I've tried to talk again, but she isn't having it.

5. Contacted me in response to my ad and said she is interested and has been for years, but has no experience. I knew from her name that she had contacted me a few months earlier and did not reply to my first reply. The second go around, she suggested meeting a few days after in that first e-mail, but I made the mistake of saying that I wasn't looking to jump into anything. We traded one or two other e-mails, but it looked like the interest wore off, because she hasn't replied.

Anyway, I'm sure this woman today will turn out the same as the others. It's just really difficult getting your hopes up for something, anything, especially when you're 38 and have zero experience with women.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Okay ****... or yay.. 

She's coming by my house to pick some stuff up tomorrow morning. I could ask my housemates to be out of the house when she drops by... I haven't had a better chance of being alone with her (so I can ask her out) in the 5 months that I've liked her.

This idea scares the crap out of me though, the few times I've made a move on a girl it's always been natural, not staged... I feel this has a lot more potential to get awkward somehow. Besides, she hasn't seemed very interested over the past few days.. something feels wrong about trying with what feels like a <5% success chance.. But if she's just going to say no anyways, then I've got another reason to want to get this over with..


----------



## rymo

I've been seeing a girl for 3 weeks or so. I haven't been in a relationship for quite a while, and for legitimate reasons. Mostly due to the fact that I haven't met anyone who really knocked my socks off. Call me picky, but I'm looking for someone not only intelligent, funny, and attractive - but also someone who is social and extroverted and confident. I found all of those things in this girl.

And then today she dumped me (not that it was a relationship, but you get the idea). Something along the lines of: "I'm not really feeling it anymore. I feel like I'm looking for someone more cultured, someone who is more into museums and new food and movies and music..."

Wow. I am into ALL of those things (not so much art, but I'm open-minded enough to learn about it). Especially FOOD!!!!, movies, and more recently music. But in a way, she's right. Not that I'm not into those things, but that in her perception I'm not that into those things.

Why would she perceive those things if I am into those things? Because I don't get out much. I don't experience things as much as normal people. I don't have cool stories to tell about this concert or that museum. My anxiety holds me back almost every single day from doing all the cool stuff I want to do, so I don't exude culture and experience.

I knew this would happen to me eventually. All of the missed experiences coming back to bite me in the *** and make me seem like an uncultured oaf, even though that's so far from who I am it's not even funny.

Isn't it grand that it's always what we can't have that we want the most? I guess that's what keeps us going and trying to improve tho... :/


----------



## millenniumman75

rymo said:


> I've been seeing a girl for 3 weeks or so (sex, the whole deal). I haven't been in a relationship for quite a while, and for legitimate reasons. Mostly due to the fact that I haven't met anyone who really knocked my socks off. Call me picky, but I'm looking for someone not only intelligent, funny, and attractive - but also someone who is social and extroverted and confident. I found all of those things in this girl.
> 
> And then today she dumped me (not that it was a relationship, but you get the idea). Something along the lines of: "I'm not really feeling it anymore. I feel like I'm looking for someone more cultured, someone who is more into museums and new food and movies and music..."
> 
> Wow. I am into ALL of those things (not so much art, but I'm open-minded enough to learn about it). Especially FOOD!!!!, movies, and more recently music. But in a way, she's right. Not that I'm not into those things, but that in her perception I'm not that into those things.
> 
> Why would she perceive those things if I am into those things? Because I don't get out much. I don't experience things as much as normal people. I don't have cool stories to tell about this concert or that museum. My anxiety holds me back almost every single day from doing all the cool stuff I want to do, so I don't exude culture and experience.
> 
> I knew this would happen to me eventually. All of the missed experiences coming back to bite me in the *** and make me seem like an uncultured oaf, even though that's so far from who I am it's not even funny.
> 
> Isn't it grand that it's always what we can't have that we want the most? I guess that's what keeps us going and trying to improve tho... :/


Mental note (for me).....:con

* Additional requirement......she MUST play a musical instrument, preferably woodwind or orchestra string.


----------



## zoslow

Reading the title of this topic it suddenly struck me that I don't feel inclined to do very much at all to get a girl. I've made some honest attempts in the past with online dating and it didn't go too well. I think I will try asking this girl out that I talked a little with recently (in person). Just to give real life dating a chance. If she turns me down or if it doesn't go anywhere I'll just let it be.

I may very well have a change of heart the next time I'm feeling lonely. But yeah I've never been the desperate type and I'm not gonna waste a lot of time and energy on chasing after women. If someone likes me they can approach me for a change.


----------



## Imbored21

waiting for them to come to me. I've already come to conclusion that I cannot initiate anything and never will be able to.


----------



## pacasio1

rymo said:


> I've been seeing a girl for 3 weeks or so (sex, the whole deal). I haven't been in a relationship for quite a while, and for legitimate reasons. Mostly due to the fact that I haven't met anyone who really knocked my socks off. Call me picky, but I'm looking for someone not only intelligent, funny, and attractive - but also someone who is social and extroverted and confident. I found all of those things in this girl.
> 
> And then today she dumped me (not that it was a relationship, but you get the idea). Something along the lines of: "I'm not really feeling it anymore. I feel like I'm looking for someone more cultured, someone who is more into museums and new food and movies and music..."
> 
> Wow. I am into ALL of those things (not so much art, but I'm open-minded enough to learn about it). Especially FOOD!!!!, movies, and more recently music. But in a way, she's right. Not that I'm not into those things, but that in her perception I'm not that into those things.
> 
> Why would she perceive those things if I am into those things? Because I don't get out much. I don't experience things as much as normal people. I don't have cool stories to tell about this concert or that museum. My anxiety holds me back almost every single day from doing all the cool stuff I want to do, so I don't exude culture and experience.
> 
> I knew this would happen to me eventually. All of the missed experiences coming back to bite me in the *** and make me seem like an uncultured oaf, even though that's so far from who I am it's not even funny.
> 
> Isn't it grand that it's always what we can't have that we want the most? I guess that's what keeps us going and trying to improve tho... :/


That sucks. That is exactly how I feel, too many missed opportunities. Although from what I've read you're a smart guy, I am not. 
I feel I am into those things mentioned above (specially music) and if I am not, I would like to learn from those that know, but I am not smart enough, and I guess sometimes girls do not want to teach me, they would rather find someone who truly "gets them". Ultimately, we both end up at the same spot, rejected. Those missed experiences really hurt, and they eat me alive every day. But I know you can get it done and meet someone else soon. I on the other hand will have to wait, maybe forever


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Trying to get rich first then i can afford a girlfriend.


----------



## blue2

What am I a supposed to do :stu they all like pretty boys who bathe more than once a year and a fancy car and are optimistic about the future and talk to them bout stuff like flowers ...


----------



## IcedOver

I'm nearly feeling physically ill. As I mentioned in a post above, I keep getting flaked on by women for what I'm looking for. It's all enthusiasm from them until it's not. I've had a good e-mail conversation going since Monday with a woman, and yesterday I sent my photo. It's been 24 hours and no reply. Of course an explanation could exist for it, but I'm not hopeful. This is so wearying. 85% of my thoughts this week have been on this situation, hoping finally to push this through with someone and have something fun happen. You'd think I would be used to this flakiness, and I guess I am, but that doesn't make it any easier. :no


----------



## anyoldkindofday

She came by my house yesterday, but I was way too tired to make a move or follow up on any potential openings she gave me. Besides my housemate was there aswell, he was busy doing dishes, she was doing **** on her phone and I was just standing there wondering if it was as awkward for them as it was for me.. fml... I should've told my housemate to leave the house for that day, but I didn't feel like sending him off while I wasn't sure if I was even going to make a move..


----------



## IcedOver

I'm feeling physically ill. I think I've checked my e-mail 2000 times in the past three days. Maybe it's inexperience, but it amazes me how inconsiderate women can be in the dating/interpersonal realm. They can lead you on and tease you, but any hitch in the road causes them to bail. They're cowards, afraid to give anyone a chance but also afraid to tell the truth. The freeze-out is their preferred MO. Disgusting.


----------



## h04r3

Nothing and there is nothing I can do.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Hate myself for still not making a move, always have friends around..

I could make it a lot less pressure by asking her to make pancakes like she suggested, but then I leave it ambiguous and run the risk of her giving me some vague response..

I wish "Wanna go out sometime" didn't sound like the lamest words ever said in my language...


----------



## rymo

anyoldkindofday said:


> Hate myself for still not making a move, always have friends around..
> 
> I could make it a lot less pressure by asking her to make pancakes like she suggested, but then I leave it ambiguous and run the risk of her giving me some vague response..
> 
> I wish "Wanna go out sometime" didn't sound like the lamest words ever said in my language...


Well you shouldn't say "Wanna go out sometime". Make it more definite. Say something like, "Hey so you doing anything Friday? Let's grab a drink [or insert whatever activity here]." But whatever you say, for god's sake man just go for it!!!!!!!!!

Your friends being there means nothing, you are using that as an excuse. You're asking a girl on a date, not planning a covert spy mission. You have been torturing yourself about this for way too long. She's a girl you see all the time, just ask her!


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

blue2 said:


> What am I a supposed to do :stu they all like pretty boys who bathe more than once a year and a fancy car and are optimistic about the future and talk to them bout stuff like flowers ...


Hey blue2 Don't worry man. You mustn't be insecure about having no fancy car. You don't have to be optimistic about your future, but you have to try to get by even in those most pessimistic periods of time. You don't have to talk about flowers period, You just have to talk and get them talking. Just be clean though, or atleast look like you take a bath more than once a year lol.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I think I am Mr. Overthinker. I overthink situations and create something out of nothing. I feel the need to break out of my "good guy niceness" or nice guy ish stuff. The thing is, I know I am kind hearted and have patience. That is my true self. I don't want to be alpha or what is stereotypical characterized alpha male. Yet I sometimes feel like that is the only way to get and keep a girl. So weird because I've been dating this nice girl, who is like me..patient, not too physical but very thoughtful, funny. I feel things are going very good, but sometimes I feel like I should be stepping my game up so that she doesn't lose interest. But oddly enough, when I just become myself e.g talking about life, listening to her random stories, cheering her up, joking around, being awkward even when I tell her how I feel, patience, telling her about recent movies i've watched, or my animations etc that is when I feel more confident in myself and stop overthinking. I am always stress myself unnecessarily. I do give credit to pua articles sometimes for boosting confidence, but Pua articles always make me feel like I'm not a man. 

f**k my english


----------



## srschirm

Don't follow that PUA stuff dude, just be yourself (while increasing your confidence. Confidence is healthy outside of meeting women too). The girl should like you for who you are, as you seem like a good dude.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

srschirm said:


> Don't follow that PUA stuff dude, just be yourself (while increasing your confidence. Confidence is healthy outside of meeting women too). The girl should like you for who you are, as you seem like a good dude.


thanks srschirm . Guys around my area are very sleazy and arrogant, but sometimes it does make me feel a bit intimidated. I live in a small town. There are some guys I know and they keep hitting on my girl when I'm not around her. So I feel they are always undermining me ,secretly. ( for years they have been, but this is low) They are in my age group. Their attempts are funny and pathetic to me, but today for example I saw one of the guys approaching some younger guy with his girl. They basically didn't even care about the guy's presence and simply tried picking up the girl. Their attempts were lame though, but I feel it creates some discomfort for the guy. That happened to me once with some other older guys, but well its just that they are very sleazy so they had little luck. I kind of used some tools I've seen from PUA videos and articles about AMOGs and got lucky a bit. But I wonder what if they eventually out alpha me and s**t like that lol ?


----------



## Bored Alien

If you can actually dance and don't feel like an absolute fool doing so, how are you not getting girls man? You need to work on closing obviously.


----------



## huh

I think I just enjoy the self abuse of attempting to even get a date. I should have stopped for a little while...but I didn't..hah. Well, I managed to lose another potential date after waiting too long to ask her out. She lost interest and then ignored me. Meanwhile I think I asked another girl out too fast. She flaked on me, got 'sick' right before the date, then ignored me. I hate playing this mind reading game. I can't tell when a girl is comfortable to go out with me. Yet, even if they are THEY WILL NEVER INITIATE A DATE. Apparently I'm just supposed to ****ing guess and hope I ask within the magic window of time.


----------



## HenDoggy

huh said:


> I think I just enjoy the self abuse of attempting to even get a date. I should have stopped for a little while...but I didn't..hah. Well, I managed to lose another potential date after waiting too long to ask her out. She lost interest and then ignored me. Meanwhile I think I asked another girl out too fast. She flaked on me, got 'sick' right before the date, then ignored me. I hate playing this mind reading game. I can't tell when a girl is comfortable to go out with me. Yet, even if they are THEY WILL NEVER INITIATE A DATE. Apparently I'm just supposed to ****ing guess and hope I ask within the magic window of time.


Yep, Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think the magical time frame is within 3 days, otherwise they'll lose interest. I would say text/talk for 2 days then ask her out.


----------



## huh

Well, I managed to go on a date. It was literally the weirdest date ever. I can't go out with someone like that :/ She has no car, no job, is overweight, and apparently is on 4 different meds or something. We didn't even get along that well. But I have to say that much of that situation seems to be pretty common. The last 3 girls or so to actually keep talking with me recently have no job and still live with their parents or relatives.


----------



## rymo

photorealisticotakuman said:


> thanks srschirm . Guys around my area are very sleazy and arrogant, but sometimes it does make me feel a bit intimidated. I live in a small town. There are some guys I know and they keep hitting on my girl when I'm not around her. So I feel they are always undermining me ,secretly. ( for years they have been, but this is low) They are in my age group. Their attempts are funny and pathetic to me, but today for example I saw one of the guys approaching some younger guy with his girl. They basically didn't even care about the guy's presence and simply tried picking up the girl. Their attempts were lame though, but I feel it creates some discomfort for the guy. That happened to me once with some other older guys, but well its just that they are very sleazy so they had little luck. I kind of used some tools I've seen from PUA videos and articles about AMOGs and got lucky a bit. But I wonder what if they eventually out alpha me and s**t like that lol ?


Hey man. It's hard when you aren't 150% secure with yourself to not be intimidated by those situations. I know for me, one of my fears about becoming serious with a girl is definitely the thought that at any time she could meet someone more successful, witty, and interesting than me. And I would mostly think that way because I wouldn't feel good enough for the girl, since I don't feel very good about myself (yet). That's really what it comes down to. And I feel like the only things you can do about that are to just go through the relationship and get experience, and to just continue to work on yourself - staying non-dependent on the relationship and increasing your own confidence and self-worth over time via other means. So basically time.

I know. Generic advice. But really, there's no other answer here. What are you gonna do? Beat up everyone that talks to your girl? Nope. Staying aloof about those kinds of situations is attractive. The more you worry, the more the insecurity seeps through and she will take note. But if you act collected, over time you'll brush off those kinds of situations and realize that if something does happen, it was completely out of your control because you put your best foot forward.

Trust me - just try to laugh off these "alpha" douchenozzles, because they're dorks just trying to satiate their ego, not men of any real substance.


----------



## blue2




----------



## EMPx

Zippo.

After a life time of being called 'ugly' and recoiled at I cut my losses.


----------



## kingbaby

Hey everybody! Okay so I made this account years ago just so I could look at the members-only forums. 1-2 months ago me and my gf broke up. It was over a year long relationship and she was cheating. After we broke up she was begging me to take her back, which made it very hard because I still loved her. During the relationship I thought about going back to this site to post a positive thread like this and give guys advice on how to meet women at work(only place I've had success). I guess I was too lazy to do that lol. So here is my attempt to get a girl since:

I got a new job and friended this girl from my old job that I used to talk to. Began messaging her on FB and got her number. I then called her and we talked shortly and I asked her to dinner. She said she would love to but she is seeing someone at the moment.

After messaging her on FB the first time the conversation kind of fizzled out. I decided to give up on that, but then I discovered this thread. So I was like screw it and tried to get a date going. I like the positivity of this thread rymo. I need help in approaching women though. Also what happened to that Zeeshan guy and bsd guy?


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

rymo said:


> Hey man. It's hard when you aren't 150% secure with yourself to not be intimidated by those situations. I know for me, one of my fears about becoming serious with a girl is definitely the thought that at any time she could meet someone more successful, witty, and interesting than me. And I would mostly think that way because I wouldn't feel good enough for the girl, since I don't feel very good about myself (yet). That's really what it comes down to. And I feel like the only things you can do about that are to just go through the relationship and get experience, and to just continue to work on yourself - staying non-dependent on the relationship and increasing your own confidence and self-worth over time via other means. So basically time.
> 
> I know. Generic advice. But really, there's no other answer here. What are you gonna do? Beat up everyone that talks to your girl? Nope. Staying aloof about those kinds of situations is attractive. The more you worry, the more the insecurity seeps through and she will take note. But if you act collected, over time you'll brush off those kinds of situations and realize that if something does happen, it was completely out of your control because you put your best foot forward.
> 
> Trust me - just try to laugh off these "alpha" douchenozzles, because they're dorks just trying to satiate their ego, not men of any real substance.


Rymo, thanks for the advice man. I have been doing trying to not take situations like that seriously. I guess on the outside I handle those things fairly well actually, but on the inside it does strike a chord in me. Guess I know deep down I'm a sensitive person, so I don't want to embarrass her by acting sensitive. 
And you are right, over-time I have gotten used to those situations with other guys.


----------



## rymo

So I mentioned a little while ago this girl who I was seeing who "dumped" me because I wasn't cultured enough. Well it just so happens she contacted me a week or two ago and we started hanging out again. How easily she allowed me inside, while the whole time I still didn't feel like she liked me that much. Wasn't feeling that extra something. Which is perfectly fine, but she knew how I felt about her and still decided to carry on like this for weeks. Then today she says she's not feeling it. Again. This time because she doesn't have butterflies. 

Not only does it hurt because I liked her, it hurts because she was so nonchalant about the whole thing, and it hurts because I know..I KNOW that if I didn't live my whole life with this ****ty social anxiety I would be charming and conversational enough to sweep someone intelligent, beautiful and confident like that right off their feet. It always feels like I'm just behind the god damn curve, not getting out of life what I feel like I should be able to.


----------



## HenDoggy

I ordered pizza hoping the delivery person was a female..


----------



## WillYouStopDave

Oh, I'm still charming the pants off of them with my stinky farts, my potbelly, my general sour personality, my permanent five o clock shadow and my twisted humor


----------



## kingbaby

Well I went to a bar alone last night. I was hanging out with my neighbor - he drinks all the time. We got drunk, talked and stuff, and he went to bed. Then I said screw it and walked to this bar that just opened near my house. I live in a small city I guess, maybe a big town lol. I go in. There are few country people, bikers, and nasty meth-head looking women lol.

I order a beer and am thinking "I got to get the blank outta here." Drink it, order another. I'm looking at this one younger country looking girl but a dude is talking to her. Then I set my eyes on this girl hanging out with her friend, and her friend's BF. She has a pretty face but is overweight. I just said screw it and without even thinking pulled up a chair beside her and began talking. I've only approached two women in situations like this and both times I was completely wasted, so this time I'm just drunk but can totally hold a decent conversation. I wasn't even nervous. We were making out within like 5-10 minutes.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to take her home from what we've been talking about. She's at least going to give me a ride home at this point. Bar closes. We go outside this young girl is drunk as cluck about to drive home. Everyone is trying to get her to call a friend or something. Eventually the girl I'm talking to is speaking with this drunk lady. 

Drunk girl grabs my girl by the hair and is talking ****. My girl is very patient and is trying to talk her down. Drunk girl is pulling her hair more, my girl starts swinging on this girl. They go to the ground and I grab drunk girls arms and am trying to pull her away and saying "Someone pull her off." Nobody grabs the girl I'm talking to, so basically I'm holding drunk girls arms while my girl is punching her in the face. I let go of her arms and she's not even protecting her face just getting punched. So my girl stops hitting her, no blood, no broken nose or anything.

She drops her friends off at her house, comes to my house and we blank(What am i allowed to say?)lol. Crazy night. 

I wish I lived in a big city that had nice bars, within walking distance. This bar just had people I'm not really comfortable around I guess. I used to read posts with guys talking about one night stands or girlfriends and be like whatever you don't have any problems. Now I've reached a level where I'm more comfortable with myself around women. I've improved but I still have a long way to go. The biggest thing is to just do what you want to immediately. I wanted to go to the bar - I went. I wanted to talk to this woman - I talked to her. No thoughts about negative or positive consequences. I've been using PoF too, it sucks lol.


----------



## jsgt

^^ Sounds like a typical night in south Georgia. Was this at The Log Cabin? :lol

Cool story and props for pushing through your apprehension.


----------



## kingbaby

lol jsgt. It's in SC lol close to GA. I'm going to stay away from that bar though because I found myself considering the older, rougher looking ladies there. Slim pickens there


----------



## huh

I've been talking with someone for a few weeks now so I decided to ask them out. They agreed...but ever since I've tried to setup a specific day/time she has ignored me :blank It seems to be very common that a girl will agree to go out then afterwards stop talking to me. Is that just an easy way to reject someone that they don't feel comfortable saying no to for some reason?



HenDoggy said:


> I ordered pizza hoping the delivery person was a female..


Uhhh...so you kidnapped her? :teeth


----------



## HenDoggy

huh said:


> I've been talking with someone for a few weeks now so I decided to ask them out. They agreed...but ever since I've tried to setup a specific day/time she has ignored me :blank It seems to be very common that a girl will agree to go out then afterwards stop talking to me. Is that just an easy way to reject someone that they don't feel comfortable saying no to for some reason?
> 
> Uhhh...so you kidnapped her? :teeth


No, I just bribed her with tips so she would go out with me.  She gave me an extra cheese packet so I think that means something..


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Going to work so I can live to meet someone.


----------



## kingbaby

huh said:


> I've been talking with someone for a few weeks now so I decided to ask them out. They agreed...but ever since I've tried to setup a specific day/time she has ignored me :blank It seems to be very common that a girl will agree to go out then afterwards stop talking to me. Is that just an easy way to reject someone that they don't feel comfortable saying no to for some reason?


How do you ask these women out. "Do you want to go out with me some time?" That's how I used to ask and it would result in a long texting game, with no results. Recently I would ask them to do something specific, "Let's go to dinner.", over the phone, and then figure out the details at that time.

I don't know if that's your problem but that should help some guys out. And congratulations on asking, that takes balls


----------



## kingbaby

TheOLDPrince said:


> Zilch, zip, zero, nothin', no, nada


Well... DO SOMETHING!

Jk, I'm kinda stuck too, don't know what to do. I need some friends to go out with. I used to be very anti-social and would avoid hanging out with people I knew from work. Before I worked, in high school it was even worse. So now I'm just stuck ): If anyone lives in the state of SC and wants to try to start picking up chicks hit me up. Months ago I wasn't even at this level so things are a' changin.

Oh ya prince but you gotta do something man. I know you want a woman. If you aren't at the level of getting one, then improve yourself. I don't know what you're doing with your life, but there is always something you can do.


----------



## Malek

I think I'm making progress, I mean, I asked out a girl for the first time in my life and she did go out with me. I think she was only being nice though cause she claims she's lesbian to everyone at work. But we made out in the movie theater and when I dropped her off we kissed. She obviously wanted to test men for a bit but decided it wasn't for her, guess I'm a poor specimen? :| But wow man, I finally put myself out there for once, usually I pathetically let the girls chase me but I was very witty this time and made this gal laugh.

So unlike me, but it was temporary and it fizzled, where did my confidence go? I need more opportunities and practice but I've been in a rut for a few months now. Hopefully stress at work will reduce as well as other aspects and I can feel ready enough to try again later yet hopefully soon.


----------



## pacasio1

After a couple months at the end of last year, where I was actually seeing one girl and asked a couple girls out, (one that I was really attracted to) I'm in a rut now. I have not tried at all so far this year and I see no prospects yet. Who knows what this year will bring but it looks like a long year of loneliness and bitterness for me


----------



## illadelphroots

I just try to be friendly. I don't care about getting 'friendzoned' or something petty like that, I just think that if we find things in common and spend enough time with each other, then we might end up falling for each other, but if she doesn't, then we can't be good together.

Basically, I don't see her as a target or a prize, more of a friend that has some potential to be more if we are compatible


----------



## huh

I had a date this past week (not with the girl I asked out previously..someone else). But there was just no attraction :blank I hate to seem shallow, but she was like 3 times my size. There was no way to tell from her pictures online though. I don't mind someone with a few extra pounds (in fact I tend to like that a bit), but not when it hits the level of obesity.


----------



## Zeeshan

huh said:


> I had a date this past week (not with the girl I asked out previously..someone else). But there was just no attraction :blank I hate to seem shallow, but she was like 3 times my size. There was no way to tell from her pictures online though. I don't mind someone with a few extra pounds (in fact I tend to like that a bit), but not when it hits the level of obesity.


meh, the way it is online she will still find many many suitors


----------



## srschirm

huh said:


> I had a date this past week (not with the girl I asked out previously..someone else). But there was just no attraction :blank I hate to seem shallow, but she was like 3 times my size. There was no way to tell from her pictures online though. I don't mind someone with a few extra pounds (in fact I tend to like that a bit), but not when it hits the level of obesity.


Nothing wrong with that, brother. It happens...


----------



## Sourdog

Well I finally lost my virginity so there's that.


----------



## Zeeshan

Sourdog said:


> Well I finally lost my virginity so there's that.


wow congrats

see nothing changed.


----------



## pacasio1

Have not seen this thread in a couple months. For me, same old same old. Nothing going on in my life


----------



## sultantrum

As the trend goes on you can go on with online dating as I am. This is much more efficient as we can get to know the girl while interacting with her daily.


----------



## annoymous

One of the keys to getting a date with a girl is showing some level of confidence whether it is fake or not. Fake it till you make it does apply to some extent. Also, being positive and not too clingy or needy. People are naturally turned on by confidence, humor and open personality types. These are things that are difficult to do, but trust me, I have suffered through crippling anxiety throughout the years and showing some semblance of confidence goes a long way. Just go out there and ask her/him out. It's not going to kill you. If it doesn't go well, then take it's still a positive thing...at least you had the courage to put yourself out there which is the first step in the right direction.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Back to doing nothing as per usual


----------



## Kevin001

Idk, my muscles are getting more defined. I hope that helps.


----------



## CryoSynth

Malek said:


> She obviously wanted to test men for a bit but decided it wasn't for her, guess I'm a poor specimen? :|


Don't think of it that way. That's the worst thing you can do. When these things don't work out it's not necessarily that you're at fault, just that you two aren't compatible.

As for me, doing the dating site thing on a few sites. Nothing substantial yet but I just remind myself its only been about two months, it'd be dumb of me to give up hope so early. Patience is required.


----------



## Elleire

By attempting to switch my focus to overall self-betterment (i.e., losing weight, exercising my sad little social muscles whenever the opportunity arises, including talking to real, live, scary human women in public, generally taking care of myself and keeping my life in relative order) which I hope will, in turn, make me more attractive. I've tried OKC off and on to no avail. So, yes, I'm trying to "get" (really icky way of phrasing it, to be honest) a woman by not actively trying, 'cause, you know: Obsessing --> Sadness --> Desperation --> Dating DOA


----------



## bad baby

growing a penis


----------



## HilarityEnsues

Actually in contact with a woman 8 years older than me right now... Always had a thing for older women and she's a coaster buff and does paranormal investigations every now and then. We're meeting at Busch Gardens to ride coasters and get to know each other a bit more. Those eyes tho... I almost melted when I looked into them.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

things have been going great with my girl. But lately I've picked up that although I have been working hard to love myself, I realized I still sense that I have low self esteem. I tell myself most of the time that it's all in my head, but today I realize that I haven't completely gotten rid of my esteem issues. I have also realised I have minor trust issues. I know its just my head playing around with me so I practice to not focus there. It would be quite stupid for me to let this get to my relationship, so I decided I should word it out a little here on SAS. My brain tends to overthink and I keep googling about relationships, girls, weird situations etc to feel better. That stuff used to make me feel better, push forward and learn about women,but now the information tends to be unhelpful, gets me depressed, obsessed and sleeping very late. I can't 100% enjoy the "now" with my girl. I overthink what I should have done in situations to seem "cooler/attractive/perfect"etc. But I am stupid for thinking this way. She loves my natural self. People tend to call me dr.phil for helping them, now I feel like I need someone else to probe my mind. So far I have been a confident individual, so this is just my mind playing tricks with me.


----------



## Kevin001

Nothing anymore, unless one falls out of the sky its not in the cards for me.


----------



## Buttered Toast

Praying. It hasn't worked, yet.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Back to being single. I f***ing hate it already. Gotta work on a lot of issues before I jump back into things. I am not looking forward to the dating world again...that's if I even decide to jump back into it. Just the idea of going through that process is giving me a headache.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Waiting for a super model to come knocking on my door...

Still waiting... :crying:


----------



## Cuban FL Cracker

I stand in the background and hope one of them will talk to me and ask me out on a date. It hasn't worked so far.


----------



## ormstunga

Well, there was a girl I liked for 2 years. We had a platonic rollercoaster, but nothing romantic at all. I've stopped talking to her for half a year, and then decided to maybe try and start again. We went on some non-romantic dates, engaged in some green pastimes, but I've never kissed her or anything. Eventually, I've tried kissing her, but just couldn't physically force myself. After half an hour of talking with her about my anxiety (she's just so patient), I've decided to go for it, and we've been in a steady relationship ever since. Communication is the key, I guess. I still get anxious around her, especially when I feel it's the time to kiss her, but communicating my anxiety unto her doesn't repel her, but on the contrary. It helps.

So I guess I can stop doing to get a girl, and start actually working on a healthy relationship.

What I'm saying is that you guys should probably force yourself to communicate. I know how hard it is, the sweat, shortness of breath, mumbling of words - but once you force yourself to get it out, it get slightly easier every time.


----------



## Jesuszilla

ormstunga said:


> Well, there was a girl I liked for 2 years. We had a platonic rollercoaster, but nothing romantic at all. I've stopped talking to her for half a year, and then decided to maybe try and start again. We went on some non-romantic dates, engaged in some green pastimes, but I've never kissed her or anything. Eventually, I've tried kissing her, but just couldn't physically force myself. After half an hour of talking with her about my anxiety (she's just so patient), I've decided to go for it, and we've been in a steady relationship ever since. Communication is the key, I guess. I still get anxious around her, especially when I feel it's the time to kiss her, but communicating my anxiety unto her doesn't repel her, but on the contrary. It helps.
> 
> So I guess I can stop doing to get a girl, and start actually working on a healthy relationship.
> 
> What I'm saying is that you guys should probably force yourself to communicate. I know how hard it is, the sweat, shortness of breath, mumbling of words - but once you force yourself to get it out, it get slightly easier every time.


That's an amazing story. Happy for you guys, and so glad she was patient and understood your anxiety.


----------



## gunner21

So I've been talking to this girl from okcupid for 2 weeks. I stalked her on social media today and she's ridiculously pretty, like way out of my league pretty. This is making me nervous.

Anyways, from the conversations she doesn't seem that interested in me, but we have agreed to meet up on tuesday and play squash. I'm fully expecting her to not show up. Oh well.


----------



## Charmeleon

Buckyx said:


> what should I do ?


Sacrifice two goats and a child in my name and promise me your soul and I shall deliver you the women of your dreams.



ButteredToast said:


> Praying. It hasn't worked, yet.


You've been praying to the wrong god friend.


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> So I've been talking to this girl from okcupid for 2 weeks. I stalked her on social media today and she's ridiculously pretty, like way out of my league pretty. This is making me nervous.
> 
> Anyways, from the conversations she doesn't seem that interested in me, but we have agreed to meet up on tuesday and play squash. I'm fully expecting her to not show up. Oh well.


Goodluck!


----------



## gunner21

Elliot Alderson said:


> Goodluck!


Messaged her asking what time she was available. It's been 6 hours since she read it and no replies. I guess it's a flop.


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> Messaged her asking what time she was available. It's been 6 hours since she read it and no replies. I guess it's a flop.


 Sorry to hear that man.


----------



## Cam1

Have had a crush on this girl from work for like three weeks now (would that be too soon to ask her out?). We work together four nights a week and have class together on one of the other nights. It's weird, she's super easy to talk to, pretty, interesting, lots of the same interests and opinions, good taste in music, self aware, etc. I've never found it so easy to talk to someone, especially a girl. I'm fairly certain she likes me too so I just need to build up the courage to act on it before it's too late. It's hard with work because it would make things incredible awkward if she rejected me. I'm also technically her manager too but I don't think that's a huge deal. I was thinking of inviting her to ice cream or something after work. Like "i'm going to get ice cream after work before they close for the winter" and ideally she would be like "ooh that sounds good" and I would invite her along. IDK if that's a good idea or if I should just directly ask her out? Anyway, I'll see her a lot so there should be lots of opportunities and I can continue to get to know her better. Feels kinda good tbh, rarely develop any feelings for people, romantic or platonic.

Been like three years since I've been interested in anyone, and haven't been on a date since around my 19th birthday. Wow.


----------



## Treadman

can't get a girl to save my life. Going to be 31 soon and had zero interest from anyone of the female persuasion. Just gonna die alone.


----------



## Buttered Toast

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Sacrifice two goats and a child in my name and promise me your soul and I shall deliver you the women of your dreams.
> 
> You've been praying to the wrong god friend.


If Satan > our Lord and Master is the wrong God, I don't want to know what Right is.


----------



## GeorgeWBush

17 and still have never had a girlfriend before. I recently fell in love with this girl but she rejected me and still has never spoken to me again. I'm currently not doing anything to find a girlfriend because it still hurts for me to talk about my former love. I just hope I don't end up like some of these people I've seen on Yahoo Answers recently.


----------



## GeorgeWBush

Currently not doing anything to get a girlfriend at the moment. I recently fell in love with a girl a year ago but she rejected me and we haven't spoken since. I haven't been interested in anybody because I'm still recovering from the heartbreaking ending.


----------



## My Hearse

I've joined POF & Okcupid again but after this week I will most likely delete it as usual due to no feedback from the people on it.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm an idiot I know I'm not ready to date and that hitting on someone is a big no for me personally yet here I am at Walmart this morning awkwardly hitting on a girl with my low tone voice. The s***ty attempt can be summed up like this:

Me: "Hey you look cute, do you have a boyfriend? :afr"
Her: "Yes *giggles* :bah"
Me: "Oh :| have a great day "

I didn't even talk to her while she was checking my items out. It was stupid, it was embarrassing and it made no sense.

Why would that be the first words to say to a girl? Not smart. Such a stupid risk because I know I'm not ready for anything with a woman at the moment. Just stressed myself for no reason.


----------



## SilentLyric

add me to the list of being an okcupid failure.


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm an idiot I know I'm not ready to date and that hitting on someone is a big no for me personally yet here I am at Walmart this morning awkwardly hitting on a girl with my low tone voice. The s***ty attempt can be summed up like this:
> 
> Me: "Hey you look cute, do you have a boyfriend? :afr"
> Her: "Yes *giggles* :bah"
> Me: "Oh :| have a great day "
> 
> I didn't even talk to her while she was checking my items out. It was stupid, it was embarrassing and it made no sense.
> 
> Why would that be the first words to say to a girl? Not smart. Such a stupid risk because I know I'm not ready for anything with a woman at the moment. Just stressed myself for no reason.


Doesn't matter, you approached.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Elliot Alderson said:


> Doesn't matter, you approached.


No it was really stupid and impromptu approach that made no sense. Why would anyone first words to a girl be asking her out and to make things worse my voice was really low. There was zero confidence in my approach
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

I've been dreaming about my ex all the time. I miss her badly. I don't want anyone to be the stupid f*** up I am. She was someone anyone would want she was caring, fun to be with, funmy, understanding, patient. She had goals and dreams she was actively trying to achieve. She was amazing. 

And I ruined everything. Why? Because although I had a great gf I was too damn depressed, my self esteem is rock f***ing bottom, I was often too anxious to be the man she needed. I was never able to fully show her how much she meant to me. I was a terrible bf. And it went to the point she pointed out that I caused her to have her worst relationship ever.

This is why I'm terrified of having another partner. I don't trust myself to not make the same mistakes again...thats if I'm lucky enough to meet someone like her because let's face it meeting a good compatible person is extremely difficult. 

Yes I'm focused on continuing to better myself. But I've been bettering myself for years now. I am hoping SA and depression aren't the death sentence many here believe. I've always pushed in hopes that this disorder is manageable to live a decent life. But I don't know anymore...I may have ruined my one chance


----------



## Jesuszilla

Warning to men here please do whatever it takes to get comfortable with yourself so when you meet a woman you won't screw up your one chance.

I have overachieved big time when it comes to dating. I am not attractive, confident or anything like that. I just simply got lucky enough a few times. I feel like it's over for me I can't see how I'll possibly meet a woman again. My ex was as patient as they come and I still couldn't make it work. No way in hell will women my age put up with my kind of personality. 

There is nothing good about me. I the perfect shallow person in that on the surface I seem like a decent enough guy but once start to be around for more than 5 minutes they see there's nothing to me I'm just a boring mess.


----------



## Darktower776

Jesuszilla said:


> Warning to men here please do whatever it takes to get comfortable with yourself so when you meet a woman you won't screw up your one chance.
> 
> I have overachieved big time when it comes to dating. I am not attractive, confident or anything like that. I just simply got lucky enough a few times. I feel like it's over for me I can't see how I'll possibly meet a woman again. My ex was as patient as they come and I still couldn't make it work. No way in hell will women my age put up with my kind of personality.
> 
> There is nothing good about me. I the perfect shallow person in that on the surface I seem like a decent enough guy but once start to be around for more than 5 minutes they see there's nothing to me I'm just a boring mess.


I'm sorry things didn't work out with your GF, man. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it hurts but you just weren't ready or in the right state of mind yet. Keep working toward getting there. You can still find happiness with someone and she won't be your last GF if you keep working on things.

She obviously liked many things about you. There are some positives there so don't forget that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Darktower776 said:


> I'm sorry things didn't work out with your GF, man. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it hurts but you just weren't ready or in the right state of mind yet. Keep working toward getting there. You can still find happiness with someone and she won't be your last GF if you keep working on things.
> 
> She obviously liked many things about you. There are some positives there so don't forget that.


Thanks, I just feel like my issues with SA, depressionand low self-esteem really showed the real me. I thought it was possible to work on myself for it to not interfere with the relationship and I was dead wrong. It hurts because I wasn't screwed over.

On the surface she's the kind of person people on this site would hate: extrovert, lots of friends, lots of accomplishment and if you didn't know her you'd think her life was easy...but she was more than that.

She accepted for a very long time that I'm a quiet person. But after over a year and I was still having the same problems it really started to make her push away. She did so much for me. If anyone on SAS had a partner like my ex they'd be in heaven....yet I couldn't make it work.

To me that is beyond pathetic. This is why I feel like I won't be able to meet another woman any time soon. Because what grown woman as I get older will be that patient and caring? I just don't see 99% of women doing what she did for me. And even if there women like her the number is so small I think it's a miracle I ever found her to begin with.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Is it me or are attractive women EVERYWHERE!!!! Everywhere I go these days I run a number of very attractive women. It's crazy, I just came from the grocery store where I swear every other woman was just making flustered haha

I'm telling you these Texas girls are no joke :lol


----------



## SilentLyric

deleted okcupid again. for the last time. it's not the way to meet girls. going to have to figure out something else.


----------



## SilkyJay

Jesuszilla said:


> Warning to men here please do whatever it takes to get comfortable with yourself so when you meet a woman you won't screw up your one chance.
> .


This is definitely an issue of mine. And well I know this is pretty much a big reason I've not dated in a long time. I'm not comfortable with myself and it will show if I were to be in the same room with someone, let alone someone I was attracted to.

And frankly it might take them making me feel comfy which isn't exactly every girls ideal male. I'd probably require a solid backrub to get 50% of my body to function properly.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Yeah man low self-esteem is a killer. What scares me is that I probably have years to go in terms of recovery. My fear is being like 35 still an anxious mess. While I think depression and anxiety can be managed enough to have a fairly comfortable life, I do know it takes a VERY long time to work on the issues.



Yajyklis10 said:


> This is definitely an issue of mine. And well I know this is pretty much a big reason I've not dated in a long time. I'm not comfortable with myself and it will show if I were to be in the same room with someone, let alone someone I was attracted to.
> 
> And frankly it might take them making me feel comfy which isn't exactly every girls ideal male. *I'd probably require a solid backrub to get 50% of my body to function properly*.


What do you mean by that?


----------



## SilkyJay

Jesuszilla said:


> Yeah man low self-esteem is a killer. What scares me is that I probably have years to go in terms of recovery. My fear is being like 35 still an anxious mess. While I think depression and anxiety can be managed enough to have a fairly comfortable life, I do know it takes a VERY long time to work on the issues.
> 
> What do you mean by that?


since you asked. My mind was thinking straight towards my sexual functionality, but really my hands, wordage, and overall feeling of comfort in any intimate situation, as it's would be like speaking a foreign language for me now. I might have been exaggerating a bit, but that's not to say that I still wouldn't really like a good back rub to open me up. I swear I should've been a girl.

What I'm doing to get a girl: Work,, going in for the first day tomorrow, even though I pee'd dirty. They didn't call me to say not to come, but only to let me know it's the 28th, not the 21st, training starts. and the company that stated I came up positive for pot said the company now takes the next step in action. so um I'm going. I'm probably going to eat like 2 clonzepams for breakfast.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Today is my ex birthday. I decided to be nice and wish her a happy birthday and we got some talking and she went to Vegas for her birthday and the time of her life Hangout style (not literally like Hangover) but in one weekend she did more than I ever did. But then again she always does fun stuff.

It me that I and F***ED! I am f***ed badly. She was my one shot at a really awesome relationship and I screwed it up. Not only did I screw it up there are zero women my age that will want to put up with a man like me. By that I mean how much depression and gets in my way even at this age. How naturally quiet I am and things like that.

My ex is truly amazing. She really is the things she's done to get where she is at makes her such a fantastic and driven person. I really did feel inferior to her. And now it's over. At 25 women my age have degrees, careers, starting to get their own places, starting to think towards marriage and so on. Me I'm still in school, looking for work again, not even close to getting married and still with my mom.

The journey is long and it's so long I think I'll end up alone. That all this work on my issues will overall be for nothing when women my age as I get older become unavailable and I look back on life with nothing but regret. Meanwhile my ex gets to celebrate her birthday having the tiem of her life in Vegas.


----------



## Kilgore Trout

I'm waiting


----------



## Rex87

Nothing anymore as I have her now. We're in the beginning phase of dating so it really still can go anywhere but hopefully it works, she's a amazing woman. What I did to get her? I got her on online dating. I was on Okcupid since May, deleted it in June. Then I got a POF account, after over a month of messaging I finally found her. Couple days of messaging her on there then I asked her for her kik or number, she gave me her number. We texted good bit and talked on the phone, and it just continued to grow. By like week 3 we were texting all day, skyping(which I never done before) every night. Met her in person a couple weekends ago...went well, could of went better but oh well, **** I have sa...it sucks. Hung out with her this last weekend too. And that's it....just have to continue to grow what we have


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> Nothing anymore as I have her now. We're in the beginning phase of dating so it really still can go anywhere but hopefully it works, she's a amazing woman. What I did to get her? I got her on online dating. I was on Okcupid since May, deleted it in June. Then I got a POF account, after over a month of messaging I finally found her. Couple days of messaging her on there then I asked her for her kik or number, she gave me her number. We texted good bit and talked on the phone, and it just continued to grow. By like week 3 we were texting all day, skyping(which I never done before) every night. Met her in person a couple weekends ago...went well, could of went better but oh well, **** I have sa...it sucks. Hung out with her this last weekend too. And that's it....just have to continue to grow what we have


Congrats man, hope it continues to work out for you guys.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

I was trying tinder, but now I feel like, why bother. If a woman asks me out I'll go, otherwise I just can't do it.


----------



## Orbiter

That's like trying to get into orbit with the propulsion of a fire extinguisher.


----------



## BurntPizza

I'm doing nothing. Girls don't even want me, for whatever reason. I constantly get rejected. I'm undatable and I probably should just die. I'm 23 damn years old and don't even know how it feels like to touch a girl.

I try to approach a girl from time to time, but I know what the outcome will always be: rejection. Always, every damn time!


----------



## BurntPizza

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I was trying tinder, but now I feel like, why bother. If a woman asks me out I'll go, otherwise I just can't do it.


You're lucky if women ask you out. Do they really ask you out!? They don't even want me...


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Oh good, this thread got fixed. ^no they don't ask me out, but I'm not going to ask them either. We'll just have a stand off to see who breaks first.


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> Congrats man, hope it continues to work out for you guys.


Thanks man


----------



## xxDark Horse

Playing Runescape while on the toilet. Getting up to go to the bathroom is xp waste.


----------



## Imbored21

Being available. If a girl chooses to ask me out, I will be sure to make time for it even if it means I have to miss school or something. I am willing to make sacrifices.


----------



## sociallydiseased

Well, the girl I like slept with my buddy last night. So, there's that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

sociallydiseased said:


> Well, the girl I like slept with my buddy last night. So, there's that.


Ouchhhh been there man. Are there any other women you may be interested in where you live?

Sometimes I think we should do what other guys do and keep options open because when things don't work out with the girl you like it'll hurt...

Anyway, there are other women as cliche as is sounds its very true


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm thinking of going out alone again tomorrow maybe try to talk to girls this time around...we'll see.


----------



## sociallydiseased

Jesuszilla said:


> Ouchhhh been there man. Are there any other women you may be interested in where you live?
> 
> Sometimes I think we should do what other guys do and keep options open because when things don't work out with the girl you like it'll hurt...
> 
> Anyway, there are other women as cliche as is sounds its very true


Well, I just got back from deployment as my little blip says under my picture. So, no not really. And I don't know if she is aware yet that I already know what happened between the two of them. She wants to hang out and drink tonight. Blah.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm thinking of going out alone again tomorrow maybe try to talk to girls this time around...we'll see.


Yeah not gonna happen. I'm staying in


----------



## SilkyJay

Jesuszilla said:


> Yeah not gonna happen. I'm staying in


I wish I had someone to go out with tonight or any night for that matter. It takes some serious liquid courage to go out solo for me.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Yajyklis10 said:


> I wish I had someone to go out with tonight or any night for that matter. It takes some serious liquid courage to go out solo for me.


So do I. It's much easier and more fun to go out with someone. But I made due with the situation I'm in. I lack friends or family to go out with so I tend to try and do things on my own and do my best.

If you look at my "success rate" you'd think I was crazy for doing things on my own...but hey trying is better than nothing.


----------



## SilkyJay

Jesuszilla said:


> So do I. It's much easier and more fun to go out with someone. But I made due with the situation I'm in. I lack friends or family to go out with so I tend to try and do things on my own and do my best.
> 
> If you look at my "success rate" you'd think I was crazy for doing things on my own...but hey trying is better than nothing.


same here I'm not great on my own either in terms of production. And well being on your own and settling for nothing, well yeilds nothing. It's been over a year since I went out alone, but surprisingly some of those nights were the most interesting as I met people that I have never spoke too and about things I've never been able to with friends. It's liberating to finally say **** it a few times and totally get out of your shell, even if it's just going to a bar alone.

I have a bar right next door to my apartment complex, in which I've been too scared in recent months, and well broke to go too. It's kind of a biker bar, but maybe my dream girl is in there? Probably not my mind says.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I too used to live by a bar when my brother and I lived together. I rarely went tho. Last Friday I went alone and had a nice experience. I barely spoke to anyone but I still had a good time


----------



## Imbored21

sociallydiseased said:


> Well, the girl I like slept with my buddy last night. So, there's that.


That doesn't mean you can't sleep with her too


----------



## That Random Guy

*Well...*

I'm planning on sending a love letter-anonymously.

Regards,

T.R.G.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I've been having spells of sadness that I ruined my once chance at happiness. I think of everything women want and everything I can't provide and I struggle to be hopeful about the future.


----------



## My Hearse

Nothing at all.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Realistically, I wonder how hopeless is it for me. I think about all the work I've done and "how far" I've come yet I'm still an anxious, depressing mess of a "man"...

Someone posted a link about how there are more unmarried men than women and qualities single women want in a man and I feel like I just don't stack up. Also my personality is a big issue.

I think that at best women will see me as a friend but how many women out there will actually want a relationship with me no matter how hard I try? Because I honestly sometimes feel like me trying is futile for the most part.

For the record I don't want anyone here to think they shouldn't try because I really and truly believe that if you guys did you'd have that loving relationship you want. (Assuming you want a relationship) but me??? Should I prepare for a life of loneliness? I don't know I'll keep trying but if I'm 30 and still this way maybe that would be a sign to hang it up and join the forever lonely club


----------



## Cam1

Working on being less private. I'm getting to know someone pretty well but I feel like I know a lot more about her than she knows about me because I reveal very little about myself. It's so hard for me to be open with people, but she is the kind of person who I could tell really embarrassing **** to and not fear judgment, and instead just laugh about it. We're very similar so I'm not too worried about it, just a matter of bringing myself to form coherent sentences when conversing with her about myself. I did well this weekend, I just need to improve on it later this week. 

We are going to a Chinese place after class Wednesday night, as friends. I'm hoping it goes well. It's been years since I've gone out and done something with another person around my age.


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

It's over for me. I am literally dead inside when it comes to friends, a girlfriend or anything with emotions. All I feel anymore is an overwhelming sensation of anxiety when talking with women, I give up. To add to it I am pretty sure I have crossed the line into creeper status. So That is indeed the nail in the coffin as they say.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Just thinking back on the difficulty of approaching women and the "pride" I felt even though I was getting rejected. Because in my mind I was accomplishing some big feat when in reality I am just some creepy quiet dude who came out of hiding to bother a cute girl.

The fact I lack that gripping personality a lot of guys have makes me quite undesirable even to the quiet girls. Think about it. I need to work up the courage to talk to her so I awkwardly keep looking at her, awkwardly smile or wave all the while she's wondering why some freak keeps looking at her.

Then I get brave say "screw it, I'm gonna talk to her say anything" and as I walk towards thinking I'm the man doing something big her defenses go up. Oh no that guy is coming over here. I start some meaningless conversation to break the ice but I'm stuttering or I'm talking very low. The girl who can barely hear has the most forced look on her face and shakes her head not actually answering my questions...

But that's okay because I'm riding on a high. Ego is in full effect thinking she's into me then I go for it...as for her number and she has a boyfriend. Of course she does :/

I walk away defeated but think it's not the end of the world at least I said something. Then it hit me...oh no I'm not attractive. 

See even if a girl turn down an attractive guy she'll still be flattered because people think the level of attraction a person has in them means they are that attractive. So when an ugly man beast like myself tries to hit on her I just ruined her day because now she's wondering if she's really that ugly that a creatine like me would dare ask her out. So then I ruined 2 days: hers and mine.

So soon after ruining her day I get interested in a new girl and start the cycle of my rejection and ruining their day all over again. 

It's a shame I'm the person I am because I'm such a lousy "man" that no girl can possibly truly like me.


----------



## Jesuszilla

A big reason I think I'll be alone for a long time is that it requires A LOT of energy to date, meet people and talk to girls. Energy I don't have. I think the reason extroverts succeed with women is that they are energized by the social interaction. It fuels then, it's why flirting is so natural to them. It's how they're wired.

Me I'm about as introverted as they come. I am bothered by too much social interaction and most women need it. There sheer willpower it takes to get out there sometime doesn't feel worth the effort. Since no woman will be coming to me, I know eventually I'll have to put on my big boy pants and go out there no matter how much I dread it. But my issue is socializing bores me. If you want to bore me to death send me to a party or club atmosphere and watch me try to silently escape like Solid Snake.


----------



## APrisonerOfTheMind

I don't know. I am trying, I fluctuate between wanting to be with someone and not. I am not picky at all, and I would date a women not based on looks but how she is on the inside. Yet It still seems like women are not interested in me. So I don't know anymore.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I just remembered another big red flag about me: I'm incredibly boring...what makes it worse is that I'm often fine with being my boring self.

Boring is the ultimate killer for women. It's one thing to be a fun person hidden under anxiety or shyness but it's completely different when you turn off women because you're a bore.

Women really want someone they can have fun with and me and fun don't seem to mix. 

Here are my flaws:
Unattractive 
Boring
Extremely quiet
Have no money
Not the most aggressive person
Scared to open up
Don't know how to turn a woman on sexually 
Seem to always manage to screw things up
Unattractive 

Some pros:
Open minded or try to be
Loyal

I think that's it.

And I haven't even named all my flaws by the way


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Probably go to heaven and find her there. She waiting for me.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I saw a beautiful girl today and felt bad because I knew there's no chance for me. And then I'm not even close to being over my ex as well. I just hate being lonely again. No one to talk to or do anything with. 

Don't go through a break up fellas, it'll ruin everything for you. Unless the break up wasn't your fault. But if you ruin things with a good women, who are hard to find...you'll live a life of regret.

Hell I even get mini panic attacks when I think about what I lost in her.


----------



## My Hearse

I actually met a woman yesterday in the park and we had small talk about exercise and what not. She is really attractive, I wonder how I even managed to approach her. I was able to get her name.. After she asked for mines lol.. I tried to make the conversation not awkward at all. I may meet her today again at the park.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Elliot Alderson said:


> I actually met a woman yesterday in the park and we had small talk about exercise and what not. She is really attractive, I wonder how I even managed to approach her. I was able to get her name.. After she asked for mines lol.. I tried to make the conversation not awkward at all. I may meet her today again at the park.


That's awesome man. You can build on that. And having exercise as a common interest is a great start.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Exacerbate

I just though if an ingenious idea for approaching a woman, you walk up and say "Hey names _____, how's your day been going_____ It popped into my head that I'd really like to get to know you, you mind giving me your number so I can maybe hang out with you if you're free" 

Screw mind games if you're just starting out, you know what you want go for it, normal people wouldn't punish. You with such a sincere approach.


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> That's awesome man. You can build on that. And having exercise as a common interest is a great start.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I guess. She is way ahead of me in life and I don't think I should try to pursue anything romantic at all. I'll just see where things may lead.. It would be hilarious if I end up not talking to her the next time.


----------



## Akuba

Every Tuesday evening, I attend a program that teaches me (and a few other guys) some dating/flirting and social skills.

I hope that will be of benefit to me. There's gotta be someone for everyone.


----------



## My Hearse

Well.. Just came home and decided to update what happened with my interaction today seeing as I just left the park.

I met her and we greeted each other and I showed her a place in the park with exercising equipment. She decided to try the bench for crunches and I was there looking at her. Well I suppose that was a bad idea as she gave me this look as if I'm a weirdo (Why are you staring at me? Kind of expression) So, I awkwardly laughed it off and decided to do some exercises on my own and after that she was talking to some person on her cell phone and then she told me goodnight. 

I'm not going to go through this another time lol. The only reason why I even approached this woman was because a guy who I spot sometimes in the gym told me she kept looking at me (I'm pretty oblivious to women since I avoid them and people in general) and kept nagging me to talk to her. 

Well, I did talk to her (I still don't know how I managed that) and I will officially now say it's over.


----------



## My Hearse

APrisonerOfTheMind said:


> It's over for me. I am literally dead inside when it comes to friends, a girlfriend or anything with emotions. All I feel anymore is an overwhelming sensation of anxiety when talking with women, *I give up. To add to it I am pretty sure I have crossed the line into creeper status. So That is indeed the nail in the coffin as they say*.


Truer words have never been said.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Elliot you're giving up too quick man. It's only your 2nd interaction. Don't go to the extreme of being a creeper.

One thing I learned is that SA and depression makes you think the worst when often times it's just in your head. Talk to her again next time you see her. Even if it's just for a few minutes before your workout


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> Elliot you're giving up too quick man. It's only your 2nd interaction. Don't go to the extreme of being a creeper.
> 
> One thing I learned is that SA and depression makes you think the worst when often times it's just in your head. Talk to her again next time you see her. Even if it's just for a few minutes before your workout


I am a creeper, I was staring at her lol. She is really attractive and she's 5 feet tall. She's curvy and has everything in her little frame. I felt like picking her up and holding her in my arms like superman lol. I have never been close or even have spoken to a attractive woman before, I can care less anymore if I ever get the chance again. I have nothing to offer anyone but I have everything to bring them down.

I actually only see her when the park is about to close anyway. As she has a job and gets off around the time to make it to the park for about a half an hour or shorter.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Elliot Alderson said:


> I am a creeper, I was staring at her lol. She is really attractive and she's 5 feet tall. She's curvy and has everything in her little frame. I felt like picking her up and holding her in my arms like superman lol. I have never been close or even have spoken to a attractive woman before, I can care less anymore if I ever get the chance again. I have nothing to offer anyone but I have everything to bring them down.
> 
> I actually only see her when the park is about to close anyway. As she has a job and gets off around the time to make it to the park for about a half an hour or shorter.


Staring isn't the end of the world. You're being way to hard on yourself too soon. Also she's attractive so staring will happen.


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> Staring isn't the end of the world. You're being way to hard on yourself too soon. Also she's attractive so staring will happen.


I guess.


----------



## Shawn81

I'm just barely trying to find people to talk to online for the first time in years. And I'm not doing too well at that. So not much. Women my age with my interests and similar personalities aren't very abundant.


----------



## Farideh

Bar hopping with friends. That's one way to meet a lot of women.


----------



## GeomTech

Bah! I could never get girls or let alone initiate a conversation. It's kind of an unsavory mixture or apathy, extreme fear and laziness on my part. I was going to do this, but I quit. Seems too hard and scary.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Farideh said:


> Bar hopping with friends. That's one way to meet a lot of women.


How does bar hopping with friends work?


----------



## Jesuszilla

GeomTech said:


> Bah! I could never get girls or let alone initiate a conversation. It's kind of an unsavory mixture or apathy, extreme fear and laziness on my part. I was going to do this, but I quit. Seems too hard and scary.


It's not easy but I think it's worth trying


----------



## Jesuszilla

Hey guys I don't know if this post will help you but I personally find this kinda encouraging and that is often rejection isn't about us it's about her.

We can't spend time wondering why a girl doesn't like us. We should just move on because chances are there is nothing we did *she's just not into us* and that's okay.

Rejection doesn't always mean we're ugly, creepy or losers. I'd honestly say most of the time it's just that particular girl doesn't feel the same way we do. There's nothing we can do but move on.

This is why I'm all for pushing yourself to ask a girl or make a move. Because although rejection is very hard to deal with, I still think it's always a great exposure to know that rejection _*isn't*_ the worst thing in the world and it's something we can eventually get over.

Good luck on finding that girl men of SAS as always I'm pulling for you.


----------



## ravens

Nothing. I don't think I have much to offer anybody.


----------



## srschirm

Jesuszilla said:


> Hey guys I don't know if this post will help you but I personally find this kinda encouraging and that is often rejection isn't about us it's about her.
> 
> We can't spend time wondering why a girl doesn't like us. We should just move on because chances are there is nothing we did *she's just not into us* and that's okay.
> 
> Rejection doesn't always mean we're ugly, creepy or losers. I'd honestly say most of the time it's just that particular girl doesn't feel the same way we do. There's nothing we can do but move on.
> 
> This is why I'm all for pushing yourself to ask a girl or make a move. Because although rejection is very hard to deal with, I still think it's always a great exposure to know that rejection _*isn't*_ the worst thing in the world and it's something we can eventually get over.
> 
> Good luck on finding that girl men of SAS as always I'm pulling for you.


I completely agree, great post.


----------



## Farideh

Jesuszilla said:


> How does bar hopping with friends work?


 You already have alcohol in your system. You're relaxed and your anxiety is gone for now. Bars get crowded and everyone talks to each other from what I've seen. Staying at one bar won't give you the opportunity to meet as many women as going to a few more of them. Friend can be your wingman. No shame in having one of those especially if you haven't dated in a while. Women are not as stuck up as a lot of people say they are.


----------



## Jesuszilla

srschirm said:


> I completely agree, great post.


Thanks. Just giving some hope out there because the rejection will happen to us on our journey



Farideh said:


> You already have alcohol in your system. You're relaxed and your anxiety is gone for now. Bars get crowded and everyone talks to each other from what I've seen. Staying at one bar won't give you the opportunity to meet as many women as going to a few more of them. Friend can be your wingman. No shame in having one of those especially if you haven't dated in a while. Women are not as stuck up as a lot of people say they are.


I hope you have fun...that sounds like I would be paralyzed with anxiety. I'm not really a drinker but the few times I do, I do not feel more relaxed with alcohol in my system.


----------



## DistraughtOwl

Sitting by my laptop watching video game streams. Come at me already ladies.


----------



## My Hearse

I did nothing today, I have resumed my original schedule of solitude.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I just got back from the getting a hair cut and right next to the barber is a store. So an attractive girl got hit on right in front of me by some guy who approached her saying: 

Guy: "damn you fine, let me hit that" and she went off on him she said
Her: "that's not how you talk to me" 
Guy: "why you so mad, damn ***** I'm just trying to talk to you"
Her: "You don't talk to me like that"

Then I went in to get my hair cut before hearing the rest of the argument.

Moral of the story fellas: if you approach a girl approach her right. I didn't think it needed to be said but I see how men are making it hard for us by acting like they are spitting game when really they just come off rude and disrespectful.


----------



## Jesuszilla

So one piece of advice I'm always hearing is to be friends first so I must ask: has that ever actually worked for anyone? 

Any date I ever got was from making it clear that I was into the girl and the times I did try to be friends first didn't work out at all. To me not showing your intentions from the beginning is only going to lead tó rejection down the line. Especially if she sees you as a friend or brother. And then you get all those guys talking about friend zone this, friend zone that...

I understand why it's different for women since men don't get approached the few times they do, they almost can't say no due to it being a once in a lifetime opportunity. So a girl being his friend first then asking makes total sense, but it makes zero sense for a guy to wait around. 

Imagine liking a girl and she's talking about all these other guys she find cute or hot are you really going to ask her out? No you're gonna feel like those are the guys she wants so you're either not gonna make a move, do so when it's too late, or come off desperate.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I just had my first kiss half an hour ago :surprise: 

000 

and i have been going out with the girl for a year now. lol

I'm feeling ecstatic!!!!!!


----------



## Jesuszilla

photorealisticotakuman said:


> I just had my first kiss half an hour ago :surprise:
> 
> 000
> 
> and i have been going out with the girl for a year now. lol
> 
> I'm feeling ecstatic!!!!!!


Congrats man. You guys must be the most patient couple ever lol I'm super happy for you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orbiter

Jesuszilla said:


> I just got back from the getting a hair cut and right next to the barber is a store. So an attractive girl got hit on right in front of me by some guy who approached her saying:
> 
> Guy: "damn you fine, let me hit that" and she went off on him she said
> Her: "that's not how you talk to me"
> Guy: "why you so mad, damn ***** I'm just trying to talk to you"
> Her: "You don't talk to me like that"
> 
> Then I went in to get my hair cut before hearing the rest of the argument.
> 
> Moral of the story fellas: if you approach a girl approach her right. I didn't think it needed to be said but I see how men are making it hard for us by acting like they are spitting game when really they just come off rude and disrespectful.


No, it definately didn't need to be said.
We suck at flirting but we aren't stupid.
Though, considering that guy pulled that off so confidently, he probably tried it before and it worked.
I wouldn't wanna meet the girl that liked *that*. lol


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Jesuszilla said:


> Congrats man. You guys must be the most patient couple ever lol I'm super happy for you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


haha we were just too shy to do anything. But with patience, it finally happened.  Thanks man.


----------



## SouthWest

I intend to ask a girl out who seems interested in me on PoF. If she says no then at least I asked her, which is personally a major thing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Orbiter said:


> No, it definately didn't need to be said.
> We suck at flirting but we aren't stupid.
> Though, considering that guy pulled that off so confidently, he probably tried it before and it worked.
> I wouldn't wanna meet the girl that liked *that*. lol


True but still hopefully no one ever thinks it's a good idea. That probably only works in a club I can't ever see that working in any other setting.



photorealisticotakuman said:


> haha we were just too shy to do anything. But with patience, it finally happened.  Thanks man.


That's awesome. If you don't mind me asking: How did you guys meet?



SouthWest said:


> I intend to ask a girl out who seems interested in me on PoF. If she says no then at least I asked her, which is personally a major thing.


How did it go?


----------



## Jesuszilla

It's a real shame my ex wants nothing to do with me to the point that we both deleted everything because I'd go back with her in a heartbeat. I'm not exactly a ladies man by any stretch of the imagination and I really don't see how it's possible for me to find anyone else. 

I'm putting all my energy into getting over her before I try to date again but it isn't easy. I messed up with a great woman and forgiving myself for it isn't easy.

I still get depressed seeing things that remind me of her to the point that it can ruin my day


----------



## anomnomnom

Well I'm working over time a lot for not really much money..then I'm spending my free time hiding at home on youtube or in bed trying to recover.

I just can't understand why I'm not swimming in offers!

Honestly though, I think I need to do..something, but as I can't handle rejection its probably unlikely to ever manifest into more than a thought.


----------



## ravens

I guess hardly ever going out anywhere it's no surprise to never have had a girlfriend.


----------



## My Hearse

anomnomnom said:


> Well I'm working over time a lot for not really much money..then I'm spending my free time hiding at home on youtube or in bed trying to recover.
> 
> I just can't understand why I'm not swimming in offers!
> 
> Honestly though, I think I need to do..something, but as I can't handle rejection its probably unlikely to ever manifest into more than a thought.


At least you have a job.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Everywhere I go I see at least 1 attractive women. They are everywhere!


----------



## pacasio1

Jesuszilla said:


> Everywhere I go I see at least 1 attractive women. They are everywhere!


I see this too, my problem is that 98.8% of women I see I find attractive, and I can't approach any of them


----------



## pacasio1

What happened to rymo? Haven't seen any post from him in a long time


----------



## SilentLyric

Jesuszilla said:


> Everywhere I go I see at least 1 attractive women. They are everywhere!


lol, so true. :laugh: if only I could get into relationships with some of them or at least hang out with them...


----------



## IcedOver

I can't sustain any conversations with women, whether it's online or on the phone. They quit communicating. It's withering. I don't know what if anything I'm doing wrong, and it's eating away at me. If I have a fun conversation going on, it just stops. I know that I'm looking for something that's hard to find, but still. 

For instance, I had a good conversation going last year with a woman via e-mail, text and a couple phone calls. It looked like it was promising for something to happen, then she flaked. I tried to reestablish connections via e-mail a couple times since, to no response . . . until a few weeks ago when she replied and said that she was sorry for blowing me off, and she'd be willing at least to talk. It hasn't worked out for us to talk on the phone (whether because she actually is busy or because she has cold feet). She even said to me "I want to talk with you" when she's not busy, but nothing yet. Today she texted me and said that it would be better if we start out texting. This was at 11:30 a.m. I replied a half hour later, and nothing in the 7+ hours since. I don't get it!!!


----------



## Shawn81

Saving for a hooker.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Twerking


----------



## Elifas

What am I doing to get a girl?
Hell, going crazy. It took two weeks for me to just send a first message and I totally don't know what to do now. =(

Trying to analyse a situation, I'm coming to conclusion that we in deep sh*t now.
Look:
If a guy is poor, he can compensate this with charisma.
If a guy is ugly, he also can compensate it with charisma.
If a guy is weakling, and here he also can compensate this with charisma.
Hell, I knew a guy, who had suffered from Cerebral palsy and alcoholism, couldn't even buy flowers to a lady and he was a real womaniser, because he knew, how to do the talking.

But if a guy lucks charisma it can't be compensated.
So let's be honest to ourselves, we're BORING. And that is our doom.

So, now, after the first wonderful conversation with a girl I like, I don't know what to do next. She is as shy as me, but it doesn't help. What to write, how not to be awkward and creepy, when to write her, when it is too many attention and when is too little? And no one can help me to get this answers. That's all is just one big Black Hole.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> Saving for a hooker.


You better pray she has teeth and no STD.


----------



## KangalLover

Shawn81 said:


> Saving for a hooker.


Basically this :grin2:

And a advice for virgins : 
I had a gf for six month, we had sex for about 30 times. 
IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING!!!!
after getting a gf you will be still the same shy and awkward guy that you were before.


----------



## My Hearse

kimsungbabak said:


> Basically this :grin2:
> 
> And a advice for virgins :
> I had a gf for six month, we had sex for about 30 times.
> *IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING!!!!
> after getting a gf you will be still the same shy and awkward guy that you were before*.


Thank you!! I'm a virgin myself but I already figured this out lol.. It's just the hunger and thirst these guys have that think having sex will change their personality and magically make them normal and cure their social anxiety lol. No girl and her vagina is going to cure anything. You have to cure yourself, focus on you! No one else.


----------



## Shawn81

Elliot Alderson said:


> You better pray she has teeth and no STD.


Teeth don't have to be that big of a deal.


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> Everywhere I go I see at least 1 attractive women. They are everywhere!


When I'm out and see an attractive women I'll think she's cute. Then think well I would never approach. Well definitely wouldn't approach a stranger, online now that's different.


----------



## Shawn81

ravens said:


> When I'm out and see an attractive women I'll think she's cute. Then think well I would never approach. Well definitely wouldn't approach a stranger, online now that's different.


Exactly this, except I don't have the confidence to approach her online either.


----------



## ravens

Shawn81 said:


> Exactly this, except I don't have the confidence to approach her online either.


Well I wouldn't go on any online dating sites as I know that would be worthless to try.


----------



## Shawn81

ravens said:


> Well I wouldn't go on any online dating sites as I know that would be worthless to try.


I tried one about three months ago. One view (a bot), no messages in that time.


----------



## ravens

Shawn81 said:


> I tried one about three months ago. One view (a bot), no messages in that time.


I figure that I wouldn't get any messages so that's why I would never try.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm always so happy when people on SAS find someone because I know how hard it is find a good relationship or relationship in general. 

I hate to say it but being so heavily affected by anxiety makes things so hard that I'm terrified to try dating again. I think of my issues, I think of my ex and how she had to miss out so much because my issues got in the way and I can't do that to another woman. See I've been working hard in myself and I always will but if my mom is correct then I know for a fact depression is genetic is the men in my family. So if I get another relationship that means anot her possible amazing woman will have to deal with my depressive episodes and it scares me s***less to put anyone through that again. 

When I was scared to ask girls I always justified my passiveness as me doing them a favor. Well that's how I feel when I see a girl I like now. I wouldn't want her to develop feelings for me since I'm such an awful person.

See I hope for the best for everyone here. But after having a great girl and screwing that up, I don't see how it's possible for me to meet anyone again and if I do how would I prevent myself from the lows anxiety and depression brings me.


----------



## Shawn81

ravens said:


> I figure that I wouldn't get any messages so that's why I would never try.


Try it. It could be fine. I can already tell when I'm describing myself and my interests that there's pretty much zero chance of attracting anyone. I don't want kids or careers or any of the other stuff someone my age is supposed to want. I wouldn't want to know more about me either. But that's just me. You might have a lot in common with someone. It's worth a try. There's nothing lose.


----------



## Jesuszilla

pacasio1 said:


> I see this too, my problem is that 98.8% of women I see I find attractive, and I can't approach any of them





SilentLyric said:


> lol, so true. :laugh: if only I could get into relationships with some of them or at least hang out with them...





ravens said:


> When I'm out and see an attractive women I'll think she's cute. Then think well I would never approach. Well definitely wouldn't approach a stranger, online now that's different.


I feel like we should start some kind of gang :lol


----------



## Grog

Crusing around in a white van offering free lollies , hugs and puppies .

Shouldn't be long now . 

Lol


----------



## Jesuszilla

Grog said:


> Crusing around in a white van offering free lollies , hugs and puppies .
> 
> Shouldn't be long now .
> 
> Lol


Are you trying to pick up women or kids? Lol


----------



## Grog

Jesuszilla said:


> Are you trying to pick up women or kids? Lol


It said girls . Not women or kids 
Just girls and to me girls aren't women yet

Any way it's all just jokes

I really just hang outside the restrooms and try some pick up lines . That way they can't blow me off with some lame excuse like they need to go to the bathroom because I know they have just been

LOL


----------



## Jesuszilla

Grog said:


> It said girls . Not women or kids
> Just girls and to me girls aren't women yet
> 
> Any way it's all just jokes
> 
> I really just hang outside the restrooms and try some pick up lines . That way they can't blow me off with some lame excuse like they need to go to the bathroom because I know they have just been
> 
> LOL


Yeah I knew you were joking I was just playing along

Lmao nice for thinking ahead. Let me know how that works I'm always down for new ways to a proactive the opposite sex


----------



## Grog

Jesuszilla said:


> Yeah I knew you were joking I was just playing along
> 
> Lmao nice for thinking ahead. Let me know how that works I'm always down for new ways to a proactive the opposite sex


Well another way is to hang outside the bikini change rooms with a sign that says free honest opinions just ask . 
Get them to approach you :wink2: and show you their stuff :grin2: 
>>>

My ideas although may seem brilliant never work :frown2:


----------



## Jesuszilla

Grog said:


> Well another way is to hang outside the bikini change rooms with a sign that says free honest opinions just ask .
> Get them to approach you :wink2: and show you their stuff :grin2:
> >>>
> 
> My ideas although may seem brilliant never work :frown2:


Aw yes the old change room approach.

"Hey babarella, that's a pretty, incy, weenie, teenie, yellow polka dot bikini you got going on there. Wanna do the monkey with me?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Hmmph I don't know what I can do about chasing girls or finding girls to chase anymore. I've been too low energy to do anything about the girl I liked for the past year. Got the news my mom was dying last December (she died in June), and it drained the crap out of me to the point where I had no confidence, avoided group situations at all cost and didn't dare to initiate conversations with people or tell them what I was going through due to the nature of my mom's death. 

Now I'm slowly picking my life back up and taking care of my appearance, being more social, taking more classes, but it seems to be too little too late. Almost all of the friends I've made over the past two years turned into acquaintances (her included), while people will say hi when I pass them on the street, I hardly ever get asked to go out/meet up and I never have anyone trying to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm up to. I start a few chat conversations now and then, people will talk back (usually with some delay) but noone ever initiates the chat themselves. When I do hang out with people it starts out okay I'll make a few jokes have a few beers, and eventually everyone's in conversation with someone else.

I don't feel comfortable trying to make new friends at my classes (I'm doing a masters, most of my "friends" are still bachelor students) where almost everyone is new to me. And I don't feel like I'm at a point where i'm emotionally stable enough to deal with drastically changing my environment, like quitting studying and getting a job, picking a new hobby, or simply going out and approaching strangers. 

So all I'm left with is this girl that I should've asked out a year ago, but instead pushed away little by little and ny now she's seemed to have dropped most interest if there ever was any. The 10-30 minutes a week I talk to her usually make me feel great, but the 4-10 hours a week that I'm looking at a screen wishing she'd come talk to me make me feel so much worse.

She knows my mom died, not how and why, and since when it's been going on, noone's really bothered to ask me. I wish I could just tell her what happened, why this situation has been so draining on me and that that would give me some sort of reset button to a year ago when I'd still consider us at least friends.. Sadly life doesn't work that way.


----------



## Jesuszilla

anyoldkindofday said:


> Hmmph I don't know what I can do about chasing girls or finding girls to chase anymore. I've been too low energy to do anything about the girl I liked for the past year. Got the news my mom was dying last December (she died in June), and it drained the crap out of me to the point where I had no confidence, avoided group situations at all cost and didn't dare to initiate conversations with people or tell them what I was going through due to the nature of my mom's death.
> 
> Now I'm slowly picking my life back up and taking care of my appearance, being more social, taking more classes, but it seems to be too little too late. Almost all of the friends I've made over the past two years turned into acquaintances (her included), while people will say hi when I pass them on the street, I hardly ever get asked to go out/meet up and I never have anyone trying to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm up to. I start a few chat conversations now and then, people will talk back (usually with some delay) but noone ever initiates the chat themselves. When I do hang out with people it starts out okay I'll make a few jokes have a few beers, and eventually everyone's in conversation with someone else.
> 
> I don't feel comfortable trying to make new friends at my classes (I'm doing a masters, most of my "friends" are still bachelor students) where almost everyone is new to me. And I don't feel like I'm at a point where i'm emotionally stable enough to deal with drastically changing my environment, like quitting studying and getting a job, picking a new hobby, or simply going out and approaching strangers.
> 
> So all I'm left with is this girl that I should've asked out a year ago, but instead pushed away little by little and ny now she's seemed to have dropped most interest if there ever was any. The 10-30 minutes a week I talk to her usually make me feel great, but the 4-10 hours a week that I'm looking at a screen wishing she'd come talk to me make me feel so much worse.
> 
> She knows my mom died, not how and why, and since when it's been going on, noone's really bothered to ask me. I wish I could just tell her what happened, why this situation has been so draining on me and that that would give me some sort of reset button to a year ago when I'd still consider us at least friends.. Sadly life doesn't work that way.


Sorry about your mom passing away. Do you think your lack of energy in making a move with this girl is due to the emotional turmoil that comes with losing your mother? It's only been since June she passed, and December since you found out she was dying...that'sa lot to deal with and dating becomes secondary in such matters


----------



## Kulbert

I don't really know how I get girls. Many of them just throw themselves at me. They think I'm this reserved, emotional person. That's not me at all, just my SAD acting. Needless to say I always screw things up. Thanks SAD. But I've never been short of female attention. Okay I'm also fairly good-looking. It seems it's pointless for me to learn how to get girls, what I need is how to keep them. Cant take anyone out. My hands never stops shaking in public. Lol. SAD makes living pretty exhausting. Well it's not funny.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Jesuszilla said:


> Sorry about your mom passing away. Do you think your lack of energy in making a move with this girl is due to the emotional turmoil that comes with losing your mother? It's only been since June she passed, and December since you found out she was dying...that'sa lot to deal with and dating becomes secondary in such matters


Well I've "known" since I was 16 or something that she'd die early in one way or another, she's been depressed practically her whole life and did a lot of smoking and mixing pills with drinking.

All things considering her death was one of the more peaceful ways to go, but knowing she'll probably die some day and knowing she'll definitely die within a specific time-span is just so different I don't think you can truly prepare for it.

But yes, the situation has been draining me a lot since december, especially since me and my mom hadn't been getting along very well since I was 14 or so. I've spent a lot of time wondering if we could've done things differently and if she'd still be here then.

Aside from that my friends have seemed to interpret me being quiet and not showing up to group events as me wanting time alone and so everyone's kept their distance unless I approach them (which I don't feel like I can)

I've put chasing this girl in 2nd or 3rd or whatever place since then, I was already having a hard time asking her out before, as I'm a massive wuss already, and this situation made me really quiet and tired probably causing me to appear very uninterested as well..

Thing is, if she'd known she'd have probably understood, but telling her afterwards what happened doesn't negate all the negative experiences of me not talking much or even being a bit mean to her at times. Besides, at the time I didn't feel like we were at the point of friendship where I could just out of nowhere drop something so personal on her. And trying to talk to her about it now feels like I'd show her how desperate and depressed I've been lately. It's a catch 22 where i'm depressed because I have no good friends or a girlfriend to share bad times and make good times with, but because i'm depressed I'm not the kind of person who seems like a worthy time-investment to befriend.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Kulbert said:


> I don't really know how I get girls. Many of them just throw themselves at me. They think I'm this reserved, emotional person. That's not me at all, just my SAD acting. Needless to say I always screw things up. Thanks SAD. But I've never been short of female attention. Okay I'm also fairly good-looking. It seems it's pointless for me to learn how to get girls, what I need is how to keep them. Cant take anyone out. My hands never stops shaking in public. Lol. SAD makes living pretty exhausting. Well it's not funny.


You have women go after you which is a major barrier many of us struggle to cross. That is one major advantage I think you should consider.

As for dates, the more you go on them easier it is to relax. Since SA gets in the way it'll take a little time to be more open and yourself but I still think it's possible.


----------



## Telliblah

hmmmm I've never actively done anything to get someone, really...

I wonder if that has anything to do with my life kinda lacking in the romantic department?


----------



## Jesuszilla

anyoldkindofday said:


> Well I've "known" since I was 16 or something that she'd die early in one way or another, she's been depressed practically her whole life and did a lot of smoking and mixing pills with drinking.
> 
> All things considering her death was one of the more peaceful ways to go, but knowing she'll probably die some day and knowing she'll definitely die within a specific time-span is just so different I don't think you can truly prepare for it.
> 
> But yes, the situation has been draining me a lot since december, especially since me and my mom hadn't been getting along very well since I was 14 or so. I've spent a lot of time wondering if we could've done things differently and if she'd still be here then.
> 
> Aside from that my friends have seemed to interpret me being quiet and not showing up to group events as me wanting time alone and so everyone's kept their distance unless I approach them (which I don't feel like I can)
> 
> I've put chasing this girl in 2nd or 3rd or whatever place since then, I was already having a hard time asking her out before, as I'm a massive wuss already, and this situation made me really quiet and tired probably causing me to appear very uninterested as well..
> 
> Thing is, if she'd known she'd have probably understood, but telling her afterwards what happened doesn't negate all the negative experiences of me not talking much or even being a bit mean to her at times. Besides, at the time I didn't feel like we were at the point of friendship where I could just out of nowhere drop something so personal on her. And trying to talk to her about it now feels like I'd show her how desperate and depressed I've been lately. It's a catch 22 where i'm depressed because I have no good friends or a girlfriend to share bad times and make good times with, but because i'm depressed I'm not the kind of person who seems like a worthy time-investment to befriend.


I don't think it's ever eash to deal with no matter how much time you've known. Is it possible to let people know that you're ready to open up more to them inviting you pleaces?

It's really up to you, dating can take your mind off things as doing things, going out, living life and being busy is great for coping with a loss.

Hell man I wish I could help you better.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Jesuszilla said:


> I don't think it's ever eash to deal with no matter how much time you've known. Is it possible to let people know that you're ready to open up more to them inviting you pleaces?
> 
> It's really up to you, dating can take your mind off things as doing things, going out, living life and being busy is great for coping with a loss.
> 
> Hell man I wish I could help you better.


I don't know, I feel like people think I have this other group of friends from way back that I can talk to and hang out with(I don't though). I only get invited to the large scale things that "everyone" gets invited to, which is clubbing or drinking which turns into clubbing eventually, and I can't deal with that, so I decline, then people don't invite me over for the other stuff cause I seem to always decline. Ah well things will slowly get better, just wish these friends understood me better, cause I might've lost quite a few by now..

Thanks for your replies though, it's nice to get a response on these thoughts every once in a while.


----------



## Jesuszilla

anyoldkindofday said:


> I don't know, I feel like people think I have this other group of friends from way back that I can talk to and hang out with(I don't though). I only get invited to the large scale things that "everyone" gets invited to, which is clubbing or drinking which turns into clubbing eventually, and I can't deal with that, so I decline, then people don't invite me over for the other stuff cause I seem to always decline. Ah well things will slowly get better, just wish these friends understood me better, cause I might've lost quite a few by now..
> 
> Thanks for your replies though, it's nice to get a response on these thoughts every once in a while.


I hope you find some understanding people to be with. It sounds like you can use it


----------



## Jesuszilla

Shy girls are so freaking cute aren't they? The way they try to cover their cute smile when you say "hi" to them. The calming voice they tend to have. I just wish I could attract one...

Just came from Walgreens where the shy girl was a cashier and it was quite the cute interaction. I didn't make a move because she's there to work not get hit on. But she was so cute and I see why guys like the shy demeanor XD


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have been seeing *a lot* of couples lately. It's definitely due to the good weather as it seems like everyone and their mama is outside.

Today however was just crazy when I saw 3 couples almost back to back while I was out. I'm starting to think fall is the season of love by the way I'm seeing people paired up.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

Jesuszilla said:


> That's awesome. If you don't mind me asking: How did you guys meet?


Hey Jesuszilla. I wrote in this thread about her a while ago, cant find it. But she is the girl that gave me my first love letter lol. Basically she was in my class 1st grade up until 7th grade. Around 2013, our mutual friends/ acquaintances kind of let me know how she still liked me, and I was in a process of finding my inner confidence, so I just felt like a loser. I had always been shy, anxious as before. Last year, after years of working on myself I bumped into her, and used every bit of confidence I could to not let her be the "one that got away". I won't lie, I couldn't let her go. So I practiced by just greeting people more, lifting weights a bit, reading many internet articles about relationship etc just to see what I could learn. I was lucky enough to bump into her a few times, so I started to make use of my time. A year later, after having many difficult days locking myself in my room, crying myself to sleep...today I am a more confident guy (still shy to kiss or even hug lol) but I am more confident now. Now we are together, and It feels like its a fairy tale ending.

: sorry for long post: basically I knew her since 1st grade. But we starting dating somewhere late last year. Only kissed this October lol. Can you imagine my shyness, I can't even get my second kiss even if I know she likes me. :no luckily she is kind of shy too lol


----------



## xxDark Horse

Well I was using Tinder but that app sucks. 

Now I just stand on the streets with a cardboard sign saying Buying Gf 10 Bucks.


----------



## Buttered Toast

Praying, still.


----------



## joshua11

I think guys should stop pursuing women and just let it happen naturally. When you pursue women you're going after what you want not what you need. Just stop trying to force it and the right girl will come.


----------



## Omgblood

Escorts in the future if/when I land a decent job.


----------



## NoDak81

joshua11 said:


> I think guys should stop pursuing women and just let it happen naturally. When you pursue women you're going after what you want not what you need. Just stop trying to force it and the right girl will come.


Absolutely. I've stopped doing the online thing and am leaving it up to fate. In the meantime, I'm enjoying being single.


----------



## My Hearse

ButteredToast said:


> Praying, still.


Lmao.


----------



## My Hearse

NoDak81 said:


> Absolutely. I've stopped doing the online thing and am leaving it up to fate. In the meantime, I'm enjoying being single.


Lol, you better enjoy being single for the rest of your life till you die then because thinking faith will bring you to a woman is not remotely sensible in this current society. Women do not and will not approach you, you will be ignored and left to rot. If you do enjoy being single and not wanting a partner then yeah your life and mind oh and wallet will be at ease.


----------



## NoDak81

Araphel said:


> Lol, you better enjoy being single for the rest of your life till you die then because thinking faith will bring you to a woman is not remotely sensible in this current society. Women do not and will not approach you, you will be ignored and left to rot. If you do enjoy being single and not wanting a partner then yeah your life and mind oh and wallet will be at ease.


Who said anything about not approaching women? I just don't do the online thing anymore.


----------



## goku23

I should be doing a lot more, joined a dating site for the first time a few months ago and have received quite a few likes and a few messages but I haven't responded except to return a compliment and to be polite.

I just visualize meeting them in person and my anxiety getting the better of me, making me look like a nervous wreck. Really puts me off meeting anyone.
plus, I don't want to meet just anyone for the sake of it. doubt I'll have much in common with "normal" people,
would rather meet a woman who is an awesome person rather than just having looks. I don't really care at all about looks.

I've talked to one person who has made me think wow, she's awesome! 
just a shame she lives in the other side of the world to me! I haven't talked anyone like her, really unique. I don't even think that I'd be anxious around her, would just be happy to meet her.

but I should be doing a lot more, nobody to blame but myself....and my anxiety!


----------



## Qolselanu

Lately I figure that actively trying to get a girlfriend while mentally ill (dysthymia in my case) is akin to trying to get a girlfriend while starving and homeless. The effort is noble, but misguided.


----------



## sajs

Sending nude pictures over the SAS chat, not working tho :con


----------



## IcedOver

I've had a good e-mail conversation going on since last night, no pics exchanged so far. At 6:34 I attached my photo because I had a bad experience in the past where I never sent a photo and was rejected when we met in person. I think it's better to send the photo early so the other person isn't filling in the blanks. It got me rejected another time. It's close to an hour later, and I'm sweating bullets. I realize I'm being "auditioned," and it's so nerve-wracking. It's probably over.


----------



## My Hearse

IcedOver said:


> I've had a good e-mail conversation going on since last night, no pics exchanged so far. At 6:34 I attached my photo because I had a bad experience in the past where I never sent a photo and was rejected when we met in person. I think it's better to send the photo early so the other person isn't filling in the blanks. It got me rejected another time. It's close to an hour later, and I'm sweating bullets. I realize I'm being "auditioned," and it's so nerve-wracking. It's probably over.


Sorry to hear that man.. in this day and age, people place appearance over personality. It's basically a deal breaker actually.. At least you tried. That's what counts..


----------



## IcedOver

Araphel said:


> Sorry to hear that man.. in this day and age, people place appearance over personality. It's basically a deal breaker actually.. At least you tried. That's what counts..


She did get back to me and the conversation at least is still on (although she hasn't replied to my last post from after 9:00 last night), but the fact that she didn't thank me for the photo or send one of her own made me over correct. I mentioned the possibility of meeting sometime soon, and while she still continued the conversation after that, she also said that she's not sure about meeting up yet because we just started talking.


----------



## AngelClare

xxDark Horse said:


> Well I was using Tinder but that app sucks.
> 
> Now I just stand on the streets with a cardboard sign saying Buying Gf 10 Bucks.


lol. That would be a cool social experiment. Just walk around with a cardboard sign saying "Girlfriend needed" and see what happens.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm in San Antonio for thanksgiving at my sister's and her best friend is fine as f***. And she greets me "hi big brother" :/ lmao. Now I feel like a creep wanting her lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gunner21

It seems like I have only two options:

Cold approaching and online dating. Both of them have sky high rejections rates.


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> It seems like I have only two options:
> 
> Cold approaching and online dating. Both of them have sky high rejections rates.


Yep.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> It seems like I have only two options:
> 
> Cold approaching and online dating. Both of them have sky high rejections rates.


Unless you have a decent social circle or your family that can hook you up, this is probably your best bet.

Online dating is better than cold approach because at least women know your intentions
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## neckbeard

I've made a female friend recently. We don't talk very often but we do hang out sometimes. I think this open doors to meet some girls.


----------



## Buttered Toast

Maybe stop looking like a serial rapist.


----------



## Findedeux

It's the small things that matter the most :grin2:



ButteredToast said:


> Maybe stop looking like a serial rapist.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have the 5 major flaws going against me that while fixable means that for the time being no woman would want me.

5. Fat: my battle with fluctuating weight is a never ending war. Ever since losing my last job and spiraling into another depression episode I gained a lot of weight. Another possible reason is that I pretty much went off prozac cold turkey due to lack of finaces. Good news is proper diet and exercising will fix this problem. It won't be easy but nothing is. 

4. Ugly: this is the hardest one to fix because it's not like I can change my face without expensive surgery. To mask my ugliness I need to wear decent clothes (remember fellas it's the man that makes the clothes), keep my head shaved since when it grows it looks beyond f***ed up with my balding head. This will help minimize my ugly a** self.

3. Low self-esteem: I've been working on this for the longest. With having a job interview coming up + doing well in school + therapy + other good things going on in my life= my self-esteem is slowly rising. It's been at rock bottom for so long that any improvement is better than no improvement. 

2. Anxiety: anxiety got in my way so much that I'm embarrassed this is still an issue. There is no reason touching a girl should cause me to be nervous, I should be a pro at making a move but sadly apparently I'm not. What hurts is that I've made great strides since my very first date but it wasn't good enough. Hopefully with more experience comes lowered anxiety and I can actually be the man I want to be instead of a p****.

1. Depression: Does it need to be said how depression makes me unattractive? This is my #1 problem because depression causes all the other problems (except being ugly) to be much worse added with it own sets of issues.

Overall my current attractiveness is a 0/10 but with a lot of work I can reach my full potential of 4/10. I'm going to be single for a long time. And honestly even with the hard work there's no guarantee any girl would like me again. Personally I don't see how it'll be possible for another girl to ever like me or love me but I'm always one to try.


----------



## monolo

Well I'm not doing anything directly to get a girl. But just working on self improvement, focussing on making new friends, and working on general sociability and confidence. Humour and wit goes a long way it seems, and I am kinda lacking in that department... have been told that I am too serious and stiff. And charm. How does one attain that?

If I ever get into a relationship, I would like one that starts from a friendship. I don't have any female friends to begin with... more like acquaintances really. They are quite the mysterious species...


----------



## knightofdespair

To be honest I'm not even sure I want one anymore. Already had one that was better than I ever hoped, anybody I find now is going to be kind of a letdown.


----------



## Shawn81

Hiding in my house, alone, where it's safe. It's not working.


----------



## My Hearse

Listening/Collecting more Black Metal albums to add to my plethora of albums I currently have. Kvlt chicks come at me.



*crickets*


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm glad to see guys who are working on myself because most of us here are weak motherf***ers. Making excuses and yet every day I see women with more balls than us. Even going as far as being able to make am move and all we sorry a** men do is make excuses.

Like you Aphotic you are a good looking guy and you make excuses instead of dealing with rejection like a man.

I'm not being hard on us men just to be mean. I'm saying that there is no place for a weak man. I've been told that my whole life and thought that it could change, but it won't. 

You can think whatever you want but people have warned me my whole life and I though it wasn't true. Well it is. So you better start doing things or don't complain when you don't get a girl. No woman wants a punk who complains. Trust me I ruined a relationship being a sorry a** punk b****.


----------



## My Hearse

Lol, seriously? 

I'm not complaining anymore dude.. I've stopped. I have no drive to pursue women. I actually called the online dating fiasco I was torturing myself with off a week ago. It's over, I quit it. I'm done.. You can basically read my thoughts on the subject on one of my threads I created.

I have dealt with rejection my good sir. And it's not something I would want to be faced with again (especially if I know why it's caused or how I can avoid it). I have finally found the perfect way to counter attack it, don't try. It's perfect! Since when I do build up the effort to try all I do get is rejection lol. 

Well I'm well aware that women don't want me friendship wise or romantically so in turn I don't want them. That's that. Good night folks.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Lol, seriously?
> 
> I'm not complaining anymore dude.. I've stopped. I have no drive to pursue women. I actually called the online dating fiasco I was torturing myself with off a week ago. It's over, I quit it. I'm done.. You can basically read my thoughts on the subject on one of my threads I created.
> 
> I have dealt with rejection my good sir. And it's not something I would want to be faced with again (especially if I know why it's caused or how I can avoid it). I have finally found the perfect way to counter attack it, don't try. It's perfect! Since when I do build up the effort to try all I do get is rejection lol.
> 
> Well I'm well aware that women don't want me friendship wise or romantically so in turn I don't want them. That's that. Good night folks.


Sorry for attacking you yesterday bro. Bad day but that is no excuse taking it out on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

Sometimes I ask girls out just to show myself I can. I've been eyeing a girl who lives across the street and decided to talk to her today and asked her out. Sure I got rejected but it's no biggie. I wasn't expecting much, just figured it never hurts to try.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pbandjam

I really want to....I do. But I can't get over the fact that a girl will ever like me. I can't ever be confident enough, successful enough, good looking enough. I am nothing more than a shell of a person. Why would any girl even like me?


----------



## Hikikomori2014

I'm conversing with a girl from work.
My goal is to get her into a gf status before being FriendZoned


----------



## Jesuszilla

pbandjam said:


> I really want to....I do. But I can't get over the fact that a girl will ever like me. I can't ever be confident enough, successful enough, good looking enough. I am nothing more than a shell of a person. Why would any girl even like me?


We all start from somewhere. If you want changes to happen you have to make them happen. It's not going to be easy, but it's definitely possible..

As for why any girl would ever like you? I ask myself that every day. I'm not sure what good qualities, if any, I even have. But you know what putting myself out there is better than never trying ever. I can at least say I tried. And sometimes that's good enough for me to push myself to try and try again.



Hikikomori2014 said:


> I'm conversing with a girl from work.
> My goal is to get her into a gf status before being FriendZoned


Good luck man. Wish I had tips for you but my past attempts of dating co-workers didn't go well for me. So sadly I don't think I'd be much help. All I can offer is support.


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> We all start from somewhere. If you want changes to happen you have to make them happen. It's not going to be easy, but it's definitely possible..
> 
> As for why any girl would ever like you? I ask myself that every day. I'm not sure what good qualities, if any, I even have. But you know what putting myself out there is better than never trying ever. I can at least say I tried. And sometimes that's good enough for me to push myself to try and try again.


Yeah trying is better than not doing anything like I've always done but I can't think of any reasons for a girl to like me.


----------



## SilentLyric

man I have no idea how relationships happen at all. I can't believe it's so natural for most people.


----------



## Cam1

****ed up, once again. Things seemed to be escalating. We were talking and hanging out a lot, and got to know each other really well. I planned on asking her out after work last night. Then, shortly after she arrived for her shift my other co-worker is like "_____ has a date" and I got this really weird feeling like I had been electrocuted or something and didn't know how to respond. After an awkward pause I think I said "nice" or something stupid like that. The previous night before we were talking until four in the morning, so it came as a surprised to me that she had plans with someone else all along.

I guess the good news is that after the other co-worker told me that (she told me as me and the girl I like were chatting - was really weird), she said that she "doesn't know why she said yes" and didn't seem to enthused. I should have still told her how I felt but I let my emotions get the better of me and ended up going really quiet and avoided talking to them for the rest of the night. Her date is tomorrow night and I can't stop thinking about it :/

I feel like I should tell her before the date, but I can't see her in person today because she has class and then goes directly to work afterwards.


----------



## My Hearse

Hiding in the library logged into SAS typing this comment. It's not working. 

Lol!!


----------



## gunner21

So, I get some views from all the messages I send, but almost no replies. I assume they like how I look, but then something on my profile stops them from responding.


----------



## M0rbid

^ your* income*....


----------



## Shawn81

I finally beat Binding of Isaac. So the ladies should be here any minute.....


----------



## Akuba

gunner21 said:


> So, I get some views from all the messages I send, but almost no replies. I assume they like how I look, but then something on my profile stops them from responding.


Happens to me a lot too, especially on Facebook and Twitter.


----------



## Shawn81

Having no personality and being the least interesting person alive. Also not working.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> Having no personality and being the least interesting person alive. Also not working.


Have you tried online dating? You may get lucky on it and It may work for you.


----------



## Shawn81

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Have you tried online dating? You may get lucky on it and It may work for you.


Every few years or so I give it a try. No luck at all. Especially lately. I made a profile about four months ago or so on one of them. As of right now, 0 messages, three views, two were obviously bots, one must have misclicked, we were exact opposites. Trying to find someone on these sites like me is hopeless.

My age has completely turned against me. The primary issue is always kids. I don't have or want kids. Most women in their 30s who are still single are looking for exactly that. So that eliminates me for most of them. Then come my interests and life ambitions (or lack thereof). Considered very juvenile and a devastating turn off. I can't really go younger, I'd just be a creep, and none of them want anything to do with an old guy anyway. Older is a complete mystery.

If you just want to cruise through life with no major ambitions (which actually IS possible, I do it every day) and not have a career or kids or major attachments, you're screwed in your 30s. No one takes you seriously.


----------



## DiscardYourFear

Shawn81 said:


> Every few years or so I give it a try. No luck at all. Especially lately. I made a profile about four months ago or so on one of them. As of right now, 0 messages, three views, two were obviously bots, one must have misclicked, we were exact opposites. Trying to find someone on these sites like me is hopeless.
> 
> My age has completely turned against me. The primary issue is always kids.* I don't have or want kids. Most women in their 30s who are still single are looking for exactly that.* So that eliminates me for most of them. Then come my interests and life ambitions (or lack thereof). Considered very juvenile and a devastating turn off. I can't really go younger, I'd just be a creep, and none of them want anything to do with an old guy anyway. Older is a complete mystery.
> 
> If you just want to cruise through life with no major ambitions (which actually IS possible, I do it every day) and not have a career or kids or major attachments, you're screwed in your 30s. No one takes you seriously.


Look for a woman in her 40s than. 

Just kidding, although in my 30s I was single and didn't have or want kids. I still don't. So they are out there.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> Every few years or so I give it a try. No luck at all. Especially lately. I made a profile about four months ago or so on one of them. As of right now, 0 messages, three views, two were obviously bots, one must have misclicked, we were exact opposites. *Trying to find someone on these sites like me is hopeless.*
> 
> My age has completely turned against me. The primary issue is always kids. I don't have or want kids. Most women in their 30s who are still single are looking for exactly that. So that eliminates me for most of them. Then come my interests and life ambitions (or lack thereof). Considered very juvenile and a devastating turn off. I can't really go younger, I'd just be a creep, and none of them want anything to do with an old guy anyway. Older is a complete mystery.
> 
> If you just want to cruise through life with no major ambitions (which actually IS possible, I do it every day) and not have a career or kids or major attachments, you're screwed in your 30s. No one takes you seriously.


It all comes down to this.

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes dude..


----------



## Orbiter

My personality was intoxicated and then destroyed itself, therefore it doesn't make sense trying.
I manage to not worry much about it nowadays though. Let the other fools destroy themselves over women they want to screw so much.
Who says, life is only about carrying on your genes?
Who says that, is that some written rule in a book?
Will a piece of antimatter get in contact with matter and cause annihilation if I don't fullfill that fake *** purpose?
Not, as far as I know. At least it didn't happen yet. lol


----------



## Shawn81

DiscardYourFear said:


> Look for a woman in her 40s than.
> 
> Just kidding, although in my 30s I was single and didn't have or want kids. I still don't. So they are out there.


I feel like women on their 40s would be even less tolerant of my immaturity, or whatever it would be called. Come to think of it, I've never met anyone 40+ with my interests. These 'childish' things I enjoy don't age well, and are extremely unattractive. I was supposed to put them away years ago. That coupled with the no-career-no-kids mentality is a death sentence. I'm the anti-boyfriend.



Aphotic Apathy said:


> It all comes down to this.
> 
> Sorry to hear about your misfortunes dude..


Yeah, women on these dating sites... I don't know. It's like looking through hundreds of the same profile. "I like hiking, and travelling, and having fun (whatever the hell that means)". :blank And then they go on about their career ambitions or whatever they want to do for 50 hours a week for the next 30 years that's just going to make them miserable or distant.

And the ones my age are all looking for that special ambitious someone to start a family. Ugh.


----------



## My Hearse




----------



## theghost0991

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Have you tried online dating? You may get lucky on it and It may work for you.


Online Dating is the Devils favorite computer game


----------



## My Hearse

theghost0991 said:


> Online Dating is the Devils favorite computer game


LOL! I know!

Trust me.. I've wasted a lot of man hours on the dating apps man...


----------



## theghost0991

I'm a 22 year old guy whos life is passing him by as opportunity after opportunity to meet beautiful girls are constantly being missed and wasted. I also despise online dating, but am on Tinder just for the hell of it. 
I am pretty sure if I started talking, without what SA I still have, to girls some will find attraction with me, but bad habits die hard.

I really want to beat my problems, though, and get the girls I always hoped to get with when I was younger.


----------



## Shawn81

Welcome to Shawn81 City.


----------



## rdrr

Aphotic Apathy said:


> LOL! I know!
> 
> Trust me.. I've wasted a lot of man hours on the dating apps man...


Why cant they be women hours huh? I'll tell you, some men just want all the nouns.


----------



## My Hearse

rdrr said:


> Why cant they be women hours huh? I'll tell you, some men just want all the nouns.


A woman!

Retreat!


----------



## Fever Dream

Shawn81 said:


> Welcome to Shawn81 City.


Well, it may not have any attractions, but at least the drive is scenic.


----------



## Shawn81

Fever Dream said:


> Well, it may not have any attractions, but at least the drive is scenic.


Actually, I live in the middle of the desert. It's actually a shame I couldn't find one like that, because it's way more accurate.


----------



## Akuba

I am forcing myself to talk to more girls, even the plain looking ones.

There are 2 girls I feel relatively comfortable talking to. Being in a relationship with one of them continues to be a challenge.


----------



## Shawn81

I'm just trying to be the "Playing Hard To Get" champion of the world. The prize sucks, but I'm so damn good.


----------



## My Hearse




----------



## Jesuszilla

Does anyone else have a fear of being bored?

I do, but at the same time I refuse to compromise myself for a girl.

Man oh man I hear women talk about how boring guys are all the time and as a very boring guy, I know it rings true for me.

I don't really like to go out or socialize much. I strongly prefer to keep to myself and my ideal date night is cooking dinner and having sex...

Adventure does little for me. I'm so dull and boring...the problem isn't being dull and boring though. It's the fact that I'm more than content being this way.

I also have a bunch of other negatives keeping me single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shawn81

Jesuszilla said:


> Does anyone else have a fear of being bored?
> 
> I do, but at the same time I refuse to compromise myself for a girl.
> 
> Man oh man I hear women talk about how boring guys are all the time and as a very boring guy, I know it rings true for me.
> 
> I don't really like to go out or socialize much. I strongly prefer to keep to myself and my ideal date night is cooking dinner and having sex...
> 
> Adventure does little for me. I'm so dull and boring...the problem isn't being dull and boring though. It's the fact that I'm more than content being this way.
> 
> I also have a bunch of other negatives keeping me single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can relate to every word of that. I wouldn't mind minor compromises. But I can't be outgoing or social. So I want to stay in, for the most part.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Shawn81 said:


> Can relate to every word of that. I wouldn't mind minor compromises. But I can't be outgoing or social. So I want to stay in, for the most part.


I'm very upfront with women about the fact I'm not a social or outgoing person. I see no point in wasting their time trying to be fake. Already tried being Mr. Outgoing it didn't work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

I bring this up because there's a hot girl at work who's super social and I know bored the living hell out of her today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IcedOver

What have I been doing lately? Failing as usual. I don't take a typical path to finding a woman; if I did try a dating site in a totally regular way, I feel I could at least get a date even though it may stop only at one time out. Instead, I mess around with fruitless endeavors that I won't describe in total.

A woman I came close to meeting for some fun last year, and who flaked on me, got back in touch with me last month. She said she was sorry for blowing me off and that she wanted to talk. After about three weeks of trying to arrange a phone conversation (she was always busy or not in the mood), she said she was dating someone (I doubt that), that she changed her mind and would block my number. Fail.


----------



## Shawn81

Sitting at this desk all day when I'm not at work, usually spam refreshing this forum. This, oddly enough, isn't working either.


----------



## Jesuszilla

McFly said:


> I wonder what it would be like to have a clingy girl stalk you. Not like the totally crazy type, the kind that lets herself in through the window at night and brings a cake with my face on it and leaves random love letters in places like my car or the shower. I could totally go for that.


Clingy doesn't seem too bad unless it's as extreme as your example haha

As long as she understands I need some time to myself she can be as clingy as she wants to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

I know women get messages like crazy on dating sites but it's a completely different animal when you see it for yourself.

The girl who had 99+ views, 99+ meet me and 99+ messages she wasn't the most attractive girl and had a pretty negative profile. I'm saying something obvious, just seeing still blew my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

I feel more confident having a job. Now I can take girls on dates and not worry to much about that.

I'm not too bad on talking to girls but I still have little to no clue what to say. Small talk sucks, but anything past that is hell...I'm trying to figure out how the hell I ever met anyone to begin with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm back on dating sites and I must ask what's up with women and oxymorons?

One girl said and I'm paraphrasing here: "I want a guy who makes me feel dangerous but at the same time safe"

What the hell does that even mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

Super cute girl at work...Why do I have a feeling she has a boyfriend already :lol

Work related relationship aren't a good idea so I might as well enjoy the fact she's there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

My focus is finding a girl closer to me. Extroverts may be easier to talk to...like much, much easier to be honest but I can't keep up with such women. They do way to much and I'd be burned out within a month of being around them.

I think I need someone who wants to go out once every few weeks but otherwise strongly prefer low key events and activities.

I'd rather cook a dinner on a Friday than go out to be perfectly honest. I just hope my standards are realistic and I'm not wasting my time thinking I can find a girl as extreme introverted as me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm back on dating sites and I must ask what's up with women and oxymorons?
> 
> One girl said and I'm paraphrasing here: "I want a guy who makes me feel dangerous but at the same time safe"
> 
> What the hell does that even mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The worst is when they say "please say more than just a hi or what's up" and then when you talk to them, it's nothing but one word replies. Like really??


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> The worst is when they say "please say more than just a hi or what's up" and then when you talk to them, it's nothing but one worse replies. Like really??


I don't even leave one word replies and I still get nothing back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ozzly

I asked the girl out today in class, but she was already seeing the movie I wanted to take her to with her friends. Not sure what it means for the relationship, but that was the last free time I had until after Christmas.

Sort-of bummed so I'm just gonna go with my friends to see it instead maybe it'll make me feel better about my life


----------



## Jesuszilla

Ozzly said:


> I asked the girl out today in class, but she was already seeing the movie I wanted to take her to with her friends. Not sure what it means for the relationship, but that was the last free time I had until after Christmas.
> 
> Sort-of bummed so I'm just gonna go with my friends to see it instead maybe it'll make me feel better about my life


Even though it didn't work out, in very proud to heard to hear you asked. I hope that any girls you ask in the future say yes 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> The worst is when they say "please say more than just a hi or what's up" and then when you talk to them, it's nothing but one word replies. Like really??


I know right! Lol.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I forgot hot depressing it is when a girl replies once and then that's it lol...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

The reason I like POF more than OKC...I got a girl's number who's profile said she was shy and awkward. Likes superheroes and comics as much as I do...I.e. perfect.

Meanwhile my OKC profile is about as dry as my sex life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orbiter

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm back on dating sites and I must ask what's up with women and oxymorons?
> 
> One girl said and I'm paraphrasing here: "I want a guy who makes me feel dangerous but at the same time safe"
> 
> What the hell does that even mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That just means that she is an female individual who wants a "badboy" who she can "shape" into something she wants in the course of an eventual relationship.


----------



## Orbiter

Aphotic Apathy said:


>


Damn, poor fella. lol


----------



## optom12

I have little experience in getting girls. The girl friends I have got is through just talking and they just happened to like me. But I believe the biggest problem is what a friend said to me yesterday " you need to love yourself". This is my biggest obstacle and I have begun the journey to tackle it ! I am excited to see the end result 

I am interested in tips, you guys have


----------



## My Hearse

Orbiter said:


> Damn, poor fella. lol


Aren't we all like that poor skeleton who was once a beta male.


----------



## VanDamme

optom12 said:


> I am interested in tips, you guys have


As a tip: create a new thread for your question. Otherwise, not many people will see it.

Also, it's a common issue so you'll find lots of answers ... if you search.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I often forget my personality turns women off faster than a power outage...

Meh I think I try at this stuff because I'm a stubborn a**hole. Knowing damn well I'm about as unlikable as they come
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

So far so very good with this girl. I need to remember to not be passive or insecure around her.

She seems to be responsive to me. That's a very good start
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Just waiting for a girl to fall into my arms.


----------



## Memory Motel

Looksmaxing (steroids,melanotan,hairstyles,clothing), and going to a new college where no one knows me. Also maybe creating a fake facebook account with fake friends/pics to show high social/sexual value.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have a date next weekend  going to get sushi with the new girl. It'll be the first date. Nope it goes well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> I have a date next weekend  going to get sushi with the new girl. It'll be the first date. Nope it goes well
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Awesome!

Tell us how it goes!


----------



## Jesuszilla

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Awesome!
> 
> Tell us how it goes!


I'll Give live updates during the date just for you SAS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## herk

finally filled out my okc profile and put up a pic, got a few mutual likes and messages so far, we'll see where it goes.


----------



## knightofdespair

Jesuszilla said:


> I have a date next weekend  going to get sushi with the new girl. It'll be the first date. Nope it goes well
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even Dave Grohl is happy for you!


----------



## Jesuszilla

Is it better to ask or tell a girl when you're planning a date?

I think I'm going with telling her. I know a nice, affordable sushi restaurant and have a good time I'd like to meet.

The way I'll word it is as follows:

"That's an awesomen restaurant called XYZ I'd like to take you to. We can meet at 6 next Saturday"

That seems more decisive. Like I know where I want to go and what I want to do. It's up to her to accept the final details since she already agreed to meet up next Saturday.

The way I usually ask is:

"Do you like sushi
Would you like to go to XYZ sushi
What time is good for you?"

To me that comes off very passive. As if I need to rely on her opinion and I'm trying to cater to her.

So what's better asking or telling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AussiePea

That sounds good to me!


----------



## Shawn81

100% completing Binding of Isaac. They won't be able to keep their panties up.


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Is it better to ask or tell a girl when you're planning a date?
> 
> I think I'm going with telling her. I know a nice, affordable sushi restaurant and have a good time I'd like to meet.
> 
> The way I'll word it is as follows:
> 
> "That's an awesomen restaurant called XYZ I'd like to take you to. We can meet at 6 next Saturday"


Yeah, I agree. The statement sounds better then asking questions when you are the man initiating. Though there is a possibility that she may not like sushi or she might already have plans at that time. In that case, (if you don't know her preferences) it's still better to offer sugguestions for activity and time instead of asking "What you like to do?" or "What time is good for you?".



Jesuszilla said:


> That seems more decisive. Like I know where I want to go and what I want to do. It's up to her to accept the final details since she already agreed to meet up next Saturday.
> 
> The way I usually ask is:
> 
> "Do you like sushi
> Would you like to go to XYZ sushi
> What time is good for you?"
> 
> To me that comes off very passive. As if I need to rely on her opinion and I'm trying to cater to her.


I'd say the issue isn't about catering to her or asking for her opinion but who's making the plan (i.e. who's leading). You probably heard that many/most women prefer men to initiate and lead.
The first question is fine. You are trying to find out if she likes sushi as she may not. If she doesn' like sushi and you STICK to that plan without being flexible, then it's game over.
The second question is better a statement. Assuming she likes sushi or you can combine with the first question, just suggest to go to XYZ sushi.
With third question you are asking her to come up with the plan (and lead). That one is better said as a statement

Of course, there will be times when women may need to take the lead but for the most part they prefer the man to do so. Unless she's into :whip :grin2:

Good luck.


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> Yeah, I agree. The statement sounds better then asking questions when you are the man initiating. Though there is a possibility that she may not like sushi or she might already have plans at that time. In that case, (if you don't know her preferences) it's still better to offer sugguestions for activity and time instead of asking "What you like to do?" or "What time is good for you?".
> 
> I'd say the issue isn't about catering to her or asking for her opinion but who's making the plan (i.e. who's leading). You probably heard that many/most women prefer men to initiate and lead.
> The first question is fine. You are trying to find out if she likes sushi as she may not. If she doesn' like sushi and you STICK to that plan without being flexible, then it's game over.
> The second question is better a statement. Assuming she likes sushi or you can combine with the first question, just suggest to go to XYZ sushi.
> With third question you are asking her to come up with the plan (and lead). That one is better said as a statement
> 
> Of course, there will be times when women may need to take the lead but for the most part they prefer the man to do so. Unless she's into :whip :grin2:
> 
> Good luck.


Thanks man. I started by asking if she liked sushi to not to ahead of myself and then took charge.

She says she's shy, awkward and doesn't really like to socialize so I doubt she'd be the more aggressive type of woman. Which doesn't bother me. I just don't want to have the mistakes I did in the past
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

^^^^^^ So freaking lucky m8.. You better not mess this up lol.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Aphotic Apathy said:


> ^^^^^^ So freaking lucky m8.. You better not mess this up lol.


Thank you man. You bet your bottom dollar I won't. I'm very excited
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AussiePea

Jesuszilla said:


> Thanks man. I started by asking if she liked sushi to not to ahead of myself and then took charge.
> 
> She says she's shy, awkward and doesn't really like to socialize so I doubt she'd be the more aggressive type of woman. Which doesn't bother me. I just don't want to have the mistakes I did in the past
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There was never any doubt you would have some success with dating again imo given your attitude towards it all in here and how you have directed your frustrations related to your romantic life. Hopefully you two get along well but if not, keep on keeping on.


----------



## Jesuszilla

AussiePea said:


> There was never any doubt you would have some success with dating again imo given your attitude towards it all in here and how you have directed your frustrations related to your romantic life. Hopefully you two get along well but if not, keep on keeping on.


Thanks. I'm trying to be more positive about myself. Feeling very optimistic about her. The little things like telling me "good morning" and asking how my has been gives me the feeling she's legitimately interested
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> Thanks. I'm trying to be more positive about myself. Feeling very optimistic about her. *The little things like telling me "good morning" and asking how my has been gives me the feeling she's legitimately interested*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Thanks man. I started by asking if she liked sushi to not to ahead of myself and then took charge.
> 
> She says she's shy, awkward and doesn't really like to socialize so I doubt she'd be the more aggressive type of woman. Which doesn't bother me. I just don't want to have the mistakes I did in the past


So far it sounds like you have the right approach and attitude.

Making mistakes are an interesting area. It can be difficult to avoid and learn from them ... if you don't even know that you are making mistakes. That's where awareness and learning comes in. There are many variables especially when starting a new relationship and can be difficult to guess how things will turn out. Instead of worrying about not messing up, I like to focus on doing the best I can. If it works out, great. If not, hopefully I can learn something for next time.

You probably read other people's posts and dating experience on this forum. Some work out, others don't. One major issue I heard for people with shyness/SA is when neither people are able communicate in person. Or when one finds it is like pulling teeth to get answers from the other person (but the other person is fine with online chatting or messaging). Shyness and being awkward can mean a lot of things. Maybe she doesn't like to be around many people. Then possibly, going to a restaurant may not work initially. Possibly, going for a walk in a park might be better. Or she may need more time to become familiar with others. Possibly, you may need to start slow and notice how she responds and listen to her concerns and reassure her.


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> So far it sounds like you have the right approach and attitude.
> 
> Making mistakes are an interesting area. It can be difficult to avoid and learn from them ... if you don't even know that you are making mistakes. That's where awareness and learning comes in. There are many variables especially when starting a new relationship and can be difficult to guess how things will turn out. Instead of worrying about not messing up, I like to focus on doing the best I can. If it works out, great. If not, hopefully I can learn something for next time.
> 
> You probably read other people's posts and dating experience on this forum. Some work out, others don't. One major issue I heard for people with shyness/SA is when neither people are able communicate in person. Or when one finds it is like pulling teeth to get answers from the other person (but the other person is fine with online chatting or messaging). Shyness and being awkward can mean a lot of things. Maybe she doesn't like to be around many people. Then possibly, going to a restaurant may not work initially. Possibly, going for a walk in a park might be better. Or she may need more time to become familiar with others. Possibly, you may need to start slow and notice how she responds and listen to her concerns and reassure her.


Speaking of walking in the park, the sushi place is right next to a park...or some kinda area I plan on walking around and talking to her more after or before we eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Speaking of walking in the park, the sushi place is right next to a park...or some kinda area I plan on walking around and talking to her more after or before we eat.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds good! Keep us updated.


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> I have a date next weekend  going to get sushi with the new girl. It'll be the first date. Nope it goes well
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good luck. 

I wish I would have tried going out on dates.


----------



## Jesuszilla

ravens said:


> Good luck.
> 
> I wish I would have tried going out on dates.


Show your before and after pictures you'll have everyone chasing you


----------



## ravens

Jesuszilla said:


> Show your before and after pictures you'll have everyone chasing you


Yeah I wish I would have lost weight years ago but I still probably wouldn't have asked anybody out. When I was a teenager I wasn't overweight and never talked to any girls.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm feeling good about the new girl. She starting to open up more which is great. This is my first time ever wooing a shy girl and so far so good.

The fact that we are so patient takes away so much pressure. We both need time to open up instead of the outgoing girls where they have expectations of you from all the other guys who hit on them or they've dated before. It's a really nice change of pace.

But one thing I have to ask: does flirting make a shy girl more nervous? Any time I try a little flirting like saying she's cute, she down plays it. Which isn't a bad thing, but I don't know if I should continue to say things like that or abandon it all together.

Being a little flirty always helped me with the extrovert girls to show them that although I may be shy or nervous, I'm still into them and they usually responded very positively. Wonder if anyone has thoughts on that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ravens

Sitting here at home waiting. :crying:


----------



## veron

Jesuszilla said:


> But one thing I have to ask: does flirting make a shy girl more nervous? Any time I try a little flirting like saying she's cute, she down plays it. Which isn't a bad thing, but I don't know if I should continue to say things like that or abandon it all together.


Continue. Yes, do it. Downplaying compliments is a typical response for shy people, but in no way does it mean you should avoid it. If you stop flirting, you might start sounding like a "friend", and that's not the direction you want to go in, do you.



ravens said:


> Sitting here at home waiting. :crying:


Stop waiting, and start approaching.


----------



## NuthinSimple

I picked up some jelly pudding. Now I'm trying to get my hands on some of those oldschool Quaaludes. Once I get those I'm mixing it all up and sitting here like









And then it's ZIP ZOP ZOOBITY BOP!!!!


----------



## Jesuszilla

veron said:


> Continue. Yes, do it. Downplaying compliments is a typical response for shy people, but in no way does it mean you should avoid it. If you stop flirting, you might start sounding like a "friend", and that's not the direction you want to go in, do you.


Thank yo so much  This morning when I kinda turned the flirt into a little joke. Which she seemed to respond well too. I hope she didn't take it the wrong way. But so far she's been responsive when I thought I over did it.

I want her to get comfortable with me so my worry was that by being flirty and her downplaying she would get tired of me, which is the opposite of what I want.


----------



## ravens

veron said:


> Stop waiting, and start approaching.


Yeah maybe if I was back in my 20's and cared about it back then. Probably would just end up the same anyway. Never really saw myself as somebody who could get a girlfriend.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> Stop waiting, and start approaching.


A guy with SA and approaching?


----------



## ravens

gunner21 said:


> A guy with SA and approaching?


Yeah that's something I've never done. It's bad when just the thought of doing that gives me a panic attack.


----------



## gunner21

How does one approach anyway? Like I don't understand how a guy asks a girl out. It'll always seem awkward and inappropriate to me.


----------



## veron

Jesuszilla said:


> Thank yo so much


You're welcome. Good luck with the date 



gunner21 said:


> A guy with SA and approaching?


Mmm-hmm


----------



## ravens

I have no idea how to approach anybody.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> How does one approach anyway? Like I don't understand how a guy asks a girl out. It'll always seem awkward and inappropriate to me.


Well, it depends on the scenario. Like whether it's a cold approach, someone at school/work, or someone you meet at a party...

With my ex, we've hung out a couple of times at some place we were volunteering at. We casually talked each time. On the last day, he asked me what I did for fun... he found out that I liked coffee, and before we departed, he said something like, "maybe we could grab a coffee one day?" I agreed we could do that. The next day or so, he called me, and that's when he set up our first date.


----------



## LemonBones

ravens said:


> I have no idea how to approach anybody.


This


----------



## gunner21

Got a girl's number from OKC and of course it's a wrong number. LOL!


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> But one thing I have to ask: does flirting make a shy girl more nervous? Any time I try a little flirting like saying she's cute, she down plays it. Which isn't a bad thing, but I don't know if I should continue to say things like that or abandon it all together.


I wonder if all shy people would downplay compliments but agree that insecure women (or rather people since men can also do that) tend to. If you are saying it face to face then the other person's response can also give you clues as to how they actually feel about it. If you are texting, then it can be trickier to gauge true feedback.



Jesuszilla said:


> This morning when I kinda turned the flirt into a little joke. Which she seemed to respond well too. I hope she didn't take it the wrong way. But so far she's been responsive when I thought I over did it.


Based on her feedback, looks like you did well! 

Keep up the good work!


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> Got a girl's number from OKC and of course it's a wrong number. LOL!


Serious?

I'm sorry to have read your unfortunate news..how did you *feel* the conversation was going before you asked for her cellphone number?


----------



## monotonous

omg this thread is still alive

FYI i'm trying to up my income and social hirachy level so i can attract girls, i think before i turn 60 i will make enough money and have enough people below me so i can get my first gf


----------



## My Hearse

monotonous said:


> omg this thread is still alive
> 
> FYI i'm trying to up my income and social hirachy level so i can attract girls, i think before i turn 60 i will make enough money and have enough people below me so i can get my first gf


Cool! Sounds achievable!


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> I wonder if all shy people would downplay compliments but agree that insecure women (or rather people since men can also do that) tend to. If you are saying it face to face then the other person's response can also give you clues as to how they actually feel about it. If you are texting, then it can be trickier to gauge true feedback.
> 
> Based on her feedback, looks like you did well!
> 
> Keep up the good work!


So far all through text. We'll meet up for the first time Saturday which I have a good feeling about.



monotonous said:


> omg this thread is still alive
> 
> FYI i'm trying to up my income and social hirachy level so i can attract girls, i think before i turn 60 i will make enough money and have enough people below me so i can get my first gf


This is one of the best threads on the site for single guys lol

You should get a good job for you. If you chase money, just for women chase you I doubt you'd be happy.

Having an income is great. Relationships can be expensive especially if you're the kind of couple that likes to travel and do things. But you may end up with a gold digger if you plan on flaunting your money to get one.


----------



## Ignopius

I want to find a girl I'm interested in. It's just so difficult.


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> So far all through text. We'll meet up for the first time Saturday which I have a good feeling about.


Enjoy!


----------



## gunner21

UPDATE: The number she gave me was one digit off. Gave me the right number later on.

So, bit of a situation here. She's busy with work and then has to go away for holidays to be with family. Essentially, she's not free until new year's. So, what do I do? Do I continue texting her? I don't like to text too much because then you run out of things to say when you meet, but two weeks is a long time and she may change her mind in the meantime. Advice?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> UPDATE: The number she gave me was one digit off. Gave me the right number later on.
> 
> So, bit of a situation here. She's busy with work and then has to go away for holidays to be with family. Essentially, she's not free until new year's. So, what do I do? Do I continue texting her? I don't like to text too much because then you run out of things to say when you meet, but two weeks is a long time and she may change her mind in the meantime. Advice?


Idk if this is weird but maybe you can plan a post holiday date? And then talk to her until then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> Idk if this is weird but maybe you can plan a post holiday date? And then talk to her until then.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I asked to meet up then and she said she'll have to see her schedule. What I'm asking is should I talk too much through text? I don't really want to because I'd rather get to know her in person.


----------



## VanDamme

gunner21 said:


> So, bit of a situation here. She's busy with work and then has to go away for holidays to be with family. Essentially, she's not free until new year's. So, what do I do? Do I continue texting her? I don't like to text too much because then you run out of things to say when you meet, but two weeks is a long time and she may change her mind in the meantime. Advice?


Interesting situation. On one hand I agree that it's better to communicate certain things in person than with text. On the other hand, since you won't be seeing each other for a while, you need to maintain connection with enough texts.

Perhaps the frequency of your texting so far can give be used as a rough guide. How often have you text each other? Do you usually initiate or about equally? If she likes to send texts frequently, then you can keep in touch more frequently, otherwise less frequently.

Maybe you can post it as a new thread question so that people with more texting can let you know about their experience.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I am no expert at flirting in any shape or form but I felt good getting a "I can't wait to see you Saturday " I don't know if that's flirting or not but still cute and it's nice to see her say something nice first.


----------



## lizzy19

Jesuszilla said:


> I am no expert at flirting in any shape or form but I felt good getting a "I can't wait to see you Saturday " I don't know if that's flirting or not but still cute and it's nice to see her say something nice first.


that's awesome! Good luck.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ Thanks. So she's been more, um, active today. I've been doing most of the conversation starters, flirting etc. Today she's been asking all the questions and starting all the conversations.


----------



## Jesuszilla

It was very nice, it made my day


----------



## gunner21

Does anyone find it weird how majority of the girls on POF spend a lot of their profile talking about guys they don't want, rather than discussing the type they do want.


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> Does anyone find it weird how majority of the girls on POF spend a lot of their profile talking about guys they don't want, rather than discussing the type they do want.


Yep..

And in actuality when you finish read her bio and think hey! I might be the one or type of man she will like! Let me send her a message.. Turns out she either doesn't even reply or sends a one word message back to you lol..

Funny stuff it is, man.. Funny stuff...


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Does anyone find it weird how majority of the girls on POF spend a lot of their profile talking about guys they don't want, rather than discussing the type they do want.


Yes, yes, yes a million times yes. I've even stopped messaging such profiles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustThisGuy

"I'm now bachelor again. Me am hate. Female friend maybe visit for New Year so Ryan no feel lonely during holidays. Me have gifts. Me have expectations of affection, but won't be forward for fear of awkwardness. Ryan am vexed yet happy if visit happens. Ryan am." 

- Ryan's reptile brain


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> I am no expert at flirting in any shape or form but I felt good getting a "I can't wait to see you Saturday " I don't know if that's flirting or not but still cute and it's nice to see her say something nice first.


Definitely a good sign.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Still haven't seen this girl. I just want give up.


----------



## Jesuszilla

visualkeirockstar said:


> Still haven't seen this girl. I just want give up.


What's the story between you two?


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Jesuszilla said:


> What's the story between you two?


Nothing really. I'm just probably over thinking too much.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Do girls laugh at a guy's jokes because he likes him? Because although I tell jokes to her, I don't think I'm that funny


----------



## binckie

Jesuszilla said:


> Do girls laugh at a guy's jokes because he likes him? Because although I tell jokes to her, I don't think I'm that funny


It could be yes.
If they like you, they often tend to laugh even if the joke is crappy.

But be carefull: it is not because they laugh that they , by definition, are into you!
I have this problem: I am a pretty funny guy (I guess I developed this act for being sarcastic and funny as some sort of defence mechanism) and I often do not know of they are laughing because I am just funny or they like me. 
This has lead to many misunderstandings: me thinking a specific girl likes me more than just "being friends" and it always turned out they just "liked" me because I was funny and relaxed (and not hitting on them right away)


----------



## Brandeezy

Haven't been on this site in forever, let alone this thread lol but let me give you guys an update on my love life this year. So around June/May I asked a co-worker if he could hook me with another co-worker that he's good friends with. She ended up saying "No" and that I was "Too quiet" whatever that means. Since then I've seen a lot of attractive women when I get off work, at work, going places etc. but have always been to afraid to approach them because I know deep down that they will reject me for numerous of reasons. To sum it up I haven't spoken to anyone in an effort to get a date or number all year. I dabbled with online dating again for a few weeks but then I realized why I quit it in the first place. 

Now that i'm 26 I honestly don't know if I even want an relationship anymore or if I ever in the future. All my efforts seem futile and pointless


----------



## knightofdespair

Jesuszilla said:


> Do girls laugh at a guy's jokes because he likes him? Because although I tell jokes to her, I don't think I'm that funny


Women have some weird boundaries on humor. Some will get offended over the weirdest stuff but you won't really know that until you know them pretty well.. Its funny one of my female coworkers will joke about anal sex, but finds poop jokes gross... ??


----------



## Jesuszilla

knightofdespair said:


> Women have some weird boundaries on humor. Some will get offended over the weirdest stuff but you won't really know that until you know them pretty well.. Its funny one of my female coworkers will joke about anal sex, but finds poop jokes gross... ??


That's true
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

knightofdespair said:


> Its funny one of my female coworkers will joke about anal sex, but finds poop jokes gross... ??


I heard anal sex is supposed to be "clean". Maybe that's why? :con

Or maybe it's a "hint".


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Posting me nude on the internet.


----------



## IcedOver

I'm in a little bit of a quandary. I've gotten very clear interest many times for what I'm looking for (I won't go into it on the board, but it's off the beaten path), but it's only led to flakes and disappointment. Yesterday I got a message from someone else who is interested, and she actually seems pretty gung ho, like if I wanted it, it would happen. The problem is that I'm not that attracted to her because of her weight. She's not humongous, but definitely has more than "a little extra." Rejecting her because of that would be pretty awful, so I'm trying to be a tad cool in terms of my expectations and the way I'm presenting myself. I have zero experience with women, yet I'm not desperate, at least not at the moment because I've been rather depressed.


----------



## nubly

VanDamme said:


> I heard anal sex is supposed to be "clean". Maybe that's why? :con
> 
> Or maybe it's a "hint".


It's nasty, it smells like sewage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well my date cancelled said she was busy for the upcoming week.

Shades of my ex on that one. Cancel the day of. We were supposed to meet in 2 hours. But it's probably not the end of the world it is the holiday season
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

This isn't the worst case of canceling but I don't really get why wait so soon. I'm guessing she tried to make it but realized she couldn't. It beats those times I actually went to the place only for the woman to cancel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Joe

more like what am I doing to STOP GETTING GIRLS TO ASK ME ON DATES


----------



## Jesuszilla

@Joe is always ahead of the game lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Joe

it is my plight indeed


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Well my date cancelled said she was busy for the upcoming week.


That's unfortunate.



Jesuszilla said:


> This isn't the worst case of canceling but I don't really get why wait so soon. I'm guessing she tried to make it but realized she couldn't. It beats those times I actually went to the place only for the woman to cancel.


You're probably right since you mentioned that she was quite interested. Reminds me of the SA support group meetings. Many new people tend to cancel on the day of the meeting or just don't show up.

Overall,did you get the sense that she is still interested but may need more time? Or that's something you'll see later?



Jesuszilla said:


> But it's probably not the end of the world it is the holiday season


Are you thinking of finding one of those girls who feel really lonely during the holidays?


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> That's unfortunate.
> 
> You're probably right since you mentioned that she was quite interested. Reminds me of the SA support group meetings. Many new people tend to cancel on the day of the meeting or just don't show up.
> 
> Overall,did you get the sense that she is still interested but may need more time? Or that's something you'll see later?
> 
> Are you thinking of finding one of those girls who feel really lonely during the holidays?


Yes she's still interested to make up for today we're going to the movies and then to eat tomorrow. Cliche I know but hey I can't wait to see her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes she's still interested to make up for today we're going to the movies and then to eat tomorrow. Cliche I know but hey I can't wait to see her.


Oh, that's great! I thought you meant she cancelled because she was busy for a week with no chance of meeting. :grin2:


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> Oh, that's great! I thought you meant she cancelled because she was busy for a week with no chance of meeting. :grin2:


That's what I thought at first too. But instead of going all doom and gloom I just continued to talk to her make sure she's still into me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> That's what I thought at first too. But instead of going all doom and gloom I just continued to talk to her make sure she's still into me


Cool.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Cancelled again. Hope it's just nerves getting in get way

Anyone who reads this just be honest, if you don't plan on going out don't wait until it's time to go or anything like that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## binckie

Jesuszilla said:


> Cancelled again. Hope it's just nerves getting in get way
> 
> Anyone who reads this just be honest, if you don't plan on going out don't wait until it's time to go or anything like that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She cancelled again? or?


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> Cancelled again. Hope it's just nerves getting in get way
> 
> Anyone who reads this just be honest, if you don't plan on going out don't wait until it's time to go or anything like that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is bad. She's cancelled twice. I had a girl do that to me as well. I stopped talking to her.


----------



## My Hearse

Jesuszilla said:


> Cancelled again. Hope it's just nerves getting in get way
> 
> Anyone who reads this just be honest, if you don't plan on going out don't wait until it's time to go or anything like that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I *feel* for your situation right now..

Just remember that you tried and that you never gave up.

I highly doubt you should remain in contact with her but I have no experience here. Maybe she thinks things are going to fast (meeting up)? Or she might only want a friendship connection at the moment.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Forgot how much this dating stuff can make one feel like a loser lol

Anyway, I'll pick myself up so I'm not sweating it too much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## monotonous

i returned to sas

ik ik easy female fans


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well upon talking to her further she has anxiety which is why she's been canceling. Which I would understand anxiety

Saying I understand is pretty obvious given I'm posting this on SAS lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AussiePea

Jesuszilla said:


> Well upon talking to her further she has anxiety which is why she's been canceling. Which I would understand anxiety
> 
> Saying I understand is pretty obvious given I'm posting this on SAS lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The benefit is that you're obviously understanding of anxiety too, did you discuss your own with her? It could actually be a good bonding opportunity for you both.


----------



## Jesuszilla

AussiePea said:


> The benefit is that you're obviously understanding of anxiety too, did you discuss your own with her? It could actually be a good bonding opportunity for you both.


Yes I am discussing my own anxiety issues. The reason she opened up about it was because I told her I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder last year. So she's been very open ever since about her past
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Redvision_95

Honestly, I gave up trying to find a girl. 
I was on a few sites and tried to talk to a few on Facebook and Skype etc but the girls around here are all a bit... Self centred and only care about looks and money. Eventually i gave up. 
Im now starting to try again. Ive signed up to a few sites but my internet provider blocks dating sites and OKC is one of them that are blocked. Im talking to a few people on facebook again but I wont be putting too much effort in, If something happens and i find somebody then itll happen but if i dont, then i dont.


----------



## monotonous

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Missed you bae <3


missed you too <3


----------



## Jesuszilla

I think talking about our issues was the key to open her up (okay that made her seem like more a treasure than a person lol). It's almost like she's a different person after. I get this sense that now that she knows I won't run or judge her when she's anxious the monkey is off her back. Somehow being cancelled on twice is starting to look like it benefited me. We'll see but this is the first time I felt optimistic after something like this happened
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> Cancelled again. Hope it's just nerves getting in get way
> 
> Anyone who reads this just be honest, if you don't plan on going out don't wait until it's time to go or anything like that


That's unfortunate.

It probably won't help much but nobody of the four people who signed up showed for my meeting yesterday. I've met a couple and there would've been two new people. It's for an SA group but the location was different from the other regular meetings. At this point, having hosted more than hundred meetings in the last ten years, I'm prepared for any possiblity. There were only less than a handful of meetings when no-one else showed up, but I'd say the practice of just doing it many times and not knowning for certain how many people will actually show up helped with what to focus on and detaching from things that I can't control.



Jesuszilla said:


> Well upon talking to her further she has anxiety which is why she's been canceling. Which I would understand anxiety
> 
> Saying I understand is pretty obvious given I'm posting this on SAS lol


It's good that you understand that side of her and she's still in touch. 

I'm curious. Do you know, did she feel anxious because of meeting a new person or perhaps anxiety also has to do with the location (and maybe more new people being around)? In that case perhaps a different location or activity might be better?


----------



## Jesuszilla

VanDamme said:


> That's unfortunate.
> 
> It probably won't help much but nobody of the four people who signed up showed for my meeting yesterday. I've met a couple and there would've been two new people. It's for an SA group but the location was different from the other regular meetings. At this point, having hosted more than hundred meetings in the last ten years, I'm prepared for any possiblity. There were only less than a handful of meetings when no-one else showed up, but I'd say the practice of just doing it many times and not knowning for certain how many people will actually show up helped with what to focus on and detaching from things that I can't control.
> 
> It's good that you understand that side of her and she's still in touch.
> 
> I'm curious. Do you know, did she feel anxious because of meeting a new person or perhaps anxiety also has to do with the location (and maybe more new people being around)? In that case perhaps a different location or activity might be better?


That's great you host a SA group meeting man

Her anxiety was with meeting a new person more than the location. But I'll see if we can meet somewhere quitter or with less foot traffic.


----------



## My Hearse

Oh wow! I actually approached this woman I see/speak to sometimes on the track outside of the gym. I approached her twice today, the first time I said hi and asked her what she was going to exercise today. That ended up in failure since I gestured to much and... In the end i didn't know wtf to say really.. She asked if I was leaving and I said no I'll just walk around the track and I left her to her exercise. 

The second time I approached her I saw her doing stretches and push-ups and I approached and I asked her about the push-ups and if she was going to do something after... The looks she gave me were hilarious! It was if she was expecting me to say some magic line or word to her.. I didn't know wtf I was really saying and I looked so awkward while talking... I don't know what made me approach her.. 2 times!! Wow.. Something really came over me after that monster I drank while in the gym.. Yep.. It had to be side effects of the monster drink that caused me to do this.. Anyways.. She left and I felt like **** as usual.. Walking the track alone listening to music.. The only comforting thing in my life..

Oh, yeah.. Each approach was about less than 20 seconds in conversation LOL! That my fellow gentlemen is sad! Haha but I'm actually kind of grateful nothing developed anyways (even though nothing ever will).. I mean if she were to ask me questions about my life she would run away from me in full blown traffic lol.. It's as if people see my face and body and think or have expectations of me but when they speak to me or get to know about me they are so shocked.. Completely shocked I tell you.. Examples: You're a virgin?!!! Stop lying!!, why are you so why?!!, No friends? So you're like a loner or something?, Wtf are you listening to!! You don't listen to rap music!!, You don't go out!!!? What do you do then?, go to the movies alone!!!? Who does that!!?, How come you don't have Facebook or Instagram!!?, I never heard of anime.. Why are you into cartoons?, How come you never had a gf? You're not "ugly", No job? How do you buy clothes or go out?... Oh.. You don't go out.. You're weird.. , etc. these things make me shake my head lol.. Seriously dude? Not everyone is the same and molded by this mainstream **** media or society you "normal" people seem to follow.

Ah.. Sorry for this block of text guys.. I have no one to tell this too and my mind was surprisingly overloaded with thoughts at the moment.. I had to release some in the form of text which is pretty convenient.


----------



## VanDamme

Jesuszilla said:


> That's great you host a SA group meeting man


Thanks, man!


----------



## Jesuszilla

I give him credit, he has some pretty cool usernames.

Anyway, this time around she asked me to hang. Hope she sticks with it. I'm not being impatient or anything, I told her whenever she's comfortable to meet.

Observation: have you noticed that even when a girl asks you to hang out that they are still indecisive on where to go? Fortunately for me I am not as indecisive as I was years ago so there's no back and forth on what to do or where to go. Just something I've noticed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

RadnessaurousRex said:


> @Infinite Isolation is that you Mr. Pepe!?


Mr. Pepe is dead..


----------



## Jesuszilla

Infinite Isolation said:


> Mr. Pepe is dead..


My condolences. RIP Mr. Pepe, your memes will live on forever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shawn81

Still just sitting here. It still isn't working. Need to get ripped like the other metalheads around here.


----------



## LemonBones

I've never really tried getting a girl because I just imagine myself having nothing to say. I'm accustomed to no socialising day in day out, for years :/ I'm toooooo damn passive, I have to snap out of it and try. All I have are memories of hot girls I could have met but didn't. My thoughts on their expectations of me froze me from going for it. It's easy to appear funny and personable online and such. There was this girl I saw staring me out and smiling, I'd rate her a straight 10 in my books! I saw her multiple times but I never approached. **** that sucks.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> I give him credit, he has some pretty cool usernames.
> 
> Anyway, this time around she asked me to hang. Hope she sticks with it. I'm not being impatient or anything, I told her whenever she's comfortable to meet.
> 
> Observation: have you noticed that even when a girl asks you to hang out that they are still indecisive on where to go? Fortunately for me I am not as indecisive as I was years ago so there's no back and forth on what to do or where to go. Just something I've noticed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"So where do you wanna go?"
"I don't know, you decide"
"How about sushi"
"No, I don't want that"
"How about mexican"
"I don't know, it makes me bloated"
"Italian then"
"No, just had that last week"
"We'll just stay in then"
"ugh....I don't know"


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> "So where do you wanna go?"
> "I don't know, you decide"
> "How about sushi"
> "No, I don't want that"
> "How about mexican"
> "I don't know, it makes me bloated"
> "Italian then"
> "No, just had that last week"
> "We'll just stay in then"
> "ugh....I don't know"


:rofl You must have experienced this before
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> Still just sitting here. It still isn't working. Need to get ripped like the other metalheads around here.


Metalheads in your area or SAS?

You're like the only person I've seen into Metal on here and a few posters on the post your metal track for the day lol.


----------



## Shawn81

Infinite Isolation said:


> Metalheads in your area or SAS?
> 
> You're like the only person I've seen into Metal on here and a few posters on the post your metal track for the day lol.


I meant on here (mostly because of your avatar change). Couldn't tell you what people are doing in the real world.

I haven't posted in that thread in a bit. Might have to.


----------



## Rex87

I been having a rough go on online dating since Nov. It's like holy ****! Wtf! Been on online dating for years but never have I got 5 numbers that lead to nothing. I already expect it to happen....as it has happened many times before to me. Never 5 times though...usually 1-2 times, sometimes even 3. But **** it ...it happens. 

I am talking to someone currently. Ihave a good feeling about her.... seems like a really great woman! A really strong woman. Honestly she isn't who I usually date but I'm intrigued. Just have a good feeling about her...quite sure she feels the same about me. Texted all day today and from Sunday night when I first contacted her...there was just something about her. We will see...I will just continue getting to know her via my phone and then hopefully meet her in person in a couple weeks.


----------



## Evo1114

I downloaded the app for POF a couple weeks ago, but I actually got annoyed by the notifications I was getting (which I guess I shouldn't ***** about...but the chicks messaging/expressing interest were rather 'greasy'). I uninstalled it. It seems POF seems to be the place for people to freak out on you if you don't respond. No thanks.

A strange thing happened the other weekend. I went to my work xmas party. I sat between my buddy's g/f and a friend of one of my female coworkers whom my coworker brought as her 'date'. The coworker's friend was a former NBA dancer, so she is rather gorgeous. I don't remember what I did/say since I was hopped up on anxiety meds, but the chick wants me to go out with them on New Years Eve. The only problem with this is that I'm 36 and they are 21-22. They are spending most of their evening at a party at the 'football house' on campus. (Obviously I said no way in hell I'd do that, but said I could meet them at the bars afterwards if they wanted). She said her friend is lonely and 'needs a boy to talk to'. I feel avoiding the 'frattish' party is definitely the correct route regardless. Just need to convince my coworker buddy and his g/f to hang out with me again that night so I'm just the 'old guy at the college bars' rather than the 'old guy alone at the college bars'.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Sending out nudes.


----------



## My Hearse

Evo1114 said:


> I downloaded the app for POF a couple weeks ago, but I actually got annoyed by the notifications I was getting (which I guess I shouldn't ***** about...but the chicks messaging/expressing interest were rather 'greasy'). I uninstalled it. It seems POF seems to be the place for people to freak out on you if you don't respond. No thanks.


Wow.

You must look like Brad Pitt.

I received little to no notifications on POF. Okcupid? I receive nothing at all lol.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> I meant on here (mostly because of your avatar change). Couldn't tell you what people are doing in the real world.
> 
> I haven't posted in that thread in a bit. Might have to.


The majority of (Male) Metalheads I see on the Internet are skinny with long hair lol.. I guess the women dig the long hair?I really would like to have a Metalhead woman in my life.. but, it doesn't work in my favor that I'm totally far from the stereotypical look of a Metalhead. Such is life right? Lol.

Same here!


----------



## Shawn81

Infinite Isolation said:


> The majority of (Male) Metalheads I see on the Internet are skinny with long hair lol.. I guess the women dig the long hair?I really would like to have a Metalhead woman in my life.. but, it doesn't work in my favor that I'm totally far from the stereotypical look of a Metalhead. Such is life right? Lol.
> 
> Same here!


That was me in high school. 135 lbs with hair to my lower back. I was a good little stereotypical death metal soldier. Then I got old. No more hair, and can't keep the weight off. Can't say the long hair did my success with women any good, though a few seemed to kind of like it. I'd love someone into metal, too, so I don't have to keep that part of my life to myself. I guess a nerd would be thing number one thing, metal head second, for me to feel accepted.


----------



## Evo1114

Infinite Isolation said:


> Wow.
> 
> You must look like Brad Pitt.
> 
> I received little to no notifications on POF. Okcupid? I receive nothing at all lol.


If I don't go in for awhile, I don't get _any_ notifications. I think pof sorts its users by 'last login date' so with as many users as there are, it's easy to get buried, especially if you don't go in very often. When you have the mobile thing, it is always connected, so you are always at the top of the list...it must also have a large effect on the 'Meet Me' thing since that's what I kept being notified about.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> That was me in high school. 135 lbs with hair to my lower back. I was a good little stereotypical death metal soldier. Then I got old. No more hair, and can't keep the weight off. Can't say the long hair did my success with women any good, though a few seemed to kind of like it. I'd love someone into metal, too, so I don't have to keep that part of my life to myself. I guess a nerd would be thing number one thing, metal head second, for me to feel accepted.


Nerdy MetalHead woman..

I would so much wish for the same..

But, do they even exist?!!


----------



## My Hearse

Evo1114 said:


> If I don't go in for awhile, I don't get _any_ notifications. I think pof sorts its users by 'last login date' so with as many users as there are, it's easy to get buried, especially if you don't go in very often. When you have the mobile thing, it is always connected, so you are always at the top of the list...it must also have a large effect on the 'Meet Me' thing since that's what I kept being notified about.


Oh! Okay! You received notifications from the Meet Me feature.. I thought you meant notifications from women replying to you or sending you messages lol.

I disregard the Meet Me thing.. I find it useless.. Okay.. You find me attractive by face? Sends message.. Either doesn't get replied to or if replied the conversation dies before it even started due to lack of anything in common/ similar interests.


----------



## Shawn81

Infinite Isolation said:


> Nerdy MetalHead woman..
> 
> I would so much wish for the same..
> 
> But, do they even exist?!!


They exist, rarely. Their husbands and boyfriends are a bit easier to find than they are.


----------



## My Hearse

Shawn81 said:


> They exist, rarely. Their husbands and boyfriends are a bit easier to find than they are.


Lmao, yeah.. You're totally right.. Sad but true.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I may have messed up, hope I didn't. Won't go into too much detail until I can confirm. Really hope this is a case of low self-esteem getting in my way.


----------



## versikk

Infinite Isolation said:


> The majority of (Male) Metalheads I see on the Internet are skinny with long hair lol.. I guess the women dig the long hair?I really would like to have a Metalhead woman in my life.. but, it doesn't work in my favor that I'm totally far from the stereotypical look of a Metalhead. Such is life right? Lol.
> 
> Same here!


Long hair looks awesome when headbanging, i guess that might be why (to an extent... it is a trend within rock circles after all)

and if you're not white it's "wierd" to listen to metal.


----------



## My Hearse

versikk said:


> Long hair looks awesome when headbanging, i guess that might be why (to an extent... it is a trend within rock circles after all)
> 
> and *if you're not white it's "wierd" to listen to metal*.


Yep.

Stereotypically I'm supposed to like Rap and RnB.

Good thing music wasn't meant for our eyes but for our ears.


----------



## knightofdespair

Infinite Isolation said:


> Yep.
> 
> Stereotypically I'm supposed to like Rap and RnB.
> 
> Good thing music wasn't meant for our eyes but for our ears.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> I may have messed up, hope I didn't. Won't go into too much detail until I can confirm. Really hope this is a case of low self-esteem getting in my way.


Soooo....


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well I've barely been hearing from her...sooooo not good


----------



## Shawn81

Waiting for some beautiful nerd to come over and play PC games and watch Star Trek V. 





I'm still waiting.





This might take a while.


----------



## My Hearse

^ Haha.

I'm not even waiting. 

I don't even care anymore.

I'm doing nothing.


----------



## gunner21

**** pof...**** okc....**** online dating. That is all.


----------



## M0rbid

....


----------



## My Hearse

Holy ****!! 

Doing nothing has paid off I think guys lol..

I didn't feel like mentioning what happened to me last week because I thought nothing of it. But.....

I met a woman in the gym I frequent.. She is from Dominican Republic. She's 22 years old.. And I didn't initiate anything guys!!!! She just came to me and started asking me questions about workouts and if I can help her. I did... Turns out she doesn't speak any English!!!!!! Lol... So, we basically communicated through google translate lol. Things continue to progress and she starts to act playful, smiles at me a lot and tends to grab my cellphone to translate what she wants to tell me lol.

She soon has to leave and she asks me if I have a vehicle? I tell her no. Asks me how I get to the gym and I tell her that I walk my house is 3 minutes away. She then asks me if I would like to walk her over to the train station. I say sure.. And she literally grabs my arm and we start walking and she asks me questions.. Do you have a girlfriend? A car at your house? Are you a student? I answer and she still seems intrigued about me.. She tells me that she is married and has 1 child lol.. (I tell myself whenever I think I get a good hand at something that freaking hand slaps the **** out of me and puts me back in my place) We soon reach the station and she tells me she will see me Monday and tells me goodbye and kisses the side of my cheek ( farewell thing Hispanics do) 

Today is Monday.. I see her at the gym and she comes to me and greets me and soon after she's on a bike and I'm doing what I'm doing but I notice she keeps looking at me and she approached me and asked for my help with some new exercises.. I help and we start talking (or shall I say translating lol) she tells me how she's not happy in her marriage and she still asks me if I have a girlfriend and I tell her no. She thinks I'm lying lol.. Anyways.. She asks me if I live with my family, what do I do in the mornings.. Etc.. To cut this story shorter.. She asks me to walk her to the train station again and I agree but this time when we walk she tells me she likes me and I tell her I do too lol.. Before saying goodbye she gives me a POP KiSS!!! On the LIPS!! Gentlemen..( no tongue if you're curious) After she did that she keeps asking me why I'm shy LOLOL!! I tell her I'm just a shy guy and she tells me she doesn't like shy lol.. I tell her but you do like me right... She asks me for my cellphone number and she takes it and calls me.. (Luckily there was wifi nearby!! Yay!!) she goes into my phone and enters her name.. Scarlet. She kisses me on the cheek and tells me she will see me tomorrow. 

I walk back to the park and she texts me about an app called whatsapp and if I have it I tell her no and she asks me why lol.. I tell I don't know.. She tells me to download it.. I say okay.. (I still didn't do it) but she still texts me and asks if I'm at home and I tell her I'm still working out.. Hours later she sends me it's late goodnight with kisses and that she will see me tomorrow. 

Omg!!!!!!! I feel so goooood and happy... But I feel soooooo wrong... She's married!! Even if she says she's not happy with her marriage I think this is wrong. I only really wanted a friendship... And I think I've grown quite asexual due to lack of women intimacy and prolonged sexual frustration being quenched by porn. I mean.. She's freaking attractive!! Guys in the gym keep looking at her lol. I'm just trying not to seem to obvious and concentrate on my workout.. But man... I never knew what it felt like to get approached and literally do nothing.. Seriously.. What did I do? But look yoked up and have a semi attractive face I guess. It's funny how I seemed so negative in my other recent posts in this thread and look at what I'm typing now.. Like wtf.. What a 360.. Turn of events.. Ah.. 

I wonder what will happen tomorrow. I keep thinking her husband my might show up and blow my brains out lol.. I need to get her to slow things down.. This feels good seeing as I've literally been dry mouth for over 20+ years with no female contact.. and now have had some kind of rain to quench my thirst. But.. Man.. Ugh.. That husband of hers is pretty serious.. He keeps calling her cellphone every half hour lol.. She looks so aggravated when she picks up.. Ugh... I need to listen to some music and contemplate this over..


----------



## My Hearse

Update. 

Just came home.. 

I decided to not take this further guys..

Before I went to the gym I receive text messages from her asking me if I'm at the gym and what not.. I reply I'll be there in a few and as soon as I enter she immediately is looking at me lol.. I try and act as if I don't see her and do what I came there to do.. Get gains!! I notice she keeps giving me glances.. But I also see a not to regular guy at the gym who speaks Spanish is now with her helping her out with exercises and is accompanying her. I think.. Wow okay.. This was easier than I thought lol. But.. No.. She approaches me ( like god damn.. I always wanted this but now I resent it lol) she asks me why I'm not talking to her. 

I tell her but I am.. (Weakest excuse ever lol) she keeps giving me this whatever smile lol.. After I resume to what I'm doing but she approaches me yet again to accompany her.. I do but then the guy who was speaking with her earlier comes and is all over her and he looks at me... I'm just there standing like okay... They soon talk to each other and I slip away lol.. Get back to my workout and soon she approaches me and tells me bye. I tell her bye back and i see her leaving with the guy. 

Bullet dodged!! I don't know who that guy is but I'm just relieved that this is settled. I just couldn't do it... She's married for freaks sake lol.. And if she's easily talking to other men I wouldn't want a women like that to begin with. 

Welp... It's back to marinating alone and being miserable.. Yay!!


----------



## unpossible

Infinite Isolation said:


> Update.
> 
> Just came home..
> 
> I decided to not take this further guys..
> 
> Before I went to the gym I receive text messages from her asking me if I'm at the gym and what not.. I reply I'll be there in a few and as soon as I enter she immediately is looking at me lol.. I try and act as if I don't see her and do what I came there to do.. Get gains!! I notice she keeps giving me glances.. But I also see a not to regular guy at the gym who speaks Spanish is now with her helping her out with exercises and is accompanying her. I think.. Wow okay.. This was easier than I thought lol. But.. No.. She approaches me ( like god damn.. I always wanted this but now I resent it lol) she asks me why I'm not talking to her.
> 
> I tell her but I am.. (Weakest excuse ever lol) she keeps giving me this whatever smile lol.. After I resume to what I'm doing but she approaches me yet again to accompany her.. I do but then the guy who was speaking with her earlier comes and is all over her and he looks at me... I'm just there standing like okay... They soon talk to each other and I slip away lol.. Get back to my workout and soon she approaches me and tells me bye. I tell her bye back and i see her leaving with the guy.
> 
> Bullet dodged!! I don't know who that guy is but I'm just relieved that this is settled. I just couldn't do it... She's married for freaks sake lol.. And if she's easily talking to other men I wouldn't want a women like that to begin with.
> 
> Welp... It's back to marinating alone and being miserable.. Yay!!


if you don't bang her, someone else will regardless if she's married or not. When reading your post, at first i was like damn son you just missed an opportunity but you used your judgement for good. Props for having self-respect and control. she sounds like a thirsty ho


----------



## SilentRobot

Infinite Isolation said:


> Update.
> 
> Just came home..
> 
> I decided to not take this further guys..
> 
> Before I went to the gym I receive text messages from her asking me if I'm at the gym and what not.. I reply I'll be there in a few and as soon as I enter she immediately is looking at me lol.. I try and act as if I don't see her and do what I came there to do.. Get gains!! I notice she keeps giving me glances.. But I also see a not to regular guy at the gym who speaks Spanish is now with her helping her out with exercises and is accompanying her. I think.. Wow okay.. This was easier than I thought lol. But.. No.. She approaches me ( like god damn.. I always wanted this but now I resent it lol) she asks me why I'm not talking to her.
> 
> I tell her but I am.. (Weakest excuse ever lol) she keeps giving me this whatever smile lol.. After I resume to what I'm doing but she approaches me yet again to accompany her.. I do but then the guy who was speaking with her earlier comes and is all over her and he looks at me... I'm just there standing like okay... They soon talk to each other and I slip away lol.. Get back to my workout and soon she approaches me and tells me bye. I tell her bye back and i see her leaving with the guy.
> 
> Bullet dodged!! I don't know who that guy is but I'm just relieved that this is settled. I just couldn't do it... She's married for freaks sake lol.. And if she's easily talking to other men I wouldn't want a women like that to begin with.
> 
> Welp... It's back to marinating alone and being miserable.. Yay!!


Dude...this literally went from point A to Z in a matter of days ffs. I actually felt bad reading this. Could you not have set your morals aside for one night and just maybe slept with her? I mean it's quite obvious you were never going to have a relationship with her in the first place.

Then again, you don't know what her husband is like or perhaps that guy she was with knows that she wants to play away from home and thinks you're her recipient. You should have dogged into her in whatsapp to find out a little more about her so called unhappy "marriage" but I guess you're right in not wanting to intervene given her flirtatious nature.

But bro, this should motivate you to at least start approaching some girls in the gym them. I mean if you won't do it in uni classes or lectures then what better place to start right? Take this as a lesson learnt (if it even was one lol). You know that girls will dig you so just take a shot lol. I feel like I could probably ask for girls number in a social setting if I was in one right now, but I'd probably chicken out at the last minute. Maybe start listen to more positive songs instead of metal?

BTW. What will you do if you see this woman at the gym again and she tries it with you again? Will you give in or reject her?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Well I called it quits. After not hearing from her for days now I'm moving on. Wonder what happened, but no need to stress myself over it. Just move on.


----------



## SaladDays

im mirin brah


----------



## My Hearse

unpossible said:


> if you don't bang her, someone else will regardless if she's married or not. When reading your post, at first i was like damn son you just missed an opportunity but you used your judgement for good. Props for having self-respect and control. she sounds like a thirsty ho


Exactly! I think she was looking for me to have sex with her but man.. I never reached close to that step and just the thought of her being married and with a child she gave birth to last year (she's in the gym to lose a little of that baby fat from giving birth lol) it just made me really uneasy..

What if the dude she's married with is watching me right now with some gun pointed at me lol.. That increased my SA lol.. I couldn't deal.. But yeah.. I know most guys will kill for a situation like this.. I just didn't think of this as a situation I should put myself in right now.

If she was single!!! Then hell yeah!! We could maybe work something out lol.


----------



## My Hearse

SilentRobot said:


> Dude...this literally went from point A to Z in a matter of days ffs. I actually felt bad reading this. Could you not have set your morals aside for one night and just maybe slept with her? I mean it's quite obvious you were never going to have a relationship with her in the first place.
> 
> Then again, you don't know what her husband is like or perhaps that guy she was with knows that she wants to play away from home and thinks you're her recipient. You should have dogged into her in whatsapp to find out a little more about her so called unhappy "marriage" but I guess you're right in not wanting to intervene given her flirtatious nature.
> 
> But bro, this should motivate you to at least start approaching some girls in the gym them. I mean if you won't do it in uni classes or lectures then what better place to start right? Take this as a lesson learnt (if it even was one lol). You know that girls will dig you so just take a shot lol. I feel like I could probably ask for girls number in a social setting if I was in one right now, but I'd probably chicken out at the last minute. Maybe start listen to more positive songs instead of metal?
> 
> BTW. What will you do if you see this woman at the gym again and she tries it with you again? Will you give in or reject her?


Yeah, you're right. She's definitely not relationship material.. But I never reached the boundaries of initiating sex.. It seems as if she was really interested in me man I mean I never made any approach lol. This is literally unheard of!! But the thought of her husband lurking around watching me, she just giving birth last year, and what if I do have sex and get her pregnant was all running through my mind.. It increased my SA lol.

Yeah, the fact that she barely understood English was another disadvantage we had at communicating lol. My gym hardly has any attractive woman who enters it.. The majority is middle aged - old women who frequent here lol. Only sometimes on a blue moon girls as attractive as the one I'm talking about enters here.. I may need to go to a planet fitness or something bigger but those needs gym memberships that I have no morney for ha.. The gym I go to is a dollar to enter so I'm fine with that.

How dare you man.. Metal is positive. I also listen and o other genres of music so yeah.

Well she did end up sending me a message.

-I found it very strange to me in the gym-

Lol.. I did not reply..

Maybe she has taken the hint.. And I'll have to do nothing as usual.

If she does approach me again I'll just play it cool or try too and simply tell her why. And that we can only be friends.


----------



## SilentRobot

Infinite Isolation said:


> Yeah, you're right. She's definitely not relationship material.. But I never reached the boundaries of initiating sex.. It seems as if she was really interested in me man I mean I never made any approach lol. This is literally unheard of!! But the thought of her husband lurking around watching me, she just giving birth last year, and what if I do have sex and get her pregnant was all running through my mind.. It increased my SA lol.
> 
> Yeah, the fact that she barely understood English was another disadvantage we had at communicating lol. My gym hardly has any attractive woman who enters it.. The majority is middle aged - old women who frequent here lol. Only sometimes on a blue moon girls as attractive as the one I'm talking about enters here.. I may need to go to a planet fitness or something bigger but those needs gym memberships that I have no morney for ha.. The gym I go to is a dollar to enter so I'm fine with that.
> 
> How dare you man.. Metal is positive. I also listen and o other genres of music so yeah.
> 
> Well she did end up sending me a message.
> 
> -I found it very strange to me in the gym-
> 
> Lol.. I did not reply..
> 
> Maybe she has taken the hint.. And I'll have to do nothing as usual.
> 
> If she does approach me again I'll just play it cool or try too and simply tell her why. And that we can only be friends.


True man. You can't be some baby daddy at 22 years of age:lol. But yeah, you never know who or what her husband is or would do either. He could be a gangster who bought her from the Dominican republic as some pretty eye candy. I'm just brainstorming here man lol.

And then maybe try online dating again lool? I don't want to see anymore 'it's been 15 mins and she hasn't replied yet' posts though. :grin2:

And I am extremely sorry about my comments about metal, I know that there are many positive songs about but maybe listen to a bit of K-pop to get your engines running in the build up to any social interactions? (p.s I don't listen to K-pop, I mainly listen to soul music lol)
Think of all this commotion that has gone on as a positive experience. Dude, you friend zoned an attractive woman ffs, I can bet you never thought you'd be doing that ever, right?


----------



## jsgt

The thought of being in a relationship with an awesome woman is nice. The thought of going through all the trouble to find that awesome woman...is enough to keep me from bothering. What a royal pita it is just to find someone who you're compatible with. With 7 billion different personalities on this planet(3.5 billion female or w/e it is), why is it such a pain to find one you mesh with. Ugh...not even trying. We need bar codes with our entire makeup written into them. Walk by a person, scan their bar code, see match, live happily ever after. No BS. Straight to the point.


----------



## Jesuszilla

jsgt said:


> The thought of being in a relationship with an awesome woman is nice. The thought of going through all the trouble to find that awesome woman...is enough to keep me from bothering. What a royal pita it is just to find someone who you're compatible with. With 7 billion different personalities on this planet(3.5 billion female or w/e it is), why is it such a pain to find one you mesh with. Ugh...not even trying. We need bar codes with our entire makeup written into them. Walk by a person, scan their bar code, see match, live happily ever after. No BS. Straight to the point.


Haha that would be good and bad. I hate the current dating scene, but being on dates and getting to know a girl is such a great experience and feeling.


----------



## My Hearse

SilentRobot said:


> True man. You can't be some baby daddy at 22 years of age:lol. But yeah, you never know who or what her husband is or would do either. He could be a gangster who bought her from the Dominican republic as some pretty eye candy. I'm just brainstorming here man lol.
> 
> And then maybe try online dating again lool? I don't want to see anymore 'it's been 15 mins and she hasn't replied yet' posts though. :grin2:
> 
> And I am extremely sorry about my comments about metal, I know that there are many positive songs about but maybe listen to a bit of K-pop to get your engines running in the build up to any social interactions? (p.s I don't listen to K-pop, I mainly listen to soul music lol)
> Think of all this commotion that has gone on as a positive experience. Dude, you friend zoned an attractive woman ffs, I can bet you never thought you'd be doing that ever, right?


Lol! For real.. Haha seriously! 15 minutes rofl.. I'm over that and online dating.

No thanks. I'll never listen to k-pop.

Lol, yeah I guess you're right. It was a weird experience in which I think we were equally zoned out.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> Haha that would be good and bad. I hate the current dating scene, but being on dates and getting to know a girl is such a great experience and feeling.


what happened with your date?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> what happened with your date?


She just dropped from the face of the planet and stopped talking to me. I don't have a clue what happened.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> She just dropped from the face of the planet and stopped talking to me. I don't have a clue what happened.


Eh pretty common with online dating. Pretty sure the same is going to happen with the girl I'm talking right now.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Eh pretty common with online dating. Pretty sure the same is going to happen with the girl I'm talking right now.


I hope not. But this is why I'm not sweating online dating until I actually meet the girl


----------



## gunner21

^ It's such a ****show isn't it?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> ^ It's such a ****show isn't it?


Big time. It's funny things seem to go well, hopes go up and I was even patient with her...oh well.


----------



## JustThisGuy

I asked a SASser to come down and spend a couple days with me. She's showing up tomorrow so I don't have to spend New Years alone. Picking up someone at the airport for the first time ever. Sooo that's my attempt. 

King checked by Rook. Your move.


----------



## My Hearse

JustThisGuy said:


> I asked a SASser to come down and spend a couple days with me. She's showing up tomorrow so I don't have to spend New Years alone. Picking up someone at the airport for the first time ever. Sooo that's my attempt.
> 
> King checked by Rook. Your move.


I have no move.

Goodluck!!


----------



## Jesuszilla

JustThisGuy said:


> I asked a SASser to come down and spend a couple days with me. She's showing up tomorrow so I don't have to spend New Years alone. Picking up someone at the airport for the first time ever. Sooo that's my attempt.
> 
> King checked by Rook. Your move.


Nice. Hope you guys have fun and enjoy the new year


----------



## JustThisGuy

Infinite Isolation said:


> I have no move.
> 
> Goodluck!!


Thanks, man.



Jesuszilla said:


> Nice. Hope you guys have fun and enjoy the new year


Happy New Years to you both. Lots of cool women out there. Just remember, flaws don't always mean red flags, sometimes it's a moment of you taking down your own red flag(s) by accepting that persons flaws.  Look for a best friend. Not somebody who just gets you going. That's easy. Difficulty is when you know things are real. Don't fear the friendzone.

Sorry to sound zen master. I just wanted to give some advice. Wasn't boasting the other day, just wanted to say.

Again, Happy New Year.


----------



## gunner21

Get matched with a girl on tinder. Have some good/funny conversation where I make her laugh and flirt as well. Feeling some chemistry, so I ask for her number at the end of the convo. Unmatched. WTF?


----------



## gunner21

So I've got a date on Tuesday. I'm taking her mini-golfing. Let's hope she doesn't cancel. (I'm totally expecting her to cancel)


----------



## MCHB

gunner21 said:


> So I've got a date on Tuesday. I'm taking her mini-golfing. Let's hope she doesn't cancel. (I'm totally expecting her to cancel)


That's awesome! Hopefully she doesn't cancel and remember to have a great time! Best of luck! :grin2:


----------



## nervouswreck1985

I asked a coworker if she wanted to hang out and she seemed very excited and told me I should go out with her with her friends. As time went on, I asked her again and she said yes again to hanging out with her and her friends. She said her friend canceled the night out and I said ok. I haven't talked to her since. I don't know if I should ask her out for dinner one on one, or if she is a little creeped out at me now, I don't know. If I ask I don't want to look like an idiot. I just need the confidence to do it immediately. She said she wants to hang out with me, but maybe I'm pushing her. I think she has a bit of SAS as well.


----------



## Shawn81

Laying in bed binge watching Duck Tales. I'm sure the ladies will be wanting to join me any minute.


----------



## Charmeleon

Shawn81 said:


> Laying in bed binge watching Duck Tales. I'm sure the ladies will be wanting to join me any minute.


sounds a lot like my friday night. just swap duck tales with courage the cowardly dog lol


----------



## SilentLyric

gunner21 said:


> So I've got a date on Tuesday. I'm taking her mini-golfing. Let's hope she doesn't cancel. (I'm totally expecting her to cancel)


isn't it too cold for that? is it indoors?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> So I've got a date on Tuesday. I'm taking her mini-golfing. Let's hope she doesn't cancel. (I'm totally expecting her to cancel)


I'm praying for you, using witch craft and making a deal with the devil with hopes she doesn't cancel :lol

Hope you guys have a lot of fun, mini-golf for a first date sounds quite fun


----------



## gunner21

SilentLyric said:


> isn't it too cold for that? is it indoors?


Indoors.



Jesuszilla said:


> I'm praying for you, using witch craft and making a deal with the devil with hopes she doesn't cancel :lol
> 
> Hope you guys have a lot of fun, mini-golf for a first date sounds quite fun


Lol thanks man, but that's not the right way to look at it imo. Can't have so much invested in a random girl I barely know. If she cancels, whatever, and she will probably will, considering I got her number from Okcupid.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Indoors.
> 
> Lol thanks man, but that's not the right way to look at it imo. Can't have so much invested in a random girl I barely know. If she cancels, whatever, and she will probably will, considering I got her number from Okcupid.


All jokes aside you have the right mentality. Can't get too tied up with girls online until something materializes. That's why I root for you man, you have everything going for you but the girl.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> All jokes aside you have the right mentality. Can't get too tied up with girls online until something materializes. That's why I root for you man, you have everything going for you but the girl.


Well, except the part about not having a career, living with my parents, having no social life and no confidence.


----------



## SilentLyric

gunner21 said:


> Indoors.


oh, cool, sounds like fun. never been to an indoors one before. good luck on your date.


----------



## My Hearse

gunner21 said:


> Well, except the part about not having a career, living with my parents, having no social life and no confidence.


Lol.

The struggle is real.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I'm not taking dating too seriously right now, but when I do happen to open up a dating app I find myself extremely turned off but the hundreds and hundreds of outgoing girls who like to do a million things. Even I see a profile with a girl at a party or club, I'm turned off. If she says somewhere in her profile she likes to go out a lot, travel, have lots of friends or anything that makes her seem like she is extroverted I'm just so turned off.

It's borderline weird to me how much I don't have the patients (only word I can think of) for someone who isn't introverted and doesn't want to do a million things. It is such a trivial quality to dismiss. Yet when I read those profiles I just see a dozen reasons why it won't work. 

Maybe it's me because I feel like I'm done trying to be social. Sometimes I want to be like Emily Dickinson...you know how they kinda went into seclusion and never came outside or anything.


----------



## Rixy

So...um..I actually set up a dating profile. 

I mean, it's mostly for exposure. Being all like "Hey, look at me!" I messaged a few cuties but I really doubt I'll get much. God knows what the male/female ratio is like.


----------



## Rixy

Welp, I'm depressed already. Where's the ice cream?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rixy said:


> So...um..I actually set up a dating profile.
> 
> I mean, it's mostly for exposure. Being all like "Hey, look at me!" I messaged a few cuties but I really doubt I'll get much. God knows what the male/female ratio is like.


What do you say when you message them? Don't get too attached to online dating very, very few guys have great luck. 10% reply rate is great success in the online dating world


----------



## Rex87

This super anxious f**k been messaging on online dating and texting exes. Sigh...who do I want? My ex to be honest, we shouldn't have broke up in the first place. She can be a very hard to get to though! Seriously don't know what it is......We will see who I get


----------



## Rixy

Jesuszilla said:


> What do you say when you message them? Don't get too attached to online dating very, very few guys have great luck. 10% reply rate is great success in the online dating world


Depends really, usually asking them about their interests and try to stir up some kind of conversation. Sometimes it's hard when they give little to no information.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rixy said:


> Depends really, usually asking them about their interests and try to stir up some kind of conversation. Sometimes it's hard when they give little to no information.


Agreed man. I've become almost as picky as women lol all jokes aside if they don't have much in their profile or just say "ask" I don't message them. If she doesn't take the time to put up a description I won't put in the effort to message her. That probably comes off more bitter than it should have but it's true. I like to get a feel of who I'm gonna message.

Keep doing that it will work way more than just "hey". Online dating sites are decent for exposure. The mistake I've made and plenty of guys have made are taking it so seriously that you lose self-esteem over girls not replying.


----------



## Rixy

Jesuszilla said:


> Agreed man. I've become almost as picky as women lol all jokes aside if they don't have much in their profile or just say "ask" I don't message them. If she doesn't take the time to put up a description I won't put in the effort to message her. That probably comes off more bitter than it should have but it's true. I like to get a feel of who I'm gonna message.
> 
> Keep doing that it will work way more than just "hey". Online dating sites are decent for exposure. The mistake I've made and plenty of guys have made are taking it so seriously that you lose self-esteem over girls not replying.


I just find a lot of the profiles to be samey after a while. "Love to laugh, spend time with friends, have a good time". And I relate to what you were saying a few pages back about girls being overly extroverted. Too bad there aren't any dating sites for nerds


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rixy said:


> I just find a lot of the profiles to be samey after a while. "Love to laugh, spend time with friends, have a good time". And I relate to what you were saying a few pages back about girls being overly extroverted. Too bad there aren't any dating sites for nerds


I think there is a dating site for nerds but it only has like 1000 members and 950 of them are men lol

Glad I'm not the only one who's turned off by the typical "love to laugh, hang out with friends yada yada yada" profiles. In Texas they also seem like to point out they're country girls living in the big city.


----------



## Evo1114

I'm still not doing a single thing. However, I think I might start annoying some nice ladies online. I haven't really paid attention to the online dating scene lately. Maybe somebody cool messaged me (not).


----------



## flarf

organizing my collection of thousands of dank memes into easy to navigate folders... is most basic first step i think


----------



## thetown

it was raining just the other day, and I saw this girl walking by herself without an umbrella above her head. I silently approached her and held my umbrella over the both of us, and she thanked me. I then slow came to the realization that I have gotten -1 girls wet in my life.


----------



## unpossible

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm not taking dating too seriously right now, but when I do happen to open up a dating app I find myself extremely turned off but the hundreds and hundreds of outgoing girls who like to do a million things. Even I see a profile with a girl at a party or club, I'm turned off. If she says somewhere in her profile she likes to go out a lot, travel, have lots of friends or anything that makes her seem like she is extroverted I'm just so turned off.
> 
> It's borderline weird to me how much I don't have the patients (only word I can think of) for someone who isn't introverted and doesn't want to do a million things. It is such a trivial quality to dismiss. Yet when I read those profiles I just see a dozen reasons why it won't work.
> 
> Maybe it's me because I feel like I'm done trying to be social. Sometimes I want to be like Emily Dickinson...you know how they kinda went into seclusion and never came outside or anything.


i know how you feel. it seems like people are doing everything and guys like us are just slowly eroding with nothing to show.

however, the reality is totally different. Most people do jack $h1t but pretend to be outgoing, adventurous and full of life. they are full of $h1t. don't be intimated, majority of these ho's got nothing going on in their lives, they crave attention and validation.



gunner21 said:


> Well, except the part about not having a career, living with my parents, having no social life and no confidence.


lol :frown2:


----------



## gunner21

So the date was decent. Spent like 3 hours talking and drinking and then an hour bowling. No kiss or anything though. Does that count as a fail?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> So the date was decent. Spent like 3 hours talking and drinking and then an hour bowling. No kiss or anything though. Does that count as a fail?


It's not a fail if she had fun and still wants to talk to you/see you again. Sounds like a pretty good time.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> It's not a fail if she had fun and still wants to talk to you/see you again. Sounds like a pretty good time.


I mean, I think I did good (for me). Kept her engaged for almost 4 hours which is a huge deal, but it was way too weird to flirt etc. I need to know the person well to flirt, just seems too weird otherwise. I don't know if it was good enough. Oh well, we'll see.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

I think the question should be "what are girls doing to get me?"


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> I mean, I think I did good (for me). Kept her engaged for almost 4 hours which is a huge deal, but it was way too weird to flirt etc. I need to know the person well to flirt, just seems too weird otherwise. I don't know if it was good enough. Oh well, we'll see.


Well, did you like her?



visualkeirockstar said:


> I think the question should be "what are girls doing to get me?"


hahah


----------



## gunner21

Asked for a second date and she hasn't replied for 2 days. I guess it's over.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^sorry to hear that man. Yeah 2 days is not a good sign


----------



## gunner21

Still nothing. Guess I wasn't attractive enough. 

Here's the thing about self improvement: I know that I'm not good enough to date as is, and I know I have to improve, but It's going to take me years to get to that level (getting my own place and a career) and by that time it'll be too late. Can you seriously imagine a grown woman going for a guy who's 28 and never had a gf? I can't. I've also realized that women become become more picky (in terms of a partner) as they get older. Maybe they know what they can/can't work with. I've also realized women my age are looking to "settle down" and prefer men who are older and have their career set and are independent in the truest sense and I can't really compete with that. Not really sure what to do. Guess I'll be single forever.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Still nothing. Guess I wasn't attractive enough.
> 
> Here's the thing about self improvement: I know that I'm not good enough to date as is, and I know I have to improve, but It's going to take me years to get to that level (getting my own place and a career) and by that time it'll be too late. Can you seriously imagine a grown woman going for a guy who's 28 and never had a gf? I can't. I've also realized that women become become more picky (in terms of a partner) as they get older. Maybe they know what they can/can't work with. I've also realized women my age are looking to "settle down" and prefer men who are older and have their career set and are independent in the truest sense and I can't really compete with that. Not really sure what to do. Guess I'll be single forever.


Sadly I couldn't agree more with you gunner. That's an issue I face as well. I'm on pace to having my degree by 27/28. That doesn't include finding a career, paying off any debts, buying my own home/moving out with my mom and whatever else men who aren't in our position are doing.

The optimist in me will always hope for the best for you man. I highly doubt every woman wants to settle down at your age (I believe you said you're 24). If I had a way to help you, I would in a second. But all I can think of at the moment are a bunch of cliche advice you've heard a billion times. Keep your head up man.


----------



## Srylance

Online dating is a good place to start, though i had mild success only after months of using the stuff. Hah, that kinda made it sound like a drug, which it kinda is, i find myself awfully often browsing the apps. It's really hard to find a girl who'll take you serious on there, and if you do guys. Be careful! Don't go crazy in your head and rush things, i ****ed a potential girlfriend up, by having been to fast and to pushy. I'm still angry at myself sometimes, remember keep it cool at all times. 

Though i have to say, even getting a "like" means nothing. Conversation with girls who liked me was often very dull and one sided. They just didn't make an effort, and i wonder how they expect to win a guy like this. Much rejection as well of course, though this online stuff gave me the courage to ask a girl out in real life! I got turned down of course, but it wasn't as scary as i thought. Just be polite and friendly, and take your loss as a gentlemen. I'm gonna do it again when i feel another opportunity presents itself, online dating helped me develop at least some skills in talking with girls.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I hate when little moments that doesn't actually matter makes me feel like I should jump back into dating. I'm at work and a very cute co-worker of mine made is clear as day she dyed her hair. Fishing for compliments I was assuming, but maybe there is something about women wanting to be noticed I am missing.

Anyway, he flaunting her hair around, looking quite sexy honestly had me wanting to make a move. I didn't because work place relationships aren't my thing. But still had me thinking to check a dating site. Or something to get myself back in the game KNOWING I'm a woman's worst dating nightmare.


----------



## Evo1114

I'm trying to figure out how to make Tinder work. I got somebody to reply once, but I quickly bored her away by asking her normal people questions. So when I've tried being funny instead, no responses at all. 

I'm pretty certain it doesn't work. I still can't see how it's even possible. I don't understand how people would even know what to say to people.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Evo1114 said:


> I'm trying to figure out how to make Tinder work. I got somebody to reply once, but I quickly bored her away by asking her normal people questions. So when I've tried being funny instead, no responses at all.
> 
> I'm pretty certain it doesn't work. I still can't see how it's even possible. I don't understand how people would even know what to say to people.


How do people find relationships on Tinder. On one hand I guess you can give it credit for cutting the bulls*** they know people go by looks first (in many cases that's all they go for) so swiping is very easy.

On the other hand, women still have the same expectations of other dating sites so even though they often have nothing on their profiles at most what school they went to or job they have...what do you message them? Women on tinder still hate when guys send them messages about their looks on there.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Does it take anyone else a lot of time to message a girl online? I'm in that weird period again where I cannot get myself to send any girl a message.


----------



## gunner21

Update: The girl got back to me. Apparently she left her phone at home before leaving for work. She wants to meet again though.

Also, another girl who's in an open relationship messaged me on OKC. We've already established a nice connection and been talking non-stop for 3 days. Made semi-plans to meet, but seems fishy. Just seems too easy. Usually you have to jump through a lot of hoops just to get them talking. Am I being catfished?


----------



## k_wifler

Heeeyyy bert, I resemble that remark, I'm 28 and never kissed a girl.
I'm not going to end up a 30yo virgin though, cuz ya know what?
If I'm not in a great relationship by then, I'm gonna cause total mayhem and get shot by a cop!!
Definitely won't be a virgin after age 30... NO SIR.
I've had this ultimatum with myself for more than ten years, never gonna give it up, hopefully I won't ever have to execute it...

That's a great motivation to try harder to get my act together and start figuring out this whole friendship thing.

If there's any women reading this, I'm totally ready for you, except you'll have to teach me everything about being a boyfriend and not be mean about it.
Instant rags-to-riches story, waiting for one woman, disability and hopelessness, to almost instant riches, house, car, job, nice things. I'm serious, and you'll never believe me, so why do I even try?

To get a girl, I'm.. Actually, most women around here are horrible, so I try to be as genuine as possible and admit my darkest sins right away so as to scare any bad women away. Those who accept me may then proceed to stage two. Good Luck Contestants!


----------



## SilentLyric

Jesuszilla said:


> I hate when little moments that doesn't actually matter makes me feel like I should jump back into dating. I'm at work and a very cute co-worker of mine made is clear as day she dyed her hair. Fishing for compliments I was assuming, but maybe there is something about women wanting to be noticed I am missing.
> 
> Anyway, he flaunting her hair around, looking quite sexy honestly had me wanting to make a move. *I didn't because work place relationships aren't my thing.* But still had me thinking to check a dating site. Or something to get myself back in the game KNOWING I'm a woman's worst dating nightmare.


I would prefer not to deal with it, but for me, when I like someone, I like someone. and it's not like I meet many people, but I see the same coworkers almost every day. probably stupid to think I'm sure, but whatever. I'm going to continue with work crushing, and that's that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

SilentLyric said:


> I would prefer not to deal with it, but for me, when I like someone, I like someone. and it's not like I meet many people, but I see the same coworkers almost every day. probably stupid to think I'm sure, but whatever. I'm going to continue with work crushing, and that's that.


I don't crush hard. I find a lot of women attractive and don't really talk to anyone at work so I barely know her to really say she's a crush or anything. I move on pretty quick in such situations.

My weakness if it is a weakness is when I do want a girl I go all in. I put ask my eggs in one basket because I don't like meeting new people so coming across a girl who I connect with is a pretty big deal. By going all in I don't mean I become a pathetic doormat btw.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## k_wifler

I treat everyone the same, according to how they treat me. I would never treat a girl better than other girls until after we've both formally stated how we feel and what we want.
Sure, I will chat with a girl online, but I'm not going to say hugs and kisses until we've gone out at least once and she's given me that girlfriend look.
People in my area treat each other so badly that most women think I'm putting on the charm, when I'm just being nice. Should I move to Kentucky?
Also, of course, only one at a time. My grandma was a man shopper, and my grandpa had to put her under house arrest for their entire marriage. It was ridiculous.


----------



## Jesuszilla

My undesirability has been getting to me lately. For a while things were kinda mellowing out for me and my lack of anything women find desirable. Now I'm back to feeling that ugly freak women hate with a burning passion.

I've been such a recluse because I feel like every woman I interact with just wants me to burn and die. Friday after work as I was leaving, I talked to a girl while waiting for the elevator and I got vibes from her that she feared I was gonna rape or attack her something crazy like that. Wish I knew why I felt like women see me as a threat.


----------



## k_wifler

Jesuszilla said:


> My undesirability has been getting to me lately. For a while things were kinda mellowing out for me and my lack of anything women find desirable. Now I'm back to feeling that ugly freak women hate with a burning passion.
> 
> I've been such a recluse because I feel like every woman I interact with just wants me to burn and die. Friday after work as I was leaving, I talked to a girl while waiting for the elevator and I got vibes from her that she feared I was gonna rape or attack her something crazy like that. Wish I knew why I felt like women see me as a threat.


Dude, you aren't ugly. A lotta chicks I know like'em big like you. Come over to my psychiatrist's chair and let's get to the root of this negative self talk...
You smile, right? And you don't hang your shoulders too far forward when you talk, right? You stand up or sit up straight and don't play hand games, right? You have lots of gang symbols and stuff on you? One thing that makes women who are scared of you less scared is to open up a little, tell them you're having a bad day and use emotion words. That lets them know you're a sensitive guy.


----------



## Jesuszilla

My negative self talk is from negative experiences...why else would I feel the way I do?


----------



## apx24

I don't know what to do?

Self improve? Get a job? Talk to girls at the SA meetups I go to? Join a dating site? Even if I chose to find a girlfriend, I would not know what to do or say.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I have a sexy co-worker who I swear is trying to get attention or just likes turning me on (so I'd like to believe). So she recently went on about how she's died her hair and then today she came into work wearing tight pink pants that fitted her a*s perfectly. She's so sexy, and the most I can do is talk to her casually because well no way she'd be into me. But I'm not gonna lie SAS, every chance I get I get a peak of her. She's got a face and body to die for.


----------



## gunner21

I think I've figured out why I struggle with girls. I'm boring. That's the reason. I'm no fun, and if there's one thing that's really unattractive is a boring person. Not really sure how to fix this though.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> I think I've figured out why I struggle with girls. I'm boring. That's the reason. I'm no fun, and if there's one thing that's really unattractive is a boring person. Not really sure how to fix this though.


You and me both. I feel like I have the added hurdle of the fact that I am okay with my boring self...I just know that my personality won't be bringing any women my way.

Oddly enough being told I'm boring is something my ex used to tell me all the time as well. So I know I'm not being hard on myself.

It feels like a catch 22. One one hand I strongly believe on being yourself and only changing if you want to change. On the other hand, I also try to be realistic and as someone with a brother who is pretty much opposite of myself (good looking, outgoing, charismatic, funny) I know that there are traits a vast majority of women want in a man that I don't possess.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> You and me both. I feel like I have the added hurdle of the fact that I am okay with my boring self...I just know that my personality won't be bringing any women my way.
> 
> Oddly enough being told I'm boring is something my ex used to tell me all the time as well. So I know I'm not being hard on myself.
> 
> It feels like a catch 22. One one hand I strongly believe on being yourself and only changing if you want to change. On the other hand, I also try to be realistic and as someone with a brother who is pretty much opposite of myself (good looking, outgoing, charismatic, funny) I know that there are traits a vast majority of women want in a man that I don't possess.


That's funny because my sorta semi-ex told me the same thing. That she was kinda bored with me and wanted a change (reason for getting into a relationship with another guy). ****ty thing is, I don't know what to do about it.


----------



## Rex87

Before I post what I'm doing to get the girl i just have to say, I'm boring too Gunner. In my case I just say to myself what can I do....just a boring homebody who now has bad sa, it happens...And it sucks ***, the bad sa part.

I'm still doing the online dating thing... its been a rough go since November. I lost count how many numbers I got. I think I may have something now. Got 2 numbers and a kik this week. I think I lost the kik though. I either bored her to death or she got pissed because I said "lol I knew you would answer like that." Now if she got mad at that it like come on! Jeez people can be so damn sensitive! I asked where was this town was and she said Louisiana. Yeah no ****ing **** I thought to myself. She just told me a message ago she was from Louisiana. So I replied with the lol text because her replies were one word or very short. So yeah if she got pissed by my lol text its like come on! I should of told her what I was really thinking like I did here.

So now I just got to just continue talking and texting these two. And go from there. Hopefully I have one of them sometime in February. Lol good timing for me....but I can be pretty romantic so it will be nice. Nothing I love more is to make a woman feel special.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> Before I post what I'm doing to get the girl i just have to say, I'm boring too Gunner. In my case I just say to myself what can I do....just a boring homebody who now has bad sa, it happens...And it sucks ***, the bad sa part.
> 
> I'm still doing the online dating thing... its been a rough go since November. I lost count how many numbers I got. I think I may have something now. Got 2 numbers and a kik this week. I think I lost the kik though. I either bored her to death or she got pissed because I said "lol I knew you would answer like that." Now if she got mad at that it like come on! Jeez people can be so damn sensitive! I asked where was this town was and she said Louisiana. Yeah no ****ing **** I thought to myself. She just told me a message ago she was from Louisiana. So I replied with the lol text because her replies were one word or very short. So yeah if she got pissed by my lol text its like come on! I should of told her what I was really thinking like I did here.
> 
> So now I just got to just continue talking and texting these two. And go from there. Hopefully I have one of them sometime in February. Lol good timing for me....but I can be pretty romantic so it will be nice. Nothing I love more is to make a woman feel special.


How long to do wait before setting up a date when online dating?


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> How long to do wait before setting up a date when online dating?


Its usually one week to over a month. I like to talk to her a good bit, and really get to know her before actually meeting. That way we are very comfortable, and even very into one another prior to meeting in person. My goal is to set up a meet/date the 2nd week of February.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> Its usually one week to over a month. I like to talk to her a good bit, and really get to know her before actually meeting. That way we are very comfortable, and even very into one another prior to meeting in person. My goal is to set up a meet/date the 2nd week of February.


Good luck. I personally try to set a date up asap but with SA I know time is needed to get relaxed. 2nd week of Feb seems kinda long but as long as one of the girls stick around that's good


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> Good luck. I personally try to set a date up asap but with SA I know time is needed to get relaxed. 2nd week of Feb seems kinda long but as long as one of the girls stick around that's good


Thanks. Yeah meeting asap or too soon doesn't work for me especially now with sa. I did once(probably like 3 days of texting) and lol I never talked to that girl again. The quickest I did besides that one was a week and that was with the love of my life(so far), we just 'clicked' right away. All the others I dated it was pretty much 2 weeks or more of texting and talking before meeting. I know meeting right away works for some but yeah not me. And you're right, I do risk her getting swept away by some other guy but believe it or not that actually hasn't happened much to me(I know once for sure it did) with any girl that was serious about me.


----------



## gunner21

I give up...


----------



## Jesuszilla

What happened @gunner21


----------



## gunner21

Just tired man. So damn tired of all the rejections. Had a date on wednesday and I thought we along really well. I mean, we spent 6 hours together. I asked for a second date and she said she doesn't find me physically attractive. 

I'm just so sick of this. Just want to give up.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Just tired man. So damn tired of all the rejections. Had a date on wednesday and I thought we along really well. I mean, we spent 6 hours together. I asked for a second date and she said she doesn't find me physically attractive.
> 
> I'm just so sick of this. Just want to give up.


See I too would think spending 6 hours with a girl would be a huge sign. Feel you 100% on being tired of this whole dating game.


----------



## k_wifler

gunner21 said:


> Just tired man. So damn tired of all the rejections. Had a date on wednesday and I thought we along really well. I mean, we spent 6 hours together. I asked for a second date and she said she doesn't find me physically attractive.
> 
> I'm just so sick of this. Just want to give up.


In some social groups of naive girls, you have to watch out, because there are "player dominated female populations" where, being physically attracted means that you used player moves on her, and trust me when I tell you, a man (sometimes even a woman) who uses player moves within the first half hour is instantly attractive to 90% of women. That doesn't mean it's right or good. It's just biology.
Women develop a group sexuality. Women who grow up thinking about marriage become more likely to get with and stay with a man who wants to get married. Men are more carnal than that, they can't easily be programmed to like xyz. Women who grow up thinking about romance tend to need romance to get turned on, whereas a farm girl who grew up around cattle and pigs won't need much... Farm animals have sex a lot more than Disney characters do.

I'm not boring. I am very interested in being boring, but I'm too messed up to maintain a single personality all the time...

What a lot of women mean when they say you're boring is that you don't know the moves. You don't know that women have clocks that you have to synchronize yourself to. A lot of SA guys tend to be extremely self absorbed. It's a defense mechanism. The problem is, if you think about your problems, you reflect them back at yourself over and over and over. That's when you "stew" over your problems. If you have ever had meat that has been stewing for 5-8 hours, you will know it's very tender and soft just like you.

People keep telling me I should write a book on this stuff, but you know what? I'm not going to. I tried everything else, and the thing that worked best for me was to post that I'm single on this forum. Life's random like that I guess.


----------



## IlikeGuiness

This guy just made it extremely complicated, if a date didn't work out it didn't work out, if a girl tells me I'm not physically attractive to her then cool I accept that move an keep doing me until another potential mate comes around. It's definitely more stress to deal with the rejections, but all we really have is hope just to keep on keeping on.


----------



## apx24

gunner21 said:


> I think I've figured out why I struggle with girls. I'm boring. That's the reason. I'm no fun, and if there's one thing that's really unattractive is a boring person. Not really sure how to fix this though.


Same here, I just can't a hobby that really interests me.


----------



## Rixy

I'm not sure whether to bother trying. I really doubt that girls are interested in a guy who needs medication and therapy to stay afloat. Not to mention that I'm only barely past a suicidal episode that I had last year. Especially when there's a ton of guys who don't have those problems.


----------



## SuperSaiyanGod

Nothing. It seems that I'm waiting for them to make the first (obvious) move. Since this hasn't happened before, I'm not really expecting anything.


----------



## jsgt

Rixy said:


> Especially when there's a ton of guys who don't have those problems.


This is something I struggle with as well. They might _think_ they like me, but they'll eventually realize that I'm not what they thought and will then move on to someone else. This isn't just a defeatist attitude...it's just being realistic. Why bother in the first place...


----------



## Jesuszilla

I forgot how much women hate men they see as weak. The level of disrespect they have is uncanny. At first it's hard to tell because they don't speak with the same vitriol you'd expect. It's the subtle insults, the way they talk about you etc that I'm talking about.


----------



## JustThisGuy

I'm mailing a package of Valentine stuff. :/ Hopefully we'll see each other soon.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Not much honestly.


----------



## TAruba

I contacted a former girlfriend who I haven't talked to in years due to anxiety. I asked her out and I am meeting her this weekend to see where the date takes us. 

I am a lot less nervous than I expected. Probably because we had an intimate and close relationship so I'm not scared of "messing up," around her. But at the same time, we both are going to have to feel each other out a bit and see if we both still have that spark. Actually I know we have a spark but I want to make a fire, I am a man yeah! 0 In the past she always gets real close to me and looks right into my eyes and just keeps smiling at me. She has always given me subtle hints about when to make a move but I tend to be anxious and naive so I miss the signals.

So my goal is to make a move. I don't want to waste her time or my time dancing around waiting to see if "she likes me?" I want her to be clear that I am serious about her and whether or not she still is about me.

Please, Any thoughts or advice on that situation would be appreciated. Thank you.


Also:

I've started rigorously training with kettlebells and keeping a tight leash on all aspects of my life to stay stable and medication helps that too. 

Most importantly I became happy and hopeful again


----------



## Scrub-Zero

I set up dates and go on them hoping somekind of miracle happens during two hours of awkward conversations.


----------



## My Hearse

Nothing. 

I gave up on trying a long time ago.


----------



## SilkyJay

Scrub-Zero said:


> I set up dates and go on them hoping somekind of miracle happens during two hours of awkward conversations.


not sure why this made me laugh. Hey atleast you do that. Cudo's to that. Trying myself to get out there more. Signed up for my first dating site not to long ago. I'm hesitant to log on though for some reason. I have one girl messaging me and well, yeah she has no clue how ****ing weird this damaged bag of goodies is.


----------



## Scrub-Zero

SilkyJay said:


> not sure why this made me laugh. Hey atleast you do that. Cudo's to that. Trying myself to get out there more. Signed up for my first dating site not to long ago. I'm hesitant to log on though for some reason. I have one girl messaging me and well, yeah she has no clue how ****ing weird this damaged bag of goodies is.


It really is awkward sometimes. Like long uncomfortable silences and strange things said by me lol. Somehow not one of them have got up and left before the date was over, so that makes me proud of myself. You always hear stories of that happening and it's a little scary. How embarrassing.

Anyway you should try to go on a date with that girl. Just go at it half serious, like practice and do your best. You might actually have a good time.


----------



## Overdrive

Nothing at the moment due to anxiety.


----------



## M0rbid

Its basically job interviews for men..... who likes interviews???? Id rather stay home and scratch my balls.


----------



## TAruba

M0rbid said:


> Its basically job interviews for men..... who likes interviews???? Id rather stay home and scratch my balls.


I disagree. I just try to have fun and get to know a woman. Scratching your genitals will be of no benefit to you.


----------



## SilkyJay

Scrub-Zero said:


> It really is awkward sometimes. Like long uncomfortable silences and strange things said by me lol. Somehow not one of them have got up and left before the date was over, so that makes me proud of myself. You always hear stories of that happening and it's a little scary. How embarrassing.
> 
> Anyway you should try to go on a date with that girl. Just go at it half serious, like practice and do your best. You might actually have a good time.


Ohh man I'd be terrified of them leaving. Good job on that, seriously.  those long silences are natural really though. We just feel like we always need to be yapping.

What did Uma Thurman say again??? 




but you might have something here with my situation. It would be cool to get and out and talk with someone, espeically a female. lol She seems really interested, and well I didn't message her for 2 and a half weeks and she was really cool about it.

I don't know. we'lll see. I need to log on, but I don't want to log on and have her see I logged on and not end up messaging her. **** me, yeah I need to just go for it.


----------



## pied vert

gunner21 said:


> That's funny because my sorta semi-ex told me the same thing. That she was kinda bored with me and wanted a change (reason for getting into a relationship with another guy). ****ty thing is, I don't know what to do about it.


awww, I really hope I can say something insightful here. This is someone who has been deemed boring many, many times, and also someone who has turned down guys that otherwise were _very _attractive because they seemed kind of... boring.

I think anyone, even guys, would not be able to get into girls they thought were boring either.

I guess I feel like I have a good idea of what determines how "interesting" someone is to me - it's a very specific, measurable thing. And that thing is _how much do you depend on me_? By this, I mean how much of your day, time, mental energy, and happiness depends on me. It is attractive to be with someone that has interests (if not passions): things that define them, that make you curious about them, that make you kind of want to compete for their time. If this person finds someone they like, and say "YES goal accomplished, I can become complacent now" that kind of translates to this person not having much depth. You're their be-all. If you define _them,_ then what do _you_ need them for?

Not saying this applies to you, but this has been a pattern I've noticed.

Passions are sexy asf. It is also just plain healthy for anyone to have interests that don't depend on other people.


----------



## monotonous

getting a race change surgery


----------



## vicente

M0rbid said:


> Its basically job interviews for men..... who likes interviews???? Id rather stay home and scratch my balls.


It's to see if you're mutual matches for each other. If she makes you super nervous even after like four dates, then she isn't the one for you. Her not responding would be her putting you out of your SA misery.

Two days ago I f**ked up a Tinder date because at the end of the second date as I was about to go in for a hug, I saw her glance down at my lips. Too late. I hugged her good night. I bet she felt rejected by me for not kissing her. In a way she must have felt like she failed the "interview".

(BTW M0rbid since you care, I'm "Asian" and the girl was White)


----------



## TAruba

I just had a great date, I delivered. A couple kisses and a lot of touch. My b-day is Tuesday so she insisted on giving me a massage at her place then. Her and I are both massage therapists, so I said, "hell no baby girl," I have Tuesday off work but you have to work all day, I'm going to be the one giving you a massage we compromised to exchange massages. 

We've exchanged massage before, the difference now is things are heating up between us. Having been a professional, there are certains standards to maintain as far as not getting sexual when giving a massage. Even though my hands could be a secret weapon, I try to use them for good, not evil.

Talking with her today she was pretty forward with her intentions with me. I'm sure that I can take the date however far I am comfortable with. So For the upcoming date all I have to do is show up and make sure we both have a good time. easy peasy.


----------



## Jesuszilla

@TAruba that is awesome man. And damn what a birthday. I hope to hear more good news after Tuesday!


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

pied vert said:


> awww, I really hope I can say something insightful here. This is someone who has been deemed boring many, many times, and also someone who has turned down guys that otherwise were _very _attractive because they seemed kind of... boring.
> 
> I think anyone, even guys, would not be able to get into girls they thought were boring either.
> 
> I guess I feel like I have a good idea of what determines how "interesting" someone is to me - it's a very specific, measurable thing. And that thing is _how much do you depend on me_? By this, I mean how much of your day, time, mental energy, and happiness depends on me. It is attractive to be with someone that has interests (if not passions): things that define them, that make you curious about them, that make you kind of want to compete for their time. If this person finds someone they like, and say "YES goal accomplished, I can become complacent now" that kind of translates to this person not having much depth. You're their be-all. If you define _them,_ then what do _you_ need them for?
> 
> Not saying this applies to you, but this has been a pattern I've noticed.
> 
> Passions are sexy asf. It is also just plain healthy for anyone to have interests that don't depend on other people.


You've pretty much summarized why I don't have a gf currently and more than likely won't in the future.

It's "interesting" and "goal-driven" people who are the creme of the crop and worth something by society's standards after all, right? No use wasting your time on the "rotters"..


----------



## Jesuszilla

pied vert said:


> awww, I really hope I can say something insightful here. This is someone who has been deemed boring many, many times, and also someone who has turned down guys that otherwise were _very _attractive because they seemed kind of... boring.
> 
> I think anyone, even guys, would not be able to get into girls they thought were boring either.
> 
> I guess I feel like I have a good idea of what determines how "interesting" someone is to me - it's a very specific, measurable thing. And that thing is _how much do you depend on me_? By this, I mean how much of your day, time, mental energy, and happiness depends on me. It is attractive to be with someone that has interests (if not passions): things that define them, that make you curious about them, that make you kind of want to compete for their time. If this person finds someone they like, and say "YES goal accomplished, I can become complacent now" that kind of translates to this person not having much depth. You're their be-all. If you define _them,_ then what do _you_ need them for?
> 
> Not saying this applies to you, but this has been a pattern I've noticed.
> 
> Passions are sexy asf. It is also just plain healthy for anyone to have interests that don't depend on other people.


I have interests and goals but that doesn'tchange the fact that I'm boring mofo


----------



## pied vert

hesitation marks said:


> You've pretty much summarized why I don't have a gf currently and more than likely won't in the future.
> 
> It's "interesting" and "goal-driven" people who are the creme of the crop and worth something by society's standards after all, right? No use wasting your time on the "rotters"..


not everything desired by general society inherently sucks/is shallow.
forget romance, it is difficult to want to be someone's friend if they are blank on the inside.


----------



## pied vert

Jesuszilla said:


> I have interests and goals but that doesn'tchange the fact that I'm boring mofo


the rest is probably trouble communicating those interests to other people, as it goes with SA. but no matter what, you can know you're not boring.


----------



## pied vert

hesitation marks said:


> You've pretty much summarized why I don't have a gf currently and more than likely won't in the future.
> 
> It's "interesting" and "goal-driven" people who are the creme of the crop and worth something by society's standards after all, right? No use wasting your time on the "rotters"..


just so you know, I try to improve myself by these standards as well. I don't just sit there on the receiving end and say "make yourself interesting to me". I know I'm only attractive if I take responsibility for my own happiness. I don't even focus on _showing _other people that I'm making all these efforts - people will and should notice naturally. It's been working for me, and I find myself a lot happier because 1) i'm discovering things about myself, 2) my happiness will depend less on the whims of people


----------



## Jesuszilla

Last time I felt anything note worthy was a girl who kept on canceling on my last minute. Eventually, she wasn't worth the effort no matter how nice she played after every excuse. It's cool but since then if a girl messaged me back they have all been so uninterested in me. For one they take forever to reply back, even if they're not working or busy. Then they have nothing to say ever. It's to the point I wonder why even give me your number if you have no interest in me?

My non-online dating ventures have not been going well. There's a very hot girl at work I've been talking too. She's cool but I already know we don't click enough to where if we were in a relationship it would work out. Nice to talk too, but we have little in common other than a handful of shows.


----------



## Maverick34

Looking in SAS. I don't see a future with someone who isn't dealing with/hasn't dealt with similar issues as me


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

pied vert said:


> not everything desired by general society inherently sucks/is shallow.
> forget romance, it is difficult to want to be someone's friend if they are blank on the inside.


But it doesn't make them any less worthy than you or anyone else who practices those things of love and companionship. I really don't see how society's values fashioned as they are around rigid doctrine can be allowed to undermine basic human needs the moment you stray from that given model. It almost appears as though you would refuse to acknowledge somebody else's right to pursue happiness simply because they deviate from some pre-constructed idea of what's "normal", whatever that may happen to be. In this case it's the idea that in order to be considered romantically worthwhile to the vast majority of people, you need to be goal-oriented and have certain interests that you pursue with vigour and fortitude. It might seem like a strange question to you, but why do we need to be goal-oriented to have value as a potential romantic partner?



pied vert said:


> just so you know, I try to improve myself by these standards as well. I don't just sit there on the receiving end and say "make yourself interesting to me". I know I'm only attractive if I take responsibility for my own happiness. I don't even focus on _showing _other people that I'm making all these efforts - people will and should notice naturally. It's been working for me, and I find myself a lot happier because 1) i'm discovering things about myself, 2) my happiness will depend less on the whims of people


I have no doubt you do. That wasn't the point I was trying to make. At any rate, I agree with you about taking responsibility for your own happiness, it's just I wanted to balance out your point of view by making a point of my own.


----------



## EchoIX

There's this cute Jewish girl in my kickboxing class that I find really really attractive. She's short and just a little chunky and I think she's just effing hot. Don't know what I'd say to her, and considering she sees taller, hot and buff dudes at the gym all the time, I may as well be a dumpy troll by comparison thus so far I've said nothing.

At the same time, I really want to say something because I just want to take a chance. But I have no idea on how to go about it. It would be super awkward just walking up to her and saying "Oh hey, I think you're cute." That and she's always there with a friend, (who BTW, isn't an eyesore either.) Do I gradually try talking to her throughout the class, and eventually speak up? It just seems like I'd be scheming or something. Last thing I want is to come off like some sort of skeevy stalker-dude, because I happen to enjoy the class (and don't want to get kicked out) and I love the gym and don't want things to be all awkward there.

Any ideas?


----------



## TAruba

EchoIX said:


> There's this cute Jewish girl in my kickboxing class that I find really really attractive. She's short and just a little chunky and I think she's just effing hot. Don't know what I'd say to her, and considering she sees taller, hot and buff dudes at the gym all the time, I may as well be a dumpy troll by comparison thus so far I've said nothing.
> 
> At the same time, I really want to say something because I just want to take a chance. But I have no idea on how to go about it. It would be super awkward just walking up to her and saying "Oh hey, I think you're cute." That and she's always there with a friend, (who BTW, isn't an eyesore either.) Do I gradually try talking to her throughout the class, and eventually speak up? It just seems like I'd be scheming or something. Last thing I want is to come off like some sort of skeevy stalker-dude, because I happen to enjoy the class (and don't want to get kicked out) and I love the gym and don't want things to be all awkward there.
> 
> Any ideas?


Can you guys be sparring partners? I'm a small dude so I get paired against women a lot in grappling. That is a natural way to start a conversation, after practice when you guys are cooling down.

I would not advise the "hi I think you're cute" approach. That is what you think no doubt, but remember that she is a person, not a display.

Just start talking to her about kickboxing and life.

"This is a really great class, What do you think of the gym?"
"Do you have any plans right now, I'd like like to practice a little more to work on my body mechanics/right hook/whatever, would you like to practice with me?"

Look her in the eyes and smile, That is how you say, "I think you are cute," eyes and body language. Feel free to compliment her appearance when it is natural.

You have nothing to lose. Nothing bad will happen. You two already have rapport and regardless of if she has some other relationships it doesn't affect you. If you two are checking eachother out, It already started, just keep going.

Come up with some more of your own ideas to make sure the conversation keeps going, be prepared to actually talk with her, not at her. Ask questions and listen to her, you might lose interest after talking to her anyways. Stop wasting time, talk to her and then move on with her or the next girl.

Good luck.


----------



## Maverick34

Putting my heart in full view


----------



## TAruba

Buckyx said:


> waiting till they make the first step then I will reject, just wanna how it it feels


not cool at all.

me,
I just had another great date with the same woman. She gave me a massage and then we talked and just cuddled up together and talked for a coupler hours. i went in for the kiss again and it all was good. She and I both have busy weeks, so I'm going to wait until next week to set up a date. I don't think either of us are in a hurry.


----------



## Jesuszilla

As a guy it's better to learn to show interest first. Waiting on women or expecting women to be the aggressor is such a terrible idea. I know it sucks because it's hard as hell to do so with anxiety, but your dating chances are actually possible when you are the initiator. 

True there are woman who make a move, but they are so few and far between that it's not worth it. 

For as bad as my dating life is, I am glad I have enough guts to make a move. Hate passing up on opportunities and they are often extremely small for women.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Not much honestly, tried Tinder for 5 months during the summer and fall but I just got tired of it.

I have a semi-crush on this one girl in my class. I was going to see her today but because of the snow, school was cancelled. 

I wish I had the motivation to go out there and meet women. I liked that I had a lot of motivation in early and mid 2015, I accomplished more during that timespan then I had ever accomplished.


----------



## Jesuszilla

There's a hot girl at work I am infatuated with. Super sexy and asks me what am I doing for Valentine's Day. Now I know she's just making conversation and isn't actually into me. Because in my head I wanted to say "I'll be doing you on V day". But no I can't make a move on her. She's way too hot.


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> There's a hot girl at work I am infatuated with. Super sexy and asks me what am I doing for Valentine's Day. Now I know she's just making conversation and isn't actually into me. Because in my head I wanted to say "I'll be doing you on V day". But no I can't make a move on her. She's way too hot.


Go for it man. You can ask her to friendly drink or dinner if she isn't doing anything. I mean she may say yes(a good bit of times the people we like and crush on actually like us too) and if you ask in a certain way(friendly, jokingly, etc), you wouldn't be too hurt or it wouldn't be as awkward if she said no. Anyway I think you should go for it.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> Go for it man. You can ask her to friendly drink or dinner if she isn't doing anything. I mean she may say yes(a good bit of times the people we like and crush on actually like us too) and if you ask in a certain way(friendly, jokingly, etc), you wouldn't be too hurt or it wouldn't be as awkward if she said no. Anyway I think you should go for it.


She's way too hot to try. I like to date in my own lane. I'm realistic not idealistic. I don't expect dating traditionally hot women because I'm not hot myself.


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> She's way too hot to try. I like to date in my own lane. I'm realistic not idealistic. I don't expect dating traditionally hot women because I'm not hot myself.


Well a friendly drink never hurt anybody. But I also know where you are coming from too.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> Well a friendly drink never hurt anybody. But I also know where you are coming from too.


I'm not much of a drinker and I'm straight forward. If I went to get drinks with her I will make it clear that I'm not there as friends.


----------



## Rex87

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm not much of a drinker and I'm straight forward. If I went to get drinks with her I will make it clear that I'm not there as friends.


It could be a lunch date, it can be dinner, it can be drinks. A lunch date many times is pretty casual but you are still getting to know each other on it. Asking her to dinner around this time....yeah idk but it could work. Especially if she did like you and she had no plans on V-day. Could be pretty nice. Drinks, I think works because its casual like lunch, and with the alcohol you both are loosening up.

I'm just throwing ideas out. You're a very supportive SASer so I'm just returning the favor, and just saying what I probably would do in that same situation. Good luck


----------



## Jesuszilla

Rex87 said:


> It could be a lunch date, it can be dinner, it can be drinks. A lunch date many times is pretty casual but you are still getting to know each other on it. Asking her to dinner around this time....yeah idk but it could work. Especially if she did like you and she had no plans on V-day. Could be pretty nice. Drinks, I think works because its casual like lunch, and with the alcohol you both are loosening up.
> 
> I'm just throwing ideas out. You're a very supportive SASer so I'm just returning the favor, and just saying what I probably would do in that same situation. Good luck


Thanks I'll keep that in mind when I find a woman more like me.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing. No girl would want me. I might as well buy a anime pillow.


----------



## DespairSenpai

Nothing


----------



## londonguy202

nothing because im out of work and parents dont like dating


----------



## uziq

nothing right now, pretty jaded from the last two "relationships" I had


----------



## Jesuszilla

I just came back from Kroger and there were dozens of beautiful women there. And the lady to packaged my salmon had a sexy Spanish accent and she was crazy hot. Why must I be so ugly and with low self-esteem? Just so many opportunities I missed in one grocery store much less this whole city.


----------



## the collector

Dang....I know the feeling ^
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jesuszilla

Why do women keep giving me their numbers and then within a day or 2 just stop talking to me? What the f*** am I doing so wrong? 

Here is what gets me: I take the time to get to know these girls AND plan the date showing I'm not being passive or wishy washy and they still just disappear. It's like come date time they are kidnapped and then I never hear from them again.

I can't get excited for meeting anyone because the story is the exact f***ing same. And it's not like every girl I message claims to be shy, no these are a variety of personalities judging from their profile and what info I get from them.


----------



## Rixy

I'm not going to bother right now. I'm just not in the right shape of mind and rejection is extremely hard to swallow when you're in a fragile state. I can't imagine a girl wanting to bother with that anyway.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Going to go cry in public.


----------



## Mnster

Just got out of a 4 year relationship. I hit up most the free dating sites. The girls in my area are undatable in my mind just not my type. Some try to talk with me but it's a dead end small talk conversation to no where. Go out to the bars or public see nothing but couples which is depressing. Friends give me phone numbers of attractive women but I always find something wrong with them. I struggle with here is her number talk to her... "Like about what?"

Rather than force a relationship I'm letting it come to me. Pursuing my hobbies and interests. Growing my group of friends. Checking the dating sites periodically to keep my profile visible.


----------



## gunner21

So I got started talking with this girl from POF. We talked a little on POF for two day and then she added me on fb and we've talked the whole day. She lives about an hour and half away. So, how do I ask her out? I can't just ask to hang out because she lives in a different city. So how do I proceed? I've noticed a lot of girls stop talking when the topic of meeting up comes up. Is it too soon? 

Also, she looks out of my league. Looks like she's a model on the side. Please help me out here SAS. I don't know how to ask her out or if it's too soon or too late.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

gunner21 said:


> So I got started talking with this girl from POF. We talked a little on POF for two day and then she added me on fb and we've talked the whole day. She lives about an hour and half away. So, how do I ask her out? I can't just ask to hang out because she lives in a different city. So how do I proceed? I've noticed a lot of girls stop talking when the topic of meeting up comes up. Is it too soon?
> 
> Also, she looks out of my league. Looks like she's a model on the side. Please help me out here SAS. I don't know how to ask her out or if it's too soon or too late.


A whole day is a _long _ time, and she did add you right? You also met on a dating site so she should probably be prepared to meet.

I guess the distance makes it awkward at this point but I'm under the impression that things are supposed to move more quickly on dating sites than conversations else where, so it's probably best to ask soon. You could meet up somewhere in between you both if there's anything there?


----------



## gunner21

Persephone The Dread said:


> A whole day is a _long _ time, and she did add you right? You also met on a dating site so she should probably be prepared to meet.
> 
> I guess the distance makes it awkward at this point but I'm under the impression that things are supposed to move more quickly on dating sites than conversations else where, so it's probably best to ask soon. You could meet up somewhere in between you both if there's anything there?


Well I talked to her a bit more and she said she likes to take things slow, so I haven't asked yet. I'm afraid to ask because that seems to be the point where a majority of the girls will stop talking (when you ask to hang out). Dating is a very tricky thing.


----------



## juanmoretime

I've never asked a girl out. I know I'm decent looking, but the fear of asking someone out has stuck with me for as long as I can remember. Getting the balls to do that first approach is the hardest part, which I still have yet to get over.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ With a username like that you should have all the women


----------



## thtmansam

juanmoretime said:


> I've never asked a girl out. I know I'm decent looking, but the fear of asking someone out has stuck with me for as long as I can remember. Getting the balls to do that first approach is the hardest part, which I still have yet to get over.


Same here man I almost did Lol but flaked off and I was too nervous to approach her again. All I did was say hi, man she just started talking. I wanted to talk to her again but just couldn't. I Don't think every girl is like that though it would make it a little easier. Maybe she was interested too.

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## ravens

juanmoretime said:


> I've never asked a girl out. I know I'm decent looking, but the fear of asking someone out has stuck with me for as long as I can remember. Getting the balls to do that first approach is the hardest part, which I still have yet to get over.


I've never asked a girl out either and I've always been too afraid to ever try. Always thinking well I would be rejected anyway.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Someone I talk to who used to be a member of SAS told me to never be afraid to lose someone. At the time my reaction to that advice was that since so few women ever show me interest, I don't have room to not be afraid.

Well fast forward some time and that advice is kinda right. Not so much in the attracting women department, but more in the things seem to go smoother for me with women because I put unnecessary pressure on myself. 

It feels good to talk to women and not try to say the perfect things to them because of fear of what they'd think. It's quite liberating and is helping me feel more...um, manly I guess.

Anyway, just hope my little progress helps you guys as well.


----------



## Jesuszilla

The dangers of being passive causes a lot of us to miss many opportunities. I wish I had the cure to overcome that fear, doubt, anxiety, insecurity that comes to going after or keeping the girl. But it is sort of one of those things you learn the more you do. Unfortunately it takes a long time to really get down.

I look back on nearly 3 years of dating and see the big improvements I've made. From being too scared to look a girl in the eye, to having a "relationship" that really was actually more like a long distance friendship :/...anyway the progress is there and the progress is huge.

Boy, I got off topic there. Passiveness is such a curse on many of us. The fear of not being accepted, the fear of rejection and all that would often keep us from doing the things we really want with these women. Well I am just going for it now. My mentality recently has been do the opposite of what my brain tells me. My brain automatically goes to the passive route. Like texting before calling or planning a date and waiting for _her_ to have final say on what we do. Those little traps can turn into huge turn offs.

While at first she'll think it's nice when you always try do what she wants to do...eventually it becomes annoying and seems like you don't have any interest but her. And judging from a lot of word of mouth and interactions, women tend to like the more aggressive man because most men they deal with tend to be passive.

Now you shouldn't go bossing her around, but I don't think that needed to be said.


----------



## gunner21

Well, so things are going well with the girl from POF I guess. It's been 8 days and we've talked every single day for like the past 5 days, including her initiating the convo a couple of times. We're meeting on Friday. Any suggestion on where to take her? I really don't want to **** this up. She's really nice and attractive as well. I want to flirt a little bit more, but I have no idea how to do that. I know things are going well, but somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking that everything will go to hell and she'll cancel any minute now and stop talking, because that's just how things tend to go with online dating.


----------



## DespairSenpai

nothing


----------



## jsgt

Gunner, you're keeping at it despite the let downs...and that's really cool. Good luck man!


----------



## Darktower776

Jesuszilla said:


> The dangers of being passive causes a lot of us to miss many opportunities. I wish I had the cure to overcome that fear, doubt, anxiety, insecurity that comes to going after or keeping the girl. But it is sort of one of those things you learn the more you do. Unfortunately it takes a long time to really get down.
> 
> I look back on nearly 3 years of dating and see the big improvements I've made. From being too scared to look a girl in the eye, to having a "relationship" that really was actually more like a long distance friendship :/...anyway the progress is there and the progress is huge.
> 
> Boy, I got off topic there. Passiveness is such a curse on many of us. The fear of not being accepted, the fear of rejection and all that would often keep us from doing the things we really want with these women. Well I am just going for it now. My mentality recently has been do the opposite of what my brain tells me. My brain automatically goes to the passive route. Like texting before calling or planning a date and waiting for _her_ to have final say on what we do. Those little traps can turn into huge turn offs.
> 
> While at first she'll think it's nice when you always try do what she wants to do...eventually it becomes annoying and seems like you don't have any interest but her. And judging from a lot of word of mouth and interactions, women tend to like the more aggressive man because most men they deal with tend to be passive.
> 
> Now you shouldn't go bossing her around, but I don't think that needed to be said.


Good advice, man, and it is really something I should be trying to improve as well. I look back at all the times I should've asked a girl out over the years- especially when I was younger, but even as recently as a couple years ago- but didn't. Fear and anxiety took over instead.

I came so close to asking this girl out two summers ago that I worked with. I knew she was quitting soon and we were walking out to our cars at the same time. The perfect opportunity. I opened my mouth to ask her but "I'll see you later." came out instead. I kicked myself that night vowing to not chicken out the next time I saw her.....but of course I never saw her again.


----------



## gunner21

jsgt said:


> Gunner, you're keeping at it despite the let downs...and that's really cool. Good luck man!


She cancelled. Lol!


----------



## Jesuszilla

Darktower776 said:


> Good advice, man, and it is really something I should be trying to improve as well. I look back at all the times I should've asked a girl out over the years- especially when I was younger, but even as recently as a couple years ago- but didn't. Fear and anxiety took over instead.
> 
> I came so close to asking this girl out two summers ago that I worked with. I knew she was quitting soon and we were walking out to our cars at the same time. The perfect opportunity. I opened my mouth to ask her but "I'll see you later." came out instead. I kicked myself that night vowing to not chicken out the next time I saw her.....but of course I never saw her again.


It's such a bad feeling. I get tired of it, which is why I'm so "brave". Brave or stupid I'm never which one lol

Anyway, hope you can eventually ask a girl out. A part of dating with SA is persistence + the handful of positive interactions with women + facing the anxiety.

It's weird because I have had so many rejections but the few times a girl gives you a chance I find it more than enough to give me hope that it's possible to meet someone else. That could just be me.

Missing out sucks and I would rather try than to let it pass me by.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Thinking about becoming a girl. Might be a lot easier that way.


----------



## jsgt

gunner21 said:


> She cancelled. Lol!


Sorry to hear. She was probably too busy eating one or both of these.


----------



## lonesomeboy

juanmoretime said:


> I've never asked a girl out. I know I'm decent looking, but the fear of asking someone out has stuck with me for as long as I can remember. Getting the balls to do that first approach is the hardest part, which I still have yet to get over.


yeah same. not in IRL.

signed up for online dating (POF). Even on that I am hesitant to message super attractive girls, even when I have they don't reply anyways. Might as well not even try.


----------



## SouthFL

I used to not approach girls but then I realized it's all a numbers game. Just approach them and say something funny. If you can make a girl laugh then your in.


----------



## xxDark Horse

This one girl who I had a semi-crush on dropped out of the class. Little dissapointed but I can handle it. 

So now i'm going to take Tinder, OkCupid and Plenty of Fish much more seriously now. Surely I can get at least 1 date off of those 3 if I message enough girls. I just have to be willing to try. 

I'm fed up with being single and being terrible with women. You never know when you're going to die and I definitely don't want to die a virgin or never having a girlfriend.


----------



## gunner21

HO LEE FUK I'm so sexually frustrated, but I have no idea what to do about it. I feel like if I don't get some sort of intimacy soon, I might go legit crazy. Distractions can only go so far.


----------



## Darktower776

gunner21 said:


> HO LEE FUK I'm so sexually frustrated, but I have no idea what to do about it. I feel like if I don't get some sort of intimacy soon, I might go legit crazy. Distractions can only go so far.


Hang in there, man. Keep on trying with the ladies. In the meantime fap?


----------



## Beryl

Got a tinder coffee date. Last time I tried a tinder date I got stood up. Hopefully this one goes better. But I am nervous as hell, im in my mid 20s and this would only be my third date ever. Its pretty depressing knowing im this far behind, but I have got to do this.

Any helpful words of encouragement or advice?


----------



## TAruba

There's this woman who I've started a relationship with, we're actually old friends/lovers. As I spend more time with her I realize how special she is and how into me she is. Even though we are physically close, we both want a very meaningful relationship. I just moved things along by opening up to her a bit about how I feel.


----------



## mranonymousx

*Hi all*

I want go have a girlfriend. I am 20 years old and never had one. Plz help me guys give me some tips what to do... I try really hard talking to people to overcome anxiety and get some communication skills, especially talking to girls. But it seems like im doing something wrong... Sometimes everything going quit well, but usually its not. No matter how i try, it looks like girls dont like me or just does not pay attention to me, like im not exist. I quess im pretty borring cuz i can talk about studies or work, but dont imagine what more i can say. Can someone write how to talk to girls, what to say, etc... Maybe its kind a stupid question, but i really dont imagine how to do it. I have read a lot of things about it, but i cant figure out it :stu


----------



## mranonymousx

Buckyx said:


> you are looking for advice at wrong place


mhh... why?


----------



## gunner21

So, how does one not become bitter after being constantly rejected by the opposite sex?


----------



## huh

gunner21 said:


> So, how does one not become bitter after being constantly rejected by the opposite sex?


Beer...lots of it. It also helps to have a few random dates mixed in with all of the rejections. At least then it leaves you with a sliver of hope. But I've definitely grown bitter over time. Get rejected frequently enough and it's bound to happen I guess.


----------



## gunner21

huh said:


> Beer...lots of it. It also helps to have a few random dates mixed in with all of the rejections. At least then it leaves you with a sliver of hope. But I've definitely grown bitter over time. Get rejected frequently enough and it's bound to happen I guess.


I don't even get dates though. Alcoholism looks like the way to go.


----------



## rdrr

gunner21 said:


> So, how does one not become bitter after being constantly rejected by the opposite sex?


Being bitter will just make things worse for you.

Give a little bit more effort into other things, like hobbies or making friends, rather than dating, and just do things that at least make you content.


----------



## TAruba

That bitterness you feel is the most destructive feeling to ALL of your relationships. I have felt it before, during times when I wasn't "getting laid" much. It's weird and irrational, but the feeling is not only a huge waste of time and energy, it also really does some damage.

I don't know what you have to do to change your attitudes, feelings, beliefs, lifestyle etc. to learn how to keep the peace in your life. Any hint of bitterness, expectations or resentment will send a woman running quickly away.


----------



## Iced

Kegels all day, err day.


----------



## gunner21

TAruba said:


> That bitterness you feel is the most destructive feeling to ALL of your relationships. I have felt it before, during times when I wasn't "getting laid" much. It's weird and irrational, but the feeling is not only a huge waste of time and energy, it also really does some damage.
> 
> I don't know what you have to do to change your attitudes, feelings, beliefs, lifestyle etc. to learn how to keep the peace in your life. Any hint of bitterness, expectations or resentment will send a woman running quickly away.


Well I'm not bitter of women, I'm just bitter of the whole dating game. I don't get it, I really don't. Oh well, solitude for life it is I guess.


----------



## TAruba

gunner21 said:


> Well I'm not bitter of women, I'm just bitter of the whole dating game. I don't get it, I really don't. Oh well, solitude for life it is I guess.


A) Don't ever be bitter about anything. What the heck is the point?
B) Stop thinking of dating as a game that has rules and such.
C) have some darn fun and stop overthinking your interactions. Make mistakes and laugh.


----------



## xxDark Horse

I'm done with these girl's man. I got 99 problems but a ***** ain't one! 

-2 days later-

Oh my god i'm so lonely! I want a gf so friggin bad! 

Talk to girl and gets rejected... 



And then the cycle repeats all over again.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

I feel like I'm in the deadzone with all my female friends after having gone MIA since finding out my mom would die/died.

Starting to realise I have no female friends at the moment and no reliable way to get in contact with new potentially interesting women (either to befriend or to date)..
I'm wondering whether it's worth putting in an insane amount of effort to reconnect with my friends of last year. Most of them are 3-5 years younger and still partying often, I'm feeling old and somewhat depressed since my mothers death and have a hard time keeping up with them (and they seem to be aware that I'd like them to slow down a bit for me) 
Or perhaps I should just cross them off as losses and move on, in which case, where the hell am I going to meet any women in the coming 5 years? Future workplace is highly unlikely as I'm probably going to end up in some programming job. Through friends is also unlikely as the few friends I have at the moment have rarely introduced me to any new people. My current hobbies (guitar lessons, going to the gym, casually gaming) will not lead to anything either (I'm not going to go chatting up random girls at the gym), and an extra hobby would swamp me.

It seems the only solution to meet a girl would be dating-sites/tinder but I refuse to meet a girl only because we were both feeling lonely. It might sound stupid, but I want to have some sort of story of how I met my future-girlfriend, and it can be the most lame-*** and short story ever, but not "we were both lonely and this app thought we might like eachother"

I wish I could go 2 years back, I had female-friends who at the time could've been interested in me, or at least thought highly enough of me to maybe introduce me to some of their friends. Now I seem to have no prospects at all.


----------



## pied vert

TAruba said:


> A) Don't ever be bitter about anything. What the heck is the point?
> B) Stop thinking of dating as a game that has rules and such.
> C) have some darn fun and stop overthinking your interactions. Make mistakes and laugh.


the essence of life!!


----------



## TAruba

More like what am I doing to manage dating three women at once. It is a lot of work to keep three women satisfied. I was thinking of bumping my goal, to be dating around 5 different women a week, but my life is too busy. I'll keep three steady GF's and just keep flirting with all the other beautiful women I meet and date other women as I want to. I jumped into the deep end after being single for many years. I am still figuring out how to maintain balance to keep the energy I need to satisfy these women. Open relationships and dating is the way to go guys. Stop looking for the "right" one and start looking at the one right in front of you.


----------



## gunner21

Last girl I went on a date with said she has no feelings for me (no idea how someone can develop feeling after meeting just once). But yea, that's about it. Deleted my POF out of frustration. Growing pretty cynical of the whole dating thing.


----------



## M0rbid

^ as expected....


----------



## inane

TAruba said:


> More like what am I doing to manage dating three women at once. It is a lot of work to keep three women satisfied. I was thinking of bumping my goal, to be dating around 5 different women a week, but my life is too busy. I'll keep three steady GF's and just keep flirting with all the other beautiful women I meet and date other women as I want to. I jumped into the deep end after being single for many years. I am still figuring out how to maintain balance to keep the energy I need to satisfy these women. Open relationships and dating is the way to go guys. Stop looking for the "right" one and start looking at the one right in front of you.


As long as you're cool with the fact that your "girlfriends" are all dating and f-cking other guys as well, this can be a fun thing to do. I personally don't have the self-esteem for it.


----------



## TAruba

inane said:


> As long as you're cool with the fact that your "girlfriends" are all dating and f-cking other guys as well, this can be a fun thing to do. I personally don't have the self-esteem for it.


I find women who are very confident with their sexuality to be attractive. I am honestly happy for them, having sex with other men and women. Everyone is having a positive experience, trust me :grin2:


----------



## inane

TAruba said:


> I find women who are very confident with their sexuality to be attractive. I am honestly happy for them, having sex with other men and women. Everyone is having a positive experience, trust me :grin2:


That's good then, the people who are mature and responsible enough to enjoy a poly lifestyle are probably the happiest lol

I personally wouldn't enjoy having to keep track of my lovers' lovers and who's been tested or not. I had a FWB relationship and it was fatiguing enough just checking with ONE guy on who he's been dating or slept with... forget doing that with three. No one's got time for that!


----------



## TAruba

inane said:


> That's good then, the people who are mature and responsible enough to enjoy a poly lifestyle are probably the happiest lol
> 
> I personally wouldn't enjoy having to keep track of my lovers' lovers and who's been tested or not. I had a FWB relationship and it was fatiguing enough just checking with ONE guy on who he's been dating or slept with... forget doing that with three. No one's got time for that!


Like I said, it takes a lot of work and a good memory. Personally, I don't kiss and tell.

A, S and K all know that I date other women. I know that A and S have other people they date or partner up with. K is totally single, I see her a couple times a week. She understands that I am dating her, just like I will date any woman I want to. I told her that I am seeing other women and it's all good. Obviously the more partners you have, the more important safe sex s for all involved.

I make time for three at least, t is something very meaningful to me so I put in the time and energy


----------



## k_wifler

What does unicorn say? "IMMA FRIGGIN UNICORN, BEYACH!"
I'm so awesome that people can't understand how I'm still alive, like a schrodinger's cat in a clear glass box. Seeing is befuddling.
I'm 10 times bill gates and steve jobs but woz was the only valuable part of those teams anyways.
My dad is a lot like what trump would be if he was poor and always hundreds of thousands in debt.
I keep telling him to dye his hair blonde as a joke. He does what I tell him to do, cuz I grant wishes.

So yeah, the unicorn is tired of all the lil kiddies swarming around it.
Best way to do that is with A* hole tactics. Offend and disgust!
Then only the true friends will remain, or just experienced hunters, or the once and future king.

So yeah, I tell all on dating sites, Crohn's disease, social anxiety, mostly isolated from everything as a lil kid home schooled with no playmates at a retirement village, mistreated by parents and turned off my emotions to protect myself, no money to work with a shrink to turn emotions back on.

This apple has no worms. The worms did not like the taste of the chemicals sprayed upon it.
It's okay to call anyone a worm because it's good use of metaphor, and without metaphor and hypothetical you are nothing.

There is no maturity. People misbehave because of mental illness, emotional disturbances. People can only hope to coexist with the people around them in a way that suits them.
Children don't act immature, they act deranged, because their brains are still forming. When a child misbehaves it is for the same reasons that an adult misbehaves.

SO yeah! Women are afraid to ask me out or even talk to me, because what would you do if a unicorn said they didn't want to play with you?
YOU WOULD NOT TASTE THE RAINBOW. I have to be mysterious. Play the scruffy mutt. Act injured and filthy. Pretend I'm worthless. The horn's hard to hide, but I manage.


----------



## inane

TAruba said:


> Like I said, it takes a lot of work and a good memory. Personally, I don't kiss and tell.
> 
> A, S and K all know that I date other women. I know that A and S have other people they date or partner up with. K is totally single, I see her a couple times a week. She understands that I am dating her, just like I will date any woman I want to. I told her that I am seeing other women and it's all good. Obviously the more partners you have, the more important safe sex s for all involved.
> 
> I make time for three at least, t is something very meaningful to me so I put in the time and energy


It sounds like you have a healthy, respectful, and honest approach towards your relationships. It's difficult to make enough time just to maintain one.


----------



## gunner21

TAruba said:


> Like I said, it takes a lot of work and a good memory. Personally, I don't kiss and tell.
> 
> A, S and K all know that I date other women. I know that A and S have other people they date or partner up with. K is totally single, I see her a couple times a week. She understands that I am dating her, just like I will date any woman I want to. I told her that I am seeing other women and it's all good. Obviously the more partners you have, the more important safe sex s for all involved.
> 
> I make time for three at least, t is something very meaningful to me so I put in the time and energy


This sounds like a nightmare to me. I can't imagine the emotional toll that would take on me.


----------



## Kevin001

I was at my doctor's appointment yesterday and I saw a very cute girl. I so wanted to say something but it was like I was paralyzed. She was even glancing at me every so often. I feel like such a pu$$y. 

I guess I have to work on actually saying something.


----------



## Overdrive

xxDark Horse said:


> I'm done with these girl's man. I got 99 problems but a ***** ain't one!
> 
> -2 days later-
> 
> Oh my god i'm so lonely! I want a gf so friggin bad!
> 
> Talk to girl and gets rejected...
> 
> And then the cycle repeats all over again.


haha same :grin2:


----------



## thtmansam

Kevin001 said:


> I was at my doctor's appointment yesterday and I saw a very cute girl. I so wanted to say something but it was like I was paralyzed. She was even glancing at me every so often. I feel like such a pu$$y.
> 
> I guess I have to work on actually saying something.


Same type of thing that happens to me. Like I wanna say something but nothing comes out lol

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## My Hearse

Nothing. 

Nothing at all.


----------



## Luke4468

Same here. I wouldn't even know where to start.


----------



## My Hearse

Luke4468 said:


> Same here. I wouldn't even know where to start.


We can start with a Pokemon battle.


----------



## Luke4468

Infinite Isolation said:


> We can start with a Pokemon battle.


lol. Fine with me.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Attempting to write poetry. But I suck.


----------



## TAruba

Whatever happened to saying, "Hi, name is ----------- how's your day going so far?"


----------



## DespairSenpai

Nothing, I'm going to stay alone and I'm fine with that


----------



## jsgt

TAruba said:


> Whatever happened to saying, "Hi, name is ----------- how's your day going so far?"


Then she calls you a creep, maces you, and calls the police.


----------



## TAruba

jsgt said:


> Then she calls you a creep, maces you, and calls the police.


What? Why would that happen?


----------



## jsgt

TAruba said:


> What? Why would that happen?


They're taught to be suspicious of us if we're overly kind(like we're just after sex or something), so that scenario just popped into my head. I wouldn't be surprised if that has really happened to some guy at some point though.


----------



## enexti

Na, I don't do anything for this matter. I don't see why anyone would be interested in me... plus I've been made fun of my (almost) entire life, so what?
To add more, with my zero social skills, I would only come as a creep.


----------



## uziq

nothing really, i'm too busy working and trying to dig myself out of my financial hole

(though even if that weren't my current situation, i probably wouldn't be doing a whole lot about it anyways)


----------



## My Hearse

DespairSenpai said:


> Nothing, I'm going to stay alone and I'm fine with that


Same. Don't worry. We will realize that life is much easier this way.


----------



## TAruba

There is some very irrational thinking going on in a lot of these posts.


----------



## TAruba

jsgt said:


> They're taught to be suspicious of us if we're overly kind(like we're just after sex or something), so that scenario just popped into my head. I wouldn't be surprised if that has really happened to some guy at some point though.


This is not true. 90% of the work is just showing up, then just be good to people. Very rarely is a woman taught to weary of "us," whoever "us" is. Seriously, there is nothing creepy about smiling, making eye contact and saying something like, "Hi my name is Joe, what's your name?"

"hi, I'm Amanda"

"nice to meet you Amanda, how's your day going?"

"good"

"Yeah, That was a great one word answer, really, what's going on with you today?"



enexti said:


> Na, I don't do anything for this matter. I don't see why anyone would be interested in me... plus I've been made fun of my (almost) entire life, so what?
> To add more, with my zero social skills, I would only come as a creep.


Totally not the case buddy, I really hope that you begin to change our views of ourself and others.



uziq said:


> nothing really, i'm too busy working and trying to dig myself out of my financial hole
> 
> (though even if that weren't my current situation, i probably wouldn't be doing a whole lot about it anyways)


It is always worth seeking and enjoying companionship. The whole, "I won't do much, why bother," type attitude is a cop-out.



Infinite Isolation said:


> Same. Don't worry. We will realize that life is much easier this way.


Again, wrong for most people. Life is much easier when you have love and joy in it.


----------



## jsgt

TAruba said:


> This is not true. 90% of the work is just showing up, then just be good to people. Very rarely is a woman taught to weary of "us," whoever "us" is. Seriously, there is nothing creepy about smiling, making eye contact and saying something like, "Hi my name is Joe, what's your name?"


Just curious...how many rejections have you faced? Myself, I never have been rejected(unless you count an "I'll think about it" in middle school) mostly because I don't even bother trying with women...but I really feel bad for the guys here who try and try and try, but keep getting the same results. This is my way of relating with them so they don't get the feeling that there's something specifically wrong with them.


----------



## JustThisGuy

I need a blood transfusion soon from the blood loss from my breakup first before I think of going for someone else. Too bad someone isn't on here anymore. I miss her. Would attempt again. Very much so.


----------



## funnynihilist

Nothin. Dont feel like its worth the hassle.


----------



## TAruba

jsgt said:


> Just curious...how many rejections have you faced? Myself, I never have been rejected(unless you count an "I'll think about it" in middle school) mostly because I don't even bother trying with women...but I really feel bad for the guys here who try and try and try, but keep getting the same results. This is my way of relating with them so they don't get the feeling that there's something specifically wrong with them.


I faced hundreds of rejections over a two year period. I was very good looking and nice, but I had this bitterness That I see so many others who think and feel the way I did about intimacy, fun, sex, dating, etc.Then I spent years agoraphobic and now i finally am dating three women right now.


----------



## uziq

> It is always worth seeking and enjoying companionship.


not quite, there's a time for it. believe me, i am not in the position right now to devote time to finding a romantic partner. that's not a cop-out, it's me being realistic about my own circumstances. if something does happen, then great, but it's not something i am actively pursuing.



TAruba said:


> The whole, "I won't do much, why bother," type attitude is a cop-out.


it's not a cop-out, i'm just not placing a relationship on a pedestal like you.


----------



## TAruba

uziq said:


> not quite, there's a time for it. believe me, i am not in the position right now to devote time to finding a romantic partner. that's not a cop-out, it's me being realistic about my own circumstances. if something does happen, then great, but it's not something i am actively pursuing.
> 
> it's not a cop-out, i'm just not placing a relationship on a pedestal like you.


I am giving my experienced opinion.

I was agoraphobic for 6 years and I had the same attitude, and strongly believed that it was in fact the best attitude for me.

I do not put relationships on a pedestal, quite the opposite.

From my experience, having been through what everyone here is talking about, it is always worth putting in the energy to form relationships with people who you are attracted to.


----------



## gunner21

I wonder how @Jesuszilla is doing. He was one of the few ones consistently trying. I bet he got a gf.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> I wonder how @Jesuszilla is doing. He was one of the few ones consistently trying. I bet he got a gf.


Got back together with my ex after she contacted me telling me she's still in love with me and all that. Plus I work and go to school full time which is the main reason I don't post much


----------



## Rixy

Online dating feels like being a cat in a rescue shelter. Except I don't have the appeal of a lonely kitten ;-;


----------



## mike91

Nothing i am doing everything to stop me from getting one reason is i am to screwed up for one sa, depression and low paying job what do I have to offer jack **** so if i can fix them 3 things i wont even try i will avoid


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> Got back together with my ex after she contacted me telling me she's still in love with me and all that. Plus I work and go to school full time which is the main reason I don't post much


After all that stuff she said about you?


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Starting to consider getting into Tinder. 

My housemate & his girlfriend have been trying to convince me for a couple months now and I'm starting to get used to the idea.. Three (main) worries though, I have no pictures of myself I consider profile-picture worthy which is why I've gone pictureless on facebook for years. Second being I'm not sure how I feel about meeting a stranger at a bar or similar venue when I'm already having trouble meeting up with a friend (purposely being 10m late so I won't be there first and feel awkward waiting). Third is that I if I even get myself to go on a date I think Tinder-dates would move way too fast for me. I prefer to know I definitely like someone before I make any moves beyond a little flirting, but I'm assuming if you make no moves on a tinder-date a girl will instantly move on to the next :/. So I'm basically afraid I'm going to get bad experiences which deter me further from dating, and ruining dates with people I might've gotten along with if I met them naturally. All complete bs-reasons not to do it, but I feel it might be too far out of my comfort-zone.

Atleast I'm finally considering it though, that counts for something right?


----------



## M0rbid

^ good luck.....


----------



## ilsr

I wonder how many guys actually end up completely alone past 35 after being unsuccessful at this meaning literally never having a gf. Like are there any actual statistics. Is there some percentage die off from suicide by 40 etc.


----------



## Overdrive

ilsr said:


> I wonder how many guys actually end up completely alone past 35 after being unsuccessful at this meaning literally never having a gf. Like are there any actual statistics. Is there some percentage die off from suicide by 40 etc.


this give me hope


----------



## MEandJustMe

Literally nothing, i can't get girls i'm just too phobic, i'm too akward and socially incompetent.


----------



## AllTheSame

ilsr said:


> I wonder how many guys actually end up completely alone past 35 after being unsuccessful at this meaning literally never having a gf. Like are there any actual statistics. Is there some percentage die off from suicide by 40 etc.


Wow. Like seriously...wow. Thanks, bro. That just makes us older guys feel so, soooo much better. Preciate it.

I've had gfs before, I've been married twice, but being alone is being alone. It's not a contest ffs, alone is being alone is being alone. Lmao. I'm....so f-ing single right now. So, so, so very single. There's not even a ship on the horizon, I'm just on a deserted island with no hope right now. Ffs, I just found out last night (early this morning, actually) my crush even has a bf.

I'm really not doing anything to "get a girl" right now. There was a thread about dating I responded to a while back, and when I was done posting in it, I realized that if I _*really*_ wanted to "get a girl" right now I'd be dating. I wouldn't be talking about it. I wouldn't be pondering, or weighing the pros and cons...I'd be dating. And I'm not. So I guess the anxiety and all the hassle that goes with dating is just not worth it to me right now. Which means I'm going to be alone, and miserable in the end, which makes absolutely no sense but heh, I guess that's what I'm doing.

I'm trying to do things to better myself. I'm working out and eating much, much better than I was even just a few months ago. I'm losing weight (my goal is 15 - 20 pounds). I haven't stepped on a scale yet. I've only been working out for two weeks but I can feel some changes, and I can already feel my jeans fitting slightly looser. I have an appointment to meet with a college counselor this week to go over degree plans, so I can finally finish my degree.

I'm not doing anything to get a girl right now, though. Even thinking about it right now just depresses the *** out of me.


----------



## uziq

a nice financial boon came way and that helped to pay some debt I had. that's a lot of stress of my shoulders. now that I feel a bit more comfortable handling a possible relationship, I started up tinder again, so we'll see how that goes.


----------



## ilsr

AllTheSame said:


> Wow. Like seriously...wow. Thanks, bro. That just makes us older guys feel so, soooo much better. Preciate it.


Sorry if it made your day worse unintentionally. I was mainly asking for myself as I'm in my starting middle age years and never had gf.

I'm not doing anything either. Because I have my own mess to sort out currently, mainly to stay out of becoming homeless and debilitating sa.


----------



## AllTheSame

ilsr said:


> Sorry if it made your day worse unintentionally. I'm in my starting middle age years and never had gf.
> 
> I'm not doing anything either. Because I have my own mess to sort out currently, mainly to stay out of becoming homeless and debilitating sa.


No, it's OK...I probably shouldn't have posted that. It's just my knee-jerk reaction I guess.

Every time I see a post that says "if I'm single when I'm in my 30s and 40s I'm just going to off myself"....and I see it all the time on this site...I just think, ffs, really?? I'm single lol. I realize I'm (we're) a dinosaur when compared to most other users here, but I'm just amazed at how many other SASers seem to think I should just throw in the towel because of my age. May as well just give up. If you aren't better now, what's the point of even going to therapy. If you're single now, get ready to die alone.

Anyone that knows me knows I don't act my age lol. At all. I'm still kind of a teenager in some ways.

I hope things get better for you. I've actually been homeless once, years ago (though it was only for about a week). I guess all we can really do is just keep working on ourselves and never give up. I actually hate this saying, but I've found it to be true....the girl / guy you're looking for will probably bump into you when you least expect it. So maybe I should stop looking, stop trying lol. I hope things get easier for you.


----------



## ilsr

Thanks. I'm doing ok for now. Just worried about the future.


----------



## HanSolo

Lately just roaming the streets, hoping to see a cute girl here and there. I'm more likely to meet a friendly cat/dog than a girl. speaking of which.............................


----------



## PineconeMachine

Nothing, presently. I still more or less live in a state of constant shame and embarrassment regarding my life and possess little self worth and confidence. I neither approach nor get approached. No true effort has been made. I don't expect anything to happen just sitting alone in public, reading books or keeping to myself. It absolutely sucks.


----------



## mdw9124

I work out at the gym everyday doing big lifts. I'm tonning up but my looks aren't improving. Pls shoot me. 

Sent from my LG-H634 using Tapatalk


----------



## xxDark Horse

Well I need to gain about 10 pounds. I looked at myself shirtless and was thinking, dang i'm skinny. So now i'm chugging down all the food I can find. I workout but am still skinny af.

Started wearing sunscreen to protect my skin. Shoudve started this earlier. 

Started wearing actually decent clothes

At least I can now talk to a girl without shtting my pants. Now asking for a girls number without shtting my pants is the next step.


----------



## My Hearse

mdw9124 said:


> I work out at the gym everyday doing big lifts. I'm tonning up but my looks aren't improving. Pls shoot me.
> 
> Sent from my LG-H634 using Tapatalk


No.

Shoot me.


----------



## TAruba

xxDark Horse said:


> Well I need to gain about 10 pounds. I looked at myself shirtless and was thinking, dang i'm skinny. So now i'm chugging down all the food I can find. I workout but am still skinny af.
> 
> Started wearing sunscreen to protect my skin. Shoudve started this earlier.
> 
> Started wearing actually decent clothes
> 
> At least I can now talk to a girl without shtting my pants. Now asking for a girls number without shtting my pants is the next step.


No, it is not the "next step." You have about a hundred steps between saying hello to some chick and consistently having women want to give you their phone number. Don't try to run just because you can sit up without dirtying your diaper.


----------



## TAruba

HanSolo said:


> Lately just roaming the streets, hoping to see a cute girl here and there. I'm more likely to meet a friendly cat/dog than a girl. speaking of which.............................


Yeah, your method will only work if you are walking a truly wonderful dog with you. Otherwise you need to be much more assertive because no one wants to date the scenery.


----------



## TAruba

anyoldkindofday said:


> Starting to consider getting into Tinder.
> 
> My housemate & his girlfriend have been trying to convince me for a couple months now and I'm starting to get used to the idea.. Three (main) worries though, I have no pictures of myself I consider profile-picture worthy which is why I've gone pictureless on facebook for years. Second being I'm not sure how I feel about meeting a stranger at a bar or similar venue when I'm already having trouble meeting up with a friend (purposely being 10m late so I won't be there first and feel awkward waiting). Third is that I if I even get myself to go on a date I think Tinder-dates would move way too fast for me. I prefer to know I definitely like someone before I make any moves beyond a little flirting, but I'm assuming if you make no moves on a tinder-date a girl will instantly move on to the next :/. So I'm basically afraid I'm going to get bad experiences which deter me further from dating, and ruining dates with people I might've gotten along with if I met them naturally. All complete bs-reasons not to do it, but I feel it might be too far out of my comfort-zone.
> 
> Atleast I'm finally considering it though, that counts for something right?


I have a tinder account, you definitely need good pictures of yourself to get the attention of people who might like you.

Tinder is a cool app. I have had several successful dates with women I have met on Tinder you'll have much better odds of being, "liked," by many women if you just get out in public and show yourself off in the real world, like how dating has been done for many thousands of years.


----------



## TAruba

ilsr said:


> I wonder how many guys actually end up completely alone past 35 after being unsuccessful at this meaning literally never having a gf. Like are there any actual statistics. Is there some percentage die off from suicide by 40 etc.


99% percent of adults have had sex, the other 1% are statisticians :clap


----------



## jonjagger

Just got some really strong duct tape.


----------



## TelephoneKiosk

jonjagger said:


> Just got some really strong duct tape.


Is it Gorilla Tape? Stuff's crazy strong yo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## daisywillowlilyrose

@9872


----------



## 9872

daisywillowlilyrose said:


> @9872


As hole Lol


----------



## daisywillowlilyrose

9872 said:


> Thank you so much, Daizzzzz. I need this. A lot.


Welcome. Always here to help.


----------



## 9872

daisywillowlilyrose said:


> Welcome. Always here to help.


Im pretty sure she wants me, i see the way she looks at all this


----------



## daisywillowlilyrose

9872 said:


> Im pretty sure she wants me, i see the way she looks at all this


:spam


----------



## 9872

daisywillowlilyrose said:


> But babe, I love you, we had something special, babe, bae, boo Im in front of your house come down


Who is this?


----------



## daisywillowlilyrose

9872 said:


> But babe, I love you, we had something special, babe, bae, boo Im in front of your house come down


I told you, I'm in love with somebody else. Just let me go.


----------



## AFoundLady

uhm...what's going on? ^


----------



## 9872

daisywillowlilyrose said:


> <3


Do you wanna pull my clothes off as much as I wanna pull yours off?


----------



## 9872

alostgirl said:


> uhm...what's going on? ^


Role play before we get it on


----------



## McFly

^ That's got to be a record for fastest relationship started by new members.


----------



## Kevin001

^^ Ikr, lol. I've noticed the exchanges.


----------



## duganrm

^^^The "whatever that is" has been going on in the chatroom for the last few days.

On topic, I offered someone a few goats in exchange for her sister. Think the only problem is the family is against multiple wives... I was really hopeful since I heard she was a good house cleaner.


----------



## gunner21

If I could write a book from all the Tinder and Okcupid conversations that faded on me, I'd have a really huge book.


----------



## uziq

uziq said:


> I started up tinder again, so we'll see how that goes.


so far it's going pretty ****ty

just a lil' status update


----------



## uziq

uziq said:


> so far it's going pretty ****ty
> 
> just a lil' status update


status update again

looks like i have something happening later tonight


----------



## uziq

meh, she flaked

back to the forever alone corner for me


----------



## gunner21

uziq said:


> meh, she flaked
> 
> back to the forever alone corner for me


Welcome to online dating....


----------



## uziq

gunner21 said:


> Welcome to online dating....


----------



## DespairSenpai

I'm not doing anything to get one, and I have no plans to start.


----------



## SilentLyric

nada, chicas.


----------



## ilsr

why even bother. Most chads don't want the disenfranchised to succeed anyways. Most rich people don't want the poor masses to get wealthier. The world is always a state of inequality. If there weren't laws there would be mass genocide or slavery.


----------



## Kevin321

I'm too ugly for anyone.


----------



## k_wifler

What I'm doing to get a girl:

So my first dating coach I guess was just a hoo haw phoney after my money and my body, so I got a new dating coach.
Also, since I'm super dense and will only approach someone who is extremely obvious about being interested, and can handle my red flags up front, I decided to offer $2000 to the person who ends up introducing me to my first long term relationship partner (longer than 2 months). It's $5000 for close friends and family, but they're too lazy to do anything...
Also offering a wingman support for someone in exchange for a free/cheap room, since I seriously want to move, and going out alone is stupid.
Also I have a big "family home" that my dad is keeping warm for me, and it's getting re-done cuz it recently caught fire...

I guess what I'm saying is, I want to (have to) FIND someone on MY TERMS, but the rest is whatever she wants. I think that's fair, since it's usually the other way around. The guy does whatever he can to get the girl on her terms, then she lives a miserable life in servitude, being forced to have sex, getting beat up when he's drunk, raising kids for the next 20+ years. Considering what women have to look forward to in a long term relationship, I can sympathize with their having such impossibly high standards.


----------



## gunner21

uziq said:


>


feelsbadman


----------



## M0rbid

ilsr said:


> why even bother. Most chads don't want the disenfranchised to succeed anyways. Most rich people don't want the poor masses to get wealthier. The world is always a state of inequality. If there weren't laws there would be mass genocide or slavery.


no money no honey


----------



## uziq

uziq said:


> meh, she flaked
> 
> back to the forever alone corner for me


this girl has continued to talk to me but deflects so hard. it's clear she ain't interested in anything more than friendship, which is unfortunate.

other than her, still no real bites.


----------



## IcedOver

I've had online profiles that I haven't taken seriously, but I have one up currently that I'm taking semi-seriously. It's so annoying not to receive any messages (guys never get them). Then you do get a message. You get a thrill looking at the little envelope before the message in your e-mail (it's OKC). You go to OKC, open the message, and realize that it's just spam, someone looking to harvest your e-mail. That's all I've received.


----------



## My Hearse

IcedOver said:


> I've had online profiles that I haven't taken seriously, but I have one up currently that I'm taking semi-seriously. It's so annoying not to receive any messages (guys never get them). Then you do get a message. You get a thrill looking at the little envelope before the message in your e-mail (it's OKC). You go to OKC, open the message, and realize that it's just spam, someone looking to harvest your e-mail. That's all I've received.


Tell me about it.

It happened to me all the time. Just bots and spam.

You need to understand that these online dating websites aren't catered to men (especially those with Social Anxiety).

Your best bet is to just hang it up and delete your profiles.

It's just a waste of time filled with false hope.

You don't want to be driven mad and rabid constantly on these bulls*** apps thinking some miracle is going to happen.. it's not.

I'm sorry man.


----------



## uziq

alright so the last girl i talked to ended up calling me annoying and blocked me. whatever, lesson learned i guess although i don't think i was really that annoying. i got a couple more talking to me, but damn i'd be surprised if they don't ghost on me like every girl on tinder has so far.


----------



## sajs

catfishing


----------



## SilentLyric

you guys ever see a cute girl and then you see an engagement/wedding ring and get upset afterwards?


----------



## uziq

SilentLyric said:


> you guys ever see a cute girl and then you see an engagement/wedding ring and get upset afterwards?


yeah, more and more often it seems


----------



## SilentLyric

uziq said:


> yeah, more and more often it seems


and these girls are young looking, too. I guess girls are getting married younger nowadays.


----------



## knightofdespair

SilentLyric said:


> and these girls are young looking, too. I guess girls are getting married younger nowadays.


It's the old 80/20 rule.. 20% of women are interesting to 80% of men.


----------



## ravens

Nothing since I've never had anything to offer anybody.


----------



## uziq

it's very frustrating when you finally get someone that's willing to talk to you, and the conversation gets dry as **** and you have nothing else to say. i don't know if i should blame my conversational inexperience, or if it's because there's no chemistry, or if her interest is waning. truly a conundrum.


----------



## uziq

the "number of times I have been ghosted" meter has just increased


----------



## jsgt

uziq said:


> the "number of times I have been ghosted" meter has just increased


They like doing that, don't they? You'll be fine man, don't let it get you down. :hs


----------



## uziq

jsgt said:


> They like doing that, don't they? You'll be fine man, don't let it get you down. :hs


thanks. i'm alright, i handle this type of stuff about 100 times better than i would have at this point in time last year. it's just a bit tiresome dealing with people who don't think twice about disappearing at the drop of a hat


----------



## SilentLyric

I feel like getting a girl to actually message you back on dating websties is like the equivalent of trying to pick the 6 right numbers for the megamillions...you can try, but nothing will come of it except wasted effort and dissapointment...


----------



## My Hearse

SilentLyric said:


> I feel like getting a girl to actually message you back on dating websties is like the equivalent of trying to pick the 6 right numbers for the megamillions...you can try, but *nothing will come of it except wasted effort and dissapointment...*


Basically.

Quit online dating as soon as you can.

It's hard to do it but it's really relieving once you go through with it.


----------



## My Hearse

Listening to Black Metal and being kvlt.


----------



## Stray Bullet

SilentLyric said:


> I feel like getting a girl to actually message you back on dating websties is like the equivalent of trying to pick the 6 right numbers for the megamillions...you can try, but nothing will come of it except wasted effort and dissapointment...


getting a girl to message you back on a dating site is the easiest thing ever.
you just have to send a personalized, non-generic message.
read her profile. you don't even have to read everything, just find something you want to talk about.
don't make a message too long. one sentence or two( comment + question) is enough.
one in two girls will reply.


----------



## 3677

I was on plenty of fish and meet me and grindr (in gay) and there was a lot of dudes wanting to hook up but nobody wanted a serious relationship. FML I don't want sex. I want commitment.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

3677 said:


> I was on plenty of fish and meet me and grindr (in gay) and there was a lot of dudes wanting to hook up but nobody wanted a serious relationship. FML I don't want sex. I want commitment.


Hm a lot of guys aren't interested in committed relationships if they can get regular sex from a variety of men. The pitfalls of being gay I guess if you want a relationship - there are plenty of other guys offering sex.

At the same time grindr isn't going to be any use if you want an actual relationship. I guess you could try meeting a guy at some kind of lgbt group on meetup.com if there are any near where you live. Might work out better, might not.


----------



## 3677

Persephone The Dread said:


> Hm a lot of guys aren't interested in committed relationships if they can get regular sex from a variety of men. The pitfalls of being gay I guess if you want a relationship - there are plenty of other guys offering sex.
> 
> At the same time grindr isn't going to be any use if you want an actual relationship. I guess you could try meeting a guy at some kind of lgbt group on meetup.com if there are any near where you live. Might work out better, might not.


Meetup.com huh? I might look into that. Thanks man! Much appreciated. I do see a gay men hiking group and they are taking new members. That's the closet one I could attend but there are only six members and they are all - excuse me - gorgeous. Like I feel disgustingly ugly in comparison. Heh. I'll mull it over. I'll try to work up the nerve maybe but my palms are sweating just thinking about it. I wish I could meet a cute shy boy who likes to stay indoors and do nothing like myself lmao. I can dream I guess. Honestly I'm probably going to die alone. I guess. Lol.


----------



## Darktower776

Well not really much to do actually getting a girl but I did sort of flirt with this customer at work. I was kind of briefly checking her out and she noticed. She asked me to help her find something and I talked to her a bit. Plenty of smiling very friendly.

But then later in the day after work I totally chickened out of talking to the cute girl that works at the grocery store. She had dyed her hair which was something I could've used as a talking point but once I got close as I was leaving I just kept pushing the cart out the door and didn't say anything. Ugh.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

3677 said:


> Meetup.com huh? I might look into that. Thanks man! Much appreciated. I do see a gay men hiking group and they are taking new members. That's the closet one I could attend but there are only six members and they are all - excuse me - gorgeous. Like I feel disgustingly ugly in comparison. Heh. I'll mull it over. I'll try to work up the nerve maybe but my palms are sweating just thinking about it. I wish I could meet a cute shy boy who likes to stay indoors and do nothing like myself lmao. I can dream I guess. Honestly I'm probably going to die alone. I guess. Lol.


No problem, hopefully the site will be of use.

That is a small group.. But then who knows maybe the small group size will give you more of an opportunity to get to know them and see if you hit it off with any of them. If you don't mind hiking it's probably worth a try. You're not a bad looking guy btw based on your avatar so don't be too hard on yourself.

Although if you want to find someone who enjoys hanging out at home more like you say, maybe a hiking group isn't the best option  maybe look for something that's indoors then.


----------



## 3677

Persephone The Dread said:


> No problem, hopefully the site will be of use.
> 
> That is a small group.. But then who knows maybe the small group size will give you more of an opportunity to get to know them and see if you hit it off with any of them. If you don't mind hiking it's probably worth a try. You're not a bad looking guy btw based on your avatar so don't be too hard on yourself.
> 
> Although if you want to find someone who enjoys hanging out at home more like you say, maybe a hiking group isn't the best option  maybe look for something that's indoors then.


You're my fav. 
Thanks for the advice man. 
Idk I probably do need to get out more. It would be good for me. I'm patient. I'm only 24. Maybe I'll find my soul mate one day.


----------



## SilentLyric

Stray Bullet said:


> getting a girl to message you back on a dating site is the easiest thing ever.
> you just have to send a personalized, non-generic message.
> read her profile. you don't even have to read everything, just find something you want to talk about.
> don't make a message too long. one sentence or two( comment + question) is enough.
> one in two girls will reply.


they still don't reply. girls on dating websites are just bad at replying back.


----------



## Rex87

SilentLyric said:


> they still don't reply. girls on dating websites are just bad at replying back.


It's not as easy as Stray Bullet says....I mean 1 of 2, lol, sometimes I couldn't even get 1 of 20. At the same time, women will reply, I probably messaged 10,000 women, 1000 replied, had some type of conversation with 500, got 50 numbers maybe(or less), dated a little less than 10. Some of these numbers may be off, but its close enough. And this is like 7-9 years being on online dating with several years in the beginning of never dating anyone off there(because I simply didn't know how to seal the deal so to speak...you know, get her off the site and get her into me).

Online dating does work though, you can find you a fling, gf, or the love of your life. Women not replying is just due to so many dudes messaging her, yeah it can be very frustrating for the guy(I know it is for me, I seriously hate when I have to go back online) but that's just how online dating works. Take it or leave it. It does work though.


----------



## Explorer5

I have done/am doing the following:
--Have a profile on OKCupid
--Started a Meetup group for other "late bloomers" in my area
--Have visited Meetup groups for people on the autism spectrum
--Post on forums for people on the spectrum, to see if anyone's near me and wants to meet up
--When hiking places, I start conversations with women walking alone when they seem up for it (and _occasionally_, one will start a conversation with _me_).
--Have joined the site No Longer Lonely (unfortunately, there seem to be very few active members on there)
--Have been trying to make female friends here on SAS. The point to this is two-fold. First, there may be someone in my area in the same boat on here. However, even if there isn't, I hope to meet people in my situation on here anywhere in the world. A big part of my problem is that I've lost confidence that there _even exist_ attractive women who are adults and single and looking for the same type of relationship I am. Even knowing they're out there _somewhere_ helps a lot.

Any other suggestions?


----------



## gunner21

Explorer5 said:


> I have done/am doing the following:
> --Have a profile on OKCupid
> --Started a Meetup group for other "late bloomers" in my area
> --Have visited Meetup groups for people on the autism spectrum
> --Post on forums for people on the spectrum, to see if anyone's near me and wants to meet up
> --When hiking places, I start conversations with women walking alone when they seem up for it (and _occasionally_, one will start a conversation with _me_).
> --Have joined the site No Longer Lonely (unfortunately, there seem to be very few active members on there)
> --Have been trying to make female friends here on SAS. The point to this is two-fold. First, there may be someone in my area in the same boat on here. However, even if there isn't, I hope to meet people in my situation on here anywhere in the world. A big part of my problem is that I've lost confidence that there _even exist_ attractive women who are adults and single and looking for the same type of relationship I am. Even knowing they're out there _somewhere_ helps a lot.
> 
> Any other suggestions?


Just one: Stop wasting your time on online dating websites.


----------



## Deprogrammed

*Trying*

For this girl I'm getting clean which is a little harder then I thought it would be and a job hopein it helps my chances&#128513; she's worth it to me so ima give it a shot


----------



## CaptainPeanuts

Without sarcasm of any sort, I just plan on losing weight and eventually moving away after school so I can actually get a chance with someone without any history haunting my chances.


----------



## SilentLyric

going to a bar again.


----------



## Explorer5

gunner21 said:


> Just one: Stop wasting your time on online dating websites.


Why is it wasting my time?


----------



## SilentLyric

bars aren't that great of an option, I have found.


----------



## uziq

so this girl and i have been texting like non-stop for about 2 weeks now, but the convo seems to be dying.. not out of lack of conversation, but she's starting to seem less interested. which is really unfortunate. i know i'm gonna be sad as hell when this one invariably goes, because this is the closest connection i've had with a girl in years.

(the reason we haven't met irl yet is because she visits my city only periodically, she lives about 4 hours away)


----------



## uziq

ugh man


----------



## McFly

I was in the store and this attractive tattooed biker chick was giving me lots of looks (I seem to attract that type). And she came up to me with a selfie stick she grabbed off the wall and said "let take a selfie together!" playfully. My anxiety went through the roof and I laughed nervously and got the heck out of there, didn't even finish my shopping. God I hate myself sometimes.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Nothing. I do not care about that right now.


----------



## uziq

just got the ol' "not ready for a relationship" spiel

at least this time I was talking to the girl for like a month so if anything i got conversation experience


----------



## rymo

This thread still going strong. Brings a tear to my eye :crying:



uziq said:


> just got the ol' "not ready for a relationship" spiel
> 
> at least this time I was talking to the girl for like a month so if anything i got conversation experience


Super positive attitude man. I don't know if I could handle that situation so well after putting so much time in and everything. But it is absolutely the right way to look at it. Nice job. Next one will be easier.


----------



## uziq

rymo said:


> This thread still going strong. Brings a tear to my eye :crying:
> 
> Super positive attitude man. I don't know if I could handle that situation so well after putting so much time in and everything. But it is absolutely the right way to look at it. Nice job. Next one will be easier.


Well, I'm aware of the positives of the situation, but I'm suffering pretty hard. I don't get why she waited so long to tell me this after my numerous flirts. She's just too nice I guess.


----------



## MamaDoe

I burn a snippet of her hair during rituals.


----------



## Karsten

uziq said:


> Well, I'm aware of the positives of the situation, but I'm suffering pretty hard. I don't get why she waited so long to tell me this after my numerous flirts. She's just too nice I guess.


Yeah, I feel you man. Some people are just weird.


----------



## rymo

uziq said:


> Well, I'm aware of the positives of the situation, but I'm suffering pretty hard. I don't get why she waited so long to tell me this after my numerous flirts. She's just too nice I guess.


Why did you say she wasn't ready for a relationship? Did you ask her to be your gf? Also - not sure the whole story: did you ever actually meet her in person before?


----------



## uziq

rymo said:


> Why did you say she wasn't ready for a relationship? Did you ask her to be your gf? Also - not sure the whole story: did you ever actually meet her in person before?


She said she had gotten out of a 4 year relationship 2 months ago. So that would be 1 month after I started talking to her. I just straight up told her I had feelings for her and asked if she felt the same. Figured I had nothing to lose since it had been a month and I still had no idea what she was looking for.

No, I haven't met her irl. We snapchat each other, but she lives a state over. She visits my area like once a month for family.


----------



## rymo

uziq said:


> She said she had gotten out of a 4 year relationship 2 months ago. So that would be 1 month after I started talking to her. I just straight up told her I had feelings for her and asked if she felt the same. Figured I had nothing to lose since it had been a month and I still had no idea what she was looking for.
> 
> No, I haven't met her irl. We snapchat each other, but she lives a state over. She visits my area like once a month for family.


Then my only recommendation would be: don't rush into feelings and relationship proposals and such before you've even met a girl in person. Just focus on figuring out how to meet up and then having fun with her in real life, flirting, getting a little physical, etc. Relationship stuff can come later.


----------



## My Hearse

Nothing. 

I gave up on women a long time ago. 

My life is devoted to magic now.


----------



## maninabox

I'm on POF,OKcupid,Eharmony, and Match. I've had 3 dates with the same girl from Eharmony. She's on a week vacation and seems excited to go on another date when she gets back, so I'm hopeful.


----------



## Brandeezy

maninabox said:


> I'm on POF,OKcupid,Eharmony, and Match. I've had 3 dates with the same girl from Eharmony. She's on a week vacation and seems excited to go on another date when she gets back, so I'm hopeful.


Maybe I should try EHarmony again. I've been on every dating site throughout 5+ years and haven't met anyone. Most recently OKC and POF but no results. The problem is that i'm short for a guy and not that attractive


----------



## nubly

Explorer5 said:


> I have done/am doing the following:
> --Have a profile on OKCupid
> --Started a Meetup group for other "late bloomers" in my area
> --Have visited Meetup groups for people on the autism spectrum
> --Post on forums for people on the spectrum, to see if anyone's near me and wants to meet up
> --When hiking places, I start conversations with women walking alone when they seem up for it (and _occasionally_, one will start a conversation with _me_).
> --Have joined the site No Longer Lonely (unfortunately, there seem to be very few active members on there)
> --Have been trying to make female friends here on SAS. The point to this is two-fold. First, there may be someone in my area in the same boat on here. However, even if there isn't, I hope to meet people in my situation on here anywhere in the world. A big part of my problem is that I've lost confidence that there _even exist_ attractive women who are adults and single and looking for the same type of relationship I am. Even knowing they're out there _somewhere_ helps a lot.
> 
> Any other suggestions?


Ask a woman out for some coffee.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kevin001

I joined a dating site today, not sure how that will work out though. I don't even have a car.....ugh.


----------



## maninabox

Brandeezy said:


> Maybe I should try EHarmony again. I've been on every dating site throughout 5+ years and haven't met anyone. Most recently OKC and POF but no results. The problem is that i'm short for a guy and not that attractive


You've just got to be persistent. I'm not that great looking and don't get much action on dating sites, but I'll sometimes find one who will talk to me and get to know me. It only takes 1 girl .


----------



## StephCurry

Nothing. There are far more important things in life than getting girls.


Getting a girlfriend is no longer a priority for me.


----------



## k_wifler

Oh yeah... This thread exists...

I'm about to work up the courage and make a hobo beggar sign asking for a girlfriend, and hang out on the side of a busy road, or go to the mall, or hang out outside the food bank when they're open. I know I'm in for a LOT of agony, but, I can't bring myself to speak properly around attractive women... I need to do this deliberately, especially in this part of the world where the norm is one-night stands and sleeping around with everyone. That's natural, so I can't have things happen naturally.

I'm still thinking of what my sign should say...
maybe...

DISABLED
HOPELESS
NEED SKINNY GF
FOR LONG TERM

or

MY BODY IS TRYING TO KILL ME
I DONT WANT MONEY
I JUST NEED LOVE
PLEASE HELP

well, there are two sides to a cardboard sign...


----------



## Kevin001

Trying and striking out pretty much. I talked to this one local girl on the phone last night and she sounded so mature. She is very independent, experienced, and so damn talkative. I'm not saying I don't have a shot but she is intimidating.


----------



## ShhBrad

After 10 years of using dating sites (POF and OKCupid) I can honestly say that I believe dating sites are THE ABSOLUTE WORST way to meet women. Should they still be used? Maybe...but only sparingly and as a supplement to other efforts. 

I've met/dated/etc. many women from dating sites in 10 years, but the issue is that whatever social skills you and I may be lacking in life aren't going to be cultivated by trying to meet women on dating sites. There is only one answer that I know of and that is to get out there and meet people. I'm not giving up. I'm not sitting back and hoping the "right one" falls into my lap. I'm going out and meeting people.

I've been so nervous approaching and talking to a woman, her mother commented that she thought I was going to pass out. I approached her and asked her out with her mother right next to her. I was sweating profusely, my heart was pounding, I felt like I might pass out. But I did it anyway. Sometimes what you fear most is what most needs to be done. 

This is only like my 5th comment on this forum and I've already gotten flack for stating that I don't have social anxiety. While I don't believe I have SA, I think the troubles in my love life probably reflect someone who has SA. That's what led me to this forum to begin with. Searching for answers to problems that so many others on this site seem to have.

That said, I offer the same challenge again that I've posted on here once before. Anyone who has given up, wants to give up, feels hopeless about ever finding love, get out there in real life and meet people. The way that "normal" people meet each other. In every day life. School, work, the library, the park, supermarket. Go out. When you see someone you think is attractive or interesting, talk to them, ask him or her out. If you're thinking "Easier said than done," or "What do you know if you don't suffer from SA?" then please trust me that I know how terrifying it can be. I've heard of a real-life Navy SEAL who feared nothing, yet was still too terrified to talk to women. What makes the difference is being afraid and still doing it anyway. That's bravery. Bravery is rewarded.

Go out and meet 1,000 women. Or men, or whatever you're into. One thousand. No matter how terrified you are, do it anyway, and you'll be rewarded. By the end, your entire life will probably have changed and you might even find someone. Make it 10,000 if you have to. I have no intentions of giving up. I'm gonna keep going. If I never find the right one for me, at least I'll be able to say I did everything I could do and I never gave up.


----------



## Kevin001

Um just talking to a few girls online and by phone at this point. I am surprised at the type of girls I'm talking to though. Hopefully I can meet up with some of them eventually. Idk, I'm trying.


----------



## Kevin001

I'm talking to this great girl online. She really likes me and wants to meet me in the near future. Too good to be true tbh, considering we've only been talking for a few days. She wants me to stop talking to other girls. I'm not a liar whatsoever, so I can't say I will and don't. 

I want to just make her my one and only, its just that I have that feeling in the back of my mind that the more she knows about me the more she will be turned away. Idk, I will just open up fully to her and see where things go before I stop talking to other people.


----------



## coeur_brise

rymo said:


> Then my only recommendation would be: don't rush into feelings and relationship proposals and such before you've even met a girl in person. Just focus on figuring out how to meet up and then having fun with her in real life, flirting, getting a little physical, etc. Relationship stuff can come later.


My counter to this is that a girl is ready when she is ready. If it truly wasn't in her heart to get involved, it doesn't matter how long you take to get to know her. unfortunately, time is not always directly related to getting far with someone. It usually is but not always.


----------



## AnxiousGuy9

Absolutely nothing. I'm single right now and loving it (usually). Yes it sucks being single sometimes but it also has it's upside.


----------



## Findedeux

I almost asked a girl out today.

Having a hard time telling definitively if this girl likes me.


----------



## WinterDave

I am laying lots of snares around the female restroom at work....

I am going to check the traps tomorrow to see if I have caught anything....


----------



## Kevin001

I'm talking to a few girls at the moment. A couple locally. I might be meeting with them soon, idk. Just trying to put myself out there.


----------



## gunner21

Why is that so many girls on online dating say "just going with the flow"? What does that even mean? To me, that kills any interest I may have had because it automatically translates to "I have no interest in actually meeting up".


----------



## Kevin001

Striking out big time. People losing interest in me, some pretending to be someone their not, and other issues.....ugh. But I'm enjoying every moment and I will keep trying.


----------



## Bored Alien

I haven't done anything to try since fall.


----------



## uziq

well i've gained about 10 lbs of fat, have picked up heavy drinking, and pretty much stay in my room all day

so you could say I'll have a gf in no time


----------



## AngelClare

WinterDave said:


> I am laying lots of snares around the female restroom at work....
> 
> I am going to check the traps tomorrow to see if I have caught anything....


What did you use for bait?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

So if someone's inbox is full you can pay a dollar to message them anyway.....if someone's 300 message inbox is full, I think it's a sign they're not really using the site anymore.


----------



## McFly

Theres a girl at CVS that seems to be interested, she watches me around the store and acts excited when I get to her register and is asking me questions about myself. Not terribly attracted to her lookswise but she has a nice personality. 

Not that anything is going to come about this. I'm thinking of investing in a set of sweat pants from Walmart and spending my free time watching The Price is Right while eating pizza from now on.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

I asked a girl out in my dream last night. She said no. True story. :serious::grin2:


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

I just try to be myself, I heard that works wonders 

So I just act like a needy clingy little troll and it's working great. I mean I'm drowning in pus*y.


No really, don't do that, if you are needy just don't be yourself. Better fake it till yo make it, but don't fake it too much.

Last girl I invited out was like a year ago, since then I took a pause.


----------



## mattingly94

I made a profile on okcupid. I started a few conversations with some girls and some girls actually started one with me. This is my first time on a dating site and I am learning as I go. One girl I really liked but I don't think she is to much into me. She still talks to me but its hard to understand people in person let alone on a dating site. I felt a little rejection and I have done alot of work when it comes to dealing with my SA. I thought I had it all figured out but rejection is still a tough one for me. I do get a feeling that I will meet the right girl in person and not through anything online. That being said I will keep all possibilities open. You never know if you don't try I guess.


----------



## uziq

it's said that love is most likely to come when you're not looking

can't say i've found love quite yet, but i am dating someone (from here) that i really like when i had basically given up on getting myself "out there"


----------



## Kevin001

Um just talking to girls online, texting, calling. Flirting with a few irl but nothing serious. I will keep trying though. I'm way more confident talking to girls these days than ever before.


----------



## ActuallyBrittany

Kevin001 said:


> Um just talking to girls online, texting, calling. Flirting with a few irl but nothing serious. I will keep trying though.* I'm way more confident talking to girls these days than ever before*.


Have you tried Meetup. ?


----------



## Kevin001

ActuallyBrittany said:


> Have you tried Meetup. ?


Meetup.com? Meet with girls irl? There isn't too many interesting groups in my area. I thought I was going to meet with some but got ghosted.


----------



## JaegerLover217

i had 2 matches on Tinder lately, but the first one ended up flaking on me after i set up a date with her, i attempted to reschedule with her but she wasn't cooperative, the next girl, i did get a first date with her but no second date, even though i asked, she texted me back saying she didn't feel a connection with me.


----------



## gunner21

Was travelling on a subway, got talking to this girl and eventually got her number. It's the first time I've ever gotten a girl's number in a natural setting. (i.e: not online dating)

Didn't really lead to anything because she ghosted me, but whatever. At least I showed I had the ability to captivate a complete stranger for 15 minutes. Small victories, right?


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

There was one day last week where multiple attractive women started conversations with me and acted at least a little interested with the way they were making jokes and laughing. It was unusual, wish I knew what I did different that day. Obviously I couldn't do anything with that since I was pretty far upstate. Maybe upstate women have lower standards?


----------



## Kevin001

Hmm I a few girls have been "liking me" on the dating site but nothing going on. I'm just talking to a few girls online atm.


----------



## k_wifler

I've been posting personal ads on reddit Every. Single. Day. because I'm obsessed with getting a stable long term relationship.
It's hard to find love online, at least for me, because I don't like to chat with strangers, I want to meet and become friends and get serious so that I can open up and share my dark controversial inner thoughts. All of the girls who respond seem so far away, often in other countries, and they stop chatting suddenly without any goodbye or anything. And they usually don't even want to meet. Locals don't seem interested in me at all.


----------



## uziq

uziq said:


> it's said that love is most likely to come when you're not looking
> 
> can't say i've found love quite yet, but i am dating someone (from here) that i really like when i had basically given up on getting myself "out there"


we're still going strong☺


----------



## anyoldkindofday

.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Sitting in my apartment all day playing video games and praying that Kate Upton 2.0 comes knocking on my front door... 


21 years later...



Yup still waiting :'(


----------



## grimmer

Waiting? About all I can do right now.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk


----------



## gunner21

grimmer said:


> Waiting? About all I can do right now.
> 
> Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk


----------



## grimmer

That can't be me. The skel is outside.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk


----------



## thtmansam

Right now I'm practically doing nothing at all to get a girl. I'm too picky to get one or maybe its just the females in my area. Im just awaiting the day I will go on a voyage around the world just to find the right female instead. I really feel like I have very little options here and don't find many girls from the DMV attractive in any way. The day the right girl comes to me and becomes my girlfriend will either be the day im acting in a roleplay or the earth becomes flat. 

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## uptownzz409

I need help. So I've been talking to this girl for a while now and things been going great. We met and I even got my first kiss but now she's just ignoring me and idk what I did wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Findedeux

Sounds like a healthy attitude to have :grin2:



mattingly94 said:


> I made a profile on okcupid. I started a few conversations with some girls and some girls actually started one with me. This is my first time on a dating site and I am learning as I go. One girl I really liked but I don't think she is to much into me. She still talks to me but its hard to understand people in person let alone on a dating site. I felt a little rejection and I have done alot of work when it comes to dealing with my SA. I thought I had it all figured out but rejection is still a tough one for me. I do get a feeling that I will meet the right girl in person and not through anything online. That being said I will keep all possibilities open. You never know if you don't try I guess.


----------



## rdrr

uptownzz409 said:


> I need help. So I've been talking to this girl for a while now and things been going great. We met and I even got my first kiss but now she's just ignoring me and idk what I did wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't do anything. Enjoy life's pursuits and offers. Honestly it is more than likely she just wasn't into you, kiss or not, and that's fine, it's nothing you did wrong.


----------



## uptownzz409

*Update*



rdrr said:


> Don't do anything. Enjoy life's pursuits and offers. Honestly it is more than likely she just wasn't into you, kiss or not, and that's fine, it's nothing you did wrong.


We started talking again, she claimed that she's been going through a lot but she actually loves me. I'm still taking it pretty slow because I'm not sure if she's messing with me.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I gave my number to a gal who asked for it at work on Saturday night. We'll see if I hear from her


----------



## rdrr

uptownzz409 said:


> We started talking again, she claimed that she's been going through a lot but she actually loves me. I'm still taking it pretty slow because I'm not sure if she's messing with me.


Hmm, just be careful that she isn't stringing you along and playing mind games with that type of talk.


----------



## Bawsome

Realizing and being honest with my self that a lot of my problems with the world and the opposite sex are actually my own insecurities and shortcomings and come from within rather than from the outside so are actually totally my responsibility and only actually become a problem when i try to avoid this responsibility so i must take responsibility for my problems and gain confidence and self esteem as a consequence of dealing with these problems correctly.


----------



## Kevin001

Same stuff....dating sites, texts, phone calls, skype, etc. I need to get more stuff done irl though. Just not much opportunity.....I just need to keep making myself available I guess.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Absolutely nothing! 

I don't even care anymore. I just try to talk to girls around campus when I can but not with the intention of romantic interest. I just do it because I want to get comfortable talking to both guys and girls. Once I do this, I will be one step closer to finding a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, i'm still absolutely terrible with women. I have no idea how to be funny, i'm not particularly charismatic and most women arne't initially attracted to me. I just try to be nice and polite and ask them questions about themselves and rely on the second or third impression and let feelings develop, I'm probably not going to be attracting anybody with the first impression to be honest. I start off slow but get better with time, that's all.


And it's not that i'm funny and I have no sense of humor, it's just that I am these things ONCE I get comfortable around you and since i'm usually shy around women, I become serious-natured so women think i'm more serious than I actually am.


----------



## ravens

Nothing at all and I'll just go on like I've always done. I guess some people are meant to be alone for their whole lives.


----------



## Mark Hunt

Just had to let that one go.


----------



## k_wifler

I'm so scarred by rejection from the world, then from kids at school, and then from dating sites, that I can't say I ever want to date or talk about dating or chat with a strange girl ever again unless she promises that she'll be okay with whatever stupid stuff I say to her. I just want to get to the hanging out at home alone together for the rest of our lives stuff, and take each day as it comes regarding dating and chatting... Surely there are women out there who want the same...? In the mean time, I might do the swipe-everyone-right thing on tinder, and maybe finish my girlfriend beggar sign 2.0 eventually...


----------



## Darktower776

Not a whole lot. Just got to keep improving myself and my life where it needs it, I guess. Tried talking to a girl that I like and it didn't go the best but I'll try again.


----------



## SilentLyric

Darktower776 said:


> Not a whole lot. Just got to keep improving myself and my life where it needs it, I guess.* Tried talking to a girl that I like and it didn't go the best but I'll try again*.


what do you mean by this? did you make her upset or something? doesn't sound like something to give up on entirely.


----------



## Darktower776

SilentLyric said:


> what do you mean by this? did you make her upset or something? doesn't sound like something to give up on entirely.


No I didn't upset or her anything. Just felt like I came off as really awkward. I had things to talk about but couldn't make myself actually say them. I'm not going to give up on it, I'll try again in the future if I get the chance.


----------



## gunner21

I started going to college recently. How the hell do make gfs at college? It seems so hard.


----------



## SilentLyric

Darktower776 said:


> No I didn't upset or her anything. Just felt like I came off as really awkward. I had things to talk about but couldn't make myself actually say them. I'm not going to give up on it, I'll try again in the future if I get the chance.


ah, i know that feel, as a rather awkward person myself...I think it's nerves that take over and makes it difficult to just talk and enjoy the conversation.


----------



## Mark Hunt

Giving up. No self-respecting woman would ever, nor should ever, even be looking in my direction.


----------



## Kevin001

Nothing much just telling @CurrentlyJaded how beautiful she is all day everyday. I think it might be working. :grin2:


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Not doing anything for a relationship but I think I'm gonna take up a gal on a hook up request this week


----------



## KILOBRAVO

gunner21 said:


> I started going to college recently. How the hell do make gfs at college? It seems so hard.


its good youre going to college tho. When i went for the year, my class and the year was was 99% guys. We went out for lunch, library, in around the campus area, common room blah blah.. in plenty of places where there were other people all around. No girls ever spoke to us and none of the guys ever spoke to anyone else out with their classes (well i remember one guy trying to half chat up a girl in the library one session but she couldn't be bothered with him LOL)

No chances ever seemed to arise So, dotn count that place as a guarantee of meeting anyone there. After all the place is for study not a hook up bar.

Mind you, i wasn't looking because i was being faithful to a female i had already been in contact with for a year to that point and that lasted 2.5 until she proved to be unfaithful and disrespectful in the end. and that was ironic because that very same neurotic woman tried to talk me out of going to college because she accused me that i would "talk to all the available pretty girls there and forget about her."

But at the college there People seemed to keep to their own groups and basically seems to keep themselves in their own bubble of their year group. Weird and not what i expected that year, although there were basically no females in the year doing that course lol. A lot of who you meet is luck, and circumstances. Mind you, i think college/uni culture ARE virtually a world apart in between the UK and US


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

feeling pathetic and desperate hitting up every woman in this city for sex on okcupid while i'm at this hotel tonight,  fml


----------



## KILOBRAVO

Wings of Amnesty said:


> feeling pathetic and desperate hitting up every woman in this city for sex on okcupid while i'm at this hotel tonight,  fml


there is nothing pathetic about trying at least. what will you do if one of them actually says yes.?


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

KILOBRAVO said:


> there is nothing pathetic about trying at least. what will you do if one of them actually says yes.?


I'll invite her to the hotel of course.


----------



## WinterDave

I am going to take my date to a porn theater....

If it's good enough for Travis Bickle....


----------



## Kevin001

Just working my magic on @CurrentlyJaded.


----------



## pied vert

uptownzz409 said:


> We started talking again, she claimed that she's been going through a lot but she actually loves me. I'm still taking it pretty slow because I'm not sure if she's messing with me.


She's messing with you whether or not she means to.
If it was seriously this thing, then she would let you in on it. The "I love you" is basically "I still have use for you and would prefer to keep you as an option"

Easy for me to say though. I fall for the same sht every time without taking my own advice.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@*pied vert*

Don't be too hard on yourself. :hug

Back to thread, for me, nothing.

I wish I could be loved that way, but I don't think that is possible. :crying:

But I wish you all the best in finding that someone for you.


----------



## pied vert

ANX1 said:


> I wish I could be loved that way, but I don't think that is possible. :crying:
> But I wish you all the best in finding that someone for you.


anxie i think you're already quite loved!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

pied vert said:


> anxie i think you're already quite loved!


Thank you for your kind words. 

By family, but it's not the same as a SO.


----------



## pied vert

ANX1 said:


> Thank you for your kind words.
> 
> By family, but it's not the same as a SO.


I meant by us, but yes I know what you mean. :squeeze


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

pied vert said:


> I meant by us, but yes I know what you mean. :squeeze


Thank you for your kind words, it's much appreciated.  :hug


----------



## Tabris

Getting swole


----------



## Red October

Not a single thing


----------



## Kevin001

Just flirting online and irl, nothing serious now. Got some prospects though we'll see.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Working on a proposal


----------



## Kevin001

Jesuszilla said:


> Working on a proposal


Like engagement?


----------



## Jesuszilla

Kevin001 said:


> Like engagement?


Yes

Even had this thing made so when I'm ready to ask


----------



## Kevin001

Jesuszilla said:


> Yes
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Even had this thing made so when I'm ready to ask


Oh wow! Congrats bro, I had no idea. Last time I checked you were crushin on some girl at your job. Happy for you. Best of luck to you.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Oh wow, I forgot about her. Haven't been at that job in almost 3 years now. Those were the days I used to vent all the time on this very thread haha I don't miss them

Thanks you bro


----------



## CopadoMexicano

Using online dating such as pof at the moment but what I want and need are different. I seem to attract the wrong kinds of women its weird.


----------



## ThatGuy11200

I'm doing the usual; being boring and making a fool of myself.


----------



## Kevin001

Just got a girl's number, seems promising. Never know though.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Tomorrow I'm getting a haircut & buying some new clothes...it might help


----------



## Kevin001

Striking out bad, but the experience is definitely helping me.


----------



## AllTheSame

Working on myself. Focusing on my job...my promotion to my new position at work is going really well, so far, so good. Eating better and working out again. 

~sent from my GalaxyS4


----------



## Karsten

There's a priority list going in my life right now and getting into a relationship is probably 34th on the list. If someone comes along, great; if not, I'm fine. 

I DO miss sex, though.


----------



## xxDark Horse

If I make it out alive today, i'm going to be joining clubs at my school. Anything to meet people, especially girls, anything to get more interaction with women. 

I will be using Tinder more, okcupid, plenty of fish, meetme, maybe other sites to try to get dates. 

The more interaction I can have with women, the better. It doesn't matter if it's a girl i'm interested in or not, it's just practice. 

The goal is to get some sort of experience with women when i'm 22. I don't care if that's losing my virginity, first kiss, or a girlfriend, all I know is that I want it to happen this year or I will be hugely disappointed. I'm off to a bad start but there's still plenty of time left.


----------



## Lawrencepa

Naff all. Except talking to girls online who are constantly in and out of my life. Maybe something would have escalated by now if I had the balls to meet any of them. In real life I never have initiated contact with any girls unless I was introduced. I'm growing more comfortable with being single by the day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## rdrr

being myself


----------



## DespairSenpai

Nothing, even if I did try it wouldn't amount to anything.


----------



## Richard Pawgins

I'm doing absolutely nothing and it's the most freeing beautiful experience I've ever had in my life

The act of trying to change or obtain that signifies there is suffering and you're not content

The last phone number I got from a woman was in 2007 _(in terms of trying to "pursue/holla" as one would say),_ I got her number and we talked a few times and she was nice and seemed interested.... but from that day on I promised myself that I'm finished. It simply became too tiresome and didn't care enough nor have the energy to play the cat and mouse game. I have no desire to court anyone and I often times feel sorry for people still caught up in that mess.

Letting that stuff go can seriously be extremely freeing.


----------



## Kevin001

Talking to multiple people right now but this one girl online particularly. She has 2 little ones though, just afraid she won't have time for me.


----------



## ogloko

i've seen girls out in public before who i thought were h e l l a cute & fit my preferences, but it was like i put them on a pedestal & couldn't even say hi. i really need to work on that.


----------



## Kevin001

Nothing much. Talking to a girl online but nothing serious just been too busy to talk to girls lately.....some pregnant chick wanted to talk the other day....nope.


----------



## ravens

Nothing at all. The last time I talked online with someone was over 4 months ago.


----------



## TheInvisibleHand

Kevin001 said:


> some pregnant chick wanted to talk the other day....nope.


Wow that's incredibly sexist,what do you have against pregnant women?


----------



## Kevin001

TheInvisibleHand said:


> Wow that's incredibly sexist,what do you have against pregnant women?


Lmao....not even sure why I'm responding but why would I date a girl who is about to have a baby? Too many red flags bro .


----------



## Kevin001

karenw said:


> Just think if you dated her you could spend all of your wages on her & the kid.:laugh:


I never thought about that, lmao.


----------



## blue2




----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing. Don't think I'm worth it to be honest. :stu


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> Nothing. Don't think I'm worth it to be honest. :stu


That's how I feel most of the time.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> That's how I feel most of the time.




It's terrible to feel that way.


----------



## thtmansam

ANX1 said:


> Nothing. Don't think I'm worth it to be honest. :stu


Third @ that. I see relationships between people and well reality TV shows(Though it isn't completely realistic just similar I think) and I can't imagine myself in one. Like i'd probably be soo boring, annoying, or relationally ignorant, if that makes sense, to her. I still have little hope though, maybe I'm just impatient or over predicting what will happen when I get it one and it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in one

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## ljubo

ANX1 said:


> It's terrible to feel that way.


yes it is, i have been feeling like that since i was 14 or something. when did you start to have this thoughts that you are not good enough for women?


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

thtmansam said:


> Third @ that. I see relationships between people and well reality TV shows(Though it isn't completely realistic just similar I think) and I can't imagine myself in one. Like i'd probably be soo boring, annoying, or relationally ignorant, if that makes sense, to her. I still have little hope though, maybe I'm just impatient or over predicting what will happen when I get it one and it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in one
> 
> Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk




Some TV shows are based on reality (writers life with a few adjustments to the script to make it dramatic), as that is how they relate it to the audience.



ljubo said:


> yes it is, i have been feeling like that since i was 14 or something. when did you start to have this thoughts that you are not good enough for women?




I guess when I encountered some toxic women in my teens. I know not all women are like that, and learnt later on when got older that those women were projecting onto me their own problems to feel better.

Toxic men can do the same to women and make them feel similar. 

It's something both men and women go through when dealing with toxic people.


----------



## SparklingWater

ANX1 said:


> Nothing. Don't think I'm worth it to be honest. :stu





ravens said:


> That's how I feel most of the time.


:frown2:

Wow SA makes me so sad. You guys are some of the best most wonderful on the forum yet SA lies to you that anyone would be anything less than blessed to have you. Smh. This condition is so ****ed up the way it makes us see ourselves.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

realisticandhopeful said:


> :frown2:
> 
> Wow SA makes me so sad. You guys are some of the best most wonderful on the forum yet SA lies to you that anyone would be anything less than blessed to have you. Smh. This condition is so ****ed up the way it makes us see ourselves.


Thank you for your kind words. 

I know I'm not perfect, as I have my problems, issues.


----------



## funnynihilist

Nuttin' ,too much work...


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## RagnarLothbrok

Forgetting to shave, getting fat, avoiding going outside, concentrating on studying. It's working wonders so far.


----------



## Kevin001

Just waiting on God to reveal my future wife. Meh I'm talking to this one girl currently but tbh I need to end things asap, not trying to lead anyone on.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I made a friend request on Facebook but I don't expect much from it


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Nothing. Society makes it abundantly clear that fatherless men like myself are not "real men", apparently.


----------



## LonelyLurker

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Nothing. Society makes it abundantly clear that fatherless men like myself are not "real men", apparently.


What do you mean?

And to answer the question, I'm not actively doing anything. I guess I'm doing things that could potentially help (exercising, reaching out to people more, trying to give people more of a chance before I write them off) but I'm not doing any of those things to get a woman.

I guess I'm in a "if something presents itself I'll see where it goes but I'm not going out of my way to look for it" kind of mood (because I don't actually believe I'll ever find it so why bother).

Hopefully I'm wrong.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

LonelyLurker said:


> What do you mean?


This article describes that better than I can: https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Psychological-Effects-On-Men-Growing-Up-Without-A-Father

Oh, and this too:


----------



## LonelyLurker

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> This article describes that better than I can: https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Psychological-Effects-On-Men-Growing-Up-Without-A-Father


Oh, OK.

I can't see many prospective partners rejecting you for that though, is that really the reason you're not looking?

Just think of the sheer number of people raised in single parent families these days, even if there is an effect (I don't know if there is or not) it clearly seems to be surmountable.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

LonelyLurker said:


> Oh, OK.
> 
> I can't see many prospective partners rejecting you for that though, is that really the reason you're not looking?
> 
> Just think of the sheer number of people raised in single parent families these days, even if there is an effect (I don't know if there is or not) it clearly seems to be surmountable.


It is one of the reasons, as it still gets to me from time to time.

I am not exactly motivated enough to try and "get a girl" right now.


----------



## LonelyLurker

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> It is one of the reasons, as it still gets to me from time to time.
> 
> I am not exactly motivated enough to try and "get a girl" right now.


Yeah, I know what you mean.


----------



## Yer Blues

funnynihilist said:


> Nuttin' ,too much work...


Same here. I've decided to spend my money on hockey & losing my teeth.


----------



## Overdrive

Nothing, i avoid it, so much stress for me.


----------



## Karsten

Drinking copious amounts of chamomille tea.


----------



## mt moyt

i keep a comb in my shirt pocket


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## noydb

JeanLucDiscard said:


> Forgetting to shave, getting fat, avoiding going outside.





iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Nothing.





LonelyLurker said:


> I'm not actively doing anything.





Overdrive said:


> Nothing





ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


It's working! Hello boys... 



Karsten said:


> Drinking copious amounts of chamomille tea.





mt moyt said:


> i keep a comb in my shirt pocket


You guys are trying too hard. Such a turn off...


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@noydb

Thank you for your kind words.


----------



## noydb

ANX1 said:


> @noydb
> 
> Thank you for your kind words.


:grin2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

noydb said:


> :grin2:


:sus  :grin2:


----------



## LonelyLurker

noydb said:


> It's working! Hello boys...


Well you know what they say, "Stay at home, keep 'em keen", at least I think that's how it goes.


----------



## funnynihilist

I did do some light hiking with this woman from my past but I doubt anything will come from it.
Did have a good time though. At this age you just take the good times and don't worry about some heavy thing.


----------



## SplendidBob

I have started sneaking into the homes of well known alphas in the area, taking scrapings from them while they sleep, and am currently reverse engineering an alpha serum. I don't yet know how it will be administered.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

noydb said:


> It's working! Hello boys...


Hey there, girl!


----------



## Overdrive

@noydb


----------



## LonelyLurker

splendidbob said:


> I have started sneaking into the homes of well known alphas in the area, taking scrapings from them while they sleep, and am currently reverse engineering an alpha serum. I don't yet know how it will be administered.


Up the alpha I'd assume.:laugh:


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> Just waiting on God to reveal my future wife. Meh I'm talking to this one girl currently but tbh I need to end things asap, not trying to lead anyone on.


how will you know when God has revealed who you'll marry?


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> how do you know when God has revealed who you'll marry?


I personally believe you'll just know. God's timing is always right  Just have faith.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

Nothing at all.


----------



## Kevin001

Welp back at it. Dating sites, flirting irl, etc. Me without women is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the jelly.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Twilightforce

The only girls that like me are the ones in my dreams. I hope I have a good dream tonight.


----------



## Kevin001

Well I was chatting with this guest tonight...she was telling me she just broke up with her bf and stuff. Cute girl....33 I think works in accounting and is pretty independent. Didn't really get far, I got nervous lol.


----------



## Blue Dino

Kevin001 said:


> Well I was chatting with this guest tonight...she was telling me she just broke up with her bf and stuff. Cute girl....33 I think works in accounting and is pretty independent. Didn't really get far, I got nervous lol.


Isn't that a bit old for you?

It baffles me how some people can rant about those things to others so easily. Maybe it is easier to tell a stranger.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Kevin001

Blue Dino said:


> Isn't that a bit old for you?
> 
> It baffles me how some people can rant about those things to others so easily. Maybe it is easier to tell a stranger.


Old? That is normal, lol. My range is maybe 20-50. Meh idk I'm an open book so I think its normal.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Kevin001

Still just trusting in the Lord, not doing much though. But today this older lady goes so you work 2 jobs? Oh wow you're hard working man you're wife must be proud. I was like I'm single she goes you're kidding. Then she says so am I.....hmm. Not sure what to make of that.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Kevin001

Kevin001 said:


> Still just trusting in the Lord, not doing much though. But today this older lady goes so you work 2 jobs? Oh wow you're hard working man you're wife must be proud. I was like I'm single she goes you're kidding. Then she says so am I.....hmm. Not sure what to make of that.


So I see this lady at my other job tonight. She asks me if I have facebook to friend her....I was like nope. :fall She was shocked, lol. Anyways she gave me her name and ask when I worked at the other job. So idk.

Did meet a cute girl later on during the night...shook her hand and got her name .


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Bonfiya

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.





ANX1 said:


> Nothing.





ANX1 said:


> Nothing.





ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


At this rate, you'll have a harem of women in no time!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Bonfiya said:


> At this rate, you'll have a harem of women in no time!


I'll have to do renovations first.   :grin2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Me too. Yet again.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Me too. Yet again.


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Yeah the same as always.


----------



## ShadowOne

Taking a break. Been a mentally straining couple of months with this stuff


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I've personally been able to obtain a government grant in the hopes of developing a Silly Walk of my own. With a bit of luck I'll be beating them off with a stick before too long.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> Yeah the same as always.


----------



## creedbratton

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Join the club! :smile2:

Apparently, having anxiety is really harmful for a man to get a girlfriend but usually not the other way around. Who would have thunk it!?


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

creedbratton said:


> Join the club! :smile2:
> 
> Apparently, having anxiety is really harmful for a man to get a girlfriend but usually not the other way around. Who would have thunk it!?


I have seen some women with SA struggle to get a BF. It seems like both men and women struggle with this.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> I have seen some women with SA struggle to get a BF. It seems like both men and women struggle with this.


yeah. it's hard to get anything started even when the attraction appears to be mutual.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> yeah. it's hard to get anything started even when the attraction appears to be mutual.


Very true.


----------



## Awkwardpotato

tea111red said:


> yeah. it's hard to get anything started even when the attraction appears to be mutual.


That is a shame though. I've had a few situations where I was talking to a sweet guy and he seemed like he liked me, but then in the end, he'd always just walk away when I really wished that he'd ask me out or tell me he liked me. 
One of the two really needs to take the first step. Otherwise, it won't happen. 
I think I finally came to that realisation with my boyfriend, who was (in a very cute way) failing at every move he tried to make. I finally found the courage to ask him out and we've been together for 4 years now.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Awkwardpotato said:


> That is a shame though. I've had a few situations where I was talking to a sweet guy and he seemed like he liked me, but then in the end, he'd always just walk away when I really wished that he'd ask me out or tell me he liked me.
> One of the two really needs to take the first step. Otherwise, it won't happen.
> I think I finally came to that realisation with my boyfriend, who was (in a very cute way) failing at every move he tried to make. I finally found the courage to ask him out and we've been together for 4 years now.


That's seems so rare to me and scarcely hearing about it doesn't lessen that perspective. In general though some things are a certain way for good reason.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Same here. :sigh


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Same here. :sigh


----------



## Karsten

Swiping right. :lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Karsten said:


> Swiping right. :lol


I saw one, swipe left.  :grin2:


----------



## blue2

Nothing I'm not worth the bother tbh : /


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ljubo

I want a woman, not a girl.


----------



## thtmansam

All I'm doing is dreaming and waiting unfortunately. I know I have to talk to girls to try and get girls but. I just don't know how to do that + anxiety just makes me panic at the moment I wanna try. At least I've tried a few times but it didn't go far as I expected.

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## WinterDave

I usually set up snares around female restrooms, using tampons as lures....


----------



## wolfpack

Two words: Self Improvement.

By working on my own self improvement every day I am making myself more appealing to women. Would you date a girl who was dirty, out of shape, and worked in a fast food resturant? Probably not. Women want the same thing in men. What can you do to improve yourself? This is probably the most important question you can ask as someone with social anxiety. Heres what I thought was helpful:

- Go to the gym. This has done two things for me. It has kept me in shape and it has given me the confidence I need to talk to girls. Oh and it helps that your body looks more attractive too 

- Make more money. No, I don't mean make more money to attract gold diggers. I mean make more money so that you can have a nice wardrobe, new car (doesn't have to be luxury), and less stress of struggling to pay for bills. 

- Find a hidden talent/hobby. Let's say you enjoy kayaking. Work on kayaking and make sure your the best at it. Girls love guys who are passionate. Doesn't matter what you're passionate about as long as its healthy. 

- FIND FRIENDS THAT ARE GIRLS. Its always a great feeling when you talk to a girl and she introduces you to her friends. Girls like guys that hang out around girls. It makes them think "if she's talking to him then so can I". 

Just my advice, hope it helps.


----------



## unknovvn

Nothing. Not into females.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## DustyShinigami

Asked a girl out at work I have a crush on, but was turned down for a couple of reasons. Apart from that I've been trying online dating again, but given up on it. Again. Never get any replies to messages I send.


----------



## Ominous Indeed

I am trying ..


----------



## roxslide

Nothing yet but downloaded a few dating apps. I think I'm going to try to jump back into the dating pool soon... just after I get a new place to live in the next month ("living with my mom in between apartments" will just make me sound like a bum lol no thanks) ...and try to lose 5-10 pounds in the interim lol. I don't have money or an education yet (or ever maybe) so all I have is my mediocre appearance and cringey personality lol /cry

I thought maybe if I just waited around I'd meet someone and I did but they were all taken and/or not interested lol. If that doesn't work maybe I will join some groups or something to meet someone.


----------



## Twilightforce

I'm trying to find out what girls are doing to get me.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing, just not worth any woman's time. :crying:


----------



## harrison

ANX1 said:


> Nothing, just not worth any woman's time. :crying:


That's definitely not true mate - you're just just going through a bad time. You'll feel better soon, don't worry.

Edit: and I'm not doing a damn thing, I'm too tired. (and old)


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@don

I'm not sure about that. 

But thank you for your kind words mate.


----------



## harrison

ANX1 said:


> @don
> 
> I'm not sure about that.
> 
> But thank you for your kind words mate.


Definitely something going on with you atm. You're one of the nicest people here - any girl would be lucky to get you.

Don't believe all the stuff you're thinking at the moment mate - it sounds like you're depressed. Hopefully you'll be back to your normal self soon.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

don said:


> Definitely something going on with you atm. You're one of the nicest people here - any girl would be lucky to get you.
> 
> Don't believe all the stuff you're thinking at the moment mate - it sounds like you're depressed. Hopefully you'll be back to your normal self soon.


I'm dealing with life changing issues in my life. My life is in my hands and I have to step up to the plate to save it and with SA it makes it harder to do.

I just see myself as not worthy enough for women. 

My life could be literally destroyed next week.


----------



## harrison

ANX1 said:


> I'm dealing with life changing issues in my life. My life is in my hands and I have to step up to the plate to save it and with SA it makes it harder to do.
> 
> I just see myself as not worthy enough for women.
> 
> My life could be literally destroyed next week.


Don't worry about girls right now - there'll be time enough for them later.

Get through whatever is bothering you first.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

don said:


> Don't worry about girls right now - there'll be time enough for them later.
> 
> Get through whatever is bothering you first.


Ok, thank you for your advice.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Nothing. Need to focus on me first.


----------



## SASer213504

I go to a brothel

Sent from my BLU LIFE ONE X using Tapatalk


----------



## SASer213504

ANX1 said:


> Ok, thank you for your advice.


You are a very supportive person. I wish you find someone that cares about you, love you and support you.

Sent from my BLU LIFE ONE X using Tapatalk


----------



## KILOBRAVO

What are you doing? Hmm... should anyone have to do ''anything''? If you're decent looking and someone's attracted to you, then they should come to you. 

Maybe all you need to ''do'' is be yourself?


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

SASer213504 said:


> I go to a brothel


You are a kinkster, eh?

:lol :haha


----------



## SASer213504

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> You are a kinkster, eh?
> 
> :haha


Kinkster? not really &#128522;... it's kinda sad actually.... for me to get it like that but hey... What can i do?

Sent from my BLU LIFE ONE X using Tapatalk


----------



## Laurelles

I need to focus on not thinking I'm the ugliest human being in the world yet. I also need to want to get into a relationship for reasons other than showing my ex I'm over them lol


----------



## thtmansam

Trying to figure out how to stop thinking about girls only sexually.(seems impossible for me)

Trying to find out why I'm not attractive other than obvious reasons.

Trying to figure out where to start.

Trying to figure out if should even try with my current condition.

Trying to figure out if I even understand what love is.

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I just reopened Tinder & OKC accounts


----------



## ravens

Nothing ever.


----------



## uziq

ugh nothing right now, i'm too messed up at the moment to get involved with someone else. nonetheless i still try. like tonight for example. it was a waste of time unfortunately. 

it'd be in my best interest to work on myself right now but for whatever god damn reason chasing affection is hard to not do for me. so i was thinking i'd reinstall tinder tomorrow lul


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

SASer213504 said:


> You are a very supportive person. I wish you find someone that cares about you, love you and support you.
> 
> Sent from my BLU LIFE ONE X using Tapatalk


Thank you for your kind words.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

A gal messaged me on Tinder saying hi so I've replied


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Canadian Brotha said:


> A gal messaged me on Tinder saying hi so I've replied


That is awesome mate.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

ANX1 said:


> That is awesome mate.


Thanks


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Canadian Brotha said:


> Thanks


You're welcome mate.


----------



## Twilightforce

Trying to get good at guitar.


----------



## Overdrive

Trying to find the love frequency, i need some females patients for the experiment. I pay with pancakes if that's alright.


----------



## SASer213504

ANX1 said:


> Thank you for your kind words.


You're welcome &#128522;


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

SASer213504 said:


> You're welcome &#128522;


----------



## LonelyLurker

Canadian Brotha said:


> A gal messaged me on Tinder saying hi so I've replied


Is that right? :smile2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## LilMeRich

cookiemaster225 said:


> Nothing.
> 
> But they keep coming back. :|


Lots of things.

But they never come back!


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Trying to get a conversation moving & maintain it on OkCupid


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> Trying to get a conversation moving & maintain it on OkCupid


Good luck, bro! >


----------



## Canadian Brotha

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Good luck, bro! >


Thanks man


----------



## CharlieSays

For those of you relying on t'internets to find women... From a girl's POV, one thing that immediately makes a difference is if a guy has lots of info on his profile.

Women tend to have the opposite problem in that we are flooded with messages from men and our first instinct is to try to cut through the potentials vs non-potentials. To do that, before even replying we will 'scan for data' to give us an idea of who the person is and if they are likely or unlikely to be a compatible partner. If you have little to no information, then we have nothing to work with and will focus on those that do. Especially basic things like age, status, etc. 

I've seen loads of posts from men on here complaining that they want to find a girlfriend, yet their profiles are near empty! You need to advertise a bit (and a profile is relatively easy and non-scary vs walking up to a girl in RL). Consider it free self advertisement!


----------



## Twilightforce

CharlieSays said:


> For those of you relying on t'internets to find women... From a girl's POV, one thing that immediately makes a difference is if a guy has lots of info on his profile.
> 
> Women tend to have the opposite problem in that we are flooded with messages from men and our first instinct is to try to cut through the potentials vs non-potentials. To do that, before even replying we will 'scan for data' to give us an idea of who the person is and if they are likely or unlikely to be a compatible partner. If you have little to no information, then we have nothing to work with and will focus on those that do. Especially basic things like age, status, etc.
> 
> I've seen loads of posts from men on here complaining that they want to find a girlfriend, yet their profiles are near empty! You need to advertise a bit (and a profile is relatively easy and non-scary vs walking up to a girl in RL). Consider it free self advertisement!


Because there was never hope from the start.


----------



## xxDark Horse

I'm going all in yolo-style, that's what i'm doing to meet girlz.


----------



## Overdrive

i get boy


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Being a carless, jobless, broke musician hermit/recluse that lives with his mom at nearly 30 on a couple of free dating apps


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> Being a carless, jobless, broke musician hermit/recluse that lives with his mom at nearly 30 on a couple of free dating apps


Let's work our magic together brah! :lol :haha


----------



## Canadian Brotha

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Let's work our magic together brah! :lol :haha


What a pair we'd be at the bar, lol


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> What a pair we'd be at the bar, lol


Indeed. I have a feeling we would slay. :lol


----------



## WinterDave

I'm brewing some special tea that Bill Cosby gave me.... :clap


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing. I'm not worth the time. 

But there is one over there. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yes, over there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> :grin2:


----------



## DistraughtOwl

Chatting with girls from other countries since American women don't talk to me.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Convo died with a gal on OKC so I message a new one to try again. I'll do so once a week. If something stirs cool, if not, no worries


----------



## Twilightforce

Nothing because some say you'll find one when you least expected.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Ya know, sending out the odd message with fingers crossed


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Chatting with one on Facebook messenger right now. Well off-and-on, seeing as I was away with family today and now I am VERY tired. Might continue it tomorrow when I am more awake.


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


:ditto


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> :ditto


:sigh


----------



## Peacefullwarrior1984oct

You don't have to do nothing . Except when you find it then yull have to do everything. But start simple be your true individual. Smile talk walk if your this far in why not dinner. Then is all marvelous rollercoaster of the divine comedy that some can support it.


----------



## Peacefullwarrior1984oct

You don't have to do nothing . Except when you find it then yull have to do everything. But start simple be your true individual. Smile talk walk if your this far in why not dinner. Then is all marvelous rollercoaster of the divine comedy that some can support


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Peacefullwarrior1984oct said:


> You don't have to do nothing . Except when you find it then yull have to do everything. But start simple be your true individual. Smile talk walk if your this far in why not dinner. Then is all marvelous rollercoaster of the divine comedy that some can support it.


That would be nice to find. 

Thank you for your nice words.


----------



## thtmansam

Trying to chat with almost any girl online even if I'm not interested in them. Just trying to better social skills

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I send out a new message every week on OKC


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## harrison

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Don't worry mate - your time will come.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

harrison said:


> Don't worry mate - your time will come.


I feel it's a bit late for that. 

But thank you for your kind words mate.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I had a conversation going on Tinder, I think I killed it though


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> I feel it's a bit late for that.
> 
> But thank you for your kind words mate.


Yeah I feel like it's late for me.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Canadian Brotha said:


> I had a conversation going on Tinder, I think I killed it though


In the good way? :laugh:


----------



## Canadian Brotha

LonelyLurker said:


> In the good way? :laugh:


If I hear something today then all good, if not then I killed it dead, lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> Yeah I feel like it's late for me.


I hope you find a lovely lady.


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> I hope you find a lovely lady.


I hope you find somebody one day.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> I hope you find somebody one day.


I hope we both do. 

But you first.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


OKC!

JUST DO IT BRAH!!! :lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> OKC!
> 
> JUST DO IT BRAH!!! :lol


Ummmm, what am I doing?  :grin2: :lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Kevin001

My situation........

women age 18-23.......aww you're cute and get flustered by me
women 24-39..........don't even talk to me
women 40+..............want to take me home 

sigh


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Tinder/OKC


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## thtmansam

Absolutely nothing. Too discouraged to do anything related to girls anymore

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## 629753

Who says i need a girl? rofl


----------



## 629753

ravens said:


> Yeah I feel like it's late for me.


Unless you are dead, its never to late


----------



## 629753

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Indeed. I have a feeling we would slay. :lol


Hahahaha


----------



## Canadian Brotha

New match on Tinder, sent a message, coin toss as to whether I hear back and if I do again as to whether the chat gets maintained


----------



## ravens

impedido10 said:


> Unless you are dead, its never to late


Yeah I guess so.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## mitra

I can do nothing but then nobody is going to knock on my door and ask for a date!

That's why I keep checking online dating sites, just to get myself out there. Bars and parties are impossible for me. OKCupid and dating apps are good to try but can be sometimes discouraging. I'm checking out shypassions and introvertdate, that are meant for people like us


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Overdrive

Catnip


----------



## RagnarLothbrok

Date arranged for this weekend, wish me luck brahs. If things continue to go well I will finally delete tinder- (only really kept it on my phone as a back up in case things didn't work out with this girl).


----------



## Canadian Brotha

RagnarLothbrok said:


> Date arranged for this weekend, wish me luck brahs. If things continue to go well I will finally delete tinder- (only really kept it on my phone as a back up in case things didn't work out with this girl).


Good luck!


----------



## RagnarLothbrok

Canadian Brotha said:


> Good luck!


Thanks man, it's going very smoothly so far.


----------



## Kevin001

I've been single for about 9 months now.....wow. 

I'm talking to a few people but no one locally. Do miss having someone though.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## rymo

RagnarLothbrok said:


> Thanks man, it's going very smoothly so far.


How'd it go?


----------



## RagnarLothbrok

rymo said:


> How'd it go?


Really good, we're not really going on dates anymore and just hanging out which usually leads to one thing or another...


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Looks like another failed Tinder conversation at the moment...


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## Goldgerrard

Online dating is a great way to get in contact with interested girls. For people who don't feel 100% comfortable, for example, long-distance connections may be the way to start. This removes the pressure to be ready to meet quickly because no one would expect you to jump on the plane tomorrow. You are able to communicate online through emails and chats first and then move to video (such as Skype or Whatsapp). You can meet women worldwide, from the ladies who live in your country to other cultural destinations. 

Dating site Elena's Models lists women who are interested in a relationship with multitude countries. Even if you are unsure about your ability to be a good conversationalist, it's easy to start and begin communication with pretty girls. 

There is a free dating app to continue chatting on the go. You can use either text or video chat, or even leave audio messages for each other. 
The surprising fact is that there are many girls who are shy and struggle to find someone for a relationship, and they have a problem meeting men. Even beautiful women are not immune to that.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Chatting on OKC...we’ll see if it lasts and something actually comes of it


----------



## Brandeezy

Tried OKC and POF again with better pics and a new/updated profile but nada. I really think my height (5'6") kills any potential for me. On Tinder I match with bots or people who live 20+ miles away. And when I finally matched with a girl 4 miles away from me, I thought she was a bot so I asked her, she got mad and stopped replying to me. I really have no other options other than go to bars and hope for the best. Oh yeah and just found out that two women I use to talk to on Tinder blocked me lmao.


----------



## Huey

Thinking about asking a girl I work with out. Not sure if I’m going to or not. Haven’t dated much this year on purpose and have instead just been focusing on working out. 

I’ve noticed that when I try to date I have always felt like I get sucked into fabricated emotional conflict. For example the last girl I dated invited me to her brothers football game and to meet her family. Then she got angry with me for saying ok... things like that

As someone who is constantly told that I’m very easy to get along with I have to wonder if the fact that I’m so easy going makes me boring to women in a relationship and that’s why things always feel so stressful when trying to date, or if my easy going nature simply attracts a certain type of woman 🤔. Perhaps even something else.

And I’ve always had extreme difficulty with both physical and verbal intimacy. In reality about the only thing I like about talking to someone, is being able to talk to someone lol... you know, late night conversations about anything. The kinds of talks that one can’t really have with a platonic freind. I do want to pursue a sexual relationship with someone but the only time I’m have been comfortable with physical intimacy is when I’ve been drunk, so that can’t be healthy. 

I guess I’m a bit confused about a lot of things right now. In truth I think I’m happiest when I just have a feminine influence to talk with about things I couldn’t talk with about with my friends.


----------



## Suede1971

Nothing, my last ex was a good friend before she asked me out herself, if a woman is truly interested she will let you know, i just go with the waves. It will happen when it happens.


----------



## reese444

nothing, girls are trying to get me still but i've realized i'm gay as hell and it makes me hate myself.


----------



## mt moyt

all the things


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Suede1971

reese444 said:


> nothing, girls are trying to get me still but i've realized i'm gay as hell and it makes me hate myself.


Why? you should not be ashamed to be gay. There is things what are truly shameful, homosexuality is not one of them.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## SplendidBob

Buying protein pancake mix as a gift. Definitely gonna work.


----------



## Karsten

Trying to acquaint myself with a sense of humanity.


----------



## Steve French

It's pretty much self-improvement these days. Going for the long con. Getting muscly, expanding my mind, trying to improve my ****e circumstances, forcing myself to be social with people who are more successful than me. Makes you feel like you are doing something without having to go out and talk to people.


----------



## Suede1971

Steve French said:


> It's pretty much self-improvement these days. Going for the long con. Getting muscly, expanding my mind, trying to improve my ****e circumstances, forcing myself to be social with people who are more successful than me. Makes you feel like you are doing something without having to go out and talk to people.


You have the right idea.


----------



## Kevin001

I'm back on okcupid but overall just trusting in the Lord.


----------



## SplendidBob

Atm nothing. Slowly venturing out into the world and being fairly handsome and open to opportunities and ****e. I am kinda exhausted though of trying to force things and definitely don't have the energies for online dating crap.



splendidbob said:


> Buying protein pancake mix as a gift. Definitely gonna work.


That didn't work Bob. And wtf were you thinking with her anyway? Christ man.


----------



## Tabris

Not much, I've almost given up.


----------



## Sus y

Kevin001 said:


> I'm back on okcupid but overall just trusting in the Lord.


I normally recommend people to use OkC, but I think of it and just want to vomit lol, yuck! Good luck anyway.



splendidbob said:


> Atm nothing. Slowly venturing out into the world and being fairly handsome and open to opportunities and ****e. I am kinda exhausted though of trying to force things and definitely don't have the energies for online dating crap.
> 
> That didn't work Bob. And wtf were you thinking with her anyway? Christ man.


Wow!! I'm shocked that pancakes' mix didn't work, sometimes women act silly, there is no other explanation.


----------



## SplendidBob

Sus y said:


> I normally recommend people to use OkC, but I think of it and just want to vomit lol, yuck! Good luck anyway.
> 
> Wow!! I'm shocked that pancakes' mix didn't work, sometimes women act silly, there is no other explanation.


----------



## discoveryother

bit tired of trying. been a bit disappointed by failed attempts. only been single 5 moths though. i know some people have been single a long long time. which is both terrifying (because maybe that's my future) and comforting (because its not been my past). i hope everyone can find what they want from life as long at its wholesome (non-rapey).


----------



## Tabris

I feel like I should apply to go on The Undateables.


----------



## teuton

I'm chatting with them online ! :wink2:


----------



## MrQuiet76

Today, I went on a date... it was the fifth date I've been on in the past two months (with four different girls). That alone is huge progress for me because I had gone nine years without going on a date prior to the first one I went on a couple months ago.

The date tonight didn't go great, ended really awkwardly, and I'm not optimistic that there will be a second one, but the good news is that I don't really care. That is HUGE progress for me, because when the "relationships" with the last three girls fizzled out, it was pretty devastating for me at the time (well, at least with two of them). To me, the fact that I feel totally normal right now despite the fact that I went on an awkward date a few hours ago is absolutely unreal.

Miracles do happen, kids... if anyone happens to remember any of the posts I used to make on this thread years ago, you know what I mean.


----------



## Rachel NG

MrQuiet76 said:


> Today, I went on a date... it was the fifth date I've been on in the past two months (with four different girls). That alone is huge progress for me because I had gone nine years without going on a date prior to the first one I went on a couple months ago.
> 
> The date tonight didn't go great, ended really awkwardly, and I'm not optimistic that there will be a second one, but the good news is that I don't really care. That is HUGE progress for me, because when the "relationships" with the last three girls fizzled out, it was pretty devastating for me at the time (well, at least with two of them). To me, the fact that I feel totally normal right now despite the fact that I went on an awkward date a few hours ago is absolutely unreal.
> 
> Miracles do happen, kids... if anyone happens to remember any of the posts I used to make on this thread years ago, you know what I mean.


That's very cool, so what have you been doing to meet them, online dating? 5 dates with 4 girls means you got at least one second date right?


----------



## Richard Pawgins

i honestly hate the concept and idea of dating

I just personally don't like judging people or having others judge me.

So I have no desire to go on one.

All I'm looking for is friends at the moment, doesn't matter which gender. 

People who truly have your back and care about your existence >>> boyfriend or girlfriend who will just leave u as soon as someone better comes along.


----------



## MrQuiet76

Rachel NG said:


> That's very cool, so what have you been doing to meet them, online dating? 5 dates with 4 girls means you got at least one second date right?


Thank you! Yeah, it's all been from online dating. I've been trying online dating off and on for the last couple years, but for whatever reason I'm starting to actually meet people recently.

And yes, I did get one second date! Unfortunately, that was the last one with her haha, but at least it was a learning experience for me. The key for me at this point is going to be preventing myself from being complacent and to force myself to just keep trying even though I haven't able to get too far with one specific girl. I'm pretty excited that I'm still feeling pretty good right now because I think that's a huge step in that direction.


----------



## xxDark Horse

sitting in my room jacking off all the day watching Mia Khalifa and praying that a hot super model comes knocking on my front door demanding to be motorboated.


yup i'm gonna be single for a while...


----------



## Welliwonder

Working toward my ideal life so I’ll be happy enough to attempt a girl.


----------



## Evo1114

I was talking to a chick on a dating site. First time in a long time. I forgot to reply for awhile, but then sent her a message after she asked me wtf was taking me so long. After I sent the msg, I found myself actually HOPING she wouldn't reply. She did reply. It has been about a week now. I have decided I have zero interest in going through the whole 'dating to get to know you' b.s. I much prefer being alone vs. doing that crap. So from here on out, I will probably ONLY date people I already know, if I ever date again the rest of my life. Either way, I don't really care. I just kind of want to do things that might otherwise look odd or be boring if I do those things alone. I AM interested in getting to know people as friends though. I actually was trying to think of a way that me and this chick could like hang out just to do something enjoyable vs. hanging out to see if we could date for the rest of eternity. I suppose finding that is impossible on DATING sites.


----------



## Tabris

Posting on Reddit again even though nothing will come of it.


----------



## SilentLyric

nothing. nothing I can do to get her back. it is on her court now.


----------



## pianist

I'm scared [email protected] to approach a girl, my brain automatically goes to a place where, "of course she already has a boyfriend", and if she doesn't her eyes are going to glaze over when she hears that I have no money, no friends, etc. Then awkwardly stops making eye contact then the "sorry" then I get ghoasted.


----------



## Tabris

.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Back on Tinder and have learned I have 4 matches so the first step is sending out some messages


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing. Just not good enough.


----------



## DespairSenpai

Nothing, there is no point trying, at this point the time and effort would be better spent learning how to cope with being alone.


----------



## Delicious yams

I made myself a list of things to improve about myself, starting with my face. Once I gain a few pounds an up my confidence a bit, I'll start putting myself out there.


----------



## ShadowOne

Delicious yams said:


> I made myself a list of things to improve about myself, starting with my face. Once I gain a few pounds an up my confidence a bit, I'll start putting myself out there.


Get those delicious yams out there


----------



## Scrub-Zero

Delicious yams said:


> I made myself a list of things to improve about myself, starting with my face. Once I gain a few pounds an up my confidence a bit, I'll start putting myself out there.


Find some ash yams and fortify your strength and intelligence. And if you manage to sleep with a woman, ash yam will make you resist common diseases. :lol


----------



## Sus y

Letting them lesbian me :O 
I'm joking... (maybe)


----------



## Kilgore Trout

ANX1 said:


> Nothing. Just not good enough.




You seem like a great person tho.


----------



## ravens

Nothing ever.


----------



## Methodical

Absolutely nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

geraltofrivia said:


> You seem like a great person tho.


It's the impression I get. 

Thank you for your kind words mate.


----------



## Tabris

Getting rejected constantly


----------



## Timeofallout

Not a whole lot honestly. I have no idea where to begin.....it's all one big *** mystery to me.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Tabris said:


> Getting rejected constantly


I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.


----------



## funnynihilist

xxDark Horse said:


> I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.


Bad comparison. A professional athlete is getting paid a lot of money to "fail". Not to mention being socially validated the whole time.
A dude hitting on a woman is spending his own time and energy and giving the woman social validation while getting nothing in return if he gets rejected.
Sounds like a bad deal to me!


----------



## Scrub-Zero

What can I do? It's like trying to buy a new car with no credit to your name. Better learn to ****ing walk.


----------



## hypestyle

speed dating events. it's a controlled environment, you can have short, pleasant conversations. If someone turns you down, it will be done "anonymously" after everyone turns in their results.


----------



## Rachel NG

hypestyle said:


> speed dating events. it's a controlled environment, you can have short, pleasant conversations. If someone turns you down, it will be done "anonymously" after everyone turns in their results.


That's good, and you're not wasting your time or effort since everyone there is motivated to find a date because they're paying.


----------



## HarmonicOscillator

Talking to a girl on Tinder.



hypestyle said:


> speed dating events. it's a controlled environment, you can have short, pleasant conversations. If someone turns you down, it will be done "anonymously" after everyone turns in their results.


That sounds like something I need to try.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I swipe on Tinder now and again


----------



## Yankees28

I use online sites but never had any success on it, which frustrates the **** out of me. I try to go out weekly, mostly to bars or clubs and try forcing myself to talk to girls. Its easier for me to talk to them if I have a friend with me but thats not always the case. Overall my life is tragic.


----------



## funnynihilist

Romance is only an illusion, and not a particularly fun one.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I now have OKC, Tinder, & POF profiles...


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing, gave up a while ago. :stu


----------



## suleymanyaman

Unfortunately, the online dating culture is not very popular and "developed" in my country (Turkey). Most of the accounts are prostitute accounts. As far as I read from the posts, the online dating culture is more common in the countries of you guys. I tried my chance in Tinder, but literally nothing came up.


----------



## Mrmimes

Ive always had problems talking to girls I get really nervous and sweaty I'm basically just looking for a simple type of girl that can understand me, I have a social anxiety disorder I don't like being around a lot of people so basically just looking for someone like me haven't tried dating sites yet I wonder if that would just be the best thing to do.


----------



## SplendidBob

Back to not giving a ****. Takes away one of my major motivations for improvement, but its a relief not caring and having no sex drive again.

If I could just get rid of all my other drives (for food, comfort, avoiding pain), I could just lie still until I died and be perfectly content.


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## SilentLyric

going on dates/using a dating website.

no win yet, but playing the game.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Kevin001

I'm done looking because when the time is right she'll be here.


----------



## appledapple

i've given up on trying to get a girl lol, because half of the time i know i will probably choose the wrong person or someone who is way out of my league (which is every girl ever lol)


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## funnynihilist

Axe body spray!


----------



## Kevin001

I'm waiting on the Lord and just embracing my season of singleness. There is this coworker that wants to date me but I'm not attracted to her and we are unequally yoked spiritually. I said we could possibly hangout as friends, nothing dating related though. But yeah its so awkward turning people down.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Lonely Hobbit

Nothing.


----------



## Brandeezy

Haven't looked in a very long time, I swipe Tinder from time to time hoping for a miracle but I end up getting nothing.


----------



## Tabris

Swiping right even though it's a complete waste of time.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## SilentLyric

I was hoping to meet a girl at a punk show yesterday, but there were very few girls and they all had men with them anyways...oh well.


----------



## Mabel Pines

Farting a lot. They sneer at me and give me a grossed-out look but at least they looked my way.


----------



## oguzwst

nothing.


----------



## SilentLyric

online dating is difficult. need somehow to find a way to meet a girl outside the internet.


----------



## Tabris

SilentLyric said:


> online dating is difficult. need somehow to find a way to meet a girl outside the internet.


Yep, unless you look like Jeff Seid your chances online are pretty poor.
I've mostly given up on online dating but am not sure where I can try IRL.


----------



## Brandeezy

Bought Tinder Gold to see if it would improve my chances. Got matched with a nice looking girl, turns out she was a Spammer after giving me her number and I had to block 3 other numbers that texted me right after her out of nowhere smh. I swear this ish is impossible.


----------



## EarthDominator

Didn't know this thread existed, but I'm trying to shutdown my attraction towards girls so I can finally accept that dating is not for me. (Failing so far :roll )


----------



## EggsBenedict

I'm doing absolutely nothing. I'm 34 with zero dating experience. I'm in a depression funk I can't get out of. Nothing seems like more of an impossible task to me than getting a girlfriend.


----------



## SilentLyric

Tabris said:


> Yep, unless you look like Jeff Seid your chances online are pretty poor.
> I've mostly given up on online dating but am not sure where I can try IRL.


don't know why I bother. can't even get a date.


----------



## Tabris

SilentLyric said:


> don't know why I bother. can't even get a date.


Same here bro :<


----------



## rymo

Hearing a lot of depressing stuff in here lately. Anyone with some inspiring stories?

Personally, I've switched my focus to finding friends lately. Getting a life and developing passions. It seems like a much more fulfilling option than arbitrarily searching for girls, but that's not something I'm opposed to either, as an additional pursuit.


----------



## jhinds

I'll post something positive.

I've just started dating 2 women I met on Match. Before that could happen, I first had to get over my life long fear of approaching and dating. I began to tentatively work on that 3 years ago and have only now become comfortable with it. Over the last 7 months I've been on a few 1st dates. I tended to choose women I wasn't attracted to out of fear that I'd be overcome with anxiety on a date with an attractive woman. After I became comfortable dating those women, I switched my sights to women I found attractive. Because I had spent time developing social skills and exposing myself to these situations, I no longer feel the anxiety I would have felt otherwise.

I never liked the idea of dating more than one person at a time, but I've pushed myself to have 2 or 3 women in the mix, hoping one will eventually stand out above the others. Although it would be easy for me to do so, I don't want to settle for anyone just for the sake of companionship. I want a relationship with someone with whom I've developed a strong 2-way connection.

Luckily these women have schedules that make it convenient for me. One is free only during the weekdays, the other only on weekends. I'm currently looking for a 3rd to toss into the mix, but I've told myself to be choosy with that one.


----------



## Kinable

Improving my life and appearance. I don't think I'll be able to get a girlfriend in my small town, everyone my age is pretty much married. I guess I'm making myself inviting and trying to be my real self to find a girl who likes me for me and we have similar interests. I don't want just any kind of girl, I want someone I can relate to and will like me for me and I can feel the same way with her. Improving my looks will open me up to more women, whatever increases my chances.


----------



## Pongowaffle

Nothing now. Last dozens attempts all failed. Each time with increasing negative self-realization. This made me less confident each time. My despair strengthening.


----------



## Daigo

Nothing. 

I have no idea where to start. It's too late anyway.


----------



## Mucker

Daigo said:


> Nothing.
> 
> I have no idea where to start. It's too late anyway.


Ditto. I know I'm not a particularly good find for the girls as I'm too skinny and most damning of all... too short. The rejection, energy and depressing mood I'm going to get looking just isn't worth it. I'm content with doing other things with my life for now.

But there's no such thing as too late, I'm sure love can be found at any age.


----------



## jhinds

It's not too late to start. I'm evidence of that. I started when I was 47. I'll be 51 in July. Progress has been slow in overcoming my SA, but I've made clear gains over time and continue to build on those gains. Were there setbacks? Of course. Many. But I learned from them and continued to push forward.

The next thing I need to work on is assertiveness. I find it almost impossible to initiate intimacy. I got friendzoned by a potential gf because I missed the window of opportunity for advancing the relationship forward. It's just something I need to start doing, however awkward it might turn out.

I went out to dinner with woman #1 last night. She clearly likes me, and I her. But she's not available to go out weekends because of her daughter, and I'm not sure that's going to work for me long term. Tomorrow night I go hiking with woman #2. It'll be our 2nd date. She's an empty nester, so there's that. Plus she's quite attractive, fit and feisty. Could be interesting.


----------



## Daigo

Mucker said:


> I know I'm not a particularly good find for the girls as I'm too skinny and most damning of all... too short.


Same here. I'm 5'4 and I feel like a midget.


----------



## jhinds

Woman #1 ghosted me after our last date when I told her I was also seeing someone else. That troubled her even though we've only seen each other a few times and haven't so much as kissed yet, explaining that she's old fashioned about this sort of thing. I wasn't ready to go exclusive with her, so.....

I saw woman #2 three times over the weekend, once each for a hike, drinks and a movie. We like each other and will continue to date. I don't think she's dating anyone else and I don't feel like looking for someone else to date atm, so maybe that's a good sign?

She doesn't knock my socks off, but I'm lonely and desperate for companionship, so there's a genuine concern that I might settle for something less than great. Granted, she may eventually turn out to be great after spending more time with her, but I won't know for sure until I make that investment in time and effort, which for me can be mentally exhausting after awhile (and which is probably a sign that it's time to start looking elsewhere).


----------



## SANDRY

Truthfully, I've been doing a couple of things. One is expressing myself in all interactions. Taking genuine interest in people is a good way to build comfort and trust around others. So, I move around at social gatherings, just trying to be myself and be interesting. If a woman shares interest, we'll chat. Living life to the fullest in each moment so as to garner experiences, stories, and insights is the best way to accumulate material for those conversations. The woman and I will get to know each other through chatting and I'll discover if her interests, her lifestyle, her opinions, her values, her dreams in life, etc. are compatible. If we're compatible, things are pretty natural from there.


----------



## Kevin001

Nothing really. I'm just growing with the Lord. Its crazy I get girls telling me oh you would be a good dad, a good christian father etc I'm like thanks but married or not married I'm fine.


----------



## BeamingNow

Improving my Mario Tennis skills


----------



## Sacrieur

I'm pretty open to a few different avenues I could take right now. A lot of girls have shown interest in me recently. I gave out my number to one of them but I just wanted to hang out with her because she was pretty cool.


But at this point, anything I enter into would turn into a long distance relationship, so I'm more open to those from the start right now so expectations are set correctly.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Same, although I have far more important things to focus on right now.


----------



## unsocial lego

I'm staring at all the attractive girls and being a super creep to make them repulsed by me. Not really. I'm not doing anything though, I gave up a long time ago.


----------



## ravens

ANX1 said:


> Nothing.


Same.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Same, although I have far more important things to focus on right now.





ravens said:


> Same.


I think you two deserve a nice woman.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

ANX1 said:


> I think you two deserve a nice woman.


Hehe, thanks man.


----------



## Qolselanu

BeamingNow said:


> Improving my Mario Tennis skills


100% win here. I bought Mario Tennis off Amazon recently. Was not disappointed.


----------



## jhinds

I'm giving the slow burn method a try.

I met a woman on Match back in May and we got to know each other by emailing long letters back and forth over the course of the last few weeks. No texts or phone calls. It was a unique experience. 

I finally asked for her number and we've talked on the phone for a couple hours several times these past couple of weeks.

Tonight I asked her out to dinner Saturday and she sounded enthusiastic. I like her. 
We have a lot in common, and our conversations just flow. But I've taken the mindset that we're just working on building a friendship for now. I'm suppressing any thoughts beyond that because they will only induce a lot of anxiety.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Hehe, thanks man.


You're welcome.


----------



## Sacrieur

I thought I posted here?


I got a date with aforementioned girl I gave my number to.


----------



## MadnessVertigo

Doing? I have innate animal magnetism.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3stacks

Going into the town centre with a megaphone and shouting "wont somebody please sh*g me?". It's not worked so far.


----------



## _VR_

Just about to give up


----------



## Evo1114

Have asked 3 different women out to do stuff this past week. Although one I guess might not count since I've known her most of my life and get lunch with her pretty often, though she's been more like pokey and 'flirty' lately than she has ever been in the past and has been talking to me about the single life lately. When I actually try, it does seem to work, I just very rarely think or care about it.


----------



## Kevin001

Working on myself and getting out the house more :stu


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing, just not worth the time of day.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.

Again, not worth the time of day.


----------



## funnynihilist

Sometimes I talk about my dingus, sometimes not


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Nothing right now, as I am currently apathetic to that concept for the time being.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

The Nothing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

A couple weeks ago I had my first date since my ex-fiance left me 7 months ago and I am reminded why I hate the dating game. When it comes to meeting women, I am just not fun to be around and way too quiet try as I might. So a date didn't go well and I didn't hear from her since which is fine, I have no problem moving on but man it's a drag to go through this again. I'm not sure I have the will or energy to do this like I did in my early 20s.


----------



## Kevin001

Jesuszilla said:


> A couple weeks ago I had my first date since my ex-fiance left me 7 months ago and I am reminded why I hate the dating game. When it comes to meeting women, I am just not fun to be around and way too quiet try as I might. So a date didn't go well and I didn't hear from her since which is fine, I have no problem moving on but man it's a drag to go through this again. I'm not sure I have the will or energy to do this like I did in my early 20s.


She left you? Wow man :squeeze


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Bet I can still say nothing, yeap, yeap, yeap. :lol


----------



## Jesuszilla

Kevin001 said:


> She left you? Wow man :squeeze


Unfortunately yes, it hasn't been easy but I'm trying to get over her after 4 1/2 years together

My cousin set me up on a blind date with one of her single friends...and I hate to come off like a jerk but she was not nearly as pretty as her picture made it seem. She was nice enough but I'm not into her and had to let her know I'm not because I try to be honest and not lead anyone on.


----------



## Steve French

Paying


----------



## Kevin001

Jesuszilla said:


> Unfortunately yes, it hasn't been easy but I'm trying to get over her after 4 1/2 years together
> 
> My cousin set me up on a blind date with one of her single friends...and I hate to come off like a jerk but she was not nearly as pretty as her picture made it seem. She was nice enough but I'm not into her and had to let her know I'm not because I try to be honest and not lead anyone on.


Wow but yeah God's got you .


----------



## TheForestWasDark

saving money I guess. It is beach season, so doing a bit of cardio..


----------



## Jesuszilla

Kevin001 said:


> Wow but yeah God's got you .


Thanks


----------



## sibil

nothing, to my 30 years and I gave up because it is impossible to get a girlfriend without having a social life.


----------



## Tymes Rhymes

Absolutely nothing.


----------



## JerryAndSports

Nothing. After my ex I’d rather not try until I’m more confident and stable as a person.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Suchness

Please do something.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

About to enter the nothing zone. :O


----------



## 3stacks

There's nothing I can do unless I completely change my looks and somehow get a personality lol


----------



## Canadian Brotha

I have Tinder & OKC accounts again but expect absolutely nothing from them


----------



## Jesuszilla

Gotta love talking to a girl and all seems to go well, she comes off as interested in you...then disappears. I'm not trying to assume, maybe she's insanely busy but I doubt it. I think things fizzled before I can get a date as she replied once saying she left her phone at her friends....then nothing since. It's no biggie and not the end of the world, just how dating works


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing zone entered, wow. :O


----------



## blue2

I'm fermenting myself into fine wine, it takes a long time of doing nothing but the result will be devine.


----------



## 3stacks

I already know no one wants me lol


----------



## blue2

3stacks said:


> I already know no one wants me


...I see 24 year old me in you, I wonder what advice I could give....don't spend most of 25 drunk would be a good start, although I think it gave me wisdom :yes


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

OkCupid
Plenty Of Fish
Tinder


----------



## 3stacks

blue2 said:


> ...I see 24 year old me in you, I wonder what advice I could give....don't spend most of 25 drunk would be a good start, although I think it gave me wisdom :yes


:lol I'll try not to


----------



## blue2

3stacks said:


> I'll try not to


...Yes, you're not supposed to treat underlying mental health problems like that :no (truth)....you're supposed to pay some guy/gal a hundred bucks every week for a year to tell you you're crazy, then they'll reward you with some Smarties for justifying their existence....(jk) :spit


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

Nothing as always.


----------



## farfegnugen

I'm trying the cake on a table and bag method. Women seem to be pretty suspicious these days though.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

There are attractive women everywhere. I do have some rules I tend to live by 1. never try date a co-worker or someone at the company I work at. I simply refuse to mix work and personal life. 2. I don't like to hit on women while working. It does suck sometimes as I would see a cute girl and want too but always hold my tongue. Then I do a weirdo thing where I look back at her as I leave to get one last look at her. I....I'm lonely lol

I live alone and come home every day to an empty home. Playing games or doing things I enjoy only gets me so far. Sometimes like last night it hits me how lonely I truly am. People only talk to me if I initiate conversation for example. Idk, I did this to myself, never been a people person but also don't like the other extreme.

Anyway, I signed up for a speed dating event this weekend. Cross fingers it goes well. I am always trying to find ways to meet women. It doesn't always work but I do put myself out there from time to time.


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

lily said:


> Do you have a lot of anxiety Mondo_Fernando?


Bad experiences that led to anxiety.



lily said:


> if you don't, you can join a single's group. Good luck to you!


My life kind of dictates that I can't, so I don't.

But thank you for your kind words, support.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

conantheworthless said:


> Back when this was still of importance to me all I did was going out to bars and stuff. Once there I did nothing. I never asked a girl's name or her number or a dance. Very rarely a girl would take initiative but I was too insecure to really interact with them. I usually thought when it happened they just came to me because of some bet or so or to try to ridicule me because I was so silent and passive most of the time.
> Back then all I wanted was a one night stand but that's really not such a frequent occurrence it seems. I never really wanted a relationship because it would be too stressful to take her on dates etc.


I've been there except I would push myself to talk but I was always too quiet to be heard lol I never go approached so if it did happen, I would think they were messing with me as well. Other than that, I tried to be proactive and push through my anxiety. I do not miss those days


----------



## master32

I am doing various things, sometimes very crazy things to say


----------



## Kinable

Lately working out, I just hope I can still attract my type which is nerdy if I start looking less and less like one lol.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Back to nothing again


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I am meeting a girl for lunch on Sunday I met on Tinder. She's quite attractive and we've been talking on the phone and do so for hours last 2 days. Earlier when I asked what she was having for dinner her response came off as she was expecting me to asking her to dinner tonight, but when the moment passed I asked to meet her Sunday since she's off work that day. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I feel like I'm genuinely clicking with her and off to a good start. I hope she doesn't find me uglier in person or anything. My profile does have pictures from this year. All except 1 are 2019 pictures. So idk what to expect Sunday. I'm hoping it all goes well. I'm excited but anxious as well.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Jesuszilla said:


> I am meeting a girl for lunch on Sunday I met on Tinder. She's quite attractive and we've been talking on the phone and do so for hours last 2 days. Earlier when I asked what she was having for dinner her response came off as she was expecting me to asking her to dinner tonight, but when the moment passed I asked to meet her Sunday since she's off work that day. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I feel like I'm genuinely clicking with her and off to a good start. I hope she doesn't find me uglier in person or anything. My profile does have pictures from this year. All except 1 are 2019 pictures. So idk what to expect Sunday. I'm hoping it all goes well. I'm excited but anxious as well.


Good luck!


----------



## Jesuszilla

She cancelled. Said she has a cold. It's better to get that info 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up than to go there and get stood up.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## 3stacks

Same as my pal @Mondo_Fernando


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> Same as my pal @Mondo_Fernando


You deserve someone wonderful.


----------



## bassmaster

Nothing. I give up. She has to find me.


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> You deserve someone wonderful.


You do too matey


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> You do too matey


I'm not worth the time.

You are a good guy and worth the time.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> Nothing.


I'm hoping some amazing woman out there pics you as "the one".

Please, please make this happen to "the one" out there. :crying:


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> I'm not worth the time.
> 
> You are a good guy and worth the time.


Of course you're worth it. Too bad I haven't met any girls I would consider nice lol


----------



## blue2

Playing hide & seek :lol :hide ...on second thoughts tag would have been a better game : /


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Well, I’m thinking ditch Tinder, keep OKC and look into Fetlife more


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> Of course you're worth it. Too bad I haven't met any girls I would consider nice lol


No, you are worth it.

I'm thinking you will as have time.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

blue2 said:


> Playing hide & seek :lol :hide ...on second thoughts tag would have been a better game : /


Paintball with your special someone?



Canadian Brotha said:


> Well, I'm thinking ditch Tinder, keep OKC and look into Fetlife more


Real life as can't see body language.

Wish for some lady great for you.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> Well, I'm thinking ditch Tinder, keep OKC and look into Fetlife more


 Fetlife, eh? Good taste.


----------



## ravens

Mondo_Fernando said:


> I'm hoping some amazing woman out there pics you as "the one".
> 
> Please, please make this happen to "the one" out there. :crying:


I don't think I have much to offer to anyone so I never try.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> I don't think I have much to offer to anyone so I never try.


I think lots to offer the right woman.

We often think of material things, but intimacy (outside the bedroom) with that special someone is where it is at.


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Mondo_Fernando said:


> Paintball with your special someone?
> 
> Real life as can't see body language.
> 
> Wish for some lady great for you.


Cheers!



iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Fetlife, eh? Good taste.


 Worth a try at least...


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Canadian Brotha said:


> Cheers!


You're welcome.


----------



## twitchy666

use any words with more syllables than 1. 

anyone sophisticated enuff?


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Building a cage in my closet. Just gotta figure out a good trapping method.


----------



## versikk

Over 8 thousand mother fuxking replies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Doing nothing.


----------



## millenniumman75

Hike up the leg of my shorts, put out a thumb, and wait :lol

For effect, ladies, here's a Scottish guy hiking up his kilt! :haha


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Brilliant plan. :lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Ckg2011 said:


> I don't know what to do.


You need to socialize more with women, even as friends. Just talk about whatever you both like talking about (why finding a hobby in common helps).

Evēntually you'll click with someone as more than friends.

Takes time to get to know each other before going down that path.

Sometimes just being friends you'll meet other more compatible women (or meet more compatible men if from a woman's point of view).



Ckg2011 said:


> I wish it was the social norm that women asked out men.


Women hint at if are interested in you that way (make their intentions known if they like you), but it is still up to you to make the move and ask them out.



Ckg2011 said:


> I don't know what to say to a woman and I don't want to B.S. them. I'm sorry it's not who I am.


Can you talk to your mum? No different to that.

I think you might be overanalyzing everything änd just need to try to calm down and be yourself, whatever that is.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Ckg2011 said:


> That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for all your advice I really appreciate it. I do overthink things all the time. I really need to work on that.


You're welcome mate.

It is just from my life experiences where women are just vocal about what they want, even shy women. You'll know if they interested in more than friends.

Sometimes women just want to be friends as are compatible, but not in the gf, bf type of way, which there is nothing wrong with that as long as have boundaries set in regards to being just friends.


----------



## funnynihilist

I basically sit on the couch and text while listening to music at an unhealthy volume level.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## andy1984

asked the beautiful girl I met at meetup to go to another one and she said yes... obviously not good enough for her but excited and terrified etc. to see her again.

happy I made the effort anyway


----------



## versikk

andy1984 said:


> asked the beautiful girl I met at meetup to go to another one and she said yes... obviously not good enough for her but excited and terrified etc. to see her again.
> 
> happy I made the effort anyway


how do you go about introducing the fact that you ain't a man? just curious because i feel absolutely trapped since the VAST majority are usually disgusted by enbies and trans ppl :afr


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## andy1984

versikk said:


> how do you go about introducing the fact that you ain't a man? just curious because i feel absolutely trapped since the VAST majority are usually disgusted by enbies and trans ppl :afr


in the traditional nomenclature, I am a man. I'm a man+. a MANitee. huMAN.

from my previous thread I was the ocean trench monster, not the transsexual. maybe that confused some people + my stated gender on here.

but yeah I do anticipate possible disgust at my being an ocean trench monster. that would be upsetting but her beauty would remain and my monstrosity would remain and we would just be able to orient ourselves correctly with the new information.

anyway for me to even get attracted there needs to be a feeling of safety, which there is. possibly because her manner is similar to an exs so theres some conditioning involved? that or the attraction has overridden everything else in my brain entirely, that doesn't seem too far fetched. my attraction for this person is through the roof.


----------



## versikk

andy1984 said:


> in the traditional nomenclature, I am a man. I'm a man+. a MANitee. huMAN.
> 
> from my previous thread I was the ocean trench monster, not the transsexual. maybe that confused some people + my stated gender on here.
> 
> but yeah I do anticipate possible disgust at my being an ocean trench monster. that would be upsetting but her beauty would remain and my monstrosity would remain and we would just be able to orient ourselves correctly with the new information.
> 
> anyway for me to even get attracted there needs to be a feeling of safety, which there is. possibly because her manner is similar to an exs so theres some conditioning involved? that or the attraction has overridden everything else in my brain entirely, that doesn't seem too far fetched. my attraction for this person is through the roof.


oh man


----------



## novalax

I know have 3 with one on the back burner


----------



## andy1984

andy1984 said:


> asked the beautiful girl I met at meetup to go to another one and she said yes... obviously not good enough for her but excited and terrified etc. to see her again.
> 
> happy I made the effort anyway


the "date" was ok. some other guys also talked to her. I was sometimes awkward but it was fine. talked to her enough. she was nice. she told me a few personal things. not sure when seeing her again. got more of the real picture of her rather than the fantasy. so that's good.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@3stacks and the future woman for him who says........


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> @3stacks and the future woman for him who says........


Haha no chance of me getting a girlfriend so this is more like what they say:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> Haha no chance of me getting a girlfriend so this is more like what they say:


Then suddenly........






:O


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> 3stacks said:
> 
> 
> 
> Haha no chance of me getting a girlfriend so this is more like what they say:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then suddenly........
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> /forum/images/SAS_2015/smilies/tango_face_surprise.png
Click to expand...

 I believe the answer is no


----------



## andy1984

andy1984 said:


> the "date" was ok. some other guys also talked to her. I was sometimes awkward but it was fine. talked to her enough. she was nice. she told me a few personal things. not sure when seeing her again. got more of the real picture of her rather than the fantasy. so that's good.


I've decided to ask her out on a non-ambiguous date, just the 2 of us. will message her sometime today. I do worry that I'm thinking about her a lot and she wont be thinking about me or very interested in me... but hopefully she would just say no in that case. but yeah I cant help but follow through with these feelings because they're constant and I need to know if they're valid or not and not have it be like a childish crush type deal.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> I believe the answer is no


And here is one thinking it would be a yes. :sigh


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> 3stacks said:
> 
> 
> 
> I believe the answer is no
> 
> 
> 
> And here is one thinking it would be a yes.
Click to expand...

 never &#128542;


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> never &#128542;


Don't know what that means, but she will meet you at docks tomorrow.

Just say your part of the Union and you'll be allowed past the boys at the gate.


----------



## 3stacks

Mondo_Fernando said:


> 3stacks said:
> 
> 
> 
> never &#128542;
> 
> 
> 
> Don't know what that means, but she will meet you at docks tomorrow.
> 
> Just say your part of the Union and you'll be allowed past the boys at the gate.
Click to expand...

 im in the middle of the UK the docks are too far lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

3stacks said:


> im in the middle of the UK the docks are too far lol


Better get on your bike young Jimmy. :b


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Thinking about sending a message or two on OKC


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> Thinking about sending a message or two on OKC


Good luck! :grin2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## blue2

Something ...;-)


* *




Psyche &#128539;.....I mean nothing


----------



## SplendidBob

Directly, nothing. Am sorta preparing myself for the future though, but god damn I am going to be careful about who I enter into a relationship with. I attach way to ****ing easily, and deeply.

But, am preparing myself. Losing weight and fixing my appearance again.

Finish degree

Get career, some****inghow.

Was working on conversation, but that has slipped. It's really ****ing hard forcing that level of sociability. I need something, a job / volunteering position that basically forces me to do it.


----------



## andy1984

Canadian Brotha said:


> Thinking about sending a message or two on OKC


how did they go?


----------



## funnynihilist

Secreting pheromones in their direction


----------



## Canadian Brotha

andy1984 said:


> how did they go?


Usual, get a match then a brief convo that fizzles out or never starts to begin with...though have a musician gals number from Tinder & have a new match that I just messaged so I suppose there's still potential there. Honestly I never expect anything to come of my attempts but now & then I remember brief dalliances of yesteryears & then think maybe it's possible again...I'll probably delete my profiles at the end of the month, or at least remove the apps from my phone


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Canadian Brotha said:


> Usual, get a match then a brief convo that fizzles out or never starts to begin with...though have a musician gals number from Tinder & have a new match that I just messaged so I suppose there's still potential there. Honestly I never expect anything to come of my attempts but now & then I remember brief dalliances of yesteryears & then think maybe it's possible again...I'll probably delete my profiles at the end of the month, or at least remove the apps from my phone


That is how it goes for me now. "sigh"


----------



## KangalLover

was supposed to meet a girl for lunch today, five mins before the meeting she texts me "sorry, my brother had an accident, can't meet today" 

b-i-t-c-h please!! *facepalm*

although I feel like she was more into having a relationship than just sex, which I'm honestly not interested about.


----------



## andy1984

Canadian Brotha said:


> Usual, get a match then a brief convo that fizzles out or never starts to begin with...though have a musician gals number from Tinder & have a new match that I just messaged so I suppose there's still potential there. Honestly I never expect anything to come of my attempts but now & then I remember brief dalliances of yesteryears & then think maybe it's possible again...I'll probably delete my profiles at the end of the month, or at least remove the apps from my phone


musician gal sounds promising.

mine were all the same. usually matches just dont reply anyway. and tinder has that game where you choose one to be a super like even though you dont like any, I think I got a couple of super likes that way because they never replied to me after I message them


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## ravens

No reason to try.


----------



## Morpheus

I recently signed up for Tinder.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## hypestyle

went to my first speed dating event in about 10 months.

I think it went well in terms of the general interactions. I was glad to get out of the house and to an event to meet people.

I have no idea whether any of the women I met are interested. I was at least nominally interested in most of them, at least at the friendship level. My official results will be in a few days.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing, as don't feel that I'm good enough.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

Nothing, as I am not interested in "dating" anyone right now. Have more important things to worry about.


----------



## andy1984

woop I met up with this girl again and I like her a lot


----------



## ravens

Mondo_Fernando said:


> Nothing, as don't feel that I'm good enough.


Same.


----------



## blue2

Get topless & rub my chubby belly seductively.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

ravens said:


> Same.


Sorry to hear that you feel that way too mate.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@blue2

:lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Morpheus

Girl with a pen said:


> My girlfriend and I dress and style ourselves very differently. I feel weird about this, but it does make me self conscious, that I wonder if she'd be more attracted to me if I looked more like she did. If those are the clothes she finds cute, it's reasonable to think she'd like to see me in them, no?


I'm not sure that's true. Supposedly opposites attract, or at least some people find opposites attract.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## RedHouse

Mhm nothing, too scared of not being good enough and I would have to pretend through all the unnecessary lovey dovey things to please her which would make me feel disingenuous. I am already having a migraine thinking about it.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@RedHouse

Feel the same, not good enough.

That pretending through the lovey dovey things to please her is sometimes something women don't get, nor want to hear about their partners.

Notice from observation, that they will put down anyone who upsets that fairytail image of their partner.

Just like women faking it while in the bedroom that men don't want to hear.

It goes both ways.


----------



## RedHouse

Mondo_Fernando said:


> @*RedHouse*
> 
> Feel the same, not good enough.
> 
> That pretending through the lovey dovey things to please her is sometimes something women don't get, nor want to hear about their partners.
> 
> Notice from observation, that they will put down anyone who upsets that fairytail image of their partner.
> 
> Just like women faking it while in the bedroom that men don't want to hear.
> 
> It goes both ways.


The loneliness suck though. What bothers is that Hitler had a wife,but the universe don't think *I* deserve one,TF .:crying:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

RedHouse said:


> The loneliness suck though. What bothers is that Hitler had a wife,but the universe don't think *I* deserve one,TF .:crying:


Loneliness does mate.

Potential partners do appear if just go and do stuff in life where woman go too like concerts, Uni, etc.

But if have SA and struggle to meet people, it becomes a difficult task.

Everyones SA is different though (anxiety happens in small or big crowds or performance anxiety infront of people, etc), so some find once they manage SA, easy to get a partner where others with SA struggle.

They say SA goes away, but in reality they just learn ways to manage SA better.


----------



## RedHouse

Mondo_Fernando said:


> Loneliness does mate.
> 
> Potential partners do appear if just go and do stuff in life where woman go too like concerts, Uni, etc.
> 
> But if have SA and struggle to meet people, it becomes a difficult task.
> 
> Everyones SA is different though (anxiety happens in small or big crowds or performance anxiety infront of people, etc), so some find once they manage SA, easy to get a partner where others with SA struggle.
> 
> They say SA goes away, but in reality they just learn ways to manage SA better.


yeah I think I should try harder ,put myself out there.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

RedHouse said:


> yeah I think I should try harder ,put myself out there.


Just be yourself (don't fake being something you are not). It is just being out and about doing everyday things where you'll bump into a potential partner. Sometimes there are times where you won't bump into any potential partners, but don't be discouraged by that.

At your age, used to go clubbing, but is usually a group activity (safety in numbers due to drunks, etc). But on your own single women do approach you.


----------



## RedHouse

Mondo_Fernando said:


> Just be yourself (don't fake being something you are not). It is just being out and about doing everyday things where you'll bump into a potential partner. Sometimes there are times where you won't bump into any potential partners, but don't be discouraged by that.
> 
> At your age, used to go clubbing, but is usually a group activity (safety in numbers due to drunks, etc). But on your own single women do approach you.


Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it alot


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

RedHouse said:


> Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it alot


You're welcome mate.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing as will never be good enough.


----------



## ravens

Nothing


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

The nothing.

Coming to a thread near you. :O

At least I joke about doing nothing.


----------



## MCHB

Not a damn thing!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Nothing.


----------



## AskingAlexandria

I am basically on every dating site and dating app there is. I get no messages at all. Maybe this is because I am fat. But I think im gonna wait till I have the time to lose weight, after that and I'll start looking. 

I really is all about looks, even though some people say "it wont matter when your 80 years old", of course it wont, but up until then it is about looks. Dumbass.


----------



## Ominous Indeed

AskingAlexandria said:


> I am basically on every dating site and dating app there is. I get no messages at all. Maybe this is because I am fat. But I think im gonna wait till I have the time to lose weight, after that and I'll start looking.
> 
> I really is all about looks, even though some people say "it wont matter when your 80 years old", of course it wont, but up until then it is about looks. Dumbass.


Time to loose weight?


----------



## AskingAlexandria

Ominous Indeed said:


> Time to loose weight?


It's complicated right now, I've got other priorities to focus on. Gonna wait till im done school because losing weight takes alot of focus.


----------



## user533

im not doing anything, but even if i did anything, i know there would be no results... 

I know for a fact, if id talk to a girl that attract me , she would probably repulse me or look at me as if im a weirdo. I just know it...

meanwhile i prefer to wait until a girl do the first moves. I mean, if she looks at me with a smile and such, i will smile back.

(Edit) : yea i know, i might be attracted to the wrong kind of girls


----------



## KILOBRAVO

Why do so many people here just decide to write "nothing"? You'd be as well not typing anything if that's the case and it makes the whole thread more negative. It's kinda a self-fulfilling prophecy doing that, looking for sympathy.


----------



## blue2

Being a sarcastic [email protected]$$.


----------



## Kevin001

Investing in myself .


----------



## ravens

Nothing like I have for my whole life. I don't have anything to offer so no point in trying to get a girlfriend.


----------



## D'avjo

Facebooking messenging a girl I know, one from my school days, who I bumped into before lock down. Gonna see if we can meet up in the next couple of weeks.



Been getting a lot of texts from an ex gf from way back, who I have remained friends with since, and who I love to bits but not in that way I dont think,


----------



## cafune

getting a girl is hard (currently nothing; i'm watching something else pan out)


----------



## andy1984

yay team nothing! :yay


----------



## Canadian Brotha

Being horrible awkward & timid around my neighbour


----------



## Plasma

Soon in the process of slowly cultivating my own life.


----------



## either/or

Nothing right apparently...


----------



## wmu'14

Nothing I try works


----------



## andy1984

well I have returned to bumble. lets see if anything happens. at least I can practice making chit chat.


----------



## donistired

Absolutely nothing. I should probably work on that, but at the same time is dying alone really all that bad?


----------



## wmu'14

Going to Shy People's club on Wednesdays


----------



## AshtrayedHeart

Actually I met someone online back in March. We talked for hours everyday and eventually she gave me her number. From then we Skyped every night. I promised I'd vist in summer. 

So then she told me she didn't want to talk anymore. And after a few desperate weeks of begging her over text she never replied. And that was the only relationship I've ever had. 

So to answer your question I'll probably just die alone now


----------



## James10145

Nothing cause I'm focusing on myself plus I never search for a gf I just let it happen


----------



## SilentLyric

for once, absolutely nothing.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

AshtrayedHeart said:


> Actually I met someone online back in March. We talked for hours everyday and eventually she gave me her number. From then we Skyped every night. I promised I'd vist in summer.
> 
> So then she told me she didn't want to talk anymore. And after a few desperate weeks of begging her over text she never replied. And that was the only relationship I've ever had.
> 
> So to answer your question I'll probably just die alone now


:hug


----------



## ravens

Absolutely nothing.


----------



## Ominous Indeed

ravens said:


> Absolutely nothing.


Why not ravens?


----------



## Ominous Indeed

AshtrayedHeart said:


> Actually I met someone online back in March. We talked for hours everyday and eventually she gave me her number. From then we Skyped every night. I promised I'd vist in summer.
> 
> So then she told me she didn't want to talk anymore. And after a few desperate weeks of begging her over text she never replied. And that was the only relationship I've ever had.
> 
> So to answer your question I'll probably just die alone now


----------



## ravens

Ominous Indeed said:


> Why not ravens?


I've never tried to get a girlfriend and I just don't think I have anything to offer anybody. When you look at yourself and think you're just worthless there's no reason to even try.


----------



## Ominous Indeed

ravens said:


> I've never tried to get a girlfriend and I just don't think I have anything to offer anybody. When you look at yourself and think you're just worthless there's no reason to even try.


What are you good at? What do you like about yourself, or what do others like about you, like your parents?

You are not allowed to answer with "nothing", "I am nothing", or other derogatory terms towards yourself.


----------



## SilentLyric

going into hibernation, doing INTENSE self reflection and study, coming out a ****ING god, then enter the dark realm of endless love, sex, and cuddling.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

SilentLyric said:


> going into hibernation, doing INTENSE self reflection and study, coming out a ****ING god, then enter the dark realm of endless love, sex, and cuddling.


Sounds like a plan mate. 

As for myself. Ill be waiting forever and ever for a girl to ever come up and ask to go out not that its appropriate during this time. ugh. :fall



ravens said:


> I've never tried to get a girlfriend and I just don't think I have anything to offer anybody. When you look at yourself and think you're just worthless there's no reason to even try.


same. its a horrible feeling knowing that if you lack the courage necessary to do things to get done, things wont change. Its stagnant in that respect. I wish I had just even a tiny bit to get into a relationship even if the girl isnt my physical attractiveness level. Keep in mind you have strengths, weaknesses, limitations, and possibilities just like everyone. What bothers me is that in the dating realm to me it seems one sided in some instances. I wish there was an easy button for life. :duck


----------



## ravens

CopadoMexicano said:


> same. its a horrible feeling knowing that if you lack the courage necessary to do things to get done, things wont change. Its stagnant in that respect. I wish I had just even a tiny bit to get into a relationship even if the girl isnt my physical attractiveness level. Keep in mind you have strengths, weaknesses, limitations, and possibilities just like everyone. What bothers me is that in the dating realm to me it seems one sided in some instances. I wish there was an easy button for life. :duck


For me it's hard to think about what my strengths are. I just can't come up with what they are.

I wish I had done a lot of things different when I was younger. My life has been mostly a waste.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

ravens said:


> For me it's hard to think about what my strengths are. I just can't come up with what they are.
> 
> I wish I had done a lot of things different when I was younger. My life has been mostly a waste.


:hug I have trouble as well identifying anything that is strength especially inner strength. I think imo just living with any mental disorder is a sign of strength. I had massive opportunities when i was younger to have a potentially different life then today. Fear of what people might think held me back. even more so with girls in general :um


----------



## ravens

CopadoMexicano said:


> :hug I have trouble as well identifying anything that is strength especially inner strength. I think imo just living with any mental disorder is a sign of strength. I had massive opportunities when i was younger to have a potentially different life then today. Fear of what people might think held me back. even more so with girls in general :um


I wish I would have gone to college and made something of my life. Instead I got a job in construction with my father and made $5 an hour when I was 18. By time time I was in my 40's I was making $12 an hour. I think the most I ever made in a year was probably around $15,000. Most of the time it was probably less than half that. Not enough to live on my own so I've always lived with my parents. Those are some of the reasons that I've never approached any women.

My brother, he makes almost $100,000 a year, has been married for 16 years and has 2 children. When I look at how his life is it makes me feel like I'm just so worthless.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

ravens said:


> I wish I would have gone to college and made something of my life. Instead I got a job in construction with my father and made $5 an hour when I was 18. By time time I was in my 40's I was making $12 an hour. I think the most I ever made in a year was probably around $15,000. Most of the time it was probably less than half that. Not enough to live on my own so I've always lived with my parents. Those are some of the reasons that I've never approached any women.
> 
> *My brother, he makes almost $100,000 a year, has been married for 16 years and has 2 children. When I look at how his life is it makes me feel like I'm just so worthless*.


I can understand that. Ive felt despicable making only minimum wage while just working retail and it was a very frustrating experience. Everything about working I dont like especially if the pay is poverty wages. At least I have some college education but its never too late to go to university or finish your education. though college can be very difficult and boring to deal with on every level. I wish I could back in the past and change everything. Now ive been trying online dating and its hella frustrating ugh.


----------



## SilentLyric

tried asking out coworker. bad idea I guess.


was hoping after we didnt work together (her reason for declining) that she would contact me, but that hasn't been the case. I was already subtley turned down for a hangout anyways so I guess I expected too much. sucks because she was pretty.


----------



## D'avjo

SilentLyric said:


> tried asking out coworker. bad idea I guess.
> 
> was hoping after we didnt work together (her reason for declining) that she would contact me, but that hasn't been the case. I was already subtley turned down for a hangout anyways so I guess I expected too much. sucks because she was pretty.


It was a good idea, just keep going...whats the worse that can happen?? Well..they can turn round and laugh at you with all their friends.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

D'avjo said:


> It was a good idea, just keep going...whats the worse that can happen?? Well..they can turn round and laugh at you with all their friends.


True, though I wouldnt do it even though its tempting because the worst that can happen is probably a lot of gossip in the company. I had a strong desire to date my managers daughter that also worked there but hesitated. Id probably be fired on the spot if I do go back.


----------



## D'avjo

CopadoMexicano said:


> True, though I wouldnt do it even though its tempting because the worst that can happen is probably a lot of gossip in the company. I had a strong desire to date my managers daughter that also worked there but hesitated. Id probably be fired on the spot if I do go back.


was joking about the girls laughing etc ha

Quite a few members on here post how they will be alone forever, never get a partner and so on.... if I thought that was the case for me and it was making me miserable, then I'd be out rest of today asking girls out. I dont mean it as in any girl would do, but if your are single, really down about never having a relationship and have the mindset that it would never happen, then I'd happily accept loads of No's (dont mean me as obv that wont happen ha) with the almost guaranteed "yes" thrown in.


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## CopadoMexicano

D'avjo said:


> *was joking about the girls laughing etc ha*
> 
> Quite a few members on here post how they will be alone forever, never get a partner and so on.... if I thought that was the case for me and it was making me miserable, then I'd be out rest of today asking girls out. I dont mean it as in any girl would do, but if your are single, really down about never having a relationship and have the mindset that it would never happen, then I'd happily accept loads of No's (dont mean me as obv that wont happen ha) with the almost guaranteed "yes" thrown in.


Lol. yeah having the mindset that i wont get any woman would be almost self defeat but I kind of had high expectations leading to disappointment. Its been a nightmare tbh. I cant expect every girl I see in public to say oh sure lets go out. lol Though it may sound silly but trying to have all of them while not having any of them that I want to be with isnt realistic.


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## D'avjo

CopadoMexicano said:


> Lol. yeah having the mindset that i wont get any woman would be almost self defeat but I kind of had high expectations leading to disappointment. Its been a nightmare tbh. I cant expect every girl I see in public to say oh sure lets go out. lol Though it may sound silly but trying to have all of them while not having any of them that I want to be with isnt realistic.


Well, unless you are a smooth mother ****er with moolah dyou need to be realistic about the girls you want to talk to or ask out. We all know our limits lol!!


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## CopadoMexicano

D'avjo said:


> Well, unless you are a smooth mother ****er with moolah dyou need to be realistic about the girls you want to talk to or ask out. We all know our limits lol!!


hehe, you silly you.  Sadly, i still think of the girl I first was so obsessed about. Now its like well if I approach girls I want to talk to but feel im too interested in them its a no go. But looking back at the girls that I thought werent so physically attractive was being judgmental. So hopefully I can readjust my attitudinal perspective not just on women but in living. Its been hard for everyone of course because of the pandemic. ugh


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## D'avjo

CopadoMexicano said:


> So hopefully I can readjust my attitudinal perspective not just on women


Give it ten years and you'll take anything lol


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## CopadoMexicano

D'avjo said:


> Give it ten years and you'll take anything lol


ten years sounds like a long time but probably accurate. I mean if it wasnt for wasting at least twenty years of not doing nothing then another ten years is like omg. I dont even know if id be alive if I can manage to avoid a cardio myopathy. (heart attack). :um Anyway not to get off tangent but I honestly dont take action in this respect so I know what the problem is. :O


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## Sekiro

you know what's crazy


I've only been asked out by a girl once. I don't know what kind of weird intimidating aura I give off but I mean it must be me right? Right????


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## CopadoMexicano

Sekiro said:


> you know what's crazy
> 
> I've only been asked out by a girl once. I don't know what kind of weird intimidating aura I give off but I mean it must be me right? Right????


same thing happened to me but I really messed up on rejecting a girl that was gorgeous. Then again the what ifs and not doing nothing. Deeply regret say yes then no to a seemingly confident and intelligent woman just to avoid the hassle of having to go through dating.


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## Sekiro

CopadoMexicano said:


> same thing happened to me but I really messed up on rejecting a girl that was gorgeous. Then again the what ifs and not doing nothing. Deeply regret say yes then no to a seemingly confident and intelligent woman just to avoid the hassle of having to go through dating.


 Oh man my guy that sucks. You gotta take the what ifs in life you never know where they might lead.


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## CopadoMexicano

Sekiro said:


> Oh man my guy that sucks. You gotta take the what ifs in life you never know where they might lead.


True, and being highly ignorant to certain things in life is not good. I mean you can get wiser as you get older but not taking self responsibility has its repercussions. :duck so now ive had a slight luck if its even that with ten or more women on okcupid saying they like my profile. I doubt there really interested but I have to sign up for a subscription to see what the hell it is. :um


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## ravens

Sekiro said:


> you know what's crazy
> 
> I've only been asked out by a girl once. I don't know what kind of weird intimidating aura I give off but I mean it must be me right? Right????


I've never been asked out by any girls but that's just the way it is.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Canadian Brotha said:


> Being horrible awkward & timid around my neighbour


Either you were being too hard on yourself or it worked, lol

As for me, nothing now. I was on a dating site I thought was super promising because of how it functioned and the women on there seemed much more genuine than those of tinder ilk but even in the instance where a woman would reciprocate with me at length it wasn't long before they randomly ghosted, just like the rest.

Now I'm back off again and couldn't care less if I'm single for the rest of my life. There's no way to meet like-minded women atm anyway and the world is turning to ****.


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## iAmCodeMonkey

Being the fellow admin of her Discord server. lmao


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## Memories of Silence

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Being the fellow admin of her Discord server. lmao


It worked. :kiss:


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## SilentLyric

D'avjo said:


> It was a good idea, just keep going...whats the worse that can happen?? Well..they can turn round and laugh at you with all their friends.


update: officially turned down now.


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## CopadoMexicano

SilentLyric said:


> update: officially turned down now.


aww man. ugh. I get ignored by women and overlooked even if Im not attracted to them. Im not trying to talk to them like it ever happens. Its most women not all so that kind of goes with the assumption of being the nice guy or nice guy syndrome. :um I guess my aura is to have people generally run away from me because of my self destructive behavior.


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## SilentLyric

CopadoMexicano said:


> aww man. ugh. I get ignored by women and overlooked even if Im not attracted to them. Im not trying to talk to them like it ever happens. Its most women not all so that kind of goes with the assumption of being the nice guy or nice guy syndrome. :um I guess my aura is to have people generally run away from me because of my self destructive behavior.


meh yeah I guess I took the attention as a sign of attraction but it wasnt.

id rather be ignored at this point, that **** stung like a nasty hornet.


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## D'avjo

SilentLyric said:


> id rather be ignored at this point, that **** stung like a nasty hornet.


sorry to hear, can sting like a ***** eh

its not good to invest too much emotion into other people if you can, and certainly not someone you are not in a relationship with but would like to be. If they are on your mind quite a bit its time to cool it.


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## SilentLyric

well after the rejection that helped with that. hurt, then i decided to focus on myself.



but they were definitely on my mind alot before. fell in love and all that.


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## melancholyscorpio

Nothing really.

I'm on lesbian dating apps but they are not helpful. I feel shallow and also most of the women don't seem genuine.

I don't pay for it so I can't message women.

There is this female that works at a restaurant that I have a crush on. I will try to talk to her when I have the chance.


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## Persephone The Dread

The same thing I must do to 'get' anyone reincarnation. I'm procrastinating on the first step though.

(this isn't the edgiest post idea I've had for this thread when I've seen it get bumped, but I'm not going to post the one I had before still lol.)


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