# Sanghai, here i am.



## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Hey,

I am from paris and will spend one year in shanghai as an exchange student. It gives me the opportunity to have a fresh start, as i feel really bad here. I feel I have changed a lot but i don't have the social circle that could enable me to develop a fulfiling social life. The problem is that the process i have underwent to change has affected my personality and i feel that my old friends aren't really the kind of people i like the best anymore, and i have currently few occasions to meet different people.

Next year, i will focus on what i really want from life and i will do my best to go and find it. The first thing I want is experience love.

I want to do exciting stuffs and things i dreamt about but that my fear has prevented me from doing. I have carrefully think about what i have to do. i'll do things differently. 

I will try to find a shared appartment with cool people; i will attend as many social events as i can. I have take a great amount of time to know the city and the places that seems interesting to me, so i will hang out there, alone or with others, in order to meet people. I'll also use tinder to date girls.

The most difficult thing will probably be to find people who could be real friend. Not because I am too shy but because I am a little misanthrope and really picky. I hate shallow people who live like sheeps and have no originality whatsoever (that's to say a lot people). But of course i am realistic and i know that i will have to socialize with people i don't like and go to ****ty social events (mainstream clubs, etc...).

I am really excited, because i feel that now i can make progresses very fast, as i already have during the next months. I am not afraid because i have already suffered so much from loneliness that it can not be worst. Here my life feels nearly like a dead end.

I think i will regularly post on this thread. I will leave France in august. I start the thread now because i am bored. I have a lot of energy, mainly fuelled by a deep frustration, but i feel that it is useless here. I feel like an animal in a samll cage.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

This is awesome. Way to do what you want and not let SA and boredom rule you. I also really want to travel and am working on my escape plan


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Cool  personnaly, i don't want to see this year as an escape, but more like an opportunity to make huge progress. Here at home, there are too many things that i feel hold me back. I hope that one year away will enable to leave this behind me for good. I want to be able to enjoy my life when i ll come back in Paris. But i don't want to have too much expectations either; i know that the environnement will be more suitable to socialize but sometimes people who move far away forget that what they don t like in themselves will not stay behind. One cannot run from That. The only way is to face it, wherever you are.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

it's weird i always thought the atmosphere of shanghai is quite similar to paris.

anyway. it's such an exciting city, weird and interesting things happen every day and strangers actually talk to you. idk, i miss that kind of life. i would actually advise you to avoid the clubs there, but maybe that is a standard for social events depending on what circles you run in. ALSO BUY LOTS OF CHEAP STUFF FROM QIPU LU MARKET OK!!!!

ps. take me with you ;_;


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Shanghai similar to paris ? Hehe not really. I mean, they are both very exciting cities but it their own way. Shanghai is more modern, bigger and also way more flashy. In shanghai it s all about money (which isnt so surprising since china has not been developped for a very long time). I know that i won t find the same underground scene than in paris but i have made some research and there are some interesting places... Anyway i don t go there for the clubs, or i would have chosen another city in europe.


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Where do you live ?


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Plus i have the idea of being a dj in some bars or clubs. In shanghai some people try to develop an underground scene but they have troubles to do it. As i have a lot of good european songs and i know how to mix maybe i could be of some use. I never had the guts to do that in paris. It would be a huge achievement for me.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

ah yea i get what you mean. i was thinking more in terms of the lifestyle and the whole general attitude, like shanghainese folks have a kind of 小资情节, they care about quality and the finer things in life which is similar to the french. but shanghai doesn't really have much history and culture unlike paris, it's all very modern. so maybe paris is more like beijing in that regard (also the ten gajillion tourists everywhere you go... god help me >_<) i think the hub of china's underground rock scene is in beijing too, although i'm not too sure so don't ask me lol. but from what i see the chinese are very welcoming of foreigners in arts and entertainment because they bring a certain factor of authenticity. good luck, i'm sure you will do fine!

ps. i would rather not reveal my location on the forums, but if you want to talk further just message me. or not. i'm cool with whatever.


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Ok no problem ! I don t pm people as i prefer no to stay to much on this kind of websites, it distracts me from real life (even if it is very useful).


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

that's probably a good idea, lol

eta: i think you'll find that not everyone is focused on money. but uhhh.. yea, point taken.


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

And true, chinese are very welcoming and open prople from what i have seen. when the country will be more developped they will be more aware of the fact that you don t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I did a similar thing and spent time living in Malaysia, it was definitely the turning point for my fight with SA and my life in general.

Congratulations


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Thanks ! has your life been better in your home country since you went back (in comparison with what it was before you left) ?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Cassoulet94 said:


> Thanks ! has your life been better in your home country since you went back (in comparison with what it was before you left) ?


Very much due to the increased self confidence and ability to pursue goals I never could before.


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

Good for you ! And for me too i hope.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Wow that is amazing congratulations and good luck!


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

I'm in Shanghai all alone, looking for roomates. People look at you a lot in the street because you're white, hehe i don't like that too much. Potentially there are a lot of stressful situations. Sometimes I get awkward but now I know that what matters more is my ability to adapt and I think i can do so pretty quickly, so I think it's gonna be ok.


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## Cassoulet94 (Apr 3, 2014)

I think it's really one of the more useful way to learn the social skills i miss. i have to talk with a lot of people, so i am getting used to small chat and that kind of things. Plus i have to talk in english, so if I get a little uncomfortable it just look like i am searching for my words.

However my mood is really dependent on the number and the quality of my social interactions. I'm scared to make the same mistakes i usually do and to end up alone. I can feel on the top of the world after a good party or things like that and feeling really depressed and empty a few hours later.

And I really want to get a girlfriend. But i'm pretty picky with people so that's not so easy. Plus when i meet a girl i like i tend to get obsessed and attached to her even if i barely know her. I talked with this beautiful girl i met on facebook while trying to find roommates. We had a beer. I was really nervous and now i want to see her again but i don't want to look needy as it is a big turn off. We have a lot of common interests but she has way more social skills than me, so i'm afraid she found me boring. My mind get so messed up, that's always like that with girl i'm attracted to, it's really annoying, i met her once and only a text from her can dramatically change my mood. That shows that i am actually really needy.

When people who i care about don't respond to my messages on fb or my texts i can really feel abandoned. I wish i wouldn't feel that way but i do. my mood is so unstable. i sent her a text two days ago and she didn't respond. Then i send her a fb message this morning and she didn't answer either. If she doesn't respond in the following days i'll just give up but i will feel like **** because it would mean that even though we were having enjoyable conversations on fb and despite our many shared interests, my social awkwardness was so repulsive that she couldn't even consider to be friend with me, which i would also have liked a great deal.

She only texted me once after our meeting, she was nice but it was probably mere politeness.

I know, i think too much but i have felt lonely almost all my life so let's be honest, i am so ****ing needy haha. 

Anyway, i feel that i gain more and more social skills and that i am more at ease, thanks to a lot of encounters with people from so much different places. Speaking in a foreign language is also a great exercise.


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