# Go to www.rational.org.nz



## Boogie (Mar 10, 2006)

This site has a free CBT programme. I found it really helpful


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I guess this is what you get when you have free national health care. 



> The 12 Self-defeating beliefs
> 
> 1. I need love and approval from those significant to me, and I must avoid disapproval from any source.
> 
> ...


I think I have everyone of those thoughts, except #8. I think everyone should rely on themselves and be self sufficient.


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## Boogie (Mar 10, 2006)

Have you tried disputing them?


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

*Re: re: Go to www.rational.org.nz*



Cash said:


> Have you tried disputing them?


Maybe a little, but it isn't easy.

*1. I need love and approval from those significant to me, and I must avoid disapproval from any source.*
If I have enemies and people that don't like me, life is too hard. I have to try and avoid them or prove that I am better. And there is this weird thing that after a few years my enemies usually do something stupid and 'go away'.

*2. To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes.*
I have to be perfect at what I do or people die. Failure is not an option. But it is still a fun and interesting job. After I am done with this job in a few years, I will consider myself successful no matter what I do next. Even if it is being a ski and beach bum for a year. I want to be an inventor next, and I don't care if some of my ideas don't take off.

*3. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished.*
True. Do onto others as you want done to yourself. There would be severe punishments if I was in charge.

*4. Things must be the way I want them to be, otherwise life will be intolerable.*
I usually fix or modify anything I buy to make it better. If things go the way I want, there won't be any problems to worry about.

*5. My unhappiness is caused by things which are outside my control, so there is little I can do to feel any better.*
Since I don't have control to make things exactly the way I want them to be, there is only so high my happiness level can go.

*6. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, otherwise they might happen.*
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Safety and security must be #1 and #2.

*7. I can be happier by avoiding life's difficulties, unpleasantness and responsibilities.*
This is a tough one. Happiness isn't a scale from 0-10, it is from -10 to 10. By doing very little and not taking any chances, you will never get into negative territory.

*8. Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves.*
I think people need to be self-reliant and not depend on anyone else. I don't think my answer is what they were looking for though.

*9. Events in my past are the cause of my problems, and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviours now.*
Yes. Fear about not having money makes me save a lot.

*10. I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they're sad.*
Sometimes I'm ok on this one, other times I feel nothing inside. Other times I feel nothing.

*11. I shouldn't have to feel discomfort and pain. I can't stand them and must avoid them at all costs.*
I would rather not be in a relationship than to go through a breakup.

*12. Every problem should have an ideal solution, and it is intolerable when one can't be found.* 
There is a correct answer to every problem. It is only intolerable when other people don't see it.


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## OutbackJack (Dec 5, 2006)

*Re: re: Go to www.rational.org.nz*



Classified said:


> Cash said:
> 
> 
> > Have you tried disputing them?
> ...


Hi is that like CBT therapy I find it hard to challenge alot of old thoughts Oj


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

It is CBT and exposure therapy. It does work if you are willing to give it a chance, but it isn't always easy.


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## Boogie (Mar 10, 2006)

Classified your attempts at disputing made me laugh. 
I agree its not easy. Sometimes I get stuck believing that the way I see it is the only way it could possibly be. But it is possible and so far I think its been worth the effort. At the moment Im trying to generate as many alternative explanations for a situations as possible.
For example: 
EVENT: I phone someone and leave a message on their machine. 2 days later they havent called back
POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS:
1) They havent checked their messages
2) Theyve been too busy to call back
3) They havent called me back because they dont want to talk to me because they dont like me.
The third explanation would be my first.
Anyway thanks for the laugh


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