# feel good, feel bad, feel good, feel bad...



## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Anyone feel like they have no real emotions, like they are just in a constant state of unrelenting turmoil? Like the chemicals in their brain have taken over their soul? I don't even know what to believe anymore. When people ask me how I feel all I can do is just shrug my shoulders, because it would be lying if I told them how I felt at that exact instant... because a minute later some bad thought might pop into my head and my whole mood will reverse. When I am feeling good I go to great lengths to avoid all possible things that could bring me down,and when I'm feeling bad... well I just don't think at all, it brings on intense anxiety just to think about anything.

My mood is pretty stable at the moment. That's the only reason I can write this at all. What I mean is you have periods of time where you feel the way I described.


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## Dreamer'sHideaway (Jan 8, 2009)

My moods go up and down so much, as well. Its always having to do with what's currently going on - I am extremely reactive. You described how, when you feel good you avoid doing things that could bring you down. Today I avoided a lab. Thursday I avoided a lab for another class. If I had gone and they went "well", fine. But if I'd gone and they ended up awful and awkward, I would have come back to my room and cried myself to sleep. I know its unhealthy thinking, but its not as though I have complete control over how I would do in a group situation. My mind freezes and I don't have anything to contribute except a "yeah, good idea". Its been getting better for courses that I used to not like (English, Psychology type things) but its getting horrible for classes like calculus (which I dropped) and science courses (dropped chemistry and physics last semester). Anyway, going off on a tangent- but the point is I feel so incompetent most of the time in subjects I'd LIKE to be good at.

People do not often ask how I am doing (anybody who I would be on a small-talk level of communication with are people I avoid) because the only people I talk to are close family members and close friends. My friends have similar troubles as me, some worse and are *far* from being those well-rounded lah-dee-dah people who I hate because I envy. I think I would be lying at any given time if I said I was doing well. I'd be covering up all the things I worry about from day to day. I'd be covering up the fact that I keep getting nausea due to nerves. I may be able to say "I'm excited about skiing this weekend" but realistically I'm also nervous about the social part of the skiing event. If my mood isn't consistent, my nerves are.


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I can relate. 
more often than not I am feeling in a negative mood where everything seems terrible and there's no hope, even the smallest problem seems like a bottomless pit. But quite often I will suddenly click into feeling quite positive and can't think of anything particularly bad :/ Like, suddenly I'm rational. It doesn't last that long usually though.
I wish I could work out how to put myself into a good mood more often, maybe there is some kind of trigger that I'm not noticing.


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## paper heart (Jan 22, 2009)

I know how this feels.

Have you ever thought that maybe the people around you bring you down?
It reminds me of a Bright Eyes song, "False Advertising"
.."Now all anyone's listening for are the mistakes."

When I feel good, I know no one can hear any mistakes. All because I don't let them hear them because I avoid them. Whether I make a mistake or I do anything praise-worthy, I tend to keep it to myself in case if I slip something criticism-worthy.

I think this is an all-around negative aspect. 
I'm sure your actions aren't mistake-ridden like you think.

Keep an eye for mistakes that other people are doing.
It will probably make you feel more of like a human when your mistakes are equal to the mistakes around others.

When "something bad" happens, you should feel good knowing that your mistakes are "something bad" that happened to the people around you.

"something bad" is probably not too bad in a non-social disorder's mind.

I really hope I'm not sounding *****y or anything of the sort. It's just complicating to put my sympathy into words. :/


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Is this similar to bipolar? My mood usually fluctuates depending on how much sleep I had last night, current stress level, and if my hungry or not.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

paper heart - I love Bright Eyes by the way. Good taste in music  I understand what you are saying but it really doesn't have to do with any particular people. If anything, people actually will make me feel better because my own thoughts are worse than what anyone else could possibly say to me. When I feel this way, the anxiety is extremely intense and I becomes hostile if I'm criticized, not physically but with words.

prodigal son - Yeah, actually I think the word for the "bad" feeling that I described is dysphoria... there are two kinds of dysphoria in mixed bipolar states... dysphoric mania and agitated depression. You can experience dysphoria without being bipolar but it could be a sign. I think i have bipolar II... basically I have hypomanic or manic states that are triggered by antidepressants (my original diagnosis was depression). I don't know if you have ever taken antidepressants, but if they make you really agitated/on-edge, or possibly euphoric, that's a good indicator that you might be bipolar. I recently quit the antidepressants and started lamictal (a mood stabilizer). I'm already starting to feel calmer and feel like I'm getting my emotions back. But it hasn't taken full effect yet. I still crave alcohol at night which of course just complicates the whole situation.


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## Sierra83 (Sep 24, 2007)

My moods were much like that right before I decided to go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Total chemical imbalance.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Sierra83 said:


> My moods were much like that right before I decided to go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Total chemical imbalance.


Are you on a mood stabilizer? Are you doing better now?

The lamictal is definitely doing something but I don't know if it's doing what it's supposed to do. I'm at 25 mg which is not enough to actually be effective. It's going to be another 2 weeks before I am at the full 100 mg. If anything it seems like my moods are swinging more lately, but there is less dysphoria. Is that normal?


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## Mr.Anon (Jan 12, 2009)

For me, I try so hard to feel good & to literally brainwash myself into feeling good. though at times I, for some reason, tend to purposly think about negatives & tell myself how much of a loser I am & how I have no friends & I have no future & to just off myself. (Though I'd never...) Then it fades away sooner or later & then I do it again another day. Its as though I thrive to make myself depressed. Perhaps its my way of persoanlly venting, because its the only thing I can think of.


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## sweet_tiff4prez (Oct 11, 2008)

Tнᶓ ᶂuturε Iѕ ɳош »;812016 said:


> This is me most of the time. This week has been a decent week. Not as bad as usual. Except for 3 episodes. I usually will be anxious to depressed one moment and mins later, happy. Happy one min, to upset mins later and back to happy (like earlier today).. Right now I'm really happy and talkative for no particular reason and hopefully it will stay like this for a while.


this is how I was. my therapist diagnosed me with recurrent major depression-meaning depression that comes and goes. it cycles similar to those with bipolar disorder without the manic episodes.

But like u my moods could change in one day. I could get up in the morning depressed and feel better midday and then depressed later. I never knew what my moods would be likethe next day. ive had cases where I would go weeks without depressed. sometimes days and then crash

however i really think i have bipolar 2. I had a few days back in the day where I felt a little more happy than usual. im a negative person and when this was occurring i felt way less negative. i felt i could deal with my social anxiety and become better. i felt more attractive.

wellbutrin has worked for months really good but for some reason i feel like im going downhill. i wouldnt say i was depressed as before but...im starting to get agitated sometimes. Im starting to feel more sad. but then again my life is boring.

one day i couldnt find my keys and when i found the key i threw it against the wall lol...leaving a little scrap.

im not a violent person but i have thrown things out of anger a few times.


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## sweet_tiff4prez (Oct 11, 2008)

Prodigal Son said:


> Is this similar to bipolar? My mood usually fluctuates depending on how much sleep I had last night, current stress level, and if my hungry or not.


same here. if i dont get enough sleep my mood changes. if im very hungry it can effect my mood.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

Yes this happens....feel good, feel bad feel bad feel bad feel bad, feel good. Though even when I feel good I still feel bad deep in my heart. I'm pretty sure of the reasons, as it has to do with my current social life and my interactions with people aren't as smooth as I'd like them to be.


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