# Will CBT help with this?



## milla (Sep 10, 2012)

I've recently been referred for CBT to treat a low mood/anxiety disorder. I get anxious in some social situations which in my opinion all leads back to the fact i'm pretty ugly and awkward. I was offered a place on a social anxiety group and put on the waiting list for individual therapy but since I will be at university when the group starts I can't travel back every week for it, and am therefore just holding out for the individual therapy. It took me years to pluck up the courage to go to my GP and ask for some help, mainly because I don't want to come accross as exaggerating or attention seeking, and since I went, I've developed this massive complex that what I feel isn't actually bad enough to warrant treatment and really its just that i'm very shy and somehow i've exaggerated without realising it or something...

Social anxiety only affects me badly when it comes to situations where it is important that people like me (or at least that they think i'm normal and not a complete wierdo). I don't have a problem talking to people if I'm never going to see them again and I'm not particularly fussed of what they think about me... so I can order food from a waiter, be served in a shop, ring up the internet company, get on public transport etc and as long as the conversation stays 'on script' and functional I feel fine, and if it is a little awkward (which it often is) I can get over it because its their job to talk to me and they will proabably forget about me once they get home. Perhaps a better way of describing that is I was able to work as a checkout girl in a busy supermarket for two years, I can keep a generic conversation going with a stranger but as soon as it goes off script I panic. You got regular customers who would try and talk to you about things other than if they wanted a plastic bag and I would get very nervous about serving them, always be looking out for them in the queue, try not to make eye contact, overanalyse my extremely awkward conversations with them, be convinced they thought I was a very strange person but also feel kind of rejected and like i'd done something wrong when they didnt come to my till (totally irrational I know, but true). It is always much worse with younger people as I feel like they are judging me far more than older people do.

I'm not a quiet person once you get to know me. I have small groups of close friends both at uni and home and when I am with them alone I am a completely different person, I talk freely, I crack jokes, mess around, feel completely relaxed because I know they don't care what I look like, and know that I am different to the TERRIBLE first impression I give off (this isn't my imagination - it takes me months to loosen up and the people who do stick around long enough to get to know me without writing me off as a freak say that I am totally different to what they first thought). I can go to pubs and restaurants just with these people and feel slightly paranoid i'm being judged by strangers, but okay enough to enjoy myself. But as soon as even one person I don't know as well is present on a social level, I get on edge and any enjoyment is sucked away.

Thing is, it doesn't _always _stop me from trying. I don't completely avoid these scenarios with people I don't know (unless there is particular pressure to look attractive in which case I completely freak out and get so upset I can't go - cant do nightclubs anymore, for example, and have rules about what pubs and bars and parties I can do and have to be in a particular mindstate to deal with them). I guess there is always a part of me that hopes it will be different this time and I WILL be able to talk, and if not, I will endure it as I have gotten used to sitting in the corner as the quiet one, I rarely feel so unbearably bad that I have to run or anything (although hiding in toilets quite often occurs) which is good. I will listen and laugh along to group conversation but i'm always sat in nervous anticipation of someone I don't know well talking to me, my mind goes blank and I feel unable to talk or contribute anything to the conversation, and if anyone other than a close friend talks directly to me I stutter, stumble and deal with it in the most awkward way possible which only makes me more anxious. I sort of always feel like I am in two places at once, I keep tabs on whats going on around me but have the anxious part of my brain flipping out and being paranoid and hypersensitive and niggling away at me at the same time. I feel very worried in these situations that everyone thinks I'm wierd (I often feel convinced people secretly think I have a learning disability or something) and often feel pretty low afterwards thinking of how I must have come across.

So in uni, I can deal with group work and stuff so long as we are talking about the work...as a massive contradiction, one of my subjects is drama and I can even go on stage and perform (although I do get a little more than nervous, and my performance grades have always been my lowest because self-conciousness stops me from truly letting go or getting into character). The silence and anxiousness only creeps in to an unpleasant level when it comes to the prospect of making friends and aquaintances.I have struggled to make 'proper' friends on my course because lectures and seminars don't give me the considerably large amount of time I need to feel comfortable enough around people to hold a normal conversation with them, and the sad truth is after a few weeks of awkwardness, most people just write you off as a wierdo and never try again. I've gotten away with being the quiet one in the corner for a long time, which I hate but have reluctantly accepted. Uni is a bit of a safety blanket, the last opportunity I will ever get to make friends just by being there so much that I eventually feel comfortable enough to talk, you don't get that luxury outside of education. When I worked at the supermarket I never got involved with the social side of things but it worries me that when/if I get a 'real' job I won't be able to get away with it any longer. I just see a bit of a black hole after graduation really, the way I am I can't see myself ever with a partner or kids, talking let alone FLIRTING with boys makes me terribly anxious and is pretty much out of the question. My shyness is putting me off getting work experience and the idea of applying for jobs in a few months (apart from one recent bout of volunteering which ended up absolutely terrible and NEVER AGAIN) which is a shame cos i'm doing okay academically and I know if I could just get over this I am not THAT horrendous a person...

So does this sound like something CBT can actually help with? I'm very conscious that my anxiety doesn't make it _impossible_ for me to do things I just don't do them in the optimum way... also because I was treated for panic attacks when I was little I don't get really bad physical symptoms...I still get sort of the starts of panic attacks like my heart will race, dry mouth, sweaty, lightheaded... if its particularly bad I can feel shaky and a bit choked/flinchy but they never fully escalate into a full blown hyperventilating mess like they used to (which is obviously a good thing as no-one wants to feel like that). Its more just worrying and paranoia and really not liking myself much for it...but yeah I don't know if what I suffer from is bad enough to be considered social anxiety disorder or wether I am just pretty shy and neurotic and an introvert and destined to be so forever?! Sorry about the ramble.


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## Sous la Mer (Apr 9, 2010)

I apologize for not reading your whole post, although it's a bit long. Ok its very long...lol. But my inference from even just reading the first few sentences that you wrote, is yes..you would benefit from CBT. You are already exhibiting signs of Social Anxiety and I remember my first visit to the doc years ago, I too was embarrassed and afraid they would think I was "just making it up" or exaggerating to get attention.

I also see that you have a lot more negative self-talk than just that one example. Basically, CBT is going to teach you ways to recognize the negative thinking patterns you have and to challenge them and balance them with more rational and well thought out ideas about yourself. 

You can definitely learn CBT in a one on one setting with a therapist, but I would make sure to let them know you are interested in this or they likely will just use talk therapy with you. Also, the benefit of practicing CBT in a group setting is that you go back regularly and meet with the same people who are also struggling with the same issues and it gives you a chance to practice exposure therapy with the group instead of on your own.

Just my two cents...


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## michelle86 (Sep 8, 2012)

Hopefully the answer to your question is "yes" because I am going to start CBT next week for almost the exact same reasons as you


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