# Paternal Urges :-x



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

So this is kind of embarrassing to ask, but are there any guys here who have "paternal urges"? You hear so much about girls and women having "maternal urges", but am I the only guy who has paternal urges? It seems like every time I see a baby or hear someone talk about their infant, my mind is like "oh psh, I'm jealous! :b". Hearing about dads who walk out on their children makes my blood boil. And just the other day, during some down time at work, I found myself thinking up names for my (potential) future children.

Are there any other guys who are this same way? :blush


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

what a great question to ask, I'll bet this is the first time anything like this has ever been posted on here! I'm eager to see some responses.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

I have something similar I guess. I don't think of names for possible future kids though, I'm in no way actually ready for kids of my own. 

Babies always seem to draw my attention somehow, big time. Sometimes when you make eye contact with them they have the best reactions  Sometimes they just look at you like you're the strangest but most interesting thing in the world, I love that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Honestly, I either want to protect them, help them or tell them to behave. Besides that, what else is there?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

YES! I am 34 and single. Whadda ya think?!

As joke, I said i would have four daughters:
Emphysema Lynn
Nicotina Sue
Starla Mae
Twyla Rae
....then I would have a son and name him after myself! MillenniumMuchachito, CenturyChico, etc.

Seriously, the son part is important because I already come from a long line of namesakes. The other children's name can be discussed (naming after family members). But yeah, I get ticked off when I hear about deadbeat dads and even abusive ones - they are out being irresponsible, throwing away a good thing and I sit wishing for the family they had!


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## Freak (Jul 18, 2009)

Being a Paternat when your ready is shorley the most normal thing.


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

Witan said:


> Are there any other guys who are this same way? :blush


Guilty. I imagine what it would be like to hear a SO say, "I'm pregnant", holding that little person for the first time, being called "Dad", the school run, helping with homework, kiddie tantrums, trips to the beach, teenage tantrums, "Go to your room, you're grounded!", their first serious relationship, being the father of the bride/groom, being a grandfather..... holding that little person for the first time, being called "Granddad", the school run, helping with homework, kiddie tantrums, trips to the beach...

Or... not. :cry


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

This whole thread makes me smile... kinda gives me hope... thanks. I know that the hardest part of my breakup with my ex was the memories of him talking about if we had a child together, him picking out a name, him asking me if my son would take his last name, him really sounding like he wanted a life with me and to have a child.... it was like for just a few short months he was able to escape his SA enough to feel normal, to imagine an normal life and to be truly deeply happy... then it all slipped away.

Men who talk about such things get all the way to a woman's heart and soul... how can she not fall hopelessly in love with him. Way to go you guys who not only have those urges and feelings but are not ashamed to admit it. Way to go. Ya'll rock!


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

caflme said:


> Men who talk about such things get all the way to a woman's heart and soul... how can she not fall hopelessly in love with him. Way to go you guys who not only have those urges and feelings but are not ashamed to admit it. Way to go. Ya'll rock!


:ditto

Awww, I LOVE this thread!!! Gives me hope. I didn't know guys even thought about these things until they actually had a child, if even then.


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## Indigo Flow (Oct 3, 2009)

aww, i like this thread too


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

I love spending time with my godson and my best friends kid. But I dont plan on having a child anytime soon.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I have 3 children and I thought I'd enjoy being a parent beforehand, but it's more deeply satisfying than I thought it would be. Being a father is the one unequivocal success in my life, the one thing I wouldn't change, even though it's sometimes the most difficult thing that I do.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

caflme said:


> Men who talk about such things get all the way to a woman's heart and soul... how can she not fall hopelessly in love with him. Way to go you guys who not only have those urges and feelings but are not ashamed to admit it. Way to go. Ya'll rock!


For sure, especially coming from someone who has a strong maternal urge. :b


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I think I've changed my mind. 

this may be the best......


thread......



ever.


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## finster (Jul 5, 2007)

This thread perfectly describes me. Everyday I think 'I wish to God I had turned out normal and had a family and kids', probably the one thing that would give me a reason to live. I'm now a middle aged man 8) and I actually feel like I had a male biological clock that may have run out.

Just like it's hard to watch romance in movies or real life when you have no one, everytime I see a cute child or hear someone talk about their kids I get the most horrible feeling of regret and sadness. For some reason I never really felt like this when I was much younger and when everybody else was hooking up, getting married and having kids and I was this clueless weirdo who was let's say "different" just to be charitable.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Yeah, I think so...

Also, I wouldn't be opposed to adopting rather than having kids of my own. Then again, I guess it's pointless to think about any of this when I'll probably never be in a long-term relationship, anyway...


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Nope. I see kids and run the other way.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


Um...no.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Sometimes I feel this way, but then I'll go to Target, stand in line at the cash registers and observe. I believe the lines at Target may be one of the deepest pits of hell.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Do you want to elaborate, bwidger?


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


:no

This is a very close-minded view you have. I'm not sure if you're trying to start trouble here or if you're actually serious? But, yes, there are many people that should not have children. However, some of us are actually good-hearted, caring, compassionate people that would make wonderful parents. It has nothing to do with selfishness. If that was the case, I would have had many kids by now. But, I know that I will only do this when I am ready and fully capable. And, if I can't have a child, I will adopt.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

It's not a closed-minded view; it's a realistic view. And, yes, I'm serious and I'm trying to inject a little reality into this discussion. Presenting an alternative viewpoint is trying to start trouble?!?

It is a selfish urge whether you want to admit it or not. What do people say when they're considering kids? "I _WANT_ kids. I _WANT_ a boy and a girl. I _WANT_ x number of kids." That's selfishness. For most, having kids is about self-realization, the panning out of a plan for _their_ life. You need to resist these selfish urges as much as possible.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

lol the argument has already begun.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

And here I thought it was to do with biology. Silly me.


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## idontwant (Mar 17, 2009)

I've wanted to have children since I was a child myself. It's only a question of when I'll be ready to support a wife and children. As a young boy I found out that the greatest gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother, so I promised myself not to have children until I've found that woman that would make me the best husband and best father I can be.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I used to have paternal urges. To take care of them I worked with a Boy Scout troop. After a weekend of camping, I was quite happy to send them home to their mothers.


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## Music Man (Aug 22, 2009)

IcedOver said:


> ...
> 
> It is a selfish urge whether you want to admit it or not...


It's not a selfish urge - it's a natural urge.
It's hormones being produced to make people want to reproduce - high levels of testosterone in men drive them to reproduce (being natural), the man might not even think about having children but the hormones change his mind into thinking I MUST HAVE SEX NOW, that is how we are designed.

Some people don't have strong urges like these, some do - it's just the biology of our bodies.
We are controlled by chemicals wether we like it or not - everything we smell, touch, see are even controlled by chemicals.
Sometimes it can be a frightening thought.

As for babies, I love them - especially when they smile at you - that's one person who doesn't judge you!


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Futures said:


> lol the argument has already begun.


LOL I was thinking the same thing.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

leonardess said:


> I think I've changed my mind.
> 
> this may be the best......
> 
> ...


_I know_, I love it!, it makes me smile



IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


That kind of selfishness makes my blood boil too, but I don't think that's where the guys on this thread are coming from.



melissa75 said:


> :no
> 
> This is a very close-minded view you have. But, yes, there are many people that should not have children. However, some of us are actually good-hearted, caring, compassionate people that would make wonderful parents.


I agree



IcedOver said:


> It is a selfish urge whether you want to admit it or not. What do people say when they're considering kids? "I _WANT_ kids. I _WANT_ a boy and a girl. I _WANT_ x number of kids." That's selfishness. For most, having kids is about self-realization, the panning out of a plan for _their_ life. You need to resist these selfish urges as much as possible.


I get that, but again, I don't think that's where the people in this thread are coming from


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

I want, I want, I want... I want to _give_ life. I want to _give_ love. I want to devote my life to being the best father that a child could ever wish for. Yes, selfish, that's me - what a b*****d!


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

No maternal urges at all.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

markx said:


> I want, I want, I want... I want to _give_ life. I want to _give_ love. I want to devote my life to being the best father that a child could ever wish for. Yes, selfish, that's me - what a b*****d!


Really - you truly should be terribly ashamed of yourself ;-)


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Cleary said:


> No maternal urges at all.


Yep, same here. Not even an inkling.

Sweet thread, though.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Too bad there's no smiley for this:










Seriously, I have little stomach for sentimentality.

And no, no maternal urges here. I have entertained the possibility of adopting an older kid or foster parenting, but just maybe.



STKinTHEmud said:


> Sometimes I feel this way, but then I'll go to Target, stand in line at the cash registers and observe. I believe the lines at Target may be one of the deepest pits of hell.


Amen to that, I was recently in a Wal Mart (not by my own choice) and was in line for the register behind a cart with the loudest, nastiest brat I have come across so far. It was clear that the mom was just tuning the kid out.
I wished for one of those sleep blow dart guns.


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## knuckles17 (Jun 27, 2009)

im not sure why are embarrassed but i do the same lol well not think of names haha but i think about what it will be like


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


Speak for yourself.

I'll make for an awesome dad one of these days..


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

IcedOver said:


> It's not a closed-minded view; it's a realistic view. And, yes, I'm serious and I'm trying to inject a little reality into this discussion. Presenting an alternative viewpoint is trying to start trouble?!?
> 
> It is a selfish urge whether you want to admit it or not. What do people say when they're considering kids? "I _WANT_ kids. I _WANT_ a boy and a girl. I _WANT_ x number of kids." That's selfishness. For most, having kids is about self-realization, the panning out of a plan for _their_ life. You need to resist these selfish urges as much as possible.


Contrarian much?

Are you really in a position to pass judgement on people, or more specifically on the language they use in describing what they want to do with their lives?


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Witan said:


> So this is kind of embarrassing to ask, but are there any guys here who have "paternal urges"? You hear so much about girls and women having "maternal urges", but am I the only guy who has paternal urges? It seems like every time I see a baby or hear someone talk about their infant, my mind is like "oh psh, I'm jealous! :b". Hearing about dads who walk out on their children makes my blood boil. And just the other day, during some down time at work, I found myself thinking up names for my (potential) future children.
> 
> Are there any other guys who are this same way? :blush


I'm a lot like this, I have really strong paternal urges/desires. haha I even think of names I'd like if I had a kid. I really wish I had a nice girl and a kid. If I had a girlfriend and she got pregnant I'd be really happy about it. I know it's difficult to raise a kid and it's not all just fun and playing with them and cuteness etc. but I think it's something I'd love to do. I have the same sorta of fantasies as most guys but I also have these fantasies where it's you know my wife or girlfriend whatever and our kid and we're just like hanging out being a family having fun together. haha kinda lame I guess but I do think about that a lot.


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## El Sonador (Sep 25, 2009)

I feel the same, I have to find that special someone first.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

thats too cute! i love to see men acting sweet with children. a lot of times, means they have compassion and will be a good father  very good. nothing wrong with it at all. im 20, and many times when i see little kids i wish i had like 2-3 kids of my own


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i don't want to make any children of my own but i think there would be something cool about being there for a kid, being a role model or whatever. i hope i would be better at it than my parents.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I don't have any paternal desires. That's not to say that I don't like kids. I actually think that I could be a pretty good father.

I have romantic desires. I dream about being in love. If I ever get that lucky, kids are something that would naturally follow at some point, and that's great, but I don't long for it.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

It makes me warm and fuzzy inside when I read people saying that they don't have maternal/paternal urges. Jay Leno might not be funny anymore but I have to applaud him and his wife for agreeing not to bring another adult into this cluttered hellhole of a world. If more people would be that selfless, this world might be a better and happier place.

Whether or not you consider these urges natural, a human has the ability to resist biological urges. You're not an animal that has to procreate; you have a choice. A cuddly baby might stir something deep inside you, making you WANT that and feel jealous of others. But if you were to be shown in advance the crappy life your kid will lead and the misery he'll have and bring to others (including you) as he grows older, all as a result of your decision to put him into this world, you might take pause and not let your own wants and biology get the better of your judgment.

So many people don't even realize the awesome responsibility of putting another adult into this world; it's sickening. They don't even realize what they're doing. Getting pregnant has even become a game/pact among some kids. Boys will get their girlfriends pregnant just to keep them around. A 15-year-old schlepping around three kids will not use birth control, nor will a person living in a Third World country in a dilapidated tent with a single biscuit for their day's one meal. Some women get sexually aroused by the idea of being impregnated/pregnant. A woman in her forties or older who still feels she MUST HAVE her own kid (rather than adopt) will take fertility drugs and end up with three kids who will probably lose her relatively early in their lives (or she or they will die during labor due to pregnancy complications). People who have genetic diseases will still carelessly allow them to be passed on so their kids can suffer. Some feel they must do it because they'll be judged less of a person if they don't. And others probably feel they have to spawn just because they have functional reproductive organs.

Let me ask anyone who wants to answer -- if you believe you'd be such a good parent, want to give love, all that gooey stuff, and were able to conceive, would you consider the selfless route of adoption?


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

The responses to this thread are ridiculous. There's nothing inherently wrong with having children. Ya'll are acting like procreation is some horrendous evil. It's absurd.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

IcedOver said:


> And others probably feel they have to *spawn* just because they have functional reproductive organs.


:roll


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

He seems to assume that all children born today will suffer and be mistreated and are miserable the way (perhaps) he was/is. Maybe he doesn't see the wonderfully happy children that love their moms and dads and their moms and dads love them and they grow up to be very successful and happy and well-adjusted productive individuals. 

It is sad to have such a negative view. I was married 8 years to my first husband and though we had normal relations we never got pregnant and were under intense pressure to find 'other ways' to make a baby. We refused. Our take was that if God did not want us to have kids then he had a reason and we had complete Faith and Trust in that. When he died I rationalized that was why God did not send us a child.

When I married my second husband I naively believed that I could not get pregnant... we never even thought about it because I was 32 years old and had never gotten pregnant and never used birth control. He had two beautiful kids that I took on as my own... then in three months I found myself pregnant.

I never really imagined being a mom until that moment that I knew it was pregnant... but when I saw the picture on the screen of that life that was growing inside me... saw the little fingers and toes and the heart beating so strong, the eyes, and nose and the proof that he was a little boy - wow, that rocked my world.

Suddenly I knew I would do anything to protect that child and to never screw him up.... unfortunately my husband could not take the pressure of life and began to drink and eventually turned to drugs and then crime and then became abusive... the day my son was aware of this at 2 years old was the day I separated and divorced my husband... he was sentenced to 15 years in jail very soon after that. 

Since then my son and I have been a team, he's had every bit of love and support he has needed, he's had loving family and has friends and is smart and funny and is the absolute best of his father and I. So no, having my son was not selfish, and yes, had my first husband lived we would have adopted a child - maybe two.

So I think that there are some people out there that are extremely selfish in their reasons for having children and I think there are others that suffer from not being able to have kids... and it is true that not enough people who are capable and childless consider adoption - oftentimes for vanity or selfish reasons... but it isn't fair to judge all people that have kids by the same rule that you seem to have set for all of humanity.

I absolutely love and respect you men out there who are brave and honest and true enough to yourselves to post here about your love for kids, your desire to be good fathers and your dreams of one day being dads... and to all of you who are dads... God Bless You. We only have one chance to not screw up our kids... it is a huge task and thank goodness for the human race we all keep trying.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

As many threads as we get about guys wanting to get laid, there must be some paternal urges happening! :b


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

Anyone feeling the urge I have the cure. One is 9 and the other just turned 13 
You'll have a vasectomy scheduled by the end of the week.

Im just kidding. My kids are so well behaved you might get a false sense that all kids are like them :twak


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## Smitten (Oct 30, 2006)

IcedOver said:


> Let me ask anyone who wants to answer -- if you believe you'd be such a good parent, want to give love, all that gooey stuff, and were able to conceive, would you consider the selfless route of adoption?


I wouldn't mind adopting an orphan if I was in the position (i.e. decent job, a house, emotionally capable). From a young age I imagined that's the route i would take. I don't think it's all that straight forward to do though.


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## Hank Scorpio (Oct 28, 2008)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


:yes Condemning an innocent child to life is cruel and unnecessary.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

IcedOver said:


> It makes me warm and fuzzy inside when I read people saying that they don't have maternal/paternal urges. Jay Leno might not be funny anymore but I have to applaud him and his wife for agreeing not to bring another adult into this cluttered hellhole of a world. If more people would be that selfless, this world might be a better and happier place.
> 
> Whether or not you consider these urges natural, a human has the ability to resist biological urges. You're not an animal that has to procreate; you have a choice. A cuddly baby might stir something deep inside you, making you WANT that and feel jealous of others. But if you were to be shown in advance the crappy life your kid will lead and the misery he'll have and bring to others (including you) as he grows older, all as a result of your decision to put him into this world, you might take pause and not let your own wants and biology get the better of your judgment.
> 
> ...


And you could have resisted the urge to pontificate, or at least resisted the urge to use the larger font.

You and Jay make a formidable team, but I think I can figure this one out for myself.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

SickPuppy said:


> I agree, this is so ridiculous I can't find words. This is the 2nd thread with a rant like this.
> 
> Have we run out of things to complain about? Are we bored with "save the whales"? Is there nothing else we can think of to do with our time?


Any why the sudden disdian for differing opinions that don't agree with yours?


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

SilentLoner said:


> Any why the sudden disdian for differing opinions that don't agree with yours?


And you have never in your life had disdain for what was, in your opinion, a ridiculously-off the wall-insane opinion? I don't believe that for one second.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

SilentLoner said:


> Any why the sudden disdian for differing opinions that don't agree with yours?


I can't speak for SickPuppy, but isn't your contribution to this thread an objection to it? Pot meet kettle?

For my part, I don't really care that some people choose to drop in with differing opinions, but with reference to IcedOver's point, I don't need to be preached at. As I recall, your earlier post didn't preach so much as decry the sentimentality of the thread. That seems valid, except that paternal or maternal feelings are warm fuzzies, by definition. You're claiming that a thread about sentimentality ought to be less sentimental? That point, and IcedOver's rant, are tired and self righteous.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

ooooOOOoooooo!!


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> so so shy--Be aware that you should leave out the name calling. This is my opinion and I feel very strongly about it.


Yeah and i feel very strongly about my opinion of your opinion.
If everybody thought like you, humans wouldn't exist. That is insane. If a mod thinks i am out of line, then its up to them to tell me, not you.

Not everybody is as miserable as you are(or at least seem to be), most people think of their lives as a gift.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Watch****
First of all, kudos to Jay Leno (I don't watch him either) for not having kids. His kids could have his chin! :duck

Second....now now, guys. My next move is infraction-issuing for conflicts! You can say you are against having kids or for kids, but going after it so strongly like this is a bit much. There was no name-calling, but it is blowing up fast. Chill out!

I want children, but going to lengths of having fertility drugs is not what I am after. I would do it the natural way before it's too late.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

andy1984 said:


> i don't want to make any children of my own but i think there would be something cool about being there for a kid, being a role model or whatever. i hope i would be better at it than my parents.


This is what I would like. I used to do quite a lot of tutoring and got on well with that. I have never wanted children of my own and would not create a human by choice, particularly in this world.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Atticus said:


> I can't speak for SickPuppy, but isn't your contribution to this thread an objection to it? Pot meet kettle?
> 
> For my part, I don't really care that some people choose to drop in with differing opinions, but with reference to IcedOver's point, I don't need to be preached at. As I recall, your earlier post didn't preach so much as decry the sentimentality of the thread. That seems valid, except that paternal or maternal feelings are warm fuzzies, by definition. You're claiming that a thread about sentimentality ought to be less sentimental? That point, and IcedOver's rant, are tired and self righteous.


And where exactly did I specifically point someone out? I stated my opinion, left it at that and didn't make fun of people who thought otherwise.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Amocholes said:


> As many threads as we get about guys wanting to get laid, there must be some paternal urges happening! :b


Absolutely not. Thanks to birth control, having sex and procreating can be two different things.

Good choice, odd_one_out.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

SilentLoner said:


> And where exactly did I specifically point someone out? I stated my opinion, left it at that and didn't make fun of people who thought otherwise.


I didn't say that you pointed anyone out. I thought you commented on the thread in general when you said that the sentimentality in it made you sick. That's how I read the "little brown barf bag" entry.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> ****Thread Lock Watch****
> First of all, kudos to Jay Leno (I don't watch him either) for not having kids. His kids could have his chin! :duck
> 
> Second....now now, guys. My next move is infraction-issuing for conflicts! You can say you are against having kids or for kids, but going after it so strongly like this is a bit much. There was no name-calling, but it is blowing up fast. Chill out!
> ...


I have zero issues with the guy not wanting kids. But him speaking for others saying they should be just like him and not want kids either or else they are selfish selfish people is just plain wrong. That is very insulting to those of us who are content in this world and want to share it with our children.


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

-backs away slowly-


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Atticus said:


> I didn't say that you pointed anyone out. I thought you commented on the thread in general when you said that the sentimentality in it made you sick. That's how I read the "little brown barf bag" entry.


I'll admit that was related to my mood when I posted it (I still have little tolerance for sentimentalism). But to each their own.

*heads off to join Cleary*


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## Doc Rice (Dec 28, 2009)

It would make sense to have maternal/paternal urges, I think. It kind of seems like a evolutionary concept, only I don't know if there is a technical term for it. :sus


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Doc Rice said:


> It would make sense to have maternal/paternal urges, I think. It kind of seems like a evolutionary concept, only I don't know if there is a technical term for it. :sus


You'd be hard pressed to find any evidence this is true in terms of a biological / natural desire for children. No other species of animal needs a desire for offspring as the sex drive is adequate to produce offspring.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> You'd be hard pressed to find any evidence this is true in terms of a biological / natural desire for children. No other species of animal needs a desire for offspring as the sex drive is adequate to produce offspring.


 Produce yes, raise not so much.


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## Doc Rice (Dec 28, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> You'd be hard pressed to find any evidence this is true in terms of a biological / natural desire for children. No other species of animal needs a desire for offspring as the sex drive is adequate to produce offspring.


Yes, that makes sense. But there almost seems like there has to be some biological explanation to this, since it is very common, especially amongst women.

Or, maybe, it has nothing to do with biology at all. :b Maybe it's more of a learned feeling that has attached itself to people who are exposed to this in society. Everyone is talking about having a kid, and you'd like to have one to!


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## WalkingOnEggShells (Mar 17, 2010)

I wanna have a son and argue with him about why Digimon is better than Pokemon, have video game contests with him, talk to him about women, and start being the "stern, bossy, mean" dad early in his early childhood so that he won't walk over me/disobey me when I eventually let the "goofy, well-intentioned" dad come out (like, acting totally disinterested or aloof to video games/his cartoons at first, and then one day "letting" him walk in on me playing/watching those same ones at nighttime when I "thought he was at school" or something, acting shocked and being like "uhhh.... don't tell Mommy, okay?"), and stuff like that.


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## meowgirl (Aug 24, 2009)

WalkingOnEggShells said:


> I wanna have a son and argue with him about why Digimon is better than Pokemon, have video game contests with him, talk to him about women, and start being the "stern, bossy, mean" dad early in his early childhood so that he won't walk over me/disobey me when I eventually let the "goofy, well-intentioned" dad come out (like, acting totally disinterested or aloof to video games/his cartoons at first, and then one day "letting" him walk in on me playing/watching those same ones at nighttime when I "thought he was at school" or something, acting shocked and being like "uhhh.... don't tell Mommy, okay?"), and stuff like that.


rofl


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Well I cant be bothered reading where this thread was going but my feelings on wanting children. 

I cant wait to have kids, to be a father and everything which comes with it. In reality it is something I can wait for because I want to be in a loving relationship with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am at the begining age of when I said I would like kids, well 25 but I am not ready. So say next 5 years I will begin. Kids are a beautiful gift and being a father is something which I really look forward to. I dont mind if I have a boy or a girl. To me the whole thing is very exciting. I use to work with kids in a video arcade and loved it, did it for 5 years and hosted a lot of parties and played very poorly at air hockey. I perfected the nick the puck and hit it into your own goal :lol They were fun days. 

That is me and my feelings on the matter.  Kids are great and I want to be a parent


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


Hmmm..don't compare children with material things like a car. Lol


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Any desire to have children right now is completely over-ridden by the the practical side of me. I can support myself right now and continue to build my career, live where I want, travel if I want, and go out when I want. That would all immediately stop, and I would likely have to find a 9-6 job with family benefits and leave my career behind, and move out of LA.

There's too many things I want to do, and I've invested many years in my career. I like my freedom. I guess I'm in the right place, as people in their 30's here seem to rarely have kids, but the dog parks are full.


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## Dipper (Jul 15, 2007)

odd_one_out said:


> This is what I would like. I used to do quite a lot of tutoring and got on well with that. I have never wanted children of my own and would not create a human by choice, particularly in this world.


Good to see someone with the same thoughts. Kids aren't toys and I'd rather not purposely bring a life into this world just because I wanted one. Maybe if I could guarantee them an awesome life. But I can't make that guarantee. I don't really know why people want children so bad. It's selfish and this world sucks ***.



IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


Didn't see this post before. *bows* I agree 100%. This is a viewpoint that not many people take into account, and I'm not sure why your post has met so much venom, but it's a very logical argument.

To those who disagree with this post and say that having children is NOT selfish and isn't totally about what you want, then what reasons would YOU have children for?

Oh and this is just for debate. I don't hold the belief that people who decide to have kids for whatever reasons are horrible people, and I don't think that others should hold my beliefs. Let's just get that out of the way. I don't want to get the thread locked since it's an interesting discussion.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Dipper said:


> Good to see someone with the same thoughts. Kids aren't toys and I'd rather not purposely bring a life into this world just because I wanted one. Maybe if I could guarantee them an awesome life. But I can't make that guarantee. I don't really know why people want children so bad. It's selfish and this world sucks ***.
> 
> Didn't see this post before. *bows* I agree 100%. This is a viewpoint that not many people take into account, and I'm not sure why your post has met so much venom, but it's a very logical argument.
> 
> To those who disagree with this post and say that having children is NOT selfish and isn't totally about what you want, then what reasons would YOU have children for?


Because, despite the struggles I have, oftentimes I find life pretty amazing. I can't think of something more gratifying than sharing this experience.

Now if someone believes the world and all the people in it are awful and terrible, then my sentiment will make no sense.

Dipper, I'm not sure if your opinion regarding kids is based on a bleak world view, but your assumption that the motivation to have kids is always a selfish one is cynical, at best.


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## GSYBE (Mar 15, 2010)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


You said exactly what I was thinking but with far more eloquence and exactitude than I possibly could. If there were only more people like you in the world...

Amen, amen, AMEN!


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

GSYBE said:


> If there were only more people like you in the world...


:lol


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^well spotted!


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

Thanks.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I smiled too, markx


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

Yup.


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## problematic (Oct 15, 2008)

IcedOver said:


> You need to fight these urges very ardently and women need to do the same. The urge to have children is a selfish urge, the same as seeing a neighbor's shiny new car and wishing you had the same thing. It's all "I want, I WANT!!!" In my view, the majority of people who want kids don't _truly_ give much thought to the welfare of those kids or the possibility that they'll grow up to be unhappy people. They just don't want to go through life without having "done that". They want to keep up with their friends and with societal expectations. But spawning children isn't the same as getting a nice new car. This is a human life you're meddling with. It shows greater respect for humanity not to have children, or at the very least to adopt an unwanted child rather than littering this world with more people. The world is overcrowded as it is and to add to that problem just to fulfill a personal wish is a terrible thing. This kind of selfishness makes _my_ blood boil.


Apt user name.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Everyone has an opinion. I may not agree but theirs is just as valid as mine or yours.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^ no it isn't. (just my opinion)


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I will change that to intitled because I agree that there point may not exactly be valid. 
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Better?


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

no. worse.

(hahaha I like baiting. it's fun!)


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

We may both be here for the same reason right now :wink


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Dir Sir or Madam, 

you may be right at that. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. As long as it is the same as mine.


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## Squizzy (Dec 21, 2004)

I am glad men have paternal urges, it's cute, but for me right now I have never really liked kids. I don't want them either, it would feel like I'm just being tied down. I want to travel and do all kinds of things in my life and not be held back by childcare issues. Some women don't really like children


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

markx said:


> I imagine what it would be like to hear a SO say, "I'm pregnant"


Yeah, this one especially :boogie

Also, sorry for bumping a zombie thread


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## Flonkas (Dec 29, 2010)

I have small paternal urges. I have previously thought of a few names as well. Do I plan on having kids? Probably not, but might as well be prepared.


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

Mega bump lol

Yeah I get those "urges" and all it takes is a few minutes into a weekend with my sister and little cousin for those thoughts to go out the window. I love them but kids are a pain :lol I think if more people knew all the work that actually goes into raising them little crumb snatchers :teeth, the longer people would wait to have them, or not have them at all. You hear about all those happy joyful moments, but never about the 3am bottle feedings, the crying, the diaper changing, the school projects, potty training, homework assignments, teacher conferences, temper tantrums, etc.

College Football, College Basketball, NBA, Barclay's Premier League, NFL season, might as well kiss them all goodbye. Instead you get to spend your Saturdays and Sundays on the floor playing with Barbie Dolls shopping for clothes, and coloring poster boards. Just got done helping my sister with her science project this weekend lol

Kids are bundles of joy and can understand why some would want a family of their own, but I would rather not have any despite what societal pressures or any "urges" might say.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

Yeah I thought of some names for kids too.
Thought ever person did stuff like that.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I've always dreamed of having a little girl named Victoria and I got her =) I want a son too but I don't have any ideas on the name, maybe the mother will have a good one.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Theologic said:


> I've always dreamed of having a little girl named Victoria and I got her =)


Congrats!


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

I do


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I have always wanted to have a daughter. I really envy fathers who have good relationships with their daugters. 

But I would be happy if I had a son too, I'm just not good at "guy" stuff and I'm really worried I would mess him up, but I would try my best. 

I have even looked into adopting, but it is extremly hard for a single male to adopt.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I have paternal urges, but I think I was born into the wrong species. I'm not really into human kids but I love animals and I like to take care of them and protect them. I also feel that loving and protective urge towards adult human females. And I feel the need to look out for people in general if there is potential danger. Even though I'm not really a fan of kids (at least at this point in my life), I admit I have had certain moments where I daydreamed about taking care of kids. I think I might like kids if they were my own. If I had a woman I loved and we had kids, I would welcome it. It's hard to explain why.

At the moment all I have is a houseplant. :rain


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