# How i'm beating anxiety



## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

I'll start with background. Up until about 3 months ago i couldn't leave my room without fear of running into my roommates and having to start a social situation. I dreaded going to class and having to speak to classmates so i'd try and leave my house so late as to arrive just on time for class to begin. I started cutting off contact with all friends and ignored calls because i didn't think i'd have anything to say or i'd say something that would ruin our friendship; a sign of me placing too much value on every given interaction. Every night i'd sit on my bed and catastrophize while staring at the ceiling so long that hours would go by without me noticing and at some point i'd have to stop due to hunger (which meant leaving my room...). Some days i couldn't get any work done whatsoever and just sat in my bed trying to calm my thoughts, it was very distressing. I've had that condition for three years now, but only recently did it get much worse because my classes are beginning to get difficult: I'm a junior in college which is the hardest year for us mechanical engineers.

The first step was admitting to myself that i had to start medication. That was the hardest part as i've been anti-medication my entire life and people in my family know how outspoken i am against it. So i never wanted to do medication due to my own opinion and too much pride of having to go through telling people that i'd broken. At this point i've been on 300 mg of Wellbutrin and 75mg of luvox a day. This medication doesn't actually quell all the negative thoughts in my head, but it allowed me to get to class and focus well enough to pass my midterms and that was a success.

It was then my turn to put in the effort that i couldn't while off the medication. Off the meds i could never focus on positivity or work on bettering myself because the anxiety was so debilitating that it gave me no control over thoughts. Now i have a fighting chance. What i've been doing is hard, but simple. There are triggers of my anxiety that cause the automatic thoughts to manifest in my head. For example if i'm speaking to someone and their face twitches or they yawn i tell myself "i'm making them uncomfortable" or "i'm boring them" which cause a physical response such as sweaty palms or twitchy legs, which causes a spiral of anxiety due to my own anxiety, it's terrible. So what i've been doing is focusing on *one* of my triggers (instead of trying to focus on them all at once while off the medication, which was not working) and changing the thought when it happens to something more rational such as "there's no way i could read their mind and they're still talking to me so i must be doing something right." After having focused on one trigger such as face twitching for 21 days the thoughts become more automatic and i don't have to struggle at noticing the situation any longer.

My program has been a success so far and i've corrected two deep seeded thoughts. Now i can say in confidence that "i'm not different from other people, we all have struggles" whereas it used to be "i'm different and my life is much harder than everyone else's." and two "they must be getting anxious, bored, or uncomfortable" to "i can't read their mind and not every second has to be a ray of sunshine," basically. The process is long and hard, but soon i'll move on to another trigger and then another and then another until i've corrected myself and can come off the medication. I know there are many troubling situations that have rooted these permanent negative judgments in my mind, but they're not so permanent now. All they are is *a habit that needs to be broken *. I choose 21 days because scientific studies have shown that habits can be built and broken after 21 days of iteration and forcing and they are a difficult 21 days. However, *focusing on one trigger* makes this method effective because* i don't have to try and correct myself all at once*.

I recommend this method to anyone as i think it will provide a full-scale recover from anxiety and then allow me to go even further into developing confidence. More updates will follow, but i'm telling you that this has been working and i don't know how far i can take it, it seems full proof.

Again it's difficult to follow your thoughts and target the automatic thoughts and triggers, but they are there. You need to work on them one at a time and keep a journal of all the thoughts you've corrected. It will help you push forward as you see the improvement on the paper and in your life.


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

Today i started to reconnect with my friends. Or rather, connecting with them for the first time. It was strange laughing with them, making eye contact, joking, all things i struggled to do for years up until now (without the use of marijuana [and sometimes with]). This past week i'm starting tho experience the real benefits of this work i've put in and it's gratifying, exciting, and scary. I don't know how things are going to turn out. I feel better, though. Along with seeing my friends and making a delicious dinner with one of them i've gotten back to the gym again, except now i go for the sake of a long term goal of starting a hobby. I'm not sure what it will end up being, but breakdancing is where i've wanted to start for a long time. My goal is to get flares down and work around that. Yes, you may say it's starting from the tail end of the talent, but it looks sick and... it's a goal. Haven't had one of those that i wanted to achieve for a while besides getting over anxiety and getting a job; It's nice.

But on to the meat. I'm staying consistent with correcting this thought that i can read minds at times and honestly say to myself that i think i know what another person wants to say, but isn't. It's a terrible habit that supplements other bad qualities. Once a form the thought, i generate an opinion about that person, judge them, get quiet, start picking at my nails, get anxious because i'm picking at my nails, think that the person is judging me because i'm picking my nails: it's a nasty cycle. Nailing it at the root has improved my socio-skills. I can make jokes with store clerks. Today i was walking in the gym and without thinking about it ahead of time i told the desk worker "mind kicking 100 people out of here?" it got a nice, relaxed laugh and jumpstarted my workout. This has been an interesting paradigm shift and i hope to do more when i feel that i've absorbed this skill at an unconscious level. When i can honestly tell myself "i'm ready" i have another belief to correct: I'm always catastrophizing. This means i'll be sitting in class enjoying the work and then i'll start a tangent in my head, let's set the scene. "Going to the bar saturday, good times, yaaaaaaa. Oh, i'll talk to her. *makes small talk* *doesn't know what to say* *regress to former self in front of everybody* *go home and start at the ceiling* No one loves me" It's pretty pessimistic i know and i can be extremely creative with these things without trying. I wish i could channel it into something positive and i think i could make millions, but more on that another time. I need to be aware of this thought process and nip it immediately, bringing myself to the present. Yes i'll feel safer predicting situations, but i may be completely wrong and then i'll be even more anxious than before. It's a (as i've said before) habit that needs to be broken. It will also take weeks until i feel confident to transfer to a different belief. That's the plan though.

Glad i can share my experience with all of you. I hope some of you may try this. I don't guarantee it will work, nothing in life is 100%. I do think it's worth a shot because i'm seeing real-time progress. There are always these stories on here that i don't believe are true because i feel everyone relapses and i may too. This is the best i've ever come to reaching my goals though. I've got momentum.

*Please ask my anything about my automatic thoughts, habits, past, etc... I'm willing to get intimate so i can maybe relate to whomever and possibly help. It's important to be brutally honest when these topics arise. I can't stress that enough.*


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## LifesAClimb (Mar 30, 2014)

Great story ... It gives me a bit of hope  my downfall is constantly obsessing over blushing .. And I do most of the time haha any tips for that


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

Well maybe your issue isn't the blushing per se. Why do you blush when you do? What are unique stimuli that cause you to? I believe if you focus on one particular situation than you could conquer it piece by piece. For example, if you blushed when receiving a compliment you could focus on conquering that one specific event instead of taking on the whole habit at once. You'll have something (a mantra) ready to whisper yourself when the time is right. "Someone complimented me and i don't have to be modest. I can react however i want." That's how i would tackle the situation if i'm reading it right.


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## LifesAClimb (Mar 30, 2014)

Well just been in a social situation I guess I feel like the attention is on me if you get me like I avoid going to certain places in case the attention is on me and I go red and people point it out :/ silly believe me I know but I can't control it  think it's more of a fear of going red at this stage but I have to say your very good at advice and you put a smile on my face just thinking of trying your idea ... Thank you


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

Thanks. i think you can conquer it because you've identified the response and the stimuli. Now you're tweaking your solutions. It's a matter of time until you stumble on a technique that works for you. I stress the "that works for you" part. I do think everyones anxiety is unique in it's background and needs unique treatment. The feeling is the same though. I'll give advice however i can to help.


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## LifesAClimb (Mar 30, 2014)

https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/blushing-social-anxiety the end of this seems like a pretty much a good idea am gonna give that a try  fingers crossed to a blushing free life *except moments where I actually feel embarrassed * I've a party tonight but I don't worry about them things cause of the loud music and dimmed lights make me feel relaxed if you get me


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

We all have different anxieties so coming from my side, the side that doesn't see a problem with blushing, i've seen people stare down at their feet when receiving compliments. I've seen people who reject compliments which might be a form of blushing. But i never judged anyone on blushing. It's something that just doesn't occur to me as a bad trait. If anything i see that someone really really enjoyed what was said, but doesn't know how to reply back and it's totally cool. I understand. Most people are empathetic and won't judge you based on that and if they do that person probably has a similar problem


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## Purpley (Jan 25, 2010)

Thank you so much for this. I've somehow only recently fully realized how much my ingrained negative thinking has limited my life for so long. It's something I want to change and it's inspiring to see how someone else has gone about it, and that it seems to be working out really well. 

I've kind of been in the reflection step of the process. It's shocking when you take the time to really shine the light on all the negativity that has crept in and become second nature. When did we learn to beat ourselves up so harshly? How did we convince ourselves that we aren't allowed to make mistakes, and to always expect the worst? For me in particular, I've been wondering how I can purport to be a compassionate, understanding person when I can't even be the same way towards myself. Logically I know messing up in a social interaction should not be an indication of my worth as a person, but when it comes down to the situation the illogical, insecure beliefs come pouring in, leaving the 'reality' of the situation all but forgotten.

Like you, I've also been thinking medication may be something I need to help in my efforts, even though I had always hoped I wouldn't need to go down that road. Although, I'm not sure anxiety is something that will ever go completely away -- or that it will ever necessarily go down to "normal" levels. But by changing my thinking I'm hoping I can at least be able to cope with it better, and turn it into something more positive -- excitement and good anticipation rather than dread or fear. 

Anyhow, thanks for the inspiration. I like your approach for tackling automatic thoughts one at a time and will give it a shot. Hope to hear more from how it continues to go for you.


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

I'm happy to see that i've inspired some people to take on their on anxiety in my fashion. I want to really emphasize something though. If you're going to give it a shot then you NEED to STAY CONSISTENT with a SINGLE issue for NO LESS THAN THREE WEEKS. At some points you're going to feel like you've overcome the need to do this during that period or perhaps you'll think your efforts are for nothing. STAYING ON COURSE IS CRUCIAL though. We're building habits, this is science: science has demands. We're restructuring our brain and our brain believe it or not is the enemy in this process. It wants to remain in habits it's become adjusted to. It's learned how to efficiently deal with the problems that we face on a daily basis with a method we developed over (perhaps) years of ingraining. This is why the mind will try and trick you into thinking your task is complete or ineffective during the process. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. That is what separates this technique from the most i presume; it takes a HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME but is EXPONENTIALLY BENEFICIAL. 

These is something that most be said with this. During the process you may find that some issues are solved that you hadn't planned for. I call these the unknown unknowns. They're additional benefits that occur due to the restructuring, but they also pose a threat. You may want to transition over to perfecting these new habits supplementary to your main focus. Remember, the brain works best when it focuses on one objective. Adding additional ones may throw you off track. I recommend finishing up your goal, but writing these down so they may be adjusted later. Taking time out of your day to reflect on these changes can help you too. It's easier to come to understandings with yourself when you can sit somewhere without the television blaring neon garbage at your face for a little or a video game where there is constant stimulus. Learning to turn off has sped up the process for me i believe: It's a catalyst. I don't want to sound like some guru or monk that came down from the himalayan mountains to critique your lifestyle, but we're cleansing ourselves. Putting in the right effort is crucial because there is already so much going on in our heads. Any wasted energy hold us back. If you do choose this route i'd be happy to give more advice if you ask me or post here. PLEASE BE SPECIFIC! SPECIFICS ARE KEY!


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## XJbrandon (Mar 27, 2014)

Congrats! That is a nice strategy! I've also found that whenever you feel anxious, (and we worry about people noticing this and judging us for it, we usually try to get rid of it as quick as possible. Which ends up making it worse. I've found what helps me is to accept the anxiety at the moment and not respond to it, don't panic, don't fight it, don't get aggressive with it. Notice it, accept its there, but don't respond further, don't try to get rid of it quickly. Anxiety likes it when you fight back, because then it has you trapped. You can't fight a negative emotion with another negative emotion, you just fall into a vicious cycle that's very tough to break out of. I heard something that actually makes a lot of sense: Anxiety is a lot like one of those Chinese finger traps, where you stick two fingers in both ends, and if you struggle to get out and get aggressive, and pull hard and try to get out quick, you are trapped. But if you slow down and take your time and calm down, you can slip right through. If you don't respond negatively to the anxiety, you can slip right through undetected. I have to give the author credit where its due: I learned this from Sean Cooper's "The shyness and social anxiety system" e-book. Best of luck to you!


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## arishorts (Aug 8, 2013)

XJbrandon said:


> Congrats! That is a nice strategy! I've also found that whenever you feel anxious, (and we worry about people noticing this and judging us for it, we usually try to get rid of it as quick as possible. Which ends up making it worse. I've found what helps me is to accept the anxiety at the moment and not respond to it, don't panic, don't fight it, don't get aggressive with it. Notice it, accept its there, but don't respond further, don't try to get rid of it quickly. Anxiety likes it when you fight back, because then it has you trapped. You can't fight a negative emotion with another negative emotion, you just fall into a vicious cycle that's very tough to break out of. I heard something that actually makes a lot of sense: Anxiety is a lot like one of those Chinese finger traps, where you stick two fingers in both ends, and if you struggle to get out and get aggressive, and pull hard and try to get out quick, you are trapped. But if you slow down and take your time and calm down, you can slip right through. If you don't respond negatively to the anxiety, you can slip right through undetected. I have to give the author credit where its due: I learned this from Sean Cooper's "The shyness and social anxiety system" e-book. Best of luck to you!


That is a great analogy XJbrandon. I have also come across this on my journey. Not so much from a book, but a friend of mine. He said he was struggling through some tough times when he first moved to the city, the worst he'd ever faced. Instead of trying to get work done and pushing really hard through the worry and fighting it, he sat in his room for 3 days; stared up at the ceiling and thought. Didn't leave his house, but i'm guessing he did for the occasional walk and perhaps food, but nothing strenuous. By the time the three days were up he felt like his old self again, like nothing had changed. He went on about his life and didn't complain about it again. Ever since hearing that i've done what you suggested: Letting it flow over, like water. It's not something we can fight. Fighting doesn't solve many problems. Like tai chi masters we must use the flow of energy. I've been watching too many pushing hands videos lately 





 



(the second video is a real time demonstration)

Back on topic... fighting it only makes it worse.


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