# Being Shallow vs. Wanting A Partner You're Physically Attracted To



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

There's a lot of talk on these forums about people, admittedly mostly guys but some girls too, talking about how they want a cute/handsome/pretty boyfriend or girlfriend. (Bear with me, cause this post is kind of long.)

I've seen a lot of the guys being called shallow especially if they are self professed "ugly guys" for wanting an attractive or pretty girl because they ignore the unattractive females. And though it is more rare on the forums, I've seen some self proclaimed "ugly girls" say they want a cute or handsome guy as well.

So what determines if a person is "shallow" or just wanting to find a partner they are physically attracted to- which is what pretty much everyone (male or female) wants? 

Does how attractive that person is make a difference in relation to how attractive a partner they want? Does wanting to date "out of your league" mean you are shallow?


----------



## Cenarius (Aug 2, 2014)

You have to be attracted to the person to date them, but you can also be more attracted to some people then others, despite being attracted to both. Think about a bunch of girls you know and rank them in attractiveness. You can do it right? You know which girls are hotter than which. And somewhere on that list, is the cutoff girl, where girls less attractive than her you aren't attracted to.

I think you're shallow when you require a girl who is more attractive than that cutoff girl. Nothing wrong with wanting someone attractive. But a bit of wrong when you set an artificial floor on attractiveness.


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I'm not sure about shallow but it's irritating when people expect other people to accommodate the massive flaws in them when they'd castigate others for equal or lesser flaws. Like, "yeah I don't leave my house, have a hump, and believe turnips are out to get me, but look at that disgusting weirdo dork with the nose ring". It screams hypocrisy and while some hypocrisy can be overlooked, such blatant forms of it are off-putting and give off a stench of underserved entitlement/superiority complex/not being in touch with reality.

Plus it's just annoying to watch people consistently reduce others' worth to just their appearance. Yeah, we all appreciate the hot, but it shouldn't cloud out the humanity of people around us.


----------



## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

I think everyone wants to **** a hot person at least once.

Women just have to accept it's only fun for that night, and they get into the hot guy party.

Men who aren't beautiful or super charming/talented at something that impresses women have to pay for such an experience usually.

I don't think it's shallow to want what we find attractive. It is shallow to be obsessed with looks to the exclusion of all else. The girl I have a crush on currently is pretty faced with a great body, but beyond that she has a bright mind and is fun to talk to. I can talk to her for hours and not get bored. I'm attracted to all of her, not just the outside.


----------



## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> I think everyone wants to **** a hot person at least once.


No.


----------



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I'm aware we have fantasies of wanting to bang someone we think is hot...Yes, I use the word bang but lets face it, a lot of good looking people let their looks get to them which makes them have a ****ty personality. Not saying it's hard to find a hot person with an awesome personality. Also, it's hard for me to actually get sex since the people who hit on me are unattractive. I can get sex if I lower my standards but I will never do that. I'd rather be alone.


----------



## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

nothing's wrong with wanting a good looking partner but when you're crying because you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend and what you want is clearly out of your league, don't cry if people call you shallow.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I've been called shallow before on this forum a few times since I've been here. Sometimes directly accused, other times indirectly. If I'm shallow there is nothing I can do about it it seems. I can't trick my brain into being attracted to someone I'm not attracted to, much as that would be a useful trick.

I think the whole league thing is ridiculous though. If it's shallow, it's shallow. Why should one person be let off for having certain preferences just because other people find them attractive? It's either universally shallow or it isn't.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

When someone on this site says they're attracted to, or not attracted to a certain physical trait, someone on the forum who doesn't match that person's ideal will often speak up and insinuate that that person is shallow. I've seen it happen quite often.

Most people want to be in a relationship with someone they find attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that. Just because someone doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean that they're shallow.


----------



## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

diamondheart89 said:


> I'm not sure about shallow but it's irritating when people expect other people to accommodate the massive flaws in them when they'd castigate others for equal or lesser flaws. Like, "yeah I don't leave my house, have a hump, and believe turnips are out to get me, but look at that disgusting weirdo dork with the nose ring". It screams hypocrisy...


There's a pretty horrible proverb that _"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."_

The reason it's a pretty poor proverb is that it implicitly states who are allowed to throw stones.
It's not the hypocrisy that offends me when people are incredibly picky, it's the disinterest or even scorn people are met with if they don't live up to those high standards.
There are quite a few on this site whose primary care seems to be their own appearance, and who are afraid that when they do get into a relationship, their partner will just find somebody better looking. When it's suggested they find somebody to whom appearance isn't that big a deal and where other things are more important, they reject it and say that they are a 9 themselves, so they will not go any lower than that.

It's ok to have things you like and it's ok to have things that you don't like.
There are some patterns that unfortunately mean some people will have a much harder time finding somebody interested in them - some never will at all - but that's hard prevent completely.
What we can and should do though, is try to be open to as many people as possible. And we have to be mindful of what criteria we reject people on, as those send a message of value judgement to that person and to our surroundings.

Some people have a relatively easy time finding others who are interested in them and end up getting spoiled. If people can get away with being picky, they often will, even if it's unreasonably so.
But the entitlement that popularity can breed is no better than entitlement from hypocrisy.
It's entitlement in itself that's ugly.


----------



## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

nature / the law of attraction


----------



## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

The difference between the two is whether or not *you are honest. *

I made a thread a while back about dating an overweight/fat/obese girl where you would bound with her emotionally then help her lose weight so you would achieve both emotional attraction and physical attraction. Needless to say plenty of spineless maginas just went with "shallow" (although, the more reasonable men gave it a thought :wink).

The irony of these manginas is that for all of their talk of "duuude shallow as hell", they on their own lives, proceeded to keep ignoring overweight girls and treating them like 0s (compared to big bad me proposing men to consider overweight girls instead of ignoring them like most men institutionally do).

The difference between me and these manginas was the honesty. A mangina will go ahead and tell a physically unattractive girl that he believes "is the inside that counts" while ignoring her and keeping her in the dark as to why guys "love her personality but don't click with her". I on the other hand I'm willing to acknowledge most men don't find body obesity attractive but that doesn't mean is not possible to give these girls a chance. Again, *honesty is the difference *


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

extremly said:


> I made a thread a while back about dating an overweight/fat/obese girl where you would bound with her emotionally then help her lose weight so you would achieve both emotional attraction and physical attraction.


So you actually tried that out? How did that go? For some reason I can't imagine overweight girls being thrilled about that plan lol.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

extremly said:


> The difference between the two is whether or not *you are honest. *
> 
> I made a thread a while back about dating an overweight/fat/obese girl where you would bound with her emotionally then help her lose weight so you would achieve both emotional attraction and physical attraction. Needless to say plenty of spineless maginas just went with "shallow" (although, the more reasonable men gave it a thought :wink).
> 
> ...


You sure do have some opinions.


----------



## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> So you actually tried that out? How did that go? For some reason I can't imagine overweight girls being thrilled about that plan lol.


I have had a couple of opportunities to try this out but no (not yet atleast lol). But I seen these scenarios play out in real life a bunch of times. Really, outside of SAS this happens naturally a lot more often than people give credit to.


----------



## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

I think this obsession is just another one of those things that crops up in young people with no experience or people who aren't looking for serious relationships. Maybe it's my background, but I can't imagine any other answer to it. Assuming you're capable of going out and enjoying a date at all, it's not at all difficult for (mature) people to strike a balance and find someone who suits their tastes.

My entire family is average or somewhat good-looking people married to the same, and no one's exactly miserable that they didn't "bag a hottie." Both my parents remarried after a few years apart in their late 40's or early 50's to people who suited them better. The only ones who've had any trouble are the ones who struggled with anxiety or isolation - my brother and myself.

Assuming there isn't something preventing normal dating like a disfigurement, shyness, trouble connecting to others, etc, it's just not a complicated task. There's no epic battle between not being shallow and dating people you find unattractive, except in the minds of people who think everyone who doesn't give them a boner when they walk past is unattractive. They're their own problem.

Those who want a serious, close relationship don't select their mates based off which one knocks their socks off at first glance (such as people who can't stand the slightest skin imperfection, won't even converse with anyone on online dating because they're not attractive enough, etc). They scan the ones that look satisfactory for which one makes them happy and gets them.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Cerberus said:


> Hey! I have opinions, too. Don't leave me out. :mum


:lol your avatar.

You're meant to be a dog dude, don't forget I have control over all rabbits because I said so. Also can you get your butt out the way? I need to leave the Underworld to buy some pineapple juice, cheers. Nothing but pomegranates here :no


----------



## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Darktower776 said:


> There's a lot of talk on these forums about people, admittedly mostly guys but some girls too, talking about how they want a cute/handsome/pretty boyfriend or girlfriend. (Bear with me, cause this post is kind of long.)
> 
> I've seen a lot of the guys being called shallow especially if they are self professed "ugly guys" for wanting an attractive or pretty girl because they ignore the unattractive females. And though it is more rare on the forums, I've seen some self proclaimed "ugly girls" say they want a cute or handsome guy as well.
> 
> ...


To my mind, if a person is shallow he or she won't care about their partner (won't help, advise, reassure, offer moral support or sound judgments).


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

*So what determines if a person is "shallow" or just wanting to find a partner they are physically attracted to- which is what pretty much everyone (male or female) wants? *

To me, it's whether they find minor physical flaws or differences from the norm to be a deal-breaker. I've heard men call women ugly when their nose looks like anything even slightly different from a teeny tiny ski-jump button nose. I've also heard women say that they wouldn't date a man who wears a certain article of clothing. Shallow is expecting something near physical perfection or expecting someone that meets the mold of conventionally attractive almost exactly.


----------



## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Honestly, I don't think it's as much about how attractive of a partner you demand, but rather, how much importance you put on their looks as opposed to other factors. It's hard to explain, so this might sound confusing, but I like seeing attraction like this- every characteristic can be broken down into points, the more points, the more attractive a person is to you in general. 

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the amount of points needed for you to be willing date someone is 10, and the factors we take into consideration are personality, physical attractiveness and compatibility (whether they are your "type"). For me, I can say approximately personality (sense of humour, how nice they are etc) can add between 0 to points 5 depending on how good it is, physical attractiveness can add approximately 0 to 4, and compatibility is the most important to me, so it can add 0 to 7. I wouldn't be willing to date someone based on just one of these characteristics alone even if it was perfect, but, I would be willing to look past their lack of one of them if the other two are high (now, obviously, this is a very oversimplified model, it's just to illustrate a point). 

Now, some people might have it differently. Looks alone could add up to 10 or more points for some people, whereas they might really care about personality or compatibility as much. So, they might give a very attractive person a chance, even if they had nothing in common or were a total a******, and might ignore someone compatible with a good personality if they weren't very good looking. That's pretty much my definition of being shallow when it comes to looks.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Ntln said:


> So, they might give a very attractive person a chance, even if they had nothing in common or were a total a******, and might ignore someone compatible with a good personality if they weren't very good looking. That's pretty much my definition of being shallow when it comes to looks.


This, too. There are a surprising number of people that would overlook a ****ty personality just because someone looks like Barbie or Ken.


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

I always find it so misguided when people say that they don't care about looks. That is wholly untrue, otherwise they would be discounting their own tastes and preferences with regard to physical attraction. Appearance is the first thing that attracts us to potential partners - at least those who are strangers - as we typically have nothing to go on about their personalities.

As far as being shallow, in my view it's when people qualify their evaluations of others (i.e., their behaviors, personalities, etc.) as a mere extension of their judgment of others' looks. Many, if not most, people fail to separate characteristics and instead look at others through one lens or another.


----------



## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

It's really nobodies business who dates who. If someone wants to bounce around between partners because they're only concerned with looks and not chemistry, then that's their choice.

I used to be one of those guys that started calling women shallow and vapid if they didn't show any interest in me, but then I realized that there are people I don't show interest in, so what's the difference? Nobody is obliged to sleep with you. If someone doesn't find you attractive it's not the end of the world.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I've been called shallow before on this forum a few times since I've been here. Sometimes directly accused, other times indirectly. If I'm shallow there is nothing I can do about it it seems. I can't trick my brain into being attracted to someone I'm not attracted to, much as that would be a useful trick.


Really? From the posts I've read you definitely don't seem like that at all. Or was there some other perceived reason? I agree that you can't trick your brain into being attracted to someone that you really aren't attracted to and that was one of the points I was trying to get across.



mezzoforte said:


> When someone on this site says they're attracted to, or not attracted to a certain physical trait, someone on the forum who doesn't match that person's ideal will often speak up and insinuate that that person is shallow. I've seen it happen quite often.
> 
> Most people want to be in a relationship with someone they find attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that. Just because someone doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean that they're shallow.


Very true. I think I know one of the traits you are referring to because it can cause a slight uproar sometimes, especially with guys, which is height preferences. I know shorter guys can have a rough time of finding a female that won't dismiss them because of their stature, but I can't call them shallow because of it.

Everyone has preferences when it comes to what we like in a partner. For instance I would not want to date a woman that was half a foot taller than me and I don't see what's wrong with that.


----------



## FriedChicken (May 18, 2013)

Shallowness does not exist when it comes to physical attraction. It's a very stupid idea made by society and it plays the role in "There is someone for everybody". Attraction isn't so black and white. 

Everyone wants an attractive partner. 

I think a lot of people forget the basic rule of attraction. What YOU find attractive may NOT be attractive to another person. Nobody has extreme standards. If the fat guy wants a hot model then go for it. There is NOTHING wrong with a fat guy wanting a hot model. There are plenty of slim women who actually like fat guys. The same can be said for men who are in shape who love fat women. Is being fat a flaw? To some yes but to others no. 

If two people with missing teeth are dating that does not mean they "settled" for each other because they share a physical trait. They can honestly be sexually attracted to each other. 

There is NOTHING wrong with a women who only likes muscular men or a guy who only wants a woman with a big pair of tits. If the boob guy dates a flat chested girl then she will only turn him off in bed. It's part of his sexual makeup. Why would you date someone who turns you off? It's illogical. 

There is a double standard to shallowness. If the girl rejects the geek for the jock then people will say she is shallow. However, I knew a muscular guy in college and women loved him. He only likes fat women. Nobody would call him shallow if he rejects every slim woman on campus. Everyone would say "he's open minded". He's not really open minded. He's really like the big girls and that's apart of his sexual makeup. 

A physical "flaw" is not actually flaw. It is a feature that can attract some people and turn off other people. It's just that damn simple.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Darktower776 said:


> Really? From the posts I've read you definitely don't seem like that at all. Or was there some other perceived reason? I agree that you can't trick your brain into being attracted to someone that you really aren't attracted to and that was one of the points I was trying to get across.


I definitely think I am shallow, not as shallow as some people though, but more than others. It's not something I'm happy about, but yeah.

A couple of times I've directly been called shallow because of some threads I've made, or in a message. But it doesn't happen very often to me.

Then with indirect examples.. Certain threads I post a lot in (though I don't often now, but definitely used to) are frequently called shallow and all people who post in them are basically aligned with the devil in certain poster's minds.

Another common example that comes up a lot when people make threads about this is, I like guys to have hair that's not too short and like certain styles of hair on guys. Most people consider this to be shallow (especially other female posters I've noticed), but I can't help it. It's even like a guy becomes instantly more physically attractive to me if I like his hair.

You see a lot of comments like 'Any *insert gender here* person who cares about this is an awful shallow person who is not worth your time anyway.'

Other than that I have some other weird physical preferences I guess, so _I_ know I'm shallow in that respect.

tl;dr basically yeah I am lol.


----------



## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

I don't think shallowness should be equated with having preferences.

I'd say shallowness is caring about looks above all else.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

mjkittredge said:


> I don't think shallowness should be equated with having preferences.
> 
> I'd say shallowness is caring about looks above all else.


I agree 100%.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

@Persephone The Dread You're just very specific :lol


----------



## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Whenever I hear someone call others "shallow" for having physical preferences/standards, I know they must be insecure and just want to make you feel bad. 
I mean I never hear people being called shallow if their preference is someone who is chubby or has small boobs.
People get called shallow for liking skinny, in shape bodies, big boobs and big butts. I don't think it's fair. So I've kinda stopped giving a ****.

Call me shallow, I don't care. I am shallow. I like things that look good.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

probably offline said:


> @Persephone The Dread You're just very specific :lol


True ._.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Wanting someone you're attracted to is not shallow. Everyone wants to date someone who they're attracted to. If they don't, it's called a friendship.


----------



## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Everyone wants to date someone who they're attracted to. If they don't, it's called a friendship.


Well, I'm the exception I guess. I can honestly say I do not care what she looks like. I sure as hell wouldn't pass up a good match just because she doesn't compare favorably to the 'standard'.

Regarding shallowness, I'd say disregarding someone as a potential partner simply because of some superficiciality is pretty damn shallow, unless of course you find them repulsive to look at.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

SadSack1987 said:


> Well, I'm the exception I guess. I can honestly say I do not care what she looks like. I sure as hell wouldn't pass up a good match just because she doesn't compare favorably to the 'standard'.
> 
> Regarding shallowness, I'd say disregarding someone as a potential partner simply because of some superficiciality is pretty damn shallow, unless of course you find them repulsive to look at.


I've never actually had sex, but I imagine if I did, I would want to at least want to have sex with her. And that would involve her being attractive.

Why is it superficial to be attracted to someone? If we didn't have sex drives, the human race would die out. The whole purpose of sex is built on attraction.

That being said, I'm not saying that I need a model. Everyone is flawed. But I do at least not want to cringe when we get naked.


----------



## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I've never actually had sex, but I imagine if I did, I would want to at least want to have sex with her. And that would involve her being attractive.


Does it really, though? I'm sure there have been arranged marriages where the couple did not particularly like each other at first but they did end up having children as they were expected to, and even began to appreciate each other's companionship. Obviously not what I'm looking for but I would imagine that a relationship can exist without mutual physical attraction.



DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Why is it superficial to be attracted to someone? If we didn't have sex drives, the human race would die out. The whole purpose of sex is built on attraction.


I very strongly doubt that if suddenly no one liked anyone else's appearance, humanity would die out. Relationships would however be built more on other factors like socio-economic status, health, and yes, personality. There might be less sex but people would still want children as that is a whole other biological imperative.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

SadSack1987 said:


> Well, I'm the exception I guess. I can honestly say I do not care what she looks like.


That's interesting...Since you don't have to be attracted to the person you date, are you also into guys? Also how would sex work? You'd have to think of something else during sex in order to stay hard? Or are you asexual? :con I could understand someone who is asexual saying that looks don't matter at all.


----------



## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> That's interesting...Since you don't have to be attracted to the person you date, are you also into guys? Also how would sex work? You'd have to think of something else during sex in order to stay hard? Or are you asexual? :con I could understand someone who is asexual saying that looks don't matter at all.


I have some bi tendencies but still much more into females. I've been fairly gender-blind in my interactions so far and have only really considered dating quite recently, so I'm sure I'm a special case. I have a libido but it hasn't been associated with anyone irl since I was, like, 12. As far as my interactions with other people go, my adolescence and early adulthood could actually be described as largely asexual. There have been a couple of occasions where sex was basically shoved in my face and I could not ignore it but I felt guilty for feeling that way in public, and then quickly forgot about it. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about all these things, and why.

As for how sex would work, I'll tell you when it happens, lol. I imagine that a strong emotional bond would override or lessen the absence of a purely physical attraction but who knows. Would actually like to hear experiences of this, myself.


----------



## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

For me personally it boils down to this:

Physical attraction is part of the whole equation but I don't feel like it should be placed above all else and I especially don't feel like physical attraction makes up for someone being a ****ty person, but that's me, I know many people who are okay with being treated badly by someone because they find that person to be "so hot" or whatever. I don't care how "hot" you are, if you have an ugly personality as in you are mean, hateful and condesecending I want nothing to do with you. that doesn't mean that physical attraction plays no part in me being with a woman, it does, the same way physical attraction needs to be a factor when women are with me. I would hate to be with a woman that does not find me attractive at all because I feel that she would never be able to fully enjoy our relationship, the same way I wouldn't want to be involved with a woman I don't find attractive at all for the same reasons.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

SadSack1987 said:


> I have some bi tendencies but still much more into females. I've been fairly gender-blind in my interactions so far and have only really considered dating quite recently, so I'm sure I'm a special case. I have a libido but it hasn't been associated with anyone irl since I was, like, 12. As far as my interactions with other people go, my adolescence and early adulthood could actually be described as largely asexual. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about all these things, and why.
> 
> As for how sex would work, I'll tell you when it happens, lol. *I imagine that a strong emotional bond would override or lessen the absence of a purely physical attraction but who knows. Would actually like to hear experiences of this, myself.*


Hmm, okay.

Well I find that when I'm looking for a partner, I'd say their personality is about 80% of the attraction and physical appearance is about 20%. In several cases, once I got to know a guy I initially wasn't attracted to (not ugly but not attractive either), I became very sexually attracted to them. So maybe that might happen with you as well?

Also, I'm not looking to date women, but I find that my attraction to women is purely physical, unlike with guys. So yeah, sexuality can be a confusing thing lol.


----------



## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> Hmm, okay.
> 
> Well I find that when I'm looking for a partner, I'd say their personality is about 80% of the attraction and physical appearance is about 20%. In several cases, once I got to know a guy I initially wasn't attracted to (not ugly but not attractive either), I became very sexually attracted to them. So maybe that might happen with you as well?


That's what I'm hoping for. To be perfectly frank, when I said I totally disregard appearance except for extreme repulsion, I didn't mention one thing that's in the back of my mind - my own insecurity would probably make me somewhat insecure in being with a highly desirable partner that could easily find someone not only more generally attractive than myself, but also more interesting. All other things being even and if I _had_ to choose between a supermodel and someone similar to me in terms of physical desirability, this might be the clincher in choosing the latter. I *hate* the concept of 'leagues' of attractiveness, and I'm not proud at all for letting insecurity impact my choices but I can't deny that nagging fear that a frayed relationship with someone out of my 'league' would crack all that much more easily.

But this is all just stuff I'm theorizing about in front of my laptop in the sticks in the middle of nowhere, where I get minimal new acquaintances. It'll all be put to the test when move out of here and give society another chance.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't believe that having preferences, or even very specific preferences, makes someone shallow.

I prefer girls that don't have really, really short hair. Not a deal breaker but that's one of my preferences. I just find longer hair more attractive on a woman. Also, as mentioned before, I would not want to go out with a woman that was like 6 inches taller than me either.


----------



## Scrooge (Aug 21, 2014)

If you are "ugly", and you get UPSET when attractive people wont settle for YOU, you're an a-hole and shallow.
Of course you want an attractive partner, its a given, but people get _offended or angry_ at people not wanting to "downgrade" to them.
Like why do they have to settle, when you don't even want to play in your own league?
I see so much double standards in this board it makes me sick.


----------



## FriedChicken (May 18, 2013)

Scrooge said:


> If you are "ugly", and you get UPSET when attractive people wont settle for YOU, you're an a-hole and shallow.
> Of course you want an attractive partner, its a given, but people get _offended or angry_ at people not wanting to "downgrade" to them.
> Like why do they have to settle, when you don't even want to play in your own league?
> I see so much double standards in this board it makes me sick.


There is no such thing as "downgrading". Maybe a traditionally attractive person prefers a person with a nontraditional attractive feature. Some muscular guys love big women. Does that mean they are downgrading? NO!

Leagues do not naturally exist. Leagues are social construction made by society's standards. People don't have to follow them, but some people are pressured into going with the norm instead of revealing all of their sexual desires.


----------



## Scrooge (Aug 21, 2014)

FriedChicken said:


> There is no such thing as "downgrading". Maybe a traditionally attractive person prefers a person with a nontraditional attractive feature. Some muscular guys love big women. Does that mean they are downgrading? NO!
> 
> Leagues do not naturally exist. Leagues are social construction made by society's standards. People don't have to follow them, but some people are pressured into going with the norm instead of revealing all of their sexual desires.


We are obviously defining people as more or less attractive in this thread, its the entire point. So you kind of don't make sense.
All I'm saying is that attractive people deserve happiness and being with other attractive people. Without being called shallow. They don't owe less attractive people ****.


----------



## FriedChicken (May 18, 2013)

Scrooge said:


> We are obviously defining people as more or less attractive in this thread, its the entire point. So you kind of don't make sense.
> All I'm saying is that attractive people deserve happiness and being with other attractive people. Without being called shallow. They don't owe less attractive people ****.


My point makes sense. You clearly DO NOT GET IT.

We cannot truly define attractiveness for another person. Everyone deserves happiness and being with a person that they are attracted to! An attractive person COULD find a non-traditional person attractive. It happens all of the time. That's his or her happiness. How is it downgrading when the attractive person desires the not so attractive mate? They don't see it as a downgrade.


----------



## Scrooge (Aug 21, 2014)

FriedChicken said:


> My point makes sense. You clearly DO NOT GET IT.
> 
> We cannot truly define attractiveness for another person. Everyone deserves happiness and being with a person that they are attracted to! An attractive person COULD find a non-traditional person attractive. It happens all of the time. That's his or her happiness. How is it downgrading when the attractive person desires the not so attractive mate? They don't see it as a downgrade.


You cant define attractiveness
Yet this thread depend on it. Yet you use the word in your posts. Do you even know what youre talking about? Lol .


----------



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

It's kind of human nature in a way; everyone aims for someone who's better than themselves. (either in attractiveness, wealth, personality etc.) It kind of makes rational sense if you think about it - what use would it be to our species if we actively sought out mates who were average or below. Not condoning of course, just wanted to point out it's probably the way we're hard wired.


----------



## CinnamonDelight (Jul 1, 2013)

Yes, I think having exclusive preferences makes someone shallow. Whould not date.


----------

