# Do you ever see yourself getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?



## DeeperUnderstanding

I don't.

At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.

I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.

Can anyone relate?


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## joe11

Don't say never about anything.

There will be a girl out there for you, I am not saying it is easy though but don't give up. If you don't believe you will ever find a girlfriend, it will just make you feel bad and will reduce your chances further. Try and look at the positives of being single and there are positive. Of course you want to experience having a girlfriend though, I do too, but don't look at the negative belief that you will never get one. I don't think you can say never about anything and also, I think you have much better chance than you think you have.

I can relate as I am in a similar position but I have come to accept for the moment that it is better not to have a girlfriend until I finish college in a few months. It is hard to imagine myself with a girl though as I have never had a friend who is a girl let alone anything more. I still believe one day that I might get lucky in that sense and I hope I do. I hope you do too.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Yeah, but it's hard when you start pushing 30, and you still haven't experienced a first kiss.

You start wondering, "is it my looks? Is it my personality? How can I *change *to attract women? Should I cut my hair? Should I grow a beard? Should I get my butt in the gym and start working out like crazy?"

It also doesn't help that most women just don't get me. I am not a typical guy; I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I don't drive, I don't do illegal stuff, I believe in being moral, I read and listen to music for entertainment, I hate sports. Etc.

If I could meet a girl who I found even remotely attractive, who shared all of my interests and we had a connection, then I'd be a happy man. But it seems like I need to be someone I'm not, because the "current me" is not attractive to women.


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## joe11

WintersTale said:


> Yeah, but it's hard when you start pushing 30, and you still haven't experienced a first kiss.
> 
> You start wondering, "is it my looks? Is it my personality? How can I *change *to attract women? Should I cut my hair? Should I grow a beard? Should I get my butt in the gym and start working out like crazy?"
> 
> It also doesn't help that most women just don't get me. I am not a typical guy; I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I don't drive, I don't do illegal stuff, I believe in being moral, I read and listen to music for entertainment, I hate sports. Etc.
> 
> If I could meet a girl who I found even remotely attractive, who shared all of my interests and we had a connection, then I'd be a happy man. But it seems like I need to be someone I'm not, because the "current me" is not attractive to women.


I disagree with that. You shouldn't and don't have to change to be attractive to women. Going on what you said about yourself, many women would prefer your personality to other guys, I guarantee it. Actually there is probably one thing that would help to change but it is not easy to do. Believe in yourself more. You seem to not believe in yourself and it is important to do that. You need to accept yourself for who you are and girls will too. Of course I need to do that too and I know how hard it is.

Out of the things you listed about yourself too, I am quite similar except I prefer sport to music (don't play it sport though as I am too shy) and I do drink sometimes.

There is no point dwelling on not having a girlfriend though as that is only making you feel worse. Have you ever being rejected by a girl?


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## Jessie203

Don't give up hope. Are you confident in yourself and happy with how you look and how you spend your days? If so, I'm sure there's a woman out there who would go for that. It's not all about looks anyway in relationships. Inexperience doesn't mean s***, Weight doesn't mean s*** - to some people ( aka ones thats matter )


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## heroin

No.


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## Misanthropic

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


Yes except I was never saddened by it until relatively recently. I don't want a girlfriend.


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## percyblueraincoat

*At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.*

No experience in what? Why would you need experience? You know who you are (or can discover that) and you know (or can discover) what you want in life and from a girl. So you can do that and then move towards finding those things in a girl.

*I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.

Can anyone relate?*

For a start, not everyone takes it foregranted. Relationships are tough for lots of people in the world. Hence the problem pages. It is not painful that you'll never experience it because the story is not over yet. You have a heartbeat. Things change. I didn't think I would get a girlfriend ever when I was 16. And a year later, I'd had two.

We never know what's gonna happen. If you feel this is about confidence, self esteem, anxiety to do with dating etc, I'd be glad to try and help if I can. PM if that sounds like something you're interested in.

Because you don't need to change to be attractive. You are attractive. But the belief systems holding you back are literally doing just that, holding you back.


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## Serene Sweetheart

With my SA & shy/quiet personality, maybe not.








But I do hope for one anyways. n_n


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## Vip3r

Probably not. I am always too clingy or else I will just push people away because of my fear of rejection. I feel like I never give people a chance to really know me and they get the impression I am untinterested or just a cold emotionless person.


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## Rixy

Honestly? Yes. About three times in the last year I could have had a chance at developing a relationship with about three different girls. Actually - four, but one of them was kind of a crazy situation. Problem? I didn't really like them. Now, you can call me picky and fussy, but what's the point if I'm not interested? I don't really have much experience in flirting or dating because I don't see the point unless I'm fully interested in the girl. This is a different mindset to guys from my social group, who chase after any girl with a pulse. If you guys think I have high expectations, feel free to let me know; I'm starting to find it slightly strange how rarely I have deep interests in girls. Then again, it could just be the social environment I'm in. _"FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT" "GET IN THERE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN"_ Um...no thanks -_-


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## VagueResemblance

Not anymore, it's been too long living alone.


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## BrokenStars

I've had a few, but they weren't real relationships...so :no


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## Kennnie

yes, i just need to take that extra step


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## Cosmic

Hey, don't feel bad about being inexperienced. Personally, I'd rather date a guy who hasn't been with many women than a guy who could fill a book with the names of his former flings. :]


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## VC132

hopefully yes


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## lanzman

I'm hopelessly hopeful.


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## viv

Realistically, no. But I prefer to spend time in vivreality, where the grass is pink and there's hope for me.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf

Not in the near future. 

I just want to meet one woman who honest to god single, not attached, not committed in anyway. Maybe I been single for so long and it's a defensive mechanism, but dating these days seems just utterly more confusing than it was just a couple years ago. With Valentines coming up, I just feel more frustrated than ever, knowing frustration wouldn't help the cause. 

I just wish I knew what to do. I feel useless.


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## huh

nope


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## watashi

Not unless I learn to be emotionally open with people. And I have yet to meet someone who would understand me.


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## factmonger

I've only had relationships with weird guys...I must maintain a positive attitude...it WILL happen.


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## shynesshellasucks

At my rate I don't see it, unless I change myself and my ways.


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## Peter Attis

No. And I don't really want to. I just don't think I can deal with all the relationship drama and stuff.


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## Some Russian Guy

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


every time guys say
"I'll never get a girlfriend"
"I'm not worthy of anyone"
"I don't deserve to have a girl"
this is actually a case of psychological masochism
you actually enjoy stating that you don't have a girlfriend, because you like the psychological pain that comes with it
same goes for girls
that's what I think


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## BetaBoy90

Hellz yes I do, hopefully both at the same time. I'll go to the game with my boyfriend and then catch Sleepless in Seattle on cable with my girlfriend, I can totally see that.


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## nemesis1

Not unless i lower my standards.


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## Freiheit

Not unless I learn to communicate and _not _ignore people.


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## Music Man

Vip3r said:


> Probably not. I am always too clingy or else I will just push people away because of my fear of rejection. I feel like I never give people a chance to really know me and they get the impression I am untinterested or just a cold emotionless person.


I could have written that..... but I didn't..... but I could have!


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## Ape in space

It is something that is so outside my experience that I really can't picture myself actually getting a girlfriend, even though I want one badly. I was just thinking of how much work I would have to do just to get to the point where I can have a decent conversation with a girl - and then I'd still only be at what most people consider the 'starting point'. Then I would have to go through all the woes and challenges of the dating world, in an ever-shrinking pool of potential partners. It seems overwhelming.

However, I must believe that it can still happen and give it the best effort I can manage, if for no other reason than to avoid the feeling of regret later in life when I think about what could have been if I'd just done this or that.


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## stranger25

factmonger said:


> I've only had relationships with weird guys...I must maintain a positive attitude...it WILL happen.


weird guys? whats that mean?


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## Scrub-Zero

Yes. Met her on this site.


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## BetaBoy90

Logan X said:


> Yes. Met her on this site.


Congrats man, that is awesome!


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## BetaBoy90

stranger25 said:


> weird guys? whats that mean?


It means guys who have acted in ways that made her believe them to be weird, which she may in fact be correct about:b


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## mrbojangles

I honestly think I could be in a relationship if I took some chances and opened myself up emotionally for someone to get to know me on that level. I've always been afraid of stupid things when it comes to relationships. Things like meeting her family, meeting her friends, having to call her frequently and maintaining a conversation, etc. In time those things would come naturally. Someone who was understanding and I could be open about my anxiety with would be great. I'm not TOO picky when it comes to looks, she just has to make me feel happy about myself, and hopefully I'd be able to do that same for her. I think I'd be a great boyfriend though, it's just a matter of someone taking a chance on me, and also getting experience which I don't have.


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## CourtneyB

I can. I hope to have one one day.... When that day is? I have no idea.


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## Milco

Logan X said:


> Yes. Met her on this site.


Congrats to both of you 

I really hope I can. It's one of the things I want a lot in life.
But I can't really see it clearly for me or what I need to do to get there.
Have been trying quite a bit, so..


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## uhmm doh

Some Russian Guy said:


> every time guys say
> "I'll never get a girlfriend"
> "I'm not worthy of anyone"
> "I don't deserve to have a girl"
> this is actually a case of psychological masochism
> you actually enjoy stating that you don't have a girlfriend, because you like the psychological pain that comes with it
> same goes for girls
> that's what I think


That's some seriously weird logic. No one out here *enjoys* stating they don't have a girlfriend. The only reason we are comfortable admitting it is because this is a support website, and there is a degree of anonymity. I'm sure none of us go around stating that fact to anyone and everyone we meet in real life. Infact, most people would find it incredibly embarrassing to talk about.


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## sas111

...No, in my dreams. That seems impossible. :/


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## Einangra

Well, getting to my age without so much as a kiss does tend to suggest I'm wholly repellent to all women. I've hopes for so long I could get a girlfriend, but I don't see it happening. I'm just so unimpressive in every department.


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## beautifully strange

Yes, definitely. I have plenty of time and plus I have the perfect guy in mind


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## jasiony

I do not discount the possibility, if it happens then great.


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## Rossy

Hmmm not sure,I am a nice guy and all that but I have trouble approaching women.


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## estse

Yes, I buy her at the Fence-MArt. She attack me chimneys. Oh, what a beautiful baby!


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## That guy over there

I don't see it happening anytime soon. Maybe in few years from now if i'm lucky.I will probably end up boring them to death and end up getting dumpedops


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## Shauna The Dead

I've had relationships in the past, just nothing that ever actually works out or that lasts very long. I honestly don't understand how anyone can be with someone for years and years and years. I give up. Nothing I get into is ever going to last more than a few short months, so I don't see the point in it.


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## AK32

I sure hope so I know I want a relationship.


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## AlexeiKirillov

I see myself in a relationship with a girl again one day. First, I have to feel like I'm in that position to do so responsibly (at a certain place in society, like, employed). 

I'll never lower my standards. If I have to be intoxicated on any substance to be attracted to her personality or physique, obviously, this won't work. 

Have to remind myself not to be a dick as well.


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## KennethJones

Serene Sweetheart said:


> With my SA & shy/quiet personality, maybe not.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But I do hope for one anyways. n_n


LOL
You are 16 and already making predictions about your future? You aren't even done growing yet. Also keep in mind that you are a woman. You won't have a hard time finding a relationship when you get older, nature has already taken care of that for you.


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## KennethJones

WintersTale said:


> Can anyone relate?


I can relate.

I am a 25 year old below average looking, mentally ill male with no social skills, and no real career. On top of that I have yet to get my drivers license and won't be moving out of my parents' house anytime soon.

I am devoid of any personality. Talking to me is like having a conversation with the Terminator.

With me being a male, its all over for me. Nature has pretty much given me a death sentence.


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## KennethJones

I just noticed something about this thread. Most of the people participating in this thread are males. And most of the females in this thread have been in relationships or remain optimistic about the future. There are a few that aren't so confident but thats expected because they are teenagers (that haven't even really experienced life yet).

This just further proves my theory about gender and relationships. Nature gives each woman a pool of mates to select from and men compete within the pool(s). Alot of guys here are having difficulties because they can't adequately compete within the pools.

LOL If you are a man and don't have your stuff together then good luck because nature will find a way to weed you out.



stranger25 said:


> weird guys? whats that mean?


She was probably referring to the weaker males within her selection pool that were below her standards.


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## heroin

KennethJones said:


> LOL If you are a man and don't have your stuff together then good luck because nature will find a way to weed you out.





[URL=http://www.psy.fsu.edu/%7Ebaumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm]Is there anything good about men?[/URL] said:


> Recent research using DNA analysis answered this question about two years ago. *Today's human population is descended from twice as many women as men.* I think this difference is the single most underappreciated fact about gender. To get that kind of difference, you had to have something like, throughout the entire history of the human race, maybe 80% of women but only 40% of men reproduced
> ......
> 
> For women throughout history (and prehistory), the odds of reproducing have been pretty good.
> ..........
> 
> Most men who ever lived did not have descendants who are alive today. Their lines were dead ends_._


But wait for someone to barge in and denounce this as a "sexist" view. Science is patriarchal and sexist and out to destroy women!

Awaiting thread lock because it is easier to stifle discussion that goes against the party line than provide refuting arguments.


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## percyblueraincoat

KennethJones said:


> I just noticed something about this thread. Most of the people participating in this thread are males. And most of the females in this thread have been in relationships or remain optimistic about the future. There are a few that aren't so confident but thats expected because they are teenagers (that haven't even really experienced life yet).
> 
> This just further proves my theory about gender and relationships. Nature gives each woman a pool of mates to select from and men compete within the pool(s). Alot of guys here are having difficulties because they can't adequately compete within the pools.
> 
> LOL If you are a man and don't have your stuff together then good luck because nature will find a way to weed you out.
> 
> She was probably referring to the weaker males within her selection pool that were below her standards.


Further proves. Your theory is very, very far from being proved. Someone says something about "weird guys" and you assume she was referring to what you would think of as "weaker males" (goodness only knows what that means) within her selection pool (something you made up).

So that's observations, false interpretation, false placing of meaning (unless the poster of the weird guys comment wants to chime in and confirm they were talking about the same thing as you think they were) and a bunch of other assumptions. Not exactly scientific thinking, is it?

Nature gives women a pool of mates to select from? And men compete in that pool? Heck, I remember my first days in the pool....

Forgive me, but what pool?

Why would a woman have a pool and a man have no pool? Surely, if these selection pools exist, both genders have them? You'd have a selection pool to choose from as much as a woman would?

And then you make assumptions that men here are having difficulties because they can't adequately compete in their pools. How on earth do you know that? How do you know what their individual difficulties they have?

I have a theory that your paranoid delusions about nature giving you some sort of death sentance and your support for what you think of as your limitations is what is holding you back. Am I right? I don't know. I accept the falibility of my guesswork. Should you not do the same when making assumptions about the difficulties, issues and problems of other people?

If you're not a man with his stuff together then nature will find a way to weed you out? Darwin is probably spinning in his grave after hearing that one. What exactly does "having your stuff together as a man" entail?

Lots of men with different insecurities, doubts, looks etc get into relationships. It's not just one type of guy who you dreamed up and called "alpha male" who gets into relationships. Outside, in the real world, lots of people get into relationships and a lot of them have what some people would think of as limitations, issues, doubts and problems and even handicaps.

Outside, in the real world, there is little evidence that women have it easier.

Problem pages in women's magazines are full of relationship issues. Indeed, only recently has the balance shifted so that problem pages in men magazines went into any kind of depth about relationship issues (on a mass scale).

Dating experts work with women. Why? It's supposed to be simple for women to get into relationships. Why would women need help? Oh, it's not simple for them.

Dating products for women, same thing.

Fact of the matter is: both genders are in this together and energy spent in anger and energy spent arguing for why some other people are better at getting into relationships is energy that could be spent on arguing for our good points and or discovering what is attractive about us.


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## KennethJones

joinmartin said:


> Further proves. Your theory is very, very far from being proved. Someone says something about "weird guys" and you assume she was referring to what you would think of as "weaker males" (goodness only knows what that means) within her selection pool (something you made up).


Words such as "creepy", and "weird" are terms used by women to describe weaker men in their respective selection pools. These men have failed to prove their worthiness to the female because of defects in their body language, personality and even looks in some cases.



joinmartin said:


> Forgive me, but what pool?
> 
> Why would a woman have a pool and a man have no pool? Surely, if these selection pools exist, both genders have them? You'd have a selection pool to choose from as much as a woman would?


The key word here is "selection". Men are generally not selectors. Women are. Nature has given women the power of the "gate keeper". This is a very important role as they have the power of disallowing or allowing certain males to spread their genetic make-up.

Yes, males can have pools as well. But keep in mind that this is the exception and not the rule. Your average man does not have a pool to select from. He is waiting to be picked.



joinmartin said:


> And then you make assumptions that men here are having difficulties because they can't adequately compete in their pools. How on earth do you know that? How do you know what their individual difficulties they have?


I know because they are males with SA which is a mental illness and unfortunately, it is a weakness.

Its hard just being a man but mental illness makes things 10x harder.

Men are constantly competing with each other within nature to obtain what they want. How can a man adequately compete with others when he is struggling internally? Thats like a basketball player trying to play with a broken ankle. He can try all he wants but his body will not allow him to compete .



joinmartin said:


> Am I right? I don't know. I accept the falibility of my guesswork. Should you not do the same when making assumptions about the difficulties, issues and problems of other people?


I have no "guesswork". Everything that I stated is fact.

My evidence is backed by nature. And I think that is acceptable as proof.



joinmartin said:


> If you're not a man with his stuff together then nature will find a way to weed you out? Darwin is probably spinning in his grave after hearing that one. *What exactly does "having your stuff together as a man" entail?*


I could write a book to answer that question but it basically entails being able to provide security (emotional and material), being mentally sound, being independent, showing above average intelligence, etc.

There are other things to that have to do with outward appearance such as proper body composition, correct use of body language, personality, etc.



joinmartin said:


> Lots of men with different insecurities, doubts, looks etc get into relationships. It's not just one type of guy who you dreamed up and called "alpha male" who gets into relationships. Outside, in the real world, lots of people get into relationships and a lot of them have what some people would think of as limitations, issues, doubts and problems and even handicaps.


You have described exceptions here. But I thought we were talking about rules?



joinmartin said:


> Outside, in the real world, there is little evidence that women have it easier.
> 
> Problem pages in women's magazines are full of relationship issues. Indeed, only recently has the balance shifted so that problem pages in men magazines went into any kind of depth about relationship issues (on a mass scale).
> 
> Dating experts work with women. Why? It's supposed to be simple for women to get into relationships. Why would women need help? Oh, it's not simple for them.


Women make it tough for themselves when they chase after the top 10%-20% of males who end up rejecting them for ridiculous reasons such as not having the "perfect body".

Women also make it hard on themselves when they don't recognize the power that nature has given them. Some women are even unaware that they actually have a pool of men to choose from.



joinmartin said:


> Fact of the matter is: both genders are in this together and energy spent in anger and energy spent arguing for why some other people are better at getting into relationships is energy that could be spent on arguing for our good points and or discovering what is attractive about us.


[email protected] genders being in it together. Do you really believe that? You make it seem as the genders are helping each other in forming relationships.

Nature gives the genders their respective roles to play and the genders play out these roles accordingly. No one is helping anyone. And at the end of the day its not personal. I don't blame anyone for not getting picked by any women in the selection pools. I am just not strong enough to get picked at this point in my life.


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## percyblueraincoat

*hmm*

*Words such as "creepy", and "weird" are terms used by women to describe weaker men in their respective selection pools. These men have failed to prove their worthiness to the female because of defects in their body language, personality and even looks in some cases.*

And you know this how? Which women have done this? Are these terms like "creep", and "weird" terms use by all women all over the place in exactly the same way? This isn't evidence to prove your theory. You're looking at some stuff that happens and interpreting through your theory. You're linking the terms "creep" and "weird" with the word "weak" and that's not an obvious connection. Why would a creep or a weirdo automatically be seen as a "weak man"?

And are people who are called "weird" or "creep" called that because of defects in their body language, personality, looks etc or is it more likely that they are called that for a variety of reasons, many of which may have nothing to do with the man themselves or with their own identity as a man- which, one has to remember, is something that no woman can accurately judge in a short space of time.

*The key word here is "selection". Men are generally not selectors. Women are. Nature has given women the power of the "gate keeper". This is a very important role as they have the power of disallowing or allowing certain males to spread their genetic make-up.*

*Yes, males can have pools as well. But keep in mind that this is the exception and not the rule. Your average man does not have a pool to select from. He is waiting to be picked.*

Why is it the exception? Because it not being the exception doesn't fit into your theory? What on earth is an average man and how do you know so much about his life? Answer: you don't. You're guessing based on your theory.

There is no such thing as an average man. Men have a selection pool. Women have a selection pool (if we must use such nonsense terms).

And as for women being some kind of "gate keepers", with respect, women are not holding your genetic code or anyone else's to randsom. It's not always about the discredited nonsense that was social darwinism. Or do you seriously imagine that women get together and have meetings where they plan out whose genetic code they will allow out into the future?

Love, lust and sex and attraction are complicated, ever evolving things and women are not, by the nature of who they individually choose to be with in terms of relationships, engaged in any conspiracy against any man spreading his genetic code into the future. Nature has not discriminated against the genders and women do not have the "gate keeper role".

*I know because they are males with SA which is a mental illness and unfortunately, it is a weakness.*

It is not automatically a weakness. And people with SA get into relationships without losing their SA. Later on in this, you suggest that you have no "guesswork". Well, yes you do, because SA is not automatically a "weakness" because you think it is. That's you guessing.

*Its hard just being a man but mental illness makes things 10x harder. *

*Men are constantly competing with each other within nature to obtain what they want. How can a man adequately compete with others when he is struggling internally? Thats like a basketball player trying to play with a broken ankle. He can try all he wants but his body will not allow him to compete .*

First of all, this whole: "it's hard to be a man thing" has some points to it but not to the extent where it can justify the notion that "it's harder to be a man than it is to be a woman". Life is hard for all of us sometimes.

As for men competing against other in nature, well, so do women. Women compete against each other in nature too.

We do compete as a species. Yes. But none of us ever compete as "perfect" beings. A basketball player with a broken ankle doesn't just stop being able to play basketball. He heals. And then he gets back up and plays again. We all have our imperfections and stuff we think of as our imperfections. All stuff we think holds us back. We don't have to be perfect to compete. If we're still so sufficently less evolved to still be competing instead of seeking compassion and understanding and co-operation as a way of growing then we are competing as flawed beings. All of us are. Men and women both.

*I have no "guesswork". Everything that I stated is fact. *

*My evidence is backed by nature. And I think that is acceptable as proof.*

Forgive me, but you seem to be arguing from a human evolutionary point of view whilst forgetting that you're actually a human being?

You have the capacity be wrong, make false observations, false interpretations, false placements of meaning. And it's clear that your ideas are not open to much revision when counters are brought to them which suggests you're not operating from a scientific model of thinking. Which is fine, entitled to opinions and all that. But you are guessing. Nature does not back you up and everything you have stated is not a fact.

*I could write a book to answer that question but it basically entails being able to provide security (emotional and material), being mentally sound, being independent, showing above average intelligence, etc.*

*There are other things to that have to do with outward appearance such as proper body composition, correct use of body language, personality, etc.*

And your assumption is that, without all of that "stuff" being in place, a man can't date? What on earth is "correct" use of body language?

Forgive me, have you read some "ideal man according to pick up artists books"? Because men come all in different shapes, sizes and personalities and they date. Regardless of some sort of "must haves" that people come up with. Those are guesses. Not facts. People with mental illnesses date and have relationships. So called "below average intelligent people" date and are in relationships.

*You have described exceptions here. But I thought we were talking about rules?*

No, I've described what goes on in the real world outside of your belief system. I have the utmost respect for your belief system and learnings from experience. But that's not a rule of how things work in general. That's how you think things work.

*Women make it tough for themselves when they chase after the top 10%-20% of males who end up rejecting them for ridiculous reasons such as not having the "perfect body". *

*Women also make it hard on themselves when they don't recognize the power that nature has given them. Some women are even unaware that they actually have a pool of men to choose from.*

Some women are unaware of your belief systems? How could that be? Have you considered that they are unaware of what you believe because it has very little basis in actual general fact?

Who on earth are the top ten percent and twenty percent of males? Stop labelling people based on your interpretations of them. Or keep doing it and acknowledge your capacity to get things wrong. Women "go after" a whole range of guys. Men go after a whole range of girls and women. Women do not make it harder on themselves at all. They are under no obligation to conform to or believe in your belief systems about them.

And I notice that that doesn't answer my question about why the dating experts work with women and why the problem pages exist. Because I've worked in women's magazines before now and I never saw a problem page that said: "dear Cosmo, I've been chasing after the top ten percent of alpha males and forgotten that nature has made things easy for me because some guy says it has..."

*[email protected] genders being in it together. Do you really believe that? You make it seem as the genders are helping each other in forming relationships.*

*Nature gives the genders their respective roles to play and the genders play out these roles accordingly. No one is helping anyone. And at the end of the day its not personal. I don't blame anyone for not getting picked by any women in the selection pools. I am just not strong enough to get picked at this point in my life.*

Erm, relationships would be between two people so yes, in hetrosexual relationships, the genders would be helping each other in forming relationships.

Your assumption about not being strong enough to be "picked" is an ASSUMPTION. A GUESS not a fact. You are not God. You have no idea what women think of you. No idea how the next women you might meet would judge you. You're operating not on facts but on your own guesses and beliefs about yourself. We all do it. But those are not facts.

Nature does not give out gender roles in the way you think. Social darwinism and its cousins was discredited and smashed years ago. You could argue that all men are supposed to be out their sowing their wild oats. And yet, what do we actually see in the world....men in monogamous relationships. How could this be....nature gives us our gender roles and we blindly follow them and anything else does not compute...does not compute...etc.

But men make a choice. Because men and women are not against nature. They are nature. We are nature. We move with nature and change nature. The genders do help each other. Life is hard sometimes for all of us and people do support each other.


----------



## Cyrus

Yeah.


----------



## Tom1210

Maybe. One day i might meet that someone special...


----------



## rawrsmus

It's exactly like this for me.


----------



## heyJude

Nope. They always seem to lose interest eventually. Forever alone indeed...


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Probably not, but I'm okay with that.


----------



## Darkness

Me?
Getting a girl who WON'T cheat on you or play with your feelings & lead you on and always have feelings for their ex?

Not. In. A. Million. Years.


----------



## saillias

heroin said:


> But wait for someone to barge in and denounce this as a "sexist" view. Science is patriarchal and sexist and out to destroy women!
> 
> Awaiting thread lock because it is easier to stifle discussion that goes against the party line than provide refuting arguments.


Well this isn't surprising evidence. If you study primates and anthropology, in our most similar ape cousins (chimps, gorillas) the potential for sexual partners in females is rather steady. Almost every female chimp has a kid, and there's not much variance in offspring count between the high-status females and low-status females... With males it's a different story. Low-status males may not mate at all. The alpha-male might have hundreds of kids.

Human traits like sexual dimorphism alone show that in our early history male-male competition was a major factor in survival, and that there's a major difference in male potential for mating vs female potential for mating. You don't need a DNA study to show that.


----------



## stranger25

WistfulWillow said:


> I bet I could snatch an abusive/user type boyfriend in a heartbeat, because those aren't very hard to get, but an actual easygoing, friendly, funny, good-hearted nice guy? ......Mm.... I wish, but there's so many much better women for him. Maybe I could become one if I lost weight and got over my hangups. Still, I'd feel that he got the short end of the stick somehow.. wow maybe thats my problem, no self confidence. lol


They are out there. You just refuse to look for them.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I think it's very unlikely. I am just not attractive to women. I give off an asexual vibe, despite being "very sexual."

I might as well become a monk. I'm living the celibate lifestyle anyway. :lol:


----------



## sohru

the only girl ive been able to attract in person had the mental capacity of a middle schooler at 16. now even girls i seem to hit it off with are completely ignoring me out of the blue. even if i do get the courage to talk to someone i never know what to say, i just draw a blank, and get called awkward. even when i can think of something to say occasionally it never comes out how it is in my head, and i'm just stuck in the friend zone. at least theres mary jane.


----------



## LifeGoesOn

No, I'm 21 and have never even kissed a guy, so I don't see myself ever getting a boyfriend. I will most likely die a virgin. FML.


----------



## 1outof10

No because I just go to work and stay home. I'm not confident enough to approach a stranger and ask her out. I assume all women would be creeped out by that and I'm too afraid of being in the uncomfortable situation of talking to strangers and trying to make them interested in me. So for now I'll continue to watch adult entertainment 5+ times a day.


----------



## Tristeza

Ehhhhh... no!


----------



## ethelonia

This is hard to answer. But for the time being, I would say no.


----------



## Xeros

I'm still holding out hope for finding a girl who has the same issues as me. I think I could muster up the courage to talk to that type of girl.

Although it's not exactly easy to find them considering they're out in public as often as I am...which is never.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

Probably not...


----------



## Pangur Ban

I really hope so...


----------



## Cheesecake

It seems unlikely. I don't know how I'd be able to get comfortable enough with a person to do whatever it is that boyfriend and girlfriend do.


----------



## FakeFur

Eventually, yeah. Somewhere in the future.


----------



## SydneyCarton

Honestly I can't see it. In my dreams it happens, but in reality...


----------



## kenny87

honestly, no, not the way i am now.


----------



## heroin

saillias said:


> You don't need a DNA study to show that.


On this forum you do, and often times it's not enough.


----------



## fingertips

i can't imagine myself with anyone in the forseeable future. 

i can't offer a post hoc rationalisation for this though, sorry. heroin's will have to do.


----------



## heroin

saillias said:


> You don't need a DNA study to show that.





heroin said:


> On this forum you do, and often times it's not enough.





fingertips said:


> i can't imagine myself with anyone in the forseeable future.
> 
> i can't offer a post hoc rationalisation for this though, sorry. heroin's will have to do.


@*saillias: *See what I mean?

Damn them meddling DNA studies!


----------



## shadowmask

Getting one, yes. Keeping one...no. In the past, I've managed to hold down relationships for a few months at a time, but after a while my insecurities and inability to trust built to the point of becoming unbearable and I ended things. Or she did before I got the chance. I'm not sure the pain of heartbreak is worth the good times and memories, anyway. They always became spoiled afterwards.


----------



## fingertips

heroin said:


> @*saillias: *See what I mean?
> 
> Damn them meddling DNA studies!


d... did you not read my post?


----------



## Perfectionist

OK, I haven't read the thread so if I'm interupting some sort of gender war, forgive me.

I think I will be single for quite a long while. I think I would be a good girlfriend. I'm nice and stuff. But I have trouble trusting people and the few guys I can see myself with have shown me that I don't really have the looks and intrigue to initially snag a man.

That said, it doesn't really bother me that often. I'm comfortable being single. I'm an independant person and will just do my own thing. On the rare instances I am nostalgic for a relationship, it's more the companionship I miss, which I can get from other areas of my life.


----------



## dasdasfdasfasdfsa

Perfectionist said:


> OK, I haven't read the thread so if I'm interupting some sort of gender war, forgive me.
> 
> I think I will be single for quite a long while. I think I would be a good girlfriend. I'm nice and stuff. But I have trouble trusting people and the few guys I can see myself with have shown me that I don't really have the looks and intrigue to initially snag a man.
> 
> That said, it doesn't really bother me that often. I'm comfortable being single. I'm an independant person and will just do my own thing. On the rare instances I am nostalgic for a relationship, it's more the companionship I miss, which I can get from other areas of my life.


wanna b my internet gurlfran? :afr


----------



## kelsomania

I don't see myself getting another boyfriend, tbh.


----------



## velvet1

I sort of see myself being single, I don't see myself with anyone and yes being 21 is quite young but haven't any luck finding anyone. Who knows maybe guys are not interested in truly knowing me and if they do they loose interest. Why, because I'm not the typical female and I'm mostly an introvert/loner. So its sort of odd/different so guys tend to overlook at me. I get stares from the opposite sex but that's about it.


----------



## Perfectionist

flyingspatula said:


> wanna b my internet gurlfran? :afr


Depends. What kind of internet car do you drive?


----------



## solasum

I'm not so sure I even want one. A lover, yes, but the idea of attaching myself when someone better could come along or when we change (and people inevitably do) and want to be apart but can't due to a contract. That's what exclusivity entails, anyway.


----------



## Georgina 22

Ages ago before I found my love I used to think as I have trouble talking to strangers and do not have any reallife friends (to like introduce me to guys etc) and I'm really shy around guys. I thought I'd find it impossible to have a boyfriend or keep him because of my SA.

I have now got a boyfriend even though it's a long distance relationship, still I love being with him and I get on with him really really well. 

But I don't see myself getting another bf, if anything happened to us. It was luck and inevitable how we turned out.


----------



## Karsten

Perfectionist said:


> Depends. What kind of internet car do you drive?


:teeth


----------



## Nathan18

Not in a million years.


----------



## Colhad75

I believe she is coming, I have written a note to the Universe. I have welcomed her into my life in expectance.


----------



## GunnyHighway




----------



## Ivan AG

Is KennethJones the long lost child of Herbert Spencer?

Cause when I read his posts it reads just like an essay from back in the day.

"Only the fittest will survive", "spreading their seed", "nature will weed you out".

I suggest reading about Social Darwinism's rise and downfall in this book and see how it is used as a reason to justify exploitation by capitalists.

http://www.amazon.com/Darwinism-Ame...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297861980&sr=1-1

Mr. Jones, on the other hand, seems to use this twisted theory as an excuse for not being in a relationship with a woman. He uses defeatist terms to describe himself as being "weeded out of the genetic pool".

When you see threads complaining about the amount of fatalism that goes on in this, you can refer back to his post and nod in agreement.


----------



## stranger25

KennethJones said:


> LOL If you are a man and don't have your stuff together then good luck because nature will find a way to weed you out.


That's what I'm afraid of. In fact, I think I'm already weeded out in some ways, seeing as I'm supposed to be approaching and having the provider role.


----------



## Karsten

Ivan AG said:


> Is KennethJones the long lost child of Herbert Spencer?
> 
> Cause when I read his posts it reads just like an essay from back in the day.
> 
> "Only the fittest will survive", "spreading their seed", "nature will weed you out".
> 
> I suggest reading about Social Darwinism's rise and downfall in this book and see how it is used as a reason to justify exploitation by capitalists.
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Darwinism-Ame...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297861980&sr=1-1
> 
> Mr. Jones, on the other hand, seems to use this twisted theory as an excuse for not being in a relationship with a woman. He uses defeatist terms to describe himself as being "weeded out of the genetic pool".
> 
> When you see threads complaining about the amount of fatalism that goes on in this, you can refer back to his post and nod in agreement.


'Something is happening here, but you don't know what it is,
Do you, Mr. Jones?'


----------



## saillias

heroin said:


> @*saillias: *See what I mean?
> 
> Damn them meddling DNA studies!


I don't really know what you're talking about.

In my previous post I was just showing how primate studies and some visible human sexual characteristics (sexual dimorphism, which means the males are bigger than the females) already shows the difference between the potential for sexual success in each gender.

I don't mean to say that your DNA study was useless, it just confirms what is already apparent, IMO.

Genghis Khan is another good example... Gene studies suggest that one male individual, from the time that we know that Genghis Khan was alive, is the ancestor of something like 40-60% of modern Asians, with the highest number of those descendants coming from Mongolia. Clearly that one man was him, and it goes to show as an extreme example the difference in sexual potential.

I'm not trying to condone the self-pity attitude of "I will never have a GF because my genes have been filtered out!" that some guys are trying to perpetuate, though. Modern society cannot be simplified to a study of primates or genes. If you want to think that, go ahead, you can be forever alone, it just means a larger selection for myself.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

You know, I have no idea. Whatever the Norns have in store for me, whatever has been woven and whatever my fate decrees. No point fighting the inexorable.

Should things only ever happen naturally? I am still skeptical with social anxiety and my personality; I mean, it's not as though I fit in most places anyway.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker

Normally, no. Chronically single. Met mine here.


----------



## The Ones

_*the belief systems holding you back are literally doing just that, holding you back.*_

That is just such a great quote that I felt the need to emphasize it. It's so simple, yet SOOO true!


----------



## d93

Not really.. no.


----------



## gooeygumdrops

Probably not if someone just works all day and then stays home every evening and on the weekends. You really gotta put yourself out there and make an effort to find someone. It's tough, but it's like what they said in one of Jackie chan's best movies (rumble in the bronx) where this one guy said "No risk, no reward"


----------



## girlinwinter

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


I seem to be incompatible with more people than most - so I do relate to the feeling that everyone else 'takes for granted' that its something that happens in life.

Having said that, every now and again someone comes along who wants a relationship (of one kind or another with me), it just never seems to be someone who I want a relationship with (tried lowering my standards - that just felt fake and miserable, I didn't feel like I was in a real relationship, especially as I saw other couples who were in love and that made me feel even more pathetic).

I've come to realise though that putting in effort - i.e. forcing myself to go out and socialise, putting myself in uncomfortable situations - _really isn't worth it as it doesn't seem to pay off!_ Which goes against all the adivce that many people seem to throw around, but it's what I feel right now.

I need to feel comfortable. If I can ever find someone who I feel comfortable around, and who wants to be in a relationship with me, then a relationship is a possibility, I guess.

I don't think it's something we can control or make happen. We can't make someone like us, and we can't make ourselves find someone we like. We can try to do things that incorporate opportunities to meet people, but we shouldn't have to sacrifice too much to do this. Blaming ourselves is not helpful.

It would be nice if there wasn't so much judgement on people who are single (even those 'chonrically' single), but its hard to ignore the expectations culture puts on us.


----------



## UNity7

Yeah absolutely. I have before and unfortunately I slightly backslid recently into nice guy territory so I'm working to rectify that problem.


----------



## Ivan AG

UNity7 said:


> Yeah absolutely. I have before and unfortunately I slightly backslid recently into nice guy territory so I'm working to rectify that problem.


I think most of the conflict regarding this topic stems from a lack of clearly defined terms.

What do you define as a stereotypical nice guy?

Being a doormat?

Placing others before him?

This should clear up what we're discussing.


----------



## AK32

Yes, I'm not sure when but yes.


----------



## UNity7

Ivan AG said:


> I think most of the conflict regarding this topic stems from a lack of clearly defined terms.
> 
> What do you define as a stereotypical nice guy?
> 
> Being a doormat?
> 
> Placing others before him?
> 
> This should clear up what we're discussing.


Doing nice things. For example, I was in class and one of my classmates had a package to take to one of the Graduate students who I am doing research with. When that class ended was the time of the day I headed over to the laboratory to work on the research. I stupidly offered to take the package for her since I was going over there anyway. Not that I have a vested interest in this person but it hit me immediately afterwards "wow that was a ****ing mistake"

Is offering to do something that logistically make sense being a doormat? No. Is it a reasonable, common sense thing to do? Yes. After all 5 minutes later I was going to be there and she was talking about how delivering the package was going to make her late to her next class. Needless to say the next time I saw her she started talking to me as if I was her friend* "you're so nice! etc"

*friendzone friend, not a real friend

Did such a simple act completely mutilate my chances with this person? I don't know, she hasn't used the direct language to indicate that I have been friendzoned, but I can sense it and even though I have only minimal interest in her; and being friends* is entirely different than having a female who is a real friend, and those I have several of. However I can say that this certainly did not help.

*friendzone friend


----------



## Ivan AG

What if the girl asked you to carry the package for her?

Just refuse her and remain a "badboy"?


----------



## UNity7

Ivan AG said:


> What if the girl asked you to carry the package for her?
> 
> Just refuse her and remain a "badboy"?


I never never made such a statement, so don't infer that was an implication or attempt to put words in my mouth. The error there was my own doing, not hers.


----------



## Ivan AG

UNity7 said:


> I never never made such a statement, so don't infer that was an implication or attempt to put words in my mouth. The error there was my own doing, not hers.


Refusing to answer my question?

Why?

What would happen if someone was to ask you for such a favor?


----------



## UNity7

Ivan AG said:


> Refusing to answer my question?
> 
> Why?
> 
> What would happen if someone was to ask you for such a favor?


I answered your question. I made my answer clear by refuting your assertion that I made an implication that in this scenario it would be acceptable to refuse to do such a simple thing if asked, but volunteering to do so was the absolutely wrong move.

Nice try there.

Why do you think I should be nicer?


----------



## Ivan AG

I don't, but I'm curious what would be the right thing to do in such a situation?

If I'm asked to do someone a favor, would refusing be the best choice in order to avoid being seen as too nice?


----------



## UNity7

Ivan AG said:


> I don't, but I'm curious what would be the right thing to do in such a situation?
> 
> If I'm asked to do someone a favor, would refusing be the best choice in order to avoid being seen as too nice?


Obviously a one time thing is always ok, no one ever said otherwise. Volunteering for it on my part showed an extraordinary lack of judgement. It also made me realize I was slipping back into nice guy territory.


----------



## BetaBoy90

Yep, it's in the process of happening, I ordered her last week.


----------



## anomalous

UNity7 said:


> Doing nice things. For example, I was in class and one of my classmates had a package to take to one of the Graduate students who I am doing research with. When that class ended was the time of the day I headed over to the laboratory to work on the research. I stupidly offered to take the package for her since I was going over there anyway. Not that I have a vested interest in this person but it hit me immediately afterwards "wow that was a ****ing mistake"
> 
> Is offering to do something that logistically make sense being a doormat? No. Is it a reasonable, common sense thing to do? Yes. After all 5 minutes later I was going to be there and she was talking about how delivering the package was going to make her late to her next class. Needless to say the next time I saw her she started talking to me as if I was her friend* "you're so nice! etc"
> 
> *friendzone friend, not a real friend
> 
> Did such a simple act completely mutilate my chances with this person? I don't know, she hasn't used the direct language to indicate that I have been friendzoned, but I can sense it and even though I have only minimal interest in her; and being friends* is entirely different than having a female who is a real friend, and those I have several of. However I can say that this certainly did not help.
> 
> *friendzone friend


Brutally honest answer there. I really like how you highlight the counter intuitive nature of the whole thing; how something that seems more like common courtesy than being a so-called "doormat" can actually prove detrimental to your prospects.

Of course, you can't prove that your offer to take the package directly influenced this girl to view you as non-relationship material. But I strongly agree with you that there's a good chance it did, and that acting similarly towards a significant percentage of women will yield such a result.


----------



## heroin

anomalous said:


> Brutally honest answer there. I really like how you highlight the counter intuitive nature of the whole thing; how something that seems more like common courtesy than being a so-called "doormat" can actually prove detrimental to your prospects.
> 
> Of course, you can't prove that your offer to take the package directly influenced this girl to view you as non-relationship material. But I strongly agree with you that there's a good chance it did, and that acting similarly towards a significant percentage of women will yield such a result.


I'm not sure that's what "friendzoned" him. Though it might have. Maybe she just came up to speak as a friend after he offered to help her. Someone offering to help you -> someone being friendly -> potential friend.

Although I have read such bizarre stuff on here. There was a post where I read that asking the woman to decide what restaurant to go to on a dinner date is a turn-off. Apparently it shows indecisiveness. WTF? Decisiveness that matters is the kind where you choose to study a particular subject, when you choose schools, when you choose a career, stuff that decides how your life is likely to go, etc. Someone's unwillingness to suggest a suitable restaurant is nowhere near a display of indecisiveness.

I often ask other people where they want to go if I'm going out to dinner with them. That is just out of courtesy. I don't want them to have a bad time so I ask them where they'd like to go. And if someone is taking me out to dinner, I don't hog the menu and start ordering stuff. I pretty much just try something cheap and minimal because I don't want to cost them too much money. Apparently that looks like indecisive doormat-ish behaviour. I've seen a girl visibly turned off when I didn't act the big boss at the dinner table. Maybe I'm too courteous? Or maybe even *gasp* *too nice*!


----------



## RyanJ

I know what I would do in that situation. I would turn it around and ask her to hold MY package. There is zero chance of getting friend-zoned then.


----------



## silentcliche

Not anytime soon but that's mostly because I don't really try to get one.


----------



## General Specific

No I can't see it happening anytime soon. Many girls have shown an interest in me but soon ignore me once they discover how quiet and uninteresting I am compared to other guys.

I had a girlfriend back in 2008 and that relationship lasted a year. **** knows what she saw in me.


----------



## anomalous

RyanJ said:


> I know what I would do in that situation. I would turn it around and ask her to hold MY package. There is zero chance of getting friend-zoned then.


/thread


----------



## RyanJ

anomalous said:


> /thread


It was the only logical and intellectually honest conclusion. 

And it was not, btw, aimed at anyone in particular...just a product of a perverted mind...


----------



## percyblueraincoat

UNity7 said:


> Doing nice things. For example, I was in class and one of my classmates had a package to take to one of the Graduate students who I am doing research with. When that class ended was the time of the day I headed over to the laboratory to work on the research. I stupidly offered to take the package for her since I was going over there anyway. Not that I have a vested interest in this person but it hit me immediately afterwards "wow that was a ****ing mistake"
> 
> Is offering to do something that logistically make sense being a doormat? No. Is it a reasonable, common sense thing to do? Yes. After all 5 minutes later I was going to be there and she was talking about how delivering the package was going to make her late to her next class. Needless to say the next time I saw her she started talking to me as if I was her friend* "you're so nice! etc"
> 
> *friendzone friend, not a real friend
> 
> Did such a simple act completely mutilate my chances with this person? I don't know, she hasn't used the direct language to indicate that I have been friendzoned, but I can sense it and even though I have only minimal interest in her; and being friends* is entirely different than having a female who is a real friend, and those I have several of. However I can say that this certainly did not help.
> 
> *friendzone friend


*Did such a simple act completely mutilate my chances with this person? I don't know, she hasn't used the direct language to indicate that I have been friendzoned, but I can sense it and even though I have only minimal interest in her; and being friends* is entirely different than having a female who is a real friend, and those I have several of. However I can say that this certainly did not help.*

Okay, there's this place called the real world that doesn't conform exactly (if at all) to the pick up book you seem to think explains everything about interactions between men and women.

Being a good guy is not the same as being a doormat and being a complete tit to women is not the one and only true creed when it comes to creating, generating or being attractive. You have absolutely no idea what this person thinks or feels about you. All you are doing is interpreting her actions and reactions through the filter of a pick up book's ideas about the world, placing multiple meanings on the interaction that may not even be real and guessing beyond belief.

You can say that this certainly did not help? Crap. Utter twaddle. You are not God. You have no 100% idea of what did or did not help. There is ample opportunity for what you did to have been viewed by this person as being a good thing, even an attractive thing. But your view of the world and interactions won't let you even consider it to have possibly been like that.

Or is your hypothesis of nonsense really going to be: "nobody who has ever acted as a good guy towards women or done them the occasional good deed has ever got laid in the history of the universe"? If that's the leg your theory is standing on then the whole thing is going to collapse like a house of cards falling to the ground any second now.


----------



## percyblueraincoat

anomalous said:


> Brutally honest answer there. I really like how you highlight the counter intuitive nature of the whole thing; how something that seems more like common courtesy than being a so-called "doormat" can actually prove detrimental to your prospects.
> 
> Of course, you can't prove that your offer to take the package directly influenced this girl to view you as non-relationship material. .


Erm...step back a minute here. The guy thinks this girl "friendzoned him" and bases his opinion on some of the weakest evidence out there and (quite possibly because it would confirm you own view of the world to do so) you nod your head and say: "ah, yes, she friendzoned you and doesn't see you as relationship material".

With respect, lazy thinking. There's nowhere near enough evidence to show that this person has been viewed by the woman as "non relationship" material never mind that anything influenced her to have such a view.

*But I strongly agree with you that there's a good chance it did, and that acting similarly towards a significant percentage of women will yield such a result.*

Again, you do not know that this person is now viewed as "non relationship material" by the girl. That's the interpretation of events that the person has made. And you nod your head because you have similar belief systems. Fine. All dandy. But lazy thinking nonetheless. You start confusing beliefs for truths and facts. You do not know how this woman feels about this person. You are making guesses.

I do not mean to be harsh. We are all entitled to our belief systems. But making massive generalisations ontop of guesses ontop of guesses is not good thinking.


----------



## percyblueraincoat

heroin said:


> I'm not sure that's what "friendzoned" him. Though it might have. Maybe she just came up to speak as a friend after he offered to help her. Someone offering to help you -> someone being friendly -> potential friend.
> 
> Although I have read such bizarre stuff on here. There was a post where I read that asking the woman to decide what restaurant to go to on a dinner date is a turn-off. Apparently it shows indecisiveness. WTF? Decisiveness that matters is the kind where you choose to study a particular subject, when you choose schools, when you choose a career, stuff that decides how your life is likely to go, etc. Someone's unwillingness to suggest a suitable restaurant is nowhere near a display of indecisiveness.
> 
> I often ask other people where they want to go if I'm going out to dinner with them. That is just out of courtesy. I don't want them to have a bad time so I ask them where they'd like to go. And if someone is taking me out to dinner, I don't hog the menu and start ordering stuff. I pretty much just try something cheap and minimal because I don't want to cost them too much money. Apparently that looks like indecisive doormat-ish behaviour. I've seen a girl visibly turned off when I didn't act the big boss at the dinner table. Maybe I'm too courteous? Or maybe even *gasp* *too nice*!


*I'm not sure that's what "friendzoned" him. Though it might have. Maybe she just came up to speak as a friend after he offered to help her. Someone offering to help you -> someone being friendly -> potential friend.*

It is the opinion of the person involved that he has been friendzoned. It is not a proven fact of the universe. It's a guess. An interpretation made by someone. So talking about what did and not "friendzone" him when there's no evidence to confirm he has been is nonsense.


----------



## heroin

joinmartin said:


> It is the opinion of the person involved that he has been friendzoned. It is not a proven fact of the universe. It's a guess. An interpretation made by someone. So talking about what did and not "friendzone" him when there's no evidence to confirm he has been is nonsense.


I wasn't saying that he had been "friendzoned". I wasn't there. I am just going by what the poster said. And yes, I meant there was no evidence of any friendzoning. She may have just been friendly because the poster had been friendly to her earlier.


----------



## Rossy

At this moment in time I really can't be bothered getting into a relationship at all,I feel stronger on my own and I don't have any BS to deal with.


----------



## arpeggiator

(Warning: long self-hatred post).

I don't. I've never been in a relationship (or anything similar) and no girl have been interested in me. :yay 
So based in these facts, the main reasons are

Physical:
- Not good-looking.
- Strange body.
- Old-fashioned clothes.
- Ugly smile.
- Looking like a foreigner in my own country.
Consequence: I don't remember the last time a girl complimented me. oke

Behavior:
- Blank mind when she is talking to me.
- Weird body language.
- Little eye contact.
- The way I walk.
- My monotonous nasal voice.
- Avoidant tendencies, uncomfortable when people get closer.
Consequence: I don't look approachable. :|

Personality:
- Little sense of humor.
- Introvert.
- Insecure, always seeking validation.
- Coward, fear of trying new things.
- Not ambitious enough.
- Paranoid and depressive.
Consequence: No girl's type. :eyes

Social:
- Bad first impressions (misunderstood).
- Lack of conversation skills (especially in groups).
- Can't relate to most people.
- Unawareness of social protocols.
- Don't fit in. 
Consequence: Outcast. :lurk

Others:
- Weird taste in films and music (at least where I live) .
- Lack of life experiences.
Consequence: I'm boring. :yawn

That's all. Future doesn't seem very bright. :time


----------



## MoniqueS

Right now no, but I hope one day I will able.


----------



## Properties

Girls my age like to be treated like garbage and love to date jerks. Unfortunately I happen to respect and treat everyone kindly and humanly and I am no where near a jerk. Therefore I cannot see myself in a relationship right now.

Hopefully, one day I find a girl who enjoys being treated with respect and dignity....

-Properties.


----------



## ImHiding

You sound quite interesting & attractive! Don't sell yourself short!

You'll find someone :love

I've had several longterm relationships, but I can't see anyone wanting to be with me again. I just kind of started to see it as a waste of time because I'd always fall short & it'd never lead anywhere.


----------



## BetaBoy90

I have hope, got my radar tracking device aimed at one lady in particular.


----------



## Mister Mxyzptlk

I don't. I've never been in relationship because everyone hates my look and personality. I'm just a boring and directionless person, i don't have bright future and everyone finds me boring and unintelligent, i'm not interesting in the slightest to people, even my own sister often call me boring. I just don't think i will ever get a girlfriend, or wife for that matter. Just call me one of these people who are destined to be alone forever, and i think more or less i already accept that condition even though it's sometimes difficult to deal with that fact.


----------



## BrainError

.


----------



## Stilla

Maybe someday... you never know.


----------



## NikNak31

ImHiding said:


> You sound quite interesting & attractive! Don't sell yourself short!
> 
> You'll find someone :love
> 
> I've had several longterm relationships, but I can't see anyone wanting to be with me again. I just kind of started to see it as a waste of time because I'd always fall short & it'd never lead anywhere.


You look attractive, I would of thought many guys would be interested in getting to know you.


----------



## writingupastorm

One day I will be crazy enough to try another long term relationship. Until then I will survive on friendships and whatnot.


----------



## d93

Never had a girlfriend, or been kissed. Hell I've never even hugged a girl.. :/ I wouldn't say never. But for the foreseeable future..I wouldn't count on it.


----------



## KennethJones

arpeggiator said:


> (Warning: long self-hatred post).
> 
> I don't. I've never been in a relationship (or anything similar) and no girl have been interested in me. :yay
> So based in these facts, the main reasons are
> 
> Physical:
> - Not good-looking.
> - Strange body.
> - Old-fashioned clothes.
> - Ugly smile.
> - Looking like a foreigner in my own country.
> Consequence: I don't remember the last time a girl complimented me. oke
> 
> Behavior:
> - Blank mind when she is talking to me.
> - Weird body language.
> - Little eye contact.
> - The way I walk.
> - My monotonous nasal voice.
> - Avoidant tendencies, uncomfortable when people get closer.
> Consequence: I don't look approachable. :|
> 
> Personality:
> - Little sense of humor.
> - Introvert.
> - Insecure, always seeking validation.
> - Coward, fear of trying new things.
> - Not ambitious enough.
> - Paranoid and depressive.
> Consequence: No girl's type. :eyes
> 
> Social:
> - Bad first impressions (misunderstood).
> - Lack of conversation skills (especially in groups).
> - Can't relate to most people.
> - Unawareness of social protocols.
> - Don't fit in.
> Consequence: Outcast. :lurk
> 
> Others:
> - Weird taste in films and music (at least where I live) .
> - Lack of life experiences.
> Consequence: I'm boring. :yawn
> 
> That's all. Future doesn't seem very bright. :time


WOW. That is very bleak. And to add to your problems you are a man that is hard in itself because of the thousands of other men you have to compete with.

I could tell by reading your post that you have what i like to call a "lock" on your ability to engage other people which always results in people repelling away from you like opposite magnets. You can't adequately engage others because you lack the key to open up that door to human connection. Its almost as if your entire being is constructed to be isolated.

I can relate to this because i am in the same situation. I could have written your post myself.

I don't think there is little to be done about this problem. Hopefully time heals and you can come to some form of acceptance.

Keep your head up.


----------



## zebra00

i dont see myself getting one but you know what i honestly couldn't care less..i haven't had sex or kissed a girl in over 4 years and im pretty sure the last time i did touch a girl was the very LAST time but im happy do because i do other things to keep me happy i dont need a woman:teeth


----------



## trendyfool

I see myself getting a boyfriend eventually. If I wanted, I could probably have one right now, but that would involve settling haha, and the relationship would probably end up being unhealthy because I'm still pretty insecure and neurotic...but at some point I'll be well enough to have a healthy relationship--something I'm really looking forward too. I'm waiting for something and someone special.


----------



## Paragon

Who knows.


----------



## Aarmin

..I'm very quite _creepy_
..I'm ugly
..My smile is ugly - I think my grin is ugly too but maybe not
..I don't do anything anymore, other than errands and work
..oh, did I mention I'm ugly
..I lost my career

But I still wonder!?!?


----------



## beautifulsadness

I don't see myself ever finding a relationship. 
I'm inexperienced with dating, i've actually only ever had but 2-3 dates. I get very frustrated at this, but what can one do. Apparently i'm doing something wrong, sa, anyone? LOL.


----------



## AK32

I certinely hope so. I know it's what I want.


----------



## Fantas Eyes

I don't actually see myself getting a boyfriend, but I do have hope.


----------



## AussiePea

I struggle a lot with anxiety regarding dating and my insecurities are pretty out of control. I long for one but always retreat quickly when an opportunity arises simply out of the anxiety I experience even in the early stages.

So I hope so, but it will be a challenge. But I never backed down from a challenge..


----------



## Freebird

This has always been one area where I've felt pretty comfortable.


----------



## half jaw

I really hope so...but I keep losing hope. I have no ability to initiate conversation with females, so therefore I have pretty much no chance at getting a girlfriend


----------



## likeabirdwhoflew

Sooner or later yes, I know I will be in a loving relationship. You just have to remember that it is NEVER to late!


----------



## lanzman

gooeygumdrops said:


> Probably not if someone just works all day and then stays home every evening and on the weekends. You really gotta put yourself out there and make an effort to find someone. It's tough, but it's like what they said in one of Jackie chan's best movies (rumble in the bronx) where this one guy said "No risk, no reward"


I've took that risk many times, and all I got was a rash. At some point you feel like it's just time to give up when the chance of the reward is about the same as winning the lottery.


----------



## theseshackles

I'm on the fence between commitment and living out my fantasies :lol


----------



## Deathinmusic

I can't really see how it could happen. Maybe one day. But I can't see it.


----------



## Motionless Sway

I used to think that way until I had my first girlfriend at 24. It was a good relationship, lasted a good time, but since then, it's given me the confidence that maybe there are ladies out there that will like me for me as she did.

In case you're wondering, I used a dating site to find her. Made myself go on dates. Even though I was determined to go and date, my anxiety was obviously ridiculous, especially at first.

It can happen. Don't lose hope.


----------



## heroin

I replied 'No' earlier in the thread. I seem to have acquired one since then. But if it ends up not working out, the answer would remain 'No'.


----------



## bsd3355

I do, but I'm not sure it'll be someone I am infatuated with or not.


----------



## Diacetylmorphine

Maybe, some day.


----------



## percyblueraincoat

half jaw said:


> I really hope so...but I keep losing hope. I have no ability to initiate conversation with females, so therefore I have pretty much no chance at getting a girlfriend


Then you've got two options:

1) Get that ability you think you lack.

2) Break the assumption that this perceived limitation somehow holds you back and interact with and talk with girls anyway.

Which one do you want to go with?


----------



## MoniqueS

In some ways its hard to imagine but I want to be able to see it. I want to know whats it like to be in love, at least once.


----------



## Motionless Sway

MoniqueS said:


> In some ways its hard to imagine but I want to be able to see it. I want to know whats it like to be in love, at least once.


It's amazing; the things you do for someone you're in love with and the things someone who loves you will do for you. But being in love is different than simply getting a bg/gf. People often mistake love with infatuation.


----------



## Shooterrr

It is unlikely.


----------



## RUFB2327

I've had one gf in my life. It was back in high school when my anxiety was not as bad as it is today. Not even sure I would have called it anxiety back then. Anyway, the girl initiated everything, so it's not like I even made an effort to talk to her.

I don't see myself getting a gf again though, unfortunately. I just don't meet girls and girls are not attracted to me because of my acne scars. Even if I somehow manged to have some girl attracted to me, I don't think I could ask them out. If I somehow managed to do that, I'm sure she would lose interest quickly when she gets to know me.


----------



## Hot Chocolate

But I don't know where to find one.


----------



## Subwolf

I haven't had a girlfriend yet but I'm still optimistic I will someday. I definitely want to be in a relationship so I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone by confronting my severe social anxiety and my low self-esteem to make it happen.


----------



## Rossy

Nope.


----------



## rdrr

Of course I will find another gf again. When that time is, and who that person is, I don't know.


----------



## Subwolf

Rossy said:


> Nope.


----------



## JadedAm

No unfortunately.


----------



## tbyrfan

LOLLLLL no. I'm far too ugly, no guy ever has or will be attracted to me.


----------



## ChrissyQ

No


----------



## Rossy

Subwolf said:


>


Its true.


----------



## BobtheBest

I did it before and I can do it again.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Yes. But might be short-lived.


----------



## quietmusicman

I try staying as positive as possible. i haven't been in a relationship before but i know for a fact what is the right thing to do. i have kissed a girl so thats not the worry, and when i am comfortable and can flirt very well. just never ever give up, you never know what tomorrow brings


----------



## bsd3355

I feel like I got a pretty good handle on things now. The biggest problem was my own personal dilemmas in my head. I think it will happen very soon if I look for it.


----------



## lightsout

_see_ it? sure, all the time.

Know if it will actually happen? I have no idea


----------



## Shygirl427

No. It's hard for me to even imagine getting a guy to like me enough to want to be with me. When someone talks about their relationship and how long they've been together, I think "wow how do they do that". Get someone to like them for that long and not lose interest. It really amazes me. 

I think I've given up on the idea of finding a bf. But when i was younger i was certain that would have had plenty by now. I thought it would be easy to find someone. :/ Oh well, life has never turned out the way i planned. Heck! Waited this long why care now. In my mind I'm too old to start caring...lol. I am learning to come to grips with my inevitable old mate status.


----------



## Barette

Yes, I can see myself getting a boyfriend. Will it be anytime soon? Who knows. But it'll happen at some point.


----------



## huh

huh said:


> nope


Wow, look at that. I was wrong. Only now I'm trying to end it. Interesting how that changed.


----------



## offbyone

Yup, for the first time in a long while, too.


----------



## Catnap

I think that I will have a boyfriend again someday, I just don't know when or under what circumstances I might meet him or if I already met him and don't know it... 

But I'm pretty sure I won't have a boyfriend again while I'm 28, especially since there are only a couple months left 'til my birthday. I prophesize that I might have one when I'm 30. It's possible! Only the stars know...*Wiggles fingers*


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I think, I hope, I will get a girlfriend by the time I'm 35.


----------



## Meta14

No.


----------



## jsgt

The chances are slim, but theres still a possibility. 
Though, I dont put myself out there...so this will quite possibly keep me single for the rest of my life. :stu


----------



## keyla965

I cant imagine being in a relationship either. Im so use to being alone and i bet it would be hard to share my time physicaly and emotionally with another person.I just think that it would be really difficult having a bf for several reasons. first off i would always worry about impressing him and worrying all the time about a wide range of things like keeping the conversation flowing or making myself seem intresting when im really not becuse I HAVNT GONE THROUGH ANYTHING !! I spend all of my time at home doing nothing. Plus, most relationships in my age group dont really last long at all so i dont want to ****ing waste my time, energy and emotions on a relationship thats gunna burn out in two weeks or less.


----------



## Define Me

Rixy said:


> Honestly? Yes. About three times in the last year I could have had a chance at developing a relationship with about three different girls. Actually - four, but one of them was kind of a crazy situation. Problem? I didn't really like them. Now, you can call me picky and fussy, but what's the point if I'm not interested? I don't really have much experience in flirting or dating because I don't see the point unless I'm fully interested in the girl. This is a different mindset to guys from my social group, who chase after any girl with a pulse. If you guys think I have high expectations, feel free to let me know; I'm starting to find it slightly strange how rarely I have deep interests in girls. Then again, it could just be the social environment I'm in. _"FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT" "GET IN THERE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN"_ Um...no thanks -_-


This exactly!

I've had two solid chances at having a girlfriend by now. But my heart wasn't in it...........And again, two solid chances at losing my virginity by now.

I read this somewhere: Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.

And that's exactly my situation.

Well, I don't really know if I ever will have a gf, but chances are there, definitely.

I'm going to experiment though! 

I'll be having a six pack hopefully by this summer, and I want to see if girls really are superficial and if there are those '****s' out there that would just have sex with me for the mere fact of my perfect sculped body. If so, win win for me, and a lose lose for society in my opinion. Because that clarifies for me that the world is superficial and just lol!

So.....'Perhaps' is the right answer^^.


----------



## AnnaM

yeah.. but on the other hand, i'm a hopeless dreamer and it might not actually happen


----------



## Ashley1990

Me yeah many times....i know I can have a boyfriend in next two days..or may be right today..just a phone call..m serious ...but I dnt want to ...


----------



## DubnRun

Yeah but I feel like I will be too old once it happens, and that hurts alot. I dont know how I can be 30 and still be happy with a girl knowing I could have been at 20...Sounds sad but I just feel like ive missed out on life


----------



## mysterioussoul

maybe. i don't know. i'm 25 and have never done anything sexual with another person let alone being in a relationship.

i've come to the conclusion that i probably will not have a life partner and would live alone and at this stage i would be satisfied with lovers and great friends so therefore i won't be tie down and have freedom but also have sexual and intimate relationships. the best of both worlds. my desires might change in the future.


----------



## JupiterStarr

Ashley1990 said:


> Me yeah many times....i know I can have a boyfriend in next two days..or may be right today..just a phone call..m serious ...but I dnt want to ...


You're lucky. I wish I had choices.


----------



## arnie

tbyrfan said:


> LOLLLLL no. I'm far too ugly, no guy ever has or will be attracted to me.


If that's really you in your profile pic, then I can't understand what you're talking about. You have beautiful features. :yes


----------



## lanzman

given I haven't yet....very, very unlikely.


----------



## iamrob

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


I can. I'm about to turn 25 and I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. It's very depressing, especially when people ask why I don't have a girlfriend.


----------



## srschirm

WintersTale said:


> Yeah, but it's hard when you start pushing 30, and you still haven't experienced a first kiss.
> 
> You start wondering, "is it my looks? Is it my personality? How can I changeto attract women? Should I cut my hair? Should I grow a beard? *Should I get my butt in the gym and start working out like crazy?"
> *
> It also doesn't help that most women just don't get me. I am not a typical guy; I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I don't drive, I don't do illegal stuff, I believe in being moral, I read and listen to music for entertainment, I hate sports. Etc.
> 
> If I could meet a girl who I found even remotely attractive, who shared all of my interests and we had a connection, then I'd be a happy man. But it seems like I need to be someone I'm not, because the "current me" is not attractive to women.


This is one thing I recommend to anyone, for physical and mental reasons. You sound like me in a lot of ways. It's hard to date in our fair city without a car, I will say that. Are you so anxious that you can't drive? Do you hold a job?

And never say never. I think there is someone out there for everyone. When you say never it basically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.


----------



## falco

I agree with suggestion of exercising, it helps with self esteem. Currently I am average (lost ~20 pounds already), but would like to loose a bit more to look better than average shape.

Talking about myself, my main problem is looking way younger, most people guess that I am ~14-16 years old. I have never found a girl, which would send any signals of being attractive for me and although most people say that younger looks is a "gift", I don't want to wait until I will be 40 years old to finally look like 20+ and get a girlfriend :|


----------



## srschirm

falco said:


> I agree with suggestion of exercising, it helps with self esteem. Currently I am average (lost ~20 pounds already), but would like to loose a bit more to look better than average shape.
> 
> Talking about myself, my main problem is looking way younger, most people guess that I am ~14-16 years old. I have never found a girl, which would send any signals of being attractive for me and although most people say that younger looks is a "gift", I don't want to wait until I will be 40 years old to finally look like 20+ and get a girlfriend :|


Congratulations on the weight loss, that is awesome.

Most people think I look significantly younger as well. You sound just like me. I always say I'll appreciate it when I'm 40.


----------



## Syndacus

I've already seen myself with a girlfriend...though seeing myself going through marriage and getting married, that's a different image I can't grasp yet.


----------



## pineapplebun

DubnRun said:


> Yeah but I feel like I will be too old once it happens, and that hurts alot. I dont know how I can be 30 and still be happy with a girl knowing I could have been at 20...Sounds sad but I just feel like ive missed out on life


You have a choice every day and since you already feel like you've missed out on life and that if by the time it happens you will feel like you've missed out on way more, take a baby step outside of your comfort zone to prevent it from happening. It's easier said than done and I feel the same way and that is why I am here taking my baby steps. I feel like I have missed out on life too but I also realized that if I keep on regretting what I've missed, I will end up missing out on more...and maybe one day on my death bed, regretting it all. And lets say it doesn't happen till 30, by not being happy because you are focusing on your past, you are taking away from your present and the future with that girl and away from your own happiness. It's not productive at all...

To the original poster..Yes I do, in fact ATM I am in one and have been in 2 others but if for some reason this doesn't work out then I hope that a guy will have enough courage to approach me


----------



## drganon

I recently turned 23 and have never even kissed a girl or held ones hand. The odds of me ever getting a girlfriend decrease dramatically as each year goes by. Even if a girl does show interest me, I won't really know what to do since I'll have absolutely no experience whatsoever, so she'll end up ditching me anyway. In other words, I see myself dying alone and knowing my luck, I'm gonna live till 100, so I'll get to be extra pathetic.


----------



## Jcc859

Vip3r said:


> Probably not. I am always too clingy or else I will just push people away because of my fear of rejection. I feel like I never give people a chance to really know me and they get the impression I am untinterested or just a cold emotionless person.


Thats the same way I act.. Which sucks because I messed up a chance with a really nice guy


----------



## Blawnka

No way.


----------



## ConeKiller

I have had women come and go.....for the past year or so though I have just been doin my own thing and I kind of miss not having someone to spoon with oO


----------



## Aaron0

I really don't know, but at the moment it doesn't really concern me.
I think a lot of people need to be lest concerned with finding a bf/gf and more concerned with just enjoying life, doing what you love & improving yourself. Eventually with any luck you will find someone who is right for you.
For me it's just whether I will ever find someone who is right for me and just reminding myself that it isn't worth settling just so society can perceive me as being normal.


----------



## sanspants08

Absolutely. And she's going to leave me without telling me, after convincing me she's going to spend her life with me. It's happened five times; why stop the trend now?


----------



## Fear Goggles

I hope so, but I'm not worried about it for the moment. My main concern right now is battling my SA. I've come a long way and I have no intentions of stopping anytime soon.


----------



## Unexist

Not in the near future I don't at all, I want more than anything is just to be able to connect completely with someone though, and if that then turned into a relationship that would be more then perfect and my life would no loner be lacking at all. 

With that being said I am at peace with myself more and more every day, I'm not a desperate loner, I enjoy being alone, though having a special bond with someone would be something that would greatly increase how happy I am, which is all that I want in life, happiness.


----------



## srschirm

drganon said:


> I recently turned 23 and have never even kissed a girl or held ones hand. The odds of me ever getting a girlfriend decrease dramatically as each year goes by. Even if a girl does show interest me, I won't really know what to do since I'll have absolutely no experience whatsoever, so she'll end up ditching me anyway. In other words, I see myself dying alone and knowing my luck, I'm gonna live till 100, so I'll get to be extra pathetic.


Everyone has to start somewhere.


----------



## veron

No. Everyone I like is already taken.


----------



## srschirm

joinmartin said:


> Ouch.
> 
> But here's my question: how do you think you get experience?
> 
> Do you seriously imagine that most guys know what they are doing with girls? We might have some ideas and guesses and some people might end up being "naturals". But even the so called "naturals" have their funny stories where they messed up, some girl reacted oddly or something like that.
> 
> Experience doesn't hold the power here. Your willingness to trust yourself and give things a go does.
> 
> Going and doing something even if you don't have experience or don't really know what you're doing is a powerful expression of leadership and confidence. Both attractive qualities for a person to have and show.
> 
> Never mind the odds or the thoughts of unworthiness or thoughts that she might ditch you. She might. She might not. She might even sing you a song. We don't know.
> 
> But what we do know is not trusting yourself, not believing in yourself and not having faith in yourself to just have a go and see what happens is the only thing that can actually stop you.


Very true. No one is perfect, we've all had to learn these things at some point. We've all made mistakes, even me. :teeth


----------



## Joe

Changes will have to be made. That includes a reduction in my social anxiety and I don't think I could love someone who was constantly derating other people whn ive had problems of my own, which limits my options further. 

^ I doubt ill change dramatically though so its unlikely.


----------



## MidnightBlu

I have a boyfriend right now, but I don't consider myself lucky because I'm not sure if he'll want to propose to me.


----------



## VVinGalE

At this point nope not at all
I don't feel important enough to deserve anyone's love.

plus who would want a guy who's boring ,no dance skills, no experience [im 18 for godsake] , almost scared of kissing , >.< and plays female characters on mmorpgs. My bets absolutely zero


----------



## gmdrew

sanspants08 said:


> Absolutely. And she's going to leave me without telling me, after convincing me she's going to spend her life with me. It's happened five times; why stop the trend now?


I feel your pain!!! I know exacly what you mean.


----------



## mysterioussoul

maybe but at this time i would be happy with lovers. i would prefer it actually. i would be happy with 2-3 on rotation.


----------



## foe

veron said:


> No. Everyone I like is already taken.


Yeah, same with me. Every girl I'm interested in are already in a relationship.


----------



## AK32

I want a boyfriend so bad, especially this time of year. I just have a hard time talking to guys, it's worse with guys that I'm attracted to. I just freeze up and don't know what to say. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make this akwardness disappear.


----------



## SartoriTaurus

It's almost impossible for me to picture myself in a relationship with another person because I'm just so introverted. I've barely shown the few friends I have the real side of me and since we finished high school, I've barely been in touch with them. I shudder at the thought of sharing my personal history with another person. It's not that I'm rude or anything (most people often think introverts are rude and arrogant, which is NOT the case) I just don't want someone judging me and then when things are over between us, they'll still know those little details.


----------



## mezzoforte

I think I could easily find a boyfriend, but I want something that will last.


----------



## Freiheit

No because I'm too much of a recluse.


----------



## brothersport

viv said:


> Realistically, no. But I prefer to spend time in vivreality, where the grass is pink and there's hope for me.


Haha, this.


----------



## ratbag

I could right now, but it's not the right time.


----------



## Mal123

I know what you mean. I am 28 and I am still single.. I do wonder that at times too, but I know there a guy out there for me.. But right now I am single, it is harder to find a decent guy to date in today's world.. I would like to meet someone and be a christian.. I would like to be friends first with a guy then date.. My friends try to set me up, but I would like to find my own guy my own way.. So I do understand what your saying.. So don't feel bad.. 
I am here if you need to talk.. I would like to get to know all of you..


----------



## srschirm

Welcome to the board, mal! I'm sure it will happen for you eventually.


----------



## Ventura

I'm sorta dating someone now, so ya I can see having a boyfriend.


----------



## falco

Ventura said:


> I'm sorta dating someone now, so ya I can see having a boyfriend.


Congratulations, I hope it will work out for you


----------



## bstnbandit

*yes and no*

Im just to damn picky. Job, looks,family, I work very hard in life and expect my girl to as well. Seems like alot of girls I meet smoke to much grass, have crappy jobs, don't drive or still "talk" to there ex. Pssssh ill settle down with one eventually but whenever I meet the "right" girl I worry about screwing it up and always do but come on am I shallow if I want a decent looking girl? I feel like sometimes I need to lower my standards but can't lol. Its been three years single before that I was in 6a year that ended badly but im ready again for one. Im taking all the advice I can, building up some confidence and approaching next interesting girl I encounter. Wish me luck


----------



## srschirm

Ventura said:


> I'm sorta dating someone now, so ya I can see having a boyfriend.


Awww, who's the lucky guy?


----------



## estse

Haha no. I have no libido, so I'll just looking a a cuddle buddy rthat will not evr hapopeb.


----------



## Ckg2011

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


 Can I relate? Well you just discribed me.

I to am 29 and never progressed passed being kissed. I have only been on 2 dates ever in my life and both were disasters. I get so nervous around girls, I don't know what to say or do. I feel like if a girl was interested in me, that as soon as she seen that I still live with my parents, have a crappy low paying job and still a virgin.

She would just laugh and humiliate me, then completely reject me out right.


----------



## Intron09

Ckg2011 said:


> Can I relate? Well you just discribed me.
> 
> I to am 29 and never progressed passed being kissed. I have only been on 2 dates ever in my life and both were disasters. I get so nervous around girls, I don't know what to say or do. I feel like if a girl was interested in me, that as soon as she seen that I still live with my parents, have a crappy low paying job and still a virgin.
> 
> She would just laugh and humiliate me, then completely reject me out right.


I'm a little older, but being kissed (or kissing) is still something that I havent experienced.

Hopefully, I get better at talking to girls, and not have to think about topics ahead of time, and then try to sound spontaneous or clever.


----------



## EternallyRestless

I don't. I know people will say "Oh you're only 20, it will happen," but I honestly believe that it's just not meant to be for me. I'm trying to accept this and find other things to occupy my mind.


----------



## Zypherus

I don't because it's just so hard. I don't know anything about what women want and they always seem turned off by me.


----------



## 25ilucy

I will be dead before this happens.


----------



## CourtneyB

In short, yes. :yes


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

You know, I've taken a good look at myself, especially in the past two days when I "freaked out" over several threads.

And my problem is me. It's not that I can't get a girlfriend, it's that I shouldn't...until I fix whatever is wrong with me. I need to fix my self esteem, my confidence, and my body dismorphia before I start trying to get involved in someone else's life...because it is unfair to them if I'm not ready for it.

It doesn't matter how old I am. I just am not ready for a girlfriend. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but I certainly don't need to beat myself up over it, or anyone else.


----------



## BobtheBest

WintersTale said:


> You know, I've taken a good look at myself, especially in the past two days when I "freaked out" over several threads.
> 
> And my problem is me. It's not that I can't get a girlfriend, it's that I shouldn't...until I fix whatever is wrong with me. I need to fix my self esteem, my confidence, and my body dismorphia before I start trying to get involved in someone else's life...because it is unfair to them if I'm not ready for it.
> 
> It doesn't matter how old I am. I just am not ready for a girlfriend. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but I certainly don't need to beat myself up over it, or anyone else.


That's the way to go. Improve and set goals for yourself, and you'll be able to do whatever you want to accomplish.


----------



## FadeToOne

Zypherus said:


> I don't because it's just so hard. I don't know anything about what women want and they always seem turned off by me.


ditto


----------



## FadeToOne

sanspants08 said:


> Absolutely. And she's going to leave me without telling me, after convincing me she's going to spend her life with me. It's happened five times; why stop the trend now?


ditto X2

This is one thing I can't accept/get over it seems no matter what.


----------



## Jesushaswifeforme

I am going to have girlfriend soon


----------



## Witan

Saying "no" is too painful to contemplate, so I'll just say that I don't know. Although I like the idea, when I actually pick out a specific girl and think of what it would be like if she were my girlfriend, I recoil immediately and put my shields up. That doesn't exactly help in getting a relationship.

Eh, I guess anything is possible.


----------



## Evo

No :no


----------



## brothersport

nope, totally gave up on that a long time ago.


----------



## garycoleman

I saw my self never having a g/f.

but some how it worked out and I have one now. sometimes it just happens


----------



## x1ChelseaSmile1x

No, I don't think so. Not anytime soon anyway. Why? It's because I want...No, scratch that...I NEED a girl that is also my best friend. And, I have only a couple...Well, actually one girl that I'm good friends with....


----------



## Bunyip

Err, not really. But that's mostly because I can't take myself seriously as a person, rather than anything else.... I just can't really imagine it or believe someone would want to be with me, at all.


----------



## Loveless

I may be ugly, I may be a bit abrasive at times, i'm not always acting smart, and i can have the worst confidence. I have no, job, money, or car. I often am depressed. I also have Asperger's and just watch sports all day. And Family Guy/American Dad all night. In spite of this, I believe I will get a girlfriend. Why? Idk. Just a feeling


----------



## TryingMara

Not really. I'm so awkward and uncomfortable around people, there's nothing to draw someone in to want to get to know me better.


----------



## nonesovile

Caggee said:


> Err, not really. But that's mostly because I can't take myself seriously as a person, rather than anything else.... I just can't really imagine it or believe someone would want to be with me, at all.


Maybe you just need to find somebody with a good sense of humour? :/ it's better than being TOO serious about everything. Maybe you'll take things a little more seriously as you get older? you are still a teenager after all.


----------



## Isolated Silence

I have one word for my situation: FUBAR - Never going to happen for me, some of us aren’t meant to find love

Oh well maybe the next lifetime if there even is one…


FYI in case none of know's what FUBAR means google it i think you will be 
pleasantly surprised.


----------



## Nada

I don't care anymore, I simply given up.


----------



## lanzman

Would it count if she's inflatable?


----------



## Furious Ming

I try to give up and let go but a part of my brain just won't let me.


----------



## Double Indemnity

Yes.


----------



## TheSpeedmaster1861

Nope. I never have and never will. *****es be trifilin. 

Peace Out

Speedmaster


----------



## garycoleman

just curious, why are some of you in the Relationships sub forum if you gave up?


----------



## Raulz0r

At the moment I don't think I see myself having a girlfriend, but I still keep my hope for one day


----------



## Jr189

I know one day I will.


----------



## nefarious

Currently in a relationship. I suck at being in it, though.


----------



## AussiePea

I will some day for sure however it isn't high on my priority list at all.


----------



## Dissonance

Maybe if she washes 3 times a day.


----------



## fonz

No,don't see it happening. So it won't. If you don't think something will happen,it won't


----------



## Droidsteel

Yes, I dont think im so awful that any girl would never show intrest in me.

The hard part is meeting the girls who wouldent mind dating me


----------



## LittleBearBrah

In all actuality, no, I never see myself getting a girlfriend.


----------



## vanwa

in 5th grade i asked a boy out once and he said no.
ive tried the "dont look for it, and it will find you" or whatever, that also didnt work.

so at this point in my life, and feeling as unattractive as i am, i dont see myself ever finding a boyfriend.


----------



## avoidobot3000

I would like one--I have a lot of love to give and currently my cat is the only beneficiary--but I'm not going to meet many single ladies hanging around in my bedroom. I probably wont get one any time soon. I've had friends, but I've never actually asked a girl out. :afr


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

NO! unless I'll find a girl who's also a loner, and with severe social anxiety disorder. Hope it happens, it would be the weirdest couple ever..:clap


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I think there are more factors weighing against it now. I'm having more anxiety than ever, I'm whirling into new depressions and I spend a **** load of time at work or asleep. There's those things and also the feeling of not having much to give anyone. I can't be bothered going through the same things again, I'd rather die. With that said what happened last time made me feel certain feelings that would make me rather dying, so I suppose I'm going to take an indefinite break from the possibility.


----------



## sasforum

WintersTale said:


> I don't.
> 
> At this point, it's laughable. I have no experience, and even if I did, I'm so introverted that I wouldn't be able to share my life with anyone.
> 
> I even have trouble with friendships, although those are easier because I am not expected to "jump through hoops". However, it still is painful, knowing that I'll never experience something that everyone else takes for granted.
> 
> Can anyone relate?


In the near future I'd like to. Have confidence you'll cross paths with someone who can be your best friend and who you're physically attracted to. It just happens. When you're ready, you'll know. Put yourself out there. It's kindly uncomfortable for a lot of people, more than you think.


----------



## Wacky Wednesdays

I've been close but got scared of commitment and brushed them off. Hopefully I'll find someone compatible. I'm not too concerned to be honest. There are other things that keep me busy...


----------



## low

Not sure. I don't think so really. It's been some years now too. Maybe if I can finally get a job and move out of this poisonous environment and get some control in my life or I meet a real nerdy antisocial girl online but I don't hold my breath at this point.


----------



## Famous

Wow, long thread 
If I meet a blind girl, she might like me, but I'd never know coz I'm too shy to speak to her, so in answer to the thread, No, never... ever...


----------



## Asbel18

Hell yeah, in my dreams.


----------



## PickleNose

Nope.

I could spend a lot of time elaborating on why but the simple answer is that as nice as it would be to have someone around sometimes, I just like being by myself 90% of the time and the 10% of the time I would actually enjoy it wouldn't be worth it.

I suppose if I actually thought I could find someone who could deal with that and that they'd also understand and deal with all of my thousand or so other undesirable issues and problems, maybe. Most women wouldn't want me even if I wanted them.


----------



## Hadron92

I'm lucky, i suppose. I've never hit on a girl in my life and i now have my second girlfriend. my current one is too extroverted though. i thought that would be perfect, but i guess i was wrong. i don't feel too comfortable in this relationship. 

honestly, having a girlfriend is over-rated. :roll


----------



## UgShy

I do.


----------



## Witan

Hadron said:


> I'm lucky, i suppose. I've never hit on a girl in my life and i now have my second girlfriend.


IIRC, you're in the IDF, right? There are lots of women who are attracted to military men.


----------



## Hadron92

Witan said:


> IIRC, you're in the IDF, right? There are lots of women who are attracted to military men.


i doubt that's the case...i mean, my girlfriend is also in the army. and all of the people we know are in the army.

i think it's because we have a lot in common. like, she used to live in an English speaking country (Canada) like me. and a few other things.

as i said, i think i just got lucky.


----------



## Witan

Hadron said:


> as i said, i think i just got lucky.


Well in any case, congrats


----------



## mike285

I plan on finding a wife by first asking these questions.


----------



## hypestyle

...definitely wanting a girlfriend, and more anxious about it by the week.. i'll be more comfortable careerwise when I graduate college later this year.. and during classes everyone's in my same boat.. adult working students.. but so many people are married, or otherwise involved, and when it comes to the women I'm just not on their radar beyond being a classmate..


----------



## voodoochild16

For me, it is very hard to accept change. So to picture me having a girlfriend it is quite difficult, and I fear that change despite it being good. But as it is definitely something I want in the future, I will eventually be just forcing myself to adjust to that change if I like it or not. I have had the opportunity for many relationships, but like some people or most people I have standards.


----------



## march_hare

I genuinely thought I would be alone forever and end up a crazy cat lady who'd never kissed before. But miraculously I recently did get a boyfriend. It's been about a month now... it actually hasn't sunk in yet. I still can't understand why anyone would be attracted to me :-S


----------



## Owl-99

Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

The only one who is standing against that is ....MEEEEEEE :mum


----------



## Secretly Pretentious

I don't ever see myself having a boyfriend. It's not like I've never had the opportunity before. I'm just too afraid of taking those opportunities. I'm very frustrated with myself about it.


----------



## erasercrumbs

Probably not. I don't think anyone could ever like someone as ugly as I am. :sigh

But that's why Raspberry Zingers were invented. Yum!










Comin' right atcha! FWOOSH!


----------



## Toppington

I realized (again) that I'd never be good for anyone anyway. I might be a nice guy on the surface, but I'm really just a selfish brat who has horrible jealousy issues. It'd never work unless she was willing to shut everyone but me out or constantly reassure me. That wouldn't end well and I wouldn't want a person to do that for me in the first place. I'd feel awful and definitely be way more trouble than I'm worth. And I'm not worth much. Whatever, I guess. Relationships can't be everything in life... Right? I'm pretty damn ugly anyway, so the chances of someone even approaching me are nonexistent.


----------



## Invisigirl




----------



## Invisigirl

erasercrumbs said:


> probably not. I don't think anyone could ever like anyone as ugly as i am. :sigh
> 
> but that's why raspberry zingers were invented. Yum!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> comin' right atcha! Fwoosh!


O___O I want one.


----------



## Corvus Cowl

I have always imagined myself with a girlfriend..... But I can never see their face. Dreams too. I like to keep imagining, but until I can get to the wizard and pester him for some courage, I don't think my imagination will become a reality.


----------



## NoName99

Yes, I do. I think it's possible. But recently I've been wondering if it's worth the (huge) effort I'd have to put in, in order to find one. There are too many obstacles to overcome.


----------



## Droidsteel

Hats off to everyone who has never been in a relationship. You are without a basic human need and doing great


----------



## erasercrumbs

Invisigirl said:


> O___O I want one.


Have you ever had one before? Or would that be the first time?


----------



## Isolated Silence

Not in this lifetime, It’ll never happen. I’ve missed out on so much…… I'm too Mute/Shy/Emotionally damaged.


----------



## Class

Maybe. I don't see anyone coming anytime soon, though.


----------



## mezzoforte

Class said:


> Maybe. I don't see anyone coming anytime soon, though.


Yeah, same. Hopefully in the next few years or so, I'll find someone. I think it's best that I'm alone for now though.


----------



## applesauce5482

Possibly. I'll see how things go


----------



## Dissonance

Not really...it's weird it's not because of my looks or anything but I'm just too laid back and don't give a damn. I guess if the person turns out to be alright, then yes.


----------



## Kevin001

I hope so but I doubt it. So many things to work on.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman

I was always at peace with the fact that I will never have a girlfriend. I just thought I would never be special to anyone in that way, but this year I can say to myself I was wrong and I found someone. 

Just always improve your thinking, do things that make you forget about your problems - treat yourself well, improve your situation, and be content. This will ensure that you still feel like yourself, but in a better shape than before. Be ambitious about yourself. Accept that you will have bad days, but don't pity yourself for long anymore. Just keep moving. You will feel generally happier, and other people will feel you are attractive. And life doesn't stop there, just keep balancing your life no matter how unpredictable life is


----------



## Cashel

Yes.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

Nope. But I will give it an earnest chance, with no expectations of anything but pain, just so that no one can accuse me of not trying.


----------



## Omgblood

No


----------



## Orbiter

No.
I don't want to change for anybody, because humans are pieces of **** who treat you like ****, for even the slightest ****.
You know what I'm saying?


----------



## bluecrime

Nope. I'm not changing for anyone, and women sure aren't going to (and nor do I want them to) change for me.


----------



## Findedeux

I think it will happen for me.

I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.

Getting older has definitely made me realize I need to jump into social situations more often.

I am going to start going to more meetups.

Hopefully I will be a very different person in another year.


----------



## My Hearse

Nope.


----------



## Akuba

Being social and maintaining friendships are challenging to me. Also some girls at my college are stuck up.

Not impossible for me to get a girlfriend, just difficult.


----------



## Crisigv

I thought it would never happen, but I did. He's from here. But, keeping a boyfriend is a whole other story. I doubt I would ever find anyone again. Not that I would go looking anyways.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

Crisigv said:


> I thought it would never happen, but I did. He's from here. But, keeping a boyfriend is a whole other story. I doubt I would ever find anyone again. Not that I would go looking anyways.


 Congrats. :smile2:


----------



## Crisigv

WillYouStopDave said:


> Congrats. :smile2:


Not so much anymore, but thanks.


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

Yes, in a culture that also values introverts, not only extroverts.

I think that culture would be Japan, Denmark, Finland or Norway.


----------



## xxDark Horse

I think someday I will. I mean i'm still 20, a lot can happen in 10 years. 

In the near future like say a year from now? Probably not...

Honestly, right now i'm at a stage in my life where i'm trying to figure stuff out. I'm definitely past the kid stage now but i'm not quite a full-fledged adult. I'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do for a living. 



Like i'm definitely a late late bloomer when it comes to women and relationships and all that stuff. I probably won't have my first girlfriend till i'm in my early to mid 20s maybe even late 20s. My SA around women and other issues I got makes it hard to attract the opposite sex. 

I'm not actively trying to pursue a relationship either simply because I don't want to waste a bunch of time trying to use Tinder and go on a bunch of first dates with women I don't even know probably only to get rejected because my social skills are absolute ****. 

If I meet a girl, great. But at this point in my life, it would take somebody different for me to even realistically stand a chance. I'm not in school anymore so I don't meet a lot of girls. If I was in college and lived in a college dorm, i'd probably meet girls but that's not the case. =[



I'm not a terrible guy, I was just born different.


----------



## chefdave

Not really no. I don't see myself getting a girlfriend tomorrow or next week and those days and weeks eventually add up. I've been single for years now. 

"Seeing yourself" with someone is a psychological battle I've never overcome. Its just not an option as I know it will cause far more problems than it solves.


----------



## Fangirl96

No. I can barely share house with my mum, so how the hell could i share a home with a stranger? I'm too complicated. Every guy wants an adventurous, fun, confident girlfriend. I'm neither of those things. I wouldn't have the energy, mentally or physically, to maintain a boyfriend. So...no, there's no way. I've survived 19 years on my own without even a kindergarten romance, so i think i can manage a few more decades.


----------



## Mr Blues

Not a chance, ever. Unless I settle, which I won't.


----------



## AffinityWing

No, I'm not surprised I'll still be here 10+ years later, venting about still being single and a virgin. Then I guess I'll at least be able to join everyone else venting about that.


----------



## MCHB

I've had a few (like two, lol) Do I see it happening again? Not likely; if something happens it happens, but if it doesn't, well it doesn't really bother me; I honestly don't even think about it anymore, lol.


----------



## ravens

I really doubt it. I've never tried getting a girlfriend and who would want somebody at my age who has no relationship experience.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Fangirl96 said:


> No. I can barely share house with my mum, so how the hell could i share a home with a stranger? I'm too complicated. Every guy wants an adventurous, fun, confident girlfriend. I'm neither of those things. I wouldn't have the energy, mentally or physically, to maintain a boyfriend. So...no, there's no way. I've survived 19 years on my own without even a kindergarten romance, so i think i can manage a few more decades.


Not every guy. Some guys like girls who are more quiet. Don't sell yourself short, there's a guy out there for whatever personality type you have.

You can never really know what's in the future. Unless you have a time machine of course, that would be sweet.


----------



## coeur_brise

Sometimes I barely worry about finding a partner since it's low on my list of priorities (that I worry about). At the same time, maybe it's a delusion that I think there will always be someone in my life.. Hopeless romantic, there's no hope or realism since they're hopelessly in love. but even when not in love, there's always some sort of magic. Soo.. I'm not sure what I'm saying, but I don't worry too much about it and I'm glad it's that way. Even if I don't end up meeting anyone anytime soon or within years maybe, I'm ok with that.

edit: I'm worried now. but only because of a recent status change. I don't think I'll even entertain the idea until I've picked up the broken pieces of my heart/ego, which could take forever, who knows.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

If I keep dreaming about it then it should happen right?


----------



## Swanhild

It'll be a cold day in Hell before that happens.


----------

