# Do you feel friends avoid or make excuses to hang out with you?



## moloko (May 1, 2013)

To not hang out, I wanted to say.

I know a lot of you don't have many friends, which saddens me greatly, it really does. But even those who have few friends, do you ever feel or felt your friends don't want to be with you? Never said, but felt. Even when you're actually with them.

All my friends are all long time ones, like 10+ years. I've been unable to make new ones for various reasons, you can imagine which ones. So I'm talking about good friends, people who know me for many years and so know me fairly well. Recently I've been getting the feeling that they don't want to be with me. I've sent 4 sms to 4 different friends in the last few weeks and all ignored me except one. This is not a one time thing either. Happened more than once. This hurts me, because, despite of that, they're good friends like I said. Never the type of friend that hangs out every week, never had those, but nevertheless good ones. I've been trying to get closer to them, be more present (I went months before talking to them before for years, kind of a sucky friend, but they knew me like that, no harm done by that), but I'm not feeling welcomed. It's very sad...

Any of you went through similar situations? Did they eventually change?


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## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Since you don't hang out with them
every week then it may be they're just not close friends and maybe they feel you're more of an acquaintance or something. It could be they don't feel like they click with you? That's usually the reason people don't get closer, in my experience.


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## FunkyFedoras (Aug 30, 2013)

Actually, I think even if they know you like that, as you claim, it would still bother them that you'd go months without contact and still expect the same closeness.  at least, that has never worked for me. When I go months without contacting friends, better believe we're nearly not as close as before and no one really says it, but it does affect your friendship. And yea you've been friends a long time, still an odd situation in my opinion. And sorry about the situation, I have never got that feeling with friends, only people I met more recently/don't know that well.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

They are good friends in the sense that we've known each other for so many years and stayed in contact ever since, regularly or not. It's a strange situation that is hard for me to explain, but they are not casual friends at all. Friends do tend to drift apart and contact be made only after many months, but if one of them tries to talk they're usually there. The fact that I always initiated contact with months apart, means little in my opinion because when they talked to me, I always got back and most of the time accepted the invitations. They knew me as like that.

Maybe they just tolerate me, maybe we're not that good friends. It's a possibility, hard to accept, but could be. Or maybe they're into other friends right now. But not responding? I really don't understand what's going on.


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## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Is one of them possibly mad at you? This happened with one of my friends. Really pissed me off. My other friend told her some mildly insulting thing
that I said about her job (she's really sensitive so she takes every little thing so hard) and she ignored me for months, while this whole time I didn't even know I had done anything. I was really mad at both of them, mad at my one friend for betraying my trust like that and telling her stuff and mad at the ignorer for ignoring me and not just coming out and telling me wtf was wrong, instead of dragging it on for months and making me feel crappy. They're not the greatest friends, they have said things to me before indirectly to try to hurt my feelings, but obviously being super shy I haven't made any better ones. SA strikes again. Although they are good friends in the sense that they understand me and I can have fun with them, ( I've had very few friends like that)

Anyway point is maybe you said something that irked them? Are they better friends with each other than they are with you? I wish I knew the reason


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Some of them know each other, but don't hang out together. I've never belonged to groups, always was an outsider friend. Maybe I did say something, probably. But to all of them? Again, it was 3 out of 4 that didn't say something this time. I don't know, got to stop this from getting into my head. It's just that I miss being with them, so the days don't go by without me feeling their absence. If only I had something to occupy my mind with... I wish I knew the reason too Tinydancer20.  Thanks both of you.


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