# How does anyone with SA talk to a therapist in the first place?



## Sync (Jun 20, 2014)

I'd like to get some kind of psychological evaluation, but I'm not sure that's possible if I'm not a very open person. I don't know what's involved in getting an actual diagnosis, but I imagine you would have to talk in depth about your problems and personality. Unless they ask me a direct question, I don't know if I could bring myself to just volunteer that kind of information. I don't even know how I would answer a simple question like "Why are you here?".

So to the people here who have talked to a therapist, how were you able to talk enough to get something out of it?


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## GodIsLove (Oct 7, 2012)

Hi there, 
I get it. Having SA and automatically opening up about yourself can be quite difficult. I started going to therapy in seventh grade, it has been on and off since then. I am a Junior now and just recently started seeing a new therapist. Not to mention that SA is not my only problem in life right now. I tend to not have a problem with opening up to certain people right away. I feel kind of like an open book sometimes, it just comes natural to me. But for some people - like you - I understand that with SA, which I suffer from every day, to go in with someone whom you've never met... it can be nerve wracking. 
But, I highly recommend it! It is so worth it in the end, depending on the type of therapy and person you go to. Don't settle. If you meet a therapist and you think that person or type of therapy is not good for you personally - you are paying him or her, so please look for something that works! That's what I did. And I will not stop looking until I find something that works for me. So far I like this guy. He is both a certified psychotherapist and CBT. I like that he actually interacts with the conversation and gives assignments, has me pick goals to work on, as compared to just having someone to listen only to say "How do you feel about that?"..... You know what I mean?

I would suggest telling the therapist upfront what you just put in your post. That you feel you are coming there for the help you need, but at the same time you just don't feel comfortable opening up right away. Sometimes things take time. They can't force you. You are paying them! So - go for it- test the waters, I have been there myself. I will make an analogy: Some people immediately jump in to the swimming pool, while others "test the waters" to see how hot or cold it is, and they slowly make their way in. Either way, both people are reaching their destination. Make sense? So, I am telling you, the water is fine! 

Oh, and while sometimes I like to consider myself an open book, there are times where opening up is hard. But, through time, persistence, getting to know someone and knowing that even beyond their legal consent of keeping everything in confidence, that you feel trust, understanding, compassion, and caring in the relationship - everything will eventually fall into place.


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## wrongguy (Jan 22, 2015)

It never did much for me cuz I can't really talk openly. I pretty much just tried to say what I thought would be acceptable lol. So yeah no big emotional breakthroughs for me. Now I've turned to CBT and religion.


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## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

Them being a doctor or professional, I never really struggled openly talking about some of my problems. 

That being said, I'm never sure how much it helped. I guess it got me over some humps in life, but I still dwell on the same things I always have. I don't want to deter you, everyone is different. That's just my experience with all of it.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

By waiting until you're so depressed that the fear of another horrible sleepless night outweighs the fear of talking to a GP.


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## Kanzi (May 10, 2015)

Hi *Sync*! I totally agree with *GodIsLove*. If the therapist starts off your first session by asking you "Why are you here?", you can say "I believe I may have social anxiety disorder (or social phobia), and I am nervous about opening up to you." They should totally understand.

Therapists are trained to provide a safe, non-judgmental environment for you to address your personal issues. A good therapist will provide everything *GodIsLove* has mentioned: trust, understanding, compassion, and caring. Many will even give you what is called "unconditional positive regard", which is acceptance and support of you regardless of what you say or do. If after your first session you still feel seriously uncomfortable, then let your therapist know again that you are struggling with being open. If you feel after a few sessions that your therapist is not providing a non-judgmental environment, then dump the person and try another one! You deserve better!

During my first few sessions with my psychotherapist, I was asked a whole bunch of direct questions as part of an extensive evaluation. It took us three meetings to finish the assessment, but that's because the therapy is provided by a university, and university's tend to be very thorough in their health care assessments. The assessment with my psychiatrist, who is not affiliated with the university, took much less: only one day. But the assessment still consisted of questions that they made me feel at least somewhat safe answering.

In short, a competent clinical psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist will know how to deal with a client that may have social anxiety.

Good luck!


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## StoopGirl (Mar 30, 2015)

^In short, a competent clinical psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist will know how to deal with a client that may have social anxiety. (too lazy to Quote)

Even if they do that uncomfortable "why are you here" question, they would still Should be able to manage to get some clue even when you're not an exactly open book and make you feel comfortable while at it. If the question itself is not enough they should be able to get you to express it. And, if after the firsts sessions, you feel totally convinced its not what youre looking for in a therapist,etc, you are free to keep looking and ask them for some references and opinions. They wont hold a grudge against you for it. 

In my experience... Once I appointed with the uni's psychologist. She asked it. I didnt answered. That was it. You SHOULDNT FEEL THREATENED BY A MENTAL HEALTH CARE PROVIDER EVER. You're looking for someone to work through your issues with, so better be it someone trustful, and patient, and caring. 
My psychologist first asked me for my current situation, mostly chit chat but got to asked me basic stuff. Then got me evaluated (Rorschach test, etc) and then gave me her dx and ask me what I thought of it, told me what her following approach would be, how long would that take, then asked me if I was ok with that and that I had to think about it then tell her my decision and any ideas I had about it. Thats how I started.

As for the first appointment, You can ask them as much as you want to know as they can ask you. Be honest, thats for being open.


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## Caedmon (Dec 14, 2003)

If you want, you can sit in your chair for 50 minutes and stare at your hands and not say a word. That's not illegal, not harmful, you haven't set fire to the curtains, it's totally fine. You can say as much or as little as you damn well please. You can be as nervous as you want. 

You can clam up, say the "wrong" thing, feel closed off, cry, blush, shake, and get confused. That's okay. There are no rules, and no right/wrong way to proceed. I promise.  Although my guess is that it will be a better experience than you think, once you get settled.


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## wxfdswxc2 (Mar 27, 2015)

It's so much easier than it seems like it will be. Also, you're being your own worst enemy if the fear is keeping you from getting the help you know you need.

It's also true that you won't be judged if you stutter, choke or can't even talk. In every other life scenario you're at risk of being labeled a 'spazz', 'weird', or '(insert a better insult here)' if you 'F' up, but not when you're getting help. They expect you to do something stupid, they've seen worse, and at the end of the day, it's not nearly as stupid as you think.


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## Nibs (Jun 28, 2014)

For me, it's easy to talk to a therapist. I'm not hiding anything. My problem is my thoughts are so disorganized I often confuse the heck out of them. One minute they're like "aha!" and next minute they have a questionable look on their faces lol. I suck at explaining myself, so I often skip over major details that matter; and tend to reinsert them either later in the same session or the next few sessions. 

It's like trying to explain the plot of a movie from A --> Z. I just can't do it.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

All of us who undergo therapy have gone through this same concern at one point. I say go for therapy anyway even if it makes you uncomfortable. It may take you a while to warm up to the therapist (it took me at least 3 months). On the first session they usually don't go through anything specific because they want general background info. They may ask you generic questions regarding your health and would want some records from previous therapists and doctors you've seen. I used to be so nervous seeing my therapist that I would forget about what I wanted to talk about. I would walk into her office with a post-it note filled with the topics I wanted to cover with her. Now after 3 months I'm able to talk to her freely without having to think so much about what I'm going to say.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

TicklemeRingo said:


> By waiting until you're so depressed that the fear of another horrible sleepless night outweighs the fear of talking to a GP.


really neat motto


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

you gotta try, if you are too nervous at first you'll have experience at least


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## Sabreena (Feb 17, 2012)

It helps that you know you have social anxiety, so you could start your conversation from there. 

I admit that it makes me really, really uncomfortable to open up to new doctors/therapists. Especially before I started meds. I still feel strange talking to psych people I've worked with for months, because of the gap between how they perceive me and how I percieve myself. I've gotten better at it over the years, or perhaps I've just gotten more self-absorbed, thus making it easier for me to describe my life in great detail. I write a diary and am a natural ranter. I go over the same stories in my head many times, even without realizing it. Often I'll tell a story or line of thought aloud to someone I speak to a lot (like my sister), and two sentences into the story she'll say "You've said this before." Even though I have no recollection of doing so. 

So yeah. My way of thinking is naturally prone to condensing my life experiences into narratives. It's my fatal flaw. 

I think it helps to write things out before you see your doctor/therapist so that a) you remember what you wanted to say and b) so you'll have something to glance at during awkward lulls in the session.


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## Sabreena (Feb 17, 2012)

Oh, and one thing about diagnoses. Don't depend on the psychologist to give you a correct answer. Misdiagnosis is very common, and you know yourself infinitely better than someone who's known you for like an hour at a time for a short amount of time. So, for example, if you think SA should be your main focus but your psych keeps insisting "u r bipolar ~obviously~", speak UP and tell them. If they keep ignoring your opinion, you should switch therapists, if your insurance covers it.


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