# How many SA people had crappy families?



## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

This is really interesting, it’s not about bagging-out the fam. Psychologist’s believe that a lot of people had crappy childhoods but don’t know because we’re hard wired to be loyal to and connect with our family. So, how many of you had parents and families that you think might have contributed to your SA and other mental health issues??


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I didn't grow up in a broken or dysfunctional household. Nearly every physical essentials for living and growing up were provided for us. But emotional essentials were lacking. It was definitely one filled with consistent tension and hostility. And for the most part, we were brought up with fear-based parenting. Got much worse especially when I was around 8 or 9. 

Traits like my stubborn reluctance to ever seeking help when needed, reluctance to ask for favors, indecisiveness, never being firm with others, people pleasing I can probably say it's due to my home life. In terms of shaping my SA, I do think the fear-based parenting I think also is a big factor in making me an introvert since it shaped me to always associate socializing to be a job, a task because it is something that mostly makes me stressful and uncomfortable growing up. I also always hate being watched or be open to be observed when doing something. Likely because whenever I do, I always associate it with being criticized when doing so growing up. 

But outside of my home life then, I've always have a lot of negative experience and reinforcements at school and with friends in general that manifest and gradually strengthened my insecurity.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

The only thing that could have really prevented this mess is birth control.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

My parents were good. My sister was crappy, but from what I've heard that's true of most older sisters. My childhood was crappy, but I spent all day at school looking forward to getting home and going on the computer, it wasn't home that was the problem. Nor was school really the problem, to be honest -- I was the problem.



jojy1 said:


> Psychologist’s believe that a lot of people had crappy childhoods but don’t know because we’re hard wired to be loyal to and connect with our family.


Hard to buy that considering how many people I know who hate their families.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

They contributed mostly genetics. Even though my family's neurotic, dysfunctional, schizoid, and an emotional wasteland where getting any kind of support is basically impossible, it's not nearly as hostile and toxic to me as culture in general. Most of my trauma has come from outside of my family.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

Paul said:


> My parents were good. My sister was crappy, but from what I've heard that's true of most older sisters. My childhood was crappy, but I spent all day at school looking forward to getting home and going on the computer, it wasn't home that was the problem. Nor was school really the problem, to be honest -- I was the problem.
> 
> 
> 
> Hard to buy that considering how many people I know who hate their families.


I agree, it is hard to buy especially when I see so much dysfunction everywhere. But in saying that, I have one friend who genuinely does not (or perhaps does not want to believe) that her family is crap, she literally can’t remember the first 8 years of her life. I think it’s an example of fully fledged denial like psych’s mention maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

Blue Dino said:


> I didn't grow up in a broken or dysfunctional household. Nearly every physical essentials for living and growing up were provided for us. But emotional essentials were lacking. It was definitely one filled with consistent tension and hostility. And for the most part, we were brought up with fear-based parenting. Got much worse especially when I was around 8 or 9.
> 
> Traits like my stubborn reluctance to ever seeking help when needed, reluctance to ask for favors, indecisiveness, never being firm with others, people pleasing I can probably say it's due to my home life. In terms of shaping my SA, I do think the fear-based parenting I think also is a big factor in making me an introvert since it shaped me to always associate socializing to be a job, a task because it is something that mostly makes me stressful and uncomfortable growing up. I also always hate being watched or be open to be observed when doing something. Likely because whenever I do, I always associate it with being criticized when doing so growing up.
> 
> But outside of my home life then, I've always have a lot of negative experience and reinforcements at school and with friends in general that manifest and gradually strengthened my insecurity.


I have had very similar experiences, I think the dysfunction at home kinda set the stage for the rest of the bully’s, toxicity, dysfunction outside of home


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## FloridaGuy48 (Jun 30, 2014)

I had some bad genetics. Mental health issues on my moms side of the family. Alcoholics on my dads side. Does not make for a good genetic combination! On top of that I grew up in a toxic household. Parents fought all the time. 

So for me it was a bad combo of genetics and not the best of parenting to say the least


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

chrisinmd said:


> I had some bad genetics. Mental health issues on my moms side of the family. Alcoholics on my dads side. Does not make for a good genetic combination! On top of that I grew up in a toxic household. Parents fought all the time.
> 
> So for me it was a bad combo of genetics and not the best of parenting to say the least


Do you feel that those experiences with your parents have replayed with friends, society, partners etc??


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## FloridaGuy48 (Jun 30, 2014)

jojy1 said:


> Do you feel that those experiences with your parents have replayed with friends, society, partners etc??


Well yes I have ran into other abusive people as well. In school bullies. Toxic workplace bullies as well. So yea people are cruel in general


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## Known (May 9, 2021)

My family was loving and stable but think my relationship with my mum is a bit codependent which has led to anxiety for me


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## shyshisho (Apr 19, 2009)

My family has been pretty much the only good thing in my life.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I love my mom and dad, they are great people who did their best with me. It couldn't have been easy, considering I was not a normal kid. I remember when I was still a kid, one of my teachers practically yelled at my mother, because it was her opinion that I was shy and quiet because of my mother and father, which couldn't be further from the truth. People have terrified me from a young age, due to their behavior toward one another. That bothered me a lot though, it left my mother in tears and it made me feel like a huge burden on her.

We were raised in a different time though, so punishment usually resulted in being slapped across the bottom be it by large wooden spoon, belt, shoe, or hand. It was thought of at the time as the responsible thing for a parent to do, that and for educators to do as well. It is still touted by some as necessary although, personally, I think it is unnecessary, violent, and just cruel.

I can't fault them for that, they were a product of another era. They were not emotionally abusive, they both provided emotional support. We still have a good relationship to this day, I call them often and visit their house and they mine.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

zonebox said:


> I love my mom and dad, they are great people who did their best with me. It couldn't have been easy, considering I was not a normal kid. I remember when I was still a kid, one of my teachers practically yelled at my mother, because it was her opinion that I was shy and quiet because of my mother and father, which couldn't be further from the truth. People have terrified me from a young age, due to their behavior toward one another. That bothered me a lot though, it left my mother in tears and it made me feel like a huge burden on her.
> 
> We were raised in a different time though, so punishment usually resulted in being slapped across the bottom be it by large wooden spoon, belt, shoe, or hand. It was thought of at the time as the responsible thing for a parent to do, that and for educators to do as well. It is still touted by some as necessary although, personally, I think it is unnecessary, violent, and just cruel.
> 
> I can't fault them for that, they were a product of another era. They were not emotionally abusive, they both provided emotional support. We still have a good relationship to this day, I call them often and visit their house and they mine.


Why did you consider yourself not normal??


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

@jojy1 I was developmentally delayed, nonverbal, as well as had many quirky behaviors on top of being incredibly anxious around people.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

zonebox said:


> @jojy1 I was developmentally delayed, non verbal, as well as had many quirky behaviors on top of being incredibly anxious around people.


Thanks Zonebox ♥


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

Maybe not crappy but there was definitely emotional neglect and bullying. My parents didn’t really care or listen. A lot of hostility and ignorance which ultimately turned me off of people and socializing.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

I’ve read that neglect can damage the brain just as badly as trauma


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

One of my parents was a drug abusing narcissist but I’m not sure whether that contributed to my mental state. I really don’t know how i got to be like this; but I wasn’t born this way.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

Yeah one of my parents was a narcissist, it definitely left some scars


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## either/or (Apr 27, 2020)

I wouldn't say my family was "crappy" but my dad was very strict and believed in archaic notions of family hierarchy which of course meant he was the sole source of authority for the family as a whole. This caused a lot of conflict when I became a teenager and we didn't get along so well. This did contribute to my SA I think, but I wouldn't say it was the root cause or anything.


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## akt (Jun 21, 2011)

chrisinmd said:


> I had some bad genetics. Mental health issues on my moms side of the family. Alcoholics on my dads side. Does not make for a good genetic combination! On top of that I grew up in a toxic household. Parents fought all the time.
> 
> So for me it was a bad combo of genetics and not the best of parenting to say the least


same here.. although my dad had his alcohol under control once I was born and did take care of us. my mom's mental illness got worse as I older but now looking back it was always there. she was also a hoarder which got worse and probably played a part although I know she didn't know it at the time. In her mind one day I'll be able to use all this stuff. so my childhood was good, I guess lower middle-class. we had alot of cats (all fed and went to the vet when needed), which was nice because I feel it made me the animal lover I am today. I had some friends. 

what went wrong... I don't know seems once middle school hit, being shy and quiet I got picked on. I just never fit in from that point on.


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## Steelfox (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't know if my family was crappy or not but we had our fair share of issues like any other family I'm sure. My dad discourage any kind of talking about feeling and didn't believe mental illness was real. For my two brothers things were fine but for me like was hell. My family didn't understand that I was different so I was pretty mistreated. No one ever did anything to intentionally hurt me they would just lash out out of frustration when ever they had to interact with me. Eventually everyone in my family just stopped interacting with me.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

Steelfox said:


> I don't know if my family was crappy or not but we had our fair share of issues like any other family I'm sure. My dad discourage any kind of talking about feeling and didn't believe mental illness was real. For my two brothers things were fine but for me like was hell. My family didn't understand that I was different so I was pretty mistreated. No one ever did anything to intentionally hurt me they would just lash out out of frustration when ever they had to interact with me. Eventually everyone in my family just stopped interacting with me.


That sux Steelfox


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## FloridaGuy48 (Jun 30, 2014)

Mlt18 said:


> Maybe not crappy but there was definitely emotional neglect and bullying. My parents didn’t really care or listen. A lot of hostility and ignorance which ultimately turned me off of people and socializing.


Sorry you grew up in that situation.


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