# Do you guys truly want friends?



## dave2go

I know I do, just lack confidence and social skills. Do you feel lonely?


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## truant

Yes and yes. But nobody really wants someone like me for a friend so there isn't really anything I can do about it.


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## zonebox

I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk :lol


It is probably better that I don't have friends.


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## Persephone The Dread

I'm pretty bad at keeping in contact with people online, and I guess I don't want friends irl but it's more complicated than that there are a few things I don't feel comfortable opening up about with most people which sort of makes friendship impossible and pointless. Sometimes I've spoken to people a lot but we never really got close. Also I'm pretty robotic too in some ways. It's very easy for me to talk to people about stuff that interests me but I'm not very good at intimacy or small talk or the other stuff really just being a normal person in general lol.


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## CopadoMexicano

I crave connection and belonging but its good to have healthy friendships. I just wish it were easier then taking a calculus I II or III course at university.


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## alwaysrunning

The fact that you have to talk a lot really puts me off.


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## TheCourier1991

I quite honestly don't even want to live to be honest. Life's just a big war. Between countries and between people. It's just tiresome and the fact that I am at the bottom of any kind of totem pole makes it that much worse for me personally.


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## RelinquishedHell

Not anymore. People are nasty and awful towards people with issues like mine. I'm a mentally ill social beta, always have been and always will be and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Being around pretty much anyone other than my partner has become painful for me


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## andy1984

errrrrrrrr with actual people? not most people. my kind of people.


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## leaf in the wind

I like the idea of friends more than I actually want them. I think a better way to put it is, I want the right friends who also consider me the same way.


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## SplendidBob

Yes. I have one very good one. I need 3 or 4.

And a nice ladypartner for sexytimes and intimacy.


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## SilentLyric

yeah sure


if we can cuddle too that would be nice.


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## harrison

I used to have quite a few friends when I was younger. I think in many ways it's easier when you're young - you're life is less complicated. Once you get married and have kids things get a lot trickier and you just don't have as much time. Plus more things have happened to you - and to your friends.

I'd quite like a couple more people that are understanding of my mental health issues. That mainly just involves them liking me enough to put up with me - which one or two still do, but one here in Melbourne has no understanding of it at all - so I feel less inclined to talk to him.

Thank God I'm still friends with my wife. She doesn't really get all this either but why should she be expected to - she still likes me though so that's enough. We tolerate each other's nonsense.


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## Raies

I don't want friends, but I do feel lonely sometimes.

I'm quite frequently offered opportunities to make friends (coworkers, schoolmates, hobbies).
While I chat with them in the situation, I usually avoid any deeper contact with them (not exchanging phone numbers, no social media, not hanging with them outside the place I know them from).

That being said, I have some older friendships that I value to some degree.
As for making new ones, I feel like I don't connect well enough with people (what they're interested in, how they approach things, what they talk about etc).

I guess the benefit of friends can be being able to explore ideas from new perspectives.
Just that, with people being interested in different things...

Also, I would prefer having that without having to spend any extra time connecting.


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## Canadian Brotha

Sometimes I do but then I see all the drama & BS of other people’s lives & want nothing to do with it


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## donistired

Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.


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## dave2go

zonebox said:


> I can't really think of anything I would do with a friend, I haven't had one for over twenty years now and most of the things I would do in my twenties with friends involved partying. I'm not very witty, or a strong conversationalist so I would probably bore a lot of people, I guess it would be cool to play a few video games with.. ultimately though, I think if I had friends we would just resort to getting drunk :lol
> 
> It is probably better that I don't have friends.


Have you ever had a relationship where you dont have to get drunk and you feel like you are not boring the other person?


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## Omni-slash

I could be content in an abyss.


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## dave2go

Raies said:


> I don't want friends, but I do feel lonely sometimes.
> 
> I'm quite frequently offered opportunities to make friends (coworkers, schoolmates, hobbies).
> While I chat with them in the situation, I usually avoid any deeper contact with them (not exchanging phone numbers, no social media, not hanging with them outside the place I know them from).
> 
> That being said, I have some older friendships that I value to some degree.
> As for making new ones, I feel like I don't connect well enough with people (what they're interested in, how they approach things, what they talk about etc).
> 
> I guess the benefit of friends can be being able to explore ideas from new perspectives.
> Just that, with people being interested in different things...
> 
> Also, I would prefer having that without having to spend any extra time connecting.


Will you ever try hanging out with them outside?


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## dave2go

Omni-slash said:


> I could be content in an abyss.


Would you ever try reaching out to some in that abyss?


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## dave2go

Don said:


> Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.


Would you take a new friendship slowly then?


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## dave2go

truant said:


> Yes and yes. But nobody really wants someone like me for a friend so there isn't really anything I can do about it.


How do you know no one wants you for a friend? I understand maybe some people, but everyone?


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## zonebox

dave2go said:


> Have you ever had a relationship where you dont have to get drunk and you feel like you are not boring the other person?


When I was younger, I had a few friends but they never really lasted very long. We would tend to play dungeons and dragons, go out riding our bikes, and the such. My best friend as a child was a girl, and we would typically have little parties with our stuffed animals :lol

I am married, and don't need to be drunk around my wife, but it is different with relationships than it is with friends.

Answer me this, anyone is welcome to participate if they desire. If you had a friend, what would you do with them? What would the ideal friendship be like, and when you think of people who are friends what do you think they typically do together?

I'm drawing blanks, because I haven't a clue what friends do together once they are in adulthood. The only thing I would think of, involves a bit of booze and doing chores and favors for one another :lol


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## WillYouStopDave

My real life relationships with people have always been complicated. There are a lot of people I get along well with very casually and probably quite a few people who are interested in a lot of the stuff I'm interested in. But "friends" is deeper than that. It doesn't feel right to stop communicating with a friend for a month and then pick up like nothing happened. Or at least I always got the feeling they expected to hang out every day and just drop by unannounced and so forth. Like if they called and I didn't answer, they would keep calling over and over and over for days. How do you approach the subject diplomatically and say "You know Mike, I like hanging out but ummmmm......could you not do that?" I'm not good at turning people down. And I just need that. I need to breathe.


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## donistired

dave2go said:


> Don said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth. That, and I'm painfully awkward, anxious, feel socially exhausted very easily, and I don't enjoy conversation much partly because the things I just mentioned. My desire to avoid, my sensitivity to rejection, and my preference of solitude over trying to play people's social games is higher than my desire for friendship.
> 
> 
> 
> Would you take a new friendship slowly then?
Click to expand...

It would be hard for me, as I have not successfully integrated new people in my life since my childhood--I feel like I walk on egg shells with people, as though anything I say or do will cause me to lose them, and that sensation never really goes away for me.


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## melancholyscorpio

Of course. But it's hard to find friends that are loyal and supportive.

The one friend I have treats me as an option and have chosen others over me time and time again.

I feel resentment towards her.

I don't trust anyone.


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## truant

dave2go said:


> How do you know no one wants you for a friend? I understand maybe some people, but everyone?


Because people don't want to be seen in public with someone who looks like a middle-aged man in a dress. Not only would they be stigmatized with me, but it could be dangerous. The only people who might be okay with that are other people like myself, and in the 20 years I've lived here I've never seen anyone fitting that description.

I'm also very poor and mentally ill in ways that are probably visible to others and will probably be homeless in the near future. Nobody wants to deal with the kinds of problems that I have. Nor do I blame them. Most people seem to dislike me on sight. If they do have to interact with me, they seem eager to get rid of me. It's hard to make friends if people try to get away from you as fast as they can.


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## D'avjo

SplendidBob said:


> And a nice ladypartner for sexytimes and intimacy.


ahem

im still ****ing here mate you know, try and be sensitive


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## D'avjo

Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?


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## blue2

No, I don't think I do, not sure, I like the idea of friends, maybe under the right circumstance, but I hate feeling socially pressured or obligated. 

Trying to fit into the toxic masculinity culture that generally permeates doesn't do it for me.


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## Raies

dave2go said:


> Will you ever try hanging out with them outside?


Yes and no - I've gone to a few student events, as well as visited work-events (parties n such), and in hobbies I will take part in competitions which usually include some team stuff as well (usually team gatherings, group pictures etc - it's an individualistic sport, but your 'team' is the people you train with).

But I will keep them brief, and avoid many of them as well. Outside the context where I know the people from - no.
With the older friends I go out a couple times a year.

(But in general I don't really want to have 'friends' in that sense).


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## SplendidBob

D'avjo said:


> ahem
> 
> im still ****ing here mate you know, try and be sensitive


I may look for another special friend
for this I cannot begin to pretend
But D'avjo you be my sweetest love
For you I will always don my disposable glove

(for washing up, and stuff, ofc).



D'avjo said:


> Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?


It's never happened irl.

But I think so, at least, two shy people.


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## ExquisiteCorpse

No. I don't care about or need friends. If I meet someone and we hit it off, get along, can have a healthy and productive friendship and have similar interests, then cool. I highly doubt this is going to happen, though, especially where I live right now, and I'm waaay past the point of caring. I'm engaged so I'm no longer lonely, and I don't find it necessary to have friends. It might be healthy and beneficial in some way, but I honestly just don't care anymore lol.


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## James10145

*.*

I don't make an effort with new people to become friends but if we do it's cool but I don't waste energy


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## either/or

I have a few friends but we're not too close and don't really share the same interests. We hang out once in a while just because, I guess. When I was younger I had some really close friends and we all shared very similar interests, that was amazing. Don't think I'll ever experience that again. I would never want like a ton of friends and acquaintances, that would be too much work. Just maybe a couple of close ones. But I'm so avoidant and self-abasing I don't think that's possible.


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## either/or

D'avjo said:


> Can I ask a question as I havent had this form of anxiety, would a few socially anxious people be good, friendwise, for each other?


I think they would be, so long as they shares similar interests and were on the same wavelength. There are multiple factors that determine if people will be compatible friends or not. For the most part, the more similar they are the better friends they will probably be.


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## andy1984




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## IcedOver

I can honestly say that I don't. Socializing is too difficult for me and my feeling has been that I don't have a right to inflict myself on anybody and waste their time with someone as lame as me. I can't even run my own life properly, so how could I run a friendship or romantic relationship properly? That's why I keep people at arm's length - just professional but courteous and helpful as much as I can be, but I can only go so far.


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## PurplePeopleEater

Nope. Don't care at all. Friends are rare when you get older anyways and sounds too. difficult to keep a friend. I dont even know what having. a friend is like as an adult. I prefer online friends.


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## CeilingStarer

leaf in the wind said:


> I like the idea of friends more than I actually want them. I think a better way to put it is, I want the right friends who also consider me the same way.


I agree. Most of my friendships have faded because I've wanted the bond on my terms. People's terms rarely align with mine - eventually I feel suffocated and tend to withdraw.


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## D'avjo

SplendidBob said:


> I may look for another special friend
> for this I cannot begin to pretend
> But D'avjo you be my sweetest love
> For you I will always don my disposable glove
> 
> (for washing up, and stuff, ofc).


donning the glove had me worried for a bit then, glad you clarified what its for.


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## donistired

andy1984 said:


>


Well, f.


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## brianlee99

Yeah, I think I do. I guess the problem is that I'm not exactly prime friend material.

I don't try that hard these days to meet new people and keep in touch and stuff, but when I used to, I'd often be left on read, or be given some generic excuse like "I'm busy" if I asked someone to coffee. It got to the point where I was hurting too much from being rejected, so I stopped.

I have way too many problems that i need to work on though. Like, my self-esteem. Confidence. Mental health issues. It's all connected, obviously. I'm kind of a mess these days lmao


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## shouldeyefallbehind

I've been letdown too many times, from people. in the past. I spend most of my time alone and am quite happy to be that way. I only really need a few conversations a month. If I go to the beach or the Forrest, then I can go for months without talking to anyone and it doesn't bother me. 
I guess it would be good, but I just don't understand the need to constantly talk to other people and keep in touch with them. Nobody really wants the intense quiet loner around anyway. I tend to put people off.


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## firelight

Yes except as I am now it just leads to misery for us both. I want friendships like I used to have when I wasn't a broken mess.


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## Kionabee

I think I like the idea of having friends, But when the opportunity arises I usually back out. I donâ€™t know what to talk about with someone new without sounding.. I donâ€™t know, scripted? Like â€œHi whatâ€™s your name? Whatâ€™s your favorite color, what you like to do?â€ When most people meet it seems like they go straight into personal conversations like â€œyea my cousin just had her wedding last week and it was so beautiful blah blah blahâ€ I donâ€™t really do much so itâ€™s not like I can pull out random interesting things that Iâ€™ve done or went to. Or when someone talks to me about their self Iâ€™m not really sure how to respond other than oh really? Wow thatâ€™s crazy, etc. I never knew how girls can get so comfortable around their friends, it seriously boggles me. Like how do they get to that point? I would love to have that but itâ€™s just really hard. The loneliness really gets to me.


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## SparklingWater

Yes, and romantic relationships. Very recent happy development.


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## Paul

I think friends are the most important thing in life, and I've got some good online friends. Someone who I can see in person on a monthly basis is probably never going to happen, but would be nice.

Of course, that doesn't mean I want to be friends with most people.


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## IcedOver

I don't want friends. I have enough to do with dealing with my own crap without dealing with anybody else's. More importantly, I also don't want to inflict myself on anybody else.


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## Abnormal Thought Patterns

yes, i do. i want to know what it's like to have my company willingly sought after and accepted. i wish i didnt get lonely, but it doesn't matter if i feel lonely or not since i have no one in my life anyway lol. :c


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## Perkins

I really would like a friend to hang out with occasionally and you know, talk to. It's just a lot harder to make friends as an adult because they have much more responsibilities like work or being parents and they're likely married or in relationships. Whenever I meet someone I vibe well with it always seems/seemed like they have more than enough friends and therefore no room in their life for me, you know? After several years of being a loner I basically conditioned myself to be okay being friendless by looking for ways to entertain myself such as reading, watching stuff, listening to music, running errands, etc. I realize it sounds negative but that's the truth. The only people I ever hang out with are my mom, boyfriend, or his sister.


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## zkv

Undoubtedly. I doubt I'd make a good friend though, as I currently exist anyway. My brother's friends are cool with me when they're around, but I've never hung out with any of them one-on-one which I think is telling. We're different, so it makes sense.

I'd most likely be put off by someone like me's attitudes. So all I can do right now is work on being better on my own.


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## Myosr

As long as it's true and not fake friendship, yes.
I don't think most people would relate to my life in any meaningful way though, so it's not something I pursue because I don't think it's going to lead anywhere.


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## Cool Ice Dude55

I already have a few friends - I dont need anymore. gets complicated. i'm not even good with the ones i have.


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## donistired

I think the older I get, the more painfully aware that I really do want more friends.


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## Saeta

donistired said:


> Yes, but I have high expectations--I want full acceptance from the get-go and that's just not how people work. People build relationships in increments--fast friends are almost a myth


At least you'll admit that that's more reasonable, right? Imagine you were confident and sociable, but you just arrived in a new town and you're lonely. You take a chance on someone, you make serious commitments with them... and then, over the course of a few weeks you find out that he's super intolerant, selfish or does antisocial things. I suppose you want full acceptance because it hurts you when a relationship doesn't work or you're afraid you'll be criticized the moment you open up to them. Don't you think it would be easier to work on those feelings than placing unreasonable expectations on other people that they have no incentive to meet?


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## donistired

@Saeta you're not wrong, and I'm getting a little better actually since I made that post. It just may be a lifelong process of unlearning and small, deliberate painful steps for me.


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## RagnarLothbrok

I have friends I made at university and in my previous job but they're miles away since I moved. I only really keep in touch every month or so. I tend not to have any friend groups.

I'd like to meet new people where I live but that's probably not going to happen since government shutdowns will close the pubs and most social events have stopped. Trying to see my cousin (he lives 10 minutes from me) has been difficult since he's gone full hermit and is deathly scared of seeing anyone even outside.


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## shouldeyefallbehind

Most people I meet in real life I tend to want to strangle within the first few hours of meeting them. Poor people are mostly degenerate and dysfunctional. I prefer not to hang around them too much. Even though I am poor. I don't tend to have anything in common with normal people. And they tend to punish you for not being able to live up to their expectations. Yeah, more people to talk to would be nice. People who respect and understand my boundaries. People who try to understand me, instead of just punishing me for not being more like them. I guess that's why I am such a loner.


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## kesker

I ran with a group of friends when I was young. It's devastating not to have one now. Completely devastating to the point life seems empty and stupid. If I were mentally and emotionally healthy enough to have them now I'd have a shot at life. I don't feel optimistic as it is.


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## finolamartin1999

Yes of course


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## Fixxer

There's a lot of the time where I want to be on my own. I need that personal space. I can have friends, but it's difficult for me to invest myself a lot in these relationships. We get in touch occasionally, but I don't have a circle of friends or anyone I consider visiting. I had "fake" friends before, but since cleaning up the house, I'm on my own, but I breathe better...


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## Skeletra

I do. But as soon as people get too close to me I push them away.
I do have one best friend, but she lives far away and honestly I don’t want her in my house when she uses (meth and LSD mainly. Or maybe it’s more that I don’t want her on the road when she’s high. Weed is ok, but not in the house). We still talk, though not every day, or even every week. Sometimes we go months without talking. When we do see each other we make food, watch movies and talk about stupid ****. It’s always casual. Oh, you drove here in your pajamas? That’s cool. Haven’t brushed your hair for 2 months? Cool, me neither. Had a mental breakdown the other day! Me too! It feels safe. I don’t think I can get that with other people. I wish I could though.


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## SilentRider

I think i want friends mostly to feel normal and because my family worries about it and keeps telling me about it, but i also haven't actually done much if anything to get friends.

I can talk to people outside if they approach me or i need something, and i can talk to clerks, i have been forced to small talk before and done it, but there is no group nearby that really interests me, i am not much of a bar/club guy at all and...social skydiving just seems like a way of annoying people.

And that is if i even remember to ask for contact info and if i then don't forget or start avoiding them like a jerk.


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## bjw0111

I see the thread is a couple months ago but here goes...

First: Yes, of course. If I didn't want friends, or care about having them, I don't think I'd really view social anxiety as being a problem. But there's a deep sense of hurt and shame in seeing virtually everyone I meet take an instant disliking to me. And in knowing that this happens because of my own behavior, or vibe, or energy, or whatever...but not really having the skills or know-how to change it.

Second: I _do_ think I've nearly closed myself off to the possibility of having friends, or of having people like me. Honestly, the thought of it feels utterly foreign at this point. I've mentally resigned myself to the way things are, at least for now. One day, I will make a real effort to get help, because it's clear by now that I'll never think my way out of this, or be able to fix it on my own.

Third and last: I shouldn't complain _too_ much, as I don't have it as bad as some others. I have a wife, and kids, who care about me. I'm functional enough to hold down a career that pays well, and that I like well enough. And I do have a couple of long-time friends who I still keep in frequent contact with, mostly via text. They live far away, so I only see them in person maybe once every 1-2 years. That said, it'd just be nice to find 1 or 2 people closer by who I could hang out with in person on a more regular basis. It'd mean a lot.


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## irishkarl

have you ever thought of joining a mental health club....these are places where mentally ill people can go to participate in activities likr art creative writing, health management or group therapy to name but a few or else you can just have a coffee.....these places are good to meet likeminded people who have been through it

having social anxiety would qualify you for membership, but if not just say you have depression as well


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## staticradio725

irishkarl said:


> have you ever thought of joining a mental health club....these are places where mentally ill people can go to participate in activities likr art creative writing, health management or group therapy to name but a few or else you can just have a coffee.....these places are good to meet likeminded people who have been through it
> 
> having social anxiety would qualify you for membership, but if not just say you have depression as well


This is obviously a fantastic idea, but, correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like things like this typically only exist in big cities or heavily populated areas. I live in a very rural environment, and I've been searching for something like this for months to no avail. And, of course, even if something like that did exist, it wouldn't right now, because COVID. Yay COVID!
Honestly, I'm a quality over quantity person. I have two best friends who aren't related to me (and a handful that are), and that's about all I can handle most days. I'd rather have that than a whole bunch of friends I didn't know all that well or feel comfortable around.


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## Caduceus

I would like to have a small group of close-knit friends. I would like some people to interact with outside of my immediate family, but I find keeping in touch with a wide range of people to be mentally exhausting.


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## Persephone The Dread

I'm better at getting people to dislike me.


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## SilentLyric

I don't know. 



I think I crave physical needs and mate needs more. 



but then again I always question what I want.


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## Blue Dino

Seems pointless at this point, given how I just simply lack the personal context as a person overall for anyone to want to stay interested in me past the acquaintance phase. I've been saying this like a broken record for the past many years. Only difference is, now I am more content with this. Pretty much at a point of no return in terms of any new friendships now.


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## Tymes Rhymes

Hmm thought I had already replied to this thread but I guess not.

Some days yes.... some days no.

Yesterday, I did an entire thread about why I can't form relationships and why no one talks to me. Today, I don't really care. Most days as of late I don't really care but I still get those thoughts every once in a while wondering why I'm so socially inept.

My opinion on the matter can sometimes change on a day-to-day basis.


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## harrison

Yes, I'd like to have some more friends - and hopefully not push them away so much this time. I still have a few - people I've known for ages. I like people - I just hide away a lot nowadays because I'm often not feeling well.


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## harrison

lily said:


> hi harrison, would you like to talk via Zoom together? I'm lonely. Not today though


That sounds good Lily - yeah another day might be better for me too.


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## harrison

lily said:


> Ok I totally know how you feel about how your medication is causing you to feel horrible, wish you wellness


Thanks Lily.


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## Crisigv

Yes and no. Maybe just one true friend. But that's a lot to ask right now.


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## AffinityWing

Although I do get lonely and think my life could be improved if I do have some, at the same time I have grown increasingly complacent being alone over the years to the point I don't think about it that much and don't even really want to try making any more than half of the time, anymore. I want to be friends mostly with people who share my interests, but most of these interests are too obscure and niche, so that already makes me not want to bother.

Back in middle school and high school, the only kind of friendships I believed were real and expected with others were ones like out of Friends. I've since realized how uncommon these kind of friendships actually are. Even the closest friends will eventually distance from eachother, if they go separate ways in life (That transiency is probably another reason I feel too tired to bother making friends anymore...)


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## TheWelshOne

I'm honestly not even sure anymore. 

I mean, on the one hand I want friends, of course I do. But friends are a lot of work. It's exhausting with my mental health issues to deal with people, to wonder how they feel about me etc. I'm amazed that I've managed to keep one friend for 6 and a half years, with regular weekly contact (even daily for the first few years), but that's online. IRL I just don't know how to proceed with making friends. I feel like I'm too old, too broken, too boring. I tried a Meetup for SA and it was so awkward, I was the least evolved one there. Which made me feel worse tbh, when everyone else is like 'yeah so my anxiety is bad at my job' or 'well I manage with my husband well enough'.

I just have nothing to say. I'm not spontaneous. I'm an introvert. I don't enjoy the idea of pub crawls or parties. I have nothing to offer a person, except being able to listen. And honestly? Listening is overrated. When it's the one thing you're good at, it gets abused, and people who want you to listen often don't want to listen to you. Playing therapist is not a friendship and I'm scared that I'll fall into that role again and again if given the opportunity.

Basically: in an ideal world, I'd like a friendship group. In reality, it's probably too much of a minefield.


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## burgerchuckie

I'm in the point in my life where I'm finally open to having them. However, I want it to happen organically.


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## CoffeeCat

That's actually why I joined. I wanted to make an effort to try to meet new people. I've just always had trouble making connections and I'd ask myself what I was doing wrong. Most of the people I'd meet online were others with anxiety and/or depression and we'd talk for a few weeks, then they'd gradually disappear. After reading through alotta the posts here, seems like they just went off to do their own thing. To be honest, I've never been lonely and I rarely get bored, but I want the ability to establish connections with others. I have no idea what I'm doing at this point. But if I keep at it, I'm sure I'll get something out of it. For those of you who are lonely, I sincerely hope you do find someone who genuinely cares about you.


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## MCHB

This is gonna sound frigged up but my co-workers are my friends! To say that it's trippy is an understatement as I'm used to co-workers stabbing me in the back. I don't get stabbed in the back where I work and it's nice. Coincidentally the crew I'm on has mostly unchanged since I started where I work (a lot of plebs left) but the crew my foreman runs is pretty tight. I remember the day my foreman realized I wasn't a pleb. I said to one of the younger guys after a wave cartridge was scraped clean that "If he doesn't give me something productive to do I'm gonna start grinding tacks off the inbeds!" (an inbed is a structural beam concreted into the floor). My foreman saw me follow through with what I said I was gonna do and was like "If you need something to do, you can buff that steel." I remember thinking to myself, "Finally...something productive!" I set up a pair of sawhorses to buff the steel on and I tried to anticipate what they needed. I said to the one guy, "It looks like a chaotic pile of metal but I promise I will re-stack it neatly!" 

To make a long story short I got fed up scraping and resorted to grinding in beds clean with a 7" grinder and I proved my fortitude! I learn something new everyday! The crew I'm on has the lowest turn around rate and it's awesome! Every now and then I get called out to do wiring for another crew and I'm like "I don't wanna!" but everytime I do wiring on another crew I come back with ideas!


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## Reality Sucks

I don't want a massive group of friends. I just really want someone to confide in and that understands me. That is all. That respects my boundaries with social anxiety, and still likes me despite it.


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## Mlt18

Not anymore, mostly because I’m not all that likable apparently. There is certain kinds of behavior I won’t tolerate like I used to which tends to hurt people’s feelings. I guess it takes a certain level of maturity to be friends with me.


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## myprivateanxiety

Mlt18 said:


> Not anymore, mostly because I'm not all that likable apparently. There is certain kinds of behavior I won't tolerate like I used to which tends to hurt people's feelings. I guess it takes a certain level of maturity to be friends with me.


I can relate to this. I just had to discipline a friend a little bit because she was acting rude when my job and future were on the line and I "got a little annoying"

I want to say: "I'm sorry kiddo, there are more important things than you silly attitude and ego. You're not listening." I can't stop being attracted to it at least though. Most people don't talk to me that way if they know me. It's kind of refreshing like cold water.

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk


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## Shrinking_Violet

Yes. As much as I'm a loner and prefer to be alone most of the time, I still find myself longing for some good close friends. Even just one good best friend would be fine with me. I do have a best friend, but we're not as close as I like to imagine best friends could be. And that's mainly my fault. I'm not good at making connections with people.


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## macky

CoffeeCat said:


> That's actually why I joined. I wanted to make an effort to try to meet new people. I've just always had trouble making connections and I'd ask myself what I was doing wrong. Most of the people I'd meet online were others with anxiety and/or depression and we'd talk for a few weeks, then they'd gradually disappear. After reading through alotta the posts here, seems like they just went off to do their own thing. To be honest, I've never been lonely and I rarely get bored, but I want the ability to establish connections with others. I have no idea what I'm doing at this point. But if I keep at it, I'm sure I'll get something out of it. For those of you who are lonely, I sincerely hope you do find someone who genuinely cares about you.


That's a nice parting message CoffeeCat - wish you the best :smile2:


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## Sainnot

That's such a great question.


I feel like I really want friends sometimes. When I see other people acting happy and social I think to myself "I want to be like that - I want to be friendly and have lots of friends". But given that I am the sort of person that I currently am... no I don't want to have friends. I hate that this is true but I don't have friends for a reason - I don't like being around people and socializing, it is painful. Sometimes the line between my fantasies and reality blur so it's a good idea to address this question on a regular basis in my opinion.


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## RelinquishedHell

Honestly, I don't. Unless we have some incredible connection and we have a ton in common, then I'm just interested in friendship.


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## Starcut83

Yes...but I'm honestly not sure what a friendship would look like at my point in life. In my teens and 20's we just got high and played video games or got into trouble...


I also don't like small talk...it's fluff...Some people live most of their lives in small talk...


Deep conversations I can go on for hours though but...everything seems to start with small talk and if I'm not interested they think I'm not interested in them...which I don't know if I am or not because you can't honestly get to truly know someone from small talk.


Since I've decided to cut the bs and not really bother with small talk and just open, real and raw, people either accept it or not...after spending much of my life trying to fit in or blend in to feel "hidden" and getting no where I finally said F it. The more I openly express what I really think and feel...I'm finding it's drawing in some cool people...so we'll see.


I find that the more open I am...people tend to be more open with me.


Thankfully I am not someone who feels they need 100's of friends...a couple close friends and I'm good.


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## snow_drop

i just want a friend who has no friends


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## CantGoOn

No, I do not. I just need to survive. You need allies to survive. I don’t want them for anything other than that. But if I can survive by myself then I will.


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## Manooffewwords

I have one online friend from Norway. I chat with her daily and I know her for like 7 years but I have never seen her face.

I can be friend with people here. Maybe some online games, and talk about movies.


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## jojy1

truant said:


> Yes and yes. But nobody really wants someone like me for a friend so there isn't really anything I can do about it.


Why do you say that no one wants you as a friend??


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## truant

jojy1 said:


> Why do you say that no one wants you as a friend??


Because I'm the kind of person who ends up in a People of Walmart meme. And I have the kinds of problems that depress and alienate people. People can tolerate me online because they only have to deal with about 5% of the challenges they'd have to deal with if they knew me IRL.


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## jojy1

truant said:


> Because I'm the kind of person who ends up in a People of Walmart meme. And I have the kinds of problems that depress and alienate people. People can tolerate me online because they only have to deal with about 5% of the challenges they'd have to deal with if they knew me IRL.


That must feel conditional, can I ask what kind of problems?? You don’t have to answer


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## truant

jojy1 said:


> That must feel conditional, can I ask what kind of problems?? You don’t have to answer


I'm not sure this is the kind of thing you can communicate effectively via text. It would be a lot easier to understand if you met me in person, but anyway (I know, I know, guys, but they asked; spoiler tags because everyone else here is sick of reading this):


* *





I'm an older trans woman and I don't pass, which makes me a visibly gender-nonconforming person. Because I'm incredibly ugly and can't afford to dress well, I'm also ridiculous, which makes me an ideal target for hate crimes. Potential friends would have to be comfortable with sharing my stigma and exposing themselves to harassment or even violence. Being seen in public with me would be detrimental for most people's social lives. Most people would not feel comfortable introducing me to their friends or family even if they did (by some miracle) like me.

I'm also extremely poor and liable to be homeless soon. I dress like a bum, I can't afford to do anything, and who's going to come hang out with me under the bridge? I have pure-O OCD with intrusive thoughts of violence (which is enough to scare most people away, even though I'm theoretically harmless) and several other mental and physical health issues (which I've talked about in other threads). I'm also suicidal, which kind of makes me a drag to be around.

I might make an interesting client for mental health professionals (idk, maybe that's why my therapist treats me for free, haha) but I'm not the kind of person anyone wants to get close to or spend time with. Most people avoid me. If they're forced to deal with me, they don't seem terribly happy about it. Some people are just toxic and you can tell that they're toxic just by looking at them, and I happen to be one of those people. I don't blame people for keeping their distance because I would too.

I gotta tell ya, it's a real curse to be self-aware enough to realize how other people must see you but powerless to change it.


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## jojy1

truant said:


> I'm not sure this is the kind of thing you can communicate effectively via text. It would be a lot easier to understand if you met me in person, but anyway (I know, I know, guys, but they asked; spoiler tags because everyone else here is sick of reading this):
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm an older trans woman and I don't pass, which makes me a visibly gender-nonconforming person. Because I'm incredibly ugly and can't afford to dress well, I'm also ridiculous, which makes me an ideal target for hate crimes. Potential friends would have to be comfortable with sharing my stigma and exposing themselves to harassment or even violence. Being seen in public with me would be detrimental for most people's social lives. Most people would not feel comfortable introducing me to their friends or family even if they did (by some miracle) like me.
> 
> I'm also extremely poor and liable to be homeless soon. I dress like a bum, I can't afford to do anything, and who's going to come hang out with me under the bridge? I have pure-O OCD with intrusive thoughts of violence (which is enough to scare most people away, even though I'm theoretically harmless) and several other mental and physical health issues (which I've talked about in other threads). I'm also suicidal, which kind of makes me a drag to be around.
> 
> I might make an interesting client for mental health professionals (idk, maybe that's why my therapist treats me for free, haha) but I'm not the kind of person anyone wants to get close to or spend time with. Most people avoid me. If they're forced to deal with me, they don't seem terribly happy about it. Some people are just toxic and you can tell that they're toxic just by looking at them, and I happen to be one of those people. I don't blame people for keeping their distance because I would too.
> 
> I gotta tell ya, it's a real curse to be self-aware enough to realize how other people must see you but powerless to change it.


That really sux that you’re experiencing that Truant. I had a friend that’s a trans woman that always struggled with her appearance and was so kind, she always said that she had to claim her space in the community and she was very active in her community to support the younger people, she had some very dark moments too


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## truant

jojy1 said:


> That really sux that you’re experiencing that Truant. I had a friend that’s a trans woman that always struggled with her appearance and was so kind, she always said that she had to claim her space in the community and she was very active in her community to support the younger people, she had some very dark moments too


I don't think 'claiming a space' is an option for me, but I'm glad she found a way to make it work.


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## jojy1

truant said:


> I don't think 'claiming a space' is an option for me, but I'm glad she found a way to make it work.


I’m really sorry Truant, I can see now that that message probably came off as a chipper “she-can-do-it-so-you-can-too”, that definitely was not my intention. It was more that I could see her day by day battle and it sucked big time, I was attempting to empathise. I’m really sorry and I hope I didn’t cause you hurt 🤍


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## truant

jojy1 said:


> I’m really sorry Truant, I can see now that that message probably came off as a chipper “she-can-do-it-so-you-can-too”, that definitely was not my intention. It was more that I could see her day by day battle and it sucked big time, I was attempting to empathise. I’m really sorry and I hope I didn’t cause you hurt 🤍


Oh, hey, I didn't think you meant it to sound that way. I know it was very well intended and I definitely felt the empathy. I'm just so not an "active in the community" kind of person, lol. Sorry if my reply came across the wrong way. Don't feel bad. 🤗


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## jojy1

truant said:


> Oh, hey, I didn't think you meant it to sound that way. I know it was very well intended and I definitely felt the empathy. I'm just so not an "active in the community" kind of person, lol. Sorry if my reply came across the wrong way. Don't feel bad. 🤗


Ok thanks ☺


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