# Loss of a therapist



## habsfan31 (May 29, 2010)

For those of you who had a great experience with your therapist, how did you deal with losing him/her? Ive been seeing a therapist for almost a year now, she was the first person i have ever opened up to, and still remains the only one. We had a special connection, she completely understood me and knew exactly what to say. Our sessions were most of the time my happiest time of a week, it was something i looked forward to. Last Friday was my last session with her, she moved on to something new, and i am really depressed over losing her. It pains me to think that i will never see her again. I feel so alone. I already miss her so much.

Has anyone gone through the same thing im currently going through? I am going to see a new therapist next week but i fear it wont be the same.


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## RockiNToM (Jun 15, 2009)

I know exactly how you feel.

The first treatment I received for my Social Anxiety was from my therapist. I had no understanding about any of it and I learnt a great deal from her. On top of that, like you I opened up a lot and explored my thoughts and feelings that were quite personal. Our friendship and work together tackling my Social Anxiety was over a 3-4 year period - so we became pretty close friends.

Of course, as soon as my time was up at the end of the session so was our friendship and that was that - it was strictly professional. But I won't lie to you, I wanted it to be more than that. I actually ended up falling for her and my yearning for love was what gave me the 'drive' to fight my anxiety head on. It was a good motivator but it was for the wrong reasons. Luckily she never knew and I began to realise my problem. When the final day came when it all was over, I could have cried and grieved forever but I needed to move on and remember that the tools she gave me would help me in times like these and I would never forget what I have learnt.

It's not easy but you have to learn to accept it is what it is. It's like literally losing a close friend - because you can never see them again. It really hurts but over time you will learn to move on, trust me.


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## habsfan31 (May 29, 2010)

Thanks for the reply, i really hope i move on sooner rather than later, because while i remember all the advice she gave me, i dont feel motivated to use it anymore, without any to talk to about and make proud, it just doesnt feel the same.


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## cinammon (Mar 18, 2010)

habsfan31 said:


> For those of you who had a great experience with your therapist, how did you deal with losing him/her? Ive been seeing a therapist for almost a year now, she was the first person i have ever opened up to, and still remains the only one. We had a special connection, she completely understood me and knew exactly what to say. Our sessions were most of the time my happiest time of a week, it was something i looked forward to. Last Friday was my last session with her, she moved on to something new, and i am really depressed over losing her. It pains me to think that i will never see her again. I feel so alone. I already miss her so much.
> 
> Has anyone gone through the same thing im currently going through? I am going to see a new therapist next week but i fear it wont be the same.


Yes, I have been through something similiar but I changed therapists because another therapist I met in a SA group could (and did) help me more. Change is scary but it can be good, this new therapist could help you much more than the other one did. But if he or she doesn't, then you will have to move on for your own benefit because it doesn't make sense to stay with a therapist that is not helping you.


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## habsfan31 (May 29, 2010)

cinammon said:


> Yes, I have been through something similiar but I changed therapists because another therapist I met in a SA group could (and did) help me more. Change is scary but it can be good, this new therapist could help you much more than the other one did. But if he or she doesn't, then you will have to move on for your own benefit because it doesn't make sense to stay with a therapist that is not helping you.


One of the things that scare me is leaving a therapist for someone else, i find it very uncomfortable basically rejecting someone, and plus if i do switch it would have to be someone in the same building and im afraid i might run into my old therapist which would be so awkward.


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## RockiNToM (Jun 15, 2009)

Don't worry. Worrying about finding the right therapist again after having such a good one is perfectly normal. I went through the same ordeal. 

With me, I never got the same friendship with the new therapist as I did before but wasn't a bad thing. Sometimes it's good to try new things - my new therapist certainly had a lot of new interesting things that really helped me tackle things from a different approach.

I won't say you will find it easy with a new therapist because I simply don't believe that to be true. It takes time and adjustment but this is something you will have to just accept I am afraid. 

If on the other hand it is a matter of the therapist simply being no good then you hopefully move on to someone else. I went through 2-3 therapists before I found the right one for me again. You might be lucky though and may find the right one sooner.


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

A little perturbed. My therapist resigned out of nowhere, with no reason. I didnt get a new one for half a year. It's like starting all over.


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## habsfan31 (May 29, 2010)

flapjacker said:


> A little perturbed. My therapist resigned out of nowhere, with no reason. I didnt get a new one for half a year. It's like starting all over.


Wow that really sucks! Luckily my therapist let me know about two months in advance that our time would be coming to an end. I cant imagine how i would have felt in your case.


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## KimberlyK (Nov 11, 2004)

I started seeing my psychologist in 2002. It really helped me to have someone to talk to and give me another frame of reference so I wasn't always seeing things through the cloud of SA and depression. Even when my insurance ran out she continued to see me. In 2008 I still wanted to see her but things weren't working out as well as that had before. I just didn't know how to tell her exactly what was bothering me so I just called and cancelled all further appointments. I felt bad for doing it but that's all I really know how to do with people is run away and shut them out. I did see here again a few time last year but because of health concerns she had to stop seeing anyone. She did say I could e-mail here anytime. But, of course, I haven't done that because I don't want to bother her. 

I do miss having someone to talk to. I really don't have anyone to share any of my thoughts with so I hold them in. It isn't healthy, I know, but I really wouldn't know how to ask for help any more.

To the OP, I hope everything goes well with your new therapist.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

That was tough on me. I had one good one, the only one who got through to me and got me healthy enough to function as normally as everyone else. After a few years without her (living in a different city for university) I went downhill and returned to her, taking a semester off for the sole purpose of getting better. 

She changed. I was originally a 16 year old new at anxiety but being 23 and sitting in her office in the same state I was when I arrived made her change her tactics. Originally she was kind and gentle. The second time around she decided that tough love was the way to go about it. It hurt, each session was like torture, telling me how if I don't smarten up I'll never get my degree, get a career, get married, have children...you get the idea. I told her over and over that this was hurting me, that I was simply getting angry at her and not respecting her words anymore. She didn't listen and kept at it so I refused to return. I never looked back - she did more damage than good. So in that sense I lost a good therapist. She's still there, but her skill level dropped. 

There are SO many out there, though. I eventually did find one to replace her and though she hasn't made as much progress with me as I'd hope, she's the most "human" therapist I've ever had. She'll level with me. She'll advocate for me when figures of authority won't listen. And boy is she good at that. Just keep your mind open to new therapists. They all have their own unique ways of treating people and you're very likely to find another who will get through to you as the other one did. It just takes a little patience.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

habsfan31 said:


> while i remember all the advice she gave me, i dont feel motivated to use it anymore, without any to talk to about and make proud, it just doesnt feel the same.


Yeah, that happened to me after my first therapist (CBT) in my early 20's. I thought I was cured, so I quit and moved far away, but a lot of my motivation did come from doing things for her sake.

I even asked her about it before I left, and she said well, you do things for me now but eventually you'll start doing them for yourself. I certainly slogged through things on my own, but I wasn't able to reward myself as much as I did by seeing her, so I slowly got more depressed. I tried all the same techniques, but they didn't work as well when I was on my own.

And moving to a new city where you don't know anyone is difficult even for normal people - it was crazy of me to do that, but I wanted to get far away from my parents. I think doing more therapy would have been a better option at that point, but I felt kind of ashamed that I had already spent 3 years in therapy - I thought I should be done with it by then.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Absolutely! I can definitely relate to that. Having no one to answer to makes it far too easy to slip. Been there. Living it. At the end of the day we answer to ourselves and it's up to us to keep ourselves going.


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## habsfan31 (May 29, 2010)

Just a quick update. Ive seen my new therapist twice now. Things have been going ok, but she definitely made me forget about my old one, which i guess is good.


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

i used to have a therapist that i lost. it bothered me but ireaalized even though she cared for me a big part of her motivation to see me was extrinsically oriented(money). i knew she wasnt crying over me so i said meh


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