# Are my coworkers trying to embarrass me??



## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

Heres a little background info. I'm 23 and I work at my dad's restaurant. I have worked there for almost 3 years and its the only place I've ever worked. I have applied at other places previously and even got a job interview once. However, I never had any luck. I feel that people can sense my shyness and it makes them not want to hire me. 

So anyway I work with a bunch of really loud, outgoing people, and Im known as the "quiet one". There are a couple of ladies I work with who feel the need to constantly point out how quiet I am and that I NEVER talk. First off, why do people feel its necessary to point out someone's quietness/shyness? Do they think they're helping? All it does is draw attention to the person, and make them feel like something is wrong with them, or at least thats how it makes me feel. Sometimes I feel like saying "Yea I am quiet... and youre really loud. You talk too much." But that would be considered rude, yet its not considered rude to tell someone they don't talk enough. I don't get it. 

I also get embarrassed pretty easily and I will usually blush. And whenever I do, it never fails. Someone always has to point out "Aww look! You're blushing!", which makes me even more embarrassed than I was to start with. 

Today at work a coworker was talking about going through menopause and saying how her sex life isn't anything like it used to be when she first got married. I wasn't too bothered by it at first but then she started going into detail about how she remembers she used to have sex on the washing machine, in the car, and other various places. At that point, I could feel my face getting a little warm and I was thinking to myself "Please don't be blush, please don't blush. If I do, don't let anyone notice." But it was too late, I was already blushing and of course one of my other coworkers noticed and had to bring it to everyone's attention. The same coworker then decides to drag me into the conversation and asks "What about you? Have you ever did it in the back of a car?". I just kind of looked at her for a second and didn't really know how to respond so I just ignored her. She also made some comments about me like "I bet before she and her husband got married they were like rabbits" or something like that. 

What I don't understand is if you see someone is clearly uncomfortable with the conversation to start with, why would you then make them even more uncomfortable by asking them such questions? It almost makes me think that some people just enjoy seeing me get embarrassed, like they think its funny or something. I don't see anything funny about it. Do you think my coworker was intentionally trying to make me feel this way? I know some people will say that maybe she was just trying to get me involved in the conversation so I would feel like I was apart of the group, but if that was the case, she could have took a different approach. Of all the conversations to get me involved in, why pick the one where everyone is discussing their sex lives? Do you think maybe some of my coworkers just don't like me for some reason and this is their way of picking on me, because they know I probably won't say anything to them about it? I'm just trying to understand. If they don't like me, although I can't think of anything I've done to make them dislike me, I'd much rather them just not talk to me at all.


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## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

anyone?


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## purechaos (Dec 18, 2013)

I don't think they dislike you. I think they want you to be more outgoing.


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## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

Well I can understand that but again, I just think theres better ways to go about it. I don't see the need to constantly point out how quiet I am. It should be obvious its something I don't like about myself, because everytime someone mentions it, I just become even more shy and awkward. Besides, something my therapist is trying to get me to understand is that theres nothing wrong with being quiet and I shouldn't be ashamed of it because it makes me who I am. Some people are obnoxiously loud, some just talk a little, some hardly talk at all. Everyone is different. 

There are things I'd like to improve about myself. If I have something to say, I'd like to not be afraid to say it. If I feel someone is being rude to me, I don't want to be afraid to stand up for myself. But as far as changing my entire personality, its just not going to happen, and I've accepted that. So I don't get why other people are trying to change me.... why can't they just accept that I'm a quiet person, and leave it at that. I think thats why I've always hated being shy to begin with is because its seems there is some kind of weird stigma that there is something wrong with quiet people.


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## jtea (Apr 20, 2014)

As long as their not talking crap about you its not all that bad. I consider it nice if they try to get you in the conversation.


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## haggybear (Apr 9, 2014)

I feel you in the whole shyness aspect. I've overheard things like being called anti-social and whatnot. But I can be somewhat outgoing when pushed far enough, but sometimes I can come off as a **** (male appendage). But I try to display it in a fun/funny way. If you can build up the courage it could help to give a little attitude in response to their comments but in a playful way. I'm not sure if that's part of your personality and from the post it doesn't seem like it but it's worked for me. 

But it doesn't sound like they are trying to be mean they just don't know any better on how your shyness affects you. That bit of ignorance on their side can be tough wall to break through. Hell if you're honest about your shyness you may gain a bit of empathy from them. 

And the whole stigma with being quiet is bad is mainly a western culture thing. Western culture enforces being big and bold. Have you ever read Quiet by Susan Cain? It's a book on introverts but it could give you some insight on some very relatable issues.

Shortly after I started a new job I was on break reading a book on my phone and one of the girls that I work with entered the break room and kept looking at me like she wanted to talk. I just smiled, nodded, and then continued to read. Later on I overheard her and one the guys their talking about me and the guy went on to say "It's always the ****** up ones that like me". That sucked but **** it I was reading and I hate being interrupted while doing so.


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## lunarc (Feb 25, 2014)

I don't think they were trying to embarrass you. Have you told them you have social anxiety issues? Maybe they might be a little more sensitive. If they just think you are a little shy they may not fully appreciate how those kind of situations make you. I think they were just trying to get you involved in their conversation.


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## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

I've never really went into full detail to them about how severe my social anxiety is. When they ask why I'm so quiet, I usually just say something like "I don't know, I've just always been a quiet person." So they probably don't really understand how big of a problem it is for me and how much it bothers me.

Opening up to them about it might help them understand a little bit better and maybe they would be more sensitive but I'm a pretty private person. I don't open up to people unless I am really close to them and can fully trust them. 

I don't like opening up about anything really, but especially sex stuff. I feel like thats just too personal. Yet it seems to be everyone's favorite topic at work... I've even had some people ask me when my husband and I are going to have kids, or if we've ever TRIED to have a baby... which is a particularly touchy subject for me because we've been trying for a while now with no luck. I guess some people just don't mind asking those types of things because they are the type of person to tell everyone all of their business and kept nothing to themselves, so they assume everyone else is the same way.


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## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

I've never really went into full detail to them about how severe my social anxiety is. When they ask why I'm so quiet, I usually just say something like "I don't know, I've just always been a quiet person." So they probably don't really understand how big of a problem it is for me and how much it bothers me.

Opening up to them about it might help them understand a little bit better and maybe they would be more sensitive but I'm a pretty private person. I don't open up to people unless I am really close to them and can fully trust them. 

I don't like opening up about anything really, but especially sex stuff. I feel like thats just too personal. Yet it seems to be everyone's favorite topic at work... I've even had some people ask me when my husband and I are going to have kids, or if we've ever TRIED to have a baby... which is a particularly touchy subject for me because we've been trying for a while now with no luck. I guess some people just don't mind asking those types of things because they are the type of person to tell everyone all of their business and keep nothing to themselves, so they assume everyone else is the same way.


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## modus (Apr 27, 2011)

It's just a clash of personalities. It sounds like one big camp of outgoing, adventurous gals where you work, and they want you to join their free spirit culture.

Maybe you could crack a joke about the whole situation to them. Show them you aren't contemptuous or anything, you just aren't into their lifestyle. Humor is the universal social remedy.


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## LGriff (Apr 23, 2014)

That sucks. I always blush too. I'm not as bad as I used to be but when I was in school everyone who saw me blush always said the exact same thing. "Look, your blushing" which just made me blush more. I'm not sure why people like to draw attention to someone else's uncomfortableness. Eventually I found friends who treated each other with more respect for the most part. I still had one friend who seemed to love asking me questions about girls and sex just to get me nervous and blushing. Some people seem to find it amusing. It's a pretty painful experience though. I would definitely try telling them off though.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

Have you ever thought that they behave as they do because you are the boss's daughter? You've got a job for life .... they could be resentful.


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## sapphire90 (May 1, 2014)

Serephina said:


> Have you ever thought that they behave as they do because you are the boss's daughter? You've got a job for life .... they could be resentful.


Well one of them had made comments before like how I will never have to worry about losing my job and that I will always have a guaranteed job. So I don't know... Maybe there's some jealousy going on. But I can't help that I'm the owners daughter... I didn't get to pick who my parents are. I still work just as hard as anyone else, in fact id say I work harder than a lot of people there.


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