# Should I Get a New Therapist?



## arakka (Sep 17, 2015)

Hello,

I'm very new to therapy -- about 6 weeks in -- and I'm not sure if I should find a new therapist. 

When I first "interviewed" my therapist over the phone, she told me that she is always about 10-15 minutes late. I am annoyed with lateness because I don't like to wait but I figured I could live with it. 

On my first or second session she told me that she has a serious disease (I won't mention which) that causes severe memory problems and other physical issues (she is young -- under 40)

About 3-4 weeks ago my therapist didn't show up for my appt and after 30-35 mins of waiting I left. I texted her on the way out the door to explain that I had waited for a while but she didn't show and maybe we can reschedule for another time. She called me back but by then I was driving and couldn't answer the phone and she didn't leave a voice message. She replied via text later that evening and said she was so sorry and asked if I could come tomorrow. I had used 3 hours of vacation time from work for the missed appt and was not willing to use anymore time to see her. She changed one of her client's time slots to accommodate me on a permanent basis and I saw her the following week. She apologized again but didn't explain what happened and I didn't feel like it was right to interrogate her (as my curiosity usually turns into such). Even though I didn't feel so, I said "it's okay" to which she replied, "no, it's not but thanks for saying so." 

Here it is 4 weeks later and she didn't show up again. I was really angry this time because I'd just spoken to her this morning and she said she'd see me tonight. Again I waited for 30 minutes and then left. 

She never initiates the apology as she doesn't even remember there was an appt so until I confront her about the missed appt, it's not an issue. 

The first time it happened, I was not offered a free next session (she didn't charge me for the missed appt though). She has a 24 hr cancellation policy so this seems a bit unfair to me. 

She forgets everything -- even when she says she'll email an assignment for me to work on or something I need to read, she doesn't and I have to ask her multiple times to send it. 

The first assignment she gave me I didn't do and she didn't ask me about it -- she probably forgot she assigned it. I want to be held accountable for what I do or don't do. 

I've only had about 4 sessions with her which I think isn't enough time to know if she'll be a good fit but I thought she was as I kind of like her. 

I don't know if I'm being too intolerant of her situation knowing she has an illness which contributes to that behavior but I don't want to seem like I'm being walked over either. 

Do I look for another therapist? Giver her another chance? How do I brooch the subject? I paid for today's session a few weeks in advance but of course didn't get to use it.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yes, definitely find a new therapist. This is inexcusable. You need someone you can see consistently and someone you can depend on.......I would just start looking for someone else and then switch. Just tell your therapist you will stop seeing her.......this might be difficult to do face to face maybe over email?


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

How would you feel if she gave up on you?


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## arakka (Sep 17, 2015)

Imbored21 said:


> How would you feel if she gave up on you?


Thanks for the reply.

You make a good point but I'm paying her for a service. If you patronize a restaurant and don't get good service, do you continue to allow them to take your money?

I'd love to know what you would do in this situation.

This doesn't seem to happen to most people...


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## arakka (Sep 17, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> Yes, definitely find a new therapist. This is inexcusable. You need someone you can see consistently and someone you can depend on.......I would just start looking for someone else and then switch. Just tell your therapist you will stop seeing her.......this might be difficult to do face to face maybe over email?[/QUOTE
> 
> That's what I thought too but I'n not sure what I should say. Do you have any suggestions on how to say it?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Definitely get a new therapist. No question. If she doesn't have the capabilities to arrive on time and show up to the therapy, she won't have the capabilities to help you with social anxiety, you are just throwing money away if you continue


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## AbsenceOfSound (Nov 29, 2011)

I really think you should get a new therapist. There are better ones out there. She may have an illness that is causing this, but that is not your problem. Like the person above said, if she doesn't have the strategies to get herself to work in a timely manner to meet with her clients, it seems doubtful that she will be a competent therapist who can truly help you. Then again, she might be, but there are others out there who can help too, and will also show up for your appointments. 

If you decide to quit, I would just send her an email and tell her that you want to cancel your session. You can add a "Thanks for your time and help," etc etc, if you want. You do not have to explain your reasons, unless you just want to.


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## arakka (Sep 17, 2015)

Thanks everyone for your help! I'm going to look for a new therapist today.


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## Sdistant (Mar 25, 2015)

Perhaps try talking to her first to say how you feel. Then find another therapist if she doesn't change.


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