# Does Life really get better?



## Mradkn (Dec 11, 2013)

z


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## chessman6500 (Sep 5, 2013)

Probably never will for me, I'm holding out for seven or eight more years then I'm turning myself in most likely. For you, depends on the circumstances. I have no one to talk to, no family, no hobbies, no friends, no drive, no goals, no job, no girlfriend, nothing really, and on top of that I'm teased and bullied by family and people I know all the time. I'm sick of living. I want to die. I will, just not right now.

While there's no fight left for me, you still have the hope. Please try to get better and think of all the things your thankful for in life.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

I didn't start getting better until I started college at 22. Still not easy though, just have to keep working at it.


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## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

Hasn't got no better for me the past 5 yrs. Probably a bit worse.


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## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

Haunty said:


> I didn't start getting better until I started college at 22. Still not easy though, just have to keep working at it.


I was afraid to start college at a later age.


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## drive211 (Mar 27, 2014)

How long is a piece of string?

Positive action brings positive results (sometimes, anyway).


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## loneliness (Oct 3, 2013)

No it just gets worse, at least for me. I had SA in my teens which wasn't as bad as it was at 20, and now at 22 it's worse than it was at 20. I feel like making the final "I give up" declaration soon. 

I think it just keeps getting worse until you take some dramatic action.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

It doesn't seem like it.


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## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

I am not sure. I also think I am not doing too much to help that.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

I'm also 20, and in the same boat you are, it's honestly just seemed to get worse as time passes, as much as I try to get out there and "enjoy" life, it just doesn't seem to go well for me, I'm in a very bad state of depression, so that doesn't help my situation either, but I say don't give up hope yet, you have to keep fighting man.


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## theghost0991 (Mar 29, 2014)

Honestly, I am in the same position.

I am 20 years old. Virgin. No friends where I live. The last friends I had I only had cause of my older sister.

Thing is you got to keep hoping. With hope, comes strength. With strength, comes action. When you take action, you start moving towards a better life.

Honestly though, I don't know if what I am doing ever will lead to better things in life. Maybe I am just heading towards worse bull****. 

But I don't know. This is what keeps me going. Knowing that while bad things can happen tomorrow, good things might happen too. Nobody knows the future. Maybe, just maybe, something good is headed your way.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

Not for me. Just keeps going downhill. But, honestly, everyone is different. I won't tell you this 'have hope' bull****, and more likely than not, I'll throw in the towel sooner rather than later. You have to decide what's best for you. No one can make these decisions but you.


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## The Wise Guy (Mar 18, 2014)

If you keep waiting until your S.A is gone by magic, no, it won't get better. You must fight it, it takes a while, but it will be better than wait, and wait while doing nothing to change and regreting every single choice in your life.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

Hmmm, I'm 45. I managed to conquer a lot of things by getting skilled at certain things. When you are good at something, no one can take that away, and sometimes people need your skills and that feels good. I managed to find a spouse with SA and other issues that make us compatible. Someone perfectly sane would not get me at all. So, I know who I am, I have confidence in certain areas. I still have SA, and avoid people where possible though I can speak in front of a crowd with difficulty of I have to for work, but I mostly avoid it. I feel like some things are better, some are worse. 

In my 20s, I did a lot of stupid things, but pretty much enjoyed doing them. I coped with SA with drugs and alcohol (not recommended) and had a crappy relationship that taught me a lot about how not to have a relationship. In my 30s, I straightened up, and focused on my career and not having a dysfunctional relationship (not that easy, had to work hard, still do) 

Now, things are ok, but I just avoid the things I find uncomfortable instead of trying to fix everything. I conquered some things, and now, I think it's enough, I'll just coast. 

So, there's a life with SA in brief. I felt lost a lot of times when I was young. Failed at suicide once. Felt crazy desperate like you do too many times to count. If you can't succeed at friends, get good at something. Concentrate on school, music, art, anything that will get you skills that people seek to employ. When you can do something people will pay you for and you like to do, you get hired somewhere, and you will provide people with something they appreciate, and you can't help but feel good about that. No matter how much self-loathing you carry around, when you achieve something for someone else, you are forced to confront your success. It took me 10 years to find what I was good at, I hope you can figure it out sooner.

Screw the other frustrations, make yourself sought after with skills, and you will be forced to find a path of opportunities to use those skills and with that comes the added benefit of an instant group of people with the same or complimentary skills to talk to. I don't have to figure out what to talk to people about at a conference, we talk about the work, and I don't have to reveal anything personal about myself at all. 

Best of luck and opportunity.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

I didn't look for romance when I was young. I didn't like people to get too close, so I just got drunk and screwed around. Eventually you might make a friend while working on your profession that you want to sleep with, then keep them around all the time. Seriously, do not frustrate yourself over lack of romance. Just try to have fun where you can, either you will fall into a love situation or not, the only thing that will ruin you is freaking out about it a lot. Be ok with being with you, it's not easy, believe me, I know, but just keep getting good at stuff until you have to admit you are ok, then you might find a compatible soul.


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## imapotato (Apr 4, 2014)

your asking the wrong questions


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## The Blooding (Jul 1, 2013)

For some people. It depends on rather you can still make conversation or not. Almost everything in life is based on that.


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## cynocephalus (Mar 27, 2014)

When I was a bit younger than you I met a girl who was the only one I've ever loved and she seemed to like me back at least enough to stay with me for a few years before dumping me. I came pretty close to killing myself at around 13 or 14 precisely due to the fact that I thought nothing like that could ever happen to me. And yet it did, but only that one time. More than twenty years have passed since then and it has never happened again and now I'm too old. Three years was still better than nothing though.

In my mid to late 20s I realized that I would never ever get any American girl I found attractive to go out with me and studied Spanish and spent some time living in Latin America. There I was able to get girls even though I usually had to pay them. I found it to be better than the alternative of staying in the US constantly seeing beautiful girls who would never ever have the slightest interest in me. There I was able to have sex with pretty girls who in the US wouldn't consider me worth even spitting on.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

The Blooding said:


> For some people. It depends on rather you can still make conversation or not. Almost everything in life is based on that.


I know it, I hate to say it, but I never would have gotten anywhere with people without drugs and alcohol to remove inhibitions. Once I could feel more comfortable with someone, I could remove the crutch. Not recommending it, but letting you know I do know how impossible it feels to approach people. That's why I recommend starting with professional relationships, I certainly don't want to recommend my route of crutches.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

cynocephalus said:


> In my mid to late 20s I realized that I There I was able to have sex with pretty girls who in the US wouldn't consider me worth even spitting on.


I realized I couldn't have sex with pretty boys, so I would have to have sex with guys who were average to ugly, like me. Maybe you are an attractive guy, who just can't talk to attractive girls, but just sayin' girls like me read this all the time, and give up hope of ever finding a guy who will find the pretty inside us, like we are willing to find in them.

And tangentially (unrelated to our post) It also feels sooooo great to know how disgusting guys find us, but that they have sex with us anyway because they were desperate.


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## cynocephalus (Mar 27, 2014)

KalamityRVT said:


> I realized I couldn't have sex with pretty boys, so I would have to have sex with guys who were average to ugly, like me.


Interesting. IME ugly girls did not really find me attractive either and typically didn't want to date me. I did date a couple of them though in my mid 20s. One of whom was in her early 30s. I have yet to actually meet someone else who has done that. Well maybe until now. This was just before I gave up on American women completely. I just wanted to see if I would enjoy being in a relationship with a girl I found to be completely unattractive.

I did get _some_ enjoyment out of it. In fact the sex with one of the girls was some of the best I ever had and made me think that ugly girls were better in bed. The only real problem I had was kissing. I didn't like kissing them. But, although it was better than nothing, I also found it quite depressing and I broke up with them after 2-3 weeks.

It may not have been more depressing than paying a pretty girl to be with me though. Today I'd be thrilled to have the chance to date an ugly girl. Pretty much any girl who was willing to have sex with me would be great. Well as long as she wasn't too fat. That's a line I couldn't cross. And as long as she wasn't old like me, and I didn't have to marry her.



KalamityRVT said:


> Maybe you are an attractive guy, who just can't talk to attractive girls,


Haha. No I was definitely ugly and I was quite able to talk to pretty girls, but not without her knowing that I was shy and not without being obviously nervous. I tried like hell to hide the fact of my shyness, but I almost never succeeded in disguising it for more than 5 minutes or so. I suppose even if I had been good looking I would have gotten shot down a lot just for that alone.



KalamityRVT said:


> but just sayin' girls like me read this all the time, and give up hope of ever finding a guy who will find the pretty inside us, like we are willing to find in them.


I find this kind of surprising because most guys like me don't flee the country to find a gf. They stick around and stay miserable and maybe eventually kill themselves instead. I'm sure there are plenty of such guys who would be happy to date girls they don't find attractive. And if they like your personality then they like it. I think it's just a problem for us to get over the hurdle of not being with someone we find attractive. Accepting that is like death. It's sort of like giving up that you will ever have that.



KalamityRVT said:


> And tangentially (unrelated to our post) It also feels sooooo great to know how disgusting guys find us, but that they have sex with us anyway because they were desperate.


Been there. Done that. It's always a tipoff if the guy cannot bear to kiss you for instance. I was always open about how unattractive I found them though. I never disguised the fact that I did not find them attractive in the slightest. One of them actually felt sorry for me. She said that she would never be able to do such a thing herself. And the other didn't quite believe me until I actually broke up with her because of it. She just couldn't believe that anyone could be quite that desperate I guess.


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## pens001 (Mar 19, 2014)

Wow I'm also 20 and I've been depressed for 7 years. Sad life huh? I feel like I'm in a rut, I keep trying to get better but everytime I make the slightest improvement, something happens and all the progress I made goes down the drain. I can't really say anything to help since I'm basically the same.. but maybe knowing that you're not the only one will make you feel better..


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

cynocephalus said:


> I think it's just a problem for us to get over the hurdle of not being with someone we find attractive. Accepting that is like death. It's sort of like giving up that you will ever have that.


I think I will go back in time to when I didn't know what was inside your head. My husband loves me whatever I look like. Is it worse being mostly alone or finding out what people are like and learning you don't want any part of most of them? Probably the same for people who get to know me. Even more reason to stay in my shell.


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## c224 (Mar 2, 2014)

I mean honestly I don't think it "gets better". I think you start to understand yourself more, learn to deal with feelings/emotions and do what you can to make yourself happy with how you are and hope to improve in what ways you can. It ( in my experience) never miraculously "gets better"


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