# meeting decent guys



## Puppuccino (Jun 29, 2011)

Does anyone else attract weird/creepy people? My friends and I have noticed that I seem to encounter weird people frequently. I'm not quite sure what it is about me. Perhaps it's b/c I'm a girl and I'm short and young so people think that I'm naive and I'm easy to mess with (I'm not). This coupled with SA makes me suspicious of people especially guys I meet. So where are the decent guys? I'm doing yoga, volunteering, and trying to get out more but I haven't met any cool guys my age.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

tinybubbles said:


> This coupled with SA makes me suspicious of people especially guys I meet. So where are the decent guys?
> 
> 
> > you might have answered your own question right there. decent guys usually have options, and if you dont give them a reason to try to get you more then they will just move on without giving you a second thought. if you automatically treat guys with suspicion when you meet them then the decent ones are gona figure in their heads that you are not worth the effort and will just move on to the next option.


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## wraith (Feb 22, 2010)

I don't think your height as much to do with this but the way you talk/act and situations you put yourself in probably have. Were you parents douchebags?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

It is hard to tell. It could be because your pretty and makes guys insecure. It could be the age group your hanging around. It could just be a random fluke that you know strange people, or maybe they aren't strange at all? maybe your just thinking they are? Could be many different reasons.

Keep trying to meet some decent guys and eventually you'll find some sooner or later.


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

Question: what do guys do that makes them creepy and weird?


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I only meet idiots too ... :wife

I give up on dating, refuel, then try again. You sound annoyed. Maybe think of a better priority/goal for a bit.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

I do too, the creepy, stalkerish, won't leave me alone kind. And also the ones that get mad because they took me to dinner and I have the audacity to not sleep with them on the first date.

And men 15 years older than me....none my own age.
But I think it is because I am shy and when I am approached I can't really talk, so the normal, not creepy, guys just think I am not interested and I can't tell the creepy ones to leave me alone because well the whole not being able to talk to strangers thing.

But I think this is common among SA women, I only say this because most of the women I know with SA have this problem. So it may or may not be accurate.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Are these guys my age? Because it seems that most guys my ages are like "NOMNOMNOMNOMPOON". I got called "gay" because I'd rather be monogamous. Weird peeps 'round my town, I tells ya. :b


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## Later (May 5, 2011)

Yeah happened to me too, older men just wanted sex, and thought I was stupid or something, because i looked shy and vulnerable.maybe giving a sign to get a Decent guy to come talk to you instead of letting Any creepy desperate guys come and take you, don't be afraid to 'sort them out' I know it's hard with SA to express what you feel or want


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## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

question: how come only guys can be creepy, but you never hear a guy complain about not being able to meet nice/decent girls.
Girls can be psycho *****es sure, but I don't think guys have the problem of _only_ running into those.

Also, yea, what is it about them that makes them creepy? Cause they want sex? Everyone wants sex. Some are just better at their game than others.


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

Guys don't complain about creepy girls because guys with SA are usually not smothered by females that can practically smell the "weakness" that shy / quiet / can't-tell-people-to-leave-me-alone females emit. 

They pick up on this and force themselves into their lives; seeing the girls as easy prey for their needs. When the girl don't give into these needs they will usually resort to showing their true ******* / dickish qualities and leave SA girl with a flurry of "You stupid / ungrateful / ugly *****" etc etc etc. If they make a "relationship" with SA girl it is usually a abusive, one-way one where the girl is more like a object then a person to the guy; again these guys LOOK for girls that are willing to put up with MASSIVE amounts of b/s they would never be able to get away with with another girl for this very reason. That's why their ****ing "creepy". 

How many girls do this to guys? Not ****ing many, that's for sure.

And no-- this is not a male vs female war remark-- I know that some of you guys ****ing JUMP at the chance to prove it's societies fault and not your own that females don't smother you with love/sex, this is just a standard observation that any person could see. Abusive guy seeks out low-self-esteem girl and the rest is history. Not saying that SA immediatly means low-self esteem but it DOES look like that in society.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

PlanetarySauce said:


> question: how come only guys can be creepy, but you never hear a guy complain about not being able to meet nice/decent girls.
> Girls can be psycho *****es sure, but I don't think guys have the problem of _only_ running into those.
> 
> Also, yea, what is it about them that makes them creepy? Cause they want sex? Everyone wants sex. Some are just better at their game than others.


I like this post. In regards to dating, when people say they cant find a decent person, I think it's a combination of pickyness and maybe too high of expectations on the type of people someone dates. If someone you find unattractive is being too forward, does this mean they are creepy?


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## Later (May 5, 2011)

Planetarysauce, we don't mean to make this a gender based thread, but making it specific for the threadstarter because she is female. Please don't take it the wrong way, a lot of women who don't show boundaries, it can have it's results. Because there are men out there who Like to take advantage of shy girls. Ex: he actually said I want to sleep with you on the first date


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

At least you're getting attention from guys, it's a start. I don't know what you mean by creepy though, that could mean a lot of things, even that the guy has SA.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

By "creepy" do you mean ugly?


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Booo. I forgot I had an anecdote to share with you guys. I knew a girl that:

1) Invited me to her flat within 20 minutes of knowing me. 
2) Sent me a message at midnight saying _"Go to bed or I'll make you go to bed "_ along with _"I know where you live"_
3) Gave me a depressing story about how she's worried of ending up all alone for the rest of her life. There's nothing wrong with having these thoughts, but this was about the third minute of our first conversation. I just stood there, baffled like a dummy. That had to be the most strange first impression I've ever come across.

Creepy times, man :b

Other times girls have shown interest was just through elimination of my social circle. She liked my friend, then my other friend, then my other friend, so yeah she'd like me now... Although I wouldn't call it creepy. Worse things have been mentioned in this thread already. It's only happened two or three times, but it was still kind of strange.


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

I'll join the club, I attract obsessive psychos 

Thing is, I think love is like a drug though, when someone falls for you, they just need to spend time with you and when they don't get the fix they will do creepy things or become obsessed. Surely everyone has been guilty of this with someone you have loved?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

tinybubbles said:


> So where are the decent guys?


In banks, ivy-league MBA programmes, professional sports, organized crime, law schools and firms, show business, etc.

Be prepared to compete with other women for them though. Decent guys like those are short in supply and high in demand.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Where do you meet these creepy guys? Who do you consider creepy? You are not giving enough details.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

Colton said:


> By "creepy" do you mean ugly?


probably. good looking guys can get away with doing things that, if a lesser man did them, they would be considered 'creepy'.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

It's fair, because most guys say they want "a girl that is pretty," and op just wants, "a guy who is decent." I think we (especially us with SA) don't give people enough time to be considered.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

OpiodArmor said:


> Guys don't complain about creepy girls because guys with SA are usually not smothered by females that can practically smell the "weakness" that shy / quiet / can't-tell-people-to-leave-me-alone females emit.
> 
> They pick up on this and force themselves into their lives; seeing the girls as easy prey for their needs. When the girl don't give into these needs they will usually resort to showing their true ******* / dickish qualities and leave SA girl with a flurry of "You stupid / ungrateful / ugly *****" etc etc etc. If they make a "relationship" with SA girl it is usually a abusive, one-way one where the girl is more like a object then a person to the guy; again these guys LOOK for girls that are willing to put up with MASSIVE amounts of b/s they would never be able to get away with with another girl for this very reason. That's why their ****ing "creepy".
> 
> ...


I think this explains it, a long with the stalkerish behavior some guys have, but I don't think any male would deny it is creepy to follow a woman out of a store or go to where she works and stare.

I have been in abusive relationships.

I think this is a big issue with women with SA, just because we are extremely shy, and it can feel like you deserve how you are being treated. When I was in abusive relationships that's what I thought it was.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

And as a guy with SA, I think it's easy to come off as "creepy," which results in mistrust; but it's a scary mother****ing world out there, and there is the evil that men do. I don't blame women for being hyperaware and prematurely mistrusting at all, because the quiet guy with the nervous stare could be one dirty rotten *******, or he could just have SA or some other factor.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

Mercurochrome said:


> And as a guy with SA, I think it's easy to come off as "creepy," which results in mistrust; but it's a scary mother****ing world out there, and there is the evil that men do. I don't blame women for being hyperaware and prematurely mistrusting at all, because the quiet guy with the nervous stare could be one dirty rotten *******, or he could just have SA or some other factor.


It may be unfair to judge a guy because he is staring, but I have been followed to my car by the staring guy before, so it is good that you at least understand why that would come off as creepy. As a person with SA I know how hard it can be to talk someone to, but as a woman who has been followed and harassed it is understandable to worry.

Though I have never found anyone I met with SA creepy. Just awkward because no one really knows what to say.

The abusive stuff there really is no excuse for which is what I have the most experience with.


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## Nathan Talli (Dec 13, 2010)

Best place to pick up decent guys is a book store.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Decent guys usually won't approach you on the street. The best place to look is college/work, find a hobby that involves being in a group or take up a sport. If you have friends, they could introduce you to someone they know. I would say dating sites, but many people there are just looking to get laid, so keep that in mind.


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## Puppuccino (Jun 29, 2011)

I just meant in general but some specific scenarios in which I meet creepy people (guys and girls) are:
-when I'm commuting to school (yes, I know public transport is teeming with odd people but for people who ride public transport there's like an unspoken rule to give people space, to not stare at other people, and to generally keep to yourself but in my case quite a bit of people don't do this and they always try to mess with me)
- when I'm at the mall. Even when I'm with people I've had random guys act kinda sleazy and by sleazy I mean that they try to hit on me using bad pickup lines (I hate pickup lines in general. People should just be themselves.) or lewd comments that I think they think women find flattering/complimentary. 
- when I'm walking down the street. Even when I'm with my parents or my little cousin. This is probably the most awkward scenario. It's even more weird b/c my family is traditional/conservative.
*Just realized that this post makes me sound like I might dress provocatively but I don't. Nor do I don't walk around in turtle necks either. I'm pretty practical/sensible (yet fashionable in my own style) when it comes to how I dress.


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## Puppuccino (Jun 29, 2011)

No not neccessarily. I just meant strange, perverted, or somehow awkward in a really offputting way. I realize that awkward/strange may extend to SA/introvertedness/shyness but I was referring to awkward/strange where deep down you know somethings not quite right. There are different kinds of awkward. I can be an awkward person myself. Personally I'm better at being around awkward or shy people because sometimes extroverts and popular people are intimidating.


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## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

Dan iel said:


> I'll join the club, I attract obsessive psychos
> 
> Thing is, I think love is like a drug though, when someone falls for you, they just need to spend time with you and when they don't get the fix they will do creepy things or become obsessed. Surely everyone has been guilty of this with someone you have loved?


*raises hand* guilty.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Zen Mechanics said:


> probably. good looking guys can get away with doing things that, if a lesser man did them, they would be considered 'creepy'.


Good looking is not a static thing so there's ample opportunity for the girl not to find the guy good looking even if random other people find the guy good looking.

And a "good looking man" is not automatically above anyone.

So called "good looking people" can still come off as creeps


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Explain the adulation for 2x murderer joran van der sloot... He is an attractive male, despite his crimes, facebook fan pages were made of him, partly due to his attractiveness to the opposite sex.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

rdrr said:


> Explain the adulation for 2x murderer joran van der sloot... He is an attractive male, despite his crimes, facebook fan pages were made of him, partly due to his attractiveness to the opposite sex.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...lfriend-pregnant--bars.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

"The U.K. paper reports that van der Sloot's girlfriend was frequently seeing him for conjugal visits, going to his jail cell to do "chores" and bringing him candy"


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

watashi said:


> Decent guys usually won't approach you on the street. The best place to look is college/work, find a hobby that involves being in a group or take up a sport. If you have friends, they could introduce you to someone they know.


^ This


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

tinybubbles said:


> Does anyone else attract weird/creepy people? My friends and I have noticed that I seem to encounter weird people frequently. I'm not quite sure what it is about me. Perhaps it's b/c I'm a girl and I'm short and young so people think that I'm naive and I'm easy to mess with (I'm not). This coupled with SA makes me suspicious of people especially guys I meet. So where are the decent guys? I'm doing yoga, volunteering, and trying to get out more but I haven't met any cool guys my age.


if you wan't them to be cool
just put them in the freezer for couple of hours
and all will be swell and dandy


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## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

watashi said:


> Decent guys usually won't approach you on the street. The best place to look is college/work, find a hobby that involves being in a group or take up a sport. If you have friends, they could introduce you to someone they know. I would say dating sites, but many people there are just looking to get laid, so keep that in mind.


Well everyone has to be on the street to get somewhere at some point don't they? 
I see what you're saying, but don't discount people just cause they're walking on the street or in the grocery store. If everyone listened to this advice, I'd never find anyone.


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## Puppuccino (Jun 29, 2011)

liero133 said:


> I don't think your height as much to do with this but the way you talk/act and situations you put yourself in probably have. Were you parents douchebags?


no, my parents weren't douchebags. As far as "putting myself into these situations" actually I try my hardest to avoid these situations. Up until CBT when I had to do exposures I almost always wore headphones while walking or riding public transport. Having SA I know my inner thoughts and how I project myself has a lot more to do with it but I mentioned my height (or lack thereof) and appearance because it I think it contributes to the problem (being short + looking like I'm still in high school --> I look naive and non-intimidating making me a target).


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

OpiodArmor said:


> Guys don't complain about creepy girls because guys with SA are usually not smothered by females that can practically smell the "weakness" that shy / quiet / can't-tell-people-to-leave-me-alone females emit.
> 
> They pick up on this and force themselves into their lives; seeing the girls as easy prey for their needs. When the girl don't give into these needs they will usually resort to showing their true ******* / dickish qualities and leave SA girl with a flurry of "You stupid / ungrateful / ugly *****" etc etc etc. If they make a "relationship" with SA girl it is usually a abusive, one-way one where the girl is more like a object then a person to the guy; again these guys LOOK for girls that are willing to put up with MASSIVE amounts of b/s they would never be able to get away with with another girl for this very reason. That's why their ****ing "creepy".
> 
> ...


I won't contest the gist of your point, as I know a couple of cases anecdotally that pretty much match up. (a shy girl being badly treated by an ar3e of a boyfriend)

But sadly there is also a similar reversed dynamic. A girl leading a guy on really badly (although not accepting a relationship), the guy falling for her and the girl only using him as an emotional pin cushion. The real sad part is that this cruel toying with a person denies him a real relationship (a he wont be looking anywhere else) and gradually eats away at his self worth.

Shy guys are alot more prone to the above, being less experienced with woman and often holding on to some idealistic and overly romantic notions.

So in short, there are pit falls for both genders... And I too am not trying to start a gender war here - more a war on a33holes in general if anything :b


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

If you keep doing thisngs that make you happy and healthy you'll meet good guys. Good for with the yoga. Breathing with purpose is how i start each day.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

You answered your own question in your post. You said that your SA makes you suspicious of men, so obviously you're finding some quality (creepiness/danger) in them that doesn't exist; it's all in your head. I'm sure the guys you attract are great people by and large, but it's your problems that are categorizing them as "threatening". You won't be able to get past this until you realize that you are the problem. Until then, you're going to continue writing off good guys and branding them as "creepy". I'm not saying that some guys can't be jerks or unquestionably odd and alarming, but the societal standard for judging a guy as creepy is way too low, especially if a woman has some personal problems herself, as you do.


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## Imaginative dreamer (Aug 4, 2011)

I am a full believer that we all will meet that right person, given we are open minded and are willing to compromise and be genuine people. I am in the goal of finding that special somebody who we work 50/ 50 together, and we live a wonderful life together. I am sure you will too, Just give it time and You'll meet that sweet man  <3


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

this happens to me all the time too, but to all the guys on this board who think we're talking about you- we aren't. A creepy guy is a guy who invades your space when you don't even know him- like guys at bars that have just grabbed my leg. Wtf, that's not your leg and we aren't even friends yet- we're hardly acquainted! SA guys don't fall in this category- aggressive ******** fall in that category.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I am a very decent guy


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

mcmuffinme said:


> this happens to me all the time too, but to all the guys on this board who think we're talking about you- we aren't. A creepy guy is a guy who invades your space when you don't even know him- like guys at bars that have just grabbed my leg. Wtf, that's not your leg and we aren't even friends yet- we're hardly acquainted! SA guys don't fall in this category- aggressive ******** fall in that category.


Good to know, lol.

Does this mean i should stop with the leg grabbing? But i was becoming so pro at it


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

Every decent guy I've ever met was taken.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

A friend was telling me a story about how some guy started petting her, at a bar, and she didn't know this person at all. Maybe those types of guys aren't decent... but someone is falling for their ruse.


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