# I want to die.



## sammi12 (May 25, 2010)

I just graduated from high school. Now what? As much as I hated school, at least I had some sort of purpose. I rarely leave my house anymore. I have NO friends. I can't get a job. I am so ****ing socially awkard. I would never be able to do a job interview. I'll never have a boyfriend. I can't be social with anyone. I'm so sicking of living with this. I'd rather be dead than deal with this anymore. I want to cry myself to sleep and never wake up.


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

Oh hi there, me from yesterday. I went to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up. Eventually I did though. Hi.

Look on the bright side - and YES there is a bright side! I'm not trying to diminish your problems at all, I know how crippling SA can be, but you have a strong base from which to work against it. You have a home. At least one parent. Food, clothing, shelter taken care of.

You can and you will fix the anxiety issue. You are not alone; other people beside yourself managed so why not you? Retrain yourself to think in more positive ways, abandon that conviction people judge and think ceaselessly of you.. it's possible. May require therapy. Have you asked your mother about this possibility?

Here, this is how you can start fixing the problem..


> I would never be able to do a job interview. I'll never have a boyfriend.


What makes you so sure?
You're predicting the future here by some sort of crap magic that gives you crap answers that make you feel even worse. Truth is, you can't know those things for certain at all.
Try considering this predictive tendency as something separate from your self, an enemy. This is somewhat difficult to put into words but it's a trick that allowed me to stop thinking such thoughts.
You are a different person now than you were when you entered high school, what makes you think you'll never change, that you'll always be anxious and afraid?


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Medication helped me a bit, both with depression and SA. You only have one life to live though, and I just feel like suicide is a waste of an experience. When I was more depressed, I was also more creative, and in an unfortunate way- more alive than I feel right now. I wrote poems that I consider to be sometimes beautiful (sometimes egocentric and crappy), and I connected with sad songs on a level I cannot describe. Feeling strongly, even in a negative way, and being different can make you feel like a tragic artist, and even if our stories aren't heralded after we're gone you should know that there are many people in ****ty situations all over the world, and this is your story to complete, and statistically it is VERY likely that you will experience some more happy moments in your life, as well as crushing episodes of despair and crisis. Thus is life.

On the other side, going to therapy and taking medication can lift your spirits, but know that it does take hard work and commitment, but that you have the ability to put the effort out and improve, and most importantly be PATIENT with yourself. My father always tells me this, and it helps me when I fail- I tell myself to be patient with myself. Don't beat yourself up over things. Failure is a part of life, and it doesn't make you a less valuable person...in fact it's what makes a person to begin with.

I hope you feel better, and my thoughts are with you<3


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## walkerbonbon (Jun 2, 2010)

Can you do something to give you a new purpose? Maybe you could think of taking a few classes at a community college towards some career that interests you. Or maybe a technical school, cooking school, nursing school, beauty school? Dog grooming? Woriking at an animal shelter or a vet's office? 

What sort of things interest you? Start from there and see if you could incorporate a career into it.

You are young and you can try so many cool things. It doesn't have to be forever, but you could try something for a few months and see if you like it.

It's scary for everyone after high school, honey. I think everyone feels overwhelmed. i was scared to death and I was definitely headed on a career path.

Oh and Congratulations graduate! What a wonderful accomplishment! and to do this with the struggles of SA, you are fantastic!


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## madipenny21 (Jan 7, 2013)

*I want to die*

Im not sure how this works all I know is I have no one to talk to.... my dad left me as a child my mom thinks im drinking and partying when I try zo hard to achieve my goals. My boyfriend of 2years dumped me because he wants to have sex with this girl. My mom wants me to live with my dad who beat her and she doesnt want me. I feel dark I side.... everyone at school calls me a **** when ive never done anything to imply that. My ex tried to rape me. My bestfriend hates me and he messes with my head.. I use to cut myself and it doesnt work anymore. I sleep more tban half the day because i hate reality. I see a knife or a car and think how easy it be to end it all. I am a valedictorian and yet my mom could care less. I try so hard and yet go un noticed. I feel like if I die it wouldn't matter and it be so easy ... I can't have a perminent solution to a temporary problem. :/ I have no one


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## Isabelle50 (Nov 19, 2012)

have you seen a doctor about this? I was also hopeless and feeling suicidal but I found help...


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## miminka (May 10, 2009)

:squeeze hang in there, give yourself time and space to heal. you're going through something you'll have to accept you have limited control over. be patient with the recovery process- be kind to yourself and take things one at a time. 

it's so easy to be overwhelmed when you've reached a pivotal point in your life like you have. trust me, im where you are now. it's important to remember that you're still young, and you have a lot ahead of you- a lot of time for growth and learning and change.


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## leroyjenkins (Jan 13, 2013)

*hmm*

before continuing any further, please respond to this so we all know:

*what do you enjoy? *

doesn't have to be a hobby or something cliche like that.

a lot of the world does suck, especially when you're out there on your own with no one to look towards, converse with, etc. on the other side, the more you find out what you don't like, the more you'll eventually be lead towards finding what you enjoy/like in life.

it's a long road, but doing random things in life usually does give way to finding something you enjoy, even if _every _single random thing you try blows.

so let us know what you enjoy. even if the answer is nothing, just post that too.


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## mnmolino (Jan 12, 2013)

Don't die. You're too important.
You may not believe me, but you have an affect on people's lives. You are posting on this site, and people read it, and people care.
Random people who you may not know, like me, care.
Life requires for us to experience pain so that we can feel joy. Find a joyful memory and hold onto it when you feel down. And remember that joy will come again, there is hope. You wil be happy again. but first you just got to "put one foot in front of the other, and then you'll be walking out the door."


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## Drex (Jan 12, 2013)

mnmolino said:


> Don't die. You're too important.
> You may not believe me, but you have an affect on people's lives. You are posting on this site, and people read it, and people care.
> Random people who you may not know, like me, care.
> Life requires for us to experience pain so that we can feel joy. Find a joyful memory and hold onto it when you feel down. And remember that joy will come again, there is hope. You wil be happy again. but first you just got to "put one foot in front of the other, and then you'll be walking out the door."


Couldn't agree more, you posted here, amongst people who felt it and care for whoever is passing through some hard times as you do now.
I used to think that if i died I would probably just affect 3 people (parents and brother), but then i changed the perspecitve of it, thinking in a way that if you touch 1 persons life in any way so that this person would cry when your gone, your life is worth way more than you know it. You are definetily worth living. Nothing lasts forever, even the pain and sorrow your feeling right now.
I like to think that pain/grief/etc is a transitory state to overcoming yourself in a way to become a better person.


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## AlphaHydrae (Jun 15, 2011)

A job.. There are fresh graduates who still work in McDonald's . A job is a job, you need to feed yourself, even if you have to die, you have to work first. That being said, I know it's tough. Try your best, no employers will ever know of your problems and if they refuse you, you will never see them again. Friends are always hard to come by. That's why I find my friends online. They are more supportive.


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## groundphobia (Sep 20, 2012)

school is ****, don't think it makes you, get some hobbies (surfing, whatever really) and check up with therapist or whatever so they can give you some meds cuz u got some mild depression going on. think about going to college though? That can keep you occupied for another 4+ years lol.


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## groundphobia (Sep 20, 2012)

btw dont worry about this boyfriend stuff and all. I've never had a girlfriend, i mean i get frusterated but im not going to let it bother me. quit caring about being social and make urself a badass. life doesnt have to be about being social.


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