# Question for people who think they're ugly (BDD)



## vicente

What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?

Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?

Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


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## nothing to fear

but when guys have said i am pretty (very very few).. i just don't believe it, i think they say it to be nice or to try to get closer (i.e. get in my pants). 

but i think i am actually ugly, despite that.


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## Kanashi

I tend to completly ignore it.....Seriously I AM ONE UGLY PERSON....There is no hope for people like me....I like to joke around about it, makes it feel better....


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## Drella

No one compliments me on my physical appearance, I actually am ugly. My own grandmother couldn't even lie about my ugliness. On Christmas a few years ago, she tried to compliment me so she said, "You look pret-...your hair looks nice." Couldn't even force the word out. If I'm complimented by anyone online it's because I'm "unconventional" looking. Yeah... polite way of saying ugly. No one could ever find me attractive. I'm disgusting.


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## FairleighCalm

Is that you in your avatar?


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## AJFA88

whenever i get a compliment i tend to obcess about it. I'd think about it for hours, wondering whether they really meant that he/she said. I dont consider myself ugly, nor attractive. Just average, eventhough rarely girls stare back at me or even notice me...which sometimes leads me to believe im not good looking. 

sometimes depending on the person who said the compliment i'd consider taking it seriously. if it comes from ANY family member, they're just being polite. if it comes from a co-worker(of the opposite sex), they're just saying it to gain something in favor, and if it comes from a friend(which...dont have) i might consider it taking it serious depending how she said it, and if its from a stranger i'd think they're just joking.


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## Drella

FairleighCalm said:


> Is that you in your avatar?


I wish.


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## pariahgirl

I don't think I'm very attractive, if I do get a nice comment about how I look I usually think they are either being polite, or joking. Don't really think it's BDD though.


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## palecadude

I just ignore it, though it's happened too few times to really remember


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## tainted_

I either ignore it, deny it, or get annoyed/upset because I convince myself that the only reason they would say that would be that they were thinking I was ugly and said it because they felt sorry for me or just to be ironic..? I dont know... its hard to describe how my thought patterns work...


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## tainted_

Auron said:


> whenever i get a compliment i tend to obcess about it. I'd think about it for hours, wondering whether they really meant that he/she said. I dont consider myself ugly, nor attractive. Just average, eventhough rarely girls stare back at me or even notice me...which sometimes leads me to believe im not good looking.
> 
> sometimes depending on the person who said the compliment i'd consider taking it seriously. if it comes from ANY family member, they're just being polite. if it comes from a co-worker(of the opposite sex), they're just saying it to gain something in favor, and if it comes from a friend(which...dont have) i might consider it taking it serious depending how she said it, and if its from a stranger i'd think they're just joking.


Just so you know if thats you in your display pic... I think you are really attractive and I would look twice at you if I saw you on the street... 
ops


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## LostinReverie

vicente said:


> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


That would be me, but I don't have BDD. I have a very realistic view of what I look like compared to the rest of mankind.


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## estelle85

tainted_ said:


> Auron said:
> 
> 
> 
> whenever i get a compliment i tend to obcess about it. I'd think about it for hours, wondering whether they really meant that he/she said. I dont consider myself ugly, nor attractive. Just average, eventhough rarely girls stare back at me or even notice me...which sometimes leads me to believe im not good looking.
> 
> sometimes depending on the person who said the compliment i'd consider taking it seriously. if it comes from ANY family member, they're just being polite. if it comes from a co-worker(of the opposite sex), they're just saying it to gain something in favor, and if it comes from a friend(which...dont have) i might consider it taking it serious depending how she said it, and if its from a stranger i'd think they're just joking.
> 
> 
> 
> Just so you know if thats you in your display pic... I think you are really attractive and I would look twice at you if I saw you on the street...
> ops
Click to expand...

I AGREE YOUR REALLY ATTRACTIVE. you have nice features..and BELIEVE me..im not trying to gain any favors from u or trying to do anything.just a genuine true compliment. u better believe it dude.


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## HoboQueen

I just agree with them and pretend I think I'm good looking. Why not? It's like acting. I'm not actually delusional. I know what I look like. Of course there's also the people who say I have a "pretty face" which is code for "you'd be pretty if you weren't fat". That annoys me a bit.


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## User57854

I've been approached a couple times in the past, but I don't remember ever being complimented on my appearance (not that it would've mattered). I imagine I'd just shrug it off if it happened.

Good from afar, but far from good - that's how I see myself. Is that BDD? I dunno.


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## nothing to fear

well when i analyze, i do actually believe two of the guys who told me were being honest, for certain reasons. so maybe to those two people, i am pretty, but to everyone else and myself i'm ugly. and "pretty" doesn't mean that much.. does it? :/


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## AJFA88

estelle85 said:


> tainted_ said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Auron said:
> 
> 
> 
> whenever i get a compliment i tend to obcess about it. I'd think about it for hours, wondering whether they really meant that he/she said. I dont consider myself ugly, nor attractive. Just average, eventhough rarely girls stare back at me or even notice me...which sometimes leads me to believe im not good looking.
> 
> sometimes depending on the person who said the compliment i'd consider taking it seriously. if it comes from ANY family member, they're just being polite. if it comes from a co-worker(of the opposite sex), they're just saying it to gain something in favor, and if it comes from a friend(which...dont have) i might consider it taking it serious depending how she said it, and if its from a stranger i'd think they're just joking.
> 
> 
> 
> Just so you know if thats you in your display pic... I think you are really attractive and I would look twice at you if I saw you on the street...
> ops
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I AGREE YOUR REALLY ATTRACTIVE. you have nice features..and BELIEVE me..im not trying to gain any favors from u or trying to do anything.just a genuine true compliment. u better believe it dude.
Click to expand...

Its just a picture. There are many details missing. the lightening makes my skin look white, but in reality im light-brown. but anyways...i really appreciate the comment... :thanks i've posted a couple of pics on that picture thread and no one ever makes me a comment :con .

in true reality, its on the eye of the beholder to decide whether one looks good or not. There was this girl i dated for a couple of months, and my brother and mom asked me why i dated her because she's so skinny and bad looking, but in my opinion she was very cute, plus her shy personality just made me like her more ops


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## vicente

you have bad taste in women.


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## pita

On the very rare occasion that somebody other than my significant other tells me I'm attractive (and I kind of think my boyfriend is attracted to ugly women), I don't believe it. If it's another woman paying the 'compliment', I assume she just likes my clothes or she's just trying to be nice or something like that. If it's a man paying the compliment, I assume he thinks I'm an ugly woman with no self esteem, and he just wants to have sex with me because he will have sex with anything. It's a very sexist viewpoint, but unfortunately it has happened to me before.


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## nothing to fear

glas said:


> I remember when I was a young kid my mom would introduce me to people she knew and always their first comment was usually always about how I'm "so pretty". Recently (like a couple of months ago) one of my mom's friends who hasn't seen me in a long time said. "She's so freaking beautiful!" in front of me. (They are just doing that to be nice, maybe they feel sorry my mom has an ugly daughter.) While people at school have called me ugly. I have no idea what I believe anymore cuz I have no idea what I look like. It is NOT BDD. I posted a message here on the photos board for a few people to critique my face, my features... and it turns out that many of the things people brought up about what was "wrong" or "ugly" about my face... are the same things I really hate about myself, so I'm not imagining my own ugliness... it's there. And it kind of upset me, I know some people are LYING. BC someone PMed me for the pictures, I sent them and I get tons of compliments... then I go to the photos board are there are like a bunch of comments made by the same guy about how all these ugly girls on the board are "hot." I HATE LIARS. >< ANd I'm not gonna lie... ugly people DO exist. I've seen tons.
> I also take A LOT (1000s) of pics of myself .. and it's so weird how I can come out attractive in some of them and absolutely hideous and others. I guess that means... I'm "borderline pretty" since I'm able to look good in _some_ pictures... but definitely not BEAUTIFUL/GORGEOUS, then I would look hot in ALL pictures.
> I want to be the most beautiful person in the world to _someone,_ cuz I guess I can't be good looking to everyone... or the majority. (Beautiful as in MEGAN FOX...) My dream is to look like this:  http://i30.tinypic.com/211m1kw.jpg I get so jealous at school cuz the guys are always taking about HOT girls right in front of me. LIKE AM I NOT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU???


i think even if you are "ugly" (i've seen your picture, you are not) you can still have BDD because it is more about the obsession with your appearance, rather than what you look like, and you clearly seem to spend so much time and energy obsessing about what you look like. in the end, it gets no where. you cannot change what you look like, and even if you do get plastic surgery it won't fix your obsession, you'll just continue look at other possible "flaws" and you will never get to a point where you look good enough for your standards. 
i'm not sure why i'm saying this because i do the same (though not that extreme) and i am considering getting plastic surgery if i have the money. even though i know i can't change my appearance i constantly have to examine myself to find out what i actually look like.. since my perception and appearance seems to be constantly changing over the years.. it's kind of frustrating.


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## nothing to fear

i think even if people tell me i'm pretty, the negative responses (or when i know they're lying) definitely outweigh the positive. when i told my therapist how ugly i am in response she said "you are very attractive.. you have nice skin.. and hair". :sus my complection is very uneven, i have to wear foundation but even so you can still see some redness and dark circles under my eyes. my hair isn't nice either, it's too thick. so the fact that those are apparently my "best" features shows just how hideous my other features must be. the only "good" thing about myself is my body, and it's not even that great at all.


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## X33

Clearly, they are being polite.
Actually, I would be a pretty decent looking guy if it were not for my ridiculous nose :lol


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## Traeynne

i constantly struggle between wondering if i'm pretty or ugly. i have this weird self-obsession war ragin inside me. Sometimes i feel superior to everyone else and like i'm hot ****, that all the guys think i'm hot and like me, etc., and then most of the time i'm really low and think i'm ugly, that i look mannish, that i look greasy and slovenly, that i'm funny looking and my eyes look funny. SO i never know which way i'm deluding myself. sometimes i just sit in front of the mirror (ok, like every day) and just flit back and forth- wow you're beautiful, god you're ugly, one after the other. When someone (either a, my compliment-giving best friend or b, old ladies my mom kknows) says something nice about me, i usually blush, look at something far away and pretend not to hear, or say a robotic thank you and think bitterly about how they're lying to get something. i have never been told by a guy that i'm pretty, come to think of it. not even one that likes me. oh, some guy i grade 7 said i had a nice as and boob- both no longer true and not really good anyways. plus i dont know if i'm normal or fat, and i dont know...

sorry for that rant


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## TheGecko

Nobody in real life has ever said anything positive about my appearance, but if they did it would make me feel bad because I don't like it when people are extremely insincere to try and make me feel better. I don't have BDD though, I'm just weird looking - freckles, squinty eyes, dumb hair and strange ears.


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## Polar

LostInReverie said:


> vicente said:
> 
> 
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)
> 
> 
> 
> That would be me, but I don't have BDD. I have a very realistic view of what I look like compared to the rest of mankind.
Click to expand...

How much do you pay those professional artists to manipulate the pictures you are posting of yourself?


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## LostinReverie

I do it myself, thank you.


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## quietgal

Yeah, I know what you mean about those compliments-that-aren't-really-compliments...

Damned by faint praise.

Nothing to fear - what's wrong with thick hair? I'd kill to have thicker hair.


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## nothing to fear

quietgal said:


> Nothing to fear - what's wrong with thick hair? I'd kill to have thicker hair.


it's not that bad it's just incredibly hard to manage. for most of high school i was lazy and put it up (which made me look even worse than usual), now i use a powerful straightener that heats up to 410F to get it to look good. i could leave it naturally but it would be way too huge and pouffy.
but yeah.. everyone tells me it will be a good thing when i'm in my 60s and my hair won't be thinning. i just wish i had figured out how to manage it right much earlier.. i would have had more confidence in high school if i did.


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## nightmahr

Having thick hair can make you feel awful. I didn't do anything with mine until senior year of high school because I was afraid of looking 'gay' (guys ****ing scare me, although I feel a little less vulnerable now), so it puffed out like crazy and I got a lot of unwanted attention because of it. I braid it now every time I leave the house, but it's still really annoying and it would be nice to be able to wear it down and look good.

And it doesn't mean it won't fall out. That's all how much dihydrotestosterone you have in your scalp, not your hair type.


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## quietgal

I used to be on the swim team in high school so my hair was always really dry. I had quite a lot of it though, but I could never really do anything with it because it's just naturally stick-straight and always falls the same way no matter what I do. Now it's become more like my mom's - sort of thin and fine, and flat...I can't do anything at all with it. I'm always envious of people with nice, volumous, thick hair. It's easier for people with thick hair to thin it down a bit, but it's impossible to go in the opposite direction.


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## tainted_

You could wear hair extensions (clip in) to add volume or curl it?


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## quietgal

Yeah I could do that. Wish I didn't have to though. I'm used to never doing anything to my hair - so these days it's usually quite short.


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## shyman1918

I usually ignore or laugh people's 'handsome' comments off. Of course relatives will compliment me (boo-r-ing) and I'll blush it off. But when I'm alone, I'll think about it. Funny thing is, I don't want to look like some buff dillweed who wants to lay every woman he meets. I just want to be an average guy. The only problem is that in America, and in some other corners of the world, 'average' means you're a loner, and a loner means you're not hip and probably a terrorist (in W's eyes)


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## Half_A_Person

I've gotten called pretty four times in my life. Except one time the person was angry at a friend of mine and he said I was prettier than her just to piss her off. So that doesn't really count. Another time the person just wanted to cheer me up, so that doesn't count either. 

I just figured they were being nice and polite or maybe they felt bad for me. I don't have BDD though because I am %100 sure I'm ugly.


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## Michael W

a few girls have told me that I have pretty eyes. I shrug it off though because the rest of me is ugly. I'm 6'3" and weigh 150 pounds. I look like I'm anorexic and people always ask me if I ever eat, I eat like a damn horse but I still stay WAY too skinny, I almost wasn't let into the Army because I was underweight.

whenever I've complained about this people always say "I wish I had your problem", NO! You don't! I look weak and frail in a society where men are supposed to look strong and muscular to be considered atrractive, and nothing ever fixes it, Army basic training didn't fix it, eating 3 heaping meals a day doesn't fix it


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## nothing to fear

Michael W said:


> a few girls have told me that I have pretty eyes. I shrug it off though because the rest of me is ugly. I'm 6'3" and weigh 150 pounds. I look like I'm anorexic and people always ask me if I ever eat, I eat like a damn horse but I still stay WAY too skinny, I almost wasn't let into the Army because I was underweight.
> 
> whenever I've complained about this people always say "I wish I had your problem", NO! You don't! *I look weak and frail in a society where men are supposed to look strong and muscular to be considered atrractive*, and nothing ever fixes it, Army basic training didn't fix it, eating 3 heaping meals a day doesn't fix it


that is not true at all, being skinny does not make a guy unattractive. actually most guys i know around my age are very thin and bordering on being underweight (or they are underweight) and i still consider them hot/sexy/cute/attractive.
personally i prefer really skinny to really really muscular body types. :stu


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## maxcor211

My mom says I am pretty. I tell her she is just lying and she tells me that she not. She says that if she didn't think I was pretty she wouldn't say anything. I think I am ugly though.


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## PlayerOffGames

i think theyre trying to be nice


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## nubly

some women find me attractive others dont. i think its the same with everyone. if i get a compliment i ignore it because i get embarrased.


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## ANCIENT

i ignore it, because i know its not true. people just try to be nice.


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## venusfruit

I have BDD. I've been calling myself ugly since I was a child. I don't believe people when they tell me I'm pretty, even though they tell me this all the time. Only a couple of guys have insulted my face, yet these are the comments that I focus on. It's devastating when someone confirms a negative belief you have about yourself. You'll never get the comment out of your mind. 

I started bodybuilding at the age of 16 because a few people told me I was too skinny. I went to the tanning salon because I thought a tan would make me more attractive. I would even dress provocatively because I wanted to turn everyone's attention away from my face. My acne certainly didn't help. I used to try to cover my face with my long hair. I developed a habit of keeping my head down in public.

I'm still self-conscious over my face. I'm obsessed over trying to have the perfect body. I'm always exercising and worrying about weight gain. I try to tell myself to accept the way that I look, but it's hard.


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## TheGecko

Is it still counted as BDD if you are actually ugly? I think my low self esteem comes from how much I detest my appearance.


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## quat

I really no longer give a **** what people think anymore. I used to be so hung up about how i looked. Now that I don't care, it's built an air of confidence. The funny thing is, no matter how bad you think you look if you get rid of those hangups, especially if you're worried about the opposite sex you will find a majority of the time people go for self confidence over looks.


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## venusfruit

I love it when attractive people don't have too much confidence. A lot of confidence can be false and I see right through that bull$#hit.


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## crazyg

nothing to fear said:


> when i told my therapist how ugly i am in response she said "you are very attractive.. you have nice skin.. and hair". :sus my complection is very uneven, i have to wear foundation but even so you can still see some redness and dark circles under my eyes. my hair isn't nice either, it's too thick. so the fact that those are apparently my "best" features shows just how hideous my other features must be. the only "good" thing about myself is my body, and it's not even that great at all.


I think this is kind of an interesting analysis of what your therapist said. Maybe you see your complexion and your hair as your 'worse' features but since your therapist thought they were your best, maybe even your so-called 'worst' features are pretty nice. When it really comes down to it, beauty is extremely subjective. Infact, ideas of beauty vary greatly between cultures. I have very pale skin and while it's not appreciated in Western cultures, it is coveted in some parts of the world. There can be some extreme differences between what is and what is not beautiful and who is to say which one is right? You'll never get a well-defined idea of beauty so it always baffles me that we all worry about it so much (myself included.)


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## endtroducing

When anyone compliments me, I seem to take it very confidently. I look them in the eyes, and clearly say "Thanks!". But, that's just on the outside. I truly believe anyone who compliments my appearance is lying, or has some underlying motive. I don't accept them as truths, so I never think about them again.


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## quat

venusfruit said:


> I love it when attractive people don't have too much confidence. A lot of confidence can be false and I see right through that bull$#hit.


Try it for a week, just be overconfident in how you look, if it sucks, it sucks and don't try it again. For 7 days pretend you're the hottest thing on the f&*king planet.


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## venusfruit

quat said:


> venusfruit said:
> 
> 
> 
> I love it when attractive people don't have too much confidence. A lot of confidence can be false and I see right through that bull$#hit.
> 
> 
> 
> Try it for a week, just be overconfident in how you look, if it sucks, it sucks and don't try it again. For 7 days pretend you're the hottest thing on the f&*king planet.
Click to expand...

Actually, the times that I felt attractive were the times I noticed a lot more people checking me out. I always wondered if it was illusion on my part, or just a matter of me having more confidence. Good point.


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## ThomP

vincente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?


Never been called that, which isn't confidence inspiring...



nightmahr said:


> Having thick hair can make you feel awful.


Having no or little hair (like me) can make you feel awful, too.. and it makes you feel like you look crappy.


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## Zephyr

GordonGecko said:


> Is it still counted as BDD if you are actually ugly? I think my low self esteem comes from how much I detest my appearance.


 :ditto

Oh and in answer to your question...no, I don't think it would 'count' as BDD.


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## DB71991

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


nobody has told me face to face. a few people have told me im "cute" over the internet, but i think that there were just saying that to make me feel better. i think that their just trying to be nice, but i know that thay don't actually mean it.


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## Black_Widow

I always think that they're only saying that because I nearly always wear make up which makes my facial features look alot better than they truly are. As it wasn't until I started wearing it, that I started receiving any compliments on how I looked from the opposite sex. 

My partner is always insisting this isn't true. And I do believe he genuinely does think that I'm naturally pretty. But at the same time it totally beats me as to how he thinks that - as just can't see the same qualities that he does.


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## nothing to fear

Black_Widow said:


> I always think that they're only saying that because I nearly always wear make up which makes my facial features look alot better than they truly are. As it wasn't until I started wearing it, that I started receiving any compliments on how I looked from the opposite sex.
> 
> My partner is always insisting this isn't true. And I do believe he genuinely does think that I'm naturally pretty. But at the same time it totally beats me as to how he thinks that - as just can't see the same qualities that he does.


i feel like that too. the only times i've gotten compliments from most people have been when i've worn make up and nice clothing. it makes me feel okay that it's working but at the same time i know i have to keep up making myself look good or i will look much uglier. it terrifies me when i think about growing old and losing my "looks" (even if i'm not close to being very attractive).
i haven't believe guys either when i've been told i'm pretty.. i stare at myself in the mirror and look at a ton of pictures of me and i still don't think my face is attractive. then i have to wreck my brain figuring out why they would possibly say it if it wasn't true.


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## Black_Widow

nothing to fear said:


> i feel like that too. the only times i've gotten compliments from most people have been when i've worn make up and nice clothing. it makes me feel okay that it's working but at the same time i know i have to keep up making myself look good or i will look much uglier. it terrifies me when i think about growing old and losing my "looks" (even if i'm not close to being very attractive).
> i haven't believe guys either when i've been told i'm pretty.. i stare at myself in the mirror and look at a ton of pictures of me and i still don't think my face is attractive. then i have to wreck my brain figuring out why they would possibly say it if it wasn't true.


That's exactly the same as me. Whenever I'm out anywhere in public, I'm forever worrying that my make up is wearing off, and freshening it up - in the fear that people will start seeing what's really underneath and will think I'm ugly. Even though I wonder why I care what so many others in the world think about that, when I'll never know them. And realise that most of the time it's highly unlikely people are giving me that degree of attention anyway.

I worry about the ageing process too. I know it's something that everybody has to go through. And really wish I wasn't so hung up about it. But I obsess about this loads.


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## Fanciful Unicorn

I don't believe anyone that tells me I'm attractive/pretty/ect. I actually get pretty angry and tell people NOT to compliment me. I can't handle it, it feels like they're trying to pull a prank on me or something. I hate being lied to.


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## Hot Chocolate

When I was young, I was kind of cute and pretty, many guys and even my cousins wanted to get to know me. But puberty hits and I start to grow fat and my face was full of pimples so I got bullied constantly and people were saying mean things about my pimples and how ugly I looked. My face was oily too and it didn't help much.

I am now of average weight and I've cleared my pimples but because of depression and a lot of losing weight (I once got down to underweight but gained back most of it, people told me I was cute and there were guys starting to take notice of me) I became average looking now I guess. 

But If I lost most of my weight, I could get back my looks coupled with some grooming. BUT!

I consider myself disgustingly average looking. It means I look disgusting, perhaps because of my teeth or whatever. I am not very confident of my looks either. For now, I don't get any attention from guys or girls alike. I am just myself


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## Marina77

I go to see a counsellor for general anxiety etc, I 've always had a serious hangup about the way I look but have been getting over it in recent years. Only to be told today by my counsellor that I wasn' _particularly_ ugly and was average. She sad Im not going to tell you you're pretty ie she wasn't going to lie to me. After spending years trying to accept myself and a counsellor tells me this. Im devastated and deeply hurt. I know Im old enough to not worry aout this kind of thing, but there you are. Has anyone else had a therapist give such negative appraisals?


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## JGreenwood

I can't remember the last time I got a genuine compliment. Being disgustingly ugly does that.


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## mooncake

I think either they must be lying to me in a patronising sort of way, or, if my confidence is a little higher than usual, that they must be viewing me from a deceptively good angle on an exceedingly rare 'better than normal' skin, hair, etc., day. I'd have a hard time believing that they sincerely meant the compliment, or had actually seen me properly.

(old thread!)


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## laura024

GordonGecko said:


> Is it still counted as BDD if you are actually ugly? I think my low self esteem comes from how much I detest my appearance.


Well technically it's an imagined or minor flaw in one's appearance that a person obsesses about. If someone really is objectively unattractive, then their view is rather realistic I suppose. But they'll need some therapy.


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## TunaMelt89

When I put in effort to look decent and go out in society and I get compliments from friends I kinda believe it. Stares at the mirror and call myself a bad b*tch, then I go out and see tons of pretty girls and revert to me looking like a tall ugly amazon freak.


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## au Lait

Honestly, to someone with BDD any form of reassurance (be it a compliment, or whatever) is like a drug. It's like sometimes I will literally be bouncing around and giddy after someone compliments me on my looks. But after the high wears off, I'll crash and fall right back into self-loathing. All it takes is one look in the mirror to remind me that I hate the way I look. Then my brain will start over thinking and the BDD thoughts kick in..."they didn't mean it", "they were just being nice", "they just didn't want to hurt my feelings", etc. BDD will find a way to nullify almost any compliment if you let it. 

One thing I have to teach myself is how to accept a compliment and not let BDD ruin it.


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## heroin

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?


"Let's cut to the chase. What do you want?"



vicente said:


> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?


I think they want something so they're trying to butter me up. Or that they're just being nice out of pity for the sad old lonely guy there.



vicente said:


> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


Quite a few guys have said it. Women have never. In real life.


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## She

I am fairly convinced that everyone who has told me I am attractive was doing it to be nice or polite, besides maybe by significant others (and even then I'm only sure about my current boyfriend) who I'm pretty sure just are attracted to ugly women? 
A lot of the time I just feel like people are saying it to me because they know I think I'm ugly (because they can see that I am) and want to make me feel better..


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## slightlyawkward

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


I automatically assume that they are being polite/lying.


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## Jessie203

I assume they're lying. Trying to be nice, or just trying to get some ***. Like they mean to say "You're pretty - BUT for your ____ and _____"


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## tutliputli

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


I do believe that they mean whatever they said. I can vaguely see what someone might find attractive about me. However, I still loathe the way I look much of the time.


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## JadedCalalily

I ignore it.


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## arpeggiator

No one has told me that I'm cute or attractive. I know I'm not attractive, but now my doubt is if I'm ugly or just average. No way to know since I don't trust mirrors, they can be manipulated.
A few months ago I wanted to be perfect for a particular girl. I lost 22 pounds (10 kg). Waste of time. My other flaws masked any improvement in my looks. However I'm still losing weight.


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## Blue4ever

Whenever I get a compliment like that I just think to myself "ya right"....there must be some motive for a person to tell me I look good. Either because they are my friend and want me to come out with them as there "wingwoman" or a guy because he wants to sleep with me because he is desperate. I know there are less attractive people than me with a positive attitude, but that doesn't seem to change my perspective of myself. I always think people just see my flaws..which is all that I focus on.


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## Crystalline

I think that the person's just trying to get on my good side.


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## Mister Mxyzptlk

I ignore it, because i know they're just trying to be nice. I've been called ugly by a lot of my old high school classmates most of the time in form of jokes, and i believe them instead of the ones who compliment me.


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## crystaltears

I've been called ugly many times when I was a kid because of my hair.
The last time I was complimented was when I went to my Grad Breakfast in a dress. Usually I dress plain/casually unlike other girls, so that's probably why they noticed me.


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## Trololo

I obsess about my looks all the time, to the point where I can't leave the house sometimes. I don't know if I'm ugly or not, but I just want to forget about it and not be checking the mirror every minute. I think most people who compliment me are saying it to be polite, but it still raises my self esteem somewhat so I don't really mind..


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## Duane

I modestly say, "thank you, back at you, cutie," and take her or his (a couple of times) word for it.


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## Stilla

Depends on how I'm feeling. 
If I'm having a bad day I won't but if it's a day I feel good about myself I do. 
At least I've learned to say thank you now regardless of how I'm feeling instead to just shrug it off like I did in the past.


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## Kennnie

i had multiple girls say i was sexy but i just tend to ignore it or chose not to believe it


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## Chivor

I usually just brush off a compliment with a joke.
I am trying to change this and just say "thanks".


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## Duane

Chivor said:


> I usually just brush off a compliment with a joke.
> I am trying to change this and just say "thanks".


Learn to take compliments. Brushing them off is off-putting to the giver.


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## Tawnee

Few people outside my family call me pretty or beautiful, and when they do my first thought is always that they are being polite. But then I try to get over that first initial reaction and try to believe their words as genuine. It's hard sometimes though.


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## Hello22

I don't think i'm attractive, but i think that is mainly to do with my extremely low self esteem that i seem to have gathered in previous years.

However when i do get a compliment, i usually get embarrassed or something.

What i see in the mirror must be different to what others see. I look in the mirror and say 'damn you are ugly'. I concentrate on my flaws. Hence my depression.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

I'll believe it for a little while, and it'll do wonders for my self esteem. But then after a day or two my psyche will start to find little negative triggers that re-inforce the idea that I'm unattractive or whatever and I'll be back to being down on myself.

It's something I'm getting more of a hold on of recent but it's tough to build a healthy self image without the requesite reference experiences, and being expected to intitiate most of those kind of things (as a guy) is a tough thing to do. Especially with the added insecurities of social anxiety, but I don't like making excuses.

(^By the way Hello22, I hope it doesn't embarrass you or anything but you are very pretty )


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## rctriplefresh5

nothing to fear said:


> but when guys have said i am pretty (very very few).. i just don't believe it, i think they say it to be nice or to try to get closer (i.e. get in my pants).
> 
> but i think i am actually ugly, despite that.


if you were ugly not even guys would want in your pants.


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## someguy8

I dont think thinking you are ugly automatically means you have BDD if thats what the title is suggesting.


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## fredbloggs02

When my family say my nose looks Greek or I look handsome or whatever I feel they say it to account for my insecurity. Noone compliments my sister as much usually and I know she's good looking. Maybe she knows it too which is why they don't. Anyone outside my family complimening me me makes me suspicious, it doesn't take up my life analyzing though because honestly, I'd rather be uglier to most people and good looking to maybe one or two, which is why people are born with anything they call a struggle because it grants their life meaning. I don't want to be proud of how I am naturally, it doesn't define me. Most of what I am I diddn't earn, I was born that way and I'm left without meaning in any of it. It just am and most people just aren't. What does that mean though? That doesn't make me strong or courageous or courteous or for that matter modest. One thing I hope to god it doesn't mean is that the meaning is self-fulfilling because that isn't good enough to me. "The others at least had the courage to try." I'm a cheat if anything. There's a difference between someone who radiates confidence in themselves and someone simply aesthetically pleasing though and the confidence is more important because without that, the latter is meaningless.


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## i just want luv

People tell me I look mad/sad/druged/disfigured/ugly/dumb/serial killer/creature way more times then a compliment- cute/ good. I feel it as pity.
I try to change myself everyday then I give up then repeat trying to change again comparing faces, studying expressions. its a mental jail


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## Aarmin

Aww, there is someone in this thread that I have seen a picture of and I think she is very VERY attractive. But I'm not going to say who, in fear of..

My grandmother has said I am 'handsome', but I KNOW she is just being nice (even though she doesn't realize it just makes things even harder on me). I've had the 'good looking' remark before, but I'm sure he was just trying to help me feel better.

That leaves this question, "_am I ugly_" that I constantly play in my mind day-to-day. It doesn't help that I have an un-natural smile so I hardly ever smile. If only I could just smile.


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## IppikiOokami

I never really viewed myself as being ugly, until I turned fourteen and acne started showing up on my face. Now I can't stand the sight of myself.


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## ErichFranz

I suffer from BDD. I've actually had a lot of people say I was good looking. As well as a select few who detested the way I look. When people compliment my appearance it makes me feel good, but it doesn't convince me. I still think I'm ugly regardless of what anyone says. I believe that the way other people see me is completely different from the way I see myself. Why else would people say I looked good even though I think I'm hideous? I like to think that the attractive me is how the world views me and that the me I see when I look in the mirror is just a delusion.


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## TPower

If I were a woman I'd find myself attractive, but I don't tend to believe people see me as _handsome_.

My ex thought I was extremely handsome, but while I trusted her honesty, it just sounded weird to hear it. Maybe I am indeed handsome, but I never catch girls glancing at me.


----------



## Breathing Sludge

People dont tell me nice things like that. Then again no one tells me anything. I see myself as ugly. I think others see me as average or just another forgettable face. 

Anyway , in the past, Ive never believed compliments. It would take a long heartfelt compliment to fool me.


----------



## purplefruit

I think I'm hideous but I don't think I have BDD? Not sure what "symptoms" indicate BDD though.

The people who have told me I'm beautiful/good lucking are: Some random *kid* on my street who yelled at me from afar after passing me on the street ("hey...you're beautifullllllllllll"). And my uncle who is kind of wacko and was likely drunk.

So, once someone who is a)sane and b)not 10 years old compliments my appearance, I'll tell you my reaction :lol


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## mcmuffinme

if it's a person who means it platonically i think they're saying it to be nice, and perhaps they pity me, or notice that my self-esteem is a bit busted. Otherwise, I generally assume the guys that hit on me are just horn-dogs that'll take anything with a vagina and just want something to get them off and all that.

I don't think I qualify for BDD, but I do feel self-conscious about my appearance often.


----------



## heartofchambers

my family or the people I am around the most consists of 3 people. If any of them happen to say I look pretty/attractive/or beautiful, I automatically know that it is BS. I do this because there was a time when someone outside of my family said that I look like my mom, that we have similar noses. Later on my mom asked me "does my nose really look like that?" as she gazed at mine. & other similar stories with the other members of my family. Besides them I have had a few people call me good looking over the internet & I do not take it seriously. not because it was online but because of the context it was in.
anyway I know that I am not an attractive person. I've seen pictures of some people in here and they are hot as **** so I can't believe that ****. I understand though but I'd rather be the person who is attractive typing that they are not attractive than the person who is unattractive typing that they are actually unattractive, lol C'est la vie.


----------



## lucyinthesky

My views of how I look have always taken precedent over what others say. To be honest no one ever really says much anyway... I've always been the boring one out of my friends, everyone has always called my sister the good looking one, and me the academic anti-social one... I grew up with my family saying I was ugly and my skin rubbish etc... my parents never told me I was beautiful or any of that normal stuff  But BDD, yay. I'm trying to get over it... getting better with posting photos on here. Well, I lie. I've kept an avatar up but nothing else for more than a minute, haha.


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## FrenchGuy

Some days I feel beautiful, other days I feel ugly. I hate the way I look in pictures..


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## miminka

It depends what the context is. If it's immediately after I've said something effacing about my appearance then I assume it's just to make me feel better and they felt it was expected. If I'm just arbitrarily approached on the street and given a compliment on my overall appearance I might feel a slight confidence boost until I view myself in a reflective surface long enough to assess their complement and to come, once again, to the inevitable conclusion that they were wrong, I'm hideous. 

Complements are nice but I wish I could take them seriously.


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## Mellah

I feel really ugly when I don't have any makeup on. I think i've gotten so used to seeing myself with it on that I feel like a monster without it. I do enjoy putting it on everyday though.


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## JAkDy

AudreyHepburn said:


> It depends what the context is. If it's immediately after I've said something effacing about my appearance then I assume it's just to make me feel better and they felt it was expected. If I'm just arbitrarily approached on the street and given a compliment on my overall appearance *I might feel a slight confidence boost until I view myself in a reflective surface long enough to assess their complement and to come, once again, to the inevitable conclusion that they were wrong, I'm hideous. *
> 
> Complements are nice but I wish I could take them seriously.


That's exactly how I think about it........
Just second-guess it, over analyse it and come to the conclusion EVERY TIME that i'm fat and hideous. Then I MUST go for a run when i reach that point. Its my obsessive alternative to purging which i did a couple years ago.


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## reliefseeker

I take it as they're trying to convince me that I'm not ugly, or reminding me that I should be confident of my looks. I don't buy into any of their praise anyway.

I'm quite obsessed about my looks though, everytime before I go out, I always make sure that my hair is styled and spiked. I get very frustrated when my hair is messy. 
And as silly as this might sound.... I might even take out a camera and take photos of myself just to see how I look like in front of other people.


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## Arisa1536

Does anyone else here have an okay opinion of how they look facially but then from the chest down its all doomed :cry

Its difficult looking in a mirror, i do try to tell myself all those positives like "you are beautiful the way you are" "i am loved, loving lovable" and all the self help book stuff and then i realized that it would not matter what weight i was, i would always have scars, marks and bruises that would not fade or go away over time.

So for me its the curves, the cellulite, the stretch marks, the veins and the blotchy skin thats really sensitive to everything including sunlight. 

i want to be able to love them but thats not realistic 
i just hope it does not matter to others the way it matters to me


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## KatWilde13

I just recently found out I have BDD..

I'm a 17 year old girl but I look like an ugly man with an old woman's body.
I've been made fun of my whole life for being so ugly.
I'm fat too, totally pear shaped with very noticeable asymmetrical breasts. (One of them is saggy too..)
I also have a huge ugly pig nose.
I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night because of how ugly I am.
I hate myself and I hate the way I look.
I want to end it all, I can't take this any more.


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## milo001

I think the only person said i'm beautiful is mum.Lol.I admit i have a very low self confidence but it's not becaue of my low self confidence that i think i'm ugly.It's because i'm really ugly and did not look like a girl at all.Sometimes i'll think that i had been born wrong gender.Once a guy in my neighbourhood(i guess he's in his thirties) call me aunty.
It'll be a lied if i said i don't care about my appearance but it's my karma so i had to accept it.

What is BDD?


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## Jessie203

Idk if I'm BDD bc I feel my uglyness is real and has been confirmed odd times. I am insecure about my looks and have an eating disorder for a year now though so I think that might put me in the same sort of box..

When people tell me I'm pretty I feel they might mean it but I feel they say it was more "You are SOO PRETTY - but except for that fat on your body here, and here and here, and except for that zit you have there, and except for that ugly nose." I am not theoretically ugly, most people tell I'm an 8/10 but I feel like a 5 at best. I am a harsh critic of myself.


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## milo001

KatWilde13 said:


> I just recently found out I have BDD..
> 
> I'm a 17 year old girl but I look like an ugly man with an old woman's body.
> I've been made fun of my whole life for being so ugly.
> I'm fat too, totally pear shaped with very noticeable asymmetrical breasts. (One of them is saggy too..)
> I also have a huge ugly pig nose.
> I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night because of how ugly I am.
> I hate myself and I hate the way I look.
> I want to end it all, I can't take this any more.


Welcome to SAS Kat.I don't know how you look like but i'm sure your low self confidence makes you feel much worse.But if you can only not think about your bad points and tried to think about your good points as well.There are still much more peoples who are more unfortunate then us.If only you can use the times you think about how ugly you are to do something positive for the world.Eventhough i always complain about how ugly i am but i know that the inside(heart) is much more important than outside.


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## Greyfox78659

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


I get sick inside I hate being lied to but they are trying to be nice. The problem though is when they start asking for things, then I know it was a fake butter up compliment and I have a hard time trusting any compliments for a while.


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## Anemone

I think I'm ok-looking. Not really special just average. But not completely bad either. I'm fairly happy with the way I look, although I want to tone up and wish having a child didn't ruin your body. I wouldn't mind if people said I look ok...but when my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, I pull a face and say I'm not. Because I'm not...I'm distinctly average looking. He's been out with girls who are models before too, which doesnt help, as I'm definately not model material. I have no idea how other people perceive my attractiveness, find it hard to judge how attracted people are to me. No one ever compliments me except my boyf. anyway, but I don't see anyone else much except family


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## Mr Blues

I take it as they are just being polite. Especially if the person telling me it is very attractive themselves.


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## Aarondiablo

I feel good for about a second then think about my flaws... which is acne.
i do believe i am good looking under all this **** but i am just so obsessed with my looks now, when people comment on a picture or say something to me i think ya in the picture im good looking but IM not, not me just the picture.


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## primalrose

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


I react by accepting the compliment, because it gets too annoying to some people if you keep saying you're ugly. I try to feign confidence in my appearance because it gives a better vibe to people. Whining you're ugly all day and people get tired of it. All the pictures I ever decide to post are photo-shopped to a moderate degree so I sometimes compliments but in real life I never get anyone saying I'm attractive, no second looks or anything. So naturally you believe you are pretty plain. I wish I could worry less about how I look and just focus on living life, but as long as I am overweight with bad skin, I will never be confident.

Sigh... it's just sad us people with BDD let the media dictate to us what is beautiful, yet its not easy to ignore it.


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## Monroee

I honestly forget if I responded to this thread, and I'm too much of a lazy bum to go check. But, when someone comments on my appearance, if its good, I generally just shake my head no and say I don't believe it. I try not to push the matter because I know that other people get annoyed by stuff like that but I can't help it. I can't seem to lie and agree with them.

If its a bad comment, well, holy ****e, I'm gonna be upset for the rest of the day and restrict until I see black spots in front of my eyes.


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## Revenwyn

My family constantly told me I was ugly when I was growing up. I was never complimented on my appearance by anyone until I met my husband. Even then I think he says I'm beautiful because he believes me to be beautiful inside. I'd rather be beautiful outside. 

I was an active child but I went from a girl's 14 to a woman's 14 in six months and have never gotten down from that. In fact I tend to hover around a size 16-18 most of the time, while most people say I look to be about a size 12 (which is appreciated) I wish someone would actually tell me that I was pretty.

Guys would always call me "cute." You all know what that means.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

It depends on the situation as to how I interpret compliments, generally if I'm thinking rationally I take them well, and if I'm consumed in negativity then I assume there's a hint of malice, or sarcasm or it's simply a phatic response.

But these days I thankfully don't have to work so hard to spot the bad patterns.


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## will22

I try to create a harmony with my mood and my personal appearance, so when someone is rejecting my looks they are rejecting my personality. So I wouldn't want to be around that person anyway...


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## InfiniteBlaze

So far only my family has called me handsome. Since they're family and are probably just trying to make me feel better, I just ignore it. I'd hate to take it to heart and falsely inflate my confidence.


----------



## gomenne

Nobody "compliments" me, but if they do I take it as if they are mocking me. Mostly my family do, but I always ignore what they say.


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## Moony

I don't believe it, no matter how many times they say it. I'll act like I do, but I don't.


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## RJF

When people tell me that I'm attractive, handsome, or cute (I had a girl tell me I was "yummy" the other day - whatever the hell that means), I typically brush off their compliments as being somehow obligatory on their part. That's mostly because, when I look into the mirror at my reflection, I see an ugly-*** kid with a big nose, fat lips, and protruding ears. I have no idea how anybody could find me even the least bit attractive. 

It's really confusing, because I can't wrap my mind around how I can find myself repulsive and physically see myself as being that way, while others don't. 

Like, I've had people I know randomly say nice things about the haircut I got the other night, which I absolutely hate. I asked my sister for an honest opinion (she's not always the most sensitive girl, so I figured she wouldn't "hold back", so to speak), and she told me that, while I've had better haircuts, it really wasn't all that bad. 

Gah! I can't understand! My self-esteem, in regards to my physical appearance, is so low right now!


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## beatlesluver24

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> I'll believe it for a little while, and it'll do wonders for my self esteem. But then after a day or two my psyche will start to find little negative triggers that re-inforce the idea that I'm unattractive or whatever and I'll be back to being down on myself.


This exactly for me. At times, I'll feel really attractive and sexy, etc... but then I always go back to a low self-image, which, at this moment, I dont know exactly what triggers it, maybe comparing myself to others (all that I can think of atm). And then, to make it even worse, when I am feeling ugly, I also feel stupid and vain for even ever thinking I was handsome... I dunno. This sucks. I always ask myself, "why can't I just accept my flaws for what they are and NEVER have a thought about them again?". Only in a perfect world I guess haha


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## error404

*naturally ugly.*

I pretty much feel everyone here. My friend gets mad at me when I say things about not liking myself in pictures or leaving rude comments on them, but she really doesn't understand. I'm not looking for attention, like some people; it's really how I feel every time I look at myself. 
A billion positive compliments are easily squashed by one negative one or one look in the mirror. Going to school with pretty people and having a best friend that everyone thinks is super hot is no help either. 
One day, this really cute guy at work complimented me and I was riding high for an hour. Then I went into the bathroom to check myself and I thought that he must have been making fun of me because I did not look good that day in any way at all. 
I try pretty hard to make myself look presentable everyday, but no matter how hard I try, how much makeup I buy, how tan I get, I can never seem to look anywhere near as good as other girls. I don't understand and everyday when I look in the mirror it's the same nightmare all over again.


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## Hamster

I don't know if I have BDD, but I don't find myself very attractive. Usually the people who often tell me I'm attractive/beautiful are other parents who are friends of my parents. Kids in elementary (usually the boys) would make fun of me and call me ugly. In high school, there were so many attractive people (both male and female) that it lowered my self esteem and surely other's who didn't want to add more makeup to their regimen, starve themselves or dress practically naked.


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## Gen

Nobody ever says that I'm 'beautiful' or 'attractive' so I have no reaction. I don't remember anyone saying these words to me, now that you mention it (and I purposely searched it). Yes, 'pretty' but also a lot of weird comments about my hair and skin and glasses and eyes and chin. And I think they say pretty to get something from me, money, girlfriend, or to reassure me when I complain! I don't think I even want to be pretty (maybe because I associate it with bad things). I looked in the mirror once and was pretty so I felt scared. I also don't want to be ugly which is every other time I look in the mirror, so I don't get it. I have hardly any chin so I always thought I had a big nose. Now I have to train myself that the nose is actually not big! It's a surprise. But now I have to deal with having no chin. Maybe I want to be 'normal'. Maybe my nose is fine and everything else is ugly! Oh dear.


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## Matomi

I don't think i'm ugly but if someone compliments me, i ignore it and wonder if they're taking the ---- out of me.


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## KILOBRAVO

I can only remember 2 or 3 times where Ive been complimented on my appearance, and I always think they are lying to make me feel better, and it makes me feel a bit worse really.

I have been told by my mum ...that someone told her that someone she knows( and both time its been elderly women!!!!:sus) 'oh what a good looking boy your son is' they've said, I will just assume its a lie, and I might respond, 'Oh they must be blind then' or whatever, and Ill feel a bit bad etc....

How come no one ( female) my age can say this about me ???.......... 

I havent been diagnosed as BDD, because I never will say anything to anyone else, but I think I have most of symptoms of it, but mild.


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## Boring Loser

Now that i'm older, i've noticed people don't say i look good unless they really mean it. When i was younger, people would say i look good just cause i always complained and expressed disgust for how ugly i thought i was. There has been some people in school who told me i was ugly or told other people i was ugly, but i found those people to be equally as ugly as myself. There has been people who love giving out compliments to people about their looks, who never said anything nice about my looks. Lol.


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## Jinxx

I'm never complimented face to face hardly. However, I'm complimented by quite a few when I take pictures of myself and put them up online. Perhaps its the angles I do that make me more attractive than in person, like the famous 'fat girl angle'. I'm guilty of that. Makeup helps too since I have most of my dad's facial features. I'll admit.. I think if I was to get motivated and loose weight then people would find me more attractive cause I know that most don't find fat attractive. I think being fat automatically shows unattractive traits about myself like being careless, greedy, etc.

But yeah.. When I'm complimented online, I get kinda depressed cause whenever I ask those in person if my pictures look like me, they're like "I don't know..." so its as if they're complimenting a more beautiful person than what I actually am when they like my pictures. Then when I'm complimented in person for once, I assume they're just trying to be polite and raise my self esteem but don't really mean it.


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## candiedsky

Actually compliments leave me a mess. I never believe them, and I fixate over people's choice of words that they used in said compliment, from everything about how they said it to what context they said it in. So ironically, compliments make me feel worse off than before.


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## JAkDy

I don't have a preset train of thought I go through when someone compliments how I look (it doesn't happen that often, but does occasionally). Basically I will think anything of that comment that is possible EXCEPT that they actually think I look handsome/good. Actually truthfully i'd believe it for like 5-10 minutes of happiness and acceptance. THEN it goes downhill.


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## horserider

I've received many compliments from boys and girls. And usually it depends on how I am feeling and how bad my bdd is that day. When its not too bad I think they are just saying it to be nice or that I do maybe look kind of pretty, but on bad days compliments make me really upset. I think that people are saying them as a joke and that they are secretly making fun of me. Or i get upset when I can tell they are being genuine, because I dont understand how they can be that blind or stupid to see something attractive from such a hideous monster. Maybe with time I will be able to accept a compliment without doubts and worries


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## Snow Bunny

I wouldn't know, I've never gotten a compliment on my appearence. Hardly surprising. xP


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## UltraShy

What if someone objectively is unattractive? As in you show 100 pictures to a vast array of people and they rate the pics. What about person X who actually does rank #100, dead last as rated by society?


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## shynesshellasucks

UltraShy said:


> What if someone objectively is unattractive? As in you show 100 pictures to a vast array of people and they rate the pics. What about person X who actually does rank #100, dead last as rated by society?


Then they will most likely suffer from self-esteem issues. Or they may be ok with it if they come to terms with the fact that they will most likely remain single or date someone as ugly as themselves. JMO.


----------



## Missjennifers

If a stranger gives me a compliment I say thank you out of being polite. 
Someone I know, I get quiet and very insecure. I cannot take a compliment well.
I don't feel like I'm attractive, even though I will try to do things to make myself feel pretty. I'm not uncomfortable with it, it is what it is kind of a thing...
I had such bad self image that I took a tac and scratched up my face because I hated how I looked, that was about 5 years ago.


----------



## IcoRules

*What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?*

I'll say thank you to be polite, but I still don't believe them. I actually get offended or upset sometimes too.

*Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
*

I think they're just trying to be polite, suck up, get something out of me or they're desperate.

*Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)*

I've had a few guys say I'm attractive, but I still don't believe them. I still think they're just trying to get something from me because they think I'm an easy target and they really don't like me at all.

I'm afraid guys are going to be disgusted by me just looking at them.


----------



## Adam81980

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


 I'm usually kind of stunned and blank. I actually have to remember to be polite and thank them, acknowledge the compliment.

I guess I've gradually accepted I'm not ugly per-say, but I still don't feel attractive. At least not in a sex appeal kind of way. I think I'm cute, but cute like a teddy bear, or a little boy. I don't think most woman associate my cuteness with being the kind of cute that they would find sexy and be attracted to physically? Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like if I were hot instead of baby cute, I'd have more women occasionally hitting on me. Right now, I'm lucky if it's one per year.

I guess it doesn't help when I remember things like waiting in the car when I was 11, and a car full of girls pulled up next to me and shouted "Ewww, he's so ugly." Or, at 14 years old sliding into second base during a youth group softball game and having the girl manning the plate look down at me to say "God you're ugly" or the time when I was 17 when I met somebody off the internet and they told me I was hideous! Oh, and let's not forget being told numerous times in my youth things such as you're head is the size of the astrodome! Time passes, people grow up, but you never forget.


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## keyla965

I absoulutly loath when people call me cute, or pretty. I hate it so much becuse i think theyer lying to my face. I just dont see it. You can tell me im pretty all day long or try to make me see it but i dont think i ever will.


----------



## kilgoretrout

If someone calls me pretty/beautiful/whatever, I usually just give a fake smile and sometimes I mumble a thank you. I don't think people who compliment me on my appearance are being sincere because most of the people that have done this are relatives, friends of relatives, older ladies, etc. - basically people you would expect to compliment you just to be nice. I have my days though... if I'm feeling good, I will believe the compliment but these days are very few and it only takes one negative remark to outweigh all the positive. I've been called ugly before (or people have said things about my appearance that made me feel ugly) but this has only happened when I was younger... it didn't do anything for my self-esteem back then and I still struggle with it even now.


----------



## FakeFur

Me, I appreciate it. They're just trying to be nice, or make me feel better about myself, so I'm certainly not angry about it.

But still it's like, people ONLY call me pretty if I express that I hate my appearance. Like if I say "I think I'm ugly", then someone will tell me I'm pretty or say that I'm _not_ ugly. But if I don't express a dissatisfaction with my looks, no one will ever compliment me.

And I hate that. It just makes it clear that they're only saying those things to be nice.

But still, I appreciate it when someone tries to make me feel better by calling me beautiful or pretty or whatever. Even when most of the time, they're just being nice.


----------



## Stormclouds

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


When someone says I'm pretty/beautiful/attractive, I automatically assume they're lying through their teeth, and laughing at me behind my back. Or just saying it to be nice -- what are they supposed to say? My God, you're the ugliest thing on the planet? I don't think so. Most people aren't THAT rude. So sure, they can say I look good. It doesn't mean a damned thing.


----------



## deadtosociety

I do not believe them at all. I've looked in mirrors and always feel like I'm a different person in each one. I think people just try to cheer me up - I rarely smile. I believe I am a freak and subject myself to hiding out. I don't know how to handle it...


----------



## ChrissyQ

I think i'm cute, pretty and ugly all mixed together! lol


----------



## LWR

my first reply, make sure you check your eye sight  im no where near attractive. and the 1st thought that comes to my head "something fish, what does that person want from me?"


----------



## Secretaz

I don't have BDD, but I think I'm ugly and people say that I'm not. When someone say that I'm beautiful or something like that it makes me just confused. I don't get it why anyone say such thinks to because though I'm really ugly. :sus


----------



## fallen18

It usually just bothers me and I feel uncomfortable about how I should respond. I feel like they're just trying to be nice to me b/c I'm not. I think compliments directed towards me are always just a giant lie. Usually I say thanks or give a small smile but really I just feel upset and sad b/c I know I'm not pretty.


----------



## abom

I laugh.


----------



## cjamja

I feel people are just being polite. If I recieve a compliment I say thanks and all, but I feel unbearably awkward and have no idea what to say afterwards because I don't agree with what they say.
Ah gosh I'm like some giant ball of awkwardness!


----------



## mzmz

*honestly I might have BDD*

But not very badly. I can accept a compliment. I used to think maybe i was pretty? and then i had some unhealthy relationships, got older while being poor (bad combo) but then i did some modeling but some of it was nude. You know things are bad when mens reactions to your body are better then to your face. But between supposed friends who call me beautiful or lovely and people calling me odd looking or ugly all my life, im not sure how i look. I know im not UGLY, although i sometimes think i am (often feel ugly) but beyond that i just dont know.:|


----------



## Blawnka

I've only been told like twice in my life, and it was probably only "cute".
I assume they say it to make me feel better, or try and raise my confidence, it doesn't work. I think they're full of ****.


----------



## Barette

My reaction is flattery and elation. After that feeling's over I don't believe them, though.


----------



## Taylorshane

i usually just dont believe them


----------



## Kascheritt

I ignore it or tell them that I don't like to hear such things.


----------



## crystaltears

I think people who tell me that are just trying to be nice. (Eg. when I get a new haircut)


----------



## Nekomata

Unless it's my boyfriend or someone trying to improve my self esteem, I would be highly suspicious of the compliment. Period. xP and even then, I don't especially take it in my stride. Being complimented seems too foreign for me.


----------



## spankyy




----------



## daveodd

*i really am ugly*

i really am very ugly and nobody has ever said that i am handsome or good looking or anything like that. as a matter of fact there have been many times that people have said how bad i look. i dont think that it is a disorder that i think i am ugly because it is really just the way it is. i would never tell somebody that they dont look good even if they are ugly. i just would not say anything about the way that they look.


----------



## RmZ

Had really bad bdd lately. If anyone tells me I'm good looking it feels good for a while but it never lasts, As soon as I look in the mirror again I just think I look like an alien and wonder what people can see that I dont.


----------



## Sabreena

I feel flattered for a second or two before I realize that they're only saying it to be nice. I thank them for the compliment, even though I know they don't mean it.


----------



## ChangeInProgress

I think they are doin it to be nice. If anyone gives me any compliments on my looks i either think they are being polite or playing a mean joke on me. I never fully believe that they actually mean what they say.


----------



## InsideHurt

i get complimented on my looks from time to time .. but i'm pessimistic and i look at my flaws more then my good features


----------



## Skyloft

.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

^Um ya.. you are cute. Dead honest.^


----------



## GuyMontag

I don't think I've ever had anyone outside of family members compliment me on my looks. I'm not sure how I'd react to someone complimenting my looks. I'd probably be flattered briefly and then suspicious. I know I'm not good looking, but I try not to let it bother me too much.


----------



## Freiheit

I never have this happen unless it's like a nice old lady trying to be polite.


----------



## DesperateOne

It's the weirdest thing, on pictures and in the mirror I can be either ugly, average or above average, depending on the lighting and angle. Also, haircut makes a huge difference.

People have never said out loud, 'you're ugly', but I've never been called cute/attractive either, so I would guess - average is correct... But somehow I feel way below average at most times. 

If you get compliments, most likely you are attractive.


----------



## Evo

I don't believe them.
I think I'm ugly. :blank


----------



## BrookeHannigan

yeah I think so
and if someone says your beautiful I dont even believe it
if you thought someone was extremely ugly would you say that straight into their face?

M: God...I am so ugly
S: Yeah omg your so gross looking Im glad you brought it up yourself cause I was afraid to tell you.

when did that ever happand? :')
if someone asks am I ugly/fat/skinny blabla I give a honest answer but not too mean
I HATE lying or saying beauty comes from the inside and sych

and we are all ugly and beautiful in some way
no one in this world is found beautiful or ugly by everyone it all depends on your taste...I have a very child like face with full lips,round features and long hair
ive been told so many times im ugly and also have been hit on many times.
so yeah...milions of people think you are ugly
milions of people think your good looking
and no one on this entire planet is a exeption to this.


----------



## SoWrongItsRight

If someone tells me I'm pretty I feel like they're saying it to be nice. My family is basically required to tell me that. I think my friends say I am becauSe they know I have a good personality so they base my looks off that too. Plus my friends wouldn't ever come out and say "you're ugly" just like my family wouldn't. I was called ugly several times through school. I don't think I'm hideous but I definitely don't think I'm pretty. 

When someone tells me I'm good looking I feel like they're looking at my flaws and feel bad so they just say it to make me feel better. I don't know how to explain it. Ive never heard of this disorder before....How do you know if you actually have it?


----------



## Frozen In a StarryVoid

vicente said:


> What is your reaction when people tell you that you're beautiful/ attractive / handsome?
> 
> Do you ignore it? Do you immediately assume they're being polite? Do you assume they're saying that to gain some favor? Or something else?
> 
> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


When people compliment me in any way, I dismiss it. I just kind of laugh it off and look down or away from them. and I ignore it in my mind. I can't accept it because I know it isn't true. I usually think they're lying. I also think mirrors lie.

For example the other day this guy asked if I was vegetarian and I told him I'm a vegan and that I like to eat really healthy. and he looked me up and down and said "I can tell" with this little smile. and in my mind I was like not really I'm actually a fat disgusting pig. but all I did was look away and laugh

I hate compliments in general. I obsess over them and think about why they're lying to me or what their motive is or what they meant


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

I never get compliments. I think most people regard me as pretty decent and polite so nobody mocked me or something.

Makes it worse that there are people who are very attractive but think they are ugly. That makes us even more ugly in some weird way. I'm settling on the fact I'll be alone forever, though I guess there is always a chance. 

Probably because not only am I ugly I'm unsuccessful in any field of life. Get me while you can. :roll


----------



## Ricebunnyx3

People don't usually tell me that. The only time I got that was when these girls were pestering me about why I'm so insecure, and I told them that I hate my face. Of course they're going to say I'm pretty to make me feel better. But I've gotten, you're pretty online before not often though(normally after telling someone they're pretty so they feel obligated to say the same) and my photos I'm always wearing lots of makeup & it's usually edited.


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

I usually think i must be that damn ugly that they're willing to lie to my face out of pity.


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## Barette

My first reaction is to feel very very flattered. Then after a few moments to think about it, or if I look in the mirror, then I know they just said it to be nice.


----------



## Bee6

Well.

I get awkward.

I think that sums it up just fine. :idea


----------



## Toppington

Almost always feels like they're pitying me. I hardly ever believe any of it. I wouldn't call it BDD though. Just realism.


----------



## mezzoforte

Toppington said:


> Almost always feels like they're pitying me. I hardly ever believe any of it. I wouldn't call it BDD though. Just *realism*.


:no


----------



## Radiata

Ah.

I don't believe compliments, and sometimes I'm frustrated when I receive them. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's painful for me to hear it. 

I used to react badly by beating myself up and overanalyzing what was said. Now I just prefer to be self-deprecating about my appearance. I'll just make fun of myself if anyone compliments me on my looks. 

Still hurts, though! & I still sometimes cave in and worry a ton about how truthful the other person was being.


----------



## Revenwyn

Other than my husband only one other man has ever told me I was pretty and he was trying to get into my pants.


----------



## That Quiet Girl

Today a guy called me "Beautiful". Although i don't believe i am i just said "thank you". I'm not sure if i have BDD or just low self esteem. If somebody compliments me on my appearance it's a good feeling but at the same time i don't believe them either.


----------



## arnie

nothing to fear said:


> but when guys have said i am pretty (very very few).. i just don't believe it, i think they say it to be nice or to try to get closer (i.e. get in my pants).
> 
> but i think i am actually ugly, despite that.


That's the problem with these threads. You can't really tell if people are being honest or just being nice. If you want a more objective test, okcupid has a feature which allows you to get an anonymous rating which compares your picture versus others on the site. I've used it a couple times.


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## millenniumman75

arnie said:


> That's the problem with these threads. You can't really tell if people are being honest or just being nice. If you want a more objective test, okcupid has a feature which allows you to get an anonymous rating which compares your picture versus others on the site. I've used it a couple times.


That's a rough thing to do, though.

People get mean on those, too.

People on here tell me I look like Prince William. It doesn't matter on okCupid. Someone on that site would still give me a 1/10 and it's not because William is married to a babe....well, it could be, but don't take your frustration out on me! :mum


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## arnie

millenniumman75 said:


> That's a rough thing to do, though.
> 
> People get mean on those, too.
> 
> People on here tell me I look like Prince William. It doesn't matter on okCupid. Someone on that site would still give me a 1/10 and it's not because William is married to a babe....well, it could be, but don't take your frustration out on me! :mum


They don't rate you on a 1 to 10 scale. It just presents two pictures randomly and they pick which one they like better. After enough people do this, you get a normalized result.


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## millenniumman75

arnie said:


> They don't rate you on a 1 to 10 scale. It just presents two pictures randomly and they pick which one they like better. After enough people do this, you get a normalized result.


Well, they'd pick the pretty boy over me - that's all I know :lol.

This Elephant Man is going on with his life :troll


----------



## DanP

I get upset when people compliment me in any way, but especially when it is about my physical appearence. I feel that they are patronizing me. I have a hard time objectively perceiving my appearence in the mirror or in photographs.


----------



## Amorphousanomaly

It's hard to take compliments without trying to refute them, people get mad when they notice I'm unable to take a compliment in regards to my physical appearance. I wish people would just not comment about the way I look.


----------



## JulesHURTBISH

*Well I'm definitely ugly...*

...because the only person who ever completely and honestly says I am attractive/not ugly is my mom. Of course, she is under the motherly spell of loving me so completely that she doesn't see my faults (a fact that I am exceedingly grateful for, mind you). My dad will say the cliché "you're beautiful because you're my daughter" thing but suggests that if I did a LOT of work (make-over type work) I might actually be considered attractive by society.

Speaking of society...I have constantly been told I'm ugly, complete with negative analysis of various features of mine (including my out of shape, overweight body). Guys always have something rude to say about my appearance; I've _never_, not once, been complimented by a guy on my "looks". Nothing but negative side comments, ranging from "damn bi***, you hurt!" (meaning ugly) to the always painful "you're not even _that_ ugly, you're just not attractive". Then there's also an obvious ostracization due to their decision that I'm an ugly female and therefore not worth their time. Girls are generally more nice, although in my first years of high school they were just as mean as the guys. They say a lot of the "you're not _that_ ugly" comments and are always quick to offer to give me a "necessary make-over" (and then proceed to describe the extremely long list of things about my appearance that they could improve).

My male friends are quick to tell me the reality of my unattractiveness. They tell me they're only friends with me because I have funny, cool personality but that my looks are _very_ lacking. My female friends give me a similar impression, they're just considerate enough to not word it as bluntly as the guys. You'd think your good friends would be more kind, but mine are simply honest. My best girl friends, tired of my complaints of my unattractiveness, have continuously said "Well, yes, you're not pretty or anything, but you're not _that_ ugly...You're like a 5 (out of 10) but with some hard work, you could be a 6".

Frankly, that sh** is painful, and I'm glad I signed up for this site because I know I am among others who know the reality of this pain. The only thing I can't understand is those of you who actually _have_ been complimented by others (especially guys) on your appearance. I would be over-joyed if anyone complimented my looks, especially guys. I've never had a boyfriend, or even a guy remotely interested in me (besides taking an interest in telling me how ugly I am). I'd just say, don't take compliments for granted because if you actually get them, society obviously does not think you're ugly. Then again, if you seriously have BDD, I take back what I said because that is most likely just as painful as actually being ugly.


----------



## cozynights

Nowadays I tend to believe when people tell me I'm beautiful because I'm in need of self steem but a part of me still thinks they're just trying to be nice. I've had a lot of people telling me to my face I'm ugly and even though I know I've changed since then, it's hard to forget everything they said because I'm still the same person after all.


----------



## vicarosejordi

People my age tell me im hideous. Older generations tell me im gorgeous. Its hard. You dont k ow who to believe. I think its just best to surround yourself with people who raise your self esteem and then it wont matter what anyone else thinks. My mom used to tell me id be so pretty if I lost weight. I havent lost that much at all, but I am staying with my grandparents for now and they made me feel better about myself and now? I dont care who thinks what. My self esteem is so high I am happy.


----------



## Sadok

vicarosejordi said:


> People my age tell me im hideous. Older generations tell me im gorgeous. Its hard. You dont k ow who to believe. I think its just best to surround yourself with people who raise your self esteem and then it wont matter what anyone else thinks. My mom used to tell me id be so pretty if I lost weight. I havent lost that much at all, but I am staying with my grandparents for now and they made me feel better about myself and now? I dont care who thinks what. My self esteem is so high I am happy.


Looking at your profile picture i'd say you're beautiful.


----------



## socialheresy

JulesHURTBISH said:


> My male friends are quick to tell me the reality of my unattractiveness. They tell me they're only friends with me because I have funny, cool personality but that my looks are _very_ lacking. My female friends give me a similar impression


You have friendSSS!!? 



JulesHURTBISH said:


> I've never had a boyfriend, or even a guy remotely interested in me (besides taking an interest in telling me how ugly I am). I'd just say, don't take compliments for granted because if you actually get them, society obviously does not think you're ugly. Then again, if you seriously have BDD, I take back what I said because that is most likely just as painful as actually being ugly.


Personally, I find a girl not being a snotty ***** the most attractive quality and often the ones who don't fit society's definition of pretty have the most character.


----------



## tieffers

I usually assume people are just being polite when they compliment me, but there are certain people I know would never lie to me. And I believe they believe I'm beautiful. Which...does feel really nice.

I don't like to say I have BDD, because I believe I'm actually just ugly, but my friends and family all think I have a very distorted self-image, so I try to objectively take that into account and forget that when I look in the mirror I see a very masculine-looking woman. My own face actually scares me sometimes. That sounds really stupid, but I have been genuinely frightened by my own appearance because I think I look really ghoulish. My coworkers the other day were literally making me stand in place so they could look at me while they poked and prodded at my stomach and compared it to theirs so they could get me to agree with them that I'm skinny. I don't understand why they did that, since I don't talk to any of them about my body image. Did not make me feel better at all. Just supremely uncomfortable.

I feel bad posting in this thread, because I only got called ugly or variants of that in just a few incidents that didn't last beyond junior high. A lot of you have had to deal with so much verbal abuse and it breaks my heart to read. Regardless of what you look like, and as cheesy and cliche as this is going to sound, you're all beautiful to me.


----------



## PaxBritannica

No-one ever says I'm handsome etc but I don't go out much or get to talking to people at the level that people discuss things like that with me


----------



## Revenwyn

PaxBritannica said:


> No-one ever says I'm handsome etc but I don't go out much or get to talking to people at the level that people discuss things like that with me


If that's you in the avatar, you're actually very good looking. That look suits you.


----------



## pati

I think they are lying/being polite.


----------



## NoHeart

Even if I can get to the point where I truly believe they think I am good looking it doesn't change anything because it's all subjective, and it is MY opinion of myself that I'm ugly, so I don't care what other people think regardless. I'm not trying to win a beauty contest, I'm just trying to be able and look in the mirror without feeling so ****ing disgusted.


----------



## Mizzjustified

Yeah, I definitely assume people are making fun of me in secret, like it's one big joke that I'm not in on, like Truman Show or something with all these people complimenting me, and that the guys don't mean it and the girls are just being secret *****es.

When I was growing up, I wasn't the prettiest friend out of the crowd, and I remember asking my friend Gina, who WAS the prettiest friend and the class flirt and class dancer and most popular and every other effin thing, when was I going to get guys to like me or something trivial and stupid, and she told me.. "Well, you just haven't blossomed yet!" I was always made fun of for having red hair, so I literally dyed it pitch black sophmore year and then dyed it every other color in the rainbow every other month until I had to shave it off because it fell out, LOL. I also felt like I looked like a man and had a chubby face and was kinda always like 10-15lbs heavier than the rest of the girls. A size 11 when everyone else was who knows, 0, 3, 5?

Then I broke out with CYSTIC Acne of all things when I was 16-17, and it was horrible, my face, my back, my chest. I mean, could things get any worse? I had to go on accutane, and I just looked so painfully ugly. I threw sheets over the mirrors in my house and refused to leave. I also got mono but that helped me out because I lost 30lbs between mono and being severely depressed. 

I don't know what happened but at around age 18 or 19, all the sudden, I became a blonde, got a tan and started wearing club ****ty clothes and the male attention I was getting was insane, infact it was pissing my pretty friends off because they were used to always getting the guys, so it was like OH GOD, always a competition. But, inside, I was still that chubby, red head with acne who looked like a man face. 

So, to this day, I still see that person. And infact, it doesn't help, because I've had people come up to me and ask me, "ARE YOU TRANSGENDER?" "Are you a man?" So, that really doesn't help my case with thinking I look like a man without makeup on. I have become a professional makeup artist and give people makeovers for a living and help people with their skin and do chemical peels and treatments, because I know what it's like to feel ugly and I'm actually really good at helping people look good, even the "worst" of cases. 

But, I absolutely LOATHE when people tell me, "oh I like you so much better when you're not all glam'd up, and have no make up on", it's like OH PLEASE, you are literally so full of ****, I can smell it. I look like a straight up MAN with no make up on, I am not one of those "I'm pretty with no make up" girls. HELL NO. I'm barely pretty with it on! 

My usual response to a compliment is: EW, "ugh please", "stoppp", "you're crazy", "you need glasses"

My worst nightmare was for about 2 years everyone thought I looked like effin JWOWW from the Jersey Shore, and I live at the Jersey Shore so it drew SO MUCH attention to me and I wanted to literally kill myself and then the constant comparing, "well you're prettier than her" and I wanted to die. Yeah, ok, a man face is prettier, right. I mean she does look like an idiot with her surgery now, and she ain't even nothing that great, but I seriously look like my dad with long hair.

I've realized all the makeup and the world, and the wigs and everything I try to do (no, no surgeries, just skin resurfacing I've done myself for acne scars).. nothing will ever make me "pretty". Only time I've ever felt pretty is when I was on drugs or alcohol. And it is because then I didn't give a crap.


----------



## Revan

I usually just assume that they're saying it to be polite. I have a face not even a mother could love.


----------



## Sion

I can't help but think that when I'm talking to my friends or other people, that in their head they are just analysing everything that is wrong with my appearance, making mental notes of my ugly features.


----------



## tbyrfan

Why are people so quick to paste the "BDD" label on someone just because they think they're ugly? Some people, like myself, are actually ugly.


----------



## TryingMara

No one has called me attractive with a straight face. I hate my looks but do not have BDD.


----------



## DreamerInSlumberland

I think I have this. I know deep down I'm pretty, but I don't believe it. I think my opinion of my looks plays a big role with my SA. I often think I'm too "repulsive" for someone to like me.


----------



## Chelse

I've been told by many guys that I'm beautiful. I usually shut down because I think they are trying to get into my pants. I have BDD--all I think about is how I must be the fattest one in my class, group, meeting etc. If i'm in public and it hits me, its like being a trapped animal. I just have to get away.


----------



## PickleNose

pita said:


> On the very rare occasion that somebody other than my significant other tells me I'm attractive (*and I kind of think my boyfriend is attracted to ugly women*), I don't believe it. If it's another woman paying the 'compliment', I assume she just likes my clothes or she's just trying to be nice or something like that. If it's a man paying the compliment,* I assume he thinks I'm an ugly woman with no self esteem, and he just wants to have sex with me because he will have sex with anything.* It's a very sexist viewpoint, but unfortunately it has happened to me before.


 I know this is a really old post but I just wanted to respond to it because I've never seen this exact POV before and I think it's important for people to know this isn't necessarily so.

I am attracted to a lot of women who might be deemed ugly by most people but this is because I like unique. I look for something attractive even if it isn't stereotypical "beauty" (which isn't all the beautiful anyway).

I guess I can see this poster's point and I hope there aren't a lot of guys out there just doing this because they think women who aren't typically considered to be attractive will be "easy". That really is ugly.


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## stilllse412

I have never been complimented on my looks unless it is immediately after I say something negative about my looks. Then people only contradict me and say these things to be nice. I have gotten compliments about my clothes, but never about me. I have never even had a guy compliment me to get "easy" sex. Even the creeps who would do that don't want me. Even drunk nasty guys on the street have never said anything to hint that they found me attractive. This is the proof that I am truly ugly and don't just "think" I am ugly.
Sorry to sound so miserable, just answering the question. It's an interesting question.


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## Higgins

There are way too many people here assuming that them feeling ugly = BDD, which isn't the case at all...


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## nothing else

There's a difference between BDD and recognizing you're ugly and accepting it lol


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## tbyrfan

nothing else said:


> There's a difference between BDD and recognizing you're ugly and accepting it lol


Exactly. I am actually ugly and therefore do NOT have BDD, but a lot of people assume that anyone who doesn't like their looks automatically has BDD.


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## nothing else

tbyrfan said:


> Exactly. I am actually ugly and therefore do NOT have BDD, but a lot of people assume that anyone who doesn't like their looks automatically has BDD.


Ya I know what you mean. People just want to be so politically correct or kind so they say that 'everybody is beautiful.' It's not reality and it's not true.


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## Ivy60

I either assume it to be politeness or disregard it... because whenever I look at a picture of myself, I think I'm just too ugly to be complimented...


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## kjwkjw

vicente said:


> Or are you actually ugly in that no one has ever said that you were attractive with a straight face? (like me)


this. only on internet people have said that im "good looking" and "not ugly". but im 100 % sure they are only joking or trying to be polite.


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## alicepractice

Dinner said:


> There are way too many people here assuming that them feeling ugly = BDD, which isn't the case at all...


My thoughts exactly; BDD doesn't mean a normal-looking person thinking they're ugly, it's when someone's obsession with their flaw(s) consumes their lives and prevents them from functioning.

Anyway, as someone who's been diagnosed with severe BDD: no, I definitely don't believe people when they call me cute or pretty. I'm either angered that they're lying to me or feel flattered but brush it off as politeness. I see an absolute monster in the mirror to the point where my BDD-oriented social anxiety has caused me to withdraw from school, and no amount of sugar-coated words can change my perception of myself.


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## tbyrfan

Most people don't realize that the first criterion for BDD is that the flaws must be *PERCEIVED*, not *REAL*. In the DSM 5, it specifically says that people with noticeable flaws *cannot* be diagnosed with BDD:










Therefore, unattractive people with real flaws would qualify under "Other Specified Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorder":


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## mishima

At first I believe them but then I start to doubt every word they said, analyzing every single possible thing and most likely concluding that they were lying or making fun of me internally. It sucks.


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## TheIntouchables

When they tell me straight in the face I usually blush and get nervous and I'm happy about it. That is because I sometimes have the hope that my Face is actually not that bad. But after one day or so has passed I look in the mirror and I usually 'blame' the good light in the situation for the compliment. That's really the only explanation I have when my psychologist or someone else asks me how I explain the compliments to myself. The good light or the fact that I never leave the house without Make-up because there is no fuc*** way anyone could actually find that mess of a face attractive. I hope you can understand everything, English is not my morgen tonge


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## NeverAFrown_00

My responses vary, depending on who's complimenting me and the context. If it's a guy, particularly one over the internet, I just assume his standards are low. If it's a friend, then clearly they're just being polite if they've seen I've made a visible effort. If it's a partner, well, I guess those in love can be delusional.


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## bubbletea

I'll assume they are being polite or "nice", or have low standards. 

I thought I was decent looking in my teens, but I feel unattractive now


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## NeverAFrown_00

orsomething said:


> LOL, true
> 
> you_ are_ super cute tho
> 
> *i have nothing to gain from this, and i don't go out of my way to just be polite*


In which case, I am truly appreciative. Thanks, lass <3


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## The Exodus

Nobody really has said that I'm attractive, but I do try to convince myself that somebody may well find me attractive in the future. It's really the only thing I have to cling on to.


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## ScorchedEarth

No one has told me I'm attractive, but then again I've rarely put myself in situations where it would be appropriate. If someone told me that, I'd assume they were trying to raise my self-esteem. I wouldn't believe it but the thought would be appreciated.


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## dal user

NeverAFrown_00 said:


> My responses vary, depending on who's complimenting me and the context. If it's a guy, particularly one over the internet, I just assume his standards are low. If it's a friend, then clearly they're just being polite if they've seen I've made a visible effort. If it's a partner, well, I guess those in love can be delusional.


So my standars are low then :|

You're basically saying that every guy who compliments you then has low standards or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

I see where you are coming from though that sometimes people can and will sugar coast just to boost the self esteem of someone who is not happy with themselves.


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## Ricebunnyx3

Idk if I have BDD or not, but I hate my face and it upsets me. 
To answer your question:
When friends call me pretty it is always in response to me being insecure about my face ~ never a genuine "Wow bunny, you're really pretty"

I've had friends avoid the subject because they clearly did not want to give me a fake compliment, and I had a close friend I trusted tell me I was not pretty but just okay, but even then it seemed like she was lying.

Another friend said she wouldn't be friends with me if I were ugly...

There was a guy friend I got close to one time, and he refused to say I was pretty. 

This old woman, my neighbor says I'm pretty but I don't believe her...

Family members don't even compliment me... the only time they ever did was when I got a facial piercing and they would go "You're pretty, you don't need that." because of course their logic is - well who doesn't want to be called pretty so if we call this ugly girl pretty, maybe she'll remove the piercing

online, I have been called pretty/cute before only a few times ~ but in pictures I smear make up and have good angles and only post pictures I find to be decent ~ good enough to show which is only a few in the thousands I take and delete


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## iminnocentenough

I have low-standards not because of my SAD either. Does that make anyone feel better?


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## NeverAFrown_00

iminnocentenough said:


> I have low-standards not because of my SAD either. Does that make anyone feel better?


Err, not really. Hardly reassuring.


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## NeverAFrown_00

Rich91 said:


> So my standars are low then :|
> 
> You're basically saying that every guy who compliments you then has low standards or have I got the wrong end of the stick?
> 
> I see where you are coming from though that sometimes people can and will sugar coast just to boost the self esteem of someone who is not happy with themselves.


I knew someone was going to take this personally, lol. I'm not saying every guy, no- but if he's the type that would shag a ham sandwich, then yeah, he has low standards.


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## quakergirl

I do an internal sigh, and don't believe them.


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## Henry A

I cannot take/believe a compliment, at all. It makes me feel intensely embarrassed and uncomfortable and often renders me incapable of speech for a good few minutes. I just try to pretend it didn't happen; although there is a part of me that appreciates the efforts of those people who do it to try and make me feel better.


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## illage2

I'm one of the ugliest people in the world. I can't change that its genetic.


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## illage2

However I also can't take compliments. I just don't think they're being honest.


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## spiritedaway

I feel that whenever someone tells me that I'm "pretty" or "beautiful" it's only because they don't want to rude and tell me upfront that I'm not attractive. Usually I just smile and say thanks but yeah I never really believe them.


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## illage2

I just tell them to stop lying and be up front and ****ing honest with me.


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## Karuni

What drives me crazy is when someone whose job is to help you like a teacher, therapist, whoever and you tell them that you think you're ugly. They've always said I'm a pretty girl. But would these kind of people actually tell someone they're ugly if they were? Of course not. Their job is to make you feel better. I never believe them. And besides, they're always way older people so some 50+ year old guy's opinion (bs or not) is not relevant to how men in their 20s feel about me.

Just something I remembered when I told a therapist I hate a lot of things about myself. He gave me a quick list of nice things about me, and all I can think of is, "Yeah, you don't know me well enough to say those things, and I am not pretty to guys my age." These compliments don't really help.

And now that I think about it, nobody other than these people or similar situations with friends (my friends would never call a friend ugly), have complimented my looks. I've only gotten pity compliments. :/


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## Reckoner7

I don't get compliments alot, hardly ever but when I do i usually feel they are doing it to be nice and dont know what to say or scared to say the truth. 

Plus I feel people are sometimes too generous with the compliements they give. For example I hear someone say 'OMG you could be a model' when viewing someones pic, yet without being harsh they are pretty but not that good looking.
So if someone says to me i'm 'good looking' I wonder if they say that to anyone with those exact same words.


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## Lonely libertine

Assume that they are just trying to be polite


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## Valendrina

I have never received any compliments about my appearance, not even from my family beside the age-old 'You're not ugly/fat' when I try to tell them how unhappy I am with my body. And I'm 99% sure they don't count...after all, why would you tell anyone that they're ugly. 

I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend...in fact, guys don't really pay any attention to me (and why would they, when there's a lot of prettier women in my school alone). I'm sure that if someone were to compliment me I wouldn't believe them...after all, no one's ever done so, so why would I suddenly become pretty and thin.


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## calichick

I feel like the way I look has caused me so much pain, inner destruction and conflict.

People -men mainly but a handful of women in my life are constantly praising me and focusing on my outer appearance and it causes me so much mental f***ing trauma because I'm slowly starting to become comfortable with myself, slowly starting to really understand how other people see me, but there's a huge disconnect.

There's a huge f***ing disconnect, and both men and women stare at me and it makes me feel like s*** that I don't have a lot of that inner confidence to embrace it.

I wish that people would focus on me for my personality and get to know me for me and not some superficial bull****. It's so trite and irrelevant and tiresome and old.

Can anyone imagine being in a world where people are telling you you're beautiful by the day -no scratch that- BY THE HOUR and you don't see any of it? And the irony of BDD is that you're put in a shell- a pretty encasing, but your head is at a total disconnect. The head and the body, they're completely separate.

What the ***** kind of cosmic joke is going on here?

I think about people in dire crisis situations worse than my own head troubles and think, I got it made pretty well, but then I think about how completely distorted my head is and think...wait...if I had 3% of the confidence that I could have with my potential. I would run the world.

But instead I'm thinking about isolating and feeling depressed and anxious.

What the *****


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## lovableplatypus

Very, very few people have told me I was pretty. 

But if someone tells me I'm pretty I say thank you but I don't really think they mean it. It makes me sad to hear it because I know it's not true. I've seen pictures of my face from different angles. It's hard not to be disgusted after seeing them.


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## Farideh

When I look my worst, I get plenty of people telling me I'm good looking out of sympathy, but when I actually look put together and actually take time to get ready, I get the exact opposite. No comments. Just ignored. lmao


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## Shybug

At first I feel embarrassed, than I think it's not true because I convince myself it's just useless banter that people tell each other.


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## Cmasch

If I get a compliment on looks, I immediately start thinking of all of my flaws they don't see or things I don't like about myself lol.


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## shyguy07

I rarely get compliments on my appearance, if I do, I assume they're trying to be nice. No one has ever told me I'm hot, without meaning it in a sarcastic manner. My mother always compliments me, but I don't take her compliments seriously, she's my mother! I look terrible in pictures that other people take of me, and when I walk by people, sometimes they give me weird looks.


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## East

they're lying


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## visualkeirockstar

I never got em.


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