# I don't think I'll ever get a girlfriend unless they like shy/quiet guys



## sociallybehind (Nov 12, 2008)

Most girls want someone who is talkative right?
My behavior must be a turn off to most girls. I can make a great first impression but then I withdraw. I'm so afraid of opening up that I start avoiding them. Even if I go on a date, I'd be a nervous wreck. I'm just that uncomfortable around semi-attractive women. I'll eventually be 30 having never had a girlfriend and I act awkward. 

I'm so used to being alone. What should I do? I'm very concerned about the direction that my single life will take me. Because while most people can date, I just have a hard time unless the girls have interest in the shy quiet guy... but most really DON'T. 

I know most people have problems, and I would like to have any other problem than this. This is the most frustrating and it makes me feel like an outcast loser. What am I so F'in afraid of??


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## Aeterna (Nov 24, 2008)

I don't have any advice for you, sorry. I just wanted to say that I like shy/quiet guys, so they are out there!


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I like shy guys...as for quiet thats ok at first but after a while I'll want them to be talkative around me. Guess I want someone like me whose SA isn't so bad 1-1. As for groups they can be quiet as a mouse for all I care.


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## sociallybehind (Nov 12, 2008)

Aeterna said:


> I don't have any advice for you, sorry. I just wanted to say that I like shy/quiet guys, so they are out there!


so you like the guy who sits there in a group not talking?
who isn't funny and you can sense insecurity?
people lose respect for that type


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## sociallybehind (Nov 12, 2008)

I suppose since I have "issues" myself, the only type of girls attracted to the quiet/shy types are the girls who also have self esteem issues. Most "normal" girls only find confidence attractive


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## Aeterna (Nov 24, 2008)

Ouch.  Nevermind.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

i like shy/quiet guys, because i'm quiet myself most of the time. i like guys that CAN carry a conversation but can also sit in total silence for an hour with me and not be uncomfortable. i've only met one guy like that, so far. you just have to be friends first, i guess, and then you'll be comfortable enough that when you date you won't be too nervous to talk.
honestly, i get annoyed by guys who are too extroverted because they all seem obnoxious.


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## EmilyFay (Jan 23, 2009)

I'm with tigerlily here. I am very attracted to quiet guys that I feel comfortable with because I can truely relate to them. I find that they are the most genuine of guys and are very perceptive and sensitive. I actually hold more respect for those types of guys. Like tigerlily stated I think that being comfortable is key...sometimes what you might think is awkard for another person...like if you have a lot of quiet moments totally isnt for another person because they could actually be enjoying how comfortable they feel around you. Idk. You should embraced this aspect of yourself because I know that there are girls who really are attracted to your type and no not all of them are just quiet girls. I've met many people, including some of my relatives who are total opposites with the girl being outgoing and the guy being quiet. 


tigerlilly said:


> i like shy/quiet guys, because i'm quiet myself most of the time. i like guys that CAN carry a conversation but can also sit in total silence for an hour with me and not be uncomfortable. i've only met one guy like that, so far. you just have to be friends first, i guess, and then you'll be comfortable enough that when you date you won't be too nervous to talk.
> honestly, i get annoyed by guys who are too extroverted because they all seem obnoxious.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

I don't know about all girls, bit I don't think I'd be all that comfortable with a guy who was too talkative and loud. Spontaneous, though, because I love spontaneity. 
I don't really have much advice, but if you reel them in with a good first impression, figure out what got them interested in the first place and work on keeping that going, maybe.
Try not to withdraw and remember that first dates are pretty nerve-wrecking whether you have social anxiety or not and the girl is probably just as nervous and worried about making a good impression, too.


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## Under Pressure (Sep 13, 2008)

Of course, SA girls like SA guys because they both can relate.

Extrovert girls, from my experience, dislike quiet guys. They see quietness as a sign of weakness and insecurity. They want outspoken, confident guys or as I like to call, ***holes.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

well, in some cases a girl who talks a lot might be attracted to a quiet guy because he's a good listener. it could happen...


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Some girls like loud guys, some girls like quiet guys. I know a few women with very quiet boyfriends. I don't care either way, so long as the guy isn't some kind of crazy jerk.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

tigerlilly said:


> well, in some cases a girl who talks a lot might be attracted to a quiet guy because he's a good listener. it could happen...


I agree.
Plus, it's not just because you relate to the SA guy, but maybe you just like someone who is quiet. I personally think quiet guys are cute, SA or no.


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## Under Pressure (Sep 13, 2008)

tigerlilly said:


> well, in some cases a girl who talks a lot might be attracted to a quiet guy because he's a good listener. it could happen...


My memory sucks! I completely forgot about this girl I took to my junior prom. She was an extrovert. I asked her out to prom because I knew she had a crush on me and I knew she wouldn't say no. 2 years later she still has a crush on me, even though I live far away. I haven't talk to her in like 3 months. Girls like her are extemeley hard to come by. I can't believe I forgot about her. So your right. It can happen.


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## mjatte (Feb 10, 2007)

you will find someone..believing in you  
dream of it..
I have confidence in you for real..love is real and its yours already..and you will find it too..sweet.


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## neither nor (Apr 6, 2009)

The _only _people I like are usually introverts. If we're talking about personality types, the only exceptions are usually for ENTP guys or ENFP girls. I value shyness as a positive quality that often correlates with being a highly sensitive person (to stimuli) and introversion. My ideal partner would be INFP/INFJ.

My question to you is: which girls are you noticing? Often the talkative and sociable people are the ones that first draw our attention (since they command it). Try to _actively _notice the more quiet people with the subtle personalities.

In my experience we often seem more like black holes than stars. A little harder to detect but much more interesting. :yes


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

I actually prefer shy/quiet guys, most of the time. The extroverts, like someone else mentioned, are usually a bit too cocky for my taste. You just have to find the right girl.


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## SloopjohnB (Jan 1, 2009)

You will be fine dude, I dated a girl who by all standards was a loudmouth extrovert, but I liked her for ability to see things not seen by others. 

Just get out there and do some stuff to get your mind off the whole relationship.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

tigerlilly said:


> well, in some cases a girl who talks a lot might be attracted to a quiet guy because he's a good listener. it could happen...


I've seen it happen. Hell, it's happened to me before. Different girls have different taste in men.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

sociallybehind said:


> I suppose since I have "issues" myself, the only type of girls attracted to the quiet/shy types are the girls who also have self esteem issues. Most "normal" girls only find confidence attractive


That was harsh dude. Did you even think that through?

I am in the same boat anyways.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Under Pressure said:


> Of course, SA girls like SA guys because they both can relate.
> 
> Extrovert girls, from my experience, dislike quiet guys. They see quietness as a sign of weakness and insecurity. They want outspoken, confident guys or as I like to call, ***holes.


Close enough, friend.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

I understand where this dude is coming from. S.A. doesn't quite work the same way for men as it does for women. Even if a woman has S.A. and claims to like similar men, she quickly loses interest if we don't suddenly develop "amazing hobbies and talents."

Personally I don't consider my S.A. too bad. I can start up a conversation with a girl, keep it going for a while. But even so, I do go quiet after a while. Yet it doesn't get past friendship level.

Why ? Because i'm supposed to have the confidence to lean over and kiss her at just the right moment !

I haven't figured out when that moment is though. So I remain in the same boat as the poster.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm in a similar situation -- older and never been on a date. It's not that important to me but I would like to go on at least one date this year. I'm considering joining a dating site at some point but when I peruse them now all I find are extroverted, outgoing women looking for extroverted, outgoing men. Every profile is the same. I don't have much in common with that type of person. I think I'm able to carry on a conversation although I never have much practice since I don't have any friends and rarely talk except at work.

I suppose I'd like to find someone who has similar (but not as extreme) hang-ups and problems as me. The problem is where to find these women. The "shy dating" websites are baloney and have very small memberships. I don't know.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

Hey,

It is true most of the girls like talkative cheerful guys but if you can compensate somehow you increase your chances.

You can start bodybuilding for example, being fit helps. Also choose a career where you dont have to be very outgoing. Being good at what you are doing is also important.

Dress nice, try to smile when there is something funny. Believe me many women also find those loud guys immature. 

We have a huge hindrance to find someone who could love us as men and talking to that person is another problem but being proactive helps.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

^^ that is similar to what I am working on.
I will ask girls out when I am good and ready. Right now, they can check me out as I do my thing. :lol

Notice the change in my avatar - it's time for Spring up here in the North!!!!!


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

Well, whether girls like shy guys or not is not going to make a major difference for me. Even when girls ask me out, i just end up ignoring them even if i like them.

Problem is, i'm just too afraid to get close to anyone. I wasn't always like that, it only started about 3 years ago.

What stops me from asking girls out is the fear that i will not know how to behave when i actualy have a girlfriend.

And anyway, i don't think i would feel comfortable going out with a girl that asked me out. I don't mean to sound sexist, but i would definitely feel more comfortable doing the initiation myself. Only it's very hard for me to see it happening.

Oh well, i will just have to find a way to psych myself up. it's not going to be easy, but if i or anyone really want to achieve this goal and they really put their mind to it i'm sure it could be achieved.


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## Hippo (May 10, 2009)

I think shy people get along best with one another! The problem is, they are both too shy to ever meet each other! Like ships passing in the night.

So I think usually, a shy guy will end up with a really outgoing girl, and vice versa. This might work for a while in the beginning, but over time I think the shy person gets tired of being dragged all over the place by the more outgoing partner. Long term, its better to be with someone like yourself.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

I read about some study in a book that suggested that introvert-introvert couples were the most satisfied with their relationships. Extrovert-extrovert and extrovert-introvert were middle of the road, as long as the male was extroverted. Extrovert-introvert, where the male was introverted, had the worst levels of satisfaction.

There are extroverted women out there who are classy and polite and don't try to break you down if you show some sign of insecurity or weakness. Of course they're usually not single, but if there's some common interest I think they're worth seeking out as friends. It's a good way to be a student of human interaction.


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## citizenjane (May 5, 2009)

sociallybehind said:


> I suppose since I have "issues" myself, the only type of girls attracted to the quiet/shy types are the girls who also have self esteem issues. Most "normal" girls only find confidence attractive


So, it looks like you've answered your own question.
Date girls with self-esteem issues. You've got one yourself. 
What could be more perfect?


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

citizenjane said:


> So, it looks like you've answered your own question.
> Date girls with self-esteem issues. You've got one yourself.
> What could be more perfect?


But in my experience, even when I begin falling for a girl that's supposedly shy; she still expects me to be a Tom Cruise !

I remember once I was talking to this girl and she said "well I don't really go out much, and I don't like sports" so I said "me too".. then she watched me.. raised her eye brow.. and never dated me again.

yep ,lfie is full of spindles isn't it.


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## DepecheEyes (Aug 19, 2008)

sociallybehind said:


> Most girls want someone who is talkative right?


I don't know, but I would imagine that most people (including women) would want someone that they have rapport with. I believe that just like some people are probably nervous being with an overly silent person, they would hate being with an over-talkative chatterbox.



sociallybehind said:


> I can make a great first impression but then I withdraw. I'm so afraid of opening up that I start avoiding them. Even if I go on a date, I'd be a nervous wreck. I'm just that uncomfortable around semi-attractive women.


Can you tell me of what worst case scenario do you imagine would happen if you open yourself up to women? In other words, do you have a negative prediction if you were to open yourself up to attractive women?


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

sociallybehind said:


> Most girls want someone who is talkative right?
> My behavior must be a turn off to most girls. I can make a great first impression but then I withdraw. I'm so afraid of opening up that I start avoiding them. Even if I go on a date, I'd be a nervous wreck. I'm just that uncomfortable around semi-attractive women. I'll eventually be 30 having never had a girlfriend and I act awkward.
> 
> I'm so used to being alone. What should I do? I'm very concerned about the direction that my single life will take me. Because while most people can date, I just have a hard time unless the girls have interest in the shy quiet guy... but most really DON'T.
> ...


meetup.com has some groups, depending on the city/town, based on common interests.. including social anxiety.. depends on the types of things you like to do.. 
i'm in the same boat-- 30+ and no girlfriend/dates yet..


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)




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## Sage Sagan (Dec 12, 2011)

tigerlilly said:


> i like shy/quiet guys, because i'm quiet myself most of the time. i like guys that CAN carry a conversation but can also sit in total silence for an hour with me and not be uncomfortable. i've only met one guy like that, so far. you just have to be friends first, i guess, and then you'll be comfortable enough that when you date you won't be too nervous to talk.
> honestly, i get annoyed by guys who are too extroverted because they all seem obnoxious.


Marry me, would you? We'll spend countless happy hours watching Donnie Darko and frolicking in the rain.


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

I like shy and quiet guys, they're so cute.. I don't even get along with the talkative and loud ones.


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## Ki99 (Oct 12, 2012)

Shy guys are sexy


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

VIncymon said:


> I understand where this dude is coming from. S.A. doesn't quite work the same way for men as it does for women. Even if a woman has S.A. and claims to like similar men, she quickly loses interest if we don't suddenly develop "amazing hobbies and talents."
> 
> Personally I don't consider my S.A. too bad. I can start up a conversation with a girl, keep it going for a while. But even so, I do go quiet after a while. Yet it doesn't get past friendship level.
> 
> ...


I'm willing to bet OP just summed up the vast majority of the male SAS member's problem with opening up to women. We may think our hobbies and tastes are boring, so we don't confide them. I have this same problem, they're always waiting for me to just be myself and open up more yet I get too nervous and eventually they lose interest. Yadda yadda, cliche shy guy rant. Fact of the matter is most women want a confident man not afraid to reveal his personality. If you're just a quiet empty shell, and she's with you, obviously then she's just being with you for your looks and is just "settling" and that my friend will inevitably end in heartbreak.


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