# Can't handle school



## NowhereBoy (Jul 14, 2014)

Hello World.
I'm sorry if this might take a while to read but I deeply thank you for reading and an even bigger thanks for those who reply.

My name is Adam, I have 17yo and currently in Year 11. Now, I'd like to say that no one knows I have Social Anxiety Disorder but me and my best friend. Since last year I have had great social anxiety, it slowly developed since then and now I can't handle it. I am not your average 17yo male who goes out partying every weekend and gets drunk when I can. I dislike them a lot. I don't do drugs of any sort. I am just a young male who wants to be generally *happy*. I like old 50s rock n roll music (and anything in between) to 80s heavy metal. I'm a big rock fan no doubt. I am also an extremely shy person. I find it difficult to have a normal conversation to someone I don't normally talk to. I also have problems talking to girls. I usually get sweaty and extremely uncomfortable in confronting situations with people I don't talk to. I stutter, can't really think of anything to say and just make a fool of myself. Let me tell you 2 quick stories about this. So there is this girl I couldt keep my eyes off, and every now and then we would just look at each other. It was going on for a bit. So my friends and her friends were aware of this and they encouraged me to go up to her...so I did, and there 7-10 girls just looking at me, including her. So we walked for not even 1 minute and she suddenly said, 'Go with your friends'. Words couldn't describe the way I felt. I just hate myself after that. One day at school, we had a guest speaker, so we had to go into the library and There were a group of students in the middle sitting down and some students sitting on chairs on the outside. So I picked up a chair and sat down, and then suddenly this teacher tells me to sit in the middle, and I just put my chair back, and wallked out the library, got my bag and went home. Funny thing is I didn't even get caught except when one of my teachers saw me leaving and called me, we looked st each other and I walked away. So he ran after me and told me I just can't walk out, so I told him I signed out from the office. But I felt so intense but in an uncomfortable way. At school being forced to sit in the middle of the class, hearing the girls yelling and laughing, I lose it.I get sweaty, my legs shake, and sometimes I get this sudden urge to punch something. I don't know why I get it. But I do. Now, It hasn't been confirmed by a specialist that I have S.A.D, but I know I do. I looked up all these symptoms and I was scarily similar to all of them. I did t even know such thing as S.A.D existed. I generally don't like the majority of people at school. Because I know what they are like. I guess I'm being judgmental but I know I'm right. The guys who dress like a total (excuse my language) D!ck heads and posts stupid attention seeking statuses on Facebook. And the girls who post photos of themselves non stop and who are the biggest annoying attention seekers. 
Every single week, Monday to Friday, I feel forced against my own will having to go to School with a bunch of people I don't like. Due to my Social Anxiety, I care a lot about how I look, I know it seems extremely 'feminine' but I'm afraid by what others might say about me behind my back. I always get scared that someone is always looking at me think laughing and telling their friends. Especially when I'm in class, I MUST sit at the back, I can't sit down for the whole 50 minutes thinking someone behind me is looking at me, laughing etc. I like learning, and I feel extremely lucky to be at school and having the right to education. But I can't stand it. I don't have much friends also, I generally hang with 2 others at school and only 1 outside of school. And I am happy and grateful I have them. But I need more friends to be by my side. People who I have similar qualities to. My S.A.D is also partially the reason I'm getting low marks in two of my most important subject. I am shy and resistant to ask my teacher for help. I know that just seems stupid, but it's true. I really don't like my life at this particular stage in my life. My best friend who I mentioned has the most amazing life, career sorted, one of a kind beautiful girlfriend, part-time job, good grades in school, outside school activities. So each day he doing something new and is generally happy. 
I'm going to start wrapping this up soon, but I spent one night recently just crying, thinking why am I like this. There was a time where I had a lot of friends, I was good with the girls and so was happy. Now as a 17yo I am generally just not happy, I don't want this to affect me as a person. It's affecting my social life completely. I'm afraid if I don't change this soon, I'm going to flip out. And just run off, get away from the heat. I can't go on about this, but I'm afraid and shy to tell my parents.I feel somewhat embarrassed about it. But I need some serious help. It's affecting me and my school life greatly. 
Sorry for the extremely long and detailed essay on my Social Anxiety. Please, if you can, reply to this. I just need a lot of help and guidance into what I can do. This took me 1hr straight to type and my fingers and killing me. So thanks a lot for reading, and even a bigger thanks if you reply.
Have a great day!
Adam


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## catfreak1991 (May 24, 2014)

Felt the same way in high school. It will be over soon! 90% of the people you went to school with will never be seen again (at least, not by you). 

If you plan on going to college, try to take as many online classes as possible. Jobs are going to be a whole new level of bulls*t once you graduate. :yes


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

You are not alone, as you explore the forum you will notice that a majority of individuals on here are/have experienced most things that you mentioned. Look around here and you will see that many offer advice and tips on Social Anxiety. The time it takes to improve and have less anxiety depends on how severe ones anxiety is but regardless try your best to improve yourself. Since you have a friend on your side,ask him for some advice,or have him help you out.


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## pocketbird (Jun 30, 2014)

Hi Adam. I think everyone who went to high school didn't like it at some point... sometimes this includes the people who don't look like they're struggling. My high school years were something like this. But the difference was, I never had a friend. You are very lucky to have one by your side to help you out especially one who understands your problem and has the patience to be there for you. I think the best thing you should do is to talk to your friend about your problem. It seems like he is helping you out a bit. If not talk to your parents about it. I had to suck it up and get over it. I attended school dreading every minute of it but voila, it was over with! If you are anxious, just think about the fact that you will be out of there in two more years. You won't have to worry about everyone anymore after it's over, and maybe you'll find relief in that to help you relax a bit!

With SAD, we assume people are making fun of us, we become anxious about people judging us behind our backs, not liking us, scaring them away, but the truth is most of the time they're not talking about us... all the stuff bothering us is in our heads. If you really look at the kids laughing or listen to their conversations, chances are they aren't talking about you. Because we have SA it's difficult to climb that ladder away from our fears..It constantly trails behind us. 

Definitely try to overcome it. It's a hard thing to do, even I am struggling with it - but the more you face your fears, the more confident you become and that's just how it'll get better. It's a lot to take in, but if you ever wonder why people are so confident and happy, it's because they TRY to get over what's holding them back and they keep pushing forward. In the end, the reward is worth holding onto.

It's not an easy thing to do, I know that. But if some people can overcome their SA, I'm sure we can to! It just takes some baby steps and a lot of effort.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Hi, Adam.

I have very similar issues to you. I hate school with a burning passion, and I'm also from Australia.  I'm in year 10 though. Anyway, I have major issues at school with Social Anxiety, lack of motivation, and an inability to fit in. I don't have any friends, and I have a major lack of social skills.

You say that you're not the average 17 year old. I guess you could say that I'm not your average 16 year old, haha. I don't go to parties and have sex and drugs and stuff. I do want to try drugs though, but that's a different story.

Anyway, I should tell you that I've things happen to me that are really quite similar to things you've experienced. One time, in a Math class, our class was in the library, and I was just sitting around doing nothing as per usual (I almost always do nothing in class) and suddenly, somebody took a photo of me. I was really suspicious when I saw two kids looking at me and laughing for some reason, and then they flashed their phone, and I saw a picture of me on the screen. They were laughing at it, and I panicked.

My face went bright red and I could feel my pulse pounding all throughout my body. My face was boiling hot. I was in complete shock and panic. I just packed up my stuff and walked out of the class. I couldn't even breathe properly. My eyes went extremely wide and I felt like fainting. I was too disgusted and horrified to even cry, and this was all just over a photo. My SA is really bad, lol. I literally cannot even talk to people with panicking.

Another story that happened with me was in P.E. This was about 2 months ago. Anyway, we were doing a P.E class, and we began playing a game. This was one of those games where one person would go and perform at a time. It was a batting and fielding type game. Anyway, I went to the back of the line because it takes me ages to collect my bearings and prepare for the extremely traumatic experience that is about to happen.

I quickly realized that I was actually at the FRONT of the line, and it was suddenly my turn to go. I was completely unprepared, and I had a panic attack right on the spot. I felt sick. I almost threw up, and when I got handed the bat, I couldn't even move. I could feel the heaviest heartbeat I'd ever felt in my life. I couldn't breathe and felt like I was choking. I was shaking like crazy and when I tried to go, I couldn't swing my arms. They went completely stiff. I suddenly started screaming like crazy, dropped the bat and just ran for my life. I ran out of the gym while loudly screaming.

That was my worst panic attack, but somehow, haha, I managed to go back to class at the end of the day. Even after I'd just had a panic attack in front of about 80 people.

I've got other glorious panic attack stories, haha. :/

I also don't really like many people at my school. I walk around really tense like, 95% of the time. I'm really anxious in front of *everybody*. Are you uncomfortable around everybody? Or just certain groups of people, like girls?

Just a random person walking up to me and saying random **** to me is enough to make me panic. I describe school as pure torture, and I actually don't think it's healthy for certain people to go to school. If you're like me, school is going to put enough stress on you to eventually erupt into a full on mental breakdown. People are constantly saying that stress isn't healthy, well then, school can't be healthy then!

SA also shatters my grades. If it weren't for SA, I'd probably be getting a few B's and A's, but since my SA is so bad that it borders on Avoidant Personality Disorder, even just asking questions and communicating with teachers is anxiety inducing. I talk to nobody, unless I'm certain of being liked. I have shocking self esteem as well. School is destroying my life and school is the only place where I actually feel strong urges to self harm.

Oh, and caring about how you look is not feminine. It's just that, caring how you look. It's not going to make you look gay or anything, haha. Oh, and thinking that others are always laughing at you, yeah. Me too. Everytime I hear laughing, I'm like "OH MY GOSH. Are they laughing at me?!"

Also, don't be shy in telling your parents about your problems. The first step to getting help is admitting that you have a problem. You should really tell them.

Sorry if this entire post sounds rather self centred, but I'm pretty much just trying to show you that you're not alone in your situation.


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## HostileParadise (Jul 6, 2014)

Wow, I too am a 17 year old boy and in year 11. I definitely know what you are going through, although my problems are not really the same as yours, for me it is issues with myself and my mentality and just the way that I am living life. SA absolutely sucks as you know. I find myself becoming less and less social as I grow older and more and more introverted. One way is to try to change your mentality to a positive one. I know this sounds really cliche but if you really want to change this is where you start. People unconsciously pick up on these hidden vibes. Ever notice that you can tell when is one is happy and another is sad or gloomy. Change your mentality and attitude. Start to think positive about everything and don't think about your SA at all. This can really help. Other than that all I can say is hang in there. Time goes by super fast. Before you know it year 12 will be finished and you will graduate. :yes


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