# I've always been quiet.



## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

In elemntary school I would whisper to a select few. One of my most painful memories is from fourth grade. I had my first presentation and I wouldn't say anything. The teacher yelled at me to talk but I wouldn't. Then she gave me detention. Thinking back, it really pisses me off. Anyone else been in similar situations?


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

Guess not :stu


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

same bro. I use to only nod. I couldn't even whisper haha.


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

I remember my fourth grade elementary teacher read my mother's letter, and said to me that I was lying, then the whole entire class said he's always lying. It's funny, I don't even talk to people from class, and how they heck do they know something false about me. I never lied to my mother about the teacher never checking my home work.


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## britbrit18 (Jun 6, 2015)

I've had many experiences like that, and I still have trouble getting up and talking in front of people. 
That's dumb that you got detention, I guess people have a hard time understanding shyness/social anxiety if they've never had to experience it themselves :/


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

I used to talk in class and stuff. But during lunch time while "hanging out" I used to be quiet. Almost opposite.


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## IXXI (Jun 9, 2015)

I was too scared to go to high school, so I just didn't. I couldn't even take elementary school.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I was so quiet all throughout grade school, it was super rare to hear me speak. In college I opened up a little, still had panic attacks during speeches.


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

Was anybody put into Speech class or Special Ed for being quiet/different?


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

Wow now I get some responses. Thanks guys. I don't feel so alone :smile2: And no never been put in a speech class or anything. I think I'm just better at pretending now that I'm older. So people just think I'm really quiet but what are ya gonna do. Though I do remember in junior year of high school an english teacher randomly taking me aside and telling me that I could talk to her about anythinkg, like she knew. I really liked her and I really wanted to talk to her but couldn't because well, anxiety :serious:


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

I think my first speech class was in sixth grade. I did various speech therapies. My stutter is still miserable though and my anxiety is brutal.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

I actually took a public speaking class when I was still in college... It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done and it helped nothing.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

Actually, adding to my last post, I'm pretty sure it made things worse. The criticism from the professor was brutal. Probably why I am even more terrified of it now and I ran away from college all together.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

all through grade school, i had stutter problem and was soft-spoken. I want to go back to school, but afraid of any required public speaking classes. were you required to take those?


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

HenDoggy said:


> all through grade school, i had stutter problem and was soft-spoken. I want to go back to school, but afraid of any required public speaking classes. were you required to take those?


I think most majors require a public speaking class. That's the only reason I took it or I wouldn't have in a million years. Once I graduated from county college and moved on to university, I couldn't even muster up the courage to do it at all. I heard: 10 minute speech and a skit and I was out. It sucks. I really want to go to school but that's what I fear too. And just the classroom setting in general. It drains me to be around such social individuals while I'm invisible in the back, wishing I could just be a part of all of it.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

I had three presentations last semester (in 1 week no less) and it was horrible. My performance was terrible but I survived.

Maybe you could get diagnosed with social phobia and have the counselors excuse you from public speaking assignments.

I often choke up and can't say anything either. Its awful I know :/


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

OrbitalResonance said:


> I had three presentations last semester (in 1 week no less) and it was horrible. My performance was terrible but I survived.
> 
> Maybe you could get diagnosed with social phobia and have the counselors excuse you from public speaking assignments.
> 
> I often choke up and can't say anything either. Its awful I know :/


But we should be able to do these things. Running away wont help I know, but it's exactly what I did. I've faced my fears plenty of times though just to fall on my face. We have to do these things though, not just for school. At work today, we had a little meeting. We went around the circle and had to say something positive about someone else. I was up last. Though it is not hard at all for me to say something positive about someone, I was anxiously waiting and thinking of what exactly to say, because I had to say it to a group of people, who would all be looking at me. It sucked. And I felt really hot. And then this ******* just talked right over me and it didn't even matter what I said anymore.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

You are right, we should. I'm just weighing getting a degree vs not getting a degree and finding a way to push ahead.

Going around the circle, oh my the memories of icebreakers and meetings >.<

Its not too late to turn around and go back. I think you should go ahead and try again at college, proceeding either with what you had before, or something else that you think would fit you better now. Since you already have public speaking out of the way now you can strategize to minimize :] 3 hour 1 day a week classes are less likely to have presentations, and you can ask previous students about professors and if they give presentations or not. Anything left over will have to be taken on.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

Maybe next time you won't fall. The future is there and ready. I think you can do it. Just stay postive.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

OrbitalResonance said:


> You are right, we should. I'm just weighing getting a degree vs not getting a degree and finding a way to push ahead.
> 
> Going around the circle, oh my the memories of icebreakers and meetings >.<
> 
> Its not too late to turn around and go back. I think you should go ahead and try again at college, proceeding either with what you had before, or something else that you think would fit you better now. Since you already have public speaking out of the way now you can strategize to minimize :] 3 hour 1 day a week classes are less likely to have presentations, and you can ask previous students about professors and if they give presentations or not. Anything left over will have to be taken on.


Well I guess that does make sense then. To get a degree I should do whatever it takes right? First I need to seek out a therapist because I've never actually talked to anyone about this. Thank you for the advice! I'm definitely working up to going back to college. I can only handle so much at a time though. But however many years it takes, I'm getting that damn degree.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

Thats the spirit. In light of the recent Shia LaBeouf meme. Just do it!!!! :] There is always a way to make it less painful, just be proactive. I am taking less than 5 classes, more like 3-4 to make it easier as I have other anxieties too that slow my learning down. But you could even take one or 2 classes at a time and get it done at a reasonable pace. How many credits do you have? Just think, since you said you already have an associates, you are halfway through!! I remember something my former boss said to me, "once you have your degree, no one can ever take it from you." Take it one class, one test at a time. The ultimate goal is worth it, it means freedom in so many ways.


I've started seeing a therapist too after avoiding them, the second session was today. I definitely feel better, and maybe they can devise some anti-anxiety strategies for when the upcoming tasks ahead are rough.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

You're very encouraging thank you! I've been thinking of seeing a therapist for months. Right now I'm in the middle of dealing with moving and moving my job. So not ready for new faces. I've been at this job for a year. But after that, which is hopefully only another month, I'll start the process.


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

Yeah... always the quiet one.
gave up speaking altogether a little while into HS.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I'm basically mute while at school. I didn't even have friends to whisper to or be around like you OP. I was literally all alone. I spent every class sitting in the back and never speaking. I spent lunches hiding away in the bathroom or back of the library. After school I swear I would sprint to the bus because I was so happy it was just ****ing over for the day.


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## xDaisyMelody (Jun 5, 2014)

Aww~ I know how that felt whenever I talk in front of the class to give a speech. I can't even moved my whole body :/


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

iCod said:


> I'm basically mute while at school. I didn't even have friends to whisper to or be around like you OP. I was literally all alone. I spent every class sitting in the back and never speaking. I spent lunches hiding away in the bathroom or back of the library. After school I swear I would sprint to the bus because I was so happy it was just ****ing over for the day.


I guess some have it worse than others. Are you any better now?


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

xDaisyMelody said:


> Aww~ I know how that felt whenever I talk in front of the class to give a speech. I can't even moved my whole body :/


My public speaking teacher made me feel like an *** for not smiling. You try smiling when you're terrified beyond belief.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

Were a smile happy culture tho :/ Most of its fake smiles imo.



> You try smiling when you're terrified beyond belief.


I kept thinking during the semester leading up to the speeches that I wish I could make the people around me feel the same way for a while so they understand what I go though and not be so hard on me, or know its not them when I act weird.


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## DJAshton (Jun 8, 2015)

Its really weird, I'm very shy at quiet and don't tend to speak much at all, but if I'm doing a presentation or an interview etc, I can pretend to be a completely different person. A confident, intelligent person. I can't be that way all the time though, its exhausting enough for short periods.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

DJAshton said:


> Its really weird, I'm very shy at quiet and don't tend to speak much at all, but if I'm doing a presentation or an interview etc, I can pretend to be a completely different person. A confident, intelligent person. I can't be that way all the time though, its exhausting enough for short periods.


That's pretty much how I was with my presentations too. But who was I fooling lol. We're good pretenders I guess.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

OrbitalResonance said:


> Were a smile happy culture tho :/ Most of its fake smiles imo.
> 
> I kept thinking during the semester leading up to the speeches that I wish I could make the people around me feel the same way for a while so they understand what I go though and not be so hard on me, or know its not them when I act weird.


Oh believe me I fake a smile all the time. It was just so hard in that moment. I had way too much anxiety. But at work, I'm always fake smiling at customers. And then when they're not around I'll go back to my straight face. Then one of my bosses will walk by and tell me to smile and I want to be like stfu you guys don't smile every second of the day either lol. My one boss who is a male and always says "I'm here" when you ask him how he is always comes by and tells me to smile so I tell him to smile and he's like nah. It's just because I'm a female and that's part of my gender role that he's telling me that. Gtfo.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

CiciRomance said:


> Oh believe me I fake a smile all the time. It was just so hard in that moment. I had way too much anxiety. But at work, I'm always fake smiling at customers. And then when they're not around I'll go back to my straight face. Then one of my bosses will walk by and tell me to smile and I want to be like stfu you guys don't smile every second of the day either lol. My one boss who is a male and always says "I'm here" when you ask him how he is always comes by and tells me to smile so I tell him to smile and he's like nah. It's just because I'm a female and that's part of my gender role that he's telling me that. Gtfo.


Thats totally bs and a double standard. lol I have people telling me to smile all the time or saying that I look angry or unhappy when i'm actually indifferent. (though most likely anxious about somethin) Hell, sometimes when i'm happy they say it 

So do you work in a retail store or something similar? I work at a grocery store, so I know the rounds when it comes to dealing with people, customers and nutty coworkers alike. I only really hate one, who is always criticizing me in some fashion, not directly, but you know he means it. Like the other day he kept making comments about how I need to eat more cause I look so thin. I know & I have but I can't help my metabolism plus $$ and stuff >.>


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## thetown (Aug 16, 2014)

Yay. Special shoutout to online speech class for fulfilling my high school speech credit c:

I was the jokester in elementary. Making people laugh compensated for my quietness.


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## kuroshure (Dec 26, 2014)

I was the kind of person who would defend those quiet people in HS. I can't stand it when someone picks on a quiet person. It makes me sick.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

kuroshure said:


> I was the kind of person who would defend those quiet people in HS. I can't stand it when someone picks on a quiet person. It makes me sick.


Man why didn't I go to high school with you lol


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

OrbitalResonance said:


> Thats totally bs and a double standard. lol I have people telling me to smile all the time or saying that I look angry or unhappy when i'm actually indifferent. (though most likely anxious about somethin) Hell, sometimes when i'm happy they say it
> 
> So do you work in a retail store or something similar? I work at a grocery store, so I know the rounds when it comes to dealing with people, customers and nutty coworkers alike. I only really hate one, who is always criticizing me in some fashion, not directly, but you know he means it. Like the other day he kept making comments about how I need to eat more cause I look so thin. I know & I have but I can't help my metabolism plus $$ and stuff >.>


Yeah I work at a frieken Target. Not the best job for me but somehow I manage. And I also get those you need to eat more comments -___- Some people comment that I never eat when actually I do. Yall just never on break with me. It's pretty annoying.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

Lovecrushed said:


> Yay. Special shoutout to online speech class for fulfilling my high school speech credit c:
> 
> I was the jokester in elementary. Making people laugh compensated for my quietness.


How does online speech class work?


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## tidbit (May 13, 2015)

CiciRomance said:


> I actually took a public speaking class when I was still in college... It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done and it helped nothing. .


I hated this class! No idea why it is a requirement. It did not make me a better speaker, only made it worse. 
I also hate when the teachers interrupt you when you're speaking in front of everyone by saying, "can you speak up? I can't hear you." and then when you speak up as much as you can, it's still not good enough and they keep repeating themselves. Makes my anxiety skyrocket.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

Me too. I had no friends back then either. I used to just wander throughout the schoolyard alone looking at all the kids playing and wishing I could be a part of it, but they'd never let me.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

tidbit said:


> I hated this class! No idea why it is a requirement. It did not make me a better speaker, only made it worse.
> I also hate when the teachers interrupt you when you're speaking in front of everyone by saying, "can you speak up? I can't hear you." and then when you speak up as much as you can, it's still not good enough and they keep repeating themselves. Makes my anxiety skyrocket.


Ugh! I totally agree! I got that all the time! I can't make my voice any frieken louder.


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

Mattsy94 said:


> Me too. I had no friends back then either. I used to just wander throughout the schoolyard alone looking at all the kids playing and wishing I could be a part of it, but they'd never let me.


That is sad. I would play but wouldn't talk, with the kids that let me at least. I remember one time we were playing tag and I accidentally pushed this girl down and I got in trouble and I couldn't even speak up and say it was an accident. It was terrible.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

i went through a phrase were i would put on a facade and acted all talkative and stuff, but it would deplete all my energy at the end of the day. i gave up because it was so mentally draining keeping up with everything and i wasn't being myself. i don't know how people do it


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

HenDoggy said:


> i went through a phrase were i would put on a facade and acted all talkative and stuff, but it would deplete all my energy at the end of the day. i gave up because it was so mentally draining keeping up with everything and i wasn't being myself. i don't know how people do it


That's how I try to be. Sometimes it actually works and sometimes people see right through it. It is terribly draining.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

CiciRomance said:


> That's how I try to be. Sometimes it actually works and sometimes people see right through it. It is terribly draining.


yeah and sometimes they make those annoying comments, like "omg so-and-so just said something!" it makes it more disparaging since i gained the reputation as the "shy" kid lol


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

HenDoggy said:


> yeah and sometimes they make those annoying comments, like "omg so-and-so just said something!" it makes it more disparaging since i gained the reputation as the "shy" kid lol


I don't usually get that. What I usually get is you're so quiet. Or someone making fun of me by talking in a quiet voice. Or someone asking why are you so quiet. All very annoying and all very much making my anxiety worse.


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## starsfire (May 11, 2015)

I used to stutter a lot when i was little. I dont anymore unless im extremly mad. Or im extremly nerves


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## CiciRomance (May 23, 2015)

starsfire said:


> I used to stutter a lot when i was little. I dont anymore unless im extremly mad. Or im extremly nerves


I don't remember if I stuttered when I was younger. But I do stutter once in a blue moon. I just did last night and my friend made fun of me for it -___-


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