# My therapyst wants me to get angry with her?



## Cupcakes (Jan 31, 2012)

I have trouble expressing anger and disaproval. I'm a pleaser person -.-

She wants me to talk about how I feel there, how I feel about her and mostly complain/get angry with her!

I can't, I have nothing to complain besides.. she's being a bug insisting about this.

I think she is perfect. And I wish I was so pretty and beautiful like her, I almost look at her like a godess or something (she looks like she has indian anscendancy which I find very beautiful).

Perhaps I should tell her how much I admire her physical aspect, but It's completely out of context and stupid if I say such. But nothing else comes to my mind when she asks me.

I'm a girl and straight, so I'm not hitting on her or something like that haha!
I think I just admire her, I don't know if this someday can become jealousy or something bad.


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## user12345 (Jan 10, 2012)

This happened to me also. I would rarely get angry, because when I get angry it is REALLY bad. But she wanted me to express myself, so she asked me to get mad at her. All I would do is clench my jaw and close up. I just didn't feel comfortable getting mad at her. 

And it was for the same reasons as you. I looked up to her, admired her, wanted to be like her. She was so beautiful, inside and out. I realised that I had a lot of transference issues going on. You don't have to be bi/lesbian to have transference, a lot of people have transference going on even with the same-sex therapist. It's normal, and it can help a lot in therapy. It is difficult to talk about it with your therapist but if you figure out WHY this is happening, it can be greatly beneficial. 

For example, when I started to see my therapist I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship. And then I saw her - she was smart, funny, beautiful, just all round amazing. I transferred my feelings on to her, thinking she was the perfect woman. It all went away after she got engaged though. 

I think it's a good idea to tell her you look up to her, and so you find it difficult to get angry. 

An alternative, which might be appreciated by her, is to think about other things that make you angry and then express that in front of her. So it's not like you are getting angry with her, but more like you are getting angry about other things in front of her. That could be a good step. 

Hope you find the answers you are looking for and manage to express your anger in a healthy manner.

P.S I am sorry for not replying sooner, I did draft a reply to this a few days ago but I forgot to send it!


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## Reclus (Jan 11, 2012)

Anger can be a very negative thing for people suffering from anxiety. It induces guilt and shame afterwards. You spend so much of your time trying to find an inner calm and do not want it disturbed. So strong emotions become anathema to you. 

I think she is probably trying to break you out of that in order to free up your emotions, but it is probably not going to work too well if you actually like her.


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## Shredder (Apr 19, 2011)

Yeah same thing with me. I told my therapist how I got really angry at the fact that I had to get angry with a person. He was so excited that I got angry and gave this person a serving. For me it was like the worst thing to happen.

I think its common for a person to get an attachment to a therapist but Im guessing it can be dangerous. Ive noticed mine is starting to try and get me to connect with other people.. Im guessing it so I dont become so dependant on him.


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

> I think I just admire her, I don't know if this someday can become jealousy or something bad.


I think a too close connection to a therapist isn't good and also idolizing a person isn't good. You might become dependent on her.


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## Silent Image (Dec 22, 2010)




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## Cupcakes (Jan 31, 2012)

norad said:


> I think a too close connection to a therapist isn't good and also idolizing a person isn't good. You might become dependent on her.


yes I have a strong tendency becoming dependant on others. This is transference i'm doing with her.

At the same time and I know it's contradictory, I act like I'm way too independant. It's the idea that others have of me, unless the ones I have a closest connection.

She's always acts a bit distant to me, and I know it might be the cause, she knows what's going to happen.


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## Cupcakes (Jan 31, 2012)

R91 said:


> This happened to me also. I would rarely get angry, because when I get angry it is REALLY bad. But she wanted me to express myself, so she asked me to get mad at her. All I would do is clench my jaw and close up. I just didn't feel comfortable getting mad at her.
> 
> And it was for the same reasons as you. I looked up to her, admired her, wanted to be like her. She was so beautiful, inside and out. I realised that I had a lot of transference issues going on. You don't have to be bi/lesbian to have transference, a lot of people have transference going on even with the same-sex therapist. It's normal, and it can help a lot in therapy. It is difficult to talk about it with your therapist but if you figure out WHY this is happening, it can be greatly beneficial.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for sharing your experience and advice. It helped me alot, believe me.

I think I don't feel any attraction towards her (if I understood well what you said). But I really admire her. I wish I was so pretty and confident as she is.
She's got everything I wanted to have but still I don't feel any kind of unhealthy jealousy, but admiration. 
I do projections and transference on people all the time, in an irrealistic way.
She is just one more of them lol.

But i'm really afraid if I tell her this, even saying positive things, she might take this as a manipulative action. Because I am manipulative, I know it, she knows it.

I'll tell her anyways, all this. And let's see how I feel about it then.

Thank you!


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## Cupcakes (Jan 31, 2012)

Silent Image said:


>


oh LOL xD

That's what happens when we hold anger for so much long.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

tell her that you have a crush on her to see what she says


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## Cupcakes (Jan 31, 2012)

MobiusX said:


> tell her that you have a crush on her to see what she says


yeah I could do it and then just laugh to see her reaction xD I don't know if I have the courage to do that.

But hey, I don't have a crush on her... i'd just like to be like her, she's so perfect!


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## kpx0 (Mar 12, 2012)

I've had my therapist do this to me too. He believed that I didn't express negative feelings enough, so during a session he deliberately tried to piss me off. Thing is, he didn't tell me he was trying to do that. He just did it. Was really provoking. Deliberately misunderstanding anything I said. Being really cocky and making fun of some of the things I said. I was annoyed by it, but didn't do anything, as I was very nervous and figured I was just confused, and tried to act politely despite of it. The next session he told me that he had deliberately tried to piss me off.
I'll smack his nose in the next time he does it. See if he considers that an improvement in expressing feelings  just kidding of course..


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