# Has anyone tried Eharmony?



## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

I'm considering it. I think it's a safer site compared to lavalife or HotOrNot.

? 

Megan


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

When did hotornot become a dating site? There are two that I know of that offer comprehensive comparative analysis; eharmony and okcupid, the latter of which is more of a cross between a dating site and myspace. From what I know of eharmony's match-making techniques, they're very scientific, specific to heterosexual dating endeavors and somewhat successful. The problem is that they don't cater to people with dibilitating conditions, physical or otherwise. You may find yourself a great match for a penpal but your potential significant other isn't very likely looking for someone incapable of being social, having to pop pills two or three times/day to stay 'normal', battling neurosis, etc. It's very much built to cater to the average, ordinary straight man and woman.


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

> You may find yourself a great match for a penpal but your potential significant other isn't very likely looking for someone incapable of being social, having to pop pills two or three times/day to stay 'normal', battling neurosis, etc. It's very much built to cater to the average, ordinary straight man and woman.


I hear ya.

:sigh

Well, so far I have had one person close their communication with me stating that he is 'too busy' at the moment. I am already discouraged, and perhaps it's my pics that are scaring him away. I'm not a photogenic person, but in real life I am more attractive than my pictures.  Unfortunately, it seems attraction is highly based on what a person looks like.

On a positive note, three people communicated me without looking at my picture. However, I"ve responded to their questions, and am still waiting for a reply. EHarmony is very expensive, and I so far I haven't received many matches (approximately 14).

Meg


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

try matchdoctor & plenty of fish, both are free.


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

thanks equisgurl.  I'll check them out.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I tried eharmony a few years ago. I spent at least an hour filling out their personality profile and got rejected by them. :yay


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

That sucks, lonely guy.  

(((hugs)))


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

eharmony rejects most SAers


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

dont you have to pay for eharmony? I just dont see how anyone could pay for online dating....is just wrong.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Personally, I wouldn't. I tried True.com, they had a free trial. 
I hate filling out those damn profile questions. The whole thing bores me.
If my only options were dealing with that crap or being alone, I'd just be alone.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

*Re: re: Has anyone tried Eharmony?*

Eharmony is probably a better place for internet dating than, say, Hot or Not, because the latter seems like a really superficial hook-up site to me. Maybe I have the wrong impression, though. Eharmony rejects a lot of people for silly reasons, judging them to be incompatible with those on their site. Some of the other sites people have suggested would probably offer better services. 


Strange Religion said:


> Personally, I wouldn't. I tried True.com, they had a free trial.
> I hate filling out those damn profile questions. The whole thing bores me.
> If my only options were dealing with that crap or being alone, I'd just be alone.


I feel the same way. I once filled out a profile on a dating site out of curiosity, but instead of filling it with heart-warming and endearing qualities, I just put down a bunch of crap that amused me. Apparently, my profile really spoke to the sex offender population, because I actually received several responses. One was from a really sexy transvestite in Japan. I'm sad we couldn't have been together.


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

Why would anyone even try online matchmaking sites? They're even worse than having your parents arrange your marriage, IMHO.


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

> One was from a really sexy transvestite in Japan. I'm sad we couldn't have been together.


 :lol


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

> Eharmony rejects a lot of people for silly reasons, judging them to be incompatible with those on their site.


Do they give an explanation why you are not compatible? I wonder....? I guess this is their way of screening people who are mentally unwell, which does make sense, hence the reason why many people consider it a better site compared to others. However, ANYBODY can lie about themselves online. IMO, it's a 50-50 toss up when you meet the person in real life. Those are my expectations since too many factors play a part in compatability; not just some scientific screening tool. 

The reason why I'm trying EHarmony is because I have spoken to a few people who have had success with it. I'm not putting my eggs in one basket, but I thought I'd give it a shot. It certainly doesn't hurt to try, while keeping my expectations LOW. So far, I'm not happy that I'm not getting very many matches at this time. Maybe I'm one of those borderline "rejects" and they're having a tough time matching me? lol. Besides, I just wish EHarmony would give you some sort of graph depicting what type of personality you match, instead of blindly leading you to people that you have to interrogate with their prefabricated questions. It's sort of like saying 'just trust our system, and you will be ok', but you don't have any clue HOW their system matches you with somebody. The site tries to explain it well enough, but there should be more examples using personality type matching like Myers-Briggs. :stu

I'll try the other recommended sites for sure.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Retreat said:


> I'm considering it. I think it's a safer site compared to lavalife or HotOrNot.
> 
> ?
> 
> Megan


eHarmony is for normal successful people.

Most SAer's do not fit that bill and will get rejected.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I haven't yet tried any dating site but it seems that sites like EHarmony are different because they give you matches to your traits whereas other sites just have galleries of people you can search yourself. Am I right? To me the idea of matches being determined by stupid profile questions and then presented to you isn't very appealing. The commercial for EHarmony is certainly unappealing. 

I like looking at Yahoo! Personals because they just have galleries of profiles that you can search. You can be as specific or general as you want in terms of what traits you are looking for and you aren't given arranged matches from the site itself. Am I correct in how Yahoo! works and the difference between it and EHarmony?

I've also seen a few comments from people on this site that dating sites are forced ways to meet people. But to me (remember, I haven't joined one yet) it simply seems like an alternative way to meet someone, the same as walking up to them at a social gathering. It's just a tool and if you join and start talking to someone you should stop communicating via the site as soon as possible and call the person or even meet up. A lot of frustration I've seen people express with these sites is in having to wait for people to reply to their messages and wondering if they no longer want to talk, don't like them, etc. But if you meet up or call as soon as possible then you've opened communication much faster. Anyone agree?


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## Loner (Jun 8, 2007)

Lonelyguy said:


> I tried eharmony a few years ago. I spent at least an hour filling out their personality profile and got rejected by them. :yay


Same here, a couple of months ago. I appreciated the honesty, though. Me, if I had a dating site, I'd probably try to rope in as many suckers as possible. Business education.

As to why anyone would try online dating: sometimes you get so desperately lonely, you'll try anything. Actually, I did meet one very nice woman via an online dating site back in germany. So it's not completely hopeless.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

*Re: re: Has anyone tried Eharmony?*



IcedOver said:


> I've also seen a few comments from people on this site that dating sites are forced ways to meet people. But to me (remember, I haven't joined one yet) it simply seems like an alternative way to meet someone, the same as walking up to them at a social gathering. It's just a tool and if you join and start talking to someone you should stop communicating via the site as soon as possible and call the person or even meet up. A lot of frustration I've seen people express with these sites is in having to wait for people to reply to their messages and wondering if they no longer want to talk, don't like them, etc. But if you meet up or call as soon as possible then you've opened communication much faster. Anyone agree?


Exactly! You really get it despite not even engaging in online dating yourself. Don't let whatever is holding you back keep you from trying.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

radfaraf--You had actually said that before -- about getting off the site as soon as possible -- and I really agreed with that because I know how frustrating it would be to keep waiting for replies to messages. EHarmony seems to have too many "steps" of communication and that is lame. I think the ideal would be to contact someone, exchange a few messages over a few days and if you feel comfortable give out your phone number and then just be done with the site. 

I recall that you said you've had a lot of dates via dating sites. About how long on average do you communicate online before calling or meeting up? What sites have you used?

Coincidentally, I just saw a little bit of a "Dr. Keith Ablow" show that dealt with online dating. They had a guest who is a serial online dater and over the past few years has had dates with 200 women whom he met online and keeps a spreadsheet of over 700 so he can keep track of who he has talked to. He got trash over the spreadsheet but since he talks to so many he has to have some way of remembering who they are.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Lonelyguy said:


> I tried eharmony a few years ago. I spent at least an hour filling out their personality profile and got rejected by them. :yay


Me too. I tried it and it said I wasn't compatible with anyone or some crap like that. :um I figured that was just their way of saying "If you want a match you have to pay for it".


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

I just created a free profile and during the free days, I did try it and communicated with some guys that sounded pretty interesting. But in truth, I wouldn't go out with someone from online mainly cause of my SA, I have enough trouble as it is hanging out with people I've known for some time. 

But the dating sites where you have to pay sounds better than the free ones just because you are spending money so the people on it are probably pretty serious about finding someone. 

Oh and what do you mean eharmony rejected you? I thought they matched you with people fitting your personality...? I don't get it.


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## Veggie1 (Jan 12, 2006)

I tried a few different dating sites about three (?) years ago, including Eharmony, Yahoo, and Perfect Match. I am leery of most of the freebie sites because most of the guys seemed to just be looking to get laid.

Of course, being vegetarian and searching for the same makes it even harder to find a compatible single. (Please keep meat-eating comments to yourself, thank you.) On Yahoo, some guy e-mailed me and wanted to debate animal issues with me. Ya, that's why I was on there. :roll

I paid for Eharmony and Perfect Match. Perfect Match had no actual matches for me for my three-month period so I got my money back. I did get three e-mails from a man who lived only 25 miles from me that I politely said I wasn't interested in but he repeated his e-mail to me anyway. It was creepy. You couldn't block people at that time. I did get one response from a nice looking guy who begged to hear from me but when I replied to him, he disappeared. :stu

I like that Eharmony has lots of personality traits, however, it doesn't cover my particular interests and so I got several guys just the opposite of what I wanted - hunters, etc. You can move rather quickly through their process if you both want to. One guy was in too much of a hurry for me, then he suddenly stopped writing me altogether so I figured he met someone else.

The last time I checked out Eharmony, though, was last winter or something when they had a free deal of some kind. You could see descriptions of your 'compatibles' but not their photos. There was only one guy within 25 miles of me (I'm in the 5th largest city in the U.S.!) and in his paragraph, he talked about his penis, though avoided using that actual word. :fall He's the only one I came across on Eharmony like that, though. Probably because it was a free deal.

I haven't looked again since. I was not depressed when I first joined three years ago so I suppose that's why I got accepted. I read they don't accept people who are depressed. If I could put in the traits that I'm looking for and I were looking for someone now, I'd join Eharmony again.

I did join one or two vegetarian sites but they didn't pan out.

This is the site I would REALLY like to give a try but I don't have the nerve at this time. http://www.democraticsingles.net/ 
Their 'Mission' jibes with my views. It's very cheap to join and it can be free.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Lonelyguy said:


> I tried eharmony a few years ago. I spent at least an hour filling out their personality profile and got rejected by them. :yay


I did their profile just as a test and I too was rejected, though I'm vastly more odd than Dave.

There is some similar site I've seen advertised on TV for the one million that have been rejected by eharmony where they show these ordinary folks pondering why they got rejected like "was it my parking ticket?"


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Eharmony is crap, they discriminate based on many things, SA being just 1 of them.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

I retook the questionnaire twice, modifying many of my traits a bit to be more normal, and I still got rejected.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*Re: re: Has anyone tried Eharmony?*

I just registered at eHarmony and took some of the test but it's easy to see how someone could be rejected considering what personality traits they include. I'm not going to finish the test because I don't want to have a profile on the site or be heckled to pay. The questions themselves are so annoying. Do they only match you with people who are like you? What if you want to meet someone who is the opposite? It looks like a terrible site and waste of money.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

The last time there was a thread about eharmony here I made an account. To my surprise, I was accepted. It really is a crappy site, though, because you can't respond to anyone unless you pay.

I got a message on there pretty quickly and I deleted my account without even reading it out of anxiety. Damn, I'm weird.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

eHarmony pretty much filters out anyone that profiles as being depressed, not Christian, and not looking for marriage. I guess you can't blame them since their marketing angle is the success they have with getting people hitched.

Given the above, it would be pretty easy to get around what they are filtering out. After all, is in person dating totally honest? Women wear makeup to exaggerate features, like eye size (black eyeliner = bigger looking eyes = younger appearance), hide wrinkles, push-up bras, and hair styles that don't show their ears as they get older (something that continues to grow throughout your life). When looking for a partner you need to put your best foot forward, not just throw yourself out there as-is.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

*Re: re: Has anyone tried Eharmony?*



IcedOver said:


> radfaraf...
> I recall that you said you've had a lot of dates via dating sites. About how long on average do you communicate online before calling or meeting up? What sites have you used?


It varied all the way from one girl who messaged me her number and said lets meet as her first message. To waiting a few months before meeting. I generally try to chat with them online first as my comfort level is higher and then I can get some things that can be used for phone or in face to face conversation. I've been on most of the more popular free sites, never used a pay site.


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## dblejj (Jun 5, 2005)

Over the past seven years I have done various online dating sites, including Yahoo, Match, and Eharmony. I have meet many people from match and a few from yahoo. However, because of my own SA, most of these first dates or meetings were not pleasurable, but felt more like an obligatory chore. Can anyone else related to this? 

Three years ago I did have one quality relationship that resulted from Eharmony. Unlike myself, she was extroverted. And from being with her I gained experience and became more comfortable partaking in social events that I otherwise wouldn’t. Though in the end, I think that it was our difference in personalities that drew us apart from one another. 

These days I see the whole dating thing as more of a chore than anything else. Again, I credit this to SA. While I am stimulated and desire companionship, I truly can’t say that I enjoy the process of meeting new people. 

I think one more challenge with SA is that discussing this isn’t exactly sexy. I know that this message board points to an online personals site for people with SA. I was disappointed when I found out that it wasn’t just for people with SA. Of course, it would likely be challenging to develop a personals site with a decent database of people that were there specifically because of SA. So it’s between a rock and a hard place.

Unfortunately on this personals website you don’t know who else is there because of SA. (Unless they come out and say it of course.) Aside from SA not being sexy to talk about, there is also a degree of anonymity that people with this disorder wish to conceal about ourselves. Well, another catch 21.


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

I have used eharmony and it sucks. It has been just about a year now since I have been a PAYING member, all that money is down the drain now.

eHarmony says it takes about a year to truly find someone. I have not even come close. Sure, I did get to open communication with some girls, but none ever came close to becoming a partner for me.

At this moment, I have revieved 180 matches, 8 of which I got to open communication with. Of those 8, 4 stopped responding, 3 closed me out, and one I closed out because she turned out to be nuts. What about the rest? Well at least HALF never responded to me at all, mostly probably because they were not paying members. eHarmony is expensive so I understand that. 

One thing that bugs me is how some girls on there don't take it as seriously as eharmony is ment to be. eharmony is ment for people who are seriously persuing a life long relationship and marriage. Yet, I have been matched with several girls who say that they are "just checking things out, don't get to wild on me guys!" or "you have to be my friend before you can be my lover!" That sort of goes against the whole thing about how a platonic relationship can't successfully turn into something more. ugh.

Here is what really pisses me off. My membership expires in 3 days from now. Guess what eharmony did about 3 or 4 days ago? They started sending me 6 or 7 matches A DAY. Anyone who has used eharmony knows that is a lot of matches to get. Isn't that rediculous that they wait till my membership is about to expire and THEN start sending me all these matches? How shallow are the people at eharmony? It is clear to me that the people behind eharmony are more into the buisness and money making part of the whole thing rather than helping people, based on their outragous prices and how they send me a bunch of matches at the last minute. 

Oh yeah, if you try to put your email address in your profile, it will magically disappear after a couple hours, no matter how many times you put it back in there.

Bottom line: Stay away from eharmony!

Sigh.. any single girls out there want to talk to me? PM me, I am always looking for friends... or more.


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## joe81 (Dec 16, 2006)

I've seen these eharmony commercials, showing these ugly guys hooked up with good looking women, all thanks to eharmony. Sounds like a normal porn movie to me. Fake. But yeah I tried it a couple years ago, rejected too. I guess porn isn't in my future, oh well


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

I think it was Eharmony I tried a few years ago during some free, short-term promotion. Nothing materialized. I recently came across an atheist and agnostic dating site known as Freethinker's Match Maker. I like the name!  
http://www.freethinkermatch.com/


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