# incest and social anxiety



## medea (May 6, 2006)

My sister and I were both sexually abused as kids and we both have a lot of anxiety now, including social. I was just wondering if anyone else here has incest or sexual abuse in general in their past and if they have associated it with problems they're experiencing now as adults.


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## medea (May 6, 2006)

I understand being ashamed and I don't want to exclude any one but I don't know how to post a poll yet and besides, this is a serious question for me and I don't want just a series of yeses and nos.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

well I can see how it relates, but no I didnt suffer any kind of abuses


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Medea,

I think any kind of abuse would cause trauma in trying to form relationships as adults in one way or another.


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## medea (May 6, 2006)

Yes, I agree but I posted because I was/am interested in finding any other people who have this particular abuse as the root of their problem.


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## getting by (Aug 11, 2005)

Me and my sister have anxiety. I also have another sister that might have a little anxiety, but not that bad. She doesn't take medication, or anything for it. I have mostly social anxiety, and some generalized anxiety. My sister has generalized anxiety. She was sexually abused by a substitute teacher when she was in the first grade. I don't know if this caused her to have anxiety, or not. I myself did some things that I'm not proud of. I had a couple of very good women friends about 4 years ago. I would grab their butts when I was drinking and grabbed one of my woman friends breasts. At the time I thought it was ok since my one friend would flash her butt sometimes, and her breasts once. Her sister also flashed her butt and a breast once. The one sister grabbed my crotch once at their city fun days. Her and her husband, and their friend were over at my apartment once, and I was dared to grab her breasts. I went up to her like I was going to do it, but didn't. Then we were at the bar one night, and was thinking about the time she grabbed my crotch. I went up to her like I was going to grab her breasts, and she acted like she didn't care, so I did. I should've never done that. I should've never even grabbed their butts. It was very wrong. I didn't know it at the time, but I know it now. I would like to apologize to them, but it's been years, and I would be afraid of how they would react if I brought this up to them after not having had talked to them in such a long time.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

Therapists always say the best way to deal with past sexual abuse is to talk about it, and yet, there never seems to be a time or place to do that, as sexual abuse still seems stigmatized and considered shameful. 

I was molested several times. I just wrote a long post about it but am editing the details out.

I never talk about this anymore. It is embarrassing to talk about, even just on the internet. I feel so much shame to this day. I believe it contributed greatly to my SA and depression. I also was diagnosed with PTSD as a teenager. 

1 out of 3 girls are molested; 1 out of 5 boys are molested. parents, watch your kids. If my mom had had the sense to do that, (I was unsupervised every time) I believe that none of it would have happened.


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## medea (May 6, 2006)

Well I never talked about my past abuse, I realized I had a lot of problems but I never actually connected them directly to the abuse. I'm in therapy now but my shrink seems to want to work on my drinking before we get to the incest and it seems to me like if my feelings about the abuse were addressed maybe I wouldn't drink so much. It seems silly to start working on the effect without working on the cause first but then I don't have a PhD. 

There is a lot of shame associated with sexual abuse, esp since your most sensitive areas were being touched which naturally feels good. You start wondering if maybe it was your fault or if your wanted it since it felt good in some ways. I have huge problems trusting people, like this overwhelming fear of any kind of intimacy. Other people causally talk about themselves and their problems but I never trust people enough to be that open. 

I use to have social anxiety really bad, I couldn't meet eyes with anyone, if I talked in public my words came out too fast and no one could understand me, I would never go into places like bars etc but now things have improved for me. I've been working on my self confidence. I just tell myself I am as good as anyone else and that other people are rarely 100% confident about themselves and if I say something dumb it's not the end of the world.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

getting by said:


> Me and my sister have anxiety. I also have another sister that might have a little anxiety, but not that bad. She doesn't take medication, or anything for it. I have mostly social anxiety, and some generalized anxiety. My sister has generalized anxiety. She was sexually abused by a substitute teacher when she was in the first grade. I don't know if this caused her to have anxiety, or not. I myself did some things that I'm not proud of. I had a couple of very good women friends about 4 years ago. I would grab their butts when I was drinking and grabbed one of my woman friends breasts. At the time I thought it was ok since my one friend would flash her butt sometimes, and her breasts once. Her sister also flashed her butt and a breast once. The one sister grabbed my crotch once at their city fun days. Her and her husband, and their friend were over at my apartment once, and I was dared to grab her breasts. I went up to her like I was going to do it, but didn't. Then we were at the bar one night, and was thinking about the time she grabbed my crotch. I went up to her like I was going to grab her breasts, and she acted like she didn't care, so I did. I should've never done that. I should've never even grabbed their butts. It was very wrong. I didn't know it at the time, but I know it now. I would like to apologize to them, but it's been years, and I would be afraid of how they would react if I brought this up to them after not having had talked to them in such a long time.


It doesn't sound like your friends are very sensitive people (more like they are exhibitionists) so i don't think they cared at all. Especially not if you were drunk


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

I was sexually abused when I was 6 by an older (14) cousin. It was violent and traumatized me severely....then when I was 14, my BF of the time beat me, raped me, and stapped me 12 times with a broken letter opener. I had nightmares and anxiety about anything sexual, and i lost all trust in anyone with a dick. I have generalized anxiety now and panic attacks, with occasional severe shyness. 

It took a very very long time and alot of help but I dealt with what happened to me, and I no longer feel the anxiety over sexual situations. But i could never have a one night stand or sleep with a man I didn't trust with my life, and love. Even now there are certain sexual situation that will trigger a fight or flight response.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

...


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## medea (May 6, 2006)

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) 
http://www.rainn.org/
1.800.656.HOPE •

This is a free, confidential, 24/7 hotline you can call if you decide you want to talk to someone. It is NOT just for rape. It is sometimes a lot easier to be honest about your abuse when you're speaking on the phone to someone you don't know. When I call the number they transfer me to the local rape crisis hotline and the people are very helpful and supportive.  They don't treat you like or freak or try to convince you that you should be over the abuse by now, the people I've talked to have been great listeners.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Here are the results from a poll I did here on SAS for a research paper on social anxiety. As you can see sexual abuse was not all that common among the people who took this poll. Past emotional abuse was much more prevalent. There were 36 respondents to the poll done last December. 

At home abuse................physical........6 yes(17%), 30 no(83%)
.......................................emotional......16 yes(44%), 20 no(56%)
.......................................sexual...........2 yes(6%), 34 no(94%)

Outside home abuse........physical.........8 yes(22%), 28 no(78%)
........................................emotional.......22 yes(61%), 14 no(39%)
........................................sexual............4 yes(11%), 32 no (89%)


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## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

Nice job Free thinker!! Great stats.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Thanks, SupportiveGF.


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## rusalka (Jan 12, 2004)

Yes and yes to both questions.


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