# Finally went on a date!



## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

I finally went on a date!

I'm a guy with a severe speech impediment (stuttering) and social anxiety, so I'm not good at conversing with people IRL and socializing. 

I met this girl on an online dating site, chatted with her for over a month and we finally fixed a date. I told her about my stutter, and she said she didn't care about it  

I met her for coffee, and we talked for about 2 hours. I stuttered a lot, but I still managed to keep the conversation going. There were some odd moments where some other people nearby looked at me while I stuttered, and that made me self conscious. But it was ok. 

On the downside though, there were lots of times where we struggled to find new topics to talk about to keep the conversation flowing. We have a few things in common, but we kept hitting blocks. I don't know how important that is in a relationship. 

The date went better than expected from my perspective. I was expecting it to be a disaster. But it didn't feel like there was any spark.

I don't know how she felt at the end of it. I don't know if I should say anything. 

I feel a little lonely now


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

DukeDuck said:


> I finally went on a date!
> 
> I'm a guy with a severe speech impediment (stuttering) and social anxiety, so I'm not good at conversing with people IRL and socializing.
> 
> ...


First off lemme just say








Not easy for us SA folks, so I applaud you on that. You did something I've been wishing to do; anyway don't beat yourself up about it, that's what dating is supposed to be like sometimes. It's either a hit or a miss.. so you two may click & you may not, it gives you a chance, especially after talking to someone online to see them in the flesh & to get a better feel of them :yes but yeah, the finding topics to talk about part is what kills me in general with people.. yeah I can see how this may complicate things in the long run, I'm still trying to figure out how to better myself in that area & another thing you guy's could've done, was do a date that involved an activity:smile2: if you guy's are just sitting around at a table or on a bench, it might not be as good .. better off doing a date that get's you both engaged in something, like strategy or a game.. but yeah I see what your saying, you did a good thing :yes many folks aren't so lucky, so good job dude.


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

SmartCar said:


> First off lemme just say
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks! :smile2:

Yeah I prefer events which involve activities, rather than just sitting and talking. I'm terrible at that even with other guys.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

congrats. it does suck when you go through with the whole ordeal and then it falls flat. maybe try again and give her another shot. going from messaging to in person can be jarring.


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## mgra (Jul 5, 2018)

Congrats!!  If you two had a great time messaging, then I would definitely say try again. I imagine it can definitely be intimidating meeting someone for the first time after talking to them online, so obviously it would be very awkward at first and you both would be very nervous. When you try again and again maybe all those nerves and first-time-meeting-each-other awkwardness will subside?


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

andy1984 said:


> congrats. it does suck when you go through with the whole ordeal and then it falls flat. maybe try again and give her another shot. going from messaging to in person can be jarring.


Isn't the first date the one that decides whether its going to work or not though?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

DukeDuck said:


> Isn't the first date the one that decides whether its going to work or not though?


not necessarily


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

mgra said:


> Congrats!!  If you two had a great time messaging, then I would definitely say try again. I imagine it can definitely be intimidating meeting someone for the first time after talking to them online, so obviously it would be very awkward at first and you both would be very nervous. When you try again and again maybe all those nerves and first-time-meeting-each-other awkwardness will subside?


I actually went through the same problem during messaging  (searching for new topics to keep the conversation going). I can't tell if it was because of her, or because I'm bad at conversations.

She didn't seem really nervous during the date. I was nervous, but she was really smooth.

The problem is I can't really tell if she wants to meet again, and I don't even know how to bring it up :/


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## mgra (Jul 5, 2018)

DukeDuck said:


> I actually went through the same problem during messaging  (searching for new topics to keep the conversation going). I can't tell if it was because of her, or because I'm bad at conversations.
> 
> She didn't seem really nervous during the date. I was nervous, but she was really smooth.
> 
> The problem is I can't really tell if she wants to meet again, and I don't even know how to bring it up :/


Do you want to meet up with her again?
If so, I think the best thing/the only thing you can do at this point is to just message her and ask her directly if she wants to meet up again. If she doesn't want to or didn't feel like you two had any connection at all then she'll probably just politely say no, then you'll know I guess haha! But then again, my advice may be no good since I have no experience with this stuff. :lol


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

DukeDuck said:


> I actually went through the same problem during messaging  (searching for new topics to keep the conversation going). I can't tell if it was because of her, or because I'm bad at conversations.
> 
> She didn't seem really nervous during the date. I was nervous, but she was really smooth.
> 
> The problem is I can't really tell if she wants to meet again, and I don't even know how to bring it up :/


I always message after a date. just say you enjoyed meeting her and would like to see her again.


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

andy1984 said:


> I always message after a date. just say you enjoyed meeting her and would like to see her again.


I did message her after the date and asked her if she got home safe. I didn't say anything about making another date because I didn't know if I should so soon.

She then asked me if I got home safe, and I cracked a joke about how I ran into some gangsters and barely made it home safe.


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

mgra said:


> Do you want to meet up with her again?
> If so, I think the best thing/the only thing you can do at this point is to just message her and ask her directly if she wants to meet up again. If she doesn't want to or didn't feel like you two had any connection at all then she'll probably just politely say no, then you'll know I guess haha! But then again, my advice may be no good since I have no experience with this stuff. :lol


Yeah I do. I'm actually clueless myself XD

Even if we don't really click as romantic partners, I'd still like to stay friends with her. I just don't know how to send that message across.


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## mgra (Jul 5, 2018)

DukeDuck said:


> Yeah I do. I'm actually clueless myself XD
> 
> Even if we don't really click as romantic partners, I'd still like to stay friends with her. I just don't know how to send that message across.


In that case I really think the best/only way is to just let her know you enjoy spending time with her, talking to her and that you'd like to meet again. :stu
I know exactly how you feel though. I did like this one guy and wanted to continue a friendship with him, even if we couldn't have a relationship but I just didn't know at all how to let him know that. 
Just tell her that you'd like to hang out again


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

mgra said:


> In that case I really think the best/only way is to just let her know you enjoy spending time with her, talking to her and that you'd like to meet again. :stu
> I know exactly how you feel though. I did like this one guy and wanted to continue a friendship with him, even if we couldn't have a relationship but I just didn't know at all how to let him know that.
> Just tell her that you'd like to hang out again


Yeah its tricky. If you talk about friendship, the other person might think you're not interested in them and get the wrong idea.

I guess I can just keep things casual and not take it too seriously.

Thanks for your advice :smile2:


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