# Your rejections



## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Guys, girls, men, ladies and everyone else,

Post your rejections here. I'll start: Asked a girl out, she said no in a odd way. Asked another one's number, she stood me up.

I only have ever rejected a girl once in my life, and that was indirect.

Your turn!^^

Let's cheer each other up by letting each other know we're not alone.


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## pinkballoon (Jan 20, 2012)

Well I've never asked a guy out before because i'm kinda shy :/ but last night I stood a guy up because sometimes I just want to sit at home instead of going out. Idk if its considered "stood up" I just lied and said I was sick. I find myself doing this a lot :/


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## NVU (Jul 1, 2010)

I have a cousin I go out on the town with every so often, he pressures me into talking to girls. I've been rejected and mocked for it many of times. I am no good at talking to ladies in bars lol, doesn't bother me all that much anymore, sort of get used to it.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I've rejected pretty much every guy that's ever asked me out...but I never tell them I'm not interested...it goes something like this: they text me, I ignore it. They call me, I ignore it. They email me, I ignore it. They see me, I try to avoid them.

I've only been rejected once when I was younger. It was my first ever date and I was going through a rough phase back then. It was with an older guy. But 3 months later, I went through kind of a transformation, and we happened to run into eachother, in which I was the one who ultimately rejected him..revenge is sweet..lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

So many I lost count.


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## Dear turtle (Sep 7, 2011)

I've never been rejected in my life, I have never been bold enough to ask someone out nor have I been in a position to initiate something like that. I wish I did instead of being a wuss all the time 

I have done the rejecting, My rejections are usually through ignoring and avoiding said person. I'll rather they get the hint through my avoidance than by me having to outright say it which is awkward for both parties.

There have been instances where I have had to say it outright (through text of course lol) and the worse it when they thought you liked them. Honestly from knowing me, you should know that my awkwardness (avoiding eye contact, stuttering) is not me liking you it just the way I generally act around people.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

For the girls: why do you mainly reject men? Looks?


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

I'd hazard a guess that 30% of girls I've wanted have turned me down. That's a decent rate right, so why do I fear rejection so much?


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> I've rejected pretty much every guy that's ever asked me out...but I never tell them I'm not interested...it goes something like this: they text me, I ignore it. They call me, I ignore it. They email me, I ignore it. They see me, I try to avoid them.


Why do girls do this? I hate being rejected this way because it hurts the most. And I'm not even a douchebag or a sleezy guy looking for a lay or anything like that. It just comes off as heartless and it's really embarrassing for me also. It makes me feel like I'm not even worth a proper rejection, like she's thinking: "crap, it's that weird kid that likes me" or "He likes me? ewwww" or something like that. Like I asked you out respectfully, you can't even give me the time of day and at least respectfully reject me? What's up with that?

I told a friend of mine when this happened to me last semester and she said she would've done the same thing. Rejecting someone by ignoring them is just disrespectful in my opinion. If a girl admitted she liked me I wouldn't ignore them, that's messed up.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> Why do girls do this? I hate being rejected this way because it hurts the most. And I'm not even a douchebag or a sleezy guy looking for a lay or anything like that. It just comes off as heartless and it's really embarrassing for me also. It makes me feel like I'm not even worth a proper rejection, like she's thinking: "crap, it's that weird kid that likes me" or "He likes me? ewwww" or something like that. Like I asked you out respectfully, you can't even give me the time of day and at least respectfully reject me? What's up with that?
> 
> I told a friend of mine when this happened to me last semester and she said she would've done the same thing. Rejecting someone by ignoring them is just disrespectful in my opinion. If a girl admitted she liked me I wouldn't ignore them, that's messed up.


I agree, getting rejected by being flat out ignored actually hurts a lot more than a girl just politely, but clearly telling you shes not interested.


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## Insane1 (Jul 25, 2011)

Rejections:0 
Dates:0
Cellphone numbers:0
Attempts to get a date/phone number:0


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

calichick said:


> I've only been rejected once when I was younger. It was my first ever date and I was going through a rough phase back then. It was with an older guy. *But 3 months later, I went through kind of a transformation, and we happened to run into eachother, in which I was the one who ultimately rejected him..revenge is sweet..lo*l


I can't wait for this moment to happen to me. I'm working on a six pack and a sexy lean look. I plan on walking shirtless in the summer, and if I ever meet the girls who rejected me, damn am I going to show off and totally ignore them while they look on my chiseled abs, muhahaha!


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## lightsout (Jan 8, 2012)

The Silent 1 said:


> I agree, getting rejected by being flat out ignored actually hurts a lot more than a girl just politely, but clearly telling you shes not interested.


+1

Or of they pull the "have someone else tell you" . Then it feels like it's harder to get over them b/c they didn't say it to your face (ie: less real).


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Define Me said:


> I can't wait for this moment to happen to me. I'm working on a six pack and a sexy lean look. I plan on walking shirtless in the summer, and if I ever meet the girls who rejected me, damn am I going to show off and totally ignore them while they look on my chiseled abs, muhahaha!


Lol that's the spirit


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> Why do girls do this?


Because we can.

You can't possibly tell me you would prefer this:

"I'm sorry, I'm not interested in you. Why? Because I'm not attracted to you"

From someone you really liked over them just ignoring you or saying they're too busy at the moment....if it was the other way around, the left in space part might leave me wondering but it would NOT affect my self esteem.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> Because we can.
> 
> You can't possibly tell me you would prefer this:
> 
> ...


I actually would prefer that. You could just say I'm not interested in you, I wouldn't ask why because it would be clear you're not attracted to me.

From someone I really liked, yeah I would much rather hear that lol. I don't know why some girls assume this is the better option. I want some sort of face-to-face explanation. Not in the rude way you put it, but just a "sorry, I'm just not into you that way" would be nice, yeah.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> I actually would prefer that. You could just say I'm not interested in you, I wouldn't ask why because it would be clear you're not attracted to me.
> 
> From someone I really liked, yeah I would much rather hear that lol. I don't know why some girls assume this is the better option. I want some sort of face-to-face explanation. Not in the rude way you put it, but just a "sorry, I'm just not into you that way" would be nice, yeah.


Not only that, but ignoring someone also gives you that awkward period we're you are unsure of how they feel. She gave me her number, but she didn't respond to my text. Did she not get it? Is she busy? Should I text again? Is she toying with me? Did I do something wrong? Eventually, the point is going to be made that the girl doesn't want you, so dragging this point out doesn't make it any better. Ignoring someone also gives off the impression that your not worth even responding to.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> I actually would prefer that. You could just say I'm not interested in you, I wouldn't ask why because it would be clear you're not attracted to me.
> 
> From someone I really liked, yeah I would much rather hear that lol. I don't know why some girls assume this is the better option. I want some sort of face-to-face explanation. Not in the rude way you put it, but just a "sorry, I'm just not into you that way" would be nice, yeah.


I'm honestly trying to imagine myself saying "I'm not interested in you" to a real guy and it's not working lol...I have issues even talking with the opposite sex or even *looking* at them... I would never want to seem like I'm better than anyone.

This is coming from a girl who has changed her phone number just to avoid guys in the past LOL



The Silent 1 said:


> Not only that, but ignoring someone also gives you that awkward period we're you are unsure of how they feel. She gave me her number, but she didn't respond to my text. Did she not get it? Is she busy? Should I text again? Is she toying with me? Did I do something wrong? Eventually, the point is going to be made that the girl doesn't want you, so dragging this point out doesn't make it any better. Ignoring someone also gives off the impression that your not worth even responding to.


So let me ask you this The Silent & Hopeful25, how many girls have you rejected in a straight forward method?

It's WAY easier said than done. You don't know that moment, you're feeling all these rush of emotions, flattery, but at the same time awkwardness and pity and happiness etc


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

calichick said:


> So let me ask you this The Silent & Hopeful25, how many girls have you rejected in a straight forward method?
> 
> It's WAY easier said than done. You don't know that moment, you're feeling all these rush of emotions, flattery, but at the same time awkwardness and pity and happiness etc


Three. One, I asked for her number at a social event where we talked for a while and seemed to enjoy each others company. She told me she was flattered, but had a boyfriend, which I later confirmed to be true, so I wasn't bothered by it and was just happy that I did well talking to her.

The second was a casual friend who I expressed interest towards, but who didn't feel the same way. It was a bit awkward, but we remained friends and I didn't directly ask her out, so much as I danced around the idea to which she got the message and said she just wanted me as a friend.

The other was a girl in my class who I talked too often and who my friends finally encouraged me to finally ask out. She said no, and I was definitely disappointed, but it didn't hurt as much as I thought and I was somewhat happy that I made the effort. Until of course the next day, when I walked by her and her friends and I saw her point towards me and then whisper something to her friends who burst into laughter.

I've also had girls do the "ignore" thing, and I can tell you it hurt the most, unless you count in the laughter thing.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> I'm honestly trying to imagine myself saying "I'm not interested in you" to a real guy and it's not working lol...I have issues even talking with the opposite sex or even *looking* at them... I would never want to seem like I'm better than anyone.
> 
> This is coming from a girl who has changed her phone number just to avoid guys in the past LOL
> 
> ...


Well if it's because you're shy I guess that's more understandable, that doesn't make it ok but it's at least understandable lol.

But yeah I know it's not easy, but it's the respectful thing to do if you think about it. I've never had to do that but if I did have to do it I would do it to their face because I know how it feels to be ignored :no.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

The Silent 1 said:


> Three. One, I asked for her number at a social event where we talked for a while and seemed to enjoy each others company. She told me she was flattered, but had a boyfriend, which I later confirmed to be true, so I wasn't bothered by it and was just happy that I did well talking to her.
> 
> The second was a casual friend who I expressed interest towards, but who didn't feel the same way. It was a bit awkward, but we remained friends and I didn't directly ask her out, so much as I danced around the idea to which she got the message and said she just wanted me as a friend.
> 
> ...


Same here, being told that someone isn't interested in me definitely feels better than being ignored. By far, it's not even close. It doesn't feel good either way, but being ignored by someone you have feelings for makes me feel worthless. I bounce back eventually, but I would defenitely prefer just being let down easy.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

The Silent 1 said:


> Three.


Nooo....I asked how many have YOU rejected in a straight forward method?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> Well if it's because you're shy I guess that's more understandable, that doesn't make it ok but it's at least understandable lol.
> 
> But yeah I know it's not easy, but it's the respectful thing to do if you think about it.* I've never had to do that but if I did have to do it I would do it to their face* because I know how it feels to be ignored :no.


"Because I'm shy" I'm not shy Hopeful, I have social anxiety, I'm an awkward MESS when it comes to dealing with guys, I'm assuming you have the same thing since we are on a "SAS" site..

You let me know how that rejection turns out when the time comes for you haha


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It's not just women, most of the guys that rejected me just ignored my calls and text messages. No one ever gave me a reason as to why they weren't interested. To tell you the truth, I don't really want to know. Hearing the real reason will only shatter what little self-confidence I have.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

calichick said:


> Nooo....I asked how many have YOU rejected in a straight forward method?


Oh, sorry I misread your question. Only one, it was a girl I used to work with. She was the only girl who ever asked me out. It was really awkward because she is a really nice person, but I just wasn't attracted to her at all and she wasn't really someone I enjoyed having a conversation with. Even more awkward was the fact that she told me how she felt over the phone, so I had to reject her over the phone when I would have preferred to do it in person.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

The only one I would consider a rejection would be when I was in middle school. I liked a girl that was in my technology class(we sat across from eachother), so one day we were talking while walking to the bus. Right before she was about to get on her bus, I came right out and asked her if she would go out with me. I had NO idea what I was going to do after that, because I wasnt very serious to start with. I just wanted to see what she thought of me. Anyway, she said "I'll think about it", smiled and got on the bus. I walked to mine just thinking how surprised I was at myself for asking her. Guess I didn't think I'd have the nerve. Funny thing is, we never spoke a word to eachother about it again...just went on like nothing happened.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

komorikun said:


> It's not just women, most of the guys that rejected me just ignored my calls and text messages. No one ever gave me a reason as to why they weren't interested. *To tell you the truth, I don't really want to know. Hearing the real reason will only shatter what little self-confidence I have.*


This, I want women to clearly tell me they aren't interested, but I certainly don't need to know why. Not only would it shatter my confidence completely, but I would become self conscious about whatever reason they gave.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> "Because I'm shy" I'm not shy Hopeful, I have social anxiety, I'm an awkward MESS when it comes to dealing with guys, I'm assuming you have the same thing since we are on a "SAS" site..
> 
> You let me know how that rejection turns out when the time comes for you haha


Sorry about that, I get the 2 mixed up sometimes, my bad :|

.... ok :stu, no hard feelings?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

komorikun said:


> It's not just women, most of the guys that rejected me just ignored my calls and text messages. No one ever gave me a reason as to why they weren't interested. To tell you the truth, I don't really want to know. Hearing the real reason will only shatter what little self-confidence I have.


So you prefer the ignoring vs. the confronting correct?


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I've been rejected numerous times by guys I slept with. Intellectually I know you shouldn't bang guys that you have just met, but my horniness gets the best of me sometimes.


If I was rejected in that same way (by girls), I wouldn't fear rejection anymore...But you didn't intend for that to happen, though.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

calichick said:


> So you prefer the ignoring vs. the confronting correct?


Probably the best way to do it is a short text message, saying, "sorry, I'm not interested." Face to face or over the phone is not necessary unless it was an actual relationship. The only problem with that is some guys will pester you afterwards. On dating sites there is no need to respond.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

The Silent 1 said:


> Oh, sorry I misread your question. Only one, it was a girl I used to work with. She was the only girl who ever asked me out. It was really awkward because she is a really nice person, but I just wasn't attracted to her at all and she wasn't really someone I enjoyed having a conversation with. Even more awkward was the fact that she told me how she felt over the phone, so I had to reject her over the phone when I would have preferred to do it in person.


Then, with all this said, you've asked out girls before, you've rejected girls before, do you have any anxiety when it comes to the opposite sex? Not the typical anxiety, I'm asking out a girl butterflies in my stomach, I'm rejecting a girl weird moment kind of anxiety, the unnatural amount of anxiety when it comes to dealing with women?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Probably the best way to do it is a short text message, saying, "sorry, I'm not interested." Face to face or over the phone is not necessary unless it was an actual relationship. The only problem with that is some guys will pester you afterwards. On dating sites there is no need to respond.


I'm going to say it's different when there's a guy who you have already made acquaintance with, have talked to before, versus a complete stranger. It's fine telling a complete stranger "no" but a guy who you have some things invested with is a bit trickier.

It's not just "No I'm not interested" via text message, it's seeing them the next day and all that, it doesn't end at the text message. Well at least not for me in the past..


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

calichick said:


> Then, with all this said, you've asked out girls before, you've rejected girls before, do you have any anxiety when it comes to the opposite sex? Not the typical anxiety, I'm asking out a girl butterflies in my stomach, I'm rejecting a girl weird moment kind of anxiety, the unnatural amount of anxiety when it comes to dealing with women?


I think I'm slowly getting better, but there was a time when it was really bad. If I was hanging out with a group of guys, after a while I would get more comfortable around them and would talk more, but if even one girl was there it would change every thing. I was anxious around them and was very self conscious around them to the point where I was nervous about doing anything around them. Most girls would pick up on my discomfort and were put off by it and my quietness, which only added to the problem.

I can understand how someone with SA would find it hard to put someone down, but I think the fact that I've been on the other end of being ignored helps give me perspective and is the reason I wouldn't do it to anyone else.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

The Silent 1 said:


> I think I'm slowly getting better, but there was a time when it was really bad. If I was hanging out with a group of guys, after a while I would get more comfortable around them and would talk more, but if even one girl was there it would change every thing. I was anxious around them and was very self conscious around them to the point where I was nervous about doing anything around them. Most girls would pick up on my discomfort and were put off by it and my quietness, which only added to the problem.
> 
> *I can understand how someone with SA would find it hard to put someone down, but I think the fact that I've been on the other end of being ignored helps give me perspective and is the reason I wouldn't do it to anyone else.*


Exactly :yes. I don't think "because it's hard" is a sufficient reason for hurting someone the way I was hurt by being ignored. I'd bite the awkward bullet and tell them.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Either way they will get the hint. *If someone does not respond to your text messages within a few days, you know they aren't interested.*I almost always date complete strangers (bars or internet dating sites), so there is almost no risk of running into them again. It's trickier if it's a co-worker, classmate, or a friend of a friend. I really wouldn't know how to deal with that.
> 
> So what do these guys do when you bump into them (after you ignored them)?


Exactly Komorikun, and that's what I've usually done in the past. Of course there's the occasional looney tune who doesn't get the hint. Which has really...really...made me wonder how it's possible..

When I've bumped into them (well actually most of them have been in my classes), it usually goes 1) They act like nothing ever happened, that they never asked me out and we are cordial to each other. 2) they ignore me completely. It definitely would not be as awkward as me saying 'No I'm not interested in you' straight up and having to see them in the future.

BTW, also to bring up something else, some guys can go the opposite direction if you reject them. They can get ANGRY with you and bad mouth you and start trying to salvage their DIGNITY by making you seem less of a catch. Rejection hurts. Some men do not handle it well. I've indirectly experienced it and it's definitely the most unpleasant feeling.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> Exactly Komorikun, and that's what I've usually done in the past. Of course there's the occasional looney tune who doesn't get the hint. Which has really...really...made me wonder how it's possible..
> 
> When I've bumped into them (well actually most of them have been in my classes), it usually goes 1) They act like nothing ever happened, that they never asked me out and we are cordial to each other. 2) they ignore me completely. It definitely would not be as awkward as me saying 'No I'm not interested in you' straight up and having to see them in the future.
> 
> BTW, also to bring up something else, some guys can go the opposite direction if you reject them. They can get ANGRY with you and bad mouth you and start trying to salvage their DIGNITY by making you seem less of a catch. Rejection hurts. Some men do not handle it well. I've indirectly experienced it and it's definitely the most unpleasant feeling.


Well yeah it's not like they don't get the message, or they still hit on you, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less for them. I've tried "acting like it didn't happen" and it still hurts. It may be easier for the girl, but it stings like hell for me. Again, like The Silent 1 mentioned, it makes me feel like I'm not even worth a proper, respectful rejection. And it's not like girls aren't capable of this, I've been rejected face-to-face by girls before and it's awkward, and disappointing of course, but it feels better to know that they at least respect me enough to tell me to my face that they're not interested.

If I barely know you, or I'm some sleazy douchebag looking to get laid, that's a different story. But no, I'm not like that, I'm a respectful guy who gets to know a girl then asks her out, I don't think I did anything to warrant being completely ignored.

And yeah some guys are jerks, if that's the case then they'd probably badmouth you regardless of whether you told them to their face or not because they're jerks. But what about the guy that aren't jerks like me and The Silent 1?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> Well yeah it's not like they don't get the message, or they still hit on you, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less for them. I've tried "acting like it didn't happen" and it still hurts. It may be easier for the girl, but it stings like hell for me. Again, like The Silent 1 mentioned, it makes me feel like I'm not even worth a proper, respectful rejection. And it's not like girls aren't capable of this,* I've been rejected face-to-face by girls before and it's awkward, and disappointing of course, but it feels better to know that they at least respect me enough to tell me to my face that they're not interested. *
> 
> If I barely know you, or I'm some sleazy douchebag looking to get laid, that's a different story. But no, I'm not like that, I'm a respectful guy who gets to know a girl then asks her out, I don't think I did anything to warrant being completely ignored.
> 
> And yeah some guys are jerks, if that's the case then they'd probably badmouth you regardless of whether you told them to their face or not because they're jerks. But what about the guy that aren't jerks like me and The Silent 1?


If they're not jerks, all the more reason to AVOID telling them anything. I've met some sweethearts, you don't want to do anything in that situation.

By the way, not all guys will agree with you on this "respect me enough to let me down straight" idea...

This rejection is the reason why most guys on here will not ask out females in the first place. Humiliation, blows to self esteem..


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> If they're not jerks, all the more reason to AVOID telling them anything. I've met some sweethearts, you don't want to do anything in that situation.
> 
> By the way, not all guys will agree with you on this "respect me enough to let me down straight" idea...
> 
> This rejection is the type of rejection why most guys on here will not ask out females in the first place. Humiliation, blows to self esteem..


Again, you don't have to explain exactly why you're not interested in me. I don't think guys would ask you "why not?" if you just said "I'm not interested in you like that".

I'm sure not all guys would prefer this, maybe some would rather be ignored, but I still think telling them is the more respectful option. It's being more considerate of their emotions. Some guys may not want the "respectful" rejection, but I prefer it because I appreciate recieving people's respect, especially from a girl I built up the courage to ask out.

It's the opposite for me, being _ignored_ is "humiliating" and "bad for my self esteem". And how do you know why most guys on here won't ask females out? You're not even a guy (not to sound mean or confrontational though ). From what I read it's "I'm afraid of being rejected", being ignored is a type of rejection (and the colder, less sympathetic type too).


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

> From what I read it's "I'm afraid of being rejected", being ignored is a type of rejection (and the colder, less sympathetic type too).


Poll time LOL. Rejection is when you are rejected. When the answer is no to a date, to an outing, to being someone's bf/gf. There is no such thing as "colder, less sympathetic" way of rejection, it's all subjective to the guy at hand.



Hopeful25 said:


> *And how do you know why most guys on here won't ask females out?* You're not even a guy (not to sound mean or confrontational though ).


I know because I've been a member here since 2010 and I've read numerous posts by guys with social anxiety who will not ask females out due to the possibility of rejection. (This is obvious and I'm glad I'm not a male for this reason)

Also Hopeful25, you do know that a lot of people on this site have never been on a date before right?

Maybe you don't grasp how severe SA can get ?


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> Poll time LOL. Rejection is when you are rejected. When the answer is no to a date, to an outing, to being someone's bf/gf. There is no such thing as "colder, less sympathetic" way of rejection, it's all subjective to the guy at hand.
> 
> I know because I've been a member here since 2010 and I've read numerous posts by guys with social anxiety who will not ask females out due to the possibility of rejection. (This is obvious and I'm glad I'm not a male for this reason)


I was thinking the same thing about the poll. A poll would settle this, let the people decide lol

I agree that it sucks either way, but I think there is such a thing as "colder, less sympathetic". There's a difference between someone going "I'm sorry, I just don't like you like that..." and someone going "Ewww, no way in hell am I going out with you!". I actually think there's a very large gap when it comes to how someone can be let down or rejected, and I think the nicer you are about it the better the guy/girl will take it (generally speaking, I know not all cases are the same but kindness is usually recieved better than being ignored).

Yeah, rejection, being ignored is a type of rejection, and like I just explained it isn't the most respectful kind either.



> Also Hopeful25, you do know that a lot of people on this site have never been on a date before right?
> 
> Maybe you don't grasp how severe SA can get?


Of course, what does that have to do with anything?

If your SA is what's preventing you from telling guys face to face then that's fine and we're arguing for no reason. That's completely understandable. I'm saying all this because other girls (girls without Social Anxiety Disorder) choose to do this also and I'm wondering why they think this is better. Is it simply because it's easier for them and they're not considering the other person's feelings?


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

Define Me said:


> Guys, girls, men, ladies and everyone else,
> 
> Post your rejections here. I'll start: Asked a girl out, she said no in a odd way. Asked another one's number, she stood me up.
> 
> ...


When I'm walking on the street and I see a random girl or woman looking at me, I usually spit in disgust on a sidewalk... does that count ?

Why I do it you might ask... it's because I am convinced that every time they look at me... they do it, because they either hate me or think I'm a total loser or insane bum...

and I always hated people who hated me for no reason


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## Catnap (Dec 5, 2011)

I've only been directly rejected once and that was when this guy who I went out with for a little while finally sat me down and told me he didn't really want to be my bf because he wasn't attracted to me (and made a motion with his arms indicating that I had a big and wide body shape), but led me on because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I cried my eyes out nearly jumped off a balcony because of how stupid and repulsive I felt. This was a little over five years ago. The crazy thing is that years later, he emailed me and asked me for another chance and I responded with a big, resounding NO.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> Of course, what does that have to do with anything?
> 
> If your SA is what's preventing you from telling guys face to face then that's fine and we're arguing for no reason. That's completely understandable. I'm saying all this because other girls (girls without Social Anxiety Disorder) choose to do this also and I'm wondering why they think this is better. Is it simply because it's easier for them and they're not considering the other person's feelings?


Because you seemed surprised that guys would avoid asking girls out in the first place to avoid getting rejected, and if you've read over these boards for even a month it becomes pretty clear.

I don't know why other girls do it, I'm assuming they don't want to deal with it or simply because they couldn't care less about the guy that's asking them out. Girls can carry b*tchy attitudes with them, just read over that thread "why do females dislike me," the one poster was describing a look of disgust on a girl's face when he asked her out. If a girl feels that she is better than you (which girls do feel, it's called the Princess Syndrome affecting a great majority of America today haha), she won't have a reason to let you down "respectfully." My attitude is more avoidant.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Catnap said:


> I've only been directly rejected once and that was when this guy who I went out with for a little while finally sat me down and told me he didn't really want to be my bf because he wasn't attracted to me (and made a motion with his arms indicating that I had a big and wide body shape), but led me on because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I cried my eyes out nearly jumped off a balcony because of how stupid and repulsive I felt. This was a little over five years ago. The crazy thing is that years later, he emailed me and asked me for another chance and I responded with a big, resounding NO.


I hate those people so so much.

I'm somehow fit and I am superficial about health and all, but I would never reject any female like that! Disgusting. And then trying to get a date afterwards, hell no! That guy has no pride at all.

I just had this imagination, I know it sounds super crazy but:

Me, chiseled abs, killer obliques, V shape, shirtless walking on a sunny day towards fitness. Suddenly random hot chick approaches me and smiles, I push her gently to a wall and put my hand next to her head on the wall and smile back at her, then start to kiss her for 10 seconds before letting go and walking away to the gym while she looks at my back awed.

Dreams^^.

On a real side note, I'm glad you're all sharing; acceptance is the first step towards healing.


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

I've never been rejected, - not because I'm that good, but because I never had an occasion/confidence to ask someone, lol. 

As about another side, yes, I've rejected girls. 

Last time that was a girl from my university, from the same year as me. She was shy, cute looking (not super hot, but it doesn't really matter). We're friends, I've been at her place several times to help her with PC, studies, etc; I regularly met her mother (by the way, she's nice and we communicate just great), - well, you get the idea of our relationship. It's good.

One day when were walking in a park near her place, she (a bit awkwardly) confessed that she likes me more than a friend. Being very polite (and feeling guilty for letting her down), I've rejected her. 

At the moment I've had a crush at another girl from my university and I've thought it would be improper to try a new relationship with someone else. I don't want to use someone to compensate for unrequited love, it's, I don't know, seems like a dick move. Especially as I liked that girl only as a friend, thus not having equal feeling of love to offer her.

She understood and seemed fine with that answer. Friendship stood unchanged, we continued to communicate like we used to, without a problem.

Now that I think of it, I've probably rejected her not because I was so certain about loving another girl, but because of her character. She is very shy, and at the same time incredibly diligent in work: very talented in fine art, interested in Japanese culture (mastered the Japanese language to the level of even getting an official certificate), plays guitar very well (by the way, she even sings great). But only in such a description this sounds like a dream girl - honestly, she had so many complexes, beliefs and problems that I was intimidated about being too close to her, not to mention that I'm no match to her talents and hard-working abilities.

If looking at it in a simple way, I've just wanted a relationship with someone I can actually help, someone I can and would feel the need to protect. I guess it's pretty common for guys to feel. And as I'm quite weak person myself, I guess that girl was too strong for me: I just felt I have nothing to offer, nor I had a subconscious attraction. That's it, probably.

Previous rejection, if I remember correctly, wasn't that complicated - a girl kinda liked me, but she was very outgoing, a bit cynical, and so on, so I thought it won't work with her. Cynicism is a huge turn off. ) I've just gradually reduced my communication with her, and she eventually disappeared. Well, she never seemed to care much, so at least I'm not feeling guilty about that one.

P.S.: As about that crush mentioned earlier, no, I never confessed.  I'm quite sure she never looked at me that way.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> Because you seemed surprised that guys would avoid asking girls out in the first place to avoid getting rejected, and if you've read over these boards for even a month it becomes pretty clear.
> 
> I don't know why other girls do it, I'm assuming they don't want to deal with it or simply because they couldn't care less about the guy that's asking them out. Girls can carry b*tchy attitudes with them, just read over that thread "why do females dislike me," the one poster was describing a look of disgust on a girl's face when he asked her out. If a girl feels that she is better than you (which girls do feel, it's called the Princess Syndrome affecting a great majority of America today haha), she won't have a reason to let you down "respectfully." My attitude is more avoidant.


I'm not surprised by that, I never said I was :sus.

I suspected as much. So you agree that doing that because of this so-called "Princess Syndrome" is messed up then?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> I'm not surprised by that, I never said I was :sus.
> 
> I suspected as much. So you agree that doing that because of this so-called "Princess Syndrome" is messed up then?


You said this

"And how do you know why most guys on here won't ask females out? You're not even a guy"

Which I thought was a pretty obvious thing to observe.

When the Princess Syndrome comes into effect in a female's attitude, I think it's wrong, I mean the mindset behind how a girl handles the rejection due to the fact that she puts herself on a pedestal and looks down on men who she feels are beneath her rank..


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> You said this
> 
> "And how do you know why most guys on here won't ask females out? You're not even a guy"
> 
> ...


I meant how you knew that they specifically feared being rejected face-to-face, not just being rejected in general. I hardly see any comments saying that they're afraid of being rejected "face-to-face".

I see, that's pretty much what I thought. I didn't want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst, but it definitely appeared that way. So you believe that girls who reject men by ignoring them think they're just too good for the men?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> I meant how you knew that they specifically feared being rejected face-to-face, not just being rejected in general. I hardly see any comments saying that they're afraid of being rejected "face-to-face".
> 
> I see, that's pretty much what I thought. I didn't want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst, but it definitely appeared that way. So you believe that girls who reject men by ignoring them think they're just too good for the men?


That's a quick judgment to make, you don't know how each female thinks when she decides not to "confront" the problem of rejecting someone. It could be that she just doesn't want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict.....

Something about females they are very anti conflict unlike men. It is the way our brains are wired and the differences in how we behave and handle different situations.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

calichick said:


> That's a quick judgment to make, you don't know how each female thinks when she decides not to "confront" the problem of rejecting someone. It could be that she just doesn't want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict.....
> 
> Something about females they are very anti conflict unlike men. It is the way our brains are wired and the differences in how we behave and handle different situations.


But a young woman (or a young adult rather, man or woman) should have the wherewithall to know that if you ignore someone the other person isn't going to take it well. Or at least they should know that it isn't the most respectful way to reject someone (I think it's very disrespectful, and I'm sure other men would agree with this). Regardless of why they're doing it, it's still seen as disrespectful because you would never ignore someone you respected, especially after they come out to you and express that they have romantic feelings for you.

Being anxious about the result is fine, but I don't think it's rational to conclude that "ignoring them" is an overall better option than telling them to their face because you don't want to cause conflict or hurt someone's feelings. If you ignore them, there's no doubt that you're hurting their feelings and it can still cause conflict, so that's not a legit excuse in my opinion. Basically, it boils down to being smart and mature about it (if you're talking about "causing conflict" or "hurting someone's feelings", ignoring them is way harsher than telling them upfront in a respectful way).

You're right about females being anti-conflict (or at least moreso than men).


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## hexy (Apr 22, 2011)

yes i would agree that ignoring someone (especially someone you have known for a long time) is more disrespectful than actually telling them how you feel upfront. if it's someone that gets mad easily and is bad at taking negative feedback then at least you could send an email or something, if taking it face-to-face is too hard.

there's of course the problem that you might meet them the next day or something, for example at work, but i guess what you can try to remember is that you're not responsible for how they handle rejection.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

calichick said:


> Something about females they are very anti conflict unlike men. It is the way our brains are wired and the differences in how we behave and handle different situations.


I dunno about that one... Ive known so very controversial girls and girls who thoroughly enjoy conflict.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

_*doesn't focus on such things any more, feels it's better to just move on and not dwell*._ xP


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I kinda view rejection like it's rejection. I don't really care how it's done. I used to but then I noticed it's pretty much all the same anyway.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

I'm only counting RL rejections, not online ones.

High School:
First crush seemed like she liked me but then went with someone else. Both her and her friends proceeded to make my life a living hell for the next three years in h.s.

College:
Rejected because she doesn't date Asians.
Rejected because she doesn't date engineers.
Rejected because I'm a virgin.
Rejected because she doesn't date engineers. (x2)
Rejected because I didn't drive at the time.
Rejected because she doesn't date engineers. (x3)
Rejected because she doesn't date Asians. (x2)
Rejected because I sucked at DDR.
Got her phone number, but it was to a gay sex line.
Rejected because she doesn't date engineers. (x4)
Rejected because she doesn't date engineers (x5) and ran away from me after that.

Post-College:
Girl asked how much money I had in my bank account. I ran out.
Girl thought I was a professional poker player, found out I was an engineer (x6) and lost interest.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Harpuia said:


> I'm only counting RL rejections, not online ones.
> 
> High School:
> First crush seemed like she liked me but then went with someone else. Both her and her friends proceeded to make my life a living hell for the next three years in h.s.
> ...


LOL. I don't think it's because your an engineer. Either your confusing the reasons yourself or they were lying to you.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> LOL. I don't think it's because your an engineer. Either your confusing the reasons yourself or they were lying to you.


Nope, it was flat out "I'm sorry, I don't date engineers."

Except the last two. They just kinda backed away soon as they found out my major/job.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Harpuia said:


> Nope, it was flat out "I'm sorry, I don't date engineers."
> 
> Except the last two. They just kinda backed away soon as they found out my major/job.


If that was really the case then those girls are way too unrealistic. What do they expect you to be a Doctor or something? Engineers make good money. I don't see the correlation there at all. Personally, I think it was a BS excuse on the girls part.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> If that was really the case then those girls are way too unrealistic. What do they expect you to be a Doctor or something? Engineers make good money. I don't see the correlation there at all. Personally, I think it was a BS excuse on the girls part.


From what I understand one of them at least explaining to me, it's that we're too boring and most of us seem "creepy".

They'd date liberal arts majors for example because they seem more approachable and friendly.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Harpuia said:


> From what I understand one of them at least explaining to me, it's that we're too boring and most of us seem "creepy".
> 
> They'd date liberal arts majors for example because they seem more approachable and friendly.


Sounds like a very biased and unreasonable explanation on their part. If you choose to believe it, then see it for how stupid that sounds and be thankful they rejected you for your own sake. No one needs stupid children.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Sounds like a very biased and unreasonable explanation on their part. If you choose to believe it, then see it for how stupid that sounds and be thankful they rejected you for your own sake. No one needs stupid children.


Except they're not the ones looked at as losers or outcasts in life. I am.

So who is the better person after all?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Harpuia said:


> Except they're not the ones looked at as losers or outcasts in life. I am.
> 
> So who is the better person after all?


Engineers are loser outcasts? Haha, please.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> LOL. I don't think it's because your an engineer. Either your confusing the reasons yourself or they were lying to you.


that's true, engineer means money, it's a solid job


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

I'm not the one who says this stuff. I was only asked to list my rejections and their reasons. There was one more in the middle of the College one but I don't know the reason so yeah.

It might not help that our starting salary jobs don't look as good as they used to during the recession too, I don't know. All I know is that the guy who told me get married first before taking the major was definitely not kidding. I'm 25, and right now I'm struggling in my long-distance relationship, the first relationship I've had of any kind in 3-4 years, and I've yet to have a true face-to-face relationship.


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## StoicNate (Nov 13, 2009)

Rejections from entry level no skills involved jobs. It makes me depressed.
I always mess up on the interviews. The worst question is "Why should we hire you, over all the other applicants?". 
I find it difficult to answer that question and want to go home and not try to get a job ever again.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Just got involved a little with someone I thought I liked, haven't really become interested in someone when they were single.

There's a girl I kind of know, was really happy to see her last time. Kind of tried to kiss her and hug her when I was drunk, but she was with some guy and I made him go away somehow. She's interested but I guess I'm not anymore

And there was a guy that really showed an interest in me, but I was just talking to him because I felt lonely.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

a guy in junior high found out i liked him indirectly and subsequently teased and made fun of me in front of my peers about my appearance, and would occasionally say other ****ty things at random to and about me. The worst time was when I actually cried in front of my entire class because of what he said, and no one came to comfort me- and I sat at a table made up of my closest friends. Because of this I went to school extremely anxious and paranoid everyday thinking that I was going to be humiliated in front of my peers at every turn. 

Dealing with this almost every day in junior high programmed me to feel fear in all my social interactions, and my peers reactions to my plummet in popularity didn't help either. It might also be why I value kindness in men so highly.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Harpuia said:


> Except they're not the ones looked at as losers or outcasts in life. I am.
> 
> So who is the better person after all?


I think it must be where you live. I don't think they view engineers negatively from where I'm from. Any good paying job is a plus.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

mcmuffinme said:


> a guy in junior high found out i liked him indirectly and subsequently teased and made fun of me in front of my peers about my appearance, and would occasionally say other ****ty things at random to and about me.


Same situation for me. Every guy that I have liked or found attractive has found out indirectly, and was completely and utterly disgusted. They would then make comments about my appearance too, saying things like "Wow, you're so ugly, I can't believe you thought you had a chance with me! HAHAHA!" The rest of the school year would then be spent having them randomly say rude things to my face, usually about my looks. The one that probably affected me the most was in junior high, when after the guy found out, he would make a disgusted face, yell "STAY AWAY" while making a hand gesture, then run away whenever he saw me. Another time in high school, a guy that found out told me that I was too ugly for him or any other guy to ever like me. :rain


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

My rejection was a simultaneous rejection by a crush and by friends. I had a crush on a boy all through middle school and my friends were trying to get him to go out with me. I didn't put them up to it. They took it upon themselves. After a few days of them doing that I went ahead and gave him a note telling him how much I liked him, which he dropped and most of the class ended up reading it. Everyone thought my friends wrote it and apparently they thought that was grounds to end our friendship (although they took that opportunity to tell me everything else they hated about me) and bully me for the rest of the school year.

:rain


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> Same situation for me. Every guy that I have liked or found attractive has found out indirectly, and was completely and utterly disgusted. They would then make comments about my appearance too, saying things like "Wow, you're so ugly, I can't believe you thought you had a chance with me! HAHAHA!" The rest of the school year would then be spent having them randomly say rude things to my face, usually about my looks. The one that probably affected me the most was in junior high, when after the guy found out, he would make a disgusted face, yell "STAY AWAY" while making a hand gesture, then run away whenever he saw me. Another time in high school, a guy that found out told me that I was too ugly for him or any other guy to ever like me. :rain


Wow, I never expected someone to have such a similar experience. Thanks for sharing! If your account picture is you then I don't know wtf those guys were talking about because you're genuinely pretty. If I didn't think so I would have just said nothing, so if you can, believe me, because I'm being 100% honest.


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## swtnlo (Nov 27, 2011)

*Being too defensive*

Does anyone else get extremely on the defensive if someone makes a comment about something particular? Like how you chew food or how you mispronounced something or how you mumble, just examples. People are probably innocent in their comments but to me I get so edgy and jump to defend myself at every turn. Ten I fe paranoid!


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