# Why are some women obsessed with marriage



## MechanicallyMinded (Jul 17, 2017)

First off before I get any negativity from trigging anyone like "all women don't care about marriage" or "sometimes men obsess as well" I understand all that.

I'm just saying in general/my personal experiance girls tend to care more about it and I just don't get why anyone cares about it.

I'm speaking from a non religious standpoint or hell even a religious one.
Even if your religious why do we need to envolve some legally binding contract that has potential legal consequences to your livelyhood, effects your status and taxes, and puts government in your buisness.

What it so special and romantic about a legal contract that is less romantic than someone wanting to be with your forever without it.

What's the big deal, what different does it make it your partner doesn't want to go through the whole legality of marriage and just wants to love you forever without any of that.

I can give a girl a ring, make vows, and promise my love HONESTLY without any of that.

I really hate the idea of marriage for reasons that have nothing to do with commitment.

Am I just being an ******* or is everyone pretty confused by the idea of marriage as well?










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## Bigkev1983 (Feb 10, 2017)

A lot of it is about the THEATRE of being married... lot of girls have been planning out their perfect wedding in their imagination since they were 7. Then there's all the festivities surrounding it - not just the day but the hen do, engagement parties, honeymoon. There's all the excitement and congrats and jealous looks from her friends. 

And, like it or not, in a lot of women's minds, that ring is a permanent fixture - without it, she might doubt your sincerity in wanting to stay with her forever.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

cultural expectations. the fairy tale. wanting an enduring commitment. making it safe to have children.


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## nosystemd (Dec 14, 2018)

marriage is the foundation of a family-- its like when they put in the cornerstone of a building. im divorced, we both thought we would stay together. but a family is a difficult thing to build, especially when the people building it both come from families that were neglectful.

you can certainly have a family without a marriage, but its pretty standard fare. even if it wasnt a contract-- even if marriage was just a big reception, like a double family reunion but with one new person on each side, it would mark the beginning of a brand new family being started.

if we were living in the 1950s (and im not saying id prefer that) then many men would be proud to take over their dads business (obviously not all men) and many women would be proud to start a family of their own.

consider it the *traditional* feminine version of the entrepreneurial spirit. theres certainly nothing shameful in having that desire now, but not everyone feels that way-- just as well, because there are billions of people competing for the earths resources and maybe a lot of women have other goals instead. i'm pretty sure not all men want families either.

but its something weve done for so long, you can hardly say its just a phase we went through. its probably as much a stage of human evolution as growing arms and legs (to be fair, our genetic ancestors already did that for us.)


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

No clue. But my family didn't romanticize marriage and my parents didn't have a wedding. I think most girls have photos of their parents wedding and their mom's wedding dress is somewhere back in their closet.

But yeah, as someone who didn't have that sort of thing drilled into my mind it's also really bizarre and alien to me. I knew one girl who was completely consumed by her marriage and wedding. She spent 10s of thousands of dollars and even got plastic surgery JUST for her wedding. I didn't really care for weddings before but being a part of that whole fiasco turned me off them completely


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Wedding culture is insane. That's one thing- the idea of fairy tale, expensive ring and all that.

However, plenty of pple just want marriage as a more solid commitment to the relationship. It's a promise to truly give your all. A statement that we are consciously choosing to build a life together. Also the benefits, especially practicalities such as if I'm in an accident my spouse is able to see me, taxes, buying a home, starting a family, etc.

It's entirely unnecessary at this point, depending on the legal protections in whichever country one resides in, but I see its appeal and would like to be married. Courthouse is fine, no ring necessary.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Suppose a friend asks you to loan him $1000 and says he'll pay you back $100 a month. You ask him to sign some legal paperwork to that effect witnessed by a notary public. He says "We're friends, I value you, I can be just as committed to paying you back without signing any documents... so I refuse this contract! Gimme the money!" Do you now trust your friend to repay you more or less than if he'd signed?

Marriage is about security.

Emotional security is pretty near the most important thing in life to have. The publicness of the pledge is part of what creates the feeling of emotional security. If you're willing to make all the commitments of marriage but won't sign the contract in front of her family, of course it looks and sounds like you're being dishonest when you say you're just as committed.

Naturally for many women, particularly those planning to be moms and especially stay at home moms, it's also about financial security. You can't plan the next 20 years of your life if you don't feel secure about what your income is going to be. Marriage provides for alimony as an insurance. In community property jurisdictions it gives you the piece of mind of knowing you both own everything equally, too.

Marriage sets defined legal consequences for failure of commitment. It's only logical to consider a commitment more trustworthy when someone is willing to commit to consequences for failure, compared to when they vehemently protest against defining consequences.

The things some people associate with marriage, like extravagantly expensive ceremonies, are of course completely optional and often symptoms of insecurities that bode ill for the marriage.

And of course for many other people marriage is about their religion or family pressures or various other things.


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## nosystemd (Dec 14, 2018)

Paul said:


> Marriage sets defined legal consequences for failure of commitment.


in many instances. and i think your post is mostly valid. in some instances, in some states for example, its not so much "defined legal consequences" as "official mediation required on departure." if theres no kids and no assets, there is often no fault. i would say this is the direction that the legal side of marriage is mostly headed in.

the part about making promises in front of each others families, hopefully remains (i think it likely does stay) relevant. in effect youre not just promising one person, youre promising all present. in a great marriage, their presence is also an implied commitment to some degree, that the promise has a certain amount of reciprocity.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Paul said:


> Suppose a friend asks you to loan him $1000 and says he'll pay you back $100 a month. You ask him to sign some legal paperwork to that effect witnessed by a notary public. He says "We're friends, I value you, I can be just as committed to paying you back without signing any documents... so I refuse this contract! Gimme the money!" Do you now trust your friend to repay you more or less than if he'd signed?
> 
> Marriage is about security.
> 
> ...


This.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

it just feels like something that is probably going to be necessary.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

If I had to guess because women care more about committed relationships and society tells you that marriage = ultimate sign of commitment and that being in a relationship is less than being married. I guess the wedding appeals to some as well. And then it's probably a form of status competition too for some women with flashy weddings + rings etc.


I don't like legal marriage as an institution.


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## Luzali (Jul 4, 2018)

I think the reason why younger girls and women are into marriage so much is because its been drilled into us since we could walk. From a very young age girls are told their purpose in life is to get married and if were not married by a certain age then we've no hope and will end up lonely, sad and pathetic. There is allot more stigma around single women than there is around single men.
Literally every movie aimed at girls focuses on finding 'true love' and getting married. Girls toys consist of new born babies, play kitchens, pretend cleaning supplies like vacuums and sweeping brushes. Girls are molded from a very young age to want to be perfect housewives. 

I was never too fussed on marriage up until the last couple of years, as I got older I began to see it as a practicality than anything else. Where I live its impossible to have a normal life as a single person. I will never get a mortgage despite having a decent job and being well educated because it takes two incomes to afford a loan for one. I will forever be either living with my parents or renting a room, house sharing with strangers because it takes two incomes to rent an apartment or house. Everything is set up for couples.


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## nosystemd (Dec 14, 2018)

Persephone The Dread said:


> society tells you that marriage = ultimate sign of commitment


at least, second only to:

1. college loans
2. marriage in a state without no-fault divorce
3. wireless service contract with at&t
4. selling your soul


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It's less of a commitment than having kids. Can't really get rid of them easily. Having kids is the ultimate commitment, so if you want kids you certainly want the father to be committed.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

nosystemd said:


> at least, second only to:
> 
> 1. college loans
> 2. marriage in a state without no-fault divorce
> ...


lol this is all I know about at&t:


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

Not sure, it's a waste of money if you ask me. I suggested to my partner that we could one day have a civil partnership but she didn't seem very impressed.


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## nosystemd (Dec 14, 2018)

Persephone The Dread said:


>


theyre like bt, except they glow in the dark and drool blood and resonant frequencies when they talk.

"wait, i thought bt did that as well" yes, but at&t is even worse.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I think @Paul basically answered it. It's a way of measuring investment in the relationship.

You: "I'd do anything for you."
Her: "Would you marry me?"
You: "No, that's stupid."
Her: (If he really loved me he would.)

If she does want to get married, is your disdain for the institution of marriage more important than making her happy? Because that's how it's going to feel to her. You're putting your opinions about marriage above her happiness. It can make her feel pretty unimportant. Not all women are like that, ofc, but many are. Not proposing can kill a relationship. It happens all the time. (Speaking from experience.)

Related:


* *


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

truant said:


> I think @Paul basically answered it. It's a way of measuring investment in the relationship.
> 
> You: "I'd do anything for you."
> Her: "Would you marry me?"
> ...


Well; I don't blame them. I'm pretty traditional thinking myself. I believe that the best chance a child has is being the product of a* happily* married couple.

Stress on the word happily.

The only thing I disagree with however ( and I blame hollywood for this fantasy) ...is that we have created this stigma in society that the only reason a man hesitates to propose is because he is "afraid of commitment" or his is "not in love enough"

Hollywood, tends to focus a lot on the spectacle of the marriage...which causes many women to feel impatient when the man doesn't propose yet.

However ..many men (we have discussed this endlessly amongst ourselves)...are more worried about having the tools necessary to raise and sustain children, and maintain a certain standard of living...after the ceremony and honeymoon are over.

I wish dating websites and Hollywood movies would stop the whole "He's afraid of commitment" garbage....it's teaching women to be impatient ...and teaches men to make rushed decisions.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I am for sure afraid of commitment. Speaking for myself (nobody else) I can't see why everyone wouldn't be though, given the implications and realities of life (it would seem delusional to not be concerned), but that's just me. I wonder if people just pretend not to have doubts about the other person, or something.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I actually struggle with the dishonesty that seems necessary for maintaining a relationship :lol. But that is another topic.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

VIncymon said:


> Well; I don't blame them. I'm pretty traditional thinking myself. I believe that the best chance a child has is being the product of a* happily* married couple.
> 
> Stress on the word happily.
> 
> ...


Are they worried about 'having the tools' or are they using that as a rationalization to cover their fear that they're making the wrong decision? "Is she the right one?" People need a reason to delay their decision if they can't figure it out. "I don't have the resources yet" is a great one. It makes you seem noble instead of merely uncertain.

I'm sure some men do feel they've met "the one" and are concerned about whether or not they have the resources to raise a family. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But it seems to me like a really tempting rationalization to indulge in. Popular culture makes a big deal out of fear of commitment because -- brace yourself -- it's a very common problem. Every relationship is different. We shouldn't expect every decision to be easy. Personally, I'd be skeptical if anyone told me they thought I was the one. "Are you sure? Did you think it through?" I'd have to question their sanity, I'm afraid.



SplendidBob said:


> I am for sure afraid of commitment. Speaking for myself (nobody else) I can't see why everyone wouldn't be though, given the implications and realities of life (it would seem delusional to not be concerned), but that's just me. I wonder if people just pretend not to have doubts about the other person, or something.


I think doubts are normal. But you can be killed driving to work. Some people are willing to take the risk.

I have no problem jumping into relationships, but I'm not worried about the outcome. People cheat. Relationships end. It's sad, but it doesn't vaporize the advantages of having one. I'd rather have some ups and downs than the flatline of single life. If I had my way, I'd never not be in a relationship, since I happen to find them a lot of fun.

Ultimately, it's up to the individual to decide what kind of life they want to live. There are no wrong answers here. People prefer what they prefer. What's easy for one person to face is impossible for another. And that's not wrong and it's not anyone's fault. It's just the way it is.


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## discopotato (Dec 24, 2016)

I never understood it myself. But I grew up witnessing a lot of toxic marriages up close so I never had that romanticized picture of it.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

Pretty much what other people have said. I can only add: history. 

In very recent times marriage was the guarantee that you would not be left to die on the streets. Sex meant pregnancies, pregnancies meant illegal abortions (which, your religion said, would condemn you to hell forever, and you might end up there even faster if you die during the botched surgery). Failing that, your employer would turf you out, which often meant you became homeless at the same time. Your family would think you are a disgrace and disown you. Your ******* boyfriend? Would get off scot-free, in most cases.

This might not still be the case (shockingly, it still is in some places), but the scars are pretty recent. Some people, even if jokingly, still use phrases like 'to make an honest woman out of her', '******* child', 'knocked up', 'marriage material', 'always the bridesmaid never the bride', all of which put a high value on marriage and sometimes ridicule a woman who 'fails' to get married.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

truant said:


> I think doubts are normal. But you can be killed driving to work. Some people are willing to take the risk.
> 
> I have no problem jumping into relationships, but I'm not worried about the outcome. People cheat. Relationships end. It's sad, but it doesn't vaporize the advantages of having one. I'd rather have some ups and downs than the flatline of single life. If I had my way, I'd never not be in a relationship, since I happen to find them a lot of fun.
> 
> Ultimately, it's up to the individual to decide what kind of life they want to live. There are no wrong answers here. People prefer what they prefer. What's easy for one person to face is impossible for another. And that's not wrong and it's not anyone's fault. It's just the way it is.


Yeh, I mean, rationally I know the advantages of a relationship outweigh a non relationship (for me). This is true even factoring in a potential (or even probable) unhappy breakup. Still, I find commitment unsettling for some reason. Perhaps something innate in me, or since I have more recently got more attention from women (something unlikely to persist for much longer, tbh) I suspect I have more options than I likely have, so finding a "better fit" may be possible. I am unconvinced about this in reality though (I have severe deficits in certain traits / areas), and tbh, the idea of "good enough" which, though not exactly the most romantic of sentiments, seems to apply just as well here as it does in all the other myriad of domains across my life where it is particularly useful advise for me (given my perfectionism and avoidance).

Marriage, as a supposed life long commitment is a somewhat different proposition though, since it seems spectacularly unlikely.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

SplendidBob said:


> Yeh, I mean, rationally I know the advantages of a relationship outweigh a non relationship (for me). This is true even factoring in a potential (or even probable) unhappy breakup. Still, I find commitment unsettling for some reason. Perhaps something innate in me, or since I have more recently got more attention from women (something unlikely to persist for much longer, tbh) I suspect I have more options than I likely have, so finding a "better fit" may be possible. I am unconvinced about this in reality though (I have severe deficits in certain traits / areas), and tbh, the idea of "good enough" which, though not exactly the most romantic of sentiments, seems to apply just as well here as it does in all the other myriad of domains across my life where it is particularly useful advise for me (given my perfectionism and avoidance).
> 
> Marriage, as a supposed life long commitment is a somewhat different proposition though, since it seems spectacularly unlikely.


Yeah, I think the marriage ideal (lifelong commitment) actually feeds into people's perfectionist tendencies. Fear of commitment is partly a fear of failure. If the expectations are very high, it's understandable if a lot of people get cold feet.

It's unrealistic, imo, to expect most people to be in love for decades and decades and decades. I don't think people should feel like they've failed if their marriage ends. You can't predict the future. You can't know whether or not it's going to work ahead of time. People are human. It's okay to 'fail' at marriage. It's okay to do it a bunch of times. Demanding that kind of perseverance the way it has traditionally been demanded (eg. by the church) just ends up hurting people who find themselves stuck in unhappy relationships.

I think marriage is useful as a way to publicly commit to sharing the responsibilities of childrearing. It puts people on the hook for it. And I think it can be a fun excuse to have a big party when you're really in love, even if you don't have any definite plans wrt children (y'know, if you're into that kind of thing). But not everyone should be expected to get married. Nor should anyone be shamed for wanting to be. (Nor, imo, for wanting to marry more than one person at a time, lol.) As always, respecting individual differences and the frailty of human nature seems like the best policy to me.


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## SorryForMyEnglish (Oct 9, 2014)

Cause they realize how immature and egocentric/entitled many men are and they try to do some parenting job.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

SorryForMyEnglish said:


> Cause they realize how immature and egocentric/entitled many men are and they try to do some parenting job.


That is also a Hollywood stereotype. My husband is just like having another child in the house. :wink2:

We've heard it all before.

My point still stands on the commitment thing though. Wanting to feel rationally prepared for marriage shouldn't be treated as a bad thing.

All you have to do is type "broke men" ...into the google search bar and you will see loads and loads of dating advice aimed at women which discourages women from dating/marrying men who aren't financially secure.
I can find very few websites which say *'women ..even if your man is dead broke, you shouldn't hesistate to marry him'* ...most websites say the opposite.

Which brings us back to the topic at hand. A woman will feel* emotionally *ready for marriage...but the man may not feel like he is quite in the *financial* position yet. That doesn't mean he loves her less, doesn't mean he is afraid to commit.


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## leaf in the wind (Mar 28, 2017)

It signals the end of the search for a mate. Obvious disclaimer that not all women believe this - But to me, as long as you are not married, you are still "in the market" to an extent and options are still open. Leaving one partner for another while only dating is easy - no separation process, messy and expensive divorce, the baggage of _being _a divorcee.

My most recent on-again, off-again partner asked when I'd ideally get married, and it'd probably be early thirties (I'm 26 now). I'd like to have a child, but I'm not mentally set on settling down for the rest of my life yet likely because I haven't met the right guy... so no marriage for me.


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## nosystemd (Dec 14, 2018)

its funny because the world is like "dont marry until youre financially stable," and so many things f***ed financially, you follow the "dont marry until youre financially stable" advice, then youll get "millennials are less committed to relationships than any generation ever."

no, most people are just intellectually dishonest, because this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you dont kind of things. the only "responsible" decision in this generation is lining people up for tubal ligation and vasectomies, because the previous generations couldnt keep it in their pants (or leave any sort of economy in place for future generations.)

heck, there are probably three people on this forum related to mick jagger alone.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't like the idea that you have to get married to appear committed. It's like people have two modes of thinking marriage or casual sex. What.

Well millennials are having less sex anyway so:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/nov/21/millennials-sex-stressed-young-people-worry



> So exactly why aren't we ripping each others clothes off like Generation X and the baby boomers once did? After all, we are the ones who put up the fight to become more sexually liberated: we're moving away from ****-shaming, and talking more about what consent should look like in and outside of the bedroom. *What's more, we've even been dubbed the hook-up generation - perhaps just one with no one to hook up with.*


lol

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/...-reasons-why-young-people-are-having-less-sex



> If young people were having copious amounts of hook-up sex, then maybe their overall rates of sex would not be decreasing, even though they are dating less often and are less likely to have special romantic relationships. Actual rates of casual sex, though, have not lived up to the hype.
> 
> "Roughly one-third were&#8230;"abstainers" - they opted out of hook-up culture entirely. A little more than a third were "dabblers" - they hooked up sometimes, but ambivalently. Less than a quarter were "enthusiasts," who delighted in hooking up. The remainder were in long-term relationships."
> 
> ...


(this is taken from some university thing.)



> Another reason the rate of sex may be decreasing is that, more often than we realize, the sex that young adults are having is bad sex or painful sex. They are also more willing to say "no thanks" to having any more of it.





> Young adults are experiencing more of the kinds of sex that is popularized in porn, such as anal sex and choking (erotic asphyxiation). Julian points to a study showing that the percent of women in their late 20s who had tried anal sex had doubled from 20 percent in 1992 to 40 percent in 2012. Research shows, she says, that "in the absence of high-quality sex education, teen boys look to porn for help understanding sex."
> 
> Plenty of women are not enjoying anal sex or vaginal intercourse. In 2012, Julian notes, 30 percent of women experienced pain during vaginal intercourse and a whopping 72 percent said that the anal sex they experienced was painful.
> 
> Orgasms in the context of hookups with a new partner are strikingly rare. In the study Julian described, just 31 percent of men and a jaw-droppingly low 11 percent of women experienced orgasm under those conditions.


The male results surprise me, but just goes to show most young people are having **** sex.

edit: Lol this whole thing (might as well cross it all out and write MOST PEOPLE ARE REALLY UNHAPPY NOW NO MATTER WHAT. ESPECIALLY YOUNGER PEOPLE.):



> You would think, from reading those claims, that people who marry become happier and healthier. But by 2012, there were already 18 studies that followed the same people over time, as they went from being single to getting married. They did not become happier than they were when they were single, except sometimes for a brief "honeymoon effect" early on. The most recent and most sophisticated studies show that people who marry do not become healthier, either, and depending on the measure, sometimes become less healthy.





> Tumin looked at his data in all sorts of ways, but only found one hint that getting married was good for health: Among the oldest women (those born between 1955 and 1964), those who married for the first time and stayed married for at least 10 years become slightly healthier than when they were single. But for the comparable women in the middle group (born between 1965 and 1974), there were no health benefits whatsoever. And for the youngest group (born between 1975 and 1984), there was a slight, though statistically insignificant, deterioration in their health after marrying. That's just the opposite of what Julian claimed.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's like people have two modes of thinking marriage or casual sex. What.


....Ha more often than not I bet it's marriage AND casual sex XD


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Because the best way for women to escape the rat race if they're unskilled.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Because the best way for women to escape the rat race if they're unskilled.


That's another reason why women should be earning the same as men, be given the same opportunities.
It's too late for me but I'd like to think that men will one day have this escape route open to them too.


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## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

I agree with most of what's been said--security and fulfillment of the fairy tale being at the top of the list. Betsy and I, after close to three years in a relationship, did a semi-elaborate _No Marriage Ceremony._ We checked into a fancy motel and each brought in symbolic objects, burned candles and, as I recall, had some champagne etc. We proclaimed our non marriage vows and, afterward, if memory serves, we went out on the town. We'd talked about the idea of marriage hanging over our heads and this was a way of defusing it.

Lol, a year later or so we got married. :lol I think the wedding was more about sharing a celebration, moving in together, and making our parents happy than security for us. By that time we were as secure as we were ever going to be with each other. We actually became less secure at times after we got married but we were always committed so we made it work and we love each other. Not sure what any of that had to do with the discussion, really, but it jogged that memory.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

In a Lonely Place said:


> It's too late for me but I'd like to think that men will one day have this escape route open to them too.


They do...if they're willing to put up with some stuff they might not really be into. Same as some women...


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Because the best way for women to escape the rat race if they're unskilled.


 Shots fired... can't really argue against it though.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Because the best way for women to escape the rat race if they're unskilled.





In a Lonely Place said:


> It's too late for me but I'd like to think that men will one day have this escape route open to them too.


Funny, I know more women supporting men than I do men supporting women. Looks like plenty of guys find that 'escape route' just fine.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

truant said:


> Funny, I know more women supporting men than I do men supporting women. Looks like plenty of guys find that 'escape route' just fine.


Hmmm interesting, I never had ugly older women wanting to look after me. :-(


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

In a Lonely Place said:


> truant said:
> 
> 
> > Funny, I know more women supporting men than I do men supporting women. Looks like plenty of guys find that 'escape route' just fine.
> ...


Just take your shirt off and clean her pool


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> RelinquishedHell said:
> 
> 
> > Because the best way for women to escape the rat race if they're unskilled.
> ...


Lol, yeah. I forgot about the lack of nuanced rational thinkers here. Add a little psychosis and everything is a fight.


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## Zima1993 (Sep 20, 2016)

Marriage--->house--->kids... about that order... its a piece of the puzzle of life..except it doesn't always works out for everyone and even those that it does..it can still be a giant anchor around their neck holding their heads underwater.


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## Bellamars47 (Feb 6, 2019)

I feel like instead of just wondering when the weddings going to be. People should really ask themselves if their skilled to actually deal with the other persons bull because everything looks nice and peachy in the beginning but once it all starts to set in that's when you really know a person. Marriage and relationships for that fact should be about not only sharing the good times with your significant other but also when **** hits the fan who's going t be there for you? That's the real question.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Bellamars47 said:


> I feel like instead of just wondering when the weddings going to be. People should really ask themselves if their skilled to actually deal with the other persons bull because everything looks nice and peachy in the beginning but once it all starts to set in that's when you really know a person. Marriage and relationships for that fact should be about not only sharing the good times with your significant other but also when **** hits the fan who's going t be there for you? That's the real question.


Also....men have a financial clock that is every bit on our mind as the 'biological clock' is to women.

The financial clock is "*There is no reverse Cinderella story in real life, I MUST be financially stable*"

Many women just don't seem to understand this.

I've tried this experiment many times; I ask a female collegue if I should get married and the advice I am given is always based on "Do you love her/ How many years have you been dating"

It is only when I ask men for advice do other things like "Do you have a place to stay" "what is your job now" "Is there a promotion coming soon that you can get"....come into play.

As men we are expected to "man up" and propose because the woman's biological clock demands it...yet society offers no sympathy for men's financial clock it is always just brushed off as "inability to commit"


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## Swanhild (Nov 26, 2012)

Expectations and conditioning. In reality, studies show that married men are the happier ones and they should be seeking it more:

https://www.businessinsider.com/society-should-stop-pretending-marriage-makes-women-so-happy-2017-1
https://www.dailywire.com/news/14235/study-married-men-are-happier-aaron-bandler


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## C137 (May 16, 2017)

I'm more saddened by the the fact you had to preface your post with a Trigger warning.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

C137 said:


> I'm more saddened by the the fact you had to preface your post with a Trigger warning.


Of course the trigger warning was necessary....Threads get shut down here faster than a geeky nerd in the 80's


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

My guess is that most people who are obsessed with marriage want kids. Otherwise, there's really not much point to it over just a steady relationship.


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## Andlovegrewup (Feb 23, 2019)

WillYouStopDave said:


> My guess is that most people who are obsessed with marriage want kids. Otherwise, there's really not much point to it over just a steady relationship.


I don't want kids, but it would have been nice to get married if I found the right person. But it's honestly more likely that I will hit the lottery than get married so I don't even think about it.


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## jhinds (May 30, 2011)

Andlovegrewup said:


> I don't want kids, but it would have been nice to get married.


I'm curious to know what it is about marriage that would be 'nice'. If 2 people love each other, why is it needed?


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

VIncymon said:


> Of course the trigger warning was necessary....Threads get shut down here faster than a geeky nerd in the 80's


:laugh:


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

Religious/cultural indoctrination. Religions usually amalgamate dowries and other ****ty cultural ideas to placate the masses. You saw this with the Christianity and the reformation. Women were property in the "good old" days.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

truant said:


> Funny, I know more women supporting men than I do men supporting women. Looks like plenty of guys find that 'escape route' just fine.


Yep i can testify to that being true. My own sister supported two men. Got one his Canadian papers and is now supporting the other one pretty much financially, because he's still "paying" for his past mistakes lol. Though to his credit, he works everyday and he's a good father who is there for his son and my sister's kids.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yeah my mum supported my dad after he developed a gambling problem and got them seriously into debt, he's also done other questionable and compulsive money related things over the years. He always worked but she earnt more.


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