# Should I tell friends and family I'm agnostic?



## AskingWhatIf

So basically where I live, EVERYONE is a Christian or at least claims to be. I'm an 18 year old girl and still living with my parents while I go to a community college. I was raised in a Christian home and went to a Christian school from K4 to Senior year. So naturally, all my friends and family are Christians.

The past year or so, I've been seriously doubting my faith. I've never really felt a true relationship with God, but I've always wanted one. I just felt silly praying when I wasn't even sure if there was a God. I've tried going to different churches and Christian groups to see if something would "click," but nothing ever has. And yet I still enjoy going to some churches, and I really like being around Christians because they tend to be friendly and have clean humor. 

Anyway I think I'm agnostic and I really want to talk to someone about it, but I'm afraid to because I know it will completely change the way people think about me. I don't really want to be preached to, but I want to get my thoughts out there and have a rational discussion about it. Also, I don't want to stress out my parents and friends because I know they'll be worried about my salvation. I mean, no one wants to see someone they love go to hell, right?

So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?


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## albrecht

First tell them you're a Satanist. Let them think that for a few days. Then tell them you changed your mind and are an agnostic. They'll feel a lot better about it that way and won't give you as much **** for it.


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## CarrotStix

^^^ what he said.

But seriously, I was in the same situation as you. I just stopped going to church, and well I've explained several times to my parents, (by several maybe once or twice) what I do believe, and they're too dumb to remember it, so their problem not mine!
*ahem*. Oh right, this is about you...
I would say to tell them. Isn't it worse to lead them on and make them think you're happily going along with their religion, than for them to worry about you going to hell? I'm sure over a bit of time they'll accept your beliefs, and the whole worrying about you going to hell thing will pass over their heads. Surely they can't be puritans.


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## nkprasad12

I just show a lot of disinterest when the idea of going to a religious event comes up, but I'm not coming out: not while I still live with my parents. Maybe when I go to college I'll tell my mom.
But I doubt avoiding the issue is the best way to do it.


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## Steez

It depends on the type of parents you have. Luckily, my parents didn't make a big deal out of my Atheism. But your parents might react differently. You should also provide some reasons as to why you're declaring yourself an agnostic when you tell them. Here's a web page I made with some decent arguments.


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## Thebazilly

I had the hardest time telling my family, and I wasn't even completely sure if they were atheist or not. I think it would be better to get it off your chest, and have an earnest discussion, though. If you can't talk to your family, maybe a church official or teacher or friend would be a better choice. I've always had an easier time discussing religion with friends instead of family.


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## kev

I've got to say it's sad to me that this kind of prejudice goes on. I never really thought much about how some people have to hide their atheism or agnosticism from their own family. It is just such an alien concept to me because my parents are so liberal and accepting.

Makes me understand a little better where a lot of people on this forum are coming from. That's got to suck.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1

depends. Is your family truly loving, caring, and supporting of you? If they are, you can tell them that your faith has been waning just a tad bit. Dont go overboard. i have some family members wh are brn again nutsos and they think my parents ruined me by not making me read the bible and go to churche. they still love us and we et along great. it is all up to you base don how you believe ur fam will react to it.


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## topmid

i would start out by telling your parents that you respect their beliefs and that you hope they can respect yours. tell them you're not quite sure that you follow christianity and say that you're on a spiritual journey to find out your own beliefs. they cannot force you to believe in something you don't. if it doesn't work out, then idk just leave it at that. i have some political beliefs that my parents very much disagree with but we just stay away from those topics.


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## zer0small

I was in/am still kinda in the same place as you. I just recently started doubting my faith.
I just told my Mom what I have been thinking, and luckily she is not one of the judgmental ones. In fact, after explaining to her what I think, she said that from the conclusion I came to that it looks like I should believe what I have been thinking.
Sorry if that doesn't make any sense =/
I would just try to be upfront, and very respectful. Don't try to degrade anyone or any belief, just state the conclusion you have come too.


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## Icebat

This really makes me wonder: is it such a shame in your country (I assume you're from the US) not to be Christian? Hell, it became the norm here in Europe. Most people stopped following Christianity ages ago. 
And I became especially disgusted at the Catholic Church after all the pedopriest scandals here.

Anyways, being Agnostic is nothing to be ashamed about. To me it's the most logical belief: we say we simply don't know because we have no evidence God exists, but we're ready to believe it if one day we get to actually see Him.
I'll see when I die if He's real or not. In the meanwhile, I try to live as a good man.

I respect religion as long as they respect me.


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## willitie

I have a vary scientific view on the world, my parents never brought me to church or pushed a religion on me, however, I always thought there was a god until about 13. I never told my parents until recently that I was VARY atheist because I just figured they never asked. Turns out my dad is more or less atheist, but my mom acted sum what sad when I told her that I don't believe in anything. 
as far as friends go I just started carrying around a lot of science type research books that I already found interesting and would discus with them the contents......however it helped that I had vary nerdy friends. But it still helped bring up the topic with then and it turned out the majority of my friends I surrounded myself with were also atheist.
Most people were I live are either Mormon or Christian. A few rare times I have discussed religion vs. science with my religious friends, however, there always been a sense of un-spoken respect for each other's beliefs before the conversation even begun. In the long run in my opinion as long as you're not hurting other people or things and can keep an open mind about others you can believe whatever the hell you want.


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## ilikekittens

OMG I would hate to live around so many people obsessed with religion. I dunno what you should do... Christians can be very annoying and tell you that you will go to hell if you don't believe LOL

Just do what you want. Don't care about what people say. If people try to preach then kindly tell them where to go.


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## candiedsky

My mom's a jehovah's witness, and she forced me to be for years. Of course I am secretly agnostic, so that is one conversation that I will never partake in...


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## Joe

I dont think people are that bothered about whether your a christian or not, although I wouldn't know if you go to a strict church or not. Some people I know go because they're friends go there even if they are athiest.

P.s. Is it their or they're? I checked and It said they're but im not convinced.


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## Dr Hobo Scratch MD

AskingWhatIf said:


> So basically where I live, EVERYONE is a Christian or at least claims to be. I'm an 18 year old girl and still living with my parents while I go to a community college. I was raised in a Christian home and went to a Christian school from K4 to Senior year. So naturally, all my friends and family are Christians.
> 
> The past year or so, I've been seriously doubting my faith. I've never really felt a true relationship with God, but I've always wanted one. I just felt silly praying when I wasn't even sure if there was a God. I've tried going to different churches and Christian groups to see if something would "click," but nothing ever has. And yet I still enjoy going to some churches, and I really like being around Christians because they tend to be friendly and have clean humor.
> 
> Anyway I think I'm agnostic and I really want to talk to someone about it, but I'm afraid to because I know it will completely change the way people think about me. I don't really want to be preached to, but I want to get my thoughts out there and have a rational discussion about it. Also, I don't want to stress out my parents and friends because I know they'll be worried about my salvation. I mean, no one wants to see someone they love go to hell, right?
> 
> So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?


So should I "come out" and tell people I'm agnostic or not?

yeah if you want to feel the freezing pain of being socially shunned, ostracized,harshly looked down upon by friends and family. depends on how much of an identity your family has made out of religion. or an identity of anything for that matter dosent matter if its growing up in the hood or or some family customs you violate the social code you in trouble.

so what you really mean is your starting to think for yourself huh? good ! what you have to realise is when your dealing with people your dealing with animals that even though we have on a physical brain level we have the tools to see this and operate beyond this(what buddhism teaches), humans are pack animals with a strong pack herd mentality. when mammals appeared the main drive of mammals is that my survival is heavily dependent on being apart of a group. the group is how i survive.

want to see a simple version of what iam saying think of all the reptiles and amphibians that people keep as pets then think of all the mammals big and small. watch some documentaries on monkies or a few episodes of meerkat manor. food territory protection is all greatly enhanced when in a group. in primates animals last i read we shared 98% of our makeup with on a physical nuerological level the fear of social rejection has rides on the back of the fear of physical pain. my point being in all this humans are strongly wired to fit in and be apart of a "tribe" so to speak.

people come into this world as nothing more than blank sheets of paper.the last true connection we have with other people is screaming in the hospital nursey ...then we come home and thats were the trouble starts. nobody really knows whats going to happen to you when you die.all the different ways that people think they do is due to brainwashing. if people put more focus on what life is like while were still living we would not have half the problems we have or had. nobodys mediocre a%@ book is holy or sacred. in order to understand a page from any book you have to understand paragraphs,cant do that if you dont understand sentences.cant do that if you dont understand words. words are meaningless unless you understand an alphabet. thoses are made up of letters. whats a letter? a series of lines that they put on flashcards and hammer into your brain.

sorry about the rant but should you tell your parents? no! beliefs are just beliefs. things that our mind constantly conjures up but they wont see it as that. your still young and you may still need them so bringing up stuff that they hold to so dearly may strongly work against you. you may see this for yourself when your visiting this site from the shelter of a box in a damp alleyway.it will be alot easier to go to bed at night with worring about your family sacrificing you for being a non believer. dont be an atheist.be a buddhist. do meditation. learn to see the true nature of your mind. how it constantly worries imagines contructs fictionaly makes up beliefs.see how difficult it is to keep your mind chatter and images free for even 30 sec at best in the beginning. and how people unintentionaly take on these beliefs as there identity. learn to see a belief thought emotion as just what our mind generate like how our lungs do oxygen instead of attaching yourself and then defining yourself by them. religion.

check out a movie by comedian bill maher called religulous. freakin hilarious but very insightful. dude travels the globe going to different countries showing the silliness of when people have beliefs without being able to see them as such.


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## jamesd

To avoid fighting you should wait until you move out. If they are anything like my family they won't have an open minded discussion with you. They told me that I was under the possession of a demon and that if I don't repent my sins I am headed for hell. You can't have regular conversations with christians about this type of topic. They get heated and emotional.


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## Meli24R

jJoe said:


> I dont think people are that bothered about whether your a christian or not, although I wouldn't know if you go to a strict church or not. Some people I know go because they're friends go there even if they are athiest.
> .


I imagine things are very different in European countries. There are areas in the U.S (usually small towns in the south and parts of the midwest) that are heavily religious where people can be ostracized by their family and community if they admit to not believing. I know a guy who was disowned and kicked out of his house for being an atheist and gay. Several years have passed and his parents still won't speak to him.

To the OP, I think you should consider how open minded they are and how extreme their beliefs are. There's a chance that they will try very hard to push their beliefs on you and be completely unwilling to get into a debate or listen to your reasons for being a nonbeliever. And if you think there's even a slight chance that they would kick you out of the house, wait until you're living on your own and are financially independent. 
Perhaps, you could mention agnosticism/atheism or bring it up in some way without revealing that you are an agnostic just too see what their reaction to it is.


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## LynnNBoys

Icebat said:


> This really makes me wonder: is it such a shame in your country (I assume you're from the US) not to be Christian? Hell, it became the norm here in Europe. Most people stopped following Christianity ages ago.
> And I became especially disgusted at the Catholic Church after all the pedopriest scandals here.
> 
> Anyways, being Agnostic is nothing to be ashamed about. To me it's the most logical belief: we say we simply don't know because we have no evidence God exists, but we're ready to believe it if one day we get to actually see Him.
> I'll see when I die if He's real or not. In the meanwhile, I try to live as a good man.
> 
> I respect religion as long as they respect me.


It can be something to hide in many areas of the US, especially the southern states. It depends on the area and your family. I wish I could be more open IRL about being an atheist. Only my husband and brother know at the moment.



fez said:


> The US is so large and vast, that it really depends on where you are. In my stereotypical view of America we've got the small towns in the south that basically casterize you if you aren't christian, and the lame-*** politicians with their mountains of mindless followers.
> 
> However I would say *most of Americans are largely atheists,* or closet atheists. For example I have yet to meet one person in my college classes that is Christian. Basically everyones atheist. Where I live I've met more athiests than christians. And even the christians are pretty cool people.


I think more *younger* Americans are atheist. I think the under 30 crowd will be mostly agnostic or atheist as they grow up. The 30-50 crowd might be more closet atheists. I don't know a single atheist in real life, only online. The older generations in America are still mostly Christian.

I came close to telling one of my friends because I think she will be understanding about it. But then the moment was gone, I missed it.


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## tranquildream

I don't know.. I live in TX in a town that is super conservative, and I know for a fact everyone I work with is christian. Lots of people are really close through church. I volunteer with a hospice organization where everyone is religious. I couldn't imagine letting anyone know that I don't believe the same things as them, or that I disagree on some things. I feel it would cause most people to change their opinion of me to a negative one, and it would just be awkward. Maybe your family and friends would be different? If it's that important to them though... I don't know. I think you're right that it will be a big deal to them if they think you're going to hell for being agnostic. So maybe it's impossible to have a rational discussion with them when they already have that thought. I don't really know what the right answer is to this =/ good luck with whatever you choose to do.


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## LynnNBoys

jJoe said:


> I dont think people are that bothered about whether your a christian or not, although I wouldn't know if you go to a strict church or not. Some people I know go because they're friends go there even if they are athiest.
> 
> P.s. Is it their or they're? I checked and It said they're but im not convinced.


Their friends go there.


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## Joe

LynnNBoys said:


> Their friends go there.


Thanks 



Meli24R said:


> I imagine things are very different in European countries. There are areas in the U.S (usually small towns in the south and parts of the midwest) that are heavily religious where people can be ostracized by their family and community if they admit to not believing. I know a guy who was disowned and kicked out of his house for being an atheist and gay. Several years have passed and his parents still won't speak to him.


In Britain religions more casual, people don't really follow the bible but still believe in god. But its mostly christian religion thats like that, Christmas has been renamed winterfest in some local areas (although its probably a minor effect) so everyone can join in and not to offend other cultures. I think they've forgotten that Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus, not for presents.


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## frank81

jJoe said:


> Thanks
> 
> In Britain religions more casual, people don't really follow the bible but still believe in god. But its mostly christian religion thats like that, Christmas has been renamed winterfest in some local areas (although its probably a minor effect) so everyone can join in and not to offend other cultures. I think they've forgotten that Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus, not for presents.


I wonder if Christmas is really for celebrating the birth of Christ. Some dictionaries say it's the day Jesus died.

I'm an Asian Chinese & was brought up in Buddhism. I'm more of an atheist now. Too much debate on the 1 true God. Couldn't stand it. In Buddhism, they are too many Gods to count. When I was a kid, when I was depressed I'd pray to the Gods; But hell, I didn't really know the name of the God I was praying to.


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## Sage Sagan

I suggest you do not tell your family before you move out on your own.

Begin by telling acquaintances or people you know at school if they inquire about your beliefs, then move up the ladder and tell your friends, before finally sharing it with your relatives. 

You'll be experienced in articulating your beliefs and defending them; the worst your parents can do is not invite you to church when you visit after you no longer live under their roof.


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## MobiusX

tell them you're a satanist, then say sike, then tell them you're agnostic so it will make them feel less bad


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## MrBakura91

Depending on how religious they are, telling them might not be as important. I know my parents are moderately Christian although they haven't gone to church since I was in like Middle school. I just don't bring religion up around them.


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass

I'm totally on your same boat. I'm in middle school and I live with hard-core Christians and all of my friends are Christian except for two. I've told my Christian friends I'm agnostic and they took it fine. Except today at school they were telling me about their youth group the night before and how she couldn't use her I-pod. I asked her why and she explained to me that the youth group leader made them give up one thing that they spend a lot of time on, so that they could have a stronger relationship with god, and she picked her i-pod. Being agnostic, I asked her why. She turned and had this really pissed-off-mad-at-me look in her eyes, and she practically snarled at me, "That cause your a stupid athiest." Okay, my friend is practically the sweetest person I know and she said THAT to me. So I shot back that I was agnostic. She said whatever and she never mentioned it again. It made me really mad that she could get mad over religion. I haven't told my parent's and I'm pretty sure that if I did, they would be pissed off. They'd call me names and treat me different. I'm sorry that I can't offer you any advice, just some reassurance that there's more of us out their; agnostics who can't tell anyone.


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## Porterdog

Have a chat and/or debate with a priest. If he's any good he will be friendly and wont judge (If he isn't then all the more reason to go agnostic).

To be honest with you, once the Atheism ball is rolling, it really doesn't stop, so you might aswell tell your family. If they dislike you because of it, then you shouldn't care what they think because its worthless.


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## Foh_Teej

AskingWhatIf said:


> Anyway I think I'm agnostic


What exactly do you mean by this?


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## ThatLonerChick

I am in the exact same situation as you. 
My advice, 
DON'T DO IT!! 
I plan on not "coming out" for quite a while when I am not dependent on my parents. 
Yeah, I know it sucks not being able to talk to someone about it.. 
(Everyone I try to talk to about it just denies what I say) 
but I'm afraid they won't love me anymore!!


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## arnie

ThatLonerChick said:


> I am in the exact same situation as you.
> My advice,
> DON'T DO IT!!
> I plan on not "coming out" for quite a while when I am not dependent on my parents.
> Yeah, I know it sucks not being able to talk to someone about it..
> (Everyone I try to talk to about it just denies what I say)
> but I'm afraid they won't love me anymore!!


The more I lie to my parents, the easier it becomes.


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## ThatLonerChick

arnie said:


> The more I lie to my parents, the easier it becomes.


Well THATS not good either... 
Honestly, if saying something that is true is going to risk the strong bonds with family/friends to break, just don't bring it up. Avoid the topic. and if it comes up, DON'T SAY ANYTHING! lol 
when you do decide to tell them when you are living on your own. Be sure to have a strong basis for what you believe. 
Reason with them. 
Tell them science and reason can only go so far and there are many things mankind still doesn't know.

Tell them you are aware of your own ignorance, and you are not going to just make theories of the universe just because you want it that way
it is okay to say I don't know.

As Socrates said, a man that is wise is aware of his own ignorance.


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## MrGilligan

You know your family better than we do. If you think they'll be understanding, tell them. If they'll be *** holes and kick you out of the house, wait until you're ready to move out anyway.


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## McdonaldMiller

lmao at the first response. Not thats its not legitimate but lol.


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