# Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step by Step ShyForeigner's Log



## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

Hi everybody,

I was writing a really big wall of text telling my whole history through SA, but through half of it I was feeling too tired and sad, so I decided to follow Doctor Richard's advice and stop analyzing the bad stuff that happened in my life and brought me into this forum. I'll just begin this therapy and do it all until I'm cured.

To make a long story short: I'm a 22 yo exchange student living in Seoul, South Korea, and came to the worst moments of my SA here seeing the other exchange students doing stuff I'd like to do, events I'd like to feel comfortable with and go to, girls I'd love to approach (having a crush on asians makes it even worse), people I'd like to try my Korean that I so hardly study with, but being unable to. I'm pretty much virgin (lost my virginity with a hooker here in Seoul, which, in my book, makes me still a virgin), never kissed and never had a true girlfriend. Because all of this feeling of powerlessness that I felt since I can remember I decided to take some action.

I'll update this post weekly, focusing mostly on Doctor's Richard treatment, but also using some other material that you guys may suggest me.

I've already read the handouts from the first week, listened to the tapes, chosen the sentences to repeat, began training "Slow-Talking" and I'm ready to go, wish me luck, and I'll update it next week.


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

Something I've been wondering while reading some of the statements he asks us to read is if I should translate them to my native language or not. I'm pretty much fluent in English, so I'm not sure if it's that necessary.

Any of you guys that have tried this treatment and are not English native speakers have translated the statements from the handout?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Don't think I've heard of Doctor Richard's treatment, so I'll have to look into it. Best of luck, I can't imagine how tough it must be having SA and also trying to adapt to a foreign country. Hope it ends up being a greater experience for you


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

slyfox said:


> Don't think I've heard of Doctor Richard's treatment, so I'll have to look into it. Best of luck, I can't imagine how tough it must be having SA and also trying to adapt to a foreign country. Hope it ends up being a greater experience for you


Sadly I only decided to take action having only 2 months left to go back to my country, so I probably won't be able to enjoy the Korea as someone with less or without SA, but better late than never. Thank you for the support!

*06/16*

I'm doing the exercises from the first session everyday, but sadly (or happily) I'm not being exposed to SA inducing situations nowadays, because I've got almost no classes left and the times I leave home is usually together with the guys who live with me, so the "Thought Stoppage" followed by the distraction exercise isn't being done that much. But I have a class presentation on Thursday, so I'll probably be able to practice it.

I have one question though: I kind of got confused about the third exercise for this first week. Should we say the Thought Stoppage sentence before every Rational Coping Statements? Should we say it once and then move to saying the Rational Coping Statements we chose and then repeat this process? Also, on the audio tracks Dr. Richards talks about choosing between 3 or 4 Coping Statements, but on the handout it says 2 or 3, and he also doesn't talk about using Thought Stoppage before the Coping Statements on the audio version.

That's it, see ya!


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

I don't know why I can't edit my posts, but I forgot to say that I also sticked all the things I'm supposed to remember on the back of my door (so nobody else who lives with me sees it) and recorded me speaking the Thought Stoppage and Rational Coping Sentences so I can listen to them whenever I have the chance or when I really need them, but can't say them out loud. I've used the program Audacity to record it, it has some really great noisy removal capabilities . I'm also using the site/app HabitRPG to keep track of my goals and achievements.


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

*06/27
*So, I've been a little too busy to post here (or maybe I'm just don't know how to manage my time ), but I'll try to summarize what happened to me since my last post.

I had a presentation o Thursday, but the presentation was only to the professor, no more students on the class, and we kind of decided to let one of the girls, who didn't work as much as the rest o the group, do the job of presenting our project. So in the ending it wasn't something socially pressuring on my end.

My vacation began after this presentation and I drank too much and blacked out for the first time of my life, not something to be proud about, but my friends told me I didn't do anything crazy, only vomited a little, talked a little and then slept (I also said to a girl I wanted to **** her, but I'm glad she didn't hear it / didn't understand (she was Korean) / didn't care about it). The days after I felt like the biggest piece of **** of the world and began apologizing for everybody. Sadly, because of the strong hangover the next day, I couldn't go to a farewell party with my Taekwondo Club (although I'm not sure If I'd have the courage to go to this party, since I only went to one of the trainings, and I to one trip of two days to a house next to the the mountains, which made me feel like **** for not having be able to socialize, while my other two Brazilian friends where doing just fine), so I lost one more opportunity to socialize / feel some progress.

After my vacation began I've been exposed to even less social events. The only "happening" that happened recently was someone who came live in my apartment for some days. I felt a little unconfortable at first, but he's my friend's friend and has some similar interest with me, so I'm getting comfortable with him.

Aside from all this, I think I've noticed more my "Automatic Negative Thinking", and that they happen specially when my friends go out without me and I begin thinking how well they are doing socially, how much more Korean girls they are able to meet or sleep with or stuff like that. I also notice that I also think negatively when (or maybe not think at all, just freeze) I don't allow myself to make mistakes while trying to use the Korean I know to communicate with a native. I remember that two days ago, I was eating out with my friends, and, after ordering, the food was taking too long to be prepared. My friends asked me to ask the waiter about the food, and I just lied, telling I didn't know how to, even though I was sure I knew at least how to ask "Is the food that we ordered still being prepared?, but was afraid to speak it wrongly, or maybe the guy would respond in a way I couldn't understand, so I just pretended not to know.

I'm not sure if using the "Negative Thought Stoppage" and distractions for just feeling uncomfortable in a social situation, without having actually verbalized any negative thinking myself will do me any good, but I'm doing any way. Even when I walk outside home and feel uncomfortable (without actually verbalizing it on my mind) for thinking that people are watching how weird I walk, how strange my arms are or something like that, I try to use the "Negative Thought Stoppage".

One doubt that I have is: Should "Slow-Talk" be just the way I normally speak, but a little slow or as slow as Dr. Richards speaks while reading the handouts? I'm asking this, because I speak REALLY quickly, so, just as slight reduction of my speaking rhythm would still make me sound like a nervous person speaking. Maybe I should do slow talk in a talk rhythm that I think would be slow enough for someone normal? I think Dr. Richards talks too slowly.

That's about it, thank you.


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

*06/30
*
Just one quick update about some questions and feelings that I have been having:

The relaxing tapes are reaaaalyyyyy boring, it takes more than one hour for both tapes and it's one of the things I'm struggling the most doing. I've done they everyday so far, but I think I'll put them as the last thing on my routine to do, so that I don't keep pushing all the exercises until the end of the day so to avoid the relaxation part.

Also, regarding the "Slow-Talking". I noticed that, when trying to speak to someone with "Slow-Talk", my thoughts still rush, even though I speak slowly. It's kind of uncomfortable, but I think I'll get used to it. Therefore, I think that also training "Slow-Talk" by reading silently (not out-loud, like I always do, more than the 10 minutes recommend, I must add) could help me to slow my thoughts a little more.


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## ShyForeigner (May 31, 2014)

*07/06
*Just came here to say that I'm feeling pretty ****ty. I'll begin my 3rd week only tomorrow.

The reason why I'm feeling ****ty is because today I, one more time, felt jealousy towards one of my friends. He's like my best friend here in Korea and he lives in the same apartment with me. He was a little drunk and brought a girl with him, and was talking with her. I feel really jealous when I see people succeeding doing stuff I'd love to be able to do, and on top of that I feel **** as ****, because I was wishing my friend wouldn't be able to take this girl to bed. I'm feeling like the biggest piece of **** in the world to ever wish that something good not happen to a friend, I hate myself for doing that, but I still do


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