# Is 2 years in psych hospital a turnoff?



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

12 years ago I spent 2 years locked up in a psych hospital. I only had a misdemeanor simple assault charge against me. The stay was so long because the shrinks insisted I take antipsychotics and I refused. They took me to court to get an order to force drug me and lost. They appealed that decision and lost. So after 2 years they let me go. 

I kept my incarceration secret for almost a year. People were wondering what happened to me. After a while I got sick of it and tried to use some political pressure to get out. I told my story to a reporter and it was published a few times on the front page of a local newspaper. 

I tgought after 12 years a lot of people wouldn't know about it. But recently I found out that many people did know. People love to talk about these things. Now I am wondering if the reason I can't get any woman to go out with me is because they think I am some kind of potential psycho. I'm not. I never took or needed any antipsychotic medication. But of course people probably don't know that part. All they here is that I was locked up in an insane asylum.


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## britisharrow (Jun 18, 2009)

I was in one for two weeks. Two years is rare these days.

The only people who will know you were there are people around the area. So if you go relocate further away you will not be hindered by your past.


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

I agree with britisharrow, you will have to relocate. 
People love to gossip and if they KNOW it's true, they won't let it go.

It must have been tough for you being locked up? I suppose you were very young too. 

A friend of mine ended up in a psych ward for 2 wks because she had some kind of psychotic episode. I visited her twice, it was very depressing place as expected. She was heavily drugged the first time and not very lucid, the next visit she was her old self again. 

I think most people are understanding to a degree, but it just takes a couple of a**holes or b*tches to make life hell. 

And they think they're 'normal'. :roll


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

two years in a psych wards raises a lot of flags to a potential partner.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would not say that this would be a turnoff, but it would have to be discussed in your relationships.


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## timmytim7 (Feb 15, 2009)

are people gossiping about you then? do you live in a small town?

there is dating website for mentally ill people (or formerly), so you could try that?

or, date people but don't tell them your real name? or is that too sneaky?


tim


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

if it were discussed openly and honestly, I would not consider it a turnoff. But then, my younger brother was sent to a psych ward for a short while, and I've done a lot of reading about these things, plus I consider myself fairly open minded, so I would say conditions have to be right. You can never know for sure how people will react to these things. Like everything else, if you want something, you have to be willing to take a chance. Several times.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

nubly said:


> two years in a psych wards raises a lot of flags to a potential partner.


I would have to agree with that. Right or wrong, I think that is how most would see it.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Thanks for the replies. I was hoping the fact that I fought and got released without taking any medication would count in my favor. But I guess not. I guess people figure I actually AM on antipsychotic medication and am just lying about it. But I did get the story published in the newspaper - front page.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

wow, thats awful. 
people can be idiots about this stuff, for sure, and i think being open and honest about it is the best option. of course, you have to prepare for negative judgments from people but that's to be expected. i stayed in the psychiatric ward a couple times and have known many others who have so i know plenty about it and i wouldn't consider it a turn-off. since i know how people can react, as much as i'm open about this with a few people in my life and how i don't think i feel shame.. i otherwise keep everything about my mental illnesses, medication, hospital stays, etc, completely private.
i was on an anti-psychotic for almost three years (stopped recently) and i'd probably never use that term for that med if i was talking about it with someone (unless they were somewhat educated on what it actually does).


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I think it would be turnoff if the women were misinformed about it. If it is brought up, then you could explain the real reasoning and that would most likely help a lot.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

nubly said:


> two years in a psych wards raises a lot of flags to a potential partner.


Unfortunately, I have to agree. Two days is enough to raise a single red flag. Two years raises a whole parade of flags.

IMO I would move somewhere else where I could have a fresh start.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I wouldn't consider it a turn-off, but I suspect I'm in the minority.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Unfortunately, I am going to agree with the 'move somewhere else' advice.

Let me give you an example. I remember once I had a crush on this girl. We talked a lot, and she revealed quite a lot about herself. Like the fact that she used to carry a knife with her to school everyday.

Now, of course, she never used it, or threatened anyone with it.. but .. that is the sort of thing that would raise eyebrows. Me, well i stilll have a crush on her.

My point is, even if it is likely that you may find many of us here on S.A. quite sympathetic to your history .. most well adjusted people aren't. If people already don't have patience for us shy people, why should we expect them to have patience for a man who spent 2 years on the psych ward ?

I work in a hospital, and I hear how people talk about psychiatric patients.

You have to get somewhere where you can be annoymous. Somewhere where people will see who you *are*, before knowing who you* were*.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Yes, two years in a psyce ward, regardless of the reason you were there, is going to raise some prospective mate eyebrows. It sounds like you live in a relatively small community. Have you considered moving?


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## britisharrow (Jun 18, 2009)

What exactly do you have to do to get two years in a psychiatric ward? Maybe it's a different system in your country, but they try and keep them OUT of the wards here because people become institutionalised. The policy here is now 'care in community.'

Very, very few people are in mental wards for two years here, the last thing the doctors want is another bed used up and another case. And the doctors here are as tough as nails, maybe that's because we have a public health system in the UK. But getting IN to a psychiatric ward here is harder than getting OUT.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yes, out of curiousity what kind of ward was it, what kind of treatment were they attempting? when i think about it, i've known people who have done long-term hospital stays where they were there for almost a year or so. these were people with severe mental illnesses (depression, bipolar, schizophrenia), whose normal treatment was constantly failing them as they were still encountering debilitating episodes. my doctor even suggested i try that out if it came to that point (thankfully not). i really don't judge those people badly since they needed that medical attention and it aided them in learning appropriate skills to cope in real life, but it sounds like your case was quite different.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure two years locked in the loony bin would be deemed a turn off by most.

I assume you must live in a small town if people can actually recall what happened with you more than a decade ago.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I don't care anymore. I'm never getting a gf or getting married anyway. I like being alone. 

And I have been talking to reporters again. The whole story is out in the news. They cut the one program in that hospital that was good - because of corruption and incompetance by the hospital administration. Now I'm the little guy fighting the big bad mental health system again.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

Not anymore. I've met a few people who have ended up in them through drug addiction and stuff. It was a total shock, as they're so 'normal.' Grouped with how mentally messed up I am, I've become pretty open-minded with mental health.

I'd probably want to hear why they were in there. If it was because they have psychopathic tendencies, then I'd definitely be turned off (even though I know they can't help it).


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

CeilingStarer said:


> Not anymore. I've met a few people who have ended up in them through drug addiction and stuff. It was a total shock, as they're so 'normal.' Grouped with how mentally messed up I am, I've become pretty open-minded with mental health.
> 
> I'd probably want to hear why they were in there. If it was because they have psychopathic tendencies, then I'd definitely be turned off (even though I know they can't help it).


The problem is that so many people lie about things. I knew one guy who was in there and he seemed normal enough. But when he finally told me the deal I found that he was hearing voices and thought that he had had a tramsmitter placed in his head by the army when he was in the service. He wasn't really dangerous though, so they let him go after 8 months of forced druggings that didn't help.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

I actually hung out with a girl for a little while who told me she was in a mental hospital for a week. In spite of my SA, it did change how I thought about her.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Rasputin_1 said:


> I actually hung out with a girl for a little while who told me she was in a mental hospital for a week. In spite of my SA, it did change how I thought about her.


How so? After what I have been through with my SA, it actually would affect me they way it would have before. I have never been institutionalized, but I can only imagine what people who have have had to go through.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

don't tell to anyone about this


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Rasputin_1 said:


> I actually hung out with a girl for a little while who told me she was in a mental hospital for a week. In spite of my SA, it did change how I thought about her.


Are you sure it was just a week? I guess I could lie and tell people it was only ONE year. lol. It was really 2 years and 2 weeks.


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## NervousInDublin (Feb 19, 2010)

I haven't read the whole thread.

but how are you now?

From what I can observe about the current world we live in
If someone gets cancer (or other bodily illness) and recovers from it, they get praise for being brave.

If someone recovers from a mental health problem, they get stigmatised their whole life.​It shouldn't be that way but from what I hear you saying it is, people are talking about it.

Why do you want to be alone? I'm sure thats just your SA/depression talking.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

NervousInDublin said:


> I haven't read the whole thread.
> 
> but how are you now?
> 
> ...


I'm the same as I was before. I got railroaded into the hospital. I only had anxiety. But a child molester at my old high school called up the mental health crisis people and said I was delusional. When I punched the jerk I got sent to the hospital where they tried to force drug me with antipsychotics. The court battles took 2 years but I won. They let me go. But lots of people know about it. I still have anxiety.

Why do I want to be alone? People can be a pain. They have never been good to me. That's why I have the anxiety. As I get older I may be turning schizoid.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> How so? After what I have been through with my SA, it actually would affect me they way it would have before. I have never been institutionalized, but I can only imagine what people who have have had to go through.


Well after she told me about that and the reasons she was in there and what not I started noticing things about her. She was pretty unstable. I can empathize with her and were still friends and I want the best for her but where i am right now dealing with my own stuff I kinda gotta look out for number one. Its not like we were a couple I found out and dumped her, more like we stopped a casual dating relationship and are kind of friends.



scarpia said:


> Are you sure it was just a week? I guess I could lie and tell people it was only ONE year. lol. It was really 2 years and 2 weeks.


No this was before I met her, no way to know if shes telling the truth or not. I never would have known if she did not tell me so im inclined to take her at her word.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

scarpia said:


> 12 years ago I spent 2 years locked up in a psych hospital. I only had a misdemeanor simple assault charge against me. The stay was so long because the shrinks insisted I take antipsychotics and I refused. They took me to court to get an order to force drug me and lost. They appealed that decision and lost. So after 2 years they let me go.
> 
> I kept my incarceration secret for almost a year. People were wondering what happened to me. After a while I got sick of it and tried to use some political pressure to get out. I told my story to a reporter and it was published a few times on the front page of a local newspaper.
> 
> I tgought after 12 years a lot of people wouldn't know about it. But recently I found out that many people did know. People love to talk about these things. Now I am wondering if the reason I can't get any woman to go out with me is because they think I am some kind of potential psycho. I'm not. I never took or needed any antipsychotic medication. But of course people probably don't know that part. All they here is that I was locked up in an insane asylum.


are you leonardo dicaprio by any chance? j/k

no its not a turn off


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## Smitten (Oct 30, 2006)

I was in for five days or so . I watched Spongebob on cable. It was good to be waited on.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

scarpia said:


> .. I got railroaded into the hospital...


I wouldn't have understood this before, but this happened to my friend too. It sounds surprisingly easy to be sent there if you have had any prior mental health issues (I don't mean SA..).


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## ThatWierdGuy (Feb 20, 2010)

scarpia said:


> 12 years ago I spent 2 years locked up in a psych hospital. I only had a misdemeanor simple assault charge against me. The stay was so long because the shrinks insisted I take antipsychotics and I refused. They took me to court to get an order to force drug me and lost. They appealed that decision and lost. So after 2 years they let me go.
> 
> I kept my incarceration secret for almost a year. People were wondering what happened to me. After a while I got sick of it and tried to use some political pressure to get out. I told my story to a reporter and it was published a few times on the front page of a local newspaper.
> 
> I tgought after 12 years a lot of people wouldn't know about it. But recently I found out that many people did know. People love to talk about these things. Now I am wondering if the reason I can't get any woman to go out with me is because they think I am some kind of potential psycho. I'm not. I never took or needed any antipsychotic medication. But of course people probably don't know that part. All they here is that I was locked up in an insane asylum.


I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Yes. But, most people have secrets that would be a turn-off if revealed too early. It is best to bring this up later in the relationship. Most couples reveal their skeletons later on anyway, once trust has been established.

I hate to get bogged down in semantics, but there is no such thing as a misdemeanor assault charge. People don't throw prisoners in psych hospitals for no reason. Plus, people who have an assault charge don't simply get out with "political pressure". And the last thing they do is prescribe antipsychotics to someone that is only distressed, they had to have done it for a reason. No psych hospital in history would get away with holding someone that wasn't mentally ill! It would get national attention, perhaps even global. Why have I not heard of it?

And so I am perplexed by the holes in your story. This will certainly come off as sarcastic, but it is genuinely sincere. Are you sure there was no truth to their diagnosis?


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

NervousInDublin said:


> From what I can observe about the current world we live in
> If someone gets cancer (or other bodily illness) and recovers from it, they get praise for being brave.
> 
> If someone recovers from a mental health problem, they get stigmatised their whole life.​


Yeah this upsets me. I look at it much like I would a physical problem, I've said that before. I mean, if my loved ones is unwell mentally, I wouldn't judge him, and I don't think anyone else should, any more than if he had broken his leg or got a disease! I just want him to get better!

Also, okay, this was too long, but I have a loved one who has had a few psychotic episodes and was in the psych ward for them. So while if I say those things, it might sound bad, this person actually is a real joy (except when he want us to drive him all over the earth LOL), a person with a great sense of humour who adores his child, and someone with whom i've had tons of fun over the years.


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## SilverNova (Mar 19, 2010)

It wouldn't be a turn off but if they needed medication I'd have to trust them and talk with them to make sure they took it. I think I read right saying you weren't on meds? If it's a small town I'd relocate. Screw people and their gossip. I suspect it will only make your SA worse if you stay. 

Imo, I'd just have to be informed and talk about it. No need to make a bigger issue out of it than it is. I mean really it was 12 years ago.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Move, destroy any traces of your old life, start over.

That or don't mention it at 1st like people said.

Or just keep it a secret, but then you'll keep thinking about it.


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## adsf321dsa (Dec 4, 2008)

To put it frankly: Yes, it's a turnoff if you just volunteer that sort of personal information to anyone you meet. It's just like meeting someone and running down a laundry list of everyone you ever slept with. Reserve that information for someone whom you've grown to be extremely comfortable with...someone who understands and cares about you. 
Telling your life story on a first date may not make someone think you're crazy, but it will make you look desparate for attention. You should just keep some things to yourself.


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