# Finally said "no" to someone - AKA I wasn't a people pleaser for once.



## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

AND it was at work! To a manager! Normally when they ask me to close with them, which would have me there till 1:30 am+, I agree to it no matter how tired I am or how I'm feeling because I am too afraid that I will displease them and make them not like me, or in this case that I will get fired if I don't do what they want me to do. But after coming in early yesterday and working till close for the same manager when I was supposed to get off at 10 I wasn't about to do that today. So when I was asked I said no and felt no anxiety about it. The manager accepted it and let me leave my scheduled leaving time


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## MikeinNirvana (Dec 2, 2012)

The manager probably was stunned for a second 
Oh shoot she just spoke!  

But she..
She...
She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Waiting for a sign
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

Are you locked up in a world
That's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?
Scream at me until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you

She...
She's figured out
All her doubts were someone else's point of view
Waking up this time
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

WOoooooooo


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## jessabones (Jun 25, 2013)

Good for you!  I have a friend who could take notes, she can never say no to someone without thinking they are going to dislike her for whatever reason. :/


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Def. 

I need to learn to do it also.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

That's right! Sometimes we just care too much ! I have to practice my "No's" though, sick of accepting drawing requests from friends and relatives hahahaha.


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## Haven49 (Jun 16, 2013)

Good job!! "No" can be such a hard word to say sometimes, but you did it once you can do it again! 
And to jessabones, your moving smileys after your answer are really clever, i like them


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Good for you. Learning to tell people "no" is hard, especially when you always feel guilty. But the sense of self respect that you get from finally doing what is best for you is worth it.


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## MoonlitMadness (Mar 11, 2013)

Well done


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Excellent work "no" seems to be the equivalent of swearing because I have an extremely hard time saying "no". I really can't say "no" in a direct manner it always have to sound wishy washy or I follow it up with an excuse


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## Kimonosan (Jun 5, 2013)

That is great news! I need to take a page out of your book then and be able to do that at my work too. Saying no has roped me into 40 hours this week...as opposed to like 15


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## GaaraAgain (Oct 10, 2011)

Congrats on being able to do that! It's really rough to put yourself first when you're a people pleaser.

I came to the realization last night that I people please in a super unhealthy manner, so I checked out some links. Idk if this'll help anyone here, but they have some good things to keep in mind:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/21-tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/all/1/

http://www.elevatedexistence.com/blog/2013/02/27/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/

Hope you can continue doing what's best for you, ericalynn


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## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

Thanks everyone! I'm really pleased with myself. I have to draw a line, or else they will expect it of me every time they ask or call me to come into work on my days off. I'm all for helping them out but they seem to take advantage of it. I'm not okay with that. I know I'm there to work for them, but there's a certain point where they just can't expect me to always be working for them. I need my free time and I need time to rest. They're working me really close to overtime or actually going into overtime and I spend most of my day before work asleep. I don't really do much besides work anymore :/ It helps that they all seem to really like me, I guess. I can get away with not agreeing to do stuff all the time. The only reason I work so much is because, and I quote this as accurately as I can from a couple different managers, "the other cashiers have no idea what they're doing. I need you."


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## MikeinNirvana (Dec 2, 2012)

ericalynnxx said:


> Thanks everyone! I'm really pleased with myself. I have to draw a line, or else they will expect it of me every time they ask or call me to come into work on my days off. I'm all for helping them out but they seem to take advantage of it. I'm not okay with that. I know I'm there to work for them, but there's a certain point where they just can't expect me to always be working for them. I need my free time and I need time to rest. They're working me really close to overtime or actually going into overtime and I spend most of my day before work asleep. I don't really do much besides work anymore :/ It helps that they all seem to really like me, I guess. I can get away with not agreeing to do stuff all the time. The only reason I work so much is because, and I quote this as accurately as I can from a couple different managers, "the other cashiers have no idea what they're doing. *I need you*."


awww how cute!


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## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

MikeinNirvana said:


> awww how cute!


It's not "cute" to me so much as just really reassuring... they must like me. Even if I said no to them.


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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

My co-workers always call or text me when someone calls off and tell me not to go in to work. 

"X called off tonight, and if you go in I am going to stab you."

"but...but...I am so poor!"

You are completely right though, once you make a habit of it you will be expected to always do it, so you have to be comfortable saying no thank you.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

That's awesome to hear good for you girly!


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## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

Implicate said:


> My co-workers always call or text me when someone calls off and tell me not to go in to work.
> 
> "X called off tonight, and if you go in I am going to stab you."
> 
> ...


All I need to do now is say no to coming in on a day off and I will probably be much more comfortable about it. Idk, I feel more guilty about trying to say no to that than to saying no to staying longer than I'm supposed to be there.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

ericalynnxx said:


> AND it was at work! To a manager! Normally when they ask me to close with them, which would have me there till 1:30 am+, I agree to it no matter how tired I am or how I'm feeling because I am too afraid that I will displease them and make them not like me, or in this case that I will get fired if I don't do what they want me to do. But after coming in early yesterday and working till close for the same manager when I was supposed to get off at 10 I wasn't about to do that today. So when I was asked I said no and felt no anxiety about it. The manager accepted it and let me leave my scheduled leaving time





FoundAndLost said:


> Good for you. Learning to tell people "no" is hard, especially when you always feel guilty. But the sense of self respect that you get from finally doing what is best for you is worth it.


It's all about boundaries. There are times when it is okay to say no. If things are really bad and they ask you stay, and you are up to it, then you can do it.


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## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> It's all about boundaries. There are times when it is okay to say no. If things are really bad and they ask you stay, and you are up to it, then you can do it.


I know. I would never not stay if they absolutely needed me. I was just so tired, and knew I'd have to work till close every other day I was working this week and would go into mad overtime. Which isn't bad for me money wise, but it would be exhausting for me and bad for them cuz they'd have to pay me more. Plus I don't want to be there any longer than I have to be


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I'm a people pleaser too. I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with another people pleaser. 

I'm learning to say no too.


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## ericalynnxx (Jun 5, 2013)

AngelClare said:


> I'm a people pleaser too. I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with another people pleaser.
> 
> I'm learning to say no too.


Probably problematic. I have issues saying no to my boyfriend about certain things that fill me with lots of anxiety (mostly just social situations or things I think would embarrass me like for example one time he wanted me to jump into this convertible his friend owns but people were nearby and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it and embarrass myself) but I'm learning to be more firm about my "no"s and not do everything he asks of me because I deserve to be comfortable, no matter if it would please him.

I hope you're successful in your attempts to learn to say no to people


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