# Is losing virginity to an unrequited love worth it



## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Sooooo, I love this girl a lot.I want to be in a relationship with her, but she tells me she isn't ready.Finally, now i'm in the process of trying to find out if she wud wanna be with me once she IS READY for a relationship.If her answer is no, then i need to start the healing process of mending a broken heart back together,getting my mind off her and moving on with my life.BUT, here is the point of this thread.I'm a 29yo virgin and I know she would be most likely willing to have sex with me once she gets her apartment this month.What should I do?I'm gettin to the point where I really wanna lose my virginity.But, I'm thinking that having sex with her could just deepen my feelings for her and the hurt i wud feel if she never wants to be more than friends with me.

My question is, If your a 29 yo virgin wud it be stupid to have sex with an unrequited love just to lose ur virginity to someone you feel passionate about?Or would having sex with the person only crush ur heart even more in the long run cos you know the romantic feelings aren't mutual?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

the collector said:


> Sooooo, I love this girl a lot.I want to be in a relationship with her, but she tells me she isn't ready.Finally, now i'm in the process of trying to find out if she wud wanna be with me once she IS READY for a relationship.If her answer is no, then i need to start the healing process of mending a broken heart back together,getting my mind off her and moving on with my life.BUT, here is the point of this thread.I'm a 29yo virgin and I know she would be most likely willing to have sex with me once she gets her apartment this month.What should I do?I'm gettin to the point where I really wanna lose my virginity.But, I'm thinking that having sex with her could just deepen my feelings for her and the hurt i wud feel if she never wants to be more than friends with me.
> 
> My question is, If your a 29 yo virgin wud it be stupid to have sex with an unrequited love just to lose ur virginity to someone you feel passionate about?Or would having sex with the person only crush ur heart even more in the long run cos you know the romantic feelings aren't mutual?


It would make things worse if you did it. There's more to sex than the physical act. This is not your "last chance" so don't treat it like it is.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> It would make things worse if you did it. There's more to sex than the physical act. This is not your "last chance" so don't treat it like it is.


I second that, if you feel like you will regret sonethig before you even do it, you probably will


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I say go for it. You get some stank on your hang low and it gives you a nice confidence boost. Just don't expect a relationship out of it and try to manage your expectations when it comes to that.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I can see both sides of the coin here. Right now I'd probably say don't do it, but if you do decide to, have no expectations of a relationship. At all. Harden your heart toward her. It may work if you're able to do that.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Honestly, I wouldn't go for it. Having sex with her isn't going to make things better and most likely won't make her change her mind about you. If she says no, she probably means no. Women always say they aren't ready for a relationship. That's what my unrequited love told me before I told her. A week later, she got into a relationship with a guy. Women just say things like that to soften the blow.

You are just going to make yourself worse by doing this with her, so for now I recommend you just stay away from it. I have no experience with this, but I already know that losing your virginity to someone who doesn't like you is probably going to make you feel a lot worse than being a virgin ever made you feel.


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## laura1991 (Apr 12, 2012)

the collector said:


> Sooooo, I love this girl a lot.I want to be in a relationship with her, but she tells me she isn't ready.Finally, now i'm in the process of trying to find out if she wud wanna be with me once she IS READY for a relationship.If her answer is no, then i need to start the healing process of mending a broken heart back together,getting my mind off her and moving on with my life.BUT, here is the point of this thread.I'm a 29yo virgin and I know she would be most likely willing to have sex with me once she gets her apartment this month.What should I do?I'm gettin to the point where I really wanna lose my virginity.But, I'm thinking that having sex with her could just deepen my feelings for her and the hurt i wud feel if she never wants to be more than friends with me.
> 
> My question is, If your a 29 yo virgin wud it be stupid to have sex with an unrequited love just to lose ur virginity to someone you feel passionate about?Or would having sex with the person only crush ur heart even more in the long run cos you know the romantic feelings aren't mutual?


I think you should really wait and see. I know you can't wait forever, but maybe if you know for sure how she feels about you, you will have more closure, which helps in deciding what to do from that point.

If she _does_ want a relationship with you, but you had sex before finding out, then you might regret it. On the other hand, if she _doesnt_ want a relationship and you wait to have sex, than your still in a better place psychologically.

I guess it really depends on what she wants, and if shes really going to let you know sooner than later.

I know it may be different for a guy, but as a girl, losing something like your virginity is a big thing for most, and losing it to the wrong person I think is still worse than not losing it at the "right time".


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## missingno (Sep 29, 2011)

Your 29 just wait until you are 30 so you can become a wizard


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

rymo said:


> I say go for it. You get some stank on your hang low and it gives you a nice confidence boost. Just don't expect a relationship out of it and try to manage your expectations when it comes to that.


 You might also get some STD on your appendage or a phone call in nine months.



srschirm said:


> I can see both sides of the coin here. Right now I'd probably say don't do it, but if you do decide to, have no expectations of a relationship. At all. Harden your heart toward her. It may work if you're able to do that.


Hardening of the heart may not be possible.


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

Never turn down a chance to have sex.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Get laid and lose your virginity, its better than doing that with some random. Just expect things to go sour if she doesn't want a relationship. The only way I'd say not to go for it is if she is a REALLY good friend that you don't wanna lose. But if you see her go out with some other guy, you will prolly lose her as a friend anyways cause it will hurt too much to be around her so.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> You might also get some STD on your appendage or a phone call in nine months.


Nah, he just needs to use protection on his appendage and he'll be fine.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

rymo said:


> Nah, he just needs to use protection on his appendage and he'll be fine.


Would you want to risk it breaking?


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> Would you want to risk it breaking?


I guess you could choose not to walk out your front door because of the risk of being hit by a bus too.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> Would you want to risk it breaking?


Personally if the girl is on birth control and I trusted her I wouldn't even use protection.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Dr House said:


> I guess you could choose not to walk out your front door because of the risk of being hit by a bus too.


Nope, that's safer than having to take care of a kid for 18 years or medication for a lifetime with someone when "it's a night of passion, but the morning means goodbye - beware of what is flashing her e-eyes, she's gonna getcha! All that she wants is another ba-beh, she's GONE TOMORROW!"


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

JGreenwood said:


> Never turn down a chance to have sex.


^^^This guy knows whats up.

I say go for it, and if you do a good job maybe just maybe she will fall in love with you. Did you think about that??


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

50piecesteve said:


> ^^^This guy knows whats up.
> 
> I say go for it, and if you do a good job maybe just maybe she will fall in love with you. Did you think about that??


Please don't get his hopes up...it's much safer to manage his expectations on this one.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

rymo said:


> Please don't get his hopes up...it's much safer to manage his expectations on this one.


well sorry, just go for it dude, you might kick yourself later if you dont


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

50piecesteve said:


> well sorry, just go for it dude, you might kick yourself later if you dont


He might kick himself later if he does!


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Screw being afraid. Don't we spend enough time being afraid? Be smart about it and stop asking _what if_.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

MM75, you seem to think that every time someone has sex that they will get an STD..you seem to always mention that well that is false if they use protection. Using a condom correctly is about 98% effective combine that with the woman using birth control which is about 99% effective taken correctly I think people are good to go with that.

Yea it could happen someone will get STD but hey people take risks every day like driving for example. I mean really.

I have had sex plenty of times and I haven't gotten an STD..I could be lucky but who knows.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

If she were as crazy about you as you are about her, she would've started a relationship with you; she would feel ready because her emotions are strong enough. I say have sex with her if you can deal with the fact that she will most likely never start a relationship with you. Otherwise, don't do it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

millenniumman75 said:


> Hardening of the heart may not be possible.


Yeah that's why I'm torn on the issue.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

rymo said:


> Personally if the girl is on birth control and I trusted her I wouldn't even use protection.


I wouldn't do that if I were you.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

srschirm said:


> I wouldn't do that if I were you.


I'm not saying OP should do that, but personally I don't use condoms when the girl is on birth control (which a lot of girls are) and when I know them well enough. If it is a one-night stand (not that I have had more than 1 of those), condoms of course would be used.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

rymo said:


> I'm not saying OP should do that, but personally I don't use condoms when the girl is on birth control (which a lot of girls are) and when I know them well enough. If it is a one-night stand (not that I have had more than 1 of those), condoms of course would be used.


Good that you use them for one-nighters, but I still wouldn't recommend taking that second step, even for those you trust.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

ive only used a condom once out of 100+ times and have been perfectly fine..........**** condoms


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

50piecesteve said:


> ive only used a condom once out of 100+ times and have been perfectly fine..........**** condoms


The term "Devil on your shoulder" should be changed to "50piecesteve on your shoulder"


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

EastWinds said:


> The term "Devil on your shoulder" should be changed to "50piecesteve on your shoulder"


:evil


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

meganmila said:


> MM75, you seem to think that every time someone has sex that they will get an STD..you seem to always mention that well that is false if they use protection. Using a condom correctly is about 98% effective combine that with the woman using birth control which is about 99% effective taken correctly I think people are good to go with that.
> 
> Yea it could happen someone will get STD but hey people take risks every day like driving for example. I mean really.
> 
> I have had sex plenty of times and I haven't gotten an STD..I could be lucky but who knows.


Well, some of them little critters are undetectable until it's too late. Once you get one, there is no turning back.

People have lost body parts over STDs and even died. I'm not sayin' this lady has any, but the chances are higher if there has been hanky panky with multiple partners. You sleep with her OP, and you sleep with everyone she has been with, including Trojan Man.

Unfortunately, I do watch MTv even though there are no videos on.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Thanks for all the replies....

And about condom use....doesn't sex feel better without a condom...i definitely want my first time to feel as good as possible.....


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

the collector said:


> Thanks for all the replies....
> 
> And about condom use....doesn't sex feel better without a condom...i definitely want my first time to feel as good as possible.....


After reading your original post, I was going to say DO IT because that's how I lost my virginity (to a random nobody, I didn't want to be a 20 year old virgin), but after reading this, I'm going with sex ed first, sexual intercourse second. lol


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

calichick said:


> After reading your original post, I was going to say DO IT because that's how I lost my virginity (to a random nobody, I didn't want to be a 20 year old virgin),* but after reading this, I'm going with sex ed first, sexual intercourse second*. lol


Preach it.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the collector said:


> Thanks for all the replies....
> 
> And about condom use....doesn't sex feel better without a condom...i definitely want my first time to feel as good as possible.....


Well make sure for both of you two get tested then.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

^
Well, if i ask her if she has anything (stds) and she says no...then i don't think i wud use a condom....or is that stupid?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

the collector said:


> Thanks for all the replies....
> 
> And about condom use....doesn't sex feel better without a condom...i definitely want my first time to feel as good as possible.....


AHAHAHAH I love it. To play devil's advocate though, you'll probably last 3 seconds your first time so a condom would make things last a bit longer. That or you will be so nervous you won't even feel anything anyway so a condom wouldn't really change much in that regard.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

calichick said:


> After reading your original post, I was going to say DO IT because that's how I lost my virginity (to a random nobody, I didn't want to be a 20 year old virgin), but after reading this, I'm going with sex ed first, sexual intercourse second. lol


TRUE. Please used a condom!


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the collector said:


> ^
> Well, if i ask her if she has anything (stds) and she says no...then i don't think i wud use a condom....or is that stupid?


Pretty much yeah..you can't trust someones word.


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## MyJoy (Dec 9, 2011)

Dude, don't boink her. :/ Not worth it.


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## LittleBearBrah (Feb 2, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> He might kick himself later if he does!


I agree. I've turned it down. Still on dat v-card. Regret not even once. 








Please stay safe OP.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

GoldenBear said:


> I agree. I've turned it down. Still on dat v-card. Regret not even once.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't want to end up on the Maury show down the road.

"yeah, we shooped and I carried yo babeh - I poked a HOLE in dat condumb and I lahed when I told you I was on da pill. Now, I want my caaash muh-ee"


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

You should always wear a condom when having sex. It's like a rule.

As far as the girl goes, you should have sex with her.


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## Mirror (Mar 16, 2012)

Ansgar said:


> I say **** her (literally), you can't have it all. Deal with your "feelings" later.


I agree. ^

It's going to be emotionally bad either way. So why not have the sexperience under your belt now? You have the option now, who knows when it's going to come again.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Well a couple of my friends constantly complain about being lonely, and I used to say "well at least you get laid, I've never gotten laid" and they always say the same thing, which is "yeah I have sex, but it only makes me feel better for a little while. By the time I'm back in bed laying alone, all the hurt comes back (paraphrased)". Basically, if you go have sex with some chick just to do it, you're more than likely gonna still have that empty hole in your chest by the time it's all said and done.

If you don't feel you'll end up regretting it though, I would say go for it, for experience's sake. But like you said, if you already like her a lot, it's probably gonna deepen your emotional attachment, so...


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

sean88 said:


> Basically, if you go have sex with some chick just to do it, you're more than likely gonna still have that empty hole in your chest by the time it's all said and done.
> 
> ........if you already like her a lot, it's probably gonna deepen your emotional attachment, so...


Tru dat....tru dat.....


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

You're 29. Enjoy your youth and virility while you still have it. Also I think the emotional fallout you risk from sleeping with someone you care about is worth it compared to not sharing that bond with someone you care about at all.


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## TigerRifle1 (Jan 25, 2012)

If you think you are emotionally strong enough to separate your feelings from the act itself go for it. If not, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Mirror said:


> I agree. ^
> 
> It's going to be emotionally bad either way. So why not have the sexperience under your belt now? You have the option now, who knows when it's going to come again.


I'm too mad you said "sexperience" haha

On topic : Spend more time in yourself than on this thread. You will know your preferable choice in time.


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