# Controlling your anger



## ConfusedinPhilly (Aug 25, 2010)

This has become my major issue outside of my SA. Enough bad things will happen to me over a period of time and I will just snap. Punching out windows, being verbally abusive, threatening people, etc. When I was younger it was much worse and it went away for a while...but this past year it has returned. 

When I was taking meds I became very passive. I let people walk all over and treat me like garbage and I wouldn't flinch. I'd be dying a little inside but I'd give no reaction to the people who were bullying me or treating me terribly. This continued after I stopped taking the meds after my parents and therapist came to the conclusion that I had defeated my SA.

Something went off inside of me that made me very vengeance minded. I was leaner and stronger than ever and I decided to use my new found strength to get back at those who tormented me for years. I wanted my temper to take control because I was starting to enjoy the fear I put into people, even my friends and family.

For example my long time friend was egging me on after a long shift at work. I had missed a hockey game, I'm a huge Philadelphia Flyers fan, and my friend for whatever was teasing me about it. I told him to knock it off because I was not in the mood after a stressful day at work. He proceeded to up the ante with his insults and I just lost it. I took the lamp next to me and smashed it over his head and while he was on the ground I kicked him in the face a few times and stomped on his chest. He lost a few teeth and I broke his nose....we haven't spoken since, we had been buddies since grade school and I miss him.

There was also the co-worker who sucker punched me after I dropped his phone when I borrowed it to call my brother. I didn't want to get fired so I waited to get back. I found out where he lived thanks to facebook. I was going to attack him at night when he came home from work but I decided not to at the last moment so I came back around 3 am and smashed his car up with a bat and sped off before people on the block came outside.

If I don't break stuff or beat up people (which happens rarely even though I look for opportunities) I go on these very long obscenity laced tirades which I do find somewhat useful just to blow off steam.

I know it's bad and part of me hopes I become passive again (hopefully without the use of meds). But part of me likes that no one disrespects me anymore, atleast to my face. Over the past few months I've increased my usage of cigarettes and marijuana, which I also know is bad, but it's calmed me down a bit. Hopefully when classes begin this week my mind will be focused on too many other things to get angry.

Anyone else have a problem controlling their anger?


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## caesarea (Aug 20, 2009)

I definitely understand where you're coming from with being passive and then switching over to hurting people to get back some control. I can't say I've ever been physically violent, but I've been known to hurl some verbal abuse around. Usually at family and using whatever I know will hurt them the most. More often than not I'd like to put their faces through a window, but then cops would be involved and I'm terrified of cops.

You said when classes start, are you in college? If you can get some sort of therapy, or at least a few meetings with a counselor, maybe that'll help some? Living with that level of anger has to be exhausting.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Wow. :um
Most cases are not serious warrant action anywhere near that extreme. :hide


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## ConfusedinPhilly (Aug 25, 2010)

Yeah I'm a junior at Temple University in Philadelphia...just transferred in actually so I'm gonna do my best to hold back my anger so the new people I'll be meeting don't think I'm a nut job. 

I talked to my therapist a week ago to gameplan how I'm gonna end this issue and he lined up a counselor for me to speak to every two weeks. I speak to my dad over the phone every night so maybe that could help things also. I also stopped drinking five weeks ago to avoided the dreaded beer muscles. I intend on going the year without a drink...it'll be hard, but that's my goal.


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## radames (Jul 6, 2009)

It's also good to get into a gym and throw some weights around as well. I remember being so angry and annoyed with people that I decided that I would get into MMA in order to legally kick people's butts to get rid of the anger. I did pretty well for a bit but didn't need it much after I met my wife and got a different perspective on life.

It is tough when you aren't able to voice your frustrations, angers, and and annoyances to someone you can trust. I think this is why it is good to have another outlet for the anger and it is why I think that MMA gyms are the perfect places to kick butt and it be perfectly legal.


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## ConfusedinPhilly (Aug 25, 2010)

Cool idea, Radames. I was actually thinking of taking up boxing as a way to get out my anger.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I run - six miles four times a week.

Part of anxiety is the anger and mood swings. WIth all the thinking and analysis we do, it happens. Work on the thinking part which triggers the actions.


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## Robot the Human (Aug 20, 2010)

I agree with what radames has said. When I exercise regularly, this helped me out a lot and I could control myself like a normal person could. Anger almost wasn't on my radar anymore when I worked out 3-5 days a week.

If someone sucker punched me, it would take a miracle for me not to act within that very minute of time. I'd say great job there, and you have something to work with for sure. The tricky part is, do we hold the anger in and maybe unleash it ten fold later on? Do we just let go of it now, even though it could get us in trouble? It's hard to deal with.

I'm even trying meditation, and I feel this is helping me gradually. I would love to join some type of MA group if I wasn't so nervous and afraid to. I can almost guarantee that would fix me right up. My cousin has very, very, very! scary anger issues and I know for a fact he tops us both. He's taking a class and it's doing absolute wonders for him.

I've never hit anyone out of anger, and when I was younger I found out quickly that when I break my favorite stuff it makes me feel a whole lot worse. I don't break things anymore because of that.


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## eaglesgift (Aug 21, 2010)

I don't get violent but I'm good at "obscenity laced tirades". Unfortunately most of them are directed at my girlfriend and are usually over something trivial like her forgetting something small I had asked her to get me when she was in town.

I don't know if it's part of SA or a completely different problem but I completely lose control when I'm in full rant mode and feel really guilty afterwards.


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## kid a (Aug 26, 2010)

My mom sees all the anger i usually just keep trapped she says its not good and that i should take kickboxing with her?? i dont know how long thatd last but i no that i take it out on my bf alot an he probably thinks im crazy but whatever hes crazy also im glad to be around people who dont mind me lashing out from time to time because they know about my "issues"


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## radames (Jul 6, 2009)

Yeah, I remember my brother trashing my room when we were younger. I got home and saw the mess and I definitely lost my temper and did some extra thrashing and trashing in the room while hyperventilating and growling like an animal. I had a lot of really important stuff to me in that room and he let his "teenage rage" get the best of him making me the victim.

I was only visiting from college that day and no one else was home, but I couldn't really approach him about it because I don't like confrontations and he is never available to talk about things. He usually excuses it with some "laced with rage" comment that has no sense of respect or reason. Thereby I simply excused it as an immature act of a maddened brother not applicable to anything I did to him but for the lack of a father figure and being aware of my person being forced into that position by our mother. Yeah, a really "lovely" place to be in my life; completely lacking in pressure right?

Anyway, I spoke to him about this only a few years ago and he told me that he was dealing with a lot of anger and rage issues then. I suppose that was his apology. Anyway, I'm a very giving person, including offering compassion and mercy, in crazy situations like these but I have decided that it is too much of an "emotional and mental expense" for me to do this with every person I encounter in life; I would go crazy and would probably off myself.


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## Break (Aug 26, 2010)

Heh, I tend to slam doors and throw stuff around rarely if I get too angry. Sometimes I can be verbally abusive too, but I've been trying to control it lately.. I don't really like to hurt others.. It will only make me feel bad afterwards. :/


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## jessckuh (Jul 27, 2010)

I'm afraid of this for myself. I feel after I get over this I'll go brutally beat up and terrorize everyone that ever contributed to me becoming this way in the first place.

I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER GET LIKE THAT but rage is stronger than we think sometimes.


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

I never get angry. You guys probably wouldn't believe me, but honestly, I never do.
I just don't really see the point in it. My dad has the worst anger and he'll curse, scream, slam doors and kick things whenever something's bothering him and I'm just thinking to myself when he does these things "Yelling **** and **** a dozen times didn't fix that car."
I just think it's a bit of a childish emotion. I dislike anyone who gets angered easily.
Unfortunately my sister inherited my dad's anger problem. it's mild in comparison to our dad's but she still gets so upset and angry over the smallest things.

I get frustrated and sad sometimes. but I don't think all people who 'bottle it up' will eventually 'explode'.


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## milo001 (Nov 26, 2008)

I used to express my anger in a violent way like screaming,hitting,thrashing my sisters belongings and a few other ways.After learning dhamma i change a lot.This article is about anger on Buddhism point of view.

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/anger.htm


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I do get REALLY angry when I feel I've been mistreated, or lied to, by others. Some days I just snap and I just throw things or hit soft objects (so I don't break things) with a bat, and scream. First though I wait until no one's home to witness it.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Yeah man, I'm a ****ing psycho.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

I have anger problems as well.
I hate it!


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

^me too.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

Serenity now!!!


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## deedubbs (May 6, 2012)

caesarea said:


> I definitely understand where you're coming from with being passive and then switching over to hurting people to get back some control. I can't say I've ever been physically violent, but I've been known to hurl some verbal abuse around. Usually at family and using whatever I know will hurt them the most. More often than not I'd like to put their faces through a window, but then cops would be involved and I'm terrified of cops.
> 
> I do the same it sucks cause I don't know why I get so mad but I just do and on top of my s.a.d even if someone I think is looking at me wrong I will yell and cuse them out almost to the point where I attack them but it has not got to that point yet.:mum


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

Latley, I've been angry. I hate it. 

Often I have legitimate(sp) reasons to be angry, but I regret it when I act on my anger.

If someone says something derogatory to me once or twice I can take it but if they keep doing it I can't control my anger. 

At some point, you have to stick up for yourself, but you should only act out of violence in defense of violence.


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## Chpinnlr (May 12, 2012)

I used to love to slam doors, break stuff and punch walls! I had my testosterone levels checked and they we're really off, since I've started Hormone replacement my anger has really diminished, I still angry but it takes alot to push me over the edge into rage, it used to start in rage and get worse from there! The HRT has also helped with my depression and my anxiety to a point!


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## mvlgg (May 21, 2012)

I know exactly what you mean about the friend egging u on. i remember last year in biology my friend was practically yelling at me in the face over something on Wikipedia and he kept screaming it a me practically. i mean, he wasnt really yelling but it was loud and it was cauing attention, so i snapped and cussed him out super loud in front of every even the teacher i was so mortified after that i never get that angry. evenyone grew silent and i immediately apologized. gosh just thinking about that makes me so embarrassed hahahaahahaha.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Same here..I am having severe anger issues..like even when somebody asks me anything more than once..i feel like kicking them n punching their faces...

At work its the worst thing..i am sitching work sooner coz i cant bear the questions of clients..thats hallucinating


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

:yes


mvlgg said:


> I know exactly what you mean about the friend egging u on. i remember last year in biology my friend was practically yelling at me in the face over something on Wikipedia and he kept screaming it a me practically. i mean, he wasnt really yelling but it was loud and it was cauing attention, so i snapped and cussed him out super loud in front of every even the teacher i was so mortified after that i never get that angry. evenyone grew silent and i immediately apologized. gosh just thinking about that makes me so embarrassed hahahaahahaha.


 :yes 
I often yell at my collegues like this..


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Yup. I think everyone has a blowout once in a while, or some level of simmering to boiling rage. But man, guy who posted this thread, you make my tantrums look like a freakin tea party! Not to encourage more intense anger, but man.

I think the exercise or boxing that other suggested is a prime idea. Or what my mum used to do when I had "tantrums" was go in the bathroom and wait a few minutes depending on how severely I was acting out. Similarly, remove yourself from the target of your anger, take a few deep breaths, and seriously ask yourself how violence will only lead to ruining precious relationships. 

Another thing I do after some confinement is write music. Just find a hobby, and vent all your rage into that. Not only will your anger be neutralized, but by the end of it you'll have an end product, like a song or a poem or a piece of art, that says there's not always a bad side to anger. 

All you need is to find a constructive way to use your anger, not as a fuel for pain or revenge, but for venting your passion in a more creative/useful way.


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