# 100 exposure exercises



## mountain5

Well, this is it, I'm tired of waiting for things in my life to change, so I'm going for quantity over quality. I'm going to try to push my social boundaries in at least one way each day. It will probably take me a few months to get to 100. I bookmarked this thread and I'll keep posting as I add new experiences and ideas. Here's how I kicked it off:

I went in to a coffee shop near where I live. I don't like coffee and I have no idea what to order in these places. I had to ask the server to let me look at the menu for a minute, as I started to sweat and avoid eye contact. I couldn't make any sense of the menu, so I just ordered one of the specialty drinks, and luckily I didn't have to answer too many questions about it. I sat down and tasted my drink for a few minutes, and left. There weren't many people around.

I didn't like the coffee at all, but now I'm a little less clueless in the event I have to go out and have coffee with someone.
Time: 10 minutes
Confidence Level: 6 out of 10

The List
001. Went to a coffee shop and ordered something. (July 6, 2009)
002. Went to a pub by myself during the evening. (July 8, 2009)
003. First swing dance class. (July 9, 2009)
004. Sat in on a Toastmasters meeting for the first time. (July 10, 2009)
005. Went out to eat at a club in the Twin Cities. (July 11, 2009)
006. Went downtown to say hi to strangers. (July 13, 2009)
007. Went into another coffee shop. (July 17, 2009)
008. Organized a meetup. (July 21, 2009)
009. Went downtown during a street festival. (July 23, 2009)
010. Went shopping for shoes. (July 28, 2009)
011. Went into a tanning place and talked to the clerk. (July 28, 2009)
012. Went into a downtown pub by myself during the evening. (July 28, 2009)
013. Went to a networking happy hour and talked to strangers. (July 29, 2009)
014. Went to a presentation at work. (July 30, 2009)
015. First successful meetup. (August 1, 2009)
016. Went to a neighborhood cookout. (August 4, 2009)
017. Started small talk with a shuttle driver. (August 6, 2009)
018. Went to visit a friend in another state and had a night out at the bar. (August 17, 2009)
019. Dinner party. (August 18, 2009)
020. Went downtown for a concert. (August 21, 2009)
021. Took a friend out to a movie. (August 22, 2009)
022. Went out to dinner with a group. (August 26, 2009)
023. Went to a social networking event at a bar. (August 27, 2009)
024. Had another Meetup. (August 27, 2009)
025. Went down to Greek Fest. (August 29, 2009)


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## strawberryjulius

That's great, I don't think I'd be able to do that. Good luck.


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## slyfox

Great goal! Keep up the great work


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## Hysteric

Sounds like a plan! Good luck with it.


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## lastofthekews

Well done on completing your first exposure exercise  I know how hard things like this can be, so it is a massive achievement.

Good luck with the exposure exercises


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## TeenyBeany

nice! next time order a decaf caramel frapaccino. it's yummy. or a vanilla bean frap for no coffee


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## Black_Widow

Well done!


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## coldmorning

Ooh, nice job. Can't wait to see what #2 will be.


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## jellybelly

That's great! Good luck with the other 99!


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## mountain5

Today I went into a pub. I've been "trying" to do this for weeks, but I think making this thread gave me enough of a push to go through with it. I've only done this once before, on a Saturday morning when no one was there.

I looked at a couple different places...my first choice seemed to be too full, so I drove over to the second choice and they had a lot of people too, enough that I'd have to sit next to someone. I went back to my car and I was about ready to bail out, but I waited a few minutes, came back in and saw a bunch of people had cleared out.

I sat down, got one drink, stared at the Twins game on TV and hoped no one would notice me. The hardest part was just sitting there, feeling like I should be doing something differently. It was a restaurant-type place, so almost everyone was there to just eat with their friends.

I do think it was a beneficial experience, just to get some experience with something that's "normal" for most people. I should have more interesting updates on Thursday and Friday.

Time: 25 minutes
Risk Level: 3 out of 10
Confidence Level: 4 out of 10


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## RyanJ

mountain5 said:


> I went in to a coffee shop near where I live. I don't like coffee and I have no idea what to order in these places.


Was it Caribou? If so and if you go back, try their "coolers". I liked the carmel cooler - it's desert in a cup...

Assuming you're near the Twin Cities, here's another idea: Famous Dave's in Uptown (aka Calhoun). They have (sometimes decent) blues bands playing 7 nights a week which cuts down on the chit chat if you're sitting close - and they have a bar. It gets full sometimes, but it isn't always. Also, this is old info so check it out if you do go...


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## monkeymagic86

God for you mountain5 !!
The only way i could go into a bar by myself is if i have to use the ladies room.
Then i leave staightaway.
Keep at it.


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## Black_Widow

Good for you! It's as much as I can do to just go up to the bar on my own in a pub and order a drink while at least one other person is with me, let alone visit one alone. That must have taken alot of courage. Hope that the next time you choose to visit one alone (if you do again) that you find it easier next time round and also good luck with the rest of your exposure exercises!


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## Aleforge

Wow this is awesome, good job! I can't wait to hear more!


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## jellybelly

Well done on going into a pub!


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## mountain5

RyanJ said:


> Was it Caribou? If so and if you go back, try their "coolers". I liked the carmel cooler - it's desert in a cup...


Yeah, I saw their cold drinks, it probably made sense to get one since it's summer and all. I've been to Famous Dave's, but not the one in Uptown. That's actually not a bad idea for a place to go.


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## mountain5

I just got back from the first session of a swing dance class. I signed up for this a few weeks ago.

I'm still processing it. I've only taken one other dance class before outside of school, that was a line dancing class a few months ago, where I didn't have to partner up with anyone or anything like that. So most of my trepidation centered around the fact that I'd have to find a partner. I was surprised by how many people where there, there must have been 40 people or so of various ages. I was also concerned about the gender balance but it looked like it was even. A couple women were there with their girlfriends, etc.

Overall it went okay, I guess. I feel sorry for the first girl I danced with, I didn't even think to introduce myself and I had a really hard time making eye contact with her. That aspect of it got easier as we rotated between partners.

I took a few arrows to my self esteem, it seemed like just as soon as I thought I was doing good, the woman or the instructor would stop me and tell me something I had to fix. I hate to be "that guy," I don't know why I give off this vibe that I suck at everything I do. I guess I just have to realize I'll never see most of these people again after 4 weeks. I can practice the steps on my own for a few minutes a day, but other than that, not much else I can do.

I have my exercise for Friday lined up, but I'm not sure about Saturday. I have something scheduled for that day, but I don't know if I'm going to count it or not.

Time: 75 minutes
Risk Level: 3 out of 10
Confidence Level: 5 out of 10


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## deeds14

I think you need to give yourself more credit! I just read the one where you went into the bar by yourself and said the risk level was only 3 out of 10?? That sounds terrifying to me! That would be like an 8 out of 10 to me  How inspiring that you're doing these things!


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## money

This is a good thread.


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## jellybelly

Glad the dancing went ok  Good luck for your next exercise.


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## mountain5

Yeah, I kind of rated the bar experience lower than I might have, because I've been to that particular place before and I know (rationally) that there's a lot rougher places in town, and it's not really a place where people go to meet strangers. I'm still figuring this out how to evaluate these things.

Today I went to a Toastmasters meeting at work. I pretty much just sat in as a guest and watched. I was asked to introduce myself at the beginning of the meeting, and at the end of it I was asked if I had any comments about it. Finally, a little bit of small talk after the meeting was over, but not much. I couldn't think of everything I wanted to say during the introduction, and I made some verbal flubs during small talk, but nothing that bad.

Basically, for those who don't know how it works, the meeting is split up into two sections. I think it's the same way in other chapters. The first and longer section is the prepared speeches, which is self explanatory. Then there is "Table Topics" where some members were asked to give a 2 minute talk about a topic that's given to them on the spot. While all of this is going on, some of the members are selected to be "evaluators" who take notes during the talks, and eventually the evaluators have to go up and talk about what they saw. There are a few other functions in the meeting, but that was the gist of it.

It's pretty much what what I expected going in. I told the membership officer that I'd be willing to go ahead and start the process for joining. It's a little frustrating that they only meet once every two weeks, it will probably take months for me to get into the swing of things there. I guess there are other Toastmasters chapters in town and there's no restriction on joining more than one.

Time: 90 minutes
Risk Level: 2 out of 10 (just watching)
Confidence Level: 6 out of 10


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## jellybelly

Well done again  Hope you can get into the swing of things there soon!


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## Eugenie

Wow you are going so well! Toastmasters and going to bars alone could be scary for anyone I think! Keep it up!


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## mountain5

Saturday I drove to Minneapolis for a social anxiety meetup. I ended up getting turned around in traffic and having to drive back and forth through downtown Minneapolis a few times before finding the right exit. That was a little nerve wracking, but everything went fine once I got parked and sat down to eat.

Sunday I slacked off, no excuses...I had a couple ideas, but I slept in and stayed home

Tonight I wasn't sure what I wanted to do...I figured I'd take an idea from another thread, go downtown and say hi to strangers in the street. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, since people aren't really friendly there to begin with. I said hi to one couple and they didn't seem to notice me, which felt really weird, but not too bad. Eventually I stopped in Barnes & Noble, didn't do anything there, then I stopped in a drug store for a few odds and ends. I knew one of the guys who worked in the drug store and we made small talk and caught up a little bit.

So that's it for now. Thanks to everyone who's commented so far.


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## GoldenGray

LOL, I love how you rate the risk level and confidence level. It reminds me of a video game!! Well, it probably is just as challenging as a video game. I say you let us create level challenges for you and see if you can fulfill them.  Btw, your doing an excellent job!


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## mountain5

Well, I haven't forgotten about this, but I have to admit I've been stalling on it.

Tonight I had another swing dance lesson. It actually went a lot better this time, I got into the feel of it, I got good feedback from my partners, and the instructor gave a compliment on my footwork. Just 20 minutes or so of practicing during the week made a big difference. Once I got "into it" I didn't have to think so much about what my feet were doing, which was liberating.

Next thing on my list is to go to a nightclub by myself and get out with my psyche intact. Maybe this is a little much for me, but I'm running low on ideas. I'm going to ask my therapist on Saturday. Whatever ideas anyone else has would help a lot. I should probably just go into different coffee shops, bars, etc. and count it each time, even if it's not really a "new" experience.

I think one problem is that I got to the point where I was mostly ignoring this board. Then I started this thread, and now I'm spending time reading the board instead of pushing my comfort zone (imagine that). So I probably need to just update this thread, and have the discipline to ignore the rest of the board for a while. I know I need to do this, and I'll be damned if I don't make it to 100!


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## saym

Sounds like you are doing great, just getting out there and facing your fears is a big step. I'm going to try it too.


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## jellybelly

Well done on your progress. Keep going! Hope the nightclub trip isn't too overwhelming! You can do it


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## SAgirl

You've done an awesome job at exposing yourself to new situations and pushing yourself. 
You should be really proud!


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## Ataraxia

I just wanted to give this thread a huge bump. This is exactly the kind of thing that I have been trying to do, but I have been procrastinating. Seeing this definitely inspires me to get out there and do it.

I suggest that you don't focus so much on "new" experiences, but rather on repetition. Repeat the things that you have been doing, escalating the difficulty of the situation when you feel that you are getting comfortable. For example, you went a bar which wasn't too busy and which you felt somewhat comfortable in. Next time, go to a bar that is busy. Then go to a bar that is busy and make a point to talk to someone, etcetera. Keep doing this for weeks on end, and you'll be surprised at the results, you may even make new friends.

I did something similar, I made a point of saying hello to a certain number of strangers everyday, and it has paid dividends in confidence. But the key is repetition, if I had only done it once, I don't think it would have made much of a difference. Now, I think I'll follow in your foot steps and try going to a bar or going to toastmasters, and I'll take my own advice and go a certain number of times each week, escalating the intensity of these anxiety provoking situations until they are no longer challenging.


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## mountain5

Well, on Friday I went into another coffee shop downtown and got some kind of ice cream drink. Nothing earth shattering, but it was something, and I still felt pretty nervous going in. A few people were sitting around in the lounge area but I felt way too weird to go in there. Maybe next time I'll bring a book or something.

Tonight I drove by the night club at about 8:30, looked like they were still closed. I went and parked downtown and went by a comedy club I've tried to get myself to go in before, but I still couldn't do it this time. So tonight was pretty much a wash. I guess I still got feedback, even if it was negative feedback.

Tomorrow I might try to go to a church, provided I can get up early enough. I might try to make small talk with people, but I won't beat myself up if it doesn't happen. Some places are just not very accommodating to strangers.

I give myself too much time to talk myself out of things. On the flip side, I'm not planning ahead and thinking rationally, so I still get shaken up when I see people moving around and the club is playing loud music. I really overestimate my ability to "wing it," when I should be coming up with an intelligent plan of action.

I also have to give myself credit for Thursday going well, it's not like I had a "good time" but it was kind of a breakthrough for me.


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## mountain5

Ataraxia said:


> I just wanted to give this thread a huge bump. This is exactly the kind of thing that I have been trying to do, but I have been procrastinating. Seeing this definitely inspires me to get out there and do it.


Thanks for your post, this is exactly the kind of advice I need to hear. Like I just wrote, I really overestimate my ability to wing it and I get impatient when I should be focusing on repetition. I mean, I probably actually have better than average self discipline, but we all have our blind spots. Good luck with your work.


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## mountain5

Well, I hosted my meetup.com group for the first time today. It was a no-show, which is halfway what I expected, but I'm at least a little glad I was able to go through the process, go out to a restaurant by myself and handle it well. I might try going out to different restaurants by myself a few more times.

I signed up for a networking dinner on Thursday, through work. Hopefully it goes well.


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## jellybelly

Glad you're keeping up the good work. Hope the dinner goes great


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## sadie08

Wow - sounds like you have made a LOT of progress in a very short time. Trust me, a lot of those things on your list are WAY down the road for me (especially the dance class- ugh). 

What have you learned from all those experiences? I mean was it total torture during it or did you get more comfortable throughout the experience? Would love to know more about how it went for you!


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## Iced Soul

This is an amazing thread. Good job with all the exercises and rating them is really good. Can't wait to hear more.


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## mountain5

Well, today was mixed results. I had to get up early for a pretty intensive day at work, lots of meetings. The dinner/social thing I was going to go to was scheduled for 5:00. By the time I got parked and walked downtown it was 5:10 or so. I actually went down there last night to make sure I knew the exact location of the restaurant.

The first thing I noticed was there was a jazz band playing right next to the restaurant. That would make it pretty hard to hear, I guessed, but I thought I'd deal with it. As I got closer and saw the tables out front, I saw there was a group there set up with a booth, and a lot of people sitting down and talking but no one I recognized. I knew this event was going to be associated with another group, but I didn't know it was a full blown recruitment thing. I didn't see the guy who sent out the invitation, so I just left the area and thought I'd find something else to do downtown.

I thought about it a little more, and I figured I could at least go back and ask the young woman at the booth what was going on, and tell her who I was looking for. She said the guy who sent out the invitation I received hadn't even showed up. Then she gave me a name tag and said I could mingle with the people there and they'd grab some food later. I took their brochure, but I decided to leave. I probably "should" have tried to stretch myself and mingle with some strangers, but I just didn't have a good feeling about the situation. I felt a little bit misled, and frankly I was dressed casual and most of the people there looked like Young Republican types in white shirts and ties.

It's not that I didn't like who they were or what they were doing, they were just a local networking group for "young professionals," which is probably something I should join. And I'll probably go to their website to see if I can sign up that way. I just was expecting something completely different from what I ran into.

They have a lot of street vendors downtown this time of year, so I got a cheeseburger from one of the local restaurants running a booth. It was a pretty crowded environment and I probably walked around for 8 minutes looking for somewhere to sit down. I figured that no would really notice me anyway. Eventually I saw an open bench, in a section of the street that was less crowded, and sat down on the end of the bench to eat my cheeseburger. I felt a little weird about sitting on the bench by myself, and I wondered if other people would be frustrated about me "taking up the space."

As if to answer that, some woman sat down on the other end of the bench. I don't know if she was eating or reading or checking her cell phone or what, I didn't really look because I didn't want to seem like I was paying attention. I thought about trying to say something to her, but I kind of drew a blank. Eventually I figured it would've been fine to say a simple "hi, how are you?" but at least a minute had gone by at that point. My cheeseburger was over halfway gone, so I just started walking back to my car, taking bites out of my cheeseburger.

Time: 40 minutes
Confidence level: 4 out of 10

* * * 

I had my third dance lesson tonight, again with mixed results. First of all, I came in a few minutes late. Second of all, the usual instructor wasn't there, and we had this guy who seemed to be a great dancer, but he had no idea how to run a class. He had three new moves to teach, and he thought we would automatically just learn by watching him once. He didn't even let us run through any of the steps without a partner, so you had lots of pairs of total strangers fumbling around and losing confidence because they had no idea what the steps were supposed to feel like.

On top of that, my overall confidence level was pretty crappy, about what it was on the very first lesson. I was mostly in my head instead of my feet, which made my rhythm suck a lot of the time. Near the end I was dancing again with the girl I mentioned two weeks ago, the one who makes really intense eye contact. She actually made a comment to the effect of "I don't mean to make you nervous if you feel like I'm staring at you, I'm just trying to watch your counting." Eventually I was getting a better handle on some of the steps, but I really hope the other instructor comes back next week.

I did get to dance with this one smoking hot blonde, who seemed to be kind of a flirty type. So that was pretty cool, I guess.

Sorry this one turned into sort of a novel.


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## mountain5

sadie08 said:


> Wow - sounds like you have made a LOT of progress in a very short time. Trust me, a lot of those things on your list are WAY down the road for me (especially the dance class- ugh).
> 
> What have you learned from all those experiences? I mean was it total torture during it or did you get more comfortable throughout the experience? Would love to know more about how it went for you!


Hi, thanks for your comments.

As for how bad it is doing these things, honestly the very worst parts are right before it and right after it's done.

I think I'm learning that it's emotionally painful to push my limits, but it is possible. It's painful when you let fear take over and you feel like a loser because you didn't even try. But it's also painful to push through the fear, look back on the experience and see all the mistakes you made. Kind of a "Wow, that was really the best I could do?" sort of feeling.

I think for most people, that feeling is so painful that it's what caused anxiety to take over in the first place -- your brain doesn't even want you to try anymore.

I hope people find this thread encouraging and are getting ideas from it. I'm trying to be very open about my own setbacks, without being negative -- first of all, for myself, so I can look back on the situation logically. Secondly, so people can empathize with what I'm doing and understand that bad experiences don't have to "sink the ship." I don't think it makes a lot of sense to post a success story without describing the entire situation. It's like a military debriefing, I have a duty to describe all the gory details.


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## SloopjohnB

This is a great idea! I read this last night and have adopted a similar formula to yours. The first one on my list is to for a whole day only talk in a positive manner. I can be very pessimistic but this could help me to stop whining so much and seem more cheerful.

Again, its a great idea I think even I can do!


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## mountain5

Just wanted to keep this thread alive. I didn't do much today...I did take one of my drives downtown (that I'm doing more frequently). I walked by the one bar that I've been trying to work up my nerve to go into, but looks like they're closed on Sundays.

I do have a couple thoughts:
- What am I supposed to be thinking when I actually go in? How do I psych myself up? I think I have enough experience now, to say I need to think nothing. I really can't afford any kind of thinking at all when it's time to make a decision. If I try to think, three negatives will pop up for every positive thought I come up with.

- Okay, so let's say someone does insult me, disrespect me, or otherwise try to hurt me. Yeah, I'm human so that's going to hurt no matter what. But there are different ways to react to the pain. If you get a bad papercut, or you stub your toe, it might be very painful, but you probably won't be traumatized for life. When other people hurt us, it carries a lot more gravity. I'm sure there are sound psychological reasons for that. Ultimately, though, why should it hurt more than a papercut or stubbing my toe? Yeah, that person might not like me, but what kind of idiot goes around trying to hurt strangers?

I think I want to try going tanning this week. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but I never followed through. I'll have to figure out how to go in, ask for what I want, and I'll probably have to buy a few things like lotion and goggles. Should be interesting.


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## mountain5

It's been almost a week, but I did three things after work today.

1. I really needed new shoes. I went down to the Running Room and hoped someone there could help me find something. Last time I was there, I talked to this really helpful sales lady. This time I got some high school kid who couldn't sell bottled water in the Sahara desert. I didn't really find what I was looking for, so I went over to another chain closer to home and got two pairs of shoes for the same price I would've paid for one pair at the other place. I'm counting this one because I've been putting it off for a while.

2. Went into a tanning place. I sat in the car for a few minutes, before I managed to push myself to go in. I had to stand around for a couple minutes while the clerk talked to some customer on the phone. When she was done, I told her I hadn't been there before and I'd like to try whatever their shortest session was. She told me that the minimum they sold was a 100 minute package, and I said I'd think about it and come back later. It went well enough, I guess, and the hardest part about it was just going in.

3. Went into the bar I've been trying to go to for a while. This was a little more urgent because I'm supposed to meet some people from work there tomorrow. Not much to it, I had one beer, read the newspaper, and left. Again, the hardest part was just going in.

I guess that doesn't sound very exciting, but I feel good I was able to pull all of that off. I have some more intense stuff coming up this week where I'll have to actually talk to strangers.

Total time: 2 hours
Confidence level: 5 out of 10

* * *

Just some more thoughts I wanted to journal. I've been listening to the audio version of Napoleon Hill's "Law of Success" for the past couple weeks, whenever I'm in the office or working out. I think it's helped me have a couple mental breakthroughs.

Last night, it hit me that I really do control my own thoughts, more than I realize. And it hit me how easy it is for thoughts to be influenced by other people, and by the environment, if I'm not careful. There's no reason I can't feel good, as long as I want to.

I'm having trouble translating that into social interaction. I want to unlock the "happy" part of my personality when I'm talking to people at work, but I'm hitting this wall of resistance. It's like I just don't want to come off as fake, or "not me," even though whatever I decide to feel IS me, at any given moment. I'll probably have to deal with this in small steps.

Also, my most recent mantra is "I give myself permission to defeat all obstacles in the way of my success." It seems to be working pretty well the past couple days.


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## jellybelly

Well done on doing those! And that's great that you've had some mental break throughs! I like that mantra too. Keep on with your exercises you're doing great


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## mountain5

As I mentioned yesterday, there was another happy hour going on through work. This time, it was an actual networking group through my job, plus a similar group from another company.

My little scouting expedition last night helped me go into the bar and find the group without any problems. It helped that I was a little bit early, so there were only a few people there when I showed up. I didn't get any drinks. I used my two new tactics going in, 1) don't think about anything in advance and 2) if I do feel anxiety, it's just pain and it's temporary (like a mental papercut). 

There's not a whole lot to say about it. Soon more people started showing up and we pulled some tables together. I stood away with a little trepidation, wondering where I would sit, and I ended up sitting off to the side, and there was just one girl I was in easy talking distance with. It wasn't a total stranger, I'd met her before through a buddy of mine, I knew she had a boyfriend, and I already knew some things I had in common. But we'd never had a 1-on-1 conversation before. We must have made 1-on-1 small talk for 15 minutes or so until that started to die off, and we saw an opening to get into the conversation going on next to us.

I had 1-on-1 conversation with maybe 4 or 5 people. It was a little hard to deal with the way conversations and groups would split up and combine back together in different ways. At one point there were 2 conversations going on right next to me where I wasn't included, and I had a hard time dealing with the noise, but I just waited through it.

The organizer of the event recognized me, and I got quasi-invited to an outdoor movie she was going to with friends tomorrow. I said I might go, but we didn't make any specific plans. I'm not going to go there by myself and search around for her, that's just weird.  I might see her tomorrow and talk to her then, or I might invite my buddy there and just go by ourselves.

So that's that. Conversation went pretty easily, considering how little experience with this kind of thing I really have. It's nice to know I can have a 1-on-1 conversation with people my own age and not burst into flames or anything. To be honest, I don't really know what the point of these kinds of things are, since it seems like people just talk for a bit and go back home without seeing each other ever again. But it was nice to know I could handle it.

This was in a comedy club, which gave me the ridiculous idea that I could get a routine together and get on stage for open mic night. Who knows, maybe sometime around #100.


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## bsd3355

I've been wanting to do a open mic comedy thing myself. I think it'd be pretty interesting to say the least.

Good work with everything so far!


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## mountain5

Anyone still read this?

Last Thursday I went to an informational session at work about various networking groups. The actual presentation was okay, I didn't talk to any strangers but I did hang out for a little while with people I met at Toastmasters.

Unfortunately I couldn't sleep the night before, and I had to take a long lunch break to go out to my car and nap. That night I had another happy hour scheduled, and my last dance lesson. I went to the bar for the happy hour, but realized I didn't recognize anyone there, and I didn't see any groups of more than 2-3 people, so I have up on that and went home. Once I got home I crashed and slept right through the dance lesson. I feel pretty crappy about that day, but at least I did something.

Saturday I held a social anxiety meetup, and this time 2 people actually came. Not much to say about it, it went pretty well for a first time.

I didn't do anything on Sunday, I was way too lazy this weekend.

Tonight I drove downtown, with the idea that I'd try saying hi to people again, but I just couldn't force myself to do it. It feels like people want to be anonymous downtown and I'd be imposing on their personal space. Maybe I need to try it on a weekend, when there's less time pressure.

Got a couple more things going on tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.


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## sadie08

Hey there, yes I'm still reading your thread. Glad to see you are still making progress and pushing yourself. You actually sound pretty social to me, with a lot of the things you are doing! Talking with all those people at the bar, joining toastmasters, starting a meetup group,...etc. Very brave indeed. Do you just still get nervous at all those tasks or is it getting better?

I love the meetup idea by the way, maybe I will start one when I get back to Indy after I see how things go for a few weeks of getting back in the swing of things.


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## mountain5

August 4 is an unofficial "Neighborhood Night Out" in parts of the US. I live in a townhome complex and last week I had an invitation to a cookout slipped under my door. So I put that on my mental calendar.

I got home from work today, and I saw a table set up behind my building, but I wasn't sure that was the place, so I walked around for 20 minutes to half an hour before I came back. The first person I met was a middle aged looking lady who was the organizer, and I talked to her for a minute while she helped me get a hot dog. I looked around for a few seconds before I sat down with a few girls around my age and made some small talk. They were all roommates and they had just moved in a couple weeks ago. They seemed nice enough, but I had to go early. I didn't think to bring a piece of paper to take down e-mail addresses or anything, so I'll probably never see those people again.

I had to leave and drive over to the other side of town, to attend the "young professionals" group I'm a part of. I didn't realize that it was a special meeting, and all they were doing tonight was having some candidates for state officers speak. I was a little upset and confused and I felt like I was wasting my time. I planned to stay for drinks like they usually do, but I was in that awkward stage where people were mingling, but no one was moving over to the bar yet. I had no one to mingle with and I felt extremely out of place, so I just went home. I brought some paperwork I could have done while I was waiting, but I didn't think about it at the time. Kind of a depressing end to the night.

I still have this very strong, deep belief that people don't want to talk to me, or even be near me. It's like a diamond in the middle of my psyche that I just can't crack.

I'm taking vacation starting next week, hopefully that will be a good thing. I'm also moving toward trying online dating again. I'm getting tired of making small talk with random people, then having no one to actually do anything with.


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## ratbag

taunting people from afar is fun, and not that hard to do! i was swimming the other day and was yelling at this guy to jump off the bridge because he was there for an hour, chickening out.


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## mountain5

sadie08 said:


> Hey there, yes I'm still reading your thread. Glad to see you are still making progress and pushing yourself. You actually sound pretty social to me, with a lot of the things you are doing! Talking with all those people at the bar, joining toastmasters, starting a meetup group,...etc. Very brave indeed. Do you just still get nervous at all those tasks or is it getting better?
> 
> I love the meetup idea by the way, maybe I will start one when I get back to Indy after I see how things go for a few weeks of getting back in the swing of things.


Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm getting better at going to pre-planned events, at least.

I'm trying to let go and pay less attention to my nervousness. I think it's still accurate that the worst moments of anxiety are right before and right after I do a task.

Good luck with starting a meetup group, I recommend it if you can.


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## jellybelly

Keep going you're doing really well. I hope you can crack that diamond in your psyche


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## bowlingpins

mountain5 said:


> Anyone still read this?


yup, I just read all of this thread and I am going to follow it from now on. You are doing really well, very inspirational, makes me feel inadequate though haha.


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## mountain5

Yesterday I had to take my car in for some work, before my road trip this weekend. I took a shuttle back to work, and had a long 4-5 minutes where it was just me and the driver, and we didn't really say anything.

Later that day I had to take the shuttle back to the shop, and I got a different driver. He seemed fairly nice, but not aggressive, so I pushed myself to make a little bit of small talk with him. I brought up the weather, and then I asked him a little bit about his job. He did most of the talking, and it lasted all 4-5 minutes of the trip.

Not exactly dramatic, but it was a change for me. I guess I realized I did have something to ask about, and I could push through my inhibitions of being seen as prying or stupid or socially incompetent.


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## Omnium11

I really like how positive this thread is. Really awesome to see how successful you have been with this. I think I'll steal some of your ideas to challenge myself and try them out.


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## detweiler

mountain5 said:


> 008. Organized a meetup. (July 21, 2009)


This dude is putting financial as well as psychological efforts into this.... I've done Meetups and they are not cheap. Keep up the good work.


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## caitlan

Wow. I am in awe. I could never do these things that you have been doing. Especially starting a conversation with a complete stranger!! That's fantastic, I should really start pushing myself to do something like that. Keep up the good work! :clap


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## mountain5

Thanks for the support everyone.

Haven't had much to update lately, I'm on vacation this week and I spent most of today driving. I'll have to see what's out there to do this week.


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## mountain5

I'm getting ready to go on the road again, but I wanted to make a quick post to keep this thread alive. I spent a week around my hometown, then I went 3 hours south to visit an old friend. I met some of his friends/coworkers and we all had a good time. I've had a busy couple of days, I might need to gather my thoughts on it later.


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## mountain5

I went downtown tonight for a big band concert. There was a convention in town and I felt intimidated because there weren't many people from the general public coming down for the concert. I sort of felt like I was at someone else's family reunion.

I was about to buy a ticket, but I just didn't feel right about and turned around for the car. A couple minutes later I turned around again, got a ticket, and sat down for the show. I seem to do that a lot...leave and come back. Maybe that's just how I get comfortable, as I get the idea that I can leave at any time.

Today I've been thinking, that the only way I can keep my sanity is to embrace optimism. It's like I live in the worst of both worlds, not only do I prepare myself for the worst possible thing to happen, I'm also hugely disappointed when anything but the best possible thing happens. I have to keep in mind that good things DO happen sometimes, even if it's very slow and occasional.

So it took a lot longer than I expected, but that gets me up to #20. I'm probably going to start a new thread to cover 21-40.


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## mountain5

I lied, I'll get to #25 and then post a new thread. I should be able to get there this week.

Saturday I dragged a friend of mine to see District 9, then we went out to eat and converse afterward. Not much, but it was something.


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## mountain5

Tonight I went to a dinner with a volunteer group I"m a part of, and we had a guest speaker with us. There were about 6 of us there.

I didn't speak much tonight, but eventually the guy who set up dinner asked me for some of my thoughts, and I gave a short (although rambling) speech to the group. I also added a couple other things to the conversation after that. Sorry to be vague, but I can't get too personal here. I felt pretty good coming home, that I could stick through it and have something to contribute eventually.


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## mountain5

Thursday was a pretty eventful day...I got out of work and went to a social networking event at one of the biggest bars in town. I went in, got a drink, and saw I didn't know anyone there. There must have been about 30 or 40 people.

After a couple minutes, someone struck up a conversation with me. If it wasn't 5:30 in the afternoon, I would swear that he'd had 4 or 5 beers already. Anyway, he was a very social, dare I say "alpha male" type. I have almost no history of dealing with these kind of guys and when I did in the past, I'd run like hell. But I let go of whatever resistance I had, and it was interesting to watch him drive the conversation and introduce me to a few different people. I talked to about 4 different people there, and I was there for about 40 minutes. Next time I think I'll do better.

I think the stuff I did up to this point (walking into bars alone, etc.) was a big help in getting me to go through with this. I can't even imagine doing something like that a few months ago.

Later that night I had another social anxiety meetup scheduled. I met the one guy who RSVPed yes, and we went downtown and got some food from street vendors. We talked for a while and found we had some stuff in common. Hopefully we'll see each other again.

Saturday I dragged a friend out to the local Greek Fest, and got some Greek food (which I haven't had in a very long time). We also went on a tour of the local Greek Orthodox church, though it turned out to be more of a sit-down lecture. All in all, it was nice to do on a Saturday afternoon.


So, all of this takes me to 25 things I've done for social exposure. I still want to meet my original goal, and I'll probably start a new thread for 26-50. I'm still looking for ideas that are repeatable, healthy and don't cost a lot of money...i.e. I can't go out to restaurants or drink every night. I guess what I really need is to find more people to go out and do things with.


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## dragons09

Reading that it doesn't even sound like you have social anxiety keep it up and it will be gone forever the best treatment is full exposure btw I'm on I iPod touch so that's why there's no periods I'm ymtoo lazy


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## far310

Great Work, their are quite a few things that you did that are on my list. Swing dancing and toastmasters...their is a toastmasters meetin g in 1 hour at my college, would you reccommend I go to it?


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## mountain5

I'd recommend Toastmasters 100%...you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with doing.


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## njmalibu

Mountain, excuse my ignorance here, but are these goals part of exposure therapy from CBT, and have you tried CBT, or is it just something you're just doing on your own?
Great job BTW, and keep it up! And going to a pub alone would make a lot of people even without sa uncomfortable


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## tomcoldaba

Great job, Mountain.

Btw, I am a member of 3 toastmaster clubs and took ballroom dancing group lessons. Ballroom dancing improved my driving skills!! Toastmasters helped me at work.

I read a post from Drew about how Toastmasters can make you a perfectionist. He is right. I felt the same way. I was spending hours preparing for a speech. I spent 8 hours for a 5 minutes speech. Perfection is another sympton of SA. It is the all or nothing feeling.

I told a fellow toastmaster about my preparation. He said dont commit the sin of perfection; try giving unprepared speeches at the club. I gave 5 unprepared speeches at my clubs. I feel relaxed at work as I speak without any fear at meeting.

I like your approach. Please remember, repetition is the key to controlling. Give the same speech to different club. Work on the same dance steps.

Keep up the good work.


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## 0rchid

What a good idea!


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## Stargirl09

I think you're very brave, well done on getting out there and taking control of your life, it's an inspiration to us all!

Some questions though: is it reducing your fear gradually or is the fear level roughly the same each time? Do you have to adopt a different mind set to face these scenarios? Does your progress depend on how well the situation went or just on the fact you faced it?


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## My911GT2993

This is great nice one Mountain5. The first exposures are tough, I really should be doing these. I think it's cool that your going through with this, good luck!


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

This makes for really inspiring reading, I think its a really healthy way of exposure and keeping track of it all here and getting feedback is going to work really well for you. Keep it up my bro. I commend you:clap


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## Jenikyula gone mad

This is a really, really awesome thread. Good job mountain! By the way, is there a SPAM museum in Minnesota? Or is that in Wisconsin...


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## haikupoet

mountain5 said:


> I went in to a coffee shop near where I live. I don't like coffee and I have no idea what to order in these places. I had to ask the server to let me


You are really brave. I am intimidated by coffee shops. I do not care much for coffee. I can't have caffeine. I feel stupid going up to these barristas with all their wonderful exotic beans and asking for decaf. Then the ten million ways you can have it.

I have no idea what to get either.


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## bsd3355

Wow, I haven't come to this thread for a while now. It's really cool and godly motivated your still doing these things! Look at how far you have come! It's pretty cool, is it not? I think the best part is that when it's all done and over with (whenever that may be), you'll know without a doubt of your capabilities, which hopefully is only as far as you'd like


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## gg87

This is very inspiring and is something that I would like to try to do. Great work mountain on setting goals for yourself and accomplishing them. Keep at it.


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