# sexual abuse



## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

is anyone here the victim of childhood sexual abuse/incest?


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## Ashleyxx67 (Jun 16, 2008)

i wouldnt really cal it sexual abuse well kinda i dont know but like in 8th grade my first like love broke up with me and cheated on me and i was wicked depressed and i started getting into alcohol and like guys would bring over alcohol and get me totally ****faced and then took complete advantage of me

like this one time one of my supposid guy friends was supposed to be helping me up on my bed because i was to drunk and i was balling my eyes out but instead he started dry humping me and his penis was getting big and everything it was gross and i felt extremely violated and then like more guys that i knew and knew how i was like depressed and in my drinking stage would take me out for a ride and get me completely drunk and like do stuff with me when they knew i wasnt like in my right mind at the point


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## Fanciful Unicorn (Jul 19, 2007)

Sexual abuse/incest has been rampant in my family. My grandma was the first in line to put a stop to it and raise the awareness in my family of what was going on/how it was wrong. Her mother, her, my mother, my sister and I have all been abused by family.

I am absolutly horrified and disgusted by how little is being done within society about this. Nearly every friend I have ever made has been sexually abused/raped by family/adults when they were children. My own biological grandfather was aquited TWICE when brought to court.

This is SO not okay, I don't understand why these sick people aren't being brought to justice.

Grr. It makes me sick beyond belife.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

There are some awesome forums for survivors of incest and sexual abuse. These types of abuse are very commonly linked with the most painful and diffcult to treat mental disorders but there is help out there. Try doing a google of sites that deal with this as they may be better attended by folks who can relate to your predicament.

To the OP I read your post that you might have Depersonalisation Disorder. Are you currently seeing a therapist, if your levels of trust will allow? 

Ross


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

I was the victim of sexual abuse by a babysitter when i was a young lad. It didn't occur to me how much it impacted me until much later, but it really, really did. It's kinda shocking how large that impact can be, especially in areas that are unrelated to sexuality.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

It will effect all your relationships, especially in being able to trust and feel a sense of safeness, warmth and closeness.

If you have been sexually abused it is very likely that some from of psychotherapy will be needed in order to overcome this trespass on your humanity.

Good luck

Ross


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## trey (Nov 26, 2007)

Fanciful Unicorn said:


> I am absolutly horrified and disgusted by how little is being done within society about this. Nearly every friend I have ever made has been sexually abused/raped by family/adults when they were children. My own biological grandfather was aquited TWICE when brought to court.


I agree, it's completely ridiculous. The problem is widespread and rampant, yet even in the times when someone _is_ charged with it, it seems as though the sentence they receive is pathetic compared to the damage of the crime towards the victim.

I mean, on average people convicted of burglary (unarmed) spend over one extra year in prison compared to someone convicted of sexual assault. How does that make sense? The only two reasons I can think of is that the judicial system either doesn't take it's impact seriously, or there's just so many cases of it that jailing them all would be too costly. If that's the reason then keep the short prison sentences, but start cutting off their genitals at release.

I guarantee you there would be a sharp decline in the cases if that was the penalty.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I had no idea that there were people here that suffered sexual abuse as a child.

And I thought that I had it bad.

I don't care how many friends/ bfs/ gfs you had, if you've been sexually abused as a kid, my heart goes out to you.


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## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

does it still affect you now?


Ashleyxx67 said:


> i wouldnt really cal it sexual abuse well kinda i dont know but like in 8th grade my first like love broke up with me and cheated on me and i was wicked depressed and i started getting into alcohol and like guys would bring over alcohol and get me totally @#%$ and then took complete advantage of me
> 
> like this one time one of my supposid guy friends was supposed to be helping me up on my bed because i was to drunk and i was balling my eyes out but instead he started dry humping me and his penis was getting big and everything it was gross and i felt extremely violated and then like more guys that i knew and knew how i was like depressed and in my drinking stage would take me out for a ride and get me completely drunk and like do stuff with me when they knew i wasnt like in my right mind at the point


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## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

how are you affected by it now?



Fanciful Unicorn said:


> Sexual abuse/incest has been rampant in my family. My grandma was the first in line to put a stop to it and raise the awareness in my family of what was going on/how it was wrong. Her mother, her, my mother, my sister and I have all been abused by family.
> 
> I am absolutly horrified and disgusted by how little is being done within society about this. Nearly every friend I have ever made has been sexually abused/raped by family/adults when they were children. My own biological grandfather was aquited TWICE when brought to court.
> 
> ...


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## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

i am and she is supportive.. but she is more like a counselor..i wish i knew some people who were going through the same thing...i cant even begin to describe what it feels like...i need a road map



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> There are some awesome forums for survivors of incest and sexual abuse. These types of abuse are very commonly linked with the most painful and diffcult to treat mental disorders but there is help out there. Try doing a google of sites that deal with this as they may be better attended by folks who can relate to your predicament.
> 
> To the OP I read your post that you might have Depersonalisation Disorder. Are you currently seeing a therapist, if your levels of trust will allow?
> 
> Ross


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## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

thank you but i still feel like i'm the freak


vicente said:


> I had no idea that there were people here that suffered sexual abuse as a child.
> 
> And I thought that I had it bad.
> 
> I don't care how many friends/ bfs/ gfs you had, if you've been sexually abused as a kid, my heart goes out to you.


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## shyguydan (Dec 30, 2004)

I have so called have an encounter with sexually abuse when I was 6 by these two bigger and stronger kids than I was at the time , that is probably one of the root causes for my anxiety but I am seeing my specialist today and hope everything goes well


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> It will effect all your relationships, especially in being able to trust and feel a sense of safeness, warmth and closeness.
> 
> If you have been sexually abused it is very likely that some from of psychotherapy will be needed in order to overcome this trespass on your humanity.
> 
> ...


Thanks Ross for helping these people in this thread. I didnt know what to say.


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## Iron Butterfly (Nov 13, 2007)

I've had a lot of bad experiences. When I was 7 I knew this girl and we hung out (she was older than me by 4 years), her older brother in High School molested me when she went outside. I didn't say anything b/c I was scared, embarassed, and uncomfortable. Then, when I was 9, my landlord in the apartment building pressed the emergency button in the elevator and groped me and starting kissing me everywhere. It was so crazy b/c I was friends with his daughters. I even brought it to them and they called me a liar. I've had old men follow me home when I was an adolescent and say how beautiful I will turn out when I get older. This 22 year-old guy in my building would tell me how he loves me and would try to touch me. In High School, some guys I knew put some pill in my apple juice when I turned my back and I ended up with my pants ripped and in the emergency room getting my stomach pumped. I thought they were my friends, and the part that I remember was when I was passed out how this guy tried to rape me, but I was semi-conscious and I remember biting his face and this lady asked me if I was ok and called the hospital. I was extremely shy when I was younger and I was also a people pleaser and didn't want anyone to look at me different or cause any drama. So, I kept that in and didn't tell anyone. All this I know ****ed me up even more than I already was. I have a father who is a narcissist who used to beat my mother and caused so much grief for my mother, brother, and myself. My mother ended up with high blood pressure, my brother is bi-polar, and I have GAD, SAD, and emotional issues. Not only until I was 18 did I make eye contact, if I did it would take months. Also, it didn't help that I didn't have anyone to talk to. No, I could never tell my parents, EVER. Being "different" definitely made things worse for me. I have so many issues.


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## Iron Butterfly (Nov 13, 2007)

I used to believe I did something to have these things happen to me. I actually didn't blame them, I blamed myself. I came across perverted guys my whole life, and would sit there and cross examine myself and see what it is about me that made these people do this to me.


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Uck, these stories, they make my stomach sink.

There are some truly reprehensible people in this world.


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## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

yup, I am not going into details.


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

ive been abused when i was about 9 or 10 i think. I dont remember exactly how many times or when but from 10-20 times estimate. I seem to have erased the memory for about 14 years or so, until I remembered last year. Thinking now, the impact is huge. 
During the time, I thought it was a normal thing because my abuser told me that 'whats the problem, we're both guys here. This is what guys do'. Like i thought it was some sort of 'initiation' thing. He was my cousin and is 6 years older than me. so at that time, he was about 15 or 16. I have seen him about 2 x on family reunions, since last year when I remembered. We remained civil friends, as if nothing happened. 

Aside from the mental disorders, the big impact is constipated hate, that usually spills out in everyday actions and intentions. Someone with a lot of hate left in silence, hard to recover. But optimistically, im glad i feel hate, instead of putting myself down, like beforer I realized.

My heart goes out to all of us.


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

yes, childhood and recent (adulthood).


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

have u guys been able to release the pain in a healthy way? are u comfortable getting to be comfortable with people or have close relationships?


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## stephh (Mar 16, 2011)

Yes, in my family. My brother told my parents when he was 15 and I was 10, about 4 years after it had happened to me. I don't know when it happened to him. It was ongoing for both of us, I think, but I don't know for how long - I only remember a few instances. I think it caused a lot of my anxiety, shame, low self esteem, low self worth, tying self worth to sexual things. I am in my first healthy relationship and we started having sex a year ago. I notice that I have bad habits with sex, like checking out during it, or saying yes when I don't want to (in order to keep him around) or not telling him if it hurts. I hate this, and I don't know what to do. I talked about it in therapy a couple of weeks ago, but I think I need to again.
I thought I was over it.

Oh, and when my brother told my parents about his experience, I denied any experience for fear of hurting them and breaking my family apart, and hurting the perpetrator, who at the time was a teenager.

I have more feelings of hatred towards myself than the person who actually did it to me.


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## furever grateful (Jul 11, 2011)

yes

1 in 7 women will be sexually assaulted in their lives

1 in 33 men will be

Nobody talks about it, when we should. You are an innocent victim and did nothing to deserve the abuse!


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## daniel83 (Jul 25, 2010)

my mother tried to french kiss me as a child, and she licked my cheek, gross, is that considered abuse?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

daniel83 said:


> my mother tried to french kiss me as a child, and she licked my cheek, gross, is that considered abuse?


Yes, it is. Never should have happened!

I'm so sorry for those that went through sexual abuse. I will keep you in my thoughts.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

*raises hand* Childhood, by both a man and a woman, victim of a rape/murder attempt at 17 (I pulled the knife out of my side and slashed his face real good- never mess with a fencer!)


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Yes. I was molested for years by my brother when I was a child. I have PTSD symptoms from it & stress-induced Bipolar Disorder. Basically - I became mentally ill because of him. All my mental disorders are a product of the molestation. I believe the selective mutism & social anxiety also were a product of it.

I used to have pressured speech during the acts. I think that's why I became mute after awhile. I talked too much - & then I couldn't talk at all. My doctor says the anxiety/abuse changed my brain chemistry - that's why I developed Bipolar Disorder along with a genetic predisposition.

So - thank you, brother.


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## iamnotaghost (Jul 13, 2011)

I'm so sorry to all of you. I hate that people do this stuff to each other. It's part of why I have a hard time loving people because of they do this to kids and to each other.

I was exposed to porn on a regular basis when I was a kid. I guess the people who did it didn't think it would have any effect on me or that I wouldn't remember it/know what I was seeing, but it affects me in that I have a weird view of relationships between men and women and of sex. 

But it definitely doesn't compare to what you all have been through. I wish that stuff had never happened to you or to anyone. That's why I try to be nice and very caring to the kids I meet at work (I work with kids), because I always think, what if some of the only encouragement they receive that day is from me? What if they are going through something horrible at home? I want kids to feel loved.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

It's hard to form any kind of relationship with anyone. I have trust issues with everyone because of this. Not to mention I don't view sex as a pleasurable thing, I tend to feel horrible and depressed after, self loathing.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

yea.

this probably have something to do with the males innate predatory characteristics/traits. the reasons there's so many victims of this type of stuff.


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## LittleSister (Jan 22, 2011)

Incest is not the same thing as sexual abuse.


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## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

:|


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## Cat Montgomery (Jul 31, 2011)

rather not comment.


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## Bethy (Jun 23, 2011)

Yes.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

RetroDoll said:


> yea.
> 
> this probably have something to do with the males innate predatory characteristics/traits. the reasons there's so many victims of this type of stuff.


I hope you mean specific males rather than all males.


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## IntotheVoid (Jul 25, 2011)

trey said:


> I agree, it's completely ridiculous. The problem is widespread and rampant, yet even in the times when someone _is_ charged with it, it seems as though the sentence they receive is pathetic compared to the damage of the crime towards the victim.
> 
> I mean, on average people convicted of burglary (unarmed) spend over one extra year in prison compared to someone convicted of sexual assault. How does that make sense? The only two reasons I can think of is that the judicial system either doesn't take it's impact seriously, or there's just so many cases of it that jailing them all would be too costly. If that's the reason then *keep the short prison sentences, but start cutting off their genitals at release.
> 
> I guarantee you there would be a sharp decline in the cases if that was the penalty.*


I strongly agree with this.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

LittleSister said:


> Incest is not the same thing as sexual abuse.


since when? it's the same thing -- just a different _type_ of sexual abuse.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

WalkingDisaster said:


> I hope you mean specific males rather than all males.


no, i meant all.


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

RetroDoll said:


> no, i meant all.


Since this is about sexual abuse I need to point out it wasn't sexual, just emotional and physical, for a good several years. My mother did this. I have some clues that she was in turn abused by her mother. There were other women that also did me harm, though it doesn't really deserve that label.

Clearly this has something to do with the females' innate abusive characteristics/traits, right?


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## edwestwickfan (Jul 9, 2011)

sno said:


> Uck, these stories, they make my stomach sink.
> 
> There are some truly reprehensible people in this world.


I know. This is so sad.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

VagueResemblance said:


> Since this is about sexual abuse I need to point out it wasn't sexual, just emotional and physical, for a good several years. My mother did this. I have some clues that she was in turn abused by her mother. There were other women that also did me harm, though it doesn't really deserve that label.
> 
> Clearly this has something to do with the females' innate abusive characteristics/traits, right?


maybe, maybe not. if that's what you think, so be it. there a lot of female teachers that takes advantage of the male students, been all over the news. so there's another example. but there's still a lopsided majority that leans towards males as the sexual abusers and females as the victims. again, that doesn't mean a woman never molested a boy...that's my opinion about innate PREDATORY traits in males (i didn't say abusive, you did). I have my reasons why I feel that way... if you don't agree with that and think it's the reverse, that's fine by me.


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

RetroDoll said:


> if you don't agree with that and think it's the reverse, that's fine by me.


Actually, no. I don't.

'All females have abusive traits' was posted so you could hopefully see the faults with that statement. After all...are you abusive?

There are evil men, yeah. However what you posted equates me and all others with them, and me, I am not predatory and I am not violent. There are also evil women, and I refuse to say every woman is that type.

Stereotyping an entire gender like that is wrong, because there are good people among both groups. It is insulting and offensive to the good, as it equates them with the evil. It is damaging to yourself, as it only makes your social phobia worse.


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## Cat Montgomery (Jul 31, 2011)

RetroDoll said:


> no, i meant all.


I know I am supposed to be supportive, but by you saying that you are generalizing offending half of the people on this forum. There is nothing on this planet I hate more than stereotypical people.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

VagueResemblance said:


> Actually, no. I don't.
> 
> 'All females have abusive traits' was posted so you could hopefully see the faults with that statement. After all...are you abusive?
> 
> ...


I would like to split this topic into another one so as not to derail this topic about sexual abuse that people are trying to talk about. but i don't know how to do that on here....

Edit: I'm gonna respond to you in email, don't feel like sharing anything concerning it with these people.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

Cat Montgomery said:


> I know I am supposed to be supportive, but by you saying that you are generalizing offending half of the people on this forum. There is nothing on this planet I hate more than stereotypical people.


OK. you don't have to be supportive of my opinions, such is life.


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