# BDD - I want to like what i see in the mirror!



## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

I've come to the realisation that I don't want to keep living... unless I feel "pretty". I know a lot of people on here see a deformed version of themselves, I definitely do not. I know I obsess over my looks every single day and there are so many things I would like to change about my appearance. With a lot of BDD sufferers, even after they've "transformed" themselves ie plastic surgery, they still feel like there's a lot to change. My obsession with looking pretty is taking over my life, grades are dropping, 0 social life lol I'm pretty miserable. I have a list on my phone, things I'd like to change and when I think each cosmetic procedure is achievable.

Whenever I talk about BDD, I feel like I need to write down a list of the things I want, idk why, maybe I think that if I write it out enough times, itll motivate me to work and actual pay for these procedures.

1) full face of fillers: 
- cheek filler (maybe 2ml in each cheek)
- chin filler (to elongate my chin)
- tear trough filler (get rid of eye bags)
- forehead filler (my forehead sticks out in all the wrong places)
- nose filler (bump on nose and it is pretty flat) 

I've looked into costs, I can get the cheek/nose/forehead/chin for £550 under an Asian package. The tear trough filler costs £350. And I need to get these done every year. So £900 a year. 

I'd also like to get inner thigh, inner knee and cankle lipo. All 3 will probably cost me £6000. 

I am also looking into getting a hair transplant, I feel like my hairline is weird and patchy and too thin on my temples. I will probably get this at the same time as my forehead filler. 

My list is actually in the order that I want it. I want my face to have more shape which is why it's 1st, then I want to work on my lower body and lastly, I'd like to work on my hairline which I can currently hide with accessories. I am also looking into semi permenant makeup like microbladed eyebrows and permenant lip colour. I'm still in the process of clearing up my skin but I finally know what has been causing breakouts all these years.

I wish I had a friend to go through all of this with me. Not even a "friend" just someone who is interested in cosmetic procedures and is working hard to earn money to pay for it. Just someone to motivate me I guess. I'm not exactly good at maintaining relationships and I think most relationships are based on people using each other so, in this case having a "friend" to go through all these procedures with me would be really nice.

I think most people will leave hate because of my post. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I know what I want. I am currently studying but hopefully I gain motivation to get a part time job and start saving up. 

Thanks for reading  

I am going to go back to studying, I feel a little more calm. I hope I can find someone to share this experience with.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I don't think you'll get much hate on here about this - we get a lot of people with BDD, it happens regularly.

Have you ever thought about talking to a therapist about all this instead of worrying about saving your money for surgery? 

Welcome to SAS too btw.


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## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

harrison said:


> I don't think you'll get much hate on here about this - we get a lot of people with BDD, it happens regularly.
> 
> Have you ever thought about talking to a therapist about all this instead of worrying about saving your money for surgery?
> 
> Welcome to SAS too btw.


Thank you. I have considered it but I honestly don't see the point, I don't think I can accept myself the way I am


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

I'm fast every day to stay lean and skinny. Think Jesus on the cross look, that's what I shoot for.


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## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

Alex4You said:


> I'm fast every day to stay lean and skinny. Think Jesus on the cross look, that's what I shoot for.


I don't believe in god. So that doesn't help me. I'm glad it works for you


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

RouteToHappiness said:


> I don't believe in god. So that doesn't help me. I'm glad it works for you


I don't believe in god either. Haven't you seen a crucifix or some other depiction of jesus on the cross?? I just said I aim for that look minus the cross and crown of thorns lol.


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## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

Alex4You said:


> RouteToHappiness said:
> 
> 
> > I don't believe in god. So that doesn't help me. I'm glad it works for you
> ...


Ooh sorry! Lol I didn't read your comment properly. You want to look exactly like him? Beard + hair? Everything? I guess we are perfectionists


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## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

Alex4You said:


> Think Jesus on the cross look, that's what I shoot for.


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

RouteToHappiness said:


> Ooh sorry! Lol I didn't read your comment properly. You want to look exactly like him? Beard + hair? Everything? I guess we are perfectionists


maybe not the beard and hair. haha. i meant to say just the body.


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## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

Alex4You said:


> RouteToHappiness said:
> 
> 
> > Ooh sorry! Lol I didn't read your comment properly. You want to look exactly like him? Beard + hair? Everything? I guess we are perfectionists
> ...


He is very skinny.. as long as your BMI is normal you should be good


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

CloudChaser said:


>


oh my word


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## RouteToHappiness (Sep 12, 2017)

CloudChaser said:


> Alex4You said:
> 
> 
> > Think Jesus on the cross look, that's what I shoot for.


Still, his boobs are bigger than mine. I'm pretty jealous


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## Jolese (Jan 4, 2005)

It's great to want to look pretty to a ceratain extent, but when you say "I don't want to live unless I feel pretty" that sounds troubling. Your looks are only one small aspect of who you are and honestly they don't matter too much. Much more important are the other aspects of who you are - your morals, your heart, your kindness. Society is always giving out this message that young women should be these super hot perfect face, great hair, 10 bod. That whole expectation is NOT REALISTIC. I think the same message is also sent to young men too.

What about people who are disfigured? Or who have developed an illness? Or maybe they just don't have great looks? Their lives are just as worthwhile as the glam queen/king. You have to make the choice about what you set your priorities on. Don't let your quest for good looks go too far.


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