# do you feel like people are people?



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

people online feel very different to people irl. and people i feel close to online feel different from people i feel close to irl. and in general i don't feel like people are people but obstacles - this is more irl than online. i know people online have feelings etc and sometimes i see that. i guess the same goes for people in real life that i avoid/keep at a distance.


sorry if the poll options are a bit random/nonsense.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I barely interact with people in real life now so I dunno about that. I'm not close with people online but I see people as real usually. I mean some people are fake designed characters, but I still imagine someone behind their fake designed character.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I don't like real people cause apparently they're all better than me, any I've met anyway, why do they posture so ?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I was thinking of that video too.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think when you're not close, comparing online and irl, you're in a person's presence and have a visual understanding it's another human being you're talking to, just not invested in them enough to consider their human status (do they have family, a job, affiliations). Online it's words generated via a computer so it feels like a bunch of nameless, faceless entities just shooting off words anonymously. It can feel very inhuman.

But once you get to a point of familiarity, I feel they become more real. Even if you don't talk to them. Using the forum as an example, their username becomes part of the identity and you associate their posts are part of their personality and can start to associate them as a someone.

As for feeling differently regarding closeness, I think online provides an intimate, internal look at someone where the walls generally go down and you can talk about things that may be harder to when you have the person right in front of you. There's something about the living, breathing, physical human presence and eye contact that suddenly feels like the walls are necessary and keeping up some kind of facade.

Online it's like you can share your soul in a weird way, without feeling as judged or in someone's personal space. I don't know, that's just how it seems to me.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

I've had many online friends in the past, but now that I've lost every last one, I've come to not care for online friendships anymore. Now that losing those online friends has left me lonelier than ever, I've realized making IRL friends should be my priority. I constantly used online friends in middle and high school to make up for not having pretty much any IRL ones but they all moved on with no hope of me re-contacting them, unlike if they had been ones I had IRL. I was much more forgettable online, after all. (Ironically enough, even though it was the only place I thought I could be myself.).

I've disagreed with the fact that online friends can't be genuine, as they were some of the most realest friendships I felt I have had, but that was just because they were one of the only things remotely close to a real friendship I've experienced. With how different I personally acted online and IRL I'm sure that still left of many of them questionable. 

If most of those online friends had met with me IRL, they would have rejected me just like many other people and be incredibly disappointed once they see what an unconfident, SA-riddled loser I actually am. Which actually happened with one online friend that I had known for over 5-6 years and with who I used to chat with on Skype every single day. After she met me IRL for the first time, she started talking to me online much less and after the second, she stopped talking to me completely. I'm sure she was expecting a completely different kind of person, not someone who could barely even make eye contact... ffs So I'm done going out of my way trying to make online connections just in order to make up for my lack of physical ones. Even though now I'm pretty friendless both IRL and online, having online friends will continue to do nothing for me if I don't fix my physical social life. 

After writing this rant, I'm not sure if you were asking about people online in general, friends or not. My contact with other people online has been much more short-lived and loose, so I don't have as much experience with it. I only really kept to my respective online friend circles when it came to chatting with other people...


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

AffinityWing said:


> After writing this rant, I'm not sure if you were asking about people online in general, friends or not. My contact with other people online has been much more short-lived and loose, so I don't have as much experience with it. I only really kept to my respective online friend circles when it came to chatting with other people...


yeah I was comparing how I think of online ppl with offline ppl etc when I made the thread. I don't really have online friends anymore either, not for a long time. some online ppl I seemed to realise kind of suddenly as being more fully ppl. which is not a level of intimacy I really wanted or expected from ppl I don't even directly interact with. so idk it's weird.


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## TheForestWasDark (May 23, 2015)

Nopeee. I think squirrels are squirrels. They dont care about doing the dirty on ur fence in ur backyard!! but people are trapped in this state of who they should project to the world and tie their ego to everything.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I think people act very strangely online - they say things they obviously would never say to someone in person. (me included of course)

I also think it's very important to limit the amount of time you spend online in general - it's not an accurate indication of real life.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Maybe they're not people


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Maybe they're not people


What were people like in the 80s?


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Suchness said:


> What were people like in the 80s?


 In general? A lot more innocent. (Not sure if that's the right term)


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> In general? A lot more innocent. (Not sure if that's the right term)


Idk if I'd say they were innocent. Gen X was way more rebellious than the millennials ever were.

I'd have to say people were less jaded then. More open and involved.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

funnynihilist said:


> Idk if I'd say they were innocent. Gen X was way more rebellious than the millennials ever were.
> 
> I'd have to say people were less jaded then. More open and involved.


 Hmmm. I'm not really sure what the word I'm really looking for is. I mean, not totally innocent. No. Of course not. I guess it just seems that way in comparison when you're disillusioned with what's going on now.

Of course I was pretty disillusioned with then at the time but I kind of made a certain peace with it and accepted it in a way. Kinda not able to do that now.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

Growing up with Gen X sucked for me. Arseholes everywhere. People were more small minded and the world was much smaller. There was no help. No escape. No internet to meet like minded people. It was a smaller, horrible world. I wish I was a millennial then I wouldn't have been so isolated in my teens and early 20's and I wouldn't have just given up to hide away and live in my head.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> In general? A lot more innocent. (Not sure if that's the right term)


In general and specifically like the different groups that were around, etc.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Suchness said:


> In general and specifically like the different groups that were around, etc.


 Well, I wasn't too "plugged in" in those days (and never really have been) but most people I knew back then seemed that way to me. Not that there were not sophisticated people around. I would just say the majority of people would have seemed very naive compared to now.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Well, I wasn't too "plugged in" in those days (and never really have been) but most people I knew back then seemed that way to me. Not that there were not sophisticated people around. I would just say the majority of people would have seemed very naive compared to now.


Ah yeah, makes sense. In the 90's the world still felt very young so I can imagine it felt that way even more in the 80s.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I'll admit that on this forum (for example) that people who have posted actual pictures of themselves seem more like people to me. Not that everyone else doesn't, necessarily. Just that it's easier for me to bear in mind that this is a real person and not just a collection of words on the screen. 

I mean, of course I know that but sometimes it's easy to forget it when someone has gone out of their way to subvert any and everything you've tried to say. Yes. At that point a person starts to seem more like a purpose-built obstacle. I think most people can fall into that line of thinking when they encounter a higher than normal level of friction from other people. It's kinda hard not to. :lol

I think it's hard to get a good feel for who a person is when you're taking what they've written out of context of everything else they've ever written. Like if you just now encountered a person and they're pissing you off, you might not have a clear idea of who you're talking to.

(The poll is confusing and has too many options. :lol )


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## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

I feel like all people are people, but sometimes my mind will blend some people into one person and it can be hard to separate them unless I start finding out more about each person.


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## Harveykinkle (Apr 26, 2019)

People are a bit like puzzles to me. You start out with a piece or two and you may have some concept of the whole picture but you're also aware that without getting a lot more pieces you could be way off.


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

Harveykinkle said:


> People are a bit like puzzles to me. You start out with a piece or two and you may have some concept of the whole picture but you're also aware that without getting a lot more pieces you could be way off.


I was sorta gonna say this, so uhh, what Harvey said.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

It's easier to approach conversations with people online than in the environment, because in the environment I have to find social locations to approach conversations with people.

Approaching conversations online is more communicationable with people for me.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

You know. Now that you mention it. I have met people from the internet IRL a few times and frankly, I feel like when I actually meet a real person, "things get real". Like when I'm communicating with them online, I'm very comfortable with it. I guess it's because most people are kind of the same online. Whether it's a college professor or a janitor, I can usually deal with them without being intimidated. If I meet just a normal person IRL, my anxiety goes through the roof and I can barely say two words. 

So yeah. Sometimes the contrast between how things seem online and how things really are is really jolting.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I think people online seem different - I sometimes think about it on here. A lot of people we don't even know what they look like - we just get this strange idea from what they've said, how they say it - and also strangely enough from their avatar. I'm always still aware that it's a real person there - but I definitely would like to know what they actually look like.

Just talking to people like this is nowhere near enough for me. It's okay to a certain extent but it feels strange a lot of the time. 

I've met a few people from here years ago and it was interesting. They always seem totally different when you actually sit with them and have a drink or something. The image you have of them from a screen is not reliable.


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## That Random Guy (Jan 31, 2015)

*!*

I'm probably alone in how I treat online "relationships"---if we can call them that---and a lot of this has to do with the fact that I spent the majority of my childhood on the net.

I ventured out into the unknown and found weird chat sites where I would talk to people. I only acted as a child would and also took things in as a child would.

As time moved on, it quickly became apparent that I kept meeting people and then passing them by. Nothing (for me) was ever static or genuine. Everything was superficial and simply done as a means to pass the time.

Part of that _might_ have been attributed to the fact that my social skills have always been poor but through my experience of that time, I came to the conclusion that no one would ever really care for me. There was absolutely no reason to (and vice versa). Childhood aside, I've felt that for nearly every other means of electronic communication where I don't personally know the person.

It doesn't mean I won't feel empathy for people or that I won't take interest in what people say but rather that I simply don't find any discourse held leading to anything special.

The fact remains-and this is solely for me-that I don't know you. You're all strangers to me. Yes, we suffer similar tragedies but I don't know anyone on the net as I do with my closest of acquaintances.

To sum it up: I barely understand real relationships with people, why would I be expected to treat online communication any different? Emoticons and tones only express so much. :stu


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

people are generally good-hearted.

people are weird and terrifying.

i see myself in other people.

i'm scared of other people.

i'm scared of myself.

i'm like reformed Angel, i drink pig's blood instead but i could turn into a monster at any time.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Wow that is a very involved poll, OP, nice, I like it.

Not sure I understand what you meant by the "people feel like obstacles" option, though.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)




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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Hi @probably offline, hope you've been keeping well &#128578;


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

@blue2 Ahoy! I'm doing good, thanks. Ditto~


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

probably offline said:


> @blue2 Ahoy! I'm doing good, thanks. Ditto~


 I feel like I have just spotted a rare bird or something. :lol


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I feel like I have just spotted a rare bird or something. :lol


Haha. *rare pokemon gif*


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## sunnysideupp2 (Jun 12, 2019)

Suchness said:


> What were people like in the 80s?


probably a lot of funj


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

sunnysideupp2 said:


> probably a lot of funj


I hope so.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Online pple don't really become real to me til we're doing voice or video chat as evidenced by zero anxiety or issues over text, but the moment I see or hear them and it's just a normal interaction the regular responses come back. Texting someone I've never met- they might be an AI for all I know. I know they're a person as I still care abt my wording, hurting feelings and ****, but it's a very nebulous idea of a person rather than them feeling real/solid.

Irl I experience pple as a bit hyper real, going abt all this important **** in reality. I feel a bit less real as I'm not as actively engaged in life as "real" pple seem to be. Not as solid, not as attached. Observing rather than engaging. There's definitely a bit of my dissociation and disconnection from my feelings/experience **** mixed up in there. What can I say, this ***** stans therapy.


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## SASsier1 (Jun 19, 2019)

If you're attractive and charismatic, then people will be kind, warm, and open to you. However, if you're ugly, unlikeable, the wrong ethnicity, etc. - then people are going to be cruel, abusive, and belittling to you. 

People are very different towards different people. That's very obvious in customer service interactions - the same employee will be curt and condescending to me, and then make a 180 and be smiley, genuine, and respectful to the next customer. 

People's online personas are definitely affected by how they're seen and treated IRL. I won't touch most posters on SAS, and any other site, because they're appealing to me and therefore intimidating to me. 

I find that I'm more comfortable with ISTJ types because they're the opposite of me, their personalities/worldview are not glamorized, and they're not what I find innately appealing. 

People who are "cool," attractive, artsy, creative, and popular within their subcultures scare me, and I'm intimidated by them. Therefore, I cannot be my real self - I'll be anxious, and that comes across in my online communications or IRL. 

People who are married, have a significant other, or are successful with dating come across far more likeable, charismatic, and attractive than I do. So they live very different lives, people see and interact with them differently, and they cannot relate to me. 

People who are unattractive, hated, NEETs, incels, etc. - are more comfortable and unintimidating to me. That's when I can relax and be my real self.


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## SorryForMyEnglish (Oct 9, 2014)

I don't feel like people. I feel like an alien.

As someone who has been spending a lot of time online as a substitute for real life communication I didn't have, I think of every person on the internet as a person behind the screen. That's also partly because if someone was considering me just words and not a person and I would somehow get to know that then I would feel frustrated and sad. So I understand the humanity of those people because that's something I also am.

However, when it comes to actually knowing someone, you can only get to know them in real life. Posts and online communication don't represent a person. I used to think otherwise, but unfortunately I had to experience something ****ty :flush:flush:flush first-handedly to be violently thrown into realization that that was not the case uke.

As for one on one communication, I would prefer real life one or at least in a call or something. That's because of the ''online relationship'' I had once that was ''presented'' to me as a ''real, serious, huge thing'' and then was swept away as just an ''online thing''. It is true that real life communication is more authentic and how the communication is supposed to be. But I don't think I'm ready for communicating with people closely so far, even online. I just have nothing to offer.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

probably offline said:


>


Hah snap (I posted that music video too earlier in the thread.)


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> I think when you're not close, comparing online and irl, you're in a person's presence and have a visual understanding it's another human being you're talking to, just not invested in them enough to consider their human status (do they have family, a job, affiliations). Online it's words generated via a computer so it feels like a bunch of nameless, faceless entities just shooting off words anonymously. It can feel very inhuman.
> 
> But once you get to a point of familiarity, I feel they become more real. Even if you don't talk to them. Using the forum as an example, their username becomes part of the identity and you associate their posts are part of their personality and can start to associate them as a someone.
> 
> ...


This is pretty much why I talk about things online that I'm not allowed to talk about in real life.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Hah snap (I posted that music video too earlier in the thread.)


Haha oops. Well, it's a good jam!


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## SASsier1 (Jun 19, 2019)

People generally like people more if they see/meet them in person. But the opposite is true for me. People almost always become cold and condescending to me after they see me in person - when they were warm and friendly over email/messaging, before they ever saw me in person. 

I find that people's online personas are quite similar to what they're like in person. There's never any real surprise. Your posts are you. 

People's online content reflect how they're seen and treated IRL. If life is unfair to them IRL, that's reflected in how they feel, think, write, and post. 

I can totally tell if people online are reasonably attractive and have good experience dating or being in relationships - even I don't see any pictures of them. Reasonably attractive, likeable people get the jobs and lives they deserve. That's reflected in their posts, messaging, etc.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

SASsier1 said:


> People generally like people more if they see/meet them in person. But the opposite is true for me. People almost always become cold and condescending to me after they see me in person - when they were warm and friendly over email/messaging, before they ever saw me in person.
> 
> *I find that people's online personas are quite similar to what they're like in person. There's never any real surprise. Your posts are you.*
> 
> ...


I can't say I agree with you on that. I don't think it does really show what a person's like in real life. People can type away all they like on here but in real life they can be very different indeed. I'm sure if you met some of the people that appear confident (or at least very wordy) online (especially on here) - in real life they would be far less talkative or willing to express their views. I think a lot of people use places like his to express themselves, have little fights with each other etc - because they aren't able to in real life.


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

i dunno what people are. people are bio-organic processes. people are relationships. people are transience. people are narratives.


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## Not Human (Apr 1, 2018)

Everything is an illusion. I guess we are only fooling ourselves thinking too much about everything.


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