# 100 Conversations Challenge!



## Andrew Goad (Jun 19, 2016)

Hey guys! I was inspired by a member's post on this forum about his 21 Day Bravery Challenge, and I wanted to start a challenge of my own!

I know that in my past (and even present day) starting conversations with people can be scary!

Here is a video I recorded about the 100 Conversations challenge, and how we can use challenges to help ourselves overcome SA!






Cheers, Andrew


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Hi Andrew! Welcome to SAS. Awesome way to start out, too.

So how's Canada, eh? Sorry, I couldn't think of a more interesting question.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Man, I did something similar. The thing is I dunno how to make the results permanent, as soon as I stop the conversations with strangers (girls), the anxiety comes back fully.

And what results I had ! I was blown away by the results only after a few hundred conversations. My social phobia almost cured, and I had it bad, like panic attacks and stuff even when going to buy something. First time I was so happy, I remember being able to ask out and date a really hot girl with little to no anxiety. But it didn't last, in a week or 2 the phobia came back. So I had to do the conversations all over again. I did like 30/day, it took 4-5 hours. And I was cured again in ~2 weeks. But still the phobia came back again, full blown panic attacks and I was back from where I started.

I did a 3rd round, coupled with CBT, and the same stuff, as soon as I stooped the daily conversations boom, I was back at the beginning.

What am I doing wrong ? Should I do them daily for several months ? When do I know the results are permanent ?

They are really painful to do if you have severe SA.


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## Amina01 (Jul 2, 2016)

It seems like you would continue doing the conversations until you feel no anxiety about them at all. Like, if you'd prefer to not have the conversations, then that means you need to keep having them. RenegadeReloaded, when you stopped doing the conversations, were you still feeling any anxiety still about doing them? I'm curious.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Amina01 said:


> It seems like you would continue doing the conversations until you feel no anxiety about them at all. Like, if you'd prefer to not have the conversations, then that means you need to keep having them. RenegadeReloaded, when you stopped doing the conversations, were you still feeling any anxiety still about doing them? I'm curious.


Yes, I would still fell anxiety, I would say like half as it was when I started the conversations. But you know what's very strange ? That in all other social interactions my social phobia was almost gone, like almost completely.

Maybe the explanation is that I conditioned my brain to associate conversations with random girls on the street with anxiety, like Pavlov's dog was conditioned, you know ?

But maybe you're right, I should keep pushing until all fear is gone. Jesus, that would take many months I guess...


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

I think the thing to do is keep at it. You may not need to go out and force yourself to do conversations after a while. You may want to have more conversations with people naturally as your anxiety decreases, and when you make friends with people you meet (I'm guessing this didn't happen for you, RenegadeReloaded) you might not need to force yourself to chat up strangers as much. It could come about naturally. Of course, if you think "why bother" after a while and you feel some anxiety because you've not been talking to random people as much, you will feel more anxiety in place of the void of not talking to random people.


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## Andrew Goad (Jun 19, 2016)

Hey RenegadeReloaded,

I think the first thing that I would say is it is amazing that you have made such powerful progress. It's really great to see that what you were and are doing is having such positive results!

I also get that it is probably really painful going through those experiences and exposures, healing yourself, and then having things unravel again.

I think the one thing I would say is that our brains can be pretty hard wired, and that change, and especially lasting change, takes time.

For me, I know that when I first started working through social anxiety, it felt as if nothing was working! But if I think back to it, I had already been suffering with social anxiety for about 15 years before I started working through it, so I think it was a little bit naive of me to think it would change IMMEDIATELY.

Anyway, the take away here: I think you are actually doing great. And I would say keep at it. 

For a more permanent fix: Start to incorporate mini social challenges into your day, that just become part of your lifestyle. This is the main thing I am starting to do, and it is making a huge difference. Eventually it will become a habit, and will likely become much more sustainable and permanent moving forward!

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you had social anxiety for?


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## Andrew Goad (Jun 19, 2016)

Rufus said:


> Hi Andrew! Welcome to SAS. Awesome way to start out, too.
> 
> So how's Canada, eh? Sorry, I couldn't think of a more interesting question.


Haha, not a problem :smile2:

I live in Toronto, which is a pretty awesome city.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Andrew Goad said:


> Haha, not a problem :smile2:
> 
> I live in Toronto, which is a pretty awesome city.


I was in Toronto on a vacation several years ago and it was very nice. My family and I went to an island off the coast which was cool and up the CN tower where you can walk on a glass floor. Have you been to the US?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

You just get to the point where you feel comfortable talking period.
There are still times when I have to work myself up to make a phone call - like a repair or something like that, and even stutter (which I don't normally do, but the anxietythrows my words), I correct myself and they don't even say anything.

It took practice to get there - and noticing how open the other party is. The thing I would say is - shift the thinking from "are they going to judge me" to "what cues do I need to pick up from the other person or things around me". It's using the anxious thinking in a different direction that can actually help us.

I have already noticed that in stressful situations, we actually thrive because we are used to the nerves that other people aren't.


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## pied vert (Jan 23, 2016)

I don't want to use all my data so I didn't watch the video, but I saw this just now and sat still and panicked at the reality of right now, and then asked the girl next to me about the book she had. She seemed shy about it too and the convo died after 4 sentences. 
But woo! No preplanning, just did it


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## Andrew Goad (Jun 19, 2016)

pied vert said:


> I don't want to use all my data so I didn't watch the video, but I saw this just now and sat still and panicked at the reality of right now, and then asked the girl next to me about the book she had. She seemed shy about it too and the convo died after 4 sentences.
> But woo! No preplanning, just did it


Amazing! Great on you. Just remember that is all it takes! Little steps.

You'll also likely start to build up social momentum, and each time it will get easier and easier to connect with people! Great work.


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## pied vert (Jan 23, 2016)

^^ thank you, I believe you!


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