# Is Sex Necessary For a Relationship?



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I was talking about this with my therapist today. I said I didn't really want to have "intercourse" per se with a significant other. I'd be fine with fore-play and such, but I'm not too keen on the actual act. Plus, I have religious reasons which play into my distaste of it as well.

I don't see why sex is necessary to have a romantic relationship. I think it keeps the mystique and fire alive having something like that to refrain from. If someone truly loves me, he or she (I'm questioning), should be able to live with the fact that I might never want to go "all the way".

What do you guys think? Does that mean I'll never have a relationship? Am I doomed to be alone because of this? Would you have a relationship with someone that didn't want to have full-on intercourse?


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

Well I would never considering being with someone who wouldn't have sex with me. yes sex is very important.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

im a guy and i really dont think sex is necessary


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## NumeroUno (Oct 23, 2009)

I think it is.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Oh good question! 
I want to say that no it's not necessary because that's how I'd prefer it as well. 
But I don't think many would agree. 

I think if your partner wants to but you don't it's gonna lead to a bunch of problems and it's probably not gonna work out in the end.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Kennnie said:


> im a guy and i really dont think sex is necessary


That's surprising. :b I expected that all men would disagree.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I don't it's necessary for everyone but it would be for me in the long term. It's one of the most intimate ways to show someone you care about them and most people have the natural urge to have sex if they're attracted to someone.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Monroee said:


> That's surprising. :b I expected that all men would disagree.


 yea, i guess im different


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Monroee said:


> What do you guys think? Does that mean I'll never have a relationship? Am I doomed to be alone because of this? Would you have a relationship with someone that didn't want to have full-on intercourse?


Not necessarily. You would be compatible with, for instance, some asexuals and people with certain disabilities.



Monroee said:


> If someone truly loves me, he or she (I'm questioning), should be able to live with the fact that I might never want to go "all the way".


People find they have to break up all the time (or not form a relationship in the first place) for various reasons despite loving each other. It's the same in this case. It depends on the person and how strong their drive is, and so on. I can live without the full act, though it can be hard, but I'm not typical.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

I know some people who are married and yet who are virgins.

Relationship works differently for everyone. It's all about meeting the person who wants the same things as you do.


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## tcv (Mar 2, 2010)

Are you specifically talking about pre-marital relationships or all?


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

Monroee said:


> That's surprising. :b I expected that all men would disagree.


Nice sexism. Now get back to the kitchen.

Different people have different levels of desire and sense of what they want. There are people out there who don't want sex at all, but they're definitely in a steep minority.


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## Cody88 (Apr 3, 2011)

I think it's necessary. Without sex I could still love the significant other but it would kinda hurt that they wouldn't want to go all the way with me. I see sex as adding the spice into a relationship. One of the most expressive ways of showing love to someone. It's like love is a fire, but sex is the fuel for that fire for most people.


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## Mellah (Nov 10, 2003)

I think for some people it isn't - and thats fine, but to me it is.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Cody88 said:


> One of the most expressive ways of showing love to someone. It's like love is a fire, but sex is the fuel for that fire for most people.


If you want to let someone know how much you love them, you can try doing the dishes or taking out the trash without being asked.

Sex is just sex. It's an expression of lust, not love.


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## Donatello (Mar 22, 2011)

Certainly. 

The "mystique and fire" you'd be building up is sexual tension, and without a release for that amongst each other I can't see the relationship being anything more than very close friends. 

Tell you what though, it'd be impressive if you managed to find a guy who does that for you. You'd have a thoroughly whipped slave!


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

For a long term relationship sex drive has to be satisfied somehow. It's a basic human need. It will be fulfilled or people get frustrated, stressed, and feel unloved and ignored. Probably 9/10ths of the relationship forums are about someone feeling unloved and considering cheating or leaving because of the lack of sex. Plenty of them have partners who take out the trash, do the dishes, watch the kids, etc... but they still feel they are missing something. A type of intimacy and closeness is not there. Short term it may be fun and exciting for some to wait (not me)and I'm sure you can find someone that is willing to wait until marriage but long term it just becomes stressful. No one is really going to be willing to go through a marriage or promise of forever with no sex life.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

rednosereindeer said:


> Sex is just sex. It's an expression of lust, not love.


It can be both.


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## Cody88 (Apr 3, 2011)

Akane said:


> For a long term relationship sex drive has to be satisfied somehow. It's a basic human need. It will be fulfilled or people get frustrated, stressed, and feel unloved and ignored. Probably 9/10ths of the relationship forums are about someone feeling unloved and considering cheating or leaving because of the lack of sex. Plenty of them have partners who take out the trash, do the dishes, watch the kids, etc... but they still feel they are missing something. A type of intimacy and closeness is not there. Short term it may be fun and exciting for some to wait (not me)and I'm sure you can find someone that is willing to wait until marriage but long term it just becomes stressful. No one is really going to be willing to go through a marriage or promise of forever with no sex life.


Exactly plus giving pleasurable feelings to the one you love is love. You're making them feel good which in turn makes them feel more loved than just doing something nice. Part of human nature.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Charizard said:


> Nice sexism. Now get back to the kitchen..


:wife
Thanks for the thoughtful responses everyone! Keep 'em coming. I like to hear different viewpoints on this and everyone's personal beliefs.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Monroee said:


> I was talking about this with my therapist today. I said I didn't really want to have "intercourse" per se with a significant other. I'd be fine with fore-play and such, but I'm not too keen on the actual act. Plus, I have religious reasons which play into my distaste of it as well.
> 
> I don't see why sex is necessary to have a romantic relationship. I think it keeps the mystique and fire alive having something like that to refrain from. If someone truly loves me, he or she (I'm questioning), should be able to live with the fact that I might never want to go "all the way".
> 
> What do you guys think? Does that mean I'll never have a relationship? Am I doomed to be alone because of this? Would you have a relationship with someone that didn't want to have full-on intercourse?


She's only gonna get it from me with a ring on her finger anyway. That's pretty much where I stand - it kinda gets the guy to make a move, huh ladies?

Anyway, I would think your viewpoint might change if there was a guy you were really interested in sharing your life with. It's the "flawed mind" concept - we have SA so it clouds our thinking. It changes a bit as we get more confident.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

Mmmm...well for me and being asexual I can understand where you come from. Anxiety is not my problem as i have come the the stage where it could have happened if I allowed it to, and don't get me wrong I trusted this guy a lot, but I just wanted curl up into a little ball and cry. I don't see anything wrong with it but it's just not for me.

Though I am interested to hear what your therapist said to that!


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

jhanniffy said:


> Though I am interested to hear what your therapist said to that!


He basically said that sex is a natural part of a relationship in big, fluffy words. He didn't tell me that what I wanted was "wrong" though.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

yes

(although i've never had it)




Monroee said:


> He basically said that sex is a natural part of a relationship in big, fluffy words. He didn't tell me that what I wanted was "wrong" though.


yeah, I'd say that's a true statement


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't think what anyone wants is wrong, with the usual consenting adults or consenting equals disclaimer. 

I'm sure there are other people who feel similar to you, evidenced by a few of the posts here. And some types of sex are difficult for some people and they still have healthy, physiucally expressive relationships with a partner. Finding someone who shares your views might be a bit of a challenge, but I'd doubt that it's insurmountable.

I'm not sure doing without for a person who wants sex is a test of someone's love, though. I'd think that if one person wants sex and the other doesn't, the one who wants sex could just as easily and logically claim that his or her partner should have sex, out of love.

I would think it's best to find someone like minded, rather than to try to convert someone.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I don't think about sex the same way as I did a year ago, since my wife started having affairs.

(deep sigh)....I'm probably gonna forever get laughed at for saying this, because of the stereotypes...you know, when it comes to sex, guys are the gas, girls are the brakes...those kind of stereotypes....I think it's all bs, but those stereotypes exist.

I'm really finding it difficult to get turned on by my wife after all the affairs she had.

It's not all about getting laid, or having sex for me. It's about being turned on, it's about attraction, about wanting someone so much that you can't rip your clothes off fast enough, it's about throwing all the laundry off the bed, knocking over lamps on the nightstands, and ripping each other's clothes off, with your teeth. That's actually fun. Undressing each other without using your hands. It takes some practice, but it's a lot, a lot of fun.

I think if I was in a normal relationship, I think sex would have to play a part.


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## Nameless Someone (Oct 21, 2010)

I agree with odd one out.


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## Fragment (Mar 23, 2011)

"Okay, so fore-play is over? Time for me to go and rub one out in the bathroom, honey."

I don't think this is for me


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I could have a romantic relationship without sex. Different people think about relationships in different ways. The problem is finding the right person.

For me, romantic love and sex exist independantly, although they are related and can overlap. 

So no, I don't think sex is necessary for a relationship.


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## Salus (Feb 27, 2011)

I think it is neccessary, unless you both dont want to do it


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

Monroee said:


> I was talking about this with my therapist today. I said I didn't really want to have "intercourse" per se with a significant other. I'd be fine with fore-play and such, but I'm not too keen on the actual act. Plus, I have religious reasons which play into my distaste of it as well.
> 
> I don't see why sex is necessary to have a romantic relationship. I think it keeps the mystique and fire alive having something like that to refrain from. If someone truly loves me, he or she (I'm questioning), should be able to live with the fact that I might never want to go "all the way".
> 
> What do you guys think? Does that mean I'll never have a relationship? Am I doomed to be alone because of this? Would you have a relationship with someone that didn't want to have full-on intercourse?


 I think you can have a relationship without sex. married people do it all the time. lol. 
no seriously, anything is possible. its very possible you could change your mind about sex though. 
its a natural drive to want to be intimate. a force almost. i can't imagine not having it. but we're not all alike and what makes one person satisfied and fulfilled may not for another. im sure you will find what you're looking for in the end.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I don't think it's necessary. My ex-boyfriend was asexual and didn't want to go all the way, and I respected that and was more than willing to give sex up. That relationship went to hell though (for non sex-related reasons) and I've since become a sex-crazed hornbug so I would much prefer to incorporate sex into any future relationship I may have, but it's not crucial for me. I couldn't be in a relationship with zero intimacy though.


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## brokensaint (Aug 27, 2009)

_Vital. _


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

For the long term, yes it would be necessary for me, i would end up getting fustrated and my self confidence would go down as i would think the OP is not sexually attracted to me.

But in the beginning of a relationship, foreplay would satisfy me, although sex would be better 

However, it's not the reason why i would want a relationship - most single people i know have better sex lives than people in relationships, so its the not the main focus in a relationship. And i'm not that kind of girl, i have never had a one night stand. I need to fall for a guys personality before i consider putting out.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

Well, after many years together, sex becomes infrequent and may even cease in many marriages/relationships, yet the love is still there and, as many couples describe, can be even stronger than when they first met. True love comes from time and bonding, sex is just one form of bonding.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

The answer is up to each individuals. We dont all have the same exacts expectations and needs went it come for relationships. But as most people are sexual beings, satisfying sex is necessary for a relationship to prosper on the long term. And it would be necessary for me, i think.


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## Hell Boy (Apr 1, 2011)

I think it's possible to go without it, but why would you want to?


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## Kuyaz (Aug 2, 2009)

Who said that sex is important in order to show some one that you love them? Now I will talk from my point of view where I don't know why people now are attaching love with sex when they say "If you didn't do her she will leave you for sure", or to say to a girl "You have to do him in order for him to fall in love with you!". All these things are what makes people afraid of knowing love or falling in love. But let me till you that both the men and women need a touch or a kiss contently, as it make the two feel secure and good and that they are loved by one another even a word that comes from the heart, those things will mean more than sex that will last for 5-10 minutes. Saying that you love some one from the heart with passion will do things more than what sex will ever do. Some cultures forbids from having sex till you get married and they say that love comes after marriage not before. 

If a true relationship is what you're looking for, If someone loves you sex will be the last thing on there mind.


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## crimsoncora (Mar 29, 2011)

For me, YES!!


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

Men like sex. Women like conversations and all that good stuff. Not to say men don't like talking out their emotions. But men are wired different than women for the most part imo

But I think sex is important.


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## Hell Boy (Apr 1, 2011)

bignate said:


> Men like sex. Women like conversations and all that good stuff. Not to say men don't like talking out their emotions. But men are wired different than women for the most part imo
> 
> But I think sex is important.


You haven't got to know very many women if you think they don't like sex.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

I never said women don't. Men obviously think about sex a lot more.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

For me... it would totally depend on the situation and the person. I have a high sex drive and the sexual part of a relationship is crucial for me if I feel attracted to someone and it is also necessary for me to achieve proper bonding with a partner.

But intimacy is a huge part of the equation and if the intimacy, love, commitment and trust were there then I think that would suffice in the place of sex if sex (intercourse) was not possible. There are many ways to satisfy someone and intercourse (though very intimate and the ultimate in becoming one on many levels) is not the only avenue to achieve that 'oneness' with the person you love.

I disagree about love and lust being totally separate... they can be... but once you experience the full impact of oneness with someone that you not only feel lust/sexual attraction for but truly love... you can feel them mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and sexually... you truly become one with them at that moment. You feel and know their thoughts and feelings and they know yours.

I was once in a relationship with someone who was relatively anti-sexual and I always questioned everything about us and our connection... I was always trying to connect with him, trying to bond... but always felt held back, felt pushed away... there is nothing worse than reaching out for someone only to feel them tense up and recoil. I was also with someone who literally didn't care... a truer definition of asexual ... it felt like he was apathetic to my wants, needs, desires and feelings.

When two people love each other truly and deeply they give... they give all of themselves to the other person... when two people are giving in love then no one has to take... you don't have to think of what you are getting because all you are concentrating on is giving all that your partner wants and needs and in a true relationship they are solely focused on what you want and need so both parts of the whole are satisfied.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Saving Face said:


> Well, after many years together, sex becomes infrequent and may even cease in many marriages/relationships, yet the love is still there and, as many couples describe, can be even stronger than when they first met. True love comes from time and bonding, sex is just one form of bonding.


Ooh nicely said.

Like you said, to me I think it's about bonding. It's one more thing that brings us together as a couple - it's an experience we share together that we HOPEFULLY don't share with anyone else at the time.

I would be okay with not much sex, but I think it's a way of showing you care for someone and I would like at least every once in a while.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

> Men like sex. Women like conversations and all that good stuff. Not to say men don't like talking out their emotions. But men are wired different than women for the most part imo
> 
> But I think sex is important.


Point 1 I am female

Tonight's order of events as I gave them to my husband: Finish martial arts testing, eat soup, watch movie, have sex, read forums, have sex, fall asleep watching tv. Sadly soup is still not heated thoroughly enough and it's 11:30 so we'll be unable to fit sex twice in to the night.

Last night's order of events: Go buy groceries, stop at petco, have sex, eat supper, asked why we can't have more sex, grudgingly agreed to anime instead, told husband a sex machine was needed

Tuesday night's order of events: recovered from eating bad tartar sauce for lunch, requested sex, got shot down in favor of video game, demanded movie watching for attention sometime before bed due to lack of sex

How far back shall we go? I can link you to a whole forum of women sitting around discussing how to get their husbands to have more sex. A pretty popular and active forum too. I think it has more posts daily than this place.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

Well too bad I'm not married to a woman like you.

But dude, you can't honestly tell me women want sex more than men. Maybe in your experience with that particular guy, but you seem like a particular woman from what I read. A man can only work for so long, it's not like it's isn't constantly on our mind. I shouldn't even have to defend my statement. It's a steriotype, it's true. Every steriotype has it's loop holes. Just because a handfull of black men don't eat fried chicken, doesn't mean black people don't love fried chicken.

Just because a handfull of women like you exist, doesn't mean men still don't think about sex and want it more than a typical woman. Women like conversations. I doubt when you first met your husband for the first time ever, however that may of been, that the first thing you did was jump in the sack without ever having a conversation to feel him out so to speak. I don't know you personally, so I may be wrong.

The fact is, women who sleep around are looked down upon in some cases. Men who sleep around aren't. Maybe that comes into play with women, some women don't give a ****.

But like I said, I shouldn't have to defend that statement. Every steriotype has loopholes.


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## Kustamogen (Dec 19, 2010)

Obviously its not NEEDED.......but thats like saying you dont want a cherry on top of your sundae! or ice cream on your pie! Why not make something thats already good, better!


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Could not imagine a relationship without sexual chemistry and tension. Stirs some intense feelings


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## Desi (Nov 18, 2003)

rednosereindeer said:


> Sex is just sex. It's an expression of lust, not love.


I agree with this. And yes sex is very important. But maybe you can find a guy who shares the same religious beliefs


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

I went out with a girl who was lazy in bed, I had to do all of the work {don't worry I will spare you the details} but I was considering breaking up with her because of this so I guess having a sex life that is satifying for both partners is important.


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## Magaly (Mar 8, 2010)

bignate said:


> Men obviously think about sex a lot more.


no. It is _more culturally acceptable_ for men to talk openly about sex than for women to. This may create the illusion that men are thinking about it more.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

bignate said:


> Well too bad I'm not married to a woman like you.
> 
> But dude, you can't honestly tell me women want sex more than men. Maybe in your experience with that particular guy, but you seem like a particular woman from what I read. A man can only work for so long, it's not like it's isn't constantly on our mind. I shouldn't even have to defend my statement. It's a steriotype, it's true. Every steriotype has it's loop holes. Just because a handfull of black men don't eat fried chicken, doesn't mean black people don't love fried chicken.
> 
> ...


:blank


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## Nameless Someone (Oct 21, 2010)

bignate said:


> Well too bad I'm not married to a woman like you.
> 
> But dude, you can't honestly tell me women want sex more than men. Maybe in your experience with that particular guy, but you seem like a particular woman from what I read. A man can only work for so long, it's not like it's isn't constantly on our mind. I shouldn't even have to defend my statement. It's a steriotype, it's true. Every steriotype has it's loop holes. Just because a handfull of black men don't eat fried chicken, doesn't mean black people don't love fried chicken.
> 
> ...


Lol, wtf?


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Sex is about passion. I think it's possible to have a relationship without passion, but both people would need to be content with it. Only it would be more like having a soulmate/friend. And it's hard to believe that someone would want that sort of relationship if they are in love, unless of course they are asexual. I don't desire sex that much myself, but that's cause I'm single and the idea of doing it with random people never appealed to me. I would be more enthusiastic about it if I were in a relationship with someone I'm crazy about.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

^ +1

Without passion, a relationship becomes frustrating.

The value of beauty comes from its implications of intimacy. Playing with a man that way is the ultimate tease, and it's not fun in any way, shape, or form.

If you need a spiritual justification for having sex, remember that the sex drive comes from your body, not your mind, so it's OK to think of sex in terms of relief rather than pleasure.

The main question at hand is childbearing though, so I sympathize with what you're saying. It's just that you have to make choices, especially in today's era of information technology and social networking.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

bignate said:


> Men like sex. Women like conversations and all that good stuff. Not to say men don't like talking out their emotions. But men are wired different than women for the most part imo
> 
> But I think sex is important.


I like sex too :stu


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## Duke of Prunes (Jul 20, 2009)

Yes, it is necessary.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Monroee said:


> That's surprising. :b I expected that all men would disagree.


He's just trying to get in your pants.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I hate putting people into categories, summing up how a whole group of people, a whole segment of society behaves in one sentence...

Everybody's different, but in my experience, women want it just as much as men. Not sure this has to become a conversation (once again) about men vs women, man-bashing or woman-bashing.

There've been times when my wife (when we were still "together") would want it, like non-stop, when the kids were gone, all weekend long. I mean, non-stop. Wake up, have sex, drink water to stay hydrated, sleep, wake up, have sex...repeat...

Yeah, her having affairs kind of ruined that for me. Something about her coming home at 3:00 in the morning on a weeknight, & me kissing her lips, without knowing where they've been...well, kinda turned me off.

But I don't see any difference really between the sex drives of a lot of women vs men. Maybe some of it has to do with age, maybe it depends on the relationship you're in, maybe it depends on a lot of things...

Don't see how you can say women want it less, though...

Talk about sweeping generalizations & putting people into neat, convenient little catagories...


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## TheShine (Apr 1, 2011)

Sex at the right time(not too soon, and not too late) can be a huge boost to a relationship. If done at the right time, it enhances not only the physical connection between you two, but also the emotional connection. Just don't rush into it and let it come naturally and you'll be fine.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Daktoria said:


> The value of beauty comes from its implications of intimacy. Playing with a man that way is the ultimate tease, and it's not fun in any way, shape, or form.


Not sure if this was directed at me or not, but I'll respond anyways. I would never not a tell a potential significant other about my reservations. I would make it clear in the beginning somehow. I don't believe in leading people on and toying with them that way.

Perhaps I should focus my efforts on asexuals or soft lesbians. (Yes, I just made that term up LOL.) 



StevenGlansberg said:


> He's just trying to get in your pants.


Hahahaha.


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## Cody88 (Apr 3, 2011)

Monroee said:


> Not sure if this was directed at me or not, but I'll respond anyways. I would never not a tell a potential significant other about my reservations. I would make it clear in the beginning somehow. I don't believe in leading people on and toying with them that way.
> 
> Perhaps I should focus my efforts on asexuals or soft lesbians. (Yes, I just made that term up LOL.)


Haha that's a new term  Anyways that's fine since you would tell them up front about any reservations to sex. To each their own :b


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## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

Yessir. For me anyways.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

At this point I don't really care about it much anymore. I've survived without sex for almost 36 years, so I know I can live without it. I've been alone my entire life...sure it would be nice, but I'd rather have companionship. Given the choice between a relationship without sex or spending the rest of my life alone, its not a difficult decision as to which I would rather have. Maybe I would feel differently if I had experienced it in the past and knew what it was like, but I've been alone for too many years to place much value on it. Loneliness is far more painful and difficult for me to deal with than sexual frustration.


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## msbxa (Mar 24, 2011)

No. Not for all. Every relationship is different.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

It is necessary if you want to be, and it's not neccessary if you don't want it to be. The complicated part is finding a partner who agrees with how necessary you think sex is.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Yes, it is necessary. And it should be enjoyable and initiated by both partners. It would just be a good friendship/roommate/co-op type of relationship otherwise. 

But my parents, they have never had sex...nooo...


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I don't think so.

But I think you'll find that most people disagree.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Paraplegics or quadriplegics manage to find relationships. However, if you aren't on the same page with your gf/bf sexually, things won't be comfortable. 

No guy will ever go into a relationship expecting sex and get so enamored with your personality, he refrains until marriage.


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## Steelfox (Nov 10, 2003)

For me it doesn't matter if sex is necessary or not. I have a birth defect that prevents me from having sex so of course it isn't necessary for me. I do however feel that it is necessary for everyone else. In a way it is nice because I know I would mess up any relationship I was in but because of not being able to have sex, women seem to like me more because they know I'm not just trying to get in their paints lol. I end up with a lot of "girlfriends" but don't have to worry about messing up the relationship.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

I think a good sex life is really what adds passion and spice into a relationship. I'm sure there are some truly HAPPY couples out there who don't have sex, but for me sex is pretty vital. I wouldn't be in a relationship if there was no sex.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

bignate said:


> Men like sex. Women like conversations and all that good stuff.


I'd rather have sex with someone that I like than sit around talking about my ~feelings~ all day.

To reply to the main topic, it's definitely possible to have a loving and satisfying relationship without sex. It just hinges on the individuals involved and their respective libidos, views on sex, etc. There are many people who don't have sex for a lot of reasons, but are still in healthy relationships, so I don't think it will prevent you from finding someone else who shares your pov.

For me personally, it's very important. I think I would have a very hard time being in a relationship that didn't involve sex.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

sophieness07 said:


> Why not just call him my good friend instead of my boyfriend then? .


Hmm.. You're not the first one who mentioned this. Personally, couples do other intimate things other than sex. Such as kissing, cuddling, fondling etc. I wouldn't call someone "just a friend" who did those things. Remember, I'm talking specifically about intercourse, not all the other goodies.


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## Donatello (Mar 22, 2011)

Monroee said:


> Hmm.. You're not the first one who mentioned this. Personally, couples do other intimate things other than sex. Such as kissing, cuddling, fondling etc. I wouldn't call someone "just a friend" who did those things. Remember, I'm talking specifically about intercourse, not all the other goodies.


You'd be the ultimate tease! :lol

Also, all the posts in here that start with "No, but i'm a virgin"...


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am a virgin, but I want to have sex. 

So yes, it would be very important to me.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Yessir!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Sex, and loads of it. If I've got men ready to be sent into battle there is no reason not to be fornicating.


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## Think_For_Yourself (Dec 7, 2010)

Absolutely not. Why everyone thinks having sex is such a monumental occasion is beyond me.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I think so. No matter how much the person loves you, at some point they are going to want to have sex. Because as much as we would like to hope that it's not sex is a very important part of a relationship.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

ViLLiO said:


> Absolutely not. Why everyone thinks having sex is such a monumental occasion is beyond me.


For our society sex is a big deal, and not always for the same reasons. I think the healthy reason to think sex is a big deal is because it truly is a very connecting experience. I mean let's face it, being naked in front of others for most of us would be an embarassing experience. So to be in an experience like that mutually must be quite a shared experience, knowing that the other person is feeling (probably) a similar vulnerability to yourself. Then you got the closeness, familiarity and sensitivity and it seems to be quite an intense thing to partake in. That is of course with someone you truly care for, and not just some random hookup, which you're probably too wasted to even take in fully.


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## enpyre (Mar 16, 2011)

sex isnt _necessary_ for a successful relationship, but it biologically is a tool for strengthening a relationship. The act of expressing your love for one another physically and the chemicals released in the brain during the act all serve to strengthen the bond between the two people. or at least thats what Ive read.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

It is eventually, in its proper place, which is after marriage.


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## crsohr (Dec 30, 2010)

I think it is absolutely necessary, a relationship without sex would feel incomplete to me. I believe a lot of women are getting the short straw when it comes to sex too, that could possibly be why so many don't think very highly of it. I know if I wasn't being satisfied I'd feel the same. Perhaps men in general are not doing enough to please their partners, you really can't be selfish when it comes to sex and both parties need to get something out of it. So yes I do think it's necessary but only if you are doing it right. :b


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

crsohr said:


> I think it is absolutely necessary, a relationship without sex would feel incomplete to me. I believe a lot of women are getting the short straw when it comes to sex too, that could possibly be why so many don't think very highly of it. I know if I wasn't being satisfied I'd feel the same. Perhaps men in general are not doing enough to please their partners, you really can't be selfish when it comes to sex and both parties need to get something out of it. So yes I do think it's necessary but only if you are doing it right. :b


If only more men thought like you and my husband. 

If the male partners more often thought to please the other, women might enjoy it more often.


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## blinds8 (Feb 3, 2011)

Sex is very important in a relationship however if it's in a healthy way and prioritized, no one likes a jelous man or an emotionalist or a codependant. Try having sex for yourself too not just to please your partner, it works.


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## Rest or Real? (Apr 1, 2011)

Penetration is never necessary. There are so many other facets of love, of what a relationship can be.


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## nicia (Feb 19, 2011)

Monroee said:


> I was talking about this with my therapist today. I said I didn't really want to have "intercourse" per se with a significant other. I'd be fine with fore-play and such, but I'm not too keen on the actual act. Plus, I have religious reasons which play into my distaste of it as well.
> 
> I don't see why sex is necessary to have a romantic relationship. I think it keeps the mystique and fire alive having something like that to refrain from. If someone truly loves me, he or she (I'm questioning), should be able to live with the fact that I might never want to go "all the way".
> 
> What do you guys think? Does that mean I'll never have a relationship? Am I doomed to be alone because of this? Would you have a relationship with someone that didn't want to have full-on intercourse?


I AGREE WITH THIS 100%. I totally hate the thought or act of having sex. It's "disgusting" persae. And yes, if someone truly loves you they should love you for you and respect the fact that you don't want to have sex. I'm on a search to find a man who finds sex as disgusting as me, or at least is asexual.


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## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

It isn't the basis for a relationship. People should get over that and just enjoy the company of having their loved one close to them. If and when that time comes, It should be very special for the two, And not have any pressure involved.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

A few of you would have been perfect for my EX from two years ago... he definitely would have been very happy in a non-sexual relationship... wish I could hook you up with him but I'm sure he would have found something else wrong with you... so I wouldn't have been doing you any great favors I'm sure... but then again... maybe the fact that you didn't want or like sex would have made you his ideal Madonna and you would have been happy together.

I personally didn't and don't get it... if a man can't react that way to me... and isn't happy with me reacting that way to him... it would never work in the long-term.


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## Lolita92 (Jun 7, 2011)

Well I could easily be in a relationship without sex, but then i've never been in a relationship so... i guess it's easy for me to say that.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

As much as I hate to admit it, it typically is necessary.


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## theseshackles (Apr 23, 2011)

If I'm going to be in a long term relationship with full commitment, of course sex has to come into play.

If the girl can never be fully intimate with me then there's no point I stay in that fully committed relationship as there would be no future for us if I plan to marry and have kids.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

Yes it is. We all have a primal, biological drive to reproduce (even though we're not consciously looking to get pregnant, but you know what I mean.) I have had a lot of hang-ups about the act itself but I am getting over them. Now, does that mean you're a complete 100% failure if you don't complete the act with actual intercourse every single time you're sexual with someone? No.


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

I think its necessary. I don't think its necessary right away but in the long run absolutely. I want a healthy sex life in my future relationship, if and when that ever happens.


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## ReincarnatedRose (May 20, 2011)

Yes, I think sex is very necessary and very healthy.

However, there are asexuals out there. If sex isn't for you, then I'm sure you can find someone who feels the same way.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

ViLLiO said:


> Absolutely not. Why everyone thinks having sex is such a monumental occasion is beyond me.


I agree. Sex is overrated. I think it may be necessary for many people in the long-term for a relationship, but it's just a physical act. Love can and should be shown in many other ways.


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

For me it would be necessary! But everyone is different. Just find someone who feels the same as you .


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

max4225 said:


> I think I agree too. Sex and love seem like two completely different things to me. I haven't mixed them much. Is a relationship necessary?


Sex and love are to VERY different things. Totally agree.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

Sex is really necessary for a relationship to survive, with no sex at all the attractiveness will take a big dent after a while (meaning after one to 4-5 months later)


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

For me it is necessary.It's what keeps the passion and fire alive and I feel closer to my partner.
I'd think that something was missing if there was no sex in a relationship.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

Invisible_girl said:


> For me it is necessary.It's what keeps the passion and fire alive and I feel closer to my partner.
> I'd think that something was missing if there was no sex in a relationship.


yeah I gotta agree, sex is the most intimate and sensual and highly emotional thing you can do with your partner in a relationship, at least so I've heard, because I am still a virgin, but getting to 3rd base couple of times gave me an idea of how is it


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## MagusAnima (Mar 4, 2010)

Sex isn't necessary in a relationship, but a relationship is necessary for sex. (For me anyway).

But I can take it or leave it, I'd be perfectly happy to be in an affection-based relationship with an asexual.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I love how many responses this question got. Keep 'em coming people! I love reading everyone's opinions.


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## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

Sex is basically a side perk to me. It's not something of grave importance, but I do think that it's necessary in a long term relationship. I see it as a great way to show how much you love someone, and it can be very passionate.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Not for me. I'd be perfectly happy to be in a relationship with no sex.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

For me it is required, but I don't consider it the most important thing. I like the companionship best, being a team as it were is a better feeling than sex.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

It's not the most important thing but it is necessary, to me.


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## EnchantingGhost (May 23, 2011)

I think it probably depends on how your partner thinks on it too. My opinion is that I'd probably be okay without it but I don't know, thats just me and my weird thoughts again.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I think so, well eventually i mean.
I haven't had sex but it's sort of sealing the deal, if you know what i mean.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Simple answer is yes, and yes for most people though not impossible if two people happen to get together in the same mindset in that area.


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## taffysaur (Jun 9, 2011)

au Lait said:


> I'd rather have sex with someone that I like than sit around talking about my ~feelings~ all day.


and i'm a guy, and would much rather talk.

as you can probably see, sex isn't required in a relationship. there's almost as many people saying so as who come in + just say "certainly yes".

for me, i much prefer having girls as friends than guys. i just get along with them easier, but i don't particularly want a _girlfriend_. i don't want to have sex, and without it, you're just good friends anyway. i mean, i'd kiss + hug a friend. i might even make out if they wanted to, because i love my friends a lot, when i have them. but i don't even believe there's a distinction between what one might call fraternal(?) or platonic love and "romantic" love, _except_ for sex (meaning there is none).

basically, i'd say do what's right for you, and find someone who's okieday with that. and i urge you, please, don't let _anyone_ tell you what's wrong or right about sex or anything else, and that includes religious texts/figures.


bluepanda said:



> It's vital, During orgasm oxytocin is released which helps bond people together it's why sex is hardly ever just sex and there's always some emotionally attachment and jealousy in casual sex relationships.
> 
> Oxytocin is known as the "Love" hormone.
> 
> There's also alot of controversial studies at the moment about the vagina being able to absorb chemicals and hormones from male sperm acting as a mood enhancer and natural anti-depressant. It's very plausible and most likely true.


true, both parties release these chemicals within secretions during intercourse. the male foreskin is partly there to help retain this fluid from inside the female + form a stronger bond between the two.

but like i said, it's you who's ultimately in control. if you find you want to go without that one thing + find someone who's alright with that too, effin' awesome.

good luck.


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

I wouldn't think so, right now when i think about people i know in relationships i find it hard to imagine them having a sexual life or how it would need improve a relationship.I haven't experienced either so i will save my judgements till then.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I found out why I was repulsed by the idea of sex.

I'm lesbian.


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## antonina (Oct 25, 2008)

There are people who are asexual out there or maybe have a medical problem. A relationship doesn't have to have sex, if the two people don't want it. It also is more than a friendship if the people love each other. 
http://www.asexuality.org/home/
This website tells all about asexuals.


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