# Being bullied in college



## TheSandlot (Oct 4, 2012)

I would've never thought a place of higher education would also house bullies. So I got into an argument with a guy during a group project, ever since then he and his group of friends would bully me. When they pass me, they would mock me by saying "Hello, how are ya?" and snicker when they see me look up.

I'm that guy would says hello every morning. 

Has anyone else been a target of bullying at school?


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

In college? nope. Just in elementary and middle school. How can people still bother to bully someone else? especially in college.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

No not in college, not yet at least. I don't see why people bully in college. It's a place for mature adults, not childish losers. Sorry you have to deal with them. They're not worth your time


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

What was the argument about?

Maybe you should just talk to the guy and try to reason with him.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

I was bullied in middle school and high school. 

I can definitely relate with the whole passive-aggressive, nuanced style of bullying that you're dealing with. 

Here's one example that I have a pretty vivid memory of. When I moved in Grade 7, there were a couple of kids at my new school that wanted to know where I was from. I answered them, and I ended up creating a new running gag for them. I don't know if it was the way I said it or if they thought the name of the city sounded funny or whatever...but somehow, it was amusing to them.

So from then on; whenever that group of kids walked by, they would go "Hey Marco, where are you from?" and then walk away laughing. That continued from Grade 7 all the way up until Grade 10 when I finally switched schools.

And in case you guys were all curious...yes, Marco is my name IRL.


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## Letmebe (Dec 17, 2012)

Yes, it happened to me quite a lot and fairly severely; you know what I did?
Made videos, turned the tables, got better, got bullied again, made mental masks, and eventually HR got involved.

Things got much worse before they got better, sort of like being turned into a newt.


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## fr3t (Mar 27, 2011)

Why don't you be the man and just say, "Wow, how old are you? 10?" and just ****ing walk away. Stand up for yourself. If he tries to mock you, just completely ignore him and be really cool about it. Do not even care. If he wants to fight you, he'll either be kicked out of the university before it even happens or the worst you'll get is a few bruises and a pay check for assault.


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## lovehatehero (May 19, 2013)

You should stand up for yourself, man. If you feel victimized, don't ever try to hide it. Speak your mind. You're in college now so you're old enough to make yourself heard. Next time they do that just in a serious tone say "Is there a problem?" If they're smart, they will back off.


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

I was doing a group thing at uni last year and one of my classmates noticed I was the quiet one, so nominated me to present our discussion to the rest of the lecture hall. I really don't understand people who go out of their way to make someone else's life uncomfortable.


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## T Studdly (Jul 20, 2013)

First off, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Being bullied is horrible.

Second, How childish of them. This is college you'd think people would if grown up already but not these jerks. Try to ignore them or stand up for yourself but don't stoop to their level. If they refuse to back off inform someone on campus. A counsler, your professor anyone. No way they should tolerate that and they should promise them some disiplenary action if they don't quit acting like 10 year olds. 

Third, I haven't been bullied in college but I have seen some real jerks. One guy in the game room repeatidly mocked and taunted the losing players.(trust it was not in good fun) I took great pleasure in wooping his butt in the SSBB match and making him eat his own words. I was bullied in elementary and middle school. Was mocked alot by one kid in 8th grade and tormented by 2 kids in 5th grade(teacher did not help that time but in 8th grade the really awesome health teacher got these two bullies suspended. They were kicking my desk and kicking at my feet and I ended up crying in class because of it. Good relief to see them gone for a few weeks. They didn't mess with me so much afterwards)


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

I had a similar situation and I reported the two girls to the discrimination department. Luckily I had one of their names memorized. I would give anything to see the shock on their faces when they were confronted by the college including the dean of the college. Even if they were just irritated, it still would have been priceless to see. They probably thought that when they were snickering about me behind my back, I was too socially stupid to notice.

They were going to apologize to me, but I told the college I didn't want any phony apologies from them and that they were only sorry they were caught.

Anyway...the other thing is, some people in their late teens/early twenties are going to college only because it's what's expected by their parents or because they want to party or both. Not everyone there is mature. This is why when I sign up for classes now I sign up for online classes or night classes where most people are in their mid twenties or older.


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## Wulfgar (Aug 23, 2013)

during my senior 2008 year in highschool someone (I think small group of people actually) decided to make up a disgustingly embarrassing rumor about me, most likely because my mom was the school librarian and I think they didnt like her for some reason (probably just for doing her fvcking job) so they decided the only way they could get back at her was through ME (idk if that was the exact motive but I think it might have been). So anyway, I was a stoner at the time and smoked alot of really dank weed on a daily basis along with taking wellbutrin and adderal which is what caused me to get excessivly paranoid about this rumor and start thinking that more and more people knew about it...I got to the point where I was embarassed to go to class and started skipping school because everytime I heard someone whisper or laugh in class I would worry that they had heard the rumor and were making fun of me...eventually I had missed too many days and according to the attendance policy I would have been unable to graduate..so I blew off my big senior term-paper and got high all summer...when I came back to finish up and get my diploma the 08-09' year I met a girl and we started going out..I was worried that she might think im lame if I started getting made fun of again so one day I went to school and tried to fight three guys in a vain attempt to look "tough" because I thought maybe i'd gain some respect that way and then no one would even CONSIDER making fun of me...well it didnt work...people just thought I was crazy instead...I got suspended and had to spend a minimum 5 days at the UNC hospital psych ward.....

some people still try to judge me based on that ONE day of my life when I was a pissed off 18 year old on drugs


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

I go to community college so I see plenty of immature types straight out of high school...usually the ones who got bad grades and couldn't get into a better uni, so I definitely know what youre going through. Some people take a very long time to mature. It helps to take later classes, and of course as you work your way up to more difficult classes, the jarhead teenaged losers from high school get weeded out. Or if you have the choice you could take dorkier classes like Shakespeare or something, there are usually nicer, nerd type people in those types of classes


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## whatyoumustthink (Apr 25, 2012)

I've experienced behaviour like this on and off. There were some people I met during the freshers weeks who just didn't like me, in one case it was my fault in the others they found something funny about me (still bothers me what exactly), and so they'd basically be immature dicks when they saw me. Some girls have been kind of suspicious too, hard to figure out if they're teasing me or like me a bit or something... And I also had a housemate who was a real psychological bully, but never managed to reel me in as far as they wanted to. In classes, when it was a bad mix of people I also got teased for being the quiet one, I agree people have little sympathy for men being reserved. I've also noticed at university/college, if you're one of the youngest people have less respect for you.

Anyway, I can think of about 6 times there've been instances like this. None have ever escalated because I hardly ever see them (including the person I lived with due to being out), however it does make me feel like crap sometimes in an "I bring this on myself" sense since I endured plenty of this in high school and have always felt like I'm "asking for it" just because of how I look or something. I personally don't like the idea of going to heads of department, lecturers or whatever about this, because "bullying" as a concept is more of a teenage thing, and so it would let these people know that you're intimidated by them... like a child would be. 

So pretty much each time, I took matters into my own hands - my general rule of thumb now is first try laughing it off, if that fails or they're clearly being sarcastic from the start fight back, rip into them with a cutting comment (stuff about appearance or acknowledging a way they're moronic usually does the trick). Don't fight unless you're in a club or something and it's absolutely necessary. However, there's nothing wrong with emailing your lecturers and alerting them that this is happening if it's ruining classes for you. Sometimes it can be comforting to know they'll be keeping an eye on you, don't do what I did and bottle it in to the point where I skipped tons of classes out of shame.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

lisac1919 said:


> I go to community college so I see plenty of immature types straight out of high school...usually the ones who got bad grades and couldn't get into a better uni, so I definitely know what youre going through. Some people take a very long time to mature. It helps to take later classes, and of course as you work your way up to more difficult classes, the jarhead teenaged losers from high school get weeded out. Or if you have the choice you could take dorkier classes like Shakespeare or something, there are usually nicer, nerd type people in those types of classes


It's not necessarily just community college. The thing that happened to me was a four year college. Same thing stands, though, the girls were likely right out of high school.

This is why I try my best to take night classes or now that I have my associate's, take advanced classes that 18-19 year olds or dumb immature people aren't going to be in.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> It's not necessarily just community college. The thing that happened to me was a four year college. Same thing stands, though, the girls were likely right out of high school.
> 
> This is why I try my best to take night classes or now that I have my associate's, take advanced classes that 18-19 year olds or dumb immature people aren't going to be in.


You know; one thing I learned a while ago is that people never really do "grow up". The people that are *******s in high school are very likely to be *******s as adults. That's just the way it is.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

BigBlueMoon said:


> You know; one thing I learned a while ago is that people never really do "grow up". The people that are *******s in high school are very likely to be *******s as adults. That's just the way it is.


It can be true, but I've run into people that in high school were complete douches and were genuinely nice years later. But I've also run into people that were the exact same. It all depends.

My cousin my age was a douche in his teens, and now, while he wouldn't be my first choice to hang out with and vice versa, whenever there's a family party we genuinely get along and he's matured. But I also know of people I graduated with that are still complete douches.


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## TheSandlot (Oct 4, 2012)

I go to private university that has a 80% population of prior military people. The group of people who are mocking me are ten to twenty years older than me. Big Blue Moon is correct when he said that some people don't grow up. I saw a girl in my class being mocked for talking about her christian faith. Jesus jokes were being thrown around for a month. 

I ignore them during class. So far the joking has died down, however, I find myself not talking to others as much to prevent the bullying. Even my close classmates have asked me what was wrong.
Like the girl christian girl in my class, I am too a christian. I was always taught to never repay evil with evil. There have been too many times where I could've made a belittling remark to fight back, but if I do then it I would be a hypocrite.

Everyone, thank you for your encouraging words to stand up for myself and sharing their bullying experience. Just being heard has been relieving.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> It can be true, but I've run into people that in high school were complete douches and were genuinely nice years later. But I've also run into people that were the exact same. It all depends.
> 
> My cousin my age was a douche in his teens, and now, while he wouldn't be my first choice to hang out with and vice versa, whenever there's a family party we genuinely get along and he's matured. But I also know of people I graduated with that are still complete douches.


Nobody that was a douche to me in high school would get away with saying a single word to me today. You can definitely count on that.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

There were too many of them to count for me. I don't hang out with any of them, but if I run into one by accident, I'll be the bigger man and say hi.

There are douchebags of all ages, but generally, younger people tend to have more douchebags in their generation since they're more intolerant of small differences in people. Not saying there aren't adult douches out there that make fun of people, but it's not as widespread as young people. 

Young people are the cruelest and one reason why I never want kids...either having a kid that turned out like that, or worse yet, someone that was the victim of bullying especially in the internet age. At least when I was in high school, the internet hadn't taken off and there wasn't that much internet bullying going on. I can only imagine how tough it is for people in grade school/middle school/high school that get picked on now.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> There were too many of them to count for me. I don't hang out with any of them, but if I run into one by accident, I'll be the bigger man and say hi.
> 
> There are douchebags of all ages, but generally, younger people tend to have more douchebags in their generation since they're more intolerant of small differences in people. Not saying there aren't adult douches out there that make fun of people, but it's not as widespread as young people.
> 
> Young people are the cruelest and one reason why I never want kids...either having a kid that turned out like that, or worse yet, someone that was the victim of bullying especially in the internet age. At least when I was in high school, the internet hadn't taken off and there wasn't that much internet bullying going on. I can only imagine how tough it is for people in grade school/middle school/high school that get picked on now.


I disagree with the notion that it's "normal" for young people to bully. By young I'm talking about 14+. At that age, people are socially conscious enough to know that bullying is wrong therefore it should not be done. I don't care how much life experience people have in high school. Either way you twist it; if you're in high school and you bully, you're a scumbag (**** you). At least that's the way I look at it.

High school students are not "kids". I don't believe that new-age tripe for one second. Kids don't drive, get jobs, drink alcohol, smoke, use drugs, get into relationships, have sex, etc. Those are adult activities.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

BigBlueMoon said:


> You know; one thing I learned a while ago is that people never really do "grow up". The people that are *******s in high school are very likely to be *******s as adults. That's just the way it is.


This


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

BigBlueMoon said:


> I disagree with the notion that it's "normal" for young people to bully. By young I'm talking about 14+. At that age, people are socially conscious enough to know that bullying is wrong therefore it should not be done. I don't care how much life experience people have in high school. Either way you twist it; if you're in high school and you bully, you're a scumbag (**** you). At least that's the way I look at it.
> 
> High school students are not "kids". I don't believe that new-age tripe for one second. Kids don't drive, get jobs, drink alcohol, smoke, use drugs, get into relationships, have sex, etc. Those are adult activities.


I'm not excusing their behavior. I'm just saying that even though they may be engaging in those activities - driving, job, sex etc. - they aren't mature and I agree they are scumbags.

This is one reason I'm unhappy about taking a college class during the day. I'm almost certain a couple 18 year old girls that probably weren't smart enough to get into any other college talk crap about me since I look "nerdy" or whatever. The odds of this happening in a night class where everyone is well into their 20s or older is less likely. Not saying that older people can't be douches too, they can, but the immaturity is prevalent with young age. That doesn't excuse their bullying at all - I was and still am the victim of it myself - but I'm simply stating that it's very common with young people.

There are immature older people too, all I was saying is that it's much more common - not that it makes it acceptable - with younger people. They SHOULD know better, but they don't and unfortunately their parents, teachers, bosses at work et al let them get away with it.


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## TheSandlot (Oct 4, 2012)

So my classmates witness him and his goons in the act. When I told them why he was acting the way he did, they were astonished that he would hold a grudge for over a year and still try to get back at me. They told me they know I am affected because I look at them when they mock me, even though I don't say anything. He retales the same incident over and over again (with exaggeration of me being the bad guy) to gain sympathizers. As a person with SA, being talked about is one of my greatest fears.

I wish I could've nip-it in the bud when it first happened by apologizing about the misunderstanding, but after the group meeting he gave me the longest stink eye. 

-venting over


p.s.

Unlike normal scheduling. I'm in a department that assigns our schedules by cohorts, so I see his face almost everyday at school.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> I'm not excusing their behavior. I'm just saying that even though they may be engaging in those activities - driving, job, sex etc. - they aren't mature and I agree they are scumbags.
> 
> This is one reason I'm unhappy about taking a college class during the day. I'm almost certain a couple 18 year old girls that probably weren't smart enough to get into any other college talk crap about me since I look "nerdy" or whatever. The odds of this happening in a night class where everyone is well into their 20s or older is less likely. Not saying that older people can't be douches too, they can, but the immaturity is prevalent with young age. That doesn't excuse their bullying at all - I was and still am the victim of it myself - but I'm simply stating that it's very common with young people.
> 
> There are immature older people too, all I was saying is that it's much more common - not that it makes it acceptable - with younger people. They SHOULD know better, but they don't and unfortunately their parents, teachers, bosses at work et al let them get away with it.


I know there are very immature older people. First-hand experience from working in a fine dining restaurant provided me with that realization.

I was basically making a clarification more or less. Too many people attribute high school bullying as a minuscule thing that's part of growing up; "teenage hi-jinks" if you will. However, I truly think that high school bullying is more significant. It is the point in your life that determines what your future will be like, after all.


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## VeMuñeca (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't consider this bullying, but a majority of the people at my community college are annoying, cliquey, and immature. My friend invites me to go hang out with him at the college cafeteria because I like to watch him play card games. The guys he plays cards with are so cliquey. Some of them glare at me or just pretend I do not exist. At times I feel so awkward being there. :blank


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## whatyoumustthink (Apr 25, 2012)

BigBlueMoon said:


> I disagree with the notion that it's "normal" for young people to bully. By young I'm talking about 14+. At that age, people are socially conscious enough to know that bullying is wrong therefore it should not be done. I don't care how much life experience people have in high school. Either way you twist it; if you're in high school and you bully, you're a scumbag (**** you). At least that's the way I look at it.
> 
> High school students are not "kids". I don't believe that new-age tripe for one second. Kids don't drive, get jobs, drink alcohol, smoke, use drugs, get into relationships, have sex, etc. Those are adult activities.


I agree with this mostly. I was actually told once that the brain doesn't actually understand the difference between right and wrong until 14 years old... that just about makes sense.

I've contemplated before whether I "hate" the people who bullied me from 10-12 years old or slightly younger. What I can say, is I did see a lot of changes in people I knew at 12 years old. People just were mentally on a different level back then, even though it doesn't excuse their behaviour. As for 14, I think it just about ties in with the theory above. That was the point when I felt people started being spiteful and ****ing well knew it, however again I noticed big changes in some people by the time they reached 16-17.

My general rule is I forgive the ones who moved on or changed from 16 years old onwards, continue to feel bitter towards the ones who showed 0 change from 16 years old onwards. The way I see it, there are factors of high school that encourage teens to be *******s, but beyond 16 there really is NO excuse. We were put in a part of the school described as an "adult environment", and they had more than enough experience by then to be aware of what was a ****ty thing to do and what wasn't. So if they leave me alone, at least that's a sort of apology, it shows that they respect other people's human rights enough to fix what they did wrong in the past. Anyone from 16+ who is a bully is a ****, pure and simple.



TheSandlot said:


> So my classmates witness him and his goons in the act. When I told them why he was acting the way he did, they were astonished that he would hold a grudge for over a year and still try to get back at me. They told me they know I am affected because I look at them when they mock me, even though I don't say anything. He retales the same incident over and over again (with exaggeration of me being the bad guy) to gain sympathizers. As a person with SA, being talked about is one of my greatest fears.
> 
> I wish I could've nip-it in the bud when it first happened by apologizing about the misunderstanding, but after the group meeting he gave me the longest stink eye.
> 
> ...


It sounds nasty that you have an audience observing this happening, I know from experience that can make it seem more humiliating. I think it's got to a point now where you know there's nothing but bitterness in this exchange, if you're gonna say anything at all, say something along the lines of "With the greatest of respect, sorry if there were misunderstandings, but I've not got a problem with you and I'm trying to settle the score here." Otherwise, to be honest just go and talk to someone in charge of your classes, or verbally kick these dicks in the groin to the point of humiliation.

It's interesting, actually, to see someone who doesn't regard this as bullying. In a sense, I get why, "bullying" is sort of a term used for victimization in childish environments, and so in the adult world any kind of targetting is more a matter of using survival skills. It can sometimes be comforting to look at it like that. It's no longer about being a "loser", just one of many tests on how to deal with difficulties in the real world. There is, after all, more cooporation required in college/university than when you could just punch someone on the playground.


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## Kujara (Sep 21, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> What was the argument about?
> 
> Maybe you should just talk to the guy and try to reason with him.


Reason is completely ineffective against sub-humans like bullies.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Kujara said:


> Reason is completely ineffective against sub-humans like bullies.


That's a pretty broad statement.

The original poster never did specify what the "argument" was about. If it was enough to warrant an apology and one was never given, well...


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## TheSandlot (Oct 4, 2012)

Just Lurking said:


> That's a pretty broad statement.
> 
> The original poster never did specify what the "argument" was about. If it was enough to warrant an apology and one was never given, well...


Just Lurking, if you want to discuss about this further please send me a pm, along with SA I am also paranoid of letting out too much information.

So I recently did a job interview. The one who did the interview was a friend of the bully. During the interview he was professional but, he told everyone in my department about how I was fumbling over some of my words and how I got a lot of the technical questions wrong. He continued to make fun of me on campus within earshot of me.

On the phone he asked me if I still wanted the job before he scheduled me for training. It is a government contract job. I told him politely that I did not want the job. I believe I did myself a favor by avoiding this bullet.

So I realized that I needed to brush up on my knowledge on the basics. So I went to barnes and nobles. The bully and his goons saw me walking alone. They sat in the cafe area. They mocked the parts where I fumbled over my words during the interview and laughed. I made sure I wasn't facing them because they love to see my reaction.

The bullying now has now entered my professional and personal life. I will keep posting in this thread, because I believe someday I will be free from this trial and encourage anyone that is going through this.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

TheSandlot said:


> I believe someday I will be free from this trial and encourage anyone that is going through this.


It never ends. Some people mature as they age, but you can't rely on that. Extroverts are socially competitive creatures. They also can sense what they consider an easy target and to make themselves feel better about life will harass people who they consider an easy target. I'm on disability technically because of aspergers and depression, but if people were nicer, I'd be able to hold some kind of job even with my setbacks. One can also argue that it's people being the way they are that made me emotionally traumatized and made my depression much worse.

I'm just lucky I have a good family and don't have to work due to disability and my family providing me a place to live.


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## Pig678 (Aug 21, 2013)

I was ALWAYS bullied at school for years.
I have learned that the truth is: schools/colleges do NOT care about bullying.
Even if all the staff and students know it's happening, they will just look the other way.


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## morton (Oct 10, 2013)

I was bullied in college in front of the professor, but the professor did nothing because we are "adults" now. It's ridiculous and stupid, so I tried my best to brush it aside. 

What I learned from this experience was that people suck. Things don't get better as you get older. Bullies grow up to be *******s. The poor adults that have to deal with this **** grow to have thicker skin.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

Of course college kids can be bullies. And to dispel another myth for you, even
very intelligent people can be bullies; like the **** that was asking "oh did HE
come too?" whenever he saw me... he's now at Stanford and he's worked for LinkedIn.

So, given a big enough victim, there will always be a bully to match him/her.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I personally believe that older college students (25 years and above) should be separated from the 18-24 crowd...because they tend to be bullies and still feel like they're in high school.


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## vaoilade (Dec 10, 2011)

There will be a good amount of people in college that don't really like you and would give you a hard time. You just need to stand up to the haters one day and then end the dispute. You can ignore them or you can defend yourself. Fight for what you want!


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

At this point I wish someone would bully me just for the free social interaction. I'm so pathetic....


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