# Whhhyyy won't men approach me?



## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

I feel so dumb remaining a virgin until 25 years old. I could've lost it at 12 but chose to wait because I was sure Mr. Right would come by now. 

I can't date because I rarely get approached...
When I do date I am to concerned with that guy, I don't bug him but think about him a lot, since I clearly don't have any other options.

I need help and advice everyone. 

My mom always makes 'jokes' about me meeting a psycho from the Internet...I have joined three dating sites (two in the past and my third one now), but I don't like the site I'm on now. I hate when she does this because what am I supposed to do if men don't approach me? And society had such a big deal about women going up to them first?!

My mom also doesn't have an issue getting men. 

I do big time! I mean I really like being approached, heck it just reassurance that I'm at lease some how desirable to the opposite sex.


I don't know...I think I'll sign up to live a lonely life...I don't know if there is something wrong with me?!

I mean a Quasimodo face, Jabba the hut body and a personality like Carrie...my Gaah, I'm not THAT bad.


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

I need some pics to come up with an accurate answer.


...Dead serious


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

Black And Mild said:


> I need some pics to come up with an accurate answer.
> 
> ...Dead serious


Lol, aw no!!!

The third site was beautifulpeople.com and I only joined for fun and was dared. The photo I had was in a bathing suit.

Anyway I am feeling good about my looks today which has been a rare thing as of lately, I am not allowing anyone to pull me off my high horse, sorry.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Men don't approach me either, but I believe that's because I appear closed-off. They can tell by my body language that I am uncomfortable (because of shyness), so they don't approach me. I did however, have a guy approach me for the first time last year. Probably because I was at the clinic waiting room sitting comfortably, not thinking I had a reason to be nervous, so he just started talking to me.

So, make sure you are comfortable in your own skin, let your walls down, smile at people! 

Then, we'll see what happens.


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## Doomed (Jul 29, 2012)

What do you look like?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Do you look intimidating or standoffish? Do you go to bars, clubs, parties, school, gatherings? Do you have any friends or hang out in public often enough?


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## Dr Hobo Scratch MD (Jun 24, 2011)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Do you look intimidating or standoffish? Do you go to bars, clubs, parties, school, gatherings? Do you have any friends or hang out in public often enough?


if only she could have been here a month or so ago for that thread you made about pick up artists that broke out into a riot where it seemed some strongly believed men were horrible thoughtless bas****s for trying to approach women. this lady could have been the light of god for some in there. :clap


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Dr Hobo Scratch MD said:


> if only she could have been here a month or so ago for that thread you made about pick up artists that broke out into a riot where it seemed some strongly believed men were horrible thoughtless bas****s for trying to approach women. this lady could have been the light of god for some in there. :clap


I know! hahaha


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## Killer2121 (Jul 12, 2012)

Trying to use imagination... since no pics. 

Seriously, I'm sure you are beautiful.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

_It could be_

-looks
-the way you carry yourself
-your demeanor
-where you chose to go out in public
-how often you are out in public
-who you are with while out with in public
-your clothing

^All of which play an important role.

Too little info provided to provide thoughtful advice. The pressure from your mom doesn't seem very welcome though.

For now, try to get over the whole "Women shouldn't approach" thing. It's a silly excuse for being lonely. Personally, I believe people put way too much emphasis on the initial meeting.

How you catch the fish doesn't matter, there are many different techniques, just make sure you don't starve.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Even though most men talk a lot of smack about much of a pimp they are, the majority of them are probably to scared to approach you.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> Men don't approach me either, but I believe that's because I appear closed-off. They can tell by my body language that I am uncomfortable (because of shyness), so they don't approach me. I did however, have a guy approach me for the first time last year. Probably because I was at the clinic waiting room sitting comfortably, not thinking I had a reason to be nervous, so he just started talking to me.
> 
> So, make sure you are comfortable in your own skin, let your walls down, smile at people!
> 
> Then, we'll see what happens.


Thanks 
I did take a look at my photos one day and was honest about it. I asked myself 'if I were a guy, would I approach me?' I told myself no because I look standoffish.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

Doomed said:


> What do you look like?


I'm not posting photos! :no


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Thank goodness you didn't lose it when you were twelve...shudder. Society doesn't tell women not to approach...women tell women that.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

Glambada said:


> I feel so dumb remaining a virgin until 25 years old. I could've lost it at 12 but chose to wait because I was sure Mr. Right would come by now.
> 
> I can't date because I rarely get approached...
> When I do date I am to concerned with that guy, I don't bug him but think about him a lot, since I clearly don't have any other options.
> ...


this might sound crazy, but why not approach a guy you like? you might get surprised


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## NoMoreSAD2013 (Jun 11, 2012)

Men like a confident women. If you are broadcasting that you probably arent good enough, then men will think that. Also be social and friendly with people. The truth is, most men are afraid to approach women they dont know. If it is a matter of looks, you have to find a quality of yourself that is greater than your looks. Since you are on this site,you probably arent that social i take it. Being more social and friendly to people will increase your chances of getting a man. Dont be afraid of sinking your claws in a man first,because like i said,the majority of men wont approach you regardless


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Thank goodness you didn't lose it when you were twelve...shudder. Society doesn't tell women not to approach...women tell women that.


I disagree. our society bombards us with contradictory messages about sex and how we're supposed to feel about ourselves and the opposite sex, and who should do what to whom all the time. men are made to feel like criminals for their natural urges, and women are supposed to feel like they are less than clean for wanting it. we all are constantly inundated with these messages from many sources. and that's not even touching on what the LGBT population has to deal with.


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## Doomed (Jul 29, 2012)

Glambada said:


> I'm not posting photos! :no


Well, as you said, you could be projecting an intimidating presence to men. Bars and clubs are where men become overly zealous in their pursuit of women, but in everyday social situations like coffee shops, school and grocery stores men rely on signals and body language to determine if they should risk approaching one.

If you didn't get voted off beautifulpeople.com (or at least have some positive votes that said you were attractive) then looks are not your problem.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

Because you probably don't want to be approached.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

The way you put it, it is offensive to those who are insecure about being older than 25 and are still virgins...

But I definitely am sorry that you feel this way. At least you've had sex, which means someone has desired you.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> The way you put it, it is offensive to those who are insecure about being older than 25 and are still virgins...
> 
> But I definitely am sorry that you feel this way. At least you've had sex, which means someone has desired you.


I had the opportunity, sorry for the misunderstanding. 
I never had sex.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Glambada said:


> I had the opportunity, sorry for the misunderstanding.
> I never had sex.


Then I emphasize, and I really am sorry.

If it makes you feel better, having the opportunity, and passing it by, can sometimes be a blessing. Look at all the imperfect mothers out there. At least you don't have any kids to worry about.

I know that is something that you've probably heard before, and are tired of hearing. But it is something that I tell myself, when I get down about being 29 and still a virgin. I just haven't met the right girl yet (and yes, I have had opportunities...not every guy is a sleezeball! If I wanted to just get off, I'd go watch porn or something....)

Someday you will meet the perfect person for you. Someone who will desire you for who you are, and not something shallow like looks, money, or just being a woman. And will be looking for friendship first, instead of just sex. That is what the basis of a real relationship foundation is build upon.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

The secret: you approach the men instead! 

Seriously, they don't bite. If I'd waited for an awesome guy to approach me I'd still be a lonely virgin. Going after what you want is key.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Men won't approach you because they fear/dislike rejection

Perhaps you could put out some signals, body language or otherwise, that indicate you would be open to being approached. Have someone you trust check out your posture and facial expression when you're going around with day to day stuff and see what they say. SMILE. Have your eyes opened a little wider rather than narrowed. Hands on your hips or crossed in front of your chest/stomach indicate that you're defensive or closed off. hunching over forward says you have issues. Leaning back a lot can look more casual. 

Try to go around with a hint of a smile on your face. Do the half second glance at people. Find something to laugh about, think of a joke or a funny moment, let people hear your laughter, your voice. Put positive energy out there. Throw out random compliments. Find/do something you are confident about and do it around others.


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## AriesTrying (Mar 19, 2009)

I know what you mean! I have the same problem.

I'm reasonably attractive, and at parties used to have people hit on me somewhat frequently. Or at least show an interest. I think after I graduated school I don't have too much opportunity to meet people. Not the same way at least. Also, I think it's about how/whether you show interest back. I think most initial flirting is just eye contact - prolonged, flirty eye contact. Let guys know you're interested by looking at them. It sounds too simple, maybe, but it's a big thing. 

Also, do you go out?

I realize that I just need to go out more.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

It's time for you to nut up and start approaching guys. You waited 25 years, it is clear nothing is going to happen if you keep waiting. You might be afraid of rejection but all men go through approach anxiety so you're not alone.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

I know how that feels like. From what I have seen, guys only approach hot "chicks".
If you'r not one of them, then you will be waiting eternally for a man.
I'm sorry, but life is harsh and merciless.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

gomenne said:


> I know how that feels like. From what I have seen, guys only approach hot "chicks".
> If you'r not one of them, then you will be waiting eternally for a man.
> I'm sorry, but life is harsh and merciless.


How about taking control of your life and approaching men yourself? She's been waiting forever, what's going to change now?


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## SambaBus (Apr 26, 2012)

Girls can approach guys you know. Why should men have to do all the chasing around? I really don't get these dating "rules".


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

SambaBus said:


> Girls can approach guys you know. Why should men have to do all the chasing around? I really don't get these dating "rules".


Exactly! I don't see what's "wrong" with approaching a dude.

I've been approached by a few guys, but the ones that I've ended up really liking, I made the first move and one of them told me later it was a relief because he's scared of rejection.

For all you know OP, the men that want you could just be a bit shy.


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## Bryan108 (Mar 1, 2012)

You gotta meet them halfway, you cant just wait around for men to approach you, you have to be proactive.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

sorrwel said:


> The secret: you approach the men instead!
> 
> Seriously, they don't bite. If I'd waited for an awesome guy to approach me I'd still be a lonely virgin. Going after what you want is key.


Unfortunately, some of them do bite. You're lucky to have approached nice guys. The few guys that i've approached in the past have responded by laughing in my face, calling me ugly, and making fun of me for thinking I had a chance with them or anyone (and I don't have high standards and am friendly - I have many male friends). It's these kind of people that have led me to never approach men. It's really hard for people like me that are almost universally seen by men as unattractive - we must play the waiting game. Hopefully, there will be a nice person out there that thinks we are "good enough" for them and is willing to make the first move.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> Unfortunately, some of them do bite. You're lucky to have approached nice guys. The few guys that i've approached in the past have responded by laughing in my face, calling me ugly, and making fun of me for thinking I had a chance with them or anyone (and I don't have high standards and am friendly - I have many male friends). It's these kind of people that have led me to never approach men. It's really hard for people like me that are almost universally seen by men as unattractive - we must play the waiting game. Hopefully, there will be a nice person out there that thinks we are "good enough" for them and is willing to make the first move.


don't approach the guys wearing affliction shirts and ed hardy pants . . .:teeth


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Sam1911 said:


> don't approach the guys wearing affliction shirts and ed hardy pants . . .:teeth


I don't, they're usually really nice and friendly guys that don't give off the "douche" vibe. That's the weird part. Some people are just terrible lol...you never know how mean some people can be!


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

komorikun said:


> It really depends on how much you socialize. If you go to many gatherings, clubs, etc. and have lots of friends you will get more approaches. Men don't cold approach very much. They are much more likely to ask you out if they have talked to you a few times before. I think only good looking women (better than average) get cold approached a lot.
> 
> This is why many people resort to online dating and bars/clubs.


If a man sees a strange woman in public, he knows absolutely nothing about her. He doesn't know if she has a boyfriend or what her personality is like or what she's interested in. Literally the *only* thing we know is how attractive she is and that's a poor thing to base a relationship on. Plus, strange women in public are usually busy with something and don't appreciate strange guys hitting on them.

It's much easier to approach a girl if we know her in some other social setting. Then we can talk and get to know each other first and there isn't so much pressure.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

arnie said:


> If a man sees a strange woman in public, he knows absolutely nothing about her. He doesn't know if she has a boyfriend or what her personality is like or what she's interested in. Literally the *only* thing we know is how attractive she is and that's a poor thing to base a relationship on. Plus, strange women in public are usually busy with something and don't appreciate strange guys hitting on them.
> 
> It's much easier to approach a girl if we know her in some other social setting. Then we can talk and get to know each other first and there isn't so much pressure.


Right. That's what I was saying. It's understandable.


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## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

arnie said:


> If a man sees a strange woman in public, he knows absolutely nothing about her. He doesn't know if she has a boyfriend or what her personality is like or what she's interested in. Literally the *only* thing we know is how attractive she is and that's a poor thing to base a relationship on. Plus, strange women in public are usually busy with something and don't appreciate strange guys hitting on them.
> 
> It's much easier to approach a girl if we know her in some other social setting. Then we can talk and get to know each other first and there isn't so much pressure.


while it's true that you dont know much about someone if you just see them in public, it depends on how long you see them for and how perceptive you are. I sent my first bf a note on Amtrak. It was a 9 hr ride and i gathered enough info about him in a couple hrs to know we'd at least have a nice chat.

If a guy saw me and wanted to approach and I wasnt rushing off somewhere, i would respond politely always. I always have unless its a creepy old man...in which case, i literally run away. If i am not interested, I simply say I have a BF. Its the nicest way to turn down a stranger who really wont find out the truth anyway.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Why won't women approach me?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Zeppelin said:


> Why won't women approach me?


I was wondering that as well.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> Unfortunately, some of them do bite. You're lucky to have approached nice guys. The few guys that i've approached in the past have responded by laughing in my face, calling me ugly, and making fun of me for thinking I had a chance with them or anyone (and I don't have high standards and am friendly - I have many male friends). It's these kind of people that have led me to never approach men. It's really hard for people like me that are almost universally seen by men as unattractive - we must play the waiting game. Hopefully, there will be a nice person out there that thinks we are "good enough" for them and is willing to make the first move.


While I understand your predicament, there's always a risk that comes with a reward. Sometimes the risk of a temporary self-esteem blow is worth it in the case of finding someone, at least imo.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

sorrwel said:


> While I understand your predicament, there's always a risk that comes with a reward. Sometimes the risk of a temporary self-esteem blow is worth it in the case of finding someone, at least imo.


That's what I thought at first. But after everything I've been through, it's a permanent self-esteem blow. People like me can't take risks by approaching men because we don't reap rewards. I used to take risks. Look where that got me.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> Unfortunately, some of them do bite. You're lucky to have approached nice guys. The few guys that i've approached in the past have responded by laughing in my face, calling me ugly, and making fun of me for thinking I had a chance with them or anyone (and I don't have high standards and am friendly - I have many male friends).


Talk about bad luck. You're hot as hell. It would make my day if a lovely lady approached me.


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## Dissonant (Sep 22, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> Talk about bad luck. You're hot as hell. It would make my day if a lovely lady approached me.


+1. I would totally be flattered if you approached me. I'd probably be too anxious to show it though. 

I understand how you feel, I really do, but although those guys didn't give off the douche vibe to you they were douches nonetheless. Maybe you were approaching the kind of guy who is so hot that he gets full of himself?

OP, I would have to agree with the body language comments. It makes a _huge_ difference. Just make sure you only open yourself up where and when you feel safe doing so.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Dissonant said:


> Maybe you were approaching the kind of guy who is so hot that he gets full of himself?


Nope, they were mostly the shy, quiet types. And they were all very average-looking.


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## bg09 (Aug 14, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> Nope, they were mostly the shy, quiet types. And they were all very average-looking.


guurll pleaaseee


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## Dissonant (Sep 22, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> Nope, they were mostly the shy, quiet types. And they were all very average-looking.


Hmmm. I don't know then, but they were certainly douches. That much I can tell you. Nobody who isn't a douche would say something like that to anyone, regardless of what they looked like (I still think you're cute, but arguing about that wouldn't be productive for you and it wouldn't invalidate my point anyway).


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> I don't, they're usually really nice and friendly guys that don't give off the "douche" vibe. That's the weird part. Some people are just terrible lol...you never know how mean some people can be!


Maybe they were gay? most women have bad gaydar lol


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

Glambada said:


> I'm not posting photos! :no


Why not, if you have already done so on other websites?


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Even though most men talk a lot of smack about much of a pimp they are, the majority of them are probably to scared to approach you.


said LIKE A BOSS lol

but seriously this is probably why


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Sam1911 said:


> Maybe they were gay? most women have bad gaydar lol


I don't know why people suspect this. They were all straight.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I'm really glad I don't get approached because I would have no choice but to reject them and then feel like crap about it.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

Freiheit said:


> I'm really glad I don't get approached because I would have no choice but to reject them and then feel like crap about it.


Why?


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

illmatic1 said:


> said LIKE A BOSS lol
> 
> but seriously this is probably why


 Lol!


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

hoddesdon said:


> Why not, if you have already done so on other websites?


I already said why....
...because I don't want anyone to try and knock my ego, lmao! Plus the photos I chose were kind of naughty........well more like bathing suit/lingerie naughty.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Glambada said:


> Why?


Because that's just how it has to be for the time being.


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## CPJB (Sep 16, 2012)

There are ways for girls to approach guys without them realising that they never took the first move, you did


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

bg09 said:


> guurll pleaaseee


This response made me laugh for some reason. 


CPJB said:


> There are ways for girls to approach guys without them realising that they never took the first move, you did


Don't leave me hanging...LOL! I need some examples, via message if possible. I mean there is one guy at work but we are in two different levels in life.

Then there is this other guy who I met 4 years ago. He is playing games; he said the dress I was wearing on our date, made me look bigger. So basically he called me a fat ***.

He texted me Friday and asked me what he can do to get with me...I just said not being a jerk would help. Then we were going back and forth, I sent him a photo, that he asked for and he said I looked nice.
This dude is weird, he texted me after 3 months and then disappears agian, I am going to blacklist him as soon as I figure out how to get that darn app!!!


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

How to pick up guys video coming tomorrow.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> How to pick up guys video coming tomorrow.


For real?! :boogie


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