# How do you stop worrying about things that happen at work?



## meco1999

Often when something "bad" happens to me at work (especially socialization related with coworkers - I have severe social anxiety...but could also be job duties related), I can't stop worrying about it after work. The worst is when something happens on a Friday and I have all weekend to worry incessantly about it. It's like I can't turn it off in my brain even though I try to do a hobby or watch a movie or listen to music. Occasionally I have trouble sleeping at night because of a work worry. 

How do you get work worries off your mind?


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## tardisblue

I've similar problems earlier this year. What I found, though, is that after a while I just learned to accept that I can't be perfect at work. If I make mistakes, well, no big deal. I can't do it all. That's basically what made me worry all the time because I just felt like a failure whenever things didn't go exactly as I wanted to, but the reality is that I'm allowed to mistakes, just like you are.


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## Trmick

I had to train myself to completely leave work behind. Luckily I have a job now where I don't have to bring much of it home with me.
I don't know, it's just kind of a compulsive behavior. For me the root was I was obsessed with trying to please, or to appear to be the very best. So it was on the mind a lot. At some point I learned to give it my all at work, and if that wasn't good enough, too bad. It gets tiring trying to please people. Just do the best for yourself and some good things will happen.


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## Kon

I quit. I did the same with school when it got too tough. I never had problems with co-workers though. Just bosses.


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## victoriangirl

I wish I knew to switch off the nagging in my head as well. I can totally relate to what you are going through. For me it is so important to distance myself from work the moment I leave the office, but with so much going on in my head ('did I say this right, 'was i rude', 'why did I make that stupid mistake' etc), the office follows me home. 

There are times that I can switch some of the nagging in my head- those are the moments when I do not care about anything; people, work, money or myself. Sadly those moments usually mean that I am depressed so that does not work out well for me either.


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## MPS

meco1999 said:


> Often when something "bad" happens to me at work (especially socialization related with coworkers or my boss - I have severe social anxiety...but could also be job duties related), I can't stop worrying about it after work. The worst is when something happens on a Friday and I have all weekend to worry incessantly about it. It's like I can't turn it off in my brain even though I try to do a hobby or watch a movie or listen to music. Occasionally I have trouble sleeping at night because of a work worry.
> 
> How do you get work worries off your mind?


Jeez, I could have typed this.

I've been on leave for the past couple of weeks and been relatively stress free (like yourself, events at work, be it on a professional or social level, always raise my anxiety levels tenfold). I return to work tomorrow and my insides are in knots. :afr


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## millenniumman75

I had to learn that there was nothing I could do until the next day. You can get a feel for situations then. In the meantime, worrying about things will not change a thing.

You can use the worrying for goal setting, though :yes.


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## meco1999

The problem is that an incident happened at work last Thursday (social anxiety related) that sent my anxiety levels sky high, and my anxiety has been high ever since then. My anxiety and worry has been high all weekend. I had trouble sleeping last night and last Thursday night because of the anxiety and worry. I can't seem to make it go away or get this stuff off my mind, it's there all day long. I'm not on any anxiety meds.

Anything I can do to relieve this anxiety and worry?

And how can I make myself sleep well? I don't have any sleep meds either other than over the counter meds that make me feel groggy the next day.


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## cham56

Just happened to me, yesterday, Friday. Sitting here thinking about it still. SA related, no errors I made, more of my visible fear of authority figures which may have led to a joke.


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## Propaganda

meco1999 said:


> How do you get work worries off your mind?


The more activities you participate in outside of work hours the less work related occurrences stick in the mind.


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## tardisblue

Propaganda said:


> The more activities you participate in outside of work hours the less work related occurrences stick in the mind.


This is so true. When you don't have much going on in your life, every little thing that goes wrong gets amplified. If you're busy with lots of activities, little things aren't that big of a deal.


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## peril

I just watch a lot of funny movies/series or I read books. The point is try to find something that is enjoyable for you to do and you actually have to do them right after work so you don't have time to worry.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

When it's bad enough I know I can stew all weekend, which is no good. How about venting it to someone? You could do it here even. Uhm, strangely meditation helped me stop mulling over a distressing situation once.


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## PitaMe

I do this all the time, and its horrible. But just like one of the people above me said, I've found the more activities you do outside of work the less you will worry about stupid things that happened there. Of course, participating in outside activities is hard to do when you have social anxiety. Here lies the problem.


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## PitaMe

Tips: I read a lot, and watch funny movies. A long drive sometimes helps (just don't get lost).


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## iluvkoalas

> The problem is that an incident happened at work last Thursday (social anxiety related) that sent my anxiety levels sky high, and my anxiety has been high ever since then. My anxiety and worry has been high all weekend. I had trouble sleeping last night and last Thursday night because of the anxiety and worry. I can't seem to make it go away or get this stuff off my mind, it's there all day long. I'm not on any anxiety meds.
> 
> Anything I can do to relieve this anxiety and worry?
> 
> And how can I make myself sleep well? I don't have any sleep meds either other than over the counter meds that make me feel groggy the next day.


Was this issue ever resolved?

If not, you could e-mail the other person or have a private talk with them. The e-mail should be done through personal e-mail, not work e-mail, as you wouldn't want anyone monitoring the e-mail to read it or risk getting in trouble at work.

Since your post said that the incident was social anxiety related, did you cause it? If so, taking responsibility for the incident via e-mail or in person goes a long way. It would help you relax and help the other person as well, I think.


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## iluvkoalas

Just to add, I had an incident with my coworker recently (I don't have social anxiety, but I believe that he does), and I posted it here. Even though I'm not responsible for what happened, I needed to e-mail him and ask him why he did it. I even asked him if he had SAD. He never answered, but I did it for myself. I wanted answers and a reply, but I knew that there was no guarantee. It put me at peace. Do I wish things were repaired? Absolutely. But trying to get resolution is for peace within yourself. At least YOU made the effort.


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## Maslow

roylee1970 said:


> I focus on my part of whatever happened and try to work on making sure I don't do whatever it was again. I find that when I'm working on bettering myself it takes my mind of my worries and gives me a more positive attitude about things. Hope this helps.


That's good advice. Too often we focus on the negative at the expense of the positive things in life. Work on self-improvement. You can also become more positive by showing gratitude for people, places, and things. Start the day off by making a list of things for which you're grateful. It could be friends, your spouse, this website, nature... anything you appreciate that enhances your life. Studies have shown that performing such an exercise can make you happier, and when you're happier, you're more relaxed, people like you more, you'll like yourself more, and you'll be perceived as being smarter and more attractive.


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## elistia

i think about some of the crap that has happened at work before and the fact that i probably felt similarly before managed to muddle thru it. i am still here. of course that doesn't eliminate the anxiety but it takes the edge off sometimes. the anxiety (or anger) isn't as acute.
then i wii boxercise or karate.
i'm reading "why zebras don't get ulcers" and trying to be very conscious of what i'm learning about human nature and how we react and/or respond to situations--trying to identify that point when i get myself into trouble by overthinking situations that have happened. and there are moments when literally, i am repeating in my head, "i'm a zebra. i'm a zebra. i'm a zebra" and try to keep myself "present." it keeps me from completely losing my temper. i tell myself that there's no point in worrying about the past because most times i can't fix it (or there's nothing to fix--it's all blown out of proportion in my head). and there's no point in worrying about the future because i really can't control it. i evaluate if my actions were inappropriate or something i seriously want to avoid in the future. knowing myself seems to be key to battling some of this stuff in a lot of ways.
and then i boxercise some more.


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## Maslow

elistia said:


> i'm reading "why zebras don't get ulcers"


Robert Sapolsky! My favorite neuroscientist.


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## Talgonite

I've been having this same problem lately, but it's all due to a single coworker who is almost-semi-sort of-my boss. @[email protected]

He's always saying these things that are really out of place in the conversation.

It's not until I am home and still trying to understand why he said them do I realize that it's about something I've done or said. Sometimes it even has to do with my personal life that he has found out about through other coworkers.

These things he says are always negative and making fun of me. It's more annoying than anything, but he's done it so much lately that I've built up this hatred for him. 

Today was the last straw though, I had listened to a song earlier and when I got to work I kept joking around with another coworker "Who took the bomp?" because that's the first line in the song. He didn't know what I was talking about but he never asked nor did I think he cared. Later he says "I like to make jokes that other people don't understand." At first I was like "uhhh...okay?" Then when I got home I realized he thought I was making a joke about something he didn't understand. Even though I was obviously not trying to cause anyone discomfort. He's seriously retarded. God this is so trivial I can't even believe I'm typing this out...

Anyways, it's just all these small comments like that that have built up, so tomorrow I'm going to exploit every weakness that I know about him including his personal life. I'm gonna tear him down in the same subliminal way and he is going to rue the day he pissed me off.

So that is personally how I am going to stop worrying about things at work.


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## iluvkoalas

On my end, it's hard when you know that the coworker, who I believe has social anxiety, is avoiding you and is very obvious about it. It's quite obvious when the person won't enter rooms knowing that you might be in them. It hurts when the person won't tell you why even if you ask. It hurts when you believed that the friend was your friend and he/she did a 360. The person will walk right in front of you and not even give you eye contact.


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## the look

*I can't ignore worries about work*

Whatever is bothering me from work seems to stick in my subconcious until the next working day. I can't ignore or dismiss it like some people suggest. I can distract myself with excercise or other activities, but I can still feel it rattling around, especially when trying to sleep. When I do go back to work it usually turns out to be not a big deal or not even mentioned. But sometimes it is a big deal. This may not be limited to just socially anxious people. I suspect alot of "normal" people do this also, but they have more people to vent to, which helps alot. What do you think all these people are blabbering on their phones about

Regarding annoying coworkers/bosses: I have noticed through my work carreer(10+ years) there is always that one person that uses my SA to their advantage. Quizing me about my personal life, like do I live with my parents?, do I have a girlfriend?, do I go out much?, etc. I never reveal the super sensitive info, because they can and will hold it above your head like an axe for the duration of your time working together. If that person leaves, another one always seems to take their place. Sometimes another coworker will try do defend me, but it actually makes it worse. The annoying coworker will irritate me more because the coworker that's defending me has too much confidence to say anything back to them.


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## BoringBum

I think meditation can be of great benefit. If I could recommend a book, it would have to be, "The Art of Meditation" by Matthieu Ricard.

Here is a brief outline of one type of practice you could partake in (although I still recommend the book as it goes deeper and gives greater insight into the theory behind the practice):

Here are the steps towards meditation in case you are interested:
1. Close the eyes
2. Start focusing on the breath
3. Watch the breath as it goes in and out of the nostrils (just pay attention to it)
4. Inevitably, your mind will start to drift. It could be random thoughts about the day, certain worries, it could be something that has to do with other people; whatever. But the important thing is to not get caught up in these thoughts. Instead of judging these thoughts and getting caught up in the potential emotions that the thoughts could produce (anger, jealousy, worry, etc.), just become mindful of the thoughts. What I mean by that is, acknowledge the presence of the thought, but do not become engrossed in them. Just notice them, and shift your focus back onto the breath.
5. Try it for about 10 minutes a day, and build up to longer durations when you become more comfortable.

Another meditative practice is compassion meditation. What you do is you build up a sense of love and compassion within yourself, and visualize yourself spreading that compassion to others. So for example, start building up a a sense of love and kindness for all being, and as you breath out, imagine sending a white nectar towards those who need that compassion (like your mom), and imagine them getting better (healing). If they are upset, imagine them feeling happy; if in pain, imagine the cessation of pain, etc. As you breath in, imagine taking all the negatives in the form of a gray cloud, and absorbing all the toxins of others who are suffering, to relieve them of their pain. This wording is taken from a book I read by Matthieu Ricard entitled "Happiness: A guide to developing life's most important skill." Look it up on amazon.com

Here is another post I did:

Meditiation is another good one. Sit for 5 minutes (then build up to 20 if you like it) and just start focusing on your breath, as it goes in and out of your nostrils. When a random thoughts pop into your head, acknowledge it without reacting to it, and go back to the breathing. You can then follow that up by awareness meditation. Close your eyes, and just start observing your thoughts as they enter your stream of consciousness. Do not react to them, start obsessing over them, or get upset over them. Just start thinking of them as short-lived experiences that are not based on reality. Really, they are just neuron firings in the brain, they do not reflect reality whatsoever in that present moment. When you start seeing the thoughts as just things with no substance, you will start to feel like these thoughts aren't really a part of 'you'. This meditation is training your mind to react differently to negative self-image thoughts. So say you are out in public and all of a sudden you start thinking "I feel dumb." Realize that this is not you yourself talking, nor is there any solid evidence to back this up. All you have to do is pay attention to that thought that says you feel dumb and move on. Do not react to the thought. Just see it as a thought. A negative thought, in this sense, is no different from a positive or a neutral thought. They are just random firings in the brain as a result of built-up habits. These thoughts aren't you. When you start seeing all negative thoughts in a more concrete and neutral light, they will start to have less of a negative impact on you. They will no longer linger around as much and they will not lead to a cascade of more negative thinking, because you start looking (just observing) the thought, and realizing that it has no substance.


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## BoringBum

Another book I would recommend is "Redirect" by Timothy Wilson. It goes over this Pennebaker writing exercise that helps you to let go of thoughts of a specific incident that have been bothering you for a while. Here is his website with instructions so you don't have to buy the book:

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/Faculty/Pennebaker/Home2000/WritingandHealth.html


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## 3Sheets

When I do something stupid, make a mistake ect. If I feel really bad about I drink a few beers and watch my favorite JackAss skits, it makes me realise that doing something stupid isn't such a bad thing.


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## Mitkeon

Found this old thread ... I'm wondering if the OP ( or anybody else ) got better through meditation, or hobbies, or whatever else.

I have the same exact problem, i keep waking up in the middle of the night worrying about work, trying to solve a problem ( sometimes a nonsensical problem ). It seems to be worst during the weekend. Sometimes i take benzos in the middle of the night to get over this, but i know it's not a good idea in the long term.


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## joserbn

hi mitkeon, the writing exercise described above seems good. mediation is also good. the key with all of them I find is practise and persistence. I find I stop doing after a while, maybe because the issue goes away. but the good thing is when you remember early enough and start doing the exercises again the recover is faster (in hindsight ).

ah another one i recommend are the 'feeling talk' exercises from "don't say yes when you want to say no". i like that book, and particularly the audiobook version which is only 1 hour long.


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## midnight766

meco1999 said:


> Often when something "bad" happens to me at work (especially socialization related with coworkers - I have severe social anxiety...but could also be job duties related), I can't stop worrying about it after work. The worst is when something happens on a Friday and I have all weekend to worry incessantly about it. It's like I can't turn it off in my brain even though I try to do a hobby or watch a movie or listen to music. Occasionally I have trouble sleeping at night because of a work worry.
> 
> How do you get work worries off your mind?


Are your coworkers/bosses unreasonably difficult to deal with? Do they not realize that it is human to make mistakes from time to time?

For me, the problem was - and still is (I'm trying to deal with it) is having the confidence of knowing that I do a good job. I'm a technical writer by profession and I know that I'm too hard on myself, even though I don't have a reason to be.

Of course I have made mistakes, but I have been fortunate enough that my coworkers and bosses are very understanding, it's never anything too serious but it still bothers me!

Just do the best job that you can do and know that you're not the only one who is making mistakes sometimes!


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## shammie

Fascinating topic. 

Simple answer - I don't. 

I let them bother me, and wind me up, until the worry and stress is unbearable. I continue to work at home, and pull all-nighters as a means of attempting to deal. In reality, very little gets achieved with this, but I need to be seen to be giving 110% due to my fear of being seen as lacking. 

I thought I'd left a window open at my last job, on my second day. So I paid for a taxi to take me back to check - and another taxi ride home again.

I quit less than a month in, as I'd done 3 all-nighters, we had a 9 month back-log of work when I joined, and the boss was already stating his willingness to "get nasty" to get things completed. I put enough stress on myself, I didn't need that too - but I did another all nighter, broke down, and had an absolutely **** night living in terror about work in the morning before coming to the realization it wasn't worth it.


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## muted soul

I worked as a groomers assitant for 2 years and recently was laid off because he slows down in the winter. Now I'm stuck looking for something else I alreasy quit one job after 3 days because I stressed myself out with worrying about having to deal with people. After working with animals and only really having to deal with my boss I found myself out of my comfort zone and not up to the challenge of something different. Now in kicking myself because I can't find anything else quick enough.
I fell into a deep depression again but have been able to push myself through it a little each day because its a sink or swim situation. I have 2 kids that i need to be strong for..its just hard when I feel like I am battling this war with myself..sometimes I can block out the negativity and trash talk but its exhausting. Ican act normal for the first few minutes when I meet someone then I just feel like they can see right through me and can just tell I'm kinda off..lol it doesn't help that I have a hard time with eye contact. All my life I've been this way..
Sometimes I wish I could remove my brain shake the **** out of it


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## Jodejay78

I can really relate to your experiences. I lie awake at night worrying and really wish I could switch off. Hugs


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## Jodejay78

Hi, I'm exactly the same, it absolutely exasperates me that I can't switch off. I work as a support assistant to autistic children and I'm always thinking about the job. My husband can't understand why I dwell about work as he just turns it off the min he gets in. I in the other hand think back to every thing I've done at work. 
So you're not alone in feeling this way hon


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## Rachyyy

*Cant stop Worrying about work*

I was prompoted to my job 9 months ago and work from home. I am hpwever on the road alot to clients. It is a job that requires great time management and recently i made a couple of errors in judgement where i ran out of time to make the correct choice for the client which led to dissapointment. I feel as though i have failed Myself. And as my management is in another state i worry they will doubt me now and feel the need to check up on me. I am very passionate about my role but now cant stop worryin that they will think badly and disipline me. I cannot stop doubting myself and its driving me insane. Does anyone have advice.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I just lost a temp job for this very reason. I was paranoid about making people upset, and they got upset.


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## Daveyboy

I use to worry a lot...
But I noticed it has stopped over time.. I think that's what it is.. Time..
I've been there a long time and now I'm pretty confident in the decisions that I make and I know all the idiosyncrasies of the people I work with and for..

So mistakes are rare and offending people even rarer...


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## riderless

meco1999 said:


> Often when something "bad" happens to me at work (especially socialization related with coworkers - I have severe social anxiety...but could also be job duties related),* I can't stop worrying about it after work. The worst is when something happens on a Friday and I have all weekend to worry incessantly about it. It's like I can't turn it off in my brain* even though I try to do a hobby or watch a movie or listen to music. Occasionally I have trouble sleeping at night because of a work worry.
> 
> How do you get work worries off your mind?


Typing my pain with his fingers....

Who resurrected this thread? Thanks heaps anyway. It's always been MY ISSUE!


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## riderless

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I just lost a temp job for this very reason. I was paranoid about making people upset, and they got upset.


.

Sorry to hear that.
But I'm the same. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Paranoia can actually become a reality.
If I'm not careful, I will lose my current job the same way.


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