# CREEPY neighbor keeps bothering me



## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.

i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out. 

i feel so sick after today and have been crying ever since it happened because i think he is a stalker. i feel scared living in my apt. too because i am all by myself. i had felt comfortable for the most part in my apt. until today. i want this person to leave me alone and don't know how to get him away from me. he parks wherever i park and it seems like he is trying to figure out my schedule because he's always outside rummaging in his car whenever i have to go somewhere. it makes me sick knowing he is on the other side of the wall. i have 4 months left on my lease too, but am scared of something worse happening in the meantime because it has been escalating since april.

HOW do i get him to go away and leave me alone???????????? I don't even know what to say for fear of retaliation. I feel like i don't want to leave my apt. anymore and am feeling like a prisoner.

EDIT: another scary thing about thing about this person is that i've heard him screaming/yelling at someone in his apt. he sounds like he is a violent person.


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## TheUnwelcome (Jul 9, 2009)

He sounds like he might have been coked out. Lol

You could try just walking away from him if he tries to come up and initiate conversation. Just try to pretend you don't hear him. Or just respond really quick and show him that you are busy and have to do your own thing than continue moving.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Umm if he's bothering you this much (mentally) I mean, I think you should move. A lot of hassle yes, but better in the long run. But do it discretely.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

oh yeah, i forgot to mention he really stunk of alcohol too. i don't think it was just the alcohol talking because he's done this several times before. i've tried to act busy whenever i've seen him, but he still tries to nudge his way in. it is hard for me be assertive around males. maybe he can sense i have difficulty with this and is taking advantage of it. i don't know.


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## NicoShy (Jun 11, 2009)

Keep your cell phone with you at all times and also mace. Let him know you are not afraid of him and talk loud when you see him. He probably thinks your scared to tell anyone. Just wave and keep it moving no chit chat. Ask him why he is watching u coming and going?



teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.
> 
> i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.
> 
> ...


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## ItemEleven (Apr 1, 2009)

He sounds like a psycho. I'd ignore him.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

mind_games said:


> Umm if he's bothering you this much (mentally) I mean, I think you should move. A lot of hassle yes, but better in the long run. But do it discretely.


i wouldn't have a problem with moving, but i'm on a lease for 4 more months.


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## EgoZero (Jul 12, 2009)

NicoShy said:


> Keep your cell phone with you at all times and also mace. Let him know you are not afraid of him and talk loud when you see him. He probably thinks your scared to tell anyone. Just wave and keep it moving no chit chat. Ask him why he is watching u coming and going?


I think this is the best advice. Just try to look not scared and like you don't care what he is doing. Yeah talk loud, when he starts talking too much say you don't have time for that and so on. He maybe jsut teasing you, because he feels that he can scare you.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

just tell him to f*&^ off. If he wants friendship that cool. If he wants to get in your pants...not so much.


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## kintrovert (Oct 28, 2005)

kos said:


> just tell him to f*&^ off. If he wants friendship that cool. If he wants to get in your pants...not so much.


To be honest, this doesn't sound like a guy with whom "friendship" would be cool. This sounds like an unstable guy who wouldn't respect those boundaries. You read what resulted from her just saying to him, "Hi...Bye - Have a Nice Day." She gave him an inch and he took a mile.

OP, I would do everything NicoShy suggested. Have you told anyone in your real life about this guy? I would make sure that someone in your real life is aware of this situation.

This may be over-the-top, but I'd might even try calling the police - giving as much detail as possible regarding the things this guy has done to make you uncomfortable. They may not have any legal grounds to do much at this point - but it couldn't hurt to try. It may even result in "off duty" security establishing a presence in your complex. Or, what is the security situation like there? Does your complex already have a security or a police presence?


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## Moon Fire (Oct 15, 2008)

It's making you vulnerable, having this guy around. It sounds like he's watching you and is making a bad attempt at being friendly. Don't, please, tell him to **** off as this may turn him hostile towards you and the best thing is for you to avoid that. Try and not bump into him. Is there anywhere else you can do laundry? If you have to do laundry there, can you do it at a time when he's not home? Do you have friends or family you could talk to about this? Is there someone whom that you can stay with temporarily while still renting that apartment until lease is finished?


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## gregt (Jul 15, 2009)

He's unstable mentally (as well as alcoholic) so there's probably nothing you can say or do that would get a rational response. I don't think he wants you to be afraid, I think he wants you to be his friend. The best thing may be to act, as best you can, like he doesn't exist. Don't look at him, and don't respond to his questions. When he approaches leave as soon as you can without any acknowledgment. Talking loudly on your cell phone could be a good diversion, even if you have to fake it. Act like you're talking to a man -- your boyfriend, your brother, your father, your boss, whoever. Say things like "Yeah, I'm down here in the laundry room now" or "I'm in the parking lot getting in my car." If you're doing that every time he might get tired and give up. It would also be a good idea to tell everyone you can about him, and if he ever touches you in any way (even a brush), you can call the police: physical contact is assault.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can resolve. That is a terrible and unfortunate situation that no one should have to live with.


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## shychick2 (Oct 20, 2008)

You could be in a sudden hurry and have to be somewhere (imaginary) if he talks to you.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Yeah. I'd say he's crazy. He probably doesn't realize he's freaking you out. Men who have that kind of "personality" (or whatever it is) going on almost never understand how much they're freaking the person they're obsessed with out. Either that or for some twisted reason, they do know they're freaking you out and they like it (Sorry but that's a possibility). 

Also, men like that usually believe (it seems) that their advances are welcomed and appreciated even if you flat out tell them you're not interested. They seem to have an idea that a female they get fixated on has a thing for them too. It's really weird but I think that's what they believe. 

I do think that person could be dangerous. I don't want to scare you any more than you are but it's just the truth. On one hand, I think you shouldn't have to move because of him but on the other hand, it man not be safe for you to stay there. 

Maybe you should talk to the management and tell them you're scared and don't know what to do and ask them not to tell him you told them. I wouldn't doubt that they've had complaints about him before. 

At any rate, I'm sorry you're going through this. Men like him make us all look bad. I think he's probably mentally ill and doesn't realize it but still.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

he sounds pretty scary to me. i agree with the other responses, he's unstable and probably alcoholic. if you think he might try to hurt you (which seems like it could be a possibility here), keep your keys in your hand when you walk and put the keys through your fingers (like wolverine lol) in case you have to fight back. also, look purposeful even when you don't see him (especially if you think he's watching you), don't stop and talk to him, try to give the impression that you're not afraid of him, but be polite. if he does anything that can be prosecuted, call the police.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Maybe he's trying unsuccessfully to imitate one of those pickup artist guys? Did he do any weird stuff like touch your arm or give you "negs?"


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## Salesguru (Jul 14, 2009)

What a jerk....He does probably think you are younger, since you say you look younger...most likely a sorry drunk child molestor...just tell him your real age he will probably leave you alone!!


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## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

The guy just sounds like a drunk. Next time you hear yelling call the cops. If you're lucky he has a warrant.  Plus if he really does reek of beer, then he might be publicly intoxicated. How about wearing headphones, or fake cell phone talking when he's around? That way he won't talk to you.


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## unusual condition (Jun 17, 2009)

Carry pepper spray...just in case.


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

I once told someone like that to **** off. Whatever you do, don't do that. You have to be firm but polite. Don't be encouraging in any way. Don't let him pressure you into answering any personal questions, even if you're going to lie. NicoShy had some good advice - carry your cell phone and mace at all times, and don't let him know you're scared of him.


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## listenjusting (Oct 18, 2008)

These are tricky situations to deal with as a woman.
Being friendly will definitely make it worse. Completely ignoring him or insulting him might make him violent since you heard him yelling in his apartment. Do you have more information about how he acts around other neighbours?
I think being distant with only yes/no answers while focussing on whatever you're doing is the best you can do.
Keep us updated how this evolves.


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## Jaan Pehechaan Ho (Dec 2, 2005)

whiterabbit said:


> I once told someone like that to **** off. Whatever you do, don't do that. You have to be firm but polite.


I was going to say that too. That kind of thing can only make things worse. I woudn't bring up that you are aware of him trying to stalk you - that might make him act out of desperation.

Like a few poster said: Tell a few people about him, maybe your other neighbor too. I also agree with Nicoshy's advice about the cellphone and mace.



rickthegreat said:


> Next time you hear yelling call the cops. If you're lucky he has a warrant.


That's a good idea too.


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## bunnie (Oct 15, 2007)

Oh my, this guy sounds like many men who flood my town. I get the same type of treatment from the creepos around here. My best advice is to just keep being short with him, like you have been. I know how uncomfortable this must be for you!

Years ago when I was riding the bus, this old man was talkin to me asking me what I was in school for. The conversation seemed innocent. I really didn't feel like talking, but I did anyway because I am just too nice. Well anyway one day I saw him at the bus terminal and he tried to kiss me on the cheek!!! I was horrified. It taught me a lesson though: don't let people get too comfortable; keep them at an arms length.....more like 20 arms.


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## miminka (May 10, 2009)

How old do you think this guy is? Total creep. I agree with everyone, especially the pepper spray and cell phone idea.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

bunnie said:


> It taught me a lesson though: don't let people get too comfortable; keep them at an arms length.....more like 20 arms.


Not every guy who makes conversation with you is a creep, you probably didn't read the warning signs right that time. I'd hate to be a guy with SA who tried to show interest in you only to be treated like a creepy old guy coming out of an alley.


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## Annyka (Apr 21, 2009)

he really sounds disturbing. try to avoid him as much as you can and when he tries to talk with you answer just with simple words like "mmmm" when you mean yes and etc. maybe he gets bored and leaves you alone. i hate to say this but if he continues making you feel so uncomfortable you maybe should move :/


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.
> 
> i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.
> 
> ...


OMG - flashback. :afr

I think it is *harsh* that you have called him a rapist, a mugger, a stalker, a creep, and a violent person in this post. There is no concrete evidence of this. It is not fair to him. I don't think you'd like having stuff like that thought about you. If he were a stalker, he'd probably be in jail all the time - you wouldn't be the first.

I have had a miniature version of this done to me - it's not fair. It's awful. It truly makes me not want to talk to ANY girl after hearing this.

I don't know about this. Part of this is in your mind. The rest, well, we'll see. There are MANY ways this can be interpreted.

First of all, the conversation, is a bit weird, but it sounded like he was intrigued that he sees you but you never say anything to anyone. Pretty people are sometimes seen as outgoing and you didn't fit that mold to him.
They don't know how to react to someone if they don't say anything. He was probably trying to prove to himself that you weren't weird.

If he is your neighbor, then he has a right to park where he needs to park. He is also a tenant. He has to follow the same rules you do.

For the shouting, it could be anyone - he could be on the phone or watching television, or shouting at it. Heck, even I vent and shout! I'm anxious, too. He could be anxious.

If you really feel you can't be around him - pretend he doesn't exist. He has a right to do his own thing as long as he does not harm you. If he does, then you can take action. Drawing up these things is only scaring you more and preventing you from reaching out.

The rummaging through a car - coincidence. Even so, you are at a distance and he is not hurting you. He has a right to go through his car.

It's paranoia - I know, because I had the other perspective. I derealize, people freak out and think I am a stalker - I try too hard to get people to like me. That's probably his issue - he may be afraid to reach out. Does he speak to other people?

Part of the deal with SA is that we have to get to know people and be a better judge of character than we have been in the past. Paranoia and fear run VERY high when we don't have enough information about someone. Everybody has their own issues.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

vicente said:


> I'd hate to be a guy with SA who tried to show interest in you only to be treated like a creepy old guy coming out of an alley.


Heh, stories like these make me grateful for my paralyzing shame. Without SA, I _know _that I'd be some alcoholic, pathologically desperate, derelict creep. Actually, I'm already most of those things, but at least I know that I shouldn't bother making conversation with women because I'll freak them out. Depresses the hell out of me since a lot of these types don't mean any harm; they just never get the hint in social situations.


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## Prefix (Jul 6, 2009)

This sounds like trouble - keep your cell phone and some pepperspray with you at all times.. Try confronting him, but not rudely (don't just tell him to "**** off" or something, but politely/firmly tell him to back off or that you are not interested).

You could also say you have a boyfriend, that might discourage him.. But if I were you, I'd get outta there ASAP. :/


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Is there someone you know you can call while you are coming in or going out of your apartment? You could even pretend to be busy on your phone, but having a real person on the other end would be more re-assuring for you.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

mm75 has a point, we don't know the guy. so this could all just be paranoia. but _whether it is or not_, carrying a cell phone at all times (and mace, if you feel you need it) is like basic safety 101. just do what you need to in order to feel safe.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

tigerlilly said:


> mm75 has a point, we don't know the guy. so this could all just be paranoia. but _whether it is or not_, carrying a cell phone at all times (and mace, if you feel you need it) is like basic safety 101. just do what you need to in order to feel safe.


A cellphone would a normal thing to have - it won't look like you'd be out to get him. Just don't put too much thought into this stuff - it can hurt the chance to just build relationships in the future.

My dad (miss him!) always called it "putting two and two together....and getting EIGHT". :eyes :no


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## TigerLilyie (Jul 14, 2009)

What??!!! This guy sounds nuts!!! I would tell your apartment complex, and move out the next chance you get. Like everyone has said, please carry some mace or perhaps even a taser. Keep us posted!


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

He is harrassing you, no doubt. This is not the same as a friendly kind of talk to test interest in you. The advice about having pepper spray, cell phones is good, and telling the management. I am really sorry. I could say a lot of things but I really feel uncomfortable telling personal stories on here.


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## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

Have your body language reflect your disinterest in him. Avoid eye contact, look and act busy. If he initiates conversation, you're within your rights to decline the invite, ignore, etc. He sounds pushy so you need to be even more persistent. Like sunshine I have personal stories where I was vulnerable and my shy/nice signals were taken the wrong way.


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## tony0306 (Mar 11, 2009)

Mace and a whistle.

Know where the fire alarm is. If I recall you saying apartment, is there one of those pull down things on the wall to sound the alarm? If not, know the basic safety technique of yelling "FIRE" if anything happens.

I don't want to be alarmist, of course we hope nothing happens, but by mentioning these things they should now be in the front of your head ready for use.


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## mrfixit (Jun 25, 2009)

one thing that i have learned from life is NEVER let anyone talk nonsense to you. their ego and confidence will just grow and they will keep coming back if you allow that. 

having said that, is there anyway you can change your routine for the next 4 months? park in different areas. don't get home at the same time every time. avoid walking by the losers apartment. maybe talk to your manager and explain your situation and see if she/he can give you a different apartment far from this guy. 

it doesnt matter if the guy is a good guy or not, he is invading your space and making you feel uncomfortable.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I think this would be one of those times where I would tell him outright to get lost. Then, be sure to have the pepper spray handy for future occasions.


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.
> 
> i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.
> 
> ...


The next time he is there, which seems a lot, mention you run a business from the apartment and because as such you have a direct line to a security guard and security services and the minute you pick up your phone they are there in like seconds.
It seems also you are in a appt building. Doesnt he have to intercom first before he is let up?

He is out of line with what he is saying, by the way.


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## Jaan Pehechaan Ho (Dec 2, 2005)

tigerlilly said:


> mm75 has a point


Come on, you're saying if someone tells you the things he told her you're not going to freak out? He is definitely harrassing/stalking her.


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## dunky (Jul 10, 2009)

Hey it's possible this guy is completely normal in all aspects, except for conversation skills. Maybe he just wants to make a new friend or find a woman and he's going about it in a way that comes off as creepy?


Or maybe he's just a creep. You never can tell with some people.


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## socially inept (Mar 6, 2009)

teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.
> 
> i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.
> 
> ...


i seriously urge you to report this to the police as soon as possible.

this guy sounds like bad news


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

You mean a guy's being warm n friendly enough to go outta his way to speak to you and this is how you treat him in return? For shaaame.


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## socially inept (Mar 6, 2009)

Conquistador said:


> You mean a guy's being warm n friendly enough to go outta his way to speak to you and this is how you treat him in return? For shaaame.


im not being funny but he sounds dangerous

saying ''you are pretty'' over and over , and then saying ''i cant beleive im breathing the same air as you '' is plain creepy

watching her from places were she cant see him. sneaking up on her

not to mention he is 50 and she is in her 20's . someone that age shudnt be saying stuff like ''you are so pretty ''' to a 20 years old

and one last thing - HER INTUITION IS TELLIN HER THIS GUY IS BAD NEWS. SHE IS GETTING A BAD VIBE OFF HIM, HE IS FREAKING HER OUT


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

That is really creepy. I find it disappointing and odd that a lot of people are telling you not to worry about a stalker. I guess that a lot of people from this site are probably just like him and think its okay to follow someone around and act innapropriatley. Tell him to stop firmly if he wont leave you alone i guess you can call the cops on him lol. Hey if hes a jerk he deserves it.


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## homer (Nov 23, 2008)

Even if he is simply misunderstood, and that isn't the impression I get here AT ALL, if your instincts say something is wrong you have to listen to your instincts. Find somewhere else to do your laundry. Keep a low profile. If he tries to talk to you, act like you are in a hurry. Talk to your neighbors and let them know what is going on. Try to spend less time at your apartment so you don't run into him.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Jaan Pehechaan Ho said:


> Come on, you're saying if someone tells you the things he told her you're not going to freak out? He is definitely harrassing/stalking her.


The conversation was one incident. The car thing could be a coincidence. I see my neighbors all the time. It does not mean I am stalking them or vice versa, no matter what we think. He is going about his business. It's not like the guy is drooling over her or anything - that's a bit far-fetched.

Innocent until proven guilty!

If I found out somebody was accusing me of stalking - I'd file a police complaint and a restraining order if necessary.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> OMG - flashback. :afr
> 
> I think it is *harsh* that you have called him a rapist, a mugger, a stalker, a creep, and a violent person in this post. There is no concrete evidence of this. It is not fair to him. I don't think you'd like having stuff like that thought about you. If he were a stalker, he'd probably be in jail all the time - you wouldn't be the first.
> 
> ...


I never called this guy a rapist or mugger. I said I have a fear of being raped or attacked if i'm left alone with males in an enclosed, poorly lit area. Maybe part of this has to do with past abuse from family, but this is how I feel and I'm still dealing with it. It is a matter of my instincts trying to protect myself. This guy has come on WAY too strong too many times and when people come on strong, I tend to feel very uncomfortable and suspicious. I think that it is only human nature to feel that way.

Sorry that you had someone accuse of you being a stalker and that my post brought up bad memories for you. However, this person has given me bad vibes since day 1 and I tend to trust my intuition because it has been very accurate in the past. I also think it is extremely odd for someone who looks like he is in his 50s to tell someone who (me) looks likes like a teenager (I'm 23, but i have had people tell me i look like I'm still high school) that the way they act is "such a TURN ON." Maybe he is socially backward, but him saying that, along with him saying he watches me walking to & from my apt. made me feel VERY uncomfortable.

When i heard him yelling a few weeks ago I heard him say "I'M SICK OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in a scary voice. I also heard pounding in his apartment during this time. I don't know what he was talking about, but the fact that he was screaming caught my attention. I also have known people to act sweet as sugar on the outside, when behind closed doors they are a monster. This is the impression I have gotten from him. He also mentioned to me he is a loner. I have no problem with loners, and maybe I am one too, but judging from his actions and hearing him yell, it leads me to believe he is a loner because he is not well liked. not because he wants to be left alone.

I also realize he has rights as a tenant and can park where he wants, as well as rummage through his car whenever he pleases. I've seen other tenants do this and I have no problem with people that park by me on a regular basis. I've never been suspicious of these other tenants. The reason why I brought this up was the fact that when I first moved here he parked in a different spot regularly, then all of a sudden he started parking by me. I tested him to see if he would continue to park by me by parking in different areas a several times and he still parked by me. Combined with the fact that he has already come on strong toward me and is parking by me alarms me. It's also strange that he is out rummaging in his car whenever I leave. This has led me to believe he is trying to learn my schedule so he can talk to me. A lot of the things he has done are patterns of stalkers, and again, I'm sorry someone accused you of being one and you don't like my assumption, but I'd rather be safe than sorry by being suspicious.

I've also seen him talking to other tenants and he hasn't come on nearly as strong toward them as he has me. Also, why would a stranger say "I can't believe I'm even breathing the same air (he actually said carbon MONOXIDE, but I figured he meant DIOXIDE) as you," "I don't even deserve to polish your shoes," "I can't believe you allowed me to talk to you," etc. These statements struck me as VERY odd to say to someone you don't even know nor have had a conversation with before, other than "hi," "i'm in a hurry. bye, have a nice day." He also pressured me into telling him my name (i didn't tell him my real name) when he originally said I DIDN'T have to tell him it if i didn't want to. He also wasn't doing laundry when I was, but still went in there to bother me. I was trying to hide in the corner so he would avoid seeing me, but he still came in there.

Another thing to note is that I live in an area where there are A LOT of gangs and drug dealers. In fact, when I moved to my current apt. the new manager told me they had just evicted a bunch of drug dealers. There are SEVERAL sex offenders who live within a 2 miles radius from me, as well. This says a lot about where I live and the people who inhabit here. Maybe I am paranoid, but I have to take this into account when someone probably 25+ years older comes on strong toward me when I look like a teenager.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

teabagred said:


> When i heard him yelling a few weeks ago I heard him say "I'M SICK OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in a scary voice. I also heard pounding in his apartment during this time.


Sounds like me when I'm listening to punk rock records. :duck

...But yeah, there's plenty of good tips here if you feel genuinely threatened.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> The conversation was one incident. The car thing could be a coincidence. I see my neighbors all the time. It does not mean I am stalking them or vice versa, no matter what we think. He is going about his business. It's not like the guy is drooling over her or anything - that's a bit far-fetched.
> 
> Innocent until proven guilty!
> 
> If I found out somebody was accusing me of stalking - I'd file a police complaint and a restraining order if necessary.


Well, actually, he has tried to talk (could be considered harassment to some) to me 3 different times before, but i really had been in a hurry and busy those other times, so he couldn't say much to me. I wasn't busy yesterday and he took advantage of this and kept talking and asking me questions. One of the times he tried to talk to me was in the laundry room. I don't like someone trapping me in an enclosed space and telling me the way I act is a turn on. This person IS trying to talk to me and it is UNWANTED. I also think he is having his son look for me too because he STARES at me and does double/triple takes when he sees me.

I have lived in MANY apartments before and I have never encountered somebody like him before. I haven't even accused him of stalking in public. All I said was that i THINK he is a stalker because his behavior is similar to those who are stalkers. Stalking has stages, for all i know it could be in the EARLY stages. I don't want his attention!!!!!!! It's not a compliment to me to be told that i turn a stranger on!!!!!!

Sorry you are offended by my posts, it is not meant as an attack on you! I'm just expressing my concerns and wanted advice.

Also, not to sound conceited and like I think I am SOOOOOOOOO HOT, but it felt like he was drooling over me because he told me i was "really pretty" 5 times in the span on 20 minutes, that i am in good shape, walk like i know what i'm doing, probably get told i am attractive all the day, etc. I mentioned what else he's said in previous posts.


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## Jurexic5 (Jun 23, 2009)

one idea that comes to mind that i didn't see as i skimmed though this. i suggest to try and find someone you can trust to move in with you for the next four months. have them escort you around and stuff.

or tell him you have a boyfriend or you're married, heh.


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## Jaan Pehechaan Ho (Dec 2, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> The conversation was one incident. The car thing could be a coincidence. I see my neighbors all the time. It does not mean I am stalking them or vice versa, no matter what we think. He is going about his business. It's not like the guy is drooling over her or anything - that's a bit far-fetched.
> 
> Innocent until proven guilty!
> 
> If I found out somebody was accusing me of stalking - I'd file a police complaint and a restraining order if necessary.


I'm sorry that you were accused of stalking someone, and they were probably wrong. But this guy clearly has a problem. I mean, a "50 year old" man saying those kind of things to someone who looks like a teen, and in an "enclosed space." and that wasn't the ONLY incident she mentioned.

teabagred, how about going to laundromat around your area next time? or taking someone with you.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

I've thought about saying something to management, but I'm afraid of how this guy will react towards them OR if they will even take me serious. I don't know if I will bother with the cops because I filed a police report in the past when someone threatened to "kick my ***" and told me they'd be waiting for the cops at my door if I decided to call them. The cops almost didn't file it because they said no incident had occurred and nothing could be done until physical contact has been made. 

The only person I've told in real life is my mom and she said he sounds like he could be a stalker. She said she has had some men do the same to her and that I should take it seriously. MY DAD also stalked her for years and years until she gave in and went back to him. She is STILL with him because she gave up trying to get away. If some of you feel that I'm overreacting to this situation, please understand that someone stalking me terrifies me because I don't want to end up like my mom. She has known him for almost 30 years, is miserable, has no friends or life, and very reclusive because of him. He changed her life dramatically.

My mom said I should say to him that I am underage (i could pass for under 18, i suppose), I don't appreciate his comments, and to leave me alone. She said I should do it now so it doesn't progress, IF it is anything serious (i'm saying IF to not offend those who feel he is just being friendly). She also said I need to make it known that I have other people in my life. The problem is, I don't. I don't have any immediate family in this town and only have acquiantances who I don't feel close enough with to burden with this. 

I want to say thanks to everyone for your advice. It is very much appreciated. It feels good to know I'm not the only one who thought this guy's behavior was strange.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Jaan Pehechaan Ho said:


> I'm sorry that you were accused of stalking someone, and they were probably wrong. But this guy clearly has a problem. I mean, a "50 year old" man saying those kind of things to someone who looks like a teen, and in an "enclosed space." and that wasn't the ONLY incident she mentioned.
> 
> teabagred, how about going to laundromat around your area next time? or taking someone with you.


I'm just going to try to do it when I see that his car is gone. I HAD been doing that and hadn't had any run-ins with him, but I didn't listen to my instincts and did it at 6 pm thinking it'd be OK. It's more convenient to use the one I have been using because it is just steps from my apartment, but I guess I could also use the other laundry room in the complex during the day. It is close by the management office, athough quite a ways away from my apt. Or maybe I should just hand wash my clothes, haha. It's such a pain though. I need one of those washboards, but don't know where to find them.


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## Jaan Pehechaan Ho (Dec 2, 2005)

Whatever you end up doing, I hope you stay safe for the next 4 months. I have never gone through anything like this, but I'm sure it's really scary.



teabagred said:


> I need one of those washboards, but don't know where to find them.


Try a music store. I see musicians playing with them all the time (well, not all the time, but I've seen some). I would get a baritone - I imagine those getting more dirt out than a tenor.

Oh no, now you got me watching washboard music videos on youtube, see:


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

He is not innocent. He is guilty of harrassing you. You know it. I know what you are saying and how he is going on and on with it. You have described what he has said that is enough evidence. But you also know it is not your habit to accuse people as you describe so you know you don't have some unreasonable trigger. This is something that is not easy to deal with and there are many options to take. As people here would say they would do different things. It is good to consider all of them. And to talk to your girlfriends about it. Every situation is different. 

What I would do: Try to avoid him, and look to move. Tell him outright that you are not interested in him and you are not talking to him and go about your business. Don't tell him to stop talking because he may not. But you can say you are not going to talk to him. That is a clear signal to him. If you live in a low-income area, maybe you can find a roommate and live in a better area, if that is possible. I am really sorry this is happening to you. It is scary and causes torment. There are some good books out there on how to protect yourself and a lot of them talk about being aware of your surroundings. You are able to do this because you have said you don't go around accusing people and you know you are clear in this area of your perceptions. Being aware of problems forming and taking steps to avoid them is very good to know. 

If a guy was polite to you and showed interest, you'd be a little flattered right? But this isn't the case, its not polite at all. The comments about watching you, about your appearance go too far. Nice people don't do things like that. They may watch you but they don't go around saying it. They don't go out of their way to watch either like the car rummaging. I had a neighbor that did that before when I was growing up. They may think you are really pretty but they don't say it a million times. Or say it at all. They don't keep on talking when they see someone is uncomfortable and making comments on their appearance. Gosh, I really feel bad for you. 

It would be so great if you could get a roommate and live in a better area. Keep telling others and getting ideas. It is one of the things that women talk about to each other. It would be neat if you could get a guy to show up as playing your boyfriend who he would run into if you know he is going to corner you in the laundry room again, who is maybe a large guy who is a friend's brother or relative or their boyfriend and to say something to him. Somebody that will show up after you are there and he is there. That would put a scare into him. Heck, some would pay some to do that. That way you haven't gotten the police involved that might make him angry and this is just a normal seeming situation. And your fake boyfriend and you would talk about his job a little which is a police officer and he would use that kind of talk. That is a good thing to keep in mind. And you can also talk on the cellphone in front of him, fake conversations about the police like having a police officer in your family - maybe your dad?, about legal things - how your brother is a lawyer? -, and sound mad on the phone to show your temper indirectly. This makes it look like there are more people around you like your mom said. You'd have to think about this some what to say but it is an option. That may also scare him.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Jaan Pehechaan Ho said:


> Whatever you end up doing, I hope you stay safe for the next 4 months. I have never gone through anything like this, but I'm sure it's really scary.
> 
> Try a music store. I see musicians playing with them all the time (well, not all the time, but I've seen some). I would get a baritone - I imagine those getting more dirt out than a tenor.
> 
> Oh no, now you got me watching washboard music videos on youtube, see:


Hah! Never thought of a music store for laundry cleaning devices. Thanks for that.

Sunshine, thanks as well for the good advice. I never thought to do the fake conversation thing that you and others have mentioned. I might actually do that even though i hate to talk on the phone in public.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> OMG - flashback. :afr
> 
> It's paranoia - *I know, because I had the other perspective. I derealize, people freak out and think I am a stalker - I try too hard to get people to like me.* That's probably his issue - he may be afraid to reach out. Does he speak to other people?
> 
> *Part of the deal with SA is that we have to get to know people and be a better judge of character than we have been in the past*. Paranoia and fear run VERY high when we don't have enough information about someone. Everybody has their own issues.


I agree with the words in green. But the black -You had someone say that about you? I can't picture you being at fault. :no No. That's not one of your problems. It seems like there are sometimes neighbors that can't mind their own business and have to know everyohe elses or they talk about them. You know there is the "inner circle" group everywhere, in social groups, work, neighbors, that makes unfounded judgments.

I remember you saying before about your astro signs (I remember most peoples most of the time lol) that you had a scorpio moon. Did you know that I read that a scorpio sun, moon or ascendant will cause the eyes to get big and watery like with a lot of intense and piercing emotion? I only have scorpio in jupiter myself but I read about all signs. I remember you saying a few times that you seem to stare, well its just how you are built physically! Scorpio characteristics usually get others attention and people talk about them. People with the sun in scorpio have a wider range of physical characteristics besides just the eyes, they often have thick hair that is hard to control that people talk about, they can gain weight fast and people talk about that, women can have large breasts that people talk about, women can have a naturally muscular build that people talk about also or say how they think they can't get a man for that - which is so rude. The eyes can look curious and people can misinterpet that. I have seen it with scorpio women friends and it really upsets me. With you, its just the eyes perhaps like what I read. Whenever I see someone with eyes like that, I always think they have a strong scorpio in one of those 3 placements.

I don't think this man is innocent but I am sorry this happened to you. I can see how the similar accusations are upsetting and triggering. Whenever I overhear women talk about another woman that is strange I immediately have a bias toward the woman usually until proven that she is. Because I see the way the women are talking and they look so careless and shallow and I can't help but think they are too quick to make judgments. There are always people to accuse others of being strange when they are just awkward. But this man doesn't sound at all awkward to me. It just sounds like trouble to me. :um


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Tell him you have a boyfriend and he doesn't want you talking to him anymore.


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## Moon Fire (Oct 15, 2008)

You said you have to stay until your lease is up... why don't you tell the owners of the apartment/landlord/agents/management your experience with this tenant. You're vulnerable and don't deserve to be harassed by a neighbour like this. You also have rights.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me.


If you feel threatened call the police its not that complicated.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

socially inept said:


> saying ''you are pretty'' over and over , and then saying ''i cant beleive im breathing the same air as you '' is plain creepy
> 
> watching her from places were she cant see him. sneaking up on her


Nobody normal would say stuff like that to someone. He's either a nice guy who doesn't know how to talk to people or he's a ****ed in the head old creeper.
But don't take any chances and get away from him, or find someway to make him leave you alone.

I don't have anything to suggest, though.


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## dunky (Jul 10, 2009)

Carry a taser, and when you see a bug and that guy is around, bust it out and yell "AHAHAHA I GOT YOU!!!" and tase the bug. I can guarantee he won't mess with you anymore if you seem trigger happy.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

LoneLioness said:


> Tell him you have a boyfriend and he doesn't want you talking to him anymore.


the only problem with this is that, if he IS crazy, which he probably is, that sounds like she doesn't really want to stop talking to him but she will because she has to.


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## YoY (Jul 16, 2009)

I would say hes very unstable and desperate and that you should assert yourself whenever possible. Don't give him the wrong idea by backing down, humans are fight or flight creatures and if you do neither of these he will perceive the situation however he wishs it to be.

given his age i would say that this isn't the first time hes obsessed or stalked a women like yourself. You need to do whatever is within your power to put yourself in as safer situation. always have your cellphone, carry pepper spray, carry a tazer, learn self defense. always stay aware so that you may act swiftly when needed and use your fear to take appropriate action.

This guy is not your friend and you need to TAKE ACTION people will help you all you need to do is ask PLEASE ask don't let this sonofa***** twisted **** back you into a corner BE STRONG! SPEAK OUT! for god sake talk to other people in your apartment and spread the word you need help and people will help you! your judgment is sound go with your gut instinct!!!!


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> If you feel threatened call the police its not that complicated.


Well some people get mad when you do that, and then they look for revenge because its humiliating. They might do it (the revenge) through another person and not themselves, so they won't get caught. They will have an alibi of course, and hire the person or its a friend. Sometimes its good to call the police and sometimes it isn't.

"Leave me alone I have a boyfriend!" is a good first step, like someone else said.

Then if he says "well why do you look so sad then? problems with your bf?"

Hey, My cousin died! Leave me The F alone! (Its not a bad idea to curse with an assertive explanation. Self-defense experts say this. Even if you don't curse otherwise. I would rather not use the curse word in a way that calls him something but in another part of the sentence. I think that way he will not replay it in his head that you called him something)

"okay okay geez you don't have to be so nasty about it" (this is a likely response, to try to make you feel guilty, in which you do not play into it and just ignore him. "when did your cousin die?" is also likely response. "It's none of your business! Leave me alone!"

"Leave me alone!"
"It's none of your business!" 
"I am not interested!"

You can repeat these over and over again. That's called The Broken Record Technique in assertiveness psychology terms.

Then he if still seems to be a problem:

Enter the "fake boyfriend" who is taller than him and stronger and looks tough that meets you at the laundry when he is "off-duty on his police job." lol. Which "you talk about the job in front of him". This is ideal to do I think without actually getting the police involved. but may be hard to set up. Perhaps you can ask around to find someone into bodybuilding and who can have a mean looking face if they try.


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## Annyka (Apr 21, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> OMG - flashback. :afr
> 
> I think it is *harsh* that you have called him a rapist, a mugger, a stalker, a creep, and a violent person in this post. There is no concrete evidence of this. It is not fair to him. I don't think you'd like having stuff like that thought about you. If he were a stalker, he'd probably be in jail all the time - you wouldn't be the first.
> 
> ...


okay, first she didn't call him a rapist or mugger. second, he's in his 50s and she's in her early 20s, he could be her father and this guy is still trying to hit her. he doesn't sound socially anxious to me. and third, she feels uncomfortable/scared because of that and she doesn't have to stand it just because this person 'could be socially anxious'.
my opinion.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

OK, I found it it's worse than I thought. I found out this guy's name and he is ACTUALLY IN HIS 60s and NOT 50s like I assumed. He also has been charged with DOMESTIC VIOLENCE before (his ex-wife). I told management yesterday about this and they said I should make a police report before he does something to me. They were appalled at what they learned and it's possible they might evict him because of this. The problem is I am afraid of retaliation. This guy might have 60 days to get out too, and could stay that whole time till the sherriff comes, so relief may not come for months.

I also had someone come bang/ring my door bell hard and forceful after 1 AM last night for literally 5 MINUTES. It wasn't this same neighbor that is bothering me. I have no idea who the person was, but he had an ANGRY look on his face and I actually thought he was going to break down my door by the sound of his knocking & ringing. The timing of the pounding on my door/ringing is all too suspicious. It's possible it was someone the 60 yr. knows. It scared me so much, I actually ended up calling 911, which was really hard because I was quivering and shaking the whole time I was on the phone. The recording of the 911 call probably sounds like a 5 year old is on the other line. Nothing came out of this though. They said they saw no one "suspicious" near my apt., just like they always do. They didn't even come to my door!!!! They just called my cell phone. I tried to call my mom to tell her, but she rarely answers her phone no matter what time of day it is.

I have barely slept since wednesday and I am to the point where I am so afraid to go to sleep. I have put heavy objects in front of my front door and kept a hammer by my bed when I tried to sleep this morning. I only slept 3 hrs. after being up for 1 1/2 days. I've also been parking quite a ways away from my apt., just so this 60 yr. can't look for my car.

My birthday is tomorrow too and it's just depressing to be another year older and having to deal with this crap at the same time.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Annyka said:


> okay, first she didn't call him a rapist or mugger. second, he's in his 50s and she's in her early 20s, he could be her father and this guy is still trying to hit her. he doesn't sound socially anxious to me. and third, she feels uncomfortable/scared because of that and she doesn't have to stand it just because this person 'could be socially anxious'.
> my opinion.


I found out he is really 60. He's the same age as my dad and is old enough to be my grandpa!


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## Freak (Jul 18, 2009)

Hi I have read your posts and felt I must post - I am a man but have also been stalked.
I think everything you have done is right - theres no rashioning with stalkers
and you can't be sure the knocking on the door was anything to do with him.
You dont need this **** but don't loose your strength, forget this wierdo for now and have a good Birthday


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

A couple of locks would suffice.
I think part of this you are bringing one yourself - trust me, I have been through the same anxiousness as you. I remember not being able to sleep and fearing for my sanity like you. At this point, I was put on antipsyhotics to help me sleep. I am not kidding.

Yes, he may have had a domestic violence charge, but other than the conversation, there is nothing that can be done - he didn;t do anything to you directly other than the conversation. If that made you feel so uncomfortable, you could have parked the car where you did back then. 

Again, you assume who the domestic violence charge was about. You don't know the full story. Yet, you went to management for a charge that he may have already served. If he served his time, he has the right to live freely - you turned him into a pariah. If he gets evicted for something he didn't do, he can sue the landpeople.

Honestly, at this point, I had to go to a doctor - the anxiety and fear was beyond my control at this point.

As has been made before, this thread has made me quite uncomfortable, and nobody seems to understand what I am getting at. I am tempted to lock this thread outright. As a moderator, I have tried to at least provide a differing viewpoint.

I am sorry you are going through this, I really am. I have been there - fetal position and all. But some of this, I remember distinctly bringing on myself because I did not know how to react to the situation. Certain things did happen, but some of it didn't. It took therapy to put me on track.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Annyka said:


> okay, first she didn't call him a rapist or mugger. second, he's in his 50s and she's in her early 20s, he could be her father and this guy is still trying to hit her. he doesn't sound socially anxious to me. and third, she feels uncomfortable/scared because of that and she doesn't have to stand it just because this person 'could be socially anxious'.
> my opinion.


Yes, she did. She hoped he wasn't any of the above or that he could retaliate. From one conversation, and coincidences from being outside in public where people could witness anything that could happen, look what has happened. The whole situation is a mess.

****Thread Lock Watch****
There have been a lot of things that in this thread that just plain should not have been posted. Too many emotions, fears, and anxiety can be triggered through this thread. I gave an indirect advisory that this thread needed to brought under control. Now, I am making it official. If this continues, I will have no choice but to lock the thread. The moderation team will be notified.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

teabagred, if i were you i would find someone else to stay with for a while.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

tigerlilly said:


> teabagred, if i were you i would find someone else to stay with for a while.


Thank you, Tigerlily - in one sentence, you have wrapped up my case :lol.
A healthy second opinion does far more than you think!


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Sunshine009 said:


> Well some people get mad when you do that, and then they look for revenge because its humiliating. They might do it (the revenge) through another person and not themselves, so they won't get caught. They will have an alibi of course, and hire the person or its a friend. Sometimes its good to call the police and sometimes it isn't.


Revenge is what I am afraid of and it is all just too suspcious someone I've never seen before came banging/ringing my door forcefully at 1 AM for 5 minutes last night. There would be no reason for someone to be knocking on my door at this time of night, other than to put fear in me. At least that is how I feel. I got a good look at this person's face though. This could help in the future, hopefully.

As far as calling the police, well, this has really never been very effective for me in the past, especially last night. They don't take cases like this serious and always say they didn't see anyone suspicious around. As if that means anything, suspicious people don't all look and act the same. I doubt someone trying to scare someone is going to hang around too long or admit to being the culprit. The complex is also so poorly lit at night. The cops never get here in time either.



Sunshine009 said:


> Enter the "fake boyfriend" who is taller than him and stronger and looks tough that meets you at the laundry when he is "off-duty on his police job." lol. Which "you talk about the job in front of him". This is ideal to do I think without actually getting the police involved. but may be hard to set up. Perhaps you can ask around to find someone into bodybuilding and who can have a mean looking face if they try.


The thought has entered my mind, but I already have trouble talking to men, that it would be hard to find a fake BF (lol). I'm to the point of desperation, I'm almost willing to attempt this. I could use my gym membership that I've been wasting money on for a year and try to find someone, lol. The problem is I would have to get to know the person, because they could end up being crazy too.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

millenniumman75, 

Sorry my thread has been a trigger and please don't take offense to what I'm about to say. I just don't see why I can't express how I feel when it is a difficult and very real thing to not know how to deal with someone's unwanted attention, especially someone with social anxiety. I am posting on this forum because I have NO ONE else to talk to this about. I have virtually no support system and I just don't want to feel alone in this.

Again, I never accused this person of being a stalker to authority figures. All I said was that I *THINK* he *COULD* be a stalker. I never said he *WAS* a rapist. I said I'm afraid of being raped/attacked by someone when they get me alone and corner me in a room, and make sexually derived comments. This neighbor has done this to me TWICE. It is also suspicious that whenever someone else walks into the laundry room, he stops talking until they leave. There is also a clause in my rental agreement about how annoying and bothering another tenant is not allowed. He has been doing this to me since April, for as far as I know. He also ADMITTED he watches me walk to and from my car and I've caught him peering into my car. I only brought up the fact that he has a domestic violence charge against a woman because it shows what this guy is capable of. The fact that he yells and screams in his apartment frequently says a lot and MAY incidicate he may attack a woman if angry enough. 
Also, why is it OK for someone in their 60s to tell someone in their 20s, the way their behave is a "turn on"? What is the significance of telling someone they are pretty over and over and basically fawning over them when they don't even know the person? I'm sorry, but I think there is something very wrong with this.

I didn't even ask management to evict this guy, THEY brought it up. All I asked was for advice and for them to not tell him any personal info. about me.

Please understand when I'm talking about this neighbor, I'm not referring to you and no offense is meant. I don't know your full story and I'm sorry you were accused. It is a horrible thing to be accused of something you didn't do. I know first hand what it is like as well. I hope you fought against the allegations that were made against you and were successful. 

I hope you can understand and let the thread to continue to stay open because this is an issue that a lot of people, men and women, have difficulty dealing with. Plus, whenever a thread has triggered some bad memory in me, I always choose not to read the thread anymore. Thanks.

Anyway, I'm getting exhausted trying to defend myself and am sounding like a broken record.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Freak said:


> Hi I have read your posts and felt I must post - I am a man but have also been stalked.
> I think everything you have done is right - theres no rashioning with stalkers
> and you can't be sure the knocking on the door was anything to do with him.
> You dont need this **** but don't loose your strength, forget this wierdo for now and have a good Birthday


Thank you. I appreciate that. 

Thanks to everyone else for the support. You've all been great and very helpful!


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

teabagred said:


> Also, why is it OK for someone in their 60s to tell someone in their 20s, the way their behave is a "turn on"? What is the significance of telling someone they are pretty over and over and basically fawning over them when they don't even know the person? I'm sorry, but I think there is something very wrong with this.


Wouldn't his behavior be just as upsetting if he was in his 20's though?

If the thread is closed, you might want to sign up to some boards for victims of assault, etc., as a larger number of posters on those boards have gone through similar experiences.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I hope the situation gets resolved for you soon teabagred. I think you are doing well with the precautions you are taking.


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

teabag get the hell out of your apartment lol. 

seriously move in with family, friends or whatever, but judging by your reply #68 made TODAY dont stay there a night longer...


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## TaniaN (Jun 24, 2009)

I don't understand why this thread is in danger of being closed if she is just asking us for help/advice/etc. No one from this forum is being bashed or threatened here and I see it as unfair that she can't ask for help with something just because it causes a moderator distress because of his own personal experiences. Just my opinion, absolutely no disrespect intended.

teabagred, best of luck to you. Be safe, avoid contact with this person to the best of your ability. And move out as soon as you can. Life is too short to take unnecessary risks like that.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Honestly, you should just tell your landlord you want to break your lease because you no longer feel safe there. A reasonable landlord would let you. I've known many people who got to break leases for much less cause.


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> Honestly, you should just tell your landlord you want to break your lease because you no longer feel safe there. A reasonable landlord would let you. I've known many people who got to break leases for much less cause.


good advice


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> OMG - flashback. :afr
> 
> I think it is *harsh* that you have called him a rapist, a mugger, a stalker, a creep, and a violent person in this post. There is no concrete evidence of this. It is not fair to him. I don't think you'd like having stuff like that thought about you. If he were a stalker, he'd probably be in jail all the time - you wouldn't be the first.
> 
> ...


Kinda harsh to not want to talk to any girls after this when its the guy thats doing it don't you think?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

No-Sturm-und-Drang said:


> Kinda harsh to not want to talk to any girls after this when its the guy thats doing it don't you think?


If there is any indication that I would get a reaction like that, yeah, it's not harsh. Guys do have rights, too. We're aren't all creepy - a lot are misunderstood.

As for the thread being locked, there are no plans, but it's apparent that the thread has turned away from "Coping with Social Anxiety", which means it would not belong here.

I had two additional paragraphs to write out, trying to explain another point of view, but it's pointless at this juncture. I'll just say that I am not sure anything has been violatory on his side. A lot more investigation, and not assumption, needs to be done.


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## spanky (Apr 1, 2009)

Jeez that sucks. teabagred i totally sympathize with you and i can just imagine how creepy that guy is. I don't blame you for not wanting to be close friend with a guy that's 60 years old, even if he wasn't a creep.

If i were you i'd get the hell out of that neighborhood as soon as i could. Why don't you move back to you parents for a while if they aren't too bad?

I never had such a radical stalker situation as you, but i had some experience with it. I look VERY young, and when i was 18 some old and visibly disturbed old guy kept following me around at local pool. It wasn't for some random small talk, he was invasive just like your stalker, how usual creeps are. He kept coming to me EVERY day. My mom noticed that, and she came and told the guy to **** off. He followed us for a minute, and wawed at me, suggesting to come to him. His head was shaking and nodding in weird way, he was clearly disturbed. I suspect he was a pedophile. I didn't go to the pool for some time, and never saw him again.

And i can tell you that i'm a big guy, only looking young in the face, So even guys aren't immune to creeps. 

So again, my advice to you is to move out as soon as you can. Or get someone family member/friend to sleep in your apartment for a while.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'd do some research on him, find out his name and see if there's anything criminal in his history. He could just be a creepy but harmless guy, there are plenty of 50 year old men who hit on 20 something girls, who are completely harmless.

I agree with the mace, though. Buy a bottle and carry it with you. Better safe than sorry.


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## spanky (Apr 1, 2009)

I think mace is a bit radical. If she feels uncomfortable with a guy, she needs to make it straight with him. I can imagine how hard it would be to do it with SA, though. Or just ignore him, you would be surprised what just speechless attitude, and the way you hold yourself can do. If he keeps bugging you then you should talk with management again and see what they can do. 

But as you wrote in your post, that is already a very bad neighborhood. I'd move out if i could.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

When your lease is up, I think you need to move to a better neighborhood. I don't know what your financial situation is like. Somebody suggested a roommate. Maybe you can move back with your parents or a relative until you can afford something better.

Until then, bolt up the place like Fort Knox and carry pepper spray or a tazer. And report the creeps to the cops.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> He could just be a creepy but harmless guy, there are plenty of 50 year old men who hit on 20 something girls, who are completely harmless.


 Totally true. I suppose any 20 year old girl is going to think a 50 year old man who hits on her is creepy but I don't know any 50 year old men who don't look at 20 year old hotties. All men do. It's a cruel twist of fate that men should be so attracted to what they can't have.

I guess the difference and what makes it "creepy" in this context is that there really is no rule that says he can't (or isn't supposed to) look but he's kind of supposed to know better than to think she wants him. Why would he think that? Anyone who's being even slightly realistic figures 20 year old girls want nothing to do with old men. There might be a few young women who like older men but they're rare and they usually let them know. I'm only 35 and even I would feel like a creep flirting with a 20 year old. Not that I wouldn't want to. I probably just wouldn't do it.



> I agree with the mace, though. Buy a bottle and carry it with you. Better safe than sorry.


 I would only add that she might want to take a self defense class and make sure she knows how to use the pepper spray/mace. You can end up macing yourself if you don't know what you're doing. The whistle is totally a good idea too. I would have never thought of that. But I don't know. A whistle will draw attention but there may not be a lot of people who will assume it's an emergency if they hear it. A scream might work better.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

PickleNose said:


> Totally true. I suppose any 20 year old girl is going to think a 50 year old man who hits on her is creepy but I don't know any 50 year old men who don't look at 20 year old hotties. All men do. It's a cruel twist of fate that men should be so attracted to what they can't have.


Well, a girl I used to work with (who was about 19 or 20) was told by a customer in his 80s that she was really pretty. He did it in a non-creepy way, though, and I think he was just lonely. She was flattered and didn't take offense.

I think it really depends on the vibe you give off. A 20 year old man who says the same thing 'you're so pretty I shouldn't be talking to you,' and 'the way you act is a turn on' is probably going to get called creepy, too. Because their behavior IS creepy. A normal, mentally healthy guy flirting with a girl isn't going to say those things.



> I guess the difference and what makes it "creepy" in this context is that there really is no rule that says he can't (or isn't supposed to) look but he's kind of supposed to know better than to think she wants him. Why would he think that? Anyone who's being even slightly realistic figures 20 year old girls want nothing to do with old men. There might be a few young women who like older men but they're rare and they usually let them know. I'm only 35 and even I would feel like a creep flirting with a 20 year old. Not that I wouldn't want to. I probably just wouldn't do it.
> 
> I would only add that she might want to take a self defense class and make sure she knows how to use the pepper spray/mace. You can end up macing yourself if you don't know what you're doing. The whistle is totally a good idea too. I would have never thought of that. But I don't know. A whistle will draw attention but there may not be a lot of people who will assume it's an emergency if they hear it. A scream might work better.


Please read what I wrote above. She might not want to date 50 year old men, but that's not the only thing that's creepy about this guy. He was arrested for domestic violence, and is generally giving off a bad vibe. I'd be creeped out if I was her.

I think the best option is for her to stay with someone else for a while. Maybe her mom.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

there's nothing wrong with being creeped out by him. and carrying mace is a good idea in any case. if you feel better carrying it, go ahead and carry it. i probably will once i move out.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Well, a girl I used to work with (who was about 19 or 20) was told by a customer in his 80s that she was really pretty. He did it in a non-creepy way, though, and I think he was just lonely. She was flattered and didn't take offense.


 Well, yeah. That's kind of what I meant. I also don't think there's any firm rule that men in their 50s can't or shouldn't pay complements to young ladies on their looks but if it's anything more forward than a polite complement, it tends to get (or generate) a negative gut reaction more often than not.



> I think it really depends on the vibe you give off. A 20 year old man who says the same thing 'you're so pretty I shouldn't be talking to you,' and 'the way you act is a turn on' is probably going to get called creepy, too. Because their behavior IS creepy.


 I completely agree. I was just pointing out that the old man factor can't be discounted as a contributing factor to the overall creepiness of it. I grew up with a sister who was considered very attractive so I know how young girls tend to think of old men. Especially when they seem too flirtatious.



> Please read what I wrote above. She might not want to date 50 year old men, but that's not the only thing that's creepy about this guy. He was arrested for domestic violence, and is generally giving off a bad vibe. I'd be creeped out if I was her.


 I didn't know about the domestic violence thing. I haven't read the whole thread. I guess I missed it. I understand about the bad vibe. I never said I blamed her for feeling freaked out. I think you may have misread me or something or I'm misreading you. I was agreeing with you for the most part.



> I think the best option is for her to stay with someone else for a while. Maybe her mom.


 I don't know what she should do, honestly. When it comes to something like that, it's hard to know what to expect. The cops usually can't do anything but talk to the person unless they've actually broken a law. Hopefully, he's just weird and not obsessed or something.


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## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

michael1 said:


> good advice


+1


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## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> As for the thread being locked, there are no plans, but it's apparent that the thread has turned away from "Coping with Social Anxiety", which means it would not belong here.


How's that? A girl with social anxiety is faced with an extreme situation that causes her lots of stress. She's here to seek opinions and support through her time of need. It sounds like this is her only outlet right now, and you're going to close it because you have a different opinion? I hope you were just being sarcastic.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

If a 60 year old neighbor said those kinds of things to me I would avoid him at all costs (telling you he's been watching you, the really creepy comments about breathing the same air as you and not being worthy of shining your shoes...what the? It's obvious he's infatuated with you). I hope you have some male relatives or trustworthy friends of any sort who could show up at your place while the guy is there (preferably guys with some presence). Their presence might send him a clear signal that you're not someone he can take advantage of.

If not just be -really- careful not to be alone with this guy.


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## LateJuly (Apr 27, 2009)

Have you talked to management about ending your lease contract early? In some cases they can put out an ad for a sublease in which case they can end your lease. Either that or try and find someone who might be interested in taking over the place.

I think you should make it clear to them that you feel very threatened and that they need to work with you in order to get this issue resolved. They are liable if anything happens as long as you have brought the issue to their attention. Also feel free to lie to the police when you call 911 and exaggerate. If you hear him yelling and screaming at someone, tell them you fear for someones life and that this man has prior convictions with domestic violence.

I think if you can make this mans life very difficult anonymously he will be less preoccupied with you and more with his own situation.

Also i think it would be a good idea for you to get to know your neighbors if they seem like nice people. Let them know whats going on, if you can get more people to complain about him to management they will be more responsive.

other than that- depending on your financial situation/school, do what you have to. the world is a brutal place and people seem to live with wrongful notion that we are a civilized species.


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

lango said:


> Have you talked to management about ending your lease contract early? In some cases they can put out an ad for a sublease in which case they can end your lease. Either that or try and find someone who might be interested in taking over the place.


This is sound advice...and what I would recommend. If you don't feel safe and it is causing such a disruption in your life then you should remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. Your landlord sounds reasonable if they've already cooporated so far, it doesn't sound like they would be unreasonable. Consider moving to a safer area, maybe finding a roommate so you can afford a higher rent. Otherwise perhaps for the short-term consider moving back home or with a friend.



> *Also feel free to lie to the police when you call 911 and exaggerate.* If you hear him yelling and screaming at someone, tell them you fear for someones life and that this man has prior convictions with domestic violence.
> 
> *I think if you can make this mans life very difficult anonymously he will be less preoccupied with you and more with his own situation.
> *


I would strongly discourage lying to the police, only report of what is actually happening as they will question other people and pick up on any inconsistencies. Otherwise you could get in trouble for falsifying a report to police in which you can be fined or have something put on your record. And if something with this situation does develop and you try to contact the police they may not take you seriously. Those aren't even the worst case scenarios. I wouldn't bet on keeping anonymity too, you have no idea of knowing of how he will react. The worst case scenario is that if he is a violent person he might retaliate or the 'infatuation' might become heightened and you will be in worse danger. In your situation I would avoid making the matter more serious if it doesn't have to be.

Someone recommended a taser gun? I don't even think that is legal...there have been cases where people have been seriously injured or killed by tasers used by trained policemen. Anything that would be called 'excessive force' I would avoid unless you are okay with the potential that you yourself might face criminal charges. Even pepper spray is a bit of a grey area. Doing a women's self-defence course is a very good idea though.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

First of all it is not your fault that he is trying to approach you. As it has been suggested carry or talk to your phone all the time. 

I know you have SA, but don't you know someone in your apartment. Some people like female students or an old couple or a friendly housewife, just someone that you can meet. I don't think you should mention this guy particularly but at some point in your conversation you can say that sometimes you don't feel safe living alone as a young woman. So they might become more careful if they hear loud noises etc. but talking about this guy at this point might make things worse.

I would carry a spray btw, but I would only use it in case of an emergency not the next time I see him around his car. 

There is a free web page which shows the molesters etc in your neighborhood. You can check his name there and if you see his name you better get out of there asap. 

I would think that you would get more serious answers here unlike call the cops and exaggerate lol 

Take care, good luck and as I wrote before it is not your fault this guy is trying to approach you but looking tough as if you are not afraid of him might help as well.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

yeah I don't blame her for being creeped out, I would have being in a situation like that.


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## Weston (Sep 23, 2006)

Johnny_Genome said:


> Honestly, you should just tell your landlord you want to break your lease because you no longer feel safe there. A reasonable landlord would let you. I've known many people who got to break leases for much less cause.


I agree with this. I think you should politely go to building management and tell them that your attorney advised you to ask to terminate your lease early because of the incidents with the man and the person at your door. Being aware of potential liability if they don't act and something happens should help things along.

Also if the creep bothers you a nice fake cell call like "when do you get off duty" "what did the seargent say" " OK call me when you have time to talk" might be in order. This should help get the jerk to back off. In his mind a word from your "friend' will have him in in hot water.

Lastly, don't apologize to anyone here. You don't need any more stress than you have already. Being a male around 50 I can say this guy at the very least is a total pig. Using words like "turn on" makes it more than obvious what he's interested in. He probably also knows he's making you uncomfortable and doesn't care.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Weston said:


> I agree with this. I think you should politely go to building management and tell them that your attorney advised you to ask to terminate your lease early. Being aware of potential liability if they don't act and something happens should help things along.
> 
> Also if the creep bothers you a nice fake cell call like "when do you get off duty" "what did the seargent say" " OK call me when you have time to talk" might be in order. This should help get the jerk to back off. In his mind a word from your "friend' will have him in in hot water.
> 
> Lastly, don't apologize to anyone here. You don't need any more stress than you have already. Being a male around 50 I can say this guy at the very least is a total pig. Using words like "turn on" makes it more than obvious what he's interested in. He probably also knows he's making you uncomfortable and doesn't care.


(oops thought you were a guy, so I editing my post, I been breeving farm fair air tonight.)

You know there is a difference from

1 - being friendly small talk that is polite
2 - flirting that is meant not to make the person feel uncomfortable
3 - telling someone your attracted feelings after you have known them a while and there is some friendship there or you think there is, but some kind of relationship

4 - harrassment which is not any of those things above! It is aggressive. They talk outloud to themselves like you are not there.

Women that claim 1, 2, 3, is 4 have something against the man for some reason. What she is saying is number 4. She's not saying "he has harrassed me" but she described the facts and we put a label on it for her.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

The comments about breathing your air and him watching you when you come definitely put him in the obsessive stalker category.

A guy like probably needs to be told outright to leave you alone, otherwise he won't take the hint.

If he still bothers you after that point, then you can make it know to police/management that you've specifically told him to leave you alone and he's continuing to bother you.


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## Moon Fire (Oct 15, 2008)

The building sounds unsafe. You've got someone else now banging your door so late at night. You shouldn't have to live there anymore.


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## Weston (Sep 23, 2006)

Sunshine009 said:


> (oops thought you were a guy, so I editing my post, I been breeving farm fair air tonight.)
> 
> You know there is a difference from
> 
> ...


First off, I am a guy and I stated so. I'm not sure if I understand your point. I'm glad no drunk woman 40 years older than I am are doing #'s 2 or 3 with me. Maybe you wouldn't 
mind having someone like that waiting for you in parking lots and following you to isolated laundry rooms. I think most woman would. I can't think of a situation where a 60 year old man using language like "turned on" with a 23 year old is going to be welcome. I'm sure the loser is aware of that too.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Weston said:


> First off, I am a guy and I stated so. I'm not sure if I understand your point. I'm glad no drunk woman 40 years older than I am are doing #'s 2 or 3 with me. Maybe you wouldn't
> mind having someone like that waiting for you in parking lots and following you to isolated laundry rooms. *I think most woman would.* I can't think of a situation where a 60 year old man using language like "turned on" with a 23 year old is going to be welcome. I'm sure the loser is aware of that too.


Okay, I was really tired. I did a lot of driving and had gotten lost earlier. 3 1/2 hours total driving. So you are male, okay.

*You made a mistake yourself with the bolded. But I can tell it is a mistake. I agree completely with you on what you said on how its upsetting.*

If you had read my other posts in this thread, you'd know that I am against what he is doing. It is harrassment. I have said that a number of times. Of course I wouldn't want that happening to me. I would do any number of legal things.

What I was saying that is that in no way could it possibly be anything other than harrassment. The age factor is also another problem that goes without saying, yes.

Some people freak out when anyone talks to them at all who is the opposite sex. We can give them slack though if they are not having a harmful intent and we can tell them nicely we are not interested, and they will stop. But with this man, situation number 4, he is harrassing her. He is guilty of that. There is no other intents that seem to follow anything normal like in the situations 1, 2, 3. But if a person started with one of those, and yet then moved on to number 4, then they are guilty.

She has gotten a lot of good advice on this thread and I have said before I agree with all of it. Police and people who are into protective self-defense, *they teach always to be aware of your surroundings*. That comes before actual physical self defense. Experts say there is a crime triangle that forms. Which means it has three points or three sides. When you see any of these points, they are not in any order, start to show up, you want to get yourself into a safe area, before or when all three form. They are -

Opportunity - are you in an isolated area for example, etc.
Ability - are they stronger than you and near you too?
Intent - does the person make it known that they are aggressive, do they look aggressive, are they asking you for something, are they pestering you?

This is called the Crime Triangle or something. And this triangle has formed. Experts would say its time to take action. Do her laundry somewhere else, park in a different spot, live somewhere else, tell the building management, do a background check, call the police to patrol the area, tell others to get help.

It she was doubting at all that maybe he was just being friendly or it was innocent flirting or something, it isn't. I wrote down that those things happen and how they happen, with 1, 2, 3, but this is not the case here. This kind of talk is in a different category.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

*AOI (Short-hand version)*
What follows is a parallel system to the Five Stages of Violent Crime. AOI







stands for Ability, Opportunity and Intent. Although not as complete as the Five Stages, it will give you a quick-rule-of-thumb set of standards to determine whether or not you are in danger. While the Five Stages is more complete, for people who are not particularly interested in self-defense, AOI is a nice set of fast and easy guidelines. We present both models for you to select which works best for you.
There is a concept called the triangle among firefighters. Along each side is an element that a fire needs in order to burn. If you take away one of these elements, the triangle collapses and the fire goes out. Crime is the same: In order for it to occur, there must be three basic elements
This is easily remembered as A.O.I. (Ability, Opportunity and Intent). Take away any one of these elements and the triangle collapses. In other words, the crime does not have what it needs to occur.
*Ability: *Does the person have the ability to attack you? Could this person successfully assault you, whether through physical prowess, a weapon or numerical superiority? Many women underestimate male upper-body strength and how vulnerable they are to being physically overwhelmed.
*Opportunity:* Does this person have the opportunity to attack you? Are you alone with him or even in an area beyond immediate help? Could anyone come to your assistance within twenty seconds or less? As many victims have found, you can be robbed in plain view or raped with people in the next room.
*Intent:* Is he in a mental place where using violence to get what he wants makes sense to him?
Of the three, intent is the most nebulous, yet it is vital for determining who is a threat. It is the literally the difference between going off with someone to talk and being raped. Skip over to Intent page and to the profile of a rapist. Acquainting yourself with the criminal mindset is also highly recommended.
The fastest way to figure out if you are in potential danger is to look for these three elements. If you see one, look for the others. If you see two out of three stop whatever else you are doing and pay close attention for a moment. If you see him trying to develop the third, withdraw from the situation to a safer area. This is easier than using physical violence. As you will soon see, opportunity often means staying in an area where someone could effectively use physical violence against you. If you do not see these elements then odds are you are safe. There is no triangle.

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/five_stages.html

This is about selfdefense.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

*The Five Stages of Violent Crime* is an *internationally recognized system* to identify if -- and determine when and if -- you are being set up for a crime or violence. The information contained on this page is from DVD/video, _Street Safe: How to Recognize and Avoid Violent Crime. _It is used by police, military and firearms instructors around the world as a training and teaching tool. Also the system is taught internationally in self defense and crime prevention courses(1).
While we strongly advocate awareness and avoidance as a primary means for personal safety sometimes that isn't enough. The Five Stages of Violent Crime has been tested in court as an easily explainable standard by which individuals determined if they were legally justified to use self defense tactics. Remember, when it comes to violence there are usually legal repercussions. Therefore we strongly advocate you know when you are justified to use force. 
*The Five Stages of Violent Crime: *
Crime and violence are processes that take _time _to develop. The attack is _*not*_ the first step, the preliminary triangle must be built. There are five distinct stages that are easily identified:
1) Intent 
2) Interview 
3) Positioning
4) Attack 
5) Reaction
During the first three stages, you can prevent an attack without the use of violence. These are where the criminal (or violent person) decides _whether or not_ he can get away with it. He may want to (Intent), but if he doesn't have the opportunity (Positioning) he cannot succeed. The Interview is his way to double check if you are safe for him to attack. _If these conditions are not met, he will not attack!_
What we are about to say is _*not*_ hyperbole. _Selecting a safe victim is a matter of life or death for the criminal_. If he picks the wrong target, he's the one who is going to die. Therefore, he's going to make sure he can successfully use violence against you (Interview and Positioning) before he commits himself to act. Once he is sure of his ability to succeed -- and has put you in a position where he can quickly overwhelm you -- _he will attack_.
Below is a shorthand version of the five stages. Each is linked to a more in-depth look at the subject:
*Intent*
By intent, we don't mean that you are a psychic. You cannot read someone's mind. Although the word 'intent' has often been replaced in court with Jeopardy (acting in a way that is consistent with known pre-attack behaviors) we still use the term 'intent' for a simple reason. With this system, intent is _not_ what is going on inside of the person's head.
It's the _visible_ and discernable physiological manifestations that, a person _ready to commit violence,_ _*will *_display. This isn't you being psychic. This is his body displaying these signs, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.
This is where the person crosses a normal mental boundary. From this point, the person is mentally and physically prepared to commit violence in order to get what he wants - whatever that may be. Being able to recognize when intent is present is one of the key components of your personal safety. yet, this isn't always easy as you might think. The criminal has often learned how to mask it behind words and feigned innocence. But once you know how to spot the physiological signs, it is easily recognizable. Learn more about intent.
*Interview* 
With _all_ violence, the assailant's safety is a critical factor in deciding whether or not to attack. While in interpersonal violence, the deciding factor may be anger, strong emotion or pride. However, with criminal violence it is more of a conscious decision. This leads us to the interview, where the criminal decides upon your suitability as a victim. There are several kinds of interviews common to criminal attacks
*Positioning *
This is the criminal putting himself in a place where he can successfully attack you. A criminal (or even a violent person) doesn't want to fight you; he wants to overwhelm you. To do this, he has to put himself in a position where he can do it quickly and effectively. An attempt to develop positioning is the final proof of ill intent. Someone trying to position himself to attack removes all doubt that the situation is innocent. Like the Interview, there are several kinds of Positioning.
*Attack*
The attack is the when the criminal/violent person commits himself to using force -- or the threat of force -- to get what he wants. Like the other stages there are important distinctions to be made about the kind of attack you will face.
*Reaction*
Reaction is how the criminal feels about what he has done. However, this is made more complicated by the fact that your reaction is an important contributing factor


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

2) Interview - when you click on the link

_A danger foreseen is half avoided_
*Interview*​*Interview* 
This is where the criminal decides if you are safe to attack.
Yes, with all violence, the assailant's safety is a critical factor in deciding whether or not to attack. If a criminal was truly mentally ill, he would feel compelled to act, even if there was no chance whatsoever of success. If someone is so emotionally outraged that he were truly "out of control" he would not hesitate to physically assault ten Hells Angels. The fact that he doesn't indicates that there is still a part of them that is calculating risk to themselves.
"Can I get away with it?" is a major motivation for what people decide to do -- or not do. Hence, the interview.
This is one interview you want to fail. If you fail, the assailant decides that he cannot successfully, or easily, attack you. Then if he is a criminal, he will proceed to seek easier prey. In the case of an emotionally upset individual, he will change tactics. For example instead of physically assaulting you he will proceed to stand back and proceed to verbally abuse you. This allows him to 'win' without putting himself at physical risk.
*There are five basic types of interviews*. The one a criminal uses depends more on his personal style than anything else.
_*Regular*_ - This is the most common form of interview for muggers. The criminal will approach you under the guise of normalcy, i.e., needing information or small item (e.g. matches). This is a distraction. While he is talking, he is not only getting in position to attack, but a) checking your awareness about what he is doing and b) your commitment to defending yourself.
This is why you should always be careful when someone approaches you in a fringe area and asks for something. Your answer should always be "no" and insist on him keeping his distance. Both muggers and stranger rapists often use this technique.
_*Hot*_ - Hot interviews are sudden and unexpected emotional blitzkriegs against you. They just "pop out of nowhere." You are minding your own business one minute, and the next you have a threatening, obscenity-spouting, screaming person charging down on you. The success of this strategy relies on you not being accustomed to dealing with extreme emotional violence and reacting in a stunned and confused manner. You must be willing to immediately shift into an extreme of physical violence to fail such interviews. Paradoxically, if you can immediately display this commitment, the attacker will often abort.
_*Escalating*_ - Unlike a hot interview, which starts out immediately hostile, an escalating interview starts out normally but it rapidly turns hostile. The person or people test(s) your boundaries by escalating outrageous behavior. Every time he is not slapped down (i.e., he is successful), his behavior becomes more and more extreme until finally he attacks. This is very common interview for date rapists. It is also common when you walk into the middle of a group of loitering young thugs, what "supposedly" starts out with them "jes messin' witcha" escalates into a robbery or assault. Sometimes both.
_*Silent*_ - A silent interview is when a criminal puts himself in a position to observe you. He may never speak until the attack, but he has been watching all along. He may position himself out of sight in a parking structure and follow you. Or he may make his presence known and decide to attack if you show fear of his presence
*Prolonged *- An interview can take anywhere from mere moments (hot) to weeks (prolonged). Prolonged interviews are often combined with other types Being stalked is prolonged escalation. A serial rapist can silently watch a victim for days. Whereas a bunko scam would be prolonged regular interview while the con artist attempts to win your trust. With prolonged interviews, the intent is seldom obvious from the beginning, therefore having the first four levels of the Pyramid of Personal Safety in place becomes of critical importance.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Sunshine009 said:


> *AOI (Short-hand version)*
> What follows is a parallel system to the Five Stages of Violent Crime. AOI
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting this information! A-O-I

As teabagred described, the situation with this guy formed the triangle already!

Teabagred, I hope you trust your own insticts and can break your lease and move out. ASAP.

When I was in my early 20s I ignored my instincts about a fairly new boyfriend because I thought I was being unfair because I didn't have "hard proof" of him being abusive. The situation was different than yours, but the instincts you mention are exactly the same. Don't igmore you instincts! I waited until I had "proof" (he did end up attacking me) and boy do I regret not listening to myself in the first place!!!

Earlier someone said "Innocent until proven guilty." That's fine for the courts, but this is your life you are talking about, and there is no law that says you have to have proof beyond a reasonable doubt before calling a guy a creep!!! I don't care if this person is totally harmless, you feel unsafe and should do something to protect yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks (altho most on here agree with you that this guy is creepy to say the least!) You don't have to defend yourself & your feelings to anyone.

I'm older and if someone my own age said similar things to me, I'd be tempted to say WTF is wrong with you? and wrinkle up my face with disgust.

Do you have a camera? While reading about the knocking in the middle of the night I thought of the idea of taking a picture of that guy thru the peephole.

I can't believe the cops said they didn't see anyone suspicious. You should've asked them "What exactly does a suspicious person look like?"

I feel bad that this is happening and I hope you can find some girls or a guy to "be seen" with so he'll back off until you can move. You did say he stopped talking to you when others came into the room, so he'd likely be intimidated when you are with someone.

Also, be careful to not give him the Opportunity in the above triangle thing that Sunshine mentioned. You can't change his intent, but you can avoid being in a position where he has the opportunity. And by carrying pepperspray, you can damage his ability if you had to.


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## Pelicanbay (Jun 30, 2009)

all i can say is get an ipod and some headphones, or even just some headphones...ignore him and look like your busy when you see him, that may help...with your headphones on, you can say something like "sorry i got to go"..keep doing that over and over...maybe that'll help


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## Pelicanbay (Jun 30, 2009)

i just read the comment about someone knocking on your door late at night, you sure it wasnt him? it probably was.

yeah you need to get the hell out of there, like someone else said, tell your landlord to break your lease because you no longer feel safe there.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

Pelicanbay said:


> all i can say is get an ipod and some headphones, or even just some headphones...ignore him and look like your busy when you see him, that may help...with your headphones on, you can say something like "sorry i got to go"..keep doing that over and over...maybe that'll help


Not being aware or seeming as if you are not aware of the voices around you may not be a good idea.

I don't know pretending that you can't hear outside voices might cause him to think that it is an opportunity. I think talking on the phone might work better.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Sunshine009 - I know this is a serious topic and you may not realize it but that DVD cover you posted up there is cracking me up. :haha :haha


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

PickleNose said:


> Sunshine009 - I know this is a serious topic and you may not realize it but that DVD cover you posted up there is cracking me up. :haha :haha


I like how it appears that the criminal is attacking his timid, law-abiding doppelganger. Plus, he's slick enough to hold a cigarette while threatening people with a gun.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

VCL XI said:


> I like how it appears that the criminal is attacking his timid, law-abiding doppelganger. Plus, he's slick enough to hold a cigarette while threatening people with a gun.


 Are you sure the criminal is a he?


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

Good point; could be a pistol-packin' mama.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

OMG you mean this post is now 6 pages long?! If you're telling me by now you STILL haven't figured out how to take care of this situation then you REALLY got problems.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Conquistador said:


> OMG you mean this post is now 6 pages long?! If you're telling me by now you STILL haven't figured out how to take care of this situation then you REALLY got problems.


What does others responses have to do with whether she has resolved it or not. She does not control other people, me or you from posting.

It's not easy to resolve. She's done a bunch of good things already and t*here is a number of good information on that site. It says Apartment Laundry Rooms are a vulernable area under the link of Positioning or Rape.It seems like an** important thing is not to be caught alone with him in the laundry room and do laundry elsewhere. And to look occupied on the phone but Actually Very Aware and Ready To say something Assertive and Firmly and if need be over and over again when walking to and from her apartment to and from her car*. I'm glad this thread got this long. A bunch of people responded really well. And we got to see different perspectives.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

PickleNose said:


> Sunshine009 - I know this is a serious topic and you may not realize it but that DVD cover you posted up there is cracking me up. :haha :haha


I think the bandana touch is funny.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Is it just me or does the guy with the glasses look like Dick Cheney?


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Its not clear what's happening in that picture. I can't tell who's supposed to be the good guy and who's the bad guy. The guy in the pink shirt totally looks like a sexual deviant of some sort. I don't know what's up with the guy in the blue bandanna. When did the crips start accepting middle-aged white guys?


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Mr. Frostie said:


> The guy in the pink shirt totally looks like a sexual deviant of some sort.


 What are you trying to say about Dick Cheney?


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

vicente said:


> Not every guy who makes conversation with you is a creep, you probably didn't read the warning signs right that time. I'd hate to be a guy with SA who tried to show interest in you only to be treated like a creepy old guy coming out of an alley.


"You probably didn't read the warning signs right that time." Seriously????????????
I'm sorry, but I wasn't (and women aren't) born with a magic creep radar that can immediately tell a creep from a non-creep, unless you just want me to go by their clothes and looks (something you've complained about numerous times on this forum, Vincente). Instead of blaming women for not being mind-readers, why don't you blame the 0.001% of creepy males who ruin it for the other normal 99.999%?


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## UKPhobe (Oct 22, 2008)

VCL XI said:


> I like how it appears that the criminal is attacking his timid, law-abiding doppelganger. Plus, he's slick enough to hold a cigarette while threatening people with a gun.


Asking for a light is a known disarming tactic.


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## UKPhobe (Oct 22, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> If there is any indication that I would get a reaction like that, yeah, it's not harsh. Guys do have rights, too. We're aren't all creepy - a lot are misunderstood.
> 
> As for the thread being locked, there are no plans, but it's apparent that the thread has turned away from "Coping with Social Anxiety", which means it would not belong here.
> 
> I had two additional paragraphs to write out, trying to explain another point of view, but it's pointless at this juncture. I'll just say that I am not sure anything has been violatory on his side. A lot more investigation, and not assumption, needs to be done.


Well normally i'd agree with you, plenty of SA suffering males get labelled as creepy or weird due to their lack of social experience. In this case i'd say she has every right to be concerned concidering the comments he actually came out with and the method by which he approached her, regardless of what his intent actually was.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Conquistador said:


> OMG you mean this post is now 6 pages long?! If you're telling me by now you STILL haven't figured out how to take care of this situation then you REALLY got problems.


A man with a history of domestic violence is acting inappropriately toward the poster, building management has already considered evicting him and has advised her to talk to the police, and SHE has the problem?????????? This is a really difficult situation- how about some support?


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## TaniaN (Jun 24, 2009)

jane said:


> A man with a history of domestic violence is acting inappropriately toward the poster, building management has already considered evicting him and has advised her to talk to the police, and SHE has the problem?????????? This is a really difficult situation- how about some support?


This is a pattern I've noticed with this poster...


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

UKPhobe said:


> Well normally i'd agree with you, plenty of SA suffering males get labelled as creepy or weird due to their lack of social experience. In this case i'd say she has every right to be concerned concidering the comments he actually came out with and the method by which he approached her, regardless of what his intent actually was.


 This is kind of a problem with this story on this forum. A lot of us males here can relate to feeling and acting extremely awkward around women. Whatever the symptoms of our SA are normally, they tend to be amplified exponentially around attractive women. If you combine that with someone who doesn't communicate very well, says inappropriate things and looks like a creep, it seems like a logical conclusion that any one of us could almost be the old guy in the OP.

I know for my part, I've said things to women in the past that came out really creepy and bizarre and I realized it later and thought "My god! What must she have thought of me?". It is apparent the man in the original post either had no idea the effect he was having on her or he didn't care. I don't know which. I think he probably is very deeply disturbed and she's right to be afraid of him. But I also agree we should be careful about tossing the creepy label around too casually because many of us here could very, very easily be seen that way by "normal people".


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## radames (Jul 6, 2009)

teabagred said:


> I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.
> 
> i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.
> 
> ...


Get a big, scary-looking guard dog. Enough said.


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## UKPhobe (Oct 22, 2008)

PickleNose said:


> This is kind of a problem with this story on this forum. A lot of us males here can relate to feeling and acting extremely awkward around women. Whatever the symptoms of our SA are normally, they tend to be amplified exponentially around attractive women. If you combine that with someone who doesn't communicate very well, says inappropriate things and looks like a creep, it seems like a logical conclusion that any one of us could almost be the old guy in the OP.
> 
> I know for my part, I've said things to women in the past that came out really creepy and bizarre and I realized it later and thought "My god! What must she have thought of me?". It is apparent the man in the original post either had no idea the effect he was having on her or he didn't care. I don't know which. I think he probably is very deeply disturbed and she's right to be afraid of him. But I also agree we should be careful about tossing the creepy label around too casually because many of us here could very, very easily be seen that way by "normal people".


Unfortunately it's almost normal for creepy labels to be thrown around when it comes to social inexperienced guys (girls also to an extent), I've always thought it comes down to the prejudices that we are subjected to as children, the watch out for the quiet one way of thinking. I've said some very odd things to women in the past that caused a bad reaction, even though my intent was decent, but I suppose in many respects you can't blame people for that. Fear breeds.


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## socially inept (Mar 6, 2009)

UKPhobe said:


> Unfortunately it's almost normal for creepy labels to be thrown around when it comes to social inexperienced guys (girls also to an extent), I've always thought it comes down to the prejudices that we are subjected to as children, the watch out for the quiet one way of thinking. I've said some very odd things to women in the past that caused a bad reaction, even though my intent was decent, but I suppose in many respects you can't blame people for that. Fear breeds.


picklenose , imnot being funny but constantly saying things to a girl over and over about how pretty she is and saying '' i cant beleive im breathing the same air as you'' is not coming off as a creap cos you are anxious.

its coming off as a creep cos you are constantly brining the conversation towards the subject of the girls physical appearance ..

this guy is a creep


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## Moon Fire (Oct 15, 2008)

I hope that the OP gets stuff sorted. That neighbour is weird.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

First of all what I will write is not about teabagred's sitiuation but how being creppy depends on many factors. I am writing this to calm the other male members who are afraid that women find them creepy because they are shy etc.

I think besides the weird stuff he has been telling her , age difference is a big factor what makes this guy creepy.

On the other hand if you have been to Manhattan, Miami or LA you know that not every 50 year old guy hitting on younger women is considered creepy. 

Another thing is how handsome the person is, I mean Johnny Depp is 46 already or Clooney, but age difference is still a problem in any case. I saw some of the celebrities coming here in springbreaks hanging out with college girls and it is really weird. 

Don't worry guys if the girl likes you no matter what you say she may find it cute, but it would not be a bad idea if you don't say stuff like breathing the same air with you etc. to a girl you barely know or don't know.

Many things that are actually absurd or weird become "cute" if the girl likes you. But if she is not attracted even a normal hi may become creepy for her.

The same is true for me, I become homophobic when an old gay guy or someone like Bruno talks to me, but I have no problems with gay people generally.

What I wrote was not related to teabagred's sitiutation directly. I just wanted to express my opinion about being creepy. 

I think that neighbor of her is scary and creepy, this is why I made my suggestions in my previous posts.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

OP - the things this guy said to you indicate a major obsession with you (not just a little one, a significant one). Take into consideration the history of violence AND the fact he's not afraid to approach you and come into your personal space...

Do what you need to do to move out of there and in the meantime, carry something around with you for protection (cell phone, mace, pocketknife, tasergun, whatever). Let people close to you know what's going on (and do laundry elsewhere, like a relative's place). And maybe a call to the police wouldn't be a bad idea. They wouldn't act on it now, but they would at least have a record of your complaint should anything happen in the future.


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

While only a couple of people have defended this guy because they can relate to him, I just thought I'd add that I can understand this fear some men may have of being labelled creepy, but this specific situation doesn't really sound to me like something a socially anxious man could relate to. I find it hard to believe that anxiety or social awkwardness would drive you to act like this man - commenting on her looks so much in an inappropriate manner and pressuring her to answer questions she's already said she doesn't want to answer. I would think at the slightest hint of disinterest a socially anxious person would flee, so if a girl said she didn't even want to tell you her name why would you continue to badger her?


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

socially inept said:


> picklenose , imnot being funny but constantly saying things to a girl over and over about how pretty she is and saying '' i cant beleive im breathing the same air as you'' is not coming off as a creap cos you are anxious.
> 
> its coming off as a creep cos you are constantly brining the conversation towards the subject of the girls physical appearance ..
> 
> this guy is a creep


 First of all, you quoted someone else and then responded to me.

Next, I acknowledged that. I agree that the guy is probably off his rocker and maybe even dangerous. I was just pointing out that some of us here might appear the same way because we are extremely awkward, act weird and can't express ourselves well. IOW, I was pointing out that some guys here might be a little upset by it because they might feel like girls think of them the same way if they've said things like this man said.

I don't understand why you think I said anything else?


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

proximo20 said:


> I think besides the weird stuff he has been telling her , age difference is a big factor what makes this guy creepy.
> 
> On the other hand if you have been to Manhattan, Miami or LA you know that not every 50 year old guy hitting on younger women is considered creepy.


 I was going to point that out too. It might be creepy but it isn't abnormal for a 50 year old man to think a 20 year old hottiie is hot. He's old, not dead or blind. Naturally, if the guy expresses it to the girl (especially the way this guy did) it's probably going to give her the creeps. But it's certainly not at all unusual for an old man to like young women. It's normal.



whiterabbit said:


> While only a couple of people have defended this guy because they can relate to him,


 Good heavens what does it take? I wasn't defending him! I was simply saying that a person with our problems could appear that way under the right (wrong, for us) circumstances. Not that he was in any way innocent or should have said the things he said.

Also, I simply stated that I've said things to women that I realized later made me sound creepy and I totally didn't realize it when I said it. I was just trying to be normal and express myself the way normal men do but it came out wrong. It had the right idea behind it but I expressed it in a way that sounded really, really odd and I could visually see the women cringe and the terror in their eyes as I said it.



> I just thought I'd add that I can understand this fear some men may have of being labelled creepy, but this specific situation doesn't really sound to me like something a socially anxious man could relate to. I find it hard to believe that anxiety or social awkwardness would drive you to act like this man -


 Well, making sexual passes at a woman in random places is a no no in any language. I completely agree that's inappropriate.

To be frank, you're female. You can't really understand how a male feels about these things until you've been a male for a couple of decades. The guy is always expected to be the one who sticks his neck out for acceptance or rejection. And it is by no means certain that rejection will be gentle. I've had rejections that literally left scars that never healed. I don't know what went wrong. I don't know if I said something wrong or if the women were just really cruel. But I was left with the impression that the only thing I did wrong was dared to ask while being me.



> commenting on her looks so much in an inappropriate manner and pressuring her to answer questions she's already said she doesn't want to answer. I would think at the slightest hint of disinterest a socially anxious person would flee, so if a girl said she didn't even want to tell you her name why would you continue to badger her?


 I agree. And again, I didn't really say anything different. I was hoping people would see what I meant. I just wanted to say that every situation is different and was hoping that women don't get the idea that every man who says something that sounds a little messed up is a creep. This is something men and women don't discuss honestly and openly very often and I thought I'd just enter my thoughts in while there's a chance. I have a feeling a lot of men here feel like creeps when they try to talk to women. That's all I'm saying.

Perhaps we should start another thread for a discussion that's more geared towards men with SA coming off as creepy.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Okay, treatment like that is NOT acceptable. the guy IS creepy, he IS potentially dangerous. My friend has attracted a lot of these guys over the years (though now that she's getting older.. 19/20, she has a boyfriend, and is more assertive, the number of creepy stalker guys has decreased). The main problem with her is that 1. she's pretty, 2. she's very quiet and sweet toward these guys, acts very young, innocent, and even flirtatious.. bats her eyes. but also shares a lot about herself. 3. she's TOO NICE! and has a hard time saying no. She does start sending them signals to back off once she gets too uncomfortable.. you know, she's "busy" "has to eat with ___" etc., but these guys CLING. The things he said to you are like direct quotes from what she's told me, lol, including the "walk like you know what you're doing" thing. None of these guys have done anything to harm her, but it's definitely worth being cautious about... if your intuition tells you he's creepy, he's creepy.

I agree with the cellphone and mace.

Also, is it possible for you to have a guy... or anyone, come over? If it's awkward to invite someone over, you could tell them about this, hence.. a reason to come over. Just so the guy will think you have... people who would notice if something happened to you. You could also do the fake convo thing on the phone (kinda awkward), and if possible, get to know other people who live around you, so that you can say hi to other people around him... Not so easy to do.. but I personally can sometimes take leaps like that under circumstances like this.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Sunshine009 said:


> I remember you saying before about your astro signs (I remember most peoples most of the time lol) that you had a scorpio moon. Did you know that I read that a scorpio sun, moon or ascendant will cause the eyes to get big and watery like with a lot of intense and piercing emotion? I only have scorpio in jupiter myself but I read about all signs. I remember you saying a few times that you seem to stare, well its just how you are built physically! Scorpio characteristics usually get others attention and people talk about them. People with the sun in scorpio have a wider range of physical characteristics besides just the eyes, they often have thick hair that is hard to control that people talk about, they can gain weight fast and people talk about that, women can have large breasts that people talk about, women can have a naturally muscular build that people talk about also or say how they think they can't get a man for that - which is so rude. The eyes can look curious and people can misinterpet that. I have seen it with scorpio women friends and it really upsets me. With you, its just the eyes perhaps like what I read. Whenever I see someone with eyes like that, I always think they have a strong scorpio in one of those 3 placements.


Lmao, this definitely describes my friend that I just wrote about in my previous comment. Her sun sign is Scorpio


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

PickleNose I wasn't talking about you. I didn't want to name names but I was actually referring to mm75 and Conquistador.

I understood you perfectly well. You expressed a concern that sometimes men are misunderstood and labelled creeps when they're not, but you didn't defend this man at all and said what he did was inappropriate. All I was saying was that I understand that men can quite easily be labelled creepy when they're not, but this specific situation didn't look to me like something the ones who did defend him should be able to relate to because they wouldn't actually do exactly what he did. 

For what it's worth (probably not much), I don't think that every man who says something a bit strange is messed up. I've come across a few men, young and old, who have randomly struck up conversation with me and have been slightly odd, socially awkward, over-eager, and over-complimentary, and I haven't labelled them all as creeps or potential rapists. I can see sometimes that they're just lonely and probably have been alone for quite a while, or that they're just a bit weird and never learnt how to interact 'normally'. Every now and again I come across someone who gives off a bad vibe and I just want to get the **** away from them, but this would usually involve something very explicitly abnormal that they've said that can't really be excused. It's difficult because every human being in the world makes me a little bit uncomfortable, whether they're at top end of the normal scale or not, so I'm not going to be hugely friendly towards anyone, but inside I'm not automatically judging every guy who comes across as a bit strange.


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## Randleplexed (Jul 21, 2009)

The best thing she could do is get out of there ASAP. Situations like this are very real and very dangerous and when they are not treated properly, they get very ugly. It is only a matter of time before something happens and she really needs to get out of there fast. 

I really do fear for the OP's safety and I don't mean to scare her, but she really needs to take action soon. Everything about this guy adds up to trouble.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

whiterabbit said:


> PickleNose I wasn't talking about you. I didn't want to name names but I was actually referring to mm75 and Conquistador.


 OK. Sorry. I thought you were referring to my post.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Pam said:


> Thanks for posting this information! A-O-I
> 
> As teabagred described, the situation with this guy formed the triangle already!
> 
> ...


I agree completely with the coral.
The above in green is clear thinking. I like how you worded that. It's a matter of influencing those two triangle legs of ability and opportunity. It's that simple. It's good to have a sense of what to prioritize. In an ongoing case however, a short term and long term plan is good. Such as contacting others, the police, and moving, etc. or whenever it is an overt problem such as from the beginning. There isn't anything simple about a problem like that though. I hate this world sometimes.

I think that most poeple will snap and call the police when they know they are in danger or can't take it anymore which is good. The police can mediate too to stop a potentially vilolent situation. That site advises people not to handle things by themselves. They say that the more civilized, professional a person is, the more they rationalize things and may downplay events happening and think they can handle it themselves, and the criminal knows that. There's a natural pride in some where they don't think it will happen to them. To someone who lives in a good area, they are not used to crime and they make rationalize that its not dangerous when obviously signals are. I read parts of that site years ago but reading it again and more thoroughly it is interesting and I changed some things in my thinking.

*With the purple, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I know what it is like because I also downplayed signals and was attacked as well. In a close relationship of dating, you need to be comfortable and accept nothing less ever I learned.*


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

to MM75's posts - i often think it's unfair that a lot of guy's are labeled as creepy when there is not any evidence. and when i hear other females i know call a guy creepy i try to look at the situation objectively/logically and actually see if he has done anything that deserves that label. and i do defend guys at times when i feel they are labeled as such and its unwarranted, so i think more than other girl's i am cautious of that.

but this neighbour of the OP's is CLEARLY crossing the limits of "normal" potentially creepy behavior. many clear hints she has posted support the possibility of him being a danger.

when you are in a situation where you could be harmed, you should listen to your natural instincts, and DON'T just think "_innocent until proven guilty_". 
can you imagine if us females were taught to think "innocent until proven guilty" instead of "get the **** away as soon as possible" if we think we could be assaulted? come on, now. when i'm walking home at 3am and i pass guys, i know very well that many, if not most, can be perfectly safe and if it was a crowded public place in the day time i wouldn't think twice. but i'm not taking any risks when it's dark, i'm alone, and i have no way of QUICKLY getting help from others. that likelihood that they are not _all _creeps still won't stop me from assuming the worse if i feel as if something bad could happen. i instinctively will do something as minor as immediately crossing the road whenever i have to walk near a man who is clearly staring at me. hey he could be completely harmless and maybe he's just fascinated with the parked bicycle near me but i don't take chances, and neither should anyone in a situation like the OP's.

anyway to the OP, that definitely worries me just reading about your situation. others have already given the advice but i'd go to your landlord as soon as possible to tell them you feel unsafe.. if there is a security service, tell them you are concerned about that particular tenant and your overall safety. always carry a cell with you, try to be accompaniened as much as you can, maybe learn any self-defense techniques...

do you know anyone else in the building? anyone near by, any other women? ask if they know much about him, if they've ever had encounters with him or if they think his behaviour has been similar towards them. ask if you can go to the laundry at the same time as them, or with any other neighbours.

hope you stay safe.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Randleplexed said:


> The best thing she could do is get out of there ASAP. Situations like this are very real and very dangerous and when they are not treated properly, they get very ugly. It is only a matter of time before something happens and she really needs to get out of there fast.
> 
> I really do fear for the OP's safety and I don't mean to scare her, but she really needs to take action soon. Everything about this guy adds up to trouble.


Yes. The fact she lives a in a bad area with drug dealers is a different kind of world than a good neighborhood.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Pelicanbay said:


> all i can say is get an ipod and some headphones, or even just some headphones...ignore him and look like your busy when you see him, that may help...with your headphones on, you can say something like "sorry i got to go"..keep doing that over and over...maybe that'll help


nooo don't do this. in these settings always be 100% of your surroundings. even just walking in the hallways of you building, if you were listening to music you may not hear someone walking behind you.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> to MM75's posts - i often think it's unfair that a lot of guy's are labeled as creepy when there is not any evidence. and when i hear other females i know call a guy creepy i try to look at the situation objectively/logically and actually see if he has done anything that deserves that label. and i do defend guys at times when i feel they are labeled as such and its unwarranted, so i think more than other girl's i am cautious of that.
> 
> but this neighbour of the OP's is CLEARLY crossing the limits of "normal" potentially creepy behavior. many clear hints she has posted support the possibility of him being a danger.
> 
> ...


I agree.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

jane said:


> A man with a history of domestic violence is acting inappropriately toward the poster, building management has already considered evicting him and has advised her to talk to the police, and SHE has the problem?????????? This is a really difficult situation- how about some support?


How about the fact that she's now gotten 8 pages of it? I think she's well covered by now, unless she just digs the attention.


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

I feel really bad for the OP... not just because of her creep neighbor but because she feels she has to defend or explain her actions to people on this forum.


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## jjyiss (May 6, 2006)

teabagred said:


> Thank you. I appreciate that.
> 
> Thanks to everyone else for the support. You've all been great and very helpful!


so i take it the old guy got evicted?? whats the news young one. i could play your pretend BF.. lolzz..


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

*thanks a lot Sunshine009 for all that information. *
i used to be so so careless in the past when it came to my safety. i'd walk through parks to get home at night cause i'd think _"well, if i go through the main roads it will take more than 15 minutes.. but if i just speed walk through the park it will take about 5 minutes..."_; as a result of either my passiveness/awkwardness i wouldn't get away when a guy(s) would talk to me and he/they would be past my (anyone's) comfort zone; i'd walk through the streets in the dark still wearing my headphones; if i wanted to smoke weed on the way home i'd go behind some hidden walls by apartment buildings near my house roll), etc etc.

considering these were my regular habits i am _really _thankful i've never been sexually or physical assaulted - especially since i regularly hear of robberies being done at night in the near-by park i'd walk in, or of a rapist in the area who has attacked in the paths by the ravine a few minutes away. when i was younger i definitely had this attitude where i felt invisible or invincible to anything happening to me. i certainly had fear in situations, but i'd easily make poor choices and chose the unsafe option for whichever reasons. for a while i found my apathy and negative self-image would even affect those decisions, _"guys wouldn't try to assault or rape me since i'm definitely too ugly"_ :roll or _"i don't care if something bad happens to me"_ :roll :roll.

okay enough rolling of my eyes. this is still a fear of mine - mostly my physical appearance and strength. i am petite, and i look like i am weak, which is RIGHT, i don't have much strength and even running for short periods of time is really tough. i think that makes me a prime target and it scares me.



Conquistador said:


> How about the fact that she's now gotten 8 pages of it? I think she's well covered by now, unless she just digs the attention.


i hope you are just talking **** for the sake of being controversial. 
if you are not then christ, re-think that statement. i'd honestly say that more than half threads in Coping With Social Anxiety are usually over very minor matters that don't realistically concern our safety - other than the crippling fear, but that is irrational.
she is making a thread over a situation that is rightly so, _very _distressful, and _very _important as she could be in danger if the situation worsens. its completely normal for someone in her position to lack the information and guidance, having a thread reach 8 pages because she's still seeking advice and expressing her growing concerns is NOT out of attention-seeking.
if you have a female friend who is talking to you and tells you about a similar situation, and she eventually gets advice on what to do but every time something continues to happen she calls you, and this goes on regularly as she is still uneasy about it.. i _really _hope you don't tell her she is going on about it more than she should, and that she just digs attention.

i really don't want to get this thread locked - so sorry mods if i'm going too off-topic or making an attack.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would just stay away from him, period. If he is that weird. He only talked to her once. That is more than infrequent. As long as it doesn't become more often (unless the conversation is clean and decent), she is fine. 

You can't say that he is a violent man when we really don't know the circumstances of the domestic violence charge. It's a charge, but there's always a story behind it. It could have been an ex-wife, but maybe he was an alcoholic....or maybe he was defending himself against someone....or maybe the other person is a MAN (brother, cousin, etc.) who may have been an alcoholic. Fistfights are considered domestic violence....
There's too much variability and just enough to get the anxiety flying. Do not read more into a situation than it should be. Just like him, you also have to be accountable for your actions.

Just be vigilant.


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## Weston (Sep 23, 2006)

It's hard to believe some of you actually think this guy may have social anxiety himself. First off he commented on how quite she was and how he never saw her talk to anyone. He acted in a very forward manner, asked the types of questions, and saying innapropriate things to her that would be consistent with an agressive male personality. How many guys here have walked up to a girl in the laundy room and told her something she said or did was a real turn on? It seems like some of you here are projecting your own feelings of social ineptness to this situation. How many of you guys will have the confidence when your 60 to hit on a girl you find really atractive that's 23? I think not many. My guess is at the very least he has a bully type personality and is cluing off the girls timidity.


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## Moon Fire (Oct 15, 2008)

Weston said:


> It's hard to believe some of you actually think this guy may have social anxiety himself. First off he commented on how quite she was and how he never saw her talk to anyone. He acted in a very forward manner, asked the types of questions, and saying innapropriate things to her that would be consistent with an agressive male personality. How many guys here have walked up to a girl in the laundy room and told her something she said or did was a real turn on? It seems like some of you here are projecting your own feelings of social ineptness to this situation. How many of you guys will have the confidence when your 60 to hit on a girl you find really atractive that's 23? I think not many. My guess is at the very least he has a bully type personality and is cluing off the girls timidity.


This is interesting because reading through some of the threads made me wonder why some posters are talking of this OP's neighbour as if they know him. First of all I agree with you that I don't believe he (the creep) has SA and secondy I think he's a weirdo. He's a much older guy who shouts in his apartment and seems to spy on the OP!!! He's confronted her about her appearance and at the same breath remarked scarily on being with her. She also has another problem with someone else at her door late at night. She obviously lives in a bad place and needs to get out fast.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

buy a tazer gun, and zap him in the nuts with it


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

Ug. I have learned to be rude with men if I don't want them coming on to me. There's nothing wrong with saying "I don't want to talk to you" and acting very uninterested.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

deeds14 said:


> Ug. I have learned to be rude with men if I don't want them coming on to me. There's nothing wrong with saying "I don't want to talk to you" and acting very uninterested.


That would have solved the problem right there - you do have the right to be firm and direct. Beyond that, anything he does is on HIM. That probably would have stopped it right there. He would either have to clean up the talk or go away.

But his behavior could be other issues, we can't judge.


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## jjyiss (May 6, 2006)

its hard to know what guys are thinking. heck its hard to know what girls are thinking too.. i remember years ago me and my older brother were walking at night around hollywood to my parents function. my brother noticed that a woman ahead of us seemed to thinking we were following her. i noticed her and saw she had her arms crossed tightly (it wasn't cold) was quickening her pace, and then went to the opposite side of the street. we thought it was odd since we didn't do anything unusual, we were just talking to each other in a normal tone but i suppose its better to be safe than sorry. kinda sux to always have fear walking alone at nights.


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## xyzhousexyz (Jun 21, 2009)

WOW i wonder if anyone has sat and read ALLL OF THESE POST, this is the most popular thread ive seen EVER!


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Moon Fire said:


> This is interesting because reading through some of the threads made me wonder why some posters are talking of this OP's neighbour as if they know him. First of all I agree with you that I don't believe he (the creep) has SA and secondy I think he's a weirdo. He's a much older guy who shouts in his apartment and seems to spy on the OP!!! He's confronted her about her appearance and at the same breath remarked scarily on being with her. She also has another problem with someone else at her door late at night. She obviously lives in a bad place and needs to get out fast.


 If you would read entire posts instead of zooming in on the parts you find alarming (or offensive or whatever it is), you might see what some people are saying. For my part, I'm not saying I know the man. I don't. I said it's possible that he has or has had some issues with SA himself because it is possible. Having SA doesn't mean you absolutely can't talk to people if you want to badly enough. Some of the things he said sounded like things someone with very low self esteem might say (Like when he said he wasn't worthy to shine her shoes or whatever. That's indicative of very low self esteem). Do I know that for a fact? No. What does it mean? I don't know.

Also, I was saying that the guy obviously has mental issues. Meaning he's probably not being creepy on purpose any more than you have SA on purpose. He probably doesn't know how to relate to women normally. Whether that's got anything at all to do with SA, I have no clue. I doubt he sits in his apartment and says "I'm going to go freak her out again today".

Yes. He's probably a "weirdo" but I still kind of feel bad for people like that because I know what it's like to have mental issues that make me look weird, strange, unusual and maybe even scary to other people. Is it so hard to understand why some people (especially here) might feel a bit sorry for the guy?

Now, once again - none of this takes anything away from the fact that she should be very concerned and she should do whatever she needs to do to make sure she is safe. I'm not attacking her. I understand why she feels the way she does and I would too. I would not want anything I've said in this thread to make her feel like she shouldn't have brought it up. I don't want her to think that's what I'm getting at.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

Some Russian Guy said:


> buy a tazer gun, and zap him in the nuts with it


best advice on this thread.


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## sadie08 (Sep 17, 2008)

Wow that sounds really really scary - I'm totally afraid of creepy men anyway so I cannot imagine. Honestly I would probably look into moving - it would be one thing if he just runs into you at the laundry room but he knows exactly where you live and sounds like he kind of watches you a bit. Everything you've said here - there is not enough to really take any sort of action against him but I would definitely be worried about him bothering you more and more. That just sucks!!!! I hope you find a way to deal with it or somewhere safer to be. Sorry you are going through that.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> best advice on this thread.


yeah, I have a very wild imagination :clap


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

xyzhousexyz said:


> WOW i wonder if anyone has sat and read ALLL OF THESE POST, this is the most popular thread ive seen EVER!


A little too popular. Heck maybe i should start a thread claiming i'm so interesting that somebody keeps following me around and watch me become the biggest celebrity on the site too!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

You ought to send the two Russian guys after him. They'll mug him for vodka money - cuss him out in Russian and then leave a note (in English) telling them to leave her alone. :yes


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Conquistador said:


> A little too popular. Heck maybe i should start a thread claiming i'm so interesting that somebody keeps following me around and watch me become the biggest celebrity on the site too!


you're in a good mood tonight, i see.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Conquistador said:


> A little too popular. Heck maybe i should start a thread claiming i'm so interesting that somebody keeps following me around and watch me become the biggest celebrity on the site too!


 That is not the way I read the OP at all.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Some Russian Guy said:


> buy a tazer gun, and zap him in the nuts with it


stun guns and tazers

* Stun Guns*

Many people confuse stun guns with tasers, but the weapons are quite different. A stun gun is a small, handheld item that must make physical contact with the attacker in order to work. The gun utilizes two small probes that, once in contact with an attacker's skin, release a high voltage, low amperage charge. This charge will temporarily disable an attacker for several minutes, allowing you to escape to safety.

Pros- Stun guns do not rely on pain to stop the attacker, but instead simply stun the attacker, so that their voluntary muscle control ceases temporarily. Both pepper spray and a taser will inflict severe pain upon the attacker; the stun gun does not. Stun guns are inexpensive and small-they can be held in the palm of your hand. The shock will not transmit to you if you are in contact with the attacker, so it is very difficult to accidentally use it on yourself during an attack.

Cons- The biggest downside to a stun gun is that you must be close enough to your attacker to touch him. This will mean, consequently, that he will be close enough to reach out and grab you as well.​   *  *​  * Tasers*

*Again, tasers should not be confused with stun guns; a taser can be effective from up to fifteen feet away. A taser shoots two probes that penetrate the skin of an attacker, anchoring themselves at a depth of about three-eighths of an inch. Once the probes have attached, you can pull the trigger. Electrical charges will be sent from the taser through the body of the attacker, rendering him immobile. It is not essential, however, that the probes penetrate the assailant's skin; a taser current can jump up to 2 inches and still render its target immobile.

Tasers use a timing feature that delivers an initial shock for about 7 seconds; this is followed by shock waves every one-and-a-half seconds afterward. These periodic jolts keep the attacker from regaining his wits and removing the taser probes from his skin.

Pros- With a taser, you can disable an attacker from up to 15 feet away. This means that you do not have to be close enough to touch the attacker, as required with a stun gun. Tasers are commonly used by the police force, and much research has been completed on their efficiency. They are an effective means of self-defense, especially when used against someone who threatens use of a knife or blunt weapon, as you are able to maintain a safe distance from them.

Cons- Some people do not like the idea of using tasers because they deliberately cause pain to the attacker. For many people, the idea of shocking a person to incapacitation is hardly appealing. While quite rare, there has been the occasional report of death from taser shock, increasing the potential liability when using this weapon. These cases of death, however, generally occurred when the attacker had a history of health problems (such as heart trouble). People who use the taser can become additionally harmed, if the assailant regains their senses and removes the probes in order to continue their attack.*


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

^ I used to have a stun gun when I was a teenager. I zapped myself with it a few times just to see how effective it was. It's unpleasant but I don't think it would stop someone who was very determined. Probably just piss them off. There are different voltages you can get but the one I had was pretty high. 

I think pepper spray is a better idea. Just get the good kind. Go to a gun shop and ask the person what's the best kind. Make sure they show you how to use it. Like I said, if you do it wrong, any wind or drafts can blow it back in your face. I really doubt the OP will have to actually use a weapon on this person but if she does, she should be prepared and have one that will actually do what she wants it to do.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Conquistador said:


> How about the fact that she's now gotten 8 pages of it? I think she's well covered by now, unless she just digs the attention.


Quit acting nasty towards me and stop reading/posting in the damn thread if you are so bothered. I've been posting on this forum for 4 years and hardly have any posts, so why would I be seeking attention all of a sudden? It is you, who seems to be seeking attention since you have only posted to spew your filth, and have not said anything useful in regards to the topic.

I honestly have little support in my life and I didn't have any idea at how to handle this person when I posted this thread. Get a clue, I have social anxiety and thus haven't had much experience with dealing with people, especially those that come on too strong.


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## xyzhousexyz (Jun 21, 2009)

teabagred said:


> Quit acting nasty towards me and stop reading/posting in the damn thread if you are so bothered. I've been posting on this forum for 4 years and hardly have any posts, so why would I be seeking attention all of a sudden? It is you, who seems to be seeking attention since you have only posted to spew your filth, and have not said anything useful in regards to the topic.
> 
> I honestly have little support in my life and I didn't have any idea at how to handle this person when I posted this thread. Get a clue, I have social anxiety and thus haven't had much experience with dealing with people, especially those that come on too strong.


She told you!


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## TaniaN (Jun 24, 2009)

teabagred said:


> Quit acting nasty towards me and stop reading/posting in the damn thread if you are so bothered. I've been posting on this forum for 4 years and hardly have any posts, so why would I be seeking attention all of a sudden? It is you, who seems to be seeking attention since you have only posted to spew your filth, and have not said anything useful in regards to the topic.
> 
> I honestly have little support in my life and I didn't have any idea at how to handle this person when I posted this thread. Get a clue, I have social anxiety and thus haven't had much experience with dealing with people, especially those that come on too strong.


Ignore him, he seems to do that in every thread he posts in. Who's seeking attention now? :sus


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> ****Thread Lock Watch****
> There have been a lot of things that in this thread that just plain should not have been posted. Too many emotions, fears, and anxiety can be triggered through this thread. I gave an indirect advisory that this thread needed to brought under control. Now, I am making it official. If this continues, I will have no choice but to lock the thread. The moderation team will be notified.


****Thread Lock Warning****
Okay, the last three posts went too far. 
I am going to be VERY nice and not issue warnings, but there is obvious sign of conflict and personal attacks. I see THREE instances above this post where warnings would be warranted.
Copies of the violatory posts will be kept. If I see a conflict between the affected parties in another thread, I will issue an immediate infraction.

A reminder - make sure you have enough evidence to take action - making wrong assumptions is not a good thing to do.


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