# Online Dating Sites...What are your views?



## Jess93 (Feb 15, 2013)

Just wondering....


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

"Online Dating: Pay us to fail at courting for you."


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

I think it's great that the Internet has made meeting people so accessible, but... I wouldn't be into the idea of online dating. 

My supervisor met her husband through eHarmony, though. They have a two-year old boy now, so I guess it works for some.


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

I get ignored quite a bit on there and there is like a ratio of one female for every three guys making it really hard to be noticed amongst the crowd unless you're incredibly persistent like an annoying fly that wont go away.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

If you look like a model, it works.

If you're not and you don't "sell yourself" very well online, it's no use. If you don't feel good enough about how you look, then are you really gonna feel good enough about other things concerning yourself and tell people about them?


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## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

I think it's a good way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. However, I may be biased because I met my current gf of 5 months online.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I used to be really against online dating but I think my views have changed somewhat...

It seems online you have to play more volume than real life. I have a higher rejection rate online than real life, but online is more convenient and less stressful than real life.

Now, I would say online is a good place to look if you expect there to be many rejections in different forms. If you play large volume online then your chances are decent. Also, you don't have to use online solely; maybe as one resource. It's as good a place as any, but seems to have a higher rejection rate for the girls I actually am attracted to, for me anyway.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I made a profile, but I don't bother even signing in anymore. I really struggle with knowing what to put down. I don't message other girls because I figure that once they do see my profile, they will lose all interest. Maybe I'll try again seriously when I'm a bit older and have a better sense of who I am.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

For a guy, it's like, "throw **** at a wall and see what sticks."

A total numbers game and all luck.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

maninabox said:


> I think it's a good way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. However, I may be biased because I met my current gf of 5 months online.


Did you have a really good profile picture? Some of us can't do good pictures no matter how many times we take a picture, unless there's some serious photoshopping.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Totally pointless. Women are even pickier online than in person. An unattractive-to-average guy like me can't hope to compete against thousands of other guys.


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## O Range (Feb 11, 2013)

It's hilarious how one sided they really get.
Plus you get some very funny people if you just look through them. There are people there that make some bitter guys on *4chan* look sympathetic by comparison.


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## wanderer13 (Jan 13, 2012)

Online dating is a great tool....especially for SA people!

It helped me tons initially to have some dates and face some huge fears i had...and eventually i got a girlfriend out of it, which is great looking and seems pretty well balanced in her head so far.

Yeah, its pretty hard for guys.....but on the other hand its free practise! If you can create enough attraction online, then you can anywhere!I do not think it's as useful for girls, especially if one is good looking but again it has its uses.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

4 letters:


S U C K




This is for average men, women in general and good looking males for them it may be ok. Also good for females who get 30 messages a day too polish up their ego, so they become even more arrogant.... but thats not their faults, its the guys fault who message them in the 1st place.


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## Jess93 (Feb 15, 2013)

It's interesting to hear what everyone else thinks. I'm not thinking of joining one, but I overheard someone talking about how great they are at work, and I was thinking to myself, how great can it be? Really? People can be totally different online than in person. Personally I wouldn't really trust it.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

Jess93 said:


> It's interesting to hear what everyone else thinks. I'm not thinking of joining one, but I overheard someone talking about how great they are at work, and I was thinking to myself, how great can it be? Really? People can be totally different online than in person. Personally I wouldn't really trust it.


Try it out then takes only 20mins to make a profile, if you have good pics that is....and in this case you dont need to message first guys will do this anyway....


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

You have to lie to get attention and dates. If you can keep the lies going long enough to get laid then it might be worth it.


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## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

little toaster said:


> Did you have a really good profile picture? Some of us can't do good pictures no matter how many times we take a picture, unless there's some serious photoshopping.


No, not really. I don't think I'm photogenic at all. And she (and her friends who also saw my profile) told me I'm better looking in real life.

On a somewhat side note, I did get lucky. I've been on and off of online dating for like 4-5 years. I've met a few people online (around 6 in that 4-5 year period), had one crappy relationship several years ago with someone I met online, but now I'm with someone amazing.


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## brettfavre4life (Apr 20, 2012)

I've known of a few people who met someone and it worked out. I didn't have much luck, but I only gave it about a 2 week try. I'm sure there are wonderful people on there just looking for someone to spend some time with, but unfortunately those are overshadowed by all the people who are there to hook up and/or try to fool people.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

The thing where a certain tend to go for an "ego-boost".


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## feverfew (Jan 11, 2012)

I honestly don't think it is as bad as a lot of people on here say. It is good practice for somebody with SA. You deal with all the same stuff as dating in real life but you have time to craft your conversations without the nerves of having to think on your feet. You face rejection, but it is usually in the form of no response instead of no. Plus you can move on to the next person a lot quicker online.

I think just like real life you have to go into it not expecting much but hope for the best and try to have fun. 

I'm not currently using it, but I might try it again in the future.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Hopeless.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

I think they work well for those of us with SAD, but don't expect instant results. Lots of girls won't reply because chances are they've all ready started messaging someone, so it's important not to take being ignored personally - it will happen a lot.

It took me 3 months but I'm meeting someone this weekend, not sure if it will work out or not given my lack of experience and the change from online talking to in person. It's definitely worth trying if you're looking to date. Much easier than meeting someone in person of course, especially for those of us with SA.



feverfew said:


> I think just like real life you have to go into it not expecting much but hope for the best and try to have fun.


This is how I approach it. I have low expectations for myself, but still it's worth trying.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

-It's not only women who sign up for those things for an ego boost. 
-It's a great way to meet like-minded people you wouldn't normally meet.
-I recommend answering a bunch of questions, but don't limit yourself to only people who have an extremely high match percentage with you.
-I think the best course of action is to rate highly someone you are truly interested in. If they feel the same way, they should either rate you back or message you. Then you know they like you, and you don't have to waste your time. 
-It's unfortunate that there are more men than women on there, but don't get resentful. No one owes you anything.
-I would never respond to the chavs who obviously message every girl.
-Do not lie or put up old, inaccurate pictures. Someone I know ended up going on a date with someone who looked nothing like his pictures, and she definitely did not see him again.


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## stookified (Sep 15, 2012)

Well its hit or miss imo. You have to be honest in your profile or when you meet its gonna ne weird. Dating in general is a numbers game. I think its a great outlet for me even if I don't het many initiated responses. How ever nothing is easy and if u have to work for it it makes it sweeter


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## aquilla (Aug 18, 2011)

uhh well for me it didn't work. Many , many people can be deliberately deceiving others, lying about really important things and it's easy to get in trouble or at least to get upset from having hopes too high. BUT if you're not expecting much and just looking for a way to spend your free time, a bit of internet flirt wouldn't hurt.Now it's more of a way to spend free time for me, not more.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

They can be ok, helps if you lie though if you're an older guy inexperienced in relationships or a virgin male over 25. The ladies will make negative assumptions and won't give you a chance! Also if you're not in shape or judged to have a more average/ugly face by your photo, you're be rejected also. Women are much more shallow on dating sites/online Vs how they are in real life to guys they would meet face to face in bars ect.

Being as you're female though, watch out for and weed out the pervs! Not all guys will be messaging saying creepy stuff and wanting sex, so read your messages or you may miss a gem! 
Also be careful, goes without saying to meet in a public place if you get lucky enough to find someone you like. Have fun with it, worth a try!


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It's never worked for me. Never gone beyond the 2nd date. Usually it's one sided. Either I like them but they aren't interested in me or they like me but I'd rather study intermediate accounting than kiss them Slept with a few guys and had many dates where I wanted to turn in the other direction once I caught sight of them. 

I probably haven't put in enough time and effort into it. I just can't seem to get the motivation to go on much of any dates anymore. If I their pictures aren't that great and there is nothing on their profile that really calls out to me then it's like....meh, I'd rather just say home and eat junk food.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

komorikun said:


> and eat junk food.


How about something healty for a change, example: I am eating salad right now. And drink applejuice


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Nexus777 said:


> How about something healty for a change, example: I am eating salad right now. And drink applejuice


Yeah, I'm working on it. Got to get ready for Florida. Won't be able to cover up all my flab in layers of clothes anymore.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I was on POF today just looking at profiles. I saw a girl my buddy used to hook up with. Its disconcerning when you see a girl trying to pass as a sweetheart when you know all the crazy things she has done. I know guys do the same thing. I just wish people would be honest about what they are really like. If I ever date again, i'm gonna ask some brutal questions in the beginning.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

bucklti said:


> If I ever date again, i'm gonna ask some brutal questions in the beginning.


Who says her answers will be truthful?


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I've always had a knack for knowing when someone is lying. Especially women.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bucklti said:


> I was on POF today just looking at profiles. I saw a girl my buddy used to hook up with. Its disconcerning when you see a girl trying to pass as a sweetheart when you know all the crazy things she has done. I know guys do the same thing. I just wish people would be honest about what they are really like. If I ever date again, i'm gonna ask some brutal questions in the beginning.


what are you going to ask?


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

komorikun said:


> what are you going to ask?


I'm not gonna hold back. I'm gonna ask specifics about their past sex life, past drug use, everything. I always thought the past shouldn't be brought up. But now, I realize it was my avoidant behavior.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I think they are great and I have had good success from them (as in they all got to the point where it became up to me to move them forward or not, which I fail abysmally at, but that's another story). I find the pay sites immeasurably better than the free ones though when it comes to finding people who are serious about it. Just have to be smart, be persistent and try to enjoy yourself.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bucklti said:


> I'm not gonna hold back. I'm gonna ask specifics about their past sex life, past drug use, everything. I always thought the past shouldn't be brought up. But now, I realize it was my avoidant behavior.


what are you trying to avoid specifically? what did that friend's ex do that was so crazy?


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

komorikun said:


> what are you trying to avoid specifically? what did that friend's ex do that was so crazy?


You name it, she's probably done it. She looks and acts sweet like the girl next door type. But is the exact opposite. Probably has aids from all the unprotected sex she has with random dudes.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

bucklti said:


> *You name it, she's probably done it. She looks and acts sweet like the girl next door type. But is the exact opposite. Probably has aids from all the unprotected sex she has with random dudes.*


85% of the population your trying to date at 26..........:lol


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It can be disheartening if you put a lot of mental and emotional energy into it. Typing messages and not hearing anything back makes you wonder if you're doing something wrong.

You can find someone to be in a good relationship with, but it doesn't come easily. At least not for me.


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## RyanE1991 (Feb 14, 2013)

I hate them, but mainly because I went in with high expectations thinking "yeah this'll be great ill sign up and probably have a date within a week", a year later I have had nobody remotely interested, and the annoying thing is I have uploaded all my photos where I feel I look quite good and tried to sell myself even though I dont like doing that because I don't have much self confidence, but I still gave it a shot, and if they won't reply to me when I feel my best its no wonder I have no attention at my worst.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

They are ego boosting when people show interest in you but they get your hopes up then crush you because people are such flakes!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

They're massively stacked in favor of women, and men generally don't get dates from there...unless they have the wallet of Bill Gates, the looks of Brad Pitt, and the personality of Robin Williams.


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## RyanE1991 (Feb 14, 2013)

WintersTale said:


> They're massively stacked in favor of women, and men generally don't get dates from there...unless they have the wallet of Bill Gates, the looks of Brad Pitt, and the personality of Robin Williams.


Totes agree.


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## Plopperton (Nov 27, 2010)

A lot of people are really picky online, one thing you put in your profile can be a dealbreaker for some, where as if you met this person at a coffee shop or something the dynamics would be totally different.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Plopperton said:


> A lot of people are really picky online, one thing you put in your profile can be a dealbreaker for some, where as if you met this person at a coffee shop or something the dynamics would be totally different.


I think you're right about this.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> They're massively stacked in favor of women, and men generally don't get dates from there...unless they have the wallet of Bill Gates, the looks of Brad Pitt, and the personality of Robin Williams.


That's the way it feels sometimes.


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## SambaBus (Apr 26, 2012)

Has anyone here ever used paid sites or just the free ones? Sounds like the free ones are a complete waste of time, I wonder if paid sites are the same.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

SambaBus said:


> Has anyone here ever used paid sites or just the free ones? Sounds like the free ones are a complete waste of time, I wonder if paid sites are the same.


I've probably done slightly better on the paid ones, at least you know the people tend to be a little more serious on there.


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

Jess93 said:


> It's interesting to hear what everyone else thinks. I'm not thinking of joining one, but I overheard someone talking about how great they are at work, and I was thinking to myself, how great can it be? Really? People can be totally different online than in person. Personally I wouldn't really trust it.


This is what puts me off joining a dating site. Alot of people I ahve spoke to said when they met the person they seemed alot different to how there were online and they looked different also compared to their photos. I think if you were to meet anyone from a dating site, chat to them for a bit before you meet and get to know them a bit more.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Anyone ever try eharmony?

I tried a few years ago and it rejected me. They ask a lot of questions about how "happy" you are. It seems they want you to just walk around all day thinking happy thoughts. Who is happy all the time?


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

AngelClare said:


> Anyone ever try eharmony?
> 
> I tried a few years ago and it rejected me. They ask a lot of questions about how "happy" you are. It seems they want you to just walk around all day thinking happy thoughts. Who is happy all the time?


Rejected you, how do you mean? I joined that years ago when just to see what it was like and I filled out lots of questionnaires and that was it.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

SAS is the best online dating site I know of.


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## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Anyone ever try eharmony?
> 
> I tried a few years ago and it rejected me. They ask a lot of questions about how "happy" you are. It seems they want you to just walk around all day thinking happy thoughts. Who is happy all the time?


I tried eharmony a couple years ago. It was a waste of time/money for me. One flaw is that they can match you with non-paying users, who won't be able to contact you back. You can usually spot them, though because they have very little in their profile. However, my brother did meet his wife on eharmony, so it can work for some people. I know 2 other couples who met on eharmony.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Some woman asked my out on OKCupid in December. I didn't want to drive into the city (where she was) so I flaked out.

My brother met his wife on match.com.

EHarmony rejected me.

Oh, how many views do I get? Like one a week. lmao lol gtfo lol lmao lol gtfo


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

The matching with non-paying users is an issue on eharmony. I did meet one nice gal on there.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)




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## Forwhatiamworth (Mar 3, 2013)

Personally, I just join them to fill out the surveys and see what mythical creature they put me with.On one of the websites, when I was done registering, they showed me a list of highly compatible matches and low and behold no joke it was ****ty neighbor I can't stand! I laughed and thought this website is flawed. Also, some guy sent me a message and attached to it was a picture of his penis ! I think that free dating websites attract a lot of weirdos. A few of my family members have had great success on the websites you have to pay for, they seem to attract people who are very serious about long term relationships. I think it is a great way to let the worms out of the can if you are shy or have SA. In reality, some people are just not good at flirting and need a "nudge" to get them going.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I sent a stupid message to a girl and it's the first time she hasn't replied back. That's my first official dating rejection.

I'm new to dating websites but I don't feel I have a whole lot to offer. It's like a jungle out there.


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## homsar (Dec 8, 2011)

The trouble with dating sites it seems to me is, firstly there tends to be more men on there than women, giving women more choice; and secondly women tend to be the ones receiving the messages. The number of women who receive no messages I imagine is vastly outweighed by the number of men who receive no replies to theirs.

So a small minority of the men may go on dates with a majority of the women, leaving a great number of men dateless; probably a larger portion that in "real life". So, ironically perhaps, dating sites may not be the answer for the dating-challenged; they may in fact be even worse.

Have a look at the okcupid blog, http://blog.okcupid.com/ that's a mine of fascinating information and statistical analyses of its members.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

Online dating sites can work, but you have to be EXTREMELY cautiously optimistic. I especially say this for men. Dating websites are hell for men and far easier for women.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

srschirm said:


> *It can be disheartening if you put a lot of mental and emotional energy into it.* *Typing messages and not hearing anything back makes you wonder if you're doing something wrong.*
> 
> You can find someone to be in a good relationship with, but it doesn't come easily. At least not for me.


I've seen some women complain in their profiles that men will send them short, uninspired, one-sentence messages like "What's up?" or "How U doin'?" They will list as a prerequisite for contacting them something like "You must be able to say something interesting about yourself, something longer than four words." I can understand their frustration with this, but they have to understand that putting a lot of energy into crafting a thoughtful, witty message (which I've done myself) is often a waste of the guy's time, since he most likely will not get a response to his thoughtful message.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

PathologicalSigher said:


> I've seen some women complain in their profiles that men will send them short, uninspired, one-sentence messages like "What's up?" or "How U doin'?" They will list as a prerequisite for contacting them something like "You must be able to say something interesting about yourself, something longer than four words." I can understand their frustration with this, but they have to understand that putting a lot of energy into crafting a thoughtful, witty message (which I've done myself) is often a waste of the guy's time, since he most likely will not get a response to his thoughtful message.


It's best to write something in between "what's up?" and a long, thoughtful message. Just ask a question referring to something on the woman's profile is adequate. That way she knows you read her profile and had some curiosity about her.

I don't respond to super short messages that seem like they didn't read my profile. The copy and paste long messages are even worse though.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Reckoner7 said:


> Rejected you, how do you mean? I joined that years ago when just to see what it was like and I filled out lots of questionnaires and that was it.


I filled out the questionnaire and they rejected me. They didn't allow me to proceed after that. lol

I think they screen out unhappy people. This was only a month after separating from my wife so I wasnt mr. Happy.


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## Mr Blues (Apr 1, 2011)

Useless, from my experience. The very men who are f****d in real life, are f***** on there too. In fact, online dating is even worse, as it's been proven that women's standards are even higher on dating sites. So basically, it's useless for the very kind of people who dating sites are intended for. Absolutely pointless.


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