# Do you think you're attractive?



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Something I've noticed about the SAS boards, most of the posters fall into either one extreme or another regarding this; they either think they're very attractive or incredibly non-attractive. I've always sort of wondered how egotism or self-deprecation work in conjunction with social anxiety. How the former seems to contradict social anxiety and the latter fall more in line with it. But apparently that is not always the case.

So, when you look in the mirror for example, and really try to size yourself up, do you believe that you are a generally attractive individual? If so, does this help you to deal with social situations, feeling confident that you are a visually attractive individual? If not, do you find yourself dwelling on this sort of thing constantly? Always thinking that people are looking at you, focusing on your physical flaws? Does it help perpetuate your anxiety?


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

I tend to look at myself in the mirror a lot, and I can't understand why for the life of me I am too insecure about my looks, because I find myself in the mirror to be really attractive 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time I feel really short and skinny and then get really insecure about myself in regards to getting a gf. I think I look really good in clothing, but not so good naked. Really though, people are biased about themselves, they judge themselves harsher or they are lenient on theselves. As for me I am not really sure how good I look to the general population of girls out there, which matters most to me in terms of whethet they find me good looking. Many people only care about how they look so that they may have an easier time finding a mate. I put my pics up here and got good feedback but really I think people look different in real life so it would mean more if I knew I was attractive in person.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I try to think of myself as average. But the truth is I have acne scars all over my face. Combine my acne scars with being underweight and I'm left feeling insecure. For the time being though I can accept that I lost the genetic lottery.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

I guess I'm one of the few that isn't at either extreme. My looks aren't something I find myself thinking about often, one way or the other. I don't think of myself as ugly, even though I very well might be, for all I know. I certainly would never think of myself as handsome. I have some definite flaws, but I don't obsess over them, and I can't say they've ever been a cause of anxiety for me. I have very low self-esteem, little self-confidence, and am extremely insecure, but none of that has anything to do with my appearance.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

I like myself from the neck down.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I seem to alternate between feeling very attractive and very unattractive.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

yeah, many times i feel really unattractive. to the point where i avoid mirrors and i hate having my picture taken. im not photogenic at all and i think i look bad in pictures. :/ once in a while i'll feel i look decent. i know its wrong but im always worrying/comparing my looks :/


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

I honestly don't have a clue...


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I never had frankly .... Yeah, i'm far from being attractive, i have an ugly face... and the rest is ugly too lol.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

I wonder sometimes.

I seem to be attractive to people I have no interest in, but the people I find attractive never appear to be aware of my existence.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

No


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I see so many problems with my looks, I hate just about everything, but I think I have nice features, just wrecked by a lot of other things. Oh, I like my height too.


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## o0SpaceAce0o (Aug 31, 2009)

It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. If I'm in my "confident mood" then I notice all the nice physical qualities I have. If I'm in my "I hate myself mood" then I notice all the bad qualities. There's no gray area with this.


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## Jnmcda0 (Nov 28, 2003)

drealm said:


> I try to think of myself as average. But the truth is I have acne scars all over my face. Combine my acne scars with being underweight and I'm left feeling insecure. For the time being though I can accept that I lost the genetic lottery.


Same here. I don't think I'm attractive, but I don't think I'm unattractive. I also have acne scars. Plus, I'm now losing my hair. I could wear a hat everyday like some guys do, but I'm not that concerned about my looks. I'm not overweight, but I'm a bit flabby, since I rarely exercise.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

JFmtl said:


> I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I never had frankly .... Yeah, i'm far from being attractive, i have an ugly face... and the rest is ugly too lol.


wow JF do you really believe that when you go out in public people cringe and look away from you?

to answer the question 2009 was a big year for getting to like the way I look. I knocked down a lot of barriers. I used to look in the mirror and hate what I would see. So much to the point I was scared to go out sometimes.


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

honestly, no and I am being objective. It doesn't bother me because physical appearance is something I can't change, short of plastic surgery.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

I'm the hottest thing around town.
Only not.
I look like everyone else. I don't think I'm "ugly"...on the average day.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

bowlingpins said:


> honestly, no and I am being objective. It doesn't bother me because physical appearance is something I can't change, short of plastic surgery.


That's why getting upset over your physical appearance is a waste of time. Unless you're going to jump up with your thousands of spare dollars and buy yourself a new face or something, it's just so utterly wasteful. It irks me that this still has any control over me at all.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

I'm fairly attractive, but still self conscious of some things. I don't like my height (5'8") and the fact I look young for my age. The latter definitely makes me very self conscious.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think I'm about average. I used to think I was fairly attractive when I was younger but that was probably because of the encouragement of others. Now, being rejected left and right, add the fact that I'm losing my hair, I think I'm getting "uglier" as time progresses like anyone else would.

Does it affect my esteem? Somewhat, but I also realize if it really bothered me I could probably conjure up other qualities of myself that would at least balance some things out (with hope), and I'm beginning to.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

alex999 said:


> I'm fairly attractive, but still self conscious of some things. I don't like my height (5'8") and the fact I look young for my age. The latter definitely makes me very self conscious.


I've always thought 5'8-5'10 is the ideal height for a man.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

polythene said:


> I've seen your photos around the boards and you're very pretty. Anyone who'd think otherwise is a little absurd.
> 
> As for fretting about physical appearance - it may be wasteful, but it's not unwarranted. You do tend to miss out on a lot (especially with SA) if you're not particularly good-looking. Perfect strangers are less inclined to be polite, acquaintances are less likely to want to be your friend, and potential partners aren't going to give you a second glance if you're not something nice to look at. It would sure as hell be nice to be treated wonderfully by virtue of my appearance alone. Shallow, yeah, but it's tiresome as hell to always have to clumsily earn people's regard when it comes so easily to others.
> 
> What I've learned firsthand is - no matter how doggedly you work on your intellect, interests and sense of humor, it's really not that impressive if you look like Jay Leno unless you're an absolute genius.


I will always be my worst critic - and I find most people are this way. No matter what skin you're in, there's always your tainted mind to decide what you think about it. Anyway, thank you kindly for the compliment. And I do see your point. I figure appearance is definitely a part of "who you are", but it does not have to define you. Even if others try to define you because of it.

Blah, it's late and I'm rambling. I'm just going to get myself all mixed up. I posted elsewhere about how my opinions are easily swayed and how I don't know what I really think half the time. All it takes is for someone to oppose to something I say, and I'm all, "hey you're sorta right there." So my actual position on a lot of topics is merely state my views and get out lol.

I will say that I believe that anyone who surrounds themself with the right crowds will find acceptance.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

I generally think I'm attractive just because of the attention I'll get from girls if I go to a bar or in public. I never really thought I was that attractive until girls started telling me how good looking I was (especially at the bar girls are very open I've learned). Sometimes I 'feel' ugly though. I didn't mean for that to sound conceited either. I remember seeing a study done about physical attractiveness online. The conclusion was that people see you as 20% more attractive than you actually see yourself. I suppose that's good news?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

polythene said:


> What I've learned firsthand is - no matter how doggedly you work on your intellect, interests and sense of humor, it's really not that impressive if you look like Jay Leno unless you're an absolute genius.


I suppose your right.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

No, not at all. I've been laughed at, picked on, and called ugly enough times in my life to know that most people don't think of me as attractive. I consider myself just plain and average. I've never turned any heads and seem invisible to women so I don't think of myself as attractive at all.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

No matter what I tell myself I just can't see it.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

path0gen said:


> Something I've noticed about the SAS boards, most of the posters fall into either one extreme or another regarding this; they either think they're very attractive or incredibly non-attractive. I've always sort of wondered how egotism or self-deprecation work in conjunction with social anxiety. How the former seems to contradict social anxiety and the latter fall more in line with it. But apparently that is not always the case.
> 
> So, when you look in the mirror for example, and really try to size yourself up, do you believe that you are a generally attractive individual? If so, does this help you to deal with social situations, feeling confident that you are a visually attractive individual? If not, do you find yourself dwelling on this sort of thing constantly? Always thinking that people are looking at you, focusing on your physical flaws? Does it help perpetuate your anxiety?


i've been feeling quite ugly lately. i still feel strange calling myself attractive, i suppose at best i feel satisfied with my appearance. i think my body is much nicer than my face but i see flaws in both.... just less numerous in my body.

my feelings of unattractiveness used to be much more intense.... it would tear me upside so much that i would cause harm to myself and i genuinely believed there was no reason to live if i was _that _ugly. i'm not critical about the appearances of others, i think there are many other qualities besides physical appearance that make a person attractive, and even so, unattractiveness isn't something that should ruin a person's life. but i felt i was so hideous that i was just about the only exception out there.

it definitely worsened my anxiety. i used to believe i wouldn't have SA if i was pretty and that my life would be better. since then i have become more attractive (but still not that attractive) and its not at all true. from most of attention i get on my appearance, it doesn't make me feel very confident, in fact i always just want to hide when i'm in public and i'm not sure why but i feel shame/embarrassment and sometimes disgust.

being able to leave the house is a major improvement from the past, though. but i still don't see myself as being attractive... just less painful to look at :b


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

I was voted the second hottest guy in highschool when I was only a sophmore. But being thought of as a attractive is a double edged sword with SA. I hate jelousy. I hate it, and being attractive brings jelousy.
Also, I did not feel like I was taken seriously inadva nced science classes, until after the first tests and even then...
And...boyfriends, husbands, brothers, and fathers are a trip...Dang, leave me alone, wackos.
But sometimes I can't lie I liked the attention from the opposite sex, bu at the same time, I was also uncomfortable with it.
And if a girl is interested and you don't reciprocate, I tell you, you get the wrath of that girl. It's not that I'm not interested, I have SA and low self esteem that's usually why I did not reciprocate...IDK


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

polythene said:


> I've seen your photos around the boards and you're very pretty. Anyone who'd think otherwise is a little absurd


So much for the idea of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. If your pretty everyone will think it, and if your ugly everyone will think that too or else they are complete morons. Really!



IllusionOfHappiness said:


> I will always be my worst critic - and I find most people are this way. No matter what skin you're in, there's always your tainted mind to decide what you think about it. Anyway, thank you kindly for the compliment. And I do see your point. I figure appearance is definitely a part of "who you are", but it does not have to define you. Even if others try to define you because of it.
> 
> Blah, it's late and I'm rambling. I'm just going to get myself all mixed up. I posted elsewhere about how my opinions are easily swayed and how I don't know what I really think half the time. All it takes is for someone to oppose to something I say, and I'm all, "hey you're sorta right there." So my actual position on a lot of topics is merely state my views and get out lol.
> 
> I will say that I believe that anyone who surrounds themself with the right crowds will find acceptance.


Its unfortunate because society places a lot of emphasis on looks. You see it on TV, movies, posters, magazines, etc. I took a communication class one time and we learned a lot on how physical beauty can get you farther than if you were unattractive. It's a shame really, I witnessed this firsthand many times, which is why I concern myself with how I look.


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## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

I'm pretty damn ugly, but I'm used to it, so its ok.


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## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

It absolutely makes or breaks me. 
Some days I think hey I look alright and it gives me confidence. Others, I think how the hell can anyone find me attractive, and it makes me deathly afraid.

_"I wonder sometimes.
I seem to be attractive to people I have no interest in, but the people I find attractive never appear to be aware of my existence._"

I get that too. Even though it's hard for me to find anyone really unattractive, it seems the ones I am most attracted to are the ones that don't give a damn. That's why if the off chance happens that a very appealing girl finds me attractive I freak.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

I'm not bad looking, I think better than average but no "10" by any means.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I think I'm average.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Lonelyguy said:


> No, not at all. I've been laughed at, picked on, and called ugly enough times in my life to know that most people don't think of me as attractive. I consider myself just plain and average. I've never turned any heads and seem invisible to women so I don't think of myself as attractive at all.


I beg to differ, having seen your pic. I think you attractive; and I cannot imagine how anyone could possibly call you ugly because its simply not true-- you are very attractive. :hug


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## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

nothing to fear said:


> being able to leave the house is a major improvement from the past, though. but i still don't see myself as being attractive... just less painful to look at :b


Hopefully you'll be happy to hear that you're totally delusional. You look great.

A general lack of attention suggests that I'm not terribly attractive. As long as I'm attractive to the mirror and whoever ends up in a relationship with me, that's all that matters.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

hiimnotcool said:


> I generally think I'm attractive just because of the attention I'll get from girls if I go to a bar or in public. I never really thought I was that attractive until girls started telling me how good looking I was (especially at the bar girls are very open I've learned). Sometimes I 'feel' ugly though. I didn't mean for that to sound conceited either. I remember seeing a study done about physical attractiveness online. The conclusion was that people see you as 20% more attractive than you actually see yourself. I suppose that's good news?


So that makes me a whopping 20% in the attractiveness scale!

Really what bothers me more is having an attractive personality.


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## AidanPryde (Nov 11, 2009)

I wouldn't call myself attractive, I'm overweight, have an odd-looking face and other stuff. Which is why I have absolutely no self-confidence when it comes to the opposite sex.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

I really don't know if i am, I'm stuck on the extremes, I'm either ugly or attractive. Appearances mean too much to me. Can't seem to accept myself as average. I think trying to see myself as attractive is a way of me build confidence, as well as make up for my lack of social skills - to improve my odds with girls. It's like a very flimsy thing to base confidence on because it comes and goes, or at least that's how I see myself. More than anything though I feel my body language makes me unattractive - it's just impossible to fake confidence when you're a truly honest person with SA.

I actually may be body dysmorphic, some of you may have this too; I think that plays a large part in my SA.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Honestly most of the time I think I'm just average. Not really good looking but not hideously ugly either. Some days I think I look better than others. And some days I do feel ugly.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

of course! just look at my picture!


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

i've always felt unattractive, and having no-one ever show any interest/attraction towards me has really helped to reinforce that feeling.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I know I'm unattractive. Facial features are very subjective, and if they're the only thing you feel is really wrong with your appearance, I'd love to switch places. My face is nothing special and looks way young for my age, but that isn't really my big concern: it's my body. I'm 5'7" and 125 lbs at age 22. I have *zero* muscle... pretty much skin and bone, ribcage showing, have to order pants with 28" waist online... and yet I still have a bit of flab on my belly and my legs. So yeah, my body is unattractive in a very objective sense... when I look at the numbers, it's impossible for me to believe my concerns are all figments of my imagination.

And yes, it's a MAJOR source of my SA.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

My sexiness is beyond belief


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I don't really know. Maybe I should do a poll, lol.


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

I think i'm fairly good looking. Just that my personality sucks.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Let's just say that if women were as interested in a man's looks as men are in a woman's looks, and if women had as little compunction against asking men out as men do for women, I would not be griping on this forum everyday.


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

sabueed said:


> I tend to look at myself in the mirror a lot, and I can't understand why for the life of me I am too insecure about my looks, because I find myself in the mirror to be really attractive 80% of the time.


I'm exactly the same, man. I often wish when people (read: women) looked at me they saw my mirror image, because it's slightly different than what I see in a photograph of myself and much better looking, I think.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

i especially hate going in places with bad lighting makes me feel even more unattractive, lmao

plus the combination of constant low self esteem and feeling ugly many times is annoying


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I don't find my face attractive but I pretty much like the way my body looks.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

pita said:


> I don't find my face attractive but I pretty much like the way my body looks.


I HATE my body, it is hideous  I'm getting it fixed in a couple weeks though.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

pita said:


> I don't find my face attractive but I pretty much like the way my body looks.


I'm the opposite.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

And I find faults in my body AND my face, I am lucky ~

The couple of things that I'm unhappy about my body can be fixed though. (Hairy and enough scars to look like a DV victim) There's only one thing I'd have to go under the knife for..but I'm pretty sure that I won't do it. Hopefully I'll be confident enough one day to stop caring.

And I can't change what I don't like about my face. I'll just call them "unconventionally attractive quirky features" for now until I can actually realise that there's nothing wrong with my face.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

It may sound silly but I feel like a lower form of humanity. Both in personality and looks so no, I am not attractive


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## dullard (Aug 4, 2008)

I'm homely at the best of times.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

Same here. I like my face, but I am short and thin so I really am not sure. It bugs me when I am around my friends who are taller than me.


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## TurningPoint (Jan 27, 2010)

I think I'm fairly attractive from a physical standpoint. I don't think I'm nearly as attractive in my personality.


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## ratbag (Aug 2, 2009)

RyanAdams said:


> I'm exactly the same, man. I often wish when people (read: women) looked at me they saw my mirror image, because it's slightly different than what I see in a photograph of myself and much better looking, I think.


I find my mirror image looks better than my photos as well. So when I look bad in the mirror, I feel like I look even worse the way everyone else sees me.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Nintendo said:


> No.
> 
> The girls I attract/are interested in me/ask me out in the past have said I'm "cute." I always had a problem being called "cute." that's something you call a cat, small dog, or your baby niece. Not a man in his mid 20's. But since I'm kind of getting noticed by the opposite sex I can't complain.


Oops, haha. Every guy I'm attracted to is "cute" to me. :b It's the only word that feels normal for me to use.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

strawberryjulius said:


> Oops, haha. Every guy I'm attracted to is "cute" to me. :b It's the only word that feels normal for me to use.


:yes the 'cute' i use to describe fluffy kittens and the 'cute' i use to describe a highly attractive male in his early 20's are verrrry different to me.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

im ugly


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

No. I've been called horse-face too many times to believe that I'm attractive.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I love my millenniummanliness. :lol


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## Havalina (Dec 18, 2004)

I used to think I was attractive.

I've been at a real low point regarding my self-image for the last few years. I have gained weight since having my son and I am rather replused by my body now. I think with some work I could get back to a better mind set.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

Not really. I'm ugly as f-ck, and I hit every branch on the ugly tree. BUT...I have other good qualities about me that I *try* focus on. Still, I avoid looking at the mirror at all costs, unless I'm putting on some makeup. When I was younger, I tried to tape a towel over my mirror in my bedroom. I prefer not to look at myself.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

Most of the time i think so but i have my insecure moments were i think im not so attractive. I used to think i was kinda ugly when i was a teen. I've never really had a problem attracting women, well for the most part I'm no player or anything like that. I've been told i have charisma that's probably what gets me the women and not so much my looks.I also had to deal with being one of the skinniest kids growing up so everyone assumes your a wuss.Fortunately I've added a few pounds I'm still skinny but not like a twig!


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