# Lunch with a beautiful woman



## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

Hi,

I had lunch yesterday with an attractive young woman and it was nice. I was so worried she would walk away if she saw me since I didn't know what she looked like but she was very friendly, fun, and attractive. :smile2: Unfortunately she doesn't live in my city so I don't think I will see her again for a long while. But it was nice to be with someone you would wish to be with. :smile2::kiss:


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

That must have been quite a confidence-boosting experience. :smile2:


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Oh wow congrats bro .


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Thats great!


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

relm1 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I had lunch yesterday with an attractive young woman and it was nice. I was so worried she would walk away if she saw me since I didn't know what she looked like but she was very friendly, fun, and attractive. :smile2: Unfortunately she doesn't live in my city so I don't think I will see her again for a long while. But it was nice to be with someone you would wish to be with. :smile2::kiss:


What was the nature of the lunch, was it a date?

In any event, congratulations.


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> What was the nature of the lunch, was it a date?
> 
> In any event, congratulations.


No, not really a date. Sort of hard to explain - she was in town for vacation and wanted to meet up thinking we have common interests and background so not sure if it was a date or just a social lunch.


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

tehuti88 said:


> That must have been quite a confidence-boosting experience. :smile2:


It was. Thank you! I do realize my body language needs to relax quite a bit. She was very open and engaging and my body language was closed - my lack of practice/experience was very evident. Luckily she was laid back and easy going so I eventually relaxed and just enjoyed the time. :smile2:



Kevin001 said:


> Oh wow congrats bro .


Thank you!



sad1231234 said:


> Thats great!


Thank you!


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

relm1 said:


> No, not really a date. Sort of hard to explain - she was in town for vacation and wanted to meet up thinking we have common interests and background so not sure if it was a date or just a social lunch.


That's good, try to take the right take home message. Clearly even attractive, interesting women can want to spend time with you. Clearly, you have value to offer.

Remind yourself of that we you start to doubt yourself or ask the famous "why would she be interested in me?" question.


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> That's good, try to take the right take home message. Clearly even attractive, interesting women can want to spend time with you. Clearly, you have value to offer.
> 
> Remind yourself of that we you start to doubt yourself or ask the famous "why would she be interested in me?" question.


Thank you for the genuinely kind response but I am not sure I follow. I know I have low self esteem.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

That's awesome  I'm glad you had a good time.


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> That's awesome  I'm glad you had a good time.


Thank you! I think I learned women aren't as scary as I thought. The issues really are all in my head. I wish I would remember that!


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

relm1 said:


> Thank you! I think I learned women aren't as scary as I thought. The issues really are all in my head. I wish I would remember that!


Yeah people with anxiety tend to make a lot of things scarier in their head than they actually are. I think that this was a good experience for you though, and you'll probably feel more comfortable the next time you encounter a pretty lady


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

relm1 said:


> Thank you for the genuinely kind response but I am not sure I follow. I know I have low self esteem.


I made a typo (I'm on a tablet). :laugh:

I just meant that if you ever doubt yourself remind yourself that you were chosen for company by someone you may have thought wouldn't look twice at you.

You did well. :smile2:


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## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

Can't even imagine how good it must have felt for you! Congrats! I must admit tho: i feel kinda envious!  Wish i was that lucky. 
When it comes to girls, they usually avoid me like the pest (or did so untill college, i stop caring about it since then. Never even looked at women as a romantic interest ever since due to my terrible experiences). 
Maybe one day i'll finally find someone who understands what goes on with people like us?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Awesome...how far away does she live?


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

relm1 said:


> Thank you! I think I learned women aren't as scary as I thought. *The issues really are all in my head. I wish I would remember that!*


Good for you mate. 

The more you do this sort of thing the easier it will get - it's the same as anything else.


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

max87 said:


> Can't even imagine how good it must have felt for you! Congrats! I must admit tho: i feel kinda envious!  Wish i was that lucky.
> When it comes to girls, they usually avoid me like the pest (or did so untill college, i stop caring about it since then. Never even looked at women as a romantic interest ever since due to my terrible experiences).
> Maybe one day i'll finally find someone who understands what goes on with people like us?


You should try exposure therapy/CBT to desensitize yourself to the fears. Don't just go meeting women because it might creep them out and end up reinforcing your beliefs but with exposure therapy/CBT you gradually expose yourself very slowly to increasingly uncomfortable exposures. It really does help. That and go to yoga. At yoga it is usually 90% women. Slowly make small talk and eventually compliment them on their flexibility/strength. Over time you might be friendly to each other and realize they aren't as scary as you remember. This has all helped me a lot because I was way worse than you. Still have only been on just a few dates in my whole life and I'm in my mid 40's!


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

srschirm said:


> Awesome...how far away does she live?


She lives about 400 miles away. She was just here for a weekend road trip.



harrison said:


> Good for you mate.
> 
> The more you do this sort of thing the easier it will get - it's the same as anything else.


You are right. Still scary but getting easier.


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## NickNock (Jul 6, 2017)

Congrats, always nice to have a conversation with someone with common interests


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

relm1 said:


> You should try exposure therapy/CBT to desensitize yourself to the fears. Don't just go meeting women because it might creep them out and end up reinforcing your beliefs but with exposure therapy/CBT you gradually expose yourself very slowly to increasingly uncomfortable exposures. It really does help. That and go to yoga. At yoga it is usually 90% women. Slowly make small talk and eventually compliment them on their flexibility/strength. Over time you might be friendly to each other and realize they aren't as scary as you remember. This has all helped me a lot because I was way worse than you. Still have only been on just a few dates in my whole life and I'm in my mid 40's!


Yoga huh, I've been considering that, not so I can talk to women though, genuinely for flexibility and lower back strength.

I don't really have any anxiety talking to women TBH, I think it's because I don't see it leading to anything so what is there to be scared of (ironically this makes it more likely that it could lead to something as I can show my true self instead of an anxious mess)? As long as I'm not nervous I'm a pretty good talker (as a result of years of analysis) so there's that too.

Good job on the progress BTW.


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