# People with SA, do you want or have children?



## humidity (Nov 24, 2011)

People with SA only please.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

no and no


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## leaf in the wind (Mar 28, 2017)

Yes. I love children! They are the future, and hope. 

My boyfriend doesn't want them though - but his parents abandoned him when he was a baby so I don't know if that affects his perspective?

I just want to see happy children, it doesn't even have to be my own. I'd happily foster.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

Yes I do want them. I've wanted kids for most of my life. 

No, I won't be having any children.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

Absolutely not. Though SA has little to do with it -- I think I wouldn't want them even if I didn't have SA to deal with. For one thing I'm way too selfish to spend a huge portion of my money and time raising kids. For another thing, I hate kids. Plus I think I'd make a terrible parent.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

This thread's always a bit of a crowd pleaser.


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

I want children but as much as it pains me to admit, it most likely will never happen. If I can't even start a discussion with a woman, how am I supposed to impregnate one???


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## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

I have 2


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Nope and nope.


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

yes I want, don't know if I'll accomplish it though , probably not anytime soon

at least one but ideally 2 or 3

I've tried many times to make them on my own but it just doesn't seem to work .


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

That everyone gets fully functioning genitalia is as irresponsible as giving everyone a loaded gun, I'll only take mine out occasionally to the firing range shoot off a few rounds, I have a concealed carry permit but I'll only use it in a live situation as a last resort.


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

forgetmylife said:


> yes I want, don't know if I'll accomplish it though , probably not anytime soon
> 
> at least one but ideally 2 or 3
> 
> *I've tried many times to make them on my own but it just doesn't seem to work* .


Tried that too. Still no success. :crying:


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

No and no. Nothing to do with anxiety, I just don't like them and I do like all the free time and extra money not having them gives me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

Biggest no you could physically utter. I'd rather soon have my tubes tied than ever having biological children. 

I have thought it'd be nice to adopt instead, but I'd want to do it as a single mother (and because I'll have to anyway, due to most likely remaining without a partner) but the adoption system seems to make that virtually impossible. And even then, I'd just be too terrible of a parent and risk passing on my SA or depression indirectly.


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## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

I don't want any.


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## Greenmacaron (Jul 20, 2019)

I like children but I am not willing to go through the pregnancy and birth. I have worked with children so I hope I can make a positive contribution that way. 

It’s a shame that in modern society there are many who have misconceptions about a woman just because she doesn’t want children of her own.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Yes, having a child is one of life's greatest pleasures.


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Absolutely not.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

nubly said:


> Yes, having a child is one of life's greatest pleasures.


 I'd love for you to try and explain what you mean by this?


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Would have liked to, but maybe too late now.


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

Mondo_Fernando said:


> Would have liked to, but maybe too late now.


Why to late?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I'm too dysfunctional to have children, I'd also ideally want to wait for this sort of thing which I was probably born just a bit too early for:

https://theboar.org/2018/11/gametes/

Would be very convenient if I ended up in a relationship with a ciswoman who is OK getting pregnant, but due to my preferences that seems unlikely (that they would be genetically female.)

I wouldn't really want them without a specific partner I care about either, that's also not going to happen.

Also needless to say someone like me having kids would be a bad idea because I'm too much of an outlier in society, I know that there are couples who do and their children are harassed by morons.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I wish I'd had more - my wife had 2 miscarriages unfortunately which is quite common, but thankfully we have my son.

Talking about my son - or even the concept of having children in general - on this forum, almost seems sacrilegious (if I were religious). It makes me feel slightly ill.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I sometimes think it would be interesting, but I know it's a bad idea for me and there's no chance of it happening anyway.


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

harrison said:


> I wish I'd had more - my wife had 2 miscarriages unfortunately which is quite common, but thankfully we have my son.
> 
> *Talking about my son - or even the concept of having children in general - on this forum, almost seems sacriligious (if I were religious). It makes me feel slightly ill*.


I also noticed that. I really wonder why... Perhaps the root is financial problems? The lack of faith is also likely one of the reasons here are completely against having children.

I actually think having kids would fill a void in my life. And at least they would have a better life than I did. Everytime I go see my older brother who has two kids I end up playing with them for hours. They are full of life (the opposite of me) and they actually make me feel better and forget about my own struggles.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

EndTimes said:


> I also noticed that. *I really wonder why...* Perhaps the root is financial problems? The lack of faith is also likely one of the reasons here are completely against having children.
> 
> I actually think having kids would fill a void in my life. And at least they would have a better life than I did. Everytime I go see my older brother who has two kids I end up playing with them for hours. They are full of life (the opposite of me) and they actually make me feel better and forget about my own struggles.


I don't wonder why at all mate. It's because many here are deeply unhappy and they've had awful lives. They see life as something at best that is to be tolerated and the world as an evil place. Plus many of them just don't like kids - which is neither here nor there, that's their business.

I'm not unhappy. My life has been incredible - and I know my son's will be too, even though he'll have problems like anyone else. To me life is a gift that we're given and the world is an amazing place. Not something to be feared and avoided.

Many of these people will never understand that - they're incapable of understanding it. But you aren't.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I'd love for you to try and explain what you mean by this?


They enrich your life.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Greenmacaron said:


> I like children but I am not willing to go through the pregnancy and birth.


:ditto and the breastfeeding, diaper changing, vomit cleaning, potty training, going years without sleep...


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

harrison said:


> I don't wonder why at all mate. *It's because many here are deeply unhappy and they've had awful lives*. They see life as something at best that is to be tolerated and the world as an evil place. Plus many of them just don't like kids - which is neither here nor there, that's their business.
> 
> I'm not unhappy. My life has been incredible - and I know my son's will be too, even though he'll have problems like anyone else. To me life is a gift that we're given and the world is an amazing place. Not something to be feared and avoided.
> 
> Many of these people will never understand that - they're incapable of understanding it. But you aren't.


I sometimes will also blame "others" for my own problems. I guess it is a normal reaction when you went through a lot yourself. What I don't understand is this "hatred" some people her feel for children. As if they were nothing but trouble. Many people on this forum would actually benefit from having kids to take care off. Would keep their minds busy and make them feel less lonely. It certainly would give a purpose to my life.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

EndTimes said:


> I sometimes will also blame "others" for my own problems. I guess it is a normal reaction when you went through a lot yourself. What I don't understand is this "hatred" some people her feel for children. As if they were nothing but trouble. Many people on this forum would actually benefit from having kids to take care off. Would keep their minds busy and make them feel less lonely. It certainly would give a purpose to my life.


Yeah, I'm afraid I don't really care why they don't like kids. That may sound slightly harsh but it's the truth.

I must admit though mate - I'm not completely comfortable with the whole idea of having kids to make you feel less lonely. I don't personally think we should have children just to do that. I mean no offence though and I understand what you mean, especially about it giving your life meaning.

My life had meaning before my son was born. Lots of it. I just wish I could help you deal with this ****ing anxiety, so you can get a few friends and meet a nice girl. So you can live your life like everyone else.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

EndTimes said:


> I sometimes will also blame "others" for my own problems. I guess it is a normal reaction when you went through a lot yourself. What I don't understand is this "hatred" some people her feel for children. As if they were nothing but trouble. Many people on this forum would actually benefit from having kids to take care off. Would keep their minds busy and make them feel less lonely. It certainly would give a purpose to my life.


I can't speak for everyone else but some people here myself included aren't in a position to have kids. Encouraging people who aren't in a good place in life or who can't take care of children, to have children seems selfish and dumb. And if you don't like kids you definitely shouldn't have them.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm too dysfunctional to have children


Said no-one ever :lol ..It's good you have insight & are conscious of your weaknesses, most aren't, just carry on regardless perpetuating chaos, it shows high protective instincts, probably good in a maternal setting.

You might be ok with a grounded supportive partner, but yes society is a minefield of morons difficult for "normal" folks never mind outliers like most of us were or are, schools, bullying etc, that's without taking into account worsening environment issues going into the future.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I go back and forth with it. If I was healthy I'd 100% like to, but with all my struggles it's really up in the air. I work hard in therapy so it's to be seen if I get to a place where I feel healthy enough to have good relationships and can nurture and raise a child properly. However, if I continue to struggle as I have, absolutely no way I'm bringing a child into this world to **** up and have as miserable a life as I've lived. My mother shouldn't have had a child she could not love. But mentally ill pple make bad decisions. What can ya do? Shrug.

Edit- Actually pretty sure I'd be a great mother as far as loving, supporting and other areas. But you can't raise a child in relative isolation. Need support and community and encouraging them to go out there and try and resolve conflicts and all that other social stuff. I'd prob raise an antisocial hermit. A loved, confident in who they are antisocial hermit, but an antisocial hermit nonetheless lol.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

blue2 said:


> Said no-one ever :lol ..It's good you have insight & are conscious of your weaknesses, most aren't, just carry on regardless perpetuating chaos, it shows high protective instincts, probably good in a maternal setting.
> 
> You might be ok with a grounded supportive partner, but yes society is a minefield of morons difficult for "normal" folks never mind outliers like most of us were or are, schools, bullying etc, that's without taking into account worsening environment issues going into the future.


I meant in gendered terms. I know there are people who attempt to create family dynamics that are different and if others pick up on that they tend to give them a lot of abuse. Though some of that is that they agreed to talk to the media. People have only recently come to terms with gay parenting (and still not fully.) Let alone stuff that completely ****s with the system.

I don't like to go into details often when I post but I have some very legitimate reasons for not having children that other people here will never understand because they're normal or more normal.


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I can't speak for everyone else but some people here myself included *aren't in a position to have kids*. Encouraging people who aren't in a good place in life or who can't take care of children, to have children seems selfish and dumb. *And if you don't like kids you definitely shouldn't have them*.


What do you mean by "aren't in a position" to have kids? Could you go a little further and develop?

I agree, people who don't like children shouldn't have any. They will probably make their lives miserable


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## EndTimes (Aug 10, 2018)

harrison said:


> Yeah, I'm afraid I don't really care why they don't like kids. That may sound slightly harsh but it's the truth.
> 
> I must admit though mate - I'm not completely comfortable with the whole idea of having kids to make you feel less lonely. I don't personally think we should have children just to do that. I mean no offence though and I understand what you mean, especially about it giving your life meaning.
> 
> My life had meaning before my son was born. Lots of it. *I just wish I could help you deal with this ****ing anxiety, so you can get a few friends and meet a nice girl. So you can live your life like everyone else*.


Would definitely be nice. I wouldn't ask more than that.

And thank you for trying to help me. I really appreciate. I need to be positive. In a certain sense I am in a better position than some people over here. I only have one single problem to sort out -> SA and I would be able to lead a decent life.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

harrison said:


> It's because many here are deeply unhappy and they've had awful lives. They see life as something at best that is to be tolerated and the world as an evil place.
> 
> Plus many of them just don't like kids
> -To me life is a gift that we're given and the world is an amazing place. Not something to be feared and avoided.


Pretty much, I don't hate kids I'm just indifferent tbh, though if I by some miracle or fluke it ever happened, you can bet I'd do my very best to put them on the right path in life & not take the scenic route like I did & get lost, that's for sure :teeth....

I don't begrudge anyone, I'm happy for you & people like you that had/have a happy life & never had the time or circumstances thrust upon them to became jaded & miserable, sure it's more room for your kind in the future with us broken, misery guts gone &#128578;


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't like to go into details often when I post but I have some very legitimate reasons for not having children that other people here will never understand because they're normal or more normal.


That's ok &#128578;


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

EndTimes said:


> Would definitely be nice. I wouldn't ask more than that.
> 
> And thank you for trying to help me. I really appreciate. I need to be positive. In a certain sense I am in a better position than some people over here. I only have one single problem to sort out -> SA and I would be able to lead a decent life.


That's okay mate. I just wish there was something real I could do. If we lived in the same country we could meet up for a coffee or something or go to a meetup.

Maybe having someone there that never shuts the hell up would make you feel a bit more comfortable. (or maybe it would annoy the hell out of you) 

I can stop talking sometimes though. :roll


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

blue2 said:


> Pretty much, I don't hate kids I'm just indifferent tbh, though if I by some miracle or fluke it ever happened, you can bet I'd do my very best to put them on the right path in life & not take the scenic route like I did & get lost, that's for sure :teeth....
> 
> I don't begrudge anyone, I'm happy for you & people like you that had/have a happy life & never had the time or circumstances thrust upon them to became jaded & miserable, sure it's more room for your kind in the future with us broken, misery guts gone &#128578;


I hope life gets a bit happier for you one day mate - you seem like a good bloke.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

EndTimes said:


> Why to late?


Age mate.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

EndTimes said:


> What do you mean by "aren't in a position" to have kids? Could you go a little further and develop?
> 
> I agree, people who don't like children shouldn't have any. They will probably make their lives miserable


Are you asking me why I personally can't or in general? Because there are lots of different reasons why someone probably shouldn't have children. For starters you have to be emotionally and financially able to support them, then assuming you want biological children you have to find someone there as well. If you want to adopt you have to meet certain standards.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I have slightly changed my tune on this.

Actually mentioned this very briefly to H because being with her made me actually consider the possibility for the first time in my life. 

I am not in any position to have kids though yet. I hope I am in the next couple of years. That would need me to snag a younger woman, but I don't have too much of an issue with that, tbh. I do fundamentally want a child, though, deep down. I would be a very good dad I think.

But **** to do, in reality before anything like that could happen. I need to be able to navigate my way around a lot of stuff first... a career, and dating, to be able to find a partner who wont end up hurting me.. that means a lot of self work (assertiveness, boundaries, and relationship skills, all being done right now), and a lot of work on my mental health issues (though tbh, I don't even like adopting that label now).

See how it all pans out.


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## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

Have always wanted the experience but it'll never happen. Pets only for me.


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## bassmaster (Jul 15, 2018)

Yes, but I’ll never find someone to have one with.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

harrison said:


> To me life is a gift that we're given and the world is an amazing place. Not something to be feared and avoided.


I really like this. Sometimes you live with 1 perspective for so long it's difficult to even imagine what a healthy one looks like. Thanks Harrison.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

EndTimes said:


> I sometimes will also blame "others" for my own problems. I guess it is a normal reaction when you went through a lot yourself. What I don't understand is this "hatred" some people her feel for children. As if they were nothing but trouble. Many people on this forum would actually benefit from having kids to take care off. Would keep their minds busy and make them feel less lonely. It certainly would give a purpose to my life.


 For the record, I don't actually hate kids. I just can't stand being around them because I'm hypersensitive to noise, sudden outbursts or sounds and hyperactivity. If you can handle them, afford them and raise them right, whatever. It's not a thing about hating kids. It's a thing about some people shouldn't have them and even if they'd do fine, the world already has more than enough people (and the result is not pleasant). So I'm not sure why anyone would do this on purpose. :lol


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Nope, not bringing someone into this prison planet is an act of kindness.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

funnynihilist said:


> Nope, not bringing someone into this prison planet is an act of kindness.


 I like you better every time you post. 

I like to say I'm a self-limiting natural disaster.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I like you better every time you post.
> 
> I like to say I'm a self-limiting natural disaster.


Taken from Reddit but so timely and true:

Parents are brainwashed and most of them give you the Pikachu face when you ask them why exactly they created children.

Unpopular opinion: only create children if you're actually going to make/buy them a house as well.

Yeah, I know "MuH LiFE LeSsOnS". But right now people are pretty much evil:

"I want to have a mini-me!"

Creates kid, kid born

"Awww so cuuuute!"

18 years later

"Hey! Lazy loser! Get out of my house! Go to work and pay for your own life!"


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*what was your standpoint about childbearing age 4 at school?*

me: NO! NEVER! same forever

i ain't religious. no concept of this weird word of love?

HUMAN BODIES! I never wanted any biological career. engineering. geoscience. 
hardhat industry. physics, rocks, control systems, electronics, oil rigs

too late for me.

how long would you like your pensioner state to continue past 100? me just getting about halfway


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## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

I'm an antinatalist, I don't want anyone to have children.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

funnynihilist said:


> Parents are brainwashed and most of them give you the Pikachu face when you ask them why exactly they created children.


Pikachu face :lol ..thanks for the laugh.

Lets be honest most only have children because otherwise their Jigglypuff & Squirtle would be sad :haha


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

SparklingWater said:


> I really like this. Sometimes you live with 1 perspective for so long it's difficult to even imagine what a healthy one looks like. Thanks Harrison.


Sorry, I don't think I got a notification about that - only just saw your post now.

In saying that - I'd be the first to admit I've lived quite a bit in "fear and avoidance", I'd say most people on here have if they're honest. But I also recognise that we aren't like most people - most people love life and are living it.

I love life too and I'm very glad I'm here - it often scares the hell out of me though.


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## White Shirt Guy (Sep 26, 2019)

I'm definitely not in a good spot to have a kid and it doesn't interest me. Plenty of other stuff to accomplish first before even thinking about it in the future.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I had two, and don't regret it. They are welcome to live here for the rest of their lives if they so choose to, they are not an obligation. I did not have kids because it was what society told me to do, I did not have them because my parents wanted grand children, I did not have kids to have little mini-mes running amok, although that would be pretty cool, perhaps one day I can clone myself and have him do all the chores as well as to form an army to take over the world (Who am I kidding, we all would be playing games). I had kids, because I love being part of a family. It could be considered selfish, which is where these threads always go, along with a lecture about how absolutely immoral it is to have kids.. that's fine, I'm selfish, and immoral. We did consider adoption, but after little investigation, it became apparent that it was expensive.. I really don't care about passing my genes on.

I'm not the perfect parent, I'm an incredibly flawed person, just like every other human being on the planet, but my kids enjoy life. I enjoy having a family, I can't relate to most people, never have been able to, the only people I have ever been able to really trust was family. That was the whole point of having a family, we had two kids so that after we pass away, they'll have each other, and also so they wouldn't feel lonely while growing up. 

I'm not going to try to push people to have kids or not to, it really is none of my business. I just hope whatever anyone does, they enjoy life


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

@zonebox

As one of the biggest complainers about too many people (who shouldn't) having kids, I don't want to take that away from you. I have said before that people who already have kids are not really what I have a problem with. Unless their kids don't have good parents and their parents wreck them and dump them with nothing when they turn 18. Which I have a big problem with.

It's great if you're a good parent and your kids are doing well. Believe me. My biggest thing is that I actually care about what kind of future the kids will have if they come into the world under less than ideal circumstances and have the deck stacked against them on top of that because they lost the genetic lottery. And then there is the problem that the kinds of people who do that to their kids are often abusive in other ways. So it's just a horrible situation for those kids all the way around.

I don't want people to not be happy. But I hope the people who have kids will also make their kids happy and help them lead happy, fulfilling and meaningful lives. I am just saying that when people reproduce, their time to think about themselves first is done. They should feel obligated to do absolutely anything it takes for their child. Maybe you do that. That's great. The problem is that for every one of you, there's probably 20 of the exact opposite. And sometimes their kids beat the odds. Cool. I want them to beat the odds. I really do. But then....sometimes they don't. And our society does not put the blame where it belongs. And that's unfortunate.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

@WillYouStopDave

I hope you don't think I was pointing at you with my post, I was just trying to cover all of the bases with my post. I have seen threads like this in the past, and have heard it all, so I wanted to try to touch on them with my post. This forum, is a really bad place to talk about having kids, it gets pretty crazy, and I have been accused of being incredibly immoral and selfish in the past, and told all of the things I listed for the sole reasons I had kids, so I wanted to put all of that stuff in there. You have never treated me in such a fashion, and have been pretty cool.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

zonebox said:


> @WillYouStopDave
> 
> I hope you don't think I was pointing at you with my post, I was just trying to cover all of the bases with my post.


 It's fine. Don't worry about it. Frankly, it's good to know that you're apparently doing it right.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

zonebox said:


> I had two, and don't regret it. They are welcome to live here for the rest of their lives if they so choose to, they are not an obligation. I did not have kids because it was what society told me to do, I did not have them because my parents wanted grand children, I did not have kids to have little mini-mes running amok, although that would be pretty cool, perhaps one day I can clone myself and have him do all the chores as well as to form an army to take over the world (Who am I kidding, we all would be playing games). I had kids, because I love being part of a family. It could be considered selfish, which is where these threads always go, along with a lecture about how absolutely immoral it is to have kids.. that's fine, I'm selfish, and immoral. We did consider adoption, but after little investigation, it became apparent that it was expensive.. I really don't care about passing my genes on.
> 
> I'm not the perfect parent, I'm an incredibly flawed person, just like every other human being on the planet, but my kids enjoy life. I enjoy having a family, I can't relate to most people, never have been able to, the only people I have ever been able to really trust was family. That was the whole point of having a family, we had two kids so that after we pass away, they'll have each other, and *also so they wouldn't feel lonely while growing up.
> *
> I'm not going to try to push people to have kids or not to, it really is none of my business. I just hope whatever anyone does, they enjoy life


That's great you had 2 mate - my son said a while ago he wished he'd had a brother or sister. Bit of a shame really but nothing we can do now.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

harrison said:


> That's great you had 2 mate - my son said a while ago he wished he'd had a brother or sister. Bit of a shame really but nothing we can do now.


My mom used to say the same thing to me, when I was younger. It is one of the reasons why she had four of us, she wanted us to have each other, it is ultimately why we had decided to have two children instead of just one. We could have spoiled one child, and devoted all of our attention to her, but my mother's words hung in the back of my mind so when we decided we were to have a family it would be two in the same age range. They are a great pair of kids too, they love one another and are always sticking out for each other.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

zonebox said:


> My mom used to say the same thing to me, when I was younger. It is one of the reasons why she had four of us, she wanted us to have each other, it is ultimately why we had decided to have two children instead of just one. We could have spoiled one child, and devoted all of our attention to her, but my mother's words hung in the back of my mind so when we decided we were to have a family it would be two in the same age range. They are a great pair of kids too, they love one another and are always sticking out for each other.


Yeah, I'm sure I probably spoilt my son - we both did. I think having a few kids is better really because the attention gets spread around more evenly - and they have to learn to deal with each other.

My boy has a few issues with his Mum - which I talk about a lot with him. It's amazing how kids can get the wrong idea about things as they're growing up. I realised the other day, and told him, that most of what he was telling me is actually based on a misunderstanding on his part. I won't go into the details - especially not on here, as you would most likely understand.

His views of things will change when he has kids of his own. It's only when you have kids that you realise what's involved with raising them. No-one can tell you what that's like - no matter how hard they try.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I'm actually pretty happy with my life. Having been in a few long term relationships, talked about it and thought about it a lot, and dated women with kids I know 100% that having kids would make me extremely unhappy. Parenthood is just not for me. I want to do what I want, when I want, I need lots of quiet time daily to recharge, and the life I have and want to continue to have for myself is just completely incompatible with having children. There's many more reasons, but that's the gist of it.

If you want them and can afford them by all means have some. As much as I don't understand it I guess other people don't understand why I don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

harrison said:


> Yeah, I'm sure I probably spoilt my son - we both did. I think having a few kids is better really because the attention gets spread around more evenly - and they have to learn to deal with each other.
> 
> My boy has a few issues with his Mum - which I talk about a lot with him. It's amazing how kids can get the wrong idea about things as they're growing up. I realised the other day, and told him, that most of what he was telling me is actually based on a misunderstanding on his part. I won't go into the details - especially not on here, as you would most likely understand.
> 
> His views of things will change when he has kids of his own. It's only when you have kids that you realise what's involved with raising them. No-one can tell you what that's like - no matter how hard they try.


I sometimes wonder what it would be like just having one kid, how she would have turned out, if it would have been better or worst for her, it really can be quite the mind trip and that is the thing about being a parent, you always are questioning everything you do, if it was the right thing or the wrong thing. But then of course, I feel bad for even thinking that, because I love my second daughter as well. I tell ya, it gets pretty complicated :lol

So far, I have been pretty lucky, both of my kids are really understanding, they are incredibly empathetic, and we have not run into any major misunderstandings, but they are still pretty young the eldest being a young teenager. This has long been a concern of mine, that they may grow to resent us, in some ways I have been expecting it as that seems to be typical with growing into an adult, but they both have just been unusually understanding, it is crazy!

And yes, I do understand, it is not just here but everywhere. Being a parent, is an assured way to be scrutinized by others, and please, no one here think that I am laying judgement on you, it is just a fact of life. Fellow parents do it, grand parents do it, childless people do it, everything you do, will be evaluated and judged, and people will do their best to use you as a means to elevate their own standing with others on the scale of morality. That is just human nature. For those of you that are considering having kids, and have SA, it really is difficult in this aspect, but you must always realize it is not the opinion of others, but your own children that matters most. You Harrison, have been an excellent parent, and I can tell you that on the basis of the relationship you have with your son to this day  Well done


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

zonebox said:


> . You Harrison, have been an excellent parent, and I can tell you that on the basis of the relationship you have with your son to this day  Well done


Thanks - we're very close. But I think no matter what you do there'll probably be something they think they could have done better. That is until they have kids of their own. 

As far as what anyone else thinks about it all - I couldn't care less. What he thinks matters though, and my wife of course.


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## Omni-slash (Feb 10, 2016)

Considering the precious commodity we're dealing with, that is, sentience and the potential for suffering, I'd hope any human content on imposing sentience on another being would have a reasonably thought out justification for it, especially considering the tail of genetic history that follows from mental illness. There are some problems with the notion, just on a visceral level, but even more so philosophically. The most obvious one being Benatar's Asymmetry:

_Pleasure is good, and pain is bad. The absence of pain is good, even if there is nobody to directly benefit from that good. But the absence of pleasure is not bad, unless there already exists someone to be deprived of that pleasure. As such, you can never cause harm to a nonexistent being, whereas some level of harm is guaranteed for an existent being. Therefore, you are harming someone by bringing them into existence._

All of this is of course contingent on the parameters set, i.e. pleasure is good, and pain is bad.

Most people don't consider any of this when they have children, however, as it's fundamentally a selfish act. No one has a child for the child's sake. The very notion is ludicrous.


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## discopotato (Dec 24, 2016)

I used to hate the idea of marrying and having children but I've had a change of heart in recent years and remain open minded. and now, I have met the love of my life, who does want kids and marriage so I guess its not beyond the realms of possibility.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

discopotato said:


> I used to hate the idea of marrying and having children but I've had a change of heart in recent years and remain open minded. and now, I have met the love of my life, who does want kids and marriage so I guess its not beyond the realms of possibility.


That is awesome.


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## TheCourier1991 (Oct 27, 2019)

I don't dislike children but in my state (physically and mentally) it would be a terrible idea to have any children. lol


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

It seems like a milestone or an event that happens in one's life.. but at this point, I don't think it's for me and I definitely couldn't take care of a child and have it turn out to be a happy kid. It would definitely have the best grandma though. And possibly no dad, because I don't have that set up either.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I have always been pretty neutral on the idea. Really no strong feelings either way. I don't see it being something I'd ever have to seriously think about anyways.


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## PurplePeopleEater (May 10, 2017)

Hell no. I like my free time and laugh at people that think its selfish to not want any.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

PurplePeopleEater said:


> Hell no. I like my free time and laugh at people that think its selfish to not want any.


 To be honest, that whole thing about it being selfish always seemed pretty sadistic to me. How the hell is it selfish to prevent suffering? People can be so friggin stupid sometimes.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

PurplePeopleEater said:


> Hell no. I like my free time and laugh at people that think its selfish to not want any.


It should be laughed at because it's a silly thing to say. Being selfish would imply putting your needs before others. Who would the others be exactly? Hypothetical, unborn people? Like their souls are waiting in some kind of queue to be installed in baby bodies? By that logic the ones that are having them should be having them back to back until they're no longer able to reproduce, otherwise they're being selfish and depriving people from being born.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurplePeopleEater (May 10, 2017)

WillYouStopDave said:


> To be honest, that whole thing about it being selfish always seemed pretty sadistic to me. How the hell is it selfish to prevent suffering? People can be so friggin stupid sometimes.


I agree. It's not selfish to not want something that doesnt exist in the first place. :stu
@JH1983 :lol That is true.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I usually feel left out of these discussions because it seems like everyone just sides with one extreme or another and then assumes everyone feels that way (which tbh is probably true of most discussions online.)

I don't think it's immoral to have kids in general, or at least if it is I don't really give a ****. (I'm hardly a paragon of morality myself. You know that scene from Brooklyn 99 when Terry and Boyle ask Rosa to go to her 'happy place,' and it turns out to be this violent fantasy? Beginning of this video. That's sort of how my brain works a lot of the time.) I think it's wrong to have them if you can't financially or emotionally support them, if you have serious mental health issues that impact their lives and most of all if you're incapable of being a decent parent. I feel like that should be common sense and it's not about being diagnosed with or having certain traits it's the overall sum of your ability to be a decent parent.

I do consider it a moral act that I won't be having kids, so it does annoy me when people seem to look down on people like me because they think I'm looking down on them or because I'm like them because we're both on an anxiety forum when I'm not, since it's not that I don't want them (at least on some level, and I've thought about it on/off. I'm a bit too disconnected from reality to want anything that much anymore,) just that it would be a bad idea. I am not able to support myself, I have serious emotional issues (see schizoid personality disorder which I have numerous traits of along with other issues/symptoms/'bad traits.')

I'm genderqueer. I think it would be almost impossible for me to find a partner I'm comfortable with and attracted to irl and I've never been very interested in being a single parent. The process of giving birth and having children biologically has also always bothered me so then I'd have to find a surrogate to have biological children (unless my partner was female, at this point I have no idea what form an 'ideal partner' would take but it seems unlikely they would be.) Even if I could somehow just make myself go through the whole process I don't have a lot of time left because I'm 28. Nature is kind of a ***** and the older you are the 1. harder it is to conceive 2. More likely children will be born with disabilities. It becomes increasingly inadvisable after 35 years old. There's no way I'd be allowed to adopt either. Then on top of that, people who are outside of the status quo who raise children get abuse, particularly if they raise children in a 'genderqueer environment' the tribe will attack you for it.

I'm also aware that quite a bit of my desire at this point, given my lack of emotional connection to reality, is motivated by a narcissistic drive to 'leave some presence of myself behind' which is the _worst _ reason to have children.

Also to be honest children in general make me pretty uncomfortable because of my anxiety and emotional stuntedness, and lack of experience with them, so I'm not sure how that'd work out. I feel like I inherited most of the worst parts of both my parents - particularity lots of negative traits from my dad.

There's probably other things that I could add to this post but that's a bunch of it. So while there is that whole nihilistic person who had bad life and doesn't want to have children, and is now an antinatalist sentiment around that's not really the whole story for everyone and I say this as someone pretty misanthropic too.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*whatever comes out*

cook it

eat it


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

twitchy666 said:


> cook it
> 
> eat it


Recycling ?


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

I feel like i've yet to even live my own life. If i had children the possibility of that ever happening would certainly vanish. Not to mention the world is populated enough. Everyone should do their part to stop global warming and not breed.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've never gave much thought to having children. I guess I always knew that I would never be in any relationships.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I wanted kids. I actually think I'd make a great parent. Y'know, aside from being crazy. But it was never really an option for me.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

I'd love to have some but most likely never will.


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## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

No


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## Andlovegrewup (Feb 23, 2019)

Nope, and never.


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## Mat adamson (Jan 3, 2020)

Yes I have twin girls and it's great I wouldn't change anything apart from my sad


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## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Yeah I want children.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Sometimes I feel like it wont happen for me. And I dont really feel the need to have kids. However my mom wants me to so theres that 😂

If I was in a commited relationship and stuff yeah I'd want kids.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

funnynihilist said:


> Nope, not bringing someone into this prison planet is an act of kindness.


This


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I have one son but I wish I had about 4 more. Actually a couple of daughters would have been nice - I would have eventually let them out of their rooms (probably when they got to about 35) so they could come and look after me.

(don't worry - attempt at humour again)

A couple of daughters would have been nice though. :roll


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## leaf in the wind (Mar 28, 2017)

harrison said:


> I have one son but I wish I had about 4 more. Actually a couple of daughters would have been nice - I would have eventually let them out of their rooms (probably when they got to about 35) so they could come and look after me.
> 
> (don't worry - attempt at humour again)
> 
> A couple of daughters would have been nice though. :roll


I was thinking about this again recently! Baby talk in the air between me and my friends (late twenties women).

I thought I'd want _one_, but two at minimum so they have a companion. And now I think I'd actually want three :eyes


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Sure, like 1 or 2.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*money first*

or other way round?

i been asking my 30 years senior bro what parents' occupation on birth cert cos i know mine. (retired) my baptism was father only.

my outright reason for SA was born to retired, grandparent parents.

we have no parents or other brother now. they all gone. bro 1997, mum 2006, Dad 2016


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Pretty sure I will have already posted here, but yeh, I still want children. I have matured a lot over the last year, I could probably actually handle it now.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

leaf in the wind said:


> I was thinking about this again recently! *Baby talk in the air between me and my friends (late twenties women).*
> 
> I thought I'd want _one_, but two at minimum so they have a companion. And now I think I'd actually want three :eyes


Well, as usual I was being a bit silly there. (I'm either being silly or angry lately and I've been taking my medication so I'm no longer angry) :roll

It's not a popular subject on here (as in SAS) - as I think I mentioned to you before. (and then promptly deleted the comment) Many people here hate kids - it's one of the things that annoys me about this forum - there's plenty of other things though, mind you it doesn't take much to annoy me sometimes.

I'll be frank with you - I think you know I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings and I don't. It's a pretty big deal bringing kids into the world - and you need to be sure you can look after them and that you're partner is going to be responsible and play his/her part.

I'm being pretty presumptious here - and I'm sorry. But you've openly talked about your problems with your partner on here quite a bit, so I hope that doesn't offend you.

Mind you - I had no idea what I was doing when my son was born. I often have no idea what I'm doing. It seems to be a very consistent trend in my life. :roll

Fortunately my wife _does_ actually know what she's doing. That's one of the reasons I keep calling her.


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## James10145 (Dec 20, 2019)

*.*

Maybe later in life


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## leaf in the wind (Mar 28, 2017)

harrison said:


> Well, as usual I was being a bit silly there. (I'm either being silly or angry lately and I've been taking my medication so I'm no longer angry) :roll
> 
> It's not a popular subject on here (as in SAS) - as I think I mentioned to you before. (and then promptly deleted the comment) Many people here hate kids - it's one of the things that annoys me about this forum - there's plenty of other things though, mind you it doesn't take much to annoy me sometimes.
> 
> ...


Yeah I know, this isn't the place to talk about having children. The normies' forums are better for this.

I wouldn't have kids unless I could stand a chance at giving them a good life - materially and emotionally. I was utterly bereft in my upbringing (abusive, toxic parents who hated each other and treated me like their third spouse since I was a toddler)... I would rather smother dead my own kid than to put them through something like that.

Not bringing kids into the world when you cannot provide for them is an act of selflessness and love... things I wish my own folks had.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

leaf in the wind said:


> Yeah I know, this isn't the place to talk about having children. *The normies' forums are better for this.
> *
> I wouldn't have kids unless I could stand a chance at giving them a good life - materially and emotionally. I was utterly bereft in my upbringing (abusive, toxic parents who hated each other and treated me like their third spouse since I was a toddler)... I would rather smother dead my own kid than to put them through something like that.
> 
> Not bringing kids into the world when you cannot provide for them is an act of selflessness and love... things I wish my own folks had.


Actually any forum other than this one - or maybe ones for people with avoidant personality disorder (they seem to hate people too as a reflex or defence action against the way they view society, so I imagine they also would be against having children.)

It's weird how I got stuck on this forum - a bipolar one would be better, although I do have quite serious social anxiety as well. Bipolar people have no dislike of children or other people in general. There's very little hatred on them in general actually - no blaming society or anything else they can think of either. They just accept that they have a mental illness.

I guess it's understandable. I compared it once to those guys on incel forums that have just made up their minds women are all terrible - because they can't get one or haven't had a gf. It's obviously not my place to judge (although I do) - hatred is just a very unpleasant trait, so it gets a bit hard to take. Plus to me it always seems like a cop-out.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Can't imagine ever being in a situation where having children would be a reasonable option to consider. For that reason, I can't rule it out completely -- because the "me" who would be in a position to make such a choice would be an entirely different "me" whose thoughts I can't imagine, and thus my own lack of interest in kids doesn't necessarily mean anything to him. And I've had basically no experience with children, since I was avoiding them even when I was one, so it's theoretically possible that experience could change my opinion.

But if the question is addressed to this me, then no chance.


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## fluorish (Sep 24, 2016)

Cletis said:


> I'd love to have some but most likely never will.


This. And if I never do I would definetly consider adoption


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## sabbath9 (Dec 30, 2014)

We've been married 27 years and have no children. Plus we have no pets.


If we win the lottery and become rich we might adopt, otherwise forget it.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Isn't that what neurotypical life is for? Males targeting women to impregnate? Here women think they're in control of their destiny when the control lies in the males' pants all along! Maybe it's the male's heart - pelvic chakra connection? Would be nice, I am confident when she's by my side


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

No. Did you know there is such a thing as childfree and childless living? So many people are like Tom Hanks in Big and act like children in the office and jump in bed with their coworkers, no kids in sight! Anyway, personally I am a maladaptive person and the idea of having kids myself makes me throw up. I don't think I would be fertile anyway, I'm a sick individual and my desire to not have any would hinder their growth and attachment to my womb, I shall think so. 

I mean I like my sister's kids and the times I spent with them, but otherwise I hope there was a way to stop it from shoving in my face. I get it on my facebook timeline and in the group messages on my phone. It's like the whole world revolves around her! Anyway, I used to be like that too on Prozac, the whole world revolved around me and my autistic thinking! Fear not, now I can think about other people too before my own ego!

Anyway I don't see myself having kids, I am very maladaptive even with cognitive behavioral therapy, I can see what it's trying to do to me. The therapy tweaks your maladaptive behavior into hopefully adaptive ones! But as long as you can see behind the process then you'll continue to hinder any progress and you will be free in maladaptive lifestyles. 

And also I have this innate disgust in me about procreating even, I don't like to waste resources and kill the planet that's why moving out and making my own family doesn't come to me at all! I don't want it! It was already too much to move from my home country and use resources and already too much my own family having too many children, why does the society expect me to follow in the paths already taken!? It's too much for me, it feels suffocating!

Oh also I noticed that my sister's new baby was just to keep her busy while her first kid went to school. Surely no one noticed that but I do, I always do the math! I came to realize that people love schedules and order and something to do which is why they have families and 100 children, just in case. Otherwise they'd have no reason to live! 

But at least I have reasons to live which are maladaptive and fantastic fantasies. Ain't nothing wrong with that, I tell you! I am living proof that you can be different in your family and own it! I would be burnt out with a family and 100 children, promise. Hmm maybe she is extrovert and wants to fit in society's mold. Whereas I do not. But anyway, please be yourself, which means continue being maladaptive and confusing society.


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## zkv (Feb 18, 2020)

Oh no, that would be a bad idea. Even if I become a normal member of society, I don't see myself as a future parent. Mostly, anyway, I guess I _did_ play a bit with the idea in my head at some point but after imagining what would happen if everything went well, I imagine if everything went wrong. And that scenario scares the living **** out of me. Plus my genes most likely aren't very good.

Oh and I think adoption is good and people should have one biological kid to replace themselves, and one to replace their partner. Less than that is better.

lol 'adoption is good', these are my thoughts. :lol


zonebox said:


> I did not have kids to have little mini-mes running amok, *although that would be pretty cool,*


I know this was a while ago, but it made laugh for real. Just didn't expect it.


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