# With my crush ^.^



## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

*There seems to be some confusion in recent replies. It's over guys. Has been for quite a while now. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'll still keep the contents of this OP here just in case anyone would ever want to see what I wrote.
 
*

(Please take the time to read if you are going to reply. The background information is important)

June the ninth of 2015 will be a day that will never escape my mind. let's get into the details.

After many months of texting and talking to my crush...yes the "one," thing's have finally gone North.

The school year was coming to a close and I pretty much figured I may not be seeing her next year anyway so what's the worst that can happen? I confessed my feelings for her, but not in the grand romantic gesture type of way I was hoping to. I basically texted her saying that I have had feelings for her for over four years and if you didn't feel the same way and wanted to stay buddies then I would be completely fine with that.

Something happened in the next minute that almost have.me a heart attack.

She admitted to liking me as well, and also being too shy to tell me. She's liked.me for four yeas as well. I actually slapped myself in the face because I honestly did not believe this was real life...

Oh but it was. We texted for two hours then spent and hour taking on he.phone. it was midnight and we both still didn't want to stop talking to each other. This feeling was crazy. A girl...wanted to talk to me for hours at a time....and I wanted to do the same...

I also confessed to my introverted and loner ways. I told her how I never go out or do anything. I had to, since I know she's a very outgoing and active.person socially speaking. She said that over the summer she was going to completely and totally change who I was. She was going to drag me out of.my house if she had to. But I think having a few panic attacks is worth it if I get to be with her...

My avoidant personality disorder is going to really get on the way of this, but I'm going to work now to fight it. This is something that only happens once in a teens life. I have to make this work.

Maybe over this summer when she drags me off to this Youth program she's in I may overcome my SA. I don't know. I really hope exposure helps...

So that is all. My dream has finally come true. I have found a girl that both enjoys talking to me and wants to fix me and make me a better person. If my SA and AvPD ruin this...no I won't let it ruin this. I want a social life. Want friends and a girl. I will somehow overcome this...and all because of her...

So yeah. If you guys have any advice at all on how to stop being a boring, introverted loner who can't even leave the house and become a confident, outgoing normal person, than please share. Anything will help me at this point. I need to completely get out of this depressive, socially anxious rut and I know she can't do it alone, since I can't make any effort to change myself on my own. I don't want to seem extremely boring to her like I am to everyone else.

When we talked on the phone last night, there are tons of awkward silences and she was basically carrying the conversation while I added in comments when I felt it was right. I don't want that. I want to be like her and be able to talk endlessly about my life and my life stories (though I seriously don't have either. I never leave the house so how do I even get funny or interesting life stories?) and I'm afraid she'll get bored of me soon, even if she does like me this much...

Help me guys...I'm tired of being so socially retarded and I'm tried of literally having panic attacks when thinking about leaving the house. I *want *to change but I don't know how...

But other than that, yes. This is a triumph, I'd say...


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

This...is...awesome!

Advice? No...because you've already acted like a boss!

Just keep letting your heart drive your actions and you'll continue being just fine.

Woot!


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

KyleInSTL said:


> This...is...awesome!
> 
> Advice? No...because you've already acted like a boss!
> 
> ...


Thanks man! Hope my heart isn't stupid...


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## starsfire (May 11, 2015)

Yay. Thats so cool! i really hope things go good. You will probily enjoy being with her so much that you wont notice all the things that make your sa worse. I wouldnt worry just enjoy your time with her.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

I'm really proud of you for accomplishing so much! Good things can happen when you push your courage.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

GGTFM said:


> ! Good things can happen when you push your courage.


And that's exactly what I did many months ago when I first texted her...:clap


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## indiscipline (May 24, 2015)

****ing awesome, buddy. Good to hear. And don't freak out about it, you must have done _something_ right to make her like you in the first place, right? Just keep doing... well, whatever it is you've done so far. Might wanna address taking the exposure in smaller steps though so you don't get overwhelmed... I'm sure she'll get it. Keep pushing!


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## normalsucksbutsodoesSA (Apr 2, 2015)

I'm in tears literally. (ok only a few)
That is really amazing man. I hope you work hard to improve yourself and have fun with an amazing girl.
I'm jealous lol  but immensely happy for you


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

indiscipline said:


> *Might wanna address taking the exposure in smaller steps though so you don't get overwhelmed.*.. I'm sure she'll get it. Keep pushing!


Yeah, I don't want to go all in all at once in such a short period of time. Stretch it out over a few years, baby steps...


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## tidbit (May 13, 2015)

Wow, that's excellent! Good for you!  It's great you told her about your SA and AvPD, it probably helped her understand how you act and react to social situations. So don't feel too pressured to be extroverted and outgoing, it will happen overtime and she sounds like she is willing to help you out. 
Wish you the best of luck!


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

tidbit said:


> Wow, that's excellent! Good for you!  It's great you told her about your SA and AvPD, it probably helped her understand how you act and react to social situations. So don't feel too pressured to be extroverted and outgoing, it will happen overtime and she sounds like she is willing to help you out.
> Wish you the best of luck!


Haha, yeah. She does seem to want to help me.
I didn't flat out say I had SA and AvPD, just mentioned how going into big groups (like that Youth Group) would make me extremely nervous and that I suck at meeting new people and stuff like that. But I think I got my point across.


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## Denislav Minev (May 28, 2015)

That's great man. I told you not to lose hope. You never know what might happen in this life hahaha. Good luck with the girl and get better mate.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I have the same story. Actually this happened to my multiple times in my teens. They all gave up on my SA *** though. People couldn't take my shyness. Good luck. Don't **** it up like I did.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Imbored21 said:


> I have the same story. Actually this happened to my multiple times in my teens. They all gave up on my SA *** though. People couldn't take my shyness. Good luck. Don't **** it up like I did.


Yeah, I hope I'll find some way to overcome them or at least have it work with a relationship. They're both pretty bad as of now.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Oh my god ;_; this is one of the best things I've ever read on this forum. You seem to put yourself down a lot in posts, and seemed generally unhappy, so it's good to hear that this has gone well for you. And I am envious but still happy for you.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Oh my god ;_; this is one of the best things I've ever read on this forum. You seem to put yourself down a lot in posts, and seemed generally unhappy, so it's good to hear that this has gone well for you. And I am envious but still happy for you.


Let's hope it all goes well. :clap


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## Penguinfan (Apr 5, 2015)

Wow, that is amazing! Great job on your accomplishment. I felt bad for you seeing your threads on here because they were always talking about just how bad your social anxiety is. I'm really happy to hear that and everything goes great with you and your crush. The only thing I can say as a suggestion is to talk to people and talk a lot.


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

This is indeed a great news.

Same thing happened to me and then girl found out i had SA/mental probelsm.

Lasted 2 weeks.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

im so happy for you icod, you see, good things do happen for people like us. some advice i would give is to find out some hobbies and interests shes involved in. you can gain some knowledge on these subjects, so once those awkward pauses happen, you can bring up these subjects to carry the conversation forward.. good luck with everything and tell us how it goes.


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Finding out it was mutual is an awesome feeling. You can do it! Don't feel pressure to improve overnight. Good luck and have fun with it (=


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

Oh man it's such an awesome feeling when your crush likes you back!
I'm always glad to see peeps on SAS being happy like this, everyone deserves to be happy you know =]


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

iCod said:


> (Please take the time to read if you are going to reply. The background information is important)
> 
> June the ninth of 2015 will be a day that will never escape my mind. let's get into the details.
> 
> ...


Hey, congrats man! It must feel utterly electric. Am I right? xD

All I can really say is try and maintain your determined attitude. You need something like that to overcome something like SA, if it can even be overcome. Some believe that SA can't be overcome, only managed, but whatever you believe, it can definitely be reduced to manageable levels. Good luck.


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## Joey315 (Dec 18, 2014)

Good job Icod!


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

You'll get more things to talk about when you start doing things with her(your problem is that nothing happens in your life). It can be really good to have someone who forces you over the edge. Noone can "fix you" but yourself, though. Remember that. Really... remember that.


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## olifreed (Mar 23, 2015)

Happy for you well done! Dont mess things up like I've done several times... Take it slowly and ease into things. Soon you'll be very comfortable hanging out just you and her wherever  Im jealous ngl haha


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

ShatteredGlass said:


> Hey, congrats man! It must feel utterly electric. Am I right? xD
> 
> All I can really say is try and maintain your determined attitude. You need something like that to overcome something like SA, if it can even be overcome. Some believe that SA can't be overcome, only managed, but whatever you believe, it can definitely be reduced to manageable levels. Good luck.


Yeah. I feel like if I rough through this Summer then not only will I have reduced my SA and AvPD significantly, but also will have gotten closer to my GF. I just have to make through the first week or two if this Youth Program thing, and I think I'll start to feel comfortable in that environment, especially with her there...(Thanks for that advice BTW  )

Hope I can do this.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

olifreed said:


> Happy for you well done! Dont mess things up like I've done several times... Take it slowly and ease into things. Soon you'll be very comfortable hanging out just you and her wherever  Im jealous ngl haha


My biggest fear as of the moment, or concern I should say, is that I still have immense difficulty keeping a conversation flowing.

We talked for two hours last night, and she did more than the majority of the talking. She was r
Telling me stories from her life and I just basically went, "mhm, yeah, really? Wow.." The whole time. I felt awful that I couldn't even contribute to the conversation nor share any of my life.stories because, well, I really don't have any...

But as an above.poster said, as we do more things together we'll have.more things to talk about, and then maybe I can start actually talking for once, lol....


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## LookOutTheWindow (May 15, 2015)

I haven't been on the forum for long, but I've seen posts from you here and there. I'm very happy things a taking a turn for the better, I'm happy for you man!...May the force be with you!


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## olifreed (Mar 23, 2015)

iCod said:


> My biggest fear as of the moment, or concern I should say, is that I still have immense difficulty keeping a conversation flowing.
> 
> We talked for two hours last night, and she did more than the majority of the talking. She was r
> Telling me stories from her life and I just basically went, "mhm, yeah, really? Wow.." The whole time. I felt awful that I couldn't even contribute to the conversation nor share any of my life.stories because, well, I really don't have any...
> ...


You don't need stories to make conversation. Get to know her first with like favorite food, films, TV shows, etc. ask about her family. That will help you make conversation and make it flow


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

olifreed said:


> You don't need stories to make conversation. Get to know her first with like favorite food, films, TV shows, etc. ask about her family. That will help you make conversation and make it flow


I already know most of that. I guess just as we talk more I'll learn how to get it going longer.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap

Yay!! It took courage to tell her and you cared for her enough to take a chance. I believe you have more in you than you realize. You will do well. Congratulations! This thread has made my day. :laugh:


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## rosecolored (May 13, 2012)

Awesome! Just keep pushing, this sounds like a turning point. It's amazing that she wants to help you out, not many people would care to do that. It's cliche, but if you see someone you want to talk to, push yourself to smile and say hey. Then follow up with a question like "have you been here before?". You can plan some questions beforehand.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

I must admit at first I felt jealous of you, but now your story has inspired me. I find you and I to be incredibly similar and if you can get a GF I surely can. I wish you luck in this relationship man


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Congrats man! Good to hear.



iCod said:


> (Please take the time to read if you are going to reply. The background information is important)
> 
> June the ninth of 2015 will be a day that will never escape my mind. let's get into the details.
> 
> ...


Sorry to be a downer, but this may be a bit of a potential red flag to me. Seems like she wants to change you and may end up being frustrated if she doesn't succeed. Just keep that in mind. I hope it works out for you though.


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)




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## keyboardsmahshfwa (Apr 22, 2014)

Wow, I'm genuinely super happy for you! :clap Don't underestimate yourself, that'll only hold you back from taking this triumph a step further. I'm sure you're so much better than how you describe yourself in your other threads. If that weren't the case, then none of this would be happening right now. There's obviously something about you that she really likes, so you should be feeling great.


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## chinaski (Mar 1, 2010)

good luck, dude.


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## literatureboy (Jun 1, 2014)

Hopefully things will go well. Social anxiety has ruined my life so I am glad to see it hasn't ruined yours. Maybe I am just too weak to overcome it. Good luck! I wish you the best!


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

chinaski said:


> good luck, dude.


that's pretty much what it felt like :laugh:


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## Vilanelle (Jul 22, 2013)

well. 
that's 
awesome


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Vilanelle said:


> well.
> that's
> awesome


Oh wow, forgot about this thread...Damn was I happy back then.
No, it's over now. But thanks for your support m8 :laugh:


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## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

What I can't comprehend is how someone can talk to someone, especially a member of the opposite gender, for an hour. On a phone. Where are these social skills developed?


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

NoHobbies said:


> What I can't comprehend is how someone can talk to someone, especially a member of the opposite gender, for an hour. On a phone. Where are these social skills developed?


Noo you don't understand. She talked for the hour. I merely listened and occasionally added in my introverted, socially inept vocabulary, which conisists of "oh really?" "damn." "cool." "interesting." <--- that's used the most.

1 hour is nothing apparently. When we used to talk she told me she spent 8 hours one time talking to her friend. Like, seriously?!


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## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

I can't talk for 1 minute without lulls or without saying something stupid.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

How did you met her if you don't leave your house?


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

The Sorrow said:


> How did you met her if you don't leave your house?


School.


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

iCod said:


> Oh wow, forgot about this thread...Damn was I happy back then.
> No, it's over now. But thanks for your support m8 :laugh:


Sorry, man.What happened? She didn't keep up to her promise?


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

AmbiValenzia said:


> Sorry, man.What happened? She didn't keep up to her promise?


It's a little complicated and personal.
To put it simply, it was one of those "It's not you, it's me." Type of dump.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

iCod said:


> It's a little complicated and personal.
> To put it simply, it was one of those "It's not you, it's me." Type of dump.


I know how you feel man. It hurts. Sorry can't really offer any words of encouragement.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

But then you do leave your house for school???


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## gumballhead (Jun 8, 2011)

Congratulations, man. Took guts to lay it all on the line like that. Sometimes that's the way it has to be, you just gotta say "To hell with it" and take a shot. Not just with love interests, but with anything else that you're afraid to do. I'm one to talk, but usually when I "just do it" the results are better than doing nothing. I hope you two are very happy together!
Oh, um guess I should have read every post in this thread before commenting. Now I'm embarrassed....But hey, at least you gave it a try, so try again!


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## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

I'm so sorry to hear that, but don't let that break up make you too sad. Relationships at our age usually doesn't last very long anyway. Try to look at the bright side you atleast managed to get in a relationship even if it ended fast.


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## Almighty101 (Jun 28, 2015)

Oh God, I am so happy for you. This is like the greatest triump.


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## Zyriel (May 20, 2011)

Need to celebrate sir, with a nice:


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

wow thats so amazing, you found someone who was interested enough in you to care for you like that, despite the anxiety and lack of sociall life. thats amazing.


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## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

You failed, but you tried. I admire that


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Great. Then you guys can hold hands and skip afterwards.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Oh God these positive replies hurt knowing that it only lasted a week and she hasn't really even spoken to me since, nor has she given me a reason as to why it ended.
But..still thanks I guess?


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

iCod said:


> Oh God these positive replies hurt knowing that it only lasted a week and she hasn't really even spoken to me since, nor has she given me a reason as to why it ended.
> But..still thanks I guess?


Mate aleast you had the balls to tell her and now you know you can do it keep doing it


NoHobbies said:


> What I can't comprehend is how someone can talk to someone, especially a member of the opposite gender, for an hour. On a phone. Where are these social skills developed?


Haha same im flat out saying hello when i am 1 meter away from them


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

mike91 said:


> Mate aleast you had the balls to tell her and now you know you can do it keep doing it


She really was the only girl I was interested in for the past four or so years. I really didn't like anyone else but her. Now she's gone and...I just feel so empty... :/


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

identificationunknown said:


> This is indeed a great news.
> 
> Same thing happened to me and then girl found out i had SA/mental probelsm.
> 
> Lasted 2 weeks.


what did i say?

it doesnt work for ppl with anxiety.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

identificationunknown said:


> This is indeed a great news.
> 
> Same thing happened to me and then girl found out i had SA/mental probelsm.
> 
> Lasted 2 weeks.


Twice as long as mine m8.:crying:


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