# Being bullied by housemates



## southerngothic (Sep 5, 2017)

Hi so I'm a 19 year old girl studying at university in England. I live with one guy and two other girls. I took over the contract of another girl to live there, so I essentially moved in with strangers. However, I met up with them a few times in the summer to get to know them so it wouldn't be too awkward.

Flashforward to September, university starts up again. They keep asking me to go out with them on nights out, drinking and stuff, but it's not really my thing so I politely decline. They're pretty respectful, don't go near my stuff and even if they are a little loud when they come back from a night out, it's nothing major. I try and be as friendly with them as I can though I'm very much living a separate life.

School starts getting busy so I'm spending more time either in my room or at university and I see them less and less. This doesn't both me so much. The guy housemate was always kind of weird around me because I took over the housing contract from his ever girlfriend but now he just doesn't speak to me at all. It's like I don't exist. One of the girls kicked off about the state of the kitchen and bathroom and it seemed to be targeted at me personally, even though I keep 90% of my mess in my room, always wash my dirty plates straight away, etc. I say I'll try and be more diligent with cleaning and I've been honouring that, but they both have fewer lectures than me and most of it is there mess so it seems a bit redundant to blame someone else.

All of a sudden, maybe the beginning of October, the night out stuff got worse. For one, one of my housemates love to play her awful bass music from 3PM until midnight almost every night: sometimes longer. I've asked her to turn it down before but she doesn't seem to care. I wouldn't mind her playing music but it's so loud (I can hear it clearly from my room down the hall as if the speaker is in my room) and she plays it for so long (plus all the same songs over and over! haha) The worst night was when they had some friends round for a birthday. I said hi to the guests but was sick that day so stayed in bed most of the day. They came home from a night out at 2AM and started blasting music when they _knew_ I was sick. The first thing I heard when I came in was "Hi [male roommate]! Hi [me] I don't like you!" Obviously this is a horrible thing to hear in your own home and especially when you are sick.

I am a very non-confrontational person, in fact because of past trauma it scares me very deeply to confront people about things, but I was also incredibly upset by the behaviour so I said something to my housemates. One of the housemates said it was their friend that shouted it who was very drunk and they told her off straight away because they didn't agree with what she was saying. It felt like a non-apology but I was glad to bring it up so they didn't think I could just be walked all over. However, it did bring up fears that the housemates had been talking behind my back. How had this girl who had interacted with me for about 5 minutes tops gotten such a dislike for me?

Well, I woke up a few days ago to my housemate on the phone to some saying, "Oh she just stays in her room all the time, the depressed *****!" Which sent my anxiety through the roof. I had to wait until they were out of the house to even leave my room to pee (bathroom/toilet is downstairs through the living room.) It's getting to the point where I don't want to leave my room at all when they're in the house! This isn't the first time I've heard things said about me, I've overheard them complaining because I moved some washing out of the washer to use it and because I don't help out with chores apparently (even though that was the day I cleaned the whole kitchen and put the rubbish out.) They seem to go quiet when I walk into a room too (especially with guests around) or they just pretend I don't exist completely.

I do stay in my room a lot but only because 1) I like my own company and 2) they've made me feel unwelcome in the rest of the house! They seem to hate that I don't go out drinking with them but I hate clubbing and besides, why do they care? We're all adults, I should be able to live my life how I like it. It's not impacting on them, not in the way they constantly disrupt my sleep (I have to sleep with headphones in most nights) or talk about me behind my back (even when they know I'm in the house!)

There just seems to be no respect for me and it's making me miserable. I have one friend from university who's been taking pity on me and letting me hide at her house a few nights out of the week but most of the time I have to go back there to sleep. Some people have suggested moving out but I'm still looking for a job and my savings are abysmal, I really can't afford to pay £200 just to get out of my stupid contract! People have suggested just staying out as much as possible and only going home to sleep but it feels so horrible not to be able to just relax or study in my own home! Especially when I'm paying so much for it!

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for coping with this kind of situation? My dad suggested that I just kick off with them, try and show them they can't mess me around but I'm afraid to escalate the situation any further....


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## noonecares (Oct 12, 2017)

Why do you care what they think of you? Are they really that important to you? Just let them say what they want. If they start physical violence against you then it's time for you to start taking actions


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

They might not be the most pleasant people to live with but that is not bullying.


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## Sarah567 (Nov 11, 2017)

Hiya my son experienced the same thing in his first year at Uni. If this is just for this academic year try to ride it out. Next year you can go into Halls or get a share with some of your course mates or any friends you have made.
They all sound a sorry bunch of idiots who if undergrads too will likely fail their year! As I said my son put up with a houseful of dirty, untidy, noisey selfish idiots. Get some earplugs at the chemist, wear headphones with relaxing music if they are banging around and buy a flask and spend ages in the library most uni libraries on campus open all night. If they are all students too and maybe first years they probably are a bit wild as they are free of parental control, tasting freedom for the first time makes them wild. Just don't mind them, concentrate on your course which is almost half an academic year now and you will be ok. My son had gangs chasing his housemates back from nights out with knives if it gets that bad talk to your personal tutor or a counsellor and parents for advice. With regards a job look for Christmas temp work now, then if your assignments up to date you can work through the hols and stash the cash. Or on s home visit have a turn out and sell stuff on eBay. Good luck - it's gets easier!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Just play loud af music when they are trying to sleep and be as terrible a roommate to them as they are to you. They think they can step on you because you won't do anything, so do something. Worst thing that happens is they kick you out and maybe then you wouldn't have to pay a fee for leaving.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

In some ways this is why I prefer rooming house type situations. In rooming houses the landlord picks you out and the other roommates take no part in deciding who will be the next roommate. It's impersonal and the roommates are generally not friends with each other.


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