# My dad ruined me. He ruined my self-esteem.



## Facing adversity (Jul 24, 2014)

My own father. He called me ugly a few times when I was a kid and once when I was 19. It really ****d me up psychologically. Even when girls show interest in me I struggle dearly because I am still damaged by the hurtful things my father said to me.


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## EarthaKitten (Mar 22, 2017)

Its so hard to be a parent. Its hard to be on the other end of that. My Dad had a really stressful job when I was growing up. He would get angry and say things he didn't even remember saying later. It was very hurtful and hard to get over. He never called me ugly but I still feel wholly unattractive most of the time. I try to always remember its about choices now. I can blame him or worse for me, the bullies at school who were far more cruel, or I can try to believe that I am an adult and all the choices and things I do now are my own. I can choose to feel ugly, or I can choose to blame others for where I have been in life, but I try to put more on myself. Life is okay now. If I hadn't been down those ugly paths, I wouldn't be where I am now. I don't know if that helps at all. It took many years before things started to turn around and I still have bad days, but then I try to look at the good things. I have two really great kids. My husband gets my anxiety and doesn't push me to do things that are really stressful. I have a house in the middle of nowhere, some close friends, really nice dogs.... maybe all that crap and all the horrible stuff led me to this. Maybe I had to go through it so I could type this now and say, hey, I really do get that, but its going to be okay after a while.


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## EarthaKitten (Mar 22, 2017)

So, my Dad stopped working, he retired, he is on medication because he also had anxiety coupled with out of control blood pressure, so he takes medication now and honestly, is a totally different person. I forgive him. We all have our own things to deal with. He got help. I got help. Life isn't perfect, but I love him very much. I hope there is some healing for you.


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## alexisralston (Mar 28, 2017)

I have depression and a lot of anger from him, he abused me and never even told me he loved me. I never liked him because he was a very violent man, being mean to my mom, hitting my brother. I actually hate him, even since i found out he went to jail for touching two girls, i wanted to hurt him. So you are not alone here.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

It's unfortunate when children are 'ruined' for the bad choices or behaviours of their parents. 

With the right help, though, what lies in ruins can be rebuilt.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Okay so take all your father said as something a bully would say, and all those things they say haunt us over and over again in our automatic negative thoughts. All you have to do is treat all your past negative reminders as automatic negative thoughts aka bullies. Don't listen to them! The more you listen to them the more power you are giving them over your life! Catch yourself when you're thinking in this manner, recognize these poisonous thoughts and then find a distraction to keep your mind off of them. Do something! Go out for a run/exercise, blast some loud music on in your room/ears, read a book out loud, watch a movie, do anything to distract you from these poisonous thoughts!!! And then once you recognize them and can use distractions to block them off - you're ready to add your own thoughts in their place. Tell yourself over and over again the truth - what you're good at, how good of a person you are, the people who like you, how many great stuff you've achieved in your life, how you deserve stuff, how helpful you are, what you love to do, what you like about yourself. Pretty soon you'll be able to change your brain's neural pathways and your dad's bullying will have no power over your feelings again.


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## GameAddict901 (May 23, 2016)

I had similar issues with my mom. I was told I was ugly, stupid, and unlikable my entire life by her. I know it's hard to not let it affect your outlook on things but I just try and remember that she's a miserable person who says stuff like that to make her feel better about herself.


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