# would you go out with someone youre not attracted to?



## alternativesong (Apr 5, 2006)

Hmm... It depends on why I was unattracted to them. If I was physically unattracted to them but thought they seemed nice, I would, but if I was turned off by their personality then no.


----------



## Prolix (Apr 16, 2006)

perhaps/to see what kind of hoops to jump through


----------



## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Probably, yeah, just because I was flattered by being asked out. I would have a hard time telling someone I didn't want to go out with them. Good thing I'm not a girl.


----------



## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

I wouldn't be offended, my feelings would be hurt, I wouldn't see the point. 

I've met people that I didn't find attractive, then I got to know them, I saw them in a different light, but that's different.

No, I wouldn't want someone going out with me, for a dating experience. If I was interested in just being friends, I would probably say something to the effect "I really like you, and would like to get to know you as a friend, that's all I have to offer" Of course, the other person could always say "I'm not interesting in you that way" then you would want the floor to swallow you;-)


----------



## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

when you ask someone out, it's dating. i mean, it's not a relationship. it's just two people going out having a good time. if you were in a relationship with someone you were not attracted to, it's probably not a good idea to be in that relationship but dating is a different story.


----------



## alternativesong (Apr 5, 2006)

No I wouldn't be offended.


----------



## Argo (May 1, 2005)

I don't think I'd like it if it happened to me, so no, I don't think I would. I guess it'd be different if both of you understood what was going on. Of course then, that brings up the question of why you'd conceal it unless you just wanted to lead the other person on.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Gumaro said:


> but had no intentions of anything serious happening


In that case, maybe. Fear of commitment is a big problem for me, even to people i'm attracted to but i know i wouldn't want to be with for a long period of time (personality incompatibility and such). Mostly it's because i fear i could never bring myself to reject a girl...


----------



## alternativesong (Apr 5, 2006)

I think Karla makes a good point here that dating isn't a relationship. One thing I'm not sure of is why you'd ask someone out that you have no interest in, for the practice I think is what you meant right? To me, I'd just wait for someone I had some interest in since it is kind of leading someone on. I wouldn't be offended though I'd just be a tad confused since I'm the kind of person that likes to lay it all out from the get go. If you just want to ask someone out just to go out then it should be clear that that's all it is.


----------



## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

I don't know. But i think I wouldn't. I can't see things going to that level if there's some part of me not interested in the girl physically.


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I wouldn't turn down a girl if she asked me. It might not get past the first date, but I wouldn't put her down or reject her.

If I asked out a girl, I would hope she would do the same thing.


----------



## winduptoy (Jun 21, 2005)

I would probably go out with the person to see what he is like, and because no one's ever asked me out before. I don't want to miss any chances, you know? (Because it'd be a rare occurance :b ) If I like his personality, that will make him attractive to me.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'd probably date anything that moves. Even if it's the heaving chest of an unconscious person. I can't even hope for that much.


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Would I date anyone I am not attracted to? Heck, no! My clock is ticking, Fellas, and I don't want to waste any time on someone I am not interested in.


----------



## Mr_Twig (Apr 10, 2006)

I really should. Anything else would make me an opportunistic hypocrite unable to face his own inadequacy.


----------



## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I accidentally did once.

It was someone I had known for a while from working with her. She was married and a few years older than me and I didn't really find her attractive. We were talking about some film that had just come out and she asked if I wanted to go see it. I said sure, I had nothing else to do. Her husband was often out of town for business, and I had hung out with her before around other people. I thought nothing of it and just thought she was bored.

Well by the end of the night she made it very clear that she had liked me for a long time. She then asked me, "Well I was wondering if you found me attractive?" Needless to say one of the most uncomfortable questions in my life.

I really didn't see that one coming.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

No, I wouldn't.


----------



## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

no. i did once but broke it off the next morning. i'll never do that again


----------



## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

I have. I wouldn't get offended if the other person was just 'using' me for dating practice. Heck, I need practice as well. It's mutual.


----------



## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

I wouldn't recommend it. I wouldn't recommend having relationships with them, either. 

If you feel the need to settle, then you really need to stop and question the reason why you feel the need to be involved with someone so badly.


----------



## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

attracted to in what way? physically or emotionally?


----------



## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Physically, yes. I think that people become more attractive when you get to know them better...assuming you find their personalities attractive.


----------



## MixLove (Feb 1, 2006)

I have dated people I wasn't interest in b/c I was afraid to get to know men that I liked....i know its werid...


----------



## Whimsy (Mar 16, 2006)

Nope I would never do it, it doesn't make sense to waste my time in someone i'm not attracted too.


----------



## Strychnyne (Mar 28, 2006)

I'd rather have a not so attractive person with a good personality than a good looking guy who's vain & a bore.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Strychnyne said:


> I'd rather have a not so attractive person with a good personality than a good looking guy who's vain & a bore.


 :agree

If he doesn't at least pretend to laugh at my lame quips, then I don't want him. I would take an amusing and nice Wilford Brimley look-a-like over a Johnny Depp robot.


----------



## Strychnyne (Mar 28, 2006)

lol, I know a sense of humor is very important to me too.


----------



## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

pixiedust said:


> Physically, yes. I think that people become more attractive when you get to know them better...assuming you find their personalities attractive.


 :agree 
And likewise, if a person is extremely attractive but a B|tch, they start to look like michael jackson.


----------



## C3P0 (Apr 10, 2006)

Yes, I think I would go out with someone I was not physically attracted to for dating experience - however, in my mind, I would be 'socialising' (i.e. doing it to get experience, feel comfortable with woman in dating situations, learning about what I want, etc....) , as opposed to 'dating' to get to know someone that I may have a romantic interest for. (that means I like her)

In fact, I have actually done so, and think that as long as there is a modicum of chemistry, that it is a good thing. It's good for the mind to be in the company of positive people in general, so, the way I see it, as long as it is a low or medium maintenance girl, then that is what counts.


----------



## Bubble 'n' Squeak (Mar 24, 2005)

No, I wouldn't go out with someone I'm not emotionally attracted to. Although the idea of getting dating experience seems practical, I would never feel comfortable with the idea of going out with someone if I knew in my heart that there could never be any chance of being in a long term relationship with them. I would never want to take advantage of anyone's feelings, and would feel terribly guilty if I ever did anything to mislead someone. 

The main reason I feel this way is because I've always been worried about having my feelings hurt or having my heart broken, which is why I would never want to do the same to someone else. However, I've been told by others, that the way that I've been approaching dating and relationships is not the proper way to do things....that I'm thinking too emotionally.....and that this is only more likely to lead to having my heart broken than anything else. 

Since I haven't been on a date or had a girlfriend before and yet have had my heart broken on several occasions....it's difficult to argue against that. Although I would like to change, it's not as simple as flicking a switch and turning off my emotions. As long as both people have a mutual understanding, I think that the idea of going out with someone to get dating experience does have merit....it would be a good way of getting to know a person better and help improve people skills as well. It's just going to take some time to adjust to thinking in that mindset.


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Bubble 'n' Squeak said:


> Since I haven't been on a date or had a girlfriend before and yet have had my heart broken on several occasions....it's difficult to argue against that. Although I would like to change, it's not as simple as flicking a switch and turning off my emotions. As long as both people have a mutual understanding, I think that the idea of going out with someone to get dating experience does have merit....it would be a good way of getting to know a person better and help improve people skills as well. It's just going to take some time to adjust to thinking in that mindset.


I'm the same way, but haven't had any heartbreaks yet. The closest thing for me would be a girl I liked started dating another guy, but I was 2000 miles away from her, so it's not like it would have worked out.

I do tend to get emotionally attached very quickly as well, and need to have a perfect drama free relationship.


----------



## Ramoz (Feb 6, 2006)

I can't see using anyone just to get experience in social matters. Dash someone's hopes with "Oh, sorry. I was just using you to help myself." Sounds a bit harsh. It's like an ethics violation, so I'd rather stay alone.


Now if it were a mutual both get experience thing, probably if nothing more than to get out and do something.


----------



## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

shwin said:


> At this point yes, I'd go out with someone even if I am not attracted to them. However, under normal circumstances, No I wouldn't go out. Whats the point?


i'm confused. what's normal circumstances for you? and what do you mean at this point?


----------



## Mr_Twig (Apr 10, 2006)

Strychnyne said:


> lol, I know a sense of humor is very important to me too.


Unfortunately, a lot of people say that and don't mean it (not saying you don't. I'm sure you're being honest. But not everyone is.). I've found it takes an _extremely_ exceptional personality to break that mold. Whereas a decent-looking person doesn't have to have a sense of humor or exceptional...anything, really...to enter a relationship. Just an observation-please don't take it as an accusation. I already feel terrible for unthinkingly insulting Scientologists today...


----------



## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

are you completely unattracted to her? If that's the case, then it's probably not a good idea. But if she isn't as pretty as you typically like and has a good/fun personality I say why not give it a go. Do it for practice and for the possiblity that something unexpected might happen...personality really can make a person that much more attractive. :yes


----------



## shyguydan (Dec 30, 2004)

Whats that one adage, it might be a little bit of, please forgive me, it what counts on the inside, beauty is skin deep


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I probably wouldn't do it without seeing a picture of her first. For me, physical attraction is the foundation for everything else. She can have the greatest personality on this side of the Mississippi, but if she's not attractive, then it's not gonna work. I'm a man, and I _need_ that visual stimulation.

Another reason I might not do the whole blind date thing is because it's unlikely my personality would be compatible with hers. My SA really makes me very abnormal as far as my interests go and stuff, so my personality is probably uncompatible with 99% of the human population. I can just imagine how it would go...we'd go out to dinner and I'd just sit there silently while feeling extremely uncomfortable and desperatly trying to think of something to talk about.


----------



## Ramoz (Feb 6, 2006)

Futures said:


> My SA really makes me very abnormal as far as my interests go and stuff, so my personality is probably uncompatible with 99% of the human population.


Hah. I was just thinking that about myself a little while ago.


----------



## bellicose (Sep 16, 2004)

No way..


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would feel bad for leading them on. The further it would go would be the further problems I would have.

It would be an Axe snake peel moment and then some.


----------



## damselindistress (Apr 24, 2006)

me too. sometimes family members or friends of family members try to set me up with someone they know and I balk. Its like I'm afraid to even try.


----------



## C3P0 (Apr 10, 2006)

Now, I have an official personal policy where I certainly will actually 'seek' to go out with someone I'm not attracted to but who likes me, and may have some chemistry. As stated on my Blog, I have desinated such people to be a 'safe-base' or a 'piece on the side'.

The idea is that it is very important to go out with someone you do not have to impress, who is not out to judge you critically and put you in the slammer with the other guys for the slightest bird-feather, and who genuinely wants to go out with me, and of course, and are fairly transparent.

It just so happens, in my life, those who I may be attracted to physically, seem to have one, or more of these above qualities lacking, making them sort of 'unsafe'. Furthermore, it puts you in an ackward position if you are building your confidence or are clingly needy towards the ones you are attracted to. It often leads to one sided crushes and infatuation. I may like them, then find they are either with lots of other guys and you are in the bottom of their 'guy-pyramid', or they are too dismissive.

That's why I think attractive girls are generally 'unsafe', while unattractive ones, who may not have lots of guys in the background or have lots of guy attention, may be more 'safer', and such seems to be in my experience. I'd look at an attractive person as a risky emotional venture.

To resolve this, I have proposed and sold myself on the idea that unattractive women who may be interested in me, )but I may find attractive and having enough chemistry to find a modicum of interest) are definately a confidence booster that should be pursued in terms of dating, and is healthy, in the sence that generalisations such as 'nobody likes me, etc...' can be rationally argued whenever they come up. 

Lots of people may disagree with this and think I'm using people, but in the name of treatment of social anxiety, so be it. That is my own social anxiety treatment plan, in the department of relationships. So, I think it is cool for people to treat their social anxiety to go out with people they are not attracted to, but who may be interested in them. You need these type of people in your life.


----------



## C3P0 (Apr 10, 2006)

I also have a superstitious belief, that if you go out with someone you are not attracted to, but likes you, then more attractive people will come your way because you are being selfless, and therefore deserve to interact or be with more attractive people. I dont know. Guess I subciounciously believe in funny laws or something.


----------



## Argo (May 1, 2005)

C3P0 said:


> I also have a superstitious belief, that if you go out with someone you are not attracted to, but likes you, then more attractive people will come your way because you are being selfless, and therefore deserve to interact or be with more attractive people.


How is that being "selfless"? Seems like you're just stringing a person along to feed your ego. "Hmm, by dating this ugly person I'm tricking people into thinking I'm kind and selfless, therefore someone better will surely be attracted by these qualities in me and then I'll be able to dump this ugly one and hook up with a hot one. Can't you see? It's karma, people!"


----------



## C3P0 (Apr 10, 2006)

Argo said:


> C3P0 said:
> 
> 
> > I also have a superstitious belief, that if you go out with someone you are not attracted to, but likes you, then more attractive people will come your way because you are being selfless, and therefore deserve to interact or be with more attractive people.
> ...


Because you are doing something that is not motivated with 'lust', since one is not attracted to who they are going out with. Lust is selfish. No lust, no selfishness.



Argo said:


> Seems like you're just stringing a person along to feed your ego.


Not if the other person understands that you are going out only as 'friends' and she is going out with me as a friend.



Argo said:


> "Hmm, by dating this ugly person I'm tricking people into thinking I'm kind and selfless, therefore someone better will surely be attracted by these qualities in me and then I'll be able to dump this ugly one and hook up with a hot one. Can't you see? It's karma, people!"


 Again, I do not see anything wrong with having friends that you are not romantically attracted to and going out with them. Likewise, if an attractive person went out with me as a friend, I wouldn't mind that either.
I dont see anything about either scenerios.


----------



## Argo (May 1, 2005)

> C3P0 said:
> 
> 
> > How is that being "selfless"?
> ...


Well there's the rub, does she? You mentioned going out with an ugly person who "likes" you; just what kind of "like" are we talking about?



> Again, I do not see anything wrong with having friends that you are not romantically attracted to and going out with them. Likewise, if an attractive person went out with me as a friend, I wouldn't mind that either.
> I dont see anything about either scenerios.


[/quote:8d606]

Hey, if both of you know exactly what's going on, then more power to you. However, that didn't seem to be what you were talking about earlier. Maybe you should clarify.


----------

