# My Talking Points for my Session Wed'y



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I have a session with my 'ologist Wed'y. So far here is what I'll bring up to get her input on. This is really for me and I don't expect anyone to read a long post.

My questionairre said I didn't know myself very well. I also think this is why all my relationships don't make it down the aisle. The cycle is; fall in love, work hard to make relationship work, lead woman to believe marriage is probable, slowly sabotage relationship because I haven't done the things I want to do. (Or enough of them) One thing is a biggy, work. I'm still unconscious in my work, but becoming conscious. So, I'm healthier than I've ever been and I still want to do the things in life that I wanted to do in my twenties, and I think I should do them before I look to some other sweet, pretty thing to make me happy. Ain't going to happen. I'm ready for change, and I'm not BS'g.

Secondly, Living in the moment is a powerful concept. But how do I recognize the message of change within a moment? Tolle says each moment is perfect, but he also says things happen for a reason, but many times we don't know that reason. Is the underlying strengthening urge to change valid? Or is it just the little me, the petty immature me saying "no" to the moment, fighting it in other words? I think the message of change has presented itself in a sincere manner. 

And finally, do you always expose that much cleavage with other patients and how much do I owe for that? haha, LOL. My therapist is great, she's dramatic and smart and a little wacky herself. Which I like.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Oh dear. Erotic Transference.

Therapy breaker.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Just joking!!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Let us know how it goes.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

For anyone whose thinking of going to therapy, here's my journal entry from today and some stuff my therapist and I talked about. Themes of my entry run into my therapy session, which is good. It's long, so whatever. 

Journal (may be redundant) 
I don't know myself well enough. That's what my questionairre revealed and something on a deeper level I've always known. I don't commit to anyone or anything because of it. So the women I'm attracted to represent (sub-consciously until now, unconsciously?) a distraction, not a situation I want to commit to. But an exciting flirtation to take my mind off my lack of awareness, and lack of satisfaction with my life/work choices. Driving this is my rejection of my father and his inability to hold a steady job, or pay much joyful attention to his wife. So I've become a much improved version of my Dad, but a poor, unauthentic version of myself. Now that I'm learning about awareness, and being conscious, I realize that to do my job (and others in the past) each day, I have to become unconscious. Pretend that my true, buried desires don't matter, because if I can't take the pressure, I'll be just like my Dad. My last relationship flirtation with Kris, although a helluva an effort, was largely unconscious. The situation was a replica of my attempt at making my mom happy, and setting my dad up as the enemy. Kris is as mental as my mom and I cultivated reasons to hate her boyfriend. 

I am ready to acknowledge that the thing I wanted to do when I was 15, 25, 35 with my life is STILL the thing I want to do at 45. And I'm going to pursue it without any evaluating of success or failure. Individuation. The life I have here in Ohio I can have in (other state), I can volunteer there, I can attend a church there, I can date there. And I'll be closer to like minded peeps. Tolle is correct. The more aware you are, the less you know. Which is good. Because it was the belief (during my unconscious/less conscious state) that I knew things that held me back from welcoming the message of the moment and moving forward, even tho' it was strongly stated in my spirit.

NOTES FROM MY THERAPY SESSION
*I started by reading the above journal entry. 
*We talked about why I'm oddly attracted to women who are taken already and emotionally injured. I suggested it was because the situation replicated the "childhood me" playing the proxy spouse to my Mom, in the emotional absence of my father, as I grew up even into my adult years. (BINGO) 
*We then talked about my desire to move and pursue other work and the portability of my job.
*We talked about Chakras, sleep apnea and it's emotional causes rather than the physical causes. (interesting)
*We both got on the floor and looked at books about chakras and some wildly cool illistrated books done by a friend of hers. (She's very casual)
*We discussed briefly individuation
*We discussed briefly being in the moment and letting your dreams and deeper purpose pull you joyfully into the next moment, to the extent it's okay to change, and not to be just "in the moment" and pretending to like some situation you don't. 
*Then she reluctantly gave me a book and I jokingly said "I didn't know for a 100 bucks I got a book". She said BRING IT BACK NEXT TIME!
*I discussed how ARDRUM is annoying me, but she had NO CLUE how to cope with that. 

Soooooooooooooooo, that is Andy Goes to Therapy in a nutshell. LOL, no pun intended, consciously that is, lol.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Neato. I've got a session tomorrow morning.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

She sounds like an eclectic therapist! Shes throwing together all sorts of stuff to help you.

Still checking her *** out when he bends over?

Oh yeah I have the going after damaged / unavailable women thing too. BADLY. Like a magnet. Healthy or available ones freak me out.

Ross


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

^It's a quandry. I'm going to journal and explore this today. Sometimes I think my affinity for "damaged" women is because I haven't filled-in enough of the blanks, questions (successes) I have about myself. Sometimes I think it's because I'm good at being understanding, supportive and emotinally helpful, (due to growing up with damaged mother). And sometimes I think it's because I want badly to be different from my father, who wasn't successful at all in providing for his family, so I have this inflated view of how much money and how well I should provide for a womana and a family. Okay, now I don't have to journal it, it's done!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Mine is very highly programmed. Even little movements of the head, little actions, that communicate shyness (but with underlying happiness / "love me" vibe) is seriously like some kind of megadisiac for me. Its crazy. Maybe thats why I keep coming back here ... 

Oh yeah I think I like married women too. I think I need therapy for that. But not with a married woman. Dangerous. 

Ross


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I've only liked females who first showed an interest in me (on any level). I don't know if I can feel attraction before that happens.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Come on girls.

Let rip


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

ardrum said:


> I've only liked females who first showed an interest in me (on any level). I don't know if I can feel attraction before that happens.


I think about this too. WHENEVER I've followed thru on MY attraction to someone it hasn't gone well. Need to explore more the character of a woman rather then her physical ques. Which leads me back to why I like to take it painstakingly slow. Phsycality can fool me everytime into thinking "oh this is it".

So many times, it's me just waiting for someone to NOTICE me and show interest. I think I know how to change this tho'.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

In my experience - and yeah I sound like an arrogant tool but what the hey I paid for this damn computer .... this isnt aimed at anyone, its just my observation ... 

SMILING is the number 1 attention getter. Ok this is where its a bit tougher .. its when Im smiling cos I m having a good time ... BUT when I do, when I walk round say a club or pub and I am just smiling - the attention I get from women goes up by 20 times. No lie - its like they just respond better.

And why wouldnt they? If Im walking around with a feardul expression, or a letchy one, wating for them to smile at me ... they just arent gonna smile. But if I stop giving a **** whether or not they think IM WEIRD FOR SMILING - because that was what used to stop me - all of a sudden there is a change. People look warm and friendly when they smile. Men do the approaching, BUT there needs to be that initial "oh hey" - and a smile makes you seem safe, likable, confident. Yep its hard with SA of course ... but have you ever had 'one of those nights' when things inexplicably came together, and it seems like even though you didnt care - SOMEHOW you got loads of attantion?

YOU WRE HAVING A GOOD TIME. You were smiling - naturally.

This si why I keep saying - FOCUS ON YOUR HAPPINESS FIRST, FOCUS ON HAVING A GOOD TIME - anf the relationship stuff will sort itself out.

Try to push it, to make it happen .... and amazingly, it goes to ****.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

lol, I don't mean notice me on a first impressions level. Not bragging but I get plenty of that. I meant the deeper level. It's just hard for me to keep things "light and easy". I'm getting better at that, but I like a person to appreciate the depth I can bring to a conversation or relationship. Guess I gotta be patient.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

whee


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I smile more in social settings when I'm drunk. In general, smiling people are happy and having fun, so it makes sense for a correlation to exist between smiling and likeability (and there are loads of studies confirming that people prefer smiling faces to neutral faces).

Drinking I suppose acts as a "smiling stimulant" for a lot of people, at least temporarily. I'm not too keen on being around drunk girls though... I've had unexpected, scary experiences with drunkies. They've pointed at me and laughed, or they've show me their boobies suddenly, and for no particular reason. Either scenario is terrifying. :lol

Sober = Safer


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