# I'm so tired of the "you're so quiet" remarks/jokes.



## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

I get that people make jokes about each other all the time in a joking way and they don't expect you to take offense to it, but it get's annoying, for example I had a meeting today and I didn't talk at all so one of my coworkers who was sitting next to me said "Hey Jesse you're talking way to much, it's making feel extremely uncomfortable, if you could please stop that would be great." There are multiple other times this happens where they make jokes towards me because of how quiet I am. 

I'm very tired of it, I wish my coworkers would just accept that I'm quiet and introverted and stop expecting me to be extroverted and talkative all the time. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone at my work, and I'm just there to be there. The amount of times I just want to give up on working and sit back at home in isolation because of how much easier it is, it's always a struggle waking up every morning feeling like you don't fit in at your job, or you're not good enough to be working there. I can't even think of working my whole life, I hate working.

When I first got this job I thought it would be a new time for me to try and make some friends and come out of my shell, sadly it's quite the opposite of what I expected, and I've made 0 friends, and now I'm just the butt of my coworkers jokes, most of my coworkers don't even want to be around me because of how awkward and quiet I am, so they will do everything to avoid being around me. I just don't fit it, I don't know how I will continue to work at this job when I'm forced to interact with coworkers all the time and I'm meant to be more extroverted.

Sorry if I went off rails with this thread, I just been having a terrible time at my job.

Is there anyone else out there with any similar experiences? It would give me some sort of peace of mind knowing I'm not the only one struggling with this sort of thing.


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## FinallyLosingIt (Sep 15, 2014)

I once quit a job because of similar stuff (well, ok, there was more, but...). Introverted people are easily misunderstood by most... And its a pleasure to put down others...

I feel you, man. Concentrate in what makes you more strong. Most coworkers are just coworkers everywhere... does not matter if they avoid you... (maybe that's good?)

Don't make them feel they're getting to you and give them reasons to complaint of pettiness on your part, and they should eventually get bored of it...
Basically, be neutral (what can I say...)

And yeah, that happens to a LOT of people, SA or not. Definitely not alone.

Btw, I've seen things like, people putting up with having their desk placed in the freaking bathroom and being forced to work there... also in a basement with a single tiny lamp and other stuff for years (and this 57 year old guy didn't care at all for all this, I mean he really didn't give an absolute total f***)...


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## Clamhead (Aug 4, 2014)

I feel you man. I'm about a month and a half into my first job out of college. 

Man, it's tiring. Being around coworkers all day, surrounded by chatter and loud laughs every ten seconds is exhausting. Back in college, I could at least go back to my room whenever I wanted for some peace and quiet...

First of all, I don't find small talk at all interesting. It also doesn't come naturally to me at all. Whenever I have some type of social interaction with a coworker, it usually ends up with me not knowing how to end the conversation and I can't think of anything witty to say so they laugh and go "alright, see you later then!" and leave me be. Instead, it tends to end abruptly and awkwardly. As the weeks went by, I've noticed people have been reaching out to me less. In a way, I'm like 'good'. Yet, it also makes me feel ****ty at times knowing how crappy I am at social interactions.

I've never gotten the 'Gosh, you're so quiet Clamhead!' or some sarcastic remark to make me feel horrible about my SA. I guess it's because I do try to chime in here or there now and then. However, my remarks are apparently bland and dry, so still crap. Some coworkers have seen my SA/awkwardness as a way to justify them being "superior" than me in some ways and seem to talk down on me when having group discussions. 

Just wish I could stop giving a crap about others' perception of me, go all out, and just freaking not care about potentially saying something stupid or out of line. My SA causes my head to go blank and I can't think of anything to say other than the obvious... 

Sorry, not exactly the same problem. However, yeah, I'm feeling ****ty at work too. Some days are better than others. Today was utter crap.


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## fractured (May 4, 2014)

I've had similar experiences at work, I've even had multiple people call me shy. There may be some truth to it but still, it frustrates me that they would judge me that was just because i'm quiet, i'm probably just more closed of than anything.

I know what it's like to not have people want to sit with you, in some way's it feels like a relief, as in i don't have to talk to them, but at the same time it can make me feel bad about myself. I've found that over time as I've worked at this place i have become more comfortable with certain people, i even participate in small talk when i feel like it. Now, can i hold a conversation completely on my own? i'm not sure, i guess it depends on how confident i'm feeling.

You are not alone by any means, i'm sure a lot of people on here could relate, things can get better if you work on them, start with small talk.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

Thanks for all the responses, I do have a couple coworkers who do seem to slightly enjoy my company to an extent, they will sometimes come up to me and talk to me and we can have some sort of conversation, it usually doesn't last very long because my responses aren't very enjoyable I assume, but they still seem to like my company to some extent sometimes which is good I guess, though it is rare when these people do come and talk to me, most the time they'd rather talk to other coworkers. That is only 2 people though out of like 12, the rest of these people I'm either intimidated by or just can't seem to make any sort of connection at all. Intimidation reasons would be because 3 of them are managers and for some reason just knowing they're higher ups makes me feel like I need to be on my "game" at the time because of their position at my job, so I don't try to small talk with them at all, which makes it very awkward where I stand there and don't say a thing while they're in my presence, it's actually gotten to the point where most of the time they don't even bother saying hello to me because of how awkward I come off I guess. 

All my other coworkers seem like they don't really like me, they tend to avoid talking to me all together, so in turn I just end up ignoring them also. I guess it's my fault because I don't put in pretty much any effort to make small talk with anyone unless they initiate the conversation, but I'm very terrible at small talk, I can't really keep a conversation going whatsoever.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I guess there's something to be said for making the effort, not trying to say its your fault or anything, I more than anyone understand your situation. At least you've got those 2 people, have you tried just randomly talking to the others? Like it doesn't have to be a big deal you could just mention some work related thing, or something about the weather. 
If you just isolate yourself and don't initiate anything, then people will just ignore you. The more you talk to them, the more they'll talk back. Its like a game of cards play your hand and they'll play theirs, its no fun just playing by yourself.I know it ain't easy cos of anxiety, but like anything more you do it easier it gets.
I have a tendency to isolate myself as well at work, because I can be such a grumpy sourpuss a lot, but I need to come out my shell more which I'm trying to do.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

That's never gonna stop. Either start talking or just go with it. People are use to talking a lot and when they see an odd one out they'll most likely point it out. Sometimes even when i feel like i been talking a lot some people still ask why I'm quiet. I guess its not enough but i been experiencing this all my life. You're just gonna have to accept being quiet.


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

My manager said she was concerned about that 1 whole week in after I got my job, but since then no one has said anything about me being really quiet that I've heard, and my desk is in the same room that the office waterhole is.


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## Eia Au (Jul 13, 2010)

I get this at work too. Some of my coworkers I'm cool with and they joke around with me and randomly when I'm in the room tell me to shut up because I haven't said anything. Other coworkers that I don't like bring it up just to be dicks. Another one I get which bugs me more than the your quiet one is your too nice or your so nice comment which is basically them calling me weak-that one I hate the most.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

bottleofblues said:


> I guess there's something to be said for making the effort, not trying to say its your fault or anything, I more than anyone understand your situation. At least you've got those 2 people, have you tried just randomly talking to the others? Like it doesn't have to be a big deal you could just mention some work related thing, or something about the weather.
> If you just isolate yourself and don't initiate anything, then people will just ignore you. The more you talk to them, the more they'll talk back. Its like a game of cards play your hand and they'll play theirs, its no fun just playing by yourself.I know it ain't easy cos of anxiety, but like anything more you do it easier it gets.
> I have a tendency to isolate myself as well at work, because I can be such a grumpy sourpuss a lot, but I need to come out my shell more which I'm trying to do.


Yea man you're completely right, I know that it is pretty much my fault for not opening up to my coworkers which in turn makes them choose to ignore me but my problem is that I find it extremely hard to communicate with people even with small talk my mind goes completely blank. I can say hello and how are you and unless they start a conversation with me the chances of it going anywhere are 0, and even if they do talk unless I feel slightly comfortable around them the conversation won't go anywhere. I guess I have to start small and learn how to handle a small talk situation and then I can progress from there. I am just always feeling so anxious and awkward every time someone tries to converse with me. I end up stuttering or I pretty much always end up making myself sound stupid in some way. I can converse with those 2 people at my work decently well because they actually gave me a chance to warm up to them, but all my other coworkers don't give me that chance.

I need to realize that I will go no where if I'm always expecting people to give me a chance when I come off the way I do, but man that seems like a pretty impossible mission at this moment when I think about it.


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## mardymoo (Jan 8, 2013)

I get the "you're very quiet, I worry about you sometimes" from my manager. I am not good at small talk either, I get anxious even when someone asks me what I'm doing/have done for the weekend, although I guess that is more so when I am not doing anything. I do have a tendency to over think things which don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

I generally like being around people and I'd find it a bit depressing to work on my own all the time. I do wish I could talk to people easier and think of more things to say.

There is not much work to do at my work place at the moment so I don't have that to distract me any more, I get bored when there is nothing to do and feel more pressure to talk and keep a conversation going with my co-worker who does the same job as me, although she is very nice and quite easy to talk too.


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## DrPepper31 (Jan 27, 2013)

bottleofblues said:


> I guess there's something to be said for making the effort, not trying to say its your fault or anything, I more than anyone understand your situation. At least you've got those 2 people, have you tried just randomly talking to the others? Like it doesn't have to be a big deal you could just mention some work related thing, or something about the weather.
> If you just isolate yourself and don't initiate anything, then people will just ignore you. The more you talk to them, the more they'll talk back. Its like a game of cards play your hand and they'll play theirs, its no fun just playing by yourself.I know it ain't easy cos of anxiety, but like anything more you do it easier it gets.
> I have a tendency to isolate myself as well at work, because I can be such a grumpy sourpuss a lot, but I need to come out my shell more which I'm trying to do.


Yeah, you can always start the small talk, most likely they will talk back, but that can sometimes back fire, because there has been times when I would initiate a conversation with a co-worker and they would just give me short responses-which in turn annoyed them and thought I was disgusting to even talk to them in the first place. I don't know, its a no win situation, your best bet is to talk about work related things..if they are tight knit group they are not going to care about personal information either way.

And no matter how much I made an effort to "talk" to co-workers, they would still accuse me of being quiet. My manager and a few co-workers would say this to me, and there were times when I would socialize with them and actually carry a conversation with them from time to time, but still they thought I was "too quiet." I'm like wtf? What was I doing now or a few days ago? Was I not actually talking to you for a good amount of time??? And its funny how they like to call me out like that in front of everyone while everyone is still working, yet they don't care to talk to me when I'm at lunch or call me out then when I'm sitting at a table or when I'm walking by??? Sooo stupid.


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## Loner91 (Sep 19, 2014)

Oh I do hate when people make jokes about you being quiet:mum

But the most annoying thing is when they ask "why are you so quiet?" how am I meant to answer that exactly, I could just as well ask "why are you so talkative?" :no


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## MixedNuts (Sep 14, 2014)

When I am asked why I am so quiet I generally reply with some sort of remark like " One of us has to be quiet or there wouldn't be enough oxygen for everyone else" which puts the spotlight back on them.

The main question I get is "How tall are you?", for the past 3 years I have told the same group of people my height, time and time again. I would like to know how long they have been suffering from short-term memory loss.

Sometimes people ask stupid questions time and time again.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

jesse93 said:


> Yea man you're completely right, I know that it is pretty much my fault for not opening up to my coworkers which in turn makes them choose to ignore me but my problem is that I find it extremely hard to communicate with people even with small talk my mind goes completely blank. I can say hello and how are you and unless they start a conversation with me the chances of it going anywhere are 0, and even if they do talk unless I feel slightly comfortable around them the conversation won't go anywhere. I guess I have to start small and learn how to handle a small talk situation and then I can progress from there. I am just always feeling so anxious and awkward every time someone tries to converse with me. I end up stuttering or I pretty much always end up making myself sound stupid in some way. I can converse with those 2 people at my work decently well because they actually gave me a chance to warm up to them, but all my other coworkers don't give me that chance.
> 
> I need to realize that I will go no where if I'm always expecting people to give me a chance when I come off the way I do, but man that seems like a pretty impossible mission at this moment when I think about it.


I guess just persevere, I still get a bit anxious talking to people on lunch breaks, but I'm a lot less anxious than I used to be and I put it down to practice at conversing with others. But I was never a super shy person, just an anxious one.
You could maybe think of some stuff to chat about beforehand, like the weather followed up by something work related, or even something they can relate to. Mind sound trivial, but little practices like that and you can learn to be more comfortable around others.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

DrPepper31 said:


> Yeah, you can always start the small talk, most likely they will talk back, but that can sometimes back fire, because there has been times when I would initiate a conversation with a co-worker and they would just give me short responses-which in turn annoyed them and thought I was disgusting to even talk to them in the first place. I don't know, its a no win situation, your best bet is to talk about work related things..if they are tight knit group they are not going to care about personal information either way.
> 
> And no matter how much I made an effort to "talk" to co-workers, they would still accuse me of being quiet. My manager and a few co-workers would say this to me, and there were times when I would socialize with them and actually carry a conversation with them from time to time, but still they thought I was "too quiet." I'm like wtf? What was I doing now or a few days ago? Was I not actually talking to you for a good amount of time??? And its funny how they like to call me out like that in front of everyone while everyone is still working, yet they don't care to talk to me when I'm at lunch or call me out then when I'm sitting at a table or when I'm walking by??? Sooo stupid.


I'm only hearing your side of the story, but from what you're saying those people sound like dicks, if you try to talk to someone and they're gonna be too stuck up to talk back then **** em they ain't worthy of your attention. 
They can't be all dicks, find the ones that aren't and talk to them, screw the others.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

It feels like every single person I ever met has said that to me. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Worst are the times I'm not actually anxious at all and people mention how quiet I am.


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## ShrimpSauce (Jan 12, 2012)

I talk when I need to. 

Some people just like to hear themselves talk. And most of the time it is about nothing important, they just fill the air with useless words. I do not understand it. But then again they don't understand how to keep quiet.

I have been told the classic: "why are you so0o0o quiet???" 

"Learn how to speak English next time I see you!!!"

"you know you're allowed to talk right....??"

I just stare at them when they say that crap to me.


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## jaofao (Nov 26, 2013)

You know what...
Those coworkers are good at controlling their emotions. That's how people survive in the office environment. You make fun of things you really mean.
Everybody acts like they're an angel, so nice, so appropriate.

When you feel bad, they will act like it's a bad thing, but actually they are HAPPY inside. How great, one down, without firing a bullet.

Don't give up. Never forget your duty - the very reason you sign up for the job, to work and get paid. That's pretty much it. Forget all about the socializing stuff, see what they will do if you don't talk. Not their territory to have a say about it.

Actually, in the workplace, those who talk much are the worst coworkers. Just stay away.


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

I volunteer at a charity (office work mainly) and one guy (who I hardly talk to) said 'you're a bit quiet today Johnny' I was thinking 'I'm always quiet ffs, I been here for months and only speak to a few people' 
Just annoyed me that he said it and others heard it.


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## bubbletea (May 31, 2014)

You just have to smile and let it roll off your shoulders, "haha very funny", etc. 

They're going to bother you regardless until they get bored of it. You can't control their actions, only your reaction. Since they're going to do it anyway, don't let it affect you so much. You can either get angry/uptight about it, or just smile and move on with your day. 

Ten years ago I was really upset when people make comments like that to me. Now it does not happen because my demeanor has changed I guess. Try to be a little more friendly and less awkward, smile, greet them, relax. If you don't like to talk about yourself, talk about them. Ask them a question about work or their day, personal life, etc. That keeps the attention off you.


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## Snow Bunny (Jan 28, 2009)

I know! Just last week I've had someone say 'I've never heard snow bunny speak!'
What a stupid thing to say! Firstly because it's just a silly thing to say and he should think before he opens that big mouth of his. Secondly because I'm on the next table to his and I do talk to the guys on my table and I'm always on the phone, so it doesn't even make logical sense.
THEN he accosted me as I went for lunch and unfortunately I hit the timing wrong and we both got to the door at the same time. He let me go first and I smiled and said thanks and as I went out and he followed he said 'see she doesn't speak!' I didn't smile back this time because I'd had enough but he continued to not let me get away and say 'I don't think we've ever had a conversation' to which I said that I'm sure we have, in a dull unamused and slightly patronizing voice.
Ugh why do people have to say that - I haven't heard that said to me in years, it brought back some crappy memories and I spent that lunchtime a bit upset because I thought I was doing well and my confidence was starting to go up a bit and that stupid comment crashed everything. ):


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## EcoProg (May 24, 2014)

It's even more fun when you actually talk because you are happy or something, and the second you stutter the person you talk to get surprised and maybe chuckle a bit. Then they never talk to you again, or even say hi.

I love life.


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## sfbayarea22 (Sep 23, 2014)

i dont like the small talk at work, especially when it is something really dull like too much talk about something that has no importance or when they geek out and talk about a video game or sport team and get really detailed, and I feel like it is so boring. Also bragging about how much they drink. I have a group team building event coming up for two whole days and there will be a lot of that kind of talk and smart remarks, which I am not good at either, partly because English is not my first language. So they see you are quieter and they start saying "shut up dude you are talking so much" .....sigh


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