# Should I tell my therapist everything about my past?



## Cassie19986 (Aug 2, 2017)

Hi everyone . I've been seeing a therapist for some months because I have social anxiety and borderline disorder. When I was about 18 I worked for some time as a prostitute. I wasn't that desperate for money, it happened because I felt incredibly alone and I wanted to be close with someone. Now I know it was a mistake. Since that time I haven't been able to maintain a normal relationship with any man. I'm also ashamed of telling this to my therapist, because it's my biggest secret and I never talk about it. What should I do?
(Sorry if there are any mistakes, English isn't my first language).


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Up to you, but does seem to effect you greatly since it prevents you from having a good relationship.


----------



## Dont Worry (Aug 3, 2017)

*Don't get stressed..*

Every person makes a "mistake." But it is how we look at something but in how we attach "meaning" to something we do or say. So in that, Why should you feel ashamed? You should not feel ashamed because of what you did because at the time it was an okay thing for you to do. Maybe you view it different now but as that was in the past do not let it guide your present or future. 
People are social animals, we tend to "herd" together like a herd of cows but there are always the cows that wander off, quite well liking to be alone if even for a short time. There are the cows that do just not want to be around the rest of the herd and the cowboys wrangle those cows up and get them back to their herd.
That is what your therapist should be doing, getting you back to the herd, back into society without having to relive your past. The past is gone, it is history and you can't change history so why worry about it? 
Ten minutes from now this message will be history, gone and can't be changed so why worry about it.
Do not let something in the past bother you as it is fruitless and just cause many people a lot of stress. When people become stressed sometimes they do not make good choices and you want to make good choices.
Concerning your therapist, should you tell him? If you feel your past is something you want to talk about then talk about it, it may help. 
A therapist has a code called ACA Code of Ethics they must adhere by or they can loose their license to practice. One of the "rules" or codes of ethics is a therapist cannot allow personal feeling, morals, or their own private values to come into play when working with a client. This means they cannot let their thoughts concerning anything their client has done or said to become a part of therapy. The first rule of the ACA Code of Ethics is the "welfare of the client" meaning the care of the client comes before anything else. Care meaning the care of therapy a therapist gives.
So, your therapist cannot judge you or tell you what you did was wrong because the therapist would be breaking the code of ethics. 
Just another thought for you to think about, we do not all live in the same society. Ever society has their own set of rules, standards that makes the society a group, a society. So you cannot judge yourself by society as societies are just a group of people with like ideals, like values, and/or religious values. 
If your therapist wants to "go" into your past and if you are not comfortable talking about it then tell your therapist you do not want to discuss your past. Then the therapist has to comply with what you want not what the therapist wants.
You also have the right to ask What model of therapy is your therapist using. This is important to know because some therapy models place importance on the past. Two therapies that work quite well and do not go into your past are CBT and REBT. You can ask your therapist to explain these to you and the therapist should because you asked.
So, don't stress about your past, we all have done and will continue to do things we may later feel is/was not right. But it may have been right for the moment so that is what you need to think about, what you did was right for you at that time and do not give it another thought. You are placing a lot of stress and worry on yourself which is not good for you at all.
Just be happy and don't worry because every day is a new beginning.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

It seems like it might tie in with the same emotional issues you're trying to work through in therapy, so yes, I would discuss it with the therapist.


----------



## jellybelly12 (Jul 28, 2014)

I think it's always a topic you can ease into. So, if you're not comfortable right now talking about, then don't. But I do think that eventually you might want to consider bringing it up, since it's having an effect on other parts of your life..


----------



## Astron92 (Nov 9, 2016)

I would, when you feel ready to tell them. Not sure if you're seeing a therapist exclusively for relationships, SA, or both, but either way it still probably affects those to a degree.


----------



## RockmanJL9981 (Aug 23, 2012)

dont tell em everything all at once--do it in small steps


----------



## DoctorM5 (Jul 5, 2017)

I think it would be very healthy for you to tell your therapist this. Therapy is a safe space where you can get all of your struggles out. By giving your therapist this information, you are only bettering your therapeutic outcome. I know that it may be anxiety provoking, but I believe you'd feel better after doing this. Giving your therapist as much information as possible is always welcomed.


----------



## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

I would tell your therapist. There is no doubt they hear far worse. 

Also, no offense, but why would a woman attempt to solve her loneliness by working as a prostitute? You'd be risking physical abuse, STDs, and of course your self-esteem. If you just wanted sex then, assuming you aren't completely physically unattractive, an 18-year-old girl could go up to any guy, ask for sex, and have like a 50% - 75% chance of him saying yes. I seem to remember that that percentage is based on actual studies done. A significant chunk of those guys would also be open for a relationship if you wanted greater intimacy. Online dating would give similar results. 

To put that opportunity in context, if you were a male and went around asking females for either sex or a relationship, your success rate would be no higher than 0%.


----------



## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

sighsigh said:


> I would tell your therapist. There is no doubt they hear far worse.
> 
> Also, no offense, but why would a woman attempt to solve her loneliness by working as a prostitute? You'd be risking physical abuse, STDs, and of course your self-esteem. If you just wanted sex then, assuming you aren't completely physically unattractive, an 18-year-old girl could go up to any guy, ask for sex, and have like a 50% - 75% chance of him saying yes. I seem to remember that that percentage is based on actual studies done. A significant chunk of those guys would also be open for a relationship if you wanted greater intimacy. Online dating would give similar results.
> 
> *To put that opportunity in context, if you were a male and went around asking females for either sex or a relationship, your success rate would be no higher than 0%.*


:roll

Right, because no guy ever gets laid/a relationship by asking for it.

Also, OP obviously had her reasons for turning to prostitution, none of which she has to share here. It could be that guaranteed sex from grateful men, while also getting a little money, was the best scenario she had at the time. Sounds pretty good to me.

ETA: To actually answer the thread question, I'd definitely tell your therapist if you feel able to. Anything you can tell them will obviously give them greater insight into how to help.


----------

