# I don't see my own reflection in the mirror



## PerfectHallucination (Mar 31, 2012)

First: I'm not a new member; I had to create this new account because I couldn't write this with my "real" account. I've released pics of my face many times on this post-a pic-of-your-face-right-now-thread and now it's possible that someone who knows me in real has realized that I use this forum and I wouldn't like if this someone get to know how insane girl I am.

Anyway, the point of this thread is that I don't know anymore what kind of mental disorders do I have. I have SA and severe depression, that's for sure. Lately I've suspected that I may have schizophrenia because almost all of this disorder's symptoms are same that I have. 
I've been diagnosed with aspergers too, but I don't think that I really have it. I know I'm not normal and there's something wrong with me but it can't be aspergers.
My little brother, one girl in my class and her brother have all aspergers and I am totally different to them. I can't find many of aspergers-symptoms out of me (really the only one symptom that I have is my extremely poor social skills, but I guess I'm like this only because I haven't had friends for years and I rarely socialize with people). I've taken many online asperger-tests and never scored that high that I could have aspergers. When my psychologist diagnosed me with aspergers she didn't do any kind of tests for me, in her eyes it was obvious that I have aspergers because my brother has it too (it's common that relatives have it).

It may be that I've been diagnosed with a wrong disorder because I haven't tell everything about myself to my psychologist. Some of the things that I haven't tell her is that I see hallucinations and hear voices, I have paranoid thoughts sometimes, I really hate myself, I get panic attacks often and I'm going to do suicide some day. 
I haven't tell her and I'll never do it because I'm scared that if I do it I find myself soon in a mental hospital. I know that mental hospital is not a right palce for me, I wouldn't never get better there.

How do I solve what's wrong with me? Do you think it's likely that I may have a schizophrenia?

Sorry my poor english, I'm just not a native enlish speaker.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*yes*

It sounds alot like schizophrenia.
And there is an easy way to tell a therapist you are suicidal without getting locked up. I know, becuase i used to do it. I just told them "I used to think about killing myself- how i would do it, where etc" then tell them you dont feel that way anymore but tell them the other symptoms. Also dont say what the voices say if its really bad. make it up. That way you sill get pills to stop the voices, but you dont get locked up. You can tell about what you see, unless its you doing bad things in which case i wouldn't. make up stuff there that coralats. get your story straight before hand.

good luck. I know you'll get through this!

If you feel like it, (an since its an anon) could you tell me what you hear or see?"


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## PerfectHallucination (Mar 31, 2012)

I'm not going to tell her, I don't want to take risk to get locked up.
The voices that I hear always tell me that I'm ugly, stupid, insane, weird, I deserve this and so on. They tell me things that make me feel just worse. 
And the things that I see.. It's really hard to find a words to describe them, they're something really weird. I don't know what they are. All that I can say is that when I see them I know always they're not real. I've tried to touch them, but I can't feel them. My hand just goes through of this weird thing and disappear to inside of it. I can't explain this better.


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## Ichigo91 (Feb 21, 2012)

Maybe you should try and show her that there is something you really want to tell her but you don't want to because you are afraid to get locked up, and if she would promise to listen and help you in anyway without going to that direction. You shouldn't worry about getting locked up it doesn't just happen so easy, but please explain her your problems it will also make you feel better.


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## PerfectHallucination (Mar 31, 2012)

Telling my problems to her wouldn't make me feel better, just worse. The risk of getting locked up would still exist. I don't trust her, I don't really trust anyone.


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## moya (Feb 16, 2012)

I've been diagnosed with something in the schizophrenia spectrum. I get paranoid delusions, ideas of reference, degradation of my social skills, I start isolating myself, etc. AND I have depressed episodes where I'm suicidal. And you know what? I've never been locked up, even when I told my therapist about the suicidal thoughts.

Coincidentally enough, some counselor tried to talk me into having autism before I got proper therapy as well even though I don't have it and wasn't tested for it. I did online tests as well and score about a '5', which is even far below the the autism qutient of even an average, non-autistic person.

If you're ANYTHING like me, you're probably thinking that I'm trying to bull**** you here and that it's just 'too much of a coincidence' that I've gone through the same stuff you have, soo I understand. But... try to be open and honest about it with your therapist. If you're convinced that you're not going to do anything drastic soon, say that and ask for the proper medication. Some anti-psychotics or anti-depressants. And by all means, if you're really 16, talk to your parents about it.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling the way you do. :/ But schizophrenia isn't the end of the world. It definitely isn't for me. It's hard *** work, but some aspects of it can be rewarding.


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## crazyg (Jun 18, 2005)

I've known a few people who have schizophrenia and they had delusions and all that and they weren't locked up. They received medication and they are living their lives. I think it's actually pretty hard to put someone in a mental facility nowadays. It probably requires more than just telling someone you've seen hallucinations. But I can definitely understand your worry; it especially makes sense since you're having paranoid thoughts. It would be great to get some help though.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*it is scary*

But yeah, since the late 70's the only things people get locked up for are harm to others or themselves, or if they believe you will cause harm to yourself or others. that's about it. ANd your life can be turned around so much by the right meds! Hang in there.:hug


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## tuneindropout (Nov 14, 2011)

crazyg said:


> I've known a few people who have schizophrenia and they had delusions and all that and they weren't locked up. They received medication and they are living their lives. I think it's actually pretty hard to put someone in a mental facility nowadays. It probably requires more than just telling someone you've seen hallucinations. But I can definitely understand your worry; it especially makes sense since you're having paranoid thoughts. It would be great to get some help though.


^Agreed! Don't you want help? Therapists are here to help, not to lock you up : ( They just want you to find peace in your life. I wold be honest and open as possible.


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