# Appraoched over 15 girls at club last night! Amazing story! Must read!



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

You want to read an amzing story...read my blog about approaching girl at a bar last night.. i approached over 15+ girls...

check it out here:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...-bars-last-night-approach-over-15-girls-7754/


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

Woo!! Great job!!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

^Thanks! whoo hoo!


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## josh23 (Nov 26, 2010)

Well done playa!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

^i'm no playa! but damn i feel like one at least for a day! haha thanks! whoot!


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

*cool mac-daddy!*

I actually read all of your blog-post! You really must have had a lot of fun!

You made a few references to other blog-posts throughout, so I don't know your recent history. Do you live out on your own? How did you come to know your current friend, Ryan? It really helps to have a 'wingman' or wingmen in these situations even if he's already attached to someone else. As far as your theory for 'social proof', there was a study a while back citing social media and the attractiveness of certain people. With a higher number of contacts, especially female contacts, the male candidate looked more promising. So maybe there is some truth to that claim.

Having confidence is obviously an important thing. Truly, people like people who make them feel good. I think that really ties into confidence. There are all sorts of elements of what can be perceived as confidence too. I spent some time hanging out with an Army guy a few weeks back, he11 of a nice guy. If anyone in my age group had confidence, in its purest form, he had it. He wasn't cocky, he just knew what he wanted and wasn't ashamed of his pursuits.

The difficult thing is how to cultivate confidence, when you are 'missing' or perceive yourself to be missing things that your peers have. I'm insecure about so many things and I cling to them, which only compounds the problem. While I've definitely come a long way from who I was a year ago, I still feel like I am missing some critical puzzle pieces. I am also afraid of falling back into depression. That really scares the heck out of me.

That Chase guy sounds pretty awesome. I would reciprocate with a case of some brew he enjoys or offer to buy him pizza (at the very least). A good dead should not go unnoticed!


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

Wow, man. I don't know how you managed to do that. My friends have tried encouraging me to approach girls at clubs... i can't even hear people talk in most clubs, i don't think i could have much of a conversation lol. That's the main thing putting me off, i don't like the environment, even without anxiety... how can i approach a girl if i can't hear a damn? I'm really bad at filtering out speech in noisy environments.

Anyway, i'll stop going on about my own self-defeatistness. That's pretty awesome, grats 

That blog post is ridiculously long though  You're right though, confidence, attitude, social proof, they all have an effect...


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## xhtc (Jul 13, 2011)

That's amazing what you did , I am so jealous :clap:clap:clap


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Paragon said:


> That's the main thing putting me off, i don't like the environment, even without anxiety... how can i approach a girl if i can't hear a damn? I'm really bad at filtering out speech in noisy environments.


Oh, I know what you mean. We (ryan and his new girlfriend) went as a group and we were supposed to see a blues band but ended up going to a whole bunch of different bars and clubs instead. I didn't even want to go to a bar because every time I go I can't hear ****. The first couple bars we went to weren't that loud I could actually hear pretty well. The club was real loud though but by that time I was so pumped I must of been talking face to face real close. I remember I had to do a lot of very close conversations and I could hear most if not everything people were saying. Idk, I guess it was the high energy I had people could hear me and I could them lol...idk... i personally haven't liked bars very much myself but had a blast this time i went. I guess when your pumped you vocalize much better...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

sherbert said:


> I actually read all of your blog-post! You really must have had a lot of fun!
> 
> You made a few references to other blog-posts throughout, so I don't know your recent history. Do you live out on your own? How did you come to know your current friend, Ryan? It really helps to have a 'wingman' or wingmen in these situations even if he's already attached to someone else. As far as your theory for 'social proof', there was a study a while back citing social media and the attractiveness of certain people. With a higher number of contacts, especially female contacts, the male candidate looked more promising. So maybe there is some truth to that claim.
> 
> ...


Yes, I do live on my own with my dad but my dad drives over the road gone all the time so I am basically here by myself. Before that I lived by myself in an apartment. Ryan I knew from high school but back then I made hardly no attempts to socialize beyond one or two close friends at the time, but ironically just having those friends I did moderate of enough social events. I saw Ryan again about 2-3 years ago when I started to want to meet more people and I made sure to get his number and stay in touch. I guess he needed a buddy as much as I did because we started hanging out more and more during the week and now we go to the gym together and everything 5-6 times a week. Ryan appears shy but he is extremely well known everywhere he goes it's amazing. I asked him why and he said it's because he used to party a lot when he was younger and he lived in the same town most his life and it just builds up from there. He also told me during high school he hung out with a kid who knew everyone and he claims that is another way he got to know a lot of people. I can see where he is coming from because just by making an effort to go out every weekend I've met an incredible amount of people. Heck, even at work without trying I have numerous phone numbers and one guy wants me to play in a band with him. I sound very sociable but I don't really go out to socialize unless it is the weekend and sometimes I don't go out at all for months when I'm not motivated to do so. This all shows me how easy and fast it is to make friends if you try and are open. Hopefully I can get to the point with women as well, and the process applies to women as well as men; it is the same friendship making process. The only reason I don't have many females friends is because I haven't tried enough beyond online dating websites which were a joke for me but I have had some very good opportunities at chipotles were I previously worked for a few years before where I work now but the girls annoyed the **** out of me we weren't compatible.

Ryan hardly approaches anyone with the intention of a date. He just knows so many damn people they approach him. You wouldn't believe how many girls approach him simply because they are friends, and really, it should be that way. Girls need males friends and vise versa. Nothign wrong with that and I've become extremely open to all friends who come my way regardless of sex. Everyone is pretty much cool when you get to know them. Ryan still lives his dad but we have shared an apartment together briefly as well last year.

Haha, yeah, I did buy chase a around after he did that. He was a really nice guy for sure.

What puzzle pieces do you think your missing?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

xhtc said:


> That's amazing what you did , I am so jealous :clap:clap:clap


Thanks man! Go try it for yourself!


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## johnstamos (Sep 9, 2010)

you make remarks about how social proof is important, but how are you supposed to achieve this when you go to bars and clubs alone? I've been to bars alone a few times and it seems like the girls there flat out ignore me, but when I go with a group all of the sudden everyone wants to talk with me. It's seriously night and day, when I go alone whenever I try and start conversation people literally tell me to F off (for what its worth I don't suffer from social anxiety anymore, just some approach anxiety with girls and bad social skills). 

It's extremely hard to motivate yourself to be social without a group that will sort of "jumpstart" you into being a confident and outgoing version of yourself, it's almost like you have to go into the bar as a different person. 

It seems like you had an extremely cathartic experience and had a social high, I can see how someone could get this way especially if they never crash and burn BUT i've also had similar experiences like that (though not nearly as successful with the ladies, I didn't get any numbers) but it's extremely easy to regress your next time out, and even easier to get discouraged. 

I guess my question would be how to get into this state of mind (when you're by yourself) and without achieving any prior success. Is it almost like just not caring? Being free and uninhibited? Letting yourself get taken away by the atmosphere? I'm seriously envious of you lol


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Ive approached over two hundred girls at the malls, stores, and whatever and only got one number. Im not ugly either I hope.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

johnstamos said:


> you make remarks about how social proof is important, but how are you supposed to achieve this when you go to bars and clubs alone? I've been to bars alone a few times and it seems like the girls there flat out ignore me, but when I go with a group all of the sudden everyone wants to talk with me. It's seriously night and day, when I go alone whenever I try and start conversation people literally tell me to F off (for what its worth I don't suffer from social anxiety anymore, just some approach anxiety with girls and bad social skills).
> 
> It's extremely hard to motivate yourself to be social without a group that will sort of "jumpstart" you into being a confident and outgoing version of yourself, it's almost like you have to go into the bar as a different person.
> 
> ...


I can uinderstand what your saying here, but one thing about me is I sincerely believe this is possible more frequently than a random coincidence. I know that because I see people do it all the time. My lesbians sisters do it all that time lol. I know people personally who do it all the time. I'm not saying I won't get rejected. Basically, you can at the very least control your attitude and vibe and what you do while your their and attitude is everything. People respond well to good energy. Honestly, why would anyone deliberately be mean to you at a club? Most people are nice people. Women react negatively towards men at bars because they are hit on all night but that doesn't mean they are nasty people. Being social in a bar makes you look safe and people are more open to people who do not appear to have any objectives or are weary, etc.

I realized I made a big deal of social proof in that blog. I personally feel you can go to a bar alone and have the same experience. I wrote another blog that basically sums up your questions you asked me:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...en-the-steps-to-becoming-confident-with-7786/

Also, I personally feel it depends how much you want to do it. If you go to a bar or club and DO NOT socialize because you do not want to then it probably isn't going to work. Best bet is to sit down at the bar for a little bit, grab a beer, spot someone at the bar you'd liek to talk to and just start chatting them up. Then when that's done just keep your eyes open for any girls and go over there and start chatting them up. no one really cares if your walking from the bar back and forth. That is all in your mind. No one cares but you. I wouldn't put all my money on social proof. If your a friendly, inviting and open person who has good conversation then your fine most he time anyway. I wouldn't go to a bar alone anymore unless I had no other choice though. I find it much easier and funner when you go with a person. In fact, most the time I find bars boring. I walked into the dance floor alone and started chatting to everyone. Why can't we do that any night? We can.

Also think of it this way, if you need that group of people to hang out with all night try to find someone you can do it with that night at the bar until they leave and then find someone else at another bar, etc. You'll make friends that way too. I've done that before.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Ive approached over two hundred girls at the malls, stores, and whatever and only got one number. Im not ugly either I hope.


Have you really approached over 200 women in person?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> Have you really approached over 200 women in person?


 Yes, probably more. It was everywhere especially at university. It was awkward. So i stopped.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Yes, probably more. It was everywhere especially at university. It was awkward. So i stopped.


Wow, and you sincerely think it is because they way you look? Do you think it could of been something else? What typically happened? How did you approach and what did they say? How did the conversations typically go?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> Wow, and you sincerely think it is because they way you look? Do you think it could of been something else? What typically happened? How did you approach and what did they say? How did the conversations typically go?


Many ignored me. I dont think it was because it was how i Looked it was more of my body language because i was only approaching girls to get laid and it didnt feel right. Now this was five or six years ago so I cant fully remmeber how they went because I used david deangelo pick up and it backfired. For instance, i would use the line: "hey youre attracted to me give me your number so we can have a cup of coffee and have some stimulating conversation". it was horrible. No wonder only one girl gave her number..


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Many ignored me. I dont think it was because it was how i Looked it was more of my body language because i was only approaching girls to get laid and it didnt feel right. Now this was five or six years ago so I cant fully remmeber how they went because I used david deangelo pick up and it backfired. For instance, i would use the line: "hey youre attracted to me give me your number so we can have a cup of coffee and have some stimulating conversation". it was horrible. No wonder only one girl gave her number..


Before you think I have all the answers, I don't, but I do think most women want to be approached in a way that doesn't always seem like you hitting on them. So for instance, observation can come into play. What is she doing at the university for instance? Let's say she's sitting down studying. Before you approach her your best bet is to notice a few things:

1. Where she is studying? Is she studying in a small table for two? Is she studying at a large table for 4 or 6? Is she at a cubicle and other cubicles are next to her? You pay attention to this because if she is at a cubicle for instance you can ick the one next to her, start pulling out your books and ask her what she's studying and start from there. Don't make it look like your using a pick up line on her!

2. What is she wearing? You can comment on something that stands out about her because she probably gets comments on it all the time and so that is a normal way to open up for conversation. Once again your NOT out of the blue up in her face saying give me your number. Instead, you noticed something that interested you and you wanted to ask her about it and she will be much more open to conversation.

3. Is she with someone? If she is with someone then you need to approach in a way like the other ways in such that it is either an observation or curiosity. Once again, if you appear sincere and so compelled by curiosity with the right vibe about you then she will not reject your approach.

Those girls at the bars and club I went to, I didn't approach like I wanted their numbers or that I wanted a girlfriend or trying to get something from them. They way they probably looked at it was that I went over to them because I was having fun meeting new people and they didn't question my vibe or sense any objective of mine but to meet new people and start conversations. If you approach a certain way that makes it look like you want something from her she's going to have her walls up because it's awkward. If you approach because you make an observation and appear compelled to ask her she will not initially think your trying to hit on her, but if she does then it isn't like your saying "Hi, I'm bob. You want to give me your number. What's your number?". It's all about how you approach and your vibe and attitude. People approach people all the time because they are bored and want to talk, etc. You make it want to appear your one of those people and not a guy who is going over there because you want to get her number. If you appear friendly and positive energy she will most likely not reject you.

It doesn't matter how you approach in a lot of instances if you approach with high confidence and a high positive attitude. If you want to get a number get a number when you feel you two have made some sort of bond. Don't ask for a number too early because you did not make a connection with her. Always focus on a connection. I approached many girls before with the assumption that they will give me their numbers before I made a sincere connection and they will take the time to get to know me through phone or a date when I ask them out. Horrible approach and I honestly didn't' realize I was doing that until recently.

But let me just say before you think I'm 100% percent on this whole thing because I'm not. I'm more like 70-80% positive this is the right approach. It is all in how you approach and your attitude and each situation takes a little bit of ingenuity to approach looking like that guy with the right attitude and vibe. So just really focus on the attitude and the vibe you put off and you'll do much better.

Focus on how this guy's ENERGY is and HOW he approaches. You should be focusing on your energy and vibe and your approach is much more likely to be reciprocated:

http://www.youtube.com/user/DavidWygant#p/u/72/VFOPe2H3vbI


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> Before you think I have all the answers, I don't, but I do think most women want to be approached in a way that doesn't always seem like you hitting on them. So for instance, observation can come into play. What is she doing at the university for instance? Let's say she's sitting down studying. Before you approach her your best bet is to notice a few things:
> 
> 1. Where she is studying? Is she studying in a small table for two? Is she studying at a large table for 4 or 6? Is she at a cubicle and other cubicles are next to her? You pay attention to this because if she is at a cubicle for instance you can ick the one next to her, start pulling out your books and ask her what she's studying and start from there. Don't make it look like your using a pick up line on her!
> 
> ...


Thanks for your help/advice I was feeling very desperate at the time looking for a girlfriend and trying to get laid just based on apperance. Now i just want to focus on meeting people in general and make friends since I dont have any female friends. Good job on your triumph! I enjoy reading your posts.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Thanks for your help/advice I was feeling very desperate at the time looking for a girlfriend and trying to get laid just based on apperance. Now i just want to focus on meeting people in general and make friends since I dont have any female friends. Good job on your triumph! I enjoy reading your posts.


Thank you and wish you the best!


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## johnstamos (Sep 9, 2010)

yeah I think the best advice someone has given me is to just relax and live in the moment, stop thinking about making friends and impressing girls and just "be" and have a good time


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## Silent E (Jun 29, 2010)

......swag.......


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

johnstamos said:


> yeah I think the best advice someone has given me is to just relax and live in the moment, stop thinking about making friends and impressing girls and just "be" and have a good time


While I agree with this to an extent. For most of us we need to make a decision in an instance and act on it. If I was to just "be" going out to bars I wouldn't approach anyone. At least for me, I have to push myself that first or second time and then that energy I feel and I can react off that and doing more "being" in the moment if that makes sense. It's like momentum or a snowball effect that starts small but builds and drives on with more force the longer it rolls on.

I think another important aspect of approaching, once again, is the energy and state your in. If your stale in your emotions and in the wrong mind frame or with the wrong attitude you need to "warm up" by talking to people around you in with the attitude you want to project when you approach a woman. Eventually if you act long enough you typically will feel much more high energy and optimistic and confident and the momentum has started, and now all you have to do is do more approaching and more talking and before you know it your insecurities are totally absent and you went from insecure to having a blast and excited to talk to people! I sense that feeling just thinking about it! If you can approach a woman with that momentum and confidence your more than likely going to get her to be open and friendly with you. She has to to match your energy and positivity!

Personally, I find it kind of fascinating how that works. It's definitely interesting and definitely powerful! And it works!


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## psgchisolm (Jul 8, 2011)

Good Job! This was only one battle, but now you see the answer to the war. Keep on going.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

psgchisolm said:


> Good Job! This was only one battle, but now you see the answer to the war. Keep on going.


Yeah! That's EXACTLY how I feel too! lol

Thank you for your support! It makes me feel great!


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

bwidger85 said:


> Ryan hardly approaches anyone with the intention of a date. He just knows so many damn people they approach him. You wouldn't believe how many girls approach him simply because they are friends, and really, it should be that way. Girls need males friends and vise versa. Nothing wrong with that and I've become extremely open to all friends who come my way regardless of sex. Everyone is pretty much cool when you get to know them. Ryan still lives his dad but we have shared an apartment together briefly as well last year.
> 
> Haha, yeah, I did buy chase a around after he did that. He was a really nice guy for sure.
> 
> What puzzle pieces do you think your missing?


ohhhh si&* bwidger you have just entered the guru phase!! Now you're gonna start touring with Tony Robbins and hosting fire-walking demonstrations. LOL.

Anyways, thanks for replying. What puzzle-pieces do I think that I am missing? A career path. I have been struggling for the past few years, trying to decide what would work for me, what I could see myself getting paid to do without much success. One of the best ways to get information is to ask people, which I have shied away from.

Another external puzzle piece: a place of my own. That's mainly a result of my ambiguity over a career/school major. I get just enough money and hours at my current job to pay bills, but not enough to live on my own. Fortunately, I do happen to like the work (most of the time).

Thirdly, I don't have many friends. I put forth serious effort to gain friendship-- I would pace hours before making phone calls. All but one of my friends lives more than thirty minutes away, it's not an ideal situation for expanding your social circle.

My situation is obviously not impossible, there are a lot of opportunities out there to pursue, but I am struggling with my multitude of goals. I think I have an new idiom: try to go everything done and go nowhere, try to get a few things done and be finished. Maybe Ben Franklin has a more elegant variant on that? He has a quote for everything.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

sherbert said:


> ohhhh si&* bwidger you have just entered the guru phase!! Now you're gonna start touring with Tony Robbins and hosting fire-walking demonstrations. LOL.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for replying. What puzzle-pieces do I think that I am missing? A career path. I have been struggling for the past few years, trying to decide what would work for me, what I could see myself getting paid to do without much success. One of the best ways to get information is to ask people, which I have shied away from.
> 
> ...


Haha @ the tony robbins thing! That was pretty funny!

If your speaking about missing puzzle pieces with regard to being "successful" witht he oppostie sex then I say you don't need anyone of those things (or a lot of) to meet women and date them. Those things are only barriers in your mind or maybe even excuses that you can't do it, and here's why:

I'm almost in the same exact situation as you. I live with my dad. I am 25 without a proper college education who is also deciding to go back to college. I make minimum wage. I do have friends now but I only am truly "close" to my friend Ryan. However, if I wanted to, I am confident I can make close friends relatively easy, and I have many people I could call now.

I don't bring this up to brag but to give a perspective, and that perspective is that the sooner you act the better. There is never a right time to do anything. This is kind of what they call living in the moment and all that fun stuff. Pretty much, you can meet women having little money; with having no friends; while living with your parents. It don't matter. Rejection will happen whether your rich, famous, poor, insecure, confident....and on the other hand, success will happen with the same variance. If you do what you want to do right now then your always better off, and you'll see what I mean when you get to that place you want to be, but I will also be the first to admit it is hard to see when you aren't there or haven't experienced it, but I know what I'm talking about. It's true.


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