# First meeting with new therapist



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Well, I had my meet and greet with CBT therapist number two, and she seems really cool. Sort of a mum type, which is good. I find it hard to be therapized by a young total hottie. Sorry to any young total hotties considering being therapists, but I prefer my therapists a little old and wrinkly.

So we went through all the past history and stuff, made me realise just how much I have done / been through in my time. Felt good actually, to realise how far I've come since starting CBT back in 2003.

She wants to work on defining 'old and new belief systems', which I guess is going to be like making a map of my current brain terrain, and then drawing up a new one to try and navigate by.

I've started reading "Mind over mood" by Padesky and Greenberger, and am looking at something new - My view of the world, instead of my view of me IN the world. The new belief I am trying to look for evidence for is "Sometimes other people treat me as an equal and with regard" after I found a belief in my head that said everyone was trying to beat or belittle me. Its nice to go out looking for postives actually. I've found three bits of evidence already :b 

Have started on a short course of beta-blockers too. Its nice to have some respite from the high-adrenaline sensation of anxiety for a bit. Ahhhhhhh .... :yay

Ross


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## foxtrot (Feb 17, 2007)

good luck with your new CBTer Ross; totally agree with you I couldnt handle a therapist who i found hot! Id be all over the place. Is this NHS or are you going private?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Its NHS! I've been waiting 13 months to see her - thats why I retained my old CBT therapist for phone contact (not NHS, quite pricey).

Just got a call from an old buddy who was up on a conference. Went out for a drink and meal with him and his friend - was first bit of social practice I've had for a while, felt strange / different to before. Less desire to be stunning and was more relaxed. Was good fun and found myself feeling relaxed and just enjoying the moment, even sitting through silences quite comfortably. Started to feel a little uncomfortable / socially spent later so I decided to go home. It felt good to not have a 'social agenda'. I realised lately I always go into social settings with something I want to achieve, like be hilarious or clever or whatever. At first it was disorienting, not having the agenda - but then it was just nice to be in the moment, just shooting the breeze.

Listening to my body is a good idea.

Ross


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

wow, 13 months to see a therapist? It took me shorter time to get into a revered pain clinic.


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## ted_ginn (Nov 15, 2005)

Hey Ross,

I just wanted to tell you good luck with your new therapist.  No matter what, just stay positive and do your best to overcome this crap. :yes


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

Yeah man, CBT is the way to go. Keep us updated!


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## princessorwhat (Mar 30, 2007)

Sounds great. I like this idea of looking for evidence for those positive things, I think I'll steal that idea from you and start doing it myself.

I think you're doing really great, working so hard at your SA. Just keep up the good work and be proud of yourself!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Thanks for all the supportive comments, I really appreciate them!! :squeeze

Ross


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

My therapist is a young hotty and I find I get along better with those than old wrinkly people =D. Hehe. 

Finally getting a psychotherapist was a VERY positive thing in my life. He's very smart and I don't have a problem with him. I almost trust him. I feel safer with him because he sticks simply to neutrality, logical analysis and (ofcourse) understanding me (as is his job). He casually acknowledged the positives of my cutting and because of that he won intellectual honesty points with me; I respect intellectual honesty in people. I've taken this as a sign that I can be more open with him regarding my view-point on things. I need to respect him. Though I wonder if he realizes it's about that and not my needing validation. 

My psychiatrist used to talk to me when I didn't have a psychotherapist yet. She was nice and I liked her. But she didn't approach it in a very psychotherapist way and I guess I really shouldn't have thought of it like psychotherapy in the first place. I also find it difficult to open up to those who are much older than I. 

So therapy rocks, huh?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Indeed it does, and as far as I can tell its the actual face to face part that adds so much to the process. I massively respected my last therapist, he could always beat me in an argument of logic - which is good as he was a CBT dude!!

Do you discuss your sexuality with him? I find it really hard to bring up the bedroom side of my nature with my therapists.

Ross


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

Haha. I'm... still working up to that :fall


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## Vintz (Apr 22, 2007)

For me, talking about sexuality was the hardest part, and also the most rewarding. I had to build up some serious trust before I could start talking about sex. It was a major milestone in my path to recovery though, hopefully you'll be able to build a good relationship with your therapist to the point where you can talk about anything.

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I would be nervous as hell to be your therapist Ross, you know your ****! Your advice has been really helpful for me. It must be like having Andre Agassi as a tennis student or something to that effect.


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Good luck with therapy yeah_yeah_yeah!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Thanks all for the words of encouragement - had my second session today.

Vintz I think you are right - my therapist IS having a hard time!! Everything she recommends I go "Tried that. Tried that. Didn't work ...". She thinks because I actually put myself into social situations then I can't be that bad. Isn't one of the diagnosing factors of social phobia that you "may put yourself in anxiety producing situations but endure them with discomfort"?

She said she felt social skills training and beliefs work was what I need, and I countered with "I have over 100 books on social skills and have attended practical, real world seminars to train my social skills. What always scuppers me is the fact I am so anxious. I attended a dating seminar and had to leave due to a panic attack". She looked rather crestfallen, poor woman.

When I asked what homework I should do, she said "well it seems you've read pretty much everything there is and tried a lot of what I would recommend, so its difficult to actually know what to say.".

The only encouraging thing really was that according to my report I show "higher than average levels of depression, anxiety and distress than an average psychology outpatient population", so at least I'm being taken seriously. 

But I feel like I'm being an awkward ba*tard, almost like its my fault I'm not getting better ... anyone else felt like this when it comes to medics?? My physician / GP said he'd given up prescribing me meds because I've tried so many - thats why he passed me on to the psychiatrist for re-assessment.

Anyway not sure where I'm going with this. Just venting I suppose - my turn!!

Ross


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Wow, I don't know what to say to you. Seems like you are trying your utmost best. Sorry about your therapist words. I'm clueless. I'm so sorry. At least you have a piano to enjoy and jam with. Something positive right? :lol


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Brax,
Thanks for sharing what your sessions are like and what makes a good therapist in your opinion/experience. Sometimes I think of becoming a therapist and I would rather be intellectually honest and show the person I trust them by not overreacting or judging. BUT then I think, what if my emotions get the better of me and I say something like, DON'T CUT YOURSELF, THAT'S BAD FOR YOU!!..................I think a reaction like that is just fear of the therapist coming out. They all probably want to help so much, but feel inadequate at times.............am I making any sense? Anyway, thanks for sharing that.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Gerard said:


> Wow, I don't know what to say to you. Seems like you are trying your utmost best. Sorry about your therapist words. I'm clueless. I'm so sorry. At least you have a piano to enjoy and jam with. Something positive right? :lol


I think I need to give her a chance - its only been two sessions. I'm working through the book right now and am seeing some small advances, so thats good. I guess I just need to build up some trust with her first, and let my enormous distrust of medics take a back seat for a while ...

:lol

Ross


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## elasere (May 5, 2007)

Why did you change therapists? You said that the previous one was good.

Today was my third session with this guy and it was kind of disappointing (non CBT). I think he didn't know what to do with me. I may have to push to be changed to a CBT specialist.

~Ian


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

I moved away from the area where I had my previous therapist. In addition he was not focusing on SA as my chief diagnosis - it was depression back then. Hence the SA kind of stayed in place - thats anohter key point when choosing a therapist.. Make sure they are experienced and open to different possibilities.

Ross


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## elasere (May 5, 2007)

I see. Thanks. 

I was assigned to this therapist because the way it works with my plan is that there are a couple of sessions at first to diagnose the problem and then he would recommend who to see next. He told me that my SA was low and what I needed was more confidence( I am not sure how you can separate these). He then suggested to stick with him for a few more sessions and continue with the CBT book I had (Dying of Embarrassment) while discussing things as they came up. Afterwards I would decide where to go next.

What I am seeing is kind of he does not know what to do, so I may cut this stage short and ask for CBT. I'll go one more session anyway.

BTW I like your posts. I find them very useful and I can tell that you have researched SA and CBT thoroughly.

~Ian


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