# always seeking stimulation



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

anyone else similar or know why i'm like this? should it be considered a big issue?

i think i have this problem.

i can't really figure out why i do - possibly the A.D.D., or hypomania?

i always feel like i _need _to feel something else other than nothing/boredom/normalcy.

it's in both minor things to more major.

i.e. if i'm just sitting on my computer i feel like i want to do something else since it's not satisfying enough or just plain boring. just anything that produces some kind of physiological reaction - particularly a release of endorphins even though the habits are pretty varied and don't exactly all release endorphins.

other minor things i like to do that produce some kind of brief physiological reaction: binge eating (kicked that habit though!); self-injury (not often, but when i do these days it's not out of anything depression related); masturbation/porn (yea i don't care who reads that); weird obsessive habits like picking at my skin; as well as really really heavy and loud music, to the point where it affects more than just my hearing and i can actually feel it in my body (why i love concerts and live music so much).

and then there are other more major things: drinking, and really getting drunk when i can feel it; smoking weed (i still do it in moderation though); stimulants (caffeine, mild amphetamines like adderall and ritalin)..

i do all of these in moderation, including the drugs, so they aren't exactly a very big issue right now. it's just the fact that i can't really get anything done because i always have to do something else that at least produces some kind of physiological reaction, and if i'm not i'm just completely ****ing bore out of my mind.

i'd actually say the most frustrating of these is that i can't get much work done because whenever i try to i always want to be doing something else. that's more like an ADD symptom, i think.

as well as the most unusual of these is that i always want to be social, despite that the SA/shyness/awkwardness is still very much there.

also i should note that this isn't an attempt to cover up any pain or make myself numb from depression, since that was treated long ago.


----------



## determinedtowin (Nov 19, 2008)

I can relate. It sounds related to ADD. Or - maybe it's all perfectly 'normal' and part of who you are. Make sure you learn how to channel this need into something positive - set yourself exciting and stimulating goals in life.


----------



## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I was and in ways still am very much like you, I do many of the things you list here, blast tunes, pick at my skin, etc. It's a quest for distraction. I did this with alcohol & marijuana until it brought me down deeper into my SA/depression. I no longer indugle in those but I do watch porn & when I've contemplated reasons why besides relief I've come to the conclusion that it's for distraction as well. I'm constantly looking for a distraction from my true feelings/emotions & it is a battle to find some peace in stillness, it's one reason I've taken up meditation. I also feel that part of this attitude or approach is influenced by society/culture in general, technology keeps going & going so naturally we all feel as though we should as well, despite the fact that's it's not always necessary or healthy. ADD & other mental conditions could/may be contributing to your actions/feelings as well, as all of it is rolled up into a tangled ball. 

If you feel it's a problem then maybe make conscious decision to fight any urges to move on to something else when you are already involved in one action. Or maybe try meditation as well & see where it takes you


----------



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

thanks for the responses guys



polythene said:


> I think it's partly just a personality trait (higher pleasure thresholds? surely there's a neurological explanation) and partly due to depression, and the habits one tends to collect because of it - whether or not you're currently depressed. My first reaction to your post was 'bipolar symptoms,' but that's probably not it. I also don't think it's necessarily related to ADD. Probably just the way you're wired.


i do have bipolar disorder actually, and when people are manic they tend to be more pleasure-seeking so it _could _be that.
i'm not sure if i should bring this up with my doctor. these habits aren't having a huge negative effect and tbh i feel a bit embarrassed talking about some of them and he'll probably overreact about them and risk telling my family..


----------



## solitarymonkey (Feb 15, 2009)

nothing to fear said:


> not sure if i should bring this up with my doctor. these habits aren't having a huge negative effect and tbh i feel a bit embarrassed talking about some of them and he'll probably overreact about them and risk telling my family..


by law, they can't, can they? doctor/patient confidentiality. if i remember from CSI, unless you are dead, not even police have full access to what your doctor knows without a warrant. so i dont think you need to worry about that :b


----------



## pook (Feb 8, 2009)

I can relate to your need to escape boredom. I am constantly picking up new things to do simply because I don't want to sit still long enough for the loneliness to hit me. Do whatever you need to do to stay occupied, just don't hurt yourself! I used to self harm a lot because it actually relaxed me enough to be normal for an hour or so. I'll be honest, I miss it a lot.


----------



## n1kkuh (Jul 11, 2008)

I can completely relate, but for the most part its been under my consciousness. I kind of just do it without thinking, its become a pretty big habit as my SA has increased. Its the reason why I suffer in school, every time I try to study and sit down I get distracted, only sometimes can I get absorbed into it. Also, have you noticed that your cognitive functioning has decreased as you became more and more distracted? I feel like my ability to think has decreased as I distract myself by watching television and seeking external stimulation as you said.

On a positive note, I've been meditating for a little while and I think it has helped me immensely. It teaches you to observe your thoughts and feelings as opposed to running away from them.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

How much porn do you watch?? (you really don't have to answer this.) Because interesting thing, I was reading an excerpt from an article online about how watching too much porn (and all activities involved) can make you more depressed than usual. Or maybe that was just for guys, I dunno? Well atleast I've found it to be somewhat valid. I'm hoping it's just a myth like the whole 'choking the chicken excessively makes you go blind' thing, because if that isn't the case, then I'm going to be one blind and depressed mutha****er!! haha


----------



## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

it sounds like the introvert / extrovert thing - introverts supposedly have higher internal arousal levels, so they try to avoid overstimulation in order to feel good, and extroverts are the opposite - they need more stimulation. which means extroverts are usually more outgoing, but SA would just block that outlet. 

i'm a total introvert and need to retreat to dark rooms every now and then for my sanity.


----------



## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

That's me... and I rarely get things done. If I'm going to get anything done, I can't be in my room/house. Nothing in my home is clean or organized, because I live here.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm the exact same way. I'm not sure what it is.... I'm afraid to ask anyone who might actually know. I know the disorders that it's common with, but I don't meet the necessary criteria for them (I'm obviously biased, so perhaps my opinion isn't sufficient to rule them out). 
I need stimulation all the time (sexually, adrenaline, or otherwise). I have to have access to something that provides this outlet as much as possible, otherwise I go insane. I get really antsy. It seems to have gotten worse through the years, too. I've always been this way, but it's gotten a bit...............................................excessive. And hard to deal with lately.


----------



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Jaiyyson said:


> How much porn do you watch?? (you really don't have to answer this.) Because interesting thing, I was reading an excerpt from an article online about how watching too much porn (and all activities involved) can make you more depressed than usual. Or maybe that was just for guys, I dunno? Well atleast I've found it to be somewhat valid. I'm hoping it's just a myth like the whole 'choking the chicken excessively makes you go blind' thing, because if that isn't the case, then I'm going to be one blind and depressed mutha****er!! haha


haha, not as much now since my internet is down (which is why i haven't been online, in a cafe now), but on an average day its 30-60 minutes. when i go several days without it and suddenly have access it's kind of excessive and i have a "porn day" where that's all i do... err.. heh.


----------



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Drella said:


> I'm the exact same way. I'm not sure what it is.... I'm afraid to ask anyone who might actually know. I know the disorders that it's common with, but I don't meet the necessary criteria for them (I'm obviously biased, so perhaps my opinion isn't sufficient to rule them out).
> I need stimulation all the time (sexually, adrenaline, or otherwise). I have to have access to something that provides this outlet as much as possible, otherwise I go insane. I get really antsy. It seems to have gotten worse through the years, too. I've always been this way, but it's gotten a bit...............................................excessive. And hard to deal with lately.


yeah exactly what it's like for me.

it's been a bit different lately since it's more to do with wanting to feel some outlet from the depression and agitation. i actually go f'n insane too when i can't access an outlet. that feeling lasts listerally for hours. if i'm at work i have the urge to just throw and tear up all the books there or go to the washroom and kick the hell out of stuff (i was gonna write "****" but that would have sounded literal hah).
and now that i'm rarely home alone i can't let it out physically but throwing anything which works best so i end up turning to self-injury which is getting a bit out of control as my whole body is already scarred and bruised and i'm running out of places i can cut since i regularly get EKGs and i don't want to deal with getting **** from doctors about the cutting.

i've actually considered starting smoking so i can replace that with the self-injury. it seems slightly more socially acceptable and less freakish holding a cigarette than having my body all cut up. prob nto a good idea to start yet another addiction though.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> yeah exactly what it's like for me.
> 
> it's been a bit different lately since it's more to do with wanting to feel some outlet from the depression and agitation. i actually go f'n insane too when i can't access an outlet. that feeling lasts listerally for hours. if i'm at work i have the urge to just throw and tear up all the books there or go to the washroom and kick the hell out of stuff (i was gonna write "****" but that would have sounded literal hah).
> and now that i'm rarely home alone i can't let it out physically but throwing anything which works best so i end up turning to self-injury which is getting a bit out of control as my whole body is already scarred and bruised and i'm running out of places i can cut since i regularly get EKGs and i don't want to deal with getting **** from doctors about the cutting.
> ...


Don't start smoking..! Ummm.... There are much 'healthier' ways to relieve your physical tensions as alluded to previously.. ;D


----------



## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

You are just a big extrovert.


----------



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Were said:


> You are just a big extrovert.


you couldn't be more far off 
why do you say that? i know people often say extroverts always crave stimulation, is that why?


----------

