# Guys would you date a woman with SA?



## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

Im asking because im finding it hard to function properly with a partner that doest understand whats its like to fight battles within your own mind.. 

Would you date a woman who is interested and attracted to you for a long term relationship , who doesnt work but happily cooks , cleans, has her hair, nails , make up nice and neat and pleasures you and is always happy to be around you since youre the only person she sees since she rarely goes out or has friends due to anxiety ?? 

Let me know honestly how you guys would feel


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## Protozoan (May 26, 2014)

My ex was diagnosed with manic depression, regularly went through grand mal seizures, was suicidal and had suffered through a great deal of psychological trauma & sexual abuse throughout her childhood and teens.

I feel I could handle someone with social anxiety if that's their only problem.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Yes. I'd have no problem, and have no problem dating someone with SA. The girl I'm talking to / seeing occasionally is awesome. We talk, and help each other through a lot of this. It def helps not having to explain, not having to say a word to make the other understand when we're feeling anxious, depressed, whatever. We were just talking about me feeling kind of anxious the last time we met up. And, I feel like she understood, it's not really a big deal because we both get it. I feel like she gets me and I most def feel like I get her. And that's huge. My ex-wife, who I was married to for 18 years, never really understood my anxiety. I really believe that's one of the things that sort of drove a wedge between us, she refused to believe my anxiety was real (and, ironically, she is on meds now....for anxiety). Not having to explain that to a partner and having them know exactly how it feels is just huge.


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## Miach (Mar 29, 2016)

Absolutely yes. But that is just fantasy, for me.


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## Trooper (Apr 29, 2011)

I would definitely date a woman with social anxiety (and many of the other problems it causes) without any hesitation. As long as she was also prepared to date someone with SA, that we both liked each other and we had some common interests. I believe it could be a benefit for both of us, knowing that we had an understanding of what each of us had to deal with on a regular basis. There is even the chance that it could make things easier to help each other through the bad times and push and support each other through the good. It's not to say it wouldn't be a walk in the park, especially considering the unpredictability of mental illnesses, and the chances of each of us going through bad episodes at the same time are extremely possible. But then when has anything worth pursuing ever been easy ?.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

Yeah, that wouldn't bother me at all


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## ironjellyfish (Oct 6, 2016)

Yes. Something along those lines would be my dream woman, tbh. Because you'd be on the same wavelength and you'd just be happy that you have one and other. You'd understand the struggle of your partner see, and you could go for walks through the park and feed the ducks.


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> Yes. I'd have no problem, and have no problem dating someone with SA. The girl I'm talking to / seeing occasionally is awesome. We talk, and help each other through a lot of this. It def helps not having to explain, not having to say a word to make the other understand when we're feeling anxious, depressed, whatever. We were just talking about me feeling kind of anxious the last time we met up. And, I feel like she understood, it's not really a big deal because we both get it. I feel like she gets me and I most def feel like I get her. And that's huge. My ex-wife, who I was married to for 18 years, never really understood my anxiety. I really believe that's one of the things that sort of drove a wedge between us, she refused to believe my anxiety was real (and, ironically, she is on meds now....for anxiety). Not having to explain that to a partner and having them know exactly how it feels is just huge.


Yes trying to explain depression and anxiety to someoe who doesnt suffer from it is like trying to give directions in a foriegn language &#128517;


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

If I had to financially support both of us then it would be an issue. I'd also hope she would be interested in working with me to improve on her fears so she's able to socialise a little more and improve her quality of life. 

I have dated girls with sa/depression before and honestly from those experiences I wouldn't do it again, but each individual is different.


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

Yeah maybe help her to make money from home right


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

nope


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Had 2 relationships with women who had SA along with other more difficult disorders and were unemployed. SA being the only issue would be a relief.

I strongly disagree with the assertion that she'll be happy to see me because I'm the only person she ever sees, though. Being the only person she ever sees will more likely create lots of unrealistic expectations of me and resentment that I can't fulfill all her dreams.


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

I would never fault a woman for having SA. In fact I am attracted to woman with it. I have been plagued with terrible anxiety but I think it would be nice to date a woman who was like me because it would be something we can relate to.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Trooper said:


> I would definitely date a woman with social anxiety (and many of the other problems it causes) without any hesitation. As long as she was also prepared to date someone with SA, that we both liked each other and we had some common interests. I believe it could be a benefit for both of us, knowing that we had an understanding of what each of us had to deal with on a regular basis. There is even the chance that it could make things easier to help each other through the bad times and push and support each other through the good. It's not to say it wouldn't be a walk in the park, *especially considering the unpredictability of mental illnesses*, and the chances of each of us going through bad episodes at the same time are extremely possible. But then when has anything worth pursuing ever been easy ?.


This phrase stands out for me. Mental illness _is_ unpredictable - and it has consequences. It's not just a case of having anxiety. That anxiety very often leads or causes people to have low self-esteem or other issues.

I have a friend that has anxiety issues, plus most likely depression. Her self -esteem is quite low and this has a very negative impact on her life. She gets involved with completely unsuitable people (one has been abusing her recently for example). She's a friend of mine and I like her - but being in a relationship with someone like that would be very difficult indeed.

I can see how some people would think that having someone with a similar condition would give them a better level of understanding between them - but it would also create it's own set of problems.

Edit: so in a nutshell I would definitely rather she didn't have mental health issues. I would hope that she cared about me enough to at least be supportive of me with my problems and try to understand - as I have more than enough to go around.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

I'd just add...I don't think you can overemphasize how important it is for the both of you to be able to take care of yourselves. Mentally, physically, everything. A codependent relationship imo is almost doomed to fail, eventually. And I think that if you're in a relationship with someone who is known to have issues with depression and anxiety, you have got to watch for signs that they are not taking care of themselves, that they're slipping. It may sound like a no-brainer but it most definitely is not....you are watching for signs that you might not see in yourself, because you're also susceptible to depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, whatever. So you might not recognize them. You have to be very, very self-aware and also very aware oc of how she's doing. It's not as easy as it sounds. People who have followed my posts and who know me under another user name know I lost a loved one to suicide. Getting involved with someone who suffers from the same mental disorders you suffer from is not, NOT something to take lightly.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

(sigh) I _suppose_ I could tolerate her serving and pleasuring and cooking for me all the time. But that would be a major sacrifice that I'm making for her, allowing her the privilege of serving me and fulfilling my every whim. She would owe me big time. And she would owe me even harder if she wants me to allow her to get a job and give me the money she makes from it, which I would graciously allow her to do since I'm so selfless and giving. But she would really be pushing it. Chicks today... so entitled. :no


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Yeah. I'd encourage them to seek help and I'd try to push them (as far as is reasonable and ethical in my eyes) to do everything that I can manage socially. If there's anything they can't do, then I won't push any further, but I'll try and counsel them. I'm not willing to stand by and let social anxiety ruin a loved one's life.

I don't see a relationship like this as a long term one, but I would try what I said. If it doesn't work, then maybe the relationship isn't going to work. I have my own issues, and a lot of them at that. I can't be someone's counselor 24/7.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yep. :grin2:


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I've never dated anyone with SA. The only girl who remotely falls into that category that i declared an interest for rejected me. I've never got the impression that many want a guy with SA perhaps because being with someone more confident makes it feel less of an issue and its just easier.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I did before and would again. But maybe someone a little closer to home this time.


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## MadnessVertigo (Sep 26, 2016)

Realistically I think we'd probably both avoid each other, beat ourselves up over it, and assume that the other person is finally sick of us and hates us. I've never dated, but based on my own feelings and behaviors towards people who try to get close to me, I can't imagine that dating someone else with SA could end up being a happy arrangement.


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## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

I used to think I wanted someone deemed normal. That's changed. I want a guy with anxiety, who's just as insecure as me. When I'm out and about, I see guys who are by themselves, and then I wonder about them, "what if we'd get along?" But since we're both so unapproachable, we'd never talk. That makes me sad I can't talk to someone I might actually want to know.

I get along with broken people, because I'm also messed up. Normal, preppy, outgoing Guys? EH, NO THANKS. :/ For example, the guys that approach me and hit on me, am I supposed to find them more attractive for even doing that in the first place? And most of the guys who approach, have no game, they could just be honest and tell me they like me, but they do one of those, "act natural" acts. If you want me, just be honest. Walk up and say, "I came to ask for your number." I mean it's better than coming up, making up a failed excuse and then walking away awkwardly. Hehehe


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## Rick72 (Sep 16, 2016)

Yes I would date a woman with SA. I had a friend who had SA, the friend was easy to relate to and we worked together to get over it so I would definitely date a woman with SA we could work on it together.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Already am, and she has it terribly. It's been years though. When I was younger I was hellbent on "helping" or "fixing" her for some dumb reason, like the hero complex people told me I had.

It hasn't been easy, without a doubt the most tumultuous relationship I've ever had, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything at all.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

YES - as long as she knew it was something she wants to actively work on.


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## wallenstein (Mar 27, 2013)

Of course, she would understand my problems and I would understand hers, I'd prefer it over dating someone 'normal' actually. I currently am too.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

DirtyDiana said:


> Im asking because im finding it hard to function properly with a partner that doest understand whats its like to fight battles within your own mind..
> 
> Would you date a woman who is interested and attracted to you for a long term relationship , who doesnt work but happily cooks , cleans, has her hair, nails , make up nice and neat and pleasures you and is always happy to be around you since youre the only person she sees since she rarely goes out or has friends due to anxiety ??
> 
> Let me know honestly how you guys would feel


It would depend entirely on the severity and nature of her SA.

I'd have absolutely no problem dating a woman with the same type of SA I have, but I don't know what it would be like to live with another version so I can't make an educated response.

As for the housewife deal, I would fear that she would become more of a servant than an equal partner which isn't a relationship dynamic I would strive for. Even if it didn't become a relationship of servitude, it would depend on how much money I could earn and considering the substantial £0 p/a I'm currently pulling in, that could be tricky.:laugh:

Finally, I wouldn't be willing to accept that someone who I would care for (at least you would hope so) should settle for a life of fear and regret.


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

Sorry didnt mean for you to take it as entitlement in someway i said those things to mean that the woman is fully functioning at home as a normal wife/gf and not just sleeping or not doing anything at all . As in therelationship is natural and normal but her only issue being in public and fear of carrying an authoritive/leader role such as in the work place , but could maybe find work to do from home .


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

humidity said:


> That is my dream woman you described lol. I feel like only a fellow SA person would be understanding of us... I feel like anyone else would lose their patience after a while. Also, SA people have lifestyles in common... sitting at home mostly that is lol.
> 
> My dream woman sits at home on disability just like I do. I don't care about makeup and hair and nails. For house chores I'd prefer to do them together. Most of all I desire a deep connection and someone to have a long term relationship or marriage with. I feel like a relationship like this would be healing to me, and reduce my anxiety... I've heard of many accounts of quality relationships healing mental illness (at least for the length of the relationship).


I was worried yall would misunderstand me maybe i should of worded it better lol
I meant cooking and cleaning and nails and make up to signify that she is not lazy and takes care of her looks as in the depression and anxiety doesnt show on her face and clothes and house . And the relationship is normal natural and fluid like any other one her only issue is very easily stressed and panic under pressure in the work place


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

Yes I would date someone with SA, but I'm not exactly heading down a career path that could financially support a significant other and me. She would have to be financially independent.


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

*Guys*

What i meant by my orignal thread was that , would you date a woman who is happy to date you, takes care of herself as in isnt a slob due to her anxiety and depression, who has no problem cooking your meals and lunch with you or while youre at work. Who cleans up after herself and manages a healthy clean home doing the daily chores either with you or while youre at work and who is honestly attracted to you and likes to please you intimatley vice versa natrually like a normal relationship only issue being that she wokld prefer to work from home becuase leader roles in public cause to much anxiety so keeping a job is difficult . As for other issues , depression episodes only consisting of laying in bed for a couple hours silently until its over and back to extremely happy (maybe some type of bipolar) but not the violent or disrespectful lashing out type ) and obviously trying to fix thier issues and work from home . 
Its like how do you explain this to a normal person with out them treating you like crap


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## ZombieIcecream (Nov 30, 2014)

DirtyDiana said:


> What i meant by my orignal thread was that , would you date a woman who is happy to date you, takes care of herself as in isnt a slob due to her anxiety and depression, who has no problem cooking your meals and lunch with you or while youre at work. Who cleans up after herself and manages a healthy clean home doing the daily chores either with you or while youre at work and who is honestly attracted to you and likes to please you intimatley vice versa natrually like a normal relationship only issue being that she wokld prefer to work from home becuase leader roles in public cause to much anxiety so keeping a job is difficult . As for other issues , depression episodes only consisting of laying in bed for a couple hours silently until its over and back to extremely happy (maybe some type of bipolar) but not the violent or disrespectful lashing out type ) and obviously trying to fix thier issues and work from home .
> Its like how do you explain this to a normal person with out them treating you like crap


Well those are certainly some great qualities to have ! I'm sure one of these days you'll find a guy who accepts you flaws and all. Sometimes if you gradually share snippets of your issues with a relatively new person, they could still unintentionally treat you bad because they don't have the tools or experience to handle it. Those who do go out of their way to make you feel worse about yourself are simply incompatible. It's best to cut them off at the first sign of abuse because granted, it will only get worse and frustrate you more. Understand that you cannot change that person who has reacted in such a way. We live in a society where there is a stigma surrounding mental illness and a high percentage of the masses are thoroughly conditioned to think less of those who suffer from it or to perceive them as weak and therefore easier to take advantage of. It's best to just try and have compassion for them, _although it's easier said than done..._


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

Yes cause I have SA and I'm the type of person who gets jealous easily and wouldnt like having to meet her friends and maybe even family and if I had a lot of money she wouldnt have to work


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## ZombieIcecream (Nov 30, 2014)

MobiusX said:


> Yes cause I have SA and I'm the type of person who gets jealous easily and *wouldnt like having to meet her friends and maybe even family* and if I had a lot of money she wouldnt have to work


Well how will you proceed if the two of you get married and she invites her side of the family to the ceremony. ?


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

DirtyDiana said:


> What i meant by my orignal thread was that , would you date a woman who is happy to date you, takes care of herself as in isnt a slob due to her anxiety and depression, who has no problem cooking your meals and lunch with you or while youre at work. Who cleans up after herself and manages a healthy clean home doing the daily chores either with you or while youre at work and who is honestly attracted to you and likes to please you intimatley vice versa natrually like a normal relationship only issue being that she wokld prefer to work from home becuase leader roles in public cause to much anxiety so keeping a job is difficult . As for other issues , depression episodes only consisting of laying in bed for a couple hours silently until its over and back to extremely happy (maybe some type of bipolar) but not the violent or disrespectful lashing out type ) and obviously trying to fix thier issues and work from home .
> Its like how do you explain this to a normal person with out them treating you like crap


I like how with each clarification the hypothetical woman gets better and better. I think she should be able to time travel, can we make her time travel? I'm definitely in if she can time travel.:laugh:


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

i dont see why not. i have problems too so maybe we could fix ourselves together somehow


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

they like the girls in the band.


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

I would, if she's ok with not having kids.


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## DirtyDiana (Oct 4, 2016)

Ok bye.


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