# Forced myself to a party, this disorder can be killed



## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

Well i went to a party last night, really old best childhood friend from before i had any strong bonds of social anxiety.Well i really didn't want to go but i eventually forced myself because i know i'm not gonna cure myself till i start doing things about SA so i try get out as much as possible.Well i'd like to share my good and bad experiences.

Positive:Well some people for some reason i found it easy to talk to but they were usually younger or had a comfortable mood so i felt fairly confident being in there company, it feels really good when you can pull some expression out of yourself and not hold back,really just being the person you truly are.Got to meet lots of old friends, when opportunities arrived i'd pop in an already going conversation and say something, makes it alot easier when there are people already talking.

Negative:I did get some moments where i got pulled up by old friends and got really,really stuck not knowing what to say and luckily had some interruptions to save insane amounts of awkwardness, I really do hate getting asked what are you doing in life its such a boring and difficult question to answer.Then one old friend from years back kept inviting me and i found it very difficult to talk to him because hes alot older then me but luckily he had such a happy mood i think maybe he wanted me to open up a little.He invited me for shots which was pretty cool. I didn't talk to any girls except for"what are you doing in life".

Well it wasn't a horrible night and i'm not completely cured but i did learn from it, I really need to work on my confidence now.I need to be able to forget the past with old friends and build the confidence to know i can talk too people who are older then me.I've come a long way you have to get out there and face your fears, sometimes its the people your hanging with that are the problem influenced by your thinking, you'd be surprised at how different you feel around other people.I know the social anxiety isn't my true self its just ego and i know everyone on this site has got a unique personality, your here because your trying to escape or dissolve this problem when in fact everyones got the answer its just difficult to access.You need to remember who you truly are and know yourself, its hard to know where to start but you got to make these steps.Your time is running out I don't want to be on my deathbed wishing why i could've believed something so ridiculous.

Your all bloody troopers once you find one tiny little boost build upon on it and don't let it die.Can't let something so stupid take over your life.Know yourself,theres someone hiding under all that thinking.

P.S:I haven't seen a doctor or take meds.


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## wraith (Feb 22, 2010)

good for you!

I'm going to party tonight. I know 1 out of 9 people there. I had a panic attack this morning where I couldn't stand. But.. i'm going. And now that I've read your inspiring words i feel slightly less anxious.

Thanks.


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

Thanks i think maybe i wrote a bit too much or gone to far towards the end lol but i guess i had a heightened mood at the time.

I hope all goes well


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

very good!
did you manage to achieve fun at this party??
achieving fun at a party is the ultimate feat which i have yet failed to accomplish


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## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

Really good that you can do that, and without meds as far as I'm concerned. I haven't taken meds for the reason that it turns me into a zombie. It takes a lot to go to a party if you have SA, and even some people without SA get nervous and awkward at parties or feel like they have to booze up a little to relax.
I agree with you that the anxiety is not you, it's easier said, than done to remember that. I find that overanalyzing things is what gets us in trouble from own observations of self & others, getting all in the head & analyzing what to say and how others will perceive it rather than relax and 'be ourselves', relaxing into it. Anyway, kudos to you for doing that, it takes a lot of courage.


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

_AJ_ said:


> very good!
> did you manage to achieve fun at this party??
> achieving fun at a party is the ultimate feat which i have yet failed to accomplish


Well yeah it was ok i remember a year ago i was so incredibly intimidated by everyone at parties and it was so horrible since alot of people were old school friends and i completely shut everyone off and made myself look like i'd completely drowned in the gutter but now i felt kind of level and fairly comfortable with myself,other peoples rowdy moods didn't really affect me.

I had my share of good and bad moments but i'm glad i went there it was certainly more fun then sitting at home,i got an experience to learn off!I drunk heck of alot but it didn't help me much with my socializing skills and eventually i just walked home.Although next morning i was thinking alot about what happened concerning conversation but i think the raging head hangover headache influnced that.



OregonMommy said:


> Really good that you can do that, and without meds as far as I'm concerned. I haven't taken meds for the reason that it turns me into a zombie. It takes a lot to go to a party if you have SA, and even some people without SA get nervous and awkward at parties or feel like they have to booze up a little to relax.
> I agree with you that the anxiety is not you, it's easier said, than done to remember that. I find that overanalyzing things is what gets us in trouble from own observations of self & others, getting all in the head & analyzing what to say and how others will perceive it rather than relax and 'be ourselves', relaxing into it. Anyway, kudos to you for doing that, it takes a lot of courage.


Well i've been working on my SA for the past few months so it was definitely easier then it would've been back then.The SA side of yourself seems to just nag constantly in the back of your head so you can never be truly relaxed at a social gathering and if i could get rid of that voice i'd be 100% positive there'd be no problem(just my shyness lol).

Thanks guys/girls i appreciate the kind words.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

I am not trying to rain on your parade. Great job on a good night.

But this disorder CANNOT be killed. It is something we have to live with, and is something we can only manage.


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

Well that was actually a mistake,its clearly misleading but i can't edit it now(or i don't know how too).

Whether i have to manage it,kill it,burn it,drown it,eat it i'm going to find a way to be comfortable with socializing in the future.I don't wanna be stuck with the shadows of this disorder following me the rest of my life,that sucks man.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Hoady said:


> it was certainly more fun then sitting at home


that alone makes you way ahead of me!

good job !


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## cinammon (Mar 18, 2010)

I went to a party today as well and you are right, it isn't easy but we have to continue and do the things that make us uncomfortable so we can eliminate this anxiety.


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## P312 (Apr 17, 2010)

Thats great


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## HipHopHead (Jun 17, 2010)

Dude awesome im happy for you man, this whole thing is one of my huge fears too. I got invited out by so many people who were good friends, to go camping.. and i have always kind of avoided parties.. how the hell did you find the courage man


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

Hoady said:


> Well that was actually a mistake,its clearly misleading but i can't edit it now(or i don't know how too).
> 
> Whether i have to manage it,kill it,burn it,drown it,eat it i'm going to find a way to be comfortable with socializing in the future.I don't wanna be stuck with the shadows of this disorder following me the rest of my life,that sucks man.


I really don't think you want to hear my opinion lol

..But whatever you gotta do to get what you gotta get, good luck dog.


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## silverfish (Sep 18, 2009)

Good for you for trying! =)


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Sweet. It can be kill and I am half way there. I went to a old friends party on the weekend too and it was scary but paid off for me big time. Good to hear you went


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## 90%SAfree (Oct 8, 2009)

Sounds like a great accomplishment. Just make sure to keep going to parties and eventually your SA will get better about going to parties. Im happy for you


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