# More Social Anxiety around people of different races?



## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

maybe you're not used to being around people of different races


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

I am white and I feel more anxiety around white people. I do not know the root of this though.


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

I have less actually. One of my closer friends in Hs was black, out of the very few people i was comfortable around, and one of my only friends in college isnthis asian girl from
'nam. Oh ya, and i live in "ultra rural ville"


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## Cheesecake (Feb 2, 2007)

I went to a very diverse high school, so I'm used to it.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

I don't fit into any one race so I'm anxious about them all!


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## Mox (Feb 14, 2011)

No, race isn't a factor for me. I've actually found the the few people of other races I've met to be more friendly and that that put me at ease more. It's bad behaviour and attitude of people that causes my SA to heighten, no matter the race of them.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

I don't think so. No. I was going to say maybe black people, but that's not true. It's only the outgoing, loud people that make me anxious, and it happens that a lot of black people are that way. But I'm not anxious around the black people who aren't that way. So yeah, no.


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## successful (Mar 21, 2009)

Nope, people are people & im anxious around pretty much all of them.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

With me it usually depends on the person's personality, their attractiveness, things like that.

But there are some times when I feel intimidated around other Hispanics/Latinos because I fear they are going to be even more judging and demanding since I am Hispanic/Latino like them. I fear those whose Spanish is flawless and that were born outside of the U.S. the most. My Spanish isn't 100% perfect and I've lived in the States my whole life... Does that make sense? Perhaps this is what happens to you, Saving Face?



Saving Face said:


> I am white and I feel more anxiety around white people. I do not know the root of this though.


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## Tez (Apr 21, 2009)

Nope!


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

im always worried a person will think im racist, which is kind of a racist thought,haha. I think it's because I feel I would be paranoid of being stereotyped if i wasnt white. 

But if its not that thought making me anxious, itd be something else, no matter what race they are


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## talkswithkeyboard (Dec 28, 2010)

It depends mostly on the person's attitude, but certain unfortunate events in high school have some bad things hard wired in the back of my head.

Time to go make a Socially Awkward Penguin meme after voting honestly on that poll... lol


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

im not anxious just more alert


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## Magus (May 19, 2010)

I'm not racist...but I just feel more comfortable and at ease with people of my own ethnicity.


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## popeet (Dec 8, 2005)

Magus said:


> I'm not racist...but I just feel more comfortable and at ease with people of my own ethnicity.


yea this might just be a culture thing rather than thinking that another 'race' is inherently different. in school i learned about the difference between race and ethnicity, and most people realized that if someone who looks really different performs their culture naturally then they are just fine. often, people who look similar but don't do 'good' cultural performance get ethnically alienated.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I'm white, and I have very few white friends. Being around white people actually makes me more uncomfortable lol.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I think I'm more self-conscious around people of the same ethnicity that I am because I think people from similar backgrounds judge each other more harshly than they do someone who's entirely different from them. Uh, weird fruit analogy alert! But like, if I was an apple, I'd compare myself more to apples than to oranges and be more paranoid about my shortcomings. Don't know if that makes sense.....


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

^I sure know what you mean, haha.


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## Oblivion (Nov 23, 2010)

It's the opposite for me.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm very anxious around foreigners or people with an accent. Mainly because I'm anxious I won't be able to understand them or vice versa.

Race-wise, I'm gonna be totally honest. I am more anxious around African-Americans. Social conditioning, I'm sure.


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## Madbritt (Nov 12, 2008)

I'm black, and I actually feel more anxious around black people. I grew up in a very un-diverse town, my friends were always white or Asian. The few black kids in my high school acted very stereotypically, which I always hated. I've been told that I act "white", because I actually care about school, took harder classes, I like rock music(and hiphop), I'm not loud, and don't use "Ebonics" when I speak. I just feel like black people, more than anyone else, expect me to be a certain way and are judging me.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Yeah. I am actually convinced that I am objectively physically and mentally inferior to people from other races.

Every little difference I observe contributes to that belief. That little scientific contribution comes from people of my race. That the city I live in has people crapping anywhere in public. That there have been societies who were worse off 30-40 years ago but are great places to live now while my society is in the same filthy mire it was decades ago.

Surely all that isn't just down to chance. There must be a reason for the lack of achievement and lack of progress, despite having pretty much everything a society could want to progress.

For me personally, due to my race, I have poorer muscle tone. I am shorter than people from a lot of other races. This is pretty disheartening. As is this. I feel like I am not very smart. I have never been a good athlete. People from my race aren't really known for their looks or anything.

So, yeah, all those thoughts run around in my head when I'm around people of other ethnicities or races. Especially white people. White people in my head are like, divine. Smart, good-looking and powerful.

I can fake confidence when around people from other races, but it is fake confidence. Under it I am actually very anxious about doing the wrong thing to further worsen their opinion of me.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

i'm being totally honest, i don't feel more anxiety towards people of other races, including my own. i dunno maybe it's because i grew up in really multicultural areas and i had friends from a variety of races and ethnicities. so no, race doesn't affect me, but i don't really blame people it does affect.


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## popeet (Dec 8, 2005)

heroin said:


> That the city I live in has people crapping anywhere in public.


I think that while gross, this is a hell of a lot smarter than dropping a deuce in a big bowl of potable water. I mean, WHAT THE HELL is that a joke? WHY do we **** in a porcelain bowl of tap water????

Not to detract from what you were saying, though.

I value your honesty about your feelings. I wish you didn't feel that way, but I also wish you generally felt better.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

heroin said:


> Yeah. I am actually convinced that I am objectively physically and mentally inferior to people from other races.
> 
> Every little difference I observe contributes to that belief. That little scientific contribution comes from people of my race. That the city I live in has people crapping anywhere in public. That there have been societies who were worse off 30-40 years ago but are great places to live now while my society is in the same filthy mire it was decades ago.
> 
> ...


I'm assuming you're from India? I too appreciate the honesty because there are a lot of people that feel this way but never want to admit it. I don't know what it is with Indians and self hate because it seems like a lot of them have it. I too used to think like this despite being born and raised American. I grew up being too Indian for white friends and too white for Indians and was generally confused. I was never completely accepted by both, so I think that's why I had developed a similar type of thinking. In college most of the Indians from India avoided me like the plague. White people were more accepting to me, but I was still treated like I was inferior in subtle ways.

Ironic that you find that IQ statistic to be true because every white person I met automatically assumed I was smart just because I was Indian. Which I am not. I'm just better at other things. I didn't really look up at white people but I was more scared of them. Bleehh...now that I've seen the good and bad of everyone I'm just like **** it. I don't care how anyone views me anymore.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

MojoCrunch said:


> I'm assuming you're from India?


Right in one. 



MojoCrunch said:


> I too appreciate the honesty because there are a lot of people that feel this way but never want to admit it. I don't know what it is with Indians and self hate because it seems like a lot of them have it. I too used to think like this despite being born and raised American.


Maybe we are a bit too self-critical? And need more reassurance than just "India was cool 2000 years ago" or something. There are plenty of blind patriots and jingoists here though, so it kind of evens out.



MojoCrunch said:


> I grew up being too Indian for white friends and too white for Indians and was generally confused. I was never completely accepted by both, so I think that's why I had developed a similar type of thinking.


Yeah that sounds terrible. Although I have no idea what I'd have done in your shoes. I'd probably have been the same way.



MojoCrunch said:


> In college most of the Indians from India avoided me like the plague.


Probably an inferiority complex like mine. I'd be rather uncomfortable around an ethnic Indian who isn't from India. I'd be constantly wondering if he/she is wondering if I talk funny. Or do they think I am from "that smelly, horrible little place" (to use a quote from the hilarious Goodness Gracious Me), and completely uncultured when it comes to fitting in with Western mores, etc.



MojoCrunch said:


> White people were more accepting to me, but I was still treated like I was inferior in subtle ways.


Yeah, I interact with White people well enough online, and I'd probably have little trouble discussing work/business with them. But making friends? No way. I don't think I could. I'm the same way with people who are richer than me. There's this barrier that I just cannot cross that kind of highlights the differences between me and rich people or me and non-Indian people. And unlike racism, it's due to a feeling of inferiority.



MojoCrunch said:


> Ironic that you find that IQ statistic to be true because every white person I met automatically assumed I was smart just because I was Indian. Which I am not. I'm just better at other things.


That's because the Indians who emigrate there are well educated and are pretty good at the jobs they do. And they try to instill that sort of ethic in their children. Wait a couple generations. Once the dumbass Indian kids start to emerge among the population there, that perception will change.



MojoCrunch said:


> That's because I didn't really look up at white people but I was more scared of them. Bleehh...now that I've seen the good and bad of everyone I'm just like **** it. I don't care how anyone views me anymore.


I don't care so much either. I can deal with someone not thinking well of me. It's that when I look at myself, my own mind brings up the feelings. It has little to do with how others treat me. In fact, people have been very nice to me at times and yet I still can't shake off the complex.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

heroin said:


> This is pretty disheartening.


I wish I'd commented on this before this thread took a darker tone.

Honestly, I giggled.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

heroin said:


> Probably an inferiority complex like mine. I'd be rather uncomfortable around an ethnic Indian who isn't from India. I'd be constantly wondering if he/she is wondering if I talk funny. Or do they think I am from "that smelly, horrible little place" (to use a quote from the hilarious Goodness Gracious Me), and completely uncultured when it comes to fitting in with Western mores, etc.


Haha, thanks for the input. Any accent you have probably wouldn't phase me. It's not different than how my parents talk. I don't think I would ever have a problem with your accent, so no worries. But I can see your concern about the whole "smelly" thing. Unfortunately I have encountered some smelly Indian exchange students. So there is some truth to that stereotype. So much that I know I've become a little paranoid about my own smell (I used to shower twice a day to make sure I don't smell because of that).

I've only visited India once and it was great but the major problems I could see just dealt with sanitation and overpopulation. If that could be fixed I'm sure it would turn some things around. But I don't live there so it could be a different story altogether.

The inferiority thing seems to be more of an Asian thing in general than just an Indian thing. There are times when you can see it in the form a complete personality change towards someone of a different race, or those type of people that specifically seek out white people as partners (this excludes people that are genuinely in love) or rich because they feel it makes up for something. It's a sad thing to see it affect behavior.

Anyway, hopefully someday you can shake the inferiority complex off. I've managed to do that as of recently and it feels great. However, I'll admit that there are incidents once in a while where it comes back. But for the most part I'm just glad that now this type of thinking isn't ingrained in every facet of my life anymore. Sorry for my rambling....


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

heroin said:


> Yeah. I am actually convinced that I am objectively physically and mentally inferior to people from other races.
> 
> Every little difference I observe contributes to that belief. That little scientific contribution comes from people of my race. That the city I live in has people crapping anywhere in public. That there have been societies who were worse off 30-40 years ago but are great places to live now while my society is in the same filthy mire it was decades ago.
> 
> ...


It's nearly impossible to admit to this but like MojoCrunch said, I don't think that's limited to those who live in India. It does exist in the diaspora because of, well, I think it's because of older family members, immigrants. I have some family members that seem to resent being Sri Lankan. They view their culture and people with scorn. But at the end of the day, that is who you are, there's nothing more you can do than accept that. You are _who_ you are, well, in this case, you are _what_ you are.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

Nope, just different genders.


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## Stormclouds (Mar 8, 2011)

Nope, I have equal opportunity SA.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Moar self-hate:

I was talking to this (ethnically Indian) girl over IM. I can talk for hours with her and regularly do. She asked me to turn my web cam on (she knows what I look like already, from the pictures I sent her earlier). Initially I protested because I hadn't had my bath, my hair was all messy (not in the good way), and the lighting in the room was bad. And told her that I'd look terrible.

But then I thought what the heck and turned it on anyway. She confirmed that I looked terrible (not maliciously, she just said "you do look terrible") then she said that I looked "quite dark" for a Marwari who are apparently usually fair. I re-iterated the point about the bad lighting making me look like a ******, and proceeded to hate myself. I know she might have not meant anything by it and I may be overreacting. I'm over it anyway, I can shrug off comments pretty easily but..... I don't wanna be brown. It sucks.

Just venting. Excuse the whine please.


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## Squid24 (Nov 23, 2009)

More anxious I'm not sure, but a different kind of anxiety certainly as instead of fearing that I'll look like an idiot, I sometimes fear that I will look racist. It's a big problem with eye contact, I can't usually look at people, but sometimes I try to not look like I'm ignoring them, but then I can't stand it and quickly look away which takes me another level down the spiral...


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

heroin said:


> Moar self-hate:
> 
> But then I thought what the heck and turned it on anyway. She confirmed that I looked terrible (not maliciously, she just said "you do look terrible") then she said that I looked "quite dark" for a Marwari who are apparently usually fair. I re-iterated the point about the bad lighting making me look like a ******, and proceeded to hate myself. I know she might have not meant anything by it and I may be overreacting. I'm over it anyway, I can shrug off comments pretty easily but..... I don't wanna be brown. It sucks.


Wow, what a nasty thing to say. And WTF is with Indians and skin tone?! I understand that it's a big deal all over Asia in general, but Indians take it to a whole new level. I'm a decent skin tone now, but when I was little I was a very outdoorsy type of child and was very dark and sunburnt. It's funny because no one else ever gave me crap about being "dark" or "too brown" except for other Indians. My mom and aunts (heh, women, NEVER men) constantly criticized my skin tone saying no one wants a "calla". I think that's why a lot of my anxiety goes up towards people that are the same race as me.

While I have no problems being brown, there are those times when being brown DOES suck. Like your stupid white friends are praised for their tan and you end up getting uneven skin and get **** for being darker. What's worse is you get **** for it by people that are the same race as you. Yeah...I guess I ranted a bit myself.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

MojoCrunch said:


> Wow, what a nasty thing to say. And WTF is with Indians and skin tone?! I understand that it's a big deal all over Asia in general, but Indians take it to a whole new level. I'm a decent skin tone now, but when I was little I was a very outdoorsy type of child and was very dark and sunburnt. It's funny because no one else ever gave me crap about being "dark" or "too brown" except for other Indians. My mom and aunts (heh, women, NEVER men) constantly criticized my skin tone saying no one wants a "calla". I think that's why a lot of my anxiety goes up towards people that are the same race as me.


Yeah, it is a big deal here. And you're spot on about family members doing that. Even my mum says terrible stuff (while being totally oblivious to the fact that she is being offensive) about people with dark skin. Never to me, but plenty of times about others.

She went on a trip to Europe and came back raving about how beautiful white people are. And especially how sweet and angelic white children look. "Like little dolls" she said. She even told a white woman how lovely white kids looked and the woman looked visibly embarrassed. I told her that she was embarrassing the woman, and she just said "Why is she embarrassed? It's true."



MojoCrunch said:


> While I have no problems being brown, there are those times when being brown DOES suck. Like your stupid white friends are praised for their tan and you end up getting uneven skin and get **** for being darker. What's worse is you get **** for it by people that are the same race as you. Yeah...I guess I ranted a bit myself.


Yeah, when we tan from being in the sun it's usually "Oh don't go out in the sun so much, you're getting darker". I can deal with it coming from other Indians, because it's nothing new and I'm used to it, but I kinda freeze up when talking to someone foreign because I'm paranoid they see me the same way (this girl is ethnically Indian but not a national).


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

heroin said:


> Yeah, it is a big deal here. And you're spot on about family members doing that. Even my mum says terrible stuff (while being totally oblivious to the fact that she is being offensive) about people with dark skin. Never to me, but plenty of times about others.


Superiority complex. It sickens me when people do that. I had to constantly check my mother when she did stuff like that. Thankfully, she doesn't do it anymore.



> (while being totally oblivious to the fact that she is being offensive)


I just HAVE to highlight this because my relatives do this too. It's embarassing as hell not to mention just mean.



> She went on a trip to Europe and came back raving about how beautiful white people are. And especially how sweet and angelic white children look. "Like little dolls" she said. She even told a white woman how lovely white kids looked and the woman looked visibly embarrassed. I told her that she was embarrassing the woman, and she just said "Why is she embarrassed? It's true."


And this is the reason why nobody respects Indians and a I primary reason why I've disliked other people from not just India but Asia. This type of pedestal behavior (whites aren't embarassed by this - what that woman felt was guilt). It's a shame that parents actually groom their children to think like this. My parents didn't exactly look at white people that way, they just kind of had the age-old Asian thought that the lighter skinned Indian just looked better, not exactly that whites were better. Thankfully, I never listened to my parents growing up, and just kind of grew up hating everyone.


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## atticusfinch (Dec 18, 2010)

Oblivion said:


> It's the opposite for me.


same.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

MojoCrunch said:


> Superiority complex. It sickens me when people do that. I had to constantly check my mother when she did stuff like that. Thankfully, she doesn't do it anymore.
> 
> I just HAVE to highlight this because my relatives do this too. It's embarassing as hell not to mention just mean.
> 
> And this is the reason why nobody respects Indians and a I primary reason why I've disliked other people from not just India but Asia. This type of pedestal behavior (whites aren't embarassed by this - what that woman felt was guilt). It's a shame that parents actually groom their children to think like this. My parents didn't exactly look at white people that way, they just kind of had the age-old Asian thought that the lighter skinned Indian just looked better, not exactly that whites were better. Thankfully, I never listened to my parents growing up, and just kind of grew up hating everyone.


My grandma is kinda like that, which I don't get at all! Whenever she tries to congratulate me for having lighter skin than other people it leaves me speechless. :sus I actually wanna be darker so I don't look like a damn ghost in some pictures. One of my cousins has beautiful bronze skin and my grandma will harass her over it. I've gotten into like 356422 arguments with her about it, but you can't change how someone's been brainwashed to think for decades. I think this has a lot to do with 1) Aryan invasion of India thousands of years ago, which also set up the caste system and the effects refuse to disappear
2) British rule over India.
Anyway, I couldn't care less about skin color, and my parents don't either. It pisses me off anytime someone brings it up. I used to work as a pharmacy tech and one time this beautiful African lady was spending $150 to buy skin lightening cream...I lectured her for like 20 minutes. :teeth
People need to focus on their insides rather than the outside. 
I hate how the media and the celebs play into it too. It makes me wanna kick them in the face. I dislike this stupid idea about superiority based on skin color or any other superficial trait. However, don't you think you're playing into the stereotype with "nobody likes Indians" and that type of rhetoric? :/ I like other Indian people, but my SA keeps me isolated from them because most of them are way too outgoing for me. Maybe it's because Punjabi ppl are not the stereotypical quiet, studious Indians. lol


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

diamondheart89 said:


> However, don't you think you're playing into the stereotype with "nobody likes Indians" and that type of rhetoric? :/


Sorry if it came out that way. I didn't say nobody likes Indians, but the lack of respect for some of them comes from such self-loathing behavior. If you believe that you are lower than someone else, generally people will treat you that way. It pains me to see a lot of desi people I know _really_ believing they are inferior and their families grooming them to believe that they are when they are not. I just kind of wish everyone would accept what they are and love themselves for it and not sh*t all over someone else because of how they look. But in the end people just kind of want what they can't have.

Yeaah.....I'll shut up now. :teeth


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

MojoCrunch said:


> Sorry if it came out that way. I didn't say nobody likes Indians, but the lack of respect for some of them comes from such self-loathing behavior. If you believe that you are lower than someone else, generally people will treat you that way. It pains me to see a lot of desi people I know _really_ believing they are inferior and their families grooming them to believe that they are when they are not. I just kind of wish everyone would accept what they are and love themselves for it and not sh*t all over someone else because of how they look. But in the end people just kind of want what they can't have.
> 
> Yeaah.....I'll shut up now. :teeth


:agree

My best friend is Vietnamese and we often talk about how many people from both our ethnicities are self-loathing. Weird.


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## GummieBear (Nov 13, 2010)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> I don't fit into any one race so I'm anxious about them all!


*^ This ^*


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## ThisGuy (Jul 13, 2010)

Madbritt said:


> I'm black, and I actually feel more anxious around black people. I grew up in a very un-diverse town, my friends were always white or Asian. The few black kids in my high school acted very stereotypically, which I always hated. I've been told that I act "white", because I actually care about school, took harder classes, I like rock music(and hiphop), I'm not loud, and don't use "Ebonics" when I speak. I just feel like black people, more than anyone else, expect me to be a certain way and are judging me.


Hahaha. Wow, I can't believe there's someone else on these forums like me. I'm pretty much exactly the same way. I grew up in Laguna Niguel, which is close to Laguna Beach, CA, so there weren't very many black people; I've had maybe one good friend who was black. I've yet to be told by someone that I act white, but I'm sure that would eventually happen if I hung around enough black folks. lol I'm definitely more anxious around black people than I am others, and probably 100x more anxious around black girls because I'm worried about not being able to fit in with everyone else. I really wish I'd made more black friends.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

meepie, I agree with everything you said. :clap I came here when I was like 7 so everything you just said about yourself applies to me too.


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## saffant (May 26, 2010)

I like brown food. 

Edit: whoops.. I meant I feel the same way too... I too feel inferior. Inferiority complex i guess. Came here (Canada) like 4.5 yrs ago... so i'm still getting used to other races, I suppose.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

meepie said:


> I can't even think of one dark skinned race where darker skin is valued more over light skin. Its sad, but thats how the world is, and thats how it will be.


Bingo.

That's exactly what I mean when I say I feel objectively inferior. That no matter how much you want to believe that it's all due to society, media, culture etc., white people are almost universally attractive. That is just how it is. And skin colour is one aspect. There are other differences in physical features too. So it is kind of depressing. It's not that I can't deal with this myself, I can and have done so for a long time, but just that it tends to bring up conclusions that may not be very pleasant.



meepie said:


> But what I really think is that the Indians here in America are ashamed of being associated with other Indians, so they have to distinguish themselves from these "curry stinking, funny accented" people.


Like these good people.

Sorry about spamming that video but it is hilarious and so true.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

diamondheart89 said:


> My grandma is kinda like that, which I don't get at all! Whenever she tries to congratulate me for having lighter skin than other people it leaves me speechless. :sus


Some people are stuck in their old ways.



> Anyway, I couldn't care less about skin color, and my parents don't either. It pisses me off anytime someone brings it up. I used to work as a pharmacy tech and one time this beautiful African lady was spending $150 to buy skin lightening cream...I lectured her for like 20 minutes. :teeth


Bravo! :clap



> People need to focus on their insides rather than the outside.
> I hate how the media and the celebs play into it too. It makes me wanna kick them in the face. I dislike this stupid idea about superiority based on skin color or any other superficial trait.


I agree 200%!



> Maybe it's because Punjabi ppl are not the stereotypical quiet, studious Indians. lol


In the county in Canada where I grew up, Punjabi people tended to be mainly Sikhs or Muslims, especially in Springdale (aka "Singh-dale") in Brampton. So if they were outgoing I didn't notice because they tended to keep to other Punjabi or Muslim people. The ones that weren't FOBs however were usually awesome people to be around.

I really don't understand this fixation with pale skin in Asia and Africa. In the past it made some sense because only the farmers had to go outside so being dark marked you as a farmer. But most people except in the poorest countries live in cities these days! Paleness is associated with people who never go outside and are sickly/unhealthy. IMO women with tans are generally hotter


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

I'm living in a big city and most people=foreigners,

didn't knowe a lot of locals in my life,,,,

so Yes,, even sometimes I feel so angry seeing soneone fron a background that I hate!! (no asians or blacks in this ! )


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## suddenstorm (Feb 2, 2011)

When I was younger and before my SA got me, I only got uncomfortable around white people(especially the white teachers and other white students). I didnt feel any anxiety playing with other black kids. It just felt natural.

Once my SA kicked in (around 13/teenage years), I started getting anxious around black people because I cared more about what they thought and I wanted to fit in with ease, like I use to, if that makes any sense.

Lately, I've been learning to relax so things have definitely gotten better


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## ani (May 30, 2011)

Squid24 said:


> More anxious I'm not sure, but a different kind of anxiety certainly as instead of fearing that I'll look like an idiot, I sometimes fear that I will look racist. It's a big problem with eye contact, I can't usually look at people, but sometimes I try to not look like I'm ignoring them, but then I can't stand it and quickly look away which takes me another level down the spiral...


I have the same problem but for me it applies to all minority groups (people who are overweight, homeless, disabled, etc). With as much inequality as there is in this world it seems likely that there is an element of mental illness at play. So, we should talk more about the causes and go beyond political and economic influences.

Basically I am afraid that people who have experienced inequality will feel that I am judging them because of my awkwardness. Over the years, my anxiety disorder has been triggered by different things at different stages of my life and this is by far the most shameful. I think that minorities became a trigger in college. Here's the story. . .

My neighbors were from Compton and at first I kind of avoided them simply because they were loud and obnoxious, but then I started dating their roommate. I became pretty good friends with everyone in the apartment. One night they had a bunch of their friends over, all black, all male, and all from Compton. I was the lone white, introverted, female in the group. We got high together and for me it was my first time using a bong. I'm not a regular user, so I got way too high. We went out to eat and the guys were teasing me in public about how high I was, which was embarrassing, because I didn't really want the general public to know that I had been doing drugs. I got the impression that the restaurant staff didn't want to serve us. I don't know if I felt that we were being discriminated against because I was high and just imagining things, or if our group really was being treated differently, but it seemed that the waiter was unfriendly and resistant to providing us service. I had never felt that way before and it was disturbing. Aside from the teasing, those guys were nice to me and I have nothing against them, but gradually after that I became more and more uncomfortable around minorities.

I started to believe that because I avoid social interaction and eye contact, that minorities see me as someone who discriminates. Which of course leads to even greater fear and anxiety. That I feel more afraid around people who have experienced inequality is so shameful to me that I have avoided getting treatment for my SAD. In fact, this is the first time I've talked about it. I appreciate that this was brought up because I think it's important to talk about.


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## total (May 11, 2011)

I feel less anxious with strangers regardless of their race than with the people I grew up with. The race issue is completely irrelevant because I live in single ethnic community. For some reason I feel more comfortable with people that don't know nothing about me.


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