# Single people over 35?



## roses6

Are there any people here who are single and do not have kids over the age of 35/40?
Pretty sure I'm going to be in that situation one day, just wondering how life is for you, etc?


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## roses6

max4225 said:


> I'm single and have no offspring as far as I'm aware. It's alright, though sometimes I get lonely for companionship. It's probably best if I just go to bed so I don't dwell on it.


Do you have any friend(s) or family that you are close to or do you prefer being on your own?


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## Matt J

Think you'll find many people in that boat. Its really not that unusual anymore, either on this site or in so called r/l. Women putting off pregnancy till after their career is established and dads are getting older too. Whats it like? Good n bad. Right now I think society is still geared towards couples, but I think that might change dramatically in the coming decades. More singles, and people living longer should provide some interesting challenges for the social order...Things are much easier as a single if you have a few good friends and they dont partner off, but hey that happens a lot. Relationships are overrated, its all about achieving a sense of inner peace and no other person can provide that. Comes a time when you go past the point of no return. At this age, you've pretty much hit that point.


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## Famous

roses6 said:


> Are there any people here who are single and do not have kids over the age of 35/40?
> Pretty sure I'm going to be in that situation one day, just wondering how life is for you, etc?


Oh yes, its great, no responsibilities, 
Life is great if you dont have physical health problems 
Life is great if you dont get beaten up by bigot racist homophobes 
Life is great if you dont have mental health issues, 

otherwise, its really easy going...


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## Lonelyguy

I'm 36, been single my whole life. No real life relationship, no female friends, absolutely no physical intimacy of any kind with the opposite sex ever. Just one online relationship and never met her. 
How has it affected me? I'm seriously depressed and extremely lonely and sad all the time. I've become isolated and withdrawn, I rarely leave the house except to go to work because its too depressing to see couples everywhere in public. I've grown bitter and mostly keep to myself. I don't really talk to anyone except my parents and a few people online anymore. My job is about the only thing I have...the only thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose in this world. I honestly don't know how much longer I can stand to live this way. :time :rain


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## Jenikyula gone mad

Lonelyguy said:


> I'm 36, been single my whole life. No real life relationship, no female friends, absolutely no physical intimacy of any kind with the opposite sex ever. Just one online relationship and never met her.
> How has it affected me? I'm seriously depressed and extremely lonely and sad all the time. I've become isolated and withdrawn, I rarely leave the house except to go to work because its too depressing to see couples everywhere in public. I've grown bitter and mostly keep to myself. I don't really talk to anyone except my parents and a few people online anymore. My job is about the only thing I have...the only thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose in this world. I honestly don't know how much longer I can stand to live this way. :time :rain


Can I ask how things got this way? What's your job like, can't you get involved with people there?


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## Nick9075

roses6 said:


> Are there any people here who are single and do not have kids over the age of 35/40?
> Pretty sure I'm going to be in that situation one day, just wondering how life is for you, etc?


It sucks for me. I am not working and probably unemployable -- everyone tells me that.


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## melissa75

I'm 36, single, no kids. I think I would be happier if not for depression, which I've had since I was a teen. I do have a good job and have always had a job. Graduated from college, too. I'm just missing an important piece in my life which is a significant other. I've kinda stopped thinking of the possibility of kids and just thought about wanting happiness with myself and another guy at some point. I have one close friend who lives 4 hours away and family that lives a few hours away, as well...


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## millenniumman75

I am learning to get out there and do things. 
I have overcome a lot in the time I have been here. I still ahve not been on a date, but it seems that nowadays, not a lot of opportunities have come up. I am just getting to the point where I notice women checking me out - a relatively foreign thing to me until recently. Who knows?


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## Lonelyguy

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Can I ask how things got this way? What's your job like, can't you get involved with people there?


Years of bullying and verbal abuse through my childhood followed by years of rejection and abandonment into my adult life. I eventually put up walls and shut off from people, too afraid of being hurt again. I work as an auto mechanic so I'm usually working alone all day.


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## lonesomeboy

Lonelyguy said:


> I'm 36, been single my wh:time :rain


I am almost 33 and in the same boat..


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## IcedOver

I am in that category, and admire any woman who has the strength to resist the societal pressures to bring another adult into this sh!tty world. I will never have children or get married, and I respect those who have the same convictions.


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## jook

*It gets rough, but it gets better*



Lonelyguy said:


> ...I'm seriously depressed and extremely lonely and sad all the time. I've become isolated and withdrawn, I rarely leave the house except to go to work...I honestly don't know how much longer I can stand to live this way. :time :rain


Hi Lonelyguy: I empathize deeply with your last statement in the above quote. I'm going through one of those moments myself. But I've gone through quite a few over my 40+ years and know that "this too shall pass." If you need a friend, I'm here.


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## Matt J

Not sure it ever passes does it? In my experience it just fades into the background while your mind is preoccupied with other things, only to re-emerge at a later time, stronger or weaker, but it always comes back. Maybe thats just me.


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## Toeter

Hmm i'm not allowed to respond to this post as i'm not 35.. yet  Single since a year or 5 and childless as well though and it will most likely stay that way until the end. As for the kid part, i really don't mind since i never liked children and don't see the point of bringing more people into this world.


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## hypestyle

...working on finishing school, sometime next year.. from there, secure a job in another town, so I can finally move out on my own, an apartment, and start rebuilding from there.. hopefully finally meet someone special for once.. never having a girlfriend sucks..


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## PDXRyan

I just turned 38 a few days ago and I'm still single, no 'real' job (finishing up school this year) and don't know if I'm going to have the energy/motivation to do either. Can't say I've never been in a relationship, longest was about 5 years and I just had one over the summer (which was the first pretty serious one in about 10 years). Even before my anxiety started I was never really a big fan of relationships. Now however I just get stressed thinking about the burden I can be because of my struggles with anxiety and depression. I keep thinking I just need to find someone that's in the same boat. Any takers here?


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## cassandraobrero

in my case, when I had a long relationship, my world revolved around it. previous to that, I was close to family, had great close friends, acquaintances, officemates, classmates. But then, I shut them off my life because I thought no one else is more important than spending time with my partner. But when things turned out the way it did that we separated, I had to contemplate on living the rest of my life alone.

Literally and figuratively speaking, I feel like a fish out of water. I am like a child being thrown into the wolves all of a sudden. However, I had to love the company of myself and be fine with it in time. I am trying to achieve the saying, ALONE but not LONELY. I am not closing my doors to being close to anyone in the future because there is nothing greater in the world than living one's life and sharing it with another. However, after what I went through, I definitely am not too hot on searching for it.


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## Jenikyula gone mad

Marriage and children are made out to be the main point of living, but they're really not.


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## humourless

I'm over 35, one wife, one dog, one house and no kids. No grandkids either.


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## peach123

roses6 said:


> Are there any people here who are single and do not have kids over the age of 35/40?
> Pretty sure I'm going to be in that situation one day, just wondering how life is for you, etc?


I am single and do not have any children and I am 44, soon to be 45 at the end of the year. It is not easy because for example when I go to work, people talk about their children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and husbands and boyfriends and I have none of those. Life is plenty lonely.


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## melissa75

PDXRyan said:


> I just turned 38 a few days ago and I'm still single, no 'real' job (finishing up school this year) and don't know if I'm going to have the energy/motivation to do either. Can't say I've never been in a relationship, longest was about 5 years and I just had one over the summer (which was the first pretty serious one in about 10 years). Even before my anxiety started I was never really a big fan of relationships. Now however I just get stressed thinking about the burden I can be because of my struggles with anxiety and depression. I keep thinking I just need to find someone that's in the same boat. Any takers here?


Happy belated birthday! I turned 36 recently and starting to feel like I should make some serious changes. If you have the energy to get through school, you'll have the energy to hold a job. The hard part will be interviewing/getting that job.

You're not a fan of relationships, but you've been in them even as recent as this summer?  I'm not a fan of _bad_ relationships, but I'd love to be in one that doesn't make me feel more depressed and anxious. So far, they've all made me feel worse, so I'm hesitant to even date. But, I know what you mean...finding someone that deals with the same issues might help :yes.


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## PDXRyan

Thanks for the bday wish! I hear ya about the school thing but for the last year it has come down to all online classes. Partially because I'm going to OSU which is an hour and a half away and partially because I just feel so uncomfortable in class sometimes. The relationship thing is more about me feeling trapped than anything else as I love me some affection. Yup I did have one this summer but after a 10 year gap (not that I haven't dated in that gap, but nothing serious) I figured I should give it a try and partially to get my friends and family off my back. The job thing is kind of that trapped feeling too. My anxiety seems so bad the last couple years that I have trouble locking myself into having to be some place at a certain time for more than an hour or so, specially when it involves forced interaction. The whole anticipatory anxiety thing is pretty entrenched in me. That's the one that I really need to get a handle on.


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## lanzman

Single 46 years, no kids, no life. I got it going on. :b


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## peach123

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Marriage and children are made out to be the main point of living, but they're really not.


It seems that way, one coworker asked me did I have any children because she never heard me talk about anyone in my life. Most people talk about their spouses, their kids, their grandchildren, nieces, nephews, you are right, family is made out to be the main point of living.


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## cassandraobrero

**



lanzman said:


> Single 46 years, no kids, no life. I got it going on. :b


how do you get through on a day to day basis? i think i will be alone for the rest of my life. id like to ask if there are more pros than cons?

thanks


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## lanzman

lanzman said:


> Single 46 years, no kids, no life. I got it going on. :b





cassandraobrero said:


> how do you get through on a day to day basis? i think i will be alone for the rest of my life. id like to ask if there are more pros than cons?
> 
> thanks


I get through life fine. Just can be lonely at times. But I've accepted my fate whatever it's going to be. Being single certainly gives you more freedom...but I think it would also be nice to share life experiences with someone else and having some companionship. Also have someone care about you in this world. But I also fear having been single so long it could be a challenge.


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## Ysonesse

38, two years away from the standard expiration date for females (generally women over 40 are supposed to crawl away and die somewhere politely unless they have others to care for). No kids (never wanted them, even if I did it would be impossible to find someone to procreate with...besides, I'm ugly, and my kids would be super ugly, which would be a curse to them and mankind in general ).


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## lissa530

I'm 29 and single. I doubt that will ever change.


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## PDXRyan

Ysonesse said:


> 38, two years away from the standard expiration date for females (generally women over 40 are supposed to crawl away and die somewhere politely unless they have others to care for). No kids (never wanted them, even if I did it would be impossible to find someone to procreate with...besides, I'm ugly, and my kids would be super ugly, which would be a curse to them and mankind in general ).


Don't be so hard on yourself!  However, it reminds me of my best friend when he and his wife had their first kid. After she was born, everyone was like, thank god she looks like Suzy! 
So there ya go, you just need to find a good looking dude. But I doubt you're as bad as you think you are.


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## millenniumman75

Yep - I still hold out hope - the frustration turns into motivation for me. :yes


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## cassandraobrero

**



millenniumman75 said:


> Yep - I still hold out hope - the frustration turns into motivation for me. :yes


Hope springs eternal. Good things happen to people in the most unlikely places, time and age  and when you least expect it.


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## scorp1966

45 and single, but I am hopeful that someday I will find someone.


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## jamesd

This is my biggest fear in life. I don't want to die alone but I can't but drive everyone away. This thread is a cold reminder that I better get on it before I get any older.


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## Adam81980

Unless a miracle happens, I think I'm headed there? I'm going onto 32, never really had a GF. (Only 2 for two weeks back in my late teens) I've dated and had a very small amount of sexual experience, but other than that, nothings really happened for me in the dating/relationship world. Not sure if it's me, or just the fact that I very rarely ever meet anybody who I'm around long enough that they get to know me? No friends around here to meet people off of. Nor co-workers. I'm a lot older than them and don't really connect.

Essentially, over the years I've learned to do almost everything alone. Whether it be run errands, go out to eat, to the movies, the the bar/or nightclub, concerts, beach, etc. I've done everything alone for so long, I get no joy out of dong activities that I'd usually enjoy, because I've been doing them alone for years. I'm sick of it! It's so monotonous I just want some company for a change. People tell you to get a hobby or pursue your own interests if you don't have somebody to do things with, but that gets old when you've only done things by yourself for years on end.

On top of that, I've found with each passing year since my early twenties, it's harder and harder to meet new people! Even without SA! It seems like by the 30's everybody gradually either moves away, or they get married and have kids and a career they're caught up in Also, they have their established groups of friends and they aren't really out looking to meet new people. Nor do they really put themselves out there, or just have time to hangout like people who are younger. 

It was hard for me to meet people in my twenties, but at least I did occasionally. At 31, it's seems an almost impossible task. Especially when it comes to meeting single woman of a similar age who've never been married and have no kids. I can only imagine that by age 40, the number of those people will be even less!


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## zork2001

> Unless a miracle happens, I think I'm headed there? I'm going onto 32, never really had a GF. (Only 2 for two weeks back in my late teens) I've dated and had a very small amount of sexual experience, but other than that, nothings really happened for me in the dating/relationship world. Not sure if it's me, or just the fact that I very rarely ever meet anybody who I'm around long enough that they get to know me? No friends around here to meet people off of. Nor co-workers. I'm a lot older than them and don't really connect.
> 
> Essentially, over the years I've learned to do almost everything alone. Whether it be run errands, go out to eat, to the movies, the the bar/or nightclub, concerts, beach, etc. I've done everything alone for so long, I get no joy out of dong activities that I'd usually enjoy, because I've been doing them alone for years. I'm sick of it! It's so monotonous I just want some company for a change. People tell you to get a hobby or pursue your own interests if you don't have somebody to do things with, but that gets old when you've only done things by yourself for years on end.
> 
> On top of that, I've found with each passing year since my early twenties, it's harder and harder to meet new people! Even without SA! It seems like by the 30's everybody gradually either moves away, or they get married and have kids and a career they're caught up in Also, they have their established groups of friends and they aren't really out looking to meet new people. Nor do they really put themselves out there, or just have time to hangout like people who are younger.
> 
> It was hard for me to meet people in my twenties, but at least I did occasionally. At 31, it's seems an almost impossible task. Especially when it comes to meeting single woman of a similar age who've never been married and have no kids. I can only imagine that by age 40, the number of those people will be even less!


I am also 32 and a lot of what you are saying applies to me as well. It defiantly seems to be getting harder meeting people as I get older. It seems as you get older less people are interested in getting to know you in general. 

Finically I am good. I bought my own house 5 years ago. I always wanted an easy life but life has gotten little too easy. I am getting board with my life and not sure what I can do to change it without doing something that just adds stress


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## Octavian

I'm single, no kids but it doesn't bother me.
My worry is that I don't have any friends and it is getting difficult to find one the more I'm getting older.


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## TheRob

I just turned 35, and I'm single and childless. That is probably how it will be from here to eternity.


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## randomprecision

42, alone except for the dog and cat. I have a great family though. We hang out a lot. I have no hope of ever having a traditional relationship but it would be nice to have a friend.
I spent ten years in a bad place after my parents died but i've made great progress in the last few years. I'm happy and content....sitting in my lawn chair on the burnt out, war torn landscape that is my soul.


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## ryobi

I'm 36, single, no kids. When I was in school I always had a girlfriend. But since I graduated I have been single. I still get looks but I'm so embarassed that I don't have a career I'm hesitant to pursue anyone.
I surf so being single without kids is good for surfing but I would trade surfing for a family and a career.


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## couter68

hi everyone, iam 42 and in wisconsin,being single sucks.i want to find a nice lady to spend time with, but it is hard to find a lady in the same boat iam in. i would like to meet a lady with SAS, and maybe help each other get over some of this stuff togeather.least we would have alot to talk about so theres a start.thanks for reading.i can be reached on yahoo. [email protected]


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## hypestyle

Adam81980 said:


> I've found with each passing year since my early twenties, it's harder and harder to meet new people! Even without SA! It seems like by the 30's everybody gradually either moves away, or they get married and have kids and a career they're caught up in Also, they have their established groups of friends and they aren't really out looking to meet new people. Nor do they really put themselves out there, or just have time to hangout like people who are younger.
> 
> It was hard for me to meet people in my twenties, but at least I did occasionally. At 31, it's seems an almost impossible task. Especially when it comes to meeting single woman of a similar age who've never been married and have no kids. I can only imagine that by age 40, the number of those people will be even less!


LOL, my quandary, too.. we'll see.. If I were living on my own, I could adjust at least a little better..


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## chris4088

i'm 36 and single, no kids, a few very brief relationships and thats about it. it can get pretty lonely sometimes but its not too bad i spose. i just think of all the things i dont have to put myself through while i am single. like trying to explain that i am NOT embarrassed to be seen in public with her i just have sa. 
they never truly understand i'm sure, just use it to feed there own anxiety's and throw the blame at me as usual. 
tbh i dont wanna be crude but i just want to get laid  just want to feel a woman lying next to me for a while....its not too much too ask is it ?????


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## metamorphosis

Yo, right here, I qualify. Now what?? Wait we just say we're lonely and move along. How depressing, I feel so used. Wheres my Christmas present???


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## nbtac41

im 42,filipino,..still single because i have gamophobia. pm me if you want to apply..


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## Stanley Joe

Turning 41 in a few weeks. No kids. No gf/wife. No prospects. I get more depressed the older i get. People have told me i look younger than i really am. The looks will go pretty soon im sure and ill have no chance of finding anyone. I dont want to die alone.


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## smt074

I'm 37, single with no kids. I've had a few fairly long relationships in my life but none have worked out. I am close to my family and have a few close friends. To be honest I am perfectly happy being single - I love the freedom of it. I wouldn't be against being with someone if I met the right person but I'm not in fear of being alone or anything.


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## Trmick

smt074 said:


> I'm 37, single with no kids. I've had a few fairly long relationships in my life but none have worked out. I am close to my family and have a few close friends. To be honest I am perfectly happy being single - I love the freedom of it. I wouldn't be against being with someone if I met the right person but I'm not in fear of being alone or anything.


Roger that


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## Futures

melissa75 said:


> I'm 36, single, no kids. I think I would be happier if not for depression, which I've had since I was a teen. I do have a good job and have always had a job. Graduated from college, too. I'm just missing an important piece in my life which is a significant other. I've kinda stopped thinking of the possibility of kids and just thought about wanting happiness with myself and another guy at some point. I have one close friend who lives 4 hours away and family that lives a few hours away, as well...


Why don't you hook up with Millenniumman75? You're both 36, have 75 at the end of your username and are mods. Sounds like a match to me.:yes


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## wtbfree

I am 39, never married, no kids. I just dont know that I could handle the worry that comes along with having kids. I do get very lonely sometimes. I would love to find a woman who I could be truly comfortable around but I wonder if my social anxiety will hold me back from ever finding that relationship. I have not always been this way. My anxiety got really bad when I was 20 for some reason. It has held me back from doing so many things. I want to be happy again.


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## gmdrew

melissa75 said:


> I'm 36, single, no kids. I think I would be happier if not for depression, which I've had since I was a teen. I do have a good job and have always had a job. Graduated from college, too. I'm just missing an important piece in my life which is a significant other. I've kinda stopped thinking of the possibility of kids and just thought about wanting happiness with myself and another guy at some point. I have one close friend who lives 4 hours away and family that lives a few hours away, as well...


I know waht you mean about having a significant other...though I do have a 6 1/2 and a 3 year old (the 2 girls are from a previous marriage that failed because she never wanted to spend time with me)...still I hate not being able to share my life with another adult.


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## gmdrew

lissa530 said:


> I'm 29 and single. I doubt that will ever change.


 I know what you mean...I am 35 and I thought I would be happily married forever to someone that loves me the way i love them by now...ah well...such is life I suppose


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## peril

lissa530 said:


> I'm 29 and single. I doubt that will ever change.


Replace 9 with 7 and you got me. :sigh


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## millenniumman75

Futures said:


> Why don't you hook up with Millenniumman75? You're both 36, have 75 at the end of your username and are mods. Sounds like a match to me.:yes


:lol - what is this? Love Connection?! :lol


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## boredandtired

roses6 said:


> Are there any people here who are single and do not have kids over the age of 35/40?
> Pretty sure I'm going to be in that situation one day, just wondering how life is for you, etc?


In this situation at the moment and have been single for a while. A while back I completely gave up on finding a new girlfriend because let's face it, it's a cruel world out there for guys (now) and the likelihood of finding a woman who isn't completely brainwashed is virtually impossible. Only way around the brainwashing is hanging out with older women. 
/rant 

Anyway to answer your question, holiday gatherings are a mental nightmare. I find it hilarious that divorce is seen as OK but never marrying is a "crime". Being the only single person throughout my family is completely embarrassing.

Other then that I absolutely love being single and being the "cool uncle" to my niece and nephew. I'm really looking forward to early retirement.


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## 57chevy

44 and single. Never been married, no kids


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## millenniumman75

boredandtired said:


> In this situation at the moment and have been single for a while. A while back I completely gave up on finding a new girlfriend because let's face it, it's a cruel world out there for guys (now) and the likelihood of finding a woman who isn't completely brainwashed is virtually impossible. Only way around the brainwashing is hanging out with older women.
> /rant
> 
> Anyway to answer your question, holiday gatherings are a mental nightmare. I find it hilarious that divorce is seen as OK but never marrying is a "crime". Being the only single person throughout my family is completely embarrassing.
> 
> Other then that I absolutely love being single and being the "cool uncle" to my niece and nephew. I'm really looking forward to early retirement.


I think there are still women out there - "brainwashed" or not :stu


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## boredandtired

millenniumman75 said:


> I think there are still women out there - "brainwashed" or not :stu


The numbers are decreasing rapidly with each passing year. The hoops we're expected to jump through in todays world just to live up to their unrealistic fantasy is simply ridiculous.


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## millenniumman75

boredandtired said:


> The numbers are decreasing rapidly with each passing year. The hoops we're expected to jump through in todays world just to live up to their unrealistic fantasy is simply ridiculous.


We don't have to jump through hoops. :lol
I was more concerned with the mindset. We should not hold bitterness for something like this. We may not like being single, but it is a lot better than some of the options out there.


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## boredandtired

millenniumman75 said:


> We don't have to jump through hoops. :lol
> I was more concerned with the mindset. We should not hold bitterness for something like this. We may not like being single, but it is a lot better than some of the options out there.


That may have sounded bitter but I'm just being realistic. As I've mentioned earlier that ship has sailed a long time ago and I'm beyond pleased with my decision. I'll gladly put up with the odd 5th wheel scenario at family gatherings just to avoid a generation of mental and financial misery.

Seeing almost every marriage I've known end in divorce (other then my parents) is enough evidence that it's not worth it. Using marriage (and in most cases multiple) as some sort retirement plan is simply not fair especially if children are involved.


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## millenniumman75

boredandtired said:


> That may have sounded bitter but I'm just being realistic. As I've mentioned earlier that ship has sailed a long time ago and I'm beyond pleased with my decision. I'll gladly put up with the odd 5th wheel scenario at family gatherings just to avoid a generation of mental and financial misery.
> 
> Seeing almost every marriage I've known end in divorce (other then my parents) is enough evidence that it's not worth it. Using marriage (and in most cases multiple) as some sort retirement plan is simply not fair especially if children are involved.


I wouldn't completely make it a goal not to get married, though. Even at 36, it is possible. Chances of maturity are higher.

I have actually had people in their 20s say they were jealous of the fact that people in their 30s seem to have their stuff together more. It was an interesting compliment.


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## Lincolnradiocat

[/QUOTE] Essentially, over the years I've learned to do almost everything alone. Whether it be run errands, go out to eat, to the movies, the the bar/or nightclub, concerts, beach, etc. I've done everything alone for so long, I get no joy out of dong activities that I'd usually enjoy, because I've been doing them alone for years. I'm sick of it! It's so monotonous I just want some company for a change. People tell you to get a hobby or pursue your own interests if you don't have somebody to do things with, but that gets old when you've only done things by yourself for years on end.

On top of that, I've found with each passing year since my early twenties, it's harder and harder to meet new people! Even without SA! It seems like by the 30's everybody gradually either moves away, or they get married and have kids and a career they're caught up in Also, they have their established groups of friends and they aren't really out looking to meet new people. Nor do they really put themselves out there, or just have time to hangout like people who are younger.

It was hard for me to meet people in my twenties, but at least I did occasionally. At 31, it's seems an almost impossible task. Especially when it comes to meeting single woman of a similar age who've never been married and have no kids. I can only imagine that by age 40, the number of those people will be even less![/QUOTE]

What you said. It's like that in a small town. I lost my "network" when most of my friends married off or went off to college. Now I have made a resolution to get out more and socialize instead always going by "default" which means staying home and working on my hobbies and playing Madden football. But it is difficult as it means I go out a lot on my own.

As far as finding women where I live, its like you said. Most people have their own networks and unless its a friend of a friend or a co-worker, its very difficult to find an "in" to get your name out there.

Another problem is most of the single women that are around here are young. 23 and under. Now, 21 to 24 is not too young for me but I have a feeling I'm too old for them.


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## Lincolnradiocat

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Marriage and children are made out to be the main point of living, but they're really not.


It's a very important part for a lot of people. I think most (including myself) grew up with the expectation of marriage and children because that is just what everybody does. However I am at a point where I'm am at peace with it. If it doesn't happen for me, then it wasn't meant to happen. I'm okay with it.


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## Talgonite

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Marriage and children are made out to be the main point of living, but they're really not.


I have a coworker who is 22. She just got married and told me today that she can't wait to get pregnant.

I'm obviously not 35 but as of right now I definitely have no desire for children.


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## hypestyle

as I inch closer to 40 I start to increasingly wonder myself.. how am I perceived by younger women I encounter, especially those I find attractive? older brother? potential date? friend of their dad/mom? etc... I find myself depressed at the prospect of being written off as too old by younger women, as well as the possibility of being written off by women my age when they find out about my lack of dating history/relationships... I'm in no hurry to get married, but I am in a hurry to get la*d.. I'm disdainful of the idea that 'nice guys' shouldn't be interested in sex, but I'm fearful of just stating up front that i'm not looking for anything long-term and the potential rejection that brings, since many 'older' women consider themselves as having 'been-there-done-that (or never done that)' when it comes to casual flings in their teens and twentys, and sex just isn't top of mind anymore..


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## elistia

over 35, female, never married, no children, one "relationship"--if i use the term loosely. long term employed--working with the public--and it pays ok for this area but i hate the job because it's working with the public, thankless and exhausting. i cannot figure out what else i can possibly do (or even want to do) since i've been in this job for as long as i have. long story why i took the job to begin with but the reason is gone. 
people positively confound me.
because i feel the way i do about people, i didn't actually know what it was to feel "lonely" until about a year or so ago. i do not know what triggered the "lonely" feeling. for the most part, i enjoy being alone. i enjoy my own company. i need a lot of solitude to rejuvenate for work. but there are times when i absolutely need something as simple as a hug. i do not know why. 
i've got one thing that keeps me going...one thing. and it would seem silly to anyone who doesn't know me so i will not name that thing. i will just write that it only takes one thing--one thing to make the s**t worth enduring. find that thing and hang on to it.


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## hypestyle

elistia said:


> over 35, female, never married, no children, one "relationship"--if i use the term loosely. long term employed--working with the public--and it pays ok for this area but i hate the job because it's working with the public, thankless and exhausting. i cannot figure out what else i can possibly do (or even want to do) since i've been in this job for as long as i have. long story why i took the job to begin with but the reason is gone.
> people positively confound me.
> because i feel the way i do about people, i didn't actually know what it was to feel "lonely" until about a year or so ago. i do not know what triggered the "lonely" feeling. for the most part, i enjoy being alone. i enjoy my own company. i need a lot of solitude to rejuvenate for work. but there are times when i absolutely need something as simple as a hug. i do not know why.
> i've got one thing that keeps me going...one thing. and it would seem silly to anyone who doesn't know me so i will not name that thing. i will just write that it only takes one thing--one thing to make the s**t worth enduring. find that thing and hang on to it.


 I wish we could meet in person, elistia.. best of luck.. (hug from afar)


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## OoieGooie

Ill say a few different things I think...

Im 35 and single + no kids. Its not that bad.

My brother just had his girlfriend cheat on him and his reply to me was "you have no fkn idea how lucky you are". This is a guy who is healthy, has muscle, great job and time to spend with his girl. She still cheated. My bro is the perfect guy so you can imagine everyone's confusion on this matter (take my word for it).

My point is, there are positives and negatives to being single. You don't realise it because the whole "couples+kids" thing is very, VERY popular. In fact, its pretty much the reason most people live. "Leave school, find partner, breed, die". It feels weird to not be a part of the circle. Plus you can see couples. You see them kiss, hold hands, eat at restaurants and work. You don't see the fighting, cheating and anger with other couples as its behind closed doors.

For every happy couple, there are 2 more couples that have ended in divorce (something like that). Usually in a messy and expensive way, destroying friendships along the way as well.

Should these negative aspects scare you from finding love? *No* way. As mentioned, the "door swings both ways", just be aware of that.

For me, being single at 35 gives freedom. I can literally do anything I want with no asking for permission or having someone tag along. I don't care how well you get along with a partner, sometimes you just need time out. Doesnt happen often.

No kids = No poop, more money to spend on me, more holidays, more seeing friends and if you're lucky more rooting around (lucky for some eh?). Kids don't always grow up to like their parents and most move away and you don't see them all that often. My mother and dad hardly see me at all as Im not close to them (hardly saw them as a kid, always working).

Lifes funny like that.

Do I wish I had a partner? Sure, if they have the same life goals. Im yet to meet one.


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## musiclover

I'm 37, divorced, no children, and live with my 86 year old grandmother. I have severe driving fear and never went to college because of my anxiety. I only have a few close friends, but they stay so busy that I hardly ever see them. I haven't worked in 5 years because my grandmother needs my help at home, and my anxiety has gotten worse. I rarely leave the house unless we need groceries, or have to go to a doctor appt. My grandmother never had a license, so we are pretty isolated in our house most days, me using the computer, and her watching tv. My grandmother was just hospitalized for confusion and agitation, and is on new medicine. I am her only caregiver, and I am applying to get SS disability. It is extremely stressful for me. I worry about her health and my own.
My social life is talking to a few people online and my grandmother's nurses and doctors. :|


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## RonM

OoieGooie said:


> For every happy couple, there are 2 more couples that have ended in divorce (something like that). Usually in a messy and expensive way, destroying friendships along the way as well.


QFT.

I'll be 33 soon, just got divorced and have a 3 year old son. It's not much easier in this situation and I'd even argue that it's worse since more people are involved.

So, from here on out I have that painful experience to deal with on top of _also_ probably being alone until I die.

Having a child is very rewarding but I worry about when he he's old enough to realize his dad is kind of a loser. :|


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## HobbitGrrl

I'm closer to 40 than 30, and have been divorced for nine years. We had no children. I've had about 4 dates since my ex-husband & I split up eleven years ago, and they were all lousy in one way or another. LOL. I really don't think I'm cut out for relationship stuff. It takes me so long to recharge after working with people all day, that I'm not really in the mood to come home to someone in my space. I have a small circle of close friends and my family is very supportive. For the most part, I'm good with my single life, but I won't say it doesn't get lonely sometimes.


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## Scrumpilump2000

I'm 38 (39 in August!), single, no kids, never been married. Despite my wanting to chime in here with a sob story, I am aware that I've got some good stuff going on in my life. I don't want to waste any more time than I already have on "stinkin' thinkin' ." My approach has been to maintain a positive attitude. 
I don't think life is particularly designed to be easy, for anybody. A difficult life does not preclude small moments of joy. In fact, I would argue that the best things in life are the little things that are everywhere: a nice cup of tea, a crisp star-filled night sky, being greeted at the big window by your smiling little nephew, experiencing the satisfaction of having completed a difficult task, the smell of fresh tulips.....the list is endless.
The grass seems greener on the other side of the fence! Don't compare your insides to someone else's outside. 
You might think this is overly Pollyanna-ish but considering the alternative is a bottomless pit of hopeless despair on which nothing useful can be built, I choose the former :-D
Another thing I tell myself: don't make things worse. Things might not be unfolding as per your perfect life plan but don't veer further off course by doing stupid things that make your situation worse! Make intelligent use of your time, money, energy. Do something useful.


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## DaydreamBeliever10

Lonelyguy said:


> I'm 36, been single my whole life. No real life relationship, no female friends, absolutely no physical intimacy of any kind with the opposite sex ever. Just one online relationship and never met her.
> How has it affected me? I'm seriously depressed and extremely lonely and sad all the time. I've become isolated and withdrawn, I rarely leave the house except to go to work because its too depressing to see couples everywhere in public. I've grown bitter and mostly keep to myself. I don't really talk to anyone except my parents and a few people online anymore. My job is about the only thing I have...the only thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose in this world. I honestly don't know how much longer I can stand to live this way. :time :rain


I feel the same way and if life doesn't change I figure by 40 I won't be able to take it anymore  I'm trying to make changes in my life but it's not easy, especially when you're so down that you're tired all the time and your motivation and energy have moved on without you. I haven't told anyone in my life how much I'm struggling right now because I figure I'm just feeling sorry for myself and need to get a grip. Besides that I don't want to bring anyone down but it's so hard at the moment, here's hoping I snap out of this funk soon.
I hope you can find something or someone to help you feel better and give you something to find purpose in, I really do.


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## hypestyle

Scrumpilump2000 said:


> I'm 38 (39 in August!), single, no kids, never been married. Despite my wanting to chime in here with a sob story, I am aware that I've got some good stuff going on in my life. I don't want to waste any more time than I already have on "stinkin' thinkin' ." My approach has been to maintain a positive attitude.
> I don't think life is particularly designed to be easy, for anybody. A difficult life does not preclude small moments of joy. In fact, I would argue that the best things in life are the little things that are everywhere: a nice cup of tea, a crisp star-filled night sky, being greeted at the big window by your smiling little nephew, experiencing the satisfaction of having completed a difficult task, the smell of fresh tulips.....the list is endless.
> The grass seems greener on the other side of the fence! Don't compare your insides to someone else's outside.
> You might think this is overly Pollyanna-ish but considering the alternative is a bottomless pit of hopeless despair on which nothing useful can be built, I choose the former :-D
> Another thing I tell myself: don't make things worse. Things might not be unfolding as per your perfect life plan but don't veer further off course by doing stupid things that make your situation worse! Make intelligent use of your time, money, energy. Do something useful.


 just curious, do you get to have a love life?


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## sadloser

sadloser here so lonely and depressed and the worst thing of all is am irish and we are soppose to be a happy bunch bullocks to that


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## bn4now

Time passes on. Things change. So maybe relatioships and all other interpersonal interactions will change as society "evolves". I am in my early forties and have had one long term relationship that ended last year. So I don't feel I'm in a hurry to get into another one. 

I have seen some bad stuff in my one relationship and in other people out there in the "real world". Believe it or not, being single might not be the worst thing in the world. I know it can feel like it. You just have to be a good person, whoever you are and wherever you are, THEN good things can and DO happen. 

Maybe I am on a "different" path. All of us who may be alone or "left behind" or whatever, maybe we can still have a good existence here in this world. The one real relationship I had did not happen until I was 34 years old. And I look at how many divorces there are how much cheating is going on, and I really have to think. 

Whatever time we have here, just do the best you can and find some kind of satisfaction or contentment in just BEING. Alot of married people are not happy. Some extremely rich people are not happy. Alot of famous people are not happy. 

So wherever you are, just BE.


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## brightenthecorners

*no kids/ 36*

What will it be like to have no kids at age 36? Who knows. There are so many women that don't need/have the capacity to be mothers. I'm glad I'm not one of them. If I really wanted a baby I'd advertise like a motherf*er and explore all those other options that are readily available. Soon the people with kids will be in the minority. Take care of yourself. Help other people. Screw kids. Or not.


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## lattiee

I will be 35 in May and I'm a single mom of 1 boy who is 7 been raising him on my own since he was born.

I never had a date until I was 23 which was only for 2 weekends since he was out of town but too weird.

I started dating another guy a few months later a year later we moved in with each other our relationship was starting to get bad before I was pregnant with my son and so after I had Brendan I left his dad.

I haven't been in a dating relationship since I left my son's dad.


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## angelcastiel

I kinda feel depressed coz I am turning 35 and I havent got into a relationship and I was like not being honest about it whenever I met an old friend or meet new people asking me about stuff, I generally answer "It's been awhile since my boyfriend and I broke up... Blah blah"
Coz its too depressing knowing they all seem to have a family of their own, kids...
Haha! I do want to have my own kid...
And then a thought crossed my mind, if there are other people actually having the same situation and decided to google it. And here I am. But this topic is too old as well. Haha.

It just feels empty.


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