# Girls- Do you ever not show interest in a guy you like unless he does first?



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I've heard this from some girls and was just curious. Obviously some girls have no problem showing interest in a guy first, but others will not do it unless he makes it clear he is interested in them. But until then those girls will act sort of indifferent or mildly friendly but no flirting etc.

To those that do what is your reasoning behind it? Is it something other than SA issues?

*EDIT:* I'm just talking about showing even subtle interest like- smiling more, laughing at jokes, more eye contact, subtle touching like on the arm etc. Not really talking about asking the person out first.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Well, if I'm interested in a guy but I don't think I have a shot with him then I'll just ignore my feelings and not do anything. Or if I think a guy probably won't be interested for whatever reason then I won't want to embarrass myself.


----------



## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

Shameful said:


> Well, if I'm interested in a guy but I don't think I have a shot with him then I'll just ignore my feelings and not do anything. Or if I think a guy probably won't be interested for whatever reason then I won't want to embarrass myself.


This is similar to what i do


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I don't know any girl who would show interest first, and for a damn good reason - it is considered socially unacceptable for girls to do so, plus most guys absolutely hate it and will be immediately turned off. As i've said on here before, it is seen as too forward/desperate. From what i've seen, it doesn't work unless the girl is in the top 10% of attractiveness or so. I've seen and heard so many girls get picked on for this that I would never encourage one of them to make the first move.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I don't know any girl who would show interest first, and for a damn good reason - it is considered socially unacceptable for girls to do so, plus most guys absolutely hate it and will be immediately turned off. As i've said on here before, it is seen as too forward/desperate. From what i've seen, it doesn't work unless the girl is in the top 10% of attractiveness or so. I've seen and heard so many girls get picked on for this that I would never encourage one of them to make the first move.


Well, I know that is your life experience and that of those you know. I can tell you that the reactions are not the same everywhere though.

But I wasn't talking about having a girl ask a guy out. Just showing interest like smiling at the guy, flirting, etc. In other words showing the guy or hinting that she is interested in a romantic way.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Darktower776 said:


> But I wasn't talking about having a girl ask a guy out. Just showing interest like smiling at the guy, flirting, etc. In other words showing the guy or hinting that she is interested in a romantic way.


I meant this, too. I've seen guys make fun of girls for doing just that. Essentially, no display of interest is acceptable.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Idk where you're from that it's like that, but that's not how it is everywhere. There's nothing wrong with girls expressing interest in a guy and only guys who strongly believe in traditional gender roles (yuck, guys I'd never be interested in) would feel that way.


----------



## lethe1864 (Jun 25, 2014)

too afraid of rejection or looking stupid to make the first move.
i realize this puts all the pressure on the guy, that's why ihave lots of respect, praise, for guys or girls who are able to approach others, its just something i dont see myself being able to do


----------



## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

This factors both women and men... There is no need to box things around this subject..

A girl would wanna flirt to you if they feel like it. As to if they are confedent enough. Same goes for a guy.

Then again.. Some ignorant noob stupid unrational contry's do this sorda ROLE placement.. And commenly girls are set to the kinda. Let guys flirt first thing. Why? Well first of all we usually have to job to make her happy as well as provide her with safety. That has been most of what they have always been wanting from 1000's of years back(But ofc that doesn't change what it is now. And it's not a global thing. It's just a commen thing) But there is really no need to box things.. Saying: "Girls wont do this or that" is stupid. Some girls might. And I couldn't respect those girls more than ever.

BTW most feminist are idiots. (sry)

If there is something I love about this world it's people who break the cycle of normal habbits.


----------



## ThatGuy11200 (Sep 3, 2012)

Women almost always say that there's a stigma and that men don't like it when a woman makes the move. Personally I think this is just an excuse they use to justify why they don't bother putting themselves forward.

Funnily enough, this question was asked on another forum recently. One woman said that it's a fact that men don't like it, despite her saying, in the same post, that she's done it twice, and the second time was to the guy she eventually married.

So I think this is just a myth (obviously there will be _some_ men like that, just like there are some women who make fun of shy men for doing it) and that it's a lack of confidence that makes women feel this way.


----------



## Packwolf (Oct 20, 2014)

I'd be thrilled if a woman actually showed that much interest in me. Though since I'm a dateless 21 year old I'd probably be desperate enough to take any bone thrown to me at all.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

ThatGuy11200 said:


> Women almost always say that there's a stigma and that men don't like it when a woman makes the move. Personally I think this is just an excuse they use to justify why they don't bother putting themselves forward.


You misunderstand, it's not that the man won't like it, I'm sure many would be thrilled (though there are also many who would make a public freak out over it), it's that the woman doing any sort of very forward approaching is risking being labelled a dirty word that starts with "s" and being ridiculed for being sexually aggressive because that's stepping out of her role.

Women do express interest though, very often. Asking for a number is probably a lot rarer, but making the initial expression of interest, starting the conversation, being the first to start complimenting or flirting....that happens all the time.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Some of you live in weeeeirrd parts of the world. Every girl I've been involved with showed interest first and approached me and although I'm the opposite of what the OP is asking, my reasoning for never showing interest first is likely the same, fear of rejection. As for what's socially acceptable, I've never seen or heard of a girl being ridiculed for making the first move, but i feel like we've had threads about this before, and that includes from both male and female friends living in the US.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I heard (not sure if it's true) that Aussie girls are more likely to ask guys out than North American or British ones.

Or maybe you're really hot or have this look on your face that says "you know you want me" :cup


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yes I've always tried not to show any obvious interest, sometimes I've failed though. Guys don't really like me so it's easier that way. I don't like making things awkward. I think if you know many people find you hot, then it's OK. (not necessarily many, but if you get randomly approached now and then as many attractive women do, or you've been complimented on physical things other than clothes or hair quite a few times.) Otherwise you can take a risk, but the chance of you embarrasing yourself is pretty high so...



vicente said:


> I heard (not sure if it's true) that Aussie girls are more likely to ask guys out than North American or British ones.
> 
> Or maybe you're really hot or have this look on your face that says "you know you want me" :cup


Yeah, the only people I hear online mentioning that lots of girls approach them are Australian. People from pretty much every other part of the world never say this.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

I didn't like showing interest first because in the past I had always done the pursuing and ended up getting hurt. I figured the guys weren't very interested in me in the first place. I think majority of guys would prefer to be the one who made the first move. When a lady does it, he quickly loses interest. I decided to let the guys make the first move from then on. I wanted someone who liked me enough that he was willing to risk getting rejected. That was what I wanted, so I stopped doing the pursuing or showing signs. Plus just preference, I wanted the strong type who knew how to initiate and knew what he wanted.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

They expect the man to make the first move, towards them, when they haven't even shown a hint of interest in him in the first place... And wonder why nothing ever happens.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> They expect the man to make the first move, towards them, when they haven't even shown a hint of interest in him in the first place... And wonder why nothing ever happens.


I don't think most women expect the guy to make a move, if they don't show any interest themselves (and plenty of women do show interest of some kind,) they probably expect the guy not to.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't think most women expect the guy to make a move, if they don't show any interest themselves (and plenty of women do show interest of some kind,) they probably expect the guy not to.


Most guys, especially any guys with class or SA are going to feel very intrusive bothering a woman they like - huge risk of messing it up or annoying them or looking dumb. I think part of it is showing interest, but just as important is having some way the guy can approach them or talk without it being strained.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> Most guys, especially any guys with class or SA are going to feel very intrusive bothering a woman they like - huge risk of messing it up or annoying them or looking dumb. I think part of it is showing interest, but just as important is having some way the guy can approach them or talk without it being strained.


what does this have to do with my post?

Anyway if you're attracted to a woman who knows she's attractive at least a significant amount of the time, this shouldn't be a problem.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> what does this have to do with my post?
> 
> Anyway if you're attracted to a woman who knows she's attractive at least a significant amout of the time, this shouldn't be a problem.


You said they don't expect the guy to make the first move, I pointed out why they often simply can't... no opportunities.


----------



## Potato Girl (Jul 22, 2013)

usually I can tell if a guy is 'eyeing me' and if they don't do anything about it and I'm interested I'll probably make the first move if I'm crushing hard which doesn't happen often. So far my assumptions have been correct and I haven't been turned down (yet lol). However if I get nothing from them I'll put myself in casual situations where I can gauge there response towards me and work from there.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

raenic said:


> usually I can tell if a guy is 'eyeing me' and if they don't do anything about it and I'm interested I'll probably make the first move if I'm crushing hard which doesn't happen often. So far my assumptions have been correct and I haven't been turned down (yet lol). However if I get nothing from them I'll put myself in casual situations where I can gauge there response towards me and work from there.


Another Australian girl who makes the first move. Damn, I wish I could move to Australia. I wonder if Australian girls ask out "Asian" looking guys too or only Whites


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> You said they don't expect the guy to make the first move, I pointed out why they often simply can't... no opportunities.


Maybe some women ignore evidence that they are attractive, that will make it more difficult for you, but most will be at least willing to show _some _ interest if they think there's any chance.

I doubt this website will be a realistic representation of women in general. Lots of people here have had negative experiences and there's also the SA thing either way.



vicente said:


> Another Australian girl who makes the first move. Damn, I wish I could move to Australia. I wonder if Australian girls ask out "Asian" looking guys too or only Whites


No, the whole of Australia only likes white guys. /sarcasm


----------



## Potato Girl (Jul 22, 2013)

vicente said:


> Another Australian girl who makes the first move. Damn, I wish I could move to Australia. I wonder if Australian girls ask out "Asian" looking guys too or only Whites


Actually I'm Asian myself and all the guys I've dated have been Asian too (aside from one). I'm not interested in white guys nor have I ever been. However I wouldn't be interested in a self-hating Asian with a victim complex either.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

raenic said:


> However I wouldn't be interested in a self-hating Asian with a victim complex either.


I'm guessing you're trying to get me to say "Touché". You're right, it's positive attitudes that are most attractive to people, not negative defeatist "woe-is-me" attitudes. However sometimes you have to acknowledge the cards you've been dealt and make the best of them rather than give up in self-pity.


----------



## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Dang, I need to go to Australia.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

raenic said:


> usually I can tell if a guy is 'eyeing me' and if they don't do anything about it and I'm interested I'll probably make the first move if I'm crushing hard which doesn't happen often. So far my assumptions have been correct and I haven't been turned down (yet lol). However if I get nothing from them I'll put myself in casual situations where I can gauge there response towards me and work from there.


Yeah this is pretty much what I'm talking about. It helps if the girl- considering if she is interested- will give the guy some kind of feedback either non verbal or verbal. If I like a girl or find her attractive, I'll usually "eye" her to see if there is any hint of mutual interest. If I get no positive hint or response back then I won't really think of approaching because I'll assume she's not interested.

If she acts indifferent toward me, even after interacting, then I'll definitely assume she is not interested in that way. I know some girls will give the guy a hint if they are interested, I think.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

lilyamongthorns said:


> I didn't like showing interest first because in the past I had always done the pursuing and ended up getting hurt. *I figured the guys weren't very interested in me in the first place.* I think majority of guys would prefer to be the one who made the first move. When a lady does it, he quickly loses interest. I decided to let the guys make the first move from then on. I wanted someone who liked me enough that he was willing to risk getting rejected. That was what I wanted, so I stopped doing the pursuing or showing signs. Plus just preference, I wanted the strong type who knew how to initiate and knew what he wanted.


I've heard that before, but I think a lot of guys will either not make or be very hesitant to make a move if the girl is giving him zero/indifferent feedback. I know some guys will just go ahead no matter what but guys I know would prefer at least some positive hint if the girl is interested as well.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I guess "interest" and "first move" are sort of murky terms to deal with here. I'm not talking about asking the guy out first, I was just talking about showing that you are interested in some small or even subtle way.

*Question: Would a guy you are interested in giving you looks or "eyeballing" you be enough of a show of interest on his part in order for you to reciprocate?*


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I think there's a lot of misunderstanding the dating rituals here. Both men and women show interest, it is never one-sided and if it is one-sided then he or she is not interested so you should give up. It is a gradual build up of showing interest at varying levels until you get to the point of asking someone out.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Shameful said:


> I think there's a lot of misunderstanding the dating rituals here. Both men and women show interest, it is never one-sided and if it is one-sided then he or she is not interested so you should give up. It is a gradual build up of showing interest at varying levels until you get to the point of asking someone out.


Nah, I frequently don't show interest in people I'm actually interested in. I know this isn't what the average woman would do, but I meant what I said.



Darktower776 said:


> I guess "interest" and "first move" are sort of murky terms to deal with here. I'm not talking about asking the guy out first, I was just talking about showing that you are interested in some small or even subtle way.
> 
> *Question: Would a guy you are interested in giving you looks or "eyeballing" you be enough of a show of interest on his part in order for you to reciprocate?*


That has never happened, I'd have to see in the situation, but given my style I'd generally assume they were staring for that reason depending on what I was wearing at that point/whether I'd dyed my hair/where I was.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Nah, I frequently don't show interest in people I'm actually interested in. I know this isn't what the average woman would do, but I meant what I said.


Well, yeah, I'm mostly referring to what normal, non-anxious people would do, since that's the only thing that's really useful. 9/10 times if someone is showing you no interest at all it means they're not interested and you're wasting your time at best, and possibly making them uncomfortable. There will be people who are interested but don't show it, but that information isn't really usable, unless there's some way to know when they're just faking disinterest. On the other side of that, there's definitely also going to be people who fake interest when actually not interested.

Everything involving other humans is complicated and sucks, but there are ways to make it suck less, and avoiding hitting on people who are showing you no interest is in the vast majority of situations going to be the right decision.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Shameful said:


> Well, yeah, I'm mostly referring to what normal, non-anxious people would do, since that's the only thing that's really useful. 9/10 times if someone is showing you no interest at all it means they're not interested and you're wasting your time at best, and possibly making them uncomfortable. There will be people who are interested but don't show it, but that information isn't really usable, unless there's some way to know when they're just faking disinterest. On the other side of that, there's definitely also going to be people who fake interest when actually not interested.
> 
> Everything involving other humans is complicated and sucks, but there are ways to make it suck less, and avoiding hitting on people who are showing you no interest is in the vast majority of situations going to be the right decision.


Yeah, I know, just saying cause you said 'here'  I think OP thinks that people have misinterpreted the question but I hadn't.

Anyway SA isn't the reason I don't, that would be the reason I wouldn't ask people out. I don't show interest at all to save face. Tired of being that 12 year old girl with an embarrassing one sided crush.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah, I know, just saying cause you said 'here'  I think OP thinks that people have misinterpreted the question but I hadn't.


Ah, gotcha. I wasn't thinking of your post at all when I wrote that, I was actually saying that because of the OP's question itself.



> Anyway SA isn't the reason I don't, that would be the reason I wouldn't ask people out. I don't show interest at all to save face. Tired of being that 12 year old girl with an embarrassing one sided crush.


Lol, I understand that! I'm pretty embarrassed when I'm crushing on a guy, makes me want to avoid him for fear that he'll realize it and I'll be humiliated. I said in my first post on the thread that I'll hide my feelings if I think I have no shot with the guy - I think I have no shot with 99% of guys :cry


----------



## East (Jul 22, 2013)

I don't show interest ever bc if I do it first I don't want them to be all "ew wtf" and I assume if anyone shows "interest" in me they're just being nice and they treat everyone like that. I can't imagine anyone ever actually truly genuinely really /liking/ me so I'm working on not being able to like anyone at all ever again wish me luck


----------



## A Monster (Jul 7, 2014)

Girls only show interest when the guy is physically attractive. Period. If you are unattractive you might as well check out of the dating scene.


----------



## BrainChemistry (Oct 1, 2014)

A Monster said:


> Girls only show interest when the guy is physically attractive. Period. If you are unattractive you might as well check out of the dating scene.


But what is attractive is dependent on the person. For me girls being attractive depend mainly on body language and the kind of personality it send out. I get more attracted by nervous and girls showing a deeper emotional spectrum in their body language in general.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I think it's worth mentioning that guys, generally speaking, may not notice subtle or non-verbal cues as well as women seem to.

Guys may need much more obvious signs of interest than women do.

Eg.

_"I've been showing signs of interest in him for ages but he's not making a move...he must not like me"_

Answer: He may well be totally unaware of your interest in him. Your signs/signals may be too subtle.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I think it's worth mentioning that guys, generally speaking, may not notice subtle or non-verbal cues as well as women seem to.
> 
> Guys may need much more obvious signs of interest than women do.
> 
> ...


It seems ridiculous that they'd be blind to it since most of the signs of interest girls show are the same as guys. Eye contact, subtle compliments, a teasing joke, keeping a conversation going, asking questions about their lives, coming close to them....all of these are the same things guys do when flirting with a girl. So it seems bizarre that they wouldn't notice. It actually seems like guys are expecting girls to be even more forward about their interest than guys themselves are in order to actually believe it.


----------



## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

I've always initiated things first with the guys I was REALLY into. I dated these guys for the longest amount of time. Same goes with my current boyfriend. I've rarely dated guys that asked me out/flirted with me first. It's not that I didn't think they were nice or attractive, I just wasn't feeling that same sort of vibe. When I flirt with a guy, it's usually because I've known them for a bit, think they're attractive, and can tell we'd work out well together. And I can usually tell right away if they're feelin' it or not. 

Also, the guys I like the most are usually pretty shy/introverted, so if I don't do something first it might never happen. :b


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Shameful said:


> It seems ridiculous that they'd be blind to it since most of the signs of interest girls show are the same as guys. Eye contact, subtle compliments, a teasing joke, keeping a conversation going, asking questions about their lives, coming close to them....all of these are the same things guys do when flirting with a girl. So it seems bizarre that they wouldn't notice. It actually seems like guys are expecting girls to be even more forward about their interest than guys themselves are in order to actually believe it.


Well I've heard numerous women describe less obvious actions than that.

Also, all the things you mentioned are things that platonic friends do with each other too. So a guy could tell himself: _"Oh she's just friendly"_

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing those things. Just mentioning that it's no guarantee a guy will be able to decipher a woman's intentions.


----------



## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I meant this, too. I've seen guys make fun of girls for doing just that. Essentially, no display of interest is acceptable.


Smiling at a guy, eye contact, and laughing at his bad jokes is socially unacceptable? :lol

I guess this is how girls flirt in Massachussetts:










wouldfeelcompelledtoaskonadate/10


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Well I've heard numerous women describe less obvious actions than that.
> 
> Also, all the things you mentioned are things that platonic friends do with each other too. So a guy could tell himself: _"Oh she's just friendly"_
> 
> I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing those things. Just mentioning that it's no guarantee a guy will be able to decipher a woman's intentions.


Yeah those are things platonic friends do but they're also things that guys and girls hitting on each other do, and guys may misread it as friendliness but girls also misread guys as merely being friendly all the time too. My main point is, what does a girl have to do to make you realize she's interested? And the second point is, why don't guys start doing that too? I have an American view on this things though, and here things are subtle on both sides. It seems that you Australians may be quite a bit more forward from what Aussiepea was saying.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

i have been told once or twice that some girl passed me and apparently the person I was with said... '' oh she just gave you the glad eye'' which meant that the girl found me attractive. and gave ma a lustful looking over.

BUT i did not notice them passing, . but the girl just walks past and says nothings. WTF is the point in that.? people are shy remember,. so both of us loses out/

if a girl is really attracted .... then surely she must approach him , because he may not always notice. so maybe I have been found attractive before, not noticed adn she was to shy to say anything..... ? I will never know.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

KILOBRAVO said:


> i have been told once or twice that some girl passed me and apparently the person I was with said... '' oh she just gave you the glad eye'' which meant that the girl found me attractive. and gave ma a lustful looking over.
> 
> BUT i did not notice them passing, . but the girl just walks past and says nothings. WTF is the point in that.? people are shy remember,. so both of us loses out/
> 
> if a girl is really attracted .... then surely she must approach him , because he may not always notice. so maybe I have been found attractive before, not noticed adn she was to shy to say anything..... ? I will never know.


I hear this a lot too, mostly at work. Seems like the risk of getting rejected or humiliated if you act on it and they didn't have any interest is too high if they aren't pretty clear.


----------



## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Mr Bacon said:


> I guess this is how girls flirt in Massachussetts:


yep that's it


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> It seems ridiculous that they'd be blind to it since most of the signs of interest girls show are the same as guys. Eye contact, subtle compliments, a teasing joke, *keeping a conversation going, asking questions about their lives, coming close to them*....all of these are the same things guys do when flirting with a girl. So it seems bizarre that they wouldn't notice. It actually seems like guys are expecting girls to be even more forward about their interest than guys themselves are in order to actually believe it.


The ones listed in before the bolded part might be more obvious to more guys. The part I bolded is what some girls do to show romantic interest- sometimes less than that though honestly- and a person could definitely not "get" that.

I have heard girls -maybe guys too- say that they try to be near the person more often and give him looks from "across the way" (when he is not looking in that direction) but that is the extent of their "flirting". Now I can see how a guy could not notice that even though those actions- to the girl- might seem totally obvious signs of showing interest.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

KILOBRAVO said:


> i have been told once or twice that some girl passed me and apparently the person I was with said... '' oh she just gave you the glad eye'' which meant that the girl found me attractive. and gave ma a lustful looking over.
> 
> BUT i did not notice them passing, . but the girl just walks past and says nothings. WTF is the point in that.? people are shy remember,. so both of us loses out/
> 
> if a girl is really attracted .... then surely she must approach him , because he may not always notice. so maybe I have been found attractive before, not noticed adn she was to shy to say anything..... ? I will never know.


A few years ago I was at a pharmacy with my mother getting a prescription. After we left my mother told me that a girl there kept looking over at me. I just never notice things like that. I would just say that she probably wasn't interested anyway. It was rare to get any attention anyway.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Darktower776 said:


> The ones listed in before the bolded part might be more obvious to more guys. The part I bolded is what some girls do to show romantic interest- sometimes less than that though honestly- and a person could definitely not "get" that.
> 
> I have heard girls -maybe guys too- say that they try to be near the person more often and give him looks from "across the way" (when he is not looking in that direction) but that is the extent of their "flirting". Now I can see how a guy could not notice that even though those actions- to the girl- might seem totally obvious signs of showing interest.


What else is there to do though? I would think that mimicking the way guys show interest should be a good way to express interest to guys.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Shameful said:


> What else is there to do though? I would think that mimicking the way guys show interest should be a good way to express interest to guys.


We've all been conditioned that no woman ever means yes and if we stare its rude.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

ravens said:


> A few years ago I was at a pharmacy with my mother getting a prescription. After we left my mother told me that a girl there kept looking over at me. I just never notice things like that. I would just say that she probably wasn't interested anyway. It was rare to get any attention anyway.


Plus what can you do with that info... If you just walk over and say something its very intrusive and she will probably get irritated.. nothing good really you can do in that situation without basically 100% flat out rejection or her admitting that she was interested which she probably wouldn't do when put on the spot like that.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

knightofdespair said:


> Plus what can you do with that info... If you just walk over and say something its very intrusive and she will probably get irritated.. nothing good really you can do in that situation without basically 100% flat out rejection or her admitting that she was interested which she probably wouldn't do when put on the spot like that.


That's a weird way to think. If a girl was looking at you repeatedly to get your attention and get you to come over, why would she then be irritated that you came over? She'd be happy that you're starting a conversation with her.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

knightofdespair said:


> Plus what can you do with that info... If you just walk over and say something its very intrusive and she will probably get irritated.. nothing good really you can do in that situation without basically 100% flat out rejection or her admitting that she was interested which she probably wouldn't do when put on the spot like that.


Yeah that's why I've never done that. I've felt that approaching like that I would get rejected anyway and would probably get irritated at being approached by a stranger.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Shameful said:


> Yeah those are things platonic friends do but they're also things that guys and girls hitting on each other do, and guys may misread it as friendliness but girls also misread guys as merely being friendly all the time too. My main point is, what does a girl have to do to make you realize she's interested? And the second point is, why don't guys start doing that too? I have an American view on this things though, and here things are subtle on both sides. It seems that you Australians may be quite a bit more forward from what Aussiepea was saying.


Well I guess it's all relative:

Meaning that what's more noticeable is when something is out of the ordinary. If a person normally does 'X' when just being friendly, but does 'X' plus 'Y' with one person they are interested in.......or even does exactly the same things (X) but does them to a much greater degree - _more_ watching/eye-contact, finding excuses to be around them/talk to them _more_ often, _more_ laughter/smiles etc...

^I may not be explaining it well, but basically it's a matter of _degree_. Also, repetition: if a guy notices something once, he can tell himself it's just a one off. If he notices it often he may recognise a pattern of behaviour.

Some things that even I (as clueless as I may be) noticed on the rare occasions when someone has been interested were:

1. Laughing at my inane attempts at humour, often a bit louder and more often than others.

2. Regularly watching me when they thought I couldn't tell they were looking.

3. Listening more intently than usual. You can almost see a person's ears prick up when someone they have a crush on starts talking. Concentration.

4. Touching. A hand lightly on a shoulder or back. Women may have a bit of an advantage here in that they could be less likely to been seen as creepy/potentially dangerous than a man might.

And yeah, Australia doesn't seem to have as much tradition/as rigid cultural roles as some other places....we have only been a nation for just over 100 years after all. Perhaps it is a little bit more egalitarian in some ways...I don't know. I don't have much to compare it to.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Shameful said:


> That's a weird way to think. If a girl was looking at you repeatedly to get your attention and get you to come over, why would she then be irritated that you came over? She'd be happy that you're starting a conversation with her.


Lol that's why it's a 3 page thread.. this is how men think or at least weird SA crippled men


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Shameful said:


> That's a weird way to think. If a girl was looking at you repeatedly to get your attention and get you to come over, why would she then be irritated that you came over? She'd be happy that you're starting a conversation with her.


Panhandlers also act like that and then they ask you for money or booze.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

ravens said:


> Yeah that's why I've never done that. I've felt that approaching like that I would get rejected anyway and would probably get irritated at being approached by a stranger.


WELL... if the person worked there you can always go back in...and see if they react the same way again .... and this time you can be prepared for it. See if they smile if you smile. survey their reaction in more detail ... be ready.

but the problem is if it was a member of the public..... you are never sure to see them again .

but if these girls keep saying nothing but do plenty looking, then no one gets anywhere.


----------



## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

I do, or use to..in a non aggressive friendly/flirty way. Didn't work. Guys don't like me, period. I make it easy to clue in that I want them, receptive and open. 
proves im ugly


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

KILOBRAVO said:


> WELL... if the person worked there you can always go back in...and see if they react the same way again .... and this time you can be prepared for it. See if they smile if you smile. survey their reaction in more detail ... be ready.
> 
> but the problem is if it was a member of the public..... you are never sure to see them again .
> 
> but if these girls keep saying nothing but do plenty looking, then no one gets anywhere.


She worked at the pharmacy but I never went back to the pharmacy. 
I would have to be told directly that a girl liked me, which has occurred very rarely.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

ravens said:


> She worked at the pharmacy but I never went back to the pharmacy.
> I would have to be told directly that a girl liked me, which has occurred very rarely.


why not have gone back and bought something like paracetamol..... somethign not needing prescription ... just as excuse to see if she was still in there.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

KILOBRAVO said:


> why not have gone back and bought something like paracetamol..... somethign not needing prescription ... just as excuse to see if she was still in there.


Well even if she was still there I just knew that I would have never approached her. Just thinking about doing that would almost cause a panic attack.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

oh I see.. I think that i'd be very shy, but I think i could talk eventually. but I;d need to be sure of interest from her first.


----------



## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Do girls ever like stare at you in class from across the room if they are interested in you?


----------



## tieffers (Jan 26, 2013)

No, I've never really shown interest in guys unless they show interest first. I think it has a lot to do with SA. But honestly, I've only ever really developed an attraction after a guy has initiated the contact and all. My anxiety makes it difficult to notice the world around me sometimes, so I don't pay people much heed unless they're making a real effort. I wish it wasn't so.

I think this is common with insecure girls as well. I know that I would never dare to act on an attraction I had unless I knew for sure the object of my affection returned my feelings, because I would otherwise assume my attraction wouldn't be appreciated or reciprocated at all.

I really feel for guys. There's still a lot of pressure on them to be the initiator. SA girls have it easier in that they can get by with being passive and reserved.

That's not to say it still isn't difficult. SA makes dating difficult for both genders, make no mistake.


----------



## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

tieffers said:


> No, I've never really shown interest in guys unless they show interest first. I think it has a lot to do with SA. But honestly, I've only ever really developed an attraction after a guy has initiated the contact and all. My anxiety makes it difficult to notice the world around me sometimes, so I don't pay people much heed unless they're making a real effort. I wish it wasn't so.
> 
> I think this is common with insecure girls as well. I know that I would never dare to act on an attraction I had unless I knew for sure the object of my affection returned my feelings, because I would otherwise assume my attraction wouldn't be appreciated or reciprocated at all.
> 
> ...


Was this a reply to my comment above?


----------



## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

i tend to try and respect others' boundaries and be unassuming. i don't really bother others' lives until they invite me.


----------



## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

I would never really show interest first unless I had a feeling deep down that they liked me as well. Online, it's easier to be more open with your feelings and such. But in real life, I would never take the initiative.


----------

