# Job situation help



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

(What would you do in this situation?)
So, as it stands, this year my mental health got way worse in terms of anxiety and depression. To the point of it being difficult to even drive to work. My workplace benefits arent so bad in that I get banking holidays off as well as paid time off days. It's really not bad now that I think about it. The thing is, I've asked my therapist to approve a medical leave for intermittent time off a total of 3 months, 1 day off a week and that is coming to an end. 
My PTO balance is also coming to an end and that was supposed to last me through December. 8 days left of PTO. 

Why am I worried? Well, it's because i havent worked a full week in so long of a time and the job itself is so horrible I'm not sure that I can do it. Yet I've been with the company for a long time. My therapist advises that I look for a part time gig yet it's been 3 or more years that I've even had to look for a new job so my skills are bascially ****, I feel anyway. If I were to stay at this job, I would be working non-stop from September to end of the year with no vacation days. If I were to just quit and start new, that's exactly what I'd be doing, starting new... I have no idea what to do. The banking holidays are a plus, yet the job sucks. I've managed to stay with the company for so long by hopping around and taking different positions, hoping to move up. I could have but it didnt quite happen that way.

I'm just not sure how to move on or what to do. By way of miracle, perhaps my psychiatrist could approve another type of leave in order for me to get better. Or.. I find the strength to work nonstop for months. I just need time and skills that I don't have.. and feel like a fish out of water in the job market.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Probably not a lot of easy answers. I just feel like i have no marketable skills. Ugh


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## CaptainPeanuts (Oct 29, 2015)

coeur_brise said:


> Probably not a lot of easy answers. I just feel like i have no marketable skills. Ugh


Find a job that will make your social anxiety easier. I myself work in a social role. It's not easy. I lasted a year. I'm going back to unloading trucks because I don't have to deal with customers. Thats what the majority of us here at SAS do, we find jobs that make our social lives easier. Because SA has ruined it for us. Anyways, I hope things work out for you. Hope you have a great day.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

You describe the job as 'horrible'. Paid leave and banking holidays are not that amazing a perk (in the UK it's a statutory requirement, I guess it's not in the US?). So here's what I'd do. If I can afford to, I'd quit now and look for a new job, I'd still need to work the notice period which I assume is a month or two? If I can't afford to quit, I'd remain in the job whilst looking for a new one.

I think "working your way up" was more of a thing in my parent's time. Most people I know get promoted by finding a new job at a higher position/salary point. Internal promotions often involve a lot of schmoozing and/or drama, and working in HR I saw many really good people waiting around for a promotion their whole lives whilst someone would just come in from an outside and get the position within a few months. It's not fair but it's very real.

Which is why growing your confidence is paramount. I've actually been told after one job interview: "you were really good and the only problem was that you were so anxious, if you'd been confident we would have hired you".

Some things that worked for me (and may or may not work for you):
1) You know those statistics on how women wait to fulfill the job requirements perfectly before applying whilst men just go, apply and see what happens? I started seeing qualification requirements in job descriptions as "marketing speak" and applied to a wider range of positions, even those I wasn't really qualified for.
2) I binned my suit and dressed more casually for job interviews, which made me feel more relaxed (and hopefully look less desperate?).
3) I accepted that most people lie on their CVs and since I have to compete with them, I will embellish if need be.
4) I learnt that a job lands just when I start to seriously despair of ever getting one.
5) First days in a new job always feel scary and it feels like I am so out of my depth but if I play it cool (and use the Internet search for what I don't know) I inevitably settle in. I've spoken to other people about this and it seems like it's common to start a job and think: "Oh no! I talked my way into this but I'm not actually qualified!".
6) For entry level positions, I would do one application per day. For higher level positions, I'd check the situation once per day and apply when necessary. The more applications you do, the better you get at handling rejection. And your confidence grows the more interviews you do.
7) If I worry whether my CV gets read, I call and tell them I have a query about the position before applying. It's a pretext for me to introduce myself and for them to remember me. I've tried this when my anxiety was really bad and couldn't do it but I started doing this later when my anxiety was lower.
8) Something that helps me feel more confident in interviews is to ask my interviewers questions. "How much overtime is there and is it paid or unpaid?", "What happened to the person who previously worked in this position?", "What kind of annual leave is offered?", etc. This gives an impression of a more equal power balance.
9) Look at the unqualified, inexperienced hacks that every company is full of! It's all a game, a show, a bit of theatre. I was taking all of it (interviews, job descriptions, company policies, etc.) way too seriously. Until I wasn't.

Edit: I need to add two more.

10) The job market is terrible. If you're throwing **** at the wall and nothing sticks it's not you, it's the job market. See #4.
11) Apply only for jobs with a higher salary and tell them how "you enjoy your work but feel that it's time to move forward". My partner taught me this. He said: "You didn't work all this time to just go elsewhere and do the same thing". You've earned a raise. Give yourself one.


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## Unforgiven17 (Apr 15, 2016)

Is going part time an option you have financially?


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Find a new job that isn't horrible.

Part of your problem is you've grown accustomed to working a shortened week. But push comes to shove, I bet you are in fact capable working 5 days. It's much more manageable if you do it somehwere that is decent place to work.


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## either/or (Apr 27, 2020)

Well there are at least 4 (maybe more) bank holidays from September to the end of the year (Labor day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's which is on 12/31 this year). So you have those days you can use. And maybe 1 or 2 sick days in addition to those that you could probably take. Say you have a cold or upset stomach or something. The suck month will be October because there are no holidays so maybe use a sick day there. So you can maybe average 1-2 days off per month which means a lot of those months you will only have to work like 2 full weeks.

I know how difficult it can be trying to work while suffering from severe anxiety and depression - I used to get so anxious in the morning that sometimes I would force myself to throw up to try and calm my system down. But it's only 4 months until you can start taking days off again, it might be worth it just to grit your teeth and bear it for now to stay in the job until you can find something better. Also, if I were you and thinking about leaving I'd probably try to get laid off of something so I could get unemployment for a while. There are ways you can get them to lay you off, i.e. just show up late, leave early, call out sick alot, don't finish projects, etc. Eventually they'll let you go.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Thanks everyone for your responses.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

@either/or I feel like that could work out if I could convince a healthcare professional to buy me some time. Thing is, its notoriously difficult to get laid off from my job, it's how they keep the slave wages going. I think I will try til the end of August to buy time, otherwise.. maybe unemployment for health reasons could qualify in my own state. Maybe.



Unforgiven17 said:


> Is going part time an option you have financially?


Yes, I can. It's just that the part time gigs I've seen are mostly service jobs like waitress/waiter or retail, both of which I'm really not confident that I can do. Or I can do them,just very poorly and in a mess of anxiety.

I think at this point, it boils down to confidence and how good I feel about finding another job. Its so much easier to stay in a miserable job than to move around. Feels like a paralysis of sorts esp struggling with anxiety/depression. Qlso thanks @rabidfoxes for thesuggestions. I wish I was so super confident in such things. I think one thing that helped way back when is not caring, because I had nothing to lose with zero skills and got the job. Only happened once though.

Other thoughts, i could try to go for a trade, it seems one of the few ways to go for now despite anything. Or quit and rejoin my crap company 6 months later (the rehire date after willfully quitting)..

Also unsure of what trade i could go into. I wonder how easy some jobs are versus others, like dental assistant. Been fascinated with teeth lately as a strange aside.


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