# Decided to tackle SA head on!!!



## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

I am going to do everything that I am embarassed about and that I am insecure about in public.

I am an actor and I have to reaaaaaly let go of being self conscious....

So I am going to keep a log and have exercises everyday and write in my journal...and I will keep you guys posted here as well.

Today I am going to tackle my Sun Paranoia. I made a post earlier that I use an Umbrella when it gets really hot. I don't mind using the umbrella since it cools me down and has some protection from the sun.

I am usually reaaaly self-conscious about using the umbrella, but then again I am paranoid about how much sun-protection I need.

Well first I am going to tackle my self consciousness and then when I am not afraid anymore, I will tackle my paranoia.

*Sunday: November 5*

I am going to get a shot of wheatgrass, and Will use my umbrella out in the sun!

(What do you guys usually use for motivation, when you have to tackle a SA exercise?)


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Nov 5: Well I accomplished my first goal.

It seems you can't edit posts here.


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## IndigoGirl (Aug 13, 2006)

Good luck. Self consciousness and critism are the main opponents of self confidence. Free your mind.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Good job, Moon37 :boogie :boogie :boogie!


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Thanks guys.

I started listening to this audio tape and it pretty much says your desires have to outweigh your fears.

Keep putting yourself out there.

It's about Building Self-Confidence.

*Nov 6:*

Went out with my umbrella again. It was 94 Degrees today in LA.

Was self-concious as I have to go to an audition for a student film....and there were mainly students around. I am sure I looked funny being the only one carrying an umbrella...but I want to keep battling this.

I also started doing an "OHM" chant in my apartment. I am sure people can hear me, but I really need to do this to build my vocals.

I have been doing it pretty consistently...and I am overcoming the self-consciousness.

Everytime I need to do something I am scared of, I read something inspirational...I usually google something like "overcoming your fears".

Thanks for listening guys.


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## crazyg (Jun 18, 2005)

That's great moon37! Keep it up. I also think that's really cool that you're persuing acting. I have a question for you. I have a friend that is also an actress, and has some social anxiety as well, but she said that it disappears when she's performing. Because she takes on a different role, she doesn't feel the same as she would normally. I've had a similar experience before (eg. wearing a costume and feeling different than usual). Do you feel this way? Just curious. Good luck with everything.


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## TomB (Nov 5, 2006)

What I use is a reliance on God so I enver have to go it alone, and just wanted to say way to go about confronting your fear, thats awesome.

Tom B


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

I think I should read more inspirational books. thanks for your insight. and thats cool you are proactive....i should also be too.....good luck with your goals

sincerely,

gerard


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

crazyg said:


> That's great moon37! Keep it up. I also think that's really cool that you're persuing acting. I have a question for you. I have a friend that is also an actress, and has some social anxiety as well, but she said that it disappears when she's performing. Because she takes on a different role, she doesn't feel the same as she would normally. I've had a similar experience before (eg. wearing a costume and feeling different than usual). Do you feel this way? Just curious. Good luck with everything.


It depends...Sometimes I am bombarded with thoughts about how I am performing...do they not like me...do they think I am a bad actor...etc etc.
What I have to learn it despite those thoughts to channel the anxious energy in performing and staying connected...

The hardest part is letting go on anxious thoughts and concentrating on the moment...

What i am trying to master is just that....be able to concentrate on something else while I am getting bombarded with the obessive thoughts...

Sometimes though, I get into the moment...and the thoughts will come but it won't affect me at all....and I can get back to my character quickly.. people think about me....That's been very rare recently...


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

We all know what we have to do to overcome SA....you know it...

And that's what I am trying to do....

I know for my audition tomorrow...to not care, I have to go upto strangers and read lines with them...

I have been listening to this audio tape by Brian Tracy.....and you have to constantly attack your fears...

So, I make a deal that I will read lines with at least 3 strangers! Because I know that will help me overcome my audition nerves...I need one more...and was about to quit...but I am going back out there....because I said three...and I am going to make this a do or die situation....

If I can read with strangers in public places, then reading in the audition room will be no problem...

It's rough...but I am using all of my will power...listening to tapes...reading motivational stuff and then attacking!

Alright, going back out there...!


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Well, I managed to snag the last person...and the funny thing is I just made a friend....

At first I was rejected by these people on the train...but I told myself I have to get the 3rd person...it's life or death...


So I went out to Hollywood and Highland...and after an hour I found these two women....I approached them and one of them was overlllly sweet....

I read with them and they gave me pointers for my audition...which is going t o take place today.


The funny thing is I spent around 4 hours with them talking....well they did most of the talking....One of the woman...has connections to an agent...and she is going to try to help me out...

The other woman, drove me home and we ended up talking for about 2 hours more in her car....


TURNS OUT SHE DEALT WITH HER SHARE OF OCD'S, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ISSUES!!! So just by taking a chance, I met someone who I made a great connection with....and now have a friend...I plan to keep in touch with her, as she seems really genuine...


Well now I am preping for my audition.....I feel the nerves building and self-consciousnesss but I am going to tackle it self-affirmations!


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

Good luck. I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment that your desires have to outway your fears. My therapist once suggested making lists of pros and cons (weighted). Have you ever read "Feel the fear and do it anyway?" That's about working through the fear.
I couldn't approach strangers, but there could be some cultural differences maybe. That's particularly brave.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

shy_chick said:


> Good luck. I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment that your desires have to outway your fears. My therapist once suggested making lists of pros and cons (weighted). Have you ever read "Feel the fear and do it anyway?" That's about working through the fear.
> I couldn't approach strangers, but there could be some cultural differences maybe. That's particularly brave.


Trust me I don't approach strangers either...! I forced myself to...There are things I don't want to be afraid and that's one of them...! But you have to constantly battle this thing...I mean when your home...listen to audit tapes...self-affirmations...till your soooo sick of it....that's when you know it's hitting your consciousness...

I heard of that book...and I am going to look into it.

One thing that hit me, when I was listening to my audio tape is...
Get out of your comfort zone....as much as you can.
To truly feel alive, get out of the comfort zone as much as you can...
Embrace that feeling and just keep moving forward...and then you will truly experience all there is to life.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Just came back from my audition a couple of hours ago...I had tons of anxiety...and I couldn't shake it off. I didn't eat the whole day...because my stomach has been feeling queasy....but I managed to eat a banana right before the auditon.

I went to the bathroom and tried releaxing there privately...

During the audition they asked me If I had questions...I tried to tell a story to ease the tension...but I was soo into my head and anxious that I was babbling things...lol...the guy had this look as if he's heard enough....

The we went to audition and I did ok....I was in and out of my character, since the nerves were getting to me...But I pulled it off...and I give myself a pat on the back.

Now I know I have to work on trusting myself that I memorized the lines...and I have to not care if I screw up the lines as well....I mean these people are just regular people....they are not special...I shouldn't care


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Well Today, I was feeling like crap from the anxiety I had. I barely ate the past two days...I tried playing some video games...but I died in a game and it was an hour worth on progress that I would have to repeat...so I decided that I would go to Starbucks and fill up my journals.

I saw a girl by herself and told myself that I would talk to her...so I thought about what I would say...and then came up with the perfect line of asking for a pen...well I did that...and she started going on about to make sure to give her the pen back...we started talking and turns out she's really nice....I have run into my share of mean people...but just by taking a chance...I am starting to meet really nice people....I just try to brush off the mean people, because you will meet nice people. 

I got her contact info and I am doing things I would have never done two weeks ago. I am pushing myself past my limits!

I am listening to this audio tape by Brian Tracy on Self-Confidence...and that has been helping.
I got some more audio tapes and I am going to bombard myself with them as much as I can.


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## shiznit (Nov 21, 2004)

Moon37, you are so good in terms of life. You will easily accomplish the things most important to you, which appears to be eliminating SA from your life. 
Defeating the irrational concept of social anxiety is just like a video game. You gotta keep playin till you understand the various manouvers required to do so. Know nothing concrete bout the game yur playin with Brian Tracy. I am sure its the best game yuv stood up to with intent to defeat. That defeat should and will help to define the real you. Congrats.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Hey Thanks a lot guys.

These past two days have been rouuuuugh! I was trying to do a relaxation exercise and then go into my childhood...and I had flashes of events, I had completely forgotten about.

Problem is I can't get details of what happened in those events...

But anyways I am not sure if doing this has cause a slight depresssion and crazy anxiousness.

Well I still did the umbrella thing...but the obsessive thoughts were hitting my like crazy...I feel like i moved back a step..but then I thought about it...and I am proud that I did what I set out to do...despite a very anxious day.

I still tried to smile at as many people as I can...and tried making eye contact.

The other thing I tackled was...I decided to go to a Jamba Juice and order my shot of wheat grass. The catch is I decided to eat a meal there as well , that I had in my toppleware. For some reason I feel really insecure about eating a home cooked meal in restaurants...

I was as welll...but I had told myself I would do it..and I did it...The anxious and nerves were there like crazy...I was drained out from the thoughts and passed out the during the day...

I woke up hazy and am still feeling depressed....so I decided to watch some anime (something that helps me) and talk to my friend about video games.


I think this whole childhood thing...could have triggered something...but I really need to attack it...since I know the anxiety is from my chilldhood.

I always had performance anxiety and felt I would be rejected...when I was around 10 or so...

So I need to go even deeper than that.

I am also carrying a journal with me...and writing down every thought I can...when anxiety hits...I am trying to do it as much as possible...

Cause honestly, there is soooo much to life...and when we feel like this...we can see it...but when i felt good the past couple of days...everything was feeling good...and I want that feeling again...and I just have to keep pushing myself....

I got a new book as well..It's in my bag..but I will get the name for you guys...


But I am going to keep updating this...hopefully to inspire you guys and myself...I have been really motivated..and am going to keep pushing myself...

I know my acting career will boost up from this as well...

I have a very vivid imagination and sensitivity, I just need to let go of the self-consciousness!


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

shiznit said:


> Moon37, you are so good in terms of life. You will easily accomplish the things most important to you, which appears to be eliminating SA from your life.
> Defeating the irrational concept of social anxiety is just like a video game. You gotta keep playin till you understand the various manouvers required to do so. Know nothing concrete bout the game yur playin with Brian Tracy. I am sure its the best game yuv stood up to with intent to defeat. That defeat should and will help to define the real you. Congrats.


Your so right man. It's all in your mind.

When I think people are laughing at me...I tell myself they are congratulating me for working so hard.

Why think the negatives, when you reallly don't know what they are thinking.

Have there been times, when you think someone is closed and cold, when actually they are the nicest person.

Well why not believe this about people...we are making a mistake...

And if they do say something....well it just shows taht they are not at your level...because the most confident and secure people...ALWAYS bring people up. They are understanding and can relate with a vareity of people.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Today I had anxiety dealing with getting ready for my audition. 

I am starting to write down all these little things with my in my book.

I always have this fear, that I am going to be late...Even if I have like 2 hours to get ready...It's more of an perfectionism OCD which I also suffer from.

Need to work on that.

I also get anxiety from when talking on the IM....i feel like I have to respond right away...or else they will leave the convo...and I don't know why but anxiety hits...its this whole being accepted by other people...on subconscious level...so I really need to free my inner child's fears.

Talking on the phone..same thing...I feel like I have to make convo as well. I tend to talk really fast...and always making jokes...I realized that, its cause of anxiety.

My audition went well....I didn't really have nerves at all...and I am happy about that. It was a commercial for anxiety and depression...so I felt natural..LOL.

I had anxiety using the umbrella again...I thought too much about it...will people think I am weird...is it hot enough to be using one? Will people think I am too feminine? Gay? (no offense guys)...weird?

but I used it anyway...and I will continue to until I am not scared anymore...then I will work on my sun paranoia.


Positive thing today: I saw this girl on a bus and wow...she was goregous in my eyes...my perfect type...I loved jaw structure...and I reallly wanted to talk to her...and I hate talking on the bus...since everyone hears your business...(This is one thing I am going to conquer)....

So I had this idea of writing a note...I was really hesitant...but then I went through with it...I mean I kept staring at her...and trying to be inconspicious..but she was wearing sunglasses as I was too...and I couldn't tell if she was looking at me when i was looking at her...

But in the note I wrote:


"I think your gorgeous (Don't mind my spelling).
My name is Jai. I don't like talking in buses, but I would love to talk to you.

My number is .......... if you want to talk...

I had to try"

I handed to her when i asked the bus driver for directions....and then she giggled at a part when she was reading it...then I didn't make eye contact with her for the rest of the ride... 

Then as I was leaving...I told her to have a nice day...I think she might have said something...but I had my headphones on....

I doubt she will call, since these percetanges are really low, lower than landing a part after an audition...but it was an opportunity...and you never know...It's a game of numbers!"

Now time to enter this stuff in my other journal...and breakdown things.

That's my day.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Nov 16...

Today was another rough day. I used my umbrealla again to get a shot of wheatgrass...extremelly self-conscious of the way I looked.

Something that I am using to help myself.

I tell myself that 90% of the people won't pay attention to me..and 10% will.

And those 10% just don't understand what I am doing.

So this has been helping a bit.


I tried something new today, and went to meet some actors to practice audition skills. First time I met everyone. More anxiety, but I kept repeating to myself that it's just my anixety disorder. 

Last thing I wanted to note was still trying to do relaxation exercises...and my body is really resisting...I get really anxious just trying to do deep relaxation or I get obsessions that I am going to fall asleep and hit my head..or I am going to miss a whole day...etc etc. I have an Obessive Disorder so that's kicking in...It all means my mind is resisting to opening up the traumatic experiences. I know they deal with my dad but most of childhood memories are very vague...

I know this is the key to unlock my social anxiety. 

Another habit I have is...when I am anxious...I tend to eat sugary foods...well for a week...I am going to stay away from these things....because It's masking the inner tension when I do relaxation exercises. I have to let this pain out...

And that's all for Today. I took a few naps...and am trying to be easier on myself.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Alright...Let see I have been dealing with some more anxiety the past couple of days...but I am continuing with my umbrealla thing till I am completely cured of it...It's been rough but I force myself no matter what.

Then I will move on to things that will bring more attention onto myself..and work on that.

I am doing relaxation exercises..and then battling my fears mentally...bring up my self confidence...by visualizations. I see myself walking with all this confidence...with my umbrealla...I tell myself that this is My life..and I deserve the most out of it...no one is going to take away anything from my life...I deserve the utmost best...and honestly so do you guys...We have one life...and we better make the best of it...I deserve the most beautiful girl (in my eyes) and the most sentimental...with a personality that complements mine..

I deserve the best..and I am not settling for anything less.

I deserve to be a huge movie star...because my talent lies in my imagination and my empathy and high levels of senstivity...

I understand there are people that want to bring me down..and I will accept it...

Most people don't judge us...and we have to reshape our way of thinking...until I get 100% Prove that someone doesn't like me...I will continue to think that they love me and adore me...and that they want me to succeed.

I am looking to get some hypnothearpy done as well...to relive my childhood...and to feed my subconscious mind.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Today is *Monday November 20, 2006*.

Alright. I continue to attack my Umbrella problem.

I am hesistant everyday...and the fears keep attacking me...but I know I have to keep doing it. Everyday I wake up, not wanting to wake up because I know what I have to face.

so today I woke up around 2pm....But I made sure I went out during sunlight and made sure I walked around with my umbrella.

I told my friend about what I am doing...and he told me to continue to do it...it's for you. Who cares what they think, because you have a purpose for doing it. And you know what you have to do.

So when I do it...i remind myself my purpose. I will defeat social anxiety.

I will have confidence to do anything I want. I have one life...and nothing is going to hold me back...

Well today I had a breakdown.....I started crying doing the dishes....I have been rejected sooo much these past two weeks...and I am trying my best...deep down I know...this is just a phase...but it sucks.

Let see: Threee weeks ago I had a meeting with a manager....she wanted to see a monologue. I practiced that monologue for hours everyday...I even got a private session with my acting coach. I was able to emotionally cry in front of her...something I have had never been able to do in front of anyone.

I even went upto friends...and practice in front of them to overcome my self-consciousness.

I did everything I could...So I went to perform for the manager...and I felt everything...I though I did a great job...but she never called.

The week after I had another audition...I busted my behind...I had crazy anxiety right before the audition...and the worst part was my character had to be confident....so I was getting all these self-conscious thoughts....I will forget my lines...do they not like me etc etc....I managed to pull it off...But I found that they didn't like something about my hair....It didn't fit the character....so I might not get this part.

I went on an audition last week...about depression....have not heard anything...

I went on one yesterday...I thought I did a good job....I was supposed to hear about it today...heard nothing....

Now with women...I have been extremely lonely out here....I am in LA....I have no friends...well no true friends....I moved out here on my own...I am truly on my own....

I have been trying to overcome my SA recently and trying to meet women...well this one that I really liked...and I thought we hit it off...I called her last night...left a message...and haven't heard anything yet..

I know I should wait a while...but i can just feel it...I know how my life works..and when I think about something too much...or want it too badly....when it comes to women...It never works out...lol.

I have met a few girls but nothing ever comes out of it...

But It's a game of numbers and I just have to keep telling myself that...maybe god thinks these women are not the right one for me....there are soo many ways to think about it....so might as well go the positive route....

The worst part is I have been out in LA for over 6 months now...bymyself...and my so called go friends from NYC don't call....

You start to realize who your true friends are when you live far away from them...

Everyone is sooo busy doing their own thing....A couple of people whom I expected who call more often....barely call....It's hurts...but I guess it's a good lesson.

It makes me appreciate my mom, sooo much who constantly calls me to check up on me. It has deepened my love for her.

That's my breakdown for today....I keep reminding myself my goal...and I will get there....I will make tons of money for my mom and dad as well. Since they worked hard.

It's like you prepare as much as you can for the journey knowing its going to be a tough road...but then when your there, you really get to feel how hard it is...there is nothing you can do but just go through the pain...because the next day will be a bit better.


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## phantomsolstice (Aug 29, 2005)

Hey. Just wanted to congratulate you on the effort and progress you've made. I wondered what other self affirmation / positive thinking tapes you were listening to, and if any of these are available online or free to the public?

Thank you for you time.


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## shiznit (Nov 21, 2004)

moon37 said:


> It's all in your mind. You reallly don't know what they are thinking.


This is why I replied as I did. Most peeps dont seem and/or want to get that concept. Sorry I dont get back to you sooner. I dont come hear often.

Really glad to see your continued posts. You are an excellent example of long term success for an SA'er. To be frank, you dont deserve the label of SA. At least not anymore. For most, SA is a label put on humans as a source of comfort. You know whats best for you. Your heart is striving to fight the daily challenges required to reach your potential. You are truly kicking for life.

Youre going to have many failures in the process of growth, but thats really where you learn the most about yourself and about life. Failures are not failures. They are to be percieved as an excellent tool to never make the same mistake again and ultimately a tool for long term success in life. You see that.

In a nutshell, you see the positive in every experience in your life, no matter what. Thats why I said youre good to go, cuz you are. Simple. Keep me updated.


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## angiebgood (Nov 29, 2006)

Hello Moon37,

I have been reading all of your posts and the one constant is the umbrella. Maybe the reason you cant get past this is because the umbrella is your cover your shelter. You may tell yourself it is for sun protection to give yourself the reasoning you need to keep this safe protective cover over yourself. I may be reading to into that to deep but that is what comes to my mind when I read the posts. I had severe panic attacks for 7 years and I'll tell you what got me over them. You can try it when you start to get anxious in any situation. When you start to get that feeling tell yourself you want to feel it stronger don't fight it the longer you fight the feelings of anxiety and panic the worse they get and the longer they last. Just keep telling yourself you want to feel it stronger and stronger. This is hard at first as anyone who has experienced anxiety or panic knows the terror that it can give. When you are really feeling the anxiety just let yourself experience the feeling if your heart is pounding let it pound if your chest is tight tell yourself you want it to be tighter. Let yourself feel it. After you do this a few times you start to realize its harder and harder to make yourself feel this way. After a while you cant do it anymore. once you are nolonger afraid of the feeling of fear, it cant control you. I spent 7 years afraid to eat in restaurants, go to the supermarket prety much anything that meant having to interact with other people. now I realize I was never really afraid to do any of that, all I was ever afraid of was the fear. I wasted 7 years fearing nothing but fear. This is what worked for me so I thought I would share it with you. I wish you the very best!


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