# The singles club



## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Hi y'all 

I've seen lots of threads made by single people about their dating frustrations. Not being able to find someone, unreciprocated love, confusion, loneliness. So I thought I'd make a thread where we could all post about our adventures. 

I got the idea for this thread because a few years ago, I made one called the "Unemployment club," where I (along with several others) posted about our efforts to find a job. And, guess what - I ended up finding a job. 

If you're tired about being single, and want to do something about it, post your progress here. Whether you approached someone new today, contacted an old acquaintance, or messaged someone online - share it! I'm hoping a thread like this could help us stay positive as well as be a place where we could motive each other 

So let's go! Tell us about what happened to you on the dating front today.


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## haebangja (Jun 16, 2012)

Wish I had something to contribute, but it's a nice thought! Your new job a motivational speaker? very inspiring and cheery =]


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

Oh..well I'm a single and not gripey about it. My adventures are usually me rummaging around the city and having weird things happen that I can later laugh about. But I see your thread is about trying to change the single status. I'm not looking to do that but still HAPPY AND WISHING POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR ALLLLLLL. 
cheers.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

in desperation i've been misleading women by sending them a fake picture of me 










THATS NOT THE REAL ME!!! :'(


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

haebangja said:


> Your new job a motivational speaker? very inspiring and cheery =]


:b


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

I'm single. But I'd like to share something that I'm extremely frustrated about and I wish would just be over for me. I was in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half or so. I knew the guy for over a decade and I now I know why we never dated before. I loved this guy unconditionally and I did everthing for him. He never came to see me (I was living at home at the time, no room at my house), but hotels were rather cheap and he was living at home, too. He barely paid for anything when I came out and I would end up paying for everything after I just purchased a $300 some dollar plane ticket. And I don't mean to sound like I'm angry about the money, it's not that, it's the effort he never made for me. He found money and time to do things for himself, but for me, it never seemed worth it. I came to his hometown on his birthday to go to a convention with him and to make him happy. But he left me there, alone, and for a few hours with no answer on when he was returning. And when I tried to voice how I felt, he got upset with me and told me I shouldn't cause drama. I think I was mad for a reason because the reason he left me (this was the first time I saw him in 5 months) was probably the dumbest ever. He wouldn't call me for weeks and didn't really ever want to be serious about anything or think about things long term. There was much more involved in this, I'm just trying to give a synopsis. Basically, I felt neglected and tired of doing all of the work with nothing returned to me. 
He didn't want the same things I wanted. Like children. I will be forever miserable if I do not have children. That's something I want in my life. He never wanted to reach out to me and do anything for me (I really don't expect a lot). I started realizing that this is not a relationship if I was the only one putting in the effort. I broke up with him and it seemed as if he didn't hear me when I told him. It's been almost a year already since I did that and voiced out my concerns. There were never any changes so I tried moving on and stopping contact. I haven't spoken to him on the phone in months. He somehow believes we're still together. It was so difficult for me to do this all again so I've been putting it off. I love him but I know deep down inside we're not right. I want a healthy relationship and this wasn't a healthy at all. It was one sided and I deserve better. I think I do, I hope I do...

I need to release this because I'm getting too much anxiety from this. 

I've gone on dates and I've seen other people. I didn't want to limit myself from those options. I still have pangs in my heart because of him and having contact with him I'm realizing is making it more difficult. There is so much confusion because at times I start thinking that I can't live without him. And then I start thinking of how nice it would be with someone who gives me as much as I'm giving them in a healthy way. Someone who communicates with me and appreciates me for me. 

When I did go on one of my dates this year, I really found myself liking the guy. A lot. We went out a few times and then I'm not sure what exactly happened. He was the first guy I felt a connection with since my long distance relationship. He added me on Facebook, that's what happened. But I was very sad when we never got together. I felt happy with him for the first time in the longest time. He made me smile, laugh, and gave me the butterflies I thought died a long time ago. 

I want to be happy. I just don't know how to let go completely of the person I was long distance with.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

^Yeah, letting go of people is hard. I've heard that the best way to forget about someone is to find someone new. But finding that someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach is not easy 

What happened with that second guy (if you don't mind my asking)? It sounds like you liked him. Was this something recent?


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Oh it's so lovely. Temporarily falling in love with girls I'll never be able to talk to on public transport just swell.


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

Yes, it definitely is difficult to let go. And I agree, those butterflies are so tough to find again! Yep, I did really like the second guy a lot. After our amazing second date, he wanted to take me out on a third but when it was close to that he wasn't feeling well. We planned to reschedule. We kept in touch and then tried for the third time but he asked to reschedule the night of the third date. He never did reschedule again. I'm not actually sure why we never went out again. He seemed to really like me, too. Him and I had so much in common and we really connected. I was thinking he could have met someone else or he wasn't interested anymore. 




veron said:


> ^Yeah, letting go of people is hard. I've heard that the best way to forget about someone is to find someone new. But finding that someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach is not easy
> 
> What happened with that second guy (if you don't mind my asking)? It sounds like you liked him. Was this something recent?


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

And with the second guy it was just a few months ago, sorry I meant to put that in my last post 



veron said:


> ^Yeah, letting go of people is hard. I've heard that the best way to forget about someone is to find someone new. But finding that someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach is not easy
> 
> What happened with that second guy (if you don't mind my asking)? It sounds like you liked him. Was this something recent?


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## LeftyFretz (Feb 12, 2011)

Had an argument with the girl I was seeing a few days ago and it pretty much ended with both of us deleting each others contacts and on facebook along with the classic "I never want to speak with you again" blah blah blah. Granted this already happened once after getting called a typical jerk because I told her I was going to start looking for apartments in new york and that's not where she was. 

Been a few days and I don't really miss her. 

There's this girl at work that I was friends with (though we still fooled around and what not) that I considered a cuddle buddy, and wanted nothing long term. We've been close for the past 6 months. LIke, really close. We haven't done much in the past few weeks and I've been thinking about her a lot lately, granted I treat her like absolute garbage most of the time. She's going on dates with another dude right now but whatever, I don't want a relationship with someone at work. But at the same time I might kick myself if I don't start pursuing more. 


With all that, met a girl who came to America from Peru a few months ago the other day, got her number and she found me on facebook pretty quick. ......We'll see. 


Yay contribution!

Callalily26 or whatever, everyone on the planet has been there. You will move on, guarantee it.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I'm happier without the endless drama of a relationship. Srsly, career > relationship for me, or perhaps I just never found the right person thus far and they generally don't suck so much.


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

That's great about the girl from Peru you met. Good luck with that! And I agree, I'll move on. Thanks.



LeftyFretz said:


> Had an argument with the girl I was seeing a few days ago and it pretty much ended with both of us deleting each others contacts and on facebook along with the classic "I never want to speak with you again" blah blah blah. Granted this already happened once after getting called a typical jerk because I told her I was going to start looking for apartments in new york and that's not where she was.
> 
> Been a few days and I don't really miss her.
> 
> ...


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

You can do it, Calla.


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

Thank you, I think I can too 



srschirm said:


> You can do it, Calla.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

BobbyByThePound said:


> in desperation i've been misleading women by sending them a fake picture of me
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LOL!


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i'm single. it doesn't really bother me _too_ much. in january i broke up with my bf of 6 years. i love him, he's still my best friend, but it was a dead-end relationship and i was unhappy. being single is so much better. i'm texting and chatting with a few cute lads, and not letting the fact that i'm single get me down.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Nice thread 

Well Im not doing anything at the moment because I cant see what I can do at this point. But yeh not enjoying being single at all. After the first time I asked someone out (last year of school) there just seems to be something missing :? Plus im getting more and more worried as time goas by.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Droidsteel said:


> Plus im getting more and more worried as time goas by.


Yeah, me too. I never really cared much about being single, until I realized that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone. And that's a sad thought.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Nice thread, good to see positive things being posted 

I'm trying to get myself into a stable financial and career situation before I make a true attempt at dating. I can't decide if I'm using said situation as an excuse - does it matter much to women at this point? - or if I need some stability in my life before I can start a relationship.

I feel a lot better about myself these days, though, and that has to count for something. I'm beginning to accept all my faults, and realizing that I have redeeming qualities too. Whenever the right time comes, I think I'll be ready this time.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

Tangerine said:


> Oh..well I'm a single


:tiptoe:tiptoe:tiptoe:tiptoe:tiptoe


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

blue the puppy said:


> i'm single. it doesn't really bother me _too_ much. in january i broke up with my bf of 6 years. i love him, he's still my best friend, but it was a dead-end relationship and i was unhappy. being single is so much better. i'm texting and chatting with a few cute lads, and not letting the fact that i'm single get me down.


I have always been single, so I don't know anything about this relationship jazz. At this point, any relationship would probably cramp my style. I would rather have friends right now, anyway.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> cramp my style.


well...come to think of it...you do have some SWAG.
SASsy indeed.


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## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

I like being single, but I hate being lonely. It's nice to have that freedom even if I've yet to have the chance to use it. I'm on all the dating sites and getting nowhere and I chat to girls on forums (more than I used to which is good) and although I make some friends that's about as far as it goes. I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and looking until I find someone.


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## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

Talk specifically to American girls, we love accents  You'll find a girl then! 


talisman said:


> I like being single, but I hate being lonely. It's nice to have that freedom even if I've yet to have the chance to use it. I'm on all the dating sites and getting nowhere and I chat to girls on forums (more than I used to which is good) and although I make some friends that's about as far as it goes. I guess I'll just have to keep waiting and looking until I find someone.


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## Elixir (Jun 19, 2012)

I've never had a boyfriend but tbh, I don't care much about it *most of the time. *But sometimesI _do_ think about it and wonder if I'm destined to remain single all my life.

Besides having depression and social anxiety, I also have major trust issues so it is gonna be rather difficult for me to find a boyfriend.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't care about having a boyfriend now..hey but if some miracle happens then maybe I'll be into it. But for now no way. I just don't think I'm fit enough for a relationship. I'm always worried about them leaving or something bad happens orrrr they just won't like me enough. Meh who cares...it seems like everyone is in a relationship these days.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

veron said:


> Yeah, me too. I never really cared much about being single, until I realized that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone. And that's a sad thought.


Dont be so sure as to say it will never happen.

You never know :squeeze


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## GuyMontag (Dec 12, 2010)

I've never had a girlfriend, but I've never put much effort into finding one.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

identitycrisis said:


> I'm trying to get myself into a stable financial and career situation before I make a true attempt at dating. I can't decide if I'm using said situation as an excuse - does it matter much to women at this point? - or if I need some stability in my life before I can start a relationship.


I don't think you should wait. I've heard somewhere that people shouldn't put off dating until they reach certain goals (like finding a job, losing weight, etc.) - that it's best to find someone who will like them the way they are, right now.



Droidsteel said:


> Dont be so sure as to say it will never happen.
> 
> You never know :squeeze


Well, let's say it won't happen unless I change my ways, lol.

Hmm, I have this female friend who's single as well. I've been thinking of suggesting we go out or something, but not really sure where? Where can two single girls go out to meet guys?

I don't really like the idea of going clubbing (I can't dance with people around), and I don't drink. Another problem is that she said she's afraid of being approached by males. She's worried they'll be obnoxious or rude to her. So it might take some convincing on my part to get her out.

Also, when I think about the kind of partner I'd like to have, I don't think I would find him in that kind of social environment. He's probably some quiet, introspective type who reads on Friday nights. Where do I meet people like that? :sigh


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I've always been single, and aside from occasional sexual frustration, I'm happy this way. I have friends, I have a social life, I have a family, and I have a lot going for me other than a relationship.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

veron said:


> Hmm, I have this female friend who's single as well. I've been thinking of suggesting we go out or something, but not really sure where? Where can two single girls go out to meet guys?
> 
> I don't really like the idea of going clubbing (I can't dance with people around), and I don't drink. Another problem is that she said she's afraid of being approached by males. She's worried they'll be obnoxious or rude to her. So it might take some convincing on my part to get her out.
> 
> Also, when I think about the kind of partner I'd like to have, I don't think I would find him in that kind of social environment. He's probably some quiet, introspective type who reads on Friday nights. Where do I meet people like that? :sigh


If your preference is really for that type, congratulations: you're starting off with great position in the dating game. I say that because guys who stay home reading or nerding out Friday nights are hardly sought after, so the competition is minimal and we're often desperate. Not that desperation is a good thing, but it can certainly work to your advantage in moderate doses.

Are you attending college/university? If so, there have to be plenty of guys exactly like you described. They may not approach you because they don't feel their chances are high enough to justify it, but I'm sure that by making small efforts to signal yourself as available and interested you can change that.

If you're not in school, it could be tougher. Since I myself am still in school, I may not be of much help, as I don't know where I'd most likely be found publicly if I were just working a 9-5 job. I guess you have the standard cliche answers like libraries, bookstores, coffee shops, etc. Only trouble is that approaching partners is less explicitly encouraged in those environments, compared with bars and clubs. That's one of the curses of being an introvert: the places we're comfortable are also places where it's less socially-acceptable to hunt down a partner.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

veron said:


> I don't think you should wait. I've heard somewhere that people shouldn't put off dating until they reach certain goals (like finding a job, losing weight, etc.) - that it's best to find someone who will like them the way they are, right now.


A fair point. It might need to wait until I can _afford_ to date though. _And_ afford a new car - mine got stolen a week ago 



veron said:


> Also, when I think about the kind of partner I'd like to have, I don't think I would find him in that kind of social environment. He's probably some quiet, introspective type who reads on Friday nights. Where do I meet people like that? :sigh


I've got the same problem, I'm not interested in the kind of girl who goes to clubs and bars  anomalus has some good ideas, if guys see you as approachable they may try to talk to you at a coffee shop or such.

You might have to think outside the box a bit too. For example: you might not drink, but what about karaoke night at a bar? Most of the people are drunk, so it doesn't matter if you're good or not, it wouldn't feel too awkward if you can convince your friend to go with you, and you may hit it off with a guy who's there not drinking, too.

Getting involved in more social activities can work too. Just off the top of my head, join a martial arts club or a swing dance club. Bonus if you can convince your friend to come, it's easier to go to those things the first time if you're not alone.

Those are just random ideas, but maybe you can come up with something that suits your and your friend's interests?


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

A hot female tried to talk to me at the gym the other day, but I didn't know what to say-lol


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Thanks for the tips and suggestions, guys.

I'm not in school anymore, so yeah... The city I live in is fairly tiny, and the number of extracurricular activities and clubs is limited, it seems. I'm actually trying to move back to my home city, which is bigger, busier, and I'm hoping will give me more opportunities (not just regarding guys, but life in general).

A couple of you have mentioned coming across as approachable. What does that mean, exactly? What characteristics make someone look approachable, as opposed to giving off a "don't look at me" vibe?



identitycrisis said:


> A fair point. It might need to wait until I can _afford_ to date though. _And_ afford a new car - mine got stolen a week ago


Oh no!


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

veron said:


> A couple of you have mentioned coming across as approachable. What does that mean, exactly? What characteristics make someone look approachable, as opposed to giving off a "don't look at me" vibe?


Posture is a big one, though it's a little more subtle. If you're huddled down or slouched over, I doubt people are going to want to approach you as much as if you look upright (seems more confident as opposed to depressed).

Facial expression is a pretty obvious one, smile  It takes a conscious thought for some people (like myself) whose neutral face looks a little angry or ticked off.

I think what you're doing currently has a little to do with it too. For example, if you're reading a book at a coffee shop, I'd be more likely to approach you if you're reading a magazine or a novel as opposed to a quantum physics textbook. Having something relatable gives the approacher fuel to start a conversation.

Those are just some examples I personally would look for, in addition to the really obvious ones (like hygiene, etc).


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

^Thanks for the tips 

Well, my friend and I seem to be utterly hopeless at dating. We both seem to want what we can't have. She's almost exclusively attracted to Japanese guys, and I have a thing for Australians (as well as guys of some other nationalities). The local Serbian boys just don't interest us. I wonder whether this males-of-other-nations thing is a true attraction, or just a matter of the grass being greener on the other side, ie. wanting what you can't have. Hmm.

She's exchanging emails with some Japanese guy living overseas, and seems thrilled. I'm happy that she found someone interesting, but at the same time, worried that she'll just end up getting hurt. This sort of long distance thing can't end well. And as for me, today I noticed that some American guy living in my city visited my online dating profile. Well, the last time I tried dating a foreigner, I ended up getting hurt because he picked up his bags and left for the other side of the world - his home country. You would think that would teach me a lesson. But no.

So I visited his profile as well. He said he travels a lot and never stays put in one place for long. Instead of me running in the opposite direction, I _messaged him_. He replied. So here we go again...


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## Downwiththesickness (Nov 13, 2010)

I have been single for so long i forget that its not the only way to be. When I do like a guy i find it depressing because I know nothing will happen, and I find it impossible to show any interest in anyone - im purely platonic all the time which i find frustrating in a way. For some reason I think it would be the worst thing ever for someone to think i may like them...


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

There have been people I liked that I watched get hitched to other men because I said nothing... and then there were those I scared off by saying something...

I know this is in jest:









But even if that was just 'Volume 1/5", I'd still read it to better my odds...

I just wish there was a manual for these sort of things... I probably would be sitting with the one I care for instead of wondering why she won't respond to any messages I send her...


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

veron said:


> ^Thanks for the tips
> 
> Well, my friend and I seem to be utterly hopeless at dating. We both seem to want what we can't have. She's almost exclusively attracted to Japanese guys, and I have a thing for Australians (as well as guys of some other nationalities). The local Serbian boys just don't interest us. I wonder whether this males-of-other-nations thing is a true attraction, or just a matter of the grass being greener on the other side, ie. wanting what you can't have. Hmm.
> 
> ...


Is there any particular reason the "local boys don't interest you?" Is it their culture, or their appearance, or something less tangible? It seems odd to me that a whole nationality would be so unlikely to contain guys that match you in terms of personality and even appearance.

To be honest, it almost sounds like you really are subconsciously lusting after what you can't have, which can't be healthy. I don't want to be rude, but it seems to me that if you're passing over local, available men who would seem on paper to be a good match in favor of some exotic foreigner passing through for a few months, you probably ought to reevaluate your priorities before even thinking about dating. That mindset only hurts yourself _and_ local men who probably would be wiling to date you.


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## Xarin (Sep 22, 2011)

Awkward friend-ish guy messages me on Facebook.
He can't hold a conversation.
He makes it obvious he likes me.
I get sick to my stomach.
Block him.

Roll on snare drums. 
Moving forward by mucking up the direction behind me is progress, right?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Xarin said:


> Awkward friend-ish guy messages me on Facebook.
> He can't hold a conversation.
> He makes it obvious he likes me.
> I get sick to my stomach.
> ...


What does that even mean?


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## Lesprit descalier (Jun 20, 2012)

Xarin said:


> Awkward friend-ish guy messages me on Facebook.
> He can't hold a conversation.
> He makes it obvious he likes me.
> I get sick to my stomach.
> ...


Why did you get sick to your stomach? Because he liked you and was awkward?...

If an awkward friend-ish guy were to ever message me on facebook, I would be beyond appreciative, even if he can't 'hold a conversation'... who can, anyway?

If you blocked him because of your anxiety and nervousness about the situation, I understand. But if it's because you don't like him, that's not very nice. I wouldn't understand how that is progress. If I gathered up the courage to message someone I liked, it would really make me feel horrible if they were to block me. Imagine if someone did that to you...


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Lesprit descalier said:


> Why did you get sick to your stomach? Because he liked you and was awkward?...
> 
> If an awkward friend-ish guy were to ever message me on facebook, I would be beyond appreciative, even if he can't 'hold a conversation'... who can, anyway?
> 
> If I gathered up the courage to message someone I liked, it would really make me feel horrible if they were to block me. Imagine if someone did that to you...


I totally agree.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

im totally smitten with this guy .. its driving me mad .. we text a lot but dont know if he feels the same way i do .. plus he's far away so no meeting in person, at least not in the foreseeable future .. but god its all i can think about. i cant remember the last time i had a crush like this.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

blue the puppy said:


> im totally smitten with this guy .. its driving me mad .. we text a lot but dont know if he feels the same way i do .. plus he's far away so no meeting in person, at least not in the foreseeable future .. but god its all i can think about. i cant remember the last time i had a crush like this.


I'm happy for you....I want that feeling again.


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## Legacy (Jun 27, 2012)

Hey. Im 21, iv never had a GF or been on a date. At the end of last year i (sort of) met this absolutely gorgeous girl. I had no idea she was interested in me until one of my friends told me. Now i have never been on a date before nor have I been one on one with a girl so in the spur of the moment i decided to ask her to take a walk up our local foothills with my dog (as corny as it may sound). We went up a just chilled out for a few hours talking about all sorts of stuff. I found it really hard to talk to her but i definitely managed pretty well, and at the end of our (date?) she text me saying how she thought i was a really cool dude. Thing is that was the first and last time i ever really saw her again. I have no idea why it fizzled out to nothing...Maybe because i didnt kiss her at the end?? I didn't want to anything major seeing it was my first one on one with a girl and wanted to take it slowly. Should i have kissed her to show interest or what? I guess i just take this as a learning experience...


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Downwiththesickness said:


> For some reason I think it would be the worst thing ever for someone to think i may like them...


I know that feeling all too well :blank



LorenLuke said:


> I just wish there was a manual for these sort of things... I probably would be sitting with the one I care for instead of wondering why she won't respond to any messages I send her...


Well, there might not be a manual, but you do have SAS at your disposure 



anomalous said:


> Is there any particular reason the "local boys don't interest you?" Is it their culture, or their appearance, or something less tangible? It seems odd to me that a whole nationality would be so unlikely to contain guys that match you in terms of personality and even appearance.


I appreciate your input. Yeah, there are plenty of reasons why I don't like local guys... there are exceptions to the rules, but in the rare case I come across one, he's already taken, or not interested, etc. And there are other complications. As I said, I'm a pretty hopeless case.



Legacy said:


> I have no idea why it fizzled out to nothing...Maybe because i didnt kiss her at the end?? I didn't want to anything major seeing it was my first one on one with a girl and wanted to take it slowly. Should i have kissed her to show interest or what?


I don't think so...

Is there any way for you to get back in touch with that girl?

Anyway, my happenings of the day (well, yesterday now): I went to a college campus to put up an ad for books I'm selling. As I sat on a bench to take out my tape and scissors, some college boy sat next to me and started talking to me. It was obvious that he was kind of flirting with me, lol. It's very rare that a guy approaches me in public like that. It made me feel like I'm somewhat attractive.

The American guy is still sending me messages, so I guess he's still interested, for the time being. We'll see how it goes.


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## Legacy (Jun 27, 2012)

I don't think so... 

Is there any way for you to get back in touch with that girl?


Nah she has a BF now, hah. And lives about 800km from me..


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Xarin said:


> Awkward friend-ish guy messages me on Facebook.
> He can't hold a conversation.
> He makes it obvious he likes me.
> I get sick to my stomach.
> ...


LOL Ive been that arkward guy sooo many times :teeth

Sick in the stomach eh? Can you clarify what emotion that might be? Im always interested to know what it is like for the girl who is pursued by someone she isn't interested in.



Lesprit descalier said:


> Why did you get sick to your stomach? Because he liked you and was awkward?...
> 
> If an awkward friend-ish guy were to ever message me on facebook, I would be beyond appreciative, even if he can't 'hold a conversation'... who can, anyway?
> 
> If you blocked him because of your anxiety and nervousness about the situation, I understand. *But if it's because you don't like him, that's not very nice.* I wouldn't understand how that is progress. If I gathered up the courage to message someone I liked, it would really make me feel horrible if they were to block me. Imagine if someone did that to you...


Disagree. Its not very thoughtful, but its kinda an awkward situation to be in when you think about it, you would just want to get away from the whole thing if it was you right?


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Well, nothing happened with the American guy. He told me that he intended to stay here only a month. He generally stays only a handful of months at any given place anyhow... how does he expect to sustain some sort of meaningful relationship like that?

Anyhow, we exchanged a few messages. He told me that he'd be willing to meet up. I didn't comment on that (as I didn't want to meet him). However, his lifestyle had piqued my interest and I wouldn't have minded corresponding with him. But his messages were somewhat curt, and almost business like. I stopped writing to him 3 days ago, thinking I might be a nuisance. When I logged in today, I noticed that he deleted his account. Huh? He had actually put quite a bit of effort into it; he had a lengthy profile, added lots of photos, etc. I couldn't believe he deleted everything. I'm wodering whether I had anything to do with that :?

Still no luck with the local boys... offline or online.


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

veron said:


> LorenLuke said:
> 
> 
> > I just wish there was a manual for these sort of things... I probably would be sitting with the one I care for instead of wondering why she won't respond to any messages I send her...
> ...


Pray tell, then... what do you suggest?


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

veron said:


> Well, nothing happened with the American guy. He told me that he intended to stay here only a month. He generally stays only a handful of months at any given place anyhow... how does he expect to sustain some sort of meaningful relationship like that?
> 
> Anyhow, we exchanged a few messages. He told me that he'd be willing to meet up. I didn't comment on that (as I didn't want to meet him). However, his lifestyle had piqued my interest and I wouldn't have minded corresponding with him. But his messages were somewhat curt, and almost business like. I stopped writing to him 3 days ago, thinking I might be a nuisance. When I logged in today, I noticed that he deleted his account. Huh? He had actually put quite a bit of effort into it; he had a lengthy profile, added lots of photos, etc. I couldn't believe he deleted everything. I'm wodering whether I had anything to do with that :?
> 
> Still no luck with the local boys... offline or online.


Sorry about the American guy. Can I ask what country you live in?


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

LorenLuke said:


> Pray tell, then... what do you suggest?


Regarding what? lol



identitycrisis said:


> Sorry about the American guy. Can I ask what country you live in?


No need to be sorry; there was no future for us two anyway. I live in Serbia.


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

veron said:


> Regarding what? lol


Understanding women... I've heard even women don't understand women....


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

I've been single my whole life. There was one time in college when I was hanging out with this girl and I thought things were going well, until I kissed her for the first time. She said I was an awful kisser and then stopped talking to me and hanging out with other guys. Whatever little bits of confidence with women I had before that have been completely obliterated since then and I haven't even really cared enough to try the last few years. Guess I'll be a member of this thread for quite a while!!


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

I'm going to a wedding on Sat. My cousin informs me a friend of hers in all into me and has been checking my facebook and she'll be there.

I dunno. We'll see. I don't know what she looks like and I ain't in the market for a date. Hope she has a room booked at the hotel lol


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Single people are lovely. LOL. This is my first post in the Relationships section. But yea, great thread.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

MrQuiet76 said:


> She said I was an awful kisser and


what the hell? 
she should have showed you how to be a better kisser then.

im sorry you went through that.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

blue the puppy said:


> what the hell?
> she should have showed you how to be a better kisser then.
> 
> im sorry you went through that.


Yeah I don't really know how I'm ever gonna get the confidence to try again. Everytime I even think about possibly kissing another girl my SA flares up out of control


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

meh.
dont think crush likes me back.
he never texts me anymore unless i text first, and he's not really flirty or anything in texts anymore.
got my hopes up too quickly.
i'm sad.


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I talk to a girl who works at the local gas station up the steet from my house. She liked my shirt. I think that is progress for me. An I looked her in the eye.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

blue the puppy said:


> meh.
> dont think crush likes me back.
> he never texts me anymore unless i text first, and he's not really flirty or anything in texts anymore.
> got my hopes up too quickly.
> i'm sad.


The unrequited crush is hard, I'm really sorry.

To help with your recovery, red panda cubs:


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

So ronery, oh so ronery... where is my rove...


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> The unrequited crush is hard, I'm really sorry.
> 
> To help with your recovery, red panda cubs:


its really, really hard. i guess i didnt realize how obsessed (for lack of a better word) i was getting. but the panda cubs are adorable :clap


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

I HATE being single. I really want love. I want that girl I can cuddle with, a girl I can smile and enjoy life with. Be the shoulder for her tears, be the smile when she needs it. I want that feeling of peace lying next to a girl at night. I want that romance, that passion so bad. I have suffered long enough. Every waking moment it eats at me. Being alone, being ostracized, awkward, angry, and alone. I hate being mocked for wanting love. I hate the cliches that reek of fairness. I want love, and I want it NOW. I have been the ugly dreaming kid for way too long. If I sound selfish and if I am weak to someone for desiring love the people who think that should jump into a river and rot. I deserve love with a pretty girl and if anyone and I mean anyone tries to stop me... I'll be waiting. I'm talking to you superficial tall dark and handsome loving idiots.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Loveless said:


> I HATE being single. I really want love. I want that girl I can cuddle with, a girl I can smile and enjoy life with. Be the shoulder for her tears, be the smile when she needs it. I want that feeling of peace lying next to a girl at night. I want that romance, that passion so bad. I have suffered long enough. *Every waking moment it eats at me.* Being alone, being ostracized, awkward, *angry*, and alone. I hate being mocked for wanting love. I hate the cliches that reek of fairness. I want love, *and I want it NOW*. I have been the ugly dreaming kid for way too long. If I sound selfish and if I am weak to someone for desiring love the people who think that should jump into a river and rot. *I deserve love with a pretty girl *and if anyone and I mean anyone tries to stop me... I'll be waiting. I'm talking to you superficial tall dark and handsome loving idiots.


I know exactly what you're going through (because I've been there) so I'm not trying to minimize your pain...

But being angry, desperate, and entitled will get you _nowhere._ You get what you give. Would you want to date someone who's full of anger, desperation, and entitlement? I know I wouldn't. If you give love instead, you might get some back.

I don't want to make you angry by posting this, I just want to get you thinking, because that's the only way you're going to make a positive change. Until you're able to accept who you are at this point in time, no one else is going to be able to accept you either.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Jollygoggles said:


> I'm going to a wedding on Sat. My cousin informs me a friend of hers in all into me and has been checking my facebook and she'll be there.
> 
> I dunno. We'll see. I don't know what she looks like and I ain't in the market for a date. Hope she has a room booked at the hotel lol


I got laid at the wedding, singles club. Being single rocks.

Lamment ye not your loan wolfness. Get out there!


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Jollygoggles said:


> I got laid at the wedding, singles club. Being single rocks.
> 
> Lamment ye not your loan wolfness. Get out there!


Somebodies havin' fun :yes


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

River In The Mountain said:


> Somebodies havin' fun :yes


I'd like to thank alcohol.

Btw, your comment in the crush thread was immense. Seen a lot of me in that.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Jollygoggles said:


> I'd like to thank alcohol.
> 
> Btw, your comment in the crush thread was immense. Seen a lot of me in that.


Alcohol; man's best friend, also dog's best friend.

Ah yes, my self pitying babble :teeth Probably just need to find my off switch ^^


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Hey, River... Yo, River...
Riv... list.. listen.. 
River...
this is you...









:b


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Jollygoggles said:


> Hey, River... Yo, River...
> Riv... list.. listen..
> River...
> this is you...
> ...


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

I'm quite comfortable being single. Dealing with people, especially young females, is mentally exhausting for me.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

River In The Mountain said:


>


Awww. 
De-rustle those jimmies you silly billy.
:hug


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Luka92 said:


> I'm quite comfortable being single. Dealing with people, especially young females, is mentally exhausting for me.


Yeah, I agree. 
I won't be dealing with anyone in a relationship context under the age of 25.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

identitycrisis said:


> I know exactly what you're going through (because I've been there) so I'm not trying to minimize your pain...
> 
> But being angry, desperate, and entitled will get you _nowhere._ You get what you give. Would you want to date someone who's full of anger, desperation, and entitlement? I know I wouldn't. If you give love instead, you might get some back.
> 
> I don't want to make you angry by posting this, I just want to get you thinking, because that's the only way you're going to make a positive change. Until you're able to accept who you are at this point in time, no one else is going to be able to accept you either.


The sad thing is I tell myself that all the time and I still act angry and desperate. I would try to be friends with a girl but I get friendzoned all the time when I do that. I just feel like maybe I should work on getting laid then find a relationship. That would be a good step.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Loveless said:


> I just feel like maybe I should work on getting laid then find a relationship. That would be a good step.


These are facts.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

Jollygoggles said:


> These are facts.


I mean it would cure the desperation lol. If I get confidence... I will get ANY girl I want


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Loveless said:


> I mean it would cure the desperation lol. If I get confidence... I will get ANY girl I want


That's the attitude 

Ok, so time for an update... next week I'm meeting up with a local guy. We met on a dating site. I think he's a lot more interested in me than I am in him. He told me how he can't wait to see me, while I'm more like, "meh." I guess I'm willing to give this a chance and see how it goes. Who knows, I might end up liking him. I'm so tired of being alone, I wonder if it would be better for me to be with someone I'm not all that into, or to continue being alone.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

veron said:


> He told me how he can't wait to see me, while I'm more like, "meh."
> Who knows, I might end up liking him.


Here's what I think will happen:


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

:haha

I needed a good laugh, thanks, lol.

I don't know... we'll go for a drink and hopefully not make it too long. Which brings me to my next point - I never know how to end things. Not just dates, but hanging out with friends too. What happens when you run out of social stamina and just want to go home? What do you say? :stu


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Ok, so the date is tomorrow... and now I don't know what to wear. Should I try to wear something "hot" or just dress in my usual plain-Jane style? I am so clueless.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

maybe something in between the two?


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Yeah, that's a good idea. By "hot" I meant more something like in-between, because I don't have clothes that are very fancy and I never look all dolled up. Dressing just slightly better than merely presentable makes me feel all dressed up, lol. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

I'm kind of scared. He still seems to be very interested in me. The other day, he offered to pick me up by car. He said he was going to spend the day at the construction site of his new little vacation home, and that I should let him know when I'm ready. "Send me a text msg and I'll come pick you up!" I declined the offer (I don't like getting into cars with strangers), but God, I hope he showers for the date after spending the day doing construction work... :um


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Well, yesterday I had my best date ever. I actually ended up liking him, lol. Judging by his emails, I thought he was going to be a little doofus, but then was pleasantly surprised to discover a rather smart, nice, soft spoken man 

And he's such a nerd, lol. I found it endearing how he'd go on and on about some thing he's knowledgeable and passionate about. His voice and the way he talks are soothing. 

But the highlight of the date was when he, near the end of it, asked me if I had a boyfriend  (he was apparently confused because my profile stated that I'm seeking "friendship," and not "dating").

So yeah, that seemed to go well. And surprisingly enough, he seems to still like me as much as he did before meeting me. Guys never showed much interest in me, so this is all quite new. Hopefully a second get-together will happen.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

veron said:


> Well, yesterday I had my best date ever. I actually ended up liking him, lol. Judging by his emails, I thought he was going to be a little doofus, but then was pleasantly surprised to discover a rather smart, nice, soft spoken man
> 
> And he's such a nerd, lol. I found it endearing how he'd go on and on about some thing he's knowledgeable and passionate about. His voice and the way he talks are soothing.
> 
> ...


Congrats  I hope subsequent dates go just as well for you.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

veron said:


> If you're tired about being single, and want to do something about it, post your progress here. Whether you approached someone new today, contacted an old acquaintance, or messaged someone online - share it! I'm hoping a thread like this could help us stay positive as well as be a place where we could motive each other
> 
> So let's go! Tell us about what happened to you on the dating front today.


I can't really say that I'm tired of being single...I see it as something I could change if I really wanted to. It helps to stay positive by knowing the only thing standing in my way is lack of motivation(which I think would be easy to overcome). I'm not actively seeking anyone at the moment, but will be accepting of whatever may happen.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

identitycrisis said:


> Congrats  I hope subsequent dates go just as well for you.


Thanks  I hope so too.


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## Brilliantly Beta (Aug 5, 2012)

Can i join? lol forever hopeless :cry


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Me always going to be single,who would want to be with me?


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## GuyMontag (Dec 12, 2010)

I am a longstanding member of this club.


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## HeavyweightSoul (Jul 24, 2012)

I'm not a part of this club by choice


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

ShyWolfie said:


> Can i join? lol forever hopeless :cry


Yes 


Rossy said:


> Me always going to be single,who would want to be with me?


Lots of people!


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I have no hope


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

It's true! You are all awesome, don't give up


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Haha, think I had 2 failures of dates in the past week or so. Which has perhaps helped me think that being in the singles club isnt as bad really. 

Still not over my x I met 2 women and arranged dates to see if it would help. Both were really nice looking women.

The 1st ended with her asking if we could leave the pub , so we could go on the swings in the park (hell shes 21, so not the ideal end to a date). We havent been txting a great deal any more, but she wants us to go to lunch later in week.

The 2nd, well, Met up with her last friday, got wasted, kissed a bit, I ended up giving her bites on her neck (cant even remember it). Then we met again yesterday, went for a meal, but she had a phone call as she had to sort out something with her work in town, she left... I waited for like 2 hours (only cause it was raining), her battery died and that was that. Although she keeps texting me saying how sorry she is and how she wants to make it up to me.

Oddly its probably the only time in my life I have ever been very close to turning down 2 girls who are nice looking and clearly like me


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)




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## Brilliantly Beta (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't know many girls who would find me really attractive due to serious shyness but hey ive got the upper hand I have the high libido  LOL so pass me ladies you wont ever know  thats my new attitude :teeth


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

veron said:


> Well, yesterday I had my best date ever. I actually ended up liking him, lol. Judging by his emails, I thought he was going to be a little doofus, but then was pleasantly surprised to discover a rather smart, nice, soft spoken man
> 
> And he's such a nerd, lol. I found it endearing how he'd go on and on about some thing he's knowledgeable and passionate about. His voice and the way he talks are soothing.
> 
> ...


There will be no second date. I broke it off with him. This "relationship" was kind of long-distance, because I had to travel to my home town and stay with my parents if I wanted to see him. Also, I still think he likes me a lot more than I like him. While I did have a good time with him, I can see us being friends, but no more than that. Maybe I quit on this too soon, I dunno... but then again, I just know I feel awkward going on dates with a guy I'm not too interested in romantically.

I feel horrible for breaking the guy's heart, but what else can I do  I decided that I'm going to quit online dating for now. It just always seems to be awkward.

So yeah... alone again, and single for life :drunk


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