# Girls: Rate your attraction to underachieving indecisive guys



## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

Girls, if _you _percieve a guy to be an indecisive underachiever who is lacking willpower, are these attractive qualities of a potential partner?
It doesnt have to be how society views this person, just how you see them. If you see these qualities in a person, how attractive would you rate each one of these qualities?
10 being the most attractive, 1 being not very attractive. If these qualities in a person wouldnt bother you, just vote 5, to be neutral.

I have a feeling that they are bordering on turn off qualitites for a guy to have, but not for a girl to have.


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## gonewiththewind (Aug 18, 2010)

_Underachiever:1-2
__Indecision:1-2
__Lacking willpower:1-2_



Lachlan said:


> I have a feeling that they are bordering on turn off qualitites for a guy to have, but not for a girl to have.


For the record, I don't have any double standards. If it's unattractive in a male, it's also unattractive in a female. But if most (heterosexual) guys decide that all they need is a pretty face and not much else, by no means should they turn this into another "girls have it easier and are therefore to blame" ***** fest. Failure to take personal responsibility is also unattractive.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Although those things should probably be turn-offs, I often succumb to thoughts of, "BUT I WILL SAVE THIS PERSON! HOORAY!"


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Attraction would have to depend on his redeeming qualities. 

This poll/thread is ridiculous.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I wish women would just judge men on their looks lol


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

emptybottle2 said:


> Attraction would have to depend on his redeeming qualities.
> 
> This poll/thread is ridiculous.


i agree this is not a great thread, but how else can i get opinions on this? I'm just trying to get ratings of the attractiveness of the qualities, because obviously, as you say, people could have other things that you are attracted to which affect their 'overall' attractiveness. But in a way you have in fact answered my question by calling them qualities which would need to be 'redeemed' you see them as neither neutral, nor good. Am i right in this assumption?


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## lazy calm (Aug 1, 2010)

i have no fúcking clue what's the meaning of this poll. i'm just saying :teeth


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

haha, ok im sorry, obviously its worse than i thought...
Lazy calm, have you ever met guys that you would describe as Indecisive, lacking of willpower or as underachievers??
If you have, did that turn you off them? or can you still be attracted to someone who is like that?


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

Willpower is my biggest concern, I think. 
Someone who can be manipulated by a group easily is *not* attractive in the least... I prefer not to be around people who bow easily to peer pressure. That annoys me.

Based solely on that one flaw, I mean. There could be plenty of redeeming qualities but I would definitely see lack of willpower and originality to be a big flaw.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I actually prefer hanging out with people who have little ambition in life. Underachieving is not a turn off to me unless their ability is already so low that they are essentially doing nothing with their life. I'd rather be with someone who has a job they at least somewhat like and doesn't take up too much of their time while being enough to pay the bills instead of someone who's expending most of their effort trying to get the best possible job they can and make as much money as possible.

Indecision is tolerable to a point. It does get annoying when neither of us can make a decision about something for an extended period of time.

Poor willpower is not tolerable. It's pathetic and immediately annoys me.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I cant even answer the poll bc my attraction to all three is 0... lol


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

I'm going to be honest, its annoying when the guy doesnt want to do anything but just sit around and make you entertain them. But I dont mind if they were an underachiever.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

The way you phrased this question, you know what the answer will be. Negativity can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

TRENNER said:


> The way you phrased this question, you know what the answer will be. Negativity can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.


+1


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Sue me for not knowing what I want to do with my life


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

All are really a turn-off to me except underachieving...you can't really have all the luck in life, this I can understand.

The other two traits are just signs of attitude problems (at least to me).


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

So are you saying that a guy with heavy social anxiety who is indecisive in front of girls, lacking willpower in social situations, and underachieves because of lack of social skills will not be viewed as attractive by most women?


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## ctrlaltdelete (May 13, 2010)

Relaxation said:


> So are you saying that a guy with heavy social anxiety who is indecisive in front of girls, lacking willpower in social situations, and underachieves because of lack of social skills will not be viewed as attractive by most women?


Is this question rhetorical?


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I just want my boyfriend to have similar aspirations to my own. I couldn't deal with someone who was less ambitious than myself. It would be discouraging.

It'd be nice if he had will power and was decisive, but those are less important qualities to me. I don't even think about them.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

Relaxation said:


> So are you saying that a guy with heavy social anxiety who is indecisive in front of girls, lacking willpower in social situations, and underachieves because of lack of social skills will not be viewed as attractive by most women?


It seems that way because men are always looking at the shiniest women.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

I'm sorry to say it depends on the guy. I'm not sure what the deciding factor is. I certainly don't want him to use me, because he lacks the desire to achieve. Other than that, I don't know.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Relaxation said:


> So are you saying that a guy with heavy social anxiety who is indecisive in front of girls, lacking willpower in social situations, and underachieves because of lack of social skills will not be viewed as attractive by most women?


Yes, yes and yes. opcorn


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## asdf (Jan 19, 2008)

mbp86 said:


> Sue me for not knowing what I want to do with my life


u really bang!


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

The results of this poll concern me. im a guy who qualifies in the 1-2 category for all three characteristics. seems i'l just have to learn to be a good lyer


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

This seems like another....self pity, poll.
You already know what the answers are, obviously.

Do you really expect girls to be like, "Well i find underachieving, indecisive guys who lack willpower to be quite the catch!?"

It's human nature to want a protective, strong, determined man in your life. Otherwise, the family you're going to raise together is done for from the beginning.

I don't mind indecisive so much, mainly because i can relate, so we'd have to make decisions together, but other than that, this is just a no-brainer.

I'm not asking for a successful billionaire, but effort counts, and a person's drive shows that you can count on them and they are self-reliant, i guess.

You can't be mother to your children, AND your significant other, afterall, that's just not fair, IMO.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Change 'underachieving' to 'concerned less with work/status than with family, friends, artistic goals', change 'lacking of willpower' to 'indulges from time to time' and change 'indecisive' to 'attempt to give equal amounts of thought to both sides of an argument'... THEN you have a poll.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

Well idk about this one..


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

All I want is cute and nice.


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## InThe519 (Sep 21, 2009)

emptybottle2 said:


> Attraction would have to depend on his redeeming qualities.
> 
> This poll/thread is ridiculous.


or HER's as well.

I think sometimes what you don't see "attractive" right away can become attractive with her personality, the way she carries herself, her goals, aspirations and common ground/beliefs.


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

lazy calm said:


> i have no fúcking clue what's the meaning of this poll. i'm just saying :teeth


:ditto



TRENNER said:


> The way you phrased this question, you know what the answer will be. *Negativity can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.*


Bingo. To the entire post.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

sorry to drag this thread back from the dead, but i wanted to reply to star zero's post.



Star Zero said:


> This seems like another....self pity, poll.
> You already know what the answers are, obviously.
> 
> Do you really expect girls to be like, "Well i find underachieving, indecisive guys who lack willpower to be quite the catch!?"
> ...


I understand what your saying, and your point of view, however something about your post kind of annoys me. Some people like me have anxiety that is caused by the way they think others perceive them, not just on a physical level. It's all very well to say that this is a 'no-brainer' but there are some similarities in that comment to me saying, for example, that it is a 'no-brainer' that you are ugly and fat and that its human nature for people to be not attracted to someone with purple hair. _Those statements are not straight facts_, but matter of individual opinion (though, of course I don't actually think that about you, I'm just making it personal so you can understand my point). It may be a 'no-brainer' for you, but as the poll shows, some people have a completely different opinion. Its helpful when dealing with anxiety to focus on those people's views which contradict your own doubts, and not assume absolutisms.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Just find some self-respect and stop worrying about this crap


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

^ was that directed at me?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

More in a general sense to anyone struggling with personal issues. Not trying to be a jerk, but I can see forming some self-respect as a solution. You have every right to ask questions like this. I do all the time.


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## drowning (Oct 1, 2010)

mbp86 said:


> Sue me for not knowing what I want to do with my life


what happened to loving someone unconditionally?


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## drowning (Oct 1, 2010)

mbp86 said:


> Sue me for not knowing what I want to do with my life


Well said!

what happened to loving someone unconditionally?!


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## VC132 (Sep 1, 2010)

girls have to be attracted to something about us first, ya know.

realistically, what would my response be if we reversed the roles?
if I were a chick, would i date a dude that lacks direction and motivation?

my answer:_ not likely. unless you looked like brad pitt or you had some attraction that females love(your humor or how__ special__ you make her feel)_


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

drowning said:


> Well said!
> 
> what happened to loving someone unconditionally?!


that concept died ages ago


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

I'm an indecisive guy. I'm 100% sure I fit into the first "underachiever category". Erm... hang on?

You're not an indecisivie guy. That's a behaviour. Not a person. You had to decide you were indecisive in order to promote yourself as such. It's like some sort of cat's cradle of irony where you're afraid you might trip over blind, sweeping assumptions at any moment.

As a recovering self hater, I have a blueprint in my head of what I think I should be and what I THINK I'm not (I'm going to write that word THINK again) and I use it to punish myself. My self hatred is particularly violent and aggressive against the self and it's anger is very, very fierce. But achievements are relative and subjective.

I'm not attacking anyone. Just pointing out the problems with the thought patterns on this one. Try as it might, "headspace" is never going to come up with a formula for attraction. It's beyond the comprehension of such attempts.

If a certain number of girls on here come and say that they aren't attracted to "underachieving guys", then some people reading this will make blind, sweeping generalisations that women aren't attracted to underachieving guys. Also a lot of fun involved in ignoring counter variables, relativity, subjectivity, the fact that even a majority of women on here does not stand as a majority of women on planet earth and even if it did it would still just be fluid and in flux opinion.

I struggle with this too. I'm a self hater, of course I do. But there's going to be women who are attracted to you and women who aren't. Even that's not a static. How could it be? People change. Wants change.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Indecisiveness and underachieving gets me soooo hot, mmm.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

^pm me


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## Shoeless Jane (Oct 2, 2010)

Are you asking how well I find unattractive qualities attractive? Sounds a bit confusing.. what's the point of this thread?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I mean, don't you think being attracted to someone who takes care of himself/herself is a universal want? Who the heck wants someone who doesn't have enough respect for himself/herself to take care of themselves? SA is afraid of social situations, but it doesn't necessarily mean you don't WANT to do better. There is a difference. :roll


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

Star Zero said:


> This seems like another....self pity, poll.


Exactly what I was thinking.

Lol, why would anyone be specifically attracted to someone underachieving and indecisive? This whole poll is absurd. Now, a girl might well be attracted to a guy who is that way but she would most likely be attracted to some other quality the guy possesses. I am a guy and you are wrong in assuming that those qualities you mentioned would not be turnoffs in a female.

Everyone wants to be with someone they feel good with. It's not rocket science. Everyone wants to be with someone they feel has a future and has something to offer and add to the relationship. Nobody wants to be with someone who is desperate and willing to be with anyone because of that.

Work on yourself and your self-esteem, that's my advice. If you feel you are not desirable, then work on becoming more desirable.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

^ to the last three posts, look at the results, not 'everyone'. some people clearly are looking for other things


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## shale (Jul 24, 2010)

Not everyone likes over achievers. I've seen some pretty weird attractions. I think sometimes women are afraid of being with someone more successful then them, just like men are sometimes. In those cases they look for somebody less achieving.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

All this poll does is confirm some strong suspicions I've had about "unrealistic" female standards.


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## Shoeless Jane (Oct 2, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> All this poll does is confirm some strong suspicions I've had about "unrealistic" female standards.


What do you mean? Don't guys have 'unrealistic' standards also?


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## KumagoroBeam (Sep 15, 2008)

I'm a girl. I am underachieving, indecisive and lack willpower. Maybe I shouldn't post in this thread because I have literally no experience with dating or relationships. 
But I feel that if I could find someone I really like and who is willing to put up with me... I could overlook almost everything. Call me naive, but I really believe that. Overly confident people scare me anyways.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Not even considering the fact that this thread is just another attempt to prove the "SEE I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT WHEN TOLD YOU ALL THAT GIRLS FIND CERTAIN QUALITIES MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN OTHERS! AND IT'S JUST NOT FAIR CAUSE GUYS HAVE DIFFERENT QUALITIES THEY FIND MORE ATTRACTIVE! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LIKE ALL POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE QUALITIES EQUALLY, LIFE IS SO CRUEL!!!"
But in your poll you don't even have the option to state that one is indifferent to those qualities. Your wording to the question assumes that it will ALWAYS be a quality that one can ONLY find either attractive or unattractive, and that it can't be _just_ one aspect of a guy, rather that he is defined by being indecisive, lacking power (whatever the hell that means) and underachieving. As if there is no gray area.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

^ the intention of this poll is something only I know. its lacking 'will-power', and I have always stated in the intial post that 5 can be the 'neutral' vote


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

nothing to fear said:


> Not even considering the fact that this thread is just another attempt to prove the "SEE I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT WHEN TOLD YOU ALL THAT GIRLS FIND CERTAIN QUALITIES MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN OTHERS! AND IT'S JUST NOT FAIR CAUSE GUYS HAVE DIFFERENT QUALITIES THEY FIND MORE ATTRACTIVE! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LIKE ALL POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE QUALITIES EQUALLY, LIFE IS SO CRUEL!!!"
> But in your poll you don't even have the option to state that one is indifferent to those qualities. Your wording to the question assumes that it will ALWAYS be a quality that one can ONLY find either attractive or unattractive, and that it can't be _just_ one aspect of a guy, rather that he is defined by being indecisive, lacking power (whatever the hell that means) and underachieving. As if there is no gray area.


That's not true. He had you rate your attraction from 1-10, so it was easy to express neutrality.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

This poll is stupid and all it is going to do is reinforce your negative thoughts about what people want. Which will just continue to hold you back. 

Maybe you should strive to improve your qualities. If you see yourself in such poor light why not work on yourself and become someone you want to be.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

^ I believe on the contrary, it shows that not all people want the same thing. Why should I try to be what most people want anyway?


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## VC132 (Sep 1, 2010)

Lachlan said:


> ^ I believe on the contrary, it shows that not all people want the same thing. Why should I try to be what most people want anyway?


Hmmm... this thread is interesting. At first, I was like "Uhh, girls like funny guys with money dude."

But, I sort of understand where you're going now.

LOL, I love this forum. This isn't the first time it's made me rethink things.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

^ I believe on the contrary, it shows that not all people want the same thing. Why should I try to be what most people want anyway?

Maybe you should strive to improve your qualities. If you see yourself in such poor light why not work on yourself and become *someone you want to be*.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Lachlan said:


> The results of this poll concern me. im a guy who qualifies in the 1-2 category for all three characteristics. seems i'l just have to learn to be a good lyer


Also this is what I was referring to regarding negative thoughts


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

shale said:


> Not everyone likes over achievers. I've seen some pretty weird attractions. I think sometimes women are afraid of being with someone more successful then them, just like men are sometimes. In those cases they look for somebody less achieving.


I guess this can be true, but it is most likely going to cause serious problems in the relationship. I'd rather be alone, but hey, that's me. You see relationships with "underachievers" all the time, but I think it would take someone who was really sympathetic and supportive (an emotional sucker, really [neurotic in their own right]), or it would be someone who is just as indecisive as them, depending on what that indecisiveness was about really.

Now your confusing me.. jk

From my perspective, I'd get tired of always trying to help the other person UNLESS I was in the same state as them, or if I already had long ties with them, but it seems we are talking "dating" here, so in that sense, no.


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

It changes depending on my mood..


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

Maybe a girl can be attracted to a guy in spite of the fact he is underachieving and indecisive, but definitely not because of it. At least I hope that's the case considering that's the type of guy I am LOL.


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## april showers (Jun 27, 2009)

Something like this goes both ways. I'm pretty sure most girls wouldn't want someone who is indecisive, underachieving, and lacks willpower. But this shouldn't be chalked up to something attributed to women. Plenty of men that I know want a girl with a ability to make their own decisions and have some direction in life.

The best thing for you to do would be to not obsess over whether women would be attracted to those qualities, and instead work on fixing them. You don't have to be a total type A overachiever, but a little change will go a long way.


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