# Feeling depressed after seeing an attractive girl?



## Badmonkey

I wonder if this happens to other people here. 

(I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls) 

I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most). 

I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends. 
In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue. 

The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch. 
The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life. 

And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting. 

But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


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## Peter Attis

This happens to me sometimes. Usually, it's when I'm in, say, a class with a cute girl. I tend to get sad because I know I'll never muster up the courage to talk to her, even for something class-related.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity

It can be depressing if your mind is geared to remember certain things which reinforce negative perspectives. An example might be, 'damn she's pretty, but I'd never have a chance with a girl like that in this life anyway..'


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## Godless1

Haha, this thread made me think of this.


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## nemesis1

Yeah its really frustrating when you see someone that you really find attractive , but you know you wouldnt even be able to hold a conversation with them, let alone date them.


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## ruinMYlife

i know what u mean, holy hell i wish i could grab one of those


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## Q u i d a m

I always get jealous when I see attractive girls...only because I wish I were one of them. :-/


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## SilentOutcast

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.





Jaiyyson said:


> It can be depressing if your mind is geared to remember certain things which reinforce negative perspectives. An example might be, 'damn she's pretty, but I'd never have a chance with a girl like that in this life anyway..'


I agree what Jaiyyson is saying, people use too much negative talk. We keep thinking of our past failures. I keep walking away from potential relationships or avoid attractive women because I think I have nothing to say or do get into a relationship with them.

*The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her.

*Stop thinking negative, and go for it. Attempt an approach even if it means rejection. After a few rejections or even acceptance your mind will ready for it. 
*
The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.*

You don't know her, look at the attractive people on this board that are complaining about having no friends or relationships. You will never know without talking to her. Physical appearance is a facade it doesn't show the person's true personalty.

*And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.

*A lot of us seem to have this issue. Just take some out maybe just as friend, don't look for the most attractive women you can find. Just look for someone that's looks ok. This way you can find out what you like doing on dates and help reduce anxiety.


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## house bound

im the same i get even more depressed when i see couples together


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## Kon

I used to have "appearance anxiety" but never with girls. It was with better looking guys (if they had a better physique). I have this picture in my mind of the perfect male physique (see attachment-it's clean, it's not porn). My whole life I tried to reach as close as possible to that physique. I never could but I tried. If I seen anybody that had a physique closer to that, I would feel like crap and would hit the gym like a madman. Is this part of SAD or BDD or just physical appearance anxiety? My mother has it, also and she did criticize me when I was younger because I was skinny.


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## BrokenStars

Q u i d a m said:


> I always get jealous when I see attractive girls...only because I wish I were one of them. :-/


Me too...:flush


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## Monroee

I get like this too. I have two types. First is that if there is a girl that is more beautiful. (Actually everyone is more beautiful, but I just mean, VERY beautiful), I'll get depressed that I can never look like that. People will forever be lusting after someone like her and never me. 

The second type is how you feel, knowing the girl is beautiful and probably amazing and I'll never be able to be with her.


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## IccaBNedlog

I feel ****ty when I see attractive women, or at least I used to. It has something to do with loneliness and sexual frustration. But... I don't want to put attractive women on a pedestal, I don't want to feel inferior to anyone. It doesn't sit right with me. Women don't like that so it'll just perpetuate the cycle anyway. I also don't think that physical attractiveness is a virtue any more than I think physical unattractiveness is a vice. 

So, I just want to be indifferent - but not in the manner those pick up artists go on about. You're not being indifferent if you're doing it to get laid / find someone, even if you have to tell yourself you're not doing those things for it to work effectively. I want to be indifferent because I can't change reality, I'm not content with the being a member of the animal kingdom, of being a mammal, a human, a male - I'm not okay with the set up and what role nature has designed for me. It's a dog-eat-dog rat race and I think it's a mistake to think women will be a reward for being good or righteous or whatever, that you will get one because you deserve one. It's a competition, being good at competing is what makes you deserving - the ability to win, to crush your rivals. I resent that there is a competition but frankly I do not want to be the loser who gets the girl in the end, the consolation for the inferior male down the bottom of the social pyramid. That finishing finishing last scenario does not appeal to me and I'd rather just walk away from it altogether - my sense of pride does not want me to take the consolation. If I have to compete I want to win, it's all or nothing. I find when it comes to sexuality men and women really are from different planets and I just can't be bothered with it so just want to forget about the whole thing and find something else to make life worthwhile and enjoyable.


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## AlisonWonderland

Homersxchild said:


> I get like this too. I have two types. First is that if there is a girl that is more beautiful. (Actually everyone is more beautiful, but I just mean, VERY beautiful), I'll get depressed that I can never look like that. People will forever be lusting after someone like her and never me.
> 
> The second type is how you feel, knowing the girl is beautiful and probably amazing and I'll never be able to be with her.


Yes, this!
Except some days I can look at supermodels and think "ha, that girl has nothing on me" :O
I really don't know where that comes from! lolfail


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## pita

It's funny--I don't really feel depressed after seeing an attractive man. Even if he were light-years out of my league, it wouldn't really bother me.

But an attractive woman makes me want to crawl into a hole with a bag over my face.

I should probably deal with my jealousy issues.


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## Badmonkey

house bound said:


> im the same i get even more depressed when i see couples together


Of course, how could I forget about couples. Totally!

But, only with couples where I find the girl to be cute. Because I then divide the jealousy between the cute girl and the lucky son of a ***** who's dating her.
It's all about wanting what you can't have.

Not to get too off-topic, but what it also does to me is basically prevent me from having a relationship. My 2 previous GFs weren't "cute" (by any standards) so I've decided to not compromise anymore, because being with them made me even more depressed.

The problem is, when you mix "SA" with "not compromising", it usually equals in you being alone for a very long time.

It's like the chicken and the egg...


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## SilentOutcast

Kon said:


> I used to have "appearance anxiety" but never with girls. It was with better looking guys (if they had a better physique). I have this picture in my mind of the perfect male physique (see attachment-it's clean, it's not porn). My whole life I tried to reach as close as possible to that physique. I never could but I tried. If I seen anybody that had a physique closer to that, I would feel like crap and would hit the gym like a madman. Is this part of SAD or BDD or just physical appearance anxiety? My mother has it, also and she did criticize me when I was younger because I was skinny.





BrokenStars said:


> Me too...:flush





Homersxchild said:


> I get like this too. I have two types. First is that if there is a girl that is more beautiful. (Actually everyone is more beautiful, but I just mean, VERY beautiful), I'll get depressed that I can never look like that. People will forever be lusting after someone like her and never me.
> 
> The second type is how you feel, knowing the girl is beautiful and probably amazing and I'll never be able to be with her.





AlisonWonderland said:


> Yes, this!
> Except some days I can look at supermodels and think "ha, that girl has nothing on me" :O
> I really don't know where that comes from! lolfail





pita said:


> It's funny--I don't really feel depressed after seeing an attractive man. Even if he were light-years out of my league, it wouldn't really bother me.
> 
> But an attractive woman makes me want to crawl into a hole with a bag over my face.
> 
> I should probably deal with my jealousy issues.


Looks aren't everything stop comparing your self to others. Some of these people are as dumb as rocks and others just have really bad personalities.
You see too many really good looking people who are to sure of them self's.

You only lowing your own self worth, try not to think about other people. Don't let looks intimidate you from competing for the opposite sex.


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## jellybelly

I got this just the other day. I saw this really cute guy at the supermarket who'd I'd never seen before. The first time I saw him I had to keep looking back at him he was rather stunning. I saw him about 3 times around the shop, including him being at the next checkout at the same time I was paying. I didn't feel particularly depressed then but I felt sad I'd never see him again. Shallow much? lol. 

Only then the next day I saw him in town. Bit of a coinkidink but then again it is the holiday season and everywhere has been busy with people buying stuff. I couldn't quite believe I saw him again. Him being so attractive plus having seen him only the day before made my anxiety extra high and I got hot and it was a small shop and I almost walked into someone on the way out of the shop because I was so preoccupied. Argh. I got suddenly depressed for a while after that. Partly I think because it had sounded like he was buying a present for a girlfriend. 

I shouldn't be focued on people's looks, but I am, because I don't know any guys to like them by their personality. I don't go out a whole lot and when I do, I'm not affected by every attractive guy. It's just some that really affect me. *sigh*


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## ItsNicole

I don't get jealous of attractive boys. It's more so of me getting jealous of their girlfriends, and wishing that I were them. Why do I have to be the way I am, and why couldn't I be like them? It makes me so angry how little confidence I have!


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## Bathory

Sadly, yes, I have this problem. I know it's an unattractive quality, but hey, I'm hoping this place will be cathartic for me, so I'm putting it out there. I would suppose, yes, sometimes I feel bad when I see an attractive guy because I know I'm not in his league, but I'm more apt to get depressed and jealous at seeing an attractive girl. Not always. In some cases I can just appreciate their beauty, but usually the green monster in me comes out, along with the negative thoughts about myself. 

However, on the other end of the spectrum, I get depressed when I see people who I don't consider to be attractive, or people with disabilities/handicaps that have someone. I was watching a show today about a woman with only half a body who's been married for six years to a man that is normal (physically speaking). And my thought was, "If this woman can find someone to love AND ACCEPT her, why can't I?" It's an awful thought, and I have no excuse. I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong her or others. But in my warped way of thinking, I feel like I'm so damaged, and that my issues make me so unattractive as a partner that a person would rather be with someone with a severe physical impairment. I wonder to myself why it's so difficult to find someone to connect with and who will love me for me, flaws and all. Obviously there are men out there like that, but I'm sure not finding them.

And yes, this is completely superficial, but I'm human and most definitely not perfect.


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## Timeofallout

I have this problem as well; often I'll see an attractive girl and immediately get depressed. This happens while at work, or visiting the mall, and other locations. I can't seem to control the thoughts that stream into mind, it's very annoying looking at someone and wishing there was more to our lives than simply exchanging glances (if that). It also makes me feel weird because I know nothing about the person I'm visualizing going out with :roll


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## Kakaka

I don't get this but I symapthise.

It only bothers me when I see an attractive girl with her boyfriend, particularly if he is unattractive. I had this other day with couple who were both about my age. The girl was really cute but the guy had a Jewfro and as though that wasn't bad enough, had also grown a full beard. I felt like picking her up and shaking her. :sus


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## kangarabbit

I feel the same way but w/ attractive boys. Also, I get jealous of attractive girls because I know I'm not one of them. :/


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## Needsomehelp

I have a girl that is a friend and she is very attractive. I have known her since I was little and I can talk to her perfectly.

After talking with her sometimes it gives me confidence, because I feel like if I can talk to her I can talk to any girl I think is attractive


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## jmoop

I went to Hawaii recently. There were cute Japanese/Korean couples everywhere. I found myself wishing I could be one of those prettier women 

I've always been called "cute" and "nice" by others, but "attractive" seems to come from the older men looking for a sugar baby.


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## mayhem

It depends how attractive but i am very different when i see attractive girl, sometimes ill show off or something to her attention but if she already "kinda" shows interest in me then ill get very awkward and shy. Its weird.


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## blanksBACK

That sorta happens to me. I get a tad mad (RHHHHYYYYYMMMEEEESSSS!! also.


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## HeyImAwkward

Peter Attis said:


> This happens to me sometimes. Usually, it's when I'm in, say, a class with a cute girl. I tend to get sad because I know I'll never muster up the courage to talk to her, even for something class-related.


story of my life :sus


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## BetaBoy90

No I get all happy, symmetry makes me get all giddy!


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## Crystalline

I can't stop looking at very attractive people. And yes I do get jealous, though it's more that I'm aware their good looks get them more breaks in life, than thinking of it from a relationship or romantic angle (I don't buy the whole "attractiveness is purely subjective" thing at all anyway).


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## Annie K

Q u i d a m said:


> I always get jealous when I see attractive girls...only because I wish I were one of them. :-/


:ditto


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## Music Man

I used to feel depressed when I saw attractive girls but now it doesn't seem to register as I tend to be numb to it. My thought cycle is something like:

Beautiful girl - just a girl - just another person - concentrate on what I'm doing

I find when I'm doing something I enjoy, I feel happy but when faced with girls, I feel depressed, so I just do what I like to do


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## percyblueraincoat

Music Man said:


> I used to feel depressed when I saw attractive girls but now it doesn't seem to register as I tend to be numb to it. My thought cycle is something like:
> 
> Beautiful girl - just a girl - just another person - concentrate on what I'm doing
> 
> *I find when I'm doing something I enjoy, I feel happy but when faced with girls, I feel depressed, so I just do what I like to do*


So, what you seem to be saying to yourself here is: if I enjoyed being with/approaching girls, I'd feel happy? Look at what you do internally and externally when you're doing something you enjoy and are happy. Then, if right for your personal ecology and circumstances and wants, move it across to when you want to feel happy, comfortable, confident etc when with girls.


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## Music Man

joinmartin said:


> So, what you seem to be saying to yourself here is: if I enjoyed being with/approaching girls, I'd feel happy? Look at what you do internally and externally when you're doing something you enjoy and are happy. Then, if right for your personal ecology and circumstances and wants, move it across to when you want to feel happy, comfortable, confident etc when with girls.


 I've tried to do this for years but I find it difficult, so I like to get natural highs from the stuff I enjoy.


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## sanntick

May be it's a feeling of partial jealousy. May be it's some sort of insecurity. This thing won't bother you if you stop comparing yourself to her in any possible way.


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## confidencelost

Attractive people can actually be very lonely. People tend stereotype them and give them the wrong type of attention. You see a lot more beautiful women alone than you do with partners or friends.

Looks mean nothing. You shouldn't stereotype people because of it, even when that stereotype is positive.


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## stranger0

From personal experience I'll say this:

At some point you come to realize that you, with all the problems you carry and the much decreased social functionality that follows them, wont, ever, be able to get a beautiful girl. It hurts, but you learn to accept it, as you come to accept that you'll never write a hit album or the next great novel, or that you will never rise above mediocrity.

You'll learn to deal with your own limitations, eventually. You may just get over it and accept yourself for what you are, or you may become permanently depressed. In any case, it won't matter much anymore.


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## percyblueraincoat

stranger0 said:


> From personal experience I'll say this:
> 
> At some point you come to realize that you, with all the problems you carry and the much decreased social functionality that follows them, wont, ever, be able to get a beautiful girl. It hurts, but you learn to accept it, as you come to accept that you'll never write a hit album or the next great novel, or that you will never rise above mediocrity.
> You'll learn to deal with your own limitations, eventually. You may just get over it and accept yourself for what you are, or you may become permanently depressed. In any case, it won't matter much anymore.


Yes, that is right. Because nobody with problems and issues and self doubt and shyness has ever got a beautiful girl. Well, actually, that's pure twaddle. You've been accepting nonsense about yourself and others as if it holds a truth.

Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does.


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## percyblueraincoat

Music Man said:


> I've tried to do this for years but I find it difficult, so I like to get natural highs from the stuff I enjoy.


Yes, but difficult is not impossible. Why don't u enjoy approaching girls? What are the differences between what u do when you enjoy something and when you approach or think about approaching girls?


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## confidencelost

joinmartin said:


> Yes, that is right. Because nobody with problems and issues and self doubt and shyness has ever got a beautiful girl. Well, actually, that's pure twaddle. You've been accepting nonsense about yourself and others as if it holds a truth.
> 
> Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does.


+1 to that.


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## KennethJones

stranger0 said:


> From personal experience I'll say this:
> 
> At some point you come to realize that you, with all the problems you carry and the much decreased social functionality that follows them, wont, ever, be able to get a beautiful girl. It hurts, but you learn to accept it, as you come to accept that you'll never write a hit album or the next great novel, or that you will never rise above mediocrity.
> You'll learn to deal with your own limitations, eventually. You may just get over it and accept yourself for what you are, or you may become permanently depressed. In any case, it won't matter much anymore.


Quoted for truth. Excellent point.


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## Kakaka

confidencelost said:


> Attractive people can actually be very lonely. People tend stereotype them and give them the wrong type of attention. You see a lot more beautiful women alone than you do with partners or friends.
> 
> Looks mean nothing. You shouldn't stereotype people because of it, even when that stereotype is positive.


Agreed. The most beautiful girl I ever knew has never had a boyfriend (she's the same age as me). I'm not saying they're all like that but it's wrong to assume that just because of their looks they all lead some sort of remarkable problem-free life.



joinmartin said:


> Yes, that is right. Because nobody with problems and issues and self doubt and shyness has ever got a beautiful girl. Well, actually, that's pure twaddle. You've been accepting nonsense about yourself and others as if it holds a truth.
> 
> Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does.


^:yes

If you have such a defeatist attitude you're never going to get anywhere. If a hot girl came on to you, you're just going to miss out because you've convinced yourself it would never happen.

Obviously be defeatist within reason - most of us aren't going to walk on the moon. But you're only 29, it's still possible you could write a hit album or the next great novel. I mean, Scatman Joe got his first hit single age 52 :b

It's only going to happen if you're prepared put the effort in, just as it's possible you could still get a beautiful girl.


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## Badmonkey

stranger0 said:


> From personal experience I'll say this:
> 
> At some point you come to realize that you, with all the problems you carry and the much decreased social functionality that follows them, wont, ever, be able to get a beautiful girl. It hurts, but you learn to accept it, as you come to accept that you'll never write a hit album or the next great novel, or that you will never rise above mediocrity.


That is true if we're talking about outrageously gorgeous women. Let's put those aside and focus on everyday cute girls that we wish to be with.

To have a hit album or write a great novel you need to have a talent. (and some luck of course, but that's beside the point)

You do not need a talent to have normal social skills. Generally speaking, any average Joe with normal social skills and a decent look can get a cute girl. The problem is that we (forum members) are not average, we're a minority.

Personally and not-very-humbly speaking, I know that it's not my looks that is the problem, it's my social skills. I also know what it's like to be popular around girls (me - 10 years back).
"All" it takes is hard work to beat the SA.

Let's not lose hope, we really can't know what tomorrow might bring.


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## stranger0

joinmartin said:


> Yes, that is right. Because nobody with problems and issues and self doubt and shyness has ever got a beautiful girl. Well, actually, that's pure twaddle. You've been accepting nonsense about yourself and others as if it holds a truth.
> 
> Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does.


Obviously, social anxiety and other mental disorders, which are what trouble most people in this forum, are much more serious than "problems and issues and self doubt and shyness". We're not talking about people who are a bit shy to talk to a girl. We are talking about people who simply do not know how, nor are mentally and physical able, to connect to other people, because of serious psychological and/or neurological issues. Unless those issues are tackled first, there is zero chance of establishing a normal relationship, not only to a pretty girl, but to anyone.

As for the second part, about equal chances etc, reminds me too much of Paulo Coelho-like "if you really want something, the universe will grant it to you" hogwash to even bother to make a comment.


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## rockyraccoon

I know it's very difficult to approach women when you are impaired with anxiety, so I know what you are going through. I guess if I see an attractive girl I won't necessarily get depressed, but I do end up dwelling on my lonelyness. For me it's when I see a couple walking down the street or in the mall holding hands, that's when I get sad.


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## BrokenStars

Timeofallout said:


> I have this problem as well; often I'll see an attractive girl and immediately get depressed. This happens while at work, or visiting the mall, and other locations. I can't seem to control the thoughts that stream into mind, it's very annoying looking at someone and wishing there was more to our lives than simply exchanging glances (if that). It also makes me feel weird because I know nothing about the person I'm visualizing going out with :roll


This.

This is exactly what happens to me when I see an attractive guy. It sucks.


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## mysterioussoul

yes, i feel jealous that they're attractive and for girls that i'm attracted to then i feel depressed. i think about how social and popular she is and feel inadequate, and know that i'm not worthy.


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## strawberryjulius

I've never felt depressed when seeing an attractive guy, even when I was single. However, seeing an attractive woman, whether I am personally attracted to her or not, makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. Oh, and please, if you're going to tell me to stop comparing myself to other people, tell me how because I'd love to know.


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## mindsanitizer

men, being in the presence of hot women, release the hormone cortisol. i'm guessing it has to do with that.


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## That guy over there

I can relate to this. If I see an attractive girl chatting and laughing with her friends I would often think that I would never end up with someone like that and even if if did then they would lose interest quickly because I haven't got alot to say and get board


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## InfiniteBlaze

This happens to me every time I see my crushes at school.


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## writingupastorm

It gives me a mood lift when I see an attractive girl. Even if I know I will never be with her, it's just pleasant seeing her.


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## giantkiller

I see and talk to the same girl every single day, I fancy her really really bad and have done for a long while, I think she likes me to, although probably not as much as I like her. 

I'm just too shy and scared to ask her out, so nothing will ever happen. It used to be a joy to see her everyday, now it's just agony. 

So, yes, frustrated too..


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## Chris16

I have this problem a little bit, but not nearly as much as I did before. They're just people. 

It's a weird assumption I hear the more lonely of us always making when we see a pretty girl with someone we assume is a prick. Isn't that the whole deal with the hot-chicks-with-douche-bags thing? It's the assumption that the girl could do better than that guy, but how do you know the girl is a good person to begin with, and that she wasn't attracted to that guy because her personality is just as rotten? Because she's pretty?

That's not to say I assume every pretty girl I see is a cold-B, rather I remember that they're just thoughts and feelings that happened to wind up in a pretty body. Nothing more, nothing less, and nothing to cry about.


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## Ape in space

I get depressed when seeing an attractive girl because it's a reminder of what I'm missing out on by being so hopelessly introverted.


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## arpeggiator

It's not only with the attractive ones, but with almost any girl. I'm often attracted to unconventional girls. The most typical situation is when I'm sitting in a bench (usually alone) between classes.
I see girls passing and I think to myself something like 'This girl would be perfect for me... if it wasn't for SA.... Wait, has she looked at me? I don't think so'. Instant depression. I guess I'm just a desperate man.


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## FadeToOne

joinmartin said:


> I've just come from a book group meeting. I'd met a few of them by going to a film with them a few weeks ago but apart from that, I didn't know any of them. And I walked into the venue and spoke to them all and introduced myself to everybody and I thought: "oh, my goodness, it's wall to wall gorgeous girls". Now, some had boyfriends. But some didn't. And they were speaking to me. One girl kept giving me a lot of eye contact from across the table, another broke into a conversation I was having with another girl and well...things went really well. This comes hot on the heels of another social event I went to yesterday.
> 
> Now, as we know from the worshippers of the bleakness, the fact that girls spoke to me, showed interest etc means I'm an alpha male with tonnes of money.
> 
> But it was a great night. I quite like one girl in the group (she's gorgeous and seems to have a good personality) but I don't know what her story is. We've talked a bit and I'm not sure whether I should add her on Facebook or not. But I'm not getting attached.
> 
> Because that's been a problem in the past: just focusing on one girl I like. Messes with the head. There was another guy in the group and I slipped into the old pattern of assuming I wasn't going to be as attractive to people as this other guy was. And maybe I was and maybe I wasn't. But the point was, I had nothing to prove. No outcome to depend on. I had a great night.
> 
> If you get depressed when you seen attractive girl and you start thinking you'll never be good enough for her or she won't be interested in you...well...none of that is real. That's not her rejecting you. That's you rejecting yourself and if you're not on your own team supporting you then who is?
> 
> Maybe she does like you. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she doesn't. Doesn't matter. The positives of approaching and talking to her out weigh the negatives. If she rejects you then you'll feel terrible? Oh, really? Well, if you're dismissing yourself when you see a woman you like you're probably feeling pretty down and terrible anyway. And living with that fear and sense of regret is going to be ten times worse than actually going up to her and saying something...anything. A simple "hi" could well be enough.
> 
> I get that it is hard and difficult. But anything good to have pretty much is. Those who were successful didn't find this easy. They faced the fear and did it and you have the resources to do the very same thing.


Not sure how attractive is the plan being suggested here. Hit on as many girls as you can, don't care how many times you get rejected, until you score a hookup and then...what? Start looking again, rinse and repeat?

I guess that's what some might want to do, good luck to them on finding the courage for it, but some people want a different sort of potential relationship. What is "good to have" for one is not good for someone else.


----------



## That guy over there

joinmartin said:


> If you get depressed when you seen attractive girl and you start thinking you'll never be good enough for her or she won't be interested in you...well...none of that is real. That's not her rejecting you. That's you rejecting yourself and if you're not on your own team supporting you then who is?


Good point, Im so used of being against myself all the time. I think I have to learn to love myself first.


----------



## d93

I feel ugly when I see a cute girl. I'm not the best looking person in the world... and I'm always attracted to girls who I'll never have a chance with.

So, yes I do feel depressed when I see a attractive girl.


----------



## IcemanKilmer

I've felt this before. But I've learned more that jealousy just makes you feel bad and doesn't get you anywhere. It's best to try to avoid jealousy if you can, it's a waste of time and brain power.


----------



## Freiheit

I get kind of depressed when I see a guy that I find to be really cute. I can't even look at him much less hope to have a conversation. It's embarrassing. Kind of like a reminder that I'm doomed to be alone. Even if I had a chance to talk to him or even go out, I'd bore him to death because I'd be too braindead to even function. No joke. Not that I'm looking for a relationship, or anything.


----------



## nothing to fear

strawberryjulius said:


> I've never felt depressed when seeing an attractive guy, even when I was single. However, seeing an attractive woman, whether I am personally attracted to her or not, makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. Oh, and please, if you're going to tell me to stop comparing myself to other people, tell me how because I'd love to know.


This



pita said:


> It's funny--I don't really feel depressed after seeing an attractive man. Even if he were light-years out of my league, it wouldn't really bother me.
> 
> But an attractive woman makes me want to crawl into a hole with a bag over my face.
> 
> I should probably deal with my jealousy issues.


and this.

Especially if they are similar to me in certain ways but a thousand times more awesome (not that I think I'm awesome at all) and have a great personality and such. Basically what I wish I was like.

But I never really talk about this openly or express it because it would (and showing my low self-esteem in general) get annoying I bet.


----------



## EsperanzaFey

Attractive girls are not untouchable aliens you know. We send that signal out to the world to protect us from being constantly hassled or talked to by weirdos, so you can't blame us when we stiffen up when strangers try and chat us up. I am sure any attractive girl would not want anyone to feel like that because of her beauty, I would hate to think I made someone unhappy because of the way I look! But I guess it does happen, I've been rejected many times from social groups or girls or guys, because apparently I am too beautiful and make people feel inadequate. That really sucks because I wonder if they knew the personal suffering I go through if they would act the same? Probably would. Noone cares about my suffering. They think because I am beautiful I must have it easy. 

So to conclude: Do not assume a pretty girl has an amazing life, because some of the most beautiful girls I know are the saddest. We never know whether a man wants us for the way we look (a view you have strengthened in your post) or for who we are inside (nobody ever does by the way)

Beauty is within, do not be fathomed by outer appearance. Yes it has an impact on our personalities of course but only because others have shaped us that way, by reacting to our appearance whether ugly, plain, pretty or beautiful. Next time you see a pretty girl, don't feel sad, because chances are her life may be as ****ty as yours. Give her a smile, because noone ever smiles at her, just stares.


----------



## max87

That happened a lot to me when i was a teenager. Not anymore. I just sigh and immediately start thinking how she is out of my league and simply stop thinking about it. 
:| 
Sad, really. Very, very sad.


----------



## artandis

Q u i d a m said:


> I always get jealous when I see attractive girls...only because I wish I were one of them. :-/


I second this


----------



## Colton

I feel the same way! Usually this happens when I take the bus to and from school. There are so many cute and beautiful girls who I can't have. The prettiest ones are these pack of 13 year-olds who, even though they're only 13, have way more friends and way more life experience than I do at 17. I want to BE them as much as I want to be WITH them.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Yup, yup. I struggle with this too. 

However, I've recently cheer myself up by reminding myself that she is probably too extroverted for me anyway.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

joinmartin said:


> Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does.


Ummm...


----------



## Karuni

I kinda feel down when I see a cute guy cause I know I could never talk to him/impress him. But the feeling gets 10x worse when I look around and see how many other girls there are that are way more attractive. That's when the depression really hurts. This happens at work where everyone "hooks up" with everyone else, and I don't even remotely compare to most of the girls there so I feel left out...


----------



## Cody88

I used to but now it's like their beauty intoxicates me  hah I've been working on talking more so next time I see an attractive girl it won't make me depressed or anything. It'll be like woah I have an opportunity if they aren't with any guys. I say that and watch me get shot down lol but yeah :b


----------



## Wacky Wednesdays

I don't really get jealous of them, but they can be pretty intimidating.


----------



## jamesd

This thread makes no sense. When I see cute chick, I think wow...she's cute! If she is hot enough and doesn't look preoccupied I go over and have a little chit chat. If things go well I ask her if she wants to continue the conversation some other time over a cup of coffee. What is wrong with you?:sus


----------



## iamwhatiam

Quote:
Originally Posted by *joinmartin*  
_Every guy on here who wants one has as much chance of being with a beautiful woman as any other guy does._

Like every 5ft male has as much chance as a 7ft male to make it to the nba.


----------



## Tar

Just because someone looks attractive doesn't mean they have a great life because of it.


----------



## Tar

Karuni said:


> I kinda feel down when I see a cute guy cause I know I could never talk to him/impress him. But the feeling gets 10x worse when I look around and see how many other girls there are that are way more attractive. That's when the depression really hurts. This happens at work where everyone "hooks up" with everyone else, and I don't even remotely compare to most of the girls there so I feel left out...


I feel EXACTLY the same!


----------



## iamwhatiam

Saying that if someone on these forums merely "wants" a women they have as much chance as anybody else is simply false. If your anxiety is so bad that you have trouble going out in public or starting a conversation with a women you will have less of a chance of meeting women that someone without anxiety. To dismiss this is to dimiss reality. Notice I didn't make any mention of concepts such as self image or self worth. If you had said getting a beautiful woman is tougher with social anxiety but not impossible I could agree with a statement like that.


----------



## Quietguy90

I just feel frustrated when i see a cool person I want to get to know, If i see a girl who looks like she is a really awesome person and happens to be pretty as well it makes me feel like I have to beat my SA even more. Me and another dude from SAS were talking about this last night while we were hanging out and we were talking about how when your frustration with living with SA becomes more than your fear of people then you will be forced to do something about it. I don't think my frustration is overpowering my fear of people but it at least gives me an incentive to act.


----------



## GlassPaperBag

I kinda skimmed through the thread but from what I read people need to stop thinking good-looking people have amazing lives. I'm going to take what other people have said about me, or atleast what boys say about me and say I'm "good-looking", that I have SA, and have been asked out before, but have turned down because my anxiety went crazy. What was I gonna talk about? Where I go on the weekends?

"Attractive" people (and mostly girls) are criticized for -everything- by jealous people. If it's not your looks, it's your personality, your attitude, the way you dress, the way you walk, etc. People need to stop being so judgemental and grow up.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Just saw a pic on another forum of a very attractive female. They guy that posted it is on good terms with her. Sent my depression through the roof.

I think I'm going to just take a nice, long nap. a VERY long nap.


----------



## Angelbroken

GlassPaperBag said:


> I kinda skimmed through the thread but from what I read people need to stop thinking good-looking people have amazing lives. I'm going to take what other people have said about me, or atleast what boys say about me and say I'm "good-looking", that I have SA, and have been asked out before, but have turned down because my anxiety went crazy. What was I gonna talk about? Where I go on the weekends?
> 
> "Attractive" people (and mostly girls) are criticized for -everything- by jealous people. If it's not your looks, it's your personality, your attitude, the way you dress, the way you walk, etc. People need to stop being so judgemental and grow up.


I couldn't agree with you more :squeeze I have been called by many random girls "Cute". . or "Adorable" or even "Hot" and sometimes, if I wouldn't of been so shy, I might of even been able to get a date (I have a girlfriend of 4 years currently so it also woulda been bad =P) But that still doesn't stop my shyness, and anxiety issues from killing all those chances at socializing, making new friends, ect.ect.

Anyway, I guess I feel a bit sad after seeing a cute girl. . . I feel even worse when I see her with a douche-bag man that probably only wants her for sex and doesn't listen to her. (People make me sick)


----------



## Chris16

So many guys illustrate the scenario of seeing a hot girl with a "douchebag", and I empathize completely, but there is something missing in this thought process. 

You see the guy and judge him for being orange and wearing shades or whatever, but what about the part where you judge the woman's personality from her appearance? Well, I guess that does happen. We assume that she's the victim, that she's the poor sweet thing hooked up with the evil monster who doesn't care about her. 

That's just another form of objectifying women, except instead of turning them into sex objects you've characterized every attractive woman as innocent, and you're spitting on every past instance in which you vied for "inner beauty," because you had nothing to go on except the girl's physical beauty. It really doesn't make a lot of sense, and irks me quite a bit.

I stopped feeling depressed at the sight of attractive girls with other men when I noticed this.


----------



## Angelbroken

Chris16 said:


> So many guys illustrate the scenario of seeing a hot girl with a "douchebag", and I empathize completely, but there is something missing in this thought process.
> 
> You see the guy and judge him for being orange and wearing shades or whatever, but what about the part where you judge the woman's personality from her appearance? Well, I guess that does happen. We assume that she's the victim, that she's the poor sweet thing hooked up with the evil monster who doesn't care about her.
> 
> That's just another form of objectifying women, except instead of turning them into sex objects you've characterized every attractive woman as innocent, and you're spitting on every past instance in which you vied for "inner beauty," because you had nothing to go on except the girl's physical beauty. It really doesn't make a lot of sense, and irks me quite a bit.
> 
> I stopped feeling depressed at the sight of attractive girls with other men when I noticed this.


Oh you're definitely 100% right. I realize this shortly after too, I just wish it WASN'T that way. . . Like if she wasn't constantly being drolled over by horny boys when she was just 13, maybe she would of become something better with herself.

I don't know, I don't make much sense sometimes >_<


----------



## HackerZC

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here...
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).


This is my biggest trigger and pretty much my number one issue. It's the reason for most of the crap I put myself through. And it's this sort of stuff that makes me end up hating myself and my life the most. 

The thing is they don't have to be "very" attractive... anyone I find attractive does this to me, including photos of people (even a number of people here on SAS). I just get this idea in my head that no one like that would ever care about someone like me, and of course I blame my looks and lifestyle for that. In other words, I can't have that because of who I am... so what's the point in even being here?

The really messed up thing is that I've had very attractive women in my life before, as friends, girlfriends, etc. So I know it's not impossible for me to have that, but the fact that I don't right now makes it seem impossible. Add to that the fact that I KNOW what I'm missing out on.
It really makes me feel like crap.

I don't care if it means I'm objectifying women, or if I'm being shallow. I want what I want and it's that simple. The rest of the world seems to have no problem picking and choosing what they want... so why should I?


----------



## medicinmels

pita said:


> It's funny--I don't really feel depressed after seeing an attractive man. Even if he were light-years out of my league, it wouldn't really bother me.
> 
> But an attractive woman makes me want to crawl into a hole with a bag over my face.
> 
> I should probably deal with my jealousy issues.


I get depressed after seeing an attractive girl because my first thought is, "I will never look like that." All the guys want to work with that girl. What kills me is when the attractive girl is so damn smart, funny, has all the right answers, and she doesn't make mistakes. That *****, how can she study and look amazing at the same time?  ! LOL!

After seeing an attractive guy, I only get depressed knowing he probably only dates SUPER attractive people. Or when I see his attractive SO and that person looks like a model off duty. -_-


----------



## voitzify

yep : / happened to me this very day


----------



## mysterioussoul

medicinmels said:


> I get depressed after seeing an attractive girl because my first thought is, "I will never look like that." All the guys want to work with that girl. What kills me is when the attractive girl is so damn smart, funny, has all the right answers, and she doesn't make mistakes. That *****, how can she study and look amazing at the same time?  ! LOL!
> 
> After seeing an attractive guy, I only get depressed knowing he probably only dates SUPER attractive people. Or when I see his attractive SO and that person looks like a model off duty. -_-


 

oh, i know! i get really jealous if a girl is beautiful and intelligent. i would be thinking "*****, why do you have to have so much?". i usually feel annoyed if the girl is angelic looking and bubbly because i'm attracted to them and wonder why do they have to be so cute.


----------



## Brianiscool

Err, you're quite attractive yourself there mister  haha

Anyway, I have that problem sometimes. Not all the time. But I understand you when you talk about the depression afterwards, sometimes it can ruin my whole day and I feel like ****. Nothing you can do though.


----------



## Cisco

I kinda have mixed feelings. Sometimes I'll go for a while without seeing anybody I find attractive, and think "man, even if I didn't have SA, who's out there? Boring guys I'm not attracted to anyway." So when I do see a guy I find attractive and interesting, I think "there's hope after all!" _Then _I get depressed because I'm a dork with SA. :b


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I just know I will never get her. It is hopeless.


----------



## RetroDoll

u don't even know if she's somebody u would even like. you're just looking at her and assuming her good looks measure up to everything else.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Crap. The problem is even worse in college now that I literally see hundreds of attractive women everyday. Oh well.


----------



## akt

I don't get depressed just seeing attractive people walk by (male or female). I may feel a little bad when I see someone unattractive and/ or overweight (no offense to anyone here) having a boyfriend, good job, going to school and living a happy life... just makes me wonder if they can live a life why couldn't I have.


----------



## The Professor

I think I go to #1 college in the country for percentage of good looking girls. One thing I don't like though is how they ALL try so hard and wear dresses and stuff everyday.


----------



## josen

yes!!
i can be having an amazing day, and if i suddenly interact with someone who is insanely attractive, it will totally and utterly kill my mood.

strange. thought i would be the only one.


----------



## Elleire

No, I don't think depressed is the word for how I feel when I see attractive people. Two different sorts of embarrassment, yes. Ashamed somewhat.


----------



## YesandNo

I definitely get jealous when I see a beautiful girl but I get just as jealous with a confident girl whether she is attractive or not. I work in a grocery store and a lot of times I get asked about a certain product or where something might be, and if the person asking me gives off a really confident vibe I totally clam up. I find confidence very intimidating and my lack of it is depressing.


----------



## Hopeful25

I immediately get intimidated when I walk by an attractive person, whether I show it or not (and I used to clearly show it, but I'm getting better at hiding it). I don't necessarily get "depressed", just flustered, but I see where you're coming from. I get depressed when I encounter someone more confident than me, or sometimes instead of depression I instinctually get angry and jealous. It sucks. While these thoughts are racing in my head I realize how illogical it is to think worse of myself because of this persons confidence, but I can't stop doing it. I stopped blaming myself a while ago actually, I just need to learn to control my train of thought and work on my social skills. Easier said than done but it'll happen


----------



## namespace11

Badmonkey said:


> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.


I get that a lot too. I don't really think about it much or have really talked about it (that I can remember recently anyway) because after it happens I tend to just kinda forget about it and keep moving on. But yeah it does happen but for me it's not only when seeing attractive women, it's also when I see people being able to just hang out with friends and talk and just enjoying the moment. I live in a smaller city so one of the most uncomfortable places that happens to me is the mall. I will be walking around just trying to relax at the end of the day and feel slightly normal ( since you know, I'm at the mall were all the normal, cool people like to hang out, right? :b) I will see all these people walking with friends, chatting, people with their dates and everyone just chillaxing and I'm here all by myself, wondering how people can easily do all that and be so social. It all just reminds me how much I'm missing out on in my life.

(wow, this kinda ended up being a rather depressing post.)


----------



## ChiefHuggingBear

I feel the same way sometimes. Hooking up with girls isn't the issue, the issue with me is when I start catching feelings. My SAD usually kicks in and it's good bye girl, happens everytime.

I'm more anxious around people that I know and am close with then with strangers.


----------



## Bloody Pit Of Horror

... now if I would only stop those weird stares like I want to abduct them and chain them to the bedposts... and drooling... 

:yes


----------



## Jeff

I use it as motivation in the gym.


----------



## Skuggs

First off, hey everyone, hope that you're all on the fast track to overcoming your problems. Me, not so much at the moment, as said subject is something that bugs me a good bit.

It mostly occurs at the gym. Just today, I saw an attractive girl and bang, deep breath and a sigh. Son of a *****. Now, I'm no slouch - I'm in good enough shape for most gals to take another look but, that even reminding myself of that does almost nothing. It's such a pain in the ***. Having a good day, and then presto, feeling useless, depressed, pathetic, and just completely lacking a set of testicles. 

My biggest issue is regret, and hurdling that jerk is something I just can't seem to do. I hate regret, and I constantly tell myself that I'll get over this and approach a girl or do that thing, whatever it may be, that I'm afraid of. It's such an exhausting, low, and tiresome feeling. 

I'm optimistic, but damn, what a pain in the *** loop its been. Well over a decade and almost zero progress. Where's that wonder drug?


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

The moment I've read the title of this topic I could immediately give you two examples. Weird.


----------



## HopefulDreamer

I do too, but for different reasons. I wish I could be as pretty. It doesn't seem to matter how much weight I lose. Since I don't have a pretty face, guys don't want me.


----------



## ApathyDivine

I get jealous, because I wish I could look like them


----------



## Jcloud14

I really hate seeing attractive guys. There's this huge part of me that wants to go up to them and talk to them, but there's an even bigger part of me saying "You idiot, do you really want to embarrass yourself and make him think you're a freak? It's not like he'd ever even look at you, just give up." So it pretty much becomes a hopeless situation. I also get jealous of attractive people, especially the ones with great social skills that everyone likes and everyone talks to. I can't help but feel a bit of resentment towards them, no matter how nice they may be


----------



## Slimeball

Yes this can make me extremely depressed. It can be a reminder of past heartbreaks and current isolation.


----------



## Matt g

These days I don't even borther to look at attractive girls. I avoid so I don't even have to deal with her having "control" over me. I feel that they expect to be checked out and I don't want it to inflate their ego anymore.


----------



## Ahmed 2

This happens to me all the time. I hate seeing attractive girls. I hope to go back home soon where girls are covered from strange men. 

I know what I wrote is totally wrong and it makes no sense but that What I feel honstly.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

Matt g said:


> These days I don't even borther to look at attractive girls. I avoid so I don't even have to deal with her having "control" over me. I feel that they expect to be checked out and I don't want it to inflate their ego anymore.


Yeah I'm with ya, I usually look away from people on the street and I just never make eye contact. But when I do make eye contact for some reason I get depressed. Not right away mind you. Actually I'm first happy that someone like that could make eye contact but than I start to think that somebody like that would never consider me. So about an hour later I'll be depressed.

As a side effect I always 'miss' people who I know. So it looks like I don't want to run into them. I had to counter this with an excuse so when it happens for the first time with somebody I'll just say I'm pretty much always in thoughts when wandering around.

FML


----------



## rdrr

Attractive people poop and bleed like you. People are more than just a pretty face. We all have differing personalities. An attractive person can be kind, sweet, smart, or gasp! they can be total arseholes. But it's OK because they are "hot". We put them on pedestals because society determines everything that looks good deserves more value. Unfortunately, it's all we have to go on until we find out their personality. That is why personality matters so much more than looks.


----------



## jmoop

Jcloud14 said:


> I really hate seeing attractive guys. There's this huge part of me that wants to go up to them and talk to them, but there's an even bigger part of me saying "You idiot, do you really want to embarrass yourself and make him think you're a freak? It's not like he'd ever even look at you, just give up." So it pretty much becomes a hopeless situation. I also get jealous of attractive people, especially the ones with great social skills that everyone likes and everyone talks to. I can't help but feel a bit of resentment towards them, no matter how nice they may be


This is me 100%. I see guys I consider attractive all the time but my mental blocks keep me from speaking to them. ("He's already spoken for." "He won't like a girl who looks like you." "He will be offended if you talk to him.")


----------



## elvin jones

No usually I feel great. Especially if our eyes meet for that brief second followed by a coy little smile. If I am feeling good that day I will try and talk to her. If I am in a hurry or feel tired I will just take it for what it is. A friendly smile by a stranger. No need to get upset, sad or obsess over a stranger. That would be silly.


----------



## Furious Ming

I've gotten so sick of seeing attractive girls that will never like me that I get more angry than depressed when I see them.


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

i get depressed w/attractive guys with submissive women.

I'm not the "submissive type".. but i noticed that it doesn't matter what those females look like, they get the gods.

I've noticed when a woman is confident, independent, and keeps herself up.. guys are more intimidated by her.

Get a submissive in the room, and i'll guarantee you, she'll get the guys.


----------



## BobtheBest

thinkstoomuch101 said:


> i get depressed w/attractive guys with submissive women.
> 
> I'm not the "submissive type".. but i noticed that it doesn't matter what those females look like, they get the gods.
> 
> *I've noticed when a woman is confident, independent, and keeps herself up*.. guys are more intimidated by her.
> 
> Get a submissive in the room, and i'll guarantee you, she'll get the guys.


Now this is the type of lady I like, I don't find submissiveness all that attractive.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Furious Ming said:


> I've gotten so sick of seeing attractive girls that will never like me that I get more angry than depressed when I see them.


This is how I've been feeling as of late. I don't even get depressed. I just want to go home so won't have to see them all the time, when I get home, I feel better.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

It is hard sometimes to see girls, they don't have to be "attractive" and wonder what their story is, wish to approach... but never actually do it.....


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Donnie in the Dark said:


> It is hard sometimes to see girls, they don't have to be "attractive" and wonder what their story is, wish to approach... but never actually do it.....


wat


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

BobtheSaint said:


> Now this is the type of lady I like, I don't find submissiveness all that attractive.


Wow! that's rare.

My best friend's wife was the "submissive type" at first - well.. until she got over here in the states, married him, and got her green card...:roll


----------



## Frozen In a StarryVoid

oh gosh this happens to me too, with guys (for the same reasons you get depressed seeing girls) but also with attractive girls out of envy/jealousy. I hate how jealous and inadequate I feel when I see someone that's everything I with I could be. As for the guys, it used to be really bad I would get so horribly depressed after seeing someone attractive..I still do but not as bad because I've shut myself off of ever having hope of having a bf and having the will to actually make it work out successfully

oh and p.s. the thing about how you don't go out much or have hobbies, some girls don't care about that stuff, me and my sister prefer people like that.


----------



## Freiheit

Yes. It makes me wish I looked like her.


----------



## buffguy780

Not depressed more like pissed off. They always walk around like such twats.


----------



## Matt g

My advice, again, don't look at them. It feeds their inflated sense of self-worth. It solves the depression, bitterness, anger, resentment, whatever emotion they envoke. I say this based on the fact that I myself sometimes get these so-called attractive girls to look at me and I would feel great for a bit that these types of girls would check out a loser like me with a sh***y personality. I'm not saying I'm highly attractive, I just have a good face with a really crappy body. Then I would get depressed later that I wouldn't ever have the balls to approach them. Seriously, I want them to think something is wrong with me that I won't check them out, or just I'm mature enough that I won't fall for their superficial glaze that makes men bend over backwards for them.


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

when i see a woman who is attractive, and keeps herself up. i have to give her props, and i do. I walk over and tell them, "hey, you're gorgeous!" Guys too! they like my confidence, and i usually get compliments back, or some really amazing conversation.

You'd be surprised at how many people don't feel as attractive as they let on.

For me, it totally defuses the situation.

But those "submissive" will always get the guy, i tell ya!!!:boogie


----------



## HackerZC

Oh yeah, HUGE trigger. I see some young, thin, attractive girl and think to myself "no one like that would ever want someone like me". It happens when I'm driving down the street, whenever I go anywhere, when I watch TV, watch a movie, look at a magazine, see a photo online, etc. 
It's always there, always an issue. :afr
What happens is that it causes me to hate myself and feel like complete garbage, and can even make me somewhat suicidal. 
The thing is I've actually had relationships with some extremely attractive girls, so I know it's not an impossibility, but it often feels impossible, especially since relationship stuff has been extremely screwed up for me over the past few years. 

I know some girls/women will look at stuff like this and think "how shallow" or "get over it", but I'm not sure what if anything we can do about it. Fact is we were raised being brainwashed to think a certain way. Told what to want, how to feel, etc. And of course when you can't achieve that ideal it ends up rally messing with your head, you end up obsessing over whatever it is you can't seem to have. It's intrusive as hell. 

Try not to feel bad because you think the way you do. You likely already feel bad enough as it is, believe me I know. It would be nice if we could find a way to turn this feeling off though. I know I wish I could.


----------



## HackerZC

Frozen In a StarryVoid said:


> oh gosh this happens to me too, with guys (for the same reasons you get depressed seeing girls) but also with attractive girls out of envy/jealousy. I hate how jealous and inadequate I feel when I see someone that's everything I with I could be. As for the guys, it used to be really bad I would get so horribly depressed after seeing someone attractive..I still do but not as bad because I've shut myself off of ever having hope of having a bf and having the will to actually make it work out successfully
> 
> oh and p.s. the thing about how you don't go out much or have hobbies, some girls don't care about that stuff, me and my sister prefer people like that.


It's weird that you mention "shutting yourself off" ie: learning to accept it
I have a FWB who is the same, she pretty much gave up on the idea of being with someone long before I ever met her. I have no idea how she (or you) do it though. I mean I know I tell myself "I'll never have..." a LOT... but I'm not sure I believe that 100% though. If I did, and I truly accepted I could NEVER have who I really want, I think I'd kill myself simply to avoid decades of continued frustration and pain, because to me living in an empty emotional hell is no life at all.
The hope that one day I COULD have who I want, no matter how slim the chance, is one of the few things that keeps me going. So yeah, I'm not sure I could ever just accept things... not really.


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## InfiniteBlaze

HackerZC said:


> The thing is I've actually had relationships with some extremely attractive girls, so I know it's not an impossibility


At least you can say that a hot girl actually would give you the time of day. I feel lucky if a hot girl taps me on the shoulder.


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## TheQuestion

Yes, happens to me all the time. I'll try my best to impress them but in the end, they fail to see the results, while ironically everyone else does, but I don't care about everyone else, I only wanted *her* to finally notice...


----------



## jvanb00c

I get like that but I wouldn't say I get depressed about it. Like today I was grocery shopping and I saw this beautiful woman passing by me but of course i knew i'd never in a million years have a chance with her. But by the time i left the store I had pretty much already forgotten about it.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

I feel depressed after getting a vibe from an attractive girl. You know that moment were you share a gaze for a second or two? Afterwards I slam my head against the wall for not going over to say hi.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

jayjaythejetplane said:


> You know that moment were you share a gaze for a second or two?


lol nope


----------



## SamtheScuttlefish

jayjaythejetplane said:


> I feel depressed after getting a vibe from an attractive girl. You know that moment were you share a gaze for a second or two? Afterwards I slam my head against the wall for not going over to say hi.


This, this so hard. The other week at a party a girl I sort of had a crush on sat down next to me when I wasn't dancing. It was obvious to both of us she wanted me to say something and I wanted to say something. She'd been dropping hints earlier and I completely screwed it up by having nothing to say.

Just being simply boring. Gotta figure out how to turn that around.


----------



## Tom90

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


This is exactly how i always feel around any attractive girls.


----------



## No Real Help

I'm guessing most people in this thread don't like being judged based solely on their looks, yet that's pretty much what you're doing when you get down about "attractive" people. I bet you wished these 10/10's would give you a chance, right? What about the normal looking girls? Do they not get extended the same courtesy you wish was given to you? They deserve a chance too. It goes both ways.

It is normal to compare yourself to other people, I get that. But look at the Member Photo's section on this very site; there's plenty of attractive people with the same problems as you and I. We are all human beings. I think we should all try improving ourselves instead of getting hung up on what we think is unobtainable. 

And if you're still going to worry about getting that "Megan Fox lookalike", at least use it as motivation or something to work towards; don't put yourself down because of it.


----------



## Ckg2011

I get depressed by seeing girls cause I am to scared to approach them. Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say. What could I say anyway? 

Hi my name is Chris and I live with my parents and I either have no job or a low paying one. Would like to go out sometime? 

I don't think that is going to work.

Life sucks.


----------



## GuyMontag

Ckg2011 said:


> I get depressed by seeing girls cause I am to scared to approach them. Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to say. What could I say anyway?
> 
> Hi my name is Chris and I live with my parents and I either have no job or a low paying one. Would like to go out sometime?
> 
> I don't think that is going to work.
> 
> Life sucks.


You're right.

The line from Seinfeld would not work.


----------



## Ckg2011

GuyMontag said:


> You're right.
> 
> The line from Seinfeld would not work.


 I am not as lucky as George Costanza. Nor am I on a tv show.


----------



## Farideh

I do feel embarrassed about myself whenever I would see a pretty girl..especially when my crush would be staring at her and forget that I'm even in the room. It sucks.


----------



## loneyakuza

OP, are you my long lost identical twin who shares brain waves with me?


----------



## Peter Attis

If you're a guy, I feel like seeing an attractive girl should *encourage* you, not depress you.

I'm starting to notice that whenever I see a lot of attractive girls, it makes me want to better myself so that maybe I can actually get one of them some day.


----------



## loneyakuza

Peter Attis said:


> If you're a guy, I feel like seeing an attractive girl should *encourage* you, not depress you.
> 
> I'm starting to notice that whenever I see a lot of attractive girls, it makes me want to better myself so that maybe I can actually get one of them some day.


The thing is, I have done quite a bit to improve myself, such as achieving a very muscular and strong body, especially for my height, and being able to lift pretty heavy weights for somebody 5'6" 163 lbs (two 90 lb dumbbells for benchpress x8, deadlift 400+ lbs, BB bicep curl 115 lbs max) and I have won two of my four full contact bare knuckle Kyokushin karate fights by KO. But guess what? Girls will reject me simply because of my height and race. They don't give a **** that I am talented. I am decent looking, but they still don't give you a chance. And now I have to deal with health issues that make a social life basically impossible.

So yes, seeing pretty girls definitely does make me depressed and angry at the same time, because I have achieved so much, and although I did most of it for my own satisfaction, part of me wants to be recognized, but people nowadays only like to put others down or pick out flaws, however small. And the fact is that because of my race, 95% of girls would reject me right away based on that factor alone.

But at the same time, like you said, it does help motivate you, except that in my case, my personal success is my personal form of revenge against this society that I hate with a passion.


----------



## shyguy01

I get this from time to time. I went out for dinner this week and the waitress who served us was gorgeous and over the course of the night I'd smile and say thanks when she refilled the drinks, even had a brief exchange about study. Now I'm sad cause I'll probably never see her again and won't get a chance to get to know her.

I think this kind of thing gets me down because I don't want to be single but I don't see it changing and I feel like I just need an opportunity, but that never seems to come.


----------



## awfulness

loneyakuza said:


> The thing is, I have done quite a bit to improve myself, such as achieving a very muscular and strong body, especially for my height, and being able to lift pretty heavy weights for somebody 5'6" 163 lbs (two 90 lb dumbbells for benchpress x8, deadlift 400+ lbs, BB bicep curl 115 lbs max) and I have won two of my four full contact bare knuckle Kyokushin karate fights by KO. But guess what? Girls will reject me simply because of my height and race. They don't give a **** that I am talented. I am decent looking, but they still don't give you a chance. And now I have to deal with health issues that make a social life basically impossible.
> 
> So yes, seeing pretty girls definitely does make me depressed and angry at the same time, because I have achieved so much, and although I did most of it for my own satisfaction, part of me wants to be recognized, but people nowadays only like to put others down or pick out flaws, however small. And the fact is that because of my race, 95% of girls would reject me right away based on that factor alone.
> 
> But at the same time, like you said, it does help motivate you, except that in my case, my personal success is my personal form of revenge against this society that I hate with a passion.


if you're going down the self improvement path, why not look into improving your game?

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/
http://www.youtube.com/user/SimplePickup

you can't really blame your race, that's definitely a factor but it's nothing that can't be overcome. just watch the simplepickup videos, a viet guy and an indian guy, both with negative racial stereotypes when it comes to girls, showing mad game.

do what you gotta do, but feeling angry and resigning to things you can't control isn't gonna do anything.


----------



## AngelClare

If that beautiful woman would only love me then maybe I could love myself. If people see me with her then they would think there must be something good about me. Like some fairy princess she can kiss me and transform me from an insecure little frog into a handsome prince.

Every society has their gods that they worship. The Greeks had Zeus and Apollo. We have the gods of beauty and celebrity--the stars. In Manhattan I see these towering billboards of beautiful half naked celebrities. I look up and see Rihanna naked lounging seductively saying, "Bow down and worship me!" 

I say, "No. You are a false god full of empty promises. I don't believe in you...anymore."


----------



## AngelClare

loneyakuza said:


> But guess what? Girls will reject me simply because of my height and race. They don't give a **** that I am talented.


I saw this gorgeous young blond girl on the train yesterday. She was cuddling with this old looking Asian guy. Maybe he was 5'7. I immediately thought of you. I guess that Asian guy doesn't realize that what he is doing is impossible. Lucky for him he doesn't know what you know.


----------



## Socialanxiety11

I'm depressed period.


----------



## TJenkins602

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


It's really similar with me. Sometimes, I get irritable. One time I was at Barnes and Noble reading a book. All of a sudden, this really fine lady walked past the hall that I was reading in. I glanced at her then went back to my business. She passed the hall again a few seconds later and went to a wall of books. She was in my peripheral vision. I immediately put my books up and just stormed out. LOL!

The interesting thing is that I am not afraid that she will say no. I am more afraid of a "yes." I believe that my issues will sabotage any possible relationship I may have with any woman. I go crazy, she has to suffer from my actions. As much as I have a crush on the pretty ladies, I want them to be with a good man and to live a safe and fulfilling life. Conquering my issues is a much greater priority to me.


----------



## akeanureevess

i get sad when i see anything that i want that i cant have because of sa. girls are huge but when i watch tv and people are just having fun with other people i get really sad


----------



## Griselda

One thing not to focus on is how wonderful another person's life is. Chances are- it's not. I'm considered attractive- not gorgeous, but good-looking, and though from time to time it can feel good, my issues of alienation and lack of trust cancel out the sense of belonging and positive life experiences one might expect. 
That said, I live in New York, and constantly see some of the most beautiful women and the world, and yes, it makes me want to crawl into a hole!


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Peter Attis said:


> If you're a guy, I feel like seeing an attractive girl should *encourage* you, not depress you.
> 
> I'm starting to notice that whenever I see a lot of attractive girls, it makes me want to better myself so that maybe I can actually get one of them some day.


We're more limited by our genes than you think. Just saying.


----------



## Cyclonic

I don't get depressed anymore when this happens. It's easier knowing they wouldn't be attracted to me anyway, so I shouldn't worry about it.


----------



## pkcrack97

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


I also have almost same feelings like @Badmonkey
:yes


----------



## pkcrack97

pkcrack97 said:


> I also have almost same feelings like @Badmonkey
> :yes


I think that if i could have any gfs , such -ve thoughts would stop persisting in my mind.


----------



## Kruge

I get sad when i see a couple together that is happy and appear to be in love. I fear that i will never find this because of SA.


----------



## sanspants08

Seeing happy people together makes me jealous but hopeful at the same time. Seeing one pretty girl being hit on by a whole room-full of men kinda gets me down because in that one moment my whole world is a sausage fest.


----------



## Angel Mendoza

theirs this girl in my class that I've like for the last 2 years but i never had the courage to say more than 2 words to her and every time the semester ends i always end up getting a class with her.Every time i see her now i just get sad knowing that ill never get a chance with her.


----------



## mentalfitness

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


I can't say that I've felt this way. Actually I feel great after seeing an attractive girl. To me, it seems that the fact that she's talking to me already uplifts me. I mean, I guess that's the reason why I feel pretty good after I get acknowledge by a hot chick. I mean it could be simple as them asking where the bathroom is or something stupid like that.

The story in your head is a habit. For things that make you feel depressed like this, you need to install new habits. Programs I guess. But like with anything it takes practice.


----------



## RonBurgundy

I think this problem is more of a male problem than female. I get intense rage/shame/embarassment of what is missing in my life when I see single attractive women or couples. I go out of my way not to make eye contact any attractive women because of the horrible negative effect it has on my confidence. With women, seeing an attractive guy (I think) is more of a vague shyness or not feeling worthy or something, not a feeling of dread that I feel. With me, it is like a horrible, desperate feeling in the pit of my stomach that I will never get another chance, and more years and decades in isolation will go by. 

I don't get guys who feel happy or fulfilled when an attractive girl smiles at them and shows recognition. It isn't just about sex, either. Yea, maybe she smiled at you, even though you don't know her, and she might not be the solution, she is WALKING OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER. It is freaking maddening. I have been with probably 2 attractive women (at least that other guys were attracted to) but this was about 10-15 years ago and both times I was not with the girl very long. Since then, I have had horrible luck, although there were at least 5-10 times that I can think of when attractive women even approached me and because of SA, I didn't respond in any normal way. I was completely convinced that any girl wouldn't be interested in me, especially after she realizes I have basically zero friends or social life, past girlfriends, full-time job/career, car, savings, or social skills.


----------



## undercover latino

i used to be like that too!, but then i started changing my mindset.

for example today i just went and bought something and the girl at the counter was very cute!, as i started talking to her i began to sweat (which sucks big time , and she probably thought i was nervous.. but i actually wasnt) anyhow.. we had a bit of a conversation, and well i tryed getting out of my comfort zone, i knew i was going to get rejected but i thought what the hell its time to change!, after she gave me my stuff i just said by the way you look very cute, and she just looked at me and said thank you and i just walked away.

then as i was walking away i saw this super hot cutie walking towards me then i got a text and as soon as i looked at my phone i quickly looked back to her and saw her checking me out, but as soon as i looked at her she pretended not to look at me (which i consider a +1 for myself towards my confidence) i thought of saying hello but i was still a little but shook up and sweaty from the previous encounter with the other girl.


----------



## Digital Dictator

Feeling depressed over seeing a girl you find attractive is exactly that, a state of being controlled by emotion. There is little or no logic behind it. It's absurd. Putting women on a higher pedestal not only makes you desperate, it turns them off from you. The game here is to not depend on others for your own happiness. Everyone has some inward beauty to them; you just have to look from within.


----------



## lost91

interesting thread. I mostly get a feeling of jealousy when I see an attractive girl with a not so good looking guy. I start to think "how did he get with her?". Getting glances/looks from the opposite sex gives me a jolt of confidence though.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

You describe me man, this is me. In malls there's so many attractive, hot , beautiful girls it just drives me nuts, crazy and depressed knowing that I cant get girls like that because of SAD. Whats even worse is you saw their boyfriends whos not aesthetic I always tell myself "wtf Im more aesthetic, good looking ,attractive" what in the world is happening to my life. This is such a ****ed up life its so sad, depressing man.

When I get glances,stares from girls who are scale 5 and up I get myself some confidence ego booster for a very short while, but wouldnt last long I end up being depressed coz of the realization of the fact that I wouldnt have a chance of getting girls coz I have no social life, friends, etc. Just wanna die and perish.:blank:|



Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

When i see an attractive girl, i tend to fantasies about us being together.


----------



## Forlorn415

I can definitely relate to this. Its very torturous indeed, its also the reason I tend to avoid going out and seeing the unattainable beauty walking around. I also tend to avoid or rapidly skip by posts and or pictures of the women I know on social network sites of them all made up for the night out on the town. There's even a couple I know who are aspiring to be models/actresses and their inundating pictures of their beauty or posts of good fortune and exciting experiences have me either borderline suicidal (I'm describing my feelings, I don't have any tenancies whatsoever) or wanting to rage! Because, I know they'd never even consider actually hanging out me. Even though there were some personality or intellectual connections on some posts or discussions, I try not to excite myself because it all end up being the same. Some guy who's either attractive, has connections to something, or has a lot of money says anything less than a sentence and the girl just goes nuts! "HEEY! WHEN ARE WE GONNA HANG OUT SWEETIE?!?!" And I'm like... *Delete my unacknowledged comment* or in the instances of in person *Nod, smile turn around and walk away* and rarely have I ever been noticed...

I understand I have some self confidence/esteem issues, which I attributed to my SA or vice versa, anyways. I'm not much of a looks guy simply because I know I'm not very attractive, I like adventures but am very introverted so it doesn't make me very interesting either unless its about like, nature, literature, movies, shows, etc. (stuff I enjoy in solitude), so I don't usually ever aim for attractive women. I simply get very nervous and anxious around regular women, because I really like them and seem more compatible to me but then somehow drop some kind of bombshell, like they talk about other guys or what they prefer in men which I don't fit in...

Anyways, all these experiences have really taken a toll on my thought processes and views. 

I know, I have to change my thought processes to help my SA and self esteem/confidence issues but then again how can I change my thought processes when there are no results or lack of positive reinforcement?

So it just very frustrating and depressing to see not only very beautiful women, but just everyday women and think "Am I even adequate? I live with my parents, I have a fancy business degree from a great private university, I'm unemployed and have no idea what to work in, I'm quite the prospect! Pshhh... Would she even give me the time of day? I would be the friendzone guy, she's always on the phone, she must be popular, how would she even have time for me? She has so many guys around her, how am I any different? etc. etc." 

In sum, I just feel that I love women so much, but they don't ever love me back...


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## Kalliber

I have not really.. cuz I don't get too down


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## handsup

Yesss I feel so depressed for it... (for the last 6 months).

This is why I don't want to go out anymore, damn!


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## NoHeart

Only when I see this particular girl, just feeling bad for missing another opportunity to talk to her.


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## Wulfgar

yeah it depresses me because I know if I approach a girl she'll show little interest and even if she DOES show interest, some other guy will probably just appear out of f**king nowhere and start being an arrogant douche and impress her by being an a**hole towards me and then i'll leave and they'll hit it off and become friends and every once in a while they'll reminisce about the time they first met and laugh in mutual disdain of me as they crack jokes about how I tried to flirt with her but failed.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Yes, and no.

I've had, and still have, friends who are super attractive girls. So I know that there are girls out there who look nice and _are_ nice, as well.

However, I don't get angry, but I do get depressed after meeting a new cute girl. Because I know I would never measure up. I'm too geeky to get them, it's like Leonard and Penny from The Big Bang Theory (and we all know that's fiction, because a real life relationship like that would never work.)


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## Adversid

Just a while ago I got approached by who I thought was the most attractive girl in my school. I normally don't talk to anyone being the avoidant person I am, and all of a sudden while I was working on art after school - boom - she, with her immaculately proportioned face actually calls my name and starts talking about my art seeming sooo interested in it, and all I could do was jitter and spew out a bunch of stupid sounding crap. I didn't even know she knew who I was! I was left with a depressed lump in my chest for the next couple hours. Somehow, I knew I could change myself to not brush people off all the time, rationalizing my emotions, but it's just so difficult to get over something like that, and going back to my reclusive, mundane, routine life. It's the worst feeling in the world, especially when you know a relationship wouldn't work out anyway.


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## Der Ubermensch

Kon said:


> I used to have "appearance anxiety" but never with girls. It was with better looking guys (if they had a better physique). I have this picture in my mind of the perfect male physique (see attachment-it's clean, it's not porn). My whole life I tried to reach as close as possible to that physique. I never could but I tried. If I seen anybody that had a physique closer to that, I would feel like crap and would hit the gym like a madman. Is this part of SAD or BDD or just physical appearance anxiety? My mother has it, also and she did criticize me when I was younger because I was skinny.


Ha, funny you should mention that, when I was young I was told I was skinny (I really was but that's not the point) all the time and even called ugly on many occasions. Now I'm like you, trying to reach to have a great body and muscles, I guess on some level I think that I'm still a kid and skinny as ****. I sometimes think I'm acting like a girl cause it seems mostly girls care so much about their figure...:blank


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## Warlyum

I'm happy that I found this post. But also sad for the fact that more people out there feel this. Lately, it's grtting worse. I've been in a relationship for 6 years and for the last 5 i've been dealing with depression and anxiety. My gf works as a life guard at a beach and when I can, I meet her there to be with here. The problem is when there's hot girls around. I start feeling so sad I can't even describe. As sad as if I were having a panic attack. I font know hoe to deal with this. It's messing up my whole life and relationship. She's the only girls I've ever been with.


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## Failure by Design

I would say in a way it does depress me to see a an attractive girl. The thing I find myself saying in my head every time I see a cute girl is "I cant even image what it would be like to be with a girl like that"
Heck I cant even image what it would to be a friend to a girl like that.


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## lily2121

I literally understand everything you said in this post.


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## sunsol5

Badmonkey said:


> I wonder if this happens to other people here.
> 
> (I can't edit the title, so I apologize to the females. This topic can obviously relate to both guys and girls)
> 
> I will frequently get very depressed after seeing a very attractive girl in my everyday life. It can be on a bus, street, mall (that's where it happens the most).
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling of jealousy when you see people with good social skills, or people who have lots of friends.
> In this case, there's also the beauty factor and the whole 'not being able to be with someone like her' issue.
> 
> The second I see a girl, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that I know for sure that in 5 seconds I will not see her again and won't be able to approach her. Forever. (and its not like if i had more time then i would have the courage to approach her. It's not that. It's more the feeling when you know that's there's no second chance. Hard to explain). Anyway, that's the first pinch.
> The second thing I do to make myself feel even worse is, I build up this story in my head about how great her life is - parties, friends, relationships etc. And then I think about my life.
> 
> And last but not least - the worst of them all: I think to myself that even if I did get a chance go out with someone like her, I would probably die of anxiety during the date. I can just picture her asking me: "so, where do you like to go out?" - me: "I don't really go out that much. I mostly stay home on the Internet". Hmmm, exciting.
> 
> But mostly, it's this depression that stays with me a couple of hours after I had seen the girl, and how I would give up EVERYTHING just to be with her and have the chance to show her that I'm a good guy.


This reply may come a little late but hopefully it can help. I am thirty years old and still expierence anxiety when seeing a really beautiful girl like you. I believe the anxiety stems not only from a lack of expierence and confidence with conversing and approaching woman in general which our society and upbringing can be mostly to blame for; but also from not having enough value to bring to the table such as financial security, close friendships, passions/hobbies, job that you enjoy..and so on. The worst forms of no-approach remorse for me come from when I look at a girl and realize that she fits my ideal perfection of beauty like I could be excited to wake up to her every day. Not just in her looks but in the way that she smiles, facial expressions, and overall aura if you will. This is a very rare thing and I believe when I neglect this my body makes me miserable knowing that not approaching acted as an inhibitor to the survival of my genes to healthy mate who I was genetically drawn to so that i don't miss out on the opportunity again. There have been a few times when I just mustered up the courage to talk to the girl just to get out of my head and it's amazing how quick the anxiety went away. If you don't know what to say just begin small by asking them for the time or do you know where something is, or you look familiar do I know you from somewhere? It's hardly about what you say but more about showing confidence and interest by approaching.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2Milk

I usually feel depressed after encountering a tall man. I'm only 5'4 so every time a 6'4 man talks to me I feel completely worthless and unworthy of being alive.


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## bobbythegr8

*lulz*


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## unemployment simulator

the worst thing is when I see or come across a girl I really like and she has zero interest. my mere presence makes her feel repulsed.


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## CopadoMexicano

ive been feeling like that for twelve years


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## odetoanoddity

I was feeling low last week because of this precise reason. I am prone to comparing and despairing myself against other women. Whenever I'm out and about and see an attractive woman, I'll marvel at her beauty and wonder why I can't look like that. Great hair, good skin, pretty features... Sometimes it doesn't affect me so much, but last week it did.

Even when I was in relationships, I'd look at women and wonder if my partner would fancy her, choose her and leave me.

It's an insecurity I'm trying to fight against.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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