# It feels so good to be anxiety-free, FINALLY



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm finally at a point where my anxiety isn't constantly weighing down on me. I no longer wake up in the morning with that heavy feeling in my chest. I don't panic when I'm sitting in a restaurant talking with someone. What finally changed in me? It was uncovering every insecurity that was causing my anxiety, and learning how to address each one.

Looks:


Big nose *(not as "big" a deal to me anymore)*
Acne *(fighting this with ACV/TTO regimen)*
Weakening hair *(might try thickening products or else just keep it buzzed)*

Social:


Sound of my voice *(practicing techniques to eliminate nasality)*
Disappointing my parents *(standing up to them)*
Behaving inappropriately *(letting go of always acting well behaved)*
Letting my true personality show *(giving myself permission to be me)*
Saying something edgy/funny *(learning to be uninhibited around others)*
Saying something stupid/childish *(same as above)*
People finding out about my issues *(convincing myself it's okay to be open)*

It's still a battle in certain situations. Certain people that I see and certain places I revisit sometimes bring back bad memories that re-trigger the anxiety, but this is the most clear minded I've ever been. Concentrating on how these insecurities affect me in these moments is doing wonders reducing my anxiety. I can remember things quicker. My mind isn't preoccupied with worry, so I have more room to think of things to say in a conversation. I no longer feel like I'm tied to a ball and chain every time I go out. It's so relieving.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Congratulations! I hope you continue to make triumphs over anxiety. :]


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

That's great. Did you use a CBT book or therapist? or just on your own?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

AceEmoKid said:


> Congratulations! I hope you continue to make triumphs over anxiety. :]


Thanks :]



Sunshine009 said:


> That's great. Did you use a CBT book or therapist? or just on your own?


Exposure, meditation, and deep, deep thinking.

After just watching the movie Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn, this quote expresses how I feel right now:



> I have learnt how to live... How to be In the world and Of the world, and not just to stand aside and watch. And I will never, never again run away from life. Or from love, either...


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## soupbasket (Oct 24, 2012)

Sounds wonderful. Good for you! Keep it up.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

awsome  keep it up


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

soupbasket said:


> Sounds wonderful. Good for you! Keep it up.





illmatic1 said:


> awsome  keep it up


Thank you so much guys!


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## my3rdmolars (Nov 23, 2012)

Wow, freedom! Congratulations


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Did you start going out with a chick?


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## cautious (Jun 1, 2012)

Congrats!
Here's to happy days. :clap


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## Brasilia (Aug 23, 2012)

Duuuude I'm so proud of what you're doing. I too want to make a positive difference to my life, I don't want to be like this forever. I agree with your bullet points and can really relate to some of them - Keep it up :yes


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## socialdrugs (Jan 26, 2012)

Congratulations!


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

I am working myself into a anxiety free state of mind too. Keep up the good work!


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## msimone52 (Feb 24, 2012)

congrats keep up the good work


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## ilana (Nov 5, 2012)

Congratulations.


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## Chilantree (Nov 14, 2012)

congratulations. Wish I can be like you


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Congrats! Keep on progressing!


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## On5thThought (Jul 15, 2012)

Congrats to you!!! Like you said, the place I'm current at also is dealing with people from my past that brings on the anxiety all over again......how do you cope with this?


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## godhelpme2 (Apr 4, 2012)

congratulations. mine is 99% gone now, and it's so amazing. I can easily talk to anyone with little worry of their judgement. my life has been amazing lately.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

godhelpme2 said:


> congratulations. mine is 99% gone now, and it's so amazing. I can easily talk to anyone with little worry of their judgement. my life has been amazing lately.


Yea, it feels amazing. Like suddenly, the thought of socializing is exciting and fun. All the jealousy and resentment I used to have towards people has turned into appreciation and admiration. What's crazy is I can't even relate to my past ways of thinking or empathize with socially anxious people as well as I used to. It's like I'm living in an alternate universe.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

Congrats. I wish I will achieve the same one day.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

was it a continuos journey with efforts or did it come naturally?
what do people think of you now? do people react differently than what you used to think?

by the way, congrats


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

louiselouisa said:


> was it a continuos journey with efforts or did it come naturally?
> what do people think of you now? do people react differently than what you used to think?
> 
> by the way, congrats


Thanks

It was years of putting myself out there in social situations. A lot of reflecting. Being mindful of every feeling and negative thought. Recording myself having conversations. Uncovering my insecurities. And also what I rant about in this post: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/you-dont-lack-confidence-221423/#post1060596754

The way people react to me now is like night and day. People seem more comfortable and excited to talk to me. It's like I used to be a brick wall, but now I'm more fun to be around.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

were you afraid to let people see you changed?

I'm still afraid to let people (the ones who see me as quiet) know I'm not as painfully quiet as they used to know. you mentioned certain people trigger your anxiety, are they people who used to see you as quiet or something else? if it's the former, how do you plan to cope with that?

btw, that's a good post. not afraid to voice your opinion is definitely a key.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

louiselouisa said:


> were you afraid to let people see you changed?
> 
> I'm still afraid to let people (the ones who see me as quiet) know I'm not as painfully quiet as they used to know. you mentioned certain people trigger your anxiety, are they people who used to see you as quiet or something else? if it's the former, how do you plan to cope with that?
> 
> btw, that's a good post. not afraid to voice your opinion is definitely a key.


Great question louise.

This was definitely a major hurdle for me. I like to call it the self-fulfilling prophecy issue. For many years I felt ashamed of being myself around others. I failed terribly at trying to fit in, time and time again. Once people pegged me as quiet, shy, in-my-head, and pissed off looking, I completely allowed their false conceptions of me become "true".

In order to get through this barrier, I convinced myself that I was awesome the way I was. I learned to accept and love myself. In the face of those who made me feel inferior, I had to let my true nature come out. I was willing to drop my ego and risk embarrassing myself in order to reconnect with the real me. The funniest thing is, people who knew me as being typically awkward, didn't react strangely to me "coming alive". Instead they reacted extremely positive to my new behavior. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to break the self-fulfilling prophecy. People will immediately forget how socially awkward you used to be, even if you were that way around them for years. It's just easier for people to adjust to something they find enjoyable and refreshing than something debilitating and negative.

I just have to keep believing in me.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> In order to get through this barrier, I convinced myself that I was awesome the way I was. I learned to accept and love myself. In the face of those who made me feel inferior, I had to let my true nature come out. *I was willing to drop my ego and risk embarrassing myself in order to reconnect with the real me*. The funniest thing is, people who knew me as being typically awkward, didn't react strangely to me "coming alive". Instead they reacted extremely positive to my new behavior. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to break the self-fulfilling prophecy. People will immediately forget how socially awkward you used to be, even if you were that way around them for years. It's just easier for people to adjust to something they find enjoyable and refreshing than something debilitating and negative.


That's quite difficult and takes a lot of willpower and courage.


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## Blueshine (Oct 26, 2012)

Everything you say makes sense. It is our own perceptions of ourselves that ruin interaction. If you can break free of that.. that's amazing.
It is so important to keep exposing yourself to these situations so it can become more and more natural. I hope others will feel encouraged to try and break free of their own self-hatred as well. It's all inside of you.
Keep at it!


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

Good on you buddy, thats awesome. I like how you dot pointed the places where anxiety springs from, as opposed to just focusing on the phobia itself. I think people just hit a brick wall if they don't actually have a basic understand of why it is happening or why it exists. And for everybody on the planet, its harder to face ourselves and easier to believe something like a theory of genetics.

Anyway keep it up!


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I'm finally at a point where my anxiety isn't constantly weighing down on me. I no longer wake up in the morning with that heavy feeling in my chest. I don't panic when I'm sitting in a restaurant talking with someone. What finally changed in me? It was uncovering every insecurity that was causing my anxiety, and learning how to address each one.
> 
> Looks:
> 
> ...


:yay:yay:yay


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Great question louise.
> 
> This was definitely a major hurdle for me. I like to call it the self-fulfilling prophecy issue. For many years I felt ashamed of being myself around others. I failed terribly at trying to fit in, time and time again. Once people pegged me as quiet, shy, in-my-head, and pissed off looking, I completely allowed their false conceptions of me become "true".
> 
> ...


I *think* people who already knew me would perceive me as weird but maybe that's because I'm not ready yet. becoming more open and trying to be more approachable are something hard for me to keep it going. not sure if I can keep it up. I know though, it's all in my head, it's just hard to break the habit and prepare for the unknown outcomes. although none of people's reactions were negative so far but it's like you haven't gotten used to it. yeah, in the end I think I should just believe in myself.

oh right, how about relapse?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

louiselouisa said:


> I *think* people who already knew me would perceive me as weird but maybe that's because I'm not ready yet. becoming more open and trying to be more approachable are something hard for me to keep it going. not sure if I can keep it up. I know though, it's all in my head, it's just hard to break the habit and prepare for the unknown outcomes. although none of people's reactions were negative so far but it's like you haven't gotten used to it. yeah, in the end I think I should just believe in myself.
> 
> oh right, how about relapse?


Because there are so many factors contributing to anxiety, relapse is inevitable. To feel anxiety free one day and expect that to last a whole month is an unrealistic view to have. I visualize it like a stock market graph. Anxiety levels are going to be up and down, but as long as I remain determined to reducing it over the long run and not freak out whenever there's a relapse, my anxiety levels will keep on a downward slope.










As an update, I want to say that I'm still making progress, but anxiety is the least of my worries.

I've been delving deeper into the subject of introvert energy levels and how to properly manage them in different circumstances. I just bought this book which came out a week ago:










The author explains practical ways to balance socialization and solitude. I think everyone who suffers from social anxiety should focus far less on anxiety and more on how introversion affects them. 93.7% of social phobics are introverts. The author also writes about managing energy levels in her blog:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201212/energy-management-hell-week-edition


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

yeah, it won't go away in a day but sometimes I think I haven't made any progress at all. I know I just gotta think positive, but the feeling is there. or maybe I'm just lazy to force myself.

is that book good?


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

louiselouisa said:


> were you afraid to let people see you changed?
> 
> I'm still afraid to let people (the ones who see me as quiet) know I'm not as painfully quiet as they used to know. you mentioned certain people trigger your anxiety, are they people who used to see you as quiet or something else? if it's the former, how do you plan to cope with that?


Yeah, that's a very important thing to mention.

Often, even if you feel you CAN change... you feel like you've been pigeon-holed and you CAN'T change because it would seem strange and no one would "accept" it.

It's hard to say how much of it makes sense and how much of it is just an excuse for us to go with the path of least anxiety, but it's definitely a big factor in recovery.

Myself, I've lost contact with everyone for the past... 5.5 years or so.

So I've been thinking... at least if I did get back in contact with people, everyone would be a BIT different and such things would be expected and if I did act differently it would at least be quite understandable.
Then a part of me is afraid that I'd just slip back into the same old bull**** as before...
But that's probably just the kind of defeatist belief that anxiety is all about.



ManOfFewWords said:


> People will immediately forget how socially awkward you used to be, even if you were that way around them for years. It's just easier for people to adjust to something they find enjoyable and refreshing than something debilitating and negative.


I remember once or twice when this kind of subject came up before, my dad said "It's not how you were... it's who you are." or something like that. I guess I wasn't terrible convinced at the time, but I suppose it's true enough.



ManOfFewWords said:


> Because there are so many factors contributing to anxiety, relapse is inevitable. To feel anxiety free one day and expect that to last a whole month is an unrealistic view to have. I visualize it like a stock market graph. Anxiety levels are going to be up and down, but as long as I remain determined to reducing it over the long run and not freak out whenever there's a relapse, my anxiety levels will keep on a downward slope.


Yeah, I think that it's it. That's exactly it.

If I look at my OCD during my life... it's been very very much up and down. Sometimes I've been much better, but then I've gone back to being maybe as bad as ever, but on the whole... I've been heading toward the right direction and that's the most important thing.

Of course... then that doubting part of your mind comes in and says "Yes... but how long is it going to take to get properly better? Will it be too late?".
And I guess there's a certain sense of balance to be attained between being satisfied that you're going the right way and not getting complacent.


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I'm finally at a point where my anxiety isn't constantly weighing down on me...What finally changed in me? It was uncovering every insecurity that was causing my anxiety, and learning how to address each one.


 That's great!
Also, you're a really good poster and I agree with a lot of your perspectives in this thread. I'm going to reread this from time to time to keep on the right track, so thank you.



> Concentrating on how these insecurities affect me in these moments is doing wonders reducing my anxiety.


 I don't really understand how that works. How would concentrating on the effects of your insecurities help to reduce anxiety?



godhelpme2 said:


> mine is 99% gone now, and it's so amazing. I can easily talk to anyone with little worry of their judgement. my life has been amazing lately.


 Congratulations.
How did you improve? Was your approach similar to MOFW's?



ManOfFewWords said:


> It was years of putting myself out there in social situations. A lot of reflecting. Being mindful of every feeling and negative thought. *Recording myself having conversations.* Uncovering my insecurities. And also what I rant about in this post: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/you-dont-lack-confidence-221423/#post1060596754
> 
> The way people react to me now is like night and day. People seem more comfortable and excited to talk to me. It's like I used to be a brick wall, but now I'm more fun to be around.


 I liked the post you linked, it's really similar to how I think. What was the set-up for recording yourself have a conversation? Video blog style just talking into a camera or did you just keep a recorder in your pocket? I might want to try something like that.



ManOfFewWords said:


> Once people pegged me as quiet, shy, *in-my-head*, and pissed off looking, I completely allowed their false conceptions of me *become "true"*.


 :yes 


Blueshine said:


> Everything you say makes sense. It is our own perceptions of ourselves that ruin interaction. If you can *break free of that*.. that's amazing.
> It is so important to keep exposing yourself to these situations so it can become more and more natural. I hope others will feel encouraged to try and break free of their own *self-hatred* as well. It's all inside of you.
> Keep at it!


 If "self-hatred" was involved wouldn't you need to first truly convince yourself of a different perspective, before you could snap out of it? Trying to change your own mind seems tricky.



Hamtown said:


> I think people just hit a brick wall if they don't actually have a basic understand of why it is happening or why it exists. And for everybody on the planet, its harder to face ourselves and *easier to believe something like a theory of genetics.*


Agree. Also regardless if a genetic predisposition exist for a individual, I think effort made to improve a condition could still have a significant benefit. I know what you mean though, many seem to look for reasons to stop trying.



louiselouisa said:


> I know though, it's all in my head, it's just *hard to break the habit* and prepare for the unknown outcomes. although none of people's reactions were negative so far but it's like you *haven't gotten used to it*. yeah, in the end I think I should just believe in myself.


 Definitely, I find it very easy to stay the same. Breaking the habit seems to require a lot of effort to make any significant changes.



SVIIC said:


> Often, even if you feel you CAN change... you feel like you've been pigeon-holed and you CAN'T change because it would seem strange and no one would "accept" it.


Yeah, I wonder about that sometimes. I've felt pressure to be consistent, with the personality shown most often.



> So I've been thinking...if I did act differently it would at least be quite understandable.Then a part of me is afraid that I'd just slip back into the same old bull**** as before...But that's probably just the kind of *defeatist belief* that anxiety is all about.


 This could have a lot to do with it. Such beliefs can cause hesitation then eventually inaction/no change.



> "It's not how you were... it's who you are." or something like that. I guess I wasn't terrible convinced at the time, but I suppose it's true enough.


 I agree with that. At least with that perspective there is no need to always compare back to past behavior, then decide how to be(what a way to waste energy). The be "who you are" perspective is much more fluid, where a anxious individual would be very restricted.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

SVIIC said:


> Yeah, that's a very important thing to mention.
> 
> Often, even if you feel you CAN change... you feel like you've been pigeon-holed and you CAN'T change because it would seem strange and no one would "accept" it.
> 
> ...


very true. I've been wondering how do I make myself better since I'm in college and I was like very quiet during the first years. I do think that I still feel that way means I'm still not anxiety-free. I guess people can't change completely after all and even if they can, it needs a darn long time. not to mention feeling anxious is perfectly natural. but the fact former classmates still make me anxious and I still feel like everyone is connected to each other, for some reason, kinda frustrate me.

yeah, I think it'd be easier if you moved to a new environment and forced yourself to get involved in any kind of interactions and then everyone would just assume you changed. gladly, I meet different people every semester.


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

louiselouisa said:


> I guess people can't change completely after all and even if they can, it needs a darn long time.


Yes... I think lately anyway, I've been very much thinking that sometimes it seems to require a lot of time to realize certain things, or to really manage to work through some problems or discard some old ideas and really move onto better ones.

Whether it's from me still being relatively young and they do say the brain develops well into the 20s... or just something more general, I do think that time has been a big factor in WHAT I BELIEVE, or HOPE, to be some genuine improvements in my thoughts and feelings in the last few years (mostly the last 6 months really... I think something clicked).

What I mean is... even when you learn things or realize things or read things and truly accept that they make sense and they're the right thing to do/think, it often still takes a lot of time to really... "understand" or "feel" those things for yourself. I think that's very important too. You maybe need some kind of personal angle or personal realization to drive these points home and truly accept them.
Hard to explain exactly... and I don't mean exactly one day you think "OH! It was worse for me to act so afraid and defensive than if I'd simply been myself and suffered the minor problems coming from that!". Not like that. Maybe more like... having to almost independently discover these things that you've already known about before it becomes real.

Am I making sense?

It's just that I've known for a long time that I shouldn't care so much about things and that my worrying about stuff (even worry I could probably have controlled to an extent...) was clearly making things much worse than they almost possibly could've otherwise been, but it still didn't let me act any differently or be any less self-conscious.

After some time... time where nothing even particularly significant happened (as in, more the time rather than anything that filled the time), I think or I hope that I'm significantly better with that now. This despite just essentially going around the same circles again and again.

Maybe it just takes time to crack sometimes, I don't know. Like if you feel you've hit rock bottom, that's sometimes the time when it's easiest to make improvements. I always found it that way with OCD too anyway... it was when things got unbearable that I'd crack and get motivation, but worst was when I'd been relatively good for a while and went on the rebound... when things aren't unbearably bad you can make excuses.

Another ramble, but I find rambling hard to avoid when talking about things that require such precise detail :yes.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

Good for you man, at least you were strong enough to do it. I don't have what it takes


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