# Zombie Sheep is gonna get a date LOL! (yeah right)



## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Hi again everybody! 

I'm sick and tired of ranting about how lonely I am. So, I've finally decided to man up and actually join some dating sites. I've been putting this off for years - always telling myself I'm not ready. Need to be a better person first. Need to get over my phobias. That's because I'm a freaking moron!

That, my friends, is LOSER TALK! No longer am I going to sit here feeling sorry for myself, drowning my sorrows in fortified lager, listening to the bedsprings creaking as the neighbours downstairs have annoyingly noisy sex. Oh no, I'm actually going to do something about it. Admittedly, entirely using the interweb like the irredeemable social coward that I am - but it's a start right? Right? :yes

This may, of course, sound very lame to some people here. Try and remember - this is my WORST social fear. I'd rather give a speech on quantum mechanics naked in front of an audience of thousands than go on a date with a woman. This is gonna suck b*lls, I'm not kidding myself, but what else can I do? Spend the rest of my life on here venting? NEVER!

I'm getting my dad to photo me tommorrow, then I'll be set. 

Wish me luck!


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## scrotobaggins (Oct 10, 2009)

Right on mate, that's the spirit I like to see!

And it's not lame at all, man - online dating is pretty common nowadays. No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed at all.

I wish you luck with it, and I wanna' hear success stories!

And who knows, you might even meet a woman who enjoys listening to someone talk about quantum mechanics naked... there's a sexual fantasy for everything


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

scrotobaggins said:


> Right on mate, that's the spirit I like to see!
> 
> And it's not lame at all, man - online dating is pretty common nowadays. No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed at all.
> 
> ...


Cheers pal! 

Don't hold your breath for any success stories though... It's gonna take a long time and a lot of venting by me on the 'Frustration' forum before I even get a date - if I even ever do.

I've just been skim-reading some 'pick up artist' guides online - and I've just realised how far up sh!t creek I actually am. God those books are DEPRESSING! Women, apparently, only go for uber-confident, successful, witty alpha males. Hmmm - could I be any *less* like those guys?

'Nice Guys Suck and Women Hate Them' - that was actually the title of one of the books! OMG I'm so super-screwed when it comes to this sort of thing it's not even funny - I'm just praying I can find somebody who's *really* desperate...

Still, thanks for believing in me though man! I can do this! It's not like I'm fussy!


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## scrotobaggins (Oct 10, 2009)

Man, don't fall into that mumbo jumbo. It is true that a lot of women like alpha male types, but there's also a lot of women who don't. Most alpha male types are narcissistic douchebags anyway - those are the kind of cocky guys that a lot of women hate. Yes, they have the confidence that a lot of us wish we had, but that's something that we can work on. You don't have to turn into a douchebag to have confidence!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't give those kinds of books a looksee too, but that's not where you should be looking for advice - it's not legit (in my opinion). It's such an easy way to make money - I mean, come on, what guy doesn't want to meet more women? It's a genius strategy on the authors' part, and a LOT of guys DO buy those kinds of books. But, I personally think it's a load of crap.

But man, a lot of women move on to dating sites because they want to meet a nice guy. A lot of them are sick of the bar scene and meeting douchewads who only want them for sex. You'll definitely see a lot of women users with headlines like "where are all the good guys at?", that kind of thing. Deep down inside, I think most women want guys like us. I mean, who doesn't want to meet a nice person? It seems silly to want to be with someone who's a turd burglar. We're just afraid to be ourselves and let loose, so people just think we're boring. Well we're not! And I don't think there's such a thing as 'too nice'. Being nice is an amazing trait to have, and eventually, a lot of women are going realize that it's guys like us that they want.

So don't give in to all that crap. I believe in you!


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Scrotobaggins (s******, sorry - that's still the best name ever) - thanks, that was a quality post! :clap 

You know what? (sorry to rant btw)...

F*** those sleazeballs and their pathetic bullsh!t pua headf***ology. F*** them right in the eye! I'm not lining the pockets of those r-tarded jock a***holes, I'm not buying a single one of their creepy little books, and I'm gonna make a point of going on these websites and... Shock horror... Being myself! 

It's called having INTEGRITY - a concept all these manipulative little bedpost-notching, woman-hating scumbags don't seem to understand.

Too bl00dy right feller, thanks. I'm sick of all this total cr*p about how only d!ckholes get laid, and I'm not falling for it. Beta males rule! 

Cheers! That's given me a lot of confidence!


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

LOL! I typed in s-n-i-g-g-e-r and it starred out the last six letters... I wonder why that was...


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## scrotobaggins (Oct 10, 2009)

Right on mate, that's what I like to hear! And don't give up! It's so easy to feel discouraged and walk away, but you gotta' be patient. Perseverance shows that you know what you want and that you aren't afraid to go for it, regardless of the obstacles - women definitely like that. So keep at it man!

Good luck mate! :boogie


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Good for you for trying. And as good as giving a speech on quantum mechanics naked in front of an audience of thousands sounds...It'd probably be better to go on a date.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

Good luck ZS! :boogie


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## fhoadv (Oct 3, 2009)

Go get them Zombie Sheep! Good luck.

:clap


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Wow! Thanks for being so nice! :clapYou really are all friendly, kind, tolerant and thoughtful people! Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise! 

My mate came round this afternoon, but he left early... So I still have time to get round my folks and get that picture taken... Gotta hurry tho, so I'll be off asap. 

Anyway, cheers again!


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Good luck!

I joined a dating site recently but haven't talked to anyone on it as I'm don't want to make the leap of actually being a paid member and being able to contact people. Though someone sent me a message on it and I can't read it without paying. Boo. 

Again, good luck!


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## KyleThomas (Jul 1, 2009)

Zombie Sheep said:


> Wow! Thanks for being so nice! :clapYou really are all friendly, kind, tolerant and thoughtful people! Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise!
> 
> My mate came round this afternoon, but he left early... So I still have time to get round my folks and get that picture taken... Gotta hurry tho, so I'll be off asap.
> 
> Anyway, cheers again!


Good luck, Mr Sheep!


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

jellybelly - Cheers!  Umm... If there's actually a guy trying to meet you - shouldn't you shell out? He might be a really nice feller! Worth a fiver or whatever it is for a month right?

Anyway, thanks a lot for your kind words... Like I say, this isn't exactly something I'm gonna find easy, so fair play to you and everybody else for being so encouraging!

KyleThomas - 
:boogie:thanks:boogie

I'll need it! :yes

Got my photos now... Signing up 2moro - OMG! :afr


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

I've considered doing this but am terrified of what I consider to be the inevitable collapse when she finds out I don't have a -single- friend.


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

hey, I have read some of your posts. You seem like a friendly person. Good luck with the dating.


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

Good luck, we're all rooting for you. Just remember that you have nothing to lose.


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

meyaj said:


> I've considered doing this but am terrified of what I consider to be the inevitable collapse when she finds out I don't have a -single- friend.


I'll be your friend. I actually count as 5 friends...I'm really good at it. :yes

Good luck, bud!


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Good luck Zombie Sheep. A person with that username has got to be interesting


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

Good luck


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Wow, thanks again everyone! 

:yay Zombie Sheep loves you all! Mwah! xxx :yay

I am actually, atm, filling out a big personality test thing for eHarmony UK, and checking this site every now and again. Course, it's 12:30 am here though, so it might be a while before any of the women on the site actually get out of bed... Lol, how am I gonna tell them I don't even have a job! :afr

MeyaJ - If you want to, go for it! I've got a *very* embarassing secret that's gonna take a bit (well, a lot) of explaining. TBH this secret is so embarassing it's probably worse than not having a friend. I only have one mate anyway. So don't let that stop you! 

JMX - Cheers! Lol, btw, there is something I could lose... :blush Hope I do though! 

Veron/BowlingPins - Thanks to you guys too. You're both really kind for offering me such encouragement! 

:thanks


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Meee said:


> Good luck


Cheers pal! I'll need it!


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Hi! 

Just an update for anybody who cares... I've joined two sites now, wasted hours of my life filling out profiles and tests... And found 1 - yes, count them, 1 person I'd actually like to meet. I've sent her a bunch of questions but I guess I'll have to wait ages to see if she replies - if she ever does. She lives in Scotland too, that's gonna cost me.

The rest are so far out of my league it's not even funny... I mean, ffs, all I'm looking for is one fat, ugly bird... Is that really too much to ask? I mean, surely a net dating site is the place you'd *expect* to find them?

Damnit, since when did attractive, popular, confident people start clogging up internet dating sites? It's ludicrous - it's like filling a hospital with people who aren't sick, or filling a mental asylum with people who aren't nuts. Net dating is supposed to be for social misfits! Why the hell are all these pretty, popular types even on there? Like they even need net dating ffs! 

They should do a dating site for ugly, unpopular dorks like me - it'd do a roaring trade I swear... No membership unless you can PROVE you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. That'd be my kind of site! 

:bash

Rant over.


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

Patience, grasshopper.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Zombie Sheep said:


> They should do a dating site for ugly, unpopular dorks like me - it'd do a roaring trade I swear... No membership unless you can PROVE you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. That'd be my kind of site!
> 
> :bash
> 
> Rant over.


Lol, Zombie Sheep. I just wanted to point out that people can be _very _photogenic... when you take a photo from your best angle, with hair covering half your face, and add a little Photoshop, everyone can look quite good. I only met one person over the Internet, and he looked nothing like his photo (although it didn't matter)... So don't be intimadated by the good looking online folks


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

markx said:


> Patience, grasshopper.


Lol, yeah I know... 

Just that OKCupid want me to contact 5 women straight off the bat... When the whole lot of them are preposterously beautiful 19 yr old uber-babes who 'very rarely reply to contacts'. What's the point? None of these women are remotely desperate enough to bother with the likes of me. :|

That's before you even consider the competition, I've seen photos of some of the lads on there... They're all drop-dead-gorgeous 20-something metrosexual male models!

This is gonna be humiliating! I mean, rejection I can take - but merciless, ego-crushing pwnage at the hands of fearsome, sarcastic, icy-hearted sex-goddesses isn't really what I signed up for. This sucks!

But you're right Mark, thanks.  I guess I just have to keep trying... After all, you were kind enough to offer me encouragament, so I at least owe it to you to stick at this. Cheers pal!


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

One thing I learnt during a brief foray into online dating was never to look at the competition. It is demoralising. Its like having a fear of heights and climbing a tree and then looking at the ground.


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

veron said:


> Lol, Zombie Sheep. I just wanted to point out that people can be _very _photogenic... when you take a photo from your best angle, with hair covering half your face, and add a little Photoshop, everyone can look quite good. I only met one person over the Internet, and he looked nothing like his photo (although it didn't matter)... So don't be intimadated by the good looking online folks


Thanks Veron! I dunno really... Maybe that's right, but it's not just the looks - it's the fact they have lives, and friends, and really, really depressingly high standards.

I shouldn't moan so much, it's just I'm looking for a very specific type of person, a nice plain, shy, caring woman I can trust, and I thought I could find them this way. Instead, all I'm getting so far is some seriously scary alpha-females who wouldn't p!ss on me if I was on fire. Ah well, gotta keep trying I guess. :yes


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

mind_games said:


> One thing I learnt during a brief foray into online dating was never to look at the competition. It is demoralising. Its like having a fear of heights and climbing a tree and then looking at the ground.


Lol - on OKCupid your profile has a big list of 'guys like you', with thumbnails of what they look like. Not one of them was anything less than an 8, most of them were 10s. Sigh... Thing is, it's basically online dating or s0d it, I just don't know how to meet women any other way... :|


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

Zombie Sheep said:


> ...merciless, ego-crushing pwnage at the hands of fearsome, sarcastic, icy-hearted sex-goddesses


You know, that sounds like something I'd actually enjoy! :boogie

Maybe OKCupid isn't right for you, it's a first step in the right direction though. I'd say that you are much better looking than me and there's no accounting for taste when it comes to attraction. In my time on various dating sites I've been viewed and contacted by some really beautiful women (they can't *all* have been accidental) but sometimes it takes months before you get a "bite" from someone who's even remotely suitable.

There's a woman on DD who lives not far from me and she's had over 30,000 winks. :um If it was as simple as _hot girl + handsome guy = l-o-v-e_ then surely people like that would quickly disappear from all the dating sites. But if they're still there, it must mean that they're looking for something else... maybe someone who looks a little different to your average male model, someone with a brain, a decent bod and a vGSOH. No, not _me_! :b


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

Maybe you should try another site 

I imagine sites on the Internet typically trend to either what you're describing, as people who are not Adonises increasingly find that they're unable to find a match, or full of ugly people, as you put it, as the really good looking people aren't satisfied with the site and go somewhere else.

I mean... it's a niche that HAS to be filled somewhere. There's sites that specialize too, to find sugar daddies/mommas, for example. I wonder if there's a site that focuses on shy or mentally ****ed up people... although you might end up with something really scary if you're not careful about that lol

Either way, haven't seen a pic of you, but don't sell yourself short. As markx said, there's no accounting for taste. And I know that it's not really uncommon for people to have to wait months to find a match, so maybe a little patient is in order. If they are on the site in the first place, it's obvious they either have a deficit of their own, which they might be just as embarrassed about, or they're looking for something other than just looks.


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Markx - "You know, that sounds like something I'd actually enjoy!"
^
Lol!! 

I should probably give up on OKCupid. It's a crock, everybody I'm matched with is some self-conciously unique, sarcastic, 'quirky' intellectual. You know, the Guardian-reading type who's gonna bore me to incontinence with b0llocks about art-house movies and Tracey Emin and sh!t indie bands I've never heard of. Be normal ffs! It's not that I think they'll hate me - it's more that I *know* that I'll hate them! 

Nice, normal, shy, plain, boring. Is that too much to ask? :roll

On eHarmony I've actually found somebody I like. She's answered some of my questions, and she seems perfect. But she was the only match... Posters on IncelSupport have been telling me that if you don't get enough matches, you get booted off the site for being 'incompatible' - nightmare.

-Meyaj... That's a really good idea. eHarmony is fine, but I need to look for other sites that don't p!ss me off like OKC does. Btw, there's pictures of me in the gallery on my profile - I guess I should get used to people looking at them.

You are dead right - I need patience, and I need to be more realistic. I mean, it has only been a day. Sexual frustration, I guess. :|


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Hi Zombie 
I might try some of those sites myself, I'm only on plentyoffish.com but stopped bothering with it.

Don't worry about not having a job, not all women would write you off for that. Best not to say though on the profile, or say anything negative about yourself. Where it says profession I just put "retired millionaire!" and got a few laughs from that.

I've read most of your posts and I'm in the same boat as you really, except I'm a couple of years older:shock


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Jigirk said:


> Hi Zombie
> I might try some of those sites myself, I'm only on plentyoffish.com but stopped bothering with it.
> 
> Don't worry about not having a job, not all women would write you off for that. Best not to say though on the profile, or say anything negative about yourself. Where it says profession I just put "retired millionaire!" and got a few laughs from that.
> ...


Thanks Jigirk!  I've had it with OKCupid, I'm even thinking of cancelling my membership - after one day lol! Too many trendy types on there. I'll stick with eHarmony. I actually found a dating site exclusively for shy/socially phobic people - signing up now, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. Probably too good to be true. I'm starting to think I might have to actually... No, it's too horrible to even contemplate... Ask a woman out in real life! OMG how the hell am I gonna do that? :afr

Very sorry to hear that you're in the miserable situation that I am, but hey - we're still young compared to some people. Plus, it sounds like you're way better at this lark than I am. Let's hope we both finally have a bit of well-overdue good fortune! :yes

Best wishes anyway pal - really. Try some new sites and be sure to let us all know how you get on!


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm sure you'll find someone. :yes There's not enough wrong with you to make you completely undateable. :b


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

TheDaffodil said:


> I'm sure you'll find someone. :yes There's not enough wrong with you to make you completely undateable. :b


Lol! Yeah, too bl00dy right!

I mean, apart from the depression, social phobia, borderlineness, foul language, shortness, baldness, bad dress sense, virginity, rudimentary personal hygiene, evil temper, gender confusion, latent homosexuality, obnoxious personality, internet addiction, unemployment, poverty, lack of a life, messy flat, laziness, inability to drive, panic attacks, love-shyness, hyperhydrosis, lack of social skills, complete inability to understand women and bad teeth... I'm quite a catch. :yes


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Zombie Sheep, I saw your picture in the post a picture thread and you're very handsome :yes From the descriptions of yourself I'd seen in previous threads, I was expecting a Danny Devito-a-like.

I'm from Norwich by the way


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

Zombie Sheep said:


> Lol! Yeah, too bl00dy right!
> 
> I mean, apart from the depression, social phobia, borderlineness, foul language, shortness, baldness, bad dress sense, virginity, rudimentary personal hygiene, evil temper, gender confusion, latent homosexuality, obnoxious personality, internet addiction, unemployment, poverty, lack of a life, messy flat, laziness, inability to drive, panic attacks, love-shyness, hyperhydrosis, lack of social skills, complete inability to understand women and bad teeth... I'm quite a catch. :yes


That all just makes you human. :b People are messed up, man. You could be worse.


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## RedWolf (Oct 14, 2009)

That is great, I'm very happy for you, But...can you really date while still having social anxiety? Maybe what you need to focus on is curing social anxiety first, then talking to women become surprisingly easy.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Zombie Sheep said:


> Scrotobaggins (s******, sorry - that's still the best name ever) - thanks, that was a quality post! :clap


This just made LOL so bad! That, and choke on my drink! Absolutely hilarious!

Good luck on your quest, btw!


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

tutliputli -
Ta very much!  
I've got a complex about how I look - I've spent my whole life being told I'm the ugliest person people have ever seen. I mean, not just a few people, it was pretty much a mandate from 99% of the population of Ipswich. Hell, even my best mate called me ugly once... He was p!ssed off at me though. Course, I come on here and people tell me I'm 'handsome'. Which is great! But, really, really confusing... 

You're in Norwich eh? Hmm... Btw, forget the whole local rivalry thing, I actually really like the place. Good to meet another east anglian btw, I thought I was the only one on here.

RedWolf - You're probably right. This whole thing has been a triumph for sexual frustration over common sense. I can hardly walk to the end of my road without gasping for air. I really dunno, I'm just so sick of this! I just had to feel like I was doing *something*, y'know?

I'm off to Stowmarket to see my psychiatrist today. I'll probably spend most of the journey hyperventilating... Damn woman, I'm gonna give her pelters, I need pills that work, ffs! These ones don't do anything! If anything, they make me WORSE! Stupid NHS, I've had this problem all of my adult life and they have done NOTHING to help me! :no

TheDaffodil - Lol, don't worry. I'm not so unhappy with myself, that's why I don't mind saying stuff like that about me. It's just my wierd way of making myself feel better. 

Pheobus - Lol! Yeah, that was the best name ever! He got banned for it though... He's called Dr. Shred now, good thing he's back as he's a nice bloke.


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

Zombie Sheep said:


> TheDaffodil - Lol, don't worry. I'm not so unhappy with myself, that's why I don't mind saying stuff like that about me. It's just my wierd way of making myself feel better.


A-ha, I understand. :yes


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Hi! 

Just an update... I'm chatting to this one woman on eHarmony, and she seems alright... It's only been 3 messages so far, but it's the furthest I've got with this. We've just been talking shop about jobs and hobbies and stuff, nothing serious yet... But I just wondered, when should I start thinking about calling her? I'm just so utterly stoopid I don't know... :blank

I don't wanna seem like a desperate creep (I am, of course, but I don't want her to know that). But at the same time I don't want her sitting there doing her nut all like - 'when the hell is this idiot gonna give me his number?'. I mean, even I know it's not at that stage yet, I just wondered how I would tell if it was. I'm assuming most people here know a LOT more about this sort of thing than the likes of myself. 

Just wondered is all. Your thoughts, if you would be so kind. 

BTW - first post on these forums since my little 'episode' a few days back. I hope I haven't offended anybody too bad. If I have, feel free to give me hell, I don't mind.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

This thread is brilliant  Zombie Sheep, you deserve success purely on the fact that I've laughed out loud several times reading it. You've got a great sense of humour - and I'm sure that must count for something.


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