# What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend was always...



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

talking about how hot other people of the opposite sex were? Like if your boyfriend saw other girls out somewhere and said "WOW she's hot!"... how would it make you feel? :sigh It bothers me alot.
He also does it to celebrities but I don't care about that much, cause he has no chance with them & everyone has celebrity crushes anyway. But he shouldn't say that about random girls or about female friends.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

He would probably check out other people regardless. Anyone would. But, what point is there in actually verbalizing it? I don't see how that would add to the conversation and as you said it would be a big bother.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Doesn't seem cool at all. You should call 'em out on it. If a girl I were dating said that, I'd take it as an indicator that she didn't like me anymore...Or some lame mind game. Then again, I can only see a guy doing that.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I think it's inconsiderate but maybe he isn't that experienced with having a girlfriend and talks like he is with his mates?


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Qolselanu said:


> He would probably check out other people regardless. Anyone would. But, what point is there in actually verbalizing it? I don't see how that would add to the conversation and as you said it would be a big bother.


I know people check out other people--I mean, I still see other guys I think look good but I don't say anything!!! Well I never used to anyway, but now that I have a boyfriend who doesn't care to say whatever he wants...then I don't care to tell him "that guy is hot!".



SADFighter said:


> Doesn't seem cool at all. You should call 'em out on it. If a girl I were dating said that, I'd take it as an indicator that she didn't like me anymore...Or some lame mind game. Then again, I can only see a guy doing that.


Well I do it but only because HE does...I would have never said anything like that to a boyfriend, but since he doesn't care to hurt my feelings...I just say it back. Even if the guy isn't hot, I still say it sometimes.
And I can't take it as a sign that he doesn't like me because if he didn't I know he wouldn't be with me...cause he asked me out a month or 2 ago and I wouldn't...and he didn't give up on me. I figured he would but he didn't, and then I started liking him too(I always thought he was cute, but we don't have alot in common and it's the stuff like that that he does--it bothers me, so I didn't think we'd work out anyway) ...and I don't remember him saying stuff like that back when we first met...so I think it's to make me jealous or something after he started liking me as more than a friend. And it works.  Didn't care when we weren't dating...thought maybe if we dated he would STOP that but he hasn't and we've been together a week now. And not a day goes by that he doesn't mention some other girl, even if it is just on a movie or tv or something.



Lisa said:


> I think it's inconsiderate but maybe he isn't that experienced with having a girlfriend and talks like he is with his mates?


He's definitely experienced with having girlfriends...I wonder if any of his past girlfriends ever felt the way I do? :sigh
He's dated ALOT of girls...probably almost all the good looking/average looking ones in this town, and some from other towns. :afr 
I just don't think he understands how mad it makes me--or maybe he just doesn't care. :sigh


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

In short terms... he's a dick.

Why anyone would do that is beyond me.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

sean88 said:


> In short terms... he's a O!c#.
> 
> Why anyone would do that is beyond me.


yeah I have bad enough self esteem as it is. :cry 
but he does tell me I'm hot/beautiful...then sometimes he'll say another girl is hot, then say "but you look better"...and last night we were watching that Jessica Simpson/Dane Cook movie and he said "Jessica has nice boobs!"(so I told him how hot I think Dane Cook is--which I really DO think so) then he said "but your boobs are better". I know they aren't though. :sigh


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

I think you two need to have a talk. 

Maybe even give him an ultimatum: "Stop making me feel bad or I'm gone."


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Qolselanu said:


> I think you two need to have a talk.
> 
> Maybe even give him an ultimatum: "Stop making me feel bad or I'm gone."


then he'd probably say "ok, bye!" :sigh :cry


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

It's just immaturity. He needs to consider your feelings before his own.


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## sctork (Oct 23, 2006)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Qolselanu said:
> 
> 
> > I think you two need to have a talk.
> ...


then you'd be way better off.

demand the respect you deserve. your significant other is supposed to make you feel good, lift you up, cherish you.

I wasted 5 years on a guy who sounds a bit like the guy you've described in this post and another one you made recently. don't waste time on a guy who's just gonna make you feel like ****. even if you don't believe it, you do deserve better. at least ask him to stop making the comments, its not a huge thing to ask of someone.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

FairleighCalm said:


> It's just immaturity. He needs to consider your feelings before his own.


I wish he would. He can be nice & sweet sometimes...I just wish he would stop hurting my feelings.



sctork said:


> then you'd be way better off.
> 
> demand the respect you deserve. your significant other is supposed to make you feel good, lift you up, cherish you.
> 
> if you're just gonna take his @#%$, or not attempt to fix the problem, then you can't really complain about it :stu


I don't feel like I'd be better off without him though. I really do like him, I just wish he wouldn't hurt my feelings.
:sigh I've told him he hurt my feelings last night(over something completely different--he got mad because I didn't have him on my top friends on myspace--I did on my friends only but not my main account--ONLY because i couldnt FIND him out of 30,000+ people on my list! he got pissed over THAT)... he didn't seem to take me too seriously though. He just said I take things too serious. but he seems so serious when he says that stuff. :sigh


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

and every day around this time I get worried/paranoid...cause he gets off work in about an hour(usually anyway--some days he has to work later) and he never said for sure if he was coming to see me tonight or not. :cry he just said he would "TRY" to come up or call...he didn't promise he would or anything 
so i'll be sitting and worrying all night until he comes or calls or something...and then if i dont hear from him at all i'll be even more panicked :rain


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Qolselanu said:
> 
> 
> > I think you two need to have a talk.
> ...


If he's that much of a jerk then he's not worth the **** under my shoes. No offense, but seriously. Get a guy that actually respects you.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Thanks. Nobody respects me though.


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

Sounds like the typical guy who puts looks above anything else.

I pretty much concur with what the others said. Also, people who DON'T have SA will take relationships for granted more than those who do. I know nothing about the guy, Shauna, and I'm sure he's working like a normal person does, and has an active lifestyle like a normal person has, but he needs to look at the smaller important things too.

Besides, if he's saying that other girls are hot when he's with you, then who knows what he's doing when he's not with you. Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to me, but then again, I've never been in one, so I'm not really one to speak.


Edit: lol, and strangely, I'm at the top of the page again. I'm swear, I'm not planning this.


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## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Just tell him straight out that you don't like it and you don't want to hear it. He probably doesn't think of it as a big deal, but just let him know you do. If he respects you, he will listen.


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## roswell (Feb 4, 2006)

Sounds like a real dud, if you ask me. He seems to be causing you nothing but stress.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Don't let anyone **** with your head like that. It really seems like he's messing with your head. I mean, how could he NOT know that sort of stuff would bother someone you are in a relationship with?

That isn't right either to say he might be there and then have you waiting, not knowing if he'll show up.

Seems like he's trying to have control over you.

Stay strong. You don't need to be with someone who treats you like ****. Its better to be alone than to be put down.

:hug


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Formerly Artie said:


> Sounds like the typical guy who puts looks above anything else.
> 
> I pretty much concur with what the others said. Also, people who DON'T have SA will take relationships for granted more than those who do. I know nothing about the guy, Shauna, and I'm sure he's working like a normal person does, and has an active lifestyle like a normal person has, but he needs to look at the smaller important things too.
> 
> ...


Thanks...I don't think he only cares about looks though...otherwise I don't think he would be with me. I look pretty crappy without my makeup, and he's mainly with me when I'm not wearing makeup, when my hair is unstraightened and messy, and when I'm sitting around in my pajamas...not really a pretty sight(not in my opinion anyway). 
And I don't wanna think about him doing anything with anybody else. :sigh But I don't see how he could have this past week. He's been either with me or at work, all this week. And this is the first night we've spent apart since the night before Halloween. He did come to see me today, but he went home around 11. He told me I could go with him but he mentioned something earlier about needing "alone time" so I said I'd just stay here tonight. Then he said he was joking about that, but I dunno...then he mentioned something about thinking my parents didnt like him as good as they did at first. :wtf I have no idea where he got that idea, so I kept on asking why he thought that, and he said I was trying to get inside his head or something and wouldn't answer me. :um :stu
I asked if he was bored of me already and he said no, it had nothing to do with me...but I don't know because people have said that before, then dumped me the next day(or I never heard from them again). :sigh :cry


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Xplash said:


> Just tell him straight out that you don't like it and you don't want to hear it. He probably doesn't think of it as a big deal, but just let him know you do. If he respects you, he will listen.


thanks...i dont think it would work though. he just tells me i take things too serious. :sigh


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

roswell said:


> Sounds like a real dud, if you ask me. He seems to be causing you nothing but stress.


thanks for replying.
well he has caused alot of stress...but he does make me happy too, when he's around me...and when he's not trying to hurt my feelings.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

CoconutHolder said:


> Don't let anyone @#%$ with your head like that. It really seems like he's messing with your head. I mean, how could he NOT know that sort of stuff would bother someone you are in a relationship with?
> 
> That isn't right either to say he might be there and then have you waiting, not knowing if he'll show up.
> 
> ...


Thanks for replying...
yeah I think he does it just to make me jealous or something...
And he did show up tonight...but it's going to be like that every night...I'm going to sit and wonder...will he show up, or won't he? BUT I do that in every relationship I'm in for the past couple of years. I've had so many people lie to me, tell me they'll call me or show up...then I don't hear from them again. :sigh


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> talking about how hot other people of the opposite sex were? Like if your boyfriend saw other girls out somewhere and said "WOW she's hot!"... how would it make you feel? :sigh It bothers me alot.
> He also does it to celebrities but I don't care about that much, cause he has no chance with them & everyone has celebrity crushes anyway. But he shouldn't say that about random girls or about female friends.


Some people think those things even while in a relationship, male or female (my gf was like that). I think it's lame and generally I don't mesh well with that stuff, but that's just me personally. But going as far as him talking about women he's seeing in real time, with you? Most people don't do that, and I guess for some people in some types of relationships, they're cool with that, but I can see that bothering you much! How would it make ME feel? I would find it really annoying and rude. I don't relate to that stuff, and not even the comments themselves, but the fact that my partner is thinking that stuff gives me an impression of them being shallow with regards to physical attraction. When I have a partner, especially when I'm with her in the moment, I don't give a **** about how "hot" some random stranger is! And I probably wouldn't feel right if my partner was a lot different from me in that aspect.



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Thanks...I don't think he only cares about looks though...otherwise I don't think he would be with me. I look pretty crappy without my makeup, and he's mainly with me when I'm not wearing makeup, when my hair is unstraightened and messy, and when I'm sitting around in my pajamas...not really a pretty sight(not in my opinion anyway).


It depends... personally I found my female friends to look prettier when in that form! More natural.

I'd be careful and noting of others comments (not mine) in this thread. Don't let anyone **** with your head and/or disrespect you. He could be saying that **** to mess with your head, like indirect abuse sort of control ****.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

yeah i think it's a bit disrespectful, i never say like "wow that chick is hot!" when i'm with a girlfriend.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

He's playing with you, so just play along. If he says, wow, she's hot..just agree, and then whenever you see a hot guy, say the same thing but throw in and I bet he has a great dick! See how that goes over.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

embers said:


> He's playing with you, so just play along. If he says, wow, she's hot..just agree, and then whenever you see a hot guy, say the same thing but throw in and I bet he has a great dick! See how that goes over.


:lol you should do this and see what respond you get

its human nature to check out other people but its not something you do with your partner or make comments to your partner. although i bet that he just isnt mature yet and thats why he makes those comments


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Mayflower 2000 said:


> Some people think those things even while in a relationship, male or female (my gf was like that). I think it's lame and generally I don't mesh well with that stuff, but that's just me personally. But going as far as him talking about women he's seeing in real time, with you? Most people don't do that, and I guess for some people in some types of relationships, they're cool with that, but I can see that bothering you much! How would it make ME feel? I would find it really annoying and rude. I don't relate to that stuff, and not even the comments themselves, but the fact that my partner is thinking that stuff gives me an impression of them being shallow with regards to physical attraction. When I have a partner, especially when I'm with her in the moment, I don't give a @#%$ about how "hot" some random stranger is! And I probably wouldn't feel right if my partner was a lot different from me in that aspect.
> 
> It depends... personally I found my female friends to look prettier when in that form! More natural.
> 
> I'd be careful and noting of others comments (not mine) in this thread. Don't let anyone @#%$ with your head and/or disrespect you. He could be saying that @#%$ to mess with your head, like indirect abuse sort of control @#%$.


Thanks...it is annoying. But I like him alot.
The celebrities...don't bother me so much, like I said, because he has no chance with any of them...and everyone has celebrity crushes...not really a big deal. But when he talks about women in person, or that he knows personally...does really make me feel bad. 
And I think I look horrible without makeup, but he told me I looked pretty without it. I don't see how he can think that though.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Zen Mechanics said:


> yeah i think it's a bit disrespectful, i never say like "wow that chick is hot!" when i'm with a girlfriend.


that's good. I've never had a boyfriend say stuff like that while with me before. I'm sure some have looked at other girls and THOUGHT it, but none have actually SAID it, except this guy.



embers said:


> He's playing with you, so just play along. If he says, wow, she's hot..just agree, and then whenever you see a hot guy, say the same thing but throw in and I bet he has a great dick! See how that goes over.


yes, I should do that. :b I already tell him other guys are hot, just to get back at him...but I've never said the dick thing. that would really piss him off. :b



nubly said:


> embers said:
> 
> 
> > He's playing with you, so just play along. If he says, wow, she's hot..just agree, and then whenever you see a hot guy, say the same thing but throw in and I bet he has a great dick! See how that goes over.
> ...


well he is younger than me...but with some things, he seems mature...but just not with the talking about other women. :sigh


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Thanks...I don't think he only cares about looks though...otherwise I don't think he would be with me. I look pretty crappy without my makeup, and he's mainly with me when I'm not wearing makeup, when my hair is unstraightened and messy, and when I'm sitting around in my pajamas...not really a pretty sight(not in my opinion anyway).


I bet you are pretty damm cute in your PJ's.


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## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

.


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## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Xplash said:
> 
> 
> > Just tell him straight out that you don't like it and you don't want to hear it. He probably doesn't think of it as a big deal, but just let him know you do. If he respects you, he will listen.
> ...


Maybe, but its worth a try.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

GTI79 said:


> I bet you are pretty damm cute in your PJ's.


thanks :b :hug



Xplash said:


> Little Miss Scare-All said:
> 
> 
> > Xplash said:
> ...


thanks...maybe I will try


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> I think he does it just to make me jealous or something...


I think so, too. He's just looking for your reaction. Your jealousy probably boosts his ego. It reassures him that he's loved. Unfortunately, this is destructive to the relationship. He needs to find another way to feel good about himself.

Try a little reverse psychology. If he says some girl is hot, act like it doesn't bother you. Agree with his comments, stay friendly and good natured. If he can't get the same response out of you, he'll stop with the comments, real fast.

I wouldn't retaliate by saying another guy is hot. You've already tried that, and it hasn't worked. Maybe it encourages him, I don't know. Either way, good luck, LMSA. Sounds like he's a good guy, except for this one thing he does to bother you, and reverse psychology is usually very effective with that.


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## slurpazillia (Nov 18, 2005)

---


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## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

I think you are totally wasting your time on this guy! have you ever said anything to him at all about him talking about other hot girls?!?!I guess everyone is different about that stuff, but I would be furious. I apparently have myh boyfriend on a "short leash" though..lol. He said that the other day, he said it like he was joking, but I know I am a little harder on him that I probably should be.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> I think so, too. He's just looking for your reaction. Your jealousy probably boosts his ego. It reassures him that he's loved. Unfortunately, this is destructive to the relationship. He needs to find another way to feel good about himself.
> 
> Try a little reverse psychology. If he says some girl is hot, act like it doesn't bother you. Agree with his comments, stay friendly and good natured. If he can't get the same response out of you, he'll stop with the comments, real fast.
> 
> I wouldn't retaliate by saying another guy is hot. You've already tried that, and it hasn't worked. Maybe it encourages him, I don't know. Either way, good luck, LMSA. Sounds like he's a good guy, except for this one thing he does to bother you, and reverse psychology is usually very effective with that.


Thanks...maybe I should try that, just agree with him "Oh yeah she's hot!"--so far I think the only person I've actually agreed on him with is Angelina Jolie. I never got mad at him or anything when he said she was hot because I think she is too. :b 
Yeah obviously the telling him guys are hot thing doesn't work... it just makes him mad at me. :sus


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Slurpavillia said:


> to anwser your question.. if my girlfreind made comments about other men would that @#%$ me off? if we were in the early stages of the relationship and she didnt want to talk about it she just accused me of being too serious when i brought it up and even after that still made comments id think she has a commitment problem and use that @$$ for all its worth and move on. :lol


 :sigh thanks again everybody for replying.



Mngirl said:


> I think you are totally wasting your time on this guy! have you ever said anything to him at all about him talking about other hot girls?!?!I guess everyone is different about that stuff, but I would be furious. I apparently have myh boyfriend on a "short leash" though..lol. He said that the other day, he said it like he was joking, but I know I am a little harder on him that I probably should be.


he knows i'm really jealous...which he is too. if i mention another guy or even mentioned somebody I dated A LONG TIME ago he gets pissed.
but I still haven't actually asked him to stop saying stuff & haven't told him how much it really bothers me, and I guess I do need to. :sigh


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

this whole relationship sounds unhealthy.....you get upset when he says a girls hot, then you say a guys hot, and he gets pissed...it sounds like little games to me, like yall are just tryna get "one-up" on each other, its not healthy....your boyfriend makes you feel happy, not make you worry and feel ****ty.....


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

Personally, I always believe in order to have a healthy relationship with your partner is to be open about your feelings. Which can be hard for someone who is shy... like me. Probably why my relationships don't last long, but that's beside the fact. Anyways, if you really like the guy it can be hard to express your feelings sometimes because you might not want to do anything that might hurt your relationship. The problem with that is your just going to hurt yourself in the long run if your looking for a future with this guy or any guys. By talking, you eventually find out if this person is the right one for you if he's sensative about reasonable concerns like this. If you do talk to him and he still does it and it's something that you cant tolerate, all I can say is you'll need to start looking into other alternatives since it probably something he is just to custom to doing and changing that is probably not going to happen. If it's something you can get around, then you can still can have a healthly relationship otherwise.


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