# My approach journal (or well an attempt ;))



## Gameplan (Jul 11, 2007)

Hi I'm 24 and obviously have social anxiety. At some time when I was 16/17 I couldnt make a voice in class anymore when I was asked to read something out loud, etc. I had no problems speaking if nobody was there, though so its obvious, I guess.

Anyways I started an approaching journal on a forum which is more for people trying to share their "pick up" tricks, where obviously nobody can even remotedly relate to social anxiety. Everybody there seems to use the word rather loosely and then tell people like myself I should just jump into the water and get it over with....need I say more?lol

Anyways I think Ive made good progress so far and am sure in a few months from now Ill actually have overcome my approaching anxiety (Ill also have to start working on my public speaking anxiety soon or else I'll drop out of college for good if I cant do that in 1-2 years from now...lala...).

I couldnt even imagine saying Hi to any stranger. That was like a completely surreal feeling to me. Saying hello to somebody I dont know. WOW. BIG DEAL...so 2 years ago at 22 I started walking around in this neighborhood close to a hospital (many people from the hospital stroll around there) and wanted to just greet people..after a few days I finally got the first "hello" out and after practicing some more (1-2 months?) I was quite good at doing it in this environment, but could never get myself to do it elsewhere...2 months and a week ago I started this thing again and to my surprise could still do the His in that neighborhood to senior citizens, etc. after just a few days as if I had never taken a break from it.

Now after 2 months of going out for about 2 hours or so every day Ive gotten so far that Im pretty much at ease at greeting strangers even if they dont give me eye contact and do it every day a few times.

I plan on gradually improving..baby steps..and then wanted to start saying "Hi" to girls..I was able to do it about 5 times during the last month or so..so well thats not a bgi success but Ive realized that I have to start having conversations, now. Actually I think my main problem with saying Hi to girls is that I have to do that when passing people by which I think makes it a lot harder, etc.

Now I started trying to get myself to do an approach for the last 3-4 days. Still havent done it, but actually I see how my mind is improving and how those experiences of chickening out help me. I think its pretty much the same thing as with the saying HI thing..Im sure Ill get over it some time soon and then have to keep on working on it...(obviously Ill not concentrate on this "hi" thing anymore b/c that was just supposed to be a means to get to my end which is ultiamtely approaching and having conversations, which Im trying to get done right now.

I have to say this Hi-stuff has really helped me a great deal (that and sometimes wondering what I could say to people to start a conversation even if I never did). Ive also started a conversation and become..well acquaintances lol with 2 guys who I had known were friends with people I knew who I just started talking to on the bus and talk to everytime I meet them ever since.

All in all, Im sure this is gonna work out even if it takes a lot of patience and will.

But I think it's a lot better for me to share this here, b/c I assume peopl on here might know what its like..and wont give me comments that are simply discouraging b/c they cannot relate to my problems and think I should just "finally jump in the water" or "wow this is the worst case of approach anxiety ive seen in a while" blabla. That's not really constructive help and just makes me feel bad about my situation...

This is a link to my original post in that forum. I guess Ill continue posting it there b/c there are a lot of people on there who have a similar problem and dont want them to discouraged by making it look like I gave up...but Ill also post what I did every couple of days on this forum..so the link is only in case somebody wants to check out and browse through the stuff Ive done so far (however I doubt many people will want to read the whole LONG thread lol...thats why I said browsing through not reading)

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=122904

(If the links has to be disabled or something that would be okay for me if its necessary)

HOW MANY OF YOU PEOPLE CONSIDER THEIR FEAR OF APPROACHING THEIR MAJOR PROBLEM? IS THAT YOUR MAJOR PROBLEM LIKE IN MY CASE OR ARE OTHER THINGS WORSE TO YOU? (ok I guess in my case the public speaking thing is just as bad actually..but I meant to say I dont really have a big problem in other social situations in my free time..other than when it comes to approaching..)


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

sadly i think i was one of the people who discouraged you on sosuave

really was just trying to get you to progress faster - oh well.

hehe you told me that my anxiety wasn't as bad as yours probably and i told you that it was, but i still do things that absolutely terrify me such as approach girls and go on dates. Trust me it's better to do something and be completely scared while doing it, than to let the fear win and not do it at all.


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## Gameplan (Jul 11, 2007)

Wow the internet is a small place LOL. Actually, I wasnt really referring to you (though I remember that) but to the other guys who posted there today...but anyways, I had said I would move on from the hi-part to the approaching part (trying to approach..i didnt really expect to be doing it on day 1 right away to be honest) on july 15th and that I would not procrastinate that "deadline" a single day longer...and now it's july 11 (or well 12 soon) and I'm actually trying already..


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Lol the PUA's have finally cracked SAS :lol 

Can't wait to see the ads for Mystery Method at the top of the page - it'll be better than the Tony Robbins ones!

For those in the 'not quite so severe anxiety' bracket, I would recommend Charisma Arts and their conversation camps / seminars. They seem to have a very human outlook. There thats my advert in. 

Ross


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I am also on SS, welcome! Don't let SA be an excuse not to approach though. Saying "hi" really is not progressing even for guys without SA...it's just not even related to approaching which is why I don't recommend it. I'd rather you walk around and think about approaching girls than to bother saying "hi".


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

This is extremely funny.

The lot of us must be the worst DJs in the whole world eh?

I'm actually considering starting cold approaches again. I'd say i have quite a few under my belt. Somewhere slightly under 30 I'd imagine, but I've completely reverted to my old hermit self as of late and would most likely be starting from square one. 

We should all share our stories or something sometime lol.

Oh and mystery is my hero. I used to wear fishnet armwarmers and paint my nails black and wear some pretty out there gothy garb. Was pretty neat to find out that theres somebody out there who makes a living picking up girls who had a similar style of dress.

...and lol ross nice new picture, could you look anymore like an englishman hehe, i think its the hair style


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Where did you do your approaches Minty?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

*Re: re: My approach journal (or well an attempt )*



Mintyfresh said:


> Oh and mystery is my hero. I used to wear fishnet armwarmers and paint my nails black and wear some pretty out there gothy garb. Was pretty neat to find out that theres somebody out there who makes a living picking up girls who had a similar style of dress
> 
> ...and lol ross nice new picture, could you look anymore like an englishman hehe, i think its the hair style


Thats an old picture. Nowadays I wear red latex cowboy hats over my hair 100% of the time because Mystery does it. I might pick up some hot chicks that way, eh?

Ross


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

OMG I was on Sosuave before haha
I had to leave that site, as I think the vast majority of people there were actually "keyboard jockeys" who enjoyed making up fake ego-driven tips and playing devil's advocate. I think it's just the culture of that site. There are better ones out there I have found.

As for approach anxiety, I find that when I"m frustrated with my life and feel really ambitious about fixing it, my approach anxiety disappears almost completely.


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

daaaaave said:


> Where did you do your approaches Minty?


Various places. Mostly at a local college campus which i used to attend. Was quite ideal because you could see the same girls when you went back. Did it both when i was enrolled and not enrolled. When i wasn't currently attending the school I would just bring a book and read it outside on a picnic table or something and pick targets that way. A few at the mall because i dragged a buddy to the mall to show him that even a socially awkward dude like me could successfully game a girl.

How about you guys ?


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## Gameplan (Jul 11, 2007)

@Strength: Please tell me about the better sites you've found..? Still incredible, though that so many people know of sosuave..lol



> Saying "hi" really is not progressing even for guys without SA...it's just not even related to approaching which is why I don't recommend it. I'd rather you walk around and think about approaching girls than to bother saying "hi".


I cannot really agree with that. Getting over the fear of saying "Hello" to strangers..I literally couldnt imagine doing it..has definitely helped me make the whole approaching thing look possible for me in my mind. Actually Im pretty convinced that I will manage it, now. Before I wasnt, at all. It has also helped me become more outgoing in general: I made 2 new friends who are like brothers of people I know. 2 months ago I would have just ignored them and sat down elsewhere, just like they ignored me but after having done this whole warm up stuff (the hi's..) I sat down next to them comfortably and was like "what's up you're xyz, right?" and talk to those guys during the whole bus trip and keep the conversation going (for 20 minutes) being the person making most of the small talk.
Now, whenever I meet them (has happened like 2-3 times with both of them again we just talk as if we had known each other for a long time..

Becoming good at saying "Hi" to compelte strangers has definitely reduced my overall shyness and made myself (somewhat) more "outgoing" and less afraid to cross that magical boundary of not talking at all to talking.

However, I suggest we dont talk about whether this is useful or not anymore, because Im done with it now. For the last couple of days I HAVE been walking around not doing hi's (or well 1 or 2 just cause its kinda fun now ) but trying to find situations where I could approach and thought about what I could say..even if I have chickened out each of the few times so far.

Actually, today I almost did an approach. I was walking towards that bus station and this pretty and friendly looking chick was standing there, but in the end I looked down when passing her by (which actually made me feel like ****) I looked up when the busses departed, then turned around walked back in her direction and said "Excuse me, can you tell me what time it is? I dont have my cellphone on me right now and all.." (kinda funny how its so unnormal to ask people the time in the world of mobile phones lol). Her reactiong was more than friendly and I smiled said "thanks" and "bye".

I made it look as if I still had plenty of time until the bus arrives went to the bank at the other side of the street to get some money..wanted to come back and then say "you still here? (you're taking the same bus blabla)".

I know I should have said something right away about how I still have to wait long until the bus is coming blabla....

but anyways Im pretty sure I would have given her the "you still here?" line with a grin, because it would have actually felt more normal for me to do that instead of just walking past her and ignoring her as if she wasnt there.

But well, Ill try again..and right now I plan on doing this with a)sales assistants b)girls who work at the gym C)GIRLS AT BUS STATIONS.

Might sound crazy, but Im really big on the bus station thing now. I had thought of this to get started with the approaching before and then yesterday AND today I would have had a perfect chance to talk to a pretty girl at a bus station. It's sort of an easy real life situation to start a conversation, I guess..


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Mintyfresh said:


> daaaaave said:
> 
> 
> > Where did you do your approaches Minty?
> ...


I am doing mine at my college campus right now, but I get nervous when others are nearby so I have only been able to approach when I see a girl by herself with nobody around.


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## Gameplan (Jul 11, 2007)

During the last 1-2 weeks I didnt do much, because i had to study hard..today was the test and I now have another 2 months before college starts again. On my way home on the subway I saw this chick standing by herself..then she was in the subway and i almost felt as if it wouldnt have been all that bad to say something to her about school or college being out or whatever..of course I didnt..but I didnt really make an effort i was just glad the test was over.

Later I saw her miss her train (the same one I was gonna take just one train later as i noticed i wouldnt get in anymore) and sort of contemplated saying something about her missing the train and that i missed it, too blabla. However she wasnt there anymore.

On the train I sat down on one of thse 4-seats (exp?..2 times 2 seats facing each other) asked her if the seat was still free she said yes..then some insane person got on the bus complaining how getting on the train in the middle sucked (ive seen him before hes probably really insane..i actually feel bad for him) the girl glanced at me briefly when that guy passed us by speaking to himself and I went "he's always like that" she said "yeah, he probably is?" and I said "ah no I didnt mean it like that..Ive been on the train before with him getting on the train, so Im not surprised by his talking to himself he did that last time, too". No idea what she said but I saw she didnt just have a backpack like myself or a small bag, but a suitcase so I looked at it and said something like "long trip?lol" and talked to her a tad bit. 

She wasnt really my type so I didnt try harder and after a while when our conversation came to an end I just let it end and finally put in my headphones that I was gonna put in before I started that conversation with her. I think it was an easy situation, but the cool thing about it is that I realized that this train station / the train ride / the subway station / ride..etc. thats a great place to practice approaching..and thatll actually be my way to college every day (40 minutes and back)..

that should give me enough chances to practice approaching without actually spending time on it (as I wont have time to walk around town all day long when Im back in college..trying not to drop out again), b/c I will have these 1 1/2 hours every day anyways..even if most of it is a train ride..but if Im used to approaching and starting conversations a bit more by then (in 2 months) then it should be no problem and even fun at the same time (a long train ride+subway ride usually sucks, right?)


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