# For those who climbed out of a dark place: Did you trust you instincts?



## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

.....or did you take a leap of faith in some form of therapy/method instead? Sometimes I feel as though I already possess the common sense and skills to climb out of s.a.d. and the damage it's done to my life, I just have a hard time trusting myself, trusting my instincts that it's the right road to go down. How much was inner confidence part of your success to putting it all together?


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## eric254 (Nov 8, 2010)

Jeff said:


> .....or did you take a leap of faith in some form of therapy/method instead? Sometimes I feel as though I already possess the common sense and skills to climb out of s.a.d. and the damage it's done to my life, I just have a hard time trusting myself, trusting my instincts that it's the right road to go down. How much was inner confidence part of your success to putting it all together?


It's a little bit of everything. It's like any skill, this being social skill. You need to learn about it, find your strengths, have more positive thinking, and then go out and take the risks. I've noticed that it's a lot like jumping in a pool. When you first jump in, it's freezing and not the most fun, but after a while you get used to the water and can jump in and out freely. You even want to stay in the pool because now being out of the water sucks.


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## pbandjam (Sep 24, 2011)

I couldn't do it. I guess I was too weak. I've now started taking therapy and medication and I'm slowly starting to see some positive changes.


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## Ready To Freak Out (Jul 20, 2010)

For me what helped was realizing that being very negative makes people not want to be around you. Essentially I'd started dealing with my depression and SA by being very critical of other people, rejecting them before they could reject me, etc. I had to reverse that to make friends again. There was definitely a lot of "Fake it till you make it" employed: I was depressed and lonely, but I started by reaching out to three old friends, just letting them know I missed them, then when I started conversing with them again I made sure to keep things fairly upbeat. Not talking **** about people all the time, not criticizing or judging, not talking about how depressed I was. I made myself a funner person to be around, and I slowly - and I mean SLOWLY - started to expand my circle of friends. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't feel like the positivity was so fake - I was less lonely, so I was happier. I'm also able to confide in my friends about the bad times and get their support in return, but I make sure not to slip back into a space of constant negativity - hating everyone and everything. Basically people will support their friends through a rough patch, but if you're that person who's always depressed and doom and gloom, they'll eventually stop calling, not because they're bad people, but because you drain their emotional energy and they have stuff to deal with too.

I've seen a lot of people on here call down the "fake it till you make it" method as being capable of getting you only superficial friendships based upon an illusion that you project of yourself. I just found I was at the point where I'd rather have people be friends with a fake me than go on in total isolation. It's interesting though how much of a habit positivity is, and that's why faking it works for many people. And eventually you realize that people aren't friends with some totally phony version of you, they're friends with who you'd be if you were happy, which is really kind of nice.

This may not apply to you at all, but this is how I dealt with my depression and my fear of rejection, so if any of it resonates and is at all helpful to you, I'm glad.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It was a leap of faith....literally. Everything else was God's direction for me.


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## Sage Sagan (Dec 12, 2011)

It's cliché, but the answer is both. My instinct is usually to do something drastic to make a change-- the leap of faith you mentioned. I didn't act on it or trust myself nearly as much as I should have. Finally, I did one day; I decided something had to change about my fear of people, in addition to acquiring funds to leave the environment I was at.

I became a customer service representative despite it being a social anxietist's living, breathing nightmare; it's my job is to face constant rejection, approach strangers, answer those scary, loud, inhuman devices called telephones, make friends, and sell people things they usually don't want.

If you want to get out of a deep, dark place, make a fire, build a torch, and lead yourself out.


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## ainsleigh (Dec 6, 2011)

I trusted my instincts. In fact I think this is one of the most crucial things I did when overcoming SA. It forced me to confront my fears and anxieties head on. Once I started to overcome them, the anxiety lessened its grip on me.


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## Aeroflot (Jul 26, 2011)

I trusted that I knew exactly where to go, but it took some time before I decided to put in the effort to get going there.


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## dlennr (Jul 6, 2007)

I've never done therapy or meds. I tried a lot of self-help over the years, but the only thing that has really helped me is my faith in God. It was that faith that has led me to my greatest triumphs. I'm in the best place I've ever been now as far as SA -not cured, but I'm to the point where I don't feel like SA rules my life anymore.


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## jpb (Dec 12, 2011)

Ready To Freak Out said:


> For me what helped was realizing that being very negative makes people not want to be around you. Essentially I'd started dealing with my depression and SA by being very critical of other people, rejecting them before they could reject me, etc. I had to reverse that to make friends again. There was definitely a lot of "Fake it till you make it" employed: I was depressed and lonely, but I started by reaching out to three old friends, just letting them know I missed them, then when I started conversing with them again I made sure to keep things fairly upbeat. Not talking **** about people all the time, not criticizing or judging, not talking about how depressed I was. I made myself a funner person to be around, and I slowly - and I mean SLOWLY - started to expand my circle of friends. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't feel like the positivity was so fake - I was less lonely, so I was happier. I'm also able to confide in my friends about the bad times and get their support in return, but I make sure not to slip back into a space of constant negativity - hating everyone and everything. Basically people will support their friends through a rough patch, but if you're that person who's always depressed and doom and gloom, they'll eventually stop calling, not because they're bad people, but because you drain their emotional energy and they have stuff to deal with too.
> 
> I've seen a lot of people on here call down the "fake it till you make it" method as being capable of getting you only superficial friendships based upon an illusion that you project of yourself. I just found I was at the point where I'd rather have people be friends with a fake me than go on in total isolation. It's interesting though how much of a habit positivity is, and that's why faking it works for many people. And eventually you realize that people aren't friends with some totally phony version of you, they're friends with who you'd be if you were happy, which is really kind of nice.
> 
> This may not apply to you at all, but this is how I dealt with my depression and my fear of rejection, so if any of it resonates and is at all helpful to you, I'm glad.


Love this, thanks for sharing!

Sage Sagan, I'm the same way about taking drastic leaps. Next month I am moving to Thailand, getting my TEFL certificate, and teaching English there. Being a teacher in front of a class is another SA nightmare... especially when students can talk about you in a language you don't understand!

I want to start using "social anxietist." It makes me feel like a specialist of some sort. Blushing, stammering, and avoiding eye contact are my areas of expertise


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Honestly, I have varying amounts of trust in my instincts, but everything meaningful involves a leap of faith. If you sit around waiting for concrete evidence that you'll be successful, nothing would ever get done. You have to take risks to get anywhere. For me, confidence comes from focusing on my goals and how much I want to get there. I find that if you focus on the future more, the failures in the past or present matter less because you're looking at the big picture. It doesn't always work, because I do have periods of anxiety and depression, but the more I try to focus on getting there, the easier it is, and naturally the failures teach you what NOT to do so you tend to start having more success and that gives you more confidence. It's always a work in progress.


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## Ready To Freak Out (Jul 20, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> Honestly, I have varying amounts of trust in my instincts, but everything meaningful involves a leap of faith. If you sit around waiting for concrete evidence that you'll be successful, nothing would ever get done. You have to take risks to get anywhere. For me, confidence comes from focusing on my goals and how much I want to get there. I find that if you focus on the future more, the failures in the past or present matter less because you're looking at the big picture. It doesn't always work, because I do have periods of anxiety and depression, but the more I try to focus on getting there, the easier it is, and naturally the failures teach you what NOT to do so you tend to start having more success and that gives you more confidence. It's always a work in progress.


Love this post. Reminds me of a couple of quotes I have on cue cards to remind myself how to live on a daily basis.

"There are no failures, only lessons."

and,

"You can't steal second while keeping a foot on first. Progress involves risk."


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Loneliness, boredom, and the need to make a living forced me to do things. If my dad had been more indulgent, I think I might be still living at home hiding from the world. I moved to Japan with no job and no friends waiting for me when I was 19 because I was so sick of my boring little life. For the first time in my life I had to work and was experiencing many new things. I may have more anxiety about socializing than the average person but I have much less anxiety about other things.


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

I went to Australia and Fijii on my own when I was 25. Basically, I was going to university where it was freezing and I wanted to go somewhere warm.
I took a leap of faith and studied chemistry and biology at uni after getting a 2.9gpa in highschool I graduated with a 3.2 GPA at uni. I thought it would be easy to get a job, but it wasn't. I worked as an intern and I was offered a job but I didn't take it because of SA. I wish I would of taken a leap of faith then but I had so much anxiety on that job I thought they felt obligated to offer me a job. 
I have so much anxiety when it comes to work. I've had so many bad experiences, work is a leap of faith.
Before I went to university I read several self help books. They helped.


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