# My Social Anxiety Bootcamp Journal



## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

Today I'm going to be starting a 30 day social anxiety bootcamp designed to force myself out of my comfort zone, challenge my beliefs about myself, and conquer my social anxiety once and for all. I will be using this thread as a way to journal my experiences, the challenges I took upon myself, and (hopefully) the changes I have been experiencing.

A little about myself - I have been struggling with moderate social anxiety for the better part of a decade now. On the SA spectrum I'm probably around a 6 or a 7 where I can generally force myself into crowds if I really want to, but I very often have trouble expressing myself authentically and in extreme cases experience complete personality disassociation. I have always felt uncomfortable with cursing and touch and very easily fall into the "quiet, average nice guy" role within all my social circles. I am never the first one to initiate a conversation and very easily fall into the belief that nobody really wants to talk to me and any forced interaction with me would be a waste of time.

The first day of this program is centered around reaching out and trying to make myself accountable, so whether or not this receives any replies even just making this thread is already a major step for me. My first real challenge begins on Monday!


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## notsofast (Aug 15, 2016)

Congratulations on the first step! You will do great. Understandably it will be hard, and you're probably nervous. I'm rooting for you!! Just remember that this is the one life you're given.. ^^ you can't mess it up, whatever you choose to do... it's your choice! It's fine! And I think you made a solid choice creating this thread to begin with


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## Taaylah (Apr 5, 2012)

I'm excited for you! This is a big step. I can't wait to read your updates about how it all goes


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## JDsays (Oct 20, 2015)

We're watching bro. I hope it goes well!


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

Thanks for the kind messages everyone! The first challenge tomorrow is the simple act of saying "Hi" to five strangers while I'm out. It's funny how something so seemingly trivial is already able to bring intense feelings of dread. I live in a city where people generally keep to themselves, so I'm already plagued by thoughts of it being perceived as odd and out of place. But this is exactly the reason I need to do this. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter what the socially acceptable behaviour is; I want to reach the point where I am empowered to say or do whatever I want in a public setting, regardless of if it's something I would ordinarily consider a part of my personality.

I'll post another update tomorrow night, and hopefully it'll be one of success!


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## Taaylah (Apr 5, 2012)

omelette said:


> Thanks for the kind messages everyone! The first challenge tomorrow is the simple act of saying "Hi" to five strangers while I'm out. It's funny how something so seemingly trivial is already able to bring intense feelings of dread. I live in a city where people generally keep to themselves, so I'm already plagued by thoughts of it being perceived as odd and out of place. But this is exactly the reason I need to do this. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter what the socially acceptable behaviour is; I want to reach the point where I am empowered to say or do whatever I want in a public setting, regardless of if it's something I would ordinarily consider a part of my personality.
> 
> I'll post another update tomorrow night, and hopefully it'll be one of success!


You can do it! I have faith in you 0 I might try to do this tomorrow too. It'll have to be at work though, because that's the only place I'm going tomorrow. In the past when I've tried to say hi to co-workers I wouldn't get a hello back, because I said it so quietly that they didn't hear me. Maybe I'll practice speaking louder :b


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

*Day 1 of 30*

*The Challenge:* Find a public space and say "hi" to five strangers. For this challenge I went to my local mall after work and told myself I would just do it to five strangers in passing.

*Result:* Failure!

*Notes:* Welp, not the best of starts. This was actually quite a bit more difficult than I anticipated! Nearly everyone I passed by was either in a hurry, already chatting with a friend, or had their face glued to their smartphone. I just couldn't get over how odd and unnatural it would have seemed to stop someone and say hi for no reason. I kept thinking about how if the roles were reserved I would have suspected some hidden agenda, and I started to worry how I would react if anyone were to question my motives. Ironically I think an easier challenge would have been to hang around one of the many seating areas and try to strike up some sort of meaningful conversation.

I'm not super disappointed because I had a good day at work with minimal anxiety, but it's still frustrating that I wasn't able to follow through with the challenge because of perceived weirdness. Realistically, anyone I said hi to likely would have already forgotten about me by now. I need to keep reminding myself I'm doing this for _*me*_, and that the reaction of another has absolutely nothing to do with my success.

Tomorrow I'll head back to the mall and either retry the same challenge, or if I'm feeling up to it push myself to start conversations with strangers. Not gonna give up!! :boogie


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

omelette said:


> *Day 1 of 30*
> 
> *The Challenge:* Find a public space and say "hi" to five strangers. For this challenge I went to my local mall after work and told myself I would just do it to five strangers in passing.
> 
> ...


I didn't want to say this before as everyone was being so positive.

Just saying "hi" to people without a reason is a little strange, so while you may get responses they'll probably view you with confusion/suspicion. A better plan of attack would be to sneak "hi" into a common question, for example...

"Excuse me, *hi*, do you know what the time is? OK, thanks."

The "excuse me" is what will stop them, you'll need to use a little assertiveness though or you run the danger of them just ignoring you.

The "hi" completes your task, they may say "hi" back, allow them to do so if they do.

The "do you know what the time is" supplies the reason for stopping them and saying "hi", which makes the situation less awkward.

After they either tell you the time or not the "OK" is the acceptance of their response.

And finally the "thanks" is a good way to end the interaction.

*Tips:* Leave some time between asking people, don't do it somewhere that has public clocks, don't wear a watch and switch your phone off just in case someone says "don't you have a phone" or something, you can then say that your battery died.

Now obviously you don't have to do this exact scenario but I think trying something that would be a little more socially acceptable would help you.

Good luck.


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> I didn't want to say this before as everyone was being so positive.
> 
> Just saying "hi" to people without a reason is a little strange, so while you may get responses they'll probably view you with confusion/suspicion. A better plan of attack would be to sneak "hi" into a common question, for example...
> 
> ...


Yeah that's a great point and the thought crossed my mind at the time as well. I guess I just didn't consider asking the time something that challenged me as it's the more substantial and intimate conversations that always trigger my anxiety. But now that you mention it I'm starting to think it would make more sense if I just jumped straight to striking up conversations with strangers.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

omelette said:


> Yeah that's a great point and the thought crossed my mind at the time as well. I guess I just didn't consider asking the time something that challenged me as it's the more substantial and intimate conversations that always trigger my anxiety. But now that you mention it I'm starting to think it would make more sense if I just jumped straight to striking up conversations with strangers.


Depending on how you do it that could come across as strange also, what do you have in mind?


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> Depending on how you do it that could come across as strange also, what do you have in mind?


I get that in a way you're trying to protect me and I appreciate that but here's the thing: I don't want to care if something comes across as "strange". Feeding into the notion of social norms and a right or wrong way to approach every interaction is exactly what perpetuates this cycle of anxiety and is what I aim to break. The very fact that it may be perceived as strange is exactly why I want to do it. It's not so much about how I envision myself as a socially confident person. It's true that this ideal of me may not be someone who randomly says hi to people or strikes up conversations (spoiler: it isn't) but I want to be able to say that I *could do anything I wanted to*. This is all about stepping outside of my boundaries, empowering myself, and redefining what I'm capable of.

But to answer your question I'd probably just hang around one of the seating areas, maybe read a book, and if I notice someone else has been there for a while I'll just comment on something about them (or whatever is applicable to the situation) and take it from there.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

omelette said:


> I get that in a way you're trying to protect me and I appreciate that but here's the thing: I don't want to care if something comes across as "strange". Feeding into the notion of social norms and a right or wrong way to approach every interaction is exactly what perpetuates this cycle of anxiety and is what I aim to break. The very fact that it may be perceived as strange is exactly why I want to do it. It's not so much about how I envision myself as a socially confident person. It's true that this ideal of me may not be someone who randomly says hi to people or strikes up conversations (spoiler: it isn't) but I want to be able to say that I *could do anything I wanted to*. This is all about stepping outside of my boundaries, empowering myself, and redefining what I'm capable of.
> 
> But to answer your question I'd probably just hang around one of the seating areas, maybe read a book, and if I notice someone else has been there for a while I'll just comment on something about them (or whatever is applicable to the situation) and take it from there.


If you're not that interested in the reaction you get and you just want to prove something to yourself, then I hope you manage to prove it.

Just be aware that not caring about social norms doesn't make them disappear, life doesn't work that way. The "crazy" people on the street that most people ignore and try to avoid don't care about social norms, but they are avoided all the same.

Not saying that you're "crazy" of course.:smile2:

It's just that some people seem to actually believe that other people's perceptions of them are purely based on their perception of themselves. I don't know if you're one of these people, but I wanted to correct you if you are.


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> If you're not that interested in the reaction you get and you just want to prove something to yourself, then I hope you manage to prove it.
> 
> Just be aware that not caring about social norms doesn't make them disappear, life doesn't work that way. The "crazy" people on the street that most people ignore and try to avoid don't care about social norms, but they are avoided all the same.
> 
> ...


That's a fair point...but at the same time trying to start a conversation with a stranger is a far cry from parading down the street yelling about lizard people. :b The key here is that I want to push myself out of the belief that I shouldn't be able to act a certain way just because some people may find it weird, offensive, off-putting, or any other negativity that prevents me from being my authentic self. Hope that makes sense.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

omelette said:


> That's a fair point...but at the same time trying to start a conversation with a stranger is a far cry from parading down the street yelling about lizard people. :b The key here is that I want to push myself out of the belief that I shouldn't be able to act a certain way just because some people may find it weird, offensive, off-putting, or any other negativity that prevents me from being my authentic self. Hope that makes sense.


I don't know what it's like where you live (I'm assuming the States), but in London if you just start random conversations with people there's a good chance (there'll be some exceptions of course) that they'll think you're up to something or "weird", unless you or they are pensioner old (they might still think you're weird but you can get away with more when you're that old and the elderly are more likely to be grateful for the conversation).

That said I do get what you're saying, and there is value in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and being your "authentic self".

So whatever you decide to do and however it's received I hope you get something positive from it.:smile2:


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## omelette (Nov 5, 2016)

LonelyLurker said:


> I don't know what it's like where you live (I'm assuming the States), but in London if you just start random conversations with people there's a good chance (there'll be some exceptions of course) that they'll think you're up to something or "weird", unless you or they are pensioner old (they might still think you're weird but you can get away with more when you're that old and the elderly are more likely to be grateful for the conversation).
> 
> That said I do get what you're saying, and there is value in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and being your "authentic self".
> 
> So whatever you decide to do and however it's received I hope you get something positive from it.:smile2:


Well thanks, but again in my opinion worrying about the prospect of being up to something "weird" or looking stupid is just a gateway into mind-reading, insecurity, and paralyzing anxiety. Basically the main issue I've struggled with my whole adult life. I don't mean any offense, but I think you might be projecting a little bit here.

No update yesterday as my anxieties felt entirely insignificant in the midst of the horrifying election results, but I still did manage to challenge myself! Without further ado, my retroactive update:

*Day 2 of 30*

*The Challenge:* Eat lunch at the main kitchen table. I have a usual group I eat with in one of the smaller conference rooms, so having to instead eat and interact with the coworkers I see much less frequency is a tall order for me.

*Result:* Success! (kind of)

*Notes:* Okay, I cheated a bit here. I did sit at the main table and eat my lunch, but I went a good half hour before it started to fill up and was already gone by the time it did. That being said, my stomach was churning the entire time and I managed to fight all my instincts to get up and leave before I was finished. This was a good step and for that I'd consider it a success. Next time I'll try to go when it's actually more packed.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

omelette said:


> Well thanks, but again in my opinion worrying about the prospect of being up to something "weird" or looking stupid is just a gateway into mind-reading, insecurity, and paralyzing anxiety. Basically the main issue I've struggled with my whole adult life. I don't mean any offense, but I think you might be projecting a little bit here.


No offence taken.

Worrying about being perceived as "weird" etc. and being perceived as "weird" etc. are 2 different things. Being able to observe reality and notice patterns isn't magical mind-reading and doesn't have to lead to paralyzing anxiety. It's not projection, it's reality.

You assume my anxiety is related to being thought of as "weird", it's not. Maybe I'm not the one who's guilty of projecting.:smile2:


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## Taaylah (Apr 5, 2012)

omelette said:


> No update yesterday as my anxieties felt entirely insignificant in the midst of the horrifying election results, but I still did manage to challenge myself! Without further ado, my retroactive update:
> 
> *Day 2 of 30*
> 
> ...


Still sounds like a success to me  It's only day two, so anything you do, no matter how little or "easy" it may seem, as long as it puts you out of your comfort zone is a success. And the fact that you fought the urge to leave is awesome :clap I know how overwhelming that feeling can be, and a lot of times it's seems easier to give in just to make the anxiety go away. Can't wait to hear what your next challenge will be :smile2:


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