# post-coital depression



## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I just found out about this syndrome today, and I have it. I get kind of like anxiety attacks after sex. I get really shaky and nervous and always end up crying. Every single time (right after orgasm) Its the most embarrassing thing on earth, and because all this time I had no idea what was going on with me, it was awful, and felt even worse and made me cry even more. I have tried to hide the fact I'm crying, but it's too obvious. In fact, I have been practically celibate because every sexual encounter feels like an absolute failure, and because I know it will happen every time and it's not fair to my partner to have such weird behavior, and be in such a state, saying I'm sorry, don't know why this is happening, and they feel obligated to comfort you, when they shouldn't because nothing is actually wrong! Ugh. So horrible. Does anyone else have this?

I'm just glad I know about it now. Unfortunately my bf already broke up with me so I can't exactly let him know about it and hope to fix things. Just so frustrated! Wanted to tell someone about it. I hope there is a way to get over it. I have only ever had anxiety attacks before while one drugs, so I don't know how to deal with them regularly. I hope that this is something I can overcome, since it obviously has to do with adrenaline and hormones so it's an emotional reaction to the physical response. Don't really know how to get it under control. Kind of a hard thing to bring up with a dr. too.


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## Tryst (Feb 24, 2011)

I have never met anyone else that happens to, I didn't think there was a name for it I just chalked it up to being yet another abnormal thing I do. Nice to see I am a little less crazy than I thought. I also feel so bad for my partner and utterly mortified when it happens.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

caithiggs said:


> I just found out about this syndrome today, and I have it. I get kind of like anxiety attacks after sex. I get really shaky and nervous and always end up crying. Every single time (right after orgasm) Its the most embarrassing thing on earth, and because all this time I had no idea what was going on with me, it was awful, and felt even worse and made me cry even more. I have tried to hide the fact I'm crying, but it's too obvious.


My old girlfriend used to cry all the time after sex at least the first few months. I never understood it but I kinda liked it. I think it makes guys think they're special, even though I doubt it has much to do with the guy. I agree, I think it might be due to excessive emotions/sensitivity?


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I've never heard of this but I'm sorry you feel this way. Certain sexual encounters in my life I've felt so guilty that in the dark I would roll over and shed a tear (hooking up that 'one last time' with an ex type thing) but I never cried after orgasm or anything obvious. Do you feel a lot of guilt or emotions towards sex? I wonder if this is a perception thing or if it's like a chemical imbalance type of depression that is uncontrollable. Either way I hope you get it sorted out so you can enjoy yourself, you deserve to <3


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## introvert33 (Jun 23, 2010)

A perfect example of a post where I wish I could leave my user name off, oh well. I have never heard of this syndrome, I doubt I have it because for me its not all the time, but sometimes. I always just made sense of it as one release triggering another kind of release, i.e. tears. Sometimes it just feels good to cry and let it all out. And this is after self-pleasure so it has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else (or guilt for that matter).


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I feel guilt mostly for not being "normal" or open enough to the experience I guess. Crying automatically shuts me down too, so I actually get a further emotional reaction FROM crying due to my excessive temper tantrums as a child! I would of course ALWAYS be punished for crying, so it complicates it that much more!! Kids with anxiety should NOT be punished for crying like OMG. They should be punished for crying only when they are using it to get what they want, to be controlling.

lol TANGENT.

But anyway. I had a lot of guilt (maybe?) with my body growing up. Not sure it was guilt, cuz I'm not religious or anything like that. But like just a disgust. And had sexual aversion for a long time since puberty, I think just because of my anxiety though, no real trauma to speak of. Managed to actually shut that side of myself down completely, so that it wasn't like frustration or repression or anything, it was just like absent from my mind. Just because I have no idea how to face my "differences" or perceived differences from other people and in such a totally personal way. Like the final frontier of your shame has to be you naked and your sexuality. Like just being exposed and stuff is where the shame is. Like if someone sees you THAT close and judges you its worse than just judging you with your clothes on, right? So that's where most of my shame always came from. But I've grown up a lot. I just haven't dealt with this part of me. It's too bad it's taboo too! We are told "it's totally natural and everyone should be comfortable with it" at the same time as being told "that's not something you can talk about openly"!! Okay, so which one is it folks? 

But I could go on forever.

I think it's an emotional energy that I hold in my body though. That's what I always felt like anxiety was. That's why emotions cause your heartrate to speed up, or you to shake or sweat, or tear up. Emotions are manifested physically in our bodies. When we have anxiety it's like they get stuck and well up and have to come up physically in a negative way. Ugh. Don't have any clue how to find balance at all.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't even care about my username. Haha, I would never have made a post like this like a year ago. But man, I just don't feel like I have anything to lose anymore. It's just no use in keeping your fears and negative feelings to yourself. Why not just complain to other people about whatever comes up? haha, they can deal with it if they don't like it, and it's not any scarier to be exposed than it is to fear being exposed, if you see what I'm saying. Yeah, I should take my own advice!


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Kon said:


> My old girlfriend used to cry all the time after sex at least the first few months. I never understood it but I kinda liked it. I think it makes guys think they're special, even though I doubt it has much to do with the guy. I agree, I think it might be due to excessive emotions/sensitivity?


Hey, it's comforting to know that some guys might not feel so bad about it! Me I have no idea what guys have felt about it with me. I just got that they were just as confused as me though. And I always feel like they think I'm hiding something. Whenever I express my anxiety people seem to misinterpret and think there's something I'm not sharing, but really it's just that emotions don't need a story to back them up sometimes.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Aw never feel bad about your body or feel guilt with sex. People will always judge and think this and that can't change their mind so why live for them right (SOO many damn prudes out there.. even on here too of course) .. I'm glad you have worked past some of that


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

oh, I've been a prude my whole life! right now I just really want to move past my prudishness. I think it was part of me, but now it's wearing out its welcome. I might just be a "late bloomer" (mid twenties). I definitely have sympathy for the prudes though, that's for sure. Know what it's like! But I am beginning to realize how I only had my own view and couldn't live in other people's shoes. But at the same time, most people don't live in my shoes either. 

I just hope that my new understanding helps me to achieve balance, and like a fuller human experience (since everyone's always going on and on and on about how sex is such a big part of life and blah blah blah, though I think a lot of it is hype and not fully understood). I hope I can learn to express my own personal experiences so that I can form stronger relationships. It's a lot to ask though.

Still depressed though, cuz I'm going through a breakup that I don't want to go through. But I'm also still afraid of a rejection if I were able to express all this stuff and other stuff about myself that I never have (maybe never even knew about myself until I got dumped). Siiiigh.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

^ I know aswell lol, my mom taught me so much crap that goes against what I believe about sex.. took few years and couple bfs to grow into my own.. so I make it my job to try and reform the prudes haha!
Sorry about your break up but when one door closes another opens.. if hes such a dumb a-hole to leave you he isnt the right guy anyway.. you got a good attitude about you going on so i am sure you will feel better about all that soon xox


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I never had any guidance one way or another from my parents about sex! Maybe that was my problem--had nothing at all to rebel against. haha. 

Thanks for the comfort. I'm usually the quickest to leave a relationship, but for some reason have this intuitive conviction that there is something else I'm supposed to be doing in this situation. Only time can tell you know? It's hard anyway to be in a relationship when you know in yourself that you and your partner are not on an emotional level that makes it possible to communicate. I guess that's the problem. I don't want to give into the idea that I'm incapable of it, even though I haven't proven myself to be otherwise yet. I'm like on this whole emotional revolution right now because they've been so tightly locked up for years, it's like "alright self, it's time to let that go now". It's just hard to figure out the process of doing that. But I'm telling you, going through transformation is much better than being in your original bad state. Even though pain and depression comes with it, it's like, there's nowhere to go except forward in the end. Any other direction is just in your imagination. Haha, I feel like I should become a motivational speaker or something. Too bad I suck at public speaking


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

When I was younger, I used to cry after too, but that was because I was so happy. Probably still would now, if I had the opportunity. Do you ever cry unexpectedly at other times? It could just be that you have a very emotional/watery personality and there's nothing wrong with that!


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Pam said:


> When I was younger, I used to cry after too, but that was because I was so happy. Probably still would now, if I had the opportunity. Do you ever cry unexpectedly at other times? It could just be that you have a very emotional/watery personality and there's nothing wrong with that!


I cry when I'm overwhelmed, after trying to hold back and hide the anxiety that I'm going through, eventually I just cry. I don't show my emotions at all, which I believe is part of the problem. It's my body's way of forcing emotions out. But I generally can't connect my emotions to very specific things because I just keep them floating around bottled up.

I know I should learn to be more emotional. But really, I don't know how! I'm emotional inside, for sure! I'm really emotional. But you would never know it meeting me.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Suddenly being overwhelmed with *any* emotion can make me burst out crying. Or my eyes suddenly feel like hot pokers are being jabbed in them and tears come that physically hurt! Could be anxiety, love, having an orgasm, somebody saying something nice to me, confusion, frustration, even anger sometimes. The only thing is i always know exactly what/how I feel and why I am crying, but a lot of people don't I guess. I'm not sure what the answer to that is.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Pam said:


> *When I was younger, I used to cry after too, but that was because I was so happy*. Probably still would now, if I had the opportunity. Do you ever cry unexpectedly at other times? It could just be that you have a very emotional/watery personality and there's nothing wrong with that!


That is so cute in a sort of funny way too As long as your happy it's all good lol!


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## sublimejason (Mar 26, 2011)

My problem is non coital depression, the act of being depressed from not getting any coitaling :roll


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

sublimejason said:


> My problem is non coital depression, the act of being depressed from not getting any coitaling :roll


Hehe, I don't think you're the only one in that boat!


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

sublimejason said:


> My problem is non coital depression, the act of being depressed from not getting any coitaling :roll


LOL preaching to the choir


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

caithiggs said:


> It's too bad it's taboo too! We are told "it's totally natural and everyone should be comfortable with it" at the same time as being told "that's not something you can talk about openly"!! Okay, so which one is it folks?


+1


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## jdupra4359 (Sep 11, 2011)

*response regarding anxiety after sex*

your anxiety is not abnormal, i am having the same situation....everytime i have sex or masturbate, i have intense fear after that and i did not understand why i had such a high level of fear after sex.....


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## Event Horizon (Feb 23, 2011)

Yeah.... I know exactly what the OP is talking about. I would feel very empty and have bouts of crying even though there is no reason for me to be upset...I thought I was the only one in this. 
I would only do this from time to time, it wasn't an every time thing. but I hated having to do that sometimes and i would feel like a total fool and totally abnormal. the person would probably think i'm a freak. so among a couple other reasons I've pretty much abstained from sex despite the fact that I love it. I guess it's a chemical/hormonal thing?


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## boringboy (Aug 8, 2011)

I have no idea... because I am a f*cking virgin !


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Is it just sex or masturbation also?


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I've somewhat felt this before, but there was guilt and emotional overload associated with it. I'd just get really anxious and emotional and cry afterwards. I think it has to do with how secure you feel with the act or with the relationship itself.


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## gingerbreadhun (May 12, 2012)

I have this every time I masturbate. I freak out right after I orgasm like literally right after. I cry and spazz out, and I hate myself and everyone else. It's like a panic attack. Is there anymore information on PCAS?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

caithiggs said:


> I just found out about this syndrome today, and I have it. I get kind of like anxiety attacks after sex. I get really shaky and nervous and always end up crying. Every single time (right after orgasm) Its the most embarrassing thing on earth, and because all this time I had no idea what was going on with me, it was awful, and felt even worse and made me cry even more. I have tried to hide the fact I'm crying, but it's too obvious. In fact, I have been practically celibate because every sexual encounter feels like an absolute failure, and because I know it will happen every time and it's not fair to my partner to have such weird behavior, and be in such a state, saying I'm sorry, don't know why this is happening, and they feel obligated to comfort you, when they shouldn't because nothing is actually wrong! Ugh. So horrible. Does anyone else have this?
> 
> I'm just glad I know about it now. Unfortunately my bf already broke up with me so I can't exactly let him know about it and hope to fix things. Just so frustrated! Wanted to tell someone about it. I hope there is a way to get over it. I have only ever had anxiety attacks before while one drugs, so I don't know how to deal with them regularly. I hope that this is something I can overcome, since it obviously has to do with adrenaline and hormones so it's an emotional reaction to the physical response. Don't really know how to get it under control. Kind of a hard thing to bring up with a dr. too.


Are you sure it isn't a sign that you should not be having sex?


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## The shy soldier (Apr 24, 2012)

I get this *'Post-coital depression' *when I masturbate, & since i consider myself to be obsessive masturbator, I have suffered with this for a very long time in silence, only to know recently that what I experience does have a name!

I do not have any guilt but I become:
A.very irritated.








B.anxious for no reason.
C.Sometimes i experience difficulty breathing.
D.fairly depressed.
E.Stupefied!!!

Now i try to abstain as much as possible from masturbating.

Great to know that I am less crazy than I thought...
Great to know that I am not alone on this...


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## sourpatch (May 11, 2012)

Shame is illogical and also wish I could just catipult it out of my life. It's just so unnecessary and retracts from being happy. Maybe you should spend time nude and just get more comfortable in your skin. We're animals, we're sexual, and trying to overcome this fear of sexual release can only be beneficial.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> Are you sure it isn't a sign that you should not be having sex?


Interjecting a little religion into the discussion?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

jonny neurotic said:


> Interjecting a little religion into the discussion?


Take what you want out of it - it's like buyer's remorse then. :stu


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

caithiggs said:


> I just found out about this syndrome today, and I have it. I get kind of like anxiety attacks after sex. I get really shaky and nervous and always end up crying. Every single time (right after orgasm) Its the most embarrassing thing on earth, and because all this time I had no idea what was going on with me, it was awful, and felt even worse and made me cry even more.


There are a couple of things I think should be considered.

There are testosterone receptors inside the vagina and stimulation of these receptors by the testosterone in semen triggers a release of endorphins and oxytocin. Perhaps the use of condoms may be preventing the appropriate neurochemical state from being attained causing distress.

After sexual intercourse bonding may take place between the couple mediated by endorphins and oxytocin. Insufficient physical contact in the moments after intercourse may cause distress relative to the individuals need of intimacy. If one partner has a much lower need of intimacy than the other then this may cause significant distress to the one in more need of intimacy.

Just my speculations on the matter...


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

jonny neurotic said:


> There are a couple of things I think should be considered.
> 
> There are testosterone receptors inside the vagina and stimulation of these receptors by the testosterone in semen triggers a release of endorphins and oxytocin. Perhaps the use of condoms may be preventing the appropriate neurochemical state from being attained causing distress.
> 
> ...


This is news to me! Cool to know!

Sex with someone I don't care about...always has a sort of hangover, because usually that person wants more from me than just sex, no matter what they say. If it's with someone I'm interested in, I feel like high-fiving myself lol.

Unless I was wearing a particularly bad condom, in which case she's probably wondering why that took an hour :um.


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## LittleSister (Jan 22, 2011)

Never knew about that - but yes, I had/have had it. It's a hard feeling to explain... Just a sudden onset of sadness... Feeling like a failure. Even in bed. Argh. Not sure how to resolve it... I kind of dealt with it by getting as far away from a sexual partner afterwards 

Ps: Yes, I'm like the typical male,.. but female. I have sex, then run FAR FAR AWAY from the other person


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## LittleSister (Jan 22, 2011)

sanspants08 said:


> Unless I was wearing a particularly bad condom, in which case she's probably wondering why that took an hour :um.


HAHA, classic.


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