# some helpful tips from CBT work book



## Grantonio (Jan 20, 2006)

I have much success with CBT, some from actual seeing a therapist, but mostly from work books (dying of embarrasment really helped). like a lot of these people say, it takes work, but it really helps once you come to some realizations about faulty SA thinking. I believe that SA revolves around us being really afraid of being disaproved of and rejected. CBT helped me realize that there will always be people won't always like what I say or do, and that is OK b/c that is the way the world works, you can't please every body , you have to expect that some people will react negative to you sometimes, b/c if you really think about it, is there anybody in the world that is universally liked or "perfect"? There is no body, even some people don't like Ghandi or mother teresa. You just can't expect that everybody will like the thngs you say or do, it is unreasonable and unrealistic to think so. haha, wow, it helped me just writing that. 

anyways, there are some other things it helps with but mainly just helps you realize that not being perfect is OK. I hope this helps...


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## falling snow (Jan 10, 2007)

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## Grantonio (Jan 20, 2006)

hehe, it seems like a such a simple concept and common sense (not being perfect, can't please everbody, etc), even for people with SA. It is like we all know what we "should" be thinking and actually realize that what other people think about us doens't really matter, but for some reason we still can't get over it. We know our thinking is fuked up. but try taking a step back and try analyzing your SA anxious thoughts from time to time (write them down, then ask "is this really true?), most of the time y ou really truely see your anxious thoughts aren't based on reality (facts) but just was is going in your head. And for me, living in reality has been a crap load better than in my own head. Not that SA is completely gone or I still don't wonder/think about whether I sound stupid or if so and so likes me. It has simply enabled me to move on faster knowing even if my SA thoughts were true, would that make me s tupid person? No, it makes me human, everybody makes mistakes even if you are fairly intelligent. Just things like that help you not make SA thoughts not as important in your life and able to live your life with less dis-comfort.

Sort of a simple concept to help SA but can work wonders when you see how untrue your SA thoughts are, it can be very satisfying and awesome


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

Grantonio,

Thanks for posing this thought. It makes me really consider what I am most uncomfortable with - _thinking _people don't like me, or _knowing _people don't like me.

For the most part, I think it is the sensing - but not knowing for sure - that drives me crazy. If someone openly dislikes me, and isn't subversive or passive-aggressive about it, I can deal with it much better. We can agree to disagree, or go our own ways, if you will. But when I suspect they don't like me, and have no 'hard evidence' - this is where I get uncomfortable, it's like itchy wool on my psyche.

You're probably right either way - what does it matter? But I think not having genuine feedback about how others feel about me, and not having anyone to ask, "Hey, do I look weird with my hair like this?" etc. makes me feel so uncertain all the time.

Thanks for getting us thinking.


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## Grantonio (Jan 20, 2006)

You make a good point Farren. How do we truely know what another is thinking when the evidence is not clear? You can't. That is when other strategies come into play - what would you tell a friend having the same thoughts (we tend to be harder on our selves than others)? If someone is disaproving of us in t heir heads, how bad is it really....will you lose your job (this could be yes, if it is your boss)? your house? your wife? your close friends? does this mean everybody won't like you? Will it really matter tomorrow, a week from now, a month? You'll notice the answer to this is MOSTLY "no."

It also depends on who you think is doing it, if it is someone important in your life then pay attention to it and try and resolve the issue. However, if it is a complete stranger or someone that doesn't know you well, then how can they really make a accurate judgement call on you anyways? Just b/c someone thinks something about you, doesn't mean it is true, it is usually just a opinion, which can be true or false. 

I k now some of these things seem like they won't help, but they are proven to help with time (I would say about a week to two weeks you will notice a decrease in SA). they have definitely helped with my SA, and hopefully it can work for some of you guys


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