# I feel so insecure and alone. please help. i think i'm going crazy!



## raphaelerfe (Oct 28, 2011)

Ever since I went to America and studied (just recently), i have always felt insecure and alone. i can see people and friends hanging out together and i can't bring myself to approach them or to make friends with them because i'm afraid that they would just make fun of me. I have a friend that's new to America too. He has more friends than me. When we are together, people greet him but they never even bother to glance at me. They treat me like i'm dust. I am so jealous of him. I always have difficulty making friends and talking to people. There's also this kid who comes from the same country as me and we look similar. Almost everybody thinks that i was him. I feel that i've lost my identity and that i'm merely his copy. After a few weeks, i have been doing well in math. i was the only one to get 100 for the test. I'm the best in class and my classmates praised me. for once, i feel like i'm good at something. just then, a few weeks later, a new girl comes to class and it seems that she's better than me. I was so saddened because it appears that i'm no longer the best in class and everyone is now praising her, not me. People started ignoring me again because someone else was better. I feel that i am good at nothing. I don't like sports, I'm not good at speaking, i have no special abilities and there's always someone who is smarter than me. I feel so depressed and worthless that I just want to stay home and do nothing. i don't want to go to school anymore. does anybody have advice. can someone help me. please!

this is probably too long and i thank the people who had the patience to read and reply to this post. i just felt that i shouldn't bottle-up my feelings.


----------



## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

It sounds like you are struggling with being an outsider at a high school.

If you are in a state that offers PSEO (Post Secondary Options Act), ask your counselor if you can try to take college classes.

High school identity angst is a complete waste of your time.


----------



## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

It doesn't matter if someone is better than math at you, or anything. If you're the second smartest person in the class, then good for you. Most everyone else would probably love to be the second smartest person in the class. 

You aren't the first international student to feel alone and insecure, and you won't be the last. Try to find extra curricular groups or something to help you meet people.


----------



## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

I sometimes feel like that in Korea when I'm with people in my major. 

My advice would be to do your best to make friends with Americans that were born in the US or have lived there a long time--don't just limit yourself to other recent arrivals (it's good to have those friends too, just don't limit yourself). It can be hard and lonely, but it will be worth it. Remember that being an international student, you have a lot of unique experience and different perspectives on things that you can share with people. You have a lot to offer just for that!

And I'm sure you have other talents and such. Also find as much common ground with people as you can. 

Don't let fear of making mistakes hold you back. Most Americans try their best to understand and don't make fun of people for making a mistake. 

Also try to keep in touch with people from your home country--it helps when you are very lonely.

Good luck to you--you can do it!


----------



## BovidaeSixteen (Nov 20, 2011)

I know where you're coming from with this. I've done the same thing with art. I've always drawn/sketched all my life and have become very advanced compared to other teenagers...and tend to get praised for it such as what you said. Whenever in socially uncomfortable situations, I would draw in my sketch book and that would be my way of attempting to get the attention of others instead of simply going over to the other people and saying "hello"...so I would draw in my sketch book and hope someone would notice, and eventually that just became reflex. I would always take out my sketch book and draw, usually unaware I was doing it to try and click with everybody else...but now, I've gone another direction from art and haven't drawn anything serious in at least 16 months, if not more, and am predicting I will not pursue art as seriously as I once had...so, like you, I feel stuck and confused, not really feeling worth (because, well, art gave me meaning, and now that I've drawn away from that hobby...I'm lost!) in anything...and have shut down.

What I've been doing though, is make an effort in being mindful and use the tools that I have learned from mindfulness classes that I have taken. One tool in particular, I've found extremely helpful. I tell myself whenever the moment is needing it, I tell myself "to watch T.E.S go by". T.E.S is "Thoughts", "Emotions" and "Sensations" and just be aware of that helps allot.

Hang in there! *hug* ​


----------



## hazyjane (Nov 21, 2011)

Are you doing a study abroad program?


----------



## raphaelerfe (Oct 28, 2011)

Thanks for all the advice. It really helped!!!  Now I don't feel that bad


----------



## ainsleigh (Dec 6, 2011)

Find what you love to do and do it just for the joy of it. If you don't know what it is, give yourself the time and space to find it.

Seeking to please others, or to appear the best in the eyes of another will lead you nowhere but empty.

Once you've found your passion the importance of everything else will slip away...

Life is too short to worry about what others think of you!

_____

http://ains-leigh.blogspot.com/


----------

