# when a guy looks at you....



## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

It definately sounds like he might like you. But I wouldn't do anything drastic at this point, just in case. Why don't you try saying hi to him when you guys are among the first in class and see what happens. This might give him an entrance into a conversation with you. Do you like him?


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Yeah, I don't think that's an accident. He sounds like he is interested. 

Give him a smile or nod sometime. That should be enough to get him to make the next move.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

GreyCloud said:


> i think i'll be too nervous to talk to him, even if it is something simple as "hi", a smile maybe i could that. that doesn't sound so hard. but i'm not even sure if he likes me


He likes you, he likes you. Look at how much he looks at you. That's the evidence. He likes you already!

Just say whatever comes to mind. You don't need to be brilliant, just nice. You can do it.


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## Anti-Charisma (Nov 17, 2004)

I always look at girls that I find attractive. I figure most guys do. But I guarantee none of the ones I look at are posing questions on message boards about it because I do it subtly so as not to induce them into a fit of vomiting. I don't think I could handle them furrowing their brow in the international sign for "What the hell are you looking at, freak?" You haven't done _that_ yet have you. That's brutal.

Intentionally standing in your line of sight? This guy sounds like he doesn't have problems with SA. Lucky SOB.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Listen, don't overcomplicate things, he's giving you a clear signal, just smile at him. 

.
opcorn


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

The poor guy is out on a limb, throw him a bone.


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## brokenlight (Mar 10, 2004)

:lol LittleZion

Good luck, GreyCloud. The more I think about actually talking to the guy I'm interested in, the more nervous and impossible it seems. Ignore me though, I think you should say hi to him if you can!


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

brokenlight said:


> :lol LittleZion


...please give the poor guy a smile at least. He needs some encouragement, lol.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

smile back and mean it.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

GreyCloud said:


> how can you be sure though? i mean, he's probably a nice guy that smiles at everyone and is a people watcher and i'm just reading more into it then there is.


I can't be sure, but you can: smile at him and say "Hi" and then watch what happens next. If he approaches you, you know he likes you. If he acts like you've got the plague, then he wasn't interested and you made it all up.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

GreyCloud said:


> LittleZion said:
> 
> 
> > If he acts like you've got the plague, then he wasn't interested and you made it all up.
> ...


this is why shy, genuinely nice guys and girls have such a hard time getting together. they both think the other one isnt interested. Then we ask 'where are all the nice guys/ good girls?

i think you should say hi to him one day, and start up a conversation about something class related to get the talking going and break the ice.


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

Ask him how good he is. If he doesn't know what you're talking about, then he's not interested. :b 

Oh, wait, you're a kid...right, that approach won't work. There's no need to go right up to the guy and start talking to him. He doesn't seem to have a problem looking at you and making a reference to you around his friends, obviously. So I don't think he's exactly the shy type. If he's that interested, let HIM come over and start talking to you.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

yea, but when i was in highschool i had no problem looking at crushes and talking about them to friends, but im the shy type.

If he is just going to look forever, and she knows hes interested, and shes interested, she can break the ice and maybe get something going.


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

Help me understand something, in every class you have with him you sit on the opposite side of the room? Are you avoiding him?


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

So what are you planning to do?


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

So ... what happened ?


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

No, no, that's fine. He's smiling at you, that's good. And it took courage to smile at him, so pat yourself on the back. 

Anyhow, this guy just isn't assertive enough. He's definitely interested, but he's having trouble making an approach. (That's why I keep saying give the guy a break.) Here's your proof that everyone struggles with social anxiety. I think he's a little shy himself.

Anyhow, give the guy a break. Smile at him, give a nod, something. He's having trouble.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Right, and he's made eye contact (a lot) with you, so he's not THAT shy. Just encourage him for a little bit (smile, etc.) and he'll come over to you, or at least he should.


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## Squizzy (Dec 21, 2004)

:lol, if that was me it probably wouldn't even cross my mind that he liked me, I'd be going 'omg-why do I keep ending up near this kid? What if he thinks I'm stalking him?" And then I'd avoid him as much as possible and that'd be the end of it.


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

GreyCloud said:


> he isn't shy around his friends though....


Attractive women sometimes have that effect on men. 

Anyway, I think he might like you and if you want to find out you should try to sit closer to him, so there is more chance for interaction. Ask your friend to move back a few rows. If you are sitting close to him, you can always "drop" your pencil or something so that he can pick it up for you. Or ask about a homework assignment, or commen on how good/bad the professor is, etc.

I take it you haven't told your friend about this guy? Maybe she would have a few ideas.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Sabreth (Dec 2, 2004)

You know, I've had a crush on a girl for a while now. I've talked to her a few times, I usually always look her way and smile, but not all the time.. Seems to stalkerish.

My suggestion, don't leave the guy hanging. Chances are he really does like you. Talk to him, I know if it was the same situation I was in I would love it if you came over and talked to me. ;p


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I agree, don't leave him hanging. Unfortunately, if he doesn't get some positive feedback from you, he may assume you're not interested or just lose interest himself. 

A little eye contact and a smile should be enough. You might have to do it more than once, because he might not "get it" the first time. But give it a time or two, and then just be open to the possibility that, at some point, he might approach you. It will be "his move" at that point. 

I think girls have it much easier than guys, as far as this goes. I know it's nerve-wracking for you, too, but it's the guy who has to take the major risks. All you have to do is let him know you're open to getting to know him better.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

i hate it when guys stare but do nothing about it. i hope he comes and talks to you soon


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

He still hasn't made a move?

Maybe you should ignore him now. It's up to him -- he needs to move or move on.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

What a weenie. He should've made a move.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## brokenlight (Mar 10, 2004)

I don't know. Why do you think that? It might just be taking him a little longer to approach you. :hug


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

reaver221 said:


> LittleZion said:
> 
> 
> > What a weenie. He should've made a move.
> ...


Not really.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I can't believe some of the **** people have said on this page. Well, I guess it all just goes to show you why it's harder for guys. Girls still enjoy being passive.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Agree, you've got to give the guy more to go on.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> I can't believe some of the @#%$ people have said on this page. Well, I guess it all just goes to show you why it's harder for guys. Girls still enjoy being passive.


well, for me anyway, it's more a question of getting away with as much as i can get away with. i don't mean this in a bad way, being very shy and withdrawn and anxious, it's easier to simply accept the standard that a guy should make the first move. is that what i believe? no. i think it's up to anyone, both, whoever. but being that i have anxiety, i find myself mostly too inhibited to argue with the wimp out, back down, take the easy way out side of myself and find myself simply going along with the idea that guys have traditionally been 'expected' to take the lead. i don't believe it. but being weak and shy, it's easy to accept it in practice. for me anyway, its giving in to the idea because it's easier. not a noble way to be, but there you have it. i think many girls without anxiety would feel differently. i hope i would to. did this make any sense?


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

umbrellagirl1980 said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > I can't believe some of the @#%$ people have said on this page. Well, I guess it all just goes to show you why it's harder for guys. Girls still enjoy being passive.
> ...


Yes, I understand. What upsets me is when people believe that it's solely the guy's responsibility, almost as if they think it's a job that he gets paid good money for, so he better [email protected] well do it.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Sounds like he's moved on, you should too.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

relax, you are making much ado about nothing

:hug


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

Mork said:


> relax, you are making much ado about nothing
> 
> :hug


 :agree maybe he purposely waited for you to get up before walking past you


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Karla said:


> Mork said:
> 
> 
> > relax, you are making much ado about nothing
> ...


Agree also. much ado about nothing.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## breaking through (Mar 27, 2006)

why hasent that idiot approached you all that time if he was interested? i mean geez even I an SA-crippled and inexperienced guy would go for it if a girl showed such clear interest in me by looking at me and smiling..too bad that never happened.

my take is that he sensed your shyness, awkwardness and embarrassment and is having fun frustrating you.

move on.


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## alternativesong (Apr 5, 2006)

I think that happensto me a lot. I would notice that a guy was interested and I would get really shy. It was so frustrating. I would automatically think that he must be looking at someone else even if there was no one else around.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

If it were me, I'd be annoyed at the guy by now, wondering why he hasn't done anything but look. He's keeping way too safe a distance. He needs to take a risk and actually (gasp) talk to you. Or you need to talk to him, or something. This is silly, just looking at each other and not doing anything.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

breaking through said:


> my take is that he sensed your shyness, awkwardness and embarrassment and is having fun frustrating you.
> 
> move on.


 :agree 
He might just be stringing you along, which is kind of cute in its own way, since it's the girls who usually do that.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

GreyCloud said:


> to be prefectly honest, i prefer this whole looking and not talking thing as stupid as it may be. if he were to approach me one of these days (which i highly doubt), i would be so nervous, it would end right there and then. i would rather him think that i'm this shy quiet girl than some girl that can't hold a conversation


Yeah, I guess it can be kind of fun, to flirt from a distance. I guess, as a spectator, I was just hoping it would progress beyond that. Vicarious thrills, y' know...

:lol


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## microbe (Apr 3, 2006)

LittleZion said:


> If it were me, I'd be annoyed at the guy by now, wondering why he hasn't done anything but look. He's keeping way too safe a distance. He needs to take a risk and actually (gasp) talk to you. Or you need to talk to him, or something. This is silly, just looking at each other and not doing anything.


some of us guys have SA too


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

GreyCloud said:


> is this really flirting? wow....i've never done that before in my life.


Well, I don't know if it's flirting or not. I'm just assuming that he's looking at you because he's interested. But there could be other explanations: mere curiosity, head games, social retardation, shyness, psychosis, who knows.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

LittleZion said:


> GreyCloud said:
> 
> 
> > to be prefectly honest, i prefer this whole looking and not talking thing as stupid as it may be. if he were to approach me one of these days (which i highly doubt), i would be so nervous, it would end right there and then. i would rather him think that i'm this shy quiet girl than some girl that can't hold a conversation
> ...


lol, me too. i was hoping something would happen between the two of you!


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Still going on, huh? 

He might be trying to get your attention. I don't know. This guy confuses me. I'm not sure what he's up to.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Anti-Charisma said:


> I always look at girls that I find attractive. I figure most guys do. But I guarantee none of the ones I look at are posing questions on message boards about it because I do it subtly so as not to induce them into a fit of vomiting. I don't think I could handle them furrowing their brow in the international sign for "What the hell are you looking at, freak?" You haven't done _that_ yet have you. That's brutal.
> 
> Intentionally standing in your line of sight? This guy sounds like he doesn't have problems with SA. Lucky SOB.


Sounds oh so familiar. It's funny everything that I find to be a problem in me, wouldn't bother me if it was in a girl I was going out with(in some cases I'd find it attractive), yet I feel like women could never find me attractive. I just have this feeling in me that women are more picky than guys.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

seriously, what is wrong with this guy? since he's looking at you so much, he obviously likes you or he wouldn't be looking at you all the time! he should approach you since he doesn't sound like he's the shy SA type of person. i wish i could march up to him and make him talk to you! since he hasn't done anything yet it's so freaking obvious that he likes you, maybe you should start a conversation.....


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

we all agree that this guy likes her right..? or am i reading the signals wrong?


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## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

I think he's very interested and has no idea what to do about it. I might be identifying too much with him so I might very well be wrong, but I'd say he's a bit shy (at least about girls) and is looking for an obvious signal that it's OK to talk to you (or get you to talk to him). It's no fun being a guy and having to do the approaching.


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## BMSMA1A2B3 (Apr 7, 2006)

:agree


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

so, what exactly would be a clear signal that a girl could give to show that it's ok to approach her?


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## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

I'm notoriously bad at picking up such signals, so in my case she'd probably have to write it on a piece of cardboard and hang it around her neck. Smiles and eye contact would be a good start though, or asking about something really minor like asking to borrow a pen or something. That's of course not so trivial for someone with SA..


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Karla said:


> so, what exactly would be a clear signal that a girl could give to show that it's ok to approach her?


A smile, I guess. Not a curt, "I'm just being polite" smile, but a real, friendly one.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I just scanned this thread. GreyCloud, it seems clear to me that you like attention from this guy, but your nervous about either of you taking a next step. Kind of a "be careful what you hope for" scenario?

Anyway, if I had to determine whats going on, I'd say this guy could have the same feelings you do. He may like the safe little flirtation you two have, and be afraid to mess that up, and also be afraid to approach you. His appearing outgoing with a male friend doesn't say anything about his ability to approach a girl he likes. That was my # 1 fear as a kid, way beyond any difficulty I had with guys.

As for what to do now, could you talk school? Exams are coming up, so wouldn't something about the class coming to an end, or concern about the final, be pretty safe? 

If you start a conversation and you get a negative response, then he is either hopelessly shy, or he was just playing and knowing he is a jerk puts you ahead. You also don't have much time left for awkward moments, with classes ending soon. 

But if you start a conversation and it goes well, look at what a big step that would be for you. Taking control of such an important situation would be a major accomplishment, and could lead to all sorts of good things.


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## BMSMA1A2B3 (Apr 7, 2006)

Karla said:


> so, what exactly would be a clear signal that a girl could give to show that it's ok to approach her?


Depends on the situation, of course.

Normally, a smile and eye contact.


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Reading GreyCloud's experiences, I have new appreciation for how irritating shy people must often be. I don't know whether her boy's behavior is caused by shyness (perhaps he's just playing mindgames with her) but regardless, a lot of shy people would act like that, so the example holds. 

I kind of feel hostile towards him now. I'm thinking, "If you're not going to do something, don't do anything." I think it's incredibly rude to put somebody in such confusion for so long as he has done. There are proper and improper ways to treat people, and even if he's shy (which I doubt), that still doesn't justify it. If I couldn't bring myself to make a move I would have stopped everything a long time ago.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

this guy is really starting to bug me too. why hasn't he done anything if he's interested and if he isn't why is he still looking at her? i don't think he's purposely leading her on. i think maybe

1. he really likes her but has no idea how to iniate a conversation
2. he's looking at her out of curisoty cause she's looking at him

hopfully it's not reason #2 and that he is intersted.


this is what i hate about the whole dating/relationship thing, there are so many mixed signals. if you're not interested in someone don't look at them so damn much! lol, i want to come to your campus and talk some sense into this guy! 


would you guys look at a girl you're not interested in simply because she's looking at you?

edit:grammer mistakes :fall


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## BMSMA1A2B3 (Apr 7, 2006)

Karla said:


> would you guys look at her girl you're not interested in simply because she's looking at you?


Hey, I'm single, right now. I'm "interested" in every girl.


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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

i think if i were her, i would be slightly disappointed and annoyed at this point. my advice is to forget about this guy. if all he's been doing to looking for however long this has been, i doubt he's going to make a move before the semester is over. get over him, he's not worth all this effort. find yourself some other guy, one that will talk to you! 

i could be wrong of course, maybe he does like you but is just unsure of how to approach you. but either way, find someone else. you deserve someone that is going to do something, not just look! 

good luck! let us know how this ends!


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Ktgurl said:


> i think if i were her, i would be slightly disappointed and annoyed at this point. my advice is to forget about this guy. if all he's been doing to looking for however long this has been, i doubt he's going to make a move before the semester is over. get over him, he's not worth all this effort. find yourself some other guy, one that will talk to you!


I agree. Speaking as a guy, the longer you wait to make a move, the harder it becomes. So if he hasn't done it by now, I'm pretty sure he's never going to do anything. I'm sorry about that, and I'm sorry he continues to give you (GreyCloud) all these confusing mixed signals, but I think that's the realistic assessment of the matter.


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## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

I wonder what this guy would think if he knew there is a 80+ post long thread dedicated to analyzing his behaviour :lol


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

I find it rather ironic that people on SA forum are giving out advice like "if he hasn't approached you yet move on!!" um hello? :con isn't that pretty much what everyone on here does? "yeah maybe if I just stare at this person and think about them somehow they will get the message that i really want them and we should be together" Gimme a break people. Now granted I didn't read the 6 pages so I don't know what she has done but, hey maybe she can walk up to him (yeah i know that's a stretch) and make a move.


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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

GTI79 said:


> I find it rather ironic that people on SA forum are giving out advice like "if he hasn't approached you yet move on!!" um hello? :con isn't that pretty much what everyone on here does? "yeah maybe if I just stare at this person and think about them somehow they will get the message that i really want them and we should be together" Gimme a break people. Now granted I didn't read the 6 pages so I don't know what she has done but, hey maybe she can walk up to him (yeah i know that's a stretch) and make a move.


they're telling her to move on cause while we all have SA this guy doesn't. he doesn't seem to have any issues with shyness unless of course it's with girls. it might be easier to approach her if they were alone together, without his or her friends around. i find it easier to talk to a guy if there is no one around to listen in on the conversation.



ott said:


> I wonder what this guy would think if he knew there is a 80+ post long thread dedicated to analyzing his behaviour


it's getting close to 90 :lol :lol

i like this thread. i love reading this, it;s like my dailey soap opera.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

Well atleast walk up behind him next time and smack him upside the head for being such a doofus. :lol


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I know it's kind of silly to speculate, but I'm with Kt, I find this soap opera kind of fun. So here's what I think might be going on... He realizes that you like him, that you think he's cute (you said it yourself, so I'm betting you've given off the signals, and how shy you're acting is certainly a signal in itself). 

Naturally, guys love the idea that a girl thinks they're cute -- it's a big ego boost. And he's kind of enjoying that. I bet what he and his friends say about you runs along the lines of, "She likes you, hee hee." So I think he's enjoying that feeling of being liked, and he's kind of keeping that alive by walking next to you and such. 

If we assume he's not shy, then I think the reason he hasn't struck up a conversation with you is that he's enjoying the feeling of being attractive, but he wants to keep it safe (he doesn't have confidence that if he opens his mouth, he won't ruin it). So in other words, he's not so much interested in YOU as he is the fact that you are interested in HIM.

zat is my hypotheziz.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Oh well, don't worry about it. It doesn't look like anything's going to happen, you'll never really know why nothing happened, and in such cases it's best just to move on and get your mind on something new.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

what a jerk to lead you on like that! i absolutely hate guys that do that but now you know, so that's good. why would he stare at you so much when he's not interested in the first place? it doesn't make any sense to me...


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Oh, don't take my hypotheziz too seriously. I'm just guessing, like we all are. Who knows.

Next time you see him looking at you, scream really loud, "*What the hell do you want from me!!??*" Then see what he does. opcorn


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## workman (Mar 5, 2004)

We have no clue what he is thinking. I think it is kind of harsh to think he is a jerk. Maybe he isn't good at approaching women.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

if what LittleZion said is true, then yes there is no doubt in my mind, he is a jerk for leading her on all this time


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Oh, I wouldn't say that means he is a "jerk." I think it's natural to enjoy being liked and found attractive. He hasn't done anything actually harmful to her. In a way, his attention is also a compliment ... I mean, having a butt-ugly girl be attracted to you is not any thrill or ego-boost, so if he's enjoying the attention, he must think you are at least moderately nice/attractive...


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

workman said:


> We have no clue what he is thinking. I think it is kind of harsh to think he is a jerk. Maybe he isn't good at approaching women.


 :nw :nw DING! winner!


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

does this guy have a picture on facebook or whatever? i'm really curious as to what he looks like.....am i the only one really curious about this...? :hide


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Karla said:


> what a jerk to lead you on like that! i absolutely hate guys that do that but now you know, so that's good. why would he stare at you so much when he's not interested in the first place? it doesn't make any sense to me...


I wouldn't say he's a jerk. Give him a break it's really difficult to approach a girl, especially if he's been shot down pretty rudely by previous girls. You can only really understand what it's like if you attempt to approach guys and talk to them. It's hard to carry on a conversation with a girl at least that's what I find. They don't tend to help facilitate the conversation they simply respond to what a guy asks or says. The guy has to provide all the material. This changes once more and more meetings occur but this is generally what I find to occur in the first meetings. I have learned one thing. Never approach a girl in a group; you're just putting yourself into a warzone.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

GreyCloud said:


> oh and he does have a pic on facebook, yes i looked him up. if you want to see it, just pm me, i feel kinda weird and bad posting his pic online though.....


What is facebook? Also do you go to a small school? I never have a person in two of my classes. It's usually only a few familiar people in my class next semester as well.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

GreyCloud said:


> ok so, not to sound like a stalker or anything but i was on facebook earlier and saw that you know who was in a relationship with someone. i've gotten over him and moved on but i still feel kinda disappointed and feel like i should also say on my profile i'm in a relationship only i wouldn't be able to name someone since i'm really not. blah


Yeah this is how it usually is. Typically I'll overhear the person talking about their boyfriend in class or directly to me in a conversation.


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

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## sad118 (Dec 26, 2005)

my facebook....

http://rutgers.facebook.com/profile.php ... 84cc1cdc90


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