# Please, when school starts, break the ice



## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Please, please, please: When school starts, please break the ice!!

University is a friendly place. When approaching people, I almost always got positive responses, and the very rare times I didn't, it was probably for other reasons than "They hate me. I'm a loser" (ie, they just got back a poor grade, their grandmother died, they were surprised at being approached, they're late for work, they're very shy, etc.)

Anyway, you can stop reading here, because I just want to share positive experiences breaking the ice. My anxiety has been pretty low (at times) this year, so I have:

-Approached people coming out of lectures, saying "Was it just me, or have you never been so freakin' confused in your life? What was the prof blabbering about?" and "What did you write for question 5? Wasn't that test crazy hard?" or "How did you do on the midterm?"

-Asked the person next to me if they had a project group;asked a stranger "Do you have a lab partner?", and when they said "yes", turned to someone else and asked "Well, do _you_ have a lab partner?"; replied to a mass e-mail from someone looking for a partner.

-Said to the person sitting near me in class, "What's that word on the blackboard? Thanks. Hey, my name is Jane, nice to meet you"; "You seem to be in all my classes- what program are you in?"; "What did you think of that fieldtrip, yesterday?"

It was scary, but I nearly always got positive responses. The goal wasn't to make lifelong friends, or to impress others with my wit, but just to break the ice and appear approachable. If you wait for people to approach you, you'll be waiting forever.
I made 1 friend and many acquaintances this year. Come September, I plan to sit with them in lectures, and if I'm really courageous, ask "So what are you doing for lunch?"


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## Rasputin (Dec 1, 2003)

thats awesome Jane! :clap I know its hard to do that, it is for me too, but you are right there is almost always a positive response. And think, if you do that just a couple of times a week it can really change your outlook on things. People really are friendly if you smile and act nice. 

Good luck in class im glad things are going well for you!


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## glennz20 (May 1, 2007)

Yeah, university is a great 'testing ground' for those of us with SA, as anxious as I sometimes get there. There's no pressure to talk to people if you feel uncomfortable, but if you're in the right frame of mind and willing to approach sometime, you almost always get a positive response.
Extreme boredom in class is also a good incentive to talk to someone


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Congratulations on the positive steps you took. I'm seriously impressed.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, too. I am going to write those things down (so I don't forget in a fit of anxiety, haha) and really try to break the ice on the first day of class. 

Good luck in September =)


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## Slim Shady (Jun 24, 2008)

That's a pretty good list of achievements that you have there.
And yes, best of luck for when school starts.


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## SADone (Aug 8, 2008)

when school starts I plan on breaking the ice and I have been practicing so i wont look all that awkward.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

For better or worse, I'll be taking a lot of courses with smaller class sizes this year (e.g. 10-20 students). So... I'm probably gonna have to talk to people, or else experience super-awkwardness and alienation. I haven't made a single friend in my program for 3 years now (although I have had some acquaintances). Perhaps this will be the year?

I've attempted breaking the ice before, though I generally flopped because I was too self-conscious, uncomfortable, or just generally resentful towards people. Hopefully I've learned my lesson and that doesn't occur this time... :um


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

I've listed examples of things to say, but I just wanted to add something about "approachable people."

If you're feeling shy about speaking up, identify those who would be most receptive- ie, the people sitting alone, a group of two people, people without headphones, people who show up early to class, people who don't run off afterwards, and if you're good-looking, the opposite sex. 

As well, it might help if you face the person and make eye contact before you say anything. It grabs their attention, and warns them "someone is going to speak."


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I bought used books. I had to give money for the books to people that I didn't know. This was good practice.


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