# going to a bar alone



## The Outsider (Oct 19, 2006)

I'm a newcomer here who's become tired of avoiding social situations of every kind, but this coming Friday I have decided to break this chain and finally go out and meet new people. I have one major problem though, I plan on going bar hopping alone as the friends I have won't join me because they are too socially anxious to go out drinking, or have no desire in going to bars. However, I still want to go out even if I am alone.

This is a huge step for me because my SA has always made me feel insignificant and awkward, and going out alone is only going to magnify this. Either way I want to tackle this problem head-on and use this experience to overcome my fears and try to at least gain some confidence in myself.

Now I know that this could easily become one of those make-or-break scenarios where my being alone could make me a target of ridicule for those that look down at a lone guy in a bar and see him as some sad loser for being with no one. In the end, I know that I must do this or else I will miss a great chance to have fun and to (possibly) make new friends.

Since many of you know how I feel, could you let me know if this is good idea or should I avoid it altogether?


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

First I think that's awesome that you're facing SA head on, it's really the only way to do it for me, things can only get better once you do that. Secondly, I think you're way overanalysing the situation. 

The only people who might notice that you are there alone is the bartender and anyone else who is there alone, and you will probably notice them too. It's not uncommon at all to go to the bar alone, anyone who goes to bars has probably gone alone. 

The bartender sees it all the time (I'm sorry I used to work at a tavern cooking and was out at the bar alot) and won't even give it a second thought. 

The people who are there with somone else(s?) are too busy trying to think of the next line to throw at that girl and what to say and the girls are too busy planning their getaway from creepy. 

Don't worry man, just think about it rationally and don't think about it at all while you're there. I've worked in and around bars for nearly 5 years and trust me, it happens every day.


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## sangha (May 9, 2006)

I think it's a good idea so long as you're not expecting miracles. I would consider it progress if I could just stay in the bar for half an hour and not have a panic attack. IOW, don't expect to get "lucky" the first night out.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Just pretend like you've had a busy day and you need to unwind by having a drink and watching the game (there's usually a game going on at bars). It's not really a big deal. The only problem with going alone is getting home (if you plan to drink). Of course, you could always wait it out.


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## The Outsider (Oct 19, 2006)

thank you for your advice, it has made me alot more comfortable about my situation so i'm going to try my best and make this a fun night.


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## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

Good luck Outsider. I have done this a few times and it's tough. It's really tough if you go to a bar where people you know are there but you are not friends with them and you think that THEY think you are a loser for being by yourself.

When I see people by themselves at bars I don't think twice usually, if I do I'm thinking "There is another guy just like me, out by himself, just chilln..cool."

I"m looking forward to a progress report tommorrow.


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## Tommy1 (Sep 26, 2006)

So how did this go? From your silence I'm guessing it went either really bad or really good


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## salty (Mar 21, 2006)

bars can be really cool or really sad, depending on where you go.

[personal story time]

my friend and i used to go to this place that had just opened down the street from my house: it was great, there was always good music on the jukebox, the bartenders were really cool, they had a great beer selection, great food, and after a while we became regulars so we got all kinds of freebie stuff. there was also a decent amount of people but it wasn't crowded which is nice to me (i like some room to breathe). but then after a few months of being awesome the place switched managers, and they got rid of the cool bartenders, they have about half the beer selection (all of our favorites: gone!), a new jukebox with crappy songs, and half the food and even then only if you get there before 6pm! what am i an alcoholic? oh and speaking of alcoholics, the only people that go there now are sad old men that try to talk to you about their sad lives while you try to enjoy your lame beer.

needless to say we don't go there any more. the place went in the toilet, and now my friend and i have to find a new place. :mum

[/personal story]

going to a bar by yourself can be kind of intimidating, but it's not like anybody's really expecting you to talk to them. if you really want to talk to someone, talk to the bartender. ask them about the beer or the food or if they have special nights (like karaoke or whatever) or bands playing or whatever else you can think of. i never bothered to go out of my way to talk to anybody besides the bartenders; usually are the coolest ones in the place anyway.


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