# Online dating sucks, I quit.



## RonBurgundy (Apr 1, 2012)

I have been doing online dating on OK Cupid for about a year and a few months, and just disabled my account temporarily. Before that, I unfortunately stayed in isolation for about 10 years, not by choice.

I met about 6 girls in a little over a year. I prefer heavier women, but most I noticed after meeting were completely out of shape and if they weren't they were unattractive in other ways like their face or strange figure. I am not claiming to be that attractive myself, I am tall thin and nerdy with bad posture and glasses.

3 of the women seemed REALLY SHADY and most of those I only met once. I also give off bad vibes a lot but those 3 I noticed it myself and it was pretty creepy. At the very least it was an unwelcoming vibe. I knew that if I got involved, something would have blown up in my face at some point sooner or later.

The other 3 women were very friendly and sweet but for the most part were not exciting or sexual. I usually find the crazy, creepy mysterious women to be more exciting sexually and wild but they tend to screw up your life or make demands. The "friendly" one's will be on your side and reasonable at all times but are boring as hell in every other way.

I just think I wasted so many hours messaging probably 100 women 1000 times in order to meet SIX who were literally bottom of the barrell. I am not saying I am a catch, I know that I am not in high demand because of giving off bad vibes, awkward behavior and depression not to mention looks or career, but the whole thing is just a downer. 

The best-looking women on the site never respond.

I am convinced people were not meant to meet through any online dating site, it is always too forced and artificial. First meetings are the most anxiety I practically could ever feel. People were meant to meet in NORMAL GROUPS, like friends of friends, work, school, or anywhere in PERSON. You are better off stopping random women in the street and seeing if you have chemistry than texting a woman from online for 4 months and then possibly never meeting.

Has anyone had any success or horror stories or thoughts on internet dating?


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I've meet one girl on okcupid, I don't even know how many before that I tried to meet, it took a couple of months before a girl was willing to go on a date with me . A long story short, the date went terrible. After that I tried to again find a girl, with no luck. You can do all the right things but still have no luck. Even if you message the least physically attractive girl. Or take the time to look at her profile and comment on one of her interests. It comes down to the fact that girls on online dating sites will give up on you before you even have a chance. I don't know why that is. It might be getting so many messages that they feel overwhelmed. It might be because other guys are making the rest of us look bad by what they write to these girls. The standards on online dating are probably higher than conventional dating. All I know is that you have to be incredibly patient and be wiling to accept rejection after rejection. I still have my profile up. My hope is a lot less than it used to be, but it did give me one date. And some girls write me back (although it doesn't lead anywhere.) I wish I could give you advice, but the only tip I can give you is to be patient. Not just in terms of time, but patient as in accepting constant rejection and not being phased by it.


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## Haruhi (Jul 8, 2011)

ratio of girls/guys is to big. like 50 guys to every 1 girl =P no chance for us =(


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

dont quit ron


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I never chatted with anyone.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Maybe those girls were on the same attractiveness level as you.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

I've dabbled in online dating on and off for the past 10 years. I've never had the balls to meet anyone so I don't know why I bother.


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## aladdin (Mar 25, 2013)

women who do online dating have super high standards that are through the roof. they are not looking for a man, they are looking for mr. perfect. if you dont fit the bill, there are 100 other men who messaged them already. i see relatively attractive women over 30 who keep active profiles for years. i have met dozens of women online over the years (varying levels of attractiveness and age), and never got a single relationship out of it. i have decided to quit soon and accept my fate


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

A lot of very overweight women on dating sites - that has been my experience. I met one woman who was not overweight - she ketp wanting more and more pics of me. I said' why don't we just meet'? We met. She said 'hi' then 'bye'. I don't know what she was looking for in terms of appearance but I didn't have it. She was no looker herself though.


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## ripsta99 (Jun 19, 2011)

u hit it right on the coffin. the thing with online dating is u don't know what u are getting into. could be a man, could be a HIV positive woman, u never know...
best thing to do is find women in your surroundings. obviously not every girl is gonna like u, but if u try at least 100 u will find one. i have a friend who approaches every girl and gets shut down a lot. he is never bothered by it. u have to be that way.


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## RonBurgundy (Apr 1, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Maybe those girls were on the same attractiveness level as you.


I specifically stated I wasn't God's gift, but they were still freaking bottom of the barrell. No need to rub it in.


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## rodger28 (Mar 29, 2013)

maybe your approach is not best? Look at short post about meeting and catching chicks (online or in 'real world' no matter) maybe that put some light.

For me, online is pretty same as 'off-line' in club, beach or at place where I work...


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## RonBurgundy (Apr 1, 2012)

rodger28 said:


> maybe your approach is not best? Look at short post about meeting and catching chicks (online or in 'real world' no matter) maybe that put some light.
> 
> For me, online is pretty same as 'off-line' in club, beach or at place where I work...


Yea I have a bad wrap that is for sure.

The Update is:

that girl I met started texting me how her last boyfriend payed for everything NO QUESTIONS ASKED, and that you "have to have money" as that is part of the deal. She also has a million theories about how men can compartmentalize sex but then she sleeps with 5 guys in a couple of months but now needs a break because her therapist thinks she is a ****. I told her I didn't sign up for OKCupid for friends and she sais it is a social networking site which is B.S.

Finally I texted her that she should look for a hedge fund manager because I can't afford to pay $10 a drink in hipster bars (I'm Poor) and I spent $50 the time we met and she didn't even flirt with me once or seem into me. She is looking for friends or is on some power trip or wants me falling all over her and soak up attention somehow. I'm screwed.


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## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

Yeah, online dating sucks.


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## MurrayJ (Sep 5, 2012)

Haruhi said:


> ratio of girls/guys is to big. like 50 guys to every 1 girl =P no chance for us =(


This. It's funny to hear they get tons of visits and messages every day.

Used twoo and plentyoffish.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

Online dating is a waste of time. The sites attract the wrong kind of women: Women who only care about the way a man looks like regardless of what they look like. Single moms that are below average in attractiveness and want Channing Tatum.

The reason for this is because some super hot guys, in real life or online, will use them for sex, or give them attention thinking they'll get easy sex and it boosts their ego and they go online looking for some muscular boyfriend.

When I was bored years ago I made fake profiles of super hot guys with names like Jake or Sebastian and said things like "Message me when you're ready" and some would actually reply saying "I'm ready..." or if a girl looked at my profile I'd say "Don't worry, I'm hot, but I don't bite" and if I was talking to the girls I'd say "You have a lot of competition you know that?" The things these girls would put up with just for a chance at a hypothetical hot guy, it was ridiculous. Would also give their numbers in a whim or nude pics without even asking for them. I even told one girl that I had a girlfriend just to see what she said, and she still sent me nude pics and told me "You better delete your pics out of your phone after your done with them so you don't get caught" and she was willing to meet up with this guy lol.

These women also complained about "creepy guys" (aka guys they think are physically unattractive) messaging them.

Note: This in no way represents real life women. These women are on these sites for a reason. 

If you're super muscular and macho looking and looking to attract a woman that's a douchebag, then those sites are gold, otherwise you're just wasting time. If a woman is playing hot and cold, sometimes returning your messages, other times not, she's just giving you a little attention to feed her ego while she gives all of her attention to the Jake's and Sebastian's.


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## rodger28 (Mar 29, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> Online dating is a waste of time. The sites attract the wrong kind of women: Women who only care about the way a man looks like regardless of what they look like. Single moms that are below average in attractiveness and want Channing Tatum.


lets be honest, isn't that case in 'real life' too ?


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## namebn (Mar 12, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> Online dating is a waste of time. The sites attract the wrong kind of women: Women who only care about the way a man looks like regardless of what they look like. Single moms that are below average in attractiveness and want Channing Tatum.
> 
> The reason for this is because some super hot guys, in real life or online, will use them for sex, or give them attention thinking they'll get easy sex and it boosts their ego and they go online looking for some muscular boyfriend.
> 
> ...


lol. you should of met up with some of these women just to see what happens.


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

Cupid is complete garbage, I used it, got nowhere even though I was getting a few messages BEFORE I decided to pay up. 

If you're going to use any site try plenty of fish, its popular and best of all FREE. No more money getting wasted alongside time and your soul. 

I posted a thread a while ago about online dating and how its a gamble. Its really not worth it


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

I use Plenty of Fish. Although I have been out on a good number of dates, I don't find myself attracted to any of them either. I still have my profile up though. I usually just scroll through the meet me section and click yes to everyone when I'm bored. The only downfall to that is you have a few people honestly thinking you clicked yes to their profile because you genuinely wanted to meet them. But hey, it works.

You should try it. Believe it or not, most people are shy. They'll only message you if you give them a reason to.


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## Butters Stotch (Nov 9, 2012)

Never tried any of that but it is completely obvious that people who waste time online are somehow damaged. Either they are trying to feed their ego, dig gold or have social anxiety (which is not appealing at all). And if you are looking for a social anxious match than that shouldn't be so difficult to find with some minor online dating sites adjustments.


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> Note: This in no way represents real life women. These women are on these sites for a reason.
> 
> If you're super muscular and macho looking and looking to attract a woman that's a douchebag, then those sites are gold, otherwise you're just wasting time.


Be honest with yourself, would you go out with someone you weren't sexually attracted to? The answer would be no, and you know it. I personally don't respond to men with shirtless pictures, because I'm looking for something serious. But I will do a double take and appreciate his physique. It's the equivalent to a toned female in a bikini. And I'm sure if she gave you the time of day you would be all over it.

Secondly, many people use dating websites for tons of different reasons. It's wrong and not to mention hurtful to make an assumption about why women join dating websites. You should be more careful in your choice of words.


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## Butters Stotch (Nov 9, 2012)

rodger28 said:


> maybe your approach is not best? Look at short post about meeting and catching chicks (online or in 'real world' no matter) maybe that put some light.
> 
> For me, online is pretty same as 'off-line' in club, beach or at place where I work...


I read the thing. It is not descriptive at all. "Be relaxed and show that you don't care." Tell me how to do that?


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

SilentLuke said:


> I've meet one girl on okcupid, I don't even know how many before that I tried to meet, it took a couple of months before a girl was willing to go on a date with me . A long story short, the date went terrible. After that I tried to again find a girl, with no luck. You can do all the right things but still have no luck. Even if you message the least physically attractive girl. Or take the time to look at her profile and comment on one of her interests. It comes down to the fact that girls on online dating sites will give up on you before you even have a chance. I don't know why that is. It might be getting so many messages that they feel overwhelmed. It might be because other guys are making the rest of us look bad by what they write to these girls. The standards on online dating are probably higher than conventional dating. All I know is that you have to be incredibly patient and be wiling to accept rejection after rejection. I still have my profile up. My hope is a lot less than it used to be, but it did give me one date. And some girls write me back (although it doesn't lead anywhere.) I wish I could give you advice, but the only tip I can give you is to be patient. Not just in terms of time, but patient as in accepting constant rejection and not being phased by it.


Its a fact that girls get a LOT more guys contacting them than guys get with girls. Having a very attractive picture is the first hurdle, only after many tests will you get to the stage of contact where you will complete an initial interview, if the girl thinks you are worthy enough she will agree to a date, thats where the real test/interview begins. more than likely you will fail (although you have a slim chance to actually get what you seek) if you fail you will know at the end of the date or after. You will have to pay money of course (you're the guy and buy gifts etc) so its really a gamble. Depends how much you want it, you dont win the lottery unless you buy a ticket

The dating process in modern society is enough to destroy a man's hopes of ever finding someone and turning them into a hermit, at least they know what to expect and where they stand if living away from everyone in mind.


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## thevandal (Aug 12, 2013)

no success. I tried plenty of fish as well. the hottest women never respond. I did get 2 women that bothered to check out my profile after I messaged them but they didn't even say hi. I deleted my account because I just started to feel like crap.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Online dating simply doesn't work for men. That's how I've experienced it.


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## Nono441 (May 14, 2012)

I actually joined a dating site for a while (dunno what I was thinking) but in the couple months I was there my profile was just collecting dust, getting absolutely no views. I sent messages to around 20 girls in my area - there aren't that many - and got zero replies. So I just deleted my account and felt rather bad about the whole experience. The End. Would not do again in hindsight.

So, no, I have no success stories or horror stories to share, in fact it was a complete waste of time, even less useful than signing up on a random forum to view a hyperlink. Pretty sure a lot of the women on dating websites are already in relationships anyway but just keep their accounts active, checking every six months or something. Plus every profile reads the same, making the whole thing feel forced and synthetic, it was almost like picking food brands rather than actual people. Very disturbing IMHO, that's also why I left.

After I deleted my account I created another one but pretending to be a jock instead for fun (and possibly a hint of revenge) but the shirtless pic got rejected, at least I got a good laugh out of it.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*ok cupid, POF*



elektrified said:


> Be honest with yourself, would you go out with someone you weren't sexually attracted to? The answer would be no, and you know it. I personally don't respond to men with shirtless pictures, because I'm looking for something serious. But I will do a double take and appreciate his physique. It's the equivalent to a toned female in a bikini. And I'm sure if she gave you the time of day you would be all over it.
> 
> Secondly, many people use dating websites for tons of different reasons. It's wrong and not to mention hurtful to make an assumption about why women join dating websites. You should be more careful in your choice of words.


I think " would I be attracted to this guy?" and if the answer is yes I reply or message him. I dont give shirtless guys the time of day.

I get ALOT of messages. Like, 5 a day. Most of them say "hey" or something equally stupid. Those messages get ignored & erased.

I dont use it the way some do tho. For me, its just too scary to meet potentially uninterested men who might not be available in person.

I user the sites as a tool to pre-screen. They are single and interested and somewhat attractive - CHECK

SO then right away I ask to meet them. I dont believe in wasting months passing messages to someone who i dont like the smell or voice or shoes of.
If a guy wont meet me or doesnt get back to me, his intrest level isnt high enough and I move on.

I met about 6 guys this summer. 3 of them seemed good and qualified for 2nd dates. The last one broke my heart becuase he went back to his ex GF.

I dont know how to keep at this. It hurts. He seemed over her.

I think all dating is just hard.


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## modus (Apr 27, 2011)

I got a few conversations going my last time on OKC, but eventually they stop responding. I only send one message at a time though, cause I don't want them getting a 'needy' vibe.

But yeah, they came to nothing, even when I thought the convo was going really well. I'm not attracted to large girls so that does limit me a little. It just sucks because I was getting a ton of page visits and responses this last run but couldn't hold their attention.


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## nml (Jan 21, 2012)

nah, they can work. If you're a guy you have to be pretty patient, take good photos and make your profile and messages as witty and interesting as you can manage. I can't comment on what they're like for women, a lot _easier_ it would appear, but hmm with plenty of their own (less obvious) problems too I would guess.

see them as a way to meet people and put yourself out there again.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Ive read somewhere that even if youre average looking or below average looking messaging about 400 girls will maybe get you three positive responses. Thats rediculous.


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

RonBurgundy said:


> The best-looking women on the site never respond.


Thats because its a sham, like the best looking cars in a showroom when the real deal isnt up to the same standards. A front to lure people in. Cupid went further, I got emails from 'women' but of course cant read them until I pay up. After signing up with my soul the emails were obviously generic and I never got any further emails from anyone after that even though I messaged with my heart to many. Trying to get money back from the company is alsopointless, it just gets ignored, even if you regret it immediatly and try and cancel subscription. no free trial

Match.com are just as bad, what makes them worse is that they brag all over television that they are the best. Online dating isnt worth paying for. Only donate money to them if you have a successful marriage because of them which is extremely unlikely


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Maybe those girls were on the same attractiveness level as you.


Agreed. Not to be rude or anything, but most of the guys on here are berating good-looking women for not responding to them, but they themselves wouldn't respond to those they consider unattractive. Double standard.


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

mzmz said:


> SO then right away I ask to meet them. I dont believe in wasting months passing messages to someone who i dont like the smell or voice or shoes of.
> If a guy wont meet me or doesnt get back to me, his intrest level isnt high enough and I move on.


That's just natural. You can't force chemistry. Even the OP acknowledges that he's met women he wasn't attracted to.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> Online dating is a waste of time. The sites attract the wrong kind of women: Women who only care about the way a man looks like regardless of what they look like. Single moms that are below average in attractiveness and want Channing Tatum.
> 
> The reason for this is because some super hot guys, in real life or online, will use them for sex, or give them attention thinking they'll get easy sex and it boosts their ego and they go online looking for some muscular boyfriend.
> 
> ...


Well now you can also kind of see how it is for unattractive women. Women who are good looking get guys putting up with their sh*t and older/overweight/or ugly girls have to deal with that too...

And ive been on sites like that too...women are just looking to masturbate or have sex and so their standards are not high at all. Ive had good looking guys message me crap like 'big johnny thinks youre hot' lmao, that was too much for me to personally ignore, but some women will overlook things like that if the guy is attractive enough. Guys who say things like that are probably using fake pictures or don't know anything about women because those lines are NOT attractive to us.

You would be surprised how well really good looking men have perfected their game, they don't act as douchebaggy as you think. From a woman's point of view I can tell you that if there is a very looking man hitting on you and laying some game on you to make you believe he is a good guy, it can be really hard to turn down his advances...just as I can imagine a hot girl who is a b*tch would be hard to turn down sexually too. It would be easier to turn him down if he acts like a douchebag though; we are not attracted to that! And even if they do act like douchebags women put up with it if they are only looking for sex. And you shouldn't be dating girls like that anyway...

Remember this: girls aren't attracted to the actual douchebag qualities, they are attracted to the animal-like masculinity. Unleash a guy like that into society and see how much of an *sshole he is, and women will be turned off immediately. I guarantee that. Men like that are of low quality and we know it.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I never gained the confidence to try online dating. Sounds like it doesn't work anyway?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

What worked for me once was not giving any attention to the girls who desire it. Thats how I got a gorgeous hot babe to ask me out. It happens but very rarely.


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## Lottoman (Nov 9, 2010)

elektrified said:


> Agreed. Not to be rude or anything, but most of the guys on here are berating good-looking women for not responding to them, but they themselves wouldn't respond to those they consider unattractive. Double standard.


Not true. The problem most guys have with these sites is that unless you mention you have a lot of income or look like a male model/actor hardly any women respond at all. Not the hot ones, not the average ones, and not even the unattractive ones. Some guys who don't meet the above criteria are lucky enough to find someone but the vast majority have little to no success.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

Lottoman said:


> Not true. The problem most guys have with these sites is that unless you mention you have a lot of income or look like a male model/actor hardly any women respond at all. Not the hot ones, not the average ones, and not even the unattractive ones. Some guys who don't meet the above criteria are lucky enough to find someone but the vast majority have little to no success.


Well the OP just said he had success with 6 'bottom of the barrel' women. Maybe guys should also realize that to get a nice girl, she might have to be less attractive; just like women have to deal with that too


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

I am embarrassed to admit that I've considered making a profile on one of those dating sites. :blush

But I'm just too shy. I've never dated in real life, and I'm terrified to attempt it online.


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## Lottoman (Nov 9, 2010)

lisac1919 said:


> Well the OP just said he had success with 6 'bottom of the barrel' women. Maybe guys should also realize that to get a nice girl, she might have to be less attractive; just like women have to deal with that too


 Unattractive guys only wishing to date hot women is a lot more uncommon than people think. A lot of guys on these sites are so starved for attention they wouldn't mind dating someone "bottom of the barrel" as long as her personality was nice and they got along. Also, most would agree it's better to be in the position of someone who gets a constant influx of messages on a dating site than someone who only gets a handful of messages over the course of a year. Even if the majority of those messages are sent by unattractive or possibly sketchy people the odds of finding someone nice are still a helluva lot better.


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

Lottoman said:


> Unattractive guys only wishing to date hot women is a lot more uncommon than people think. A lot of guys on these sites are so starved for attention they wouldn't mind dating someone "bottom of the barrel" as long as her personality was nice and they got along. Also, most would agree it's better to be in the position of someone who gets a constant influx of messages on a dating site than someone who only gets a handful of messages over the course of a year. Even if the majority of those messages are sent by unattractive or possibly sketchy people the odds of finding someone nice are still a helluva lot better.


And I quote:



RonBurgundy said:


> I met about 6 girls in a little over a year. I prefer heavier women, but most I noticed after meeting were completely out of shape and if they weren't they were unattractive in other ways like their face or strange figure. I am not claiming to be that attractive myself, I am tall thin and nerdy with bad posture and glasses.


Men and women are alike in many ways. Create a fake profile of an attractive girl and one who's not so attractive, and see how many messages each of them get.


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## amy94 (Jun 28, 2013)

from a girl's point of view who's used online dating sites, part of the reason for that I think is that I was just bombarded with emails from different guys...I would always immediately delete the sleazy ones asking for sex or dirty pics. I would usually delete the ones coming from guys who's pics I wasn't attracted to without even seeing their profile. There were some guys who looked like supermodels, but I deleted them because perhaps I looked at their profile and I found out they were too different from me and sometimes they were just weird or wanted sex or whatever. Looks are not everything...there were plenty of goodlooking dudes I did not message back for those reasons I stated. I usually went for the average looking dude I was attracted to and who wanted similar things to me and had similarities in personality. Currently, I have deleted my profile, but before I did, I met this wonderful guy who within the first messages, I wasn't really into at all, but the more I talked to him, the more crazy I was about him ^_^ lol I'm glad I continued talking to him even though I really wasn't that into him at first! haha Right now, we're sort of dating, but I'm super afraid my anxiety is going to ruin the relationship we have (( Anyways, that has nothing to do with you lol so I'll just leave you with this: don't get too down on yourself if you get rejected on there...every girl on there is getting a million emails from guys and as a female, we're always on guard as to whether this guy is a fake, or a dangerous creepy lunatic, or just wants sex, etc. Just be respectful, don't ask for her number right away, compliment her and be yourself. don't be overly charming--that might come off as creepy... lol hope this helps!


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

ChuckyFinster said:


> I am embarrassed to admit that I've considered making a profile on one of those dating sites. :blush
> 
> But I'm just too shy. I've never dated in real life, and I'm terrified to attempt it online.


Same here. You would think it would be easier online but nope. It's rough.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

SteinerOfThule said:


> Same here. You would think it would be easier online but nope. It's rough.


Online is much much harder


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

Lottoman said:


> Unattractive guys only wishing to date hot women is a lot more uncommon than people think. A lot of guys on these sites are so starved for attention they wouldn't mind dating someone "bottom of the barrel" as long as her personality was nice and they got along. Also, most would agree it's better to be in the position of someone who gets a constant influx of messages on a dating site than someone who only gets a handful of messages over the course of a year. Even if the majority of those messages are sent by unattractive or possibly sketchy people the odds of finding someone nice are still a helluva lot better.


I was going to write a response to this ^
But now I dont need to becuase of this ----->


amy94 said:


> from a girl's point of view who's used online dating sites, part of the reason for that I think is that I was just bombarded with emails from different guys...I would always immediately delete the sleazy ones asking for sex or dirty pics. I would usually delete the ones coming from guys who's pics I wasn't attracted to without even seeing their profile. There were some guys who looked like supermodels, but I deleted them because perhaps I looked at their profile and I found out they were too different from me and sometimes they were just weird or wanted sex or whatever. Looks are not everything...there were plenty of goodlooking dudes I did not message back for those reasons I stated. I usually went for the average looking dude I was attracted to and who wanted similar things to me and had similarities in personality. Currently, I have deleted my profile, but before I did, I met this wonderful guy who within the first messages, I wasn't really into at all, but the more I talked to him, the more crazy I was about him ^_^ lol I'm glad I continued talking to him even though I really wasn't that into him at first! haha Right now, we're sort of dating, but I'm super afraid my anxiety is going to ruin the relationship we have (( Anyways, that has nothing to do with you lol so I'll just leave you with this: don't get too down on yourself if you get rejected on there...every girl on there is getting a million emails from guys and as a female, we're always on guard as to whether this guy is a fake, or a dangerous creepy lunatic, or just wants sex, etc. Just be respectful, don't ask for her number right away, compliment her and be yourself. don't be overly charming--that might come off as creepy... lol hope this helps!


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

scarpia said:


> A lot of very overweight women on dating sites - that has been my experience.


A lot of the population is becoming overweight.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

jimity said:


> A lot of the population is becoming overweight.


A lot of fat men on dating sites too. not everyone cares about weight. I do, some dont. I just wont date men who are overweight. I know i dont want to have sex with them - thats not fair to either me OR them.

If your fat, you'll have to date someone who is into you or is fat themselves. seems fair to me.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

chaos_preacher said:


> if you have a successful marriage because of them which is extremely unlikely


My bro met his wife online. So at least their is some hope perhaps in it.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Yes, it does.

And I quit too.

I regret nothing.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

"Be honest with yourself, would you go out with someone you weren't sexually attracted to."

Yes, because I know where I stand with women. If a woman is white, not apesh1t crazy (aka call me at late hours or ask me where I'm going if I'm out with family or a friend) and has what I consider a decent looking face, even if she has some extra weight, I'd date her. In no way looking for a "hot girl" or a preppy girl. They look good, but outside of that, nothing in common anyway. I'm a homebody.

Like someone said...this whole "unattractive/average looking guy looking for hot girl" thing is overblown. Not all of us are wannabe pick up artists. I'm an average/decent looking guy looking for an average/decent looking girl, and I'm very liberal with my definition of average/decent. Like I said, a little extra weight or less than perfect body doesn't bother me.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

elektrified said:


> Create a fake profile of an attractive girl and one who's not so attractive, and see how many messages each of them get.


That's common sense, but the unattractive one will still get her fair share of messages.

As has been stated, even if you're an average/decent looking guy, you're lucky to get 3 returned messages for every 100 or 200 you send. I can only imagine what it's like for a sub-par looking guy.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I am glad you quit, I hope also other guys like you quit. Them those women are able to meet someone who cares about them as human and not just piece of meat.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Frostbite said:


> I've dabbled in online dating on and off for the past 10 years. I've never had the balls to meet anyone so I don't know why I bother.


Same issue here. I don't know why I bother trying to chat up women on the net when I know that I would never have the guts to meet them in real life. I used to talk to them while drinking so I was chatty and seemed funny and charming and they'd wanna meet up and I panic and lie or just stop responding.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

mzmz said:


> A lot of fat men on dating sites too. not everyone cares about weight. I do, some dont. I just wont date men who are overweight. I know i dont want to have sex with them - thats not fair to either me OR them.
> 
> If your fat, you'll have to date someone who is into you or is fat themselves. seems fair to me.


I mentioned it because the percentage of the general population is growing larger and larger and so larger people are a lot more common than 20 years ago I believe.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

As for the "guys don't care about a girl's personality if she's hot"...I went on a date with a hot girl from online dating a couple weeks ago. She was a bit overweight in her pics and regular looking and sounded insecure when we texted so I figured we both struggled with self-esteem. When she showed up, she was wearing all pink, really hot, very, very self-assured, rude to the waitress, texting during the date numerous times without any explanation or apology, and tried to convince me to give the waitress a bad tip.

The point? I don't even remember what she looked like in person. A bad personality can make anyone ugly.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

cliffclavin said:


> As for the "guys don't care about a girl's personality if she's hot"...I went on a date with a hot girl from online dating a couple weeks ago. She was a bit overweight in her pics and regular looking and sounded insecure when we texted so I figured we both struggled with self-esteem. When she showed up, she was wearing all pink, really hot, very, very self-assured, rude to the waitress, texting during the date numerous times without any explanation or apology, and tried to convince me to give the waitress a bad tip.
> 
> The point? I don't even remember what she looked like in person. A bad personality can make anyone ugly.


Could be she was covering up her insecurity by overcompensating. She'd probably have changed over time as she got more comfortable.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

jimity said:


> Could be she was covering up her insecurity by overcompensating. She'd probably have changed over time as she got more comfortable.


Even if that's the case, no reason to text during the date and say that the waitress "deserved" a bad tip. That's just outright rude.

Also, she wasn't interested anyway. Got the "You're a nice kid" speech on an online message after the date.


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

ChuckyFinster said:


> I am embarrassed to admit that I've considered making a profile on one of those dating sites. :blush
> 
> But I'm just too shy. I've never dated in real life, and I'm terrified to attempt it online.


Suppose if you just do it for fun and dont take it too seriously it might be okay, but defiantly dont pay for it, match, cupid and other corporations, yes corporations who's goal is to make as much money as possible, probably laugh like a barrel of drunken clowns at people having no success and paying again for round two. Use a free site, dont make these sites even richer


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> As for the "guys don't care about a girl's personality if she's hot"...I went on a date with a hot girl from online dating a couple weeks ago. She was a bit overweight in her pics and regular looking and sounded insecure when we texted so I figured we both struggled with self-esteem. When she showed up, she was wearing all pink, really hot, very, very self-assured, rude to the waitress, texting during the date numerous times without any explanation or apology, and tried to convince me to give the waitress a bad tip.
> 
> The point? I don't even remember what she looked like in person. A bad personality can make anyone ugly.


Sounds like Nicki Minaj to me. Are you sure you didnt get scammed?


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## bintuae (Feb 25, 2012)

i dated a guy frm a dating site and met him 
it was really stressful.. the dating only lasted for a couple of months. He is a jerk. Since then, i just used the site for friendship, fun. 
mostly i get msgs, visits from creepy unattractive guys so i became frustrated ...


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

bintuae said:


> visits from creepy unattractive guys so i became frustrated ...


What makes them creepy, that they're unattractive to you, or are they actually creepy in what they say?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I am glad you quit, I hope also other guys like you quit. Them those women are able to meet someone who cares about them as human and not just piece of meat.


Right, because girls don't care about looks at all.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> Right, because girls don't care about looks at all.


Some does and some don't. What I wish for is that these shallow personalities will meet each others and focus to bug and nag about things they should fix each others because of partners sexual preferences and leave other people alone


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## SA232 (Jun 7, 2013)

Yeah online dating sucks. I've had the same results on OKCupid. And Craigslist, the responses to my ads are usually gay/bisexual guys or spam. And I never get a response when I respond to girls' ads.


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

I've never been on a date, offline or online, but I did make an OKCupid account to see what the site was like. The first thing I noticed was the male:female ratio. OKCupid bragged about its ratio when the site was quite new, but I counted the profiles of people in my area and it was like 4x as many guys than girls. That means that even if every girl finds a date, 75% of the guys remain dateless. Not very encouraging. Second, the girls profiles and preferences. One of the reasons I was curious about online dating was because offline dating wasn't working out. However, after checking out a bunch of profiles I didn't feel like online dating would be any easier. If anything, the large amount of guys on that site would only be more reason for girls to be pickier and wait until their perfect guy comes along. From the questions they answered, you can get an indication of what type of guy the girl is looking for. More often than not, the double standard of "I haven't dated much, but I expect the guy to have had several girlfriends before" pops up. No, it didn't give me any more confidence.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

Online dating is just such a hot mess for the majority of men out there. :no
I don't know why I even bother dipping my toes into the waters occasionally.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*this thread is becoming another "girls have it easier"*



SnowFlakesFire said:


> I am glad you quit, I hope also other guys like you quit. Them those women are able to meet someone who cares about them as human and not just piece of meat.


please stop thinking that girls have it easier.
For me there are things I need a man to have (a nice nose, a not fat frame, hair on his head) and things i dont care so much about (height, car, good income) Stop acting like im the exception in these things. Most PEOPLE (AS IN FEMALE OR MALE PERSONS/HUMAN BEINGS) have some of both things they need the other to have and nice if they haves.

I am not an exception. I am the RULE. Everyone has different needs. 
Hey, if a man says on his profile (and ALOT do) that a women must be well taken care of, financially independent, close to her family, have her own life, sexaully adventurous, love to travel, etc etc etc i dont get bitter although im none of things. I click next. His loss.

LIke hes not going to find what hes looking for becuase even if she exists, shes dating a man with more money or power or looks.

I know I'm NOT a catch okay? but i'm a better catch then the majority of guys who message me. I have sometimes good hair and all my teeth.

So i left both OK Cupid and Ok cupid after the french guy had sex with me and then went back to his ex. 
His pic had been older - he had gained weight but he wasn't fat. He had a great personality (except for the cheating) and I quickly found myself falling for him.

I also suck at dating, im now heartbroken. I went to a singles event and could think of nothing but him.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

mzmz said:


> I know I'm NOT a catch okay?


You are what you think.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*explain your position*



AngelClare said:


> You are what you think.


Uh, I'm pretty sure REALITY dictates what I am. Humans are graded on a scale by other humans. Dating included.:roll


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I am glad you quit, I hope also other guys like you quit. Then those women are able to meet someone who cares about them as human and not just piece of meat.





SnowFlakesFire said:


> Some does and some don't. What I wish for is that these shallow personalities will meet each others and focus to bug and nag about things they should fix each others because of partners sexual preferences and leave other people alone





mzmz said:


> please stop thinking that girls have it easier.
> For me there are things I need a man to have (a nice nose, a not fat frame, hair on his head) and things i dont care so much about (height, car, good income) Stop acting like im the exception in these things. Most PEOPLE (AS IN FEMALE OR MALE PERSONS/HUMAN BEINGS) have some of both things they need the other to have and nice if they haves.
> 
> I am not an exception. I am the RULE. Everyone has different needs.
> ...


Read my above post again and try to get it. Feel free to be piece of meat if you want or shallow, I wish you to find your match. I personally prefer love over looks.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

mzmz said:


> Uh, I'm pretty sure REALITY dictates what I am. Humans are graded on a scale by other humans. Dating included.:roll


Yep this

You are not what you think you are


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## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

I think online dating can be helpful if you know exactly what are your main issues. If it is only a question of "where to meet people" then yeah, it can be nice. Also, for it to work, I think you have to meet quickly, so that no one imagines anything about the other one. And then take it from there. 

I am the opposite, I am so scared of meeting someone that I need to talk and talk, and the guy stops talking to me after a while, and it's understandable. I realized it is not for me, online dating just moves my issue to another area but it's still there. And it was hurtful when I put up my pics and they stopped messaging me. It is fine, it is their choice and preferences and I am not angry. But it just showed me how deep was the hole I am in :lol so now that I know that, I don't need to be unnecessarily hurt anymore.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I have trouble answering messages. It so much pressure. It's hard to decide if I want to put in all the effort to meeting them or not. Dates really take a lot out of me. 

So many guys have such sparse profiles, so it's hard to tell if we'd be compatible. Most of the messages I get are from guys I don't find attractive. But if they are attractive I often think that they are above my level and won't be interested if we meet. It's hard to find someone that is attractive enough but not too attractive.


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## TheBlackPigeon (Aug 10, 2013)

I did my hitch on OKC and POF. It was all right, I guess. I got a decent amount of views, but no dates. But, at least I was honest. I did my best to be witty and entertaining. And, I did get to chat with a couple two tree cool gals, so that was a little win in my book. It was fun, for the most part. Especially the one time that a woman was legitimately offended that a fat man had the audacity to try and engage her in a conversation. 

Whatever, lady. I do what I want.


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## elektrified (Aug 10, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> "Be honest with yourself, would you go out with someone you weren't sexually attracted to."
> 
> and has what I consider a decent looking face, even if she has some extra weight, I'd date her.


So if you don't find anything attractive about her, you wouldn't date her. And if she was out of your desired weight scale, you wouldn't date her.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

There has to be some attraction, even if minimal. Surely you wouldn't date a guy that looked like one of the guys on To Catch A Predator?


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## dreamersoul (Aug 9, 2013)

Tried online dating a few times and never got any replies back. Since people can't see your personality in-person before agreeing to go on a date in online dating, they seem to be far more superficial than if you met in-person first before trying to pursue getting a date with them. Online dating is like window shopping. I'm sticking to meeting women in-person before pursuing anything with them where they can see your personality right away instead of going off of just your pictures or how you word a message.


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## pay8frwd (Aug 18, 2013)

aladdin said:


> women who do online dating have super high standards that are through the roof. they are not looking for a man, they are looking for mr. perfect. if you dont fit the bill, there are 100 other men who messaged them already. i see relatively attractive women over 30 who keep active profiles for years. i have met dozens of women online over the years (varying levels of attractiveness and age), and never got a single relationship out of it. i have decided to quit soon and accept my fate


The road goes both ways. I have found that the men who are online have incredibly high standards and those who are in my age range seem to be trying to recapture their youth by dating twenty somethings. I'm a great catch but as soon as my age began with a 5 my options shrank.


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## littlemissbashful (Jul 29, 2013)

I tried online dating on both sites and found total creepers several wanted me to show them my goodies ( ya that's not happening) in return for their **** pics eww not happening..... I also found some guys that thought because I didn't say anything I was some dumb blonde ( I am shy even online!) they just assumed I was dumb and stopped talking to me altogether. I finally meet 2 guys one dumped me for no apparent reason and months later asked how I was huh?? We are over....... Delete...... I dated another guy who verbally abused me and breaks up with me and later cyberstalks me and I had to get a restraining order against him and change my phone number because he wouldn't leave me alone. Real winners....... Totally done with online dating couldn't pay me to go back to those " free" sites.


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## Michael127 (Dec 10, 2011)

I have done a fair bit of online dating. I have met a few people and the last girl I dated was from a free site. 

I find that it is mostly for short hookups, but not for long term. I would prefer to meet people in person. But, my friends set me up with single mom, no job losers. Lol, I am not interested in those.

If you are hitting hurdles, then try to improve yourself on some level. How you do that is up to you.


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## TheNord (Aug 18, 2013)

Online dating is junk. These are the facts: semi-attractive girls receive hundreds of messages every day, mostly from pervy older men, and very few of the messages are replied to. 

The only way to get a reply is to send a thoughtful message and be good-looking yourself. However, getting a date is much trickier. It's easier and more realistic just to date women who you see in real life.


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## zojirushi (Apr 8, 2013)

The trick is to not use dating sites.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*The trick is to not date!*



zojirushi said:


> The trick is to not use dating sites.


...I'm starting to think the trick is to be born to parents who set you up with an arranged marriage at an early age


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

One of the problems with online dating as a guy, is that if you're lucky enough to get a date, the woman is looking for instant butterflies. There was even a survey about this on okcupid. When asked what a woman is looking for in a guy to get to the second date, she had a laundry list full of demands, basically looking for marriage potential. The guys basically said that if she's a nice person and ok looking and they get along, he's more than willing to go on a second date.

Btw, I'm aware of the problem women face with online dating - the perverted guys that talk dirty or send pics of their members - but those guys should be easy to avoid as they are obvious. If I were a woman, I'd just block them after the first message, no questions asked. There are a lot of good men on those sites who just want a girl, doesn't have to be a hot girl, to give them a chance and either don't get responded to or go on a date and don't get a second date because the woman didn't feel enough "chemistry."


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

Frostbite said:


> I've dabbled in online dating on and off for the past 10 years. I've never had the balls to meet anyone so I don't know why I bother.


Pretty much this except for me it's 5.

I seriously have way more issues than dating though which is way I've all but given up in general.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

cliffclavin said:


> One of the problems with online dating as a guy, is that if you're lucky enough to get a date, the woman is looking for instant butterflies. There was even a survey about this on okcupid. When asked what a woman is looking for in a guy to get to the second date, she had a laundry list full of demands, basically looking for marriage potential. The guys basically said that if she's a nice person and ok looking and they get along, he's more than willing to go on a second date.
> 
> Btw, I'm aware of the problem women face with online dating - the perverted guys that talk dirty or send pics of their members - but those guys should be easy to avoid as they are obvious. If I were a woman, I'd just block them after the first message, no questions asked. There are a lot of good men on those sites who just want a girl, doesn't have to be a hot girl, to give them a chance and either don't get responded to or go on a date and don't get a second date because the woman didn't feel enough physical attraction.


If there is no physical attraction what's the point? How do you have sex with someone you are not attracted to?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

komorikun said:


> If there is no physical attraction what's the point? How do you have sex with someone you are not attracted to?


There is no point.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

These are women who are nothing great themselves and want Channing Tatum. I'd like to be married to Catherine Bell or Jennifer Lawrence, but I'd date/do a regular woman that I'm not as physically/sexually attracted to. It's called reality.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

cliffclavin said:


> These are women who are nothing great themselves and want Channing Tatum. I'd like to be married to Catherine Bell or Jennifer Lawrence, but I'd date/do a regular woman that I'm not as physically/sexually attracted to. It's called reality.


ah ok. More power to you. I sure wouldnt do a plain jane or average woman unless I have romantic feelings for her..


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> ah ok. More power to you. I sure wouldnt do a plain jane or average woman unless I have romantic feelings for her..


Are you really hot yourself? And you make plain jane sound like a bad thing.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't expect the guy to be super hot but I have to get a "I want to kiss this guy right now" feeling when I'm with him. If I feel yucked out by the idea of kissing him then it's not going anywhere. I'd rather just jerk off.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

cliffclavin said:


> Are you really hot yourself? And what's so bad about a "plain jane." I prefer women that don't drench themselves in makeup.


????...Not really. Its her looks that I date. Her attitude is what I marry. Of course if shes flexible, has integrity that fits nicely.


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## NerfherderSheWrote (Jul 30, 2013)

I had an account there for like a week and I just noped right out.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

komorikun said:


> I don't expect the guy to be super hot but I have to get a "I want to kiss this guy right now" feeling when I'm with him.


That's still a lot of physical attraction. For me, it's 3 categories, 1.)Yes, definitely (the ideal, but not holding out for it.) 2.)Blah 3.)Ew

Basically for a woman to be number 3, she'd have to be calvin klein model scrawny, non-Caucasian or one of those Kim Kardasian/Paris Hilton self-promoting narcissistic, no personality/talent types.

I've been on dates with women that were overweight or "plain jane" as the other poster put it, and gladly would have made out with them or went on a second date even though they didn't give me "that feeling." Being a nice person and not being repulsed is more than enough for me, especially if it's just a second date.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

cliffclavin said:


> That's still a lot of physical attraction. For me, it's 3 categories, 1.)Yes, definitely (the ideal, but not holding out for it.) 2.)Blah 3.)Ew
> 
> Basically for a woman to be number 3, she'd have to be calvin klein model scrawny, non-Caucasian or one of those Kim Kardasian/Paris Hilton self-promoting narcissistic, no personality/talent types.
> 
> I've been on dates with women that were overweight or "plain jane" as the other poster put it, and gladly would have made out with them or went on a second date even though they didn't give me "that feeling." Being a nice person and not being repulsed is more than enough for me, especially if it's just a second date.


Average girls I would need to built more rapport with thats if she doesnt pass my physical attraction test. If she was cute, or average than i would still date her but I wouldnt automatically have sex with her.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Average girls I would need to built more rapport with thats if she doesnt pass my physical attraction test. If she was cute, or average than i would still date her but I wouldnt automatically have sex with her.


Have you ever dated at all? I ask because you sound really picky and said you aren't really hot, so I'm wondering with your standards if you've been able to attract one of the hot girls you like?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

cliffclavin said:


> Have you ever dated at all? I ask because you sound really picky and said you aren't really hot, so I'm wondering with your standards if you've been able to attract one of the hot girls you like?


Nope. If it gets to a point where I may not have any hope than I may go with the not so hot babe..


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

RonBurgundy said:


> I have been doing online dating on OK Cupid for about a year and a few months, and just disabled my account temporarily. Before that, I unfortunately stayed in isolation for about 10 years, not by choice.
> 
> I met about 6 girls in a little over a year. I prefer heavier women, but most I noticed after meeting were completely out of shape and if they weren't they were unattractive in other ways like their face or strange figure. I am not claiming to be that attractive myself, I am tall thin and nerdy with bad posture and glasses.
> 
> ...


Yeah. I get ignored from many chicks on dating sites. The ones that do message me are well below my physical attractiveness level. Not many very good looking girls on dating sites in my area.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Yeah. I get ignored from many chicks on dating sites. The ones that do message me are well below my physical attractiveness level. Not many very good looking girls on dating sites in my area.


Aren't you like 100 pounds overweight?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

komorikun said:


> Aren't you like 100 pounds overweight?


Looks are meaningless if you dont know what youre doing or lack common sense.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Looks are meaningless if you dont know what youre doing or lack common sense.


what??


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

Btw, komorikun, some physical attraction matters, I agree, but I no longer need the "Wow" feeling. I guess years of being alone lowered my standards.

Years ago, also, I briefly dated what would be considered a "hot" girl and another girl that would be considered average/cute, maybe even ugly to some guys with higher standards. There was really no difference touching their bodies...it all feels the same. A lot of people are just caught up with visuals and the surface of things. Everyone notices people they think are really attractive, but people who demand a perfect looking bf/gf are overcompensating for lack of happiness in other areas of life.

There was a movie about this called The Shape Of Things with Rachel Weisz and Paul Rudd that addressed people's obsession with outside appearance.


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## Michael127 (Dec 10, 2011)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> ????...Not really. Its her looks that I date. Her attitude is what I marry. Of course if shes flexible, has integrity that fits nicely.


Yeah dude, if you are not really dating, then you need to scratch marriage off the list. You do not even consider marriage until year three or longer.

You might want to stick with the basics e.g. coffee dates and save the ring for later, much later.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> ????...Not really. Its her looks that I date. Her attitude is what I marry. Of course if shes flexible, has integrity that fits nicely.


No offense, but I think this is the main problem. People put _way_ too much stock in looks these days, especially men. An attractive woman who's a bich is _*Not*_ attractive in the long haul, or at least not to me. This is why more attractive people feel like they can get away with what ever they won't.

The sad thing is, because of the way people evaluate based on looks, it's mostly true.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

The Phantom Pain said:


> No offense, but I think this is the main problem. People put _way_ too much stock in looks these days, especially men. An attractive woman who's a bich is _*Not*_ attractive in the long haul, or at least not to me. This is why more attractive people feel like they can get away with what ever they won't.
> 
> The sad thing is, because of the way people evaluate based on looks, it's mostly true.


Phantom, see the movie The Shape Of Things. It's about this exact thing. I can't really say anything about the movie without giving anything away.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

cliffclavin said:


> Phantom, see the movie The Shape Of Things. It's about this exact thing. I can't really say anything about the movie without giving anything away.


I'll check it out. Based on the synopsis though, I think I know exactly were it's going.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

I had an idea where it was going too before I saw the movie...but the final scenes are just like "holy sh1t" even if you've guessed it. Rachel Weisz, as beautiful as she is, she's also a very, very talented actress.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

You've got me interested. I love the cast of it, especially Paul Rudd.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

RonBurgundy said:


> I just think I wasted so many hours messaging probably 100 women 1000 times in order to meet SIX who were literally bottom of the barrell.


It's not a waste of time. You met 6 women you would not have met otherwise. If you continue to meet another 6 and another 6 eventually you'll find someone you connect with. Anyway, what's the alternative? Hitting on women on the streets? You would have to approach hundreds of women to have a good chance of success.

Whatever the problems of online dating it's probably the best option for SA guys.

And try not to think of these women as "bottom of the barrel." They are imperfect human beings like you and me. They thought you were interesting enough to take the trouble to meet you.

The glass is not always half empty.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

AngelClare said:


> It's not a waste of time. You met 6 women you would not have met otherwise. If you continue to meet another 6 and another 6 eventually you'll find someone you connect with. Anyway, what's the alternative? Hitting on women on the streets? You would have to approach hundreds of women to have a good chance of success.
> 
> *Whatever the problems of online dating it's probably the best option for SA guys.*
> 
> ...


Hmm. I wouldnt say the best if not worst. I think you would have a greater chance of finding someone in the real world than some girl in the virtual world. The virtual world is alot more superficial when it comes to attracting a partner. imo



komorikun said:


> what??


What I mean is it doesnt matter what I look like I still cant get women.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Hmm. I wouldnt say the best if not worst. I think you would have a greater chance of finding someone in the real world than some girl in the virtual world. The virtual world is alot more superficial when it comes to attracting a partner. imo


Whether you hit on women in real life or online you still need to approach a large number of women to find a match. Most guys with SA struggle to hit on even one woman much less the hundreds they would need to approach to have real world success.

So if you have SA or if you're uncomfortable approaching women in person then online dating is your option.

I think people get frustrated because they thought it would be easy or they assume it's easy for everyone else. But you'll really have to put in some work and message hundreds of women while receiving only few replies here and there. But at least you're in the game. And it's a whole lot easier than walking up to a woman you don't know and trying to charm her while you're in a state of terror.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

I think a lot of the problem men and women with SA face in the dating world is that they don't have a large social circle in real life. That's how most people meet each other, even the more popular/better looking/extroverted people. They're introduced by someone they mutually know, or meet someone at work or at a party or something.

A guy I know who's really good looking and really extroverted told me most of the women he's dated and slept with in his lifetime were hostesses and waitresses that he worked with at restaurants. He doesn't go up to random strangers and cold approach them.

Several women online have told me that if they're looking for sex, they have "a guy" they can call up, usually a friend or someone they trust. So while guys are out at bars/clubs trying to hit on them and take them home, the woman already has it in her mind that she's going home after and calling her f buddy. Usually this is an ex or a guy they met through their social circle.

The other problem guys on here face, the ones who do have social opportunities, is that because of lack of social skills/dating knowledge, they get friend zoned immediately and aren't seen as "that guy."

Online dating is very, very addictive, and in theory seems like a solution for introverts that don't have social outlets...but for men, you're dealing with women that won't settle for anything less than Aaron Hernandez, and women are dealing with a lot of guys that have an obsession with sending pics of their small members.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*what the hell*



cliffclavin said:


> These are women who are nothing great themselves and want Channing Tatum. I'd like to be married to Catherine Bell or Jennifer Lawrence, but I'd date/do a regular woman that I'm not as physically/sexually attracted to. It's called reality.


Yeah I also like really hot guys but I prefer personality. Just to make clear I AM FEMALE, willing to date MEN THAT ARE NOT REALLY HOT i just need to be attracted. That's not shallow - not any more shallow then a man who wont date a women who is repulsive. I WILL NOT DATE MEN I FIND REPULSIVE. The fact you keep seeming to believe women should think look dont matter at all is called a DOUBLE STANDARD.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

It's a simple problem of too much of a supply of guys, therefore their value is driven down. A girl can be pickier when she's got 100s of messages within a month.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I decided the whole dating site thing wasn't for me. It feels too formal to me, and makes me super anxious. It was also difficult to keep up with all the messages. I know, boohoo, must've been _so_ hard, whatever. It really did suck though.

The most awesome guys I've met online have not been from a dating site.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

mzmz said:


> Yeah I also like really hot guys but I prefer personality. Just to make clear I AM FEMALE, willing to date MEN THAT ARE NOT REALLY HOT i just need to be attracted. That's not shallow - not any more shallow then a man who wont date a women who is repulsive. I WILL NOT DATE MEN I FIND REPULSIVE. The fact you keep seeming to believe women should think look dont matter at all is called a DOUBLE STANDARD.


You seem to be taking it personally...I'm not talking about you. Nothing wrong with wanting a little attraction. I'm talking about the women on dating sites that demand a really hot guy with a great job and seem to think they are entitled to it. It's their problem I guess anyway because you see the same faces on pof years later, still wondering why they haven't found that perfect guy.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> It's a simple problem of too much of a supply of guys, therefore their value is driven down. A girl can be pickier when she's got 100s of messages within a month.


But this supply is actually an illusion. There are about as many men as there are women on these dating sites. It's just that the men spam the women and the women just pick from their many messages.

Men are more prone to spamming because they are more willing to sleep with women they have no genuine interest in.

Despite all that, it's still the best option for shy guys.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AngelClare said:


> But this supply is actually an illusion. There are about as many men as there are women on these dating sites. It's just that the men spam the women and the women just pick from their many messages.
> 
> Men are more prone to spamming because they are more willing to sleep with women they have no genuine interest in.
> 
> Despite all that, it's still the best option for shy guys.


Yeah, so many guys think that a homely woman could get a hot boyfriend on these dating sites since they get many messages. That is not how it works.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, so many guys think that a homely woman could get a hot boyfriend on these dating sites since they get many messages. That is not how it works.


But they could get A boyfriend, which is more than can be said for most men on the site. Most men, even if they get a first date, are extremely, extremely lucky if they get a second date even if the girl isn't hot.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, so many guys think that a homely woman could get a hot boyfriend on these dating sites since they get many messages. That is not how it works.


I agree

I know many guys already in relationships spamming pof okcupid etc

I think there are even fewer datable guys online then women but the issue is that so many guys are just looking to get laid they will spam and say anything

Consequently women find this out but continue to show same dating patterns which is why ppl rarely get beyond online dating


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, so many guys think that a homely woman could get a hot boyfriend on these dating sites since they get many messages. That is not how it works.


It's still better than what men are getting. Getting a date is like half the battle won in terms of getting a relationship. Most men don't even get a decent reply.

I think there was a study done by OKCupid which showed that women rated 80% of the guy as below average.
Now, this means two things:
1) Guys on OKCupid are really ****ty 
or
2) Girls on OKCupid have really high standards.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

gunner21 said:


> It's still better than what men are getting. Getting a date is like half the battle won in terms of getting a relationship. Most men don't even get a decent reply.
> 
> I think there was a study done by OKCupid which showed that women rated 80% of the guy as below average.
> Now, this means two things:
> ...


Look at it this way. At least women are not trying to waste your time.

Cause getting a date is NOT half the battle won in terms of getting a relationship for women. And that is because guys are not all that selective about who they go on dates with.

Maybe the guys on OKCupid are less attractive than average.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Maybe the guys on OKCupid are less attractive than average.


I've looked at the guys on OKcupid...absolutely nothing wrong with the way they look for the most part. The women on here, even if they aren't models themselves, are looking for Ryan Reynolds.

I think the reason most men with SA fail at dating isn't because of the shallow women on online dating sites, but because they aren't good at meeting people and making new friends in the real world. That's how most people meet each other and why you see sub-par women with good looking men and sub-par men with good looking women, or even sub-par or average men with sub-par or average women. People meet each other in real life.

Online, all you have is pictures and a written profile, and most women don't read the profile (some men don't too.) It makes it easier to catalog shop and just go by what looks the best. In real life people give off vibes and have mannerisms and people flirt. Online takes away that element completely.

If you ask me, and this is someone who's been on quite a few online dates with varying success, meeting someone in person is the way to go. It's harder, yes, but "hotness" doesn't play as much of a role and you're not putting yourself on display for women that demand physical perfection, or for women, men that say dirty things behind a computer that they'd be too afraid to say in real life.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

cliffclavin said:


> I've looked at the guys on OKcupid...absolutely nothing wrong with the way they look for the most part. The women on here, even if they aren't models themselves, are looking for Ryan Reynolds.
> 
> I think the reason most men with SA fail at dating isn't because of the shallow women on online dating sites, but because they aren't good at meeting people and making new friends in the real world. That's how most people meet each other and why you see sub-par women with good looking men and sub-par men with good looking women, or even sub-par or average men with sub-par or average women. People meet each other in real life.
> 
> ...


I read the profile as long as it's not too long winded. Many profiles are empty though. I don't think women are looking for super hot guys, just someone that they can see themselves kissing. But yes, meeting in person tells you much more about the person.

I don't know too much about meeting people in the real world. I've never had much of any friends and I don't go out and socialize much. The only thing that has worked is going to bars and clubs but it's a lot of work and the hangovers are not pleasant. Online dating has only gotten me 1st or 2nd dates, nothing beyond that. Either I lost interest or the guy did. And I think 2 or 3 of the guys I went out with had live-in gfs.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I read the profile as long as it's not too long winded. Many profiles are empty though. I don't think women are looking for super hot guys, just someone that they can see themselves kissing. But yes, meeting in person tells you much more about the person.
> 
> I don't know too much about meeting people in the real world. I've never had much of any friends and I don't go out and socialize much. The only thing that has worked is going to bars and clubs but it's a lot of work and the hangovers are not pleasant. Online dating has only gotten me 1st or 2nd dates, nothing beyond that. Either I lost interest or the guy did. And I think 2 or 3 of the guys I went out with had live-in gfs.


What were clues that they were already involved


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

cliffclavin said:


> One of the problems with online dating as a guy, is that if you're lucky enough to get a date, the woman is looking for instant butterflies. There was even a survey about this on okcupid. When asked what a woman is looking for in a guy to get to the second date, she had a laundry list full of demands, basically looking for marriage potential. The guys basically said that if she's a nice person and ok looking and they get along, he's more than willing to go on a second date.


Yeah, its like a job interview, if you passed in this but missed a few check boxes it could be over within a heartbeat. Its more pressure for people with SA. With all honesty to me it just feels like a hopeless test you're almost certain you will fail.



MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Yeah. I get ignored from many chicks on dating sites. The ones that do message me are well below my physical attractiveness level. Not many very good looking girls on dating sites in my area.


Doesnt it feel like you have to have premium service or something to get anything higher? When I was last on a dating site I was getting woman over 50 with kids who would occasionally reply (although usually like generic icebreakers) and I had to be thankful for that. Online dating might not give you what you're looking for, in fact unless your Patrick Swayze or Harry Styles (yes having the two in the same sentence in blasphemy, it shows how bad society has gotten) you are taking a complete gamble because most sites wont even give you an inch until you cough up, then will give you no support except for good luck.

In fact these sites (like match) are so sneaky they have auto-renewal, after the 3 months or whatever they will charge you again and start the whole hopeless process again. Once they take your money good luck trying to get it back, it will be gone. 

Match and Cupid are examples of heartless corporations taking advantage of people who crawl to dating sites to try and fill that void, a void that society helps create


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## Vespera (Mar 13, 2013)

wow so many reply's. Personally I dont expect much from online dating, I mean its online dating and people that are online obviously struggle with dating.. You might get lucky but I wouldnt put all bets on it


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

chaos_preacher said:


> Yeah, its like a job interview, if you passed in this but missed a few check boxes it could be over within a heartbeat. Its more pressure for people with SA. With all honesty to me it just feels like a hopeless test you're almost certain you will fail.
> 
> *Doesnt it feel like you have to have premium service or something to get anything higher? When I was last on a dating site I was getting woman over 50 with kids who would occasionally reply (although usually like generic icebreakers) and I had to be thankful for that. *Online dating might not give you what you're looking for, in fact unless your Patrick Swayze or Harry Styles (yes having the two in the same sentence in blasphemy, it shows how bad society has gotten) you are taking a complete gamble because most sites wont even give you an inch until you cough up, then will give you no support except for good luck.
> 
> ...


Yeah I have no clue about the sites you have to pay for. I never use those sites.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*citizians of double standerd land*



komorikun said:


> Yeah, so many guys think that a homely woman could get a hot boyfriend on these dating sites since they get many messages. That is not how it works.


^ ANY women cannot get BF on that site unless she settles . LETS BE CLEAR. On Earth, there are an equal number on 1's, 2's, 3's 4's 5's 6's 7's 8's 9's and 10's. 
You dont hear threads or see commercails or TV shows where a 10 man like brad pitt is expected to date a rosanne barr, yet all the time you see a gwenith paltrow dating a ....really ugly fat boring guy and people go ahh ok yeah.

I dont care how many times i see it on tv...im not settling for somone. ANd i dont have to . i'm a 4 or 5 who belongs with another 4 or 5. asking me to setltle for a 2 or 3 is unfair.



komorikun said:


> Look at it this way. At least women are not trying to waste your time.
> 
> Cause getting a date is NOT half the battle won in terms of getting a relationship for women. And that is because guys are not all that selective about who they go on dates with.


 :yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes:yes


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

cliffclavin said:


> I think the reason most men with SA fail at dating isn't because of the shallow women on online dating sites, but because they aren't good at meeting people and making new friends in the real world. That's how most people meet each other


I agree. But that's exactly why online dating is their best bet despite the poor odds. If they can't even make friends what makes you think they have any shot at picking up a woman in real life?

So, to the OP, don't quit online dating unless you're able to approach dozens of women every month and have a decent social network.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

mzmz said:


> ^ ANY women cannot get BF on that site unless she settles . LETS BE CLEAR. On Earth, there are an equal number on 1's, 2's, 3's 4's 5's 6's 7's 8's 9's and 10's.
> You dont hear threads or see commercials or TV shows where a 10 man like brad pitt is expected to date a Rosanne barr, yet all the time you see a Gweneth paltrow dating a ....really ugly fat boring guy and people go ahh ok yeah.
> 
> I dont care how many times i see it on tv...im not settling for somone. ANd i dont have to . i'm a 4 or 5 who belongs with another 4 or 5. asking me to setltle for a 2 or 3 is unfair.
> ...


Your first sentence is false. Distributions are rarely flat. It's usually a normal distribution. In other words, very few 10's and very few 1's but lots and lots of 4's,5's and 6's.

We had a thread where a member (mezzoforte) posted a large number of pics and asked everyone to rate them. Surprisingly, the numbers were all over the place. The range for any one person was usually around 4. In other words, the same person received ratings raging from 4 to 8.

There is no absolute number. You're not a 4 or 5. Some people will think you're a 4 and others will think you're a 7 and maybe someone will think you're an 8.

But physical beauty is only ONE DIMENSION! People will also rate your intelligence, personality, character, style, profession, etc. And different people will weigh those other dimensions differently. Maybe you put a high weight on looks but you may meet someone who puts more weight on personality.

Everyone settles. No one gets everything they want in a partner. If you date a beautiful male model who can't even find Mexico on a map are you "settling"? Of course you are. We all have some aspect which is "sub-par" and need a partner who will love us despite our deficiencies.

No one is saying that you should date people you find repulsive. *I'm just saying that this world view where people are seen one dimensionally as numbers is extremely toxic and unhealthy*. You've said, "I'm not a great catch" and "I'm a 4 or 5" these are toxic beliefs.

I'm not sure why you're clinging so tenaciously to a belief system that is obviously causing you a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering.

I know you will simply dismiss what I said as being idealistic. But seeing people as being multidimensional and the importance and valuations of these dimensions as subjective is a far far more realistic and healthy world view.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*I dont*

I dont think the number system I expound IS based on solely looks. I was using it as a holistic system.
Oh, Sorry bout the double post by the way!

:dd


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

scarpia said:


> A lot of very overweight women on dating sites - that has been my experience. I met one woman who was not overweight -* she ketp wanting more and more pics of me. *I said' why don't we just meet'? We met. She said 'hi' then 'bye'. I don't know what she was looking for in terms of appearance but I didn't have it. She was no looker herself though.


So did you send her a pic?


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

I still say real life is preferable over online dating even for people with SA. For one thing, there are more people out in the real world. Online dating if you're on the sites long enough have the same faces there over and over again. Another thing, you know instantly where you stand. If a girl rejects you, unless she is beyond rude, she will just let you down nicely or say she has a boyfriend or make body language that indicates she doesn't want you.

Online, you're dealing with a low quality of people - women that care way too much about a man's looks even at the cost of personality, and for the women, men that send pics of their members and ask for sexual favors.

In person, if you're a guy/girl that isn't above average looking or really good looking, you can make up for it in other ways, such as vibe/mannerisms, hitting it off etc.. Hard and easier said than done, yes, but more plausible than clicking with someone online, and this is coming from someone who's had a reluctant love and hate relationship/obsession with online dating for 5 years.

All of my dating luck, the little I've had, was in real life. Actually, I did meet a girl on okcupid with a personality identical to mine and dated her for a while, but that was after what, messaging thousands of women and wasting way too much time on okcupid and pof and likely would have met someone like that much earlier had I tried in real life.

The other thing is, I'm proof that extreme SA can be overcome. In 2007/2008 I couldn't even look attractive female relatives in the eye, and when I approached women in real life or even talked to a girl I had a reason to be talking to in a class or whatever, I would shake/stutter/sweat. I still have sub par social skills, but I can make direct eye contact and don't shake/stutter/sweat or have obvious signs of SA. If someone is making fun of me, it's because they have a problem with my appearance or just being socially uncool.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

cliffclavin said:


> I still say real life is preferable over online dating even for people with SA. For one thing, there are more people out in the real world. Online dating if you're on the sites long enough have the same faces there over and over again. Another thing, you know instantly where you stand. If a girl rejects you, unless she is beyond rude, she will just let you down nicely or say she has a boyfriend or make body language that indicates she doesn't want you.
> 
> Online, you're dealing with a low quality of people - women that care way too much about a man's looks even at the cost of personality, and for the women, men that send pics of their members and ask for sexual favors.
> 
> ...


So have you gotten a gf using real life approaches? Dates?


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

Zeeshan said:


> So have you gotten a gf using real life approaches? Dates?


Dates/short term girlfriends? Yes. Never had a long term girlfriend before.

Also, by approaches, I don't mean that pick up artist stuff where you go up to some girl you don't know at the mall, I just mean being introduced through someone you know, or in a class, or being at a function of some kind (bad example, but wine tasting comes to mind) and making conversation with a woman.

Two girls I dated/had dates with I'll admit were by luck. I went to high school with them and ran into them years later, so there was that built in "I know who you are" thing even though I had never talked to either once during high school. Also, I was the most unpopular kid in a class of 700/800 people.

Also, my brother does the pick-up artist stuff and isn't Mr. Extrovert...only he leaves out the douche stuff and just flirts without being a prick, and has gotten several numbers that led to dates while on public transportation or in the city.

As for the bar/club scene, never had any luck there. Don't go to clubs, and when I've tried to talk to women at bars, just failed miserably. I think it comes down more to looks and extraversion there.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

cliffclavin said:


> Dates/short term girlfriends? Yes. Never had a long term girlfriend before.
> 
> Also, by approaches, I don't mean that pick up artist stuff where you go up to some girl you don't know at the mall, I just mean being introduced through someone you know, or in a class, or being at a function of some kind (bad example, but wine tasting comes to mind) and making conversation with a woman.
> 
> ...


Do you know if some girls at clubs are there to get laid? Ive heard they go even if they have boyfriends which I dont want to get involved.


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## PerfectDark (Dec 27, 2012)

RonBurgundy said:


> Yea I have a bad wrap that is for sure.
> 
> that girl I met started texting me how her last boyfriend payed for everything NO QUESTIONS ASKED*.
> ...
> ...


Why did you even reply? You are not interested in her, she isn't in you (except for getting attention). Just ignore her. Most people get it. I used to hate that move but after starting online dating I realized it's in general the best thing to do as directly telling someone you don't want to see him anymore can be hurtful.



amy94 said:


> from a girl's point of view who's used online dating sites, part of the reason for that I think is that I was just bombarded with emails from different guys...I would always immediately delete the sleazy ones asking for sex or dirty pics. *I would usually delete the ones coming from guys who's pics I wasn't attracted to* without even seeing their profile.


Exactly that's the point. And with all the mails you get your standard will consciously or not get higher. Online dating is only for attractive people (I would say at least 6-7 or higher). Especially as man you can compensate by taking good care of yourself but in the end the picture(s) matter. As a man it pays of to "cheat" eg. if your normal dress in jeans and t-shirt still show pics (or intentionally make them for the dating site) showing you in a suit. Yeah, I'm def. with Barney here and I don't even own a suit. Then just show up in jeans to the date and then you have the chances she likes you and then closing doesn't matter much anymore.


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## cliffclavin (May 21, 2013)

Looks are everything to women online. If you're not at least an 8 in looks or the woman's type, don't bother unless you want some 50 year old woman with a smoker's voice or morbidly obese single mother.

In real life, you have a chance at least of finding a lot of women that aren't as consumed by hotness, or you're her type.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

SteinerOfThule said:


> I never gained the confidence to try online dating. Sounds like it doesn't work anyway?


Same, I am lonely and too shy in real life, yet all these posts are just validating my reluctance.


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## PerfectDark (Dec 27, 2012)

chaos_preacher said:


> Yeah, its like a job interview, if you passed in this but missed a few check boxes it could be over within a heartbeat. Its more pressure for people with SA. With all honesty to me it just feels like a hopeless test you're almost certain you will fail.
> 
> Doesnt it feel like you have to have premium service or something to get anything higher?
> ...
> Match and Cupid are examples of heartless corporations taking advantage of people who crawl to dating sites to try and fill that void, a void that society helps create


Yeah of course someone made a business not because he is nice but because out of money. that holds true for any business. Yeah auto-subscription is sneaky but we had that here too until 1 year ago with phone contracts. So if you had a 2 year contract and forgot to cancel...you get the point. It's sneaky but it's also not hard to deal with it. Just instantly cancel after subscribing.

Paid sites obviously are the way to go. On other sites you have probably 60% inactive and 30% trolls or such so that's not exactly great for your success rate.



cliffclavin said:


> Online, you're dealing with a low quality of people - women that care way too much about a man's looks even at the cost of personality, and for the women, men that send pics of their members and ask for sexual favors.


Yeah, use clichees to make your point.

I'm not saying it's the ultimate solution for everyone but people complaining here are just looking for justifications why not to try it out or why it failed. First forget free sites as said above. Else you just need to be open and stop being judgmental and blaming others. I tried it for 2 years on and of. had about 20 dates but only about 3 second dates. Mostly I wasn't interested myself which does not mean they were ugly or bad persons. I also blame SA and my lack of confidence. in the end it was one of the aspects that finally made me start therapy.

I then started therapy couple and month later I tried online dating again and had several dates instantly and 2 of them great and one of them I have now been seeing for couple weeks. It can be pure chance but I bet that this was the first effect of therapy. So yeah its hard, difficult and frustrating. But by just sitting at home and complaining and judging, things will never get better.


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## MurrayJ (Sep 5, 2012)

A few weeks ago I met someone who wanted to meet up after an hour or two.
The first day she even started dirty talk, at this moment I thought she was fake, her cam proved me wrong though
didn't msg'ed her a day and she already had another bf
found out she had a ton of bf's this year
sex addict I guess

but her talking was so superficial from the start, so I knew it was too good to be true


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## Marc999 (Mar 25, 2013)

Haha, yes online dating is a dog eat dog world. It's horrible. 
Full of disbelief, caution to the extreme, fake profiles or people that embellish the truth to the 9th degree.

Women that I would normally not have a problem going out on dates with, now view me as just another number and nothing special.
The women have so many options at their disposal that your place on the totem pole slides down to ground zero. It's humiliating, but not in a real sense. 

Meaning online dating in no way shape or form, resembles a normal dating atmosphere at all. You've got women that are barely a 6 or 7 / 10, writing profiles that make it look like they're Queen Victoria herself. Not that Queen Victoria was that attractive, but you get the point. 

Unfortunately it's still a common way to date but I would prioritize that method as very low on my list of things to do.


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## Michael127 (Dec 10, 2011)

I have been on lots of dates from OK Cupid or POF. Based on my experience, I recommend just going for coffee dates and keep it short on the first one. I really do not recommend drink dates as they get expensive fast. If you have lots of money, then that is no big deal.

I don't think any of you should be creating fake online profiles; that is really weird.


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## JimS90 (May 19, 2013)

Some scary stories...I feel for you guys, I really do.

My brother used it when he was very lonely and met up with some fat chick that drove a van. The short story is she was hideous and they both hated each other. 

I've never done it, but I was considering it for years until my Mum started using singles 365. Nearly got conned by Nigerians at least once and met up with countless weirdos.

It's all a con anyway. It's proven that staff send out messages from fake accounts just to make you sign up.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I tried it and didn't get any responses. Most people I know of who used it told me they'd at least meet 3-4 girls after a while. Of course I'd be the only person to try it for years and not meet anybody.


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## typicalanimal (Oct 15, 2013)

I have a huge list of people I messaged on pof, it's getting ridiculous now. 90%+ of them never messaged back. Noone I talked to seemed serious about meeting me.


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## paperheart (Apr 23, 2010)

i just deactivated my account but that's bc i'm feeling low and probably wouldn't know what to do if mr. right came my way sad to say. but before getting to that point i noticed as a relatively attractive female-- online dating went in phrases for me: beginning- i was happy and responsive, NEVER ever responded to shirtless guys, or demeaning PMs, middle- started to feel drained and a bit depress, less due to the site but what was going on w.my personal life. so i responded based on the most superficial criteria (income/looks/how selective the person was) and found that most of the time I wasn't too into it nor were the other person. You can pick up on each others energy. End- closed account. Going back on when I feel better.

so long story short I think A LOT has to do with how you feel about yourself or it becomes an exercise in frustration. If after awhile you notice these sites aren't working, close the cr*p down, and look for another dating outlet...through your hobbies (online/offline), meet up singles group?


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Well..least you learned something


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

I agree... lol.


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## Bluestar29 (Oct 26, 2013)

Tried it and didn't like it. I don't know it seem like every girl has(had) a psychological problem. I did however met a few ( just one ) that was just a shy(normal) girl.


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## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

SteinerOfThule said:


> I never gained the confidence to try online dating. Sounds like it doesn't work anyway?


Nope nevered worked for me. Had a match.com and OKCupid profile up just to see the what would happen. On OKCupid a person messaged me claiming to be a women but turned out to be a scammer. Didn't give any personal info. I am turned off by online dating. All.full of scammers and bad people. I am perfectly happy going to a bar yo pick up women but am bit lacking in self confidence and general cowardness beacuse I think would want to date a bachlour


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## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

Tried online dating, didn't like the women and didn't trust the profiles. Long story short. Will be going to bar or gym or meet up single group. If that don't work then I guess I will wait for another 4 years


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## NYCman (Jan 17, 2014)

*Yes, Online dating does suck!*

I have tried online dating off and on for a few years and I have not gotten no where. I consider myself a decent looking 45 yr old divorced guy from Long Island, NY now living in South Carolina. I am a single dad, raised her mostly on my own, with really no help from my cheating ex-wife. I have a good personality; funny, smart, etc. I have great build - I work out all the time too. The only flaw I truly have is I'm 5'2". I try not to see it as a flaw but when you get rejected over and over, because of your height, you start to see your height as a flaw and it gets depressing.

My last encounter with online dating had to be the worst experience I've had since I found out my wife(now ex) was cheating on me. This one truly broke my heart. I met her on OKCupid, with me contacting her first. We were both Giants fans so we started chatting it up pretty quickly. Soon, I got her number and we texted all the time. She really came after me - ex: Why aren't you here with me now? I want you! I want to kiss you!, etc. It really turned me on! We started talking on the phone and finally made a date to meet.

I really liked this girl. She was very cute, sounded like she was from NY, seemed like a lot of fun so I wanted to show her a good time - sweep her off her feet. I reserved a room at a very nice hotel, right in the middle of a city in South Carolina and we met there. She drove an hour away and so did I. We went out to eat, had drinks and then made love afterward. I should have noticed the next morning that something was wrong. She was very distant. Not at all the way she was the night before. I thought I did something wrong.
I started to worry I lost her. I now think she was never interested in the first place.

The weekend after, I had to go to Long Island for a family thing. We texted all the time. Even spoke on the phone, like everything was great. I was so happy!! I met her again the weekend following. We went out to some wineries in North Carolina, met her son, went out to eat and I stayed over her place. 
The next day, the same thing - very distant. That would be the last time I saw her. She canceled a meeting for the following weekend and then told me "She wasn't ready for a relationship". We texted and talk for a few months after. I was very depressed! To her defense, I did act a little clingy. I have been alone for so long, it felt great to have someone I thought cared for me again. I was scared to loose her but I don't think I ever had her to begin with.

I finally stopped talking to her last week after I noticed she had been on Cupid again, realizing she must be talking to other guys. Why was she on there if she wasn't ready for a relationship? It was all BS. I had had enough.

So now I just go through life planning my move to Florida, away from this small SC town I live in with no women my age at all, just girls(18-27 mostly). I went on a few dates after her but no sparks. Dating to me was and is a waist of time. I would rather spend time with my daughter and dog then a using B**ch. I never want to feel that kind of pain again and I won't. I won't let it ever happen to me again.


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## Enoxyla (Jan 16, 2014)

actually....i met my bf online, years ago, then we started to talk again, in that way this time, and then he came to europe (where i live) all the way from america, twice. second time to stay here. and then i went there twice. now im back here and he's there and yeah.


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## AimeeKim (Oct 12, 2013)

I kind of wish there was a dating site specifically for shy people? Is there one? There seems to be dating sites for every kind of person now, even one for 'ugly people'. It's just, I can only imagine myself being with someone who shares similar social anxiety issues, so they understand what it is like. But of course, nobody wants to advertise on their dating profile that they have SA or are shy and quiet.

Someone said that this site can technically be the 'unofficial' dating site to meet other people with SA, but generally, I see not much people respond on here...x) 

Idk, these are just random thoughts I have, because I have been considering online dating for awhile now.


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## Midwesterner (Aug 30, 2013)

I've gone on 25+ first dates from dating sites in a matter of about 3 years so I guess you could say I'm sort of a veteran. I have a bunch of stories but I'll try to stay straight to the point. 

As people said, looks definitely matter. I'm not bad looking so I do get more responses than many guys from what I've read on their results. 

I don't have a college degree, and that has hurt me a lot on the dating sites. I know that many women see that and aren't interested in me because of that. That makes sense, they want a family, so i can't complain about that. 

The one thing that a guy must understand is the flake rate is unbelievably high. Out of all the women I've messaged, which by now geez, it's gotta be over a 1000, I have slept with 6. Let's say i messaged 1500 women, .4% of the time I got that big goal of bedtime. The reason that's a big goal for me is because I hardly ever get it. And apparently I'm already at the average # of women slept with the average male 30 years +. So a lot of people aren't getting sex in general, which crushes the stereotype portrayed by the media that they try to pound into our heads.

The women i slept with were all out of shape, the few that were decent looking rejected me after the first date. 

My rundown of dating sites is this. If you lower your standards and are looking for a good time, online dating is actually the best way to get laid. The reason why is all the women are single on there, and you can message 100s of women in one day if you really want to. So statistically, your odds of getting laid quickly are better online. Unless you live in the country far from cities.

If you have average-high standards, I question whether it's possible to find a girl online that actually will live up to what you want as far as looks go. 

I've met some girls and had some great times. Great conversations. It's helped out my confidence and i can't complain about the intimate activities, they were ok even though the women weren't really attractive to me. You can call me a jerk but what am I supposed to do? Just sit home alone? It's really hard to meet people and this is the only way I knew how to get out of my house. 

I went to a bar alone a few times the past few weeks and it's just a reminder of how difficult it is to get a decent looking girl. Out of the 45 or so cold approaches in real life I've done on almost all decent looking women, i got one number. Oh yeah, and she didn't even respond to my text. 

This probably gave you a good idea of what dating is like for men. I'm not bad looking, but I still have to deal with a less than .5% chance of sleeping with a girl that I try to sleep with. I could probably do 1000 approaches and never get laid according to the numbers I've seen me put up. Both online and real life.


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## Brisby (Nov 17, 2013)

Ugh, I haven't been on a dating site in years. Last time I tried, I ended up talking to some guy in Florida every day for about four months. I liked him a lot and we seemed to have a lot in common. After awhile, I made plans to go see him while I was visiting my aunt who also lives there. When I saw him for the first time...he was about 10 years older than his pictures, he had a huge pot belly, and he looked like he hadn't showered in awhile. I was taken aback by how much he deceived me with his picture but he was super nice and fun to talk to so I decided to still give the guy a chance. Big mistake. He was manipulative, clingy, and in our very first meeting, had told me he planned out our entire lives together. He was constantly seeking validation and wanted me to fly into jealous rages overly supposed flirtatious behavior from other women (yea right). That didn't last long. After I was done visiting and went back home, I confronted him about his weird behaviors and he flew off the handle. He couldn't believe I was breaking up with him for any good reason so he made it up in his mind that I had gone back home and started cheating on him. When I told him off and began ignoring him he backed off for a long time. Then months later I would get a letter in the mail or a random text message from him saying he's "forgiven me" and he just wants to know how I'm doing, blah blah. What a weirdo. In fact, he sent me a Christmas card via snail mail just last month asking if that is still my address and how he feels so bad about losing me. After it's been YEARS. Tore that letter up and threw it in the trash. So yeah, that put me off just a little. I rather be alone than deal with that crap again, honestly.


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## jvanb00c (Apr 13, 2012)

I've had no luck. I can get to the texting stages but no actual meet ups....at least with anybody I would want to meet up with.  I've had a few offers but they weren't in my wheelhouse at all. Heavy set women with 3 kids...just not my thing. I've had a few good texting conversations but they only seem to last a couple weeks. Im currently in a text mode with a girl but don't know if it will go anywhere.


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## zpargo87 (Dec 17, 2013)

I've had a go for about 4-5 months. I've hardly taken any risks but wanted to see what it was like. I messaged about 5 women max. I am still single. I cannot let a woman have the power to accept or reject me so if I'm at a bar then I just can't break the ice with some of these egotistical women. This is down to being rejected due to my appearance when I was younger when I was bullied. 

At the moment I've decided speed dating is the best and only way for me as you can tell if there's chemistry straight away whereas with online dating you may just be wasting your time. It's like what's the point of speaking to a girl for 5 months only to be told there's no chemistry.

As I expect to be very busy over the next 5 years with work I'm not sure if I will be in a relationship. In that case I was thinking of just getting an escort when the need for sex arises.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Brisby said:


> Ugh, I haven't been on a dating site in years. Last time I tried, I ended up talking to some guy in Florida every day for about four months. I liked him a lot and we seemed to have a lot in common. After awhile, I made plans to go see him while I was visiting my aunt who also lives there. When I saw him for the first time...he was about 10 years older than his pictures, he had a huge pot belly, and he looked like he hadn't showered in awhile. I was taken aback by how much he deceived me with his picture but he was super nice and fun to talk to so I decided to still give the guy a chance. Big mistake. He was manipulative, clingy, and in our very first meeting, had told me he planned out our entire lives together. He was constantly seeking validation and wanted me to fly into jealous rages overly supposed flirtatious behavior from other women (yea right). That didn't last long. After I was done visiting and went back home, I confronted him about his weird behaviors and he flew off the handle. He couldn't believe I was breaking up with him for any good reason so he made it up in his mind that I had gone back home and started cheating on him. When I told him off and began ignoring him he backed off for a long time. Then months later I would get a letter in the mail or a random text message from him saying he's "forgiven me" and he just wants to know how I'm doing, blah blah. What a weirdo. In fact, he sent me a Christmas card via snail mail just last month asking if that is still my address and how he feels so bad about losing me. After it's been YEARS. Tore that letter up and threw it in the trash. So yeah, that put me off just a little. I rather be alone than deal with that crap again, honestly.


Did you sleep with him?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Midwesterner said:


> The one thing that a guy must understand is the flake rate is unbelievably high. Out of all the women I've messaged, which by now geez, it's gotta be over a 1000, I have slept with 6. Let's say i messaged 1500 women, .4% of the time I got that big goal of bedtime. The reason that's a big goal for me is because I hardly ever get it. And apparently I'm already at the average # of women slept with the average male 30 years +. So a lot of people aren't getting sex in general, which crushes the stereotype portrayed by the media that they try to pound into our heads.
> 
> *The women i slept with were all out of shape, the few that were decent looking rejected me after the first date. *
> 
> *I've met some girls and had some great times. Great conversations. It's helped out my confidence and i can't complain about the intimate activities, they were ok even though the women weren't really attractive to me.* You can call me a jerk but what am I supposed to do? Just sit home alone? It's really hard to meet people and this is the only way I knew how to get out of my house.


So how fat were these women?


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## FMA102 (Jan 18, 2014)

I've been OkCupid off and on for the past 2 years. I've gotten a couple numbers but they never really went anywhere. I had one almost date then the chick stopped texting. I actually had better luck at work/school.

It was easy enough to beat myself down blah blah blah, but the reality is, these girls seriously can pick the best of the best. I even tested this hypothesis.

A buddy and myself made an account one time were curious and made a fake account. We weren't being creepy catfish or anything. We just made an account with a generic, homely looking girl we found from the internet and watched the messages fill her box. We never responded to any of them, and wrote about 3 lines as her description.


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## EnigmaticKid (Jan 19, 2014)

Online dating is very shallow to me.


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## vsavdom (Feb 20, 2014)

Here's my experience with online dating: Last year I made an account on okc that was active for about 2.5 months; I'm about 5'11' very fit (195 lbs with a very low bf % due to very intense strength training), but I never revealed my body in my pictures. I only listed my body type as athletic and mentioned training as a hobby. I also am aware that I am above average in looks (I've been asked on occasions whether modeling was a prospective career). I messaged about 100 girls and got some replies (around 15). The first girl who I messaged rated my profile very high (4 or 5) and I did to hers as well, so we talked for about 2-3 weeks; we had a lot in common (95% match as well), so asked to meet her for coffee. She disappeared. Later she still looked at my profile, but I would've ignored her for that stunt anyway. Despite me waiting longer to ask the next few girls, this also happened for 2 other girls who rated my profile highly. This continued; girls would talk to me for short periods of time, but abruptly end the conversation at some point, until I met another girl; she immediately wanted to hang out, but it was a very lackluster experience. When she even alluded to just being friends with me - I never said anything back to her, because I have the right to do that (sorry, not what I'm looking for). The next 2 dates were with very unfit women who still (surprisingly) acted like I had something to prove to them. It was extremely unsettling to even think of sex with these girls, yet they were the only girls who even remotely showed interest in going out on a date with me (most likely designated their choice as 'giving me a chance'). Basically I only got 3 dates with unfit women (not fair since I'm very fit). Yes, women on dating sites have very inflated egos in general. Online dating is a disaster; don't do it.


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## amy94 (Jun 28, 2013)

don't even waste your money on these sites. there are plenty of online dating or dating forum sites that are completely free. i found my bf on the site datehookup.


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## LoungeFly (Jun 25, 2011)

I should really take mine down. Have way to much anxiety to go through with dates at the moment.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I've been having some good experience with online dating since I reopened my account. I got 2 dates and 3 numbers. Nice girls too, both of whom don't have a problem with me being shy.


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## loneliness (Oct 3, 2013)

I used to get a lot of messages on OKC and some really attractive women even had long conversations with me, but I never went on an actual date because I was too terrified.

For some reason I barely get any messages nowadays.. maybe it's because i'm 22 now with minimal income and you're expected to have more money by now. 

It's not completely worthless for men if they upload some decent photos and have a somewhat interesting profile I have to admit.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Wow I started this thread and it lasted 8 months (2 months since last post) I thought it died down a long time ago...

As an update, as I got more experience dating (although it was only online) I had a lot more success, and I turned down meeting probably 10-15 girls, (I know, I know it is just online, they could have been bots or guys for all I know)

Anyway, without sounding like a complete lunatic/nutcase, I signed up to a site for mental illness, (I have generalized anxiety, agorophobia, depression, ADD, OCD, etc.) so I messaged a girl on there and while it was only a Friends with Benefits, she was the best-looking woman I have ever been with... I only met her every 2 weeks or so, I mean I probably slept with her like 30 times or so... 

Anyway I really am so crushed that it ended at this point I honestly wish I had never met her, she was jealous, possesive, hostile, unpredictable... while I had not heard from her for a month at one point, I met one other woman and fooled around with her which I confessed. She was extremely unattractive... she was very rich and I could have seen her again but confessed I was still involved with the other girl...

Anyway, I am not seeing anyone now and feeling low/hopeless/miserable to say the least...

I then met one other woman who was attractive she was Indian a few months ago and she seemed absolutely horrified by me to the point that she acted like I was a serial killer.

About looks, I consider myself like a 5 or 6 out of ten, average I guess... finding someone else who is average is near impossible on these sites... I think it is relatively easy to meet unattractive women, but when you actually meet them, many cross-examine you and then lash out at you or criticize you and say, "it was nice meeting you" like the NERVE haha

Nothing was solved by these dates, except that I know that it is possible and I have gained confidence... I just don't have the energy anymore to do anything...date, get off the couch, leave the apt.

So to sum up, online dating is not only a waste because so many women are unattractive/overweight/damaged/psychotic/etc. and so few normal women exist on those sites, but that after dating anyone, online or real life, the whole process is torturous... meeting for the first time: anxiety/sweating... eventual fighting/arguing, and it eventually not working out.


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