# Anyone hiding their atheist/agnostic views from their parents?



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

I'm agnostic but I am terrified of telling my dad as he is very religious. I don't intend on telling him anytime soon either because it would be risky. The reason being that I am financially dependent on him and I'm living under his roof. Worst case scenario is that I could get kicked out or be taken to church counselors to help "fix" me. I plan on possibly breaking the news to him once I regain my independence.


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## Lonewolf2014 (Jun 16, 2014)

Well im a deist and while I haven't told my parents this, Im pretty sure they know I sailed away from their catholic beliefs and stuff. I always refuse to go to church with them on Sundays and have tryed to make it clear by questioning things about the bible and stuff... They dont get mad they just don't have anything to say.. however, it bothers me that they recently have forced me to go to mass on Sundays and tell me to pray and so im in the same dilemma.. Don't know if to tell them straight up and how they are going to react..


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Lonewolf2014 said:


> Well im a deist and while I haven't told my parents this, Im pretty sure they know I sailed away from their catholic beliefs and stuff. I always refuse to go to church with them on Sundays and have tryed to make it clear by questioning things about the bible and stuff... They dont get mad they just don't have anything to say.. however, it bothers me that they recently have forced me to go to mass on Sundays and tell me to pray and so im in the same dilemma.. Don't know if to tell them straight up and how they are going to react..


Yeah man, when my father first found out that I was diagnosed with depression, he told me to pray more and would convince me to go to all these church events where I would feel soooo uncomfortable. I don't mind going to mass since everyone isn't so loud and joyful compared to other services I've been too, but I feel disconnected from my surroundings because I don't feel spiritually present. From the time I was a child, I felt nothing; it was just simply a way to spend time with my family. Don't know how to tell my dad yet, but it won't be anytime soon so I shouldn't worry so much about it yet.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

I haven't told my family I'm an atheist. It's not because they would disown me, it's because it would deeply hurt them. My mother and brother are very religious and for them, faith is the most important aspect of their lives. They know that I strongly disagree with many of Catholicism's teachings and they're aware I stopped attending church years ago. However, they don't know I don't believe in god. Upon hearing that I didn't want to get married in a church, my mother burst into tears and went on to say she hasn't raised me right. It causes so much guilt and fear in her, she believes God will think she has failed as a mother. She had a difficult childhood and then as an adult stayed in an abusive marriage because she thought it was what God wanted, and she had to uphold her vows. She's prayed for years that her suffering will save someone from hell or will release them earlier from purgatory. Basically it's complicated. It gave purpose to a lifetime of pain. Her entire life has revolved around her religious beliefs and the belief she has some kind of special connection with Heaven. 

Once when speaking about the possibility of there being no god, she said "then what would have been the point". I don't think she could emotionally deal with the thought of there being no god. I don't think she would be able to deal with the thought that her life could have been much different, healthier and happier if not for those strict religious views. She's older now and her health is beginning to deteriorate, there's no point in upsetting her further by expressing my non-belief.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

TryingMara said:


> I haven't told my family I'm an atheist. It's not because they would disown me, it's because it would deeply hurt them. My mother and brother are very religious and for them, faith is the most important aspect of their lives. They know that I strongly disagree with many of Catholicism's teachings and they're aware I stopped attending church years ago. However, they don't know I don't believe in god. Upon hearing that I didn't want to get married in a church, my mother burst into tears and went on to say she hasn't raised me right. It causes so much guilt and fear in her, she believes God will think she has failed as a mother. She had a difficult childhood and then as an adult stayed in an abusive marriage because she thought it was what God wanted, and she had to uphold her vows. She's prayed for years that her suffering will save someone from hell or will release them earlier from purgatory. Basically it's complicated. It gave purpose to a lifetime of pain. Her entire life has revolved around her religious beliefs and the belief she has some kind of special connection with Heaven.
> 
> Once when speaking about the possibility of there being no god, she said "then what would have been the point". I don't think she could emotionally deal with the thought of there being no god. I don't think she would be able to deal with the thought that her life could have been much different, healthier and happier if not for those strict religious views. She's older now and her health is beginning to deteriorate, there's no point in upsetting her further by expressing my non-belief.


That's heartbreaking. My own mother can sort of relate. She isn't as religious as my father though, and she's one of those church-going catholics that doesn't participate in other events outside of mass. This doesn't happen often, but she has put up with emotionally abusive behavior from my dad. The few times I've seen her cry, my dad has had something to do with it. Even though their marriage seems to be going okay now, in the past they've had major disputes that could end up in divorce for some couples. I know that they are against divorce because it's against the church, but I sometimes fear for my mother's safety. Like what if my dad gets into an argument with her again and it turns physical? I hate seeing my mother cry. She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep. All she does is lie on the couch and watch TV to numb herself for days.


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## StaceyLaine14 (Apr 11, 2015)

Nothing as extreme as you all. But my mother is a minister. My siblings are both theists. I think my dad is secretly a heathen, but my mom still tries to force him to attend church on Sunday. I think my mother suspects I'm a non-believer, but I'm afraid of confirming it. I'm not sure how she'd react. She is pretty open-minded, but I'm certain it would cause her to think less highly of me and could possibly cause a bit if tension between us. I don't like conflict at all, so I don't see myself ever telling her about my lack of belief. I'll just continue to go to church while I'm under her roof, and once I'm safely back at school, I'll be free from religion once more. I may have to open up to her about it at some point, but I'd much prefer for that point to be after she's done paying for my education to be honest. 

Our congregation is very small. I haven't been to church since spring break, but I am deathly afraid that they'll try to make me take on more responsibility than I can commit to this summer. They've been pushing me to pray and dance for them (I used to praise dance for the congregation occasionally as a child. I always hated it, but they forced me to regardless) for awhile now, and I've been resisting. If they push harder, I may seriously have to out myself. As expressed above, I'd prefer not to. So we'll see how the next few months go.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

StaceyLaine14 said:


> Nothing as extreme as you all. But my mother is a minister. My siblings are both theists. I think my dad is secretly a heathen, but my mom still tries to force him to attend church on Sunday. I think my mother suspects I'm a non-believer, but I'm afraid of confirming it. I'm not sure how she'd react. She is pretty open-minded, but I'm certain it would cause her to think less highly of me and could possibly cause a bit if tension between us. I don't like conflict at all, so I don't see myself ever telling her about my lack of belief. I'll just continue to go to church while I'm under her roof, and once I'm safely back at school, I'll be free from religion once more. I may have to open up to her about it at some point, but I'd much prefer for that point to be after she's done paying for my education to be honest.
> 
> Our congregation is very small. I haven't been to church since spring break, but I am deathly afraid that they'll try to make me take on more responsibility than I can commit to this summer. They've been pushing me to pray and dance for them (I used to praise dance for the congregation occasionally as a child. I always hated it, but they forced me to regardless) for awhile now, and I've been resisting. If they push harder, I may seriously have to out myself. As expressed above, I'd prefer not to. So we'll see how the next few months go.


My dad is a Sunday school teacher, but he's not a minister or deacon or anything like that; that must be rough. I used to be the lead altar girl which I actually didn't mind, but I was also forced to sing in the choir and I hated it. In addition to that, I was a Sunday school teacher's assistant. So yeah, I did a lot in my church and while I had some nice memories of it, I never felt that spiritual connection that everyone was talking about, so I felt left out at times. I'm not sure how it'd be like to be a minister's child, and I don't think I'd want to know.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

My family isn't particularly religious and I'm pretty sure they know I'm not either. That's all they need to know frankly.


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

acidicwithpanic said:


> I'm agnostic but I am terrified of telling my dad as he is very religious. I don't intend on telling him anytime soon either because it would be risky. The reason being that I am financially dependent on him and I'm living under his roof. Worst case scenario is that I could get kicked out or be taken to church counselors to help "fix" me. I plan on possibly breaking the news to him once I regain my independence.


There was some resistance from my parents but I'm older now and there's not much they can do about it. Since you're dependent on your parents, I agree that it would be wise to keep the new awakening to yourself until you're independent.

I never told my grandparents who are now deceased. They were strict, old school Catholics, so my announcement would have expedited their trip to the cemetery. I'm wary of sharing my spiritual beliefs (whatever you would call them) for fears of social banishment from my tiny circle of friends. I'm grateful that they respect my answer, which is always "My personal beliefs are private".


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Methodical said:


> There was some resistance from my parents but I'm older now and there's not much they can do about it. Since you're dependent on your parents, I agree that it would be wise to keep the new awakening to yourself until you're independent.
> 
> I never told my grandparents who are now deceased. They were strict, old school Catholics, so my announcement would have expedited their trip to the cemetery. I'm wary of sharing my spiritual beliefs (whatever you would call them) for fears of social banishment from my tiny circle of friends. I'm grateful that they respect my answer, which is always "My personal beliefs are private".


I have no intentions of telling my grandmother either. She's also a very conservative catholic and expects the same for her family. I do think my mother and grandfather would have less problems with me coming out to them, but there's also the possibility that this knowledge could somehow get passed down to the wrong people. Hopefully, I get to move out again by next year so I can live without so much guilt.


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## thebigofan (Dec 27, 2014)

I hid my Atheism from my parents for long time, but eventually I was fed up with my father forcing me to pray or go to church. My father is very religious and started yelling at me about it. When I told my mother, she didn't really care at all about my beliefs.


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## Shadowsoftheworld (Jun 1, 2015)

My Dad is religious, but I'm not scared of telling him because he'd be annoyed, I know he wouldn't I don't want to disappoint him. I am open with my thoughts on God and religion, and I think he kind of knows at this point, but I've never said specifically "I'm an atheist", and really it doesn't matter. It's not something that affects me, and he doesn't go to church.


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## quietlyconfident (May 12, 2015)

I can relate to a lot of what has been said here. I still live with my parents and they are very much believing, practising Christians. I am also a regular church-goer. Not only that, but I help out with the youth group and with the music on Sunday. And I really like the church family and hanging out with the other young adults in the church. I feel like it's a core part of my social base. But I really don't know how to start the conversation about my unbelief.

It's not that I disagree with any teachings of my church. We are a very open and welcoming church and people are not shamed for having different views on morality and theology and so on. But the people are still united by a belief in God and crucifixion of Jesus to save humanity, things that I am simply not convinced of. I see people worshipping God and getting excited about their faith, but when I try to do the Christian things that other people get excited about, I don't feel anything. I mean, I can listen to a great Christian speaker and have an internal emotional response to what is being said, but it feels like the same response I would have while watching a fictional movie. Maybe that emotional response translates into belief for some people, but it just doesn't seem to work like that for me.

I suppose I've thought over the years, maybe some day I'll finally get it. God will reveal himself to me and I'll have some big revelation about how God was there all along or something. And haven't entirely given up hope of that happening one day. But I'm 25 years old and regardless, I need to get on with my life. 

I always hear how people in the church think so highly of me and I don't want to let anyone down. I feel like I'm in this weird middle-ground of being a Christian/non-Christian. Part of the reason I'm on this forum is because I want to build stronger and deeper relationships with people, but I can't do that without being honest about how I really feel (or more accurately don't feel) about all of this. And seeing all the people my age and several years younger marrying off and getting on with their lives, while I'm stuck sitting on the fence, is really depressing.

I really want to connect with people who feel the same way as me because I feel so alone with this, on top of the other feelings of social isolation I've been feeling for years.


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## catwizard (Oct 9, 2014)

my parents are strong conservative christians, and i really think i would risk being kicked out if i ever told them. im sure it'll come out eventually, but i'm hoping to delay that until i have my own place.
i hate having to pretend to go along with their beliefs, and sometimes i do argue with them on different things. i feel very alone in my family


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

catwizard said:


> my parents are strong conservative christians, and i really think i would risk being kicked out if i ever told them. im sure it'll come out eventually, but i'm hoping to delay that until i have my own place.
> i hate having to pretend to go along with their beliefs, and sometimes i do argue with them on different things. i feel very alone in my family


I'm in the same situation. I agree that you should keep it hidden for now. Telling them the truth would be risky.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

My mom is very religious but not the kind of ultra religious who force their belief on others. She has never forced me to do anything. My father is also religious but he wouldn't do anything harsh either. I have told them a few times indirectly and they started arguing or saying that i'm gonna fail in my life without belief. 
The main reasons i don't clearly and directly tell them is that i don't want to hurt their feelings. Besides i don't do any of my prayers and they don't complain about that. So there's really no need to tell them. But it's still annoying sometimes.


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## Shockwave The Logical (Aug 27, 2013)

I told my Christian dad and he got pissed. He went off about how this generation is so wrong in not believing or not paying attention to The Bible. Then I told him "how do you know you're right if you have no proof?" At that moment he stopped talking to me about beliefs. I told my mom but with more malice towards Christian values and The Bible because my dad is a hypo-Christian and that doesn't help with my dislike for religion. He goes to church every Sunday to hear the word of the lord and then comes home and yells and occasionally slaps and pushes my mom. My mom doesn't really believe in religion either so it was very easy to tell her. She's even told my dad that there is nothing good for us at church. 

Regarding my malice towards religion, it's how I feel towards it. I don't care about what someone believes in, I'm not shoving down your throat that I'm an atheist and interrogate you about God or whatever. If someone tells me their religion, cool. If they ask me about mine, I just tell them I'm an atheist and hopefully they respect that.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Shockwave The Logical said:


> I told my Christian dad and he got pissed. He went off about how this generation is so wrong in not believing or not paying attention to The Bible. Then I told him "how do you know you're right if you have no proof?" At that moment he stopped talking to me about beliefs. I told my mom but with more malice towards Christian values and The Bible because my dad is a hypo-Christian and that doesn't help with my dislike for religion. He goes to church every Sunday to hear the word of the lord and then comes home and yells and occasionally slaps and pushes my mom. My mom doesn't really believe in religion either so it was very easy to tell her. She's even told my dad that there is nothing good for us at church.
> 
> Regarding my malice towards religion, it's how I feel towards it. I don't care about what someone believes in, I'm not shoving down your throat that I'm an atheist and interrogate you about God or whatever. If someone tells me their religion, cool. If they ask me about mine, I just tell them I'm an atheist and hopefully they respect that.


I too experience the daily hypocrisy with family members who don't always practice what they preach. Witnessing all of that has been a main component in why I have so many doubts about the faith I grew up in. I did take out a lot of positive things from the teachings of the Catholic church such as treating your neighbor how you would want to be treated and the importance of unconditional love, but there are so many corrupt followers that like to morph the word of the gospel into "evidence" for how they can appropriately insult others for their different lifestyles. I'm always wondering how people I know can pray for hours and dedicate their lives to God yet commit all of these sins and be unaware of their actions. Like isn't arrogance a sin? Because these Christians radiate it so much that it is blinding them.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

quietlyconfident said:


> I can relate to a lot of what has been said here. I still live with my parents and they are very much believing, practising Christians. I am also a regular church-goer. Not only that, but I help out with the youth group and with the music on Sunday. And I really like the church family and hanging out with the other young adults in the church. I feel like it's a core part of my social base. But I really don't know how to start the conversation about my unbelief.
> 
> It's not that I disagree with any teachings of my church. We are a very open and welcoming church and people are not shamed for having different views on morality and theology and so on. But the people are still united by a belief in God and crucifixion of Jesus to save humanity, things that I am simply not convinced of. I see people worshipping God and getting excited about their faith, but when I try to do the Christian things that other people get excited about, I don't feel anything. I mean, I can listen to a great Christian speaker and have an internal emotional response to what is being said, but it feels like the same response I would have while watching a fictional movie. Maybe that emotional response translates into belief for some people, but it just doesn't seem to work like that for me.
> 
> ...


Wow, I relate to this so much. I also was heavily involved in my church: lead altar girl, part of the music ministry, and Sunday school assistant. But even though I spent a lot of time with other church-goers, some of the adults have even suspected me to be a closeted heathen or have predicted that I would become one. I'm still friends with my church friends, some who have also developed doubts and questions about their catholic faith. And I still go to church regularly because I'm not out to my parents yet.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

acidicwithpanic said:


> I'm agnostic but I am terrified of telling my dad as he is very religious. I don't intend on telling him anytime soon either because it would be risky. The reason being that I am financially dependent on him and I'm living under his roof. Worst case scenario is that I could get kicked out or be taken to church counselors to help "fix" me. I plan on possibly breaking the news to him once I regain my independence.


Just leave it alone. It's not going to hurt you to have them believe you're religious and it's better for them to think you're religious.


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## RobAlister (Apr 4, 2010)

A few years ago when I accepted that I was an atheist, yes. But these days I'm pretty open about it. Something good came from it because my brother admitted it too. But he's not cool with calling himself an atheist. But he makes it clear that he doesn't believe in god though.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

My grandma phoned me yesterday to say that her and my cousin, aunt and uncle's and whoever else's one wish would be that I would trust in the Lord and get close to God. I told her that that is never going to happen, that I don't believe in god or any god or religion and never will. I told her shes free to believe whatever she wants to believe but i said thanks for the happy birthday.

My parents were standing right there when I was on the phone. My mom said "oh someday you will". I told her that is never going to happen. Then she said "you better before you die". Then I told her I don't believe in Heaven or Hell or God or any other fairytale so the threat of hell carries no weight. I told her along with my grandma that if they could convince me via debate and discussion that I am more than happy to anytime.


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## miserablecow (Feb 28, 2013)

I'm hiding being an atheist from my family. I'm from a Muslim family, which makes it harder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vuldoc (Sep 8, 2011)

I don't bring it up. I think last year the more religious side of my family (ie. my mom, sister, grandma, aunt) tried to trick me into going to church but right in front of them I just walked away and didn't go in. I waited for the mass or whatever it's called to end. They didn't scold me or anything to my face (but I bet they talked about it behind my back).


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## EchoIX (Jul 5, 2015)

I'm a Jewish Agnostic Nihilist. Jewish mostly through heritage and family ties.
My folks know. Occasionally my mom talks about god and I visibly cringe. We butt heads occasionally on the matter, but to be truthful and human, I appreciate that she believes as she does. I may not believe that an omnipotent being is benevolent (by default) or even cares about mortals, and that our petty squabbles and morality are of no consequence. But she does and that's part of who she is. Thing is, she's not traditionally religious. She's more spiritual, but I think either converted or just sort of hopped on the Judaism bandwagon after meeting my dad. My dad is Jewish, goes to temple almost every Saturday. Besides that, he rarely ever talks about god. I've heard him mention it only a few times in my entire life.
I'm fortunate in that I don't have parents who push their beliefs on me, and despite my protests, my mother always says "God loves, that's that."
I may not have faith, but if either of my parents lost theirs-I would be extremely concerned. To them their faith is part of who they are. It's not about pageantry, or fear of some invisible man's wrath. Which is why I respect them for their faith. They may not fully respect my views, but they accept them. In this I got lucky.

Also, I think if your family has *THAT* much of a problem with your beliefs, to the point where they'll actually be unkind to you, then they're just posers.


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