# Therapist keeps asking me "Who are you?"



## strugglingintro (Mar 17, 2017)

I see my psychotherapist on a weekly basis and in every session, I get asked: "Who are you?"

Every time I answer this question, he or she would "reject" my answers because, according to him or her, they don't really answer the question and the things I mentioned are only a part of me.

Here is an example:

Therapist:
"Who are you?"

Me:
"Someone who's tormented by past hurts."

Therapist:
"But your past hurts is a part of you. You are not the past. Who are you?"

Me:
"God's creation."

Therapist:
"You are created by God. But it doesn't explain who you are. Who are you?"

Me:
"A human being."

Therapist:
"You are part of the human race. But it doesn't explain who you are. Who are you?"

etc, etc, etc, etc.

As silly as it sounds, I really don't know how to answer this question and to be honest I'm beginning to get annoyed by it.

If anyone has had psychotherapy or has some knowledge about it, how am I supposed to answer the question? I'm not asking for the "correct" answer to the question by the way. Thank you.


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## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

you are who you choose to be?


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

assuming he or she actually knows your name?


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

I guess your therapist is asking you who your self identity is. Your self identity is your personality, your personality is constructed by the experiences you have and by the reactions you have to your experiences. That's what my therapist told me. Relationships, friendships, being independant/dependant, taking care of yourself, dealing with problems, interacting with other human beings, how you respond to everything, your decisions of how to act upon your emotions, all these experiences build up your self identity, your personality, your sense of who you are.


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## Reset Button (Feb 2, 2017)

strugglingintro said:


> I see my psychotherapist on a weekly basis and in every session, I get asked: "Who are you?"
> 
> Every time I answer this question, he or she would "reject" my answers because, according to him or her, they don't really answer the question and the things I mentioned are only a part of me.
> 
> ...


I was asked the same question and couldn't come up with another answer than the first one I gave. Her reply was, 'you are not your story'.

I googled the question and found a site with interesting replies, some define themselves by their career, as a victim/survivor, their personality, marital status, philosophy or evade answering altogether. The author explains 'there isn't a right answer and we can't achieve a complete answer that remains true throughout our life.'

So after thinking about it, I suppose I would answer it now with how I would like other people to see me and hopefully, it's who I really am.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

The question the therapist is asking is one that many contemporary spiritual teachers ask their students. On one level, it is about finding what makes you fulfilled and happy and feel connected to humanity, on another it is about realizing all the different changing ways you have been your whole life, and how on a spiritual level, you are not any one fixed thing - you are an incredible human being who changes and adapts and grows and can not be defined accurately, because when we try to define ourselves, it doesn't take into account how much we change and grow. So it is a loaded question in spirituality meant to show you not to pin yourself down as any one thing (like a person with social anxiety) because we are so much more than that - we are capable of so much more. 

This is important because if we see ourselves as stuck in one way of being or limited, we don't try new things and don't challenge our self-concept and see the potentials in ourself to be completely different than we are now. Like compare yourself now to when you were 5 or 6 years old. There are definitely similarities and things that make you feel like you, but there are also vast differences. 

Maybe start approaching the question with things you do, or have done when you weren't weighed down by SA, that make you feel a sense of satisfaction or a sense of rightness, things you like about your personality, things about yourself that are consistent throughout your life, etc.

Am I making sense?


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

I am the person who is paying you.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I'm on the fence with questions like these. Reminds me of Wanted.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Maybe you keep showing up at her office without an appointment and she's wondering who you are and what you're doing there.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

I think you should bring her a DNA test..


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I realize she's probably trying to help you (how, I don't know), but this therapy approach would annoy the hell out of me. :/

An acquaintance online once asked me to describe myself to her without using any adjectives or nouns or "I am" statements...I spent the rest of the day sobbing my eyes out and convinced that I had no core identity. I went through an entire existential crisis in the space of one evening. When I finally told her I couldn't answer without using adjectives or nouns or "I am" statements she was like, oh, she hadn't meant that, it was fine to use all those if I wanted. :serious: I think I started hating her a little bit, then.

...



strugglingintro said:


> Every time I answer this question, he or she would "reject" my answers because, according to him or her, they don't really answer the question and the things I mentioned are only a part of me.


Maybe you should tell her you're more than the sum of all your parts. :sus (I really want to add, "Suck it," to that, but it's best not to.)

I imagine she'll reject that, too.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I would have to slap them sorry. There's only so much we can take.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Sounds more like you're taking a philosophy class rather than going to psychotherapy. Maybe they're testing your assertiveness and really want you to tell them to stfu.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

#throatpunch

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


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## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

lol, maybe it's because I have a psychology degree and minored in philosophy in college...but I actually can understand why your psychotherapist would keep asking you this and why she/he says you're not answering the question.

I'm not sure what you told your psychotherapist about why you're seeing a psychotherapist. But it sounds like this person feels like you need to figure out who you really are and that a lack of self-identity are a sizeable part of your issues (it's a part of most people's issues). And by the way you answer his/her question every time this person asks, I'd guess it's probably true. If it is, it's a question you're not really going to be able to answer until you make more progress. I almost kind of think your psychotherapist asks you this as a way for him/her to know if/how you're progressing and how much work you have left to do. 

If I were you, I'd say "I don't know" and see what he/she says. Because it sounds like that's the right answer anyways.


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## neonknight77 (May 21, 2017)

Tell her you're her F**king daddy. That'll keep her from asking again.


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## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Looks like all the funny replies have been taken already darn... Anyways on a serious note she is asking you how do you define yourself? Do you think you are a funny person? A person who likes to please others? The list can go on and on. You actually weren't really answering the question tbh which is why she kept asking. She wants you to get to know yourself basically (which iyam is extremely important and a problem lots of people have). Once you know who you are, you can focus on whatever it is that makes you happy and stop focusing as much on the negatives in your life. Anyways, she asked you a big question, but hopefully it gets you to think about it a bit more now. Just don't stress, it really isn't something everyone can answer in one night. And like another user said, the answer can change.


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## Beast And The Harlot (Jun 14, 2015)

Tell them you are everything and nothing. You are the projected conciousness of the universe and can slip through time and space at once. You are but an imprint on the fabric of this dimension.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

Just answer " Your mother " My therapist kept asking me WHY I didn't hurt myself if I didn't want to live anymore. I told her it's not something I want to do because I do not want to commit suicide. She still asked me the same freaking question. WHY don't I hurt myself. She asked me so many times I started to believe she was really trying to tell me to hurt myself then I felt even crappier because it was coming from a therapist who is supposed to be helping me, not putting harmful ideas in my head. I really did believe she was telling me to hurt myself after I told her it's not something I want to do. I told her about this and told her to stop asking me again and she did and apologized.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

This is how you should handle your therapist.... :lol


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

She and Her Darkness said:


> I am the person who is paying you.


:lol

I think this is just meant as a rhetorical question. It's not so much about an answer, as it is about trying to make you think. For many years I didn't know who I was, and I was just mimicking everyone else without realizing. I was missing out on being me and hadn't discovered who I really was.

If you have to reply, I'd just say something like "Good question. I need to find out who I am."


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## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

Say "I am the great I Am"

But in all honesty, it sounds like your therapist is using pseudo-profound tricks to fill time and waste your money.


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## walrus65 (Nov 10, 2011)

Tell her the good things in this world that you love and the bad things that you hate.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

Um...if I knew the answer to that then I wouldn't be sitting before you right now?


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## walrus65 (Nov 10, 2011)

Think about it I'm sure you can find your answer, mine lead me to search and realize I wasn't really close to my own family at all, if you don't find yourself and know who you are then you might feel like a robot, I know I know who I am now and don't really have a problem with anxiety anymore maybe just the remnants of it's past. I think the trouble is past problems can rob people of their self esteem or who they believe they are. well maybe


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## Rome58 (Jul 11, 2017)

From Rome 58- I think he means by who are you? IS---- he's simply looking for a more specific answer like Are you funny? Good looking ? Are you shy? What's your goals in life ? What things do you like to do for fun? All those questions I would think of if he asked me but I would pick the fewest words that describe me -best!-- in the most detail - to me I would say the best way to describe who I really am in a few words is-
I'm a genuinely kind, caring, funny, honest person who is shy, but am positive most the time . I'm describing me! with that sentence right now. I just honestly told you some of my traits right now. I wasn't telling you to specifically say that exact sentence- ( cause I know you mentioned that concern)--I was giving an example of how I would answer -and yes that really are the traits I have. I think when you said I'm God's creation or a human being - he repeated the question cause it doesn't convey specifically who you are. I think he wanted to hear, but what traits did God give you- that you like about yourself or describes who you are in more detail? That are specific to you? Ya know? 
That's just my perspective on it or how I see it, - so feel free to choose whatever you decide. That's just some feedback I thought of- it doesn't mean I'm right. Was just trying to be helpful. Wish you the best!


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## acalmMind95 (Jul 23, 2017)

Lol thats a good therapist.

(You are who you belive you are.)

That should be the right answer. ?


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## nomOnTea (May 16, 2017)

sad1231234 said:


> I guess your therapist is asking you who your self identity is. Your self identity is your personality, your personality is constructed by the experiences you have and by the reactions you have to your experiences. That's what my therapist told me. Relationships, friendships, being independant/dependant, taking care of yourself, dealing with problems, interacting with other human beings, how you respond to everything, your decisions of how to act upon your emotions, all these experiences build up your self identity, your personality, your sense of who you are.


Yeah, while I might find this interesting, it is also repetitive and I personally find it dumb. I don't think there is any right answer but I mean, I don't quite understand what the psychiatrist wants to find out or what this results in. Plus, there are other better ways than just repeat the question "who are you". I would get a new psychatrist, this one seems broken.


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

sounds like a waste of time to me. they must be at a loss for what else to say. it seems that they can say anything, and as long as it makes you feel something (anything), it validates their role as a psych in your/their eyes. as long as you are feeling something then the process must be working? if it is frustrating, then you should express your frustration. if you're excited about who you are then you should express that.

i've had a psych do this to me, and i never really expressed how i felt to them. i guess some psych thinks that this has some kind of value, but i don't think it really goes anywhere unless you are actually ready to express yourself to them... which i wasn't. and it didn't make me want to trust this person more... i'm sure it would make them feel good if their patient suddenly "opened up" to them and expressed an outburst of something. and if that happens they will give you some kind of treat like you're a rat they can condition to perform their tasks... tell you you've made "progress" today, etc.

a much more pragmatic psych had our appointment in a cafe as part of exposure when i was really bad with anxiety. i think someone willing to get out into the places you are anxious with you has much more value than playing word games. but at the end of the day, they are a psychologist and if they are confined to their office/whatever all they can do is inform you, tell you to do things, and then play word games with you. its not magic.


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