# Does anyone else not care about not having friends?



## verdurousglooms (Nov 14, 2014)

I don't have any friends and it doesn't bother me at all, in actual fact it is what I want. I have temporary acquaintances who dart in and out of my life now and again, people I know because of things I am involved with (work and interests) and online 'friends' on various forums and other places. I am creatively expressive and through my paintings, singing, writing etc. I can communicate to other people. This is my most desired form of communication with the outside world - speaking through my art.

I care about the world and other people and I enjoy helping people. I really enjoy learning from intelligent people. I try to reach out to others through my writing, for both our sakes - whether it's about being different or about growing older, feeling alone or being gay, bi, fluid gender or anything - things that I personally may not have had to contend with, but just interest me and I feel I can help through art, especially writing.

I feel the need to pretend to potential new acquaintances that I have stable friends in my life. Whenever I have told anyone I don't actually have any friends they think I must really want friends and that I must be sad without friends or that there must be something not nice about me. 

I get so much joy from an evening walk especially in the rain, nature in general, music, poetry, literature, visiting new places, learning new things, and being with someone I love. Why do people have such a problem with a person who does not have a need to have friends?


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

I think I'll always care on some level, since I never had any real friends (going back since childhood). I too have always had temporary acquaintances [from school] that would dart in and out of my life. No one stuck, unfortunately. Maybe one day I will stop caring. But not anytime soon.


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## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

Well one thing you said was "being with someone I love". Not sure if that means you are in a relationship or if you meant that in general. But if you are in a relationship that makes a huge part of why you may not want any friends. 

But in general people need friends because the fellowship is emotionally supporting and healthy for them. Friendships when healthy will help you grow mentally and emotionally. That's why people see it strange that you may not have any steady friendships. I mean no one wants to try and invest any time into someone who doesn't really care to have friends or believes they don't need them. Cause if they did invest time that means they could potentially not get the same effort back because you feel you don't need them. 

Its kind of like saying "I don't need you, but interact with me anyway". I mean I don't see anything wrong with you not needing friends as long as you're a nice person but I don't think you should expect too many to understand or be okay with it to the degree of you being in their life. Honestly I wouldn't tell anyone lol no need to even let them know.


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## MrCandP011 (Nov 12, 2014)

I don't care about having a lot of friends. I have like only 3 friends and that's fine with me. I can't deal with having no friends at all though.


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## verdurousglooms (Nov 14, 2014)

LunaBlitz said:


> Its kind of like saying "I don't need you, but interact with me anyway". I mean I don't see anything wrong with you not needing friends as long as you're a nice person but I don't think you should expect too many to understand or be okay with it to the degree of you being in their life. Honestly I wouldn't tell anyone lol no need to even let them know.


I agree totally, it's good to hear someone re-affirm it.

I don't want people I meet to be in my life...as I said I don't want or need friends. But when I meet people it will be via the following: language evening, public seminar, anything work related, singing or art day/week workshop, dance class, ceilidh night, lots of things. So I don't have to know them forever but for a day, evening or week or maybe longterm but intermittently. I don't want them to get a bad vibe from me if someone says - 'Facebook is so great as I can keep in touch with everyone...Do you use it to stay in touch with your friends?' And then a perfectly lovely one-off meeting could suddenly go totally awry if I then say 'well I don't really have any friends and I don't use Facebook.' Better to just pretend I'm normal and go along with it.

Even before my relationship, I wasn't that bothered with spending time with friends. There were about 2-4 friends during the course of secondary school that I had some good times and fun with, but on the whole I preferred my own company and although I liked seeing them at school I felt reluctant to give up my own time for friend. And then I preferred being with my SO.

There's a bit more to it, like me being borderline and having traits of mutism. The effect on my mind of people socialising with me, is a bit weird, I feel some strange things but having said that, even when I had friends some time ago as I said, I preferred having my own time to myself and was glad that leaving school meant a natural end to those friendships. I wish them well, and remember the nice times fondly, but I felt like I was released from them when going to university.


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## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

You're SO is pretty much your friend. Usually when you are in a relationship and you guys get along very well you don't usually need friends unless you have that desire. You're not totally alone and in the dark lol So I mean its cool just don't lead anyone on.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

It's more of an embarrassment for me:

Mondays at work people always ask each other what they did on the weekend.
I have to always evade that damning question.

When I go out for food or whatever and am the only person solo...etc


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## verdurousglooms (Nov 14, 2014)

Thanks everyone, for the replies. Sorry to the people who want friends but don't have any. Maybe you should join a group or club - if you're interested in it then you would have fun anyway and you might meet some nice people. But I'm hardly anyone to give advice about making friends.


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## chessman6500 (Sep 5, 2013)

Im starting not to care, because I'm beginning to realize the people that have more than 1,000 friends on fb will likely want nothing to do with me. On the bright side I met another nice person at work and it appears he's quiet and is like one of those library kids, so I may finally have a shot.


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## monstercorp (Jul 14, 2013)

Wow! Great post. I feel so identified. Not much further to say. I've learned a lot today with your comments.


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## jim11 (May 23, 2011)

I only had real friends when a was a kid. Not many -- 3-4 close friends. Teenage years were when I started to get socially inept. I was too shy and quiet to make friends. I got no friends at all outside school. In university, things a bit better cos I managed to befriend 2 people. 

Come to think of it, they were never my true friends, just acquaintances. I rarely contact them after I graduated, and so did them. In the end, we lost contact all together. 

The truth is, I don't bother I don' have any friends at all most of the time. Being alone is fulfilling to me. But there are certain times that I wish I got friends to talk to. You know, like when you got problems and all you wanted is to let it off your chest.


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## MisunderstoodWretch (Nov 19, 2014)

I felt like that once.I really care too much now, I get so angry and upset; bitter when people don't get my sometimes quirky ways.The people that are 'normal' really aren't that kind or polite.I ask why I should break my back and socialize with creatures so apathetic and misunderstanding only for me to feel lonely.They really don't want to be my friends when I act different.They're so oafish.So much:no

I wish I had advice for you, but I can only share my side of the story.

Don't let this or them take you alive.This goes for all of you.


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## Relz (Oct 31, 2011)

I can relate to most of this.

I'm not a lone wolf by any means. I'm an introvert who desires _meaningful_ connections with other people. Which means I have no time for shallow, bulls**t friendships. I've tried it "to ease the loneliness", but it never works and I'm done lying to myself.

I don't care about the numbers, I care that the friendship is mutually appreciated. If I am not as important to someone as they are to me, it's just a dead end. And that's the kind of thing I'm fed up with.

I get joy (as much as dysthymia allows) from solitary activities and I'd much rather spend my time that way than draining myself for someone who will never consider me more than "that person I see in painting class".


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