# LOVE & SEX



## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

People often find it odd that I have no desire to engage in unloving, casual sex. Men sometime tease me about my lack of sexual experience and tell me I need to "get some [email protected]". Truthfully, I have no desire to "get some [email protected]". I have a desire to make love to a lovely lady that I'm in love with, but I have absolutely no desire to go out with or manipulate a lady just so I can have sex. In fact, the though of having sex with someone I'm not in love with scares me.

I was just curious whether or not a disinterest in casual, unloving sex is a common phenomenon among people with SA.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

I would say no, but perhaps it's my anxiety doing the talking here(?)


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I suppose I would, but I would have to -at the very least- like the person. I wouldn't have sex with just anyone simply because they're there. Meeting someone for a one-night stand isn't very appealing to me.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Drella said:


> I suppose I would, but I would have to -at the very least- like the person. I wouldn't have sex with just anyone simply because they're there. Meeting someone for a one-night stand isn't very appealing to me.


:ditto


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Yeah, pretty much the same for me too.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I wouldn't be able to touch someone i don't love.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

Oh I have many times. Never was that great.. or even good.. or even something I really wanted to do.. but did anyways. Hmm.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

man and you would NOT have sex with someone you're not in love with.


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## QuietTexan (Nov 15, 2005)

I wouldn't have sex with someone I wasn't in love with.


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

I have no scruples about it. Anything that gives me physical gratification and enhances my ego can only be positive.


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## glittergaze (May 4, 2005)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



mserychic said:


> Oh I have many times. Never was that great.. or even good.. or even something I really wanted to do.. but did anyways. Hmm.


 :ditto 
I've done both... it's definitely a lot better when you're in love. :yes


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## Mehitabel (Oct 13, 2006)

I would never have sex with someone I wasn't in love with.


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## mayblue (Oct 1, 2005)

I never have but I think I probably would. Who knows if I'll ever fall in love again? Love is a serious thing to me and maybe I'm a little cynical about it. But I would have to like the person and feel some kind of connection with them.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I would need to be in love with a girl to let her get that close to me.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

When I was younger and was curious I did it with someone I didn't love,but I can't relax with someone I'm not close too so it was always ****ty..
Anyway it's better with a person you love,so I don't have a desire to just have sex with some random person..

Seems like some people think it's important to have lots of experience and the number of people is a big deal..


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## quiet_one (Jun 14, 2006)

I would have to be in love with them before I had sex.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

No love? No intercourse. 
I was once about ten seconds away from doing it (literally; all I had to do was stick it in), and turned it down because we weren't in love and I didn't know her very well. In fact, it was kind of a turn off to know that she wanted to go all the way, so soon.

But I'm definitely open to doing other stuff. :evil


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

Based on the responses so far, I think I can conclude that a disinterest in casual, unloving sex is more common among people with SA. At least 95% of "normal" men I talk to want to and/or do have sex with women they do NOT love. As of today, only about 50% of men with SA would engage in casual, unloving sex. 

 I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my aspirations to find love before having sex. Mass pressure from the acquaintances, society, and the media was starting to make me feel like something was wrong with me. Now, I see that my thoughts and values are not uncommon or abnormal.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Only sex with my one true love!


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## meggiehamilton (Nov 12, 2003)

woman and you would NOT have sex with someone you're not in love with


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## clenched_fist (Jan 4, 2004)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



glittergaze said:


> I've done both... it's definitely a lot better when you're in love. :yes


_Same._


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## SAlovesme (Nov 15, 2006)

sex is much more enjoyable and meaninful with a loved one!!!! 



for me anywayz! :stu


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I'm very surprised at how half the guys say they won't have sex with someone they're not in love with.
So you're telling me that if you have a girl you have a crush on (but do not know that well, so obviously not in love) and you are feeling aroused, and she is lying on your bed wanting to have sex with you, that you would turn her down?? Or lets say Angelina Jolie or Beyonce got your #, asks if they can get it on with you, and then you say "nope, wanna stay alone tonight...gonna just watch some porn instead."


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Strength said:


> So you're telling me that if you have a girl you have a crush on (but do not know that well, so obviously not in love) and you are feeling aroused, and she is lying on your bed wanting to have sex with you, that you would turn her down?? Or lets say Angelina Jolie or Beyonce got your #, asks if they can get it on with you, and then you say "nope, wanna stay alone tonight...gonna just watch some porn instead."


If I have a crush on a girl, I'm pretty much in love with her. Or there is at least the possibility of a relationship with her. The gray area is if she says she just wants a one-night-stand. It would be great, but emotionally devastating the next day.

And if it is a very attractive woman, the speed in which you can fall in love can be accelerated. (Even normal girls can do things that make me think, "She is great."). But, I would rather have a long-term relationship with a plain & normal girl than one night with a hot chick.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

Classified said:


> Strength said:
> 
> 
> > So you're telling me that if you have a girl you have a crush on (but do not know that well, so obviously not in love) and you are feeling aroused, and she is lying on your bed wanting to have sex with you, that you would turn her down?? Or lets say Angelina Jolie or Beyonce got your #, asks if they can get it on with you, and then you say "nope, wanna stay alone tonight...gonna just watch some porn instead."
> ...


 :agree 
I fall in love very easily; however, good looks are not enough to make me fall in love. My main rule for making love is that I would only make love to a lady if I, honestly, felt I could spend the rest of my life with her. For example, I once had a crush on a lady in my english class. She was sweet, shy, soft-spoken, beautiful, kind, compassionate, caring, smart, petite, modest, and adorable. I never spoke to her much outside of class, and she didn't even realize the extent of my feelings . Nonetheless, our limited encounters was enough to make me fall completely in love with her.

I've seen many beautiful ladies in my lifetime, but I only fall in love with the one's who also have (or at least seem to have) beautiful hearts; and I only have crushes on ladies I'm in love with.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

So is it religious reasons why you wouldn't do it with someone you're not in love with?


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

Strength said:


> Or lets say Angelina Jolie or Beyonce got your #, asks if they can get it on with you, and then you say "nope, wanna stay alone tonight...gonna just watch some porn instead."


If Angelina or Beyonce called me solely for sex, I would be turned-off. I don't like women who are easy, promiscuous, dirty, or overly experience. If one of these ladies called me to go to a movie or out to dinner, I would say yes because that is the kind of requests proper women make. Only a **** would have the audacity to call up a random stranger for a friendly ****.

I don't even fantasize about having sex with women I'm not in love with. I rarely think about sex; instead, I just think about what it would be like to hold a lovely lady in my arms or spend an evening hanging-out together.

I know, I'm quit an odd individual, but there is something liberating about saying things that most people (who know me in real life) don't know.

Ooh, one more thing I want to add. Even though I'm sexually conservative and have no desire to engage in unloving sex, I still respect other lifestyles. What I've written above and in other post are simply my own personal beliefs. 

I think everybody has a right to live life as they choose, and should not be judged for their behavior. The only sexual behaviors I have NO tolerance for are people who *harm others *(aggressive, manipulative players/****s, rapists, etc).


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Strength said:


> So is it religious reasons why you wouldn't do it with someone you're not in love with?


Nope. I have no religion or moral objection to it (I don't really have religion at all in my life). But sex is a very emotional thing, and I would want to be with someone I care about and trust.


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## Tungsten (Dec 11, 2005)

In the early stages of a relationship it's often hard to know whether you are truly in love with someone or are merely riding the wave of passion that you feel when you're with someone you're attracted to.

Romance can often be just as shallow as meaningless sex.

Genuine love takes a long, long time to develop. Years even. With that in mind I think it's okay and normal to want to be intimate with someone you have feelings for, even if the depth of those feelings are not yet known. 


I'm kind of an idiot about this stuff though so what do I know. :stu


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



Tungsten said:


> In the early stages of a relationship it's often hard to know whether you are truly in love with someone or are merely riding the wave of passion that you feel when you're with someone you're attracted to.


And what happens if you never lose that passion? That is the one part of relationships I don't understand.


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## elephant_girl (Dec 10, 2004)

sex is scary enough as it is, I don't get how people can just do it with anyone. I think I'd rather never have sex, than settle for doing it with somone that I didn't love.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

elephant_girl said:


> sex is scary enough as it is, I don't get how people can just do it with anyone. I think I'd rather never have sex, than settle for doing it with somone that I didn't love.


 :agree


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

No, wouldn't feel right.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't love.


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## Failure (Feb 4, 2007)

I have had sex with women i felt no connection with many a time although i paid for it most of those times. A guy needs some physical gratification and it's beter then porn. 

But I would rather have done it with a women i loved if there was that option but that hasnt happened. But i do not feel bad for doing what i did what so ever.

And a crush isn't love. You barley know them, love takes time to devlop. Most crushes are just physical attraction anyways so i don't see the big deal here.


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## Cheesecake (Feb 2, 2007)

I wouldn't have sex with someone I'm not in love with.
It would kind of take away the experience of having sex with a person who I am in love with.


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## addictedtochaos (Jun 11, 2004)

Ideally I would want to have sex with someone I'm in love with. But to be honest if the opportunity to have sex ever came about I wouldn't pass it up.


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## Teneras (Jan 14, 2007)

Doubt I'd have sex with somebody I wasn't in love with. Not so much because I value the experience or because I have some binding moral belief about it, but rather I just don't think I could handle the anxiety of it with someone I wasn't all that close to.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



glittergaze said:


> mserychic said:
> 
> 
> > Oh I have many times. Never was that great.. or even good.. or even something I really wanted to do.. but did anyways. Hmm.
> ...


yep


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



mserychic said:


> Oh I have many times. Never was that great.. or even good.. or even something I really wanted to do.. but did anyways. Hmm.


Right there with you.

I am married and very much in love and that does it make it better. But to say that I have been in LOVE EVERY TIME...nah I would just be lying.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Not absolutely sure, but I think I'm more likely to only have sex with someone I love.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I guess I would... I mean there are things other than love that are good too. But there would have to be some kind of attatchment I guess... but then what do I know?


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

So far, I've only had sex with people I'm not in love with. I at least like them, but if I was waiting to "be in love", I'd still be a virgin. I haven't found Mr. Right and I'm starting to seriously doubt I will. I may as well look for Bin Laden while I'm at it. Those are the odds...and even if I was in love with someone, that doesn't necessarily mean he would be in love with me which is a bad situation anyway if it's one-sided.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: LOVE & SEX*



Failure said:


> But I would rather have done it with a women i loved if there was that option but that hasnt happened. But i do not feel bad for doing what i did what so ever.


That's exactly how I feel too. Of course I'd rather have sex with someone I love or was in love with, but that hasn't happened for me either and I also don't feel bad about what I've done. I respect those who want to wait. I don't judge others and in return, don't want to be judged.


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