# Age Gap?



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

When does the age gap between a couple get looked at as weird? I mean is a 5yr age gap considered weird? 10? Maybe just a couple? I personally give no f-cks as long as its legal. Just wondering what others thought.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

There's the general rule of half your age plus seven, but deep down it shouldn't really matter as long as both people r say 20+. A blogger who I read for years before he packed it in was (I believe) at least 20 years older than his wife, and the way he talked about her (she died) u could tell he really loved her, that was actually why he started blogging in the first place...


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

What I personally think about age gaps is the same I think about pretty much everything else of a moral nature, if there is no harm being done there is no problem. In this case it would seem there is no harm (assuming the younger person isn't a child, and I mean an actual child not a Wingsian child ).


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## Furiosa (Jun 2, 2015)

I think it all depends on the couple and how old they are. I think it can look strange if someone 30 + is dating someone still in their teens, it makes me wonder how the dynamics of relationships like that work exactly, as when your a teenager and in your early twenties for that matter, you have such a different mind set of the world compared to somebody older. Personally I couldn't imagine dating somebody in their teens, people at that age seem so young mentally, most are like kids still, it just wouldn't work.

When people are older though, I see no problem then with age gaps, say a 30 year old dating a 40 year old, someone in their 60's dating someone in their 50's, and so on.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

I feel like the older you are, the more appropriate (and potentially compatible) wider age gaps become--from a developmental and life-stage perspective. A, say, 13-year-old and a 17-year-old dating is obviously a much different dynamic than that of a relationship between a 24-year-old and a 28-year-old, for the simple fact that teenagers' personalities, minds, and perceptions of life are still rapidly growing and evolving at a much more progressive rate than older adults'. In many cases, a child who is 13 and that same child when she is 14 are completely different people. Barring trauma or any other significant life changes, a 40-year-old who becomes a 41-year-old is _maybe_ just likely to be a little grouchier. ;P

So, 5, 10, 15 + year gap the older you are? Much less of an issue.

Power dynamics are also something that are necessary to keep in mind, as is the case when dealing with instances of minors and adults.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

as long as everyone's happy, everyone's happy

in practical terms though, it's probably best to be looking for people at a simmilar 'life-stage', who are more likely to share simmilar interests and goals, etc.

The last thing you want is to come home from a hard day at work and have your GF bugging you to help with her maths homework


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

You can't control what other people think about an age gap, so if you're okay with it, and you don't mind putting up with comments, it's not really an issue as long as you both want the same things and you're in compatible life stages.

I was 7 years older than my last gf and it was never an issue. I was in my 30s and she was in her 20s when we started dating and no one even mentioned it, though she did sometimes call me a cradle-robber.

Ime, people tend to find younger man/older woman dynamics a little odd, but it tends to be counterbalanced by the assumption that the man can take care of himself. With older man/younger woman dynamics, even though they're more common, there tends to be much more concern about whether or not the woman is being exploited. So the 'flavor' of other people's responses will change depending on which partner is older. You'll have different things to 'prove' to other people.



splendidbob said:


> I mean an actual child not a Wingsian child ).


Lmao


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

I never really cared about it. At 26 I was dating a 36 year old. At 17(though this wasn't really dating) I was briefly with a woman who was 27-29(forgot how old she was but I know she was at least 27). Most the women I dated were in the their 30s, early to mid to late, I'm not 30 yet. So yeah I never really cared, it's all about the connection made, if we both like each other doesn't really matter the age. Though at 50 I wouldn't be going after a 20 year old or similar extreme age gaps like that. Whenever I go on online dating my age range is 20-40.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Besides the things already mentioned by others, I think how old the people themselves look can matter too. I'm in my early 30's but could pass for mid to late 20's so I doubt most people would bat an eye if I dated a girl in her mid 20's and up.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

5 years is way too much :b


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

I really don't care. Although I might assume things if an 18 year old and 30 year old are together. But it's not a big deal.. A lot of times relationships boil down to people using each other for something anyways. Not in a bad way either.. That's just how it works. My parents are 6 years apart and my mom met my dad when she was 17. That was the 70s though. I've known people with a 10 year gap that make it work too. My husband and I are only 6 months apart, and I'm sure us both being 23 seems weird to some.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

truant said:


> Lmao


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Age is just a number. It only matters if you let it.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

if a 5 year age gap is weird, I don't want to be right.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> 5 years is way too much


Very funny. I wonder what his answer is going to be.  

@*Kevin001*

Depends on who you talk to.

I believe anything below 20 is too young (many older women mention this, so seems to be universal amongst older women) if the older person is above 20.

But some older women say up to 20 years difference is ok and the max (youngest above 20).

In some countries 10 years difference is considered ok.

But universally accepted in society is 5 years each way of your age and above 20 for the youngest if you are above 20.

Also it matters a lot on age, say you are 30 something, dating or marrying someone into 40-50 is not uncommon and is accepted. Same when women get into 70-90's where their partner dies and younger is their only option (men don't live as long as women do for many reasons). So age plays a part as well.

It's like they said above, its about life experiences, things in common (say you both were brought up with 90's music, things you do, etc as a few examples) that those age groups share which forms the base for a relationship.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

The older you both are, the more you can get away with the age gap without looking weird. In the end it is just a number. Perception of others do not matter as long as the relationship works.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> Very funny. I wonder what his answer is going to be.


Hehe 0


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

Not really. I think it's pretty common nowadays for people who are 5 - 10 years apart to be in relationships. Half the girls I went to high school with are in relationships with 28-30 year old guys. Girls tend to go for older guys. Even 15 - 20 year gaps are pretty common.

As for me, the thought of DATING someone who isn't in the same age vicinity as me is a little off-putting. I'm only 21, but even I feel creepy when thinking about dating an 18 year old even though she'd only be 3 years younger than me. My ideal partner would be the exact age as me, but I'm in the minority on that one.

Notice how I put DATING in caps before. I'd have nothing against having sex with an 18 year old, bring it on; but actually dating one is a no-go for me.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Any more than 6 weeks is pushing it.


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

Karsten said:


> Any more than 6 weeks is pushing it.


Anything more than 6 weeks... old? I totally agree. After that, they become old ladies!


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

I am sorry Kevin, you can't have an age gap bigger than four years.

Well, speaking not strictly of love-relationships I personally start to change the bigger the age gap between us are. I have a couple of friends who are 25,26 and that is fine but usually once you go above 30 or under 16 it's starts becoming weird to me. I guess there is no age set in stone though. If the person is very young I am starting to feel like the person could have been my little brother or sister and it makes me want to go forward as a good example, and so I would stop swearing to give one example. If the person is much older than me I would try to be very respectful, because of how you are thought to treat your elders. Both of these things change me and I don't like it.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

5-ish years has been my extent.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I think you're fine Kevin - a few years is nothing. 

I don't really care all that much but it starts to get a bit weird when it looks like a girl is getting around with her Dad. That's just embarassing.


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## cckmp (Feb 6, 2016)

In the book of Genesis (19:30) Lot was over 75 when he had sex with his own daughters. I'm guessing that the age gap was over 40 years. Is that creepy enough for you?


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Afreen88 said:


> I'd say weirdness starts to set in at a 10+ year gap, especially if you make a habit out of it. If all/most of your partners have been significantly younger/older than you, it says something about you, usually negative.


No it doesn't. That doesn't even begin to make sense. Once you're an adult, who you get along with is who you get along with. I hope you're ok with people judging you for something that doesn't affect them in any way, shape or form.


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## Explorer5 (May 25, 2016)

I personally couldn't care less about age, and am really turned off by age-judgmental people. 

Because I am developmentally such a hodgepodge of different ages, I couldn't see myself thinking any other way. Sexually and emotionally speaking, I feel caught between a child and an adult in some way, which means that even in partners 20 and up I need a certain childlikeness in a woman's approach to romance and sex to be attracted in the first place. For that reason, as long as someone is over 18 there is no lower limit. On the other hand, there certainly a lower bound on intellectual maturity, and in some other areas too. Someone who acts "too cool for school" or does stupid things all the time would not be compatible with me.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

I had a friend in highschool (16 at the time) who started a relationship with a partner in their early 30's. That kind of age gap is very unusual here, but not illegal; and from knowing both of them the relationship didn't seem exploitative or coercive in any way

They're still together now, 10 years later, living in their own home and both in successful careers; so I'd say it worked out fine for them


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@CurrentlyJaded

:grin2:


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## NeverSayDie (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm 36 and my husband is about to turn 50. We married when I was 27. Our age difference has always bothered him more than it bothers me. He used to worry that people would think he was a creep. It never mattered to me, though. In fact, I never even think about our age difference until someone else brings it up, which does happen sometimes. I look young for my age. People sometimes think he is my father. This has happened many times in the years we've been together.

I agree with others who have said that it depends on the couple and the age of the couple, not the actual age difference. A 35-year-old dating or marrying someone who is 50+ is not a big deal, really, because a 35-year-old should be mature enough to handle the relationship. An 18-year-old dating a 35-year-old is a totally different thing because the 18-year-old is still basically a child with very little life experience. And it says something about an older person when they want to be with someone who is significantly young, not necessarily when they choose someone who is significantly younger.

Last week, we got together with my husband's best friend. His best friend recently married a woman who is twenty years younger than he is. So, we were two 50-ish guys and their younger wives. And we're all happily married. If it works, it works. It's a matter of preference and personalities, not a big moral dilemma or psychological problem.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> 5 years is way too much :b


Well its soon to be 6yrs so get ready. :grin2:


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Its interesting how many people here are saying age gaps are okay, yet when I was the one who posted it I got massively attacked (see here https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/getting-women-to-approach-me.16590/ ) Does anyone have any clues why?


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

causalset said:


> Its interesting how many people here are saying age gaps are okay, yet when I was the one who posted it I got massively attacked (see here https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/getting-women-to-approach-me.16590/ ) Does anyone have any clues why?


People here are mostly talking about age gaps in the hypothetical; e.g. if 2 people who are dating just so happen to have an age gap

Your thread was about you actively seeking a relationship, with an age gap as one of your stated goals. People would probably react better if you were talking about a specific girl you liked (due to personality/shared interests/etc.) and with the age gap just being incidental.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Red October said:


> People here are mostly talking about age gaps in the hypothetical; e.g. if 2 people who are dating just so happen to have an age gap
> 
> Your thread was about you actively seeking a relationship, with an age gap as one of your stated goals. People would probably react better if you were talking about a specific girl you liked (due to personality/shared interests/etc.) and with the age gap just being incidental.


Yeah, except that in order to have someone specific that I like I have to be socially accepted that would allow for sufficient social interaction to run into such a person. By the way, could this be a clue as to why social outcasts are further ostracized: whereas someone socially accepted has issues with specific individuals, the only issue outcast can possibly express is the general idea of getting rid of the outcast status and, just like you said, the latter can be mistaken for a user type of attitude?


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

There is no actual problem with the age gap as long as the 2 involved are fine with it.

It's the people from the outside that make it a problem, a relationship between 2 people that love each other ain't their damn business. (sorry for english)


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

NeverSayDie said:


> I'm 36 and my husband is about to turn 50. We married when I was 27. *Our age difference has always bothered him more than it bothers me.* He used to worry that people would think he was a creep. It never mattered to me, though. In fact, I never even think about our age difference until someone else brings it up, which does happen sometimes. I look young for my age. People sometimes think he is my father. This has happened many times in the years we've been together.


I think that's the way it usually is. I'm older than my boyfriend, and while the age difference rarely occurs to me on an intellectual level, it's still the older party who tends to get questioned, etc(and I think we have more insecurities about being physically older). Especially in my case, since I'm a woman. I look younger than my age, though, so we don't seem to raise many eyebrows. Age was not a factor when we started liking each other, so it would be annoying if people assumed that it was(thankfully that hasn't happened).

So yeah, I don't care as long as both people involved are equals and in it for the right reasons. Just like with any other relationship, really.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@NeverSayDie

Well said. 

I was saying above 20, as is when a person is considered an adult. But even then some older women I read said 25+ is when the mind is mentally mature enough.



Kevin001 said:


> Well its soon to be 6yrs so get ready. :grin2:


Hahahaha, you two are hilarious. :grin2:


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Afreen88 said:


> Your relationships (or lack of them) says something about you. That's common sense. If a woman consistently has relationships with older, _older _men there is a reason or reasons why she is not connecting with men her own age. If someone is chronically single, there is a reason or reasons why they are not connecting with anybody. I'm not saying the reasons will automatically be negative, but they usually will be, from the perspective of someone looking for a healthy, well adjusted partner. It is not my business if a random person wants to go out with someone younger/older but this is not the question being asked here. The question is actually inviting people to judge which EVERYBODY has done, but because mine is on the slightly negative side, it's singled out. Saying 'it's okay' or something along those lines is, in fact, a judgement also.
> 
> I am absolutely okay with people judging me, as I respect human nature and I'm not over-sensitive. There might even be something useful to learn from such judgement. I find it childish when people whine about it and hypocritical, as they will, for certain, do it themselves.


You can't spin this around by saying approving of relationship age gaps is also a judgment. Recognizing that there is nothing negative about adults being in a relationship with a sizable age gap is accepting the fact that two grown adults can do what they want. That's positive. By saying a 10+ year age gap is weird and that those who prefer to be with a significant other who is that much older or younger usually prefer such relationships for a negative reason, you are passing a negative judgment on those people. It is not the same as saying you're ok with such a relationship. We should all be ok with other consenting adults being happy with whoever they want to be with.

In this post, you're suggesting that someone looking for a healthy and well-adjusted partner (whatever well-adjusted means in this situation) is going to hold a negative opinion of those who enjoy relationships with sizable age gaps. Why are you assuming that someone looking for a "healthy and well-adjusted" partner isn't looking outside their immediate age group?

I'll use myself as an example. In my limited experience with women, I've prefered the company of women in their 40s. I'm 32. I simply get along with older people better than my own age and younger... and there's nothing negative about that. That's not to say I write off all women my age and younger. There's just nothing at all negative about me pursuing older women. What matters is if we want the same things out of life and if we can enjoy it together, not the dates of birth.

And no, a person's relationships or lack thereof don't "say something" about them. The only reason you think that is common sense is because the average person today cares more about what others are doing than what they're doing themselves. If people would just mind their own business and not concern themselves with what other adults do with their lives, the world would be a far more positive place. To me, THAT is common sense.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Afreen88 said:


> Oi vay. We'll just have to agree to disagree. Whether you like it or not, your relationships say something about you. Having friends that take advantage of you says that you have weak boundaries. Having a partner that beats you senseless shows you have low self-worth. Having a happy, loving relationship shows you know how to manage your emotions and an indication of little mental pathology. How can anyone conclude that the way you interact with other people says not an iota about you is truly beyond me.
> 
> I haven't said I disapprove of age gap relationships. The question asked was *when do they get looked at as weird,* and I said 10+ years. Not alot of people have actually answered this question. What they've heard is *'when do age gap relationships become wrong' *. They've answered the question emotionally, reacting to the negative connotation of the word, rather than what the word actually means. In other posters' brains it's gone: weird = negative = wrong. In my brain it's gone: weird = unusual/abnormal. You know, I'm using the actual definition. This topic is not a question of morals, right or wrong. Seeing a 40 year old and 80 year old as a couple would be weird to most people, and IS unusual, but whether it is wrong is another issue. I don't think it's wrong, I think it's weird, which is fine.
> 
> Your using yourself as an example but that proves my point, doesn't it? I'm assuming you have social anxiety i.e a negative trait. Having this does somewhat explain your 'limited' experience with women. See? Saying something about you. From the perspective of ME (looking for a healthyish matey mate) it clues me in a little bit, whether I should avoid or approach...


I don't see my social anxiety as a negative trait. It's part of the great person I am. In fact, I'm strangely thankful I don't like to be around a lot of people. I know people who are social butterflies and drama follows them around. Anyone who looks at me in any negative way because I've yet to have a meaningful relationship at my age is a s***ty person. Same can be said for anyone who looks at me in a negative way because I prefer the company of a woman in her 40s over that of a woman my age or younger.

You saying age gaps become weird at 10+ years, then saying here that weird means unusual/abnormal, is indeed passing a judgment of disapproval. Your example of a 40 year-old with an 80 year-old is an extreme example of the point you're failing to make. That scenario would raise the question of is the 40 year-old in it for whatever the 80 year-old has when he/she dies. That's not a question of the age gap, it's a question of intentions. A 40 year-old with a 55 year-old should not raise any eyebrows, but since it's passed that 10-year threshold of yours, somehow it's just as "weird"?

Bottom line, why worry about what other people prefer for their relationships? There are so many aspects to a relationship, age being only one meaningless part of it. Questions, conversations and some answers on topics like this only show that our society would rather judge people negatively than mind their own business.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

Well, age gap is a very sexist thing to talk about, because if you are a man and you`re dating someone who is older than you - you will be taken as weird by everybody. If you`re a female dating someone who is 5 or even 10-15 years older than you are - it is perfectly fine and no one cares. Don`t even get me started on girls that had just had their 18 yr birthday and want to go on a date "with that hot-*** 22 year old last year student".
Western culture is very unbalanced in sexism. Feminists are screaming about their rights and how they should get more, when they should have screamed about creating a culture that is balanced for both men and women. Not gonna happen in our world, tough. We just like to jump from radical femism to radical malism. 

But speaking more towards the point. I personally don`t like seeing couples that have an age gap at all. 2-3 years - fine. But more than 4 is not smart. Physiology is different, someone will get old faster, your beliefs may differ. It happens that sometimes people are more or less old than their number says, but it is hard to find someone who`ll suit you. Anyway, the short answer is absolutely no. As long as it is allowed by law, you can do it, but personally I don`t like it.


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## TianaD (Sep 24, 2016)

As long as you're both adults, age doesn't matter. As king as you're both happy, that's all that matters


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

a 90 year old should not be dating 20 year old.....


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## BAC (Aug 16, 2015)

Outside of extreme rare examples that call chemistry into question, it's not weird at all. In most typical cases of an age gap, it doesn't matter. There is no good reason why it should be considered weird for a 20 year old to date a 25 year old.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Sliusarek said:


> Well, age gap is a very sexist thing to talk about, because if you are a man and you`re dating someone who is older than you - you will be taken as weird by everybody. If you`re a female dating someone who is 5 or even 10-15 years older than you are - it is perfectly fine and no one cares.


Its more complicated than that: if you are an older female dating someone much younger then yourself then people say you are a cougar, and of course if you are an older man looking for younger women then people think you are a creep: https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/getting-women-to-approach-me.16590/

So maybe its AGIST rather than sexist: if there is an age gap then whoever is older gets blamed and whoever is younger doesn't?

By the way back in Russia when I was little I got mad that my mom followed the rule of etiquette in giving food to older people first. Some of the times I was arguing about it I was told "well, if we were to give younger people first, then at the time when you get older you will complain about that". Well ironically enough, thats exactly what happened. Apparently American culture is oriented towards younger folks while Russian towards older ones, so since I moved to America at 14, I was not around to rip the benefits of being older and thats why right now, at 36, I am asking the exact question they told me I would be asking: why are older people ostracized?!

Incidentally this goes down to a T a lot further than you think. Back in Russia they told me that as a younger person I should say hi first when I pass by adults. But right now in America that I complain why people don't approach me, I was told that they feel awkward because I am older AND I was ALSO given advice to approach them first! So in other words its the reverse of Russia: older are supposed to approach younger first!


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## lovleyyintrovert (Sep 5, 2016)

I think it just depends on the couple. Right now I'm interested in this guy who's 9 yrs older than me ( I'm 20) If you guys have a connection and enjoy spending time together then it's up to you


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*Not so simple as just the (potential?) partner*

offspring

my two 30-year gap older brothers. No sister for us.

my parents 50-year age

6 nieces

30 years of mum
40 years of dad
deceased


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Afreen88 said:


> You know _one thing _ about a person - that they have a 'negative' view on someone who has no relationships (a decent barometer on a person's character) .


Here is why its NOT a decent barometer. Since everyone THINKS its a decent barometer, having no relationships keeps that person single since everyone is like "he had no relationships, so he is bad, so we shouldn't date him either". But then he is trapped in the loop. Maybe he was bad in the past and he learned his lesson? But not having relationships in the past keeps him from having relationships now, and then not having relationships now keeps him from having relationships in the future, since everyone judges him for it. Now don't you see how unfair it is? Speaking of your barometer analogy, its like people were to deliberately alter the weather (there are ways of doing it from the airplanes) in order to make sure air pressure STAYS the way barometer shows it to be!


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

lovleyyintrovert said:


> I think it just depends on the couple. Right now I'm interested in this guy who's 9 yrs older than me ( I'm 20) If you guys have a connection and enjoy spending time together then it's up to you


Not trying to be rude, but just think what kind of problems you`ll have, when he is going to be an old 50 grandpa and you are still 41 y.o. woman with many needs that he won`t be able to satisfy. Just saying...


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## lovleyyintrovert (Sep 5, 2016)

Sliusarek said:


> Not trying to be rude, but just think what kind of problems you`ll have, when he is going to be an old 50 grandpa and you are still 41 y.o. woman with many needs that he won`t be able to satisfy. Just saying...


I understand where your coming from and i have thought about it myself, yes as we both get older there may be things that he wants that I'm not ready for ( ex. marriage) but right now were just friends more than anything, we do get along really well but then again we don't constantly talk about our age gap


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Afreen88 said:


> BIB: I thought you were anti-judgment for a second, but here you are, doing it yourself  You know _one thing _ about a person - that they have a 'negative' view on someone who has no relationships (a decent barometer on a person's character) - and it's enough for you to conclude their _entire being_ as '****ty'?
> 
> It's fine, though. You have whatever opinions/feelings/judgments/biases that work for you. Providing we have a healthy brain, we will have them. Although somewhat childish, by believing that someone who has a negative view on you is a '****ty person', you avoid that person, ergo you avoid negativity. That makes sense. What I find utterly disrespectful is your hypocrisy (which I mentioned earlier) - you're okay with doing it yourself, but not when I do it. Your judgments are correct, mine are wrong and must be changed. In essence, you not wanting me to judge on _my_ terms, but on yours, you don't want me to get the best for myself. Because changing my thoughts to match yours is best for you, not for me. I have never, ever been this disrespectful. Yuck.


You need to not take expressions so literally. For that moment where someone is judging others for something that is absolutely none of their business, yes, he/she is a s***ty person. Does that mean I think that about their "entire being", not necessarily. Like it or not however, when you express a negative judgment about people you don't know (especially about their relationships, which is none of your business), that's likely what people will think of you.

The difference in judgments here, is that people in relationships with an age-gap have not done anything to bring on such negative judgments. People who needlessly judge them for living their life as they please (without hurting others), do bring on such judgments to themselves.



Afreen88 said:


> I don't worry. Kevin asked when an age gap looked as weird (and they do) and I answered. You are the one who replied to me, obviously because you're upset or something, which is your issue. I think you want me to change my mind, so you can feel better. No. That's your responsibility.


Not at all. However, if you don't worry about others prefer for a partner in a relationship, why have an opinion other than "I don't care"? That's one thing that drives me nuts about so many people. They say they don't care/worry about what others do with their lives, yet they will still pass judgment. I will be fair though, and recognize that a question asking opinions on this subject is designed to make anyone who answers with anything but "who cares as long as it's legal" (beyond extreme situational examples), look like an a**hole.



causalset said:


> Here is why its NOT a decent barometer. Since everyone THINKS its a decent barometer, having no relationships keeps that person single since everyone is like "he had no relationships, so he is bad, so we shouldn't date him either". But then he is trapped in the loop. Maybe he was bad in the past and he learned his lesson? But not having relationships in the past keeps him from having relationships now, and then not having relationships now keeps him from having relationships in the future, since everyone judges him for it. Now don't you see how unfair it is?


Couldn't have said it better myself. I have been rejected for my not-so-extensive relationship experience. I remember that conversation. I was 26 and when the woman and I were talking about what we wanted after a few dates, she asked how many relationships I had been in. My answer was that I had gone on a few dates with one woman a year or so prior and that was it, she lost her marbles. She said, "that changes everything". I replied, "how does that change anything?". She said it just did, at which point I decided to move on rather than deal with that kind of craziness.



Sliusarek said:


> Not trying to be rude, but just think what kind of problems you`ll have, when he is going to be an old 50 grandpa and you are still 41 y.o. woman with many needs that he won`t be able to satisfy. Just saying...


Since when it 50 a magic age where your sexual abilities just disappear? Of course age plays a factor, but to suggest that 50 means your sex life just ends is ridiculous.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

Yeah, keep telling it to yourself. It may not end only if you`re a Robocop who is going in gym everyday, not drinking alcohol or not doing similar stuff. 
My mother is married to a guy, who is 15 years older than she is and believe my ears, living with age gap is a sentence for neverending fights. 
People change their minds and needs with age. If you want THIS - well, good luck for you, but don`t tell people that it`s okay, because it is totally not, it`s sick and disgusting.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Sliusarek said:


> Yeah, keep telling it to yourself. It may not end only if you`re a Robocop who is going in gym everyday, not drinking alcohol or not doing similar stuff.
> My mother is married to a guy, who is 15 years older than she is and believe my ears, living with age gap is a sentence for neverending fights.
> People change their minds and needs with age. If you want THIS - well, good luck for you, but don`t tell people that it`s okay, because it is totally not, *it`s sick and disgusting.*


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

Persephone The Dread said:


>


Let`s say someone is older on 15 or 20 years. And just think that when this guy or girl had turned 20, his future partner had just been BORN for Christ`s sake.


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## Carolyne (Sep 20, 2016)

No comment on age gaps, but I thought it was funny that you wrote about a 50 year old grandpa not being able to satisfy needs. I don't know what you think 50 looks like, but 50 year olds are having sex. 70 year olds are having sex. A 50 year old isn't even near retirement, my dad is 55 and he runs, works, shovels snow, and he's not even healthy. (He's also not a grandpa!)


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Sliusarek said:


> Let`s say someone is older on 15 or 20 years. And just think that when this guy or girl had turned 20, his future partner had just been BORN for Christ`s sake.


Oh no.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Sliusarek said:


> Yeah, keep telling it to yourself. It may not end only if you`re a Robocop who is going in gym everyday, not drinking alcohol or not doing similar stuff.
> My mother is married to a guy, who is 15 years older than she is and believe my ears, living with age gap is a sentence for neverending fights.
> People change their minds and needs with age. If you want THIS - well, good luck for you, but don`t tell people that it`s okay, because it is totally not, it`s sick and disgusting.


No, their neverending fights are because they're not compatible people. My parents are 12 years apart and their marriage lasted 4 years, mainly because my mother has a sense of entitlement. Her mind was the same when she had me at 21 as it is today at 54. One of my uncles was 14 years older than his wife. They got married as soon as she finished high school and they raised a great family.

Of course, age may play a factor for some in those relationships. Not everyone is the same. Every situation is different. While some 50 year-olds have sexual dysfunction, many can f*** like rabbits until they are much older. You're generalizing all men into a category of suddenly not being able to have or not wanting sex when they turn 50. It's asinine.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

Lol.

Once everybody is of legal age, the 'age gap' argument goes out the window. Maybe people think it's weird or 'creepy' but the problem is theirs for being stupid.

It all depends on the reasons behind it. If somebody is dating somebody an 18 year old when they are 40 because they want to have some hot, young, piece of ***, that's obviously not cool. If somebody is dating somebody 20 years younger because they get along great, have similar interests and care for and respect each other, who cares. It's their life. No two people are alike. While I personally would probably never seek out somebody younger than like 25 (completely estimating), if I didn't know the age of somebody and I got along great with them and they looked and acted mature, I wouldn't ignore the opportunity for something more simply because of what others might say. Eff that noize.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

PGVan said:


> No, their neverending fights are because they're not compatible people. My parents are 12 years apart and their marriage lasted 4 years, mainly because my mother has a sense of entitlement. Her mind was the same when she had me at 21 as it is today at 54. One of my uncles was 14 years older than his wife. They got married as soon as she finished high school and they raised a great family.
> 
> Of course, age may play a factor for some in those relationships. Not everyone is the same. Every situation is different. While some 50 year-olds have sexual dysfunction, many can f*** like rabbits until they are much older. You're generalizing all men into a category of suddenly not being able to have or not wanting sex when they turn 50. It's asinine.


Yeah, mostly it`s because they don`t want you to hear those things and believe me, if a family looks "nice: on the outside, it doesn`t mean they don`t tear their house apart, when you`re not there. Such a naive folk you are.

And I didn`t mean to say that you can`t do it, if you`re old. What I am saying is that with age you have more sex and you don`t focus on it as much as you did before. If a teen focuses on it, because he has not often, then mature focuses on it a little bit less, but still and old is like 15-20%. That`s also what makes problems: different desires.


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## vela (Apr 19, 2012)

It really depends on the ages. I mean someone who is 40 with a 20 year old seems weird, but 50 with a 30 year old would be fine. For me personally, I'd be willing to go 15 years in either direction.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Sliusarek said:


> Yeah, mostly it`s because they don`t want you to hear those things and believe me, if a family looks "nice: on the outside, it doesn`t mean they don`t tear their house apart, when you`re not there. Such a naive folk you are.
> 
> And I didn`t mean to say that you can`t do it, if you`re old. What I am saying is that with age you have more sex and you don`t focus on it as much as you did before. If a teen focuses on it, because he has not often, then mature focuses on it a little bit less, but still and old is like 15-20%. That`s also what makes problems: different desires.


Just because it's not all peachy for some families, doesn't mean that's the case for everyone, like you seem to think. I'm not naive, you're being cynical.

You lost coherency with the second short paragraph.


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## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

My girlfriend and I are only 3 months apart. I definitely prefer closer to my age. I do think it can be a little weird if the gap is too wide, but like you said, as long as it's legal and the couple are okay with it then ultimately I don't have a problem with it. Personally though, I like closer to my age because we'd have commonalities that a larger age gap wouldn't allow. We grew up watching the same cartoons, listening to the same era of music, went through a lot of the same fads, etc. I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who wasn't even old enough to remember 9/11. lol


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## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

I don't like seeing young people with older people because when you are young you are still maturing and you have so much growing up to do. But after 30 I see anything as reasonable. A 30 year old with a 50 year old is fine to me. But a teenager with a old person isnt acceptable.

That's my view on it anyways.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

TL DR this may have been said already but...

The human animal sees age as a negative factor in biological functions, so it's only natural that people who are older will be able to tolerate a greater age gap.
Survival of the fittest, throughout history, has mainly been an evolutionary mechanism reserved primarily for males, thus the female animal's preference for older males.
Since people have a tendency to pair up, at least for a time, it is normal to assume that less desirable, older animals will have to lower their standards in order to find a mate.
The complexity of the biomechanisms that pertain to reproduction in humans appears so advanced that I'm convinced that biology has determined that it's in all of our best interests to pair up, and although most behavioral evolutionary mechanisms that I've studied seem to be completely obsolete, I think that this one still has some validity.

Emotional maturity is emotional stability and an understanding of how to press one's own buttons when necessary.
This ability to control one's internal environment allows one to resist being overwhelmed by the external environment.
In adults, acceptance is achieved by seeing difference, calming oneself, and applying reason in order to determine a threat level, or lack thereof.
Arguing angrily with one's significant other is a sociopathic behavior which inevitably leads to emotional trauma, mental illness.
Compatibility between two people is more than 80% emotional maturity. Without this, your relationship's survival may as well be left to the flip of a coin.

There is no moral choice when considering age difference. I'm not a big reader, but I have studied some religious texts, and I've never seen anything stating that people should be the same age. I'm a typical male with recessive mating preferences for younger petite type of women. Seeing unusual pairings is odd, absurd even, but unless it's abusive, it's no one else's decision but theirs.

I'd assume that people on the internet are an exception, since true collective social use of the internet is actually quite minimal across the globe, but the vast majority of people need to have someone to have their back, someone they can confide in and trust completely, emotionally, intellectually, and physically, someone who has also developed a strong interest in return, in order to maintain their emotional stability. I spent a long time studying the thoughts and feelings and beliefs of the online population, and I no longer believe that it is a valid sample group. It's amazing how the internet has attracted so many deviants and misfits.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

This is a funny question now that I think about it as I have no set, strict rules on who to date in regards to age. Before my last ex, I often told myself that I would never date someone over twice my age. But my last ex happened to go against that rule. At first, I was a little uncomfortable about the situation and his advances. I don't think it was so much his age itself that gave me difficulties but rather the hurdles that I was expecting to overcome had I agreed to be in a relationship with him. Now, I'm just realizing that I don't really give a ****, and my former age guidelines need not apply anymore. I just can't afford to be too picky because it's hard enough to find decent dates.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I've been in two relationships with women who were 5 years older than me and one with somebody who was about 4 years younger. I honestly don't mind either way, although if she's considerably younger it's desirable that she knows what she wants. The same went for me when I was the younger one (and unfortunately I didn't), despite that being only one of many reasons those relationships ended.


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