# Online Dating....How Long To Reply



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I've recently taken up online dating.

I find it hard to be motivated to reply to people I don't know. I usually respond within 12-24 hours. But these people reply back so quickly. Is that the norm?

How long do you wait to reply to people on online dating?

How are people so motivated to reply to ppl they don't know so quickly? FFS. I wish they were the suppliers I deal with at work :roll


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

it doesn't work for me anymore and i avoid online dating. but usually i would sit with a persons reply and think it over for a day or two. i think they don't like it to be so slow though. they mostly wanted a distraction/entertainment and i'm not that lol. even for the shortest reply i would wait like a day and ponder/overthink it.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

IDK never tried that, reply before you turn into a skeleton : /


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## reussos (Apr 2, 2020)

I can only assume most don't put the same thought effort into generating replies; simple and easy for them to reply spontaneously throughout the day. Effortless communication not being a gift I possess, I have no idea how this is, but I acknowledge it does exist. 

On a dating site: 1.5 hour conversation through text and then invited to text later (after work). I was thinking, again? The same day? But we just talked for an hour and a half? Replied that it wasn't my speed (but I was interested, and they would hear from me soon).

This seems like it could be a detriment/additional reason for someone to lose interest, but it is what it is.

Dating is getting to know each other, and the speed and quantity of communication feels out compatibility. Not sure how far to extrapolate the data, ie, if this doesn't work out comfortably then it's unlikely for other areas to work out comfortably either. Again, not sure how far it goes, but I don't think it's negligible. Could not live with someone blowing up my phone on constant basis.


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## reussos (Apr 2, 2020)

24-48 hours is an excellent time frame in my mind, but I also know people who would hate that, to the tune of, "So and so ghosted me, they haven't replied since this morning."


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## The Strong Silent Type (Sep 24, 2009)

Online dating is a mess now. 10 years ago it was easy. Send a well thought out email, get a response, reply the next day, keep going for about a week, then talk on the phone. Now it's all about text messaging with everyone expecting instant replies and entire real time conversations via text messaging. Successful online dating is more about how witty you can be, asking questions that are very easy to answer that still spark interest, and quickly transitioning to asking the person out before they lose interest (or you lose interest).

In my experience, it's best to message them within 24 hours of matching, however don't message them until you are ready to have a full blown text conversation. If they respond back, have the conversation, be witty, ask interesting questions that are very easy to answer, then after 30 minutes ask them out. After 30 minutes they will likely have a vested interest in you. If they say no, which they will likely do, then you can ask what their expectations are. People seem to lose interest quickly with the online apps, so the longer you text, the less likely you will meet.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> I've recently taken up online dating.
> 
> I find it hard to be motivated to reply to people I don't know. I usually respond within 12-24 hours. But these people reply back so quickly. Is that the norm?
> 
> ...


It really depends on the person, I for example reply quite fast but my ex replied once or twice a day. So if it takes a while to respond, there's nothing immediately wrong with it. And if it really bothers you, you can always discuss it with said person, opening up about it usually helps.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

The Strong Silent Type said:


> Online dating is a mess now. 10 years ago it was easy. Send a well thought out email, get a response, reply the next day, keep going for about a week, then talk on the phone. Now it's all about text messaging with everyone expecting instant replies and entire real time conversations via text messaging. Successful online dating is more about how witty you can be, asking questions that are very easy to answer that still spark interest, and quickly transitioning to asking the person out before they lose interest (or you lose interest).
> 
> In my experience, it's best to message them within 24 hours of matching, however don't message them until you are ready to have a full blown text conversation. If they respond back, have the conversation, be witty, ask interesting questions that are very easy to answer, then after 30 minutes ask them out. After 30 minutes they will likely have a vested interest in you. If they say no, which they will likely do, then you can ask what their expectations are. People seem to lose interest quickly with the online apps, so the longer you text, the less likely you will meet.


30 minutes? Yikes... I'm really not cut out for online dating.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

andy1984 said:


> it doesn't work for me anymore and i avoid online dating. but usually i would sit with a persons reply and think it over for a day or two. i think they don't like it to be so slow though. they mostly wanted a distraction/entertainment and i'm not that lol. even for the shortest reply i would wait like a day and ponder/overthink it.


1-2 days? Glad to know I'm not the only slow replier haha. Did anyone ever meet up with you from them?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> 1-2 days? Glad to know I'm not the only slow replier haha. Did anyone ever meet up with you from them?


the last one was 2 years ago. waste of time. someone worth meeting 15 years ago. but yeah as others said, times have changed.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

If it's instant messaging I assume you'd reply instantly, unless you're not interested

If it's like a private message or email format, I'd assume you reply a couple times during the day. Once a day makes sense if it's a long response.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

If someone is replying almost instantly, it's kinda weird, but the whole "24-48 hour" thing feels so contrived. If someone consistently took that long to reply to my messages, I would lose interest pretty quickly.

The whole point is to get a rough feel for compatibility and meet in person ASAP, not be penpals, lol.

I don't know. That's just my take.


*EDIT* Whoops, you said 12-24 hours which is pretty reasonable, IMO. 

Honestly, the few and brief moments I've been on dating sites, the people who responded rather quickly were just bots.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Well, I guess I'm the last person to ask about anything to do with dating but I think whatever "norms" there are currently on how long you should wait are likely to end up going by the wayside eventually as people stop caring about such things and realize that two people who are looking for a date are both eager to communicate with one another and it's ridiculous to sit there by your computer wondering if you've waited long enough to avoid having the other person think you've violated a sacred law of dating. 

It's so strange to me to think that two people who want to get together are both putting off sending replies because they don't want to seem weird or desperate or whatever. Guess what? If they weren't desperate for a date they wouldn't be casting such a wide net in the first place. They're just wasting time on silly conventions that don't make any sense. You know darn well if you're interested in someone you read their message right away.

So I say you should respond as soon as you feel like you know exactly what you want to say and if they get weirded out by it, they don't really want a date that bad.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

I don't know. Having done very little online dating...I don't like instant messaging for long stretches of time because it keeps me glued to my laptop (I'd rather let it 'hang' and reply when I feel like it). But neither did I want to appear disinterested. So I'd get into a short exchange (5-10min) and then ask them out. Not sure if that's the etiquette though, one guy seemed really surprised : D Do what works for you! The people who'll be alright with that will be the sort of people you might get along with.


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## RSxo (Apr 19, 2018)

If you have some free time to chat, then text back, don't make it too complicated for yourself. As long as you're somewhere in between the guy who's sitting all day staring at the phone waiting for a reply, and the guy who texts once a week, I think you'll be okay


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

You should always respond back at your own pace. At least if you want to be genuine.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Well, I guess I'm the last person to ask about anything to do with dating but I think whatever "norms" there are currently on how long you should wait are likely to end up going by the wayside eventually as people stop caring about such things and realize that two people who are looking for a date are both eager to communicate with one another and it's ridiculous to sit there by your computer wondering if you've waited long enough to avoid having the other person think you've violated a sacred law of dating.
> 
> It's so strange to me to think that two people who want to get together are both putting off sending replies because they don't want to seem weird or desperate or whatever. Guess what? If they weren't desperate for a date they wouldn't be casting such a wide net in the first place. They're just wasting time on silly conventions that don't make any sense. You know darn well if you're interested in someone you read their message right away.
> 
> So I say you should respond as soon as you feel like you know exactly what you want to say and if they get weirded out by it, they don't really want a date that bad.


Well the thing is when people respond to me quickly, I don't like it. it makes me feel under pressure to reply. But anyway, I've deleted the app, because clearly i'm not in the right headspace to use it right now


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

There is no requirement for how fast you reply. When it comes to dating it's important to know you don't actually owe anybody anything.

On the other hand, the decent thing to do is if you want to date people that are able to make time for you, be able to make time for them. If you're only able to reply every once in a while, that's fine. But it's quicker to learn things about each other, in order to warm up/decide to let go/etc, if you have a full session of conversation. Could be several minutes, hours, or days depending on how interested you are in each other. You don't have to think _as hard_ about what to say then.

Personally speaking, unless I have something serious with somebody, find them particularly interesting to talk to, or am helping them/receiving help, it's hard for me to commit to conversation for more than a few minutes a week, let alone daily. I'm too picky with my usage of time.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I have very little experience with online dating, but if I was interested I would reply immediately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuestionSloth (Mar 28, 2017)

The initial message is usually ok to wait a bit to reply to, depends on how long and the persons intentions. Once there is a reply, treat it like an actual conversation. You wouldn't wait 5, 10, 30 minutes to respond to someone in real life, don't do so online, it can come off as being interested. If you really hit it off the texts should be flowing back and forth quite easily and naturally that you won't even think about how often you are replying.


If you can't have a 30 min - 1 hour convo like that, and the person is giving one line replies or takes hours/days to respond, move on.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Wow I'm not really cut out for online dating. I can't be bothered to reply to people in a timely fashion. I'm the worst texter


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## DarcyGreaves (Jun 17, 2020)

ahah, this is generally fun, but as much as you like, people are different, you don’t need to devote much time to this, do not bother


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## Steve Foster (Jun 17, 2020)

The only messages I've had on dating sites have been from bots.


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## DarcyGreaves (Jun 17, 2020)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Wow I'm not really cut out for online dating. I can't be bothered to reply to people in a timely fashion. I'm the worst texter


ahahah


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## DarcyGreaves (Jun 17, 2020)

Steve Foster said:


> The only messages I've had on dating sites have been from bots.


no: nerd:


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

The last guy I was chatting to online I would reply once in the morning and then last thing at night. Last thing at night as then I could say I have to go to bed now  We got along really really well and the date we had set up was a few days away. The anxiety began to get immense, almost I couldn't go. I had to say to him is it okay if we don't talk now until the date because of anxiety. He was alright with it  

But some bloke who messaged me and I had messaged back, then I went offline and he messaged again and I went online the next day and found his second unreplied to message kinda telling me off that he was trying to talk to me and I had just left our conversation. People don't always reply straight away I said to him.

I feel like I don't want to spend too much time chatting online as you just don't know who you are talking to. Also, it's hard when you've had a laugh with them online and then the date doesn't work out, that person is no longer there and you miss chatting with them.


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## FlowingRiver (Feb 25, 2018)

I think it depends on personal preference, how busy you are, and how many matches you're getting. In my case, I'm really busy with work, so I don't have time to message matches aside from in the evening or early morning. I explain this to matches, and they're usually understanding about it, but yes, some matches are messaging a lot of people, and don't have the patience to continue messaging for a week or two prior to going on a date. 

It sounds like you're not really up for online dating at this point, but if you decide to continue, I'd suggest telling your matches early on that you aren't able to respond very often. If you like the person, you could also ask them out via a zoom date sooner rather than later, as it's super convenient and doesn't require money or much of a time investment. I've matched with people that wanted to pretty much immediately set up a zoom date, so I don't think you need to worry about sending a bunch of messages back and forth beforehand.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Back when I was trying online dating. It was rare to get a women to respond to me. It was really hard to form good intelligent introduction type messages. A lot of girls say that unless the guy writes paragraphs she won't reply. It's really hard to even know where to begin. If Hi, how are you? Doesn't cut it, then I just don't know what to say. :stu Another big issue with online dating is filling out those profiles. I never could figure out how to do that correctly. After about 11 years of it, I just gave up. I guess some people are just meant to be alone. Because everything has gone online.


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

The Linux Guy said:


> If Hi, how are you? Doesn't cut it, then I just don't know what to say. :stu
> 
> It's interesting you say this as I kinda feel when guys message me this it's not genuine. They're just sending this to loads of women on the site. So hard to tell with online. It feels a bit more genuine when they mention something that you've written in your profile, those are the people I usually reply to.


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## jhinds (May 30, 2011)

alwaysrunning said:


> It's interesting you say this as I kinda feel when guys message me this it's not genuine. They're just sending this to loads of women on the site. So hard to tell with online. It feels a bit more genuine when they mention something that you've written in your profile, those are the people I usually reply to.


Because some men experience very low response rates to their opening messages, crafting a personalized message is seen by some as a waste of time. Better to mass message a ton a women with something quirky, then follow up with something more personalized for those who respond.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

jhinds said:


> Because some men experience very low response rates to their opening messages, crafting a personalized message is seen by some as a waste of time. Better to mass message a ton a women with something quirky, then follow up with something more personalized for those who respond.


I would like to add. There have been many times online when I wrote something deep, and just got back a one sentence response. After a couple times of that, you don't feel like putting in much effort anymore.


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

jhinds said:


> Because some men experience very low response rates to their opening messages, crafting a personalized message is seen by some as a waste of time. Better to mass message a ton a women with something quirky, then follow up with something more personalized for those who respond.


I know it's not easy for men at all. A lot of them do not even read peoples profiles so will message women they wont even be compatible with. Therefore experience even more no responses.


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