# Fear of bothering



## blueeyed (May 22, 2008)

Why do I always fear bothering people? I mean, I'm basically always afraid of annoying or bothering someone when I'm talking to them, messaging them...

Any help?


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## shyman1918 (Apr 28, 2008)

Wow, man, I actually feel the same way. Except I only feel that way while I'm working. I just started my new summer job, and I'm asking questions left and right and I feel like a green pest.

I'm not exactly sure what to do...I'm very sorry. :stu 

I will say this...you're not alone.


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## spinal97 (May 11, 2008)

I feel the exact same way. I always feel like I come across as annoying, even to people who don't know me. It's like I annoy people with my pressence. I don't know why. I used to hang around with people in highschool and always felt like a 5th wheel. I feel like if I continue to talk to people they get more and more annoyed with me. I'm not sure what to do either, I guess I'd just try to tell myself I wasn't bothering them.


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## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

I feel the same way...I always feel that I am being annoying in one way or another. Even talking on the internet, I feel like I ramble on and just annoy. Even in real life. I just don't know anymore...


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## NotThisAgain (Aug 23, 2007)

I had trouble calling friends out of fear of bothering them, actually lost contact with friends cuz of that. This doesn't happen too often anymore, something just clicked one day and i don't care if i want to call someone i just do it, if they're busy they will either let me know or they willl not pick up. Even when its on aim and the away message doesnt distinctly say that they are busy, i'll still message them and it turns out to be ok.


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## hopena (Feb 21, 2005)

I can be the same way ~ I wish I could help you out.


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## palecadude (Jan 26, 2008)

I feel the same way. Like if for some reason I have to call someone I always feel like I'd be bothering them so I usually don't.


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## CreamCheese (Jul 21, 2010)

it depends on the person, but I felt that way around my English teacher in high school. I felt like she selectively liked people. Everytime I came up to her, her face would become all serious. It was so weird because she was a humorous person and I would like to think I have a good sense of humor because people have told me that I'm funny before, but around me she was so stale. I sent her a lot of e-mails asking her to fix my grade, and I even apologized once and she said "don't worry, I love getting e-mails". At first, I thought things were set straight between us, but twice she blatantly threw irritated looks at me. I don't think she liked me at all. When I told that to people, they thought I was tripping because she was supposedly the "cool" teacher, everybody got along with her even when they had the same problems I did, but she never seemed to show her anger around them. That made me think that even the _teacher_ thinks I'm a loser. :blank


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Same here. On aim, I wait for people to IM me first because I don't want to annoy them in case they don't want to talk to me. Or risk the chance of them not responding to me. It's basically the reason why I have no friends. Same deal in real life. I just wait on others.

So if someone chooses to not talk to me for whatever reason, maybe busy or whatever, I'll never be the one to get back to them or email or message them out of the blue. Which is why all my "potential" friendships never turn into actual friendships.

The few times I did get out of my comfort zone and messaged people first, it turned out fine though. I was very nervous though while waiting for their reaction to my message. I still don't do it as often as I would like to because that possibility of being ignored or seen as clingy holds me back.


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## meevi (Jun 30, 2010)

I feel that way all the time and I still don't know how to handle it.

I know how you feel:help


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## Organism (Jul 21, 2010)

Same for me too. Even on this forum sometimes I feel a little like people are going to get annoyed with me...and this is a forum where I _know_ that almost everyone has either the same or very similar fears!


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## BreakingtheGirl (Nov 14, 2009)

Organism said:


> Same for me too. Even on this forum sometimes I feel a little like people are going to get annoyed with me...and this is a forum where I _know_ that almost everyone has either the same or very similar fears!


Couldn't have said it better.

I am pretty okay with bugging a friend etc in real life, but there is something that really messes with my mind online. I constantly worry about someone feeling bothered by me if I message them unless they explicitly say differently. Even then, the feeling stays with me. I try to flip this negative thought and look at it differently (maybe in a Byron katie fashion) but it is difficult. I actually like getting messages and rarely feel bothered at all. It is nice to have some connective feeling to people online. It is just more negative thoughts that need to die.


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## stephmae (Jul 11, 2010)

I have that same irrational fear at times. It makes it really hard to develop and maintain friendships and relationships with people. I think at the end of the day though you can sense when you are _truly_ bothering someone. And as far as friendships go, i think it's more bothersome to people when they have to be the ones to repeatedly initiate contact with you.


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## thesilenthunter90 (Mar 18, 2010)

This is my big problem. I always loose good friends because I am terrified to ring em up and see if they want to hang out, it feels like I would be bothering them or be wasting their time. In the end most people think I am not interested and we drift apart. Story of my life.

Its the exact same online aswell, in fact even more so. Its a mixture of not been comfortable to talk and feeling like I am wasting other people time.


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## SummerShine (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm like that too. I'm too scared to ask my dad to drive me to places sometimes I think I'm bothering him. haha. 

I'm sorry, I don't know what advice to give you. It all depends on the person I guess.


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## MrWorry (Sep 5, 2009)

I feel the same way. It almost an excuse i give myself so that i don't have to talk to someone.


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## Squid24 (Nov 23, 2009)

I feel like that too. When people approach me, I'm "annoyed" because they trigger my SA and I've just come to automatically assume everyone feels the same way. I know they don't, but It's hard to go against what's hardwired in your brain. Plus, maybe they don't like me and find me boring (among other irrational thoughts).


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## peaceandlove (Sep 1, 2010)

I'm always afraid people will think I'm weird. As in, "I'm afraid to go talk to that girl with green dreadlocks and facial tattoos because she might think I'm weird and she won't like me."


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## Kooky (Aug 14, 2010)

Yes, I always fear that I'm bothering people just by existing. From the way people have treated me, it’s not even an unwarranted fear. 

But people I know seem to have no problem at all when it comes to bothering me. I have an automatic response to cringe when I hear my name being called, because people are always ordering me around or complaining to me.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

I feel like this a lot of the time too. I guess that feeling is pretty normal for people with SA.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

This is one of my biggest fears, too. It doesn't always stop me from initiating contact with people, but it's still something I find myself worrying about. I hate feeling like I'm bothering or inconveniencing somebody.


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## sadeyes (Aug 22, 2010)

Could our fear of bothering really be a fear of looking bad, or looking stupid in front of others? Or being afraid of the other person's reaction or rejection of us.

When we ask for something (help or information) from someone, we may perhaps be bothering them, but the real fear (at least for me) is their reaction to what I am asking.


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

Squid24 said:


> I feel like that too. When people approach me, I'm "annoyed" because they trigger my SA and I've just come to automatically assume everyone feels the same way. I know they don't, but It's hard to go against what's hardwired in your brain. Plus, maybe they don't like me and find me boring (among other irrational thoughts).


Yeah, it's definitely hard to remember that not everyone else thinks with SA logic.

I've gotten a lot better with this. When I was a kid, I used to be too afraid to ask someone to pass the salt. Now I still feel like I'm bothering people when I ask for something, but at least I can do it.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Yeah, I feel this way also. I kinda feel like I annoy people sometimes so I try to not to do so by just not talking to them so much. I also dont want to seem clingy either so I've always avoided it all.


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## xFatalAmbience (Sep 1, 2010)

yep, i feel as if i'm a bother to people also, though i know that's not the case. I refuse to call, message or ask people if they want to hangout because i feel the timing will be wrong and i'll get rejected. I can barely show my boyfriend affection because i think it will annoy him or something. I hate when the brain plays tricks on you like that, it really sucks.


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## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

I feel like this when it comes to sitting next to someone, making noise, or interrupting. 
Sometimes I feel like I missed the chapter on interrupting when I took "human interactions 101" because I am really afraid of bothering people if I interrupt them when they're talking to another person. I have come to the conclusion that that has something to do with low self esteem and the feeling that whatever I might need can always wait.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

This is a fear I've had my entire life, way before I developed social anxiety disorder.
I have always had trouble calling people unexpectedly, because I didn't want to hear "oh sorry, can't hang out I'm busy." I would feel retarded for hours afterwards, and I still do. I haven't randomly called a friend in...years.


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## PandaRawr (Aug 18, 2010)

I don't even want to go to school tomorrow because I feel like I'm bothering everyone just by going.


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## Witchcraft (Jan 19, 2010)

Yes, I feel like people are bothered by my mere existence.


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## Katiie (Apr 19, 2010)

Feel same way, I think this is part of the reason i find it hard to develop friendships. Though lately I relized that sometimes other people are bothering me (as in 'i'm busy right now' or 'I'm really not in the mood for conversation') but it doesn't mean that i don't like them or that i don't want to be their friend, I think it's just a normal part of socializing!! Sometimes u bother people and other times they bother u, but you'll still b friends. Therefore, who cares if you bother them or not, they probably just appreciate the fact that ur interested in talking to them. Though most likely your not bothering them at all!!


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## beatlesgirl (Nov 19, 2010)

Me too. It's hard for me to text my friends because I'm always very worried about bothering them. 
Actually even on facebook, twitter, instant messaging. 

UGHH. :afr


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## ont6 (Nov 1, 2010)

some people don't want to be bothered with me so i leave them be.


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## James1 (Nov 14, 2010)

I actually have a different take on this problem. I feel like I bother people with my job search. 

For example, if I make a job application and don't hear about it's progress for a while then I hate to e-mail/call and chase up about it. I feel i'm bothering them and not being patience enough even when sometimes I have waited for over a month.

Also, I feel terrible about asking people for help while job searching. The other day I was dragged to a party and there were some people there who were high up in a company I really want to work for. When I spoke to them briefly I REALLY wanted to ask some questions about jobs in their company and advice but I just couldn't! I was terrified of asking questions which were so obviously all aimed purely at my own benefit. I just feel so weird about it. I have always hated asking for help.  

So ummm yeah.....help?


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## mayhem (Nov 22, 2010)

Just have this mentality of not giving a ****. Trust me it helps once in a while but not 24/7.


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## ambergris (Oct 15, 2010)

It's a self-esteem thing. We subconsciously believe that, if we are weird/ flawed / inadequate etc. we are not worth somebody else's valuable time and that we don't have a right to 'demand' it from them.


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## nss08 (Dec 30, 2010)

hey even i had such an experience! one of our class teachers used to act all coll around other kids but was always very curt with me! 5 years down the line my frnds still think im weird bcos i dnt like her! obviously i wont!


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## LOUDontheINSIDE (Jul 20, 2011)

*advice on calling or messaging people*



Organism said:


> Same for me too. Even on this forum sometimes I feel a little like people are going to get annoyed with me...and this is a forum where I _know_ that almost everyone has either the same or very similar fears!


I thought I was the only one who got nervous even when posting on _this_ forum. But yeah I feel the same way. I usually don't text people, but when I do it's a challenge. I have to read over the text a thousand times and make sure it all makes sense, and is something the person might want to hear, and I have to go through all the circumstances of why I shouldn't text them and see if the risk is worth it. One time I texted my friend and she said she was visiting her grandma. I felt so bad for texting her while she was supposed to be spending time with her grandma, and felt like she would be mad at me and hate me forever (of course I knew this was an over-statement, but that's how I felt). She kept talking with me though, so I guess she was ok with it. When I first got my facebook account I was always nervous about posting what I really wanted to post, but I just started posting stuff, and it turns out people really like what I post and think I'm funny. So, I have kind of overcome that fear.

My advice would be, in the instance of calling or messaging people, to write what you want to say, go over it and make sure you feel confident in what you've said, take a deep breath, close your eyes, hold your finger over the send button, and try to make yourself impulsively hit the send button, and when you find that you are actually not bothering people, it will become easier, possibly even when it comes to talking with people in person. It's not ground-breaking advice and it sounds pretty stupid, but it has helped me.

And now I feel like I'm bothering people for writing such a long reply, oh well, maybe someone will find it helpful. submit.


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## Ultima (Jul 12, 2011)

I feel the same way. But I generally stopped caring if Im annoying other people, its not like they can harm me.


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## Fantas Eyes (Mar 23, 2011)

It's the reason why I never take the initiative to hang out with people, ask people for things, go sit by people...


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## Karuni (Jun 26, 2011)

I totally feel like this too. 
I don't want to bother/annoy people so I hesitate asking for help/questions sometimes like at work. I also avoid just simple conversation.
But I also don't want to seem anti-social so I do try to talk. Often times though I feel like I'm just spouting one-liners, and they're thinking "Okay, just stop already."

It's also a problem when working with customers. My brain forgets a lot so I tend to forget what kind of pop people want to drink (the cash register just rings up the size of the drink). I feel like I'm going to get exploded on whenever I have to ask, "What was your drink again? I'm really sorry..." 
(and it has actually happened where a guy got very obviously annoyed by me asking only once after I rung up his order... I wanted to die inside that day)


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## TheLostCube (Jun 29, 2011)

I feel the same way. I am always afraid of being annoying or bothersome to people. I try and "read" their faces to see if they look annoyed or not by me.


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## nroth (Jul 21, 2011)

Ah I get this same feeling! Then I think about all the times at work when some random guy comes over to my desk while I'm studying and starts chatting like crazy when I have work to do. I often worry I'm coming off like that but the fact that I worry about it happening probably lessens the chances of it happening


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## odicepaul (Jul 20, 2009)

I have the same feelings, I've also learned that fear is a fear we create in our own minds. The problem is if our own minds have created this fear, how is it possible to use our own minds to get rid of this type of fear? (I'm confused now)


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

Yes I often think this... if I feel like i am, then I ask them to tell me when I do or I apologise...


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## shadow cougar (Apr 18, 2011)

Yep, I feel the same.

It's like whenever I'm about to speak or approach someone at work to ask a question or ask for help the first thoughts going through my mind, especially when I can see that their attention is directed elsewhere, is that I'll simply be bothering them with something so I seem to end up staying silent, not doing anything and waiting for people to respond to me. I end up standing next to people and waiting for them to acknowledge me as my cue that it's ok to speak now.


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## roxyruby (Apr 20, 2008)

There are way more important things than others being annoyed or bothered. And people being annoyed or bothered really isn't thattt important. 

Getting your needs met, your wellbeing, being friendly with people, and standing up for yourself is much more important!!!

~Health, Strength, Peace, & Wellbeing


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## Peanutbutter Toast (Jul 20, 2011)

Even if I want to help someone, I feel like I'd be bothering them just by offering my help. It's like I'm burdening them just by being around them, and no matter how much assistance I might provide I'd never be able to cancel out the burden I'm causing just by being there.

That's the biggest obstacle I face in trying to join a volunteer group. I want to help people and meet new people that also like helping people, but I feel like if I offer to volunteer my time they'll look at me and say "We don't want any help from the likes of _you_!"


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## talkswithkeyboard (Dec 28, 2010)

Other people are usually the ones bothering me.

The only time I feel like I'm bothering someone is when I go up to a help desk or reception counter. If I just stand there, I'm scared the receptionist would say, "Why are you just standing there? Can I help you?" On the other hand, if I start talking, I'm scared they'll say, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

It sucks being scared of people.


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## LOUDontheINSIDE (Jul 20, 2011)

Peanutbutter Toast said:


> Even if I want to help someone, I feel like I'd be bothering them just by offering my help. It's like I'm burdening them just by being around them, and no matter how much assistance I might provide I'd never be able to cancel out the burden I'm causing just by being there.
> 
> That's the biggest obstacle I face in trying to join a volunteer group. I want to help people and meet new people that also like helping people, but I feel like if I offer to volunteer my time they'll look at me and say "We don't want any help from the likes of _you_!"


I feel the same way. I am a really caring person and want to help people, but can't. At school I would always see people crying in the hall and even though I knew nothing about them I would want to try and comfort them, but didn't want them to think I was a creep. I couldn't even help someone pick up there books if they dropped them. People must have thought I was a real jerk. I want to do community service and help out more at my church, but can't even bring myself to volunteer for fear of being rejected.


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## StarlightSonic (Jul 12, 2011)

I have the same problem. I always feel ilike I'm a burden to people just by existing. It's one of the the reasons I go out of my way to avoid people.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

Have the same problem. 

It's especially awkward for me if they don't reply back...yikes.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Meh I feel this way basically every single day. I take ages to respond to people when I feel their messages to me are vague, as if they didn't even want to respond to me to begin with.


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## shaken (Aug 28, 2011)

Ah I get this constantly! I try to tell myself I'm just being polite by not wanting to 'bother' people but I know that it's really just me being neurotic and acting out of fear. Maybe it's a fear of rejection? Or maybe we've all let somebody tell us we're not important enough to talk to other people or initiate a conversation. Either way, it's really hard to fight it... 

At least you know you're not alone


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## Later (May 5, 2011)

I just refused to go over my BF's house for the weekend because his brother is visiting him after 1 year and don't wanna "be in the way"


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

I didn't talk to someone for 2 days because their msgs were quite vague so I got the impression they wanted me to leave them alone for a bit (they were going through a rough time). They got worried as hell and concerned asking why the hell I didn't talk to them for 2 days. Made me wonder again if I really am an annoyance, or maybe I'm not? Depends on how each person takes it I guess.


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## Tugwahquah (Apr 13, 2011)

Yes...I don't like to bother anyone, and I do have a fear of rejection also.


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## randomprecision (Aug 19, 2011)

same here. i really don't want to affect anybody in any way. i find it disturbing because it has to be a sign of really low self-esteem


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## kamrynsays (Mar 4, 2011)

You know how some people in school or something have so many friends? Because they're pushy and charismatic in their dealings. They push themselves into certain relationships with people, sometimes in a 'rude' way. But it works. It proves that they are confident and k ow what they want in life.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Classic sign of social anxiety. 

I assume I'm a complete bother just existing, for everyone and end up doing things like starving rather than requesting food from them, including when they've told me to ask them.

I feel such a bother I don't assert in the subtlest ways such as saying more than 1-2 lines in IM at a time with someone who's extremely close.


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## ChiefHuggingBear (Sep 10, 2011)

blueeyed said:


> Why do I always fear bothering people? I mean, I'm basically always afraid of annoying or bothering someone when I'm talking to them, messaging them...
> 
> Any help?


Maybe it's because your respectful, I don't see anything wrong with it.


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## LadyDarkness (Jun 5, 2011)

blueeyed said:


> Why do I always fear bothering people? I mean, I'm basically always afraid of annoying or bothering someone when I'm talking to them, messaging them...
> 
> Any help?


I feel the same way and that's why I hesitate to say much, unless someone talks to me first.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Yep I do the exact same thing. Even if i tell the person 'Im afraid to talk in case I am bothering you, or you dont really want to talk to me all that much and are tolerating me' and they reply that its not the case, I still feel Im bothering them, or have ruined the conversation by even telling them that. If Im feeling low, I wont talk to anybody for fear that my negative mood will bring them down, and they will try to be nice/or ignore me. Not sure which is worse.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

This is a recent thing for me with a certain person but I do get it a bit in general.

I'll say things like "I hope it's ok to say hey?" or something like that. But not that exactly ... this is with messaging.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

I feel like this every time I start talking to someone, or when I'm the one trying to keep the conversation going. That's one of the reasons it's so hard... it's especially hard when the other person doesn't talk much. Even here on the forum I get this feeling everytime I pm someone. Constant need for approval, I guess... but I try not to show it.


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## Kayanne (Sep 2, 2011)

I get this a lot. It's the reason I lost contact with almost all my friends after I finished high school. I was convinced that they wouldnt really want to see me and that if i asked i would just be bothering them. 

I think sometimes I worry too much about other peoples feelings. I know that it's a good thing to think and care about others feelings, but maybe I go overboard. I worry so much about making other people uncomfortable or upsetting them that i'm constantly analyzing everything i say and do. 

But really, I think the solution to many of my problems would just be to think less.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Kayanne said:


> But really, I think the solution to many of my problems would just be to think less.


Yeah I'm with you on that. Over-thinking is a problem.


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## pheonixrising (Sep 7, 2011)

I have this same problem. My friends always tell me I can _always_ call them or text them, whatever. But I never know what they're doing at that time when I need them. I don't wanna bug them with my petty issues. I feel like if their doing somethin important they either feel obligated to stop and listen to me, which makes me feel like they'll be annoyed, or they'll blow me off and make me feel unwanted. So I never do, and then they bark at me when I tell them after the fact. lol I can't win.


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## Veritastar (Aug 16, 2011)

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad people can relate to this. I ALWAYS feel this way.


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## Aly (Nov 30, 2010)

I know what you mean. That's the whole reason of why I never approach people first.


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## anyones ghost (Jul 15, 2011)

Ugh, that feeling is all too familiar to me. 

It's one of the reasons why I can't keep close friends, or any friends at all, for that matter. Whenever I think of calling or texting someone to catch up or hang out, I wuss out because I think they find me annoying or boring to hang out with. Not surprisingly, because of that I end up having no friends. When I actually do have opportunities to get to know people, I close myself off in fear of rejection.

Isn't social anxiety just great?


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## poepoe (Aug 23, 2011)

anyones ghost said:


> Ugh, that feeling is all too familiar to me.
> 
> It's one of the reasons why I can't keep close friends, or any friends at all, for that matter. Whenever I think of calling or texting someone to catch up or hang out, I wuss out because I think they find me annoying or boring to hang out with. Not surprisingly, because of that I end up having no friends. When I actually do have opportunities to get to know people, I close myself off in fear of rejection.
> 
> Isn't social anxiety just great?


:sigh couldn't have said it better myself.


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## suddentwist (Sep 27, 2011)

River In The Mountain said:


> Yep I do the exact same thing. Even if i tell the person 'Im afraid to talk in case I am bothering you, or you dont really want to talk to me all that much and are tolerating me' and they reply that its not the case, I still feel Im bothering them, or have ruined the conversation by even telling them that. If Im feeling low, I wont talk to anybody for fear that my negative mood will bring them down, and they will try to be nice/or ignore me. Not sure which is worse.


Exactly that.


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## Owl Eyes (May 23, 2011)

I think everyone with SA feels the same way. Try to find nice people who don't stare into space when you're talking them and ignore what you say. My one "friend" always does that, I don't know why she even calls me.


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## sweetD (Sep 6, 2011)

I'm overly-apologetic, because of the fear of bothering. To the point that it annoys people. I'm constantly saying sorry.


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## iwbic80 (Apr 4, 2012)

*Just Listen to this Mantra*

Hello All,

I am new to this site. Even I have same problem. I feel afraid to express my right opinion to others and making alot of mistakes in work due to fear and anxiety. This demotivate me down. I searched google and i cam across this Mantra. Whenever you feel fear, anxiety or depressed, then listen to this mantra. It is very effective. Just listen for everyday.


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## Shadow2009 (Sep 25, 2010)

STORY OF MY LIFE.

It's crippling me. There's so many people I want to talk to and develop friendships with (on here, in real life, other forums, Facebook, whatever) and yet I can't get over that hurdle of messaging them. I usually always message them for the first time, and then they'll reply back, and then i'll think "okay, i'll just leave it now 'cos I don't wanna bother them" and then there's a potential friendship ruined because of me being paranoid. :/ 

Lately though i've been branching out and trying to make more of an effort with people. I'm alright with befriending people and leaving comments, but stuff like I.M is killing me. I will NOT speak unless i've been spoken to first.  And I hate making conversation incase the other person is thinking "omg shut up". 

So if anyone is reading this and wants to talk, SERIOUSLY just add me and talk  'cos I do really wanna talk to people and I won't get annoyed if you wanna message me


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Been feeling this way a whole lot this past day or 2. Makes me so nervous when someone takes forever to get back to me (by forever, I mean a day even)..or they send a fairly short reply than usual, which is actually the case as of today.

Seems like the person doesn't want anything to do with me even though they asked me days ago if I was still alive when I didn't respond to them for 2 days (cuz I was really busy).

*sighs* I feel like I'm so self-centered a lot of times. I'm always thinking about myself, where I want to be, what I want, etc., and I can never live in the present...


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

I have been that way as long as I can remember, it became a part of my personality. 
Bothering people would mean them hating me, if only I knew that didnt help they are going to hate me anyway.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

The real problem with this at least for me is I isolate myself then
I try to get over it and call or message somone
Then I overdo it (maybe becuase of bipoler?) And I really do annoy them
Maybe not enough for them to call it a day but that's always what I think.
Its such a fine line how do others manage it?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

I keep avoid posting in this thread because I feel all I have to give in reply is a 'yes, I do.' But there it is. *relief*


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## twentynine (Mar 9, 2012)

I always feel this way! I try and try and try but that fear is always there... Usually people say i don't like talking to them because i never send them messages or anything, but it's the opposite: i'm just afraid of being annoying and them hating me *sighs* no wonder i loose all my friends in short periods of time.


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

I feel the same way. Even when they tell me its okay I figure they are just being nice. It doesn't make sense but that's the way it is for me I guess....


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

I got over this fear yesterday + asked someone to hang out. They agreed to, but it looked as if they didn't want to be there. Once they were about to leave 2 hrs later or so, they were so quick to leave as if they were anticipating it...

Guess my fear of bothering has been valid after all...


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

JenN2791 said:


> I got over this fear yesterday + asked someone to hang out. They agreed to, but it looked as if they didn't want to be there. Once they were about to leave 2 hrs later or so, they were so quick to leave as if they were anticipating it...
> 
> Guess my fear of bothering has been valid after all...


Awww :squeeze that stinks... It was there loss though, just remember that.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Yeah, mostly because I think they probably don't like me. That's why I've always had difficulty asking for help. Even with good friends. I guess it's a defense mechanism.



sweetD said:


> I'm overly-apologetic, because of the fear of bothering. To the point that it annoys people. I'm constantly saying sorry.


^ This hits home. Though I've managed to spin it around and people think I'm joking when I say sorry.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

I never talk to people because of that very reason.
I try to never ask anyone favors, and if I do I regret it immediately and feel guilty for days.
Including family, I never ask anybody anything or talk about myself or my problems to anybody. Which makes me even more invisible and unexistant. It sucks to be me.


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## munchkin1 (Aug 28, 2012)

I feel exactly the same,it doesnt help when the person says something to make you feel worse though. Sometimes i feel it easier to just not talk, but then people think your being anti social, we just cant win can we:|


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## chrys04 (Jul 30, 2012)

this is a big challenge for me too. i am constantly second guessing whether or not i'm bothering someone. in the office i go back and forth down the hallway changing my mind about going in to see someone. on the phone i dial to almost the last digit and talk myself out of it. and like someone posted waay back, anticipating a response email or returned message can be torture. i really hate it. and alot of it depends on their early reaction, if they're in a bad mood, i've talked myself out of approaching them for the next 30 days. (ok i exaggerate a bit) this touch and go is not a good way to live.


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## KYJE (Aug 11, 2012)

I've always felt as though I bother people. Even when they're adamant that I'm not being a burden or an annoyance, I can't help but think that they'd rather be doing something else--anything else--than talking with me.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

I know that feel  I'd imagine most of us do thanks to SA. Insecurities coming out.


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## hotrod280 (Jul 24, 2011)

Yeah I feel that way too that is the biggest reason why I dont initiate conversations often. If I get a few one word answers then i definitely assume im bothering them. I guess I look for length of response when im talking to someone to gauge how interested they are.


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## Filo (Sep 6, 2012)

I was listening to Adam Carolla talking about relative’s death and how he hates to have to tell it to people because he’s afraid of putting them in the situation where they don’t really care but must pretend that it saddens them. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone with these feelings, so I search the internet and found this forum.

I’m always really afraid to bother people to the point that I really don’t want to get married because I’m uncomfortable at the idea of inviting people, and that some of them might accept to come without really wanting to, just because they would be afraid of hurting my feelings if they didn’t come.

Is that really low self-esteem or social anxiety? (or both…)


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## solagratia (Aug 25, 2012)

feel that a lot...it would take a tremendous amount of trust for me to get past that feeling...


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## sleepy167 (Jan 4, 2013)

I just got into another fight with boyfriend over my fear in bothering him. I have this fear that I am bothering people if I call them, hang out, vent, etc and it doesn't matter if it's family, friends, strangers. I had this fear since I was a kid and it got to the point where I just don't bother reaching out to people. But after recent fight w/boyfriend I googled and found this thread. I am so glad I am not the only one


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

I hate being a nuisance. I'd rather be alone than bother someone. I just can't help but feel I'm always a bother.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I feel the same with this "one group" of friends from back in high school, which is true as whenever I open up to them, or get them to open up, they feel annoyed. Ironically, when they found out something big with me that I have never open up to them about, they feel upset and jealous.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

yeah i have that


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## Than89 (Jan 23, 2013)

I can totally relate. Something that helps me is to remember that if someone else started talking to you, you wouldn't be annoyed and think they're bothering you, so why wouldn't they feel the same way about you talking to them?


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## cosmicslop (Nov 24, 2012)

A vast majority of people feel that way and share this certain anxiety even among socially well adjusted people. Now isn't that funny.


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## Conniemura (Feb 7, 2014)

Hello, OP. I feel exactly the same way.

You see, I'm participating in a training to become mason or carpenter (lame, I know) and I really enjoy talking to my masonry teacher and one of my carpentry teachers. I've let one of the four teachers I have that I have self-confidence problems and that I sometimes need reassurance. I have to ask either "am I bothering you?"/"am I doing good so far?".

Upcoming Sunday is an event at my school where my teachers will also be there, and I'm taking my girlfriend along who wants to meet them. She knows I have social anxiety traits and I've told her that they handle that very well.

I've told my masonry teacher, but I don't know whether he's uncomfortable with me doing this or not. I can't tell! I really hope I'm not bothering him, he's really nice.


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## bababaubles123 (Feb 7, 2014)

This is me. I am constantly worried that I'm bothering someone or interrupting or intruding or just generally wasting their time. Even with people that are supposed to be there to help you like cashiers, flight attendants, professors, and receptionists. 

I hate it because this is why I don't meet people


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## bababaubles123 (Feb 7, 2014)

Actually I'm having this problem when it comes to my roommate. I think that she thinks that I hate her because I never ask her to hang out or just talk to her very much at all. But that's because I always think that she wants nothing to do with me and hates living with me. Also I don't reach out to her because she always seems so busy with work and her boyfriend. I have another friend that works a lot too. But she just got mono and now has to stay at home and for some reason hanging out with her doesn't feel like as much of a big deal. But of course I'm always worried that I'll get to her place and it'll be awkward and that it'll have been a waste of time. So I don't end up going.

I'm always putting other people's needs before my own too. I noticed that I always make myself available to people by moving my schedule around but that they never do that for me. I have to stop being so accommodating. Maybe it's because I'm so desperate for a friend that I'm willing to shift everything to hang out if somebody asks.


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## ZADY (Nov 11, 2013)

Same here..


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## Random Human (Jul 17, 2014)

Warning: unfiltered thoughts below that I need to get off my chest.

This is exactly how I feel. I have pretty much isolated myself because of this feeling. I believe it stems from years people flaking out on plans and me taking it too personally. I understand that people are going to flake, but it seems to be getting worse as I get older, and it hurts. Everytime someone flakes I retreat further into isolation and it only strengthens my feelings that I have annoyed them in some way. The worst part is I too can flake on people too and I feel like such a hypocrite for feeling this way, but I can't help it. 
I have checked out. I surround myself with entertainment to keep my mind off of the pain of being rejected. It keeps the dopamine flowing.


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## Ishkoten (Jul 7, 2017)

I feel like this all the time. I'm afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like I will bother them. It started during 2008 when I was playing a game called World of Warcraft. I said hello when someone in my friend list come on everyday until one day someone got annoyed and said "What do you want." after that I started to stop doing that over the time I started to think I may bother them so I started to not talk to people because of fearing I will bother them. People started to remove me from Facebook since I don't talk to them but I'm afraid to talk to them since what if they are busy or don't feel like talking so I can never talk to them. That's how I am now with fear of bothering.


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