# Is being an introvert/homebody ruining your life?



## starguitar (Oct 20, 2013)

I love being home. I travel every week for work, and literally cannot wait until I get home. Home is just so comfortable. I can easily spend the whole weekend in my apartment, venturing out only for errands and going to the gym. I've been this way for years now. Throughout my twenties, I hated being home....I always wanted to go out. My parents were and are extreme homebodies and I didn't want to be like them....yet in the end I've turned into them. I fear that it's my age, and that my energy levels have dropped significantly after I turned 30. I am also introverted and my tendencies and have grown worse over time.

The effects on my social life are devastating. I turn down invitations to go out all the time. I hate going to bars (even though I used to go to bars and clubs all through college). I am a single gay male. A lot of my friends (all straight) are now married and/or have children. I am alone and feel compelled to make new friends. But I can't overcome my homebody/introverted tendencies. I know what I have to do to make friends, but that requires going out and a lot of effort. Can anyone relate to this? How have you overcome this? In college I was so much more outgoing and friends were made easily....now I'm completely lost.


----------



## Nads (Jan 2, 2013)

Yeah it definitely comes with age. I used to go to shows and bars with friends all the time in my 20s. Now I'm in my 30s and all I want to do is chill at home or at a friend's place. I usually go to social gatherings when invited although lately I have been experimenting by declining invites and just hanging out at home doing my own thing. I would feel guilty usually the day of the event and regret not going. It's the worse feeling in the world. So my best advice is to try to go to anything you're invited to get back into the social scene. Then find yourself a boyfriend. You both can hang out at home. Problem solved. Most people become isolated introverts anyway when they settle down and have families.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

it's ruining mine. I go to concerts on a selective basis; I go to other events as the seasons permit-- I'm not into snowy/cold weather, so outside stuff during winter doesn't do anything for me anymore.
I want to do some group events, and I want a girlfriend.


----------



## soulstorm (Jan 5, 2012)

*I'm the exact same way*

Work just drains me. I used to have more energy. I can feel time sucking it away like a leech. All my desire and dreams, circling the drain as the clock ticks. I still think about the love of my life who I haven't seen in years. Honestly I have a lot to be proud of and my childhood wasn't so bad. But I'm afraid I'm facing a lifetime of relative solitude. It's just too late for major changes :um


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I never had a life to ruin so no.


----------



## starguitar (Oct 20, 2013)

Nads said:


> Yeah it definitely comes with age. I used to go to shows and bars with friends all the time in my 20s. Now I'm in my 30s and all I want to do is chill at home or at a friend's place. I usually go to social gatherings when invited although lately I have been experimenting by declining invites and just hanging out at home doing my own thing. I would feel guilty usually the day of the event and regret not going. It's the worse feeling in the world. So my best advice is to try to go to anything you're invited to get back into the social scene. Then find yourself a boyfriend. You both can hang out at home. Problem solved. Most people become isolated introverts anyway when they settle down and have families.


Thanks for the advice...I know I have to get out of my comfort zone. As an introvert, I don't even really desire to socialize, so that's the biggest hurdle I have to deal with. I'm extremely good at coming up with excuses to get out of social obligations...ugh.



hypestyle said:


> it's ruining mine. I go to concerts on a selective basis; I go to other events as the seasons permit-- I'm not into snowy/cold weather, so outside stuff during winter doesn't do anything for me anymore.
> I want to do some group events, and I want a girlfriend.


I think meetup.com might work for us. Check it out. I used to go to events in the past and did end up meeting people, though it definitely has its drawbacks (schedule conflicts, infrequent meetings, etc.). I also want to join a running group and a soccer league - but my workout and travel schedule makes that very difficult (4-5 days in the gym + running/soccer + weekly travel is a bit much for an older dude like me.) One other option for me, is that there a "painting lounge" in my area where people get to paint with other people...I always wanted to get back into painting, so I'm definitely going to try this.



soulstorm said:


> Work just drains me. I used to have more energy. I can feel time sucking it away like a leech. All my desire and dreams, circling the drain as the clock ticks. I still think about the love of my life who I haven't seen in years. Honestly I have a lot to be proud of and my childhood wasn't so bad. But I'm afraid I'm facing a lifetime of relative solitude. It's just too late for major changes :um


I totally relate to you (except having been in love). Yeah, my life isn't so bad either to be honest...I really think I'm just in my own way of finding happiness, if you know what I mean. But in a way, it is who I am, and that is nearly impossible to change. I wish I could just take a pill, and become this outgoing and confident person. Those people seem to be happy and easily find friends and relationships.



WillYouStopDave said:


> I never had a life to ruin so no.


Well...I never had much of a life either. I've had ups and downs, but mostly downs. The potential was and is there, I just ruin my own chances.


----------



## 49erJT (Oct 18, 2010)

starguitar said:


> The effects on my social life are devastating. I turn down invitations to go out all the time. I hate going to bars (even though I used to go to bars and clubs all through college). I am a single gay male. A lot of my friends (all straight) are now married and/or have children. I am alone and feel compelled to make new friends. But I can't overcome my homebody/introverted tendencies. I know what I have to do to make friends, but that requires going out and a lot of effort. Can anyone relate to this? How have you overcome this? In college I was so much more outgoing and friends were made easily....now I'm completely lost.


 As far as the feeling lonely part well that can be changed by meeting more people and getting more involved in social groups or taking a class in something you're interested in-a very easy way to meet new people.

Now to the homebody part....I see nothing wrong with it. It's just part of who you are and how you like to spend your time. I'm the same way. After working I like to come home and spend time with my wife, but sometimes she works on my off days and vice versa so I have a lot of time to just do what I want by myself and it's great.


----------



## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

No - I'm an introverted loner and don't care much about making friends. Even if I did want to I'm far too screwed up for that sort of thing. I belong at home.


----------



## krobar (Nov 23, 2013)

*yes*

:afr


----------



## latin_maverick (May 15, 2007)

I belong at home too. I also found that whenever I go out I end up drinking and that's not good for my health.


----------



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

I guess I'm a homebody, but I'm not happy about it. I feel like some eternal troubled and lonely teenager, alone in my room on the internet night after night for 10+ years. It's gotten worse if anything, less opportunities to find new people and do things even if I wanted to and felt I could cope better. That's my life though.


----------



## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

soulstorm said:


> Work just drains me. I used to have more energy. I can feel time sucking it away like a leech. All my desire and dreams, circling the drain as the clock ticks. I still think about the love of my life who I haven't seen in years. Honestly I have a lot to be proud of and my childhood wasn't so bad. But I'm afraid I'm facing a lifetime of relative solitude. It's just too late for major changes :um


I can relate to all of it except for the last sentence, because I have to make a change before it really is too late. I'm not a homebody by choice, but by default. I had friends...they just disappeared over time. I can't get past my ex-fiancee because I can't meet anyone new who could fill her spot in my heart. Believe me, I'm trying.


----------



## Quatermass (Oct 6, 2013)

I don't really want to be a homebody, but I suppose I am anyway. I'd really like to do more things outside of my apartment, but I never have anyone to do things with. When I was in high school I went to many parties and stuff, but nowadays I have no friends left. I tried going out alone for a while, but that was just depressing. I still try to get out and do some things though.


----------



## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

I do like being a homebody. I go out once in a while.


----------



## howard26 (Jun 28, 2008)

I never saw it as a problem. It has kept me out of trouble. I've always loved being home, and it confuses people. Staying in on weekends and getting out for errands is a common thing for me, and i like it. I can see myself going on daytime dates like hiking or museums, but night life doesn't interest me, unless i'm listening to crickets and frogs while staring at the stars.


----------



## Captain Adventure (Feb 19, 2014)

" I am alone and feel compelled to make new friends. But I can't overcome my homebody/introverted tendencies."

The moment you accept who you are (the new you), is the moment you will become happy. From what I"m reading it seems like you're a man in transition and you're fighting it. Why? Do what truly makes you happy. Anything else will make you unhappy.


----------



## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

YES!


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

No, I like it.


----------



## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> No, I like it.


I see nothing to like when you have no freedom, are surrounded by extroverts in an pro-extrovert society.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

SmokeGem said:


> I see nothing to like when you have no freedom, are surrounded by extroverts in an pro-extrovert society.


I have the freedom to go out whenever I want; I just choose not to.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Yes, my life almost went in a different direction years ago. I feel like I'm stuck here, remote.


----------



## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

No. I prefer it.


----------



## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Not to be critical, but if you have been introverted/isolated for as long as some of the people on this site, I find it hard to believe that anyone would genuinely want to be stuck at home...

As far as I know, introverted people tend to WANT to kinda not be bothered by nature... the problem I think most people on this site have is that they are not truly introverts but were forced out of fear/anxiety/stress to not want to deal with going out and it becomes a vicious cycle... the toughest meanest people out there still have a need to be liked on some level....

With me, basically best friend is gone, he found new friends... without friends, hard to go out alone... you just look or feel pathetic... then actually "trying to meet friends" seems artificial or phony.... seems forced....it is like I am supposed to already have them by now... I imagine if I tried to actively make a new friend, many would worry that I am gay and have their guard up...

Lately, been trying online dating, met a great girl who basically cut me off without explanation and destroyed me inside... other girls I met were all underwhelming to say the least....


----------

