# Dorms...



## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

I don't really post with this account--I mostly just lurk, everyday--but I needed to post this here so that I could get some responses from those who can truly relate.

I'm a first-year student at U of T, and I'm living in the dorms. I just feel so shell-shocked at the moment (I only moved in Sunday), and I've pretty much confined myself to my room... 

Luckily I have a single-room, but I just can't make myself leave to use the washroom! This is where most of my anxiety is focused, currently. It seems like there's always someone else in there, and everyone here is so close. I really am the odd-one-out. 

A lot of people just leave their doors open, and wander around to each other's rooms, laughing and talking loudly. I feel so on edge all the time. 

Surely someone else here is going through/has gone through the same thing? :sigh


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## Guitar_Guy44 (Feb 13, 2007)

im not in college but isn't there at least 1 shower with a curtain, theres 1 in my hs


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Yep, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same situation a few years ago. I was amazed at how everyone easily just started hanging out together right away, while I hid in my room like a weirdo. I also hated using the washrooms, but I got used to it. I don't really have much advice, because I unfortunately never really got used to it.

If you want, you could try leaving your door open sometime. I know that sounds out of the question, but someone is bound to come and introduce themselves to you, and it would be a good way to get to know people and get more comfortable with them. 

Trust me, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to do something like that.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Living in a dorm too. Yeah, its feels uncomfortable when people are walking around and talking with each other when you're shut up in your room (putting on headphones can help with that).

I agree, leaving the door open is a good tactic. It also helps if you have food out, like a bowl of M&M's or something.


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## LNahid2000 (May 23, 2007)

Yeah, I felt uncomfortable living in the dorms as well. And it's hard to leave your door open when there's 30 different people walking by. I'm loving apartment style living a lot more this year though. I can leave my door open and do because there are only 4 other people in my suite. And the one guy who I really get along with is always popping in my room and me popping into his. I wish I had selected apartment style first year.


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## katelyn (Jul 11, 2006)

Yes, I have been in this situation too. At first I was in a room without its own bathroom, but I hated sharing that so I quickly moved to a room with a bathroom.

I totally relate to the thing about people leaving their doors open and wandering into each other's rooms. I found that quickly happened, and everyone got to know each other. I didn't open my door because I don't like people interrupting me when I'm busy, but then I became totally left out of everything. There were 8 people in my flat but they were so sociable and loud.

That was in first year. Fortunately, we can choose "quiet area" which is basically a building full of quiet people who normally stay in their rooms with their doors closed and are more like me. I found that a lot better because I could interact people more on my own terms.

Assuming that you must stay where you are, I think it's probably a good idea to try leaving the door open sometimes, too. It will get better, though, I mean, at first I hardly ate anything for a week because I was too afraid to go into the kitchen. But when I finally left, I was using the kitchen normally without fear.


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## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

*Guitar_Guy44*-- actually, the convenient thing about the showers is they have a locked booth attached to the curtained off shower...so, the showers are fine, really. I just hate having to wash my face in the evenings with people coming in and doing their thang, and then leaving. :afr



njodis said:


> ...I was amazed at how everyone easily just started hanging out together right away, while I hid in my room like a weirdo. I also hated using the washrooms, but I got used to it. I don't really have much advice, because I unfortunately never really got used to it.
> 
> If you want, you could try leaving your door open sometime.
> 
> Trust me, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to do something like that.


I guess part of it has to do with the fact that most of them are upperclassmen and the freshmen on my floor mostly all went to frosh week...and I didn't. But, I also tend to have a problem with getting used to new situations. It seems when it's something like this, or it involves lots of other people, I never really grow accustomed to it.

and to *Katelyn*, *LNahid2000*, and *SilentLoner*, thanks for the advice and everything  I know it's irrational of me to think like this, but even if I know that other people out there are going through/understand what I'm going through, I just can't make myself believe it until I've heard other's testimony to that.

The door thing is a good idea, however, I'm not even that interested in befriending the people on my floor...they're nice and all, but I can just tell from eavesdropping in on their conversations (I guess I'm weird like that) and overhearing the one's that I can't _help_ but hear because they're so loud, they're not really the kind of people I'd get along with comfortably. Which is okay, I just wish I could go about my business inconspicuously and not always stand at my peephole waiting for the hallways to clear out.


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## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

katelyn said:


> It will get better, though, I mean, at first I hardly ate anything for a week because I was too afraid to go into the kitchen. But when I finally left, I was using the kitchen normally without fear.


Oh right, and there's another thing you brought up, I just haven't been eating. I'm pretty much starving myself because I don't know how to get into the servery! I hate walking around looking like a lost idiot, too, so unless I force myself to ask someone sometime soon, I'm going to have to rely on the little cafe next door.


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## Johnny1234 (Nov 16, 2006)

SilentLoner said:


> Living in a dorm too. Yeah, its feels uncomfortable when people are walking around and talking with each other when you're shut up in your room (putting on headphones can help with that).
> 
> I agree, leaving the door open is a good tactic. It also helps if you have food out, like a bowl of M&M's or something.


Leave a bowl of M&M's out? LOL you made them sound like dogs haha.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Johnny1234 said:


> SilentLoner said:
> 
> 
> > Living in a dorm too. Yeah, its feels uncomfortable when people are walking around and talking with each other when you're shut up in your room (putting on headphones can help with that).
> ...


It apparently works for both :b


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

Dovetailing said:


> I just wish I could go about my business inconspicuously and not always stand at my peephole waiting for the hallways to clear out.


Haha, I did that exact same thing. I don't know where I would have been without that little peephole.

You've only been there for a few days so hopefully things will get easier over time. To be honest I was never completely comfortable walking around dorms. I wish I could say it got easier but it didn't really. Thankfully I had a shower in my room but I used to avoid the kitchen a lot if there was somebody else in there. I ended up doing everything at really unsociable hours in order to avoid people. But I managed to survive somehow. You will too.


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## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

whiterabbit said:


> Dovetailing said:
> 
> 
> > I just wish I could go about my business inconspicuously and not always stand at my peephole waiting for the hallways to clear out.
> ...


Hah! It's getting really unhealthy... I jump up out of my rocking chair to my peephole now everytime I hear voices approaching my door. There's this guy across the hallway I like to make sure is always gone when I leave my room. He tends to watch me, and then I fumble with my keys even more and just make a general fool out of myself.

Thanks for replying, though. I don't think I'll ever get completely used to this, but hopefully it won't be as bad in about a month's time. ops


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Damage control! Damage control! 
If you simply wait for things to get better, they will only get worse. These people are all desperate to chat and make friends now, but if you wait a month, they'll be in cliques and you'll be the odd one out.
You need to reach out: If people are hanging in the hallway- join them. Knock on your neighbours' doors (including across the hall and two/three doors down), introduce yourself, borrow things, ask for help, hang out in the common areas, use the kitchen or invite yourself along for meals. Ask people where they're from and what they're studying. Leaving your door open doesn't guarantee anything. 
If this too much to handle, join your school's anxiety group or see a psychologist. 
I wish somebody had given me this advice when I lived in a dorm.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

jane said:


> I wish somebody had given me this advice when I lived in a dorm.


 :ditto


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## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

jane said:


> Damage control! Damage control!
> If you simply wait for things to get better, they will only get worse. These people are all desperate to chat and make friends now, but if you wait a month, they'll be in cliques and you'll be the odd one out.
> You need to reach out: If people are hanging in the hallway- join them. Knock on your neighbours' doors (including across the hall and two/three doors down), introduce yourself, borrow things, ask for help, hang out in the common areas, use the kitchen or invite yourself along for meals. Ask people where they're from and what they're studying. Leaving your door open doesn't guarantee anything.
> If this too much to handle, join your school's anxiety group or see a psychologist.
> I wish somebody had given me this advice when I lived in a dorm.


They're all upperclassmen :afr I'm the only freshman on my floor!

There's a microwave in the commons, so if I need to use that one day, that's a good excuse to wander in there. 
Thanks for the advice


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Dovetailing said:


> They're all upperclassmen :afr I'm the only freshman on my floor!
> 
> 
> > This is perfect. Ask them for advice about everything. Most importantly- ask them what is fun to do on a Friday night and where to go. Chances are they will ask you along.


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## Dovetailing (Jul 25, 2006)

I can't say I want that. I mean, thanks for the advice and all, but I'm really not that eager to befriend everyone. I'm naturally introverted, preferring my own company most of the time. I just wish I could forget about my anxiety and do what I have to do freely without locking myself up in here all the time, waiting for the perfect moment to emerge. 

I would stumble on my words if I even tried, anyway.


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