# My therapist is telling me that an arranged marriage is my only option.



## swiv2D (Oct 20, 2005)

She's hinting that it might be my only option. I even mentioned to her a few times that I'd like to fall in love with someone here. I'm 31, and I know I don't have long but I don't think she genuinely believes that I can find someone here on my own. I even asked her if she'd ever have her kids have an arranged marriage. She replied that she'd rather her kids marry someone that's she knows but couldn't understand what I was trying to say.
I have an open mind but I'd like to at least feel like a man and get a relationship on my own and not just marry somebody I hardly know and be forced to live out the rest of my life with them.
This is really depressing. I asked to help me get into a relationship not by the quickest most convenient way.
I wish I'd find love on my own and I'd just run into that person someday soon.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

30 is the new 20 . 

dont stress so much about it , you still have time.


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## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

Is your therapist a Muslim?


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## swiv2D (Oct 20, 2005)

WTFnooooo said:


> Is your therapist a Muslim?


No she's caucasian atheist


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

When you "hinting", what does that mean? Is that what she's saying? Or is that what you're telling yourself she's saying?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

swiv2D said:


> She's hinting that it might be my only option. I even mentioned to her a few times that I'd like to fall in love with someone here. I'm 31, and I know I don't have long but I don't think she genuinely believes that I can find someone here on my own. I even asked her if she'd ever have her kids have an arranged marriage. She replied that she'd rather her kids marry someone that's she knows but couldn't understand what I was trying to say.
> I have an open mind but I'd like to at least feel like a man and get a relationship on my own and not just marry somebody I hardly know and be forced to live out the rest of my life with them.
> This is really depressing. I asked to help me get into a relationship not by the quickest most convenient way.
> I wish I'd find love on my own and I'd just run into that person someday soon.





zookeeper said:


> *When you "hinting", what does that mean? Is that what she's saying? Or is that what you're telling yourself she's saying*?


 This - I would dismiss it this time. If there is a hint in your mind, ask about it directly. I don't think she meant it personally because that is not constructive or even professional in a sense.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

WTFnooooo said:


> Is your therapist a Muslim?


why do you think only muslims do that ?

south korea has arrange marriage too , as japan.


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

Are you sure you're not just reading into it here? You say she's hinting as if she hasn't outright said anything, and when you brought up arranged marriages, she apparently didn't understand what you were getting at. Maybe you're just picking up on something she's not intending to say?

I'd find it really odd if she was actually suggesting an arranged marriage. Honestly, getting into an arranged marriage would probably be just as difficult as the "falling in love" way because how many people are going to agree to one? I know no one I know would ever go for it.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

OP, ask your therapist to actually tell you what she thinks. Hinting at something is highly subjective. You may well perceive her as hinting at something that never crossed her mind. That kind of stuff happens. ASK HER.


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## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

forex said:


> why do you think only muslims do that ?
> 
> south korea has arrange marriage too , as japan.


I don't.

Given that the OP is in the UK, I though it was the case.

I wouldn't recommend anyone to attend to a therapist that has an imaginary friend.


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## swiv2D (Oct 20, 2005)

zookeeper said:


> When you "hinting", what does that mean? Is that what she's saying? Or is that what you're telling yourself she's saying?





millenniumman75 said:


> This - I would dismiss it this time. If there is a hint in your mind, ask about it directly. I don't think she meant it personally because that is not constructive or even professional in a sense.


Cause she keeps asking me to have an open mind and asking me to consider it like i'm being ignorant, but at this stage in life. I long for genuine love so much that I almost need it to rescue me, without sounding too sappy.



hmweasley said:


> Are you sure you're not just reading into it here? You say she's hinting as if she hasn't outright said anything, and when you brought up arranged marriages, she apparently didn't understand what you were getting at. Maybe you're just picking up on something she's not intending to say?
> 
> I'd find it really odd if she was actually suggesting an arranged marriage. Honestly, getting into an arranged marriage would probably be just as difficult as the "falling in love" way because how many people are going to agree to one? I know no one I know would ever go for it.


In India almost everyone is ready to marry because either it's a free passport to what they think is a better life when it's actually not or becasue the women and men their are so deprived of sexual freedom and intimacy that it's the only option for them. They don't even let you talk to them for more than an hour and in that time you are suppose to figure out if they are a life partner or not. i'e never done this but even the idea of wanting to go back to their house to talk to the girl again is s******ed and giggled at by the parents and relatives and people around and rumours fly quick. It's not a healthy place for any relationship cause not only of the treatment of women but children in general.



Lisa said:


> OP, ask your therapist to actually tell you what she thinks. Hinting at something is highly subjective. You may well perceive her as hinting at something that never crossed her mind. That kind of stuff happens. ASK HER.


I did and she totally didn't see it coming. not to sound condescending towards her but I seem to have more experience on what to think about this subject than her. She told me she'd rather have her kids marry somebody she knew that'd be good for them but then again how would she know that, wouldn't that be up to them. Also how can she guarantee that person would make them happy, and whilst she was trying to explain she realised she couldn't answer so she changed the subject, which is why I think that she thinks it's my only choice now because she almost seems adamant at times.



WTFnooooo said:


> I don't.
> 
> Given that the OP is in the UK, I though it was the case.
> 
> I wouldn't recommend anyone to attend to a therapist that has an imaginary friend.


Thank you. That's the thing I at least expected her to know how I would feel against arranged marriages but instead she's almost for it they way she sounds. She's a caucasian lady from the U.K I thought she'd at least look down on it, but I'm starting think she's worried about causing damage in my family more than trying to repair me if she thinks that it's ok to have an arranged marriage.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

swiv2D said:


> Cause she keeps asking me to have an open mind and asking me to consider it like i'm being ignorant, but at this stage in life. I long for genuine love so much that I almost need it to rescue me, without sounding too sappy.
> 
> In India almost everyone is ready to marry because either it's a free passport to what they think is a better life when it's actually not or becasue the women and men their are so deprived of sexual freedom and intimacy that it's the only option for them. They don't even let you talk to them for more than an hour and in that time you are suppose to figure out if they are a life partner or not. i'e never done this but even the idea of wanting to go back to their house to talk to the girl again is s******ed and giggled at by the parents and relatives and people around and rumours fly quick. It's not a healthy place for any relationship cause not only of the treatment of women but children in general.
> 
> ...


If that is really true might want to change therapists. I went to University in the UK and was friends with a guy of Pakistani descent. He was stuck in an arranged marriage and it made him miserable (to say the least!).


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## swiv2D (Oct 20, 2005)

Lisa said:


> If that is really true might want to change therapists. I went to University in the UK and was friends with a guy of Pakistani descent. He was stuck in an arranged marriage and it made him miserable (to say the least!).


I know a lot of people who are miserable with it, some who aren't but it's not the same as falling in love but the trouble is at this age and the difficulty of finding someone and dating is a big issue for me. I suppose it would of been a lot easier whilst at college or university to find someone.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Something does not sound right with this therapist talking about arranged marriages. That's really counterintuitive.

Whether we like it or not, and I am talking to men, we will have to make the first move. We have to be comfortable with saying the first words in MANY types of conversations first.

We are going to have to step up - that is just the way it is, guys. Start small with a hello to the cashiers in the grocery store. They might thump your melons, but they won't make fun of you - they'd probably lose their jobs.

Work your way to other conversations.


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## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

My cousin just got married and had a baby at age 43, so you have time yet.


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## Teflondon (Dec 5, 2014)

Men have no expiry date - we get to be opportunistic creepos until the day we die.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

WTFnooooo said:


> I don't.
> 
> Given that the OP is in the UK, I though it was the case.
> 
> I wouldn't recommend anyone to attend to a therapist that has an imaginary friend.


Given that the OP is in the UK, it would make more sense to ask if he is East Indian not Moslem.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Lisa said:


> OP, ask your therapist to actually tell you what she thinks. Hinting at something is highly subjective. You may well perceive her as hinting at something that never crossed her mind. That kind of stuff happens. ASK HER.


The failsafe way to know what someone else is thinking, ask them lol.


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## Kaloop (Apr 1, 2014)

OP, I think you need to find a better therapist. As a man, the first thing you need to do to find love is get used to rejection. Approach many, many different women. You may be awkward or uncomfortable at first, but at some point there's going to be some woman that will look past that. Even the most handsome and confident of men get rejected a lot.


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