# Are you more attracted to others with social anxiety?



## ScarletMacaw99 (May 5, 2010)

Frankly, I am. People with social anxiety are less likely to betray you in favor of someone else (since they tend to have fewer others). And they're also probably more willing to tolerate you because they don't have any social support to back themselves up on should they leave you. And I'm naturally very introverted so I'd prefer to stay at home and discuss all sorts of interesting things rather than go outside.

Also, if I had emotional support from an understanding other, I'd actually have some buffer against rejection.


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

Not at all. I'm attracted to the sweet and semi-quiet ones sometimes and the more social and outgoing ones other times but never (knowingly) others with SA or GA. I want to overcome my anxiety and make my life better, not be with someone who could very possibly make my anxiety and overall depression worse because of their SA and separate fears of things.

In the end people are still people and all different so you can never box them in and know how theyre going to act around or towards you because no one person is the same as the next.


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## TheGreatPretender (Sep 6, 2010)

Yeah I would prefer to be with someone else who has SA as well


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

inquilinekea said:


> And they're also probably more willing to tolerate you because they don't have any social support to back themselves up on should they leave you.


That's not exactly a healthy footing for a relationship. I want to be genuinely liked, not merely tolerated because the person has no other options.


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## ScarletMacaw99 (May 5, 2010)

> That's not exactly a healthy footing for a relationship. I want to be genuinely liked, not merely tolerated because the person has no other options.


But tolerance is a prerequisite for liking. Actually I should change what I originally said - they're more willing to consider that you might be genuinely likeable. Since many others are quick to reject people before they even know them.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Yeah, there was one girl in particular who I thought might have SA, but what am I supposed to do? Say hey, I'm guessing you have a mental disorder like me, we should date! Don't think so.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

Nope I am attracted to the exact opposite. Every girl ive ever dated has been very outgoing.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

inquilinekea said:


> Actually I should change what I originally said - they're more willing to consider that you might be genuinely likeable. Since many others are quick to reject people before they even know them.


Ok, that's better. It's one thing to be tolerated because the person loves you for who you are and knows that your flaws don't define you. That's the healthy kind of tolerance. But to be tolerated simply because the person has no one else to spend their time with and is scared to be alone--that's something entirely different. That's dependence, not tolerance.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Absolutely.


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## lazy calm (Aug 1, 2010)

usually attracted to those who are just a bit shy


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## Social Natural (Sep 11, 2010)

A little bit of both, as long as she is feminine.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I can't say I've never personally met anyone with SA. But I think that dating someone with SA would be alot easier.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Yes, but it's only because there seems to be more understanding. The majority of the talkative world doesn't get it.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

I have an attraction to people who are shy. I don't know if they necessarily have SA though. I like seeing a little bit of myself in people sometimes. Is that bad?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Shy or not makes no difference to me. Only one of many personality traits.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'd be as interested in someone with social anxiety as I would anyone else. If anything, their lifestyle would probably be more a match to mine, so who's to complain?


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I've never noticed my feelings to change either way.


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## introvert33 (Jun 23, 2010)

I don't actually know other people who have SA, but someone who would be compatible is probably not going to be an extrovert, and I tend to like the more thoughtful type.

One plus for someone with SA, I might be more concerned for their comfort, and focus less on my own anxiety and be more willing to be the one to take social risks.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Being in a relationship with someone who has an active stereotypical social life seems like it'd end up way too stressful, so they'd need to be an introvert. Being SA could be a negative though, if they wrongly assume mine is like theirs and they try to drag me along with what helps them, or pressure me to do exposure that I don't want. There's also the risk that an SA person would drastically change if they got better (maybe they're a closet extrovert) so a non-SA introvert might be more stable and reliable.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Well, it would probably depend on the rest of their personality... but I'd probably feel a lot less anxious with them, just because I would get this great feeling that if I were to get anxious in a certain situation, instead of them looking at me and thinking 'okay wtf is WRONG with you?', they would probably say 'okay, I understand'... and to be honest, that kind of understanding goes a long way. 

On the other hand, if we didn't have anything else in common it would probably be unbearably boring.


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## ORly (Jul 23, 2010)

In high school I used to be very attracted to the idea of being with someone shy because I thought they'd be more loyal/less likely to cheat. But looking back I don't think I had a very healthy out look.

I recently got married to the guy I've been with for over 3 years, and he is the complete opposite when it comes to social situations. I didn't start dating him for this reason, it's just something I found out once we'd been together for a while. The boy is fearless, even when his cheesy jokes fail he keeps at it. It's adorable, and I think he balances me out.


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## Doniel (Sep 26, 2010)

I have to agree. I had someone like that and he was perfect except he didn't know how to tell the truth and just be him. I am still in-love with him but can't be with someone I can't be with a liar.


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## Greg415 (Aug 24, 2010)

Yes. I've realized over the past couple years that I am more attracted to girls with SA or who are just shy. My ex's were really outgoing and always wanted to be the center of attention, plus they weren't very loyal. It's hard for me to approach a girl though, especially the shy one's:um because I'm shy too.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

I find them to be very comfortable to be around, but there are times where i'm dying to hear their opinion about something. And I end up asking them about something just to get an answer. I'm a complete introvert, but i'm still extremely talkative, I usually have to constantly tell myself to shut up.

This is my *666*th post, hell yeah!!! :evil


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

I tend to be attracted to shyness, it's hard to start something though because when they don't talk much I have no idea what they're thinking, if they secretly like me or dislike me =/


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

It would be difficult for someone without SAD to truly understand me -- a lot of my life is almost unbelievable to someone who has never felt a day of what I've lived a lifetime of.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

One of the, if not the, biggest things I've realized about anxious chicks is they respond more proactively to body language over verbal language. They're more willing to go out and do things and have experiences if they don't have to talk. Eventually, a lot of them trust you enough that they'll whisper to you when in public around a lot of other people, and they'll hold your arm tightly or like to be held around the waist snugly. Instead of trying to escape the eyes of others, they'll look to you as comfort when falling under pressure. 

The question for me is how after that, a lot of them start behaving like little kids starved for attention, and it comes down to how long I can deal with that, but that's girls in general. Anxious chicks just seem to be more leveraged.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

i think i would feel very inadequate being with a girl who was vastly more social than myself.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I tend to be attracted to the social types which sucks since it wouldn't work in a million years. I wish I could be attracted to shy personalities like myself.


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## JEmerson (Mar 25, 2010)

I would love to date someone who has SA or is just shy. The problem is meeting that kind of person. Considering they deal with anxiety like I do, neither of us would go out of our way to meet each other and so we end up alone. lol


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

Not sure, but I've noticed that I tend to freak out even more knowing if someone else has a social problem. I feel very akward around them. 

I'm not sure why, it just happens.


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## SkateDVS96 (Sep 30, 2010)

yeahhh i like the cute shy girls


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Sort of... I am attracted to quiet people who do not like extroverted activities and reserve conversation for making a point rather than just talking to talk. However too much actual anxiety over those situations is kind of annoying. Then you both get to sit there going "you ask them" "no you" , "you make the phone call" "but I don't want to" *phone call never gets made* ..... 

I spent 2 years living with someone who had worse SA than me and it got very tiring. I had to keep pulling us out of difficult situations and even just getting food was a test of my patience. I wasn't going to cook for us all the time and he couldn't even manage a frozen pizza so I'd just threaten to make a tv dinner for myself and then sit back and wait it out. Eventually he'd get hungry enough to overcome anxiety. Life is much easier to get through when you don't have to drag the other person through it while trying to keep yourself standing.


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## ShadowArtist (Sep 18, 2010)

I'd definitely like to start a relationship with someone who is not very social. Wait, I said that wrong. More like, someone who has a bottled up personality like me who really wants to go and do fun stuff, but is a bit nervous about doing it.

It has nothing to do with loyalty or that I like awkwardness. I just think the relationship would be more balanced and honest - neither of us pretending to be something we're not. But probably the biggest reason is: I think it'd be a lot of fun to be with someone like that. Every day would be an adventure for both of us, trying new things.


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## pumpkinspice (Aug 8, 2010)

I would like to date someone who is understanding and actually "gets it". Most people that have never experienced any form of anxiety/depression just don't seem to understand at all.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I wouldnt say i actively seek out girls with SA but shy or intorverted types i seem to have more in common with. I dont like to go out alot i mean sometimes is fine but it seems alotta the outgoing girls want to go out alot more than i like.The other thing i've noticed about shy or introverted girls is they are more like me; they like to read are creative, more intellectual etc.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

LaRibbon said:


> No. I find introverted personalities attractive. But I don't think there's anything particularly attractive about being socially anxious.


^This.

I like people who like solitary/not large group activities. Whether they have SA or not they just need to be able to express that they love me. If the person can't do this I'd rather be alone.


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

I think I would have to have someone more outgoing - and very understanding. 

The thing is, I would feel bad for them being tied down to someone like me, and that would probably ruin whatever we had going.


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## DyingInTheOutside (Sep 26, 2010)

I don't really factor SA into the equation, I think some SA people can really intrigue me and make me want to be around them, and as well some outgoing people do.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

introvert33 said:


> One plus for someone with SA, I might be more concerned for their comfort, and focus less on my own anxiety and be more willing to be the one to take social risks.


This is exactly how I am


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

No, but I guess it's more likely for someone with SA to possess certain qualities I'm attracted to - humility, kindness, open-mindedness, not arrogant. I've met a few non-SA people like that too but they seem few and far between (or maybe that's just because I don't get out much :b).


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## kelsomania (Oct 12, 2010)

I dated a really quiet guy once. I am also extremely quiet, therefore we just kinda sat there and stared at each other. I was only 13 at the time so it would have been awkward regardless. I tend to date guys who are outgoing because it helps balance things out. Someone has to listen to those blabbermouths lol.


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## FakeFur (Nov 4, 2009)

I'm usually attracted to guys that are very different from me, i.e. confident and outgoing.


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## Space Ghost (Jul 13, 2010)

As long as the sex is good. JK, i dunno, shy ones can be cute


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

I seem to attract girls that have some kind of mental disorder. In my last year of highschool, their was this crazy girl that i think had some kind of personality disorder, and she would tell me that she wanted to be my girlfriend, but she was another one of my baseball teammates gf's.

Now in college theres this girl that i can tell has a ton of anxiety, and she just likes to talk to me alot. And these girls are attractive girls. Who knows, maybe ill meet some girls here i can video chat with for exposure therapy.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I'm more comfortable with shy, quiet and wholesome girls but they seem to bore me or used to bore me when I was younger. I usually go after the outgoing and very social girls if I'm interested in one, but I always come up short because I'm not cool enough or something.

Sometimes I feel like a real-life Forrest Gump, a dork who tried to get with too many Jenny's. We all know Jenny was a b***h and a hoe.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I'm Undecided really


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## SCV (Sep 4, 2010)

yea im more attracted to girls with similar personalities as me i think... I seem to like sad-looking and shy girls


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## GrimmRider (Jun 26, 2009)

Been a bit since I've signed on here and this topic really intrigues me!

I'm bad enough off in everyday situations that I may as well just stay in my room, but, when I get around a small group, I'm confident, when with a woman I am interested in, I'm _VERY_ confident. The last relationship I was in had me going to concerts, grocery shopping, dining in nice restaurants (instead of washing dishes at them for minimum wage! :mum), pretty much being *normal,* and the week she left me over things totally unrelated to "_us_" as she put it, I was back to square one. We still talk, but not much, and about nothing.

I've landed some awesome relationships that were such a high just to be in that it was even more of a let down when it ended due to my lack of social interaction despite my confidence and ability to do almost anything but interact socially and casually in everyday situations, make appointments, etc.

I'm attracted to someone genuine, doesn't really matter if she is SA or not. So long as she can live with my limitations and moments and love me all the same, I have no problem being the best person I can be in life with someone by my side.

Got myself missing having someone around to share a good laugh with. :blank

-Ben


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## Georgina 22 (Jan 4, 2009)

My boyfriend is a member of this forum and also has it, or he's getting better now, I think. It is nice to be with someone who suffers from the same problem because they understand more. I like shy guys


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

not full blown SA but i like someone who is shy. still social but not too social in which they know everyone and likes to be around a lot of people all the time. a nice balance but more shy.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Tricky question. Those with social anxiety or anxiety disorders in general do tend to be more sensitive and generally higher maintenance so when you combine it with your own needs it can be wonderful or disastrous. Of the three I was close with last fall, two ended in major fallouts (and I never ever bicker with people - getting along with others is my thing!) and the other is one of my best friends. It's a real toss up.


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## Charzar (Oct 24, 2010)

Handling myself is hard enough, I cannot imagine dealing with another person like me. Personally, I like outgoing girls who like to have fun and don't care what people think about them. When I'm with shy girls, it is so awkward for the both of us.


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## DrewDrewson (Mar 29, 2010)

I think the best way to conquer this disorder would be to be with someone else who has it. Almost like a tag team partner. Someone who doesn't have it is not going to understand it and will probably eventually view you as weak. I think a lot of people with SA are deep people and the combination could create a very deep and meaningful relationship.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Oh wait...we're talking romantic relationships? Even trickier! I'd never hold it against a guy. The thing is the guys I've dated were "normal" and whenever I was with them or their friends or just generally out in the world I'd forget for a while that I'm not like them, not normal, or whatever one might call it. It also helped to have that reminder of what the real world is like and how it's not so scary after all. I'm pretty in tune with those around me and if someone's anxious I pick up on it and often feel anxious as well!


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I am more comfortable around other shy people, I think it's easier to communicate when you have simular personalities.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I think I'm more attracted to the fact that social anxiety sufferers understand what it's like...I was attracted to my psychiatrist in a weird way, just because she "knew" how I felt and why. So yeah, it's not so much that they have social anxiety too, but that they...know what it's like.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

hell no. take you and your narcissism..your sibling rivalry..your daddy and mommy issues..your insecurities..your child like emotional development and everything else and shove it up your arsh!

im bagging me a normal person.


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## ktbare (Sep 13, 2009)

In a way I guess, it depends on their personality. My bf is perfect, the whole package for me, anxious yes, but also shy and non-judgmental as well as non-try hard, I find these things very attractive. I'm very lucky to have found him .


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm attracted to shyer girls, so I suppose in a way yes.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

No not so much not that I'm less attracted but certainly not more attracted.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

*Yes*

If there are two girls in a room, one is shy, and one is really confident, I will usually be infinitely more interested in the shy girl.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Depends on if I'm looking for a reserved or assertive person in the moment.

The problem with socially anxious people is they're easily scared. They're easy to approach if you're soft with them, but they're borderline paranoid of ulterior motives, and they're not very socially creative even if they're artistically or analytically creative. It's difficult to enjoy their company unless you treat them like children a lot of the time.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Not SA per se, but definitely the more quiet people. Loud extroverts make me nervous and uncomfortable...


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## OrbitalResonance (Sep 21, 2010)

Sagacious said:


> If there are two girls in a room, one is shy, and one is really confident, I will usually be infinitely more interested in the shy girl.


+1 all the way across the sky


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## pumpkinspice (Aug 8, 2010)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Not SA per se, but definitely the more quiet people.* Loud extroverts make me* *nervous and uncomfortable*...


Same here. I can't deal with them. I hate having attention brought to myself out in public and these types of people just draw all sorts of attention. It embarrasses the hell outta me.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

Yes. I have a boyfriend and he's not shy, but he is slightly anti social and I really like that about him because he's always stay home with me instead of go out to bars and such. But yeah I am more attracted to shy guys. I am attracted to a lot of guys on this site...


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

I've almost come to the point where it's required. I can't stand outgoing girls.


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