# What if I refuse to take part in fakeness?



## Frozenvoice (Jul 15, 2013)

I see so many people taking part in and encouraging it. Apparently I'm supposed to smile when I walk in and announce good morning or its rude. I wasn't specifically told this by my boss but by a family member who asked what do I do when I go in after I pondered and questioned why I was so hated at work. So keeping to myself and being as robotic as humanly possible earns me hatred? I hate emotions and I hate sharing them. I'm not there to be anyones friend or buddy. I do not want to take part in this dance of fakeness and plastic that so many adults insist other adults take part in. I put up a wall and its like they are the huns knocking down my wall and trying to get in when I clearly said f off. You'd think my silence would hint "hey lets just let her have her way and live in solitude and only talk to her when necessary." People insist upon trying to crack me like an egg and get me to be on their side and join their world. I was denied access to that world years ago. There is no going back. I now enjoy being alone. I actually am saying I dont want to get better anymore. I enjoy it all now. I just want to be allowed to throw my humanity and emotions away and live like a robot and only show my emotions to those who I love. Basically f everyone who isn't family.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

What if? People will hold it against you and your life will become more difficult. 

There's a reason why social graces exist. They're there to make people feel comfortable and respected. 

Unfortunately it is often faked, especially when you already know you don't like the people you're dealing with. If you abandoned social graces however things would more likely spiral down into blatant hostility.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

Good for you OP. I hate fake***es too. World is full of em'


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I feel that way sometimes too. I want to be close to people, but most of the time I find comfort in being a loner and feel like I would rather be one than risk being hurt by all the fake people out there. I find that I very rarely actually enjoy someones company. When I avoid people, it's not even because of anxiety, I honestly just have no desire to socialize with them.


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## edwardc (Jul 28, 2013)

Frozenvoice said:


> I see so many people taking part in and encouraging it. Apparently I'm supposed to smile when I walk in and announce good morning or its rude. I wasn't specifically told this by my boss but by a family member who asked what do I do when I go in after I pondered and questioned why I was so hated at work. So keeping to myself and being as robotic as humanly possible earns me hatred? I hate emotions and I hate sharing them. I'm not there to be anyones friend or buddy. I do not want to take part in this dance of fakeness and plastic that so many adults insist other adults take part in. I put up a wall and its like they are the huns knocking down my wall and trying to get in when I clearly said f off. You'd think my silence would hint "hey lets just let her have her way and live in solitude and only talk to her when necessary." People insist upon trying to crack me like an egg and get me to be on their side and join their world. I was denied access to that world years ago. There is no going back. I now enjoy being alone. I actually am saying I dont want to get better anymore. I enjoy it all now. I just want to be allowed to throw my humanity and emotions away and live like a robot and only show my emotions to those who I love. Basically f everyone who isn't family.


I've worked in many places, some small and very large. I can't think of anyplace where someone would be successful at the job if they didn't interact with other people and be friendly. I don't regard those interactions as being fake. Not everyone in the office if my favorite person to talk with or have lunch with, but there should be a few. Those people I like and have more in common with, I end up liking them more while the rest I don't really care for. Look for something you like about these people first would be my suggestion. Yeah, if you don't like sports and they want to talk about sports, yes that feels fake. But if you have things in common that isn't fake. I will tell you, when it comes time to reduce staff in generally it's the people that don't seemed connected to others there in a friendly manner makes it easier to let them go, because they won't be missed as much. You don't all have to be best buddies like some cheesy sitcom TV show, but work on being professional. I suggest you take it slow with one person and see how it goes.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

I am not fake, and this has resulted to me having no IRL friends. I can understand it though, as most people are horribly boring and do not like having to face it when I don't encourage them with any fake interest.


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## kylieky (Jul 4, 2012)

This is why I am the way I am.If I'm not in the mood or don't particularly care for you, then you get nothing from me. I don't like pretending.


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## SoloArtist (Jun 11, 2013)

You do not fake it. You have to be genuinely interested in other people, what is going on in their life, their mental/physical health, how they are doing, etc. You _don't_ have to share your emotions, your life story, etc and neither do they. Obviously, your level of connection will vary with relationship to relationship. With coworkers, you generally talk about less private things, common themes you both share in each others life you can connect with, discuss, and think about together.

Don't be afraid to compile a list of conversation topics in advance. This is what most adults do. This is all a part of becoming mature and less self interested (less greedy, less self serving), and more involved with society as a whole. Even if people can tell you are not 
"sincere" in your words, they will appreciate the fact that you are trying to talk to them and will respond to that. Over time, you yourself come to appreciate being a part of society, when people start interacting with you.


Traffic
The weather
Business Projects (some people don't like to talk about work at work, but some do)
Their kids, siblings, wife or husband (let them share these details first with you generally)
Cool news topics (good, it gets you discussing something more abstract where some opinions, facts, deeper level thinking can come out)
Books, TV, music, the arts
Community Events
Vacations, cool stories and crazy events or facts

I used to be very anti-society, and sometimes I still am. This is tough for introverts, very tough. I am still learning it myself, but I am coming to understand as I get older why it is important. It's about being a part of human society, something bigger than just yourself, and making a positive difference in the world through communication (a very powerful thing).


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## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

Humans are stupid, emotional, social animals. If you don't puff up your feathers and dance the dance you'll get left out in the rain and the dark for the predators.


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## lordseshomaru86 (Aug 13, 2013)

wrongnumber said:


> What if? People will hold it against you and your life will become more difficult.
> 
> There's a reason why social graces exist. They're there to make people feel comfortable and respected.
> 
> Unfortunately it is often faked, especially when you already know you don't like the people you're dealing with. If you abandoned social graces however things would more likely spiral down into blatant hostility.


This. It's not all about you it's also about the people who are stuck having to exist around you. You say **** them, they say **** you back. The end


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Sorry but obviously you dislike them so why are you surprised they dislike you...

Just saying... 

Having a strong team is important in most work environments.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

I live my life in a very similar way. I don't like to show my emotions at all. I keep my face straight and normal as possible to hide the anxiety and self loathing that i endure. And i hate always putting on that fake smile and saying "good morning" and "how are you". I really wish it was socially acceptable to just ignore eachother, do our jobs and get on with our lives. Social interaction is my worst quality and every time i open my mouth it shows.


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Are you stupid ? The OP is clearly stating that she just wants to be left alone despite all the other co-workers's constant annoyance. If I want to just work, do my job and get the **** out of there as soon as humanly possible than who the **** are you to tell me I can't and I should contribute and like the people around me ? Apparently if you don't try to fit in you are automatically seen as some sort of threat. Wtf is wrong with the world ? Where the **** says you should socialize in the job aggreement ?


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

lordseshomaru86 said:


> This. It's not all about you it's also about the people who are stuck having to exist around you. You say **** them, they say **** you back. The end





awkwardsilent said:


> Sorry but obviously you dislike them so why are you surprised they dislike you...
> 
> Just saying...
> 
> Having a strong team is important in most work environments.


Are you stupid ? The OP is clearly stating that she just wants to be left alone despite all the other co-workers's constant annoyance. If I want to just work, do my job and get the **** out of there as soon as humanly possible than who the **** are you to tell me I can't and I should contribute and like the people around me ? Apparently if you don't try to fit in you are automatically seen as some sort of threat. Wtf is wrong with the world ? Where the **** says you should socialize in the job aggreement ?


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Well theres nothing wrong with not being fake and going against social norms. Nothing wrong at all... but it wont make you friends or get you far. That's for sure. Unfortunately this world is driven by fakeness. Id love to have said "I just want this job to make money and get everyone off my back, but honestly I don't really want to work here. This place is a minimum wage dump." at my interview yesterday.. but where would that have gotten me? Not hired. So instead I told everyone it was great to meet them, Id love to work there, and Id make an amazingly social employee. Because that's what makes people like you and gets you places. You don't have to change OP, you can keep doing what youre doing for the rest of your life. But don't get surprised when people dislike you for not kissing *** and putting on a face, because that's what normal people do to be liked and get ahead. Its just a harsh reality.


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## Gizamalukeix (Sep 16, 2012)

I agree with everything you said, Frozenvoice, I can't stand fakeness and will never encourage it. Few things piss me off more than the fake one's. I know I'd rather be hated or disliked for being myself than accepted and liked for being plastic. You can make friends and get along, you just have to find other real people.


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## rain2000 (Aug 23, 2013)

Excellent answers here. Although I am nice and courteous at work I am quiet. The majority of people I work with are not anything like me, I live in the south, I still feel left out. I don't want to be judged and I know they judge people because I hear them talking about other people all of the time. The things they say apply to me so why would I dare open up when I've seen them insult others with the same life I have? They are fake, and honestly if you are happy without them good for you.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i feel the same way as the OP.

except for the same reasons its ok to be robotic at work, its ok for them to be fake/normal. you just have to do whatever you can to get through it.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

u still can fake confidence but theres no emotional part to it.


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## lordseshomaru86 (Aug 13, 2013)

Der Ubermensch said:


> Are you stupid ? The OP is clearly stating that she just wants to be left alone despite all the other co-workers's constant annoyance. If I want to just work, do my job and get the **** out of there as soon as humanly possible than who the **** are you to tell me I can't and I should contribute and like the people around me ? Apparently if you don't try to fit in you are automatically seen as some sort of threat. Wtf is wrong with the world ? Where the **** says you should socialize in the job aggreement ?


where did either of us say you were forced to like people or do anything? Working together and communicating actively is how most of the world gets things done. Did you ever stop and think it might not be "fakeness" from the other people? Other people genuinely care about how their peers feel and express that, whether you understand that or not? If you just don't give a **** about people that's fine.

Yes it's your right not to want to interact with anyone and that's fine if your definition of "nice" doesn't fit in with the majority's, but just accept and expect right away the fact that you're going to be labeled a "dick" or a "*****". Most people are social creatures, as you well know, and if someone needs help in work how are people supposed to approach you if they need to and (god forbid) there's no one else they can turn to?

maybe you should consider working from home as soon as it's feasible for you.

If you keep at it, then in time there will be a shift where people learn to avoid you at all costs, but **** it takes time and alot of adjustment from the group. Sooner or later they won't even notice you but since you don't have people skills then just have patience and ride this storm out till it passes. But don't cuss us out for pointing out the basics of human nature


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

lordseshomaru86 said:


> where did either of us say you were forced to like people or do anything? Working together and communicating actively is how most of the world gets things done. Did you ever stop and think it might not be "fakeness" from the other people? Other people genuinely care about how their peers feel and express that, whether you understand that or not? If you just don't give a **** about people that's fine.
> 
> Yes it's your right not to want to interact with anyone and that's fine if your definition of "nice" doesn't fit in with the majority's, but just accept and expect right away the fact that you're going to be labeled a "dick" or a "*****". Most people are social creatures, as you well know, and if someone needs help in work how are people supposed to approach you if they need to and (god forbid) there's no one else they can turn to?
> 
> ...


Facepalm. It's sort of a unspoken rule. Like if you don't like people and don't want to socialize then you send out a negative vibe and they're gonna react to it negatively. I wasn't talking about not contributing to anything if someone asks for help but more about the talking and socializing. Ok so it might not be fake but that doesn't mean I have to put up with them just cause they have and interesnt in people and I don't. And why would they label me a dick if I just don't feel like talking ??? Why ? If that would be the case then they wouldn't be worth talking to anyway. Yes, and I do work from home thank you very much because I can't handle the stress and panick attacks that come from interacting with people. Now do not even think of blaming my SA for my dislike of people, it has nothing to do with it and even if it did, it's still my choice of not wanting to socialize. "Since you don't have people skills..." Really ? FYI I can get along with people just great when I want to, I have plenty to talk about and I can relate to them very easy but I just choose not to cause most of the time my mind is so busy. And human nature can be overriden.


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## sinept (Sep 15, 2013)

I love this thread. It makes me think about the grander scale of things. Were humans ever meant to be as social as we are now? If we were, surely our senses of trepidation about other people would have evolved out by now. Very interesting to think about.


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## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

Frozenvoice said:


> I see so many people taking part in and encouraging it. Apparently I'm supposed to smile when I walk in and announce good morning or its rude.


Yes, most people (at least in the U.S.) will consider it rude for people not to acknowledge them. Its seen as polite and friendly behavior to greet someone when you first see them. Yes, you may not _feel_ like it and it might seem incredibly pointless BUT from their point of view its what makes people approachable. From your perspective your behavior is fine because that's what you want to do. But you have to see things from other people's perspective and realize how your actions might affect them. Even if you do not want to greet them it doesn't take much energy or effort to either say "hi" or smile and nod before getting back to whatever it was you were doing.



Frozenvoice said:


> I do not want to take part in this dance of fakeness and plastic that so many adults insist other adults take part in.


What about greeting people is "fake"? What is your definition of fake? Is it not genuine for people to socialize or acknowledge people they know and people who are new to them? I don't see how the word "fake" can be used to describe friendly behavior.



Frozenvoice said:


> I was denied access to that world years ago. There is no going back. I now enjoy being alone. I actually am saying I dont want to get better anymore. I enjoy it all now. I just want to be allowed to throw my humanity and emotions away and live like a robot and only show my emotions to those who I love. Basically f everyone who isn't family.


What experience of yours led you to believe that you are "denied access" to this world? If it weren't for that experience, would you have that same belief today? Do you really want to throw your humanity and emotions away or so you want to solve the underlying problems that cause you to feel that way?


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## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

I don't let anyone tell me what or who I am supposed to be !! Now if I met someone that had their own crap together I would listen...

But the world is SCREWED UP !! People are so fake they make me want to puke !!

I have a simple philosophy : If someone can't be real WITH me, then they aren't real TO me.

Because if they can't be themselves... then they can't even stand themselves !! And I was always taught the Golden Rule " Do to others as you want done to you"

Well LIARS get about as far with me, as single ply toilet paper !! And I will treat them as such !!


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## Jonsie (Sep 29, 2013)

ineverwipe said:


> I live my life in a very similar way. I don't like to show my emotions at all. I keep my face straight and normal as possible to hide the anxiety and self loathing that i endure. And i hate always putting on that fake smile and saying "good morning" and "how are you". I really wish it was socially acceptable to just ignore eachother, do our jobs and get on with our lives. Social interaction is my worst quality and every time i open my mouth it shows.


I feel as though this quote could've been written by me. I rarely to never say _*good morning*_ when entering work/class. Why? Because it is uncomfortable.:no I don't like doing it. I've been asked on more than one occasion as to why I look "upset today." It's because 1. I don't want you talking to me unless it's about work and 2. I feel uncomfortable and scared for most of the day, so I need to hide it somehow.


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## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

You have to be fake to survive in this world, but there's a limit to how fake I will be. I don't suck up to people and I don't network - I leave that to those desperate enough to chase the $$$ and climb the corporate ladder. I just try to stick to roles where I can just go about my job and interact with as few people as possible - money and status mean nothing to me. 

There are some people at work I get on with, but as for the rest of them, I don't greet them or ask them how they are. The more I'm surrounded by these people the more alienated I feel and the more resentful I am that I have to spend my day in their company. I have nothing to say to people who just want to yak all day long about where they're going for lunch, what they're having for dinner, who they're meeting up with for brunch in the weekend and what they thought of the latest episode of X Factor.


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## daisilui (Jul 11, 2014)

Jonsie said:


> I feel as though this quote could've been written by me. I rarely to never say _*good morning*_ when entering work/class. Why? Because it is uncomfortable.:no I don't like doing it. I've been asked on more than one occasion as to why I look "upset today." It's because 1. I don't want you talking to me unless it's about work and 2. I feel uncomfortable and scared for most of the day, so I need to hide it somehow.


how about good bye- do you have anything against it too?!

you are missing the meaning of 'good morning' but you're not alone. I see this quite common where I live and work [strange enough- those who don't say good morning feel offended when you don't say good bye when you're leaving]. It is exclusively a trend among the young generation although there are exceptions. Also this is more common among Americans than newcomers from elsewhere. It is probably a sing of the modern times especially in large urban settings where people step on each others toes, become more egoistic while lose respect for life around them, including their own. However, once in a while I'm surprised by a 'good morning' from a stranger on the street, most often coming from First Nation bums. Also, things are different in the rural communities where people know each other.

I was brought up with a set of standard social behaviour that was common to the entire society. Greeting [let alone taking off your hat or the hands out of the pockets when you greet someone], opening the door or offering your bus seat to women or elders, respecting the elders, knocking on the door, asking permission to open a window when others are around... were things I learned home, before going to school. I've never experienced someone so insensitive as to not greet even if we had a fight the day before [that is unless I arrived here].

I've been deeply impressed by the way one is greeted or thanked by Thai people, with hands joined in a prayer fashion accompanied by a bow. The bow or head nod is also common among Christian communities in some parts of the world- they greet Christ embodied in you; what a sign of humbleness and respect!

To me coming in and sitting on a chair next to me without acknowledging my existence is extremely rude. Even worse when you are in the wilderness and face someone who avoids eye contact like there's nothing to look at... Since the beginning of times people acknowledged each other and crossed paths. It is a basic human behaviour and not only- my neighbour's cat is sensible enough to meow making his presence known if I haven't noticed him so to not startle me [I do the same to him in response, as a sign of respect]. Animals leave scent, make noise to let others know they are around. We humans have voices and brains- put them to use!

Perhaps no one told you this so, think about it...


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I absolutely feel you OP. I've denounced the fakery too. The way I always put it is that while nearly all people wear a mask, I put up a fence. I'm courteous and tactful so as to not offend anyone, but I see nothing wrong with being neutral and distant until I get to know people better. I would be fine with being treated the same way. In general, I make a point of treating people the way I'd like to be treated. It's fair, it's genuine and it's ethical. I don't care if anyone reacts negatively, because I know I'm in the right on this matter.


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## asdf111 (Dec 20, 2014)

I never once said good morning or acted like I care about my co workers and I am hated for it but idc.
No i don't give a **** about you or your morning, I don't want to be here (I know it, they know it, my boss knows it) so why pretend, no it's not good morning, how the **** could it be good when I have to get there at 5 am and stay for 10 long hours when I have SA and depression and hate people with passion.

They make fun of me being emotionless, quiet, "stuck up" sometimes but most of them ****ed off and now I can work in peace, I will probably get fired soon but idc, I did my best every day, didn't waste time, did what i needed to do, stayed late sometimes, and always did most work in that place.
I'm not trying to make myself look good or anything, but only reason why I will be fired is because well im not pretending like them, I do what i need to do, come and leave when I need to and take my check, I dont care about making friends there.
Doesnt matter how hard you work, how much you help company, if you are not social and fake you wont get far in this ****ed up world.


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## Krauser (Aug 11, 2014)

To me nothing beats honestly. Call me what you want, with me you get only the truth. I'm a quiet, introvert and nervous(sadly, the only part that I really want changed) person. And I know that people like myself are easy targets for the normal people, because once you're born a pain in the *** you are a pain in the *** till you get into your grave. And that's what most of society is.

For instance, i'm fine if people fake smiles at me and ask to go to something like a Christmas dinner or whatever. I'll kindly refuse because I don't care about socializing, and my trembling hands don't help as well. But even if they didn't, i'm just not a party person. If they keep asking and then trying to get in my personal life, like I owe them anything, then things end right there. I'm a coward, but I've learned in the last times how to say no and how to say things directly. Nothing more pisses me off than people trying to force someone to be like them. People seem to think because they know your name, you're their friend. I'm no friends with people that can't even respect my choices in life.

I'm not going to get along with many people, certainly will get along with people similar to me but it's a minority, we're the black sheep amongst the millions of normal sheep.


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## OverLife (Nov 18, 2011)

I wish people would try to get to know me. They gave up on me on my first day at work


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

I agree and I am also tired of this social fakery. Some of us are just born different and we cant stomach the bull**** of modern society. However, saying good morning or good bye has always seemed more natural to me then not saying anything.


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