# Why isnt there a dating forum here?



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I mean c'mon this is the only thing we are missing here! Imagine the possibilities hooking up with people here, who otherwise would be too shy to even say where they live. Mabye they would feel safer in a place only people looking for dates or really good friends are. Like to post on the forum you have to be allowed by an Admin. Or a map where members post where you live so you can find people living near you, on the forums not everyone posts where they live but it sucks because you could live minutes away and not even know it!


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## FadeToOne (Jan 27, 2011)

*throws hat in ring*


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Im Down!


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Because this is a support site, not a dating site.

Besides, your profile contains all the usual crap about turn-ons/offs, dating status etc. so I think that pretty much fulfills what you're looking for.


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

We should make a dating thread where people can post a pic, what qualities they are looking for, what qualities they have or I guess whatever info usually is on dating sites. I'm on a dating detox..but I would do it when I'm finished that.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

There's been a few relationships on here so you can probably get a date or relationship out of SAS without it actually being a dating site. I guess you just gotta make a good connection with someone here.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I think a SA dating forum is something I could go for.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

heroin said:


> Because this is a support site, not a dating site.
> 
> Besides, your profile contains all the usual crap about turn-ons/offs, dating status etc. so I think that pretty much fulfills what you're looking for.


Mhmm.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

cause it would be just a bunch of guys in there waiting for girls


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Hypothetically, how bad would it feel if someone who they think they were compatible with on something as personal as SA, rejected them? It could potentially make an issue worse. Also on the flipside, i'm unsure if the SA females would be able to handle all the male attention they would receive...


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## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

_AJ_ said:


> cause it would be just a bunch of guys in there waiting for girls


LOL, they could call it "the sausage fest" thread.

Seriously I'm with Heroin, location, turn ons/offs and dating status are plain for all to see. Some here seem to have found love on SAS but most here won't.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That is not and has never been the intent of this website.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> That is not and has never been the intent of this website.


Why not a Personals? .... I don't see why we can't have one as ... GLBT group has one started up .... That seems a bit bias and I know you don't have a say in it so I am not complaining to ya , but I was just pointing out..


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## tim78 (Nov 2, 2008)

There used to be a socialanixety dating website but it didn't last, probably for the reasons already mentioned. I have been on a couple of websites for people with mental illness like nolongerlonely, and guys outnumber women like 100 to 1. True men at least will get a response, but in the end of the day it winds up being no different from okcupid or match.com


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

It's still possible without a dating section, using PMs and reading the person's profile.

While yes, I think this would be awesome somewhere on the internet, I agree with Mman that this isn't the goal of this site. If it happens, okay, but I think if we made a specific section for it it would MASSIVELY eclipse the support section of the website.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I think there should be someway to find or search for users who live close by (or are close to where your current location is), to be able to get to know each other.

Or come up with a way to 'opt-in' to sharing OKCupid profile addresses or something like that if both people have been here a while.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think dating someone form this site would be awkward considering I've been here so long. Btw, why can't you just PM them and talk to them that way if your so interested?


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## crsohr (Dec 30, 2010)

You would get tons of shady characters who don't even have SA joining here just to hook up with 'vulnerable' women who they think will be easy targets. I believe it would attract the wrong type of people to the site.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

I can't really care for a dating section here, mostly because there are 1 in 50,000 I think chances of me meeting someone from my country, not gonna say even City


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

It would be nice to have some kind of dating-centric area, or at least a separate, connected site devoted to dating (didn't they have something like that a couple years back?). Probably a third of the postings on this site have something to do with dating and sex, so of course it's a preoccupation among members, and it'd be nice to meet someone in our area who goes through similar struggles. However, I understand the objections some have made. 

Why can't we get a good "shy dating" website? Essentially, none exists, because the ones that are around have pitifully few members or are pay sites. You all might want to check out the Geek2Geek dating site, as it's possible that some of the people on that site are on the shy side.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

crsohr said:


> You would get tons of shady characters who don't even have SA joining here just to hook up with 'vulnerable' women who they think will be easy targets. I believe it would attract the wrong type of people to the site.


Who says we don't have that already?


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## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

I think its a great idea, I've met my GF on here and next week we'll be together 7 months. It's been the best 7 months of my life. A lot of the people that don't want it are usually enablers that rather enable your fears than to actually help.


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## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

It doesn't even have to be a dating site or even a sub board here. It could be a single thread. If it was a single thread most people that are just hear for a vulnerable person probably wouldn't even find out about the thread. And plus you could probably weed then out if some new person came along with no post and is suddenly posting in the personals thread. Like I said, I meant my GF here and it's been the best 7 months of my life and most of my past anxiety's have been alleviated because of our relationship. And I think knowing that both of you suffer from social anxiety may help you clear some of those previous hurdles when it came to meeting new people. I really think it's something that should be explored. You guys say this is a support site but part of supporting someone is also helping them get over their issues and I think thats a great way to do so. By saying it's a bad idea you sound more like an enabler than someone that is truly supporting a person to live with or even get over their social anxiety.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Hah, any girls from the Netherlands, aged 19-26 with a preference for Metal/Rocker dudes on here? J/k.

It is, in itself, a great idea in my opinion. Creeps abound on "official" dating sites as well. Such as the 40 something guys messaging girls in their late teens or early twenties. You hear that a lot. I think dating, whether you meet each other on a site or in real life, should be done with care, SA or not.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

rdrr said:


> Who says we don't have that already?


Case and point, ME  Lol

But ahem, really, I guess it would be kind of interesting. I prefer this as a support site though.. I think I'd start to feel awkward if I got messages from people hitting on me. A seperate website for SA dating would be cool though!


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> That is not and has never been the intent of this website.


Agreed. Amen.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

I suggest we place a poll on this topic.


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## hyg (Jun 24, 2011)

_AJ_ said:


> cause it would be just a bunch of guys in there waiting for girls


:haha


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## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

What you could do is make a sub board on here where you have to have a certain amount a post to access that board. Something like that would go a really long way in weeding out leeches looking for one thing. On top of that, a lot of the people here seem like a really tight knit community and I think you guys would do a good job of keeping unsavory characters out. Like I said, I found happiness because of this place. I love my GF more than anything in the world and all the single people here I wish they could meet that someone like I did and I think this would be excellent place to do so. By not doing this I think you're really doing a great disservice to the single community here. Just because you may of accepted the fact you're going to be alone doesn't mean everyone else here is happy about it. Dating and meeting new people is hard enough as it is, Dating and meeting new people while you have social anxiety is damn near impossible.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Nothing is stopping you from forming friendships and relationships on here. Why do you need a dedicated dating subforum for that? I think things are fine the way it is. The people here are much more friendly than on the dating sites. People here are more receptive to socializing and making friends. I think the dating site structure is flawed. Back in high school I'd meet girls all the time on Yahoo Chatrooms. A way better atmosphere than what you'll find on OKCupid and Plentyoffish. I don't know why that is. It just seemed like people were more friendly on the chatrooms and interested in socializing and making friends. I don't get that sense from a OKCupid.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

crsohr said:


> You would get tons of shady characters who don't even have SA joining here just to hook up with 'vulnerable' women who they think will be easy targets. I believe it would attract the wrong type of people to the site.


yes. as someone mentioned before this is probably happening already.


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## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

Anyone who is afraid of the dating section is a ***** Just because you're accepting of the fact you're going to die in your mothers basement doesn't mean everyone else is. Dating is hard enough as it is, it's nearly impossible to date with SA. A few of you sound you're against it because you don't want other people with SA to find happiness and companionship.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

The site is for social anxiety support, not for meeting women. Your comments about us living in our mother's basements til we die and how we are "scared" of a Sas dating thread and how we are *****es, is uncalled for. I don't care about other people's happiness i can't control, only my own. Having a significant other should not be the one and sole thing that will make you happy and cure your SA. You will see how that codependancy works out when you have a break up with someone.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

the women on this site are intimidating


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## Orchid20 (Dec 20, 2008)

My therapist put it well - (on why people on this forum shouldn't date or even meet) - "The fact is, it's a mental illness support forum. Being involved with another mentally ill person, even as a friend, isn't as beneficial to you as befriending someone confident, who initially intimidates you."

The key word is mental illness. Dating each other might just feed the problem. Instead of trying to expand your comfort zone, it's easy to get complacent/co-dependent. This is a support forum, to get help/insight with how to deal with problems affecting our lives. People's problems shouldn't mesh.

Also, think about it this way, if this were a depression forum, would you really want to date another depressed person?

But I know people do meet and date here, and I'm not trying to judge. I even used to think a dating section would make sense until I looked at it this way. Just my opinion.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

adam2551 said:


> i'm sure it already is in some regards, and i think its actually a positive thing, not a negative thing when two people w/ SAS find each other. Its not heroin addiction, i dont think theres co-dependency issues


Exactly.

The viewpoint advocated by Orchid's therapist is extraordinarily depressing to me. I'm almost exclusively interested in girls who are shy, modest and unsocial. That doesn't automatically mean SA, but many who fit those criteria will have it. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.

To me, introversion is an innate characteristic I've learned to accept and embrace; not something to be fought off by hooking up with opposite-minded people. There are enough shy girls who already can't stand their male counterparts that it's really disappointing to hear psychiatrists talking even more girls out of giving us a chance.


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## Orchid20 (Dec 20, 2008)

adam2551 and anomalous - didn't mean to offend you guys.

that's just the advice she gave me. that it wouldn't help _me_ overcome this. and that doesn't necessarily mean she's advocating i go out and try date or befriend obnoxiously extroverted or "opposite-minded" people. she just meant that i can't meet people from this forum. there's plenty of quiet, modest people who don't have SA.

also, co-dependency doesn't have to be about drugs. two people with SA = two people with impaired self-esteem. which means a higher chance of co-dependency and not overcoming anxiety.

doesn't mean it fits everyone. but i think it makes a lot of sense for me at least.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

Orchid20 said:


> My therapist put it well - (on why people on this forum shouldn't date or even meet) - "The fact is, it's a mental illness support forum. Being involved with another mentally ill person, even as a friend, isn't as beneficial to you as befriending someone confident, who initially intimidates you."
> 
> The key word is mental illness. Dating each other might just feed the problem. Instead of trying to expand your comfort zone, it's easy to get complacent/co-dependent. This is a support forum, to get help/insight with how to deal with problems affecting our lives. People's problems shouldn't mesh.
> 
> ...


My therapist thought it was good for me to have friends that understood what I was going through. I am not saying that this should be a dating site. I don't think it should be intended for that.

But one of my good friends has SA and anxiety and we find it easier if we battle things together. Like we both need to learn to swim so we can take the class together and it seems less intimidating. And if one of us has a panic attack or something happens we know what is going on.

We can talk about our thoughts without issues and judgments.

So at least for me, my therapist, thought that one of my good friends having SA was a good thing, since it is a good mutual support.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Orchid20 said:


> adam2551 and anomalous - didn't mean to offend you guys.
> 
> that's just the advice she gave me. that it wouldn't help _me_ overcome this. and that doesn't necessarily mean she's advocating i go out and try date or befriend obnoxiously extroverted or "opposite-minded" people. she just meant that i can't meet people from this forum.


No offense taken. Just expressing my disappointment with therapists who give that advice.



> there's plenty of quiet, modest people who don't have SA.


I hate to nitpick, but I'm not sure I fully agree. It would seem there's a good amount of overlap. At least, there is in my experience. I don't encounter many really quiet, unsocial, and modest people who also seem particularly self-assured. Maybe my conception of SA is a bit too broad and lenient, though.



> also, co-dependency doesn't have to be about drugs. two people with SA = two people with impaired self-esteem. which means a higher chance of co-dependency and not overcoming anxiety.


It all comes down to the light in which you view SA, I suppose. I don't really try to fight it anymore. SA always has been my life, and after 23 years, it's become clear that it always will be. I don't find that hanging out with extroverted, confident friends helps me to overcome my hangups any more than introverted, shy ones. And anxiety aside, I usually prefer the company of the latter.

When it comes to relationships, I'm very much in favor of equality between partners. I'd like a partner who's _roughly_ my equal in a lot of key areas -- socially, intellectually, age, lifestyle, politics/philosophical views, etc. The idea of becoming involved with someone who's "above" me in some facet for the expressed purpose of bettering myself has never appealed to me at all. But I understand not everyone feels the same, and to each his own.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Why isn't there a dating personals here?

Because there is one allowed *ONLY* in the Gay (GLBT) section!!! Duuuuhhhhhh!!!!!

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!

EDIT: * bump-bump it up!*


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

lmao,lets make our own,DATE group lmao,whoever is looking for a date can join


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Because women don't need websites to meet men.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

^ Women need websites to meet other women though. 

Dominicwalli, i'm in! :b


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

well erm,first of all,i dont know how to make a groupO_O,soo any1 that knows..plz make it and pm me about it.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

Funny.. I thought I read support site ha


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

bignate said:


> Funny.. I thought I read support site ha


 lmao,well,being in a relationship means getting support from your partner..and for us the single 1s...a dating section would b nice.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

bignate said:


> Funny.. I thought I read support site ha


I would consider helping people get into an intimate relationship support.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

bwidger85 said:


> Why isn't there a dating personals here?
> 
> Because there is one allowed *ONLY* in the Gay (GLBT) section!!! Duuuuhhhhhh!!!!!
> 
> ...


Nothing stopping you from starting one. The GLBT thread has been around for almost 5 years after someone requested it. I don't think anyone has ever gotten together because of it.


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## FadeToOne (Jan 27, 2011)

Orchid20 said:


> My therapist put it well - (on why people on this forum shouldn't date or even meet) - "The fact is, it's a mental illness support forum. Being involved with another mentally ill person, even as a friend, isn't as beneficial to you as befriending someone confident, who initially intimidates you."
> 
> The key word is mental illness. Dating each other might just feed the problem. Instead of trying to expand your comfort zone, it's easy to get complacent/co-dependent. This is a support forum, to get help/insight with how to deal with problems affecting our lives. People's problems shouldn't mesh.
> 
> ...


I think your therapist should pretty much be arrested for suggesting that SA is a "mental illness".


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

FadeToOne said:


> I think your therapist should pretty much be arrested for suggesting that SA is a "mental illness".


Maybe he meant that it can become a "chronic state of mind", much like a mental illness or something, I dunno.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

FadeToOne said:


> I think your therapist should pretty much be arrested for suggesting that SA is a "mental illness".


therapist fails to make distinction between disorder and illness. common misconception.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Amocholes said:


> Nothing stopping you from starting one. The GLBT thread has been around for almost 5 years after someone requested it. I don't think anyone has ever gotten together because of it.


Yeah, I just noticed it. Personally, I don't really care about having one here so I don't push it. There are other ways beyond a public thread to announce your interested. Honestly, I brought it up because I have seen this thread before asking this question and I thought it wasn't permitted and then I ran across the GLBT thread and I was shocked to see it. This is just me being an...well, you know.....throwing it out there...


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I thought SAS was basically a dating site XD


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

TBH dating sites/forums don't really offer much beyond a location to mingle with singles and cougars. This site provides basically the same thing. It gives people a chance to describe themselves in their personal sections if they so choose and even lets them share their relationship status if they wish to. I think it can be even better on this site just because instead of a dating site where right off the bat people are very judgmental sifting through people who don't fit into their "life plan", you will have a chance to get to know a person (if they are responsive) and see if you two have any genuine connections. Obviously the slow approach that is possible on this site is also negative in the fact that you may think you met someone who is interested in you only to find out a month later they aren't looking for anything, but.... who is to say you only have to talk to one person.


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