# Better off with SA?



## Kita (Feb 24, 2011)

This may not be true for everyone, but it is for me.
I was just thinking...again, that it might not be s bad to have SA. 
Right now all we want is to be accepted by others, we crave the attention we don't receive, and wouldn't even know what to do with it once we have it. We are different, and that in itself is a good thing.
Because I have SA, I do not socialize. Not socializing means less friends, and less friends means less peer pressure. I know that if I had been popular, my life would be so messed up, and I know I would do all the things other people my age do because they have this insane way of thinking that makes them believe they look cool. (They don't!)
I don't go to parties and get drunk and smoke, pee on myself because I can't control my bladder, or vomit publicly. I'd consider that a good thing. A lot of people my age do these things separately or combine them all into what they would call an "exciting night". Not me! No, thank you! 
I'm much more reserved, and I like it that way. 
I'm not condoning SA, because it's a problem that we have to deal with. But I know if I didn't have something holding me back like SA is, I would have been off the wall! So...it's just not always a bad thing. Cheer Up!


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## daniel1989 (Feb 14, 2011)

I find it's really about finding a balance to keep yourself sane. I don't drink,smoke or do drugs either but I do crave attention from others sometimes.


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## Kita (Feb 24, 2011)

We all do, and not just people with SA. People need attention, some of us don't know how to get attention and the others have it and abuse it.


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## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

"Better off with SA", you ask?

Do you mean to ask if you're better off having a_ mental disorder _than not having one?

The question may be moot - I'd hazard as to you having a cognitive impairment, as opposed to any sort of social one.

x


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

^ A few people may really feel better off. The question's not moot. Certain people with disabilities have said similar. I'm sure it exasperates the rest.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I am definitely NOT better off with SA. I have it less now than I have in the last year or so and I am beginning to not miss it - or fear it will come back :afr


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## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> ^ A few people may really feel better off. The question's not moot. Certain people with disabilities have said similar. I'm sure it exasperates the rest.


In the same way a quadriplegic feels better off than being able-bodied? Or the same way a deaf person is grateful for being so because it means they don't have to hear music thumping out of some gangsta's subs at three in the morning and ruining their sleep?

It doesn't exasperate me - rather, it _offends_ me to think that people with some issue other than social anxiety disorder (read: moronic thinking) identify as having the same condition that I do, as if to do so somehow justifies what they do.

Seems there's a few people on here with a cognitive impairment...

x


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

:no


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I'm glad some people feel ok with the SA but for me I am better off without it. I have gained from solitary experiences and grown partially bc of it but it is a mental disorder and it ****ing sucks and makes me panic, how can i enjoy that. i am happier when i am not anxious


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## Kita (Feb 24, 2011)

robtyl said:


> "Better off with SA", you ask?
> 
> Do you mean to ask if you're better off having a_ mental disorder _than not having one?
> 
> ...


There are good and bad things to everything! I was just trying to stay positive. Everyone is too focused on the negative sides of everything and neglect to think about anything positive. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but I'm sure you could find something positive about SA. You're kind of a jerk. You could have easily just disagreed with me rather than insulting me!


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## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

Sorry, sweetheart - but _you're_ the jerk 

From your original post, you insult late teens and young adults as a collective by implying that the only way to avoid obscene behaviour is to possess a mental disorder (because we all know that mentally sound people _all_ get wasted on the weekend and urinate and vomit on themselves, right?) in order to be a loner and avoid peer pressure (and implicit in this itself is that all late teens and young adults would not only engage in such behaviour, but actively pressure you into doing so, too).

You also insult yourself by implying that you have no self-control when you wrote that if you were popular (by this I take it you mean if you didn't suffer from a mental disorder) you would indulge in crude behaviour and conduct yourself as some sort of pathetic individual with no regard for self-worth - that your life would be, as you put it, "messed up" - a pretty bold claim.

It _is_ possible to be mentally sound and conduct your life in a dignified manner; likewise, it _is_ possible to act a little crazy from time to time and still be a rationally functioning person. Delude yourself all you want, but don't justify your shortcomings in life by putting others (or yourself) down. You have a negative attitude towards young people in general, and you have a negative attitude towards yourself. And I don't like negative people.

You say people people neglect to focus on the positive? Practise what you preach.

x


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## Iced (Feb 7, 2011)

Disagree. I have SA. I still drink a lot, I can hold my liquor, and I never make a fool of myself. Better with SA? I assure you I wouldn't be living the life I currently do. The only true benefit I can see from SA is I don't prove to people the true ******* I am. In public I keep my mouth shut. In a social sense, this is a benefit. However I would love to go verbally toe-to-toe with people, SA prevents this. 

And I am not trying to offend in anyway here, but you seem to be living "If I was world". You have no idea what you would or wouldn't be or do if you were "popular". It's great that you live your life from substance abuse and regretting the following days on facebook. SA has a lot of negatives, but as you pointed out, there can be positives for some people. Kudos.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If you can learn from it then yes you are better off but I wouldn't say having it WITHOUT coping skills does much good. If you manage to overcome it like many people have then even better because of experience. I do think once you learn how to manage it and train your mind differently things start working after a while but you also have to be active--doing the whole scientific method approach and prove it to yourself.

Agree or not agree, it really is how you think and react to life that will take you beyond SA. For me it happened with a positive idea about myself, and that grew until I started gaining personal evidence of them and it continued to grow and grow. It is eradicated from my life now because I made a very planned and considerable effort to take it head on and learn from my fears.

Ask any confident person why they are confident and if they are self-aware they'd probably say it's because they don't let their fears control them, and for that they learn from them and gain confidence which carries to other ares of their life. Like joinmartin always says: confidence is a fluid thing, and it really is depending on your coping skills which comes from experience and evidence to prove otherwise. A powerful and truthful thing I learned in life is that fear will always be present but it is your actions to them that are what make all the difference. And for goodness sake, fears do erase with positive thinking and experiences.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

robtyl said:


> In the same way a quadriplegic feels better off than being able-bodied? Or the same way a deaf person is grateful for being so because it means they don't have to hear music thumping out of some gangsta's subs at three in the morning and ruining their sleep?


I was stating facts that are also there for you to investigate yourself if you wish. I was making no claim besides the following: that there are exceptions to the rule that people always feel they are worse off for having a disability. A few disabled people really do feel better off. It's a fact. I'm just relaying information I've found from people who have written about this - autobiographies, blogs, articles. Using your actual examples to provide support to my statements: There is actually a deaf culture that views it as a difference rather than disability. Also, it doesn't matter the level of physical disability - there are always exceptions who feel better off the way they are (e.g., read Stephen Hawking's take on his disability).



robtyl said:


> It doesn't exasperate me - rather, it _offends_ me to think that people with some issue other than social anxiety disorder (read: moronic thinking) identify as having the same condition that I do, as if to do so somehow justifies what they do.
> 
> Seems there's a few people on here with a cognitive impairment...


Please be more specific with your insults because I don't know who you're directing them at. I.e. the OP or me. If you are angered by this issue, then you are exasperated in addition to offended.


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## eh3120 (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't understand why this post has caused the reaction it did. I understand what you mean, sometimes I am thankful that I struggle with SA because I feel like I have learned a lot from it. It's good that you can be happy about but dont settle and feel like you HAVE to live this way all your life.
There are a few things i disagree with I don't like how you generalized people that are outgoing and said they do stupid things. There are more factors that go into that than just being outgoing. But those are your thoughts and just because they arent mine doesnt mean I will attack you for them like some people have.

Anyway, stay positive but remember to be open to change.


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## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> I was stating facts that are also there for you to investigate yourself if you wish. I was making no other claim besides the following: that there are exceptions to the rule that people always feel they are worse off for having a disability. A few disabled people really do feel better off. It's a fact. I'm just relaying information I've found from people who have written about this - autobiographies, blogs, articles. Using your actual examples to provide support to my statements: There is actually a deaf culture that views it as a difference rather than disability. Also, it doesn't matter the level of physical disability - there are always exceptions who feel better off the way they are (e.g., read Stephen Hawking's take on his disability).


I have work tomorrow and it's late, but I couldn't resist to attempt a riposte:


You neglect to acknowledge the difference between those conditions which are remediable and those which are not. Those which are not give rise to a desire to promote tolerance and understanding - essentially, a celebration of difference; and I would agree with you to that limited extent - irreversible disabilities (whether physical or mental) _should_ be viewed as mere difference in the course of promoting a more tolerant society.
Those conditions which _are_ reversible are never able to be 'preferred' states of being - any perceived advantage from a condition of this sort would be merely circumstantial and not grounded in any defensible logic. Peter Singer wrote about this issue (Practical Ethics), where he used the same argument to refute the arguments of parents with Down's Syndrome that they would not conduct an early-term abortion based on _not_ moral/ideological objections, but on an alternate 'sanctity of life' argument refuting the prudence of foetal screening able to identity the Syndrome. Further, no person of rational mind would _choose_ to suffer from a physical disability or mental disorder - if they did, then there would be some faulty logic or distorted perceptions at play. 
On perceptions: They may be said to be reality, but they can be wrong. This is clear in the case of the distorted self-image of a sufferer of anorexia nervosa. No matter the self-justification, mental disorders will always be an affliction on the individual and no qualification can change that. If anything, this would signal some sort of secondary condition that may exist.

I'm not insulting anyone - as I alluded to above, anyone believing a mental disorder to be a _better state of being_ has other problems they need to identify. Any affliction may have neutral (i.e. non-positive) elements - or even positive ones, for that matter - but these are isolated at best. I think, if anything, I feel insulted; I take having SAD very seriously and recognise it for the disorder it is. I find it offensive to think that some would attempt to portray it as some sort of positive/better state of being and attempt to delegitimise the efforts of those who struggle to overcome it.

I'm definitely not exasperated, nor am I angered. I haven't yet broken out into a cold sweat and my hands are far from trembling. I just take the time to post these replies because I'm sick and I have too much time on my hands. And cos I'm the illest e-thug out there.

Betta recognise biatcHHHHHHHHH

x


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

robtyl said:


> You neglect to acknowledge the difference between those conditions which are remediable and those which are not.


My only interest was in stating there are exceptions to the rule that people with disabilities feel worse off. _Nothing more._ Therefore I neglected nothing such as the above since it's beside my point. You seem to have read a lot into my writing that wasn't there. I'll make this clearer:

I was not interested in discussing their reasons, or whether they are misguided, only in pointing out the fact these people exist.

And you were using language in your previous post generally considered insulting (e.g. "moronic").


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## theraven (Feb 27, 2011)

You know that's what I thought too. Since I am a loner I have a very high gpa since I actually study on the weekends while others go out to party til 3 AM.


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## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> I was not interested in discussing their reasons, or whether they are misguided, only in pointing out the fact these people exist.


Stating truisms is utterly redundant. In a thread discussing the tragedy of Hitler's rise to power, posting a reply that some people saw this event as a positive thing doesn't really benefit the discussion, does it?

So to deal with said truistic post, I could have either invalidated its utility (as I did), or ignored it (which would have prevented us hijacking this thread).

Then again, I don't think I care much that this thread was taken over: On a forum where threads are sterilised to ensure the sensibilities of members are not offended (where those of a hypothetical twelve year-old are used as a standard), it would be far more beneficial for all for a thread like this to be locked and blasted into electron oblivion.

I'm not a parent - but if I were, I know I would much rather my children be exposed to the occasional swear word or _correct_ anatomical reference (which would actually function as educative, if nothing else), than view and read the utter filth posted by people such as the OP who advocate acceptance (and celebration) of a debilitating and severely limiting mental disorder. My children would deserve better.

x


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

robtyl said:


> Stating truisms is utterly redundant.


Not when you seemed to be denying that such people, particularly with severe disabilities, existed, who feel better off being that way (please refer to your first 3 posts in this thread). Also, regardless of topic derailment, I think it turned out to be useful to point this out and provide a couple of examples for readers who might not have known about it.


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## Infexxion (Jun 29, 2009)

Hmm, well that's a very optimistic viewpoint, one I can't deny having myself. Sometimes I wonder if, since I have SA, I should just embrace all the things I do because of it, rather than focus on the things I can't do. I over-analyze things like conversations and social interactions too much, but this has also carried over to other aspects of my life and I have actually benefited from it.


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## Paris23 (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm certainly not better-off with SA! In fact, I don't want this. Just wanna get out. Thanks.


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## Jennifer Clayton (Nov 19, 2010)

I don't want it at all. I feel like I can't socialize, it makes me miserable, it freaking sucks. 100%, I am better off without it. ):

But at the same time, it does teach you things. It teaches you not to follow the crowd so much, not get caught up in so much peer pressure and drugs and craziness that a lot of people do. It teaches us to reflect, become better and deeper thinkers, and teaches us the strength of solitude.

But still, I would give anything to be able to socialize without freaking out. It's just too crazy, too inhibiting to have. I like some of the things that come from it, but being uncomfortable and never feeling like I belong and always feeling lonely and empty? No thanks.


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