# Shyness at work



## wissawolfy (Aug 17, 2011)

So yep I'm back again...why?
Because I have a new job at a veterinary hospital. I've been there since the end of september and I've grown to now hate it. I've realized that I am very shy there and it's getting me down. I feel isolated because they work such long hours that they have to socialize with each other, some even live with each other and I just can't fit in with my shyness. The other practice I'm at was the same, the vet noticed I was shy but was still nice. 

It's making me feel depressed and extremely lonely and I want out asap. As much as I enjoy caring for patients I feel I can't be somewhere where I'm passing negative energy to them. But if I quit then I'm out of pocket and back to square one. So I'm just stuck.
I don't know if any of you guys are experiencing the same? I just know they think I'm socially awkward. And whenever I do speak up, I think they look kind of shocked lol. :/


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

wissawolfy said:


> So yep I'm back again...why?
> Because I have a new job at a veterinary hospital. I've been there since the end of september and I've grown to now hate it. I've realized that I am very shy there and it's getting me down. I feel isolated because they work such long hours that they have to socialize with each other, some even live with each other and I just can't fit in with my shyness. The other practice I'm at was the same, the vet noticed I was shy but was still nice.
> 
> It's making me feel depressed and extremely lonely and I want out asap. As much as I enjoy caring for patients I feel I can't be somewhere where I'm passing negative energy to them. But if I quit then I'm out of pocket and back to square one. So I'm just stuck.
> I don't know if any of you guys are experiencing the same? I just know they think I'm socially awkward. And whenever I do speak up, I think they look kind of shocked lol. :/


Hey, your really not alone with those feelings, myself and I bet others feel a lot of the things you mention. I bet your dreading tomorrow.

You care about the patients and that's great. I think if you can focus your thought and effort into doing a great job, you'll not worry as much about them, they will also see how capable you are. You will feel better about yourself.

I am also worrying about quitting my job and having to start again. It means I can't move out and i'll feel really bad about self.

Congratulations on the new job by the way.

Anyway, I hope your feeling better today.


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## Sunhawk (Oct 3, 2013)

I'm in the same position as you. I work as a janitor and I recently switched to a different district where I have to meet co-workers all the time. On my previous district, I could skip lunch and only have to meet my boss when I had to call for clean mops.

My only option is to get used to it. And if it gets too difficult, then I'll have to get on medication. I can't go back.

Stay strong and remember that you're not alone.


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## Paloma55 (Dec 12, 2013)

Please give it time. I think starting over is even harder. There will always be challenges in meeting new people. I'm just now getting comfortable in my job after 1.5 years. In the beginning I used to eat lunch in my car but now I'm able to eat with my co-workers. I do take medication and it has been very helpful. Hoping things will get better for you.


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## dkarazhov (Dec 2, 2013)

The trick is to stick with it. Whatever you do - anxiety will make it difficult for you and will make you feel like things cannot be any worse. The feeling that "they think I'm weird" is always exaggerated 10 fold if you have SA. People don't dislike us as much as we think they do, and they don't notice our fears as much as we think. It is difficult to believe this right now, but we are doing better than we think, and we do not have such a negative effect on others as we picture it.

For now focus on searching for treatments (I'm not talking about meds - they cannot make permanent and profound changes), and then slowly, one little step at a time, start on those techniques and treatments. With time little will start shining and you will start realising that no one has ever disliked you or condemned you. 

Best wishes!


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## dkarazhov (Dec 2, 2013)

wissawolfy said:


> So yep I'm back again...why?
> Because I have a new job at a veterinary hospital. I've been there since the end of september and I've grown to now hate it. I've realized that I am very shy there and it's getting me down. I feel isolated because they work such long hours that they have to socialize with each other, some even live with each other and I just can't fit in with my shyness. The other practice I'm at was the same, the vet noticed I was shy but was still nice.
> 
> It's making me feel depressed and extremely lonely and I want out asap. As much as I enjoy caring for patients I feel I can't be somewhere where I'm passing negative energy to them. But if I quit then I'm out of pocket and back to square one. So I'm just stuck.
> I don't know if any of you guys are experiencing the same? I just know they think I'm socially awkward. And whenever I do speak up, I think they look kind of shocked lol. :/


I also just realised you are from Essex. I used to live in Haverhill, which is in the crossing of Cambridgeshire, Essex and Suffolk.

I hope things will start getting better for you. Ask for help if needed.


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## Paloma55 (Dec 12, 2013)

[QUOTEThe feeling that "they think I'm weird" is always exaggerated 10 fold if you have SA. People don't dislike us as much as we think they do, and they don't notice our fears as much as we think. It is difficult to believe this right now, but we are doing better than we think, and we do not have such a negative effect on others as we picture it.[/QUOTE]

This is so true! What an important message. I had significant anxiety and panic at work this year but my annual review described me as "calm."


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## Melodies0fLife (Sep 17, 2012)

The initial shyness and feelings of isolation will fade over time!! Keep at it and don't give up. I've been there so many times. If you're like me, you'll open up to people eventually after you start feeling more comfortable around them. I used to be the same at my current job; everyone was so shocked when I started speaking up and it used to annoy the heck out of me. Now I'm very friendly to everyone at my work place and am starting to show my true colors; was even placed as a lead for a project. I realize, people don't think badly of you at all. They just don't know you well enough so they might make a few initial assumptions but don't let that get you down; assumptions are never set in stone. Best way to tackle this problem is to start to become more comfortable in your own skin because if you are not, people will sense that and it kinda makes them awkward too. My advice is to take baby steps towards mindful socializing and getting more comfortable with your co-workers. So ask them lots of questions about their day; get them to talk; listen attentively; make comments about how you're feeling; make comments about the work/job, etc. Small talks, jokes and laughs helps a lot... Even better, the dreaded break room/lunch room; make yourself available for conversation no matter how uncomfortable it is... Just be where you can speak to other people casually and that's how people get to know you better and include you as "one of them." If that makes sense...


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## wissawolfy (Aug 17, 2011)

Yesterday wasn't so bad I tried really hard to talk to everyone, it was exhausting at the end of the day. It's quite hard when a lot of these people don't talk to me first. Im starting to wonder do they have SA? lol..
but my problem is because my head goes blank when it comes to conversation a lot because i'm anxious..then i dont know what to say :/ then later i think what i could of said, its so frustrating!


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## wissawolfy (Aug 17, 2011)

& thanks for all your replies i will keep re-reading over them, thanks guys <3 youre lovely.


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## wissawolfy (Aug 17, 2011)

Melodies0fLife said:


> The initial shyness and feelings of isolation will fade over time!! Keep at it and don't give up. I've been there so many times. If you're like me, you'll open up to people eventually after you start feeling more comfortable around them. I used to be the same at my current job; everyone was so shocked when I started speaking up and it used to annoy the heck out of me. Now I'm very friendly to everyone at my work place and am starting to show my true colors; was even placed as a lead for a project. I realize, people don't think badly of you at all. They just don't know you well enough so they might make a few initial assumptions but don't let that get you down; assumptions are never set in stone. Best way to tackle this problem is to start to become more comfortable in your own skin because if you are not, people will sense that and it kinda makes them awkward too. My advice is to take baby steps towards mindful socializing and getting more comfortable with your co-workers. So ask them lots of questions about their day; get them to talk; listen attentively; make comments about how you're feeling; make comments about the work/job, etc. Small talks, jokes and laughs helps a lot... Even better, the dreaded break room/lunch room; make yourself available for conversation no matter how uncomfortable it is... Just be where you can speak to other people casually and that's how people get to know you better and include you as "one of them." If that makes sense...


like i said my head goes blank a lot because im so anxious, but i am trying yesterday was better for me talking. im just desperate to make proper friends but i guess it is too soon i just hope we do and we have each other on facebook etc n text etc. :/


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## Chil (Jun 18, 2012)

wissawolfy said:


> but my problem is because my head goes blank when it comes to conversation a lot because i'm anxious..then i dont know what to say :/ then later i think what i could of said, its so frustrating!


This is exactly how I feel, when someone talks to me I usually just say a jumble of words that don't make sense, then when they walk away I have the reply in my head. I feel like I'm behind in alot of things, like wanting to make friends and be friendly with people at work, don't beat yourself up about it, I just tell myself everyone has their own fears. Chin up


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