# Does SA get better or worse with age, or is age completely unrelated?



## Banana Cream (Aug 22, 2010)

Whether you consider yourself old or not, I don't mind. Do you have an opinion about Social Anxiety and age? 

In grade school I was shy around some, but usually had friends that I could be just the reverse. And there was always many kinds of people to choose to spend time with. 

Now I have moved, gone back to school, but spend most my hours out of school alone or with family. Of course, I can write or chat with old friends online, but it's not the same. Making new friends later, especially when you are reevaluating your life and earlier choices?


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

For me, I started life totally petrified of everything and tried to act mute through school. Over the years I've gradually improved to the point where I'm reasonably functional in life and at least have online friends. It seems things get steadily better with time, though at a very frustratingly slow rate.

I couldn't say whether making friends offline gets easier or harder, since I never made one... but it's fair to say I have less opportunities to squander now that I'm not in school and don't meet people.

Of course, everyone's SA experiences are different and I doubt there's a clear trend.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

For me, it's gotten better. I've found it more difficult to resist bitterness and cynicism, though!


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I think it gets better, but only because you become bitter/jaded/completely insane and stop giving a ****.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

CeilingStarer said:


> I think it gets better, but only because you become bitter/jaded/completely insane and stop giving a ****.


:lol Precisely! You stop giving a ****!


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

For me I think it hasn't really changed, I've been this way since I was a teenager.


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## sadeyes (Aug 22, 2010)

Each phase in my life added new relationships which added new anxieties. My only coping method was avoiding. So, eventually I was avoiding more and more of my life. 

I don't think it's age that causes less or more anxiety. I think once you know you have social anxiety, you can start to seek help. I think knowing you have this condition is the starting point, no matter what age you are.

For us older people (I don't like to consider myself old, but probably on this site I'm ancient  ), we didn't have all the information when we were high school or college age, so we coped with it. 

I don't even think the "school counselors" knew what it was. Nowadays, most kids know what ADHD, ADD, OCD, SAD, ect are (it seems very common, maybe too common). I remember when I was in high school (maybe junior year) I was almost having a nervous breakdown. I didn't have anyone (I thought) to really talk to. My mom was overbearing, very critical (she wanted the best for me, but it's hard to be perfect as a kid). I went to the school counselor in tears. I didn't know what I was feeling, didn't know why I needed to talk, but I did. It was hard for me to even go talk to him. Anyway, I told him specifically, do not tell my mom. I look back now, and realize my mom had anxiety, too. She didn't want anyone knowing about our business. Well, that night my mom gets a phone call from the counselor. The rest is history. I could not trust any one in authority. I should have gotten help then. But didn't, and I went through the rest of my life...coping.

I found ways to minimize my anxiety, which unfortunately didn't resolve my anxiety, just masked it, kept me from facing my fears. And as I got older, my thought patterns got stuck in a way that was harder to change.

If you are younger, and know you have social anxiety, you have a head start to change your thought patterns.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I think SA is unrelated to age, and totally related to giving a f^*k.


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## ktbare (Sep 13, 2009)

Its not because I'm older its gotten a bit better in recent times, more the fact that too much has happened to me, I've lost too much and I just don't care anymore.


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## Chairman Dan (Jul 20, 2010)

I can relate. My social anxiety actually developed well into adulthood. Shyness has been prominent in my life as far back as i can remember, however i only began experiencing the scourge of SA at age 21 after a series of traumatic events. Prior to that period, i enjoyed a generally happy, anxiety-free existence, in that i always had friends (even though i was never the most popular kid) and little trouble socializing all throughout school. But that gradually changed in college as i drifted away from some friends, fell-out with others, eventually culminating in my complete social isolation. The feeling is very surreal when i reflect on my years before SA. It's as if i was an entirely different person, living in a completely different lifetime. Fortunately, i have a very supportive family and one good friend who has been there for me unconditionally.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

It has gotten better for me. Not a lot better, but enough that I notice and feel some relief. I have tough symptoms occasionally now, and they remind me of how heavy this SA thing used to be when my symptoms were more frequent and often paralyzing.

That relief is dampened by two things, though. One is that the "soft" choices I've made, mainly staying too long in a bad marriage and still working at something that doesn't really satisfy me, is catching up with me. Everybody my age has some woulda, coulda, shoulda moments, but I can't help but think I really really shoulda done some things differently. Took the easy way out.

Then there's a quirk with my SA. When I understand the *role* I'm playing, I don't have symptoms, or they're very mild. When I'm at work I can run meetings, participate in discussions, and seem to flourish. Then somenone asks me to lunch, and I stammer some weak excuse and hide in my office. The work stuff makes sense to me; the purely social doesn't.

As my kids get older my *role* with them changes. My son is nearly 30, and I'm not quite sure how to be the father of a 30 yr old. I can parent a child or an adolescent where the lines are clear (to me) with relative ease, but an adult, not so much. My daughters are 19 and 16, so this therapy **** needs to start working real soon


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

Neptunus said:


> :lol Precisely! You stop giving a ****!


Same for me. Sometimes I get too bored with being quiet. I've had SA since I can remember and I think I've made a lot of progress since then, when I was too embarrassed to ask someone to pass the salt shaker. I still have really bad SA "flare-ups" now and then, though.

I think it depends on the situation, too. Some people's SA seems to really take hold after a traumatic event. If something like that happens to you later in life, age doesn't matter.


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## lyricalillusions (Nov 29, 2008)

I would say that, for the most part, age has nothing to do with it. Though a lot of people do get better after they are out of their teens. Some people, however, do not get better, & instead, get worse with age, like myself. It really depends on the duration of the social anxiety. A person who has had it for nearly their entire lives is much less likely to outgrow it with age, but a person who suddenly develops it around the beginning of adolescence is much more likely to outgrow it at the end of adolescence.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

My SA is about the same, but my depression is a lot worse.


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## ASAR (Sep 14, 2010)

for me in 3 years of my sa last year started to be much beter ..so i must say its getting better:yes


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I'm pretty much the same as sadeyes. The thing is there's all kinds of people. When meeting new people I don't know what to expect. Mainly whether my lack of social skills will be tolerated , overlooked or judged and condemned whether at the first few minutes of meeting someone or later down the road.

I noticed I would try to say something at my age (mid-thirties) when in a conversation, rather than a time I didn't want to say anything at all and tried to leave a conversation. (worst being age 15-22). So maybe a little improvement over the years.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I think age has simply made me rise to the realities that have faced me. As a child through my early twenties, I had parents I could rely on for certain things. Now I have only myself. When I had to figure out a way to keep a roof over my head and feed myself I simply developed new survival skills, most of them social. A big shift has been from intense anxiety to intense depression -- which often leads to those 'I don't give a **** moments'. The biggest issue I face now is relating to a peer group that has lived a 'normal' social life for the last 30 years. In some ways I've mastered the art of socializing, and people tend to enjoy being around me. But I'm still full of shame from my SAD, and have a deep-rooted self-hatred.


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## honeybear1990 (Sep 15, 2010)

Age doesn't matter. If you let every year go by doing nothing to improve your situation, you will be no better as the years go by. However, if you do put effort into improvement, you will get better.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

it got worse for me as i became a teenager, then it gradually improved but it still pretty bad. you do stop caring as you get older i've found, but at the same time after college i became a lot mroe withdrawn.


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## caroleas (Dec 14, 2009)

It's getting worse with me. Sometimes, I literally have nothing to contribute to a conversation and feel really inadequate. Lots of self-esteem issues here. I imagine that I am being judged all the time. I feel people are not as friendly toward me or that they don't want to talk to me. This can be quite painful.


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## caroleas (Dec 14, 2009)

I had to overcome major anxiety to write the above post. My heart is still beating fast.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> I had to overcome major anxiety to write the above post. My heart is still beating fast.


Job well done.


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

It is still the same. I am 42
Presently I am trying to minimize the sense of a missed life.
Also I am trying to gain a sense of acceptance of my situation.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> I think once you know you have social anxiety, you can start to seek help. I think knowing you have this condition is the starting point, no matter what age you are.For us older people (I don't like to consider myself old, but probably on this site I'm ancient  ), we didn't have all the information when we were high school or college age, so we coped with it. I don't even think the "school counselors" knew what it was. Nowadays, most kids know what ADHD, ADD, OCD, SAD, ect are (it seems very common, maybe too common). I remember when I was in high school (maybe junior year) I was almost having a nervous breakdown. I didn't have anyone (I thought) to really talk to. My mom was overbearing, very critical (she wanted the best for me, but it's hard to be perfect as a kid). I went to the school counselor in tears. I didn't know what I was feeling, didn't know why I needed to talk, but I did. It was hard for me to even go talk to him. Anyway, I told him specifically, do not tell my mom. I look back now, and realize my mom had anxiety, too. She didn't want anyone knowing about our business. Well, that night my mom gets a phone call from the counselor. The rest is history. I could not trust any one in authority. I should have gotten help then. But didn't, and I went through the rest of my life...coping.I found ways to minimize my anxiety, which unfortunately didn't resolve my anxiety, just masked it, kept me from facing my fears. And as I got older, my thought patterns got stuck in a way that was harder to change.If you are younger, and know you have social anxiety, you have a head start to change your thought patterns.


I agree with a lot of what you have said. I didn't have panic attacks till I was a senior in high school. Then everything just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember how difficult it was just walking for orientation at the new high school I went to. My legs got wobbly lol. I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time. When I found out that other people had what I had it was a major relief. I know that sounds cruel but of course it isn't meant in a cruel way. I gradually grew out of that psychological problem. I used to cut my own hair and when this girl moved away who I had a crush on I went straight to the barber :lol. And this was a major problem with me since my neck muscles would tense up when I was nervous and give me mini turrets. I haven't had a problem getting a haircut ever since. I've never been long without a job. And just about all the stuff that made me nervous in the past doesn't anymore. Well, one thing still gets me a little panicky and that's when I have to speak in front of everybody or what have you. But that's about it. So yes, in my case it has gotten much easier with age. Plus, like others have said, you don't care as much what other people think when you get older.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I did see therapists when I was younger. Unfortunately they were a bunch of quacks and just wanted money. One even said it was ok my parents helped pay for therapy because I didn't have a good childhood, and at the end after many sessions told me I didn't want to improve out of fear to be "honest". She could have told me that in the beginning. But when I had a crisis she wanted to see me more. 

One guy closer to my age wants to hang with me more. But I'm scared. The guy's becoming a bum. He did not even wash when I drove him around and it stunk my car for 10 days! He lost his house due to foreclosure and has been on govt checks for almost a year. I fixed up his computer for free and that's the only thing I'm useful to him for. He talks to everybody seems to have contacts and friends and a new girlfriend like every couple of months. So he's cool socially and has no SA. Most people treat me rude and see me as awkward as best because of my SA. I don't get it.


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## littlemisshy (Aug 10, 2010)

For me it is 'less controlling' of my life now than in my 20's. I feel I can cope with it better now even though it is still part of me. I drank and took meds to block out the SA when I was younger, now I just face it head on.


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

Worse, definitely worse - the attitudes and reactions and thought patterns that define SA in my case only became more entrenched with age. Once I became aware of them and consciously tried to overcome they sort of stilled...I suppose. But that's been the case for over a year, I really haven't made any progress in reducing them. :/


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## Eugenie (Feb 17, 2009)

My mum talks a lot about losing confidence and worsening anxiety as she gets older (she's in her 60s). Depressing. I want to get better, not worse


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

It definitely got worse for me...

Age 15-24, school, studying and the handful of friends I had kept me sane and I was able to feel good about myself and life for most of the time. 

Now with nothing to do and no friends, IT JUST SUCKS. :mum


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I doubt there is really any pattern to it. It effects everyone so differently that age may or may not have any bearing on the severity of it at all.

I know for me it has improved as a result of greater exposure to "adult life" stuff and not really having any option but to face those fears to achieve what I want in life.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

It's way worse when you get older...I think I put myself into isolation at about 23. I gave up at that age, realizing i'm incapable of talking to people and most likely never will be able to properly. Which leaves me friendless/girlfriendless lonely,depressed and most of all hopeless. End Rant...


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## chocoholic (Oct 12, 2010)

*sick of feeling low*

Hi,
just new to this but sadly not new to sa and depression,its been part of my life for nearly 20 yrs-i rem when i was a teenager and always making excuses not to go out with friends-i thought i was just shy/lazy but deep down knew all wasnt right.
when doctor analysed me as having sa and depression at least i could put a name to it-sadly no cure-feel as if my lifes going nowhere and its not going to get better...sooo sick and tired-just feel as if my lifes going round in circles and i dont know what to do-back on the citalopram-nausea and apetite going-hope to feel bit better soon. Does anyone know whether sa/depression can be cured for good,or is it always going to be here?:afr
Any advice?


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## sash (Nov 16, 2009)

For me, it's up and down like a roller coaster.


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## MurkyLizard (Oct 14, 2010)

I guess depends on meaning of worse, My social anxiety is actually better than college (i was pretty messed up back then). Back in college was constantly being forced into uncomfortable social situations triggering anxiety. Now just by myself with no friends and lonely so less anxiety.


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## dazeerae (Apr 29, 2006)

My social anxiety ebbs and flows, along with depression, anxiety, and insecurities. I can't say that it is better or worse with age. 

In some ways, it can be better because you stop caring as much what others think as you get older. In other ways, the SA is worse because you just put up a wall that just keeps getting higher and further isolates you.


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## cwpc (Oct 18, 2008)

Mine feels like its been getting worse of the past year . I am become depressed , moody and get anxious just about everytime I leave the house . I am a sweaty mess around people !


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## natureiscalming (Oct 24, 2010)

When I was younger I actually looked forward to getting older, assuming I'd gain confidence with age. That somehow I'd magically transform. That never happened and my anxiety has gotten worse.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

Teen years and college were the worst, definitely. Just having so many people to compare myself to. Who were "all" having fun and being in relationships or having flings.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

I think my SA has gotten worse with age. Now that I'm almost 31 and out of school I don't have to be around people. I can't keep a steady job so there's even less interaction with others. I spend my time alone mostly, and if I have to run errands, I avoid people...I use the ATM instead of going inside the bank, I use the automated self checkout at the grocery store. Besides my husband and occasional family interactions, I see a therapist. That's it.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Its complicated. Better in some ways, worse in others. Knowing how unlikely it is that relationships are going to work out for me made me stop trying to date. Also when your young people mostly judge you on your potential but after a certain age all people care about is your current job, which sucks for me. I think my SA has declined, I am more able to do things. But I don't try to do things because of such a long history of social failure. And people judge me worse than they did when I was young and they at least gave me credit for potential.


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## Soidog (Nov 11, 2010)

It's exactly the same, and I'm 52. I'm the same person who, forty years ago, used to throw my lunch away at school because I was too anxious to go to the lunch room. 

Now, when everyone is going for lunch I come up with some excuse, or just say I'm going and not show up.


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

me too. I am 42. I still feel the same.

When I was young, I was terrified of play time.
Now I am terrified of meetings at work.


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## nsfellow (Nov 19, 2009)

*Ongoing*

I can relate to much of what has been said on this thread. SA seems to go up and down for me these days. It does seem to be highly dependent on the effort I put into 'getting out and about'. Just getting older has not been a cure at all. Putting myself in social situations - even when that's the last thing I feel like doing - really does help, for me. Tho', to be precise, the situations where I can survive are usually quite structured [eg fitness classes] where I know what is expected, my role, etc. That sounds really artificial I realize but, for me, is far better than pure isolation. If I look back 20 years, there has been a huge change for the better. I am still the odd duck in the pond but am at least paddling around and occasionally bumping into others [in a good way]. A major change has been the development of the ability to see/recognize how different people are - it used to just be a huge mass of them vs me. Sorry this is such a rambling a post.


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## Syncsolo (Oct 26, 2010)

For me it has got better in regards to talking to people and not being being perceived as such a walk-over, by how quiet and meek I came across. 

But on the whole I feel worse, because my life isn't really any better compared to my teens or 20s. At least I had a few friends back then, they have moved away and have girlfriends/wives/kids now. I have no job now either, let alone a well paid career like most 30 something men have. 

I even got a few dates and passionate kisses in my 20s, no way that's happening now in the position I'm in at this age. Hopefully the young'uns on here get over SA asap, or they may end up as big a loser as me.


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## Danjo (Sep 26, 2010)

I'm at my lowest point right now at 35. I moved in with my father a few years ago and I currently have no job and have only left the house a few times this year. I've also had an alcohol problem since I was about 17. So for me, things have gotten much worse as I get older.


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## Enola (Dec 13, 2008)

For me it has gotten worse. I felt like I was much more able to socialize when I was younger. I was also happier and more hopeful. It almost seems like the bad experiences in my life have made me start to withdraw more and more. While I work full time I don't have much of a life outside of that and always feel very anxious there even though I have known some of the people for a very long time.


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## marianatea (Nov 15, 2010)

nsfellow said:


> Tho', to be precise, the situations where I can survive are usually quite structured [eg fitness classes] where I know what is expected, my role, etc. That sounds really artificial I realize but, for me, is far better than pure isolation. If I look back 20 years, there has been a huge change for the better. I am still the odd duck in the pond but am at least paddling around and occasionally bumping into others [in a good way].


I totally agree with you on this one. I seem to have memorized the script for most mundane or formal interactions and these go ok--it's when somebody starts joking around or trying to have fun that I freeze up, blush, stammer, all that fun stuff. You put a nice, hopeful spin on it, though--I'll try to keep the duck image in mind!


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## ghosts_of_never (Aug 6, 2008)

For me significantly better, though a lot of that may just be due to change in life circumstances. (far less stressful, anxiety provoking life now) But I'm only in my 20s and just comparing to as a teen. Even though my social life was actually better back then.


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## brenda78 (Oct 23, 2010)

natureiscalming said:


> When I was younger I actually looked forward to getting older, assuming I'd gain confidence with age. That somehow I'd magically transform. That never happened and my anxiety has gotten worse.


I was the same way. I gave myself until age 22, that was my magic number. I still don't know why I chose that age, but I was only in the 5th grade


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## camtrol (Sep 29, 2010)

I don't think age makes any difference at all, i still have it at 45 but i can do more now than i could before so it's become different, but not cured.


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## sqwaaaz (Sep 13, 2010)

It gets "better" if you work on it, but in the end it doesn't really matter because when you solve one thing the next problem comes up.

For example, I used to be scared ****less of going into a store. I (mostly) solved that problem. But recently a new problem has arisen, where I work they want me to be more like a projectleader, more social, give presentations and all that crap. Different problem, same fears.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

sqwaaaz said:


> It gets "better" if you work on it, but in the end it doesn't really matter because when you solve one thing the next problem comes up.
> 
> For example, I used to be scared ****less of going into a store. I (mostly) solved that problem. But recently a new problem has arisen, where I work they want me to be more like a projectleader, more social, give presentations and all that crap. Different problem, same fears.


Actually, your confidence builds even though the process doesn't end. Yes, you can go to the store with ease, but that doesn't go away when the next "problem" appears. As you get better, you can go to more places without anxiety. The only time "regression" appears is when we dwell in old thinking patterns.


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## power2theweak (Jan 2, 2009)

The more I do outside my comfort zone, the bigger my comfort zone has become. So, it has gotten better.


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## antonina (Oct 25, 2008)

My experience is that it can go back and forth depending on the stress you are under.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

antonina said:


> My experience is that it can go back and forth depending on the stress you are under.


Definitely. I've been under a lot of stress of late, and am worse than ever. A year or so ago, I felt I'd at least progressed somewhat.

It's an awkward stage now where all the reunions are hitting, weddings are coming... lots of burned bridges that I have to face, pressures to get a career before it's 'too late.' I'm almost hyperventilating just typing this.


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## Dan208 (Dec 22, 2010)

I've always been shy and I though things would get better with age. But now, at 31, things are worse than ever. I can sometimes cope when I have to, but usually my SA gets so out of control I feel like I'm going to vomit, pass out, etc.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

I think my SA has definitely gotten better with age, as a child, I was very shy and was afraid most of the time to go outside and play when certain children were outside. Fortunately, I had friends at school. As I got older, I became less socially anxious and I worked on it, I joined Toastmasters, read books, went to therapy (individual and group) and it has gotten better, although I have alot more work to do.


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## wasteddays (Jan 2, 2011)

I'm seeing signs of it worsening. Perhaps it's just changing. I dunno.


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## Slogger (Dec 14, 2010)

I think it can seem worse because in your late 40s you start evaluating your life and your contrubutions to society, which can be disappointing and depressing. Lately, I've been thinking about how everyone --great scientists, artists, musicians, humanitarians, engineers, etc.-- everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. What have I done with mine? Well...um...

On the up side, it's a pretty darned big universe, and this little life must somehow be as significant or as insignificant as all the others. We dig a deeper hole when we compare ourselves to others or to what we think we should be.


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## RockIt (Jan 8, 2011)

The older I get, the more inspired I am that I will beat SA. I look back at times in my life and think that I didn't try my best to battle this. Now, as time goes by, I have begun to realize that I don't have an indefinite timeline to win the fight. I'm a good guy, a great friend, and a wonderful dad that the world is not getting to know because of my SA. And, that just sucks.

Plus, those of us who are parents just don't want this to affect our children's lives. For us that can serve as inspiration and the motivating factor to give this disorder a lesser power over us than it had previously. It is one thing if it solely affects my life, but when the kids became involved it became more of a priority to smash this thing and good.


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

When I was younger I had more energy and I used it to fight my SAD, now I realise that that was the wrong thing to do and my SAD is worse, so I would say that over time if left untreated it does get worse.

The bigest problem I have found with getting older is that it is much harder to make friends and find relationships.


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

Definatetly, the older you get the worse it gets because you lose motivation to get better and feel hopelessness. Speaking from personal experience.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

angus said:


> When I was younger I had more energy and I used it to fight my SAD, now I realise that that was the wrong thing to do and my SAD is worse, so I would say that over time if left untreated it does get worse.
> 
> The bigest problem I have found with getting older is that it is much harder to make friends and find relationships.


Now that is true, I have found though that when I dealt with SA in my 20's, I think it was much worse than it is now to deal with it. My job in my 20's made it hard to deal with others on the job, in my 30's the people on the job I began to know much better and now in my 40's, I am doing much better than I ever have dealing with SA, I still have good and bad days but it is much better to deal with because I am making more effort to do things for others and I try not to think about how I feel so much but how the other person feels.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

Mine primarily depends on environment. Right now I don't have it at all. But when I start work in a few weeks/months, it will skyrocket.


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## pumpkinspice (Aug 8, 2010)

lonesomeboy said:


> Definatetly, the older you get the worse it gets because you lose motivation to get better and feel hopelessness. Speaking from personal experience.


^This is true for me also. I'm lacking the motivation and care to even try to attempt to fix my problems with depression and anxiety.


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## RockIt (Jan 8, 2011)

You guys can do this. Never give up hope. You are worth it.


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## metamorphosis (Dec 18, 2008)

*!!*

if you believe in the allopathic reasoning; Than yes it progresses. Any disease will progress unless
1- Medication and living well has removed alot of issues in the red issue!!!!!!
2-Life: ENJOY LAUGH LOVE LIVE AND CRYY!!!!!!
Our life and the tender tress, the loving angles of the wheat grass as wind/snow slams and laevse us in!!! inside!!!!


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## lillyrose (Feb 6, 2011)

It got a lot worse when my kids grew up recently and I had to focus on myself more.... but it forces me to do stuff about it more than I would have before I was so focused on them.. although I have had it since I can remember.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

Mine was worst in childhood and has improved markedly with age.


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## Abigale33 (Jan 25, 2012)

*Shyness is Ageless*

Conversations with the norms still pain me. What does one reply to, "How are you? You look so sad!" Or, what's even worse: pick up lines! Ugh! How nauseating! But, I'm so flipping polite! I just wish I could muster enough strength to lash out instead, at least once. Someone can say something incredibly cruel or rude to me, and I'll clam up, get flustered and my face gets hot and I'll just ignore them or be polite! WhY? Beause I don't know how to act. I get all bunched up inside and nervous and regret later and hate myself for not sticking up for myself. This is why I harbor such anger towards people in general. Ah! But I'm still polite! :roll


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## Cyberboy82 (Jun 30, 2008)

Well the only thing that’s changed is when I was a kid my shyness was cute. Now as a 31 year old 6’1 230 pounds muscular man acting like a 12 year old shy boy people think I’m some sort of a weirdo/creep and run for the hills after few secs of seeing my nervousness. And I don’t blame them one bit I would do the same.


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## WestTexas (Jan 26, 2012)

It still affects me great deal, especially in my personal life. But I have not had an extreme panic attack in years. They were frequent throughout my 20s and early to mid 30s.


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## zerotohero (Nov 26, 2011)

Unrelated. Depends entirely on how you deal with it.


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## Meta14 (Jan 22, 2012)

I haven't even started my life, so my opinion is limited. However, my SA didn't become a problem til Junior High, where all the cliques were established. It progressively got worse from there.


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## Shredder (Apr 19, 2011)

Cyberboy82 said:


> Well the only thing that's changed is when I was a kid my shyness was cute. Now as a 31 year old 6'1 230 pounds muscular man acting like a 12 year old shy boy people think I'm some sort of a weirdo/creep and run for the hills after few secs of seeing my nervousness. And I don't blame them one bit I would do the same.


 I relate to this... Looking at a kid it feels more forgivable but as a big grown man... at times it just makes me feel pathetic & weak.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

I think that it can get better with age because a person's age does bring about a certain urgency to get your life straight.

I mean, a lot of the times when you ask an ex-addict why they decided to get clean, often times they'll say something along the lines of "I was getting too old for that s**t."


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## inconversable (Aug 13, 2011)

its the same but different. glad to have come up with something to say in this post


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## occupybarrels (Jan 23, 2012)

Better
How's the saying go, " I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ".
I'm learning not to give a F what people think or say about me. It's still a daily struggle but I've made great improvements over the last 2 years.
My biggest incentive to fight on and improve is my daughter. She thinks I'm the coolest thing in the world and I don't want to let her down.


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## gilt (Jan 7, 2010)

For me it has gotten better over time. I think that repeated exposure to stressors over a long period of time has had a positive effect on me. New challenges can present some difficulty, but these are coming less & less frequently these days.


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

lyricalillusions said:


> I would say that, for the most part, age has nothing to do with it. Though a lot of people do get better after they are out of their teens. Some people, however, do not get better, & instead, get worse with age, like myself. It really depends on the duration of the social anxiety. A person who has had it for nearly their entire lives is much less likely to outgrow it with age, but a person who suddenly develops it around the beginning of adolescence is much more likely to outgrow it at the end of adolescence.


I've had social anxiety all my life as well. I remember getting chased home by rock-throwing children in kindegarten. My symptoms tend to fluctuate, though. The more people around me that I can trust, that I know care for me and aren't passive-aggressive, the less anxious in general I am. But that anxiety never goes away completely, its always there making me feel awkward and stilted.

For the past few years my symptoms have been about as bad as they've ever been, but I still have better days. I hope that the symptoms will gradually recede again.

I think if I could *forget* all the bad social interactions in my past, it would help greatly. *So in that respect*, because I have years of accumulated bad interactions, it *is* age related.


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

Slogger said:


> On the up side, it's a pretty darned big universe, and this little life must somehow be as significant or as insignificant as all the others. We dig a deeper hole when we compare ourselves to others or to what we think we should be.


Excellent point! Comparing ourselves to others and either feeling inferior or superior is pointless. Different people have different trials to deal with as well as different talents. As long as you keep trying to develop your strong points...that's what matters. Well, my opinion anyway.


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## MikeINvalid (Feb 6, 2012)

I think in some ways it has gotten worse, and in some better... I guess just different. I have a lot of regret with a dab of guilt now to go along with the anxiety. In some ways it is easier because I've figured out some coping mechanisms, but mostly because I'm pretty good at avoiding the high anxiety situations. But my regret and guilt come from using avoidance when I wish I could tackle this head on.


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## Jbuck50 (Feb 8, 2012)

I am 50 and my social anxiety still ebbs and flows. I've just come to accept that I will most likely have this for the rest of my life. I deal with it thru meds/talk therapy mostly. For me, as far as therapy, I've had to change medications, techniques, therapists, and so on, throughout my life. This condition can be manageable but you have to stay on top of it always. Getting out of "whack" is the story of my life.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I think it gets worse with age coz the longer you have SA the more abnormal you get not having the normal social development/life experiences you should have like I know 13 yr old girls who are more experienced with having bfs then me at age 32


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