# Gender of Therapist



## sbr (Jan 14, 2014)

Does anyone else have anxiety over seeing a male versus a female therapist? 

Not sure when it began for me, but I realized that I feel less anxiety with female doctors (family doctor, therapist, gyn, etc...). I recently decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, but the options of providers under my in-network insurance coverage is so limited. I ended up making an appointment with a male doctor. Ugh. What should I do? Should I cancel? I know avoiding the things that cause me anxiety is not good, but I really need to be able to work with someone I feel comfortable with. 

I hate this.


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## scorch428 (Sep 2, 2013)

I'd feel more comfortable with a male therapist, but then, I'm a male.


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## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

Yeah I feel more comfortable with a male. I currently see a female clinical psychologist for therapy and it is horrible. She is extremely attractive for her age. I'm experiencing a serious case of transference. My two hour sessions are killing me. I know she has to of noticed it by now, but she hasn't mentioned it once. I think she waiting for me to bring it up. Either way it sucks worse because I know whats going on and nothing I can do about it outside of requesting a referral.


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## sbr (Jan 14, 2014)

Testsubject said:


> Yeah I feel more comfortable with a male. I currently see a female clinical psychologist for therapy and it is horrible. She is extremely attractive for her age. I'm experiencing a serious case of transference. My two hour sessions are killing me. I know she has to of noticed it by now, but she hasn't mentioned it once. I think she waiting for me to bring it up. Either way it sucks worse because I know whats going on and nothing I can do about outside it of requesting a referral.


I'm a female and just feel more at ease talking about certain things with another woman. Your story has sealed it for me, I'm canceling my appointment with the male doctor and will try to find a female instead. I don't want to end up in a similar situation. Good luck to you - I hope you can find a way to maybe switch to a male doctor instead.


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## freakamidget (Nov 25, 2013)

I feel more at ease talking to a woman


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

For a therapist or counselor I prefer talking to a woman.


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## Nathan18 (Sep 15, 2009)

I have only had women therapists, but I would prefer to see a man.

I never had the option.


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## Miss Awesome (Sep 1, 2012)

I've seen two women, and neither was very helpful. I didn't particularly want to talk to either of them. It wasn't anxiety, just lack of connection.

I'd suggest telling this male therapist that you feel that way. No reason to suffer in silence, and if he's any kind of good therapist he won't be offended. I think naming the anxiety might put you more at ease because then you won't feel a need to try to hide it.

Good luck!


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## jhwelch (Jan 14, 2014)

I feel much more at ease when my therapist is a woman. I don't know why that is, though. It might be because I was raised by a group of women, and women were the only people with whom I ever talked about my feelings.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Miss Awesome said:


> I'd suggest telling this male therapist that you feel that way. No reason to suffer in silence, and if he's any kind of good therapist he won't be offended. I think naming the anxiety might put you more at ease because then you won't feel a need to try to hide it.
> 
> Good luck!


Exactly this. You should give him a chance and bring it up. Therapists only work as well as your willing to work with them.

I do know what you're saying, though all of the previously stated, OP. I honestly think if I'm therapist was a man I'd have had a tougher time opening up. I don't know. Something about feeling like being a guy that I'll be judged more harshly by a guy. Again, I don't know.


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## Apathie (Dec 21, 2013)

I've had both genders in therapists, and i don't see a difference really, regarding their gender. I've had negative experiences with both genders. Their competence (or lack thereof) is not determined (or influenced) by their gender.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

I've had good female therapists. I prefer a male psychiatrist though. If I need a strong drug, females seem to be reticent. A male doctor gave me 30 Xanax for a bad period. I went to the same office months later and this woman reluctantly have me 7 tablets after damn near pulling her teeth. WTF? I hate that. I was 56 and being treated like I was 12 by a 28 year old.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

I don't like older female ones. Not sure about younger females ones. Male ones are fine.


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## sbr (Jan 14, 2014)

lovechia said:


> I've had both genders in therapists, and i don't see a difference really, regarding their gender. I've had negative experiences with both genders. Their competence (or lack thereof) is not determined (or influenced) by their gender.


It's not that I think one gender is more competent than the other, it's that I personally have major anxiety with men, so seeing a male therapist seems counter-intuitive - you know? But I think I may have to bite the bullet and see this male doctor after all - I've called several female doctors and have not heard back to even schedule an appointment  (I'm trying to stick with docs who are in network for my insurance). Not many female choices for me in the area where I live who are in network. I'll just be honest with him when I see him on Monday and see how it goes.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this subject. It has helped ease my anxiety - I just don't want to avoid going to see a doctor because the gender scares the hell out of me.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Women are more inclined to be emphatic, evolution made them that way, taking care and understanding their child.

So that's the main reason I chose a female therapist. As long as she's not too hot to distract my attention from the point it's just fine.


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## Freyja (Jan 15, 2014)

RenegadeReloaded said:


> Women are more inclined to be emphatic, evolution made them that way, taking care and understanding their child.
> 
> So that's the main reason I chose a female therapist. As long as she's not too hot to distract my attention from the point it's just fine.


Ditto.


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## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

I started to see a male therapist. It was a disaster. He wanted me to go to a gym and get buffed, have an extreme diet and go out every weekend. Just because. 
He never believed i had a severe anxiety issue. He was very "masculine"if you will: very tall and builded up. I'm extremely short and out of shape... he intimidated me!. He wanted me to do things immediately. I couldn't handle it to be honest. Now i'm seeing a woman and i had a better connection with her. Hopefully she will be a lot more comprehensive since she told me we would go slowly.


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## msh (Mar 19, 2012)

I've seen both male and female therapists. Some of them I liked, some I didn't. It had mostly to do with how well I felt they understood me, not so much with gender. I hate when they seem perplexed when I tell them something.


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