# Do you ever wonder what happened to you that led you to what you are right now?



## AnotherGuy (Aug 5, 2013)

Anyone else every look back at how they used to be when they were younger and wonder what the hell happened to you? Like where the hell did it all go wrong?

In my early 20s I was going to school full time as well as working full time. I would work from midnight to 8 am, go home and take a shower and go to classes from around 11 am to 3pm, THEN go home and sleep. Through all of that I was dating and going out with various girls. None of them led to anything but it was all fun of course. I was SO sure that I was on the fast track to, at the very LEAST, a promising career. I would have even settled for a job that I could at least bear to be at. But I just became so angry. I have no clue what the hell happened. I started disliking being around people and just wanted to be alone.

I'm starting to feel that I was doing all of those things out of sheer expectation. It's almost like people expect a young guy to work a lot and do something constructive, like college. I now see that most people who get degrees can barely get work themselves despite their earned credentials.

Does anyone every get that "what the hell happened to me" inner debate going on?


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## AvoidPeople (Jan 10, 2014)

Yeah I know what you mean. 

2 years ago:
-In a good college for engineering
-Doing well, decent amount of peers/friends

Now:
-Expelled from college
-No job
-No life
-No friends 

My life has crumbled before me.


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## AnotherGuy (Aug 5, 2013)

AvoidPeople said:


> Yeah I know what you mean.
> 
> 2 years ago:
> -In a good college for engineering
> ...


Do you have a pulse on what happened? I mean, I try and I try but I can never get an idea of where the wheels fell off.


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## AvoidPeople (Jan 10, 2014)

AnotherGuy said:


> Do you have a pulse on what happened? I mean, I try and I try but I can never get an idea of where the wheels fell off.


Well yes, I know the reason why I was expelled. But I don't know how I got there in the first place, if that makes any sense.

I've just been crumbling apart for years now. I'm not sure how it all began, but somewhere along the line, I became a very messed up person.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

I'm not sure with my life, I don't know if it was anything in particular or..I don't know its complicated.

I've always been a shy/awkward round people for as long as I can remember. But I did well at school, was getting the highest grades in the school for a few subjects. Moved into secondary school, got bullied relentlessly, it was an all boys school and full of complete *****, biggest mistake of my life going there. But still even with all the bullying and faking illness so I could stay at home, I still managed to be in the top group getting decent grades. College, good grades, hell I even had a girlfriend then. 

Now University I suspect I made some bad choices. I mean I got the grades to get onto a proper course, computer science, but my laziness took over, I struggled with lecture halls full of loud students and thought it would be better to play WoW instead of bust my balls studying, so I did..and failed. I suspect this started it, after the fail I spent a long time unemployed, went back to a different uni and did a bit of a joke course really (I mean I've got a degree but its nowhere near as useful as the comp sci one would have been) generally dossed about with no ambition, too nervous to push myself out of my comfort zone and now I'm doing something related to nothing I've studied and don't even know how I got the job because I'm **** at it 

But I've never been outgoing and I've always been shy and always been a complete wreck around women so its not like that side of my life ever changed its just been steadily poor. Not sure where my general laziness and hatred of most things came from really, but yeah when I was younger I certainly didn't think this would be my life at 27 :roll


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

Yea all the time. I used to be social, kinda happy, and outgoing. Now I only smile to be kind, only text a couple people, and don't ever go anywhere.


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## Dimmie (Nov 17, 2013)

...all the time...I got married at 21, what a d-umbass...it failed and the experience killed me. I wasted years working fulltime and going to classes part time but never finished up. Was so messedup from my divorce that I never could stay with one girl. drifted into retail...found my passion in artwork ten years ago...now my career looks to be ending in a few months so hoping tpo get back in school and get an art degree and do 3d. I still have the heavy residual effects from my youth, lack of confidence and self esteem issues, anxiety and at times depression. Trying to get it all sorted out and become whole.


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Interesting thread, I tended to think most people on here were kind of innately prone to it. Didn't realize people were completely happy & comfortable at one point in their lives and then inherited it.

Me I was as anxious as far back as I could remember. I had selective mutism in pre-school and I still remember an instance from first grade where I didn't get a handout and was too afraid to raise my hand and ask for it. Of course I got in trouble for not doing the assignment!


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## AnotherGuy (Aug 5, 2013)

ineverwipe said:


> Yea all the time. I used to be social, kinda happy, and outgoing. Now I only smile to be kind, only text a couple people, and don't ever go anywhere.


 In that very brief message, you've describe me as well. I know exactly what you mean. You somehow know people, but you never go out. I don't understand it myself. Some people I can justify because I know from when I was a regular kid, but there are people I communicate with, of course via text, that I legitimately don't know how we are acquainted.



Dimmie said:


> ...all the time...I got married at 21, what a d-umbass...it failed and the experience killed me. I wasted years working fulltime and going to classes part time but never finished up. Was so messedup from my divorce that I never could stay with one girl. drifted into retail...found my passion in artwork ten years ago...now my career looks to be ending in a few months so hoping tpo get back in school and get an art degree and do 3d. I still have the heavy residual effects from my youth, lack of confidence and self esteem issues, anxiety and at times depression. Trying to get it all sorted out and become whole.


 That does sound like it must have been rough. At the very least you can count on the fact that you have a game plan, right? I mean, at least you have the wherewithal to know what you're going back to school for. I wish you luck, and I hope you can find peace of mind.



Dan the man said:


> Interesting thread, I tended to think most people on here were kind of innately prone to it. Didn't realize people were completely happy & comfortable at one point in their lives and then inherited it.


 I just sort of assumed the same until I realized that I thought about it all the time about myself. Also, I realized that I wish I could be the guy that I was just 5 years ago. I mean, you've got to be in a real bad state to wish that you were *yourself *from the past.



anomnomnom said:


> But I've never been outgoing and I've always been shy and always been a complete wreck around women so its not like that side of my life ever changed its just been steadily poor. Not sure where my general laziness and hatred of most things came from really, but yeah when I was younger I certainly didn't think this would be my life at 27 :roll


 I agree with this. I don't know if it was movies or TV or comics, but I had this disillusion that I would somehow transform from the kind of kid I was to this handsome, smart, outgoing, and successful professional. I guess I kind of had this "Bruce Wayne" syndrome where I wanted to be the guy that people went to and needed help from. What in the world gave me that idea?? I don't think that I would've been such a jaded pr**k if I was a more realistic kid. I mean, all in all, it wasn't my fault because kids do have notions about being important as adults. But I guess I may have overdone it.

I will tell you one thing though; most people on this site are better people for actually standing up and saying "this is what I've become, as much as it's not what I want. I can admit it". There are many people out in the real world who are feeling this same way, but are stuck in a job/marriage/life that's mentally killing them and they don't have the wherewithal to say "I need to stop and examine who I am versus what I wanted out of life". Some wear the mask out of tolerance for this life and will one day cave...hard. But some people wear that mask out of pride and fear of what'll happen if they say "I became the opposite of what I wanted".


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## Mochyn (Jan 6, 2014)

People happened, mean people without an ounce of goodness in them, people that can only feel good about themselves when they are putting you down.


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## brettfavre4life (Apr 20, 2012)

I think about this all the time. 

When I was 20/21, I was in college and had a bunch of amazing friends - we spent pretty much all of our free time socializing and chasing girls. I actively sought out people to spend time with and called/texted people daily to be social. Now, at 29, I look back at those times and wonder how the heck I ever managed to be that outgoing and social....it's almost like they're somebody else's memories. I'm afraid to run into old friends from that period of my life because I'm embarrassed about who i've become.


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't been neurotic.
Things stared to look up about 3/2 years ago - had jobs, had budding social / romantic life. That all collapsed due to a failed relationship that I am still recovering and trying to rebuild from.
It's all a bit like a house of cards - when one small part fails, the rest seems to follow.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

It was definitely a genetic weakness and an unstable home environment


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## soulstorm (Jan 5, 2012)

Reading the posts in this thread reminds me of how fragile the dynamics of this economy are. For those that weren't born with a silver spoon in their mouth, things could come crashing down at any moment.

It also speaks to how fragile the relationships in society are. When you think about it, money and wealth controls all aspects of our lives. It causes people to seperate and get divorced. It dictates who you can and can't be friends and lovers with, really.


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## sbr (Jan 14, 2014)

I wonder it all the time. I spent a good portion of my day writing in my journal yesterday and made a very long list of things I think contribute, but really I think this is a combination of heredity and environmental influence - for me at least. My mother and my two brothers also have the same problem. Growing up I was shy but I craved being around friends and socializing even still. But my mother was scared of everything. She never socialized with my friends' parents, she seldom allowed my twin sister and I to have parties or sleep overs. She wasn't involved in classroom activities. She never went to any of my brothers' sporting events. I never felt comfortable inviting my friends to my home because I didn't want my mom to be uncomfortable. My mother only had one close friend. Now I have become the thing I always despised and resented in my mother. And I think about it all the time and feel sorry for her now.


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## Nads (Jan 2, 2013)

I have to say a lot of luck and a little perseverance.


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## relentlessfighter (Aug 25, 2013)

*Teasing and belittled*

Well, I was always an introvert and a shy guy. That was the reason I was picked upon in high school. I was teased, and I just used to think let ppl say , it shouldnt bother you. Buyt whom was I fooling? Being ulttrasensitive, I was feeling miserable and angry inside. And then I made the mistaKE of going to a college which had some of the guys from high school. I first realized this feeling in first year of my engineering college. I told my friend that i feel such things around ppl and he said r u mad, no one thinks of you that way. and since then it has just escalated. And worse I have been treated for schizophrenia instead of SA. Till now. I've realized enough is enough. Need to get well now. And the right way.


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## jimmysheva (Nov 20, 2013)

I remember. A girl broke my heart and I couldn't handle it. Depressed for 8 years. GP dropped from 3.7 to 2.4. The reason I couldn't handle it? Parental overprotection. My parents sheltered me from the world, made me think the world is all rosy and rainbowy. And I always had social anxiety for as long as I can remember so I didn't have any friend to share my grief. and the friends i did have only said "there are other girls in the world" which didn't help and actually made my depression worse.


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## luffyenvelope (Jan 11, 2014)

I know what happened to me. 

Drunk father, growing up poor, living in a car, living in a room, over eating, and being picked on in jr. high to the point that is started my S.A.D. Everything went to hell after that.


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## twistedlogic89 (Jul 13, 2013)

It all started in childhood. I never had a good foundation and it totally set me up for failure. Being the least favorite child, being the odd man out in every situation, never really connecting with anyone... well, that has reverberations that last decades past childhood. 

I scraped by. I graduated college, held some meaningless jobs, made friends. But none of it lasted. I can't even maintain friendships anymore. Best I do relationship wise is the occasional hookup, usually with someone who is cheating on their significant other. I graduated a year ago and have had one crappy job that I got fired from after a few months. Now I just live at home with a mother I feel I might actually hate. Living in despair, wishing I had a grown up job like everyone else I know. Living on my own. Dating people who aren't already taken. Hanging out with my friends on the weekend. Sitting together at a hot spot, drinks in our hands, laughing loudly. 
It makes me bitter. I feel like if my parents had just encouraged me as a kid instead of writing me off, I'd be so much better off. So yes, I blame my parents. Pretty weak, huh?


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## Limestone22 (Aug 11, 2013)

It's called being mature, you can't be a child your whole life... Just stay focused and don't let other people bring you down


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## seadevil (Mar 3, 2014)

Sometimes I think that when you use your work or studies to compensate lack of social interaction or personal life at zero point you risk to fed up with your work and studies, because they cannot compensate everything. As a result you may feel tired of them and lose all the interested and inspiration you had at first.
I guess such thing happens with me now.


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