# Online Dating Success??



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Have any of you men out there had success with online dating sites (primarily POF)? Tips please. Thanks!


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Have any of you *men* out there had success with online dating sites (primarily POF)? Tips please. Thanks!


good one


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> good one


no seriously

If you care, I have no experience with it. It's for a friend.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Nope, i've been at it on & off for 2 years. Either we start chatting and it goes nowhere, or I send messages and don't get responses.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

bucklti said:


> Nope, i've been at it on & off for 2 years. Either we start chatting and it goes nowhere, or I send messages and don't get responses.


Yeah, that is exactly what is happening here. WTH?! "sigh" Thanks though.


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## Colhad75 (Dec 14, 2009)

Don't even waste your time with dating sites, not even worth the time to look at them.


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## JamieHasAnxiety (Feb 15, 2011)

I met my loved one online, we might be getting married this year! :]

Yes, it works if thats what your wondering. lol
2 and a half years long distance then we moved in. :]


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Lately I haven't been getting any responses to my messages. What do they want in a first message? I always send a polite message stating that we have things in common, we should get to know each other, or I ask about certain details in their profile. WTF?


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## UNity7 (Feb 12, 2011)

Online is a waste of time. It allows people to check off boxes instead of finding someone they are truly attracted to.

"hmm this guy is half an inch shorter than this height, this person makes this amount of money less than this much, this girl looks like this and I've never seen her in person"

Kkip online and get out.


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

Met my wife online. Been together 8 years.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm not a guy. But I met a girl I'm currently flirting with online. We are going to meet up this weekend if I can get a ride. And yes, it was on PoF. 

My advice would be to start a conversation by referencing something in their profile. Thats how I would always get responses. And remember that I'm talking to women, too. 

If they like tattoos, start talking tattoos. If they like horses, mention something about horses. It makes it seem like you are actually interested because you READ their profile. Instead of just looking at their picture and going "oh, she's hott, "wuzz up babe"?"


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Met a guy off of POF once. He was the only one worth meeting of them all.
Wound up crying his manbaby tears to me just a couple times into hanging out though = Fail.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

kathy903 said:


> Met a guy off of POF once. He was the only one worth meeting of them all.
> Wound up crying his manbaby tears to me just a couple times into hanging out though = Fail.


You didn't have to tell everyone that. I had too much to drink, thats all...


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> You didn't have to tell everyone that. I had too much to drink, thats all..


Yeah, but Dr Pepper shouldn't have that much of an effect on you.


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## saline (Feb 16, 2011)

Registered on plentyoffish a month ago, and had 9 messages in the first week.
However, they were generally a fair bit older than me and not really what im after.
I got talking to one rather pretty young girl but she wasn't that local to me and I dont drive.
I then deleted my picture from my profile which is basically the same as deleting your profile, because without a picture, you almost certainly wont get any messages.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

stylicho said:


> yeah, but dr pepper shouldn't have that much of an effect on you.


 lmao


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

kathy903 said:


> Met a guy off of POF once. He was the only one worth meeting of them all.
> Wound up crying his manbaby tears to me just a couple times into hanging out though = Fail.


:doh


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

There might only be a slim chance that online dating will work, but any chance is better than no chance at all.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

stylicho said:


> Yeah, but Dr Pepper shouldn't have that much of an effect on you.


:haha


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Mr bro met his ***** on match.com

All he did was search nerd with big butt, and he found her. She cooks and cleans and has the sex.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Online dating isn't magic. It's still going to take months if not years to find someone just like it does off the internet. I probably only came across someone worth talking to every 2-4months and only met someone every 4-6months before finding my husband on okcupid about 2 years ago. My husband said he got responses to about 1 in 10 messages he sent and those are good numbers. It works it just doesn't work without effort and time just like anything else.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

Advice for plenty of fish: take good photos of yourself with a good camera when you look your best.. Highlight your positives, don't go into too much depth with your negatives. When I got dates off there, most of the time it was because a girl messaged me saying she liked how I looked. It's rare, but sometimes you'll find someone with similar interests that you can get to chatting with - that's ideal. If someone isn't responding back with questions, they're usually not interested. Since I've been on there, I've gone through 4-5 month dry spells, there's a lot of luck involved.


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## ashko (Nov 23, 2010)

I've had some success on dating sites and so have many others I know. I met a girl on there. We dated for two and a half years. It was the best relationship of my life.

In short, yes, it is VERY possible to get into relationships started on online dating sites. You just need to put yourself out there and put in the effort.


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

On POF, just spam the yes option in the "Meet Me" thingy.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

MindOverMood said:


> On POF, just spam the yes option in the "Meet Me" thingy.


I ignore all emails that say someone wants to meet me.

I only go on if I get an actual message.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

stranger25 said:


> good one


:lol


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Mercurochrome said:


> Mr bro met his ***** on match.com
> 
> All he did was search nerd with big butt, and he found her. She cooks and cleans and has the sex.


:b Oh Mercurochrome, how you make me laugh.

Anyway folks, thank you for the advise. There were some awesome tips in there. Yeah I'm hoping my friend IS commenting on their interests when he messages them...I think he is. As far as pics, I think his pics are fine. I've wondered about one where he has a little one on his lap, but he makes it clear in his profile that he's not a daddy. haha I suppose I ought not be so much of a busybody though eh?  I just like my friend, he's a nice guy and should have a date. Thanks again.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

I met my boyfriend on hotornot.com. well we just broke up after 2 years. but yeah.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

Colhad75 said:


> Don't even waste your time with dating sites, not even worth the time to look at them.


I can't see how setting up a date with somebody you contact online is any different than setting up a date with somebody you met at the grocery store, or a bar, or the library, or the mall or wherever.. You'll get good and bad matches either way.


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## cheekypanda (Feb 27, 2011)

I don't mean to bump this but just wanted to share my stories.

I was a member of PoF a few years ago after I broke up with my first really-serious bf from HS/college and one of my friends wanted to sign up together. I met a few guys from there, casually dated a couple. For the most part, they were nice guys. I was also apart of Okcupid during the same time and went on a few casual dates from there. After a few months, I met a serious boyfriend on there for about 6 months (not to discourage you but he turned out to be very emotionally abusive/manipulative/controlling and used my disorders to his advantage) so it didn't work out for me personally. (but i was weak and just gout out of a relationship and was easily taken advantage of)

Anyway... (and don't laugh at me, hehe) I met my current live-in boyfriend from WoW while I was with the OKC guy. We fit well together and he's supportive and understanding of me. It's great.

In conclusion: online dating can work =) I also love to go back to the sites just to read the success stories (i dont know if PoF has a success page but OKC does) because they're so cute.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

For girls it can. Not for guys.


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## cheekypanda (Feb 27, 2011)

stranger25 said:


> For girls it can. Not for guys.


well what about all the guys that are with the girls it worked for?


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

Girls have the advantage because there are loads more men then women on all the sites. That's why you get messages 5 minutes after signing up and a guy would be lucky to get 1 message a month without sending first. Girls are the only ones who benefit from it.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

stranger25 said:


> Girls have the advantage because there are loads more men then women on all the sites. That's why you get messages 5 minutes after signing up and a guy would be lucky to get 1 message a month without sending first. Girls are the only ones who benefit from it.


Well it basically works like that in the real world too, girls are going to get hit on by a guy much more than the other way around. If you want a girl you are going to have to do it the way most other guys accomplish it and that is assert yourself. Don't sit back and wait for them to come to you(online or in the real world).


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

I'm aware of that. But it'sjust another way that the system is rigged against males.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

The flip side is that men don't have to worry about creepy people hitting on them and being afraid for one's safety, or getting fooled into an abusive relationship (women don't seem to be good at reading the signs, or think that they can "change him").


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

You are stereotyping all males as creeps, just like females do, without even knowing them for 2 minutes. Some relationship is better then no relationship.

Men are people too.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

vicente said:


> The flip side is that men don't have to worry about creepy people hitting on them


why not? I often wonder when someone contacts me online if they're out to swindle me, or if it's worth the risk to go meet them. I take all the regular precautions. Meeting in a public place. Not accompanying anybody to an unknown area etc. It's not like I am superman and can always fight off a thug.



vicente said:


> and being afraid for one's safety


Men are murdered in vastly greater numbers than women. They'd be stupid if they weren't afraid for their safety.



vicente said:


> or getting fooled into an abusive relationship.


again why not? is it not a problem if a man is in an abusive relationship?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

stranger25 said:


> Girls have the advantage because there are loads more men then women on all the sites. That's why you get messages 5 minutes after signing up and a guy would be lucky to get 1 message a month without sending first. Girls are the only ones who benefit from it.


Without trying to use tooo much logic (it may hurt ones brain), for every girl who "benefits" from a dating site, surely a guy has benefited just the same?

Yes, females will naturally get more initial messages than guys, it's the way the dating world works, but for every successful date a female has from one of the sites, a guy has also had a successful date .


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Went on two online dates. One guy from POF and he's weird and don't like him. One from on here and I like(d) him but he likes somebody else same time and chose her over me. So 2/2 no luck. Might try online dating again after a while but currently I'm turned off by dating.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I tried dating a hacker online once, turns out the only pants she wanted to get into were those of my fathers, which contained his fairly large wallet....


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

kathy903 said:


> Went on two online dates. One guy from POF and he's weird and don't like him. One from on here and I like(d) him but he likes somebody else same time and chose her over me. So 2/2 no luck. Might try online dating again after a while but currently I'm turned off by dating.


haha Yeah I am myself just seems like alot of work. Last date I went on went really well, she 'insisted' on paying haha


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

_I have a profile at POF but can't even get to messaging someone. I feel like there is no point when even if we do click and I have to meet them my SA is going to kick and ruin it anyway.

For anyone that's actually followed through and met people from a dating site, were you upfront about your SA? How did they react and how did meeting up go?

I found another site that looks promising, specifially geared towards the socially inept! I would find it much easier to date someone else who understands what SA feels like, unfortunately there aren't many ppl signed up in my area. The site is shypassionsDOTcom
_


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

> _For anyone that's actually followed through and met people from a dating site, were you upfront about your SA? How did they react and how did meeting up go?_


I don't think saying "I have social anxiety" is an intelligent way to make friends or relationships. They are going to pick up that you have issues in social situations and either accept it or not without you having to say anything. If you don't bring it up right away they get time to know you and accept something they might have found too odd or failed to understand if you'd had that conversation immediately. The more someone can get to know your good points before showing your eccentricities the better odds you have of a successful relationship.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

True. It's not something I would ever bring up early anyway, but I do feel like I'm misrepresenting myself somehow because via email I probably come across as a very engaging, social being, the kind of person I'd probably be if I didn't have SA.


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

sleepytime said:


> _I have a profile at POF but can't even get to messaging someone. I feel like there is no point when even if we do click and I have to meet them my SA is going to kick and ruin it anyway. _
> 
> _For anyone that's actually followed through and met people from a dating site, were you upfront about your SA? How did they react and how did meeting up go?_
> 
> _I found another site that looks promising, specifially geared towards the socially inept! I would find it much easier to date someone else who understands what SA feels like, unfortunately there aren't many ppl signed up in my area. The site is shypassionsDOTcom_


dates ive been on i mention before meeting ill be nervous as hell or maybe very chatty so either way she be told...usually get the same response anyhow. so first few dates doest matter i think. its more about being in say public like in a busy pizza hut.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I just put in my profile the obvious things like not being the outgoing party type. There are ways to say you have SA without saying you have SA.


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

I'd much rather date a woman like myself. Theres an understanding there if you both have SA then work on it from there. I'd feel like an idiot typing in a dating site I have SA or similiar. I'd rather suger coat it a little hhehe.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

All of a sudden, i'm talking to 3 girls at once on POF. It must this spring weather and they're thinking about taking clothes off :yes One of them looks very promising.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

ive given up on online dating altogether. It wasnt my looks I hope. :um


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> ive given up on online dating altogether. It wasnt my looks I hope. :um


It's not your looks. I've seen the pics you've posted, and you're attractive.

I've given up, as well. Most of the guys that contacted me were divorced with 10 kids. Or, I just got propositioned.


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

melissa75 said:


> It's not your looks. I've seen the pics you've posted, and you're attractive.
> 
> I've given up, as well. Most of the guys that contacted me were divorced with 10 kids. Or, I just got propositioned.


hahaha awwww..

I just get no replys or very few I've heard from some women they think I'm a player. LOL couldnt be further from the truth.


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## slightlyawkward (Feb 16, 2011)

I met my boyfriend on an online dating site (OKcupid). We've been together for over a year now. It didn't happen right away, and I did have to sort through a LOT of creepers and go on some unsuccessful dates with other people before I met him. Oh, the adventures I had...*Shudder*


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

slightlyawkward said:


> I met my boyfriend on an online dating site (OKcupid). We've been together for over a year now. It didn't happen right away, and I did have to sort through a LOT of creepers and go on some unsuccessful dates with other people before I met him. Oh, the adventures I had...*Shudder*


Congrats, does he have SA?


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## slightlyawkward (Feb 16, 2011)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Congrats, does he have SA?


Thanks!  He doesn't, although he's definitely an introvert. He used to be a lot more reserved, but he's improved over the years. It's nice to have someone who understands at least a little bit.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

slightlyawkward said:


> I met my boyfriend on an online dating site (OKcupid). We've been together for over a year now. It didn't happen right away, and I did have to sort through a LOT of creepers and go on some unsuccessful dates with other people before I met him. Oh, the adventures I had...*Shudder*


I think that's many people's experience off-line, too.


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## slightlyawkward (Feb 16, 2011)

Atticus said:


> I think that's many people's experience off-line, too.


Yep, I'm aware of that.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I'd say it's best to leave more to the imagination in your profile, since your match questions and quick stats say enough. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have know how much I had in common with another person had he not written so much in his. I haven't tried POF, but my cousin has... one of the men she met exposed himself as soon as they met in a public park.


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## LostProphet (Apr 4, 2010)

solasum said:


> I haven't tried POF, but my cousin has... one of the men she met exposed himself as soon as they met in a public park.


Lol what does that mean? That he whipped out his wang when they met?


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## Cosmic (Feb 7, 2011)

For those of you who have profiles on dating sites like OKCupid and POF... do you ever worry that somebody you know in real life will find your profile? I've considered online dating before, but I'm afraid of being discovered there by people I know.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

A couple of chicks from high school were on there. One of them messaged me about how desperate we both are being on a dating website. I really don't care what they think.


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## Aarmin (Feb 27, 2011)

Cosmic said:


> For those of you who have profiles on dating sites like OKCupid and POF... do you ever worry that somebody you know in real life will find your profile? I've considered online dating before, but I'm afraid of being discovered there by people I know.


I don't worry about it to much, but then again I do not have any pictures posted :lol

I have actually came across a profile of somebody at work. We actually worked along side each other today, ha! I would never say anything about it, she is too nice to me


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Cosmic said:


> For those of you who have profiles on dating sites like OKCupid and POF... do you ever worry that somebody you know in real life will find your profile? I've considered online dating before, but I'm afraid of being discovered there by people I know.


And if they find it they'll do.... what?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

The rejection rate for me is HUGE online! However, I sent out many (hundreds) of emails and did get some (few) dates but they never work out or last long at all. At the time I think I may of been convincing myself that something that great (a relationship) was worth all the ENORMOUS energy I put into it, but now I'm thinking it really isn't worth that much of my sole attention. I don't think dating should ever be THAT difficult, and if it continues to be that way for me I say to hell with it and live my live happily regardless. The wants and needs of others are so damn complicated, it can be a son of a ***** second-guessing yourself all the damn time. Way too much energy put in for little to no results--I almost don't feel like it is worth the trouble sometimes. If it happens, then it'll probably happen at a much more relaxed and natural place in my life because forcing it is hella frustrating!

Everyone is different though. Me sending out hundreds of emails may not of worked but you sending out only 10 may--you really never know with dating! I guess I'm just saying don't let it take over your essence like so many of us had let it in the past. Reality check: you can't always get what you want so why think relationships are any different. For some reason, we sometimes find this more surprising than others...


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

I had success back in August last year, but ended in disaster. We dated for like 10 days then the sh!t hit the fan. Turns out she was engaged to some guy. I think she was just using me to get back at her fiance because she was furious with him for whatever reason. Don't ever want to go through that again. She was the same age as me at the time, 20. I searched for her on facebook a while back ago and she is now married to the guy which cracks me up. They're both looney!


Careful who you talk to on dating sites or this might happen to ya lol


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## LostProphet (Apr 4, 2010)

Cosmic said:


> For those of you who have profiles on dating sites like OKCupid and POF... do you ever worry that somebody you know in real life will find your profile? I've considered online dating before, but I'm afraid of being discovered there by people I know.


If you think about it, if they find you on it then they're in the same boat too. So it would just be hypocritical of them to make fun of you for it. A girl/friend who I asked out in college found me on POF (she rejected me) and sent me a message saying it was funny that she found me on there. It caused me some anxiety but I got over it, don't care now.



bucklti said:


> A couple of chicks from high school were on there. One of them messaged me about how desperate we both are being on a dating website. I really don't care what they think.


Perhaps she wasn't trying to insult you or anything but rather hinting that you two should hook up?



Daylight said:


> I had success back in August last year, but ended in disaster. We dated for like 10 days then the sh!t hit the fan. Turns out she was engaged to some guy. I think she was just using me to get back at her fiance because she was furious with him for whatever reason. Don't ever want to go through that again. She was the same age as me at the time, 20. I searched for her on facebook a while back ago and she is now married to the guy which cracks me up. They're both looney!
> 
> Careful who you talk to on dating sites or this might happen to ya lol


Wow, that's crazy stuff lol.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

LostProphet said:


> Lol what does that mean? That he whipped out his wang when they met?


Supposedly he was sitting on a park bench, waiting for her in a nice suit, and just opened his fly as soon as she arrived. She rejected him right then and there, which, knowing her, rather surprises me.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I've kind of given up with internet dating and don't even try anymore. It has never seemed to work for me.


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## mardy423 (Aug 27, 2008)

I have an OkCupid profile. I get a few views a month, maybe even a message or two. I never have liked the "About Me" section on any web site. I can never think of what to write about myself. I'm sure if I had a more interesting About Me, i might get a few more views.


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## jimmythekid (Apr 26, 2010)

I went on a date with a guy I met online on Friday night. I really like him  he's so hot and really nice too. 

I didn't meet him on POF though. I made a profile on there but the girls were all homely and large. Don't remember what the guys were like.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I still have the sites, i think i have like 3 now including tagged and evow, that makes 4. I cant take those seriously at all cause they seem like a big let dow just like pof and okcupid.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I think the biggest issue I have with the online dating stuff is that I never know how/when to take it past the back and forth conversations. I have good response rates at okcupid, but I initiated all but one conversation. I currently have 4 different conversations going. They will all likely end in failure because I don't know how to get it past that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

huh said:


> I think the biggest issue I have with the online dating stuff is that I never know how/when to take it past the back and forth conversations. I have good response rates at okcupid, but I initiated all but one conversation. I currently have 4 different conversations going. They will all likely end in failure because I don't know how to get it past that.


Uh, ask for a number?


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I've sent about 10 messages to girls on OKCupid. Not a single answer. 

Around 15 on another dating site. No answer. 

On Badoo, two girls out of ten answer me.

I must be one ugly mofo.


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

TPower said:


> I've sent about 10 messages to girls on OKCupid. Not a single answer.
> 
> Around 15 on another dating site. No answer.
> 
> ...


Could just be what you wrote when you messaged them? If you're just writing "Hi, how are you doing?" They might just not reply at all. I see this a lot in girls profiles, they want you try harder.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

MindOverMood said:


> Could just be what you wrote when you messaged them? If you're just writing "Hi, how are you doing?" They might just not reply at all. I see this a lot in girls profiles, they want you try harder.


What else can you say when their profiles are empty?


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

TPower said:


> What else can you say when their profiles are empty?


Maybe tell them why you thought to message them despite their profiles being empty?


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

MindOverMood said:


> Could just be what you wrote when you messaged them? If you're just writing "Hi, how are you doing?" They might just not reply at all. I see this a lot in girls profiles, they want you try harder.


they want men to "try harder" ?? That is so stupid... I'm not a prize in some contest...


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

Haydsmom2007 said:


> they want men to "try harder" ?? That is so stupid... I'm not a prize in some contest...


Try harder when they message them, some girls mention that in their profiles that if you're going to message them, to come up with something original


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

rednosereindeer said:


> Maybe tell them why you thought to message them despite their profiles being empty?


Yeah,joke around with them and ask why their about section is empty

I send random messages to people on POF from time to time(usually if I'm half in the bag:b), could be about their username, something about their pics etc


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I met my ex on a dating site. I went to her with a simple hello. It worked.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

TPower said:


> I've sent about 10 messages to girls on OKCupid. Not a single answer.
> 
> Around 15 on another dating site. No answer.
> 
> ...


It's because of 1 or 2 reasons:

1. your looks

2. money

dating sites are full of men, and only have limited amounts of women, who can afford to be shallow since there is so much choice for them....plus, the dating game, and the relationship game is rigged against males by default, so it's the usual.....


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I'm thinking about trying sexual innuendos.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

It's really hard for me to determine people's level of interest online. I never know if it's just friendly or they're flirting. And therefore even if I am interested, I tend to downplay it. I wonder how many other people do that? Maybe we're all running in circles around each other. lol.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I always wanted to try online dating, but there is always the worry that I'll be the one who will end up with the serial killer or sexual predator. Like the stories you here about on Oprah.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

diamondheart420 said:


> It's really hard for me to determine people's level of interest online. I never know if it's just friendly or they're flirting. And therefore even if I am interested, I tend to downplay it. I wonder how many other people do that? Maybe we're all running in circles around each other. lol.


I feel like a traitor to other guys by saying it, but if they come to you, they ultimately want to sleep with you. They DO NOT necessarily only want sex from you, thought. No guy would start a conversation with an ugly girl. What would be the point?

Also, stop downplaying your interest. if the girl doesn't talk much (on MSN, obviously), I feel like I'm wasting my time. Same thing if she never talks to me first.


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## Cyrus (Oct 25, 2009)

I've never tried it myself. I've been thinking about signing up to POF but because I'm unemployed or don't leave the house..literally, I assume it'll be a turn off and no one will really be interested if I put I'm agoraphobic in the about me bit and all that. 

I mean, I've had women interested in me before who have known about me (though not lead to anything) but I'm not sure if a dating site is the place for me with what I've just mentioned. Though I suppose in saying that it might not be too much of a problem when people look in my profile seeing as it hasn't bothered others in the past. But then I guess there will be hundreds more men they could choose from who have money coming in and a social life etc. 

I may give it a go, and probably put my pic up too, I don't have anything to lose. You never know until you try I say so I'll get round to it .


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I have no luck on dating sites....but I'm also too chicken to ever contact anyone I'm interested in. :b

And, strangely, it's not because of the fear of being rejected, but the fear she might actually like me and I would have to reveal my lack of relationship experience at some point.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

TPower said:


> I feel like a traitor to other guys by saying it, but if they come to you, they ultimately want to sleep with you. They DO NOT necessarily only want sex from you, thought. No guy would start a conversation with an ugly girl. What would be the point?
> 
> Also, stop downplaying your interest. if the girl doesn't talk much (on MSN, obviously), *I feel like I'm wasting my time.* Same thing if she never talks to me first.


If you feel that you're wasting your time just by talking to another human being, then that's just too damn bad.

I'm interested in people who see me as a person first and a female second. Anyone else can GTFO, please.



> And, strangely, it's not because of the fear of being rejected, but the fear she might actually like me and I would have to reveal my lack of relationship experience at some point.


I think that's fear of eventual rejection? It happens to all of us.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> If you feel that you're wasting your time just by talking to another human being, then that's just too damn bad.
> 
> *I'm interested in people who see me as a person first and a female second. *Anyone else can GTFO, please.
> 
> I think that's fear of eventual rejection? It happens to all of us.


Where can I find a guy like that? :yes


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## uhhhbrandon (Dec 21, 2010)

I'm really interested in this girl on OKC. This is my first time trying online dating or dating in general lol. What would be a good first message to send? I like her interests and I really love her eyes.


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

^Ask a funny question about one of her interests? Or, if she answered any of the online quiz questions and something stood out to you as funny, you can remark on that? That catches my eye when a guy sends me a message remarking on something random like that . It makes me feel like he took the time to look through my profile...

Also, if she has really pretty eyes, she probably gets lots of comments on them...


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## uhhhbrandon (Dec 21, 2010)

melissa75 said:


> ^Ask a funny question about one of her interests? Or, if she answered any of the online quiz questions and something stood out to you as funny, you can remark on that? That catches my eye when a guy sends me a message remarking on something random like that . It makes me feel like he took the time to look through my profile...
> 
> Also, if she has really pretty eyes, she probably gets lots of comments on them...


Thanks! Yeah, your probably right with comments on the eyes. I always fall in love with the eyes lol.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> If you feel that you're wasting your time just by talking to another human being, then that's just too damn bad.


I usually talk a lot, and it is very annoying to be answered by three letter words. I smell indifference. Also, When I'm chatting with people over the Internet, I expect to see them in person someday. Why would I want friends I'll never meet?

Secondo, I've never been friends with a girl and I'll never be if there's no sex involved. So she has to see me as a potential partner.



rednosereindeer said:


> I'm interested in people who see me as a person first and a female second. Anyone else can GTFO, please.


Uh. Well, good luck.


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## Dark Drifter (Sep 24, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> It's because of 1 or 2 reasons:
> 
> 1. your looks
> 
> ...


Never thought of it that way. I tried okcupid as well, I got rejected by every single "match" I had, so I left after 3 days. My mother told me once girls only want guys with money, a job, and are older. She's probably right, and I mean if these girls are as shallow as I think they are, I say they can fall down a hole. I'm fine by myself, I don't need some shallow little tramp to make me happy. I don't need ANYONE.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Half of the people on dating sites aren't even looking for anyone or they're married/in relationship. I wish dating sites were for people who actually want to date people.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I've never understood why girls in a relationship are on dating sites. I guess they want to boost their ego by being told they are beautiful.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

POF is so sketchy I'm surprised they don't have a section asking which STIs you've contracted! ...


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

I got a message on pof last night from a girl who wondered why I added her to my favourites, but never wrote to her. Now I'm trying to think what I should say =s


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

TPower said:


> I've never understood why girls in a relationship are on dating sites. I guess they want to boost their ego by being told they are beautiful.


lol are you kidding? They are looking for something on side.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

MindOverMood said:


> Now I'm trying to think what I should say =s


"That's all the flattering you get. Be happy."


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

TPower said:


> Also, stop downplaying your interest. if the girl doesn't talk much (on MSN, obviously), I feel like I'm wasting my time. Same thing if she never talks to me first.


Meeting on a dating site kinda implies an intent to date. So yeah, I agree. If a girl you met on a dating site isn't expressing sufficient interest, it is better to stop wasting your time and move on. Better you give those girls a chance who understand the purpose of a dating site than try to continue to kiss up to someone who clearly isn't too interested in dating you anyway.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

MindOverMood said:


> Could just be what you wrote when you messaged them? If you're just writing "Hi, how are you doing?" They might just not reply at all. I see this a lot in girls profiles, they want you try harder.


No, dating sites, and cold-approaches in real life for that matter, just have a high rejection rate for the average guy. The best thing you can do for yourself is to first accept that so your not surprised by the lack of responses. The way you message a girl may have a better chance of her responding to you, but I don't like to expend too much energy into that sort of thing because in the end it doesn't matter how hard you try because if the girl doesn't want you she doesn't want you, and more often than not, that decision is made very quickly so I find it pointless to expend too much energy on that sort of thing.

I have personal experience reminding me that it doesn't much matter what you say. If the girl likes you she'll make it easy for you. If she doesn't, there isn't anything you can do. Don't ever put too much energy into changing someone's mind because you ultimately can't.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I joined Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago, but I haven't messaged anyone except for a comment on what a woman wrote in her profile, which was not acknowledged, of course. I'm still not quite ready to date (for a variety of reasons I won't get into), so I think that's the main thing that's holding me back. Beyond that, I just have no interest in the way most of these women describe themselves. Every profile is the same: "I'm a caring, down-to-earth girl who is looking to have fun. I consider myself honest, trustworthy and am very outgoing. I'm looking for a man who can sweep me off my feet! I like to travel, can hang with the guys and watch sports (GO _____!), but a lot of the time I just enjoy curling up on the couch and watching a good movie or reading" . . . et cetera (and add in misspellings and ultra-annoying text acronyms as well). This goes for the very conventionally attractive/don't know what they're doing on a dating site types as well as the average women and the ugly ones. It's so bland. I've described myself as quite shy, but tried to put a positive spin on it. 

The only women on the site who interest me are the ones who admit to some kind of fault or lack of confidence, like one girl who said she feels a tad lost in life at the moment and is reserved. I've seriously considered sending her a message, as she's also very nice looking, but I feel she still might be out of my league or lead too much of a goth lifestyle, which I don't like much.

Does anyone else find themselves very bored by the way people express themselves on these sites?


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## ehhhhooo (Mar 18, 2011)

Because of my recent success with OKC, I'd say that it's all about the humor. At least for my age group.

Because who wants to know everything about you before you meet? That's taking away so much of potential conversations away. Also, I guess I just got lucky and I didn't look like a creep, because she wanted to see me face-to-face. It seriously took about 10 messages, and I found out she went to my college; small world. At the same time you have to notice what kind of humor works, that's the key.


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## uhhhbrandon (Dec 21, 2010)

IcedOver said:


> I joined Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago, but I haven't messaged anyone except for a comment on what a woman wrote in her profile, which was not acknowledged, of course. I'm still not quite ready to date (for a variety of reasons I won't get into), so I think that's the main thing that's holding me back. Beyond that, I just have no interest in the way most of these women describe themselves. Every profile is the same: "I'm a caring, down-to-earth girl who is looking to have fun. I consider myself honest, trustworthy and am very outgoing. I'm looking for a man who can sweep me off my feet! I like to travel, can hang with the guys and watch sports (GO _____!), but a lot of the time I just enjoy curling up on the couch and watching a good movie or reading" . . . et cetera (and add in misspellings and ultra-annoying text acronyms as well). This goes for the very conventionally attractive/don't know what they're doing on a dating site types as well as the average women and the ugly ones. It's so bland. I've described myself as quite shy, but tried to put a positive spin on it.
> 
> The only women on the site who interest me are the ones who admit to some kind of fault or lack of confidence, like one girl who said she feels a tad lost in life at the moment and is reserved. I've seriously considered sending her a message, as she's also very nice looking, but I feel she still might be out of my league or lead too much of a goth lifestyle, which I don't like much.
> 
> Does anyone else find themselves very bored by the way people express themselves on these sites?


I know what you mean. They also say not to message with a simple hey or they won't respond, but then they respond with that same exact message. WTH?


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

^lol do guys actually message girls who write stuff like that in their profile? It seems awfully snobby to me. or maybe there are people who like arrogant people, who knows. I never write to someone who has a list of who should never write them, even if I don't fit in any of those categories. I still think it's very elitist and elitism is a major turn off.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

I signed up for POF before and noticed 95%+ of profiles say something like 'looking for someone who is confident, adventurous, outgoing, and lives life to the full'. Not very encouraging!


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## beethoven (Jan 17, 2011)

80% of the people I dated I met online, either through dating sites, chat rooms or social network sites. 

Right now I am dating this amazing girl I met on POF and things are working great. We have a lot in common and things are getting intense really quickly.

So yeah, it's been working fine for me. The downside is that I don't feel the need to go out and socialize with girls in the traditional way. I would have a hard time approaching girls face to face in a bar, for example. Breaking the ice and coming up with interesting things to say is a lot easier on a dating website.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

uhhhbrandon said:


> I know what you mean. They also say not to message with a simple hey or they won't respond, but then they respond with that same exact message. WTH?


Right, and I'll bet if you send a long message referencing what she's said in her profile, you'll be considered stalkerish and obsessive, so you can't win either way. These people should just have a drop-down list of responses from which you can choose. I will agree, however, with those who say that they don't want people to contact them who use text speak.

Basically, I've found that the way people talk about themselves in their paragraphs causes them to cancel each other out, leaving their photos and stats to be the only things worth paying attention to.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I, expectedly, have difficulty approaching women in public. Hence, my main method of meeting women has been online dating. This approach has yielded little success in truth. I'm fortunate if I get a 25% response rate from initial messages. And I don't comment on tits or other physical features. I always glean something from their profiles and expound on it. I'm not sure online dating is a panacea, so I'm working on my social anxiety and working towards meeting women naturally, in public.

P.S. POF has been even less fruitful than OkCupid, for me.


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## Opie (Dec 28, 2006)

There are programs out there made for online dating. Where they show you what to write and how to create a profile etc. Essentially copy & paste. I incorporated a lot of the stuff I learned into my messages and profile, and had decent success. Met around 20 girls and got probably like 50 numbers. That was like two or three years ago. Haven't been using online dating much during the last year or so. But haven't had much success when I did try. Probably because a lot of these copy & paste messages are being used by more people. So it's important to use your own words. Having good photos is key, as I have found that women are just as superficial as men with online. I actually created a 'fake' profile of a guy who is good looking as a experiment. And found that I don't even have to write much to girls to get a response, even just "hi" would get me a reply most of the time. And some girls write me too. I could write something that I think is unique and witty to a girl with my real profile and not get a response. But with my fake profile I would easily get a reply. And if I don't reply some these girls get persistent lol.


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## binsky (Jan 26, 2011)

It works for some people... probably the ones who are most honest... and doesn't work for others. No way to determine whether it will work or not but to try it.


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## 3DR (Feb 18, 2009)

Opie said:


> There are programs out there made for online dating. Where they show you what to write and how to create a profile etc. Essentially copy & paste. I incorporated a lot of the stuff I learned into my messages and profile, and had decent success. Met around 20 girls and got probably like 50 numbers. That was like two or three years ago. Haven't been using online dating much during the last year or so. But haven't had much success when I did try. Probably because a lot of these copy & paste messages are being used by more people. So it's important to use your own words. Having good photos is key, as I have found that women are just as superficial as men with online. I actually created a 'fake' profile of a guy who is good looking as a experiment. And found that I don't even have to write much to girls to get a response, even just "hi" would get me a reply most of the time. And some girls write me too. I could write something that I think is unique and witty to a girl with my real profile and not get a response. But with my fake profile I would easily get a reply. And if I don't reply some these girls get persistent lol.


haha I've thought about creating a fake profile just to see what the difference would be and you've confirmed it for me. It really comes down to looks no matter what anyone says.


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