# Episodes of desperate loneliness and extreme depression - what are they called?



## Mark02 (May 4, 2010)

I barely survived this semester in college due to this. My social anxiety means I can't talk to people, or if I do, for some reason that NOBODY is telling me, they don't want to be friends. But then, I can't do homework because a powerful sick feeling overcomes me and makes me pass out--it's a mix of extreme sadness and depression and loneliness.

It's equally bad whether I'm at home and I realize I don't have a friend in the world, or I'm at school and hundreds of socially confident YOUNGER PEOPLE (I'm in my mid-twenties, shamefully still in undergrad) are surrounding me, whether they're talking with their friends or simply getting their work done. I feel like all of them are superior to me, just because they _can_ get their work done/study and I _can't_. What happens is I get sick to my stomach, start getting extremely dizzy, my hands/feet start burning, and I feel extreme emotional pain, like I want to scream and break s***. In the most severe cases I've had full-body seizures.

Anyway, what are these extreme depressive episodes called? Are they part of SA or something else? (Not asking for a diagnosis obviously, just your best guess as to what it is so I can research it myself further.)


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Mark02 said:


> a powerful sick feeling overcomes me and makes me pass out--it's a mix of extreme sadness and depression and loneliness.
> 
> What happens is I get sick to my stomach, start getting extremely dizzy, my hands/feet start burning, and I feel extreme emotional pain, like I want to scream and break s***. In the most severe cases I've had full-body seizures.
> 
> Anyway, what are these extreme depressive episodes called? Are they part of SA or something else? (Not asking for a diagnosis obviously, just your best guess as to what it is so I can research it myself further.)


Panic attacks? A nervous breakdown?


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## Mark02 (May 4, 2010)

Yes, I think they resemble panic attacks, but the feature that stands out is the extreme emotional pain and desperation...at that point, it feels more like a severe depression than anxiety. But you might be right about that.


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## Mileena (Apr 11, 2011)

It sounds really painful and, in a case like yours, I have never heard of anything so intense at a physical level, even though the emotional pain you must be going through is most likely much worse... Id rather get beat hard a hundred times than feeling the loneliness and desperation I feel right now. Have you thought about seeng a doctor?

I have these episodes too where i feel so worthless and so despicable that I need to be with somebody, not saying anything.. today I had my mom miss her gym because I was feeling that way and i couldnt be alone.... i think Im turning borderline now or something


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## Silent Hell (Sep 17, 2010)

I have experienced a similar reaction to what you described. 


I wouldn't define them as a "panic attack", but more of a "depression attack" or a fit of grief. They don't come on when I am anxious, but when I'm severely depressed and isolated. In some times I have also had a shaking reaction, though I'm not sure if it was like a seizure? But in any case I was on the floor kicking my legs and moving my arms uncontrollably back and forth in an odd manner. This might be associated with the severe nausea, possibly part of a reaction to having a gag reflex for hours. 

I have never found much of anything describing this in detail on the internet or in textbooks. The closest conclusion I've come to is that it is some kind of panic attack, although associated with other emotional disturbance instead of anxiety. I've had panic attack before and the symptoms are different - feeling jittery, hyperventilating, fast heart beat, and I felt anxious instead of depressed. But these "depression attacks" as I call them are worse and I'm not able to talk myself out of them like I can with traditional panic attacks.


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## Sapphiress (Jun 15, 2010)

I think you are crying out for a paradigm shift. you keep talking to yourself negatively, it's very extreme and noticeable. You need to learn some new philosophies/coping mechanisms/communication skills and so on. 

hmm also, in your mid-twenties "shamefully" still in undergrad?? I am 26 years old and I haven't went to any college. what does that make me?? 


so... has there been a person in your life who told you that you can't or you have to or that you wouldn't be able to if you tried? 
if there has or hasn't been, the point is that you are stuck with foul ideas and you need to learn some new ones that will be helpful.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Depression often causes very painful physical symptoms as well as emotional symptoms.

When I get really depressed, I sometimes feel like there is a knife in my heart... I start to panic... I want to lash out in desperation but my anxiety won't allow it. I just want anything to make that dreadful feeling go away, but nothing seems to help. 

For this severe type of depression, meds are often the best route. They have helped me a lot. Once you are feeling better, it is easier to work on making life changes that will help you feel better in the long run. Mainly you sound lonely. This is nothing that has to be permanent. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there just like you that could use a friend.

26 isn't that old to be in undergrad. Lots of people would be envious that you are in college at all. Try to get away from people who make you feel bad, especially if you are in a dorm-like environment (that was very stressful for me). Get out, take a walk, and do your homework at a quiet park or something like that.


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## Mark02 (May 4, 2010)

Thanks all you guys for your responses.

Mileena: Yup, I know the feeling. I can't see a doctor b/c I don't have (and can't get) insurance, besides other logistical problems.

Silent Hell: Yes, I know panic attacks too, and I agree: these fits of depression are much worse. 

Sapphiress: I appreciate your insight. My use of "shameful" isn't a comment on anybody else or anything else except for the personal shame I feel for being such an underachiever, not only academically but socially as well (there's a ton of people I have a hell of a lot of respect for that never set foot in college; I feel inferior to them too). I agree that I probably have some messed-up beliefs, but what I go through (see 1st post) is not a sustained depression, but crisis-like episodes that "overcome" me, which no amount of rational/positive thought helps. It's hard to describe. 

kev: I know how you feel too. My SA prevents me from making friends, and even when I push past it and talk to people, they don't "stick around," preferring people they already know. That, and most people my age are past the "making friends" phases of life. My problem is that I can barely do homework at ALL, regardless of setting (see 1st post again). I'm at the mercy of random, intermittent periods of normalcy and calmness.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

I think it's possible to get meds without a prescription for much cheaper, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal. I've never tried it though, and I don't think we're allowed to talk about it on this forum. 

In the mean time, stick to the basics - make sure you are getting enough sleep (this is a biggie) and try to get some exercise even if you are not feeling up to it. Also, is there a school counselor you can talk to for free? Even though they can't give meds and don't have the expertise of a psychologist, they can sometimes be a little helpful.


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## JustinC (May 3, 2010)

Kev offers great advice.

I deal with depression also. What I have found is that when I am in periods of sustained anxiety they are often followed by depression. I think it's awesome your in school. I recommend you focus on the positive stuff; I even suggest maybe making a list you can look at when you are down.The more you focus on having positive/productive ways of dealing with your anxiety the less your depression will potentially be; additionally, the better position you'll be in if you find your self in a vulnerable spot.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I went to school with people in their 30s and 40s who were also undergrads. It's no big deal. I would like to go back to school myself for a Master's possibly someday. At 36, I would be in the middle.

I think it is just severe depression, not really manic or anything.


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## Arisa1536 (Dec 8, 2009)

Sounds like you are going through a bad bout of major depression :hug


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## A Sense of Purpose (May 8, 2011)

Mark02 said:


> What happens is I get sick to my stomach, start getting extremely dizzy, my hands/feet start burning, and I feel extreme emotional pain, like I want to scream and break s***. In the most severe cases I've had full-body seizures.
> 
> Anyway, what are these extreme depressive episodes called? Are they part of SA or something else? (Not asking for a diagnosis obviously, just your best guess as to what it is so I can research it myself further.)


I'd like to point out that depression and anxiety *can be a result of epilepsy in some cases.*

Epileptiform activity can lead to a 'Brain Dump" or a large array of neurotransmitters that in turn, make an individual depressed/anxious.

However, the panic like symptoms suggest an underlying anxiety problem, that may exacerbate seizure like activity. I'd have a look at seeing a specialist, either a neurologist who can rule out physiological problems, and perhaps seek a psychiatrists opinion following the neuro if all is clear.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

A Sense of Purpose said:


> I'd like to point out that depression and anxiety *can be a result of epilepsy in some cases.*
> 
> Epileptiform activity can lead to a 'Brain Dump" or a large array of neurotransmitters that in turn, make an individual depressed/anxious.
> 
> However, the panic like symptoms suggest an underlying anxiety problem, that may exacerbate seizure like activity. I'd have a look at seeing a specialist, either a neurologist who can rule out physiological problems, and perhaps seek a psychiatrists opinion following the neuro if all is clear.


Huh, that's interesting, but will the OP be able to afford a neuro exam without insurance? Not sure how that works.

To be honest, I kind of glossed over the seizure part. I kind of thought you were using an analogy, but guess I shouldn't have assumed that.

Seems to me if you are having seizures, that would be the first thing to check out.


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## Mark02 (May 4, 2010)

Thanks again guys.

kev: Thanks, I will research the meds. I have severe sleeping problems and insomnia...that's another story. Yeah, the seizures are real, but as I said before, can't get treatment. Agree that I should see a school psych...unfortunately, I'm out of school for the summer now...

JustinC: Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Lists haven't helped me in the past, but I agree it's perhaps worth another shot.

milleniumman75: Awesome, and best of luck with your educational ventures. It's just that I envisioned my life being vastly different; i.e., I wasn't supposed to be this old and still struggling to get through college. Seeing younger acquaintances graduate and gain independence, hold jobs (which I can't do), etc...really does a job on me.

Arisa1536: Thanks for your insight and support : )

A Sense of Purpose: Thanks, very interesting indeed. Will research that. Hopefully when I get to see a neurologist (whenever that will be), I can explore that more.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

I can sympathize. I think with those symptoms you should see a psychiatrist though. You can get meds to help control those symptoms.


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