# Finding it really hard to talk to her



## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

I have only had 2 sessions... My therapist is really nice and seems to get me. I feel too self conscious about talking about things that make me seem vulnerable. Ironically the things we have talked about are my fear of being vulnerable. Since it's for my eating disorder as well as anxiety next week I have to write a diary of what I've eaten which mentally I think will cause more problems. A huge issue for me, my main issue, has been the guys in my life and that's the huge thing that makes me feel vulnerable. I find it impossible to say it though. Last week we were talking about me looking for work, I haven't told her in much detail why I left my last job. I think I should bring it up because It's kind of knocking me physically sick again at the moment. That was also down to a man. And so it knocked my confidence with other guys. A friend of mine told me not to mention my "ex"... yeah I use sarcastic quote marks... she said that to me when I started group therapy which was with the same therapist. She basically meant that I'd look stupid if I talked about some guy I knew for 6 months because I've had issues before that. I was really nervous in my session last week because I had a job interview straight afterwards so I was on edge and not that involved. The thing is I'm scared to death of looking vulnerable even to her so there's this severe filter on anything that comes out of my mouth.

Does anyone know what I mean? Or have any advice?

Thanks.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

The only thing I can say to you is that probably the best way to get the most out of this therapy is to just let it all out -- let yourself be vulnerable. Even though it's hard and uncomfortable. I'm assuming you are seeing someone who is trained and professional. I am not in any kind of therapy right now, but I've had a handful of sessions between two different people. It was hard discussing topics that made me feel uncomfortable/embarrassed/unhappy, but if you don't, there's really no point to the therapy. And the information you disclose is confidential. I agree that it can be quite draining though to come out of a session feeling like crap. But I think the idea is that over the long term that should become less and less. (I don't know though, since I've never stayed in therapy long enough.) It's especially important/helpful if you like your therapist. It sounds like you do? Don't undervalue that.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

Thanks for your reply it was helpful. I know I need to just let go and talk. She said it'll get easier as it goes along. Yeah I like my therapist but I think a problem I have is she's quite young and similar to me so I kind of see her as a peer so that makes me nervous, if that makes sense. I know it's silly just one of those things I need to get over.


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## AnxiousIaM (Jan 14, 2010)

Two sessions is nothing. I didn't really start opening up all the way until months into therapy. It takes a while to become comfortable.

Just don't use your discomfort as a reason to stop. Keep at it. if you're not clicking after a couple of months, try a new therapist. Just try not to give up.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

Thanks for that. I think that's mostly it, that it's too early. Still I'm struggling to sleep cos I'm worried about my session tomorrow morning it's 2.20am right now. I think I'm gonna make a couple of notes about big triggers for me but... maybe in a subtler way..? You know so it's not as stressful and difficult to incorporate into the conversation... I'll try that tomorrow morning. Yeah I'm gonna stick with it, deffinately. I know the uncomfortableness is necessary and even if I feel like **** after a session it's for my own benefit. Look how I'm growing lol... you don't know how I was last year so that won't meant much haha... But I am!


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