# I didn't like my first therapy experience..



## LandL84 (Mar 9, 2012)

Hello, 

Today I had my first counseling session and I didn't like it!! I felt like I didn't have a chance to say much, was just giving short answers to her questions and listening to her talking most of the time, watching her scrabbling stuff on paper, cards, constantly shifting through her folders, explaining things about how thoughts cause feelings, how my thoughts are faulty, I should change them (and all my fears, anxiety will disappear...) etc. The things she said wasn't any new to me. I felt like I attended some kind of lecture, not a therapy session. That was not what I expected.
I felt I wasn't heard, she triggered so many emotions and some distant memories and I didn't have a chance to express them, say it all.. 

Couple of weeks before I had an initial assessment appointment with a different psychotherapist at the same therapy center and it was lovely. I said much more in that 20 min appointment and felt so happy how it went. I was expecting that my original sessions will be that kind and was looking forward to it.. I suppose people and therapist are different. 

I came home after the session and couldn't stop crying, this is not what I wanted. I don't want to go back there next week if things will go the same way.. I can hardly imagine I'd be able to open up to her, I felt really uncomfortable and awkward, we didn't click. She said I look skeptical about these methods she was talking about (changing thinking, breathing exercise etc.). But I wasn't skeptical about the exercises I was skeptical about her counseling skills. I just couldn't say it to her... 

Is this normal or I'm just exaggerating and overreacting? Please, need some outside opinion from people who have more counseling experience. 
What should I do next? Give her one more chance or ask for another therapist straight away? :um


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## red shoes (Jun 18, 2012)

I think if you don t feel comfortable with your therapist for any reason you should tell her and just leave. Just trust your instincts and go find somebody else you are more comfortable with, someone who can really help you. Good luck!


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## theJdogg (Sep 18, 2009)

You can certainly ask for a different therapist. Just because a therapist is a therapist, it doesn't mean she can connect with all people. There's always certain people she can connect with and others she won't. Some therapists are more directive and lecturing, and certain clients benefit greatly from this style while others feel unheard or talked-down to. Other therapists follow a more open, person-centered viewpoint. As before, some clients like it and some don't. How a therapist chooses to to about a session depends on the therapist's personality and his or her training and beliefs. Good luck and please dont' give up on therapy altogether. It really is quite beneficial.


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## windchimes (Jun 26, 2012)

If I came home in tears after theraphy, I would quit and find someone else, and you dont have to tell them, just leave and find someone else, I did that and went through a half dozen of them till i found the most amazing T, and she saved me life btw

I had one tell me I was lying about something that I was not, another talked about a rape case with, one she was an juror on, major panic attack when I got home from that one, another talked all about herself, one would not let me talk at all, you really have to sift through them, dont be afraid to, you have to trust the person you are talking too or else it wont work out! Shop around!


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## LandL84 (Mar 9, 2012)

:thanks everyone for your replies!



joinmartin said:


> It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what you want from therapy and I think it's important not to ignore where that idea of what you want comes from. I think that's your healing resources asking for certain things and, since they are running your healing process, it's best to listen to them.
> 
> I would certainly feedback your concerns and your wants to your therapist. That's if you want to give your therapist a second chance. If not, feed those concerns back to the people at the therapy centre and ask if you can be given a different therapist. It's perfectly okay to do that*. This is your healing process.


Thank you Martin. I've decided to give my therapist a second chance and see how things will go on our next session. At least I know now what to expect and I'll be ready for this. I find it extremely hard to give someone a negative feedback, I'm afraid I might hurt someone else's feelings.. But I was avoiding that most of my life and now I have to put my feelings first. I'll go there open minded, but If I get the same feeling about her again, then I'll tell her straight away. I always trust my instincts.



red shoes said:


> I think if you don t feel comfortable with your therapist for any reason you should tell her and just leave. Just trust your instincts and go find somebody else you are more comfortable with, someone who can really help you. Good luck!


Yes, it's so important for me to feel comfortable with the person straight away, I can make that invisible connection really fast if I can feel it there. I always trust my gut, it has never failed me.. I'm extremely sensitive, when I'm not comfortable with someone seems all the bells are ringing and I just want to run away..



theJdogg said:


> You can certainly ask for a different therapist. Just because a therapist is a therapist, it doesn't mean she can connect with all people. There's always certain people she can connect with and others she won't. Some therapists are more directive and lecturing, and certain clients benefit greatly from this style while others feel unheard or talked-down to. Other therapists follow a more open, person-centered viewpoint. As before, some clients like it and some don't. How a therapist chooses to to about a session depends on the therapist's personality and his or her training and beliefs. Good luck and please dont' give up on therapy altogether. It really is quite beneficial.


Thank you theJdogg. I was starting to think maybe there's something wrong with me, not the therapist.. I thought maybe I'm a difficult client and started to feel guilty about my reaction.. But after reading this post I feel much better, I just need to find a perfect match.. 



windchimes said:


> If I came home in tears after theraphy, I would quit and find someone else, and you dont have to tell them, just leave and find someone else, I did that and went through a half dozen of them till i found the most amazing T, and she saved me life btw


I'm glad you found an amazing T and she saved your life  I feel happy for you! Hope there's somewhere my life savior as well


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Deleted


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## LandL84 (Mar 9, 2012)

Thank you Martin, that sounds really encouraging  I'll keep that in mind. 

Well, I pushed myself to seek help, that was the biggest thing I've done in a long time.. that might be a progress. It's so hard, I feel scared, but there's no other way, otherwise my life will completely fall apart.. Hope all I'm doing now will help me and I can start living healthy, happy and fullfilling life where I can finally break free from my fears and anxieties, build self-confidence and reach the very top - self-actualization. I want to so much, there's no living without it..


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## windchimes (Jun 26, 2012)

Thank you You will find someone safe, just use your gut instinct, that is built inside of us and we are taught to ignore it, dont do that, its there and its there to guide you in life.

Keep on working on yourself, even if your not with someone you can trust right now..do all you can to help yourself, eat a healthy diet, workout, keep good sleep patterns and always keep toxic people on a long stick...

If you can do that, your be halfway there! Best wishes to you.


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