# How common are incompatible therapists?



## NotSoSilentHill (Feb 4, 2013)

Before using mental health forums, I didn't even realize you could have a bad therapist, or not get along with it one, and that some people have to meet and 'try out' several before finding one they can work with.

I'm considering seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever, mainly for, what I'm pretty sure is social anxiety disorder, possible avoidant personality disorder, and some other things.

Put it VERY simply, talking is the cure, but talking is my problem and just meeting with one therapist is daunting enough and if I don't get it right the first time, I'll probably give up for a while.

So, *did you get a compatible therapist on your first go? Or did you have to see a few first? How many before you found the right one?*


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## mcgilicutty (Apr 9, 2012)

Sorry I'm not specifically answering your question but the one that I have now I'm sort of stuck with. Believe it or not, he is at times belligerent, condescending, egotistical, judgmental, defensive and manipulative! Sometimes I react to that crap after I leave sessions with rage and despair, to say the least.

However – other times we get along well and have somewhat of a decent relationship. That probably sounds odd. The main thing is that *because* he is often difficult – that has forced me to be assertive with him – which is more than I could ever hope for as far as getting practice being assertive with the many people I run into in the real world who are like he is!

I have to tell you though that it took me an extremely long time to get to the point where I could be assertive with a therapist. If I could start over, I would do anything possible to help myself be assertive with therapists. (Like use the power posing stuff off tedtalks, etc.) They can't hit you. All they can do is fire you and if they do, that's good because if they can't deal with an assertive client, they're not worth your time.

I know that you may not want that type of therapist now but if you run into one like that & quit them, maybe remember who they are so that if youre ever willing and able to be assertive with one, you might want to go back to use them for practice standing up for yourself. Works 4 me so far. 

I really hope you find one who helps!


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

I went through three previous therapists before sticking with the one I've seen now for over a year. The first I only had one appointment with and knew it wouldn't work out- I never went back. The second and third were okay, but I realized I wasn't able at the time to be as open as I needed to be in order to be helped from anyone, so I saw each for about three or four months then stopped those appointments, too. When I tried again years later I took those previous experiences and had a much better idea of what I needed to do and what I expected of the person I'd be speaking with. Luckily the first doctor I scheduled with this last time around has worked out and he's been able to help me the most and I've been able to share the most. 

That's just my experience so far. It was difficult with every doctor to initially explain what was going on, but keeping in mind that they are there to help put my mind at as much ease as was possible each time. You may not click with the first doctor and their approach in treating you, but I believe it's worth it to continue in trying to find the right kind of help for your particular needs.


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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

I only found one I could tolerate out of ten, so I'd say it's pretty common to have difficulty finding someone you are truly comfortable with.


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## SuzyA (May 3, 2013)

*Therapists*

I have had numerous psychiatrists and psychologists over the years. Some helped me more than others. Through the grace of God I have now been with the same psychiatrist for 10 years and he is truly my lifeline. He is marvelous. I also see a great psychologist. I think you just know when it's a good fit and have to trust your instincts.:yes


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## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

It's true you should ideally find a compatible therapist but when your illness makes it impossible to be compatible with anyone they tell you just to go. It doesn't even matter if you just sit and stare at them. The point is to eventually make a connection with someone no matter how long it takes. Eventually that relationship will be a healthy model for your "real life" ones.


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## ginanz (Apr 2, 2012)

NotSoSilentHill said:


> Before using mental health forums, I didn't even realize you could have a bad therapist, or not get along with it one, and that some people have to meet and 'try out' several before finding one they can work with.
> 
> I'm considering seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever, mainly for, what I'm pretty sure is social anxiety disorder, possible avoidant personality disorder, and some other things.
> 
> ...


It's normal not to like some... I know I have met two I didn't like. It's kind of like when you make a friend, some people you glue with and others you don't. And the great thing is they totally understand this and most will say it's okay if you don't or do want to continue, as liking the person is part of trusting them.


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## Green Eyes (Sep 6, 2009)

I have had lots of therapist in the past 6 years. But in some treatments you had more therapist. I had about 7 therapies and that makes a total of about 20 therapists. With some I had to do more than others. But of all those only the one I have now really helps me. She is the only one who knows how my sa works and understands me.
Unfortunately there are a lot of therapist who say they can help you or even really thinks they can help you, but are just mot right for you. I have made the mistake to stay to long with such a therapist, just because I didn't know what else I should do. If you really feel like they can't help you, look for another. Don't waste to much time with a therapist who can't help you.


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## dumbusername (Aug 5, 2012)

I had like 3, but I couldn't really connect with them or whatever, and I just panicked every time I had to go...And now I'm afraid to find a new one. So I guess, don't worry if you don't find the right one on the first try.


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## cellophanegirl (Sep 21, 2009)

I've had a number of them, and I'd say the one I have now is probably the best one yet, but by no means perfect. I had one really terrible one, and the rest have been in the middle. I'd also say that as I've grown up it's been easier for me to talk with a therapist, and therefore the sessions are more useful. Some of my early sessions had long periods of deafening silence. And I'm quite good at waiting out awkward silences. 

My best advice is just pick one for right now and see how it goes. They might be right or they might not, but at least you're on the road to improving your SA. No therapist is going to be perfect, and there's no way for you to know which one is the "best" before going. Just accepting that and going anyway is the first step. Needing things to be "perfect" is part of anxiety/fear, and being able to move past that is a good first move towards conquering your SA.


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

I am sorry to have to say this but I no longer believe that a paid therapist can ever be very helpful. The reason for this is connected to the very evident and easily confirmed waves of disappointment including surprising stories of therapist abuse, both subtle and overt. There is such a high rate of abusive relations precisely because the patient/client is a vulnerable person who is going to have to confide exactly how they are vulnerable to the therapist. And since the therapist is doing it for money and in most cases to fuel their own pathology-in this case a need for self-aggrandizement-they will not actually put the other person's best interests above their own dirty ones. There are sooooo many examples of ridiculously abusive behaviours on the part of these mostly unscrupulous people, often handily covered by ritualized memes of professionalism, that it demands being publicly addressed. Coupled with the fact that the 'success' rate for therapy is extremely low, and contentious at that, I cannot understand how the therapy industry continues other than to explain it as a dangerous predatory fraud that shields the successful members of society from facing deeper issues that they don't want to change. 

Then vulnerable people who want therapy get 'managed' for entire lifetimes...to what end? If you do not have a friend at all you may, sadly, be better off taking chances with a therapist and hoping that they don't take opportunities to put you down in subtle ways to make themselves feel better. But even if you are lucky enough to find a clean one, the benefit will almost certainly be temporary at best. Real friends and social networks are the only thing that would actually fix most broken people but that ends up coming dangerously close to letting losers put their hands in the social pie. If you don't have a mentor who is on your team in what is a competitive and hierarchical society you will likely not overcome your problems. I hope everyone who is alone and sees a therapist does get better, I hope they all prove me wrong. But I doubt it, unfortunately. 

Just look at the evidence. Think back to some of the questionable interactions you've had with doctors/therapists when you are in a rare moment of better mental health that includes some self-respect. Imagine if you didn't have to desperately invest unjustified hope in it like some who desperately cling to religion because they have nothing else (I am not necessarily against religion btw). If you honestly think it is good for you then obviously, keep doing it, great. But for most there comes a time when, for them, the charade has to end.

I encourage anyone who has been mistreated by a doctor or therapist to go to websites like RateMDs and do the public a service by giving the abusers a bad rating and comment. If you think that I am exaggerated in my cynicism about doctors you should know that I have recently discovered that several doctors have been writing glowing reviews ABOUT THEMSELVES. This is extremely serious and demonstrates just how crazy, dishonest, and obsessed with their perceived status a huge number of doctors actually are. I have known people who went to med school and still know one personally 
so I can tell you they are not as they are often represented in movies, as well meaning people. And writing reviews about yourself is likely grounds for professional discipline and certainly evidence of bad character. The people who get into med school are often very dirty and marginalized patients with psych problems are routinely abused by them for money. There are numerous cases of sexual abuse/ rape / date rape / emotional manipulation etc but since those take a lot of work to hide they are the minority. However, just as bad is the much less addressed phenomenon of the routine mistreatment patients are subjected to that don't fully 'cross the line' and are never reported, in which the doctors put the patients down or use the patient patronizingly in order to inflate their pride. The cumulative effect of this is no doubt bad for anyone's health...and it happens constantly all over the place. If you saw the Seinfeld episode about doctors you are seeing just the tip of the iceberg. This is a real phenomenon and it turns out doctors and therapists are extremely questionable people, often very mediocre, who fill the void in their lives by exploiting and mistreating their clients and patients.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I've had one therapist. We weren't compatible.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

I've come to the conclusion that my psychiatrist is worthless. He's terrible. Just terrible.

Only problem is I need him to get drugs imported into this country that I can't get anywhere else. But it's usually a low point of my week talking to his absent-minded, indifferent ***. I really want to try a proper therapist. I actually leave his sessions feeling more pointless, more insignificant, more sad.


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## AnxietyGirlx (Feb 26, 2011)

It took the social worker 3 therapy sessions and a misdiagnosis to finally find out from the psychiatrist that I have depression and social anxiety. I supposedly had agoraphobia. He kept trying to pinpoint whether I was claustrophobic, schizophrenic, alcoholic, abused, just stressed, just someone who needs to talk things out because I'm a girl and girls need to talk about their feelings, or whatnot.


The doctor only diagnosed me correctly because I told him straight up that I'm depressed and that my social anxiety prevents me going outside and prevents me from having a job or going to school. I'm the type of person who prefers minimal conversation too cuz I tire so easily.

It just irks me that with "professional help" no matter how much education they've received and money they've earned, that they're pretty much useless for the patient's healing process.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

I tried two therapists. The first one was sorta helpful but he kind of gave up on me when we were doing exposures so that kinda discouraged me. He said not to return unless I was on medication. The second therapist was annoying, she didn't really help me much and she was unprofessional so I stopped seeing her... I'm gonna look for another therapist hopefully this one will be helpful... if not I'll probably give up on therapists


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I always feel _worse_ after seeing my psychiatrist, social worker and therapist, too. My last social/community worker, who I had coffee with once a week, had a mouth like a toilet and was a total misanthrope - how/why the hell did he go into that business?


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

had 3 , no compatibility with any


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I've seen at least fourteen therapists/counselors/psychologists (well, at least one other when I was a kid, but I don't really remember that) and two psychiatrists. The therapist I saw the most was the one I was most okay with, although she didn't really help me at all. There was one therapist I saw only once as a teenager who might have also been okay. Most of the others I disliked.


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## namasthey (Mar 27, 2013)

I met 5 psychatrist
And 5 counsellors
The current psychatrist seems fine to me...i have met him once
One of the counsellor kept me asking me to get a job and i would feel fine
I told her that i have social anxiety and cant get a job
I havent met a counsellor after that
i might just continue with psychatrist and medication
and if i hit a low bottom i might search for a counsellor.:roll


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

Wow.. so many people have had bad experiences :-S


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