# How to talk to the counselor/therapist when you don't know how to talk about feelings



## masterekat

I tried to get some psychological help around this time last year and it went about as far as me nearly breaking down and crying on the phone with the receptionist when she asked me why I wanted to see someone. I could barely squeeze out "social anxiety and depression". Between my cracking voice and my crappy phone that kept breaking up, the receptionist had a hard time hearing me and of course she told me several times that she couldn't. I know it's stupid, but I have a lot of issues with people telling me I'm too quiet and that I don't talk enough because to me it feels like they're pointing out a character flaw that I can't control in front of everyone. Anyway, I associated her not being able to hear me with all of that stuff that people say about me on a constant basis, so when the receptionist called me back and left a voicemail a few days later, I was too embarrassed to return the call.

I haven't been in a constant depression since that time, but it has came and went numerous times, and my most recent episode was over the weekend and was actually starting to scare me with the thoughts I was having. Anyway, my husband called Community Counseling for me and is in the middle of getting something arranged. I sincerely hope it works out, because I'm scared of what will happen to me if I continue to just let this go. But when I do finally get in to see someone, I'm just not sure how it's going to go. I know they're going to ask me why I'm there, but I don't really know what I'm going to say. I'm worried I'm not going to be able to come up with anything because I know that talking about this is going to make me cry and I can't stand crying in front of someone I don't really know, or anyone for that matter, so if that happens, I know I'll clam up. I just don't want the person I'll go see to tell me I'm fine and that nothing is wrong with me because I can't accurately explain what's going on. Because honestly, if this doesn't work, I'm not sure I have any other options, other than to carry a flask of whiskey around with me wherever I go lol. :cup

Anyway, is there anyone who can sort of give me a nudge in the right direction and sort of explain to me how the conversation went during their "first time on the couch" so to speak? Someone suggested on another post writing down some notes and bringing them along. I'm going to try to do that because I think it might help a little, but I'm afraid it's just going to turn into a long, disorganized, self-loathing rant, like the ones my journal is full of. Any suggestions to keep things short, simple, and consise?


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## athena2012

You could tell them how uncomfortable you are talking about your feelings and mention the concerns that you have brought up here. They will probably have a bunch of questions for you as well so you probably don't have to worry about it being a disorganized rant. When I feel like crying, I just slow everything right down and speak at a pace I can handle. If I have to slow down my breathing to achieve that, then I do that too. If I still can't regain my composure then I just stay silent for a bit until I calm down. And remember, the therapist is there because they have chosen this field - they want to help. They've likely listened to lots of people with major depression or worse.


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## HardToExplain

Oh my god, I was so quiet during my first few sessions. My therapist gave me a questionnaire about my goals and whatnot and most of them I just left blank and said I didn't know how to answer that but my therapist just asked me more easier to answer questions (like yes or no questions). There's no pressure for me to spill my guts out or anything and eventually when I opened up more it's because I felt comfortable doing it.


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## NightRunner

Just give a brief description of what you're feeling. I know that it may turn into a long rant about what's going on, but the therapist should be able to get a good idea as to what you're going through. Don't worry about writing too much or anything like that; the therapist is there because he or she wants to help you. If there is anything really important that you're worried about not being able to say, just write it down and give it to who you see. I hope your first session goes well!


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## BestWishes

I am 20 years old & first saw my counselor when I was about 17..my mom went with me to m appointments & sat with me..she did most of the talking..After a while I could talk more..explaining I am depressed,have social anxiety/don't like going out/seeing people/always nervous. They ask what can we help you with? I was stuck on that because I thought idk.....but then my mom answered for me saying help her to get better/just get through the day..because its hard for her. So im glad my mom was there for me! Now im seeing the best councelor & I am able to talk good..also Im not as depressed/socially anxious. I feel way better. You can bring a journal & let the councelor read through it if you want.


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## realitycheck001

*I not laughing but I am (you are who I was)*

I used to call the right side stuff "e" words for emotion words. As a start, you may want to find a list of them. The e words are adjectives in their lowest form (like a lowest common denominator). You can attempt to find them by filling in this blank, "I feel ____." I feel sad. I feel like crying. I feel happy. I feel uncomfortable talking to you about this. I feel really nervous because I don't know how to express what I feel. I feel a tightness in my face and chest.

In the beginning when I was very much an adult and sometimes (often), I still get stuck. When I do I have to ask for help figuring out how I feel because I may be lost and can't find my feelings. That's usually the, "I feel really confused as to how to tell you this because I don't know how I feel."

A good therapist (as has been said) will step you though this process.

Best of luck to you. Oh what a feeling, huh?


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## realitycheck001

*Sorry, wish I could edit my prior post*

Carrying a flash of whiskey around, even though I know how that feels, too (really but I didn't) will make you numb. That's a set up for really not feeling and you probably want to figure out if you want to feel or not. In the beginning (not of creation), I wanted to feel numb. I still do now and then.

This is tough. In essence, you're building a relationship with yourself. All relationships take work and are hard now and then.


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