# How did you get a girlfriend?



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

So I just met a girl today, she was eating her lunch by herself and I decided to take a chance and be friendly, we talked and I added her on facebook, I'm trying to figure out the next step for showing interest.

To any guys on here: how did you get a girl to like you or show her you're a good person and then eventually make her your girlfriend? Thanks!


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

wow, great job! you just did the hardest part for me personally: approaching!

the next step is pretty simple. you want to communicate with her and basically ask her questions, comment and build comfort with her. you want her to get to a know a little about you and you her. you don't have to talk for hours but what you do want to do is get her feeling like she can "trust" you a little bit. communication is a good way to show her other things about yourself as well, things such as your value via interests, goals, etc..and it also gives you an opportunity to find out the same about her...

after you find out a little about her and her you and you establish a sort of bond (doesn't have to be a great bond at all; just a little) then you can ask her to hang out somewhere on the phone or facebook near the end of the conversation or you can ask at a later time (but don't wait too long)....i'd ask for a time to hang out within the week.....

after that, it's kind of repeat


----------



## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

good job! i've never done that before lol.


----------



## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

Do not, and I mean do not seem eager to "Have a girlfriend." The only way that attitude would work was if she was that eager to have a boyfriend, which is unlikely. I'm not saying you are acting like that, I just see too many guys throw on the sensitive romantic guy act from the movies and end up freaking out the girl. Just hang out and see how things go. You should be able to tell if she likes you just by watching her. Not freakishly staring btw lol.

Look up some reading dating body language videos. Some are cheesy like those losers who call themselves pick up experts, but knowing basic human body language can help a lot. I think learning that is one of the most important things I ever did as far as dating goes. That and finding Paxil which completely destroyed all of my social anxiety lol. Dating is pretty damn easy now. It's crazy how stupid and anxious I was. Pretty soon you'll be saying the same thing.

Also....depending on each of your experience levels, you definitely want to wait awhile before you consider actually becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. I've gotten caught a few times where I regret asking a girl "out" a couple weeks down the road when I find out she's not who I thought.

Oh and if you've been somewhat dating for awhile and want to make sure you're actually in a relationship. Ask her if she wants to be exclusive. It's not a big deal and most people won't care, but asking a girl if she wants to "go out" after you've already been going out places for a few weeks can be weird and/or confusing if she doesn't get where you're going. And asking her if she can "Be your girlfriend" just sounds weird......maybe you could try "Do you want to change our facebook relationship statuses?" lol.

Good luck. Post on these boards if you have any questions. Even though it's full of people just like you, plenty of people here have solid advice.


----------



## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

I wasn't looking for anyone to begin with and thats when I stopped chasing after girls and let them chase after me, if they want to. Met this girl at the industrial club after she saw me dancing on the main platform, and she thought I was very attractive, which I initially scoffed at her and ignored her. Next time I was there, she approached me again and danced with me running her hands on me, and I was like "ok maybe there is something". After that, we started getting to know each other, on a friend-level, and we both fell for each other, so we took it the next step. Dating for 3 1/2 months now.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I never got a girlfriend, lol.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I signed up at a dating site. Was lucky that she initiated.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

I have not had a girlfriend yet and I've just never had any girls approach me or show any genuine interest in me yet. Only times girls approach me or contact me is when they need help with classwork. I'm not helping anybody with schoolwork anymore though because I felt used all last year.

I don't know how ANY guys get girls to approach them at all.

Let's hope I can talk to her and try and get things rolling soon, I'm waiting a few days to contact her on facebook.


----------



## UniversalPolymath (Jun 3, 2011)

I hired a guy to mug her, so I could swoop in unexpectedly and recover her purse for her. We've been really tight ever since.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

She asked me out, luckily.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Syndacus said:


> I wasn't looking for anyone to begin with and thats when I stopped chasing after girls and let them chase after me, if they want to. Met this girl at the industrial club after she saw me dancing on the main platform, and she thought I was very attractive, which I initially scoffed at her and ignored her. Next time I was there, she approached me again and danced with me running her hands on me, and I was like "ok maybe there is something". After that, we started getting to know each other, on a friend-level, and we both fell for each other, so we took it the next step. Dating for 3 1/2 months now.




Congrats!


----------



## Axolotl (Sep 19, 2011)

Believe it or not... _Xbox Live..._

Yeah, sharing interests, having things in common and chemistry makes for a good start. We met a while before Valentine's Day and started playing/talking everynight and have almost everynight since. We'll have been officially together for 7 months on Wednesday =D

I'm in WA and she's in OH, but I plan to go there and visit/have her come here and visit. I think we'll get along well offline. I mean, we talk on the phone/xbox/computer all the time, and we know a lot about eachother.

But yeah, try looking where you'll both have common interests right off, like a GameStop(if you're like me), a sporting event(not like me) or some other place of your selected hobby. Next, just talk, stay in contact and keep your friendship going at first. I found it much easier than I thought, though it could be because we met online. BUT, that's a great way to start when I think of it, you base your feeling on the other's person's character, not looks at all =]

Good luck everyone!


----------



## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

The best advice I have for you is to read PUA stuff. You may be skeptical, and I certainly was at first, but it is useful and down-to-Earth. At least SoSuave is. Take a look at this article and tell me what you think: 
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/geeks.htm There's also bunch of other articles just like it.

If anything about that was useful, consider reading SoSuave's 'Don Juan bible,' which is the site's main text, free, and available here. http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

So far, the main thing I've learned from reading SoSuave (I've only just started) is that almost everything about getting girls boils down to 'being masculine.' The thing Xeros said about not seeming eager to have a girlfriend is gold, for example, because that makes you seem desperate and hence not masculine.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

sighsigh said:


> The best advice I have for you is to read PUA stuff. You may be skeptical, and I certainly was at first, but it is useful and down-to-Earth. At least SoSuave is. Take a look at this article and tell me what you think:
> http://www.sosuave.com/articles/geeks.htm There's also bunch of other articles just like it.
> 
> If anything about that was useful, consider reading SoSuave's 'Don Juan bible,' which is the site's main text, free, and available here. http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/
> ...


Every time I've tried reading some tip site, they just build you up and then just finally say "BUY MY BOOK AND YOU WILL GET BEAUTIFUL WOMEN". Those sites also seem to blow dating out of proportion and make it seem like a damn science class where laws, theories and concepts must be learned and memorized, can anyone vouch for these sites in particular?


----------



## Famous (Sep 6, 2011)

Odd Times said:


> So I just met a girl today, she was eating her lunch by herself and I decided to take a chance and be friendly, we talked and I added her on facebook, I'm trying to figure out the next step for showing interest.
> 
> To any guys on here: how did you get a girl to like you or show her you're a good person and then eventually make her your girlfriend? Thanks!


I was 15, I got drunk and stole a car, I went to the youthclub disco, I saw a girl and went right up and kissed her, she kissed me right back, she was 14, we went off in the stolen car,

We were luvved up for 4 yrs, then she wised up lol 

That was 35 yrs ago.
I do not think this method would work nowadays


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

PUA is good stuff if you want to **** girls, not if you want to keep them. Unless you're willing to play a game daily.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

TPower said:


> PUA is good stuff if you want to **** girls, not if you want to keep them. Unless you're willing to play a game daily.


It'd be nice to have sex with a girl that I care about and if she feels the same way. I'm not trying to have sex with some random girl, I passed up opportunities like that last year.

That's I HATE the Pick-up Artist Community or as like to call the "D-Bag Community".

I just want to finally be able to form a normal romantic relationship with a girl, people tell me I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm in college right now. I know once I graduate and go on to med-school my opportunities will be reduced to almost nothing and then when I'm done in Med-School, just forget about it =(


----------



## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

Well, I want a serious relationship and have no interest whatsoever in casual pickups, and I found the material very enlightening.

In terms of what to do next, I'd advise you follow that step-by-step dating guide article I linked. I mean, the steps required to getting a date aren't that complicated. I think that article gives a good introduction for newbies.

As for how to get her to say YES when you ask her out on a date... my advice is to be as masculine as possible. Just think about this:

You like girls who are soft, fragile, warm, nuturing, have long hair, slender bodies, etc., correct? 

You wouldn't like a girl who was 6 feet tall, had short spiked hair, was buffed up, had a low voice, with the personality of a quarterback, etc., right?

Well girls think along the exact same lines as you. Except...they think the EXACT opposite. They like the latter, and they don't like the former. Just like you like the former, and not the latter. So be the latter, and not the former. Ok?


----------



## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Actually, I hate the latter, but then I'm just one girl.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I hate how pickup is always cited. 

If I wanted to change my personality, and be a d bag, I would never respect myself afterward.


----------



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I met people on sas chat, met them in person, met sas girl, went to sas girl's house with other sas people and kept other sas people from breaking her stuff. i also helped her with nintendo.

then we got drunk and hooked up. been together ever since


----------



## 99GAGT3x00 (Sep 20, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> wow, great job! you just did the hardest part for me personally: approaching!


don't think i would have been able to do that and even if i did it probably would have been incredibly awkward.


----------



## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Haven't a clue. I need to start looking again, now that I'm starting to get my life back in order (crossing fingers).

My only real "girlfriend" more or less used me - she was "on break" with her boyfriend, and was probably feeling lonely and empty. But on the other hand, you could argue I used her as well. I think we were both just lonely, but yeah, she made all the moves. I didn't do a damn thing. Didn't last very long - I basically ended it because things got confusing and weird. 

Most guys aren't players. I read once in a statistical analysis it's about 2 or 3% of the population that is very promiscous - not much at all. We just need to get out of the house more and off the dam internet! At least I do.


----------



## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Definitely don't listen to anyone who says, "Stop looking for one and one will come to you."

That's complete bull****, and nothing in life is ever obtained by NOT pursuing it.


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

Peter Attis said:


> Definitely don't listen to anyone who says, "Stop looking for one and one will come to you."
> 
> That's complete bull****, and nothing in life is ever obtained by NOT pursuing it.


The problem is that I don't even know how to start pursuing such a goal.

Do I wake up in the morning and tell myself that today I'm gonna get a girlfriend?


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

Yeah, I keep reading things like: "once you start going for the girl, you can't win", "the girl should be doing things for you", "she should win you over", can anyone vouch on if this is true? 

It's really confusing and frustrating. It also sucks when you can meet other people but none of them ever show any interest other than if you can help them pass a class. The only 2 girls that ever showed interest in me had ISSUES, issues no guy would want to be the burden of.


----------



## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

Odd Times said:


> Yeah, I keep reading things like: "once you start going for the girl, you can't win", "the girl should be doing things for you", "she should win you over", can anyone vouch on if this is true?


The answer is: both yes and no.

As a male, you must be the pursuer. You must initiate all contact: the conversation, the date, the first kiss, etc. This demonstrates your confidence. A girl will not initiate even if her life depends on it, because that is just not her role as a female. She is actually testing you to see if you have the very confidence (i.e. the masculinity) to do what is required. Girls who do initiate tend to be unfeminine (and, as such, unattractive).

However, you must not pursue too far. What this means is that you cannot put her on a pedestal. If you pursue too forcibly, then you will come across as desperate. Thoughts such as "this girl is going to be my future wife," or something along those lines, are toxic.

So the key is to strike a balance. The way to do this is to pursue, but pursue with the mindset of "I don't need you [this girl] to be happy. I get girls all the time, simply because I'm awesome, and I don't really give a sh*t if you say yes or no to me." And so what inetivably happens is that the tables are turned, and based on your attitude the girl puts YOU on the pedestal. That doesn't mean the girl will pursue you. It only means that now, when you pursue her, she will say yes. : )


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

plenty of fish.


----------



## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

_AJ_ said:


> I met people on sas chat, met them in person, met sas girl, went to sas girl's house with other sas people and kept other sas people from breaking her stuff. i also helped her with nintendo.
> 
> then we got drunk and hooked up. been together ever since


 sounded fun!:b


----------



## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

sighsigh said:


> A girl will not initiate even if her life depends on it, because that is just not her role as a female. She is actually testing you to see if you have the very confidence (i.e. the masculinity) to do what is required. Girls who do initiate tend to be unfeminine (and, as such, unattractive).


You're an idiot, and quite offensive.


----------



## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

That sounds like somthing outa a movie. Did you really do that or was that a joke ?


UniversalPolymath said:


> I hired a guy to mug her, so I could swoop in unexpectedly and recover her purse for her. We've been really tight ever since.


----------



## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Odd Times said:


> Yeah, I keep reading things like: "once you start going for the girl, you can't win", "the girl should be doing things for you", "she should win you over", can anyone vouch on if this is true?
> 
> It's really confusing and frustrating. It also sucks when you can meet other people but none of them ever show any interest other than if you can help them pass a class. The only 2 girls that ever showed interest in me had ISSUES, issues no guy would want to be the burden of.


I think the best thing to do is to throw all rules out the window. That's the problem in the first place - we SA people perceive too many rules and are afraid to break them. Don't worry about being seen as desperate, not being confident, going after her too hard, etc. etc. In that not-caring state, you will meet plenty of women, and your chances of getting a girlfriend will go up astronomically. That's my theory anyway.



sighsigh said:


> Girls who do initiate tend to be unfeminine (and, as such, unattractive).


I disagree. She would only seem unfeminine if she displayed an aggressive personality. Just approaching wouldn't seem unfeminine at all. I would love it if a girl initiated something with me.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

Ape in space said:


> I disagree. She would only seem unfeminine if she displayed an aggressive personality. Just approaching wouldn't seem unfeminine at all. I would love it if a girl initiated something with me.


I concur with this, women should talk to us first too, it would make things easier and give us a confidence boost =)


----------



## Xande (Jul 18, 2011)

Odd Times said:


> I concur with this, women should talk to us first too, it would make things easier and give us a confidence boost =)


Lol just cause it will make things easier and more fair in our eyes doesn't mean it will happen. Only times I have seen females approach guys, as a stranger, is when they're very attracted to them (lol or if they're drunk).


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

I've had quite the opposite response from drunk girls.

One of my friends was drunk at a party once, I asked if she wanted to dance, she gave me the typical response "Maybe later". 
2 minutes later she was trying to make out with one of my friends, I was really pissed.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Worked on my confidence for the 5 months prior, when I saw her, I forced myself to talk to her. When we got to pick lab groups, I walked up to her and another cute girl and asked them if they wanted to be in my group. I forced myself to ignore my SA and make jokes, and conversation - worked great. I acted like myself, nothing more, nothing less. I made sure we hung out after our class ended. I made sure to see her on New Years, and I made sure to get her alone. I made her a personal gift to charm her - it worked. The whole kissing bit was actually very awkward (I was way too timid and lacking in confidence), and it almost killed it, but I was honest with how I felt about her, and I knew she felt the same way about me. We've been in a great relationship for almost 9 months now .


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

SAS. Sexy And Single's.


----------



## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I'm not even sure anymore.


----------



## lonely metalhead (Apr 22, 2011)

Nidhoggr said:


> SAS. Sexy And Single's.


clever


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Innamorata said:


> You're an idiot, and quite offensive.


Could you be a little more expressive with your feelings???


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Innamorata said:


> You're an idiot, and quite offensive.


There's no need to resort to name calling.

For the record, I agree with you that it was offensive. Girls do initiate, and all the time.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

Nidhoggr said:


> SAS. Sexy And Single's.


Indeed. We are all sexy in our own ways :boogie

I'm still trying to meet more girls at my school. According to the sites someone kindly provided, I need to be more "sexual" around girls as "nice" guys aren't really sexual. This is something I don't believe I've ever really done (didn't want to seem like a perv). Thoughts or suggestions for us all?


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Innamorata said:


> You're an idiot, and quite offensive.


Maybe you're in denial, or one of the very rare exceptions, but either way, that statement you didn't like is true way way way more often than not. I can, off the top of my head, think of only one girl who actually was the one to initiate. I've also talked to multiple girls who said that they'd never initiate, ever. One of my female friends even told me that, as a rule, if she meets a guy who shows interest in her, if he doesn't act within two weeks, she won't go out with him, period.

Hell, the only place you ever see females regularly pursuing males is in animals where the male takes care of the young (see sea horses), otherwise from a survival/evolutionary standpoint, it only makes sense for males to be the ones to compete for a female, who bears far more burden than the male in terms of dealing with offspring. That doesn't mean that women are always looking for a baby-daddy, but just that behaviorally, it is hard to escape evolutionary tendencies.


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Innamorata said:


> You're an idiot, and quite offensive.


This is true. :yes

I know many girls (at least 5 off the top of my head, not including myself) who've initiated. Guess they never got the memo.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> This is true. :yes
> 
> I know many girls (at least 5 off the top of my head, not including myself) who've initiated. Guess they never got the memo.


How many girls do you know?


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

lonelyjew said:


> How many girls do you know?


More than the average person on here.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> More than the average person on here.


So what percentage is 5 out of that?


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

lonelyjew said:


> So what percentage is 5 out of that?


I said off the top of my head. I'm sure there are many more who have approached guys. No need to be patronizing.  It's true a lot of women won't approach guys, but its just social conditioning. I used to be that way until I grew up and realized it was okay to go for what (or rather who) I wanted. It also depends on the situation, women will usually not approach guys they don't know anything about, such as randomly in a park, but there are some women who do that too.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> I said off the top of my head. I'm sure there are many more who have approached guys. No need to be patronizing.  It's true a lot of women won't approach guys, but its just social conditioning. I used to be that way until I grew up and realized it was okay to go for what (or rather who) I wanted. It also depends on the situation, women will usually not approach guys they don't know anything about, such as randomly in a park, but there are some women who do that too.


You're right, sorry. After 13 hours of studying, I have a bad habit of posting like a bit of a jerk. I'm with you on this. I think if girls can get past the social conditioning, and be proactive in getting guys to date them, maybe some more of the many good guys who are too shy to ask a girl out would be able to a girl, and the girls would get good guys, who would treat them how they deserve (not to mention girls wouldn't be reliable on guys for dates).


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

lonelyjew said:


> You're right, sorry. After 13 hours of studying, I have a bad habit of posting like a bit of a jerk. I'm with you on this. I think if girls can get past the social conditioning, and be proactive in getting guys to date them, maybe some more of the many good guys who are too shy to ask a girl out would be able to a girl, and the girls would get good guys, who would treat them how they deserve (not to mention girls wouldn't be reliable on guys for dates).


No probs, thanks for apologizing, it raised my opinion of you by 9000 points.  :b


----------



## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

From what I've heard so far the only way to get a girlfriend is to put on some kind of act and convince them you're someone you're not. **** that!

Also, most of my friends that are in relationships were friends with the girl for a long time before dating. Several years in one case.


----------



## Odd Times (Jul 27, 2011)

WalkingDisaster said:


> From what I've heard so far the only way to get a girlfriend is to put on some kind of act and convince them you're someone you're not. **** that!
> 
> Also, most of my friends that are in relationships were friends with the girl for a long time before dating. Several years in one case.


Guys tell me what the PUA tip sites say, girls that I'm friends with tell me to be myself, I have no clue which to listen to.

Tried both and neither work: Results include but are not limited to: looking like a d-bag and getting no where, getting used for my intellect with nothing given in return, and finally getting perma-friend-zoned.

I've been trying to forge friendships with girls with the hope that it will get me a girlfriend, I've only seen it happen with one girl (she's dating this guy whom I despise but she's best friends with him).

I have zero interest in turning into a d-bag to get a girl to like me, one of my friend keeps telling me there's hope for me especially in grad school, but I can't wait that long. I'm also afraid that if I make to grad school and never get a girlfriend before, I will be doomed.


----------



## lonely metalhead (Apr 22, 2011)

I'll let you know when I get one. I wouldn't hold your breath, its gonna be awhile.


----------

