# Almost 31 with SA and no friends.



## stargazer8

I'm married. I just recently quit my job due to depression. I have no friends. I only have family. My husband is supportive but he does not have SA.

I'm on Facebook with 149 friends, but NONE of them interact with me. I feel like a stalker when I go on to read status updates - but I guess I'm not a stalker if I'm their friend. They are all people I've met in real life - from school, work, whatever.

A part of me wants friends. I get lonely sometimes. I spend most nights alone trying to find things to do.

The other part of me wants to be alone. I'm afraid of having to go out or invite someone over. I have so much anxiety about going out. I wouldn't know what to do if someone came over.

Can anyone relate? Am I the only person that doesn't have friends?


----------



## theEscapist

I have no friends whatsoever. My only social contact comes from my immediate family, and even that is strained due to the fact that we really don't like each other.

I envy you being married... even if I had a spouse that couldn't relate to my feelings, it would be nice to at least feel connected to _someone_. But relationships come with a whole other set of problems, so maybe that's just wishful thinking. :yes


----------



## stargazer8

Thank you theEscapist for your response. I appreciate what you have to say and I feel a little better about my situation.

It's funny...I try and reach out on here and I still get very little interaction with others. What's wrong with me?


----------



## pumpkinspice

Yep same here. I'm 32 and have no real friends close by. My friends all live in other states. My family are the only people I have to "hang out" with.


----------



## kingfoxy

I am also a friendlless wonder but as this is a social anxiety site im sure there are plenty loners here with us as well and i am a lot older than you and have never had any friends:afr


----------



## brenda78

I have this same problem. I'm 32, and my daughter asked me how come you don't have any friends? It's even worse when your kids notice what a loser you are .:no


----------



## BobNothing

I'm 34 married, have no friends and only have family to interact with after work. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that looks at all the status updates on Facebook. All my "Friends" on Facebook are people I've known over the years but none are what you would call real friends, just people I know through work ect. or people that I used to be friends with years ago. I feel pretty pathetic everytime I get a message on Facebook because I acutaly get excited only to find out it's just some generic message someone sends out to everybody. 

I never want to be alone, I long for friendship but I just get too worked up to go out or have people over; even if I could get the courage to ask someone.

I havn't been able to maintain online friendships let alone an "in the real world" one. It seems like people like me at work but crossing that line between work and home is insurmountable. I seem to have nothing in common with anyone.


----------



## BobNothing

brenda78 said:


> I have this same problem. I'm 32, and my daughter asked me how come you don't have any friends? It's even worse when your kids notice what a loser you are .:no


My 8 eight year old daughter asked me who my friends are? No easy way to tell her, I don't have any. Nothing worse then feeling like a complete failure infront of your kids.


----------



## farfegnugen

I don't really make longterm friendships anymore. When I try and put the effort out, I can make some short term friends, but it feels like a lot of work and I quickly get weary of it. I suppose some of us aren't made to be social. Have you tried getting involved in something and relating to people with like interests? To be honest, I think I am a little jealous that some of you have spouses and significant others that you can confide in. I miss that.


----------



## pumpkinspice

farfegnugen said:


> To be honest, I think I am a little jealous that some of you have spouses and significant others that you can confide in. I miss that.


I feel the same way .


----------



## 2Talkative

farfegnugen said:


> To be honest, I think I am a little jealous that some of you have spouses and significant others that you can confide in. I miss that.


Yes I'm jealous, I've always wondered how people with SA manage to be married or be in close relationships and then not have friends.... it boggles my mind. Is it because they are so deep into the relationship they forget other people exist? I noticed once my ex friends got into relationships I was cast aside like a used paper plate. Anyways I'm friendless now and probably will be for the rest of my time on earth.


----------



## MBAGyrl

I am 37 years old. I have a FB account to, though I never post anything. I am on FB everyday but I never post. I have been so busy with school for the last few years that I just looked up about a week ago and realized that I have only 2 friends! Dating is a huge issue for me as well. I feel as though I live in a glass bubble!! No you are not the only person who feels this way. I know it sucks but life is what it is! I dont even know how to make friends, if a person doesnt approach me I wont approach them, it is terrible- I know!!!


----------



## themoth

2Talkative said:


> Yes I'm jealous, I've always wondered how people with SA manage to be married or be in close relationships and then not have friends.... it boggles my mind. Is it because they are so deep into the relationship they forget other people exist? I noticed once my ex friends got into relationships I was cast aside like a used paper plate. Anyways I'm friendless now and probably will be for the rest of my time on earth.


I'm married, but my husband is a very kind person with his own friends. He doesn't expect me to hang out with them, but he respects when I want to be alone and understands that my few 'close' friends live far away. It's all about patience and compromise...I didn't dump my friends when I met my husband, they dumped me b/c I was pregnant...all but two of them did, and those two I consider my true friends (for 20 years now). Hope this helps...


----------



## themoth

MBAGyrl said:


> I am 37 years old. I have a FB account to, though I never post anything. I am on FB everyday but I never post. I have been so busy with school for the last few years that I just looked up about a week ago and realized that I have only 2 friends! Dating is a huge issue for me as well. I feel as though I live in a glass bubble!! No you are not the only person who feels this way. I know it sucks but life is what it is! I dont even know how to make friends, if a person doesnt approach me I wont approach them, it is terrible- I know!!!


If you want to "friend" me on FB, or on this forum, I will answer...just let me know....


----------



## Soidog

Well, I'm 52 and have no friends apart from my ex-wife who lives a thousand miles away. 

It's not quite as bad as you'd think, as there's nobody I know whom I'd particularly want to befriend, so it's not like I'm pining for anyone in particular. But it's lonely enough that I often talk to animals, and even insects.


----------



## Syncsolo

Yes I can relate to having no friends and my family aren't much help to me. They want to be left alone these days and live a quiet life. I wouldn't impose my issues on them anyway, more trouble than it's worth.

At least you have a husband to lean on, imagine being alone day after day. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but with an added cold and lonely harshness it makes things seem almost hopeless. 
As for facebook lol, I have just under 200 friends, most are added from SA sites actually and live 1000s of miles away in other countries. No one ever talks to me or makes comments [but I don't comment and stuff neither] I really don't know why I bother with it.


----------



## mariaa

*Hi*

I can relate i tend to keep to myself alot. I have a few friends and it is hard for me to make new friends. When i do make a new friend either it clicks right away or it does nt. And most of the time i think that their is something wrong with me especially when i say hi to someone new and they don't really what to talk to me, but they will talk to some esle that they just met. But you can talk to me. my name is maria :afrwho sometimes feels like the smile face.


----------



## aranjuez

I'm also married and have two kids. I have one friend that I see on a regular basis, who is also SA. Part of my excuse for not trying to cultivate more friendships is that after work and family responsibilities, there is just not much time left over for friends. I think that even for "normal" people it's difficult to make real friends. When you're SA, it's very, very difficult. I envy people who have real, close friendships. That's something I've missed out on in life.


----------



## millenniumman75

It is hard to even pinpoint where to begin. I think a lot of people have this issue.
I would try at church, but at 35 and a single man, I am literally an unwanted demographic.
I attended the college and career group, only to be isolated. The one time I went resulted in their adding (18-28) as their age limit. The actual singles group is meant for 40+, and I would bet that many are divorced - again, something I would not understand and would be quite offended if anyone brought something like that to my attention.

I have 162 friends here that I do communicate with - that is saying something.


----------



## BlueBelle

> at 35 and a single man, I am literally an unwanted demographic.


I get what you're saying here ...
it seems that way doesn't it? Kind of existing in a social limbo of sorts... not quite fitting in anywhere.
It's hard when so many people our age are married (and have been married for years) and have children. 
Trying to fit in with the younger crowd (singles groups for instance) feels really weird ... no adult likes to feel they are the creepy "old" person in the crowd.
As a single, 35 year old woman it is a very strange world indeed!


----------



## marianatea

I'm totally with you all on this one. Amazingly, I had friends in college, and even for a time thereafter, but gradually these friendships have fallen away and nothing new has risen to take their place. I also have folks at work that I seem to get along with well enough, but that divide between being friendly at work and getting together after work is a wide one. I totally agree with the poster who said that making friends is hard to do for most people, but throw a whole lot of fear and self-defeating behavior into the mix and it's well-nigh impossible. I think isolation is a disease of our society, and those with SA suffer the most.


----------



## Jellybean2010

I think finding a hobby with other alternative/geeky types to hang out with helps. They're usually less judgemental and welcoming of oddballs (like myself). I was feeling quite isolated this time last year, so I've been forcing myself out to various events and clubs. 

For me it's easier to interact with people when there's something else to focus on like playing cards or doing crafts or something. It takes the intensity and pressure out of conversation, because if you start struggling for something to say you always go back to the activity you were doing before instead of feeling awkward. And starting conversations is easier because you can always just comment about the activity you're doing.


----------



## Surrender

being in a similar boat but younger my only suggestion is to find a men's or a women's group in your area that does social things. meetup.com is a good place to start one, or find one. Its more general, and your friends don't always have to be your age. I have met women whose best friend was in their 40s and they were in their late 20s, I've seen 30 year old guy coworkers hang out with women who are fifty plus years old


----------



## BobNothing

Surrender said:


> being in a similar boat but younger my only suggestion is to find a men's or a women's group in your area that does social things. meetup.com is a good place to start one, or find one. Its more general, and your friends don't always have to be your age. I have met women whose best friend was in their 40s and they were in their late 20s, I've seen 30 year old guy coworkers hang out with women who are fifty plus years old


I tend to be more comfortable with 'older people', they seem less judgmental


----------



## AK32

you're not alone I have no friends either. Like you I had a few friends in school, but none of them lasted. So I know how you feel.


----------



## Winerocks

Same thing for me. I'm 36, and I don't have any friends. I had friends in school and university, but have lost touch with all of them. When I think back on those times, I didn't reach out to them...they reached out to me. I would never say no to going out, but I would never initiate it. I've been married for 6 years, have 2 awesome kids, but I still feel that I can't open up to my wife...or anyone. I always tell myself that it's better not to get to know people well, because when I do, I'm disappointed.


----------



## ambergris

At 33, I miss having friends, but when I look back on school and university I have to admit that virtually all my so-called 'friends' were really just casual acquaintances. I have only had three, maybe four, genuine friends in my life, and of those only my sister is left. I just can't really connect with people 99% of the time, and the other 1% I can't maintain those connections. My life experiences are so out of kilter with the rest of my generation (no job, no relationships, no children) that I'm unlikely to make any friends now. So, I just count myself lucky that I have my family.


----------



## antonina

stargazer8 said:


> Thank you theEscapist for your response. I appreciate what you have to say and I feel a little better about my situation.
> 
> It's funny...I try and reach out on here and I still get very little interaction with others. What's wrong with me?


This happens to me also. I am thinking it's the nature of SA. People with SA have a hard time reaching out.


----------



## antonina

Jellybean2010 said:


> I think finding a hobby with other alternative/geeky types to hang out with helps. They're usually less judgemental and welcoming of oddballs (like myself). I was feeling quite isolated this time last year, so I've been forcing myself out to various events and clubs.
> 
> For me it's easier to interact with people when there's something else to focus on like playing cards or doing crafts or something. It takes the intensity and pressure out of conversation, because if you start struggling for something to say you always go back to the activity you were doing before instead of feeling awkward. And starting conversations is easier because you can always just comment about the activity you're doing.


I agree with you completely. The activity is the focus rather than you.


----------



## BobNothing

ambergris said:


> At 33, I miss having friends, but when I look back on school and university I have to admit that virtually all my so-called 'friends' were really just casual acquaintances. I have only had three, maybe four, genuine friends in my life, and of those only my sister is left. I just can't really connect with people 99% of the time, and the other 1% I can't maintain those connections. My life experiences are so out of kilter with the rest of my generation (no job, no relationships, no children) that I'm unlikely to make any friends now. So, I just count myself lucky that I have my family.


I think you have 'hit the nail on the headl' (if I got that expression right) with this comment, "My life experiences are so out of kilter with the rest of my generation" I feel that I can't connect with people. I seem to be a well liked person at work where social interaction is forced but 99% of the time fail to connect on things that would take these relationships outside the workplace. I too have only had one or two close friends which I no longer have and when I think back most of the others were not real friends but acquaintances. I know I'm lucky to have a family but I feel my wife is only still with me because of the kids. I have no ability to make friends even though I'm blessed with a family. You say you count yourself out, are you giving up? Your on this forum so I would asume like me your looking for a way to connect and get out of this situation.

Don't give up hope, I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## Pam

I have a long time boyfriend (since 1993), but no real life friends and no job, so no coworkers to socialize with. 

Online sometimes i think there are a few people I would consider friends, but sometimes i think it's one-sided or just in my head and they don't really like me.

I joined Facebook a little over a year ago and I did get used to commenting & posting stuff, but as far as consistent 2-way communication, that's not really happening so much. Lately I am starting to blame myself for it--that it's because no one likes me. But another reason could be that people are busy with their real lives. Which i don't have, so then i feel like crap.

Also someone on here mentioned about it being tiring to try to make friends--i agree. Sometimes it's just draining for me to think of what to say (online, nevermind in person!) even to people I actually LIKE! Shouldn't it be easier with people i like?


----------



## Choopa

Jellybean2010 said:


> I think finding a hobby with other alternative/geeky types to hang out with helps. They're usually less judgemental and welcoming of oddballs (like myself). I was feeling quite isolated this time last year, so I've been forcing myself out to various events and clubs.
> 
> For me it's easier to interact with people when there's something else to focus on like playing cards or doing crafts or something. It takes the intensity and pressure out of conversation, because if you start struggling for something to say you always go back to the activity you were doing before instead of feeling awkward. And starting conversations is easier because you can always just comment about the activity you're doing.


i know im alot younger then most on this thread, but i found myself in a very similar situation when i left school several of years ago. i lost contact with all my friends, and for some strange reason i became afraid of people, even crossing the road was a frightful experiance for me. i would feel as if people would look at, and judge me. at that time, making friends was out of the question in my mind.

Luckly for me, i had a wake up call when i was involved in a semi serious accedent at work, which crippled me for almost 3 months. experiancing what its like to be physically crippled motivated me to challenge myself; to not let my fears get in the way of things id like to do.
I first started running - in the dark at night, after 2 years of sitting infront of the computer being inactive, i was in really bad shape. I eventually got a level of fitness back, and took up snowboarding - its a pretty solitary sport, so i didn't need any friends to do it with. However, it didnt take very long before i started getting used to other people arund me, and i became alot more sociable, simply from exposure i guess.

I guess what im trying to say is, jellybean2010's suggestion to force yourself out worked for me, and hopefully itll work for the rest of us out there that are stuck in the hole.

oh, and another thing i did when i was lying in hospital was forcing myself to text my old mates that i havnt spoken to in two years. If i remmebered correctly i said somthing stupid like "yo im in hospital dude" lol... But i found that if anyone has ever cared about you, chances are, they prob still do!

sorry my written english could be better, I blame it on my job as it dont involve writing or reading enough! :roll


----------



## Enola

I like my alone time mostly but I know it's not good to shut myself away so much. I'm just to the point where it seems too much work to try to make friends. I hang out occasionally with a few people after work but that's the extend of my social life. I want to date but that also seems like a whole lot of work. It all seemed like second nature when I was younger but now it all seems like a chore. I don't know if I have just gotten lazy or jaded or something else.


----------



## Banana Cream

I will be your FB friend if that will help you out. Also, early 30's. Just don't talk openly about anything I've said here on this forum over there. I prefer to keep my illnesses/ treatment to myself and close family, or places meant for such conversation.. without social stigma ;-)

I don't have a problem interacting on FB seeing that my major 2 problems lately are 1. Undiagnosed Physical Health Problems (nausea, etc.) 2. Agoraphobia


----------



## tiredandworn

hi. I am in my late 50s and I have a couple of friends who i dont really talk to or see. Perhsps thats why we still are friends. I am like a sensitive plant. I shrivel easily. So it makes relationships difficult. I do not call people because I do not want to bother them. I too have a fb account. When I write something, usually no one comments. Occassionally I click the like button on facebook when someone posts something.

For me being alone is excruciating. Because I am not really alone. i am with myself. I am new here. And I have avpd, which is supposedly an extreme form of SA. I live alone with no friends or family near. But I have some very wonderful stuffies


----------



## pumpkinspice

tiredandworn said:


> hi. I am in my late 50s and I have a couple of friends who i dont really talk to or see. Perhsps thats why we still are friends. I am like a sensitive plant. I shrivel easily. So it makes relationships difficult. I do not call people because I do not want to bother them. I too have a fb account. When I write something, usually no one comments. Occassionally I click the like button on facebook when someone posts something.
> 
> For me being alone is excruciating. Because I am not really alone. i am with myself. I am new here. And I have avpd, which is supposedly an extreme form of SA. I live alone with no friends or family near. But I have some very wonderful stuffies


Hi Tiredandworn.

What are stuffies?


----------



## tiredandworn

pumpkinspice said:


> Hi Tiredandworn.
> 
> What are stuffies?


 Stuffies aka Stuffed animals


----------



## papercat

I'm married to a man who also has SA, but has come a long way in the past few years. We both are recovering alcoholics. He still has trouble making friends but is much better in social situations than I am. People want to be his friend. 

I also have codependency issues. My husband took a job last summer that kept him away from home all the time and we almost split up. I seriously didn't know what I'd do without him. I was so hurt, I was nearly suicidal. The whole situation has changed our relationship. He claims it all started with a relapse, that he was not himself, and that he is back to himself again and wants to be with me, but it has really shaken me up and given me even more insecurity and abandonment issues.

I have one friend that I've known since kindergarten, whom I could talk to about this thing with my husband, and that was mostly through email because she lives in another state, and I have trouble talking on the phone. I also talked to my sister, but she is kind of judgmental and also protective of me, so I have to be careful what I say to her.

Other than that though, I am on my own. I have acquaintances at work, but no real friends. I'm also kind of new here, having moved here last spring from another state. (Another good excuse as to why I have no friends.)

Much of the time I'm glad I have no friends nearby, because then I at least don't have to make excuses to not do things. I'm a "loner" and usually okay with that, except when people make me feel like a loser for it. (Such a difference one letter can make!)


----------



## bent

I am now pushing 40 and cannot believe how little progress I have actually made internally. I do have one thing going for me but it's truly just the one bit of good luck that came my way after so much darkness, that being my current gf. 

Other than her I also have no friends. There are former friends and acquaintances but really no one who I trust and consider an actual friend other than my gf.

One of my major problems is that I am totally incapable of functioning in the workplace despite my best efforts. Other people my age snub me for being beneath them at the survival game and I have to admit that not being able to find a career really bothers me.

I don't know if I can ever fix myself. At present I rely on meds, religion, and my gf. I have gone back to school in a grad program that is not respected (the only one I can be admitted to) but it's just a timewaster. At best it could get me into a mediocre phd but even that may never result in a job and would take years. and that will just make people even less willing to be my friend. I don't really believe in "friends" the way I used to anymore in any case. it's always reducible to some kind of crass business arrangement. rays of light appear briefly now and then but they are the exception. and yet still, i wish i had more friends, ha.


----------



## christacat

I only just turned 33 a few weeks ago and I have no friends either. The only people in real life I hang out with are my parents.

Any friend I've had in the past never lasts, I've never related to them well, couldn't be open with them or trust them, had nothing in common with them.
I feel so stuck and alone. I don't get along well with anyone my age, I wish I could find people my age who liked what I liked too.


----------



## antonina

christacat said:


> I only just turned 33 a few weeks ago and I have no friends either. The only people in real life I hang out with are my parents.
> 
> Any friend I've had in the past never lasts, I've never related to them well, couldn't be open with them or trust them, had nothing in common with them.
> I feel so stuck and alone. I don't get along well with anyone my age, I wish I could find people my age who liked what I liked too.


Sometimes I feel like my relatives are the only ones that care. There is that whole thing about blood being thicker than water. It seems to me a lot of times other people seem to be out to get something from you.


----------



## BobNothing

bent said:


> I am now pushing 40 and cannot believe how little progress I have actually made internally. I do have one thing going for me but it's truly just the one bit of good luck that came my way after so much darkness, that being my current gf.
> 
> Other than her I also have no friends. There are former friends and acquaintances but really no one who I trust and consider an actual friend other than my gf.
> 
> One of my major problems is that I am totally incapable of functioning in the workplace despite my best efforts. Other people my age snub me for being beneath them at the survival game and I have to admit that not being able to find a career really bothers me.
> 
> I don't know if I can ever fix myself. At present I rely on meds, religion, and my gf. I have gone back to school in a grad program that is not respected (the only one I can be admitted to) but it's just a timewaster. At best it could get me into a mediocre phd but even that may never result in a job and would take years. and that will just make people even less willing to be my friend. I don't really believe in "friends" the way I used to anymore in any case. it's always reducible to some kind of crass business arrangement. rays of light appear briefly now and then but they are the exception. and yet still, i wish i had more friends, ha.


What kind of grad program would not be respected? Anyone going back to school to improve them self deserves a great deal or respect. I think you are being too hard on yourself.


----------



## Mistical

Sorry i havent read all the comments on here so if this has been bought up please forgive me! I understand how it feels to feel lonely and facebook does not help but you have to remember its a very shallow artificial way of maintaining friendships and lacks that closeness you would normally feel. 

Why dont we set up a forum where users can see who is local to them that is a member of this website and maybe meet up and hang out? If anyone lives in London get in touch with me.


----------



## Argamemnon

I'm in the same boat as most of you. I'm 34, I have no job and I'm still living with my parents. Of course I have no friends either. The fact that I'm unable to work freaks me out the most as I'm constantly worrying about my future. Currently I'm also having symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome, as if severe social anxiety and depression weren't enough.

I can't connect with anyone and making friends is extremely difficult. When interacting with people the anxiety and/or "chaos" in my mind can be so severe that it feels as if I'm going insane, it becomes unbearable after a while and I have to be alone to feel normal again. I literally can't hear anything what the other person is saying which is extremely frightening not to mention embarrassing.


----------



## SilentOutcast

Surrender said:


> being in a similar boat but younger my only suggestion is to find a men's or a women's group in your area that does social things. meetup.com is a good place to start one, or find one. Its more general, and your friends don't always have to be your age. I have met women whose best friend was in their 40s and they were in their late 20s, I've seen 30 year old guy coworkers hang out with women who are fifty plus years old


I've joined several of the meetup.com groups in my area, so far I have singed up with the social anxiety groups and shyness groups. I didn't want to jump straight into one those regular going out groups for normally social persons. It's been over a month on these groups don't to seem to have much planned. It like everyone is to anxious to either plan or show-up for an event.

I joined those meetup groups in hope of turning my life around and have some kind of social life. My thinking is by joining these groups I could both improve my social skills and start getting use to having other people around me, with the hope of someday having friends and maybe a relationship.

I also had no idea this website even existed until several months ago, when I decided I needed to take steps to improve things in my life. I was beginning to think I was alone with SA, but it is interesting to read so many stories from people having the exact struggles in life as my self.


----------



## Slogger

I'm 48 and have one sports-buddy friend I met online a couple years ago when I was desperate to spend a 4th of July with someone, anyone, who was interested in the same sport. I didn't want to be alone over a big holiday weekend, surrounded by groups of people all enjoying each others' company. It's not a very healthy relationship, she talks A LOT, hardly ever shows interest in what I have to say, and is always on the lookout for a guy to hook up with, has no problem dumping me when an opportunity arises!


----------



## kiasockmonkey

40 here and I've let every one of my relationships fade away. The really pathetic thing here is that I don't really miss them, because they're so taxing on me. I don't know if I just attract that type or what, but I feel as though, every time, it ends up being a situation where I'm getting used (I need a ride, I need a babysitter, I need a loan, etc. etc.) 

"A friend in need..."

Yeah, whatever. I never could subscribe to that.


----------



## Slogger

Right, Kiasockmonkey, that's happened to me too. Just can't connect in a way that makes me want to be around them year after year. Also, the friends that haven't seemed like users usually had other friends, and to fit in I felt like I had to go with the crowd and do things I didn't care to do, look and act in ways that wouldn't otherwise interest me. Very taxing.


----------



## kuteandkuiet

Same about facebook, plenty of friends but no one talks to me, unless i post a picture of myself or kids. Do you find that even though you have a supportive partner, that you worry that you bore them because you don't want to do anything that requires socializing (umm thats almost everything).


----------



## Bathory

Some of my closest friends are online. Far enough away that I'll probably never meet them. So, just as a lot of you have mentioned, I'm basically friendless and spend all of my time alone. What makes me feel worse is that I live in an apartment with people all around me, but I don't have the nerve to try to make friends with anyone. I see them outside. I hear them outside. And what could possibly be a better situation for someone with no car than to make friends with someone that lives just a few doors away? But I can't do it.


----------



## beckls

I don't have many friends, either. I have a few friends that I was able to make several years ago before my SA got worse but getting together with them can be stressful because I worry about everything that I say. I want to make more friends but at 38 it's tough-people are usually very busy with their families. I don't have kids and sometimes feel isolated because of that (particularly being a woman without kids-I worry that women my age with kids think I'm weird). 

I'm married but met my husband many years ago when I was less socially anxious (and self medicating with alchohol). I wonder what I would do if I were single now. When I was in my 20's I would meet guys at parties or bars-it was easy because I was young, drunk and (to be very honest) a little promiscuous. I drank alot primarily because it brought out a different side to my personality-a fun, flirty side that wasn't there when I was sober. 

Making friends in college was so much easier than it is now. I feel a little pathetic because I still really miss those days-it felt so good to be part of group of friends. While I've maintained friendships with some of my college friends it's (understandably) not the same. I'm very thankful for my husband but worry that I'm too dependent on him socially. He doesn't have alot of friends, either, but not because he has SA-he's an introvert. 

One of my New Year's resolutions is to try to push myself to be more social. I wish it wasn't so hard. I don't even know what I'm so scared of half the time. I just feel so uncomfortable.


----------



## China doll

MBAGyrl said:


> I am 37 years old. I have a FB account to, though I never post anything. I am on FB everyday but I never post. I have been so busy with school for the last few years that I just looked up about a week ago and realized that I have only 2 friends! Dating is a huge issue for me as well. I feel as though I live in a glass bubble!! No you are not the only person who feels this way. I know it sucks but life is what it is! I dont even know how to make friends, if a person doesnt approach me I wont approach them, it is terrible- I know!!!


I can relate. I have no friends other then family. Difference is I'm 31 and still living at home but I'm saving to get a place of my own. My family keep saying go out and make friends if only it was so easy. I find it hard to talk to someone, i get shy and nervous, i feel nervous writing this. I just signed up. Just was wondering how are you? And how is your situation so far?


----------



## China doll

I so wish you guys lived near by, cause at least we can relate and understand one another. If only I could interact with others in flesh the way I can on here


----------



## China doll

Mistical said:


> Sorry i havent read all the comments on here so if this has been bought up please forgive me! I understand how it feels to feel lonely and facebook does not help but you have to remember its a very shallow artificial way of maintaining friendships and lacks that closeness you would normally feel.
> 
> Why dont we set up a forum where users can see who is local to them that is a member of this website and maybe meet up and hang out? If anyone lives in London get in touch with me.


Hi I have just joined this site. I live in London but if I'm truly honest I can't bring myself to meet anyone as much I would like to, I am just way too shy and nervous. Just wanted to know how is it all working out?


----------



## China doll

Hi I have just joined up to this site and i can relate, I am 31, no friends, boyfriend or kids and I still live at home. I feel like I should have settled down by now. I wish I could find it easy to talk to someone the way I am writing this. Just wondered how is your situation progressing?


----------



## Observer

I think making friends gets more difficult with age, certainly not impossible, but there comes a time when its no longer just a simple case of going outside and striking up friendships with the random people we meet. 

As school kids we are taught to work and share with others, we are forcefully put into an environment where cooperation and friendship (even in the most weakest sense) is drilled into our minds, you may not like the other kids but damn you had better get along with them or else there will be trouble! This forced bonding means that indeed friendships are formed and to an extent, this notion also expands to the colleges and universities. These friendships are further emphasized due to the fact that during that time, those educational institutions play a very large role in all our lives, we simple do not have the option or be anywhere or go anywhere else and thus we are forced into making friends (or at least tolerate) other people. 

Then we hit adulthood, the working world, and all of a sudden we have options! Don’t like the people at the office? Well then ignore them, you’re there to work, not to make friends anyway. Still don’t like them? Then quit the job! Don’t like your neighbour? No problem, just ignore them, nothing says you have to be friends does it? What about a person you meet in the street? You’re not expected to be friends with them are you? I don’t know about you but at my age, except for common social etiquette, I don’t have to behave in a certain way to anyone and people certainly don’t have to be my friend. And therein lays the problem. Once we hit adulthood we’re no longer forced to make friends, no more forced social interaction and the sad fact is that a majority of society the world over are not bothered to do anything about it. 

Then again, why should they? Chances are those same people have a partner and a couple of kids waiting for them at home, they have parents they call on weekends or public holidays and if all else fails, a handful of friends (who they met in school, back when they were forced to make friends) to call on for anything else. Why should they take the time and effort to meet someone new and to form a bond with? Why should they do it if they DON’T have to do it? Oh humans are such lazy creatures! Thus I do believe that making friends gets more difficult with age because we (as a society) are no longer forced into it. 

I wish I had an answer, some sort of wonder solution, I really do but I am in exactly the same boat as a lot of people here (hence me wanting to join in) so my heart really goes out to all of you. I came back to the United Kingdom (after years abroad) to find myself marooned on an island full of empty strangers. What childhood friends that I once had are long gone and a lot of people I meet now, certainly around where I live, only care about getting drunk and passing out in front of their television. I find it hard enough to talk to people as it is, to push myself forward only to find that I am ten steps back takes a real kick out of whatever motivation I have built up. The only local social groups are xenophobic and sporting clubs seem populated with angry young men out to prove some misguided, delusional point. 

Going out to make friends would be easy, if only I could go out and find people worth making friends with. I’m tired of being excluded because I am not one of the masses.


----------



## glassman

I consider myself to have very mild social anxiety (Over the past 15 years things have improved to where I only have a persistent severe fear of speaking in public that is controlled with Inderal). I have essentially one friend I have known since childhood. I have a terrible time making friends. I think it is nearly impossible for adults to make long lasting friendships. I think society is not set up for us to make friends. Where I live people wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV and go to bed. People's careers are so busy that they do not have time to socialize or make friends. My parents marvel at how unsocial the world is now. Their 30's and 40's were filled with going out after work for drinks/parties and work dances on the weekends.


----------



## glassman

Observer: I used to travel a bit for work. I did notice that expats have a ready made social life, especially in non-English speaking countries. Go to China and teach English. I can guarantee that you will have a full social calendar. I have two aquaintances that did this (both with SA) and they are both socially active.


----------



## Observer

glassman said:


> Observer: I used to travel a bit for work. I did notice that expats have a ready made social life, especially in non-English speaking countries. Go to China and teach English. I can guarantee that you will have a full social calendar. I have two aquaintances that did this (both with SA) and they are both socially active.


 It's a coincidence that you should mention that because my experience was quite different. For the most part I found the expat communities in China and Japan to be akin to being back in high school, a lot of people desperately competing for attention and trying to out perform each other with a constant barrage of questions about how much of the languages you speak, how long you have been there etc.

I suppose if you get in with a good crowd then it could be ok but I tended to pick one or two of the more "approachable" expats to hang around with (can be like finding a needle in a haystack though) or spend a vast majority of my time with the locals. This allowed me to experience a unique social life but of course served to alienate me more from the masses of expats who preferred to spend all their time in expat bars with other expats, complaining about the country and how difficult it is to be an expat!

It is a great example of forced friendship in adulthood though, bonding together over a common challenge, I would recommended everyone give it a try at least once in their lives.


----------



## Sarah106

I am 30 and I have 1 friend. We have been friends since I was 13. But, it's not as if we get together very much. She is very different from-very social and extroverted. When we do get together it's dinner and a movie and she does 99% of the talking. lol

My husband doesn't have SA. He doesn't really understand what I go through. Let me say, that is a very lonely feeling. Yes, I have a significant other, but the fact he doesn't always understand me and may even think I'm strange (he's never said that) makes me feel really bad.

Oh, and Facebook, I have 100+ friends, but mainly the ones who comment on anything I post are "online friends". I think real life people don't always know what to say to me. lol


----------



## peach123

stargazer8 said:


> I'm married. I just recently quit my job due to depression. I have no friends. I only have family. My husband is supportive but he does not have SA.
> 
> I'm on Facebook with 149 friends, but NONE of them interact with me. I feel like a stalker when I go on to read status updates - but I guess I'm not a stalker if I'm their friend. They are all people I've met in real life - from school, work, whatever.
> 
> A part of me wants friends. I get lonely sometimes. I spend most nights alone trying to find things to do.
> 
> The other part of me wants to be alone. I'm afraid of having to go out or invite someone over. I have so much anxiety about going out. I wouldn't know what to do if someone came over.
> 
> Can anyone relate? Am I the only person that doesn't have friends?


I have friends but I don't have a husband. You are very fortunate to have one. As a couple, you and your husband can socialize with other couples and you can make friends that way. Also, maybe you can spend time with family and maybe through your family you can meet other women your age to make friends with. Or go to classes doing something that you like to do and socialize with other women.


----------



## misscathy

I can join the friendless rank. 

The only time I seem to make friends is when I am a social work environment. Right now I work alone as a nanny so I don't meet anyone except the family I work for and they are my employer not friends. I also suffer from severe depression so that makes me isolate even more. I have some online friends which I don't consider as important as RL friends. Being single and in my late 40's with no children dosen't help either as I am considered an oddity. Oh well.


----------



## naomi

> I have no friends whatsoever. My only social contact comes from my immediate family, and even that is strained due to the fact that we really don't like each other.
> 
> I envy you being married... even if I had a spouse that couldn't relate to my feelings, it would be nice to at least feel connected to _someone_. But relationships come with a whole other set of problems, so maybe that's just wishful thinking. :yes


Totally my situation. Exactly what I was going to say. Except I am trapped in Michigan with conservatives and I am a liberal (but what do I know? I've never had a life so I don't know anything. (summary of my family's responses to my opinions)). If I had the money, I'd hit the road and search for somewhere (& a job) I liked.


----------



## tiredandworn

pumpkinspice said:


> I feel the same way .


So do I. I wish I had someone who I live with and love. Instead the only relationship I have is with my stuffed animals. People sometimes used to come to my home when I was able to cook amazing foods. But that changed. I can no longer eat most foods. Thus the incentive for people to visit was taken. I can go for months without a visitor. And I can go for many days without anyone calling my phone. I feel so horrible about myself that I just try not to bother anyone. Not feeling well enough to go out and be with people. When I do, I put a big smile on my face. I used to go to therapist. But medicare with medicaid supplimental is not a combination that therapists accept for one reason or another. So I stay home with no people and no support. The good news is that I am 59 years old. So I have been thorough most of my life already.


----------



## closetscorpio

Being on twitter helps me. Although I mostly retweet what others post, I use a different name and a separate email so I feel better about giving opinions and don't worry so much about negative responses. I have a few followers. Since you can follow anyone you want I have tons of tweets to read and can share what I like with others. Much better than Facebook where people have to give you their permission to be their friends and everyone seems so stinkin' perky and wholesome all the time. At least my "friends" do. (I have a Facebook account under my real name. Just to connect w/ family & prove to them that I socialize.)


----------



## lonesomeboy

32 same situation


----------



## RockIt

One thing I can suggest from prior experience is to look for a Meetup group in your area that either focuses on your interests or SA. You will meet people and most likely make some friends.


----------



## tiredandworn

RockIt said:


> One thing I can suggest from prior experience is to look for a Meetup group in your area that either focuses on your interests or SA. You will meet people and most likely make some friends.


 how does someone find a SA meetup group in their area?


----------



## SilentOutcast

tiredandworn said:


> how does someone find a SA meetup group in their area?


meetup.com found a group in my area about 3 months ago.


----------



## tiredandworn

SilentOutcast said:


> meetup.com found a group in my area about 3 months ago.


Thanks. checked it out. The closest supoprt group for anxiety is in another country, lol. 100 miles away. I do not live in a city. There were only a few support groups available. I could learn how to make a survivalist bunker though  or get support for being a Dula.


----------



## angus

I am 31 I have no friends beacouse of SAD :rain

Bring on the violins.


----------



## LALoner

I don't want friends. I've had them before and it didn't help me. Until I can overcome these issues I don't think anything else in life really matters or helps me. Either I get over this or nothing really matters, thats my opinion. 

But I still have one friend who comes over and visits me anyway.


----------



## RockIt

tiredandworn said:


> Thanks. checked it out. The closest supoprt group for anxiety is in another country, lol. 100 miles away. I do not live in a city. There were only a few support groups available. I could learn how to make a survivalist bunker though  or get support for being a Dula.


You can create your own meetup group if you don't see one that interests you. It doesn't even have to be SA related, just pick one of your interests/hobbies and go with it. http://www.meetup.com/create/ Cost is a little more than $10/month, but you can charge a small fee for dues to your members to cover that. Since you live in a small community, just make sure that your topic will be of enough interest for you to gain new members. Think broad vs specialized. Let's say you collect Garbage Pail Kids cards from the 80's/90's. You might just want to have a group that is for card collectors in general.


----------



## pumpkinspice

RockIt said:


> You can create your own meetup group if you don't see one that interests you. It doesn't even have to be SA related, just pick one of your interests/hobbies and go with it. http://www.meetup.com/create/ Cost is a little more than $10/month, but you can charge a small fee for dues to your members to cover that. Since you live in a small community, just make sure that your topic will be of enough interest for you to gain new members. Think broad vs specialized. Let's say you collect Garbage Pail Kids cards from the 80's/90's. You might just want to have a group that is for card collectors in general.


 Ahh childhood memories of collecting Garbage Pail Kids.


----------



## PitaMe

I've always had a hard time making friends. I have people want to talk to me and hang out (that doesn't seem to be the issue) but I get so nervous and scared I'm going to mess it up, that I make up some excuse why I can't hang out and then after awhile they just stop trying. I wish I wasn't like this, but I can't seem to stop. I've always had one really close friend, but I haven't had any true friends for the past four years now. Its really lonely and I wish I had someone to talk to. I was also married, but he was very outgoing and ultimately my SA did end that relationship. He was also a drug addict, so that didn't help us either. Lol. We were just too different. We worked ok when we were dating because opposites attract and I think we saw in the other person something we desperately needed, but being married and trying to spend your life with someone who is the complete opposite doesn't work. Anyways, if anyone on here would like to talk sometime on facebook or maybe even text (I know alot of us have problems actually speaking to a live person) I would be up for that. It would be nice to talk to someone else who has social anxiety. I've never met anyone who had this problem like me. Up until a few years ago I didn't know I had SA, I just thought I was strange in some way


----------



## shylady

Sometimes I feel like I'm from another planet I can not make friends what so ever.


----------



## tonercharmer

Holy Crap!! Reading these posts I realize there are Other people out in the world like me, problem is with SAD we probably will never be "Friends" I feel so isolated and fear I will die Friendless.


----------



## melony78

reading this post has been an eye opening experience. guess I'm not the only one in the world


----------



## shimmer1221

Im 31 now and also in the same situation. I have no friends and it feels very lonely. I cry alot when im alone. Its painful when you have no one to talk to. I do have a husband that supports me but he also becomes frustrated at times because he doesnt understand how it feels and just wants me to get over it.


----------



## shimmer1221

ps: I can see how that movie Surrogates could become reality with the growing problem of social anxiety and other issues. One day maybe we will be in our beds and our robot bodies will be out there instead! LOL it's quite scary really ,,, wish there was a quick fix / cure for this problem.


----------



## deanna57

I am also all alone.I don't have any friends just my family.It is impossible for me to reach out to someone even though I like the"idea"of having friends.When I was younger I had lots of friends who I was very close to even though I had SA back then too.As I got older I didn't want to socialize as much so I let all those friends go.Now I sometimes get jealous of people that have close friendships with each other.I have gotten so used to being alone that I always tell myself I prefer it this way.


----------



## QuietBoy99

I use to have a few close friends when I was younger, however they could not be trusted anymore and I broke it off with them. It sucks sometimes to be alone with no friends, however I will not be taken advantage and if that means being alone then so be it. My goal is to eventually make some new friends that I can hang out with on a regular basis.


----------



## XWillowX

Am 34 married and have no friends either .. i spend most of my time with my husband .. my husband has friend who he talks to on xbox but i have no one .


----------



## farfegnugen

Most of my old friends are raising families or building up successful careers. I, on the otherhand, have blown countless opportunities to get ahead and my last semi-successful LTR is getting far in the rear view mirror. Keeping up with the old friends is slightly embarrassing for me to be honest, since I was supposed to have the capability to do much more with myself. It feels like life keeps truckin' along and I stay the same. Newer friends are just temporary and rarely delve beyond superficial banter. I keep hoping I am just a late bloomer, but I don't see myself suddenly morphing into a completely different person.


----------



## vanessaB76

Hi. I am almost 35 yrs old, no friends, only my husband and two children. Family lives far away and even so I am not close to them at all, only my mom. I am on Facebook. I have only about 12 "friends" there. Most are cousins, two former high school acquaintances, two old coworkers, a few others but no real friends. All of them post their pictures and look like they have such wonderful lives. I only post pics of my kids because I hate how I look. I often wonder if they think I am pathetic for not posting my pics and only of my kids. Maybe they think I have no life outside my kids. The truth is they would be correct. I love my kids, though, and they bring me joy.  I also feel like a stalker if I comment on their page so I hardly do it. SA sucks. Who wants to be my FB friend? :afr


----------



## thorleyart

vanessa2 said:


> Hi. I am almost 35 yrs old, no friends, only my husband and two children. Family lives far away and even so I am not close to them at all, only my mom. I am on Facebook. I have only about 12 "friends" there. Most are cousins, two former high school acquaintances, two old coworkers, a few others but no real friends. All of them post their pictures and look like they have such wonderful lives. I only post pics of my kids because I hate how I look. I often wonder if they think I am pathetic for not posting my pics and only of my kids. Maybe they think I have no life outside my kids. The truth is they would be correct. I love my kids, though, and they bring me joy.  I also feel like a stalker if I comment on their page so I hardly do it. SA sucks. Who wants to be my FB friend? :afr


I'll be your facebook friend! what's your add?


----------



## vanessaB76

thorleyart said:


> I'll be your facebook friend! what's your add?


For a limited time only.
facebook.com/vbing76

Nothing much to look at and pretty boring.


----------



## Medicine Man X

Life definitely gets lonelier as you get older, especially once you hit the late 20's. The friends that you have get married, have children, and move away. You try to keep in contact with them, but they have their own families now and their time is very limited. Slowly you hear from them less and less until they are just another pebble floating away in the river of life. 

Such is life i suppose. Im going to turn 30 next month, (I know i'm breaking and entering into the +30 forum lol) divorced, and most of the friends i still talk to live far away. Nobody nearby. I have made some friends here on this great site, but as you all know, it is not the same as having friends you can physically spend time with. Don't think i've seen anyone on this site from the Midwest Missouri-Illinois area lol.

Gotta keep my head held up high. I feel like i have a lot to offer both a friend and a girlfriend. I have a good paying job in nursing & massage therapy, I treat people with kindness and respect, and i accept other's faults rather than judge them for them.

I hope everyone here has at lease 1 good friend enter their life and bring you the happiness and companionship you deserve. Loneliness is a terrible thing that i wouldn't wish upon anyone. Remember your good qualities and let them shine through.


----------



## coreyy

A B and E on the 30+ but im not a teen either so i have no where to post. 

....iv had many "older friends" throughout my life with the same problems. iv always encouraged them to get out and make friends with people their age. ive had friends with parents that are in the same posistion. i dont know why they do not hang out... it boggles me... 

being young i always figured the adults wernt as judgmental but they are so even more...i still try and make friends with them they because i understand that they understand the value of a true friendship..... the connection between young and old


when i was 17 i was put in to the workforce working construction. i traveled around with a 34 year old guy to work on jobs out of state. best friend i ever had... even though he probally dident consider me so


----------



## coreyy

they always go " you just a kid man" then they leave bc its not socially aceptable to have young friends...lame.... then they come around trying to act like your daddy when in the 1st place they were just looking for a friend... their motives change its rediculas


----------



## Justmine9

How can you be lonely when you have family and a husband that loves you. If I had family and a wife I would never get bored or lonely.


stargazer8 said:


> I'm married. I just recently quit my job due to depression. I have no friends. I only have family. My husband is supportive but he does not have SA.
> 
> I'm on Facebook with 149 friends, but NONE of them interact with me. I feel like a stalker when I go on to read status updates - but I guess I'm not a stalker if I'm their friend. They are all people I've met in real life - from school, work, whatever.
> 
> A part of me wants friends. I get lonely sometimes. I spend most nights alone trying to find things to do.
> 
> The other part of me wants to be alone. I'm afraid of having to go out or invite someone over. I have so much anxiety about going out. I wouldn't know what to do if someone came over.
> 
> Can anyone relate? Am I the only person that doesn't have friends?


----------



## Shrew

I guess I'm in the same boat as everyone else here. I'm 34, married and don't have a single friend. My wife does and I try to go to parties with her, but it just ends with people thinking I'm weird because I don't talk, contribute, interact, etc. When you're a guy w/ SA girls just think you're creepy. My anxiety culminates into a fight or flight reaction. I also perspire a ridiculous amount which makes the anxiety worse because I become self consious and physically uncomfortable. I used to have tons of friends and wanted to be the center of attention when I was young, but that all changed around 13 years old. I have tried to stay in touch w/ old friends, but slowly over the years they all realized I was a loser I guess and stopped responding or whatever. So if anyone wants to be friends, I'm around Chicago.


----------



## jnk501

I've just recently turned 36 and am in a similar boat -- but glad to have found this place and glad to realize I'm not alone.

I do have a partner... but the last 10+ years of focusing on a career (a career that pays quite well, but leaves me stressed, exhausted, and often feeling empty and inadequate -- but that's another story) has resulted in (and given me the excuse to) avoid all things social, letting the few friendships I had wither.

Usually I tell myself it doesn't bother me, and I'm too busy for such nonsense anyway. And while that's often true, as you all know, not having a friend to do something with when you want to really sucks.


----------



## aberfeldy

Stargazer - I completely get everything you wrote in your post. I'm in exactly the same situation. I'm married, and I feel very grateful for that, but I would love to be able to make some friends. I spend so much time wishing I could turn it around, make friends, go out with friends, or just have even one best friend who I could really talk to. You're not alone, I really sympathise with you because I'm going through exactly the same thing.


----------



## BobNothing

shimmer1221 said:


> ps: I can see how that movie Surrogates could become reality with the growing problem of social anxiety and other issues. One day maybe we will be in our beds and our robot bodies will be out there instead! LOL it's quite scary really ,,, wish there was a quick fix / cure for this problem.


I don't know, sounds pretty good to me. It would be nice to actually have some friends even if through robots. :afr


----------



## BobNothing

Lots of lonely married people on here, nice to know I'm not the only one. It seems strange that we have managed to get married but can't seem to have friends .


----------



## Broken mirror Broken me

Same boat here. 43, married, I have facebook "friends" but none that I interact with really. We could always start a group on there? Even a private one? Just a thought.

The loneliness of this particular issue has been soooooo very overwhelming to me lately. There have been things going on in my life where I NEED a support system and I have little to none. Just like now...I'm afraid I'm SO needy I'll send people running for the hills.  God I feel so socially awkward..


----------



## BobNothing

RE:Facebook

"We could always start a group on there? Even a private one? Just a thought." 

Is that possible? I couldn't risk having a 'Social Anxiety' group show up on my facebook account, I have too many people on there that I don't want to know about my issues (Plus I feel pathetic as it is). 

"I'm afraid I'm SO needy" your not alone, I'm getting desperate; I even tried the chat on this site! The chat seems to be full of very nice people but all are young and single which doesn't work for a married guy with kids. Just plain lonely :um .


----------



## Magen

we should have a SA face-book version.. we can update about that new shade we put on the windows. =]


----------



## Pemberley

I am part of the married +30 w/kids club too...


----------



## the lost one

*clone*

Hi there. I read what you have said and feel exactly the same. It describes me fully, right down to the number of facebook friends:um SPOOKY. Just to let you know that you are not alone and the feelings that you have shared by alot of people.

PS. When you feel alone and are wondering around trying to think of something to do. The motto that works for me is. It doesnt have to be productive but it does have to be something. Or the depression kicks in


----------



## pickyone

Shrew said:


> I guess I'm in the same boat as everyone else here. I'm 34, married and don't have a single friend. My wife does and I try to go to parties with her, but it just ends with people thinking I'm weird because I don't talk, contribute, interact, etc. When you're a guy w/ SA girls just think you're creepy. My anxiety culminates into a fight or flight reaction. I also perspire a ridiculous amount which makes the anxiety worse because I become self consious and physically uncomfortable. I used to have tons of friends and wanted to be the center of attention when I was young, but that all changed around 13 years old. I have tried to stay in touch w/ old friends, but slowly over the years they all realized I was a loser I guess and stopped responding or whatever. So if anyone wants to be friends, I'm around Chicago.


Just call me "sweats a lot" I have ruined numerous shirts and have lite weight jackets in every color to put on if I start to perspire. How embarrassing. : (


----------



## binsky

Why is it that there are so many people who wish they had friends, but so many people without friends?


----------



## EKC1224

binsky said:


> Why is it that there are so many people who wish they had friends, but so many people without friends?


:con ROFL truly :stu


----------



## GermanHermit

I'm convinced, most of us wouldn't be missing having friends if it weren't for facebook and co! (Surprised to see how many of 30+ are into that kind of image cultivation.)

The inflationary use of the word "friend" has decreased the value!

One shouldn't convulsively try to get friends! You can't get friends, like clicking on a button! Friendship has to develop.

I'm personally perfectly happy with good contacts or a good conversation with nice or interesting people every now and then. They give me inspiration and motivation just as much.

Neither a friend nor a partner is a cure-all for personal problems!

A personal problem is a personal problem!

A friend is the icing on the cake and nice to have!


----------



## ShyViolet

binsky said:


> Why is it that there are so many people who wish they had friends, but so many people without friends?


I've always been fascinated by all the people who say they have no friends but they're married. How did you married folks hook up with your spouse?


----------



## ForgetMeForever

closetscorpio said:


> Much better than Facebook where people have to give you their permission to be their friends and everyone seems so stinkin' perky and wholesome all the time. At least my "friends" do. (I have a Facebook account under my real name.


Had to laugh at the perky and wholesome on Facebook comment. I found Facebook to be ... stiffling. My online friends, who I'd known from a very small, private online environment were so different on Facebook. I realized that because people had signed up with real names and were reconnecting with real people and sometimes co-workers, they had to be different. Its hard to share your real thoughts and feelings if your boss might read it.

Right before I deleted my account, I went back over the few things I'd posted and at least one of the comments I made was so odd even I didn't know what I'd meant by it. At the time I wrote it, I remember thinking it was funny. Oh well!

I prefer small, intimate groups. So...yeah, I don't miss Facebook at all.


----------



## ForgetMeForever

Justmine9 said:


> How can you be lonely when you have family and a husband that loves you. If I had family and a wife I would never get bored or lonely.


Its possible to be lonely with a spouse. My husband and I have different "togetherness" needs. We have no kids, just two dogs. I spend a surprising amount of time alone. Having a spouse isn't total bliss. Having a spouse is like having a friend...its a relationship and its work. It has its ups and downs.


----------



## SHYGIRLAJB

Hi

Yeah I have a partner, and close family but I still feel lonely.

People say, how can you, but its hard to describe. I guess lonely in your head, as if no understands and things. Plus sometimes you need that person to listen to you, chat about random things that you can't chat to your partner, or family members about. 

I met my man, many years ago before this depression and anxiety started.


----------



## gamecock

I am 31 and have 0 friends. I have a g/f but the relationship is kind of strained. The only way I am able to date her is the fact that she accepts and is patient with my social anxiety. I have immediate family but I feel like they are so much better than me. All my 3 sisters are married and have huge houses and tons of friends. I would really just like to meet someone with sa who I could hang out with and grab a beer or go hiking with. Anyone interested?


----------



## EvilClown

Good thread! All I can say is I am 45 and like the majority of all other posts I have no IRL friends either. In fact I LOVE my COMPUTER! It's where all my friends live. LOL!


----------



## Jackbarton

Believe in yourself, give yourself more confident, more social activities, you can find your friends, though the beginning is suffering. come on!!!
I like make friends If you want to add me. you can add My facebook or MSN
My facebook:http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002181215505


----------



## Social Knight

I'm 32 male with no IRL friend. A quiet guy that didn't develop my friendship skills.

Maybe boring to talk to and had a boring work environment. If you need treatment I suggest get some.

If you are just shy and quiet, find more social activity.


----------



## bluediamond325

Im 27 with 2 children and a guy in my life.... aside from that.... no one. I am very bad at keeping up relationships with people and even worse at trying to start one. I am reluctant to talk to someone that I dont know at all because I never know what to say. Once I get past "hi, how are you".... the conversation goes flat. People think Im weird or that I consider myself "too good" to talk to them when in reality Im nervous as hell and havent the slightest idea how to carry a conversation. I hate it. Other people make talking to strangers look as easy as breathing. I envy that. So, here I am.... no friends and lonely as hell. No one to talk to except my children under age 7 and my significant other when he comes around. This is terrible, wish I could snap out of it. Just want to be able to meet more people.


----------



## coldcrush

stargazer8 said:


> I'm married. I just recently quit my job due to depression. I have no friends. I only have family. My husband is supportive but he does not have SA.
> 
> I'm on Facebook with 149 friends, but NONE of them interact with me. I feel like a stalker when I go on to read status updates - but I guess I'm not a stalker if I'm their friend. They are all people I've met in real life - from school, work, whatever.
> 
> A part of me wants friends. I get lonely sometimes. I spend most nights alone trying to find things to do.
> 
> The other part of me wants to be alone. I'm afraid of having to go out or invite someone over. I have so much anxiety about going out. I wouldn't know what to do if someone came over.
> 
> Can anyone relate? Am I the only person that doesn't have friends?


I'm 31 and In a similar situation, I typically have one close friend at a time and many acquaintances. I wish I had more friends but am content to be by myself I guess.

I will offer some advice; delete your Facebook account. I did and honestly have felt soooo much better. I, like you, had a around 200 friends but never saw a single one in person and always felt like a 'stalker'. Facebook is not real life but it makes it easy to seem like it is....i now only use it to talk to food/clothing/skate companies.

Just try pursuing your personal interests in the real world and you'll find you will meet people along the way  good luck...


----------



## Nick9075

stargazer8 said:


> I'm married. I just recently quit my job due to depression. I have no friends. I only have family. My husband is supportive but he does not have SA.
> 
> I'm on Facebook with 149 friends, but NONE of them interact with me. I feel like a stalker when I go on to read status updates - but I guess I'm not a stalker if I'm their friend. They are all people I've met in real life - from school, work, whatever.
> 
> A part of me wants friends. I get lonely sometimes. I spend most nights alone trying to find things to do.
> 
> The other part of me wants to be alone. I'm afraid of having to go out or invite someone over. I have so much anxiety about going out. I wouldn't know what to do if someone came over.
> 
> Can anyone relate? Am I the only person that doesn't have friends?


No i am 37 from nyc now living outside of boston and have no friends. Same with facebook, I have probably 100 friends on facebook but none of them interact with me. I am working on a contract/temp job at a well known bank in Providence, there no one interacts with me. People act so standoffish and almost hostile


----------



## meco1999

At least you have family. I'm 31, haven't had a single friend in 13 years (since high school), and haven't spoken to any of my family except my Mom (whom I live with) in more than 10 years. They never liked me anyway because of my SA. My dad died when I was 10, my grandparents are dead, no siblings. I'm very thankful to have my mom. Without her I have literally nobody in the world.

I've never even had a girlfriend or a romantic relationship. I'm a virgin.

I'm not complaining, I'm very thankful for everything I have. Just saying you're certainly not alone.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

I have no friends. Those of you who are married with children, I really do envy you. I would be satisfied with just that. Fat chabce of that happening. As for face book, I don't see the point. I guess I'm just not into social media.


----------



## MNM

First off, you have your husband! So be glad for that. 

Second...I have over 400 facebook friends but not a single one of them is ever there for me if I need something. I have been literally going through hell these past few weeks, alone... I have no one to talk to and its really depressing. 

If my dogs could write and talk...oh the books they could write about me


----------



## coldcrush

MNM said:


> I have over 400 facebook friends but not a single one of them is ever there for me if I need something. I have been literally going through hell these past few weeks, alone... I have no one to talk to and its really depressing.


If if were you I'd try deleting my Facebook account (even just temporarily), I know it made me feel a whole lot better


----------



## jsgt

binsky said:


> Why is it that there are so many people who wish they had friends, but so many people without friends?


Ah, I see what you're getting at. If only it were that easy! It's too bad that we're the complex creatures we are, huh? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to adapt the mindset of a dog(for example) when it comes to choosing a friend? They don't judge like we humans do, they don't have a list of qualities they look for, they aren't put off if we don't act how they want us to act...they just love us unconditionally because that's in their nature.

Eh, got off on a tangent there. To answer the question...it's because our feelings change.


----------



## pixies

millenniumman75 said:


> at 35 and a single man, I am literally an unwanted demographic.


haha 35 single man! HEY! Get back in your cage! oke

I'm a 30's single man too, it's hard for us! Hard for anyone in the 30's to make friends I think. I don't think anyone, even kids, go out and make friends. You just kind of become friends with people as you spend time together. Usually as kid it happens in school or playing out with other kids in the area. But then in adult life, most people's friends are from working together.

The hard part for me is that my work experience is... sporadic, and limited, because of my social anxiety. Kinda hard to work when you are terrified of talking to people :sus

I still have a few friends but they are ones I cling on to from high school. But making new friends, you have to get out and do stuff to do that. No point lurking on forums like this and on facebook, because there's just very little chance of making real friends that way. Maybe if you found someone who lived nearby and you managed to start a private conversation or something. But really, the best thing for people to do is to just get out. Going to church or going to night classes to learn new stuff, or even getting a temporary job or something, it's amazing how many people you meet when you do that. I remember a few years back I got a job at this place and I was feeling so bad with social anxiety at the time, that I quit on the first day... But in that ONE day, I actually made two friends believe it or not. One was a really cute girl who was sat next to me and I somehow managed to start a conversation with her and it turns out that she lives really close to me. And the other was just some guy who chatted to me when we had a lunch break and I was sitting alone eating a sandwich and he sat nearby and made conversation and he was really cool. Unfortunately I said goodbye to them both and then never returned the next day.... but if you could somehow manage to get yourself in to a job or something like that, with regular contact with people, you will make friends. It's a sure thing! It's just hard for us with SA...


----------



## millenniumman75

pixies said:


> haha 35 single man! HEY! Get back in your cage! oke
> 
> I'm a 30's single man too, it's hard for us! Hard for anyone in the 30's to make friends I think. I don't think anyone, even kids, go out and make friends. You just kind of become friends with people as you spend time together. Usually as kid it happens in school or playing out with other kids in the area. But then in adult life, most people's friends are from working together.
> 
> The hard part for me is that my work experience is... sporadic, and limited, because of my social anxiety. Kinda hard to work when you are terrified of talking to people :sus
> 
> I still have a few friends but they are ones I cling on to from high school. But making new friends, you have to get out and do stuff to do that. No point lurking on forums like this and on facebook, because there's just very little chance of making real friends that way. Maybe if you found someone who lived nearby and you managed to start a private conversation or something. But really, the best thing for people to do is to just get out. Going to church or going to night classes to learn new stuff, or even getting a temporary job or something, it's amazing how many people you meet when you do that. I remember a few years back I got a job at this place and I was feeling so bad with social anxiety at the time, that I quit on the first day... But in that ONE day, I actually made two friends believe it or not. One was a really cute girl who was sat next to me and I somehow managed to start a conversation with her and it turns out that she lives really close to me. And the other was just some guy who chatted to me when we had a lunch break and I was sitting alone eating a sandwich and he sat nearby and made conversation and he was really cool. Unfortunately I said goodbye to them both and then never returned the next day.... but if you could somehow manage to get yourself in to a job or something like that, with regular contact with people, you will make friends. It's a sure thing! It's just hard for us with SA...


I am still a bit closed off, but it is a LOT better than it used to be. It does take work.


----------



## ravens

When I was young almost all of my friends always lived near me. I almost never made friends with anybody in school except the ones that lived near me. I really didn't have any friends in high school. My last real friends that I had was when I was 12.


----------



## mikecee

im 31 yrs. old. no friends here. i'm married w/ 3 daughters. my biggest fear is that my daughters will not learn how to foster long-lasting relationships and friendships, b/c their dad is a recluse. 

my wife does pretty good in that department so i just hope they take after her. 

i had friends when i was younger. people change, unfortunately. and the friends i've had over the years, have taken my kindhearted nature for weakness -- and so we had to part ways. 

it does get hard. i mean being married is a plus. but i think its healthy to have friends, people to share a mutual respect with, and lean on when times get hard. 

but its really hard to find good natured people nowadays. good luck to those who have.


----------



## path0gen

Facebook is the bane of my existence. It's just a constant reminder that others have no issues whatsoever with going out and participating in social endeavors while I'm either at home or at work 90% of the time. If it wasn't for my spouse and daughter I'd probably just stay home all of the time. As for friends? Not since my early-mid 20's. I could probably rekindle some of those if I put forth some effort but I have no desire to befriend people 1,000 miles away that I haven't been on regular speaking terms with in over ten years. 

But yeah, Facebook. I go through waves of deleting 'friends' after realizing I have absolutely nothing in common with them on there. It's mostly just co-workers and family now. I think I'm down to 30.


----------



## Revenwyn

I'm married and have one friend, an ex romantic interest. Actually, I probably would have married him if his family hadn't fed me some bull**** story that he had died in a car accident (and told him that I had died too.) We were in love with each other but never allowed to be in an actual relationship.


After him I settled for the only guy who would take me... my husband... who has bipolar, asperger's syndrome, generalized anxiety disorder, lupus, tourette's syndrome... basically, a mess. I don't believe in divorce except for abuse or adultery, but I feel I made a serious mistake, now that I know the other guy is still alive...


I have a facebook but yeah I'm just a stalker.


----------



## keep2myself

I lol at the girl who is married and spends her night alone, unless he works 2nd or 3rd shift you should be snuggling up to someone you love. That's why I stay single, I don't see many people marrying for love, they marry for rocks, culture, biblical, oops preggers, or security, and that is very sad indeed. Or, lol, you marry someone and then they change into this other person.

Interesting comments about FB on this thread, seems to me FB started as popularity contests.


----------



## sandiegoman

*feel you*

Dont have any really close friends either because they dont understand me or because I find it less of a hassle. It doesnt take too long before i start loosing interest in someone who I think doesnt mind hanging out with me. Probably my own defence mechanism. I


----------



## BeNice

I have a Facebook that I created to keep in contact with two long distance friends, but it's mainly used to "stalk" and read/comment on newspaper/magazine articles. I never bothered being friends with everyday real life people on Facebook. I didn't want to participate in that, as it seems like a connection that shouldn't be made in my mind. I don't want to have that kind of sharing with much of anyone. I totally acknowledge how important Facebook is. It's not all that matters, and many people don't have one. If you are kind of left in the dark to begin with on social things, though, having one helps. That said, I think that I would have ended up how I am now regardless. I used to hang out with people a lot more. It wasn't always pleasant and I had some really bad nights and bad experiences with some people I knew at one point. What's sad for me is to see how much time I wasted. At least now I know that I am helping someone and animals with my time. I'd ideally like to travel more. Sometimes I really want friends, but I honestly don't know if I can make the kind of friends in real life like I made online in the past. It's hard to accept that certain things are over, and I get nostalgic for my past road trips sometimes. That was all very meaningful to me and I'd like to relive it somehow. I don't know anyone that does that sort of thing... no freespirited, dropout, don't give a s--t people.


----------



## glamourpuss80

You are not alone. I am still friends with my close group from high school, but we are not as close as we used to be. We hang out about once a month. Other than that, I just hang out with my family and husband.

Does anyone feel like it is harder to make friends in your 30's, more than it ever was? I feel like I can't make a friend for the life of me.


----------



## CK1708

Can I ask why does it say you have no friends, but at the same time you say your married?


----------



## Lelsey

I'm a recluse. I am not even married and don't have kid so family for me is my parents, who i talk to about once a month. I literally have no friend. My FB friend list has 30+ people, out of which i can only recognize 4. All 4 i have not talked to since 3-4 years ago. I think you are still in a much better place than me.


----------



## Dominokim

I just got slammed (sort of) on my thread for being married AND saying I don't have friends. What a joke. 

My situation is similar to yours. Just because my husband has friends doesn't mean they are my friends. I don't fit in with his friends and feel very uncomfortable around them because they are very clique and make me feel like I don't fit in and treat me differently. 

I don't treat my husband like he's my whole world, nor do I cling on to him. I have tried and tried to have friends, and back in high school had only a select few that I had close relations with but they were all from dysfunctional families like myself. years later I went to a shrink to get past my childhood demons, my whole life I've had a difficult time making friends, but honestly have not had any close friends since high school. 

I'm not the type to push people away when I had a boyfriend.


----------



## Dominokim

CK obviously if you are married it doesn't mean you have a circle of friends. It's not synonymous. Relationships outside a marriage are just as important. Often, when people talk about friends it means those of the same sex. Not that it can't mean the opposite sex. What is your aversion to someone saying they are married and don't have friends? It's so narrow minded, really.


----------



## Dominokim

The only reason I have a husband is because I went on a dating site. Luckily I found him when I did because there were too many whackos out there. Never went on a site to find a "friend" because it sounds so very pathetic and I probably didn't want to admit how pathetic I am.


----------



## Lelsey

@Dominokim
Sorry if i sounded wrong. I didn't mean to offend you. I just want to share my situation, which i am struggling with. 

Many times i wish i had the courage just to date and get married just to anyone. I'm thinking at least that would give me some sort of connections to the real world. I understand that your husband's friends might not be yours, but from where i am, i am very much inclined to think that at least having some social acquaintances are better than none because it gave you better chance of making friends. I am pathetic and desperate, i know.


----------



## Dominokim

Lelsey, my response was to ck, not in response
To what you wrote. Ck wrote the same thing on 
My own thread. 

I understand how you'd want a life partner. I was
Single for a long time and it was difficult. It does
Make it easier to have my husband in life, but it doesn't
Replace the need to have friends just like having a mother
Doesn't take the place of an absent father. That's the 
Best analogy I can come up with. 

This forum isn't dedicated to someone who is 
Solely a recluse. It's for social anxiety. If someone
Says they have no friends but that they are married, 
It still means they dong have friends. Having an intimate
Relationship physically is not the same classification
As a friend. Doesn't mean my husband isn't my friend, but
It's not what we're talking about. 

Sorry about the rant. It struck a chord with me that
People can be so narrow minded and judgmental.


----------



## Dominokim

I wasn't suggesting you we're pathetic or desperate. 

I think we're all here for the same reason.


----------



## Dominokim

*were not we're. Darn smart phone!


----------



## Dominokim

Lelsey, I don't think getting married to the 
Wrong person is better. That can be just as bad

You should marry because you live someone

Hope you find someone that will bring happiness
To your life. 

The rat of my rant was in response to other
Posts on this board.


----------



## Dominokim

The REST of my rant. Again darn smart phone!


----------



## Lelsey

Glad I didn't make you mad. It happened to me a lot when i angered someone without intending to or knowing why. I guess i have so little interaction with people, which is why.


----------



## jackbruns28

At least you're married. I'm 34 years old, jobless, marriageless, girlfriendless, forced to go back to community college in order to transfer to a four year college for my Computer Science degree. I only have my family to rely upon at this time. 

I'm probably the biggest loser on this entire forum. LOL.


----------



## Nick9075

jackbruns28 said:


> At least you're married. I'm 34 years old, jobless, marriageless, girlfriendless, forced to go back to community college in order to transfer to a four year college for my Computer Science degree. I only have my family to rely upon at this time.
> 
> I'm probably the biggest loser on this entire forum. LOL.


No at least you have the opportunity to start over. Computer Science is a great degree. I am 37 , have a degree in accounting and finance and cannot find ANY job. Maybe its me but it seems everyone hates me and there is always this underlying hostility. I own a business that I probably lose in the summer either due to the tens of thousands in taxes I cannot pay or because I wont get my contract renewed. 
No think about who has it worse.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

jackbruns28 said:


> At least you're married. I'm 34 years old, jobless, marriageless, girlfriendless, forced to go back to community college in order to transfer to a four year college for my Computer Science degree. I only have my family to rely upon at this time.
> 
> *I'm probably the biggest loser on this entire forum. LO*L.


You obviously haven't met me yet.


----------



## Lelsey

jackbruns28 said:


> I'm probably the biggest loser on this entire forum. LOL.


oh hello there, wanna have a biggest loser contest? :no


----------



## TheMaestr0

I was at a Christmas function tonight and I was so uncomfortable I wanted to get sick. I sat there, in all my anxiety - rapid heart beat, sweaty, etc - and just asked why me. Why do Ii have to be so uncomfortable - all the while just wanting to get out of there.


----------



## straightarrows

wow! 8 pages!!... thought no one at the age 30+ thinks about Friends!. they all think about $$$$$$ and how to make $$$$$!.......


----------



## lonesomeboy

hydinthebasmnt said:


> You obviously haven't met me yet.


or me


----------



## Biggles

TheMaestr0 said:


> I was at a Christmas function tonight and I was so uncomfortable I wanted to get sick. I sat there, in all my anxiety - rapid heart beat, sweaty, etc - and just asked why me. Why do Ii have to be so uncomfortable - all the while just wanting to get out of there.


^ That, I can relate to completely!!

I wondered all my life why I could not just relax in social situations. I was not afraid of anything in particular (except embarrassment and rejection), yet by sitting there sweating I was creating a situation where I was embarrassed and likely to be rejected. Made no sense. Recently I have learned that this is most likely caused in us by physical/emotional trauma very early in life 0 -2 years of age - before we had a choice as to how we react or deal with it. We may as well have been born with it, yet society convinces us that it is something we should easily overcome, that we're weak, flawed. But it's really like it is programmed into our DNA, so we actually don't have much choice or control over it. At least I have stopped beating myself for it. That's a huge improvement.


----------



## jackbruns28

Lelsey said:


> oh hello there, wanna have a biggest loser contest? :no


Oh, I'll definitely win that one. Let's see, I was a virgin until the age of 24 when I lost my virginity to a prostitute. No issues there obviously. 

Besides my severe SAD, I also have absolutely no sense of balance or eye hand coordination. Thus, I was never able to dance, play basketball, and all the other fun stuff you do outside.

I had asthma when I was younger. I also have poor vision being nearsighted.

And oh yeah, despite what everybody assumes, not every white person has money. In fact, I grew up in poverty and have been homeless multiple times in my life. I am the living, breathing poster child for white trash.

Can't get a job, can't make friends, no girl, no wife,


----------



## secretnamed

*at least you're married...*

i truly have nothing going for me right now... it's been a pattern in my life, but what makes it worse this time around is now i'm 31, not a spring chicken with my whole entire life ahead of me. i need something to change, but don't know how to do it. currently i'm jobless, friendless, and loveless, but not for lack of trying -- i have put forth great effort, to no avail. so now it feels like i have nothing to live for, except my elderly parents, but i even make them sad and unable to bring joy into their lives. i feel miserable.


----------



## AK32

You are definitely not alone, I am 34 years old and I have zero friends. The only people I hang out with are my aunt and my cousin. I get sad when I watch tv shows or movies where friends hang out and do things together because I don't have that and have never had that. I wish it was easier for me to meet new people.


----------



## albinosanta

I've never had friends. I'm used to it though. I suppose that's why i am the way I am. I have to fight for myself. No one else will do it for me. I don't like it no but I don't see anyone else jumping at the bit to try and help me without getting something in return.


----------



## Uffdaa

I'm pretty good at finding things to do that don't involve other people because I've been doing it my whole life. 

I meet people but not of them are friends they are all acquaintances. 

Lots of the people I've been around are drug addicts though so since I don't have that in common with them why would we be friends...it's what there friendships revolve around.


----------



## Wingman01

Lelsey said:


> oh hello there, wanna have a biggest loser contest? :no


IN :duel


----------



## AceRimmer

My Loser brethren, meet your Master. I am a wizard who is soon attaining his archmage status, going on 4 years jobless, negative bank account balance, student loans up the yin-yang that I will default on this year thus rendering my so-called useless degrees really useless, and leeching off his parents' retirement fund to put a roof over my head. As for friends, what are those?


----------



## Revenwyn

AceRimmer said:


> My Loser brethren, meet your Master. I am a wizard who is soon attaining his archmage status, going on 4 years jobless, negative bank account balance, student loans up the yin-yang that I will default on this year thus rendering my so-called useless degrees really useless, and leeching off his parents' retirement fund to put a roof over my head. As for friends, what are those?


I have never had a job, I'm being abused by my husband, my marriage is crumbling, I don't even have the equivalent of my GED, and we're about to be evicted, oh, and my family doesn't care enough to help in ANY way.


----------



## amblyopia

Well I hate to admite it but I also am friendless,besides my cousin and her husband I really have no friends, im new on the forumand jus wanted to show my support, hang in there


----------



## lonesomeboy

I haven't had a friend in 9 years. As in someone outside of work to hang or talk with.


----------



## Uffdaa

There are lots of resources for females who are in domestic violence situations and scholarships for displaced home-makers. 

I've lived in women's homeless shelters and the above things give you a free-ticket of sorts. 

So you know when you want to get free of it then it's up to you to make use of what is out there.


----------



## mk1411

I guess I can relate to this thread too. 30, single, and no real friends. I drifted away from my real "so called" friends many years ago. I am not a total outcast, I talk with people at work and people I know at the gym all the time trying to be social. But that's as far as it goes, they're really more of acquaintances if anything, not close people or anyone I'd really hang out with on a weekend. Most people my age are married with kids or in serious relationships, so how exactly are you supposed to meet people when everyone else is involved in relationships and family? The closest people in my life are my parents and brother, and I really don't get along with them all that well. Yeah, pathetic, I know.

It kind of pisses me off when I go out somewhere, and you just know that people are thinking "Why is this guy single and by himself?" I wouldn't mind going out doing stuff and going to bars, clubs, or whatever, but it's kind of weird and desperate looking when you go to one of those places by yourself. Honestly, I would even care if I had any guy friends to hang out with. I would much rather have a girlfriend, but without having any real friends, most women will think huge red flag WTF is wrong with this guy.

What a life to live, being alone at this age and feeling no real sense of purpose in life except floating around and being a waste of space. I have no idea how it came to this and why I am stuck like this, I hate it.


----------



## NotReady

Uffdaa said:


> There are lots of resources for females who are in domestic violence situations and scholarships for displaced home-makers.
> 
> I've lived in women's homeless shelters and the above things give you a free-ticket of sorts.
> 
> So you know when you want to get free of it then it's up to you to make use of what is out there.


Yeah, but not for men who flee violent women then lose almost their entire social structure at the same time.


----------



## the collector

.


----------



## atokasmith

I had to quit Facebook because it gave me Facebook anxiety. I recently read an article about Facebook anxiety, and it was a relief to know it effects others that way, too.

As far as making friends on this forum, I think it's difficult because we are all socially anxious. Many of us probably have our guards up and are distrustful. I always had a bit of social awkwardness and anxiety, but it has worsened over the years due to what I perceived as some rejections and some betrayals. If any of you want someone to talk to, I enjoy email and we can try it. We don't know each other, so feel free to speak your mind. I will probably identify with a lot of it. I don't mind being a listening ear, and I am very outspoken. I think that might be why I have trouble making and keeping friends. People play many social games and I never understand the rules. The rules I do understand, I don't like, so I'm always the oddball.


----------



## Darktower776

Haven't had any friends or hung out with someone that wasn't a family member in years. Used to have a few close friends but not anymore.


----------

