# Practice social skills, Video-chat



## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey everyone in there that need to get out there (I'm sorry)

I want to give you the opportunity and/or invite you to start an online anxiety group together, 
helping each other with problems and setbacks, setting goals together, but most importantly: VIDEO-CHATTING over skype or something, so we can apply the social skills we learn and I'm sure we'll be fully recovered within max six months. 

We could do this with two or three people, but the more the better I think, so you'll have more different personalities to talk to, and there 'll be more chance that you have time at the same time.
I think it would be good if we'd make skype accounts or something and everytime we're available, get online and first chat and discuss what skills we're going to practice and then video-chat, and afterwards tell each other on chat what points we think yourself and the other person did right and wrong and make notes and doing it even better the next time.

About my state at the moment:
at the start of college this year, my shyness has slowly involved into social anxiety. But after a few months I started CBT and made some great progress. I even talked with one guy in the train for 40 minutes (don't be scared, I've never done that before, trust me).

But the thing is: I found out that practicing social skills and conversation in the mirror was one of the best ways to get better. And I really think this will benefit you too really.
And then the next step is: practicing social skills with other people.

So if you feel like you're ready, or almost ready, it would be great for the both of us if you'd join me in this. I promise I won't judge you or whatever, if you want to you can just think about it as practicing, so if you make any mistakes, that's great, we'll just learn from that. 

As a matter of fact (of was it a fact of matter? Can't remember) I'll love you (in a business-associate-way) for joining me in this adventure!

So I'm really really looking forward to your responses, and to finally taking the last step and conquer our social anxiety's and shyness forever (exclamation mark)

Greetings you all


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## filmakerd (Oct 31, 2009)

I just read about this is it going to happen?


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## Event Horizon (Feb 23, 2011)

I am definitely interested! Please pm me the details so I can add the group


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## Mithun (Sep 25, 2008)

Its a good idea... oral communication(in-person) is one of the main deal of SA... I guess, with practice and exposure we could gradually overcome..

Thanks Benmiller.. I am in!:yes


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## slothex (May 24, 2011)

Id be interested to try it out.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

Coolz0rz. Me and this other dude is starting a Skype SAS group like this. If U havent already started it, U can join us. We suppose to start very soon.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

It's great that so many people are interested! 
I have a really bad headache right now and am really tired, so I'm going to sleep, but tomorrow I'll outline the details of the idea to you and get this started


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

"Update" It will start very soon, Rombow and I will first discuss some details to get it working good.
Have a nice day


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## meringue (May 30, 2011)

I'd be interested. Sounds like an awesome idea.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey there,
so here's what I think will be a good way to start the skype group:

Step 1:
add me on skype: "theglovecompartment"
(you can make a new skype-account for this purpose if you want to)

Step 2:
I will make a contact-list with all the people and send that to everyone on skype, so everyone has everyone as a contact.(still grasp it?)

Step 3:
We don't schedule set times for meetings, because I know everyone has many things scheduled already in their lives, and people that are around that aren't supposed to be around. 
But just try to be online whenever you can.

Step 4:
When someone else is online when you are online, talk to that person on skype-chat and discuss shortly what social skills each of you is going to practice in the conversation and maybe shortly some other details if needed

Step 5: 
Talk and or video with each other on skype for as long as you like. If it's five minutes, that's great, if it's two hours, even better! I mean, we don't do this to judge each other, but just to practice, and every bit of practice you get, you have in your pocket and you can use to do it better next time. (Most people profit from their successes, wise people profit from their mistakes)

Step 6: (this is maybe the most important step)
After the skype-talk and or video, you chat with each other on skype-chat and discuss what went wrong and what went well in general. You tell each other what the other person did wrong and did good and can ask each other questions about what they think could bet better etc.

Step 7:
Well, there actually isn't really a step 7, but if there is anyone else that wants to join our group, or you ask someone to join the group (much appreciated), just add that person in your contact list, and after that, send them the whole contact-list (you can find that in skype under Contacts->send contacts). After that everyone else in the list should get the message that the new person wants to become their contact, they say "oke", well you don't have to, you are no robot, well, oke... This way everyone should keep connected with everyone.

So, bonus step:
I hope it's gonna work right right away, but probably not everything will go perfect right away. But don't give up, this is just a start, hopefully it's gonna build to something great. If we could get twenty people there would be someone to talk to almost all the time, and maybe it may even get bigger. Just, if you know know people who would want to join, send them this message, and you have done your good deed to the world for the day again.
And if anyone has any more questions, ideas or whatever you can have as a human being, I'd love to hear it.

Greetings Ben


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## Squirrelevant (Jul 27, 2008)

Benmiller said:


> I think it would be good if we'd make skype accounts or something and everytime we're available, get online and first chat and discuss what skills we're going to practice and then video-chat, and afterwards tell each other on chat what points we think yourself and the other person did right and wrong and make notes and doing it even better the next time.


I don't know if I'm comfortable with this sort of thing. I could give it a try, but I'd mostly be interested in the exposure and experience gained from simply talking to people on skype before I do much in the real world. I've been in a pretty bad state with my SA for a while now and I don't have much confidence in my ability to socialise outside of the internet, nor do I have many opportunities to do so, despite having been in therapy for almost a decade.



Benmiller said:


> When someone else is online when you are online, talk to that person on skype-chat and discuss shortly what social skills each of you is going to practice in the conversation and maybe shortly some other details if needed





Benmiller said:


> After the skype-talk and or video, you chat with each other on skype-chat and discuss what went wrong and what went well in general. You tell each other what the other person did wrong and did good and can ask each other questions about what they think could bet better etc.


I don't think many are going to be willing to do these steps. It's a very awkward thing to ask of anyone, let alone someone with SA. I'll have enough trouble saying "hello". I don't want to have to tell someone who is already extremely self-conscious what they did "wrong" and I wouldn't want to be scrutinised in such a way by others. This approach would most likely reinforce my SA. People with this condition need to learn that there isn't a right or wrong way to go about most things anyway. I think it would be better if people just talked normally and became more comfortable naturally over time.

I'd give this a try if it weren't for those two steps.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

@ pointy

I think you understand me wrong, of course there are no rules to socializing, although there are certain habits that you can practice and learn that can be really beneficial.

And ofcourse, if you just want to talk to people, that's oke too. I just made some guidelines, but you and the person you talk to can decide to do whatever you want: If you think something else works better, just do that.

But it would be cool if you tried it out 

Almost all succesfull people also learned this way, through feedback. At the end of the day they think: what did I all screw up today? And how can I do that better next time? Just read Dale Carnegies books if you haven't yet, they're great. And here I want to apply the same principles of constructive feedback.

And I think if you say on beforehand to the other person that you are, for example, going to listen well, then you are kind of forced to do that, because you said you we're going to do that. I think that's a good motivation, because people tend to forget to apply things they learn, while that's the most important step.


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## mgeezy360 (Jun 25, 2011)

*Contact*

I've tried to contact you Ben but no response on Skype.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey, sorry, didn't get to it yet, but did I add you now in skype? Tomorrow I will contact all the contacts so far.


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## Squirrelevant (Jul 27, 2008)

I got a contact request from someone who I didn't know with a generic message. Since I don't like to add people randomly (due to the potential for spammers, scammers and whatnot), I almost didn't add them until I googled their user name and found that they replied on one of the skype threads here. So I figured you shared my details with them. I added them and wasn't sure what to say, plus I felt anxious, so I left it at that. Has a group chat room even been created for this? Is anything happening currently? I'm seriously confused.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

@ pointy:

Hey, good thing you added them. I also had that problem the first time: I almost thought someone was a bot or something.

About the group: Like you can see in my posts above: the main idea for the group is that we are all contacts on skype and that you can talk to someone whenever you have time, because there'll probably be someone else online too. And the more people will join, the more chance there'll be someone is online to talk with.
For the rest, I don't think we need a group chat, everything we need we have already right now. 
I hope you're a bit less confused. It's normal to feel anxious about it, that's the very reason why we started it, I have it too, like the rest, you're not alone, and over time you'll get more and more comfortable.


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## Benmiller (Feb 11, 2011)

*"Update"*
Hey people, I wanted to make sure everybody knows what's going on.
1st: there are nine people in our group now, what's quite much already
2nd: There were some problems with the sharing of contacts with skype, so if you don't have eight contacts yet, you can contact me and I'll send them. Or you could ask someone else from the group too.
3rd: The group is not dead, and will not be for the next years if that's necessary, for as far as I'm concerned. Of course it's summer now and many people will have holidays too. The 23rd of this month I'll be gone for 3 weeks to Spain, so I probably won't respond.

Ok, keep it up you guys And listen to the new Death Cab for Cutie album, "Codes and Keys"


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