# Avoiding Support Groups



## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I signed up to a "Mood Disorder Group" in New York City and went to 2 or 3 meetings. Now I am convinced no one at the groups like me because no one talks to me outside the group. It seems like everyone else interacts before or after the group and knows each other. Now I don't even want to go back, even though I get no other support really anywhere else. 

Does anyone else go to support groups but also start dreading going/interacting with everyone? I also feel like an outcast even in the support group.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I haven't joined the SAD group here. I'm just too afraid or more like i don't have an interest in meeting people.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Yea and the groups I went to there were always some members that annoyed me or borderline insulted me. Groups like that, you can't rule out people ****ing with you on some level.


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## saniamirzangp (Oct 18, 2013)

Conquer Fear said:


> I signed up to a "Mood Disorder Group" in New York City and went to 2 or 3 meetings. Now I am convinced no one at the groups like me because no one talks to me outside the group. It seems like everyone else interacts before or after the group and knows each other. Now I don't even want to go back, even though I get no other support really anywhere else.
> 
> Does anyone else go to support groups but also start dreading going/interacting with everyone? I also feel like an outcast even in the support group.


Hi,

I think if you are not comfortable with interaction outside, then don't do that.

Regards


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I would want to talk to someone before or after the group... no one approaches me... I actually feel really alien for not having met anyone there. I only went 2 or 3 times, but still. I haven't gone in a month though.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

I'd be mortified to go to a meet up group. Too bad I only interact with my stupid coworkers.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

VickieKitties said:


> I'd be mortified to go to a meet up group. Too bad I only interact with my stupid coworkers.


Yea it has now been over a month, I dread going, and with this mood disorder group, some people are so off the wall... I only went 3 or 4 times in my life, one guy said he tried to kill himself 5 or 6 times, another thought he was Jesus...

Some people in the group are hostile towards me and others for no apparent reason, they just are off...

Still want to go back because I get no support anywhere else.


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## ann1111981 (Jun 6, 2013)

Yeah I cant sit in a support group or any type of group or class I cant be in a room with other people or a waiting room or most places in life in general. Its been fun. Ive been like that since I was like 17. Once I went to a support group to get help with anxiety/dbt for black and white thinking etc and the group was full of women with serious problems who were really screwed up and off. So I wasnt anxious being around them. But the women running the group made me anxious so it was very uncomfortable. But I could sit there for that one but it turned out to be not worth my time.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

The crazy thing is I feel competition even with people in support groups... some of the people that talk so much better and ananlyze things more clearly than I do... when it is my turn to talk I stutter mumble and fidget... I also rarely look people in the eye when I talk so I end up staring off at a blank spot on the wall... 

The worst thing is I feel like I am being judged by everything I say, which how can you blame them if they do, but I am not working and even most of the people in the group I think are working. So part of me feels like I need a job to not only date someone but to even not feel worthless enough to have an opinion at a support group.


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## LifeInACage (Nov 10, 2013)

Conquer Fear said:


> I would want to talk to someone before or after the group... no one approaches me... I actually feel really alien for not having met anyone there. I only went 2 or 3 times, but still. I haven't gone in a month though.


Hi

To be fair to you and the people in the group, you haven't been that many times and there may be people that take a bit of time to get used to you in the group maybe. You say nobody approaches you...what about you approaching them? Give it a go, what have you got to lose? You can only try and if they're not forthcoming then leave them, try someone else.

Speaking of myself, i'm a really quiet girl who just doesn't have a lot to say in general but I think that's because i'm more of a listener than a talker. Whenever i've started a new job or joined a group, I can be really quiet but it depends on the people and how confident i'm feeling, as well as mood.


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## LifeInACage (Nov 10, 2013)

Conquer Fear said:


> Yea it has now been over a month, I dread going, and with this mood disorder group, some people are so off the wall... I only went 3 or 4 times in my life, one guy said he tried to kill himself 5 or 6 times, another thought he was Jesus...
> 
> Some people in the group are hostile towards me and others for no apparent reason, they just are off...
> 
> Still want to go back because I get no support anywhere else.


It's horrible when you have dread going to something but if you push yourself to go, you should be pleased with yourself for having made yourself go. At the end of the day, they're only people; people with their own complex, possibly more difficult, problems (I am not making light of your problems here, since I don't know you or your problems).

Why are they hostile towards you or what are they saying that seems hostile?

As far eye contact, I have that problem too as I find I can't remember what I want to say if I look someone in the eye. I try to maintain it as best I can but I end up looking upwards.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

What sort of mood disorder?


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## Ironyinivory (Nov 23, 2013)

Im in a group therapy class. They make it a rule to not be friends outside of class. It helps no one feel left out and it makes it feel like a safe environment. DBT. Im in california so I cant suggest the place I go to but Look up DBT for where you are. It really helps.


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## mere phantom (Dec 16, 2003)

I've gone to several different kind of support groups.

The depression ones are always dumped along side the bipolar ones and I've never liked those groups much. People there have pretty good lives and its usually older women that are married/divorce, have kids, job and friends. Plus most of the talk is all about meds and I'm against meds for the most part. Also a few there said they would like to be alone, which I know is BS, give them SA and loner status for a month and they would understand its not fun.

The SA support group I've been to was nice. Granted most of the ones there are not as extreme as many as I've talked to on this site. I was usually the quietest one there. Of course it makes sense that those that aren't too bad will be able to show up or want to. It's nice to know you aren't alone and talking in person beats the forums, IM or chatrooms.

It's hard with many of these groups because u will compare yourself, but see what you can get out of it and if it works, go again, if not after 2 or 3 times, then don't torture yourself.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

mere phantom said:


> I've gone to several different kind of support groups.
> 
> The depression ones are always dumped along side the bipolar ones and I've never liked those groups much. People there have pretty good lives and its usually older women that are married/divorce, have kids, job and friends. Plus most of the talk is all about meds and I'm against meds for the most part. Also a few there said they would like to be alone, which I know is BS, give them SA and loner status for a month and they would understand its not fun.
> 
> ...


You mean it was depressed people mixed with bipolar people?


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

U approach them. They are already settled in n have mood disorder, so maybe they think u don't wanna talk, when u get talking say 'im glad I got chatting with yous tday cya next week' or something..


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

I went to a NAMI support group, a mood disorder group and an anxiety group. The latter two were okay for advice and what not, but the first one was awkward as there were only three 50+ year-old people. I didn't really meet anyone in particular at any though. I want to but I'm so awkward.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

komorikun said:


> What sort of mood disorder?


Bipolar disorder and depression


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

I was considering going to one in NYC, since there are none where i am, but your post has me reconsidering it. Is the group specific to social anxiety, or other mood disorders?


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## mere phantom (Dec 16, 2003)

komorikun said:


> You mean it was depressed people mixed with bipolar people?


Yes, its quite common for them to have a support group with those 2 combined. But in my opinion they are not very similar.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

LifeInACage said:


> It's horrible when you have dread going to something but if you push yourself to go, you should be pleased with yourself for having made yourself go. At the end of the day, they're only people; people with their own complex, possibly more difficult, problems (I am not making light of your problems here, since I don't know you or your problems).
> 
> Why are they hostile towards you or what are they saying that seems hostile?
> 
> As far eye contact, I have that problem too as I find I can't remember what I want to say if I look someone in the eye. I try to maintain it as best I can but I end up looking upwards.


Well one made a sarcastic remark after I talked "oh it's my turn finally" that pissed me off. One time I mentioned the Mets and Yankees were 5 years away from competing, and a woman said simply, "I disagree with that" Number one she is wrong, the Mets have one semi-star and no one else and the Yankees are old and washed up... freaking pissed me off don't know why...

I also can't concentrate on what I am saying while looking someone in the eye, everything goes blank.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

mere phantom said:


> I've gone to several different kind of support groups.
> 
> The depression ones are always dumped along side the bipolar ones and I've never liked those groups much. People there have pretty good lives and its usually older women that are married/divorce, have kids, job and friends. Plus most of the talk is all about meds and I'm against meds for the most part. Also a few there said they would like to be alone, which I know is BS, give them SA and loner status for a month and they would understand its not fun.
> 
> ...


First of all, a mood disorder group can mean a wide array of things. There are a few people that show up that not only don't talk about any of their problems but actually claim to not have any problems. Why the ***** would they show up at all?!?!? Then you have the opposite, people on the verge of suicide, on drugs, depressed, hopeless... others who are just confused...

I am also on almost no medication for the first time in over 15 years... off anti-depressants finally... yea too much talk about medication, one girl the first time I went who was bragging about her money and lifestyle admitted to being on like 15 different medications... she was also anorexic too I think but that is another story...

As screwed up as many of them are, I still feel like I have it worse than them somehow and they secretly laugh at how pathetic my life is.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

starburst93 said:


> I was considering going to one in NYC, since there are none where i am, but your post has me reconsidering it. Is the group specific to social anxiety, or other mood disorders?


Like I said in my previous post, people with all kinds of problems go... some seem to just show up, want to get out of the house, or are lost souls, others are in a deep deep hole they may never get out of, some are hostile, some are annoying, some are helpful...

Some in my mood disorder group mentioned having social anxiety.

A big problem is I can't deal with large groups and there are 10-20 people in each group I can generally only deal with 1-on-1 interactions.


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