# my social anxiety story



## papaya (Jan 12, 2008)

a lot of people who meet me would never guess all of the things I've had to overcome in the past..
I was always the "shy quiet one" but things were brought to a head when I got to high school...
In high school, my life was a living hell. My dad was a major alcoholic (that's the reason he's dying right now, actually), my mom had tons of anxiety issues herself.. and my siblings just didnt get why I always wanted to be alone and they chose to make fun of me for it.. I had no friends..I had no support system.

I turned to food for comfort.. I ate constantly until I weighed nearly 300 pounds by my senior year, and i felt that a lot of people in school disliked me solely for that reason. It's not like anyone was outright rude to me, they just constantly had these little subtle ways of making sure I knew where i stood. maybe that was all in my head though.
Needless to say I felt pretty bad about myself. I was severely depressed. I would go days without saying a word to anyone. I spent entire days locked in my room eating and/or crying. No one understood what I was going through. My siblings were constantly rude to me, making fun of me living in "my cave". 
I felt like no one cared to know why I was the way I was.. they would just rather hold it against me and exclude me from their lives..

I missed out on everything..prom, parties, the senior banquet, dating...all because I just couldnt manage to be around people without feeling like I was having a panic attack.
I finally woke up and made a few life changing decisions after I graduated.. I decided that even if i was right and no one cared about me , I would care about myself.
I started exercising, changed my diet, and eventually went vegan. All of these things brought a peace to my life. I lost all the excess weight. Not to brag or anything, but I'm pretty sure most people who were rude to me in high school would be intimidated by me these days. . but more important than that is the fact I FEEL better.. I feel alive finally.
I also decided that instead of being angry at people I would have compassion for them, even if they did not have any for me when i needed it. I really feel that people "know not what they do...". This helped with the anger I felt towards my family..and probably the world in general.

Even though I'm at a better place now mentally, and I can be in public without feeling like I owe the world a huge apology just for BEING ALIVE.. I still struggle with relating to other people and letting myself interact like a social being.. still haven't managed to make A SINGLE FRIEND......
I'm fine with social graces.. being cordial, making small talk.. but that's where my social skills end.
I guess part of me still feels like people are glaring at me and judging me all of the time.. that's the obstacle I'm trying to overcome at this particular point in time.
thanks to anyone who reads this... :]
hopefully my story can help someone who is going through something similar.. there is hope..no matter how bad things seem.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

You strike me as a very mature and wise person. 



papaya said:


> I finally woke up and made a few life changing decisions after I graduated.. I decided that even if i was right and no one cared about me , I would care about myself.


Accepting and loving yourself are so important! I'm just now starting to realize that.



papaya said:


> I also decided that instead of being angry at people I would have compassion for them, even if they did not have any for me when i needed it. I really feel that people "know not what they do...". This helped with the anger I felt towards my family..and probably the world in general.


That's very big of you! You have a great way of thinking about things, and I think I have a new role model. :yes

Congrats on all the triumphs! :banana


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## smiles (Nov 13, 2006)

papaya said:


> I finally woke up and made a few life changing decisions after I graduated.. I decided that even if i was right and no one cared about me , I would care about myself.


Inspiring! I like the above. Thanks for sharing.

oh and three bananas on going Vegan, my eventual destination. :banana :banana :banana


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

:squeeze :hs You've come a long way. Congrats to you. :yes


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

That's a great story!



> I finally woke up and made a few life changing decisions after I graduated.. I decided that even if i was right and no one cared about me , I would care about myself.


This sounds similar to a resolution I distinctly remember making in college. I felt like crap, but I decided that I would treat myself well even if I wasn't perceiving good treatment from others.

While I didn't face the challenges of excess weight that you faced, I was able to accomplish a dream of mine in running a full marathon after 8 months of training.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

I love the stuff about compassion - so true! Thanks for the reminder and well done for coming so far. Let some more of that compassion out and wear your heart on youyr sleeve a little more - then you can let people in and have those close friends that we all need.

Good luck Miss P!

Ross


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