# Is cheating a deal-breaker for you?



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I've been in a multitude of relationships, some of which I have been the cheater and others where I have been cheated on. Based on my personal experience, it would seem that women are generally more forgiving and willing to let this sort of behavior slide, depending on how far along the relationship is. Men, however, almost always want to end things immediately after finding out. Just trying to get a feel here for:

a) What constitutes cheating

b) What, if anything, is acceptible and whether the term of the relationship influences this


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

An absolute yes, whether its physical cheating or 'just' emotional cheating, I'd never be able to trust the person again. I don't see how someone could genuinely care for me if they were prepared to cheat, no bull**** excuses accepted.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Cheating that involves actual sex would be it for me. Wouldn't matter if I'd been married 30 years. If the guy has sex with someone else it's over instantly. No argument. No discussion. Just goodbye. Anything besides that becomes a grey area on what cheating is. However any physical contact beyond friendly hugs and so forth would have me questioning things.


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## puffins (Mar 9, 2011)

yes, this includes kissing and any sort of sexual contact, in general, being dishonest to this degree is a deal breaker.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Cheating would involve kissing or more for me.

I've (hopefully) never been cheated on, but I would hope I have enough spine that it WOULD be a dealbreaker for me. Trust is so very important to me, and once you lose if there is nothing left.


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## Anemone (Apr 12, 2011)

i might let some light flirting slide. maybe. but anything more than that and its over.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I just don't know how I could still be happy around my girlfriend knowing she got ******* out by some other dude while we were together.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

Anything sexual would qualify as cheating for a potential partner of mine. The minimum would be making out. Of course, as with many other things, it'd be situational. 

I'm a read and react type of guy anyway. If I had enough, it wouldn't take me long to just end the relationship. I'd simply get rid of a girl without a logical reason. I'd get a rid of a woman if I just didn't feel like a relationship anymore. 

I view a relationship as something that has to be 100% wanted from both sides of the partnership. You should never be in a relationship you don't want to be in for any reason, IMO.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

TenYears said:


> ^ I agree. But things get very, very complicated when you have kids. WTF is the next move then...


If you have a full-time job you could get your own apartment, at least. I'm not sure what your job situation is?


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## kelsomania (Oct 12, 2010)

It's a deal breaker for me. I don't cheat so I expect the same. I have tried to forgive a cheater, but he just took it for granted and kept cheating. They even had the audacity to blame me for their cheating.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

My gut instinct says yes, but I'm sure there will be some situations where you'll just have to turn a blind eye and let it slide.

Why someone would feel the need to cheat is also important. If they had to turn to another person because they're not getting what they want/need from you, then maybe it's best to let them go. Some people also cheat because they want to be caught, so if they don't even want to be in the relationship anymore, why keep them around?

I'm surprised at how willing some women are to forgive cheating as long as it's just about sex, though, presumably under the widely-held belief that it's just "natural" for men to want sex from anyone they find attractive. For me, that's the ONE reason I would consider an instant deal-breaker. Give me a break. I don't care about the tired argument about men just doing what evolution wants them to do - there's also something called willpower and self-control. Don't have them? Then you have a problem.

As for the length of the relationship itself, it matters less than whatever possessions the two of you have at that point (e.g., kids). I don't, however, find the number of years I've been together with someone particularly valuable. If a marriage is broken, it's broken. There's no sense in staying in a broken relationship just because you've been together too long.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Having been there it's better for kids to be raised by one stable parent than a couple not getting along so long as that parent has the means to support them.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I'd consider kissing and anything more cheating. 

I so very hope that it would be a deal breaker for me. It would destroy my trust, so even if I tried to give the relationship another chance it would probably already be doomed.


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## atticusfinch (Dec 18, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> Cheating would involve kissing or more for me.
> 
> I've (hopefully) never been cheated on, but I would hope I have enough spine that it WOULD be a dealbreaker for me. Trust is so very important to me, and once you lose if there is nothing left.


again, my sentiments exactly.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think it depends on the person and your view on things. Me personally, I'd dumb her *** because that is not how I want to be treated and also I don't want a girlfriend like that. It's not my style and I'd want the girl to be the same way.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

path0gen said:


> a) What constitutes cheating


I'd judge that on a case-by-case basis. But any romantic/sexual physical act is definitely cheating as far as I'm concerned.



path0gen said:


> b) What, if anything, is acceptible and whether the term of the relationship influences this


I don't think the term of the relationship would influence me much. Checking someone out/complimenting them etc. may be acceptable. Excessive flirting is when I'd start to lose affection for the other party. If they keep pushing it, I'd prefer to end it.

I have little tolerance for shenanigans. Be serious about your commitment or go play somewhere else.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

Sadly, no.

I've been cheated on, but I didn't want to lose that person so I forgave them and worked through it.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

It depends on the circumstances whether I'd consider it safe enough to continue to emotionally invest in a person. But if they were such that it was worth working on, I doubt I could regain the former trust and there'd always be a barrier between us that might slowly but surely distance us until the relationship was no more. That'd be in the majority of cases but there might be a few where it doesn't happen, depending on the person. 

Circumstances where I'd consider it not worth working on would include their desire to cheat being based more on who they are than anything I've done, cheating by having gratuitous sex, and cheating related to falling in love with another and/or out of love with me.


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## crayzyMed (Nov 2, 2006)

No, i cant just let anyone go, even tough it would hurt me.


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## add2list (Nov 10, 2010)

It probably would be. It would depend on the circumstances, but I can't imagine being able to trust the person again.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

TenYears said:


> If you have to ask, if you have to wonder, then it's cheating.
> 
> Why even bother being in a relationship, if you want to mess around, well then mess around. People (guys or girls) that decide they want to go "find themselves" or experiment after years of being married, and after kids, are sick, twisted, selfish, lame excuses for human beings. To put innocent people thru that kind of pain, esp little kids, is sick.
> 
> ...


You nailed it !!!


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## Maxine79 (Mar 9, 2013)

Lighthearted flirting I can accept providing it doesn't go any further, giving compliments or looking and finding another person attractive are normal and natural human behaviours even for those in a relationship and again I can accept that providing it doesn't go any further.

Like most of the others who've posted here, anything ranging from heavy duty sex talk right down to the sex act itself would be cheating in my opinion but I don't think it's black and white, you really have to look at each case, find out *why* it happened...finding out why is actually quite important and doing whatever it takes to fix the problem to ensure it doesn't happen again.

If someone is a serial cheater and just keeps cheating over and over and over again despite all efforts to fix things then you might need to consider moving on from that person..

Sel x


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Yes, trust would be lost there would be no point continuing the relationship. 

Lets say you do continue the relationship with the cheater. Wouldn't you be constantly paranoid or second guessing them. I know I would and I'm not going to waste my life stressing out on them, just not worth it.


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

Not completely. I found out my boyfriend slept with two other women. I gave him the opportunity to admit what he'd done and told him if we could talk about it and work through it maybe we could stay together. But he couldn't do that. 
The lying and refusal to apologise was what hurt the most.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

Yes, its a deal-breaker. No 2nd chance will be given.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

mooncake said:


> An absolute yes, whether its physical cheating or 'just' emotional cheating, I'd never be able to trust the person again. I don't see how someone could genuinely care for me if they were prepared to cheat, no bull**** excuses accepted.


well ****ing said :clap


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Depends on how desperate I am. 

Answer: very desperate.


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

yes, they have broken my trust and its something I would NEVER do to someone else.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Without a doubt.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Anemone said:


> i might let some light flirting slide. maybe. but anything more than that and its over.


If she's flirting with other guys then she's not happy with you and looking for someone to cheat with. Basically, the relationship is already over and you just don't know it yet.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I automatically assume that all women cheat, but regardless, yes it's a deal breaker.

Since I would rather not spend the rest of my life in jail, I can't just kill a gal for cheating on me. The best thing I can do is to simply pretend she doesn't exist. Stop talking to her, ignore her completely, pretend you never met in the first place, etc.

You know, in some cultures, adultery is punishable by death. I think all forms of infidelity should be punishable by death. But unfortunately that isn't going to happen.


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## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Yes, it's a deal breaker. It's what everyone else has been saying - trust.
I have huge trust issues to begin with, so if I was to ever be in a relationship with someone, it means I must have a lot of trust in them. And cheating would severely damage that trust. I'm a very dedicated person so I would also expect my partner to be dedicated as well. I've seen what the affects of cheating has on families. It ruined my childhood so I don't take it lightly.

That being said though, I'm fine if a guy wants to hang out with other women when I'm not around. I see nothing wrong with that as long as it's not sexual in nature. I'm not going to be one of those jealous girls that's freaks when her boyfriend so much as talks to another woman.

The way I see it, if you want to mess around then you shouldn't be in a relationship.


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

Cheating Definition: Them doing anything to another person where they'd have to stop, turn around to make sure I wasn't behind them, knowing that I'd be disapproving.

Dealbreaker: No. But damnably close to one... It'd take nothing short of the slightest of slights on top of that to end it... And nothing but the most apologetic of apologies to keep from ending it.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

My sister cheated on her bf. It was a one off situation/impulsive thing so he forgave her. Just thinking about this, if this happened to me I'd be so sad and feel be like why me? It would be a situation of extreme self-pity. Maybe I would be forgiving, who knows. But only if it was a one off rendezvous-kind-of-thing


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## Maxine79 (Mar 9, 2013)

Boy you sound like my ex partner who also had a bad habit of assuming that all women cheat because his ex wife did, well I'm sorry but most decent women wouldn't put up with someone like that and this was very much the reason I *left* my ex because I got sick of him assuming and falsely accusing me of cheating when I never did...oh and I got sick of the domestic violence too.

Sel


Rainbat said:


> *I automatically assume that all women cheat, but regardless, yes it's a deal breaker.*
> 
> Since I would rather not spend the rest of my life in jail, I can't just kill a gal for cheating on me. The best thing I can do is to simply pretend she doesn't exist. Stop talking to her, ignore her completely, pretend you never met in the first place, etc.
> 
> You know, in some cultures, adultery is punishable by death. I think all forms of infidelity should be punishable by death. But unfortunately that isn't going to happen.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Of course it would be.
What kinda ****ing question is that?


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Yes, it's a dealbreaker.

Cheating is being intimate with someone else. If you're drunk you're still cheating. Porn is not cheating. Cybersex and sexting is cheating. Looking isn't cheating, flirting intentionally is. If you have a personality that can be mistaken as flirtation, it's not cheating. If someone tries to kiss you, it's not cheating, but it's a little hard to believe it.


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## wallenstein (Mar 27, 2013)

How could it not be a dealbreaker for everyone?


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## ZM5 (Sep 13, 2015)

Complete deal breaker. Making out and more I would classify as cheating.

If you're gonna get into a relationship, and make vows to be faithful and whatnot, then ****ing keep them! 
If you want to just mess around then why get into a relationship in the first place?

I would say emotional cheating is way worse, though sooner or later it goes hand in hand with physical cheating. When someone tells you they love you but actually loves someone else, then finding out about it would be even worse than if I caught my partner having sex with someone else.


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## saya2077 (Oct 6, 2013)

Yes, if you cheat then you are disgusting.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

It would depend on thing eg been drunk and how far it got but yeah it would be


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## TCNY (Dec 3, 2014)

but are you hot?


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Yes, done-zo.

If my bf had like an emotional affair, I'd be upset and hurt. I would probably just dump him and move on.

If my bf kissed another girl and took her on some "dates", I'd be devastated, extremely hurt, and feel like I wasn't good enough for him. I would dump him, but also maybe destroy his prized electronic devices. 

If my bf had sex with another girl, I'd be disgusted, shocked and I might stab him. I'm j/k, I wouldn't. I'd probably destroy his car, light that **** on fire. Maybe light him on fire. No I wouldn't. Sticking your dick in another chick is really terrible. I mean that takes a little more effort than kissing a girl. You have to undress yourself and stuff. And when you are undressed you're still thinking, yep I wanna do dis, and you do it. It's really, truly disgusting. I hope this never actually happens to me.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I'm not sure, it's one of those things where I'd have to be in the situation to know, and it would obviously depend largely on whether they told me or not and how long afterwards, whether they appeared manipulative about it, how much I cared about them, how long we'd been together etc.



ZM5 said:


> Complete deal breaker. Making out and more I would classify as cheating.
> 
> If you're gonna get into a relationship, and make vows to be faithful and whatnot, then ****ing keep them!
> If you want to just mess around then why get into a relationship in the first place?
> ...


That would bother me more as well


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

As far as the "depends" goes, I would think it depends largely on the relationship. Something ****ty happening over the span of 40 years in an otherwise healthy relationship is very different from getting bored and horny at a party after 2 and wanting to eat your cake, too.


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## Robleye (Sep 26, 2012)

Yes. I'm not gonna stay with someone who stabs me in the back, I don't care how long the relationship went for.


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## Sidhe (Jul 7, 2015)

Cheating would involve kissing or anything more than that for me. It's a deal breaker for me. Just don't see how I'd ever be able to trust someone again if they were to cheat on me.


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## NahMean (May 19, 2014)

To me cheating is cheating. There is no good excuse to it regardless of the situation. If I was in a relationship and found out she cheated (whether physically or emotionally), then her A would be kicked to the curb. If it happened before, then they are bound to do it again. I despise people that can't remain faithful to their SO. I understand that not all relationships work out in the end. But if you don't love your SO anymore then let them know and move on from the relationship. It's not fair to the other person to think they are in an honest to good relationship with someone who isn't loyal.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

If they apologize and it isn't a regular thing I don't think I would make a big deal out of it. I don't date people because they're loyal. I date them because I like them.

It also depends on the person. Some people I would expect more out of. It also depends on what they have to offer to the relationship. With a less valuable partner, it's going to be harder to get away with it.

It also depends why they did it. If they were just a horny mother****er and it was a hot guy, fair enough. It happens. If they cheated because they weren't satisfied with our relationship then I would have to talk about what we can do different and if there is anyway I can give her a satisfying relationship. I understand that I'm not the most desirable guy so I wouldn't blame them for this. But if there was no way for us to both be happy we'd have to break up. Now if she cheated out of spite, then she can suck my balls.

Interesting question. Made me think.


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## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

mooncake said:


> An absolute yes, whether its physical cheating or 'just' emotional cheating, I'd never be able to trust the person again. I don't see how someone could genuinely care for me if they were prepared to cheat, no bull**** excuses accepted.


This! Anything beyond harmless flirting or a friendly hug is considered cheating in my book and isn't tolerated. If you truly love me, you won't cheat on me. Simple as that.


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## Chasingclouds (Jan 7, 2015)

It pretty much is for me, the way that I see it is, is that it's natural to feel attraction to another person, but as soon as you act upon that attraction then you've basically cheated on your significant other. I've had a boyfriend for months now and I've had my doubts about our relationship, but what reminded me that I love him is the fact that he cares about me, is always there for me and gives me unconditional love.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

nomi said:


> Yes, done-zo.
> 
> If my bf had like an emotional affair, I'd be upset and hurt. I would probably just dump him and move on.
> 
> ...


Haha. Good answer.

I'm faithful and expect my future gf to be as well.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Everyone makes mistakes.So happy my ex took me back.Get off your high horses people!! Cheating is not killing! There's much worse things in life! Stop acting like a lack of self control is equal to hating your SO.


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## dj51234 (Dec 31, 2011)

It depends how long you've been with the person. I was with a girl for like a week and we had just made it "official" and found out that she got drunk and kissed a guy. I already knew she was a flirty girl so I wasn't really surprised. But since we JUST got together I didn't really care at the time because there was no emotional investment. I gave her a second chance also because she went out of her way to tell me herself and apologize. We ended up being together with no other issues for 2 years though. People make mistakes sometimes. But I've also been cheated on in a different long relationship and the feeling is like when your heart drops to your stomach, but it stays there....for months. That feeling never goes away for months.

I would never personally cheat though EVER. I've been drunk and been in situations where I could have and I didn't. I would hate to bring that feeling of utter sadness and betrayal upon my girlfriend. It is just a terrible feeling.


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## Aeiou (Feb 11, 2015)

Only if he did it on purpose.


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## HyperGiant (Feb 23, 2015)

I've seen this as a re-occurring theme and it seems the deal is. If you kiss/get kissed, then you are bound by social law to never kiss/get kissed again, - too bad if yer the victim of a Casanova suitor.
On Monday you get a date with Michael/Michelle for Friday, on Wednesday you get a date with Sam/Samantha for Saturday.
Is this a crime if there's only one suitor on the second week?


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## HyperGiant (Feb 23, 2015)

"Sure, I'd love to go out with you Sam, But I've already promised to go out with Mic, so I'll tell you what. If it don't work out, I'll give you a call okay?"
Still think it's a degrading tactic to date sequentially, But yeah, the thread is about deception within within an established relationship. I find it forgivable in the initial days of uncertainty.


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## Depo (Jan 30, 2015)

If there's sexual intercourse, yes. If there isn't, I might give them another chance.But just once. And this comes from someone who has been cheated on at least twice (One involved sexual intercouse.)


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## heybrah (Sep 9, 2015)

Having not been through it on either side and after nearly 10 years of marriage, I would say its definitely NOT a deal breaker. 

First off, it requires two people to make a relationship work. Often times people find themselves stuck in a relationship where there is no passion or the other partner isn't putting in the effort. Sure you can tell them to end the relationship and move on, but seldom is it that simple when it comes to people who are married or have kids. Ending an un-fulfilling marriage can mean financial ruin, breaking your children's hearts, or being written off by other family members. This is why I believe cheating is so prevalent. You often hear about the story of the womanizer that can't settle with one woman and cheats every other week, but I don't think most happen like that. I think how most happen is someone is filling a void in their relationship. I think anyone could make the mistake if put in a situation where 1) ending the relationship would have drastic consequences, 2) there is some void that is making the relationship un-fulfilling, and 3) there is some temptation such as interest from a work crush. 

If I was cheated on, the first thing I would want to do is figure out what were the motivations and can the relationship be repaired. I would be more than willing to repair it if I felt genuine remorse and desire to repair the relationship from my spouse.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I have too much respect for myself to allow someone to disrespect me like that and allow them back in. Trust is broken, game over.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I've never been in a relationship. I would probably break up with someone if they cheated, but I could imagine that if you were in a very long term relationship that you might be hesitant to throw it away over cheating and would be more likely to try to work through it.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

yes, absolute dealbreaker. trust is important to me.


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## Helixa (Feb 1, 2015)

Of course it is.


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