# Dissociation?



## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

Anyone deal with any forms of dissociation, perhaps due to anxiety or even of itself another disorder? I have depersonalization disorder and other similar dissociative feelings that don't quite fit into any particular category that I know of. Feeling like the world is a dream (I know it's real), like I have some kind of odd sinus infection that never goes away, things around me feeling unreal, feeling like I'm underwater or something similar. Feelings of my hands not being attached to my body when I'm typing, for another instance. Like they're on automatic pilot. Or like I'm not even myself and am seeing through the eyes of others or someone else is in control of me.


----------



## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

You might be suffering from derealization more so than depersonalization. I used to suffer very badly from derealization. I used to post at this community (mostly lurked) maybe it would help you to check it out. http://www.dpselfhelp.com/


----------



## PlasticinePorter (Apr 11, 2009)

I had a number of episodes where I dealt with pretty severe depersonalization and derealization. I tend to be a daydreamer and more involved in my mind than in reality. Dissociation has become a part of my daily life. When I'm going through a bad period in my life it becomes very severe and makes me feel like I'm going insane. When things are relatively ok, then its more of a constant but mild background feeling. Its difficult to describe because dissociation exists on a continuum for me, anywhere from a feeling of very slight dreaminess or confusion about my identity, to an almost complete inability to function and feeling of total disconnection. Dissociation is just another aspect of my daily existence that I've learned to accept. I certainly feel for you though because it can be an absolutely terrifying feeling that robs you of any sense of control.


----------



## Aurora (Feb 27, 2009)

I only just found out about this.. and I believe I have had a few episodes of it...
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/life-is-but-a-dream-61825/


----------



## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

dax said:


> You might be suffering from derealization more so than depersonalization. I used to suffer very badly from derealization. I used to post at this community (mostly lurked) maybe it would help you to check it out. http://www.dpselfhelp.com/


Thank you for the link! Actually, I believe I deal with both forms, but it can be confusing.


----------



## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

PlasticinePorter said:


> I had a number of episodes where I dealt with pretty severe depersonalization and derealization. I tend to be a daydreamer and more involved in my mind than in reality. Dissociation has become a part of my daily life. When I'm going through a bad period in my life it becomes very severe and makes me feel like I'm going insane. When things are relatively ok, then its more of a constant but mild background feeling. Its difficult to describe because dissociation exists on a continuum for me, anywhere from a feeling of very slight dreaminess or confusion about my identity, to an almost complete inability to function and feeling of total disconnection. Dissociation is just another aspect of my daily existence that I've learned to accept. I certainly feel for you though because it can be an absolutely terrifying feeling that robs you of any sense of control.


I know exactly what you're talking about as I tend to be the same way. I live more in my head, and its not even a conscious effort on my part. It just happens and dissociation can be mild to severe.


----------



## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

polythene said:


> I can relate, definitely - it was worst for me when my anxiety was very, very bad. It was probably a coping mechanism really, just detaching from the world because it was too much to process. It's tapered off a bit (without the use of meds), but I suspect yours will only get better if your anxiety diminishes a little. What's helped me considerably may well have been learning to drive, though I know this is a very, very poor option for some. At first I was petrified of getting behind the wheel because I feel derealized constantly - as if things aren't completely real - and was terrified I'd be so inobservant I'd get people killed. With a few months of practice though, things have improved and generally it's not quite so bad. I'm not sure if I recommend anxiolytics for this, because they can just make you feel more muddled.
> 
> I'm fairly sure it's a symptom of anxiety, unless you have other disorders.


Wow. You sound like you were how I am now. I get terrified that going out there, trying to drive, etc, the dissociative feelings will make it hard for me not to mess up and hurt someone or myself on accident. Thanks for throwing a bit of hope my way about this though!


----------



## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

Aurora said:


> I only just found out about this.. and I believe I have had a few episodes of it...
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/life-is-but-a-dream-61825/


That definitely sounds like a form of dissociation. Feeling disconnected and all. As if you're living your life in third person. I know this feeling all too well!


----------



## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I've been suffering from similar feelings for a few years now, with them getting progressively worse as time goes on. It's horrible to live with and when I go through a particularly bad episode I feel as though I'm losing my mind. 

Yesterday I was sitting outdoors with someone and I could feel it coming on quite badly, I had to really struggle to try to connect back to a sense of concrete reality. It really wasn't nice at all.


----------



## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I have borderline personality disorder and I dissociate.


----------



## Seven Island Suite (Apr 8, 2009)

i find this happens to me in social situations if i'm feeling anxious and generally threatened. it's like I no longer can understand what anybody is saying. everyone is laughing and having fun and i'm sitting there like a complete retard not knowing what's going on around me. I think this is what provoked so much teasing when I was in highschool.


----------



## Crimson (Apr 22, 2009)

I also suffer from depersonalization. If you don't know what it is, I just posted a rather lengthy description of my experience earlier today over at http://www.dpselfhelp.com Allow me to quote myself:

[quote="Crimson]When my DP ensues a normally dormant part of my consciousness is activated, that functions seperate from the active part. The "active" part of my mind is fully aware of what I'm doing (acting, speaking, writing, walking), but another seperate part of my mind is in the background observing and scrutinizing what the active part is doing. I've heard people say they feel as if they lose control of their actions, but that's not really the case. A part of me is in full control, but it it somehow seems faint and distant. The second consciousness that is activated during DP feels like the "real self", as if the automatic part that controls my actions is somehow not the real me, although it is. It's impossible to imagine what it feels like to someone who hasn't experienced it, but I am sure you guys know what I'm getting at.

.................

For me depersonalization and anxiety always go together in a chicken/egg relationship. I can find myself in a safe (non-anxiety provoking) situation at home and suddenly get a creeping feeling of DP; which leads to anxiety, the symptoms of which increase my self aweareness, which increases the DP, which builds more anxiety and then sends me into a panic attack. I'd call that "freaking myself out for no particular reason".

The other way around, I can be in a pubic situation (work/school/party) caught up in what I'm doing and feel almost no DP at all. Then when someone puts me on the spot, like a stranger comes up to me or the boss asks a question, my social anxiety kicks into high gear and breaks into physical symptoms (sweating/agitation/nausea), then the DP comes along as well and I "zone out" - like I described above; the consciousness splits into two, one part observing the other one that's doing the talking.[/quote]

It's definitely a form of dissociation and it's not very pleasant I can assure you. :|


----------



## southward (Jul 25, 2008)

I suffer from it. When I was younger it was a big part of the reason why I would cut myself. It's such a strange feeling.


----------



## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I dunno, but last night I had such vivid dreams and this one part there was a cat walking around my face and I thought it was real... Even 12hrs later during the day after the dream I was wondering, 'was there really a cat in my room', because my window is open without a fly screen.


----------



## Intothedreaming1 (Jan 21, 2009)

I often feel that I am the only person awake in the entire world. Then my thoughts shift into a place that questions whether there is a world or not. I think of the possibility that I am dreaming myself as actually being awake, or that the world that I see and feel isn't actually there at all; it is a copy of a world, as I feel displaced among it and everything in it. I have a paranoia that everyone is acting in place, playing a role where I am the lead character, watching my movements and reading my thoughts. At other times there is no audience and no one watching, and I am alone.

When I was a little boy I would have a recurring thought that I was a part of something much bigger than myself, and it was put in place for me, perhaps even by me. At a young age I was questioning the possibility of everything being in my head; that I was connected to this reality by means that I cannot see or comprehend. I currently have moments where I expect the world to tear away and reveal some true, hidden meaning that is completely different from what I am used to experiencing. I sometimes get the feeling that it is all a test, that I am being evaluated by something I can't currently understand. And perhaps when I stop existing, the world does as well. There are moments that, when people leave my sight, I question them existing at all. I am afraid that one day I will turn around and nothing will be there. And that feels very real to me, like any moment the face of the world I know will change and present me with a place so unknown and alien to me that I lose my mind, if I haven't done so already.


----------



## EriaTarka (Apr 25, 2009)

Mmmmhmmm. This happens to me all the time. I often feel like I'm not in my body, and sometimes that someone else is seeing through my eyes. I also feel like I'm in a dream a lot, like things aren't real...It's one of the things that leads me to cutting, I really think I need to talk to a doctor more extensively about it.


----------



## gozinsky (Mar 11, 2008)

I think I have this very severely. I don't feel connected to myself or reality at all most of the time. I'm not functional. It's like I've gone completely up into some other world. It is frightening.


----------



## SoloSage (Feb 26, 2009)

Yup — ever since my social-anxiety got worse, so did my depersonalization. There's a poll on dpselfhelp.com in which members were asked if they suffered from social-anxiety. There were 18 votes for 'yes' and 1 for 'no'. At least in my life, I know my Depersonalization is closely tied with my social-anxiety.


----------



## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I used to feel brief periods of depersonalization and derealization in the hallway at school a lot where there were crowds of people.


----------



## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

yes, i have it too...
is there a cure for this?


----------



## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

I have some minor depersonalization/derealization issues. According to my doctor, it is a result of anxiety and not the other way around. So if you can lessen the anxiety you can lessen the depersonalization (I think)


----------



## SoloSage (Feb 26, 2009)

kev said:


> I have some minor depersonalization/derealization issues. According to my doctor, it is a result of anxiety and not the other way around. So if you can lessen the anxiety you can lessen the depersonalization (I think)


True. I've noticed when I do calm down or get rid of my anxiety - which happens about once a month if I'm lucky - depersonalization seems to just 'disappear' at the same time. And once I realize that the depersonalization is gone, I get extremely aware of it, and the anxiety comes back. In my case, the depersonalization is definitely anxiety related - no doubt.


----------



## neither nor (Apr 6, 2009)

My short answer? Yes. I relate to much of this thread.

I refer to what I experience as "Solipsism Syndrome". Films like The Matrix and The Truman Show probably started the fear, and my first reading of Descartes cemented the feelings with icy logic. Studying philosophy and smoking weed didn't help. I can't tell whether watching Waking Life helped or not, lol.

Intimacy and Solitude by Stephanie Dowrick helped me the most thus far. Buddhism and Taoism are also helpful. Meditation. Realizing that even if it's all a dream to _enjoy every conscious moment_.

I like to think of my life in terms of Simulation Theory being real. I'm experiencing what I'm experiencing right now for a reason - perhaps in the distant future we're so bored with our lives that we decide to live our lives in different situations and time periods in order to experience the vastness of human experience. Or any other reason, really. Maybe this is what people mean when they're talking about "soul ages" and "reincarnation". If this seems like make-believe.. well.. it more or less _is_. But so is everything else.



> "Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied." - Slartibartfast (Douglas Adams)


Let your reality/philosophy be your own work of art. I don't know what's going on and I doubt anyone else really does either. So row your boat gently and stop to smell the roses.

I'm going to go check out that depersonalization support forum. Thanks!


----------



## stumbleine88 (Apr 29, 2009)

That's really interesting insight 'neither nor'.. I often have similar feelings, but I don't think as intense.. I often feel as if someone else is viewing the world through my body, or like I am the main character in some movie and someone is closely scrutinizing my every move. I've always been prone to daydreaming and am often described as 'having my head in the clouds', but recently it's gotten much worse. In social settings I have been 'spacing out' more and more, to the point where my friends have expressed concern.. they're like what's wrong with you!! they've been extremely insulted, because they will be 'pouring their hearts out' and well into the conversation I'll be like, "wait, what??" It's not due to a lack of interest on my part, often times I'm actually trying very hard to be attentive but fail profusely. When I'm overwhelmed with my surroundings in social situations, it's soothing to "zone-out", or dissociate, and just be inside my head for awhile. It's frustrating and further feeds my SA because I feel stupid for not knowing what's going on in the conversation. 
Often times at work I'm so focused on how I'm going to be perceived and making sure my responses are cohesive and intelligent, I'm barely listening to instructions and then am embaressed that I don't recall how to perform a task. After a particularly "deep" dissociation, I have this bizarre feeling that's rather difficult to describe.. but it's basically my snapping back to reality, or the realization that I am alive and present in my current surroundings, and it takes a few seconds to "convince" myself that I am actually where I am.. I recall getting this feeling even more frequently as a child.. I definately think my spaciness is SA-related and not a sign of ADD because when I'm alone and need to focus to study for class, I rarely have issues.


----------



## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I don't sometimes feel unreal, I sometimes feel real. It totally sucks.


----------



## shychick2 (Oct 20, 2008)

I tune out when people are talking and get tied up in my own thoughts. In presentations I think about what I'm doing and suddenly wonder if I'm really awake and really there. I do worry when driving I'll zone out and lose concentration but not done anything stupid in 2.5 years from losing concentration.


----------



## nicole1234 (Jul 16, 2008)

wow...i just read everyone description of this feeling....theres a name for it, good, im not really losing it. lol....well for me it can come out of no where especially if im really stressed out or depressed and i feel like im losing control, become almost paralyzed, my head feels fuzzy and like a buzzing sound or something and my hands go heavy and numb, dizziness, which provokes or is provoked by a panic attack, then i think "this is it, im losing it for real this time i am going to become a vegetable and will be put into an institution"...then i fear i may be so out of it that i do something terrible like hurt someone and not even know!!...then i just obsessively pray and pray for a while until it passes.

those are the major episodes, otherwise, i can feel at one time or a few during the day that my eyes are not focusing naturally on things or im seeing life on a movie screen??


----------



## SoloSage (Feb 26, 2009)

nicole1234 said:


> those are the major episodes, otherwise, i can feel at one time or a few during the day that my eyes are not focusing naturally on things or im seeing life on a movie screen??


In the beginning, when I started developing depersonalization or dissociation, I also used to have sessions of focusing on 'nothing' - kinda like you're just floating, not connected to anything. Too bad at this point of my life I didn't know about depersonalization, so I was freaking the hell out. It's a good sign that you're only getting it in episodes. But it's nothing to really worry about - it's just your body's response to anxiety.


----------



## euphoria (Jan 21, 2009)

neither nor said:


> Let your reality/philosophy be your own work of art. I don't know what's going on and I doubt anyone else really does either. So row your boat gently and stop to smell the roses.


As someone interested in philosophy and the nature of consciousness, you may find the work of Leary interesting (if you haven't already seen it):

http://deoxy.org/8circuit.htm

A lot of it sounds crazy at first, but there is a lot of science in there and I haven't yet found a better model for explaining our conscious experience. Plus, everything said fits with my own experiences of various states of mind.


----------



## neither nor (Apr 6, 2009)

euphoria said:


> As someone interested in philosophy and the nature of consciousness, you may find the work of Leary interesting (if you haven't already seen it):
> 
> http://deoxy.org/8circuit.htm
> 
> A lot of it sounds crazy at first, but there is a lot of science in there and I haven't yet found a better model for explaining our conscious experience. Plus, everything said fits with my own experiences of various states of mind.


Thanks. I know Leary would be an interesting path to check out some day, but right now I'm just starting to get better and am trying to stop throwing wrenches into that machine.

Consciousness Explained by Daniel Dennett was my favorite read on the subject thus far. Although fairly dated and not entirely satisfying (what _could _be? Do I want to be satisfied with the last great mystery?) it was pretty fun to realize just how unreliable sensory experience can be.

But all that adds to my feeling of unreality so I've had to drop it. When I'm old and retired, or dying of something, I'll approach all my scary subjects again.


----------



## SoloSage (Feb 26, 2009)

neither nor said:


> Consciousness Explained by Daniel Dennett was my favorite read on the subject thus far. Although fairly dated and not entirely satisfying (what _could _be? Do I want to be satisfied with the last great mystery?) it was pretty fun to realize just how unreliable sensory experience can be.
> 
> But all that adds to my feeling of unreality so I've had to drop it. When I'm old and retired, or dying of something, I'll approach all my scary subjects again.


I know what you mean. When I first started exploring in the area of consciousness, I came across papers by David Chalmers on Qualia. At that point I thought I had consciousness sorted out, until of course, I read papers by Dennett. For me, it is not so much that I 'want' a dualistic world - it's more of an issue of not knowing the answer. If Dennett put up an irrefutable model on consciousness, I would be more than satisfied. My own problem is not being 100% sure of the theory I believe in. If there is a possibility that my belief could possibly be wrong, it is a source of tremendous anxiety. Put simply, I'd rather have the cold, hard facts than no facts at all. I also went through a stage of solipsism-syndrome, but it passed within a few months - creating my own thought experiments and reading papers on it kind of killed my obsession around it. I think it is plausible, but there are so many other, more probable (in my opinion) theories out there on the nature of 'reality'. I am particularly interested in John Searle's ideas on consciousness at the moment. Anyway, I'm still waiting for an irrefutable explanation of consciousness (if that ever arrives in my lifetime).


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I have felt like I was looking at my body from an angle and once saw from a reflection of a television two sides of a personality.


----------

