# Therapy gets worse before it gets better



## Social_butterfly00 (Jan 28, 2008)

I'm a big advocate of therapy and I finally found a therapist who I like and who holds me accountable. Thing is, she's brought up some labels that I have internalized. She told me not to get so caught up on the labels, but now I've started living up these labels because I'm thinking, "Screw it, I'm already a __________, so I myswell act like an ________ would act".

For example, she said I have a problem with alcohol because when I do drink, I binge drink. I know it's an issue. But I don't drink that often, and I notice a lot of my friends drink the same (even though it doesn't make it okay). So now I've labelled myself as an alcoholic and have actually started drinking more since she brought it up. I also have an eating disorder, which I always knew, but I'm going into an eating disorder clinic in a few months, so just being labelled as having a "disorder" is hard for me to take, even though I always knew I've had one. I also was touched one time as a child inappropriately by a close friend of the family.

When I told her (first time I told anyone), she gave me all these pamphlets entitled "Help for victims of sexual abuse". So now I'm a VICTIM of sexual ABUSE. I know these are just words, and yes, I guess I was a victim of sexual abuse. But identifying myself as a victim of abuse is something I never thought I was. Now I walk around feeling like damaged goods. It's also come to light that I was a drug addict in the past, although I hate thinking that I was an addict. Also, my dad was barely in my life and he died recently. So now I feel like some sort of orphan even though we were never close. Oh yeah, and I also have social anxiety and depression.

I just feel like this is more labels than I can count for. I don't know how to behave or react. I've stereotyped myself and have become progressively worse.. by drinking more and abusing prescription drugs and engaging in promiscuous behaviour, and my self-esteem has plummeted. The therapy is helpful, but it makes me realize how messed up I truly I am. I'm an alcoholic, drug addict, victim of sexual abuse, whose own father orphaned her, who is also depressed and has social anxiety and general anxiety and has an eating disorder.

Yet everyone around me thinks I have the perfect life because I'm always polite and excel in school. I feel like I'm being a phoney. I just want to tell every person, that this is who I am, these are my labels, now what do you think about me? It's like everyday I put on a face to hide these labels, yet deep in my soul I'm tortured by hiding these labels. Oh, I also tried to commit suicide last year by slitting my wrists. What would everyone think about that? Now I'm also a suicidal emo. Who the **** am I? That's the big question. Am I really defined by these labels? Am I being my worst own enemy by internalizing these labels so much that I'm becoming more of these labels than I once was?

What do I do? What am I to think about any of this? I have therapy tonight. I'm going to tell my therapist about these feelings, but at the same time I can't blame her for using common terms for the things I have done and been a victim of. I hate the word victim. I'm a survivor.


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## arth67 (Aug 6, 2009)

sounds like normal teenage problems but I dont know your age

dont take yourself or the world so seriously


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

A lot of people don't like the word victim. And you say you are a survivor--there's a positive word I'm sure your therapist would also label you as. That's it--get some positive labels in there too!

My ex-therapist was very uncomfortable calling me a victim because she thought it meant I would stay in the hole I was in. But in my case, i needed to be acknowledged as a victim (of various & numerous traumas) so that I didn't have to feel guilty and take the blame for what happened to me for the rest of my life. (I even blamed myself for my mother dying when I was little) So sometimes it is a good thing to realize you are a victim of someone else's abuse or just outer circumstances that have nothing to do with us (like a parent dying).

I think a hard part about accepting the label of victim is that it implies that we are not in control all the time. And to people who have had traumas, we like to think we can control things so that we can avoid future traumas. That's why victims blame themselves sometimes--if I did something to cause what happened to me, then it logically follows that I can also do something from now on to make sure it doesn't happen again. It is a sense of control that gives a feeling of somewhat being safe.

I hope your therapist can help you see the positive things about yourself so you can stop identifying with only negative labels! For one thing you sound like a very strong person to have gone through all you have... and you are still surviving!


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I feel like this should be a poem. I think it's really relatable.

It sounds to me like you're very concerned that there are a lot of label analyzers out there just waiting around the corner for you so they can jump up and analyze these labels. In some sense the label analyzer is residing in the back of your own mind. You might see it manifest in people around you, maybe they'll make you feel like something your not by saying something about these labels surrounding your head. 

It's the same with the labels though. They're just burrowed somewhere in your head. You look at your experiences in life and then suddenly you see those labels manifested. 

Essentially you are using these terms as metaphors for yourself. But you shouldn't. Because you are not the same thing as a victim. You are not the same thing as an addict. You're not the same thing as an orphan. Really you feel you have likenesses to these things, but there is no way you could actually fill out the definitions of these things. and there is no way these things could fill out the definition of you. 

Your problem is you consider these labels roles to fulfill. But they are not. they are merely metaphors. They are literary devices to help people understand your life story. Because they have definitions people can grasp. A person's life cannot be grasped without breaking the story down into smaller parts that compare events with compartmentalized terms. But those terms don't even get a full sense of the higher abstract situation that really makes your life up, and that makes you who you are. They can't even touch what you are. You know? It's just the only way we know to at least try to grasp it. 

But they are not roles. These words are less than a pale comparison to yourself. They are insignificant in the light of a whole person. It's a pity we need them at all. So don't let them distract you from the deeper reality.


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## CJGray (Nov 16, 2009)

It's kind of a double edged sword.

On the one hand, labels are useful for identification purposes.

On the other they can be self fulfilling prophesies if you identify with them too deeply.

The great thing is that you are aware of the danger of labelling and so you will never be as identified with it as someone else.

Try and catch yourself when you use the term "I am ..." and replace it with "I am an ex..."

At first it will seem like lying to yourself. Over time, it will become more and more acceptable to your subconscious mind that you are indeed an "ex..."

Once your subconscious mind has gotten the message the issue disintegrates and is replaced by a more healthy way of being.


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