# I made an idiot out of myself



## Everyone1110 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hello, 

I decided to post here, because I feel like I've made a huge idiot out of myself today and can't stop thinking about it. 

So the thing is, that I have just recently started new studies. I don't know anyone here and I am aware, that these studies are way harder than what I used to study before and everyone knows more than I do, so I try really hard to keep a low profile and on some subjects I'm scared, that someone might ask me something and I won't know the answer. Math is one of them, it has always been difficult and stressful for me.

Today we had a math class. It was actually the second time, but I was not present the first time, because I checked the hour wrong... Anyway, I didn't think too much about it, because on my Uni the first class is usually just organisation, we don't learn anything. 
So I came to the class, sat down and waited for the teacher to start. He began with attendance, I thought he was reading it from our online list of all people that should go to this class. He read out all the names except for mine and asked 'Is that all?'. I panicked a little, because I thought that it might be something wrong with the online system, and because I am afraid of being the only person with the problem I decided to stay quiet and sort it out after class. But then he pulled out a sheet and asked if everyone has it - ofcourse I didn't have it, so I said that. And he said 'I did the attendance, why didn't you say anything? Obviously you must have not been present on our first class." I came up to him, took the sheet and told him my name to write down, but he just wouldn't let go and kept asking why I didn't say anyting. I was terrified, everyone was looking at me, so I just said, that I don't know. 
Then he asked if I know the rules. So I said yes, because I knew that he wanted for us to be active during the class and I knew how the subject was going to be graded, and I have a general idea of how math classes work. 
But it turned out, that they had homework (write down a few questions, nothing hard) and ofcourse I didn't have it. He knew that I wouldn't, so after he asked me about the rules he asked about the homework and said "I'm sure everyone has it, except for Ms Smith, who said she knew the rules anyway. How old are you? Didn't you think about asking yous colleagues about the class? Is it your first time studying?". I felt really dumb... I just said "I misunderstood you, I thaught you were asking about grading rules. You are right, It's my mistake and it wont happen again". I was so stressed that I don't even remember if he said anything else. 

I feel so bad now, and I have to come back there tomorrow and see all those people. In the back of my head I know that I am probably making a bigger deal of it that it is, but I'm just sitting in my room thinking about this situation, unable to do anything else. 
Also I think I wasn't like this in the past. Back in the day I would ask someone about the class, tell the teacher I was not on the list. But I've been in a really unhealthy relationship for 4 years and I think it changed me more than I would like to admit and it just makes me even more sad. I know that I'll come back there and be even more afraid of everyone around me, and it's probably going to lead to some more embarassement for me. I want to break this circle and be my old self again, I just don't know how.


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## RickandMorty100years (Oct 6, 2017)

I don't think you were being an idiot, your teacher sounds like a douche. He probably should have sorted that out with you after class instead of making a scene in the middle of class. Don't worry everyone will forget about it and move on


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## Kandice (Jan 26, 2017)

He doesn't have any patience, so something like this would have happened to anyone. I know its embarrassing and all, considering that the whole class was witnessing this happening. I think your classmates would be more concerned about your professor than you because he has basically instilled fear in the classroom. You were the guinea pig and now your classmates might be afraid that they might be next. Something that I have learned is that most people have problems speaking up especially if they feel like they're singled out or called upon. 
This probably won't make you feel any better but this probably won't be the last time it will happen. It might happen to you again or something else. Regardless, study hard and keep going, so you can get your reward later. Keep on surviving, sister.

You mentioned this class might be tough for you. I know he made a very bad impression on you and in return he will probably remember you. Don't be afraid to ask for help from him, if you need it. That would put all the coins in your favor because it will show how brave you are, plus you will start making a good impression on him as well.


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## taylanicole (Jul 24, 2016)

That sounds awful, I'm sorry. I know if I was in your shoes I probably would have done the exact same thing and kept quiet during attendance because I hate drawing attention to myself. However, the other people in your class are unlikely to dwell on this event. They likely have other things to think about, like assignments, etc. I know it must seem terrifying thinking about going back to that class after what happened to you though, which is understandable.


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## InaAya (Oct 17, 2017)

Hey, sorry to hear about what happened in your math class :/ I can totally understand where you're coming from with feeling embarrassed and what not about the situation. However, it sounds to me like your professor was not really being fair with you and should have spoken with you after class. Putting you on the spot like that was not only a waste of time for him but a waste of time for you too. And not only that but it puts you as the student in a really uncomfortable position. 

I think it was natural for you to assume that he might have been reading from the online list since I'm in college as well and that's how most of my professors take attendance. Your worry about being the only person with the problem is also natural so I can understand why you would keep quiet in such an awkward situation. Perhaps next time you encounter a situation like that, it might be best to speak up regardless of how uncomfortable it is since you can avoid a similar issue happening in the future. I really hate having to speak up as well, but, the more you do it, the easier it will be to do so  

Anyway, the way your professor handled the situation though was rather rude and could have been handled much, much better. It sounds like he was really condescending towards you for something that wasn't even that big of a deal. I know you feel really embarrassed about what happened, but, chances are some students in the class might have also thought your professor was being condescending and such. Thankfully, this is the kind of situation that people will most likely forget about over the next few weeks.  I'm certain that there were people in your class who thought your professor was being unfair with you despite the fact that you may have missed the first homework assignment. 

Also, I'm sorry to hear about the fact you've been in a bad relationship for years :/ I can understand why that bad experience would negatively affect you, but it's nothing to be ashamed about and healing takes time. Even if you feel like you've changed for the worst, you're still that strong person and your anxieties do not define you.


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