# Missed out on Life?



## baxman

being a 30 something when i reflect on my past i cringe.i have wasted a lot of my life due to this disorders(s).i know its not a good thing to do but when i look back i have basically missed out on life.i have had a few experiences but not much.its quite hard to deal with because i continue to waste time due to this.

anyone else feel like they have wasted their lives away?


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## shyshisho

Yep.


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## Inspiron

Yeah I do feel like it sometimes but it's all about acceptance and doing the best you could or can. I wasted my youth worrying about what others thought of me when I should have focused on college and getting a career which is what I'm trying to do right now. Life is too short to be wasted on worrying.


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## pantazi

Yes

I have wasted my life

And the cause is my issues and the people who caused them

Not good to dwell on, but if you've got nowt else?


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## theseventhkey

baxman said:


> being a 30 something when i reflect on my past i cringe.i have wasted a lot of my life due to this disorders(s).i know its not a good thing to do but when i look back i have basically missed out on life.i have had a few experiences but not much.its quite hard to deal with because i continue to waste time due to this.
> 
> anyone else feel like they have wasted their lives away?


I f^%$ed up my late teens, it still bothers me to this day, if I had made a few tweaks here and there, I would have been all right.


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## SnowFlakesFire

Yes. I wanted a family. Never got it :cry My last ticking years are going and I am still studying, lol........ I am a good life **** upper


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## fern

Yes.


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## awkwardsilent

Day dream after day dream about what might have been if I'd made different choices but there is still lots of life to live! I have to hold onto that belief.


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## tk123

You're not alone dude, of all the things I regret the most is being avoidant. I know lots of people who are anxious or depressed yet they experienced a lot in life. Not everyone who is depressed or anxious is avoidant. That's the worst thing one can be. But 30 is still young, if you snap out of it and start doing things you can make up for it within a year. Try making a list, on it write down all the things you feel you missed out on. Then do them one by one. Go sky diving, travel through Europe, make a bunch of friends, etc. etc. etc. Speaking of which that's what I should do...


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## nemesis1

Yes. I try not to think about all the things I've missed out on because it just makes me super depressed if I do.


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## lonesomeboy

I get so depressed thinking about my teens and 20s and how I basically wasted the best years of my life away. Oh well too late now I guess


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## CeilingStarer

Yeah, basically. It torments me daily.


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## Rocketman1973

Yes, I've wasted it completely! Ever since dropping out of high school in grade 11. Then, being arrested when I was 18 for "borrowing" something out of a department store. I was going to return it... I promise  Those 2 mistakes were the start of a wasted life. It limited my chances for a real career and also traveling to the United States. 

Even now, trying to get a "simple" job, is very hard. 

Not just that, but every decision I've made in my life has been wrong. I've burned down so many bridges and can never go back. 

I wish that there was a "reset" button in life. I'd do everything differently! EVERYTHING!


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## tk123

Rocketman1973 said:


> Yes, I've wasted it completely! Ever since dropping out of high school in grade 11. Then, being arrested when I was 18 for "borrowing" something out of a department store. I was going to return it... I promise  Those 2 mistakes were the start of a wasted life. It limited my chances for a real career and also traveling to the United States.
> 
> Even now, trying to get a "simple" job, is very hard.
> 
> Not just that, but every decision I've made in my life has been wrong. I've burned down so many bridges and can never go back.
> 
> I wish that there was a "reset" button in life. I'd do everything differently! EVERYTHING!


I dropped out of HS too but later got a GED and an Associates Degree. I don't have any problems finding jobs so I don't think dropping out should hold anyone back. Also how does a petty crime like shop lifting prevent you from traveling to the united states? That's not a felony in Canada is it?


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## twigz

SnowFlakesFire said:


> Yes. I wanted a family. Never got it :cry My last ticking years are going and I am still studying, lol........ I am a good life **** upper


So how old are you if you dont mind me asking?


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## Rocketman1973

tk123 said:


> Also how does a petty crime like shop lifting prevent you from traveling to the united states? That's not a felony in Canada is it?


Even something small like shop lifting, is still considered a criminal offence. The US were never that strict in the past, but once the 9/11 event took place, they are extremely cautious and check everybody.

The only way the US will allow a Canadian with a criminal offense across the border is if the person has applied and been approved for a US waiver. This is around $500 and takes months to get approved and I don't think it even lasts forever. It has to be renewed. Plus, in order to be approved for a US waiver, the Canadian has to get a Canadian pardon for that offence. That is another $500 and takes months to be approved.

To me, it's just a bunch of BS for the government to make money.


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## baxman

tk123-the problem is, once u hit your 30s it gets to be very hard to make new friends, quality friends, not just acquaintances.everyone or almost everypone is established with family and their social circle.

its not only facing the fact we wasted our lives but its pretty tough being around people and they are talking about all of their life experiences and i have very little.i know kids in their early 20s that have done more than i will ever do.


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## SnowFlakesFire

twigz said:


> So how old are you if you dont mind me asking?


35


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## Biggles

baxman said:


> tk123-the problem is, once u hit your 30s it gets to be very hard to make new friends, quality friends, not just acquaintances.everyone or almost everypone is established with family and their social circle.
> 
> its not only facing the fact we wasted our lives but its pretty tough being around people and they are talking about all of their life experiences and i have very little.i know kids in their early 20s that have done more than i will ever do.


Maybe try not to compare, because we choose comparisons where we don't feel we match up. The judgment we then make from that "confirms" that we missed out and reinforces our bad feelings about ourselves.


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## baxman

^^its impossible not to compare or feel different at best.your peers are describing all of these life experiences and you have none basically.you go away thinking wtf.


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## twigz

SnowFlakesFire said:


> 35


Thats not old, you still got time.


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## Biggles

baxman said:


> ^^its impossible not to compare or feel different at best.your peers are describing all of these life experiences and you have none basically.you go away thinking wtf.


Sorry. I guess I have forgotten how hard it was for me in the past.


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## Icantbethatbad

Life only starts when you overcome certain problems in your life that hold you back, then things start to go your way  ,and then the momentum kicks in and you can start pursuing things, fortunatly it hasn't happened for me yet :no. still hopefull sigh......


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## Gingernut

Yep. Completely!! I spent my 20's in the grip of depression which I treated by quitting college, drinking way too much and partying. I got myself out of it by changing my lifestyle, diet, even location and career path, but I didn't pull my finger out until I was 31/32. Now, everyone I used to know is married/getting married, homeowners, have cars and kids. And me? I'm about to turn 35 years old and I have none of these things. I haven't had a boyfriend since my mid 20's (before the depression got really bad), I can't drive, still rent, have no friends and spend every evening/weekend alone. 

I do feel more confident about myself and my abilities than I did 10 years ago and I am a stubborn cow, so refuse to go back to my old ways. But, hell it is hard! I managed to land a decent job 3 months ago - first decent one ever! But I just wish I could turn back time 10 years.

I never in a million years thought I'd be making meals for one on a Friday night!


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## Gingernut

Icantbethatbad said:


> Life only starts when you overcome certain problems in your life that hold you back, then things start to go your way  ,and then the momentum kicks in and you can start pursuing things, fortunatly it hasn't happened for me yet :no. still hopefull sigh......


I couldn't agree more! I suffer from crippling loneliness, but I just say to myself 'think positive and positive things will happen. Think negatively, and negative things will happen'

It's taking a long time for me too....but I have to believe in that.


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## Scrumpilump2000

Yep. Wasted years. Directionless, meandering, alcoholic, utterly regrettable years. It couldn't have happened any other way, though. I remain, ultimately, philosophical and try to count my blessings. But it's hard sometimes.


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## cloister2

Yes, I missed out on everything. I guess I've come to accept I'm a coward. My entire social and professional life never existed.


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## ravens

I've missed out on a lot. I mean when you've never kissed any girl or had sex isn't that the definition of missing out. It's also the definition of being a ****ing loser.


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## Tribando

yeah missed out.... i'm on the outside looking in at everyone flowing through life.


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## SusanStorm

I can relate because I keep looking back regretting everything I did wrong.
What I regret the most is not getting help when I was younger.I didn't start theraphy before I was 25 years old and it just now that things seems to be a bit easier.I just basically wasted most of my 20's.

Then again there's nothing I can do about it,but it's so hard to not think about the what ifs.

I really hope that my 30's are going to be better than my 20's.All I want is to have life where anxiety and depression isn't making all my decisions,and do stuff that I want to do without letting fear get in the way.


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## howard26

It's really bad when someone says "i thought you'd be ______". It's a mental struggle to pay bills and survive, i don't need someone kicking me when i'm down.


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## AngelClare

I was at a club the other day. I'm still to self conscious to dance but I watched everyone else dancing and letting loose. I kept thinking that this is what I should have been doing in my 20's. These kids go to parties every week and go out to clubs at least once a week. They have such active social lives. They're free to laugh, dance and enjoy life. I'm just starting to break free. So much time wasted.


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## ravens

AngelClare said:


> I was at a club the other day. I'm still to self conscious to dance but I watched everyone else dancing and letting loose. I kept thinking that this is what I should have been doing in my 20's. These kids go to parties every week and go out to clubs at least once a week. They have such active social lives. They're free to laugh, dance and enjoy life. I'm just starting to break free. So much time wasted.


I've been thinking that way. I should have been out going to parties instead of staying home and doing nothing. I feel like I've wasted my life. Now my life is nothing and it will never change.


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## NoMoreSAD2013

But you can totally do more with the rest of your life! But feeling a little pain is always gonna be apart of the process. ive learned that swimming water can be cold forever,or just cold for a few moments. The longer you stay in the water the more you get used to the water. Although the water will always be cold,the extent to its coldness will be lessened!


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## Nick9075

AngelClare said:


> I was at a club the other day. I'm still to self conscious to dance but I watched everyone else dancing and letting loose. I kept thinking that this is what I should have been doing in my 20's. These kids go to parties every week and go out to clubs at least once a week. They have such active social lives. They're free to laugh, dance and enjoy life. I'm just starting to break free. So much time wasted.


I agree especially in NYC where there is so much to do but not if you don't have friends or anyone to hang out with.

I am in my mid 30's and live outside of Boston. I come to NYC at least once a month due to business and that I still have family in the area.

Sometimes, I wonder what I missed out on at these trendy clubs, bars & restaurants that are so popular. 
Many of these kids however are children of the top 1% or 2% of Americans so I don't they would even associate with me.


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## Nick9075

tk123 said:


> I dropped out of HS too but later got a GED and an Associates Degree. I don't have any problems finding jobs so I don't think dropping out should hold anyone back. Also how does a petty crime like shop lifting prevent you from traveling to the united states? That's not a felony in Canada is it?


Its very easy to find a job when you are in your early 20's. When you are in your 30's or later and don't have the linear corporate career history or have any of the proverbial 'red flags' in your employment history -- not so much. I missed out on life during that period due to likely untreated depression & ADHD. Adderall is the only medication that makes me semi functional & productive in the workplace.

I have a BA degree in Accounting & MS in Finance and the only W2 employment I can find is the very occasional temp job. My credit is also horrible due to chargedoff/un paid credit cards and I haven't even filed my taxes for 2011 yet which also disqualifies me for many positions because most organizations do check credit and will eliminate you if you have too much unpaid debt .


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## Biggles

ravens said:


> I've been thinking that way. I should have been out going to parties instead of staying home and doing nothing. I feel like I've wasted my life. Now my life is nothing and it will never change.


I know how you feel - I used to beat myself up for all that but it never got me anywhere. I don't mean to be brutal, but you can't change the past, and you don't know what the future holds. All we have is the present moment. If we can find things to enjoy & appreciate in the moment life improves. May sound hokey (especially for those at a real low point) but it is the single most important change I have made in my thinking after 35+ years with SA. I have to work at it constantly, but then I used to work constantly at beating myself up for stuff I couldn't do and then later for not having done it and then again thinking I'll never do it in the future either.

I think I'm gonna stick with being in the moment as much as I can :time. It's much less painful.


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## ravens

Biggles said:


> I know how you feel - I used to beat myself up for all that but it never got me anywhere. I don't mean to be brutal, but you can't change the past, and you don't know what the future holds. All we have is the present moment. If we can find things to enjoy & appreciate in the moment life improves. May sound hokey (especially for those at a real low point) but it is the single most important change I have made in my thinking after 35+ years with SA. I have to work at it constantly, but then I used to work constantly at beating myself up for stuff I couldn't do and then later for not having done it and then again thinking I'll never do it in the future either.
> 
> I think I'm gonna stick with being in the moment as much as I can :time. It's much less painful.


I just don't have any things that I enjoy anymore. I did have things I enjoyed doing but I just don't care anymore. It's tough not looking back and wishing things could've been different. I don't see things changing in the future.


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## disorderly

At 54 years old, divorced, kids grown, alone I feel like I wasted so much time worrying and dreaming of what I really wanted. Is it to late in life to change and have a life. How?


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## Insider

I am only 21 and I feel like I've missed out on life. Hopefully it's not too late to change things.


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## eclips255

I have missed out on many experiences because of my SA. I have certainly not accomplished the things that other individuals my age have accomplished in their life. Before I was diagnosed, I knew something was definitely wrong with me, but I did not know what. I did not know why I did not have many friends, could not engage in social situations, and could not do the "normal" things others did. When I was diagnosed, it was a huge relief. There was a name for what I had. I then knew why I acted the way I did. It was not me, it was the disorder that was making me act this way. I have accepted the disorder. And this has helped me to realize that there are certain things that I will never be able to do like attend a party (my therapist once told me, there are things that you will never be able to do with your SA, but focus on the things that you are able to do) but I am proud of my accomplishments so far. They may be insignficant and no big deal to those without SA, but to me, they are a huge deal. For example, the other day, I finally overcame my fear of attending a work function. This may be so insignificant to others without SA. But to me, it was a huge accomplishment, and I was pretty proud of myself. I will always be behind in life when compared to those without SA, and will never accomplish all the things they have in their life. But I am proud of the things I have accomplished so far. I obtained my master's degree in counseling, although it was very difficult for me to attend classes. Every day, I am able to accomplish a little more, even if it something as insignificant as going out to lunch at a crowded restaurant.


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## awkwardsilent

For those asking it is never too late to enjoy life. Yes you might not get the stereotypical experiences in the stereotypical order. I've never dated, but I have friends, I go out, I enjoy my life. I didn't start doing any of the "normal" social things until I was in my late 20's so no its not too late. Sometimes I get caught in that trap what if it is over, and I never find love. Well there is too much in life that I can do even if I NEVER have a boyfriend. I can travel, I can buy the things I want if I don't have a family to support. I might not have the life I dreamed of but it can still be a good life, maybe even a GREAT life. 

I try and remind myself when I am about to say no to something 5 years from now will I regret doing this? Or will I regret not doing it. Because I feel that way about my 20's I will not regret my 30's!


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## Biggles

disorderly said:


> At 54 years old, divorced, kids grown, alone I feel like I wasted so much time worrying and dreaming of what I really wanted. Is it to late in life to change and have a life. How?


I believe if you're alive it's not too late to change.


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## loumon

ravens said:


> I've been thinking that way. I should have been out going to parties instead of staying home and doing nothing. I feel like I've wasted my life. Now my life is nothing and it will never change.


What if in ten years you are saying the same thing as to how you wasted your 40's away. It only ends when we are put in the grave. This is what I've been telling myself in order to become more social, I just hate the thought of one day being on my death bed and realizing that I didn't do the things that I wanted to.


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## Nick9075

I have given up. For some reason I must give off an uncomfortable vibe and I have no male friends. I think many are afraid to be seen associating with me because they assume I am gay. Homophobia is still huge especially in the suburbs of many metro areas.

Many it is also the constant air of tension and hostility I always feel that is directed toward me even at places like the gym where i go regularly


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## hypestyle

when I finish school, my intention is to turn things around. I am actively looking for internships, fellowships, job positions out of town, and I hope that I will get one so that I can relocate, start fresh- a change of venue will help, it won't be a cure-all, but it can help me take further steps. I can then say that I finished school and I'm in a career that I really want to do, going on my own agenda and not what someone else says their vision of me is..


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## loumon

Nick9075 said:


> I have given up. For some reason I must give off an uncomfortable vibe and I have no male friends. I think many are afraid to be seen associating with me because they assume I am gay. Homophobia is still huge especially in the suburbs of many metro areas.
> 
> Many it is also the constant air of tension and hostility I always feel that is directed toward me even at places like the gym where i go regularly


It is sad how society is so judgemental to the extreme, it puts us folks with SA in a needless trap. It amazes me how some people are so loving to their pets but not give a darn about a fellow human being.
If you give up though - that is your choice and not the choice of others.


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## NoMoreSAD2013

loumon said:


> It is sad how society is so judgemental to the extreme, it puts us folks with SA in a needless trap. It amazes me how some people are so loving to their pets but not give a darn about a fellow human being.
> If you give up though - that is your choice and not the choice of others.


But if you think about it most people aren't judgmental. That exists only within the mind. Even if they do,let them.It doesnt matter.Not so as you know yourself,no one else matters


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## Biggles

*Feeling of being judged*

Feeling of being judged is at the core of SA. But it is our feeling, therefore we can do things to reduce it. I don't say it's easy or quick to change, but it can be weakened over time. I feel I need to share some things that have become much clearer to me lately.

I think one of the keys to reducing our SA is every time we feel we are being judged is to rationally examine it.
> Are we really being judged by that person, or are we _*judging ourselves*_ and assuming they must be thinking XXXXX about us?
> If it is clear they are judging us, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter that QQQQQ thinks we're XXXXX? Does that make us XXXXX? No.
> Even if someone is saying we're XXXXX and we _are _XXXXX, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter? Only if we judge being XXXXX as awful, wrong, embarrassing, unbearable etc. And that is _*our judgement*_ and we can change that. It won't happen overnight, but we can reduce that judgement over time - BECAUSE IT IS OURS.

So it all comes back to how we judge ourselves!! Change that, we change our SA. It's not drugs (just masks our feelings - good and bad), it's not exposure therapy - just adds more pain on top of all the rest we have endured, and it's not "trying not to care", because we do and we always will. It's about liking ourselves for who we are (warts and all) and not hating ourselves for who we are (mostly focussing on our SA characteristics and behavior). If we are going to judge ourselves, let's focus on the part of us that we know deep down is a good person, a worthwhile person to know. Better still, stop judging ourselves completely and just learn to like ourselves - period.

When we stop judging ourselves poorly, what anyone else thinks no longer matters to us as much.

I'll get off my soapbox now :flush.


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## loumon

Biggles said:


> Feeling of being judged is at the core of SA. But it is our feeling, therefore we can do things to reduce it. I don't say it's easy or quick to change, but it can be weakened over time. I feel I need to share some things that have become much clearer to me lately.
> 
> I think one of the keys to reducing our SA is every time we feel we are being judged is to rationally examine it.
> > Are we really being judged by that person, or are we _*judging ourselves*_ and assuming they must be thinking XXXXX about us?
> > If it is clear they are judging us, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter that QQQQQ thinks we're XXXXX? Does that make us XXXXX? No.
> > Even if someone is saying we're XXXXX and we _are _XXXXX, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter? Only if we judge being XXXXX as awful, wrong, embarrassing, unbearable etc. And that is _*our judgement*_ and we can change that. It won't happen overnight, but we can reduce that judgement over time - BECAUSE IT IS OURS.
> 
> So it all comes back to how we judge ourselves!! Change that, we change our SA. It's not drugs (just masks our feelings - good and bad), it's not exposure therapy - just adds more pain on top of all the rest we have endured, and it's not "trying not to care", because we do and we always will. It's about liking ourselves for who we are (warts and all) and not hating ourselves for who we are (mostly focussing on our SA characteristics and behavior). If we are going to judge ourselves, let's focus on the part of us that we know deep down is a good person, a worthwhile person to know. Better still, stop judging ourselves completely and just learn to like ourselves - period.
> 
> When we stop judging ourselves poorly, what anyone else thinks no longer matters to us as much.
> 
> I'll get off my soapbox now :flush.


I was going to say that you should become a therapist and realized you already are.
Cheers to you, Biggles!


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## komorikun

You can still do a lot of stuff in your 30s. I lived 2 years in South America in my 30s. I taught English and for one of those years lived in a college town. I had my "college experience" of going to many college parties (and messed around with much younger men) at age 32-33.

I'm now paying price of all that and my time in Japan. Going to university, living with roommates, and being broke in your 30s kind of bites. I'm getting too grumpy to deal with people in my living space.


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## Biggles

loumon said:


> I was going to say that you should become a therapist


Thanks, but I'd be a one trick pony at best (SA).


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## Biggles

komorikun said:


> You can still do a lot of stuff in your 30s. I lived 2 years in Brazil and 1 year in Bolivia in my 30s. I taught English and for one of those years lived in a college town. I had my "college experience" of going to many college parties (and messed around with much younger men) at age 32-33.
> 
> I'm now paying price of all that and my time in Japan. Going to university, living with roommates, and being broke in your 30s kind of bites. I'm getting too grumpy to deal with people in my living space.


It's funny, sad but funny that I thought about travelling the world after college before my first job. Someone convinced me it would be better to work for 3 years first and establish myself. Of course I got locked in the career mind-set and never could quit and travel for fear I would never get back in the workplace again. So for the last 30 years I've been doing the "waiting for retirement" thing. Now that's just taken a hit recently.

So you had some adventures and regret not having secured yourself in a career, and I regret having got locked in a career and missed out on adventures.

Life is cruel, it bites us whether we're coming or going.:cry


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## Umbrella Girl

Yes, I feel like I wasted my youth on all the stupid fears I have, because they have held me back from doing so many things. Now I'm middle-aged (44) and not much to show for it.


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## harrison

Biggles said:


> Feeling of being judged is at the core of SA. But it is our feeling, therefore we can do things to reduce it. I don't say it's easy or quick to change, but it can be weakened over time. I feel I need to share some things that have become much clearer to me lately.
> 
> I think one of the keys to reducing our SA is every time we feel we are being judged is to rationally examine it.
> > Are we really being judged by that person, or are we _*judging ourselves*_ and assuming they must be thinking XXXXX about us?
> > If it is clear they are judging us, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter that QQQQQ thinks we're XXXXX? Does that make us XXXXX? No.
> > Even if someone is saying we're XXXXX and we _are _XXXXX, then what is the result of that? Does it really matter? Only if we judge being XXXXX as awful, wrong, embarrassing, unbearable etc. And that is _*our judgement*_ and we can change that. It won't happen overnight, but we can reduce that judgement over time - BECAUSE IT IS OURS.
> 
> So it all comes back to how we judge ourselves!! Change that, we change our SA. It's not drugs (just masks our feelings - good and bad), it's not exposure therapy - just adds more pain on top of all the rest we have endured, and it's not "trying not to care", because we do and we always will. It's about liking ourselves for who we are (warts and all) and not hating ourselves for who we are (mostly focussing on our SA characteristics and behavior). If we are going to judge ourselves, let's focus on the part of us that we know deep down is a good person, a worthwhile person to know. Better still, stop judging ourselves completely and just learn to like ourselves - period.
> 
> When we stop judging ourselves poorly, what anyone else thinks no longer matters to us as much.
> 
> I'll get off my soapbox now :flush.


What a wonderful post! Thanks God you don't charge for this stuff Carl - I couldn't afford it. Thanks a lot. What you say is spot on , as usual, mate. I have often thought about that as well - that it's a question of how we respond to this negative thinking of ours - I think it takes a while to get to a point in life where we can see the fear for what it actually is - and realise that it doesn't really matter what people think of us. It's a tough thing to overcome.


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## dismiss

Well, considering I came up from nothing but sh*t... 

Didn't miss out on marriage, ended one instead... Declined becoming a mother. Voluntarily dumped friends because they were bad for my health and lifestyle...
No, I didn't miss out, I could've had all that. Could've been married to a cop in small town Appalachia... Owned a depreciating home.
I didn't want it. This life is mine. It's not a dress rehearsal. It may not be perfect, but it could also be a lot worse. 
I made the move up here because I now have health care, & I'm closer to family... The mountains and the beach are both within driving distance...
I enjoy my time alone. As much as I would like to date someone, I also recognize that it can be a hassle. 
The grass is always greener on the other side. I'm not wasting my time on that.

I've been procrastinating on looking for a better job. That's about all that's been a serious source of nagging frustration in the back of my mind... I hate that whole process.

& I'd like to travel a bit more before I die.


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## MobiusX

i'm waiting to die to be reincarnated to enjoy childhood and teenage years again. i can't stand this adult age i'm trapped being, i hate it, 28, my time has expired, if im not reincarnated then too bad, this life sucks now


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## atlex

MobiusX said:


> i'm waiting to die to be reincarnated to enjoy childhood and teenage years again.


 Unfortunately, that is not possible.


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## loumon

NoMoreSAD2013 said:


> But if you think about it most people aren't judgmental. That exists only within the mind. Even if they do,let them.It doesnt matter.Not so as you know yourself,no one else matters


True, most judgement is within our own mind. But sometimes what others think does hold importance if you want to be more social. So it's somewhat a filtering of which folks to ignore what they think about you and being atentative and connect with the ones that can part of a happier and more social you.


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## Sierpinski

baxman said:


> being a 30 something when i reflect on my past i cringe.i have wasted a lot of my life due to this disorders(s).i know its not a good thing to do but when i look back i have basically missed out on life.i have had a few experiences but not much.its quite hard to deal with because i continue to waste time due to this.
> 
> anyone else feel like they have wasted their lives away?


Yes, I do. At this point, I kind of feel like I only exist for the sake of decomposition.


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## ToucanSam

Nick9075 said:


> Sometimes, I wonder what I missed out on at these trendy clubs, bars & restaurants that are so popular.
> Many of these kids however are children of the top 1% or 2% of Americans


that's an important point that I haven't seen on this forum. SA'ers feel like they are living on the sidelines, watching life go by, glamorizing everyone else's life. There are alot of posts from people longing to feel comfortable in clubs - but like you said, it's a very small % of people who actually live the nightlife. What are the numbers on a typical weekend night - several thousand people in dance clubs in a city with millions of residents?



ravens said:


> I've been thinking that way. I should have been out going to parties instead of staying home and doing nothing. I feel like I've wasted my life. Now my life is nothing and it will never change.


you're at an age now where people aren't partying as much; they're probably doing more mellow stuff like throwing a BBQ or going to TGI Fridays. Those things are within grasp of someone with SA.


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## falling down

I've felt like this for quite some time now.



MobiusX said:


> i'm waiting to die to be reincarnated to enjoy childhood and teenage years again. i can't stand this adult age i'm trapped being, i hate it, 28, my time has expired, if im not reincarnated then too bad, this life sucks now


I agree with many things in this statement. Most notably the feeling of being a younger person stuck in an older life form and the reincarnation.



atlex said:


> Unfortunately, that is not possible.


How would you know? Show me the proof, the evidence?


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## Gurosan

I am 23yo now and my life is low tier and i still had no clear revelation of how bad im doing on normal scale of social wellbeing of decent people and think will keep wasting my life until i hit my head against some hard stuff that can't be ignored, but meanwhile i got my life to spend on mental trouble,stress and **** that just ain't my kind of thing...


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## falling down

Gurosan said:


> I am 23yo now and my life is low tier and i still had no clear revelation of how bad im doing on normal scale of social wellbeing of decent people and think will keep wasting my life until i hit my head against some hard stuff that can't be ignored, but meanwhile i got my life to spend on mental trouble,stress and **** that just ain't my kind of thing...


You are still young enough to rectify your situation. Get out there and have fun yet also don't forget to make something of yourself so that you have the power to control your future and don't have to rely on someone or something else to carry you.


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## Gurosan

falling down said:


> You are still young enough to rectify your situation. Get out there and have fun yet also don't forget to make something of yourself so that you have the power to control your future and don't have to rely on someone or something else to carry you.


Yeah....i just don't have the mind for studying and acomplishing things in life... I always have felt that i would be a good support for someone who is going for they're goal and doing stuff meanwhile while supporting that person type of guy... As of yet i have not found my pillar and i cannot make myself into one. I can imagine finding a perfect job that could really be for me and be total workaholic and enjoy life while doing best at job, even if it's not well paid. But so far i have not found job like that.


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## falling down

Gurosan said:


> Yeah....i just don't have the mind for studying and acomplishing things in life... I always have felt that i would be a good support for someone who is going for they're goal and doing stuff meanwhile while supporting that person type of guy... As of yet i have not found my pillar and i cannot make myself into one. I can imagine finding a perfect job that could really be for me and be total workaholic and enjoy life while doing best at job, even if it's not well paid. But so far i have not found job like that.


For what it's worth, I would trade ages with you any day. Just sayin...


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## Ender

A lot of people have achieved things late in life, Google grandma Moses

I sometimes feel as though life has passed me by, however I try hard not to dwell on the feeling.

There are advantages to not doing things. My SA started in my teens but didn't get bad until I turned 22 so I had some of the experiences some people complain about missing. I remember my first girlfriend, first kiss, and losing my virginity. I also remember losing the girl I did all these things with, watching her move in with another guy and I remember visiting her grave.

If I had never loved her I would have missed out on a lot of pain.

The memories of parties I've been to and good times I have had don't comfort me they make me sad and long to be that man again. I am more concerned with what I am missing out on then what I have missed in the past because the past is gone. I had a great steak 2 years ago on a beach trip, but that doesn't keep me from getting hungry today.


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## Chris 316

My teen social life was Final Fantasy games, Weed, and Opiates. I sure did alot of wasting time myself..still to this day im trying to overcome the opiates and video games lol..But i know what you mean. I always think back when i see Teen movies, Like American Pie (although old to now standards, you get the point) never had friends like that, Never went to a school dance, or prom. Hell im not a virgin but i never even been on a date yet and im gonna be 28 yrs old..but with all that the only thing that has ever bothered me is "being in love with a special someone" which i just can't seem to grasp. When you have had bad expiriences with cheating and what not, it sure does not make you to anxious to jump back out there, wherever there is.

But with that all said, alot of good things have happened, iv grown up and bettered myself from alot of previous mistakes i have made (shoplifting in the past for a drug addiction, stealing from family) really heinous acts that i myself am disgusted i ever acted on as that's not me. Or it was me under the influence and i changed. 

All in all, i can feel all you with what your saying. And Raven? I didn't hear no bell man. It's not over yet dude. Chin up.


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## Nick9075

ToucanSam said:


> that's an important point that I haven't seen on this forum. SA'ers feel like they are living on the sidelines, watching life go by, glamorizing everyone else's life. There are alot of posts from people longing to feel comfortable in clubs - but like you said, it's a very small % of people who actually live the nightlife. What are the numbers on a typical weekend night - several thousand people in dance clubs in a city with millions of residents?
> 
> you're at an age now where people aren't partying as much; they're probably doing more mellow stuff like throwing a BBQ or going to TGI Fridays. Those things are within grasp of someone with SA.


How ? No one has ever really invited me anywhere and it seems like everyone is very standoffish and uptight so its impossible to make even an aquaintance let alone a friend 
Ironic that I also invested $100,000 in a restaurant/ nightclub but I will likely never go once we are reopened and have the liquor license- it is in an uber trendy part of manhattan


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## oceanlife

ravens said:


> I've missed out on a lot. I mean when you've never kissed any girl or had sex isn't that the definition of missing out. It's also the definition of being a ****ing loser.


Have you ever thought about paying an escort to go out on a date with you? I'm not implying you should pay for sex, but just experiencing a date might build up your confidence.


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## ToucanSam

Nick9075 said:


> it seems like everyone is very standoffish and uptight so its impossible to make even an aquaintance let alone a friend


that's something I've discussed in other posts. I don't know what the answer is - but I do know that it affects non-SA'ers, too. As digital media/Internet use has grown, people have grown less open and more socially-risk-averse. Groups like MeetUp/MeetIn may not be perfect, but they at least are attempts to bridge the gaps.


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## Nick9075

ToucanSam said:


> that's something I've discussed in other posts. I don't know what the answer is - but I do know that it affects non-SA'ers, too. As digital media/Internet use has grown, people have grown less open and more socially-risk-averse. Groups like MeetUp/MeetIn may not be perfect, but they at least are attempts to bridge the gaps.


Do you think its because of the Media/Internet?? I thought it was because people automatically try to find & exploit any weakness they perceive and act that way because they think they are better than you / you are inferior to them.


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## ToucanSam

Nick9075 said:


> Do you think its because of the Media/Internet?? I thought it was because people automatically try to find & exploit any weakness they perceive and act that way because they think they are better than you / you are inferior to them.


fair enough, but where did that come from?

I'm not trying to idealize any one period in history, but previous eras were not as superficial and uncivil as the last couple of decades. I didn't want to hijack the thread with a tirade on the deterioration of civility, courtesies, generosity, etc., so I just abbreviated it as "media/internet", as those are perhaps the most powerful influences. In previous eras, people took their cues from traditional norms (community, family, religion), whereas now most people take their cues from popular culture (media, internet, TV, movies, music, etc). Pop culture, of course, is just one component of our consumer society; as people become more invested in material possessions, they must also work harder to acquire those possessions, and so the vicious cycle ensues in a narcisstic spiral that centers on the self. That means their focus shifts from people to objects, people become secondary to objects, etc etc. *end soapbox*


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## qiuetmind

*For sure*

For sure, there are so many things I would off liked to do but did not. I wasted my youth and never get it back.


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## qiuetmind

I diffidently wasted my youth by standing on the side lines. Now it is to late one cannot get it back. I must point out as well there where many factors evolved to make me the way I am. From the way I was brought up. the way the country was governed to the economy. They all played there part.


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## cloister2

MobiusX said:


> i'm waiting to die to be reincarnated to enjoy childhood and teenage years again. i can't stand this adult age i'm trapped being, i hate it, 28, my time has expired, if im not reincarnated then too bad, this life sucks now


I want to be reincarnated on another planet.


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## Agua Azure

baxman said:


> being a 30 something when i reflect on my past i cringe.i have wasted a lot of my life due to this disorders(s).i know its not a good thing to do but when i look back i have basically missed out on life.i have had a few experiences but not much.its quite hard to deal with because i continue to waste time due to this.
> 
> anyone else feel like they have wasted their lives away?


I do. I feel like I've missed so much already since I got stuck here at home. I miss the things I used to do, my friends, my job. Most of all, I miss seeing my worth as a person.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

Meh. I'm probebly just going to waste my whole life. But what is wasting life? I enjoy food, drink, laughter and all the basic things. Screw having carriers, a wife or kids. Those are only geneticly inprinted in us for the survival of our species. And last I check our species is doing fine in terms of survival. So **** it. I'll just waste my life and be happy about it.


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## cloister2

what an enviable attitude


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## cloister2

I keep hearing we're all here for a reason. What? To get kicked in the ***?


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## CBOlyphant

I don't worry about having wasted my past. I did the best I could with what I knew then, I do wish I had made some better choices but that's all done now so what's the use of worry on it. What I _do_ worry about is wasting my future by allowing my anxiety to hold me back any more. I am desperately working on the issues that have plagued me and challenging myself as much as I can so that I don't let the next 10 years look like the last 10. I can't fix the past, but I can make the future better than it has to be living the way I was.


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## keep2myself

Sure, lol, when I was about 18, it seemed like I always had about 10 girlfriends hanging around but I was afraid to sleep with them, well, lol, afraid of them in general, so they never stuck around, but at least I had friends. Now, lol, I'm 40, don't have much hair left and they don't want nothing to do with me, that and most women my age are either married, divorced, or nobody else wants anything to do with them either. Just think of all the diseases and possible pregnancies I've avoided through the years as a result! Always been real cautious, same with my career, never take any chances, just slow but, steady, want to be able to retire comfortably early and then go work some cool jobs instead of having to follow the money all the time. Every relationship I've ever had made me feel threatened in some way shape or fashion, guess my personality attracted the wrong people.


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## pixies

I did! But I try to make the best of a bad situation. I also learned a lot from reading this thread.


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## lonesomeboy

I've missed out on almost everything. Anything that actually matters, that in my death bed I can think back and smile about.


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## lonelyworld

I'm 24 but I'm just the same, I've missed out on everything.


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## CWe

Man this thread is depressing as fu-- but yet i can totally relate!


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## CWe

awkwardsilent said:


> For those asking it is never too late to enjoy life. Yes you might not get the stereotypical experiences in the stereotypical order. I've never dated, but I have friends, I go out, I enjoy my life. I didn't start doing any of the "normal" social things until I was in my late 20's so no its not too late. Sometimes I get caught in that trap what if it is over, and I never find love. Well there is too much in life that I can do even if I NEVER have a boyfriend. I can travel, I can buy the things I want if I don't have a family to support. I might not have the life I dreamed of but it can still be a good life, maybe even a GREAT life.
> 
> I try and remind myself when I am about to say no to something 5 years from now will I regret doing this? Or will I regret not doing it. Because I feel that way about my 20's I will not regret my 30's!


Finally, something to make me feel a little better. i love love love you!


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## CWe

Icantbethatbad said:


> Life only starts when you overcome certain problems in your life that hold you back, then things start to go your way  ,and then the momentum kicks in and you can start pursuing things, fortunatly it hasn't happened for me yet :no. still hopefull sigh......


This makes me feel hopeful and pissed off. What if that never happens for me? then what...... f--k!


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## CWe

AngelClare said:


> I was at a club the other day. I'm still to self conscious to dance but I watched everyone else dancing and letting loose. I kept thinking that this is what I should have been doing in my 20's. These kids go to parties every week and go out to clubs at least once a week. They have such active social lives. They're free to laugh, dance and enjoy life. I'm just starting to break free. So much time wasted.


Just think, Not all NoRMAL people went out to parties every week, what does that say about them? is there lives crappy too? something to think about. Successfull people i mean


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