# Why can't God give me courage?



## farine457

Whenever I'm placed in social situations, my gut instinct is what controls me, and it's a feeling of fear, and my mind goes blank, and I flee. I want to change so badly. I always take opportunities to meet people and to socialize, I join clubs, I sit with people. There's just one thing lacking that stops me from speaking what's on my mind, and that's courage. And courage isn't something that I can magically instill in myself. No matter how much I want courage, I can't get it. So isn't God supposed to provide me with the things I need that I can't do on my own? I feel like I'm trying everything here, and I can only go so far on my own...why can't God help me with the things I can't do myself? Why isn't He holding up his part?


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## SaigeJones

Because life is supposed to be hard. Its not supposed to be easy. You have to suffer, fight, and struggle to get everything you get. 

Life is not a tea party. This is the real deal. 

You suffer because thats how the universe wants it. Pain and fear is the natural order of things. Its supposed to be that way. 

If you want courage you have to fight and suffer for it. It won't be given to you.


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## DenisLi

You have to build up courage over time. It doesn't just appear. Decide what you want to accomplish and gradually work your way up. Make specific goals like "I'm going to try to start a conversation with 3 people today" and if that your attempt at conversation is awkward at first, it will get better eventually.

Now I need to follow my own advice....


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## coldmorning

SaigeJones said:


> Because life is supposed to be hard. Its not supposed to be easy. You have to suffer, fight, and struggle to get everything you get.
> 
> Life is not a tea party. This is the real deal.
> 
> You suffer because thats how the universe wants it. Pain and fear is the natural order of things. Its supposed to be that way.
> 
> If you want courage you have to fight and suffer for it. It won't be given to you.


Unfortunate but true. The sooner we embrace this, the sooner we can move forward.


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## millenniumman75

God gives us courage, but doubt (item of the flesh) gets in the way.


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## Hallran

Because, like others said, that would be too easy 

Here's a good quote/paraphrase from Evan Almighty:

"When you pray for courage, do you think God gives you courage, or the chance to be courageous? When you pray for patience, do you think God gives you patience, or the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for their family to become closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them chances to do things as a family?"

Sounds like you're on the right track, just keep making efforts to show a little courage here and there.


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## FairleighCalm

*He may be showing you the road to courage, which will be much better for you than just be handed "courage".*


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## CopadoMexicano

If I can just man up and flood myself with the spirit of confidence and not fear I wouldnt be so freaked out.


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## millenniumman75

You have to build yourself up to it.
It's like social muscles out of shape - they have to be built up.


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## Kush

god will give us courage once he allows snakes to talk


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## anzoh

I have struggled with this very same question for years. But I'm starting to realize, that God just doesn't seem to act like that. 

God very rarely seems to cure physical illnesses "miraculously". He usually uses doctors, nurses and meds. I think it is the same thing for these mental problems also. There are many methods to get better, like therapy.

//edit: But He has promised that He is with us, all the time!


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## aviator99

Hey, no cheating 

I always think of life as akin to college. You have your major, your classes that you chose to accomplish your major, and everything else. You have some people that are in the arts (ala artistic people), those into mathematics, science, social sectors, and more. The reason you dont have courage is because you're supposed to learn it. No different than someone saying, 'I dont understand physics at all. Why cant god give me the knowledge of physics?' Because god gives you the power to learn it. Right now you're taking a class on courage, but your asking the teacher to give you the answers to pass the class 

I'll never forget a quote I heard a famous psychic say (not that this pertains to you, but just a great quote in general). Suicide, is like showing up for the graduation ceremony after never completing school.


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## Kush

*sfasdf*

Meaning, your life, assuming you reach 77, will have only made up 0.00000001% of history, wow thats depressing


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## thisisfraser

serenity5x5 said:


> I feel like I'm trying everything here, and I can only go so far on my own...why can't God help me with the things I can't do myself? Why isn't He holding up his part?


If there's anything I've learned from reading the bible and being raised Catholic it's that God owes you nothing because he gave us the wonderful thing called free will. What I personally took from that idea is that the way my life goes and the way I feel is all up to me. So instead of looking for his help seek help from the things you have in this life. Friends, family, pets, anything that will bring your attention back to reality instead of being stuck inside your own head.


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## smp3

I struggle w/ courage to speak out in social situations too. I think what gets me through is ...just sitting there, and praying out that Christ would give me His strength... It definitely is a work in progress, but i think maybe its a trust thing. God wants us to learn to trust and depend on Him for Courage. You know that saying, "God won't ever give you, more than you can deal with." Kind of seems like thats the way it has to be..By just talking to God, we can let go of our fears (fears is myy #1 problem..) and cling to Him and allow Him to take our hand and guide us through the social stuff...

Just a thought. I know how difficult the social situations are. It takes time. Time and a massive amount of talking to God for guidance.

Hang in there =]

Stacey



serenity5x5 said:


> Whenever I'm placed in social situations, my gut instinct is what controls me, and it's a feeling of fear, and my mind goes blank, and I flee. I want to change so badly. I always take opportunities to meet people and to socialize, I join clubs, I sit with people. There's just one thing lacking that stops me from speaking what's on my mind, and that's courage. And courage isn't something that I can magically instill in myself. No matter how much I want courage, I can't get it. So isn't God supposed to provide me with the things I need that I can't do on my own? I feel like I'm trying everything here, and I can only go so far on my own...why can't God help me with the things I can't do myself? Why isn't He holding up his part?


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## livinginfear

I've prayed, actually begged God for the courage to do things I needed to do, like job interviews for instance, and I was at least able to go. It didn't mean I had no fear, I was absolutely terrified, but I went, which is big for me. I think God will always give us what we truly NEED, but not always what we WANT, or else He'd just take my fear away. I feel like SA has helped make me who I am, not all of it bad, and perhaps there's a greater purpose for my suffering, be it only to make me a more compassionate human being. I don't know, but I do trust that God hears my prayers, and answers. He never really promised to take our suffering away, just to be there with us through it.


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## millenniumman75

Hallran said:


> Because, like others said, that would be too easy
> 
> Here's a good quote/paraphrase from Evan Almighty:
> 
> "When you pray for courage, do you think God gives you courage, or the chance to be courageous? When you pray for patience, do you think God gives you patience, or the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for their family to become closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them chances to do things as a family?"
> 
> Sounds like you're on the right track, just keep making efforts to show a little courage here and there.





MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> If I can just man up and flood myself with the spirit of confidence and not fear I wouldnt be so freaked out.


That gave me a chuckle. Interesting thread .


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## Scrub-Zero

kpiper0101 said:


> I think God will always give us what we truly NEED, but not always what we WANT, or else He'd just take my fear away.


thats what i think too.
If he gave me what i wanted, id be rich and i would be typing this message from some beach in thailand using a laptop


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## sprinter

I think the problem is the subconscious mind is not on the same page as the conscious mind. I've come to believe the key to overcoming SAD for most people lies in the subconscious mind. I've just finished reading a good book on the subconscious mind and learned a lot from it but I can't say I've gotten as far as utilizing any of the information yet as I've just finished it. But I would recommend it, it's not a religious book (or a book about SAD) but the last chapter is about prayer. I don't agree with everything the author has to say, I would be leery of some techniques of communication with your subconscious for example, like the pendulum technique which seems a little too much like using an Ouija board for my tastes. But in any case here's a link to the bookhttp://www.thegeniewithin.net/

Even though this book doesn't really address SAD specifically the author did overcome a severe fear of public speaking.


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## Zakar

> "Because life is supposed to be hard. Its not supposed to be easy. You have to suffer, fight, and struggle to get everything you get.
> 
> Life is not a tea party. This is the real deal.
> 
> You suffer because thats how the universe wants it. Pain and fear is the natural order of things. Its supposed to be that way.
> 
> If you want courage you have to fight and suffer for it. It won't be given to you."


These statements are so completely false it isn't even funny, and hardly applies to every human being on Earth. The universe WANTS us to suffer? Some people never get close to suffering as much as others do. Life is complete LUCK for the most part. The true "fighters" who you refer to are usually regarded as heroes for being so special and because they are so rare, people like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr that fought (and died) for their beliefs.

People born in Iraq under a terrorist regime? Those people are brainwashed from children and never have a chance to think for themselves, how can they fight for something they never could hope to imagine to conceive?

Well I could go on and on all day with examples but I am sure everyone knows what I am getting at.

Everyone's lives are not equal. How can you say someone can be "courageous" in life when it is totally against their favor to begin with? People born poor or with sickness aren't being "weak", it is because they are afraid of the pain, the misery, the starvation. People born in slave countries, how can they be courageous when they are beat down the moment they are born? Sure a few may be rebels, but it will make them suffer more. People born with genetic defects and diseases makes their fight nearly impossible at times.

People born with "good looks" obvious will have more luck mingling with society, as opposed to overweight and "ugly" people.

Some peoples lives are born with complete ease, no fighting, just pure luck and what do they fight for? Things like having a million dollar yacht build to their specifications? I guess their life is indeed a tea party.

Anyways generic responses like that are just what makes S.A.D. even harder to cope with when all we can tell them is copy pasted responses that may worked for a some, but not for all. Everyone is their own individual, some people take medication to rid their self of the self-caused stress, some drink or smoke, some watch TV, some eat, some seek help from others, or some (like me) don't really know what to do. But I can say that everyone is special and needs help in their own way, and it can't be summed up in a simple series of simplistic sentences like "fight on, suffer more, suck up your fear", that sounds like something from movie, geez...

....


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## Someone Is Here

This question boils down to the "Problem of Evil". An omni-benevolent God is apparently letting you suffer. One of the big topics in philosophy and theology.

You could do worse than having a read of the Wikipedia entry to wet your appetite for more serious reading.


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## screwjack

Someone Is Here said:


> This question boils down to the "Problem of Evil". An omni-benevolent God is apparently letting you suffer. One of the big topics in philosophy and theology.
> 
> You could do worse than having a read of the Wikipedia entry to wet your appetite for more serious reading.


It also boils down to which "God" we are talking about. There are so many religions and so many different sects with so many different interpretations that it is almost impossible to reply to the op.


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## Someone Is Here

screwjack said:


> It also boils down to which "God" we are talking about. There are so many religions and so many different sects with so many different interpretations that it is almost impossible to reply to the op.


I think it's safe to assume that the OP is referring to a "God" who is supposed to be looking after his/her/it's believers. Otherwise why would he/she pose the question?

I should point out that I'm not about to offer a point of view on whether his/her god has let them down. In all honestly I don't have one. I just find the question to be of interest (there's a difference).


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## screwjack

Someone Is Here said:


> I think it's safe to assume that the OP is referring to a "God" who is supposed to be looking after his/her/it's believers. Otherwise why would he/she pose the question?
> 
> I should point out that I'm not about to offer a point of view on whether his/her god has let them down. In all honestly I don't have one. I just find the question to be of interest (there's a difference).


Yes but there are still so many different interprations that it is hard to come up with an answer without knowing the religions/beliefs of the op. I can come up with an answer but so could anyone else, what answer is the op hoping for?


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## millenniumman75

serenity5x5 said:


> Whenever I'm placed in social situations, my gut instinct is what controls me, and it's a feeling of fear, and my mind goes blank, and I flee. I want to change so badly. I always take opportunities to meet people and to socialize, I join clubs, I sit with people. There's just one thing lacking that stops me from speaking what's on my mind, and that's courage. And courage isn't something that I can magically instill in myself. No matter how much I want courage, I can't get it. So isn't God supposed to provide me with the things I need that I can't do on my own? I feel like I'm trying everything here, and I can only go so far on my own...why can't God help me with the things I can't do myself? Why isn't He holding up his part?


He's holding up His part. The thing is that you would have to step out and try things. God can handle the events around you, but you have to make the move. The first thing He can show you is that it is not as scary as you may think. This isn't instantaneous; it's a growth thing - something that actually ends up more permanent.


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## Anxiety75

We must trust in God, not doubting at all. I still have this problem about truly trusting. Having a good personal relationship with God builds trust in him to give us the strength for what we cannot do by ourselves. I'm working on it.


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## Amocholes

When we ask for courage, I think he gives us opportunities to be courageous.
When we ask for strength, he gives us opportunities to be strong.


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## brokenlight

Hallran said:


> Because, like others said, that would be too easy
> 
> Here's a good quote/paraphrase from Evan Almighty:
> 
> "When you pray for courage, do you think God gives you courage, or the chance to be courageous? When you pray for patience, do you think God gives you patience, or the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for their family to become closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them chances to do things as a family?"
> 
> Sounds like you're on the right track, just keep making efforts to show a little courage here and there.


I think that quote is so true. I am starting to see that if it were best for me, God would just take my anxiety away miraculously. This hasn't happened yet, although I believe it does happen that way for some people. Why not for me? I think that it is best for me right now to practice putting faith into action. I heard something on Joyce Meyer about Jesus goes into the furnace with us. We do not have to be so afraid to face things that are difficult for us, if we believe that he does not abandon us to our problems, but wants to face them with us. He is always at our side. I recently faced a furnace of my own, but I depended on God to walk me through it, something I couldn't have done in the past, and he did.


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## Chiro2b2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
Bible, Proverbs 3:5,6


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## acharman

God gave me fear.
I asked Him for confidence.
He gave me confidence, but people thought I was arrogant.
I asked Him for humility.
He gave me humility, but living life humbly was no fun.
I asked Him for status.
He gave me status, but then everyone wanted piece of me.
I asked Him for privacy.
He gave me privacy, but then I was lonely.
I asked Him for company.
He gave me company, but then I never had a moment for myself.
I asked Him for some peace and quiet.
He broke both my legs and I spent six months in hospital.
And it was there that I learned... to listen to my fear.


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## acharman

Let's say there are two parts of you in your thoughts. Part 1 wants to do something important and useful. Let's choose something random and say it is 'speak out on behalf of a friend'. 
You feel a sense of injustice on behalf of your friend and your moral and social impulse is to speak out.
However, there's another part. Part 2 is scared. And there are many reasons why you might be scared of speaking out on behalf of your friend. You might be seen as interfering, you might provoke anger from your friend's antagonist. you might be told it is none of your business... any number of reasons.
At first sight, Part 1 looks like a good intention and Part 2, looks to be an interference. Right?
Well, maybe not. 
What would part 2 say, if you could ask what it's motives were? Why is it scared? Well, it wants to prevent antagonism, embarrasment, anger, social stigma. In other words, part 2 is trying to PROTECT you. That's fear, right? A protection mechanism.
So what happens if you try and over-ride all protection mechanisms? Are you safer? Turn off all the air-bags. Undo your seat-belt. turn off the anti-skid control. Safer? Don't think so?
To be safer, you need to examine all the possible threats. And having examined them, you need to be sure you would know how to respond to each one. What would you DO, if you provoked anger? If you were told it was none of your business?
So long as you have planned for each eventuality.. even with the briefest of contingencies... then you can be ready. You also have to plan for the unexpected, of course... but this is also what fear is FOR. It heightens your awareness... makes you more ready for the threats.
It is not working against you. It is on your side, protecting you, helping you see threats. If you listen to it, and respond to the demands it is making, it will allow you to proceed.
Some times you might have to negotiate... gain consent from your fear that you have covered every possible angle, but the more you seek to satisfy your fear that you have planned to keep yourself safe, the more it will give you space to operate. The point is.. your fear is working WITH you and FOR you.
Who else do you know might be "on your side" and "helping you see threats"? Which "invisible hand" operates to guide you? Whose is that shadow walking beside you?
You want God to REMOVE your fear?
Look a little closer.


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## socially inept

serenity5x5 said:


> Whenever I'm placed in social situations, my gut instinct is what controls me, and it's a feeling of fear, and my mind goes blank, and I flee. I want to change so badly. I always take opportunities to meet people and to socialize, I join clubs, I sit with people. There's just one thing lacking that stops me from speaking what's on my mind, and that's courage. And courage isn't something that I can magically instill in myself. No matter how much I want courage, I can't get it. So isn't God supposed to provide me with the things I need that I can't do on my own? I feel like I'm trying everything here, and I can only go so far on my own...why can't God help me with the things I can't do myself? Why isn't He holding up his part?


god can give you courage

try the following book - the 72 names of god by yehuda berg

in the book there are 72 different names all for different life problems. there is a name for courage - its called "fearless".

it works like this - you scan the name with your eyes from right to left (the opposite way to the way that you read ) and you tap into that particular frequency, in this case fearless

you should use fearless, overcoming negative thoughts, and certainty. those 3 names will give you courage

but scanning the names isnt enough, you must also take physical action yourself by facing your fears .

consider this analogy - electricity is always willing and waiting to light up a room for you but it wont do it on its own. you have to actually do something yourself. to light up the room you have to take the physical action of swithing the plug on.
god is always waiting and willing to give you courage but you must do something to activate it


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## LateJuly

God only helps those who help themselves. You may think that this is a simple notion but it's not. Get the wheel turning, and you will see exponential progress as long as you ask for his for guidance and help along the way.


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## Hippo

I was in a Christian fellowship during college, and the pastor was always telling us to spread the gospel and befriend strangers, etc. Totally not my thing. 

One sermon he preached really stayed with me, he preached on the Israelites crossing the Jordan. To part the river, Aaron was instructed by God to go to the bank of the river and strike it with his staff (or maybe it was his cloak, i forget). After doing this, the river parted.

The point was that Aaron was put on the spot. God could have just parted the river himself, but he instead put Aaron in the position where he might have looked ridiculous if he went out there in front of the israelites and struck the river and nothing happened!!

I kept this story in mind all during my college years. It is probably the only sermon i actually remember from those years. I would say to myself, "i'm Aaron striking the river" when I was in a spot where I felt nervous doing something. 

Eventually i was doing things that I couldn't have imagined doing, like walking up to strangers and laying hands on them and praying for them in public!!!

The whole point is that there is always the risk and fear of looking stupid, all the heros of the bible ran the risk of looking foolish. God gives us courage incrementally as we take the risk of looking foolish and seeing that it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.

I don't do stuff like that anymore, I kind of reverted back to how I was prior to college. But it was definitely interesting.

Another teaching is about having faith the size of a mustard seed. you might look inward and feel like you have NO courage or faith at all. But the point Jesus was making is that mustard seeds are so tiny, smaller than a grain of sand, that that is all you need, use what you have, he will multiply it.


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## justpassinby

Hippo said:


> I was in a Christian fellowship during college, and the pastor was always telling us to spread the gospel and befriend strangers, etc. Totally not my thing.
> 
> One sermon he preached really stayed with me, he preached on the Israelites crossing the Jordan. To part the river, Aaron was instructed by God to go to the bank of the river and strike it with his staff (or maybe it was his cloak, i forget). After doing this, the river parted.
> 
> The point was that Aaron was put on the spot. God could have just parted the river himself, but he instead put Aaron in the position where he might have looked ridiculous if he went out there in front of the israelites and struck the river and nothing happened!!
> 
> I kept this story in mind all during my college years. It is probably the only sermon i actually remember from those years. I would say to myself, "i'm Aaron striking the river" when I was in a spot where I felt nervous doing something.
> 
> Eventually i was doing things that I couldn't have imagined doing, like walking up to strangers and laying hands on them and praying for them in public!!!
> 
> The whole point is that there is always the risk and fear of looking stupid, all the heros of the bible ran the risk of looking foolish. God gives us courage incrementally as we take the risk of looking foolish and seeing that it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.
> 
> I don't do stuff like that anymore, I kind of reverted back to how I was prior to college. But it was definitely interesting.
> 
> Another teaching is about having faith the size of a mustard seed. you might look inward and feel like you have NO courage or faith at all. But the point Jesus was making is that mustard seeds are so tiny, smaller than a grain of sand, that that is all you need, use what you have, he will multiply it.


great post!


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## cheerio

Amocholes said:


> When we ask for courage, I think he gives us opportunities to be courageous.
> When we ask for strength, he gives us opportunities to be strong.


You wrote exactly what I wanted to write, but in a more concise but powerful way of saying it. Thanks! 

There are virtues like courage and self-confidence that I seek help from God to obtain but I know that I need to do my part in order that I will develop these characteristics into my character. Doubting Him and questioning His timeliness of answering your prayers can both easily cross your mind at times, but we have to learn to trust Him completely since that is the only way to receive fully of what He has to offer.


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