# Normal to have sex on the first date?



## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

hmm


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

honestly, I don't think it is. I am more use to the third date.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Yeah, if I was dating the person like the 3rd+ date I would have been like sure. But, at the first date and you not hardly knowing anything about me besides seeing me one time in university? I don't know. All I was expecting for tonight was just a light/get to know you date..especially for a misfit like me. The guy didn't turn out to be so great anyway and I did not feel too sexually attracted to him as the night went on. Well, there goes my first experience right there..


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## Life Aint No Joke (Mar 8, 2013)

To my knowledge, going over to someone's place to "watch a movie" implies sex. Actually, any sort of "house date" implies sex.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Until I know the person, I kind of assume they just want to get laid. Like guilty until proven innocent. So I normally would not go to their place on a 1st date. Even if I did just want a one night stand I would not meet them at their place because I need to check them out first to see if find them attractive and if they kiss okay. Also need to do umm...other testing too. Once you are at their place they will try and try and it just gets annoying.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Life Aint No Joke said:


> To my knowledge, going over to someone's place to "watch a movie" implies sex. Actually, any sort of "house date" implies sex.


This


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Also need to do umm...other testing too.


:no

==

i think what other people said is probably right, a movie at a house probably implies things. still, not all guys would pressure a girl into anything she wasn't clearly into in those circumstances. but it's probably safe to say a lot would go ahead with whatever until they got an unambiguous signal to stop.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

^Thanks guys. Lesson learned for me: Be cautious if a guy asks me over to their place for movies or any other planned events. And like what you said komorikun, not having a vivid image and opinion about the guy just yet was one main reason for why I chose not to get into sex tonight. I really could care less if he or his roommate think bad about me too for walking out. I have my reasons, and it appears to me that he definitely only wanted to get laid on the first meet up.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

enfield said:


> :no
> 
> ==


What? Better to find out sooner than later. :yes


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

ratherunique11 said:


> ^Thanks guys. Lesson learned for me: Be cautious if a guy asks me over to their place for movies or any other planned events. And like what you said komorikun, not having a vivid image and opinion about the guy just yet was one main reason fori t why I chose not to get into sex tonight. I really could care less if he or his roommate think bad about me too for walking out. I have my reasons, and it appears to me that he definitely only wanted to get laid on the first meet up.


i think you are handling it really well.



komorikun said:


> What? Better to find out sooner than later. :yes


i thought you were never going to ask! :b


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't really understand why you would go to the bedroom if you didn't want sex. also, what do you mean almost? were you guys naked?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

You live and learn, but all signs pointed to that being his intention. I feel that a guy who really pushes the issue of wanting sex straight out the gates is not in it for any long term commitment. That being said, if a first date naturally leads to sex then it's nothing abnormal or wrong by any means imo.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I would never of said its normal, it isnt, you gotta really get to know someone for it to be meaningful and its usually something worth waiting for...

Alas I have been the opposite to this on my last 2 dates.

Girl 1: Met online, she intended to come down and stay over if we got on well, back at mine we ended up having sex

Girl 2: We got on relatively well. I got stupidly drunk though. I actually touched her boob in public, can barely remember it, then cause we got on well, time flew, she missed her last train and we got back to mine and did stuff, 

Whilst it probably was me who started things, they were keen to meet again, but having sex earlier did complicate things in some ways, I guess it wasnt as special to us meeting up anymore


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## lad (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't think it matters, depends what you're looking for but you'll just be seen as a sexual object for giving it out on the first date.


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## Miss Noir (Feb 17, 2013)

If he was really into you has a person, he wouldn't try to bed you so early. A respectful guy looking for a true relationship would take there time to get to know you. Sure physical attraction is part of it too and men get horny but a good guy waits. It's a shame the jerk let you walk home by yourself at 1am. Another reason never ever again to make contact with him.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

No it is not.


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## tayzipporah (Mar 25, 2012)

I hate to say this because it's something my mom would say :roll but, going to a guy's place the first time you're meeting him is also kinda dangerous. What if him and his roommate had plans to gang rape you? :blank


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

It's normal to have sex when you feel comfortable. That can be the first date just like it can be the 20th. 

You shouldn't feel guilty about doing things with him, but next time if you know that you're not really into him then make a run for it from the start. It's okay to admit to yourself you wanted to do some things and then changed your mind.

I also agree with taizypporah, it's a really bad idea to go into a guy's house when you don't know him. Thankfully, the guy listened to you and stopped before having intercourse, but that's not going to happen with every guy. Some won't take no for an answer...


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

No it isn't normal (for most people anyway.)

1. If they asked you, they probably asked all the other people they dated aswell.
2. They are not looking for a proper substantial relationship.
3. There is a big chance they will lose respect for you if you sleep with then on the first date.
4. To be honest you shouldn't really talk about sex on the first date even.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Sometimes, yes, sex is totally normal. My mom has friends who are married like 20+ years and they had sex on the first date (IDK why I know stuff like this, though). It's not like a killer of a possible relationship. Thing is, they had intense chemistry and got on very well and just didn't want the date to end. This guy wanted a hook up, and you probably felt too bad to turn him down, until it came to the final moment where you were like "I'm out." Like, if you really like a guy and just really want to sleep with him, and it's the first date, then go for it. But if you sleep with a guy because he's pressuring you, or you hope by doing that then he'll like you more, or because he's a creep like that guy, then it's not for the right reasons. But hey, I think everyone gets an experience with "that guy" and now you've come out the wiser for it, and still kept your self-respect by saying No and leaving.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

It's normal. I don't understand why people are saying otherwise.

As for common, I'm not sure. This is SAS, after all, so it's not like most of us are getting laid or getting the opportunity for one-night stands. I know plenty of people who have had sex on the first date.

You don't have to "deal with all the creeps." You knew he was one from the start when he kept touching you, yet decided to stay. You also went to his apartment, which means he had planned to have sex with you. You're not an easy target because of your SAD; you're just a bit naive. I'm not saying you should beat yourself up over this, but take this as a learning experience.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Life Aint No Joke said:


> To my knowledge, going over to someone's place to "watch a movie" implies sex. Actually, any sort of "house date" implies sex.


Is this true?


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## stookified (Sep 15, 2012)

It's a college dude so ya to him he's thinking score..imo if a girls has sex on first fate that's a warning sign unless its both mutually understood. But if u want a relationship that's crazy


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

arnie said:


> Is this true?


That's what I want to know.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

It's absolutely normal. I'm sure statistics would say the 3rd to 5th dates are much more likely for sex to occur, but that doesn't mean first date sex doesn't happen all the time - especially if it's a house date. In fact, if I went over to a girl's house or vice versa for a first date and we didn't have sex or at least close to it I would be a little surprised. It's definitely implied.

That being said the fact that he tried to push it so many times was a bit douchey, so good for you for not going through with it. But for the future, if you're looking for something more than just a quick lay then don't meet at a guy's place for a first date.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

enfield said:


> i think you are handling it really well.
> 
> i thought you were never going to ask! :b


Thanks.




Life Aint No Joke said:


> To my knowledge, going over to someone's place to "watch a movie" implies sex. Actually, any sort of "house date" implies sex.





arnie said:


> Is this true?


I've seen many scenarios with several other girls especially with my sister who went to a guy's place to hang out in general..and it didn't result in anything like this. Do some hangouts at a partners place ensure sex? Perhaps, but not (At least I hope). I'm just going to say that in the long run that the guy lacked respect for me that's all..


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

AllToAll said:


> It's normal. I don't understand why people are saying otherwise.
> 
> As for common, I'm not sure. This is SAS, after all, so it's not like most of us are getting laid or getting the opportunity for one-night stands. I know plenty of people who have had sex on the first date.
> 
> You don't have to "deal with all the creeps." You knew he was one from the start when he kept touching you, yet decided to stay. You also went to his apartment, which means he had planned to have sex with you. You're not an easy target because of your SAD; you're just a bit naive. I'm not saying you should beat yourself up over this, but take this as a learning experience.


I know, being naive is part of the territory for my SA.. especially when it comes to lacking a lot of life experience. I'm not scared to admit that to people either. I'll try not to beat myself over it though. Thanks.



SilentLuke said:


> I don't really understand why you would go to the bedroom if you didn't want sex. also, what do you mean almost? were you guys naked?


No, we didn't get 100% bare naked.After the movie and the dinner, we were just casually talking about pur interests and joking around a good bit..and then BAM thats where things started to get crazy. I wasn't even asked about the idea of getting into it late last night. But before the 100% nakedness happened, I told him no a few times then just walked out.



Miss Noir said:


> If he was really into you has a person, he wouldn't try to bed you so early. A respectful guy looking for a true relationship would take there time to get to know you. Sure physical attraction is part of it too and men get horny but a good guy waits. It's a shame the jerk let you walk home by yourself at 1am. Another reason never ever again to make contact with him.


Thanks. I just wanted to give someone a chance especially for a guy who I did not scare off in less than a week or two due to my social awkwardness and extreme lack of guy/relationship experience.I think I will stick to being single for a while alonger because I sure as hell need to work on myself.


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

Since I have no knowledge or understanding of this subject :lurk.
it does sound strange though, maybe I'm wrong :stu.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

Wait at least 3 months to have sex. Me personally, I wouldn't wanna stick it into someone that just bangs someone on the first or third date.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

I guess I feel a little guilty now for coming over to my friend's house to watch a movie and not have intercourse with him.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

It's not wrong that he tried on the first date. The problem is that he persisted. No means no.



Miss Noir said:


> It's a shame the jerk let you walk home by yourself at 1am. Another reason never ever again to make contact with him.


Men are more likely to be a victim of an assault by a stranger than women are. He's a student living on campus so chances are he probably doesn't have a car either. Why should he walk her home and risk his livelihood for hers or pay for cabfare as if she is more special than him? As if a woman is more valuable than a man. I thought women wanted equality. I'm not going to do a favour like that for a woman unless she does favours for me. It's a give and take. I've been burned before by women who have used me. ie. Paid for a girl's tab on a first date. Only for her to just avoid a second date. If you don't want a second date with a guy, don't leave him with the bill on the first date. That is rude.


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Its normal to have sex when your ready, whether its the first or 101st date its up to you. Kudos on leaving the guy where others would of just caved in. Live and learn, stay safe.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

ratherunique11 said:


> All I was expecting for tonight was just a light/get to know you date..


That sounds pretty normal to me, but only if it doesn't take place in anyone's home. And NO, it's not normal to expect sex from someone you just met in person for the first time ever.



> I think I will stick to being single for a while alonger because I sure as hell need to work on myself.


It's always a good idea to work on yourself, and I always believe that once you more or less like being you having any kind of relationships won't take that much effort.

Good luck.



tayzipporah said:


> I hate to say this because it's something my mom would say  but, going to a guy's place the first time you're meeting him is also kinda dangerous. What if him and his roommate had plans to gang rape you? :blank


Didn't we recently have a case where two 22-year-old MEN were invited to someone's house and murdered by three teenagers and a 24-year-old?

I don't know why I brought it up. The lesson is you can never be too safe, I guess. :stu


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Most of the time it won't lead to a relationship but sometimes it will. I had sex with my 3rd boyfriend after we met at a nightclub (it was Latin night at this place in Kyoto). That relationship lasted 3 years. 

Had sex with my 4th boyfriend on the 2nd meeting but he actually spent the night at my place after we met at this small nightclub. I decided to walk home and he didn't know how far it was. Then mid-way through it started raining hard. Was kind of romantic in a way. So when we got to my place I told him he could just take off his jeans and stuff since they were all wet. He refused for whatever reason. Thinking now it was probably because he wears no underwear. I started getting nauseous from the alcohol and booted him out at 7am or so. That relationship lasted one year.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

The fact that sex should be implied on a house date is just a stupid thing! It pisses me off that you have KNOW it is implied! Sex should NEVER, NEVER be implied. I would smack anyone who says that to me. Bunch of damn entitled men up in this world who think they DESERVE sex. Hell to that!


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## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

Don't set up serious social situations over text. Also don't meet with someone because they're "nice". Nice is easily faked and means nothing in regard to their true personality or intentions.
Sex should be done with someone you have deep feelings for, unless you're both mature and experienced enough to just want to "have fun".


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

TheTraveler said:


> The fact that sex should be implied on a house date is just a stupid thing! It pisses me off that you have KNOW it is implied! *Sex should NEVER, NEVER be implied.* I would smack anyone who says that to me. Bunch of damn entitled men up in this world who think they DESERVE sex. Hell to that!


I agree. Sex should not be implied based on circumstances like location or dinner or drinks or clothing choices or anything.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

Barette said:


> I agree. Sex should not be implied based on circumstances like location or dinner or drinks or clothing choices or anything.


:yes great minds think alike.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Don't know how normal it is but it was normal for me when I was dating. I feel less socially anxious around women after I sleep with them.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

This world is sick and twisted... I was engaged before I had sex, and that was only because we slipped up. We were planning on waiting until marriage.


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## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

On the second date, I asked my current gf (now of over 5 months) to watch a movie at my place, and that's what we did =]. There was some kissing, but that's it.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

^^Well, you're proof to show that not all "house dates" turn out to be too crazy lol. I would have been okay with kissing on the second date too..




rednosereindeer said:


> That sounds pretty normal to me, but only if it doesn't take place in anyone's home. And NO, it's not normal to expect sex from someone you just met in person for the first time ever.
> 
> It's always a good idea to work on yourself, and I always believe that once you more or less like being you having any kind of relationships won't take that much effort.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thought of this situation as being too awkward and crazy based on the posts in here. And yeah, tat's what I'm going to do for now.



Dempsey said:


> Don't set up serious social situations over text. Also don't meet with someone because they're "nice". Nice is easily faked and means nothing in regard to their true personality or intentions.
> Sex should be done with someone you *have deep feelings for*, unless you're both mature and experienced enough to *just want to "have fun".*


I agree with the bold. Those criteria were definitely way off the radar yesterday. I will also take your advice about future any social situations too.


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## Life Aint No Joke (Mar 8, 2013)

arnie said:


> Is this true?





JohnWalnut said:


> That's what I want to know.


*shrug* That's the way I operate.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Life Aint No Joke said:


> To my knowledge, going over to someone's place to "watch a movie" implies sex. Actually, any sort of "house date" implies sex.


yeah

"come watch a movie" alone at night is almost always sex, I thought most people assumed this? and especially on a first meeting, obviously just trying to get it in.

"oh yeah we can just lie on my bed and watch it" lol.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I think that just because a guy wants sex on a first date doesn't mean that all he cares about is getting laid. That said, I'd say that the guy in question only wanted sex since he was pushy.


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## Forwhatiamworth (Mar 3, 2013)

From my personal experience, house dates most always imply sex and if one person is not interested, then it usually ends there because both people aren't on the same page and it wont work out. There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first day so long as no feelings are attached and it is just sex.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

HustleRose said:


> It's normal to have sex when you feel comfortable. That can be the first date just like it can be the 20th.
> 
> You shouldn't feel guilty about doing things with him, but next time if you know that you're not really into him then make a run for it from the start. It's okay to admit to yourself you wanted to do some things and then changed your mind.
> 
> I also agree with taizypporah, it's a really bad idea to go into a guy's house when you don't know him. Thankfully, the guy listened to you and stopped before having intercourse, but that's not going to happen with every guy. Some won't take no for an answer...


this this this this

have sex whenever. and don't feel bad if you enjoy it. but definitely don't be afraid to say no, and try not to get into that situation (being alone with him in house) if you know you don't want to. and definitely be careful, there are some real crappy people out there.


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## bogo153 (Oct 29, 2012)

maybe I'm some crazy prude but the situation you described does not sound normal to me. I would not have sex with a girl until I really trusted her, and that would take a long time. I would also invite a girl over to my place not implying sex. I would also not do this on a first date because that would seem weird.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

when I invite girls back to the hotel or house, it aint to watch movies :teeth


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Whether or not it's normal to have sex on the first date, really depends on the individual woman. Sometimes things progress into a relationship. More often than not, it ends right there with sex. You have to decide whether or not you want to have sex with a guy even though it may be a one-shot deal. 

Since it made you feel ashamed, sex on a first date definately isn't for you. I'm really glad and commend you for getting out of there if you didn't want it. Very brave of you. A lot of SA girls feel obligated if things get that far and end up regretting having sex they didn't want.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Thanks everyone. Despite being a supposedly first date, I also chose not to have sex with him because I was not sure if I could progress with in relationship with a person like that, and I definitely did not have sexual feelings for him at the time in order to do it for "fun". It's been three days now, and I have not received any texts from him since that night.Thats fine by me. 

Sent from my phone with Tapatalk App


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I'm a huge movie nut. If I'm dating somebody (or even just friends with somebody) who is into movies, inviting them for movies at my place is just a comfortable, fun activity where we can get to know each other better in a quiet place. With that being said, I would never invite a woman over to my place for a first date.

But just wanted to say that 'movie at my place' does not _always_ equal sex. Maybe it's just because I'm such a movie geek though.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I used to think it was completely fine and honestly it's because I wanted to get laid and chicks that would put out on the first date seemed really cool.

But now I actually find it a pretty big turn-off. If a girl is willing to do anything more than a quick kiss on the first date I'll usually move on to someone else. She doesn't even know me yet, why the hell would she want to sleep with me? It just makes me think that once we are a couple she'd do the same thing to other guys that she met. "Wow this new guy in my class is really cute and we had a 30 minute conversation in the library! I want to sleep with him. I'm sure my boyfriend won't mind."

Yuck.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

solasum said:


> I think that just because a guy wants sex on a first date doesn't mean that all he cares about is getting laid.


Quite true.


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