# How I improved my social anxiety



## RestrictedSoul (Nov 14, 2013)

In the past couple months, I've been working on improving my social anxiety and a lot has changed for me. For example, I'm taking a summer class currently with people I have never met before and in two weeks, I already made 3 solid friends, more than I've made in my whole high school career so far.  And within this week, all 3 of them have messaged me, sent me pictures, and I was even invited to a birthday party of one of them. These kinds of things never happen to me, but now they are and it's so great!  Especially when I reminisce back to all the times at school that I've felt friendless and alone, which is most of the time, and terrible awkward social situations. I feel like those are gone for me now, and I want to give some tips to help others get the same relief:
1. FOCUS ON HAVING A GOOD TIME. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough. When in a social situation, such as a party or work, focus on enjoying yourself when communicating with others rather than impressing them or becoming friends. Your goal should be to have fun, not to impress; essentially. I know this is easier said than done because we often subconsciously seek to impress people because of our insecurities or feelings of inferiority. Just know that it does not matter whether you impress them or not, if they like you or not; their opinion of you does not matter. Focus on fun, and others will sense that and gravitate towards you.
2. TAKE RISKS. With risks, you can either win or learn! You never lose! Therefore, take them! Not sure if you should go talk to that cute or interesting guy/girl sitting all by themselves, GO FOR IT! Even if it ends up being a disaster, it leaves you with some experience for next time and material to reflect on to become better and more aware.
3. CONFRONT YOUR FEARS. This goes hand in hand with taking risks. Push yourself. Hit rock bottom if you must!!! Because once you do, and you see that you're fine, that you'll still survive, that there's still hope, that you haven't been permanently damaged or crushed; you will lose fear and thus, anxiety! It will hurt, so so much; but afterwards, you won't fear anything because you'll feel more prepared and comfortable with even the possibility of something like that happening again. Just reflect on the experience, learn from it, and move forward. 
4. REALIZE PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A ****! They really don't. They won't remember if you say something wrong, if you slip up, if you make mistakes. And even if they do remember it, chances are they won't care, it won't mean anything to them. Or they will understand, and so with understanding, not care. Or they will relate, and think you're even more awesome for making a mistake. Vulnerability is cute. :3 Because it's human. People will not remember exactly what you said or did, but _what people remember is how you made them feel._ So by focusing on having a good time, you'll have fun, make them feel fun, and in turn, they'll remember you with happy, excited feelings and want to be your friend.
5. DO NOT THINK, JUST DO. We chronically over-think. Turning "What if's" in our head. Cut that out. *Expect nothing, neither good or bad*. Just go. Do. The present is what matters. To keep out of your head, look at your surroundings. Ponder them, not yourself.

This is what I had to do in order to change everything. Yes, by the end of it, I was stammering on the phone, making a complete fool of myself with a guy I liked, and then crying from embarrassment afterwards; but I learned from it, and it was a very valuable experience that I do not regret. What I would have regretted though is not taking a chance. Without that frightening experience, I would not be able to make the friends I did today. Therefore, with these five tips in mind, put yourself out there and relax and be you and learn and grow and succeed. It's not easy, I know, from years of social anxiety, but it can be done. It's all about your attitude and perspective.


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## irshad (Jul 2, 2014)

Good solution for SA
But still we require to get motivated and pushed to front by ourself in social demanding situations


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## RestrictedSoul (Nov 14, 2013)

irshad said:


> Good solution for SA
> But still we require to get motivated and pushed to front by ourself in social demanding situations


Definitely, motivation is a factor. For me, the motivation was that I had reached the breaking point with my social anxiety and was tired of being held back by it. I wanted friends and to talk to a boy so bad that I would risk dealing with all my social fears to get to it. Risk making a fool of myself and everything to accomplish my goal. I think it's important to determine *what do you want* and *why do you want it* in order to create a goal for yourself to gain that motivation to push yourself. Forget about whether you feel capable of accomplishing the goal (because often our insecurities get in the way of us even making such goals because we feel they're unattainable), just go for it and you'll surprise yourself.


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## schen5 (Apr 27, 2014)

So true, everything you said and thats exactly what I've been moving towards for the past few days....its hard to keep up the motivation to keep pushing yourself into the unknown but I just keep telling myself that all of my happiness, all of my future success can be unlocked by taking the hardest path. And I push myself through with some inspirational music...just epic enough to get me going but not epic enough to make me want to sit and just listen/ inflate my ego. 

One thing I've found helpful which is related to having a good time is to just take yourself out of the equation entirely.... to focus on everything around you except for your own thoughts and feelings-- these should come out naturally from the heart, not the brain

Your advice has just given me the motivation to push even harder going into the future knowing that I am not alone in this path. Thank you


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## RestrictedSoul (Nov 14, 2013)

schen5 said:


> So true, everything you said and thats exactly what I've been moving towards for the past few days....its hard to keep up the motivation to keep pushing yourself into the unknown but I just keep telling myself that all of my happiness, all of my future success can be unlocked by taking the hardest path. And I push myself through with some inspirational music...just epic enough to get me going but not epic enough to make me want to sit and just listen/ inflate my ego.
> 
> One thing I've found helpful which is related to having a good time is to just take yourself out of the equation entirely.... to focus on everything around you except for your own thoughts and feelings-- these should come out naturally from the heart, not the brain
> 
> Your advice has just given me the motivation to push even harder going into the future knowing that I am not alone in this path. Thank you


I am so glad to help!  And I applaud your determination and motivation!! :clap
And yes, you're absolutely right, taking yourself out of the equation is excellent and works wonders!  Focus on the beautiful world around you and engagement comes naturally.


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