# Can Men and Women be "just friends"?



## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

So I watched When Harry met Sally. Great movie. But a point it brought up is that an attractive man cannot be "just friends" with an attractive woman. That is if two people find each other attractive then they can't just be friends and there will be something more involved. Sooo

*The question is:* Do you think a man and woman who find each other attractive can be "just friends"? Or are they bound to be something more at some point or another?

*Important!:* It is important to note that if only one of the two people finds the other attractive then they can of course be "just friends" because it is not mutual attraction. The issue is purely with two people who both find each other attractive.


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

NO, i dont think that two attractive ppl can be just friends at all. Too much sexual attraction. Even if one is in a relationship i think that there woud still be an attraction


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## roughh (Aug 2, 2011)

I had a (best) friend and there was always a weird tension between us. He asked me to be his gf and I declined, because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Then we hated all of each other's gf's/bf's and now we're not even friends. So I guess the answer is no.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

yes.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

short answer: yes.

long answer:







*YES*...it's happening right now, somewhere, out there... xBillion!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I am close friends with a girl who was single up until recently and tbh there was never tension or anything, we knew where we stood with eachother. I think it has a lot to do with both personalities and an understanding with where things lie between both parties.


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## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

Men and women are allowed to be friends, yes.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

I think they can as long as they're not attracted to each other. Also someone being good-looking doesn't always mean you'll be attracted to them. Personality has a lot to do with attraction, some people I could never see as anything more than a friend.


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## NobodysPerfect (May 22, 2011)

Yeah you can if there's a mutual understanding the other won't cross that line. It doesn't have to be a discussion, you just know I think. I have been friends with exs in the past, met with them and not crossed that line again, despite there obviously being physically attracted to them. To me there's a difference between seeing someone as attractive and actually fancying them. I think, however, even if I did fancy a male friend, I could keep my set restraint not to make a move if I thought it would complicate things or of I was already dating someone. I can appreciate another womans beauty (I'm straight) and see her as attractive and have a friend be close to me, ie lay on me, sleep over etc without being sexually intimate with her or fancying her, so I don't see why you can't do the same with a guy friend you think is attractive but not want to act or feel the need to act on it sexually. Maybe I'm a bit naive but I don't think just because an attractive male friend wants to be close to me as a friend that, that means he sees me in a sexual light, necessarily sees me in a sexual light or wants to cross that boundary. It is possible to see someone as attractive or appreciate attractive features on someone but them not be your type I think. People of the same level of attraction don't necessarily fancy each other even if others would deem them equally attractive as each other. Of course I've had male friends that have crossed that line of friendship but I've also experienced male friendship where they haven't made a move on me, even if, we say are the same level of physical attractiveness or in the same league so to speak.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Well going with your premise that both parties find the other sexually attractive, isn't that the basis for a relationship ?

If a man and a woman mutually find each other sexually attractive, then unless one of them has SA ... the relation will turn sexual (or end in frustration for 1 or the other).

But if the two, are both in separate relationships, or for whatever reason mutually not sexually attracted to each other .... then sure.

P.S. if only one party finds the other sexually attractive, then its not truly 'just friends' but more one-sided.


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## Alduriam (Jun 30, 2011)

I personally do not believe they can be "just friends".

But that of course is based on my view of mariage and the fact that one should only be emotional towards his spouse.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I think sometimes they can but mostly i'm wary of guys that are trying to befriend girls or vice versa. When i'm in a relationship for instance i'm not really bothered about having female friends and if i was to make a conscious effort then i would know deep down that i would be doing it to give myself options. In fact my previous girlfriend befriended a guy a few months before our relationship ended and is now in a relationship with him. So in short sometimes it can be totally innocent but mostly i think it leads to cheating.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

Seen two people that were secretly attracted to each other actually be friends. If there's a level of acceptance on both sides then the friendship can happen. But if either one of them just has to have the other person, things can get a little tricky.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

I have more male friends than female so I would say yes. It helps if one person (or both) has a significant other - the line is clear. If not, well, sometimes it might require clarity. Even for those where one person feels something and the other doesn't, so long as the boundaries are clear it's possible so long as that person doing the feeling understands and is able to move on. These friends of mine are attractive guys and they've told me the same thing (to reply directly to the original post) but it doesn't have to go anywhere.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Yeah but it depends on the people.


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## this portrait (Jul 18, 2009)

I believe it's possible. I'm in that situation right now at the moment. However, I am still attracted to my former b/f (in more ways than just physical). I don't know about him, though. We've been talking since the break-up, but haven't seen each other yet. We plan on seeing each other some time tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how that goes.

Hopefully, there won't be any awkward tension from here on out.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

It's possible, sure.

Friendship compatibility and relationship compatibility are two different things. If you know yourself well enough, and have enough experience with relationships (and friendships), it's possible to tell the difference. It's possible to find someone physically attractive without necessarily desiring to be in a relationship with them, while still getting along with that person well enough to be friends.

Of course it's not going to work out all the time, but taking an absolute view that men and women _can't_ be friends is only good for creating self-fulfilling prophecies.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

piscesvixen said:


> I have a close male friend (lets call him G) who I think is very attractive, but we've always been just friends. We've been on lots of road trips together and even sleep on the same bed in hotel rooms and nothing ever happens.
> 
> ....So I was *really *surprised at myself when I got upset when my friend R was telling me a story about G and a prostitute. Apparently G gave her a lift on a rainy day cause she was asking for directions and he was heading down the same way too. I stopped the story and asked, "DID HE SLEEP WITH HER?!" and R laughed and said, "No, he didn't! She told him that they could do it right there and then in his backseat and he actually said that he doesn't have time for it! And that he has to catch a hockey game" :lol :lol LMAO. Also, when we're at bars and women are hitting on him and practically throwing themselves at him, I feel uncomfortable witnessing it. But it's not fair that he always hear me talking about guys I'm dating, so why am I getting hysterical about him and other women?
> 
> ...


I can't help wondering if that's going to go somewhere, someday.


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## Cheeky (Apr 1, 2009)

Most of my friends are guys - I just seem to get along better with them & have more in common. I find they're easier to talk to. So yes, I definitely think it's possible. Once, one turned into a FWB for a while though... but it was amazing, no regrets there


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

No. Because I'll want to screw her someday. And she will most likely decline any idea of the sort. 

I don't have female friends.


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## mrbojangles (Oct 8, 2009)

There have been girls I've been romantically interested to in the past, but upon getting to know them I'd realize that we'd be better off as friends. There are some people you just don't click with in that way. Who is to say that one of those people can't be female? I think anyone who thinks otherwise is doing themselves a great disservice and missing out on forming some really good friendships.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Sorry to be so black and white, but no. I have girl friends but they're lesbians. lol

OK, let me rephrase, maybe other men and women can be "just friends", but I always develop some form of attachment. Haha.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

Yes I beleive it's possible


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## luceo (Jan 29, 2011)

It most certainly is possible. I'm male and have several female friends, two of whom I am incredibly close to. Probably closer to them than I am to any of my male friends. Sure, I think they're both very attractive people, but I have absolutely no interest in anything more or anything different than what we already have and I know they think the same.

I have trouble understanding the logic behind the reasoning that there are no real male/female friendships. Is there actually even logic there? Sure _you_ might not be able to handle friendships with the opposite sex, but to say it's impossible is just dumb and short-sighted.


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

Yes, I'd say most of my friends now are guys so if they all viewed me as something more then I'm in a bit of trouble. At least up for some awkward times. Thankfully they don't. I'm not really one to actively seek romance and it's nice just to have friends I have things in common with.








<---------------Also check out my post count :O (666 since I will no doubt post again soon)


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror (Aug 15, 2011)

:O


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## Cole87 (Aug 15, 2011)

I have more female friends then male, ( its my choice ) I just find female friends want to chat more and are easier to chat with about anything, all online that is. All my female friends are very cute for sure. So yes guys can be friends with females for sure.


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## jwyatt123 (Jul 24, 2011)

Communities, families and nations survive on the man and woman friendship. Of course women have female friends and women also have male friends. Women need both.

It is not so questionable in the world today.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

I tried to be friends with females before but it does not work. Maybe it is me or maybe it is her... or maybe it is that relationships always start by being friends first. 

Those males that have female “friends” what do you talk about. The latest fashion or about football and guns. 

I would not like it if my GF had a male “friend” though.


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## UniversalPolymath (Jun 3, 2011)

Alduriam said:


> But that of course is based on my view of mariage and the fact that one should only be emotional towards his spouse.


...What?


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

fatelogic said:


> Those males that have female "friends" what do you talk about. The latest fashion or about football and guns.


um, interests you have in common?


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I can. Whether you or anyone else I meet can depends on them and is not my problem.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

No, I don't think so. I mean, if they're attracted to each other, and they're friends, then what's stopping them from being in a relationship? If it were just a man and a woman, then I'd say sure, but if you add attraction to the picture, then I think it complicates things. 

Well, now that I think about it, I guess they could be just friends, if they shared virtually everything together and treated each other like siblings.


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## Godless1 (Aug 1, 2008)

There is a difference between finding someone physically attractive and being attracted to someone. Obviously, two good looking people can be friends, otherwise bisexuals would be incapable of having good looking friends. *However, if you are genuinely attracted to someone, I don't believe it is healthy to be "just friends".*


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> um, interests you have in common?


 who is a better friend to a female?

A- a female that has more common interest with another female?

B- or a male that has the least common interest with a female?

Are you sure you are being friends with a female because you have common interests and not because you want to get in her pants.

Pretend you meet an 80 year old grandma that has the same interest as you do, you two have something in common... would you be "friends" with her? Just wondering.

I just find that if any guy out there that wants to be a females friend is either a gay guy or a guy that wants to get in her pants.


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## Tipa (Aug 13, 2011)

Technically yes, but it's INSANELY hard/uncommon.

I used to think it wasn't a big deal. My Best friend was a guy and it seemed just fine...

... and now he is my boyfriend of 9 months lol


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I could be really attracted to her and she could be very obviously into me, and nothing would happen and we'd just be friends, unfortunately. Being more than friends is difficult, scary and complicated.

Anyway most of my friends are women, and I don't feel romantic attraction to them. I know that wasn't the original question but as usual others are trotting out their silly idea that it's impossible for a guy to not be romantically interested in a woman.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

fatelogic said:


> who is a better friend to a female?
> 
> A- a female that has more common interest with another female?
> 
> B- or a male that has the least common interest with a female?


um, the one she gets along with more? why are these the only two options? :stu



> Pretend you meet an 80 year old grandma that has the same interest as you do, you two have something in common... would you be "friends" with her? Just wondering.


i don't know? maybe? it's not as if i ever said that friendships are solely based on common interests.



> Are you sure you are being friends with a female because you have common interests and not because you want to get in her pants.
> 
> I just find that if any guy out there that wants to be a females friend is either a gay guy or a guy that wants to get in her pants.


...and we're back to implying bisexual people can't have friends.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> um, the one she gets along with more? why are these the only two options?


 because there is a little thing called universal "laws".

Has there been a study that shows statistics that males benefit in having females friends or the opposite? "evolution" only goes after what benefits. If not, my prediction is that males only benefit if their female friends become their partners... unless the male is gay or the female is bi or tomboyish. Statistics speak the truth.

IOW, sure a male can be friends with a female... but how many males out there have female "friends"? Logically, I would estimate less than 20%... unless their friend is their lover... then the percentage quadruples.



> i don't know? maybe? it's not as if i ever said that friendships are solely based on common interests.


 I'm not speaking just based on what you said, I am speaking based on logic and experience.

Friendships, relationships, attraction, starts with common interest. When have you seen a fat guy have a skinny girlfriend or be married to a female that is conscious about health nutrition?

So there is a possibility that you may be confused about being friends with a female.

How would you benefit by being a females friend?

Or, to put it in another way, why would you want to be a females friend? what would motivate you to be her friend? if it is just common interest, i am sure you have fat, skinny, young, old, ugly, pretty, and mentally challenged female friends.



> ...and we're back to implying bisexual people can't have friends.


 no! this is not even about bisexual people.. so you are the only one who is "back" on implying. That is your common issue.

This is about a straight male and a straight female possibly being friends.


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## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

*End of Discussion*



fatelogic said:


> because there is a little thing called universal "laws".
> [etc.]
> How would you benefit by being a females friend?


I'm not entirely sure how to address this.

The assumption you are making is that males wouldn't benefit from female friends unless they have the possibility for reproduction. Then you say unless they are gay or something. But then wouldn't that also imply that there wouldn't be much reason for a man to be friends with a gay guy unless he was also gay? (not necessarily a problem but something you must consider if you are looking at statistics and numbers)

The largest problem i see here is that you are saying friendship is based on obtaining something from someone else. (need fulfillment) Now I agree with that but then you suggest that you can't gain anything from female relationships except sex if you are a heterosexual male. Or rather that is the only benefit. But what is it that one gets from a platonic relationship with another man? Or a woman gets from another woman? And where the do my relationships with my sisters sit in this case? I think you are reducing things too much in this instance. But it is a good starting point to do further studies i would imagine.

So I think you're wrong, speaking from my own logic and experience.  But I do appreciate the controversial discussion. It's good for helping one think deeper into a topic.

Also I would like your sources for my own inquiries if possible.

On another note, if you are addressing the issue of being "attractive", in the sense of finding one another attractive, and being "just friends" well I can't really go into that without first defining what it means to be attractive or attracted to another.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

All I know for sure is that *I* can't.

- If the girl is attractive in any way and has a good personality, then I'll start wanting to be more than friends upon spending time with her. (It's practically a formula for a lot of us guys: attractive + compatible/good personality = romantic and sexual interest, and it's really that simple. Girls typically seem to be more stringent and require "chemistry" or whatever you call it).

- If the girl is unattractive, then to be brutally honest, I'm not really even interested in being friends with her in the true sense of the word. Sure, I might get along with her and enjoy talking with her in a group setting. Now, if there were more girls who actually shared my interests and lifestyle, then perhaps this would be different. But insofar as I can tell, virtually none do, attractive or not.

- If the girl is attractive but mean/gossipy/stupid, then I want nothing to do with her.

All in all, I think fatelogic is on the right track with his post above, just perhaps a bit too absolute since there are exceptions to just about everything in nature.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

fatelogic said:


> because there is a little thing called universal "laws".


of course. i must have forgotten the law of you-can't-have-opposite-sex-friends-if-you're-both-straight. :bash



> Has there been a study that shows statistics that males benefit in having females friends or the opposite?


do you really need a study to conclude that HAVING FRIENDS IS GOOD?



> "evolution" only goes after what benefits.


uh okay great



> If not, my prediction is that males only benefit if their female friends become their partners... unless the male is gay or the female is bi or tomboyish.


*ahem* i've been doing a cost analysis and i've found that having you as a friend is of little benefit to me. with that in mind, i'm afraid that i have little choice but to let you go. i would be happy to write a letter of recommendation to any of your future friends.



> Statistics speak the truth.


what ****ing statistics?



> IOW, sure a male can be friends with a female... but how many males out there have female "friends"? Logically, I would estimate less than 20%...


what ****ing logic?



> unless their friend is their lover... then the percentage quadruples.
> 
> I'm not speaking just based on what you said, I am speaking based on logic and experience.


asdglrkgpfe



> Friendships, relationships, attraction, starts with common interest.


yes, i'm sure this helps.



> When have you seen a fat guy have a skinny girlfriend or be married to a female that is conscious about health nutrition?


um, quite a few times?



> So there is a possibility that you may be confused about being friends with a female.





> How would you benefit by being a females friend?


pretty much the same way you benefit by being a male's friend!



> Or, to put it in another way, why would you want to be a females friend? what would motivate you to be her friend? if it is just common interest, i am sure you have fat, skinny, young, old, ugly, pretty, and mentally challenged female friends.


i would want to be a female's friend because i like people and sometimes want to be around them????



> no! this is not even about bisexual people.. so you are the only one who is "back" on implying. That is your common issue.
> 
> This is about a straight male and a straight female possibly being friends.


so why is it so different for het people? does anyone attracted to the same sex suddenly not have a raging friendship-disabling libido?


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Why do these conversations have to be so hetero-centric anyway? Sigh.


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## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

You're the only one who's back on implying, Tips. It's your common issue, and I don't think you can argue with that logic.

That said, I'm pretty sure that people of all genders and sexual orientations are allowed to be friends with people of all other genders and sexual orientations.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Haha, smurfy, you made me laugh at out loud.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

anomalous said:


> All I know for sure is that *I* can't.
> 
> - If the girl is attractive in any way and has a good personality, then I'll start wanting to be more than friends upon spending time with her. (It's practically a formula for a lot of us guys: attractive + compatible/good personality = romantic and sexual interest, and it's really that simple. Girls typically seem to be more stringent and require "chemistry" or whatever you call it).


Couldn't be more accurate.

Spending time alone with a girl who doesn't want to have sex with me will *ONLY* create unanswered sexual frustrations. Women don't see the deal because they aren't the ones deprived of sexual activity, they mostly aren't interested in it with their guy friends, so where's the issue for them?

And no, women can't teach you how to get women, they don't even know what attracts them. And if you aren't good for them, you probably won't be good enough for their friends either, that's female psychology.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

not really, unless the man is in a relationship or gay.

That is not to say a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman can't be friends, but _just_ friends is a bit much, there will always be some trace of sexual tension (well, unless she's real ugly).


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## Daniel87 (Aug 15, 2011)

Lol this reminds me of reverend lovejoy. 

"-Short answer, YES with an IF; long answer NO with a BUT"


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

fingertips, 

would you allow your girlfriend to have male friends? 

If yes, give me a scenario how would that work. I can say many how that would not work 

her: "be right back baby. I'm going to the mall with johnny and octopus hands joe."
you: :mum

Or for that matter, do you think females would allow their boyfriends to have female friends?

If yes, give me a scenario how would that work.... 

you: "be right back baby. I'm going to the mall with the big easy angelina and hot miranda"
her: :mum


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## Tipa (Aug 13, 2011)

My boyfriend has female friends and I don't care. Even if he has some sort of sexual tension with some of them, i feel it's wrong to expect otherwise. I'm mean he's a guy, and guys are horny lol. He still hasn't done anything to disprove my trust my actually betraying me so I'm cool with it.

And he also lets me have guy friends. It's never been a problem for us. I think people can be 'just friends' if it isn't a super close friendship, or if one of them is already in a relationship. All it takes a little self control, and who would want to date a barbarian anyway?

on another note, Wow, a lot of this feels kind of degrading and judegmental (towards women)... . We can contribute a lot of things you know!


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

I've tried being friends with men, but it never goes the way I want it to. That doesn't include online...I have male friends online with no issues. But, in my experience in the real world, it has never worked out for me, unfortunately.

And, if I'm being really honest, it has always been difficult for me to accept that someone I'm dating is really close friends with another girl.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

fatelogic said:


> fingertips,
> 
> would you *allow* your girlfriend to have male friends?
> 
> ...


_Allow_? Lawl, what kind of controlling relationship are you imagining here, how does one prevent one's partner having friends of the opposite sex. Also my girlfriend has loads of male friends, I'm not insecure enough to think she secretly wants to sleep with all of them - mayhaps they do with her but it aint gonna happen.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I wouldn't be comfortable with my girlfriend having male friends, unless they were homosexual.

Why?

Because I know men.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

fatelogic said:


> fingertips,
> 
> would you allow your girlfriend to have male friends?


why would i have a say in who she chooses to be friends with?



> If yes, give me a scenario how would that work.


hypothetical girlfriend meets man who is not me. they get along. eventually, a friendship develops.

it is entirely possible that from here either of these people may become attracted to the other and that this may slightly complicate things. but i would rather take this risk than to pretend that men and women can't be friends.



> I can say many how that would not work


cool thanks



> Or for that matter, do you think females would allow their boyfriends to have female friends?


um, yes? do you really think this is _so far outside the realm of possibility_?



> If yes, give me a scenario how would that work....


are you asking me how people having friends works???



> her: "be right back baby. I'm going to the mall with jonnhy and octopus hands joe."
> you: :mum


do you live inside a sitcom


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> _Allow_? Lawl, what kind of controlling relationship are you imagining here, how does one prevent one's partner having friends of the opposite sex. Also my girlfriend has loads of male friends, I'm not insecure enough to think she secretly wants to sleep with all of them - mayhaps they do with her but it aint gonna happen.


 you took the whole thing out of context.

So your girlfriend has loads of male friends... hmm I don't even need to look in my crystal ball how that will end up in the long run. Yeah, maybe that will pass in young-love, but when you two move together is when the issue starts to show it's ugly head.

A female only needs one male friend, and that is his boyfriend. The other males are just acquaintance that may try to make a move on your girl.

Do you even have a choice in this... I mean it's hard to believe that that does not bother you.

her: "be right back, going to the beach with joe, peter, casanova, fabio, and fatelogic"
you: "ok baby, have a good time"


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

If you are spending time, alone with a girl, who is attractive. You go out, you hang out talk about everything. What is stopping it from developing into a sexual attraction.

This prolonged platatonic friendship can only continue if;
a) one of the parties is homosexual
or
b) onr or both are in relationships.

And b) is not even a guarantee, because there are too many stories about what happens when Harry spends too much time with his friend Sally, instead of with his wife.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

fatelogic said:


> you took the whole thing out of context.
> 
> So your girlfriend has loads of male friends... hmm I don't even need to look in my crystal ball how that will end up in the long run. Yeah, maybe that will pass in young-love, but when you two move together is when the issue starts to show it's ugly head.
> 
> ...


You've totally opened my eyes, how could I be so blind. I will just go grab my whip and make her stop talking to all other men immediately, so she can get back in the kitchen _where she belongs! _:yes

Seriously, calling my GF promiscuous? Not good. But ah well I think I see where your perpsective on the issue stems from.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

this thread is a perfect example how MOST guys operate http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/guy-trying-to-steal-my-girlfriend-138772/


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> You've totally opened my eyes, how could I be so blind. I will just go grab my whip and make her stop talking to all other men immediately, so she can get back in the kitchen where she belongs!


 There is a middle ground. You make it sound like things just fall in to place by their own. So I have a feeling that you don't have a saying regarding her friends. So the only thing you can do is just live with it. Just don't read what she may be texting (sexting?) to one of her male friends on a regular basis.

If I may have a saying regarding her friends would be because I would love her and because I know what goes through males minds when they get emotionally close to a female.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I am just friends with a guy. Both of us feel more like brother and sister than anything else, so the thought of anything romantic developing is just weird.

That said, I have developed crushes on many male friends/acquaintances.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)




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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Yes they can just be friends.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

fatelogic said:


> There is a middle ground. You make it sound like things just fall in to place by their own. So I have a feeling that you don't have a saying regarding her friends. So the only thing you can do is just live with it. *Just don't read what she may be texting (sexting?) to one of her male friends on a regular basis*.
> 
> If I may have a saying regarding her friends would be because I would love her and because I know what goes through males minds when they get emotionally close to a female.


Ok this is where you stfu 

You clearly are not mature enough to have this debate, so I am not going to argue it with you. Also I'd advise you guard your tongue if you ever want to make those kind of accusations about somebody's partner when you aren't behind the safety of your computer screen.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I'm also uncertain about the ability of men and women to be just friends, but it's not necessarily to do with sex. Men get romantically interested in their female friends without necessarily wanting to sleep with them. Guys in this thread seem to be implying men are just after sex, which is a gross generalization and just furthers the stereotype that men are superficial pigs.

I'm sure some men are able to be friends with women without developing romantic feelings, but for me, and many others, that would be very difficult. I mean, if I were to get to the point where I have a strong connection to a girl and I enjoy her company, how is that fundamentally different from a romantic attachment?


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Ape in space said:


> I'm sure some men are able to be friends with women without developing romantic feelings, but for me, and many others, that would be very difficult. *I mean, if I were to get to the point where I have a strong connection to a girl and I enjoy her company, how is that fundamentally different from a romantic attachment?*


Exactly. It's quite clear that the two genders often differ on this point, which is why women are so dumbfounded by our inability to be "just friends."

For me, it's like... if I like you enough to spend lots of time with you, why _wouldn't_ I want to be romantically and sexually involved?

But somehow it just doesn't work like that for most straight women. I don't understand why any more than women understand why we operate the way Ape and Space just described.


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

no they cant b friends...or maybe they can b friends but for a short time,unless ofcourse they are both nerds,nah..not even like that,and if they get along well they can confuse interesting with love


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Resonance said:


> You've totally opened my eyes, how could I be so blind. I will just go grab my whip and make her stop talking to all other men immediately, so she can get back in the kitchen _where she belongs! _:yes
> 
> Seriously, calling my GF promiscuous? Not good. But ah well I think I see where your perpsective on the issue stems from.


All I can say is, don't confuse insecurity in a relationship with realism, nor confidence/maturity with naivete. I've seen it backfire far too many times. fatelogic may be crass in his delivery, but he has a point.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> Ok this is where you stfu
> 
> You clearly are not mature enough to have this debate, so I am not going to argue it with you. Also I'd advise you guard your tongue if you ever want to make those kind of accusations about somebody's partner when you aren't behind the safety of your computer screen.


 Don't take offense in it, I'm just being realistic. Guys will hit on her a lot and you won't like it (I see this a lot). That is why you have to do hard work in maintaining the relationship strong.

I'm not implying that she is easy or anything like that. What I am implying is that Casanova guys are to blame. So she is more at risk in "giving in" if she has male "friends" that are very persistent. Even if the female is not single.

Also, violence has never helped anyone. That is not very mature. So why don't you just relax guy.


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

fatelogic said:


> this thread is a perfect example how MOST guys operate http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/guy-trying-to-steal-my-girlfriend-138772/


wow..soo u think that guy is imagining stuff?the poor guy is passing thru hell with his first love and u use him as an example.


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

^nah, I was referring to the guys trying to take that poor guys GF.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Yes. I have a few female friends, there's normally some underlying sexual tension at the beginning of a friendship, but there's usually a reason why it doesn't evolve into something more. Once you get past the point of figuring it all out, it's not all that difficult to maintain. Usually one party meets a boyfriend/girlfriend anyway after awhile, and then the closeness dissipates.


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

fatelogic said:


> ^nah, I was referring to the guys trying to take that poor guys GF.


i think ur feminist...cause ur seeing just want u want to see,the girl is as much cheater and wrong as the guy,so ur still not making sense,or maybe u want to say that both sexes like to cheat,


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> i think ur feminist...cause ur seeing just want u want to see,the girl is as much cheater and wrong as the guy,so ur still not making sense,or maybe u want to say that both sexes like to cheat,


 feminist? WTF... I don't know what you mean by that. I don't blame anyone, I'm just being realistic.

I just see females as fragile.... physically and emotionally as well. Lol, I know this sounds bad saying it but males know this subconsciously. And they act upon is subconsciously too.

If a female has a crush on this guy, she will most likely not express her feeling to the guy. But if another guy comes along and makes a move on her... he will make her take her mind off the guy she has a crush on. She will play hard to get at the beginning but eventually "give in" and ignore her crush.

So i'm not blaming anyone, i'm just being realistic.

Nobody likes to cheat... they are influenced by their weak emotions. so I don't know what you mean by that.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

^^ Wow, what a piece of work. -___-


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

I was friends with a girl that I was really attracted to, I think the biggest problem was that no matter how much I tried to deny it, it was always in the back of my mind. She was also really flirty with me, so much so that people who saw us often thought we were dating. At times it kind of annoyed me because it felt like she was just teasing me for the hell of it even though she had a boyfriend and didn't like me in "that way"


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## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

> Not all women are fragile.


ok let me try to change the word.... how about delicate? 

All females are frahh... I mean, delicate because they wear their hearts on their sleeves and easily allow their emotions get the best of them.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

fatelogic said:


> ok let me try to change the word.... how about delicate?
> 
> All females are frahh... I mean, delicate because they wear their hearts on their sleeves and easily allow their emotions get the best of them.


What are you trying to do man ? Get the thread closed ?


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## Tipa (Aug 13, 2011)

fatelogic said:


> ok let me try to change the word.... how about delicate?
> 
> All females are frahh... I mean, delicate because they wear their hearts on their sleeves and easily allow their emotions get the best of them.


As one of the worlds emotionally reserved/logical females, I highly disagree with that statement.


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## sugarcane (Feb 20, 2011)

Not without one of them developing feelings or unless one already has a girlfriend or boyfriend.


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## whiteWhale (Nov 19, 2009)

Some how most people have missed this scientific theory on this topic. http://www.laddertheory.com/


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## emmalin (Aug 18, 2011)

whiteWhale said:


> Some how most people have missed this scientific theory on this topic. http://www.laddertheory.com/


This site almost got me to punsh my screen, seriously I couldn't even finish reading the whole thing. This is so not how women work, at least not all of them, if you want to believe that then fine, but don't start complaining tomorrow that women don't get you.

Also to all those "if she doesn't look a certain way then I don't want to get to knoe her at all" people: Believe it or not, the only time looks really are of importance are when you meet someone, later on you see what you want to see. In my opinion people with that mental attitude you even deserve meeting a great women. It's so superficial. I thought a lot of people here were afraid to be judged or rejected and at the same time you think like that, seriously?!

As to the original question: I really hope so, because I am only having male friends lately and if all those guys turn out to be only trying to get into my pants I am scrued :afr

I wanted to ask one of my male friends to catch a movie when he gets back, thanks to this thread I reconsidered..


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

^ I think that site was supposed to be a joke. At the bottom of the screen it says "LadderTheory.com is part of the Stupidness.com network."

Also your male friends are not necessarily trying to get in your pants - it's just that many men tend to develop a romantic (not necessarily sexual) interest in their female friends. But there are many others who don't, so I wouldn't worry about it unless you get a specific signal from him.


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## emmalin (Aug 18, 2011)

Ape in space said:


> ^ I think that site was supposed to be a joke. At the bottom of the screen it says "LadderTheory.com is part of the Stupidness.com network."
> 
> Also your male friends are not necessarily trying to get in your pants - it's just that many men tend to develop a romantic (not necessarily sexual) interest in their female friends. But there are many others who don't, so I wouldn't worry about it unless you get a specific signal from him.


lol thanks. That's what happens when something makes you so mad that you don't finish the whole thing :teeth


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Thing is, guys don't need more than physical attraction and common interests (It is implied if the two are/can be friends, right?) to develop romantic interest.

Women are a lot more complicated than that, that's why they don't want to date/sleep with most of their male friends.


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## Christa25 (Oct 2, 2010)

My best friends have always been guys. My best friend when I was a wee one was a guy, my best friend in high school was a guy and my two best friends now are guys. 
Of course it's possible. A lot of people find these people attractive, but to me they are just my friends.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

whiteWhale said:


> Some how most people have missed this scientific theory on this topic. http://www.laddertheory.com/


ahahahaha

"scientific"


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## whiteWhale (Nov 19, 2009)

emmalin said:


> lol thanks. That's what happens when something makes you so mad that you don't finish the whole thing :teeth


Oops. I almost put a disclaimer into the post that that wasn't meant to be taken seriously. Didn't mean to offend you, just a bit of a joke of how the subject is viewed by some.



fingertips said:


> ahahahaha
> 
> "scientific"


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## ray910731170 (Aug 4, 2011)

The English word "Friend" is the root cause of the this confusion.
There are different level of friends. I don't think there is a big problem for attractive men and women be causal friends, as long as they don't communicate with each other in an emotional level. It is a different story, if they become closed friends, like Harry and Sally.


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