# Who has to pay on a first date?



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I've heard lots of BS on POF about how men have to _act like gentlemen_ and _prove they can be a good provider_ by paying for the woman.

No matter how old-fashioned you are, I think this is extremely shocking. Men used to pay for women, not because they were women, but because they didn't work and stayed at home. Today, most women work.

I'm taking my girlfriend to the movies tomorrow, and I don't mind paying because I know it's not wasted money. Take notice that I didn't pay for her meal on our first date.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Whoever did the asking.

Simple as that.


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

^^this!!!


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

Dutch. (Each pays for their own.) That way both are equal and neither has "one up" on the other or expects anything in return later on that night.


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## dtripo00 (Apr 26, 2012)

On a first date I would pay just because it's a nice gesture, has nothing to do with showing off or being a gentlemen or the girl not having the money. I would be perfectly fine with a girl offering to pay, but on a first date I would say I got this one maybe you can pick up the bill some other time. It's just being nice, but if the girl insisted on paying I would be fine with that too


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> Whoever did the asking.
> 
> Simple as that.


This, unless otherwise agreed upon.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I always pay on the first date. But it's usually drinks or coffee because I would absolutely never have dinner on a first date.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Whomever did the asking.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I would want the guy to pay for the first date. It's not something I would expect on future dates but please give me this one act of chivalry.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

rymo said:


> I always pay on the first date. But it's usually drinks or coffee because *I would absolutely never have dinner on a first date.*


Well ****. That's exactly what I did the third time I asked a girl out. ****. No wonder she seemed a little evasive. :blush


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I agree with AlltoAll and Perfectionist. Whoever asked should pay.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

northstar1991 said:


> I agree with AlltoAll and Perfectionist. Whoever asked should pay.


Then by this rule I shall never ask.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

If the person who asks has to pay, that means the guy is gonna end up paying most of the time. Since guys almost always are the ones who make the plans... Ideally, I'm not crazy about dating a girl who will put all the date planning on me in the first place though.

I can respect the idea of guy paying on the first date as a "chivalrous" gesture. But I don't expect to be a girl's meal ticket throughout the relationship.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

For a movie, if you both want to see the movie and came to a mutual agreement on which movie to see I'd think you should both pay -- the same as if you were going to a movie with anyone else. If one is dragging the other to a movie the other doesn't want to see then perhaps the person who likes it should pay for both. If asking someone out to some expensive place that they may not know is so expensive then the asker should pay.

Of course, you don't have to do expensive things on dates.


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## luceo (Jan 29, 2011)

I like the 'who asks pays' rule too. Sometimes a compromise can be good, especially if the date is relatively expensive. For example one time I was paying the entry fee but my date didn't want me to pay hers, so we made a deal - I pay entry, she pays for lunch. Another date we made a deal where I'd pay but she gave me a ride home.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I never go on dates, so I'll never have to worry about this problem.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm broke so I usually let the guy pay. If I had a real job then I wouldn't mind paying half. To be honest in the past the guy paid 80-90% of the time. My Japanese ex-boyfriends and various other guys paid for the love hotels too and those cost $100 or more a night.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I do.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Sorry Buddy..but its the men job to pay on date....i dnt say its a tradition but yes it means u r caring for ur lady...

hahaha....BTW its a hilarious wquestion i have ever heard of..


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Well I've only been out on one first date, which he paid for, generally because I had no money and was utterly clueless when it came to catching buses and going out with someone other than my parents xD

These days though, if we're to go to the cinema or something, I have to pay *sigh*


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Nekomata said:


> These days though, if we're to go to the cinema or something, I have to pay *sigh*


Then why bring him? :um


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Milco said:


> Then why bring him? :um


Haha..:teeth 
I neve rimagined myself paying bills.:no.even if I date a guy..i would wish him to pay for me.:yes.except buying gifts would b something I would love to do...

My poor would b boyfriend/husband:teeth:b


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

If I ask someone out on a date I would expect to pay. If they ask me out I would expect them to pay. Failure to do so would make me question whether there would be a second date.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Ashley1990 said:


> Haha..:teeth
> I neve rimagined myself paying bills.:no.even if I date a guy..i would wish him to pay for me.:yes.except buying gifts would b something I would love to do...
> 
> My poor would b boyfriend/husband:teeth:b


Don't get me wrong. I think the bill should absolutely be split.
If one is always stuck paying for the other, then I don't see what the point is (although you do of course pay more if there's a substantial difference in disposable income).


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Milco said:


> Don't get me wrong. I think the bill should absolutely be split.
> If one is always stuck paying for the other, then I don't see what the point is (although you do of course pay more if there's a substantial difference in disposable income).


Yep I think u r right.:teeth...i would try to have a big heart for him...:yes


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

First date - Whoever does the asking, then split 50/50 any subsequent date after that. If one of you has absolutely no income then the person with income will have to pay, that's obvious. Just make sure the date isn't going to be ridiculously expensive.

And there's no reason a man should be expected to pay for everything in a society where most women make their own money. If he does pay for everything, he's not a "gentlemen", he's a chump who's setting himself up to be pu$$y whipped for the rest of his life. Stand up for yourselves, guys. Equal rights = equal responsibility. No excuses.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Ashley1990 said:


> Sorry Buddy..but its the men job to pay on date....i dnt say its a tradition but yes it means u r caring for ur lady...
> 
> hahaha....BTW its a hilarious wquestion i have ever heard of..


Why would I care for a lady I'm going out with for the first time?
You know, those little attentions must be deserved, and I'm sorry, but being a woman isn't a justifiable reason for me to pay.


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## KiwiGirl (Nov 13, 2011)

My man pays for what I ****ing want anytime. That's the way it should be.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

The bill should be split, each time.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> And there's no reason a man should be expected to pay for everything in a society where most women make their own money. If he does pay for everything, he's not a "gentlemen", he's a chump who's setting himself up to be pu$$y whipped for the rest of his life. Stand up for yourselves, guys. Equal rights = equal responsibility. No excuses.


I loved this post. :clap


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

If a ***** suggests going somewhere ***** better pay for herself. If I ask them out to some place then I'll pay, lol.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

whoever asks, but it's always nice when either party offer to pay for half.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> And there's no reason a man should be expected to pay for everything in a society where most women make their own money. If he does pay for everything, he's not a "gentlemen", he's a chump who's setting himself up to be xxxxx whipped for the rest of his life. Stand up for yourselves, guys. *Equal rights = equal responsibility.* No excuses.


I agree, especially with the bolded part.



KiwiGirl said:


> My man pays for what I ****ing want anytime. That's the way it should be.


4/10
You really had me going there for a while, but in retrospect the trolling was a little too obvious.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

mysterioussoul said:


> whoever asks, but it's always nice when either party offer to pay for half.


I would agree with this. If I do the asking, I would expect to pay for both. If I'm asked, I would assume we'd go Dutch unless the other person insisted on paying for both of us (which I would hope they would do out of politeness ).


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

CourtneyB said:


> Dutch. (Each pays for their own.) That way both are equal and neither has "one up" on the other or expects anything in return later on that night.


Is dat echt zo?

Not sure, krijg je dan geen awkward moment?

==

Really?

Not sure, won't you get an awkward moment?


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

rdrr said:


> I do.


You need to show some more of that generosity next time!


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Define Me said:


> Is dat echt zo?
> 
> Not sure, krijg je dan geen awkward moment?
> 
> ...


I really ought to learn Dutch some day. I speak German, and I had no problem understanding that. Dutch should be a piece of cake


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Witan said:


> I really ought to learn Dutch some day. I speak German, and I had no problem understanding that. Dutch should be a piece of cake


Hopefully the other way around as well; thinking of learning German. Lol.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I think it should be 50/50. I guess I can see why it would be polite on the part of the person who arranged the date to offer to cover the costs of the other person, but I would always feel uncomfortable letting someone pay for me, so if I were in that situation I would thank them but still cover my own half.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Considering that women make their own money these days and young women tend to make as much money as young men, I think it's messed up if a girl expects a guy to pay for dates all/most of the time. It's only until women start having kids and sacrificing their career to an extent for their family that you start to see a noticeable wage gap. And by then, you're either cohabitating in a committed long-term relationship or married. I make only $22k per year working a job within my field (something that requires a college education to boot) and I'm willing to bet most girls my age (if I dated a girl in school, might be a different story) make more than me. I would like to make more money. But there are a lot more applicants than there are jobs in my field. So if someone offers you a job, even if it's crap pay, you take it. Young men have been hit very hard by this recession. Moreso than women.

The first date is a symbolic gesture that I can understand. Otherwise this is sexism masquerading as chivalry.

I want to make a comment about that girl that said that her boyfriend pays for everything for her and that this is the way it should be. But I'm afraid that being honest would get me banned so I'll keep it to myself. Plus I don't know what her situation is like exactly. If she's a Betty Crocker housewife, then I guess him "taking care of her" financially and her taking care of the domestic front is a fair trade. But I somehow doubt it. Just a feeling...


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Easy. Do something that's free. Then nobody has to pay.


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## Arterius (Apr 3, 2012)

You're a douchebag if you have the girl pay.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

The guy :b


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## LordScott (Apr 9, 2012)

I say us the guys pay. woman shouldn't have to pay because they're the ones with the allmighty boobs


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## Param0re (Apr 11, 2012)

Never been on one but I'd like to pay.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Easy. Do something that's free. Then nobody has to pay.


This.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

today's movies are such garbage that paying to watch is exactly a waste of money


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would pay for the first date.


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## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

I would pay even if she offered.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

What about when two guys go out on a date, or when 2 girls go out? Conundrum.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rdrr said:


> What about when two guys go out on a date, or when 2 girls go out? Conundrum.


The less attractive or more desperate one pays maybe?


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

rdrr said:


> What about when two guys go out on a date, or when 2 girls go out? Conundrum.


Same rules as mixed sexes: Split 50/50, And if only one person has a job, they pay. Easy.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> Whoever did the asking.
> 
> Simple as that.


'


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> And there's no reason a man should be expected to pay for everything in a society where most women make their own money. If he does pay for everything, he's not a "gentlemen", he's a chump who's setting himself up to be pu$$y whipped for the rest of his life. Stand up for yourselves, guys. Equal rights = equal responsibility. No excuses.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

komorikun said:


> The less attractive or more desperate one pays maybe?


Lol, I like your thinking


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Out of the dates i went on i always paid for the first round of drinks. Then the girl always insisted on paying for the second round. Would never go for a meal on a first date either.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Boy
and till the last alsohahhaa


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

The man should always offer to pay but if she wants to pick up the tab once in a while, fine.

But, if *she* asks the man out, then probably she should pay, at least on the first date anyway.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I am old fashioned and prefer the guy pays on the first date. Maybe it's my low self esteem that if a guy doesn't pay, he doesn't like me or don't care for a relationship.  Anyways, if he doesn't then well depending how much I like him I'd give him a chance again. He can't be rude about not wanting to pay on the first date. I would want the guy to pay eventually for future dates if I had to pay the first. Take turns is best or 50/50. I don't want to pay every single time.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> Same rules as mixed sexes: Split 50/50, And if only one person has a job, they pay. Easy.


I agree. Or at the most split if the the one person has a job. I've dated guys with no income that could afford to buy food, otherwise how would they usually survive?


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

rdrr said:


> What about when two guys go out on a date, or when 2 girls go out? Conundrum.





Amocholes said:


> If I ask someone out on a date I would expect to pay. If they ask me out I would expect them to pay. Failure to do so would make me question whether there would be a second date.


Must use common sense. Something which is in short supply in today's world.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Both pay equals, however both wouldnt mind paying extra for something (like if they have their money out and your at the bar they will say they will buy the drinks, and the other way round)


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Guys should. Sorry but that's just how it is. I can see sometimes each paying for their own **** but I think the guy should most of the time. Here come all the guys to ***** at me now


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Arterius said:


> You're a douchebag if you have the girl pay.


I agree. I've dated guys who asked ME to go see a ****ing movie and **** and then they turned their back and expected me to pay. For their ticket and food and ****. ****ing losers!!!!


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I believe men have to pay on the first date, but a woman can also pay on the first date if she wanted to. On my first date, my date expected me to pay for his movie ticket and I don't know why, but that really offended me. He was the worst date I'v ever had so there was no second date after that. Luckily, I did go on other dates with guys who were gentlemen towards me...well... kind of.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Ha she better pay for herself I'll only pay for my expenses, chivalry can burn in a fire.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Why is it so important who pays for what? That shouldn't matter at all.

I mean, if you're taking someone out I would think it's kind of unfair to expect the other person to pay. It's called being polite.

To me, it's not a guy/girl thing as much as it is a polite thing to do.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

And after reading this thread and many others on here, I'm totally glad I'm not dating some of the obvious douches on here. This doesn't go for everyone, of course... just certain ones. Haha


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i guess im old fashioned but i think the guy should. my ex and i split the bill on our first date and i didn't really care (heck i stayed with him for 6 years) but it did kind of rub me the wrong way a bit.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

First date I think should be the guy more so if the date went well, it just makes a girl feel special. After that I would take it in turns. With my boyfriend I usually have to tell the cashier not to take his money as he usually likes to pay. I drive a small distance to see him and he uses that excuse to pay for me.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

Having dated both men and women, I'm pretty sure I've never paid for a date. I would if they hesitated to grab the check.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I believe the first date, the man should pay. That is being a gentleman.

However, the following dates, one or the other can pay for full, or they can split the bill. That is how I feel as a liberal.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Shauna The Dead said:


> Guys should. *Sorry but that's just how it is.*


You know, people could have said the exact same thing before women got equal rights.

"Oh, you want equal rights? No can do. Sorry but that's just how it is."

Not to start an argument, but I hate when people use that excuse to force people into their gender roles.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> You know, people could have said the exact same thing before women got equal rights.
> 
> "Oh, you want equal rights? No can do. Sorry but that's just how it is."
> 
> Not to start an argument, but I hate when people use that excuse to force people into their gender roles.


I don't give a **** how you think.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think the reason why guys usually pay is because that is one way to prove that you are truly interested. Can also do that by going out multiple times and spending time on the woman. Generally it is easier for women to get a date but the thing is so many guys are out to waste your time. They only want to get laid and their whole goal in life is to put in as little effort (money, time, etc.) as possible for as much sex as possible with a variety of women. So one way to to weed these guys out is to make them put in effort.


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## ty44 (Jul 29, 2012)

The guy pays. I don't know why, but that is the way it is and I find it weird otherwise. Unless the girl is super rich or something.


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## DefendAll (Jul 12, 2012)

well if your asking me then ill assume u got it but ill always bring money just incase i aint tryna wash no dishes


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Just enjoy the date and stop worrying.
If the question of who should pay is such an issue, you really shouldn't be going out in the first place.
I don't mind paying and I like to show people I care about a nice time, but some of the replies in this thread just seem like exploitation to be honest.
When there are so many threads on equality, it's strange that people still think so traditionally when it comes to this.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

To be fair its pretty dumb to think the guy should always have to pay for dates... Why should he? The b1tch could be a total money grabber who thinks "Yea I dont like the guy, but its a free meal, drinks and anything else I fancy".

I always offer to pay for everything on a date but if the girl lets me, I start to have doubts. Like would I really want to be with someone who is happy to empty my wallet?? If she at least offers to pay for some of it after I have said about paying for whatever we are doing then its an obvious sign shes into me and shes worth it.


Maybe its the old fashioned way where the guy pays for everything.... But if you are thinking of it with the old fashioned mentality you wouldnt mind being with a guy and in years to come cooks, cleans, washes everything whilst the guy sits down and does nothing?

A lot has changed from them old days, people never really cheated, people would get married quite young (20's) and in 60 years time still be together. The woman wouldnt date 6 or 7 guys in a week before deciding who the best is.

Perhaps its your opinion that you expect the guy to pay for everything, but not need to get arsey about it ("I don't give a **** how you think" and "I'm totally glad I'm not dating some of the obvious douches on here")

But my opinion, is if I was a guy dating you, I would be off in the opposite direction breathing a sigh of relief.

And for the record, I have been on a quite a few dates, all of the 1's where we pretty much paid half each, formed a relationship. Then again im not like most guys who think of the most basic dates (cinema, drink or restaurant) which doesnt cost too much. I think outside the box and make fresh, new date ideas which they want to do also, which can be a bit more expensive and even they know it would be too much of an ask expecting me to pay for the whole thing on a 1st date. (But then again you will probably say "I don't give a **** how you think" about that too)


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Anyways, if would most likely pay on a first date, just because I'm nice that way. But not because it "has" to be that way, but because I'm a nice person who wants to do a nice gesture. I wouldn't go on a date with anybody unless I really knew them first anyways. 

Societal norms are stupid. I do what I want because I want to, not because I'm told to do it.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Milco said:


> Just enjoy the date and stop worrying.
> If the question of who should pay is such an issue, you really shouldn't be going out in the first place.
> I don't mind paying and I like to show people I care about a nice time, but some of the replies in this thread just seem like exploitation to be honest.
> When there are so many threads on equality, it's strange that people still think so traditionally when it comes to this.


Agreed. People need to grow up and enjoy the date, not worry about the financial responsibility of it all. If neither has any cash because they are young or in college or whatever, just do something cheap or free.

I would never go out with a girl who said I have to pay because that's the way it's supposed to be. That sounds like she doesn't care about me at all. I wouldn't mind paying and I most likely would, but people need to quit making these dumb expectations out of people based on gender. Forming a mature relationship is more than who has to pay for who on a date.


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## Chirp (May 27, 2012)

Shauna The Dead said:


> Guys should. Sorry but that's just how it is. I can see sometimes each paying for their own **** but I think the guy should most of the time. Here come all the guys to ***** at me now


I'm sorry, but why should a man have to pay for the date?
Does simply having a vagina make women entitled to other people's money now?

You should pay for your own stuff on a date. If you're going to the cinema, buy your own tickets and snacks, let the other person do the same.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

If a guy is a real man, he'll pay.


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## Chirp (May 27, 2012)

rymo said:


> If a guy is a real man, he'll pay.


How is it fair to have a man's financial situation or how willing they are to splash money away on women indicate how much of a man they are?

Come on now.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Chirp said:


> How is it fair to have a man's financial situation or how willing they are to splash money away on women indicate how much of a man they are?
> 
> Come on now.


I didn't say it works the opposite way. Just because you pay on the first date doesn't make you a real man, but if you are a real man then you'll have no issue paying.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Whoever's lower on the social ladder should pay in order to buy the affections of the more valuable person. This is how healthy relationships / marriages are formed.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I think fifty-fifty is fine. And alternating turns on subsequent dates. I wouldn't expect a guy to cover it all, and if he did I would plan to pay next time.

Besides, I enjoy having a ten-minute discussion with my boyfriend every time we go anywhere over who got the last bill and who's paying this time, and how much the tip should be. He may not be paying but he's still my calculator. :lol


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Marriage is a long way off from dating Ape. 

Whilst on a 1st date I refuse if the woman believes Im gonna pay for the lot, if she insists on paying for stuff on the date I demand paying some (Like a date I got in a few days, she got in touch and suggested we can go for a meal and drinks and she will pay, iv kept on since saying I want to at least pay halves)


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

Shauna The Dead said:


> I don't give a **** how you think.


:high5


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Shauna The Dead said:


> I don't give a **** how you think.


Good =)


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## Chirp (May 27, 2012)

Mimic said:


> Care to elaborate on that? Or is that just the way you "feel". If you stop to look at this debate objectively, you will see that that there is no logical reason for a man to have to pay.
> 
> I haven't read through this entire thread, so I'm sorry if this was already posted, but the rule that men have to pay for dates goes back to a time when women had less rights than men. They usually weren't able or allowed to get jobs, so the couldn't pay for a date whether they wanted to or not. Holding on to this few doesn't mean that you respect women more or anything like that. You're actually doing them a disservice.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


>


I knew it! The Joker has GREEN hair, not RED!

Anyway, the MAN should pay on the first date.


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## Chirp (May 27, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Anyway, the MAN should pay on the first date.


But why?

What if the woman has a well paying job, and the man doesn't?
What if it was the woman that arranged the date in the first place?


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## Fair Lady (Jul 3, 2012)

Shauna The Dead said:


> Guys should. Sorry but that's just how it is. I can see sometimes each paying for their own **** but I think the guy should most of the time. Here come all the guys to ***** at me now


:agree


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Mimic said:


> Care to elaborate on that? Or is that just the way you "feel". If you stop to look at this debate objectively, you will see that that there is no logical reason for a man to have to pay.
> 
> I haven't read through this entire thread, so I'm sorry if this was already posted, but the rule that men have to pay for dates goes back to a time when women had less rights than men. They usually weren't able or allowed to get jobs, so the couldn't pay for a date whether they wanted to or not. Holding on to this few doesn't mean that you respect women more or anything like that. You're actually doing them a disservice.


There is no rule. The "rule" that a man should pay for the first date is quite traditional and outdated. But as a man, I consider myself chivalrous and I do like to take care of a woman to a certain extent. To a large extent I do feel like an equal partnership is best, but I don't think taking care of your woman and being generous takes away from that at all. It's just a nice thing to do.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

50/50. Get with the times, and if she *****es over it then that's just what she is.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

This thread's on the road to lockdown city.

But as I said before, I think it should break down to this: the asker offers to pay for both, the askee offers to pay his/her share.

What they finally agree on is up to them.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Both sides of this argument are stupid.



Witan said:


> This thread's on the road to lockdown city.
> 
> But as I said before, I think it should break down to this: *the asker offers to pay for both, the askee offers to pay his/her share.
> 
> What they finally agree on is up to them.*


This is the most intelligent post in this thread.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> This is the most intelligent post in this thread.


I disagree, he's just stating the obvious. I mean that's pretty much what always goes down. That doesn't mean we can't discuss who really _should_ be paying. In my opinion, despite the fact that in today's society there's no rule on this, the guy should show some balls and at least offer to pay.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Chirp said:


> But why?
> 
> What if the woman has a well paying job, and the man doesn't?
> What if it was the woman that arranged the date in the first place?


In those cases, the woman. But, the man normally pays.

Would you date a guy who didn't have a job?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Mimic said:


> Then wouldn't it also be nice for the woman to pay for some of the dates?


Some, sure.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Mimic said:


> Then wouldn't it also be nice for the woman to pay for some of the dates?


It would be cool, but I'd never expect it. I always pay unless she says outright that she'd like to split the bill, or that she'd like to pay. My credit/debit card will be swiped before she even knows I'm paying, usually.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Go dutch aka split it. Or stop looking at it like a problem, if you're the guy or the girl and you feel a moral obligation to pay, or you just feel like being nice, then pay. It doesn't have to carry a higher meaning all the time.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

Mimic said:


> Care to elaborate on that? Or is that just the way you "feel". If you stop to look at this debate objectively, you will see that that there is no logical reason for a man to have to pay.
> 
> I haven't read through this entire thread, so I'm sorry if this was already posted, but the rule that men have to pay for dates goes back to a time when women had less rights than men. They usually weren't able or allowed to get jobs, so the couldn't pay for a date whether they wanted to or not. Holding on to this few doesn't mean that you respect women more or anything like that. You're actually doing them a disservice.


Great answer!


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

n/a


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> I would never go out with a girl who said I have to pay because that's the way it's supposed to be. That sounds like she doesn't care about me at all. I wouldn't mind paying and I most likely would, but people need to quit making these dumb expectations out of people based on gender.


Exactly.
By making a social demand that I pay since I'm male, I'm actually robbed of the opportunity to do something nice for her because it becomes the expectation - it's counter-productive!

Let's not kid ourselves though, the man will likely pay - that's why clubs sometimes let girls get entrance and first drink for free; they know girls will bring in guys who'll then pay for said girls and the club makes a profit.
But making that the social expectation that people *have* to live up to (or indeed making that the business strategy of a club) is just amoral exploitation (of both genders, in the case of the club).



Ape in space said:


> Whoever's lower on the social ladder should pay in order to buy the affections of the more valuable person. This is how healthy relationships / marriages are formed.


<3 xD


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Milco said:


> Exactly.
> By making a social demand that I pay since I'm male, I'm actually robbed of the opportunity to do something nice for her because it becomes the expectation - it's counter-productive!
> 
> Let's not kid ourselves though, the man will likely pay - that's why clubs sometimes let girls get entrance and first drink for free; they know girls will bring in guys who'll then pay for said girls and the club makes a profit.
> ...


Yeah. And if I payed, I would expect her to appreciate it. If it's expected of me, it's not really genuine appreciation then.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

So as long as I get it in, I don't care if I'm buying my date drinks and dinner tomorrow. Traditional courtship is like legalized prostitution. Except a lot cheaper by the hour. Hopefully. And the whole love thing in some cases. But what can you do? You either pay and get the girl or you don't. Unless you run into a girl who believes in going dutch. Which is a minority. Girls often shoot back "no it's not legalized prostitution. Because sex isn't guaranteed". Well then that's what I call crappy legalized prostitution! lol. You get what you pay for though. If you're willing to pay more (escorts), you're guaranteed to get laid. If you pay less (traditional dates, buying girls drinks at the bar), it's a crapshoot.


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## LuxAeterna (Aug 13, 2010)

Back when I was in the dating scene, there were a couple dates where I paid for my movie ticket or meal. But 99% of them, they paid. 

I had no problem footing the bill if that was preferred.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Dutch is the only way to go in my mind. If I was hanging out with a dude for the first time, I wouldn't pay for his food. I don't know him, and I don't owe him anything. So by virtue of someone having a vagina I somehow owe them a free meal? Gimme a break. lol


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

PathologicalSigher said:


> I probably wouldn't have a big issue with this viewpoint if it weren't for the fact that women throw fits when men expect them to do certain things (e.g. housework, preparing meals, etc.)
> 
> If a woman can expect a man to pay, why can't a man expect her to make dinner, etc.?


Uh I've never complained about that ****. I'd be perfectly content finding a rich or well off dude who made all the money while I stayed home and cooked and cleaned and ****


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I've always offered to pay, but every time they have insisted on paying for themselves. I actually prefer that to be honest.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

People shouldn't throw fits over this type of thing. 

Some women will want to pay, some men will want to pay. Some won't care who pays, some will offer to split the bill, etc.

It's not necessarily money grubbing to have the man pay. But it should be laid out on the table first, before the date, so that the check doesn't get passed around and neither want to pay. That is just screwed up.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Milco said:


> Just enjoy the date and stop worrying.
> If the question of who should pay is such an issue, you really shouldn't be going out in the first place.
> I don't mind paying and I like to show people I care about a nice time, but some of the replies in this thread just seem like exploitation to be honest.
> When there are so many threads on equality, it's strange that people still think so traditionally when it comes to this.


It wasn't really an issue for me when it came to who's paying on the first date. Now that I remember, for me and my fiance's first date we paid separately because I was so nervous I wanted to go in the movie theater first and then meet him there. It worked out fine. Another time a guy expected us to just split, but he wasn't a great guy to date in general so we never went on the date. Again, it depends on the guy and situation. I wouldn't have a problem of splitting if it comes to that as I've done it before. The thread was a question and I answered.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Chirp said:


> But why?
> 
> What if the woman has a well paying job, and the man doesn't?
> What if it was the woman that arranged the date in the first place?


So you're a female, do you actually enjoy paying for guys in general? Would it bother you if the guy took advantage of you and wanted you to pay more than he pays for you?


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I've been on dates where the guy pays for me or we split 50/50. Both worked out fine. I've never been on a date where I paid for the guy though since most guys did the asking out. Me and my fiance split 50/50 on the first date. We went to a movie theater and he offered to buy snacks when we were in there. We're engaged now and he's the best guy I've ever been with.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

MidnightBlu said:


> So you're a female, do you actually enjoy paying for guys in general? Would it bother you if the guy took advantage of you and wanted you to pay more than he pays for you?


It works both ways, y'know.

I don't want women taking advantage of my wallet either.

Some men take pride in doing the macho "I'll pay" act, but I don't.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

TPower said:


> It works both ways, y'know.
> 
> I don't want women taking advantage of my wallet either.
> 
> Some men take pride in doing the macho "I'll pay" act, but I don't.


You should read my other posts in here. Yes, I know. I'm fine with paying 50/50 and my own. I've done it before. Me and my fiance's first date we split 50/50 and he's the greatest guy I've been with. That girl in here kept posting implied that she prefers paying for guys on their first dates or split and defending for the men which is very rare to hear from a woman so I had to quote her.

I've got no problem for 50/50 first date depending on the situation and date itself.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

MidnightBlu said:


> I wouldn't have a problem of splitting if it comes to that as I've done it before. The thread was a question and I answered.


My posts weren't made with you in mind.
But I think it's important that we not have a situation where guys are demanded to pay for everything or to pay most (by 17%).
There's a universal truth that forcing/demanding somebody to do something is a sure-fire way to remove any fun from doing it.
The best thing to do, I think, is try not to make money an issue - neither personally nor in the relationship. But if it's too 'unfair' for what you're expecting in the end, you'll start to notice.
I don't mind paying for friends if they have forgotten their wallet for example, and I have done in the past, or lend them money if they were a little short, but if they say no if the roles are reversed, I get a little miffed.

But...


MidnightBlu said:


> So you're a female, do you actually enjoy paying for guys in general? *Would it bother you if the guy took advantage of you and wanted you to pay more than he pays for you?*


If that is taking advantage of the girl, then surely it's also taking advantage of the guy if he pays more than she does.
I don't think it's taking advantage by itself, but it can be depending on why it is she's paying more and the mindset of the guy.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

n/a


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

Generally, it's the one asking for the date. I will typically offer to pay even if I was asked just because I'm a nice guy like that. But I'll also tend to pay for friends drinks and snacks when we are out when I know they don't have much money. $5 can burden them when I won't even miss it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I just look for the offer of paying/appreciation of me paying. I only let her pay her share if she really insists.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

I think the woman should always pay for both, its just the best way.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

bigblue38 said:


> I think the woman should always pay for both, its just the best way.


No it's not. It's better 50/50. You should pay your way.


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## dismiss (Jul 26, 2012)

Haven't been on a date in a looooooong time.

I've gone dutch many times in the past. Maybe because I'm all old now... But, my male friends (not even guys I'm dating) pay when we go out. I always offer to pay my way... Pretty sure they appreciate that... Maybe it's because they know how low paying my work is... Idk, either way, I'm grateful for it.


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## Chirp (May 27, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> In those cases, the woman. But, the man normally pays.
> 
> Would you date a guy who didn't have a job?


 Of course I'd date a guy that didn't have a job.
I have done, and I'll happily do it again.

If I like and enjoy the company of somebody and that goes both ways, I don't see why his or my financial situation should effect that.

If paying for dates is a problem, a walk around the lake or a day at the beach never killed anybody.


MidnightBlu said:


> So you're a female, do you actually enjoy paying for guys in general? Would it bother you if the guy took advantage of you and wanted you to pay more than he pays for you?


 I don't enjoy paying for guys, but I'd also hate to think some guy was paying for me simply because I have a vagina and they feel that they *have* to pay simply because they're a man. It makes no sense.

If a guy took advantage of me and expected me to pay more, I'd point out the fact that I'd never do that to him and talk about it.

Honestly, the easiest way for me personally, is to just have each person pay for their own stuff. I understand that other people may not like that, but I've never had an issue with it.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Want to know how to tell if a girl doesn't like you as more than a friend? She offers to pay for your meal 

Seriously though, I think the societal expectation that the male has to pay is definitely outdated today. Women are not children; they are more than capable of taking care of themselves. But I see nothing wrong with being nice once in a while and offering to pay for the others share, especially if you are the one asking them on a date. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. 

Some of the comments in this relationship section have already made me paranoid about dating, especially because I have trust issues. Now some of the comments here are just making me feel that girls are just taking advantage of a date for a free meal. I have an older sister who had a boyfriend and he bought her all kinds of stuff. She didn't say anything about it because according to her, "He liked doing it." Basically, she was taking advantage of his generosity. 

Those are the kinds of people I want to avoid.


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## Furious Ming (Dec 13, 2011)

I have no obligation to pay for a date just because have a Y chromosome.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

komorikun said:


> I think the reason why guys usually pay is because that is one way to prove that you are truly interested. Can also do that by going out multiple times and spending time on the woman. Generally it is easier for women to get a date but the thing is so many guys are out to waste your time. They only want to get laid and their whole goal in life is to put in as little effort (money, time, etc.) as possible for as much sex as possible with a variety of women. So one way to to weed these guys out is to make them put in effort.


Makes sense. Has to be balanced though, there's a difference between testing the guy and just going out with him because he's paying. All about balance, except there are people out there with broken bull**** detectors, so they get taken advantage of. Poor *******s...


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Makes sense. Has to be balanced though, there's a difference between testing the guy and just going out with him because he's paying. All about balance, except there are people out there with broken bull**** detectors, so they get taken advantage of. Poor *******s...


I don't know about other women but my time is more valuable than a free dinner/free drinks. If I'm not interested I don't care if the guy offers to pay for everything I won't go out with him. Going on dates with someone I'm not attracted to is really tedious.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

komorikun said:


> I don't know about other women but my time is more valuable than a free dinner/free drinks. If I'm not interested I don't care if the guy offers to pay for everything I won't go out with him. Going on dates with someone I'm not attracted to is really tedious.


Me too. If I'm not attracted to a guy, I'm not attracted to a guy regardless he has money or wants to pay or not.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I don't know about other women but my time is more valuable than a free dinner/free drinks.


I'm sure most girls aren't so starving that they'll go on a date with a guy they don't like to get free dinner, but I do think most have no problem with being bought free drinks when going out - which arguably would take no time, but still be in the same category as I don't think guys are being bought drinks at near the same rate.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Milco said:


> I'm sure most girls aren't so starving that they'll go on a date with a guy they don't like to get free dinner, but I do think most have no problem with being bought free drinks when going out - which arguably would take no time, but still be in the same category as I don't think guys are being bought drinks at near the same rate.


Oh yeah, sure. That's different. I was just trying to say that guys should not worry too much about women only going out with them for a free dinner/drinks. Some guys are paranoid about this. Now if you start buying girls that you don't know well expensive presents.......


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## ohm (May 2, 2012)

First date is the asker... and in a relationship, whomever is less poor at the moment (though it tends to be the less poor person who asks to begin with!)


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

No one should. Just run for it.


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## G i r l (Jul 30, 2012)

I think the guy should pay, but only because he would be the one asking in my case. I am far too shy and insecure to ask a guy on a date. After that though, I'd pay for mine and would have no problem paying for his sometimes too.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

komorikun said:


> I'm broke so I usually let the guy pay. If I had a real job then I wouldn't mind paying half. To be honest in the past the guy paid 80-90% of the time. My Japanese ex-boyfriends and various other guys paid for the love hotels too and those cost $100 or more a night.


really you've been to a "love hotel" :clap
what theme do you like best ?
seen it on tv cool stuff they got there.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

On a first date I will always grab for the check and offer to pay. If she says she wants to split it, I will let her. Perhaps she wants me to insist, but I'm not going to go through this song and dance. Generally I date women making a decent wage, 75-100k, and most of them seem more comfortable paying their own way then depending on a guy to pay.

My general policy is "I don't care" and I don't want an extended discussion around the bill. If the finances surrounding a meal or coffee or drink are significant enough to change their opinion of me I probably wouldn't want to date them anyways. Money shouldn't be so important that a few dollars impact whether or not a connection is made. 

"Whoever asks should pay" is just a method of justifying that the guy should pay as the guy will be asking in the vast majority of cases.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

n/a


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

bk said:


> On a first date I will always grab for the check and offer to pay. If she says she wants to split it, I will let her. Perhaps she wants me to insist, but I'm not going to go through this song and dance. *Generally I date women making a decent wage, 75-100k*, and most of them seem more comfortable paying their own way then depending on a guy to pay.


"Decent" is an understatement.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

50:50 would be ideal, but like that is ever going to happen going on a date with a woman, they would rather you put up all the risk.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Witan said:


> "Decent" is an understatement.


True, but currently ~32% have voted that a man must earn $75k or more for a serious relationship in a thread on the voting subforum.


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

Milco said:


> True, but currently ~32% have voted that a man must earn $75k or more for a serious relationship in a thread on the voting subforum.


There's gonna be a lot of lonely cat ladies out there...


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> There's gonna be a lot of lonely cat ladies out there...


Well to be fair, that 32% is just 14 people so probably not statistically accurate :b


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Witan said:


> "Decent" is an understatement.


I live in a fairly expensive city and the median household income is 88k. So 75-100k here doesn't represent a huge amount considering the cost of living.


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## Mithun (Sep 25, 2008)

First date right, I wouldn't bother to pay.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

forex said:


> really you've been to a "love hotel" :clap
> what theme do you like best ?
> seen it on tv cool stuff they got there.


I never went to any theme based ones. Love hotels are fun for sure. Way better than going to the guy's place where he lives with a bunch of roommates and the bathroom is filthy.

They always have huge beds, large bathtub or jacuzzi, sound proof walls, and are actually cheaper and much larger than regular hotels. Even when I went travelling with one bf we stayed at love hotels rather than regular ones. The only catch is you can't check in till 10pm. In the daytime till 10pm you have to pay for the "short stay" (2 -3 hours) rather than the flat overnight fee (10pm-noon).


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

How come a lot of guys don't want to pay on the first date even if they ask the girl out???? An I missing something?


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

If you want a second date you, as the man, have to pay.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

the girl should pay for the gas if the guy is driving, it should be calculated just like they do with a taxi, it should be timed and at the end of the date you hand her the receipt, additional fees should be added if the air conditioner or the heater was being used


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

MidnightBlu said:


> How come a lot of guys don't want to pay on the first date even if they ask the girl out???? An I missing something?


Because everyone is a tough guy on the internet. The reality is that they usually do pay.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

If you guys are really concerned about who's paying maybe you should go on dates that don't require payment. A nice walk on the beach or something, peruse the library together. If finances are tight on both sides it would be best to avoid costs.


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## geepeeone (Mar 27, 2012)

VickieKitties said:


> If you guys are really concerned about who's paying maybe you should go on dates that don't require payment. A nice walk on the beach or something, peruse the library together. If finances are tight on both sides it would be best to avoid costs.


And where would you exactly go if you live in an urban city and the only park remotely close by is the pot of plant 5 miles away??


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

komorikun said:


> I never went to any theme based ones. Love hotels are fun for sure. Way better than going to the guy's place where he lives with a bunch of roommates and the bathroom is filthy.
> 
> They always have huge beds, large bathtub or jacuzzi, sound proof walls, and are actually cheaper and much larger than regular hotels. Even when I went travelling with one bf we stayed at love hotels rather than regular ones. *The only catch is you can't check in till 10pm.* * In the daytime till 10pm you have to pay for the "short stay" (2 -3 hours)* rather than the flat overnight fee (10pm-noon).


lol never came across my mind that you can use a love hotel as a normal hotel.

oh didn't know that , so when do you need to check out ?!
(don't know the rules of the love hotel)


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Because everyone is a tough guy on the internet. The reality is that they usually do pay.


If you wanna get laid, you pay. It's as simple as that. :teeth If you won't pay, some other guy will. I find it amusing when women frown upon guys who visit prostitutes. When dating is like a "light", indirect form of exchanging resources for sex. Except it's generally cheaper (I would hope so!) and there's no guarantee of getting any at the end of the night.

Yes I don't agree with the uneven splitting. But it's worth noting that women put in a lot more effort than men (and money) to look good on dates (with men taking a more metrosexual slant, that's starting to change to a degree. I have showed up prettier than the girl on some of my dates. And I still paid. One woman recently who showed up in a hoodie with a ponytail insisted on paying her own tab. But she and I didn't click during the date so that makes sense. If you don't like the guy, it's a dick move to let him pay). And in long-term relationships with two working spouses, the woman tends to get stuck with the bigger share of the household chores and childcare. Gender roles still persist in our society.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Because everyone is a tough guy on the internet. The reality is that they usually do pay.


I never paid.

I still got some.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

I didn't pay on the first date. We paid separately after that. I paid for her on plenty of other stuff though.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

First date whoever asks pays, or in the case of one working or earning significantly more than the other, the person in question pays. Usually after that its split I think. Considering its the guys who usually ask, they are usually the ones to pay, which is fine. 

After the first date though I believe it definitely should be split unless one has no job, or earns significantly less than the other.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

VickieKitties said:


> If you guys are really concerned about who's paying maybe you should go on dates that don't require payment. A nice walk on the beach or something, peruse the library together. If finances are tight on both sides it would be best to avoid costs.


It's not very sexy to tell your potential date that you are broke and can't afford to go to a bar or coffee shop.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

komorikun said:


> It's not very sexy to tell your potential date that you are broke and can't afford to go to a bar or coffee shop.


If that would put someone off I wouldn't want to date them in the first place. It most likely wouldnt be that you can't afford a coffee, but rather choose something free for other reasons.

Avoiding costs if finances are tight is smart... not something to be frowned upon.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Durzo said:


> If that would put someone off I wouldn't want to date them in the first place. It most likely wouldnt be that you can't afford a coffee, but rather choose something free for other reasons.
> 
> Avoiding costs if finances are tight is smart... not something to be frowned upon.


Well, if you can afford to be picky. I'm just saying most people don't like it if you are cheap, especially on the first date. It's okay to be cheap later on but in the beginning....not so much.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Well, if you can afford to be picky. I'm just saying most people don't like it if you are cheap, especially on the first date. It's okay to be cheap later on but in the beginning....not so much.


Hmm I prefer it the reverse to that. Cheap early on, then if they are worth it, I will pay. Why should I pay for someone I don't even know ? :E Anything more than a drink or two is excessive for a series of short conversations. Unless of course I know the person as a friend first, in which case it isn't paying for time to meet a stranger, so its different.

Quite frankly if a stranger isn't willing to get to know you at a free location, then that is their problem. There are people out there who will.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Durzo said:


> Hmm I prefer it the reverse to that. Cheap early on, then if they are worth it, I will pay. Why should I pay for someone I don't even know ? :E Anything more than a drink or two is excessive for a series of short conversations.


If I were a guy I'd be willing to pay for my date's 2 drinks at a bar (more if I was digging them and they appeared to like me as well) or coffee and a pastry at a coffee shop. Meeting at a restaurant is not a good idea cause then you are stuck with the person for a couple hours and bill can get high. I made that mistake a few times and it was horrible. Cause the moment I set my eyes on them I wanted to go back into my house.

At a bar or a coffee shop you can bail after 30 minutes if you are not digging the person. But meeting at a park is just in my opinion too cheap.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

komorikun said:


> If I were a guy I'd be willing to pay for my date's 2 drinks at a bar (more if I was digging them and they appeared to like me as well) or coffee and a pastry at a coffee shop. Meeting at a restaurant is not a good idea cause then you are stuck with the person for a couple hours and bill can get high. I made that mistake a few times and it was horrible. Cause the moment I set my eyes on them I wanted to go back into my house.
> 
> At a bar or a coffee shop you can bail after 30 minutes if you are not digging the person. But meeting at a park is just in my opinion too cheap.


But a park can be so much better... the scenery is lovely, the sunshine (if it is shining) is pleasant and tends to lift moods, and you aren't bound to sit for X amount of minutes but instead you can move around which helps me feel active and want to talk more.

I just think sitting down talking at a coffee place full of people talking around you, isn't a very fun setting at all.

But yes a few drinks are acceptable to pay for if it is in a bar/coffee place


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Durzo said:


> But a park can be so much better... the scenery is lovely, the sunshine (if it is shining) is pleasant and tends to lift moods, and you aren't bound to sit for X amount of minutes but instead you can move around which helps me feel active and want to talk more.
> 
> I just think sitting down talking at a coffee place full of people talking around you, isn't a very fun setting at all.
> 
> But yes a few drinks are acceptable to pay for if it is in a bar/coffee place


It really depends on the person. I get sun burnt easily so I can't walk around before 5pm and I'm a night person so I always say no to lunch dates too. And for most of the year here it's too cold and windy to be outside for long periods of time. I try to wear something nice but unfortunately outfits that look nice usually are are cold and I get blisters if I walk for too long in anything besides sneakers.

The coffee or booze helps to kind of smooth things. Otherwise you are just staring at each other having awkward conversation. I need the booze to calm my nerves also. Okay, maybe I'm a bit of a pain in *ss. Maybe easygoing, non-nervous women won't mind exercise on the first date in the sun with no alcoholic beverages.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

TPower said:


> I never paid.
> 
> I still got some.


Good for you. My fiancé didn't pay for me on the first date, but he did pay for other times. I'm just saying it's nice to split and take turns paying for each other.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

MidnightBlu said:


> Good for you. My fiancé didn't pay for me on the first date, but he did pay for other times. I'm just saying it's nice to split and take turns paying for each other.


I agree. I've also invited her to the movies and paid for her food later, when we were officially a couple.

But in the early stages -- the first date -- I can't see why you would have to pay. For all you know, you could be with a complete ***** and your money would go to the trash bin.

My principle is: PROVE ME I should spoil you a bit. Owning a vagina alone didn't give you that right.


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## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

Depends what the date is, how much it costs, and who asked to go on it. You'd think if someone asked to take someone on a date they'd pay for it though.


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