# Literally dying of loneliness.



## loserinahalfshell (Oct 7, 2014)

Never posted here. Don't really see a reason why, since nothing will ever change. But I'm having a weak moment and attempting to reach out (so I can be disappointed and fall deeper into depression in all likelihood).

I'm 31, male, suffer from extreme debilitating shyness, diagnosed with SAD at 17 and still virtually the same in every way (arrested development, I speculate). More than anything in the world, I wish I could have a girlfriend, but I know I never will because no one will ever accept me for who I am. The most I can hope for is someone who also suffers from the same disease and can understand where I'm coming from. But even then, most people are optimistic and positive and I tend to bring people down with my cynicism and pessimistic worldview. Although I don't know if that's necessarily my fault, given that it's what my life experience has dictated to me.

Like I said, I'm not sure what's going to come of this. I decided to register and post in the off-chance that anyone cares, because I'm giving up hope. I will eventually succumb to my extraordinary loneliness and eventually commit suicide...if I had any guts at all. Well, life is pushing me...

A couple of other notes about myself: I view myself as unattractive, overweight, my hair is beginning to thin, I seem to be incapable of speaking aloud without coming off as poignantly socially awkward (I communicate much better through writing), I have no visible talent or worth to speak of, I am -- in every way -- a waste of space and air and I am convinced the world will be a better place once I'm gone from it.

I'll visit again in a day or two...probably see a bunch of trolly replies or worthless platitudes ("oh, it's not that bad...") and then sink into an even further and deeper black void of hopelessness and utter solitude since no one will ever understand the way I feel.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

Feel free to PM me if you want to. I don't mind cynicism and pessimism. I tend to be that way myself.


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## Naytve (Sep 27, 2014)

Feel the same, and no energy to step out of my apathy. Then I feel I can't do much to change anything cos of no friends. I always resort to thinking because of that and my SA that all areas of life are over. Do you think if you really got to chane your midnset that you could better yourself and change things? or you feel its also fixed circumstances?


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## loserinahalfshell (Oct 7, 2014)

That's a great question. I spend most of my time thinking about that. It's definitely a little bit of both. If I weren't such a depressive, I could possibly move out of my comfort zone and "change" for the better...whatever that means. There are people in worse circumstances who have overcome greater obstacles (say, those in third-world countries or born with certain limitations). A lot of it has to do with attitude and motivation. But SA is a disability in every sense of the word. SA + depression and low self-esteem is a veritable death sentence.

Fixed circumstances definitely play a major part in this. If I were born with better genes (handsome, thinner, full head of hair, 20/20 vision), I would definitely be a LOT happier and more confident. If I grew up with the positive reinforcement that comes from being attractive (constantly stroking your ego), I would be a much different person. If girls paid attention to me when I grew up, I probably wouldn't feel such a sense of dread and inadequacy in the company of the opposite sex. I used to have a "friend" who suffers from crippling shyness, but he is tall, handsome and has a fit body. He received attention from girls growing up, so even though he may not be chock full of confidence, he's definitely in a better position than I am (and he now has a gf, SA and all). I often think if I had his looks and body, I would feel better about myself and be able to attract a mate. But of course, this is all conjecture; thousands of hours of pointless thought spent in my own company, darkened room, hidden from the prying, judging eyes of the rest of the world. ****, what a sad life.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

feel free to pm if u ever need someone to talk to about anything  ps. cool avatar!


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## tejasjs (Sep 18, 2014)

Feel free to pm me too


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## Keikei (Mar 16, 2004)

I read through your post and it did speak to me. It feels like such a prison doesn't it. And sometimes I think, well possibly it wouldn't be so bad if I were really pretty and thin. I would be like the soft spoken little flower. But no, I am unfortunately fat and often don't have the energy to do my hair and makeup. I was always THE SHYEST from my first days in school and it's followed me into adulthood, where I feel anything but an adult. This illness tells me I am in great danger when there is no danger. Instead of getting excited to spend time with people I have the sensation of going off to the Menataor. Accordingly, I tend to look miserable. I want nothing more than to have friends. People I can be candid with and share with when something happens in my life. People I can help with things in their lives. That is why I chose to browse on here tonight. I would love to talk, especially with someone who understands what I go through every day.


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## breezyfun711 (Oct 22, 2014)

*...*

At least you're honest and real in a world with so many liars and fakes. Be proud of that. (hugs)


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## seagarfy (May 6, 2014)

I know how you feel a lot. Is your username a reference to TMNT? That makes you cool, not a loser, to me haha. You can pm me too any time you need someone to talk to.


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

Send me a pm!  You can always talk to me if you'd like too.


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## Lunar Delta (Oct 18, 2014)

You can PM me anytime you want. I guarantee it will be worth your effort.


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## lydella (Oct 30, 2014)

Message me! I'm going through isolation. I would love to talk 😄


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## yigit (Nov 14, 2014)

maybe my English is not enough good to write my feelings and thoughts about your message and i understand maybe % 70 of of your message bt when i read your message, i have thought i have written the message you wrote...

i understand your feelings my friend, i am just like you for 1 years... you are not alone


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## loserinahalfshell (Oct 7, 2014)

Thanks for all your posts, guys. I forgot that this thread even existed.

I quit these forums about a month ago due to some intolerance I encountered here on part of the, ahem, management. I hesitate to say anything further for fear of excommunication. Suffice it to say, I still haven't killed myself in all that time. Which is either a miracle or a curse.


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## pbandjam (Sep 24, 2011)

I know what you mean since I've gone through the exact same thing you've described. Send me a message anytime if you'd like to talk


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## 525826 (Aug 29, 2014)

No worries man. I got 2 of my posts edited or deleted by a mod here. Lame.


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