# Went to my cousins Wedding (Warning long post surprise surprise)



## The Patriot (Nov 15, 2012)

When I initially got the invitation to the wedding, I created in my mind all the scenerio's of what would happen, my uncle and other people would make a joke about me coming alone or ask me where my plus 1 is, they would point out my obvious lonely single dome and make me feel bad. 

I would have to endure the looks and I was anxious about my grandmother embarrassing me by pointing out and asking don't eat this, don't do that, her usual nit picking, I was so afraid I would feel depressed and lonely. 

I told myself after, okay Dude give it a chance, lets see what happens, go for your cousin he wants you there and it mean alot to him and if you stay home you're just going to keep thinking all these terrible things about yourself and the situation and by than we'd already said yes on the invitation and my grandmother helped me get some clothes so it was too late to back out by then. 

Yesterday I mentally got myself ready, I was nervous and worried at the start and started wondering if I was making a mistake, what if this one says this or they point out I'm single, I said and it was true this had nothing at all to do with my cousin getting married, I'm very happy for my cousin, the only way I'd be jealous is if I had any feelings for the bride or she was my type (well my preference) 

I hardly feel I know her, she's been to my home a few times but we've hardly spoken cause we both have very shy personalities so I wouldn't go out of my way to initiate conversation (getting better) anyways back to my point. 

It wasn't jealousy toward him, it was the fear of others making comments, maybe well meaning etc which would upset me. So I told myself Go Chad (kept saying if somebody says anything about my status I won't go back into the reception room, which made me feel down, so I say alright Chad go forget everyone go for your cousin and for you, you're worrying yourself over things which you have no control over and haven't even happened. 

I went and I couldn't have been more wrong, I let all this anxiety build up in my head for nothing, I imagined the worst case scenerio's where there were none, I couldn't believe once I got there and saw my family and sat in the church with my suit on and waited how calm and relaxed I felt, how all my anxieties went away. 

I just thought of my cousin and his special day and how genuinely happy I was for him, she's really great for him and they compliment each other, he's very lucky to have found her, and I also realized when I was there, there were no plus ones, I was so worried about being alone without a date and the majority were family on both sides and yes people had their husbands and wives but it was mostly the older couples, nobody my age had dates, and the only single girls were like teenage girls the brides cousins etc who came. 

We had a great time, I took a ton of pics, everyone was beautifully and handsomely dressed, especially the Bride, The best men, and the brides maids (loved the brides maid dresses absolutely stunning) we ate ourselves sick at the banquet hall, Calamari, brought around Poutine in like a Chinese food container, crab cakes, (spicy) little keeshes (excuse the spelling) Mini Burgers. 

I didn't think I was going to get to eat my actual food. Was in a way a good thing I hadn't eaten since breakfast. The Wedding was only at 3 and I ate at 8 the morning, but left around 12:30 cause it was in Oakville and we first had to go to Mississauga so my sister could lead us to where the church was
so only ate later in the evening around 5ish, by that point I was famished, anyways after they bring out this big piece of well done and tender meat with asparagus, squash, I don't know the name of the dish. 

They came around after to ask if I wanted any chicken, no I couldn't, for dessert they brought Creme Bruli and later on there were Tarts, these big round chocolate things with chocolate inside, dessert pies etc I can't even recall now what we had for dessert other than those things. 

We danced and I can't believe I still remember how to do the Macarina. We danced, my cousin the best man his girlfriend was very nice and came and talked to me later when she saw me outside on the balcony, it was on the top floor of the banquet hall. 

Yeah had fun, the only time I felt down, was when they played the really slow songs and said find that special someone (family not included lol) but seeing the young ones there dancing (one did bring someone but it turned out she was just a friend) and there was one of the brides maids who I intitially thought was single and I could maybe dance with but she turned out to have a bf, so them dancing made me start thinking about being single and feeling like it was obvious to everyone, how I was having fun but the music was bringing me down making me feel uncomfortable and worried I'm letting my family down by not meeting anyone. 

I talked to Vanessa my cousins girlfriend about it and she really helped me, she helped me understand I was going with expectations and just to let loose and just enjoy meeting people, we talked quiet a bit, I'm just a Hopeless Romantic (which was a song I sang) and I see others with that special someone and I just want to find it again. After I went in and relaxed and just focused on having fun, which I did, took pics, had shots, etc was a great time and really blessed my cousin asked me. 

The song I sang 


Sometimes I think I was
born just a little behind or
ahead of my time I live in
a dream world of caring and
sharing good guys and nobody
lies 

I'm a believer and much 
more than anything I believe
in you you're not a deceiver
if you told me the ocean went
dry I'd believe it was true 

So call me a Hopeless romantic
cause I can still believe I can still
believe in True Love and Hopeless
Romantics still can find a way
to make true love last to make true
love last to make true love last
these these days


Nobody said anything to me about my status, It was all just me worried and thinking the worst, I still am very self conscious and hate my looks, I think I'm horrible looking and I feel like that's why my family hardly takes any pictures of me, cause I am barely in any photos (well other relatives are) I get down about my looks alot I wish you could see a pic so you could see what I mean. 

But I'm proud of myself for going and overcoming my initial fear and taking that step, I'm sorry this was so long, I hope that it helps others who are facing a similar fear or who recognize their own catastrophizing in my situation.


----------



## Demi Stark (May 16, 2015)

I'm so happy for you that everything went well! Often people like us dread big gatherings like these, but in the end it really isn't that bad. Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself, apart from that moment of aloneness. I'm sure that one day you'll find someone if you want. This was a big step, and you made it! Keep on going like this.


----------



## irshad (Jul 2, 2014)

Managed to Read your post...
Motivated


----------



## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

The Patriot said:


> When I initially got the invitation to the wedding, I created in my mind all the scenerio's of what would happen, my uncle and other people would make a joke about me coming alone or ask me where my plus 1 is, they would point out my obvious lonely single dome and make me feel bad.
> 
> I would have to endure the looks and I was anxious about my grandmother embarrassing me by pointing out and asking don't eat this, don't do that, her usual nit picking, I was so afraid I would feel depressed and lonely.
> 
> ...


Glanced over it, read some parts then some others.

Well, congratulations man, I am (and I think we all are) proud of you !

Keep fighting the good fight  .

Regards.


----------

