# Does anybody else feel like most therapists are useless?



## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I’ve seen many therapists over many years, tried nearly every anti depressant under the sun and have got literally nothing out of it except a few insights here and there and just a whole lot of anger and frustration out of the whole ordeal.

Like I have a real problem with OCD, so I found this website called The OCD Center based in LA. Their website looked really promising with the things they were saying; that a lot of people don’t receive the correct treatment for OCD and that they could provide it with online sessions. It turned out to be just the kind of typical American BS you would find on an infomercial.

I live in NZ so the time difference was a real problem and turns out his method for treatment was 2 things: 1 thing I’d already been doing for ages which I’d had limited success with and the 2nd thing was CBT which I’ve done to death before and has never helped in the slightest.

I told him this and he basically said he didn’t really have much else to offer me. Useless! He also was so amazed that I wasn’t on any kind of anti depressant, never mind the fact that they are BS and don’t do anything for me.

He also gave me these CBT sheets the same bloody type I’ve done before that never helped and he didn’t even really go into detail as to how to use this for my OCD. It was just like here’s the sheet you figure it out. Also another therapist I saw that was apparently an expert in OCD said CBT doesn’t work for OCD, which I think she is right about.

So I gave up after a few sessions of this partly because it didn’t seem very hopeful if this was all this guy had to offer me and partly because the cost was very high per session. Before him I saw a counselor and he was good to talk to but he didn’t really have any experience in treating OCD so that was another giant waste of money and time.

Before him I saw this female therapist (the one I mentioned was an expert in OCD) and I saw her for about 8-10 sessions but her treatment did nothing for me. She was just getting me to do these exercises and they didn’t cause my OCD to budge in the slightest, one of her ideas was really daft, there was only 1 exercise she got me to do which actually helped a bit.

I resented the cost of this therapy so I told her it wasn’t helping me and quit. This is the problem, therapy is so damned expensive. Like when I had to get an X-ray a few years ago that cost me $100 and that was kinda pricey but that was just a one off cost. When you see a therapist you have to see them for at least several months to get any real benefit (not that I ever do).

At $180 or so a session (wouldn’t be surpised if the fee has gone up like everything else) for one measly hour of their time in which they don’t give me any tools or strategy that actually ****en helps me, it’s just a giant waste of money.

I can’t help but wonder what they teach these people in these psychology classes whether it’s like some of this tertiary education that’s heavy on theory but light on anything practical that actually helps their clients.

I’ve seen some real incompetent idiots over the years, I even saw this one idiot woman many years ago – when I started seeing her for SA she said she’s going to give me some CBT exercises to do. I told her I’d already tried and it hadn’t helped her reply was ‘well we’re just gonna try again.’

So alright fine I’ll ‘try again’. After seeing her for many sessions and trying like hell to make CBT work for me (filling in several school exercise books of counterstatements) I tell her exasperated this isn’t working for me. She tells me ‘I don’t think you want to get better.’ WTF?!

These are the kind of twats I end up dealing with.

In the movie ‘The Aviator’ where Leonardo Dicaprio plays Howard Hughs who was a textbook case of someone with really bad OCD. I saw that film and thought it was so sad how he died that if he had been treated properly for his condition he could have lived a happier life.

I feel like this guy because I’m not getting the treatment I need because all the therapists I’ve encountered are incompetent fools that don’t do their job properly.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

The problem with therapy is that it's kind of like spell casting. It only works if you believe it's working.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I feel like it's a combination of equal effort in part of the therapist themselves and the patient, and how well they mesh together. There's also a big factor in the treatment approach with each therapists too, which I find largely varies, and whether said approach works for the particular patient at hand. Another key really is, if you find the therapist doesn't work for you, be willing to change and try various ones in hopes of landing in the right one you're comfortable with. Kind of the same with finding the right medical doctors in general. Although in the world of mental health treatment, it's still very relatively small, where the demand for mental health professions largely exceeds the supply of them. So the luxury of being able to try around and find the right one is rather difficult. Meanwhile the cost of seeking mental health treatment is rather high and the pool of them is rather limited even when cost isn't an issue. There's just way too high of a likelihood of heavy trial & error requirements in the patient's part for it to be practical. But in some fortunate scenario where you do find a therapist you like and are comfortable with, I imagine it can be a huge positive.


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## NoMoreTears (9 mo ago)

Sadly it is trial and error in finding a good therapist, because there are some really, really bad ones that exist out there. 
I have experienced two really good ones and 3 really bad ones over the years. 
The bad ones can end up making you worse and destroying what little self-esteem you had left! 

From what I have learnt over the years, as soon as you sense that you have a bad one, never go back to them! Don't make the mistake I did, in thinking they might get better, after a few more sessions - don't risk it!

Because the bad ones seem to have a common practice of going to the "blaming the victim" tactic, whenever their particular treatment is not working for you. I assume they use this tactic to blame you for their incompetence, to save their own ego and reputation. 
But if you are able to manage the huge cost of trying several different ones, when you do get a really good one, omg, the rare good ones, can make you feel like you are drinking a glass of water after wondering through the hot desert.
Such a shame that therapy for something so important is so damn expensive.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Blue Dino said:


> Another key really is, if you find the therapist doesn't work for you, be willing to change and try various ones in hopes of landing in the right one you're comfortable with. Kind of the same with finding the right medical doctors in general.


But I've tried so many over the years, none of them ever help. One therapist I saw said that talking therapy isn't for everyone, maybe I fall in that bucket.
I also find it quite disparaging having to rely on someone else to fix me when all they ever do is let me down.
I'm not prepared to burden the excessive financial cost that will probably only end up in failure and disappointment at the moment, I want to save for a big trip to the US at the moment that me and my sister have always talked about doing together. So if I decide I want to pursue therapy again for the 1000th time it won't be before I've saved enough funds for this trip, which I may need to wait until next year due to funds/Covid.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Either the way a person speaks to you has an effect on you, or it doesn't. If you believe that other people can make your mental health worse by verbally abusing and manipulating you, then, logically, the reverse must also be true. Other people must be able to make your mental health better. I think that's a sufficient argument to demonstrate that therapy must be useful at least hypothetically.

But that argument also illustrates one of the limitations of therapy. Therapy can really only alter how you frame situations. And that's no guarantee that the situations themselves won't overwhelm you. If you have a number of problems (you're poor, part of a marginalized group, physically disabled, etc.), the sheer effort of living can be too much for reframing alone to handle. Also, early childhood experiences have a tremendous impact on a person, especially interactions with parents. It's very hard for even a good therapist to achieve a similar impact. I would say, then, that a good therapist can be helpful, but expecting a 'cure' from therapy alone if your problems are serious is unrealistic.

I do believe that things like CBT, CFT, ACT, etc., are helpful, but they have to become part of your daily routine, like sticking to a good diet and getting enough exercise.

As far as OCD goes, I used Schwartz's Four Steps to learn how to manage mine. It took several months of hard work to get a handle on it, but my OCD is a lot less disruptive than it used to be. I can't guarantee you'll have the same kind of success, ofc. I don't think CBT would really be useful for OCD. CBT is more about evaluating the accuracy of your thinking, which could actually be counterproductive when it comes to OCD. You have to starve OCD, and CBT could be used to feed it.

The cost of therapy makes good therapy all but inaccessible to most people, I imagine. I only managed to get two years of therapy because my therapist took me on pro bono (and she had to drop me eventually). I think the focus on "rapid cures" also negatively impacts the mental health industry. Most problems can't be quickly or easily solved with a few weeks of training in CBT or a prescription for antidepressants and it's ludicrous to think that they can. Also, a lot of therapists are just bad at what they do. Any therapist that accuses you of "not wanting to get better" is a bad therapist and you should drop them.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I've been very critical of therapists (psychologists) and psychiatrists in the past - and while a few of them definitely deserved it (especially the psychiatrists), my last psychologist was great. I would never say a word against her tbh - she was not only very skilled and knowledgeable but she always tried to support me. I was very impressed with her.

I wasn't talking to her to be treated for social anxiety though - it was more just for general support and to try and help with some other underlying issues. In my case a sense of shame and self-esteem issues. She'd always reframe anything I said to back me up and try to make me stop being so hard on myself.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

CBT, or specifically, the cognitive therapy part, which involves challenging thoughts likely won't help for OCD. Back in the early 1700s when I first developed OCD, all I could access was a CBT anxiety group. That didn't go well because thought challenging is literally performing mental compulsions (oops), so yeh. (part of the goal for therapy should be in learning to tolerate uncertainty and not performing compulsions). 

Exposure and response prevention should be a part of therapy. And for me personally, acceptance has played a large part in helping me. 

Look towards acceptance and committment therapy, compassion focused therapy, exposure and response prevention (part of cbt) , and arguably, even REBT. I like the unconditional self acceptance part of REBT. 

I ****ing despised them, but high dose SSRI or, clomipramine, supposedly help. So worth a try, but I found them hellish. 

In terms of type of therapist, my experience, an actual psychologist over a therapist. They cost more but tend to be trained in different therapies, and can handle more complex presentations.


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## pillbugger (Dec 9, 2021)

The last therapist I saw when I was around 25 years old was completely useless. She had no idea what to do with me and instead, typed away at her computer. It almost seemed like she was using me to catch up on work. Made me feel like a lost cause. The psychiatrist though, was a very understanding woman.
A lot of health workers are underwhelming, unfortunately, at least where I live. My folks have also dealt with crappy, careless workers.


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## km5 (6 mo ago)

harrison said:


> I've been very critical of therapists (psychologists) and psychiatrists in the past - and while a few of them definitely deserved it (especially the psychiatrists), my last psychologist was great. I would never say a word against her tbh - she was not only very skilled and knowledgeable but she always tried to support me. I was very impressed with her.
> 
> I wasn't talking to her to be treated for social anxiety though - it was more just for general support and to try and help with some other underlying issues. In my case a sense of shame and self-esteem issues. She'd always reframe anything I said to back me up and try to make me stop being so hard on myself.


So, did she succeed in making you think and feel differently about yourself and your self esteem and symptoms and limitations and despairs?

I have spent a lifetime in therapies and nothing ever helps. They always do the same useless techniques, trying to change your thoughts by making exercises and speaking positively and if it doesn't help they will alays say that you don't want to get better because you gain something out of it. These people are simply scammers, all of them. They promise they can cure a mental illness and it NEVER happens and they never return the money, which is absurdly expensive. They are never guily if you don't feel better or get cured. You need a cure, not to feel better. It is a hellish mental illness that makes your life a constant horror and it makes you impossible also to work and survive in many, many cases, so "feeling better" is not nearly enough.

Medications and talk therapies and alternative therapies are all a scam.

I was having massive success in my professional and social life and had a model girl friend to marry crazy for me and I felt horrible anxiety and insomnia and panick attacks and sleeping terrors every single day, so success is not the answer either, I actually feel much much better in isolation and FAILURE without socializing.

These illnesses are terrible and hardly curable. It is our own personality, memories and self perception of our inferiority due to physical flaws or whatever. Being born shy, being bullied and ridiculed and humiliated once and again by peers at school, opposite sex, television, movies, families, is a life sentence in most cases.

Congratulations to those who got cured or better enough, I never did and I am very old now, and it will never happen, mental illneses are very hard to cure.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

km5 said:


> *So, did she succeed in making you think and feel differently about yourself and your self esteem and symptoms and limitations and despairs?*
> 
> I have spent a lifetime in therapies and nothing ever helps. They always do the same useless techniques, trying to change your thoughts by making exercises and speaking positively and if it doesn't help they will alays say that you don't want to get better because you gain something out of it. These people are simply scammers, all of them. They promise they can cure a mental illness and it NEVER happens and they never return the money, which is absurdly expensive. They are never guily if you don't feel better or get cured. You need a cure, not to feel better. It is a hellish mental illness that makes your life a constant horror and it makes you impossible also to work and survive in many, many cases, so "feeling better" is not nearly enough.
> 
> ...


No, she did not. But in all honesty I wouldn't expect her to be able to do that. I've had a lifetime to develop these feelings - it would be unrealistic to expect anyone to undo all that with a dozen or so therapy sessions. In her case I did appreciate talking to her though - because I know deep down what she says is true. Sometimes when I manage to relax enough I know in myself that I'm not to blame for all this - and that's basically what she was getting at. She was the nicest therapist I've had - most I had little time for.

I don't see mental illness as something to be cured. That's unrealistic. We learn ways to try and deal with it better - if we can. I also have bipolar disorder - no-one is ever going to cure me of that. But the medication lessens the mania, that's for sure.


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## m4m8 (12 mo ago)

Maybe not completely useless. I think they're good for beginners, for the people who have abolutely no idea about how to proceed with themselves. And then for people who mistakenly think they know it all themselves, but don't actually get anywhere on their own. It's good to get outside perspective when you're stuck.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

A good therapist is rare but will also not cover the entirety of your problems and thinking. People change, moods change, and therefore individual needs change all the time with people struggling with mental health. So maybe a holistic approach is best rather than "what's bothering you? Ok well let's try to fix it with A, B then C and we'll talk again." That approach seems dead-end to me honestly because it's more of the message of 'just do something' and you'll get out of it. Such a problem can be tackled head-on and it'll go away head-on. With anxiety it almost never works with just doing one or two things to combat it, you need a whole set of skills. And it just doesn't go away in one fell swoop. Depression is another monster altogether.

A better, well-trained therapist will try to listen to you and reflect back on what you're saying and respond accordingly based on what you just said. Communication is often key. But I also get the feeling that some therapists only react positively when you have good news yourself, as if they don't know how to respond to hearing anything bad.

I recently had an intake with a new therapist and when I mentioned a lack of abuse or parents staying together as opposed to bad stuff, I could hear the "Oh" as if they were like "oh that's good" but in a biased way. Made me not want to sugar coat all the bad stuff. Or maybe I should've said that I've experienced a million pet deaths just to make them speechless. It's a private thing to open up if a stranger asks you the unpleasant things you've gone through in your life. I'm just not one to babble about things because I haven't processed them properly to just casually mention it.
Sorry, tangent.


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## Redsuede (3 mo ago)

I don’t think on the whole therapy is useless, but I’ve had many encounters.


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## QuietlyLoud04 (2 mo ago)

I've only had 'results' (sort of) with one and I've seen more than I would have liked over the years. I wasn't even seeing her for a long time. I would have kept seeing her, but she moved last year. She's been the only one that has actually listened to me when I told her what I think I may need in our sessions. I told her that other stuff hasn't worked for me. I've seen 2 more since her. I'm tired now and bored. I'm really thinking about hypnosis or something at this point.


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## AlternativeTreatmentsGuy (4 mo ago)

It took a good psychoanalysis therapist for me to make a difference. CBT was much less effective. Almost not at all. I have been through countless CBT therapists.


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## Jenna (Jul 14, 2018)

There are good therapists out there, it's just so hard to find a good match. I've had several bad therapists (and dumped them pretty quickly), but I've also had good ones. It's good to let therapists know what does or does not work for you. For example, for me I hate it when therapists say any sort of invalidating remarks, such as I shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling or to just move on and deal with things. Also hate it when they say I should open up out of my shell, because that's what I've been trying to do my whole life and it's just not happening. I am a quiet person and that's my personality.


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## alwaystooquiet (2 mo ago)

CBT really helped me the first time. That was to treat my generalized anxiety disorder, which had me believing I was seriously ill and going to die at any moment. CBT showed me how much my negative thoughts directly affected my physical health, which was honestly game-changing for me. I haven't had a bad anxiety attack for a few years now because I'm able to identify my thought patterns and calm myself before they get out of control. And I did that with a therapist I didn't particularly like, whom I saw once a month for a year because that was all I could afford.

Recently, I've been trying to find a therapist to treat social anxiety disorder, and this has been more difficult for me. I find that therapists are human beings that have their own opinions and biases about things, and I can get offended easily. I don't like talking about my life because there are a lot of things about me that are "unconventional" and I ended up feeling judged in my therapy sessions for not wanting/trying to be more like "normal" people. I also felt like CBT was not as effective somehow for my social anxiety, and I think I need a different approach like something more trauma-focused.

But generally, I do believe in therapy. I don't think it's always easy to find the right therapist and treatment that is affordable. It can take a long time, which is really discouraging when you're out here struggling with your day-to-day life.


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## AlternativeTreatmentsGuy (4 mo ago)

It took me 10 years to find a good match. I think the key is not giving up while you are searching. I was manipulated (in my mind it was manipulative) to avoid analytic therapy. Otherwise it wouldn‘t have taken that long. I wanted to go analytic all along


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't think they're completely useless. Or I should say I don't think the idea of therapy is completely useless. But I do think in some cases, the concept of therapy is overrated. It is very obviously not an exact science even under the best circumstances and it worries me that people often tend to think of mental health professionals in the same way they might think of a regular MD. Where you can be very sure that if you have a bacterial infection, almost any MD worth his salt can identify the infection and prescribe a medication that will make it go away. Your thoughts are not the same thing as bacteria or a broken bone or even a bad kidney.


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