# Anyone else not benefit from therapy?



## Nevermind0 (Jul 31, 2011)

From my pre-teens up until now i've gone through about 9 therapists off and on through the years and i've found that they simply don't help me. I talk and say what is bothering me, tell them my problems but the solutions and tips they offer seem to be common sense and aren't anything i haven't thought about myself or already knew.

The last therapist i went to barely seemed to know more than i do (i don't think i know alot) and it felt absolutely pointless and like a waste of money. I saw her for a couple of months and then i just cancelled a few weeks in a row, which would terminate our contract, and that was it. As i expected i never received a call from her saying take care or something, which proves to me that she never gave a damn about me as a person, but i guess thats the way it should be.

I wish i felt therapy made me feel better or helped in some other way. Anyone else feel this way?


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## notcandace (Jul 31, 2011)

I've been in therapy four different times and I don't feel like it helped much at all. Most of the time they didn't even give me advice, but just sat there and nodded their heads. The only one I found to be even a little helpful was a CBT therapist, but I felt like I could have gotten the same help from a self-help book - and she sometimes gave me advice that I didn't think was that helpful.

However, I just started therapy again, and I'm really optimistic. I've only had one appointment, but it went exceptionally well. I just felt comfortable with her and felt like I was being way more open than I had been in the past. She also talked to me about the kind of therapy she does and the process and made it clear that if I didn't like something she was doing, to let her know. I honestly feel like she'll be able to help me. But there are a lot of reasons that I think I'll have more success with therapy this time around:

* I'm a lot more self-aware than I was in the past. I used to go into therapy with a vague idea that I just wanted to "get better." I didn't know what needed to get better, why, or how I'd get there. I'm still not sure about a lot of things, but I know the type of things that are important to talk about, and I know that if I'm not sure about something, I should ask about it.
* I know that I need to be the one doing the work. A therapist is there to help, but it's your responsibility to act on their advice, or to let them know that you need advice when they're not giving you any. I've made a lot of progress in the past couple years, when I wasn't in therapy, but now I'm having trouble figuring out what I need to do to keep making progress. That's what therapy is for...but it's up to me to act on that advice.
* I found someone I connect with! This is the most important thing. My past therapists always made me feel uncomfortable in one way or another, and I never felt like I could be open with them. This doesn't work because I would just not bother to share the things that were the most important to share - I didn't trust the therapists with that information. Now that I've found someone I'm comfortable with, that's no longer an issue, and we can work on the things that actually bother me. Finding a good therapist is really hard. The best way is to get referrals from someone you TRUST. In the past, I got my referrals from the counseling center at my university, doctors that I didn't necessarily like, or I was referred by a friend to a specific PRACTICE rather than a specific PERSON. This time a friend referred me to a therapist, our schedules conflicted, and she referred me to someone else. I think this was a better way to go because I went through someone that I already liked and had a connection with and went through specific people.

Anyway, it's possible that this won't work out for me either, but I have a very good feeling. My advice to you would be to not give up on therapy. You need to be ready for it, you need to know what to expect, you need to be open with your therapist and don't be afraid to ask questions, and you need to find the right person. But if you do those things, I don't think therapy is all bad. There must be a reason it has helped so many people.


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## decadeAndAHalfOfSA (Jul 11, 2011)

Not calling you is typical. I wouldn't say that it is necessarily a bad thing. There are probably good reasons why they don't call you. It maintains a professional vs. personal relationship.

I've been to many psychotherapists and I'll tell you something about them. There are basically two types: therapists that are proactive and push you to do homework, therapists that are lazy and just talk to you about what is going on in your life.

The type of therapist that is truly effective is the first one. You have to be willing to work hard at the homework though. Some forms of therapy are better than others. CBT works the best for people with SAD.

The second kind of therapist seems to be most common. They talk to you about your problems and what's going on and it may feel good to talk about it in the short term, but they never really solve or improve your problem and just take you money. They all charge a lot too and this second kind of therapist is a ripoff IMO. It's like buying a friend to listen to your problems.


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## decadeAndAHalfOfSA (Jul 11, 2011)

notcandace said:


> I've been in therapy four different times and I don't feel like it helped much at all. Most of the time they didn't even give me advice, but just sat there and nodded their heads. The only one I found to be even a little helpful was a CBT therapist, but I felt like I could have gotten the same help from a self-help book - and she sometimes gave me advice that I didn't think was that helpful.
> 
> However, I just started therapy again, and I'm really optimistic. I've only had one appointment, but it went exceptionally well. I just felt comfortable with her and felt like I was being way more open than I had been in the past. She also talked to me about the kind of therapy she does and the process and made it clear that if I didn't like something she was doing, to let her know. I honestly feel like she'll be able to help me. But there are a lot of reasons that I think I'll have more success with therapy this time around:
> 
> ...


I agree that a lot of their advice you can get from a self help book. I've had several make me get a certain book or workbook to read and work from. The thing is, they help make sure you do the homework and the good ones can pickup on stuff you say and correct thoughts and behavior and guide you in the right way. So, you can get a lot from a self help book, but not as much as a good therapist. You have to push yourself to do the homework too. It usually seems like repetitive B.S. too, but can pay off eventually.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

What kinds of therapists have you been to? and what for?


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## UnseenVigilante (Jan 25, 2005)

I'm seeing my first therapist, and she's been really helpful so far. We've done one session of EMDR, which made me less stressful and anxious overall. This session I just got done with, we talked about how it affected me so far. I pay 40/month for any amount of visits, so it doesn't bother me we just sat and chatted. I guess I'm fortunate to have a good therapist. She said we'll try everything that she knows to help ease anxiety, from different techniques to whatever, gave me some sites to go meet people with common interests I never knew too. Good gal. She reminds me of Bills' mother from Still Standing.


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## LynnNBoys (Jul 13, 2011)

I went to therapy in my 20s and it didn't help at all. I couldn't open up, I didn't know what to say, I wasn't comfortable, I was super stressed on the days I had therapy because I worried about thinking of something to say and we'd just be sitting there staring at each other. I tried 3 different therapists.

Then I tried again when I was 35 after I went into deep depression after my 2nd miscarriage. I knew i needed help before i did something stupid. I talked, I cried, I talked some more, I cried some more. I was able to move through my grief and found that there was still underlying depression. That's when I was officially diagnosed. I find it helpful now. I've been going on and off since then. Sometimes just the act of telling someone thoughts that I never thought I could tell anyone helps lift my depression.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I think my therapist is really helpful & supportive but doesn't always give the most profound advice. But - I do realize what kind of therapy he is practicing. He is NOT a CBT therapist - he practices Supportive Therapy. If I wanted a CBT therapist I would've gotten one. But I'm quite happy with the support I'm getting.

You can't just pick a random therapist - you need to get information about what kind of therapy they use. CBT is most supportive for SAD. Most therapists do Supportive Therapy - which usually is the ones that you think "rip you off" but really its just the type of therapy they administer. A lot of people just need support, not always the most profound advice. It's kind of like when women just want to vent to their boyfriends, but hate getting advice on how to solve it. They just want some support to get through the problem.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

decadeAndAHalfOfSA said:


> I've been to many psychotherapists and I'll tell you something about them. There are basically two types: therapists that are proactive and push you to do homework, therapists that are lazy and just talk to you about what is going on in your life.


When I finish school and start my own private practice, I want to do a solid 10 minutes of type number two, then it will be nothing but type 1 for the rest of the session. I plan to be proactive, and fight anxiety disorders head on, instead of just sitting there and letting my patients whine to me all session long accomplishing nothing. However I won't really be dealing with much PTSD patients solely, as that disorder requires a lot more of a type 2 therapist at something like id say a 25/75 of type 1 and 2 respectively of your definiton of types of therapists.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Dr House said:


> However I won't really be dealing with much PTSD patients solely, as that disorder requires a lot more of a type 2 therapist


Why do you say that? I'd think that a PTSD patient would require a lot more intensively therapy rather than just "talking about it".

I didn't know you wanted to be a therapist.. I'm in school for it too. I want to work with anxiety disorders as well. Including PTSD.


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## kitkatstar1 (Jan 9, 2010)

I've had CBT from 2 doctors and an assistant psychologist and the psychologist did a better job than the two doctors put together. Overpaid little f***ers


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

None of the ones I've seen have seemed to care. They've thought me hopeless, or they've thought too highly of themselves. The pill-pushers don't have time, of course, but the therapists should. But so many just want to take your money for 30 minutes under the holy bible of the DSM.

I've gone through all the books by now too. I'm very well-read on my therapist's account.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Meh, therapy didn't help me much either, the therapists seemed to just talk around the issue or wait for me to say a bunch of things before adding in something. Oftentimes I would talk about something that was completely not an issue at the moment, just trying to make up things to say since I'm not an open book, but after that the time would be over and nothing was really worked out. 

I understand the talk therapy part where you get things off your chest, but it's very hard to just open up if you've never opened up to anyone before. Plus, you're opening up to someone who you're not sure is even going to be able to be supportive since they know next to nothing about you... I mean, at some point you wonder, "Can you even understand the kind of problem I'm going through? Are you able to say something that would offer support." At that point, it seems they just ask us how we feel about the terrible feelings that we feel. Or.. what we think of the thoughts that we thought at the time. So yeah... How do YOU feel about that? lol


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

sanria22 said:


> Meh, therapy didn't help me much either, the therapists seemed to just talk around the issue or wait for me to say a bunch of things before adding in something. Oftentimes I would talk about something that was completely not an issue at the moment, just trying to make up things to say since I'm not an open book, but after that the time would be over and nothing was really worked out.
> 
> I understand the talk therapy part where you get things off your chest, but it's very hard to just open up if you've never opened up to anyone before. Plus, you're opening up to someone who you're not sure is even going to be able to be supportive since they know next to nothing about you... I mean, at some point you wonder, "Can you even understand the kind of problem I'm going through? Are you able to say something that would offer support." At that point, it seems they just ask us how we feel about the terrible feelings that we feel. Or.. what we think of the thoughts that we thought at the time. So yeah... How do YOU feel about that? lol


Yeah did I talk therapy, did not do much for me for the same reason. I inherently don't trust and don't open up to people, this includes people who are my best friends and family, so the idea of opening up to a stranger who is only there because I am paying is a little hard.

My first therapist was actually pretty good and I actually started to open up to her, but then she moved or something and handed me off to someone else who did the "I'm not going to say anything for an hour" trick, which made it hard for me to open up to her.

Then I had a short lapse in insurance (like I didn't have it for a week) but was out of meds so I went to see the Doc but she wouldn't even talk to me because I didn't have insurance... when my insurance kicked back in they called me and asked me to make an appointment but I never went back, in the back of my mind it was always there what if I was suicidal (which I was at the time) they would only care as long as my insurance was covered. It's kind of hard to trust someone when you have evidence that they care ONLY about our money.

I didn't do any therapy for a long time, but went back a few years ago and that Doc was basically a just my drug dealer. After the first session none of our sessions took more than 5 minutes. He would just write me some drugs and send me on my way. I know he was only in it for the money too, but I feel at least he didn't waste my time. But I quite him too.

So clearly I have issues with therapy and therapist, which is why I would like to beat my SA without therapy. I would consider therapy but only if I knew the therapist had success helping people with SA overcome it. I don't need to pay someone just so I can spend an hour venting.

I can do that here for free.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

The one thing that I found most helpful is the positivity that I got from my therapists. They used CBT on me alot! The you can do it attitude, little triumph's were seen as big things. The only thing they couldn't help me with was the anxiety once I left there. I stopped going since I realized that I didn't need it anymore. I had gone long enough and I could use the techniques that they had taught me on myself. Anytime, I doubt myself. I try to use the you can do this attitude. I have found the most helpful thing though is having a supportive friend. It's helped alot more than therapy ever could.


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## Green Eyes (Sep 6, 2009)

I have been in therapy for 4 times and it didn't helped at all. I don't think they really knew what to do with someone who has sa. At the end of one therapy, a therapist actually said that they didn't really knew what to do with me. I was so mad about that, but of course I was too afraid to say that. Didn't they could have told me that earlier. Some are really stupid!

I started CBT today. My therapist explained what the plan is and I got a workbook. I'm actually really optimistic about this one. They are also speciallised in anxiety disorders and depression. If this doesn't help to reduce my anxiety then I don't know what does.


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## SicilianuAmericanu (Jul 6, 2011)

I feel like I haven't seen the results I'd like from therapy, but at the same time I feel like if I stopped I would go crazy. I feel like she is the only person that really listens to me at all. The person that understand how bad I feel and can tell me anything positive. I feel like my family doesn't understand at all when I have an issue and a lot of the time they will just throw it back in my face and it makes me feel worse. If I didn't have therapy I may have very likely killed myself by now. That being said I have not seen as much progress as I would like, it's been 5 or 6 years I still have no friends and have never been on a date before and a lot of the time I feel like that is never going to change, but I am some what optimistic about this next school year.


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## lynnb (May 10, 2011)

decadeAndAHalfOfSA said:


> There are basically two types: therapists that are proactive and push you to do homework, therapists that are lazy and just talk to you about what is going on in your life.


I think this is correct. My therapist really pushes me to do my homework. I really get p****d off with her sometimes. It is really hard to do my homework, but she pushes and nudges me to do it. There are some things that I just can't seem to do, like engage in joyous things and inviting a coworker to lunch. I friggin' hate hearing about it every week, but I do. She says I have to push harder. :-(

I don't have a ton of experience with the other kind. I had a therapist for about a month before switching to this one. She was kind of like that. She annoyed me. I thought she was useless.

I think you also just have to be ready to open up. I was hospitalized when I was 9 because I tried to kill myself. The whole month I was there, I never talked to the therapist. I just sat there the whole time and refused to talk. Finally, they just gave up and sent me home. In college, I tried therapy. I was so awkward and uncomfortable, when it was over, I just RAN and didn't look back. I wasn't ready. Now, I really feel like I can't go on any more and this is my last hope. It has me pretty motivated to open up.

I wish I had been ready earlier, but sometimes fear is just really strong.


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## decadeAndAHalfOfSA (Jul 11, 2011)

I've been listening to these lately and they have some good advice.

A complete audio series (twenty sessions), 
composed of comprehensive cognitive-behavioral therapy 
specifically designed and structured to help overcome social anxiety disorder.​ Overcoming Social Anxiety:
Step By Step

http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/audioseries.html

They are $250 though. There are copies of them floating around on the net, but don't ask me where. Pay for them if you can and want to try them.


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## determination (Jul 22, 2011)

Therapy can point you in the right direction but in the end you are the only one who can overcome your anxiety


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror (Aug 15, 2011)

determination said:


> Therapy can point you in the right direction but in the end you are the only one who can overcome your anxiety


Thanks for the reassuring encouragements because atm I can't afford it really...


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## determination (Jul 22, 2011)

GTK said:


> Thanks for the reassuring encouragements because atm I can't afford it really...


Hey man if you really can't afford therapy buy some self help books or audio therapy (The Feel Good Handbook etc) and if you can't afford that download a torrent of an audio series like Dr Thomas Richard's Overcoming Social Anxiety. If you can afford it you can donate to his site and even buy it one day when you have enough money (it's like $300) but yeah Dr Thomas Richard's program really can help your social anxiety but don't torrent it unless you really can't pay for it.

Tbh as well I think therapy is essential but my point was that you can't expect the therapy to do the work for you. It's just a map of how to get where you want to get, you have to make the journey.


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror (Aug 15, 2011)

determination said:


> Hey man if you really can't afford therapy buy some self help books or audio therapy (The Feel Good Handbook etc) and if you can't afford that download a torrent of an audio series like Dr Thomas Richard's Overcoming Social Anxiety. If you can afford it you can donate to his site and even buy it one day when you have enough money (it's like $300) but yeah Dr Thomas Richard's program really can help your social anxiety but don't torrent it unless you really can't pay for it.
> 
> Tbh as well I think therapy is essential but my point was that you can't expect the therapy to do the work for you. It's just a map of how to get where you want to get, you have to make the journey.


Awesome I'll look him up! Thanks!

EDIT: This looks good... http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org


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## bob_sleigh (Oct 31, 2008)

I saw a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) therapist and she just seemed to be way out of her depth, she couldn't handle it that I kept asking questions, contradicting the CBT 'strategies' and challenging the very frustrating and frankly useless theories of CBT. After a good few sessions with her I gave up on her and since then, a year or two ago, have been seeing a spiritually-based psychotherapist who has been excellent. Progress isn't always as fast as I would have liked it to be and I'm still not quite there yet, but then trying to undo or overcome all of your life up until this point isn't going to happen overnight. In summary, CBT bad, psychotherapy good.


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## bob_sleigh (Oct 31, 2008)

I'm also of the opinion that any kind of therapy that doesn't involve another person (medication, self-help, etc) is ultimately useless and either short-term relief or delusional, or both. Waste you $300 on a few sessions rather than a CD.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

When I'm in group or individual therapy I have a huge desire/obsession with wanting to discuss the validity, efficacy and evidence of the different treatments and theories of mental illness. I find the other stuff pretty useless and boring except if the psychiatrist has a relaxing voice and does some of the relaxation/mindfulness stuff because it feels like a temporary "mental massage". The good thing is it's all free for me.


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