# 4 Years in College, 0 Friends



## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

I've spent 4 years in college and I still can't make a single friend no matter what I do.



I've tried being talkative and social - people think I'm annoying.

I've tried being friendly and helpful - people think I'm weird or creepy.

I've tried being quiet and witty - people think I'm antisocial or arrogant.

I've tried being confident and fun - people think I'm a poser.



I swear I've tried so hard just to make a single friend but it's like there's something wrong with me. After all my tries, I still can't make a single freaking friend. What the hell?


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## COS3 (Dec 6, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear this about you, you can't find any friends??? Anyone who share the same interest? For example if someone plays video games and u do too, try talking to them about it, and there's always a few nice people in college, try to observe and see which ones are nicer


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

I know how you feel man, I've been at university for 4 years and I have no friends either. It just saps out any will to do anything. What's the point in trying to get good grades, or looking after yourself when the whole thing is ****ing pointless in the end? Is it worth it to have a long life with a physically healthy body if you have no friends?


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## yummyfunnybones (Dec 2, 2013)

What college do you go to??? It doesn't sound very appealing! lol


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## COS3 (Dec 6, 2013)

apx24 said:


> I know how you feel man, I've been at university for 4 years and I have no friends either. It just saps out any will to do anything. What's the point in trying to get good grades, or looking after yourself when the whole thing is ****ing pointless in the end? Is it worth it to have a long life with a physically healthy body if you have no friends?


You dont know the whole thing is ****ing pointless in the end, because you're still in college, once you grow up, these things start to fade away because people become more mature


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

COS3 said:


> I'm sorry to hear this about you, you can't find any friends??? Anyone who share the same interest? For example if someone plays video games and u do too, try talking to them about it, and there's always a few nice people in college, try to observe and see which ones are nicer


I've put in a _lot _of effort into just trying to make a single friend, and I always get depressed when I see people getting along really well on the first day of class.

I've tried joining conversations when the timing felt right (so that it wouldn't feel like I was eavesdropping). I swear _every_ time, people just give me the same response: blank face (no sign of empathy or enthusiasm to talk to you), no eye contact, emotionless "oh yeah...", and they'd do stuff to try to get you to stop talking to them.

I've tried asking people questions about school or homework to make conversation, but people always give me short, cold answers and try to end things quick.

My college also has money problems, so a lot of clubs have trouble getting sponsored.

So to me, after hundreds of different tries, approaches, and people, I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'd see people hanging out and going to parties within two weeks of meeting each other and it blows my mind because I've really tried to make friends for _four_ years but no one even wants to talk to me unless it has something to do with homework.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

I don't think it's _that _uncommon. I know several guys who went through 4 years of college and made no friends.


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## COS3 (Dec 6, 2013)

Try observing the people and see what you're missing that they have. Whether it is smiling, eye contact, etc. try not to be too desperate. Try to be funny, they can't not laugh when someone makes a joke, or at least they'll hide it but they'll still laugh in the inside. Try not to just blurt out in the middle of their conversation but inside stalk them and see what they like and pretend to talk about it alone but purposely let them hear about it. For example if they like the walking dead tv show. Try murmuring it to yourself something about the show and make sure they hear you. This is a better way to talk to people rather than in the middle of their conversation


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## I Lurk Life (Oct 9, 2013)

blue_blue said:


> I don't think it's _that _uncommon. I know several guys who went through 4 years of college and made no friends.


For me, this stuff really hurts. I look at college as a major crossroad in your life, where so much about yourself is up in the air (i.e. the transition to adulthood, independence from parents, your own personal plans and goals, etc.).

I've never had a single friend in my entire life. I also have a dysfunctional family that's falling apart and just glued together right now. I've had a lot of people take advantage of my ability to help them with homework and they'd make fun of me right in my face as I'd be helping them with their homework. I've had people tell me, "If you don't finish this by tomorrow, then I won't be your 'friend' anymore" despite always treating me like crap.

I've been bullied all throughout my life. People would tell me to "quit life" every day and sometimes people would try to shove me down some stairs. I don't have anyone who has my back and it looks like I'm going to be bumming around some place by myself for Christmas this year.

I thought that college would be this huge "opportunity", but it didn't really pan out for me.. no matter what I did.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

same here man, if you don't network in college, you are really just using 10% of what you have paid for


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I never made any friends either at college. I didn't really talk all that much to my classmates and my major was a big one, so you weren't with the same people over and over in classes. You might see a few familiar faces but there were people in the same class as me 4 times that I had never spoken a word to. And it's a major that people don't really have passion for. Everyone is there because they couldn't decide on what to major in or they just want to get a job after college.

My old roommate's major was much much smaller and it's something that most are passionate about. So she was with many of the same people in 2 or 3 classes almost every semester. And they had lots of long, involved group projects. She made friends real quick. Even went to clubs and out to eat with the group members. My major only had a few group presentations here and there. So not much socializing and in some we only had one meeting. We just did everything over google docs. 

Only in a few of my Japanese classes did I sort of get to know a couple people. Never became friends though. I've only gone to junior colleges and to a commuter university so there wasn't all that much school spirit.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I think this can easily happen to be honest, I was pretty lucky because some people on my course at uni went out of their way to befriend me and were really receptive/wanting friends. It does seem it's much easier if you cement these things early on unfortunately too. (Though not impossible later.)

Sometimes people are just completely unreceptive to making friends and such though. I find that's usually true if most people live locally and have local friends already.

Oh also sometimes people don't want to make friends on their course so you'll have to look elsewhere. I knew someone in uni doing another degree and she only had like one friend on her course because other people were apparently uninterested in being friends. Sometimes people view their course-mates as co-workers, which makes sense on some level maybe but it sucks since it's one of the easiest way to make friends.

How much longer do you have there? Maybe you could sign up to some societies/clubs etc and try there? (unless you already have)


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## Nessie91 (Jan 5, 2012)

Don't be a pushover. Next time someone asks for help with their homework, tell them to do it themselves. Once you become more assertive, people may respect you more. How could someone make fun of you whilst you're helping them? That's disgraceful. 

I don't have friends either. I have acquaintances in school that I tolerate and make pointless small talk with.. I have no intention of ever seeing these people again when school's finished. Same goes for a lot of college students. I lost contact with all my old friends once high school finished.


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## MrOblivious (Jul 13, 2013)

I went to college for four years and didn't make a single friend either. Don't worry, you're not alone. I'm sure it's happened to many other people.


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## Rich19 (Aug 11, 2012)

I used to be like that. Not that i'm much more successful with friends I just don't care that much anymore.
Even if you are friendly if you don't follow social norms ppl will find you creepy and if you just talk about work ppl may find you depressing.

Are you just talking to cute girls? If so there not gng think your just after friendship which can make you seem even more creepy unless your insanely attractive


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## tooafraid (Nov 22, 2013)

Same here. 5 years in college, 0 actual friends, never went to a party.


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## Edwolf (Dec 6, 2013)

that really sucks man... i really feel for you


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## Lodestar (Nov 17, 2013)

I've been at uni four years doing a course that's supposed to take three (I dropped out the first year so I guess that doesn't really count), and haven't made a single friend. I made some short-term acquaintances earlier on but now I start trembling half the time if I even talk to someone one on one. I don't even go to tutorials any more...


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I basically studied 24/7 during my undergrad and didn't even have time to think about a social life. So I sort of know the feeling. Everybody claims how easy it is to make friends in university but that seriously was the last thing on my mind.


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## Lodestar (Nov 17, 2013)

One main reason why I couldn't make friends even when I only had comparatively mild social anxiety was that doing an arts course there's barely any class time anyway. Just four 50 minute tutorials a week was not enough time for me to get to know anyone. In high school I would observe people for weeks to get to know them before I decided to talk to them at all.


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## AimeeKim (Oct 12, 2013)

nothing else said:


> I basically studied 24/7 during my undergrad and didn't even have time to think about a social life. So I sort of know the feeling. Everybody claims how easy it is to make friends in university but that seriously was the last thing on my mind.


Same here, I'm working towards a bio degree and I can spend so much time studying, there's always stuff to memorize. It helps take up a lot of time, and also people in my classes are competitive. So I've not had much time to feel really regretful for having no friends. I only get lonely on Fridays, because people in class always joke about going out drinking together on Friday nights :/


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

College really isn't a good place to "make friends." People just stick to their own little cliques, from what I've seen.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

I swear, it's ****ing impossible to make friends, when I did try to make an effort to talk to people they weren't interested in friendship. **** this, I go days here without talking to a single soul.

The only person here who talks to me is a guy who works at the local fast food restaurant, and that's only because I go there many times a week to eat away my depression.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

If you take a look at history. Some people are destined to have cancer and die at an early age. Some people are destined to be rich in money and relationships and become happy for the rest of their lives while some people like us are just destined to be alone and friendless no matter what we do. 

That is life.


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## Ichigo91 (Feb 21, 2012)

Life sucks and this whole existence should just burn to hell!


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

16 y spent in school and 0 friends. So yes, I know it sucks.


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## Sun Burst (Dec 8, 2013)

Rich19 said:


> I used to be like that. Not that i'm much more successful with friends I just don't care that much anymore.
> Even if you are friendly if you don't follow social norms ppl will find you creepy and if you just talk about work ppl may find you depressing.


This.

Im mostly not caring nowadays cause im just too complex for others. I just dont think its bad. You just didnt find the right people cause you are probably more unique.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Ive been in college for 11 years going on 12 years and not even made one real friend just one that I would act cool around and hang out.



Setolac said:


> If you take a look at history. Some people are destined to have cancer and die at an early age. Some people are destined to be rich in money and relationships and become happy for the rest of their lives while some people like us are just destined to be alone and friendless no matter what we do.
> 
> That is life.


There are reasons. :yes .Religion, science, or whatever. Its life I do agree. Some people are lucky to be independently wealthy, live very long lives, have what others wished they had. But everyone deserves to be happy regardless of social biases, social constructs, life experiences whether fortunate or unfortunate.


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## needausername (Dec 7, 2013)

Loner in college. Went to two parties. My college was the opposite of a party school - lots of people who focus on their studies and some who play video games. But I wasn't void of social interaction as I played an MMORPG.


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## thetwiglet (Dec 8, 2013)

I've been in university for two years and I have no friends either. I have a few acquaintances like my lab partner or other people I was initially forced to work with, but it rarely extends beyond that. It makes me sad because I had high hopes for university, and I know once it's over I will never get the opportunity again. I think some of us should remember that, as sombre as it is.


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## thetwiglet (Dec 8, 2013)

CopadoMexicano said:


> Ive been in college for 11 years going on 12 years and not even made one real friend just one that I would act cool around and hang out.


That's a long time to be in college. Do you attend full time?


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## jjh87 (Oct 25, 2012)

I Lurk Life said:


> I've spent 4 years in college and I still can't make a single friend no matter what I do.
> 
> I've tried being talkative and social - people think I'm annoying.
> 
> ...


I'm only in my first year of university but I have similar experiences. Recently I met someone and a mutual friend told me that she thought I was arrogant. I'm not arrogant and I think very little of myself normally. I hate judgmental people.


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## BeautifulRuin (Aug 5, 2013)

same here.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

U have God as a friend


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

thetwiglet said:


> That's a long time to be in college. Do you attend full time?


Yeah I dont go full time anymore only part time.


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## Midwesterner (Aug 30, 2013)

We live in a society of cliques. If you aren't in a clique, you are seen as an outsider by everyone. That's why I'm looking into joining social clubs so I can get into a circle of friends (clique). 

People give you weird looks because they don't know you. People fear what they don't know. 

I'm convinced the only way to get anywhere socially is to become part of a group and spend hours getting to know them. That was the only way I've ever had friends in life. 

The odds of landing a cold approach friend aren't very good unless you have a ton of social confidence or very good looks. You need to be doing the same thing that you both think is cool or you'll just be some unusual person selling something they don't want.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I'm really sorry to hear that.

I'm in my 2nd year of uni and the whole experience so far has been draining. Worst of all, tuition expenses are high and I live in the city. Parents and family friends are constantly bickering why I haven't been going out and taking advantage of the city. If they're looking down on me for that, they'd also complain about my lack of friends which is precisely why I lie to them about having friends. Overall it's been a mixture of guilt, depression, stress and doubt.

It's hard to imagine going through this for another 2 years. Hang in there OP, I hope your situation improves soon.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Maybe don't try so hard, just be yourself act natural. Maybe be like George Costanza off seinfield in one episode he says he has no luck with anything in life so he decides he's going to do the exact opposite of what he normally does. So he approaches this attractive woman and says to her 'hi my name's george i'm unemployed and i live with my parents.' and she's like 'oh hi' in a real friendly way and they hit it off, and for the rest of the episode he just does the total opposite of what he's normally done and he has lots of good luck.
Anyway its a funny episode but maybe there could be a good idea there somewhere.


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## caius timidus (Aug 19, 2010)

I completely understand you point. I really didn't make friends in four years of university, either. I can't say I tried "everything", but I have often attempted to speak to classmates after a lecture. I agree they aren't very receptive. I know one problem of mine is I usually try to strike up a conversation (which goes badly) rather than just flat out ask them if I can meet them at x after class or do y activity with them.


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## jimmysheva (Nov 20, 2013)

when i finished college, i made 0 real friends and about 10-15 online friends who i never meet


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