# My story and how I got rid of SA



## madsv

I know I am a fairly new user here but thought I would share my story with you.

In secondary school I was bullied quite a lot. I had epilepsy and I wore glasses, so I was an easy target, also because my parents got divorced at the same time I was diagnosed. The bullying was mainly psychological and was a very rough time especially because my father was I lived at was too weak to do anything about it or move me to another school and also because it was also some of the teachers who bullied, the ones you normally should trust. I therefore had a very hard time in my school year. At the same time with being bullied I also gained weight so I got up to 110 kg.

At high school I got some friends and started talking a little more, but I was still afraid, I was still not talking with people and still very closed. I was not bullied there but still didn’t feel part of a group, which I think is very typical for an SA. I always had a very hard time going to school parties ect. I never felt like going, because I thought, people will probably think I am strange, stupid, ugly, all the bad words you can think of.

At one point I was at the doctor to talk to him about that I didn’t feel good in social situations. He gave me some pills and told me that I should take these and then let me know how it worked. I took some and went to a family party where I actually felt ok, not super but at least better than normal. I asked the doctor what the pills was, and he said, well they have done nothing, it is just placebo. I just wanted you to realize that everything is something happening in your head. Well I didn’t really believe him at that time because I thought it sounded quite weird. Because I knew there were something wrong with me, I was quite certain about it. 

A short time after I saw an advertisement for a job as customer supporter in Malta. I thought I wanted to try to apply because I didn’t have a job and maybe it could be a way to fight my thoughts. I applied and got the job. It was quite scary to move to a completely new country. I am from Denmark and Malta is about 3½ hours of flight from Denmark. I should work with Danish, Australian and Maltese people there. At first it was scary but I gave it a chance. It was hard to be yelled at in the phone and to call other people, but I forced myself to do it. In the start I really didn’t go to the parties, but one of my friends asked me one day why I don’t go, and I said that, well you are probably not missing me. He said sure hell we are. You are a part of the group, so I thought oh well, he is just feeling sorry for me but well let me try to go. I started to go to a couple of parties and things slowly went better. I started to be able to talk with people and having fun. My friend also helped me to buy some new clothes, get a new haircut etc because I was always thinking, I don’t want to do any change, because then they will just comment on it, and it will probably be bad. 

Well again that was a lie. People thought it was nice. I had also always thought I was the most boring person in the world, who could have been accused by the Sahara to be drier than it. Again I was wrong and again it was something in my head. 

One thing that gave me a big boost was a day I was at a friend 30 year birthday. We were at a some kind of exclusive nightclub in Malta and it was actually quite fun. I went home earlier than the others because I don’t drink so much normally. Then some of my friends next day told me that the two of the girls there, had asked him, where I went because they thought I was cute and fun to be with. I know it was a little thing, but they had never met me, and it made me very happy I made a good impression. My friend had told me a while before this that most people make their first impression of a person in about 30 sec , and I have always remembered that. 

I later moved back to Malta as I wanted to study economics and law on the university but decided to try online dating. But I had never kissed anyone and was a virgin but I thought well they can take it or leave it, I cant change that fact that I am a virgin I said to myself. I then got in contact with a Brazilian woman and we spoke for about 2 months. Then I decided to go to Rio de Janeiro. At that time I had started a job working with marketing and I could work from wherever I wanted to work. I went to Rio and well it went pretty well. We got our civil wedding in Denmark and November last year and had the religious wedding in Brazil about 3 weeks ago. 

What I want to say with this is that it is possible to get better but you have to work for it. It requires a lot of work and there will be a lot of tears. It won’t happen on some days, for me it took over 2 years. But it was worth to spend these 2 years to get a more happy life.


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## matty

Respect and thank you for sharing your story. 

I am nowhere near a finishline but I know the fight I have put in and will continue to put in. Easy does not come to mind


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## madsv

matty said:


> Respect and thank you for sharing your story.
> 
> I am nowhere near a finishline but I know the fight I have put in and will continue to put in. Easy does not come to mind


Thank you very much buddy. I am glad you could use my story.

And yes are right, nothing comes easy


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## eek a mouse

Parabens!!! 

Great story man, and I think ppl should take note that sometimes we want better results without making any changes....which is impossible.


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## madsv

eek a mouse said:


> Parabens!!!
> 
> Great story man, and I think ppl should take note that sometimes we want better results without making any changes....which is impossible.


Obrigado and tak (tak is Thanks in Danish  )

And you are absolutely right. You need to work with yourself to change and it is only yourself who can do it


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## beethoven

Hey, congrats on the progress!

By reading your story I have no doubt you improved immensely, but I wonder, do really feel your got rid of your SA? 

The reason I ask this is because I have made a lot of progress in the last few years but I still struggle in many social situations. 

I have no problems getting into relationships because I have physical attributes that are considered attractive to many girls, so that kind of gives me a little bit of confidence around them. But simple things like going out for a beer with co-workers make me feel anxious and I just can't relax and be myself. 

P.S.: I hope you were nowhere near the shooting that happened in Rio yesterday.


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## sherbert

That's an awesome story and I love hearing about people living abroad. Thanks for sharing!


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## madsv

beethoven said:


> Hey, congrats on the progress!
> 
> By reading your story I have no doubt you improved immensely, but I wonder, do really feel your got rid of your SA?
> 
> The reason I ask this is because I have made a lot of progress in the last few years but I still struggle in many social situations.
> 
> I have no problems getting into relationships because I have physical attributes that are considered attractive to many girls, so that kind of gives me a little bit of confidence around them. But simple things like going out for a beer with co-workers make me feel anxious and I just can't relax and be myself.
> 
> P.S.: I hope you were nowhere near the shooting that happened in Rio yesterday.


Hey beethoven

Thanks buddy

Yeah I really do. For instance at the wedding I had to give my vows to my wife while about 100 people were listening and it went very fine. I was only a little nervous but that was mainly because of all the emotions there are in you when you get married.

I feel good in social situations, I will probably never be the one who dance on the tables but else I feel quite good but it took a long time for me to feel good.

I am glad to her you feel progress. The rest will come 

About going out with friends. I have no problem with it but I had in the start but it slowly got better. What you need to realize is that you also are a cool person. No one will think bad of you if you should make a mistake, they have probably made even worse once 

Yeah it was really horrible last night. It was in the west and we live in the center/north so it is a bit from here.


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## madsv

sherbert said:


> That's an awesome story and I love hearing about people living abroad. Thanks for sharing!


Thanks Sherbert

I love living in other countries too. I think I have learned a lot by doing it


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## rfc

Thanks for sharing! 

Greeetings from Norway!


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## madsv

Thanks rfc

Glad you could use it


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## ilsr

Great story. Sometimes working in different places and different cultures helps. Or lucky to find a friend who really helps. Instead of "friends" who just use you.

Being in California, the job market sucks. They pay college grads the same as high school grads. A tech job is paid almost as low as working at a fast food like McDonalds these days. And government jobs pay a lot better, but they don't accept anyone unless you know someone. And it's closed now since the government has run so much debt and wasteful spending.


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## madsv

ils25r said:


> Great story. Sometimes working in different places and different cultures helps. Or lucky to find a friend who really helps. Instead of "friends" who just use you.
> 
> Being in California, the job market sucks. They pay college grads the same as high school grads. A tech job is paid almost as low as working at a fast food like McDonalds these days. And government jobs pay a lot better, but they don't accept anyone unless you know someone. And it's closed now since the government has run so much debt and wasteful spending.


Thanks buddy

You are absolutely right.

Sorry to hear about your situation. For me it really doesnt make any sense that you need to know one to get a government job. Wouldnt it be best for the country to get the best candidates and not the ones that are the most social?


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