# Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?



## Johnny1234 (Nov 16, 2006)

Since living in a dorm basically forces you to talk to other people, would that help or make my sa worse? I really want to live in a dorm my first year, but i dont know if my parents will let me...


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

could go either way! For me, after the whole experience, sa wasn't dramatically different.

But I did notice the first few weeks I was there it was good for me because it got me out of staying in my room all the time and it got me talking to people more.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Thats why I chose to live on campus, hoping it would help with SA. I agree, it can go either way. 

I enjoy living in a dorm, though I still don't talk much more with other people. I found that my SA did improve at the beginning, but after a while you get used to stuff and it can set back in.


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

It really depends on so many things, and one of the factors is who you end up with for a roommate, who your neighbors are, etc. If you can fill out a form that explains your interests, that might help with the roommate part.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

It really doesn't force you to talk to people anymore than anywhere else.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



ColdFury said:


> It really doesn't force you to talk to people anymore than anywhere else.


Agreed. All I did was go straight from my room to classes and back.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Almost all of the freshmen at my college lived in dorms. I ended up living in an apartment. 

It seems like most friendships started in the dorms, which is why I kind of regretted missing the experience. When I really think about it though, I realize I probably would've been a loner either way


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I spent 3 years in the Navy, living in barracks. During Boot Camp, it was 1 big room with 74 roommates some of whom snored. After that it was alwas a room with either 2 or 4 occupants. The head (bathroom) was down the hall. Living in a dorm gives more opportunity for social interaction. It can also cause you to further isolate yourself. It's pretty much up to you. If you talk to people and join into activities then living in a dorm can help. If you sequester yourself in your room and avoid your annoying roommate, then it won't help.

The choice is up to you.


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

I dont know, but for me, living on my own has probably helped my anxiety.


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## Nate19 (Jan 21, 2007)

You know that the most effective treatment for SA is exposure therapy, right? So think of living in a dorm would be a motivator to get rid of your SA because, in a dorm, there are people all around you and you constantly get exposed to the thing you fear the most. So, you are kind of forced to talk to other people. It helped me a lot.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



Nate19 said:


> You know that the most effective treatment for SA is exposure therapy, right? So think of living in a dorm would be a motivator to get rid of your SA because, in a dorm, there are people all around you and you constantly get exposed to the thing you fear the most. So, you are kind of forced to talk to other people. It helped me a lot.


I live in a dorm for 4 years and it only made my SA much worse. The exposure did nothing.


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## Nate19 (Jan 21, 2007)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



ColdFury said:


> Nate19 said:
> 
> 
> > You know that the most effective treatment for SA is exposure therapy, right? So think of living in a dorm would be a motivator to get rid of your SA because, in a dorm, there are people all around you and you constantly get exposed to the thing you fear the most. So, you are kind of forced to talk to other people. It helped me a lot.
> ...


Did you try to talk to people?


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



Nate19 said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > Nate19 said:
> ...


Yes, but after being laughed at and put down, and suffering many many panic attacks, I stopped.


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## terra (Feb 12, 2007)

I live in a dorm. I share a "cluster" with eight other girls, they all have a roommate and we share a lounge; I am the odd one out (I have my own room). It has not made me social. I thought it would. After all, it is kind of like I'm sharing an apartment with eight other girls. But I usually keep my door shut. I just can't get over my social anxiety!!! :sigh They used to invite me to watch tv with them (they have a "Grey's Anatomy" night), but they don't anymore because I always have some excuse for why I can't watch tv. I want to! I want to talk with them and bond and go places and be one of the girls! But...I...just...can't.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

GraceLikeRain said:


> It really depends on so many things, and one of the factors is who you end up with for a roommate, who your neighbors are, etc. If you can fill out a form that explains your interests, that might help with the roommate part.


It does matter a lot, but 75% of the time when I was in the dorms it was good.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I lived at home pretty much because I didn't want to experience dorm life. I enjoyed living at home, yet I wonder what my "college experience" would've been like had I gotten more involved. Try to take these things into consideration.


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## Nate19 (Jan 21, 2007)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



terra said:


> I live in a dorm. I share a "cluster" with eight other girls, they all have a roommate and we share a lounge; I am the odd one out (I have my own room). It has not made me social. I thought it would. After all, it is kind of like I'm sharing an apartment with eight other girls. But I usually keep my door shut. I just can't get over my social anxiety!!! :sigh They used to invite me to watch tv with them (they have a "Grey's Anatomy" night), but they don't anymore because I always have some excuse for why I can't watch tv. I want to! I want to talk with them and bond and go places and be one of the girls! But...I...just...can't.


I used to be the same way. I too also had my own room which was right next to the lounge so people always invited me to attend some of their events with them. At first I was soooo terrified and made many excuses "I have to work on a major English paper tonight so maybe tomorrow." was my most common. I sat in my room one night and thought to myself "How am I any different from them? I am not" So I physically forced myself to open the door and join them. I just sat in the lounge with everybody else and watched the O.C. right in front of everybody. Even though I knew nothing about the show people did not care. I heard not one negative comment about me or anything of that matter. So what was I afraid of? humiliation? Yeah, everybody gets humiliated in their life. Embarrassment? How could you embarrass yourself watching TV? So there is nothing to be afraid of. Just be yourself and remember, you cannot get along with everybody, nobody can, so just go for it and have a great time.


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## nahly5 (Jan 23, 2007)

It helped me once i got a cool roomate. It made it easier to meet people because he would bring people over and i eventual got to know them and become good friends with some of them. I still go to school but i don't live in the dorms anymore, wish i still did now though.


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## ~*~Shine~*~ (Jan 31, 2006)

Sometimes it depends on how the dorm is set up. With the university I'm going to now the dorm is very small so you can't avoid social interaction. It has definitely helped me a lot.


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## lonewolf42 (Sep 10, 2006)

I spent last year in a dorm, and this year I'm living by myself, but mostly because I don't like sharing a room w/ someone, regardless of SA, and the singles are too expensive. Anyway, dorms don't necessarily force you interact or even talk more w/ people. They do, however, offer you more opportunities for socializing and in some cases force you to deal with social situations... that's not to say you'll engage, rather than escape, from these situations. I remember the first week, everyone had their doors open and they would just walk to the neighbor's room and talk to each other. I highly suggest just going around w/ your roommate, getting to know the people around you. I never did this, because he had been there a week or so before I even got there, and I was too afraid to go by myself, since it was a co-ed dorm and mostly girls lived around me.

Another factor is your roommate. I had nothing in common with my roommate, but I kinda shut him out, since I was on the computer and on voice chat talking to my online friends most of the time. It's basically like being on the phone all the time. Looking back, that was kinda rude of me. I should just suggested we go do something some times.

Anyway, dorms will be what you make of them. Try to enter a freshman dorm, where everyone's a little more anxious and more eager to make friends. I entered an upperclass dorm, so everyone was already accustomed to college. I think the freshman experience would really help if you just relax and try to hang out w/ people.


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## Johnny1234 (Nov 16, 2006)

Aight so from what you guys said, it depends if you engage or not. What do you think if I got my own place, it would be cheaper, and I wouldnt be throwing money away, id be investing it...plus I can get a roomate as well so he can help me pay for it.


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## AhWen123 (Feb 27, 2007)

I think a better question is - will living in a dorm help more with SA than living off-campus? Am I more likely to make friends living in a dorm than living off-campus?

In either case, I think your odds are better in a dorm than off-campus. Living in a dorm naturally removes many (but not all) of the common obstacles when you try to meet new people. You have a million different valid excuses to talk to people, and the odds are lot better that you'll have something in common (age, major, classes, favorite car/music/movie/etc). If you're the type of person that just takes time to open up to people, you actually get that luxury in a dorm. 

It does take some work, and it doesn't always work out, but I met some of my best friends in a dorm. There were awkward moments when I wanted to go hide in a corner (and everyone had those moments), but they don't seem so bad now and we just laugh about them when we reminisce.


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## eyedlemon (Jan 11, 2007)

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken"
-Fight Club

In other words, simply putting yourself in a dorm won't magically cure your SA. You can try all you want to force yourself into social situations, but you'll probably just reject the environment unless you change yourself from the inside --> out first. I know I've tried similar things my whole life...organized sports, school dances, clubs--and I have generally bad memories of all those things. Then again, some people seem to "blossom" (I hate that word) in college. That person may be you.

Personally, I would have hated the dorms. They're cramped, noisy, and sometimes stinky. My gf lived in them for two years and couldn't wait to get out. She doesn't have SA, but was somewhat of a home-body and wasn't big on dorm events and activities either. On the other hand, she had a really sweet roommate and they are both really close friends now. Dorm life is a very structured lifestyle and I'm way too independent to be happy with it. Unless you're required to, or you like eating your meals only at scheduled times, I'd skip out on dorms.


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## Steve85 (Oct 11, 2006)

It's more than just being exposed to social interactions though. The reason why we experience SA is because of our negative thinking. In order to get over SA we have to change our thinking habits. You can expose yourself to anxiety causing situations until you are blue in the face, but unless you actively try to change your thoughts about these situations, then you won't get any better. As people with SA, we have been exposed to anxiety situations for a very very long time now. And why hasn't it gotten any better? Because we are continuing to think in the same negative way about these situations. Our brain has been conditioned to think negatively, expect failure, and expect anxiety in certain situations. This is what needs to be reprogrammed.

Usually exposure therapy is done gradually starting with small stuff. Success builds upon success. The dorm does offer a good variety of social interactions that you can practice with, though. Exposure therapy is very effective, but it must be done right or it won't do much.


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## Nate19 (Jan 21, 2007)

*Re: re: Do you think living in a dorm would help me with sa?*



Steve85 said:


> It's more than just being exposed to social interactions though. The reason why we experience SA is because of our negative thinking. In order to get over SA we have to change our thinking habits. You can expose yourself to anxiety causing situations until you are blue in the face, but unless you actively try to change your thoughts about these situations, then you won't get any better. As people with SA, we have been exposed to anxiety situations for a very very long time now. And why hasn't it gotten any better? Because we are continuing to think in the same negative way about these situations. Our brain has been conditioned to think negatively, expect failure, and expect anxiety in certain situations. This is what needs to be reprogrammed.
> 
> Usually exposure therapy is done gradually starting with small stuff. Success builds upon success. The dorm does offer a good variety of social interactions that you can practice with, though. Exposure therapy is very effective, but it must be done right or it won't do much.


I agree. Instead of throwing yourself in a group of kids, start small such as introducing yourself to one person and see how far that goes.


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## DonnaAnna (Dec 3, 2006)

Living in a dorm?
Well to be honest, in my case it was like taking a novice swimmer and throwing them into the deep end of the pool in hopes of inspiring them to learn how to swim. 
I did drown. There were some good times and bad times. But most of what I have with me now are bad memories. But strangely, I'm thankful because it helped me realize how bad my SA was. In high school I was able to stay within by circle of friends and rarely if ever was I out of this comfort zone. My freshman year in a dormitory was a shock.


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## Ccox (Mar 17, 2007)

I'd say everyone is right about it going either way. It depends on how you react to being around people in the dorms. It will give you more chances though, like they've said.

Living in a dorm might also be better than living in an apartment because it's easier to manage. Starting college was really stressful for me, I went through a couple of jobs etc.. if you have an apartment you'll have further stress from having to pay the rent every month instead of every semester. In the dorms you'll always have that meal plan.. in an apartment you'll have to buy and cook your own food every night. If you're like me, the stability of the dorms will help you when your anxiety gets bad.


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## Vade (Mar 11, 2006)

As many others have said, it depends. 

Living in a dorm my first year caused me to further withdraw into myself, and my inability to make friends also resulted in me questioning my sanity on multiple occasions. I purposely chose a single, so I'm sure that didn't help, but the few times I did attempt to interact with my other suite-mates ended up being disasters. This is my second year at college and right now I'm in an apartment with three other people. While it has gone a little more smoothly than last year, I feel even more trapped with everything being smaller and fewer people. 

SA is a very complex issue, and that whole "sink or swim" approach, in my opinion, isn't always the best option and could ultimately make matters worse given the nature of this problem. Results will vary, of course; I believe much of it has to do with how you react to the situations you're in and if you're willing to endure the trials of a new environment. Personally, though, I'm choosing single rooms for the rest of my time here at college and I won't be looking back.


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## Steve85 (Oct 11, 2006)

You can choose to get a single room in the dorm. It's slightly more expensive, but it ensures that you have your own "safe place." You don't have to pressure yourself into making new friends. There were roughly 35 kids on my floor, and I probably talked to maybe 15 over the course of the year and I consider myself a moderate SAer. The point being, don't feel pressured into making new friends. There were guys on my floor who you barely even saw. I remember not knowing who lived in the room down the hall for almost half the year. Don't pressure yourself. If you choose to test the waters, then do so. You will do better than you think you will. That's the honest truth.


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## Rosedew (Nov 7, 2006)

I agree with the rest of the posts. It can go anyway. With me I got worst, wouldn't talk to anybody but then I had a really big argument with my roommate. Aftewards I couldn't STOP talking with my new roommate. I think the best thing would be stay in a dorm for a semester and see how it goes. You can only gain from the experience. You'll learn more about yourself. I sure did! :yes


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