# I never felt feminine enough for a man, so I started dating women



## elleOelle (Feb 1, 2015)

And when I say cherish, I don't mean I didn't have guys want to have sex with me but I never was the pretty girl in school. I never had boyfriends and boys rarely ever liked me. Going through middle and high school and never having a boyfriend made me feel like I wasn't feminine enough. Like something internally masculine about me. Even the boys I knew on personal levels told me I'm not like most girl. I even changed myself and start dressing provocative at times to get male attention but then I hated how I was being disrespected to I went back to being myself. I'm 25 and still never have had a boyfriend. I decided to live a lesbian lifestyle when I was 18. I tried dating guys but I felt awkward and never comfortable. These guys only wanted me for sex. I felt a woman could appreciate me and love me more than a man would. I know I haven't given much chance to men but what is this insecurity that makes me feel like I'm less of a woman? I didn't like getting my nails done and wearing dresses. I was always the girl that liked playing video games and basketball. I'm not a tomboy as an adult but I still don't feel feminine. I wear make up but I don't wear heels. I have masculine mannerism and I feel even more insecure than ever because I want a man to see me as someone they could find beautiful. The last man I liked. He told my friend he wasn't attracted to me. I was hurt. I don't know what to do at this point. My father never told me I was beautiful and my mom made comments that made me feel she didn't see me as pretty as my friends.


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

So are you bisexual? You're post kind of makes it sound like you forced yourself into being with women, because you didn't feel pretty enough? I think it really comes down to what makes you comfortable, and who you want to be. I think feminine is kind of a societal thing. Doing more masculine thing doesn't make you less of a woman. Just my opinion wish you luck.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Do you need to feel more feminine do you think? Or are you just fighting yourself because you want to be really attractive to men? Because believe me that's not going to work out if it's the latter. You're better off trying to find a guy who appreciates who you are, than trying to be really feminine just because it's statistically more likely that you'll find one who's attracted to you that way.

Also... Are you actually attracted to women? Your post doesn't really make that clear lol.


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## elleOelle (Feb 1, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Do you need to feel more feminine do you think? Or are you just fighting yourself because you want to be really attractive to men? Because believe me that's not going to work out if it's the latter. You're better off trying to find a guy who appreciates who you are, than trying to be really feminine just because it's statistically more likely that you'll find one who's attracted to you that way.
> 
> Also... Are you actually attracted to women? Your post doesn't really make that clear lol.


I am very attracted to women but as I am getting older, I want to date men as well but I haven't been with a man since I was 17


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Well, the thing is, you're right. If you start dating guys most of them will only want you for sex and won't actually like you. If you date guys, that's pretty much unavoidable. Making yourself more feminine for them won't change that though, it's not about you it's about them. If you want to date guys then you should continue to be the person you are and hold off for finding someone who is interested in the real you. But it is going to be hard. What's your social circle like? Do you have ways to meet guys who you already know to be decent?


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## elleOelle (Feb 1, 2015)

Shameful said:


> Well, the thing is, you're right. If you start dating guys most of them will only want you for sex and won't actually like you. If you date guys, that's pretty much unavoidable. Making yourself more feminine for them won't change that though, it's not about you it's about them. If you want to date guys then you should continue to be the person you are and hold off for finding someone who is interested in the real you. But it is going to be hard. What's your social circle like? Do you have ways to meet guys who you already know to be decent?


I have no social circle. The friends I have, we are no longer friends or just grew apart. I don't go anywhere but work and home. I've gained a lot of weight so I'm insecure about going out these days.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Totally get these feelz. I'm not into being particularly feminine, and most guys won't give me a second thought. Usually not a big deal, but it does get to me from time to time mostly because I don't fit in with the girls or the guys. One time at uni one of my female friends made me promise to wear a dress when we went out, and when I did a male friend was like "we might actually hit on you now," and got a few nods of agreement. Top stuff. I got lucky finding a guy online through a forum. If not for him I'm sure I wouldn't have ever had a relationship. 

But anyway... I think to meet guys who like you for you, you'll need to join groups with common interests either offline or online. That way people can get to know and like your personality and let the attracted/not attracted thoughts creep up afterwards.


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## elleOelle (Feb 1, 2015)

SuperSky said:


> Totally get these feelz. I'm not into being particularly feminine, and most guys won't give me a second thought. Usually not a big deal, but it does get to me from time to time mostly because I don't fit in with the girls or the guys. One time at uni one of my female friends made me promise to wear a dress when we went out, and when I did a male friend was like "we might actually hit on you now," and got a few nods of agreement. Top stuff. I got lucky finding a guy online through a forum. If not for him I'm sure I wouldn't have ever had a relationship.
> 
> But anyway... I think to meet guys who like you for you, you'll need to join groups with common interests either offline or online. That way people can get to know and like your personality and let the attracted/not attracted thoughts creep up afterwards.


Yeah, you're right. I just get so nervous with meeting guys and girls. I've always wanted someone to show interest in me first, before i make any type of move. I just need some sort of confidence. I wish I had it.


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## waldorfs (Feb 18, 2013)

Well, I think I'm quite feminine. Not the beautiful, heel-wearing kind of feminine though. And guys are not interested in me but, then again, no one is interested in me. I really think it's just the matter of finding someone who's interested in you. You shouldn't have to make yourself more feminine to please someone else. It must be that you're just not really interacting with the right guys (might be hard to find anyway). I know that plenty of guys say that they prefer the laid-back girl who doesn't look high maintenance (though this is really code for effortlessly beautiful). I agree that it's a good idea to try and find people with common interests so you can connect with them on something more than just physical attraction.


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## fobia (Feb 19, 2010)

As far as I would like to say something like "Be yourself (masculine, feminine) and you'l find a guy that is interested in you as a person " and all that "movie" blah-blah-blah, I don't believe guys are into not feminine girls. Feminine = sexy. 

Of course there are always exceptions...


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

There are guys out there who don't like stereotypically feminine women. Don't give up.


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