# Girls, what are you looking for in a husband?



## freakingout (Feb 6, 2010)

topic


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm not looking for a husband (nor am I a "girl"); but I suppose if I were, I would firstly want someone with all the qualities I value in a companion in general: kindness, empathy, humor, sincerity/honesty, self-reflexivity, loyalty, respect, an open-mind, etc. However, if I were going to take the additional step to then entangle my life and finances with his, he'd also have to be mature, sensible, and financially responsible. (And no, before someone angrily pounces on me, by that I do not mean "rich." I mean exactly what I said. Responsible. Smart. Be as poor as you need be, goodness knows I don't expect to be rolling in the dough any time soon; but also make good decisions about how to spend what you have. Life is hard enough without being married to someone who can't support his wants and desires without driving himself, and his partner, into massive amounts of unnecessary debt.)


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

It doesn't matter what I'm looking for in a husband/boyfriend, even if such a man existed he would not want me. A few guys have come close to what I want but they always chose better women.


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## Carolyne (Sep 20, 2016)

What type of man do you want to be?


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)




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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I'll bite.

Here are my deal-breakers:

1. Physical violence. Since my SA is strongly linked to my fear of violence, if I ever feel physically endangered by someone, that will be the end of the relationship. I'm not the kind of person who will excuse a partner's violence.

2. Judgmental. Any guy that criticizes people for being 'fat' or 'ugly', who sl-t shames, who uses racist, sexist, or homophobic/transphobic language, who looks down on people for being poor or ill, or who uses terms like 'cuck' isn't on the same wavelength as me. I have no interest in dating people with an inflated opinion of themselves.

3. Apathetic. Eg: someone who sits around all day every day playing videogames, getting high, and looking at porn. Some recreation is fine, but I have no interest in slowly disintegrating beside someone who's given up on making something of themselves. Self-improvement is central to my identity; there'd be no common ground between someone like that and myself.

4. Doesn't like to be touched. Physical contact is essential to me. If I can't touch you, make love to you, and sleep beside you, we might make wonderful friends, but we won't be in a relationship.

What doesn't matter:

1. Looks. What matters is whether or not I enjoy spending time with you, not how large your waist is or how much hair you have. Proper hygiene is important, though, since physical contact is important to me.

2. Money. I couldn't care less about how much money you make, as long as you don't expect me to support you, since I'm poor myself. I don't care if a guy lives with his parents as long as he's passionate about _something_ and trying to make his dreams come true.

What I'm looking for:

1. Someone as strong as myself (psychologically), or stronger. I can't afford to carry my own weight and someone else's at the same time because I'm already living at the limit of my ability to cope. I can't be anyone's mother or therapist. I need an equal partnership. That obviously implies a certain amount of responsibility. I can't help anyone with their drug addictions or gambling problems.

But I'm sure after all that my standards are still too high, so ... single it is. :laugh:


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## annaloverlee (Sep 24, 2016)

I believe some of the most important qualities are: kindness, selflessness, integrity, sincerity, humility, and a desire to be better and grow. Humility will take you so far, sincerity too. The ability to lay down one's ego in an argument and consider the other person's perspective is GOLD. All of these qualities expressed are wonderful ways of expressing love for someone else.


And a little humor always makes life enjoyable.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

A guy that cooks and does household chores. Not joking.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

- smoke-free
- drug-free
- good-looking
- money-earning
- loyal, trustworthy
- helps with the household chores


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## Smallfry (Oct 11, 2004)

warmth, kindness, stickability, treats people well


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

nubly said:


> A guy that cooks and does household chores. Not joking.


Seriously. I could not be with anyone who doesn't.

But honestly, like, a million qualities. Too many to list them all.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Why so many posts with "kindness"? I don't get it.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

Aribeth said:


> Why so many posts with "kindness"? I don't get it.


:lol


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

Aribeth said:


> Why so many posts with "kindness"? I don't get it.


To be honest Ari I don't think most womens ideal Bf looks like this:








or maybe this:








Perhaps this:








Or is _he_ too much of a goody two shoes?


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

^ can you stop replying to every single one of my posts
like seriously


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

-Excellent in bed 
-Excellent in bed
-Excellent in bed 
-Brings me cheesecake in bed
-My best friend


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## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Hard to say.

Knows how to handle me if I misbehave.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

VanitysFiend said:


> To be honest Ari I don't think most womens ideal Bf looks like this:


Tbf, though, Dr. Doom is one of my heroes. Who doesn't love a dictator with a robot army? Though, I'd rather be Dr. Doom than date him. He's a bit of a drama queen.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

probably something stable. just a guess.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

nubly said:


> A guy that cooks and does household chores. Not joking.


:v) hello


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Aribeth said:


> Why so many posts with "kindness"? I don't get it.


Do you want a partner who treats you badly?


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> Do you want a partner who treats you badly?


You don't have to be a kind person to treat your partner nicely.


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## pied vert (Jan 23, 2016)

Aribeth said:


> You don't have to be a kind person to treat your partner nicely.


you do get it, you just don't agree
kindness is an effect of maturity, and a lot of people care if someone treats other people badly, even if it's not them.

and you do have to have _some_ kindness to treat anyone nicely, unless you're doing it for selfish reasons, and why would you want to be with someone who is being nice to you for selfish, possibly manipulative reasons.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

veron said:


> - smoke-free
> - drug-free
> - good-looking
> - money-earning
> ...


Hi, I`m Bruce. Wanna chat?









P.S. Yup, this is a joke with sarcastic thought inside. I`m not sure about the chores, tough. He has lots of work to do, ya know?


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> ^ can you stop replying to every single one of my posts
> like seriously


Once you get hooked on Aribeth its hard to come off .


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> Once you get hooked on Aribeth its hard to come off .


Ari meth lol


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> Why so many posts with "kindness"? I don't get it.


It's the politically correct thing to say.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

funnynihilist said:


> It's the politically correct thing to say.


Yes. The desire for partners who are courteous and thoughtful is yet another product of conspiratory censorship. Well spotted. lol


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## jennyjukes (Jul 10, 2012)

family man who doesn't want to drink all the time (and if he does then he's sensible) 
sensible
proud of me...
hard working


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Ai said:


> Yes. The desire for partners who are courteous and thoughtful is yet another product of conspiratory censorship. Well spotted. lol


What I mean is that it makes the person saying it seem like a better person just by saying it. The same reason that people say politically correct things. It makes them seem altruistic.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

funnynihilist said:


> What I mean is that it makes the person saying it seem like a better person just by saying it. The same reason that people say politically correct things. It makes them seem altruistic.


Well, I cannot speak for anyone else in this thread, but I have no delusions of altruism. lol In fact, I'm pretty sure I am a ****e person over all. I do value compassion and empathy, however, and it's something I personally aspire to in my day-to-day life... whether my success rate is as spotless as I'd like or not. Heh.

I care deeply and I like nice people. Playfully snarky, preferably. But nice. Well-meaning. Thoughtful. Self-aware. Nurturing your own well-being is important, but it is comforting to know when that is not someone's sole agenda. A healthy relationship cannot be sustained on that.

So... There, I suppose. A more serious answer. lol


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Perfection
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Me


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

funnynihilist said:


> What I mean is that it makes the person saying it seem like a better person just by saying it. The same reason that people say politically correct things. It makes them seem altruistic.


I'm not sure why saying you want a kind partner would make anyone seem altruistic. Presumably everyone wants a partner who isn't going to treat them like garbage; people who treat other people like garbage are generally going to treat you like garbage at some point, so it makes perfect sense, for completely selfish reasons, to avoid men who are rude and disrespectful to others.

Personally, if I'm with a guy and he starts making fun of 'fatties and uggos', or making sexist or racist remarks, I'm going to (correctly) surmise he's an ignorant dirtbag and have no respect for him as a person. And if I don't respect him, why would I want to be around him? People like that make my skin crawl. So my reason for wanting a kind person is that I have no respect for mean-spirited bullies and I want to respect the person that I'm dating. No altruism there, either.

The only reason I can see for not wanting your partner to be kind is because you're not a kind person yourself and you want someone who isn't going to judge you because you yourself are an ignorant dirtbag.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)




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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Looking for about 5-6 years of a solid commitment if this person wants to be my husband. Gotta get to that first.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

The Library of Emma said:


> Perfection
> -
> -
> - ......................... Ideal Boyfriend/Husband
> ...


I know how that feels  (only not about a boyfriend/husband, obvs!)


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> Ari meth lol


Hehe.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

Milco said:


>


Hehehe, I wonder what the male equivalent would look like...


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

truant said:


> I'm not sure why saying you want a kind partner would make anyone seem altruistic. Presumably everyone wants a partner who isn't going to treat them like garbage; people who treat other people like garbage are generally going to treat you like garbage at some point, so it makes perfect sense, for completely selfish reasons, to avoid men who are rude and disrespectful to others.
> 
> Personally, if I'm with a guy and he starts making fun of 'fatties and uggos', or making sexist or racist remarks, I'm going to (correctly) surmise he's an ignorant dirtbag and have no respect for him as a person. And if I don't respect him, why would I want to be around him? People like that make my skin crawl. So my reason for wanting a kind person is that I have no respect for mean-spirited bullies and I want to respect the person that I'm dating. No altruism there, either.
> 
> The only reason I can see for not wanting your partner to be kind is because you're not a kind person yourself and you want someone who isn't going to judge you because you yourself are an ignorant dirtbag.


You are really killing it in all the posts I've seen you make recently. You're always right about everything.

Yeah. The thing about being a dickhead's exception (the one person they're nice to) is that you never remain the exception very long. It's the same with friends: if they talk badly about other people, eventually they will do the same to you. Eventually, people will treat you roughly the same way they treat everyone else. I think personality is mainly consistent through time and situation.

You can get a more accurate judgement of someone's character from the way they act in general than from the way they act with you alone. If a partner is generally kind on principle and to society at large, you can much more easily rely on their kindness than someone who's only kind to people they like/are very interested in (or, to put this more accurately: _to people they want something from_). For the latter group of people, as soon as they decide you're not useful to them any more, they'll stop being kind at all. Same goes for prejudice, really. If they're prejudiced about a group you don't belong to, they probably have prejudices about a group you do belong to, too.

Also, if we're going to go into the ****ty evolutionary biology perspective, it makes sense. Kindness and altruism are linked to honesty and loyalty. A kind man is more likely to be faithful and stick around. So @funnynihilist, it makes total sense as being a genuine self-interested desire. I doubt anyone here is saying it in order to look like a good person. But I do think people saying they _don't_ value kindness are just saying it to be ~*So Edgy*~


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

The Library of Emma said:


> Perfection
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> ...


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

^ @Demon Soul

Aw, thank you


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

PrincessV said:


> Hard to say.
> 
> Knows how to handle me if I misbehave.


kinky


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

ask girls what they're looking for in a shorter term relationship and you'll get some very different results from most girls lol


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

truant said:


> I'm not sure why saying you want a kind partner would make anyone seem altruistic. Presumably everyone wants a partner who isn't going to treat them like garbage; people who treat other people like garbage are generally going to treat you like garbage at some point, so it makes perfect sense, for completely selfish reasons, to avoid men who are rude and disrespectful to others.
> 
> Personally, if I'm with a guy and he starts making fun of 'fatties and uggos', or making sexist or racist remarks, I'm going to (correctly) surmise he's an ignorant dirtbag and have no respect for him as a person. And if I don't respect him, why would I want to be around him? People like that make my skin crawl. So my reason for wanting a kind person is that I have no respect for mean-spirited bullies and I want to respect the person that I'm dating. No altruism there, either.
> 
> The only reason I can see for not wanting your partner to be kind is because you're not a kind person yourself and you want someone who isn't going to judge you because you yourself are an ignorant dirtbag.


I have actully heard multiple people say that they could never trust a person who is too kind to them due to their own low self esteem.
I do think there are quite a few people out there who dislike themselves so much that a person being too kind to them fills them with disgust. Or the other person being too perfect shows up their own imperfections.

However, my main thrust of my argument is why people say this every damn time. It's pretty much boilerplate at this point. It's a safe and nice thing to say that makes the person saying it seem safe and nice.
Nothing really wrong about saying it but would be nice to hear some different qualities for a change.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

funnynihilist said:


> However, my main thrust of my argument is why people say this every damn time. It's pretty much boilerplate at this point. It's a safe and nice thing to say that makes the person saying it seem safe and nice.
> Nothing really wrong about saying it but would be nice to hear some different qualities for a change.


Only three people in this entire thread listed kindness as a desired trait... in addition to different qualities.


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## Keikei (Mar 16, 2004)

I want a man who has a job with the means to support me (bc tbh I am a pretty worthless person who can't hold a job). He should be patient and super tolerant (of my bad behavior), highly intelligent (like guys who can fill a board with complex mathematical equations are super hot), and nice in the sense that he's at least nice to me (if he's as *** to other people that's fine as long as it doesn't get him in trouble.) So yeah, these are the thing I have learned to look for. 

Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

Keikei said:


> I want a man who has a job with the means to support me (bc tbh I am a pretty worthless person who can't hold a job). He should be patient and super tolerant (of my bad behavior), highly intelligent (like guys who can fill a board with complex mathematical equations are super hot), and nice in the sense that he's at least nice to me (if he's as *** to other people that's fine as long as it doesn't get him in trouble.) So yeah, these are the thing I have learned to look for.
> 
> Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk


I respect your honesty.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

truant said:


> Personally, if I'm with a guy and he starts making fun of 'fatties and uggos', or making sexist or racist remarks, I'm going to (correctly) surmise he's an ignorant dirtbag and have no respect for him as a person. And if I don't respect him, why would I want to be around him? People like that make my skin crawl. So my reason for wanting a kind person is that I have no respect for mean-spirited bullies and I want to respect the person that I'm dating. No altruism there, either.


You're free to choose whoever you want for whatever reason you want, but...

There's a difference between ignorance and stupidity, bigotry, meanness etc. Ignorance just means you lack knowledge/information (I personally believe absolutely everyone is ignorant about most things to some degree), the alternative means you lack the ability/desire to do something. So if someone you're talking to says something you view as ignorant you could challenge them (in a non combative manner) to see if it's because they don't understand (which could be solved with information), because they are unable/unwilling to understand (which would confirm your assumption) or because they actually have a point (I think you should always be open to the possibility that you could be wrong and change your mind if necessary).

You mentioned earlier that you wouldn't want a judgemental person (everybody with at least 1 opinion is judgemental as judgements aren't inherently negative, but I know what you meant so I'll go with your usage for now), but based on your responses I don't think you want someone who isn't judgemental, you just want someone who's judgemental in the same way that you are.

After all, labelling people as ignorant dirtbags without questioning why they think/feel the way they do is somewhat judgemental no?

Don't get me wrong, I jump to conclusions sometimes too, but once you accept that's what you're doing you might try to address it (assuming you actually think judging people is a bad thing to do and aren't just saying it).


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

LonelyLurker said:


> ...


Yes, well, I left out all the caveats. I have a ton of experience dealing with people who are in various stages of ignorance and educating them. I'm actually a very forgiving person. I have to be, since about 95% of the population doesn't understand me at all, nor would they have any reason to.

But I'm referring to people who say particular kinds of things in particular kinds of ways. It's the tone of voice, the expression in their face, or particular phrases that they use, etc., which creates a visceral reaction in me: the feeling that they have a repellent personality. I'm fully capable of telling the difference between someone who is ignorant and someone who takes malicious pleasure in abusing others out of a false sense of superiority.

I'm not talking about people who use offensive language but don't realize that it's offensive or who just have sort of distorted views about certain groups of people because they don't have much experience with them; I'm talking about people who obviously know what they're saying and feel justified in saying it. People who honestly believe that one race is superior to another, or men that believe that women should behave in a way that pleases them, or that people like me should be 'fixed'. When you combine stupidity and arrogance in particular ways it just sets my teeth on edge. Like a doctor, I might try to treat an illness like that, but I sure as hell wouldn't get into bed with it.

Just because I'm judging them doesn't mean my judgments are about the same thing. Judging someone for taking pleasure in harming another person does not make me as bad as that person for the same reason telling someone to have a nice day isn't as bad as telling them to die in a car fire even though in both cases you're telling someone what kind of day to have. There are different kinds of judgments, just like there are different kinds of speech acts or different kinds of thoughts. They're not all created equal. But you're correct in surmising that I'm a very judgmental person in my own way. It's probably because I've spent most of my life in arguments with the kind of people I hate.

Some women will put up with jerks. I won't. Being mean to someone is the easiest way to make my naughty list. And not the good naughty list.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

truant said:


> Yes, well, I left out all the caveats. I have a ton of experience dealing with people who are in various stages of ignorance and educating them. I'm actually a very forgiving person. I have to be, since about 95% of the population doesn't understand me at all, nor would they have any reason to.
> 
> But I'm referring to people who say particular kinds of things in particular kinds of ways. It's the tone of voice, the expression in their face, or particular phrases that they use, etc., which creates a visceral reaction in me: the feeling that they have a repellent personality. I'm fully capable of telling the difference between someone who is ignorant and someone who takes malicious pleasure in abusing others out of a false sense of superiority.
> 
> I'm not talking about people who use offensive language but don't realize that it's offensive or who just have sort of distorted views about certain groups of people because they don't have much experience with them; I'm talking about people who obviously know what they're saying and feel justified in saying it. People who honestly believe that one race is superior to another, or men that believe that women should behave in a way that pleases them, or that people like me should be 'fixed'. When you combine stupidity and arrogance in particular ways it just sets my teeth on edge. Like a doctor, I might try to treat an illness like that, but I sure as hell wouldn't get into bed with it.


I understand the visceral reaction, my equivalent is when I think someone is stupid or being a hypocrite. I usually end up just writing them off but I shouldn't really, so I do sometimes at least try to see if I have unfairly judged them (I'm usually right but at least I tried).

I think we may sometimes overestimate how much thought many people put into their thoughts and actions. I do partly due to my personality (in terms of my opinions) and partly due to necessity (in terms of my actions), but I don't think this is "normal". I used to think that my way of thinking was ubiquitous and it made me think that people were consciously hurting me. I now think that most people just run off of instinct and as long as the result is "good enough" there's no incentive for further reflection.

I don't blame you though, you don't HAVE to accept anyone (this should go both ways however).



truant said:


> Just because I'm judging them doesn't mean my judgments are about the same thing. Judging someone for taking pleasure in harming another person does not make me as bad as that person for the same reason telling someone to have a nice day isn't as bad as telling them to die in a car fire even though in both cases you're telling someone what kind of day to have. There are different kinds of judgments, just like there are different kinds of speech acts or different kinds of thoughts. They're not all created equal. But you're correct in surmising that I'm a very judgmental person in my own way. It's probably because I've spent most of my life in arguments with the kind of people I hate.


I would agree that the judgement you have made is better than the one they have (and my view of them would reflect that), but I accept that this is merely a reflection of my personal opinions/values. Those with differing views may reach a different conclusion.

I wasn't really talking about the value of various judgements as most value propositions are subjective. I was wondering if you were being a hypocrite so I decided to check (which is partially a complement as if I didn't think you were up to it I wouldn't have bothered), but now that I know you accept that you are also judgemental (albeit in another way) I have no issues.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

This is so relevant:


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Compassion
Empathy
Kindness
Humor
Communicative
Intelligence
Curiosity
Openness
Non judgement
Chemistry and attraction
Great in bed and kinky with high sex drive
Content in life or attempting to be so
Cares about self improvement
Can support self and possibly family (both our pay combined should be able to support 2 kids or an Uber comfy dink lifestyle)
Must love nature and want to live nearer the country than city
Must love animals
Must have own hobbies
Cares about others and the world
Likely liberal and athiest but kinda spiritual
Loyal honest
Values marriages and long term commitment
...Bearded, lots of facial hair (almost mandatory lol)

really gentle
and as into me as i'm into him
artisic would be nice

lol at this point i guess this is just everything i'd want ideally


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

I am not looking for a husband (or wife). I guess if I could be convinced to marry anybody I'd have to be in a relationship with them for at least 5-10 years. So I guess that's what I consider marriage material.


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

realisticandhopeful said:


> Compassion
> Empathy
> Kindness
> Humor
> ...


I give up.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

At this stage, I honestly don't know about marriage.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

roxslide said:


> I am not looking for a husband (or wife). I guess if I could be convinced to marry anybody *I'd have to be in a relationship with them for at least 5-10 years*. So I guess that's what I consider marriage material.


Interesting...I think I'd have to be friends with someone for quite a while before I could think of us being in a relationship, because that's the only way I could know I could trust them and that we're truly compatible. (I have no incentive to hang around people who aren't friends.)

Most people aren't so patient, though; or else they suspect they've been "friendzoned" and they lose interest. :/ (At least, that's what I've been told.)


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

what i'm looking for in the guy i would marry.


ABSOLUTELY NON NEGOTIABLE
1. Shares basic morals and beliefs, esp. in regard to Christianity and the modern church.
2. Respects women.
3. Believes in sexual abstention before marriage.
4. Doesn't smoke, use drugs, or engage in heavy drinking.
5. Uses clean language, ie, minimal cursing, no profane or derogatory humor; doesn't find it funny.
6. Keeps basic hygeine and dresses relatively neatly.
7. He is within a relatively appropriate age range.
8. Trustworthy.

NEEDS TO MEET MOST OR ALL OF THESE
- Has genuine caring for others, a basic compassion for people as a whole.
- Shares search for a better acceptance and understanding of self, others, and life.
- Is of high intelligence, enjoys discussing the hypothetical and theoretical.
- Makes for an easy exchange of humor, esp. witty banter, teasing and flirting.
- Is open minded, and not easily offendable, esp. when discussing differing beliefs. Can see life through different points of view.
- Is intuitively sensitive, perceptive, and thoughtful. Will ask when something seems wrong.
- Has experienced, or has a personal understanding of, mental illness. Esp anxiety disorders, depression, or OCD.
- Has preferences in media reflective of his values.
- Wants a "better" life. Not content with menial.
- Is no-nonsense. Real and down to earth.
- Shares commonalities or attraction to hobbies, or particular likes. Has own hobbies.
- Communicates well and clearly.
- Long term commitment.
- Honest, loyal.
- Is a passionate person.
- Is kind to animals.
- Keeps a level of dignity under pressure. Doesn't resort to name-calling.
- Treats me like a woman. (Not like a princess).
- Gets along with parents, has their stamp of approval.
- Is physically attractive in some way.
- Gives me plenty of personal space.
- He isn't overly attached to his parents.
- He accepts I have imperfections.

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT
- Will do household chores.
- Doesn't spend frivolously.
- Brings home $$$.

BONUS
- Is particularly hygienic.
- Is an introvert.
- Doesn't want dogs.
- Doesn't want children (still iffy about this one).
- Likes walks in nature. Isn't glued to a screen.
- No facial hair.


Then there's that other basic thing, mutual attraction.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

tehuti88 said:


> Interesting...I think I'd have to be friends with someone for quite a while before I could think of us being in a relationship, because that's the only way I could know I could trust them and that we're truly compatible. (I have no incentive to hang around people who aren't friends.)
> 
> Most people aren't so patient, though; or else they suspect they've been "friendzoned" and they lose interest. :/ (At least, that's what I've been told.)


Well what I meant is that I would not consider marrying anybody unless I was in a romantic/sexual relationship with them for an extended period of time, but I guess that time includes friendship as well. When I think of someone I would marry I don't think of meeting some imaginary person with all these traits and thinking "I gotta lock that person down", I think of a person that I would have already known intimately well who's already a part of my life. I don't really care about getting married though at all, this is just a hypothetical situation.

But yeah I am like you in that I think I need to be friends with someone first. I tried online dating many times and it failed miserably due to that reason.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

If I ever get married, my husband or wife would basically have to be my best friend.

Some qualities that come to mind:

Introverted, and SA would be a plus
Shares some of my hobbies
Kinky and can't keep their hands off of me
Has goals that they are working towards
Similar morals and views on social issues (hates Trump, values women's, LGBT, and minority rights, etc.)
Similar sense of humor
Atheist or agnostic (or they're religious, but completely okay with the fact that I'm not)
Loyal and not controlling
Has a job, financially self-sufficient


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

My husband would most definitely need (edited to the 10 most important qualities I want in a man):


invisible eyes
a silent name
a lake of flame
a hand of bone
to be 10 miles tall
to be a living prayer
to be the atmosphere
to sleep up in the trees
to laugh as though he cries
to wander in dreams at night


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## sadstoner (Mar 9, 2017)

She and Her Darkness said:


> what i'm looking for in the guy i would marry.
> 
> ABSOLUTELY NON NEGOTIABLE
> 1. Shares basic morals and beliefs, esp. in regard to Christianity and the modern church.
> ...


Jesus crisis

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## fragilelittlegirl (Mar 20, 2017)

-A man who is self-aware
-knows himself 
-quick wits 
-dry, subtle humor
-wise about life, and if he makes mistakes he learns from them.
-creative
-understanding and open-minded 

I used to know a guy like this, but he slipped right past me.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

sadstoner said:


> Jesus crisis
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


yeah, i know it's a pretty detailed list :/
i'm basically just looking for the male version of myself.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

estse said:


> My husband would most definitely need (edited to the 10 most important qualities I want in a man):
> 
> 
> invisible eyes
> ...


At least this list is realistic.:laugh:


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

Someone who will be a companion, to spend all my time with and enjoy life with together. That's all. And someone who will adopt dogs with me. Yeah.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

She's gotta be compassionate. That's pretty big. I don't really have a checklist for these sorts of things, but I can definitely say if they aren't compassionate, I'm not attracted.

*EDIT* Oh, this is the wrong thread. Oh well, I'm not moving it.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

Atheism said:


> Someone who will be a companion, to spend all my time with and enjoy life with together. That's all. *And someone who will adopt dogs with me*. Yeah.


So you basically want everything, typical woman.:laugh:


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

Strong de jure claims and no leprosy.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

She and Her Darkness said:


> what i'm looking for in the guy i would marry.
> 
> ABSOLUTELY NON NEGOTIABLE
> 1. Shares basic morals and beliefs, esp. in regard to Christianity and the modern church.
> ...


Aww I like this.....you have standards. Nice list too. :smile2:


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Eh, ok I'll be more hopeful about this.

*Basic*
-No one like my dad. (Control freak, immature, nosy, gossiper, trouble maker, complains about money non-stop, loud, gets mad when things don't go his way, hard to approach)

*Top Qualities*
-Educated& a career (Bachelor's Degree minimum)
-Taller than me (I'm 5'1)
-Dominant in bed and encourages me to try new things
-Someone who I can feel open around and won't belittle how I feel
-A 'bit' more talkative than me but doesn't have a large circle of friends
-Mature
-Loyal and doesn't compare our lives to other people
-Patient/Mellow
-Open to new ideas
-Non-smoker (YES)
-Takes me somewhere special every blue moon

*Petty Stuff*
-Knows how to drive (lost that ability after my 2013 car accident)
-Picks up after himself (no leaving dirty underwear on the floor)
-Does the outside house work (mowing grass, etc)
-Speaks a foreign language (I would love to have bi/multi-lingual kids)


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I didn't know girls want husbands.


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