# I've lost 3 female friends because they got boyfriends.



## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

http://i.imgur.com/0G3GsD0.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/h4C4RaZ.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/hFeBHb9.jpg

They were all single when we met. But when they got boyfriends, they stopped talking to me. Why? I wasn't trying to get down their pants. This hurts me so much. Is there some kind of rule that says a girl can't have male friends if she has a boyfriend?


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## jonjagger (Dec 26, 2015)

Hideki said:


> Why? I wasn't trying to get down their pants.


Well you should have.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I think its how you talk like trying to be so placid?, which suggests you are interested? Theres no description in what you write which might be part of the issue? idk. I think you should make friends with females that have some common interests rather than finding them off of whatever. I dont think you clicked well. 

Yes females and males can be just friends.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

What kind of things have you talked about? If they got the impression that you wanted to date them, then it's kind of natural that they don't want to keep that going. Or if their boyfriends are jealous. Kylie's BF definitely seems to be be the jealous type.
Why does your phone change layout? Shouldn't you be happy for them?

I have a boyfriend and I've kept my male online friend. We talk every day. Mostly about life stuff. He's like a brother to me. He was happy for me, and when he got a girlfriend I was happy for him.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

I can't have female friends. Just can't do it. Tried having female friends at university and it led to me having a mental breakdown. Probably because I'm too immature of anxious or whatever.


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## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

jonjagger said:


> Well you should have.


I wouldn't even know how to. Never had a girlfriend before.



Invisiblehandicap said:


> I think its how you talk like trying to be so placid?, which suggests you are interested? Theres no description in what you write which might be part of the issue? idk. I think you should make friends with females that have some common interests rather than finding them off of whatever. I dont think you clicked well.
> 
> Yes females and males can be just friends.


Meh. I have been told by girls before that I'm boring, overly sensitive, insecure. So maybe that's it.



Skeletra said:


> What kind of things have you talked about? If they got the impression that you wanted to date them, then it's kind of natural that they don't want to keep that going. Or if their boyfriends are jealous. Kylie's BF definitely seems to be be the jealous type.
> Why does your phone change layout? Shouldn't you be happy for them?
> 
> I have a boyfriend and I've kept my male online friend. We talk every day. Mostly about life stuff. He's like a brother to me. He was happy for me, and when he got a girlfriend I was happy for him.


We talked about life. Everyday stuff. Food, the weather, current movies, politics. It's a tablet. The first screen shot is on kik. The second one on skype. The third one on email. I know that I should be happy for them. But I'm not. Because they left me. I feel neglected and unwanted. Like nobody cares about me.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Hideki said:


> I wouldn't even know how to. Never had a girlfriend before.


This is the problem. It's A LOT easier to have female friends if you have/have had a girlfriend.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I didn't look at the images, but it's not cool to post someone's photo without their permission.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Hideki said:


> I wouldn't even know how to. Never had a girlfriend before.
> 
> Meh. I have been told by girls before that I'm boring, overly sensitive, insecure. So maybe that's it.
> 
> We talked about life. Everyday stuff. Food, the weather, current movies, politics. It's a tablet. The first screen shot is on kik. The second one on skype. The third one on email. I know that I should be happy for them. But I'm not. Because they left me. I feel neglected and unwanted. Like nobody cares about me.


have you tried practicing? i used omegle for this in the past. you are doing better than I last remember at writing. Actually expressing discontent is a good thing. im not sure if its you or just pot luck because i dont have large enough samples of conversation. Again more descriptive words and more expression.

like ' we talked about daily life our political views (im right wing and shes left ) , movies and the weather as boring as that might sound. The screen shot is from my tablet. I know i should be happy for them but im not. They hurt me, they left me when were were supposed to be friends! ' etc. maybe its too blunt like a list when it should flow better? very short sentences.

im not so sure this theory is even correct but if you try it you can soon eliminate it if its wrong. Put luck for most situations, most men will go through many rejections.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

It happens. Sometimes girls need someone to fill in that gap until they find a partner. Other times the bf will not be cool with his girl talking to another guy. Especially if he doesn't know him. Insecure on the bf part but its happens all the time.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I'm beginning to think it only works if one has a girlfriend already or is a normie. It's no fun, when the bf takes over and makes her realize one is an SA losercel. Same thing happened to me. Once a while it would be nice to talk to some girl whether online or irl, then they stop contacting once they get a serious hookup. Pretty much done with it all now.


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## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

Hey. I just lost another one.

http://i.imgur.com/YfdtHYL.jpg

I feel so bad.


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## ghostdroid (Mar 16, 2016)

They must have viewed you more as a boyfriend prospect than as a friend, is all I can think. Some people don't really have opposite-sex friendships; there's always a romantic dimension to everything for them. Or there are jealous, possessive boyfriends involved and the girls are too passive to stand ground. Not everyone is that way, though, especially older people who are more secure in themselves.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Did you treat these women like a sister or a male friend? Personally, my boyfriend is okay with me having male friends but it's the boundaries the male friends impose on me -- if they're hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable I stay away.


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

Do you legitimately know all of these women IRL? Or were these online only ventures because if they are the latter, there was probably a veil that hid your truly platonic intentions. Online communication always leaves more to be desired in terms of your tone and telling someone your feelings in the exact manner that you mean.


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## Cascades (Jan 16, 2013)

Can I ask how often you speak to them? Is it an everyday thing or is it once in a while?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Are these "friends"? Do you spend time with them in person?


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## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

They were online friends. I don't have any in real life. I would speak with them almost every day. Maybe they did see me as boyfriend prospect. I don't know.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Hideki said:


> They were online friends. I don't have any in real life. I would speak with them almost every day. Maybe they did see me as boyfriend prospect. I don't know.


A lot of maybe's that it could have been, but it just sounds like you were not looking at the relationship you had, the same way as these woman were. It's very hard to gain trust and build a relationship of any kind, and talking mostly everyday still might not be enough, especially online.

Considering this pattern is starting to get consistent, possibly take another approach? Just don't invest so much into someone you really don't know online, and focus those energies to someone offline.

Give people some space I guess and don't try to speed through to whatever your goals are in the relationship.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

meepie said:


> Did you treat these women like a sister or a male friend? Personally, my boyfriend is okay with me having male friends but it's the boundaries the male friends impose on me -- if they're hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable I stay away.


Uh oh. I was joking about marriage! Don't not talk to me!


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Kevin001 said:


> It happens. Sometimes girls need someone to fill in that gap until they find a partner. Other times the bf will not be cool with his girl talking to another guy. Especially if he doesn't know him. Insecure on the bf part but its happens all the time.


I agree.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

Be glad about that.
3 less drama generators and intrigue enforcers in your life, that's a reason to feel good.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

apx24 said:


> I can't have female friends. Just can't do it. Tried having female friends at university and it led to me having a mental breakdown. Probably because I'm too immature of anxious or whatever.


No, you aren't too "immature" to have female friends in your life, you just don't like drama and intrigue, which is pretty sane in my book.
Embrace that fact and **** what others think. Humans are such degenerate animals, they always want to put their fellow specimen down for various reasons. I personally am sick of that and don't look forward to meeting any other primate animal in life, just so others don't think that I am weird for prefering to chill alone.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

Hideki said:


> http://i.imgur.com/0G3GsD0.jpg
> http://i.imgur.com/h4C4RaZ.jpg
> http://i.imgur.com/hFeBHb9.jpg
> 
> They were all single when we met. But when they got boyfriends, they stopped talking to me. Why? I wasn't trying to get down their pants. This hurts me so much. Is there some kind of rule that says a girl can't have male friends if she has a boyfriend?


Don't feel bad OP, from what I could read there, they are all scum.
First two just don't want to chat with you anymore because they have boyfriends and the third one has got a pretty insecure looking boyfriend who feels his relationship is threatened by some guy his "girl" chats with.
Trust me when I tell you that they will get themselves involved with a lot of unnecessary intrigue and drama in their lifes that will certainly keep devastating them.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

TranquilityLane said:


> Don't feel bad OP, from what I could read there, they are all scum.
> First two just don't want to chat with you anymore because they have boyfriends and the third one has got a pretty insecure looking boyfriend who feels his relationship is threatened by some guy his "girl" chats with.
> Trust me when I tell you that they will get themselves involved with a lot of unnecessary intrigue and drama in their lifes that will certainly keep devastating them.


Agreed.

That boyfriend is a piece of ****.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk


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## Junny (Dec 7, 2015)

You already posted this before and and asked why this happened. A couple of people including myself already told you to stop being a little *****. Just from reading the messages I can tell you for certain they did NOT find boyfriends, it was an excuse to get away from you. Sorry mate, just being brutally honest.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

Junny said:


> You already posted this before and and asked why this happened. A couple of people including myself already told you to stop being a little *****. Just from reading the messages I can tell you for certain they did NOT find boyfriends, it was an excuse to get away from you. Sorry mate, just being brutally honest.


You are a good example of the typical primate trying to put down his fellow specimen.
What does it really bring you calling the OP, and I quote, "a little *****" ?
I'm pretty certain it gave you a temporary raise in your own self esteem, didn't it?
I'm also pretty certain that it won't really help you with anything in life but to feel great about yourself for a relatively short amount of time.


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## Junny (Dec 7, 2015)

TranquilityLane said:


> You are a good example of the typical primate trying to put down his fellow specimen.
> What does it really bring you calling the OP, and I quote, "a little *****" ?
> I'm pretty certain it gave you a temporary raise in your own self esteem, didn't it?
> I'm also pretty certain that it won't really help you with anything in life but to feel great about yourself for a relatively short amount of time.


Lol, my self-esteem is good enough, I feel no pleasure in bringing people down as my self-esteem is derived from improvements and changes in MY life, not the misfortune of others. What I do find pleasure in though is seeking truth and better yet spreading it. This gentleman here enjoys self-pity, and for some reason people feel the need to help him embrace that by avoiding the real problem and diverting it. Why are you afraid of honesty? If you had a large zit on your face would you not want people to make you aware of it and resolve it or would you rather just slide it under stating it's unnoticeable.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

ScorchedEarth said:


> I didn't look at the images, but it's not cool to post someone's photo without their permission.


They are text message conversations. Some have tiny pictures of them though. But, it isn't like you could figure out who they are or anything.


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## cool user name (Nov 17, 2014)

Where did you meet this girls? I'm assuming online, probably even a social/dating site. If this is the case, i just dont buy that you simply wanted to be their friend. I'm not saying you wernt their friend, but given the opportunity for something more than that can you honestly say you wouldn't have jumped at the chance?


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

Junny said:


> Lol, my self-esteem is good enough, I feel no pleasure in bringing people down as my self-esteem is derived from improvements and changes in MY life, not the misfortune of others. What I do find pleasure in though is seeking truth and better yet spreading it. This gentleman here enjoys self-pity, and for some reason people feel the need to help him embrace that by avoiding the real problem and diverting it. Why are you afraid of honesty? If you had a large zit on your face would you not want people to make you aware of it and resolve it or would you rather just slide it under stating it's unnoticeable.


Being honest is surely a good thing but you just choose to insult the OP without a legitimate reason at all, this is what I was getting at.


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## Junny (Dec 7, 2015)

TranquilityLane said:


> Being honest is surely a good thing but you just choose to insult the OP without a legitimate reason at all, this is what I was getting at.


I understand why you must feel this way. I guess treating others they way I'd like to be treated isn't always welcomed.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I think its how you talk like trying to be so placid?, which suggests you are interested?


this
you're definitely talking like you were interested and came off that way judging just by those three snippets.
i mean, if that one girl is just a friend to you why did she have to assure you that you'd find someone when she said goodbye?
these girls def knew / suspected you were trying to come onto them / get close to them for that reason.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Hideki said:


> Hey. I just lost another one.
> 
> http://i.imgur.com/YfdtHYL.jpg
> 
> I feel so bad.


1. You told her that you are sick. She doesn't care. Of course she said something like "oh that's good" when you said that you are better, because she didn't wanna sound rude. Not because she gives a crap lol.

2. You asked "how was your day?", one of the most pointless questions in existence. No surprise she gave a short reply again.

3. You said something about your aunt. Why would she care about that? She didn't even ask.

You see why they all stop talking to you? Because it's inevitable. *Because the reason you talk to them in the first place is not a genuine one.* You're just making shallow conversation. You can't just talk to random people and expect them to become real friends with you. Why are you even talking to them? How did you even find anyway?

Stop talking to girls unless you wanna date them and are straightforward about it. For that matter, stop talking to random people. What were you expecting? Maybe if you found a girl that had a lot of stuff in common with you (and was clearly interested in talking with you) it would go a lot better.

But you're *texting* anyway, that's another problem. What kind of conversations could you have on a clunky phone that's hard to type on? It doesn't compare to a keyboard, so it really limits conversation options.

The only reason why they bothered to talk to you at all in the first place is because you were insisting on it. I bet you were the one initiating the conversations, weren't you? Most people don't have the strength to tell others to f**k off to their face; they just continue things for a while until they step away from it. Not to mention those boyfriends of theirs sound like controlling assh0les, getting bothered by the fact that they talk to other guys. Like lol what.


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## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

cool user name said:


> Where did you meet this girls? I'm assuming online, probably even a social/dating site. If this is the case, i just dont buy that you simply wanted to be their friend. I'm not saying you wernt their friend, but given the opportunity for something more than that can you honestly say you wouldn't have jumped at the chance?


It was online. And yes, if they lived near me, I would have pursued something more.



Aribeth said:


> 1. You told her that you are sick. She doesn't care. Of course she said something like "oh that's good" when you said that you are better, because she didn't wanna sound rude. Not because she gives a crap lol.
> 
> 2. You asked "how was your day?", one of the most pointless questions in existence. No surprise she gave a short reply again.
> 
> ...


Well that was all rather harsh. But you're probably right. Most of the time I was the one initiating the conversations. I could tell that she wasn't interested, but I'm so lonely that I tried to talk to her anyway. I was homeschooled during my high school years. My social skills were never really developed. I don't know how to talk to girls.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Second guy is a control freak why is he responding for her? Also, assuming you weren't flirting and crossing some kind of line that made them uncomfortable, I guess they weren't your real friends :stu



Hideki said:


> Hey. I just lost another one.
> 
> http://i.imgur.com/YfdtHYL.jpg
> 
> I feel so bad.


Were you actually close at all with any of these people or were they just girls you spoke to a couple of times? Kind of seems like the latter.

Also you responded to her saying she has a boyfriend with a sad face lol... Uh, not how a friend would react.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I could swear I came across this same thread a month or so ago. :|

ETA, I did...sort of.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f249/i-m-officially-giving-up-on-love-1770010/

Only in that thread, you say you're "giving up on love," which kind of contradicts this thread, which indicates you merely wanted to be friends with these women.

Which is it...?


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## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Also you responded to her saying she has a boyfriend with a sad face lol... Uh, not how a friend would react.


Well that one inparticular was more than a friend. We had been talking for a year. She sent me pics of her naked boobs. And she sent me a pic of a hot girl getting it from behind (doggy style) and said that's what she wanted me to do to her.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Hideki said:


> It was online. And yes, if they lived near me, I would have pursued something more.
> 
> Well that was all rather harsh. But you're probably right. Most of the time I was the one initiating the conversations. I could tell that she wasn't interested, but I'm so lonely that I tried to talk to her anyway. I was homeschooled during my high school years. My social skills were never really developed. I don't know how to talk to girls.


I feel you brother. Socialising is incredibly difficult. It is not easy to know the correct thing to say. Being around people is really hard. Kudos for trying and I hope you don't give up. Even though a lot of repliers here are scum, they are saying some interesting things about how human interaction works.

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

at least you tried, but i think maybe your expectations were too high from the get go. these text-only things really do lend themselves to people who dont really want to be genuine friends (its text-oonly, how can it be genuine really) and just need an emotional crutch. when they get something physical and real theyll move on just like that, because thats what they were really looking for all along. that goes for both just being friends or more than friends and whatnot.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

Junny said:


> I understand why you must feel this way. I guess treating others they way I'd like to be treated isn't always welcomed.


I'm sorry, I don't understand?


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> 1. You told her that you are sick. She doesn't care. Of course she said something like "oh that's good" when you said that you are better, because she didn't wanna sound rude. Not because she gives a crap lol.
> 
> 2. You asked "how was your day?", one of the most pointless questions in existence. No surprise she gave a short reply again.
> 
> ...


That was dumb. Except for that you were in the spotlight for the most part. GO ARIBETH!


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

People that stop being your friend just because they got a boyfriend or girlfriend are not your ucking friends at all, they are just morons who need a bucket of diarrhea dumped on them.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Second guy is a control freak why is he responding for her? Also, assuming you weren't flirting and crossing some kind of line that made them uncomfortable, I guess they weren't your real friends :stu
> 
> Were you actually close at all with any of these people or were they just girls you spoke to a couple of times? Kind of seems like the latter.
> 
> Also you responded to her saying she has a boyfriend with a sad face lol... Uh, not how a friend would react.


Well its one less fish in the ocean. so sad


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Hideki said:


> I wouldn't even know how to. Never had a girlfriend before.
> 
> Meh. I have been told by girls before that I'm boring, overly sensitive, insecure. So maybe that's it.
> 
> We talked about life. Everyday stuff. Food, the weather, current movies, politics. It's a tablet. The first screen shot is on kik. The second one on skype. The third one on email. I know that I should be happy for them. But I'm not. Because they left me. I feel neglected and unwanted. Like nobody cares about me.


Trust me I know how that feels like... If you need a friend to talk to I'm here for you.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Damn after reading those texts..i was legit tearing up...people like that who just dump you after they find someone aren't shxt...and when their bf breaks up with them..dont take them back..

The fact they could cut it off like that means the friendship wasn't shxt..like damn... 

I'm sorry you've been having bad luck..but cheer up..i have bad luck too and can never seem to make close friends in real life..i can only hope I get the chance to meet the ones I made online..anyway I know how u feel and u can message me whenever.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Had that happen to me enough times. Usually happens with women in their 20's, but can happen that way in the 30's and 40's also if they are "temporarily" single.


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## TranquilityLane (Mar 22, 2016)

They are certainly not done with these nights. :laugh:


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

As I'm sure others have stated, they clearly did not get the 'friend vibe' from you...rather they got the 'want to be boyfriend vibe'. I've lost my female friends from the past also (to marriage though, not boyfriends). I did hang out with them a lot (alone, even...even when boyfriend was aware of it) even when they were just boyfriend/girlfriend. Once they get married though, I don't hear from them anymore. So I guess you'd have to put a different vibe out there...I don't know how. It's just something that comes natural I guess...probably easier in person though as I'm sure body language has a lot to do with it too. Obviously no such thing in text conversations.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

You've lost those women because you've waited for too long...
Just go faster next time you meet a woman online.






Like this guy


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Junny said:


> You already posted this before and and asked why this happened. A couple of people including myself already told you to stop being a little *****. Just from reading the messages I can tell you for certain they did NOT find boyfriends, it was an excuse to get away from you. Sorry mate, just being brutally honest.


What is it with former sufferers who have now recovered coming on here to dick on others? I'm assuming you're better now or you're a mild sufferer or a troll. 
Either way, piss off. Tired of people like you.


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## Cil (Jan 13, 2016)

I've seen a thread like this before and while I've never lived this experience I know it tugs at the heart strings. Nothing is permanent and ... aww who am I kidding. I'm sorry for your troubles. Feeling lonely is the most horrible feeling ever. I feel lonely a lot anymore myself but we just put on our happy face and go go go. Things will get better one day, just keep walking and don't look back. All you have to do is remember each failure is one step closer to success. Without these failed relationships you will never learn so embrace the experience and grow as a person.


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