# How long would you wait?



## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

How long would you wait to have sex with someone you were dating?

For instance, if you were dating for two months and they hadn't slept with you yet, would you dump them?

Maybe six months? Or a year?

Or does the 'Third Date' rule work for you?

Also, would you hold out longer if you did 'everything but' sex?


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

I have no idea. It would obviously depend on the why, for instance, if they didn't feel comfortable with me enough to sleep with me, and we'd been dating for 5 months, I'd be pretty upset that they still felt that way and I'd be skeptical of the relationship. I assume this is about you? So what is the reason why you expect yourself to wait so long? The only thing I can definitely answer is the last question is yes.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

What's everything but sex? Like kissing I guess is one.

I guess I don't really need to think about this, since I'd almost always be the one making them wait for most things. I ended two relationships, partly because of that, before they did.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

Forever


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Men almost never make you wait. Usually happened by the 3rd or 4th date.

If it didn't happen by then I'd assume there was something wrong. Low sex drive, not attracted to me, not single, erection problems, small penis, etc.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I need good solid connection before I even want to sleep with someone. I have to feel I really know who they are, like them and that their interest in me is real. 

So while i wouldn't be opposed to sleeping with someone in a couple of weeks if the connection was very strong and "real" (as you get older i think it becomes easier to know the type of pple you really want to be with,) it still would likely take a few months of dating and friendship for me to really want to sleep with someone.

That said, I wouldn't worry. As you get older, as long as you're not dealing with immature pple consistently, a lot of men begin to value connection over a quick lay. So they're far more willing to take it slowly if you want to than, say, late teens and 20's pple.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I've honestly never dated someone I didn't sleep with first. I guess most of those times we'd hung out a few times before that, but it was never considered it a relationship until after. I don't know what that says about me or them, but it is what it is.

I'm not saying I'd be opposed to waiting a bit if I met someone really cool and we went on a few dates or whatever. I don't see waiting months though. Maybe a little while with the "everything but sex" thing, but to me that lacks intimacy and that's also important to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

1. I take her to LIDL and let her choose her own flavour of crisps (between pickled onion or roast beef MM).
2. I put some extra quavers in bowls out
3. Chris Deburgh (Lady in Red) or Enigma (Sadeness) in the background
4. I febreeze the sheets and turn up the glade air freshener

And if that doesn't work, I aint gonna be waiting 2 months to find out why. I need to know know_ now_, because imo everything except 1 is total overkill.

(srs, I would ask them long before that what the deal was, and decide based on what they answered. The whole no communication thing for months would have me more weirded out than the idea of no sex tbh.)


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@TheWelshOne

I would rather be with one woman until marriage, then as much as she wants (within reason).

I believe it's just if you truely love someone, it's much better in the bedroom for both people involved. That mental connection and all.

I guess I'm old fashioned. Seems to be a bad thing these days.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

All I am saying is, once the febreeze comes out, the whole thing is moot. It's only ending one way.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

Act to fall said:


> I have no idea. It would obviously depend on the why, for instance, if they didn't feel comfortable with me enough to sleep with me, and we'd been dating for 5 months, I'd be pretty upset that they still felt that way and I'd be skeptical of the relationship. I assume this is about you? So what is the reason why you expect yourself to wait so long? The only thing I can definitely answer is the last question is yes.


Well, it was actually just something I was curious about, not a personal insecurity.

However, being a 30-year-old virgin, I'm unlikely to just jump into bed with the first guy who asks. And I don't expect patience from the majority either, that would be unrealistic and cruel. I was just wondering how normal people interact.



Persephone The Dread said:


> What's everything but sex? Like kissing I guess is one.
> 
> I guess I don't really need to think about this, since I'd almost always be the one making them wait for most things. I ended two relationships, partly because of that, before they did.


I figure everything but PIV (though obv for same-sex couples that gets hazy). Like, if a guy was getting regular BJs, would he be more likely to accept not getting sex? Idk.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

ANX1 said:


> @TheWelshOne
> 
> I would rather be with one woman until marriage, then as much as she wants (within reason).
> 
> ...


:squeeze Old fashioned isn't a bad thing, it's very rare and very sweet. You'll find that girl, I'm sure.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

TheWelshOne said:


> I figure everything but PIV (though obv for same-sex couples that gets hazy). Like, if a guy was getting regular BJs, would he be more likely to accept not getting sex? Idk.


Oh OK. I had one entirely sexless relationship with a guy for about seven months. I guess longer if you count from the first date, but a few months here and there were long distance anyway. The other guy I dated for less time, six months I think. He was way more restless, and I gave him handjobs and made out topless (I did not like that,) think I stopped doing it after a while. He'd get grabby sometimes, and keep trying to grope me, he was very frustrated clearly. I think he thought, after I did some other stuff like give him handjobs because I initiated that, it would escalate but it couldn't. That's all I felt comfortable doing, and even that was offputting towards the end I guess, and sometimes at other times.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

TheWelshOne said:


> Well, it was actually just something I was curious about, not a personal insecurity.
> 
> However, being a 30-year-old virgin, I'm unlikely to just jump into bed with the first guy who asks. And I don't expect patience from the majority either, that would be unrealistic and cruel. I was just wondering how normal people interact.


I think most people would be patient if you explained that, everyone was a virgin once, but given that you're adults the patience wouldn't last that long. Even teens tend to hop into bed within a few months so if as an adult it's pushing 3-6 months or more I'd expect most to be suspicious and concerned. I feel like a relationship needs to have sex, without that intimacy you're lacking a huge part of what makes a relationship and I don't think I could love someone I wasnt able to be physically intimate with.


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

I ended up waiting like 3 months once. But seeing how I had already been waiting for over a decade before dating, I had developed the patience of Job lol.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

Honestly, I'm way more likely to be the one holding the show up than the other person. It was about four months before J and I did anything sexual and about six before we successfully tried "intercourse." Granted, only being able to see one another for a few days out of each month factors into it as well as the fact that I hadn't even held another person's hand romantically prior to meeting J. So it's hard to say what my own particular tolerance levels would be in another scenario. 

What I can say, though, is that there are definitely understanding people out there who are willing to give you the proper time and necessary breathing room, if you need it and are able to explain your perspective well enough (even the most empathetic of people are vulnerable to anxiety and insecurity if they're allowed to assume your hesitation is rooted in a lack of personal trust or attraction, rather than just an overall cautiousness, nerves, etc.) They may be fewer and farther between than some breeds, probably. But they do exist. J is testament to that much. I have a **** ton of weird hang-ups and he's been ridiculously lovely.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

TheWelshOne said:


> :squeeze Old fashioned isn't a bad thing, it's very rare and very sweet. You'll find that girl, I'm sure.


:hug

Thank you for your kind words. 

It is rare, but not sure if it even exist's.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I've always been an odd one in that I pretty much keep love and sex in different places in my brain. I always kind of felt like I would be spoiling an actual caring relationship by getting it tangled all up in lust. Maybe that seems backwards, as I know a lot of people believe that love and sex go together and are the same thing. I never felt that way. I don't really have a problem with sex (sex is great) but I think strangers make the best sex partners.

Maybe I would feel differently if I ever got to that place where lust felt like love.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

I would like to say I wouldn't wait too long but realistically that's really not true, I get extremely nervous and my desire goes way down because of thr anxiety when I'm in the moment. I've made out with people only when tipsy or drunk. I was sort of in the beginning of a ldr once and he suggested we get off to each other via skype and even that freaked me out. I've also broken up with people because I can't see myself having sex with them or am too nervous about the whole thing (even though they are otherwise fine). Idgi, I think I have serious intimacy issues because I'm not asexual.

I think if I somehow managed to get to that step I'd probably ease into it like start by pleasing them first before letting them touch me.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Hmm.....if we did everything but PIV and had great chemistry then I could wait till she was comfortable. But in general I can't see myself waiting that long I'm a pretty sexual person.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I waited all my life for one thing or another. Sex wouldn't be any different. I prefer waiting anyway.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

1st date. Wouldn't mind waiting a week or two for someone I was into.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Lol, today anna akana made a somewhat relevant video.


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## Arrow27 (Apr 12, 2017)

I'm more likely to be the hold up. I actually suspect that's what ended my last relationship, though he didn't say it. I have a hard time with physical intimacy. The comparatively modest make-out session will eventually leave me feeling like I can't breath (and not in a good way) For months and I still wasn't comfortable enough for much past that and he lost interest. I kick myself for it but done is done I suppose. Nerves and fiercely Catholic upbringing wreaks havoc on things.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I would be the one making them wait, and they'd be waiting permanently, and that's a big reason I'm never going to be in a relationship.

I'm not representative of the typical population, obviously. :/


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## michaelthedepressedmess (Apr 27, 2017)

Never, and I mean never, pressure anybody into sex. You are a complete scumbag if you do. That being said sex is super important to me and if we aren't sex compatible that can be a deal breaker. Personally, to me - if we are actually a couple and not just casually dating and we haven't had shed within the first couple of weeks it would be a serious issue.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Aren't women with PCOS real horny? They have high amounts of testosterone.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Aren't women with PCOS real horny? They have high amounts of testosterone.


Probably. (I can't speak for every woman)

However, there's a difference in wanting sex/intimacy and being able to throw yourself into it. Especially with SA as well.

I explained this better to a friend of mine yesterday.

When you're a teenager, you start having experiences slowly. The first kiss is exciting and new and that's the pinnacle of intimacy. Then the sexual stuff starts creeping in, but it's natural to be nervous and want to wait. It's also natural to do a ton of stuff but not be ready for sex yet.

As adults, that doesn't seem to be acceptable. It's assumed you've had all of those experiences and so you don't have to savour them so much. There doesn't have to be that wait, and there shouldn't be, because you know that the end goal is what you're striving for. The rest is just foreplay.

My life - and the lives of a lot of people on this site - is a sort of Big situation. We look like adults but we're not. When placed in adult situations - especially those concerning intimacy - we have no idea what to do, and yet we're expected to know what we're doing. We're expected to just want to get the foreplay out of the way in order to get to the sex.

I'm defective, and I know I'm defective. I also know that the majority of men (including many in the same boat as me) aren't interested in defective. They want normal, they want immediate. My own feelings on the matter are pretty much irrelevant.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

There's a lot of variation in people's first sexual experiences. I don't think everyone had a boyfriend at age 15 and gradually, over months worked up to sex. 

The main way to avoid sex and just keep it at the make-out stage is by only hanging out together in public places. The moment you are in private at your place, the guy's place, or a hotel.....is a green light in many guys' minds for sex or to at least try for sex.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

komorikun said:


> There's a lot of variation in people's first sexual experiences. I don't think everyone had a boyfriend at age 15 and gradually, over months worked up to sex.
> 
> The main way to avoid sex and just keep it at the make-out stage is by only hanging out together in public places. The moment you are in private at your place, the guy's place, or a hotel.....is a green light in many guys' minds for sex or to at least try for sex.


Well it's honestly just a hypothetical. I don't see this ever being an issue for me, I was just curious.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Depends on the relationship pretext. Even if that stipulated my partner's asexuality I would not mind. Snuggling is tops.

However, if we both clearly wanted the same thing, but my partner _always_ had cold feet, it would get annoying and I would interest. At least sexually.


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## thomasjune (Apr 7, 2012)

For me it all depends on how I feel about her or how we feel about each other. Sex its great but is not like I'll walk away from someone special just because she's not ready to sleep with me yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

TheWelshOne said:


> I'm defective, and I know I'm defective. I also know that the majority of men (including many in the same boat as me) aren't interested in defective. They want normal, they want immediate. My own feelings on the matter are pretty much irrelevant.


I wouldn't think you are that way. I believe you are being too hard on yourself.


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## Arrow27 (Apr 12, 2017)

TheWelshOne said:


> However, there's a difference in wanting sex/intimacy and being able to throw yourself into it. Especially with SA as well.
> 
> I explained this better to a friend of mine yesterday.
> 
> ...


Mhm. I feel like a lack of experience is maybe cute and probably excusable when you're youngish. Say early 20s for women. But then you get to the point where, unless maybe if you're religious and looking for religious minded folks, it's more of a "what's wrong with you?" thing.

Not that I expect a guy to wait forever but someone willing to extend the acceptable time window a little bit... that would be super great.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Arrow27 said:


> Mhm. I feel like a lack of experience is maybe cute and probably excusable when you're youngish. Say early 20s for women. But then you get to the point where, unless maybe if you're religious and looking for religious minded folks, it's more of a "what's wrong with you?" thing.


Well it comes down to assumptions about why, if you're a virgin late in life it's going to be assumed that you have a reason for choosing that, and it'll be hard to convince them that they're the one who's going to get you to change your mind. Most people don't have experience with social anxiety, and don't get that you couldn't find someone to date no matter how hard you tried. For them, if you wanted to have sex then you would have just done it already so you must not want sex.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

komorikun said:


> There's a lot of variation in people's first sexual experiences. I don't think everyone had a boyfriend at age 15 and gradually, over months worked up to sex.


That's true, and I also think there's way too much emphasis on the waiting until you feel ready idea for the later in life virgins, which is something I don't entirely understand, because I don't really know what ready means in that context. And I don't think they do either really, it's waiting for a feeling that you don't know what it feels like, waiting for a sign from god that it's okay to have sex now.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, I just don't see the point of waiting for months. I mean you may find out that you really get along with the guy and you trust him but then when it comes time to sexy time, he doesn't do it for you. So you build up the whole losing the virginity thing and then.....major let down.


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## thomasjune (Apr 7, 2012)

I think there's way too much over thinking it. For me "ready" means when someone feel comfortable enough to have sex with someone who they want to have sex with.
Not because they're waiting for gods permission to suck someones dick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

If we are talking about a serious date rather than one night stand then I'd probably find it weird to have sex aftet the first date although if alcohol was involved and both people are game then it becomes a greater probability. I think most people are comfortable with starting off at first base and as you see each other more and sexual tension grows sex follows naturally.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Who knows really. When the time's right, things sort of naturally unfold spontaneously. Like someone said, pressuring someone into it isn't really to your benefit.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

ANX1 said:


> I wouldn't think you are that way. I believe you are being too hard on yourself.


I doubt it. I don't know how to kiss. I don't know how to give handjobs or blowjobs (or the female equivalent). I don't know how to be sexy or alluring or flirtatious, I don't know how to explain what I want (because I don't know what I want). I don't know how to have sex, how to make it enjoyable for either person. I don't know what's expected, what's acceptable, and what's not.

Like @Arrow27 said, that ****'s cute when you're young. But after a while, knowing that you have to find someone patient, who isn't going to laugh when you explain, isn't going to pressure you, isn't going to just give up because it's too much hassle... what else are you but defective?



Act to fall said:


> That's true, and I also think there's way too much emphasis on the waiting until you feel ready idea for the later in life virgins, which is something I don't entirely understand, because I don't really know what ready means in that context. And I don't think they do either really, it's waiting for a feeling that you don't know what it feels like, waiting for a sign from god that it's okay to have sex now.


It's nothing specific to later in life virgins. It's what everyone is told. 'Don't have sex until you're ready'.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@TheWelshOne

All of that is learned from practice, trying different things and communication with your partner who can tell you if doing it correctly and vice versa. Practice makes perfect and practice takes time.

You are speaking of meeting men that are not the correct men for you.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Meh iv'e been waiting for 22 years, if I wait a month then fine with me.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Kevin001 said:


> Hmm.....if we did everything but PIV and had great chemistry then I could wait till she was comfortable. But in general I can't see myself waiting that long I'm a pretty sexual person.


pretty much this.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

ANX1 said:


> @TheWelshOne
> 
> All of that is learned from practice, trying different things and communication with your partner who can tell you if doing it correctly and vice versa. Practice makes perfect and practice takes time.


But practice starts somewhere. By my age, people go into relationships with a myriad of different ways of doing things and they just run through the checklist with their current partner. You don't *teach* a 30something these things. Why would you, when there are millions of other people who are just like them (I won't say better because I know what you'll say to that) but who don't have this baggage?



> You are speaking of meeting men that are not the correct men for you.


I appreciate your opinion on this but for the sake of argument let's look at the men I could potentially meet. Let's say there's 10. And yes, this is a shameless rip-off of one of the smartest people on this website.

So, there's 10 guys, all within legal age (and a comfortable limit for someone of my age), all single, all geographically close:
1 guy doesn't find me physically attractive.
1 guy doesn't date the mentally ill.
1 guy doesn't want commitment.
1 guy doesn't believe in my 'snowflake made-up gender identity/sexuality'.
1 guy doesn't want to wait for me to be 'ready'.
1 guy doesn't date anyone who doesn't want kids (and I most certainly don't).
1 guy doesn't like my political views.
1 guy doesn't date people who don't have a job.
1 guy doesn't date people without a religion.

Now, that's 9 guys. So there's one guy left. This guy is practically a saint, since he fits all that criteria. But here's the thing - does he fit *my* criteria? Do *I* find him physically attractive? Do I like his personality? And if I turn him down, according to the majority of guys on here, I'm a picky *****. Beggars can't be choosers, right?

If I were a conventionally attractive person, I'd have a wider range of options. If I weren't mentally ill, I'd have a wider range of options. If I weren't a virgin, I'd have a wider range of options. I have one person in ten. (Conservative estimate)

You said it yourself - you're old-fashioned and you know it's rare. If you look at it this way, I'm old-fashioned too, and my options are few and far between.

ETA: And before anyone jumps in and says 'Well, losing weight will help, fatass', these are my options once I reach my goal weight. And after I get surgery for a physical medical condition.


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## mattingly94 (Mar 4, 2009)

I would just go with the flow. Sex isn't the most important thing to me when it comes to a relationship. If we are really both into each other then sex could happen quick. To me it all depends on how comfortable I feel with a girl and also what she feels about sex. If she is worth it and wants to wait I would wait forever for her.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

TheWelshOne said:


> I appreciate your opinion on this but for the sake of argument let's look at the men I could potentially meet. Let's say there's 10.


Girl, do you live in a village with 10 people? If so, you need to get out of there, asap  Seriously though, I think most people would need to meet way more than 10 in order to find a compatible person.

Being a virgin later in life is viewed as unusual by some, but keep in mind that nobody's perfect. You might be insecure about your virginity; your boyfriend on the other hand might be insecure about his employment history, education, inability to swim, whatever.

Also, the whole kissing/sex thing tends to come naturally, and it's really not much of a hassle to "teach" or learn those things. When my first boyfriend learned that my first kiss was with him, he was surprised (was he expecting me to drool all over, or something? lol). Things like this kind of come instinctively, and it's really nothing to worry about. I think when you meet somebody who truly likes you, he won't care about your lack of experience and will be happy to take things slowly.


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## RagnarLothbrok (Dec 16, 2016)

Hypothetically, if I hadn't kissed or done anything sexual with them by about the 5th or 6th date I would consider not bothering to pursue anything further. If they made me wait more than 3 months and we were dating it would feel like a waste of time and I'd rather just hang out as friends.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Depends depends, 1 month would be hard for sure.


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## jaggedcreig (Mar 2, 2017)

Like some people have said... depends on the reason for waiting. I'm a waiter, but that's because dating and sex scare the [email protected]#k outta me. (no pun intended)


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*I Never Keep Anyone Waiting*

people operate on a lower frequency / different wavelength to me
Fast & Furious

arriving early is the worst mistake

I get fogged by everyone or they cancel

my active transactions appear pending at other end
my bank records show successful

when I sprint, dodge slow people at supermarket, never a collision. breezing between people. I hear loud echoic reverb PA announcements..
the man... a man wearing....


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

These are the truths I've learned about sex:

(1) You'll never be ready for the 1st time. It'll be awkward, it's going to hurt, and you won't know what the hell is going on.

(2) Objectively speaking, sex is a gross, physical act. There is nothing romantic about the deed itself. I don't know how it is for a woman, but as a man, your arms and legs get tired after a while. I once hurt my knee pretty bad having sex on a couch.

Knowing this, there are three conclusions (at least for me). 

(a) Spontaneity is really important. seizing the moment and letting the lust take hold of you, overcomes point (2).

(b) it's better with someone you care about. The mutual affection overcomes point (2)

(c) all the social, religious, emotional implications, depends on one's maturity.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Micronian said:


> These are the truths I've learned about sex:
> 
> (1) You'll never be ready for the 1st time. It'll be awkward, it's going to hurt, and you won't know what the hell is going on.
> 
> (2) Objectively speaking, sex is a gross, physical act. There is nothing romantic about the deed itself. I don't know how it is for a woman, but as a man, your arms and legs get tired after a while. I once hurt my knee pretty bad having sex on a couch.


What? Lol. My first time was great, just as I imagined. But I was older than most so. Agree with the physical part.....the better shape you're in the better the sex.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Usually if you lose it to someone when you're a little older and it's with someone you know and attracted to and they know what they're doing, then your first time can be good.

If it's like with some random chick off the street, you just walk up to them and be like hey let's bang! It probably won't be good...


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@TheWelshOne

Experience can be a positive. If you mention you are not experienced, then they can mention what not to do (from their experiences). Usually talk about it before doing it, hence the communication before and while doing it.

Also I believe list's like that go out the window when you find the one for you. No partner matches list's perfectly.

Weight doesn't matter that much, as I have known men that won't accept skinny women (men like that do exist). The weight thing is usually only for health reasons, longevity. More for your health than what he wants. Also to make you feel better.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

ANX1 said:


> @TheWelshOne
> 
> Experience can be a positive. If you mention you are not experienced, then they can mention what not to do (from their experiences). Usually talk about it before doing it, hence the communication before and while doing it.
> 
> ...


You really do believe that don't you? Wow, you're like an angel that only sees the best in humanity.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

TheWelshOne said:


> You really do believe that don't you? Wow, you're like an angel that only sees the best in humanity.


 0


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I don't care. I've been sexually active for the better part of my life without intercourse, I can wait some more. Or indeed, indefinitely. I'll probably never date though.


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## Strago (Jan 12, 2017)

Since I don't have any experience dating, I don't know how long it would take before I felt comfortable enough with someone to be ready to have sex with them. I definitely can't see that happening in only one or two dates, so it would probably be me making the other person wait rather than the other way around.

Assuming hypothetically that I did feel comfortable enough with someone and wanted to become intimate but they didn't, how long I would be willing to wait would depend on what their reasons were. If its that they are like me and were a virgin, or not very experienced, and just weren't comfortable yet, I would certainly be willing to wait. If there reason was more something like they are asexual, or they don't find me attractive, or don't believe in any sex before marriage, then we probably wouldn't be compatible and it would likely be best to break things off.

As a side note, I consider oral sex to be sex, since you are still putting yourself at risk for STIs.



TheWelshOne said:


> Probably. (I can't speak for every woman)
> 
> However, there's a difference in wanting sex/intimacy and being able to throw yourself into it. Especially with SA as well.
> 
> ...


I empathize with this so much.  I think because of my own lack of experience I would be pretty tolerant of someone else with this similar situation. I don't represent most people though.


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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

I believe that sexual chemistry is important in a long term relationship, but I'm not going to hold anyone to some timeline when we're just dating. There are a lot of other, more important, things that need to be discovered and settled on before the sex.

If it happens sooner rather than later, okay, but at no point am I going to be telling the girl that she'd better be open for business by a certain date, else I walk. When we're both comfortable with it is what I'd want, whenever that may be.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yeah I probably should have pointed out I'm not normal at all, but I feel like anyone who's read any of my posts would be well aware of that already lol.. Plus the people I dated were mostly normal, little introverted but that's not abnormal and one had a low sex drive/wasn't as interested in sexual stuff as most guys.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Spindrift said:


> I believe that sexual chemistry is important in a long term relationship, but I'm not going to hold anyone to some timeline when we're just dating. There are a lot of other, more important, things that need to be discovered and settled on before the sex.
> 
> If it happens sooner rather than later, okay, but at no point am I going to be telling the girl that she'd better be open for business by a certain date, else I walk. When we're both comfortable with it is what I'd want, whenever that may be.


I would say most people probably feel that way, but, eventually it's going to start to become a problem if the other person still isn't comfortable. If it goes on long enough then you're in a sexless long term relationship, and you said in your first sentence that sexual chemistry is important to you. So I think that's the point of the question, when is that point for you, where it becomes too much of a problem that you can't keep waiting anymore.


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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

Act to fall said:


> I would say most people probably feel that way, but, eventually it's going to start to become a problem if the other person still isn't comfortable. If it goes on long enough then you're in a sexless long term relationship, and you said in your first sentence that sexual chemistry is important to you. So I think that's the point of the question, when is that point for you, where it becomes too much of a problem that you can't keep waiting anymore.


If I'm with the person long enough that it starts to threaten the future of a long term relationship, then I'd much sooner try to solve the problem with my partner than simply leave.

If the issue is that she's anxious or suffering from some past trauma, I'm more than willing to take things slow and limit ourselves to what my partner is comfortable with. If the relationship is one that I could see lasting a lifetime, then there's no saying how long I'd wait. At that point, sex may be something I'd be willing compromise on, despite its importance.

If it's that she's simply uninterested in anything sexual (i.e., asexual), I'd imagine that would be out in the open well before a long term relationship developed. That just comes down to a matter of compatibility.

It's hard to say where the line is drawn because there's so much more to a relationship than sex. If we're just talking about dating, though, I don't have any expectations.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

scarpia said:


> But I DO like the idea of regular bjs. Would you tie the guy up? Then you can just keep him tied up and he HAS to wait. Just don't forget to feed him once in a while.


Chains in the basement, regular feeding schedule. I'll even let him out every now and then for walkies.


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## Chris S W (Mar 5, 2017)

Forever.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Changed my mind would wait till whenever she was comfortable . Sex is important but its not that important.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

It depends how much you need and value sex in a relationship. And what you are hoping to get the most out of the relationship. Your objective in having the relationship to begin with. 

I personally do value more at if I like the actual person and compatibility more than sex. There are lots of things one can do with your partner aside from sex. But I guess I don't have a high sex drive as most so my perspective is different. If my partner wants sex, then good. If not, then I can find ways to self pleasure in my own time and my partner hopefully will understand. I don't think sex is a major necessity in all relationships. But it definitely is a good complementary thing to enhance the relationship if needed and desired by both parties.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

Kevin001 said:


> Changed my mind would wait till whenever she was comfortable . Sex is important but its not that important.


Changed your mind? Lol, who've you got your eye on?


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

TheWelshOne said:


> Changed your mind? Lol, who've you got your eye on?


Damn a guy can't just change his mind? Lmao.

But nah I've been so sex driven over the years I'm scaling it back. Getting to know people on deeper levels. I don't want my next relationship to be based off sex....want to get to know the girl on all levels besides sexually. Sex will come wayyyy later down the road.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Third date rule is probably best.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

I guess it depends really... let's be frank here. Perhaps I have this out of order, relative to most in society. But for me, in a relationship you start out by having sex as an emotional expression of your feelings for the other, i.e. "Making Love". After that, it can become many things, i.e. emotional closeness, animal desires, something to do out of boredom, or a sleep aid.

So, if I was in a relationship and i felt strongly for them, I'd want to show that in a physical way. If they were hesitant to share that same expression before too long i.e. 6-8 weeks, I'd begin to wonder if they really didn't see me as a life partner.

I just don't believe in this "let's like each other for months" stuff. You either know you see someone as a partner, or you don't...and that happens pretty quickly...for me, anyway.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

I can't give you insight on how normal people interact. But here's what I'd do. If they didn't show any interest in having sex with me for so long I would assume that they don't find me sexually attractive which would feed my insecurities. Then I'd break it off. But I don't think I'd date anybody in the first place. For two reasons: a) I would have way to much anxiety about sex, and b) I am more on the asexual side I guess. I have a sex drive, I masturbate and watch porn sometimes, but I am hardly ever sexually attracted to anybody. Having a crush on someone doesn't make me sexually interested in them. Having an emotional bond with someone won't either (not that I ever shared an emotional bond with anybody). I can't imagine such a thing as hot + romantic sex. If I am sexually attracted to someone (which is rare) it's always someone I don't know, and when I get to know them even just a bit their sexiness often disappears. The whole romantic partnership thing seems weirder and weirder to me over time. Maybe I'm a repressed gay or just ace, idk.


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

It depends on the person. 
If their actions are questionable, I'd hesitate and question if they're worth my time. If they're sincere, genuinely care about me, and we have great chemistry... Probably not that long


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