# Has premarital sex ruined dating?



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Don't freak out, it's just food for thought. I don't believe this is true but I suspect it's probably true. I would love to hear other opinions.

A man sees two women at a bar. They are both attractive but one is dressed very provocatively and the other is dressed normally. Who will he talk to first?

The vast majority of men will talk to the provocatively dressed girl because they think their chance of getting sex that night is better. A lot of men go out not to find a girlfriend or life long partner but just to "get laid" that night. But it's not just the "hot" women who get attention. Since there are not enough hot women to go around, men will approach women they don't find attractive just to get laid.

The average woman suffers. Average looking women will get attention from above average looking men. These relationships don't last long because once the men get what they want they move on to the next one. She'll reject an average guy because her ex boyfriends were more attractive.

The average man suffers. The average looking man will have trouble finding an equivalent woman because better looking men are occupying multiple women. To them it appears that women are really shallow but the reality is that they are suffering because men are overly preoccupied with premarital sex.

Without premarital sex, men wouldn't chase after the Kim Kardashians and Paris Hiltons of the world because generally that's not the type of woman men want to marry. They wouldn't date women they're not genuinely attracted to thus freeing them up for men who are genuinely attracted to them. 

Generally, premarital sex distorts the market. It makes sex and superficial qualities seem more important than they are and creates a lot of divorces and loneliness. I didn't even mention all the misery caused by unintended pregnancies and STD's. Finally, it causes women to base their self-esteem on how sexy they are. It causes men to base their self-esteem on how many hot women they can "bang."


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

Well it's quite a theory.

I could seriously never have casual sex. It seems boring.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Average women attract above averagely looking men by dressing provocatively? And then reject averagely looking men for being less than their previous relations? That does not make sense to me.

Most women go through life knowing pretty well who they can attract and who not. Attraction is also about a lot else, i.e. money, status and success.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

In the first place she's theorizing casual sex. Many people don't practice casual sex and instead go for long-term relationships. Apparently those people are left out of the equation.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> The average man suffers. The average looking man will have trouble finding an equivalent woman because better looking men are occupying multiple women. To them it appears that women are really shallow but the reality is that they are suffering because men are overly preoccupied with premarital sex.


That's a good point. Marriage limits one man to one woman so that everyone has a chance to get into a relationship. Otherwise the natural dynamic among primates (including humans) is for the alpha male to mate with all the available females leaving the beta males with nothing.


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## mavis1 (Mar 6, 2014)

"The average man suffers. The average looking man will have trouble finding an equivalent woman because better looking men are occupying multiple women. To them it appears that women are really shallow but the reality is that they are suffering because men are overly preoccupied with premarital sex."

What?? From what I have experienced, most women (even really pretty ones) are happy to date an average looking man as long as he is smart and has a good personality. Men know this, so even the average ones seem to go for the "hot" women in most cases, leaving average women in the cold. This isn't always the case but seems to apply particularly in the online dating world.
But to answer your first question, I would say to a large extent yes. I am one of what seems to be very few people nowadays waiting for marriage. And although I am average looking with a decent figure and I know I could get more attention if I dressed provocatively, I don't because it makes me feel cheap. I've been waiting a long time to find someone.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I'm hugely pro- premarital sex, and not at all anti- casual sex, but all the same... I think you might be onto something. Not entirely, but in some areas, I think there are a few grains of truth. I never thought I'd be agreeing with one of your posts, but there's a first time for everything.



AngelClare said:


> (...) Since there are not enough hot women to go around, men will approach women they don't find attractive just to get laid.
> 
> The average woman suffers. Average looking women will get attention from above average looking men. These relationships don't last long because once the men get what they want they move on to the next one. She'll reject an average guy because her ex boyfriends were more attractive.


I'd consider myself an average looking gal, and I've actually noticed this in myself.

Will still stand by the idea that attractiveness/unattractiveness is mostly subjective, though.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Before your parents picked out your husband. They still do that in India among other places. That doesn't sound any better. 

Divorce after you have kids is pretty bad but staying married to someone you can't stand isn't that great either.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Before your parents picked out your husband. They still do that in India among other places. That doesn't sound any better.


Agreed. I like this way of doing things much better than any alternative.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

komorikun said:


> Before your parents picked out your husband. They still do that in India among other places. That doesn't sound any better.
> 
> Divorce after you have kids is pretty bad but staying married to someone you can't stand isn't that great either.


That's probably why divorce spiked in the 70's because the feminist movement caused unhappy wives to have enough guts to divorce their husbands that they were never happy with.

I have no idea why people divorce so easily today. Perhaps people are more openly selfish and naive?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think it was more the economy. If you can't work or can only make very little then of course you will stay married to the husband you hate.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

komorikun said:


> I think it was more the economy. If you can't work or can only make very little then of course you will stay married to the husband you hate.


That's very true. A lot of wives were economically dependent on their husbands because they were expected to be a housewife.

Times have changed. Today it's consider normal for both spouses to work, even in the middle-class.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

I'm for pre marital sex as well ( try before you buy ) and if I meet someone and we get on it will last beyond one or two nights if not move on , I do think most not all people in bars and clubs male and female aren't there to find a life partner they are usually there for either fun or to pick up . There is nothing wrong in my opinion in pre marital sex as I don't believe marriage is important and also don't believe the greater majority of marriages last a life time till death do they part so for me I meet a nice girl , we get on we share part of out lives together then when the relationship gets stale and boring and we become mundane robots ( the spark has gone ) it's time to move on for a new adventure or experience Some relationships last years , some weeks ,some don't go beyond one night . Sex is not the staple that holds it together . One of my longest relationships started in a bar and what could have been a one night Stand but we got on really well and it lasted longer than some marriages .


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

AngelClare said:


> Since there are not enough hot women to go around, men will approach women they don't find attractive just to get laid.
> 
> The average woman suffers. Average looking women will get attention from above average looking men. These relationships don't last long because once the men get what they want they move on to the next one. She'll reject an average guy because her ex boyfriends were more attractive.


I see your point. Men are often willing to lower their standards for sex or a sex based short term relationship but not for the kind of relationship many women would want. This will end up hurting some women in the long term if they're not clever about it, and think that because they've been approached by certain guys for sex, it automatically means they should be able to get similar guys for long term relationships.

But I don't think that _all _ women necessarily believe the above, and as long as they don't, then that isn't a huge problem on an individual level.



AngelClare said:


> *Generally, premarital sex distorts the market. It makes sex and superficial qualities seem more important than they are* and creates a lot of divorces and loneliness. I didn't even mention all the misery caused by unintended pregnancies and STD's. *Finally, it causes women to base their self-esteem on how sexy they are. It causes men to base their self-esteem on how many hot women they can "bang."*


The bolded bits above also make sense. I think casual sex is fine but I don't think it should be put up on a pedestal. It's a recreational activity like any other, if you enjoy taking part in it fine, but it shouldn't be something that people feel is all-important, and your ability to get it shouldn't be tied to your self worth.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Premarital sex spoils the surprise.

In relationships, it only fuels the "comfort factor". Commitment is not as concrete and that leaves room for insecurity.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Premarital sex spoils the surprise.
> 
> In relationships, it only fuels the "comfort factor". Commitment is not as concrete and that leaves room for insecurity.


Not going you just wondering 
Do you think sex provides more security in a relationship than commitment .


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Grog said:


> Not going you just wondering
> Do you think sex provides more security in a relationship than commitment .


physically yes, but not any further.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> physically yes, but not any further.[/
> 
> Ok .
> Was going to say commitment isn't really physical
> ...


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Lisa said:


> Average women attract above averagely looking men by dressing provocatively? And then reject averagely looking men for being less than their previous relations? That does not make sense to me.


I see where OP is getting at. Most guys especially in a party or club environment would go after the girls who are dressed provocatively which makes the women think that they can get any man of equal sexual attraction to commit to her. So when an average looking man approaches her the same way she thinks she can do better. That's how I read it.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> The average woman suffers. *Average looking women will get attention from above average looking men.* These relationships don't last long because once the men get what they want they move on to the next one. *She'll reject an average guy because her ex boyfriends were more attractive.*


That would be based on the assumption that women are very looks-oriented when selecting their partners, and will refuse to get with a guy who's less physically attractive than their ex. I believe this isn't quite the case.



> Without premarital sex, men wouldn't chase after the Kim Kardashians and Paris Hiltons of the world because *generally that's not the type of woman men want to marry.*


 Wild assumption. Both of them got married, and certainly not with an average schmuck - with the kind of guys who can sure attract women.



> *Generally, premarital sex distorts the market. It makes sex and superficial qualities seem more important than they are and creates a lot of divorces and loneliness.* I didn't even mention all the misery caused by unintended pregnancies and STD's. *Finally, it causes women to base their self-esteem on how sexy they are.* It causes men to base their self-esteem on how many hot women they can "bang."


*1.* Premarital sex creates lots of divorces? Why?

*2.* If people were saving themselves for "The one" would that mean they'd pick uglier partners? Why would women stop basing their self-esteem on their looks? Looks will always play a major role, marriage doesn't change the rules of biological attraction.



millenniumman75 said:


> Premarital sex spoils the surprise.


If it's a bad surprise, better spoil it in advance!


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Here a question / thought 
Do looks matter when your younger then if the "one " doesn't come along and the biological clock is ticking does it become not as important and are you willing to settle for what you can get ?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I've seen documentaries on arranged marriages and the men are still very obsessed with marrying as good looking a girl as possible. (I think my grammar went bad there....ooops)


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

Premarital sex hasn't ruined dating, the fact that sex is so easy to get without a commitment has ruined dating. Generations X through Y (my observations) have severe commitment phobias which also has ruined dating. Also take into account that how fast people move in relationships nowadays (Sex on the 1st date, saying I love you by the 3rd date) without the insight to realize the puppy love stage hasn't worn off yet, deals a serious blow to relationship potential. 

This last bit is in no way shape or form an attempt to flame or start a gender wars thread, but modern feminism has a lot to do with it. 

Women in westernized society & culture are raised to believe that all men want a submissive house slave, and that men are sexist pigs etc etc. 

Men want someone to love, not someone to constantly compete with in a gender centralized pissing match. 

Until these things change, I believe you will see the divorce rate and % of single parents continue to rise.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Actually divorce rates have gone down.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

Without premarital sex, as if to say it's actually a possibility. Get real buddy. Just because this forum is flooded with virgins doesn't make it the norm.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Mr Bacon said:


> If it's a bad surprise, better spoil it in advance!


 Surprise as in a good thing. It's spoil when the present is unwrapped too early.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Actually divorce rates have gone down.


Here in America the divorce rate has stayed pretty steady.

http://dailyinfographic.com/divorce-in-america-infographic


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

HilarityEnsues said:


> Here in America the divorce rate has stayed pretty steady.
> 
> http://dailyinfographic.com/divorce-in-america-infographic


I don't see that in your link.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Surprise as in a good thing. It's spoil when the present is unwrapped too early.


And what if it's one of those gifts you say you like not to be rude but you hate?


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I don't see that in your link.


Well forgive me, according to the CDC's NVSS Marriage and Divorce Statistics website it's gone down 1.2% since 2000.

Turn that into a line chart and you'll hardly notice a difference.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

changeme77 said:


> And what if it's one of those gifts you say you like not to be rude but you hate?


 That's the point. Don't get into the situation to begin with if you know you are going to hate it!


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> That's the point. Don't get into the situation to begin with if you know you are going to hate it!


If you re-read what you just posted you'll realize just how ridiculous it is.

How do you know what something will be like without actually trying it?

You must be one of those people who judges a book by its cover.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

theres nothing wrong with premarital sex so long as girls arent being s***s and guys arent being manw***es.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

changeme77 said:


> If you re-read what you just posted you'll realize just how ridiculous it is.
> 
> How do you know what something will be like without actually trying it?
> 
> You must be one of those people who judges a book by its cover.


Excuse me?!

There are people who aren't going to give it up until the right time. If it means a ring on the finger, so be it.

Not everybody tries it before he buys it?

When you're 80, it doesn't matter anyway!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

prettyful said:


> theres nothing wrong with premarital sex so long as girls arent being s***s and guys arent being manw***es.


I aint' gettin' soul-tied to women I would have nothing to do with.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

prettyful said:


> theres nothing wrong with premarital sex so long as girls arent being s***s and guys arent being manw***es.


Yeah. So long as people are still getting into long term relationships, then sex shouldn't be a big deal. IMO: It's a good idea to make sure you are sexually compatible with a person before marriage anyway. All of the problems the OP mentioned were from people sleeping around and having 20+ partners per year. These problems don't exist if people were still looking for LTRs but viewed sex as a nice bonus and way to increase intimacy with your partner.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

arnie said:


> Yeah. So long as people are still getting into long term relationships, then sex shouldn't be a big deal. IMO: It's a good idea to make sure you are sexually compatible with a person before marriage anyway. All of the problems the OP mentioned were from people sleeping around and having 20+ partners per year. These problems don't exist if people were still looking for LTRs but viewed sex as a nice bonus and way to increase intimacy with your partner.


I have to agree. It seems like the majority of people dream or are at least into a monogamous relationship(whether just with dating or marriage) or still want long-term relationships. Polygamy is a minority and I think it will stay that way for a long time.

If there was less casual sex and more sex between people in long-term relationships perhaps there would be less sexually transmitted diseases, unexpected pregnancy, abortions, and single parents?


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## MoonlitMadness (Mar 11, 2013)

But people don't just have premarital sex with people they meet in clubs..? I think y'all are thinking too much. People aren't as fussy as they like to be on paper. God, what am I even saying? Nothing makes sense anymore!!


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

arnie said:


> Yeah. So long as people are still getting into long term relationships, then sex shouldn't be a big deal. IMO: It's a good idea to make sure you are sexually compatible with a person before marriage anyway. All of the problems the OP mentioned were from people sleeping around and having 20+ partners per year. These problems don't exist if people were still looking for LTRs but viewed sex as a nice bonus and way to increase intimacy with your partner.


I agree. Both extremes cause unhappiness. If people only had sex with people they loved the world would be a much better place.

On this forum there are two very common complaints. Guys complaining that they can't even get an average looking woman. Girls complaining that they can only get sex but not a relationship. Given that there are slightly more women than men you would expect an average guy to easily find an average girl. But that would be assuming one guy seeks one girl. The reality is more like some guys lots of girls and some guys none. It's more of a sex game than a mating game. This explains all the complaints.

Then you have all the people complaining that they are ugly. In a society where getting laid is the highest ideal, being attractive becomes the egos greatest goal. Being ugly becomes the greatest fear.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Not for the average person. Only for those who want to wait til marriage to do it.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I've seen documentaries on arranged marriages and the men are still very obsessed with marrying as good looking a girl as possible. (I think my grammar went bad there....ooops)


That's a good point.

Without casual sex men would still want a beautiful wife. What casual sex does is make beauty the only thing that matters because that's the only thing you need for sex.

I'll give you a great example. Someone conducted an experiment where they created a profile using a sexy woman's photo. The content of the profile was made to be that of a horrible human being. Yet the account inbox was still flooded with messages of interest. Even when messages were exchanged there was almost nothing that could be said that would turn these men off. Some may conclude that it's because men are shallow. But I think it's obvious that these men are only interested in having sex with her. They don't care about her other negative qualities because they have no intention of entering into a long term relationship with her.

In those arranged marriage cultures you mentioned, beauty is important but reputation and education are also extremely important. My best friend is Indian and I've personally witnessed the selection process. But while arranged marriages usually happen in cultures where premarital sex is discouraged they are two different subjects.

P.S. There was a "South Park" episode where all the girls at school were trying to dress and behave like Paris Hilton. It was a valid social commentary about how our culture encourages women to focus on being sexy at the expense of all other qualities.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> I agree. Both extremes cause unhappiness. If people only had sex with people they loved the world would be a much better place.
> 
> *On this forum there are two very common complaints.* Guys complaining that they can't even get an average looking woman. Girls complaining that they can only get sex but not a relationship. Given that there are slightly more women than men you would expect an average guy to easily find an average girl. But that would be assuming one guy seeks one girl. The reality is more like some guys lots of girls and some guys none. It's more of a sex game than a mating game. This explains all the complaints.
> 
> Then you have all the people complaining that they are ugly. In a society where getting laid is the highest ideal, being attractive becomes the egos greatest goal. Being ugly becomes the greatest fear.


On this forum we're all either socially anxious or suffer from depression, BDD etc, which impairs us in the game and makes us delve in negative thought patterns. We're not exactly the norm. And according to polls, if I remember, around 45% of women on this forum are in relationships.

Average Joes don't have that much of a hard time getting into relationships or finding sex with average Janes. It's more than common nowadays.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I think an increase in casual sex and casual dating is a good thing. Monogamy, marriage, and relationships aren't right for everyone and it just causes unhappiness when that's the norm and all that's available. People getting married when that's not right for them and ending up cheating; or people getting into committed relationships because they want sex but casual sex doesn't exist - that doesn't sound good at all.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Mr Bacon said:


> On this forum we're all either socially anxious or suffer from depression, BDD etc, which impairs us in the game and makes us delve in negative thought patterns. We're not exactly the norm. And according to polls, if I remember, around 45% of women on this forum are in relationships.
> 
> Average Joes don't have that much of a hard time getting into relationships or finding sex with average Janes. It's more than common nowadays.


But it's not just this forum. These complaints are pretty universal. I'm sure that those with SA suffer more but women without SA also have trouble finding a stable relationship. I'm pretty sure an average Joe has a hard time finding an average Jane.

Feel free to google "why is dating hard" you're going to get a lot of hits. It's not just SA folk who have a hard time. It's just even harder if you have SA (but not impossible).


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Gwynevere said:


> I think an increase in casual sex and casual dating is a good thing. Monogamy, marriage, and relationships aren't right for everyone and it just causes unhappiness when that's the norm and all that's available. People getting married when that's not right for them and ending up cheating; or people getting into committed relationships because they want sex but casual sex doesn't exist - that doesn't sound good at all.


The problem is that women that *don't *sleep around are getting shamed for it now. :con


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

arnie said:


> The problem is that women that *don't *sleep around are getting shamed for it now. :con


Women are shamed for whatever they do. So that's not really an effect of casual sex increasing.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

arnie said:


> Yeah. So long as people are still getting into long term relationships, then sex shouldn't be a big deal. IMO: It's a good idea to make sure you are sexually compatible with a person before marriage anyway. All of the problems the OP mentioned were from people sleeping around and having 20+ partners per year. These problems don't exist if people were still looking for LTRs but viewed sex as a nice bonus and way to increase intimacy with your partner.


It's a fact that throughout history only 40% of men have managed to reproduce compared to 80% of women. When humans are left to their own devices, only the top half of men have a chance at sex while the beta males are shut out. It works, because one alpha male can mate with many many women and from an evolutionary biology perspective this makes sense for women to go after men with the higher quality genetics. However the ultimate downside is that it leaves billions of men lonely without partners and unattached men are a catalyst for social unrest.


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## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

In some ways yes. I think its a lot easier for people to have casual sex than it was in the past. At the same time though, I think most people want to know what they are getting before they get married.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

Blaming sexual activity for problems in relationship prospects is like blaming pie for making people hungry and fat. 

Sexual activity is just sexual activity.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

"The average woman suffers. Average looking women will get attention from above average looking men. These relationships don't last long because once the men get what they want they move on to the next one. She'll reject an average guy because her ex boyfriends were more attractive."

I agree with this knock on effect, and of course the knock on effect it causes.... Especially with online dating.

Honestly speaking as i'm sure most of us are aware, most of the guy's on dating websites want sex, whereas most of the women on dating websites want relationships.

A lot of women can get above their standards on dating websites. Often though the "hot" guy's they pick are the 1's who plan to sleep around but falsely claim they are after a relationship to tempt them. Soon after the guy has had their way with the woman, he cuts contact and the woman ends up hurt.

You can tell this happens by the amount of women who put stuff like "fed up of being used/hurt" on their profiles. However it's sad to say that most wont ever learn their lesson and when the next hot guy above their standards send's a message to them, they repeat the process over again.

People need to be realistic. If someone above your standards comes along, it's more than likely they either want to use you or they are having a desperate time and are far from relationship material.


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## loophole (Apr 15, 2012)

It'll create way more marriage problems.... I could go on and on on why


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## Gas Raid (Feb 19, 2014)

Personally I don't do casual sex. People at bars aren't looking for lifelong partners, you can meet them at the workplace or through connections (plus billions of other ways). The bar crowd is just hooking up, and that's perfectly fine if that's what they want to do.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

I think social inequality changes the dynamic as well. Realistically, you are not going to be able to get people to stop having premarital sex without changing the society drastically. However, people should ask themselves, "If you are dating someone much "better" than you why would would they want to be with you?" (ie what motivations do they have that may be subconscious that they do not admit even to themselves).


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

An interesting idea - so basically you're saying the concept of complete freedom(sexually) has caused everyone to indulge in a kind of 'race to the bottom'.

It's very possible I think.


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## Jfisch (Mar 11, 2014)

No it hasn't. 

Dating has ruined dating. It's become a hunt for love, which we are told we need in life or we are doing it wrong. 

Premarital sex is only a term that exists because some men decided that they now had some farmland and no one else could have it they also had a women for whatever they wanted and then said his ownership of the women had to be bound by law, so he wouldn't have to tell everyone she was his, the ring would do that for him.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

pete24 said:


> People need to be realistic. If someone above your standards comes along, it's more than likely they either want to use you or they are having a desperate time and are far from relationship material.


That sounds like a very negative way of thinking. Someone "above your standards" may find something above standard about you. You never know why someone finds you attractive or interesting.

I think a better lesson is to avoid casual sex if you're looking for a relationship. Sex confuses things. You don't know if this person is really interested in you or just looking to use you. But something just as difficult to figure out is your own motive. Understanding your own motives is just as difficult. Are you genuinely interested in this person or are you being blinded by lust?

A better thread title would have been "Has casual sex ruined dating?"


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

AngelClare said:


> That sounds like a very negative way of thinking. Someone "above your standards" may find something above standard about you. You never know why someone finds you attractive or interesting.
> 
> I think a better lesson is to avoid casual sex if you're looking for a relationship. Sex confuses things. You don't know if this person is really interested in you or just looking to use you. But something just as difficult to figure out is your own motive. Understanding your own motives is just as difficult. Are you genuinely interested in this person or are you being blinded by lust?
> 
> *A better thread title would have been "Has casual sex ruined dating?"*


I thought that.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

To modify or clarify my earlier statements I have a friend who seems to need attention probably because of her past. Because of this she tends to jump straight into "relationships" (which usually last 2 weeks) and then they end. Sometimes I get the impression that she is interested in me. But, to be honest I would never date her because she is so chaotic and erratic I couldn't trust her. I think love requires a certain stability of mind and behavior so you can develop a cycle with a person and know how to please them and so they know how to please you. If you are constantly jumping around from person to person you a) don't develop those skills and b) you become desperate and seek attention constantly and this makes you undesirable to someone seeking someone special to grow with


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

I was about to make a thread about this and then I found it.

So I've got nothing to say. I read it all


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

I don't really want to have premarital sex I just want to have a good relationship with a girl as I have never ever been in one


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

No, I don't think so. Firstly, I can see what you mean with casual sex (which I don't think is evil or anything, just not my cup of tea), but I (personally) don't see how having sex with a girlfriend/boyfriend is any different than having sex with a husband or wife. If you love each other, does it _really_ matter whether or not you've exchanged legal contracts or not? Most of us love several people and go through several relationships, even several marriages, until we find the person we can spend the rest of our lives with. And the worst part is, you never know if those feelings will last. So why make sure you're only ever going to have sex with the person you're going to marry if it might not work out after all? And why wait to have sex with someone you love until you are legally bound together?


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