# Pregnant, have to work so I don't lose my house, and melting down at my new job



## LonelyBoo (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi. New here, first post. I am so desperate for help I want to try anything. I have social anxiety, general anxiety and a bipolar spectrum disorder.

It's my third week on a new job that pays vastly more than my old job did (which was with a great company that let me work around my problems, but they were in financial trouble and laying people off). But I hate it here. I am stressed out, not good at it, and going out to my car to have meltdowns/panic attacks and terrified i will lose this job. I am married but I am the primary breadwinner-- my husband is a wonderful man but makes basically no money at all. If I lose this job we will lose the house because I pay 95% of our expenses/our mortgage.

To make matters worse in terms of anxiety, I found out about 2 months ago that I am pregnant, so i had to stop some of my medication. My anxiety and other issues were well controlled until I stopped meds.

Im so lost. All I want to do is leave this awful job and never come back, take some time to regroup, live on much needed disability. But I can't without losing my house and being unable to afford this baby.

I don't know what anyone can say that will help... Just throwing out an SOS here. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Tell your husband to go look for a better job or a second job.
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## kisarose (Jun 23, 2013)

I would go see a doctor and talk to them about the anxiety and stress that you're experiencing because you can't take your medication anymore. Recently in my developmental psychology course that I'm taking at the moment, we talked about the increased birth risks such as low birth weight or premature birth that are associated with stress and anxiety of the mother. Not diagnosing you or anything since I'm not a licensed individual but I highly recommend that you do see a doctor.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Have you talked to your doctor about alternative meds? Maybe there are some that will help you and not affect the pregnancy.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Your man needs to step up NOW. He is going to have a family soon. He should be bearing the stress you are going through right now. I would stay at that job, but strongly insist that your husband get a better job. No joke.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I don't wanna be that guy, but I mean, I have to ask. Is abortion on the table? Because this sounds like a pretty awful situation, and I don't know how you'd be able to raise a kid with one income (especially the woman's) and living so close to losing everything. Two months means you still can everywhere, if you wait longer you might have to travel to do it.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Your man does need to step up. I work despite having severe anxiety and depression and a whole list of other disorders, too many to name. I work so that I can pay child support. Even tho I know my ex-wife is just blowing most of it on herself. When my oldest daughter was just born, I worked two jobs....80 hours per week....sometimes more so my ex could stay home with her. He seriously needs to step up.

Sent from my HTC_Amaze_4G


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## power2theweak (Jan 2, 2009)

Haven't had time to read any of the responses, so forgive me if this is a repeat. I think there should be medications that are OK to take during pregnancy. Talk to your OB when you are at a visit. He/she should be able to help you. Best of luck to you and congrats on the baby!


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Maybe you bought a house beyond your means? Let it go, downsize, and you can relax for a while if you need to. The baby will benefit a lot more from a less-stressed mom than from a big house.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think the avoiding certain medications thing is most important during the 1st trimester when everything is forming. After that it becomes less of a problem since all the organs have already been formed. So maybe once you are 4 months along you can take the meds again.

http://www.merckmanuals.com/profess...tetrics/drugs-in-pregnancy/drugs-in-pregnancy


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Does your husband know?


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Is he unable to work? He doesn't seem like a wonderful man if he doesn't do any work for his wife or kid.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

lol at all the comments about the husband having to "man up". Welcome to equality, its a *****.

I feel bad for you op, but it does sound like maybe the house is beyond your means.


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## LonelyBoo (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi all, sorry it took so long to respond. Thanks all for the replies.

A few things:
My husband does have 2 jobs and they're harder than mine, so it's not as if he doesn't work hard. It's just that the jobs he has,based on his education level, don't bring much money in and there's little opportunity to move up without him going back to school which is not an option financially. Also yes, as some have suggested, I definitely bought a house beyond my means (I bought the house on my own before I met him). We share expenses now but is just that I make vastly more than he does due to my level of education. I also brought debt to the marriage and a house while he had neither-- so it's actually fitting that I contribute so much more.

As one commenter put it-- yeah welcome to equality. My husband will probably stay home part time with our baby because it's cheaper to lose his income than pay for daycare... No one would bat an eye if it was a woman doing this and the man earning most of the living! But I digress.

I've been feeling a lot better since the feeling of desperation i had in my original post. With me, anxiety comes and goes with my mood cycle. Today I feel perfectly capable of handling this job, tomorrow I might not. But, I know I need a contingency plan in case I melt down and lose the job or something.

Anyway thank you to all who commented. I do have several forms of "therapy" that are not pills: light therapy, yoga breathing, CET, talk therapy. But going off the meds was still a huge blow 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

Your husband needs to get another job or just more hours. 

I have a friend who is basically where you are now. When she got pregnant, she kept saying "he'll pick up more hours" or "He'll find another job to help". Her husband told her he would do that. Even though we do have a decent maternity leave set up here in Canada, it's only 50% of one's paycheque. My friend was making peanuts before so they were living on next to nothing while her husband didn't help out at all.

He kept talking like he would get another job or more hours but whenever she asked him to help he would b*tch and moan. He was only working 10 hours a week. My friend was working 60 hours at her job each week right up to three days before the baby came. As soon as she came off maternity leave, she went to 50 hours a week, husband still didn't pick up any hours, he doesn't cook or clean for them, and he only plays with their son. He doesn't change diapers or try to teach him to speak, he does nothing. My friend is completely miserable and exhausted.

Your husband needs to step up now because if he doesn't then it's just more and more pressure on you. He'll come to expect you to do everything and he'll walk all over you.

But hey, I'm just speaking from what I've seen with different women, including my friend. 
I'd suggest you sit your husband down, discuss all the types of things that add to stress and how stress is bad for you and the baby. Also go through your financials and budget how much the baby clothes/food/furniture/medical bills etc will be. If you two plan it out then maybe he'll see that he really needs to help.

If the jobs or hours your husband works isn't enough then you should consider selling the house and get a smaller one or just renting for awhile. 

Good luck! Hope it works out for you!


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## BlueDay (May 6, 2014)

In all fairness to this man we don't know, it IS tough to find even one job for many....especially if skills and education are low. I'm always surprised in a mental illness forum how quick people are to judge others.


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## BJam (May 6, 2014)

I would say discuss things with your husband, and family (if you have family in the picture), or anyone else who you can depend on. Sometimes people close to you, who care about you and the child, are more willing to help than you realize. Putting it all on yourself is going to be a tough burden to bear.

Maybe you can cut expenses. Take a look at the budget and how much each of you is spending. It seems a bit strange that your husband works 2 jobs (so I'm guessing 60 or so hours) and you're still paying 95% of the mortgage. Even at minimum wage, that should equate to something. Cut cable, eating out, etc, etc, all the non-essentials. Try to put together a budget based on what he makes and what needs to be spent. At the end of the day, if it really won't work and you really can't scrape by for those months, maybe it's time to downsize. Realistically, it might not be a bad idea to cut down anyhow, if you're living that close to your means, in a job that you aren't comfortable in.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Should've thought twice before procreating... Now your husband has to pay the price. Agreed with Nubly.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

What does your husband do and how much does he pull in a month? That sounds weird that he works two jobs and doesn't make enough to support the two of you.


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