# Rough situation - please help



## Anxietea (Jul 29, 2015)

My aunt died four days ago. Her children were alone because their father was in a different country so they've been staying with us. Their father is back but they're not ready to go back and deal with being in that house again so they're staying with us for a while. It's been tears and uncomfortable silences and I don't know how to deal with it. I know I need to console them but I don't know how to talk to them. Every time I open my mouth nothing comes out. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing. Everyone's saying there is no wrong or right thing to say in times of bereavement but there has to be. I feel like I'm being terrible, sitting around them all the time but not being able to say anything. It's bad enough that I'm not good at talking to them in the first place but now that they're grieving it's worse. 
I'm not close with my cousins as I used to be.
Advice much appreciated


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/11/20/8-tips-to-help-console-a-grieving-friend/


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Grief is going to come out no matter what.
Above anything, I would listen to what they would have to say and their fears.

This is a very HARD time for them. I lost my father in 2007 and it took a good six weeks before I was able to break out of the "autopilot" mode and cry for the first time.

Each loss is different for each person. Expect a lot of emotions.


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## MollyOwl (Aug 17, 2015)

I think your loving presence is the best thing you can offer them. There are no words that can take away their pain, but it is comforting to know you are there for them.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

^Yeah, you don't necessarily need words to comfort them. Simply be in their presence, and maybe play with them or cheer them up with toys, food or goodies etc. And be patient and give them time if they don't respond.


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## livetolovetolive (Jun 11, 2015)

Anxietea said:


> My aunt died four days ago. Her children were alone because their father was in a different country so they've been staying with us. Their father is back but they're not ready to go back and deal with being in that house again so they're staying with us for a while. It's been tears and uncomfortable silences and I don't know how to deal with it. I know I need to console them but I don't know how to talk to them. Every time I open my mouth nothing comes out. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing. Everyone's saying there is no wrong or right thing to say in times of bereavement but there has to be. I feel like I'm being terrible, sitting around them all the time but not being able to say anything. It's bad enough that I'm not good at talking to them in the first place but now that they're grieving it's worse.
> I'm not close with my cousins as I used to be.
> Advice much appreciated


I would just listen to them. They need a sympathetic ear to receive all the grief that they have in them. There's nothing else you can do but listen and be attentive. You really don't have to say anything until they do. Just be near them when you can so that if they're ready to talk about it you'll be right there.

You're a good person for doing this for your family.


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## BlurHearted (Aug 25, 2015)

Agreed with everyone above. Dont speak too much, just listen to them. Be around them often if you can. Just take care of them - see if they are taking their food, ask them the basic stuff like if they want to see someone, if you can get anything from the market from them, if they want to watch something, things like that. Just try and be around them and take care of them without giving them any words of condolences. I hope they see your efforts and are grateful.


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