# Sex didn't solve my my problems!!!!



## benyamin (May 11, 2010)

Well i finaly had sex and it was a bit of disappointing.
it happend with a girl who was just a "friend with benfits" one,
i am not physically attracted to her,and we will never be bf and gf but you know i realy wanted to do it and lose it.
so it happend it wasn't romantic or anything just realy quiek and kinda pointless, i thought it would change something but it didn't i still felt like a loser and my confident didnt raise. for a while i started to think about it why do i feel like that what's bothering me whats wrong i got laid i should be happey and then i realised what was the problem, i understood it that it wasn't the sex that i needed or looked or wanted but i wanted to know that i can be attractive to women, that i can be desirable, that i can have sex like any human, that i can be loved, that i have the skills to do it and not become just a friend and get a pretty or cute girl,
and what did i accomplished here;i meet a girl on the internet who i wasn't attracted to, that didn't care to have sex and to do other stuff even as a bf material she never saw me and nobody ever saw in me anything
so i didn't accomplished anything i didnt get any reason to feel more confident or sucsessfull i am still a loser.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

benyamin said:


> Well i finaly had sex and it was a bit of disappointing.
> it happend with a girl who was just a "friend with benfits" one,
> i am not physically attracted to her,and we will never be bf and gf but you know i realy wanted to do it and lose it.
> so it happend it wasn't romantic or anything just realy quiek and kinda pointless, i thought it would change something but it didn't i still felt like a loser and my confident didnt raise. for a while i started to think about it why do i feel like that what's bothering me whats wrong i got laid i should be happey and then i realised what was the problem,* i understood it that it wasn't the sex that i needed or looked or wanted but i wanted to know that i can be attractive to women, that i can be desirable, that i can have sex like any human, that i can be loved, that i have the skills to do it and not become just a friend and get a pretty or cute girl,*
> ...


Good insight man, It sounds like you learned something :yes

Ignore the negative thoughts, these things happen and you learn from them. The pretty much same thing happened to me when I was 19, we met in college and there was no real chemistry and we both knew it. But we had sex because that's was what we were thinking about so much.

Take it as a positive that she at least found you sex worthy, the rest of your time is what you make of it. Keep working at yourself, you know what to do.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

At least on the bright side you won't be wondering what sex is like constantly like others do I'm; hell I wonder constantly. Drives me nuts. Anyway, keep your chin up. Do well in school and/or work. You'll find someone who likes you. Just focus on accomplishing things.


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## Mazx (Jul 27, 2009)

orly?


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

Sex doesn't solve the problems a person has when they have SA. If it is a random hook-up or you think it could turn into an eventual relationship, but it doesn't, you could end up feeling more empty and depressed than you were before you had sex.

I'm currently going through something like that now. I started liking this girl and we ended up having sex one night (not my first time having sex, but the first time I did it in a long time) and I haven't seen her since then. I feel like absolute sh*t since then and constantly feel depressed. A mentally stable person would not have this problem, but I do.


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## ValiantThor (Dec 6, 2010)

This is why sex is only for creating life, or enjoying the person you love sexually. Ive never been the guy that goes to clubs to pick up random women, i frankly think that is foul and a douchebag thing to do. Sex makes sense when you do it with your love, otherwise, in your case, your left confused, unsatisfied, disapointed. Thats why im not rushing the whole sex thing, cause its not worth it to me unless im inlove.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I found knowing what sex was like just made things much more depressing, since you'll rarely ever get it as someone with SA.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

Did you not accomplish what you set out to accomplish? Surely there is something positive you can take from it. If you are upset that it didn't cure all your problems then you should only be upset with yourself for assuming that it would, and grateful that you no longer think that way. It will probably be a lot better next time when you don't have so many romantic expectations. Also, you gotta learn how to do it right, just like anything else. You won't get much from a quickie.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

ValiantThor said:


> This is why sex is only for creating life, or enjoying the person you love sexually. Ive never been the guy that goes to clubs to pick up random women, i frankly think that is foul and a douchebag thing to do. Sex makes sense when you do it with your love, otherwise, in your case, your left confused, unsatisfied, disapointed. Thats why im not rushing the whole sex thing, cause its not worth it to me unless im inlove.


That is how I feel too.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, I've experienced the same as the OP before. Eventually, I finally realized that sex is nothing more than an opportunity to spread our genes and not much more than that. The pressures we give ourselves is ridiculous. No one really cares if I got laid or not and nothing changes besides the experience (of which mostly have not be favorable). 

Just realize that most of those pressures come from a society in which we advertise sex as a normal passage of life and without it we are incomplete. That is the farthest from the truth however. Social pressures have little impact on a non-sexual person like having sex and receiving a STD, an unexpected child or being scarred by some unpleasant experience for the rest of your life. 

I hope that we all can learn the first time from it and more on. No one is waiting to give you a million dollars when your done. Stop thinking it is going to change anything about your life.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

ValiantThor said:


> This is why sex is only for creating life, or enjoying the person you love sexually. Ive never been the guy that goes to clubs to pick up random women, i frankly think that is foul and a douchebag thing to do. Sex makes sense when you do it with your love, otherwise, in your case, your left confused, unsatisfied, disapointed. Thats why im not rushing the whole sex thing, cause its not worth it to me unless im inlove.


I don't do this personally, but why exactly do think it is a douchbag thing to do? For me that would be too scary because of STD's, but I can't judge anybody if it's something they enjoy.

And why do you assume that the only reason he didn't really enjoy it was because he wasn't in love with her or trying to make a baby? I'm just curious if you can provide real scientific evidence for claiming that casual sex will always leave you "confused, unsatisfied, and disappointed", or whether it is just dogma.


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## TheGMan (Jun 10, 2004)

I like good food. I find certain things very enjoyable. Sometimes I find myself eating, almost compulsively, and not enjoying it. If I gorge on crappy food or mindlessly shove it in my mouth while watching TV, I get no enjoyment from it. Then I find myself feeling empty or sick, wondering why I did that. It was a waste of time/money.

I imagine that's how I would feel if I did just about anything "just to do it" and wasn't really into it or did it under the wrong circumstances. Some things are meant to be savored or not done at all, IMHO. Other things you do just to function/live, but many of those are optional.


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## TheGMan (Jun 10, 2004)

Freebird said:


> I don't do this personally, but why exactly do think it is a douchbag thing to do? For me that would be too scary because of STD's, but I can't judge anybody if it's something they enjoy.
> 
> And why do you assume that the only reason he didn't really enjoy it was because he wasn't in love with her or trying to make a baby? I'm just curious if you can provide real scientific evidence for claiming that casual sex will always leave you "confused, unsatisfied, and disappointed", or whether it is just dogma.


Probably just comes down to personality, preferences, values ( as in what you value as an individual, not a moral judgment over differences of opinion).


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

TheGMan said:


> Probably just comes down to personality, preferences, values ( as in what you value as an individual, not a moral judgment over differences of opinion).


Yeah, like most Christians aren't going to enjoy casual sex, but an atheist might.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Sex is overrated unless you're in love.


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## BrainError (Apr 29, 2009)

Freebird said:


> Yeah, like most Christians aren't going to enjoy casual sex, but an atheist might.


This is a joke right? :sus


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

watashi said:


> Sex is overrated unless you're in love.


Kinda true. I have often wanted to experience a one night stand - just to see what all the hype is about.

So during last summer i went to clubs and in my drunken state, was able to get a guy (dunno how it happened, i was too drunk) and brought him back to mine.......... but once he got back to mine, i panicked a bit, and started to get anxious as my conscience was obviously telling me this was not sticking to my morals. So i told the bloke that i had no condoms (lol, i'm sure he was delighted), and he ended up just sleeping on the couch.

This happened twice more, and even though i brought them back to the house, i could never go through with having sex with a stranger. And even though i have a fairly high sex drive, i couldnt bring myself to do it. It just felt wrong, and my head was putting me on a guilt trip.

So that was the end to my 'one night stands'.

Friends with benefits is different though - at least you know the person


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I've experienced the same as the OP before. Eventually, I finally realized that sex is nothing more than an opportunity to spread our genes and not much more than that. The pressures we give ourselves is ridiculous. No one really cares if I got laid or not and nothing changes besides the experience (of which mostly have not be favorable).
> 
> Just realize that most of those pressures come from a society in which we advertise sex as a normal passage of life and without it we are incomplete. That is the farthest from the truth however. Social pressures have little impact on a non-sexual person like having sex and receiving a STD, an unexpected child or being scarred by some unpleasant experience for the rest of your life.
> 
> I hope that we all can learn the first time from it and more on. No one is waiting to give you a million dollars when your done. Stop thinking it is going to change anything about your life.


This is spot on.
Society marks manhood by the number of notches on a bedpost? All we'd have is a messed up headboard! We would have to replace it.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Hello22 said:


> This happened twice more, and even though i brought them back to the house, *i could never go through with having sex with a stranger.* And even though i have a fairly high sex drive, i couldnt bring myself to do it. It just felt wrong, and my head was putting me on a guilt trip.


But you would bring them home where you presumably live alone?

You were very brave.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

BrainError said:


> This is a joke right? :sus


No? :sus


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> But you would bring them home where you presumably live alone?
> 
> You were very brave.


Ya it was kinda stupid and careless of me, but i usually have a good judgement of character. And i do live with a housemate, but he wasn't there on these occasions. So ya, probably a bit dangerous, but i was fairly drunk so my inhibitions weren't there :stu


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Hello22 said:


> So during last summer i went to clubs and in my drunken state, was able to get a guy (dunno how it happened, i was too drunk) and brought him back to mine.......... but once he got back to mine, i panicked a bit, and started to get anxious as my conscience was obviously telling me this was not sticking to my morals. So i told the bloke that i had no condoms (lol, i'm sure he was delighted), and he ended up just sleeping on the couch.
> 
> This happened twice more, and even though i brought them back to the house, i could never go through with having sex with a stranger. And even though i have a fairly high sex drive, i couldnt bring myself to do it. It just felt wrong, and my head was putting me on a guilt trip.


Poor guys. I feel really, really sorry for them.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

heroin said:


> Poor guys. I feel really, really sorry for them.


Lol, ya i kinda laugh when i look back last year - talk about building a guy up only to let him down! But in a way i'm glad i didn't go through with it. 
Damn conscience!

But most times i was so drunk, i wouldn't remember how i got home, so i probably wasnt in the best state to do anything haha.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

RUFB2327 said:


> Sex doesn't solve the problems a person has when they have SA. If it is a random hook-up or you think it could turn into an eventual relationship, but it doesn't, you could end up feeling more empty and depressed than you were before you had sex.
> 
> I'm currently going through something like that now. I started liking this girl and we ended up having sex one night (not my first time having sex, but the first time I did it in a long time) and I haven't seen her since then. I feel like absolute sh*t since then and constantly feel depressed. A mentally stable person would not have this problem, but I do.


This was how I felt and I wasn't attracted to him.


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## Gemini32 (Apr 12, 2011)

Women are not the answer


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

benyamin said:


> i am not physically attracted to her.




Now this just makes me feel really awful for the girl.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Gemini32 said:


> Women are not the answer


Oh yes they are - for guys, we have to find the right one. BUT, we have to be in a healthy state or the relationship is flawed from the beginning.


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## ValiantThor (Dec 6, 2010)

heroin said:


> Poor guys. I feel really, really sorry for them.


 ive always wanted to ask you, whos your avatar she is freaking sexy


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

benyamin said:


> but i wanted to know that i can be attractive to women, that i can be desirable, that i can have sex like any human, that i can be loved, that i have the skills to do it and not become just a friend and get a pretty or cute girl,


this is what i want also, but i dont need sex for this...a french kiss would be enough..i 21 and never have had this, nor do i think i ever will

although i dont see how you are complaining that sex did not solve your problems...a girl was willing to let you stick your penis in her vagina for free....for her pleasure sounds like it solved your problem...she found you attractive.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

ValiantThor said:


> ive always wanted to ask you, whos your avatar she is freaking sexy


Iconic Heroin chic model Jaime King.

She's possibly underage in that picture... click


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

heroin said:


> Iconic Heroin chic model Jaime King.
> 
> She's possibly underage in that picture... click


i thought it was lindsey lohan


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

rctriplefresh5 said:


> i thought it was lindsey lohan


I don't like her.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Have you tried sex with a guy? That might work.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I really don't understand people that think having sex will solve all their insecurity problems. Can someone please explain this concept to me?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Monroee said:


> Can someone please explain this concept to me?


Sex = awesome
Insecurity = sux = lack of awesome, because if awesome was around would you care about the suckiness?

Therefore,
Awesome negates lack of awesome and hence, sex negates insecurity.

QED

In theory.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

heroin said:


> In theory.


Exactly. LOL. Doesn't seem to really work for everyone. Maybe if they didn't place "everything" on the act, they wouldn't be so disappointed afterwards.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

It doesn't solve every problem. Not even close. But it sure does feel good to have a girl scream your name in ecstasy and to know that you made her feel awesome.


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## TheGMan (Jun 10, 2004)

Freebird said:


> Yeah, like most Christians aren't going to enjoy casual sex, but an atheist might.


Maybe, but I'm not a Christian, and I personally wouldn't enjoy. I don't equate values with religion.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

TheGMan said:


> Maybe, but I'm not a Christian, and I personally wouldn't enjoy. I don't equate values with religion.


I didn't mean values. Maybe it sounded bad the way I said it. What I was referring to was guilt. I realize that Atheists can feel guilt about it too, it's just not quite as common because they don't have a holy book that tells them not to.


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## HannahJuliette56 (May 8, 2011)

At least you were sober, I was drunk :/ It is the worst descion i have ever made in my life. we were in my friends house, so literally - no joke - 11 people walked in because they thought it'd be funny, which is not what you really want for your first time. It was boring for me as well, and seemed to take forever.
As long as you like remain friends surely thats okay? Because (under what my friends told me to do) i added him on facebook, expecting for us to at least be friends, even though i Knew nothing would ever come out of it, but he rejected my friend request, which has made me slighty depressed :L I know this isn't even helping you, but it's getting it off my chest


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