# My "friends" have really let me down - what to do?



## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

*Yes I know this is a duplicate but the page loads slowly on Ipad and when I clicked friendships it took me to schools and I didn't realise I posted in that section *

I found out 4 days ago that my 'friends' from University went to visit another city and didn't tell me; another 'friend' went to the theme park with people I knew without telling me and I told everyone I wanted to go somewhere or visit another theme park

Another friend of mine seems undecisive while yet another has a girlfriend so no time for me.

Worst of all last week a girl I liked and I hardly see tells me she's leaving in 'half a month' but she's from China which means facebook is blocked in PRC. I have to get her WeChat ID from my undecisive friend.

I still want to go somewhere but my friends never commit/have already been so I may just go alone. I'm just angry how I don't know when this girl is going and how my other friends went somewhere without me when we'll be breaking up for the end of University in 2-3 weeks

Another problem is how two 'friends' go to nightclubs or parties and don't tell me. I don't like nightclubs but I like parties and one of them says he doesn't go out except he does.

So three things:

1. Friends not telling me when they go travelling
2. Girl I like leaving and friend not telling me her WeChat ID (I could ask her on facebook but I don't want to reactivate facebook yet)
3. Friends going to parties without me

Should I burn the bridges? I still have 3 weeks left (that girl only 1 week)

This is postgrad at another University, my Undergrad friends were cool but we hardly keep in touch either. I've got nothing to look forward to upon completion-at Postgrad I made enemies/don't go places do to people I dislike. Even school was like that but Undergrad wasn't. If I get a job I might make enemies of have unreliable friends like here


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## Archibaldovich (Jul 1, 2013)

Change your "friends" or prepare to be alone.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Archibaldovich said:


> Change your "friends" or prepare to be alone.


But most of the year we went to lunch/dinner together regularly and lots of the time they paid;though I in return bought stuff for them too.

I feel I was screwed last minute by 3 different groups of friends (most shocking is 2 of the groups don't even hang out in class together/hang out with me or others in class so I find those that went a 'random' bunch [the fact remains I told all of them I want to go somewhere with them])


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I don't think these are deal breakers. Yes they have excluded you and that is rude. It definably changes the friendship but don't give up on them yet. It is so hard to make new friends. I would try to salvage what you had. Yes you may have to loose a little face. But in the end it's better to have a friends then to be on your own.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Just Here said:


> I don't think these are deal breakers. Yes they have excluded you and that is rude. It definably changes the friendship but don't give up on them yet. It is so hard to make new friends. I would try to salvage what you had. Yes you may have to loose a little face. But in the end it's better to have a friends then to be on your own.


These friends I have known for ~1 year and I finish in 3 weeks.

I miss my Undergrad friends but they've gone back to their home countries and the same will happen here-worse as they're Chinese where facebook is blocked (hence not being happy the girl I like is leaving and I don't have her WeChat ID)

I'm fuming though that these postgrad friends with more money (hence the money to go travelling) did things without me-3 different groups of them

I said I'm going to Manchester and they're indecisive so I'm going to go alone-sure I may look like a loner going alone but I'm not going to wait like an idiot for them


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I guess the only way to understand them would be to tell them how you feel. You have only known them for a year they may not even know that they hurt you. I doubt it, but at this point I would lay the cards out and see were they fall. They have miss treated you maybe they look at the friendship in a different way.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Just Here said:


> I guess the only way to understand them would be to tell them how you feel. You have only known them for a year they may not even know that they hurt you. I doubt it, but at this point I would lay the cards out and see were they fall. They have miss treated you maybe they look at the friendship in a different way.


I went on facebook to get a girl I like's WeChat ID as she's going back to China and facebook is blocked there.
I also posted this status update (visible to 612 people)

"2.5 weeks left at University and class 'friends' have been having fun and/or travelling without me  Seriously guys?"

It's not the fact it's only 1 group of people, it's 3-4 groups that have done this.

And a guy who is supposed to go to Manchester with me looks like he won't as he wants to stay there late and come back at stupid o'clock on the trains. So it looks like i'm going alone.

I hope those so-called friends saw that status update because the best case scenario would be they actually invite me. Worst case scenario is they unfriend me- i'm sick of looking out for other people


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

Good for you at least you have taken a stand to not let people miss treat you. I feel your pain my best friend for over 30 years betrayed me and won't speak to me. It has had a serious affect on my life. Your not a lone here.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Just Here said:


> Good for you at least you have taken a stand to not let people miss treat you. I feel your pain my best friend for over 30 years betrayed me and won't speak to me. It has had a serious affect on my life. Your not a lone here.


Out of 3-4 close friends at University, 2 are in a relationship and 1 stopped replying. He asked to look at some of my work so I sent it and to the message I asked what this girl's WeChat ID was-no reply. A few days later I asked again but no reply-I even joked and asked if he was still alive. It's been almost 2 weeks since I heard from him.

Those in a relationship went places/spend time with their partners only. Haven't heard from them in almost 2 werks to.

The issue is that several GROUPS have been doing things without me.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Rola said:


> I would simply ask them why they didn't invite you rather making a facebook status on it - it is like you're trying to stir up some drama for everyone to see. There are times me and my friends don't invite each other, however usually there's a valid reason due to distance/money/work etc. I don't take it personally. But if this happens even though you guys have no other commitments and not only 1 group but 3-4 then there is probably a problem with you that they have? Otherwise ditch them and find some better friends.


No reply to that update

My friend didn't give me that girl's WeChat so I sent her a friend request on facebook and also a message asking her/sending mine to her. This was on Sunday. Today no reply but it says she 'saw' the message on Monday-but friend request still pending (though it doesn't say much to be honest as I've sent requests still pending for years)


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I think maybe these were your friends. Maybe they didn't look at your friendship in the same way. They are moving on without you. Not true friends just someone you know. Sorry they are miss treating you. Maybe it time to move on without them.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Just Here said:


> I think maybe these were your friends. Maybe they didn't look at your friendship in the same way. They are moving on without you. Not true friends just someone you know. Sorry they are miss treating you. Maybe it time to move on without them.


I don't understand why they moved on before I even left the University

One bought cake for my birthday and we regularly went to dinner and lunch together - how can something like this be forgotten?

It's sad as I hardly keep facebook activated as my undergrad friends are in their home countries or working too far away. I have no incentive to keep this activated if these move on

And I'm vey unhappy the girl 'saw' the message but didn't reply. All I said was:

'Hi ... it's .... From University. I am on facebook! What is your WeChat ID? Mine is .... But if that doesn't work it's .... '

It's hard as I spent a year away from my other undergrad friends who are going/went back this year so it's like I've lost 2 lots of friends

On a 'brighter' note I do things outside of university but I don't know the people too well. Maybe 2 or 3 I speak to when I go there


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

They don't sound like friends at all. Maybe there was something you said or did that you're not aware off? Because it seems weird that they're all ignoring you at the same time.

The girl might not like you, sorry. You know she read it, and she knows how to contact you. If she's interested, you'll hear from her. Don't ask the other guys for her Wechat ID. If she wants you to have it, she'll give it to you.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> They don't sound like friends at all. Maybe there was something you said or did that you're not aware off? Because it seems weird that they're all ignoring you at the same time.
> 
> The girl might not like you, sorry. You know she read it, and she knows how to contact you. If she's interested, you'll hear from her. Don't ask the other guys for her Wechat ID. If she wants you to have it, she'll give it to you.


I still have no clue what's going on

I have no clue about the girl-all I did was ask for her WeChat as I said I hardly use facebook. We've got quite a few mutual friends and she's 'friends' with other idiots on facebook who I think are quite creepy the way the act with girls so I don't see what's wrong with me-if she disliked me she would've made an excuse not to go to lunch/dinner if she knew I was coming (or she would've said nothing at all) yet we had conversations and joked and nothing seemed wrong
It probably looks bad if I ask again so I won't.nThe only reason I re activated was to ask for her WeChat directly-at the same time I broadcasted my disappointment at these other friends

The fact is the person I asked for her WeChat is also a friend-the friend who buys coffe/lunch and doesn't accept me chipping in or says 'next time' I can pay. Heck,he bought me a birthday cake. Yet for the past 2 weeks he hasn't replied (I only asked once for the girl's ID-once on email and once on WeChat but even for other things he's not replied)

And these fake 'friends' wished me on by birthday and two today have 'liked' my photos from when I travelled solo


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

Hmm okay, I thought the girl didn't really know you. Yeah then I can't explain that. But you do know for sure that she read your message. You can only wait now, more messages might make you appear needy.

As for your other friends, maybe they're just extremely flaky. Or like I said before, maybe something happened. I also don't get why your friend would just stop replying all of a sudden. Maybe wait a week, and then send him something else, keep it light.
If he still doesn't reply, I would just leave it. You don't need "friends" who treat you like that.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> Hmm okay, I thought the girl didn't really know you. Yeah then I can't explain that. But you do know for sure that she read your message. You can only wait now, more messages might make you appear needy.
> 
> As for your other friends, maybe they're just extremely flaky. Or like I said before, maybe something happened. I also don't get why your friend would just stop replying all of a sudden. Maybe wait a week, and then send him something else, keep it light.
> If he still doesn't reply, I would just leave it. You don't need "friends" who treat you like that.


The only reason I reactivated was for her WeChat ID as my friend hadn't replied so I asked myself.FB says she 'read' it - I wanted her on WeChat as FB is blocked in China and 2 weeks ago she said she was going in 'half a month'

So it's awkward as she didn't reply with it-yet she's facebook friends with boys who invade other girls' personal space and are touchy-feely with them so it can't be me

These other 'friends', including the one who's good with me, have the nerve to wish my happy birthday or 'like' facebook pictures yet they've not apologised or invited me out

Also this best 'friend' has hundreds of close female friends and I'm sure he's unofficially dating one yet we all still used to go out so these ones in a relationship shouldn't use that as an excuse not to go out. Though as I said, my 'best' friend with the female friends and this girl's WeChat ID has also stopped responding.

I'm most upset as all I ever wanted to do was go to martial arts competitions and parties-I enjoyed my Undergrad years that I did at another University. Over here I didn't go out or even train much as I didn't get along with some of the people. I should've stayed at my old University but now my friends from there have moved away so I've missed them


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

It sucks that she didn't reply, but there's nothing you can do about it. 
I don't know how long ago it was, but you could send her another message about a totally different subject. Maybe about something you guys talked about. If she replies to that, then hopefully she'll give you her WeChatt ID. If she doesn't reply again, you'll have your answer.

You don't like those other guys she's friends with, but apparently she doesn't seem to mind them for whatever reason.

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I have no explanation for your "friends" behaviour, other than maybe they consider you as an acquaintance/low level friend.
It's hard but there's no point thinking about the past. I'm sure you'll meet some new friends


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> It sucks that she didn't reply, but there's nothing you can do about it.
> I don't know how long ago it was, but you could send her another message about a totally different subject. Maybe about something you guys talked about. If she replies to that, then hopefully she'll give you her WeChatt ID. If she doesn't reply again, you'll have your answer.
> 
> You don't like those other guys she's friends with, but apparently she doesn't seem to mind them for whatever reason.
> ...


I think it may be unwise for me to send another message as I only sent it last Sunday.
At the same time she's going back to China so I guess the best case scenario is ask my friend or message when she returns-normally facebook emails are relayed to recipients' email

Maybe I'll tell this 'best friend' of mine what happened/ask for her ID but only when he reinitiates contact.

Otherwise, not sure if I made it harder but on facebook I put these status updates

Sunday
'Has 2.5 weeks to go but my 'friends' have been having fun/been travelling without me  Seriously guys?'

Yesterday

'2 weeks to go and been going to dance class for 6 weeks but still unhappy-'friends' doing things without me/not replying  '

Today

'Because I haven't been doing enough socially (even though I tried numerous times from my end) with the Orientals and Africans (originally my 2 favourite cultures) , I guess my new focus should be on my other favourite culture: Hispanic!! Already been dancing Latin for 6 weeks'


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

ronki23 said:


> I think it may be unwise for me to send another message as I only sent it last Sunday.
> At the same time she's going back to China so I guess the best case scenario is ask my friend or message when she returns-normally facebook emails are relayed to recipients' email
> 
> Maybe I'll tell this 'best friend' of mine what happened/ask for her ID but only when he reinitiates contact.
> ...


I've just found out a 'friend' from undergraduate who I haven't seen for almost 2 years has deleted me. The thing is he was quite cool and he wished me 'happy birthday' or had conversations with me until last year - we both got busy after that. But he's still got other past friends on his list-even people I introduced him to! Maybe he cleared my name as it was deactivated

I went online to get a girl's WeChat and now I find a close friend from the past deleted me. Still don't understand why the girl didn't send me her WeChat yet has some idiots (who are pretty much perverted) on her facebook.
It's just stupid-she's not even that pretty anyway but pretty 'enough', Plus she's a nice person

The fact remains that it feels bad these people from the past and present don't want to know me - I would liked to have shown them my successes


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

It does sound weird that they're all ignoring you. Are you sure nothing happened?
Yeah I think your old friend deleted you because your profile was deactivated. Just send him a request with a short message that you're back.

Try not to think about the girl and your "friends." Concentrate on yourself for now. They all know how to reach you. If they truly are your friends you'll hear from them.
If the girl still hasn't responded and also hasn't accepted your friend request, I would just forget about her. Maybe she was just being nice to you but doesn't want any further contact. Besides, she'll soon be gone anyway so focus on other girls.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> It does sound weird that they're all ignoring you. Are you sure nothing happened?
> Yeah I think your old friend deleted you because your profile was deactivated. Just send him a request with a short message that you're back.
> 
> Try not to think about the girl and your "friends." Concentrate on yourself for now. They all know how to reach you. If they truly are your friends you'll hear from them.
> If the girl still hasn't responded and also hasn't accepted your friend request, I would just forget about her. Maybe she was just being nice to you but doesn't want any further contact. Besides, she'll soon be gone anyway so focus on other girls.


But I don't understand why she dislikes me? We had nice conversations in real life. I wasn't talking rubbish like the others do-some of the boys literally flirt by facebook or WeChat and some go as far as doing creepy things like touching the girls' hair. 
But I sent her my WeChat ID already in that message-just don't understand why she has those perverted people on her friends list but not me??

Just annoyed that all year it went well but people were too busy to do a trip or go out regularly (I go to dinner or parties but not nightclubs as nearly everyone goes to the same 2 nightclubs). While we were busy we were great and then they all just do things without me
Also find it quite patronising they 'like' my facebook photos of me travelling alone.

Mainly annoyed that they didn't do much with me-I should've stayed at my old University where I did undergrad. At least I knew the area and the people more-now they too are leaving


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

I don't really understand some girls also, so I might not be the best person to give you advice on this.

A couple of years ago there was a girl who would sit next to me every class, and we would sometimes have drinks with the rest of the group after. A couple of times it was even just the two of us. She was an exchange student so I asked her in a message when she would leave, since we didn't have any classes anymore and I would like to say goodbye.
She ignored it, I sent another message, nothing again.
Then after a couple of weeks she finally wrote me. She basically said she didn't mind sitting next to me and hanging out along with the others, but she didn't think we were (close) friends. I didn't understand that at all.

I guess sometimes people just hang out with you because you're around.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

I saw 2 of these so-called friends today and yesterday in the library and walked past them;they didn't see me but I'm not going to say hello unless they call me.

I have 9 days left at University and it's been underwhelming.It's been 17 days since I heard from them.
Should I email the 'closest' 3 or ignore completely? This friendship can't have even built on a lie all this time. The closest 3 didn't go travelling without me BUT 2 out of those 3 were those who never replied


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

You could try one final time since you're leaving soon anyway.
Don't bring up your other messages that they were ignoring. Just ask if they want to hang out or something before you leave.
If you're not getting a reply again, forget about them and move on.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> You could try one final time since you're leaving soon anyway.
> Don't bring up your other messages that they were ignoring. Just ask if they want to hang out or something before you leave.
> If you're not getting a reply again, forget about them and move on.


I see one of these idiots in the library and I only say hello but only if they see me. Sent message 3.36 yesterday and only 1 replied saying she's busy- the same idiot who I see in the library.


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

Just ignore them from now on. You tried, they don't sound like good friends anyway.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Erik20 said:


> Just ignore them from now on. You tried, they don't sound like good friends anyway.


  

I saw another one today-as usual with his girlfriend so neglecting his male friends (I am his only male non Asian friend)

I just don't understand how all this time, they footed the bill on coffee/lunch/dinner more than I did (I did sometimes too but they did more/insisted)-I would never pay if I didn't like someone so assumed they liked me

It's ironic as my other Chinese friend from the past de friended me when I went to get this girl's WeChat (which I didn't get)

Sorry if I'm going on a bit but I've said nothing but good things about Asians and now this happens. What makes me sadder is past friends are now slipping away too due to them also being international. It's hard to unlike someone overnight

I hate Postgrad AND my hometown and don't know what to do-where I did Undergrad my old friends have moved away.


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

I also have a friend who wanted to hang out all the time, but only when he was single.
Whenever he had a girlfriend, he would completely disappear. I barely speak to him now, just some comments on Facebook every now and then, so I can relate.
Some people just are like that.

Maybe one of them said something bad about you behind your back, and that's why they all started to ignore you. It's the only explanation I can come up with.

Join some clubs/groups when classes start again, try to make new friends.
Just do some stuff you like for now, keep yourself busy.
There's no point thinking about people who obviously don't want to hang out with you.


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## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

Hey man, I remember when we would exclude this one guy who we were friends with from different things. But there was reasons for it. The guy was super negative, no one wanted to be around him, he was a buzzkill at parties. 

First thing you will learn, no one wants to be around negative people. Maybe you do something else that they dislike like ramble on about something? You gotta figure it out or even ask them. 

People don't exclude people for no good reason. There's always a reason.


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## ronki23 (Apr 14, 2013)

Eric20 said:


> Just ignore them from now on. You tried, they don't sound like good friends anyway.


The one I see normally (only this past week) says she's staying until January. I told her we should all do something when we finished-I find they're going to Europe (again,I wasn't offered anything  )

This year has been nothing but bad luck-I stopped doing martial arts in October as I didn't like 2 of the students and couldn't find anywhere else to train except one from Nov-Mar (stopped as they were interested) and then I found one in JULY-3 months after. 
I stopped going to gym and to nightclubs simply because everyone went to the same place and I didn't want people finding out where I trained ( those I dislike went to gym). Those that actually went out went to the same nightclubs
My so called friends went traveling without me and dropped contact since last month.

My hometown also sucks so I am going from crap to crap. The only place I enjoyed was where I did my undergrad and most of them have moved away/are losing contact too.

The only positive from this was the dance class and Gurkdwara-both of which were not a priority in my life so I've basically gone without doing what I enjoy doing:competition and parties or traveling with friends


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

Seems to me that you're more like an acquaintance to them.
I don't think they hate you or anything, but they probably are a group of close friends that do stuff together, which you're unfortunately not part off. Maybe you were just the guy that would tag along since you were around anyway, but they didn't mind hanging out with you back then.

Forget about them and try to meet new people.


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