# How long until you get physical?



## earlgreytea (Jul 11, 2012)

x


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

It depends on how comfortable I was with her. It would probably take a while for me to get comfortable with anyone regardless.


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## amari (Jul 31, 2012)

Just to know a guy could fake liking a girl to just get in her pants. If I were you I would keep your legs shut. If a guy really likes you he will wait till forever to have sex with you. If a guy doesn't mind to wait for you then he might be the one. But a girl who has sex with a guy just in the first month then hewill stay with you for a while and eventually leave you. Guys don't want a Easy girl for a girlfriend.


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## ty44 (Jul 29, 2012)

Making out from early on. Have never been past 'early on' though... :L


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

Depends what you are looking for. Fling, instantaneaous to all the above. Relationship, I'd prob go 100 times slower. Kissing after 2nd or 3rd date if all was well. Oral maybe within a couple weeks, and full blown sex a month in.


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

amari said:


> But a girl who has sex with a guy just in the first month then hewill stay with you for a while and eventually leave you. Guys don't want a Easy girl for a girlfriend.


Oh come on! :roll

Kiss: first or second "date"
Make out: within the first week or so
Hold hands: when you're to the point of making out at least (since I'd say that's when you're a proper couple)
Sex and other: at least a few days/a week. I'd be willing to wait a month or so, and then she'd have to say why they don't want to yet or I'd feel like they're just not sexually attracted to me.


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## anti-socialsocialite (May 1, 2011)

Whenever it feels like the right time to do it. Must we put a timeline to it?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I don't have any rules for dates anymore. If the chemistry is there and it's in the cards I don't have any boundaries because I think it's fine if it feels right. I try to view sex and sexual attraction from a biological standpoint and not an ethical one. Sex is sex and I think there is a lot of stigma attached to it. For me, a kiss is typical on the first date. I think it'd be kind of strange not to kiss because I'm not on a date for platonic friendship, but that's me.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

BasedGod said:


> Whenever it feels like the right time to do it. Must we put a timeline to it?


exactly. it can differ a lot from couple to couple!


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

amari said:


> But a girl who has sex with a guy just in the first month then hewill stay with you for a while and eventually leave you. Guys don't want a Easy girl for a girlfriend.


Yeah, it's perfectly acceptable for the guy to have sex with her, he's not branded with the label "easy" if he has sex early. Hypocrisy at its finest.:roll


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

meeps said:


> Yeah, it's perfectly acceptable for the guy to have sex with her, he's not branded with the label "easy" if he has sex early. Hypocrisy at its finest.:roll


That label is unfair. The very act of not doing what you want because of that label is just feeding into it though. Do what you want.


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## anti-socialsocialite (May 1, 2011)

meeps said:


> Yeah, it's perfectly acceptable for the guy to have sex with her, he's not branded with the label "easy" if he has sex early. Hypocrisy at its finest.:roll


I agree completely. Sex is natural, so neither genders should be shamed over it.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

1st date: hugging and kissing. Maybe more if it's going good (not oral though)
There on out it really depends on the person and situation and how much I think I can trust him. I'm okay with having sex within the first month.


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## LuxAeterna (Aug 13, 2010)

earlgreytea said:


> Hold hands? Hug? Kiss? Make out? Oral? Sex? (P.S. I hope this isn't too 18+).
> 
> Let's say you've just met a man/woman and tonight is your first date...
> 1.) How long do you/would you wait to start doing the above mentioned things (or anything else you can think of)?


There is no arbitrary amount time. At least not to me. It depends on a multitude of factors. There were dates where all we did was hug or a simple peck. Others, there was more. If there's chemistry it has the potential to lead to more.

With my beau, he jumped me almost as soon as I got in his car. Like BAM! Lots of making out for a good 30 minutes before we headed to dinner. Didn't go beyond some serious making out and groping.



> 2.) How long would you be willing to wait for your partner until you walk away?


However long, I guess. Within reason. I'm a sexual person and if there's crazy chemistry it would be exceedingly difficult to keep it at bay.



> 3.) Do you expect to get physical (beyond making out) within the first month (let's say...two dates per week) of seeing each other?


Speaking of when I was in the dating scene, yes. At this stage of my life, late 20's, I was looking for something specific. Something mentally, emotionally, spiritually (in the non-religious/Western sense) and sexually fulfilling. With the right person it makes sense that things would progress to the point of physical intimacy within the first month.



> 4.) Would you have to have sex with your partner before considering marrying him or her?


Absolutely. Wouldn't do it any other way. Being as I have certain kinks or likes it's important to know if a possible suitor is a good fit. Sexual compatibility is important.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

earlgreytea said:


> 4.) Would you have to have sex with your partner before considering marrying him or her?


would you buy a car without test driving it??


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

blue the puppy said:


> would you buy a car without test driving it??


I really dislike that analogy. If sex is the most important thing in your marriage, you probably shouldn't be married.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

its not the most important thing, but how many marriages have been ruined due to a bad sex life ?


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## anti-socialsocialite (May 1, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> I really dislike that analogy. If sex is the most important thing in your marriage, you probably shouldn't be married.


Well you certainly don't want to be attached to somebody that can't fulfill you sexually. There's a multitude of factors involved, and I'd say sex is right up there.


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

The only thing I would not do on the first date is give a girl oral sex. To me, that is more personal than actual sex and I would have to go out on a decent amount of dates before I did that. Everything else, however, I would do on the first date if the chemistry is right. If a girl wanted to wait, I would not be opposed to that at all, especially if I feel something when I'm with her. 

Personally, I would like to at least kiss on the first date if everything went well. I remember growing up, I always thought if people kissed on the first date it was a huge deal, but now that I'm a little older, I don't think it is a big deal at all. I like kissing so if that was the only thing that happened for a few dates, I would be happy with that until the girl was comfortable going further.


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

identitycrisis said:


> I really dislike that analogy. If sex is the most important thing in your marriage, you probably shouldn't be married.


We're hard wired to want sex though, and if you haven't slept with someone yet, the prospect of getting some *will* affect your thinking about the decision to get married. And "then I can have sex!" should not be part of deciding whether or not to spend the rest of your life with someone, IMO.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Kiss 1st date, always. No reason as a guy not to go for it, unless you KNOW the date went terribly and you just want to get out of there, or you really don't like the girl. Otherwise, go for it, so you know where you stand. And that's after some physical contact during the date. For example, my most recent first date: touching her shoulder, her leg, pinching her cheek (yes, that's right)...and then holding her hand as we walked back to her car and subsequently made out. To me there's no reason not to be as physical as possible right away (not talking about 3rd base and beyond), because it can only increase your chances later down the road. Unless you just start groping the girl and creep her out, of course.

As far as 3rd base+ goes, it varies from person to person. But my ideal woman would give it up after about 3-5 dates.


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## garycoleman (Feb 9, 2012)

2 months until first kiss
3 months until making out
5 months until sex

yes i'm slow


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Haha reading some of the responses here, it sounds like I'll never get a girlfriend that lasts beyond a week.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

It's perfectly ok to break up with someone if your sexually incompatible.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

amari said:


> Just to know a guy could fake liking a girl to just get in her pants. If I were you I would keep your legs shut. If a guy really likes you he will wait till forever to have sex with you. If a guy doesn't mind to wait for you then he might be the one. But a girl who has sex with a guy just in the first month then hewill stay with you for a while and eventually leave you. Guys don't want a Easy girl for a girlfriend.


This is a myth. Guys either like girls or they don't. Playing hard to get doesn't change anything. It's just confusing.


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## Mirror (Mar 16, 2012)

I honestly don't know. It would depend on the person, there's no specific time I would wait.

Surprisingly I've been the one to initiate the first kiss with all the guys I've kissed, except my current boyfriend. If I'm sort of into a guy or think he will fall for me, I'll impulsively want to kiss him. That had nothing to do with the topic. Sorry.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Don't know. Depends on how drunk you both are I guess. The more the sooner.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

It depends on the person but I'd still approach it with a plan, based on past experience.



earlgreytea said:


> Let's say you've just met a man/woman and tonight is your first date...
> 1.) How long do you/would you wait to start doing the above mentioned things (or anything else you can think of)?


If I'm getting to know them from scratch, at least one date before holding hands. Same with kissing on the cheek.

As for making out, I used to do that early on but in future would draw it out until a friendship had been established. If they weren't looking for anything serious, I'd do it anyway before we decided to part.

Sexual contact would occur at least 3 months in. I'd try to wait as long as possible. Depends on the chemistry. There's nothing I hate more than shallow sex. I'd rather be a monk.



earlgreytea said:


> 2.) How long would you be willing to wait for your partner until you walk away?


If I considered them the once in a lifetime person, I know from experience I'd be willing to be with them without sex indefinitely - a lifetime. Everyone else, maybe a couple of years, depending how well we got on.



earlgreytea said:


> 3.) Do you expect to get physical (beyond making out) within the first month (let's say...two dates per week) of seeing each other?


That's what most want. I carry no expectations.



earlgreytea said:


> 4.) Would you have to have sex with your partner before considering marrying him or her?


Not if I considered them the once in a lifetime person. Everyone else - depends. It's highly unlikely I'd want to marry anyway.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

I don't put a specific time limit on anything and just go with whatever feels right.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

earlgreytea said:


> 1.) How long do you/would you wait to start doing the above mentioned things (or anything else you can think of)?


Date #1



earlgreytea said:


> 2.) How long would you be willing to wait for your partner until you walk away?


3 dates



earlgreytea said:


> 3.) Do you expect to get physical (beyond making out) within the first month (let's say...two dates per week) of seeing each other?


Yes



earlgreytea said:


> 4.) Would you have to have sex with your partner before considering marrying him or her?


Duh. People who say no to this have no idea how bad some people are at sex or are afraid of/dislike sex themselves.

Anyone who asks me to wait ages is a massive red flag.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

meeps said:


> Yeah, it's perfectly acceptable for the guy to have sex with her, he's not branded with the label "easy" if he has sex early. Hypocrisy at its finest.:roll


I've never heard of a girl labeled "easy." My friends and I don't talk in those types of terms.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

arnie said:


> This is a myth. Guys either like girls or they don't. Playing hard to get doesn't change anything. It's just confusing.


I agree Arnie.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

1st date hugs/maybe a kiss
Proper kisses a week or 2 after being together
Sex after a month 

All depends though.

At my age I think of sex as natural and of course I want it with a girl, I sorta rushed into sex with my x, wondered why she kept stopping us doing anything after a month as it was normal.

We eventually did it and then I found out she was a virgin.

So it does all depend


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

For some reason I find holding hands more intimate than the other things in the list. Probably because I think it's something that comes naturally when you're comfortable with the other person. For example, you've been dating for a while and your hand just naturally grabs his/hers. Planning it, or doing it on the first date would make it awkward, at least for me. There's a connection or mutual acknowledgement that you're officially in a relationship I associate with holding hands...

However, kissing is something that I'd probably want to do from the first time I go out with him (if I really like him). I rpobably wouldn't, though, because I wouldn't want to give him the wrong idea.

Sex, it's hard to say because I've never had it, so it ultimately depends on when I feel comfortable with him. Same with oral. Dry humping, though, I don't know... soon if I'm turned on by him.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

Jollygoggles said:


> Duh. People who say no to this *have no idea how bad some people are at sex* or are afraid/dislike sex themselves.


aint that the truth!


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Jollygoggles said:


> Duh. People who say no to this have no idea how bad some people are at sex or are afraid of/dislike sex themselves.
> 
> Anyone who asks me to wait ages is a massive red flag.


It's scary because sex is important to me (emotionally and physically), so anyone who gives off signs that they don't enjoy it gives me second thoughts.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Jollygoggles said:


> Duh. People who say no to this have no idea how bad some people are at sex or are afraid of/dislike sex themselves.


In my case:

Nope
Nope
Nope


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

I realize I have very different ideas about premarital sex than most people, and that's ok. My only issue was that a person is not a car. You test drive a car because you don't do anything with a car _but_ drive it. You (usually) do a lot of other things with your spouse besides screw them.


blue the puppy said:


> its not the most important thing, but how many marriages have been ruined due to a bad sex life ?


Probably not that many. I'd wager anything that in any failed marriage there's bigger problems than "they're bad in bed."


BasedGod said:


> Well you certainly don't want to be attached to somebody that can't fulfill you sexually. There's a multitude of factors involved, and I'd say sex is right up there.


It's kind of hard to explain my thought process on this. Sex is very important _in _a marriage. But I don't believe it has much to do with _having a successful marriage_. In a successful marriage, you might say "You're not good in bed, let's fix that." A failure marriage would go "You're not good in bed, let's not do it anymore" or "You're not good in bed, I want a divorce." The difference between success and failure here is working constructively with your partner instead of making selfish decisions. In short, sex is important in marriage, but it doesn't have much to do with the quality of sex at any one moment in time. That's why I don't believe it's important to "test drive"; if you're committed to making it work with your partner instead of selfishly expecting them to gratify you every time, then you'll find a way to make it work. If you can't make that commitment, well...


TristanS said:


> We're hard wired to want sex though, and if you haven't slept with someone yet, the prospect of getting some *will* affect your thinking about the decision to get married. And "then I can have sex!" should not be part of deciding whether or not to spend the rest of your life with someone, IMO.


You've got to be able to disconnect your brain from your groin to make important life decisions. I agree that if you're not having it, sex will be on your mind a lot. But one has to see sex as something enjoyable to engage in after marriage instead of the _reason_ for marriage. This is why there ends up being so many divorces. Once the initial passion wears off, what do you have left?


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## earlgreytea (Jul 11, 2012)

x


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Whenever the girl is ready.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

earlgreytea said:


> I'm not against having sex before marriage, *but practice makes perfect, right*?


Not always. :lol


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

Not sure, never been there.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

identitycrisis said:


> Probably not that many. I'd wager anything that in any failed marriage there's bigger problems than "they're bad in bed."
> 
> It's kind of hard to explain my thought process on this. Sex is very important _in _a marriage. But I don't believe it has much to do with _having a successful marriage_. In a successful marriage, you might say* "You're not good in bed, let's fix that."* A failure marriage would go "You're not good in bed, let's not do it anymore" or "You're not good in bed, I want a divorce." The difference between success and failure here is working constructively with your partner instead of making selfish decisions. In short, sex is important in marriage, but it doesn't have much to do with the quality of sex at any one moment in time. That's why I don't believe it's important to "test drive"; if you're committed to making it work with your partner instead of selfishly expecting them to gratify you every time, then you'll find a way to make it work. If you can't make that commitment, well...
> 
> You've got to be able to disconnect your brain from your groin to make important life decisions. I agree that if you're not having it, sex will be on your mind a lot. But one has to see sex as something enjoyable to engage in after marriage instead of the _reason_ for marriage. This is why there ends up being so many divorces. Once the initial passion wears off, what do you have left?


Many, many people will refuse to change. People are stubborn and/or really sensitive to any critiques on their love making.


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## CoastalSprite (Sep 8, 2011)

If I've known the guy for a while before becoming a couple, I wouldn't mind oral if I could tell he wanted it (ideally he wouldn't be the type to ask). But I have to actually care about him so if it's just some guy I met, there's no set amount of dates that'll make me want to do anything sexual with him.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

CoastalSprite said:


> If I've known the guy for a while before becoming a couple, I wouldn't mind oral if I could tell he wanted it (ideally he wouldn't be the type to ask). But I have to actually care about him so if it's just some guy I met, there's no set amount of dates that'll make me want to do anything sexual with him.


Interesting... I thought the question about oral was more of a "when would you trust him/her to do oral to you" rather than what you wrote. In that case, I'd wait until I know him well enough to know he'll reciprocate the favor.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I would never do any of those things. They're all disgusting and gross and a good way to spread germs.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I've heard of many cases (especially among teenagers) where the woman gives the guy oral and he doesn't reciprocate. The reverse seems to be much more unusual. Sounds kind of boring to me but whatever.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Five minutes.

Throw down. "Hey baby, you and me can party!" Clothes off. Bingo Bango Bungo Gottago.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

komorikun said:


> I've heard of many cases (especially among teenagers) where the woman gives the guy oral and he doesn't reciprocate. The reverse seems to be much more unusual. Sounds kind of boring to me but whatever.


Uh, people urinate with those body parts!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Peter Attis said:


> I would never do any of those things. They're all disgusting and gross and a good way to spread germs.


....and tropical diseases, normally found on toilet seats/


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Peter Attis said:


> I would never do any of those things. They're all disgusting and gross and a good way to spread germs.


Yes, it's dirty... that's what's hot. :teeth



komorikun said:


> I've heard of many cases (especially among teenagers) where the woman gives the guy oral and he doesn't reciprocate. The reverse seems to be much more unusual. Sounds kind of boring to me but whatever.


You find oral boring? That's funny because I thought most women preferred it to actual penetration. 
I guess I'll have to feel for myself....eventually.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> You find oral boring? That's funny because I thought most women preferred it to actual penetration.
> I guess I'll have to feel for myself....eventually.


It's not boring. I like it as foreplay but JUST oral sounds boring. I prefer penetration. I never daydream about oral sex and always fast forward through the oral sex part while watching porn.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> You find oral boring? That's funny because I thought most women preferred it to actual penetration.


i prefer penetration, but maybe i just feel that way because my ex was really bad at oral. really really bad.


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Yes, it's dirty... that's what's hot. :teeth
> 
> You find oral boring? That's funny because I thought most women preferred it to actual penetration.
> I guess I'll have to feel for myself....eventually.


I thought that too. Mostly because few most women can climax from penetration alone.

This is an interesting thread but I'm surprised it hasn't been locked yet.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Many, many people will refuse to change. People are stubborn and/or really sensitive to any critiques on their love making.


A fair point. I, personally, wouldn't want to marry someone who stubbornly resistant to any change or constructive criticism. That's another recipe for a failed marriage :lol


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

earlgreytea said:


> but practice makes perfect, right?


Indeed. But that counts for nothing if you're both incompatible at a base level.


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## CoastalSprite (Sep 8, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> Interesting... I thought the question about oral was more of a "when would you trust him/her to do oral to you" rather than what you wrote. In that case, I'd wait until I know him well enough to know he'll reciprocate the favor.


Yeah that too, but only the fact that he's willing/wanting to reciprocate. I wouldn't actually let him do it. :/


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> Uh, people urinate with those body parts!


And they also put them in their mouths. :twisted



millenniumman75 said:


> ....and tropical diseases, normally found on toilet seats/


..lol


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Meeps cracks me up. :haha


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## ineedtopunchsomeone (Jul 15, 2012)

gfh


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Threads like these continue to turn me on


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

I love it when you chicks say you like oral sex.....


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

I would have to be super comfortable with a girl before going beyond making out.

sex can also be kinda scary to think about sometimes... nothing to hide behind :um


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## Propaganda (Oct 26, 2010)

Latest one... third date. Been dating her ever since. (just two months)

Some girls, the ones I really like greatly, there is more of a wait. 

All and all, most girls I've been with only took a few times meeting.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

meeps said:


> And they also put them in their mouths. :twisted
> 
> ..lol


LOL! Gross...


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

1.) How long do you/would you wait to start doing the above mentioned things (or anything else you can think of)? 
*I don' t believe in putting a time frame to such things... so whenever it feels right*

2.) How long would you be willing to wait for your partner until you walk away? 
*As long as it takes. If I was willing to have sex with them then I wouldn't mind about waiting. Although after a few months I may get more pushy.*

3.) Do you expect to get physical (beyond making out) within the first month (let's say...two dates per week) of seeing each other?
*I would probably expect it yes*

4.) Would you have to have sex with your partner before considering marrying him or her?
*Yes. Not because I care about sex, but if they believe sex should only be performed within something as trivial as marriage, they clearly are not the person for me anyway.*


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## Nessy (Mar 3, 2011)

I was dating a girl for a bit over a month (we met every other day pretty much) and didnt seem close to sex so to me it was more a friendship then a relationship so I ended it. She brought up the "oh if sex is so important then you should just go sleep with someone thats not me" card that I see others here using.

There is no "wrong" way to look at sex but to me we were incompatible because I think its crazy not to have sex when two persons like each other and are comfortable with each other. But then again to me sex isnt really that big a deal. Its better with someone you like and have built a relationship with but I could easily have sex with a woman I've been on 1 date with if I was attracted to her.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

People still wait? lol. If we're both really attracted to each other its happening pretty quickly.



komorikun said:


> It's not boring. I like it as foreplay but JUST oral sounds boring. I prefer penetration. I never daydream about oral sex and always fast forward through the oral sex part while watching porn.


amen! spoken like a dude.



AllToAll said:


> For some reason I find holding hands more intimate than the other things in the list. Probably because I think it's something that comes naturally when you're comfortable with the other person. For example, you've been dating for a while and your hand just naturally grabs his/hers. Planning it, or doing it on the first date would make it awkward, at least for me. There's a connection or mutual acknowledgement that you're officially in a relationship I associate with holding hands...
> 
> However, kissing is something that I'd probably want to do from the first time I go out with him (if I really like him). I rpobably wouldn't, though, because I wouldn't want to give him the wrong idea.
> 
> Sex, it's hard to say because I've never had it, so it ultimately depends on when I feel comfortable with him. Same with oral. Dry humping, though, I don't know... soon if I'm turned on by him.


Holding hands has nothing on some passionate sex, just sayin.


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## godhelpme2 (Apr 4, 2012)

i got caught in the moment once and had sex with a guy the first date.. it seems bad, i know. but before we went on a date we talked for a month and he really helped me through some of my darkest times..


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## asdf (Jan 19, 2008)

infinity months


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## Elixir (Jun 19, 2012)

Elad said:


> People still wait? lol.


There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. It's not like it's harming anybody. Some people (myself included) prefer to wait and they have their reasons.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I have no rules on time. Just depends how it goes.

I made my second boyfriend wait a few weeks before even a kiss, haha. I had been madly inlove with my first boyfriend for years so it was important to me to not give myself to just anyone after him. It took a while for me to accept I'd be kissing someone other than him.

But anyways, now that I've had slightly more experience I'm not so sentimental and will go with what feels right.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Elixir said:


> There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. It's not like it's harming anybody. Some people (myself included) prefer to wait and they have their reasons.


I don't think there is anything wrong with it either, I just really don't see it a lot.. to each their own I guess.


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