# Therapist from hell



## ninka (Sep 28, 2009)

I decided to share my experience with a therapist. Hope none of you have been trough anything similar, as I'm from central Europe, where health care is basically free, but its quality sucks big time.

I've had SA for as long as I can remember, but after having my kid and getting postpartum depression as a bonus, I decided to finally do something about it. So I made an appointment to a therapist. When I entered her office, I wanted to flee: and I should have, definitely. The room was dark, the only light came from a table lamp. Behind the table, I saw an elderly lady who looked like from some movie on a devilish mother-in-law. 

She told me sit down on a simple wooden chair and then the inquiry started: she posed a question after question and wrote down everything I said: slowly, by hand, on a sheet of yellow paper. The questions made me wonder what is she aiming at: she asked how old my parents were when they married, whether my grandparents had any heart disease or diabetes, whether my sister is successful at school...all kind of crap about everybody in the family but me.

This went on for about half an hour, then she finally decided it's high time she asked about my problems, so I mentioned my depression and SA, like not being able to get up and go to a gym because of the people there and several other examples. She didn't let me talk much, however: after mentioning that I'm married she was interested about our sex life. I admitted not having sex too often because of my depression, whence she scolded me like a little kid: how dare I torture my husband by not giving him what he wants anytime he wants, what kind of wife am I? (btw, my husband is very considerate and never pushed me into anything). I was so shocked I couldn't react: I was just listening and praying this ends soon.

Then, she was interested about how do I view myself. When she asked if I think I'm responsible and strong-willed, I said that I think I am. I was scolded again for contradicting myself: I cannot be either, when I can't make myself to go to a gym or have sex regularly.

I was lucky she writes so slowly and we couldn't therefore talk more in the 60 minutes she reserved for me. She closed my case by prescribing strong hypnotics and told me to come in a month to tell her what did the pills do to me.

I cried on my way home, vowed never to seek professional help again, and as a consequence, I became even more depressed.

Disclaimer: We don't live in the stone age: all other doctors I've been to are routinelly using PCs and the medical center this sorry excuse for a therapist works at is otherwise progressive both in technologies and health care (which makes me wonder what do therapists look like in a small-town state hospital....or, I don't want to know).


----------



## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I've had worse. I've told therapists about my brothers suicide and some of them thought I was lying to them. They thought I just wanted attention.


----------



## complex (Apr 22, 2009)

Oh I am so sorry I had a doctor like that a long time ago and I think because it was such a small town and she was the only doctor accepting new patcients she could get away with what ever she wanted to say. I dont think you should swear off doctors they can helpt trust me you just need to find the right one! I hope you do you can always make a fifteen minute appointment to just meet the doctor to see if it is a good fit and you always have the right to walk out if you feel inclined im so sorry for this expirence! I hope you do find someone who can help you!


----------



## ninka (Sep 28, 2009)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I've had worse. I've told therapists about my brothers suicide and some of them thought I was lying to them. They thought I just wanted attention.


Sorry to hear that 
I don't understand one thing: if they're not interested in actually helping people and trying to be emphatic, why have they chosen that job in the first place?


----------



## jessthemess (Nov 17, 2009)

im sorry to hear of both your experiences too thats terrible

complex is right though you shouldn't swear off doctors because then you might never find a doctor that is able to help. 

i had a bad experience with a sensitive claims therapist who told me she was out of town and would text me when she was back in town. as it turns out she never did and she was still charging me weekly welfare was paying for it! the nerve of her!

i don't know whats wrong with some people they should know better when theyre meant to be helping others :no


----------



## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

Wow. I think the therapist could stand to take some of her own medicine, literally. At least it would put her out of commission.


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

my therapists were never that bad, but i did often feel like they were trying to goad me into reacting. this doesn't sound like that though...


----------



## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

ninka said:


> I don't understand one thing: if they're not interested in actually helping people and trying to be emphatic, why have they chosen that job in the first place?


For the dough.

Don't dismiss therapy completely. Not all therapists are like that.


----------



## ninka (Sep 28, 2009)

ShyViolet said:


> For the dough.
> 
> Don't dismiss therapy completely. Not all therapists are like that.


In my country, doctors are not paid well, because they are paid by the government, who couldn't care less. I'd love to have the opportunity to pay for quality care: many people pay for their operations abroad rather than having them done here, but it's not possible with psychotherapy: there's the language barrier and you have to attend regularly


----------



## lyricalillusions (Nov 29, 2008)

It sounds like you need another therapist. If she's that old, she might not get what things are like for people in younger generations. Instead of never going to therapy again, maybe you could ask for another one.


----------



## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

Yuck. Get someone else.


----------



## outsider77 (Sep 7, 2005)

Try to find one that specializes in social anxiety. From the 3 that I've had, 2 didn't even know what social anxiety was. I've come to realize that most therapists and psychiatrists are only in it for the money and can't wait to say the session is over and tell me to come back in a few weeks so they can take people's money again and increase the drug dosage so they can keep people coming back for more.


----------



## the chosen one (Jan 8, 2010)

this is one of the biggest reasons i've never been to therapy, because if i get someone like this and i actually do take his advice seriously then how do i know that it wont just make things worse. but about the one you went to see yeah, i dont think i'd be going back to see her anytime soon.


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

ninka said:


> ...
> I cried on my way home, vowed never to seek professional help again, and as a consequence, I became even more depressed...


That was a horrible therapist. There will be those kinds from time to time, but there are good ones out there too. I hope you don't give up on seeking help.


----------



## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you give up on therapy all together, most therapists are very sensitive and don't blame you.


----------



## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

For the most part, from my experience, therapists are counter-productive

If a therapist makes you feel worse, rather than better, then what's the point...

Is their purpose to build themselves up by tearing the misfortunate down???

Most peoples self concept comes from comparing themselves to others, therapists are no exception, therefore; most probably have more to gain from their clients failures, than their success

One of the only exceptions seems to be when one identifies with the other...

For example, if they have SA...


----------



## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

It's quite common. The majority of therapists I have had (on the NHS) have been misinformed, irrational, occasionally abusive, disrespectful, indolent, and inflexible.


----------



## Croquantes (May 15, 2009)

While her methods may be questionable, she does have a few good points. I would seek another therapist, but also examine some of her advice.



ninka said:


> Then, she was interested about how do I view myself. When she asked if I think I'm responsible and strong-willed, I said that I think I am. I was scolded again for contradicting myself: I cannot be either, when I can't make myself to go to a gym or have sex regularly.


I think this is quite true. I know for myself, I was scared to go to the gym, even though nothing bad ever happened there. My fear of the gym was totally irrational, and yet I did nothing. I let the fear control me. I had the chance to exercise, get in shape and feel better about myself, because I know I'm out of shape, and I know I feel bad about that.

I know that I'm ultra sensitive to criticism. I think maybe you are too. Sure, we have Social Anxiety but having SA (or depression. They go hand in hand) doesn't mean that we can't just blame everything on that.

Therapists often drag try and drag the ugly truth out of us, and it often hurts. I've had about three therapists before, and I didn't like any of them. Their questions would sometimes be embarrassing, and irrelevant. Yet, looking back, I can see that those painful questions were warranted.

Therapists don't know everything about you, they don't know your history or your genetics so they have to ask tons of questions. I remember being asked if I was ever raped, or sexually abused by family members. I was shocked and appalled at the question, but I think it's a valid question now.

With your next therapist, if you like their demeanor (the old lady truly did sounds like a witch) I suggest you give them the benefit of the doubt, and try and stick through their painful questioning.

One of my therapists asked some particularly hard questions about my being bullied in school. I had thought that this bullying was vicious and terrible but when I was actually explaining what happened to her, I realised that what I went through wasn't really that bad. Kids in Sudan, or rural China have it much worse than I ever did. Hm. I'm babbling. XD

Better luck with your next therapist.


----------



## ninka (Sep 28, 2009)

Croquantes said:


> While her methods may be questionable, she does have a few good points. I would seek another therapist, but also examine some of her advice.


She might have some good points, but I didn't like the way she presented them. I didn't come to see her to be mocked about my inability to go to the gym: I needed advice on how to overcome my fear.
I also didn't like the way she tried to put down everything on sex. But later I understood: I did some googling and found some of her works. All dealt with sexual issues. She may as well never heard about SA, come to think of it now.

It was a few months ago. I decided not to try another therapist now. The frustration and depression is over now that my kid is in daycare and I go to work and I'm trying to deal with SA with help of Dr. Richards' tapes: they do help some. I might try another therapist after I finish the tapes, though.

I'm glad I've shared this experience, it helped me a lot. On the other hand, I'm sorry that so many others have met similar (even worse) doctors


----------

