# Either my therapists always suck



## McChubs (Jun 25, 2008)

or I'm a lousy patient. I dunno which, but I'm so sick of not being helped. I'm sick of therapists who don't understand why I have trouble communicating with them. I've had 2 therapists who actually told me to "just spit it out" (an exact quote from one of them) when I tried to talk to them or answer a question.

I have almost given up on therapy. My new outlook is that as long as a doc gets me thinking about things, he's OK. I no longer expect any real, direct help.

Anyone else feel this way? Is there anyone who used to feel this way and have rebounded? I want to have hope in therapy, but I've been through sooooo many docs.


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## styler5 (Oct 7, 2006)

Probably the former is right. I've seen many people here complaining how their therapists are not helping.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

I have come to the conclusion too. How much were they costing you if I can ask, McChubs? Im not from the US - does it come down to the level of your insurance plan? If so, are you on a high / med / low one?


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## McChubs (Jun 25, 2008)

I pay $25 a visit and must have a referral from my insurance. I've been through a number of therapists. I liked one guy because he was cool, but he never really helped me. The only therapist I ever received benefit from was in a hospital, and I could not see her on outpatient. She was a brilliant woman, but our time together was short.

I like my psychiatrist. He's a good guy, listens, is careful about meds and explains them to me. He's always open to it when I ask to try something different. Good guy, he is.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Unfortunately, here is the truth. Unless you are paying in the region of $100 a session for your therapy, then its unlikely you are getting the quality treatment you need.

The therapists skill is FUNDAMENTAL. If they cant get through to you, get you to open up, empathise with you and understand you, they are a bad therapist. I noticed this changing from NHS (free in the UK) to private. The NHS one was like dealing with an angry robot, the private one was a human. The private one transformed my life, the NHS one made it worse.

A psych will be easier going because he gives you a pill, you feel heard. But therapy takes much longer and demands more skill - actually the right PERSONALITY. One session where thr guy goes "OK you can try wellbutrin this time" might make you feel more in control, but it wont provide the long term deep change of therapy (if you have Dx'd social anxiety disorder)


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## McChubs (Jun 25, 2008)

the $25 is my copay... the sessions run about $100 or more. The practice I go to has a great reputation according to some of the hospitals I've been in, but I've been through every therapist there and am seeing a guy right now who thinks I have a crush on him. every so often he reminds me it's ok to have feelings for your therapist, and I tell him the only feeling I have is frustration.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

That does not sound like a good therapist to me. Thats a huge breach of boundaries.

I pay £90 ($180) for my therapist for BPD. The one that got me over SA was £70 an hour ($140)

If you cant open up to a therapist about things, and he cant make you feel comfortable (sounds like he does the opposite) then there is no therapy relationship. 

It took me a long time to realise that my therapist is not psychic and if I waited for them to read my mind and guess what my feelings were or what I was thinking, we got nowhere. I had to go through a PAINFUL phase of volunteering shameful, sensitive information to him (and my newer one - her). Like deep dark stuff involving my paranoia about people (inclkuding the therapist), sexual history and concerns, violent imagery that I have, my inability to discipline myself and get things done (for ages I thought the therapist would tell me I was lazy so I just covered it up), wanting to be 'a player' and so being ashamed to tell them, but it was in fact a HUGE thing for me but I thought if I just turned up eventually the anxiety feeling would go away and I could be a stud. I had a couple of therapists that I just got stuck with because I did not tell them anything - so to go back to your original question, there may be things YOU can do to make it easier on yourself, but it is the therapists job to make you feel comfortabel and establish a good relationship with you.

And not the kind of relationship your therapist is hinting it.


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