# THAT blew up in my face!



## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Met a person at a meetup group. They told me about her adult daughter, that she had mentioned me to her to try and get her to come along too. When she called her mom I asked to talk to her, but she was too shy. So, I gave her mom my number to bring to her.

The next week they both came. She was beautiful, and funny, and smart - I was stunned, and very impressed. We hung out, and talked a little bit. Afterwards she gave me her facebook, we talked for hours and had great conversations. Then she gave me her phone number and we texted a couple of days also having really quality interesting conversations. I thought I was making a new friend, if not potentially more.

Then yesterday, I texted her, she said hello but that she was tired and stressed from work, didn't want to talk, but we could talk the next day.

Next day (today) I said hello. No answer. Sent her a hello on FB an hour later when I saw her on. 

She blew up at me.

"Me: hello
Her: Listen if I don't answer your text I'm not gonna answer your Facebook message either. It's been a long night and I don't want to talk every single day. I'm sorry
Me: Hey I didn't mean to bother you, just wanted to say hi.
Her: Over Facebook and text. You're clearly trying to get my attention. But it's fine.
Me: Yeah I like talking to you. We had some good conversations. If you're not in the mood to talk, just let me know and I'll leave you alone
Just saw you on here and didn't know if you preferred to chat on this or not.
Her: It's logged in on my phone 24/7
Me: Ah okay, on my chat bar it shows you on and off at different times
If I knew you were not in the mood to talk I would leave you alone as long as you need. Sorry if I upset you
Her: It's fine
Me: You did say yesterday "We can talk tomorrow"
Her: Are you done? If I didn't message you. I don't want to talk and you're pushing the envelope
Me: yes I'm done, goodnight"


So, that went badly really fast! I should have taken the hint when she didn't reply to my text and not tried again in the same night. Still, kind of bothers me to get such a strong reaction from something so innocent as new friend trying to say HI.

At least it didn't go completely nuclear, she didn't unfriend me or tell me to never talk to her again.

I don't know what to do now. Wait several days? For things to cool down. Wait until she messages me first? Really upset now, I had gotten so much positive energy from talking to her before, now I'm afraid I ruined what we had just begun. Blah!

**UPDATE** her mom is doing a meetup at her house for a game night, I'm torn because I'd love to go, but I'm afraid of an awkward situation with the daughter. Haven't talked to her yet. Thinking I should just flat out ask "Would it bother you if I came over for this?" I have another thing I could go to instead. It sucks, if things were going well with her this would be the perfect opportunity to try and take it further. Instead it's just damage control at this point.


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## twistedlogic89 (Jul 13, 2013)

It could just be you caught her in a really bad mood. 

I'd give her another chance, but if she continues with this behavior I would drop her like a bad habit! You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around someone


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Ouch. That's definitely not good. Very rarely would a girl not make time for you even if it's new. As of now don't message her. Let her be the one to make contact next. If she hasn't in a couple of days, move on.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I don't know, man. Seems like a straightforward rejection to me. I personally wouldn't initiate again.


I'm afraid you might be right. But I'm hoping it was just a really bad day & mood swings, and that she'll get over it and we'll go back to our happy chats together.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

twistedlogic89 said:


> It could just be you caught her in a really bad mood.
> 
> I'd give her another chance, but if she continues with this behavior I would drop her like a bad habit! You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around someone


That's what I was thinking. She's young, emotionally immature. But so awesome when she's in a good mood.

Maybe I learned the only thing I need to - only say Hello once in a day, and if there's no reply, let it go.

And you're right, I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her. If a person doesn't want to talk they can just say so without being rude or mean. If this crap was a regular thing I'd have to endure, it wouldn't be worth it for the good times.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

Dont look too much into I have been in the same boat loads of times the trouble is with us we have such a limited social circle that the few people we do talk it can put pressure on them and when people arent in the mood your situation happens, whilst it is good to have these conversations that last for hours I try to space it out a bit now and you almost burn things out otherwise.

Just give her a break for a few days and try again and perhaps just send her the one message if she doesnt reply leave it at that and see if she contacts you.

I dont want to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room but she maybe on her period I have had a couple girls turn into she devils when its that time of the month thankfully my online bestie always tells me now and the worst she gets is just a bit cranky.


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## cmed (Oct 17, 2009)

Well, texting her then immediately messaging her on Facebook does seem a little obsessive, but it doesn't excuse her apparent attitude problem. 

After she snapped at you like that, you should've just not replied and left the ball in her court. You've set a bad precedent here - she now knows that she can talk to you like crap and get away with it.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Anyone would think you'd just stabbed a kitten and wiped your knife on her dress or something... Sounds aggressive and unstable.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

that is COLD


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## LeeMann (Nov 29, 2012)

I suppose if you meet a potential friend and notice something *bad about them* early, then it could be a *good sign*.

Try to balance your acceptance (being understanding of whatever her reasons) of her and not tolerating her bad behavior (aggressiveness). Somewhere in the middle. In the end, I guess you should pursue the friendship a little bit more.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

AndrewUK83 said:


> Dont look too much into I have been in the same boat loads of times the trouble is with us we have such a limited social circle that the few people we do talk it can put pressure on them and when people arent in the mood your situation happens, whilst it is good to have these conversations that last for hours I try to space it out a bit now and you almost burn things out otherwise.
> 
> Just give her a break for a few days and try again and perhaps just send her the one message if she doesnt reply leave it at that and see if she contacts you.
> 
> I dont want to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room but she maybe on her period I have had a couple girls turn into she devils when its that time of the month thankfully my online bestie always tells me now and the worst she gets is just a bit cranky.


That's the thing you astutely noted - I have small social circle, so if something upsetting happens with one, it's a big deal emotionally, the mind obsesses and ruminates about it until it makes me sick. Spent the morning saying to myself "stop thinking about her!"

Probably should have just chilled after the several good conversations this week and let her come to me, instead of me trying to start another. Made myself seem too interested, too available.

You're probably right about the time of the month thing, this nasty mood swing is like the complete opposite of the super friendly person who was so interested in talking to me for hours just a few days ago. It's more than just a bad day at work.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

And now her mom, who I've been acquaintance friends with for several months, is hosting a meetup game night at her house this weekend.

I want to go, but I'm afraid it will be awkward if I run into her daughter there and we haven't made up ahead of time.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

What a ****ing *****. Why would anyone even want to be friends with someone like that. If she apologises or tries to talk to you I would just tell her to **** off.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

apx24 said:


> What a ****ing *****. Why would anyone even want to be friends with someone like that. If she apologises or tries to talk to you I would just tell her to **** off.


Yeah I think her response was out of proportion to me simply saying Hi twice. Other times she's really awesome though.

I'm going to treat it as a one time thing, but if the new friendship with her recovers and she keeps snapping at me like that I wouldn't want to deal with it.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

Definitely definitely wait several days

It could be rejection or it could genuinely be she's busy. I've been in that situation where my free time doesn't match someone elses and they probably feel like I'm rejecting them, but it's genuinely because I'm busy and only have time for some things e.g. playing videogames a couple times a week. Doesn't mean I hate them. I'd usually do things like not respond until I'm actually free and I've had that where i don't respond to texts, then they start Skyping me or ringing me and yeah I get annoyed too, although I wouldn't actually blow up at them.

It did sound like she overreacted and was probably stressed or in a bad mood in the first place. You *reaaally* should've left it alone after her 'It's fine' though, that was being pushy. I get it but, just learn from that and know when to stop in the future.

So definitely wait a few days, hopefully she realises it's bad to overreact and gets in contact to apologise. If not you can then try contacting her casually, and if nothing comes of it you'll have to write it off. Just don't go all obsessive if she doesn't respond again, that would be baaaad.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Paragon said:


> Definitely definitely wait several days
> 
> It could be rejection or it could genuinely be she's busy. I've been in that situation where my free time doesn't match someone elses and they probably feel like I'm rejecting them, but it's genuinely because I'm busy and only have time for some things e.g. playing videogames a couple times a week. Doesn't mean I hate them. I'd usually do things like not respond until I'm actually free and I've had that where i don't respond to texts, then they start Skyping me or ringing me and yeah I get annoyed too, although I wouldn't actually blow up at them.
> 
> ...


Yeah I made things worse at that point. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop digging. Won't make the same mistake twice, I'll just make all new ones!

Hope I can recover from this.

Hope I can build myself up to the point that I have an abundant social life where one person doesn't matter so much. If I had a bunch of good friends and a girlfriend, my response would be "Whatever, bye!" and not care. But with a tiny social life I desperately need anyone so I don't have to feel painfully alone. So I tolerate bad behavior and feel horrible.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> Yeah I made things worse at that point. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop digging. Won't make the same mistake twice, I'll just make all new ones!
> 
> Hope I can recover from this.
> 
> Hope I can build myself up to the point that I have an abundant social life where one person doesn't matter so much. If I had a bunch of good friends and a girlfriend, my response would be "Whatever, bye!" and not care. But with a tiny social life I desperately need anyone so I don't have to feel painfully alone. So I tolerate bad behavior and feel horrible.


Yeah I know how you feel exactly as I mentioned before we almost put too much pressure on those small number of people in our lives and then it ends up pushing them away especially if we cant always be the fun life of the party person everyone wants to know because of depression or other issues so it becomes a vicious circle.

I think it comes down to that we dont hold high opinion of ourselves and our ability to form bonds with people so anyone that shows us the slightest genuine interest we hold onto so tightly to the point of suffocation.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

mjkittredge said:


> Yeah I made things worse at that point. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop digging. Won't make the same mistake twice, I'll just make all new ones!
> 
> Hope I can recover from this.
> 
> Hope I can build myself up to the point that I have an abundant social life where one person doesn't matter so much. If I had a bunch of good friends and a girlfriend, my response would be "Whatever, bye!" and not care. But with a tiny social life I desperately need anyone so I don't have to feel painfully alone. So I tolerate bad behavior and feel horrible.


Hey, everyone makes mistakes, it's not that major in the grand scheme of things. And I'm sure that you will be able to


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Ever get the feeling, like... Your parents taught you to be polite and nice, friendly. Then like you try to perhaps convey this through text or something and that person misinterprets it as weird/clingy, when really you didn't consider your dialog that sort at all. So then like, you'll play the lame texting game and wait a bit. Essentially walking around eggshells. Whereas you see other people who literally just meet, like your friends are telling you about how they just met a girl and they are texting nonstop and they've only known each other for a few days? This gal here, apparently wants her space, why who knows?---She's a closed book.

Perhaps eventually she'll convey why in a more polite manner. Though you shouldn't get your hopes up, nor attached to her, all things considering. Protect your feelings first, you don't even know if she's a friend worth having given the limited amount of time you've spent with her. Indulge her for abit and give her space if you want. Hopefully she is just going through a rough patch at the moment. At least it isn't the alternative and she completely ignores you. Tons of girls/guys lately do that these days and eventually when you drop them as friends and they run into you, they have the audacity to tell you they miss chatting, why don't you talk to them more? Don't be a stranger!--Etc. Right cause being ignored constantly, not even a simple Hi, and witnessing them chatting with "cooler" friends isn't a sign to back off whatsoever, heh.

It is what it is, sorry to hear that mate, I beseech you not to get your hopes up. Test the waters and play it cool yet if she doesn't wanna chat, her loss?--Move on to the next? (sorry for cliche words, I dunno man... )

The game is stupid and clearly rigged in favor for picky people who don't know what they want, so they collect many potentials. If she was interested she'd be initiating texts or replying almost every time. The fact that she may still respond to yours yet is remaining distant on purpose might illustrate she's unsure. If she's uninterested she would simply ignore you until you got the hint, eventually block you if you don't. Of course not everyone is the same so these are only guidelines, things you already know too. Yet this is the general consensus of how people interact with acquaintances, they eventually categorize you as friend, remain as acquaintance, or leave me alone. Jumping through hoops for people in order to make friends is illogical since you're already striving to meet the expectations of your family, boss, and teachers. Trying to please everyone is added stress, especially if they are negative all the time, for no apparent reason. Also for every jerk there's usually a few more cool people, or at least closet jerks pretending to be cool, so there's that.

You won't know for sure unless you chat with em more, but if they don't wanna chat, there's simply nothing you can do, that's their problem not yours. I think generally technology has rather spoiled people in regards to friendships, they can simply cut someone out of their life and convey that without words with a simple finger twitch. Whereas back then, people had to actually speak their piece and *gasp* express their feelings. God forbid we treat other's like human beings and don't assume they're mind readers...


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

can I call her something? okay, fine. I won't.

I would've told her "you know I am sorry if I upset you, that was not my intention at all, I genuinely wanted to be your friend, but that's okay."

leave like a gentlemen **** her.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Tonight saw a message from her, she's offline but left this for me.

"I'm sorry about last night. I've been really stressed . so sorry."

Responded in offline message for her to get later "It's okay. I hope you feel better."



thanks everyone for all the kind words and advice. Going to see her tomorrow! Nothing like a little drama to spice things up. I could do without the lost sleep and nausea and obsessive thoughts, but alls well that ends well, right?


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## microbopeep (Apr 28, 2013)

I'd keep it moving, if I were u


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I would of just give up on her.


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## SilvaSar (Aug 20, 2014)

SuperSky said:


> Anyone would think you'd just stabbed a kitten and wiped your knife on her dress or something... Sounds aggressive and unstable.


what to say - me quote this. Run away!


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## Live Through This (Aug 24, 2014)

Just saw your update. I think you should take it slow with her and let her steer the communication because it sounds like she's not at a stable place in life right now. Has nothing to do with you.


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## drummerboy45 (Jul 29, 2010)

The feisty ones are the funnest


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## zzxm01 (Aug 27, 2014)

drummerboy45 said:


> The feisty ones are the funnest


Amen.


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