# I need friends but am too needy



## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

Right now partly it is because i didn't have a job, but even when i did, i flood people with my neediness and people run awa yor get bored. Plus i am comfortable being lowest, being on the bottom, being a loser, and people take advantage of me and treat me badly and i still let them and am nice to them because i am a nice, forgiving person and also i don't have any friends.

They look for their status hit and then run. So i have to play games with people, pretending like i don't care as much. I have to email less often, i have to keep things brief, i have to pretend to be happy or talk in a happy way when i would rather be modest, i have to be an entertainer instead of myself.

I just got in touch with someone i thought was too selfish in the relationship, like many other people i have known, and i still flatter him and thank him because i have no friends.

I guess i don't sound like a very nice person in this write up, maybe i am not, all i know is that i have trouble making and keeping friends, especially ones who value me for me instead of looking to me for their next injection of praise or entertainment.

I mean, i can be charming when i want to be, but i am not that person underneath the makeup. I don't wear makeup anymore, either.

Sigh, i guess i will return to becoming another hardworkingly friendly, charming person and less the person i am inside, reserving that for the internet.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

What are you inside?


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

I guess on the inside i am suicidal and don't really care about things and need constant support to distract me from how i really feel about things.

I always want more friends but when i open up to people no one seems to care, in fact people seem to run away.

On the inside i am very unhappy, jaded, talkative, unproductive, whiny, complaining, don't understand why we go to work in the first place, very sarcastic and cynical and spiteful, vengeful.

But more than that i am emotionally needy, i feel disrespected a lot by others and get hurt a lot and want to talk and need to talk about the smallest things, like that my former coworkers didn't return email. They think themselves too important. It was old bosses, and i am supposed to know my place as an underling.

I have to wear a mask being more entertaining, polite and socially appropriate than selfish, introspective me. Most people don't have as much time for introspection as i do, most people don't care to make conversation and enjoy the moment as much as head off to the next big thing.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I'm quite different to different people too. i think that's normal. also hate work and hierarchies and things. but I'm not talkative, I'm the opposite and I wouldn't know how to be charming. I'm quite needy too.

sorry I dont have any advice or anything meaningful to actually say lol. hope you're doing ok


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

Thank you andy... I guess I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, get rejected a lot and disagree with others and dont know why other people I find less interesting seem to get along with people better than I do.

I dont feel free to be myself, which means being modest, thoughtful, lazy.


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

Yay it sounds like I got a job offer and now I am just waiting for the paperwork. I applied for a lot of jobs, but I will go ahead accept this one.

I have been emailing and trying to get in contact with so many people, I dont know why I need attention so much but I love hearing from people.

The job is a 6 month contract, so I will need to find work again soon but I dont mind. I think I will still consider contract work again, although it will be better for me to find full time work.

I was thinking of going back to school, we will have to see what comes of it. Maybe I can keep taking contracts and do school in between, I dont think I can take my kind of classes except in the classroom, which means during work hours.

I wonder what I will do about needing people all the time once I am at work. I hope I make friends and can talk to people at work and est lunch together.

I was thinking maybe I might blog like this during the day too, to keep the anxiety down.


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## Icarus12 (Nov 22, 2013)

Congratulations on the new job! It might be only a temporary six month contract but it sounds like that might be a good thing as it will give you time to decide if you want to go back to school or if you want to search for a permanent job. 

It should also help you meet a bunch of new people. Hopefully you hit it off with a few of them and make a few new friends as well. 

Definitely try blogging if you feel like it might help you deal with your anxiety. I'm always looking for new ways to cope. If I try something and it turns out to be a bust I just drop it and look for something else.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

anon1123 said:


> I guess on the inside i am suicidal and don't really care about things and need constant support to distract me from how i really feel about things.
> 
> I always want more friends but when i open up to people no one seems to care, in fact people seem to run away.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear  i am very needy too lol, i used to be extremely clingy and obsessive with everyone i met but not anymore. You can learn to not be so needy, and you can also find good friends who will care about you no matter what. As for your emotional struggles, i find the best thing to do is to just let go of your worries. Instead of holding on to everything, just flow with life and accept reality for what it is and focus on being happy and having peace and improving your life. And dont give up, because things will get better, especially if you do what you can to make a change in your life and to think positively. I used to feel so suicidal all the time but i can say for a fact that it does get better, now i rarely feel suicidal and i am a lot happier and have experienced many beautiful things that are almost too good to be true haha. Things can change, life changes and your perspective can change and eventually 20 or 30 years from now you might be looking back on an amazing life, who knows?


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

I have been spilling my inner thoughts to people I dont like and are a little controlling and who dont share back becuase I so need closeness and need to talk.

I get dominated a lot, and I used to like people who tell me what to do and make decisions for me and obeying, but I dont anymore. I think I prefer more peer and more equal relationships. 

I block my mother and I think it is healthy but I feel so nonconformist, whereas my comfort zone is to look like other people and I am fine with that.


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## lil_tails (Aug 13, 2018)

i dont even know all this **** is complicated af dude, i just chillin n if they dont wana chill with me idgaf 

its sometimes tuff when theres nobody wif u but on the other hand i duno rly wtf to do with ppl too and i have weird brain disorder where people and real life comunication is bizarre af fo me


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

Thank you @andy1984. I was dxed with bpd so I take up a lot of attention and support and can be so sensitive to criticism and invalidation. Support and sharing and not feeling so alone all the time is what i need the most.


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

@andy1984 you sound like an intelligent person and I am glad to meet you.


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## anon1123 (Oct 25, 2018)

I am going to go on a rant now. 

How much do you tell your employer about your mental illnesses? This question came up on the mighty. I want to know the answer, too!

Attention is like oxytocin for me. Being complimented and talked about makes me feel a lot calmer. Getting emails from friends is what gets me through the day.

Without this hit, I turn to addictive behaviors, sleep and food. I take melatonin to sleep and numb out, and same with carbohydrates. It is not out of hunger or even appetite but sheer desire to soothe my feelings.

The feelings I have are really rough. I get lonely and also feel taken advantage of.

I don't know if it bc I have also been dxed with schizoaffective disorder, but frequently my intuition tells me funny things and I don't know if they are true or not, for example that someone is playing a song for me bc they are thinking of me when they hear it, or that men are attracted to me but don't want me to know.

I struggle with knowing what to say and ask, I tend to be passive bc when I ask for information directly I frequently do not get it, especially over email. This makes me feel I have no control over my life.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

@anon1123, i never told an employer anything about my mental illness. no one wants to get involved with me... because i'm obviously broken and it's easy for them to keep a distance because i keep distance from them. it sounds like you have quiet bpd, so i don't think it would be necessary to tell them.

my ex who had bpd didn't tell anyone because it would have ruined her career. and especially with bpd, there is so much prejudice against it.

you flattered me and i am replying = reinforcement. but only your therapist can be your therapist. i hope you have one if you are trying to change. i don't want to reinforce your behaviours though, i don't need a compliment to get me to reply, and if i don't want to reply a compliment wont change that.

re spilling secrets, i also have this thing where once i know the person's secret and they know my secret i feel safe with them. i chase that, i prefer people with mental illness (shared secrets). it makes me feel better. but it makes relationships difficult, i exclude "normal" people, end up in difficult situations. i usually only have friendships with exs (the only way i feel comfortable talking to people is dating, because of the quick intimacy, easier to share secrets, easier to remove from life and ignore once they know my secrets, etc).

anyway, i hope the job is going well.


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## kudos06 (Apr 20, 2018)

anon1123 said:


> Right now partly it is because i didn't have a job, but even when i did, i flood people with my neediness and people run awa yor get bored. Plus i am comfortable being lowest, being on the bottom, being a loser, and people take advantage of me and treat me badly and i still let them and am nice to them because i am a nice, forgiving person and also i don't have any friends.
> 
> They look for their status hit and then run. So i have to play games with people, pretending like i don't care as much. I have to email less often, i have to keep things brief, i have to pretend to be happy or talk in a happy way when i would rather be modest, i have to be an entertainer instead of myself.
> 
> ...


I understand your situation there. Often times we feek like as if we are left out from life, left out from family and friends. And to be honest, it's totally natural. You know why? Humans are social beings.

We can't live without each other as much as we try, and to be honest your need for others proves that youre more humane  so don't worry. And also, I'd love to be your friend, you seem to be a nice person to be honest from my point of view so hit a reply and probably we'll chat if youre intetested 

And also, don't put put yourself down you know. In life, as we grow up, there will be a lot of people who will put us down for no reason at all. From therem we've gotta oull ourselves up. So don't make yourself down. Always try to look for a benefit even fro where everything seems negative. I promise you, how cruel the world might look, it has to pay back some day. IT HAS TO PAY BACK. Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction 

Have a wonderful day! (And you know, hit me up with a reply or DM )

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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Think we all can be needy. Sometimes we just need someone that understands, and isn't a distant person. I not a lot of us are like that, we want friends but are distant. You just need someone that isn't, always here to chat if you'll like.


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## masonm7700 (Mar 4, 2020)

I’m new here and still trying to figure things out.. I don’t know if you still pay attention to reply’s to this since I noticed it’s a little older but if you are and want to chat some time I think it could be good for both of us.. simply because I can relate to a lot of what you said. I’m Michelle btw, 33 and I know exactly what you mean especially about not showing who you truly are. Well, I won’t ramble but let me know if you ever wanna chat. 


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## Toby Carson (Jan 31, 2019)

I've always thought its ironic that people who want to make friends the most are considered desperate and end up with less friends then those who act casual and like they don't care at all. It's tragic really.


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