# Cutting your parents out of your life.



## neen (Dec 13, 2012)

A bit of a pointless nonstarter question I guess. Anyone else completely fine with leaving and never seeing your parents again? Or maybe you did at some point and have something to say about it?
Not in a good place right now and feeling a lot of unreasonable resentment and disgust toward them, even though I know it wasn't their fault they were so incompetent with me when I needed them. When I look at them today all I see is all the filth they put in me or let grow because of how ignorant they were. When I see how they live and who they are, it makes me sick and horrified because I don't want to be like them. Still living with my mother, which is a problem of course and I have to ignore her as much as possible. She makes my blood boil. Even if all these stupid emotions left me, I still see no reason to stay connected. There is nothing that I want from them. I feel I would be happier or at least more tranquil if I never saw them again.


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

I’ve done that and couldn’t be more pleased about it. They were parasites dragging me down. It’s possible and it feels great.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've had to put space between me and my mom. After being away from her for years now, I find it easier to talk to and see her for a while from time to time.

Once I put space between my parents and am living on my own, looking back I didn't realize how much of the stress I was feeling was my environment or rather the people in it.


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## SAADHD (Oct 30, 2018)

Starcut83 said:


> I've had to put space between me and my mom. After being away from her for years now, I find it easier to talk to and see her for a while from time to time.
> 
> Once I put space between my parents and am living on my own, looking back I didn't realize how much of the stress I was feeling was my environment or rather the people in it.


I agree with this. I've had to leave home for a while due to the stress and being treated really bad
Once I left, things got better, and we don't have that much resentment toward each other
Sometimes you can only figure things like those when you are away from the people that cause you to have certain feelings.
Once I was on my own, I could deconstruct whatever happened, and I learnt a lot


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

The longest I didn't see my parents was for a couple of years. There was a lot of built up resentment and drama, the break allowed the dust to settle (I still kept in infrequent contact so they wouldn't think that something bad has happened to me). My mother told me she disowned me at some point (but now doesn't remember that). I have a good relationship with my parents now, we live in separate countries but talk regularly and meet 1-2 times a year. Cutting off your family is a drastic step and can be very hard on you later, especially as you get older. It's worth doing if they're abusive but if they're just annoying it's best to keep a distance but remain in contact. I was very resentful about the fact that I had to be born in the first place but have come to terms with the fact that having children is just human nature, some people feel a strong desire to do so and it's not their fault. It's impossible to get parenting right, so provided they don't screw it up completely and turn your life into a living hell, it's worth cutting them some slack. If not now, maybe later. Wait and see?


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

I would say cutting your parents out of your life seems pretty drastic and like an only if completely necessary kind of thing. Yeah working on creating space/setting boundaries is a good goal though


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Mine has long demonstrated to me that simply putting a physical space between us simply isn't enough. She still constantly tries to assert a dominating presence in my life regardless which has been severely negatively affecting my happiness and mental well-being. My end goal does seem to be completely cutting her off. And also cutting off with the rest of my family and all relatives and friends. As much as I don't want to do the latter, but leaving any connections I know she can track me down if she wants to. But the idea of cutting off with nearly everyone I know is very depressing.



Dan the man said:


> I would say cutting your parents out of your life seems pretty drastic and like an only if completely necessary kind of thing. Yeah working on creating space/setting boundaries is a good goal though


I agree with this. Trying to experiment with setting boundaries first to see will be a good first step. And work from there as necessary. I have seen so many abused family victims completely cut off with people only to start regretting and relapsing into contact, only for the abuse to get worse than before.


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## movingbee (Oct 12, 2017)

I wanted to try to live independently and away from my mom, but thinking of how she will be without me, scares me off.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

When I lived alone in my early 20s, I only kept "infrequent contact." I will also likely maintain that same stance once I move away later this year. Too much toxicity and emotional disconnection/unavailability to have much of a nurturing connection with my parents.


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## Runner girl9090 (8 mo ago)

I don't care about my dad since he left so when he contacts me I just ignore him.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

The more distance between my family & I the better. They do nothing for me at all & constantly ask for help/support & they stand in judgement of me while doing it…there is far more detriment to being close to my family than any benefits & honestly if I never spoke with any of them again it would be ages before the possibility of me feeling bad about it. Sometimes family can bring you down the same way a bad group of friends can


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Canadian Brotha said:


> The more distance between my family & I the better. They do nothing for me at all & constantly ask for help/support & they stand in judgement of me while doing it…there is far more detriment to being close to my family than any benefits & honestly if I never spoke with any of them again it would be ages before the possibility of me feeling bad about it. Sometimes family can bring you down the same way a bad group of friends can


Damn.

But yeah sometimes stepping back from things you can see the truth/or people around you can hurt sometimes


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