# Overcame Severe Social Anxiety- & in process of setting higher LIFE Goals



## AlekParker (Oct 31, 2006)

I can honestly say that my Social Anxiety has been from extreme to moderate for most of my life. (and led me to have depression) Recently though it's lessened to mild-moderate, and in certain situations/times it's almost not even there.

The best thing is my avoidance has gone drastically down. That is, I do a lot of things despite feeling some fear of them. 

My quote of the week is this: "Fear is SOMETIMES an indicator of what you should not do. Fear is more OFTEN an indicator of what you SHOULD DO." I am now tackling that fear head on

For example I can talk to strangers look them in the eye, and have a normal conversation with them, without being obsessed about what they are thinking about me, judging etc. Sometimes my SA pops out from time to time, but I am finding that I am OK with my SA as long as it's manageable and I still do stuff I need to do to get better. 

So yeah I still suffer (do i want to use this word? ehhh i guess i will, but i don't feel that I 'suffer' any more) from SA both moderate and mild, but I still do things, and am a lot happier. I am actively overcoming my SA and living a pretty full life. My outlook in life has changed for the better.

So a large epiphany I had is that we can't just ignore our fear/anxiety we have to accept it, embrace it and use it as guidance in life.

Also, as a result of my getting better my goals have changed. I don't just want to have some friends, or 'get by' in life. I want to EXCEL at life. Become socially free (to an extent of course) and beceom successful in my career, relationships, social life, etc. 

All this being said life is all about learning and growing. I accept myself for who I am now, and love myself, but will continue to learn, change for the better, and 'sharpen the saw'. I will continue to evolve into a better person, and I expect the best out of myself.

My new self esteem has made me expect more from myself and to live life to it's fullest. Carpe Diem!!


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## opalsky (Dec 6, 2010)

"So a large epiphany I had is that we can't just ignore our fear/anxiety we have to accept it, embrace it and use it as guidance in life."
Interesting thoughts - thanks for sharing them! Well done and very best wishes that you continually succeed!


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## ForeverInBloom (Oct 4, 2010)

Ha nice! That's deep, the part about fear being an indicator of what you should do. I'm going to keep that in mind.

Had an epiphany of my own, similar to yours. Today at track practice I gave it my all and did pretty good. Usually I never tried and would end up doing terrible but today I asked myself why I didn't try and did try. I look forward to running now than ever because before I would get anxious and nervous. Now I just wanna run!

God bless in life and Godspeed to you Alek.


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## eek a mouse (Apr 14, 2010)

very cool...
sharpen the saw....did you get that from 7 habits ? hehe....


Im hoping real soon ill be in a very similar situation. The rest of this week and next week I am tackling my avoidance and going all out in trying new things to get out there and meet new people. My SA is already way low but im still not quite as comfortable as I want to be, and good looking people, especially women still activate that inner sensor that makes me hyper-reflective but I dont freak out about it, its uncomfortable and I really just want to be myself. 


keep it up


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## serolf (Jan 10, 2008)

Thanks for sharing your experiences and congratulations on your remarkable improvements. I too feel like I am getting better, or at least I'm on the right track.


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## Hamtown (Jun 10, 2010)

Its true for me as well.If i'm comfortable enough i can sometimes be completely fine talking and actually WANT to talk.Breaking through the stranger barriers can be hard and sometimes it does pop up but i believe i don't really suffer it anymore either.All i really need now is more confidence in myself to just express myself and i believe i can gain that confidence.

Anyone can be free of anxiety.Happy for you bro, and may all anxiety sufferers also know that it is 100% possible to get through it no matter how impossible things may appear.

<<my face now in social situations hahaha.


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## AlekParker (Oct 31, 2006)

Guys thanks for the words, and I'm really glad a lot of you are on the same track.

One thing to keep in mind. It doesn't matter where you are right now... you can be stuck in your house afraid to step outside. (or lurking the forums, perhaps afraid to even post here) OR you could be very capable of having a conversation with any person, but feel a little intimidation and hints of not believing in yourself. 

BUT wherever you are you have to be in the path towards overcoming and improving your life situation

That is a CHOICE and you have to make it. You also have to accept that your SA will pop back up and you will fall back, BUT you will continue to keep moving in the direction away from SA and you will live a fulfilled and happy life.

PS. and yes the "sharpen the saw" quote is from 7 habits of Highly Effective People


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## ready (Sep 2, 2009)

Gj alek, I'm on the same path. I feel like if I don't avoid and just keep on putting myself in these situations, i will get better in no time. It's like I'm at the edge and breaking through more and more every day. At some point i realized that the central problem was not just an anxiety, it was a pattern of avoidance I've practiced for a long time, that has permeated many areas of my life, that I'm working to undo now. Of course this will take time. I find it surprising how similar our ideas are. Two different origins, two different paths, a similar problem and a similar conclusion.

You know, i was reading a paper on personality disorders, and for impairment, #1 was borderline, followed by a close, often ignored, #2 of avoidance. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Avoidance is painful, disabling, but we can get past it. If we do, we will have been through and achieved something that many could never have.


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## fictionmachine (Feb 16, 2011)

I made a thread in the "coping with SA", about me trying to ignore the fear and just go ahead, and I was surprised for the failure of my tactics. I've always been really scared to go to classes since I was in high school but I always go anyway. I'm afraid of talking to people but I talk to them anyway. I join organizations. With all the fears still linger, I still feel drained out, cry out of exhaustion of all the people I have to meet everyday sometimes, and feel hated by friends I talk to everyday, feeling I don't belong.

But as I look back, I think it could be worse if I didn't do it. Day by day, even when it felt really hurt, I try to understand better about how to connect with people with these impairing fear. How to get myself back when I feel like they reject me.

I think, if I don't do it, I'll be still just in my room, not knowing about how it actually feels like, communicating with people, being angered at, getting angry at, laughing with them.

I don't know if what I've been doing is right, but AlekParker, you just convinced me that it will work out someday. Step by step. That we can conquer it. And maybe I'll be happy to be with these friends I have around me, not feeling crap anymore. Bless this forum.


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