# Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past



## quietman55 (Dec 14, 2003)

I have a question to ask you all that is really has me strung out. I met this lady on the internet and she is really nice and treats me like a king (so to speak). I have just one problem though. She is a former drug addict. I mean she used the hard stuff (i.e. crack cocaine) she smoked it and snorted it, she never used needles. I just found this out yesterday when I asked her. She told me when we first met that she did drugs but I thought it was only occasional marijuana use. This just blows me away. Now I am considering ending it with her because of it. She has been clean for 7 years now and is a devout Christian that worships the Lord religiously. My question is would you have a relationship with an ex drug user? Do you think I would be headed for problems if I continue to see this woman? My head is in a tail spin right now. I don't know what to do. I have been so lonley over the years and she seems like she really cares for me. Help me out here if you can. Any advice would help. 

Thanks

Robert


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

quietman55 said:


> My question is would you have a relationship with an ex drug user?


Yes. I think I'd even prefer it a little if the person I'm with has some experience with drugs. I don't know if I'd start going out with someone that's a current user though. I'm done with all that.



quietman55 said:


> Do you think I would be headed for problems if I continue to see this woman?


No, not unless she has drug-seeking behavior and it really interferes with her life.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

Well, considering the fact that she hasn't used in 7 years, she's going to church, I think she has a good chance of staying clean. I wouldn't worry too much about her since she's had a 7 year track record of staying clean. 

I can understand your worry though. But, in my experience, it's the people that don't admit that they have a problem that are the problem.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

quietman55 said:


> I She has been clean for 7 years now and is a devout Christian that worships the Lord religiously.


It sounds like she has an addictive personality.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Maybe she will get addicted to him...  

It's a tough call. I would take things slow and try to find out more about why she did it and what else happened.


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

What does going to church have to do with being a good person?


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## phoenixdown (May 1, 2007)

It sounds like she is a good person. I understand your apprehension but it was seven years ago. You have to let it go. I hope that it's in the spirit of this board that everyone believes people can change, because if not, we're all screwed. To me, it sounds like you would be letting go of an opportunity to have a wonderful relationship. I tend not to judge people based on what they did in the past, because I don't want other people judging me the same way either. 

This also reminds me of something my therapist told me. There are no bad people, just bad choices. So she made a couple of bad choices, we all have.

Good Luck!


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## CharlieDigital (Jun 13, 2005)

Dude, she's been clean for 7 years and goes to church. Something tells me she's trying! I know it seems scary, but I would probably give it a shot if she really made me feel great. But man, the first time she shows up to your house with eyes like this :shock head for ze hills!


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

It sounds fine to me  If it's been 7 years I'm sure she's not going to go back. Everyone has bad stuff they've done in the past...


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I think you should give it a shot..She has stayed clean for 7 years,and there are lots of people who manage to stay clean all their life


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

I would give her a chance. 7 years is quite a while, and if you truely believe she is clean, and telling the truth, then there's no reason not to continue dating. 

It would be a shame if someone can't get another chance away from a life like that.


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## sctork (Oct 23, 2006)

*Re: re: Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past*



phoenixdown said:


> This also reminds me of something my therapist told me. There are no bad people, just bad choices. So she made a couple of bad choices, we all have.


 :agree

she could've lied to you about it. I think it speaks volumes that she was able to be honest with you about her past.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

If shes clean for 7 years then i dont see a problem with her.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

*Re: re: Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past*



Sabiancym said:


> What does going to church have to do with being a good person?


:ditto Plus, sometimes people who stop using drugs and turn to religion are often just replacing one addiction with another.

Anyway, I think you should give it a shot. It's her behavior now that really matters. But I just wanted to add one thing - both of you should get tested for STD's. She may say she never used needles, but you should both be tested just to be sure. I'm not saying she's a liar, but if she was as heavy into drugs as she said, she just might not remember.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

*Re: re: Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past*



Hypatia said:


> Sabiancym said:
> 
> 
> > What does going to church have to do with being a good person?
> ...


I'm all for BSing everyone else, because we live in BS world, but I never understood the whole "I did drugs for years and now I found Jesus" thing. Come on. You don't have to be a Christian to be a good former drug addict. The Christian part isn't convincing me. I'm smart enough to know if you're going to start using again. Even if you do, I may not dump you. As long as I don't have to give you money for it.

I don't really have a problem with drug users/former drug users. Drama seems to be the new social disease today. People are addicted to attention to themselves and the people around them. Lamers. I'd rather hang out with a heroin addict, or former heroin addict, than with these ultra self concerned people that are embraced in today's popular culture. 'F that. I like my messed up enthusiastic, brilliant formerly drug addicted, currently methadoned former users like my sister's b/f.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

I have a history with drugs. That doesnt make me a "bad" person. there are A LOT of people that have done drugs and just dont make it known. Its what someone is doing NOW in their life that matter. Staying clean for 7 years, sounds like its behind her. I wouldnt want to date someone who is so narrowminded they judge me by my past. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Its what is going on in the here and now that matters, IMHO.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Damn. Penny is always on the money, no pun intended. lol


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

^^ haha good one 

my two cents: give her a chance!! even if she's addicted to xianity now so what. if she makes you happy and her xian stuff isn't bad for you then you'd be throwing away an opportunity. for all we know her former drug use and recovery has made her a better person than most non drug users could ever be.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past*



Penny said:


> I wouldnt want to date someone who is so narrowminded they judge me by my past.


Just as I wouldn't say that everyone who doesn't learn about a person's past is naive and foolish, I wouldn't say that everyone who makes a prudent assessment based on a person's past is narrowminded. For instance, could you blame someone for not continuing to pursue someone once they have found out that the person had been married and divorced 5 times or if they have found out that a particular individual had abused women on several occasions? Of course each circumstance is different, so it is up to each person to be open and fair-minded but cautious and constantly cognizant of the person's actions and patterns. 


> Everyone has a skeleton in their closet.


Everyone, or would you be overgeneralizing here?


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## JerryR (Aug 3, 2006)

People can and do change. It's usually the people that suffer the most that change the most. Addicts, prisoners, victims of abuse.... But she can't prove that she changed to you, because you didn't know her 7 years ago, so I say give her a chance. 

Also, when people say they have found God or whatever.. it may be an attempt to prove to others that they have changed.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

*Re: re: Dating Someone With A Not-So-Flattering Past*



free thinker said:


> Penny said:
> 
> 
> > I wouldnt want to date someone who is so narrowminded they judge me by my past.
> ...


As so often happens in threads on SAS, this is deviating from the subject at hand. The OP, to which I was responding to, referred to a past of drug use. OBVIOUSLY if someone were a woman beater, paroled murderer or slayer of kittens, one would want to know these things. But I was referring to PAST DRUG USE. I am not one to HIDE my past, say in a relationship circumstance but I dont go around announcing with a trumpet that I FORMERLY used drugs either. To meet me know you would never even know it. And Seven years is a long time to be clean.

And yes I do think that everyone (okay Freethinker....95% ??  ) has a skeleton in their closet.

I am completely open when in a relationship and hide nothing. If someone doesnt take me for who I am today and is focused on the past, well then that someone wouldnt be the right one for me.


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