# social anxiety robbed me of many friendships I could still have today



## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

This curse took away many friends from the past that I am fairly confident I would still have if it weren't for this stupid disease. 

I can picture them all in my head. Some of them I was bound to lose, it happens. People change, friendships end. 

But some of them, some of them weren't supposed to end. The real friendships, the ones who were your true friends. Real friends, you can tell when those people are real friends.

Some of my friends I wasn't supposed to lose. I could still have then today, if it wasn't for this disease. People I had a lot in common with in which it would be unexplainable why all of a sudden we would grow apart to a third party person, until you told that third party person we grew apart because my social anxiety caused me to withdraw from that friend. 

Reconnecting with old friends is a lost cause. People have changed and moved on. Nobody clings to the past and thinks about a friend they had 3 years ago, when they have new friends already. Unless that person has no friends, like me.

**oops wrong subforum**


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## thunderface (Nov 25, 2014)

But SA makes you who you are in some ways and it takes all kinds to make this world what it is. Maybe you should stop wishing you were different and realise that you are who you are and if your friends didn't stick with you then it's their loss. You may feel lonely now, but better to be lonely than to be surrounded by fake friends who you can't be real around.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

Actually, it's not social anxiety. It's you. 

Is social anxiety someone whose been spreading rumors about you? Or have you not been keeping your friendships alive with effort?


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## ctbooty (Feb 1, 2015)

No That's exactly what social anxiety is. It's very hard to connect with people or stay connected. It's over whelming and something thats very hard to get over. I completely understand. The only thing I can recommend is trying to teach yourself that there's nothing be afraid of and that you are a good person who deserves good friends


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

quotestrange said:


> Actually, it's not social anxiety. It's you.
> 
> Is social anxiety someone whose been spreading rumors about you? Or have you not been keeping your friendships alive with effort?


I don't know where in OP's post you get the impression that it's him and not Social Anxiety. 
Like do you know anything about Social Anxiety.
Firstly it makes it hard to make friends in the first place, and even if you do make friends it makes it very hard to keep them.

I definitely would still have some of my friends if it weren't for social anxiety. For some reason whenever I get really close to someone, eventually I start getting those intruding thoughts telling me things like they don't really like me, and other stuff and gradually getting more and more anxious around them to the point that you don't even want to hang out with them anymore because you're so anxious and to the point that you can't even talk and laugh and be at least somewhat comfortable around them anymore, and they can tell that you've changed and of course who wants to be friends with someone who talking to them isn't even natural anymore and you feel like you're pulling teeth just to get this person to say anything worthwhile.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> I don't know where in OP's post you get the impression that it's him and not Social Anxiety.
> Like do you know anything about Social Anxiety.
> Firstly it makes it hard to make friends in the first place, and even if you do make friends it makes it very hard to keep them.
> 
> I definitely would still have some of my friends if it weren't for social anxiety. For some reason whenever I get really close to someone, eventually I start getting those intruding thoughts telling me things like they don't really like me, and other stuff and gradually getting more and more anxious around them to the point that you don't even want to hang out with them anymore because you're so anxious and to the point that you can't even talk and laugh and be at least somewhat comfortable around them anymore, and they can tell that you've changed and of course who wants to be friends with someone who talking to them isn't even natural anymore and you feel like you're pulling teeth just to get this person to say anything worthwhile.


AMEN.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> I don't know where in OP's post you get the impression that it's him and not Social Anxiety.
> Like do you know anything about Social Anxiety.
> Firstly it makes it hard to make friends in the first place, and even if you do make friends it makes it very hard to keep them.
> 
> I definitely would still have some of my friends if it weren't for social anxiety. For some reason whenever I get really close to someone, eventually I start getting those intruding thoughts telling me things like they don't really like me, and other stuff and gradually getting more and more anxious around them to the point that you don't even want to hang out with them anymore because you're so anxious and to the point that you can't even talk and laugh and be at least somewhat comfortable around them anymore, and they can tell that you've changed and of course who wants to be friends with someone who talking to them isn't even natural anymore and you feel like you're pulling teeth just to get this person to say anything worthwhile.


So you know the root of the problem, but you don't do anything about it. You yourself chose to be anxious. You yourself can find solutions to avoid these thoughts or in someway control them like try getting your mind off whats causing you to be anxious or insecure. Yet you complain and sit and whine that its your disorder when you could be doing something to alleviate your anxiety.

Whatever thoughts you have in your head cannot be seen by the outside viewer. But what they can see is the actions you choose to express. You can either display yourself as if nothing's wrong which can help not emphasize the problem or as someone who's afraid.

Besides, if they were your friends, why not ask for advice. You may think something's wrong, but your friend may say they have same insecurities as you do or might not even notice what have been troubling your mind and it was only you who stressed over nothing.

And also, all these unanswered questions in your head will never be answered unless you ask the person. If you never wanted an answer, why worry yourself with something that can affect you harmfully.

Sure posting on a forum to complain about your social anxiety can give you some emotional relief, but after turning off the screen, you still have that same social anxiety to cope with for another day, another story.


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## Charrr89 (Oct 23, 2011)

I had some amazing friends when I was a child, but when my Social Anxiety came in my early teens, I became a recluse, I couldn't handle being around people, I just wanted to be at home all the time and so, unfortunately, a lot of my childhood friends moved on and we've never had a chance to reconnect. 

My closest childhood friends were a brother and sister, the brother was a year younger than me and boy was I besotted with him! But unfortunately our parents fell out when were on holiday and we never really spoke and seen eachother so I've never known what could've happened between me and him, within the last year of our friendship I was very distant with him and his sister and they were so confused, but I think they got used to be not being around and their disappointment dwindled a little. I found out after our holiday and the years following that he liked me more than a friend too! Such a shame. I've talked to him occasionally since but there's no hope of any reconnecting as he's got a girlfriend who's expecting his baby soon. Sigh!

I've had to make new friends as I've got older but I always wonder 'what if' about so many of pre-existing friendships.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

quotestrange said:


> So you know the root of the problem, but you don't do anything about it. You yourself chose to be anxious. You yourself can find solutions to avoid these thoughts or in someway control them like try getting your mind off whats causing you to be anxious or insecure. Yet you complain and sit and whine that its your disorder when you could be doing something to alleviate your anxiety.
> 
> Whatever thoughts you have in your head cannot be seen by the outside viewer. But what they can see is the actions you choose to express. You can either display yourself as if nothing's wrong which can help not emphasize the problem or as someone who's afraid.
> 
> ...


First of all you literally don't know my life or me. I do not choose to be anxious. That is ridiculous. Why are you even on this forum? wtf. And second of all I do try to control and avoid negative thoughts... but unfortunately that's not how anxiety works... 
And your advice sucks btw.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> First of all you literally don't know my life or me. I do not choose to be anxious. That is ridiculous. Why are you even on this forum? wtf. And second of all I do try to control and avoid negative thoughts... but unfortunately that's not how anxiety works...
> And your advice sucks btw.


Where, oh where, did I say I knew your life?
And So maybe we can compromise on the fact that we do not choose anxiety, but we do choose our actions thatlll determine whether we'll make or break friendships.
Social anxiety can bring negative thoughts ti the mind more often,but it's not something you can't cope. You're letting social anxiety take over you and your life when you worry about it all the time. All I'm saying for the OP is to try to find solutions to conquer the thing that is keeping him from being social. But what I find so weak about him or her is that they are depending on you as if someone has taken their ability to speak and think to what I have to say.
And now you're telling me my advice sucks when you have nothing to offer? 
And how I don't know about your life? (which is a very defensive thing to say on your part)
Know that I have never walked on to your posts reading any of your backstories to advise you of anything and this was meant to be for the OP.
And I'm sorry if this offended you anyhow, but being on the Internet can hurt like you did to me.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

quotestrange said:


> Where, oh where, did I say I knew your life?
> And So maybe we can compromise on the fact that we do not choose anxiety, but we do choose our actions thatlll determine whether we'll make or break friendships.
> Social anxiety can bring negative thoughts ti the mind more often,but it's not something you can't cope. You're letting social anxiety take over you and your life when you worry about it all the time. All I'm saying for the OP is to try to find solutions to conquer the thing that is keeping him from being social. But what I find so weak about him or her is that they are depending on you as if someone has taken their ability to speak and think to what I have to say.
> And now you're telling me my advice sucks when you have nothing to offer?
> ...


At the end of the day, you do not need to say you know me or my life to be assuming that you do. Simply by saying this "Social anxiety can bring negative thoughts ti the mind more often,but it's not something you can't cope. You're letting social anxiety take over you and your life when you worry about it all the time" you are assuming you know mine or OPs life. You are assuming that we sit here and complain and don't take steps to cope and steps to control our anxiety. You're assuming that you know exactly what we did to lose friends. Also telling you that you'd don't know my life isn't defensive. I'm literally just letting you know that you can't possibly say what you're saying without knowing anything about me/us without any info on us besides that we have social anxiety.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

I never had many friends to start off with and at least half of those I was never really that close to. They were bound to drift away from me when I left school at 16. I did since find them again on Facebook but not one of them was bothered about remaining in touch after initially accepting my friend request(s).

My SA has prevented me from doing the ordinary thing of 'getting out there' and meeting people. I've let people come to me rather than go to them – simply because I'm too scared to and I hate rejection. To this day, I haven't made any friends since leaving school – and that's coming up for 14 years ago. I 'know' people who I work with, but they’re not exactly friends. As I don't have any friends any more, I have no reason to go out anywhere as I'd feel incredibly awkward sitting somewhere alone. 

My SA can't be solely to blame though. As I've explained in the past, I've had Arthritis from an early age. As a result, I couldn't really develop those Social skills with people of my own age as I couldn't spend much time with them due to the condition/pain I was in. By the time I was a teenager, I was completely and utterly out of my depth when it came to these Social skills. I was still very much a young child in a teenager's body in that respect. I probably gained two, maybe three friends in High School. Only one of which remained in contact for around two years after I'd left.

My former best friend was one of the first people I actually met way back in primary school. I do largely blame myself for the loss in contact. The last time I ever saw him face to face was when we had an argument in my house coming up for ten years ago. I can’t remember exactly what it was about but he was already drifting apart from me as far back as then and it was upsetting me. Cutting a long story short, I let him walk out of the house. To this day, I sincerely regret that meeting. It was 70/30 my fault and I have to hold my hands up to it. If I went after him or had some tact, we would have probably still been friends now and I highly doubt the mildly estranged relationship that followed as below. In my 'Top Three Life Mistakes' of all time, this is without any shadow of doubt one of them.

We did meet (online - Facebook) several years later and we did kind-of 'forgive and forget'. However by then he'd already moved on, had many more friends and even a girlfriend. In the meantime, nothing had changed for me – and still hasn't to this very day. We chatted occasionally to one another over it but it was clear I wasn't really considered a 'best' friend any more – which is what I feared was happening anyway… As time went by I've seen him (online in pictures, of course) get married and he now has a son. He's changed to the point where we have close to nothing in common any more. Over the past 18 months or so, he started to send a few interesting private messages. I won't go over the detail, but lets just say they were of things that he'd know would either irritate me or provoke some sort of negative reaction. I tried to side-step around these by trying to take him onto other subjects. I wasn't going to be lured into a trap. It's as if he was wanting another big fallout, only this time I really had done nothing wrong. In the end, I deactivated my Facebook account without saying anything. 

With that tie severed, that spelled the end for me to having any contact with anyone I used to know from school and indeed, my final so-called 'friend'.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Hayman said:


> I never had many friends to start off with and at least half of those I was never really that close to. They were bound to drift away from me when I left school at 16. I did since find them again on Facebook but not one of them was bothered about remaining in touch after initially accepting my friend request(s).
> 
> My SA has prevented me from doing the ordinary thing of 'getting out there' and meeting people. I've let people come to me rather than go to them - simply because I'm too scared to and I hate rejection. To this day, I haven't made any friends since leaving school - and that's coming up for 14 years ago. I 'know' people who I work with, but they're not exactly friends. As I don't have any friends any more, I have no reason to go out anywhere as I'd feel incredibly awkward sitting somewhere alone.
> 
> ...


I lost my best friend in A similar way too. We never got into a fight though, we just gradually drifted apart. I'm definitely to blame for the drift though. He was one of my only friends from middle school throughout high school. I was always very distant and didn't talk much, despite the fact that I had known him for years. Eventually we just drifted apart. He now goes to a very prestigious university in Massachusetts (MIT) and has made lots of new friends and even a girlfriend. Compared to me who has made no progress in that department (friends, girlfriend).


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