# Feeling like you are bothering people?



## wxcwman (Jul 7, 2010)

Do your friends ever say that you bother them? Like by overtexting or just being annoying in general?


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

I don't have any close friends now, or people I can call "friends", but when I used to have them, no they wouldn't say I was being annoying or clingy, but I probably knew I was, without them telling me anything.

I learned, that I'd rather be alone than having bad company.
If i'm gonna be surrounded by people, better be good friends.


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## BuzzAldrin (Jun 20, 2010)

:no 
I dont have any friends that Im close enough with to text. 
But they're are people i talk to on msn, i just dont ever say 'hi' first because i feel like Im bothering them. :| So i rarely talk to them.


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## EYB (Jun 20, 2010)

No one has ever had the bottle to tell me that I'm bothering them or being over needy, I have thought it a thousand times though, maybe a thousand x another thousand.

What I have noticed though, was when I was at my worst- and my social paranoia was at it's best ( or worst depending on how you look at it) I would find that my calls wouldn't get answered, and that when they did they were always followed with an excuse - sorry it's taken me a year to get back to you yada yada yada.:afr

So even me - I got the hint.

But it's different for everyone and sometimes looking out for those subtle cues can be difficult. They are there of course in hindsight, but the trick would be to see them before they become a problem.


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## origami potato (Jan 9, 2010)

E93 said:


> :no
> I dont have any friends that Im close enough with to text.
> But they're are people i talk to on msn, i just dont ever say 'hi' first because i feel like Im bothering them. :| So i rarely talk to them.


This is the same reason I don't call people, because I feel like I'm a bother. (I have no life, but they certainly do) So I normally wait for someone to call me first, even my family members. I mean, they're the only ones that do call me anymore anyhow. I have one old (non-online) friend, but I only speak to him like, once every 2 months? *sigh*


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## Mister Mxyzptlk (Feb 13, 2010)

I bore all my 'friends', they never say it directly to me but i can read the 'please go away' sign written all over their facial expressions everytime i kill any conversation.


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## FreakCard (Jul 3, 2010)

I don't have close friends. But I really think that I am bothering them. They have many friends. I sometimes try to write a message but I usually don't get any answer. People text me when they want something. I learned not to answer back or just answer politely I don't have time. And also if I have someone to talk to I fear to write because I feel that Iam just boring to people and I will again spoilt the conversation.Sometimes I fear to ask for help too because I think I am a bother.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

No, but I feel like I bother everyone anyway.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Many years ago, a friend said I was bothering her by starting IM conversations when she was often on to talk to someone else and didn't really want to talk to me. So I haven't started convos with her in about 6 or 7 years, I just let her start them all, and it still works somehow. The lesson of that, I suppose, is that their being bothered doesn't mean they don't value you or don't want to stay friends.


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## Use Your Illusion (Apr 10, 2008)

Nobody has ever told me this, but I think it all the time. I do most of the things that people have said in here,

Sign into MSN, see people online but don't start a conversation with them.
Send messages to people over Facebook and get no response.
Text my friends, maybe asking them if they want to go to a movie, or some other question I actually want an answer to, and then either get no response or have to wait days for one. This is especially annoying if I see said friend(s) on Facebook that same day updating their satuses with their phone, so I know they have read my message.

I just feel clingy and annoying in general because I only have a handful of friends I actually want to hang out with, but they obviously have many more people to spend their time with.


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## millyxox (Dec 18, 2009)

I always fell that way.Like sometimes I want to ask my friends to go watch a movie or just go to the park and they would just say no.Some of my friends have SA too,that's why some of them don't wanna hang out.I always get rejected and it hurts alot.I hate it.


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## Kay T (Jun 7, 2010)

No one says that I'm bothering them but I certainly feel that my presence is annoying to others.


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## Erizal (Apr 20, 2010)

I usually just naturally assume that I am being a pest. :|


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## dullard (Aug 4, 2008)

Well, I don't text frequently or do anything overtly annoying but I always get the feeling that I am bothering people the people I am conversing with or hanging out with.


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## MaddyRose (Dec 25, 2009)

I get that feeling often, like I'm being too clingy or needy. I need to make a conscious effort to give my friends some space and not pester them. It kind of stems from my insecurities...I'll ask them questions repeatedly, I'll stick too close to them when I'm around unfamiliar people, stuff like that.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

A lot of times I feel like I am bothering people. I just try to ignore it because I know it's usually not true;


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## societe anonyme (Dec 12, 2009)

My few friends are far too polite, but despite that, I always feel like I intrude by initiating a conversation, face to face, by MSN, phone or other means...


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## More Peace (Jul 8, 2010)

Do you text them with info they don't care about? I know one women who would text people about the sores on her feet.

I try to socialize with my friends with things I believe they will care about and enjoy. Add value to their life.


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## wxcwman (Jul 7, 2010)

More Peace said:


> Do you text them with info they don't care about? I know one women who would text people about the sores on her feet.
> 
> I try to socialize with my friends with things I believe they will care about and enjoy. Add value to their life.


 Nah its more the fact that I tend to freak out if they don't reply in so and so time. That's just gross... ^


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## loveblindseyes (Jul 11, 2010)

I never call, text or make plans with friends because I always think I'm going to bother them. I usually just wait until they call/ask if I want to do something and that doesn't happen very often!


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

Well yeah i do feel i bother people. It also depends on the person, some people make you feel you are bothering them.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Oh yes, i always jump to conclusions that i'm bothering people around me, and ironically i love being in good company, i don't like to be alone, but something always triggers my paranoia that i bother close friends and then i become distant *sighs*


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

The opposite. I think I am bothering them when communicating, but they've only ever turned out to be bothered I don't do it enough. I've a history of people telling me they enjoy my company, friendship, and so on, yet not demonstrating that because they push me away, so maybe I am annoying. They'd never have the guts to admit it. It's most likely not annoyance, though, but something about me ... autism.


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## sidman172 (Jul 20, 2012)

there is this girl i really like and we use to talk but now we just say whats up or wyd and stop talking. i text her and say hey and she might not reply so ill wait a while and say it again she doesnt reply again so i fell like i bother her. she use to get mad when we never talked and now she doent care


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## beccaboo33 (Jul 18, 2012)

I've only ever had someone tell me I was bothering them once, but I almost always feel like I am bothering the people I talk to so hearing someone outright admit it to me was a real horrible blow. I almost always feel like I am bothering others when I call, which is one of the big reasons why I get so anxious and avoid calling people or wait until they talk to me.

However, when people ignore my texts (messages, IMs, etc.) or take forever to reply, it usually doesn't bother me as much as when they answer in a way that obviously says "I don't want to talk to you". In my opinion I'd rather just be ignored.


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## TJenkins602 (Jul 18, 2012)

One of the reasons I keep mostly to myself is that I feel like I'm a bother to many others. Unfortunately, this also makes me look suspicious. (A lot of people that go on sudden murdering sprees are described as quiet and lonesome).


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## vanillasky (Jul 21, 2012)

I think most people are too polite to call out on someone 'being a bother' as they would come across as passive-agressive or the bad person.


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## TexasMedicine (Jan 2, 2012)

Wow, amazing how common our behaviour is among all on this thread - I pretty much concur with everything said.

I never used to initiate with one person I knew, until I'd known them for maybe a year. Once I started to initiate, I slowly became more annoying to them - they were never explicit that I was annoying, just little things they did trying to distance themselves from me.


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

I gather up my courage and asked once. My friend said , i don't bother him, he simply wants to be alone.
I refrain taking initiative to talk first to this particular friend ever since. (i'm afraid i will be a real bother)


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

I am always asking my best friend if she is home and wants to met up, she never really is so now I stopped asking to met up as I am afraid of bother her too much. I don't see her often at all now


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## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

I usually respond, but I find it hard to initiate. Even on this site I feel strange sending PMs unless I know the person likes me, I feel less weird about VMs. Unlike a few years ago when I would send random and drunk texts to people. :roll I feel isolated sometimes, but I survive and I'm happy.


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## vholer (Jul 21, 2012)

Having this feeling is something I need to overcome, because last night I schedule with my friend to go to the movies at 7 p.m. to watch something. When I was leaving home I didn't call him to not bother him and when I was already there he calls me to notify that he couldn't go that time, but he would go at 8:30... So I had to wait 1 hour and a half, doing nothing


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## SkipToTheEnd (Sep 14, 2010)

I'm sure some people find me annoying. I'm a bit stupid, though, so I'm not even aware of it unless it's _very_ obvious (e.g. they're ignoring me, telling me outright that they find me annoying).


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## cricklewood (Jun 9, 2012)

I got told to go away before!!


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## Snarks (Jul 8, 2012)

Erizal said:


> I usually just naturally assume that I am being a pest. :|


Same here.


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## DS29790bb (Dec 31, 2011)

Yeah, this is a huge problem for me. 

I never chat anyone on Facebook for fear that they just don't wanna talk to me.

I rarely make plans with people because I am scared that they will just fail and people would think it's boring. So I just wait to get invited out.

With girls, I wait til they make a suggestion of what we should do because there is so much pressure with them. That's probably why I can never get a girlfriend.....I'm not confident and want them to always make the first move.

And just recently, I decided to update my references for my job search and I hate asking for them because I feel it's a bother for them to possibly answer my email and maybe take some time to answer a phone call about me. Went through a lot of anxiety over that, and two still haven't responded.

But this year, I am striving to change that when I head back to school.


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

This is a constant fear of mine. It doesn't help that I hang around with people who are not too social themselves either.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

All the time. Because there are people who constantly pester and bug me. It makes me wonder if I am that way in the eyes of others.


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## Losm (Jan 23, 2011)

I don't think I'm needy, pretty much the opposite, which is probably annoying in itself.

One of my biggest problems is that I usually wait for people to initiate things because I'm worried that I'd be bothering them if I asked them to meet up or something. I avoid initiating things in most scenarios really. Almost as if I'm not as worthy of their time as someone else who might ask. It's sad because people end up thinking I don't care or want to see them when I really do. 
I know it's stupid, and it's definitely something I need to change if I want to keep making progress. 

Something that I know bothers people is that I'm constantly apologising for silly things :b ah well. Depresses me even writing this because I never used to be this way.


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## Warum (Feb 1, 2015)

Paul said:


> Many years ago, a friend said I was bothering her by starting IM conversations when she was often on to talk to someone else and didn't really want to talk to me. So I haven't started convos with her in about 6 or 7 years, I just let her start them all, and it still works somehow. The lesson of that, I suppose, is that their being bothered doesn't mean they don't value you or don't want to stay friends.


Sorry bro but I don't totally agree with you, when you really value someone you you just avoid anything that would harm their feelings, as I said not "try to avoid" when you say try, it means that there is still some doubt of the value and importance of this person in your life, to sum it up actions speak louder than words.


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## Warum (Feb 1, 2015)

Warum said:


> Sorry bro but I don't totally agree with you, when you really value someone you you just avoid anything that would harm their feelings, as I said not "try to avoid" when you say try, it means that there is still some doubt of the value and importance of this person in your life, to sum it up actions speak louder than words.


 There are two possibilities either they don't value you or they're just treating you as a safe bet and not expecting you to get tired of their BS, or in a really rare case, it's just that they're like you they don't like to take the initiative and afraid of rejection as well.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

Well I know I'm annoying af, so I try not to overtext (I only have one person I text atm) but when I do I can feel it and then I try not to text them for a week even if there's something I really want to tell them. 

When I was younger - elementary & middle school - I was always always always told I was annoying and talked too much. Actually even in high school I had two really close friends and so they also told me I talk too much but with everyone else I was quiet. Still to this day I talk too much, and even when I'm writing posts on sites like these I can feel that I am saying the absolute most, and so sometimes I like try to edit things and take things out that I think are completely necessary to be included, but probably unnecessary to everyone else.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

I always felt that I bothering people, so I always stayed passive. Then some people complained why I never call and asked if I don't like them.


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## Ellazona (Jan 22, 2015)

Since i'm so aware of what i do, say and and so on, i don't really bother people... or yeah when i'm drunk they can sometimes say that i'm acting retarded but other than that never


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