# I hate it when people say you dont need a girlfriend



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I hate it when people say to me you don't need a girlfriend or enjoy being single. That's easy for them to say, they probably had a girlfriend or two in high school, been on numerous dates, had sex, etc... Meanwhile, I'm 21 years old and still a virgin, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, never even been on a date and people tell me don't go looking for a girlfriend. Unbelievable. 

People say oh you don't need a girlfriend, yet everybody wants a relationship, and a bucket load of people are getting married. So their point is invalid. 

Of course I need a girlfriend because I don't want to be 25 and still never been on a date in my life. I need the experience, i'm so lonely its killing me inside. A girlfriend will solve my problems because for once in my life, I will actually feel complete and know what it's like to be loved by someone other than my parents. 


So don't tell me enjoy being single when almost everybody wants a relationship, wants sex, wants love etc... I'm not going to listen to people who give me that don't get a girlfriend bull****.


I can enjoy being single but only after I get my girlfriend. Okay?


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## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

Hey Dark Horse.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I felt the same at times when I was in my early 20's and was so sexually frustrated... well, you get it. It's not even all about the sex though (probably something else people tell you that pisses you off). Just human touch is so important and a truly honest emotional and thoughtful connection is way more valuable than an orgasm.

I heard all the same things as you did from friends and the people I worked with. I think in 2008, there were about 5 or 6 women in my life that I really liked, but the timing was bad or we didn't have the right chemistry, etc. I was focused on only finding a sexual relationship that I didn't have sex that year. I was so I frustrated that I literally punched a hole in the wall. Eventually I focused my life on other things and for the summer of 2009 I was more sexually active than in my entire previous life combined.

I don't have an answer man. I think part of it is just hormones because most 21,22 year olds are hardwired to procreate (both men and women feel this way at times). The most helpful advice I ever got was from the movie _the 40 year-old virgin_. "Women aren't goddesses with tits, they're people with tits.

Nothing that is said will take your feelings away. Keep in mind though that if you want to be comfortable having sex with a woman and you want her to be comfortable too (so you both enjoy it) then you need to accept who and where you are in life. Just like you won't become friends with many of the guys you meet everyday likewise a lot of the women you meet or go out on a date with won't become your girlfriend.

The only thing that helps me is to remember that regardless of what the problem might be, the only way to make it in this world is to work hard. With what many of us go through, you have to work hard. So spend some time and energy on yourself. If you're unhappy with your life, then slowly work to fix it one step at a time, nice and steady at whatever pace is best for you.

Last month I was out of my mind manic and I was hallucinating and depressed, then too scared to go outside. I kept working to get my sleep, medications, diet, exercise, hygiene, etc. dialed in to stay level. I decided that this is it, I'm not going to give up and regress back to how I was before. I cannot control this mental illness, but when I am sane I remind myself that I am like everyone else and time keeps flying by and I need to just look forward, no matter what it looks like.

I have a date with a former girlfriend in a couple days and I'm looking forward to it. Not for sex but because I really enjoy being around her and I am confident that she likes me too.

I have a brother your age man. I am so sorry to say this but a lot of your frustration is due to circumstances that are out of your hands. Breathe deep, wash your face with some cold water and look in the mirror try to like the face that is looking back at you. The saying is true that you need to love yourself if you want to be loved by others. Don't obsess but do prepare. Luck as they say is when opportunity meets preparation. i think that the same applies to "getting lucky."


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Not everyone feels the need to have a spouse, but it's always aggravating when others try to tell you what you want or need.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I hope you don't feel this is what I was saying when I responded to your other thread. Some people feel they need a relationship in order to be happy, some don't. I don't question, I'm not in their shoes.

The only thing I questioned was whether getting a relationship would solve ALL your problems as you said it would, especially your social anxiety issues, since you seemed to have such issues _before_ you wanted to interact with women (that was how your post was phrased, maybe I'm wrong). In fact it seems like it might cause some new problems. If you're so painfully anxious of interacting with women, how can you hope to gain benefits from a relationship with one?--at least with the way your anxiety is currently? *You'd be living every single day in the most anxiety-inducing situation possible--having to constantly interact with a woman in a romantic manner.*

It just seems like, anxiety first, relationship later, would be a better approach.

Anyway I did not mean to step on toes. :/

ETA, did not see this part at first:



xxDark Horse said:


> A girlfriend will solve my problems because for once in my life, I will actually feel complete and know what it's like to be loved by someone other than my parents.


Not only do I feel you're in for a rude awakening should you get a girlfriend and expect all this to happen, but you're putting far too much burden on the potential GF's shoulders by making her entirely responsible for your happiness...people tend to resent that.  We aren't Atlas. Nobody is perfect or strong enough to hold up to such a standard.

If this is what you're expecting out of a relationship, you're going to be badly let down.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

xxDark Horse said:


> I hate it when people say to me you don't need a girlfriend or enjoy being single.
> 
> So don't tell me enjoy being single when almost everybody wants a relationship, wants sex, wants love etc... I'm not going to listen to people who give me that don't get a girlfriend bull****.
> 
> I can enjoy being single but only after I get my girlfriend. Okay?


 Well, it's entirely up to you but the fact of the matter is that it's something that you can't make happen. And frankly, the more angry and depressed and bitter you are about it, the more unattractive you're going to be (unless you're good at hiding it).

I personally don't think people who think the way you do will ever be happy. Because you don't know how to just accept that there are things you simply can't change RIGHT NOW.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I hope you find a girl that makes you feel good about yourself because having a gf with low self-esteem or other issues will cause major problems.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

They are just trying to put you in a better mindset. 21 is still young, and as long as you're putting in an effort the odds are good that you'll find someone. Don't let others judgments have a negative affect on you.


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## Marre (Nov 23, 2011)

I think in general, we focus too much on age and put this immense pressure on ourselves. "Oh I'm this age now, I should have this by now and in 5 years I definitely should have that and be doing that" etc. I definitely understand that it's frustrating, I know exactly where you're coming from, but in the end it's a pattern of thinking that is just so pointless and damaging. Let go of the stigmas of society and think okay, I have a certain amount of goals. What is the best I can do now to achieve them, rather than to sit and bash yourself for not being where you wanna be right now. 

"A girlfriend will solve my problems because for once in my life, I will actually feel complete and know what it's like to be loved by someone other than my parents." I thought this way too when I was around your age and I met my first girlfriend when I was 20. Although I felt like that in the beginning, the relationship gradually slipped out of my hands because I didn't take care of myself and I put all this pressure on her, to be my one source of happiness. Finding someone you love and loves you back is a truly magical feeling, but If I could give some advice it would be not to put all your hope and trust that if you just find someone your life will be complete, even if I definitely understand what you mean. 

Get yourself in a position where you can appreciate yourself and feel like you can be a person that someone would want to be around. Then this is a cliché by now but be yourself, and try to show interest in the person you're dating as much as possible. 

Have you tried meeting people online? I heard on a podcast that 1/3 relationships today start out from online dating. Personally I think it's a way better way to talk and eventually meet people than meet someone out on the town.

Good luck to you man, be kind to yourself!


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

Is it guys telling you this?? I get older females and family members that i should be looking for a girlfriend truth is i would not have a clue where to start at the age of 24 i left school at 15 so i missed out on the social skills of talking to girls (and a good education) when i was 17 i worked out i would never be in a relationship so i delete all the pictures off my computer of models dumped $400 worth of magazines (not porn they are called "zoo") and started studying about cars anytime i think of a girl i think of cars i work for them now so that how i deal with it and yes the loniness gets to me but i try and focus my mind on cars and it works 80% of the time


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Brutal truth is you might as well take the advice and learn to be happy while single, because if you're a man with SA you're looking at staying single for a long, long time. It's not even worth trying honestly, if you want to date women just give up, they think we're creepy and boring. Nothing drys up a vagina faster than saying you get nervous meeting new people :roll Let those women go date their *******s, maybe one day when you're in your late 30's and the women are no longer being pursued because they're older and have kids, you'll have a shot.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

TAruba said:


> I think part of it is just hormones because most 21,22 year olds are hardwired to want to fuk.


Well all these hormones make me incredibly horny and lonely.

And being horny and lonely is not a good combination to have.


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## uglyaznboi72 (Jan 10, 2016)

"I hate it when people say to me you don't need a girlfriend or enjoy being single."


how funny, i actually hate it when people ask me if i have a girlfriend yet? why are you still single? LOL 

i'd love to be ugly and single and lonely for the rest of my life and be a mother****ing ****ty troll forever


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## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

A lot of great replies in this thread. 

Like other have said,

Help yourself (anxiety) first,
then move onto forming relationships.

I spent about five years working to overcome some problems in life. I needed all my energy to patch myself up well enough to be happy with life and myself again. I was alone the entire time and there were/are only about 3-4 people in my life total. Girlfriend or no, just remember how incredibly fortunate you are to be living and have so much in life already. 

My point is, it is too hard to fix yourself from the ground up and have a girlfriend at the same time, at least that has been my experience. It's life and the clouds will part, the sun will shine through.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Brutal truth is you might as well take the advice and learn to be happy while single, because if you're a man with SA you're looking at staying single for a long, long time. It's not even worth trying honestly, if you want to date women just give up, they think we're creepy and boring. Nothing drys up a vagina faster than saying you get nervous meeting new people :roll Let those women go date their *******s, maybe one day when you're in your late 30's and the women are no longer being pursued because they're older and have kids, you'll have a shot.


So, so, so true.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Don't worry man, your time will come.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

I totally identify. For various reasons--one of which was my family moving when I was in the last half year of high school--and I was the oldest of 8 and they couldn't afford college, I had to work for those years when I should have been getting experience with women. In fact, I went to Catholic School that split boys from girls in 6th grade. Then i went to all boys high shool. While I did manage to have some female attention before the move but not sex yet, I would up suffering with all kinds of sell doubt because nothing happened until I was 25. I asked out on my job at 22 and SHE QUIT and never came back. That killed my ego. So, by all means you are right to want to get situated with a g/f at your age. The older you get the more you get willing to settle too and you start meeting problem women who couldn't sustain relationships and tend to blame or shapegoat everyone else. That was the story of my life. And I should have--by all rights--been swimming in quim--loving and being loved.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

jsgt said:


> Don't worry man, your time will come.


True but only to a certain extent.

Yes it's true that at my age, woman easily trump men in terms of prospects and they overall find dating/getting laid easier compared to men my age. Women usually mature faster than men do whether that's physically, mentally, emotional wise, and yes beauty too. For men their peak attractiveness is older.

But in terms of aging, I think women age better than men as they get older. Take my mom for instance, she's 50 and doesn't look old. My dad is the same age and he definitely looks older. A part of that reason is just because women tend to color their hair? Women look better as they get older I think.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

xxDark Horse said:


> True but only to a certain extent.
> 
> Yes it's true that at my age, woman easily trump men in terms of prospects and they overall find dating/getting laid easier compared to men my age. Women usually mature faster than men do whether that's physically, mentally, emotional wise, and yes beauty too. For men their peak attractiveness is older.
> 
> But in terms of aging, I think women age better than men as they get older. Take my mom for instance, she's 50 and doesn't look old. My dad is the same age and he definitely looks older. A part of that reason is just because women tend to color their hair? Women look better as they get older I think.


Yeah, there are always exceptions. I've seen some really good looking older women, so that saying(women age like milk) is definitely not meant to be a blanket statement. As for the majority though...I think men age better. 
Anyway, all I was trying to say was to keep your hopes up and not let this get you down. Easier said than done, trust me I know.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would bet they are talking about bad experiences and the issues that come with relationships.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

you don't need a girlfriend.


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## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

I hate to use the "B" word when talking about lovely women but these are a couple reminders that not having a lady by your side makes you cool

Think of Tupac, MOB (Money Over **tches) That is how I always thought in high school because I rarely had a girlfriend. It worked, I saved over $6k throughout about a year of school, working and being frugal on the side.

Also 50 Cent, "I got 99 problems a **tch ain't one"


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Make darn sure that you really will feel better with a relationship.
I've been studying the subject for over a decade now, and all of my scientifically correct experiments have turned a positive result -for me-.

It's important that you don't fantasize about it because it's in some form of media that you idealize.
It's important that you don't make yourself feel this way because it is how someone else feels.

Also to those who think it's a huge and unreasonable burden on the gf, you should take your own expectations into perspective. The gf typically puts a lot more burden on the bf, and seems to neurotically fear accepting any sort of imposed burden as such.
In the case of a partner making one's life complete, I argue that it is no burden at all. It is the same as if you were the water, and your partner were the food coloring. When you combine, your water will become colored. Once your water is colored, your life is complete, and the food coloring just has to be willing to stick around in order to maintain the mixture.

There aren't really many reasonable relationships out there in real life. It's not reasonable to depend on a partner for your financial happiness or to leave all of the child raising work to your partner or to expect your partner to just know how you feel without doing anything, but those are the most common relationship expectations.
So whether or not your fantasy partner is real, don't let people bash your dream, because other people have it, even if it's unreasonable, the majority of people are in it, and they really really like it despite it being so unrealistic.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Years ago my brother told me that I had the right idea of staying single. He said that when he had just gotten married. He's experienced what it's like being in relationships and I've never have. I doubt he would have wanted to be in my position. 

Now he's been married for almost 12 years and not long ago he said that I've missed out in not getting married and having a family.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

I think some of them chose incorrect words. I've always thought that having a girlfriend or boyfriend is very healthy, but isn't something urgent. Optimizing your life is always top priority, even if it takes you a therapist. I spent an entire year doing therapy, and it did help at some point. After that, I've had very peaceful months, and I've a had some chances to date. The point is, like many say, after you've improved your life, people will come to your life more easily.

Well of course this is just my experience.


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## lost wanderer (Dec 20, 2015)

Well I agree with them, but I get your point. People shouldn't tell you what you need or not whether they are right or wrong. 

The reason why I don't think I need one is because I already had one and there is a lot of things that I thought would get solve that never ended up being solved. To me having a gf is a bonus in my life, but not a priority. I'm not miserable without one.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Everyone wants relationship, be close to someone, having someone to trust etc. Those who say "i don't need one or **** like that" are faking it.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Brutal truth is you might as well take the advice and learn to be happy while single, because if you're a man with SA you're looking at staying single for a long, long time. It's not even worth trying honestly, if you want to date women just give up, they think we're creepy and boring. Nothing drys up a vagina faster than saying you get nervous meeting new people :roll Let those women go date their *******s, maybe one day when you're in your late 30's and the women are no longer being pursued because they're older and have kids, you'll have a shot.


Lol sadly its happening to me already but i have dignity not to let some used up girl come to me after the cabrones beat her up. I aint going to settle and just let be stubborn as a mule.


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## aralez (Jan 16, 2016)

tehuti88 said:


> It just seems like, anxiety first, relationship later, would be a better approach.


^^^^^^

Or at least friendship first, relationship later. You say only your parents have ever loved you - why don't you go for a close friendship first? That's someone to love you, but it's less stressful and difficult to form than a romantic relationship. Still very hard (to me it is anyway) but better than a girlfriend/boyfriend.



Overdrive said:


> Everyone wants relationship, be close to someone, having someone to trust etc. Those who say "i don't need one or **** like that" are faking it.


Not always true, romantic intimacy makes me feel a little sick. I can't tell if this is just a phase for me or what but it makes me super, super nervous so for now I will happily avoid it. Aiming for friendships first.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

CopadoMexicano said:


> Lol sadly its happening to me already but i have dignity not to let some used up girl come to me after the cabrones beat her up. I aint going to settle and just let be stubborn as a mule.


Well I guess it's a choice between your principles and your loneliness, if it makes you happier to stay single than to date someone like that then that's your choice. I am worried about becoming cynical like that in the future. I don't know if I'd be able to love a woman who would have coldly rejected me when we were younger and she had options.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

jsgt said:


> Yeah, there are always exceptions. I've seen some really good looking older women, so that saying(women age like milk) is definitely not meant to be a blanket statement. As for the majority though...I think men age better.
> Anyway, all I was trying to say was to keep your hopes up and not let this get you down. Easier said than done, trust me I know.


Nah they don't, men are just valued for things other than physical appearence by society, and by most women, and usually don't put as much effort in to start with, so people don't notice/care.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

jsgt said:


> Yeah, there are always exceptions. I've seen some really good looking older women, so that saying(women age like milk) is definitely not meant to be a blanket statement. As for the majority though...I think men age better.
> Anyway, all I was trying to say was to keep your hopes up and not let this get you down. Easier said than done, trust me I know.





Persephone The Dread said:


> Nah they don't, men are just valued for things other than physical appearence by society, and by most women, and usually don't put as much effort in to start with, so people don't notice/care.


I don't think it's meant that men look better when they're older, but that they're more attractive as a whole when they get older, while the opposite happens for women. Meaning men get an education, career, car, house, etc. and this is attractive. Women get older, have children, lose their sex drives, etc. and this makes them less desirable on the whole; though even if they don't, women are absurdly picky so they're competing for the top fraction of men, competing with women younger than them. This isn't super great for guys here though, since that obviously depends on you actually getting a career and saving money, rather than letting depression and anxiety cause you to be employed sporadically and blow all your money on alcohol to self medicate. It's also not helpful for guys here since even with all those qualities women won't even give you a chance if you don't have the charisma and charm to cause attraction.


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## IHaveProblems (May 4, 2016)

You don't NEED a girlfriend but instead WANT one. You can live happily single


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

What a load of crap some of these comments are. Talking **** about one gender and defending their own. Stop that.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

Same here. A relationship is something I've always wanted to experience. It's like everyone has gone to the Caribbean at least once in their life, but I probably never will get that chance. However, they're saying it's okay never to go there (even though they had a great time for the most part).

For me, a girlfriend would be like winning the lottery in social terms. I would still be me, it wouldn't fix all my problems but I'd feel a lot better in my outlook towards life and people in general. I can't fix my anxiety towards dating and women anyway so there is no point except to follow other pursuits and not give a ***** about anything since life is essentially meaningless without social relationships. Onwards and upwards.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Brutal truth is you might as well take the advice and learn to be happy while single, because if you're a man with SA you're looking at staying single for a long, long time. It's not even worth trying honestly, if you want to date women just give up, they think we're creepy and boring. Nothing drys up a vagina faster than saying you get nervous meeting new people :roll Let those women go date their *******s, maybe one day when you're in your late 30's and the women are no longer being pursued because they're older and have kids, you'll have a shot.


Always typing the truth.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Batcat said:


> I can't fix my anxiety towards dating and women anyway so there is no point except to follow other pursuits and not give a ***** about anything since life is essentially meaningless without social relationships. Onwards and upwards.


Yep.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

This intense loneliness is exhausting for my mental health. 

Come this June, i'm just going to message every single girl I match with on Tinder, message a bunch of girls on OKC, and POF. I want to go on one date. I mean even if it goes really badly and it turns out to be really sht, at least I can say that I went on a date. 

I'm just fuking tired of not going anywhere with women. I need to change.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> This intense loneliness is exhausting for my mental health.
> 
> Come this June, i'm just going to message every single girl I match with on Tinder, message a bunch of girls on OKC, and POF. I want to go on one date. I mean even if it goes really badly and it turns out to be really sht, at least I can say that I went on a date.
> 
> I'm just fuking tired of not going anywhere with women. I need to change.


Your best option is to forget about women.

Trust me.. I was just like you.

It lead me no where but me wanting to kill myself due to not winning at anything. I gained nothing but wasted time and self harming thoughts flowing in the back of my head.

You don't want to reach that point.

Just give up and focus on hobbies and other interests that do not involve the opposite sex.

Guys like us with severe Social Anxiety will never experience relationships be it romantic or whatever...

You need to accept this fact.

I'm sorry.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It's tough but don't give up, If I had given up then I would still be single, it took me 28 years but eventually the hard work and persistence paid off. It's important to concentrate on other goals in your life though because it's success in other things which helps build your confidence and self worth which makes you a more attractive prospect. You can't offer nothing and expect people to find it desirable.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Even when I did have success and was happy, I still had no success with women because I was scared, because I didn't know how the dating game worked. I was too scared to talk to women. 

It was only when I was 20 years old and started to actively pursue talking to women and trying online dating that I started getting rejected. One by one, they all ended up ghosting me eventually. I can't emotionally handle being constantly rejected, it makes me feel like sht! 

I'm sorry for all of this negativity, I haven't been myself lately and I need a place to express how I truely feel. I beat myself up too much.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Seeing as most relationships either collapse or lead into a marriage that will eventually collapse or stagnate, I don't feel like I'm missing out on much.


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## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

No need to have an attitude about hating when people say you don't need a girlfriend. 
I'm just like you. Never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed, never had sex{No sex before marriage} 

Having a girlfriend will not solve your damn problems. It may not even make you complete. That is a really bad way in summoning it up. Its life. Life ain't gonna give you what you think you need. Heck I need a job but it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So zip it and be patient and put your attention on other matters.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

AussiePea said:


> It's tough but don't give up, If I had given up then I would still be single, it took me 28 years but eventually the hard work and persistence paid off. It's important to concentrate on other goals in your life though because it's success in other things which helps build your confidence and self worth which makes you a more attractive prospect. You can't offer nothing and expect people to find it desirable.


 @xxDark Horse

This is good advice. Work on yourself and get your life going before considering a relationship.

Also like he said, don't give up mate.


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## Explorer5 (May 25, 2016)

People are right in that having a girlfriend won't solve everything. Like me--I have a chronic illness and even the most attractive and sweetest girlfriend wouldn't cure me of that.

For me, what meeting the right girl would solve is my feeling of running out of time, my fear that people are going to find me creepier and creepier as time goes on. This is the main source of anxiety in my life right now.

It's not sex I need so much as reassurance that I can still "taste the sweet honey of youth", so to speak--emotionally as well as physically. I'm attracted to women who are in what I referred to, in my other thread, as the "Bridge to Terabithia" phase of dating, who care more about imagination, exploration, self-discovery, etc. and haven't gotten to the point where worldly things like cars, money, houses, and even starting a family are dominating their mindset. 

While there is in principle no age limit to this, because it is really a question of value systems, I see less and less of this as I get older. Everything else in life moves forward--as time goes on I will have more knowledge, (hopefully) be respected more by others in my field (which happens to be science), etc. But this one thing--it's like I'm moving AWAY from being happy, rather than towards it.

So that is what meeting the right girl would fix--not my social skills, not my health (though with less anxiety, that may improve too). It has to be the right girl though--people who are divorced and going back into the dating scene finding me attractive actually makes my self-esteem WORSE.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Black As Day said:


> Having a girlfriend will not solve your damn problems. It may not even make you complete. That is a really bad way in summoning it up. Its life. Life ain't gonna give you what you think you need. Heck I need a job but it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So zip it and be patient and put your attention on other matters.


:yes


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## Danasi (May 14, 2016)

you don't need a girlfriend - you need a wife. ))
I am 24 virgin and I dont want be someones girl. I am cool and I spend time with one man or another, but I am christian. I will wait my right man and have with him kisses, sex etc. I felt lonely too, but we cant to satisfy all our desires right now.


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## Vanishing Dreams (May 17, 2016)

As much as I would like to have a gf and all, I do not think you need one. Need and want are two different things.


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## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

xxDark Horse said:


> I hate it when people say to me you don't need a girlfriend or enjoy being single. That's easy for them to say, they probably had a girlfriend or two in high school, been on numerous dates, had sex, etc... Meanwhile, I'm 21 years old and still a virgin, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, never even been on a date and people tell me don't go looking for a girlfriend. Unbelievable.
> 
> People say oh you don't need a girlfriend, yet everybody wants a relationship, and a bucket load of people are getting married. So their point is invalid.
> 
> ...


ya tell me about it, i'm 28 and sort of in your boat as well


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Andrew West said:


> ya tell me about it, i'm 28 and sort of in your boat as well


You might as well become a wizard.

Face and accept the fact that relationships weren't meant for guys like us.

3 more years will pass by fast.

Git gud and practice your spells.


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## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

My Hearse said:


> You might as well become a wizard.
> 
> Face and accept the fact that relationships weren't meant for guys like us.
> 
> ...


why do they call guys like us wizards?


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Andrew West said:


> why do they call guys like us wizards?


We are only apprentices my friend.

When we reach the milestone of having our 30th birthday with our virginity intact we will become Wizards.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

sexual / romantic people need relationships in their life. it's absolutely normal to need companionship / intimacy / sex. the folks that are telling you that you don't are trying to be supportive, but not in an effective way.



xxDark Horse said:


> A girlfriend will solve my problems because for once in my life, I will actually feel complete and know what it's like to be loved by someone other than my parents.


just, getting a partner won't solve all of your problems. that's a lot of pressure to put on her and you'll be disappointed when problems like anxiety and depression etc persist even if you get a girlfriend.  don't set yourself up like that man.

also i am 100% supportive of this thing where virgin guys are calling themselves wizards. :lol
is there a female equivalent??? not that i could use it but STILL


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

regimes said:


> also i am 100% supportive of this thing where virgin guys are calling themselves wizards. :lol
> 
> *is there a female equivalent???* not that i could use it but STILL


Enchantress maybe? >


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

I just saw this thread show back up on my sidebar and want to add this quick comment: Nobody knows what I need but me. The same applies to you as well!


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

My Hearse said:


> We are only apprentices my friend.
> 
> When we reach the milestone of having our 30th birthday with our virginity intact we will become Wizards.


May the Force be with you.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Enchantress maybe? >


YAS
i support this. :clap


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

regimes said:


> YAS
> i support this. :clap


I myself would probably consider myself to be a Sith Lord if I hit 30+ and still a virgin. Or whatever. >


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## Innerwolf (Jul 23, 2016)

uglyaznboi72 said:


> "I hate it when people say to me you don't need a girlfriend or enjoy being single."
> 
> how funny, i actually hate it when people ask me if i have a girlfriend yet? why are you still single? LOL
> 
> i'd love to be ugly and single and lonely for the rest of my life and be a mother****ing ****ty troll forever


How funny, because I get a mix of BOTH lmao  . I was always asked why I'm still single and when I said no they looked confused. Some of those same people later ask me again and say "oh you don't need one right now, focus on your studies and when you graduate and get yourself settled you'll find one".  :get

I don't always agree with people who say that. I don't think dating gets any easier when your out of school, where you'll find the widest range of girls ever in life. I've gone to bars and I'm convinced I'm not gonna meet someone there, I hate online dating, probably not going to be lucky to meet someone at work either. :fall


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## Innerwolf (Jul 23, 2016)

I totally feel you man. I haven't had a gf yet either. I used to feel the same way, and still do sometimes. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but like a lot of these SAS'ers are saying, a gf will not solve your problems. Unless you want to find yourself being in relationships that go nowhere just for the sake of being in a relationship, then you'll probably end up disappointed. It takes time to find something real. But hey, maybe just being in one will open your eyes to the reality of having a gf. You may hate it and realize it's not what you expected it to be. Or you might find something that lasts and grow from it. But right now you should focus on bettering YOU. Continue to dp that and you may meet a quality woman om the way. Don't let your desperation or self pity show or get the best of you. We'll make it one day man ???


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## Innerwolf (Jul 23, 2016)

Innerwolf said:


> I totally feel you man. I haven't had a gf yet either. I used to feel the same way, and still do sometimes. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but like a lot of these SAS'ers are saying, a gf will not solve your problems. Unless you want to find yourself being in relationships that go nowhere just for the sake of being in a relationship, then you'll probably end up disappointed. It takes time to find something real. But hey, maybe just being in one will open your eyes to the reality of having a gf. You may hate it and realize it's not what you expected it to be. Or you might find something that lasts and grow from it. But right now you should focus on bettering YOU. Continue to dp that and you may meet a quality woman om the way. Don't let your desperation or self pity show or get the best of you. We'll make it one day man ???


Didnt mean to put those question marks there lol


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## InTheWorldOfNiM (Oct 3, 2010)

TAruba said:


> I hate to use the "B" word when talking about lovely women but these are a couple reminders that not having a lady by your side makes you cool
> 
> Think of Tupac, MOB (Money Over **tches) That is how I always thought in high school because I rarely had a girlfriend. It worked, I saved over $6k throughout about a year of school, working and being frugal on the side.
> 
> Also 50 Cent, "I got 99 problems a **tch ain't one"


That's Jay Z who made that song, Not 50 Cent. lol


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## ATI (Aug 9, 2016)

I have not read most of the posts in this thread so I do not know what has and has not been said, but will state myself that part of the issue of feeling lonely and desperate for a relationship is a psychological: you are constantly told by society in general that you must be involved in a romantic relationship, and that if you are not, then it is _required_ that you feel lonely, dejected, depressed, down on yourself, suicidal.

The truth is, while you may _or_ may not feel happier in a relationship, that by not having one, it is not the end of the world, and you _do not_ have to feel any kind of way about not having one. You _do not_ have to allow this to control how you feel about yourself and about life in general.

The drive to have sex, though, is a totally different subject. There are ways to satisfy that outside of a committed relationship. [My apologies to those who have issues regarding casual sex, but sometimes you have to make choices.]


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I think you can say, yes, you may not _need_ one, but for sure having someone you can express romantic feelings to, and have those feelings reciprocated, really helps a person.

The opposite of that, never knowing what if feels like to have someone who cares about you that way, can be destructive to a person's core self esteem and quality of life.

Sadly the only advice given is to try try try, try again, suck it up and distract yourself, ignore your natural human feelings, or better yourself because you aren't good enough to have it in the first place.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

ATI said:


> I have not read most of the posts in this thread so I do not know what has and has not been said, but will state myself that part of the issue of feeling lonely and desperate for a relationship is a psychological: you are constantly told by society in general that you must be involved in a romantic relationship, and that if you are not, then it is _required_ that you feel lonely, dejected, depressed, down on yourself, suicidal.
> 
> The truth is, while you may _or_ may not feel happier in a relationship, that by not having one, it is not the end of the world, and you _do not_ have to feel any kind of way about not having one. You _do not_ have to allow this to control how you feel about yourself and about life in general.
> 
> The drive to have sex, though, is a totally different subject. There are ways to satisfy that outside of a committed relationship. [My apologies to those who have issues regarding casual sex, but sometimes you have to make choices.]


For me, it's just very hard to talk with girls my age in real life. All I can really say is hi how are you doing to girls at work but even that's hard to do sometimes.

It's hard for me to have any sort of meaningful conversation with a girl unless she's the one who initiates it and is persistent but that's rare. I have no problem talking to men at all, they see me as cool and funny, but no girl ever gets to see this because of my intense shyness.

And you can't get a girlfriend or casual sex if you can't even hold a conversation with a girl. It sucks to be a guy when you have to initiate every conversation!


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

rdrr said:


> The opposite of that, never knowing what if feels like to have someone who cares about you that way, can be destructive to a person's core self esteem and quality of life.


Amen brother,

iv'e been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately because of extreme loneliness and been having some intense meltdowns because I see waitresses laughing and socialising with the bus boys when it's so hard for me to even talk to girls. I go to the employees bathroom and turn the lights off and just sit there in the dark for 5 minutes and cry.

I just want a girl to come talk to me and try to get to know me, iv'e always wanted that.

My shyness and bitterness around girls is debilitating.

It was my last monday working there and I walked up to a waitress who said hi to me throughout the year and I said I'm Leaving This Saturday And I Just Wanted To Say Thank You For Talking To Me, You Have No Idea How Much That Mean't To Me.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Brutal truth is you might as well take the advice and learn to be happy while single, because if you're a man with SA you're looking at staying single for a long, long time. It's not even worth trying honestly, if you want to date women just give up, they think we're creepy and boring. Nothing drys up a vagina faster than saying you get nervous meeting new people :roll Let those women go date their *******s, maybe one day when you're in your late 30's and the women are no longer being pursued because they're older and have kids, you'll have a shot.


This post is golden.


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

I absolutely hate when some guy who's in a relationship tells me, "You don't know how good you've got it. I wish I was still single."

...Then dump the b*tch. It's that simple. Obviously, being in a relationship is better than being single, or else you'd have already left her. If you're one of those people who says that, stop lying.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

NoEgo said:


> I absolutely hate when some guy who's in a relationship tells me, "You don't know how good you've got it. I wish I was still single."
> 
> ...Then dump the b*tch. It's that simple. Obviously, being in a relationship is better than being single, or else you'd have already left her. If you're one of those people who says that, stop lying.


They honestly don't deserve a girlfriend if they say **** like that. And if she's that bad, and they're not just fronting, they should just break up with them like you say...


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Actually a lot of guys would be better off without a gf/wife but our hardcoded biology won't stop screaming for female feelz. So we end up signing up for all kind of freedom busting s***.
Lots of guys end up willing slaves unable to make any decisions without input from their estrogenic higher-up.


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

@funnynihilist is correct. A lot of guys could benefit from a more reflective single life rather than immediately rushing into a relationship.

It isn't 100% linear, sure some guys could possibly benefit from having a girlfriend, especially if they have never had one, but the opposite is true too.

I guess this is kind of moot since I have never had a girlfriend myself but I'm at a period in my life where the company of others while desired is just unattainable at this current juncture. Instead, I am focusing on myself as egocentric as that sounds and focusing on my mental health. Something having a girlfriend wouldn't automatically fix for me.

Also, a lot of guys really wind up with undesirable women due to the fact that their biological urges rushed them to engage with a physically attractive but intellectually dense or manipulative woman. If I ever get a girlfriend, which I highly doubt will ever happen, but if I do; she has to be one of the most intellectually stimulating women on the planet.

(As always, not all women are like the ones described above but I am just speaking from a guy's perspective)


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Screw them biological urges, sometimes I wish I could break free. It's like a drug and your drug is your prison. The majority of my problems and issues when I was younger had something to do with women. The thing I have always wanted but have never had. 


Actually I can't wait to get a girlfriend just so I can realize that it's not as good as I thought it was then I can focus on other things in life and appreciate being single.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Veracity said:


> This post is golden.


Is that a good thing or sarcasm?



NoEgo said:


> I absolutely hate when some guy who's in a relationship tells me, "You don't know how good you've got it. I wish I was still single."
> 
> ...Then dump the b*tch. It's that simple. Obviously, being in a relationship is better than being single, or else you'd have already left her. If you're one of those people who says that, stop lying.


I don't think anyone ever means that it's better to be single, they're just talking about a specific thing. Like if you mention waiting on line to pick up a copy on it's release and then binge play it all weekend, your friend might be like, "damn, wish I was single" but all he really means is he's envious of your freedom to do that.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

NoEgo said:


> I absolutely hate when some guy who's in a relationship tells me, "You don't know how good you've got it. I wish I was still single."
> 
> ...Then dump the b*tch. It's that simple. Obviously, being in a relationship is better than being single, or else you'd have already left her. If you're one of those people who says that, stop lying.


A lot of people stay in relationships which don't make them happy because of various factors, it doesn't mean they are lying when they say it. If your relationship is genuinely good, thoughts like those let alone the urge to say it to others will not cross your mind.


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## Humesday (Mar 6, 2016)

You can simulate the experience with amphetamines. Hell, you can simulate the experience with compassion meditation. People talk about the overwhelming experience of the love they feel from their meditation object (God) when they meditate/pray. You can achieve that by just meditating via mindfulness compassion meditation. It's all just brain chemistry.

Love is a high. It can be effectively a drug. A lot of people end up in abusive relationships because they're addicted to it. Eventually it wears off and people get bored of their partner or end up as friends with "mature" love or they take off. There are so many miserable people in relationships. 

There are people in relationships who are just as lonely as any of the virgins on here. That might be hard to believe, but the grass really isn't greener on the other side. Chances are if you have anxiety, your mind will find a way to destroy it anyway. My mind often tries to find a way to destroy just about all of the opportunities and experiences I have in life.

The only way I've ever been able to really get a handle on it is via exercise and meditation. Dating doesn't help much. It often makes things worse. I really need to get back into the habit of meditating more.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Anyone who tells you that you dont need a gf is a mentally derranged idiot who probably had a blast in the world of socializing.


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