# Ladies, Lemme Axe You A Question



## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

How do you really feel about a guy you don't know coming up and talking to you? Not hitting on you, or dropping a cheesy line, but just striking up a polite conversation? Is it weird? Creepy? Are you flattered that he finds you interesting? Does it make a difference if he has some reason to talk to you (commenting on a book you happen to be reading) versus just making random small talk?

I guess I actually have several questions...Its just that I keep hearing that all you have to do is just talk to girls, and I dunno, I don't see how that would be seen as anything but weird if I don't actually have some excuse to talk to them, but maybe I'm wrong.


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## La_Resistance (Feb 3, 2009)

I know the question was for the ladies :lol

But I think it depends on the circumstances and how you make your approach. Like remember the french chick? She came and made convo with us out of nowhere, I don't think it was creepy or weird. 

I guess the best thing is to keep trying, and if you don't get the response you wish on some occasions, don't let it stop you from trying again.


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

Please don't axe me.

(Luckily, I'm not a lady.)


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I usually kind of appreciate it when someone normalish talks to me in a non-creepy way, until I fail at keeping up the conversation. However, if I feel like a guy is talking to me _because_ he's interested in me, then it makes me uncomfortable.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

La_Resistance said:


> I know the question was for the ladies :lol
> 
> But I think it depends on the circumstances and how you make your approach. Like remember the french chick? She came and made convo with us out of nowhere, I don't think it was creepy or weird.
> 
> I guess the best thing is to keep trying, and if you don't get the response you wish on some occasions, don't let it stop you from trying again.


Yea, but a) we were hammered and b) she was a good looking girl

I think it is pretty different for girls in general to be cold approached (taht's a term, right?).


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

carambola said:


> I usually kind of appreciate it when someone normalish talks to me in a non-creepy way, until I fail at keeping up the conversation. However, if I feel like a guy is talking to me _because_ he's interested in me, then it makes me uncomfortable.


Yea, I get that. But to me at least, there's a difference between being interested in someone and being interested in sleeping with someone. I can be interested in a girl and still be polite and friendly, but I understand why girls in many cases would be apprehensive.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I'd love it, who wouldn't want a non-creepy conversation? I'd love it either way, although I wouldn't carry on the conversation just because I think he may be interested in me. I'd carry it on just because hopefully, I'd just like the conversation. This is one area where I think age has its advantages - I don't feel obligated to talk to someone because they may be interested, and I don't feel uncomfortable because they may be interested. It used to make me uncomfortable, but now it bothers me a lot less.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Lithium4 said:


> How do you really feel about a guy you don't know coming up and talking to you? Not hitting on you, or dropping a cheesy line, but just striking up a polite conversation? Is it weird? Creepy? Are you flattered that he finds you interesting? Does it make a difference if he has some reason to talk to you (commenting on a book you happen to be reading) versus just making random small talk?
> 
> I guess I actually have several questions...Its just that I keep hearing that all you have to do is just talk to girls, and I dunno, I don't see how that would be seen as anything but weird if I don't actually have some excuse to talk to them, but maybe I'm wrong.


i'd be fine with that, i wouldn't find it creepy or weird at all. in fact i drastically prefer that to just have a guy hitting on me or asking me out right away. i haven't had someone come up to me and make casual small-talk without any direct intentions very often, but i would really really appreciate it if they did, for various reasons.

from your example the main difference would be if it was a specific question like about a book i'm reading, i don't feel as nervous (though i still may be) since the answer is pretty direct. rather than if it was something like "so.. tell me about yourself" which makes me cringe just writing it.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

I actually don't have a problem talking to girls in certain situations, like say with a waitress. But I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of striking up a conversation with a random girl. I guess I'm probably making too much of it though.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

it wouldn't bother me too much at all. although, since my shyness is often seen as being rude they may think i'm not interested in talking to them.


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## rustyshackleford (Oct 30, 2009)

Lithium4 said:


> I actually don't have a problem talking to girls in certain situations, like say with a waitress. But I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of striking up a conversation with a random girl. I guess I'm probably making too much of it though.


Yeah I'm the same way. I end up considering a few things I could say, but talking myself out of it. Probably one of the reasons I'm single! :idea

I remember one time recently where I was in a waiting room of a doctor's office with a girl I thought was cute, around my age. I had like 15 minutes of silence to say something, but I said nothing. I don't know what to say out of the blue like that, without coming off as weird.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

It takes me off-guard, but I don't mind and I don't find it creepy. I'm often flattered although I always over-analyze it. Random small-talk is really hard for me. Things like "Man this bus is taking forever," or "Do you know whether we have tutorial next week?" tend to work better with me, but with outgoing girls, who knows.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, is there any other way, really? I'm always surprised to find women very open to conversation. I always approach with questions about them (school, work, music, anything) and so it's just a normal conversation. Out of everything I think I've ever learned about approaching women is that sometimes conversations just click and sometimes they don't; a lot of it depends on the person and what your talking about. Honestly, there is no other way to meet people if you want to meet them, so just see what happens when the girl opens her mouth. Most of them time you'll be pleasantly surprised. Girls don't give a hoot and if they do, who cares? You'll either click or you won’t, the conversation will be good or it won't, the person will be nice or they won't, she'll like you or she won't... it's all about excepting it and just seeing what you can make out of it. I really want to emphasize: stop thinking your doing something wrong because your not...

P.S. You've probably heard this more times than you can remember, but it's always a better feeling if you try than accumulating all that nonsense in your head.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

carambola said:


> I usually kind of appreciate it when someone normalish talks to me in a non-creepy way, until I fail at keeping up the conversation. However, if I feel like a guy is talking to me _because_ he's interested in me, then it makes me uncomfortable.


How would you differentiate between a "Creepy" and "non-creepy" way.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Creepy is like:
"Hey baby, I've been watching you for 2 hours now and I like your shoes...do you like scary movies?... i like cheese..." (not normal conversation)


Non-creepy is like:
"Hi, how are you? My name is ____. What is yours? Nice to meet you. Mind if I ask what you're reading? Oh that's cool, I'm actually..." (normal conversation)


A girl should probably answer this, but anything odd and out of place is considered creepy. As long as your friendly, considerate and have a normal conversation you won't be labeled "creepy".


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I would have liked it. I often wished a guy would just randomly talk to me at school, in the library, on the bus, anywhere.. presuming he wasn't obnoxious or a pervert. I wouldn't care if he had a reason (like the book example) or it was random. In fact, I'd like the randomness. I would want to screw the name introductions and all that; it's so formal and scary. I'd rather he just jumped right into something random. But most girls would probably prefer a smooth introduction like above, I'm guessing.


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## BTW (Jul 8, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Creepy is like:
> "Hey baby, I've been watching you for 2 hours now and I like your shoes...do you like scary movies?... i like cheese..." (not normal conversation)
> 
> Non-creepy is like:
> ...


Just based off my intuition, I have a feeling that it is more about 'sub communication' than what you actually say. I mean I don't think most people with SA are going to do the first conversation, I think the second one could still come off as creepy if you are too nervous. I hope I am wrong about this.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

Yeah. Girls seem all weirded out when I go talk to them. Maybe it's because they're shy or nervous around me because I'm a beautiful man.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

So, as far as sub communication goes, does that mean being nervous automatically makes me creepy? That's a bit of a mind ****.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I don't think being nervous automatically makes you creepy. If you were to just stand there and not say anything then that would be strange. I think we make it more complicated than it really is. It's ok to be nervous. Just pick an appropriate time to start a conversation and ask questions and give comments. Any woman who thinks your a creep for trying to have a conversation needs to deflate her balloon and come back down to reality. Just when you try and make conversation, make conversation and try to keep it going but don't try too hard. You have to realize that if she isn't putting anything toward the conversation then don't push it because she's not interested in talking. However, most will help you carry the conversation because it's awkward if they don't. Focus on what she has to say and stop worrying about what your doing. Most good conversations are distributed between both people and your already doing your part... the rest is up to the other person.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

^^^^^^^^older men should never ever be discouraged from talking to women that are younger than them. 

to answer the original question, no in the right circumstances it isn't creepy at all. If done right its very flattering and pretty exciting.


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## BTW (Jul 8, 2009)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> ^^^^^^^^older men should never ever be discouraged from talking to women that are younger than them.
> 
> to answer the original question, no in the right circumstances it isn't creepy at all. If done right its very flattering and pretty exciting.


I wasn't trying to discourage anyone. I was just trying to explain what my perception of what makes people come off as creepy is.

Maybe that was a bad example. Imagine a guy who cleary looks like he does nothing but play warcraft all day nervously talking to a women who looks like a model. This is an extreme, comical example of what I was trying to describe.

Edit: I'd also like to mention that I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. This is just based off my intuitions.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

yeah I remember when one of my friends was on this desperate woman hunt and another mutual friend and I would just shake our heads and say "wrong scene, and out of his league." we told him he was being really creepy.

Please consult my older men thread if you don't think women dig a lil bit of grey.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

strawberryjulius said:


> it wouldn't bother me too much at all. although, since my shyness is often seen as being rude they may think i'm not interested in talking to them.





pita said:


> It takes me off-guard, but I don't mind and I don't find it creepy. I'm often flattered although I always over-analyze it. Random small-talk is really hard for me. Things like "Man this bus is taking forever," or "Do you know whether we have tutorial next week?" tend to work better with me, but with outgoing girls, who knows.


These.

I am rarely approached out of the blue by people/men I don't know, to strike up a conversation. I think I give off the wrong vibe. I am pretty quiet and introverted, and also suck at small talk.

It would take me off-guard, but only because I'd be over-analyzing it and wondering "why is this guy I don't know wanting to talk to me? What does he want? Why me?". Like I said, it don't happen much. :b

Funny... I was in San Francisco a couple years ago on a short business trip, and on my personal day wandering about the Pier, this guy came up to me out of nowhere, and basically asked me if I wanted to hang out and maybe have dinner with him. I can't recall exactly what he said at first, but it took him no time at all to get to the hang out/dinner part. It freaked me out. Because I had no idea who this guy was. I declined - but politely.


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## dust3000 (Oct 13, 2009)

In general, I don't mind, and sometimes it's nice. Some people just like to talk to pass the time.

It becomes creepy when they start being personal or if they can't take a hint that someone doesn't want to talk to them or if they think I owe them something.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

You could ask for the time if you are waiting for the bus or subway. (Just be sure you are not wearing a watch or carrying a cell phone that you could actually read the time on). 

It might be a conversation starter.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

certain songs they get sooooo scratched into our souls


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## Efsee (Jul 20, 2009)

that's deep


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Thanks for the replies. I don't know why I'd be hesitant, cause I actually kinda like making small talk with strangers, but its just the starting of the conversation that always gets me. Thanks again.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Lithium4 said:


> Thanks for the replies. I don't know why I'd be hesitant, cause I actually kinda like making small talk with strangers, but its just the starting of the conversation that always gets me. Thanks again.


I feel the same way. I enjoy chatting, but I really fear creeping people out and/or annoying them. Some of the replies here I found quite interesting. I'm inspired actually to... get some practice. 

I suspect my social skills aren't nearly as bad as I imagine them to be.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

somethinginthewind said:


> I'd say it depends on the setting, like in the doctor's office or something I'd find that really awkward but if you're like at the movies/library/volunteering somewhere, I wouldn't mind. And if it's not the "how you doiiiiiiin" kind of talk. :b But my SA goes a bit high when guys talk to me so I'll normally just smile and look shy. hahaha... :blush


This exactly. :yes


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## Fuu45 (Nov 25, 2009)

I found this thread and the whole replies very eye opening, ironic and hilarious. Because I have the same problem about making small talks with women in public or social settings. Because I do not want to come off as a creep due to my SA especially when it comes to women. What makes it ironic is all the questions, conflicts that I have regarding making small random talks in public, women are also going through the same thing. 

LoL... Most men are scared to approach and talk to women and most women are scared to be approach by men due to insecurity issues on both sex. 

I feel more comfortable and more confident now in approaching women


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## Game 7 (Dec 23, 2009)

Lithium4 said:


> How do you really feel about a guy you don't know coming up and talking to you? Not hitting on you, or dropping a cheesy line, but just striking up a polite conversation? Is it weird? Creepy? Are you flattered that he finds you interesting? Does it make a difference if he has some reason to talk to you (commenting on a book you happen to be reading) versus just making random small talk?
> 
> I guess I actually have several questions...Its just that I keep hearing that all you have to do is just talk to girls, and I dunno, I don't see how that would be seen as anything but weird if I don't actually have some excuse to talk to them, but maybe I'm wrong.


You're putting too much thought into her thoughts. You could be in a room of 100 people, 50 of them women, some would be flattered, some wouldn't think twice about it, some would be very uncomfortable, and very few would be outright mean to you.

You gotta remember, when you're approaching a girl you don't know, you are starting a casual conversation because you find something about her interesting...anyone who takes offense either has a horrible history with guys and she thinks you're coming onto her even if you aren't...or she's just a real *****...or it could be both.

Haha I guess what I'm saying is, start approaching girls with the idea that you want to find out if you like them, not trying to act in a way that will make them like you. Act like you. If you have something friendly to say, go over and say it. Her reaction is out of your control, and like I said, if she's mean about it, just say thanks for letting you know immediately what her personality is like . And if she's just uncomfortable but not mean about it, well, all those situations are usually awkward. What happens afterwards is what determines if it was a "good story to eventually tell our kids" awkwardness, or a "She looked at me like I had 3 eyes, and then I left" awkwardness.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Axe you a question....I like it :lol

Does creepy mean - safe distance, safe conversation?


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## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

What about eye contact, should eye contact be made before approaching? And when eye contact is made, ladies, how often do you smile? Some women like to stare without smiling. I've seen it posted on CL missed encounters many times and also know from other things you know? I read one recently that said "I was burning a hole in you with my peripheral vision", so it wasn't even direct eye contact in that case. (What's up with the lazy eye thing anyway? Another thread I guess.) But seriously how do you guys feel about being looked at and smiled at (not staring but just maybe for a moment.) I suck at that kind of stuff so I wonder how important that is. Assuming that you will be approached would you prefer making eye contact first or just sort of out of the blue? Would you reciprocate and look back and even smile or would you do the lazy eye thing, if anything at all?


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

Lol well I'm kind of anti social and I have a boyfriend so... I wouldn't be creeped out I'd just be like "why is this guy talking to me?" If it was something like "hi I'm ___ what's your name" etc etc. I'd think it was weird, but if it was something like we were waiting in line next to each other and you just kind of say something for the sake of conversation while you're waiting in line... I wouldn't think it was weird. But I come across as rude so I don't have very many random conversations with people I dont' know.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

I think going up to someone and formally introducing yourself, might be ok, but could come across as a bit weird, better to open with something random, like a question: "Do you know when this place shuts?" for example. It's usually fine to have a nice man strike up a conversation - sometimes I'm in a bad mood and want to be left alone, but that's my problem, not his.

Again, it may be just me, but my pet hate is people interrupting my book to ask "what are you reading?" I'm reading because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE! Ahem. A woman waiting around for a bus, or on a long, boring train journey is more likely to welcome a conversation than someone who's busy and stressed.



Phibes said:


> I'm a beautiful man.


Would you like to post a picture?


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

rickthegreat said:


> What about eye contact, should eye contact be made before approaching? And when eye contact is made, ladies, how often do you smile? Some women like to stare without smiling. I've seen it posted on CL missed encounters many times and also know from other things you know? I read one recently that said "I was burning a hole in you with my peripheral vision", so it wasn't even direct eye contact in that case. (What's up with the lazy eye thing anyway? Another thread I guess.) But seriously how do you guys feel about being looked at and smiled at (not staring but just maybe for a moment.) I suck at that kind of stuff so I wonder how important that is. Assuming that you will be approached would you prefer making eye contact first or just sort of out of the blue? Would you reciprocate and look back and even smile or would you do the lazy eye thing, if anything at all?


Catching someone's eye and smiling before approaching is flirty. I'd only respond well to such a thing if I was single and I liked the look of him, otherwise I'd just look in the other direction. If you want to strike up a "I'm not hitting on you" conversation, then don't make eye contact until a moment before you start to speak.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

Honestly, I would probably be thinking, "Leave me alone!" and trying to avoid him unless he wasn't being creepy and telling funny jokes.


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## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

Game 7 said:


> Haha I guess what I'm saying is, start approaching girls with the idea that you want to find out if you like them, not trying to act in a way that will make them like you. Act like you. If you have something friendly to say, go over and say it. Her reaction is out of your control, and like I said, if she's mean about it, just say thanks for letting you know immediately what her personality is like . And if she's just uncomfortable but not mean about it, well, all those situations are usually awkward.


I think this is a good way to look at it, Game 7. There's really no one "recipe" to having successful encounters, we're all individual and some convos will be good and others not so much, so just keep plugging away. Maybe don't analyze too deeply:yes There seem to be many fleeting variables when I'm approached that it simply comes down to vibes I get from the person. Nothing necessarily quantifiable. I'm a big help, lol.

Case in point, the other day a 30-something guy followed me out of our chiropractor's office. He laughed and said he wasn't following me, just coming outside to see if he'd dropped his glove there. He asked if that was my VW (yes) and before I'd had much time to wonder where this could be headed, he said he'd had a front-end collision with his identical car--if I needed any second-hand parts I could find them at a particular salvage yard. It was a very pleasant exchange that I would've been open to continuing, he had a friendly disposition with no air of an ulterior motive.

OT, I got a warm chuckle from the men responding so intently to this post asking for ladies opinions  Sorry I couldn't help unravel the mysteries of why women behave as they do, I'm trying to figure myself out as is!


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