# How do guys prefer to be rejected?



## mishapisha (Aug 27, 2015)

This guy doesn't actually like me for me but more so just because I'm pretty much the only person that talks to him for more than 2 minutes and I think he's put me on some kind of pedestal because of that. We don't really have much in common and I really don't want to hurt him because he's really sensitive. I've tried to keep it purely platonic from the beginning but I think we've just had different intentions this whole time and I feel like he'll just get more hurt the longer I "wait for him to get bored of me".

I've tried to distance myself from him already but he didn't take it that well because he doesn't really have any other friends. I've tried to be boring from his perspective but that hasn't worked either. He's still someone I care about but I just don't like him the same.

I know you'd rather not be rejected at all but, guys, how would you prefer to be rejected if you had a say in it? Or, for girls, how would you reject a guy in the nicest way you could?


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## Kovu (Jun 18, 2013)

I dont understand what you mean by reject him. And you know that he has no other friends and you are going to stop talking to him because of that? You sound like a mean person.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

After sex obviously . 

Go on give him a sympathy do over .


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## mishapisha (Aug 27, 2015)

RandomDood said:


> I dont understand what you mean by reject him. And you know that he has no other friends and you are going to stop talking to him because of that? You sound like a mean person.


Oh, I probably should've explained more. He wants to be more than friends but I don't. I'd still be his friend but I don't want to be anything more than that.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

mishapisha said:


> This guy doesn't actually like me for me but more so *just because I'm pretty much the only person that talks to him for more than 2 minutes and I think he's put me on some kind of pedestal because of that*. We don't really have much in common and I really don't want to hurt him because he's really sensitive. I've tried to keep it purely platonic from the beginning but I think we've just had different intentions this whole time and I feel like he'll just get more hurt the longer I "wait for him to get bored of me".
> 
> I've tried to distance myself from him already but he didn't take it that well because he doesn't really have any other friends. I've tried to be boring from his perspective but that hasn't worked either. He's still someone I care about but I just don't like him the same.
> 
> I know you'd rather not be rejected at all but, guys, how would you prefer to be rejected if you had a say in it? Or, for girls, how would you reject a guy in the nicest way you could?


Uhhh I've been there. How long have you known each other? If you don't care about the friendship you could just stop talking to him. I'd recommend just finding out for sure what his intentions are though, confront him about how it feels like he wants more than just a platonic friendship.


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## mishapisha (Aug 27, 2015)

^ I've already tried not texting for a little bit just to distance us a little but I can't ignore him face to face and ended up telling him it was because I ran out of credit because I found out he hadn't handled it well. After just 4 days... :/



Wings of Amnesty said:


> Uhhh I've been there. How long have you known each other? If you don't care about the friendship you could just stop talking to him. I'd recommend just finding out for sure what his intentions are though, confront him about how it feels like he wants more than just a platonic friendship.


We've only known each other for 3 months but I do care about him which is why I don't want to hurt him but I don't know how to let him down without hurting him either (at least too much). He's mostly upfront about it and at first I thought he was joking, and he probably was at the time, but then I realised he started actually meaning it seriously but anything I'm not comfortable with I either shoot down jokingly or change the subject completely. Though he still keeps trying to bring the same things up.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

There's no real way to do this that won't hurt..that's just the way it is.

You simply have to be clear, though, and give him a choice. "I know that this is painful to hear, but I only like you as a friend. You have a choice to make that I'll accept either way. Either continue to be a platonic friend or we can't keep in contact."


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## footnote (Aug 6, 2015)

KyleInSTL said:


> There's no real way to do this that won't hurt..that's just the way it is.
> 
> You simply have to be clear, though, and give him a choice. "I know that this is painful to hear, but I only like you as a friend. You have a choice to make that I'll accept either way. Either continue to be a platonic friend or we can't keep in contact."


I agree with Kyle. And I don't think you're a mean person, from some other comments I've read. You don't owe yourself to anyone but I think Kyle's way is a really good way to let him down gently and still keep your friendship as an option.


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## mishapisha (Aug 27, 2015)

^ Haha thanks :smile2: Yeah I was a little confused by that comment too but I didn't want to start a fight so...



KyleInSTL said:


> There's no real way to do this that won't hurt..that's just the way it is.
> 
> You simply have to be clear, though, and give him a choice. "I know that this is painful to hear, but I only like you as a friend. You have a choice to make that I'll accept either way. Either continue to be a platonic friend or we can't keep in contact."


You're probably right. I guess I was just hoping for a miracle way where no one would have to get hurt but reality's a ***** sometimes. But yeah, when he does bring it up again I'll probably say something like this so thank you. I'm just not good with confrontation but like karen said, life's too short. Just hope he doesn't take it the wrong way.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

So, this is how the famous "Friend Zone" developed. Lol!


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## Euthymia (Jul 15, 2015)

Are you sure he want's to be more than your friend OP? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I'm sorry you have to read these posts OP this is not a support forum for women anymore, especially when it comes to this subject there are just too many frustrated guys.

I reccomend you be kind but also make sure you are clear that you want to be just friends, so he can start to get over this. He might not take it well especially given your age (I assume he's a similar age to you)

_Removed_

edit: apparently you can't post the names of other forums here, but just know that there are other anxiety forums out there.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

Tell him that you're not interested in a relationship but would like to be friends. Sometimes, honesty is appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Easy. Tell this guy you have a boyfriend, but you like him more, it's just you can't leave your boyfriend even if you desperately want to for him.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

The way men handle friendships is very much different than women. To men being able to allow themselves to open up emotionally and reciprocation makes the man fall for you.


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## MondKrabbe (Sep 7, 2015)

You need to be blunt and straight with him. I don't know what he's like, but this is how it happens with me.

I have SA, the girl I would like to be *friends* with starts ignoring me. My anxiety begins to fill my head with desperation, and a million and one thoughts of what I did wrong to destroy a barely blooming friendship. If she simply said she would no longer like to speak to me, MAYBE with a reason, I would certainly feel hurt, but get over it and move on with life.

Again, I don't know how he thinks, if he has SA, or anything, but just be blunt. It's like your putting a piece of duct tape on his arm (not trying to be accusatory), rather than just pulling it off quickly so it's over and done with, you're pulling it off slowly, so he feels every inch of tape tearing at his skin, every little hair pulled out. So yeah, just tell him straight up, otherwise it'll just become worse for him and harder for you.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Just be brutally honest and be careful with the words you use. Don't lead him on, because a lot of times in these cases, guy read too much into things and think "she's just playing hard to get". Just be very decisive and clear.



Elliot Alderson said:


> So, this is how the famous "Friend Zone" developed. Lol!


Not really. Friendzone would be if she kept leading him on and asking for favour, but not really committing to anything. She ain't doing that.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

As soon as I saw the thread title I knew there'd be people posting some variation of _"You're mean/shallow for not giving him a chance!"_

Oh SAS! you so predictable :b

To answer the question: Gently, but clearly, and not in the presence of others.

Good luck. A lot of people don't realise that it's not often easy or fun to be the one doing the rejecting either.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Definitely have a talk with him in private, away from others. Be clear that you don't like him in that way but would like to stay friends if possible. Then the ball is in his court with how he takes that. Repeat this again if necessary.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Bluntly, early on, and to the point. Don't beat around the bush or give him any hope.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Through an improvised comedy routine, using elaborate metaphors and big neon lights. 

...but failing that, just be up front and don't beat around the bush. Bonus points if you don't patronise and say something along the lines of 'we can still be friends' if you genuinely don't mean it.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Posts that were off topic, conflicts, who has it worse, calling out members, or quoting any of those posts were deleted. Please stay on topic or infractions will be issued.


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## Gavroche (Jan 12, 2013)

I'd like to be informed of rejection by having a trap door open up beneath my feet where I fall into a Rancor pit. At least this way it removes all doubt.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Here's a thing about humans. They never verbalize their feelings, especially in romantic situations. Think about it, when someone is no longer interested in you on Tinder, they just ghost you simple as that. They don't say "I find you unattractive goodbye" or "I find you boring, see you later loser" 

Same thing is with dating and all of that. You literally have to guess someones feelings because I doubt anyone is going to say after the first date "I'm not interested in dating you anymore, you're a loser, your breath smells, you smell like ****, you have no manners, not to mention you're wayyyy too short"


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> Here's a thing about humans. They never verbalize their feelings, especially in romantic situations. Think about it, when someone is no longer interested in you on Tinder, they just ghost you simple as that. They don't say "I find you unattractive goodbye" or "I find you boring, see you later loser"
> 
> Same thing is with dating and all of that. You literally have to guess someones feelings because I doubt anyone is going to say after the first date "I'm not interested in dating you anymore, you're a loser, your breath smells, you smell like ****, you have no manners, not to mention you're wayyyy too short"


I wish people would just say whatever they think lol. Yeah, it's going to make you feel bad, but now that I have the truth, I can now stop worrying about you and move on with my life lol. And even if you think it's going to make me feel bad I don't care once I get the truth. My worries will be over forever haha.

Even though, I end up still moving on with my life. I tend to bring up old memories in which I would ask myself, why did it happen? Did I do something wrong? I shouldn't have said that? Why couldn't they just tell me!? lol.

All in all, I just think people in general are selfish and only think about themselves and the "High" they feel once they lie to your face and ghost on you.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

This is exactly the reason why I'm not sure about being nice to girls. I'm not mean, but I'm also not like really nice.. Just polite. My kindness has been accused as flirtation or romantic interest in the past which is why it's hard for me to be nice to girls. Back to your question. Honesty is hurtful and not everyone takes it well and will make you feel guilty. If the guy ever does that to you, he's obviously a jerk.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Personally I prefer a direct rejection over beating around the bush or distancing or anything like that. I don't know if he can accept being directly rejected but that is my preference. Everything else I tend to see as me being a screw up and end up feeling worse blaming myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Cash is good.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Whatev said:


> Cash is good.


Dude, we will be living comfortable lives if you think about that lol. For every rejection we get paid.


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## vanilla90 (Jun 22, 2010)

If you say he's the sensitive type I believe that staying friends with him will just give him hope, this always happens with guys of that age. Make it clear that he's only young and someone, and many in his future, will give him the affection he wants; just not you. Tell him you'd like to still be friends, but make it clear it is only a friendship. If he tries to persuade you at this point I feel it might be good to cut ties or he could be persistant.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

Best is to just say it to his face nicely, and that you would like to just be friends with him if he wants.


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## Zaac (May 20, 2015)

Just tell him upfront but remind him that he's still young and has years of opportunities throughout his life for women. Letting it linger on will just crush him more.



Elliot Alderson said:


> All in all, I just think people in general are selfish and only think about themselves and the "High" they feel once they lie to your face and ghost on you.


Dude, literally no one in this thread is getting a high off of it unless you're doing a self reflection?


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## TheWildeOne (May 15, 2014)

Farideh said:


> This is exactly the reason why I'm not sure about being nice to girls. I'm not mean, but I'm also not like really nice.. Just polite. My kindness has been accused as flirtation or romantic interest in the past which is why it's hard for me to be nice to girls. Back to your question. Honesty is hurtful and not everyone takes it well and will make you feel guilty. If the guy ever does that to you, he's obviously a jerk.


If being honest and entirely up-front is "being a jerk," I fear I may be the most incredibly rude person on the planet.


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

mishapisha said:


> This guy doesn't actually like me for me but more so just because I'm pretty much the only person that talks to him for more than 2 minutes and I think he's put me on some kind of pedestal because of that. We don't really have much in common and I really don't want to hurt him because he's really sensitive. I've tried to keep it purely platonic from the beginning but I think we've just had different intentions this whole time and I feel like he'll just get more hurt the longer I "wait for him to get bored of me".
> 
> I've tried to distance myself from him already but he didn't take it that well because he doesn't really have any other friends. I've tried to be boring from his perspective but that hasn't worked either. He's still someone I care about but I just don't like him the same.
> 
> I know you'd rather not be rejected at all but, guys, how would you prefer to be rejected if you had a say in it? Or, for girls, how would you reject a guy in the nicest way you could?


This is not about beeing rejected in a healthy, romantically way, but dealing with the psychological issues of someone who desperately clings to the only person he has. And that is something no person can give you any advice that is guaranteed to work. It's practically just guessing around. Nobody can tell you the results of what actions because that depends deeply on his personality.

I can only recommend you what i would tell anyone on this topic: Tell him, how you feel, and be done with it. Theres no easy way out of it, as @KyleInSTL already suggested.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I'd prefer something like "I'm worried that you're seeing me romantically, and I need to be clear with you that I just like you as a friend." As quickly as possible. Then do something together as friends before it feels too awkward.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Frankly, guys and girls have very little in common (usually). If he likes you, he's more than likely physically attracted to you. Making yourself boring isn't going to accomplish anything with a guy who's attracted to you.

Blunt might not be the kindest way to tell someone to buzz off but it usually works.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

as much as it would hurt, i want them to just tell me straight up that they aren't interested in me and would like to remain as friends. preferably as soon as possible.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

I prefer people to be as blunt and honest as humanly possible. I can be a little oblivious at times and I don't like to play hint games. I would hate for someone to string me along for a while just because they felt sorry for me or something.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

TheWildeOne said:


> If being honest and entirely up-front is "being a jerk," I fear I may be the most incredibly rude person on the planet.


 You misread my post.


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

mishapisha said:


> I know you'd rather not be rejected at all but, guys, how would you prefer to be rejected if you had a say in it? Or, for girls, how would you reject a guy in the nicest way you could?


Tell me you're not interested in a relationship. Don't tell me you "wish to be friends" because my self-esteem is already in the trash and that arrangement can't work. And please don't say _you're such a great guy yaknow, you'll find someone_ because if I were such a great guy you would have given me a chance.

I just want the person to be honest. Brutal honesty hurts but I'd prefer that over pity. It's nice that you don't want to hurt the person, which means you are nice, but it's just unavoidable. It's not your fault at all.


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## Robleye (Sep 26, 2012)

I'd prefer them to be honest and tell me they're not interested. I don't want to be asked to stay friends either, cause that's salt in the wound. And being ignored all of a sudden leaves me confused and frustrated at myself.

But I know how hard it is to reject someone you care about.. it takes some guts.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Just tell me straight up, be honest. We could still be friends if you wanted.


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## TheWildeOne (May 15, 2014)

Farideh said:


> You misread my post.


Probably. But in my defence it was a bit ambiguous in its wording - the last two sentences are worded such that they look intentionally connected.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

TheWildeOne said:


> Probably. But in my defence it was a bit ambiguous in its wording - the last two sentences are worded such that they look intentionally connected.


 That's what you were assuming. I thought I made myself clear. Anyone can be polite when they're honest. I've heard stories of the offended person going out of his/her way to make their love interest feel guilty for their own rights which makes the rejected person the jerk. As I've mentioned before, honesty is appreciated, but not everyone will be able to handle it well. I've been there before which is why I've decided to share it with you.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Methodical said:


> Tell me you're not interested in a relationship. Don't tell me you "wish to be friends" because my self-esteem is already in the trash and that arrangement can't work. And please don't say _you're such a great guy yaknow, you'll find someone_ because if I were such a great guy you would have given me a chance.


well, lots of guys are great but that doesn't mean that i'm attracted to all of them. i do genuinely want to be friends though, if they are ok with it. sometimes people say stuff because it's true, and not because they are trying to patronize you. but i do get where you are coming from.


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

bad baby said:


> well, lots of guys are great but that doesn't mean that i'm attracted to all of them. i do genuinely want to be friends though, if they are ok with it. sometimes people say stuff because it's true, and not because they are trying to patronize you. but i do get where you are coming from.


I don't know how someone can remain friends with a person they desire a romantic relationship with. I've attempted and could not do it. It is easy to say, "Well, people should be honest about their intentions in the beginning to avoid confusion." But how many beautiful long-term relationships and twenty-five year marriages blossom out of a friendship? You're kind enough to mention you would only consider remaining friends if the other person chose to, but my issue is with those who insist on remaining friends without considering the position the rejected person is in.


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## mishapisha (Aug 27, 2015)

Ugh not happy with myself. I was going to just work it into the conversation today but I couldn't bring myself to do it because he's so.... innocent, for the lack of a better word and I don't want him to feel bad about it. But I'll try again tomorrow. I still want him to know that we can still be friends if he wants, like when we first started talking, because I don't want him to think I'm just another person throwing him aside but he can choose if he wants to. Thanks for the replies and advice everyone.


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

If a woman rejected me. I'd prefer her to just be honest.


''Sorry, I'm not attracted to you'' or ''Sorry, your not my type'' etc...


Job done. Move on.


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## Telliblah (Sep 19, 2015)

Give him money.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Is a simple pie to the face to much to ask


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

EMPx said:


> If a woman rejected me. I'd prefer her to just be honest.
> 
> ''Sorry, I'm not attracted to you'' or ''Sorry, your not my type'' etc...
> 
> Job done. Move on.


This. You're only making things worse, by saying "I like u as a friend", "you're such a gentleman but not now", you deserve someone better" "I wish I had someone like you, but I'm not interested in relationship." Quit playin with words be brutally honest.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Women just ghost me when they reject me. That's pretty much the universal way of rejecting someone.


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## TCNY (Dec 3, 2014)

lol dont be brutally honest if hes sensitive just honest


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Gentlemen, let us take a moment of silence for this young man who just got put in the friend zone by OP.



You tried man, you tried... That's all that matters.


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## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

M0rbid said:


> This. You're only making things worse, by saying "I like u as a friend", "you're such a gentleman but not now", you deserve someone better" "I wish I had someone like you, but I'm not interested in relationship." Quit playin with words be brutally honest.


lol Sometimes people mean what they say, you know. I think saying "you deserve better" applies in all situations because every person deserves to be with someone who's right for them. It is sort of beating around the bush though, you're right :grin2:

It just means this person cares enough about you to let you down easy. Isn't it good people are decent enough to try and spare others feelings? I think sooo


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Be clear about it but not super harsh.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

After sex.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

I think the best way to reject him would be in a way that's as harsh and humiliating as possible. You could gather with a group of females friends and reject him in front of them. Then you would all laugh and point fingers at him with an evil grin on your faces. Then you could collect his tears in a cup and drink them as part of some obscure satanic ritual.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

DrKitty said:


> First compliment him about his good qualities as a person and say how much you care about him as a friend, then say, "I wish I could reciprocate the same feelings that you have but I can't because I just don't seem to feel the same way. But I hope we can still be friends." Put your hand on your heart to show that you genuinely care about his feelings.


Good lord no! Put your hand on your heart? Sorry but no man is going to see that as any kind of symbolism. We have social anxiety and struggle with women. Subtle non verbal gestures do not work in any situation. All your entire suggestion will do is make him think or say, "Why don't you want me then?"

A lot of men, especially those who have little to no success with women sexually or romantically, just cannot understand the concept of "just friends" with a woman they find attractive and who recognizes their great personal qualities. I'm lucky that I'm able to keep a couple friendships with women I find attractive, but I won't lie, it's not easy.


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## Tabris (Jul 14, 2013)

thedevilsblood said:


> I think the best way to reject him would be in a way that's as harsh and humiliating as possible. You could gather with a group of females friends and reject him in front of them. Then you would all laugh and point fingers at him with an evil grin on your faces. Then you could collect his tears in a cup and drink them as part of some obscure satanic ritual.


this tbh fam


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

PGVan said:


> Good lord no! Put your hand on your heart? Sorry but no man is going to see that as any kind of symbolism. We have social anxiety and struggle with women. Subtle non verbal gestures do not work in any situation. All your entire suggestion will do is make him think or say, "Why don't you want me then?"
> 
> A lot of men, especially those who have little to no success with women sexually or romantically, just cannot understand the concept of "just friends" with a woman they find attractive and who recognizes their great personal qualities. I'm lucky that I'm able to keep a couple friendships with women I find attractive, but I won't lie, it's not easy.


But that's the GUY's responsibility, not the woman's.

As long as she's honest about her feelings and not leading him on, sensitivity is a courtesy.

The best way to reject someone, especially someone with SA is to be abundantly clear and concise as possible - even it comes of as cold and harsh. The last thing you want is someone hanging around because they think "there is a chance". That just leads to resentment and more hurt feelings.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Hey I just want you to know that I prefer to be friends. I don't want to lead you on anymore. Can we still be friends? :/


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Karsten said:


> But that's the GUY's responsibility, not the woman's.
> 
> As long as she's honest about her feelings and not leading him on, sensitivity is a courtesy.
> 
> The best way to reject someone, especially someone with SA is to be abundantly clear and concise as possible - even it comes of as cold and harsh. The last thing you want is someone hanging around because they think "there is a chance". That just leads to resentment and more hurt feelings.


I agree with clear and concise even if being cold and harsh.... and that contradicts being sensitive about it by telling a guy how great he is while still rejecting his want for more than a friendship. I've been in a couple situations where a woman rattles off a shopping list of great things about me, tells me I'm attractive and yet doesn't want to be more than friends. It didn't make any sense to me (it still doesn't) why they didn't even want to give dating a shot if they had nothing but good things to say about me. Sensitivity is not a courtesy for a guy who has little to no success with women. It's not a matter of just moving onto the next one for men who struggle to get sexual and romantic attention from women. A woman not wanting a man for more than a friendship can save herself a lot of drama by making it clear and doing it early.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

With a free Tex-Mex dinner.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

xxDark Horse said:


> Hey I just want you to know that I prefer to be friends. I don't want to lead you on anymore. Can we still be friends? :/


This ^ definitely. It doesn't have to be rocket science imo. That's all that has to be said. And hopefully she has the guts to say it face to face. I've never been rejected through a text or email or fb or something like that, but that is just a really, really fuqd up way to go about it.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Told directly if she's aware. Other than that I'd soon convince myself there's no real reason to maintain pursuit.

After going through the motions so many times, it's grown a lot easier for me to get over the feelings and return to what I'm used to: Solitude without question.


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