# guys, do you approach girls you are interested in?



## kate7 (Feb 24, 2013)

so


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

:haha approach girls.


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## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

No...unless I'm drunk.


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## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

Any girl I ever have dated has approached me...yes thankful for that.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

The day I approach a girl is the day the sun stops shining and Mark Webber wins the world championship. But no, and it's due to self confidence and rejection issues.

Like Davey, the only females I have been involved with approached me first.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Usually.


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## handsupmidnight (Mar 4, 2013)

The few times I took the pro-active route and approached someone, I freaked out. Every single time. Maybe in their eyes, I acted a little weird, but from my perspective, it was an emotional disaster. I'm not a people person, but the few times I want to be, I have a stupid, debilitating fear of **** knows what. Maybe rejection, or maybe it's because there's a lingering thought in the back of my mind that says I'm not good enough


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

If approach simply means "say hi", then yes!  I feel more comfortable talking to women than men, so I'll usually befriend women whether I'm attracted to them or not. But I never ask anyone out or "approach" with the intent to flirt.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

galacticsenator said:


> :haha approach girls.


Good one!


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## eshng (Feb 25, 2013)

The ones that I approach, I tend to just freeze up just as I am about to say something. My brain goes blank and I just smile/laugh awkwardly because that seems to be my escaping mechanism.

If it's someone I already know and am interested in, I "test" around a bit to see if she is interested. Unfortunately this backfires as I am too romantically retarded to pick up on any hints.

Ya I suck


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

Sometimes. But then I see something that I don't like, and I no longer want to talk to her.

People always assume this is because I get scared, but that's not the case.

Other times I just get bored because she's not doing her part in trying to continue the conversations and expecting me to do all of the work.

If it's at an event where everyone is open to socializing, I'll try to talk to everyone, even if I have awkward moments.


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## dair (Jan 23, 2013)

I usually end up doing it eventually, but I never do right away.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

No. I always have that problem where i think i may be bothering them.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

hell no.


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## FeelNothing (Sep 25, 2012)

Almost never.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Let them go without even trying to make eye contact. Not before I picture a life together first. Lol. :bash:bash:bash


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## nirvanarulez94 (Jan 24, 2013)

Sometimes. The girls I tend to like are shy and less *****y, so I feel calm and at ease when I approach them.


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## SnakeEyes (Jun 27, 2012)

Nope, which is one reason I haven't been on a date in 13 years.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

kate7 said:


> this can be for guys or girls... do you usually approach someone who intrigues you, or do you just let them go?


What begs the question?


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

Yeh, I offer them a ride home on my flying pig....

lol but seriously, no. I often imagine doing it, but I end up not doing it. (surprise, surprise)


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## O Range (Feb 11, 2013)

I wish I could, but they're likely not interested anyway, so it all plays out.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

No, it would feel weird to me going up to a woman just based on her looks, even though I understand it has to start somewhere and somehow...


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

i do, unless its kind of an inappropriate place to approach a girl... like i wouldnt if i was at a funeral or a hospital or something like that


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Some I let go, some I'd LIKE to approach, haven't really been out much.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Depends. If I am in a confident mood and if she seems open to being approached. I would say I approach 1 in 6 girls that I am interested in. I would like to get that number up higher though.


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## RyanE1991 (Feb 14, 2013)

9 times out if 10 i will approach, but 10 times out of 10 nothing even happens if i do approach.


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

Where am I supposed to approach them? I don't go to bars or clubs and I couldn't just randomly go up to a woman on the street and say 'do you want to go out with me?' even if I had the guts to.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I only meet people on the internet.

I avoid them like the plague in real life.


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## southwales (Mar 2, 2013)

I am going to try and approach at least two girls I like the look of when I am out next regardless if I am meeted negatively or positively. Regardless If I feel confident or a fool and I want to keep at it. 

Can I ask the girls on the thread how they feel if they have been compliment by a guy, Who clearly has an interest in them?


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## meedo (Oct 4, 2011)

kate7 said:


> this can be for guys or girls... do you usually approach someone who intrigues you, or do you just let them go?


Are you talking about public places or within group of people ? I would say it depends on my mood..

I once approached the life guard in the swimming pool.. told her that thee is a girl i am interested in around the pool and i am a bit uncomfortable to approach her because i am in my swimming suit . She told me that i should go for it ... so i told her allright .. what about Coffee sometime soon :b lol

It was funny seeing her reaction .. lol.. nothing happened but it was fun .


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

never approached a girl. If I find her attractive I steal gawkward glances or just stare to the point we both start to get scared. theres probably a fine line between showing your interest and having them think you're a rapist but I tightrope along it to keep things fresh and exciting.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

When i was in my teens, I was "aggressive." Now &*^$ em.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

visualkeirockstar said:


> No. I always have that problem where i think i may be bothering them.


Same. I don't want to bother anyone.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

twice I have. both ended going nowhere but I'm glad I did none the less.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

No, I avoid and act completely uninterested in girls that I am interested in.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I have a nice tactic of staring at a guy until he notices, at which point I swiftly (and obviously) look away and pretend I was enraptured by a spot on the wall behind him. As soon as he looks away again I'm back to creeping.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I might (rarely) casually talk to her, if she looks approachable. As far as asking her out, no. :um


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## AvBaSoT (Feb 10, 2013)

Soilwork said:


> Where am I supposed to approach them? I don't go to bars or clubs and *I couldn't just randomly go up to a woman on the street* and say 'do you want to go out with me?' even if I had the guts to.


Why can't you? What's the worst that can happen? The police are going to come after you? She says no? Big f'ing deal

Watch this. If these guys have the balls to do it, why can't you?


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## scaredtotalk (Dec 25, 2012)

Never did, impossible for me. Seems that there's an invisible barrier holding me from talking to a girl. Never had a GF either soo.....


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

I dont approach her... I just imagine the rest of our lives together from a safe distance


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

stupidly, tragically, I always let them go.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

MrQuiet76 said:


> I dont approach her... I just imagine the rest of our lives together from a safe distance


lol :|


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

AvBaSoT said:


> Why can't you? What's the worst that can happen? The police are going to come after you? She says no? Big f'ing deal
> 
> Watch this. If these guys have the balls to do it, why can't you?


Well it is a big deal actually as getting rejected and made to look like a creep won't do anything for my self confidence.

Also, you mention the police in jest but it isn't unreasonable to think I could get done for sexual harassment if word got out that there was a guy who was constantly approaching women in the street and making sexual advances.


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## bornbroken (Mar 6, 2013)

Cerberus said:


> Whenever I approach girls I get an overwhelming feeling of discouragement. I know many girls will not accept my avoidant and highly introverted personality. I also do not want to lie for acceptance like my avoidant father did. Some girls will accept my personality, but the many rejections I'd have to endure in the process is not worth it or tolerable given my very poor self esteem and general paranoia. Moreover, I'm hesitant to breed because mental illness runs in my family. I do not want to pass it on and make someone else suffer because I selfishly wanted a family.
> 
> In other words, the potential cost is too high and the rewards aren't high enough to provide me with enough incentive to approach girls.


Theres always adoption!!! That's what I want to do because if my baby girl has KP I will never forgive myself for passing it on to her :/


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

Soilwork said:


> Well it is a big deal actually as getting rejected and made to look like a creep won't do anything for my self confidence.
> 
> Also, you mention the police in jest but it isn't unreasonable to think I could get done for sexual harassment if word got out that there was a guy who was constantly approaching women in the street and making sexual advances.


yea that is true, and people can take things out of proportion and go too far, even if you aren't an actual threat to anyone and it would be a waste of police time and resources people can take it upon themselves to persecute someone because they are feeling insecure or uncomfortable using the law as a means to exercise their right to do that.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Soilwork said:


> Well it is a big deal actually as getting rejected and made to look like a creep won't do anything for my self confidence.
> 
> Also, you mention the police in jest but it isn't unreasonable to think I could get done for sexual harassment if word got out that there was a guy who was constantly approaching women in the street and making sexual advances.


It's actually the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you got the police called on you for hitting on girls I would give you all the money I have, and my car. That would just be _incredibly_ impressive.

A question though - what is the point of having self confidence if you're not using it for anything anyway? How could you learn not to be creepy (and I highly doubt you come off that way anyway) if you don't practice? No man is immune to rejection - what makes you so special that you wouldn't have to go through the paces to get to a good place with women? Unless you have no interest in dating, of course.


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## humanphobic (Jan 27, 2013)

never have but i was approached about 3 times and thats it... im a wimp


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## 9mm (Feb 12, 2013)

never have


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

AvBaSoT said:


> Why can't you? What's the worst that can happen? The police are going to come after you? She says no? Big f'ing deal
> 
> Watch this. If these guys have the balls to do it, why can't you?


I've tried this "direct" approach at college before. I did it with 10 girls. I walked up to them, said "Hey, what's your number?" 9 of them were insanely creeped out and walked away, fearing for their lives. The other one called campus security on me, who then told me to stay away from the girl otherwise I'd face legal consequences.

Long story short, don't try this direct, confident, demanding, alphamale bull**** approach unless you're a model. Odds are you'll just get sprayed with mace.


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## 9mm (Feb 12, 2013)

Rainbat said:


> I've tried this "direct" approach at college before. I did it with 10 girls. I walked up to them, said "Hey, what's your number?" 9 of them were insanely creeped out and quickly walked away, fearing for their lives. The other one called campus security on me.
> 
> Long story short, don't try the direct alphamale bull**** approach unless you're a model.


This is excellent advice. Thank you.


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

rymo said:


> It's actually the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you got the police called on you for hitting on girls I would give you all the money I have, and my car. That would just be _incredibly_ impressive.
> 
> A question though - what is the point of having self confidence if you're not using it for anything anyway? How could you learn not to be creepy (and I highly doubt you come off that way anyway) if you don't practice? No man is immune to rejection - what makes you so special that you wouldn't have to go through the paces to get to a good place with women? Unless you have no interest in dating, of course.


No offence but I think you are being rather naive on this matter. The recent sex abuse scandals in this country mean authorities are increasingly on the lookout for "predatory" behaviour. Hell, you can even get arrested for making comments on Facebook here so I certainly wouldn't rule anything out.

Asking someone out on the street means almost certain rejection. What is the point of doing something where you will only embarrass yourself? If I'm going to ask women out then I'm going to do it somewhere that is socially acceptable and where I have a reasonable chance of success.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Soilwork said:


> No offence but I think you are being rather naive on this matter. The recent sex abuse scandals in this country mean authorities are increasingly on the lookout for "predatory" behaviour. Hell, you can even get arrested for making comments on Facebook here so I certainly wouldn't rule anything out.
> 
> Asking someone out on the street means almost certain rejection. What is the point of doing something where you will only embarrass yourself? If I'm going to ask women out then I'm going to do it somewhere that is socially acceptable and where I have a reasonable chance of success.


From experience, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you're wrong - unless you're the type of guy that runs up to girls and gropes them, in which case I concede to your argument.


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

Rainbat said:


> I've tried this "direct" approach at college before. I did it with 10 girls. I walked up to them, said "Hey, what's your number?" 9 of them were insanely creeped out and walked away, fearing for their lives. The other one called campus security on me, who then told me to stay away from the girl otherwise I'd face legal consequences.
> 
> Long story short, don't try this direct, confident, demanding, alphamale bull**** approach unless you're a model. Odds are you'll just get sprayed with mace.


lol I am genuinely feeling a deep amount of sorrow for my fallen male brethren here. its a bloody cruel world. I reckon its all the predatory pua types giving us a bad name!


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

rymo said:


> From experience, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you're wrong - unless you're the type of guy that runs up to girls and gropes them, in which case I concede to your argument.


I'm wrong about which part?


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

I've talked to attractive girls in my class before. I can't do this if they're in a group but sometimes when a new class starts, I would purposely choose a seat close to theirs so i could have a chance. I was able to talk to them just fine, but it never seemed like the conversation would go anywhere and die after a few minutes.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Always has been the same for me... 

I approach the girls I think are interested, but then find out they are not and end up feeling low due to being shot down.

Then because of that I don't approach the girls that are interested just in case the above happens again.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

rymo said:


> lol :|


Haha don't worry man, I said that mainly to be funny. It's been true in the past but im gonna work on changing that!


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## Plopperton (Nov 27, 2010)

I wish I could, always get the butterflies and try to talk myself into doing it. Eventually they get up and leave


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

When a female expresses interest in me, i'm usually not sure if i'm into them much. They can be a ten, wouldnt make much difference.

I would probably attribute that from every relationship I ever had with a female thus far was always unfulfilling or demoralising in some way. 

I havent done any approaching in a very long time. Not since maybe my early 20's.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

rymo said:


> From experience, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you're wrong - unless you're the type of guy that runs up to girls and gropes them, in which case I concede to your argument.


Speaking from personal experience on someone I know personally, cannot go into detail, though know he's dead right for the UK and definitely for England. You'd be surprised the stuff you get done for at the moment in this country, you really would... Far less then that often.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Soilwork said:


> I'm wrong about which part?


You're not wrong at all, and I know that for a fact  I think he's speaking from his personal experience in Connecticut, but over here. Man it's another story...


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Tanya1 said:


> You're not wrong at all, and I know that for a fact  I think he's speaking from his personal experience in Connecticut, but over here. Man it's another story...


I have never seen or heard of anyone getting arrested for hitting on a girl. Hitting them, yes, that's another story. Sounds like a complete cop-out for not actually going through with approaching girls.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Well Connecticut is a wild land, after all. Guys approaching girls left and right, no cops anywhere to be found. IT'S MADNESS.


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## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

i try, but give up easy if not enough attention is given back.


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

rymo said:


> I have never seen or heard of anyone getting arrested for hitting on a girl. Hitting them, yes, that's another story. Sounds like a complete cop-out for not actually going through with approaching girls.


it probably _sounds_ like it is, but if you've experienced ,witnessed or heard of these things happening in your locality you can't say for sure that's the reasoning. there are cultural differences and social trends which are completely different from place to place across the globe.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

galaxy1 said:


> it probably _sounds_ like it is, but if you've experienced ,witnessed or heard of these things happening in your locality you can't say for sure that's the reasoning. there are cultural differences and social trends which are completely different from place to place across the globe.


If I saw any evidence of something like this outside of Saudi Arabia or some place like that I would be glad to agree, but until then I just don't. I've heard plenty of stories of guys partying in the UK and meeting random girls. Never any stories of one of them being arrested for trying though lol


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

nope..


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

rymo said:


> If I saw any evidence of something like this outside of Saudi Arabia or some place like that I would be glad to agree, but until then I just don't. I've heard plenty of stories of guys partying in the UK and meeting random girls. Never any stories of one of them being arrested for trying though lol


what makes you assume its only western countries that are exempt from this sort of thing? laws ,society and culture can vary wildly in many developed 1st world countries.
it doesn't indicate a place is less developed if such a thing occurs, it can indicate a shift in standards of conduct and social consciousness,each country has its own social and political trends within, which develop differently to another country with its own influences.

if someone from the states was to tell me that in america there are certain social taboo's or things you can't say or do i'd think fair enough, they live there they know more about this or have experience of such a thing.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

galaxy1 said:


> what makes you assume its only western countries that are exempt from this sort of thing? laws ,society and culture can vary wildly in many developed 1st world countries.
> it doesn't indicate a place is less developed if such a thing occurs, it can indicate a shift in standards of conduct and social consciousness,each country has its own social and political trends within, which develop differently to another country with its own influences.
> 
> if someone from the states was to tell me that in america there are certain social taboo's or things you can't say or do i'd think fair enough, they live there they know more about this or have experience of such a thing.


So you've experienced people getting arrested from hitting on girls? I dunno what to tell ya man. Sounds like a scary world that we live in. I'm sure as hell not approaching girls anymore, especially if I go on vacation. Here I thought if I robbed or killed someone, that would get me in trouble. Now I know I can't even talk to people.


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

rymo said:


> So you've experienced people getting arrested from hitting on girls? I dunno what to tell ya man. Sounds like a scary world that we live in. I'm sure as hell not approaching girls anymore, especially if I go on vacation. Here I thought if I robbed or killed someone, that would get me in trouble. Now I know I can't even talk to people.


I don't go out and hit on girls here and rarely hang out with people that do, but I know that from living within the uk ,witnessing ,being observant and aware of what is currently "right" or "wrong" and also just from being out in public around places and social gatherings in the past where people hit on each other. that it really wouldn't surprise me if someone said such a thing (that a woman would call the police).

and like I say it could be different from where you are, you know your country better than I do so thats for you to observe and apply to your own conduct. I know that when I went to europe I had to ask for advice on how to conduct myself with certain things in public. I also asked questions about the various differences on approaching women. (although in the end I only attempted chatting up 1 girl and that was only after about 5 pints and some helpful encouragement lol)


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

rymo said:


> I have never seen or heard of anyone getting arrested for hitting on a girl. Hitting them, yes, that's another story. Sounds like a complete cop-out for not actually going through with approaching girls.


I don't know, but right now people are being arrested for all kinds of things, every day. I'm not being paranoid, it's just how things are going in this country right now. You have to be careful what you say.

But yeah maybe a cop out sometimes.

All I know is that if someone did what that guy did round here, I wouldn't be surprised if someone called the police just because they were creeped out, and then he may well be arrested and even taken to court, it's not been that way always but with everything going on in this country right now, they are taking the better to be safe they sorry approach to the extreme man. As I said, people have been done for less recently. It's easy to say it's bull****, I would have done too, back before you see stuff...


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

rymo said:


> I have never seen or heard of anyone getting arrested for hitting on a girl. Hitting them, yes, that's another story. Sounds like a complete cop-out for not actually going through with approaching girls.


Pretty harsh comment man. Like I said, if I'm in a socially acceptable location then I would at least consider it but there's no point doing it on the street for the reasons I have already stated.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I've been to England (if that's where y'all are talking about in the UK) and it didn't seem like such a police state, lol. I thought it was a bit excessive that they don't allow outlets in bathrooms, but that was the worst of it that I saw in the month I was there... Was Orwell's 1984 a prophecy now coming true? haha


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## Aenela (Oct 7, 2009)

I certainly wish I could. Waiting and waiting for the girl to clearly indicate she is interested you is a troubling thing, and by the time you have conjured up the courage to ask her out it may be too late. 

For instance, there was a grocery clerk at my local market who I chatted with everytime I went shopping - just small talk - for a couple months. I developed a harmless crush on her. I wrote a little note with my number on it basically saying 'I never do this, but here is my number if you ever want to talk'. I kept delaying giving it to her, coming up with some internal excuse everytime. By the time I believed I was ready, it became evident she no longer worked there and I never saw her again haha. Jokes on me!

Naturally, fear of rejection is much greater for folks such as us with social anxiety. I applaud anyone who finds the confidence to go for what they want despite anxiety telling them otherwise.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

No point approaching any I like and I'm not even picky, I'm just too anxious to try and gave up years ago really. They'd just reject me or call me a creep and act like a victim anyway.


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## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

I approach like an airplane


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

I never approach women when I'm sober under any circumstance.

Only when I'm drunk, it's purely sexual anyway.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

I've never been interested enough to approach a women, mere curiosity at most.


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