# could she like me?



## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Hi all,

Just want to keep it brief, i have known this sweet girl for a few months and i think i like her  ,do these signs indicate anything i shall list the signs I notice most.

•Eye contact (I pull away first I'm too anxious) 
•Seems to Laugh at my jokes 
•I gave her a Christmas card, she seemed happy about it 
• Calls me by my name when most others don't...
• She can get a little anxious when we are alone.
• She noticed a public status I posted and we had a conversation about that, then she switched to inbox and continued the convo?
• we share similar interests (just thought I'd throw it out there)
• She always sits opposite me. Always...
• She looks at me in the eyes when we speak.
• when we were alone I got up and was about to leave, and she said not to leave her alone.

Please help me, whoops that wasn't brief at all  but being in a situation like this you always tend to over think little things...

Thanks a lot guys, you need any help I'd be glad to offer it...


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Yip she does,I am in kinda the same situation with a girl who seems to like me just like you described.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

You really think so, you don't know how big my grin was when I read that.  anyone else care to offer an opinion to level things out?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Girls are so hard to read, she is a bit shy too do its even harder


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Anybody else think she could like me?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

She doesn't speak to me all the time, especially online but she could just be either shy or playing hard to get?


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Don't go in to much,let her have space.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

How should I go slow?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I haven't started a conversation online yet, should I soon or just leave it? Would love a girls opinion too?


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Just keep going the way you are and see what happens.


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## Miss Bee (Oct 15, 2011)

I have certainly acted that way around guys I like. She possibly doesn't speak to you all the time because she doesn't want to appear too clingy. I think you have a good shot with her. I wish I could help you, but I lack experience in successful formation of relationships, but it is on you to make it happen if she is shy. Best of luck!


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## mr hoang (Aug 14, 2011)

I agree, I think she likes you, and I think give her some space. Make yourself a challenge, girls like that. Let her chase you. Also don't do things to seek her approval. Goodluck


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## Use Your Illusion (Apr 10, 2008)

I think she definitely likes you but don't suddenly change how you act around her, it might freak her out if you suddenly look to move things forward. She likes you for how you have been with her up to now. Just talk to her when she gives you the chance, about those interests you have in common and stuff.

Not that I would know a thing about getting into a relationship of course, but still.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Help please said:


> Anybody else think she could like me?


She likes you because if she didnt, she wouldnt be talking to you and being around you at all. Ask her out on a date!!:yes


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

VivaEmptinessRoses said:


> She likes you because if she didnt, she wouldnt be talking to you and being around you at all. Ask her out on a date!!:yes


i agree. if you like her, let her know. seems like she'd appreciate that.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Should I wish her happy Christmas online out of the blue on the day?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

We have just started talking so i think it is too early to ask her out yet.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Its never too early if the girl like you. And I agree with everybody else the chick definitely likes you. :clap But, don't get too excited just yet, you can still screw this up. Girls can change their feelings towards you very quickly if you start acting like a creeper. Firstly, she has shown interest in you, enough so you have noticed. And all the people here agree that it seems like she likes you. So, the next logical progression would be to ask her out. Do it asap. If you wait too long you will screw it up. It's better to ask over the phone or in person. But, if you'll be too nervous, just ask her out over IM. That works fine. Just be like 'I think you like me' and then she'll be like 'What?' Then just reply with a  and say let me take you out to dinner/bowling/etc this weekend. That should work well if she indeed likes you. Actually, it's guaranteed to work if she likes you. It's confident, it acknowledges her interest in you while you are simutaneously expressing an interest in her by asking her out. Just make sure you say let me take you out and not let's hang out. That's a common mistake I see guys make. It sounds like you want to be her friend when you talk like that. I think you got a great shot man. Here's to hoping you don't screw this up:clap Good luck man!


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> Should I wish her happy Christmas online out of the blue on the day?


If you want to. Please don't over-think this. That's where you make your mistakes. It took me many years and epic fails to finally learn this. Just ask her out tomorrow and don't think about it too much. Don't over analyze. Whatever you're doing seems to be working as she keeps flirting with you. Just be confident. You got this!


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

It sounds like fab advice, but I'm really shy too. If she says no then it's a whole 2 years of awkwardness as she is on my course. I'll see how things go after Christmas break...


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> It sounds like fab advice, but I'm really shy too. If she says no then it's a whole 2 years of awkwardness as she is on my course. I'll see how things go after Christmas break...


Well you can't put it off for two years, right? Might as well get it over now, like ripping off a band-aid . If you do it over the internet I think this will help with the shyness. And if she says no who cares? You can still be friends with her if you want, it doesn't have to be awkward. Or if it does turn awkward just spread some rumors around school about her trying to throw herself at you, obviously Ok last part was just a joke...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I would rather ask her in person, Facebook is too impersonal...


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> I would rather ask her in person, Facebook is too impersonal...


You can do it man! Just like tearing off a band-aid  You can't wait two years to ask her out, right. And you know how chicks are. If you wait too long she will either find someone new or think you are not interested and find someone new.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

How could I build up to it first, y know hint


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Ok I sent her a message regarding a subject we both like, if she answers great! If not in a set time like 2 days or so then I will begin to have my doubts.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Am I being to clingy?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I may as well add when she does make eye contact she doesn't really smile, and she was the first to leave the online conversation...


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

It just sounds like she probably does like you as a friend, but you really shouldn't read too much into what she does. Also, I just want to point out if someone gets a little anxious when left alone with you (but acts normal when there are other people around) it usually means the opposite of a good thing...

That said, I assume you're in high school (and that's why you may be stuck in the same class with her for the next two years) and people do stupid things all the time while in high school. You have my permission to ask her out, but if I were you I'd take her gesture of friendship for what it is.

Edit: Just so we could relate and stuff, I had a boy who was nice to me when I was in high school and I ended up obsessing over him like nobody's business (even if he had a girlfriend and I knew he wasn't into me that way). I think people who don't have that many people being nice to them may take normal kindness from the opposite sex as some sort of a come-on, but sometimes people are just trying to be nice, no more no less.


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Help please said:


> I may as well add when she does make eye contact she doesn't really smile, and she was the first to leave the online conversation...


You are probably overthinking everything. Don't let such details affect your judgement and actions. Ask her out, really. I'm sure it will be all right. 

Though, I agree with one of previous posts: be yourself and don't suddenly change the way you act around her. Going out isn't a date, you shouldn't and aren't obliged to press her to be closer. Be casual, talk, have a nice time, and don't overthink it too much. Eventually you'll know her better to say for sure whether she likes you as a friend or special someone. Be a gentleman.  I'm confident you'll be fine.

Also, if it's possible, I'd recommend to spend more time talking in person rather than over facebook. You are absolutely right, facebook is too impersonal. And not just for asking someone out: every conversation you have with someone important to you deserves to be real. Wouldn't you like to hear her voice (rather than guess her intonation from plain text)? Try to meet more often. Cheers and good luck!


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Ahcookies, glad someone shares my view on Facebook, and I hope I am not blowing it out of proportion too :/


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Yeah man your way over-thinking this. Just relax and be yourself. Don't be so stuck on this one girl. I think you should broaden your horizons and be talking to multiple girls until you find a gf. This will serve two purposes. If this girl you like sees you talking to other girls. It will show her you have value because other females are interested in you and your worth will go up significantly, in her eyes. On the other hand, if you get rejected you won't be as emotionally devastated because you had back up plans. Dating is a numbers game man. Almost all guys strike out more than they score, you just have to keep swinging. Talk to more girls, don't be so attached to this one girl. If you don't mind me asking, what did your message say?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I told her about seeing the turner prize, and just said have you been and that it was awesome, I also said if you want more info just ask, you know could be easily interpreted as friend talk. Also yes I am trying to talk to other girls too, but I am not attracted to anyone else at the minute.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Don't get paranoid just take it easy,if you go in too fast it might scare her.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Thanks guys!


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I might make a move on a girl who seems to like me a lot


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I can't say much because I'm in exactly the same situation  and I know how nervous you can feel. We should merge forums to help out you too...


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Its similar to your situation,the first time she saw me she could not take her eyes of me,was very keen on talking with me,friendly,lots of smileing and kept looking into my eyes  Works one or two days a week at a local shop think she is at college.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Well the girl I like doesn't keep eye contact too long, just occasionally catch each others eyes...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Sounds like your situation is much clearer than mine. I'll see how it plays out...


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Yeah she is one who is a little forward but not to much,I think she is intrested in me


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Again, man, please do not judge your situation or make your decisions solely from such observations. If she likes to keep an eye contact a bit shorter than an average girl, that doesn't mean anything, really (including "my situation less clearer than yours"). Cheers! 

Oh, and Turner prize surely sounds awesome, wouldn't refuse to attend that event myself.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Sorry ahcookies, this may sound stupid but could you explain, I couldn't understand what you said well  and thanks everyone for your advice...


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

I'm deeply sorry, English is not my native language... >_<' It seems I've messed up something in that sentence from my previous post. 

Here are the posts I referred to:



> Well the girl I like doesn't keep eye contact too long





> Sounds like your situation is much clearer than mine.


What I was trying to say is that how long she prefers to keep an eye contact (short, in your case) is not really a reliable clue of her attitude. So, if you worry about that, e.g. suggesting that "it means she likes me less", please, don't think like that. 

Sorry again. )


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Oh it's fine really  I didn't understand your language situation I get you now... Yeah I mean occasionally she looks at me for like 3 seconds or so, I usually pull away in like the first second


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## PaysageDHiver (Jun 18, 2011)

It's promising, but not obvious. I've been in this situation before and found out they weren't into me.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Sounds like she is shy and I find that cute.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> • She always sits opposite me. Always...
> 
> • when we were alone I got up and was about to leave, and she said not to leave her alone.


These were the two things that made me think she likes. Not so much, the eye contact. I agree it's not 100% clear, though. There's only one way to find out, man... I like going the 'just putting it all out there' route. I.E. I will say something like 'I think you are really cute. Maybe we could go out for dinner and drinks this weekend?' Obviously, this may be a little too nerve-wracking for some. I have just been able to start doing this the last couple years. In high school I never even talked to girls. They would try to talk to me but I would be too nervous to hold up a conversation. And now I do OK with the girls. So, you're doing way better than me, man. You'll be a lady killer in a few years once you get this SA under control
But, back to your situation. It sounds to me like you are in a neutral/friend zone with her, right now. You are probably too nervous to overtly flirt with her. I say you have to express your interest in her if you ever want to be more than just friends. You don't have to go the 'putting it all out there' route. But, you could drop small hints. Give her small compliments when you see her (Can't go overboard with this becuz then you come off as desperate and demonstrate low value as a potential mate.) you can say things like 'you look great today ' or 'I never told you this b4 but you have the most beautiful eyes. Just wanted to throw that out there'. Don't worry about doing this, girls love compliments. Even if she doesn't like you, she won't think you're weird for saying nice things about her. It will probably make her day.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

She's also been a little playful too, she has used a paintbrush to dab some paint on my hand for fun. And she once came up to me asking if she had paint on her face  even though she was standing in front of the mirror seconds before... She's playful with everyone but this was before I really started making small talk with her...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

She is quite shy  and she is cute too...


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> • She always sits opposite me. Always...
> 
> • when we were alone I got up and was about to leave, and she said not to leave her alone.


These were the two things that made me think she likes. Not so much, the eye contact. I agree it's not 100% clear, though. There's only one way to find out, man... I like going the 'just putting it all out there' route. I.E. I will say something like 'I think you are really cute. Maybe we could go out for dinner and drinks this weekend?' Obviously, this may be a little too nerve-wracking for some. I have just been able to start doing this the last couple years. In high school I never even talked to girls. They would try to talk to me but I would be too nervous to hold up a conversation. And now I do OK with the girls. So, you're doing way better than me, man. You'll be a lady killer in a few years once you get this SA under control
But, back to your situation. It sounds to me like you are in a neutral/friend zone with her, right now. You are probably too nervous to overtly flirt with her. I say you have to express your interest in her if you ever want to be more than just friends. You don't have to go the 'putting it all out there' route. But, you could drop small hints. Give her small compliments when you see her (Can't go overboard with this becuz then you come off as desperate and demonstrate low value as a potential mate.) you can say things like 'you look great today ' or 'I never told you this b4 but you have the most beautiful eyes. Just wanted to throw that out there'. Don't worry about doing this, girls love compliments. Even if she doesn't like you, she won't think you're weird for saying nice things about her. In fact, it will probably make her day.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Get to the being friends stage before taking it further.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> I told her about seeing the turner prize, and just said have you been and that it was awesome, I also said if you want more info just ask, you know could be easily interpreted as friend talk. Also yes I am trying to talk to other girls too, but I am not attracted to anyone else at the minute.


Yeah I was 100% with you until you got to the if you want more info just ask part. That kind of talk will def. lead you into the just friends zone. I like that you asked her question, though. Girls love to talk about themselves, which is great for guys like us, because it makes it extremely easy for us. Just ask more questions and appear interested and you don't have to talk about yourself too much. Ok now if she replies and seems interested in the topic. You can start asking her questions about it. If she's been-what did you think about it? etc. etc. And if she appears interested in it you can finish with 'We should check it out together sometime?' If she's not interested though, don't even waste your time asking questions.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> She is quite shy  and she is cute too...


I just wrote another post too b4 the last one but it got blocked by spam filter and has to be approved by a mod:stu So it will probably show up shortly lol


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Rossy said:


> Get to the being friends stage before taking it further.


Never do this. Once your in the friends stage it's extremely difficult to get out.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Also when I ended the message I sent her it was like this, "I can tell you more about it if you want" which I though would hint a little that I like talking to her... :/


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

New2LA said:


> Never do this. Once your in the friends stage it's extremely difficult to get out.


I don't believe in the "friend zone". If the girl is attracted to you, I see no reason why you can't move from friends to something more. Maybe a girl can chime in and prove differently but I don't believe in it. Maybe some girls think that way. But I have seen instances, even accounts told by guys on SAS, of guys that have befriended a girl and then things progressed into something more. I see nothing wrong with getting to know and befriend someone before taking things to the next level. Guys have this sense of urgency to escalate. But you shouldn't force it. Let it flow naturally.


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Help please said:


> Also when I ended the message I sent her it was like this, "I can tell you more about it if you want" which I though would hint a little that I like talking to her... :/


That can be interpreted as a hint, but you can also say something a bit more pronounced, like "I'd be happy to tell you more if you're interested", "I like to talk with you" and so on. There is no harm in being a little bit more friendly, benevolent and appreciative in a way you communicate. If you occasionally mention how great it is to talk with her, there is no harm in that. It's not even flirting, it's just a small flattering statement that makes one feel better. 

I've said once to a girl I had a crush on (I'm just her friend though), after a particularly nice conversation (I don't clearly recall the subject, it was about something neutral but important, like views on friendship), that it's always great to talk with her, that she's the only one I know with such a nice, kind and empathizing attitude, and it's always pleasant to share opinions with such a nice person. I honestly felt that way. She was flattered and smiled beautifully. It's a thing to say that is appropriate even if you're just friends. 

Of course, everything you say should be honest, so I'm not trying to make you say something specific. If you don't feel that way, don't say that, but if you do, don't hide it too much. Cheers! 



Help please said:


> So if you were to judge the situation, out of 10 how much do you think she likes me, it's easier to know a rough indication so I can sum it up, won't be entirely accurate but you know...


I don't think we can give you even a rough number, we're not in position to judge that much. First, because it would be an improper thing to do: do you really want someone to decide for you whether it is safe or not to pursue this relationship? Second, because we, honestly, don't have the perspective and knowledge to judge your situation with that kind of confidence. Could be anything (I'd give something like an interval between 6,5 and 10). Oh, and also, even if we could give your some number, it won't be a reliable reference, as the attitude of someone is not a constant. Who knows, maybe that number will go +3 in an hour because of your actions. 



Help please said:


> Also what should I do next, I can't just straight flat ask her out, she may not want that, and I'd rather do it in person. Because if I do it over IM and she ignores of declines then I know I'll regret it... As for the drinks part I can't do - I'm 17 - I do know we are going on a field trip soon to a university. Anything I can do? Thanks.


I'm not entirely sure if I understand the "going out" term correctly, but isn't that just a casual, friendly thing to do? It's not a date, it doesn't necessarily require some kind of a formal proposition, right? How can you spend some time together? Well, from your situation I'd think of something like walking together after school, or (if you have large break in your school) spending that break together (like going to a park and having a nice time talking, or having lunch together). If it's a day off, offer to meet somewhere, or help her with something.

Do you have her phone number, by the way? Do you share some activities outside school? Do you live far away from school or just go there on foot?

As about drinks - sure, it's absolutely all right not to drink. It's by no means a mandatory activity, especially if it's illegal yet. Myself, I prefer something alcohol-free too. 

As about the field trip - I think it's a great opportunity to experience something together. Be with her, sure. 



phoenixwright said:


> I don't believe in the "friend zone". If the girl is attracted to you, I see no reason why you can't move from friends to something more. Maybe a girl can chime in and prove differently but I don't believe in it. Maybe some girls think that way. But I have seen instances, even accounts told by guys on SAS, of guys that have befriended a girl and then things progressed into something more. I see nothing wrong with getting to know and befriend someone before taking things to the next level. Guys have this sense of urgency to escalate. But you shouldn't force it. Let it flow naturally.


Thanks, you made me feel a little bit better about my own situation. I really appreciate it. )


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## mr hoang (Aug 14, 2011)

I want you to check out david deangelo. Double your dating. You can google it. I believe it will really help you out.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> I don't believe in the "friend zone". If the girl is attracted to you, I see no reason why you can't move from friends to something more. Maybe a girl can chime in and prove differently but I don't believe in it. Maybe some girls think that way. But I have seen instances, even accounts told by guys on SAS, of guys that have befriended a girl and then things progressed into something more. I see nothing wrong with getting to know and befriend someone before taking things to the next level. Guys have this sense of urgency to escalate. But you shouldn't force it. Let it flow naturally.


I disagree. I mean if you start out as friends you can eventually progress the relationship sure. But, if there's a girl you are talking to that is attracted to you why would you want to become friends, first? And then try to progress it later. That seems like it would be much more difficult...I agree with letting it flow naturally though.



ahcookies said:


> That can be interpreted as a hint, but you can also say something a bit more pronounced, like "I'd be happy to tell you more if you're interested", "I like to talk with you" and so on. There is no harm in being a little bit more friendly, benevolent and appreciative in a way you communicate. If you occasionally mention how great it is to talk with her, there is no harm in that. It's not even flirting, it's just a small flattering statement that makes one feel better.
> 
> I've said once to a girl I had a crush on (I'm just her friend though), after a particularly nice conversation (I don't clearly recall the subject, it was about something neutral but important, like views on friendship), that it's always great to talk with her, that she's the only one I know with such a nice, kind and empathizing attitude, and it's always pleasant to share opinions with such a nice person. I honestly felt that way. She was flattered and smiled beautifully. It's a thing to say that is appropriate even if you're just friends.
> 
> Of course, everything you say should be honest, so I'm not trying to make you say something specific. If you don't feel that way, don't say that, but if you do, don't hide it too much. Cheers!


This^


Help please said:


> Also when I ended the message I sent her it was like this, "I can tell you more about it if you want" which I though would hint a little that I like talking to her... :/


For some reason, It sounded much worse in my head. That's actually pretty good.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> So if you were to judge the situation, out of 10 how much do you think she likes me, it's easier to know a rough indication so I can sum it up, won't be entirely accurate but you know... Also what should I do next, I can't just straight flat ask her out, she may not want that, and I'd rather do it in person. Because if I do it over IM and she ignores of declines then I know I'll regret it... As for the drinks part I can't do - I'm 17 - I do know we are going on a field trip soon to a university. Anything I can do? Thanks.


Yeah it's hard to gauge that man. But, she has shown a little bit of interest in you, at least. So that's a good sign. Aww man this is tough. I don't know if I can give you any advice on the field trip thing. But, at the minimum, that is a good excuse to talk to her. And it's too bad you're not old enough to drink, yet. Alcohol always helps when talking to girls lol. Not just for you but it also makes the girl more talkative and easy-going.

Yeah i'm not sure what advice to give you specific to your situation. I never talked to girls in HS lol so this a different realm for me. I'll tell you how I get girls now though and you can pick and choose what you like. And maybe it will work for you, it seems to work fairly well for me. OK so you're already talking to the girl, so the hardest part is over. No ice-breakers needed. After, the ice-breaker, I start off by just asking the girl questions and trying to relate to her. You can even stretch the truth, it doesn't matter. You can even flat out lie if you want. But, I try not to do that. For instance, I met a cute girl asian girl today at the laundry place of my apartments. I asked her how long she lived here, if she liked it, yada yada yada. Asked her where she was from and she said Korea. So, I said, 'Oh I've been to Korea. I was in Incheon, last summer. I love it there' (Which was not a complete lie. I was in Korea. But, only for a few hours. Just had to switch planes there lol) At this point, her eyes got huge and she got the biggest smile on her face and was like, 'OMG REALLY?!' After that, the conversation flowed so smoothly, it was great. So just find ways like that to relate to whatever she's saying. Tell her whatever she wants to hear without overtly lying too much  lol


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Thanks for your comments everybody is really helping  

By the way I am at college, in the uk we leave secondary school or (high school in the USA) at 16... The legal drinking age is 18 but I have no intrest in drinking anyway 

I could say I enjoy talking to her, I'll see if she responds to my message (fingers crossed 

Thanks once again!


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Sounds good man! Let us know if she responds  Don't get discouraged if she doesn't reply right away, though. If I like a girl I will sometimes ignore there message for a day or two, just so I don't appear too interested. I think girls do this too.
Also, something I was going to add to my last post, that I forgot. You should make fun of her. But, in a playful way, of course. Girls like it, for some strange reason. It's a good way to flirt with girls. If she has a dorky laugh, let her know. Just don't make fun of her physical appearance lol that's a lil touchy. Although, I have had friends say some mean **** like that to girls in the club and I was like  But, at the end of the night the girl went home with him, so go figure.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> Oh in the message I also used her name since she uses mine...


Don't over think it! lol


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Thanks I will keep everybody posted


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

New2LA said:


> Sounds good man! Let us know if she responds  Don't get discouraged if she doesn't reply right away, though. If I like a girl I will sometimes ignore there message for a day or two, just so I don't appear too interested. I think girls do this too.
> Also, something I was going to add to my last post, that I forgot. You should make fun of her. But, in a playful way, of course. Girls like it, for some strange reason. It's a good way to flirt with girls. If she has a dorky laugh, let her know. Just don't make fun of her physical appearance lol that's a lil touchy. Although, I have had friends say some mean **** like that to girls in the club and I was like  But, at the end of the night the girl went home with him, so go figure.


I'm not a fan of this stuff. It's too PUA-like. The "when to message" thing should not be left to some one-day/two-day rule. It depends on the girl. If she's the type to text frequently and you dig her, then reciprocate. If she's not responding to you in a timely manner, then you will feel nothing but frustration and resentment if you get back to her too quickly and invest too much into her.

As for the making fun of her in a playful way. That depends on your natural personality. I don't follow the "neg" thing or David DeAngelo's "cocky comedy". Making fun of people in a playful way is just a natural part of my personality. Sometimes I go overboard too. lol. Like I'll say something that flat-out offends the other person or the other person (this happened with a friend recently) will get irritated with me if I'm clowning around too much.



mr hoang said:


> I want you to check out david deangelo. Double your dating. You can google it. I believe it will really help you out.


I think Man Transformation is better. But that video is way too long. lol. I don't believe in some of DD's philosophies. His idea of a "total 10" is different from my idea of a "total 10". His material focuses on highly attractive women who play mind games and give you "tests". And his methods take a "one-size-fits-all" approach towards viewing women. Each individual woman is different. Using DD philosophy on some women will alienate them. Especially if you dated a girl with say SA (OP's girl seems to be on the shy side. Not SA though). But there are some parts of his philosophy I agree with.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I still think about her a lot, and i sometimes dont sleep well, but i have toned down a little bit. but if she doesn't acknowledge me or recoupriate my feelings for a while, eventually I will have to move on  like everybody else, otherwise it will get unhealthy.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

And for an earlier question no she doesn't have SA, she talks quite openly to close friends, and she seems to bond quickly...


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Don't obsess over her. Don't put her on a pedestal. Heck you two are not even bf/gf yet.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I am aware of that, I have decided to slow down and just see if it happens...


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> I am aware of that, I have decided to slow down and just see if it happens...


 I think that is a good idea, man.


phoenixwright said:


> I'm not a fan of this stuff. It's too PUA-like. The "when to message" thing should not be left to some one-day/two-day rule. It depends on the girl. If she's the type to text frequently and you dig her, then reciprocate. If she's not responding to you in a timely manner, then you will feel nothing but frustration and resentment if you get back to her too quickly and invest too much into her.


 I agree with all of this. What is PUA?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I admit I don't fully understand PUH either, sorry quotee...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

She said she would love to hear more!


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I waited 7 mins to respond, then answered briefly, then logged out and then back in...


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Great to hear she'd like that. 

By the way, you don't necessarily have to make pauses in online conversations. Don't worry, sending an answer as soon as it's ready can't be interpreted as looking desperate (or whatever other reason you're doing that for). Being polite and not storming one's inbox with like 60 messages per second is really all you have to keep in mind.  

It's also nicer to have a real-time conversation: the more time passes between the messages, the more asynchronized and impersonal communication becomes. When you're chatting, you know that your partner is thinking of you right now, probably typing an answer, concentrated on conversation with you. It's a lot better than keeping a conversation in a slow, e-mail like manner which offers only a small involvement and great distance.

Still, if a girl likes to think about her answers for long, or doesn't seem to be willing to chat in real time - then, of course, you don't need to press the conversation's pace. But, again, there is nothing impolite or creepy in answering her quickly.

Also, if you'll meet in person soon (like, tomorrow at college), why not tell her something like "Great to hear you're interested, I'll be sure to tell you everything tomorrow "? Wouldn't it be nicer to discuss the event together, really?


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Sounds like she likes you but maybe only as a friend. Hard to tell.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I am on christmas break, I won't see her in person for 2 weeks


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Stilla. Hmmmmm.


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Ah, if it's Christmas break, then of course - it's fine to discuss it over facebook or something like that. 

By the way, sorry for asking again - are you living far away from each other, or relatively close? I might have a suggestion for you...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Well, about 6 ish miles I think, love to hear the suggestion though


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> She said she would love to hear more!


Nice man! Now you raid your parents liquor stash, invite her over, and practice making babies:banana LoL Jk.


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Well, I guess you know what I'd suggest. Do you have any, ahem, "neutral territory" between your living places? Like a coffee house, park, cinema, high street, etc. If there is a place fitting for casual airing, great. The next question is whether she's very busy on this Christmas break, or just spending time at home. If she's free, awesome.

Then why won't you just ask her during an online chat if she would like to spend time together? Just because you'd like conversations to be personal. And because it would be nice to meet with her. And because it's a great day with nice weather, you were going out anyway, and thought maybe she would like to join you. Or because it's Christmas soon, you're going to some shops to find presents, and it would be nice if she will be able to help you with advice. Or something else along the lines, - it's not hard to find the reason to meet.

Besides, it's Christmas, I think the time is great. All the decorations on the street, all that good-natured and kind mood will make a nice experience.  You'll have an opportunity to talk about Turner prize and much more.

Oh, and I have to say that meeting like that in no way implies that you're pressing her to some kind of relationship. Meeting with a friend during holidays is absolutely normal. Although, yes, it can improve your chances if the mood is right. 

Can you try it? If you don't think it's possible, can you tell me about the obstacles you see?

Cheers! 

P.S.: Do you have her phone number? It would be nicer to ask about this over a phone rather than facebook. You know, that would be better for you: then you won't have to worry about possible misinterpretation of your offer. Facebook doesn't share the intonation and all that, which is important. If she heard your suggestion in that sincere and confident intonation, there is no way you can bug yourself for possibly seeming creepy. And it's likely she will agree, too.

Sorry if I'm overcomplicating everything. Just trying to cover every possible scenario.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

This sounds like good advice^ Do this.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

We kinda live in a dead spot 

As for the number, no don't have it...

Tbh I wouldn't be comfortable just yet asking her to go somewhere with me.
I would like to go back to college, get to know her more, and when the time is right in perhaps 5-6 weeks tell her how I feel, if I still feel the same


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I just don't feel we are there yet


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Help please said:


> We kinda live in a dead spot
> 
> As for the number, no don't have it...
> 
> ...


Oh, well. You don't necessarily need a downtown to have a nice time. Perhaps there is a nice park, or a lake, or something like that? 

Though, sure, if you'd like to delay going out a bit, it's fine. By the way, do you have some kind of a task for the college, meant to be made on Christmas break? If you have, you can ask her if she'd like to study together: meet in college library (or at your place  ). Ok, even without meeting her, college tasks are a valid topic for conversation. Ask for help, ask if you can help her with something too. Helping each other makes you closer, improves trust, etc., so it's a great thing to do anyway.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Ok, I'm too shy 

How about I ask maybe in a few days how she is finding the set college task?

Maybe ask a questions about it


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Besides my family is too nosy/dysfunctional to offer even if I was ok with it 

As for college it has had a complete lockdown


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Help please said:


> How about I ask maybe in a few days how she is finding the set college task? Maybe ask a questions about it


Do it right in the next conversation. Without waiting for 7 minutes, yes. 

***

As you don't have her number, another thing to do on this Christmas break would be to get it. It's a natural and easy thing to do, there is nothing creepy or implicating in asking for a number. I have numbers of every girl in my university group and there is nothing really meaningful or romantic about that.

I think it would be nice to ask for it in the second half of the Christmas break, motivating it casually, but nicely. Like, I haven't heard a friendly voice for a long time and it would be great to talk like we used in college. I think she would be happy to talk with you too.


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## mistyeyes (Oct 27, 2011)

mr hoang said:


> I agree, I think she likes you, and I think give her some space. Make yourself a challenge, girls like that. Let her chase you. Also don't do things to seek her approval. Goodluck


Girls don't chase. Especially shy ones.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

What if I offer my number first, then I could get hers in return easily via phone call recents?


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> What if I offer my number first, then I could get hers in return easily via phone call recents?


No ask for hers instead. Also, putting it off for 5-6 weeks is just an excuse because you're nervous. You just have to go for it, man. Or you will regret it the rest of your life. If you put it off for another month 'until you're ready' then you're just going to find another excuse in a month. And it will never happen. Now is the time! Seize the day!:yes


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Sure, you can do that. Though, it's a bit too easy, and it would be better for you to ask it yourself. Just to achieve a bit of confidence, you know. Come on, wouldn't you be happier if she gives you the number like that?


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Hmmm  I could just picture it, "hey could I have your number" (awkward silence) "damn"


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Help please said:


> Hmmm  I could just picture it, "hey could I have your number" (awkward silence) "damn"


"Sure you can, here." )

Stop inventing worst case scenarios, really. It's not that big deal to worry about. )


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Ok I know I will eventually have to ask 

But until then I feel like asking her another question, to allow us to bond more, I know how she likes wolves, how could I start a conversation on that? She's offline at the min but she is rarely online...

How about this

Hey (name here), I've heard you draw wolves, do you mind showing me some of your work. I could upload mine too...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Then I could compliment her work, which would lead to a closer relationship, which would lead to trust etc...


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## anotherusername (Nov 5, 2011)

Good!  Sure, you can do that.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Message sent  now I wait lol


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

On a different note I feel like uploading an avatar pic


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

I can see this def. heading to the friend zone..


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## ThisGuy (Jul 13, 2010)

A girl liking you doesn't mean she's fallen in love with you. You have to seize the opportunity and see if you can connect with her on a deeper level. I know it's hard, but you're gonna have to step up to the plate and take some chances.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

New2LA said:


> I can see this def. heading to the friend zone..


Sorry man that sounded kinda douchey. What I meant to say is I don't feel like you're pushing yourself hard enough. You're trying to talk to her while staying in your comfort zone, as much as possible. I feel like this will assuredly lead to you guys being nothing more than friends. You got to step outside your comfort zone and grab life by the balls. Ask her out, it will show confidence and girls like confidence. Even if you don't have any, fake it until you make it. Gotta take some chances and step outside of your comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone hasn't worked too well for you so far in life, right? I know it hasn't for me.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

If it does end up being stuck in the friend zone, it would suck but I guess It wouldn't be that bad, don't get me wrong I would love it to turn into a relationship, but if it doesn't at least I'd have made a female friend. I have very little female friends, plus I don't want to come on too strong, she seems like the type of girl who could be easily freaked out, she knows it's not in my personality to be talkative...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I'm new at this game


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

New2LA said:


> Sorry man that sounded kinda douchey. What I meant to say is I don't feel like you're pushing yourself hard enough. You're trying to talk to her while staying in your comfort zone, as much as possible. I feel like this will assuredly lead to you guys being nothing more than friends. You got to step outside your comfort zone and grab life by the balls. Ask her out, it will show confidence and girls like confidence. Even if you don't have any, fake it until you make it. Gotta take some chances and step outside of your comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone hasn't worked too well for you so far in life, right? I know it hasn't for me.


I don't believe in faking it until you make it. I think the most important thing in a relationship, any relationship, including friendship, is to become comfortable with that person. That doesn't mean staying within your comfort zone. I'm talking about expanding your comfort zone to include that person. Faking it until you make it won't last. The girl will see right through that eventually. There's no substitute for improving self-confidence authentically.

If you go into dating with a "I have to be this, this and that to attract women" mentality, you won't be truly comfortable with women. You might even hate women.

I find that the main reason why I have difficulty relating to other people is that I'm not comfortable with them. I see social situations as a hostile environment. I think, "I can't talk too much about myself because they will think I have no life and that I'm a loser." Guess what? If you think like that, you're never going to be comfortable.

I think the important thing as someone with SA is not to be preoccupied with trying to fit a mold or impress other people. I think the important thing is to _accept yourself_ and _give other people a chance_. Don't assume other people will reject you. Don't walk into social situations fearing that the other person may judge you negatively.

At my age, I'm kinda stuck in between hope and resigned bitterness. There's a part of me that has this hope that I will form a rewarding relationship with a woman and rewarding friendships. But there's another part of me that has misanthropic tendencies and assumes that everyone will judge me and that those people are not worth befriending and that those women are not worth getting into a relationship with. But what do you get from resigned misanthropic bitterness? Keeping your pride intact? Protecting your fragile ego? Is pride and ego worth sacrificing YOUR LIFE? I think if we need to get better we have to swallow our pride and check the ego at the door. I'm afraid that taking action will confirm the negative thoughts that I assume other people have about me. And I let this fear rule my life. I operate under the assumption that I live in a hostile environment with no allies. "No woman would want me because of my life situation." "Other people probably pity me at best because of my life situation."

I find that focusing on improving my life situation and ignoring the improving my self-esteem and attitudes about other people part hasn't been giving me the results that I need. Because I operate under the assumption that other people will look down on me unless I improve my life situation. And if I do that, I assume other people are hostile towards me and I don't feel comfortable and lose motivation. And if I don't feel comfortable, I screw up at job interviews, I screw up socially, I find it difficult to keep my calm in situations that other people don't find too stressful (ie. driving), etc. That's not to say that you shouldn't focus on improving your life situation. But you also have to make an effort to view yourself AND others in a more positive light. Because that's at the root of why the life situation sucks.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> I don't believe in faking it until you make it. I think the most important thing in a relationship, any relationship, including friendship, is to become comfortable with that person. That doesn't mean staying within your comfort zone. I'm talking about expanding your comfort zone to include that person. Faking it until you make it won't last. The girl will see right through that eventually. There's no substitute for improving self-confidence authentically.
> 
> If you go into dating with a "I have to be this, this and that to attract women" mentality, you won't be truly comfortable with women. You might even hate women.
> 
> ...


I didn't mean actually trying to fake anything. I just meant push yourself into situations that someone with confidence would find easy but we may mind awkward. I'm not telling him to be anything he isn't already. My advice is for him to be himself but be aggressive and talk to her, ask her questions etc. The only way to get comfortable doing this is to force yourself to do this and it'll get a lil less awkward each time. "expanding your comfort zone to include the girl" sounds like a load of BS to me, sorry. That sounds like something someone who is very passive and timid around girls would say. We have to force ourselves to be aggressive or we will never get the chick. If we listened to our brain and 'did what was comfortable' we would probably never leave the house, right?


Help please said:


> I'm new at this game


Yeah no worries man. You're in high school still. You're doing way better than I ever did at that point in time.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Thanks for the answer, a lot of different mixed opinions to consider. Tbh I don't have a clue what to do next? Someone always contradicts the previous post etc... But thanks anyway.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

But tbh I think it's going well


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

ThisGuy said:


> A girl liking you doesn't mean she's fallen in love with you. You have to seize the opportunity and see if you can connect with her on a deeper level. I know it's hard, but you're gonna have to step up to the plate and take some chances.


This is what I was trying to say. Better than I could of ever said it


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I am taking this advice and running with it


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Help please said:


> Thanks for the answer, a lot of different mixed opinions to consider. Tbh I don't have a clue what to do next? Someone always contradicts the previous post etc... But thanks anyway.


Well I'm pretty sure most of these guys giving advice are in the same boat as you when it comes to women. So take that into consideration.



Help please said:


> I am taking this advice and running with it


Nice man! You can do it! Gogogogogo


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Thing is she is hardly online to chat, and I don't want to bombard her with messages.

What should be the next logical step, i mean sometimes i have my doubts, sometimes i get really shy, sometimes i get a boost of confidence...


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

New2LA said:


> I didn't mean actually trying to fake anything. I just meant push yourself into situations that someone with confidence would find easy but we may mind awkward. I'm not telling him to be anything he isn't already. My advice is for him to be himself but be aggressive and talk to her, ask her questions etc. The only way to get comfortable doing this is to force yourself to do this and it'll get a lil less awkward each time. "expanding your comfort zone to include the girl" sounds like a load of BS to me, sorry. That sounds like something someone who is very passive and timid around girls would say. We have to force ourselves to be aggressive or we will never get the chick. If we listened to our brain and 'did what was comfortable' we would probably never leave the house, right?


I'm not saying that you should stay within your comfort zone. But expand it. This guy is constantly worrying about making the wrong move with this girl. That is not good. I think every "normal" guy worries about making the wrong move to some extent. But I think he's going overboard. He needs to expand his comfort zone. Get out of this mindset he has where he's so hung up on every single move he makes with a girl. It's as if he's viewing her as this hostile creature that will drop him at the drop of a hat. That he has to make all the right moves to win over her approval. I think we need to get away from that if our goal is to relate with other people. We need to give other people a chance. See them, including girls, as friendly creatures. Easier said than done when you have SA.

I think he should try flirting with her (naturally, not forced) to get an idea of where he stands with her. Before he asks her out. If she's the shy type, she might not be the flirty type though. But it wouldn't hurt. If I were him, I probably would have flirted with her ages ago though.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

It's just I've never had a girlfriend before, and I really think I have a good shot with her...

I have only felt this way before when I was at school, there was this girl I kinda had a thing for  but she had a bf and I had extremely low self esteem (which has improved since) she never knew and she never will, but I just don't want to screw up...


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

This thread is getting stale... So I'll keep you updated for those who are interested... Thanks to everyone, you have all helped me and have given me a nudge to risk it... I feel really good about this 

Goodbye.


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

I'll probably make a new thread in a while... Because I still have q's to ask... Like feb 14th etc... Hey it's like a mini drama  stay tuned lol!

Thanks once again


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

Dude I'll be checking in  I'm not sure if I'm giving good advice or not but if you have any questions I'll be happy to try my best. I have a lot invested in this lol. I want to find out what happens. I feel like I'm trying to get my lil brother a girl or something lol


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

Lol


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## Help please (Dec 9, 2011)

My new thread, 'what now I'm shy' is live in the same forum topic


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