# Choosing to be happy



## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

I think a lot of people have the misconception that choosing happiness means that you will feel elated and have a perma-smile plastered on your face all the time.

That is not what choosing happiness means. A happy person is someone who feels all emotions; sadness, regret, shame, hurt, fear, jealousy, inadequacy, etc. and accepts that as humans, we all feel these emotions. Choosing to be happy is not easy. It's difficult, because you have to be self-aware (sometimes brutally so) to really connect with all of your own feelings and thoughts. But the more you do this, the more you come to accept your own failings as just part of the human condition. At that point, you learn one of the most difficult parts of choosing happiness. Forgiving others, and then finally yourself. When you are able to do that, you understand what choosing happiness really is.

I hope this will give others some insight. You are free to disagree with me. I understand, because I know how difficult this is. And perhaps I am wrong. Maybe it won't work for you. But it certainly has for me.


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## Arcases (Nov 20, 2015)

happiness always comes when you're high , whatever gets you high makes you happy


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

Well said, and I agree.


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## SilkyJay (Jul 6, 2015)

Discard you're a good person, a nice lady with a good soul. A beautiful woman. Don't talk bad about yourself or your appearance you angel. Random, yes. but had to be said.


Well written thread tho, You make a lot of sense. We could all use some of that around here, everywhere. Thank you


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

I personally choose to be cynical:










But cheers to you and the boat upon which you float . <-- that's not really a smile, by the way (LOL)


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## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

zonebox said:


> Well said, and I agree.


Thank you. 


SilkyJay10 said:


> Discard you're a good person, a nice lady with a good soul. A beautiful woman. Don't talk bad about yourself or your appearance you angel. Random, yes. but had to be said.
> 
> Well written thread tho, You make a lot of sense. We could all use some of that around here, everywhere. Thank you


Oh, I am far from being an angel, but thank you so much for your kind words and support. It means a lot to me, much more than you will probably ever realize.


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## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

vsaxena said:


> I personally choose to be cynical:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey, I understand. I'm an old cynic myself sometimes.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

I agree


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## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

meepie said:


> I agree



I love your sig, by the way.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yep, happiness is a choice. Its all about living in the present moment and stop comparing our lives to others.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Acceptance leads to contentment. Good relationships bring happiness.

The Buddha once said, "Noble friends and companions are the whole of the holy life."


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Maybe you can choose when you've got the raw materials to work with... like a person with a lump of clay can choose to make a pot or something else. But when you are crushed by the weight of your own failure, your own goddamn incompetence...? When you can't even get the simplest of jobs, let alone succeed at it? And then you get SSI under your dead dad's name, but you have to give it to your mom? And still she comes begging for money because you live in abject poverty? And your environment has always sucked? And your body is weak and your mind is faulty? And you've been screwed up from birth because every single damn thing goes wrong and you've been so compromised?

And maybe, maybe that all would have been tolerable if you weren't alone. If you could hold onto love and friendship. But this is not the fate of a mute, broken person. Such a person exists only to die.


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## switchwhich (Jan 5, 2016)

minimized said:


> Maybe you can choose when you've got the raw materials to work with...


I think you should be proud that you're someone your mom relies on, someone that can at least offer her something, regardless of the circumstances. Especially if you've had to fight and overcome adversity to get to this point. But that's just my two cents


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## StevendeBoer (May 8, 2015)

True words, thanks for sharing!


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## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

minimized said:


> Maybe you can choose when you've got the raw materials to work with... like a person with a lump of clay can choose to make a pot or something else. But when you are crushed by the weight of your own failure, your own goddamn incompetence...? When you can't even get the simplest of jobs, let alone succeed at it? And then you get SSI under your dead dad's name, but you have to give it to your mom? And still she comes begging for money because you live in abject poverty? And your environment has always sucked? And your body is weak and your mind is faulty? And you've been screwed up from birth because every single damn thing goes wrong and you've been so compromised?
> 
> And maybe, maybe that all would have been tolerable if you weren't alone. If you could hold onto love and friendship. But this is not the fate of a mute, broken person. Such a person exists only to die.


It sounds like you have had a hard life, and I probably can't relate to some of it. I live in poverty myself. I have to rely on my mom for shelter, and I've only been able to keep a job in the last couple of years. And it's no great job, either. It's part-time retail, just a store associate. Nothing to brag about. Some of us have it harder in life than others. I can't say why. It's not fair that this is so. But be kind to yourself, be kind to your mother even if she is not kind to you. You do have the tools to become the person you want to be. And you are definitely not alone. It may seem that you are, but I get you. I know how you feel inside, even if I haven't experienced everything you may have. 


Kevin001 said:


> Yep, happiness is a choice. Its all about living in the present moment and stop comparing our lives to others.


This is true. I must seek the life that I want, which for me is very different than the life most people want. 


Maslow said:


> Acceptance leads to contentment. Good relationships bring happiness.
> 
> The Buddha once said, "Noble friends and companions are the whole of the holy life."


And the first good relationship to develop is one with yourself. 


StevendeBoer said:


> True words, thanks for sharing!


You're welcome.


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