# Do you recognize flirting?



## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

How easily can you tell when someone is flirting with you? What is flirting vs just banter? What do you do if you suspect someone is flirting with you but you aren't sure(and you're not interested)? Can't just say stop, that's risky if you're wrong you'll be humiliated. 

Also, when old guys flirt(or banter?) with young girls, do they actually expect something to happen? Or is it more like just for fun, ego boost and then leave? Like what's the goal there?


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

I can tell, yes. If I'm not sure if someone is flirting with me I'll banter in a way that seems non-serious, but which will cause them to back off if they don't want to venture into romantic/sexual topics with me.


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## rockiscool (Jun 23, 2014)

not until it's too late


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

failoutboy said:


> Not usually. The only thing I know for sure is flirting is when someone smiles and raises their eyebrows up and down repeatedly.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Obviously I do. lol Like I have been in situations where men would make creepy excuses to speak to me or they would stare at me and then when I accidentally make eye contact with them, sometimes they would smile at me. uuuhhh wtf. or if they have a smile on their face in general. I don't know.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I think a lot of times I can tell when a girl is flirting with me but not always. And sometimes when I can tell and even if the girl is attractive, I know she is too young for me so I sort of pretend like I don't notice her flirting.

Where I work there was this girl last summer who was from an outside company going around doing surveys of the customers. Anyway she was very attractive but I knew she was too young for me (she was about 19-20) but she kept trying to make me notice her and I kept pretending not to. 

She even walked behind me and did one of those pretend throat clearings like *ahem* until I turned around and looked at her. She smiled at me and sort of did a slight head nod and kept walking. There are some instances where I've had another female inform me that a girl was flirting with me after the fact and I was like "what really?" - so there's that.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I'm really trying to figure ways to identify when someone's trying to flirt, and when they're not. It seems like there's a huge grey area between clearly flirting - and - innocent joking. And what if someone says, like, an innocent joke but does it in a voice that you usually hear for flirting things?


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Gwynevere said:


> I'm really trying to figure ways to identify when someone's trying to flirt, and when they're not. It seems like there's a huge grey area between clearly flirting - and - innocent joking. And what if someone says, like, an innocent joke but does it in a voice that you usually hear for flirting things?


Sometimes I'm not sure. People's motivations are beyond me sometimes. I think usually I can feel a certain vibe from the girl or certain ways she looks at me or smiles at me.

Can't explain it very well, and like I said, sometimes I don't recognize when a girl is flirting with me.


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

Usually I can tell, but sometimes I'm unsure. My anxiety usually prevents me from reciprocating, even if I really like her.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

No. Blind as a bat when it comes to that. Can't take a hint lol. Probably cause everyone freaks me out anyway.


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## gamingpup (Jul 10, 2013)

No I don't think so... Though I'm not sure anyone has actually tried flirting with me yet.


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

Yep. Usually if she starts eating a banana. If you guys want anymore tips just send me a PM.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

No, I've worked in call center jobs before with tons of girls and I would have friends telling me that this girl was totally checking me out/etc and I was always like "really?"

Unless they are pretty obvious about it, it can be kind of a grey area. Even if they are unless you're 100% sure it feels really weird to mention it, and even then its usually easier just to not deal with it unless you really like them a lot.


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## Quatermass (Oct 6, 2013)

rockiscool said:


> not until it's too late


Pretty much this.

Most of the time, people have had to tell me someone just flirted with me. And I have no idea how to respond to it. Suddenly every reason I'm not a good catch flashes before my eyes, and I just look away...


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## TheRob (Dec 30, 2006)

rockiscool said:


> not until it's too late


Same here


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

I never can. I think I've been both overeager in assuming a girl has been flirting with me and probably missed a few as well. Mainly because the school I went to was very extroverted, guys and girls interacted a lot and there was a lot of "banter" as you put it. At some point, after assuming a couple girls liked me and realising I was looking into it way too much, I just became really insecure about it and ignored all of it. I never even realised my now girlfriend liked me or was trying to flirt with me until I told her I liked her, I just thought she saw me as a good friend, though looking back, it was obvious she was trying to flirt with me.

I guess you never really know. It might be easy to tell in hindsight, but considering how flirty some people are without having any real intentions behind it and considering how vastly different people's standards for what actually constitutes as flirting are.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes... in general. But if it's someone I'm interested in, I tend to devaluate the situation. "He was probably just being nice like he is to everyone" etc.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Darktower776 said:


> And sometimes when I can tell and even if the girl is attractive, *I know she is too young for me so I sort of pretend like I don't notice her flirting.*


This happens with me and younger guys, too. I make a joke and change the subject.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

Seven questions in the OP!


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

Flirtation is a vulgar activity in which I would never dream of engaging.


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## Ywasi (May 22, 2014)

Somewhat, yes. But relationships and women are scary as hell so I tend to ignore it.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

BadGirl said:


> Seven questions in the OP!


Lol that's just how I do it, most of my threads are like that.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

Gwynevere said:


> Lol that's just how I do it, most of my threads are like that.


It wasn't a criticism... Just me being me, lol.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I'd probably be more likely to notice now but I didn't when I was younger. 

I'll never forget this one time when I was on the bus in like 5th grade or something. This girl went out of her way to sit with me (switched seats with the person who had been sitting there). 

The thing was that she was an extreme tomboy and I didn't even know she was a girl. So I had just been talking to her like I would any guy and she suddenly asked if I would go with her or something to that effect. It took me a minute. I didn't really know what to think. I wasn't used to being asked out and I thought she was a guy. 

I still feel like an idiot for this. I just blurted out "You're a girl?". I don't remember what happened next but it must not have been significant because I know nothing came of it.

Anyway, SUPER awkward!


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## Schmosby (Jan 26, 2014)

Gwynevere said:


> How easily can you tell when someone is flirting with you? What is flirting vs just banter? What do you do if you suspect someone is flirting with you but you aren't sure(and you're not interested)? Can't just say stop, that's risky if you're wrong you'll be humiliated.
> 
> Also, when old guys flirt(or banter?) with young girls, do they actually expect something to happen? Or is it more like just for fun, ego boost and then leave? Like what's the goal there?


I like flirting, I flirt for fun so I guess you would call it banter, It doesn't mean anything, I flirt with guys as well as women, I flirt with younger women, older women, gay women, even women that I dislike.

I don't chase women in general and I tend to not realise when they fancy me, usually I work it out when they either tell me or they make a physical move on me, or other people point it out to me, so clearly I don't read womens signals very well lol, I think I'm as confused as you are :/


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

*NOPE*

I'm oblivious usually, parent's have told me that people have checked me out, but i'm slow at noticing


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

I can usually not notice. But I can when its super obvious. I had a group of girls once come stand by me and started talking to me. I felt very uncomfortable as they were asking so many questions that eventually I just said I was hungry as an excuse to leave.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

SmartCar said:


> I'm oblivious usually, parent's have told me that people have checked me out, but i'm slow at noticing


For me its more like so what, they looked at me, unless I have some decent woman actually bring up something its very hard for me to really do much about it anyway.. There are so many different things in life to deal with anyway that playing the whole rejection game just sucks.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> I can usually not notice. But I can when its super obvious. I had a group of girls once come stand by me and started talking to me. I felt very uncomfortable as they were asking so many questions that eventually I just said I was hungry as an excuse to leave.


You were very diplomatic.


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## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

I can never tell.


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## yna (Jul 27, 2012)

It doesn't happen often but when it does, yeah I can easily tell (usually). And when I do, I'll start avoiding you or be kinda mean to you. :blank


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

I can be incredibly dense and not notice it sometimes. It'll usually be afterwards that my friends tell me or I'll just be thinking about it and realize LOL. But people have different ways of flirting, some more obvious than others.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Maybe  

I'm not much of a flirt myself, so I have no idea what older men expect.

I've always viewed "flirting" as sexually themed small talk, but I suppose it could be more complicated than that.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

nope cant tell I had someone 4 years younger than me flirt with me and did not know till she left and a 50 year old told me she was always flirting with me and I was like huh? and she was not my type


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Funny this thread existed. I have absolutely no idea when someone is flirting with me.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

I can tell. I flirt with young women and basically it is just to gauge interest. If it makes them uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable. But this is why I tend to avoid women with passive flirting styles, ice princesses, and overly "goofy" women I think we differ on flirting style and so forth. I don't find passive flirting styles appealing. I like more sensual women. I think I would see myself with someone similar to the traits I enjoy about myself at my best. Basically passionate, high sex drive, alluring, but not controlling.






^This is a good example. It cannot be faked


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## Lazarusx (Apr 14, 2013)

When i was younger i had no idea.. unknowingly passed up many opportunities by been oblivious.

These days, it's very easy for me to notice.. if a girl keeps staring at me from a distance, i know shes interested.. there's no question. When i realize this i usually take my time and keep chatting to whoever im talking with.. because i know she isn't going anywhere.. then later on i'll casually introduce myself and it's easy from there.

More obvious signs is if the girl in question keeps touching my arm or shoulder, she smiles at me constantly from across the room or close up.. or if she's talking me up to my face.

If a girl is flirting with me that im not interested in.. then i make it clear im not interested.. i do this by directing the conversation away from personal to impersonal topics and checking out other women while shes talking with me.. this lets her know very clearly that im not interested without telling her directly.. and she can either choose to continue on the basis of friends or leave.


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## Termus123 (Jun 29, 2014)

Every time I'm out with a friend of the female gender, she will tell me that this girl or that girl is totally into me and I'm there going huh??? What? Really? What did she even do? I didn't notice anything... Wait... You're trolling me right!? 

"This is why you're single" she replies. 

Sigh...


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Termus123 said:


> Every time I'm out with a friend of the female gender, she will tell me that this girl or that girl is totally into me and I'm there going huh??? What? Really? What did she even do? I didn't notice anything... Wait... You're trolling me right!?
> 
> "This is why you're single" she replies.
> 
> Sigh...


I have given up honestly. I was destined to be alone since birth.


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## Brilliantly Beta (Aug 5, 2012)

I met up with a real cutie. It was only meant to be for some convention group I had been part of and I was getting to know the members. So I met up with this one girl and we hugged and walked and chatted about stuff. I remember thinking "oh she's cute but she seems really mousey so I don't want to frighten her". 

Later on she starts doing things like jabbing me in the side playfully (we hadn't known each other long) and she like brushed my hair out of my eyes. I just continued not knowing how to react suddenly I become the mega shy one lol. When we said goodbye we hugged (initially when we first met she was reluctant to hug me) the hug lasted waaaaaay longer than a friendly hug should of and she just stood there waiting like there was that real moment, you just know when it happens.

Then I was like "umm okay then see you later"

^ THIS is why I am single :lol

Thankfully I have been a lot more forthcoming with girls since then


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Usually, I can tell. I hate really cheesy, overtly manipulating flirting. Like when a guy says a line that I know he probably used on every chick he ever talked to. Anything PUA-esque is immediately filed under "d-bag alert". I like good-natured, playful flirting. Like witty jokes and banter and sweet stuff or when a guy does cute stuff for you because he likes you, like remembering something you said or something about you and working it into conversation or joke. It's endearing when a guy does something silly or risky or outside of his comfort zone in order to please/impress you. Also, it's nice when a guy notices things about you, looks or personality. Being legitimately interested in who you are and trying to figure you out is the best kind of flirting.


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## Solomatrix (Jun 3, 2014)

I don't recognize flirting.


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## Handsome Beast (Jan 3, 2014)

Between others? Sure I can tell. 

Directed towards me? No, not really. Only a few times in my life could I tell but the woman was either engaged to someone and I hold back (and don't know how anyway) or I caught on too late and someone else ran off with 'em. 

I'm so dense it's pathetic.


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## ufobaby11 (Jun 3, 2014)

I either can't tell, or it's just not happening to me. Would be nice to be able to recognize the clues. What's some clues?


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## vivibe (Sep 25, 2013)

No. Well, I don't think anyone's ever flirted with me, so I don't know if I recognize it or not. But I often used to be out and a person I was with would say "oh god did you see that old man checking you out back there" and I would have no idea what they're talking about.


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## Termus123 (Jun 29, 2014)

Hell I'd just lean in for a kiss, if I get slapped then it means no, if she kisses back then flirting recognition achieved.


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## Payz (Apr 24, 2014)

It's only really happened to me once and that time it was sort of painfully obvious and barely flirting.

I've read about certain signs that make it obvious so I assume if anyone tries them on me I can tell but it can get confusing because a lot of the signs seem similar between flirting and just being friendly.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

It's obvious when I observe flirting. For me personally nobody flirts with me and wouldn't. But I'm sure there are obvious signs.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Termus123 said:


> Hell I'd just lean in for a kiss, if I get slapped then it means no, if she kisses back then flirting recognition achieved.


Did you post that picture of yourself in a suit on the "post a picture of yourself" thread??? If so you look good in a suit. Nice picture man. No **** doe.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

The summer of my 7th grade I was at a pool and this girl was following me around and I was talking to her and unfortunately my phone broke a week before and I didn't think to ask for her number and have her write it down so I didn't get it like an idiot. But yeah I might as well have kissed her because it was actually that obvious that she liked me. I literally just remembered this, damn I'm kind of bummed I didn't get her number now that I think about it.


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## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

Flirting? What's that?


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## Termus123 (Jun 29, 2014)

jsmith92 said:


> Did you post that picture of yourself in a suit on the "post a picture of yourself" thread??? If so you look good in a suit. Nice picture man. No **** doe.


Thanks =) it was a really cheap suit =P


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## frosted (Jun 8, 2014)

I've been told I don't recognize flirting, and I do not doubt that. Maybe that's a good thing, I would only get more anxious and embarrass myself.


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## TheDA204 (Jul 6, 2014)

I don't notice when people flirt with me. I just assume they're being nice. It's like when you go out to eat and the server is being extra nice to you and all your buddies are like "you need to get her number, she wants you!"


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sometimes I can, if it is really obvious. Most of the time, I can't tell at all.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

> How easily can you tell when someone is flirting with you? What is flirting vs just banter? What do you do if you suspect someone is flirting with you but you aren't sure(and you're not interested)? Can't just say stop, that's risky if you're wrong you'll be humiliated.


 When they look at you like a plate of fresh baked cookies when they address you. There seems to be a thin veil between flirting and banter. It's probably best to not interpret these things so deeply. If things are serious, it will present itself more blatantly eventually. If they arent too cowardly or found some other option.
It probably sounds like i'm too conceited to be affected by any form of attention, you have to first understand this was never the case in my childhood and teenage years. There is a gap in character development that most people don't seem to understand. So when somebody in person gives a compliment, I assume they are being facetious 100% of the time.



> Also, when old guys flirt(or banter?) with young girls, do they actually expect something to happen? Or is it more like just for fun, ego boost and then leave? Like what's the goal there?


 Yeah, I dont relate to this either. With some people, a sense of humor/ego boost goes a long way for them. Whether or not they obtain any 'tail' in this pursuit, it's win/win to them. Ever met the guy who embellishes certain details about a date he went on? that's the guy 30+ years from now.


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## kiki1971 (Jul 1, 2014)

Quote:
Originally Posted by failoutboy 
Not usually. The only thing I know for sure is flirting is when someone smiles and raises their eyebrows up and down repeatedly.



Gwynevere said:


>





failoutboy said:


> where do you get these smilies! you have to tell me!:sus


OP, might be just my own interpretation but this exchange seems like flirting!


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