# Talk to lots, and lots of women



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

It's something I never really got used to, I always had _way_ too much anxiety to even think about it, but now I've got more of a handle on myself I think it's time. I'm talking about good lookin' strangers in the daytime, not necessarily asking for phone numbers immediately, but that's the eventual goal.

Two a day, seems reasonable for week one.

Wish me luck!!

oh and If anybody's got any advice or experiences they want to share, feel free.


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## Pialicious88 (Sep 23, 2009)

you don't like talking to guys?


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Pialicious88 said:


> you don't like talking to guys?


I'll try and talk to as many guys as possible too, but in general I'm (more) comfortable with that already.


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## NoIce (Sep 10, 2011)

Good luck dude, though I'm sure you won't need it


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

NoIce said:


> Good luck dude, though I'm sure you won't need it


Thanks NoIce!

:high5


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## alte (Sep 4, 2010)

Best of luck. This seems like a good way to get over anxiety and improve social skills.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

What a learning curve


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## NoIce (Sep 10, 2011)

They don't call 'em curvy for nothin'!


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## Silverella (Sep 17, 2011)

Good luck  I'm looking forward to hearing how you do. Just remember, even if you're really nervous then almost all girls will take that you wanted to talk to them as a compliment. For instance a guy came up to me the other day and asked me if my iPad worked 'out here in the cold'...totally WTF thing to say and he was pretty embarrassed afterward, but the point is it didn't matter  I didn't mind and wish I had a way to let him know.


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## khmerkid904 (Nov 12, 2011)

Whatever you do just don't ask her if she wants to see a pizza and eat a movie


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

khmerkid904 said:


> Whatever you do just don't ask her if she wants to see a pizza and eat a movie


Whaaa? You crazy? That's an awesome pick up line!

G'luck though jimmy-d


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

I hope you get your sausage smoked Jimmy Dean. :roll


Yes, that joke has been in my hanger for a while. Thank you for letting me use it. Good day and I wish you luck!


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

khmerkid904 said:


> Whatever you do just don't ask her if she wants to see a pizza and eat a movie


lol what an opener,


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Zeeshan said:


> lol what an opener,


That's a keeper! :b


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

sherbert said:


> I hope you get your sausage smoked Jimmy Dean. :roll
> 
> Yes, that joke has been in my hanger for a while. Thank you for letting me use it. Good day and I wish you luck!


:clap I love the one's that you know are good but just take the right moment to become relevant. Good day sir!


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

So far it's being going farily well, a few good responses and the buildings of friendships from the ones I see regularly through clubs etc. And actual "cold" approaches are hit and miss, It's all to do with what frame of mind I'm in. But I'm meeting a girl tomorrow after an activity thing I do. She's nice, a friend maybe, maybe more. trying not to overthink about any outcomes, but not just be completely passive either.


Wax on, wax off. lol


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I flirted my butt off today, had a lot of fun. No negative responses, just being as regular and nice as a human being can be...

feels good man


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## NoIce (Sep 10, 2011)

MORAL SUPPORT

:thumb:


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## Grapefruits (Oct 26, 2010)

Just so you know, the good looking women are meaner, snobbier, pickier, etc.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Grapefruits said:


> Just so you know, the good looking women are meaner, snobbier, pickier, etc.


Thank you oh wise one, you clearly know all:roll


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I'm not at all necessarily looking to pick up a multitude of women, I just want to be able to have fun interesting conversations with mostly everyone.


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## Grapefruits (Oct 26, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Thank you oh wise one, you clearly know all:roll


Yeah, I do, actually. I have noticed it since elementary school.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Grapefruits said:


> Yeah, *I do*, actually. *I have* noticed it since elementary school.


Sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy that you've developed. I mean I get where you're coming from, and some people are just *******s, but if you go along assuming this all the time then _you're going to make it happen_.


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## Grapefruits (Oct 26, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy that you've developed. I mean I get where you're coming from, and some people are just *******s, but if you go along assuming this all the time then _you're going to make it happen_.


I suppose. There are many ugly girls out there who are just as vile to the core as a pretty girl. But generally though, less attractive girls can't get away with being *****es because they will have nothing to offer. A beautiful woman can be a ***** and get away with it because some shallow men will still be there to kiss her ***.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Grapefruits said:


> I suppose. There are many ugly girls out there who are just as vile to the core as a pretty girl. But generally though, less attractive girls can't get away with being *****es because they will have nothing to offer. A beautiful woman can be a ***** and get away with it because some shallow men will still be there to kiss her ***.


The way you speak about women _reeks_ of disrespect.


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## Grapefruits (Oct 26, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> The way you speak about women _reeks_ of disrespect.


I'm a woman myself! What are you talking about? I am a woman who has been eye rolled made fun gossipped about, etc by the so called pretty women who always have guys after them but me? I have a beautiful funny personality and no guy chases after me just because I have a more nerdy look.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Grapefruits said:


> I'm a woman myself! What are you talking about? I am a woman who has been eye rolled made fun gossipped about, etc by the so called pretty women who always have guys after them but me? I have a beautiful funny personality and no guy chases after me just because I have a more nerdy look.


I'm sorry to hear that these types of things have happened to you, I'm not a psychologist, or any kind of healthcare professional (not a relevant one anyway). I know the world is a shallow place, but as twee and happy go lucky as it sounds, if you manage to find joy in the things that you do, and the person that you are then the universe _may_ provide you with some kind of reward. i.e "guys like the type of girls who like themselves"

Or not, some people just get dealt a sh1t hand, touch wood it doesn't happen to you.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I initiated a conversation with a girl in a bookstore today, it went good I think, we laughed a lot. I could tell she was maybe interested and she's going out to the same pub as me at the weekend 

I also struck up a conversation with a guy too for good measure, gave me some good advice about becoming an airline pilot, not that I'll likely ever do it.

I find it really, really draining though. My conversation muscles are weak... need lotsof work.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

A cute girl hit on _me _today! 

Booyea!


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> A cute girl hit on _me _today!
> 
> Booyea!


When you reach out, the out reaches you


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## jon 29 uk (Sep 14, 2011)

always go for the girl your attracted to . the less attractive ones cause you the most trouble in life. (im not saying looks btw)


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## Later (May 5, 2011)

You're going the right path, it's something really great to see especially in a social anxiety forum, where some just whine and cries (hehhe J/K!!) Keep posting about your accomplishments, we are looking forward to reading them


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I walked up to the bar to get a round of drinks in (twas my mums b'day and we all took her to a concert at the local) and there was this _amazing _looking girl (seriously, tutliputli from this site lookalikey:b) standing right next to me, we exchanged glances and smiled.

I ordered my drinks, and while I was rooting around in my pockets looking for money, I found a christmas hat from the night before, so I stood right up close next to her and said something like "do you think this is still legal tender?" she started laughing, she asked me some questions about where I was from and my accent, dropped in that she was there with her bf, bladdy bladdy blah, back to the music.

Didn't see him there though! but **** at least I said something, and she did smile at me a couple more times during the night.

Not like my brother, who seemingly just has to look at a girl once and she's on him like stamps on envelopes.

Apart from that, no more approaches, need to step it up!


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

:spit

Well done!


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:clap:boogie:boogie


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I went to a club last night, my approaches were weak and I didn't do as many as I should have, but I did pull. I need to go out to more clubs. I'm the biggest whoos when it comes to dancing, I look ridiculous.

Today I initiated a conversation with a girl in the shop queue, I got her laughing, but that was it.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Way to go, Jimmy. I'm trying to do conversations as well, and to have fun doing so. I don't go to clubs, I socialize at school, and I'm at about the same progress as you.  Keep it up, man.


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## woot (Aug 7, 2009)

I don't think you know what "pull" actually means with a girl. But any event you're doing well


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

woot said:


> I don't think you know what "pull" actually means with a girl. But any event you're doing well


I know I don't. :stu


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

woot said:


> I don't think you know what "pull" actually means with a girl. But any event you're doing well





millenniumman75 said:


> I know I don't. :stu


I think "pull" means getting attention.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

to "pull": British vernacular for you've managed to snag a romantic target.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

BobtheSaint said:


> I think "pull" means getting attention.





leonardess said:


> to "pull": British vernacular for you've managed to snag a romantic target.


Ok. Cool. :lol
It's like the words "flirt", "impress", "get the girl" <- the clean phrase.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

"get the girl" - that's so quaint and sweet.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> I initiated a conversation with a girl in a bookstore today, it went good I think, we laughed a lot. I could tell she was maybe interested and she's going out to the same pub as me at the weekend
> 
> I also struck up a conversation with a guy too for good measure, gave me some good advice about becoming an airline pilot, not that I'll likely ever do it.
> 
> I find it really, really draining though. My conversation muscles are weak... need lotsof work.


What exactly do you say when you start these conversations?


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## DazdNConfuzd (Jul 11, 2011)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> I'm the biggest whoos when it comes to dancing, I look ridiculous.


I actually didn't think it was possible to look as ridiculous as you do but I think it might work in your favour because people will genuinely think you're takin the piss, they'll be like, "now there's a guy with a sense of humour, I would like to get up on him"! :b


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Its one of my goals too.


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## TheoBobTing (Jul 8, 2010)

As long as you're not particularly sensitive to rejection you might as well give it a go.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

DazdNConfuzd said:


> I actually didn't think it was possible to look as ridiculous as you do but I think it might work in your favour because people will genuinely think you're takin the piss, they'll be like, "now there's a guy with a sense of humour, I would like to get up on him"! :b


Thanks for the vote of confidence Mr Fist pump:b

I'm staying away from the dancefloor for the forseeable future anyway, or I should at least learn a non-comedic looking, socially acceptable couple of moves.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

TheoBobTing said:


> As long as you're not particularly sensitive to rejection you might as well give it a go.


Good way to get over such a thing, methinks.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

So what types of rejections have you had up until now? I need to know to compare with my past experiences.


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## TheoBobTing (Jul 8, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Good way to get over such a thing, methinks.


Well, it is risky. You could either 'get over' rejection that way, or give yourself a lot of bad memories which make you more sensitive or fearful. Maybe you should slow down a bit and focus on the more promising opportunities to get to know women and forget about the less promising ones?

Of course, if you're not particularly sensitive about rejection it doesn't matter and you should just go for it anyway, like most regular guys do. It's an idiosynchratic thing really.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Ape in space said:


> What exactly do you say when you start these conversations?


Girl had a cast on her wrist, so I casually asked her about it in a clear tone of voice and maintained good eye contact, introduced myself, shook her hand, joked about previous experiences with breaking my wrist yadeeyadeeyaa, talked about cookery books, made up some jokey shizzle about me making a mean raspberry Joue, and I played along with her for a bit, she asked what she did, mentioned work xmas party, said she was going to same place, I said I might see her there, just casually smiled and walked on.

Guy was reading an aeronautical magazine, I asked was he a pilot, talked about where he did his training, mentioned I'd looked into it at some point, blah blah blah. I was reading a surfing magazine, he asked about it, told me I should become a pilot, where to go train etc.

It's all in the initial moments, and maintaining in the zone I think. Somehow I feel a lot less pressure during the day, without alcohol than in a club, with. Condensed area where everyone's looking to "pull" puts me off. For now anyway.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

woot said:


> I don't think you know what "pull" actually means with a girl. But any event you're doing well


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pull

What does in mean in your neck of the woods chief?!:b


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Define Me said:


> So what types of rejections have you had up until now? I need to know to compare with my past experiences.


A couple of really bad ones, but that's after developing crushes on girls and being way, way too into them. Over-investing my emotions on lost causes over a long period, not making the move at the right time, keeping quiet. Recipe for disaster.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

BobtheSaint said:


> Way to go, Jimmy. I'm trying to do conversations as well, and to have fun doing so. I don't go to clubs, I socialize at school, and I'm at about the same progress as you.  Keep it up, man.


Thanks man, it's kind of fun eh?!


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

TheoBobTing said:


> Well, it is risky. You could either 'get over' rejection that way, or give yourself a lot of bad memories which make you more sensitive or fearful. *Maybe you should slow down a bit and focus on the more promising opportunities* to get to know women and forget about the less promising ones?
> 
> Of course, if you're not particularly sensitive about rejection it doesn't matter and you should just go for it anyway, like most regular guys do. It's an idiosynchratic thing really.


My main goal right now is to desensitise myself to this sort of thing, and develop my skills.

I'm not going to ignore anything that I think could be a promising opportunity, if anything that's what I've been doing my whole life.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Thanks man, it's kind of fun eh?!


Oh yes. It's really fun. Conversations with guys or girls are always fun. To start a good conversation, I try to find some common ground. I still need to learn how to handle rejection better, because I'm still sensitive to that.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> A couple of really bad ones, but that's after developing crushes on girls and being way, way too into them. Over-investing my emotions on lost causes over a long period, not making the move at the right time, keeping quiet. Recipe for disaster.


Exactly what I'm doing / trying to get rid of.


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## TheoBobTing (Jul 8, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> My main goal right now is to desensitise myself to this sort of thing, and develop my skills.
> 
> I'm not going to ignore anything that I think could be a promising opportunity, if anything that's what I've been doing my whole life.


Well, I hope it works out for you.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Got back into it today, I've upped my reps so to speak, had casual conversations with five strangers today,one girl didnt really respond but the rest went really well. I think aiming just for girls isnt as good an idea as i thought initially, so now I'm going after everybody! But at least three or more attractive ladies a day.


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

I've been doing something similar, but not nearly as often as you have. It's definitely a confidence booster when it goes well and reduces stress in meeting new people. When it doesn't work I just shrug and ignore it most of the time. 

I basically joke around with random people about random stuff, then move on. It's really rewarding when they get into it too.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

^F'n A man, keep it up! it's going really well the last while, I've still got a long way to go, and I need to move somewhere busier. In the past I've had a tendancy to go full steam, coast and then backtrack. But something's clicked now, I always felt like I was seeking approvel, but I've come to realise it's really the same for everyone, and if you take the lead/ not necessarily in a dominating way, it's a lot easier to get along with people. It's amazing how good it feels to connect/laugh with a stranger, rejection doesn't seem like such a threat when there's a whole world of people to get along with.


Here's to keeping it going.


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## 733839 (Jan 11, 2012)

I tried talking to girls, but I feel too scared to approach them and usually they have to start the conversation. I'm too scared to creep them out, especially in the first few seconds of conversation. Should I just keep trying? Also, what can I do to make this "fear" lessen?


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> ^F'n A man, keep it up! it's going really well the last while, I've still got a long way to go, and I need to move somewhere busier. In the past I've had a tendancy to go full steam, coast and then backtrack. But something's clicked now, I always felt like I was seeking approvel, but I've come to realise it's really the same for everyone, and if you take the lead/ not necessarily in a dominating way, it's a lot easier to get along with people. It's amazing how good it feels to connect/laugh with a stranger, rejection doesn't seem like such a threat when there's a whole world of people to get along with.


Yeah I think I need to move too. It's amazing how much more confident I feel when this happens. It's kind of pathetic to realize I hit 25 without finding this out but I've randomly been doing it a lot lately. I'm feeling a "click" with it too and it's like I'm some friggen masterful conversationalist now. I don't censor myself nearly as much any more and just kind of blurt something out if I have a question or observation.

Like today, I met up and had a long conversation with someone I hadn't seen in a while that was great and we're going to keep in better touch. I met a stranger with him and had another long conversation that was fun and awesome. Later in the day I randomly joked with a dude on his bike that stopped in front of me during heavy traffic (I said something about not envying him and wished him luck, he gave me a genuine smile and laugh before biking off). After that I stopped in a comic store and had a fantastic long conversation with one of the dudes working there and got help picking out comics. After my night class I found out a Classmate takes the same train as I do and spent the entire hour talking with him loudly about dorky **** on the train. All while at the same time texting with a girl whose number I randomly got. Also throughout the day I asked gorgeous college girls directions because I forgot where one of the buildings was and didn't give a **** what they'd think and was just happy to be talking to them.

And I wasn't self conscious during any of it. I've started Zoloft and klonopin again but I've been on them before and it never made me social like this. I really don't know what it is besides practice but it's honestly been amazing the last few weeks. It's honestly feeling transformative.



> Here's to keeping it going.


Hell yes!



konstabro said:


> I tried talking to girls, but I feel too scared to approach them and usually they have to start the conversation. I'm too scared to creep them out, especially in the first few seconds of conversation. Should I just keep trying? Also, what can I do to make this "fear" lessen?


Don't just talk to them with romantic intentions. Talk to everyone you see that you have any inclination to. Don't care about what you assume will happen, just focus on starting it and moving from there.


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

^ Nice job. I myself get these periodic instances where I converse great with everybody, no matter how small the conversation. A few months ago right around Halloween I couldn't believe how effective I was. The thing is, I can never keep that up for too long. I don't necessarily "crash", but my magnetic social streak dies off eventually.

Haven't really had opportunities recently (besides work, I've stayed in the house for the majority of the time), but I'm probably gonna go out this Friday and see where that takes me. 2012 will be the year that I hopefully break through!


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## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

I hope you find a nice lady


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

BlazingLazer said:


> ^ Nice job. I myself get these periodic instances where I converse great with everybody, no matter how small the conversation. A few months ago right around Halloween I couldn't believe how effective I was. The thing is, I can never keep that up for too long. I don't necessarily "crash", but my magnetic social streak dies off eventually.
> 
> Haven't really had opportunities recently (besides work, I've stayed in the house for the majority of the time), but I'm probably gonna go out this Friday and see where that takes me. 2012 will be the year that I hopefully break through!


Awesome. Stay positive and experimental as much as you can.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Shoot, school hasn't started yet and hardly anyone is on campus. I cannot wait to start talking to women once they show up. Jimmy and offbyone's stories are making me feel positive right now.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

BobtheSaint said:


> Shoot, school hasn't started yet and hardly anyone is on campus. I cannot wait to start talking to women once they show up. Jimmy and offbyone's stories are making me feel positive right now.


Good luck bro, don't limit yourself to just the girls either, there's lot's of guys you're likely to get on with too!


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Good luck bro, don't limit yourself to just the girls either, there's lot's of guys you're likely to get on with too!


No prob. I do well speaking to guys already, but I'm improving with girls.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

offbyone said:


> Yeah I think I need to move too. It's amazing how much more confident I feel when this happens. It's kind of pathetic to realize I hit 25 without finding this out but I've randomly been doing it a lot lately. I'm feeling a "click" with it too and it's like I'm some friggen masterful conversationalist now. I don't censor myself nearly as much any more and just kind of blurt something out if I have a question or observation.
> 
> Like today, I met up and had a long conversation with someone I hadn't seen in a while that was great and we're going to keep in better touch. I met a stranger with him and had another long conversation that was fun and awesome. Later in the day I randomly joked with a dude on his bike that stopped in front of me during heavy traffic (I said something about not envying him and wished him luck, he gave me a genuine smile and laugh before biking off). After that I stopped in a comic store and had a fantastic long conversation with one of the dudes working there and got help picking out comics. After my night class I found out a Classmate takes the same train as I do and spent the entire hour talking with him loudly about dorky **** on the train. All while at the same time texting with a girl whose number I randomly got. Also throughout the day I asked gorgeous college girls directions because I forgot where one of the buildings was and didn't give a **** what they'd think and was just happy to be talking to them.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you're kicking some major SA butt, good for you man.

:high5


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

lucyinthesky said:


> I hope you find a nice lady


Thanks lucy ",)

I hope i find lots! hahaha

_not sure if kidding._


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

A few people are at my school now, and I was successful in speaking with 2 girls today.


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