# I just don't want to socialize



## Mr. Orange

Sometimes, I can be really friendly, and get along with people well. I am still shy, but I have fun socializing, and in the right circumstances, people will give me the chance to socialize with them. But then a lot of the time, like now, I do not feel like even talking to people. Well, at least new people that I don't know too well. I find socializing to be exhausting, and I have to do it today, since I am going to work. But now I will come across as cold and stuff, when I just want to be left alone for a little bit. I hate this, I wish I could be social when I wanted to, and silent when I want to, and not have it be weird.


----------



## C4120LYN

I know exactly what you mean. And sometimes when I do go out and socialize, but I feel uncomfortable and realize that im sinking into my anxious self, I'll try to make up some bull**** excuse like that I was "feeling sick" as to justify my anti-social behavior, and then leave.


----------



## C4120LYN

and holy **** i just noticed your signature/ end label thing or whatever its called and i have to say that American Beauty is by far one of the best movies out there and i LOVE that quote!!


----------



## SADFighter

There are times when I don't even want to talk to my closest friends and will have an urge to avoid them if I see them.

Strange ain't it?


----------



## Caligula

...


----------



## shyvr6

I think it's just moods that everyone gets in sometimes. Even the most social people want to be left alone sometimes.


----------



## roverred

Caligula said:


> i feel the same way especially now that i started working. i was pretty friendly and responsive my first day and i gave off the @#%$*t fake smiles and laughs and at the end of it all i felt really exhausted and depressed. i just heard a quote that i think pertains to the feeling which is something like, 'false tears bring pain to others while false smiles bring pain to oneself'. and now i have work later tonight and i don't want that feeling of duplicity and inauthenticity again so i'll probably remain aloof and distant the entire night which is what i really want to do and so i will. i don't care about those people.


Same. I was very friendly and socialable during the first 2 hours of my work and was doing great. But then i started getting mentally tired and didn't even care about socializing anymore.


----------



## sakura01

I started noticing the same thing about myself. I'm not the most loquacious person and I don't always feel that I have to share every thought or make a comment about everything. So when I don't feel like talking I don't feel like socializing. At work, I've been feeling tired lately so it has become quite exhausting to try and think of something interesting to say and to keep the conversation flowing. However, even while I am tired from working, if I think of something interesting to say then I do want to socialize and converse with people, and I would actually notice a boost in energy that I get from having an interesting conversation. I just wish these interesting thoughts would come more often. :sigh


----------



## DrunkPanda

i feel the same way. except you say sometimes you like to socialize. for me it is ALWAYS exhausting . after it's over i feel really worn out


----------



## jugador409

DrunkPanda said:


> i feel the same way. except you say sometimes you like to socialize. for me it is ALWAYS exhausting . after it's over i feel really worn out


I'm the same exact way. When I first meet someone it's easier because you go through the typical stuff that comes up when you're getting to know them but after that it's trying and exhausting trying to come up with interesting things to talk about, especially when there's very little common ground with them. At that point I'd rather be on my own than have that constant pressure to be "on."


----------



## ColdFury

I've lost pretty much most of my desire to engage in social activity.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

yeah, socializing is like too tiring for me I feel so relieved when I dont have to talk to anyone. ususally I like to be around people though and just asking questions 24/7 as I continue to live in my comfort zone.


----------



## quietgal

Yeah, I know how you feel. There's like 2 people with whom I can relax and be myself, and actually enjoy socializing...with everyone else, I get tense and go into performance mode, or just withdraw altogether. I _want_ to connect with people and be engaging, but it just doesn't come naturally to me at all.


----------



## Eilicea

Yeah, most of the time when I'm in school I'm either
a) not entirely conscious from sleeping an average of five hours a night for several weeks straight
b) f*cking depressed
c) devoid of topics of conversation, since I don't do anything interesting since I have no life...vicious cycle yay

or any combination of those three. So basically a lot of people see me as distant and "antisocial" (since they don't know the actual definition of antisocial lol) and according to my friend that's why they act guarded around me, which of course I mistake as them not wanting to talk to me and take as a personal insult and...yeah. I have issues.


----------



## Argamemnon

I have practically zero social contact. I love it, if only I didn't have to work.


----------



## angel eyes

for me socializing alot of the time is a chore i want to get over with sometime it just wears me out


----------



## Peace99

Ya some days I just don't want to talk to anyone either.


----------



## SADone

its like when i start socializing with others and be all outgoing and stuff I tell myself hey this is not you you are acting like someone else and then I go back to my SA self.

I dont like to engage in socializing with others because they cant relate to me.


----------



## Glenns

Argamemnon said:


> I have practically zero social contact. I love it, if only I didn't have to work.


Cell phone Minutes: The opiate of the social.


----------



## trident

I feel awkward at work sometimes when I can't socialize with people. But I'll try to bring up topics that me and the other person both have opinions on, such as sports or TV shows. It'll get conversation going for a while, but then my mind hits a dry spell and its back to being clueless with nothing to say and staring at the other person like a complete weirdo. I wish I can understand those people who always seem to have something to say about every possible topic.


----------



## landersen

I often experience that. It just seems too much effort to "stick to the social protocol" so I avoid eye contact totally, don't look at people, ignore them, show no expression on my face etc. and am just pissed.


----------



## lostincrowd

I am glad I am not the only one in that situation 

I work in a foreign country where I have to speak a foreign language to socialize, it is really hard to think in this foreign language when I am tired. I was worried about what would the people think about me, because it is gives me a shy person image or non-interesting person, whereas if I am in a culture similar to mine and talking my mother tongue, I am very open person and can easily socialize and make jokes ...etc, but also I get quickly exhausted and don't see the point of making the additional effort

Now, I am seeking help on how to improve and whether it is related to my language skills, if it is this case I 'll go into a course or so, if it is more related my personality, what to do ?


----------



## luminary_pustule

I rarely like it. I only every enjoyed one-on one and sometimes not even that. Even when I had a really outgoing friend I was just completely bored, even though I genuinely made an effort but I just felt uncomfortable at worst, and at best like it was a huge chore just to find things to say to her friends. Even with family, I get on with them all but when it's gathered together in a huge group (like 12 people at the dinner table etc.) I just feel completely uncomfortable and can't enjoy my food, just waiting for it to end.

If you're happy the way you are it's not really a problem, it's different if you _really _want to talk people and be in groups but can't. Some nice girl invited me to go sit with her group at college. I feel bad avoiding it now, but really all I did was sit there while they had conversations I honestly just didn't care about and had to think really hard for things to say. There really is no point to that... It's not that I hate everyone (as many will assume of quiet people for some odd reason) but I just genuinely have nothing to contribute and a lot of the time it seems like people are saying a whole lot about nothing anyway.


----------



## Reachinghigher

Peace99 said:


> Ya some days I just don't want to talk to anyone either.


 :ditto


----------



## Illini_Pride

SADFighter said:


> There are times when I don't even want to talk to my closest friends and will have an urge to avoid them if I see them.
> 
> Strange ain't it?


Yeah, I get like that too sometimes. At university, my closest girl friend was my suitemate, and I'd try to avoid her sometimes; have her think I wasn't there, because I felt so sad and anxious and didn't want to talk about it.


----------



## Illini_Pride

Glenns said:


> Argamemnon said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have practically zero social contact. I love it, if only I didn't have to work.
> 
> 
> 
> Cell phone Minutes: The opiate of the social.
Click to expand...

Haha...the opiate of the social.


----------



## Wedfew

I thought there was a something wrong with me. Cause people told me I need friends, but I actually don't. I realized I am happy with myself, being with myself (not sure if that make any sense) but when I am alone I feel free. I don't need to be friendly, I don't need to say something, I don't need to do anything I can just BE. Is socializing really necessary can't these people just let me be. I enjoy my own company I enjoy being alone. Just because its not what everyone else does its doesn't mean I have a mental or social problem. Most people just talk SH*T and I dont want to listen to there crap, I don't like them, the way they dress, the way they sit, what they eat, the way they smell, their false smiles, the pretentious how are you. Don't ask me, cause you don't want to know. 

I love being me, I love being alone, I love every moment surrounded by just me. So please leave my the **** alone.


----------



## Und3rground

I am much the same. There are some times that I do not mind talking to people and being the presence of people, but that only seems to last for a certain amount of time before I get drained and need my own space.


----------



## Nagarjuna

I'm playing devils advocate here so cut me some slack, let's get to the route of this...

So the real problem is: who we believe ourselves to be is different to who we want to be?

We want to be the person who chats all the time, yet mostly we are in a moody can't be bothered, don't understand them mood.

So, the dilemma revolves around bringing these two realities together. Is that even possible? Is it even realistic? I guess we all must look within.

Personally, if i am content with being the quiet one then there is no problem. If i start even remotely to want to be the perfect socializer or think i should be better than where i actually am then the gap widens and it becomes more painful. Expectation is harsh and i am my own worst judge.


----------



## Durzo

Yea I am the same... even some people "close" to me I don't feel like talking to a lot of the time... Rather just have my music on lol


----------



## windchimes

I have to ask myself why society does not like people who do not socialize often? I do not come to good conclusions either, and why label us, maybe we should label those who are extroverts, in fact I believe that most psychopaths are extroverts cause they have to put on a good face in order to swindle people, and that includes being able to bull **** with the best of them, maybe we are normal afterall:O)


----------



## peter007

No we are not normal. This is not normal behaviour. It is social anxiety. It requires therapy to work through. I have first visit today...everybody who says they'd rather be alone should speak to someone coz that is super weird. I think a lot of people on here are in denial. You have social anxiety! It needs to be fixed!


----------



## mjkittredge

quietgal said:


> Yeah, I know how you feel. There's like 2 people with whom I can relax and be myself, and actually enjoy socializing...with everyone else, I get tense and go into performance mode, or just withdraw altogether. I _want_ to connect with people and be engaging, but it just doesn't come naturally to me at all.


This is exactly how it is for me too. I want to make connections but it does not come naturally to me 99% of the time. Every now and then I have these shining moments where I break through, don't feel anxious, make good conversation with people, I'm funny and witty and personable, laughing and smiling with them. So I know I'm capable of it! But most of the time I just feel so damn uncomfortable it's a struggle to open my mouth and say anything


----------



## mjkittredge

Wedfew said:


> I thought there was a something wrong with me. Cause people told me I need friends, but I actually don't. I realized I am happy with myself, being with myself (not sure if that make any sense) but when I am alone I feel free. I don't need to be friendly, I don't need to say something, I don't need to do anything I can just BE. Is socializing really necessary can't these people just let me be. I enjoy my own company I enjoy being alone. Just because its not what everyone else does its doesn't mean I have a mental or social problem. Most people just talk SH*T and I dont want to listen to there crap, I don't like them, the way they dress, the way they sit, what they eat, the way they smell, their false smiles, the pretentious how are you. Don't ask me, cause you don't want to know.
> 
> I love being me, I love being alone, I love every moment surrounded by just me. So please leave my the ***** alone.


How about if you met a person who was similar to you in interests and personality and perspectives, and you had positive interactions with them?


----------



## Imbored21

That's called being an introvert. I sometimes feel like everyone on this site is just an introvert. Very few actually have social anxiety... *sigh* I'm all alone in this world.


----------



## Apathie

Mr. Orange said:


> Sometimes, I can be really friendly, and get along with people well. I am still shy, but I have fun socializing, and in the right circumstances, people will give me the chance to socialize with them. But then a lot of the time, like now, I do not feel like even talking to people. Well, at least new people that I don't know too well. I find socializing to be exhausting, and I have to do it today, since I am going to work. But now I will come across as cold and stuff, when I just want to be left alone for a little bit. I hate this, I wish I could be social when I wanted to, and silent when I want to, and not have it be weird.


I know exactly what you mean. You might just be an introvert.
I do have the occasional desire for socialization (with people i like and respect) but my intolerance for stupidity (and it unfortunately is very prevalent among humans) has grown so low (and it is only getting worse the older i get), that it is simply too difficult for me to achieve this. I might never cease to be a loner. :blank


----------



## SeanLee

This is exactly what I am sometimes. I don't know if it's mood or a certain group of people that I am with. But there are times that I go out and loosen myself up. However, there are many times that I want to disconnect to the world and just hide in my room. The way I see it, the more I think of an upcoming event that involves socializing, the more uncomfortable my thoughts have become. I tend to think of negative scenarios that has never happened yet and that's when my anxiety escalate.


----------



## VeryLoco

Imbored21 said:


> That's called being an introvert. I sometimes feel like everyone on this site is just an introvert. Very few actually have social anxiety... *sigh* I'm all alone in this world.


Im not sure if Im an introvert or not, the definiton is "someone whos energy is drained in social interactions and need time alone to recharge", the opposite of extroverts that thrive with other ppl. But, is my energy being drained from the anxiety of being in social situations, or naturally from being introvert??


----------

