# Have you ever been rejected?



## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

Please detail your rejection stories here. Include details on your emotional state after the rejection.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Detailed rejection stories. This should be an uplifting thread... :lol


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I am very rarely rejected because I don't put myself in a position to be rejected. I don't pursue friendships or girls. I don't initiate, I let people come to be because my self worth is so low I can't possibly understand how anyone would want to have any kind of relationship with me so I don't try to start anything. I just default to the I'm a loser and there is no way this person would want to have anything to do with me position.


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

dax said:


> I am very rarely rejected because I don't put myself in a position to be rejected. I don't pursue friendships or girls. I don't initiate, I let people come to be because my self worth is so low I can't possibly understand how anyone would want to have any kind of relationship with me so I don't try to start anything. I just default to the I'm a loser and there is no way this person would want to have anything to do with me position.


i feel the same way sometimes brah.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Ive been rejected more times then you can count. It seems rejection is around every corner.


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## Kush (Nov 29, 2008)

ive been rejected twice, the 1st one said she wanted 2 go out with me then when i imed her 2 c when she could she nevr answered then she changed the subject , the second 1 used me for a bj so she i could tell her if it was good or not for this guy she liked (didnt mind that)


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I asked a girl out at work a little over a year ago and she said she "wasn't looking to date anyone right now." I guess I should've know better. It was obvious from her body language previously that she was not interested.

Emotional state afterwards: At first I was a bit annoyed that she gave me an excuse instead of just telling me the truth and saying she wasn't attracted to me. But then I realized that receiving a flat-out "NO" would be so much worse. At least she tried to be nice about it. I walked away feeling proud for having tried.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

1. Ignored on AIM and by text, so I didn't get to be officially rejected but I clearly was

2. I'm 99% sure she actually liked me and she was incredibly gorgeous. Unfortunately I waited too long (6 months)... I hung out with her a few times one on one trying to make my intentions obvious and told her my feelings. She said we should just be friends. At least she is still nice to me and talks to me though.

3. I don't know what I was thinking, she's a total ***** who uses everyone. I remember I asked her to go watch a movie, she said she didn't want to see it, and then I saw her outside of the theater one day with another guy. I heard from one of her friends she didn't even want to watch the movie they saw and wanted to see the one I invited her to, but he was "too hot" to turn down. She was always nice when she "forgot" to do her homework or wanted something from me though.

4. "You are extremely trustworthy, caring, and intelligent, but I think we should just be friends." -- She brought it up after I made a move at a party

5. She straight up chose another guy over me

6. I don't know what the hell I did, but **** did that girl do a 180 on me. I hung out with her during orientation and she even gave me her number. She seemed really nice/funny/intelligent and was even sharing some somewhat personal stuff. The only text I ever got from here were "Who's this?" and she never responded after. (This happened three times.) Then I got the pissed off staredown from her and all of her sorority friends one day walking to class

I don't know if I'm even going to waste my time getting rejected by the current one I have my eyes on, I still don't think I can handle being rejected again right now.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

Everytime I have ever asked a girl out on a date I have been rejected! I will never ask anyone out again. Each time I was friendly and got on really well with the person (I have a lot of confidence in my personality), but they didn't like how I look (I have terrible confidence in how I look - even though I aim to look my best).
It just made me feel so ugly and unworthy for how I look. 
Twice I got a friend to ask the person out for me, and both times they said I was ugly to my friend. Its really had a terrible impact on myself, just made me feel so negative of myself for how I look, so self conscious of how I look, made me feel unworthy and inferior to everyone for how I look. I just don't believe any woman could ever like me or be interested in me than anything other than a friend. I don't want to just be seen as a friend. Being a friend to women sucks!


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I was rejected once, last summer.

It was a longtime crush of mine. I'd been chatting her up for a few months, and I _thought _I was getting positive signals. Eventually I just said "what the hell" and I went for it. The anxiety was almost unbearable. But she actually said yes!

However the next day she seemingly changed her mind, because she sort of gave me an excuse. I wasn't quite positive what was going on, so I asked her out a second time. She gave a pretty lame excuse and didn't seem very enthused about going out with me, so I took it as a rejection.

My immediate reaction was that I felt _very _awkward, especially since the two of us weren't alone at that moment. I walked out of the room feeling like a total dumbass. Within a few minutes I felt OK though -- somewhat annoyed/unhappy, but not crushed. I was glad that I had at least tried. After a few weeks though, I started to use it as an excuse to feel bad about myself.


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## Sukipei (Jun 15, 2008)

dax said:


> I am very rarely rejected because I don't put myself in a position to be rejected. I don't pursue friendships or girls. I don't initiate, I let people come to be because my self worth is so low I can't possibly understand how anyone would want to have any kind of relationship with me so I don't try to start anything. I just default to the I'm a loser and there is no way this person would want to have anything to do with me position.


The same for me but I'm trying to improve that. I have realized that take some risks is better than do nothing, even if you are "rejected". "Rejection" doesn't means a failure but a motive to be proud of because trying is admirable and doing it, you will get practice in social interactions and improve it. It's hard but I think that is the right way.


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## th3sage (Jan 1, 2009)

I've been rejected so many high-fives... (aka midair w/dumb look on my face)... I think another 2 years it'll add up to an actual rejection...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Penny said:


> Detailed rejection stories. This should be an uplifting thread... :lol


I would just rejection sucks. I quit trying. Hence, I am where I am at. Being laughed at, to my face, as a teenager was a mess.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Gentlemen, I hate to say it, but I'm not suprised that some of you got rejected.

The moment you show any sign of attraction to a female, you are giving her the power on a social scale. Already, the game is lost.

Developing a solid relationship with a female consists of 3 stages; attraction, comfort, seduction.

You have to do it in that order or you won't get beyond a friends zone (if that).

Attraction phase: At all costs, avoid conveying to females that you are interested in them in terms of something more than friendship (at least on a conscious verbal scale).

You have to do things like tease her, act cocky and funny. Be a strong, decisive alpha male. Women have been led astray by society via television and music. Take that power back.

Once you can tell a female is attracted to you, start the comfort stage.

Comfort: develop strong rapport with women. Rapport is basically a strong emotional connection. Share stories of things that have happened to you (preferably positive things) so that her emotions may get captivated. Show her that you are both on a journey through life.

Seduction: Use sexual overtones in conversation and body language. Tease her. Touch her hand and ask "what are you doing?" Lean in for a kiss and pull out- continue to act casually as if nothing happened and continue with your conversation with her. She'll eventually get to a stage (determinable by body language, such as looking at your lips and touching you excessively) where you will be able to kiss, and possibly go home for some other 'extra-curricular activities.'

Remember, you have to do these three steps in order.

Attraction -> Comfort -> Seduction.

Otherwise-

Comfort -> Friendzone

Seduction -> Creep her out (You perv, you).

I'm more than happy to give feedback on any particular cases, as well as advice. I have been studying relationships and social dynamics of women, so I'm almost certain I will give you something valuable.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

DaveM said:


> Gentlemen, I hate to say it, but I'm not suprised that some of you got rejected.
> 
> The moment you show any sign of attraction to a female, you are giving her the power on a social scale. Already, the game is lost.
> 
> ...


See the thing is I realize what I do wrong. I honestly can't come up with a magic remedy to give myself the ability to have any self confidence and to be the "alpha male." I know this and I still can't execute it because I simply have absolutely no self confidence and I have no idea how I am supposed to develop any.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

What Draztek said.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

There's nothing preventing any of you guys from going out and getting a girlfriend today. The only thing you're doing is giving yourself excuses to NOT go out and meet one.

That way, you could save face with yourself and just blame 'social anxiety.'

Here's the reality of it though;

Almost every guy is apprehensive about approaching women, let alone hot ones. That's a normal part of social conditioning that you to feel that way. You guys take it one step further and blame SA, and then you believe so strong that it's the truth, you launch yourselves up on a loop that continues to support your negative belief.

I'm sure you guys are a lot better looking than what give what you give yourselves credit for. Having said that, I also want to mention that even if you aren't, looks don't play a huge role with chicks anyway. I know you guys have great personalities (judging by what I read from some of you guys), but again, you only think of reasons of what you don't.

What exactly is it that is holding you back? (Please don't just say SA!) Give me a real reason. I was self-conscious about a few things (my teeth, my penis size and being obese). I did something in one way or another to improve these things. The stuff I couldn't improve, I simply said that "it's okay. I'll just do with what I have." And all of a sudden, the dynamic in my life became "Wow, this is actually more than good enough."

I can understand avoiding chicks if you went to ask for their phone number, and they took out a giant shank and stuck it in your belly. That would be a sufficient excuse not to do it. But c'mon... What's really the worst thing that happens? She says "no?"

I just LOL at her and say "that's cool!" I don't let miniscule ****, like a broad saying "no" ruin my day. 

Put the ego on the sidelines, guys. You are all great people. If someone else doesn't see it, simply laugh at them! I know you're all capable of attracting the women you want, and being the men you want to be. The problem is, you have to realize this. Sitting here on the SAS forums isn't helping much, other than continuing giving you the safe-haven of avoiding social situations. Despite how many positive things may come from this community, the darker side is that it isn't necessarily helping you all go out and get your lives together.

If anything, I want you guys to tell me your goals in life. Tell me what you're passionate about, because this strongly relates to where this conversation is going.

Needless to say, I'm heading out, but I'll be back later and I hope to see some posts. You all have a good day, and please consider what I said.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

The mind can be a great obstacle. I think most people on SAS could improve their lives though. I have gone a long way in fighting my SA. I think I'm even making progress on giving speeches. Dating is the greatest challenge facing me at the moment. I don't know how much I'll get rejected, but I plan on giving it a try this year. Anyone who would reject me in a rude way, is someone I wouldn't want anything to do with anyway.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

DaveM - painful but true.

I don't think it is the approach I would have trouble with. It would be what happens afterward. A lot of past pain and avoidance would come up.

*2009 - Taking Back Whats Mine* is my official phrase for the year. The locusts are now too fat to fly.

I am starting the year with forming friendships. I MUST do this in order to get a girlfriend later in the year. I really don't have a problem being friends with girls, but I need the guys for input and stuff. The sick thing is that I am a person that people can trust (a rarity) - people have told me this here. I still can't open up enough to let people in.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

Well Dave as you can see I try... I hate making excuses for things. Since I have no self confidence and have no idea on how to artificially give myself self confidence I really don't have much of a chance from the start unfortunately.


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## mjatte (Feb 10, 2007)

I ask girls out all the time....literally every single time, this is what happens...They seem very interested, excited to spend time with me, flattered that I asked them, etc...some even telling me on the phone they are really interested in me etc...Next, we go on a date and spend time alone together for about 1 - 4 hours.....It never goes particularily well, but not terrible either....a day later I try sending a text message...or a call which is always ignored or responded to with very little interest......its seems like when girls actually spend time alone with me, they find me very unattractive, and I just don't get it...


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## Sukipei (Jun 15, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> *2009 - Taking Back Whats Mine* is my official phrase for the year.


A great sentence, there are lot of things out that belong to us and this is a good time to recover or get them.

DaveM (strange to see a PUA here), good advices, the theory is perfect...but some of us understand the theory but aren't capable of doing that sort of things. I mean, I know what I have to do, but it is very difficult to do it. And I also know that the ONLY person that can change that and do what I need to do is me, so at the end we are all alone to do what we know must do.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

mjatte said:


> I ask girls out all the time....literally every single time, this is what happens...They seem very interested, excited to spend time with me, flattered that I asked them, etc...some even telling me on the phone they are really interested in me etc...Next, we go on a date and spend time alone together for about 1 - 4 hours.....It never goes particularily well, but not terrible either....a day later I try sending a text message...or a call which is always ignored or responded to with very little interest......its seems like when girls actually spend time alone with me, they find me very unattractive, and I just don't get it...


Yeah, this happens quite a bit, especially with younger women from my experience. I think the main thing I changed is just try to make the date fun. Have fun with it and being more expressive is almost always better than being a robot. I think initially I was boring the hell out of my dates...and myself. I was playing it safe.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Sukipei said:


> DaveM (strange to see a PUA here), good advices, the theory is perfect...but some of us understand the theory but aren't capable of doing that sort of things. I mean, I know what I have to do, but it is very difficult to do it. And I also know that the ONLY person that can change that and do what I need to do is me, so at the end we are all alone to do what we know must do.


I've suffered from SA for most of my life until I decided to do something about it. Now I'm here to help others, because I have been there before and life really sucked.

But I degress.

That's pretty much it- All you have to do is flick the switch, and things hit autopilot.

To sit around in self-pity and anger at yourself is not only pointless, but destructive to your mental well-being. Remember, time is ticking and the longer you wait to simply try the material, the less likely you will be inclined to do it. Need some inspiration? Watch Fight Club. Tyler Durden could care less if someone didn't like him or his point of view.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

Any ladies have a rejection story? Once I asked a boy at school if he wanted to go out, and he flat out said NO. Not much of a story, but I was really bummed out. I had liked him for a long time and it took everything I had to even muster up the courage to ask him.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

ShyViolet said:


> Any ladies have a rejection story? Once I asked a boy at school if he wanted to go out, and he flat out said NO. Not much of a story, but I was really bummed out. I had liked him for a long time and it took everything I had to even muster up the courage to ask him.


Finally a girl who has felt what most guys have gone through.

(To be fair, most men don't know what it's like to be ogled at and made to feel like a piece of meat and have to fear for one's safety every time they go outside alone.)


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

Ive never been rejected by a woman before in my life because ive never tried to talk to a woman. But for some reason reading all of these rejection stories hurts me. The more I read them, the more I feel like i am being rejected too.  And I have no real world experience to base these feelings on.


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## adsf321dsa (Dec 4, 2008)

Yes. I dated this guy in high school that I really liked. Then I found out that he was cheating on me from none other than HIS best friend. That made me feel like crap


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## Sonoran Lion (Dec 18, 2008)

I've been rejected a couple times, but they weren't anything out of the ordinary. Just your basic "I'm not looking for a relationship at this time" type of replies. Though, I've also been successful a few times. I think this is due to me usually asking girls out that I'm already friends with. That way I already have a good idea if she is interested in me beyond just a friendship. I think the hardest part, no matter if I am rejected or successful, would have to be the anxiety created just by the prospect, and act, of attempting a relationship with a girl beyond a friendship.

I think DaveM gives some good advice for being successful in starting a relationship (that is more than friendship) with a woman. A lot of it has to do with how you present yourself to her. Even something as simple as requesting a girl's number can be important. For instance, it works out better to say something like "Let me have your number and I'll call you later" compared to "Can I have your number so I can call you later?". The latter sounds less confident compared to the former.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

way too many times!!!!!
the worst is the guy I loved so much and dated 3 times just for him to find a new girlfriend( **** ) each time!!!!
and has finally told me I'm not right for him. Like it should have taken 3 years for him to figure that out!!!!! 
I've also been ignored completely, people have changed their #s and avoided me and stopped talking to me. One guy said I have a dry personality.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

mjatte said:


> I ask girls out all the time....literally every single time, this is what happens...They seem very interested, excited to spend time with me, flattered that I asked them, etc...some even telling me on the phone they are really interested in me etc...Next, we go on a date and spend time alone together for about 1 - 4 hours.....It never goes particularily well, but not terrible either....a day later I try sending a text message...or a call which is always ignored or responded to with very little interest......its seems like when girls actually spend time alone with me, they find me very unattractive, and I just don't get it...


You have the same luck I do. Theyre interested at first and then when they get to know me they want nothing to do with me


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## Vincenzo II (Oct 19, 2008)

A couple of years ago this girl saw fit to drunkenly make out with me a few times because presumably she was called ugly during a critical stage of her development or something, and I asked her out for drinks and in a round about way she told me to **** off. Since then I haven't been rejected since I've been completely passive out of fear of rejection.

Great story!


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Just got rejected today. 

I thought we got along pretty well until this.

Fun


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)




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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

what state do you live in, ANCIENT? And which part of the state?
Actually it probably doesn't matter.
Seven girls over 9 years is a lot, you must really be good looking.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Yes, I have.

For example: I don't know if I've mentioned it on this forum, but for a while when I was in Grade 8 (when I was only thirteen), I liked a boy who was in Grade 9. I won't go through the whole stupid story, but I was decisively rejected with an extremely sarcastic note ostensibly written by the guy's friend, in which the friend claimed that the object of my desire already had a girlfriend and seven children, but that he (the friend) and I would make a good couple. So, I was instructed to wear my tie-dyed Joe Boxer shirt, because it made me look sexy, and meet the friend "behind the dumpster." Also, was I on the Pill? He really needed to know.

Well, that was a kick in the ovaries. I pretended to my mom that I found the note amusing, and then threw it out. But from then on, OTHER guys in Grade 9 would walk by and tell me that my former crush was waiting for me behind the dumpster.

More recently (in 2007), there was a man for whom I came to care in a way that cannot be put into words. He put such a wound in me, I don't even know how to explain what happened without taking up too much space. But I consider it a rejection. "We will keep in touch, don't be sad" - but in the ensuing silence, I was left to wonder about the safety of the man for whom I would gladly have died, and later to wonder what I had done so wrong that he never even wanted to hear from me again, despite his words.

So after that, I didn't know if I could love another man but I do now, with all my heart.



vicente said:


> (To be fair, most men don't know what it's like to be ogled at and made to feel like a piece of meat and have to fear for one's safety every time they go outside alone.)


To be honest, I'm pretty sure I have all the internal and external trappings of a woman, but very, very, very rarely have I experienced any of those things. My appearance explains that, lol.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I have but not for a very long time since I do not try anymore. 

Unless you count the 500 people who rejected me on eharmony lol...meh gold diggers.......... I knew I should of put CEO as my job.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Never been rejected.
Only cuz i've never asked a girl out .
No real reason its just never been my thing really i much prefer to be asked i dunno if it's a rejection thing or not i dunno.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

ShyViolet said:


> Any ladies have a rejection story?


-Middle school. I'm walking to class when one of the older boys (like a year older, so I knew who he was and all) asked if I'd be his girlfriend. I stammered out something like "maybe." The next day the story's out that he asked me out as a joke and I thought he was serious.

-High school. I AIM my closest male friend and admit that I really like him romantically. He tells me no, he does not like me back, and to never tell anyone what I'd said to him (wtf?). A week later, he apologizes and asks me out. We date for about a month. He breaks up because "I love him." I make a vow to never date a friend ever again (a vow that sure didn't last long).

-College. This boy that I was friends with suddenly starts wanting to watch only romance movies with me, tells me that he's single and sooo lonely. I assume the obvious and tell him that I've got a crush on him (I was trying to be cute.). He tells me that he has a girlfriend (wtf?).

-College. Boy starts sending me random myspace messages that have an undertone of asking me out/hitting on me in them. We chat on AIM for a month or so over Christmas break, and I basically spill my guts to him. He wants to chat every night, mentions coming to Atlanta, hits on me. I assume the obvious and expect for us to start dating when I get back. We meet once, make out, and he avoids me for a week. He later says that he doesn't want a relationship. I make him promise that he'll stay friends with me, and he does. Still have no idea what turned him off so horrifically when I met him in person, though.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

I have a whopper to tell that happened a few years ago, but I don't feel like sharing.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Dude spill the beans already lol.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Jaan Pehechaan Ho said:


> Your post reminded me of a line from Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid 2. "Best way to avoid punch? Not be there."
> 
> I'm the same way. I have a fear of getting hurt. I've been wanting to ask someone (No one in particular.) out but I don't know how to. I've dated a few people in the past though.


Haha yeah i just don't wanna fix what isn't broken so to speak besides their aint any gurls worth asking out where i live they are all hoodrats n drug addicts.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

seanybhoy said:


> Never been rejected.
> Only cuz i've never asked a girl out .
> No real reason its just never been my thing really i much prefer to be asked i dunno if it's a rejection thing or not i dunno.


Same here. If I never try to ask a girl out or anything then I can never be rejected and can continue to believe that everyone likes me. *drifts off into his dreamworld*


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

sure have, it sucks.


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## Speratus (Jan 24, 2009)

Haha, well never tried really. If I could just get into a conversation I would be fine. It's getting that far that's the problem. Damn my shyness. I think I might say eff it tomorrow and just try striking up a conversation. Mostly because I get pissed off everytime I walk by a hot woman and think...aaaaand I said nothing. AGAIN. >_<


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Ive been rejected COUNTless times, but I've also had like 7 relationships so far.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I haven't really been rejected per se, but so many times I have been oh so misunderstood. Sad to say, I am always the rejector, never the rejected.

I dated someone long distance for a while and he got another gf behind my back. lol, it wasn't rejection because he was still lying/dating me, hahaha. So I rejected HIM. And he STILL showed signs after that that he was attracted to me and wanted to get with me. So I rejected him AGAIN. Pffft. Totally deserved on his part. Though we're still friends. He's a cool guy. Just confused and not my type for relationship compatability. But yeah, definitely broke my heart at the time. ****ty feeling.

Another time a guy was trying to make moves on me, etc, and then started dating his ex (tried to hide it from me so he could still get with me) So I was like "let's be friends, I don't want to get in the middle of this drama" and we were. Then he tried to cheat on his gf with me! So I lectured him about it and rejected him. We're friends, but we don't really talk at all. Understandably. 

And yet another time this guy was trying to get with me, obviously for sex alone and nothing else. I was a bit infatuated for the wrong reasons, now that I look back, and so tried the casual thing, but when asked if there was a connection there the answer was sort of no. It was kind of like being rejected. But then I stopped talking to him, and he was still trying to be like "friends with benz" And I was thinking, if there's no connection, then we're not friends buddy. So I rejected him by cutting off contact.

Basically this makes me sound like a raging ****. But in truth, this is nothing like who I am. All I want in life is a nice guy who feels the same kind of compassion and empathy for the world as I do, and who hates drama and mind games and power struggles as much as I do. No alpha males playing these stupid games. This is why I don't date, all guys I encounter have specific biases about women that I simply can't fill. I'd rather be alone! PFfft.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yes, because im a jack of all trades


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Nope, never been rejected so no stories to share I guess. I've never been _not_ rejected either though. I guess either of those actually require trying...heh.

*crawls back into his hole*


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I like someone with a girlfriend and he said he likes me and could see himself with me but isn't ready to leave her and wants to work on it. I think that counts.. it is rather frustrating lol.
Also elementary school junk where my friend would tell a boy I like them and they wouldn't like me back but I never full out asked a guy out and got rejected. Only asked one guy out ever and he said yes.


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## nihlanth1 (Oct 24, 2008)

I pined for this girl over the course of 5 months, waiting for the perfect oppotunity to ask her out. She worked at the local store. Everytime I tried my anxiety would get in the way because there were other people around. One day there were no other people in the store. When I asked whether she had a boyfriend - she said yes and then looked away. It was simple and quick. I dashed out of the store.

Even though she was not rude or condescending or anything like that - I became so depressed I felt sick and weak. I was so despondent my knees couldn't even hold up my body when I got home, my throat felt lumpy, my whole body ached, and I felt cold. I lay sprawled down on the couch and contemplated crawling into the darkest hole. I really did not expect to feel this way.

I felt like this just because this girl already had a boyfriend - I cant even imagine how I would feel if a girl put me down by saying that she finds me unattractive.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

Who hasn't been rejected? 

I got my shares of rejections but as years went by I learned something from each of them. I learned that blaming girls for rejection is naive. I think the reason they rejected me was because I felt fear which translated into my body language. And fear = unattractive to females.

So...don't be afraid...yea easier said than done. I am working on becoming less fearful and more cocky, which is what women like imo.


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## Slow Polk (Feb 28, 2008)

DaveM said:


> Gentlemen,
> Attraction -> Comfort -> Seduction.


LOL, did you just post a condensed version of the the mystery method?


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

Been rejected in every way except romantically, simply because I never had the guts to chuck myself into that mincer, Robert Ginty-style.

The VCL XI method: _Repulsion -> Repulsion -> Repulsion -> Repulsion -> Repulsion -> Repulsion..._


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## engima (Feb 3, 2009)

S.T.A.T. said:


> Who hasn't been rejected?


People who haven't asked.. 
rejection does suck at first, but you do learn something


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

No. I've never come close to even putting myself in a position where I could be. I live by the method of rejecting people first so I don't have to suffer their inevitable rejection later. It works great.


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## Smile_Karina (Nov 15, 2008)

whiterabbit said:


> I live by the method of rejecting people first so I don't have to suffer their inevitable rejection later. It works great.


Exact same here.
I reject them before they have a chance to reject me, even though I want nothing more in the world than to be with them.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I once asked a gal I was friends with throughout highschool out & was rejected. She had gone out with a few of the guys I knew but she was a good gal & I had had a crush on her since meeting her. When I asked she said it would ruin our friendship but she still clearly wanted to sleep with me. I left with neither prize. I was too nervous to sleep with her which I could have despite being rejected on the relationship front. That's the one & only time I've asked anyone out, it hurt, still kind bugs me now but I try not to think about it to often


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

No, I never put myself in a position to be rejected.


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## striker (Jun 20, 2008)

Rejection gives the motivation to hit on more girls 

The first one is always the toughest.. but the pain gets easier as you get used to it.

short term pain = long term gain


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

striker said:


> the pain gets easier as you get used to it.


At least it's that easy for someone. Congrats.


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## J_111 (Jan 23, 2009)

once when i was 13 years old


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## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

Never. I was slightly rejected last weekend while accompanying a girl to her door, but I was persistent and she complied in a good way.


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## Dothan (Feb 8, 2009)

no never, Im the one rejecting people all the time. 
---
seriously? is this a question you ask on SA-Forum, if you _ever_ been rejected?

yeah I got rejected and I deserved it, they had their reasons I'm sure as did I when I reject someone, which was jackass behaviour anyhow , sorry I'm hotly right now


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I get rejected.


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## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

A girl feigned excitement when I called her, and then said "my sister's calling" -- the last words I heard from her. 


Haha.....women

My emotions: I wasn't crushed because I didn't know her. I just found her attractive and had ideas about what kind of person she was. Nevertheless, everyone has an ego and mine was deflated for a little while. I've been told I'm "Cute" and I thought this girl was "cute," so I couldn't understand why she wasn't interested....maybe it was the awkward conversations we had in person...oh, social anxiety. I love you!

It also could have been that she was aspiring to be a CFO of a corporation (in short, desirious of wealth) and poor little me had nothing to offer.


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## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

DaveM said:


> Gentlemen, I hate to say it, but I'm not suprised that some of you got rejected.
> 
> The moment you show any sign of attraction to a female, you are giving her the power on a social scale. Already, the game is lost.
> 
> ...


I've used this approach (not on purpose) with girls I wasn't interested in and it always worked -- they practically threw themselves on me. It's harder to restrain my true feelings for a girl I'm interested in so I end up getting rejected.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

I sure have...good times.


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## Franky (Nov 15, 2008)

I never really have been properly rejected because I haven't really approached anyone. But I liked one girl and I told her how I could feel and she said you don't know me very well and you probably wouldn't like me and then proceeded to talk about some other guy she was having issues with.


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## sidekick (Mar 20, 2009)

Nope.

Can't get rejected if you don't ask.


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## asdf (Jan 19, 2008)

once, today and its my first attempt


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

sure I've been rejected. Who hasn't? I don't think they intend to hurt your feelings they just aren't interested. It's not a good feeling but you forget about it after a while.


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## mjatte (Feb 10, 2007)

all the time..every girl I've ever liked, never had feelings returned...I have hope though


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## mardy423 (Aug 27, 2008)

Well, I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years with this girl. I loved her dearly, I would do anything for her. We met online, and after a few months of chating, we decided to meet. So we met, love happened, and we had been together ever since. Well, last week, I was talking to her, and she told me she didnt love me anymore, that she had been "pretending" to love me for the past few months. That right there hurt me so dang much. I dont know if ill ever find love again. She was my best friend, only I found out she had been feeling sorry for me and that was the only reason she was with me all that time. I felt used, betrayed, and just hurt. But now Im single, and thats that, I dont know if ill be able to find love again, with my SA and all, it just sucks to be used i guess.


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## isuckatlife (Oct 20, 2008)

no, because I'm too scared to try... 


people tell me that I need to get rejected if I ever want to learn :no


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## Seigfried22 (Feb 24, 2009)

Well usually I can't approach women.
I know I shouldn't give a rat's *** about rejection but I get very anxious anyway.
As for rejection as training, if you ask 10,000 women out It's probable that one will say yes.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Not in a very long time (because I haven't asked out anyone.)


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Yup. At various times in friendships/by people I hoped to form friendships with and in a relationship just the once (years ago).

It's led to me becoming really uncomfortable at the idea of forming new relationships with others in my offline life - because I feel I'm not capable of it. Especially as I have such a tough time trusting others. It's something I do very much want to get over though.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

mardy423 said:


> Well, I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years with this girl. I loved her dearly, I would do anything for her. We met online, and after a few months of chating, we decided to meet. So we met, love happened, and we had been together ever since. Well, last week, I was talking to her, and she told me she didnt love me anymore, that she had been "pretending" to love me for the past few months. That right there hurt me so dang much. I dont know if ill ever find love again. She was my best friend, only I found out she had been feeling sorry for me and that was the only reason she was with me all that time. I felt used, betrayed, and just hurt. But now Im single, and thats that, I dont know if ill be able to find love again, with my SA and all, it just sucks to be used i guess.


Ouch! She could have let you down easier than that or does she like seeing people hurt?!  I have a hard time believing that she stayed with you all that time because she felt sorry for you. Pity relationships only last so long, most people aren't going to stay with some that long because they "feel sorry for them".The people that do that are just wasting their time and the other person's time. That was downright cruel of her to tell you she stayed with you for that long because she felt sorry for you. I can believe she fell out of love with you a few months ago and just didn't know what to do or you guys are going in different directions......but the other thing? Even if its the truth ( I think maybe she was mad and its not quite the truth) she didn't need to reveal that much information to get the point across, break ups hurt enough.
Keep your chin up and in time you'll meet someone deserving of you.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Online, once or twice. I don't really count those, though. I know those encounters weren't going anywhere from the start.

As for offline, no. I would have to actually put myself out there to be rejected and I don't. I just have this feeling that I'm going to be rejected anyway, so why bother?


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## Cyberboy82 (Jun 30, 2008)

How do you get over panic attack ie: hands shaking, sweating, mind going blank every time you get approached by women? Is loading up on benzos only hope?


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## Girl_Loner (Mar 17, 2009)

Once kinda.
Real messy story.


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## Blondie789 (Mar 11, 2009)

I was dating someone for about 5 months when I found out that he had hung out with his ex girlfriend without telling me and lied about it.We ended up breaking up and he went out with his ex and that was the worst rejection I ever felt.I was so pissed I wanted to cause harm to both of them so they could know what I was feeling .I was pretty upset.Rejection and loneliness are my two biggest fears and all of a sudden because of him and his ex I felt both of them.I am not a stupid person and he gave me NO indication that he didnt want to be with me anymore ,now I dont put trust in anyone


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Yes, 99% of the time.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

thegoodtimes said:


> Yes, 99% of the time.


99.9 % of the time. Out of about 15 tries, in the space of 5 years.

5 of these were within a year.

I think i've had enough of that for a while.


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## numero1 (Apr 7, 2009)

DaveM said:


> Gentlemen, I hate to say it, but I'm not suprised that some of you got rejected.
> 
> The moment you show any sign of attraction to a female, you are giving her the power on a social scale. Already, the game is lost.
> 
> ...


DO you have any idea how long this would take. I've met this one girl 3 weeks ago and we've officially hung out once. We went to the gym and then had a bite to eat, of course it wasn't a date cause we paid for our own meals, etc. But now I'm trying to get to hang out with her but I don't want to appear clingy and that takes too darn long. My cousin who is one year older than me, can get a girl to be his girlfriend in less than half the time it takes me to get to know her.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Rejection is good, m'kay? It teaches us more about ourselves. You won't feel any better about yourself until you realize the good things about you first. Sometimes you have to go through the bad crap (rejection) to realize the good crap (confidence through rejection). So for me, I look at it as a learning experience. I got dumped last friday becasue she said we had no connection. It sucks but w/e, it gives me an opportunity to learn more about myself. I refuse to belive there is something wrong with me. In fact, relationships are a lot of the times OUT OF OUR CONTROL, so screw it. There ain't nothing wrong with me so I'm not going to blame myself. I will keep my goal in mind and sooner or later I'll try for another. I'd rather become comfortable asking, being rejected, etc than continue being afraid of trying. So yeah, keep the rejection coming. Eventually I'll either give up completely or become so numb about it all that I won't be so shy about it, which is great! I've already lost a lot of my shyness just from trying, being rejected, beomcing motivated again/trying, etc. Rejection is good, m'kay? The more I don't blame myself and the more I get rejceted and try the more I learn and the more comfortable I become and the less effort and energy I put into it because it' snot need and blah blah blha


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Never had the opportunity to be rejected in the past, always waited for them to come to me since I didn't have the confidence to go to them, and of course that meant finding no-one at all to reject me lol. Only time I have asked someone out they accepted (and ended up going well, even the question of asking to make it "official" went well) but I couldn't handle the anxiety which went with it which kinda sucked, so in the end i guess it was me who did the rejecting 

Rejection is good though for most people, but for me it's a huge fear and I couldn't just shake it off like most, would haunt me and make me feel like a worthless mess.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Here's a question I want to ask everyone: Why do _you_ reject the people you have rejected? C'mon, a lot of us have certainly had a hand in some of the rejecting that goes on.

I know I have rejected a few guys in my time. And to be honest, I wish I could have handled every one of those situations in a more mature manner. Really my SA had a large hand in why I rejected guys. I just didn't have experience with how they were feeling at the time. I didn't understand why they were approaching me, and I couldn't handle myself in a tactful manner. In fact, I think I have rejected more than I've been rejected. Does anyone else relate? But don't worry, I've been rejected too 

I think the problem is that so many people see relationships as a commodity. We don't see the other person for who they are or what they're going through. We wonder what are they thinking/feeling to generate this rejection, but we come to our own conclusions when we can't figure it out. Is it possible though, that it really isn't you being rejected, but them struggling to come to terms with their own feelings on the matter? Because I think that's the main thing. I don't think men should see females as just "dumb broads" who let them down. I don't think girls should brush off males as "*******s" who don't know how to treat them, etc. We should all really use a little more sense than this, and learn to be more empathetic. I think that's the only way we can truly overcome our fear of rejection. Remember, there is always a reason for that rejection, and it's not just you or your looks or your personality (even if someone was rejecting you on that basis, that's their own personal viewpoint, not you as you really are).

I really just feel that we're all kind of viewing it all in the wrong way, you know?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

caithiggs said:


> Here's a question I want to ask everyone: Why do _you_ reject the people you have rejected? C'mon, a lot of us have certainly had a hand in some of the rejecting that goes on.
> 
> I know I have rejected a few guys in my time. And to be honest, I wish I could have handled every one of those situations in a more mature manner. Really my SA had a large hand in why I rejected guys. I just didn't have experience with how they were feeling at the time. I didn't understand why they were approaching me, and I couldn't handle myself in a tactful manner. In fact, I think I have rejected more than I've been rejected. Does anyone else relate? But don't worry, I've been rejected too
> 
> ...


I always ask why I have been rejected. They always tell me what was wrong but never tell me how I could of fixed it or done it better in the future. I don't want to go back out with them, but I do want to know what I did wrong. Instead, it always seems like an answer unanswered.

If someone isn't clear as to why the dumped me because they are trying to get their "emotions" straight then I don't want to be with them anyways because being dumped is being dumped. Just because they don't understand their emotions dosen't mean I'm going to feel any better after them dumping me because I'm still getting rejected. Any person willing to want something to work would be willing to work with you and not dump you.

Thank goodness I'm willing to try and try again or else I'd never know how to pick myself up again. I changed my view on the whole matter now. rejection is the name of the game and there isn't anything wrong with me. It happens. Ok, so now what can I learn from this experience?

One thing I could learn is how to take it slow and find out how interested she is before comitting myself and my emotions beforehand.


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