# Question for the women:



## msbxa (Mar 24, 2011)

When a random guy approaches you and tells you that you are beautiful, what do you or most women think about this?

As a woman, have you had this happen to you and what was your reaction and feeling at the time? 


As a male, I've done this a few times in the past. But it seems that it makes them uncomfortable so I have not done it in a long time. So maybe its not a good thing to do?

I'm out of touch with people, but I'd like to understand stuff like this better. 

Thank you for any insight and replies.


----------



## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

msbxa said:


> When a random guy approaches you and tells you that you are beautiful, what do you or most women think about this?
> 
> As a woman, have you had this happen to you and what was your reaction and feeling at the time?
> 
> ...


One time a guy did this to me and it did make me feel uncomfortable. I guess because I didnt know this person. If a guy randomly comes up to me like that, I just feel like they are up to something. Or maybe they didnt really mean it. Or that they just want a hookup.


----------



## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

msbxa said:


> When a random guy approaches you and tells you that you are beautiful, what do you or most women think about this?
> 
> As a woman, have you had this happen to you and what was your reaction and feeling at the time?
> 
> ...


 I don't take it as a compliment because I can tell that strangers who have said this to me are the type to say it to any girl.

Once I simply replied, "I know."


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Telling a woman she's beautiful when you don't even know her is a bad move.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I would think he is very horny and probably trying this on many women. One time in Japan, this happened and it was a really cute guy, so I gave him my number. Didn't hear from him for a long time and finally when I went on a date with him...yeah, he only wanted to get into my pants.


----------



## msbxa (Mar 24, 2011)

Hmm I see, thanks for the seemly honest enough replies. 
First off, I've said this to probably like 3 or 4 women in my whole life, so for me (maybe I'm a rare case) its not something I say to just any or every girl. 
Second, I've never said this with the intent of just wanting to hook up. The reason I've felt the need to say this in the past is so simply that the person would know how I felt. Because otherwise I don't think they would ever have a clue and that used to bother me because I have always been non-emotional and don't express my feelings in public. 

It seems to be clear at this point that this is not a very good thing to do. The question I wonder is how to let a girl know in a safe way that you like them. Because for me it seems that they never have a clue how I feel about them.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

TPower said:


> Telling a woman she's beautiful when you don't even know her is a bad move.


It's not. I just had that point proven today. I just give off a friendly vibe, be respectful, and don't make her feel uncomfortable. May depend on what woman you're talking to, though.


----------



## Chatise19 (Dec 31, 2011)

Asking for advice on SAS is not the best idea, but I'll try. First, you MUST have an actual conversation with the girl. If you just go to her asking for her number or for a date or even just telling her she's beautiful, she will think you're up to something. This is because without even knowing a little about her, you decided you wanted to date her. Cmon, that's very questionable. If you have a convo she will realize that you have things in common and that you want to get to know her more when you ask her out. That's not always the case (some guys just fake it), but just talking to her will 'break the ice'.


----------



## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I've had some random businessmen do this in SF, it was a little unnerving. But if they simply are doing it in passing it doesn't bother me as much as some random guy approaching me and attempting prolonged conversation.


----------



## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

wel i always feel like they are flirting n nothing else..


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

As with everything, it depends on how the guy looks. If he's hot, they LOVE it. If he's not, they're creeped out.


----------



## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Cletis said:


> As with everything, it depends on how the guy looks. If he's hot, they LOVE it. If he's not, they're creeped out.


I think of women reacted would be proportion to how it was said.


----------



## Faith012 (Dec 21, 2011)

i basically just think that is Bs just typical flirting..lame pick up line


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

You can say pretty much _anything_ with the right body language and tone of voice...

However... I'd say you're more likely to make a positive impression by striking up a conversation with her and complimenting her on something other than her looks.

Don't take my word for it, though.



Faith012 said:


> i basically just think that is Bs just typical flirting..lame pick up line





Crystalline said:


> it was a little unnerving.





Chatise19 said:


> she will think you're up to something.





komorikun said:


> I would think he is very horny and probably trying this on many women.
> 
> he only wanted to get into my pants.





solasum said:


> I don't take it as a compliment because I can tell that strangers who have said this to me are the type to say it to any girl.





VivaEmptinessRoses said:


> One time a guy did this to me and it did make me feel uncomfortable.


----------



## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

Here's a thought - why not try and strike up conversation on another topic she may have an opinion on? Something not focused on the woman herself might make her feel more inclined to respond.


----------



## Catnap (Dec 5, 2011)

I guess for me, it would depend on how the approach was executed. If the guy rolled over to me with a kind of swagger and wink and said it, I'd feel uncomfortable, but I would still say thank you and probably try to find a way to disappear. If the guy came up to me in a laid back, just normal, regular-sort of way and just wanted to let me know that, I'd feel flattered and I think it would make my day. I'd say thank you with a big smile, probably. I've never had someone random compliment me on my looks other than my hair (they said I had really pretty hair) and it made me feel good about myself.


----------



## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

I've had some random men and women tell me that a few times. To be honest, it can be a bit embarassing, but I always feel flattered and thank the person.


----------



## msbxa (Mar 24, 2011)

My problem is that I can't carry on a conversation/interaction without _me_ being uncomfortable and nervous, thus likely makes them uncomfortable. I find it easier to just spit something out direct and quick and then leave.


----------



## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

Random compliments from strangers used to happen when I was younger. I'm at a point in my life where I'd probably hit him over the head with a bat, and drag him home... like a cave woman would.lol
No, really...Id be flattered :love2


----------



## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

I have had this happen to me several times, and I think it's sweet when a guy does this. It's very flattering. :b As long as it's not done in a really creepy way for obvious reasons.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it depends on the guy's intentions. If he's looking for a date, don't expect the girl at the bus stop to be so flattered that she'll accept a date with you. However, if you're feeling generous and want to compliment someone, go for it. Keep in mind that while she might be flattered, that could be overshadowed by her embarrassment.



Bon said:


> I think of women reacted would be proportion to how it was said.


Exactly. How you approach her is key. You don't want to get too close or go up to her and just say, "you're so beautiful." Maybe say, "I just had to tell you..." or "I hope you don't think I'm weird, but..."



Crystalline said:


> Here's a thought - why not try and strike up conversation on another topic she may have an opinion on? Something not focused on the woman herself might make her feel more inclined to respond.


If you're looking for a date, do this.



heyJude said:


> I've had some random men and women tell me that a few times. To be honest, it can be a bit embarassing, but I always feel flattered and thank the person.


Same. More so when it's women simply because I feel it's genuine.



MsDaisy said:


> Random compliments from strangers used to happen when I was younger. I'm at a point in my life where I'd probably hit him over the head with a bat, and drag him home... like a cave woman would.lol
> No, really...Id be flattered :love2


I don't believe it. Once beautiful always beautiful. Unless you got compliments from old, pervy men, in which case good riddence!

Ok, so all this being said. Why is it that men in particular feel the need to compliment women? We don't need this to improve our confidence. We're not ever so grateful that you came along to tell us how beautiful we are. And ultimately it's problematic because not everyone will receive them. How about if for a change you compliment someone who doesn't seem like the type of person who receives compliments often?

I don't know if it's because I live in a large city, but I can't count the amount of times men (in this case) won't give up their seat for an elderly person on the bus, someone with crutches, or a pregnant woman. How about instead of giving out compliments for your own benefits, you be a decent human being?


----------



## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> I don't believe it. Once beautiful always beautiful. Unless you got compliments from old, pervy men, in which case good riddence!


I work in a nursing home, they compliment me everyday...old pervs don't count :lol


----------



## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

In my experience, most of the guys who say things like this have ulterior motives (ie. one-night stand)


----------



## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I would think they are up to something and were lying through their teeth.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I was in a bookstore a few weeks ago and a guy walked up to me (not in an aggressive way, more like in a "you have something in your teeth", polite kind of way), and said, "you should be in a hair commercial". I simply said "thank you" and smiled.

It was definitely a bright spot in the day.


----------



## Hideawaycrate (Nov 6, 2011)

It would make me feel objectified. I'd rather he just talk to me, start a conversation and try to get to know me instead of focusing on my looks. I would definitely be flattered but I would also question his intentions.


----------



## kilgoretrout (Jul 20, 2011)

Considering that I am a very suspicious person with low self-esteem, I would think the guy was just pulling my leg. That, or he was desperate enough to try this out on any woman to see if he could sleep with them.


----------



## medicinmels (Jul 11, 2011)

heyJude said:


> I've had some random men and women tell me that a few times. To be honest, it can be a bit embarassing, but I always feel flattered and thank the person.


I have been approached by guys and girls that say "Wow! you're really pretty," and I never responded because they're probably teasing me. When older people say it I feel like its probably more genuine so I thank them.


----------



## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

This has happened to me once. The guy looked homeless, so my thought was that he was crazy. But I'm sure he meant it, so it did actually make me feel good afterwards.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I used to think this works but I think I finally realize why I got rejected so much.

I would think your best option would be if she actually desires to be social in that context. If not, then you'll most likely make her uncomfortable.

(wow, i just realized i'm a moron for some of my beliefs...)


----------



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I friggin love it no matter who/what/where/when/why


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

It's a bit flattering and a bit embarrassing. It's a nice thing to do as long as it's done without expectations. Honestly, for me it would not lead to anything because it slightly lowers my opinion of people when they focus on looks as most important aspect of me as a person, as if I'm supposed to fall for them just because they say I look good. However, luckily for people attempting this, there are many, many women out there who would be sufficiently impressed by admiration of their superficial qualities to be open to dating the source of the ego-stroking. Not that complimenting someone's appearance is wrong or I don't enjoy it for , but a random person coming up to me to say that in hopes of attracting me wouldn't work.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> I've done this a lot and it's never really gone badly when I have done it.
> 
> Sometimes, if it's a girl I don't really hang out with or someone I've just met then I will pre-frame it so she can get a clear idea of what's going on.
> 
> ...


Well said! I like your way of complimenting just for the sake of complimenting. I think being genuine is preferable nine times out of ten, and people can usually tell when you're working towards an ulterior motive.

What I'm getting out of the responses here is that a lot of women react positively to compliments on their individual features (eyes, hair, probably clothes too) and less so on generic commentary like "Wow you're beautiful!" (as it sounds insincere and a little like there's ulterior motives). I'd say stick with the former. As long as it's appropriate ("Girl, you got a sweet ***" probably wouldn't go over that well), it can at least be a nice conversation starter.


----------



## AllysonDaisy (Jan 16, 2012)

Normally, I would say thank you, but I'd get all shy afterwards. Some women do get uncomfortable and I even do at times. I think it's just best to introduce yourself first before making the move.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

Single approaching sucks. Just like you, a lot of guys will go indirect by conveying thier interest straight off the bat by saying "You're really beautiful I want to get to know you". It's automatically awkward for the girl because it reeks of a pick up, and it lowers your social value. You can recover from this because she won't be a ***** to you, but it's much easier to disqualify yourself as a potential suitor and work from there. You can disqualify yourself by giving her a back handed compliment such as "too bad you're not my type, cuz you're so pretty". This lowers her social value whilst at the same time increases yours and it's on like donkey kong providing you know where to go with the conversation.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Instead of asking for a date sometimes just asking if she'd like to text sometime is less upfront and awkward. This is how I would probably go about it.

Once you have her number you can text or call and build rapport that way and she'll be more open to it as well.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

If that happened to me, I would assume he was joking and walk away.

It's never happened to me personally. I've had guys come up to me and call me ugly countless times, though. There aren't any ulterior motives for that one.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

^ You must be joking right?You look fine to me.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Rossy said:


> ^ You must be joking right?You look fine to me.


Nope, I'm dead serious.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

tbyrfan said:


> If that happened to me, I would assume he was joking and walk away.


I hate to put you on the spot but to the contrary of what you claim I've heard most every guy on this forum respond to you by saying your pretty. I really don't know what more evidence you want? If you really think your physically ugly then you need to obviously convince yourself first your not because it appears no one but you can change your mind on that.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> Nope, I'm dead serious.


Your being far too hard on yourself,I think your very pretty now I'm being dead serious :yes


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> I hate to put you on the spot but to the contrary of what you claim I've heard most every guy on this forum respond to you by saying your pretty. I really don't know what more evidence you want? If you really think your physically ugly then you need to obviously convince yourself first your not because it appears no one but you can change your mind on that.


I'm honestly incredibly shocked that people are saying this stuff to me, because outside of this forum, guys find me repulsive and don't hesitate to let me know. I look exactly the way I do in my pictures, so i'm not fooling anyone in terms of how I look. Maybe people are lying to make me feel better, I don't know. There must be something i'm doing terribly wrong. I'm really confused.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm honestly incredibly shocked that people are saying this stuff to me, because outside of this forum, guys find me repulsive and don't hesitate to let me know. I look exactly the way I do in my pictures, so i'm not fooling anyone in terms of how I look. Maybe people are lying to make me feel better, I don't know. There must be something i'm doing terribly wrong. I'm really confused.


It's cool. Sounds like your too focused on the negative which isn't uncommon for SA'ers.

Personally, I think it is a bit rare that physically attractive people don't know they aren't attractive after a certain age, especially women. I think in your case you have been unfortunate enough to be commented on by ******* guys. In fact, even if someone was physically "ugly", only an ignorant ******* would say that person is indeed ugly. No one is truly "ugly" - everyone has some beautiful quality about them. I suggest you focus on what you like about yourself if you can't find yourself physically attractive.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm honestly incredibly shocked that people are saying this stuff to me, because outside of this forum, guys find me repulsive and don't hesitate to let me know. I look exactly the way I do in my pictures, so i'm not fooling anyone in terms of how I look. Maybe people are lying to make me feel better, I don't know. There must be something i'm doing terribly wrong. I'm really confused.


It's a pretty simple concept. The guys who are complimenting you on this forum, are the very same guys who don't approach you. You're cute, it's a shame you're not my type.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

jayjaythejetplane said:


> It's a pretty simple concept. The guys who are complimenting you on this forum, are the very same guys who don't approach you. You're cute, it's a shame you're not my type.


Your cool. :roll


----------



## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

Cool, man.


----------



## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I always respond kindly, since that's a pretty bold thing to do. It definitely cuts through the bull**** quick, but if I get the impression that the guy does this a lot, and is basically playing the odds, doing this to every other girl he meets, I might be inwardly put off if I got the sense that he just saw me as someone to fool around with and later throw away.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

If you are very good looking it might work. Otherwise, most will ignore you or tell you to f*** off.


----------



## TallGirl (Aug 23, 2011)

If a guy came up to me and told me I was beautiful I'd think he was just creeping on me, however, I have felt less uneasy when someone comes up to me and complements a specific thing. "I really like your sunglasses/piercing/hoodie/etc" when it's something less generic it's easier to keep the conversation going. It also makes me less uneasy because I have something to reply to. If you just say I'm beautiful then the only response I can give is thank you and then awkward silence.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

If it's a random guy, women will most likely feel played and uncomfortable. Unless, of course, they want to be picked up and they like the guy physically.


----------



## StayingMotivated (Sep 5, 2011)

I find it flattering. Depending on where I am I may be a lil embarrassed or don't know how to react. all in all I love being complimented


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

ChicoShadow said:


> It would make me feel objectified. I'd rather he just talk to me, start a conversation and try to get to know me instead of focusing on my looks. I would definitely be flattered but I would also question his intentions.


If I could reword what I said earlier, I would pick this quotation as what I should of said.

I guess the problem with trying to start a conversation randomly depends on a lot of factors, but nonetheless I do think this is the best way to go about it.


----------

