# What happens when misogynists get into relationships?



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Do they secretly hate their partner? Are they always watching her behavior and comparing it to the stereotypes they have in their head of women?

Sometimes I wonder this when reading posts on forums. What would happen if this guy gets a girlfriend??  :shock :afr

Have you ever been in a relationship with a misogynist? How did you find out he was one?


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

What are we defining as a "misogynist" here? This seems to be a very broadly defined term around here.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Misogynists do not only blame women's behavior in relationships, they also believe women are inferior (IE: Do not belong to the workplace etc). 

Yet, I've failed to see a single person here claim that women should stay at home, do laundry and wash dishes.


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## luctus (Mar 31, 2011)

I'd say one inevitable result would be abuse...whether emotional/verbal or physical or sexual...

To me, there's a difference between traditional sexism (i.e. Tpower's example of "women should stay at home/wash dishes") and misogyny. Misogyny is more like an insidious negative core belief about females: All/most women are manipulative/evil/prostitutes/sex objects etc.

They can coexist in the same individual, of course, but I think rigid gender roles are different from the type of hatred inherent in misogyny or misandry.

And I have known at least one obvious misogynist who didn't believe in those traditional roles. He just hated women.


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

EDIT: I will admit I fell for this troll thread..


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

You would have to define the term. Im relentlessly chauvinistic and I will not change. By chauvinistic I mean that I am the type to **** you and leave to play xbox, drink a beer and lay around in mydraws while you wash clothes. But I will make money buy **** and take the trash out


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

87wayz said:


> You would have to define the term. Im relentlessly chauvinistic and I will not change. By chauvinistic I mean that I am the type to **** you and leave to play xbox, drink a beer and lay around in mydraws while you wash clothes. But I will make money buy **** and take the trash out


That's more like sexism or chauvinism, not misogyny.

Here we go:



> So what's the difference? Sexism is the manifestation of attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender. Misogyny is hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

komorikun said:


> That's more like sexism or chauvinism, not misogyny.
> 
> Here we go:


Thats what I said

How is it possible to cohabitate with women if you hate them? Concerning mistrust I would say insecurity follows. Dislike? I find dislike more problematic than hatred. Serial killer, maybe? Bad definition for these purposes


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## Unknown88 (Aug 21, 2012)

I could never be in a relationship with anybody who believed women are inferiour to men. I don't know how to describe my views, "feminist" usually seems to make people think of those crazy women who hate men and want special treatment. I'm very strong on equality, and I am far from submissive housewife material. 

I think it is the ultimate turn off for me, a "traditional" guy who wants me to stay at home, do all the chores, have his babies (and be the main carer of them), rely on him for everything and see him as "head of the house". I'd rather become a nun!


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## metamorphosis (Dec 18, 2008)

- misogyny: hatred of women
http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=misogynism

- the principle of misogyny, the hatred of women; the act of conditioning women to feel bad about being women
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/misogynism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny
__________________


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm a misanthropist (I know not the same thing), but I'd think for misogynists it'd be the same where they don't hate all women only most?

Also I'd just like to say misogynists need to realize they're only half right.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

My father is a bit of a misogynist. My parents' marriage is pretty bad and he would always blame my mom for everything and talk **** about women in general.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Usually nothing, because unfortunately a lot of women are misogynists too.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

Their partner stays chained to the kitchen.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Sometimes I wonder this when reading posts on forums. What would happen if this guy gets a girlfriend??  :shock :afr


Oh God, this happens to me all the time... It's ****ing terrifying.
This is a complicated question to answer because the are different ways he* could manifest it. Some variations could be a feeling of superiority, therefore not wanting/allowing her to have different opinions, speak up during conversations, etc. Jealousy, not only among other men, but when she's more successful than him professionally and/or academically. I'd imagine there'd be no real intimacy due to the lack of communication.

I imagine he also wouldn't allow her to hang out with her friends. A misogynist usually sees women through the virgin/***** dichotomy lens. If her friends so much as flirt with guys, aren't in a monogamous relationship, go out and drink, etc. he'll probably see them as ****s and a bad influence. They will either be "good" or "bad", and there's not much room in between. 
He'll be controlling, and not only about your friends, but also about what you wear, how you style your hair, when you go out, when you can talk on the phone. Her feelings will be disregarded because he feels entitled to tell her what she can/cannot do.

I think it goes without saying that a misogynist in a relationship could turn to be physically abusive...

A woman who's in a relationship with a man like this must either hate herself, be extremely insecure, or was raised in an environment where this is the type of behavior women put up with.

My question is, could a misogynist love his girlfriend? Yes, there's the hate, but could you couple that with the animosity he feels towards her based solely on her gender?

*I wrote he because if a woman is a misogynist, to me it's just self-hatred coupled with sexism, and not misogyny.



Peter Attis said:


> What are we defining as a "misogynist" here? This seems to be a very broadly defined term around here.


dictionary.com is your friend:
a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.
If you know Greek this would also be great time to put your skills to good use: Miso-hate, gyne-woman.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

That wasn't what I asked, but thanks for playing!


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

luctus said:


> Misogyny is more like an insidious negative core belief about females: All/most women are manipulative/evil/prostitutes/sex objects etc.


Obviously women are evil. The world would be perfect if not for a crazy b*tch who just had to have an apple.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

There's people that would actually be accepted because a lot of people of both sexes think misogyny is what's normal.

Then I think there's another group of guys that tend to silence their misogyny if they know their partner would be offended by it, that is while they're around the person they're in the relationship with. As they'll play by the 'rules' if they're getting something in return. Then it shows back up in full force when they're back 'out with the guys.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Peter Attis said:


> That wasn't what I asked, but thanks for playing!


A misogynist is someone who hates women. No broad term there. Pretty straight forward. 
Only someone who agrees with misogynistic attitudes would see it as a "broad term."

Aw shucks, too bad I don't win anything.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think it'd be pretty messed up. I make an effort to meet women but I also respect women. Big difference

That kind of hatred and manipulation is never good for anyone; a lose-lose in the end


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## metamorphosis (Dec 18, 2008)

A misogynistic man quenches his sick sadistic needs with the pleasure of abusing his g.f. or wife with verbal and/or physical abuse in a myriad of ways. There is no love involved in this. Unless you consider a cretin, who gets his rocks off on the fundamental belief of male superiority over women and the women's place as a disposable lower life form for his use and abuse as a form of love.

Why are there men and women with such an extreme and virile hatred of women?
Psychologists usually point to two reasons. 
1) Religious/ societal/ and familial with skewed core beliefs, as cause for a man or women's misogynistic behavior. Growing up in an environment where the male is a superior being and the female is his servant. Exposed to that fundamental belief from childhood into the teenage yrs, the belief becomes ingrained and woven into his/her psyche. The patriarchal view pushed to the extreme with societal, philosophical, and religious beliefs throughout history. Certain interpretations of Islam, Christianity, Judaism has created a dark and twisted virus that runs through the arteries of human history.

- Misogyny as the world's oldest prejudice The old testament story of the first woman, Eve, created from the first man, Adam's ribs. Describing her as "bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh," the man calls his new help-mate "woman" (Heb. ishshah), "for this one was taken from a man". She is guilty of giving him the poisonous apple from Tree of Knowledge . God punishes them for eating the fruit from the sacred tree. Condemning the man to sustain life through hard labor and the woman to create new life through painful childbirth.


The older pagan spirituality Wicca is traditionally and primarily a religion centered upon the idea of gender polarity and the worship of a Moon Goddess and a Sun God. The duality also represented in the sun and moon, day and night, the different seasons and celebration of the solstices and sabbats.
The Winter Solstice- 21 or 22 December
The Summer Solstice- 21 or 22 June
The Spring Equinox- 21 or 22 March
The Autumn Equinox- 21 or 22 September
Samhain, aka Halloween- 31 October
Imbolc, aka Candlemas- 1 or 2 February
Beltaine, aka May Eve or May Day- 30 April or 1 May
Lughnasadh, aka Lammas- 1 or 2 August

In Chinese philosophy, the concept of yin-yang, shadow and light represents the duality.
in Taoism the Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)" 

For many people in modern (Western) society, there is no longer a reasonable and justifiable excuse to tear down the equality achieved for both women and men. In fact it would be considered regression on the grandest of scales.

2) Verbal and/or sexual abuse from his/her mother or father 
There has been a much needed acknowledgement of mental health issues in the last few decades. The core problems of psychological disorders are being treated, instead of sweeping them under the rug. This includes issues of parental abuse on children. The victims are more likely to come forward and talk without carrying the huge and false sense of shame and guilt. Effective treatments are used: CBT, ACT, psychoanalysis, and medicines. There are more clinics, counselors, psychologists, and pdocs available to help people work through the psychological damage done by past traumas at the hands of others. Even with the resources so readily available, these victims of abuse are now abusing others on such a devastating level (rape, verbal assault and physical beatings) and without any guilt or remorse. That is what a modern day misogynist does, if he chooses to feed his sadistic needs by preying on women instead of avoiding them all together. 

The fact that a person cannot overcome or want to rise above these obstacles. This is what makes the misogynistic beliefs and abuse intolerable to the people in more enlightened or wise societies and cultures that view woman as a mans equal. And there are still a few matriarchal societies where the women have moral and political leadership over men, the Hopi Indian tribe and Iroquois. The definition of patriarchy 'men rule over women', a matriarchy has frequently been conceptualized as 'women ruling over men', whereas in reality women-centered societies are - largely without exception - egalitarian. 
There are also matrilinear, matrilocal, and avunculocal societies, especially among indigenous peoples of Asia and Africa, such as those of the Minangkabau, E De (Rhade), Mosuo, Berbers and Tuareg and, in Europe, e.g., Sardinian people. Pagan and Celtic societies and spirituality include dualism and polytheism in their worship.
__________________


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## luctus (Mar 31, 2011)

UltraShy said:


> Obviously women are evil. The world would be perfect if not for a crazy b*tch who just had to have an apple.


Yes...and to launch off from your astute observation here, I will say that misogyny is not that rare. I agree, it's pretty much the foundation of several core beliefs our species carries..especially in religion.

Then there's the nearly ageless association of women with darkness, physicality (matter, earth, nature), and the "left hand", which is has globally been looked down on as inferior or corrupt.

Don't forget the period taboos haha. There are tribal cultures who still believe that a woman's menstrual blood will poison and weaken/kill a man and she absolutely must be kept secluded from everything during that time. Modern culture? We just pretend like we don't have periods..


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I think all bad boys are misogynistic to some extent.

I am not talking about players. Some players may even love women, or love the idea of being with them sexually.

The typical bad boy, on the other hand, is abusive, hateful, and cruel to his wife/girlfriend. 

In other words, if you aren't good looking, and you have the personality of an abuser already, that's pretty much where these guys are coming from. They don't have the looks to get a girlfriend, despite their awful personalities, so they rant about it on here.


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## malaise (Aug 18, 2009)

I was in a relationship with a man who I could pretty much call a misogynist. It's my own fault for taking the abuse for so long, but it was my first relationship and he was older, and definitely took advantage of my naivete and was a master manipulator. I didn't see the red flags at the time, but after a million hours of brooding and rewinding every day we spent together I can't believe what an idiot I was for staying with this *******! When I told my sister some of the things he would say and do she actually was shocked I took that emotional abuse. I sometimes laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Any other sane woman would have walked away but I didn't. I swear to God it's appalling what sh*t I took from him. I think he's a borderline sociopath because I don't understand how a person could treat someone so terribly and not even realize it, and actually laugh while doing it.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Funny you bring this up, because I've thought about it with regard to myself a few times. All the ranting I've done over the years here about women... how can it even be reconciled with my desire to "get" one in the first place?

I've realized that I simply dislike some of the traits I perceive to be very common in females, and always have... from the time I was a child. I have this unrealistic fantasy about finding the "perfect one" who shatters all the stereotypes I hold. About lusting over confidence in men, about overvaluing others' opinions, about preoccupation with gossip/people stuff, and various others. I'm glad that I'm at least self-aware, as it's reinforced my decision not to pursue any serious contact with females. In the past, that decision was always just a natural result of shyness and inadequacy. But now, I realize that even if I somehow worked those issues out, it probably would be for the best to continue my abstinence. I've simply spent too much of my life resenting the female gender to make it all disappear.

The scariest thing is that I don't even have the excuse of some horrific female figure in my family (mother, sister, etc.). It's like it's just always been inside me. I think if I'd been normal and gotten positive attention from girls, it could've been suppressed enough for me to function in a relationship without many adverse effects. But as it stands, the inner demon was only reinforced over my adolescence and adulthood thus far, to the point of no recovery.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Only someone who agrees with misogynistic attitudes would see it as a "broad term."


Sorry, 0 for 2 today!


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

A lot of PUA advice and "guy dating" advice is very misogynistic in nature. And I'm sure that much of the SAS male population has come across this stuff. It makes the basic assumption that North American women are *****es without directly saying it.

For eg. I got an email from my Jad T Jones email newsletter (I thought this guy was pretty good from the couple videos I saw until I saw the email newsletters he was sending me) about how to "text a girl into bed". And he redirects you in the email to another affiliate site. And in the affiliate site they say that you have to maintain/build attraction with a girl via texting very quickly or else she's going to lose attraction to you. Otherwise she will give you cold one word responses (been there, done that) and probably show your texts to her girlfriends or even the guy she's in bed with and make fun of you with them.

Now hold the **** up... why the hell would I want to have sex, let alone date, a woman like that? If the world is according to what "the game" community says, why the hell would you even want to be with women? To satisfy teh muh dick? Whatever happened to genuinely liking someone and wanting to connect with them? You can't do that with someone that you perceive to be a *****.

I think the trap a lot of SAS guys fall into is that they read this type of dating advice and they get this impression that women in this world are cruel *****es. And that they have to be a certain way or even an ******* to get women ("how come nice guys can't get any" threads).


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## john1990 (Oct 20, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> A lot of PUA advice and "guy dating" advice is very misogynistic in nature. And I'm sure that much of the SAS male population has come across this stuff. It makes the basic assumption that North American women are *****es without directly saying it.
> 
> For eg. I got an email from my Jad T Jones email newsletter (I thought this guy was pretty good from the couple videos I saw until I saw the email newsletters he was sending me) about how to "text a girl into bed". And he redirects you in the email to another affiliate site. And in the affiliate site they say that you have to maintain/build attraction with a girl via texting very quickly or else she's going to lose attraction to you. Otherwise she will give you cold one word responses (been there, done that) and probably show your texts to her girlfriends or even the guy she's in bed with and make fun of you with them.
> 
> ...


agree, those advice from PUA are stupid and misogynistic to me...

i also find many women are little misandryst, not in the sense their hate men like thinking men are inferior ( but i know some women think like that), but thinking men are not capable of emotional feelings and only want sex and fulfilling ego and never want real stable relationship....


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I used to go on this misogynist site, and pretty much the posters got into relationships either with women they looked down upon and used for sex, or got serious with women who were also misogynists and hated their own gender.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Do they secretly hate their partner? Are they always watching her behavior and comparing it to the stereotypes they have in their head of women?
> 
> Sometimes I wonder this when reading posts on forums. What would happen if this guy gets a girlfriend??  :shock :afr
> 
> Have you ever been in a relationship with a misogynist? How did you find out he was one?


LOl!!! you got to understand misogynists aren't "born" they are "made" and guess who makes them.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

I guess some form of mistreatment. It would depend on what the female partner is like and it would depend on the personality of the misogynist.


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## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

All forms of hate stem from some sort of problem the "hater" has, internally, usually insecurities stemming from the cards life as dealt them.

Men who hate woman probably had a woman in their life who treated them badly. 

Women who hate men... same thing.

People who hate people...probably have been treated really bad by people.

That's all folks!


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

Barette said:


> I used to go on this misogynist site, and pretty much the posters got into relationships either with women they looked down upon and used for sex, or got serious with women who were also misogynists and hated their own gender.


What site?


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Schizoidas said:


> What site?


menarebetterthanwomen.com They have message boards I used to frequent, not trolling, just like seeing what misogyny's like. There were a few members I liked, but shockingly, most just made outlandish and illogical statements.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

I can't really say I'm a misogynist but I just hate when things between two people are just not fair, I guess there are people who literately take hate to an abusive level and hate other people.


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## Bedouin (Aug 3, 2013)

Hi, I have an objection. Please hear me out. It might be eye-opening.

Ok now I know I'm not going to be addressing the topic directly, but rather I'm going to decry the notion off of which its reasoning is based: this idea that those who oppose feminism are 'mysogynistic' and 'sexist'. It was the use of that 'm word' in the title which set me off, as well as the idea that we are all a bunch of evil people. I mean none of this as disrespect. In fact, I respect all human beings equally believe it or not, and I hope that the following statements can be recieved with that in mind.

I don't hate women. Nor am I a 'mysogynist' in the true sense of the word. I don't hate women. I am however highly disillusioned by the feminist movement and what it has come to stand for. I would love and respect any girl I entered into a relationship with. There would, ideally, be no imbalance or 'hatred' or resentment, as you are expecting there would be. Again, I dislike the 'feminist movement' as a school of thought, and not the members of the movement. They're misguided imo, just as have been many human beings by political and social systems throughout history. It's human nature to believe and support unreasonable arguments if they are perfumed and spruced up enough. There's also an element of ignorance, I think; because being feminist in most cases these days means to ignore the issues of one gender in order to fix the imbalances between both.

Also, I would like to clarify that I do acknowledge massive differences in the genders. There are huge imbalances placed upon both sides. Just as employment of women (and ethnic minorities) in 'elite' positions of society is eyebrow-raising, so is the lack of academic performance in teenaged boys. There are clearly issues which afflict the whole of society as a collective of genders and ethnicities but dividing ourselves further isn't going to fix those issues.

Imho, gender shouldn't be as much of a thing as it always has been. The divide only raises questions and causes imbalance. My thinking at the moment is that we should try and approach other human beings not as men or women, but as just that; other human beings. There are humans with penises and then there are humans with vaginas (another distinguishing feature is that they can give birth). Feminism has done magnificent things in the past and has bought us further towards becoming the ideal society all fair-minded and happy people wish to forge together; but at this point things are reversing and the more people who spot that (men, but women particularly as they are more suscpetible to this ideology as the double-standards all work in the favour of women) the better. Not for men, not for women, for _everyone_.

I get that our current societal structure may have its notions of gender based in neurological, evolutionary foundations; whereby the man has been the provider and the woman the carer. This is very clear and has worked so well that it's almost certainly preserved us as a species. However, we no longer live in as survivalist a culture as we have in the past. We'll soon be able to reach to the stars as a species and by that time the need for these divisions will have expired.*

I've compiled a list of videos on the subject which you might like to watch. I assure you, it's a worthy subject of 'study'. If you can see even the slightest hint of truth in any of these videos, and can take something valuable from it, then props to you.
Btw, remember that these videos might offend your values at first (just as this post probably has >.< ). Try to keep an open mind and watch out for the message that they're trying to get across and not necessarily how they say it.












*This video explains this very well:





This one is a story, but gives a good perspective of the issue from the man's side. I quote somebody who nicely describes the story:
"I think what made it best was that, from a guy's perspective, it is easily assumed that this happens."





Unfortunately, feminism cultivates this kind of hateful attitude in many men:




And imo woman shot first, the way men are becoming is a reaction to the irrational feminist doctrine. And it is sad, because it's all just very counter-productive and futile; all this bickering.

I simply couldn't sit still with a thread such as this I'm afraid, so here's my objection. And please at least entertain the possibility that this small essay's premise and conclusions might be pursuing what is just and right for humanity, and not just that it's an "anti-woman mysogynistic rant"

I love women just as I love men. In fact, I often times love women more (_especially_ if they can understand the flaws in modern feminism) than men.

Btw, very well done for reading this far. I am seriously impressed at anyone who can manage that .
Regards, Joe.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Peter Attis said:


> What are we defining as a "misogynist" here? This seems to be a very broadly defined term around here.


The usual definition on the internet is "anyone who disagrees with me"


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

They usually hold them in contempt all the while using them.


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