# Okay I'm Freaking OUT!! I seriously need some help!



## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Cerberus said:


> Then she started rubbing herself against me (in a flirtatious more than sexual way) and I grabbed her ***.












If I were you, I'd bang her.









I don't know what else to tell you really. You got a prime opportunity for something here. I would probably feel less anxiety around a girl like this due to the fact that I know I don't have to worry about impressing her as much, since she already likes me.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

I can relate. Tough situation though. A year ago this question would've been easy...Would've said the girl was too forward. I have anxiety around nice, down to earth girls so of course the in your face type would cause even more stress. But now, I don't know what I might do. 

First off, never get into anything w/anyone out of desperation. Also, don't allow yourself to be used. If you think she's trying to take advantage of you, cut off all ties w/her. You are worth more than that. In fact, you're definitely a worthy person you just have SA which has interfered w/your ability to take some romantic risks. But don't lower yourself by getting involved w/a girl who does things that are inconsistant w/your beliefs or seems sketchy.

What you need to ask yourself is whether you're turned off by her behavior because you're SCARED of her (maybe that you think she's too experienced for you & you won't know what to do) or that you're opposed to what she's doing on MORAL grounds. At one point, I kind of convinced myself that I was an upstanding super moral kind of guy. While I am religious and don't believe in random one night stands that go all the way, I'm not opposed to certain types of random hook ups. 

The few times I did have a chance to possibly get over the hump so to speak, I wimped out. At the time, though, I just rationalized it, pretending I was moral. But in truth, I was scared that since I had never done certain things, I'd do something wrong. But I'm starting to learn that there's a lot of grey w/all of this and maybe I could've learned something.

Hmmm, I kind of lost my train of thought. Oh...I guess my point is that people w/SA often are even uncomfortable around nice homely girls so I wouldn't really be trusting my anxiety feelings w/regards to this or anything for that matter. Some "shy and innocent" people don't really want to be. I'm not saying do dangerous things and compromise your integrity and morals but it's life! You deserve to have fun and do spontaneous and possibly even crazy things from time to time.

Good luck and trust yourself. You can do a lot of things you don't even know you can.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

The important thing to consider here is do you like the girl too? and also if she is really be honest about her liking you. (I wouldn't rule out the whole desperate bimbo scenario though, I've been in that situation before)

If so, give her a chance. Considering she has already done the hard part and made the first move all you need to do is respond. (Although I'd say grabbing her *** is already a positive response from you). 

I think your problem may be that she is just moving too fast for you. I understand it's a new thing to get flirted with by a girl and not know how to respond. If you do want something with her, it would probably be best if you made it aware to her that her forwardness is uncomfortable for you but you appreciate the attention. (or something like that)

On the other hand though... If this is something that will be problematic for your job, then it may be better to not let it go any further(or you can move this relationship outside work ASAP).


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

All you need to worry about is making sure you wear a rubber with this type of girl. Extra kudos if you don't fall for her too badly. But if you do, just make sure you have a back up plan.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Cerberus,

She's making you feel uncomfortable, and on the job. That's called sexual harassment and it is illegal. She's trying to take advantage of you. No woman in her right mind would give a guy a lap dance at work unless she were an exotic dancer. This girl is trouble, man. You do have the right to say no, regardless of the #3|| "macho" society thinks.

You have a right to tell her you don't feel comfortable because you are trying to do your job.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

I guess you have to ask yourself what you really want. That was a damn good story however. I really understand what you're going through though. 

For example, I read your story and I wish that exact same scenario would happen to me. While reading your story, i'm thinking 'go all the way with her - she wants you', and I think thats what I maybe would do, but its completely different when it's actually happening. Your kind of like, 'oh geez...oh man, please, yes your hot and I want you but...this frigging anxiety is blocking me...just leave me alone for now, stay away because I cant win either direction...I want you, but i'm scared. Your around me, you make me anxious...ugh' 

It's like a feeling of hopelessness almost like your 'stuck' and cant go any direction except where the 'Exit' sign is located.

Right now i'd love for that scenario to play for me. But if it actually did, i'd likely freak out similar to you and not know what to do. It's hilarious, really. When it's not happening you -want- these things to happen. When it happens, it's like we're in a shock-like state...freaked/nervous/anxious, with no idea what to do next, and ultimately, bail on the situation to get back into our comfort zone.

Like, where I work, sometimes girls my age come in...and while here I am posting here, I think to myself 'I wish a gorgeous girl would walk into my workplace...we'd talk, exchange numbers, hookup, etc.' (relationship wise). But I also know, when i'm at work again, say this even occured tomorrow, this exact scenario, I wouldn't know what to say. I'd likely just keep quiet, with anxiety on the rise during the situation. Ultimately I likely wouldn't say anything and just let her leave, then breath a sigh of relief, for some odd reason. 

You want something so bad, and before it happens, you imagine it going perfectly, the things you'll say, it'll work out just right, almost like a fantasy of some sort. This 'fantasy' comes to fruition, and we decide to run and be left alone.

It's like watching some porno movie and fantasizing being with a pornstar, but say magically that split second you were fantasizing, a pornstar actually appeared on your bed and wanted you. We'd all take off running for the hills like a herd of cattle. Same situation here really when it comes to getting girlfriends/relationships, etc.

:sigh :wtf :rain :hide


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I haven't had sex in over two years, so it would be uncomfortable for me if a girl was hitting on me like that. I would also feel weird just going home with some girl. Well, if I met her at a bar, it would be like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, with me just having my bike. I guess if I was drunk enough I could pull it all off. Or not.

But, yeah, she sounds horny.


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## Volume (Apr 8, 2007)

Futures said:


> If I were you, I'd bang her.


:yes You have an opportunity here, to gain experience with women. Look at your current situation. If anyone will be getting used here, it's her.

Forget about relationships, or anything beyond the first time you sleep with her, for now. Take things one step at a time.


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## psyche (Jul 16, 2007)

I agree with SADFighter and FreeSoul.

you need to sit down with yourself and decide what it is that you want. If you're considering taking her up on her flirtations and taking it further, understand the consequences. Think long and hard about the type of person you are. are you the type who has regrets? don't ever do anything because you feel you should, do it because you want to. 

I'm a virgin myself, and I've done a few things I regret completely, so I know what I'm talking about...you can't reverse these sorts of things, and really being close to someone who means alot to you makes it all so much better.

to me she sounds really pushy. I know a friend who was pressured into doing things he never really wanted to, and he regrets it. But like I said before, you may be a person who can handle that, but from what I can tell I don't think that it would be a good idea. in the end you have to do what feels right for you. 

and if you do go for it be sure to have protection, you don't wanna contract anything. :lol

good luck! :heart


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I don't know what to tell you, man. You're in a pretty difficult position. You clearly have major anxiety issues that should be worked out with a therapist but you also have this pressing matter at your place of work that can't wait. You've got to handle it and put an end to it as it's obviously causing you too much anxiety at a place you have to go to every day. So the way I see it is that you can either give in to this girl or tell her emphatically that you don't want anything to do with her. But you can't let this continue. 

I'm also a virgin and would want my first time to be very special with someone I really like. Do you have the same hope for your first time? If not, you might want to go for it. If I was in your exact position I honestly don't know what I would do, even given my hopes for my first time. Is she really hot? If she is and is so baldly throwing herself at you physically I don't know how you've resisted. If you decide to give in to her then I would suggest that you ask her on a proper date rather than just hooking up in the storage room or something! And as Nihlanth says, be sure you use protection and discuss birth control with her beforehand. 

On the other hand, if this is just causing you too much anxiety then you should just put her in her place or go to your boss. If you find out she is toying with you to humiliate you then you have grounds for a major complaint against her. Have you let a co-worker know about this, someone who knows you both? You should ask a co-worker for their advice and whether they believe this girl is genuinely interested or just making fun of you. 

Can I ask how old both you and her are? Just curious -- younger women are more apt to be cruel and manipulative; if she's just a horny slightly older woman then her aggressiveness might be explainable. Sorry I can't be more help.


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

I'd say go for it.

There is no reason to goto your boss or call it sexual harassment. I don't think she is doing this to be cruel and manipulative, infact all my relationships have started out something like this. Fact is that being shy, girls that make the first move are going to be the most likely kind of girls we meet, and they tend to be more forward like this. On the other hand it generally doesn't work out because we are complete opposites, but some have lasted 6 months or so. While thats not a really long time or anything, it is better then nothing. Sure you'll get hurt, lol likely fall head over heels for her, but in the end it is worth it.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Wow, that's crazy that you've had similar situations in the past. You said you're average-looking but you're probably underselling your looks if women feel compelled to throw themselves at you. 

If you go for it and actually go "all the way" then obviously it will be clear she's not toying with you. Let us know how it goes for you.


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

Ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime at your place, or hers if she would prefer that... you'll end up watching for about five mins before the fun stuff starts...


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

OK, you are to nervous to ask this girl out, but grabbing her *** doesn't bother you? LOL wtf? Only in Utah!


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Nice work, keep it going, keep us updated, it's definitely a whole different world when its anxiety-free ehh? I have no access to any drugs (and despise taking them) but alcohol works best for me...just a little more than the 'buzz' point and i'm good. 

Man you feel so free without anxiety...its awesome


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Reading creepy stories like this make me so happy i live in New York


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

Cerberus said:


> I completely agree. It's a completely different world. I feel so liberated when I'm on valium. I can actually look people in the eyes. I can take a joke without getting offended or angry. I'm quicker in thought, and I can concentrate so much better.


Klonopin (same class as valium) is the only thing which allows me to leave the house some days.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

*Re: re: Okay I'm Freaking OUT!! I seriously need some help!*




Cerberus said:


> SilentProphet said:
> 
> 
> > OK, you are to nervous to ask this girl out, but grabbing her *** doesn't bother you? LOL wtf? Only in Utah!
> ...


LOL!!! Oddly, I get you. That's why I like dance parties and not standing around parties.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Dearest Husband,

I think you should go for it. :stu

I mean, why not? Because she could end up hurting you and not be worthy of your trust?

How are you going to know unless you try?

I think you are overthinking it. Obviously she doesn't think the negative things about you that you think about yourself. She couldn't be dropping bigger hints too.

Ask her out.

If she turns you down, or if she doesn't, but things still don't work out, what does that mean? It means you went for it - and that's a good thing. Not all relationships have to be planned out in advance before you can jump into them. They're more of a "Try it. You might like it." kind of thing.

And if it doesn't work out, that's not abnormal. Tons of dates, relationships don't work out. It's what happens. Dating is a process. A horrible, nasty, sh*tty process, but a process nonetheless. 

Just my humble opinion.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

stop thinking. Go for it. Best of luck.


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## GaSS PaNiCC (Mar 27, 2007)

This is by far the best and funniest post Ive read on this site. Seriously screw your SA, she clearly is interested in you and your interested in her. Soooooo what's stopping you, don't give me this SA BS, you know you've got NOTHING to loose but everything to gain! Seriously if your pissed off at yourself for fckin up in the past, this is your chance to redeem yourself! Hit it bro, HIT IT! peace


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

OMG, yes!!! I will totally go to the new Simpsons movie with you! Wait...you're paying though, right? :con


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

You can ask her if she's seen the simpson's movie yet... if she has not, then I assume that would be a good spot to make her an offer about going together. Don't take her home to your parents yet... it's too early to do something like that...


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## Volume (Apr 8, 2007)

I would advise against going to the movies at any cost. Two-some hours of awkwardly sitting next to each other, staring at the screen with minimal contact. Brilliant. Maybe if you were 12, that would be an okay idea.

Sure, she'll accept and possibly even enjoy the free movie pass, but that's where it stops. What you want is an environment where you can become more comfortable with her and get to know each other better. Speaking of getting to know one another, do you actually know anything about this girl? Share any common interests?


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I found all of this correspondence to be extremely amusing. You actually remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. Except without the virginity issues and the leaving expeditiously in the middle of a bisexual exhibitionist show...and I'd already sort of discovered the medical cocktail that allowed me to socialize effectively. There's little advice I can give you here because a) you have far too good of a sense of humor about your SA and that leads me to believe it's not insurmountable, and b) I'm a little thrown off by the "need to score lots of valium" talk and what initially appeared to be a delicious rant has now turned into lots of random replies and witty banter.

Are you sure this is a geniune problem? Sometimes you sound as though the prospect of being along with her scares you to death and other times you seem perfectly fine about it. You mention that you have problems socializing with her (and people in general) but you're forward enough to physically grope her. It's either totally random, unjustifiable behavior or there's a lot of exagerration going on here. You'll have to fortive my skeptical tendencies but I'm one of the SA people who can't even leave the house, let alone flirt with some girl at work, without substantial medical treatment. Even then, it's a constant struggle to rise above the subdued anxiety and socialize, shop, work, etc. I just want you to know that you don't have it quite as bad as you think you do if you're able to communicate with a potential love interest without nearly having a heart attack and running away screaming and swatting at imaginary bees.

You mentioned that you see a psychiatrist but didn't stipulate what, if any, sort of phamaceutical treatment he provides. Do you talk to him about this issues or just see him for medication management? In a perfect world, how would this story end for you? Would you end up with the girl in a committed relationship, just sleep together casually or would you rather not be dealing with it at all?


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Ahh, wait. I just thought of something you could try.

Do you get meal breaks at your job? Maybe you can take her out her out to lunch or something if your breaks can coincide? Although it'd be a brief limited time so you wouldn't have to force yourself to socialize with her for several hours, just half an hour or so. You could try that as a way of testing the waters to see if you can get comfortable with her and if so, plan for something bigger next.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Thanks for the clarification. My goal wasn't to have a pissing contest with you about whose anxiety is worse but rather to illustrate that, if you're not completely debilitated, there's still hope. Some people get caught up in a downward spiral of depression and despair and what begins as regular shyness ultimately manifests into something perpetual and beyond control. So, I'm sorry to hear that you're have social issues but I'm happy to know that you're able to laugh at it rather than self-medicate with alcohol or other substance abuse which, admittedly, I have been known to do.

That said, it sounds like you're headed in the right direction as far as finding a suitable treatment for your anxiety. However, I can't stress to you enough that valium is dangerously addictive, loses it's effectiveness as an anti-anxiety medication over time and can produce some nasty withdrawals if you use it on a regular basis. My first benzo was Ativan, which is very valium-like and I ended up a bigger mess three years after I started taking it than when my anxiety initially manifested. Paxil, Lexapro and Prozac did little to alleviate my SA also and, in fact, seemed to contribute to it. So do try to keep an open mind when you settle down with a regular psychiatrist and try to work out which single or combination of medications will work best for you. Use the valium sparringly.

Congratulations on the *** grabbing. If that's any indication of the type of girl she is, I doubt that it'd be very hard to get her alone and commence with the sex, if that's what you're primarily interested in. A long-term relationship may or may not come of this, though I have to admit the circumstances are a little odd and the progression rather fast-paced. If I were in your shoes, I'd take advantage of what is an apparently easy lay and stay as emotionally detatched as possible initially. At least then losing your virginity will be a non issue and you'll be free to guage her intentions based on the subsequent reaction/feedback to the sex. Either way, please do continue posting. The forums are a little dry lately and I'm very interested to hear about the next chapter in this little saga.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

If your anxiety works like mine does, and it seems to based on what I've read, I'd invite her over to your place. The lunch date might be a little taxing because you'd have to sit face to face and the whole eye contact thing might cause a lot of stress.

The way I finally broke the endless cycle of "failures" was to do progressively bolder things. At the beginning, when you're both feeling each other out, there's naturally more anxiety, BOTH ways might I add, so I like to control the situation as best as I can. For example, if you get her on your terf, at your house or whatever, you can plan an event around it...Cooking is money. Showing her interesting things around the house. Sitting on the couch and talking isn't as stressful for me b/c you're not always face to face...Just keep it casual like that at first. Based on your interactions thus far, a fancy dinner date or even going out period might be counting your chickens before they hatch.

And if everything falls into place, you'll already be INSIDE so you won't have to be doing that awkward "where should we go next" game. You'll simply just invite her into your bedroom to do the deed. :yes


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Cerberus -- Do you think that this girl is attracted to you because you're shy and are a bit of a challenge for her? Is it possible that because you aren't returning her advances you intrigue her? From what you've said this girl sounds very hot and can probably get the attention of any man she desires and probably has to fend guys off. But perhaps she wants a little challenge and because you're shy and anxious and you don't reciprocate that turns her on even more. 

In all honesty, I wish I was in your situation, guy.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Umm, I don't understand that reasoning of calling her a crackwhore just because the boss jokes about it...

but anyway, I can't say her reaction was favorable. Sorry you had to go through that.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

What a shallow, stupid little <censored>.

I officially hate her now.

I'm sorry this happened to you, Cerberituckius. :hug


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I had several girls screw with me in a similar way when I was still in school, but not on the level you experienced. They would follow me around and send me notes, things like that. I knew they weren't interested in me for real because they were probably the most popular girls in school and I was, well..trash to everyone. They just did it to embarrass me and I think their main goal was to get me to beleive they actually were interested in me. They figured I would eventually ask one of them out so they could reject and humiliate me on a grand level. I hate people who **** with your mind that way.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Eh, I've experienced similar experiences during my late teens/early 20's. Always with either younger girls or older women. I'm horrible with grudges, though, and ultimately made sure they suffered some sort of social consequences. Hey, at least you asked her out! I'm now 31 and I don't think I've ever actually asked someone out on a date before. I've always just sort of "ended up" with them after a party or bar experience that involved lots of hard alcohol. I suggest that you be as formal with her as possible from now on. Don't be rude but don't be casual and flirtatious. Let her figure out that screwing with other people, especially at work, has its repercussions. She may be older than you but she's acting like she's two years into high school.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

One of them I handled with calculated gossip. It was surprisingly successful and it took her months to trace the source of my viscious rumors which, of course, I adamantly denied. I think I added something to the effect of "In fact, I'm a little disappointed that you'd think I'm capable of something like that. We've always gotten along so well." The shameful expression on her face was priceless.

The other involved regurtitating some scantilly clad photographs a girl had volunteered to me onto the internet. It wasn't nearly as efficient as it would be today but, for all I know, they could still be floating around out there. BTW ladies, this is ALWAYS a bad idea, capturing sexually explicit images or video of yourself. It's almost guaranteed to end up in the hands of someone you'd rather not see it. 

Of course, I'm older and beyond this sort of petty maneuvering now. Either that or it's just been a long time since anyone has pissed me off enough to inspire any sort of excessive negative reaction.


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

I'm so sorry that happened to you :hug


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

> I don't get why she targeted me. Was it because I'm shy? Was it because I don't talk much? Was it because she could tell I was a social idiot?


That's pretty much how I felt when it happened to me. They enjoyed seeing my reaction and watching me squirm in discomfort and they loved to embarrass me in front of everyone. I think what set it all off was a girl in one of my science classes who discovered if she brushed against me I would recoil in embarrassment. She started showing it to her friends like I was some kind of novelty act and once they discovered how uncomfortable and easily embarrassed I became that set the wheels in motion. So many wonderful memories from my childhood...


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

*Re: re: Okay I'm Freaking OUT!! I seriously need some help!*



Cerberus said:


> It's really not fair, is it? Anxiety stopped me from asking out a girl for so long. Finally, when I come out of my shell and make an effort, I'm struck down. No one knows that I've felt suicidal on and off the entire summer. No one cares. No should have to deal with the head case that is me. Even if they're a head case.


Sucks big time. I'm sorry about that. I hope once you've cooled off a little, you'll see that the only "head case" is her and others like her. The way I see it you can either react w/bitterness & anger, which will just make you even more miserable and give her more power than she actually deserves or you can just realize that anyone that scheming and sick isn't worth your time or emotion or anxiety.

And usually what goes around comes around. :yes


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## segeta (Jun 1, 2005)

Cerberus said:


> Lots of girls over the years have thrown themselves at me, and what do I do?


Really? I am shy, but in such a situation, unless she was hideously ugly, I'd play along. My shyness is more a result of a fear of not knowing what she thinks though, and I'd stay mistrustful. Women love nothing more than tarring and feathering a man who has the presumption to think she'd actually be interested in her.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

*Re: re: Okay I'm Freaking OUT!! I seriously need some help!*



Cerberus said:


> SADFighter said:
> 
> 
> > Cerberus said:
> ...


Yeah, the first time I actually tried some messed up things happened also. And feelings had developed too. Sometimes that's just the way the ball bounces. It hurts and doesn't make any sense. There's one thing you can control: Whether you put yourself out there or not. If you never do, nothing will ever happen. If you do, it will.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Why do you care? Seriously. Whatever happens happens. You probably have low or no self esteem like a good portion of us so just do it. Go out with her see what happens. If she loses interest who cares!? You'll just end up in your current scenario that most of us guys on here are used to. She has shown interest. Look at the worst case scenario repeat after me; she loses interest. You'll be exactly where you'd be if you didn't try.

It's like someone has put out there hand and said want this candy bar. And you're freaking out thinking oh no, what if I don't take it out of the person's hand right? What if it's dropped in the exchange. You got someone that is offering up a chance for a date. Go for it.


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