# Completely cured from Social Anxiety! :)



## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

Bonjour! 
Man it's been a while since I last posted here, I don't even recognise the person I used to be to be honest. Anywho if anybody remembers me I used to post here a bit before when I struggled with Social Anxiety. I could relate to almost every member, fear of being judged, over-analytical after social confrontations, unable to mutter any words when confronted with a group of people etc. 

Basically I wanted to post not to just talk about how I have overcome Social Anxiety but also to provide help and any advice at all to any inquiries from members who still have Social Anxiety. Mainly because I know that those who "suffer" from it are usually the most genuine and kind-hearted people you'll meet .

Before I used to have trouble even talking to people one-on-one let alone in a group but now when I meet people I feel like I have been old friends with them and conversation flows, in fact it doesn't even cross my mind that I'm meeting somebody new. If I get a chance I love to be the center of attention and make everyone laugh, without of course being obnoxious. Also because I used to be quiet if I'm ever in a social situation and notice someone being quiet I try to strike up a conversation with them (without opening with the question, "Why are you so quiet?" haha)

I love being in big groups of people, the more the merrier, love going out etc.

It took me roughly 7 months to get from being unable to speak to one person to where I am today, I hadn't used any medication or therapy mainly focused on deciphering social interactions and the reasoning behind why people act in certain ways and how to respond in a positive manner etc. Pretty much a complete dissection of human interaction.

Anyway that's my story up-to-date, please if you have any questions or want any advice I'd be more than happy to try my best to help. 

Take it easy guys!


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## notna (Aug 24, 2010)

Erm so Sorry but how did you overcome Social Anxiety :roll


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

What would be an exact example of you overcoming SA?


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

I am happy that you are in a good place, but please if you are going to entice us with: "I can tell you how I did it" then elaborate. Also, I don't understand why you would put the word, "suffer" in quotations. It's comes off as being sarcastic or insincere to me. Even though I don't suffer as I once did, there is no doubt in my mind that I had deep emotional turmoil. If this was a mistake/misunderstanding then no harm and I apologize. 

What is sad, but often true, is that much of this pain is self-perpetuated. The upside is that one can improve their outlook to a more fulfilling one and learn to live with anxiety and people. 

Since my post is going in that direction, I will tell what I believed improved my current situation: a lot of things, namely effort. I've been to many therapy sessions, which were very beneficial to me- they allowed me to express my thoughts in a safe environment and to seriously look at what goes through my melon. 

My current job was very helpful too. I was (am) forced to be with the public. This high exposure has desensitized me to people in general. I use what I have learned in books and therapy to keep negative comments out of my head and objectively view anxious situations. It's not easy, it won't become easy, but it has become better to deal with.

How 'bout them apples?:b


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*It took me roughly 7 months to get from being unable to speak to one person to where I am today, I hadn't used any medication or therapy mainly focused on deciphering social interactions and the reasoning behind why people act in certain ways and how to respond in a positive manner etc. Pretty much a complete dissection of human interaction.*

Deciphering social interactions? Which social interactions? In what context? Which situations? How do you know that your own assumptions, interpretations and placing of meanings are correct in respect of these social interactions? If you have "deciphered" the reasons why people act in certain ways then what you have are guesses, ideas, opinions, observations, interpretations etc. If those have helped you, good. But that is technically speaking a form of therapy in itself and you don't know that what you think you know is true about those social interactions. A complete dissection of human interaction would not be possible and even if it were it would be daft to the extreme since the fluid nature of people an of life would render any understanding weak or without much form.


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## Bosonfield (Nov 29, 2010)

How do you always have something to say? I cannot be the centre of attention because I don't have anything to talk about.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> A complete dissection of human interaction would not be possible and even if it were it would be daft to the extreme since the fluid nature of people an of life would render any understanding weak or without much form.


Give the guy some credit - he's doing better, which is great. Why be so negative?


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

sherbert said:


> I am happy that you are in a good place, but please if you are going to entice us with: "I can tell you how I did it" then elaborate. Also, I don't understand why you would put the word, "suffer" in quotations. It's comes off as being sarcastic or insincere to me. Even though I don't suffer as I once did, there is no doubt in my mind that I had deep emotional turmoil. If this was a mistake/misunderstanding then no harm and I apologize.
> 
> What is sad, but often true, is that much of this pain is self-perpetuated. The upside is that one can improve their outlook to a more fulfilling one and learn to live with anxiety and people.
> 
> ...


I am very glad that you're starting to become desensitized to other people it was a pretty similar situation for me too, being forced into work with other people, being thrown into the deep end etc. It's not easy to block out those negative thoughts that constantly creep up, but by the sounds of it you're going in the right direction . Sorry about the "suffer" comment, I put it into quotation marks because I don't like using the word suffer, simple as that, not as an insincere remark or sarcastic quip. All the best sherbert :b

I agree with you completely that a lot of the pain caused by SA is self-perpetuated, in hindsight I realise that a lot of the negative thoughts and reactions I thought others had towards me were completely fabricated by my own mind. Almost all of it was untrue too.

Effort, perseverance, to get up when knocked down, all crucial elements in getting over SA.

Anyway best of luck with your current job as well! 

P.p.s. Sorry if it came off like I was just enticing, I had planned to elaborate just not then because it was around 1:40am and I was heaps tired haha



joinmartin said:


> *It took me roughly 7 months to get from being unable to speak to one person to where I am today, I hadn't used any medication or therapy mainly focused on deciphering social interactions and the reasoning behind why people act in certain ways and how to respond in a positive manner etc. Pretty much a complete dissection of human interaction.*
> 
> Deciphering social interactions? Which social interactions? In what context? Which situations? How do you know that your own assumptions, interpretations and placing of meanings are correct in respect of these social interactions? If you have "deciphered" the reasons why people act in certain ways then what you have are guesses, ideas, opinions, observations, interpretations etc. If those have helped you, good. But that is technically speaking a form of therapy in itself and you don't know that what you think you know is true about those social interactions. A complete dissection of human interaction would not be possible and even if it were it would be daft to the extreme since the fluid nature of people an of life would render any understanding weak or without much form.


I never meant to imply that my objective view on social interaction is a universally correct one, rather that they helped me to become the extrovert I am today. By offering my advice I'm not saying it's the correct way to do things, but rather I want to offer it because I hope that it is beneficial for others, only in that it helped me completely get over Social Anxiety. By therapy I meant attending an actual therapy session, independently without a psychologist etc. While I know almost every person is completely different in values and thoughts, there are a few tendencies that are repeated in people no matter how different. Look, I'm sorry if I came off as a know-it-all, but put simply, I just want to help those who still have Social Anxiety  because nothing pleases me more than seeing others living life without being restricted by internal boundaries.


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

rombow said:


> What would be an exact example of you overcoming SA?





Bosonfield said:


> How do you always have something to say? I cannot be the centre of attention because I don't have anything to talk about.





Anton said:


> Erm so Sorry but how did you overcome Social Anxiety :roll


 Alright I'll try to explain how I overcame SA and I'll try to recount my story. Please remember that all the stuff that happened for me may not work for others, all I know is that it made me into the person I am today. So if anything I hope somebody can use it for themselves . Some of it may be common knowledge or generalised but usually it's a lot easier said than done. You may get something or absolutely nothing from this story but whatever happens I wish you the best in overcoming SA 

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THESE ARE SUBJECTIVE, PERSONAL VIEWS AND ARE NOT UNIVERSAL TRUTH. Thanks dudes/dudettes

I'll start from the beginning about 7 months ago.

7 months ago I was pretty much bottom of the barrel, I had frequent suicidal thoughts, cried several times a week, only had a few friends to do anything with, wanted to go out but was afraid of interaction, lonely, frustrated etc.

One thing I remember doing was just sitting at the local shopping mall just staring at people walking past trying to make eye contact with them, I'm not sure how it was beneficial to me but it definitely helped with my confidence. I'm not sure why I decided to do it in the first place but gradually it built up my tolerance. It made me realise whether or not someone is judging you it doesn't matter because you can't even tell what they are thinking, so what is the point of caring anyway? Even if they were to voice their opinions it is no big deal, everyone is different and have a plethora of waivering opinions and of course an opinion is just that, it's not a truth. There is no point worrying about what someone else is thinking.

I think a lot of my SA stemmed from my self-image too, I was overweight and had poor self-esteem. Losing weight and toning up helped me build my confidence but then now I realise that what people consider "ideal body image" is again just an opinion not a universal truth. "Image" is something fabricated by the Media and corporations, in order to push consumers to feel self-concious and hopefully persuade them to purchase whatever products they may be selling (ab-doers, restrictive clothes etc.) I realised that this was one tendency shared by majority of people, body-image. Almost everyone is affected by it to varying degrees and almost everyone is self-concious of something. Knowing this for some reason helped me too, I guess it helped me relate to everyone else. Also I realised that some people were just able to completely negate their own self-conciousness. My own belief is that it comes down to knowing that image isn't everything. It only exists because of society, judgement and self-conciousness doesn't really exist in the natural world, it all goes by instinct. I realised that people who were judgemental were often just trying to counter their own self-conciousness (or just plain conceited but who cares about them right? ) Whether or not this is true is true is not too important, all I know was that knowing that helped me a considerable deal with dealing with others.

I think my first big break came when a friend offered a job to me at his workplace. As soon as he did I was terrified, immediately thought about all the interaction I would be facing over the next few weeks and reluctantly accepted the position. This job literally changed my life. Of course the first few weeks were stressful and as usual I wanted to quit within the first week I persevered knowing that any interaction with others could only be beneficial.

This was where I started observing social interaction and understanding the reasons behind it etc (again not to say it's universally true, just my own subjective opinion of it). One misconception that I dispelled was that when in groups everybody would be talking non-stop (I'm not sure why I thought that) but what helped me was looking around and realising that other people were not talking constantly. I used to take an objective outsider's perspective on the group and realised that everyone had the same position as me when talking in the group, the same view etc. I guess this helped me feel connected to everyone else and I was able to relate. Everyone there was able to talk freely, why couldn't I?

Over the next few weeks I began pushing myself to talk when confronted with the group situations. I started off slow, only muttering a few words every lunchtime etc. while continually observing others. Every time I did though I took it as a personal win. If everybody had a right to talk during the group interaction shouldn't I have the exact same right? I even realised that I could just be quiet if I wanted to, essentially I could do anything during these interactions and whether or not people judged me for those actions was unimportant. However I did want to talk and become more sociable so I continued on trying to say more during the next few weeks.

Things I came to realise was that people responded very well to people who were altruistic, non-judgemental and would just listen to what they had to say, even so much as just grinning or laughing during the conversation.

If people are talking about something you have no idea about you can just ask them outright what they are talking about, USUALLY they're more than happy to explain the topic they are discussing and you can go from there. If they act snobbish and don't want to tell you, then there is no point conversing with them . People aren't out to shut you down and judge you, they're out to talk and converse and socialise, this was one aspect I found hard to shake but I came to realise through interaction.

Viewing the group as a conglomerate used to terrify me, but seperating all the individuals I realised that everyone was the same. This allowed to me to overcome the barriers I faced when confronted with it. A lot of the time people are too concerned with themselves or other matters that might be on their mind to actually focus on one individual.

People also seemed to respond well to someone who who did not take themselves so seriously and could take the mickey out of themselves too. I had a little trouble with this aspect because when I used to bag myself out I took it seriously myself haha but now I came to realise that people don't actually take it seriously.

Another thing I realised in group situations is that you're not just constantly talking to one person but different people, this made it much easier to talk because I knew that if I came to a hurdle in the conversation I could just talk to somebody else.

There are a few more things that I realised but I'm having trouble remembering everything as it was over a 7-month period and I had many realisations during that time.

I guess in summarising all I can say is don't be afraid to throw yourself into the deep end, it'll start off extremely uncomfortable but just keep remiding yourself that it is beneficial. Take an objective outsider's view whenever confronted in a social situation and just remember very few people are "out to get you" and shut you down and if you do meet somebody like that then just simply walk away . All those realisations eventually let me talk completely openly and freely to other people whenever meeting them.

Anyway I hope somebody actually finds any of the information above useful, it seemed to work for me, so hopefully it works for somebody else.
All I wish is the best for everybody here in overcoming their SA. If you want an example of how much I've changed I used to be scared of going out with a group of 2 or more people. Now in a few weeks I'm celebrating my birthday and invited a little over 50 people and still feel that this is too little and could not be more ecstatic to go. Please don't take that as boasting, it was just to emphasise how much I had changed .

Anyway if you have any questions or anything than I'll try my best to help you out! 

All the best everybody

xox


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Thanks for posting all of that information. I'm sure some people will gain from it. I'm glad you even "bothered" to come back to SAS and fill us in. 

I agree about the making eye contact with people at the mall. I have done that too, and I learned that people weren't "giving me dirty looks" like I tought they were. That was a relief. It's always a relief to find out that in reality, (or at least in our perception of reality  ), our negative thoughts & assumptions were not true!

Your other realizations are very helpful too. You did a good job of explaining some of the ways you were able to improve. The only thing is.....I wish someone I knew would come and offer ME a job--if I was "forced" into one, then I'm sure i could desensitize to interactions a lot more quickly! 

Good for you!


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## AlisonWonderland (Nov 4, 2010)

Good for you, best of luck for the future .


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

Pam said:


> Thanks for posting all of that information. I'm sure some people will gain from it. I'm glad you even "bothered" to come back to SAS and fill us in.
> 
> I agree about the making eye contact with people at the mall. I have done that too, and I learned that people weren't "giving me dirty looks" like I tought they were. That was a relief. It's always a relief to find out that in reality, (or at least in our perception of reality  ), our negative thoughts & assumptions were not true!
> 
> ...


No problem Pam and cheers 

Yeah I had always planned to come back one day to talk about it because I remembered that all the members were very understanding and friendly and you just proved my point 

Yeah I definitely agree that realisation was an important one, dispelling the myth that almost everybody is 'out to get you' and judging you. Unfortunately like you said it is a fabrication of our thoughts but I'm glad that you realised it too 

Thanks for that I'm glad it helped!
Yeah I was lucky in that aspect, I suppose that if you don't get an offer you can just apply for one, or if not a job even some sort of community course or something that gets you amidst people to build up a tolerance etc.

I do wish you all the best Pam in overcoming SA sounds like you are also headed in the right direction too! 



AlisonWonderland said:


> Good for you, best of luck for the future .


Thank you AlisonWonderland 
I wish you all the best in your endeavor as well


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## cubanscorpio (Jun 30, 2010)

grats on your success. i agree people with SA are some of the kindest, most considerate people around. and that alone should be reason enough for us to believe in ourselves and believe that we can get a lot out of this life.

i have a question tho, which i dont think you addressed in ur OP. how do you deal with obnoxious a-holes? how do you respond to their ignorance and their implicit douchebaggery? do you just ignore them? and then what do you tell yourself to make yourself feel satisfied and secure?

thx

P.S. sorry if you already talked about this in the responses to the OP. i havent read them


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## im Lost (Dec 4, 2010)

wow! how did you do that?


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

cubanscorpio said:


> grats on your success. i agree people with SA are some of the kindest, most considerate people around. and that alone should be reason enough for us to believe in ourselves and believe that we can get a lot out of this life.
> 
> i have a question tho, which i dont think you addressed in ur OP. how do you deal with obnoxious a-holes? how do you respond to their ignorance and their implicit douchebaggery? do you just ignore them? and then what do you tell yourself to make yourself feel satisfied and secure?
> 
> ...


Well said! It is unfortunate that even regardless of this wonderful characteristic almost universally shared by those with SA, they still have difficulty believing in oneself.

A-holes and D-bags are always a pain in the arse. I haven't come into contact with many but when I do I usually tell myself not to stoop to their level and that the reason they are acting in that certain way is usually because they themselves are trying to justify some characteristic of theirs by belittling someone else who they think won't be able to take it. Same goes for those on power trips etc. You'll find a lot of it comes down to them being self-conscious and trying to counteract that feeling.

That thought alone helps me deal with it 

Sometimes the person may just be conceited and then I usually just ignore them and don't even bother giving them a second thought and walk away because obviously they gain pleasure from stirring stuff, so by not giving their desired response usually weakens their resolve.

And usually as a last resort if push comes to shove tell them to F*** off! 

Basically don't give them any notice or the time of day, these people are very undeserving of your time and remember they're just one person, you'll never see this person again (hopefully) so don't let them bother you!

Hope that helped cubanscorpio! 

Oh also after an interaction with an A-Hole you may think "Why did he attack me?" "Is it because (such and such)?" etc.
Remember these people aren't targeting you personally, they don't care who they go after, just as long as that person won't pose a threat to themselves and the biggest way to surprise them is to stand your ground.



im Lost said:


> wow! how did you do that?


I talked about it in this post 
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1676819-post9.html


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## cubanscorpio (Jun 30, 2010)

awesome! thx Adelleda. your advice sounds very true and convincing to this overly pessimistic mind. i think i will put these tips into practice. thanks for your help


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## walkerbonbon (Jun 2, 2010)

What a wonderful success story Adella,

Thank you so much for sharing with us so generously.


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

cubanscorpio said:


> awesome! thx Adelleda. your advice sounds very true and convincing to this overly pessimistic mind. i think i will put these tips into practice. thanks for your help


You're very welcome! 
I hope that you don't have to come into contact with any however! That would be the desirable outcome!

All the best in your journey as well 



walkerbonbon said:


> What a wonderful success story Adella,
> 
> Thank you so much for sharing with us so generously.


Thank you and you are very welcome walkerbonbon . I hope that the information I provided proves useful for you and other members! I'll continue to try and answer any questions as well that anybody has.

All the best!


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