# Taking up dance classes changed my life



## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

FAO those seeking to gain new friends:

I started salsa classes 8 yrs ago in my early 20s to tackle my shyness around people. 

If you can get yourself into a dance class and enjoy it enough to keep going, i couldn't recommend it enough. Long story short, everyone was is welcoming, and mature too so as long as you are making an effort to be nice, people won't judge you.

I was fortunate enough to live in London where there is large community to be a part of, and you can start a social life from scratch. There's no societal boundaries too: age, race, occupation is irrelevant. And once you get to know people, you can go out for meals, local events, industry networking etc

And there's the dating too of course. I haven't even gone into the perks of actually growing to be a good male dancer. If nothing else, I know that I can move to any city on Earth by myself, and if I knew no one, I can look up the local salsa scene. Instant social life.

It's hard for an SA to get started but at 30yrs old, I'd say dance classes have helped me overcome my social anxiety. Hopefully by telling you the long term benefits, you'd persevere and get into a nice social network.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Cept in America, dancing is associated with extreme homosexuality. I can't do it as a man or I will be made fun of like no other.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

Imbored21 said:


> Cept in America, dancing is associated with extreme homosexuality. I can't do it as a man or I will be made fun of like no other.


I guess you don't know how big dance is in Cali. Not every style of dance gives off that homosexual vibe, you'd be surprised with how intense dance battles get, especially with b-boying and krumping. I wish I got to live in Cali, there's so many dance classes I'd like to take out there. Also dance does help you get girls if you're really good at it =]

At OP, I too feel that dance has helped me in my life. It's given me a bit more confidence and it has helped me socially as well.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Cheers Purple Clouds 



Imbored21 said:


> Cept in America, dancing is associated with extreme homosexuality. I can't do it as a man or I will be made fun of like no other.


Admittedly, programmes like strictly come dancing do portray it as rather flamboyant. I prefer Cuban style, which is more masculine. Also my roots are in the Caribbean so I adapt to the music more.

If Salsa ain't your thing, that's cool. But "you dance salsa? Thats so gay!" you got to say that's pretty immature surely. It's a melting pot of ladies and with you being on LA, that's a huge dating pool. Or just socialising in general. So if you want to do it, do it.


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## elsaqueen (Feb 29, 2016)

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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

I did dance classes a few years ago. Jazz, hip hop/funk but unfortunately my classes were pretty antisocial and no one really went there to meet others and just went with their friends. 

One place I went to alone at my uni had a small class of maybe 20 about 70/30 female/male and I didn't meet anyone. The second place I went with a friend was a huge class and it was pointless trying to meet anyone because it was just like being in a cattle pen. No one talked before or after class so that was that. Maybe if I find a good class somewhere in future I would do it again, but those experiences put me off.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

chaosherz said:


> I did dance classes a few years ago. Jazz, hip hop/funk but unfortunately my classes were pretty antisocial and no one really went there to meet others and just went with their friends.
> 
> One place I went to alone at my uni had a small class of maybe 20 about 70/30 female/male and I didn't meet anyone. The second place I went with a friend was a huge class and it was pointless trying to meet anyone because it was just like being in a cattle pen. No one talked before or after class so that was that. Maybe if I find a good class somewhere in future I would do it again, but those experiences put me off.


Well it's good to see this thread resurrected. Although i've helped other forum members privately, I'd given up on suggesting this advice publicly quite a while ago, cos of how fast it sinks, lol.

But anyway, I'm sorry about your underwhelming experiences. If it's any consolation, people more a lot more when out of college, so whatever activity you choose, the chances do go up. To perhaps learn about your experience I just want to ask a question about the jazz/hip-hop if you didn't mind, particularly about the structure of the class. Was it:
- such that people were paired up in a circle, and then switched partners regularly throughout the lesson (as in a switchover a minute)? This would be how salsa or swing class or ballroom would be structured. Or...
- was the class structure such that you are in your individual space, all facing a mirror/ the teacher, and generally not interacting directly with others during the lesson?

The structure is very important in how easy it is to socialise. The 2nd format means you're only meeting before or after the class and it's easy for the social hierarchies to creep in, or for everyone rush in or out. The first one obviously allows a more intimate zone between between two people, and you interact with everyone in the class equally. Doing this and meeting the exact same people over weeks and weeks in an unforced fashion, it'd be hard not to build some rapport.

With the second structure however, it's just filled with social barriers. I honestly think it's no different then a school classroom, so I could only expect the same level of social success. The first structure in comparison is almost "speed date" in nature, without the romantic pressure. It's the good type of Friendzone!

So yeah, was just curious about the format of the classes you took, and whether my suggested theories above may have played a factor? Either way, thank you for your post.


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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

macky said:


> - was the class structure such that you are in your individual space, all facing a mirror/ the teacher, and generally not interacting directly with others during the lesson?


Yeah they were both the second type so that's why. Once or twice I have done the first type and you are right, it is a good way to speed date and meet new people but it didn't really progress for me in that way.... and I wasn't really looking at that point.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

chaosherz said:


> Yeah they were both the second type so that's why. Once or twice I have done the first type and you are right, it is a good way to speed date and meet new people but it didn't really progress for me in that way.... and I wasn't really looking at that point.


Actually I wouldn't really be focused on speed dating whilst taking the lesson -at least not in the beginning stages. It is just about meeting people and talking without running around chase people for conversations. But yeah, if you want to turn meeting people into friends, especially when having social anxiety, it helps if you actually want friendships as that makes you proactive.


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## Lostinlife111 (Feb 24, 2016)

That is so nice to hear! I wish I could dance! I'm so bad at it, but I did hear doing stuff like these will change your self esteem for the better! I wish I had learned some talent when I was younger, like piano or guitar or swiming lessons. Now I'm old and broke and talentless hahaa


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Lostinlife111 said:


> That is so nice to hear! I wish I could dance! I'm so bad at it, but I did hear doing stuff like these will change your self esteem for the better! I wish I had learned some talent when I was younger, like piano or guitar or swiming lessons. Now I'm old and broke and talentless hahaa


Well you would need to pay the weekly entry fee for the class but apart from that, age and talent is irrelavent if you want to start the salsa classes. It's actually better to start off on a clean sheet. Having previous dance concepts will only work against you.

And as for age, well there's this one old English guy who's inspired me from when I started. English taxi driver, got a humped back, very old looking: if he got on your bus, you'd get up and offer him a seat. BUT on the dance floor, he's sweeping 20 year-old girls on the dance floor. And they're loving it. And he's a nice guy too.

I've seen a youtube clip with him in it, so if anyone wants to see who I mean, ask and I might put up a link. Maybe it will be him, or it might be someone else but the point I try to make is.... its never too late.


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## Meggiepie (Jan 27, 2016)

I took ballet and tap lessons from the time I was 5 all the way until I was 17. I loved dancing and I still do, but unfortunately class was very cliquey when I was young and it actually made my SA worse. When I started going to a new studio it got a lot better, but I never made friends with any of the students there. I'm still in contact with my ballet instructor though, so that's something.

I'm happy that it has helped you so much


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Meggiepie said:


> I took ballet and tap lessons from the time I was 5 all the way until I was 17. I loved dancing and I still do, but unfortunately class was very cliquey when I was young and it actually made my SA worse. When I started going to a new studio it got a lot better, but I never made friends with any of the students there. I'm still in contact with my ballet instructor though, so that's something.
> 
> I'm happy that it has helped you so much


What I've come to realise is that what helped me was the specific format of the dance class i.e. being partnered up and thus having equal opportunity to talk with everyone. Cliquish behaviour was barely noticeable, even though they did exist to an extent.

My first lessons were in a dance studio and half the rooms there were usually ballet classes. I can see very much so why it has barriers for the less socially adaptable, as pretty much every social activity. The partner dance group classes are the only type of social activity I can think of, period, that bypasses a lot of these barriers. And even with that, it's only a certain type.

Seems like a bad thing but then again, if you're confident enough to attend such classes, provided you keep your expectations grounded, the chances of making friends and feeling welcome are high.

I'm glad you're still in contact with your dance instructor though. That's quite a rarity these days, especially for SA people, not to cut off links. They must be a nice person.


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