# why is it seen as something bad when a women is promiscuous?



## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Why does society frown upon women who give themselves away easily and make it a lifestyle?

Is it just another form of social control to try to stop them?

Why do they try to stop them?

People who shame these women, do they have selfish interests at heart?


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

Basically it's an attempt to control women's bodies and keep them using them in a way that benefits men. Keeping women afraid to explore keeps them manipulable.

Ultimately the goal is to facilitate male->female abuse and rape.


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## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

This is a prime example of 'sexism'. A good example of why feminism does and needs to exist. Bias and inequality is unfortunately rampant. 
Why is it that we never hear / read of young males 'giving themselves away easily'? Conversely, males doing just this same thing, are in fact celebrated. 

Yet going by the large number of misogynistic, embittered, small minded muppets, who claim that (supposedly and without evidence) feminism is simply a conspiracy and is an unjustified hatred of men based on (their self obsessed) opinion's and that in actual fact - no inequalities exist between the sexes and that further more, that men, are just as equally hard done by as women. :lol 

That's why (for folk in the UK at least) that 'Page 3' features blokes. 
That's why there is an even representation of females in politics, as compared to the numbers of females in society. Really??
That's why women's football and sports in general are just as popular as their male counter parts. 

The list goes on and on. God help any of the daughters of these fools :no


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## entangled (May 20, 2014)

becuz the vajayjay is scary and could EAT A THOUSAND MEN.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Not everyone sees it that way. Those who do usually don't have any reasons. They just think that is what they're supposed to think about it and that's what they're used to doing. Just following the crowd.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

It could actually be argued women being more willing to have sex/more partners is in our interests as men.

Amongst other things, "sl**-shaming" has always seemed to me to be _against_ our self-interests as men, rather than the opposite.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Because people insist on perceiving it as women "giving it away" and men "getting some".

That said, I'm not personally into promiscuousness - for men or women. Too much risk of complicated messy emotional issues, stds, and pregnancy.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> It could actually be argued women being more willing to have sex/more partners is in our interests as men.
> 
> Amongst other things, "sl**-shaming" has always seemed to be _against_ our self-interests as men, rather than the opposite.


Apparently men don't want to date 'used goods.' Even the men on this forum. So promoting promiscuity is bad for most men, if they hold ideas like that.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Gwynevere said:


> Apparently men don't want to date 'used goods.' Even the men on this forum. So promoting promiscuity is bad for most men, if they hold ideas like that.


Hmmm I'm not so sure if that is true for most men...It may be for many, but certainly not all. Also, for those who do care about the number of previous partners, the definition of "too many" will be entirely subjective. For some it will be a small number, other larger.

For what it's worth, I've seen many female virgins here express the worry that their virginity will be a turn off to men.

Personally I don't care either way, but I'm aware I may not have a lot in common with many men.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

I think there is a good and bad reason for that.

The bad one stems from women being seen as property.

The good one is people just thinking that being promiscuous can lead to problems like spreading STD's and unwanted children and such.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> That's not a real reason though. The danger of STD is equally present for males, and they don't get looked down on, in fact, they get cheered on.


Well you're implying that there has to be a double standard about it. Some people certainly do look down upon males for doing that. I don't cheer on guys for being promiscuous. nor do I look down upon girls for being promiscuous. But I do think people should be very careful about STD's.

But you could respond to that by saying the OP is only talking about the double standard. In that case yeah there are probably only negative reasons just like for most double standards.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

The only drawback I can see is STDs (which is the case with males too), but as long as you're safe, live it up. I'd rather date a woman who was willing to try things than one that's throwing Jesus booklets at me and saying things like "I'm saving myself until marriage." Yeah, OK--next.

And knowing that someone has had experiences makes them more interesting and desirable, I would think. Now, I wouldn't date a porn star, and if she has been with the Miami Heat all at once, I would rather just not know about it (because you imagine things and get carried away). Talking about sex history can be a Pandora's box anyway, just give me an overview and move on.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

I'm also gonna say it is rooted in sexism. Personally I find it stupid. It is one thing if you consider promiscuity in itself (regardless of gender) to not be a desirable trait when it comes to relationships/intercourse with another person. There's nothing wrong with that, has to be a personal preference. But holding it against them as a person or shaming them over it in any way? Ridiculous.

Though since it is the men that gets the blame as usual, I would like to add something. This behavior is not in any way unique for men. There are many women that sees promiscuity as a bad trait and that frown upon so called 'players' (which can be another word for male sl**). The big difference is actually in how the two genders treats their own kind. It is extremely rare that a man will be condemned by his peers for having had a lot of encounters with women. It is usually seen as something to admire. Whereas it is not so uncommon for women to look down upon each other and condemn other women for being promiscuous.

One can of course argue that this attitude or mentality originally stems from men. And that I can at least partly agree with. But in these modern times there is no reason women can't change this mentality among themselves. So don't put all of the blame on the men. Women contribute to this mentality too.



Gwynevere said:


> Ultimately the goal is to facilitate male->female abuse and rape.


You have an extremely disturbed view of men.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

There's some interesting theories in this thread  

What seems most likely to me is that it's an artifact from way back when - a time when there wasn't birth control or any means of identifying parents via DNA. It makes sense given this context that promiscuous women were looked down on. For one, a single woman throughout most of human history couldn't support herself financially and secondly it was to protect men who couldn't be 100% certain a child was his. Was it a harsh system? yep, but it was also effective and for it's time it's hard to argue for anything else.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

jimity said:


> Why does society frown upon women who give themselves away easily and make it a lifestyle?





diamondheart89 said:


> Because people insist on perceiving it as women "giving it away" and men "getting some".


You beat me to it.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Women do **** shame more than men do, according to arnie's studies.

We can view sex from an economic perspective. Sex is a female ressource - the biological constraints (ie pregnancy) makes p***y scarce and create value. Whenever some women are too "easy" they're essentially driving down the price of sex, by making it more accessible.



diamondheart89 said:


> Because people insist on perceiving it as women "giving it away" and men "getting some".


I'm one of them.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Paper Samurai said:


> There's some interesting theories in this thread
> 
> What seems most likely to me is that it's an artifact from way back when - a time when there wasn't birth control or any means of identifying parents via DNA. It makes sense given this context that promiscuous women were looked down on. For one, a single woman throughout most of human history couldn't support herself financially and secondly it was to protect men who couldn't be 100% certain a child was his. Was it a harsh system? yep, but it was also effective and for it's time it's hard to argue for anything else.


Studies have shown that men and women also react differently to different kinds of (imagined) cheating by their partner.
None are ok with cheating of course, but women rate emotional cheating as worse than men do, and men rate sexual cheating as worse than women do.
The stereotype goes that men have relationships to get sex, women have sex to get relationships. That is of course a gross simplification, but it could maybe explain some of it.
Also, as it's (again stereotyped) men who initiate and try to get a woman, he has less expectancy of her to only like him. She can like another and he'll still try to win her over.
I suspect women are less tolerant of emotional ambiguity and what we could call emotional promiscuity than men are.

How strongly these things matter and the consequences of them depend on the society you live in though and the values there. Certainly, more conservative, especially religious conservative, societies get very restrictive and vilifying about this.
But I think it's often too simplified here. At least I haven't seen guys get cheered on for having lots of sex to the degree some people are talking about. The only people I can remember who were like that were two or three back in high school. And they were, perhaps ironically, quite popular with some of the girls, but not particularly among the boys.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Gwynevere said:


> Basically it's an attempt to control women's bodies and keep them using them in a way that benefits men. Keeping women afraid to explore keeps them manipulable.
> 
> Ultimately the goal is to facilitate male->female abuse and rape.


*False.*



TicklemeRingo said:


> It could actually be argued women being more willing to have sex/more partners is in our interests as men.
> 
> Amongst other things, "sl**-shaming" has always seemed to me to be _against_ our self-interests as men, rather than the opposite.


*Fun fact: ****-Shaming is actually mostly enforced by other women, not men.*

Stigmatizing female promiscuity - a.k.a. ****-shaming - has often been blamed on men, who have a Darwinian incentive to discourage their spouses from straying. But they also have a Darwinian incentive to encourage other women to be promiscuous. Dr. Vaillancourt said the experiment and other research suggest the stigma is enforced mainly by women.
"Sex is coveted by men," she said. "Accordingly, women limit access as a way of maintaining advantage in the negotiation of this resource. Women who make sex too readily available compromise the power-holding position of the group, which is why many women are particularly intolerant of women who are, or seem to be, promiscuous."

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/a-cold-war-fought-by-women.html


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

losthismarbles said:


> Well you're implying that there has to be a double standard about it. Some people certainly do look down upon males for doing that. I don't cheer on guys for being promiscuous. nor do I look down upon girls for being promiscuous. But I do think people should be very careful about STD's.


Exactly. This goes both ways. There are many women that don't want to date a promiscuous man, but they don't receive bags of hate mail from irate feminists.

See this poll: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/past-sexual-partners-550794/

This argument has turned into just another way to attack men and blame them for all the troubles of society. There's nothing wrong with men having standards in the same way there's nothing wrong with women having standards.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

diamondheart89 said:


> That said, I'm not personally into promiscuousness - for men or women. Too much risk of complicated messy emotional issues, stds, and pregnancy.


Ain't that the truth...


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

arnie said:


> *Fun fact: ****-Shaming is actually mostly enforced by other women, not men.*


I'm aware of that claim. I was referring specifically to incidents when men do it.

For this reason:

If a man is interested in having lots of sex rather than settling down straight away and getting married, now is a great point in history to be alive.

Why ruin a good thing, guys?


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

**** shaming by women is similar to homophobia by men, it's driven by a fear of the label.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> *Because people insist on perceiving it as women "giving it away" and men "getting some".*
> 
> That said, I'm not personally into promiscuousness - for men or women. Too much risk of complicated messy emotional issues, stds, and pregnancy.


Pretty much


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

It's jealously from other women who aren't as good-looking as the ones that get the attention sexually from the guys they desire. Non-feminists I've spoke too, see no problem with women "who put out" more. Sex is fun, it's one of life's great free pleasures and men are being deprived increasingly in the western world. 

Feminists increase rape and prostitution - fact!


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Gwynevere said:


> **** shaming by women is similar to homophobia by men, it's driven by a fear of the label.


I suspect that is mostly true. However I think it's worth recognising that women are also perfectly capable of being cruel and unpleasant to each other purely for the sake of it, without being motivated by that fear.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

AceP said:


> Sex is fun, it's one of life's great free pleasures and men are being deprived increasingly in the western world.


I'm not so sure of that. In fact, the opposite seems true. It's difficult to think of a time in modern history when sex was _more _readily available.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I'm not so sure of that. In fact, the opposite seems true. It's difficult to think of a time in modern history when sex was _more _readily available.


Sure if you're good looking, have money or have the personality and social skills.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

AceP said:


> Feminists increase rape and prostitution - fact!


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

I don't know. I just think all genders should be treated equally. I just got my virginity taken away and I was testing the guy at first to see if all he wanted was just sex. But I also wasn't ready to have sex. I did recently and made him use protection and I took my birth control. I don't think women or men should be called *****s or whatever just because they want sex but if they're in a relationship with someone who wants to be serious, both genders should respect them and what they want to do. If they don't want to have sex at the time, they need to be okay with that.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with women being promiscuous. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a ****ing hypocrite.


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## Norton (Aug 18, 2012)

What was it like your first time to have it taken away. So the guy you were testing was he just wanting only sex.



shelbster18 said:


> I don't know. I just think all genders should be treated equally. I just got my virginity taken away and I was testing the guy at first to see if all he wanted was just sex. But I also wasn't ready to have sex. I did recently and made him use protection and I took my birth control. I don't think women or men should be called *****s or whatever just because they want sex but if they're in a relationship with someone who wants to be serious, both genders should respect them and what they want to do. If they don't want to have sex at the time, they need to be okay with that.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I think it's bad because the woman is the one who can end up getting pregnant.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

AceP said:


> It's jealously from other women who aren't as good-looking as the ones that get the attention sexually from the guys they desire.


I think this is a part of the problem and I was going to put it in my opening post.

Women who aren't getting any or no where near enough sex when they are single probably feel jealous. Usually they are the one's who aren't as good looking or socially capable and are uptight/conservative and so don't have guys approaching them and giving them attention all the time like the better looking women. So they see those other women having guys chase after them and having all the sex they want and so of course these sexually deprived women would resort to shaming those women and tell themselves excuses like "I wouldn't want to be a s**t".


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## Cellachan (Jul 7, 2014)

I view promiscuity as bad for both sexes. I think a Real alpha male values monogamy and would hope for his children to witness a stable family where bonds are sacred- contrary to popular televised what-have-you propaganda. To be honest, I get sick to my stomach when I hear about *****-ish tendancies in anyone...


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## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

Women are free to have sex with whoever and whenever they want. I don't call women names or put them down for their choices, but I *personally* respect women who aren't promiscuous more and would be more likely to associate myself with women who are more careful, judicious, and practice what I view as self control in who they have sex with.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

Maybe because it's desperate behavior. Both women and men should respect themselves and not think being sexual or their body represents who they are only. Selling your mental skills, character and intelligence rather than your body. Because when you only promote your body you probably have not much else to offer.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Diseases are a lot of it I think.. Plus its kind of gross to think this lady you're with got befouled by some other guy not that long ago.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

because women are seen as the level headed guardians of the gates and men are the window licking plebs who'll ram their dicks into anything wider than a pinhole


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

nothing "bad" about it except I wouldn't be interested in marrying her. It's the same as a woman marrying a guy who is promiscuous. I'm not that naïve to believe they are suddenly going to change because of me.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

diamondheart89 said:


> Because people insist on perceiving it as women "giving it away" and men "getting some".
> 
> That said, I'm not personally into promiscuousness - for men or women. Too much risk of complicated messy emotional issues, stds, and pregnancy.


So true.

These days sex and love are two different things - they're no longer intertwined like they used to be.

I think it's silly to live in 2014 and still hold women to a different standard. I definitely don't play into stereotypes myself or care what society views as bad, but I agree sleeping around comes with a whole host of other issues, that being the emotional person I am, I wouldn't handle well. I am not into "empty" sex. I don't think it helps a person any to be promiscuous, but at the end of the day it's their choice. Live and learn what's right for you.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

beothuck1 said:


> These days sex and love are two different things - they're no longer intertwined like they used to be.
> 
> .


 I think they've always been different things. Very different. it's because people have thought and still think that sex is the same as love, that they have suffered so much heartache.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Folded Edge said:


> This is a prime example of 'sexism'. A good example of why feminism does and needs to exist. Bias and inequality is unfortunately rampant.


Depends on the kind of feminism. I believe in gender equality and there are some strands that horrify me and are no better than male chauvinism.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Being promiscuous means that you have sex with people you barely know. The problem for women is:

1. Women are more at risk of being physically assaulted when having sex with strangers.

2. Women are more susceptible to STD's like AIDS. Condoms break all the time and a woman cannot force a man to wear a condom but man can always insist on wearing one. 

Of course there is a lot of sexism and there are double standards. But a woman who often sleeps with strangers is taking far greater risks than a man who does the same.


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## MariLushi (Jul 13, 2014)

Women are no mosre susceptible to HIV than men tho, and gettign HIV from one encounter is extrewmly difficult.

The majority of you men answering this actually disturb me, women can have as many sexual partners as they want just like most men.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

MariLushi said:


> Women are no mosre susceptible to HIV than men tho, and gettign HIV from one encounter is extrewmly difficult.
> 
> The majority of you men answering this actually disturb me, women can have as many sexual partners as they want just like most men.


*False. False. False.*

Research before you post!

The risk of transmission is *DOUBLE *for a woman compared to a man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_disease


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## MariLushi (Jul 13, 2014)

Yes I know but I mean, getting HIV in itself is extremly difficult there are tons ov variables. Retroviruses are anaerobic they die very quickly the instant they come into contact with O2. Insertive vaginal has .04% while receptive has .08% please tell me how huge the difference is. 

Please dont give me wikipedia lmfao. 

And anyways, that is not the reason why you men should think that women that have had several sexual partners are not worth of your respect, thats ridiculous.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

MariLushi said:


> Insertive vaginal has .04% while receptive has .08% *please tell me how huge the difference is. *




Math time! Those numbers are per sexual encounter. Therefore:

A woman having sex every day for a month has a *21.4%* chance of getting HIV.

A man doing the same has a *11.3%* chance of getting HIV.

Math: 1-(1-0.8%)^30


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

So it's not because the vajayjay can eat a thousand men...? :O


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## MariLushi (Jul 13, 2014)

That's not how it works at all, there are many biological factors in between of course the risk of transmission increase per encounter but you just cant put it like that in numbers NOBODY CAN. I read a while ago that it increases 10% per 1000 encounters or so but that's beyond the point anyway.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

^source?

Obviously then we should just do the politically correct thing then and assume men and women are exactly the same even though all of the science disagrees. :roll


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## MariLushi (Jul 13, 2014)

You are giving me wikipedia, and then you are asking me for an specific source? I read that in those article pages of my University, sorry I cant provide a link...

and wow this is conversation wont take us anywhere lol


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

MariLushi said:


> You are giving me wikipedia, and then you are asking me for an specific source? I read that in those article pages of my University, sorry I cant provide a link...
> 
> and wow this is conversation wont take us anywhere lol


So I should just trust some random stranger on the internet? :haha

And btw, wikipedia cites it's sources. If you don't believe it, you can check each one for yourself.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

its pretty much equally as bad for guys, except they can't get pregnant. a single mother scenario is probably more likely than a single father one, so i suppose the difference in outcomes may factor into an argument for treating the sexes differently in this regard.

is it equally as bad for gay people to be promiscuous?


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