# Housemates exclude me



## saya2077 (Oct 6, 2013)

:blank I'm not sure if this is in the right place but I really would love advice, and just a place to vent.

I'm in second year university and am sharing a house with 5 other people. The only reason I was invited to live with them was because another dropped out and the landlord needed it full; plus I couldn't afford to love anywhere else and didn't like the idea of being with stranger again like last year. I was living with two of them last year in a dorm (found it exceedingly difficult to talk to them and I wouldn't call us friends).

Last year they excluded me constantly, especially one who would not even talk to me outside "hello". They never ever invited me out. A third girl (graduated now) would quite a lot but those were the only times we'd be together. They always watch movies together an go shopping and never ever did they ask me. Even when we'd first met and they didn't know me. They ignored me quite a bit and preferred to talk to each other.

Right now they're having a small party with a lot of people (way too many people for me. Too scared to leave room) and one of the male housemates went upstairs to call the others down but didn't ask me at all. It hurt quite a bit. 

I wouldn't call them nice in any sense of the word. They're very two faced toward each other. But it's really difficult to be living in a house with people who clearly don't want me there. I try to be civil whenever I see any of them (I say hello, I help wash dishes, etc I'm not good at talking at all but try as hard as I can to force out a thing or two) but they won't do it back. I have no other living options and pretty much stay in my bedroom most the time since the few times I've sat in the room with them they've talked around me.

It would be nice to be talked to properly or for them to invite me at least once. But throughout this entire year since January they would make plans in front of me and just leave together. I understand if they think I dont like nights out, but watching films together in a room is something Id like to do too. I've expressed loving the same movies but still nothing.

I'm at the point I want to give up too and not bother talking to them at all. I made no friends on my last course and cant imagine I will on my new one. I had counselling but it didn't help at all and she just kept jumping to conclusions which frustrated me. 

I don't know what to do. I do look forward to my course and want my dream job so I will not drop out, but living with people who push me into a corner feels like ****. They even know I have social anxiety.


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## tripnutrients (Sep 4, 2014)

Hi.

I noticed your location, I actually went to sunderland uni (assuming that's where you are). long time ago now,97 I was there...

firstly, that sounds like a pretty sucky situation for you, but being entirely not your fault so you are technically not in the wrong at all. I'm sure you know that, just saying.

2ndly, although it sounds like it's not what you want ideally, don't ever think there's anything weird or unacceptable about being in a shared house but not really interacting with the other housemates, even if they all do with each other. I would say it is actually unusual for everyone in a shared house to get on and all be chummy like in Friends. couple of my friends and one of my brithers have lived in shared houses all over the place and there would always be one person, or a couple of people, or sometimes even everyone not really socialising with the anyone else. no biggie.

it is annoying to be the outcast in a group of friends if you want to be 'in' with them though. hope you can work it out somehow


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## Mr snooze (Feb 11, 2014)

They sound like pretentious pricks , imo dont bother with em when u made your effort to socialize , they aint worth your time. If it were me id look for another place if not possible ignore them until i graduate. Try mingling more with people of same interests. Hope ya find a friend :s


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

Sorry to hear that, can't believe that there are so many people out there like that. I can understand reasons for people with SA coming across as cold and unapproachable, but not being treated like that when you've been nice to them. A positive though, it's good that you're enjoying your course.


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## saya2077 (Oct 6, 2013)

Thank you for your replies, it really means a lot to me. I feel slightly better and have settled into my course smoother than I thought. I've come to not really see them at all this last week, and want to focus on my studies and trying to help my anxiety with new people on my course. Everyone has been more understanding in class.

Thank you again. :hug:


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