# Feeling Like My Therapist Has No Idea What She's Doing



## KaiRose (Dec 2, 2014)

I've been visiting a therapist for about two months now. I just had my fourth or fifth session today and I'm beginning to feel like my therapist has no idea how to treat me. While I have an obvious social anxiety issue, I also have various other issues that don't quite fit into that one diagnosis. I've asked her what my diagnosis is, and she at first responded that she "doesn't like to put labels on people", but she would look into it. I still don't know what my official diagnosis is, and that was the first or second session.

On top of that, the sessions seem to be just me talking. She'll ask a couple of questions, but it's mostly me talking. While this might partially be my fault as I have a tendency to ramble, she has yet to give me any profound information or advice. She doesn't seem to understand what my disorder is or how to treat it. I'm just a bit disappointed because she is very nice and I'm quite comfortable talking to her, but I don't feel like she's really helping me. She has 30+ years experience. I just expected more, I guess. 

I'm going to give her one more session and then decide what to do from there. I might confront her about it and ask if she's ever dealt with someone like me before. This has been my first time seeing a therapist, so I'm not quite sure how this is actually supposed to work. 

Am I being unreasonable? Do you think I should look for a new one? Have you ever dealt with or felt like you had a therapist that didn't know what they were doing? I'm very interested in some feedback...


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

I've gone through exactly what you are experiencing. They've checked out or given up, or just realized they don't have to do anything and can get paid for showing up. Then they become human listening devices, making minimal effort, barely paying attention.

So many I've seen were just like that. I'd say give her another chance, ask her what her thoughts and opinions are, what she can do to help you besides just listen. Maybe with a nudge she'll wake up and start doing her job.

Some people, that's all they need, a kind ear to vent to. But I need more than that.


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## Dylan2 (Jun 3, 2012)

KaiRose said:


> She has 30+ years experience.


Her experience might be working against you. Researchers only _started
_to put serious research effort into understanding social anxiety disorder around 25 years ago. I'll bet she didn't learn anything about social anxiety disorder when she was training to become a therapist.



KaiRose said:


> Am I being unreasonable? Do you think I should look for a new one? Have you ever dealt with or felt like you had a therapist that didn't know what they were doing? I'm very interested in some feedback...


It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable. If she doesn't want to "label" you with a diagnosis, she'll never be able to treat you. Some therapists just like to listen. I've found this approach helpful for general stress, but social anxiety disorder needs something more active.


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## KaiRose (Dec 2, 2014)

Thank you for the responses! I've talked it over with my mother, who has actually been to this same therapist, and we both agreed that I'll probably give her one more shot, and then possibly look for a specialist, or at least someone more knowledgeable. I just really want to know my official diagnosis and actually get some useful information for once...


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## KaiRose (Dec 2, 2014)

Dylan2 said:


> Her experience might be working against you. Researchers only _started
> _to put serious research effort into understanding social anxiety disorder around 25 years ago. I'll bet she didn't learn anything about social anxiety disorder when she was training to become a therapist.


I had no idea that social anxiety disorder was such a new thing being researched. I guess that is definitely something to keep in mind when looking for a new therapist. Younger might be better, then...


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## Teflondon (Dec 5, 2014)

It's a good idea to make a list of things you want to improve on, and then show that to a potential therapist when shopping for a new one. There has to be something of an interview process, whereby you're the one calling the shots. Therapists are such a mixed bag, and many of them are so passive that you may as well be talking to your dog. So make sure you land yourself a hands-on, goal-oriented one, if that's what you need. Good luck!


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

KaiRose said:


> I had no idea that social anxiety disorder was such a new thing being researched. I guess that is definitely something to keep in mind when looking for a new therapist. Younger might be better, then...


I think with therapy newer is almost always going to be better because previously there wasn't much in the way of proof required for therapies. Modern therapies (e.g. CBT) have at least some evidence behind them.

My own personal take on this is, and this especially applies if you are paying out of pocket for it, if you aren't getting any benefit, then change therapist. Doesn't matter how nice they are or any of that. Realistically sitting and talking probably won't do a great deal for SA, you need cognitive therapy combined with gradual exposure exercises I think.

My advice would be to get a CBT therapist first, if you haven't done that, as this has the most chance of helping.

Also, if the therapist cant diagnose you, then its a pretty bad sign imo. Diagnosis should be very easy after 4 sessions with a patient and a different diagnosis should mean different treatment (or it would if it were CBT at least).

You def aren't being unreasonable  - I am back seeing my old therapist for 2 weeks. The NHS assigned me a different one and I basically asked for my old one after just one session with this new one because something seemed a little 'off' about her. (I felt judged somehow, and felt worse when I left). My take on it is, the therapist needs to know their stuff and you need to have some degree of trust in them. If you don't then find a new one (this goes double if you are paying, but I ain't even gonna tolerate a crap therapist from the NHS. Been on this merry go round too many times before for that )

Therapists can make you worse, so its best imo to trust your judgement.


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## BooblyBill (Dec 16, 2014)

I felt the same way, $140/session and it was like she hadn't listened to a word I'd said. She'd make assumptions about me which I'd tell her were untrue, and yet still claim they were true and try to "treat" me with them.
She told me repeatedly that I needed to go to sleep at regular times, despite me telling her that I had great trouble sleeping.
I was like walking into hospital with cancer, and being prescribed a treatment of "stop having cancer" (followed by a hefty bill).

I swear most of these people have no clue what they're doing.


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## GloomyTracy (Jan 17, 2015)

KaiRose said:


> I'm going to give her one more session and then decide what to do from there. I might confront her about it and ask if she's ever dealt with someone like me before. This has been my first time seeing a therapist, so I'm not quite sure how this is actually supposed to work.
> 
> Am I being unreasonable? Do you think I should look for a new one? Have you ever dealt with or felt like you had a therapist that didn't know what they were doing? I'm very interested in some feedback...


 I had the same exact experience as you did with therapy.

I was referred to a psychiatrist about 8 years ago for my SA, so she was aware of my problem before I ever saw her. When I visited her the first time, she could only pose a few simple questions to me, such as asking me how I am doing, what is going on currently in my life, questions which a 5th grader could pose to me. I was a bit disappointed after the first session, as she never mentioned if she had other patients with SA or success in working with SA patients. I gave her a few more weeks/visits, and she never progressed in terms of which questions she posed to me, each visit seemed like my first visit to her, she never offered any advice, never offered any insights into SA, never mentioned if she had dealt with it before in her profession and I had to give up on her after about 6 weeks, and she was charging about $120 an hour for her services.

On one or two visits, she would start off the visit by not greeting me, just nodding her head to greet me, then allowing me to sit down, and she would sit across from me and stare me down and force me to start the conversation, it was very uncomfortable/bizarre. Due to my SA, I wasn't able to inform her that I would not be coming back, I can't say something like that in person nor over the phone, so I just stopped going (it's a trademark of my life)... and she never called to check up on me in the following weeks or months, so she clearly did not care about my problems and perhaps she did not know what SA is or how to treat it. The experience only made my SA worse, as it was just one more failure in life, where I felt taken advantage of and led on. I gave up on ever seeing a therapist again after the experience.


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## DeafBoy36 (Dec 12, 2009)

Therapy, in my opinion, is a joke. Yes, it can work for some people, but for most people, it's a joke. Think about it, really. how often do you see your therapist for a week compared to seeing your friends/family? That's a big difference. The best therapy, in my opinion, is talking to other people who has same anxiety/depression disorders in real life (I emphasize the term - in real life) is way much much better than going to a therapist. 

A therapist is very likely not to have ever experienced mental illness in her/his life, so how can they possibly really relate to you? They can't, they only can give clinical advice that they have learned from school. Only those who has had EXPERIENCED it truly can give good advice.

I met another SAS guy in real life and I learned more insights/advices on my anxiety/depression and vice versa in one single day compared to over 5 years of therapy. That tells you something, doesn't it?

Then again, therapy can work very well for some people, but for most people, it doesn't

Best Therapy = meeting real life people who has same anxiety/depression disorders as you do.

I also went to a NAMI group, in which they all have different mental disorders. The disorders itself doesn't matter, but virtually everyone has had severe anxiety/severe depression at one point. So I asked others about how they cope with it. They all gave great suggestions/advices. I was blown away. More effective than going to a therapy session. Give it a try.


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