# Dealing with no friends?



## UK guy (Nov 6, 2013)

If you're in the same situation as me, how do you deal with the loneliness?

I do some activities like going to the gym, playing golf and playing in poker tournaments, all of which can be done alone, and gives me some form of social interaction, without any in shame or fear of people thinking of me as a total loner (well i think, anyway) but i feel i just need people i can talk to.

One of the things that really gets to me is i dont have anyone to talk to about what i did today, what i may have achieved or telling a funny or interesting story of something that happened to me. Like literally no one anymore.

I dont have anyone to go on a night out with, i dont have anyone who i can go on holiday with.. And im seeing so many people who do and its a constant reminder of what i am lacking in life.

I dont even see it as an option to contact people i used to be friends with, which leaves me the option of making new friends, which is something i've always felt 'just happens', and is not something you can just decide to do.

Or the option of continuing to carry on with no friends at all.. i dont know, hopfully someone can offer me some advise. Thanks


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## EMwaves (Apr 27, 2014)

It is really hard to cope, I know _exactly_ what you're going through. I've been friendless for 8 months now (moved 600 miles away from my hometown for school, so no family either besides occasional phone calls). Before that, it had been about a year and a half having only one friend. I haven't even had more friends than I can count on one hand in around 4 years.

Curious, but why do you not see contacting old friends as an option? I hold the same stance, but my reason is because I just can't express myself or relate with people anymore (i.e. "weird") from the lack of friends for so long. So if I were to contact an old friend as I am now, it would be horrible because they would notice how I am now compared to how I used to be. If someone new is put off by me, it stings a whole lot less than an old friend doing the same.

But yeah I don't have any great advice for you, sorry. At least you go out and do some activities. Besides classes at university, I'm a complete shut-in.


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## hollowman32 (Oct 19, 2013)

It's good that you do somewhat social things like go out so give yourself some kudos for that. My old friends never bothered to keep up with me so I find it pointless to find out what they're up to. I don't have any friends, only acquaintances at work. The person who I'm closest to at work doesn't want to see me outside of work for now. Maybe she might change her mind in the future, but I really don't know. 

I started volunteering again and while I've met some people, they all seem to fake friendliness. Maybe it's because of the nature of the activity I'm involved in? I don't know. But there's another option for you.


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## UK guy (Nov 6, 2013)

What makes you think she doesn't want to see you outside of work?

What kind of volunteer work is it? I've thought about doing that in the past but never actually knew what i could volunteer with...


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## hollowman32 (Oct 19, 2013)

temp user said:


> What makes you think she doesn't want to see you outside of work?
> 
> What kind of volunteer work is it? I've thought about doing that in the past but never actually knew what i could volunteer with...


Well, I've asked to kick it with her a few times and she said no, but when I see her at work it's not like she avoids me all the time and we get along well.

I started volunteering at a place that fosters environmental education and caring for the environment. They have a bunch of different activities going on and the ones I got involved with so far are easy service hours for students. I'm starting to think maybe I should bite the bullet and start working with the kids because that's not exactly an easy thing to do.

It depends on what you're interested in. I'm not exactly the best environmentalist, but I thought it'd be good for me to try a new activity.


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## DubnRun (Oct 29, 2011)

I've unfortunately never met any therapist or any of the sort that even believes it's an issue. I deal with it by staring at a screen.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

See u like me need to speak more to the people we meet at these places. 1 place I go has plenty of regulars, I need to at least throw out a comment or 2 if I over hear people sometimes.....that sounds hard to do. But I do talk to the odd person. I'm also the literal outsider tho, standing on the edges. Maybe if I went to more of the music scene, I could blend in more and talk. But there's way less girls there's, and how do I split time between going to places full of girls, and places way more full of rock/metal head guys.

And just lately it felt like old times with 2 olf friends. And I also met 3 girls and another old acquaintance through them. So thats how it starts again I guess.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Music, food, masturbation, walking, cycling, and SAS.


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## Marley123 (Apr 11, 2014)

It's horrible, since I left school a year and half ago I've kept one friend, who is abit like me (prefers to stay hidden and away from people). It's driving me mad, literally, All I do is work then come home and watch what ever tv show I'm onto that week. Like you I play golf and go to the gym, but I'm still left feeling lonely as ever. Like you I find contacting old friends isn't an option. It sucks, I'm jealous of my own mother who has so many friends and always goes to lunch or catches up with them. She always says you grow out of shyness, I believed her up until it got worse  it's not fun when you don't have anyone to talk to, not even enough guts to see a psychiatrist


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## Marley123 (Apr 11, 2014)

Oh and I forgot to include how I deal with it, looking into future and hoping for change is how I deal with it. I don't live in the 'now' because the 'now' Is quite deoressing.


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## Loloanne (Apr 30, 2014)

*always alone*

I can relate with your situation , its hard and sad it makes me feel like no one likes me that they hate me that they din't like me as a person . I remember during my high school days my classmates doesn't doesn't like to talk to me its like as if I don't exist. and because of it I promised myself no matter what Im not going back on that school again,

Right now I only have like less than 15 friends ,they are all far from my place thats why Im always alone,I go out alone , I go to mall alone :no


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## Chrissie4 (May 1, 2014)

I have zero friends. That's why I don't have Facebook. 
I pushed all my friends away when I left school and due to my SA I didn't want to make new friends. But this year I'm trying to overcome SA and am looking at joining a SA group to meet people like me.
I don't particularly feel lonely. I'm an introvert so I do enjoy my alone time, but I do feel abnormal that I don't have friends.


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## LoneWolf246 (Apr 29, 2014)

I can also relate to your problem my only friends are my brother, cousins, and a few associates. It sucks doing everything alone and I dread the question about what I did this weekend since my social life is nonexistent and usually I'll lie to avoid being judged. I also think that seeking friends doesn't seem to work like going to social events and meeting people by chance but either way could work. It's great that you have hobbies that involve being around other people, who knows, you might end up meeting a friend at the poker game or the gym. So good luck and keep your head up!!!


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## VaultThirteen (May 23, 2013)

My advice is what NOT to do. Don't listen to dime-a-dozen articles that tell you to hang out at coffee shops or go out just to be around people. Even therapists tell people to do this for some reason. It. will. not. work. And it will bum you out because you're sitting there around people feeling lonely.

Go out to do stuff you really want to do but don't expect it to result in friends. That's what I've found anyway.


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## QuitSweatinMe (Aug 24, 2013)

I moved to a new city for work for about 6 months now. I haven't been able to make any friends here that I can call up anytime. While I'm stuck here until my days off, I finish my errands, go shopping, watch movies, and kinda ruminate on how lonely I am and how the future could be. I've even had my landlord tell me I need to get out more, but w/e. You can put yourself out there but if you can't find someone that you like or likes you back, oh wells


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

VaultThirteen said:


> My advice is what NOT to do. Don't listen to dime-a-dozen articles that tell you to hang out at coffee shops or go out just to be around people. Even therapists tell people to do this for some reason. It. will. not. work. And it will bum you out because you're sitting there around people feeling lonely.
> 
> Go out to do stuff you really want to do but don't expect it to result in friends. That's what I've found anyway.


This is so true especially with useless advice from therapists.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

hollowman32 said:


> It's good that you do somewhat social things like go out so give yourself some kudos for that. My old friends never bothered to keep up with me so I find it pointless to find out what they're up to. I don't have any friends, only acquaintances at work. The person who I'm closest to at work doesn't want to see me outside of work for now. Maybe she might change her mind in the future, but I really don't know.
> 
> I started volunteering again and while I've met some people, they all seem to fake friendliness. Maybe it's because of the nature of the activity I'm involved in? I don't know. But there's another option for you.


Something similar is happening to me too. I really don't have friends anymore as they are just acquaintances to me while I am still their friend. I am starting to feel that they don't respect me much at least less as time goes on. All cheers and jeers when I am there but no one of course wants to hang out outside of volunteering which is ok and in some cases better and safer. Usually in the volunteer environment some to most need to fake the friendliness especially if they are staff trying to retain them.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

VaultThirteen said:


> My advice is what NOT to do. Don't listen to dime-a-dozen articles that tell you to hang out at coffee shops or go out just to be around people. Even therapists tell people to do this for some reason. It. will. not. work. And it will bum you out because you're sitting there around people feeling lonely.
> 
> Go out to do stuff you really want to do but don't expect it to result in friends. That's what I've found anyway.


I also agree with this. People can really hold you back especially if you do things with them that either unhappily wastes your time or hate doing.


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## ZADY (Nov 11, 2013)

This is why I started to write a diary. I tell everything to it like it's a friend. It helps for me. Maybe try starting a diary? Hm I read books and play video games to pass the lonely time.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I guess I'm a loner. I like being alone. You see my problems is that most people bore me after about 15 mins. What helps me is to surround myself with things I love to do. For the most part I just don't miss being burned by so called friends. No help here but I know your pain!!


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I try to keep myself occupied. When I feel like I need a little human affection, I'll go to a bar or go online and find someone to **** me. That usually tides me over for a little while.


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## ShineGreymon (May 30, 2013)

Just Here said:


> I guess I'm a loner. I like being alone. You see my problems is that most people bore me after about 15 mins. What helps me is to surround myself with things I love to do. For the most part I just don't miss being burned by so called friends. No help here but I know your pain!!


You see that worked for me for 3 months ago. I used to say exactly that all the time but it no longer works. I wasted my time changing my mentallity so now I like people again, I constantly dream of having friends to sharr things with, where last year I diden't care.

I wish I could regain that thinking, it was alot easier and far lerss suicidal thought provoking.


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## Thanatar18 (Apr 27, 2014)

ShineGreymon said:


> You see that worked for me for 3 months ago. I used to say exactly that all the time but it no longer works. I wasted my time changing my mentallity so now I like people again, I constantly dream of having friends to sharr things with, where last year I diden't care.
> 
> I wish I could regain that thinking, it was alot easier and far lerss suicidal thought provoking.


I agree.... in junior high and high school I constantly told myself I "didn't need friends" and "had given up on romance at my school" and the sort... but in reality it was a lie :/

Even people who are fine with being loners, probably would like at least one or two good friends...


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I don't have time for friends- I get about four hours of free time a day during the work week.

Had I stayed at my old job I would have had much greater flexibility to do things and enjoy life. Now I am in prison basically. For shame.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

Making friends seems impossible for me at this point, I don't know how I made any friends at all as a younger teen.. I can't seem to get past "acquaintance" with anyone


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## youngdoom (May 13, 2014)

I usually listen to Eminem or work on art. I try to channel my anger into my art. But that doesn't work as it used to. Time is ticking and I can't take this much longer.


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## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

I've been struggling with this a lot lately... it's not easy. Even though I do consider myself to fall more on the introverted side, I do crave and need social interaction. And not just any social interaction, but meaningful and satisfying interaction... so just small talk with a cashier or whatever doesn't cut it.

I will give you props that you at least go out there and do stuff. I find myself more often than not just sitting on the couch and/or sleeping a lot. Obviously, I'm not dealing with the loneliness all that well.  I wish I could motivate myself to get out and do more things, but it's very much a struggle. Hopefully I'll be able to dig myself out of this rut soon, because I'm finding myself falling more and more into a deeper depression.


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## GetOutOfMyHouse (Jan 9, 2012)

This is my current situation, I'm on a new job and I'm not interested in being friends with any of these people, we have nothing in common, I just get up, go to work, spend all day in the computer and come back home, and spend the remaining time on my laptop.

My "friends" from college who live in different parts of the country blatantly forgot about me, I used to keep communication with them but after they forgot my birthday I realized it was one sided, so I stop it and it's like I vanished from earth for them.

Now the loneliness is getting unbearable.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I know being alone sucks. As a group were all here it's to bad we can't meet and talk in person. We all have a lot in common. We all know that life could be so much better if we had other people in it. (so sad)


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