# Your gender/Your therapist's gender



## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

This came to mind recently (especially now that I just went back to therapy), and I'm curious as to what the statistics will be. Perhaps there may be a correlation here.

I simply ask: What gender are you and what gender is your therapist?

I'm a male who is seeing a male therapist myself. I've noticed that not only have I had all males in the past (who's gonna quote me out of context? - winner gets a prize), but when my father asked me if I prefered a female or a male, I answered male with little hesitation. It sounds like I might some weird fear of being analyzed professionally by someone who is female. Then again, maybe a female therapist might help me in instances males might not be able to? Who knows? Maybe I should try one if the one I have now doesn't work?


So, how about everyone else here who is seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/bartender? Also, if you wouldn't mind, explain the reasons behind it (if there are).

Thanks again.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Ive had both male and females, although I always thought that i was fine around women since they were older, when i there actually was a young pretty one i was fine. But I feel like Male therapists go more to the point and women try not to offend you so they won't comment on problems you have. (I prefair to be told so i can try work it out, but I can see how it could knock someone.)


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I wanted to see a male therapist in the hopes that we could mind **** each other a la HBO's In Treatment, but got ahold of myself and found a female therapist.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm female & I have a male therapist.

I tried a female therapist before but I found her judgmental & *****y. I much prefer male therapists & doctors. Of course there are obvious transference problems all over the place with the male doctors but I just... can't help myself.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

I have a female, had my assessment done by a male! Don't think it make much of a difference to me


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

I simply chose the nearest Therapist who I felt was sufficiently qualified, and registered with the right regulatory bodies, and who had an interested in my specific issues.


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## afraid2goinpublic (Nov 8, 2011)

*Just started to see a therapist 2 weeks ago, but I knew I wanted another female.....some things in my past I will NOTdisscuss with a male...............*
*so WHOALA, female!*


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

jJoe said:


> Ive had both male and females, although I always thought that i was fine around women since they were older, when i there actually was a young pretty one i was fine. *But I feel like Male therapists go more to the point and women try not to offend you so they won't comment on problems you have. (I prefair to be told so i can try work it out, but I can see how it could knock someone.)*


For this reason I think I could benefit from a male therapist. My female therapist is around my age. It's almost like chatting with a friend. A very expensive friend.


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> I wanted to see a male therapist in the hopes that we could mind **** each other a la HBO's In Treatment, but got ahold of myself and found a female therapist.


LOL, I wouldn't mind Gabriel Byrne as my therapist. Of course, he would probably have to repeatedly get me to stop probing him about Ellen Barkin and get back to my issues.


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## LynnNBoys (Jul 13, 2011)

I've had both male and female therapists in the past. I tried one male and one female therapist in my 20s and didn't feel either one was helping much. But I think it was me not ready to open up and trust.

I had a male therapist for a couple of years in my 30s and felt that it was very helpful. I did like getting a male perspective about things. After I was able to get through my grief from my miscarriages, I talked to him about some marriage issues and problems I've had with my dad, so I liked to hear what a guy's take might be about things. I'd probably still be seeing him, but I took a break from therapy when I was feeling better. Then when I became more depressed again, I called him but he didn't have any openings. 

So then I started seeing the woman who my son was seeing for his anxiety and SPD. My son doesn't go anymore for individual therapy (just a social skills group) but I still go to her. I wasn't too sure how I felt about her giving any parenting advice at first because she didn't have any kids. But now she had a baby almost a year ago, so it's a little better. Not that it's always about parenting.

As mentioned above, sometimes it does just feel like I'm chatting with a friend with her. I did feel like I was getting somewhere when I saw the male therapist. It was awkward talking about anything sexual with him at first (like the fact that the anti-depressants I was on were suppressing my orgasms), but since I had been seeing him for 2-3 years, I was able to get past it and talk openly with him eventually.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

I have a female therapist. I'd feel weird opening up to a male.


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## ~Jessie~ (Jan 22, 2007)

I had seen a female psychologist when I was younger, although she wasn't able to help me with my anxiety due to lack of knowledge about it. She tried her very best to do what she could for me when I was 14. Her focus was more for the younger crowd. Unfortunately, she decided to move her job to her home after 3 months. I felt comfortable with talking to her because she would take me places and brought her dog in for company a few times. 

I had seen a psychiatrist regularly at the same time, who was female and I felt no connection from her because she was very straightforward with me. It was strictly doctor to patient type of sessions plus I couldn't understand her half the time. She had a french accent. I give her credit for trying though. 

I was placed in a youth program for teens with depression and anxiety, etc.. and it was a lot of fun. I'd see several different psychologists, another psychiatrist and students training to be ones. Surprisingly, I was able to talk to them all one-on-one during the year I was going there. But I found myself gravitating more towards the females out of comfort, again. What would happen is throughout the day, they would call up one of us to see how we are doing, individually. It make me nervous not knowing who was going to talk to me. 

After the program ended for me. I saw my old french accent psychiatrist that I totally felt disconnected from after that point. Thankfully she decided to let me go. I actually for the first year, a psychologist who saw me through the youth program had helped me out tremendously with getting adjusted back into school. So yea, another female and I felt comfortable and very open with her, more so than any of the others I saw. She knew what and when to talk about certain things and gave me lots of techniques and tips. 

Years later at 20, I went back to get an official diagnosis for my anxiety. Nobody really told me what I had other than depression. I saw a male psychiatrist and pretty much wanted out of there. He wasn't actually much help to me at all. He basically told me that its medication or no support at all, I left. I had joined group therapy for a month and the female psychologist didn't seem too understanding of my issues. 

I never saw anybody until this past September. I decided that I'd search for a female therapist because I've been around them longest and I feel more comfortable with opening up to them. So I'm currently seeing my psychologist who had helped me with adjusting to school again. Since she already knows my history, we can just get right into the techniques and exposure therapy. I was just desperate to find someone who could actually help me and cares for their patients. 

So my reasons for choosing a female over a male therapist is because I just feel more comfortable and open with them. It also allows me to have that type of 'friend' I haven't had in awhile. I mean she can simulate that for when I find more people to hang out with. She is really helping me move forward without being too forceful about it. I'm not comfortable with the opposite sex. I do wonder how I'd do if it was a male therapist though.


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## Paranoid of Spies (Nov 3, 2011)

Im actually not sure if the person I am seeing is a Therapist or not, but I think he is. I also see a psychologist once a month and she is a she.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

sleepytime said:


> I have a female therapist. I'd feel weird opening up to a male.


The person I see in schools male, but I he sees other people about issues other than confidence so Im always more careful about what I say infront of him in case other people find out.


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

I've seen both male and female therapists. I'm seeing a male therapist at the moment though. I didn't really see much of a difference between them but the experiences were all different mainly because of my willingness at whichever time to open up and tell the truth. So, the male therapist I see now has been able to help me more than anyone previous because I've told him everything. And I guess for the past, in general I trusted the male therapist wouldn't over react as much as I feared a female would to what I would say, but that was only a worry in my mind.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Dying note said:


> I've seen both male and female therapists. I'm seeing a male therapist at the moment though. I didn't really see much of a difference between them but the experiences were all different mainly because of my willingness at whichever time to open up and tell the truth. So, the male therapist I see now has been able to help me more than anyone previous because I've told him everything. And I guess for the past, in general I trusted the male therapist wouldn't over react as much as I feared a female would to what I would say, but that was only a worry in my mind.


I don't mean to put you on the spot but I'm always curious when people say they tell their therapist everything. I'm a pretty open person but I don't know what all my therapist needs to know. Can you expand on that at all?


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

Double Indemnity said:


> I don't mean to put you on the spot but I'm always curious when people say they tell their therapist everything. I'm a pretty open person but I don't know what all my therapist needs to know. Can you expand on that at all?


Oh sorry, I don't mean that exactly. I just meant that I've told him everything I was always hesitant and just terrified to mention to any doctor before regarding my thoughts (suicidal ideation, self-injurious behaviors). Before I would usually do my best to appear 'together' and not as far gone and ruined as I felt (still feel, unfortunately). When I started seeing this latest therapist, I was the worst I've ever been and didn't care enough to fear what would happen in telling the truth when asked certain questions.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Dying note said:


> Oh sorry, I don't mean that exactly. I just meant that I've told him everything I was always hesitant and just terrified to mention to any doctor before regarding my thoughts (suicidal ideation, self-injurious behaviors). Before I would usually do my best to appear 'together' and not as far gone and ruined as I felt (still feel, unfortunately). When I started seeing this latest therapist, I was the worst I've ever been and didn't care enough to fear what would happen in telling the truth when asked certain questions.


Got it. I was thinking more deepest darkest secrets type of stuff (which some of that may fall into). I came in with a written list of my symptoms/things I wanted to work on the first visit so my therapist knew what she was getting into with me. Ha.

It's good that you're able to open and candid with your therapist. It took me at least four visits before I sort of broke the wall down. I think because of the way I look, act, and talk people think I'm sweet and innocent. But I'm really not.  So when I disclose stuff that goes against this perception I'm always afraid they will keel over.


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

Double Indemnity said:


> I think because of the way I look, act, and talk *people think I'm sweet and innocent. But I'm really not.*  So when I disclose stuff that goes against this perception I'm always afraid they will keel over.


lol...wow, that's just what I think about often as well. The way other people say they think of me or see me, they'd never believe the real story - things I've done, how I really think.

Anyway though, yeah my therapist now is an older male and there have been times where I worry more about how much I disappoint him, which is weird I guess, and it's never happened before. But at least I'm aware of it and make sure I try keeping the lines clear in my mind...


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

I have a female therapist because I know it is difficult for me to open up to woman so I decided to challenge myself by doing that. So I just went for it and I been pretty successful. I had times where it was rocky but I just stuck through it since Iknow I dont want to live with SA for the reason of my life. I played it like this since I was nervous and shy-ish with female (at the time I made this decision) I needed more experience with them so I knew a female a therapist would help.


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## loquaciousintrovert (May 23, 2011)

I would never, ever, ever talk to a man about my deepest problems and issues. How am I supposed to talk about how I hate men sometimes? Yeah, that would go over well.

So my answer is obvious, even though I haven't had a therapist for years.


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

The therapist I last saw was a male (I'm planning on seeing him again soon too) but my psychiatrist has been a woman for years. I didn't like the male psychiatrist I saw briefly before her, but I was 11 and he reminded me too much of my dad. 
I was hesitant about seeing another male for that reason and also because of talking about rape/incest, but the one I'm in contact with now is great.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

female-female therapist

I've gone to some pretty dark places with her in therapy.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

I've never been to therapy but I think I would want a young, pretty female therapist because if I got comfortable around her then maybe I would be more comfortable around other females.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

I've only ever had a (male) psychiatrist as I've never felt like I can afford to regularly just talk through things.. even though I would like to it's never seemed like a feasible option. I figure my psychiatrist I can still talk to but we never go deep deep. Maybe a part of me is scared to or worried that it would be a disaster and push me over? I dunno I say I want to but it's always "I'll do that tomorrow" kind of things. 
At this point I know that one day I will.. I'd say I'd most likely try speaking with a male first like someone said 'in treatment' style. I am considering a career counsellor in the meantime which is a start... though I may prefer a female for that >_<


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## secreta (Oct 15, 2011)

I am a female and my therapist is female. 
I wish I had male therapist because I think it's easier for me to talk to males, but this town is just full of female therapists..


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I'm a female seeing a female therapist. I have absolutely nothing against male therapists but I prefer to have a female one because I feel they will understand what I'm going through better.


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## trendyfool (Apr 11, 2010)

I'm a gay male seeing a gay male therapist. Having previously been in therapy with a much older, married, straight man, I can say that I identify a lot more with a gay man in therapy, and I'm able to be a lot more honest and touch on things that I wouldn't even begin to go into with a straight man. I would also be open to seeing a female therapist.


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