# Your family, describe your realtion to them



## TheLoser (Jul 16, 2014)

So, I happen to have no one except my family. NO friends, no people I speak to regurarly. The family is everything I got, but I dont really feel I have a family either. My sibling and I are quite distant to each other and my mother and father never really been very close to us "children" either.

It feels weird to meet them. Its like I dont really know them anymore.

*How is your relation to your close family?*

Mine family

*Father:* My father has thought me much about who I know, but as I been older I realized that he never really was a great dad. Especially when I was at highschool and really struggled he never encouraged me or tried to help me. On the contrary, he acted more and more arrogant towards me as I started to isolate myself. He never dared to speak to me about it. Once he raised he's voice on me when I said I wouldn't go to school too early (before it actually started.) he asked me whether I was uncomfortable being at school. But the way he asked he obviously didn't want me to be honest, but basically forced me to say anything was fine because I had way to much respect for him. A few years he got a stroke. He completely changed and no he is just a depressed sad man who sit inside and feel sorry for himself. I feel bitter about him being like this becuase now I could easily raise my voice back at him for everything, but he to weak and pathetic to be angry at. I dont think he has many years left, but I want to die before him. I dont want to let him die being just sad for him self and his problems. This may seems harsh, but thats the way I feel. He is my father, and I help him the best way I can, but I dont respect him anymore and when I dont respect him its very hard to undertand why he couldn't have helped me instead being a cold and hard dad when I needed support the most.

*Mother:* My mother is a good person. At least for the most. But she always been a coward. Mothers are supposed to talk about the children about personal stuff and try help your kids, but she always just pretended everything is fine. All topics that are difficult she has never talked about them. She has never said she love me or any of my siblings, thats how she is. She talk loudly about anything, but stuff like that she never speaked about. She could have saved me when I was a teen, but since she are to afraid speaking about personal stuff, she avoided it like always. Last christmas I lost a whole lot of respect for her. She talked about this guy woring in a store close to where I live. "thats specialy boy who work in the shop there". I confronted her because it was just like other people decribes me. So I told her that "iim as wird and boy-ish" as him, if not more. The whole table got silent for half a minute. I feel proud about "defending" this guy, even though I usually dont say much in this occasions. I love my mother, but I can never forgive her for not being a real mother for me. I wont get any children, I know that, but if I did I would never let them feel the way I did.

*Sister:* My sister is good to me. I never feeled that she look down on me even though she obviously know Im not a normal person without a social life. I feel she is the most open and honest person I know and she never acts arrogant. Since she became a mother she tried to bind the family together it seems, and that is pretty natural I guess, as a mother. But she must realize that that is way to late to create a close family now. I hope she get a happy family with her own family though, she deserves it.

*Brother:* I can hardly call him a brother, even though he is. I remember we was real brothers in the childhood. I heard sound clips from when I was kid and we talked together. But it developed bit like with my father. When I started to struggle he became more and more arrogant towards me. I may be stupid thnking like this, but I would believe an older brother who he very outgoing would be more willing to help than to ignore and act cold the times we meet. Once he started crying and asked me for forgiveness for acting like this to me. Before then I hadn't really thought about it that closely. I even thought that is how brothers are to each other, but since he did I have realized that he was right. I basically lost all respect for him and dont want anything more to with him. We basically meet once a year and that is more than enough, even though we just live 20 minutes from each other.

This is my family. Ironically enough, this (hardly existent) realtions is what making suicide so hard. I dont want to live and I basically waiting for the right time, but its still hard to know my family may feel bad about me being gone.


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## Kawakami Disclose (Nov 27, 2014)

Dad: Works all the time and, tells me to go to bed when he gets home.

Mom: She is nice and have sort of always been there.

Sister: Has downsyndrome she is kind of hard to connect to.


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## onemanshow12 (Dec 4, 2014)

Dad: whenever I was upset or confused or needed help or emotional guidance, just told me to be strong and pray. I respected him so much for what he created for our family after the uobringing he went through, but have started questioning my respect for him. It hurts and im not sure about the emotions i have towards him.

Mother: does nothing but criticise or throw a million options out about how I "should" handle a situation. If anything causes her any stress or anything when i talk to her she quickly changes the subject or ends the conversation. This includes my emotions because she doesnt know how to deal with them. Because of this, she doesnt address them.

Siblings: they dont seem to see any problem with my parents but all have alot of the same anxiety problems and social problems at me. Growing up in a house with no emotional connection i really struggle having that with my siblings which honestly kills me.i wouldve most likely started losing contact with my parents if it werent for my siblings


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

bad/nonexistant


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

Dead.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

*mom* hardworking.,, always working 2 jobs minum... caring ,sweet but can be stren.. she tries to give us the world bc her mother didn't

*Dad* I feel like he's not there mentally, always passes blame, puts my younger brother down... doesn't work(makes excuses for why he can't find a job) .. and complains over nothing( like just going to the store is too much for him) ... and today.. i saw my coworker walking... and i wanted to pick her up and take her home... but my dad was like, "she's not my child..." before i even asked and drove on by....

and I was like ...ftw?!

bro(16) humorous, a bit lazy, but good at heart

bro(25) hardworking, shy, artistic

bro (7) spoiled, a bit bratty, cute

*I get along w/ all 3


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## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

My dad is pretty much nonexistent. Someone to be pitied. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with us but his insomnia and mental health issues kept him mostly sitting around depressed when not working at the steel mill. Eventually he gave up on ever feeling better. I tried to see him more but they were never that thrilled to have me inconvenience their schedule and eventually they moved 2 states away to be near my grandmother who I've only seen once every 5 years so that's pretty much nonexistent too. I doubt I will ever see my dad again before he dies.

My mom is emotionally constipated. There is no reassuring, supporting, etc... If a conversation became too emotional everyone on that side of my family just stops talking. You can't have emotion. She throws money at problems until they go away.

My stepdad is a 10year old who never grew up. He's scared to death for anything to be his fault. He tries so hard to impress people but if they try to stay friends with him he starts talking bad about them and getting increasingly annoyed until they stop trying to spend time with him. He's extremely judgemental. A psychiatrist threatened to turn him for verbal abuse over the disgusted noises and comments he made whenever I walked in a room. We do not exist to each other. When I stop to pick up something from the stable at my mom's house and they are home then my stepdad and I do not look at each other or talk while around each other.

I have no family.


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

My family, I practically have a very little relationship with. My parents and I have never had a great relationship, per se. We fight a lot and they were never there when I needed them. As for my sister, I never talk to her. She tormented me all throughout my childhood and although I have forgiven her for that, I still can't forget what she's done. So yeah I don't have any family member I can rely on. We are a pretty dysfunctional family who is just not that nice to each other.


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## TheClown7 (Oct 15, 2013)

Mother: Just there, you could ask her how much is 1+1 and she will answer ''blue''. Really kinda stupid. 
Father: Trash
Sister: trash
1st brother: trash
2nd brother: more TRASH

I have no one but myself. Gosh, I deserve a better family.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

I feel wayyyy too awkward round my family. Like, I don't even show anything about my life to them, I just wear headphones and tab out of stuff to hide most things cuz im super fecking anxious!!!! It probably screwed me completely in regards to my outward showing.


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## hazel22 (Dec 4, 2014)

mom: shes a perfectionist, needs things her way and is critical. she never really gave me emotional support or guidance. ive felt rejected by her my entire life. shes the main cause of why i feel like i never belong/deserve love. she was abused as a kid so thats why shes fcuked up and hyper controlling.

dad: overall fine, he is nice to me. i can see that he cares, he has tried to help and be supportive when i've been down, but he doesnt really understand what im going through and i cant really expect him to.


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## atc1991 (May 9, 2013)

Grandparents: Very supportive. They taught me so much, and they really go out of their way to make sure I'm doing alright. They can be irritating, and they're very crass and negative at times, but they will always be there when I need them. There's no way I'd be the person I am right now without them.

Mom: She's well-intentioned but often does more harm than good. She had me when she was 17, and I was raised by my grandparents, so it's a bit awkward being around her sometimes. However, the older I get the closer I get to her. I'm not a kid anymore, and I understand how life is sometimes. Mom works really hard. She always has. There's no sense in me judging her negatively for her mistakes because I know I'll make them too. She says things that hurt me sometimes, but it's ok. I'm sure I do that to her too. I wish we had a more traditional mother/son relationship, but I do appreciate what she does for me.

Uncle: I really look up to my uncle. He's really the most normal person in the family. He's pretty successful and has a good head on his shoulders. I hope I end up like him someday.

Brother: My little brother is irritating and sometimes he really makes me irate, but he's one of my best friends. I enjoy hanging out with him. He's in high school, and I wish he would take school more seriously. I don't want him regretting his screw ups when he's older.


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## wolf32 (Dec 6, 2014)

I used to have arguments with my parents but, everything used to go back to normal after a few days. Reaching 32 years and still living with them may have made them feel like I'm a huge failure. I to get my money to buy my own stuff and getting out to have some fun. My mother is a good person, but she always avoided discussing important family topics, she never really had much patience listening to me or my sister. When things got complicated, all she wanted was to go to the mall with her friands, to "forget about family issues", instead of facing them. My father can be described as supportive, but well, he changed a lot. It has reached an umbearable point. They just barely talk to me anymore. I had a job from 2011 to October this year and offered to help pay the bills all this time (water, electricity, food, etc..). That is what young adults usually do here in my country, until they find their own place to live/marry, etc.. but they didn't accept! Yesterday I went to the mall to buy gifts for everyone, despite the fact that I'm unemployed and making a low income out of freelance jobs. They didn't care about seeing gifts in the christmas tree. Not a single word spoken to me in 24 hours! And I try to talk to them normally. It seems like some spiritual curse! I tried discussing it with them, but they didn't care also. 
They're becoming cold people. My mother refused to go to my sisters birthday party because she thought the restaurant was "too far" and not wanting to go into a traffic jam. What I thought since my childhood was a very supportive family, now that I can see the bigger picture, feels like a huge bipolar dysfunctional thing. They now care more about their cellphones and Netflix more than anything.

You know who I've started to admire the most? 
People who had very though lives and manage to build their own, without becoming bitter, narcissistic and selfish and also help others at the same time. My relationship with my family is one of the main reasons I do believe in bad kharma from past lives. I must've been some type of slave trader, oppressive husband or anything like that.
Sorry for the long post.


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## peachypeach (Oct 9, 2014)

worth a try.


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

Father: Hostile
Sisters: Disinterested
Stepmother: So-so


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

Mother: basically well-meaning, I think, but makes terrible decisions, has terrible taste in men and seems to lack any self-awareness.

Father: disinterested for almost all of my life but still sees fit to blame me for our terrible relationship. Haven't seen him for eighteen months.

Sister: similar to her mother, awful judgement and taste in men, but she seems pretty affable. Honestly I have no idea because I almost never talk to her. 

Step-dad: he's just a dickhead, has always been and always will be.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Mother:

Is ill however doesn't understand me. She often throws nasty insults towards me and thinks it's acceptable because she is ill. She wrongly believes I am lazy and anything bad that happens to me must be my own fault in some way. She is stubborn, only apologises when she want's something and never truly means it. If I say anything in retaliation to something horrible she has said to me, she never accepts that she caused it and just blames it on me being bad tempered for no reason.


Grandmother:

Similar to my mother in so many ways. Has never, ever apologised. She actually isn't very intelligent at all but anything she says has to be agreed with or she gets dismissive. If I try to advise her on things I am given 1 or 2 word answers or i'm simply agreed with for the sake of it but nothing changes. Her dismissive attitude often causes friction. I have tried suggesting things we could do to make this house better all round, yet I am told to shut my mouth, that she doesn't care any more and to stop keeping on at her. Again, if I retaliate she never accepts that it was because of the way she spoke to me. Behind my back I regularly hear her say i'm bad tempered and horrible, and that she never does anything wrong. When I sit down and calmly talk to her to explain things and change that view, she just tells me she doesn't want to know.

Both of them have a very negative view of me for no reason and even though I am going through SA and depression, they refuse to even try and understand it. 

They have never once supported or stuck up for me because they have this assumption that anything I am accused of or anything bad that happens to me is my own fault and I deserve it. 

The funny thing is that anyone else who has ever known me would say the complete opposite about me


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Mother: eccentric, funny, supportive, intelligent yet naïve, stubborn, vocally talented, mentally unstable, temperamental. She doesn't like change and is scared of many things, almost scared to live, in a way. She has faced a lot of trauma in her life which she has buried away and refuses to dig up and deal with. If she could face her pain, get real with herself, and release herself from the shackles of her past, she might actually end up truly happy at some point. 

Father: humorous, always calm and cool, supportive, well-spoken, well-read, levelheaded, artistic, frugal. He loves music and is a creative, talented man. He's a matter-of-factly kind of dude and he comes off as pretty insensitive at times. I used to think he was mean when I was younger, but now I believe he truly comes from a place of love. He's basically always right and I can't stand that. 

Sister: wise beyond her years, religious, ambitious, strong, vocally talented

Brother: intelligent, protective, musically gifted (I'm talkin' genius level), funny, inquisitive, charming when he wants to be, can be hot-headed and rash, has a cocky swag to him

I get along with all of them pretty well, considering the circumstances.


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## buhlue (Mar 8, 2013)

I hide a lot of stuff from my parents (like stuff i would only tell my friends) just because i feel like its so awkward and i just dont feel comfortable sharing with them but besides that:

Mom: Very hardworking, works her butt off to pay the bills. Someone i can confide in for things i do want to share with her. She knows of my depression but just doesnt understand it and doesn't understand me as a person. I don't think she ever will, but I still love her and she's my favorite person.

Dad: Present, but non existent when it comes to issues I go through. It's tough to explain my relationship with him. I was extremely close to my father growing up, but he's done some not-so-great things that have made me favor my mother over the years.

Sister: We fight a lot because we're never on the same page and she invades my privacy WAY too much (as someone with SA, i value my privacy A LOT) so that is something I don't stomach well. Other than that, we can be friends when we choose to be. I do wish we were closer.


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## TooLateForRoses (Apr 19, 2014)

I haven't spoken to my parents in years. Of my 5 siblings i only talk to one, and that's at most 2 minutes of small talk a day.


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## gumball (Dec 4, 2014)

dad: probably see him once a week, because he's never home, supposedly "works", always always always drinking with his friends, and never does anything with the family. he prefers his friends way more. he's bitter, and extremely stubborn. my therapist says its hopeless to make him understand my condition because he is that stubborn. 

mom: very hardworker. her life revolves around her work, and she's the only one who takes care of the family. she caused my anxiety because she has it too and overprotects me like crazy. she understands my condition and tries to help me as much as she can. 

bro: we talk like...once very blue moon even though his room is literally across from mine lol! we grew very apart. he prefers his friends just like my dad, basically turned into another version of my dad lol


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## romeoindespair (Oct 16, 2014)

I don't have anyone I can actully talk to. I have people around me sure but they know next to nothing about who I am. What I like my intrests litterly nothing. They never ask how things are going or how I feel. It's like I could die tommorow and all knowlege about me my thoughts and feelings would die with me.

And then what would they say at my funeral? He was a nice guy. A little withdrawn but on the inside he was just as sweet as anyone. And then on my tombstone they'd print a bible verse even though I'm an atheist. ****in shoot me :no


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Father: been close to my dad growing up, but have drifted apart for the past several years after many years of living in different countries. He literally lost interest in keeping touch with me as much as I tried keeping in touch with him 

Mother: never close with her and I can't stand her, as the same with all of my siblings with her as well. She is a complete narcissist. I still have mandatory phone chats with her once/twice a week, which always end up in a lecture or hurtful intervention. 

Brother: he's 10 years older, and we never really interact much our whole life. Best way to probably describe his feeling towards me is... "just some girl that my parents gave birth to who happened to share 25% of my genes, and nothing more." I haven't seen or spoke to him for over a decade. He also hasn't spoken to my mom in over a decade. 

Step Sister: She was the perfect big sister figure to me right from the start despite having no blood relation to her. Only person in the family I still talk to frequently. Sad I rarely see her now given she lives like several thousand miles away. 

Aunt and cousins: probably the only blood relatives that I am close to now, that I see frequently and grateful to have them around. With them, I will go crazy of loneliness.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Father: Psychopath, Paranoid, Sociophobic, Severely Anxious, Coward, Stingy, 0 Self-Esteem. Never ever talks to any of us. Never supports any of us and blames us for everything. If someone were to come out of nowhere and stab me to death in the street, he would find me to blame because i haven't been careful enough.

Mother: 0 Self-Esteem. Been through hell her whole life(her parents divorced and she got married soon to get rid of her step-mom, then she got stuck with my father). I'm starting to feel negative toward her because this is a natural response of mind. When you associate someone with only misery and bad luck you start to feel negative towards them. Haven't talked to her much in the past few years and never talk to her about my problems because i don't want to put yet another burden on her.

Brother(2 years younger):


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*I was hated. This is my life benchmark*

Being at ease was not the way to live. I felt capable & proud.

My dead mum & dead brother were the nicest to me. Older bro kept me at distance with his priority to keep me away from all his daughters(4)
When other brother was deceased from cancer, elder bro spread the hate for me to the widow and her 2 daughters. Cut off.

Kindness from Dad in the same groove to follow mum's wishes, but we don't get on. Every relationship soon becomes corrupt. Girlfriends & employers give up on me in a apocalyptic way :no :mum

Xmas & summer to visit Dad, ending so miserably. Dad is my absolute firing boss. I depart for a good reason. Main factor in his attitude is being without a wife. I am 100% I do not cause trouble. I give. I don't take. The hatred is so deep when nobody respects me, because their own grief affects them and is blamed on me. I feel pinned to the cross of torture.

Anyone feel disrespected at work? I'm the feeding hand. I get bitten. Some crossover in what people want/need while my offering is not acceptable. Usually a simple mix of can-do when clashing results when required resources aren't available to me. So clear. Never my fault.
People are single-dimensional. One channel view. I'm multi-channelled. Too much for anyone to listen to. I'm aware what problems can be. Others hang the millstone round my neck. Nobody likes thinking. Point the finger!

Knowing each other
Compromise


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## OrangeArmy (Dec 30, 2014)

Mother: She, like me, suffers from depression. She is also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, which means her mood can change at the drop of a hat. She is also one of the sweetest people I know, she loves me as much as I love her, and she always has my back. One of the main reasons I want to get better this year is because of her and her peace of mind.

Father: The most hard working man I know, one I compare myself to and feel completely inadequate. My relationship with my father has changed recently, before I suffered an anxiety attack at work, which forced me to face my problems, we were distant, as I felt like I was too much of a failure to face him, but after that event happened, and I started to open up more to him, I feel as if we are closer and we understand each other better. Love him with all of my heart, and I am sure he loves me equally.

Brother: We are not the closest siblings, but nowhere near the most distant. My brother is the opposite of me, he is an achiever. He is currently working on his Psychology degree, he is hardworking, popular, a go-getter. I would be lying if I said I don't envy him, if even just a little, but I love him to pieces, and wish we were even a bit closer. I also dread the day he moves out and leaves me alone with my folks, it would magnify how much of a failure I am.:blank

Extended Family: I have an aunt that is like a second mother to me, and she is probably my most beloved extended family member. As for the rest, I love them and all, but I feel as if they look at me as some sort of failure, like some zoo animal to laugh and prod at. Maybe it's all in my head, but who knows. 

Overall, I feel very fortunate for the family I have. We aren't rich and probably won't be anytime soon, but we have each other, and that is my main solace during these trying times.


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

I had no relationships.
Period.
No one talked; at all.
Ever.
I grew up in near complete silence.
Honest.

Everyone in my family had severe SA / AvPD and no one talked for decades even though we lived under the same roof for 20 years.

I can count the number of conversations I had with my own father on one hand even though his bedroom was next to mine.

Not exaggerating at all.
No one talked - ever. Even at dinner.
It was like growing up in a silent tomb. Literally.

Silence for years on end.
It was spooky and surreal.
Pathological.

Even though I am a grown man, I still struggle with it.
It would have been better to have a family that at least fought and yelled at one another. This was living death.


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## haggybear (Apr 9, 2014)

My mom is loving yet overbearing. My dad is caring yet unsociable and not a friend in any way, which my mom is. I love them both but my dad is lower on the pedestal towards me.

But I do say caring loosely in regards towards my dad. When I was trying to learn a stick shift, my dad gave up after 5 minutes of me trying. This was after the fact that my dad even told me that the clutch was stiff and the car itself was a bit tricky to shift. Other than that, the only real advice he gave me was either the world was s*** or something to that effect but also whenever one door closes, another opens. So a mix of terrible advice and neutral/decent advice.


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## haggybear (Apr 9, 2014)

Lonelyguy111 said:


> I had no relationships.
> Period.
> No one talked; at all.
> Ever.
> ...


That sounds like a f****** nightmare man. I'm sorry.


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

haggybear said:


> That sounds like a f****** nightmare man. I'm sorry.


Yea.
Sorry for the self-pity, but it really did a number on my sense of self-worth.

What was so odd, is that my family were all professionals;

father was a CEO for a large well known aerospace / defense company, brother a doctor and my mother was a surgical nurse.

But they all virtually never spoke to me or one another for years and years and years. "Good morning and good night, and dinner is ready" and that is just about it. It was like the Twilight Zone. No wonder I developed severe SA and had no sense of self worth at all.

It was very very very weird and spooky.
I never brought my friends home because it was so freaky.

Sorry to pity-pot.


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## Blaze Crow (Sep 11, 2014)

Great Grandma: She raise me when both my parents I guess disappeared which I'll explain later. I learned everything from her, including her sarcasm. She was always supportive,kind, and knew what to say when I was down. One time we egg a racist family house that was giving us grief and got dairy queen afterwards. She passed away last year but I think about her when I think " what would she do?".

Dad: A ****ing *******, who I have not seen for 6 years. The guy was a ****ing nightmare to be around. When he comes to visit I would tired to hide from him, closet, in the wall, and sometimes tired to make a lego wall to hide behind 


(sidenote) I will resume this topic later since I got company.


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## chilip (Jan 6, 2015)

No relation to any of them hopefully.

Would like to one day have a relationship my sisters though. We were separated as children.


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## sarahferreira (Jan 18, 2015)

dad - closed minded, doesn't understand my SA or depression, even goes behind my back to cancel my Psych appointments.
mum - disinterested, obsessed with her job and only focuses on pleasing my dad
sister - lives in another country


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*I've done it all myself too many times*

before following any thread

I don't expect anyone to go and find that at all. It embarrasses me to do it more than once

However important it is.

Absolute scenario of form-filling all your life. Name, address, DOB... there is no one-off instance. Every question in life. Asked: do you have any siblings? HOW are YOU?

A well-put thread, but certainly hate the website for not allowing to adjust a thread if noticing any spelling error, as this one. We have to make a new one. Punishment.

I love all your replies above!


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

I don't feel particularly close with anyone in my family. 
Mother: hardworking, has a tendency to nag. But generally nice. She's been single for as long as I've been alive. I'm not sure if this has affected her or not.
Father: self-absorbed, manipulative, controlling, slightly neurotic. 
Older sister: autistic- don't have much of a relationship with her.
Younger sister: aspiring musician, quiet - we don't talk much, but we're generally nice to each other.
Youngest sister: the only time we talk is when she's in town. 
Step-mother: Never liked her, and I'm sure the feeling's mutual (even if she pretends otherwise).

All in all, I'm not particularly connected to anyone and I wish I was born with a different family.


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## romeoindespair (Oct 16, 2014)

Whats there to say?I don't have anyone I can actully talk to. I have people around me sure but they know next to nothing about who I am. What I like my intrests litterly nothing. They never ask how things are going or how I feel. It's like I could die tommorow and all knowlege about me my thoughts and feelings would die with me.

And then what would they say at my funeral? He was a nice guy. A little withdrawn but he had a heart of gold. And then on my tombstone they'd print a bible verse even though I'm an atheist.


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## Last of the Time Lords (Jan 17, 2015)

Dad: I guess he's a nice father but a terrible husband. He's pretty nice to me most of the time. He's not great with kids but as I grow up we're becoming somewhat closer. Sometimes he gets mad for stupid things and also he's an ******* to my mom a lot of the time. He's got this type of personality that can be really *******-ish one day and then really nice the next so it makes it impossible to hate him.

Mom: She's really awesome and always tries to do the best for me, but she's been really stressed lately and sometimes she takes it out on me. I don't blame her though cause I am a lazy **** and I never do any chores and stuff. She keeps giving me this speech every few weeks about how I should go out and talk to people or start doing some sport or whatever, and it's getting kind of annoying cause she doesn't seem to understand that it's not that easy to do that. But I don't blame her for that eighter cause I've never actually told her how I feel and why I don't have friends and she's just really worried about me.

I don't feel comfortable sharing stuff with eighter of them.


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## Venom Boss (Dec 4, 2014)

I can tell you that we are far from a happy family. Like at the WAY other end of the spectrum. I'll go ahead and give the bullet points:

Me: Grew up with Selective Mutism till I was 17. Mom overprotected me because of it. I was never allowed to hang with friends or do anything on my own because she was always worried that I would get hurt or taken advantage of. Besides my mom, no one in my family understood my SM, so they didn't bother to try and help me overcome it. I was never encouraged to become an independent adult. I was babied. I grew out my SM on my own, and not in a good way. I can say this is the main reason why I am so socially underdeveloped and I absolutely hate it.

Mother: Had a extremely rough childhood and was suicidal by the age of 11. Her whole family was abusive towards her. She started drinking when she was 12 because she was so depressed. She told me that she would often get into strange men's vehicles, hoping that they would kill her. My dad was a complete ***hole to my mom, constantly cheating on her and treating her like she was trash but she kept taking it. She has never had a chance to truly be happy. She is an angel. The most caring and unselfish woman in the world and all of my family around her, except me and my oldest sister, treat her with so much disrespect it's heart shattering. It sometimes makes me depressed.

Father: I only call him that because he planted the seed to my existence. He is one of the worst husbands to walk the earth. Always treated my mom like garbage and had girlfriends on the side. He was never a real father to his kids. Never wanted to take us anywhere because he felt embarrassed to be seen with us. We never had father-son talks, never played sports together, never hung out. He has anger issues. Always screaming and going nuts about the smallest, insignificant things. Especially if he's trying to fix something. He doesn't live with us anymore because my mom took in two children and he didn't want to deal with it more kids, so he left. I had to step in and be the man of the house by getting a job and helping her pay the bills.

Oldest sister: She's 33. She was born when my mom was 15. She had bear witness to a lot of the crap my mom took when she was a baby. My mom said that my sister is what got her out of her suicidal stage, so my mom shares a special bond with her. We used to not get along when we were younger, but as we got older, we became more close and now get along just fine. She's the one that keeps encouraging me to get my life started. Also, she's the only one in my family that graduated from high school. Plus, has her own place and a good paying job. She's actually the most "normal" person in my family. She didn't let all the family drama keep her down and it inspires me to become a completely different, better person. I thank her for that.

Older sister: She's 29. She's nothing like my other sister. She has three kids and a loser boyfriend and she has them all crammed up in a small room upstairs in our house. And check this, she is an assistant manager at walmart and makes 2x as much as my mom, yet she never helps with food, never cleans up after herself and her kids, and doesn't have a place to live for her and her kids. She just works and sleeps. Plus, she is disrespectful towards my mom, even though her boyfriend is a loser that doesn't pay rent and also disrespects my mom. Whenever my mom asks her to buy food, she always makes up excuses as to why she can't. Either she has no money(which is a complete lie, she's a freaking assistant manager!) or that she has lots of bills to pay (she only pays the light bill and her car bill), so her money runs dry. She has yet to grow up. Again, she's *29*. Her and the loser boyfriend are why I have so much stress and anxiety. I just want them to go away.

I'm not gonna list my two younger siblings or my nephews because they're just kids and they have no choice but to grow up with these type of people (including me). I can say this, though. I always tell them to stay in school and to learn from the grown up's mistakes and to follow their dreams and don't let us grown ups get in the way of their success. I want them to look at my oldest sister as inspiration for them to be independent, successful adults. I would never wish for them to be like me.


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## TruLaLa (Sep 10, 2013)

Dad: I'm not sure how I feel about him. Hated him as a kid because he'd argue and "fight" (not physically) with my mom about petty sh_t and he was emotionally abusive and vulgar towards her. She cried a couple of times. I secretly hoped he died or left someday. Me and my sister were a bit tough to deal with as kids and he had a short fuse, so we'd end up getting "punished" with the belt. It was more like a beating though, cuz he'd go out of control and I'd run under the table and sh_t so I grew up being scared of him. Now, I don't really hate him, but I strongly dislike how he hasn't changed much over the years. Lately, he's been trying to, but he still argues with my mom practically everyday 'cept he's less vulgar. We don't talk, only when he asks me something or needs me to look up stuff on the internet. He's always provided for the family financially, so I can't honestly say that I hate him now considering the financial hardships we've been through. I just wish he were more caring, and stopped arguing with my mom everyday. And didn't get temper flare up so easily.

Mom: She's the person I care most about in this world. If she died, it'd probably be lights out for me too. We're close, but even then I don't feel comfortable talking to her about my mental issues.

Sister: We were close growing up, but gradually grew apart. I blame my anxiety for this. We've barely talked ever since she moved out half a year ago. I don't call her, she calls my mom, then I talk to her quickly (usually less than 4-5 minutes), ask her how she's been and that's it. Before she moved, we hadn't talked for about 2 years, mostly because I was always in my room surfing the web, and gaming. I felt anxious around her (I'm also anxious around my parents), so I spent most of those 2 years inside my room with the door shut. I practically ignored her. I don't know much about her, her interests, and sh_t, and vice versa. I've been a sh_tty brother to her and I want to apologize but I don't know how or when... or if its even possible to fix our relationship.

No one in my family knows what I like, what my interests or ideals are, mostly because I've never told them. I can't be myself around them, I keep on thinking they'll judge or or something. I know my dad would, my mom probably wouldn't say anything, and my sister's pretty open-minded. But still.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

My mum, even tho i know she does everything out of love, can be extremely negative, overprotective, patronising and just plain annoying.She acts like a kid sometimes and says stuff that is really mean but rarely apologises for it... but.. She does nice stuff for me sometimes which is great (like gives me free tickets for stuff she wins sometimes or gives me extra money ) But i feel like shes trying to buy my affection??

Also pretty much like, 95 % of my anxiety is caused by her... her reaction to what i say and do, the ppl i befriend etc. 

She herself doesnt understand social anxiety but has very bad general anxiety. She constantly questions me and im pretty darn sure she thinks im total idiot..Probably cos she calls me that on a regular basis :/

Always babying me and that makes me feel small and stupid and she yells over the top of me even when im cool and calm and level headed in an argument/dissagreement..

Sometimes when she yells i just walk away and say nothing cos there is no correct response anyway. Im also the one who gets to hear about all her problems so im her counsellor, as well as daughter and someone who pays rent. 

Its not a great relationship... I'd much rather live away from her and see how that goes. I'm working on achieving that goal

My dad is basically non existant and im like 1000000th priority to him. I know he loves me,(i think so anyway) but he certainly doesnt try hard to spend time or even reply back to his own daughters texts...

Only child.

I rely on my self and my friends for emotional support i spose.


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## tiramisu (Jan 28, 2015)

ah **** my parent.
they are the reason why i'm becoming like this.
dad: loser. dirty mouth. abusive. arrogant. unloving. careless. stupid. not exists.
mom: bystander. weak. prescription drug addict. stupid. imprisoning her kids for her own emotional comfort.


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## Ril3y (Feb 8, 2015)

My family is... overly nice to the point of coming off as fake. My sister is super conservative and a bit of a prude. My mom is super kind but ditsy as ****. My dad is a good guy but never really showed me how to be a guy. Even though my parents never treated me poorly, I resent them for not molding me into someone who could succeed. I don't know why they didn't try to speak up and help me when I was in high school and not being very social... even grade school. They're boring as **** and now so am I. no amount of exposure will fix me Because I have no past. I didn't even realize that hanging out with friends on weekdays was an option So when i went to college to live in dorms, i couldnt handle the constant exposure to ppl. My life is ****ed and I will never be able to fix it because my parents just let me sit there alone not developing social skills.


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## Ril3y (Feb 8, 2015)

My family taught me to not step on anyone's toes and to worry about stuff that nobody needs to worry about.


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## Ril3y (Feb 8, 2015)

My relationship with them after today is nonexistant. Tomorrow will be the last time I speak to them.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Sad


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## Blue Scout (Feb 5, 2015)

I have an excellent relationship with my family, especially my brother. We hang out for hours every day.


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## T Studdly (Jul 20, 2013)

*Father:* My dad was a cop and has seen terrible things in his career which has hardened him a lot. He's blunt and a tough love kind of person. Though we get along for the most part and discuss gaming a lot (he's an avid PC gamer like me) I simply rather avoid him if i'm upset. In the end of the conversation, his attempt to "comfort me" is a lecture where he basically shows how he doesn't believe I can do things on my own and say's everything is my fault.

*Mom:* Unlike my dad, my mom is compasionate and gives kind advice and guidance to me. Sometimes I get aggitated with her constant reminders or things I already know but thats just me being pissy. She tries to look at things from my point of view where as my dad always thinks he's right. I go to her when I need advice.

*Sister:* I dislike her. She's loud, obnoxious and disrespectul to my mom and constantly tells lies about her trying to turn me against her. It's catty and rude. I'll talk to her sometimes, but mostly she bugs me about something irrelevent or talks to me to ask me for money. I just tell her i'm busy or to go away. When I move out I don't see us talking again.

*Roomate:* (I'm including him because he's the closest friend I have and he's like a brother to me, he even attends our family get together's, my other family even goive him gifts on xmas and hug him and treat him as if he was blood family.) I've known him since middle school, he doesn't have much to say when I need comfort but he'll hug me and tell me it'll be ok. we don't always get along as he can be arrogant I admit and I can be very irratable. He has his flaws but he's a good person, no matter how much I complain about him sometimes, he'll always be like a sibling to me.

*Step Cousin:* I've never met a more chill person. He never gets angry, he's always nice and hilarious and he's a gamer to boot. We always played smash brothers together. When we met (we were metting him, his sister and my uncles girlfriend for the first time) we both had pokemon games and I know we would become fast friends. He joined the navy two years ago, and I miss him a lot. Hopefully i'll see him when he comes back for a visit.

*Other family:* My other relationships are neutral, we only talk during events and get along. They're really nice people though, they can all discuss politcis without getting into a fight and tell jokes. I don't hate anyone of them but my cousin is iffy because he's a bit of a homophobe but that's just me being protective of my roommate.


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## thunderface (Nov 25, 2014)

I live with my parents, which is getting more and more annoying. 

My Dad was never much of a Dad. He had lots of daughters and then I came along and he was happy, but I turned out to be gay so obviously not the son he wanted. Goes both ways though because he's not the father I ever wanted!

I used to think my Mum was wonderful, but now I see she's just flawed in so many ways. Her addiction to alcohol stained my childhood and now she's addicted to scratch cards, but then moans about having no money. I feel like saying "stop wasting money on scratch cards then you idiot!!!!" She also hides this addiction and I hear her hiding them whenever I get near to a room she's in. 

I don't see much of my sisters, which is fine because they're mostly "oh you should do this..." and think they know best.


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## lightheart (Jul 19, 2013)

Apart from some who have had a reasonable relationship with a unconditionally loving parent in their childhood, it does seem like a lot of people here have grown up with pretty absent, neglectful, and quite dysfunctional people. No wonder the amount of anxiety!
I am 'No Contact' with my parents for over a year now. For very good reasons which I will go into. I am however in contact with my older sister who lives abroad and I am trying to hold the threads of a very tenuous relationship together with her.
My story.... I grew up in a highly abusive family. I was what is called the 'scapegoat' of a very dysfunctional family. Basically I suffered bucketloads upon bucketloads of physical, emotional, and psychologiccal abuse from when I was a wee toddler up to my teenage years of 15/16. This was from all members of my family in different forms over the years. The first abuse memory I was around 18mnths old. After that it mainly took the form of hitting, slapping, terrorising, belittling, discounting, shaming, blaming, humiliating, gas lighting, threatening, day in day out. My dad tried to kill me when I was 7/8 by strangulation. I had maybe a breath left. Both my parents are what my therapist calls 'deeply disturbed individuals'. Narcissists basically.
Someone did inform social services but they only got to the front door. My mum proudly told me about this once that she had a visit for HER and told them that SHE was ok thanks!! and managed to turn them away somehow. She also told me many times how I hid once in the cupboard and smeared myself in chocolate. Maybe true but looking back it was probably her who smeared me in chocolate to hide the bruises.
As a result of this dreadful behaviour I developed CPTSD at around aged 6/7yrs old. Which is a form of PTSD. The C standing for 'Complex'. Its what prisoners of war suffer from when their will and freedom has been taken away from them over a period of time. Its basically what most people would develop if you have been in a stressful situation experiencing layers and layers of trauma over a period of time.
My mum is a highly self absorbed, very negative fearful person, who sadly suffered a lot in her childhood probably, so tragically she did not have the tools or insight to bring me up with the right kind of love. She took more than she was able to give basically. Both of them did. Which does not lay the ground for one to develop a healthy sense of self. I do have compassion for her and my father but I cannot bare to be near them, well I am sure you can understand why.
A lot of people say... well they seem alright! Yes they do on the surface, but behind close doors it was a different matter. My dad was a police man aswell believe it or not so I understand how it feels T Studdly!! What a joke that is. My dad was battle hardened also, like yours, but I get the sense that my dad went into that profession because it legally allowed him to be the bully and tyrant that he is! What do you think about yours? Mine would talk endlessly at the dinner table about how right he was in each police incident, how everyone else was in the wrong blah, blah, blah!! He did not understand human nature basically!! Because he has none!! and No I did not appreciate being walked around the house in the latest police f****ng arm lock! You Freak!!
"You'll get over it and see them one day" or, "its in the past, get over it!" other people say. Errrr.. No maybe not!! Yes it is in the past but actually what do you think we are all made from? We have a thing called our inner child, who is in the engine room driving us day to day!! I forgive my parents yes I do, but this does not mean I want to be around them. I freak out if see anyone who has the same colour hair as them on the street for gods sake!! Apart from the fact that I will probably do something I will regret if I do seem them again.
So where I am now is that I am in my early 40's, I have had about four years of therapy in different forms. Both cognitive and now been with a great psychoanalyst for the past two years. This has been the most amazing rollercoaster of a healing journey. She is what I needed from my parents. Understanding, love, compassion, guidance, friendship, wisdom, nurturing and encouragement. She is the first person in my life that I feel safe with and can truly trust. She is a wonderfully wise human being with a big heart. As you can imagine I do have trust issues bigtime and need the help. My intimate relationships have been a breeding ground of insecurities and anxiety, and groups I just do not function well within.
I have found that leaving the relationship with my parents has been the hardest decision I ever had to make funny enough but the best thing I have ever done, as it is now allowing me to truly grieve the pain, and all the other losses. & grow finally. I am now beginning to feel healthy for the first time ever and at peace with myself and people in my life. xx


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## green9206 (May 13, 2013)

Father - Someone who has never been there for me when i was a kid, a teen and even now. Biggest liar i have ever seen, its like he actually really does believe his own lies or maybe he's just deluded. Never admitted his own fault and always blamed others. He is self content with his life and does not care for anyone else.And so i will not about him either. He is going to die alone and he deserves it.
Mother- Insane. Goes through frequent bouts of rage and insanity. Always fights going on between her and dad. Also the biggest liar i have ever seen.Thinks she's been a good mom when she has done nothing besides cook food at home.Never been there for me just like my dad. So just like him she too will die a lonely miserable death and she too will have deserved it. 
Sister- I'll just pretend i don't have one coz we haven't spoken since 7 years while living under the same roof and i guarantee you we wont be speaking until our deaths.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

My family = Ignoring me all together because they don't really understand what SA is, or why I'm the way I am. Ignorance is a bliss,I guess.


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## xriverr (Dec 22, 2013)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> My mum, even tho i know she does everything out of love, can be extremely negative, overprotective, patronising and just plain annoying.She acts like a kid sometimes and says stuff that is really mean but rarely apologises for it... but.. She does nice stuff for me sometimes which is great (like gives me free tickets for stuff she wins sometimes or gives me extra money ) But i feel like shes trying to buy my affection??
> 
> Also pretty much like, 95 % of my anxiety is caused by her... her reaction to what i say and do, the ppl i befriend etc.
> 
> ...


My mom is the same way: as well as judgmental, always talking about herself, and gossips about everything. I think that's why I never tell my mom anything; younger me probably realize that it's a terrible idea and I realize now that I can't trust her to keep it between us. I would love to have a open relationship based on mutual trust and understanding but she just has a lot of personal issues which I cannot deal with. She also brings up the **** she has done, as if I owe her some type of favor. In a way, she is also quite manipulative. I doubt I will ever reach out to her once I have established my own life. Not that I've forgotten about her, but more of I don't need toxic people in my life, and she is the person I need to ditch. I don't mind people with issues but when it is so deeply rooted and I'd had better time communicating with a wall, there's no point for me to keep people like that in my life. And trust me, living away is amazing, it really helped me clear my head and get out of that toxic environment. On the other hand, not everything goes away. Living with my mom for so long really did a number of me but I am slowly and surely recovering.


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