# Is it hard for you to be attracted to people?



## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

I've noticed it's extremely difficult for me to be physically attracted to someone. I can think they're really good looking, but I wouldn't want to get intimate/physical with them. I have a high sex drive so this can be frustrating. I've only met a few people who I've felt the initial spark of attraction for, and I've only had one boyfriend who I was/am extremely attracted to. I know I'm no Megan Fox, so I feel like if I was attracted to a wider selection of people, I would be able to give more people a chance.

Perhaps this is something many people experience?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

To me a girl can be physically attractive but not sexually attractive - at all. If you don't ever project a vibe of sensuality then it's hard to feel that level of attraction. I'm thinking you just don't meet many guys who provide any sexual tension - you're only 18 so most of the dudes don't really know what they're doin' yet when it comes to being classy, sensual beings.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

rymo said:


> I'm thinking you just don't meet many guys who provide any sexual tension - you're only 18 so most of the dudes don't really know what they're doin' yet when it comes to being classy, sensual beings.


That's a good way to describe it, I'm not feeling the tempting vibe from most dudes. When I do I want to rip their clothes off, but it doesn't happen too often. :/


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Well, this is kind of depressing. Maybe it'll change when you get a bit older.

Isn't the female sexual peak in her late 30's?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

sorrwel said:


> That's a good way to describe it, I'm not feeling the tempting vibe from most dudes. When I do I want to rip their clothes off, but it doesn't happen too often. :/


Rip their clothes off...yes...and then....yes...go on...YES.....


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

rymo said:


> Rip their clothes off...yes...and then....yes...go on...YES.....


Lol, I think you know what would happen next.



Canucklehead said:


> Isn't the female sexual peak in her late 30's?


Never heard of that, but it might be true. I'm definitely not feeling a low sex drive, just no sexual attraction to most males. I might just need to branch out and explore my options.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

sorrwel said:


> Never heard of that, but it might be true. I'm definitely not feeling a low sex drive, just no sexual attraction to most males. I might just need to branch out and explore my options.


Yes...I read that Connecticut has the highest density of sexy men, might want to explore that option.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I usually get to a point where I just dont want to sleep with them anymore, like for some reason after a while I just got put off them.

With my last ex it was sometimes like that where she would be driving down here and I would think "Nah I dont fancy sex with her this weekend" then as soon as she arrived and I saw her I would change that to "Yep definitely sex this weekend"


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## Guldove (Oct 17, 2012)

The mental aspect often seems to be missing.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Never heard of that, but it might be true. I'm definitely not feeling a low sex drive, just no sexual attraction to most males. I might just need to branch out and explore my options.


What attracts you, if you don't mind my asking?


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I have this. Must be attracted to someones personality in order to be able to feel sexually attracted. I dont consider it a problem, if anything its a good thing.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> What attracts you, if you don't mind my asking?


Basically the same things that would attract anyone, so I don't know why it's hard for me to feel it. Confidence, ability to keep a conversation, slight aggressiveness, etc., although I've noticed I lean more towards the douchebag spectrum, trying to grow out of that. I just seem to find it lacking in a lot of the people I've been around; they can be very dull in their attempts at conversation/flirting. I need excitement.



Invisiblehandicap said:


> I have this. Must be attracted to someones personality in order to be able to feel sexually attracted. I dont consider it a problem, if anything its a good thing.


Yeah, I'm trying to remember this. Maybe I just don't mesh well with a lot of people.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Yes I have big problems with it,I just dont seem to be intrested in anybody.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

sorrwel said:


> I've noticed it's extremely difficult for me to be physically attracted to someone.


Yes, I am the same way. It's very very very rare for me.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Rossy said:


> Yes I have big problems with it,I just dont seem to be intrested in anybody.


Yay, I'm not alone. :3


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Maybe I just don't get it.

I have a hard time being sexually attracted to someone I'm not physically attracted to, but if the person is good looking, I have an easy time being sexually attracted to them.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I am too much of a free bird so to speak,I dont really need anybody.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Canucklehead said:


> Maybe I just don't get it.
> 
> I have a hard time being sexually attracted to someone I'm not physically attracted to, but if the person is good looking, I have an easy time being sexually attracted to them.


Yes but could you still be sexually attracted to an attractive girl that you find to be a bad person or has an insufferable personality?..Hopefully not.

Its kind of like an extreme version of that where an attractive person can only be attractive if they have a certain personality type that you like.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Yes but could you still be sexually attracted to an attractive girl that *you find to be a bad person or has an insufferable personality*?..Hopefully not.


Yeah, it's kind of a turn on actually. :afr Sort of a, stop talking and go into my bedroom type of scenario.

Don't be mad at me, I wouldn't start a relationship with her if she was a terrible person.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Yeah, it's kind of a turn on actually. :afr
> 
> Don't be mad at me, I wouldn't start a relationship with her if she was a terrible person.


So you'd be more sexually attracted to her if you hated her personality? 

Personally I can't imagine being physical with someone who isn't psychologically sexy enough.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

sorrwel said:


> So you'd be more sexually attracted to her if you hated her personality?
> 
> Personally I can't imagine being physical with someone who isn't psychologically sexy enough.


-


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I'm not alone! I always thought I was so weird for this. I can find a guy physically attractive, but it's not that often that I'm like "damn I want to do things to him." I think my self image issues have a large part to do with it, because sometimes I consciously feel myself trying to suppress any attraction thinking "it's ridiculous that you're attracted to him because he'd never want you" and the rare times I do feel okay about myself, I find myself attracted really easily. So I don't know what the issue is, but it's not often I really feel that attraction.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Barette said:


> I'm not alone! I always thought I was so weird for this. I can find a guy physically attractive, but it's not that often that I'm like "damn I want to do things to him." I think my self image issues have a large part to do with it, because sometimes I consciously feel myself trying to suppress any attraction thinking "it's ridiculous that you're attracted to him because he'd never want you" and the rare times I do feel okay about myself, I find myself attracted really easily. So I don't know what the issue is, but it's not often I really feel that attraction.


I've often wondered if I'm part of the problem too, because I don't get attracted to people very often.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Canucklehead said:


> Yeah, it's kind of a turn on actually. :afr Sort of a, stop talking and go into my bedroom type of scenario.
> 
> Don't be mad at me, I wouldn't start a relationship with her if she was a terrible person.


O_O...


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## BKrakow (Jul 8, 2010)

nope, I'm attracted to people left and right. then I get to know them, and end up hating them.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Normal I think? Theres a whole spectrum, I can think a guy is the best looking thing ever but there is nothin there. I'm actually more attracted to less stereotypically good looking guys because my attraction usually has to do with how nice they are to me. Most of the guys who have been nicer to me aren't Mr. "Perfect" looking. IDK I guess I just can't even fathom sleeping with someone until I feel like I know them, the more I get to know the guys I like the more they invade my headspace. It's just how its always been, I don't think you can force yourself to change your personality type like that. It generally has far less to do with how cute they are (although they are all cute, the ones I like) and more to do with how they treat/interact with me. Nice/Flirty/Attentive... its just how I roll.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

So from what I can gather from this thread, it's suffice to say that most women are attracted to more than just looks in a guy when it comes to sexual attraction.

Is that a fair assessment?

I know I'll be generalizing here, but I think for most guys, looks are like 95% + of sexual attraction.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> So from what I can gather from this thread, it's suffice to say that most women are attracted to more than just looks in a guy when it comes to sexual attraction.
> 
> Is that a fair assessment?
> 
> I know I'll be generalizing here, but I think for most guys, looks are like 95% + of sexual attraction.


Yeah, I think for women it's a lot more mental than it is just physical. I know for me, it's rare that I'm just attracted by the physical appearance. SO much has to do with how I like them as a person. Once I see who they are as a person, that's where the attraction starts.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Barette said:


> Yeah, I think for women it's a lot more mental than it is just physical. I know for me, it's rare that I'm just attracted by the physical appearance. SO much has to do with how I like them as a person. Once I see who they are as a person, that's where the attraction starts.


Are there ever any exceptions for super attractive dudes?

Like Greek god looking guys, that may not be the most intellectually stimulating, but their bodies are just so amazing that you can't help but be sexually attracted?

I think it works that way for me, when I'm attracted to a chick that I don't particularly connect with.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Are there ever any exceptions for super attractive dudes?
> 
> Like Greek god looking guys, that may not be the most intellectually stimulating, but their bodies are just so amazing that you can't help but be sexually attracted?
> 
> I think it works that way for me, when I'm attracted to a chick that I don't particularly connect with.


Eh, very rarely. Honestly I can't tell you the last time I saw a guy and was attracted purely by what I saw.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Barette said:


> Yeah, I think for women it's a lot more mental than it is just physical. I know for me, it's rare that I'm just attracted by the physical appearance. SO much has to do with how I like them as a person. Once I see who they are as a person, that's where the attraction starts.


Yeah, I'm the same way. And to answer the OP, I rarely want to do more than kiss somebody. I have an incredibly low sex drive (or just flat out not interested?). I don't know for sure what the issue is but low sex drive and self esteem issues for miles oughtta do it.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Barette said:


> Eh, very rarely. Honestly I can't tell you the last time I saw a guy and was attracted purely by what I saw.


Maybe once you've had sex with a few people you will feel differently.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Maybe once you've had sex with a few people you will feel differently.


I figure that, too. Right now having pretty much no experience, it makes sense that that might be why I don't get attracted very easily.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Sometimes.
When I'm depressed I'm not attracted to any women at all. But that is usually caused by my sex drive being killed by my depression.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm the opposite. Every time I see a hot guy I think sexual thoughts. I think like a dude. I would just imagine what they are like in bed. I seem to can't help it. I can be shallow and only want a guy on their looks. But that's just for casual stuff. Soo yeah I guess I'm rare. :/ I grew up listening to boys maybe that's why I have a mind like a guy.

This is why I get in trouble talking about sex with guys...sigh...i can't help it...especially if I am attracted to him...and if some find that off putting screw you..I guess someone would appreciate it.


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## Guldove (Oct 17, 2012)

Barette said:


> Eh, very rarely. Honestly I can't tell you the last time I saw a guy and was attracted purely by what I saw.


+.

I've had sex and still feel this way, more so actually.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've seen girls that I've thought were cute but want to have sex with it's been a while. Even though I'm a virgin it's been years since I've seen a girl that wanted to have sex with. Well since I knew that I would have a chance with.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I'm easily attracted to people physically, but can be turned off kinda fast by certain personality traits and beliefs.


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## Josefz27 (Oct 26, 2012)

not one bit (at first), but if we exchange a few words, the attraction could go away or even start from nothing.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

I'm the opposite. I find a lot of people incredibly attractive. In fact there have been times where I was made a fun of by my friend because I said that I found someone really cute. But all I got in reply was what the hell is wrong with you.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Sometimes.
> When I'm depressed I'm not attracted to any women at all. But that is usually caused by my sex drive being killed by my depression.


If I'm really depressed or anxious, I won't even be drawn to attractive women. I have to be in a really good state to even consider approaching a girl. What's the point of fantasizing if I can't actually take action?


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Barette said:


> I think my self image issues have a large part to do with it, because sometimes I consciously feel myself trying to suppress any attraction thinking "it's ridiculous that you're attracted to him because he'd never want you" and the rare times I do feel okay about myself, I find myself attracted really easily.


^ This.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

It's fairly difficult for me. And on top of that, the few guys I do end up being attracted to end up being total ******s and nothing decent or fit for a potential s.o.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Are there ever any exceptions for super attractive dudes?
> 
> Like Greek god looking guys, that may not be the most intellectually stimulating, but their bodies are just so amazing that you can't help but be sexually attracted?
> 
> I think it works that way for me, when I'm attracted to a chick that I don't particularly connect with.


Personality all the way, caveat celebrities then I'll admit I'm usually in love with their characters OR the public image they potray (you know the geeky ones that act in the sci fi shows and profess to actually like the genre they perform in? yeah... those ones... nerdy-dorkiness is a highly attractive quality when combined with humour!).


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Are there ever any exceptions for super attractive dudes?
> 
> Like Greek god looking guys, that may not be the most intellectually stimulating, but their bodies are just so amazing that you can't help but be sexually attracted?


Nope. For example, Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith - his downfall makes him look incredibly hot. If he had remained on the side of the Jedi without succumbing to his anger, I would not have been nearly as attracted to him.

Maybe not the best example to use... but still. Another example: Channing Tatum's persona is half of his attractiveness.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I'm attracted to probably 50%+ of the women I see in everyday life, I'd say.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Same. I did not knew what is this circus around a male body, they are so hot and ... Really? :sus I never saw why.. I am 35 now and those times I had some interest to a male body are.. twice in my life I guess, lol... And other one was on tv ... I never wanted sex so I guess I never found physical attraction.

But you can find it some day, it just might take some time and experiences, don't worry.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

I see attractive men all the time, and I think they're really hot, but I'm just can't get into them. Maybe it's because I know they would never find me attractive? I'm not their type and they're not mine anyway? The last time I really liked a boy/man, was when I knew he liked me too. I was too shy though, I couldn't bring myself to get close to him. I guess I am a disaster when it comes to romance.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Some of the female responses are depressing.


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## ShouNagatsuki (Oct 20, 2012)

Yes, it's quite difficult... A few months ago I was attracted to a couple of cosplayers. Then I realized I was attracted to the anime characters they're playing as, not to the person who they were. OTL.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Some of the female responses are depressing.


Which ones?


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

I haven't really thought about this much. I see physically attractive women all the time, often thinking to myself "She's really cute" or such, yet I don't think I really get sexually attracted until I have some sort of personal contact with them. I'd have to say getting to know them a little counts for a lot of attraction in my case.

I do remember being sexually attracted on sight once, though. That girl had the most amazing *** I've ever seen. It was mesmerizing.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

It's not hard for me to be attracted to someone. If a girl has a warm personality and she doesn't possibly have a boyfriend, usually that's all it takes. Me being attracted to someone isn't hard, it's connecting with them that is. The few times in the past when a girl has shown interest in me, I do this fallacious thing in which I basically shoot myself in the foot. And I find reasons why I don't deserve that attention and I just get all quiet and awkward and that usually scares them off.

Recently I've had a crush on this girl at work, my bro told me he thinks she's chubby but I'd describe her as voluptuous. Well I finally muscled up the courage to start chatting with her, nothing long really, just small casual talk. Day by day I'd find out something new and I'd constantly place her upon a pedestal in my mind. :sigh

Eventually I asked her what she did on Halloween, and if she had fun. Cause I was stuck working, and I haven't seen her around lately. She told me she did and took the whole week off to go out partying. At that moment I felt sad cause she's obviously too much from a different world than me. I was expecting like one Halloween party, but the whole week? Not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but for me, my preference isn't someone that extroverted. Heck I never even drink. I've never been drunk my entire life. I just don't think I could keep up with that lifestyle. I know I shouldn't be picky, and I still find her good looking, I'm just not as attracted to her as I once was. I hope that doesn't make me too shallow.


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## Dissonant (Sep 22, 2012)

srschirm said:


> Some of the female responses are depressing.


I thought so at first too..but then I remembered that one of the main (statistical) differences between men and women is that for women, sexual attraction and desire is far more dampened by anxiety than it is for men -- for most women, security and relaxation are important prerequisites for sexual feelings. So it stands to reason that on a forum for people with social anxiety, many women would have more difficulty with this than the average woman might. Just my 2 cents.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

On the physical aspect, I'm with srs... I'd give the nod to 40-50% of women around my age (18-30).

Beyond the physical, it's incredibly rare for me to come across one I care to get to know -- even disregarding the likelihood that they're not interested either. I guess I just get annoyed by some of the personality traits that are fairly common in women, unfortunately.

It's been like 4 or 5 years since I had a real, sustained "crush." This is a good thing, though, since they're hopeless and a source of depression for someone like me.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

srschirm said:


> I'm attracted to probably 50%+ of the women I see in everyday life, I'd say.


For it's probably around 20%. Which is still fairly high I think. People on here have some ridiculous standards and expectations. Have you read some of the post what you want in a guy/girl threads?


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

i can have no significant response from a beautiful woman. if i talk to her and tell her something and she forgets i loose interest.

other times my standards have risen beyond what i see of the person. either my physical standards have risen and they no longer turn me on (refinement)

or

their personality is showing something that turns me off. (like if she forgets something important about me), my attraction drops and i mean DROPS. i may be physically attracted to her but to me i see someone who i cant trust to build a relationship.
im looking for a mate.

i would still consider her but the person stays insignificant in my life.

how am i supposed to put more than the bare minimum of effort into someone who doesn't even see their own flaws!

it turns me way off and makes me feel insignificant and i loose major interest in her!

the thing in my experience is that women overestimate my level of interest WAY WAY TO HIGH. when all im doing is throwing them a string and not a rope. i already want to leave but i never do i just give them the string and hope they'll turn things around so i can throw them the rope. the thing is i never tell them as much as i should because they just get hurt or offended and defensive then i loose my interest and they think everything is ok. then they loose interest in me because i dont talk much or put effort into conversation when i lost interest a long time ago... and then they think i was the problem - ego.. for serious "man".


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

No, the problem is I usually have trouble getting women to be attracted to me.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Not that many guys do much for me, but there are certain types I am attracted to.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Yes. Not going to go on about why. I'll just say yes.


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## queenbanana (Sep 5, 2012)

Yes, so much that I think I may be asexual, if such a thing actually exists. 
I find many people attractive, both guys and girls and have felt the need to hug/protect them, maybe even kiss.. but it doesn't go past that. The few guys I have indeed kissed did nothing for me. I was just there wanting it to be all over. I even tried going a little further with one dude.. but again it just didn't work out. I just wasn't into it at all. So I really want to see how it goes with a girl but I'm way to shyyy to approach one. 
Seriously though, I've never been attracted to anyone so much as to want to actually start a relationship with them.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

im attracted to people fairly easily, like i gte more attracted to people as i get to know them... ive posted about ti before and i dint feel like going into alot of detail about it


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

I think I'm a lot more picky than I'm willing to admit. I feel like I'd be open to anyone but I just happen to find one small thing that bothers me over time.


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## Stephie (Nov 3, 2012)

I find myself being attracted to guys right off the bat, but the more I get to know about them, the less attracted I become.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

Yes, it is. It's very confusing because even if I think someone is very good looking, the idea of being sexually involved with them still grosses me out. There's only really been a few people I've been sexually attracted to in my life so far. It's like the stars have to align a certain way for it to happen. It depends heavily on their personality.


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

I'm like that too. No matter if a guy is the hottest looking guy in the world i'm not attracted to him unless his personality is my type. And the other way around, if he is ugly, fat and smelly but has the personality that i like i would go crazy on him.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

It's definitely a lot harder than it used to be. So many seemingly extraneous factors and otherwise stand in the way of mutual attraction it seems, and honestly I don't know if it's ever possible for me to feel the same way as I have done in the past ever again.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Not me!


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