# Would you date someone who cuts?



## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Good question! Sure, if you love somebody enough, you'll be with them regardless. But it would be awkward when somebody asks.."how did you gf/bf get those cuts? Does she/he self mutilate?"

But yea, i would. Only if she got help or found a healthier way to cope.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

If I love them then I would, but they better get help for that!


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

Been there, done that.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

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## MrGilligan (Apr 29, 2012)

There are so many of these polls floating around about "would you date a person who does _____" or "a person who is______"

My vote is yes on all of them, but also no. If I love that person, I'd date them. If I don't, I wouldn't. If I was in love with someone who cuts themself, I would encourage them to stop and help them deal with it. 

I'd prefer not to date someone who cuts, but if that person is someone I have really grown to love and then I find out they've been doing that, I wouldn't just abandon them. I'd try to help them work through it.

(Again though - I don't really think I'm into dating, so realistically, I probably wouldn't date anyone. If this cutter is a nice guy or girl and doesn't ever want sex though, they'd be better than most people compatibility-wise.)


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I absolutely would, but I would also be concerned for her and want to help her. I used to have a friend who actually stopped cutting before she met me, but she had other issues.


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

KelsKels said:


> Yeah that makes sense, no one would want the negative attention that comes along with cutting.
> 
> Hm.. Im thinking the responses Im going to get will be pretty skewed since this is a site for people with a mental disorder. *Most users seem to be pretty accepting. Which is a great thing lol, just saying.*


Haha pretty accepting? Well some of us are. But yea, you might get biased answers on this board.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It's not that I would think negatively of it, but that I would worry that she would really hurt herself. If I care about someone, I don't want them to hurt themselves.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

The biggest issue I've had with an ex-cutter is that she has so many scars she is very timid and afraid to show her skin, embarrassed and ashamed by the self-harm.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Seriously i may not not i just cant tell..it depends if he is someone very cute n lively then i may..

but most of all my answer would be no..

I hve so much negativity in me ..cant take more form others


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## applesauce5482 (Apr 26, 2012)

Yup I would but as long as they are working towards getting better.


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

Yes. While I don't really understand the appeal of self harm over the slightest thing, I have done it a few times when I'm at my wit's end. Been lucky enough to not have scars from every single time, but I do have a few small ones and it can be embarrassing to even think about sometimes. I wouldn't push someone away because of it, but I would like to see them change and do my best to make that happen. It can be hard when you don't understand it well though. I still don't completely understand it and I don't think I ever will.


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## Petrovsk Mizinski (Nov 29, 2011)

Ex cutter, sure, as long as they show they're getting their head space together and staying away from it.
I've dated two girls really into self harm. Also was fairly good friends with a girl into self harm. All 3 of them had that emo/punk look going on, surprise surprise.
Easier to just not deal with that **** in the first place. Was just extra stress and worry in my own life I didn't need.


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## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

I have a few thoughts about this.
My first one is that I'm an adult woman -- it seems like a younger crowd does those type of things, I could be wrong. 
My other thoughts are that I don't want to baby sit, I want a relationship -- I'm thinking someone like that is emotionally unstable or has too many issues to be in a relationship to begin with - so it's not for me.
My last thought would be, but is far fetched -- if I were with someone and one day
they began cutting -- then I would get them professional help, but I don't go out
with people with such tendencies. It would make me question a lot of things about them
and who I thought they were.
...and certainly no offense toward anyone who cuts, I don't mean to offend in any way.


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## Jinxx (May 10, 2011)

_No. I'd date an ex cutter._

I'm in a relationship currently with a guy who has never cut but this is from a perspective if I was single. I dated a guy before him that would cut just about everyday & I'm sorry for saying this but he just brought too much misery & woe upon me. I don't want to date someone that I'm gonna constantly worry & be miserable about. Matter of fact... If someone cuts, I think before committing into a relationship with someone else, they need to commit to their-selves by getting help. I use to cut here & there from the age of 13 to 15 but then I realized it only made things worse in the long-run so I stopped.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Toppington said:


> Yes. While I don't really understand the appeal of self harm over the slightest thing, I have done it a few times when I'm at my wit's end. Been lucky enough to not have scars from every single time, but I do have a few small ones and it can be embarrassing to even think about sometimes. I wouldn't push someone away because of it, but I would like to see them change and do my best to make that happen. It can be hard when you don't understand it well though. I still don't completely understand it and I don't think I ever will.


Yeah I was the same way. I think I only did it a total of 3 times. I only have one scar and its very faint so its no big deal. I dont mean to sound rude, but if youve done it before, how do you not understand it? I hope I dont sound mean.. it just confused me.



RiversEdge said:


> I have a few thoughts about this.
> My first one is that I'm an adult woman -- it seems like a younger crowd does those type of things, I could be wrong.
> My other thoughts are that I don't want to baby sit, I want a relationship -- I'm thinking someone like that is emotionally unstable or has too many issues to be in a relationship to begin with - so it's not for me.
> My last thought would be, but is far fetched -- if I were with someone and one day
> ...


I dont think thats offensive at all. I was hoping someone would give me reasons against dating a cutter, and all your observations make sense. I dont completely agree with you saying youd need to babysit the person though, because a lot of times cutters dont do it to kill themselves. But I totally understand why it would turn you off. Thank you for giving your opinion


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## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

You're welcome 
I said 'babysitting' because I'm over 35 and I
don't want to be going through worrying over
someone cutting/hurting themselves -- I
want someone who can handle life in a 
different way.
Babysitting was the wrong term.


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

KelsKels said:


> Yeah I was the same way. I think I only did it a total of 3 times. I only have one scar and its very faint so its no big deal. I dont mean to sound rude, but if youve done it before, how do you not understand it? I hope I dont sound mean.. it just confused me.


I don't understand how someone can do it every single time they feel any emotional pain whatsoever is what I meant. When I've done it, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I felt nothing but despair and heard it gave some relief when you had nothing left to turn to. You were focused primarily on the physical pain rather than the emotional pain and that caused you to divert your attention from what you were so broken over for a while. That's how I understand it. What I don't understand is how someone can do it over the slightest thing. I should have been more clear. Sorry.


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## Watercoulour (Jul 24, 2011)

It depends on why. I've known people who would cut just because it was what other kids did (when I was in middle school, emo/goth/scene kids were rampant). Other people, I understand, have troubles they escape from cutting. I would be uneasy with it, because I'm afraid if it gets potentially worse, he could do a lot more damage to himself. Also, I'm afraid he'll be too consumed in his troubles to actually make the relationship work, that would be a huge obstacle no matter how much we try to ignore it.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

RiversEdge said:


> You're welcome
> I said 'babysitting' because I'm over 35 and I
> don't want to be going through worrying over
> someone cutting/hurting themselves -- I
> ...


Oh okay, thank you for explaining 



Toppington said:


> I don't understand how someone can do it every single time they feel any emotional pain whatsoever is what I meant. When I've done it, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I felt nothing but despair and heard it gave some relief when you had nothing left to turn to. You were focused primarily on the physical pain rather than the emotional pain and that caused you to divert your attention from what you were so broken over for a while. That's how I understand it. What I don't understand is how someone can do it over the slightest thing. I should have been more clear. Sorry.


Oh okay, I got it. Lol. I guess people who cut over anything are just really sensitive, and get addicted to the feeling of pain taking away all their worry/sadness even if it is really small. I mean Im just guessing. But anyways, no need to apologize  thanks for the reply.


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## Nogy (Feb 13, 2011)

It would probably depend on how serious of a problem it was for them. If they only did it pretty rarely, then i think i could handle that. If it was something they did on a regular basis everytime they got upset, then i don't think i could handle it. I'm probably being a hypocrite though...i have 2 very obvious scars on my forearm from selfcuts that required stitches. I've only done it once though, and my mind wasn't there (BAC of .21 and 12mg of xanax messes your head up a bit lol). It was more of a suicidal thing than self harm


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Wouldn't be fair if I didn't let him, rather hypocritical.


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

Yes, but Id be very concerned about the person. I would do my all to make this person to stop the cutting.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Yes but I'd be concerned about it. I'd ask them to consider forms of pain relief if you get my drift


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

Yes. It'd make me worry, but it wouldn't be enough to put me off dating someone.


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## prow (May 8, 2010)

Why ask such a question? I find this extremley upsetting.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I don't think I could. It seems like a pretty serious issue, and it's too far beyond my ability to help. I wouldn't mind having a girl with issues, but a serious one like this would be too much for me to handle as someone who already has trouble communicating. I said I would date an ex-cutter though. Also, if she started cutting only after getting in a relationship with me, then I would do my best to help and stay with her. But it's unlikely that I would start dating someone knowing that she is cutting.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Other. If I was already in a relationship with that person, THEN they start cutting, I wouldn't break up with them. I'd try to help, find the source of the problem, or reccommend therapy....but I definetely wouldn't just let them keep cutting. 

In another case, if I know beforehand that the person is a cutter, I would NOT date them. First of all, I don't want to be their personal therapist, becuase I, as a regular old kid, don't know how to treat this kind of illness. I'm no psychologist. I could lead them into actual suicide by accident. Dating someone I know already cuts is like playing with fire. I wouldn't want to deal with it, and frankly, it's better they get real treatment from a proffessional.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

It would most likely mean that they are suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, and unless they are getting treatment for that then hell no.


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## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

No. If someone is so emotionally unstable to the point that they're cutting themselves why would I want to or think they could handle a relationship?


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## missingno (Sep 29, 2011)

Yes is the majority here.


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## Tentative (Dec 27, 2011)

No, but I'd date an ex-cutter.


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

Brad5 said:


> No. If someone is so emotionally unstable to the point that they're cutting themselves why would I want to or think they could handle a relationship?


I'm kind of surprised it took this long to get this response. Then again, maybe not that surprised.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Brad5 said:


> No. If someone is so emotionally unstable to the point that they're cutting themselves why would I want to or think they could handle a relationship?


Totally agree.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

i didnt even know people cut themselves until my ex. i would noticed she would have cuts all over her [arms, legs, and even on her breast  around her u know..]

when we met, i remember i asked her once about the cuts on her arms and she told me her dog had scratch her :sus. found out she was a cutter one day that i showed up unannounced to her place, caught her in the act.

i dont think i would want to be in a relationship with someone that cut them self because after i found out about my ex alot of time was spent on trying to figure out why she cut her self and how to prevent it from happening, it got really exhausting


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Probably not. But I might if I can help her stop.

I'm actually scared of these things; cuts, blood, scars, wounds. I'm a guy but I get grossed out easily.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

sure i would. different people have all sorts of different **** going on. as long as the relationship could be semi-healthy then its okay. i wouldn't discount anyone based on them self harming. maybe it is linked to things that will cause problems in a relationship, maybe not. but in a relationship you deal with problems as they come up. there will always be problems.

loving someone only if you can help them change seems somewhat codependent to me. i think its better to recognize that some people have problems, and if they want help to work on them then thats fine. some people have problems that can't be fixed, some people don't want to fix their problems or are too afraid to. you need to accept people as they are if you're gonna have a healthy relationship.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Brad5 said:


> No. If someone is so emotionally unstable to the point that they're cutting themselves why would I want to or think they could handle a relationship?


If they cut themselves while you are dating, then what happens when you break up? :|


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

Yeah I would. I understand the pain associated with the action, and I'd try to help them better deal with that pain. I don't understand the anti-cutter crowd :blank


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

YES!!! and I know how to stop u doing this to ur -self!! :X


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## JAkDy (Jan 23, 2011)

Yes. I would though do all I can to support them with stopping, not cause I have a problem with it but cause it's a mental illness which obviously means a very very hard task of recovering from.

I've often thought I may get along better with someone who knows 1st hand what mental illness is like. You don't find a whole lot of them in medicine.


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## Meli24R (Dec 9, 2008)

Honestly, I think it would depend on how much the person cuts and how serious their mental issues are. I used to do it (although not that often) 
I just don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to be someone who does it all the time or someone who is severely mentally ill. I know that it would cause me a lot of anxiety. I already live someone who is severely mentally ill and it is so draining.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Yes, probably.

I've been a cutter myself (although it was pretty infrequent, I prefer food now as a dissociation method, unfortunately...) but I haven't done it in a long time.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I would be cautious, I would want to be careful about getting into a relationship with someone who had issues which led to them cutting and self harming in general since it would be very stressful to deal with (and I have been in a relationship with someone who did this so I do have some experience with it and how it can affect things) and I wouldn't feel they are in an emotional state fit for a relationship either. If however they were working hard, seeking help and generally had a positive outlook then sure, that would be a very desirable trait in someone I think.


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## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

arnie said:


> If they cut themselves while you are dating, then what happens when you break up? :|


I'd encourage them to get help if I was dating them. If they were unable to do that I would probably end the relationship.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

My boyfriend has cut himself before, even did it the other day as well so it doesn't really faze me, I've also done it before myself of course. It is rather concerning I suppose, but since I know the reasons behind it... well, it makes it easier to understand why he does it sometimes I guess.


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## Fry3thousand (Mar 5, 2012)

I voted "_Yes, but Id be very concerned about the person", because I love people with problems._


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

If those cuts derived from wrestling a tribeland bear, then yes.


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## Openyoureyes (Jun 13, 2012)

I used to cut too. I'd date anyone who I love, even a cutter or an ex cutter. I'd understand them, and try to help them as I can relate. Sad stuff.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Yes, my longest lasting relationship was with a cutter and she eventually stopped. I honestly don't see cutting as a big enough issue to ignore a great relationship BUT she'd have to stop sooner than later.


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## HighHeels (May 27, 2012)

Yeah. I have.


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## matmad94 (Jun 8, 2012)

yes and have.


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