# RESOURCE: Some CBT Basics



## yeah_yeah_yeah

_If there are people out there that want to start CBT, but cannot find the resources or you just don't know where to start, I thought I would post some info that will give a primer on the most powerful part of the therapy - The Mood Diary. This is a tool to be used after you have had a bad experience or mood swing, and hopefully you will find that it significantly decreases your negative mood, acting like an 'emotional brake'_ Use your emotions as an indicator that you may need to use a mood diary.

I have attached a *mood diary master*, with *comments added *to help you to fill in the columns (put Word into Print Layout and you should see them. Click on the individual comment box to see which column it relates to - a little line will pop up). I have literally just used one to get me out of a really low mood, and it reminded me just how useful they are.

However in order to get the most out of the sheets, you need to understand a bit about CBT theory. I will try to post the absolute basics, but theres a lot to learn. Go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy for more info, and expore the links too. I have also started looking into this website, which is an online CBT resource. I've only just seen it, but it may put forward a much more comprehensive overview and set of exercises than I can possibly put in my posts. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/. Give it a try and good luck.

Simply put - *your thoughts cause your emotions.* By changing your thoughts about a given situation, you can alter the way you feel.

CBT is a *very big* subject, and I hope that you will not think I am attempting to simplify it into one post. There is much more to learn and do (particularly in the field of exposure) than I can put here - though I hope that with the information I'm putting up, you may be able to experience the effectiveness of using a mood diary. *I am really posting this so you can get a taste of what CBT is about, and I hope that you will use it as a springboard to do your own research into the therapy.*. The more you know about the psychology of Social Anxiety, the more ammunition you have to chuck at it in the Evidence Against and Alternative / Balanced Thought columns. Check out some of my older posts on the psychology of SA.

Firstly, lets look at the thinking errors - or the CBT standardised ways that we screw ourselves up with our thinking.

*The Thinking Errors*

Researchers found that depressive and anxious thinking stems from a quite rigid series of 'thinking mistakes' - erroneous ways and assumptions / demands we make of the world:



> • Catastrophic Thinking. The individual magnifies the impact of negative experiences to extreme proportions.
> • Hopelessness. The individual assumes that nothing will ever work out, and that things will always go
> wrong.
> • Over-Generalization. Something goes wrong in one situation, and the individual applies it to all situations.
> • Black-and-White Thinking. The individual sees things as "all-or-nothing;" things are either one way or the other.
> • Oughts, Shoulds, and Musts. The individual feels life ought to be a certain way, or he should do something, or things must go the way he wants them to.
> • Negative Predictions/Fortune Telling. The individual predicts failure in situations yet to happen because things have gone wrong before.
> • Projection. The individual makes negative assumptions about the thoughts, intentions, or motives of another person, which are often "projections" of his own thoughts and feelings about the situation.
> • Mind Reading. The individual feels that others should know how he feel or what he wants even though he doesn't tell them.
> • Labeling. The individual labels himself or someone else negatively, way, which shapes the way he sees himself or that other person, often for simplistic reasons.
> • Personalization. The individual treats a negative event as a personal reflection or confirmation of his own worthlessness.
> • Negative Focus. The individual focuses mainly on negative events, memories, or implications while ignoring more neutral or positive information about himself or a situation.
> • Avoidance. The individual avoids thinking about emotionally difficult subjects because they feel overwhelming or insurmountable.
> • Emotional Misreasoning. The individual draws an irrational and incorrect conclusion based on the way he feels at that moment.


As a starting point, when you fill in column 'B' of the sheet, try to spot these thinking errors in your automatic thoughts. If you put "Everyone thought I was an idiot - they were all laughing at me" in column B, then that would be _Overgeneralisation, Labelling, Mind Reading, Emotional Misreasoning (your feeling in the moment made you think this), projection_. Next, fill in how you are feeling or felt at the time, as per the comments.

Then you can look at the evidence for and evidence against columns. Use the comments to give you an idea on what to put here.

Finally, use the for and against columns to construct a rational alternative to your initial Negative Thoughts. Rate your new mood and see if it has changed. If it hasn't, then more work needs to be done to unearth the rational alternatives. Sometimes this can be hard, especially if you have been used to a depressive or anxious way of thinking for a long time. Generally, saying something like "well they are all just idiots so I don't care about them" will NOT be helpful - if you don't truly believe the alternative, it will not help.

A good alternative might contain some of the following: "I am overgeneralising and mind reading. I cannot be certain that EVERYONE was laughing. I am a human being and as such am MEANT to make mistakes - I am magnifying my errors. One mistake does not mean I am unlovable and everyone hates me - that is all-or-nothing thinking. I felt bad in the moment, but my feelings do not necessarily mean that my worst nightmare has come true. Can i think of a time when I have laughed at someone but not actually hated them, or wanted to utterly reject them? Can i think of a time when I laughed at someone, but had forgotten about it within a few minutes? Maybe thats how the people there really felt. This one event does not automatically mean that EVERYTHING is ruined"

*If you get stuck, at this point I would try posting a summary of your CBT sheet on SAS - there are many people here doing CBT who I'm sure will be able to offer ideas for your rational alternatives, myself included.* Believing your new thoughts is the most important part of the approach. Belief can come from a well-worded alternative, or via going back into the world and 'testing' to see if an alternative belief is true. _Behave like a scientist - treat your automatic thoughts as hypotheses, and then test them to see if they really are true. Its powerful and a lot more fun than a physics class ..._

I will try to put up a post that moves on to Core Beliefs, which is the next stage on from Automatic Thoughts.

Ross


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## AskJeeves

WOW thank you so much yeah_yeah_yeah!

*downloads*


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## R4ph4el

Thanks man, I have been waiting for someone to explain it all so clearly, you're a life-saver! *downloading*

*edit*
I'm a bit stuck now, where do the "thinking errors" come in? Or do you just have to do that in mind?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

*re: Some CBT Basics*

Its a bit buried in the text above, but you want to use the thinking errors to see the faults in your "automatic thoughts" - column B.

For example, if you put "Everyone saw my hands shaking" in column B, that would be Mind reading, Overgeneralisation, Catastrophic thinking.

You can use this new insight into your automatic thoughts to then look for evidence, and combine it with the directions in the comment boxes. For example in evidence Against - you might put: "I don't know for sure that everyone was looking at my hands. I wasn't making eye contact so I don't know for sure. I am mind reading. My hands may not have been shaking as much as I thought - I may be catastrophizing the degree to which the shake was visible".

In answering the questions in the comment boxes, you may see further examples of distorted thinking and hopefully steer you towards the rational alternatives. The comment box questions can also be used standalone. Takes a bit of practice ... if you're getting stuck post em up here (if they aren't too personal).

Ross


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## CarlM

Good post, thanks Ross.

A good idea would be too put a example thought for each "Thought error" so that we know what is meant which each one.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

*re: Some CBT Basics*

• Catastrophic Thinking. The individual magnifies the impact of negative experiences to extreme proportions.

_If you feel that one social encounter went badly (which may or may not be true) then you subconsciously feel that you will be rejected by everyone, and that that one bad encounter will somehow grow and extend like a multi-headed monster._

• Hopelessness. The individual assumes that nothing will ever work out, and that things will always go wrong.

_"I knew he would not text me back. There's no point trying to be friends with anyone - my relationships always fail."_

• Over-Generalization. Something goes wrong in one situation, and the individual applies it to all situations.

_"She seemed uncomfortable around me - everyone acts that way around me - its never ending."_

• Black-and-White Thinking. The individual sees things as "all-or-nothing;" things are either one way or the other.

_"I've failed my exam - I am going to flunk out of uni and never get a job."
"She doesn;t want to date me - no woman is ever going to want me"_

• Oughts, Shoulds, and Musts. The individual feels life ought to be a certain way, or he should do something, or things must go the way he wants them to.

_"I should have known what to say to him"_ (Why? You didn't, so why should you? You are making a demand of the world that was not fulfilled and that can only lead to unhappiness)
_"They ought to be kinder to shy people - they don't realise how hurtful they are"_ (There are mean people in the world who have no conception fo how they make people feel. They lack empathy. These people will always be around. Does this mean you need to suffer just because they targeted you?)

• Negative Predictions/Fortune Telling. The individual predicts failure in situations yet to happen because things have gone wrong before.

_"If I try to speak, I will just get nervous and people will laugh"_

• Projection. The individual makes negative assumptions about the thoughts, intentions, or motives of another person, which are often "projections" of his own thoughts and feelings about the situation.

_"My hand was shaking. The clerk saw it and thought I was weak and pathetic. When I go back she will remember and not want to serve me"_

• Mind Reading. The individual feels that others should know how he feel or what he wants even though he doesn't tell them.

Nuff said.

• Labeling. The individual labels himself or someone else negatively, way, which shapes the way he sees himself or that other person, often for simplistic reasons.

_"I couldn't make conversation. I am a total jerk, a loser"_ Dies one skill in your life make you entirely worthless? Why? Do you know anyoe else who isn;t a great conversationalist but you still like or admire?

• Personalization. The individual treats a negative event as a personal reflection or confirmation of his own worthlessness.

_"People seem unhappy today. Ever since I turned up the mood has gone sour. I should just leave"_

• Negative Focus. The individual focuses mainly on negative events, memories, or implications while ignoring more neutral or positive information about himself or a situation.

Self explanatory. Though may also become a "mental filter" where, because of one negative event, we see only the bad in everything. "Those guys were so rude. Everywhere I look people are just mean to each other"

• Avoidance. The individual avoids thinking about emotionally difficult subjects because they feel overwhelming or insurmountable.

Self explanatory

• Emotional Misreasoning. The individual draws an irrational and incorrect conclusion based on the way he feels at that moment.

_You feel bad or anxious in the moment and it colours the experience of things around you. Positive or neutral events seem negative. because you are anxious you conclude that everyone sees you as anxious, or that they perceive your nervousness as being highly negative when in fact they may see it as a very human trait._

Remember - as a human being you should, must and ought to make mistakes, because that is how we are made. We must make mistakes because then we learn - and your worth as a human being is not based on whether you perform well or badly in any one thing. _This is the only time you are allowed to use the 'should; statement and get away with it!_

There's a fair bit of cross over in a lot of these thoughts, but you can see that they revolve around very biased thinking, as opposed to a balanced, more scientific view of the world around us. Note that when you first start questioning your thoughts, you may be so used to them that its impossible to see any other way of viewing them. Perservere and move through the exercise - little by little you can crack away at those negative thoughts.

Ross


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## MoonBear777

Hey yeahyeahyeah,

I appreciate that you took the time to post CBT info. I will copy it and print it up. It's very helpful to me and I'm sure it will help others on here.

Just from reading what you posted, I realize that my biggest weaknesses are personalizing, avoidance, projection, and mind-reading. I've done all of them, and to a greater extent than I'd like to admit. In fact, my biggest issue is PARANOIA, which I believe is just a culmination of all those components you listed. It is a relief to read about these types of maladaptive coping mechanisms and see it for what it is. I was so exhausted trying to figure out why I think so crazy sometimes and not having the proper terminology to label it. Now, I can work on these misconceptions piece by piece. 

I also read a book called Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. I recall he brought up a daily workbook as well, encouraging the reader to jot down any significant mood change throughout the day, to analyze it, and to determine whether it was rational or not. I realize that you DO have to practice this consistently to create some lasting changes to the way you think. It's a lot of work, but I suppose that's what I have to do. Think about it...years and years of thinking this way is NOT going to erase itself magically without a lot of work. I have an unused notebook in my room that I'll convert into my CBT journal, of some sort. Interestingly, I can think of AT LEAST a dozen thoughts that I've had today which could be a result of over-analyzing, projecting, internalizing, etc etc. 

Another thing that I need to do is set up some social interaction challenges for myself, and try to grade it so that I have a chance of success. I guess the other component of CBT is changing one's behaviour too, so that's definitely what I'm going to try and do. For me, I can converse with strangers quite well, but it's hard to talk with my coworkers whom I see on a daily basis. So, I have to find out how to take baby steps first before I feel more confident about socializing with my peers. 

If you have any information about the 'behavioural' part of CBT in relation to overcoming SA, would you please post it on here as well?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

*re: Some CBT Basics*

Really really glad its useful to you!

*Biofeedback*

Realising the amount of negative thoughts you have is the first step to beating it. I recommend the book you named to everyone - it is considered the 'bible' of CBT! In it, Burns recommends that for the first couple of weeks you actualy COUNT your negative thoughts as they pop up, and even recommends you buy yourself a little golf-type wrist counter to rack them up through the day.

It has the odd effect of actually STOPPING the negative thoughts (most of them) simply because you have called them to mind. At first you will get low numbers, then as you get better at spotting them, the number will increase. THEN, it will gradually start to drop! Its a simple biofeedback technique that can be surprisingly effective.

Once you have started to see your negative thoughts drop, you can start counting POSITIVE thoughts - with the aim of increasing them! Jot them down at the end of the day and keep a log of all the good ones (they are there, honest!)

*Read the book!*

If you have the Burns book, treat yourself to a packet of biscuits and sit down and read the whole thing through - when I did, I was amazed - it was like seeing my own mind written out in a book. Its primary angle is more depression than anxiety, though all of the exercises can be used for SA (as you have seen from the thinking errors above).

His other book, The Feeling Good Handbook, has a specific section on social phobia. The Mood Diary in there is the one I used to use a few years ago, until I started using the Greenberger and Padesky 7 column diary. *Using a journal *is a brilliant thing to do as you can look back through the mood logs easily when it comes to the beliefs work. This is covered in the Burns book. There are also more recent CBT books specifically written for SA, though I have not used them and cannot comment how good they are.

I found it helpful to construct computer versions of all the exercise logs (and there are many of them for all sorts of mood problems) so that I could just type into them, though there is something therapeutic about ACTUALLY WRITING them. Don;t try to do them in your head - this doesn't really work.

You are right, it is a lot of work - at first. But after a time it will become self-sustaining, and you will find the sheets quicker and easier to do. I found myself getting quite addicted to it - it provides so many ways of feeling good (cheesy line :lol )!

*The role of the therapist in exposure*

Using the exercises in the Burns book (particularly 'Pleasure Predicting' if you are lonely) will go a long way to improving your mood. I would also say - it has been shown that 'book therapy' alone can be very successful at relieving anxiety and depression - but bear in mind that having a therapist will be even more effective. If you have any kind of suicidal thoughts, or you do not feel you are making progress, then go see your doc as soon as you can for a referral.

On the exposure front, this is something that is hard to judge, as everyone's SA is slightly different. This is definitely where a therapist is most helpful. You are right - you need to start small and work up. If you have someone you can practice role plays with, this is brilliant as it is much lower risk. If you have very bad SA, a therapist would normally lead you through 'guided imagery' where you imagine the scary situation before role playing it, then moving you out into the real world. At the same time s/he will work with you on analysing automatic thoughts before and after. So as you can see, there are many ways to break up how rapidly you begin to expose yourself to your anxiety.

Good luck with the sheets and reading the book!

Ross


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## ardrum

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

Hey Ross, did you happen to make a template for the mood diary chart from the "When Panic Attacks" book? I can and will make my own if you didn't already make one, but I thought I'd take a shot in the dark and see if you already did it. If not, I'll make one and post it to SAS in another thread.


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## tomcoldaba

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

I created the Mood Log on an Excel spreadsheet and maintained for a month. I was really amazed at my improvement. How many times I was mind reading, over-generalizing, labelling was mind boggling. Now I maintain just my daily journal in an excel spreadsheet. The negative thoughts are written in red; the positive response is in green and the real outcome is in blue. Everytime I jump to conclusion, I search for the negative thoughts, the positive response and the actual outcome.

I bought the book Feeling Good handbook by Dr Burns after reading yeah_yeah posts.


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## Maslow

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

Great posts, Ross!


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## cicada

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

Awesome post! Everyone should read this!


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## tomcoldaba

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

This post helped my recovery. I used the mood log. As time went by, I felt less anxious so I used it less and less. But I faithfully worked on my exposure therapy. If there is no exposure, then success is limited. It requires a lot of work.

Thanks Ross


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

*Re: Some CBT Basics*

The thanks should go to yourself - for having the belief and perseverance to see it through. I hope that your experience encourages others to give it a try.

Thanks again

Ross


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## katie k

Thank you Ross for the mood diary master, it will definitely help to keep myself organized.
However, I think I need help with something even more basic. I have started CBT 8 weeks ago, and I don’t think I’m making any progress. And I’m pretty sure that it’s my only fault, as I haven’t got the courage to expose myself to my therapist.
He is aware of this, and we have talked about this problem, but I sincerely think there is nothing he can do…I just feel to embarrassed to tell him about specific situations, and further humiliate myself.
How do I get over this? Is it lack of commitment? I really want to get better.

Katie


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

Hello Katie!

Firstly hello, and welcome to the boards! You need one of these ... :wel

Secondly, glad to hear that you are doing things to help yourself to feel better! Its good you've started - but a bit pooh that you feel things arent going too well yet 

I can realte to what you are saying there. When I first started therapy, I could totally spill about some things, but not others. I felt scared and untrusting. Do you feel this way? Or is it a different feeling? Its ok to be feeling whatever you do right now - its ok to be who you are :kiss 

It took a long time to realise that it was these particular things that I NEEDED to spill so that I could pull them out and give them an airing - get all the muck and grubby bits cleaned off. Here's a couple of things that spring to mind: 

Is your therapist 'pure' CBT? Or do they mix a little? CBT needs a proper structure, so in this reply I am assuming that is what your T has in mind. Maybe ask to see what the plan for the future is - it will help you to see the mountains and see that they arent so far away 

1) a) If you have the mood diary master, fill it in honestly at home alone. If your T hasnt showed you how to do these yet, just go as far as the 'automatic thoughts' column. You might want to have a think about the evidence etc, but let your therapist take you down this route. Remember - a real therapist is better than some dude on the internet with a silly username oke Capture those automatic thoughts and don't edit yourself with an audience in mind. One of the aims of therapy is for you to see that its ok to have all these feelings. Believe me, I had some really dark ones - like visualising smashing peoples heads with a brick and kickin some azz :troll I was ashamed of them and thought it made me seem a psycho. But when I wrote them down, I thought "well, maybe it doesnt look so bad on paper - after all, I didnt DO it.

b) This is the brave bit. Go to therapy and just give your T the paper. A therapist really will have seen EVERYTHING - and it will strike you as a real relief when s/he just treats it as an everyday thing - which it is! Some peoples internal fantasies and thoughts can be amazingly explicit - but they are just that - fantasies. If you are afraid that opening up will expose you to getting hurt, then go take a look at number 2!

2) Sit down with a two column diary. Use your A colum for the thoughts that are holding you back from opening up. Then use your B column to challenge them! Here's some ideas:

A: 
-----------------------------------------------
a) If I open up, s.he will think I am weird or really crazy. 
b) S/he will give me a funny look and I will know that they think badly of me now. 
c) The whole thing will be ruined and I will not be able to go back.
d) I will have a panic attack in the office and s/he will think I;m odd, and get really uncomfortable.
e) I don't want to look at the past - it hurts too much when I do. I couldnt stand it.
f) It might make me even worse if I bring things up. I might lose it in the office.
g) My therapist may discuss me with others and laugh
h) I may open up and then realise the therapy is pointless. I will feel awful and be worse than ever.
i) Its pointless. I can never change

B:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Mind reading; Catastrophising - Until you do, you cannot know how they will react. It is their profession and skill to listen to people's inner most problems, and of they were scornful to patients they would not come back. They still practice so they must do something right! When I opened up to my therapist, he just responded like it was the most natural thing in the world. I felt validated and happy and we talked about it a little more. It felt great to get it out!

b) Fortune telling; Mind reading; Emotional Reasoning - again, you are predicting the future - and like the Titanic - it ends in disaster! The thing is this is one movie that hasnt been written yet  Past incidents may have taught you that this will happen - but these are from the past. Some lessons, especially if we were little when we learned them, can stay with us forever - until we test them out! Also, you FEEL that it would be terrible to let your feelings out, and this feeling convinces you that it will be. Feelings are not facts - they are based on past events that in all probability are no longer relveant. Are things you learned at 6 really meaningful now? Try to assess the probablity and REAL cost of the events happening. How likely , from 1 (impossible) - 100 (certain) is it that your therapist will be mean to you, or even think you are nuts - given that understanding and empathy is a core quality of any therapist to have?

c) Maybe you can guess this one? Catastrophising; Fortune telling; All or Nothing thinking, Overgeneralisation. Can you see why?

d) Fortune telling; Emotional Reasoning; Catastophising; Disqualifying the Positive - Isnt having an attack in the theraspists office the BEST place to have one? Its like cutting yourself badly in an ER ward - you're already where you need to be  So thats a good thing - and the therapist can see just how your panic process works - from this s/he can help you even more! They are a buddy, looking after you.

e) Fortune Telling; Emotional Reasoning; Disqualifying the Positive - A therapist will be skilled at helping you throiugh very bad memories. Most 'traditional CBT' for pure anxiety or depression will only take a very cursory history - though some more progressive CBT therapists now incorprate more 'past healing' into their practice. It feels very frightening - but it cannot hurt you. In fact, it is a tried and tested way of making you better  When the thoughts stay there, it is like having a bit of dirty glass stuck under the skin. It keeps moving around and spikes when when you least expect it, getting more and more infected. When you take it out and air it, its hurts as you pull at its sharp edges ... but once its out, you can start to clean the wound and it will begin to soothe. You can put a little band aid over it .. you may even feel like someone lifted a weight off you! :banana Then the CBT will kick in to catch all the behaviours that might be connected to this issue - and you can go about stripping away any of the infection that may have seeped into other areas of your life.

f) Fortune telling; Catastrophising. Ask your T if you can do the Albert Ellis "trying to make myself go nuts in the office" techniaque - where you actually try to go mad right then and there! You actually can't. You might have a good cry, but there will be lots of tissues and a friendly ear in the other end of it :hug If you become very distressed, therapists now just how to calm you. They are rather good like that :spit 

g) Fortune Telling; Mental Filter - you may feel thaqt other people are mean and untrustworthy. Based on this, its perfectly logical that you might suspect that your T might betray you ... But again - is this based on something you learned long ago but never plucked out to look at in the cold light of day? You may be applying a filter to the world where all you see is mistrust and betrayal. Take the broken sunglasses off for a bit and see if theres some sunlight in the world.

h) Fortune telling; Disqualiying the positive; mental filter; should statement - CBT is proven to be highly effective for fully participating individuals. If it can work for them, theres a very good chance that it will work for you too. You may be focusing on the small % of people it doesnt work for. Thats a bit like not wanting to enter a lottery that had a 3/4 chance of winning! 75% of people recover with CBT, with 25% untreated. With a 3/4 chance of hitting the jackpot - isnt it worth going full steam ahead? Depression can make us hyper-focus on that small negative portion and ignore the (much bigger) positive portion. Argue back with that crazy voice inside you that says 3/4 odds are no good - and never go to a race track with him :lol

i) All or nothing thinking; magnification; Disqualifing the positive; mental filter, Emotional Reasoning - You FEEL hopeless and so believe that you really are. You magnify the catastrophic nature of the failure you feel certain will befall you, and the only evidence you have is that you FEEL that way. Dont buy into the feeling and try out those alternatives. It can be LIBERATING to try something new and see what a positive outcome it can have! (Personal note: actually, its darned AMAZING ...).

3) If you cannot SAY things, put it in a document. Maybe even email it! Or write a script. But make sure you get all those little thorns on paper.

4) Do you LIKE your therapist and feel comfortable? This is very important, so it may be that your T is trying to build up that trust and thats why you're 8 weeks in and waiting! This is actually very good and professional of them as the relationship is important. You will also find that the more you open up, the closer you will begin to feel anyway.

Lastly, dont LABEL yourself! You are not 'weak', or 'uncommitted'. No one can be 100% ANYTHING - they may just behave this way occasionally. Human beings are like a river - contstantly changing and flowing, carving out new paths. There's some powerful reasons in there why you cant get the words out. Take em out and have a good look at those reasons. You may find you can hold them up, blow a raspberry at them and move on!

Okies well I have worn myself out  I hope some of that helps! Try doing your own 2 column diary in case mine didnt help you. Its good practice at picking out those automatic thoughts anyhoo.

Good luck and speak to you soon!

Ross


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## katie k

Hi! 
Thank you so much, for your great reply. 
I also think that the things I have greater difficulty in speaking about, are the most important ones. But they are also the most hurtful ones. I have always been really focused on looking perfect, confident and in control, with just about everybody, and I also try to make everyone like me. I do this in therapy, which, of course, doesn’t work.
I can ask about the plan to my therapist, but I think the first step is for me to stop sabotaging the therapy. I’m doing the exercises, just up to the “automatic thoughts”…but when something really bad happens it’s very hard for me to go back and re-live the situations. However I think I’m very honest with myself which I doubt that I would if I knew I was going to show the exercises to my therapist.
I’m going to try your second suggestion, and figure out what’s holding me back. I do like my therapist, and he does try to encourage me, but I don’t feel at ease with hardly anyone, so why would I with him? 
One good thing is that we can and have talked about this problem, so we are both aware of it. He also asked me what was holding me back, but again, I wasn’t very honest. :sigh 
So, I’ll be dedicating some of my “diary time” to this issue, and I’ll see how I get on.

Once again, thank you so much for your reply. It was really nice of you! :thanks

Katie


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

Option 2 is my favourite one too! If you can squelch out those reasons for holding back once and for all, then you can start to use the same method and ask the same questions about opening up to others in your personal life.

I have found that being honest about who I am, warts and all, has brought people closer to me than I have ever experienced. I realise people like me for who I am, even though they know about my depressive past. This makes me feel human and accepted and I no longer need to be special or exceptional to feel 'ok'. Its a brave thing to do and will be scary at first (just like everything in growing) but after the first one its not so hard! You will find that this honesty spreads to other areas of your life and will be able to be up-front about your opinions and feelings with others too. Everything will begin to click into place - and it starts with the leap of faith - taking the plunge!

A bit like skydiving, it's frightening for the first one, but once your feet touch the ground you can't wait to go back up again! _(Caveat: If you are going to reveal SA or depression to people, my recommendation is to do this only after you have known them for a while. Even though honesty is good, 'early' disclosure of very deep, big things can be off-putting. With new people, disclose little things, tidbits about you like being a chocolate addict or being scared of clowns.  )_

Ross


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## tomcoldaba

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> (Caveat: If you are going to reveal SA or depression to people, my recommendation is to do this only after you have known them for a while. Even though honesty is good, 'early' disclosure of very deep, big things can be off-putting. With new people, disclose little things, tidbits about you like being a chocolate addict or being scared of clowns.  )[/i]
> 
> Ross


 :ditto

Yeah, you dont want to stop every Tom, Dick or Harry and tell them about your SA. Please avoid Dick. :lol

If you know someone well, then disclose your SA. I told a couple of people at a meeting and one of them admitted that she suffered from panic disorder. By telling people you know well, it will set you free.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

*Re: Some CBT Basics*



tomcoldaba said:


> I created the Mood Log on an Excel spreadsheet and maintained for a month. I was really amazed at my improvement. How many times I was mind reading, over-generalizing, labelling was mind boggling. Now I maintain just my daily journal in an excel spreadsheet. The negative thoughts are written in red; the positive response is in green and the real outcome is in blue. Everytime I jump to conclusion, I search for the negative thoughts, the positive response and the actual outcome.
> 
> I bought the book Feeling Good handbook by Dr Burns after reading yeah_yeah posts.


Hi Tom! I never saw this post before - could you post an example of how you do this? I think it sounds awesome! Maybe a screenshot or attach an example form?

Thanks!!

Ross


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

tomcoldaba said:


> If you know someone well, then disclose your SA. I told a couple of people at a meeting and one of them admitted that she suffered from panic disorder. By telling people you know well, it will set you free.


This also is accumulating more relevance and truth by the day


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## ardrum

I've tried to tell a few people recently, but they all either changed the subject or said I was wrong. Oh, empathy, where are you? I don't think I surround myself with the most empathetic people though.

With that being said, I do think it's better to tell people and be openly honest than to feel that you must keep everything inside. Their reaction has nothing to do with the decision to tell them. While it would be nice to get an empathetic response, there are benefits that don't even regard their reaction--like simply letting something out for once rather than bottling it up.


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## tomcoldaba

ardrum said:


> I've tried to tell a few people recently, but they all either changed the subject or said I was wrong.


Maybe, they are afraid to reveal their secrets. Just maybe, they may have issues with anxiety or depression and are afraid to disclose their problems.



ardrum said:


> With that being said, I do think it's better to tell people and be openly honest than to feel that you must keep everything inside. Their reaction has nothing to do with the decision to tell them. While it would be nice to get an empathetic response, there are benefits that don't even regard their reaction--like simply letting something out for once rather than bottling it up.


When I say I have SA, I liberate myself. If I worry about what people think, then I have SA, right? Approval anxiety is another pillar of SA.

Yesterday at a toastmaster meeting, I was asked why I joined toastmasters. I told them to overcome my social anxiety, the physical symptoms etc. Some of them were uncomfortable because they gave a whitewash reasons of joining toastmasters. After the meeting, a woman asked me to explain SA. I told her my avoidance strategy; the fear I felt when I asked a question at a meeting or how I sweat when I speak up at a meeting. She laughed because she feels the same. She thought she was weird. She said she was going to get help.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

Thats awesome Tom - spreading the word! I think its great that you have the confidence and ease now to share this with people, especially as it is now helping others. You may have set up Toastmasters first Psychotherapy division 

Ross


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## yeah_yeah_yeah

ardrum said:


> I've tried to tell a few people recently, but they all either changed the subject or said I was wrong. Oh, empathy, where are you? I don't think I surround myself with the most empathetic people though.
> 
> With that being said, I do think it's better to tell people and be openly honest than to feel that you must keep everything inside. Their reaction has nothing to do with the decision to tell them. While it would be nice to get an empathetic response, there are benefits that don't even regard their reaction--like simply letting something out for once rather than bottling it up.


Hmm thats a shame. I guess who you choose to tell is a big part of it, and also how and when. I told a lot of folks via MSN and it seems to help as they dont have that "oh nooooo say something say something" response. They can think about it a little more. I have told about 15 of my buddies now and they are very good about it - maybe its your schema and your tendency to surround yourself with unexpressive people? Get hold of that female friend of yours and VENT! VENT I TELL YOU!! :lol


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## ardrum

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hmm thats a shame. I guess who you choose to tell is a big part of it, and also how and when. I told a lot of folks via MSN and it seems to help as they dont have that "oh nooooo say something say something" response. They can think about it a little more. I have told about 15 of my buddies now and they are very good about it - maybe its your schema and your tendency to surround yourself with unexpressive people?


Yeah, the internet would probably be a better vehicle for sharing such information with some people perhaps.



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Get hold of that female friend of yours and VENT! VENT I TELL YOU!! :lol


Haha, I don't want to "use her up" though too. I call her about once a week, and I ration myself to that (she calls me less often, maybe half as often). She likes my calling though, as she frequently reminds me of that.

She is incredibly helpful and generous though, even saying I could stay at her place for as long as I want if worse comes to worse. I wouldn't want to impose like that for many reasons, but it's impressive to see such open generosity.

I just don't want to unload too much on her though, as I think it could be unpleasant for her. So I try to balance my venting with a lot of humor and offering my thoughts on some of the situations she gets into.

(Note to self: I often write "think" or "thought" instead of "feel" or "felt.")


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## CopadoMexicano

Man a lot of this sounds like problems with a person who has a personality disorder: that the world is messed up and im not.


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## jk3456

this **** dasn't werk fer me.


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## donavan

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> _If there are people out there that want to start CBT, but cannot find the resources or you just don't know where to start, I thought I would post some info that will give a primer on the most powerful part of the therapy - The Mood Diary. This is a tool to be used after you have had a bad experience or mood swing, and hopefully you will find that it significantly decreases your negative mood, acting like an 'emotional brake'_ Use your emotions as an indicator that you may need to use a mood diary.
> 
> I have attached a *mood diary master*, with *comments added *to help you to fill in the columns (put Word into Print Layout and you should see them. Click on the individual comment box to see which column it relates to - a little line will pop up). I have literally just used one to get me out of a really low mood, and it reminded me just how useful they are.
> 
> However in order to get the most out of the sheets, you need to understand a bit about CBT theory. I will try to post the absolute basics, but theres a lot to learn. Go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy for more info, and expore the links too. I have also started looking into this website, which is an online CBT resource. I've only just seen it, but it may put forward a much more comprehensive overview and set of exercises than I can possibly put in my posts. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/. Give it a try and good luck.
> 
> Simply put - *your thoughts cause your emotions.* By changing your thoughts about a given situation, you can alter the way you feel.
> 
> CBT is a *very big* subject, and I hope that you will not think I am attempting to simplify it into one post. There is much more to learn and do (particularly in the field of exposure) than I can put here - though I hope that with the information I'm putting up, you may be able to experience the effectiveness of using a mood diary. *I am really posting this so you can get a taste of what CBT is about, and I hope that you will use it as a springboard to do your own research into the therapy.*. The more you know about the psychology of Social Anxiety, the more ammunition you have to chuck at it in the Evidence Against and Alternative / Balanced Thought columns. Check out some of my older posts on the psychology of SA.
> 
> Firstly, lets look at the thinking errors - or the CBT standardised ways that we screw ourselves up with our thinking.
> 
> *The Thinking Errors*
> 
> Researchers found that depressive and anxious thinking stems from a quite rigid series of 'thinking mistakes' - erroneous ways and assumptions / demands we make of the world:
> 
> As a starting point, when you fill in column 'B' of the sheet, try to spot these thinking errors in your automatic thoughts. If you put "Everyone thought I was an idiot - they were all laughing at me" in column B, then that would be _Overgeneralisation, Labelling, Mind Reading, Emotional Misreasoning (your feeling in the moment made you think this), projection_. Next, fill in how you are feeling or felt at the time, as per the comments.
> 
> Then you can look at the evidence for and evidence against columns. Use the comments to give you an idea on what to put here.
> 
> Finally, use the for and against columns to construct a rational alternative to your initial Negative Thoughts. Rate your new mood and see if it has changed. If it hasn't, then more work needs to be done to unearth the rational alternatives. Sometimes this can be hard, especially if you have been used to a depressive or anxious way of thinking for a long time. Generally, saying something like "well they are all just idiots so I don't care about them" will NOT be helpful - if you don't truly believe the alternative, it will not help.
> 
> A good alternative might contain some of the following: "I am overgeneralising and mind reading. I cannot be certain that EVERYONE was laughing. I am a human being and as such am MEANT to make mistakes - I am magnifying my errors. One mistake does not mean I am unlovable and everyone hates me - that is all-or-nothing thinking. I felt bad in the moment, but my feelings do not necessarily mean that my worst nightmare has come true. Can i think of a time when I have laughed at someone but not actually hated them, or wanted to utterly reject them? Can i think of a time when I laughed at someone, but had forgotten about it within a few minutes? Maybe thats how the people there really felt. This one event does not automatically mean that EVERYTHING is ruined"
> 
> *If you get stuck, at this point I would try posting a summary of your CBT sheet on SAS - there are many people here doing CBT who I'm sure will be able to offer ideas for your rational alternatives, myself included.* Believing your new thoughts is the most important part of the approach. Belief can come from a well-worded alternative, or via going back into the world and 'testing' to see if an alternative belief is true. _Behave like a scientist - treat your automatic thoughts as hypotheses, and then test them to see if they really are true. Its powerful and a lot more fun than a physics class ..._
> 
> I will try to put up a post that moves on to Core Beliefs, which is the next stage on from Automatic Thoughts.
> 
> Ross


thanks for that. i love cbt


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## KforB

Have you seen any wrist counters that aren't the golf-oriented ones? maybe one that is a little more discrete? I don't think I could go around wearing one of those without almost everyone asking me what is on my wrist.


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