# Forced to resign when I was the innocent party



## poorlittlefish (Oct 20, 2013)

Until last week I had a job as a manager. The organisation I was working for was very different to anywhere I'd worked before and it was nothing but constant stress and anxiety. I had to attend meeting after meeting and I absolutely dreaded them because I wouldn't be able to think of anything to say and if I did contribute, I'd get ignored only for someone else to then say exactly what I'd previously said and have everyone say it was a good idea! If I went to courses everyone would sit on other tables and at lunchtime I'd stand around by myself.

I'd had complaints from some of my team about a particular member of staff and so I had to have a quiet word with that person. I was very tactful, reasonable and diplomatic, having sought advice from HR first. I did everything by the book but their behaviour to me from that point onwards became very hostile and passive-aggressive - refusing to speak to me, sabotaging work, muttering under the breath etc. I found out this person was slagging me off to the rest of the team behind my back and while they continued to be nice to my face, it was clear they all turned on me as they stopped giving any help and never once asked if I was OK even when they witnessed what was going on. 

I notified HR and management but they did nothing. The final insult is that the worker I'd had to speak to after complaints from the others decided to "get me back" by complaining about me and what she said was an absolute pack of lies. I even had loads of written evidence to prove it, but no-one was interested in my side of the story and instead I got accused of being defensive. I was told that, as a complaint would be made about me, I'd have to be investigated and that I'd have to continue working with her while it went on. I'd had months of vindictive, spiteful behaviour and it was having such a bad effect on my mental health that I'd rather leave than put up with any more of it.

There were no offers to move me away from the situation or deal with the person's behaviour so I felt forced to resign. No-one tried to get me to change my mind, even despite all the excellent results and successful initiatives I'd been praised for. I feel so bitter and sad that no-one ever wants to believe me. I wonder if people lie and twist things so much themselves that they can't believe anyone else would be as honest as I am; I don't know. 

It is a relief to be away from such hostility and a company that had so many unrealistic expectations, but at the same time I've lost my income and feel very bitter that no-one cared about me or my side of the story. I e-mailed colleagues I thought were "friends" to let them know I'd left but hardly anyone replied. I tried my best to fit in and it was a monumental fail so I now feel very fearful about how I will cope if/when I get another job.


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

So sorry to hear about your story. But that being said don't give up on working because of this experience. Everything's a learning experience and this just didn't work out, but I'm sure you learned some valuable lessons about people along the way. Sounds like none of your co-workers had your back which sucked but it also shows their real character.

Do you have any close friends or family you could bounce this stuff off on? Try to look for the "real" people in your life to help start fresh and get back on track.


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## ilovechocolate (Sep 2, 2013)

Don't get discouraged. Try to appreciate the work experience that can help you in the future.

Be glad you won't be around all that negative energy =)


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## poorlittlefish (Oct 20, 2013)

Dan the man said:


> Do you have any close friends or family you could bounce this stuff off on? Try to look for the "real" people in your life to help start fresh and get back on track.


Sadly not. I moved from London to South Wales for that job and have absolutely no friends at all (unless you count an ex-colleague who calls me occasionally but has never given me her home number or address...). The only person who can be trusted in my family is my mother but she always thinks everything is my fault. I like my own company but there are times when it would be nice to vent to someone.


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## losteternal (Apr 1, 2013)

That sounds terrible, you poor thing, you've really been through it. I really hope things improve soon for you.


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

poorlittlefish said:


> Sadly not. I moved from London to South Wales for that job and have absolutely no friends at all (unless you count an ex-colleague who calls me occasionally but has never given me her home number or address...). The only person who can be trusted in my family is my mother but she always thinks everything is my fault. I like my own company but there are times when it would be nice to vent to someone.


I'm just sorry brother. Many times in my life I've just wanted to quit hell practically even die because I can relate to what your going through. BUT don't give up. I would try to join some groups or something where you can meet new people. I guess you won't know if their phony people too but you got keep trying. As I say a winner doesn't never fail but a winner doesn't quit.


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Sorry about how they treated you. Maybe the ones investigating were scared of the other person and scare of doing their own jobs wrong and it's just unfortunate you had to suffer. But overall they don't sound like a very good company. Try not to keep feeling too down about this. I know it's very hurtful, but try to move on and hopefully the next company you work for treat you with more respect. There are a lot of rubbish companies out there with useless employees, but there's also good ones, so keep trying to find one of the good ones. It'll be worth it when you find the right job with the right people. And also your job doesn't have to define you. You're a great person no matter what you do for work. Good luck with your next job


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## poorlittlefish (Oct 20, 2013)

jellybelly said:


> Maybe the ones investigating were scared of the other person and scare of doing their own jobs wrong and it's just unfortunate you had to suffer.


Thanks for that. I think you might be right about them being scared because the person is both gay and disabled, so potentially could have played either of those "cards" if any investigation was to be carried out about their conduct. I'm just the latest manager to be there one day and gone the next so clearly there are problems at that place. The experience has certainly been a learning experience.


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## paperheart (Apr 23, 2010)

*wow*

sorry to hear what you had to go through. Knowing that the place has a high turn over rate for your old position is extremely eye opening. the place just sounds awful and toxic. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's better that you're in not in that environment anymore. Let your colleagues find a new person to pick on and project their misery onto, esp. the disable/gay one..

meanwhile, agreeing with Dan, an outlet like a meetup group, friends back home would be good for you:hug


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

This is one of the reasons most HR departments are useless. Also once you have toxic bullies especially the passive-aggressive ones it is too late. I can understand why some people even on the first day on the job will always continue to job search because of figuring out the workplace dynamics. What can be unfortunate is when you were in a good work or even volunteer environment until the new hires after you ruin it for everyone. Imagine having management who will have her groupies and upper management do anything to exclude you i.e. find ways to get rid of other people. 
Also I can understand why some people hope those *******s nothing but bad things to happen to them. However, it is unfortunate that most people cannot stand-up to these bullies even when they are also know outside the company as nasty people. Also that you can just punch them in the face or just kill them outright as that is what they deserve for what they have done to others. Though it would be helpful if those who were/are miserable under management or coworkers would ban together and cause a stink at the workplace in front of customers and maybe get these horrible people and maybe HR who were aware of the problem fired.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

poorlittlefish said:


> Thanks for that. I think you might be right about them being scared because the person is both gay and disabled, so potentially could have played either of those "cards" if any investigation was to be carried out about their conduct. I'm just the latest manager to be there one day and gone the next so clearly there are problems at that place. The experience has certainly been a learning experience.


I'm not criticizing your decision, obviously it was the right choice for you to leave if it was having such a negative impact on your health. Did you present your side of the argument in your resignation letter?


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## poorlittlefish (Oct 20, 2013)

Oh yes, I wrote a VERY long letter after resigning, in which I proved my colleague's dishonesty by referencing emails etc that countered her false allegations. I sent the letter via email to HR, my manager and her manager so that everyone knew the truth about what I'd had to put up with. They asked to meet with me to go through it, which I did. However, while they praised me for everything I'd done to improve the service and said they wished they'd thought of alternatives to me resigning, they didn't give the impression that they were going to do anything to address the culprit's behaviour.


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## empireness (Mar 1, 2013)

That company is terrible. I hope your next one would be a good one with great people.

There will always be hateful and ugly people.


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