# Coworker pointed out that I'm quiet.



## pbjsamm

Today, I was minding my own business when some coworker said my name and then I said 'yeah?' and he goes 'you talk too much.' I paused before replying 'I know, ha ha' and that was it. It was a weird exchange and pointless, if you ask me. Why do people feel the need to point the finger at quiet people? There was a coworker at my last job who also remarked on my quietness. In situations such as these, I feel like saying 'Annnnd...??' How do they expect me to respond to such an inane remark? Being quiet is not some sort of obscure quality that needs explaining. Why is it acceptable to remark on someone's quietness yet one would never dare to comment on loud and obnoxious behavior. Imagine if I were to tell a coworker, 'You're so loud' or 'You talk a LOT.' That would be hurtful, yet people can comment on quietness as though it's an alien quality. It's a DOUBLE STANDARD. Maybe I don't like to talk much at work, as I'm a private person and prefer to keep to myself. If I feel comfortable around people, I will open up, but it's not in my nature to socialize very much at work as I don't particularly care for my coworkers and their personalities don't exactly mesh with mine. I don't see anything wrong with being quiet. This is me, accept it or don't. See? I feel the need to explain myself even though I shouldn't because we're all created unique and who is one to judge another, especially to their face?


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## moonlite

When I used to work, I used to get those "quiet" comments also. It seems to be a common dig in the modern world. These comments are not just annoying, but worser. They make you feel empty and lost inside like there is something fundamentally flawed with you.

I wonder if people in the 40s and 50s had to put up with such comments. I guess they did, but it happened less frequently.


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## Sparklebutt

People have pointed out that I'm quiet more times than I can remember. The reactions here are interesting...I've never considered it an insult and have never taken offense to it. Maybe it's because I prefer being around quiet people. I'd be more offended if they said I was loud because a lot of the time I find the people who always have to be the center of attention obnoxious and tiring to be around. But like you said, I do wonder why they need to constantly point out the obvious.


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## original

I don't know why people feel the need to say this. Heard this so often from family colleagues friends. Makes me feel life there's something wrong with me.

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## TaulPaul

Man do I understand this. I had this when I used to work, worst for me is in a situation like this id go bright red and heart would start racing, making me feel so self-conscious, oh and its the best too, when they point out that you are blushing!!!

Its so easy to say ignore it and not let it effect you, coz it did hurt me, when it happened, and its the kind of thing that would be on my mind all day, maybe all week. Some people suck, its just the way it is. I try to think of it like this, say there is like 1000 people where u work, and say 2 have commented on you being quiet, that's like 1 in every 500 people!! So 499 are cool and not saying dense comments.

At the time it hurts, but thinking stuff like this after the event does help me forget it a little.


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## Sacrieur

It was intended to be innocuous.

Don't read into it more than what it is: a casual observation that you're a quiet person.


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## Camelleone

I get that anywhere I go, from my teacher, my coworkers, my boss (my boss was wondering if I'm really quiet or I'm only quiet when I'm with him), my family and relatives.
I try to not hurt other people feelings, since I can't really give a nice words.
but sometimes people who are better at talking are inconsiderate and hurt others feelings, instead of doing the opposite.


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## GhstRider

Exact same here and it has affected me negatively with everything. What it boils down to is that pretty much nobody likes quiet people, so it results in no friends, no girlfriends, not likeable at work which results in people that are more likeable being promoted above me, etc. Being a quiet person affects every aspect of your life from friends, finding companionship, jobs, everything. 

And of course, very few people like me at work, so I've never been promoted, while the more "talkable likeable" people that have been there less years have been promoted several times above me.


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## JamesM2

I've been told this on countless occasions, although it doesn't bother me too much. I'm comfortable in my introversion and it doesn't offend me when people point out my introverted traits. I hate office chit-chat - people are always yakking about the same old topics and cracking the same old jokes every single day - I find it all so monotonous and I rarely have much to contribute to such conversations, so I just leave them to it and hope that they don't feel any need to drag me into it.


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## Taaylah

pbjsamm said:


> and he goes 'you talk too much.'


:roll I hate when people try to be funny by saying that to me.

I think the double standard exists because when you're quiet people perceive you as weak, so they feel like they can say whatever they want to you.


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## SuperSky

I seem to get comments like that about once a fortnight now.
The plan for next time is:
"Hey supersky, try to keep it down over there."
"I'm only being loud to balance out all your quietness."


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## Just Here

You should have told him that I would like to talk more but your mouth is never shut. As for me I like quiet people they never say first thing that comes in there head and out there mouth. Better quiet then never shutting up.


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## moonlite

GhstRider said:


> Exact same here and it has affected me negatively with everything. What it boils down to is that pretty much nobody likes quiet people, so it results in no friends, no girlfriends, not likeable at work which results in people that are more likeable being promoted above me, etc. Being a quiet person affects every aspect of your life from friends, finding companionship, jobs, everything.
> 
> And of course, very few people like me at work, so I've never been promoted, while the more "talkable likeable" people that have been there less years have been promoted several times above me.


If only talking was as easy and natural as walking then life would be far less painful.


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## Pacotaco

I would be very wealthy if I had a dollar for each time I've heard this from someone.

Varied reasons, though. One girl I used to know thought I just didn't like anyone, and that's why I was so quiet. Most people simply notice and point it out, always with a smile it seems. Yet when I actually do speak I always have a good reason so my words come out very well-spoken, which intimidates people and makes them think you are smart for little to no reason. _And_ when I'm drunk and this happens I'll just get scathingly mean because I'm so tired of that line from people. I agree with the above comment that people perceive quietness as weak so they feel okay in rudely pointing it out. That's not true at all. I am really just sitting back and taking it back in. The fact that I'm not always opening my mouth and mindlessly chattering isn't a bad thing, I don't think.

Or when people joke about, "Oh, it's always the quiet ones..." and they always trail off like that. I don't get it. They joke about how you shouldn't mess with the quiet person in the room, then go ahead and mess with the quiet person anyway.

One of the reasons I hated attending community college. This seemed to happen allll the time. It made me dread class, especially the ones that were chock-filled with loud, out-going folks, some of whom liked teasing me and just giving me crap for sitting there and drawing. Surprisingly just like high school.


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## lilyofme

My problem is that and as a defense mechanism, I tend to look serious all the time and people tell me "cheer up it might never happen" I hate looking ugly and serious. My confidence at the moment is at an all time low. Feeling very out of touch with how I look / how others see me
I'm in a the middle of a band about to go away on tour thinking at most points that they are going to see my ugliness / that I'm not up for it like they thought I am. I am at the verge of melting point reading into everything way too much. A comment at band rehearsal feels like a knife in my chest and a reaction to something I say (Like a serious face rather than something I was expecting) leads me into a shrinking person giggling like a stupid child out of embarrasment and then going ahead with what everyone else says because I'm too damn afraid to speak up for myself.
How about that?


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## Pacotaco

lilyofme said:


> My problem is that and as a defense mechanism, I tend to look serious all the time and people tell me "cheer up it might never happen" I hate looking ugly and serious. My confidence at the moment is at an all time low. Feeling very out of touch with how I look / how others see me
> I'm in a the middle of a band about to go away on tour thinking at most points that they are going to see my ugliness / that I'm not up for it like they thought I am. I am at the verge of melting point reading into everything way too much. A comment at band rehearsal feels like a knife in my chest and a reaction to something I say (Like a serious face rather than something I was expecting) leads me into a shrinking person giggling like a stupid child out of embarrasment and then going ahead with what everyone else says because I'm too damn afraid to speak up for myself.
> How about that?


I know what you mean there. People seem to think they're making a helpful comment when they say that, I guess..?

Gotten to the point where I just like to say I have Chronic ***** Face and that is why I always look so "sad" or serious.

I do the same thing, start freaking out on the inside while still trying to seem cool and collected. One thing that will cause me to kind of shut down conversationally is when I'm speaking, trying to talk about something, and a louder person interjects and talks over me, forcing me to trail off awkwardly while everyone keeps listening to the other person instead.

It's horrible to feel so low about yourself. Try not to keep those negative thoughts around! Even though I often get the same way about myself, I can say it really does help to just think, screw everyone else, and fake it til you make it. How do you fake confidence, you might ask? I don't know how I manage to do it, I just kinda pretend I don't care at all about what anyone thinks (very much not the truth) and mentally remind myself to push on after some minor embarrassing thing (like when people react the wrong way to something you tried to talk about) and often I can almost feel normal once I stop being so defensive and sort of just think, I'm here and I'm a little strange to talk to but **** it, most people are at least a little annoying to listen to anyway.

I hope that helps. I'm not good with advice but I know how you feel and it took me forever to even try and pretend I had a shred of confidence. And I still don't, but now I have to go out every day and act like I do, so it's helping a bit.

And you might even find that when you do speak up, since you're probably quieter than most and you often over analyze things, your words will likely be more well-chosen than others around you and people will listen to what you have to say. It's a strange phenomenon, but I swear I've made a group of people silent for a moment after listening to all their words around me for a while and making one frank and careful observation that resulted in silence, then laughter (the good kind, for once!)


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## MissTia

People are so inconsiderate and they expect you to respond to that bs? One of my coworkers actually asked me "how can you be so quiet?" and I was thinking this guy is just stupid so I walked away. I mean what do you say to that without being disrespectful. :con


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## lilyofme

Pacotaco said:


> I know what you mean there. People seem to think they're making a helpful comment when they say that, I guess..?
> 
> Gotten to the point where I just like to say I have Chronic ***** Face and that is why I always look so "sad" or serious.
> 
> I do the same thing, start freaking out on the inside while still trying to seem cool and collected. One thing that will cause me to kind of shut down conversationally is when I'm speaking, trying to talk about something, and a louder person interjects and talks over me, forcing me to trail off awkwardly while everyone keeps listening to the other person instead.
> 
> It's horrible to feel so low about yourself. Try not to keep those negative thoughts around! Even though I often get the same way about myself, I can say it really does help to just think, screw everyone else, and fake it til you make it. How do you fake confidence, you might ask? I don't know how I manage to do it, I just kinda pretend I don't care at all about what anyone thinks (very much not the truth) and mentally remind myself to push on after some minor embarrassing thing (like when people react the wrong way to something you tried to talk about) and often I can almost feel normal once I stop being so defensive and sort of just think, I'm here and I'm a little strange to talk to but **** it, most people are at least a little annoying to listen to anyway.
> 
> I hope that helps. I'm not good with advice but I know how you feel and it took me forever to even try and pretend I had a shred of confidence. And I still don't, but now I have to go out every day and act like I do, so it's helping a bit.
> 
> And you might even find that when you do speak up, since you're probably quieter than most and you often over analyze things, your words will likely be more well-chosen than others around you and people will listen to what you have to say. It's a strange phenomenon, but I swear I've made a group of people silent for a moment after listening to all their words around me for a while and making one frank and careful observation that resulted in silence, then laughter (the good kind, for once!)


Thank you for your wise words.
yes, I truly wish that I could get to the point of getting the confidence to talk up for myself and say something in a conversation that suddenly makes people see me as intelligent or whatever I feel that they need to see me as. Maybe this is the problem... the fact that I feel that they see me as under everyone else and I'm believing it.
Had a great conversation with one of my best friends yesterday on the phone. He's a musician also and has been playing his whole life. Sort of a father figure you might say. He has so much faith in me and my abilities and it helps immensly to have him routing for me x


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## Pacotaco

The truth is likely that they don't see you as underneath them. Your quietness probably weirds them out because a lot of people find it weird when you don't want to just incessantly blabber about stuff to keep the silence away.

Glad you've got someone to lean on! That always helps a whole lot.


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## StacieM

I've gotten that too basically my whole life. It's just so annoying. If they only knew how much I suffer with it. They probably wouldn't care anyway!


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## LonelyNomadJermaine

Same here people have been saying why I'm so quite sometimes I just feel like saying "Cuz I don't feel the need to hear my own voice all the time" or "I cuz I know how to stop talking"


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## lesaurores

Pacotaco said:


> I would be very wealthy if I had a dollar for each time I've heard this from someone.
> 
> Varied reasons, though. One girl I used to know thought I just didn't like anyone, and that's why I was so quiet. Most people simply notice and point it out, always with a smile it seems. Yet when I actually do speak I always have a good reason so my words come out very well-spoken, which intimidates people and makes them think you are smart for little to no reason. _And_ when I'm drunk and this happens I'll just get scathingly mean because I'm so tired of that line from people. I agree with the above comment that people perceive quietness as weak so they feel okay in rudely pointing it out. That's not true at all. I am really just sitting back and taking it back in. The fact that I'm not always opening my mouth and mindlessly chattering isn't a bad thing, I don't think.
> 
> Or when people joke about, "Oh, it's always the quiet ones..." and they always trail off like that. I don't get it. They joke about how you shouldn't mess with the quiet person in the room, then go ahead and mess with the quiet person anyway.
> 
> One of the reasons I hated attending community college. This seemed to happen allll the time. It made me dread class, especially the ones that were chock-filled with loud, out-going folks, some of whom liked teasing me and just giving me crap for sitting there and drawing. Surprisingly just like high school.


I have a cousin who once told my mom that she thought I was snobby because I don't talk a lot. Most of my family is very loud and I've always felt like an outsider because of my quietness. She basically twisted the knife in my chest.

I also hate it when someone says "it's always the quiet ones..." around me. What does that mean? Did I do something wrong? I never understand.

And college was bad for me, not so much because of the other students, but for teachers that would act like, offended and take points off your grade if you didn't participate in discussions.

But, OP, I understand how you feel... it's hard not to internalize someone pointing out that your quiet like it's a flaw. I never know how to react. Usually I get embarrassed and awkward. My friend's father actually apologized to me for saying that once, though. Maybe some people understand.


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## pbjsamm

@lesaurores, you get me exactly. Actually, nearly everyone who responded gets me. I had this one teacher in college who I could tell didn't like me because I wasn't overly social like my classmates. It happened to be a room full of bubbly people, so I guess my quietness stood out more than usual in that instance and my grade was definitely affected by this. I still cringe when I think of how that teacher treated me differently than the others.

You are so right about the 'it's always the quiet ones' comment... gives us a bad rap.

Everyone else was so supportive as well. The only comment that kinda bothered me was that about it being an innocuous observation. I'm not surprised someone commented to that effect and kind of expected it, but I don't agree that it's a casual observation. 
If I commented on someone's loudness, even just casually (as in, 'hey Bob, you're loud') would they too perceive my comment as harmless and inoffensive? 

It is hard not to take it personally when someone comments on one's quiet demeanor because it IS as though they're being critical and pointing out a flaw. This is exactly how I take it and I feel a bit offended. I don't think the person is cruel or anything but I can't see the need for pointing out such an observation when it doesn't benefit the recipient in any way and leaves us feeling hurt, embarrassed, flawed, annoyed, or invokes some other reaction or further analysis. What is the purpose of such commentary? Why should we be covertly or overtly criticized for our innate disposition? Just because it's not the 'norm' doesn't make it any less a desirable trait. 

It is comforting to know others share my same feelings and thoughts and I appreciate all of your support. Peace be to you all and may you all appreciate your quietness and feel grateful for being the opposite of the obnoxious, loud blowhard.


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## quietteacher

Almost everything I have read in your discussion is true about me as well. I am a very quiet person until I get to know a person then I have no problems talking to them at all. I am a teacher and I guess it seems really strange to have a quiet teacher. I am fine with my students and one-on-one discussions with parents and teachers, but I am extremely quiet during group meetings. During these times, I tend to find myself focusing on what everyone else it saying and what I should say and when I should interrupt to say it. If I am asked a question, I have no problem answering. 

A situation occurred today at work that lead me to your discussion. I have worked with another teacher several years who now has a higher position at my school. She has made several comments about how quiet I am in the past and this year she and another person have assigned me to three very important committees. Today, we had a meeting, and I spoke up about my grade level's concerns. After the meeting, she made the comment "I think I would have had a heart attack if "quietteacher" had said anything else". I laughed it off, but it is really bothering me. I too don't understand why people have to point out how quiet some people are. She has also made comments like "You talk to much" or "You are too loud". I feel like she thinks that by making these comments she will make me change.


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## whysounfair

On 7/18/13 Moonlite asked about people in their 40's - 50's. Moonlite, I am 56 and yes, my co-workers perceive my "quietness" as arrogance. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was brought up with a really strong work ethic and I focus on business. I do not mean to offend the younger viewers, but my co-workers would ***** endlessly to the boss when I stepped outside 3 minutes for a cigarette. Quietly observing, the co-workers spent half their day on a smart phone and somehow, that was OK. I was the one to get sh** canned. The absentee boss said SHE couldn't handle the "negativity" (It wasn't coming from me!)


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## MobiusX

your response should be " nice observation, now go observe someone else and when you're done go observe the stars tonight"


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## inerameia

I would've said "Haha very clever, Sherlock. That's original, you should have some airtime for that. I haven't heard that one before. You're a bottle of roses. You're too kind." One of those statements... not all of them, that would probably be too much...


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## ZRebellion

a good response would be...

_Why are you so quiet?_
I don't know,why are you a male?
or 
I don't know why are you a female?

_Why are you so quiet?_
Well,I don't know..why are YOU a human?:um

_Why are you so quiet?_
Why can't you just mind your own business?:sus
Now **** off :twak


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## EdwinP

Pacotaco said:


> I would be very wealthy if I had a dollar for each time I've heard this from someone.
> 
> Varied reasons, though. One girl I used to know thought I just didn't like anyone, and that's why I was so quiet. Most people simply notice and point it out, always with a smile it seems. Yet when I actually do speak I always have a good reason so my words come out very well-spoken, which intimidates people and makes them think you are smart for little to no reason. _And_ when I'm drunk and this happens I'll just get scathingly mean because I'm so tired of that line from people. I agree with the above comment that people perceive quietness as weak so they feel okay in rudely pointing it out. That's not true at all. I am really just sitting back and taking it back in. The fact that I'm not always opening my mouth and mindlessly chattering isn't a bad thing, I don't think.
> 
> Or when people joke about, "Oh, it's always the quiet ones..." and they always trail off like that. I don't get it. They joke about how you shouldn't mess with the quiet person in the room, then go ahead and mess with the quiet person anyway.
> 
> One of the reasons I hated attending community college. This seemed to happen allll the time. It made me dread class, especially the ones that were chock-filled with loud, out-going folks, some of whom liked teasing me and just giving me crap for sitting there and drawing. Surprisingly just like high school.


 i hated high school but i do love community college, its a place where i can start fresh, until the experience turns rotten, then next year i can change classes and start fresh again


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## moonlite

A couple of years ago I was watching Wayne Rooney's Street Striker programme. It showed Wayne meeting the family of one of the lads who was taking part in the challenge. The lad's mother said to Wayne "your much quieter than I thought you'd be". Then Wayne didn't respond and looked rather annoyed, then it went to the next scene shortly after.

It shows that even multi-millionaire world famous people have to put up with these quiet comments.


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## Melodies0fLife

A particular male co worker of mine always asks me this... in a very loud voice too. Then he'll always follow up with "Do you hate everyone or something??" I came this close to saying, "Yes. I hate everyone here. I hate working here. I only trust one other girl there; that's why I'm always talking to her and no one else. And no, I'm not like you; I don't want to be like you. I work my *** off instead of going around and socializing like you do. Why should I want to be like you?" 

End rant...


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## juki89

Uggggg.....I hate this too! The people that I work with make comments about my being quiet all the time:Z I'll laugh it off, but some of the things that they say can be hurtful. My nickname at the start was "Elf on the shelf" and this one women told me that she dosn't trust the quiet type because she thinks that I'll show up to work one day and shoot everyone in the office! WTF, who says stuff like that? I'm always so nice to everyone, It's kind of hard for me to show alot of affection and share an exchange of nice words, but I would never hurt anyone, and it hurt me so much that someone would think that of me 

Things have calmed down at work now since I've proven that I can be great at my job when given a chance. But I still get those comments. I can't go a week without hearing: "Keep it down in there" or "Stop being so loud"...And I always dread those damn office birthday parties, I always get singled out:Z Someone always has to say that I should sing happy birthday. ****in *******s, don't even know how much it takes for me to sit in on these things, I'm trying to work on me. My old self would avoid these office parties all together....i'm trying here!


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## Cadenza

_Why are you so quiet?_
*Why are you so loud?*

Yeah, I get this a lot too. Then they'll ask if you're okay.

I'm FINE. I'm just a quiet person and don't feel the need to be talking all the time.


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## Greenleaf62

People point out my quietness all the time. Just a few days ago at work I was in the back room filing some papers and my supervisor said something like "You're just such a quiet worker" and then someone else was like "Isn't she?". I just don't know how they expect me to be more talkative when they're all out in the main part of the office and I'm in another room filing.


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## dal user

Its the same for me, the only time loud people would be pointed out is if the world was a majority of quiet people which its not so we always get the 'quiet person' treatment.


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## Anticipate

pbjsamm said:


> Today, I was minding my own business when some coworker said my name and then I said 'yeah?' and he goes 'you talk too much.' I paused before replying 'I know, ha ha' and that was it. It was a weird exchange and pointless, if you ask me. Why do people feel the need to point the finger at quiet people? There was a coworker at my last job who also remarked on my quietness. In situations such as these, I feel like saying 'Annnnd...??' How do they expect me to respond to such an inane remark? Being quiet is not some sort of obscure quality that needs explaining. Why is it acceptable to remark on someone's quietness yet one would never dare to comment on loud and obnoxious behavior. Imagine if I were to tell a coworker, 'You're so loud' or 'You talk a LOT.' That would be hurtful, yet people can comment on quietness as though it's an alien quality. It's a DOUBLE STANDARD. Maybe I don't like to talk much at work, as I'm a private person and prefer to keep to myself. If I feel comfortable around people, I will open up, but it's not in my nature to socialize very much at work as I don't particularly care for my coworkers and their personalities don't exactly mesh with mine. I don't see anything wrong with being quiet. This is me, accept it or don't. See? I feel the need to explain myself even though I shouldn't because we're all created unique and who is one to judge another, especially to their face?


Hi pbjsamm, I know exactly what you mean!! This happened to me at my last job (plus a bunch of other jobs as well). At my last job, my boss told me on the first day that we were working together that I was quiet and that he doesn't like quiet people. I felt like saying f*** you, you're loud and I don't like loud people (I didn't say that but wanted to).



TaulPaul said:


> Man do I understand this. I had this when I used to work, worst for me is in a situation like this id go bright red and heart would start racing, making me feel so self-conscious, oh and its the best too, when they point out that you are blushing!!!


Yes, this has happened to me as well. I would never point out that someone else was blushing, I think it is very cruel.


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## twistedlogic89

I've had this happen before and it really made me mad.

I had just started working an easy student job and the first 15 or so minutes of each shift, our boss would basically just let us talk in this sitting area before getting to work. Introvert's dream, right?? lol

In the area the couches and seats were all lined around the room, so it was kind of like sitting in a circle. I would have the worst panic attacks at that job, just hoping the 15-20 mins would go by quickly. To make things worse, I am the type of person who just doesn't talk unless someone talks to me. I have no problem answering questions or participating in the conversation if someone else starts it with me, but otherwise I stay quiet. Well, no one ever made the effort to talk to me. Not that they had any obligation. But basically, it led to me being dead silent every single day. 

I still remember in my first week there, I had to go to a very awkward "pizza party". It was on a friday and a class ran a half hour into the beginning of my shift on fridays. So first of all I came in late which was awkward enough. But right after sitting down, the loudest, most annoying person I worked with goes "WHO IS THAT AGAIN? I CAN'T REMEMBER. NAME? ANYONE?" I was just like  jeez dude. 

The worst however, was during one of our 15 min social outings. We were all just sitting there as usual, and I had gotten somewhat used to it. Can't remember how long I had worked there at this point. But one of my older coworkers, out of the blue and in front of everyone, was like "So.... you getting the hang of things around here? You feel comfortable?" Suddenly it was like there was a spotlight on me. I was like ".... yeah..... :afr" I got through the incident, but after that I could tell I was officially the quiet, weird one. Not fun.


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## Freiheit

This happens to me from time to time at work and it actually did again yesterday. And I know it wasn't just an innocent observation this time because they said: "You can't work in here and be shy and quiet." Point is, it's not always innocent, and people can get nasty about it and decide that you are wrong for being the way you are, and don't hold back in telling you it. That's one of the main reasons why I hate being out and about in the world. It's like saying, "Oh you're fat, you should go on a diet," sort of thing. Downright offensive.


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## the collector

i hear ya bro. It is a double standard because loud ppl will bite back if ppl pick on them for being loud, whereas lots quiet ppl will just act....quietly.


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## the collector

whysounfair said:


> my co-workers perceive my "quietness" as arrogance.


 i relate to that.


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## moonlite

Freiheit said:


> This happens to me from time to time at work and it actually did again yesterday. And I know it wasn't just an innocent observation this time because they said: "You can't work in here and be shy and quiet." Point is, it's not always innocent, and people can get nasty about it and decide that you are wrong for being the way you are, and don't hold back in telling you it. That's one of the main reasons why I hate being out and about in the world. It's like saying, "Oh you're fat, you should go on a diet," sort of thing. Downright offensive.


What type of workplace is it?


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## Freiheit

moonlite said:


> What type of workplace is it?


Hospital lab


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## Medli

People always point out that I'm quiet. At my last job, one of my co-workers would constantly ask me why I was so shy. How am I supposed to answer that? I just laughed it off and said that I've just always been quiet. Inside I just wanted to punch him. I think asking a quiet person why they're quiet is really rude.


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## invisiblegirl82

I find this happens to me quite a lot and I tend to get defensive which just reinforces peoples impressions that I am unfriendly!


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## ineverwipe

I think it's because everyone expects you to be an extrovert. And when you're not, you stand out to them. And them commenting on it just makes you more uncomfortable and shy. I don't see why people have to point it out and single you out because they don't understand it. And i agree, if I were to say "you talk a lot" they would get offended. It is a double standard.


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## Hyperborea

Clap your hands slowly and say "theres hope for you yet.." Or, or "youre so sharp."

Id like to know what is the thought process behind the sayer. Usually they dont say to other people that "oh youre so *whatever*". Do they think we dont already know it? Or they say so we should start to please them with talking more? Selfish.


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## kessler

I often get this. Not sure what exactly they expect my response to be. 

I don't get why the need to mention it though :S I don't go round saying to people "you're a bit of a loud mouth aren't you"


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## Nessie91

I get it all the time, it's annoying and I don't really know how to respond to it? It's like if someone were to say "you're fat" lol..

I just respond the same way you do by awkwardly saying 'I know' *awkward laughter*. I swear one of these days I will lose my temper and lash out at the next person who calls me quiet. You need to have your answers prepared for these people...some kind of snarky response and they won't say it again!


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## relentlessfighter

get it all the time. I just dunno how to react. Can't retaliate back since I hate hurting ppl. I just sit there mum, and pretend that I don't care, while I burn inside.


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## Leafpool

I wish I could work with you because I'd understand. I'm quiet too. They keep telling me to greet the customers more and ask them if they need help. I'm getting better at it but it's SOOO frustrating they don't understand. I'm an introvert. I don't feel the need to greet or ask everyone if they need help. I work at clothing store whose customers are generally adults. If they really need help they can come ask me. I don't see why I need to jump on people as soon as they walk into the store. As an introvert myself I understand not everyone wants to be jumped on the moment they walk into the store.

I just hate how we're made to feel as if being quiet is not okay.


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## Eia Au

I get that all the time. Some people use it as an ice breaker, some people call me out to be a dick


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## cyl0n4reelz

yeah i remember in my old job everyone having conversations with each other and then looking at me and saying why are you so quiet or you never talk. i would then doubt myself and wonder if there was something deeply flawed with me and i would just get so nervous and anxious and start sweating, gosh it was just horrible


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## moonlite

cyl0n4reelz said:


> yeah i remember in my old job everyone having conversations with each other and then looking at me and saying why are you so quiet or you never talk. i would then doubt myself and wonder if there was something deeply flawed with me and i would just get so nervous and anxious and start sweating, gosh it was just horrible


Those questions are infuriating. I guess people either think it means your very shy or have some sort of medical condition.


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## hdth

At work I normally just want to be left alone and nobody cares to understand it. I remember reading about some girl on yahoo answers who was attracted to the quiet guy who always looks ashamed but was nice. The question was if she should pursue talking to him or ask him out. All the answers were "oh something traumatic happened to him, just leave him alone you dont know what your getting into" I get pretty livid when I read **** like that.


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## NicoShy

I take lots of klonipan and chill.


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## jkate33

I guess it depends on how they say it. There's been plenty of times when I've felt it was said to me to deliberately make me feel bad...then there's times like today when one of my co-workers said something like that and I think it's just an extroverts way of thinking that they can bring an introvert into conversation. Either way it sucks and I hate it...


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## pumaa

Taaylah said:


> :roll I hate when people try to be funny by saying that to me.
> 
> I think the double standard exists because when you're quiet people perceive you as weak, so they feel like they can say whatever they want to you.


it's funnier when you make a sarcastic or *****y comment back and they realise that you're not weak and not to **** with you again.


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## pumaa

it's just plain annoying why would you want to have to put yourself through small talk (i can't stand small talk) with someone who isn't even your friend or you're particularly interested in and pretend that you like them that is fake.


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## WhiteKitty

Taaylah said:


> :roll I hate when people try to be funny by saying that to me.
> 
> I think the double standard exists because when you're quiet people perceive you as weak, so they feel like they can say whatever they want to you.


Ugh, yes. It's also so cliche for us too...I just feel like rolling my eyes sometimes and saying "so what?"

A current supervisor did something even worse though this time aside just telling me I'm too "quiet", and he prob thinks I've forgotten!: he mocked and re-acted how he sees me when I'm having a panic attack at work basically, when I'm flailing around trying to do my job when I cannot remember what to do and nobody is nearby to help me (we are a super busy coffee shop and I got social anxiety=disaster) Yes, I kid not....and it wasn't even in the back end without customers: he asked "if I put you on here, will you do this: ahhhhh *does the exaggerated flailing act, probably stupider than I even look in real life*). I laughed it off and tried to say I may be nervous since I don't recall how to do everything yet.

But afterwards, when it really sunk it what he had just done to me (and not even privately), I wanted to just quit on the spot, I was on verge of trying to be calm......one day he totally lost it at me because he assumed me, not the customer, was being "blind" and basically stupid---I was in front of customers, other workers...and had to hold my tears back -_-. I just got this job like a month ago, and I want to quit!!

The non-supervisor people at my level are fairly nice though


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## WhiteKitty

Once in high school I got this randomly in the hallway: "Look, she talks!!!!!" ( I think they may have even said "it" instead of "she", since I am so small to them I'm not even worth noting my gender...but I cannot remember for sure---and I don't even know who I was talking to or why)


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