# Can I get medication without my parents knowing?



## pittfan624 (Nov 20, 2009)

Ok, so, long story short, I know I'm suffering from SA, and have been for some time. I was put on Paxil CR for depression and anxiety when I was 12 (19 now), and Paxil definitely helped me get through it back then.

I'd really not like to notify my parents that I'm seeking medication again. However, if I go back to my old counseling center and asked to be evaluated for meds, I'm pretty sure that I would need to use my parents insurance, and thus, them being notified. I do not have health insurance of my own, nor does my job offer it. However, I do have money, and I would be OK with paying up to $200 or more to get a prescription if there is a way around using my parents' health insurance. 

I would like to know if there is some way I can get evaluated for medication and pay for it, without my parents being notified. However, there is no way I can pay over $500 out of pocket.


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## xboxfreak (Jul 22, 2008)

Just go in and tell them you no longer have insurance or not to use the insurance they have on file. Tell them you want to pay out of pocket.

It may be very pricey though. It may go above your limit.

By confidentiality laws, the doctor's office is not allowed to disclose your records to your parents unless you sign a release. Even if you use their insurance they would still not be able to see the records. Of course, they would see a bill for something (if you used insurance).


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Just tell your parents.


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## Himi Jendrix (Mar 24, 2010)

You should just tell your parents and fight the anxiety of it. 

If you cant do that then you have several options: 

1) If you pay for separate insurance just schedule an appt. with a GP and get some cheap SSRI's. 

2) If your parent pay for insurance, than they will see it on the monthly bill. You could save some money and pay out of pocket and no one would know but the doctor, pharmacist, you, and us. lol


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## sidekick (Mar 20, 2009)

(Disclaimer: This is in the US, not sure about other countries.)

Your health information is PRIVATE. It doesn't matter if you use your parents' insurance. Yes, they'll get something in the mail saying you went to the doctor, but they won't know why. They don't get a letter from the insurance company or a phone call from the doctor saying "OMG, did you know pittfan was here to get started back on Paxil?!" The only way they can find out is if you give the doctor's office written permission to disclose your information to your parents. Check with the office to be sure they have it in your records that you have not given them permission to discuss your health information with anyone. They won't know anything about what medications you take unless you leave the bottle sitting around.

Go to the doctor, use your insurance, and don't worry about it. If they mention it to you when they get the letter from the insurance company, just casually mention that you weren't feeling well, or your back was bothering you, or you thought you sprained your ankle... whatever you like. No worries, your secret is safe.


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## Himi Jendrix (Mar 24, 2010)

sidekick said:


> (Disclaimer: This is in the US, not sure about other countries.)
> 
> Your health information is PRIVATE. It doesn't matter if you use your parents' insurance. Yes, they'll get something in the mail saying you went to the doctor, but they won't know why. They don't get a letter from the insurance company or a phone call from the doctor saying "OMG, did you know pittfan was here to get started back on Paxil?!" The only way they can find out is if you give the doctor's office written permission to disclose your information to your parents. Check with the office to be sure they have it in your records that you have not given them permission to discuss your health information with anyone. They won't know anything about what medications you take unless you leave the bottle sitting around.
> 
> Go to the doctor, use your insurance, and don't worry about it. If they mention it to you when they get the letter from the insurance company, just casually mention that you weren't feeling well, or your back was bothering you, or you thought you sprained your ankle... whatever you like. No worries, your secret is safe.


I dont know that this is good advice. You basically told him to lie and to keep this whole deception going on. It would go on for awhile but eventually this fellow would run out of luck and his parents would find out.

The advice I gave about seeing a GP and paying out of pocket is probably best. At most it would be 100$ in the US. Just call em up and tell them you need to see a doctor for anxiety but say you want to pay out of pocket.

If the paxil worked before just ask for several refills worth and see him every 3-6 months or so. This way you can get cheap pills without seeing a doctor often and without lying to your parents.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

Typically we're afraid to tell our parents BECAUSE of the social anxiety itself. To ever get "better", we all inevitably have to reach the point where we are OKAY with them knowing, not to mention the fact that you just have a way better chance of success when you're not so focused on hiding it. I know... I used to expend ALL my energy just trying to keep it hidden, but it gets exhausting and the inevitable web of lies is not just unhealthy, but the more you let it grow, the harder it is to let go of it when it's time.

Oh, and you won't need to waste $200 just to have somebody write on a piece of paper for you. And even a TINY bit of support from your family can be a huge help if they're aware of it, especially when things get really bad.

Seriously... the reasons for letting them know generally outweigh the reasons for lying about it so such a degree that I really can't in good conscience give you the advice you're looking for. SOCIAL anxiety is not something that can be beat ALONE, it's an absolute impossibility. At some point you'll need some social support in your life, and friends (for those of us that even HAVE real friends) can fade away - especially if they feel there's too much drama or that you require too much special treatment (which is very typical) - but family ties do not break anywhere near so easily. More likely than not, the people you can most count on still being around if/when things get REALLY bad is your family. 

Like I said... anybody intent on beating this has to, at one point or another, get to a point where they're not so terrified of their parents knowing. Even when the drugs are working at their best, it still requires a lot of work. And working so hard to hide things from my parents was the most disastrous mistake I've ever made in my life. I know it's difficult as hell, but it's a necessary step and it's a step best taken ASAP to give you not only a headstart and an advantage in your recovery, but also because things CAN get worse for people. And I hate to say it, but the 19-20 year old transition towards a more independent and adult life (aka "quarter-life crisis") can be a MASSIVE trigger for increasing severity. Not saying it will necessarily happen to you, but it did to me, and I know it's happened to many others as well, and it's just SO much better to have that support structure in place by the time you really need it, trust me on this.


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## sidekick (Mar 20, 2009)

Himi Jendrix said:


> I dont know that this is good advice. You basically told him to lie and to keep this whole deception going on. It would go on for awhile but eventually this fellow would run out of luck and his parents would find out.
> 
> The advice I gave about seeing a GP and paying out of pocket is probably best. At most it would be 100$ in the US. Just call em up and tell them you need to see a doctor for anxiety but say you want to pay out of pocket.
> 
> If the paxil worked before just ask for several refills worth and see him every 3-6 months or so. This way you can get cheap pills without seeing a doctor often and without lying to your parents.


It's his business. He's an adult. If he were being treated for an STD, would you insist he tell his parents about it? Bottom line is that your health information is no one's business but yours and your doctor's, unless you *want *to share it. Sounds like the OP is not interested in sharing his personal health information. While I agree that lying is generally bad, I'd rather lie than disclose information that is none of the other person's business. If you'd really like to minimize deception, just say "oh, I went for a checkup" or "I wasn't feeling well." Both statements are 100% true without revealing anything personal.

If the OP were still 12 years old, I'd agree he needs to talk to his parents. But he's not. He is *19 years old*. He has every right to be treated, and to know that his treatment is confidential.

I'd also like to point out that much of the information being offered here was wrong. Just because he uses his insurance (which is through his parents) does not mean his parents will know anything about it unless he chooses to share. If he'd rather pay out of pocket than have his parents know he went to the doctor about something, then fine, but he shouldn't be under the mistaken impression that he has to do that.

OP, I know what it's like. When I was in high school, I was treated for depression, which my parents (at least my mother) knew about, and it was a horrible situation. I hated them knowing, and it just made things worse. I'm an adult now, and am being treated without them knowing. Because they don't *need* to know, nor do I *want* them to know. And that's okay.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

So... the previous post was so ridiculous that I just had to reply with a freaking novella over TWO posts. I apologize for the inevitable redundancy, spelling, grammar, and other errors, etc... it's not an essay that I had any need or desire to edit. It's long, and I almost don't expect anybody to read it because some people somehow consider ~4,000 words as being "too long." Anyways, while it's technically directed at sidekick's post, it's not necessarily FOR him and is probably better suited for at least the OP to read as a response, since (s)he's the one asking for advice. Anyways... onto this behemoth of a post...

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Having the right to do something does NOT automatically mean it's a good idea to do it. In some cases, like with extremely abusive parents, parents that are hyper-religious and don't believe in modern medicine, etc., it could very well be a good idea to withhold it. For the vast majority of people though, the benefits pf letting your parents and/or family know FAR outweighs the fear we have of doing it. That's the central problem with disorders like depression, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, etc - the lens through which we view the world and society is distorted and we end up having hugely unrealistic or harmful perspectives and expectations. This is pretty much the basis for many types of therapy, especially the scientifically-supported CBT. Not everybody has success with therapy, but that doesn't mean they aren't focusing on the right issue.

For instance... my mom has a very clear cut bacterial bladder infection (TMI? lol) but the antibiotics she's been on so far (4 different ones) have not been able to eradicate it. It does not mean the drugs themselves or useless, or that she's been misdiagnosed, just that some cases are harder to deal with others, and that VERY few monotherapy treatments are ever 100% effective. Similarly, therapy doesn't work for everyone, and it's even further obfuscated by barriers such as avoidance, deeply-ingrained habits and recurring thought patterns, and the whole concept of secondary gains. Basically, the point is that therapy's failure on the part of some - even MANY - people, does not mean it's trying to address a serious problem. These distorted frameworks are pretty agreed to be a central issue for many people, though obviously not usually the direct cause, especially in those who have a biologic basis. A growing number of people though are considering the possibility that MAYBE for depression in a lot of people, the pervasive cynicism might just be a more unfiltered view of the world as it really is.

I'm not going to preach "ignorance if bliss", but normally you'd have two things to direct that cynical energy towards positive, because being depressed just holds MOST people back. There are 2 obvious ways to deal with such cynicism... which would be to make a strong attempt at trying to find the good in everything (without bull****... but the world exists in shades of grey, not just simply black or white, which is another kind of thinking present in many psychiatric disorders... ESPECIALLY borderline personality disorder. The other way to really change that cynicism is to directly act to change the world around you, which is freaking difficult with a condition that sucks the energy and motivation right out of you. So the best most can realistically do is try to adjust their perspective... not to the point of delusion, but to the point where they can live good and functional lives - and THEN maybe they can work towards fixing the societal proble that has been such a source of distress for them.

I realize it might not seem like there's a whole point to all this but I anticipated some arguments against the whole idea distorted/different perspectives and expectations that we tend to share as opposed to those that are mentally healthy. Telling out parents what we're doing is simply NOT the end of your w. In fact, with a social disorder like social anxiety, you'll need all the support you can get. It's scary but it almost always pays off, because the mere nature of such a socially-based disorder ensures that a) social support is critical for proper improvement, and b) that such proper improvement necessarily will eventually put you into such a spot where you can be comfortable ENOUGH to tell the.

I waited until my problems spiraled out of control, ****ed up my year of university (for the 2nd time!) while everything went to **** and I was living an unimaginably pathetic life until I reached a point where my choice was suicide, or get proper help and let my parents know. I was about 22 at the time. Some of the details are way too messed up for me to get into them, but it was just a living nightmare, and could have been avoided (again) if I had any support structure in place. I had to hit absolutely rock bottom before doing the right thing, but I really hope that my ordeal can be used in a positive way for others, and hopefully they can learn from it because if you DO hit that point (as improbable as it may seem... it just sneaks right up on you) and while different life experiences should normally embraced, that is a desolate and DANGEROUS whole that people should really try to avoid at all costs.

Bottom line... such a social disorder CANNOT be tackled alone, it's like giving a germophobe an endless supply of antibacterial handwash, rubber gloves, gas masks, and sterilized hospital equipment - they can literally go on forever this way by avoiding the necessity of dealing with their actual problems. Yes, you have the right to privacy, but I can't possibly stress enough that such privacy, especially from one's family, is still a mistake (I realize now, though I didn't at the time, that it really amounts to self-sabotage). I really encourage you to reconsider, based on the information on this post, and others which also encourage being honest with your folks. It was the first step I made and undoubtedly biggest in terms of the progress I've made... which is significant because I was classified as having VERY SEVERE social anxiety, as well as "very severe" MDD and "very severe" GAD, to the point where I was recommended by a number of doctors to do electroconvulsive therapy... yikes! Unfortunately most meds have done very little for me, but just getting everything out into the open has been a huge weight off my shoulders and reduced stress significantly, because I always worked so hard to maintain a web of lies and make sure NOBODY found out. Now I'm on the first medication that has actually shown significant improvement for me, and if you know anything about MAOIs, you should know that it is pretty impossible to keep this fact hidden.



sidekick said:


> Yes, they'll get something in the mail saying you went to the doctor, but they won't know why.


My understanding is that while they don't discuss diagnoses and prescriptions and other treatments, they STILL list either the doctor, hospital, organization, or treatment center that you DID go to. If the OP was simply going to the GP, (s)he might be able to get away with saying it's "just a check-up", but when the plan/desire is to go to a psychological/psychiatric treatment center (I assume some sort of outpatient clinic), it won't exactly be difficult to infer why, especially when the OP went there (or even if it were somewhere similar) before WITH the parent's knowledge.

Granted, this is specifically what I've been told by my American acquaintances, as EVERYBODY here just walks into the doctor for free (while flashing the universal health insurance card, of course), and Disability covers 100% of the cost of the prescriptions that they DO cover (not covering certain drugs in particular, like antihistamines), with absolutely no co-pay. Essentially, nobody gets anything in the mail here except the very RARE and random letter asking you to verify that you were at a certain doctor on a specific date as a method of curtailing fraud.

As for the fact that it's HIS business, this bugs me to an UNBELIEVABLE degree, as much as when somebody cites their right to free speech when told to shut up, despite the fact that people also have the right to tell you to shut up (trying to enforce it is another matter.) People are allowed to ask questions, and he doesn't have to answer them... simple as that. If people start getting annoying and INSIST on an answer he clearly doesn't want to share, then "mind your own business" would be an apt response, but people aren't even really prying all that much, nosily or otherwise. He posted on a public forum for advice and people are responding in a way that they truly believe to be the best advice they can possibly give to help him. Nobody is obligated to keep their advice within the restraints he set if they believe it will be harmful to his situation... and it's ALMOST (though there are rare exceptions) guaranteed to be harmful advice in the long run. Giving it would be a disservice.

"While I agree that lying is generally bad, I'd rather lie than disclose information that is none of the other person's business." <-- making such a statement is also unbelievably perverse. I suspect you are going to remain a very lonely person, or at best only be able to maintain the shallowest relationships, if you refuse to share anything AT ALL personal. You're certainly entitled to do, because familial, friendship, and romantic relationships are built on trust and the sharing of information that MIGHT not strictly be their business, but you would like to share it with them anyways. Using the fact of whether or not the information concerns somebody else as the sole CRITERIA for sharing is beyond ridiculous.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

And really, this is pretty much what social anxiety largely is. The fear of giving ANYBODY even the tiniest window into our life because of the fear of criticism or perhaps some other reason, but it's *unhealthy* and so it's absolutely TERRIBLE advice. Anybody who wants to see a vast improvement in their social anxiety is going to have to let go of that because meaningful relationships can never be built when a person decides to keep every bit of "personal" information to themselves. We really need not be so scared of doing so, but conversely, we can't allow ourselves to be an open book with everyone we come across either... discretion MUST be exercised. But applying it as a rule, in the way you have worded it, is almost the definition of the PRIMARY symptom of social anxiety and related avoidance behavior, and so it must be a fear that is dealt with. Medication is simply not enough if you refuse to drop such an attitude, and you'll really never get past the status quo.

So please, get the hell off your high horse. He does INDEED have the legal right at 19 years old to make sure his medical situation is kept private from his parents and anybody else, but everybody on this forum ALSO has the right to tell him it's an awful idea, and to tell YOU that you're giving awful advice, so the entire point is moot. Nobody is telling him he doesn't have that right, only that it's a bad idea, and it in no way infringes on that right WHATSOEVER... so get a freaking grip. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that keeping it hidden from possibly the most important support structure in most people's lives (for myriad reasons, some of which have been explained) will almost certainly serve as a massive impediment to the OP's mental-health progress. And what's more, if he ever wants to get better (and for that matter, YOU especially) this absolutely refusal to divulge even the smallest personal details is going to ensure misery for the rest of your life. No social group, potential friend, or romantic partner is ever going to put up with someone who doesn't divulge anything, and at best you'll come across as someone with an absolute lack of (at least genuine) personality. The op seems to have a hell of a lot more hope than you do, all he's really said is that he doesn't want to let his parents know (which I still stand by what myself and everyone else has been saying that it's an awful idea), but anybody who, as you suggested, systematically keeps every shred of personal information completely private, you are bound to lead a sadly private life.

Do you even WANT to be able to operate on a semi-normal social level? Generally, those with SAD have a deep-seated desire to be able to interact with others, almost desperately, and it's because of this that they fear criticism and rejection to such a paralyzing to degree. If you don't even have an interest in such social interaction and are determined to permanently keep your cards close to your chest because you simply don't care, most experts would agree you're looking at something else. I'm not going to pretend I don't know which is the case for you. In fact, I'll assume you genuinely have SAD... but give it some serious thought anyways.

Either way, any kind of ridiculously rigid strategies such as yours, and advice to people with SAD to that effect, ranks up there in the worst possible way with dealing with this ****ty mental illness, and without exaggeration ranks right next to "suicide". It will never get people ANYWHERE, and even if the OP decides to ignore all this truly benevolent and caring advice that people have offered, I sincerely hope he/she doesn't take what you've said to heart as it'd honestly be condemning them to a life of absolute misery (for anybody who actually DESIRES meaningful relationships, that is.) I used to always be a pathological liar. I would like about EVERY personal detail, right down to what kind of music I liked and other pointless stuff. Even when I finally had the ultimatum or suicide or get treatment and help from my parents, I still lied through my teeth to everyone for fear of being judged. While I didn't receive MUCH benefit from therapy (it was relatively unstructured, fairly casual conversation), after about 6 months (a dozen visits) with my LCSW, who was really nice and obviously very caring and not critical towards me at all, I began to open up a lot more to her. And almost unintentionally, it started spreading to all my other relationships where I felt comfortable saying things I had never had before. This even led to getting better treatment from my psychiatrist as I was even afraid of telling HER the extent of my problems, and better responses from people I both knew and didn't know - where I once was afraid of rejection and criticism for saying these kinds of things, I've found a marked improvement in how people react to me, and have realized such fears were almost ALWAYS unfounded. I still have a long way to go, but it's already been a significant improvement, JUST being able to tell the truth to people.

We have a psychiatric disorder. It prevents us from seeing the world as it really is, and gives us totally unrealistic expectations of other people. You appear to be the kind of person who thinks you're above that, but if that were true, you really wouldn't have a DISORDER at all. So why waste your time on this site at all? The bottom line is that your advice (and especially your own personal practices) is DOWNRIGHT HARMFUL, and insisting that it's nobody else's business is not just irrelevant, it makes absolutely no sense when the person is asking for advice. People may be giving advice the OP wasn't expecting, but it's because they care, often have the experience, and are genuinely interested in seeing the OP get the help he needs. I sincerely hope the OP listens at least somewhat to these people, but nobody is forcing him/her to do so, or constantly prying for more personal information, so the statement that it's nobody else's business is ignorant at best, and absolutely malevolent at worst - though I don't think it was ACTUALLY a malevolent act is was clearly as misguided and potentially even a very harmful thing to say... this is somebody's life.


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## sidekick (Mar 20, 2009)

This is getting ridiculous, so a few brief points.

1. The OP asked if it would be possible to get medication without
telling parents, not whether it would be advisable. Don't condemn me
for answering the question asked.

2. Each person's treatment is their own. Just because talking to
parents helped YOU doesn't mean it's going to help anyone else. The
options aren't: A. Tell everyone about your problem or B. Die.
There are a lot of points in between. Only the OP can decide what the
best course of action is. Your experiences influence your advice,
just like my experiences have influenced mine. I'm pretty content
with the way my life is, so obviously my method worked okay for me. You also have no way of knowing why the OP does not wish to share this information with his parents. Perhaps they were extremely unhelpful and unsupportive the first time around and he wishes to avoid that issue this time.

3. Just because you disagree with the information offered does not
make it technically wrong. Telling the OP that they cannot get
treatment without their parents knowing is, in fact, untrue (at least
in the US). You speak of far-reaching consequences of taking my
advice.. but suppose someone reads what other people say, and decides
to not get treatment because they don't want their parents knowing.
They become more withdrawn, anxious, and depressed, and end up far
worse than if they had just quietly sought treatment. How is that any
better. Maybe some people need to be treated with medication before
they reach a point where they can discuss it with family or friends.

Personally, I waited until I was about two days short of suicide to get help. I've absolutely not discussed it with my parents, and I'm happier that way. I am intensely private about certain areas of my life, and mental health is one of them--hence why I empathize with the OP and am hoping they are able to get the help they need without unwelcome parental discussions if that is what they want.

Here's the bottom line: every person has the right to choose how they
want to live their life. Just because you disagree doesn't make it
wrong.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

sidekick said:


> This is getting ridiculous, so a few brief points.
> 
> 1. The OP asked if it would be possible to get medication without
> telling parents, not whether it would be advisable. Don't condemn me
> ...


For Christ's sake, nobody is suggesting that the OP is for sure 100% wrong. Everybody is simply giving their own opinion (which is overwhelmingly in favor of TELLING parents... because believe me I was two days away from suicide myself and telling my mom was the best decision I ever made. Interesting you think you're "happier" that way when it's your ONLY way, though. Generally you need to give both sides a shot before making such a comparison.

But nobody is tying up the op and forcing them to do whatever we want. They're still free to make their own decision. Everybody here recognizes that the OP is ultimately free to do what they want (just as we are free to give their own advice), so the implication that you are somehow at another level of understanding than the rest of us is completely bogus... if anything you need to get a clue.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Wow, this is insane. I posted almost the exact same question a few weeks ago, except it was specifically about whether or not my parents would find out about using insurance for the prescription itself not to see the doc. No one went into a tirade about how my parents should know. Pitfan624, I understand completely why you'd want to keep it private. Good luck to you.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Himi Jendrix said:


> *The advice I gave about seeing a GP and paying out of pocket is probably best.* At most it would be 100$ in the US. Just call em up and tell them you need to see a doctor for anxiety but say you want to pay out of pocket.
> 
> If the paxil worked before just ask for several refills worth and see him every 3-6 months or so. This way you can get cheap pills without seeing a doctor often and without lying to your parents.


:ditto

Also, I'd ask for generic paxil, or you'll be paying an arm and a leg. You can get a 90 days supply at Wal-mart of Target for $10, a 30 for $4. You'll probably have to go back for a follow-up, to see how you're handling your meds.

But since you "don't have insurance", you can pay on a sliding scale. Often, clinics will give you discounts for paying in full the day of your visit. Also, they like to send information mailers and all sorts of stuff to you. So, if you don't want your parents inquiring as to why you're receiving mail from a doctor, I'd rent a small p.o. box. You can check here to see what the rates are in your area. Normally it costs 20-$40 per year, or you can do a 6 month, depending on the office. Be sure to give your clinic your cell number (hopefully you have one) unless you want your parents to get your appointment reminder call!

It would be a good idea to call around to get different rates, as they can vary greatly between clinics. Ask what a consultation and physical exam costs. Tell the receptionist you want to be prescribed an anti-depressant. You can see a GP or a physician's assistant for a prescription. When you meet with your doctor, be sure to tell them you don't have insurance, or they'll (likely) bill you a higher rate.

If it's been several years since you've seen your doc for paxil, you might want to see if your records are still on file.

Good luck!


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Neptunus said:


> :ditto
> 
> But since you don't have insurance, you can pay on a sliding scale. Often, clinics will give you discounts for paying in full the day of your visit.


He doesn't have his own insurance, but he is insured under his parents. That was the whole issue, he didn't want them getting the statement.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Whitney said:


> He doesn't have his own insurance, but he is insured under his parents. That was the whole issue, he didn't want them getting the statement.


Yes, I know. Which is why I was recommending the pay-out-of-pocket route, like the poster I quoted.


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## look (Jul 17, 2010)

Wow - In the U.S it must be really hard with doctors, medications etc. 

I didn't tell my parents about my SA and went to the doctor. The doctors visit was free and got a perscription with 5 repeats. The medication was $5 =)


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