# Techniques and Advice.



## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

Hopefully this will help someone. So im just going to pick at my brain and try to remember all the things that helped me grow over the year... It took me along time to write this so this is a reminder to me as much as it is an attempt to help you. Soo many sources for the advices cant really quote them all =/ Most of the ones that I wrote myself are just my opinion sorry if you disagree.

Alrighty..

1. Law of Attraction. Good attracts good, and bad attracts bad. Easy enough. No need to explain this.

2. Perspective. You see things the way you see things. Others may see the same thing as you but see it differently. You look for what your thinking to make sense of things. Think about that..

Thinking positive your going to look for the positives. Thinking negative your going to look for the negatives.

Let me give you an example. Out on a date with a girl. Girl looks bored. One guy sees. [Oh shes bored. It must be my fault. Crap im such a loser. I can't please a girl like this..]. That guy would probably give up on that girl the first chance he gets because he is thinking so negatively.

Guy number two. Same date. Same bored girl. [Oh she looks bored. This isn't looking to good... Where can we go to make this day more exciting. Days not over yet, let see if I can save this day.] This guy same situation. Took care of it differently.

You want to know what guy two did differently? It had to do with his thinking. Guy number one saw the girl got bored and just shutdown. Guy number two kept on going eventhough there was a bump in the road.

3. Inner rapport. Confidence in ourselves the lack of doubt within. What does this mean? It means that we should be on our side at all times. Don't mentally beat yourselves up it solves nothing. Don't always go straight to suspecting that people do the little things because of you failing at life.

Remember. "Confidence is the absence of inner conflict"

Examples: "She just broke eye contact!" "I was right im a loser cant even keep her attention, I should give up right now, my life sucks screw it all."

Don't take it personal. Side with yourself don't pick a fight with yourself.

4. We aren't part of some book. Not everyone gets a happily ever after... You have to work for everything alright. If you know that your life is crap, and you are just sitting there waiting for something to happen just know. Most likely it won't. On the flip side of that it also means that it isn't set in stone that we are going to have a bad life.

5. Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, say a prayer for them and move on. Don't take their garbage 
and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

6. Keep a notepad with you. Write what you need to do that day. You MUST do what you write in there. No getting lazy, you MUST like your life depends on it.

7. EFFORT. Don't give into negative thoughts. Try before collapsing.

8. Avoid SocialAnxietySupport.com. I love this site, but I try to avoid it because whenever I come here I take all the negative thoughts and the negative words of people with me for awhile.

9. Exercise. What I do is start at 5 pushups a day(add 1 or more pushups a day). Then put on my favorite song and do jump rope for that time. Try to chose something thats 3 minutes long.

10. Get sunlight. It will help.

11. Keep a coin with you. This is kind of like the notebook thing. When you come to a tough decision choose the 2 best options. Then give each option a face of the coin. Take the coin out of your pocket you must do the option that comes with the side you see first. No, ifs, ands, or buts about it.

12. I want you to hang out with your friends listen to the convo and say whatever pops into your head as soon as you think of it.

If you don't think you are ready for that then... well record yourself talking for 5 straight minutes once a day without pausing for more then a couple seconds. This way the *filter* in your mind will slowly become less second nature.

13. Spend less time talking to yourself. Usually introverts spend more time thinking and talking in their heads then in the actual world they live in. So if you spent less time thinking around other people you will eventually spend more time talking.

14. Method of how to keep conversations going. 
-Ask open questions. Questions that people can't answer with yes, no, or maybe.
-When someone says something there are words that you can pick out of them to keep the conversation going.

Like:
Hey there, I just got back from bowling with the family.

From this you can pick words. The person said bowling, and family. You can ask about scores, the place itself, the persons parents, or go somewhere completely different and change subjects.

15.Relationships are a 2 way street. [This one is important to me because when I realized it I fricking realized it, and facepalmed myself so many times.]

16. There is 2 sides to every situation. [By far one that I use the most. Every situation, every quote, every piece of advice has 2 sides. By looking at both you can have some insight.]

17. BREATHE. Take some time to do some deep breathing. It helps you relax, and focus.

18. Feeling bad and not sure why? Ask yourself this. Its one word, and can be used over and over until you feel you have gotten to the root of the problem. That word is....

So.

Thats it. So. Tell yourself that thing that is making you depressed then think. So? Answer why. Then again. So? And just keep going down from there till you have some sort of epiphany. Very helpful for me, hopefully helpful for you guys too.

3 Great Self-Help links:
1. http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section1/scenarios/socialphobia1.html
2. http://forum.psychlinks.ca/shyness-and-social-anxiety/16284-overcoming-the-spotlight-effect.html
3. http://roflc.at/t
4. yourcharismacoach.com


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Firstly, sticky this mods on one condition, change the red and blue text colour lol. If it had of been just about anyone else posting I would have skipped it due to how hard it is to read. 

secondly, I agree with everything you posted and you even had a couple of things I had not thought of, main one was the coin thing. That is a great idea and something I would like to work into my life. 

SAS doesn't get me down, so coming here or not does not make any difference. I cant relate to that one. 

Awesome post, and once again you are well beyond your years. Would love to talk to you one day.


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

matty said:


> Firstly, sticky this mods on one condition, change the red and blue text colour lol. If it had of been just about anyone else posting I would have skipped it due to how hard it is to read.
> 
> secondly, I agree with everything you posted and you even had a couple of things I had not thought of, main one was the coin thing. That is a great idea and something I would like to work into my life.
> 
> ...


Haha thanks and sorry Matty. I fixed it.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Just Tony said:


> Haha thanks and sorry Matty. I fixed it.


Haha, dont do it on my part, but I must say it looks a lot better. Could have still used colours, just not so bright.

Pity, many will not see this thread, or dismiss it.

It has a lot of good stuff in it.


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## MsDaisy (Dec 27, 2011)

This is a lot of good advice Tony. I just want to let you know that I noticed, and I appreciate you posting this work of yours. Today I was thumbing through some frustration forms, and I realized...these stories are the same thing, over and over. These young beautiful kids on this site just want to give up, there so bored, and so negative, and it makes me so sad. I really need to stay away from frustration forms. I was frustrated to begin with and then I got more frustrated. 

Threads like yours make me happy....positivity makes me happy.

I especially liked #5. It really hit home for me after the day I had.


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

MsDaisy said:


> This is a lot of good advice Tony. I just want to let you know that I noticed, and I appreciate you posting this work of yours. Today I was thumbing through some frustration forms, and I realized...these stories are the same thing, over and over. These young beautiful kids on this site just want to give up, there so bored, and so negative, and it makes me so sad. I really need to stay away from frustration forms. I was frustrated to begin with and then I got more frustrated.
> 
> Threads like yours make me happy....positivity makes me happy.
> 
> I especially liked #5. It really hit home for me after the day I had.


I agree, frustration is a sad/negative/frustrating/etc place.

And thanks miss I appreciate the acknowledgement. Glad I could make you happy, even if only for a bit =]


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

AwkwardGal said:


> Oh, I really like this post. It's got some very original advice.  Thanks for sharing.


No prob. Thanks for reading =]


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## Bunbury (Nov 4, 2011)

Great thoughts, especially making yourself talk more to others and less to yourself, looking at a situation from both sides, and stating your feelings to detach yourself from them. Thanks!

The coin thing is interesting, I wonder if I should try it. I usually have trouble deciding whether to do or not to do. But I don't know whether I could make myself follow the coin.


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## Beavis (Jan 15, 2012)

where did you get rules 6 and 13 from?


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## theastralgirl (Jan 15, 2012)

Thank you. There's some things I already knew, but there is also a lot of original advice. I really like the coin idea. I think I'll try it tonight when I go out. 

I'll definitely check out the links.


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## MarkusEllek (Sep 1, 2011)

Hey I really like you approach, we schooled all be using this forum to get better and more happier.

Br Markus


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

Beavis said:


> where did you get rules 6 and 13 from?


6. Long story short I reached an epiphany one day while playing video games. I just thought hey why not make life one big video game, and this notebook is where I will write all my "objectives" and "missions".

13. I got it from a psychologist. I don't remember who.



theastralgirl said:


> Thank you. There's some things I already knew, but there is also a lot of original advice. I really like the coin idea. I think I'll try it tonight when I go out.
> 
> I'll definitely check out the links.


Hope it works for you.

Thank you for reading this, and helping yourself out [:


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

added a 4th self-help link. Its newsletter that gives you tips and all that. Hope it helps.


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

Sheesh. I wrote this? Its nice to refresh my memory from time to time..

Ill try to update this soon. Ive definitely learned more stuff.


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