# How to Make Friends Outside of School?



## schen5 (Apr 27, 2014)

I consider myself a friendly guy, I can get along with people alright and carry on a conversation...but only on the short run. The kind of friends I make, I may talk to once in a couple of days if I run into them at school or if I have class with them, and say hi in the hallways, but never anything more. People get bored of me and eventually run out of things to say.... The few people that do talk to me at school, basically never invite me to hang out anywhere and I'll only see it on their Facebook page a few days later 

The only stable and close group of friends I was ever in was when I was in Gr6, made some good friends and actually hang out all the time, especially during summer, but I moved away.... I've been in this city only for 6-7 years, during my junior high and high school years where i was a total recluse and missed my chances to get into a social group early on. You miss that time, when people are actually interested in meeting and getting new people, and after that even when you get the odd invitation or two, you go to the party and nobody knows you well enough to carry on a conversation or be interesting. 

When people tell me to "get out there", I just think of the many times I show up and get stranded by myself despite trying to talk to people. Only when we do some kind of shared activity like sports or volunteering, people start to warm up to me, but then I'm not very athletic (so I don't ever get invited to those things), and nobody would think to tell me to join them in volunteering someplace. 

Then theres the possibility of me starting events by myself without waiting for invitations from others...but inevitably nobody shows up because people don't feel they know me well enough to accept this kind of offer and would rather spend time with more interesting people. Not to say I'm not interesting..I think I could be, like I was in Gr6, if I got to know people enough through shared activities and became comfortable. 

In other ways I'm not a very interesting person either... I had a very boring childhood...not to blame my parents either but I was a very reserved kid so I missed those childhood moments that give you experience and skills. Sometimes people say I lived under a rock...haven't seen a lot of movies, don't know a lot of games, haven't played many sports, haven't been to many places, seen many people, etc... not making excuses here but you see how hard it is to carry on a conversation when you don't know many of these things? These things snowball too because the less experiences I had in the past, the harder it is to get more experience so I end up being the same old me. Its hard to even change my facial expression because as a kid I was discouraged from being "rowdy" or playful. 

I see a lot of people unlock some hidden skill in them, like a talent for soccer, or acting ability, or skill at a certain game, and build a social group from there...but I have none of those talents, and its certainly quite late to start now as a beginner who can't make it fun for the other person. 

Perhaps I'm being quite pessimistic, part of it is that its summertime already and I'm alone and depressed again (although I don't let it show when I'm out with other people). Its hard to keep an open mind when its just me and my parents everyday living in the house, and I can't think of things to do with other people because I don't really have any interesting skills or talents. 

Got any advice? Much appreciated, I finally have the desire to break out of this, but people don't seem open anymore to making new friends outside of the many that they have already.


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## chessman6500 (Sep 5, 2013)

Honestly no, I am at a loss right now when it comes to making friends or getting a girl. I've tried pretty much everything (even over grooming myself) and nothing ever seems to work. I have had nightmares for the past eight to twelve weeks while sleeping and am deathly afraid to sleep without someone around, I can barely function and feel barely alive, just basically limping everywhere, thinking what a pathetic excuse of a life I have. Sorry buddy, all I can say is.....keep trying.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I think you miss the point with volonteering, you do not have to sign up for activities with existing friends. You can find activities that suit your interests and meet like minded people while volonteering to help with an event for xyz cause. 

Most of my friends when I was young, I did meet in school. By extension I also met people in youth group (church) and as I was into that stuff at the time that worked for me finding like minded people with similar backgrounds. 

You don't have to be good at sports to meet people through sports, you can join an intramural league that is just for fun and get to know people that way. 

It's never too late to take up a new interest if it is something you really want to do. Sure starting something in your 20's or 30's you are probably never going to be the ultimate expert but you aren't too old to learn new skills not everyone has to ba AMAZING at their interests. I'm certainly not... I am.... pretty lame actually but that doesn't stop me from enjoying my lame self on the guitar, enjoying my own albeit very imperfect voice. And taking up amature cookery... expanding my cullinary horizons. I'm never going to be a red-seal chef but I enjoy it... for me.



you have to find things YOU enjoy, the rest comes naturally. As an adult other than making friends through other friends. (I know the chicken and egg debate but once you have afew people in your life that really to have a cascade effect) . I've met my other friends on the dance floor. Seriously I suck at small talk, I hate it actually so a night out for me is to find my way to the dance floor. 

When I was a youngin even though I wasn't good at it, I made friends on my sports team (I was seriously last string and only made teams because I went to small schools) but there was that camraderie you are still on the bench cheering on the others. You still suffer through the practices... or if its a fun league you just laugh at all your mistakes. 

As an adult I don't play sports I work out so I meet the other regulars that the same aerobic classes, or get to know afew people slowly over the months as I see them over and over at the gym. MOST of these stay mere aquaintances, but its a stepping point once you know someones name and exchange pleasantries on a regular basis it takes the edge off when you encounter them in another setting. That said 2 of my best friends I met through aerobics classes. 

It's not easy I struggled for years and years with loneliness, and just managed to break out of my shell 5 or 6 years ago I think. Long enough that I can't remember exactly. I use to be that chick that lived with her parents, had no offline local friends and spent ALL her time on the computer. I think I have a slightly more balanced outlook now. It really did start with working out... losing some weight (even though I gained it all back) and putting myself out there, and... after repeated heartbreaks... learning not to expect anything from anyone. Now each friendly gesture returned is a gem. I reach out to people without expectation of reciprocation...it seems to work a lot better than when I use to meet people and start to adore them and hope and wish that they would accept my friendship. Back then people seemed to read the desperation, once I gave up hope and stopped wishing for people to reciprocate and made the decision to just be friendly and giving (in a way that considered peoples feelings so obviously not being OVERLY friendly in a way that made them uncomfortable) .... I found a group of people that did ironically like spending time with me in return.


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