# You CAN do it



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

There seem to be a lot of negative threads on SAS lately, and a lot of people who appear to be really struggling day to day with their current situation, be it directly from social anxiety, depression or both. So I felt the need to write something about how SA has affected my life and how I have turned the tables on its ugly head, I'm not sure why, but I am hopeful it might help some of you with your fight against this sometimes debilitating disorder.

I guess a background check is in order firstly; my main SA fears revolve around a) my appearance and b) rejection, in all forms (rejected by friends to attend an event, rejection at work and rejection from someone of the opposite sex). I believe these "fears" originated from instances at high school (on rare occasions I might add) where I was teased about my appearance and generally left to feel rather unattractive, whether it be a girl snarling when the teacher picked me as her partner in dance classes, that dweeb who kindly gave me the nickname "alien" on the bus ride to school each day or the cold shoulder I always seemed to get when in group discussions with girls in my grade. Now these did not affect me THAT much during my high school years because I had a great group of friends so I felt like I was still somewhat liked which kept my mind off the "attacks" at my outer form, but that was all to change when I left school.

I suppose when you reach university, you hit that dating, casual sex, partying style lifestyle which is so stereotypically placed on tertiary education, and I soon found myself so out of place it was no funny. This is where it all started going awry. For some reason I was becoming increasingly anxious when asked to a social event, mainly because of this almost sexual stigma attached to such outings, I just had these irrational thoughts in my mind that I was expected to "hook up" and that attempting to do so would leave me rejected and ridiculed, so I began making the biggest mistake of my life, avoiding.

I began avoiding anyone who might in any way shape or form ask me attend an event of any kind, be it a bbq lunch, a party, going to a club or pub, hell even going out for ice-cream. It eventually led me to becoming more or a less a recluse and I would only leave the house to go to uni, and the train trip in and out was an absolute nightmare due to the fear I would bump into someone I knew. I also began pushing my friends away at this point, my excuses for rejecting invitations were wearing thing and becoming unrealistic and eventually I stopped getting invites altogether, not that I could blame them. This was a tough time for me, I never reached "depression" but I was very sad and down on myself and life in general and my Uni scores were suffering along with me. I was also at the stage where if I even saw that a friend was having a party or something on myspace or something that I would have a panic attack there and then, even if it was months away. Even the thought of going to such a place in a months time destroyed me, I was SO sick.

Then one morning things changed, and I have my mum to blame for it more than anything. I remember her coming into my room to wake me up on a Saturday late in the morning rather irate and continued to give me a hard time about how my current state of mind and actions were doing nothing but hurting myself and my family&#8230;&#8230;bang that was it right there, I couldn't care less at the time that I was hurting myself, but to hear from my own weeping mother that she was feeling so hurt because of my general lack of interest in life hit me quite hard. She offered to take me to the doctor which I almost reluctantly accepted and things started looking up from there. I was prescribed a mix of Zoloft and Valium and was given a list of recommended clinical psychologists in the area and so my recovery began.

For the next 3 months or so I was seeing the psychologist on a weekly basis and that along with my meds really helped me with my general moods and improved my confidence not really or myself but of my abilities in the professional world. I was also taught various coping methods and given a list of exposure type exercises to work on over time which were a godsend for me. Now for the sake of potentially helping someone with what helped me I will explain simply what my exposure therapy involved, I know my SA affects me quite different to the majority here but it might still be useful to someone.

Since my main fears were finding myself in any (for lack of a specific term) "letting your hair down" social situations and the potential of meeting anyone I knew along the way, I started my exposure by simply taking a drive to the local train station and then driving back. This also sounding quite easy was actually very difficult for me because I was so paranoid someone would recognize my car then follow me to the station and stop to chat and ask me out somewhere so I was glued to every reflecting surface imaginable to see if I recognized anyone on the drive so I could make a b-line for the nearest hidy-hole on the road. The key was to continue performing this exercise until I felt my anxiety reducing after I did it time and time again. Now there WERE setbacks, I DID actually bump into a friend at the station once when doing this and it led to a small panic attack in the process but he just wanted to see how I was going and he was on his way, I survived. That felt like 10 steps back though and this is where I fear people lose out to their SA, because this is where they give up because the thought of another set back is too painful to handle but these are the exact situations which plow the sword into your SA the most, it's the decision to keep fighting on in the midst of these setback which WILL lead you to overcoming your fears. Lol I said plow.

So eventually the exposures became more and more challenging and moved close to the source of my fears (mainly going into clubs). I'll do a quick bullet point list for the ease of reading:

· Driving to train station
· Getting on train and taking a short trip
· Traveling to the city then coming straight home
· Traveling to the city and doing a lap of a block
· Walking into then straight out of a quiet pub
· Ditto but a busier pub
· Going to a movie with a friend
· Going to a party with friends but leaving straight away
· Staying for an hour or so then leaving
· Going into city to a bar with a friend/s but leaving shortly after
· Staying longer at pub
· Going to club

Now that is not the exact order of occurrences as I could not plan what I was invited to and I certainly was not going to turn anything down since these invites were few and far between but it's the general gist of my exposure therapy was conducted. These were of course all performed with weekly therapy sessions where I would explain my progress and setbacks to my physiologist and I would get feedback and advice etc etc.

Now I know people will be thinking, "yeah but at least you have friends to go out with and aid you with your exposure etc" and yes I agree I am very lucky in that regard, I will not deny I have been fortunate to have good friends but that does not mean you cannot face your fears on your own, and you never know where that journey will take you and who you will meet along the way; I met a good friend on the train back from one of these exposure evenings on my own who was just some random guy bored sitting next to me. You simply cannot let anything discourage you from doing what you must to progress against your fears.

This exposure process probably lasted about 6 months all up for me, and I was doing it at least twice a week and trust me, I NEVER felt like doing it but for the chances to have a happier more social life, it was worth pushing myself to perform the required tasks.
It was about at this time that I landed a job to work on the development of a racing car in Malaysia, and it was the biggest test for my SA I could possibly imagine, way out of my comfort zone with a bunch of people who not only intimidated me with their knowledge and experience but that also loved going out into the town for a few beers and such. It was brilliant for me because I could see how far I had come and I could see that the hard work had paid off.

So that more or less brings me to my current situation, I am happier than I have ever been, I can see an invitation to a party and actually look forward to it instead of bending forward over a toilet seat and although I still feel mild amount of anxiety when I go into the city to bars and clubs, I can still manage to do so and enjoy myself by the end of the night.

The biggest gains are that I am more confident in my social abilities and thanks to interest from various girls along the way my self confidence has also improved dramatically and I feel far less ugly than I did before, although I still do feel like I am a level below most guys out there, particularly those I hang out with but I am still progressing in that department.

Well that was quite a long post but if anyone does bother reading it I hope it at least shows you that you CAN make significant progress and you DO NOT need to be cooped up on your own for the rest of your life. If you really want to get over this and are willing to put in the hard yards to do so I guarantee that you will benefit substantially from it and in more ways than you think. You can achieve your goals in life and you can be happy. You can do it.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

This is a great post Ospi and I really hope that other people read it as well. :b


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## supreme.mugwump (Mar 13, 2009)

Reece, you write so well! Thankyou so much for sharing your experience. It is wonderful to see how far you have come, and to hear you talk about your success. Your perserverance with the exposure tasks was wonderful, and your positive attitude helped you greatly with that I think. You have given an excellent example of how attitude and desire to succeed play such an important role in recovery. Social anxiety stems from our thoughts, and so we need to use our thoughts to initiate positive change. As with your example, sometimes we need help with this, be it physiological or psychological, but ultimately we can only begin to make steps towards recovery once we have made that commitment to ourselves. Reece, you're an asset to SAS & your friends, and your positive attitude and willingness to listen will always be appreciated. I hope you continue to gain confidence in yourself, and, uh, have continued success with the ladies!


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

I read every word. It's amazing how far you've come and I hope things keep on getting better for you. You're one of my favourite SASers because you're so positive and such a nice person. Everytime I see one of your posts (SA related or not) it reminds me that I can overcome this thing, because you did. Thanks for taking the time to share this with us.  :squeeze


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## kakashisensei (Oct 8, 2009)

Nice mate =D. Very inspiring!


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## stars (Nov 20, 2009)

Thanks..i really wanna do this..don't know where to start as i know very few people/


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Thanks for reading guys! Means a lot to read your responses hehe.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

good read here. Can relate to that 3rd paragraph a whole lot. Its good to see people playing the cards they are dealt instead of changing their cards (plastic surgery and the like).


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

Great post Ospi. :clap


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## Atari82 (Jan 19, 2010)

*Nice*

Amazing, Very Inspirational This just boosted my motivation and my hope to get rid of this SAD.

Thanks A LOT for this truly inspirational story


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

That's fantastic Atari, it's exactly what I wanted to achieve. You made my day now haha. All the best mate!!!!

Thanks Kos and D11 as well!!


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## TorLin (Nov 14, 2006)

if ospi can do it, You can do it too !


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Nice post, Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Brother!


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## complex (Apr 22, 2009)

Aww this just made me happy and I can relate I feel like I have made leaps and bounds lately but seeing it written always give you hope that you can go farther and farther!  <3 Thanks Reece! Good to read all of this!!!!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Thanks Tor, Jill, MM and Ash!! Glad it made you happy as well! Was my hope it could lighten up a few peoples day and hopefully just give some motivation to push on!

Appreciate it


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

congrats


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

Thanks for the post, Ospi!
I've recently started with a counsellor and am beginning exposures. (Today is actually the first day of my planned exposures!) It's very encouraging to read someone's account of how well exposure therapy works.


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## exotica (Jan 14, 2010)

Thanks for sharing, it is really inspiring.  Move on in confidence!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Good luck Miss Meggie, I hope you have lots of success with it!!!! Thanks as well exotica


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## slkjao (Aug 5, 2009)

Wow Ospi your doing so well! keep it up!


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