# Problems with my psychiatrist



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

Just had an, well let's call it interesting experience with my psychiatrist. bear in my that not everything that was said is repeated here, just a brief summary. 

I pretty much told him, I didn't want to do the whole drug thing anymore. Paxil worked for awhile, then stopped working, EFFEXOR did pretty much nothing except give me headaches, same with Lexapro. And Cymbalta made me feel like I was literally gonna die from anxiety. So yeah I told him please no more drugs. As usual he kept saying he just wanted to help, but didn't suggest anything other than drugs. So I bought up CBT. He then goes on to explain CBT, tells me to start with exercise every morning before I goto work...yeah all normal stuff right? 

This is when it gets weird, I show him my post on this forum (meaness, public humiliation) which is about bullying in my workplace. So he reads this post and then proceeds to draw a diagram and explains to me that I react to people like I would to my alcoholic father (which is fair enough) these people only attack me because I give off a weird vibe to them. So i'm confounded, I say I agree about the vibe, but unless they are aggressive to me I usually stay out of their way, and he's like even your mere presence can set these people off. So i'm like, what can I do about it? But instead of answering that he keeps on going on about how I don't understand it, that it's my actions (passive ones apparently) that are responsible for me getting bullied and that the bullies are just normal people. Apparently I am causing these normal people grief just by being in their presence. 

I tell him it's not just me they do it to, and he says they will deny everything and looks at me like I am making the whole thing up or just completely confused about it. I say of course they will deny it, that's the way they operate. And then he starts going on about how I piss people off and I have a history of pissing normal people off. So i'm like please explain? 

He then brings up my alcoholic father who he attempted to treat, and suggests that I used to annoy my father when I was young and that was my father's excuse for drinking, then he brings up my aunt who he treated for depression (from the death of my other aunt) and claims she said I was naughty kid. He then tried to downplay the violence of my father. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT because I was there, I wish i didn't remember it, but it's ingrained in my memory. My life when I was younger was spent in fear, and sadness, i may have had my naughty moments as a kid, but the worst cases were bought on by what was happening on a daily basis in our house. My dad used to beat my mom in drunken rages nearly every other day. I initially did nothing except hide in my room, later I tried to intervene by stepping in the middle, sometimes it worked, sometimes my dad pushed me aside, after that I used to stand in the middle and he started to hit me. It didn't take long for me to start hitting back. This was over the period of at least 10 years. But my psychiatrist had the audacity to insinuate that there was never any real violence, only verbal abuse and that it was not frequent at all, because that is what he had heard from my dad (as if he would admit it) my mum (who is too proud to admit it), and my aunty (my dad's sister, who at the time always stuck up for her brother first). So then I explain my side of the story to him, yet he continues to put me down. He then says something like I am the only patient of the many hundreds of people with SA he has treated that has problems of this kind, so I say I've met many people who have SA who have WORSE problems than me, then he recounts some stats about people living at home. Then he brings up the fact that I missed some sessions, so I am total unreliable. I missed like 3 sessions out of maybe 15. And that was only because the session is every month to 3 months, and I literally forgot about it. The guy was totally on a warpath, and I didn't know what I did to set him off...

Well basically, I went to him to get help, not to get put down and abused. I aware that I have issues, but he completely over exaggerated and in some cases just denied facts. I don't understand what his problem was that day. 

I went home kind of shocked, I started thinking mabye I WAS crazy, mabye I did make up these things in my head, so I asked my mum, and she was like no, I noticed this too, our psychiatrist always goes on a ego trip, he's never constant in his advice, giving opposite advice every other session. And that's why the rest of the family has stopped going to him. So i started to think mabye he was taking out that frustration on me...I don't know. 

The thing is, going to a psychiatrist was hard enough for me, he's the only one I have atm, but it seems like he's more concerned about judging me and making some sort of statement, than actually helping me deal with my SA. From what he's said to me, it doesn't even seem like he understands the nature of SA. 

Help!


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Hmm I personally hate going to doctors of any kind who also see my family members. 

At the end of the day it just sounds like this guy is making you feel worse off than not going, particularly since the wanker has convinced himself that he knows exactly whats wrong with your situation (you apparently - he sounds like a douche, how the **** did he manage to become a psych??). I'd say for now, don't go, if this is all the 'help' he is giving you. Try and figure out a way to get to another psych. Sorry that you are in this situation


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

Yeah im starting to think it was a big mistake seeing the same doctor that treated my dad. It seemed like a good idea, because he already knew the family history, but from what he said that day, it seems like everyone has tried to cover up their own faults and blame everyone else and he believed all of it, hook line and sinker. 

I mean, my dad also blamed my mum for his drinking, he claimed that she would have her periods and annoy him. This doc actually believed this bull**** and prescribed anti-depressants to my mum for having periods...WTF?? when I asked my psyche he said that wasn't true...I don't know anymore. 

And yeah I don't know how someone who has seen me around 15-20 times over the period of nearly 7 years can claim to know me or my situation so personally. 

Thanks for your post.


----------



## GhostX (Dec 16, 2008)

I would say its a good thing you've question these things, SA can make you believe certain things that arn't true, and as you can imagine alcoholics blame everyone else apart from there selfs. ( just because there deluded ) 

Apart from that I hope you can conquer SA with out drugs, I personally don't think there the solution because from what I read they have side effects ( I might be wrong ) and being dependent on something isn't my cup of tea.

Anyway good luck!


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

Your absolutely right, SA makes you believe things that are not true. I'll admit, because of my anxiety i sometimes might behave as what normal people would perceive as blunt, rude, and this would annoy them. 

But there's a difference between being annoyed at someone and biting back and targeting someone who you think is vulnerable/weak and attacking them for your pleasure. I'm 100% sure in my case this co-worker was out to bully me. The things he was saying/doing to me were not normal everyday behavior, or behavior of someone who's simply annoyed with you. 

This psyche didn't even bother to get the full details before making up his mind that I was the cause. I really didn't go there to argue with him, I just wanted some kind of strategy/advice to cope with what was happening. He seemed more preoccupied with telling me what he thought was wrong with me, than telling me how I could deal with it. 

I agree, drugs aren't the solution. At least not for me either. 

And thank you.


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

And the weird thing was, the last session I went to him, which was last week (he prescribed Cymbalta last week, which had nasty side effects, only reason he booked an appointment so soon so that I could get a different medication) I mentioned bullying in the workplace (that time it was about a supervisor), and he was like you should claim discrimination, we'll bring this guy down, it's not right and so on. Now he's completely changed his opinion...Sounds like my mum had a similar experience with him from what she's told me. Changing opinions every session.


----------



## GhostX (Dec 16, 2008)

Yeah then he's a **** psychiatrist if he contradicts everything he says. 

I think to have some victory with SA you have to understand your feelings, because with all of us its part of us.. for now. 
I mean I'm not so bad as I was 2 years ago, and I do believe I've learned to understand it more so because all the crazy thoughts and what ever else that made me feel like a maniac I just accepted them.

I know I'm not a bad person at heart I've just got problems and negativity all the time is going to sparks off intrusive thoughts.. of anger, envy hatred etc. 

but I think my conclusion was because most people who undergo SA and other forms of depression a lot of the time its not documented and they just end up on drugs, drinking, self harm and for me it was games that took me away from the real world and they all just lead to depression.
I mean when your not progressing in life and doing the same thing in and out with no social contact you slowly just keep falling down some dark hole and really that's where you need support along with strong will, and hopefully your childhood wasn't majorly bad because people who had to deal with a bad childhood have a lot more to deal with than someone who hasn't. 

Anyway I really hope you stay off the medical drugs talking about it and figuring out your self is the cure, not switching drugs 24.7 because the old ones eventually wear out and have no effect.


----------



## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

What an unprofessional jerk!

You yourself point out that he changes his opinion/advice in different sessions...that's f'd up. One of the most important things a doctor is supposed to be is consistent and stable--so you can depend on him. (whereas you couldn't depend on your alcoholic father as a child. I have read that children of alcoholics grow up in chaos and Im assuming that's how it was for you. This is even MORE of a reason for that guy to be stable & reliable with YOU.) 

He's absolutely wrong to blame you for other people's behavior (ie. that you somehow brought on the bullying). This is called "blaming the victim" and I can't stand it when a so-called professional does that. You'd have to be an awfully powerful person to be able to "control" others into behaving like bullies. And if you HAD that kind of control over others, wouldn't you "make" them be nice to you?...See how ridiculous that whole logic is? 

We can only control, and are responsible for, our own behavior, not everyone else's. We each have free will to a great extent, but only over ourselves. There is no way you (or your mom) CAUSES a person to become a bully or violent. But this doctor already has a history of this ridiculous logic--blaming your mother for your father's violence...sorry but this shrink is the crazy one.

Also, I don't think it's written in stone or anything, but I think a doctor treating different family members separately in individual therapy (rather than family therapy) is wrong. I've read about it over the years and all kinds of sticky situations with the transferences, jealousy, taking sides, etc. can happen and possibly cause harm to everyone involved. 

My amateur analysis: 
I notice that when you tried to communicate to him that the meds don't help you, he gets weird. Well, you rejected the only thing he has to offer--meds, and in a way, this could be taken as rejection, even if only unconsciously. Which would explain his suddenly turning on you and blaming you. It's true, drugs do not work for everyone, and since he has nothing else to give you, it's possible he took it personally and felt helpless and powerless, and then just snapped out of frustration. 

This is NOT an excuse tho. He is supposed to control his actions/feelings/words that come out of his mouth so they don't interfere with his professional demeanor and doing his job right! 

That's why they get paid the big bucks!!!


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

Thanks for your reply Pam,

Yeah exactly, I expected a professional with his level of experience to be a stable influence on my life. Yet it has been close to the opposite. And a stable influence is something I need really badly. I mean he told me to stop drinking alcohol, I did it, completely stopped it, stopped associating with heavy drinkers, lost the few friends I had, it had a huge toll on my social life and my SA, the last time I drank was a few glasses of wine at a wedding, yet he ignores all this and makes accusations that i never follow his advice. One time he said he would lend me $10k to invest in the stock market...i mean who says that? How am I supposed to take an offer like that? He can't be serious...stuff like this really messes with my head, and makes it harder for me to take him seriously.

Exactly, if I had so much power I wouldn't be in the situation I am in. I wouldn't need therapy in the first place. The only power I got, was by sticking up for myself, and the main reason for that was the support I received on this forum.

Also agree with your point about group therapy for the family. But let's just say we haven't made it easy for him. Whenever one family member agrees to it, all the others refuse.

On your amateur analysis, I think your on the mark. Every time I tell him the drugs aren't working for me, he gets defensive then aggressive or just plain weird. He accuses me of not taking them etc. He doesn't seem keen on any sort of behavioral therapy. And when he does agree to it's only half heartedly. And like I said, he's always saying outrageous things, like he'll give me cash to invest or the first thing he said when I told him about the bullying... that he'd will help me fight a discrimination case...which he then later claimed was just him telling me the "hardest thing" for me to do...so yeah I think you definetely are on the mark with that one.



> This is NOT an excuse tho. He is supposed to control his actions/feelings/words that come out of his mouth so they don't interfere with his professional demeanor and doing his job right!


EXACTLY!!!


----------



## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Money to invest?!? Oh my GOD!! I don't know what to even say about that!

My last counselor had boundary problems. Like she wanted me to "co-run" a group therapy with her (I have a Bachelor's in psychology but still I don't think I'm qualified. For example, I've never even _been_ in group therapy, so how can I help lead one?) and I know she would've _paid_ me if I agreed to it, but I never did because it just felt too weird.

She also wanted me to sell an expensive painting for her on ebay & take a commission. But I didn't.

She also gave me a cell phone to use for "free" (it ended up it wasn't free at all).

She told me to call her anytime. But I was so afraid of "bothering" her and I told her this. But then eventually after a couple years i did call her. And she would call me too. Just when i got used to that, after about a month and a half, she was all rude to me on the phone saying she couldn't be doing this all the time. The thing was, it was _her_ calling _me_ most of the time to check up on me. So I pointed out that this was _her_ idea, _not mine!_ I was very hurt tho and felt like she shouldn't offer to do something and then take it away, and be mad at me about it. (I have a theme of loss in my life, so this just recreated that--Something that gave me comfort being yanked away)

One time she told me she was afraid I was going to leave her. That was kind of creepy... I mean for the therapist to say to the patient.

There are more examples of her "inconsistency" but...I quit seeing her in February, and need to find another one to see, but because of this bad experience, I am very distrustful now. :um


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Holy crap. :um That sounds like a quack doctor. He's obviously not on your side, if I were you I'd look for a different doctor.


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

Pam said:


> Money to invest?!? Oh my GOD!! I don't know what to even say about that!


Hehe that's was pretty much my reaction. 



> My last counselor had boundary problems. Like she wanted me to "co-run" a group therapy with her (I have a Bachelor's in psychology but still I don't think I'm qualified. For example, I've never even _been_ in group therapy, so how can I help lead one?) and I know she would've _paid_ me if I agreed to it, but I never did because it just felt too weird.
> 
> She also wanted me to sell an expensive painting for her on ebay & take a commission. But I didn't.
> 
> ...


Yeah I know what you mean. When you go to a professional you go in thinking they have answers, solutions, and are above irrational/emotional thoughts/behaviour. But reality is very different. Sometimes the professionals need as much help as you do.

But saying that I'm sure there are more professional professionals out there, I wish you the best of luck in finding one 

As for me, I went to see my psyche again, he seems to have calmed down. And we're trying to pursue some more professional methods such as though analysis, trying to get my dad to come to a session with me etc. I can tell that he wants to suggest wilder things, but he's keeping it tamed. I'm gonna see how it pans out.


----------



## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

He shouldn't even be talking about your other family members, should he? Aren't all the patients confidential?


----------



## BeatingSAwithastick (Jan 6, 2009)

QuackQuack said:


> He shouldn't even be talking about your other family members, should he? Aren't all the patients confidential?


In theory yes, but I guess he has to use that approach when he is treating the whole family. And really, he is treating the whole family, not just each member as individuals. The problem arises from the fact that all of us have never agreed to see him together as a family. For example my mum and I went together but my dad refused to come, when I was in HS my parents went together but I refused to go.


----------

