# Are non-black men afraid/intimidated to approach black women?



## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

I am a young black female who has never been in any sort of real relationship. Since I go to a predominately white university, and is extremely introverted, I feel as if my chances of being approached by a guy has significantly decreased. However, when I joined an online dating site, I was contacted by a mix of white and black men. The only difference was that the white guys who contacted me asked me if I was interested in white men. I thought that was a weird question to ask, especially in 2012. I would think that by now, people who not care so much about interracial dating. Then I got to thinking. Is it possible that white guys automatically assume that black women will not be interested in them? Is this true or I am just making this up? Also, would you ever approach someone of a different ethnicity as you? I really don't care if someone is black,white, asian etc. as long as I have a good connection with them. Thanks in advance.


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

Ltsax said:


> Is it possible that white guys automatically assume that black women will not be interested in them? Is this true or I am just making this up?


It's very true, and tbh I think it's true that black girls are probably more likely to not be into white guys than say a black guys with white girls.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback. However, I think that black women are starting to change their mentality towards dating (at least the ones who I have spoken to).


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

As a white guy -- and particularly as one who's VERY white, so to speak (nerdy, awkward, not athletic) -- I definitely get the feeling most black women would not be interested. I mean, I get the feeling most women in general have a preference against this type of guy, but I suppose with black women it somehow feels even more pronounced because guys _of their own race_ are stereotyped as being macho alphas.


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

Yes, very much so.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

anomalous said:


> As a white guy -- and particularly as one who's VERY white, so to speak (nerdy, awkward, not athletic) -- I definitely get the feeling most black women would not be interested. I mean, I get the feeling most women in general have a preference against this type of guy, but I suppose with black women it somehow feels even more pronounced because guys _of their own race_ are stereotyped as being macho alphas.


Another problem that I get is that the guys who have the courage to approach me in public usually assume that I want to be openly and aggressively courted. What I mean by this, is that instead of approaching me and starting a conversation, they will be extremely loud and come on to me too harshly. It is as if they assume that I would find their macho display attractive. Since I am shy, I freak out and want to run away. I love introverted/ shy guys but of course we are too shy to approach each other lol.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Hadron said:


> Yes, very much so.


Could you explain why you feel this way? I am just curious.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I'm going to be completely honest, and say that for a while I was a little intimidated. I grew up in an area with very little racial diversity, and I guess some of the stereotypes which should have been dispelled from an early age kind of stuck. I guess the main ones which I'm a little embarrassed about ever thinking were that black women are only really interested in very masculine, large, stocky guys and they themselves are all extremely extroverted. 

Going to uni helped cleared up these perceptions thankfully - I met two black girls who were a lot like me (geeky and introverted :b ) The one in particular, if she wasn't seeing someone already and I didn't have such a crippling fear of relationships I think I may have asked her out on a date :love2 ... but such is life lol.


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

Ltsax said:


> Could you explain why you feel this way? I am just curious.


I guess it's because they usually stick to their own kind. Also, you very rarely see a couple where the male is white and the female is black...So also to do with fear of the unknown I suppose.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Hadron said:


> I guess it's because they usually stick to their own kind. Also, you very rarely see a couple where the male is white and the female is black...So also to do with fear of the unknown I suppose.


Thanks for your input.


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## jonmorris73 (May 24, 2012)

.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Not personally.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I have that feeling with a lot of races (wouldn't be interested in a white guy). But that is probably just a safety mechanism to not approach people.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

That's not a weird question--they're just wondering about your preferences.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I'm not sure about intimidated, but maybe they're just uninterested based on how a lot of black girls act. (ghetto)



jonmorris73 said:


> I don't mean to be funny here, but some white guys may be afraid they don't *ahem* measure up, if you know what i mean.


Lol. Not every girl wants the BBC hahaha


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## Spooky Chan (May 16, 2012)

I think in this day and age everyone is more vocal about their preferences. Maybe the existing stereotypes surrounding black women may discourage other men to approach them. I think this whole intimidation issue, can be avoided if there is a mutual attraction and the race aspect is omitted. i.e. the signals each gender gives each other in order to indicate they are interested regardless of their race.


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## orchidsandviolins (Jul 8, 2011)

I would say there is probably some truth to that. 
It just isn't as common to see a white guy/black girl than it is to see a black guy/white girl. There are unflattering stereotypes that may cloud their minds about us, or some black girls may not be as open to the idea, so I could understand if non black guys are hesitant...maybe they don't want to risk getting shot down and humiliated? I can't speak for them all because I'm not a white male. Just my guess.
But if you get to know them, or at least talk to a few and if you get along well it definitely shouldn't matter and skin color definitely won't hold either of you back.
It is more about compatibility, personality, and mutual attraction. I've dated non-black guys..race was never brought up as a big deal.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

mezzoforte said:


> Lol. Not every girl wants the BBC hahaha


 LMAO :teeth


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

I go to a predominately white school too and i get that way sometimes. I feel like I'll have to wait until after I graduate to actually date because I never get approached


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> I go to a predominately white school too and i get that way sometimes. I feel like I'll have to wait until after I graduate to actually date because I never get approached


Sometimes being a minority on my campus is very lonely because people more readily decide if you are friend or possible girlfriend material just based on sterotypes.


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

Ltsax said:


> Sometimes being a minority on my campus is very lonely because people more readily decide if you are friend or possible girlfriend material just based on sterotypes.


yup! or they only want to be in a interracial relationship because they want mixed babies -_-


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> yup! or they only want to be in a interracial relationship because they want mixed babies -_-


Thats even worse. I don't want to be approached just because I am black either.


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

Ltsax said:


> Thats even worse. I don't want to be approached just because I am black either.


I know I love it when someone talks about my skin <3 lol but I don't want that to be the only reason a guy goes after me. even my dimples or my laugh would be acceptable :yes


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## st3phanie (May 18, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> I'm not sure about intimidated, but maybe they're just uninterested based on how a lot of black girls act. (ghetto)
> 
> Lol. Not every girl wants the BBC hahaha


it is exactly these kinds of stereotypes that keep one from possibly having an amazing experience with someone different. My husband and I have an interracial marriage and we are so much alike it is scary. we finish each others sentences, we have the same humor we even had alot of the same childhood experiences. We are best friends. People just stare at us, because they just can't believe we are together, because we have so much fun in each other's company. So if we believed stereotypes, we would have robbed ourselves of a an awesome relationship and that to me would be TRAGIC.


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

st3phanie said:


> it is exactly these kinds of stereotypes that keep one from possibly having an amazing experience with someone different. My husband and I have an interracial marriage and we are so much alike it is scary. we finish each others sentences, we have the same humor we even had alot of the same childhood experiences. We are best friends. People just stare at us, because they just can't believe we are together, because we have so much fun in each other's company. So if we believed stereotypes, we would have robbed ourselves of a an awesome relationship and that to me would be TRAGIC.


I CRAVE a relationship like this.:yes you are definitely blessed <3


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think this would depend on what area you are in. I'd imagine interracial dating is less common in the South. I'd also guess that having a black accent might intimidate white guys.


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## st3phanie (May 18, 2012)

oh thank you. this is my second marriage, so sometimes is takes awhile. You'll get there, just keep the faith:yes


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I think this would depend on what area you are in. I'd imagine interracial dating is less common in the South. I'd also guess that having a black accent might intimidate white guys.


I get hit on over the phone because apparently my voice is nice >.< and people think I grew up in the north somewhere.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> I CRAVE a relationship like this.:yes you are definitely blessed <3


I second that!


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## AmericanZero (Apr 17, 2012)

Well I've been too self-conscious to approach ANY women, but in my eyes ethnicity means NOTHING if I'm sexually attracted or genuinely interested.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

I personally just tend not to find black women attractive. Unless she looks like Rhianna or something. I just tend not to find their facial features attractive. It's just a preference. I messaged a grand total of one black woman on a dating site ever (She was kinda of a "melting pot" though. She had Pacific Islander ancestry I believe. And some white ancestry I think). She had a really amazing bod. lol. If I'm interested in a black woman, she isn't the type to be anymore intimidating than a white woman.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> I personally just tend not to find black women attractive. Unless she looks like Rhianna or something. I just tend not to find their facial features attractive. It's just a preference.


Well of course you wouldn't approach someone who you weren't attracted to. My question was if you would approach a black women who you were attracted to.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Personally I find it easier to approach black women than any other race (I'm a white guy), but I usually don't because I'm not as physically attracted to black girls as other girls. I don't know why, and of course there are exceptions, but in general it just aint my thing. Maybe that's why it's easier to approach, because I care less about rejection in that case.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

fetisha said:


> I think they are, and it makes me want to bleach my skin sometimes so they will approach me cause of it cause its so frustrating.


I know it's frustrating but never change yourself to get the approval of others. Embrace what makes you you (I keep telling myself that and I do feel better sometimes)


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Personally I kind of am, although my last girlfriend was "black" but she was sri lankan.. so a big different culture wise because I'm guessing you're talking about african american women and ghetto culture.. which is a huge turn off, so maybe intimidated isnt the right word.



mezzoforte said:


> I'm not sure about intimidated, but maybe they're just uninterested based on how a lot of black girls act. (ghetto)
> 
> Lol. Not every girl wants the BBC hahaha


Yeah^ pretty much a cultural thing and at BBC.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

Elad said:


> Personally I kind of am, although my last girlfriend was "black" but she was sri lankan.. so a big different culture wise because I'm guessing you're talking about african american women and ghetto culture.. which is a huge turn off, so maybe intimidated isnt the right word.
> 
> Yeah^ pretty much a cultural thing and at BBC.


Btw ghetto is not a culture lol and there a significant amount of black women who do not fit that bad stereotype. The problem is, is that those who do are often the loudest. But I do understand how girls acting this way would be a turn off.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

I also go to a predominantly White college AND it's in the south. Having social anxiety does not help any either.

I think it has alot to do with stereotypes. The first thing that comes to mind is negative stereotypes such as being loud and overly aggressive. I'm the exact opposite and it shocked a lot of people, including my roommate lol.


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

achelle92 said:


> I also go to a predominantly White college AND it's in the south. Having social anxiety does not help any either.
> 
> I think it has alot to do with stereotypes. The first thing that comes to mind is negative stereotypes such as being loud and overly aggressive. I'm the exact opposite and it shocked a lot of people, including my roommate lol.


first. twilight princess is awesome :clap you just made a new friend.lol.

and second, mine is in the south too!


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## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

Nope I approach them most of the time with no problem.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> first. twilight princess is awesome :clap you just made a new friend.lol.
> 
> and second, mine is in the south too!


Yay! :boogie


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

Ltsax said:


> Well of course you wouldn't approach someone who you weren't attracted to. *My question was if you would approach a black women who you were attracted to.*


In regards to the bolded, I would be a little intimidated to approach a black woman.

I would be less likely to approach because when I see a black woman I don't see someone who is quiet, demure, traits that I am attracted to. But rather I see a woman who is out spoken and aggressive. A woman who I might not be able to compete and keep up with.


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

I would that they are. And my hypothesis would be that it has everything to do with not wanting to try to live up to the size of the "weapons" yileded by black men(stereotypically).


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

Ansgar said:


> lol no point worrying about your penis-size before you even have gotten her clothes off!


Penis size is at the forefront of most guys minds whenever beginning a sexual relationship. Women have pressures on them by society to be skinny and in shape, men have pressures to be "big" it's just the way it goes.


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

jonmorris73 said:


> I don't mean to be funny here, but some white guys may be afraid they don't *ahem* measure up, if you know what i mean.


Pretty much this. If black men have big ones, does that mean black women have big vaginas?


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

Schizoidas said:


> Pretty much this. If black men have big ones, does that mean black women have big vaginas?


not even  some black guys have tiny ones :yes

buttttt there are some girls that would prefer not to get ripped open. *points to self*


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

David777 said:


> In regards to the bolded, I would be a little intimidated to approach a black woman.
> 
> I would be less likely to approach because when I see a black woman I don't see someone who is quiet, demure, traits that I am attracted to. But rather I see a woman who is out spoken and aggressive. A woman who I might not be able to compete and keep up with.


I surprised a lot of people at my school when they discovered I was a quiet person. Yes, there are Black women that are out-spoken and aggressive, but not all Black women are like that.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I have the biggest crush on a mulatto girl at work, but I could never talk to her normally without coming off as a retard. I'll start stuttering and mumbling every time I try to initiate conversations with her.

For example, this morning I had the perfect opportunity to "hit on" her or tell her that I like her as I was getting some coffee but I choked, and ended up asking "hey...how are you this morning?" or something along that line. Got my coffee and left. My boss was busy in another department, my co-workers were upstairs. There was no reason for me not to talk to her more than 1 minute. 

Strange thing is that I can talk normally with other girls who are equally attractive, but because I'm not interested in them I don't get nervous or anxious. With her, I just can't. Not because she's black or mulatto either, I act that way with every girl I was ever interested in. I just have no balls when it comes to approaching women for love interests.


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## GuyMontag (Dec 12, 2010)

I'm afraid to approach any women.


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## LittleBearBrah (Feb 2, 2011)

GuyMontag said:


> I'm afraid to approach any women.


This is true.


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## David777 (Feb 6, 2011)

achelle92 said:


> I surprised a lot of people at my school when they discovered I was a quiet person. Yes, there are Black women that are out-spoken and aggressive, but not all Black women are like that.


Yeah, logically I know this, but I can't deny that that is the impression I get whenever I see a black woman.

I grew up watching programs like In living color, Martin, The Wayan's Brothers, Steve Harvey, all those WB and UPN shows. Never did watch Living Single though, too much of a girl's show. heh

Anyways, yeah I grew up on those shows and they all projected the image of the "Strong black woman".

To furthur it, I grew up in a city that contained about 70% hispanic, 20% white, 5%black, 5%asian.

So even in real life I didn't have many encounters to counter my (I guess you could call 'em) first impressions.

But I do want to add that I'm not saying these things to hurt you, or anyone here.

I say that because me being Hispanic, I am aware of the many false images people have of my race, and yes it can be hurtful when they automatically believe these things when they are of course not true.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

David777 said:


> Yeah, logically I know this, but I can't deny that that is the impression I get whenever I see a black woman.
> 
> I grew up watching programs like In living color, Martin, The Wayan's Brothers, Steve Harvey, all those WB and UPN shows. Never did watch Living Single though, too much of a girl's show. heh
> 
> ...


I can understand, and the media does not help at all lol.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

achelle92 said:


> I can understand, and the media does not help at all lol.


I feel like the media goes out of their way to find the loudest and most stereotypical black women.


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

fetisha said:


> I think they are, and *it makes me want to bleach my skin* sometimes so they will approach me cause of it cause its so frustrating.


You have _got_ to be kidding me. That's pretty sad.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

Ltsax said:


> I feel like the media goes out of their way to find the loudest and most stereotypical black women.


Bad Girls Club?


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

my fear is a black women would be more likely to hit me upside the head with a frying pan if I ever said anything wrong to her. :hide


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

I am black and have been approached by a white man* and an Asian man*. So according to my personal experience it's possible men of other races will approach black women. They just have to be open minded and realize all black women don't conform to the "hot ghetto mess" stereotype.

To tell the truth I come across aggressive-looking and -acting black women every day and I feel like they ruin it for people like me. It's crazy but there are days when I wish I was born an Asian woman or a white woman so I'd have more chances of finding someone.

* They were both old enough to be my father so obviously I had to turn them down.


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## LordScott (Apr 9, 2012)

kind of.. some black girls are really cute. but they are always surrounded by their over protection mother and father (oh wait scratch that, minus the father)


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

LordScott said:


> kind of.. some black girls are really cute. but they are always surrounded by their over protection mother and father (oh wait scratch that, minus the father)


my mom! I told her after she met my first boyfriend (he lasted a month after) that she wasn't going to meet anybody else until i'm engaged. and i'm serious about it :-l


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

Black And Mild said:


> You have _got_ to be kidding me. That's pretty sad.


I can understand where she's coming from though. at a predominately white school, you have a lot of caucasian friends. and most of them get approached all the time. sometimes when they look like crap. so when that happens to me I always think "what is wrong with me? what do they have that I don't? why do they get attention and I can barely get a glance?" and the only big difference is my skin color. so at times I wish that my skin was as pale as my friends, too. then maybe someone like me could get a real chance at a relationship at a school like mine.

-and then I realize my skin is smooth, clear, soft, and it looks like caramel. So every guy that doesn't give me a chance is missing out! lol :b


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

anomalous said:


> As a white guy -- and particularly as one who's VERY white, so to speak (nerdy, awkward, not athletic) -- I definitely get the feeling most black women would not be interested. I mean, I get the feeling most women in general have a preference against this type of guy, but I suppose with black women it somehow feels even more pronounced because guys _of their own race_ are stereotyped as being macho alphas.


Are you implying that only white people can be smart and people of other races are stupid? Isn't this mentality, a little... you know... RACIST!?


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

I remember back when I was a virgin and horny as hell I emailed a most ghetto looking black female on a dating site thinking this was my shot at getting laid :lol. I think she even had some gold teeth. Don't read on if you're under age: I asked her if she took it in the "other" hole. She told me no, "only in the cat, up the gut." lol I sent her my picture and she giggled and said she don't date white guys! I'm half white half Greek God looking beast by the way. Anyways, she was hot though. But she was also ghetto, and she turned me down .


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I've dated black gals before, but it's not something I do regularly just because there aren't a lot of black gals that have the personality I'm looking for. I'm about as stereotypically "white" as you can get, so if they're hiphoppy or "ghetto" in the slightest, I'll pretty much have nothing in common with them.


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## Brandeezy (Dec 23, 2009)

For me im afraid to ask non black women out because im black and their family will look down on them for dating me


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Brandeezy said:


> For me im afraid to ask non black women out because im black and their family will look down on them for dating me


If you're a respectable guy, then you should date women regardless of how you fear their family might react. Even if the girl has an incredibly racist father, you should be proud of who you are and make him respect you based on how you present yourself. I think the reason families look down on their children in interracial relationships isn't because of the race itself but because they fear that their child is attracted to the stereotypes of that race. For example, her family might think she's attracted to you because you're a "gangsta" or something. If that's not how you act, then you have nothing to fear .


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

jonmorris73 said:


> I don't mean to be funny here, but some white guys may be afraid they don't *ahem* measure up, if you know what i mean.


:spit
ong ahahaha this literally made me lol...


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

http://melissaharrisperry.com/
That's what my ideal black woman would look like and act like. Or make that any woman. Although I think she may be half white half black. I think she is very attractive.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> I can understand where she's coming from though. at a predominately white school, you have a lot of caucasian friends. and most of them get approached all the time. sometimes when they look like crap. so when that happens to me I always think "what is wrong with me? what do they have that I don't? why do they get attention and I can barely get a glance?" and the only big difference is my skin color. so at times I wish that my skin was as pale as my friends, too. then maybe someone like me could get a real chance at a relationship at a school like mine.
> 
> -and then I realize my skin is smooth, clear, soft, and it looks like caramel. So every guy that doesn't give me a is missing out! lol :b


I know how you feel. I'm the only single one out of all of my friends at school. When they start talking about relationships and dates I feel left out.

I've never wanted to bleach my skin or anything, but I just wish it wasn't so hard to date :/


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## Com1 (May 27, 2012)

I think black women are pretty hot, but I think just about everyone is pretty hot as long as they have boobs. Not even particularly big ones, as long as I know they're there.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Ltsax said:


> I am a young black female who has never been in any sort of real relationship. Since I go to a predominately white university, and is extremely introverted, I feel as if my chances of being approached by a guy has significantly decreased. However, when I joined an online dating site, I was contacted by a mix of white and black men. The only difference was that the white guys who contacted me asked me if I was interested in white men. I thought that was a weird question to ask, especially in 2012. I would think that by now, people who not care so much about interracial dating. Then I got to thinking. Is it possible that white guys automatically assume that black women will not be interested in them? Is this true or I am just making this up? Also, would you ever approach someone of a different ethnicity as you? I really don't care if someone is black,white, asian etc. as long as I have a good connection with them. Thanks in advance.


 Are you the girl who was working at the box office at Dartmouth? I love you. Will you marry me??


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

achelle92 said:


> I know how you feel. I'm the only single one out of all of my friends at school. When they start talking about relationships and dates I feel left out.
> 
> I've never wanted to bleach my skin or anything, but I just wish it wasn't so hard to date :/


definitely. every time one talks about her boyfriend, the others pitch in and talk about theirs and inside i'm like this

:um:bah:rain:bash:twak:cry all at the same time.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

Kaylee23 said:


> definitely. every time one talks about her boyfriend, the others pitch in and talk about theirs and inside i'm like this
> 
> :um:bah:rain:bash:twak:cry all at the same time.


I can't believe more guys don't approach you. You look really cute.


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

I like talking to black women haha. They dont seem as *****y as white *****es.


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## Kaylee23 (Sep 5, 2011)

BobbyByThePound said:


> I can't believe more guys don't approach you. You look really cute.


thank you! :blush



King Moonracer said:


> I like talking to black women haha. They dont seem as *****y as white *****es.


LOL I almost choked on an olive. :spit


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

I think the images we see in the media plays a much bigger role in shaping our opinions of others and ourselves, then most care to realize. A lot of the responses in this thread come from preconceived notions based on what is seen in tv and movies, rather then actual experiences in dealing with black women or minorities in general.


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## kismetie (May 20, 2012)

I've never been in any kind of relationship. But I could care less about what ethnicity someone was. If you are hot, then you are hot. Now if only I could work up the courage to actually talk to someone I was attracted to >.< THEN I could give so.me better feedback


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

kismetie said:


> I've never been in any kind of relationship. But I could care less about what ethnicity someone was. If you are hot, then you are hot. Now if only I could work up the courage to actually talk to someone I was attracted to >.< THEN I could give so.me better feedback


When I like someone who happens to be another ethnicity, the fear of automatic rejection because of my ethnicity adds to my anxiety. So I almost never speak to guys I like


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

From experience in online dating I get more messages from black guys. If I want to exchange messages with a non black guy I have to initiate. The assumption is that black women are only attracted to black men only by default. I think whites guys can be interested, but you have to initiate. I don't get approached by non-black men in person. Blacks have approached me more. Non-whites are more likly to meesages me on the online dating site in on. I think about the opposite that a white guy might think about, that a white guy wouldn't like me because he only finds white (or non-black women) attractive. Even online I'm a little wary rejection sucks, even if it is something I can't help. 

Black men on more likely than black women to be in interracial relationships and white guys are more likely to date non-black women if they are going to have interracial relationships. I read about this in my Human Development and Comtemporary Families class. 

Even in 2012 stereotypes are still believed. Sometimes I worry that some of the guys I'll date actually believe 'em, despite dating and knowing a black woman. 

I think it's hard for people to love, appreciate, and find beauty in each other's differences if we don't grow up in diverse communities, or if everything that's different is seen as negative. I'm open to all races. Anyone of any shade can be equally as beautiful as the other.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

jonmorris73 said:


> I don't mean to be funny here, but some white guys may be afraid they don't *ahem* measure up, if you know what i mean.


So many stereotypes. We need to have like a national meeting or something.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

Ltsax said:


> When I like someone who happens to be another ethnicity, the fear of automatic rejection because of my ethnicity adds to my anxiety. So I almost never speak to guys I like


I feel like that as well. I'm afraid of being ignored/rejected due to my race too.


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

Blue Bird said:


> From experience in online dating I get more messages from black guys. If I want to exchange messages with a non black guy I have to initiate. The assumption is that black women are only attracted to black men only by default. I think whites guys can be interested, but you have to initiate. I don't get approached by non-black men in person. Blacks have approached me more. Non-whites are more likly to meesages me on the online dating site in on. I think about the opposite that a white guy might think about, that a white guy wouldn't like me because he only finds white (or non-black women) attractive. Even online I'm a little wary rejection sucks, even if it is something I can't help.


I have the same experience. I've given up on online dating because the black guys I've gotten messages from had photos of themselves looking like thugs and their profiles were riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. I value education and self-respect so those guys are out.

I can't get over my inferiority complex. My impression is that the vast majority of non-white men don't see black women as girlfriend/wife material and think that those with fairer skin are more feminine and pretty. On this forum I've not seen anyone say they actually would prefer to date a black woman.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

jmoop said:


> I have the same experience. I've given up on online dating because the black guys I've gotten messages from had photos of themselves looking like thugs and their profiles were riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. I value education and self-respect so those guys are out.
> 
> I can't get over my inferiority complex. *My impression is that the vast majority of non-white men don't see black women as girlfriend/wife material and think that those with fairer skin are more feminine and pretty. On this forum I've not seen anyone say they actually would prefer to date a black woman.*


Your impression is accurate. But you can't blame them really. You know how most black women act...Not every guy is like that though. Just show that you're not ghetto xD. And yeah, some guys just aren't into black features, but **** them. Also, not every black guy is thug-like and uneducated, so don't give up on them either lol. You'll find someone.


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## kismetie (May 20, 2012)

Ltsax said:


> When I like someone who happens to be another ethnicity, the fear of automatic rejection because of my ethnicity adds to my anxiety. So I almost never speak to guys I like


I think I use to fear the same thing, but then it got to the point where almost every guy I had a crush on was outside of my ethnic background. At first I use to think, what if they don't like me because "this" or "that" because of the stereotypes my ethnicity has. But then I had to realize if the guy I liked was willingly to just simply think I'm one way because of a stereotype then I was better off without him anyway. I don't want to get involved with someone who is already holding something against me before they even get to know me because of my ethnicity. I don't see color when I am attracted to a guy. Just flattering features  and I'd like it to be the same way for me too.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

kismetie said:


> I think I use to fear the same thing, but then it got to the point where almost every guy I had a crush on was outside of my ethnic background. At first I use to think, what if they don't like me because "this" or "that" because of the stereotypes my ethnicity has. But then I had to realize if the guy I liked was willingly to just simply think I'm one way because of a stereotype then I was better off without him anyway. I don't want to get involved with someone who is already holding something against me before they even get to know me because of my ethnicity. I don't see color when I am attracted to a guy. Just flattering features  and I'd like it to be the same way for me too.


That is an excellent point. Thanks for the advice.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

I rarely see black women with anyone but a black man. I don't see that many interracial couples even though you would think it is common place with how accepting people are these days. Maybe it is just the familiarity of dating your own ethnicity or race. 

Plus no black woman has shown an interest in me or given me any signs. So you are right, I am more hesitant to approach black girls because I don't know if they would be interested at all.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

Racial Barriers like this still exist because of bigots and racists. :um

Personally, I don't see any difference. :um
Woman is a woman.
Unless it's Bangkok then potential LADYYYYBOYYYSSSSSSSSSS :um


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

mezzoforte said:


> Your impression is accurate. But you can't blame them really. You know how most black women act...Not every guy is like that though. Just show that you're not ghetto xD. And yeah, some guys just aren't into black features, but **** them. Also, not every black guy is thug-like and uneducated, so don't give up on them either lol. You'll find someone.


For many people the only image they have of black people is what they see on tv, and that is VERy inaccurate. Generally the diversity of people of color in the media is very low. So the features people see and learn to value are very limited. Think Rhiana, as one poster mention, and not Gabby Sibede. I could go on and on....


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

EastWinds said:


> I think the images we see in the media plays a much bigger role in shaping our opinions of others and ourselves, then most care to realize. A lot of the responses in this thread come from preconceived notions based on what is seen in tv and movies, rather then actual experiences in dealing with black women or minorities in general.


Exactly.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

kismetie said:


> I think I use to fear the same thing, but then it got to the point where almost every guy I had a crush on was outside of my ethnic background. At first I use to think, what if they don't like me because "this" or "that" because of the stereotypes my ethnicity has. But then I had to realize if the guy I liked was willingly to just simply think I'm one way because of a stereotype then I was better off without him anyway. I don't want to get involved with someone who is already holding something against me before they even get to know me because of my ethnicity. I don't see color when I am attracted to a guy. Just flattering features  and I'd like it to be the same way for me too.


You're right. I would not want to be involved with someone like that either.


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## mikethemike (Jun 10, 2012)

I'd never overlook a woman based solely on skin color or ethnicity.
The biggest barrier i've found to an interracial relationship tends to be either culture clash, peer disapproval or parental horror/pressure (THEIR parents that is, funnily enough small towns in NZ seem to breed racial tolerance so my parents are very accepting).

pakistani GF refused to introduce me to her parents because they were wealthy muslims, chinese GF's parents thought i was a predatory loser euro guy trying to steal their daughter away from them etc etc

The girl i'm currently *fixated* on is either polynesian or asian or a combination of the 2 (she's mormon so i'm leaning toward polynesian)
she's a darker skinned, asiatic version of olivia wilde.
she used to work at one of the places i contracted at and started saying hello to me about a year and a bit ago, i painfully worked my way up to small talk but i still can't quite ask her out to dinner because i freak out everytime she talks to me.

anyway my point was, race/skin colour is no biggie (sometimes it's a bonus!) but having her parents treat you like a leper because of THEIR racial/cultural stereotypes can give you pause.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Ltsax said:


> I am a young black female who has never been in any sort of real relationship. Since I go to a predominately white university, and is extremely introverted, I feel as if my chances of being approached by a guy has significantly decreased. However, when I joined an online dating site, I was contacted by a mix of white and black men. The only difference was that the white guys who contacted me asked me if I was interested in white men. I thought that was a weird question to ask, especially in 2012. I would think that by now, people who not care so much about interracial dating. Then I got to thinking. Is it possible that white guys automatically assume that black women will not be interested in them? Is this true or I am just making this up? Also, would you ever approach someone of a different ethnicity as you? I really don't care if someone is black,white, asian etc. as long as I have a good connection with them. Thanks in advance.


Im in the exact same situation. I go to a predominantly white uni too and I experience the same thing. I like white guys and all races, but they do assume that im not interested in them. but actually, I am. I love the white chocolate..LOL. I just wish they wouldnt assume black girls arent interested, because most of us are.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

kismetie said:


> I think I use to fear the same thing, but then it got to the point where almost every guy I had a crush on was outside of my ethnic background. At first I use to think, what if they don't like me because "this" or "that" because of the stereotypes my ethnicity has. But then I had to realize if the guy I liked was willingly to just simply think I'm one way because of a stereotype then I was better off without him anyway. I don't want to get involved with someone who is already holding something against me before they even get to know me because of my ethnicity. I don't see color when I am attracted to a guy. Just flattering features  and I'd like it to be the same way for me too.


Likewise!! I dont see color either when Im attracted to a guy. I just see features too! I totally understand where u are coming from.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Rainbat said:


> I've dated black gals before, but it's not something I do regularly just because there aren't a lot of black gals that have the personality I'm looking for. I'm about as stereotypically "white" as you can get, so if they're hiphoppy or "ghetto" in the slightest, I'll pretty much have nothing in common with them.


I think this is another issue. A lot of white guys assume that because Im black, I am suppose to be "loud, ghetto, mean, etc", but Im totally the opposite. That could be a reason why some white guys dont approach black women. But not all of us carry that attitude, most of us are nice, friendly women.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Schizoidas said:


> Pretty much this. If black men have big ones, does that mean black women have big vaginas?


LMAO!! A lot of people assume this! I will say that this does not apply to me and Im not one to care for the "big ones". I just dont thinks its that important.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I am not attracted to too many black women, but if I was then I would approach because approach anxiety is approach anxiety no matter who you're looking at.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I usually prefer White/Hispanic women, but every once and a while I see a black girl that I think is pretty hot. It doesn't matter what her race is, I am intimidated to approach any woman with the intent of asking her out.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

I would never approach a black girl, I'm attracted to them but the chances of her being into white guys are pretty low so I wouldn't bother


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## Matt g (Oct 14, 2009)

Blacks girls are definitely attractive. I find their bodies very attractive especially. The ones I go to school with mostly all of them are in great shape. I am definitely hesitant to approach because most seem to have boyfriends that are black, so they would probably would have to do the approaching which I sadly don't think will happen. I have one semester left.


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## bitoqueen (Feb 18, 2011)

Ltsax said:


> I am a young black female who has never been in any sort of real relationship. Since I go to a predominately white university, and is extremely introverted, I feel as if my chances of being approached by a guy has significantly decreased. However, when I joined an online dating site, I was contacted by a mix of white and black men. The only difference was that the white guys who contacted me asked me if I was interested in white men. I thought that was a weird question to ask, especially in 2012. I would think that by now, people who not care so much about interracial dating. Then I got to thinking. Is it possible that white guys automatically assume that black women will not be interested in them? Is this true or I am just making this up? Also, would you ever approach someone of a different ethnicity as you? I really don't care if someone is black,white, asian etc. as long as I have a good connection with them. Thanks in advance.


I'm also a black female who likes well, prodominantly white guys too.. but they tend to be the shy skinny white guys, but I have never been approached by any of them and it really hurts because I really really do want to be in relationship with them but from my past expierences from trying to confront guys I've just tended to wait. I try so hard to forget about them but I cannot help but get attracted it makes me cry sometimes because I just can't control myself when I see one I like knowing that they will never try to get to know me.


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## Panthera (Jun 14, 2012)

Honestly I think it's the presumption that Black girls are not attracted to White guys that drive it more than intimidation.

I'm just too chicken **** to approach any guy. Let alone pick out a White guy as a target :/


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I wouldn't date outside my subspecies, race, population whatever you want to call it, personally.


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## fetisha (Jan 13, 2012)

NatureFellow said:


> Racial Barriers like this still exist because of bigots and racists. :um
> 
> Personally, I don't see any difference. :um
> Woman is a woman.
> Unless it's Bangkok then potential LADYYYYBOYYYSSSSSSSSSS :um


I agree


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Ltsax said:


> When I like someone who happens to be another ethnicity, the fear of automatic rejection because of my ethnicity adds to my anxiety. So I almost never speak to guys I like


THIS


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## jgentle (May 23, 2012)

white, black, boys, girls, ladyboys..i just love them all lol


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

VivaEmptinessRoses said:


> THIS


^ this too, except with females. it's a combination of my ethnicity and also because i feel like no one would like me so i use my ethnicity as an excuse as well.


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## Anonymous NYC (Apr 14, 2012)

I think black women are just as attractive as any other women. I'm more hesitant to approach them because I'm afraid I won't measure up. Also it seems like alot of them have a preference for thuggish looking guys and *******s. And of course my social anxiety doesn't help so my chances are just slimmer.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

If you're hawt, sjure.


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## achelle92 (Feb 27, 2012)

Anonymous NYC said:


> I think black women are just as attractive as any other women. I'm more hesitant to approach them because I'm afraid I won't measure up. Also it seems like alot of them have a preference for thuggish looking guys and *******s. And of course my social anxiety doesn't help so my chances are just slimmer.


I don't understand why girls go for guys like that. Thuggish guys get on my nerves.


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## AustinAnxiety (Jun 21, 2012)

achelle92 said:


> I don't understand why girls go for guys like that. Thuggish guys get on my nerves.[/ I know what you mean.. I see a ton of these hot women that are dating these PUNK guys who think they are all that... To get back to the main topic.. I do find black women extremely attractive... But... Having social anxiety just keeps me away from approaching them.. I have had many people (mostly friends) ask me why I haven't started dating again.. A lot of people have told me that I'm good looking... And they want to help me "find someone" I just kind of say Yep.. Maybe later...


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## fetisha (Jan 13, 2012)

low said:


> I wouldn't date outside my subspecies, race, population whatever you want to call it, personally.


comments like this make me not want to live on this planet anymore


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Yeah I find it little more difficult to talk to girls of other ethicities/races, especially black women. Of course this only goes for "online", since there are no black people where I live - maybe a part of the reason why I would feel more intimidated by them.

When it comes to attraction, race doesn't play any role for me, I've been attracted to girls of all ethnic backgrounds, including black women.


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## Nipple (Jul 3, 2012)

In my case it's not that i'm intimidated but i very rarely feel them attractive


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## juizdelinha (May 23, 2012)

low said:


> I wouldn't date outside my subspecies, race, population whatever you want to call it, personally.


x2
I rarely find non-southern european women attractive.


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## BrookeHannigan (Mar 29, 2012)

Maybe..it all depends on the person,
Though I once was in amsterdam and black woman - white man didnt seem uncommon...it all depends, what I notice though that for example in my country(somewhere in europa~) where like 99% or even more haha is white,
men are more often open to interacial dating than women,
I am in a interacial relationship myself now, my boyfriend is from aghanistan.
I usually am mainly attracted to guys from that area afghanistan/iran/lebanon and such dont know why,
I also lived in lebanon and japan for a while, and I fooled around(like making out/hugging etc not...sleeping with them) there quite a lot cause the guys there where so hot!(mainly in lebanon japan was..so-so but still quite few hotties..)
but hey if they are attractive I could care less about their background.
but, I am rarely attracted to the men from my own country :/ I dont know its just something in their faces...regardless ive seen a few hotties as well but id say 90% of the men here doesnt appeal me a bit.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

fetisha said:


> comments like this make me not want to live on this planet anymore


I think that's an overreaction. We've been overly-sensitized to the issues of race and ethnicity in recent decades. They're legitimate issues where public policy is concerned (e.g., if an employer said "I wouldn't hire outside my own race," that would be a big deal). But where personal preferences, especially sexual, are concerned, I don't see what makes this preference any "worse" than others.

I'm a man of below-average height, and I regularly see women on SAS post that they prefer only dating tall men. To me, there's no fundamental difference between that and what low posted. In other words, I have as much reason to be "offended" by that statement as you do by his.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

Hmm I am not intimidated by them per say. However anybody who uses very in your face body language and over exaggerated hand movements/facial expressions to express themselves puts me off. From my personal experience it seems to be black females use this more than white or asians.... of course this isn't fact or a balanced statement, just from my personal experience. So if you are like this, then yes I would be put off but I would be put off by anyone who does these kinds of things.

A good example of this type of person is shyvione on the UK big brother at the moment, she is a perfect example of someone using their body and face to express themselves excessively. I find it incredibly annoying and off putting.

So now that none of that has anything to do with black girls being intimidating but being on topic enough to mention, I do not get intimidated by black girls and would not be put off approaching them simply from this.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

The title of this thread makes me laugh a bit.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

For some reason I see black people arguing loudly or just being really loud and rude with their friends/family more in public than whites or asians.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

komorikun said:


> For some reason I see black people arguing loudly or just being really loud and rude with their friends/family more in public than whites or asians. Yikes.


What does that have to do with the thread? Look around, you'll find loud and rude people of all ethnicities.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lyric555 said:


> What does that have to do with the thread? Look around, you'll find loud and rude people of all ethnicities.


True, I see fighting/rudeness with other people a lot just not with their own friends/family in public. Guess nothing much to do with the thread.


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## Jearld8989 (Jan 15, 2011)

I know I don't discriminate based on race, or ethnicity. I've had serious relationships with a Colombian girl, and a very dark skinned middle eastern girl. I actually went out on a date once with a black girl from London. I prefer interracial dating myself. I can't speak for white men in general, but I know many like minded white men, who are open to dating women of all races. In my experience these relationships do cause a lot of jealousy/negative judgement from ignorant people still to this day.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Jearld8989 said:


> I know I don't discriminate based on race, or ethnicity. I've had serious relationships with a Colombian girl, and a very dark skinned middle eastern girl. I actually went out on a date once with a black girl from London. I prefer interracial dating myself. I can't speak for white men in general, but I know many like minded white men, who are open to dating women of all races. In my experience these relationships do cause a lot of jealousy/negative judgement from ignorant people still to this day.


Uhm. Yas.


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## Lemon Juice (Dec 26, 2012)

I can understand if a person relies on stereotypes if they have little to no experience with another race. However, once I have proven myself NOT to be insane or ghetto or aggressive or animalistically sexual why then do people not adjust their perspective. How long should it take a person to prove themselves.


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## Lemon Juice (Dec 26, 2012)

mikethemike said:


> I'd never overlook a woman based solely on skin color or ethnicity.
> The biggest barrier i've found to an interracial relationship tends to be either culture clash, peer disapproval or parental horror/pressure (THEIR parents that is, funnily enough small towns in NZ seem to breed racial tolerance so my parents are very accepting).
> 
> pakistani GF refused to introduce me to her parents because they were wealthy muslims, chinese GF's parents thought i was a predatory loser euro guy trying to steal their daughter away from them etc etc
> ...


NZ made me believe the whole world was horrible! Gawd people would follow me and say horrible racist ****. White Kiwi men would try to 'flirt' using racism. People stared the list goes on.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

hopefully more people will get along cross-culturally... dating or otherwise..


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

I am not intimidated by the fact that she is black. I am intimidated by the fact that she is a woman.


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

komorikun said:


> True, I see fighting/rudeness with other people a lot just not with their own friends/family in public. Guess nothing much to do with the thread.


Does it register in your mind how ignorant you sound in some of your posts?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lonesomeboy said:


> Does it register in your mind how ignorant you sound in some of your posts?


Why are you quoting me from 6 months ago? Seriously, you need to get over this weird vendetta you have against me all because I compared Japanese to Chinese once.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Why are you quoting me from 6 months ago? Seriously, you need to get over this weird vendetta you have against me all because I compared Japanese to Chinese once.


LOL. To be fair they are similar in some regards - but how on earth has this turned to a grudge is a better question to be asking. :teeth


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Why are you quoting me from 6 months ago? Seriously, you need to get over this weird vendetta you have against me all because I compared Japanese to Chinese once.


Not a vendetta, just constantly encounter your posts every so often and it usually a statement that involves a lot of ignorance and stereotyping whether its Asians, Indians and now it seems Blacks. Its not only occurred once but quite a few times, and its not just myself that have noticed this. Not sure what you're deal is. I don't think you're trying to be purposely offensive or show malice, but maybe its just plain ignorance or lack of understanding.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lonesomeboy said:


> Not a vendetta, just constantly encounter your posts every so often and it usually a statement that involves a lot of ignorance and stereotyping whether its Asians, Indians and now it seems Blacks. Its not only occurred once but quite a few times, and its not just myself that have noticed this. Not sure what you're deal is. I don't think you're trying to be purposely offensive or show malice, but maybe its just plain ignorance or lack of understanding.


I'm sorry if I'm not PC. I do like to group people into types and sometimes I notice trends. So yes, I am guilty of stereotyping to some degree but I do realize that each person is unique.

Did I say something that awful about Asians? The only thing I remember saying is that I see many Chinese cheating (I have seen more since then by the way) at my university and that Japanese guys have bigger weiners than Chinese guys. You seemed to be particularly offended by the weiner comment and sent me several PMs about it.

And who else noticed this? KnownParallel?

I also say stuff about Americans and white guys too:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f32/america-is-weird-223703/


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Aww someone feels inadequate. :lol

Hey komorikun, i see relevance in your comment if that means anything. Whether or not black people being loud and having attitudes is a stereotype or not, it's still observed quite a bit from other races. So indeed that is totally relevant to people either being "intimidated" or simply turned off by it like i am.


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## anxious dreamer (Dec 23, 2012)

These threads are annoying. Black women are obviously undesirable to most men. We get it.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, this thread should be closed.


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## billeh (Mar 28, 2007)

I'll approach a woman of any color. I don't see why I should potentially miss out on finding an amazing woman based on skin color.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

lonesomeboy said:


> Not a vendetta, just constantly encounter your posts every so often and it usually a statement that involves a lot of ignorance and stereotyping whether its Asians, Indians and now it seems Blacks. Its not only occurred once but quite a few times, and its not just myself that have noticed this. Not sure what you're deal is. I don't think you're trying to be purposely offensive or show malice, but maybe its just plain ignorance or lack of understanding.


I don't usually like to call people out but I've noticed this too.


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## DiceMan (Mar 26, 2012)

Mmmmm .... love some dark chocolate.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

DiceMan said:


> Mmmmm .... love some dark chocolate.


Do tell.


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