# Life unraveling... glad I found this



## jttysing (Apr 18, 2009)

I'm 25 years old and have just been accepted to a graduate program for mental health counseling in Boston. My life has been somewhat manageable up till now, insofar as I've been able to put on a mask - to others; saving my anxious melt-downs for private bathroom stalls and the quietitude of my apartment. This has been all fine and good but lately things have been slipping.... 

Despite making good grades in undergrad., and having completed clinical internships and undergrad. research I find myself lonelier than ever. I've begun withdrawing from class and social situations, have developed a phobia of speaking in public, and am consumed by tormenting thoughts at least 85% of my day. Furthermore, I've resigned myself to an isolated existence and have but a hand full of friends that are dwindling by the day.

I feel divided... as if everything I've ever worked toward, and cared about, specifically psychotherapy, is somehow drifting further from my reach. And this feels ironic too. How can I be an effective counselor when I can't even cope with my own tangled, mixed up self? 

I recently sought out CBT, hoping for change before I leave for grad school. I've read several books by Albert Ellis and am familiar with the type of therapy involved... but am kind of uncertain about the outcome. Has anyone had any luck with this? And if so, how long does it usually take to see some improvement?


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

My life seems to be unravelling lately, too. I want to be a counsellor as well so I understand how you could be questioning being an effective counsellor when your own life isn't together. 

I think that you have to change all the withdrawing. Take it from the best withdrawer in the world. Currently, I have shut myself off from everyone. It does not help a thing. 

I think that it's important to change your thoughts and I was doing that this year. I told myself that I am just as normal as everyone else and deserve to have the same chances in life as everyone else. 

I used to say the most negative thoughts to myself. "I'm a loser" "I'm ugly" CBT takes alot of practice. According to my counsellor, I'm supposed to think of at least one positive thing about myself every single day and write it down. 

Think positive things about yourself. I did awesome on that test, I am so proud. 
Look how nice my hair looks today. I'm really proud of myself that I managed to go to that hockey game with my niece despite the anxiety that I felt. Any and all of these do work. They are my own personal favourite ones and I have used them. Good Luck! 

Meds are not the right choice for me, but they could help you if you are having a really difficult time.


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