# Crazy Talk



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious asked if she needed to start a discussion about taxidermy to get some attention around here. Well, the thought of stuffed animals isn't really my thing, but crazy talk is.

Have you ever heard people say "that's just crazy talk?"

Well, keeping it clean from potty humor, racism, politics, religion and beheading...........go for it


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

In the interest of humanity, humanity will be suspended until further notice.

Kumquats are the pox of humanity


I spy a bugger in my eye


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I eat spongecake, therefore I am

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again.

Ok first of all. Did they honestly think a horse had the thumbs to use a glue stick?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

picture a kumquat
small
insecure
hoping to find love in the jello bowl


what do you get if you cross a water buffalo and a tiny yellow bubble??






seriously

i dont know


i was hoping you would



picture a man
licking and envelope

youve entered



the TWILIGHT ZONE!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

the opposite of busy is


ysub


im sorry
im ysub


oh

thats ok

im ysub too

is that painful???

yes

im going to have it removed



nananathriller!!!! ninuna!!!nnakkannninnannnnanna nnaanathriller!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea
my body lies over the ocean
so bring back my body to me


huh?


peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked

i just said that!!!

geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i dont see cantaloupes winning the war.


crunchy is our friend



no more saltines!!!

no more saltines!!!!

geesh!!!

radicals!!!!



wow!!!! ive entered a worm hole!!!!

i was writing on the crazy thread and suddenly i was transported here.........another thread called no subject





let me text a few friends

ldfjoejrojeknn eioreojrwr oiwjrpwjrnf owerjej!! kl odifjaoej er enoifaoiejreothhththa eoiureoorpqwr soioere

they said yea


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

beam me up scotboy! my toupee has fleas and it needs a bath!!


dust bunnies talked to me

they told me stories about vacuum cleaners

scary stories


one time a vacuum cleaner ate a whole family of dust bunnies at one time!!!!

it was mass murder


when you yawn do you breath in or out?

i cant remember


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i had a bunny

her name was dust bunny


for real




open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap

open shut them
open shut them
put them in your lap

creep them
creep them
creep them
creep them
right up to your chin

open up your little mouth
but do not let them in

no wonder kids are terrifed of storytime


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

people think lemons are bad
i beg to differ


its the cantaloupes that are ruining the world




pickles in the morning
olives for the night
lavender smells pretty
on truckers who merge right



this just in


the color red has been changed due to the economy shortages

it will now be considered blue


news at 11


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

so what IS tofu?

is it something we find between our toes?



i started to realize something but i got caught up in all the realization and realized it was useless to realize the realization. REALLY!


I'm randomly random in a random sort of way


nanananana

nanannan

nanananana


nananananana

OLE!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i love you
you love me
were a happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you
wont you say 
you love me too

oh wait!! gotta barf! hold that thought


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i got asparagus tips!!!! and liver!!! 


1 + 1 = 485920202393575757 in an alternate universe


flaming flamingo tips batman!!!



do you ever listen closely to wash boards? they gossip about the ironing board.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

primal scream therapy IS fun!!


i thought i was until i realized i was only thinking i was in a strange and unreliable moment of my wasness 


does anybody need a bus schedule to munchkinland?



captain!!!!!!!!

i spot a klingon war bird headed in our direction!!!!!!


quick sulu!!!!!!

get the big patio window out and ready


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

spock!!!!
did you get those ears checked for airspace clearance yet???




uhura!!
get that stick out your ear already!!

its just downright nasty looking!

somebody!

get uhura a baby wipe to clean that thing off!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

chekov!!!!

quick!!

loan me your toupee! 

mine doesnt have an accent!



expendable ensign number 2 in red shirt!!!

the commercials coming!!

die quickly!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

sir!!!!!

its babylon 5!!!!!

torpedos ready!!!!




holy moley!!!!!!
i dropped the toe smell atomizer cream!!!!



captain!!! there are munchkins armed with jello molds off the starboard bow!! orders captain???!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

load the full ton torpedoes!

should we fire captain??


wait for it
wait for it

fire!!!!

pffwwererrwatfffssssssmmmmmna..................


sir the torpedoes didnt fire


oh wait!! on screen!

bill cosby appears 

he says

i asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook

ok ok!!! 


i give up

the jello mold wins!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

ball point pens sneeze blue snot


why oh why cant we all lick an envelope???



hotdogs have no life 

its so sad




much is the conundrum of discontent

but i digress


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

auntie em!! auntie em!!!!

where is uncle oh? where is uncle oh?




oh what i would give for a slice of cheese whiz


cant SOMEBODY get that text message????!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

this just in

a satellite reported that a man picking his nose can be seen from outer space



lets juggle machetes and see what happens!! 



Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
Gay your life must be

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum drops he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
Leave some there for me

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Counting all the monkeys he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
That's not a monkey that's me

Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be 



is it just me or does this rodent seem to have issues????


im melting
im melting

quick!!

get the flying monkeys to get a straw and a napkin!!!

i must go pick the lint from between my toes 


its a dirty job but somebody has to do it


i mean


since the toe lint elves went on strike



i miss the elves 


wait!!!

do you hear it???

the nasal rattle of tens of thousands of people with colds

wormhole suckage commence!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i seem to have lost my presence of mind


let me go get my metal detector



if you hold a cats tail does its head wag?


i totally did not know there was 500 lbs of powder in my back seat officer!!!



what is blue
has racing stripes
and sings show tunes?



believe me

you dont wanna know


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

That's just crazy talk. 

Ok, others................... go!


And don't get this thread removed!!! 


Crazy has limits!


(btw, that stuff I posted was from my other crazy talk thread on another forum. I'm quick, but not that quick. Unfortunately though, it did come from my brain)


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

once again i am offended by my own offensiveness


let me go offend myself for my offense



ranch dressing tastes like horses

cool ranch dressing tastes like horses with raybans


kumquats hate lucy ricardo
its true!!!!

i read it in the enquirer


a bucket of snot…..

what goes with red wine?

correct!!!! for 600 points



ive dined with klingons

ive tried to slow the rotation of the earth before

i failed


your reading skills scored a C-

better luck next time

i went to the grocery

they were all out of money

damn!!!

red hot chili peppers

what is a colon cleanse?

correct! for 300 points!


you know those olives that have been watching me???

one of them snuck outta the jar last night and climbed onto my pillow. 

i opened my eyes and there it was breathing its pimento breath all over me

i screamed!!!!! 

it got so scared it fell off the pillow and rolled under the bed.

but that was even scarier because NOW IT WAS UNDER MY BED!!!!!

so i called 911 and told them i had a stalker under my bed.

the cops busted in my door with guns ready.

i said ITS UNDER MY BED!!!!! 

they started shooting 20s 40s M80s

they got it

right in the pimento

i have its remains mounted on my mantel

reality is not what its cracked up to be


pirates ate my watermelon

i think it was over ripe

they said arrrggg

telescopes have feelings too

i suppose when life gives you lemons you make lemonade

how about if i just suck the lemon juice out and throw the rinds at people


that would fun



and positive


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)




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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Is it allowed for people not called 'chantellabella' to mingle in this thread?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Is it allowed for people not called 'chantellabella' to mingle in this thread?


Totally. 

I was beginning to think I was the only crazy person on this site

NOT!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Monotony said:


>


LOL!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

pppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now you have spit all over you


1 + 1 equals the square root of nothingness exceeded by only a fraction of yummy and creamy


first you take the peanuts and you crunch em you crunch em
then you take the grapes and squoosh em you squoosh em
then you take the bread and you spread it you spread it



HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!



did you wash your hands cause i have NO CLUE where them crunching and squooshing hands been


i have no circumference



a + b = c when the moon rises across cincinnati in the spring on a tuesday

otherwise it = d


kentucky fried chicken gave me chicken pox


ill sue!!!!



i wasnt sure about the crawfish until i asked it


who decided that itch was a good word???


when you feel something bothering you you should call it a phlurgle splot


it just sounds itchier

then you could say


hand me my phlurgle splot eradicator


if you say phlurgle splot eradicator 5 times really fast it says

foejaljdlfjdlre;kna;kjeejrewjajfreerewjrelwjrelwjrewlrjewjrljlajjoeoieor3rqkndkngkgjapowfoawjrpoqwru4o5


lets all go to munchkinland!!



i was born before the earth cooled


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

1) pick up a string
2) tie the string around your big toe
3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
4) wait



if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
then put both of them on top a cheese cube
then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad


well 



you got lunch!!



i told myself 
that it wasnt myself
but then i argued with myself
on account of myself


stupid myself 

i wasnt ready



finding belly button lint is my hobby



my liver itches



wont you be my neighbor??? 



NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

oh my gosh I nearly fell off my chair Tella 

thanks for some crazy talk... made me smile, and go bananas


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

B l o s s o m said:


> oh my gosh I nearly fell off my chair Tella
> 
> thanks for some crazy talk... made me smile, and go bananas


Come join me and the other crazy people trying to speak without once getting a warning.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i dont understand any word that has an e in it


aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my cat ate my eggo!!!!!!



lets discuss germs


i heard that they are breed for their virility


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i had it captain!!!!


it was right there in the palm of my hand!!!!



a klingon bugger!!!!




unfortunately it got away


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

oh no captain!!!!! the enemy has us in his tractor beam!



hailing frequency




on screen




greetings earthling...........................

you have made me very very angry


quick!!!


arm the torpedo tube!!!!



we dont have any torpedos left sir!!!



here!!!


take this kiwi


hes been gaseous!!! 


brilliant captain!!! chemical warfare!!!!


the kiwi got stuck in the tube captain!



here!!! take this cow and see if he can blow him out the jeffries tube


the kiw passed out from the cow’s breath captain. he had too much coffee this morning.


well do something man!!!!! 


the enemy is arming his weapons!!!!



shields up!!!!!!


hes fired sir!!!!



*shaking shaking shaking ensign #2 falls to floor captain leans to the left leans to the right of his chair deanna falls to the floor in a graceful swoon data yells captain!!! theyre attacking!!!




give me raisins

sorry commercial break


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

my cell phone is ringing!!!!! oh!!!! the humanity!!!!!!!!!



good



it stopped





kinda creepy how it does that



why does mr rogers need running shoes and a sweater in his house?



if only i had a brain/heart/courage/lots of money and a yacht



if you lick a lollipop kid do you go to jail?



a house dropped on my cat.

a girl and a dog got out.

the girl said well hi im dorothy. And ewwwww oh im sorry.


i shot her.



the end.



hi ho hi ho its off to work we go


doesnt snow white get pissed that the dwarfs keep calling her a ho?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

i just want to know one thing.


how can cinderellas shoe size be THAT different from everybody in the land. i mean if its that bizarre where does she buy shoes?


and another thing.


dont ya think its a bit odd that rumplestiltskin wanted a baby? seems like the chick coulda called cps or something.



oh toto 

theres no place like home




captain!!!! theres something up ahead

on screen sulu!!




eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


spock!! 

any idea what were dealing with???


it looks like an eggplant with a stick captain.

I believe it’s a kiwi





whats it doing spock????





let me punch in some information on my console that blinks and flashes with whirly sounds


i believe its staring at a wad of belly lint captain



sir!!!!! its moving!!!!!!






NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



he ate it!!!!!!!


ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


get us outta here chekov before we hurl!!!


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

I like pie.


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

It's raining bricks! 
Got hit in the head! 
Tra la la, dum di dum di dum. 


Bananas in pyjamas! 
I wanna yellow llamas...


Yippeeeee aiiiii yayyyyy, yippeee aiiii yooooo!!!! 
Can you not liiiiiike Jalapenoooo? ~.~


The mouse ate the cheese, the cat ate the mouse which ate the cheese, the dog attacked the cat which ate the mouse which ate the cheese, and the dog died from cheese overdoseeeee! It was lactose intolerant!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> I like pie.


With applesauce???


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

B l o s s o m said:


> It's raining bricks!
> Got hit in the head!
> Tra la la, dum di dum di dum.
> 
> ...


Yay! It's raining crazy people!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

if its called stop watch why do you keep watching it??????



STOP!!!!!




raggedy ann to raggedy andy - stuff it!!!




if everybody on the planet blows in one direction at the same time will the earth spin faster?




watch!!


did you see it???



I left a trail of fairy dust where i was



if happy little bluebirds sing beyond the rainbow 
why o why cant i ?




well 
1 you cant carry a tune
2 you cant get to the other side of a rainbow dufus
3 your not a bird



no i did not steal the gum off your shoe

i stole it off the bus stop seat


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

captain

alls quiet on the western quadrant


update spock


well sir

there seems to be a vast blackness out there 

no stars

no planets

no people


oh wait!!! i see something


its a giant olive!!!!!


a giant olive spock?



report!!!


well sir



its green


with a stuffing of pimento

and its HUGE!!!!!!



wait!!!




somethings happening!!!


the pimento!!!! 



look!!!!!!!



its unscrewing!!!!!!!




oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



its hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!


probe it spock


ewwww!!!!


im not probing that thing!!




YOU probe it!!!

sulu!!!!


gloves!!!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

evil spelled backwards is live

bad spelled backwards is dab


devil spelled backwards is lived



mad spelled backwards is dam



sppuurrlffffttttttt spelled backwards is just silly




if you run in place does time stand still?




it is DEFINITELY further to new york or by boat



i looked it up on wiki





do angel fish have wings?



are we there yet?



i dont think i look like myself. i think i look like the mailmans brothers sister in law twice removed



have you ever tried to stuff your head in a mailbox? 



it dont fit



i looked up one day and saw an airplane heading straight for me



can you think in backwards?


if you’re on a train and an airplane hits you...................its a bad day


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

oh............


look at the cute children playing...........



my bad............it was a rock


time for a contacts change




i signed a petition to make candy canes plaid



i did the math



the earth disintegrated into a black hole 3 years ago



oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
your standing on my foot you doofus!




if i turn my eyelids inside out can i see inside my brain?



i sneezed because my knees had fleas
oh please your knees had fleas?
dont tease
go eat some cheese
before the freeze
i need to sneeze


my brain took a right turn when it shoulda veered left

my eyeballs crashed



squid need love too




honest officer................

i didnt see that stop sign


it was behind the red light


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

Hickory dickory dock,
Tella's talking about Spock!

The clock struck one,
Tella sprinted down,
like a fuzzeh, funneh clown!

Hickory dickory dock!
What a shock!
Oh the clock!
She hates jocks?
The one on the rocks?
She who?
Not she! 
Then Blue?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

B l o s s o m said:


> Hickory dickory dock,
> Tella's talking about Spock!
> 
> The clock struck one,
> ...


:boogie


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

my cat is scanning her feet



when the big hand is on the 2 and the little hand is on the 6 that means something


if you crossed a cantaloupe and a banana you get a cantanana


cantanana - spanish word that means blowing up cheetos


they dragged up the shrimp net captain



why did we need a new mexico?? the old one was just fine


and where is old york or old jersey??


somebody needs to start explaining these things


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

Mamma mia, 
Here this goes again,
My, my, what a crazy thread!

Oh the waaaay it's writttttten!
It makes me so smittttten!
My, my, I don't wanna ever let you go-ooooo!

Mamma mia, 
Here this goes again,
My, my, crazy talk for you-uuuuu!

Oh the way we parted! 
This blabber and I, that's how we started!
My, my, you and me foreeeeeever!
~.~'
!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

B l o s s o m said:


> Mamma mia,
> Here this goes again,
> My, my, what a crazy thread!
> 
> ...


:clap It's the crazy!!!!!!! It's coming a loose!!!!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

if our big toe was on the outside of our feet rather than the inside we could take corners sharper



if you leave your tongue hanging out your mouth all day does it pick up lint?



if you keep doing this :mum your face will get stuck




when you snort cotton balls your brain gets fluffy



SOMEBODY get that man gravity!!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

watch







see it????






there it is again









your brain on glue sticks


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

Ohhhh, the battle of the words!
Yes! That's what this is!
I feel like we're all over this!
All the blabber in your life is gonna unfold!!!! 
I'll be strong! Blah blah blah blahhhhh!!!

I'll be back! From outer space!
We'll crazy talk over yoooo' face!
I'm spazed ~.~' 
>.<' yeahhhh...


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

He was a boy,
And she was a girl,
I can't make it anymore obviouuuuus!

He was a blab,
She was a blob, 
What more can I say!
He wanted to talk,
She never tell,
That secretly she wanna talk as well, 
So all of her mates stuck up their mouths!
And let out a great, big shout! ^_^


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> With applesauce???


Apple pie with applesauce. :yes


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Insanity unite!!!!!!


Oh say can you see??
The crazies with me??


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

my email will kick your emails butt anyday



i dont need this abuse!!!!! 



yes i do



its fun



and creamy




telescopes talk to me

they whisper showtunes




let’s all be slugs?


they seem fine


they ooze 


and leave slime

it would make life so simple

theyd be slime trails all over the place


people could say


hey slimeball!!!


and it would be ok


and wed all look the same


like squooshy raindrops with antennas



very attractive


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

My 2 good buddies, going crazy on the crazy thread lol :group


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> My 2 good buddies, going crazy on the crazy thread lol :group


Yeah? Crazy, huh?

I wonder if we caught it from you?

Have you been tested?

*I hit my limit so I'll have to wait till tomorrow for more crazy. I hope to find more crazy people here!!* *Arggh!!!! So much crazy.............so little post ability!!*

Just wanted to add a few more till tomorrow

lamps can be quite entertaining

they have bright ideas

they have dark days and light days

sometimes for no reason at all

theyll just blow their brains out

then you just replace them

its kinda sad

dinnerware are not as exciting to talk to

they just kinda sit there and match

i wonder what would happen if the dish really did run away with the spoon

I have always liked clocks

yeah clocks can be real sociable

their always on time to events


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Yeah? Crazy, huh?
> 
> I wonder if we caught it from you?
> 
> Have you been tested?


Don't let anyone know.


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Insanity unite!!!!!!
> 
> Oh say can you see??
> The crazies with me??


Yeah yeah, all the crazies are brought to your yard 
In broadddd daylight!
With some cookies in daaaa plate, 
And also a yummy, gummy bear, 
That you're holding there, 
As if it's part of the silverware, 
It's so bare
Apart from it's bear top, 
And now it's dancing
And neva' gonna stop, 
Oleyy, oleyy, oley hii-hoooo! (x2)

When you pop, you can't stop!
Or can you?
You who? 
Who you?
Nay true...True dat.
Owww-Emmmm-Geee!


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

Haha this was fun! 
It's makin' me dizzy with all da drinks so fizzy!


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Hate that Chantella ran out of posts, this is fun lol :boogie


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

*Why won't men return my calls after seeing my taxidermy collection?*

Lately I've been putting myself out in the dating field. My dates with men seem to be going well, but they never call me back after I take them home. In fact, they seem quite uncomfortable in my home. You see, I have a huge taxidermy collection that I've made myself and I take so much pride in it. I don't tell them on the dates about it because I want to surprise them with its splendor. It's a very special passion and only very special people in my life get to see it. You'd think they'd want to browse through my artwork for as long as possible. But usually they either look uncomfortable or suddenly have to be somewhere else. I don't get it and I feel very concerned. Maybe my taxidermy jobs aren't as good as I think they are and they're afraid of hurting my feelings. Or maybe my collection isn't big or diverse enough and they're turned off by my lack of commitment. Do you think it could be the set up in the room? I should rearrange everything.

I was also thinking that it could be because of my dog Muffin. She spends a lot of time in there sniffing and gnawing at my animals. It's possible that all the men I take home are allergic to dogs. What rotten luck I have!

Edit: On second thought, I don't think it has anything to do with my taxidermy collection at all. I bet they aren't calling me back because I haven't offered them sex! Men can be such pigs, but I really want a boyfriend. Maybe next time, I'll offer my date hot sex on the floor of my taxidermy room. We can roleplay with my animal masterpieces and everything! He'll have to call me back after he sees how creative I am at sex!


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## B l o s s o m (Mar 18, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Lately I've been putting myself out in the dating field. My dates with men seem to be going well, but they never call me back after I take them home. In fact, they seem quite uncomfortable in my home. You see, I have a huge taxidermy collection that I've made myself and I take so much pride in it. I don't tell them on the dates about it because I want to surprise them with its splendor. It's a very special passion and only very special people in my life get to see it. You'd think they'd want to browse through my artwork for as long as possible. But usually they either look uncomfortable or suddenly have to be somewhere else. I don't get it and I feel very concerned. Maybe my taxidermy jobs aren't as good as I think they are and they're afraid of hurting my feelings. Or maybe my collection isn't big or diverse enough and they're turned off by my lack of commitment. Do you think it could be the set up in the room? I should rearrange everything.
> 
> I was also thinking that it could be because of my dog Muffin. She spends a lot of time in there sniffing and gnawing at my animals. It's possible that all the men I take home are allergic to dogs. What rotten luck I have!
> 
> Edit: On second thought, I don't think it has anything to do with my taxidermy collection at all. I bet they aren't calling me back because I haven't offered them sex! Men can be such pigs, but I really want a boyfriend. Maybe next time, I'll offer my date hot sex on the floor of my taxidermy room. We can roleplay with my animal masterpieces and everything! He'll have to call me back after he sees how creative I am at sex!


Go girl! ~.~


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Between B l o s s o m's song lyrics and Chantellabella's dust-bunny/olives/lamp stories, this will be the best thread ever!!!

Also, Chantellabella told me via VM that my problem was a matter of feng shui. I need a plant in the southeast corner of my Taxidermy room. I'm taking this advice.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I walk through the centre of Seoul. Not that I've ever been in Seoul, but this is a fictional story, so it doesn't matter. Left of me the skyscrapers arise like shipwrecks. Right of me there are also skyscrapers, but they don't look like shipwrecks. I'm thinking of transforming myself into magpie (which is possible since this is a fictional story), when suddenly a flock of thylacines comes busting around the corner. I step out of my fictional story for a moment to google what thylacines are and find out the thylacine was thought to be extinct since 1936. So I take out my fictional iPhone and phone CNN to report my discovery that the thylacine is very much alive and residing in the centre of Seoul. However, at that exact moment, a shower that consists entirely of Kellogg's cornflakes breaks out. In a desperate attempt to save myself from the fate of being buried alive in Kellogg's cornflages, which even fictionally would be a very silly way to die, I head into the closest building I see. Inside this building I see a strange flash of light, but unfortunately I have to step out of my fictional story because it's bedtime.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> I walk through the centre of Seoul. Not that I've ever been in Seoul, but this is a fictional story, so it doesn't matter. Left of me the skyscrapers arise like shipwrecks. Right of me there are also skyscrapers, but they don't look like shipwrecks. I'm thinking of transforming myself into magpie (which is possible since this is a fictional story), when suddenly a flock of thylacines comes busting around the corner. I step out of my fictional story for a moment to google what thylacines are and find out the thylacine was thought to be extinct since 1936. So I take out my fictional iPhone and phone CNN to report my discovery that the thylacine is very much alive and residing in the centre of Seoul. However, at that exact moment, a shower that consists entirely of Kellogg's cornflakes breaks out. In a desperate attempt to save myself from the fate of being buried alive in Kellogg's cornflages, which even fictionally would be a very silly way to die, I head into the closest building I see. Inside this building I see a strange flash of light, but unfortunately I have to step out of my fictional story because it's bedtime.


Awesome story! I have a taxidermy thylacine. His name is Rafael. My grandfather stuffed him himself. He's my prized possession. He's definitely going to play a main role in my sexy roleplays.


----------



## FireIsTheCleanser (Aug 16, 2011)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Awesome story! I have a taxidermy thylacine. His name is Rafael. My grandfather stuffed him himself. He's my prized possession. *He's definitely going to play a main role in my sexy roleplays. *


:sus:teeth


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

clouds discuss politics

skyscrapers are fascinating when wet




there it is again!!!!! 


air!!!!



see it???!!!!!



arm pit hair can be very attractive on antelope



justification of extrapolated equivalent periscopes never cease to amaze the masses of brooklyn



turtle mustard pie!


yum!



shhhh!!!!!





antelope use their clipped nose hairs for mattress stuffing.



sh! pass it on!

Shhh!!!


People shouldn't be gossiping!


Sh!! Pass it on!



And btw



I heard that cows only change their socks once a month. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

Sh! Pass it on!!


shh!!!! well i heard that librarians really hate kids and secretly want to tie them to flag poles during a hail storm


shh!! pass it on!!



See how easy it is to drop a cow on a martian?

im reporting you to PETA!!! 


whats a clipboard?

i dont mean the thingys that hold the paper

theres a thing on the computer that says somethings on the clipboard

wheres this clipboard??!!! does it hold paper?? and how authorized it to hold my papers??? 


oh! the conspiracy!!!!



no said the munchkin


the world has 8 sides!!!



count them!!!!



why oh why do the pigeons try??????



are you referring to the massive tic tac in the drawer????


how rude!!!!


i am not at liberty to be liberated thank you


i came 

i conquered

i scrapbooked it


is there a minimus?



open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap


dont you need drugs to clear that up?????


i know


im bad


im bad


im really really bad



uh huh!!


the dandelions revolted today


they insulted the marigolds

owa 


translation please



i o wa


i owe something.........not sure



correct!!! for 200 points



then the placemat decided to evacuate


it wasnt pretty


june


did you beat the children before they went to bed



yes ward


then there was one lantern


two tripods



and a magic mixer


it was quite magical


this just in





ceiling fans go in circles




OH! THE HUMANITY!!!


the species is about to be destroyed



news at 11


i hear it!!!!


the joyful sound of the garbage truck!!!!


HALLELUJAH!!! 


in the universe before time


god said



i sure could use a waffle right about now


and to think the jello solidified for THAT!!!


there is just so much lemon pledge that one can sniff

it isnt due until monday sir!!!



thats not good enough soldier!!!!



shine those tooth brushes now!!!!


in the dawn of time


the sunset was preparing for its dramatic scene


what?? 


you dont believe it????


watch!!!!!



see?????



watch it again!!!


see this time??????


no??????


your just not looking close enough!!!


there it is again!!!!!!!!!!



atoms!!!!!


torpedos ready sir!!!!!!!



wait for it!!!


wait for it!!!!!!!!!!



now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


dead butterfly



its just not creamy enough until the surface turns bluish brownish green and smells


ravioli

we like ravioli


macaroni



stuffed with blue toe cheese


its not whether you win or lose


its who got kicked in the balls that counts







my bad


in the interest of preserving humanity


air will rationed


people in new jersey will get air on weds fridays tuesdays and sundays



people in missouri will get it on mondays thursdays and saturdays


people in texas 


just hold your breath





then the munchkins hung Dorothy


it was quite sad to watch




lets all start a bugger collection



it will be fun!!!!



it doesnt matter what life holds



now if i only knew what i meant by that


it would mean something



then the ravenous seaweed attacked



when the cantaloupe held a town meeting they decided that watermelons should be used as jack o lanterns rather than pumpkins



a riot ensued in the town hall



seeds were everywhere!!!



what if the temperature reached 106 then went to 0 then to 106 all in the same day?????



that would hurt

then ninjas ate the microphone



when in reality 



it surely isnt trashday


that was last week




are you in deep thought????



try flushing your brain with drano


in the interest of mankind 


sponges will be octogon from now on



thank you



why didnt we see it coming??????




my my john boy



ate that whole olive did ya now??



go ahead


get to the woodshed


ill be there shortly with my sledge hammer



live on channel 8



little house on the prairie a hoax


waltons live in a condo



i see trees of green
red roses too
i see them bloom for me and you

and i think to myself


where am i??



i truly believe that barney would make a great president

i mean look


i love you you love me were a happy family 


with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you


wont you say you love me too


sounds pretty good to me


then the chicken got pox


it was quite disturbing



this just in



an asteroid bigger than texas is hurling towards the earth at this very second


what?


oh


sorry ladies and gentlemen


the story should read

a small child threw a wad of gum at a texan 


my bad


then the cantaloupe said 




stop!!!!!!!!!!!!! 



what? 



cantaloupes dont talk



yes they do



who said?



that carrot over there


but carrots dont talk either



oh



there is no such thing as air



i promise



its a hoax



just like water




jack sprat could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean
and so between them both



they ate instead a spleen



eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww




you know the little sprinkles on cupcakes?


those are sugared rat dust




it didnt take long for the asparagus to dry out




there wasnt but 30 countries in the whole confederate military that eradicated the antelope

one of those words doesnt belong there
one of those words is kinda insane
one of those words doesnt belong there
now its time to lay the blame
its time to lay the blame


they roasted the marigolds live!!!!!!




just when you thought it was safe to wash your dishes!




justification of juxtapositions are just wrong

lets all make thursday a holiday!!


we can call it THAT DAY!

we can celebrate with balloons pinatas and mushroom sauce


jungle boogie

jungle boogie


jungle boogie



did anybody get pictures?????



it is a known fact that ranch dressing tastes like chicken



the cow jumped over the butterfly

then when it realized it mistake


it backed over it



there just isnt enough jello pudding to save the planet


there just isnt 



what has 8 legs and drives a ferrari?

you dont wanna know


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

somewhere in the galaxy of cyberspace lies a jumbo box of raisinettes


stardate 7484.9606022263827575750022222 1/2 

alls quiet here out in space

weve allied with the klingons
intimidated the romulans
confused the borg
and conquered the planet of disturbed kiwis


our next mission is to free cyberspace from unwanted nosehair photos. it has come to our attention that there are many google images of nose hair photos. 

this madness must be stopped!!!!

were setting the coordinates now



sulu!! anything out there???!!!


nothing yet sir!!!



oh wait!!!


i hear a ping!!!!


captain!!!!!!!



antelope!!!! off the starboard bow!!!!



shields up!!!!!!



arm the torpedos!!!!!


drat!!!! 



I thought we exterminated them!!!!



captain

should we open a channel??



open a channel???


huh?



like dig a canal?????



no captain!!!! focus!!!!! talk to it!!!!!!


no ahura. i hear if you talk to them your ears bleed.


captain. qwitter on da screen



thank you chekov!! and go to speech therapy will ya???? thanks!!!!




greetings earth creature!!!!


you have invaded our cyberspace.


you have broken the human vs antelope / the antelope vs human treaty by showing your presence in this cyberspace thread.



now all heck must ensue


ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttt



sir!!!!


it has come to our knowledge that antelope have a weakness


oh no captain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


they launched a spit bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


brace for impact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


wow!!! that was close!!!!!! they missed!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


have a space clean up crew clean that up later!!



so spock?? whats their weakness???


their deranged!!!!



they think their birds and not antelope!!!




is that right spock??? hmmm??? maybe we can use their insanity against them
sneak attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they beamed right into our jeffry tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and one beamed into the latrine. i think it was their leader


quick worf!!!!!


get as much RAID as you can find



were going on an antelope kill!!!!


and get a few cans of lysol



the smell is getting unbearable!!!!!



Quick troops, stock up on beans and asparagus.

We will take over soon enough!



should we use the fact that their crazy sir??


we might be able to get deanna troi to sense their deepest fears then faint


or spock can mind meld with them and scream dramatically!


oh no captain!!!


our spies disclose that they are eating beans and asparugus!!


chemical warfare!!!



red alert!!!!!



gas masks on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



now



be vwey vwey qwiet







i think their right around the corner



deanna


do you sense their presence?



i sense much fear because they know they will be exterminated

i sense much resentment because they know we humans are superior


i sense much confusion because they took a wrong turn at uranus and thought they were headed for the crab nebula

they were going out for lunch.


lets flush them outta their hiding spot



freeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


commander of the cyberspace thread is lurking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


everybody!!!!!



act casual!!!!


oh no!!!!


sir!!!!!



the antelope are on board!!! They have farted in our general direction!!!!!



damn it spock!!! if ive told you once ive told you a million times!!!



no bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


only happy fluffy news!!!!


please!!!


captain!!!


368 crewmen dead!!!!!


weve taken a bad hit!!!!


mccoy!!!!


tend to these soldiers quick!!!!!!



damn it captain!!!!!



im a doctor!!!!


not a ....................oh wait..................


scotty!!!!!


shoot that cow at them as one last sign that we WILL be victorious!!!



ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssfffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!


Incoming COW!!!

Evasive maneuvers


MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO???????????????



ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just in the nick of time the trash compactor ate the crock pot!


the end


8 legged trash compactor

2

arachnid

2

wiki

2

greek


2


togas


2


drunks in gutters


2 


rolling them for change



its all perfectly logical


your the one who lost your place sir


want a bookmark???


no comprende senor la rodent


localized marijuana smokers bake cakes


news at 11


in the interest of humanity

humanity will begin to get interesting


i think hyperboles are overrated

then the apricot bit the dust


there is an overwhelming surge of stupidity running rampant in the humanity closet

oxygen is never entertaining


stones will help in the adjustment of circular thought

alienation of synaptic overload helps the ongoing tendency to fulfill randomness


jump starting total atmospheric anomalies isnt easy



when in doubt

vomit


the use of verbs is quite disturbing


it doesnt help life to breath

just hold it


in the scheme of life humans rate below cotton balls


joy 

justice


and jugular veins


you decide



Hey Secretly Pretentious!!!! I can only edit now, but I think you should take your art exhibit on the road. I feel such a masterpiece of achievement deserves more than just latex gloves and condoms in a backroom. 

Well, we might be able to work the condoms into the feng shui arrangement



then the mushrooms grew bigger and bigger and bigger until they took over cleveland


news at 11


it isnt always the pumpkin that makes the cocktail sauce



spewing red sauce all over the counter is a fun craft idea for small children


now the universe can belong to only the inner sphere of reality and life as a kumquat


good times



in the interest of mankind


there will no longer be mankind



just some oozy dust and windchimes


coughing up the antelope was not fun



guided miscalculations of brain waves is always conducive to making people go away

not belonging to the human race can save time


individual consciousness is a choice


touching is such a touchy subject


i think therefore putt putt no longer exists in a spatial environment


it never used to need brill cream

whats up with that??


today is suicidal squirrel day


enjoy!

then the eggs leaped off the counter

ran across the room


and splattered all over the wall


so i called 911 and said


the eggs leaped off the countrer 


ran across the room


and splattered all over the wall


they were not amused


it just seems like jellyfish could try a little harder

thats all im saying


i switched brain pattern providers


my last company wasnt professional


obviously the pattern for humanity is to have a purpose


unfortunately the purpose of humanity is to follow an obvious pattern


i choose to pattern humanity with an obvious purpose


and be done with it


purposely and obviously


telling time does not help time travel


just ignore the little hand


inside outsiders have inside information 


sometimes


special skills seem to be needed for sitting


maybe there should be a course


i am not inclined to elevate breathing to a high priority status


in a tidy little antelope world


angels coexist with bunnies


then when the farmers come into the picture


whap!!!


it couldnt be helped



they thought they were fig newtons


it just seems wrong to believe in the power of arm pit hair

i totally did not see that semi coming up the road


yes i know i put the little squirrel in the middle of the road


officer


he asked me to


hes been depressed


indecent insightfulness is indecently insightful

cotton balls cannot help their offensiveness


they were bred to be offensive

it doesnt matter if molecules exist


it only matters if hamstercules exist


geesh!


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

*Picking up roadkill by the side of the road isn't weird!*

I'm getting really frustrated by how unsupportive of my passion my friends/family are! I like to pick up dead animals by the side of the road for my taxidermy projects and they have the gall to tell me that's weird! I mean, how else am I supposed to get dead bodies to work on? They also have the nerve to tell me that I should be wearing gloves while handling my animals because they're "unsanitary" and may "carry disease." They just don't understand my art. It's essential to work on these animals with ungloved hands so their energy and spirit can flow within me and inspire me to capture their essence. Wearing gloves is as ridiculous and numbing as wearing a condom. My work is going to be featured in museums. They'll see!



chantellabella said:


> Hey Secretly Pretentious!!!! I can only edit now, but I think you should take your art exhibit on the road. I feel such a masterpiece of achievement deserves more than just latex gloves and condoms in a backroom.
> 
> Well, we might be able to work the condoms into the feng shui arrangement


I really like your ideas and I admire your creativity. I'd be honored if you agreed to be my partner. Shhh. Pass it on.


----------



## FireIsTheCleanser (Aug 16, 2011)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I'm getting really frustrated by how unsupportive of my passion my friends/family are! I like to pick up dead animals by the side of the road for my taxidermy projects and they have the gall to tell me that's weird! I mean, how else am I supposed to get dead bodies to work on? They also have the nerve to tell me that I should be wearing gloves while handling my animals because they're "unsanitary" and may "carry disease." They just don't understand my art. It's essential to work on these animals with ungloved hands so their energy and spirit can flow within me and inspire me to capture their essence. Wearing gloves is as ridiculous and numbing as wearing a condom. My work is going to be featured in museums. They'll see!


Great great, now just word that differently about three times and make a separate thread for each one, and everyone on SAS will know you as "that taxidermy chick"


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

*Is it possible to catch HIV doing taxidermy?*

I'm really freaking out, guys. I know last time I said that my family/friends were crazy for thinking you can catch diseases from dead animals. But now I'm not sure sure. Is it possible to catch HIV while stuffing animals? I mean...if the animal already contracted it while still alive? I'm asking because my throat has been kind of sore for the past few hours and I'm getting a little scared. Is there or shot or a pill I can get from the hospital to stop the spread of HIV?

While we're on the topic of HIV, I was also wondering if it's possible to contract HIV from eating human flesh if the person died from HIV. If you cook it well enough, do you think I could kill the virus? I've always been curious about what humans taste like. Do you think different races taste different from one another? Would Indian people taste like curry and Mexicans taste like tacos? I'm not planning on killing anyone to eat if that's what you're thinking. I'm not psycho, I have morals. But there's a morgue about half a mile away from me. I'm thinking about sneaking in at night and cutting off a little bit of flesh from each body. Nobody will even notice or care.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I head back into my fictional story in order to discover the source of the mysterious light. It turns out the flash is emitted by a crystal orb located in the centre of a round table. Around the table I see several famous people, the most notable of which are Michael Phelps, Lady Gaga, Rupert Murdoch, Stephen Fry and Kim Jong-un. I walk over to Kim Jong-un to ask him for his signature, but he doesn't seem to notice me and stares blindly at the luminous sphere on the table. In this orb I see the face of Mark Zuckenberg giving unintelligible orders to the fascinated spectators. This shines an interesting new light on the world's power structures and I decide to step outside and report my findings to CNN, who anyway I still have to inform about my discovery of the thylacines. My eyes have to adjust one moment to the busy light of the city, which turns out to have magically transformed into Barcelona. I find this an auspicious turn in the story, since I have visited Barcelona before which enablese me to enrich the story with some realistic details to give it more credebility. Unfortunately at that moment an orange turtle falls out of the air, crushing the skull of a living statue before me and ruthlessly obliterating any chances of making this story into a realistic narration. (Secretly Pretentious, if this story wouldn't be fictional I would pick up the turtle and send it to your address so you could practice your hobby on it, but alas in this situation I could only send a fictional turtle to your fictional address which probably wouldn't be of much use to you). I forget all about my intention to phone CNN and decide to walk down the Ramblas towards the statue of Columbus. At this point I decide to use my powers as almighty narrator of this story to remove the Columbus image and replace it by an enormous representation of myself. Content, I walk directly into the sea and disappear out of sight. 

To be continued.


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

'Crazy is how crazy does', she whispered in my ear, before grabbing my arm and leading me to the pathway of destruction. 'See! Do you see the things going on in your mind?' and she twirled around, her purple hair like a haze around her. Yui was her name, her existence lay in my shame. 
Me, just a normal kid, glasses, awkward smile, noticed by this girl who moved like the wind. The monsters kept following me, but I couldn't look behind, they would notice the twinkle of happiness in my eye and try to steal the gem away.
So I carried on, down to Memory lane, where the Great Doctor lived. He would certainly know the solution to my recurring nightmares. After all, everything I saw here was a part of me. Parts I denied the existence of.

'Hey! Wake up, don't start spacing out! We have a long road to go. If you want to be normal again, that is', Yui chuckled and a glimpse of evil shone through. Was she actually trying to hold me here? No, she was my savior. The only vision I liked to see.
The big door leading to the waiting room of the doctor came closer until we landed through the roof on a soft red couch. A blonde assistant was checking out her nails, while phoning her friend, so it seemed. In her other hand she held the remote control of the 80" plasma screen. It must be handy to have so many hands.
'Excuse me miss..' I trembled at the tought of her responding, 'is the Doctor here? We have an appointment.' My gaze landed on my feet.
'Mmmhmm, let me check, mm 'kay?', she browsed through the pages of an old book. Countless patients have been here before me, though she knew exactly where she had to look. 'Skyler Night? The Doctor is waiting for you.' 
Chills ran down my back.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Great thread Chanty, I 100% approve. 

Now where did I leave my Time Machine, the blasted thing is never where I left it.


----------



## nork123 (Oct 22, 2009)

There's this sort of black spot between my neck and my skull, on the inside, its more of a mental thing really. Its purpose is to suck and drain and it has the sensation of a plug hole unhooked with the thoughts spinning like the swirly water and sinking bass notes getting lower and lower. I tend to feel quite blooty, like my heads a-flaggin' blub blub bubbles and it is unnerving to say the least, I let out a shriek, naturally this startles the cat, but he has seen this all before and he leaps to my aid dashing to the kitchen on his hind legs to fetch the peanut crunchies and the tobacco. He drags me out to the great oak with justice on his mind and bravery in his eyes, this is were the magic happens when he takes the tobacco and rolls a cigarette. My god is it relaxing my knees flail and I recline on backwards, but **** mum is in the kitchen on my return to which she exclames "my god you stink" this is were the peanuts come in "oh, its only these mum" I retort. Well get in the shower, the vicar is on his way. Me and my cat part company with a knowing nod and a wink, and with this in mind we go on to thrive another day.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Chantellabella installment

Ah!!! This is great!!! So much insanity…………so little time!



Daniel C, orange turtles could fall out the sky. It could happen. Really. 



Great news Secretly Pretentious! I just read that embalming fluid is a great aphrodisiac. And I can definitely partner with you on your taxidermy adventure. Let me go buy a case of latex gloves before we go. One can never be without them. 



Strwbrry, I can’t wait to hear what happens to da da da dum! Skyler Night!!! Man about town!J



Bigblue38, yes. We definitely need that time machine going. Hop to it!!



Nork123……………….LOL!!! Pure insanity! Love it! It’s just so sad that the cat had to leave.





coexistence is only relevant when you need someone to help you move





jovial interludes stop so many stuffy paperweights





yes


oatmeal does taste like chicken





and once again 


humanity feels the need to join the human race


its just so frustrating





open discussion of depressing situations is always fun



pleasant surprises always make me wanna puke


puking on the other hand is quite the pleasant surprise





its totally indescribable



what is toilet tissue?



correct! for 500 points





in the interest of helicopters

i would like to share this poem


oh helicopter
oh helicopter
you make nice whirly sounds

oh helicopter
oh helicopter
as you hurl out of control to the ground


this just in


cat puts furry tail in my face for 368th time





subsupimgurllistquotecodeflash


ah! now i feel so much better





its not about the oxygen


its about the carbon dioxide


geesh!!


radicals!!!!



yes there are many points! didnt you read the rules???? you get 5 points for making snide remarks............20 for saying ppppppppppssssssssssfffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!! and 50 bonus points for saying whatever to small children and nuns. your just gonna have to stay after school and learn how to do this right. man!!! do i have to spell EVERYTHING out????!!!!!!!!!!!!

shhhh!!! 





im planning an armadillo attack



unfortunately i have to wait like 400 hours to do it



but it WILL happen!!



and it aint gonna be pretty!!!



ah!!! he has come to fight the dead armadillos with his sword again!! 



its roadkill warrior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



this just in


all people named george will now be named jello


jello will now be named george

and to think gilligan didnt like asparagus


if only he did


if only he did

joy to the world

the corn is borled

da helicopter

da helicopter!



its not whether you win or lose


its how you cheat lie and steal


different

the elves took the keys and drove the car to las vegas

then they won 468 dollars playing craps

then they drove to the grand canyon and starting singing show tunes


it was a jolly good time



the cheeseball incident was tragic.

no survivors


news at 11



then a tornado swept up dorothy and toto and dropped them at walmart!


and they walked right under a sign when the prices dropped


it speared dorothy in the head


toto survived with a flesh wound

and now.........


the dinosaur polka





sound the alarms!!!

battle stations!!!

spock


status


there seems to be a guy in a red and white suit and a bunch of reindeer off the starboard bow


open a channel


um

may i help you??


youve been bad kirk


very bad



industrial strength surgical socks


get some today





and now a quiet interlude











there!!!



wasnt that worth it???



juxtapositions of incarcerated refractions is quite painful


im told.



its roadkill warrior lady!!!!!


wait!!!


ill go get my spatula





wait!!!!


a semi!!!!!


its headed straight for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



duck roadkill lady!!!!


duck!!!!!

then roadkill warrior lady lived happily ever after


fighting priuses everywhere


yeah roadkill warrior lady!!!!





its never impossible until the possible says it is



individual shrimp in shrimp scampi have varying opinions about the cheese sauce



what do you get if you cross a cucumber and a llama?

you get lumber

so go out and build your house with llamas and cucumbers today!



square pegs must fit in round holes in order to ease the tension in jamaica


really?


no not really!!!


arent you paying attention???!!!

when the earth cooled


silly string formed





quick!!! get that man some visine!!



its really more of a geography question dont ya think??

so do all endangered species run across the road??





see! i was walking down the road when all of a sudden a spaceship lands and this flying purple people eater gets out and pukes up all these people. then he got back in his spaceship and took off. he musta been car sick.



its a known fact that certain types of bookkeepers use green pens.


i know! its criminal!!



define criminal.


well their creamy thats what he cr is for

and they like to look in your eye and thats what the i is for

and they rob mi and thats what the mi is for

and they 

oh wait


let me start over



no!!!





in the interest of national security a law has been made that forces people to put their toilet paper going over the top rather than under the bottom when unrolling. the white house has a comment now.


my fellow americans. i know this sucks. live with it!!!


the end.



thank you mr president. 


we will now return you to the movie rawhide vs godzilla





i saw a much walked valley


so i put up a condo


----------



## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Secretly Pretentious asked if she needed to start a discussion about taxidermy to get some attention around here. Well, the thought of stuffed animals isn't really my thing, but crazy talk is.
> 
> Have you ever heard people say "that's just crazy talk?"
> 
> Well, keeping it clean from potty humor, racism, politics, religion and beheading...........go for it


This is awesome :squeeze made me laugh today! score!



chantellabella said:


> and beheading...........go for it


[sarcasm] aw you don't want to talk about beheading!? *kicks dirt* :teeth

well lets see what my brain can come up with today.

so what's the deal with water?

It's tasteless but people still say it tastes bad

hmmmm.... conspiracy?!

Air is cool,

if you ever feel lonely just think that air is always hugging your face/body everywhere you go,

and is having a party in your lungs every time you breath.

I realized that dreaming is not really "dreaming"

it's just staring with your eyes closed, while hallucinating.

Somewhere deep in space there is a universe that is upside down

and sometime they ponder about our universe,

and they laugh hysterically saying

"OH that could never happen!!!"

SO it's crazy to talk out loud to yourself?

but it's not crazy to talk to your self in your head 24/7?

yet another conspiracy :um

I wonder if you bit into the sun,

there would be a chocolate center

and then the name "milky way" galaxy might start to make even more sense...

This defies all logical proof though.

but then who was the person who defined logic?

was that even logical?

and that's another thing,

who defnied "time"

time existed regardless of definition

so why do you we say "I wasted time?"

Is wasted time only relative to the person wasting it?

If time had consciousness would it not offended by this statement?

Time might say something like:

"hey I gave you a part of me, why do you say you always waste me?"

Maybe time would cry,

I wonder what would happened if time cried?

would the universe flood?

or would it's tears not be water, but rather universes

so when time cries, other universes are formed

and then those universes would ponder for all of existence

"how did we get here?"

then our universe would get to laugh and say

"we made time cry! BOOM, score 1 our universe."

maybe time would be offended by this as well

and get angry

and take away all of our time it has given us.

Then our universe would be panicing,

running to the scientists and asking what to do.

and the scientists, with all their vast logic, would say

"Well we just didn't have time to plan for this outcome. It defies all logical sense."

and another thing

why did I paint my time machine "invisible"?

now I can't go back in time and change that.... son of a beehive.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> (Secretly Pretentious, if this story wouldn't be fictional I would pick up the turtle and send it to your address so you could practice your hobby on it, but alas in this situation I could only send a fictional turtle to your fictional address which probably wouldn't be of much use to you).


I appreciate the considerate gesture. I've never seen, nevermind worked on, an orange turtle before. Such a specimen would make an excellent addition to my portfolio.



Strwbrry said:


> 'Crazy is how crazy does', she whispered in my ear, before grabbing my arm and leading me to the pathway of destruction. 'See! Do you see the things going on in your mind?' and she twirled around, her purple hair like a haze around her. Yui was her name, her existence lay in my shame.
> Me, just a normal kid, glasses, awkward smile, noticed by this girl who moved like the wind. The monsters kept following me, but I couldn't look behind, they would notice the twinkle of happiness in my eye and try to steal the gem away.
> So I carried on, down to Memory lane, where the Great Doctor lived. He would certainly know the solution to my recurring nightmares. After all, everything I saw here was a part of me. Parts I denied the existence of.
> 
> ...


MORE! I must know whether Yui betrayed you! What happened when you saw the doctor?



nork123 said:


> There's this sort of black spot between my neck and my skull, on the inside, its more of a mental thing really. Its purpose is to suck and drain and it has the sensation of a plug hole unhooked with the thoughts spinning like the swirly water and sinking bass notes getting lower and lower. I tend to feel quite blooty, like my heads a-flaggin' blub blub bubbles and it is unnerving to say the least, I let out a shriek, naturally this startles the cat, but he has seen this all before and he leaps to my aid dashing to the kitchen on his hind legs to fetch the peanut crunchies and the tobacco. He drags me out to the great oak with justice on his mind and bravery in his eyes, this is were the magic happens when he takes the tobacco and rolls a cigarette. My god is it relaxing my knees flail and I recline on backwards, but **** mum is in the kitchen on my return to which she exclames "my god you stink" this is were the peanuts come in "oh, its only these mum" I retort. Well get in the shower, the vicar is on his way. Me and my cat part company with a knowing nod and a wink, and with this in mind we go on to thrive another day.


That cat is awesome. Most cats would be like "B1tch, die quieter. I'm trying to sleep." My neighbor's cat was like that. I'd see her staring condescendingly at me from their window whenever I passed by that house. She was so judgmental. When she died, I didn't even feel guilty about digging her up in my neighbor's backyard to use her as prey for my stuffed fox.



bigblue38 said:


> Great news Secretly Pretentious! I just read that embalming fluid is a great aphrodisiac. And I can definitely partner with you on your taxidermy adventure. Let me go buy a case of latex gloves before we go. One can never be without them.


:lol @ Chantellabella needing somebody to post her craziness for her due to the posting limitations.

Tell her I begrudgingly admit that the gloves are a good idea or else she'll get the HIV. I went to the hospital yesterday after writing my post and they told me that there was no shot or pill that could cure HIV. I sadly went home thinking that I was sure to die. But I woke up this morning and my sore throat was gone! I'm cured! It's a miracle. It's PROOF that Jesus has big plans for me and my taxidermy.

Also tell her that avoidobot3000 told me that the condom plant belongs in the northwest corner of my taxidermy gallery. The two of them are to fight to the death to determine which corner is the correct one.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Common Misconception said:


> who defnied "time"
> time existed regardless of definition
> so why do you we say "I wasted time?"
> Is wasted time relative to the person wasting it?
> ...


I don't think you understand what "wasted Time" means. Wasted Time is when you invite Time to party with the air in your lungs. But Time sort of has a drinking problem so it gets completely inebriated every time. But on second thought, if Time was genuinely trying to overcome it's alcoholism, I can see why it would get upset and cry every time you presented the temptation.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I walk through the endless sea that spreads around me in a thousand shades of aquamarine. The fish, the plants and the bubbles seeping out of my nostrils all propel tranquilly as if they try hard to fossilise in their paths. The few tentative sunbeams that can reach me eddy around, having lost all connection with the golden discus that sent them. Just a few more steps and I'll have forgotten where I came from, where I'm heading to and what my name sounds like above the surface. However, at that moment my blissfulness is sadly interrupted by an anchor crashing down like a missile and causing a sandstorm that subducts my sight for a second or eight. I decide to follow the rusty chain upwards to see who is responsible for this preposterous interference. It turns out the malefactor is a shiny fishing boat manned only by a girl that could have been a mermaid, except that her smooth legs are nothing like a fish tail. I decide that it is time for the story to feature some romance, so I put my hand in her dark soggy hair (which I can only do after reassuring myself this story is really fictional) and ask her if she is lost. She nods, during the process of which I notice her right eye is turquoise whereas her left one is azure. I ask her: "Did you ever notice your right eye is turquoise whereas your left one is azure?" She nods again. I ask her how she ended up in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea (which, I remember, is where you end up when you walk straightly off the beach in Barcelona). She says in a waxen voice that she was living in a port town in Southern France in her father's tiny restaurant, serving haddock and mackerel to the rich Russian tourists, when suddenly the village was overtaken by a swarm of flying fish that haunted the residents far into the hills. She tells me she was the only one figuring that the only way to escape the fish's jagged molars was to head in the opposite direction, that she took her father's fishing boat and was blown away by a gust of wind sent by Saint Antonius. While she speaks something's glistering on her right cheak below the turquoise eye. I take it on my left ring finger and bring it to the tip of my tongue. It tastes salt. I want to say something but my tongue is made of thistle. Around us everything is blue.


----------



## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I don't think you understand what "wasted Time" means. Wasted Time is when you invite Time to party with the air in your lungs. But Time sort of has a drinking problem so it gets completely inebriated every time. But on second thought, if Time was genuinely trying to overcome it's alcoholism, I can see why it would get upset and cry every time you presented the temptation.


That made me seriously laugh, a bit to hard? I laughed so much, the party in my lungs had an earth quake, and time (being it's wasted self) threw up, and now i'm missing 9 minutes. Conspiracy?

I hope time can over come it's alcoholism, it needs to stop getting wasted!

But more "that's just crazy talk!" of the day, lets see:

What if atoms could talk to each other,

and they might say something along the lines of...

"Do you think there is another universe outside the realm of our own? What if we make up some larger picture, like some sort of huge mosaic?"

and all the other atoms would say:

"HAHAHAHA oh stop making me laugh! You and you crazy 'hypotheses' make my day hydrogen. Now go be a good atom and go party with some oxygen. Maybe even invite nitrogen in on this party. Carbon will probably already be there, since it's EVERYWHERE. And don't forget time, it is going to get super wasted tonight!"

And who says "love" doesn't last forever?

Atoms have no qualms about this; they look at love as a second nature, infinitely long.

The scenario goes some thing like:

"can we form a bond that lasts forever?"

"how long is forever?"

"oh you know, for the rest of our existence in the universe."

"well I have no consciousness of knowing if that will be a favorable or unfavorable outcome, so SURE let's do it."

*bonds forever*

Is that not in essence true love, in it's purest state?

If you are ever feeling lonely (maybe from not enough "air" hugging you, or not enough nitrogen/oxygen partying in your lungs) then just think that all the atoms that make up each cell in your body all "love" each other, and therefore you are made up of pure love. *hugs self*

What if my biggest pet peeve is the phrase pet peeve.. is that not a paradoxical situation?

QUICK! I need more drano!

I can't tell if it worked?

Ask me something. Ask me anything.

If the sun turned off, this very second, how long would it take earth to notice?

About 8 minutes.

What if everyone was an alien from another galaxy

and I was the only true human?

Or what if I was the alien,

and everyone "thought" I was a human?

Oh crap!

Now everyone knows my secret

:tiptoe


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Common Misconception said:


> This is awesome :squeeze made me laugh today! score!
> 
> [sarcasm] aw you don't want to talk about beheading!? *kicks dirt* :teeth
> 
> ...


LOL!!! I love it!!! You have reached the zen state of creaminess in your endeavor to understand air and it's various atmospheric atrocities. Yay!:yay


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I appreciate the considerate gesture. I've never seen, nevermind worked on, an orange turtle before. Such a specimen would make an excellent addition to my portfolio.
> 
> MORE! I must know whether Yui betrayed you! What happened when you saw the doctor?
> 
> ...


That's great that your sore throat went away. But why oh why is there green fuzz now growing from your ears?

And the plant in the northwest corner???!!!  That's just crazy talk!! Your feng will surely shui in the wrong direction. Think long and hard Yoda on this choice. Your fate is in the hands of a small green lumpy creature who speaks backwards.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> I walk through the endless sea that spreads around me in a thousand shades of aquamarine. The fish, the plants and the bubbles seeping out of my nostrils all propel tranquilly as if they try hard to fossilise in their paths. The few tentative sunbeams that can reach me eddy around, having lost all connection with the golden discus that sent them. Just a few more steps and I'll have forgotten where I came from, where I'm heading to and what my name sounds like above the surface. However, at that moment my blissfulness is sadly interrupted by an anchor crashing down like a missile and causing a sandstorm that subducts my sight for a second or eight. I decide to follow the rusty chain upwards to see who is responsible for this preposterous interference. It turns out the malefactor is a shiny fishing boat manned only by a girl that could have been a mermaid, except that her smooth legs are nothing like a fish tail. I decide that it is time for the story to feature some romance, so I put my hand in her dark soggy hair (which I can only do after reassuring myself this story is really fictional) and ask her if she is lost. She nods, during the process of which I notice her right eye is turquoise whereas her left one is azure. I ask her: "Did you ever notice your right eye is turquoise whereas your left one is azure?" She nods again. I ask her how she ended up in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea (which, I remember, is where you end up when you walk straightly off the beach in Barcelona). She says in a waxen voice that she was living in a port town in Southern France in her father's tiny restaurant, serving haddock and mackerel to the rich Russian tourists, when suddenly the village was overtaken by a swarm of flying fish that haunted the residents far into the hills. She tells me she was the only one figuring that the only way to escape the fish's jagged molars was to head in the opposite direction, that she took her father's fishing boat and was blown away by a gust of wind sent by Saint Antonius. While she speaks something's glistering on her right cheak below the turquoise eye. I take it on my left ring finger and bring it to the tip of my tongue. It tastes salt. I want to say something but my tongue is made of thistle. Around us everything is blue.


Love it!!! More!! 

Oh and it's not crazy at all. :um Well, except for the fish. And well, the mermaid a little. And yes serving mackerel to the Russian tourists. But the rest of the parts? Sane as the day is long.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Common Misconception said:


> That made me seriously laugh, a bit to hard? I laughed so much, the party in my lungs had an earth quake, and time (being it's wasted self) threw up, and now i'm missing 9 minutes. Conspiracy?
> 
> I hope time can over come it's alcoholism, it needs to stop getting wasted!
> 
> ...


I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard!!!

*What if my biggest pet peeve is the phrase pet peeve.. is that not a paradoxical situation?*

You think in realms higher than air. I bow down to your supreme creaminess.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I'm baaacccckkkk!!!!




see there was this guy and he was hit by a meteorite


right over there


see?


yeah



i know you can only see his nikes sticking out 


quick


lets steal them


in the interest of womankind


men will be slapped senseless if they snore


i just think that jello pudding is obscene


thats all

people need to listen to the marigolds


they speak wisdom


it doesnt matter which telephone you use


they all fry your brain with microwaves


then your head falls off


and a fine layer of crust develops over your neck




ewwwwwwwwwww!!


random people wander randomly until they get hit by a bus


joyous celebration happens in small rooms with no ventilation


hanging up laundry is really a conspiracy practiced by pagan dirt mongers


antelope run free because they belong to a union



then the parrot choked to death


so sad



nobody knew how to give beak to mouth resuscitation




then the feet went sour


many were disturbed


this just in




2 + 4 = 7



news at 11


freshly made shoe polish


yum!



now quick!!!!



lay low!!!!




no reason 


just wanted to see if you would do it



its never about trigonometry


why is that?


what if the alphabet only had vowels?


would cat be spelled aoaiaiaeeuu?


it just doesnt seem right


juicers

this just in


oops my bad



it went out



time stands still for no one



what if the battery dies


then the ostrich ate the beanstalk


causing jack to crash down to the earth at 40 miles an hour


news at 11


tip toe

tip toe

tip toe

tip toe



ouch


tip toe

tip toe

tip toe

fluffy pants are really creamy!!


totally tacit textures truly taste good


my my mr smith


you cant actually expect us to believe your watermelon just burst at the seams like you say


then there were the chickens


sad



so very sad



i didnt do it!!

i swear!!


it was the carpet cleaner!!!



when you see an antelope


next time


just give it a great big hug


it will appreciate it



when life seems a bit unfair




explode





it feels so good



especially the crunchy and chewy parts


kittens ate my blender

we gave them yogurt to clean them out


why oh why do i bother cleaning the lint between my toes!!!


turtle wax is unlawful


just in time for the flogging!!


quick get the popcorn!



i suppose life is just aching for kumquats


I almost miss the motion sickness



Shh!! lurking lurkers lurking

quick clem!!!!


get the night goggles!!




Watch


darkness





aint it cool??



just when you thought it was safe to play with hand grenades


geesh!


twinkle twinkle
little star
picture a kumquat
at a bar


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

jolly old st sasquash
smoked hashish 
and burped a lot

he sat on an elf
barfed on a shelf
and crashed his Civic
while snorting pot



(my holiday song)



just in time for the flute punch




its not about seasoned bread fruit




just in case the world ends tonight



i bought scotch tape


then eeny meeney miney mo
torched his toe in a slow mo flow



duct tape amasses great feats of strength from all the quacking energy



sh!


the pigeons!!



they are restless!




inquisitive minds are nosy



jiggle the keys up and down three times

and then do a pirouette


if that doesnt work



bark loudly


this just in




aliens have landed in new york





and now back to our show



chickens do the darnedest things




just in time for the reindeer polka


yum




there once was a pizza



and a boy scout troop




it was tragic



and gory



and creamy




schmitty!!!!!



oops! im sorry.


i thought you cursed.


my bad




christmas lights will make you go blind


its true



i saw it



and so did the 10000 blind elves





its not about postulating plurals



its about circumcising random penguins



big difference


post apocalyptic aspirations are the prime achievement one can make

its even bigger than deep frying raisins



why does orange juice have to be orange?


just once i want to have blue orange juice


is that too much to ask!!???


in the interest of penguin kind



ice will remain cold


purple people should be eaten by one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters


its only right



stop!!!!!!



ok 




go



lets freeze fire and see what happens




still in the mist of all the chaos somebody smelled old spice



the downright interesting part of the whole ensemble was the scratching post.


never underestimate a scratching post



gotta run

left a coconut baking in the oven



groundhogs told me the earth spun 10 degress askew while i wasnt looking. i thought i felt something


plaid with pompoms



i thought i smelled artichokes




SPOCK!!!!

scotty beamed me into a fruitcake!!!!!




wwwwwaaawwasannwwannanwwwannwanwnwnanwnn!!!!!


the sound of a man being hit with a rake in outer space




i cant feel my toes captain!!!!

so stop whining
hold your breathe
and take your space suit off dummy!!!


Butter with ranch dip



now take 3 bites hold it over your head and recite the abcs backwards 3 times really fast


zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba

while spinning counterclockwise



*in a mr rogers voice*
did you barf??


i thought you would


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Engines ready sir.




Engage!!!!



Stardate 485.2984




We are headed into Romulan space. We know we're not supposed to be here. 


But we're being vewy vewy quiet.


we have just beamed to an alien planet



earth atmosphere



spock mccoy a random guy in a red shirt who will get killed before the first commercial and i are searching for alien life.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


there goes the guy


darn!!! and i liked his hairdo


i forgot my presence of essence



stardate 43268900.39533

its been awhile since the borg have tried to assimilate us


we wonder if their energizer bunny has run down


sulu

coordinates



we are headed to what seems to be a small island sir




full speed ahead



sir

approaching a lagoon


full stop


random ensign who will only be in this one episode! take the helm


spock
mccoy
sulu
checkov
ahura
scotty
even though its insane for the entire top crew to beam down a search party

oh what the hell
lets go see

beam us down random transporter room guy



bzzsszzzzzsssss................




damned that random transporter room guy!!!


he forgot to beam down my pants!!


i try and i try and i try captain to get your approval 


but nnnnoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!


shhhh!!!

everybody!


act casual!


hide behind this coconut

look!!! someones coming!!!

its some skinny guy with a funky white hat captain!!


everybody


look like a palm frond!


gilligan!!! oh gilligan!!!!


yes skipper??


gilligan! did you tie up those two bamboo sticks like i asked?

yes i did skipper.

well you mistakenly tied up the professor with them. now go untie him immediately! he was working on that coconut
nuclear reactor and doesnt have time to be tied up


yes skipper



did you hear that sir?


their building a nuclear reactor



i knew it spock!


alien *******s!!


spock!!!

watch your language!! this is a g rated show.


sorry captain. im feeling a little amokish today.


thats fine



just focus!!



yes captain



captain!!! someones coming!!!


its two girls!


ginger? do you ever think ill find a boyfriend while im here stuck on this island?


to be honest maryann.............you got no chance

i mean mr howell is married
the professor has his nose in books all the time
the skippers too old for you
and gilligan
well you just dont wanna procreate that species now do ya?


i suppose not


oh i wish i could find a tall green guy with pointy ears and no personality

someday maryann

someday


captain

did you hear that? 


there are several people on this island



quick!


everyone!

phasers ready!!


its not about the cheese whiz


who said that commercial could interrupt us?

just a thought captain


what if these people have already built that nuclear reactor?

they could be a threat


great scott scotty!!

great thinking!!

now well have to just annihilate them without question


set phasers to obliteration!!!!


someone else is coming sir!!



everyone!!!


put your cloaking device over your head




checkov!!!! your shoes are showing!!!!



sowwy sir!


but lovey darling


we can never have too much money

oh thurston


your such a hero


did you hear that spock???


they have money!



but we dont use money in outer space captain. its useless.



i know spock.


but still. 


im just jealous anyway.

I know captain. you just dont like playing fair.


sadly spock. its true.


set phasers on slushy.


attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blood
guts
violence
pssfffsstkksssskkeeeffffsstttt sounds

screams
censored moments
ooze


stardate 33899283833.533

i was the only one who survived the island attack
it was brutal

spock married maryann and lived happily ever after on a distant asteroid
ahura married the professor and he finally was able to get that stick thingy outta her ear
the skipper and scotty struck up a friendship and went out for a pint of ale
chekov and gilligan have been sitting in the same spot going wemington. huh? wemington. huh? wemington. huh?
sulu sliced up mr and mrs howell with his samurai sword
and mccoy finally was able to surgically remove gingers tight dress


im all alone now in space
drifting aimlessly with no crew


i think ill go see whats happening with my old buddy jean luc picard


random transporter guy


beam me over to that other enterprise


bbzzzfeefffttteeetttvvgggffftgttsstt!!!


dang!!! you left my shoes again scot boy!!!

oh well 

good thing i packed another set



stardate553993939.5


all quiet in cyberspace

it makes me vwey vwey nervous


captain do you want me to warp to earth to see whats going on there??


aye sulu



closing in on north america captain



steady sulu


we dont want the boss seeing us


hell know were goofing off from our mission


aye captain


putting on the cloaking device


sh!!!


everybody!!


breathe in slo mo!!


um captain


yes spock?


they cant hear us breathe from earth




oh



right!


i was just testing you



*whispers* kumquat


I HEARD THAT!!


ahura open a frequency


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

opcorn


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> opcorn


Sharezies??


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Sharezies??












There you go. Every flavor you want is in there. :teeth


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> There you go. Every flavor you want is in there. :teeth


Bouyah!!!


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Now I can stuff my face with all the flavors of popcorn, and drinking lemonade, in the living room watching a ball game. No one stands between me and my TV then! 8)


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> Now I can stuff my face with all the flavors of popcorn, and drinking lemonade, in the living room watching a ball game. No one stands between me and my TV then! 8)


Well, if they did...........well, ah..............well, ................you wouldn't be able to see the game.................and well, ah......................unless they were made of glass.................ah, ................well, some people might be made of glass................but um, well.....................I guess you would have to see for sure.

Right?


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Well, if they did...........well, ah..............well, ................you wouldn't be able to see the game.................and well, ah......................unless they were made of glass.................ah, ................well, some people might be made of glass................but um, well.....................I guess you would have to see for sure.
> 
> Right?


That is until someone that's 300 pounds steps in my way. My Sunday is ruined. :teeth


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> That is until someone that's 300 pounds steps in my way. My Sunday is ruined. :teeth


But would they be infracted glass? You know that makes a difference.

Here's my thought on it:

deep fried cheese worms

breakfast of champions

in the beginning the earth cooled

the dinosaurs decided it was a good time to break open the good china

just because life gets complicated does not mean its time to pull out the life vest

pots have a way of mingling uncontrollably

join us now in song

oh the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
so she botoxed all day long

in the end

the earth warmed

ants in your pants
cant dance

joyful jiggling jello

got a bum rap

its not about the essence

just the ooze

roads go up
roads go down
roads go round and round

ok thats making me sick

in the interest of essence

all exposure to life lessons will be suspended temporarily

the closest thing to atmosphere can be really important

just in time for pancakes and jelly beans!

captain picard!!

unidentified captain approaching ship sir!!!

its captain kirk coming for a visit!!!

full ton torpedos!!!!

fire!!!!!

in the interest of zucchini

the squash confessed to the crime

just when you thought it was safe to dislocate a shoulder

totally useless watermelons

its truly sad

why oh why cant goldfish just get along???

yes!!!

its the giant lamp sale!!!

oh happy day

oozy yellow slime makes a great dinner companion

its creamy

then the little teacup said to the big teacup

no!!!

not the beans!!

if i cared to do the math

i would

then the little girl ate the spaghetti octopus and lived happily ever after

the end

just so you know

kumquat season has started

yep

you can shoot those little suckers to your hearts content

it really wasnt special until the jello hardened.

then it became priceless

just so you know again

the top of a blue pen can be chewed

then they started screaming loudly in the bank parking lot

not pretty

the pedestrians were appalled

its really not fair the way pigeons are treated

supercalifragilisticexpealadociaous

my spelling of the word above is something quite atrocious

See?? Not doesn't that answer your question, Bob?


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Common Misconception said:


> That made me seriously laugh, a bit to hard? I laughed so much, the party in my lungs had an earth quake, and time (being it's wasted self) threw up, and now i'm missing 9 minutes. Conspiracy?


Everything's a conspiracy.



Common Misconception said:


> If you are ever feeling lonely (maybe from not enough "air" hugging you, or not enough nitrogen/oxygen partying in your lungs) then just think that all the atoms that make up each cell in your body all "love" each other, and therefore you are made up of pure love. *hugs self*


Atoms bond to multiple other atoms at a time to make a molecule. So actually it's more like you're made up of billions of microscopic orgies.



chantellabella said:


> That's great that your sore throat went away. But why oh why is there green fuzz now growing from your ears?
> 
> And the plant in the northwest corner???!!!  That's just crazy talk!! Your feng will surely shui in the wrong direction. Think long and hard Yoda on this choice. Your fate is in the hands of a small green lumpy creature who speaks backwards.


Green fuzz on my ears? Great! Now I have prostate cancer!

Hmmm, trust you I will because you seem like you know what you're talking about.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Green fuzz on my ears? Great! Now I have prostate cancer!
> 
> Hmmm, trust you I will because you seem like you know what you're talking about.


I just spewed my cereal milk all over the computer screen.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

cat biting my fingers as i type!!!

hello!!! not a hotdog!!!

now fuzzbutt in my face


better

now where was i? 

where am i?

who am i?

what am i?


sorry the needle got stuck


much ado about nuthin

what is ado?? 


is it like a do? 


like a hairstyle?


bored cats are redundant


just when life wants to grab you around the neck and choke the living **** outta ya


theres a commercial


im not sure the sponsor agrees


just so you know



the sun is not cool


why is pluto not a planet?


did he get expelled?


i am therefore i was a week ago



justice prevails in vail colorado but only in the winter of 2009 before the frost set in

is there some kind of cat rule that says putting their tail in a persons face is acceptable???!!!

there is a sleeping snoring orange right above here. and a guy in sunglasses. and some crying green dude. explain.


ok.

the orange guy choked on an orange and dropped dead and his skin turned orange cause he dropped dead in the sun.

the other orange guy in sunglasses saw the dead guy and smiled at first then turned green from the site and cried.

it all makes sense. 

whats the red hand with the thumb up about?

hit it with a hammer??


i wish people had whiskers like cats. then we wouldnt run into door frames when we rush.

i wonder what pickle casserole tastes like


i saw this bird once


its barney!!!! 


no sorry


it was a giant purple hedgehog


my mistake



totally opposite of an ice pick


if you saved all the belly button lint of 10000 people would you be able to feed a nation?

then the first man on the moon slapped the second man



in slow mo


blue cheese is scary



running


running


running


splat!!



ouch



its not just about the over escalating misconceptions that boggle the mind as much as the inability to dictate grand numerical cocktail parties


is it possible to roll jello into a ball?


just because i said so



arent you the least bit concerned that the sun will instantly erupt a solar flare and cook your brain?


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Jacket potato's and the time machine

Spud and tatty were getting tired of their old jackets, so they decided to become born again new potato's. They were so happy with their new image they decided to go on a trip in their trusty time machine. They decided to go to the future to the plant chips, and boy were they surprised to find not only chips but corn on the cob and Spanish spring onions. It was a carnival atmosphere with broccoli and cauliflower doing cartwheels across the floor, it was like they had come home.


----------



## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> just in case the world ends tonight
> 
> *i bought scotch tape*
> 
> ...


YAY SCOTCH TAPE! We needed that *phew* I'm glad you bought it in time!

Oh no not the pigeons O.O

*can they hear me think? OH GAWD I CAN HEAR ME THINK!* *hides*

Oh geeez what if the pigeons find me here?! I hope they don't crap on my head!










I saw it happen to a teacher one time.

It looked positively awful.

Lets just throw the pigeons into the sun.

Crisis averted?

Does this mean my nose is inquisitive?!



chantellabella said:


> christmas lights will make you go blind
> 
> its true
> 
> ...


Wow making me laugh too much!!!

was completely silent in my house,

and I just started bursting out laughing

Simply epic.



chantellabella said:


> why does orange juice have to be orange?
> 
> just once i want to have blue orange juice
> 
> ...


HA! I read that orange thing, and I immediately thought "YEAH! Why can't it be blue?!?!" then I read after and saw that you wanted it blue too!!! Marvelous.

If an orange was blue, would it be called a blue? and would orange juice then be called Blue juice?

Sounds exotic, and alien.

Maybe this is true in another dimension.

and they laugh about "orange juice"

"Haha, orange juice?!?! Don't be silly sir, there is no such thing here!"

I think I'm okay, I don't think I... uke

Never mind.



chantellabella said:


> *see there was this guy and he was hit by a meteorite
> 
> right over there
> 
> ...


HAHAHA! Awesome, awesome, awesome. Making me crack up.

Cracking so much I might crack in half.

That would be an interesting sight.

"Oh what happened to her?"

"Cracked up so much, she just cracked in half."

"Yikes.

That's gotta hurt."



chantellabella said:


> spock mccoy a random guy in a red shirt who will get killed before the first commercial and i are searching for alien life.
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...


All. So. amazing. Teach me your ways master :nw I am but a humble grasshopper.

You are making me laugh and smile, and giggle, and my night's looking so bright.

Ow. The brightness blinded me a little...

I wish I could quote more

But I feel like a quote monster

OH NOOOOOO

THE QUOTE MONSTER IS HERE!!!


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

*The Skyler Night Chronicle*
*Lost in an acid mind part II*

An eerie feeling consumed my heart. My whole life consisted of these doubts and unfulfilled wishes, even my parents told me I was an unfulfilled dream myself. Hah, I haven't seen them though for a long while, 5 years to be precise, because that was when I got lost in this world. The night before my 13th birthday I slipped through the window, looking to see Alfa Gemini. The road to the park winded along side the river, that seemed made of ink in the dark night. The same ink God had drawed our little city with.
Quietly the leaves rustled and I bowed to my reflection in the water. Like a young Narcissus I stared at my face. Did I always looked so surprised? Or was it just the glistening of hope that made me mesmerize. Suddenly the atmosphere started to change, the hairs on the back of my neck shot up, instinctively sensed the danger approaching. The reflection in the calm river faded and another face showed up, the reddish eyes shining brightly. Waiting for my soul. Damn my curiosity, why did I seek for the impossible and reached for the high. Now my life is slowly slipping through the cracks of my skin, entering the void.

The Door opened and a tall, thin man stood in the opening. He had the wise expression of someone who had experienced and succesfully dealt with all 412 emotions of an human being, though he hadn't lost his youthfulness. Would he use his gift to stop the ageing process? Could someone defy time and age? Most importantly, could he get me out of this place? He was the Doctor after all. My hope lay in his hands.
A voice in my head told me to get closer, my legs trembled and I moved against my will, approached the room. Yui seemed to float right behind me, 'What is this? I learned to walk on my own, let me go!' her face reddened with exhaustion and she finally stopped fighting. Yui was quite cute when she was angry.
The large bronze door slammed behind us and we realized there was no turning back. The Doctor was wise, but he also had a serious case of bad temper. If someone defied him...
'What is your request, young traveller? I see you have went through the narrowest paths to come to me.' his telekinetic voice resonated deep in my mind, causing me to blank. This was not the moment for hesitation. Yui locked my stare, and urged me to talk with her blue orbs.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> *The Skyler Night Chronicle*
> *Lost in an acid mind part II*
> 
> An eerie feeling consumed my heart. My whole life consisted of these doubts and unfulfilled wishes, even my parents told me I was an unfulfilled dream myself. Hah, I haven't seen them though for a long while, 5 years to be precise, because that was when I got lost in this world. The night before my 13th birthday I slipped through the window, looking to see Alfa Gemini. The road to the park winded along side the river, that seemed made of ink in the dark night. The same ink God had drawed our little city with.
> ...


This is great, I can't wait for part 3.
Though maybe someone should start a seperate thread for surrealist serial stories, since I don't believe this is what chantellabella designed the thread for.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> Jacket potato's and the time machine
> 
> Spud and tatty were getting tired of their old jackets, so they decided to become born again new potato's. They were so happy with their new image they decided to go on a trip in their trusty time machine. They decided to go to the future to the plant chips, and boy were they surprised to find not only chips but corn on the cob and Spanish spring onions. It was a carnival atmosphere with broccoli and cauliflower doing cartwheels across the floor, it was like they had come home.


LOL!!! I'm dying laughing.

I KNEW "out there" was vegetables!!! No! the others said. Only little green men. But I knew. I knew! The cucumbers confessed.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Common Misconception said:


> YAY SCOTCH TAPE! We needed that *phew* I'm glad you bought it in time!
> 
> Oh no not the pigeons O.O
> 
> *can they hear me think? OH GAWD I CAN HEAR ME THINK!* *hides*


Genius!!! I'm over here laughing like crazy. 



Common Misconception said:


> Oh geeez what if the pigeons find me here?! I hope they don't crap on my head!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


i love how you solved that. Great thinking!



Common Misconception said:


> HA! I read that orange thing, and I immediately thought "YEAH! Why can't it be blue?!?!" then I read after and saw that you wanted it blue too!!! Marvelous.
> 
> If an orange was blue, would it be called a blue? and would orange juice then be called Blue juice?
> 
> ...


I'm glad you got that out. Phlegm is such an evil thing to contemplate in your stomach. And seriously, nobody likes orange. Is it their favorite color? Do they paint their living room in orange? I rest my case.



Common Misconception said:


> All. So. amazing. Teach me your ways master :nw I am but a humble grasshopper.
> 
> You are making me laugh and smile, and giggle, and my night's looking so bright.
> 
> Ow. The brightness blinded me a little...


Oh grasshopper. Did you not read what happened to the elves?

First grasshopper lesson: Stand on the highest point of your home. Preferably in the southeast corner to shui your feng. A coffee table or lampstand will do. Tell the world you have attained creaminess beyond repair.

Then run.

Avoid the nets.

At all costs.............avoid the nets.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I've entered a worm hole!!! Every time I try to quote Stwbrry, Common Misconceptions quote comes up in my little reply box.

It's starting!!! It's starting!!!!

Strwberry said:

"The Skyler Night Chronicle
Lost in an acid mind part II

An eerie feeling consumed my heart. My whole life consisted of these doubts and unfulfilled wishes, even *my parents told me I was an unfulfilled dream *myself. Hah, I haven't seen them though for a long while, 5 years to be precise, because that was when I got lost in this world. The night before my 13th birthday I slipped through the window, looking to see Alfa Gemini. The road to the park winded along side the river, that seemed made of ink in the dark night. T*he same ink God had drawed our little city with.*
Quietly the leaves rustled and I bowed to my reflection in the water. *Like a young Narcissus I stared at my face. Did I always looked so surprised? *Or was it just the glistening of hope that made me mesmerize. Suddenly the atmosphere started to change, the hairs on the back of my neck shot up, instinctively sensed the danger approaching. The reflection in the calm river faded and another face showed up, the reddish eyes shining brightly. Waiting for my soul. Damn my curiosity, why did I seek for the impossible and reached for the high. *Now my life is slowly slipping through the cracks of my skin, entering the void.*

The Door opened and a tall, thin man stood in the opening. He had the wise expression of someone who had experienced and *succesfully dealt with all 412 emotions of an human being,* though he hadn't lost his youthfulness. Would he use his gift to stop the ageing process? Could someone defy time and age? Most importantly, could he get me out of this place? He was the Doctor after all. My hope lay in his hands.
A voice in my head told me to get closer, my legs trembled and I moved against my will, approached the room. Yui seemed to float right behind me, 'What is this? I learned to walk on my own, let me go!' her face reddened with exhaustion and she finally stopped fighting. *Yui was quite cute when she was angry.*
The large bronze door slammed behind us and we realized there was no turning back. The Doctor was wise, but *he also had a serious case of bad temper.* If someone defied him...
'What is your request, young traveller? I see you have went through the narrowest paths to come to me.' his telekinetic voice resonated deep in my mind, causing me to blank. This was not the moment for hesitation. *Yui locked my stare, and urged me to talk with her blue orbs.*"
_____________________________________
__________________

OMG!! This is pure genius!  I feel humbled in your present insanity trip. More!:clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> This is great, I can't wait for part 3.
> Though maybe someone should start a seperate thread for surrealist serial stories, since I don't believe this is what chantellabella designed the thread for.


Insanity welcomes all, young jedi!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

just when you thought it was safe to squeeze turnips


inside this little box lies the secrets of the universe


oops!!!


no!!!! you werent supposed to open it!


now you let it out and it flew away


good going dimrod!!!


now the secrets of the universe are floating around the planet



in the interest of dogkind


i would like to say


stop peeing on my front lawn



its a rare thing to see flocks of elephants



yellow asparagus is scary




how many hs can you use to spell cantalope?



then again asteroids can be a problem



just put it in the closet and lets go


its sticking out

go get the safety scissors

or a sledgehammer



im not sure what splendid wads of toilet tissue really means


it just doesnt happen because we want it to


then again they do have a life of their own


i need more nyquil to really catch the flavor

whats a lethal dose of nyquil?

if you take nyquil during the day what will happen?



its not supposed to happen spontaneously

just a gradual ooze then 


must be the antelope


the antelope 
ate the cantalope
because he could not elope
nope
he was at the end of his rope
didnt even smoke dope
started to mope
talked it out with the pope
put it all in scope
lost his hope
went out and bought soap
poor dope



the jelly bean 
made a scene
and got real mean

oh no


he beat up sucker
and a trucker

you thought i was gonna be rude didnt you?


in the interest of mankind there will be no other planets decommissioned


thank you



antartica was discovered to be chilly



it wasnt about the penguins!!

i promise!!


just because obi wan said so is not good enough!!



han solo associates with ********


looky wookie!!!

a little nookie!!!


if c3po and r2d2 got married what letters and numbers would they be?


i didnt do it captain!!!


blame the droid!


listen.............


here it??




the sound of nothing



and now for something completely random



i dont mean to complain captain


but your standing on my hand



well why is your hand on the floor ensign???



well actually no its on the console


just because the tambourine man it doesnt mean you have to do it too


ice cream truck drivers sell drugs



really



its true



what happened when the nun crossed the street?


no


its not about the earth rotating in a clockwise/counterclockwise/circular/random way


it really isnt


join in the chorus of rugby body snatchers



if you only make right turns and never a left 

will you end up where you started?


im opposed to triangles

they’re so obtuse

with an acute case of 90 degree superiority



fewer fever moments make boring bedfellows



it wasnt until the squirrel incident that people started getting vaccinated for stupidity


and then there was 1 + 1


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

with my brain power i will make that other person disappear



dang!!

still there


let me try mind melding




dang!!!


still lurking


must think repellant


aaahhh!!!


very tenacious indeed captain


the klingon seems to not want to let go of the forum button



orders captain!


ahhh!!!

now theres 2 klingons!! their cloaked!!



arm the torpedos worf!!!



red alert!!!


be vwery vwery quiet


theres an intruder onboard


he seems to be some type of far ranger sir



did you lock on his coordinates?



well sir


he appears to be at the bottom of the screen



good!


hold this position and lets see if we can send a probe to scan him


do you think they found out about our pu 36 explosive space kiwi inhaler???



possibly worf



get will



huh sir?


number 1


do you need to go to the bathroom sir???


no you nimrod!!! get will riker on the bridge


but sir 

hes at the beauty salon getting his hair done


well tell him it will have to wait damn it!!

aye aye sir!!


you rang sir????



stop doing your lurch impression riker!!


Input number 2!

well sir!!


why should i give you input?? you make way more money than me. its like your robbing me of my information. why dont i think about what im gonna do and you think about what your gonna do and then we can see whos idea is better


wont that be a fun idea???


thats an idiot idea will



oh look!! we lost 2 aliens



somebody mustve shot them out the torpedo tubes



one mustve put on his cloaking device. do you think their romulans?


another one captain


its an invasion. there beaming on board. their lurking in space. im getting claustrophic




oh stop whining worf!!!


lets ask data


well captain


the way i see it


we seem to be caught in some type of public forum galaxy


random people move through time space and dimension easily with something called an id and password


good gopher gravy data!!!!


did we enter a worm hole??
it seems we did captain. 


how to do break free???


not sure captain.


not sure


not sure!!!


you were wired to be sure!!


you cant say not sure



yes i can

no you cant


ah ha!!!!


while we were arguing the far ranger beamed off the ship


maybe it was the arguing that got him to evacuate.


do you think itll work again??


not sure captain


we can try it


no


why not?



not in the mood to argue


i could sing


yes singing might help


lets get worf over here to sing us a ditty

uk uh hok uck hokt buk uck

wow worf


that was quite beautiful


what?


oh no captain



i had a chip stuck in my throat and i was trying to dislodge it with a little phelm


eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!


we could get uhura to sing us something


we could but isnt she in the old enterprise while were the new crew


wont that mess up the time space continuum??

well yeah maybe


but when she sings she makes such goofy faces that the aliens might laugh themselves to death


right!! 



get ahura on the speak phone!!


captain


there are 4 cloaked warbirds off the starboard bow


how do you know their warbirds if their cloaked??


they may be cloaked mushrooms for all you know



well sir


their kinda big for mushrooms



well they could be really big cloaked mushrooms

true


but im sure their alien spaceships of some kind sir


i mean what would cloaked mushrooms be doing wandering around in cyberspace???

lost one captain!!!


good job!!!


were boring them to death!!!



a new space weapon!!!



still two cloaked off the starboard bow



what if we just shoot torpedos at them sir?


it couldnt hurt


egads!!!! its a romulan loogie!!!!


red alert!!!!


man battle stations!!!!

wait for it!!


wait for it!!!


quick!!!


get out the barcode scanner!!!

and another alien life form just beamed on board!!


what are we running here???? some type of revolving space door???



interesting theory data.


is there a way to capture him?


well i did suggest that barcode scanner back there.

no! we need something more substantial.


phasers on confuse!

wow!!!! we did it!!!!


confusion worked!!! he ran back to the 0 century!!!


good work crew!!


but what do we do with the two cloaked lurkers in cyberspace captain??


now theres one.


i know!!!!



barney the dinosaur songs!!!!!!


ready???



i love you

you love me

were a happy family

with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

wont you say you love me too


dang!!! this one must be a klingon


still off the bow


break out the big guns ensign


what?


you know


the secret weapon

what secret weapon?


didnt you read the secret weapon email?


um no


the one that states we can shoot one of our crew members out of the torpedo tube.


ohhhhh!!!


THAT secret weapon!!!



will get it ready sir!!!


10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1.............


FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!



antelope at 10 OCLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


shoot! missed!!


man!! that lurker is tough!!!

there must be something we can do to shoot it to the next galaxy.


wheres an antelope when you need one?


we could use one of his fart bombs.


thats it!!! 


lets drink some coffee

drink some beer

eat a little cow ewwwwwwww


and shake it all up 


actually nothings more powerful in the universe than antelope emission

nonsense data.

theres got to be something we can use to shoot the cloaked lurker across the galaxy



space is getting so crowded these days


it seems you just cant find a few kazillion square feet to think alone.



time for shore leave.



shore leave over


that paradise planet was the bomb!


except for the exploding flowers and rocks


and the aliens who tried to kill us


----------



## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

This is my favorite thread now opcorn

It's the morning, 

and I'm still tired

My brain is still swirling

it's little gears getting up to speed

to handle a society that travels at the speed of light

I'm not there yet.

Wait for it

.

.

.

Don't hold your breath, I might not make it up to speed yet

oh wait one second

.

Eh close it enough, I'm ready to jump into the lions den.

Rawr.

I hope they don't eat me.

I'll run like the wind, if they chase me.

The'll never catch me!!!


until they do...

they always do! :afr

Maybe I can ward then off with christmas lights?

:twisted


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

*When I die, I want to be stuffed and kept in my grandchildren's room*

Being a taxidermist, I face death everyday and I have come to accept that I too will pass away some day. I think it's very important that your loved ones know what you wish for them to do with your body. It's only fitting that I be stuffed and kept in my future grandchildren's room. Preferably in a rocking chair, smiling down at them while they lay in their beds. I say in about 15 years, my work will finally be recognized and I will have an entire museum dedicated to my taxidermy. I definitely think that my stuffed body should be displayed there after death. But I think it's essential for my body to stay with my grandchildren for a while beforehand for the sake of their psychological well being. At least until the youngest is 18 years old. The death of a loved one can be very jarring to a child, so keeping my dead body in their room while they sleep will lessen the shock. The presence of my dead, stuffed body will bring them comfort and they can sit on my lap if they get lonely or scared. Wouldn't that be lovely?


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Being a taxidermist, I face death everyday and I have come to accept that I too will pass away some day. I think it's very important that your loved ones know what you wish for them to do with your body. It's only fitting that I be stuffed and kept in my future grandchildren's room. Preferably in a rocking chair, smiling down at them while they lay in their beds. I say in about 15 years, my work will finally be recognized and I will have an entire museum dedicated to my taxidermy. I definitely think that my stuffed body should be displayed there after death. But I think it's essential for my body to stay with my grandchildren for a while beforehand for the sake of their psychological well being. At least until the youngest is 18 years old. The death of a loved one can be very jarring to a child, so keeping my dead body in their room while they sleep will lessen the shock. The presence of my dead, stuffed body will bring them comfort and they can sit on my lap if they get lonely or scared. Wouldn't that be lovely?


Aw, that's such a touching intent. I know there are people who let themselves rot away as worm-food in the dark mud, or burn to ash and then be dispersed somewhere on a random location. Imagine, they could end up being blown on someones lunch! So it's really magnanimous of you to let your corpse serve altruistic purposes such as soothing your future grandchildren. The mere thought of the amount of love that must interchange between your parchment skin and their peach pellicles when they come to play on your lap sends a tear down my cheak. I wish more people had the responsibility to let their body be serviceable after their dead, but alas most of them seem to be like "Après nous le déluge". The egoists.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Common Misconception said:


> This is my favorite thread now opcorn
> 
> It's the morning,
> 
> ...


I think that's an excellent idea. Also include some tinsel. I hear they like to eat it and that binds them up for awhile. Well, until it tries to come out.

Note to self..........do not use tinsel that has come out of a cat's butt


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Being a taxidermist, I face death everyday and I have come to accept that I too will pass away some day. I think it's very important that your loved ones know what you wish for them to do with your body. It's only fitting that I be stuffed and kept in my future grandchildren's room. Preferably in a rocking chair, smiling down at them while they lay in their beds. I say in about 15 years, my work will finally be recognized and I will have an entire museum dedicated to my taxidermy. I definitely think that my stuffed body should be displayed there after death. But I think it's essential for my body to stay with my grandchildren for a while beforehand for the sake of their psychological well being. At least until the youngest is 18 years old. The death of a loved one can be very jarring to a child, so keeping my dead body in their room while they sleep will lessen the shock. The presence of my dead, stuffed body will bring them comfort and they can sit on my lap if they get lonely or scared. Wouldn't that be lovely?


 Definitely. You might ask them to pose you in a chair so it will be easier for your grandchildren to sit there. Otherwise, they'll keep sliding off. Can they stuff cookies and add that to your corpse. You know..........to give the kids that grandma feeling.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Aw, that's such a touching intent. I know there are people who let themselves rot away as worm-food in the dark mud, or burn to ash and then be dispersed somewhere on a random location. Imagine, they could end up being blown on someones lunch! So it's really magnanimous of you to let your corpse serve altruistic purposes such as soothing your future grandchildren. The mere thought of the amount of love that must interchange between your parchment skin and their peach pellicles when they come to play on your lap sends a tear down my cheak. I wish more people had the responsibility to let their body be serviceable after their dead, but alas most of them seem to be like "Après nous le déluge". The egoists.


You know what would be great too? At each birthday, they can stuff you with candy and knock you around a bit. What a great way to keep being a part of their magical birthday moments!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Little green men with brushes on their hats rock!

Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!

The reason 4 leaf clovers are so hard to find is because the leprechauns pull them down when they see you coming.........so sneak up on the clover patch and be vwey vwey qwiet.

Santa Claus does exist. Ask the Easter Bunny.

Dust bunnies procreate their species

Chili cheese dogs are bred for their looks

I believe peaches look embarrassed.

Pigeons discuss politics. It's true. I read the minutes of their meetings from the sidewalk droppings.

Olives for breakfast..................who knew!

Combs travel in pairs.........just ask them.

Stop signs need love too. Go ahead........give one a hug today.

People just don't respect pumpkins enough. 

I bow down to your pumpkinismal love and beg your apologies. 

Some people don't respect pumpkins enough 

On the other hand, watermelons are the pox of humanity. 

Black Eyed Susans are wearing colored contact lenses.

Rainbow pictures scare me. They always seem to be frowning in disapproval. 

Is there such a thing as open captioning?

Is it further to New York or by boat?

What ARE the odds?

Can someone get that phone please?

There are green ghosts behind people's eyes.
Whispering 3 X a day is good for malaria.

Seriously, again, what ARE the odds?

Fountain pens deserve to live like the rest of us.

Can your GPS find Munchkinland?

What is Princess Leia hiding under those sticky buns?

Seriously, would you actually buy sea shells at the seashore even if she sells them? Seems like they'd be lying around and kinda free.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

It just seems like Jill should've learned from Jack's mistake. Sigh. 

What was that??

If cats make toast,
and dogs make lasagna,
then you can logically conclude that cows wallpaper their bathrooms.

Do cows have bathroom wallpaper with fish designs?

Do they use soft soap?

Were eggplants laid? What did it's mother look like?

Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Did you hear the joke about the dead pumpkin? How many dead pumpkins does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Two

One to decide the lightbulb needs changing and the other one to come to the realization that it ain't gonna happen. 

That joke was so bad, I need to hide my head in shame.




NOT!!
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?


Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it 
a surprising twist at the end.
How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?


3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue 
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of 
the light socket
Who named periwinkles periwinkle? 

Who would even think up such a name???
What's a fon do? 

I heard it crochets doilies.
I did research on the whole periwinkle name.

Peri means around.

So are these flowers around winkles?

It's getting even foggier here. 

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock


OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!

Not much plot

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse stir fried in his wok
The wok burned up
The mouse threw up
Hickory dickory dock
What can YOU spell in your bowl of Alpha bits?
We're off to see the wizard!
The wonderful wizard of oz
We hea we hea we hea we hea
If wever da wiz da waz


Mithithippi

The 80's rocked in slow motion
Cat spit never dries up
Music of sound the with alive are hills the!

Yellow is the best color
Green should hang it's head in shame
Blue needs Prozac
Do you ever watch Math teachers? Their lips move out of sync with their words.
It's higher power zilla!!!
Do something radical today. Watch a dog drool.
Coconuts are spies.
I vote for the maybe party.
Why hands on a clock? Why not feet?


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

"Listen," I say, suffering the little pricks my thistle tongue makes in my canopy, "I'm going to ask you something. Think well before you answer, because it could change your life to the Point of No Return, like a leaf on the edge of a waterfall. Are you willing to join me in the most crazy adventure you have ever known, ever will know and ever will think off?" She looks at me with her turquoise and her azure eye that seam to compete for the most attention. "Why?" she wispers, quelling her face so that her dark brown hairs cover the shoulders of the beige dress she wears, a dress that's stained with the grease of haddock and mackerell. I realise it would not be very helpful to tell her the truth, which is that she is part of a fictional story that needs a lot more craziness because it is posted on a thread entirely dedicated to craziness on a website that I have come to cherish because of my inability to talk to people face-to-face. Instead I tell her: "Who doesn't value the crazy is not a human being but a greenhouse plant sunken into an oasis of self-delusion." I have no idea what that means, but it sounds interesting. "Alors on va," she says, suddenly lapsing to her native language at this critical moment, while her azure eye now clearly shines more brightly than her turquoise one. At that moment an enormous wooden laddle crushes through the surface next to our fishing boat. I jump into the hollow head, then look back at the red fishing boat where she still stands at the rail with a skeptical look in both of her eyes, but especially in her turquoise one. "You can't go back now," I say with a smile that transfer false determination (because really, I too have no idea how a giant spoon could bring this story any further). But she jumps in, I cry: "To the horizon and beyond!" and seven dolphins appear at the sides of the spoon and push it forward so that the winds plays in our hairs, to the horizon where at that moment the sun sets and changes the heaven to a palette of gold and orange.


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

*Part III*

The tension rose and the silence became gradually heavier with every second. How long was I thinking? Time was already bent in this strange dimension, so there was no reassurance of a working clock. I lifted my head and looked at the cold eyes of the man, 'I want to leave this place.' The Doctor grinned 'That won't be easy young traveller. No, there are many obstacles to overcome before you can even think of putting a step outside.' He paced around, 'But my profession is to help and cure the inhabitants here. I sacrificed my own soul to heal the wounds of others. I won't give you up that easy.' Yui was getting impatient, 'How do we find the cure then?' she urged. Hopefully she didn't angry him. He was our, no MY only hope.

'Well, little fairy queen, he has to travel yet another long distance. To the Silent Woods of Arachna.' As soon as I heared that name, my faith in a good ending disappeared. That area was infamous of the dark spirits that haunted and killed the people crossing. If their mind even thought of setting foot in that place.
'No, that can't be' I whispered, 'that is just too much to ask from me.' 'Silence!' the Doctor sneered, 'YOU were the one who asked for help, weren't you. Well, I gave you the remedy. I doubt you will even reach the border with that attitude of yours.' and he gave me the most wicked smile I seen in my life. 'Now, do you accept my suggestion? Or are you willing to stay in this wonderful place for the rest of your aeons?' 
That thought scared me even more. It seemed I had little to lose, except for my own fear. 'I want to try it, Doctor.' Yui touched my shoulder, she wouldn't leave me. Not now.

'Then I'll show you the road you must go!' The Doctor spread his arms in a flying gesture and a vision appeared behind him. The long way was projected on the walls around us, which showed the one terror after the other. Our eyes were glued to the motion and the descriptions immediately stored in our long term memory. The room seemed smaller once the surreal movie had stopped.

'You are ready now, young traveller.' the words blew through us, like a summer breeze. 'Remember this: Wherever you go, there you are.' His voice died down and the bronze door came closer once again, this time to let us out in the open.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> "Listen," I say, suffering the little pricks my thistle tongue makes in my canopy, "I'm going to ask you something. Think well before you answer, because it could change your life to the Point of No Return, like a leaf on the edge of a waterfall. Are you willing to join me in the most crazy adventure you have ever known, ever will know and ever will think off?" She looks at me with her turquoise and her azure eye that seam to compete for the most attention. "Why?" she wispers, quelling her face so that her dark brown hairs cover the shoulders of the beige dress she wears, a dress that's stained with the grease of haddock and mackerell. I realise it would not be very helpful to tell her the truth, which is that she is part of a fictional story that needs a lot more craziness because it is posted on a thread entirely dedicated to craziness on a website that I have come to cherish because of my inability to talk to people face-to-face. Instead I tell her: "Who doesn't value the crazy is not a human being but a greenhouse plant sunken into an oasis of self-delusion." *I have no idea what that means, but it sounds interesting.* "Alors on va," she says, suddenly lapsing to her native language at this critical moment, *while her azure eye now clearly shines more brightly than her turquoise one. *At that moment an enormous wooden laddle crushes through the surface next to our fishing boat. I jump into the hollow head, then look back at the red fishing boat where she still stands at the rail with a skeptical look in both of her eyes, but especially in her turquoise one. "You can't go back now," I say with a smile that transfer false determination (because really, I too have no idea how a giant spoon could bring this story any further). But she jumps in, I cry: "To the horizon and beyond!" and seven dolphins appear at the sides of the spoon and push it forward so that the winds plays in our hairs, to the horizon where at that moment the sun sets and changes the heaven to a palette of gold and orange.


I love it!!! Especially her eyes! I want contacts that color. I need to know more. And yes, the giant spoon is an integral part. I believe it down to my soul.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> *Part III*
> 
> The tension rose and the silence became gradually heavier with every second. How long was I thinking? Time was already bent in this strange dimension, so there was no reassurance of a working clock. I lifted my head and looked at the cold eyes of the man, 'I want to leave this place.' The Doctor grinned 'That won't be easy young traveller. No, there are many obstacles to overcome before you can even think of putting a step outside.' He paced around, 'But my profession is to help and cure the inhabitants here. I sacrificed my own soul to heal the wounds of others. I won't give you up that easy.' Yui was getting impatient, 'How do we find the cure then?' she urged. Hopefully she didn't angry him. He was our, no MY only hope.
> 
> ...


But are there giant spiders wherever you go? Ones that suck out your brains?? Great stuff! Your greatness exceeds your exudeness oh great one!


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

19-year-old Hubert frick seated himself on the bench at the train station, a satisfied smirk on his face. He straightened his tie and tweed coat, then took out a notebook and pencil. Then he proceeded to wait patiently for someone to approach. Seated there on the bench wearing his best suit and smiling charismatically, he made passersby want to sit down next to him. Soon enough, someone would come to wait for the train, and he'd get to try out his brilliant idea. It was risky, but it was well worth it. Besides, he thought, chuckling under his breath as he glanced at the camera hidden nearby, it was well worth the A he was going to get on the project. And with that thought, he cleared his throat and waited.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> 19-year-old Hubert frick seated himself on the bench at the train station, a satisfied smirk on his face. He straightened his tie and tweed coat, then took out a notebook and pencil. Then he proceeded to wait patiently for someone to approach. Seated there on the bench wearing his best suit and smiling charismatically, he made passersby want to sit down next to him. Soon enough, someone would come to wait for the train, and he'd get to try out his brilliant idea. It was risky, but it was well worth it. Besides, he thought, chuckling under his breath as he glanced at the camera hidden nearby, it was well worth the A he was going to get on the project. And with that thought, he cleared his throat and waited.


*evil chuckle* Can't wait to see how this one turns out. :clap


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> But are there giant spiders wherever you go? Ones that suck out your brains?? Great stuff! Your greatness exceeds your exudeness oh great one!


Thank you :3
And maybe...... Hehehe..


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> You know what would be great too? At each birthday, they can stuff you with candy and knock you around a bit. What a great way to keep being a part of their magical birthday moments!


That's an awful idea! I need my body to be in mint condition for my museum!



Daniel C said:


> "Who doesn't value the crazy is not a human being but a greenhouse plant sunken into an oasis of self-delusion."


Very wise words. I almost sigged it, but I already have enough and I'm too lazy right now to change it.



bigblue38 said:


> 19-year-old Hubert frick seated himself on the bench at the train station, a satisfied smirk on his face. He straightened his tie and tweed coat, then took out a notebook and pencil. Then he proceeded to wait patiently for someone to approach. Seated there on the bench wearing his best suit and smiling charismatically, he made passersby want to sit down next to him. Soon enough, someone would come to wait for the train, and he'd get to try out his brilliant idea. It was risky, but it was well worth it. Besides, he thought, chuckling under his breath as he glanced at the camera hidden nearby, it was well worth the A he was going to get on the project. And with that thought, he cleared his throat and waited.


What!?  You can't just end it there!...Jerk. I bet you don't even know what Hubert's brilliant idea is.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> That's an awful idea! I need my body to be in mint condition for my museum!


oh yea. sorry. that was just crazy talk. of course you wouldn't be worth as much as you could be with your arms detached.

Arrrggghhhhh!!!!! My brain slipped!!!

Ok it's back on.

so........................

In the interest of mankind, the word interest will be stricken from the English language

gonna clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
wiggle our wobbles away

ok lets all clap :clap

nope it didnt work

its not about the asteroids people!!! get with it!

what are two turtles ordering pretzels and cool whip?

correct!!! for 200 points

stardate 23333.59393939393939 squared

we are in romulan territory and dont see any of them.

spock!! get out the romulan bait!

yes sir captain! string cheese torpedos!!! ready!!!! fire!!!!!!

caught one sir!!!!! his lips are stuck to the hull.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Strwbrry said:


> Thank you :3
> And maybe...... Hehehe..


arrggghhh!!!!!! strwbrrys head was sucked up by a giant arachnid!!!!!! 

oh no.

my mistake.

someone just turned on a vacuum cleaner.

get with it man!!!! be sharp and ready for the elves!!!!


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> oh yea. sorry. that was just crazy talk. of course you wouldn't be worth as much as you could be with your arms detached.
> 
> Arrrggghhhhh!!!!! My brain slipped!!!


Forgivable. All of your other advice has been quite helpful. Everyone's entitled to one bad idea. In fact, you saved my life. I went to the hospital the other day for my prostate cancer. The doctor facepalmed and told me that I didn't have a prostate. The drugs must have been so good that I didn't even remember the surgery to have it removed. It's a good thing you spotted those green hairs growing on my ears.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> arrggghhh!!!!!! strwbrrys head was sucked up by a giant arachnid!!!!!!
> oh no.
> my mistake.
> someone just turned on a vacuum cleaner.
> get with it man!!!! be sharp and ready for the elves!!!!


It's like an abortion, only with heads instead of fetuses. Poor, strwbrry. :no


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Very wise words. I almost sigged it, but I already have enough and I'm too lazy right now to change it.


Ah, that's too bad, I'm sure being sigged by the official taxidermist of this website would tremendously raise my status here. But I agree the quotes you already have there are much better. 
I hope you're recovering well from your prostate operation. For more medical information, please visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene's_gland#Female_prostate.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> arrggghhh!!!!!! strwbrrys head was sucked up by a giant arachnid!!!!!!





Secretly Pretentious said:


> It's like an abortion, only with heads instead of fetuses. Poor, strwbrry. :no


That's too bad. Now we will never know the end of the story. It also negatively affects the amount of Dutch people on this website. And we're already an endagered minority.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> That's too bad. Now we will never know the end of the story. It also negatively affects the amount of Dutch people on this website. And we're already an endagered minority.


I didn't know that Dutch people were endangered!  We should urge Drew to set up a Dutch people conservation project. I say we burn down the Silent Woods of Arachna. It seems to be the primary killer of Dutch people on SAS. I bet there aren't even any trees. Just those scary-*** Tree Stump Spiders from HardRock's thread. ManofFewWords gave me blueprints on how to make a flamethrower with a water gun so we'll all be well armed.

Anyway, thank you for the recovery wishes, but I was never in any distress at all. I don't even see any surgery scars. I think they made the incision over the scar on my arm. Like I said before, Jesus is looking out for me and my taxidermy work. It's fate.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Forgivable. All of your other advice has been quite helpful. Everyone's entitled to one bad idea. In fact, you saved my life. I went to the hospital the other day for my prostate cancer. The doctor facepalmed and told me that I didn't have a prostate. The drugs must have been so good that I didn't even remember the surgery to have it removed. It's a good thing you spotted those green hairs growing on my ears.


Yes, well I'm glad you got that cleared up. I tried to focus on the green hairs to take your mind off your enlarged intestine. And even though it was hanging out the back of your jeans, it really wasn't all that noticeable.

And just because I'm a friend, I shooed the poodle away who was following you.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> It's like an abortion, only with heads instead of fetuses. Poor, strwbrry. :no


Shh!! Act like it's not noticeable. We wouldn't want to draw attention.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Ah, that's too bad, I'm sure being sigged by the official taxidermist of this website would tremendously raise my status here. But I agree the quotes you already have there are much better.
> I hope you're recovering well from your prostate operation. For more medical information, please visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene's_gland#Female_prostate.


Oh wise back end of a rodent. Your wisdom raises your status beyond platinum creaminess stage.

In fact, a movie was made about you and how you saved the official taxidermist. 
Yes, there were elves. And unicorns. One or two arachnids (which I know strwbrry will love. And..............ah, let's see. A toaster. Two thumbtacks. A wristwatch. Oh and tweezers. Angelina Jolie played the tweezers.

It was quite the sad yet touching story.

My favorite part was when you crossed the road and a semi barreled right over you and then Secretly Pretentious stuffed your carcass, thus creating quite the centerpiece ensemble for the Charity League Ball.

Ah..........the memories.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> That's too bad. Now we will never know the end of the story. It also negatively affects the amount of Dutch people on this website. And we're already an endagered minority.


Yes.............but.....................bigblue38 invented a time machine, so we go back in time and warn him about giant arachnids.

This could work!!!:boogie


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I didn't know that Dutch people were endangered!  We should urge Drew to set up a Dutch people conservation project. I say we burn down the Silent Woods of Arachna. It seems to be the primary killer of Dutch people on SAS. I bet there aren't even any trees. Just those scary-*** Tree Stump Spiders from HardRock's thread. ManofFewWords gave me blueprints on how to make a flamethrower with a water gun so we'll all be well armed.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for the recovery wishes, but I was never in any distress at all. I don't even see any surgery scars. I think they made the incision over the scar on my arm. Like I said before, Jesus is looking out for me and my taxidermy work. It's fate.


Ok. So I went ahead and held a telethon to save the Dutch people. I raised 3 dollars and 86 cents which equals ..............ah...............equals something in Dutch money. I'm hoping that's enough to build back their numbers. Has anyone checked them for prostate cancer?

I really like the flamethrower with a water gun idea. You're on the ball! That will definitely come in handy once the flying monkeys fly in during migration season. I've heard that they melt easily, so what we should do is torch them first until we get that nice barbecued flavor. Then instead of putting water in the guns, how about a nice hollandaise sauce? By the time they hit the ground dinner would be ready.

Yum!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Now you're gonna be treated to WHY crazy talk comes so easy to me. I started a thread on that other forum called Crazy Genes after visiting my family in New Orleans for two weeks. The following crazy talk actually came out of their mouths. I deleted all the racist, political, and religious comments, well, because that was just crazy talk. 

So here's where my crazy talk comes from..........my crazy family:


Actual crazy talk from my family who don’t see it as crazy talk:

It's taken me 6 months to move into my apartment because my foot hurts and if I need a foot doctor I will have to travel all the way to my old home to go to the doctor.
Yeah, the levee broke and the water is rising but my house is a foot off the ground so it won't flood.
A hurricane won't hit us. It hit us last year.
Mattresses float so it's ok if it floods.
Why didn't the government tell me when they gave me money to live in a place that I had to move in???? It's all their fault.
The guy on the 4th floor knows more than the government.
Those doctors don't know anything about medicine. I don't know why they think they do.
It's ok if the bridge leans to the side. They gonna fix it soon.
The police makes allowances for people over 75 if they run a red light.
It's best to not ever put lights on so people on the street can't see you..........even if the shades are closed.
All the police reports involve people who don't live here (even though their address says they do)
I didn't read it in the paper so it didn't happen (even though I saw it with my own eyes!)
I'm painting the sidewalk with yellow stripes so the postman will stop putting my neighbor's mail in my box (seriously.........this is the exact words!!!) And seriously, there are yellow stripes on her sidewalk. Landing strip??
The levees aren't quite finished so if it floods again the parish councilman said it woulda been too soon for a hurricane to come - again the exact words. 

The sad part.................my other relative agreed.
It's not about money. It's about finances. 


(huh?)
People shouldn't live together. They should just get married and be miserable like the rest of us.
People didn't see Katrina coming. If they had they would've gotten to higher ground. 


(My brain is starting to implode)
Don't throw that rotten lettuce away. 


Wait for it
Wait for it






It has nutrients.
I married him so he could take care of me in my old age.
Don't worry about the leak. I called Joe and he said he can come over on Thursday (it's Saturday and the water's leaking now). I don't trust those other plumbers. I can get up all night and empty out the bucket.
I don't need a computer because I don't need to know what's happening in the world.
Yes, I broke up your brother's marriage and had his kids taken away. But it really wasn't my fault.
The bible was written by some guy who wants you to be Jewish.
Greg (so and so).................

do you know him? He's the president of the parish.


I can't believe you don't know him.



Well you know Bobby (so and so)................


No?


Why don't you know them?
She don't mind her own business (as she's looking out of the curtain watching the neighbor)
The U.S. government will just have to understand that I'm not ready to move. My cat will get too upset if I move.
He got married to that ****. No I don't know her. I just know she's a ****.
No.......I did NOT put on my blinker. Any idiot knows that if I stopped ma truck in the road, I'm gonna make a turn.
People in other states are just so cold and impersonal



(disclaimer............just what my relatives say........not me)


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Somehow I jumped out of the gene pool along the way.
What's wrong wid dem people? It's cause they not from hea.
We don't have to follow the rules. We from THE PARISH.
All lawyers and doctors want is your money. They think they know stuff because they have degrees.
He married outside the family. You can't trust dem people. (btw, I married my 5th cousin)
I put the 2 x 4 up against the house so when the wind comes the roof won't fly off.
She's having a wedding but she's gonna have nerve if she wears white. Maybe I'll suggest she put a black rick rack trim on the edge.
What happened to the eggplant? I'll bet those neighbors broke into my backyard and stole it.
Schools don't teach them nuthin
My trailer's safer in a storm then your house cause it's off the ground.
I can't move cause I have to watch out for my neighbor's dog. They don't.
They use the excuse that they have to work. It just seems like they working almost everyday almost all day.
That's so stupid you had to go to college. You shoulda stayed home and raised those children. That's your job. You don't need no college to raise children.
Just drive around the broken part of the street. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Just walk around the broken part of the sidewalk. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Them damn garbage guys. Can't they see I know it's garbage day?


(not sure what she was referring to here)
It's closer if you take the streets.
You weren't my first born. Or my second. Or my third. But you weren't my last. 


(I was the third...............I think.............now I'm not so sure)
I don't need a computer cause if there's anything I need to know it'll be on Channel 4.
Yeah the bridge section came down and fell in the river one time, but if you go real fast and it does break off, you still got enough speed to make it to the other side.

I can't stir the pot. I got my beer in one hand and my baby in the other (promise you, it's real!)

My trucks bigger than yours by miles.
We ain't got nuttin pretty at the front gate of the parish except the National Guard
I shoulda stop having kids and only had my last one.


( I guess I should be insulted because I wasn't the last. But then would the last be first? I'd better not try to figure it out)
I can't figure out how to use it. Right now it just holds my pencils until somebody can tell me how to turn it on.
That dang red cross. They don't know how to handle emergencies.
Are you kidding? I ain't ever heard of such a thing..........not having a wake. It's for the family. That's the only time they get to visit and eat food.
He can't put up a wooden fence. I wouldn't be able to see if I need to what's happening in his yard.
The family is coming over. Don't use the towels. 


(I never could figure this one out)
Why is she still living with that drunk? Pass me that beer will ya?
(While swigging beer and driving down the road) Look at those drive thru daiquari shops. Aint' that stupid!
Why do you bother to tell me these things? I don't need to know stuff.
Make sure you hit the bottom of the bridge on the right. You'll knock the bottom offa ya car if you hit it straight on.
Yeah, I know there's all those houses all caved in on their roofs. The city can't fix them or knock them down cause FEMA told them to use the money on things we don't need. 


(I guess this is a political statement ******* style)
You see this antelope??



They'd be arguing over whether is was pork or beef.



I ain't lying.

They on the wrong side of the family.


(The sad part was he was speaking about his brother)
Just put the heads in the pot. It'll had flavor.
I know it's crabbing season, but they not Gulf crabs. Look at their bellies. There ain't blue streaks.
Well, we can't invite people over. We outta Zatarains.
Are they in the family? No wonder.

I can't balance my checkbook!!! I told you I don't have any money!!
(All the guys standing around a BOILING crawfish pot holding their beers)

You think it's hot enough? Stick your finger in there and see.
No, she's gonna have to come up with a different date for the wedding. The Saints are playing that day.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Yes, well I'm glad you got that cleared up. I tried to focus on the green hairs to take your mind off your enlarged intestine. And even though it was hanging out the back of your jeans, it really wasn't all that noticeable.
> 
> And just because I'm a friend, I shooed the poodle away who was following you.


:um...Yeah, I have no idea what that means. I'm gonna have to check Web MD.



chantellabella said:


> Oh wise back end of a rodent. Your wisdom raises your status beyond platinum creaminess stage.
> 
> In fact, a movie was made about you and how you saved the official taxidermist.
> Yes, there were elves. And unicorns. One or two arachnids (which I know strwbrry will love. And..............ah, let's see. A toaster. Two thumbtacks. A wristwatch. Oh and tweezers. Angelina Jolie played the tweezers.
> ...


Sounds like an epic story. When I first read through this, I mistakenly misread "centerpiece" as "centipede." Of course, that gave me the glorious idea of making a taxidermy human centipede. In order to have 100 centipede legs, I'll have to have 50 human bodies sown together mouth-to-anus.



chantellabella said:


> Ok. So I went ahead and held a telethon to save the Dutch people. I raised 3 dollars and 86 cents which equals ..............ah...............equals something in Dutch money. I'm hoping that's enough to build back their numbers. Has anyone checked them for prostate cancer?
> 
> I really like the flamethrower with a water gun idea. You're on the ball! That will definitely come in handy once the flying monkeys fly in during migration season. I've heard that they melt easily, so what we should do is torch them first until we get that nice barbecued flavor. Then instead of putting water in the guns, how about a nice hollandaise sauce? By the time they hit the ground dinner would be ready.
> 
> Yum!


Very good. I managed to raise 3 dollars 49 cents. We'll see how much Daniel C raised to see if we have enough. Checking each Dutch person for prostate cancer may increase how much funding we need.

Flying monkeys? As delicious as that sounds, please be sure to leave at least 5 unmelted for me. I've never stuffed a flying monkey before and I think they would look really cool hovering over my 50-person human centipede.



chantellabella said:


> Now you're gonna be treated to WHY crazy talk comes so easy to me. I started a thread on that other forum called Crazy Genes after visiting my family in New Orleans for two weeks. The following crazy talk actually came out of their mouths. I deleted all the racist, political, and religious comments, well, because that was just crazy talk.


I love your family. I've decided.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> :um...Yeah, I have no idea what that means. I'm gonna have to check Web MD.
> 
> Sounds like an epic story. When I first read through this, I mistakenly misread "centerpiece" as "centipede." Of course, that gave me the glorious idea of making a taxidermy human centipede. In order to have 100 centipede legs, I'll have to have 50 human bodies sown together mouth-to-anus.
> 
> ...


I'm over here dying laughing. :clap


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

I managed to revive myself with the magic potion of The Doctor o.o
I'm back! Mwahahahaaaa..


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I'm honoured by all the attempts that have been made to set up a Dutch conservation program (let's call it DCP for short), even though Strwbrry has most fortunately succeeded in conserving herself. I see toghether you raised 7 dollar and 35 cents, which according to the internet equals 5 euro and 82 cents. I'm willing to raise this amount to 10 euros myself. Of that money we could probably buy a second-hand water pistol and a Dutch cheese to boost the economy. I'm afraid the prostate cancer program will require the endeavour of many brave medically schooled individuals so we must postpone that until we have more volunteers. However, I find our current achievements a most hopeful start of the DCP.
Being a Dutch person myself, I've also noticed a lot of Dutch people die of boredom. I'm currently thinking how the DCP could tackle this problem as well.



chantellabella said:


> Oh wise back end of a rodent. Your wisdom raises your status beyond platinum creaminess stage.
> 
> In fact, a movie was made about you and how you saved the official taxidermist.
> Yes, there were elves. And unicorns. One or two arachnids (which I know strwbrry will love. And..............ah, let's see. A toaster. Two thumbtacks. A wristwatch. Oh and tweezers. Angelina Jolie played the tweezers.
> ...


That sounds so beautiful... I knew I had it in me to be an official movie star with both courage and a sad emotional layer. The only thing that bothers me is that I haven't been informed about the production of this movie. Of course I could have taken the lead role myself, though I find it very difficult to hold myself still without trembling so that the part in which I am a stuffed body would probably have proven a great challenge.



Secretly Pretentious said:


> Sounds like an epic story. When I first read through this, I mistakenly misread "centerpiece" as "centipede." Of course, that gave me the glorious idea of making a taxidermy human centipede. In order to have 100 centipede legs, I'll have to have 50 human bodies sown together mouth-to-anus.


There was actually a Dutch director who made a movie about this subject, except that the people sewn together were still alive. I read about it in the newspaper and couldn't stop vomiting for the next seventeen minutes. I sincerely ask you not to adopt this individual in the DCP. For more information visit wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Centipede_(First_Sequence).


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> I'm honoured by all the attempts that have been made to set up a Dutch conservation program (let's call it DCP for short), even though Strwbrry has most fortunately succeeded in conserving herself. I see toghether you raised 7 dollar and 35 cents, which according to the internet equals 5 euro and 82 cents. I'm willing to raise this amount to 10 euros myself. Of that money we could probably buy a second-hand water pistol and a Dutch cheese to boost the economy. I'm afraid the prostate cancer program will require the endeavour of many brave medically schooled individuals so we must postpone that until we have more volunteers. However, I find our current achievements a most hopeful start of the DCP.
> Being a Dutch person myself, I've also noticed a lot of Dutch people die of boredom. I'm currently thinking how the DCP could tackle this problem as well.


:clap yes! I love the dutch cheese idea. And I'll bet the cheese has a wonderful binding agent which may help those dutch people with medical problems in a round about way thus saving a few lives. The round about way would be that since they are stuck in the bathroom so much, they will be easy to find if they expire. Brilliant!!

Oh wait. They would already be dead.

Somebody!!! Get me a schematic chart!!! A dry erase marker!!

And a latte! Double whip!!

Now let's see.

Hm.

Boredom.

Hm. Hm.

*yawn*

Hm.

I think.

No, that's not right.

Hm.

*checks watch*

Hm.

Think. think. think.

Oh! :idea

No. That's not going to work.

Hm.

Um. :um

Let me get back to you on that one.



Daniel C said:


> That sounds so beautiful... I knew I had it in me to be an official movie star with both courage and a sad emotional layer. The only thing that bothers me is that I haven't been informed about the production of this movie. Of course I could have taken the lead role myself, though I find it very difficult to hold myself still without trembling so that the part in which I am a stuffed body would probably have proven a great challenge.


The semi could help you hold still? :stu



Daniel C said:


> There was actually a Dutch director who made a movie about this subject, except that the people sewn together were still alive. I read about it in the newspaper and couldn't stop vomiting for the next seventeen minutes. I sincerely ask you not to adopt this individual in the DCP. For more information visit wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Centipede_(First_Sequence).


Since I just ate breakfast, I'll forgo the movie for now and take your word for it. I can't speak for Secretly Pretentious but i really think they need to be quite dead before they are of interest.

And I think the centipede idea would be brilliant. I'm into a lot of color, Secretly Pretentious, so would it be possible to spray paint the arms different colors?

We could send bigblue38 into the future with his time machine to get some really amazing colors. perhaps the doctor in strwbrry's mind trip can go with him.

Oh and they might also find a way to save the dutch people from prostate problems.

This could work!!!

I think.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

my mind is a cacophony of individual jello molds


just in time for the rabbits to come



speaking of jelly fish

nobody was speaking of jelly fish


well i was


fine be that way


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

*Part 5*

Later, Mark Zuckerberg couldn't remember the exact moment he was first visited by the extraterrestial. It was in the period long before his mondial renown, when he had just come to accept he would probably be a loser for the rest of his life, a smart loser perhaps, but a loser anyway. He had just returned from a failed date and when he opened the door to his cramped student room there was this shining creature sitting on the sofa he had inherited from his grandmother, though he appeared not to be there entirely, as a phantom, or a hologram. Or a hallucination. Mark swallowed.
The extraterrestial had, without any introduction, told him an incomprehensible story about seven crystal orbs that apparently contained the art of telepacy and had been gifted to the city of Atlantis, but later had been confiscated because the Atlantan autorities had misused their powers. At this point Mark was positive he was suffering a mental breakdown and begged the extraterrestial to leave. "If you're not ready for your task, I'll give you some more time," the creature had spoken. "I'll send you a sign of my existence. Call me when you're ready," and then he had evaporated like a fog veil. The next day Mark had received seven independent love declerations from the most attractive girls of his university. Convinced the extraterrestial was indeed existent and probably also almighty, he had waited for him that evening, while a rain shower scourged the Harvard campus. The creature had appeared again and continued his disquisition. 
"After the destruction of Atlantis, the Ministery of Intercosmial Affairs, for which I then was only a humble servant, granted the orbs to seven of the wisest civilisations in the world. Egypt, China, the Mayas. Because of an administrative error no less then two of the orbs ended up in modern Germany. They were both confiscated in 1941. After that, all of the spheres have been lost to humankind. Only we know where to find them. And we've decided that it is time to this time grand them to one person."
"You don't mean to say..."
"Indeed. Are you willing to take up the task, Mark?"
Mark gazed at the half-transparent eyes of the extraterrestial in utter amazement. "Why me?" he wispered.
"The outcome of the Commission for Telepatic Inquiry shows that you are the most intelligent individual of your kind. So we're convinced you could use the powers that will be granted to you with discretion," the extraterrestial said in his murmorous voice. He vaguely resembled a human being, though Mark could not determine whether he was male or female. Maybe those terms didn't exist whereever this creature came from.
"I'm thirsty. Can you give me some of ... whatever you consume here when you are thirsty." Mark disappeared into his moisty kitchen and returned with a cup of tea. The extraterrestial lubricated it with extraordinary precision. When he was done a beatifical smile appeared on his face and his eyes appeared to shine with the light of seven billion lightyears away. "I'd like you to suppy us with considerable amounts of this divine liquid when you are in power. That's an additional condition for our agreement." Mark nodded. He felt absolutely powerless.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> *Part 5*
> 
> Later, Mark Zuckerberg couldn't remember the exact moment he was first visited by the extraterrestial. It was in the period long before his mondial renown, when he had just come to accept he would probably be a loser for the rest of his life, a smart loser perhaps, but a loser anyway. He had just returned from a failed date and when he opened the door to his cramped student room there was this shining creature sitting on the sofa he had inherited from his grandmother, though he appeared not to be there entirely, as a phantom, or a hologram. Or a hallucination. Mark swallowed.
> The extraterrestial had, without any introduction, told him an incomprehensible story about seven crystal orbs that apparently contained the art of telepacy and had been gifted to the city of Atlantis, but later had been confiscated because the Atlantan autorities had misused their powers. At this point Mark was positive he was suffering a mental breakdown and begged the extraterrestial to leave. "If you're not ready for your task, I'll give you some more time," the creature had spoken. "I'll send you a sign of my existence. Call me when you're ready," and then he had evaporated like a fog veil. The next day Mark had received seven independent love declerations from the most attractive girls of his university. Convinced the extraterrestial was indeed existent and probably also almighty, he had waited for him that evening, while a rain shower scourged the Harvard campus. The creature had appeared again and continued his disquisition.
> ...


Ah!! The elusive Atlantis!! You've discovered it's whereabouts! Of course it would take a Harvard scholar such as yourself with the most beautiful women on your arm to solve such a conundrum.

And I never realized how kinky the Atlanteans were. Was the liquid ungelled jello?

No, I guess not. :sus

Hm.

Can't wait to hear another installment.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Ah!! The elusive Atlantis!! You've discovered it's whereabouts! Of course it would take a Harvard scholar such as yourself with the most beautiful women on your arm to solve such a conundrum.
> 
> And I never realized how kinky the Atlanteans were. Was the liquid ungelled jello?
> 
> ...


Uhm, thanks, but I fear there is some misunderstanding. This part is not about me but about Mark Zuckerberg, also famous for being the founder of facebook. He is going to play an important role in the continuation of this story, in which I will reprise my role as lonely wanderer over the planet that has been described in the first four parts. I promise this continuation will be filled with be a mind-blowing final that will combine loads of craziness with an epic and bloodcurdling plot. Well, I don't think I can manage that. But it will be filled with loads of craziness.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Uhm, thanks, but I fear there is some misunderstanding. This part is not about me but about Mark Zuckerberg, also famous for being the founder of facebook. He is going to play an important role in the continuation of this story, in which I will reprise my role as lonely wanderer over the planet that has been described in the first four parts. I promise this continuation will be filled with be a mind-blowing final that will combine loads of craziness with an epic and bloodcurdling plot. Well, I don't think I can manage that. But it will be filled with loads of craziness.


Ah! That's right. You're so convincing in your story that my mind presently lost its presence of mind.

Please convey my apologies to Mark. Also ask him to please delete my sister-in-law's account as she is more the raving lunatic than I am and uses it for the forces of evil rather than good.

Ah, but I digress...................


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Oh and I like bloodcurdling.


It's good for the circulation.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> I'm honoured by all the attempts that have been made to set up a Dutch conservation program (let's call it DCP for short), even though Strwbrry has most fortunately succeeded in conserving herself. I see toghether you raised 7 dollar and 35 cents, which according to the internet equals 5 euro and 82 cents. I'm willing to raise this amount to 10 euros myself. Of that money we could probably buy a second-hand water pistol and a Dutch cheese to boost the economy. I'm afraid the prostate cancer program will require the endeavour of many brave medically schooled individuals so we must postpone that until we have more volunteers. However, I find our current achievements a most hopeful start of the DCP.
> Being a Dutch person myself, I've also noticed a lot of Dutch people die of boredom. I'm currently thinking how the DCP could tackle this problem as well.


Boredom? That's a toughie. Boredom has been killing all kinds of people worldwide for centuries. It's an epidemic. We're going to need a lot more than 10 euros if the DCP is going to tackle that issue as well. Hell, we'll probably need at least 15 euros.



Daniel C said:


> That sounds so beautiful... I knew I had it in me to be an official movie star with both courage and a sad emotional layer. The only thing that bothers me is that I haven't been informed about the production of this movie. Of course I could have taken the lead role myself, though I find it very difficult to hold myself still without trembling so that the part in which I am a stuffed body would probably have proven a great challenge.


I've been trying to find this movie because I'm curious to see who plays me. Unfortunately, I've had no luck. Do you or Chantellabella know?



Daniel C said:


> There was actually a Dutch director who made a movie about this subject, except that the people sewn together were still alive. I read about it in the newspaper and couldn't stop vomiting for the next seventeen minutes. I sincerely ask you not to adopt this individual in the DCP. For more information visit wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Centipede_(First_Sequence).


Why shouldn't we? He was a brilliant artist! I'm just taking his idea and improving it. Making the chain longer and making it more colorful. Adding some flying monkeys, swooping down on it. I'm very excited for this project.



chantellabella said:


> Oh and I like bloodcurdling.
> 
> It's good for the circulation.


Actually, arteries get clogged when your blood curdles and you either have a heart attack or stroke out. Contrary to popular belief, strokes and heart attacks aren't very good for the circulation at all. .......Wait. Was that Daniel C's objective all along? But I...I trusted him. I sent him a VM, demanding to be friends and everything. I'm so confused. :cry


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I've been trying to find this movie because I'm curious to see who plays me. Unfortunately, I've had no luck. Do you or Chantellabella know?


I'm told a giant squid, but don't quote me on that.



Secretly Pretentious said:


> Actually, arteries get clogged when your blood curdles and you either have a heart attack or stroke out. Contrary to popular belief, strokes and heart attacks aren't very good for the circulation at all. .......Wait. Was that Daniel C's objective all along? But I...I trusted him. I sent him a VM, demanding to be friends and everything. I'm so confused. :cry


Oh, about the circulation faux pas. That might be why I flunked out in med school.

or it could be that I kept screaming, "Somebody get a doctor" when I was supposed to be the doctor.

I find when one is confused over things like should you trust Daniel C. or not............ I run as fast as I can to the top of the tallest building in town. Then I lean way over the railing and wait for some unsuspecting pigeon. When one has alighted to the railing I pop it on the head with a badminton racket, thus rendering it temporarily traumatized.

then I run as fast as I can down the steps of the tallest building in town, take a taxi to the nearest 7-11, where I buy a grape Slurpee.

Then............ once the brain freeze has subsided, I quickly catch a bus to the nearest health food shop, where I stand on the doorstep and yell "CHEESECAKE!!"

Once my head stops swimming around from the impending stampede, I jog briskly to the taxidermy shop and drop off the paralyzed, traumatized pigeon.

I take one last sip of the grape Slurpee, sing a showtune, then I'm off on my safari.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Agonizing break crumbs make a great party favor

Stepping stones are painful when passing through the bladder

Stand by me! Stand by me!! 
Oh wait. I don’t know you!

Roasted kumquats prevent cavities

Slowing boiling toaster strudel can be hazardous to your dog’s health

Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the hail and flattened the spider out
Out came his guts all juicy and sublime
And the itsy bitsy spider’s no longer in my rhyme


Mary had a little lamb
With special sauce and a side order of fries

Cant see over the mountain
Cant see over the sea
Cant see over the toothbrush
And now I have to pee

You can’t trust pigeons
Why?
9 out of 10 dentists say so


Sticking gumdrops in your ears has the most interesting effects

Joy to the world 
Geography’s dead

Maps?? We don’t need no stinkin maps!
We got string!!

This just in.
Blue will now be pink
Yellow will now be green
And water buffalo will sing showtunes on Thursdays
News at 11:00

Tumbleweeds have feelings too. Hug one today!

Stationary stations should start stationery statutes. You just can’t have enough matching envelopes.

Argh!! Said captain catastrophe!! Me parrot swallowed me bandanna 

Watch!

Wait!!

See?

There!

No! There!!

There it is again!!

Air!






Don't give up to the munchkins!! It's our last hope!! Man the spoon flickers!!!


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Why shouldn't we? He was a brilliant artist! I'm just taking his idea and improving it. Making the chain longer and making it more colorful. Adding some flying monkeys, swooping down on it. I'm very excited for this project.


Let me be clear about this. I'm not narrow-minded and I also favour freedom of expression. However, this individual has crossed a line by negatively affecting people's health. My vomiting attack after only reading an article in that newspaper is just one example. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people who actually saw the movie did not survive it. I say the DCP must not allow him to continue his campaign of spreading life-endangering disgust over the country (and over the world as well). Don't get me wrong: I'm not against your project. I don't mind you working with dead people. That's a huge difference. They'll probably be glad to be in such an interesting art project and thus being serviceable even after their dead.



Secretly Pretentious said:


> Actually, arteries get clogged when your blood curdles and you either have a heart attack or stroke out. Contrary to popular belief, strokes and heart attacks aren't very good for the circulation at all. .......Wait. Was that Daniel C's objective all along? But I...I trusted him. I sent him a VM, demanding to be friends and everything. I'm so confused. :cry


Who knows? Sometimes people are not what they seem... :twisted


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Our dolphins are riding the waves, and in the middle our spoon is propelled like a catamaran. We sit side by side; sometimes, when the wind plays in a peculiar way, her hair touches my right jowl, tickles my cheekbones. When I look to the right I can only see her azure eye. It makes her look younger, more playful, less brooding. There are myriad things I want to say but they all slip past my tongue like the seawater around us. So I start to think about what I saw in Seoul and Barcelona, about the thylacines, the corn flakes, and the secret conspiracy that was apparently led by Mark Zuckerberg. That didn't surprise me, I never trusted Zuckerberg. Maybe he's got more power than people can imagine, maybe the world itself is a product of his digital system. Just like in the Matrix. 
I turn my head and ask: "Did you ever watch the Matrix?"
"No," she says, "but I did watch 'Il y a longtemps que je t'aime'." I nod. I have never heard of that movie. 
My almost-mermaid companion turns her head and her pupils dilate. "What happened to your hair?" she asks.
"My hair?"
"One minute ago it was quite long, for a boy at least, and now it is very short."
I search for words to explain that this is because in that minute I slipped back into reality, visited the hairdresser, and returned to my fictional story. But I don't want to confuse her so instead I say: "Didn't I tell you this was going to be the most crazy adventure you'll ever encounter?" She nods, but suspiciously, as if she's already regretting her decision of some minutes ago. I open my mouth, taste the salt wind, then close it again. I remember I still have my fictional iPhone so I can look up to where the dolphins are heading. Amazingly, my connection turns out to be still intact in the middle of the Mediterranean. It turns out the dolphins have dodged Italy and are now somewhere between Greece and Egypt. At that moment, however, I hear the roar of splitting water, I feel the ladle sink beneath me, I feel the sting of liquid in my nose, and the next moment I can see the dolphins have taken us underwater, dragging us towards the faraway bottom. I clamp to the spoon and close my eyes. Are the dolphins trying to drag us down to the reefs of oblivion? Are they taking a shortcut? The water beeches in my face and between my lungs, I feel a strange germ of panic somewhere between my heart and my stomach, I hold my eyes closed and clamp, I hear nothing but a muted roar, I can't even see whether the French castaway is still on my side, I can't hold on much longer, the current is getting too strong, I clamp with all power. And then suddenly silence. I open my eyes and see nothing but black. I remember this is because my eyes are pressed to the spoon and I look up. For twenty four full seconds I can't breath even though I'm already breathless. Before stretch turquoise houses, sand streets and boulevards, spiral towers and opal palaces. I feel the panting of my companion in my neck but I can't look backwards. The city appears to be locked inside an enormous bubble made out of transparent crystal, like a giant snow globe. Before us in the bank of the moisty road stands a wooden sign, overgrown with seaweed but still well readable. It shows a painting of a man and a woman playing like children in the sand, like those advertisements for the Costa Brava, and above in black letters we read: "Welcome to Atlantis, the city where it never rains." 
"Your were right," her chappy voice gasps behind me, "you were right."


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

That girl is my pearl but some idiot named Earl whos face made me want to hurl asked said girl if she would go inside his truck for a whirl

Broken hearted at losing my love. I looked for idea to the skies above. I decided to go for her best friend. Oh yes it was a sin. But thimgs got even worse when I got it in.

She told me her name was Alex. i thought her name was cute. When I learned the hard way how unisexual that name was, i went to the bathroom and puked.

After taking a cold shower that lasted about an hour. I went to my phone and saw I had a text. It was that one girl, Pearl saying to me "Would you like to have sex ;0"


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Let me be clear about this. I'm not narrow-minded and I also favour freedom of expression. However, this individual has crossed a line by negatively affecting people's health. My vomiting attack after only reading an article in that newspaper is just one example. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people who actually saw the movie did not survive it. I say the DCP must not allow him to continue his campaign of spreading life-endangering disgust over the country (and over the world as well). Don't get me wrong: I'm not against your project. I don't mind you working with dead people. That's a huge difference. They'll probably be glad to be in such an interesting art project and thus being serviceable even after their dead.


question. would said arms be flapping around or functional. i ask this because i need a maid who can work 10 times faster than the one i presently have.

true said maid is moi. but i would gladly fire this lazy one for a more cost efficient one.

concerning the dutch. have you considered cows? not for the art centerpiece of course.

you know. just for their aesthetic purposes. they look fabulous just standing around. especially dutch cows.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Our dolphins are riding the waves, and in the middle our spoon is propelled like a catamaran. We sit side by side; sometimes, when the wind plays in a peculiar way, her hair touches my right jowl, tickles my cheekbones. When I look to the right I can only see her azure eye. It makes her look younger, more playful, less brooding. There are myriad things I want to say but they all slip past my tongue like the seawater around us. So I start to think about what I saw in Seoul and Barcelona, about the thylacines, the corn flakes, and the secret conspiracy that was apparently led by Mark Zuckerberg. That didn't surprise me, I never trusted Zuckerberg. Maybe he's got more power than people can imagine, maybe the world itself is a product of his digital system. Just like in the Matrix.
> I turn my head and ask: "Did you ever watch the Matrix?"
> "No," she says, "but I did watch 'Il y a longtemps que je t'aime'." I nod. I have never heard of that movie.
> My almost-mermaid companion turns her head and her pupils dilate. "What happened to your hair?" she asks.
> ...


Throw cornflakes!!! THROW CORNFLAKES!!!

Oh. Nevermind. You survived the water. Phew!! I was worried.

May I make a suggestion now that you're on land. Wear rubber gloves. Just saying. You don't know where those Atlanteans have been.

Continue oh surreal master....................


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Loveless said:


> That girl is my pearl but some idiot named Earl whos face made me want to hurl asked said girl if she would go inside his truck for a whirl
> 
> Broken hearted at losing my love. I looked for idea to the skies above. I decided to go for her best friend. Oh yes it was a sin. But thimgs got even worse when I got it in.
> 
> ...


Oh wait. So does this mean you don't want the message I took for you?

I'll read it anyway, just in case you change your mind.

Dear Loveless,

It was oh so special in that special kind of way. the bunnies and flowers added a nice touch to the evening. Thanks again for being so thoughtful.

Since we seemed to hit it off so well on our date, I texted 16 of my friends and invited them to our wedding. Are purple tuxes with cummerbunds ok for the event? Since I feel I know you so well, I went ahead and just ordered it.

My mother is ecstatic over our impending nuptials. I knew she had nothing to be concerned about. I knew the right person would come along for me.

Is it ok if I ordered spotted dick for the main course? Oh don't even answer that my love. I just know you'll love it.

I purchased a quaint little house on the coast and just forged your signature. I knew you were so sick and all and I didn't want to bother you. It overlooks a very steep cliff in the Bahamas. Perfect for watching dolphins. I think we even have a lovely view of Atlantis.

Common Misconception will bring the Starbucks, as always.

nork123 can show us the spot on his neck and B L O S S O M can do a few poetry readings.

Bob the Best of course will be invited as long as a Saints game isn't playing.

FireIsTheCleanser will be the dj and post random smiley faces to music at sporadic, intimate moments.

I ordered invitations. His post in the crazy talk thread convinced me that he was quite the gifted writer.

I also commissioned a taxidermist named Secretly Pretentious, for the decorations. I hear she's a tad on the crazy side, but such a genius.

Oh and I forgot that I also ordered some extraordinary strwbrrys. These are no ordinary strwbrrys in that they speak in hushed tones of melancholy. Quite the magical moments.

For our honeymoon, I employed some guy named bigblue38 who has a time machine. I thought we could fly to the black plague years and see how fun that was.

Huggies and kissies, my darling.

Till we meet again.

Your Snuggle Muffin


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Trazy calk


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Jcgrey said:


> Trazy calk


Yes!!! Yes!!!! :boogie

That's it!!!!!

We had it all wrong, guys!!!!!

Jcgrey has found the answer to the universe, x squared!!!!

Now don't you all feel very foolish? 

Welcome aboard the crazy train!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

BobtheBest said:


> Will I be the best man? lol:lol


I'll have to text his beloved to find out.

We don't want to bother Loveless with details because, well, you know, he's barfing presently.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> I also commissioned a taxidermist named Secretly Pretentious, for the decorations. I hear she's a tad on the crazy side, but such a genius.


Oh, this is so exciting!!! I've never done a wedding before. :clap Okay, lets see. At first I was thinking doves, but you know what? Way too cliche. You guys deserve better than that. That's why I'm doing angler fish. In case you didn't know, the male mates with the female by biting her. He releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body so that the two of them fuse together forever. By the end of it all, there's nothing left of the male but his balls hanging from the female's body. *swoon* It's just oh so lovely and romantic. The perfect symbol of love and marriage. And such a beautiful, majestic creature!










I was thinking of suspending them from the ceiling so that it looked like they were swimming through air above your heads. I can put a lightbulbs at the end of their illiciums. That way when you turn off the lights, they will look like stars above you. It will be magic! They'll double as wonderful decorations for your house since you'll be living on the coast, overlooking Atlantis. Very fitting, don't you say?


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> Let me be clear about this. I'm not narrow-minded and I also favour freedom of expression. However, this individual has crossed a line by negatively affecting people's health. My vomiting attack after only reading an article in that newspaper is just one example. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people who actually saw the movie did not survive it. I say the DCP must not allow him to continue his campaign of spreading life-endangering disgust over the country (and over the world as well). Don't get me wrong: I'm not against your project. I don't mind you working with dead people. That's a huge difference. They'll probably be glad to be in such an interesting art project and thus being serviceable even after their dead.
> 
> Who knows? Sometimes people are not what they seem... :twisted







I wanted to watch this film with a friend. Something tells me that a film like this cannot fully be appreciated without a friend and copious amounts of alcohol. But I guess she heard that most people don't survive its viewing since she refused. Legend has it you get a phone call after seeing it and it's this evil dead girl that whispers "7 days." 7 days later: :dead



chantellabella said:


> I'm told a giant squid, but don't quote me on that.
> 
> Oh, about the circulation faux pas. That might be why I flunked out in med school.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't have casted it any other way! :clap

Considering Daniel C's ambiguous response, I shall try this in hopes of gaining some insight. Thank you for your wisdom.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Oh, this is so exciting!!! I've never done a wedding before. :clap Okay, lets see. At first I was thinking doves, but you know what? Way too cliche. You guys deserve better than that. That's why I'm doing angler fish. In case you didn't know, the male mates with the female by biting her. He releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body so that the two of them fuse together forever. By the end of it all, there's nothing left of the male but his balls hanging from the female's body. *swoon* It's just oh so lovely and romantic. The perfect symbol of love and marriage. And such a beautiful, majestic creature!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Absolutely perfect!!!!! I knew my idea of hiring you for loveless's wedding was the best idea I could offer.

Will you do my wedding when I marry Brad Pitt?

Well, first I have to do something with Angelina.

But yes, it will be spectacular!!!

Do you have a taxidermist card? you know..........so I can pass them around to a few neighbors and loved ones.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Absolutely perfect!!!!! I knew my idea of hiring you for loveless's wedding was the best idea I could offer.
> 
> Will you do my wedding when I marry Brad Pitt?
> 
> ...


Why I'd be honored to be the taxidermist for your wedding!!! I think it's beautiful that you're willing to prove your love to Brad Pitt by getting all competition and obstacles out of the way. If you're going to "do something" with Angelina, I'm assuming that means you'll be "doing something" about her adopted children too. That's why I think the theme of your wedding should be infanticide. You'll be telling the world "I love this man so much that I was willing to murder his family to make him available." I'll stuff a menagerie of animals, well known for infanticide, standing proudly over the infant kills of their romantic competition. Lions. Baboons. Meerkats. Wattled jacanas. Rats. It'll be absolutely lovely.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Why I'd be honored to be the taxidermist for your wedding!!! I think it's beautiful that you're willing to prove your love to Brad Pitt by getting all competition and obstacles out of the way. If you're going to "do something" with Angelina, I'm assuming that means you'll be "doing something" about her adopted children too. That's why I think the theme of your wedding should be infanticide. You'll be telling the world "I love this man so much that I was willing to murder his family to make him available." I'll stuff a menagerie of animals, well known for infanticide, standing proudly over the infant kills of their romantic competition. Lions. Baboons. Meerkats. Wattled jacanas. Rats. It'll be absolutely lovely.


Such a beautiful idea!! Yes! I must have that exactly!

Let me start sewing my wedding shroud post haste.

Anybody have a thimble?


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Such a beautiful idea!! Yes! I must have that exactly!
> 
> Let me start sewing my wedding shroud post haste.
> 
> Anybody have a thimble?












There you go. Straight out of the Monopoly box.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> There you go. Straight out of the Monopoly box.


thanks! You wouldn't also have some thread, lots of cloth and lace, two thumbtacks, a welding torch, 16 pairs of stockings, a semi-blue boulder and some chalk would you?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

stampeding water buffalo make a beautiful pate.



leprechauns stole my sanity


fig newtons should be ashamed of themselves



speaking of telephones why oh why do you never..........uh............hm................ forgot what i was gonna say. nevermind. 


im a cat whisperer.
i whisper don't pee on my rug 
she pees on my rug and then says "what? speak up. I can't hear you."

tonth dewpwessthas ma it touth to speth

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill laughed her *** off



open shut them 
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap

is that a jingle for an std commercial?


I thought it was
then it wasn't
so i looked it up on Wiki
Wiki was undecided
but someone had a nice article about building a retroactive perpetual motion device

I just wanted a recipe for dumplings.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Well, actually, yes, that would hurt.

Seriously,
Would YOU eat nine day old peas porridge in a pot?

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock

OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!

Not much plot
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse stir fried in his wok
The wok burned up
The mouse threw up
Hickory dickory dock

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I!

Now, let's discuss this. 
His moral identity depends on his ability to stick his thumb in a pie and pull out a piece of fruit. So if he stuck in his index finger and pulled out a watermelon, would he be even better? And what if he stuck in his pinky finger? Does that count on the moral meter? And grapes. Are they also considered moral? 
And what would constitute him being a bad boy? Rhubarb pie? Sticking his foot in? 

Want a hobby? Teach a child that this color
is blue
is red
is yellow
and is green
then see what happens 

My favorite book is called Humpty Dumpty Eggsplodes by Kevin O'Malley.
If you can't traumatize kids with books, then life just isn't worth living.

Ever watch a kid run into something?
They bounce.

My corner is a school bus stop. When the kids board the bus I watch what happens.
The elementary school kids have their faces plastered against the window mouthing "help!"
The middle school kids are hugging each other crying
The high school kids hang their head in resignation.

Verbally abusing teenagers is ALWAYS fun!

I'm so tempted to look at a new baby and say "YEAAAAAHHHH! That's an ugly baby!!!"

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel. (why? do monkeys hate weasels? do they hunt them? do they eat them?)
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun. (oh, the monkey is a sadist.........now i get it)
Pop! goes the weasel. ( egads!! why did the monkey explode??? or did he turn around and punch the monkey??? or did the monkey do something tragic???)
A penny for a spool of thread, (obviously this is an old rhyme)
A penny for a needle. (again...........way back when)
That's the way the money goes. (oh, so now the rhyme is talking about a budget.)
Pop! goes the weasel. (i see the plot developing. maybe the monkey was chasing the weasel who owed him money and he shot him with a pop gun. its all getting clearer.)
Up and down the City Road, (so the monkey chased the weasel around town to get his money back)
In and out of the Eagle, (and in and out of bars)
That's the way the money goes. (while the weasel ran with the pennies)
Pop! goes the weasel. (and the monkey shoots at him again)
Half a pound of tuppenney rice, (here we go with the budget analysis again)
Half a pound of treacle, (treacle?? is that edible? it sounds like a bridge part)
Mix it up and make it nice, (so either the monkey killed the weasel and now he's doing a cooking show or hes having an ADD moment and forgot what he was doing.)
Pop! goes the weasel. (almost seems like a weak after thought at this point)
why did the old man need to go rolling home?


Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!


does ANYBODY??!!! see the horror of this rhyme????

tonight on channel four

the spca along with the fbi coordinated a sting to catch a mentally ill man who thought he was king. the man caught 24 blackbirds and baked them alive in a pie!! four and twenty bluebirds were rescued and were not harmed.

in other news a garden maid was severely disfigured when a blackbird swooped down from a tree and bit off her nose. police believe this was a revenge related incident stemming from the four and twenty blackbird murders the same day. 

neighbors have been on the watch, wearing beekeeper masks and scuba equipment, fearing another revenge attack from the blackbird community.

extra police have been assigned to the neighborhood to watch for any suspicious baking.
live from channel 6 news....

three men were spotted rubbing soap on each other in a tub. police identified the exhibitionists as the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. when brought before the judge, they pleaded no contest. the judge shouted TURN THEM OUT KNAVES ALL THREE! 

people in the courtroom had no clue what the judge meant by his charge so they consulted little bo peep who had recently lost all her sheep in a craps game. 

she explained that it all started with humpty dumpty and his equilibrium problem. he also had an addiction to loitering on walls. see humpty had all the horses and cops busy with the glue gun tryna put his head back on. while the kingdom wasnt being watched the three little kittens went on a theft spree, stealing mittens from all the local wally worlds. while they were making a heist, with little kitty masks to hide their identity, the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker decided to form a secret society. they named the secret society RIGHTSIDE IN KNAVES. they wore all their shirts inside out. 

the judge had OCD big time and couldnt stand anybody wearing their clothes inside out. so when he passed sentence on the exhibitionists he was merely screaming FIX YOUR SHIRTS!!

as for the three little kittens............... they were held up in a cave outside nevada against 30 armed fbi agents. the fbi sent in a battering ram while playing love tunes by janis joplin 48 hours prior to the demolition. 

the kitties were subdued. 

fe fi fo fum i smell the blood of an englishman


what does the blood of a scotsman smell like?

I see the moon
and the moon sees me


kinda creepy dont ya think? like can he see into the bathroom shower? 

live at the 5 o'clock news

baby severely injured when he fell out of a tree. even though the parent knew it was a windy day, she put the baby and hi cradle up in the branches of the tree. tragically the bough broke. 

here you can see behind me, the mother being hauled off to jail in handcuffs for child endangerment. the baby who only suffered minor fractures contusions and lacerations was placed in the home of his uncle peter peter pumpkin eater.

news flash!!! 

peter peter pumpkin eater, the uncle of the child who fell out of a tree last thursday was arrested for unlawful imprisonment. it seems he put his wife in a pumpkin shell and subsequently the baby also. his reason was I COULDNT KEEP HER. 

police are investigating what peter meant by his statement. was his wife trying to run away? did he just not finish his sentence? 

stay tuned for further investigative reports.

People say “it’s all good.”

what if its all bad??!!!!

like what if tiny ninjas with toothpicks are waiting in the walls for me to go to sleep????!!

and what if cantaloupes are forming armies at this very moment??!!

and what if snowplows decide to climb mt everest????!!!

and what if tiny bubbles pop???!!!!

a lot could happen!!!!!!!!!!!


no more applesauce 

i dont even like applesauce

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
So she gave them some broth, without any bread,
And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.


does anybody see ANYTHING wrong with this picture???!!!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

mondays child is full of face
tuesdays child is full of flakes
wednesdays child is loving and fibbing
thursdays child hates thanksgiving
fridays child is kinda lazy
saturdays child loves too much paisley
and sundays child gets all the stuff cause their mom loves them better than the other kids

why do characters who deal with children have to coerce them?

Barney the Dinosaur: "Won't you say you love me too?" how sad
Mr Rogers: "Won't you be my neighbor?" again, pathetic 


The Wiggles: 
Where’s Jeff? Is he sleeping outside?
Where’s Jeff? Has he gone for a ride?
Where’s Jeff? Is he in the countryside?
Lookee lookee lookee lookee
Wy yi yi yi no comment, just creeped out

I've gotta shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
Clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
Clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
Jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
Jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
Yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
Yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
And wiggle my waggles away,
And wiggle my waggles away!



what does a waggle look like?

wait..........

don't answer that

im gonna ask strangers to wiggle my waggle away

what if a waggle is a vital body part?
if you wiggle it away you might die

and truly...........

can you really clap a crazy out?

seems like that would close down the pill industry

and wouldn't you look crazy standing there clapping like mad??

kinda defeats the whole clapping the crazy away

and if you can yawn your sleepies out then you can give up sleeping. just think how much free time you can have.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
His name is my name too
When ever we go out
The people always shout
There goes
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt


shouldn't that be there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidts?


i always wanted to have a name with a string of consonants like schlwthfsls.

hi my name is ms schlwthfsls. 

i bet you couldnt say that without spitting. 

or with a mouth full of sunflower seeds

mr wlkejrofsdi, pronounced 'Smith your table is ready

mr jrlwskygy pronounced jones your table has been given away to some guy who cant pronounce phonic sounds correctly

its HOWDY DOODIE TIME!!!

is that how its spelled?


because if thats how its spelled



well we call you know what doodie



so is the show saying hi (you know what)

is the show about potty training?????!!!!!


Day - o! Day a a- o! Daylight come and me wanna go home. Come Mr. Taliman tally me banana. Daylight come and me wanna go home.



huh? 

Oh wait!! I get it! It's Mr. Tally Man!! And the dude with the accent needs to know how much the banana costs. And after he finds out how much the banana costs, he can go home. 



It only took me 30 years to figure that one out.
You know............I would've just drowned Gilligan. 

Then I would've made a boat out of two radio receiver coconuts and sailed back to Hawaii. 

Seriously! Was it truly THAT difficult????



Politics
I vote for the maybe party.
This U.S. President vetoed a law giving full parental rights to chicken farmers over their livestock.
Beep!!
Yes, Ted.
Who is Count Chocula?
Correct!


Religion
Holy Peeps - An online discussion forum for canaries and songbirds who want to discuss God

Literature
To be or not to be– that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep
No more – and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to – ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.
Translation please.
I have issues. I want to die. But I also want to dream. So I guess if I die I won't be dreaming. So maybe I could sleep really soundly. Or die for a little while but can be resuscitated, you know like have an out of body experience and then I could tell everyone about that dream I had. But I have to put myself on pause now (possibly to go to the bathroom?)








i aint therefore i isn’t


Random questions and answers

the answer is c bob.

correct!!

live walruses do not text

a)	asparagus
b) the statue of liberty
c) johannesburg south africa
d) turtle wax
b)	d

do they just put the turtles in a blender and wait till a paste forms??


live on channel 8

dead pigeons



wouldnt that be dead on channel 8?


a a and a penguin went into a bar.........

love shack baby!!

huh?



the sasquatch are coming!! the sasquatch are coming!!!



its the thought that counts


Dust bunnies are procreating their species every 12 seconds.

fireworks rock!


i can sleep with my eyes open...........



watch..........

here come the reindeer!!


i found out


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

cant for the life of me think of it

cant for the death of me forget it
cant for the unconscious of me maybe it
cant for the drunk of me not slur it
too bad i aint drunk
so if you drank alchohol your drunk



if you eat food are you ate?
bananas are our friends
people just do not see the humor in mailboxes
i killed a mailbox once
it angered me
tazers are our friends
tazers should be used on anyone who asks a stupid question
can you tell me where 

what was i saying 
i talk to crawfish


they talk back
pillows cry
sheeps snort water!!
why dont we sleep with our hands and feet up in the air?
sheep dont eat shrimp
sheep dont eat shrimp
sheep dont eat shrimp 




no more waffles
people talk to cantalopes because they listen
pickles for everyone!!

jalapenos for no one!
my tableware left on vacation
the letter q feels lonely
do sheep count sheep to sleep?
do sheep sleep with their feet in the air to sleep?

elephants told me they voted last year
little bo peep lost her sheep

did she go looking for them like god?
god likes details
if you throw a ball way up in the air and it never comes down does god intercept it?
i bet god plays a mean game of basketball. he probably scores every time
does god were sneakers?

why did the basketball cross the road?
the answer is c, bob


correct!! for 600 points
road warrior??


why are you fighting the road??

did it do something to you?
i can see him 

sword in hand

dodging the semis


saying 


take THAT!!

and THAT!!

beating it to a pile of gravel


ok what was i talking about?? 

just kidding


dont beat me!!!!


my cat texted your cat
im sending you a bill

contrary to popular belief it is NOT further to new york or by boat


there will be a short news break on the hour for the president of the united states to apologize for stating such a way out there statement


thank you


Hah!!!! Somebody's been reading law!! 

Or watching Judge Judy. 

are cows holy cause people are always yelling HOLY COW!!

and what about HOLY CHICKEN!!

or HOLY PENGUIN!

there was a sign at the door!!!!

didnt anybody read the sign??????
the sign said no eggplant with sticks


its clearly marked


its under the sign that says mens bathroom
dont TOUCH me!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha!!!!



dogs fart
pigeons fly
birds do bookkeeping

do you own a llama??
you seriously need to get that leak fixed
Warning: this is a thread take over. Pleas do not panic.
from which orafice is the leak coming from??????????????????????
RED alert!! READ alert!!! hostile takeover in progress!!!!!


somebody call the mafia!!!!!

kiwis eat llamas!!!!
You don't want to know.... This leak is a bad one....
kiwis make coats out of llamas!!!!!
Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


Yeah, but only nose coats



lets analyze this sentence


what is the kiwi talking about????

does he wear coats on his nose????


did you ask him what his coat is made out of?????


LLAMAS I TELL YOU!!! LLAMAS!!!!

its all quite disturbing

i have superior toes
theres a cat eating my fingers!!!!!
just the crunchy parts
ow!! back off [email protected]@@

that last ones was the cat
yes i have bisquit parts


people dont live in trees
i cant believe its not butter
why are you telling me this captain

im a doctor not a 
chicken
dinosaur
telescope
first grade teacher
watermelon
grapefruit
asparagus


people treat cantaloupe like their special
i say let them eat with the peasants!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

im so probably repeating myself because i have no clue where i left off


now for new crazy..................


just in time for the shopping season

exploding balls!

fun to watch the little faces of the little innocent children who totally don't expect that to happen. 

Not a big explosion. Just enough to make them wet themselves.

I may be crazy, but I have my limits.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

> Too far away, no mere clay or royal ceremony, a war afoot.


This means something. I just feel it.

Let me go consult the book of armaments.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

STTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!


Ok.



You can go again.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

The light in Atlantis appears to be made out of a different substance. Whereas in any other place it appears to fall down without hesitation, here it flutters in spiral paths. Whereas anywhere else it only shows itself when touching the surface of something, here it appears to shine along its entire route. It is a pure, cyan essence that you cannot touch but that you sense between all your pores, clear and turbid at the same time, filling the entire orb with a magical fog that is no fog, like a gaseous syrup.
We enter the city through a marble gate of which the right pillar has collapsed but of which the top still magically floats above our heads. On both sides figures can be seen, but they have been digested by algae and mussels (on dry ground? strange). We scuff along the cracked pavement from which ferny plants come taste the air. 
"Where is everyone?" my French semi-mermaid asks. I love how she can't pronounce the 'w'. 
"I don't know," I say.
She looks at me and a confounded frown plows her forehead. "Where did you get those gloves?"
"These gloves..." I repeat. "Uhm... someone advised me to wear them."
"He advised you to wear gloves whenever you visited Atlantis?"
"It was a she. But yeah, that's right. She said: 'You don't know where those Atlanteans have been.'" 
In her dissonant eyes I can read her trust in me is rapidly declining. To distract the situation I point at a weatherworn sign board and say: "Lo, a hotel! Let's see if we can get a room to spend the night." 
Reluctantly, she follows me inside the dusky metalled lobby. "'Ello? Is there somebody?" the voice of my ally in bizarreness echoes between the walls. Somewhere deep in the building a nervous rumble starts to call out, gradually coming closer, until after two full minutes the door behind the counter opens. A man appears who consists entirely of greenish hair and wrinkles. His voice creaks with the wastage of years' inactivity. 
"Visitors?" he mumbles in a strange accent, "Visitors? Ha! I knew they would come. Always clean the beds in the morning, always serve breakfast and tea, even when there is nobody to drink it. I knew somebody would finally come to feel my duvets, to taste my croissants. Did you know I serve mackerell in the morning?"
I can see the girl is scared, even though she faintly reacted at the words 'croissants' and 'mackerell'. Even though I have no reason to be scared myself (this is my story, remember? the man came out of my own imagination) I still am. 
"Please write your names in the visitors' book," he squeaks, pulling out a chestnut brown book. "It's been so long since I had vistors. I can't remember."
I open the giant book and turn to the first free page, afraid the parchment will moulder between my fingertops. The last visitor entry turns out to date from 'July 14, 5470 BC'. 
"Do you have a pen?" I ask.
"A what, young man?"
"A ... a quill?"
"Ah! Of course, how could I forget?"
The mastodon positions a quill and ink bottle on the table. In purple letters I write: 
_Daniel C and companion, September 10, 2012 AD._
The man eagerly pulls the book away when I'm finished, so that an ink stain forms at the bottom of the page. It is hard to see because of the hair, but his face seems to deform with excitement. 
"Are you really Daniel C?"
"I am, why?"
"We've been waiting for you, young man. And for you too, young lady. You're expected."


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> The light in Atlantis appears to be made out of a different substance. Whereas in any other place it appears to fall down without hesitation, here it flutters in spiral paths. Whereas anywhere else it only shows itself when touching the surface of something, here it appears to shine along its entire route. It is a pure, cyan essence that you cannot touch but that you sense between all your pores, clear and turbid at the same time, filling the entire orb with a magical fog that is no fog, like a gaseous syrup.
> We enter the city through a marble gate of which the right pillar has collapsed but of which the top still magically floats above our heads. On both sides figures can be seen, but they have been digested by algae and mussels (on dry ground? strange). We scuff along the cracked pavement from which ferny plants come taste the air.
> "Where is everyone?" my French semi-mermaid asks. I love how she can't pronounce the 'w'.
> "I don't know," I say.
> ...


How cool!!! I'm loving this story.

And really sorry about almost ruining everything with my germaphobia.

*psst. just leave the gloves in your back pocket and use them discreetly*


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

At first Johnson thought it was a joke. Speeding down the country road the crude sign was only a blur. But it was that one word. Slowing down, he swung the Lexus onto the paved shoulder. In the rearview mirror, he could see it clearly. The sign was tacked to a stick that was stuck in the ground just beyond the paved shoulder.

Shifting the powerful car into reverse, Johnson jammed the accelerator down. The tires squealed and loose gravel flew as he tore back up the road. Screeching to a halt, Johnson stared at the faded handwriting:
ELSWORTH'S FAMOUS
SPIDER PETTING ZOO
5Ms Next RT


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Spiders fascinated Johnson. One summer, when he was eight, a large gold and black spider had taken up residence underneath the shingles by the back door. Every morning, Johnson would gather up ants in a jar from a nest in the scrubby woods behind his house. One by one, he would drop the wriggling insects into the web.

With lightning speed, the spider would spring from her hiding place and race towards the victim. Sinking her fangs into the ant, she would retreat, waiting for the poison to take effect. When the ant slowly stopped struggling, she would climb back down and delicately wrap her prey in a white shroud.

This continued until, one day, his mother caught him. "What a cruel little boy you are," she scolded between clenched teeth as she pummeled his backside. He could still feel the shame of being spanked.

Years later, in a rare moment of remorse, Johnson wondered what it was like for the ant. Trapped…helpless…waiting for the spider to return. Did they know fear or horror? Or was that something only humans experienced? The insect brain was too small he told himself. Or so he hoped.

Five miles, thought Johnson, This side trip might only add another half hour or so to his journey. He would still have time once he got to his motel to have a shower. The dinner meeting with the buyer from the supermarket chain wasn't until 6 o'clock and it was only 4 now.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> At first Johnson thought it was a joke. Speeding down the country road the crude sign was only a blur. But it was that one word. Slowing down, he swung the Lexus onto the paved shoulder. In the rearview mirror, he could see it clearly. The sign was tacked to a stick that was stuck in the ground just beyond the paved shoulder.
> 
> Shifting the powerful car into reverse, Johnson jammed the accelerator down. The tires squealed and loose gravel flew as he tore back up the road. Screeching to a halt, Johnson stared at the faded handwriting:
> ELSWORTH'S FAMOUS
> ...


A Lexus!!!???? That's just crazy talk!!

Onward..............at the spider petting zoo.

Did you get vaccinated first?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> Spiders fascinated Johnson. One summer, when he was eight, a large gold and black spider had taken up residence underneath the shingles by the back door. Every morning, Johnson would gather up ants in a jar from a nest in the scrubby woods behind his house. One by one, he would drop the wriggling insects into the web.
> 
> With lightning speed, the spider would spring from her hiding place and race towards the victim. Sinking her fangs into the ant, she would retreat, waiting for the poison to take effect. When the ant slowly stopped struggling, she would climb back down and delicately wrap her prey in a white shroud.
> 
> ...


Verrrryyyyy creepy.

Don't do it, Johnson!! Don't do it!!!

Oh wait.

I'm not sure what you're doing yet.

But I'm sure it has to do with spiders. :afr


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

is it ok to eat olives in the morning?


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> is it ok to eat olives in the morning?


No they are much to bitter why not try a fig.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> No they are much to bitter why not try a fig.


Now that's really crazy talk.

I'll just go eat some mayonnaise on a spoon.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

It's 2 am. What am I doing here? Oh yeah, there were elections. Apparently they are more important than my night's rest. There were smiling politicians. And balloons. And numbers, many numbers. And in the end the bloody conservatives won again. Now I'm traumatised. I need a really big cake.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> It's 2 am. What am I doing here? Oh yeah, there were elections. Apparently they are more important than my night's rest. There were smiling politicians. And balloons. And numbers, many numbers. And in the end the bloody conservatives won again. Now I'm traumatised. I need a really big cake.


Ok. Let me see if I have this straight.

Smiling politicians. Balloons. Really big cake. Many numbers. Bloody conservatives. No sleep. Trauma.

Were you at a stag party?


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Ok. Let me see if I have this straight.
> 
> Smiling politicians. Balloons. Really big cake. Many numbers. Bloody conservatives. No sleep. Trauma.
> 
> Were you at a stag party?


No, I was behind my television watching the Dutch elections. And in the end the conservatives won. The conservatives always win. Now I'm both tired and depressed. I hate conservatives.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> No, I was behind my television watching the Dutch elections. And in the end the conservatives won. The conservatives always win. Now I'm both tired and depressed. I hate conservatives.


I take it your conservatives don't like a lot of change?


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Cornbread muskets slippin' in Yank Gulch


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Jcgrey said:


> Cornbread muskets slippin' in Yank Gulch


Let's see if this is code for something.

Food weapons are clumsy in northern landforms.

Am I close?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

My imaginary friends had a party.


I wasn't invited.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Ah! I see there are no more crazy people here. 

This site cures crazy!!! :clap



Naw...............that's just crazy talk. :no


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

On the sixth morning of the infinite Atlantean night I wake up inside my seaweed bed. My head is still filled with the remnants of hazy dreams full of thylacines, dolphins and other mirages. Looking around along the wreck-wooden paneling, I realise there has never been a dream. Perhaps Atlantis is a dreamless place. I must ask the all but fossilised proprietor about that.
The wooden planks on which I prudently place my twinkling feet feels sodden with the liquid of five thousand years gone. Shivering, I shuffle towards the bathroom to take a shower. Upon seeing my face in the mirror I convulse. My hair appears to have taken on a grizzled glimmer, and my face appears to be covered with algae, as if it were a patch of wood. Quickly I open the copper shower faucet. The water feels warm like and old friend's hug, but its colour is greenish and remembers me of hotel owner's skin. Or, indeed, my own. I'm not sure if I like this place.
I towel with a sponge-like rag and quickly put on my cloths before sitting down on the edge of my bed (did I really sleep in there?). I ponder a bit while letting the cyan morning light creep over the moisty planking. I remember six days ago (they feel like six years, or even six thousand years) the fossil told me there was someone waiting for me. I'd better request to install the meeting as swiftly as possible. Precariously, I put my hands (are those really wrinkles?) inside my pockets and remember I have an iPhone with me. Amazingly, it turns out to have survived my underwater adventures and, in fact, appears to be the only object in the room to be unimpaired by the algae's corruption. I log in on facebook to see one of my friends just failed for his theoretical statistics exam. Once, I read someone claim facebook brought people closer together, but I cannot remember having ever felt so alone as now in my soggy hotel room, reading about my friend's theoretical statistics exam. I decide to take a picture of the turquoise city outside the window and upload it on my profile, adding the text: "Sight from my hotel room @Atlantis". Whilst doing so, I notice there is a gnawing hunger inside my intestines and I hurry outside the door, through the dusky corridor, off the stairs padded in scarlet, through a door reading 'Breakfast'. There are about ten tables for four persons each, and on the other side of the room there is an old woman gobbling a red lobster. I shakily shamble towards her, then utter a timid cough when I'm standing right behind her. Two eyes anxiously scan my face, one turquoise, the other azure. How could I have forgotten her? Just like mine, her hair has been subject to a rapid ageing-process, her skin has become bumpy like putrid parchment, but her eyes shine with the same determination, still contesting each other for the most attention.
"It's me," I wisper, "Daniel C. Your recognise me?"
"Take me away from here," she hisses.
"We can't, remember? The hotel owner told us we were expected by someone."
"That's right! Are you ready to come?" clanks a rusty voice behind me. I turn around. The proprietor is the only one of us three not having withered during the night. Probably he's already reached the pinnacle of withered-ness. 
"Please, I want to eat something. I'm hungry," I mourn. It sounds like a child's supplication. What's happening to me?
After having devoured a quiche made of seaweed, and having convinced myself never to set one foot in Atlantis again once I'm gone, the proprietor guides us to the street. "May I have your hand?" he asks with an ominous smile on his face.
"Why?" I ask nervously. 
"Why, to draw a map of the route you've got to follow. You don't want to get lost in this city, trust me."
"Can't you just use pap... parchment?"
"What's the difference?"
That's a good point. Reluctantly, I protrude my right hand. The quill tickles while the purple ink sucks itself into my skin cells. I quiver. 
"Done!" he says. "Good luck!"
"Why aren't you coming with us?" the French girl (girl? woman?) asks.
"Ha! You're a stranger. You wouldn't understand even if I told you. This city is no longer home to its inhabitants. Have a good trip!" and the door sinks into its hinges with a tremulous tumult. 
"Right?" she say. "And now? Let me see your hand." I raise it to eye's hight, and to my horror I see the ink has already commenced disintegrating. I prepare to knock on the door again, but the girl pulls back my arm. "Wait! Your gloves. You had transparant doctor's gloves with you, right?"
She's right. I stretch into my back pocket and pull out a creasy set of gloves, quickly shuffling them over my hands. It works: the inks stops blurring. We're just in time, the lines are just barely visible. "That way," I mumble, pointing in the direction of some tower that closely resembles the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (ah, Barcelona. Why did I ever decide to walk into the sea?). Our route resembles a labyrinth, but thanks to my nonpareil sense of direction I manage to guide us through the avenues, lanes, alleys, all flanked by crumbled or collapsed buildings and bathing in ultramarine shadows. We do not meet a single human being. Sometimes one or both of us think to hear a controlled howling in one of the side-alleys, but neither of us is brave enough to examine its origins. 
"I'm scared," her voice swims through the syrup air.
I want to say "me too," but I don't. Instead I say: "We're almost there."
And I'm right. We turn around a final aisle and stand opposite a swingeing palace, comprising spiraling steeples, meandering arcades, gardens filled with surreal plants and balconies made of unblended gold. Around stretches a fence made of cast iron, the gate being decorated with a bronze bell and an ivory sign saying: "Visitors, please ring." 
I ring.
A Tantarean sounds vibrates out of the bell, right through our bones, and further, in a perfect, expanding sphere around us, until it reaches the elfin castle. What follows is silence.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

This is great! A door marked "breakfast!" :clap

Now aren't you glad I insisted you bring rubber gloves?

Can't wait for the next installment!


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Earth People I was born on Jupiter 

Earth People New York and California

Earth People I was born on Jupiter


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> Earth People I was born on Jupiter
> 
> Earth People New York and California
> 
> Earth People I was born on Jupiter


Haiku for crazy people. 

We don't need no stinking 5-7-5

Our haiku is 10 - 10 - 10


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> My imaginary friends had a party.
> 
> I wasn't invited.






chantellabella said:


> Haiku for crazy people.
> 
> We don't need no stinking 5-7-5
> 
> Our haiku is 10 - 10 - 10


Dead dog laying by the side of the road
Soul weeping that her vessel's decaying
But now saved by the taxidermist's hand

Immortalized next to the condom plant 
Sitting lazily in southeast corner 
It is in there for feng shui purposes


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C will appreciate this 10-10-10 Haiku. There's a true story behind it.

Oh, horny holstein heifer in the barn
I wept when you took advantage of me
But now I forgive your heinous sex crime


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Daniel C will appreciate this 10-10-10 Haiku. There's a true story behind it.
> 
> Oh, horny holstein heifer in the barn
> I wept when you took advantage of me
> But now I forgive your heinous sex crime


:clap This is so beatiful. How can you handle such a heavy subject with such poetic superiority? I mean, the way you transfer your complex feelings in such a clear and intense haiku about betrayal and forgiveness. And then you even use an alliteration. I'm deeply impressed.


----------



## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Been there. Done that.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Daniel C will appreciate this 10-10-10 Haiku. There's a true story behind it.
> 
> Oh, horny holstein heifer in the barn
> I wept when you took advantage of me
> But now I forgive your heinous sex crime


And THAT, my friend, is why crazy = genius! :clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> :clap This is so beatiful. How can you handle such a heavy subject with such poetic superiority? I mean, the way you transfer your complex feelings in such a clear and intense haiku about betrayal and forgiveness. And then you even use an alliteration. I'm deeply impressed.


And what's even more genius is that crazy = being able to critique crazy. :clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Whir said:


> Been there. Done that.


:clap That's even better!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Dead dog laying by the side of the road
> Soul weeping that her vessel's decaying
> But now saved by the taxidermist's hand
> 
> ...


Touching in a straight jacket kind of way.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

A frigid gust whirls around my shoulders 
Is it me, or is time still playing tricks?
Is that an opossum in the distance?

***

Where did that orange IUD come from?
Why, it is autumn: fertility mourns
And therefore it rains anticonception.

***

Could you pass me the biscuit barrel please?
Not that I've ever liked biscuits, mind you
but then, this haiku is not making sense.


----------



## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

I feel intimidated now. You guys r getting all smart.

I thought this was some where I could fit in.

Crazy talk.


----------



## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

I seriously just Got scared to write in crazy talk.

Lol


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

What on Earth?
What on Jupiter?
Stuck in stupid stare
Iris blinded by intense glare
Quiet noise rare
Admissions comes in pairs
No I don't want to go the county fair!

or to work for that matter!


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Last night I awoke to find a strange man in my bed. It was only after several minutes of confusion that I realised it was me.


----------



## DiceOfDiscord (Sep 9, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Last night I awoke to find a strange man in my bed. It was only after several minutes of confusion that I realised it was me.


:spit


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

It occured to me today that "Where the sun don't shine" is an incredibly apt idiom to describe my erogenous zones. I'm not sure they have ever been in contact with direct sunlight--only indirect sunlight such as when I change clothes and forget to close my blinds. Is this why I have become a failure with midget genitalia? Do I need to tan my log?

log(tan


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> A frigid gust whirls around my shoulders
> Is it me, or is time still playing tricks?
> Is that an opossum in the distance?
> 
> ...


Brilliant. :clap Daniel C deserves his own thread in the The Arts section.



Whir said:


> I seriously just Got scared to write in crazy talk.
> 
> Lol


Oh, no! Don't be intimidated. There's nothing to be afraid of here. Unless you're afraid of spiders. Between Elsworth's Famous Spider Petting Zoo and The Silent Woods Of Arachna, there seems to be a lot of spiders in this thread. Did you know that The Silent Woods Of Arachna is the leading cause of death among the endangered Dutch people? Daniel C, Chantellabella, and I would appreciate it if you donated to the Dutch Conservation Project (DCP). We currently need more funding to give them all proper care, specifically prostate examinations.



avoidobot3000 said:


> It occured to me today that "Where the sun don't shine" is an incredibly apt idiom to describe my erogenous zones. I'm not sure they have ever been in contact with direct sunlight--only indirect sunlight such as when I change clothes and forget to close my blinds. Is this why I have become a failure with midget genitalia? Do I need to tan my log?
> 
> log(tan


And that's where math came from! :yay
...
...
...
He lamented that where the sun don't shine
His man log paler than a birch tree's bark
Little does he realize: he's a robot

(10-10-10 Haikus are fun!)


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Because of overwhelming success, I'll post some more 10-10-10 haiku's.

Could you pass me the electric chair please?
I'm sorry, I meant the biscuit barrel
slips of the tongue are so easily made.

***

You're sunburnt and there's blue dye in your hair
let me guess: you just returned from the States
Venezuela? Now that's fascinating...

***

World's equilibrium rests at my hands
but the early autumn chill makes them shake
damn, another civil war in Syria.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> A frigid gust whirls around my shoulders
> Is it me, or is time still playing tricks?
> Is that an opossum in the distance?
> 
> ...


Spewed my Cheetos on this!

Crazy is such a work of art. :clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Whir said:


> I feel intimidated now. You guys r getting all smart.
> 
> I thought this was some where I could fit in.
> 
> Crazy talk.


Fitting in????!!!!! That's just crazy talk!

We relish being insane!

We also like relish on our hot dogs.

Was that a haiku?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Whir said:


> I seriously just Got scared to write in crazy talk.
> 
> Lol


Don't be afraid.

We're ...............just...................a ................little.................crazy

Cue the organ grinding clown.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> What on Earth?
> What on Jupiter?
> Stuck in stupid stare
> Iris blinded by intense glare
> ...


So many r's...........

So little time.

I think I hear the elephants singing a showtune.

Just in time for that quiet noise.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Last night I awoke to find a strange man in my bed. It was only after several minutes of confusion that I realised it was me.


One must stop sleeping with mirrors.

Oh what am I saying? That's NOT insane to sleep with mirrors.

I think.

Now I'm not so sure.

What was the question?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

DiceOfDiscord said:


> :spit


Don't drink the Koolaid!!!!!

Noooooooo!!!!!!!

That's crazyyyyyy!!!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> It occured to me today that "Where the sun don't shine" is an incredibly apt idiom to describe my erogenous zones. I'm not sure they have ever been in contact with direct sunlight--only indirect sunlight such as when I change clothes and forget to close my blinds. Is this why I have become a failure with midget genitalia? Do I need to tan my log?
> 
> log(tan


Yes.

No.

Uh. Yes.

Can I use a lifeline?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Brilliant. :clap Daniel C deserves his own thread in the The Arts section.
> 
> Oh, no! Don't be intimidated. There's nothing to be afraid of here. Unless you're afraid of spiders. Between Elsworth's Famous Spider Petting Zoo and The Silent Woods Of Arachna, there seems to be a lot of spiders in this thread. Did you know that The Silent Woods Of Arachna is the leading cause of death among the endangered Dutch people? Daniel C, Chantellabella, and I would appreciate it if you donated to the Dutch Conservation Project (DCP). We currently need more funding to give them all proper care, specifically prostate examinations.
> 
> ...


:clap Encore!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Because of overwhelming success, I'll post some more 10-10-10 haiku's.
> 
> Could you pass me the electric chair please?
> I'm sorry, I meant the biscuit barrel
> ...


Brilliant!! Political Science, Geography and Cosmetology all rolled up in one haiku!

Oh........

Can someone also pass me an electric chair?


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

I wrote this haiku for pooheads who sing:
Onward! Onward! Onward!--never stopping
to consider if robots have feelings


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> I wrote this haiku for pooheads who sing:
> Onward! Onward! Onward!--never stopping
> to consider if robots have feelings


I can just envision the pooheads, with a backdrop of waterfalls and tiny squirrels. Lovely.

My imaginary robot told me to tell you that he does have feelings. He just shuts them down during power outages.


----------



## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

I can't crazy talk. :cry

Lol.

What's wrong with me.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Whir said:


> I can't crazy talk. :cry
> 
> Lol.
> 
> What's wrong with me.


That's just crazy talk!!

Sure, you can crazy talk!!

Um. What was I saying?

Somebody!!! Answer that text!!


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> I can just envision the pooheads, with a backdrop of waterfalls and tiny squirrels. Lovely.
> 
> My imaginary robot told me to tell you that he does have feelings. He just shuts them down during power outages.


The pooheads and tiny squirrels shiver~~
Water falls cold today through the Hoover.
Sans dams, I'd never know Cupid's quiver.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> The pooheads and tiny squirrels shiver~~
> Water falls cold today through the Hoover.
> Sans dams, I'd never know Cupid's quiver.


I've often wondered why Cupid's quiver quivered. Now I know.

And you definitely must watch the squirrels.

They plot.

always plotting.

waiting.

watching.


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> I've often wondered why Cupid's quiver quivered. Now I know.
> 
> And you definitely must watch the squirrels.
> 
> ...


and always wanting to know: what has I gots in my pocketses?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> and always wanting to know: what has I gots in my pocketses?


If it's not rubber gloves, you may want to borrow some from Daniel C.

Especially if you meet up with any roadkill waiting to be stuffed.

Or spiders.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Okay, some more 10-10-10 haiku's:

I look through a hole in my consciousness
wait, is it really that time already?
I must get to my lecture INSTANTLY!

- Post closed -


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Okay, some more 10-10-10 haiku's:
> 
> I look through a hole in my consciousness
> wait, is it really that time already?
> ...


I have a crazy thought.

How about 11's?

11 - 23- 6.

Yes, that feels right. :clap


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> That's just crazy talk!!
> 
> Sure, you can crazy talk!!
> 
> ...


Crazy talk? How about yoga pants, alcohol, and a broken Trojan :0


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> If it's not rubber gloves, you may want to borrow some from Daniel C.
> 
> Especially if you meet up with any roadkill waiting to be stuffed.
> 
> Or spiders.


It's true. :yes I got HIV that way once, but now I'm better. It was God's will. I'm the only one who's able to handle roadkill without gloves and feel the animal's true essence because I've been chosen.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> It's true. :yes I got HIV that way once, but now I'm better. It was God's will. I'm the only one who's able to handle roadkill without gloves and feel the animal's true essence because I've been chosen.


It is truly your Feng Shui essence, oh Taxidermist One. I feel I must climb to a high mountain and converse with goats to achieve what you have in your short time on this earth.

Oh, I sent you a get well card, but it came back. It seems that your home address was some Chick Fil A on Rodeo Drive.

Hm. What do you do with the innards of your stuffed animals? :sus


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Loveless said:


> Crazy talk? How about yoga pants, alcohol, and a broken Trojan :0


That's how my first child was conceived!! How did you know??!!


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Someone told me you do not like cheesecake
that's your decision but let me warn you
my backyard soil is quite rich in calcium.

***

Now is the time to prove that you're a friend
I've got a cucumber and a toothpick
choose wisely since there will be no return.

***

They told me I could become anything
now I have become a forlorn pear tree
but I doubt if it was really worth it.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Someone told me you do not like cheesecake
> that's your decision but let me warn you
> my backyard soil is quite rich in calcium.
> 
> ...


But it was so worth it. The world needs forlorn pear trees.

I choose cucumber. Did I get it right?

And those who said I don't like cheesecake are lying!!

Was it the squirrels?? :sus You do know you can never trust them.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

And it's good night from me, and its good night from him, Goodnight.
And the point of your story is ?
There is no point just thoughts going round and round in a useless loop
That's what I thought, I'm glad we cleared that up, it was really starting to bug be.
Talking of bugging me have you cleaned your bedroom yet, I thought not no pocket money for you.
The Mr Whippy van quick stop, I wanna ice cream, stop that van.
We are all going to die, you me and boy up the road.
What is the capital of Pluto, well it's not Uranus that's for sure.
The hole point of this thread is there is no point, that's why it has a mind of its own.
Ah okay that"s it I'm gonna crash.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Mark was sipping his tea in one of the fourty-six rooms of his residence in Palo Alto, California. His shoeless feet rested carelessly on the mahogany desk covered in sheets, telephones, and an exclusive Apple computer. He looked hushfully towards the Picasso painting on the other side of his office. It depicted a bare-breasted woman torn in some gruesome position, most of her limbs scattered all over the canvas's perifery. Mark had never fully understood what people saw in Picasso, but he had been unable to resist the temptation at the auction in London town, if only for the flabbergasted expressions that had appeared on the fat men's puffy faces when he'd cried out 'Thirty million!' And now he was stuck with an unsightly Picasso painting staring to him from the other side of his office. He thought of donating it to the Gugenheim to reinforce his image of generous benefactor.
One of his phones ran. It was his mother. Mark anwered obediently.
"Mark! Why didn't you call me yesterday? It's been a full week now!"
"I'm sorry mom," Mark defended himself nervously, "it's been a difficult week for me." 
That was true. His man in Asia had phoned him repeatedly, mostly in the middle of the night, to report some serious deviations in everyday processes. For instance, a flock of thylacines had been spotted in the centre of Seoul. Mark was currently investigating if his crystal orb - telepacy could have some unexpected side-effects. 
"Nuts! Don't talk about petty excuses. I'm your mother! I hope you'll remeber to call me on Sisi's birthday, otherwise you'll be in great trouble!"
She hung up. Mark couldn't remember who Sisi was - it was either the cat or the chihuahua. He'd phone his sister for more information.
Mark lived in the constant realisation that he had more power than any human being before him. Soon enough he had discovered that the extraterrestrial's crystal orbs could not only be used to read other people's thoughts, but also to implement his own thoughts into other people's brains - in other words, to give telepatic orders. He had submitted the entire world elite - politicians, world leaders, public figures - and now he held weekly meetings were he could update the brains of the chosen people with his recent plans.. These meetings had place in six of Mark's favourite cities, one in each continent, among which he had divided six of the crystal orbs, the seventh one of course always being close to Mark himself. 
Soon he had realised that to have a really thight grip on mankind would require him to know the thoughts, amibitions and opinions of common people as well. This was too much to handel telepatically - he didn't have time to listen to seven billion people independently. That was why he had set up facebook, and it had been a tremendous success. The program gathered all relevant information, arranged it, and presented it to him so that he knew what was going on in the mind of the Common Man. It was an infallible system. He had the world in the palm of his hand, he provided order and prosperity for those who deserved it, he kept the extraterrestrial content with huge amounts of tea imported from China - it worked, it all worked. Except the strange events in Seoul last week, they didn't fit into his system. It was not enough to make him panic, but it did plant a slumbering sense of anxiety inside him, on a place he didn't know existed. 
Mark was also a bit pissed off this week because his three hundred and thirty second girlfriend had just broken up. It was only the seventh time this had happened - usually he was the one to decide the relationship had lasted long enough. She had said that he was a 'snob', a 'parvenu' and an 'arrogant, stinking *******'. He could have called her back, of course, but there were others, many others. 
He decided to log on to his computer and see what would be the most popular posts of today. While the computer took seconds to check his password, he lifted his eyes to the green-framed window, through which the fierce Californian light seeped inside.
The computer was ready. Mark logged on to his Facebook Control Centre - a program codenamed 'blue zebra' - and waited for the results to upload. For one moment he closed his eyes and listened to the faraway shouts, klaxons, and bird chirping, that sounded muted as if it came from underwater. Mark noticed a strange feeling of happinness.
When he opened his eyes again he thought, for some seconds, he was in a dream. Then he realised he was still alive and a deep sense of panic - a feeling he had not experienced for at least four years - rose from his pancreas to squeeze his trachea and fill his brain. On the screen, irrefutably, there was a post of a certain 'Daniel C', reading 'Sight from my hotel room @Atlantis'. Above there was a picture that, if anything, was definitely not photoshopped - Mark had enough digital experience to ascertain that. 
In the many evaluations he had had with the extraterrestrial, the possibility that someone would ever discover Atlantis had never passed the table, and not a moment had he considered that possibility. He had no idea whatsoever what the consequences could be, but he had nothing to gain and everything to lose. He stood up, walked over to the Picasso and sank to his knees. He had the feeling somewhere, someone, was inaudibly laughing at him.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

bigblue38 said:


> And it's good night from me, and its good night from him, Goodnight.
> And the point of your story is ?
> There is no point just thoughts going round and round in a useless loop
> That's what I thought, I'm glad we cleared that up, it was really starting to bug be.
> ...


I understand


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> That's how my first child was conceived!! How did you know??!!


Oh god :0


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> And it's good night from me, and its good night from him, Goodnight.
> And the point of your story is ?
> There is no point just thoughts going round and round in a useless loop
> That's what I thought, I'm glad we cleared that up, it was really starting to bug be.
> ...


I understood every word of that!

Well, except for the pocket money.

And well, the bedroom scene was a tad confusing.

Oh, but I like ice cream. 

You .................... do know ....................that Pluto was demoted, right? :um


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> I understand


yes!!! the kick is good!!!!

oh wait.

we are playing football right?

Jeopardy?

Hm.

My bad for 200 points.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Mark was sipping his tea in one of the fourty-six rooms of his residence in Palo Alto, California. His shoeless feet rested carelessly on the mahogany desk covered in sheets, telephones, and an exclusive Apple computer. He *looked hushfully* towards the Picasso painting on the other side of his office. It depicted a bare-breasted woman torn in some gruesome position, most of her limbs scattered all over the canvas's perifery. Mark had never fully understood what people saw in Picasso, but he had been unable to resist the temptation at the auction in London town, if only for the flabbergasted expressions that had appeared on the fat men's puffy faces when he'd cried out 'Thirty million!' And now he was stuck with an unsightly Picasso painting staring to him from the other side of his office. He thought of donating it to the Gugenheim to reinforce his image of generous benefactor.
> One of his phones ran. It was his mother. Mark anwered obediently.
> "Mark! Why didn't you call me yesterday? It's been a full week now!"
> "I'm sorry mom," Mark defended himself nervously, "it's been a difficult week for me."
> ...


This is great!! Yes, I'm sure the psychedelic colors are due to my trip, but yeah!!

(Just kidding). I gave up that stuff for Lent.

Actually I never did drugs so sadly I can't blame it on that.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> yes!!! the kick is good!!!!
> 
> oh wait.
> 
> ...


What is Jupiter for 25 Alex.

An incredible journey!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> What is Jupiter for 25 Alex.
> 
> An incredible journey!


What rhymes with grapefruit?

*waits with intense anticipation*

Correct!!

For 100 points.


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

Um Bella we might have an issue


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Loveless said:


> Um Bella we might have an issue


OMG!! You're my "baby daddy!!!!"


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> OMG!! You're my "baby daddy!!!!"


Yup


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Hm. What do you do with the innards of your stuffed animals? :sus


Normally I just leave them on the doorsteps of people I don't like. But somehow they always know it's me. Witchcraft.



chantellabella said:


> You .................... do know ....................that Pluto was demoted, right? :um


F**k astronomy! Pluto was my favorite planet. Small and left on the outskirts of the solar system. We had a connection like that. The fact that it's now been demoted and forgotten just makes me love it all the more.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Normally I just leave them on the doorsteps of people I don't like. But somehow they always know it's me. Witchcraft.


I like. 



Secretly Pretentious said:


> F**k astronomy! Pluto was my favorite planet. Small and left on the outskirts of the solar system. We had a connection like that. The fact that it's now been demoted and forgotten just makes me love it all the more.


Speaking of Pluto................ no offense, Pluto.............although Disney named a dog after you, so you might want to sue.

What does the Star ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

No? Yes? No? :sus

*crickets* *someone blinks in the far dark corner* *someone pops a pimple in Toledo*

I think it's time for a showtune.

OOOOOOOOKKKKKKLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAhoma! where the wind goes sweeping down the plain. and the nanana and the nanana. and the nanananananaaaahhh!!!!!!


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

kill a man jar o


----------



## TakeOne (Jun 28, 2012)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOm!

*burp!*


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Jcgrey said:


> kill a man jar o


WITH the jar? :sus

And would it work on a woman? :um


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

TakeOne said:


> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOm!


The last sound you hear when a man is thrown off a cliff.



TakeOne said:


> *burp!*


*fart*


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

On behalf of this special occasion I'll write a poem called 'My life is a vacuum cleaner'.

*My life is a vacuum cleaner*

My life is a vacuum cleaner
it sucks up everything I
know
(that was an enjambment
for more information please visit
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enjambment)

My life is a vacuum cleaner
or is it an electric
chair
(did you see it?
an enjambment again)

My life is either a vacuum cleaner
or an electric chair
can you see through my tears
and see that I'm actually
laughing?

Probably not
you should visit the optician
you know that?

I hate being a pear tree
but sometimes fate leaves us 
no choice
it creeps up on us
and wispers in our ear:

Listen to me
your heart has been filled with enough 
sense
already

Listen to me
it's time to be
free 
and crazy
time to become
a pirate
a taxidermist
a wallflower

a pear tree

Upon my cheek there is
something 
I don't know
it won't let go
but well, at least
my eyes are still
blue

Is it me?
is it time?
is it the scientist's lunchbox?

I can't see clearly
because my contacts are 
made of milk glass

But I can see 
that 
my
life
has 
become
a
vacuum cleaner.

BAM!

-Daniel C, September 20th, 2012


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Special occasion? :um

Love the BAM!! 

My Life is a Vacuum Cleaner :clap

And............
In poetry, *enjambment or enjambement* is the breaking of a syntactic unit (a phrase, clause, or sentence) by the end of a line or between two verses. It is to be contrasted with end-stopping, where each linguistic unit corresponds with a single line, and caesura, in which the linguistic unit ends mid-line. The term is directly borrowed from the French enjambement, meaning "straddling" or "bestriding". Enjambment is sometimes referred to as a "run-on line."

Huh? :con

Again.......:um

Can I buy a vowel?


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

I am the flame itself and I shall burn pure in the South American sky, where the blood dogs worship the stairway.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

If a man walks clockwise for 30 minutes then eats brussel sprouts all hell breaks loose.


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Cork that raiden stalker. smash it down with the wet cheese and bostwha


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

At the occassion of one of their first meetings, the extraterrestrial had given Mark a phone number he could use, 'but only in case of emergency'. Mark judged that this fell under the category 'emergency' and rushed over to the secret vault located at the other side of his mansion. Halfway he almost tripped over the maid that had been taking care of his fourty-six rooms for four years now with an extraordinary efficiency. He also generally enjoyed the way her hips moved under that blue uniform. But he had no time to pay attention to that now and just wished her a pleasant day, which she replayed with her signature shy smile. 
The vault was located behind an early Renoir painting (bought in Paris) showing a well-rounded young lady. He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it- and peered into the dark steel box containing nothing but the orb and a scrap of paper taken out of what had then been his college noteblock. 
Mark's telephonic interlocution with the extraterrestrial was slightly delayed by the fact the telephone number happened to consist of three hundred and fourty six numbers, and by the unpleasant interruption of his mother, who phoned him when he was somewhere near the 250th digit with the message that Susie's (whose?) dog had been taken to hospital because of an ingrown toenail. But finally the extraterrestrial's serene yet magisterial voice sounded into his ear. 
"I hope this is urgent. I'm currently in the middle of a meeting with the board of the Committee for Ecological Spacial Garbage Management."
"Oh," Mark humbly replied, "I'm sorry. I didn't wish to disturb you. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly how urgent this is, but..."
"Just tell me, man."
Funnily, the extraterrestrial and Mark couldn't communicate telepathically whenever the distance was more than 300 lightyears - the extraterrestrial's planet reputedly being 3420 lightyears away.
"Well... The case is as follows. Apparently, someone... I don't know him, he calls himself 'Daniel'... Anyway, some human being has apparently, don't ask me how he did it, but apparently he discovered the whereabouts of the sunken city of Atlantis."
A long silence followed - it wasn't actually that long, but because Mark was used the extraterrestrial always immediately replied, it looked -sounded- like eternity. Even though he couldn't read them, Mark was positive the extraterrestrial's thoughts were something like 'What the hell'.
Finally, the reply sounded. "Okay, stay where you are. This is serious. I'm coming to you. I'll break off this meeting as quickly as possible and then I'll teleport. Hang on for a second."
(Note: Isn't this story getting exciting? If not, you're very mean. I'm honestly trying to make it exciting. Of course, exciting in a crazy way. Which is probably not the same as exciting. Okay, it's just crazy. Anyway.)
Three seconds later, the air around the armchair in the middle of the room started to solidify into what finally became the contours of the extraterrestrial. He looked tired, it was the first time he actually showed some sign of weakness. "Give me some... what was it called again?"
"Tea," Mark completed intuitively.
"Tea. Give me some tea please."
While Mark pushed the command button for the waitress to bring a teapot, the extraterrestrial started speaking - much faster than Mark was used of him.
"Listen," he said, "I -everyone- thought at the time Atlantis was probably destroyed, that it was buried under the salt water and nobody would ever be able to recover it. Are you sure... Yeah, right" -that was the advantage of being telepathical, you didn't have to interrupt your monologues to wait for an answer- "Right, well, it doesn't matter how this could happen, we need to act swiftly. If Atlantis still exists, there is a considerable -if not probable- chance the secret of the crystal orbs will still be known to the survivors. Which would mean this -what was his name again?- this Daniel C -whose name is Daniel anyway?- that this Daniel C is at the brink of unraveling the greatest mystery of all time. Which would lead him back to you. And with him the entire population of this planet. In other words, if we don't do anything everyone will soon know that you have been manipulating their lives for years. What do you think would happen?"
"Uhm... I don't know, really," Mark stuttered. "I think they would be... not amused. People on this planet generally don't like to be rule by one person, you know. They're all mad about this idea called 'democracy'".
The extraterrestrial gestured as if he needed to get rid of an irritating bug. "Ah, don't tell me about it. On our planet, we had this 'democracy' experiment... well, I don't want to be remembered to that period. Anyway, the situation is as follows: we need to do something, otherwise the human race will... eliminate you."
"We don't do that usually. I think I'd be imprisoned for life."
"Anyway. We need to stop this 'Daniel C'. And there's no way we could do that from here. You need to travel to Atlantis yourself. I cannot follow you there. Now is the chance to prove your aptitude for your position. Is everything clear?"
"Wait. When you say 'stop him', do you actually mean..." Though Mark already knew the answer. 
"You've got carte blanche, dear fellow. This is a matter of terrestrial importance. Right? Off you go then."
And the extraterrestrial vaporised like a raindrop. At the same moment the door opened, the waitress bringing in the teapot. Mark snatched it from her hands and drank three cups in a row. He felt terrified, exhilarated and anxious at the same time. Above all he felt the ache of his tea-burnt canopy.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> I am the flame itself and I shall burn pure in the South American sky, where the blood dogs worship the stairway.


Ah ha!!! So that's where the stairwell cult lives! Call the CIA! We have a lead.

Bring a hose.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> If a man walks clockwise for 30 minutes then eats brussel sprouts all hell breaks loose.


In his pants?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Jcgrey said:


> Cork that raiden stalker. smash it down with the wet cheese and bostwha


I've already contacted the CIA so let them know when they get here about the raiden stalker too.

We could use the wet cheese to put out the flames as well.

The bostwha will go well with the brussels sprouts.

Did you bring extra pants?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> At the occassion of one of their first meetings, the extraterrestrial had given Mark a phone number he could use, 'but only in case of emergency'. Mark judged that this fell under the category 'emergency' and rushed over to the secret vault located at the other side of his mansion. Halfway he almost tripped over the maid that had been taking care of his fourty-six rooms for four years now with an extraordinary efficiency. He also generally enjoyed the way her hips moved under that blue uniform. But he had no time to pay attention to that now and just wished her a pleasant day, which she replayed with her signature shy smile.
> The vault was located behind an early Renoir painting (bought in Paris) showing a well-rounded young lady. He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it- and peered into the dark steel box containing nothing but the orb and a scrap of paper taken out of what had then been his college noteblock.
> Mark's telephonic interlocution with the extraterrestrial was slightly delayed by the fact the telephone number happened to consist of three hundred and fourty six numbers, and by the unpleasant interruption of his mother, who phoned him when he was somewhere near the 250th digit with the message that Susie's (whose?) dog had been taken to hospital because of an ingrown toenail. But finally the extraterrestrial's serene yet magisterial voice sounded into his ear.
> "I hope this is urgent. I'm currently in the middle of a meeting with the board of the Committee for Ecological Spacial Garbage Management."
> ...


RUN!! DANIEL, RUN!!!!!!! Mark's coming to kill you and he's tanked up on a lot of TEA!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!

Daniel?

Daniel??

OH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I THINK THEY GOT DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

Bella .


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Loveless said:


> Bella .


That's just crazy talk!!

Loveless


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Did you get that paternity test yet?


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Did you get that paternity test yet?


I did. It turns out Daniel is the father :0


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Loveless said:


> I did. It turns out Daniel is the father :0


Daniel is the baby daddy??!!!!!

But he's going to be killed before the first commercial by aliens!!!!!

Who's going to pay for the diapers???!!

Anybody here a lawyer?


----------



## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Daniel is the baby daddy??!!!!!
> 
> But he's going to be killed before the first commercial by aliens!!!!!
> 
> ...


Nah... But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Wait - did I miss something?


----------



## intheshadows (Apr 5, 2011)

I've contemplated slashing the boss's tires...


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

There's a track winding back to an o-old fashioned shack
Along the road to Gundagai
Where the blue gums are growin' and the Murrumbidgee's flowin'
Beneath the sunny sky
There my mother and daddy are waitin' for me
And the pals of my childhood once more I shall see
Then no more will I roam when I'm headin' straight for home
Along the road to Gundagai


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Wait - did I miss something?


You were asleep while in Atlantis. We collaborated with them to get a sample.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

intheshadows said:


> I've contemplated slashing the boss's tires...


That AINT crazy talk! I do that regularly.

But wait. I'm crazy.

Hm.

Ok. That MIGHT be crazy talk.

Well, just a little.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

bigblue38 said:


> There's a track winding back to an o-old fashioned shack
> Along the road to Gundagai
> Where the blue gums are growin' and the Murrumbidgee's flowin'
> Beneath the sunny sky
> ...


Jack O'Hagan WAS crazy!

He should join this thread. :clap

And you, bigblue38 are crazy for quoting him.

And your country is crazy for singing him.

And who would name a town Gundagai?

And a river Murrumbidgee?

And seriously??!! Do you honestly think your mother and daddy are waiting for ya??!! The minute you moved out of the house, they sold everything, bought a Winnebago, and are presently on the road hightailing as far away from you as humanly possible on that continent.

That's just crazy talk!!


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> You were asleep while in Atlantis. We collaborated with them to get a sample.


Uhm... I'm afraid I still don't get it. Will all of this harm me in any way, financially or judicially?


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

Today I learned that nice smelling soap and tap dancing cure depression. Sniff soap for hope and tap yourself happy!


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> At the occassion of one of their first meetings, the extraterrestrial had given Mark a phone number...


Is there more? I need to know what happens. This is good stuff.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

There once was a man from Canada.
Whose name was Fred.
He died.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I once won second prize in a beauty contest - I got £10. I didn't get to collect it though because next thing I know I am being sent to jail. They didn't say what it was I had done, they just whisked me off - I was scared stiff I don't mind telling you. I didn't think this kind of thing happened here - I was in London when it happened - Trafalgar Square to be precise. Maybe they don't like boats. Anyway I eventually got let out and found a nice hotel in Bow Street to stay which wasn't too expensive.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Uhm... I'm afraid I still don't get it. Will all of this harm me in any way, financially or judicially?


financially - yes
judicially - yes

oh and I expect you to change poopy diapers too. So no excuses that you were on a mission for aliens and have to go to Atlantis every weekend.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> Today I learned that nice smelling soap and tap dancing cure depression. Sniff soap for hope and tap yourself happy!


As crazy as this seems................that doesn't sound crazy. :um


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Is there more? I need to know what happens. This is good stuff.


I'll let him off the hook only for a little while to type. Then it's back to babysitting.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> There once was a man from Canada.
> Whose name was Fred.
> He died.


Fred's dead???!!!! 

I'll surely miss Fred.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Fred's dead???!!!!
> 
> I'll surely miss Fred.


You will miss Fred? Why will you miss Fred? Were you into Bridge or cucumber shooting too? He liked his cucumber shooting, by word he could shoot a cucumber from 200 yards. Poor Fred, he didn't deserve to go that way.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I once won second prize in a beauty contest - I got £10. I didn't get to collect it though because next thing I know I am being sent to jail. They didn't say what it was I had done, they just whisked me off - I was scared stiff I don't mind telling you. I didn't think this kind of thing happened here - I was in London when it happened - Trafalgar Square to be precise. Maybe they don't like boats. Anyway I eventually got let out and found a nice hotel in Bow Street to stay which wasn't too expensive.


Somebody!!! Anybody!!!!! Get the straightjacket!!!!!

*whispers to typemismatch* That's not crazy talk. It's ok. Yes, I agree. There are nice hotels in Bow Street that aren't too expensive. 

ANYBODY!!! WE NEED HELP OVER HERE QUICKLY!!!!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> You will miss Fred? Why will you miss Fred? Were you into Bridge or cucumber shooting too? He liked his cucumber shooting, by word he could shoot a cucumber from 200 yards. Poor Fred, he didn't deserve to go that way.


Fred and I go way back. We started pickle shooting before you were born. Then I left the sport to pursue other things, while he moved up to cucumbers.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Fred and I go way back. We started pickle shooting before you were born. Then I left the sport to pursue other things, while he moved up to cucumbers.


He never mentioned his pickle shooting, he was probably a bit too embarrassed about that (no offence). He won quite a few cucumber events though, I remember the trophies, those golden cucumber trophies - looked good on the mantelpiece. It was a while before I realised they were cucumbers though :um


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> He never mentioned his pickle shooting, he was probably a bit too embarrassed about that (no offence). He won quite a few cucumber events though, I remember the trophies, those golden cucumber trophies - looked good on the mantelpiece. It was a while before I realised they were cucumbers though :um


Oh!! So that's why his girlfriends always had smiles on their faces.

Yes, I remember one time Fred shot a cucumber that was cowering high in the trees of the Amazon Rainforest. Caught it right between it's eyes.

Those were the good old days.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'


What exactly is BJ Thomas trying to say here?

Just because some guy's feet are too big for his bed, he should stand in the rain??!!


----------



## avoidobot3000 (Aug 22, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> As crazy as this seems................that doesn't sound crazy. :um


Maybe because you're crazy?  Regardless, I just wanted to help people who are averse to drugs and therapy. Carry on!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

avoidobot3000 said:


> Maybe because you're crazy?  Regardless, I just wanted to help people who are averse to drugs and therapy. Carry on!


LOL!!! This gave me a much needed laugh!

It's great!!!

Crazy, yes. But great!!


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

That sweater is fabulous.

boxes and boxes and boxes of fry pans are not fabulous 

no mas, I say no mas!

truck 1, truck 2

another fry pan to unload for you

I wonder if there are fry pans on Jupiter?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> That sweater is fabulous.
> 
> boxes and boxes and boxes of fry pans are not fabulous
> 
> ...


no se :stu

But I'll bet if there *were* frying pans, the universe would be a better place.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Star light
Star bright
First star I see tonight.

Is that star getting closer?

Oh sh*t!!


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

hunker down in the bunker


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> hunker down in the bunker


With a hunk of cheese.


----------



## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

haha, this dude would dominate this thread:



MrHappens said:


> I shall have 7 of 14 for this.
> 
> If it comes off as a scam for a spam, then give me liberty or give me death. Next, come to the abandoned warehouse where there's a dirty party full of oil and dirt. ARG! It's going to be a lot of money into these BOX TOP concessions this month. At this rate I"ll expect all the fathers to wash their hands. Over my dead body will there be a vampire romance story; my devil fantasia. I drink wine and it shows when I go fishing in the summer I come back with a ladle in my hand. It won't budge. I'm pissed off and my gills are burnt from all that scoffing. I need a vacation. I can't witness another soul cast off an ostracized, glum gord. It could just be a reflection of my old self. FCKERS! Come back and dance. We got a coffee table!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Twelve Keyz said:


> haha, this dude would dominate this thread:


is that a real person here? :um

I agree, that was kinda out there.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

In the interest of mankind, mankind will elevated to the term "beingthathappenstoliveontheplanetkind."

Those of you who do not live on the planet, need to come up with your own term. 

Thank you.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Is it ok to eat jello for dinner? 

I mean. Just jello.

the green kind.


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

(All my friends are brown and red) Spoonman And all my friends are skeletons (They beat the rhythm with their bones) spoonman


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> (All my friends are brown and red) Spoonman And all my friends are skeletons (They beat the rhythm with their bones) spoonman


Black Hole Sun, Won't you come And wash away the rain?


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Zeppelin said:


> Black Hole Sun, Won't you come And wash away the rain?


Soundgarden:heart


----------



## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

catching a ride on a dandelion
I lost my way before I could find
the starting line of no rewind.
step back.
cataract of the brain.
demand a new time
before you learn to count.
recount.
I've lost track again.
don't ask me for a reason
I'm just here, disillusioned.


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

I once bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.


----------



## Flame Sixtyone (Aug 27, 2009)




----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> (All my friends are brown and red) Spoonman And all my friends are skeletons (They beat the rhythm with their bones) spoonman


rawr does good crazy talk!:clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Black Hole Sun, Won't you come And wash away the rain?


See? And we just thought they were lyrics.

It was crazy talk all the time!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Common Misconception said:


> catching a ride on a dandelion
> I lost my way before I could find
> the starting line of no rewind.
> step back.
> ...


Yes.

Uh. :um

No.

Uh. :um

Can I buy a vowel?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> I once bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.


:clap

Like!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

HardRock said:


>


waaaaaasssssssssuuuuppppppppppp???!!!!!!!!


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends they're in my head.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Il y a une maison à Nouveau Orléans
On l'appelle le Soleil Levant
Et c'a été la ruine des plusieurs garçons pauvres
Et Dieu, je sais que j'en suis un.

Ma mère était une couturière
Elle a cousu mes nouveau bleu jeans
Mon père était un homme pariant
Là-bas à Nouveau Orléans.

Bien la seule chose dont un parieur a besoin
Sont un mallette et un coffre
Et le seul moment qu'il est content
Est quand il est presque ivre.

Oh mères dites votre enfants
De ne pas faire ce que j'ai fait
Passez votre vie en péché et misère
Dans la Maison du Soleil Levant.

Donc j'ai un de mes pieds dans le quai
Et l'autre dans le train
Je retournerai à Nouveau Orléans
Pour pourtes ces ballon et chain.

Alors il y a une maison à Nouveau Orléans
On l'appelle le Soleil Levant
Et c'a été la ruine des plusieurs garçons pauvres
Et Dieu, je sais que j'en suis un.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I got gas, people say I don't have gas, but I got gas. Plenty of gas, enough gas to last all week even if twelve people needed gas. Sometimes I think people don't think I have enough gas, but I've got gas. I know what your thinking - your thinking I probably don't have enough gas, but I do, I've got gas, plenty of gas.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends they're in my head.


Yay! At least they're friendly. :clap


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Il y a une maison à Nouveau Orléans
> On l'appelle le Soleil Levant
> Et c'a été la ruine des plusieurs garçons pauvres
> Et Dieu, je sais que j'en suis un.
> ...


The House of the Rising Sun?

Yes! I got it right!

200 points!!!

Google is my friend.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I got gas, people say I don't have gas, but I got gas. Plenty of gas, enough gas to last all week even if twelve people needed gas. Sometimes I think people don't think I have enough gas, but I've got gas. I know what your thinking - your thinking I probably don't have enough gas, but I do, I've got gas, plenty of gas.


Tums?
Gas X?
Pepto?


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Lost in translation or just lost in traffic?
Was it 99 South or 99 North?
Sacramento 5 miles away?
What in the? Windmills!!!???
I don't like this
This is not Jupiter


Curse you goggle maps!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Will a GPS find Jupiter?


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

This is major Tom to ground control, I'm stepping through the door 
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way .


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> The House of the Rising Sun?
> 
> Yes! I got it right!
> 
> ...


+ 10

The next one is worth 20.

Bon, donc tu pense que tu peut distinguer
le paradis de l'enfer
des ciels bleus de la douleur.
Est-ce que tu peut distinguer un champ vert
d'une rampe bleu froide?
Un sourire d'une voile?
Pense-tu que tu peut distinguer?

Et ont-ils t'amené d'échanger
tes héros pour des spectres?
Des cendres chauds pour des arbres?
De l'air chaud pour une brise froide?
Du confort froid pour du changement?
Et est-ce que tu a échangé
ton rôle comme figurant dans la guerre
pour un rôle principal dans un cage?

Comment j'aimerais, comment j'aimerais que tu étais ici
Nous ne sommes que deux âmes perdus natatoires dans un bocal à poissons
l'année après l'année,
courant au cours du même vieux sol,
qu'est-ce qu'on a trouvé?
Les mêmes vieux craintes.
J'aimerais que tu étais ici.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Will a GPS find Jupiter?


LIGHT BULB

If it doesn't I'll stop off at Mars and ask for directions.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> This is major Tom to ground control, I'm stepping through the door
> And I'm floating in a most peculiar way .


I'm thinking those guys were floating on a couple of things when they wrote that song.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> + 10
> 
> The next one is worth 20.
> 
> ...


Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here. 

Hey! You're up against a librarian. I ooze finding the obscure information


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> LIGHT BULB
> 
> If it doesn't I'll stop off at Mars and ask for directions.


Do you speak Martian?

Because if not, they might shoot you.

I mean we ARE on their planet presently shooting up their rocks.

You might watch a few Looney Tunes movies and learn to say in Martian "I come in peace, even though we're blowing up sh*t on your planet."


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here.
> 
> Hey! You're up against a librarian. I ooze finding the obscure information


Right. I'll make it a bit more difficult then.

Er is een dame die weet: al wat fonkelt is goud
En ze koopt een trap naar de hemel
Al ze daar komt, dan weet ze: als alle winkels gesloten zijn
Kan ze met een woord toch krijgen waarvoor ze gekomen is
Oh, oh, en ze koopt een trap naar de hemel.

Er is een teken op de muur, maar ze wil het zeker weten
Want weet je, sommige woorden hebben twee betekenissen
In een boom bij de beek zit een zangvogel die zingt
Soms zijn al onze gedachten beangstigend
Oh, het maakt me benieuwd
Oh, het maakt me benieuwd.

Er is een gevoel dat ik krijg als ik naar het westen kijk
En mijn geest smeekt om te vertrekken
In mijn gedachten heb ik door de bomen ringen van rook gezien
En de stemmen van degenen die staan te kijken
Oh, het maakt me benieuwd
Oh, het maakt me echt benieuwd.

En het wordt gefluisterd dat binnenkort, als we allemaal de melodie kennen,
Dat de doedelzakspeler ons dan tot de rede zal leiden
En een nieuwe dag zal aanbreken voor degenen die lang gewacht hebben
En in de bossen zal gelach weerklinken.

Als er een gewoel in je heg is, wees dan niet gealarmeerd
Het is gewoon een voorjaarsschoonmaak voor de Meikoningin
Goed, er zijn twee paden die je kunt volgen, maar uiteindelijk
Is er altijd nog tijd om van pad te veranderen
En het maakt me benieuwd.

Je hoofd zoemt en het gaat niet weg, mocht je dat niet weten
De doedelzakspeler roept je om je bij hem aan te sluiten
Beste dame, kun je de wind horen waaien en wist je
Dat je roltrap zich bevindt op de fluisterende wind?

En terwijl we de weg afzakken
Zijn onze schaduwen langer dan onze ziel
Daar loopt een dame die we allemaal kennen
Die wit licht uitstraalt en wil laten zien
Hoe alles nog steeds in goud verandert.

En als je heel goed luistert
Dan komt de melodie uiteindelijk tot je
Als alles een is en een alles, ja
Dan ben je een steen zonder te rollen.

En ze koopt een trap naar de hemel.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Do you speak Martian?
> 
> Because if not, they might shoot you.
> 
> ...


I took a few Martian language courses back in the year 3030.


----------



## TakeOne (Jun 28, 2012)

I was walking down 51st and Broadway the other day when I encountered a well dressed man eating a pastrami sandwich on rye with mustard. 

So naturally I struck him on head with a golf club.

I love pastrami.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Right. I'll make it a bit more difficult then.
> 
> Er is een dame die weet: al wat fonkelt is goud
> En ze koopt een trap naar de hemel
> ...


Led Zepplin - Stairway to Heaven in Dutch. I have a friend in the Netherlands and immediately recognized the language.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> I took a few Martian language courses back in the year 3030.


That's good. Could you explain to them that we are blowing up their rocks because we don't know any better?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

TakeOne said:


> I was walking down 51st and Broadway the other day when I encountered a well dressed man eating a pastrami sandwich on rye with mustard.
> 
> So naturally I struck him on head with a golf club.
> 
> I love pastrami.


Make sure you add swiss cheese. That will stick better.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

*Part 12*

After two full minutes of silence, during which not even our breath dares disturb the moisty air, the cast iron gate creaks open with a tremulous roar, as if moved by an invisible gatekeeper. "Come," I wisper, taking my companion's wrinkled hand inside my own, the rubber glove crackling against her skin. We shuffle along the winding lane, between solidified fountains and purple plants and statues without a head, towards a pair of doors that are supposedly made out of ebony that hides beneath a layer of soft seaweed. 
"I better just knock, right?"
The sound of my knuckles echoes between walls extracted from our sight. This time we only have to wait half a minute before the ebony doors open with equal tumult, showing the silhouette of a hunchbacked figure lined out against the golden light of a prodigious entrance filled with stairs, paintings and chandeliers.
"We've been waiting for you, please come further. I'm the butler," the figure says in a courteous voice. As soon as we pass the gate, a warm and refreshing feeling comes over me, and in me, and looking down I see the skin behind my gloves has reverted to its normal form. Next to me, the French girl has also regained her youthful mermaid-like appearance.
"What in heaven's name just..."
"Please have some patience, dear visitor. I'm only the butler. Please follow me."
The French girl (perhaps I should ask her name, I think, but no, that would divest her veil of mystery) pulls my arm as if it is a safety break. "I don't trust this," she whispers, while the old butler waddles up the ivory stairs, "he's only guiding us deeper into this realm of nightmare. I want to go..." She doesn't finish her sentence, but I can think the word she wanted to utter.
"Listen," I whisper back (I've never been a good whisperer, it always sounds either creepy or ridiculous and in this moment it sounds both), "listen, we can't go away, remember? We're stuck here. If we'd try to leave this place we'd drown before reaching the surface. Perhaps whoever lives here can help us escape."
She falls still, but I can hear her thinking "Why did I ever come with you?", which is strange, because normally I am rather pathetic at guessing other people's thoughts. 
We join the butler, who has patiently waited for the conclusion of our silent conversation, up the stairs. He opens two glass doors and leads us to a long corridor decorated with paintings of bearded men and a few women, all wearing the same scallop crown over their long, vegetal hairs. The butler moves in front of us without hesitating, like a vehicle. It gets colder and colder, I feel my skin bend beneath my sweater. No one talks, the corridor is seemingly endless, it bends off to the left, then bends back again, now and then we pass a door but the butler walks past them without even moving his neck musles. Sometimes we pass a painting that I think I've seen before, but all the men have similar beards and all the women have the same aura of remoteness. I start to wonder if my companion was right, if we are indeed guided towards a point from where no return is possible, where we will be fed to the damp putrefaction of Atlantis that will devour our fingers first, then our skin, our organs, our heart, and then, at the very last, our brains. At that point, however, we turn around a sudden corner and before us the corridor ends in two dark brown doors with inlaid pearls in them. 
"Please enter," the butler says. I put my hand to the doorknob and feel it's made of ice.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> *Part 12*
> 
> After two full minutes of silence, during which not even our breath dares disturb the moisty air, the cast iron gate creaks open with a tremulous roar, as if moved by an invisible gatekeeper. "Come," I wisper, taking my companion's wrinkled hand inside my own, the rubber glove crackling against her skin. We shuffle along the winding lane, between solidified fountains and purple plants and statues without a head, towards a pair of doors that are supposedly made out of ebony that hides beneath a layer of soft seaweed.
> "I better just knock, right?"
> ...


Who knew that Atlantis could be such a scary place? I always thought it had unicorns.


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Crazy is as crazy comes


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> That's good. Could you explain to them that we are blowing up their rocks because we don't know any better?


Roger that. I'll try to smooth things over with some graham crackers and capri suns.

Hopefully they will understand.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

If I think too long I usually end up with a bad ankle. Ankles can be bothersome, especially if said ankle is tightened with a spanner. Spanners should only be used in emergencies, or in poorly written crime dramas starring that guy from the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes adverts. Sometimes I think I will, but this usually ends badly.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

You can take a horse to water (how the hell do you take a horse to water, last time I tried it by shouting instructions but said horse didn't listen, then I tried pointing in the direction of the water but said horse wasn't interested, I mimed drinking water but I could tell the horse was thinking I was some kind of lunatic). You can't take a horse to water (unless you are some kind of horse directing expert).


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

They say that Rome wasn't build in a day. No **** sherlock, "They" are ****ing geniuses, I'd like to meet these people, I really would.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Crazy is as crazy comes


But does crazy was as crazy goes?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> Roger that. I'll try to smooth things over with some graham crackers and capri suns.
> 
> Hopefully they will understand.


Great plan! They need more people like you at NASA. :clap

I can write you a letter of recommendation. My brother works there.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Didn't know what time it was, the lights were low. I leaned back on my radio. Some cat was layin' down some rock'n'roll.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> If I think too long I usually end up with a bad ankle. Ankles can be bothersome, especially if said ankle is tightened with a spanner. Spanners should only be used in emergencies, or in poorly written crime dramas starring that guy from the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes adverts. Sometimes I think I will, but this usually ends badly.


So that's where I've seen the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes guy!!

And I first read poetry written crime drama.

To shoot or not to shoot
That is the question
Whether tis nobler to ............


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> You can take a horse to water (how the hell do you take a horse to water, last time I tried it by shouting instructions but said horse didn't listen, then I tried pointing in the direction of the water but said horse wasn't interested, I mimed drinking water but I could tell the horse was thinking I was some kind of lunatic). You can't take a horse to water (unless you are some kind of horse directing expert).


LOL!! So true.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> They say that Rome wasn't build in a day. No **** sherlock, "They" are ****ing geniuses, I'd like to meet these people, I really would.


Surely it took about 3 days. What with all those heavy stones and stuff.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Didn't know what time it was, the lights were low. I leaned back on my radio. Some cat was layin' down some rock'n'roll.


David Bowie rocks!

His Starman was a little out there though.


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you've stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammad Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember, my brother: one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick-knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand zero zero party...Oops! Outta time, my bacon smellin' fine!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you've stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammad Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember, my brother: one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick-knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand zero zero party...Oops! Outta time, my bacon smellin' fine!


But..........

Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am.

What about in a box?

Um. Wouldn't that be kinda messy?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

STOP!!!!


In the name of love
Before you break ..............uh,...............something.

Break my dove?
Break my leg?

Hm.


Break my bone?


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

A giant egg was sitting on a wall when it fell. Some horses came along. It ended badly.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> A giant egg was sitting on a wall when it fell. Some horses came along. It ended badly.


Ouch!!!!

My question is ...................don't you think the king should get some new men? They could have used tape. Or string. Or cow dung glue. Something!

Unless of course, the squishing happened before they got off their horses. In that case the king should get better riders.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Watch my lips move........................


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Ouch!!!!
> 
> My question is ...................don't you think the king should get some new men? They could have used tape. Or string. Or cow dung glue. Something!
> 
> Unless of course, the squishing happened before they got off their horses. In that case the king should get better riders.


:idea The king should have sent the jester to deal with that crap.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

A wall is no place for a giant egg.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> :idea The king should have sent the jester to deal with that crap.


Or at least a janitor.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> A wall is no place for a giant egg.


I know. You'd think they would have figured that out.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

See the mice in their million hordes. From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

My friend texted me this the other day....
" Unicorns right lightning down to the land of sand across the frozen fire down the palm tree into the nest of dragon wings up the spine of a card game of life" o.o


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

And I feel it is made of ice. Through the thin layer of rubber the cold takes hold of my trebling hand; quickly I push open the door, it moves without a sound. The unreal light that crashes through the dooway blinds us for a moment, but as soon as our eyes are accustomed to this brighter shade of light, the situation unfolds for us in all its imposture. Everything ice, from the reflective floor to the lofty ceiling to the semi-transparent walls that, at an unfathomable distance, appear to contain the frozen bodies of garble figures. But our eyes are irrevocably drawn by the centrepiece of this bizarre scene, to a trone made of bright blue block of frazil, upon which is seated a lady surrounded by seventeen spheres of infrangible beauty that fill the entire room. She wears the scallop crown I have seen in the paintings, together with a sapphire dress that droops all the way to the floor. At here feet lies a unicorn, white as a seagull with gold foil manes, gently chewing a lump of seewead. I am flabbergasted in all parts of my soul.
"Welcome, you both," she says with a smile that indorses centuries of solitude and makes me feel naked and vulnerable, "I owe you an explanation. It was me who sent you the dolphins, it was me who instructed the old hotelier and the dear butler at the other side of the door. I need your help."
I am struck by a strong sense of forgetfulness regarding the art of speaking. The only thing that leaves my mouth is an animal-like squeak. 
"Don't worry," the Atlantean queen smiles, "you don't have to say anything. I can read you, and I see you're both anxious. I understand, you've been through a lot. You couldn't even have imagined the existence of our city. And now you're in the midst of the craziest adventure you've ever gone through."
She speaks with a strong British accent that fills my limbs with an ardour that's stronger than the breath of the ice blocks. Before I can react she continues:
"Listen, I'm going to explain it all. But please take a sit first. It's going to be a long story." 
I look around and see there are two satin chairs I could have sweared weren't there when we entered. I sit down, the French semi-mermaid (she doesn't look so shiny after all) follows my example. The queen opens her mouth (her teeth are like ivory) and commences her story.


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

Zeppelin said:


> See the mice in their million hordes. From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads


It's on America's tortured brow that Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> See the mice in their million hordes. From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads


Ok. Where is that one from?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Argh!! I'm caught in a comment edit twilight zone. It won't let me out!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> My friend texted me this the other day....
> " Unicorns right lightning down to the land of sand across the frozen fire down the palm tree into the nest of dragon wings up the spine of a card game of life" o.o


:afr


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> It's on America's tortured brow that Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow.


I agree.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Ok. Where is that one from?


Life on Mars- David Bowie


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> And I feel it is made of ice. Through the thin layer of rubber the cold takes hold of my trebling hand; quickly I push open the door, it moves without a sound. The unreal light that crashes through the dooway blinds us for a moment, but as soon as our eyes are accustomed to this brighter shade of light, the situation unfolds for us in all its imposture. Everything ice, from the reflective floor to the lofty ceiling to the semi-transparent walls that, at an unfathomable distance, appear to contain the frozen bodies of garble figures. But our eyes are irrevocably drawn by the centrepiece of this bizarre scene, to a trone made of bright blue block of frazil, upon which is seated a lady surrounded by seventeen spheres of infrangible beauty that fill the entire room. She wears the scallop crown I have seen in the paintings, together with a sapphire dress that droops all the way to the floor. At here feet lies a unicorn, white as a seagull with gold foil manes, gently chewing a lump of seewead. I am flabbergasted in all parts of my soul.
> "Welcome, you both," she says with a smile that indorses centuries of solitude and makes me feel naked and vulnerable, "I owe you an explanation. It was me who sent you the dolphins, it was me who instructed the old hotelier and the dear butler at the other side of the door. I need your help."
> I am struck by a strong sense of forgetfulness regarding the art of speaking. The only thing that leaves my mouth is an animal-like squeak.
> "Don't worry," the Atlantean queen smiles, "you don't have to say anything. I can read you, and I see you're both anxious. I understand, you've been through a lot. You couldn't even have imagined the existence of our city. And now you're in the midst of the craziest adventure you've ever gone through."
> ...


At first I thought she was a centerpiece and I was wondering if our local taxidermist was appearing in this part.  Can't wait to find out the whole sordid story.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Life on Mars- David Bowie


arggh I should have known this one!!!


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> :afr


Lol he's an odd one


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Take a jumbo cross the water, like to see America.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

See the girls in California


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Take a jumbo cross the water, like to see America.


Supertramp.

No!! I'm not calling you that!

Ok. You set me up with that answer didn't you?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> See the girls in California


:sus

:con



Which girls?

But why?


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. Got to keep the loonies on the path.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

So one day I was leaning against a wall when a thought suddenly pronounced upon my brain. What if I'm not leaning against this wall, but it's leaning against me. Hmmmmph, at best the wall is merely a charlatan that needs taking down a peg or two, or just taking down altogether. Or maybe worse, maybe the wall is using me like a cheap insurance salesman uses a prostitute. I've got to speak to Newton about this, he knows a thing or two about walls.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. Got to keep the loonies on the path.


Yes.........Pink Floyd was the master at crazy talk!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> So one day I was leaning against a wall when a thought suddenly pronounced upon my brain. What if I'm not leaning against this wall, but it's leaning against me. Hmmmmph, at best the wall is merely a charlatan that needs taking down a peg or two, or just taking down altogether. Or maybe worse, maybe the wall is using me like a cheap insurance salesman uses a prostitute. I've got to speak to Newton about this, he knows a thing or two about walls.


LOL!! I think that happens a lot in life. It's always the "other guy's" fault.

But then again....... :afr

I heard they can't be trusted either.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Ok, ima going to try out some poetry. It's going to be the rhyming stuff cos I aint wearing a smoking jacket at the moment. Ima do a poem of some sorts but it aint gonna be good. This ain't it by the way just in case you are wondering. Shiit this introduction is longer than the poem, it's making me nervous, all this build up, your probably expecting something good. Don't get your hopes up, it's gonna be crap.

Anyway here it is:

Shiit I've bottled it, it was too long a build up, didn't mean that build up to be so long. Sorry folks.

[Edit] here is my poem:

*A way up high in the sky is a little bird that likes to fly. 
I shot that fecker down and made him into a pie.*

Nurse!!


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I think I might be going crazy, then again I suppose I can't be going crazy cos if I know I'm going crazy then I still have my wits about me. Wait a minute, so that means I'm not crazy woohoo. Hold on, hold on, just hold on, leme think. I think Ima going crazy, which means Ima not going crazy cos if I was going crazy I would realise it. Crazy people don't know they are going crazy. I know Ima going crazy so I can't be going crazy, which means I'm not going crazy, but does that mean I am crazy after all cos I don't think I'm crazy. Crickey, I'm stuck in some crazy paradox, Ima round and round round round in circles circles circles round circles round and round circles need to think of something else. Ostriches, thank god.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Ok, ima going to try out some poetry. It's going to be the rhyming stuff cos I aint wearing a smoking jacket at the moment. Ima do a poem of some sorts but it aint gonna be good. This ain't it by the way just in case you are wondering. Shiit this introduction is longer than the poem, it's making me nervous, all this build up, your probably expecting something good. Don't get your hopes up, it's gonna be crap.
> 
> Anyway here it is:
> 
> ...


Wait a minute. I got your original poem in my email and the last line made me laugh so hard at work that others wanted to know what was so funny. So you made me almost mess my own pants with your original last line in a library and then you go and change it? It was genius!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I think I might be going crazy, then again I suppose I can't be going crazy cos if I know I'm going crazy then I still have my wits about me. Wait a minute, so that means I'm not crazy woohoo. Hold on, hold on, just hold on, leme think. I think Ima going crazy, which means Ima not going crazy cos if I was going crazy I would realise it. Crazy people don't know they are going crazy. I know Ima going crazy so I can't be going crazy, which means I'm not going crazy, but does that mean I am crazy after all cos I don't think I'm crazy. Crickey, I'm stuck in some crazy paradox, Ima round and round round round in circles circles circles round circles round and round circles need to think of something else. Ostriches, thank god.


Ostriches??!! Ok. That's just crazy talk!


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Crazy toys in the attic I am crazy. Truly gone fishing. They must have taken my marbles away. Crazy toys in the attic he is crazy


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Ostriches save the day again.

I think karma is real


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Crazy toys in the attic I am crazy. Truly gone fishing. They must have taken my marbles away. Crazy toys in the attic he is crazy


I'm beginning to think Pink Floyd was a little, um...... crazy. :um


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Whir said:


> Ostriches save the day again.
> 
> I think karma is real


Yes!

Uh............no!

I mean............yes!

uh............maybe..................uh..................

What was the question?

Oh yea!

What is watermelon?

Correct! for 200 points!


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

We wandered the desert. Life without Master was... hard. The others' minds going strange, going crazy. But then I found us new master. I find us Antler!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> We wandered the desert. Life without Master was... hard. The others' minds going strange, going crazy. But then I found us new master. I find us Antler!


Fallout video game? ~ Davidson

Who is Davidson and what's a nightkin?

Seems there are a ton of bizarre people/things a brewing in cyberspace.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Fallout video game? ~ Davidson
> 
> Who is Davidson and what's a nightkin?
> 
> Seems there are a ton of bizarre people/things a brewing in cyberspace.


Davidson is schizophrenic nightkin. The nightkin are a Mutated version of supe mutants which roam the Mojave Wasteland. Super mutants are humans mutated by radiation.

The nightkin use stealth boys too much because they like to be invisible. The stealth boys cause them to get schizophrenia

I think this my explanation counts as crazy talk.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Davidson is schizophrenic nightkin. The nightkin are a Mutated version of supe mutants which roam the Mojave Wasteland. Super mutants are humans mutated by radiation.
> 
> The nightkin use stealth boys too much because they like to be invisible. The stealth boys cause them to get schizophrenia
> 
> I think this my explanation counts as crazy talk.


Definitely!


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

What? The curtains?


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

It was curtains for the spider that was in my room yesterday. I thought me and him had an agreement. He was supposed to set up a no fly zone in my kitchen, but noooo he decided to venture out his area. Had to give him the vacuum cleaner treatment for that one. He's lucky this wasn't Jupiter. He would have received much worse.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Had you thought of providing him a landing strip? I hear you can get them cheap........right next to the roach motels.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Just in time for the stamp licking.


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Had you thought of providing him a landing strip? I hear you can get them cheap........right next to the roach motels.


This is an excellent suggestion. I think I'll hire some Venus Fly Traps to act as air traffic control.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

No. No. You never want to involve the Venutians. They hate Martians. 

There might be a political conflict. 

Perhaps even a brouhaha


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

An interplanetary scuffle won't look good on the resume.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> An interplanetary scuffle won't look good on the resume.


True. But it might be fun to watch. Little guys named Marvin running around with Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulators, blowing up sh*t while people in flowey purple glowing robes running for the nearest transporter pads.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Spiffy is as spiffy does.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

It's just not fun unless the seagulls eat the chickens.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now.


----------



## CumulusCongestus (Jul 2, 2012)

Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

"My name is HRM Azalia VII, daughter of Neptune XLIV, son of Tristan XVII, descendant of the great Neptune I; by the grace of the gods, Atlantis, and all living creatures below sea level; countes of Crete; duchess of Santorini; defender of wealth, prosperity and all maritime matters; et cetera, et cetera. You've had the chance to behold what's left of all that: a crumbling city inhabited by ghosts and greybeards. And that is why you are here, in my castle, at this very moment. You are the only ones that could, that might help us. Now don't ask anything - I will explain everything to you.
From my history lessons in the royal archive I have learnt the story of this city. You know, Atlantis was founded by Greek colonists on an isle West of Crete. Their leader, the later Neptune I, had, well, slightly discredited himself for reasons I will not tire you with."
"Excuse me? What kind of reasons?" I had almost forgotten the presence of the French girl on the chair next to me, and for the first time I find her voice to be slightly disruptive.
"Well, he had uhm... he had caused some commotion in Athens for entering the Parthenon temple dressed in... uhm... well... not dressed at all, really."
"Your city was founded by an exiled exhibitionist?"
"Please don't speak like that about or great founder. His mind had been tempted by demons, well, by wine, which is the drink of demons. So when he founded this city he decided all wine, and any alcoholic consumption for that matter, to be strictly prohibited. Even though, for a long time, this minimalised the influx of new citizens to our city, it proved to be very beneficial for our prosperity. Within decades we had grown to the most important factor in the Meditarranean sea trade."
"You just called us here to inform us about the history of your city?"
A part of me wants to call 'Shut up!' but the rest of me figures that would make a slightly gross impression. Also, it wouldn't be in accordance to my social anxiety.
"Have patience, please. This is of great importance. In those first centuries our wisdom grew to immense heights. We were a city of scholars, and many of them came up with theories that were unprecedented. One of them, for instance, developed the theory of democracy, but after a long conclave our Council of Sages decided the scheme was unsuitable. Later those bloody Athenians stole the idea from us, but that's another story."
"Wait - what has any of that to do with our presence here?"
"You're right - I'm wandering. In the fourty-seventh year of the ninth era, they came. They had been observing us, and told us that our wisdom had risen to such heights they deemed it right to bestow us with the Powers of the Galaxy, so that we could spread our wisdom over all Seven Seas, and beyond."
For the first time I manage to open my mouth. "Excuse me, Miss. Who came exactly?"
She looks at me with a disturbed aura that makes me want to drown in the eyes below my feet. "Why, the extraterrestrials of course."
"Oh please!" my French companion calls out in a voice I have not before heard leave her throat and that makes the ice walls resonate like autumn leaves. "Now you're going to tell us about aliens? Were they green? Did they have three eyes?"
"They prefer to be called extraterrestrials, really, and they're blue usually, if I may trust the archives. Not that I've ever met one, but then, our honourable archivists can't be wrong, can they? But I thought you knew everything about them."
"Why should we? We were just minding our own business until you sent us your dolphin taxi. Thanks for the comfort, by the way, it was a really enjoyable ride."
Looking to the left, I can only see her turquoise eye, but it flickers in an unfamiliar way.
"I'm sorry to hear that. We also had a covered spoon, but unfortunately it was lost in a maelstrom in the 362nd year of the nineteenth era. But about the extraterrestrials, are you sure you don't know them? I would have sweared... I wonder... Maybe you're the wrong persons."
"That would explain a lot."
"Tell me, Daniel, where were you on the second of September?"
Squeazing my brain in hitherto unfamiliar positions, I finally conlude that must have been the day I was in Seoul, witnessing the Thylacine attack.
"I must have been in Seoul, a city that lies far in the East. It was a strange day."
The queen Azalia spontaneously invents a new kind of silence, in which her face shows tiny wrinkles in her pensive face, like little dunes in a snow field.
"Then you are indeed the one I am looking for. But I must have made a mistake. No - please let me finish my story first. The extraterrestrials gave us seven crystal orbs, with which we were to control the thoughts all over the planet and guide them with our immeasurable wisdome of which I spoke before. They wanted us to bring harmony to the planet, they sad, because their duty was to spread harmony over the galaxy as much as they could. We believed them - it was the only mistake we've only made, but it was a terrible mistakes. For four thousand years we -my ancestors- devoted themselves to their task, bringing order in chaos, unity in discord. Never did we know the extraterrestrials were really using us as puppets, tightening _their_ grip on the planet with every decision we made, finally intending to take over out beautiful Earth and make all human beings to slaves in their all-consuming tea industry."
"How did you discover that, then?" I ask.
It was the great scholar Theodosius of Santorini, the gods bless him, who once had a maintenance with one of the extraterrestrial's agents. The extraterrestrial was young and unexperienced - he left his briefcase when he left. The honourable Theodosius opened it - mind you, he was not endeavouring to peep, he just needed the information to be able to return it. But what he discovered - well I just told you."
"So what did you do?"
"We -with that I mean my great ancestress, queen Julia XXII- confronted the extraterrestrials. Said we didn't want to support them in their infernal scheme, that we would graciously lay down our duty and advise them to never show themselves on this planet again. First they tried to convince us with abject lies, but of course we didn't fall for them. Then their wrath was atrocious. They sent an army to recapture the crystal orbs, slayed half of the city, and let tidal wave take care of the rest. You see what has become of this metropol that once shone so brightly with ivory and gold."
"But wait - how were you able to survive this apocalypse?"
"Well, the extraterrestrials were cruel, but not very intelligent. We managed to hide one of the orbs in the best possible hiding place and hand them over a fake orb instead. That way, we managed to retain a small part of our former powers - and with that mental strength, the survivors managed to build a shield that could stop even the most destructive hatred. Did you see the transparent dome that surrounds our ruins? - you must have. It is made of thoughts. It is maintained every day by the thoughts of all our remaining citizens. It consumes all our time and power, we live, day in, day out, under the gargantuan weight of our duty to maintain our only protection from definite oblivion.
Not only does it serve as a shield against water, but also thoughts cannot pass. That's why the extraterrestrials haven't been able to detect us with their thelepatical powers. So as long as no one sends out a signal, we are safe here."
"I see... but what is our role in this entire story?"
"That's the point here - we _can_ intercept thoughts from the outside world - but only when they're extremely powerful. On the mentioned 2nd of September, we sensed a vast disturbance in the everyday equilibrium, originative from the city of Seoul, and we also sensed the person that was closest connected to these disturbances. It was you, Daniel. We assumed you had finally discovered our secret, and had, somehow, gained access to the extraterrestrial's mental powers. But apparently I was wrong - I'm sorry, I called you here for nothing. I can't see how you can help us."
"Right!" my mermaid companion exclaims, "couldn't you have told us rightaway? I'm going to leave here - I'm going to leave this damned place and forget all about it and live my life like I had planned to do. This is all one large accumulation of craziness. Good luck with your aliens," and she stands up, turns around and disappears through the folding doors, behind which the butler can still be seen in the same position.
"I'm sorry, Daniel," the queen Azalia says, "I'm so sorry. I thought you were..."
She doesn't complete her sentence but I know she wanted to say "I thought you were more helpful." I have felt miserable before, and guilty as well, but I have never felt so miserable and so guilty at the same moment. At the same time, however, an alarming signal starts emitting from the back of my head. "Wait a moment," I mumble.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> "My name is HRM Azalia VII, daughter of Neptune XLIV, son of Tristan XVII, descendant of the great Neptune I; by the grace of the gods, Atlantis, and all living creatures below sea level; countes of Crete; duchess of Santorini; defender of wealth, prosperity and all maritime matters; et cetera, et cetera. You've had the chance to behold what's left of all that: a crumbling city inhabited by ghosts and greybeards. And that is why you are here, in my castle, at this very moment. You are the only ones that could, that might help us. Now don't ask anything - I will explain everything to you.
> From my history lessons in the royal archive I have learnt the story of this city. You know, Atlantis was founded by Greek colonists on an isle West of Crete. Their leader, the later Neptune I, had, well, slightly discredited himself for reasons I will not tire you with."
> "Excuse me? What kind of reasons?" I had almost forgotten the presence of the French girl on the chair next to me, and for the first time I find her voice to be slightly disruptive.
> "Well, he had uhm... he had caused some commotion in Athens for entering the Parthenon temple dressed in... uhm... well... not dressed at all, really."
> ...


This is genius. I hope you're keeping the entire story. It's really great. And I knew aliens would be involved! I just knew it! I'm sorry the queen was less than impressed.

So................ you're not human? All this time and I thought you were human. I'm so disturbed now.

Great story! You really need to keep going although this twist could be a cool ending.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now.


Yes, but I am alarmed. I thought we put up bustle barriers to keep them out of the hedgerow. That danged hedgerow salesman! He sold me a defective one!


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

CumulusCongestus said:


> Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.


Thrilling theater can thrill thirty thirsty thirty year old thugs though.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Immigrant Song is Zeppelin putting themselves in the form of Vikings. Over The Hills and Ramble On have Lord Of The Rings references which are fictional of course. A lot of the songs have references to the English countryside and the Welsh plains where Plant and Page grew up as lads. A lot of old Scottish wars happened there. A lot of history. But nothing can really be pinned down as mythological in Zeps tunes. They wrote mainly about where they were and the feelings they had at a certain point in time. Hence the incredible variety of the band.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Immigrant Song is Zeppelin putting themselves in the form of Vikings. Over The Hills and Ramble On have Lord Of The Rings references which are fictional of course. A lot of the songs have references to the English countryside and the Welsh plains where Plant and Page grew up as lads. A lot of old Scottish wars happened there. A lot of history. But nothing can really be pinned down as mythological in Zeps tunes. They wrote mainly about where they were and the feelings they had at a certain point in time. Hence the incredible variety of the band.


Very cool history about the song. I'm beginning to believe you're a serious classic rock fan.

I grew up with these songs. I used to just think they were all high on acid and that's why their lyrics seemed like crazy talk. Now I'm finding out they actually had meaning.

Puts a whole new spin on the "psychedelic days" of the 60's and 70's.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> This is genius. I hope you're keeping the entire story. It's really great. And I knew aliens would be involved! I just knew it! I'm sorry the queen was less than impressed.
> 
> So................ you're not human? All this time and I thought you were human. I'm so disturbed now.
> 
> Great story! You really need to keep going although this twist could be a cool ending.


Thank you! Don't worry though, I am human. That I'm involved in a complicated plot involving aliens doesn't mean I am an alien myself.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Thank you! Don't worry though, I am human. That I'm involved in a complicated plot involving aliens doesn't mean I am an alien myself.


Somehow that just doesn't seem convincing. :um

Are you suuuurrrreeeeee you're a human? :sus

Just kidding.


----------



## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

I wanted to call my older sister "Zelda". Parents didn't agree. I disagree with their opinion that that was crazy talk.


----------



## Smesam (Oct 13, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Secretly Pretentious asked if she needed to start a discussion about taxidermy to get some attention around here. Well, the thought of stuffed animals isn't really my thing, but crazy talk is.
> 
> Have you ever heard people say "that's just crazy talk?"
> 
> Well, keeping it clean from potty humor, racism, politics, religion and beheading...........go for it


It really seems interesting.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Polar said:


> I wanted to call my older sister "Zelda". Parents didn't agree. I disagree with their opinion that that was crazy talk.


I totally think it's not crazy talk. I mean Zelda comes with a Legend and everything. She has guys fighting for her in her universe (Link is very cute).

The name Zelda, rocks.

Could be worse:

Sunday (Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter)

Kal-El? (Nicholas Cage's son)

Pilot Inspecktor (Jason Lee's kid.....not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Fifi Trixibelle (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates's kid)

Coco (Courteney Cox and David Arquette's daughter)

Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's kid.....not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone's son)

Destry (Steven Spielberg's daughter)

Maddox (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt' adopted son)

Memphis Eve (Bono's kid.....not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Ocean (Forest Whitaker's son)

Prince Michael II/Blanket (Michael Jackson's son..........I think they really do call him blanket)

Rocket Rodriguez (Robert Rodriguez's son..............sidenote of why he called him that..............But you might say, "Cracked, Rocket is such an awesome name!" OK, but you've got to try to imagine this kid having a life outside of porn industry. After all, imagine you're about to be put under on the operating table, and the nurse leans over and tells you your heart surgery is going to be performed by Rocket Rodriguez. OK, that would actually be pretty awesome. But seriously, imagine if the kid ever wanted to run for President ... wait, no, still awesome. OK, we may have to reconsider this one. Interesting Tidbit: Rocket has four younger siblings: Racer, Rebel, Rogue and Rhiannon. Yeah, Rob has a thing for alliteration.

Blue Angel (The Edge's son (From U2)

Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon's kid ....not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Moon Unit, Diva Thin Muffin, Dweezil and Ahmet(this one is normal) (Frank Zappa's kids......not sure who's male and who's female)

Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette's kid ...not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Tu Morrow (Rob Morrow's kid ...not sure if it's a boy or girl)

Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson's son? Daughter? Trying to compete with Prince Michael?)

These were from The Most Bizarre Celebrity Names site 
http://www.cracked.com/article_15765_the-20-most-bizarre-celebrity-baby-names.html


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Smesam said:


> It really seems interesting.


Secretly Pretentious is an amazing taxidermist! She sculpts, she has themes, she takes taxidermy to whole new heights!

I want her to be right there when I croak. I feel she can create me to be the woman I never was with her talent.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

chantellabella said:


> Secretly Pretentious is an amazing taxidermist! She sculpts, she has themes, she takes taxidermy to whole new heights!
> 
> I want her to be right there when I croak. I feel she can create me to be the woman I never was with her talent.


Ah shucks. Thanks for the kind words. I stuff for weddings, birthday parties, and funerals. Here's my card.



Zeppelin said:


> If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now.


Hail Satan. :twisted


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Ah shucks. Thanks for the kind words. I stuff for weddings, birthday parties, and funerals. Here's my card.


Do you have a website where I can peruse your product? You know........before I actually give you my dead hamster to stuff.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I have to go to work, pay bills and clean my house and yard.

I know.............that's just crazy talk. 


Sigh.


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Crazy talk is asking me to wake up at 3:30am on Sunday so I can be to work at 5:00. I don't approve of that message at all. My boss thinks he's spacely sprockets.

I also don't approve of 100 degree heat in October. The mother nature on Jupiter would never do such a thing. The mother nature from Earth and I need to sit down and have a talk. 

This is an outrage 
we need to get on the same page
everyone have nice day safe day
and I love almonds.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> I love almonds.


Well, that's just crazy talk! :afr


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I am losing my presence of mind. 

Or maybe I lost it.

Do you think I can get a new one from Craigslist?


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

The beat of my heart resonates through all of my limbs, into my kidneys, my eyes and my brains. I try to stop it, but it only gets more powerful, as a fire that spreads without consideration.
"Miss? There's something I... About the shield."
"Ah, the shield. As I said, it can stop both water and thoughts. From both directions. That's also why we don't dream in Atlantis. Surely you must have noticed that? The thoughts of the surrounding world that constitute our dreams cannot pass. So we remain in silent oblivion when we sleep."
"Uh-huh. But there's something else. Something that..."
"Yes, I'm sorry, there are a lot of things that need explaining. You must also have noticed that time -or what's left of it- behaves in an other way inside this dome than it does elsewhere. You know, when you live in an isolated, crumbling city for milennia, forgotten and forgetting about everything outside, time itself starts to grow older. In this city, everything is affected by this terrible, moisty detoriation process - even with our mind powers we can't stop it. The only thing we can do is dedicate a small portion of our mental labour to save certain places, certain objects from the all-consuming putrefaction, this palace being the most momentous. We need to keep the centre of our governance - the remains of it - clean, or we will be finally doomed. Did you notice the change when you stepped inside our hallway?"
I nod, trying to discern her floating voice from the all-consuming heartbeat that is taking over my eardrums. "There's something else I must confess. It's about..."
She frowns, I know she already knows what I'm going to say. I want to turn into fog, or ice, or any substance except my body, but I know I can't, even though I'm the almighty narrator of this story I can't remove myself from that satin chair, punctured by the angel eyes of the queen Azalia. So I speak.
"About your hiding. You said they were still looking - the aliens. The extraterrestrials. Still watching out. Now apparently our thoughts cannot pass the shield, but... I wonder... it's a bit silly really..."
"Just speak it out, my boy."
Her calling me 'my boy' makes my intestines shrink even more than they already have. "It's like this. This morning, when I woke up, I took out my iPhone and... uhm... well, I posted something on facebook about this place. I'm not sure if it matters, but... do you have any idea if digital signals are intercepted by the shield as well?"
"I don't understand. What is this face book you are talking about?"
"I'm sorry. We... I mean, in the... the overworld, people have found a way to talk to eachother without actually seeing eachother's faces. A bit like telepacy really, except... well, whatever, we call it 'the internet'. And it works on digital signals. Now this morning, I added a photograph and some text about this city to this internet system. I wonder - could that possibly mean?"
The queen invents yet another kind of silence, this one even more burdensome than the last one. In this silence, the unicorn, whose presence had entirely slipped my mind, moves its silver head in a way as if to say: you fool, you have just spoiled everything. Finally, the queen opens her mouth, her eyes flicker with an unknown form of uneasiness.
"I'm not sure if I understand what you're talking about. I mean... I'm afraid... well, you couldn't know of course. Listen, Daniel. You are not the one I have been looking for. But that doesn't mean you couldn't be the one I need at the moment. Why is it that everywhere you come, the world seems to flicker into absurdity for one moment?"
"I'm not sure... Well... The thing is... All of this is really... it's not real."
She opens her mouth but I don't want to hear her voice at this point, so I continue: "It's like... it's like a story. All of this is nothing but a story I wrote. I know it sounds absurd, but..."
"A story? What story?"
"Uhm, it's a story I'm writing for uhm... a magazine. Yeah, I'm writing this story as feuilleton for a magazin. It's very popular really, lots of readers."
If she really has telepatical powers she can read, at this very moment, that the story is actually posted inside the 'crazy talk' section of a website for socially anxious persons and has exactly one reader. Turning into haze wouldn't seem sufficient any longer.
She causes a silence, of the first kind, and finally speaks in a soft and penetrating voice.
"But if this - if you're really a story... I don't understand. This city has existed for milennia - how can all of that be part of your story? I mean, something has to be real, right?"
"I don't know. Maybe... maybe it's that I wrote myself into a world that was already present. That I switched from one dimension to another. Oh boy, what kind of nonsense am I promulgating..."
"No, no... It's no nonsense. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. It makes shokingly much sense really... But that would mean that, as a writer, you would have some kind of... I don't know... powers? As the author of this story?"
"It would seem like that. But I don't know... it seems my powers are... diminishing... evaporating into the reality of this dimension..."
Silence (kind two).
"Listen," she says. "I don't know who you are and how you ended up here. But I do know this: your message may have alarmed the extraterrestrials' attention. And you do have certain powers that could surpass the reality of this dimension. That means you the only person that could handle the results of your own action. As I said, you aren't exactly the person I was looking for... but you are the person I found. That makes you... needed. I need you to go outside. To wait for them. To stop them. With the powers of your authorship, the help of your companion, and the goodness of your heart... Stop them. I ask you. I beg you. You are... you are our only hope."
I nod. Strangely enough, my heart seems to calm down at this crucial hour. 
"I will do what I can, noble queen. I only hope that will be enough."
And I turn around, through the folding doors, along the petrified butler, through the endless corridor, with inside me a strange sense of determination. Or insanity. One of the two.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> We need to keep the centre of our governance - the remains of it - clean, or we will be finally doomed. Did you notice the change when you stepped inside our hallway?"


They have OCD??!!



Daniel C said:


> I nod, trying to discern her floating voice from the all-consuming heartbeat that is taking over my eardrums. "There's something else I must confess. It's about..."
> She frowns, I know she already knows what I'm going to say. I want to turn into fog, or ice, or any substance except my body, but I know I can't, even though I'm the almighty narrator of this story I can't remove myself from that satin chair, punctured by the angel eyes of the queen Azalia. So I speak.
> "About your hiding. You said they were still looking - the aliens. The extraterrestrials. Still watching out. Now apparently our thoughts cannot pass the shield, but... I wonder... it's a bit silly really..."
> "Just speak it out, my boy."
> ...


You posted it on Facebook??!!! 



Daniel C said:


> *The queen invents yet another kind of silence, *


 LOL!



Daniel C said:


> this one even more burdensome than the last one. In this silence, the unicorn, whose presence had entirely slipped my mind, moves its silver head in a way as if to say: you fool, you have just spoiled everything. Finally, the queen opens her mouth, her eyes flicker with an unknown form of uneasiness.
> "I'm not sure if I understand what you're talking about. I mean... I'm afraid... well, you couldn't know of course. Listen, Daniel. You are not the one I have been looking for. But that doesn't mean you couldn't be the one I need at the moment. Why is it that everywhere you come, the world seems to flicker into absurdity for one moment?"
> "I'm not sure... Well... The thing is... All of this is really... it's not real."
> She opens her mouth but I don't want to hear her voice at this point, so I continue: "It's like... it's like a story. All of this is nothing but a story I wrote. I know it sounds absurd, but..."
> ...


Argghhh!!!! No!!! Not a story!!!! You betrayed me, Queen!!



Daniel C said:


> She causes a silence, of the first kind, and finally speaks in a soft and penetrating voice.
> "But if this - if you're really a story... I don't understand. This city has existed for milennia - how can all of that be part of your story? I mean, something has to be real, right?"
> "I don't know. Maybe... maybe it's that I wrote myself into a world that was already present. That I switched from one dimension to another. Oh boy, what kind of nonsense am I promulgating..."
> "No, no... It's no nonsense. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. It makes shokingly much sense really... But that would mean that, as a writer, you would have some kind of... I don't know... powers? As the author of this story?"


Ok. Now I feel better.......... continue.........



Daniel C said:


> "It would seem like that. But I don't know... it seems my powers are... diminishing... evaporating into the reality of this dimension..."
> Silence (kind two).
> "Listen," she says. "I don't know who you are and how you ended up here. But I do know this: your message may have alarmed the extraterrestrials' attention. And you do have certain powers that could surpass the reality of this dimension. That means you the only person that could handle the results of your own action. As I said, you aren't exactly the person I was looking for... but you are the person I found. That makes you... needed. I need you to go outside. To wait for them. To stop them. With the powers of your authorship, the help of your companion, and the goodness of your heart... Stop them. I ask you. I beg you. You are... you are our only hope."
> I nod. Strangely enough, my heart seems to calm down at this crucial hour.
> ...


Alright!!! Now the extraterrestrials will come in and kick some butt!!!

Great story! You're definitely a writer. I hope you consider sending in this story somewhere to get published when you're finished.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> You posted it on Facebook??!!!


Yes, I did, in part seven. But it was a mistake, I don't know what came over me. Please don't blame me, it could have happened to anyone.



> Great story! You're definitely a writer. I hope you consider sending in this story somewhere to get published when you're finished.


Ha, thank you, but I'm positive there would be no one who'd like to have it. But then I'm mostly writing it for fun, so that's also not really what I'm aspiring. Still, thanks a lot for your loyal response, it definitely inspires me to keep going.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Yes, I did, in part seven. But it was a mistake, I don't know what came over me. Please don't blame me, it could have happened to anyone.
> 
> Ha, thank you, but I'm positive there would be no one who'd like to have it. But then I'm mostly writing it for fun, so that's also not really what I'm aspiring. Still, thanks a lot for your loyal response, it definitely inspires me to keep going.


Well, you're right up there with the best crazy talkers! I do miss the taxidermist though. I wonder what her latest roadkill exhibits are.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)




----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

EW! App a oh, mmm up my awww oh.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


>


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

GameGuy said:


> EW! App a oh, mmm up my awww oh.


Ow! :um

Do you need a bandaid for that?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Pigeons rarely discuss bowling alleys.

At least I believe that to be the case.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

The planet Mars, I scarcely need remind the reader, revolves about the sun at a mean distance of 140,000,000 miles, and the light and heat it receives from the sun is barely half of that received by this world. It must be, if the nebular hypothesis has any truth, older than our world; and long before this earth ceased to be molten, life upon its surface must have begun its course. The fact that it is scarcely one seventh of the volume of the earth must have accelerated its cooling to the temperature at which life could begin. It has air and water and all that is necessary for the support of animated existence.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> The planet Mars, I scarcely need remind the reader, revolves about the sun at a mean distance of 140,000,000 miles, and the light and heat it receives from the sun is barely half of that received by this world. It must be, if the nebular hypothesis has any truth, older than our world; and long before this earth ceased to be molten, life upon its surface must have begun its course. The fact that it is scarcely one seventh of the volume of the earth must have accelerated its cooling to the temperature at which life could begin. It has air and water and all that is necessary for the support of animated existence.


Either a paragraph out of your Astronomy textbook or the lyrics to a Zeppelin song.

Am I right?


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Either a paragraph out of your Astronomy textbook or the lyrics to a Zeppelin song.
> 
> Am I right?


It's the second paragraph of the first chapter in War of the Worlds.


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun. If the sun don't come, you get a tan From standing in the english rain.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

"And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes. I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."

But Mr. Gilmore, I don't think you understand. There is no dark side of the moon really. In Matter of fact it's all dark.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Well, now if I were president of ths land. You know, I'd declare total war on the pusher man.I'd cut if he stands,And I'd shoot him if he'd run. Yes, I'd kill him with my Bible And my razor and my gun.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes. I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."
> 
> But Mr. Gilmore, I don't think you understand. There is no dark side of the moon really. In Matter of fact it's all dark.


Pink Floyd was best heard at 1am while fading into a drunken stupor. Couldn't make heads or tales out of it any other time.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun. If the sun don't come, you get a tan From standing in the english rain.


A little concerned that the English rain creates tans.

Has it been tested for any radioactive particles?


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> A little concerned that the English rain creates tans.
> 
> Has it been tested for any radioactive particles?


It should, danger alert


----------



## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Danger Danger
Have you seen the prince? 
Haven't seen him since he pushed Humpty Dumpty off the fence
The smurfs fell out laughing 
It happens every night, I seen it, shoot outs in Jellystone Park
Elmer and Yosemite chasing Bugs and Daffy
true souls of mischief 
Strawberry Shortcake was the worst
Came out cursing the Care Bears
The T-rex from Toy Story came out break dancing
Coming up next
Was my boy, Johnny Quest
Sim Sim Salabim!
Gi Joe risking an arm an limb
Wacky Races 
Rooting for Mutley 
but the kids from the duck tales were victorious
Stole the Mach 5 from Speed racer
Scrooge McDuck still has the gold.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Last night I hold Aladdin's lamp. So I wished that I could stay. Before the thing could answer me. Well, someone came and took the lamp away.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> Danger Danger
> Have you seen the prince?
> Haven't seen him since he pushed Humpty Dumpty off the fence
> The smurfs fell out laughing
> ...


I feel like I'm in some alternate universe where Looney Tunes characters are running amok.

Where's Marvin the Martian when you need him???

Anybody got an IIlludium P-36 Explosive Space Modulator handy?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Last night I hold Aladdin's lamp. So I wished that I could stay. Before the thing could answer me. Well, someone came and took the lamp away.


I told you that you can't trust those genies.

And what's with living in a bottle? Can't they find a decent crawl space?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Feeling feelings???!!!!!


That's just crazy talk!


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Many hands began to scan around for the next plateau. Some said it was Greenland and some say Mexico.


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I've got this toaster. It's great because you can put bread in it and it like makes the bread all toasty. That's why it's called a toaster. Anyway the other day I put two bits of bread in because it has two spaces for bread. It's kind of like getting two toasters in one. This is good because sometimes I feel like having two bits of toast and its nice not to have to wait. You can set how long you want the toast to be toasted for and then when the amount of time set has arrived the bread will pop up out of the toaster by itself. This is really good because it means I don't have to stand over the toaster until the bread is just right and then take the toast out myself. This means I can be doing something else while the toast is being made. I like to make tea during the time that the toast is being made. I make tea by using a kettle which is really amazing because you put cold water into the kettle and then press a button and after a minute you have really hot water in the kettle. There is no setting on the kettle like on the toaster to say how long you want it to heat the water for, it just does the one temperature which is called really hot and when the water is really hot the kettle switches off.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I've got this toaster. It's great because you can put bread in it and it like makes the bread all toasty. That's why it's called a toaster. Anyway the other day I put two bits of bread in because it has two spaces for bread. It's kind of like getting two toasters in one. This is good because sometimes I feel like having two bits of toast and its nice not to have to wait. You can set how long you want the toast to be toasted for and then when the amount of time set has arrived the bread will pop up out of the toaster by itself. This is really good because it means I don't have to stand over the toaster until the bread is just right and then take the toast out myself. This means I can be doing something else while the toast is being made. I like to make tea during the time that the toast is being made. I make tea by using a kettle which is really amazing because you put cold water into the kettle and then press a button and after a minute you have really hot water in the kettle. There is no setting on the kettle like on the toaster to say how long you want it to heat the water for, it just does the one temperature which is called really hot and when the water is really hot the kettle switches off.


Does the toaster happen to be little and not big and can talk to to people? I may have met the little toaster on the World Wide Web before.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I've got this toaster. It's great because you can put bread in it and it like makes the bread all toasty. That's why it's called a toaster. Anyway the other day I put two bits of bread in because it has two spaces for bread. It's kind of like getting two toasters in one. This is good because sometimes I feel like having two bits of toast and its nice not to have to wait. You can set how long you want the toast to be toasted for and then when the amount of time set has arrived the bread will pop up out of the toaster by itself. This is really good because it means I don't have to stand over the toaster until the bread is just right and then take the toast out myself. This means I can be doing something else while the toast is being made. I like to make tea during the time that the toast is being made. I make tea by using a kettle which is really amazing because you put cold water into the kettle and then press a button and after a minute you have really hot water in the kettle. There is no setting on the kettle like on the toaster to say how long you want it to heat the water for, it just does the one temperature which is called really hot and when the water is really hot the kettle switches off.


That is truly amazing. How far technology has proceeded! I usually toast my bread and heat my water above a campfire in my backyard. Though my neighbours recently have purchased this system called 'stove', which looks like this:










Apparently, you can put anything upon it and it gets warm without having to stir a fire. How fantastic is that? So I may not want to get behind and get one as well.
But you guys in America always seem to be ahead of us. I'm not sure when this 'toaster' you speak about will be available here in Europe. If so, I may be able to overtake my neighbours in modernity. I can already see the look on their faces...


----------



## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> But you guys in America always seem to be ahead of us. I'm not sure when this 'toaster' you speak about will be available here in Europe. If so, I may be able to overtake my neighbours in modernity. I can already see the look on their faces...


I am from Scotland which is in Europe and not in America. We have had toasters and kettles here for almost three years now. Perhaps the van with the toasters and kettles came across to Scotland from America and is now driving down to England. I got my toaster and kettle on Wednesday 24th October and you can get each item separately for less than £1000. I got a good deal because I bought them both together and it only cost me £1899. My friend said the salesman must really have saw me coming, and he was right because the shop had big windows. If you do decide to buy a toaster or kettle you should take the two week training course for each item and that only costs £300 a week which is really good value because you learn about all the settings and also important safety advice - I always wear my goggles and special safety suit when making toast and you can buy these at really good value too.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Many hands began to scan around for the next plateau. Some said it was Greenland and some say Mexico.


That's a pretty wide arm span. How tall is this person?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I've got this toaster. It's great because you can put bread in it and it like makes the bread all toasty. That's why it's called a toaster. Anyway the other day I put two bits of bread in because it has two spaces for bread. It's kind of like getting two toasters in one. This is good because sometimes I feel like having two bits of toast and its nice not to have to wait. You can set how long you want the toast to be toasted for and then when the amount of time set has arrived the bread will pop up out of the toaster by itself. This is really good because it means I don't have to stand over the toaster until the bread is just right and then take the toast out myself. This means I can be doing something else while the toast is being made. I like to make tea during the time that the toast is being made. I make tea by using a kettle which is really amazing because you put cold water into the kettle and then press a button and after a minute you have really hot water in the kettle. There is no setting on the kettle like on the toaster to say how long you want it to heat the water for, it just does the one temperature which is called really hot and when the water is really hot the kettle switches off.


I just spit out my coffee all over my screen. LOL!!!

Do you know where I can find a good sponge mop?


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Does the toaster happen to be little and not big and can talk to to people? I may have met the little toaster on the World Wide Web before.


yeah. Me too. Hm.:sus Lurks around that Last Post Wins thread.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I am from Scotland which is in Europe and not in America.


Oh my friend Daniel................ I have to do it.

You got burned.

Sorry.

We were talking about stoves and toasters and stuff.

*big hug*


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> That is truly amazing. How far technology has proceeded! I usually toast my bread and heat my water above a campfire in my backyard. Though my neighbours recently have purchased this system called 'stove', which looks like this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I just rub too sticks together and hope for the best.

You can get used to raw food if necessary.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I am from Scotland which is in Europe and not in America. We have had toasters and kettles here for almost three years now. Perhaps the van with the toasters and kettles came across to Scotland from America and is now driving down to England. I got my toaster and kettle on Wednesday 24th October and you can get each item separately for less than £1000. I got a good deal because I bought them both together and it only cost me £1899. My friend said the salesman must really have saw me coming, and he was right because the shop had big windows. If you do decide to buy a toaster or kettle you should take the two week training course for each item and that only costs £300 a week which is really good value because you learn about all the settings and also important safety advice - I always wear my goggles and special safety suit when making toast and you can buy these at really good value too.


I want one!!! Forcing my cats to sit on my bread to warm them just isn't working for me anymore. Yes, they come out brown, but the flavor isn't really very good.


----------



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I am from Scotland which is in Europe and not in America. We have had toasters and kettles here for almost three years now. Perhaps the van with the toasters and kettles came across to Scotland from America and is now driving down to England. I got my toaster and kettle on Wednesday 24th October and you can get each item separately for less than £1000. I got a good deal because I bought them both together and it only cost me £1899. My friend said the salesman must really have saw me coming, and he was right because the shop had big windows. If you do decide to buy a toaster or kettle you should take the two week training course for each item and that only costs £300 a week which is really good value because you learn about all the settings and also important safety advice - I always wear my goggles and special safety suit when making toast and you can buy these at really good value too.


Ah yeah, I see. That's really unbelievable. I guess the van must cross the North Sea soon then. I think I am going to save a little money each week so that I'll have the appropriate amount when the moment is there. I was just planning to purchase a new lamp, but I think I'm going to skip that then. Which is a pity, cause it's a really new model:










But then, I wouldn't want to miss this innovation for the world.
By the way, do these items just work on coal or do you have to be connected to the gass system? In that case I'll have to wait for that first. I heard from the town crier that my housing block will be connected to the gass system in a few months.


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Ah yeah, I see. That's really unbelievable. I guess the van must cross the North Sea soon then. I think I am going to save a little money each week so that I'll have the appropriate amount when the moment is there. I was just planning to purchase a new lamp, but I think I'm going to skip that then. Which is a pity, cause it's a really new model:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


What gas system?? We hook up Uncle Thibodeaux to the pipes after he ate some red beans.

You mean there's an option?


----------



## Jcgrey (Feb 5, 2011)

Karl stole my needle swath. But I beat him with bostwhah


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Jcgrey said:


> Karl stole my needle swath. But I beat him with bostwhah


No!!! Not with the bostwah!!!!

But he was so young.

And inexperienced. He was my son.

He was just starting up the learning curve.

Just give him a chance.

You might find that it's all going to be better.

Oh wait.

Maybe not.

Where's those needles?

I might need to blind myself.


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

I am from Washington, not the District of Columbia. The original citizens of my state wanted to name it Columbia, but they decided that it would get confused with Washington D.C. too much, so they decided to name it Washington, after George Washington to avoid confusion. This was a great idea.

I live in Seattle, which is in King County. Not to be confused with Kings County, more commonly known as Brooklyn New York. 

King county isn't namned after a king even though the official symbol is of a crown. It is namned after Vice Presudent William Rufus King. But then we found out that he had slaves so all of the hippies in Seattle decided to rename it after Martin Luther King Junior. Using their logic, we should just rename our state and capital after George Washington Carver, not George Washington.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> I am from Washington, not the District of Columbia. The original citizens of my state wanted to name it Columbia, but they decided that it would get confused with Washington D.C. too much, so they decided to name it Washington, after George Washington to avoid confusion. This was a great idea.
> 
> I live in Seattle, which is in King County. Not to be confused with Kings County, more commonly known as Brooklyn New York.
> 
> King county isn't namned after a king even though the official symbol is of a crown. It is namned after Vice Presudent William Rufus King. But then we found out that he had slaves so all of the hippies in Seattle decided to rename it after Martin Luther King Junior. Using their logic, we should just rename our state and capital after George Washington Carver, not George Washington.


But that's not crazy talk. That's called political and corporate jargon.

Yes, it's crazy talk, but the powers to be have enough money to make it sound not crazy.


----------



## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Terrorists may not eat rice in the usa,Britian or the crybean islands.

If u decide u want to become a doctor in south africa,u must first use weed.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Colonel Terrorist said:


> Terrorists may not eat rice in the usa,Britian or the crybean islands.
> 
> If u decide u want to become a doctor in south africa,u must first use weed.


LOL!! Good to know. 

btw, I know a few people in South Africa. Some of my bestest friends in the world. 

Are there really islands called Crybean? Or is that how South Africans say the Caribbean?

Just a side note............not crazy talk. My culture is a mixture of the Islanos, who also settled in the Caribbean and the Acadians from Nova Scotia. The Islanos culture is from the Canary Islands which was the African trade route which the Spanish, German, French, English, Portuguese, etc followed to get to the new world. Some settled in South and Central America and some settled at the mouth of the Mississippi River (New Orleans area). The Acadians originated from the coast of France, came across the Northern routes and settled in Nova Scotia. When they were driven out, the went to the New England area but were quickly booted on to ships and allowed to starve and die there. Some of the Acadians followed the Mississippi River and settled in the swamp areas of Southern Louisiana. The Spanish had reign of the place at the time and made a deal with the Acadians. They would give them land and allow them to stay if they would help keep the English out. They did.

So now us true New Orleans are a bit French, a bit Spanish, a bit Islanos (Canary Island descent) and with me, a little Irish. That's why New Orleans is called a melting pot and why our cultural heritage is so unique.

There will be a quiz next week.

Good luck and may the force be with you.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Ok. 

So I was reading the four pack of toilet tissue today (don't ask). I'm curious about a few things. One, was that the small print said to have a toilet roll handy when you call them. I discovered that each roll has a number. I'll bet you didn't know that. 

Also, the package said "Made from USA and foreign material. Kinda elusive there don't ya think? What kinds of material??!!

Then it said "May be under patent 265749." What if it isn't under that patent? Is there another patent??!! I'm a tad concerned that they're not sure if it's under a patent. As a librarian, those things are easy to find out. So why is the Scott company in the dark about their product? And do they even know what material is in the tissue and where it comes from??

Geesh! 

You think you're safe and then you find out that even the toilet tissue companies are confused and elusive.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Of course, it had hardly cost Mark's technical team any effort to determine the exact coordinates from where the facebook update had been emitted. Indeed, it turned out to be a deserted spot in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, somewhere between Egypt and Crete. Mark Zuckerberg had immediately set off with his private jet to Iraklion airport, and consequently was transported by limousine to the yacht club in Chania, where his administrative team had already chartered a boat. From his car window, he could just take a look at the Cretian hills, stretching out like dinosaurs' backs, in the South, and the infinite opal waves in the North. The thought that beneath those waves a sunken city resided seemed absurd and appealing at the same time. 
He had never been on Crete before, but what he could see from the black limousine's windows made him hungry for exploring the island. Maybe he could do so when he'd return, after he had solved the whole Atlantis issue. If he were ever to solve the Atlantis issue. Inside he felt like he had become a puppet in an intricate game that had outpassed his endless potency.
The yacht club was located a few miles off the historical centre, at which Mark could only take a volatile look. The piers were puddling in the crystal water, the harbour was all empty except for a slightly overweight man with a huge moustache. 
"Mister Zuckenberg?" he said with what Mark assumed to be a typical Greek accent.
"Your boat is waiting. Please follow me."
Mark shuffled behind the harbour master over the slippery wooden planks, onto a modest motor boat where three young men with shiny torsos were already doing intricate preparations.
"Thank you," Mark mumbled. 
The boat set off as soon as Mark had landed in the cabin. Through the porthole, he waved the moustached man -a sympathetic guy, judging by the twenty seconds he had known him- goodbye. One of the adonises sat down besides him.
"You know diving, sir?"
"Yes, yes, I know," Mark replied. He had followed a diving course on one of his holidays at the French Riviera. The instructress had had hairs like a blonde goddess, as well as a voice that was sweet and authoritive at the same time, and that Mark had been able to resist less than four minutes. Unfortunately, the relationship had collapsed after he had ran away with a cute waitress in an equally cute restaurant, but by then he had already come tired of her conversations that had always debouched into the subject of diving in one way or the other.
The Greek bodies hoisted him into a hypermodern diving suit. "We reached coordinates. Dive here," the most overweening of them said. Mark waddled to the edge of the boat, sat down and let himself plonge into the shiny Mediterannean in the familiar backwards somersault. He stretched his webbed legs and before he knew the environment had changed to a dark-blue pool of timelessness. The sense of incertitude -one Mark had not been feeling since the extraterrestrial had handed over the orbs- was now multiplying itself. He passed shrimps, fish, and even a dolphin, and all creatures seemed to look at him in a pitying way, as if they already foresaw a part of his fate that remained obscured for his own myopic eyes. 
Then, out of the blue underwater haze, it loomed. An orb, a giant orb, shiny and bright blue, like a dream, like a mirage, like an afterlife. Mark started to patter faster, more details emerged: palaces and cathedrals and crumbling avenues. He felt unreal, maybe all of this was unreal, but no, it couldn't be, the extraterrestrials had been real, the diving suit which he felt pinch his legs was real, so the dome had to be as well. 
Mark landed on the yellow soil, some grains of sand whirled under his feet. As an underwater penguin, he walked the last miles to the edge of the orb, with every step his heart speeded up. What if this was a trap? What if those plasma walls were dangerous, if they would moulder him when he would try to pass? But there was no going back. Cautiously, timidly, he sticked his diving flipper inside. It passed through without any resistance. Mark inhaled like he had never inhaled before, closed his eyes, and took the final step forward. When he opened his eyes again, everything had changed: the light, the perspective, the temperature. He had made it. While he disposed of the diving suit, he looked around at the spiralling minarets, the garble statues, the otherworldly plants. Right before him there was a sign, half overgrown by algae but still readable:
"Welcome to Atlantis, the city where it never rains."


----------



## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Of course, it had hardly cost Mark's technical team any effort to determine the exact coordinates from where the facebook update had been emitted. Indeed, it turned out to be a deserted spot in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, somewhere between Egypt and Crete. Mark Zuckerberg had immediately set off with his private jet to Iraklion airport, and consequently was transported by limousine to the yacht club in Chania, where his administrative team had already chartered a boat. From his car window, he could just take a look at the Cretian hills, stretching out like dinosaurs' backs, in the South, and the infinite opal waves in the North. The thought that beneath those waves a sunken city resided seemed absurd and appealing at the same time.
> He had never been on Crete before, but what he could see from the black limousine's windows made him hungry for exploring the island. Maybe he could do so when he'd return, after he had solved the whole Atlantis issue. If he were ever to solve the Atlantis issue. Inside he felt like he had become a puppet in an intricate game that had outpassed his endless potency.
> The yacht club was located a few miles off the historical centre, at which Mark could only take a volatile look. The piers were puddling in the crystal water, the harbour was all empty except for a slightly overweight man with a huge moustache.
> "Mister Zuckenberg?" he said with what Mark assumed to be a typical Greek accent.
> ...


LOL!!!! I love it! :clap

I was so drawn into the story and then that last line made me laugh out loud.
And why do Greek guys always have bare chests that glisten? Sort of like roasted turkey. 
And seriously, I'm going to look a lot closer at my shrimp and fish. I did *not *know they could tell the future about me. I think you're on to something, Daniel C!

Great story again! Love it. Thanks. I've been really enjoying this immensely.


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

Is it just me or is the world more colorful today? 

I really need to stop listening to the same song over and over

Thecow jumped over the moon...

The frog leapt over the sun...

The dog ate the frog, the clock struck one...

Dino ate the crow pie...

The evil crow ***** tried to dino...

Dinos too awesome to be eaten.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

elkalee2194 said:


> Is it just me or is the world more colorful today?
> 
> I really need to stop listening to the same song over and over
> 
> ...


But what really happened to the cat with the fiddle?? :sus


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> But what really happened to the cat with the fiddle?? :sus


The cat with the fiddle got chased by Nelly the elephant who packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus with a trumpetty trump trump trump trump to go to a hindustani jungle where her herd was calling.

The cat became a famous musician and performed all over the world.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

elkalee2194 said:


> The cat with the fiddle got chased by Nelly the elephant who packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus with a trumpetty trump trump trump trump to go to a hindustani jungle where her herd was calling.
> 
> The cat became a famous musician and performed all over the world.


:clap Love happy endings.

Did the dish and the spoon get married? You know they never quite tell the backstory on those two. Were they married to other utensils before they ran away? And I've tried to imagine what their children would look like, but I don't get a very pretty picture.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

I just can't seem to understand the problem.

Is it margarine or butter? 


Some nights I stay awake just thinking about it.


And don't get me started about the ingredients in soap.


Oh the humanity!!!


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

On a budget Margarine. 

I heard JabberJaw was selling liquid soap outside a bar over on base and ph street. Not sure why a shark would have such a large surplus of soap. It's nice he wants to help fight germs though.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> On a budget Margarine.
> 
> I heard JabberJaw was selling liquid soap outside a bar over on base and ph street. Not sure why a shark would have such a large surplus of soap. It's nice he wants to help fight germs though.


Could he be a soap pusher?

Thanks for settling that whole butter/margarine thing.


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## The Enemy Within (Sep 20, 2012)

I have never met Napoleon
But I plan to find the time 
I have never met Napoleon
But I plan to find the time 
'Cause he looks so fine upon that hill 
They tell me he was lonely, he's lonely still
Those days are gone forever
Over a long time ago, oh yeah


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

The Enemy Within said:


> I have never met Napoleon
> But I plan to find the time
> I have never met Napoleon
> But I plan to find the time
> ...


Don't be fooled by Napoleon, he will have your arm off and in a sandwich before you can say Hullabaloo. And it will be proper butter too - Lurpak in fact. No margarine for Napoleon because he's a man that knows his butter.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Feeling very let down. We all ordered Dominos pizza. I had 3 bits of peperoni on one side of my pizza and 6 bits on the other side. My friend had 2 and 7 (7 wtf!!! that isn't even an option), and my other friend had 4 and 5. Well it was a really quick game of dominoes is all I will say.


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Blah in a hat with a cat not in the hat but with a blah o.o whattt


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

You came for a scause to wear on your paws. And you want others to wear theres upan thars. In the modern age there are those who believe a scause is to be worn on ones sleeve. So we sell a cause, it's called a scause. It gets you lots of applause. A scause for appalause.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

The Enemy Within said:


> I have never met Napoleon
> But I plan to find the time
> I have never met Napoleon
> But I plan to find the time
> ...


Even though Pretzel Logic calls themselves Logic,

I'm not sure it's that logical.

Unless of course, this is what all pretzels think.

In that case, I think it could be quite logical.

You know,.................. in pretzel speak.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Don't be fooled by Napoleon, he will have your arm off and in a sandwich before you can say Hullabaloo. And it will be proper butter too - Lurpak in fact. No margarine for Napoleon because he's a man that knows his butter.


You need to listen to this man.

He knows his butter.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> Feeling very let down. We all ordered Dominos pizza. I had 3 bits of peperoni on one side of my pizza and 6 bits on the other side. My friend had 2 and 7 (7 wtf!!! that isn't even an option), and my other friend had 4 and 5. Well it was a really quick game of dominoes is all I will say.


I'm really bad at Math questions. Give me a hint. How fast was the pizza moving before it hit the dominoes?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Blah in a hat with a cat not in the hat but with a blah o.o whattt


Yes. 

Uh.

Yes.

Uh.

Well, um. :um

Maybe. :um

Um..............not so sure. :sus


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> You came for a scause to wear on your paws. And you want others to wear theres upan thars. In the modern age there are those who believe a scause is to be worn on ones sleeve. So we sell a cause, it's called a scause. It gets you lots of applause. A scause for appalause.


South Park is definitely not crazy talk.

:no

nawwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Has anybody seen Kenny? :afr


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> Yes.
> 
> Uh.
> 
> ...


Crazy talk with four days without sleep ^.^ things turn into blah, time moves slowly and cats are just awesome when not in a hat. cat in a hat is trouble maker o.o


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## the alley cat (May 17, 2012)

Blue is happy just the way he is
Brown is scared of everyone, especially Red
Purple calms Brown down
Yellow gets too excited when he's with Blue
Red thinks everyone is dangerous
Orange is suspicious of yellow
Green hates everyone
White is asleep
Black sees everyone around him


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Crazy talk with four days without sleep ^.^ things turn into blah, time moves slowly and cats are just awesome when not in a hat. cat in a hat is trouble maker o.o


mooooovvviiiiiiiiinngggggggggggg slooooooooooooo moooooooooooo tooooooooo caaaaaaaaatch troutttttttttttttttttttttt!

That's insomniac speech. I learned that trick when I went 5 days with about 2 hours sleep. the world just went whizzing by.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

the alley cat said:


> Blue is happy just the way he is
> Brown is scared of everyone, especially Red
> Purple calms Brown down
> Yellow gets too excited when he's with Blue
> ...


:twak Get back in that box, you crayons!

They'll be no more trouble with you colors tonight!!

Anybody have scotch tape?


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## the alley cat (May 17, 2012)

Ebno ju, zpv dsbdlfe uif dpef!


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

I looked through a magazine the missionary's wife conceals
I see how people who are civilized bang you with automobiles
At the movies they have got to pay many coconuts to see Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

The purple monkey made me do it but his arguments were pretty convincing.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

the alley cat said:


> Ebno ju, zpv dsbdlfe uif dpef!


Yes!

Maybe.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> I looked through a magazine the missionary's wife conceals
> I see how people who are civilized bang you with automobiles
> At the movies they have got to pay many coconuts to see Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me


The Andrew Sisters!!! 

That's just crazy talk!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Aces_Shy said:


> The purple monkey made me do it but his arguments were pretty convincing.


You know, I've seen these attorney monkeys in action. I would definitely want them on my side in a lawsuit.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

Speaking of taxidermy...

I have the most beautiful dog. When she was younger, she was like THE ideal looking dog! (Always regretted not getting her into acting for advertisements.) In her old age she's grown a bit of excess skin on her face/neck and being hand-rared is extremely tolerant. If you push the skin around she can make really funny faces. I love her to bits but often joke about replacing her/stuffing her body when she dies. It started as a joke but I've convinced one of my sisters (whose less attuned to my deranged sense of humor) that when the dog dies, I'm going to get her taxidermied. ...And have her face filled with plasticine or some sort of squishy putty. So she'd be like one of those toys made of a ballon and flour, that you squish into a funny face and it stays like that for a while. You know, these ones:


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> mooooovvviiiiiiiiinngggggggggggg slooooooooooooo moooooooooooo tooooooooo caaaaaaaaatch troutttttttttttttttttttttt!
> 
> That's insomniac speech. I learned that trick when I went 5 days with about 2 hours sleep. the world just went whizzing by.


Im going on six o.o everything feels like a dream .-.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Unkn0wn Pleasures said:


> Speaking of taxidermy...
> 
> I have the most beautiful dog. When she was younger, she was like THE ideal looking dog! (Always regretted not getting her into acting for advertisements.) In her old age she's grown a bit of excess skin on her face/neck and being hand-rared is extremely tolerant. If you push the skin around she can make really funny faces. I love her to bits but often joke about replacing her/stuffing her body when she dies. It started as a joke but I've convinced one of my sisters (whose less attuned to my deranged sense of humor) that when the dog dies, I'm going to get her taxidermied. ...And have her face filled with plasticine or some sort of squishy putty. So she'd be like one of those toys made of a ballon and flour, that you squish into a funny face and it stays like that for a while. You know, these ones:


LOL!!!

I mean not about your dog dying, but I could so see that and it just seems like it would be the best conversation piece.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Im going on six o.o everything feels like a dream .-.


You're getting sleeeeeeeeeeeeepy sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy................


----------



## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

chantellabella said:


> You're getting sleeeeeeeeeeeeepy sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy................


Put me under so i can slumber lol


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## the alley cat (May 17, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> Yes!
> 
> Maybe.


:doh Hvfh zpv ejeo'u


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.


I read the entire lyrics of that song, Loser by Beck, and the rest of it sounds even crazier.

btw. Monkeys are cute. Well in a poop slinging kind of way.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

chantellabella said:


> I read the entire lyrics of that song, Loser by Beck, and the rest of it sounds even crazier.
> 
> btw. Monkeys are cute. Well in a poop slinging kind of way.


Ya Loser by Beck has some of the craziest lyrics that i have ever heard.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Zeppelin said:


> Ya Loser by Beck has some of the craziest lyrics that i have ever heard.


Do you actually know all of the songs you've listed in this thread? I'm impressed!

I can only recall lyrics from Monty Python songs like Spam Spam Spam Spam. I've completely blocked out the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for them in my brain.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I rush through the endless winding corridor, the paintigs rush along like faded stains, the only thing I see is the next turn behind which the French girl might or might not be in sight. After a countless amount of turns my breath can no longer keep up, and I have to slow my pace. However, at that point, a galloping ascends behind me, and while I turn my head I see the queen's unicorn corner the last turn, its long manes and moonlight hairs fluttering like flags in the breeze, its massive body just barely fitting within the vaulted hallway. Just a few feet before me it holds still, I can see its thighs vibrate softly under its profound breath. Slowly and nobly, it lowers its legs. I know what its intention is, and carefully mounts its back, which feels like a bed of down feathers. It rises up again, and resumes its fleeting trot, I have to squeeze my arms around its neck, I see the walls shoot past, I close my eyes. This hellbent ride continues for about two minutes, then I feel the hunting rhythm of the creature's hoofs delay. I open my eyes again, and before me I see the glass doors that lead to the main hall, and before those my French mermaid looks up to me with utter bewilderment in her contrasting eyes. 
"I wonder... is it necessary? Just... couldn't you just have walked, like me?"
"It was the only way to catch you up," I say, while jumping off the unicorn's back in an overwhelmingly athletic way. "You left before the queen was done speaking."
"Ah, sure. And what did you two debate together. Have you been talking about those aliens some more? Do they turn out to have X-ray eyes as well?"
"No, no, we talked about... uhm..."
"Yes?"
I cannot escape telling her anymore. Her eyes pin me down like a marionette.
"Listen... There is something I need to tell you. It's..."
"Do you want me to join you on a heroic quest towards Venus as well?"
"No, no. It's about... about this all. You know, what I should have told you from the beginning, really, is... all of this is not real."
She falls silent, I search for words that are hidden deep within my intestines.
"You see... all of this is really... a story. We're all characters in a story."
"What do you mean?"
"Uhm... it's quite silly, really... but this whole plot, it's just... a story I wrote."
"What kind of story. In a book?"
"You could say so, yes. Wel... more of a website, actually. But it's a very high-pitched website, mind you. Lots of readers. Boy, are we getting famous."
"Wait... you're telling me the only reason I've been going through all this nonsense is to figure in some crazy story you posted on some crazy website?"
"Well, if you put it that way."
"Wait a moment... that fish attack on my village... was it you? Did you deliberately drive me into the Mediterranean in order to add me to this weird story of yours? People died in that disaster. I don't know... I still don't know what happened to my father. All because of... What kind of monster are you, Daniel?"
"No, no, you don't understand. I didn't do that. I was just writing about my trip through the Mediterranean when suddenly you popped up... like a turtle falling from the sky, as it were. Only later I learnt about your village's fate. It must have been..."
"You can tell me more. I don't want to be a part of your sick fantasies any longer. You can fight off aliens without me, I'm leaving foregood. I'm going back to France and forget about all of this lunacy."
She turns around and, like a windstorm, bursts through the glass doors, across the golden hall. 
"That didn't go very well, right?" I turn around as well. It's the butler, petting the unicorn over its back. 
"Did I ask you for any advise? Please go back to your queen and don't creep up behind people minding their own problems anymore. And take that upstart girls toy with you."
Without hesitating, I follow the French girl through the glass doors, into the hall. She's already beneath. "Wait, please! I can explain!"
"Explain what? How you tricked me into this doomed city only to perk up this story of yours? No thanks." She crosses the front door, into the otherworldy garden. I descend the stairs, taking three steps a time, and bash trough the ebony gate as well. But in the yard I hold still. Amidst the crumbled statues and purple ferns, a figure stands. He looks familiar, but I can't immediately give him a place. However, he seems just as surprised himself. Before me, the angry semi-mermaid, even though I can only see her back, seems to linger in equal bemusement.
The silence oppresses us like an electric haze. Finally, the man opens his mouth.
"_You?_ What are _you_ doing here?"
For one moment I think he's talking to me, but the girl replies before I can even think of a word, let alone an answer.
"I could ask you the same thing, Mark."
And now I recognise him, of course I recognise him, I've seen his face multiple times before, on tv, on the internet... It is Mark Zuckerberg.


----------



## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

Master, master! This is recorded through the fly's ear, and you have to have the fly's eye to see it. It's the thing that's gonna make Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band fat, Frank, it's the big hit...It's the blimp! It's the blimp, Frank, it's the blimp! When I see you floatin' down the gutter, I'll give you a bottle o' wine. Put me on the white hook, back in the fat rack, shad rack ee shack. The sumpin' hoop, the sumptin' hoop! The blimp! The blimp! :|


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

I think i'll go home and mull this over Before i cram it down my throat At long last it's crashed, it's colossal mass Has broken up into bits in my moat.

Lift the mattress off the floor Walk the cramps off Go meander in the cold Hail to your dark skin Hiding the fact you're dead again Undeneath the power lines seeking shade Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks That let us bet when you know we should fold On rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped And the whole mess of roads we're now on.

Hold your glass up, hold it in Never betray the way you've always known it is. One day i'll be wondering how I got so old just wondering how I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

This is way beyond my remote concern Of being condescending

All these squawking birds won't quit. Building nothing, laying bricks.


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> I rush through the endless winding corridor, the paintigs rush along like faded stains, the only thing I see is the next turn behind which the French girl might or might not be in sight. After a countless amount of turns my breath can no longer keep up, and I have to slow my pace. However, at that point, a galloping ascends behind me, and while I turn my head I see the queen's unicorn corner the last turn, its long manes and moonlight hairs fluttering like flags in the breeze, its massive body just barely fitting within the vaulted hallway. Just a few feet before me it holds still, I can see its thighs vibrate softly under its profound breath. Slowly and nobly, it lowers its legs. I know what its intention is, and carefully mounts its back, which feels like a bed of down feathers. It rises up again, and resumes its fleeting trot, I have to squeeze my arms around its neck, I see the walls shoot past, I close my eyes. This hellbent ride continues for about two minutes, then I feel the hunting rhythm of the creature's hoofs delay. I open my eyes again, and before me I see the glass doors that lead to the main hall, and before those my French mermaid looks up to me with utter bewilderment in her contrasting eyes.
> "I wonder... is it necessary? Just... couldn't you just have walked, like me?"
> "It was the only way to catch you up," I say, while jumping off the unicorn's back in an overwhelmingly athletic way. "You left before the queen was done speaking."
> "Ah, sure. And what did you two debate together. Have you been talking about those aliens some more? Do they turn out to have X-ray eyes as well?"
> ...


But why did you have to be honest with her, Daniel? She never would have known that she was in a story. You could have fooled her forever, got married, had kids. Then while dying on your death bed, your last words could have been.........."honey, you're just a fictional character in a story I wrote on some forum." *dramatic last breath* *expire*

She would have still loved you. Pissed as all get out.........but she would have still loved you.

Now look what will happen. Mark's going to come right in and sweep her off her fins.

There's still time. Tell her it was all a dream. Tell her you were an evil twin. Deny the whole thing!!


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

Luka92 said:


> Master, master! This is recorded through the fly's ear, and you have to have the fly's eye to see it. It's the thing that's gonna make Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band fat, Frank, it's the big hit...It's the blimp! It's the blimp, Frank, it's the blimp! When I see you floatin' down the gutter, I'll give you a bottle o' wine. Put me on the white hook, back in the fat rack, shad rack ee shack. The sumpin' hoop, the sumptin' hoop! The blimp! The blimp! :|


Bob Hope talking to Frank Sinatra?

Am I close?


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## chantellabella (May 5, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> I think i'll go home and mull this over Before i cram it down my throat At long last it's crashed, it's colossal mass Has broken up into bits in my moat.
> 
> Lift the mattress off the floor Walk the cramps off Go meander in the cold Hail to your dark skin Hiding the fact you're dead again Undeneath the power lines seeking shade Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason
> 
> ...


This all makes sense. Granted, I'm on heavy medication at the moment.

But it does make sense.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Chantellabella has been silenced!!! Her status doesn't indicate that she's been banned, but when I tried to write her a VM, her profile was all blankity-blank. I'm really hoping that this is just a temporary ban, but I have a really bad feeling that it's permanent. :cry Tella, if you're lurking around disembodied and unable to communicate, we miss you. You brave fool, you.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Chantellabella has been silenced!!! Her status doesn't indicate that she's been banned, but when I tried to write her a VM, her profile was all blankity-blank. I'm really hoping that this is just a temporary ban, but I have a really bad feeling that it's permanent. :cry Tella, if you're lurking around disembodied and unable to communicate, we miss you. You brave fool, you.


Oh no!  I can't believe this. There has to be some misunderstanding. 
She can't have vanished. She just can't. She's one of the pillars of this website. Removing her would be like... like removing the Beatles from the music history. Or google from the internet. Or Germany from the face of Europe.
Maybe we should do something. Make a 'save chantellabella' group. Petition the mods.
Or maybe not.
I'm confused.
Please come back! :afr


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## KramersHalfSister (May 3, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Chantellabella has been silenced!!! Her status doesn't indicate that she's been banned, but when I tried to write her a VM, her profile was all blankity-blank. I'm really hoping that this is just a temporary ban, but I have a really bad feeling that it's permanent. :cry Tella, if you're lurking around disembodied and unable to communicate, we miss you. You brave fool, you.


Hey, don't worry. She wanted me to tell you that she left on her own and requested a permanent ban. She's alright


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## KramersHalfSister (May 3, 2012)

Daniel C said:


> Oh no!  I can't believe this. There has to be some misunderstanding.
> She can't have vanished. She just can't. She's one of the pillars of this website. Removing her would be like... like removing the Beatles from the music history. Or google from the internet. Or Germany from the face of Europe.
> Maybe we should do something. Make a 'save chantellabella' group. Petition the mods.
> Or maybe not.
> ...


Oops, should have put this in one post. She wanted me to tell you too that's she alright and requested a permanent ban on her own accord.


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

Her presence on the forums will be greatly missed.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

Lmatic3030 said:


> Her presence on the forums will be greatly missed.


+1:ditto


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

KramersHalfSister said:


> Hey, don't worry. She wanted me to tell you that she left on her own and requested a permanent ban. She's alright


Aw, so she left us willingly?  That's disappointing. We could have made a really hardcore SAS movie about it. Danial C and I were going to lead the resistance against the corrupted administration that silenced our brave, kind, and intelligent leader, Chantellabella. Seriously, she was like the Ghandi of SAS. I'm glad that she's alright though and that she left on her own terms. Thank you for giving us a heads up, KramersHalfSister. We shall have a farewell celebration in Atlantis in Tella's honor! There shall be plenty of taxidermy decorations, classic rock music, and Jupiterian parting customs.



Daniel C said:


> Oh no!  I can't believe this. There has to be some misunderstanding.
> She can't have vanished. She just can't. She's one of the pillars of this website. Removing her would be like... like removing the Beatles from the music history. Or google from the internet. Or Germany from the face of Europe.
> Maybe we should do something. Make a 'save chantellabella' group. Petition the mods.
> Or maybe not.
> ...


Considering that she left on her own terms, I guess we do nothing. You can go back to saving the universe from Mark Zuckerberg and the aliens and I'll just twiddle my thumbs.


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## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Aw, so she left us willingly?  That's disappointing. We could have made a really hardcore SAS movie about it. Danial C and I were going to lead the resistance against the corrupted administration that silenced our brave, kind, and intelligent leader, Chantellabella. Seriously, she was like the Ghandi of SAS. I'm glad that she's alright though and that she left on her own terms. Thank you for giving us a heads up, KramersHalfSister. We shall have a farewell celebration in Atlantis in Tella's honor! There shall be plenty of taxidermy decorations, classic rock music, and Jupiterian parting customs.
> 
> Considering that she left on her own terms, I guess we do nothing. You can go back to saving the universe from Mark Zuckerberg and the aliens and I'll just twiddle my thumbs.


Yeah... but since she was the only reader of my story I guess it doesn't make much sense to continue it...
That movie you mention sounds so epic. You know, maybe we can just ignore the fact that she left voluntarily and produce it anyway? Just imagine... I could be played by Brad Pitt and be extremely good-looking. And then in the final scene there would be an epic battle on top of the Sagrada Familia in which the evil mastermind would throw me into the depth but I would be saved by a huge pile of fluffy taxidermy animals. That would be so awesome. 
Or maybe I should just be glad everything is fine with her. Yeah, let's do that.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Daniel C said:


> Yeah... but since she was the only reader of my story I guess it doesn't make much sense to continue it...
> That movie you mention sounds so epic. You know, maybe we can just ignore the fact that she left voluntarily and produce it anyway? Just imagine... I could be played by Brad Pitt and be extremely good-looking. And then in the final scene there would be an epic battle on top of the Sagrada Familia in which the evil mastermind would throw me into the depth but I would be saved by a huge pile of fluffy taxidermy animals. That would be so awesome.
> Or maybe I should just be glad everything is fine with her. Yeah, let's do that.


Why can't we do both? Sure we can secretly be happy for her, but we can't let that epic movie scene go to waste either. Of course I'll still be cast as a giant squid.

But...story.  I read your story. I just read it a few installments at a time since I don't visit the Crazy Talk thread regularly anymore. Well, soon this thread will become a dead zone since it won't be fun with Chantellabella...think it will become inhabited by ghosts?


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## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena

Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena

Hey Macarena!

(Ay!)


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## the alley cat (May 17, 2012)

bazinga!


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## the alley cat (May 17, 2012)

Cheesy, milky drunkiness! High on ice cream at the milk bar!!!1!!! chugga chugga choo choo! Violence! mood swings! Insanity!!! Milk! Oh the horror!


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## The Enemy Within (Sep 20, 2012)

My stamina level is the lowest since the *Law of 79'...*


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## Sevrin (Dec 23, 2012)

Sir! The Colonel is up on the hill requesting cold fish porridge! ...At once ! Filigree! Achoo! Bless you ! Bless Me ? Yes, you! Thank you kind sir... off you go !


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I miss chantabella and this crazy talk thread. I liked having my outlet for crazy talk. I liked the crazyness here. Daniel C had great crazy stories.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Oh


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