# My problem, please help



## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

*Hi, I'm 16 years old and for about 6 months I have social anxiety and I belive I'm not normal anymore*. I don't care about good grades, being seen good by others or anything else, I hate to brag but people from teachers to friends used to say that I'm a very gifted man, my life have become a mess (I used to be good loking and tall now I being fat and ugly). It all started in december 2012 when had right and realistic belifs, I liked how I was and who I was but I started to have a tought "I don't know how to react properly if someone hits me", it wasn't a big deal but I was kinda scared that somebody would hit me and I wouldn't know what to do and they will se me as an idiot so I kept thinking and thinking about this again until it has evolved in "I don't know how to react generally" and "I will make social mistakes" and because I was thinking about these I started to think "I have changed, I don't talk like before" and it has evolved in "I don't know how to talk properly anymore" and I started to analyze every word I say and so on.

*Right now I'm full of these distructive thoughts that I don't even know if they are real or not*, my head is full of them and due to them I started having social anxiety and moments of anxiety only made things words. The most destructive are "How should I be like" (I feel I have no personality anymore) , "I will act weird" , "People will see I'm weird" and "Everything I say it's wrong", I don't even remember why I started thinking this way but now it's kinda true. Funny part now I know that if someone hits me I should do what I fell and hit him back, but things are not so simple anymore cause back then I used to do what I feel but now I'm a changed person so if I would do what I feel I would probably act weird cause I have become really awkward as a person. I felt my life was over but I fought so I started to have some "good moments" when I would be great like I was before but they wouldn't last very long. It's a small step but it gives me hope right now I really don't know what should I do and I might need some help or guidance or at least a piece of advice from someone how I feel.

*Right now my problem is:* Short term Social Anxiety, long term: a lot of irrational thughts made in time. When I'm with other people I'm not focused on the outside, I'm focused on the inside and I keep thinking about these things over and over (it goes like something automatic, I wanna stop but I can't) so I can't even judge things normal anymore how the others see me or if the thing I said it's right or wrong, because I'm not really focused on these ones, I'm focused in my head thinking about my problems and wondering if the next action I'm going to do is weird or not. I don't see things how I should see them anymore, I can't think normal and logical anymore, there are many simple things that even an idiot could see that I can't see.

*I don't know when I started exactly having social anxiety* but I feel I'm in a circle of good and bad moments from which I can't escape. Because it's a circle I don't know exactly where I should start from, let's say I have a bad moemnt when I'm overcomed by these thoughts, I don't know how should I be like and I'm anxious and I'm afraid of messing things up, and I think that everything I say it's wrong, adn I think that I act weird, and I'm not focused about what's around me and I keep thinking about these thoughts looking for a solution (even if I don't wanna think I still do), after a while (mabey a few minutes, mabye an hour, maybe even a day) I find a so called solution like: "I have to stop being in control" , "I will see then how I will react" , "I don't have to analyze myself anymore" , "Why the hell do I think about these craps" , "I don't have to be in a certain way" , "There is no such thing at talking weird" etc moment in which suddenly the anxiety disappears and I enter a good moment (which variates from 10 minutes to 2 days), I stop thinking about those things, I feel the need to talk, I stop running out of words and I feel like I'm a normal person again and sometimes I like myself in those momens and feel that other people even have reasons to like me.

[*But after a while the negative and destructive thoughts are comming back*, and automaticaly I start looking and looking for something not right with me, in those momenst I try to stop thinking or think at something else but I simply can't. And after a while the inevitable happens and I think something like: "I don't know how to react" , "I'm afraid of making social mistakes" , "What if I would act weird", "I'm not a normal person anymore", "What if I say something wrong", "Nobody likes me", "Is it good what I'm doing right now ?", "I don't really like myself", "How should I be like ?" and so on. And after that the anxiety and the fear starts again, even paranoia appears and I stop thinking normal and seeing things for what they really are, I start having this feeling that I don't know what's good and what's wrong to do anymore etc.

*I foget everything I knew about the anxiety and about the corectness of my thoughts that helped me overcome them* and my way of seeing things it's like it's restarted. From the right and realistic one (that normal or cured people have) from the wrong, paranoid and anxious one. And then I start to look again for ways to overcoem it (and if I read again the old ones that helped me be in a good moment last time they simply won't work anymore, I know they are right but I feel I don't belive in them anymore), and I keep looking and looking how I would like to be, what's right and what's wrong, I look for a ballance and after a while I manage to find some. After I'm being ballanced again I try to look for a solution to my thought and after a while I find it, the last one was "just accept yourself" (worked for a day). After that I find again something to be afraid of, anxiety comes and I start to repeat the circle.

*Thats all, thank you if you read until here I know it really a lot but I really want to overcome this until it's not too late. I would apreciate any, any kind of help, anything at all.*

*In the end some conflicts between my good moments and my bad moments that confuses me*. When I have good moments I belive I only look shy when I'm anxious, when I have bad moments I belive I look and act awkward like a lunatic when I'm anxoius. In my good moments I belive people stil see me pretty ok (not as good at they used to but ok, netural most of them) and in my bad moments I belive everybody see me as a loser, an idiot, someone boring. Also I feel don't have a static personality or character, every time I'm different, every time I change "my moment" I feel like a different person, and not 2 persons good and bad, in every "transformation" I feel like I'm a different person and I stop being like that when I'm changing again (sometimes I like myself and sometimes I don't, and it has nothing to do if it's either a good or a bad moments, sometimes I liked personality even in a bad moment). I don't have a static personality, I have a dyinamic one and not because of the places where I am or because of my state (being sad or angry), I just simply am different every time, that's why I think I'm very weird and I'm not sure if other people notices my changes.


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

Empty7 said:


> *Hi, I'm 16 years old and for about 6 months I have social anxiety and I belive I'm not normal anymore*.
> 
> What constitutes, "normal?"
> 
> ...


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

Thanks, I guess my problem is that I'm over analyzing and over thinking which created me these irrational thoughts. My term of "Normal" constitutes a person that is not overthinking, is thinking and judging in a certain and normal way, it's not afraid to talk and succesful express what they feel, it's not paranoid about, and sees things for what they really are (for example I don't what it's good and what it's not good to do anymore, I don't know why I shouldn't hit someone anymore, or I don't know why I shouldn't talk in class anymore, or I don't know why I shouldn't go naked on the street anymore, all I know is that nobody does these things), I don't see things like a normal person anymore, I used to but now I just feel like a weirdo.

I belive I'm acting or talking weird because I'm overthinking and instead of being connected to the converastion I tend to analyze if what I said it was right, what position my body have and unusual things like these, and because of these things I tend to look at me like someone who isn't really focused on coversation _(Those kind of people who where always thinking at something else in the movies)_, I stare when I'm thinking and it's kinda weird for other people to see someone staring for no reason.

About all of these thoughts now I know the answers, to all of them, they are irrational that's the answer so they don't affect me that much (right now, and I hope they won't affect me anymore in the future), I'll just try not to think at them but I don't really know how since I don't know why they are irrational or how to "solve" them. I kinda stopped over thinking and over analyzing that much since I've read your post but I'm still over the normal person line. I'm looking for that ballance that everybody naturaly have between not thinking too much and not thinking at all, not acting too weird and not doing nothing.

I belive my mind is in the gutter at this topic since so would you please tell me why these thoughts are irrational cause it make sense they have to be irrational but I don't know why.
*How normal people analyzes things -* I know I used to be a normal person like 6 months ago but I can't remeber what normal people analyse and what they don't, how do they judge what is right and what is wrong to do or to say, how do they feel about their thoughts and their instincts, do they always do what they feel ? if no, but when ? How do they talk without fear or peranoia ? (ex: talking to a complete stanger, would a normal person do it without any problems or retains, or is it weird ?)

*I don't know how to react aka "I don't know what to do if.." -* Normal people would react to specific things in a normal or an usual way, I don't know "how to react in a normal way" cause doing what I feel doesn't seems like a good ideea since many times I simply feel nothing or I feel something that I know it's not normal not only because I didn't used to feel this way before this problem but also because nobody does that. There are moments when I wouldn't know what to do and I'm afraid this will hapeen, people will see this and wonder "why doesn't he do anything" , "why doesn't he ..." and will start to see me as a freak (ex: someone hits me, someone makes fun of me, someone pushes me, someone tells me a simple statement, someone ask me to do something, someone acuses me of something, and so on).

*I'm not acting normal -* Due to my unusual thoughts I've become a very unballanced person, I don't see the communication in the same way I used to, I don't see other people like I used to, I don't judge my actions like I used to, so I'm not normal. I might talk to someone a few times then I would stop talking to them due to my problems so they will think that there is something wrong with me, or that I'm rude with them, or I don't wanna talk to them again etc.

*I'm afraid of mistake -* I'm afriad of doing something wrong, saying something wrong or doing social mistakes (pissing someone off without meaing it, doing things I don't realise because I'm not normal anymore), talking in a weird way (saying a word twice, or saying more than it's normal) and so on. (for example: I want to put a comment on facebook, but I'm not sure if it's something I as a normal person would say, if it's normal to post to a person I barly know, if it's a good or a bad joke pin case it's a joke] and so on)

*I don't know what to say after -* someone says a statement, a retorical question, someone acuses me, someone asks me something, someone says thanks, and many other things people say, _(I don't know how to react to these things and people will see that there is something wrong with me if I do nothing)_ I don't know when it's "normal" to simply say something like "ok" , "right" , "yeah" , when it's normal to add something to the conversation, and when you really don't have to, I simply can't find the normal and natural logic in conversation anymore (for example someone tells me a story about what he has done last year, I have no ideea if I should say something after that story or even what to say, I feel like a weirdo in those moments but I'm not sure if I'm a weirdo on the outside), I wasn't a talkative person before, in fact I was really shy _(Now I'm rather confused than shy cause I have no restaints anymore, I just don't know if it's normal what I'm thinking to do)_ but I was talking in a normal, logical and usual way.

*I don't see things how I should -* I have no restraint from doing anything anymore, I feel I could steal a car without realising why is it bad, the only reason I don't do this is because it's not normal. If I wan't to talk to somebody I don't really know I don't know if it's normal to simply go and talk to him. I can't see normal reasons anymore, I feel like I'm a broken person.

*Why talking has become a problem -* There was no danger in communcation before, but now I fear I won't know how to talk normal, to say the right things cause I can't judge correct anymore and people will think I'm really weird or awkward. I can't understand when a joke is good and when is bad anymore, I'm not affected by anything anymore.

*I have doubts about myself-* Cause I don't know what's good and what's wrong to do anymore, so I can't judge things right anymore and I'm not sure how should I act or how should I be anymore, there is a big chance I might do unusual or surprising thins for other people without realising it cause I don't see things in a proper way anymore, I just try to be normal.

*How joking really works -* I can't understand anymore how saying a joke works, when does someone says a joke and when is insulting me ?, when do I have to say something back and when I can simply take it, what if I look like an idiot, I mean what are the chanses to offend someone, who is normal to joke to (close friends or anybody), should I make a joke on facebook, do what I feel, but what if it's bad to do what I feel _(I mean I'm a weirdo right now so I might do weird things if I do what I feel) _.

*I simply don't understand simple and normal things anymore do I don't belive I'm normal anymore.*

*How am I supposed to be -* How should I act, what should I say, when should I laugh, how should I be, what shuld my personality be like, how should I judge things, I feel so empty and different from other people, a good answer might be "do what you feel" well I feel comfusion. (for example if I want to talk to somebody: "Is it normal to have a restraint, is it normal to go talk to him, will I act or talk normal, am I judging normal right now, do I really want to talk to him" and in the end I won't go talk to him because I don't know if it's normal) (and a bigger example: I don't even know how to act in school, I don't know how to talk to somebody, what should I do next, I don't know if it's bad to play on the cellphone in class, I don't know how to react normal if a teacher tells me to stop playing with the phone, or asks me why I'm playing with the phone.

Also everytime I talk to someone I feel I don't do the right things... but I don't know why, how do the normal people judge and see these things ?. And the worst part is that I don't even know which of these things really happens and really are important or are just in my head.

About "Be yourself" and "Don't care what other people think". Be youself means do what you feel but nobody ever does everthing they feel cause they do judge things in a way, and I don't know how it's normal to judge them anymore, I feel I have no retains for doing anything anymore. And I really don't care what other people thing anymore but I know it's wrong cause you have to care in a certain amount, also I can't judge what should I care and what shouldn't I, my belifs about right and wrong I had before this problem are all gone and I can't remember them, all I remember is that I had them. *Also I'm not sure how the anxiety works in this ?* It feels like sometimes I realise what I have to do and sometimes I don't, what exaclty does anxiety changes in me ?

*I simply do not know why each of these thoughts are irrational since I feel like this. And there might be other thoughts I don't know if they are rational or irrational. I might try to think less, but I don't know how much of a less should I think, cause not thinking at all is also bad. It could be really helpful if someone would told me how does a normal person think in different situations (Wanting to talk to somebody, thinking about doing something like stealing a car, what they think when they are talking, how to they always say the right thing at the right moment, what they think when they want to do something and they have doubts, how do they judge what is good and what is bad, what to say and if it's normal, what's polite, unpolite or weird to do, a normal thing to do if someone ask them something and they are busy, and so on). *


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

I realised that was way too long and there was not even a proper question so:
What should I do when I doubt about my actions or about my normality ?

How exaclty should I think in order to stop overthinking and also not think to less ?
*You shuldn't think in order to stop overthinking, when you see you're overthinking say STOP and focus on a distraction, it would be hard at first but in time you will overcome it.*

Why do I feel I can't see things for that they really are, and I can't see them normal ?
*Because of the social anxiety that causes you irrational or meaningless worries.*

Why are each those thoughts irrational, and is there really a "danger" in communcation ?
*There is absolutely no danger in communication, if you say nothing people will only think you are quiet or shy. And if you don't say anything there is also nothing wrong with that.*

What should I do or how should I think when I litteraly don't know what to do anymore ?
*When you litteraly don't know what to do, do what you feel or try to do something you feel confortable with.*

How am I supposed to be ? (More rough or more nice ? More honest or saying good things ?
*You are supposed to be how you want to be, if you want to be honest then be honest if you want to be a liar then lie, do the thing you feel more confortable with.*

to be nice or realistic with the others ?) I just can't be myself, I don't know how..
*Do as you wish, everything in this world is about decision, if you would like more to be nice then be nice but you will have to lie from time to time, if you like more to be realistic to people then be realistic even though your honoestity might upset some. From my experience most people are nice but I've also meet realistic people that are telling you the truth.*

What am I supposed to be like when I simply feel nothing....
*That is because of the depression, you are not in mood for anything, make small goals like "make some tea" and push yourself to do them.*

How does a normal person sees things want what does a normal person think in those situations ?
*This is a dead irrational thought, a normal person see things in the same way you see them except that a normal person is not afraid on what other people think. Everybody care

what other people think about them but people withouth social anxiety are not afraid of that. They care if people like them or not but there is no big deal if they don't like them, it's not the end of the world.*

Which of my thoughts are irratonal and which are real ? how do I check ?
*Irrational thoughts: Catastrophising - seeing the worst possible outcome in everything, Minimalization - this involves minimizing your own good qualities, or refusing to see the good (or bad) qualities of other people or situations, Magica Thinking - Magical thinkers come to believe that by doing some sort of ritual they can avoid harm to themselves or others. The ritual may or may not be connected with the perceived harm, and sufferers tend to keep their rituals secret. Leaps in logic - Making seemingly logic-based statements, even though the process that led to the idea was missing obvious steps. Jumping to conclusions, often negative ones. One type of logical leap is assuming that you know what someone else is thinking. For instance, a teenager might assume that everyone at school hates her, or that anyone who is whispering is talking about her. "All or nothing" thinking - Being unable to see shades of gray in everyday life can lead to major misperceptions and even despair. A person who thinks only in black-and-white terms can't comprehend small successes. He's either an abject failure or a complete success, never simply on his way to doing better. Paranoia - In its extreme forms, paranoia slides into the realm of delusion. Many bipolar people experience less severe forms of paranoia because of personalizing events, catastrophizing, or making leaps in logic. A teen with mildly paranoid thoughts might feel that everyone at school is watching and judging him, when in fact he's barely on their radar screen. Delusional thinking - Most of the other thought styles mentioned above are mildly delusional. Seriously delusional thinking has even less basis in reality, and can include holding persistently strange beliefs. For example, someone may insist that he was kidnapped by aliens, and really believe that it is true.*

What about the fear of being wrong and other fears I didn't use to have when I was normal ?
*Fear of being wrong is a basic part of social anxiety, it comes from a lack of confidentce*

And what do you think about my "block" in communication at "I don't know what to say after" ?
*Then don't say anything, there is no problem with that*

Is this really my personality ? Is this really something I would have said ? Is this really me ?
*Again irrational overthining you are already youself and will always be yourself.*

BTW: There are moments when I see things more clearly, think more logical and I feel a little bit normal (I feel I have normal retains, I feel I can see what's right and wrong, I feel less paranoid but that's pretty much everything), I have never felt fully normal like I used to be before the first irrational thought. *Moments of relaxation and confidence.*


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## cookies (Jan 20, 2008)

Listen to TeenyBeany she knows what she is talking about.

My only thought is that you are young and your SA has just started. So the sooner and quicker you address the problem the more likely you will be successful.

Google CBT and do some research (self help). This will help you with your anxiety.


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

cookies said:


> Listen to TeenyBeany she knows what she is talking about.


What do you mean ? is there something I've done that she told me I shouldn't ?
I just want to know why each of those thought are irrational


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## cookies (Jan 20, 2008)

Empty7 said:


> What do you mean ? is there something I've done that she told me I shouldn't ?


You have done nothing wrong.

She gave you some good advice. That's all I meant.


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

I've read something about CBT and I feel a little relaxed and I belive it would be really be usefull. But you know the internet is full of scrum, can you recommend me a good CBT article with techniques and certain informations ? Also how should I handle with these thought that are probably very ilogical or unrealistc except I'm not convinced by that (It kinda makes sense cause I these were real then everybody would have social anxiety).


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## cookies (Jan 20, 2008)

There are many different programs but I like -> Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step By Step

Here is a link

There is a lot of similar free self help stuff on the internet but you have to search for it.


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

That's very usefull, thank you. And what do you think about my "fears", in short term my fear would be that I don't know how to act appropriate in society anymore. I don't see it irrational but I guess it is, could you please tell me why if you know...


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

Empty7 said:


> That's very usefull, thank you. And what do you think about my "fears", in short term my fear would be that I don't know how to act appropriate in society anymore. *I don't see it irrational but I guess it is, could you please tell me why if you know...[/*QUOTE]
> 
> Things are so confusing for you right now. I agree that CBT is the best way to go. It helped me overcome my anxiety... and believe me, my thoughts were just like yours when my SA first onset.
> 
> ...


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

I have started doing that CBT and I really hope I'll overcome anxiety but there is still something I don't get it. Why didn't you answered my specific questions and why don't you wanna told me which thoughts are realistic and which aren't, I'm not asking you to answer I just want to know why you didn't do it, I feel like I see the problem from a wrong perspectiv and I don't get something very obvious. Also could you please send me a link to that article with "why do the feelings of SA exist" please, I know the internet is full of scrum and I don't wanna pick a wrong one.


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

Empty7 said:


> I have started doing that CBT and I really hope I'll overcome anxiety but there is still something I don't get it. Why didn't you answered my specific questions and why don't you wanna told me which thoughts are realistic and which aren't, I'm not asking you to answer I just want to know why you didn't do it, I feel like I see the problem from a wrong perspectiv and I don't get something very obvious. Also could you please send me a link to that article with "why do the feelings of SA exist" please, I know the internet is full of scrum and I don't wanna pick a wrong one.


Here's the thing. Right now you're like a semi-truck going downhill at a rate of speed that is unsafe... what needs to happen is; you need to put the breaks on. Just Stop. Stop in your tracks before you get so deep into the woods that it will take years of therapy to bring you back to reality. Know that you have an issue and start working on making yourself better.

You want me to answer specific questions that are irrelevant. "which thoughts are real?" Does it really matter right now? No. What matters is that you know something isnt right. So stop the habitual thoughts and start working on a forward healthy movement.

There are many useful resources on this forum in the self-hep section. I'm not sure if this one is posted:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment.htm

If you find that you need additional information, you can always plug keywords into your search engine followed by ".org" An example is "about social anxiety symptoms .org"


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## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

I thought things were starting to get better but right now *I'm not so sure about it*, I'm at the *3rd week* and it seems that things were better before I've started doing CBT. *I used to know for sure what exactly my problem is but right now I only know that something isn't right* (maybe is because there are so many problems, fears and irrational thoughts right now I can't even remember them all) , I don't know why but I used to have some good moments when I was feeling great and thinking fully rational like a 100% cured person but now those moments stopped. I have the strong feeling that litteraly eveything I do is wrong, it's not ok for some reason and every word I say is not good, *for example* I feel that everything I say here is wrong and weird and people will laugh at me saying "this guy is so weird even for someone with SA, how can he think this way, It's so simple to be yourself and he is so stupid, we have real problems this guy have a joke only that he is too dumb to see it" *and things are worst when I'm with people because not only that I don't have anything to say but even if I find something I don't say it because it might be wrong* _(not only that people will laugh at me for this, or think this guy is really stupid but for also myself cause I don't like doing wrong things which other people naturally don't)_. And *those question I've asked before, I still don't know the answer to them and it's hunting me*.

I feel even more confused than before and I started overthinking so much can't feel natural anymore, e*xample of overthinking:* I'm on the street a friend comes from the other side "should I say hi now or should I wait to aproach more, it's a big distance and is going to be weird also it's not something I would have done if I didn't had SA, but where should I look until we come closer if I look at him it's weird nobody does that, if I look down he will think I'm sad or something, if I look front doesn't seems ok either, ok now we are closer should I say hi or wait for him to say hi to me. *Another example is:* When I send a private message to somebody should I say hi first ? Do I look to rude or to impulsive if I don't ? "Hi" seems to short maybe I should say "hello" , but "hello" isn't something I would have naturally say cause I've never done that before, I think I'll just say "hi" and endure if the message is not good.

I want to stop overthinking but I don't know how exactly to do this, I would like somebody without problems like me that thinks rational to come and just tell me "this is the right thing to do, that's how you have to do in this situation", I want to do these things naturally without thinking about them cause only then I would make the right and normal thing but I don't know how to do that")

*I feel like a stone with no personality at all, I feel alienated*, I can't find myself (I know I used to have a personality and do the right things without having to think about them but I don't know how I've done that and I don't think I can do it again). I think I have lost the grip with reality because of my paranoia, negative thoughts and social anxiety. And if this isn't enought I'm a very unstable and unballanced person because my feeling always change because of the wave of thoughts (I say stop and find a distraction, but I have to do this every 10 minutes), I tend to change from happy, sad, furious, disperate, bored, nervous, calm for no apparent reason, and I don't know *why ?*, I don't know about instability but I guess my behavoir and personality problem has nothing to do with social anxiety, if I can't be like before maybe I should try to be like somebody else, like my father for example.

*I don't even know what social anxiety means and how the whole process works anymore*, it seems like I have forgot, I don't even know what's the main point in overcomming anxiety cause life seems so boring, everything is so complicated and I don't know why, how can things be so simple with other people, what do they think, how do they act ?. CBT rather helped me to accept my fears than to overcome them, and I have accepted them but I don't feel confortable with them, I've managed to slow talk with people when I've told them a story and they were really surprised but nothing really changed, I can also relax but noting really change, the problem gets worse every second (I don't even know what the problem is anymore but there is), * I heard some people anxiety is worse after CBT so should I keep doing them ? How can I get better if I don't know why is all of the things happening to me (the ones in bald text) happening ? Why do I have this and other people don't ? Why can't I always be in a certain way always, a static person ? Why cand I have a stabile personality like I used to have ? Why do I have these irrational thoughts ?*. Sometimes I even wonder, maybe I'm in hell and I just don't know it. *Why things can't be simple for me like it's for other people ? Seriously why, what's the difference ?*


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## Social Anxiety Institute (May 15, 2013)

Hello Empty7,

I am 23 years old right now, but I can very much relate to everything you just described in this thread. It was age 16 or 17 when I first started feeling "weird" or that my thoughts were out of control, I couldn't tame them, and they were extremely negative. I just felt like a freak of nature that couldn't ever fit in with anyone. In high school I wouldn't have any friends to sit with, so I would either just sit by myself somewhere, or attempt (using a lot of courage) to join a group of people. Most of the times they would let me sit with them, as they knew me at least somewhat, but I often would have nothing to say, so I came across as a "mute" kind of person, because of my anxiety.

Of course I didn't feel this way all the time, it was only around other people.

Also, I can relate to your "over-analyzing" everything and wondering "what is different about me?" etc... 

As for wanting an answer to the question, "What are rational thoughts and which are not?," the solution to this dilemma is a paradox.

You may believe or think strongly that by questioning, "what's a rational vs. irrational thought," or "what's wrong with me in comparison to others" will lead you to a solution of some kind, but the simple answer is that it will not.

When you have social anxiety disorder at the age you are at, you are probably just freaking out and looking for a quick way to fix your symptoms, so you don't have to deal with them all your life. I agree it is best to start doing therapy as soon as possible, but it has to be the right therapy, and therapy that doesn't lead you in the direction of just thinking more about "what is a rational thought vs. what is an irrational thought."

Asking that question will not help you overcome SA, and it will only make your anxiety much worse. Again, this is a huge paradox, and something that most people don't understand, but I can tell you from personal experience that it has been true for me and many other people I've known who have had social anxiety.

So what I mean by starting therapy is starting to do therapy which allows you to see that you have been having "automatically occurring" negative thoughts for many years already probably, and they are so ingrained into your thinking habits that you consider these thoughts to be "normal" thinking.

The correct therapy will allow you to move your attention and focus away from the negative automatic negative thoughts altogether, as all they are going to do is lead you down a vicious rabbit hole and harm you more and more the more you keep focusing on them or trying to "figure them out."

The process of doing this therapy takes time, but it may be "easier" than you think. You don't get over SA by "trying as hard as you can to figure it out."

That is not how anxiety disorders are overcome, from mine and everyone I know's personal experience.

As hard as it may seem, you need to put your attention on other things than your anxiety thoughts, in a non-pressuring way, and be nice to yourself throughout the process.

All I can really recommend is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, and developing Compassionate feelings towards yourself, if you want to overcome social anxiety. Please know that beating yourself up, or being hard on yourself, setting deadlines for when you should be better or something, will only increase anxiety and take it longer for you to overcome it.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors to overcome this anxiety disorder, and please know that it is possible, as long as you have the right information on how to overcome it, and go about therapy in the right way. 

Feel free to Private message me if you have any more questions.

-Justin


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