# Anyone else been told they're "too serious"



## Seven Island Suite

I get this a lot, especially from women. It pisses me off. I try to be fun around people. But it's really hard to relax and have fun when feeling anxious. I've been told it's okay to be serious, as long as you are "sarcastic serious". Whatever that means :roll I try really hard to seem unserious and sporadically make jokes around people. But it often feels forced...


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## Drew

I used to have that happen when I was around people I didn't know really well (for many years) and was comfortable. Now, I still can get serious in social "fun" type situations, but I've learned how to relax more and enjoy myself. I think what really helped me was CBT therapy, especially the group component. After slowing working my way up over many weeks I was doing really funny and embarrassing things in front of the other people in the group. Combined with the right medication for me I've been able to enjoy myself and be more "fun" around other people.

I always find it interesting that people assume I'm arrogant based on how I'm acting when it's actually that I'm just really anxious.


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## Meee

No one's said as such, yet, but i'm sure they think it. It's damn hard to be unserious (that's not a real word!) when you can't relax. Sometimes it's so long between periods when i actually feel comfortable enough to express myself and have fun that i start to become convinced that this is how i always am.


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## shyvr6

Does someone saying you have no personality count?


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## Ununderstood

Been told this so many times, it pisses me off too. People also think that I am always mad.


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## lastofthekews

I've had this all my life. People have always told me I should smile more, and to stop frowning, but i've always been like this so find it difficult to show when i'm happy. I tell people that how I look on the outside isn't always how i'm feeling on the inside, I just don't know how to show my emotions.


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## mountain5

It's pretty common, though I don't hear it from my adult colleagues much these days. They'll just imply it, like I'll be at a rehearsal and someone will throw in some comment like "gee, I hope you're having fun here" and force me to comment that I am, in fact, not feeling miserable.

When I was younger there were some times I was criticized for being too brash and cocky, but that horrified me so much I quickly dropped any hint of extroversion.


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## dreamer222

Oh yeah, definitely. The problem is that when I'm around people, I focus so hard on acting "normal" that I lose any personality I could have had. I mean, I find I actually do have personality; it's just hard to express it around people I don't know well. I've had people say other things as well, things like "Do you ever smile?" and "You're boring." It really sucks!


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## iwishiwasaway

Yeah I get this all the time..
People are judgmental. Calling someone boring is an insult, like calling someone fat.


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## LALoner

I've noticed that the people who give you advice like telling you to be less serious always end up being people who don't like you and wouldn't even like you if you made the changes they are asking for. And lots of times they are people no one can stand, the kind of people that others try to avoid. So screw them.


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## OhNoTaylor

Yes, I get that all the time. When I'm uncomfortable around people I am dead serious, I'm too scared that I'll say something stupid or offensive if I let myself joke around. It bothers me because I'm really not that serious, at least not all the time. Around people I'm comfortable with I can joke around and make everyone laugh and really just act like an idiot and not even care. Very few people get to see that side of me though, it's a shame because I wish I could show people that I'm totally different from what they think I am.


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## liketicktick

It's annoying because when they say I'm too serious, It makes me more anxious and my mind goes blank, I just shut down. Just hang in there.... I've also been told that's one of my best qualities by my current boyfriend.


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## 12uler

*Too serious*

I'm with you. I break down in nearly any social situation, even with family. The only time I am ever comfortable is when I know I can trust someone 100% emotionally. I've also been called insincere, synthetic, shallow, dull, psychotic, retarded, autistic, dumb, etc... Only because I was frozen. Unlike many of you, I often am angry at people because of their lack of compassion for people like us who are suffering through severe social anxiety. It's not so easy to "get over it". I also get to deal with a lot of passive aggression expressed towards me because people feel uncomfortable with my anxiety and begin to feel insecure themselves. The best way I've found to deal with it is to focus on what makes you happy with every ounce of energy you can muster, not force it on yourself, but honestly look inside to find exactly what elevates your mood and surround yourself with it. Also, meditating on the root causes of anxiety(be honest with yourself entirely) has helped me immensely. This will help stave off depression, and an elevated mood helps you remain smiling in those nervous situations.

Another tip: Reading those "10 ways to improve your life" bulletins are good natured but can be very misleading. what they really succeed in doing is telling your subconscious "10 ways to improve your life "because your life sucks". So, in my opinion, looking at a list for answers can be a real drag. Find out for yourself.


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## Demerzel

I can relate too. I've had people ask me what's wrong, etc. lol The ironic thing is that when I'm relaxed, I joke around a lot. (I'm rarely relaxed tho lol) Once when i was relaxed, I even had someone tell me they couldn't picture me being serious at all. lol


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## ItemEleven

mountain5 said:


> It's pretty common, though I don't hear it from my adult colleagues much these days. They'll just imply it, like I'll be at a rehearsal and someone will throw in some comment like "gee, I hope you're having fun here" and force me to comment that I am, in fact, not feeling miserable.


 I hope that's not why the girl who invited me to her party kept on asking me if I was having a good time. 
Makes sense though. If I looked like I was having fun she wouldn't have needed to ask :no.


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## RoninDistance

I found out not that long ago that most of my relatives hated my guts since, apparently, I was too serious. Now that I learned how to fake it, they seem to like me more. :roll


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## Banzai

Solo said:


> I can relate too. I've had people ask me what's wrong, etc. lol The ironic thing is that when I'm relaxed, I joke around a lot. (I'm rarely relaxed tho lol) Once when i was relaxed, I even had someone tell me they couldn't picture me being serious at all. lol


Lol same. I hate it most when people ask "what's wrong". I also have a rubbish sense of humour and I find it quite hard to "fake a laugh" at other people's humour.
Being serious is not necessarily a bad thing especially since I'm a student although, I'm guessing when I grow older, it probably will be.


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## Redefine

Yep, I get told this a lot. I can feel the tenseness in my face and it makes me self-conscious about it. I also get told I look bored a lot. I have such a hard time smiling when I'm anxious. It's like my face is frozen.

Also one time a girl was like 'is he crying?' which my friend responded no, then she was like 'what guys can cry too'. ???


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## Hippo

Yes I get it all the damn time.:mum


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## Conquistador

Yep "hey lighten up dude" yeah get that a lot.


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## cheerio

That's been said to me by a co-worker while I was BUSY working on something. Uh, yeah, since I'm WORKING I usually like to stay focused and not chit-chat, even if what I'm doing doesn't require my complete attention. But, I have to admit, I can be a little too serious sometimes. Gotta work on that.


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## gaz

I don't get told it but i often feel too serious and uptight. In the past i have acted like an idiot incase people find me too serious but i prefer to be serious than people see me as an idiot.


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## jim_morrison

yeah I get that alot, people saying things like "your too serious" or "smile" or "you look sad/mad" if I'm just casually starring off into space. I used to get it alot at my old job too, the whole "put in more personality" talk from my supervisors..


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## rjrox

Yeah, nice thread mate, I feel i am too serious around people. But i am bloody hilarious inside. I joke within myself a lot..a lot . if i tell thoose jokes outside, i am sure i am gonna be a LADIES MAN..  ..but cant stop ths problem. This serioousness made me a boring person to hangaround. and i am big guy, so no one will joke around with me fearing i may hit him if they jokes with me which is totally not the case ;-)


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## LALoner

LALoner said:


> I've noticed that the people who give you advice like telling you to be less serious always end up being people who don't like you and wouldn't even like you if you made the changes they are asking for. And lots of times they are people no one can stand, the kind of people that others try to avoid. So screw them.


I want to disagree with what I said before. When I wrote that I was really just thinking of this one person I had problems with. To be truthful, I am too serious and the people who tell me that are right.


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## kiirby

Some bloody clown keeps commenting on how serious I am. It gets really irritating after a while.


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## Pani

Seven Island Suite said:


> I get this a lot, especially from women. It pisses me off. I try to be fun around people. But it's really hard to relax and have fun when feeling anxious. I've been told it's okay to be serious, as long as you are "sarcastic serious". Whatever that means :roll I try really hard to seem unserious and sporadically make jokes around people. But it often feels forced...


_I get this all the time! I thought it was a "woman" thing.. but I am serious and it shouldnt be an issue if that is who you are and maybe the counterparts should be more serious and maybe they have issues... _


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## MelysCariad

Ugh.
ALL the time.


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## vi et animo

I hear this everyday. My friends don't deal with SA and live a completely different lifestyle than me. I miss partying everynight and not giving but then I had a breakdown. None of my friends understood.


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## ImHiding

Since I was a child....


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## rdrr

I don't know why people mistake being quiet or saying very little as being serious. Maybe acting like a loud obnoxious douche is a redeeming quality.


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## Freiheit

Yes. But that's only the vibe I give off because of anxiety... I freeze up and get tense which creates an atmosphere of seriousness. I'm not really serious at all when I'm being myself. I do weird funny stuff to make my sister laugh and play jokes on her...I watch a lot of comedy and laugh hysterically at my own jokes...inappropriate jokes...obviously I'm not going to do this around acquaintances/people I don't trust.


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## FallenofTrack

Yeah, I've been called too serious, and told that I need to smile more. By now, I've gotten used to it, and those comments don't mean as much as they used too. Now, Im more like "whatever" if someone makes a comment like that.


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## cgj93

yes i get that all the time, can never take jokes, can never tell jokes....unless drunk of course


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## Dire

Yes. Mainly because I try hard not to be loud or obnoxious, as that may be a bit of a turn-off. Dignity and composure is what I strive for, but people end up telling me I take things too seriously and need to loosen up. Screw them. :<


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## Tess4u

I don't get told this but I just get told that I'm quite, or to loosen up, cause apparently at times I seem uptight, and that it's really hard for someone to make me actually laugh?:/


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## Karsten

I've been told the exact opposite, actually. Being a goofball helps me from being awkward.


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## agemanda

Fifteen years later I still vividly remember my elementary school "friends" telling me I'm a robot with no emotions

My fiance tells me to smile if we're out somewhere, sometimes it's annoying but it's usually because he gets self conscious that if I'm looking miserable other people will think it's because he's being mean to me or something, sometimes I need that reminder to turn off the automatic scowl


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## Jessie203

I find seriousness attractive. When someone has a sarcastic sense of humour but only lets a little slide here and there I look up to people like that. I have no idea why. I met one guy one here and he is just like that and for some reason I am still thinking of him sometimes. I think it's just pure badassness is all. How someone in Inception or Batman would talk to you as he's shooting up people being a hero. I am totally ****ed. lmao


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## leonardess

pretty regularly.


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## ZRebellion

Like it's a crime to be serious.
And often people mistake serious with normal,they think because there's no smile on our face we're depressed or mad...ridiculous!


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## Ovimejang

Everyone around said I'm too serious , even my mom . I don't get it . I understand people's joke , but I don't seem to understand why I should laugh . It's hard to laugh or smile when I got many unhappiness in life .


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## nothing else

yes


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## SummerRae

All day 'errr day.


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## Donnie in the Dark

Life is serious.(IMO). There seems to be a common idea that we should all be enjoying everything all the time, or treat everything as meaningless fun, and laugh at everything. But to me it's mostly very serious. The world, its problems, my own feelings, other people's struggles..... it's all very serious.


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## SunshineSam218

Yes I've been told several times that I'm too serious but I believe the reason why I'm like that is due to certain things that happened to me during my childhood.


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## Pompeii

Yes. The sad aspect is that most of what I say is not serious at all, but my deadpan humour falls flat. Really, really flat.


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## Sad Larry

LALoner said:


> I've noticed that the people who give you advice like telling you to be less serious always end up being people who don't like you and wouldn't even like you if you made the changes they are asking for. And lots of times they are people no one can stand, the kind of people that others try to avoid. So screw them.


Word of advice right here :yes


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## Lacking Serotonin

I get it a lot. People think I'm mad when I'm not.


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## sad vlad

Yes, I have been told many times over that I am far too serious. To the point of people seeing me as unaproachable, distant and cold. But I do not have reasons to smile. I even think I would look awkward, ugly, stupid and fake by putting on some sort of smile just to please others.
I sometimes do have this wierd smile or laughter when in very anxious state. A defence mechanism without a doubt because I really do not feel like doing it. It usually happens in therapy when I get into a very uncomfortable state of mind.


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## wmu'14

I find that I get that most often when I'm bored. When I'm having a good time, with people I enjoy, doing something I enjoy, I don't get that at all.

For example, I get that when I go to parties. I think it's because I'm either just standing there or in a conversation with someone I don't care about and aren't having fun. 

People never tell me that when I'm having a good time.


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## arnie

I've been told I over-analyze everything.


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## Melissa42

lastofthekews said:


> I've had this all my life. People have always told me I should smile more, and to stop frowning, but i've always been like this so find it difficult to show when i'm happy. I tell people that how I look on the outside isn't always how i'm feeling on the inside, I just don't know how to show my emotions.


Wow, I couldn't have said it better. I often have that look on my face that I am "angry" but I really am not. I am just deep in thought, or just in the middle of something and I the person that just said hi, interrupted my thoughts. I am quite a loving person, but people don't know that from the look of me. It's frustrating. I wish I could make friends more easily, but it's difficult with how I come off to others.


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## MSidwell87

*Sorry for the delay. Better late than never right?*

I was always told this by both peers and adults as a kid. Even today, I am told this. I wasted a lot of years on introspection. _DO I need to lighten up? Is what everyone is telling me correct? AM I boring? _

I tried to keep these questions in mind when I would talk with people - especially strangers. I'm not an arrogant person, so I took what people were telling me as "constructive criticism," and I tried everything to work on these "faults."

I did EVERYTHING - from laughing at jokes I didn't find funny to being excited about circumstances I really didn't care about. I put down my books and turned off my television. I made many efforts to go to social gatherings whether with friends or alone.

In the end, it made me as enjoyable to be around as it was for me putting on these performances. I was being fake to relate. The people and places I learned to surround myself with never gave me the sense of belonging and peace of mind I was looking for. It didn't make sense, until I opened my eyes and looked at the situation and MYSELF objectively.

The truth is simple and inevitable. I am who I am. It's not something that can, nor should, be changed. I am a serious person and there's NOTHING wrong with that. Life is not a joke - not if you're living in reality. It's full of responsibilities and uncertainties. You cannot always "live it up." There are many times when you have to do what you hate and think ahead.

I realized that by forcing myself to be more expressive, I was putting on a mask that was bringing people I didn't relate to closer and people that REALLY understood me farther. I was doing fun things and surrounded by fun people, but I felt empty.

I became very aggravated being around people who could only read my mask instead of my nature, so I took off the mask. Everything reverted, and I'm even happier than before. The people that are in my life, although fewer, truly understand me and my feelings. They know that while I do not joke all the time, I am also sincere and compassionate. When I DO laugh and joke, it's because I'm ACTUALLY having fun and not trying to keep up the ambience.

They also appreciate my seriousness with their confidence. You don't go up to wild child friends with serious issues and questions. You go to the friends that see life as it is and have learned to stay on their feet taking it head on. The "serious" people. The kind of people who stop and think about all aspects of life instead of drowning out life's problems by "going with the flow." By NOT being afraid to show my serious side, I have deeper connections with people around me. In fact, I've learned many people use "humor" as a barrier, not an icebreaker.

Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is that you should embrace who you are. If people find you boring or serious, it's because they don't understand you. I'm not saying you shouldn't get out there and experience life to the fullest (get the hell of your couch!), but I am saying you should surround yourself with people who actually get you and WANT to get you (believe me - they're out there).

I've never met a person who doesn't know how to take a joke or have fun. EVERYONE has a sense of humor and fun. Some people express these qualities every chance they get while others only express them when they're warranted. Both types are needed in this world.

Sorry for the novel! :blah

~M


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## Unknown0001

shyvr6 said:


> Does someone saying you have no personality count?


 Someones said that to you? At least they said it directly to you and you didn't have to hear it from someone else.
Yes, I've been called too serious many times.


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## Unknown0001

MSidwell87 said:


> I was always told this by both peers and adults as a kid. Even today, I am told this. I wasted a lot of years on introspection. _DO I need to lighten up? Is what everyone is telling me correct? AM I boring? _
> 
> I tried to keep these questions in mind when I would talk with people - especially strangers. I'm not an arrogant person, so I took what people were telling me as "constructive criticism," and I tried everything to work on these "faults."
> 
> I did EVERYTHING - from laughing at jokes I didn't find funny to being excited about circumstances I really didn't care about. I put down my books and turned off my television. I made many efforts to go to social gatherings whether with friends or alone.
> 
> In the end, it made me as enjoyable to be around as it was for me putting on these performances. I was being fake to relate. The people and places I learned to surround myself with never gave me the sense of belonging and peace of mind I was looking for. It didn't make sense, until I opened my eyes and looked at the situation and MYSELF objectively.
> 
> The truth is simple and inevitable. I am who I am. It's not something that can, nor should, be changed. I am a serious person and there's NOTHING wrong with that. Life is not a joke - not if you're living in reality. It's full of responsibilities and uncertainties. You cannot always "live it up." There are many times when you have to do what you hate and think ahead.
> 
> I realized that by forcing myself to be more expressive, I was putting on a mask that was bringing people I didn't relate to closer and people that REALLY understood me farther. I was doing fun things and surrounded by fun people, but I felt empty.
> 
> I became very aggravated being around people who could only read my mask instead of my nature, so I took off the mask. Everything reverted, and I'm even happier than before. The people that are in my life, although fewer, truly understand me and my feelings. They know that while I do not joke all the time, I am also sincere and compassionate. When I DO laugh and joke, it's because I'm ACTUALLY having fun and not trying to keep up the ambience.
> 
> They also appreciate my seriousness with their confidence. You don't go up to wild child friends with serious issues and questions. You go to the friends that see life as it is and have learned to stay on their feet taking it head on. The "serious" people. The kind of people who stop and think about all aspects of life instead of drowning out life's problems by "going with the flow." By NOT being afraid to show my serious side, I have deeper connections with people around me. In fact, I've learned many people use "humor" as a barrier, not an icebreaker.
> 
> Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is that you should embrace who you are. If people find you boring or serious, it's because they don't understand you. I'm not saying you shouldn't get out there and experience life to the fullest (get the hell of your couch!), but I am saying you should surround yourself with people who actually get you and WANT to get you (believe me - they're out there).
> 
> I've never met a person who doesn't know how to take a joke or have fun. EVERYONE has a sense of humor and fun. Some people express these qualities every chance they get while others only express them when they're warranted. Both types are needed in this world.
> 
> Sorry for the novel! :blah
> 
> ~M


 All of this^


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## SvanThorXx

All the time.


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## ioancristian

Yes, many people told me i am way too serious. And it's all because of my anxiety that i don't do any moves or speak anything, which i guess gives me a kind of solemn attitude. And it's hard for me to joke, also because of anxiety(i don't like criticism...they might not laugh, might find it offending, etc).

I consider myself serious only when it comes to university/exams, but besides that, i feel quite childish...i just don't know how to be myself around other people.


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## HenDoggy

yes i get this alot. I wish i can be the person who jokes around and makes people laugh. that would be great.


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## spiritedaway

I get told this so many times, especially that I never show any emotion and that I need to "lighten up"


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## md0816

Yes, my parents tell me this frequently, and tell me that I need to smile more often, like I would when I was a kid... It occasionally does bother me because I would make myself less anxious and happier if I could.


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## thefourth

My daughter was in cheer and when she went to camp they taught all of them how to smile and keep it when it's pouring down rain and they are freezing or doing a stunt that's scary. I have thought about that and used that in my life, they all look so happy and approachable I know how they are really feeling but I've decided to adopt this behavior the best I can. I've only got one life to live and I want to make it the best.


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## derhhn

Hey. That happened to me too. 
I was having some good days wiht minimum social phobia. And when i am with my friends, we were six people i guess, and in a restaurant, i said everybodies orders and my socia, anxiety kicked in. I guess i was a little serious with the waitress but no big deal other than that. And one of the girls said i was too serious. But she is kinda weird person who always tries to find mistakes on others. That why is said one of the girls and not one of my friends. I think she is really awkward. :/


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## dontwaitupforme

I tend to guard my feelings pretty closely, though i felt it was a necessity due to a chaotic atmosphere.


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## Alduin

Yes but I don't remember who or when. 

Perhaps it was me who told me I am too serious. 

I remember asking my girlfriend once "What do people talk about when I'm not around? I feel as if they have deep and meaningful conversations that stop when I enter the room" 

She responded that no, they do not and that I was by far the most deep and meaningful person she'd ever come across. Everyone else just talked about retarded things and laughed about it"

Oh to be young again. I don't even think about this stuff anymore....as far as that's getting me. Still anxious....


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