# Are you singled out at work?



## EllyS (Sep 18, 2020)

I've noticed that in every professional environment I've been in, I illicit a certain level of anger in people. I've had supervisors at workplaces/internships give me reminders and get offended about not saying "good morning" when I come in. Or when they come in, they'll say good morning really loudly and sarcastically, because I didn't say it first......Like I'm always supposed to be the one to initiate greetings. No one makes an effort to speak to me, but they offended when I don't.

There could be other people in the room not speaking, haven't spoken and are also quiet, but you're labeled "the quiet one." My first week of training, I gave input here and there and asked questions related to our position. At the end, one of the supervisors called on me and said "We haven't heard from you, what do you think?" I didn't think he was talking to me, because there was this another girl that was sitting next to me that didn't say a single word the 2 hours we were there. So I looked at her, and the guy was like, "No you, (my shirt color)." Every day I better myself with social interactions and just when I think I'm doing enough, get that dreaded "you're so quiet!" which makes me feel like I've taken 3 steps back. I wonder if it's because I'm conventionally attractive, so I'm someone they want to like and expect to be extremely social? They treat other quiet people there like they're invisible, but are soooo demanding of me.


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## willbefatherof2 (Dec 29, 2020)

I am singled out in my group for not talking enough and speak too softly as it sounds like my speech is labored and I always sound like I am catching my breath when I speak.

Anyway, I have always compensated for this by working hard to try to improve my email reports and deeper analysis responses. Certainly they have to value our work apart from the talkative people that speak on cue and always seem to get raises and promotions and attention.

The one thing I hope improves after COVID is some of the neo-management that seems to like to move us from private cubicles into no-privacy sardine PODS where they can see you come and go constantly and with management gemba walkers that always seem to stop by to bring up random topics, then people have to break their attention to talk to the management/executive. I think that management "theory" needs to absolutely DIE with COVID.

Anyhow, we as quiet introverts need to compensate in general in other areas by producing well-thought out work.


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## melancholyscorpio (Aug 14, 2015)

People from my previous workplace will ironically tell me to quiet down and don't be so loud.

I joked along with them about it but it does get annoying.

I have been singled out more for being unattractive than being quiet.


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## CarpeLibrum (Jun 2, 2015)

EllyS said:


> I've had supervisors at workplaces/internships give me reminders and get offended about not saying "good morning" when I come in. Or when they come in, they'll say good morning really loudly and sarcastically, because I didn't say it first......Like I'm always supposed to be the one to initiate greetings. No one makes an effort to speak to me, but they offended when I don't.


They sound like a bunch of a**hats if they expect a greeting from you, but they never initiate greetings themselves. Nevertheless, it's a simple enough interaction. If that's all it takes to get them off your back in the mornings, maybe just give a quick "hello" and a smile or something when you walk by. You acknowledge them and act a little friendly. Hopefully they will stop being dicks about it.


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## CarpeLibrum (Jun 2, 2015)

willbefatherof2 said:


> Anyhow, we as quiet introverts need to compensate in general in other areas by producing well-thought out work.


This. I'm definitely the least friendliest and least talkative guy on my team. And while I'll make a little more effort than I did in the past to ensure that gap isn't as prominent, I always hustle the hardest and outperform members of my team. I make sure my work is consistently better than anyone else's.


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## Resergence (Mar 7, 2016)

Dont feel down about being singled out i embraced it myself you have less drama to deal with.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

Not in the bad way, no....


However at past jobs I have been singled out in the bad way but whatever. It's in the past now!


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## Hussle (Mar 5, 2014)

Theres this one older lady in my team who has office on the other side. I normally make it a POINT!! to chat with my team regardless how small the talk is but this lady is on the other side of our building away from the whole team so I kinda forget she is one of "us" lol so out of nowhere she just starts calling me quiet and I didnt know how to respond and it got to a point of annoyance everytime shed see me that I would purposely male sure shes not in the cafeteria if I needed something. So yeah, you will get called quiet regardless. I normally dont make it a point to duck anybody but for annoying females i will lmao

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## Hussle (Mar 5, 2014)

CarpeLibrum said:


> This. I'm definitely the least friendliest and least talkative guy on my team. And while I'll make a little more effort than I did in the past to ensure that gap isn't as prominent, I always hustle the hardest and outperform members of my team. I make sure my work is consistently better than anyone else's.


it makes no difference, i make sure to be talkative but results still the same, im gonna stop going to these after work bday parties smh

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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

I can do a bit of everything so maybe?


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

CarpeLibrum said:


> They sound like a bunch of a**hats if they expect a greeting from you, but they never initiate greetings themselves. Nevertheless, it's a simple enough interaction. If that's all it takes to get them off your back in the mornings, maybe just give a quick "hello" and a smile or something when you walk by. You acknowledge them and act a little friendly. Hopefully they will stop being dicks about it.


Why should we be forced to engage in a social act just because the other person is so insecure that they need to illicit greetings from virtual strangers every single day in the exact same repetitive fashion?


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## melancholyscorpio (Aug 14, 2015)

I'm singled out at every workplace!!

I would be disregarded, treated as incompetent, wouldn't receive help, would be blamed. 

I'm so ****.ing tired!!!!! 

And it's all because of the way I look!!!!!

I would not be treated like this if I looked like a normal female.

My boss never ask me about something normally! It will always be accusatory or make me seem incompetent.

He never listens when I try to explain something.


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## OCDguy1 (Jan 12, 2021)

melancholyscorpio said:


> I'm singled out at every workplace!!
> 
> I would be disregarded, treated as incompetent, wouldn't receive help, would be blamed.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear of everything you have and are enduring... may I ask with respect, why you think you don't look like some other people?


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## VirtousD (Apr 2, 2017)

Story of my life!! There could be a room of 50 quiet people in a class of 100 normies but i'd be handpicked and crowned the quiet one out of those 49 people. Been that way since i was a kid and still continues now as an adult still trying to work out why my quietness is always more noticeable.

To add to this even in virtual conversations online I'm singled out and picked as a target to mock. I'm a member of telegram educational platform full of strangers where everyone shares ideas and knowledge about investing this one guy quotes me out of nowhere, hand picks my comment to reply to and sarcastically calls me Einstein as if my message in the chat was any different to others sharing information in the chat it's so weird how selective people are about anything I do or say.


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## melancholyscorpio (Aug 14, 2015)

At my current job the 2IC will sometimes glare at me when I come into work. And several drivers run away when I walk towards their way.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

No for the most part. I am usually one of the ones that blends in in the background, on the outside of the perimeter of coworkers surrounding the few of the bold attention getting ones. The ones that are the live of the office and office parties. 

Although it's getting very obvious that the HR manager (2nd from the top in HR) for some reason singles me out to dislike me. Nearly every inquiry at work, she only leaves me out for the mailing list. Time and time again. No matter how often I have pointed it out to her, or others have. She says hi to everyone she sees, but cold shoulders me only. I am still baffled at why. I've always suspected she just sees me as socially unlikable in her own personal socializing taste. I have always been pleasant to her. But I couldn't help but feel the sense that a lot of our interactions are awkward. She always gives me a forced tone and looks uncomfortable when she is interacting with me, unlike how she is with everyone else where she seems happy and natural when interacting. Eventually I just kind of gave up and accepted it as what it is. I have also skipped out on seeking for work related expense and reimbursements since I have to go through her and I am uncomfortable of having to talk to her. A lot of the times in the past, she always ignores my requests of so until multiple attempts when she will finally acknowledges me in a passive aggressive tone. But everyone else loves her because she's so pleasant with them all.


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## melancholyscorpio (Aug 14, 2015)

Yeah. I am the only female. My boss will whine at me over minor inconveniences/issues.

I was barely trained to use the system. It's not hard to use it but I was only provided a bit of training.

He would immediately blame me over any issue. He glares at me and look at me like I am stupid. He have breathed down my neck. Leaned close to me in an intimidating way.

Before I was in lockdown I spoke to him about how he treats me and he worked on his behaviour. Now he is back to treating me poorly.

It is a small business of less than 10 people. There is no HR. And if I have another talk with him, he is going to resent me and probably treat me worse. 

The only way to solve this issue is to leave. But I don't have a lot of skills or qualifications so it will be hard for me find another job and it is harder to find a job due to covid.

Financially I can take a bit of time off not working. But I actually want to go to work for the routine. I know if I stay at home I won't do anything productive. I would be watching shows/movies.

I would feel depressed especially since my dad is home.

I am left alone most of the day. My boss would just come to my desk to give me work.

I just can't stand his whining! I hate his frowning! 

When he comes into work he will sigh when he greets me! I rather him not say morning and just walk in.


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