# My friend triggers my anxiety



## Julie90 (Mar 18, 2014)

So this is one of the biggest worries in my life really, even though it may seem a bit harmless.

Basically we are this group of friends (there are 8 of us) who grew up together. At the present moment we live in two cities - our hometown were I live and the capitol of my country were 3 of them lives. 

My problem is all about this one friend of our group. I guess she could be described as an alpha, as she kind of takes up a lot of space and attention at every social event - which is fine if it wasn't because of her selfish intentions and how it affects me. She is the kind of person who really wants people around her to act as her echo chamber - if you get what i mean? and for some reason she is very successful of that. I could write a long description of this person, but I think you all are familiar with the extreme alpha types. I know a few, and have no issues with them in general, but this is something else. 

The real issue is really how her presence is affecting me. Because the best thing I know is being around these people, they make me feel very comfortable and my social anxiety always on all-time low when I'm around this group - that is if this one person isn't participating though. As soon as she's around it has the opposite effect. I get nervous and anxiuos due to the fact that I no longer feel as if I'm liberated - I need to overthink my jokes and so on, as this person function as a judge - defining what is funny and what is not. All attention is drawn to her, and you kind of need to please her (this is very exaggerated, but it's the best way I can explain it really). Also I take my self constantly being that echo-chamber, and actually pleasing her and thereby feeding my anxiety at the same time - it's so ridiculous. 

Luckily we don't see each others that much as she lives in another city, but as soon as I hear about her arrival, I will start feeling sick. 

I've talked to another of my friends about this problem, and she understands me but isn't affected in the same way of course. 

The real issue is that I'm about to move to the capitol as well, and are surely going to see much more of this persons, and it makes me so depressed.

Also I would like to note that this isn't really a matter of jealousy. It's not because she's doing better in life than I am at all - it's just about how her presence is affecting me. 

As ridiculous as it may sound, this is one of the biggest issues in my life currently as I mentioned. I'm really interested in hearing from people who maybe can relate to this issue, where a person that you really can't avoid have such a big negative affection on your life. And of course, if anyone has some advice, I'm very interested in hearing from you


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