# What's kept you from seeking professional help?



## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

On and off for years, I've considered going to therapy. I know I have SA, but I also have issues with dealing with emotions, cultivating any semblance of self-esteem, and finding real enjoyment out of anything outside of my family members' happiness. But therapy is also expensive, and I've heard that treatment for a mental health issue might count as preexisting conditions that might hinder employment -- I'm not positive about that last part, but it certainly is a concern. 

Basically, I know seeking professional help isn't just a willy-nilly decision to make, and that's part of why I'm so hesitant to do it. Some days, I feel fine -- but a lot of my days, I stay at home all day, or if I go out, it's with family, so I'm not exposed to situations that'd cause me stress. Other days, when I am in social situations, ones that put me in with a bunch of people, or if I'm just in a mood that affords me the time to despair about all my issues, it hits really badly and hurts and I'm out of it for at least an hour before I force myself to clean up and go about business as usual. I figure, if I don't feel anxious every day of my life, maybe I don't really need help and it would be a waste of time and finances for me and be pointless to my hypothetical therapist.

Then there's the feeling that I'm just not worth being helped. Even though I may feel like my feelings are the end of my world, I know there are people who have had much worse lots in their lives. Knowing that makes me feel like I'm being petty and indulgent for feeling so miserable, and I'd feel the same way if I tried to get help. There are people who have suffered more and worse things than I'm going through. I should just be able to suck it up and go on with my life, right?

So I guess I was wondering if any of you have wanted to get help but didn't for whatever reason -- and on top of that, if any of you overcame that and how?


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## Insignificant Other (Apr 1, 2015)

I never had any problem seeing therapists. The problem is finding any benefit in therapy.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I didn't because I didn't want my parents to know I was a loser with a mental disorder. I was also skeptical about therapy but I always wanted to try medication. I waited till I was 19 and in college. I used my college's mental health services (did therapy and meds), so my parents' wouldn't know. It didn't help at all.


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## Cate P (Jul 19, 2015)

I'm petrified to make the call and go to the appointment. I spend weeks, months, (years?) rehearsing what I would say. I spend so much time thinking about describing my need / issue to the receptionist that it consumes my waking hours. If I ever make an appointment, the entire time waiting for the date/ time to arrive, I am wrenched by fear of... fear of.. Well, illogical stupid unreasonable fear that makes me feel like an idiot for being this way. It's just too much stress to make an appointment and actually wait to go.


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

@Insignificant Other: I hadn't thought of that, but that's as valid an issue. Even if you see someone, that's a whole other can of worms. You might not click with them. They might overcharge. They might not actually help, or their counselling style might not be suited for you and your specific needs. I guess I have the naive mentality that therapy will magically fix me, but I've read plenty posts here that've said otherwise.

@Imbored21: I wish I would've done that in my college years, but I think I was afraid of my parents finding out I was shelling out a certain amount of money for meds. I still had to pay a portion of the prescription costs, and I didn't work so I didn't have my own income. I did talk to a counselor there I think every two weeks. She was nice and it was good to have someone to talk to, but in the long run I don't think it helped. I don't recall if she tried to address what caused my anxiety too much, as opposed to what I might've done in spite of it. Like I remember telling her about going to interest clubs and going on a trip with one of them, which she saw as successful steps. In a sense, they were because I was with a social group, but the reality was I wasn't particularly close to anyone in it -- just enough to manage casual acquaintanceship.

@Cate P: I'm sort of in that stage myself. I called my insurance and the counselors they referred me to, but I've only left them voice messages. They've called me back, but now I'm too anxious about calling them back, a lot because of the issues I explained in my post in the first place. Even just the logistics of getting help is stressful.


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## BlueDay (May 6, 2014)

I saw a psychologist when I was 16. He pretty much just listened and I hated talking, so I didn't care for it. I saw a school psychologist a year later and he talked more and shared some basic techniques, so slightly more helpful...but not much.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

I don't think talking has any therapeutic value for me. I know why my life is screwed, i just don't know how to fix it. At the end of the day, they are just normal people who studied in a particular field, doesn't mean they can understand me or offer any valuable solutions. Pretty sure they would just offer some platitudes i'm already aware of. I'm an outsider freak and it's too late for me.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't feel like its worth the money.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I have considered it for my depression, GAD and my perfectionism, but I don't want it on any official record and I think that might make it harder to get a job. Plus I don't have that kind of money.


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## samiisprink (Jul 27, 2015)

Nobody will take me seriously and i have goals for myself in the future and if it was know that i sought professional help for things such as depression and SA then the chances of my goals being accomplished would be destroyed no exceptions. It does suck having to put my future before my mental health but i just hope eventually it will be worth it.


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

It seems like expense and concerns about therapy's effect on one's future prospects are common themes. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one being stingy or whatever in my hesitation to get help, but at the same time, I wish trying to help ourselves didn't come at such a cost financially and personally. It's just going to force that many more of us to suffer silently on our own.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Knowing there are certain issues for which I'd be judged, kept me from seeking therapy for a long time. I knew there were certain treatment approaches which I could work with, and others I couldn't. So I shopped around for a good one. I'm glad I did  

But yeah, even with insurance, copays suck. At $20 a pop, it's not a huge deal, but that's $80/mo. if you see the person weekly, and I think at least biweekly visits are necessary to gain a good rapport.


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## thebigofan (Dec 27, 2014)

I'm too scared to ask my doctor.


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## Harmeulius (Jun 24, 2013)

The costs, I'm still a student so I don't have much money. And my parents won't acknowledge the fact that something is wrong with me so they won't pay for me.
But even if I'd have the money I still would be afraid to ask my doctor a referral, and it would be difficult for me to trust the therapist enough to talk about my feelings.


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

It was mostly issues with insurance, I only just got a therapist a few weeks ago after not having one for a long time.


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

I've talked to my mom about this but she doesn't believe I have a disorder... she only pushes me to 'get over' my issues on my own, because the real world won't wait for me to 'grow the heck up' as she puts it. She thinks I can simply press a button and all my psychological problems will disappear. She makes it seem as if I LIKE being a shut-in or a depressed mess with extreme social phobia. She straight-up told me it would be a waste to go see a therapist. How is that helping anything??
Sigh, I would never do that to my own kid ever....


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## alienjunkie (Jul 11, 2015)

I wanted to seek professional help for my depression but my parents mostly think I'm making everything up sometimes it's like they don't even believe in such thing as mental illnesses I'd probably have to die in order for them to even consider that I was dealing with it yeh they can basically suck 8 d***s


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## megrfern (Aug 4, 2015)

I was sooo terrified to tell my parents anything at all for years and I would wait until they were out of the house to freak out but I finally pulled my mom aside and was like there's something wrong with me and I need to see someone and it was the most surreal thing ever and then help got further delayed by like 3 months because she thought we couldn't afford it. I went to 2 sessions and ended up going to a psych instead cuz my therapist basically said drugs was the thing I really needed


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## abhivanth (May 24, 2011)

I just have no money, lol. My insurance does not cover that - it's pretty crappy.


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## WonderVixen (Aug 2, 2015)

Since I'm not allowed to get a part-time job until I'm 18, it comes down to the fact I have no money and a single therapy session costs a lot where I live. Also I can't tell my parents because we're not very rich and they will either: A)- Freak out OR B)- tell me to get over it and it's just a phase. 

Yay.


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## virgoshoyru (Jul 20, 2015)

Meds: 
- I need to register with a new doctor closer to home
- which means anxiety from leaving the house/speaking to people/organising something 
- the best rated close to me is my old doctor, i was having a migraine and an anxiety attack when talking to him and on the verge of a panic attack, he told me he would send me to counselling. no meds. nothing. i don't want to return to someone who won't give me meds, I NEED them and I have absolutely no one to go to
- also he scares me a lot

CBT: 
- seen a variety of counsellors provided without charge by education; they help but 
- I already know I think irrationally! I know no one cares about what i say or do! and if they do... forget em, it's not my business what they think and it's flattering that they're thinking about me. who cares about other people 
- Because im talking one-on-one with a stranger pretty much, the entire hour my body goes into an anxiety melt down, I get EXTREMELY hot, feel trapped, get dizzy, find it very hard to speak. 
- I leave the room feeling absolutely drained for the rest of the day and have made no progress.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

A whole bunch of things. Fear/social anxiety, procrastination, my comfort zone of not pushing yourself and facing fears, even some pride. For a long time I didn't give a **** about myself to even want help which was a big reason. A mixture of those things went on for almost 10 years. Eventually I reached a point where my own mind/situation was too unbearable to continue that way, and wanted to get out, whether it was the bad way, or good way. That part isn't really a story I'm interested in going into detail with though.


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

I cannot, for the life of me, even make the call to a doctor to even think about seeing a therapist. I have no idea what I fear so much about it. I just can not make phone calls like the average person can.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Therapy isn't really an issue cost wise, due to insurance, but I seriously doubt the efficacy of therapy. I've been through a number of different counselors and honestly they've never helped. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist and soon starting medication (Zoloft specifically) for social anxiety, so I'm hoping that will help, because if it doesn't, I'm effectively screwed.


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## CherBear (Aug 6, 2015)

I've had some really bad experiences with counselors so that doesn't really encourage me to see a therapist especially since money is tight + lack of time + all the people saying it hasn't really worked. Maybe in the near future I'll get the courage to do it, but until then, I'm trying to imrpove myself.


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## Perspicacious (Jun 28, 2015)

MaePa said:


> I know there are people who have had much worse lots in their lives. Knowing that makes me feel like I'm being petty and indulgent for feeling so miserable, and I'd feel the same way if I tried to get help. There are people who have suffered more and worse things than I'm going through. I should just be able to suck it up and go on with my life, right?


When I started putting it like this, I cared much less about my anxiety. I still have it bad these days but not as bad as before knowing that I'm not alone in this world with this condition, and certainly not the one with the worst case!

I don't seek professional help because my parents think I'm *****ing around and tell me to get over myself and that's what I'm actually trying to do. I find it 'therapeutic' when I start thinking positively while challenging myself. It's all about convincing oneself that they can change.


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## quesara (Jul 25, 2015)

I saw a CBT therapist once a week for a couple of months last summer. I had high hopes but just couldn't get into it. I'd be an anxious wreck every session, sweating, shaking, constantly thinking about what a pathetic person I was for having to sit there and whine about my problems. She expected me to lead the conversation and just instantly open up to her, and I definitely don't work like that. I almost need people to pull things out of me, ask me questions that get me talking, etc. I ended up running out of things to talk about, even though I had so much I wanted to discuss. And when I did bring something up, I feel like she just kept recommending books for me to read. To top it off, her office was downtown, so I'd have to deal with the anxiety that comes from walking alone down blocks of crowded sidewalks past people begging for money and petitioners asking for my signature. On my last appointment, some woman walked by me and pretended to slap my face and then cackled and kept walking. It was just way too much for me to handle. So I gave up.


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## Ender (Aug 5, 2012)

alienjunkie said:


> they can basically suck 8 d***s


That's a very specific amount.

Me I see my regular doctor for meds Paxil 40mg a day for 17-18 years literally saved my life. My OCD was so bad when I started, I thought all my food was contaminated lost 80lbs in 6 months it helps with the anxiety some.

Talk therapists very hard to start I've been to four, all I did was tell them my problems while they listened felt a little better but didn't seem to really help solve my problem. I would like to find someone who talks instead of just listening, but it is hard to reach out to someone new and I live out in the country and would have to drive 25-35 miles to see someone.


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

My conviction that there is actually nothing wrong with me and i react to my situation like any other healthy person would.
I do now have an appointment with a doctor because of depression. I just don't think it will change anything.


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## Monkeygirl (Aug 7, 2015)

It was really making that phone call. I hate phone calls so much that i have a habit of delaying or avoiding important phone calls. 

I was looking for a therapist and I found one I could email. She knows my problems with phone calls so she made the call for me to see a Psychiatrist for meds.


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## ApathyDivine (Feb 28, 2012)

No money, I'm hardly scraping by as it. Not only that but I have trouble confronting my own issues, I run away from them all..


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

People that i've went to don't know what the hell they are doing and i'm out of options


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

1. I don't trust psychologists and I deeply distrust psychiatrists.

2. They'd almost certainly try to put me on some meds, I'd refuse and that'd be that.

3. At best, they'd try some mindfulness techniques or whatever else, which is well-meaning, but I'm very protective of my thought patterns.

4. I don't have the money.

5. At the end of the day, I guess you could say I don't want to ''get better''. I don't see SA as a disease but as part of my personality. It's not my fault, it's not anyone else's either, but it does make me largely incompatible with society's expectations.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

My fear of being unable to verbalize my problems well enough that I feel gives another person a clear view of everything

Vulnerability

The reality that I'll have to face my fears since just talking about it won't change much

Not feeling like my problems warrant it. I do at times and I know sa dictates my life way too much..but yea...


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## ShinigamiKai (Aug 6, 2015)

I've considered it but I'm terrified I'll get a bad therapist who'll make it worse. That's already happened once. For most of my life, I've lived behind this super tough emotional wall that kept me safe until I had a breakdown. So, I tried therapy after I imploded. I left my conversations feeling like I was suddenly supposed to talk to people about my feelings/issues. Problem is, I was surrounded by people who didn't care and/or had me way down on their priority list. So basically, I tried to lean on people emotionally for the first time in my life and it was ridiculously traumatic. I got completely ignored and/or talked over. Once person literally told me I 'couldn't rely on people for everything'. It took years to get over it and wall myself off again. No part of me wants to relive that for any reason -_-


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Same with me.
Been to many but it never helped at all.


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## Mortal Recoil (May 14, 2015)

I think you perfectly described my answer to this question, MaePa.

I actually saw a counsellor a bit over a month ago, after a very long time questioning whether or not I would be worth anyone's time (and of course, vice versa). I walked in, sat down, we talked, and I cried, a lot. I was really ready to pour out my heart to her and not hold back. But even though she was guiding the conversation and asking me specific questions, there were constant lulls throughout the session, and I didn't know what else to say. After I left, I felt frustrated rather than cathartic, because when I walked in I had felt so sure that I needed help and was willing to get it, but after, I felt like I'd wasted both our times with petty nonsense.

I'm reluctant to go back for another session, especially since a while has passed since then. I know that I'm not being a special snowflake and that my social anxiety is a very real and present hindrance in my life. But when it comes to telling others about it, I start to doubt that there is any real problem to be discussed.


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

Mortal Recoil said:


> I know that I'm not being a special snowflake and that my social anxiety is a very real and present hindrance in my life. But when it comes to telling others about it, I start to doubt that there is any real problem to be discussed.


This, so much. When people have to worry about things like not knowing if they'll make rent next month or how much time left their sick loved one has in this world, it's hard to justify, "Boo-hoo, I can't talk to people and make friends," as a real, legitimate problem. It just makes me feel selfish to even consider therapy for this in light of the seemingly more serious things others go through.


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## meghankira (Jul 30, 2015)

I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong with me. I used to be the opposite of the person i am now and i didn't want to admit to myself or anyone that i needed help. started feeling i needed help last spring, by that fall i was taking ap psych and learned about mental illnesses and diagnosed myself, and this past spring i reached rock bottom with SA, told my parents and started seeing a psychiatrist and got professionally diagnosed.


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## EchoIX (Jul 5, 2015)

I was made to see a shrink by my school for certain comments twice. Once in 5th grade, once in...I wanna say 7th. Then I went to a therapist of my own decision sometime in HS. My dad took me to therapy. Eventually I started going in college, and then during my long term relationship where it was crisis after crisis.

I will say this, I wouldn't be half as insightful, self-aware or well-adjusted as I am now if it weren't for therapy. I'm not perfect, and I still have my problems interacting with people, but on the whole I think mentally I'm solid.


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## fleur (Nov 25, 2011)

A few years ago I would've answered: *Fear.*

Now I'm starting to suspect that it's actually *self punishment. *


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

fleur said:


> A few years ago I would've answered: *Fear.*
> 
> Now I'm starting to suspect that it's actually *self punishment. *


I think your second point ties in with some of us saying we don't feel we're worth the help or feel selfish for considering it. I don't like to admit it, but I think I do have a martyr complex. I'd rather put everyone else's needs before mine because I feel like they're more worthy, and by putting aside my own wants I'm being a good person.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I don't trust people, because I believe that they only help me in order to get something from me, while this might not always be true, with the therapist i have seen for SA it has always been true.

*Therapist 1 *- Put me on meds, then when my insurance lapsed for a week she would not see me. I understand why she would not officially see me, but I was out of my medication and she didn't even tell me how deal with that. Have you ever gone cold turkey on pills, it's not fun, it almost killed me.

Then when my insurance was back a week later she calls me telling me i should schedule an appointment... yeah **** you! She showed me she literally did not care if I lived or died only that she was getting paid.

*Therapist 2* - Was just a drug dealer. We never had a session longer than 10 minutes (though I usually had to wait an hour to see him, he was ALWAYS late or backed up). I would go in, he would ask how I was doing, and regardless of the answer he would write a prescription and send me on my way, no follow up, no advice, no conversation on the cause of my SA. Besides the white coat and the nice office I don't see any difference between him and the guy on the street selling crack (I guess the guy on the street doesn't make you wait as long).

Sorry for those of you have wonderful therapist who help you through your SA, god bless. I am not saying ALL therapist are like the ones I have seen.

For those of you who are seeking therapist to help you with your SA, my advice is be willing to walk away from bad ones. I get it is a business so of course they are in it for the money, but you should get something for your money.

If you go to a doctor because of a broken leg, you would not pay month after month if your leg never gets better. Therapist often expect that.

Ask your therapist, what experience do you have with treating SA? What has been the most successful from of treatment? How long does the process usually take? If they can't answer these type of questions leave! If they only give you vague answers leave!


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

It costs to much money and it will not help.

The problem with me is that i have 100s of flaws.

All of my flaws needs to go away in a magical way.


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## digmeup (Jul 8, 2015)

Cate P said:


> I'm petrified to make the call and go to the appointment. I spend weeks, months, (years?) rehearsing what I would say. I spend so much time thinking about describing my need / issue to the receptionist that it consumes my waking hours. If I ever make an appointment, the entire time waiting for the date/ time to arrive, I am wrenched by fear of... fear of.. Well, illogical stupid unreasonable fear that makes me feel like an idiot for being this way. It's just too much stress to make an appointment and actually wait to go.


Strange. I do the same thing. I know that what I have is not normal, but I end up rehearsing what I would say if I had a therapist over and over in my head.

I really hate living this way. Therapy costs a ton of money and I feel like I'd just end up complaining the whole time. 
A lot of fears are stopping me from getting therapy. I really want to fix whatever this is, but I cannot possible talk to some stranger for an hour straight about the feelings I've never written down/told anyone before.


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## Fortunis (Jul 26, 2015)

I guess multiple reasons. I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I'm going to be boxed in pretty soon, but I am too scared to go somewhere and talk about myself to somebody I don't know one on one. Part of the problem is fear, yes.. but denial also plays a part. I feel fine most of the time. Sure I am getting bouts of stupidly overreacting anger more frequently and am using the bathroom as a means to escape having to talk to customers at work, but hey, nothing's wrong with me at home (as long as you don't count the endless searches for co-morbid conditions and random breakdowns where I have to convince my boyfriend I'm not upset with him).
And then there's the ol' "it probably won't help anyways because they'll want me to talk and what can I talk about when I've basically repressed everything I've felt since high school and have nothing to speak of for goals that are actually reasonable "(keeping in mind _in my mind_ it's a miracle I can tie my shoes without accidentally cutting my feet off). Plus it doesn't help that I hate asking for help in anything at all, because if I can't do it myself then what's the point.


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## CreamCheese (Jul 21, 2010)

The first time I sought therapy was in college due to the ease and convenience of seeing a therapist without having my family knowing. I don't have a huge problem if they know, but my parents come from a different cultural background where the idea of depression/anxiety to them is something you can probably control yourself and the idea of seeing a therapist is worrying that I'm having thoughts of self-harm (I never have but that's the thing-they don't realize therapy is just finding better strategies to control anxiety/depression or to just talk to somebody when nobody else can really listen). 

I've had mixed results with therapy-I went to a decent sized school but one that wasn't diverse and I think that certainly made a huge difference as to the kind of therapy I received. A lot of my anxiety was due to being one of the few minorities, school related stuff, but I wasn't able to articulate all my feelings to my therapists and many did not really work with my specific problems but instead gave me mindfulness exercises or suggestions that while were okay, were not ultimately helpful.

It was nice to brief and talk to somebody every week though.

I've graduated now, so the issue is going to therapy and having my parents know. Plus, finding a culturally sensitive therapist in my area is hard. I am trying to see if I can do video conferencing with a therapist who knows my cultural background, etc.


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## sprinkles (May 30, 2014)

It costs alot of money. I have seen some free counseling offers but couldn't even imagine being able to make a call and talk about my problems with someone.


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

@CreamCheese: As a minority as well, cultural sensitivity and understanding really are big steppingstones in the way of mental health issues in general. I've read articles here and there about minority mental health topics, and they often deal with the myth that minorities don't suffer from those types of issues. It's difficult to deal with your mental illness when both popular and your own culture either discount or misunderstand that you're suffering from one at all.

My family visited a professional once after a major life event. He was Asian -- as we are -- and even said he understood how difficult it was for us to deal with our feelings because Asian cultures doesn't put much emphasis on emotional and mental well-being. In another instance, my dad and I were watching a run-of-the-mill crime drama where the criminal was bipolar, and my dad said back where he was from, the courts wouldn't care if a criminal had a mental issue -- nor would they even look into it because there are so few mental health professionals. It was an off-handed observation my dad made, but it's stuck with me to this day. It makes me wonder, if the culture of my people put so little stock on mental health, is it very first-world of me to suffer from and seek help for any mental health concerns I may have? I'm guessing that's the sort of cultural sensitivity you'd be looking for in a therapist but have struggled with finding in the past?


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