# Sorry to be annoying but...



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Is there actually any guys here that would think using porn in a relationship is unfair to their girlfriend?


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Let it go, guys have to masturbate, and porn makes it efficient.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Yes, but I still have difficulty, but they are in a relationship why don't they feel bad looking at someone else. Who knows, I might get a man who wants pics of me to use.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

_*Skip to 2:10*_


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

hmm this was at the start of the relationship i would expect him to think of me when he is doing that.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

If he has to use porn then 1) he's just being a typical man and you should get over it, or 2) you aren't giving him the satisfaction he needs/wants. Could be both too.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

that relationship ended july 15 of this year. I wasn't made to feel special enough.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> that relationship ended july 15 of this year. I wasn't made to feel special enough.


Please, watch the video.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

i did but there are some people who do think of their girlfriends, i've read about it. These forums are great, I've met alot of people who are just like me.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

i might be able to stretch to them thinking of me and porn but my ex picked that over me all the time i think. If they had alot of passion and gave me lots of compliments it might be different. The ex barely complimented me on my appearance.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

My feeling is that the guy should pick his girlfriend over porn all the time. I've never had a girlfriend but I do know that I would think of her and not porn.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> hmm this was at the start of the relationship i would expect him to think of me when he is doing that.


He may have been a porn addict i.e. NOT NORMAL. 
I find it very unfair to watch porn while in a committed relationship.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Theologic said:


> He may have been a porn addict i.e. NOT NORMAL.
> I find it very unfair to watch porn while in a committed relationship.


How do you masturbate in a committed relationship then?

To your own thoughts? Are you going to tell me that you only think of your girlfriend while masturbating? Come on...


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

he kept saying he treated me with respect, and that it matters more how he treats me when we're together, he also said one day what's it got to do with you what I do when you're not here anyway. He is full of ****. 

Anyway i didn't like the porn he was using, too bad he didn't like lesbians at least then he could blame it on the actions. He was looking at pictures of women posing on their own and straight sex videos, the porn I don't agree with. Bj videos i could probably let go.

I do actually know some men who don't masturbate when they are in relationships.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

Sounds like your relationship was good if porn was your only complaint about it.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

we didn't argue about anything else actually, probably what made it look worse. There was only one other thing he did, he made up excuses for things that were obviously not true at the time. if it hadn't of been for his porn watching I wouldn't of noticed other problems in the bedroom. I got my revenge he got dumped after 6 months of me moaning and now he knows I despise him, life goes on. I can't even begin to understand the arguments we had, he could of easily just had a picture of me if he was that desperate for visuals when I'm not there. Apparently this behaviour isn't my fault. 

Before anyone says "get over it, it was the beginning," this was different we had a massive connection and understood each other, so it wasn't like he was just some bloke I exchanged numbers with off the street and only went on a few dates with. It was horrible for me to find he wasn't that sexually into me after that beautiful connection.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

D did I misunderstand one of your posts or did you said he only watched porn when you weren't there?

Next relationship you're in, don't be upset when you find out he watches porn. Instead ask him if you can watch it together.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

of course he only watched when i wasn't there, but he shouldn't of looked at other women without being explicitly told he could do so, he possibly made some wrong assumptions. can I please clarify something, the idea of my boyfriend masturbating in general was not the problem it was because it was to images/videos of people that aren't me.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

I suggest you seek help from a mental health professional. 

If your self-esteem is so fragile that it requires your bf to have robotic thoughts of a woman that is only about you 100% of the time, there is a problem.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> of course he only watched when i wasn't there, but he shouldn't of looked at other women without being explicitly told he could do so, he possibly made some wrong assumptions. can I please clarify something, the idea of my boyfriend masturbating in general was not the problem it was because it was to images/videos of people that aren't me.


The only time porn should be a problem is if it interferes with your sex life, IMO. There are guys who masturbate to porn so much that they aren't able to get or maintain an erection when they are with their partner. There is nothing Wong with a person, male or female, to be sexually simulated by porn. Use it to enhance your relationship not to end it.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Nubly is back.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

VanDamMan said:


> I suggest you seek help from a mental health professional.
> 
> If your self-esteem is so fragile that it requires your bf to have robotic thoughts of a woman that is only about you 100% of the time, there is a problem.


tried it didn't work, actually I haven't told you people the full story.

I'm 25 and when I met my boyfriend he was a virgin, he's 36. Well, he has been masturbating to visuals for nearly 20 years. I entered into a relationship with him not really thinking about porn, didn't really know he was looking at it at the time. He didn't have many sexual fantasies, he doesn't fantasise now he just thinks of what we've done. He's not very sexual his friends joke he's an asexual. I fulfilled the fantasies he did have, nothing extreme. When we became sexual he seemed to enjoy it and he did send a few mild risqué messages. He was able to get half an **** from me naked but it was hard work getting it full, he would go soft half way through sex. He blamed it on nerves. If it did work he would take ages to come, we just gave up and he finished off with his wrist, I also found out he had to think extra dirty thoughts about me for it to work more. I then come to find out he had a massive porn collection which he thought I knew he was using. He used this on the days he doesn't see me, three days this is. Now, it takes about 15 minutes for him to come to this! What the hell? I'm a real live woman, am I so unattractive compared to them? Well when told to get rid he didn't like it. He said I like wanking off to it and accidentally said they're better. He was determined to **** off to this when I wasn't there, it almost makes me feel they are the only ones who do it for him. I managed to get him to delete it all! He seemed to be okay no withdrawal symptoms, now what happens is he comes to quick!!!


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Obviously I'm not qualified to diagnose this guy but it does sound like he has a porn addiction problem and deleting his collection probably won't help him over come it. Just be aware that when you find out your next partner watches porn, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll come across the same problem.



VanDamMan said:


> Nubly is back.


The SAS Gods had mercy on me.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

they might not watch it though


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> tried it didn't work, actually I haven't told you people the full story.
> 
> I'm 25 and when I met my boyfriend he was a virgin, he's 36. Well, he has been masturbating to visuals for nearly 20 years. I entered into a relationship with him not really thinking about porn, didn't really know he was looking at it at the time. He didn't have many sexual fantasies, he doesn't fantasise now he just thinks of what we've done. He's not very sexual his friends joke he's an asexual. I fulfilled the fantasies he did have, nothing extreme. When we became sexual he seemed to enjoy it and he did send a few mild risqué messages. He was able to get half an **** from me naked but it was hard work getting it full, he would go soft half way through sex. He blamed it on nerves. If it did work he would take ages to come, we just gave up and he finished off with his wrist, I also found out he had to think extra dirty thoughts about me for it to work more. I then come to find out he had a massive porn collection which he thought I knew he was using. He used this on the days he doesn't see me, three days this is. Now, it takes about 15 minutes for him to come to this! What the hell? I'm a real live woman, am I so unattractive compared to them? Well when told to get rid he didn't like it. He said I like wanking off to it and accidentally said they're better. He was determined to **** off to this when I wasn't there, it almost makes me feel they are the only ones who do it for him. I managed to get him to delete it all! He seemed to be okay no withdrawal symptoms, now what happens is he comes to quick!!!


He was a 36 year old virgin, OF COURSE he's going to have a massive porn collection. Also, he probably WAS nervous about sex. You were his first and he probably really wanted to please you. Once a guy can't get hard during sex with a girl it's REALLY hard to break that cycle. You worry about not getting hard, and each time it happens you feel more and more like a failure. Instead of criticizing him for his porn collection you should have suggested he go to the doctor and get some Cialis or something. Once he is hard for a few times with the pills he would have had the confidence to do it without.

The fact that you're comparing his time of ejaculation with you versus with porn is ridiculous. He's comfortable with porn. He's been masturbating to it forever. Sex was relatively new to him. He was scared, and nervous, and all you did was make him feel worse about it.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

I know I told him to get viagara


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> I know I told him to get viagara


You still criticized his porn viewing and that didn't help. These kinds of changes take time.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Rymo my man, I have went through something similar to the 36 year old (except at age 18. And I still have erectile issues.) And while Cialis has helped me to a certain extent, it is still a problem. I think the origin of the issue is psychological. Porn is his comfort zone. In my case, fantasy is my comfort zone (I can jack off to fantasies I create. Don't need porn necessarily.) When I'm outside my comfort zone, my arousal and sensitivity is way, way down. I actually had low testosterone readings. But if I can get hard and cum jerking off and fantasizing then my testosterone should be adequate.

In my years though, I haven't had much more than one long-term partner and the erectile thing was an issue in our relationship. I'm guessing that I'm not the type of guy that can be comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

ravens said:


> My feeling is that the guy should pick his girlfriend over porn all the time. I've never had a girlfriend but I do know that I would think of her and not porn.


If you're in a relationship and the other party is choosing to masturbate instead of have sex with you, then you have a problem.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

nubly said:


> Obviously I'm not qualified to diagnose this guy but it does sound like he has a porn addiction problem and deleting his collection probably won't help him over come it. Just be aware that when you find out your next partner watches porn, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll come across the same problem.
> 
> The SAS Gods had mercy on me.


 OMG, welcome back!!!!! I was wondering where you went.


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

I love to talk about sexuality, particularily the science, anthropology and sociology that relates to it. So thank you for this post and I apologize in advance for my lengthy response.
I wish there was an easy answer to this question, a "yes" or a "no". Unforetunately, there isn't. A person's sexuality is quite like a snowflake, especially in the fact that no two people have the same sexual "tastes" (if you will). Western culture (particularly American Culture) tends to glorify voyerism and nudity. Most cultures in history considered nudity to not be sexual in any way (see "cultural breast fetishism"). However, Western - especially American - culture tends to glorify and sexualize nudity, especially female nudity to the point where lipstick lesbianism is considered a "rite of passage". Pornography has an interesting stake in all of this. While being a voyeristc activity, it also reinforces cultural beliefs regarding sexuality (women being overly-sexualized and men being "always ready to go".) This fantasy makes it attractive to many people, men and women alike (although it is still considered taboo for women to watch pornography, it is been proven in many research journals that a majority do).
But, to your question, as to whether or not "using porn in a relationship is unfair to their girlfriend?" is totally up to you to decide. You have your sexuality, your preferences and your insecurities - just like everyone else. Forming and maintaning sexual relationship is not easy; it is indeed, quite difficult. So, I guess what I'd say is if there is someone that you have a sexual relationship with, try and communicate with him or her your ideals of sexuality. Also, listen to your partners thoughts on these things also. Try and form a relationship that is mutually beneficial based upon the things that the two of you like. Although you may not - or may - like pornography (or voyerism , to be more precise) your partner may. Instead of grouping everyone into "guys" and "girls", talk with your partner about what is appealing about of these things and see if these values match your ideals. If not, the stress of maintaining that sexual relationship may outweigh the benefits.
Just my thoughts...sorry for the long respone. I tend to ramble and make lots of typos. That's probably why I don't have many friends but do have this social anxiety crap.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

srschirm said:


> If you're in a relationship and the other party is choosing to masturbate instead of have sex with you, then you have a problem.


I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where either person doesn't want to have sex with the other person. I've been thinking that if I do get in a relationship that I would want to have sex everyday.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

ravens said:


> I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where either person doesn't want to have sex with the other person. I've been thinking that if I do get in a relationship that I would want to have sex everyday.


I completely agree.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Mimic said:


> I thought we had come to the conclusion that Lonelygirl was a troll? There is no way that this can be how she actually thinks. My faith in humanity depends on it.


It is how I think, I don't think about other men I want the same in return. I'll probably forget all about this idiot when someone else comes along so it's all good.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

rymo said:


> He was a 36 year old virgin, OF COURSE he's going to have a massive porn collection. Also, he probably WAS nervous about sex. You were his first and he probably really wanted to please you. Once a guy can't get hard during sex with a girl it's REALLY hard to break that cycle. You worry about not getting hard, and each time it happens you feel more and more like a failure. Instead of criticizing him for his porn collection you should have suggested he go to the doctor and get some Cialis or something. Once he is hard for a few times with the pills he would have had the confidence to do it without.
> 
> The fact that you're comparing his time of ejaculation with you versus with porn is ridiculous. He's comfortable with porn. He's been masturbating to it forever. Sex was relatively new to him. He was scared, and nervous, and all you did was make him feel worse about it.


At first I thought you were being unreasonable. The truth is almost all men masturbate to porn. Even when they are in a relationship. And no man fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend. Fantasies are always about things you cannot have. Why fantasize about your wife or girlfriend? Who does that?

But your bf clearly has a problem. When I first started having sex after years of porn/masturbation I had a lot of trouble completing the act. The problem is that your penis learns that sex involves your hand, some lube and intense visual stimulation. The only cure is to quit and let your brain reset.

This should be a warning to a lot of you SA guys out there who have been jerking off for years. You have to masturbate in a way that is as similar to real sex as possible. Some guys don't use lube. After decades of doing that they've permanently damaged their sexual response.

Finally, porn provides far more visual stimulation than real sex. Too much porn will make it difficult for you to enjoy real sex.

If you're going to be without a partner for a long period of time, I recommend a Fleshlight (Google it), some Astro Glide, and using your imagination. You can watch porn for inspiration but use your imagination during the act. This will prevent you from damaging your ability to perform when you finally get the real thing.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

Canucklehead said:


> Let it go, guys have to masturbate, and porn makes it efficient.


This.

/thread


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> At first I thought you were being unreasonable. The truth is almost all men masturbate to porn. Even when they are in a relationship. And no man fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend. Fantasies are always about things you cannot have. Why fantasize about your wife or girlfriend? Who does that?
> 
> But your bf clearly has a problem. When I first started having sex after years of porn/masturbation I had a lot of trouble completing the act. The problem is that your penis learns that sex involves your hand, some lube and intense visual stimulation. The only cure is to quit and let your brain reset.
> 
> ...


yes it was this that happened but i'm ore concerned that he did it without knowing it would upset me.

I'll probably forget all about this when the next man who makes me feel attractive comes along lol


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> At first I thought you were being unreasonable. The truth is almost all men masturbate to porn. Even when they are in a relationship. And no man fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend. Fantasies are always about things you cannot have. Why fantasize about your wife or girlfriend? Who does that?
> 
> But your bf clearly has a problem. When I first started having sex after years of porn/masturbation I had a lot of trouble completing the act. The problem is that your penis learns that sex involves your hand, some lube and intense visual stimulation. The only cure is to quit and let your brain reset.
> 
> ...


Are you sure the effects of that are permanent? Then I'm totally ****ed. I have been jerking off regularly since I was 11/12 years old at least. And I don't use lube when I do because I'm not circumcised. We have more natural lubrication or whatever.

I actually did buy a Fleshlight some months back (don't laugh at me peeps! lol) for the reasons that you mentioned. But I haven't bothered to stick with it becasue it's too much hassle having to get it out, lube up the thing, use it, then clean up. It's easier to just whip it out, get the tissue paper and wash my hands. I do manage to pop using the Fleshlight. But it's not exactly like having sex with a woman. When I'm lying down and pumping in and out with that thing, it's like having sex with a female vampire in the cowgirl position. A human female can't land on me with that level of speed and they can't replicate the angles and what not. It's hard to explain. Let's just say that it's much easier when I'm in control of my stimulation and instinctively know what my body needs to cum.

Part of it is definitely mental too. Because much of the time I can't even make myself pop in the presence of a sex partner. Though it seems to become easier to do that the more I'm comfortable with the person.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I never used lube until really recently. I guess I was never taught how to masturbate properly, lol.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

doesn't lube make it more difficult to blow a load?


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> ...But your bf clearly has a problem. When I first started having sex after years of porn/masturbation I had a lot of trouble completing the act. The problem is that your penis learns that sex involves your hand, some lube and intense visual stimulation. The only cure is to quit and let your brain reset.
> 
> This should be a warning to a lot of you SA guys out there who have been jerking off for years. You have to masturbate in a way that is as similar to real sex as possible. Some guys don't use lube. After decades of doing that they've permanently damaged their sexual response.
> 
> Finally, porn provides far more visual stimulation than real sex. Too much porn will make it difficult for you to enjoy real sex...


Well, I'm kinda scared now.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

I just want to say that if I had a girl, I would never watch porn.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

my ex who sparked this rage also had SA!

Yes it is scary, it was devastating I was on him for like 15 minutes solid non stop and nothing happened I nearly collapsed. I would prefer my boyfriend use a fleshlight than porn.


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

If I was dating a girl, I would give up porn in a heartbeat. After all, the only reason I watch it is because I don't have a gf. Just being able to hug a girl that I liked, would be better than watching depressing porn.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

I hate reading comments of people and wishing my ex boyfriend shared the same views.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120201091043AAqhPJ5

I even went as far as to email him this link and I told him the first half is what should of happened but it didn't.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> I hate reading comments of people and wishing my ex boyfriend shared the same views.


When a virgin tells you he will give up porn for you, take it with a grain of salt.

If a guy tells you he will masturbate only to thoughts of you, don't even start a relationship with him.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

actually when my ex got rid of his porn he said so I can still masturbate as long as im only thinking about you i said yes and he didn't seem annoyed at all. He did manage it for a bit then he got bored and stopped altogether.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> I do actually know some men who don't masturbate when they are in relationships.


:teeth:teeth either they get it everyday or they are lying


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## J85HUA (Sep 16, 2012)

Habits can be hard to break, if the guy had been doing the same thing for 20 odd years, then that was just what he had gotten used to.
Having a real life flesh and blood woman on top of him for the first time in his life must have been scary as hell, especially if he started getting performance anxiety, it's a downward spiral from there without compassion and understanding.


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## pythonesque (Jun 16, 2012)

typemismatch said:


> I just want to say that if I had a girl, I would never watch porn.





ShadyGFX said:


> If I was dating a girl, I would give up porn in a heartbeat. After all, the only reason I watch it is because I don't have a gf. Just being able to hug a girl that I liked, would be better than watching depressing porn.


You guys are not helping.

OP needs to know that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with viewing porn when you're in a relationship. She is, of course, entitled to want what she wants - guys like the two of you - but please don't go around making the connexion that just because a guy watches porn, it must mean that he doesn't respect you or finds you hideously unattractive or whatever. Like others have said already, he's probably so accustomed to years and years of watching people do it in la-la land that he has a tough time making the transition to straight sex. Not every guy who continues to use porn in a relationship is like that.

Also, just because you're able to masturbate without any visual aids doesn't mean that everyone is able to do the same. Once again, you're entitled to want a boyfriend who can do that. But in terms of dudes out there in the real world, the odds are stacked against you.


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

pythonesque said:


> You guys are not helping.
> 
> OP needs to know that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with viewing porn when you're in a relationship. She is, of course, entitled to want what she wants - guys like the two of you - but please don't go around making the connexion that just because a guy watches porn, it must mean that he doesn't respect you or finds you hideously unattractive or whatever. Like others have said already, he's probably so accustomed to years and years of watching people do it in la-la land that he has a tough time making the transition to straight sex. Not every guy who continues to use porn in a relationship is like that.
> 
> Also, just because you're able to masturbate without any visual aids doesn't mean that everyone is able to do the same. Once again, you're entitled to want a boyfriend who can do that. But in terms of dudes out there in the real world, the odds are stacked against you.


To be fair, it was my opinion and I was only saying. Nobody should take anything I say about relationships to heart because I have no idea what I'm talking about. The point I was making was that I don't like porn and it is just a substitute for a real person.


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## pythonesque (Jun 16, 2012)

ShadyGFX said:


> To be fair, it was my opinion and I was only saying. Nobody should take anything I say about relationships to heart because I have no idea what I'm talking about. The point I was making was that I don't like porn and it is just a substitute for a real person.


I understand and respect that. And I apologise if my comment came across as a bit harsh - I didn't mean it as a personal attack or anything like that. I'm just worried that an opinion like yours might fuel the OP's preexisting misconceptions and worsen the situation.

...No hard feelings?


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

pythonesque said:


> I understand and respect that. And I apologise if my comment came across as a bit harsh - I didn't mean it as a personal attack or anything like that. I'm just worried that an opinion like yours might fuel the OP's preexisting misconceptions and worsen the situation.
> 
> ...No hard feelings?


It didn't offend me, it's hard to convey tone online lol


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AngelClare said:


> But your bf clearly has a problem. When I first started having sex after years of porn/masturbation I had a lot of trouble completing the act. The problem is that your penis learns that sex involves your hand, some lube and intense visual stimulation. The only cure is to quit and let your brain reset.
> 
> This should be a warning to a lot of you SA guys out there who have been jerking off for years. You have to masturbate in a way that is as similar to real sex as possible. Some guys don't use lube. After decades of doing that they've permanently damaged their sexual response.
> 
> ...


I'm only able to orgasm during sex if I get into the same position that I use during masturbation. I didn't figure out how to do this till my late 20s. Now it's pretty easy even with a new partner as long as I don't have too much to drink. Alcohol tends to numb things out. Other positions are stimulating but they just don't get me all the way there.

Of course it's different for women because usually you are not getting direct stimulation to the clitoris.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Twelve Keyz said:


> doesn't lube make it more difficult to blow a load?


Not really, it makes it more like actual sex, which is a good thing.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Canucklehead said:


> When a virgin tells you he will give up porn for you, take it with a grain of salt.
> 
> If a guy tells you he will masturbate only to thoughts of you, don't even start a relationship with him.


lol


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> actually when my ex got rid of his porn he said so I can still masturbate as long as im only thinking about you i said yes and he didn't seem annoyed at all. He did manage it for a bit then he got bored and stopped altogether.


Your story makes more sense now.

The problem is that you are blaming the porn. You have to ask why he had to rely on porn in the first place.

It has nothing to do with you. And trying to control his use of porn and his thoughts will only make it worse. He has so heavily relied on porn as an expression of sexuality, he is devoid reality.

If you get back together, I suggest you guys go on a very long camping trip or vacation together.

If you find another guy, make sure he is mentally healthy, worry less about whether he looks at porn.


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## FeelNothing (Sep 25, 2012)

I'm glad I'm not in a committed relationship so I can masturbate to whomever I like...but seriously, I would give up masturbation once and for all If I just had a girlfriend.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

VanDamMan said:


> Your story makes more sense now.
> 
> The problem is that you are blaming the porn. You have to ask why he had to rely on porn in the first place.
> 
> ...


There is no way I would go back to him I resent him for making me feel so ordinary, and he masturbated to it when he wasn't even horny. He knows I despise him. He f*cking wasted the relationship. Just because he wasn't impressed by me doesn't mean someone else won't be. I don't know if I'm imagining it but he found too many other people more attractive than me it wasn't right. Even the guy that cheated made me feel more attractive than him. I still sit there everyday and wonder why he didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong, he was one of the most gentle people I know. He knew I was insecure aswell, i went mad at him for making a comment about a famous person infront of me. He kept repeating "when you aren't there" that has got nothing to do with anything he was still in a relationship with me. I will find someone who deserves me one day. I'm not like other girls I rarely bother my boyfriends, I don't ring them up all the time etc I'm pretty relaxed, that was all I wanted just for them to not look at other women.

He also said "at least you don't stop me going the pub" i don't think he realised that he was basically moaning to his own girlfriend that she stopped him looking at other women.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I'm only able to orgasm during sex if I get into the same position that I use during masturbation. I didn't figure out how to do this till my late 20s.


In this thread there is been much talk about guys using porn to facilitate masturbation. Do women us it too? Do you use porn, fantasize about someone you know or don't think about anything at all?


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

I don't fantasize about other people in a relationship I would never look at a picture of a man or pretend I'm having sex with the male actor. I don't understand why men don't pretend they are doing the things in the video with their own girlfriend it baffles me.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AngelClare said:


> In this thread there is been much talk about guys using porn to facilitate masturbation. Do women us it too? Do you use porn, fantasize about someone you know or don't think about anything at all?


Before I didn't but now I use it most every time. I might fantasize about an especially cute guy in one of my classes or a hot guy I banged a while back.


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## em violet (Apr 21, 2011)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> tried it didn't work, actually I haven't told you people the full story.
> 
> I'm 25 and when I met my boyfriend he was a virgin, he's 36. Well, he has been masturbating to visuals for nearly 20 years. I entered into a relationship with him not really thinking about porn, didn't really know he was looking at it at the time. He didn't have many sexual fantasies, he doesn't fantasise now he just thinks of what we've done. He's not very sexual his friends joke he's an asexual. I fulfilled the fantasies he did have, nothing extreme. When we became sexual he seemed to enjoy it and he did send a few mild risqué messages. He was able to get half an **** from me naked but it was hard work getting it full, he would go soft half way through sex. He blamed it on nerves. If it did work he would take ages to come, we just gave up and he finished off with his wrist, I also found out he had to think extra dirty thoughts about me for it to work more. I then come to find out he had a massive porn collection which he thought I knew he was using. He used this on the days he doesn't see me, three days this is. Now, it takes about 15 minutes for him to come to this! What the hell? I'm a real live woman, am I so unattractive compared to them? Well when told to get rid he didn't like it. He said I like wanking off to it and accidentally said they're better. He was determined to **** off to this when I wasn't there, it almost makes me feel they are the only ones who do it for him. I managed to get him to delete it all! He seemed to be okay no withdrawal symptoms, now what happens is he comes to quick!!!


maybe instead of being mad at him forgive him and realizes that if he has a porn addiction he may need help. or move on and forget bout it


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

apart the sexual side we were soul mates


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> apart the sexual side we were soul mates


Then get back together ffs. Your name is lonelygirl, you've found a soul mate - don't ruin the chance just because of sex. It just sounds to me like he isn't comfortable having sex - he doesn't like the intimacy that comes with sex. That's an issue sure, but not a massive issue that should get in the way of soul mates.


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## J85HUA (Sep 16, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> apart the sexual side we were soul mates


But if he just made you feel "ordinary" and not special about who you are as a person, what makes you believe you were soulmates?
I envisage a soulmate as someone who is not only compatible with you but makes you feel good about yourself and who you are together.
Sure, every relationship has its ups and downs, but a soulmate shouldn't make you feel like ****.:no


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## em violet (Apr 21, 2011)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> apart the sexual side we were soul mates


how can u say that ur soul mates if ur this upset over him wanking to porn? if u were soul mates ud be more understanding imo


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Yeah I guess so we bonded well because we had SA. He told me he had masturbated but i didn't realise he had porn, the only porn i knew of was his old porn which was locked in a box. If i had thought ahead i could of said what were you thinking about or realised he was looking at porn it could of been different i could of said i dont agree with that. I was lucky though he had only been doing it for three weeks before i caught him. He didn't have the sound on so he wasn't taking it as seriously as some men would. I read on a forum somewhere a guy timed his orgasm so it happened at the same time as the actor to make the fantasy more real, I seriously hope that guy was single. It just seems completely unnecessary when you're having sex with a real person. It should only be for single people, I can understand if they are looking at something their partner won't do. My confidence is in the toilet, having to force a 36 year old balding fat man to get rid of his porn when I thought I was a 25 year old attractive woman. I believe he is extremely naive to not realise porn upsets women.


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

sort of but not completely!


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

John316C said:


> sort of but not completely!


what's that in response to?


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> what's that in response to?


porn


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

There is actually something i kept from you all.... he claims he was looking at people that look like me and pretending they were me and he's kept this story up waaaayyyyyy past deleting it and past me dumping him. He still has the same story to this day. This has elements of truth in it as he showed me one of the women he said he looked at and she did look like me, he purposely downloaded more of her because she looked like me. I'm guessing this was during the before our first date phase I believe once he was doing physical things with me he didn't need to think of me. This is part of an email he sent me;

"when we started dating again, I really did lose interest. I stopped looking at porn completely.

After a while, when we became even closer, I started doing it again, looking at ***** and friends. Maybe I shouldn't of, but you left me feeling horny in the mornings. And I needed visual stimulation even though I was thinking about you and things we did."



That's what the arguing is mainly about I'm trying to get him to admit he wasn't thinking of me when using porn.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Reading this thread made me realise I'd be terrible at sex if I got the chance.


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## Nads (Jan 2, 2013)

You should have watched porn with him. Masturbate together. Learn more about sex. People need to have more sex. People are so unhappy prudes these days.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> that relationship ended july 15 of this year. I wasn't made to feel special enough.


He didn't deserve you.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I don't really blame you for being insecure and uncomfortable with your partner whacking it to porn. I'm fairly insecure too and would probably be paranoid and jealous if I had a GF. With that said, the reality is that almost every guy does it, even if he has a smokin' partner he's totally content with. Hopefully you can somehow find a way to suppress the anxiety and distress it gives you in future relationships.


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## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> Is there actually any guys here that would think using porn in a relationship is unfair to their girlfriend?


no, sure it may make you feel weird, but its no big deal


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

It is unfair, the girlfriend should really be there to take care of his sexual needs on demand instead [ and him hers]. If she isn't there, then his porn use is ultimately her fault.:um


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

^Sounds logical, if you ask me.


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## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

My girlfriend knows I watch porn when she's not here, and she's fine with it. In fact, she's curious to see the kinds of videos I watch. We've watched porn together some. I sometimes masterbate to the thought of her, but not always.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Fenren said:


> It is unfair, the girlfriend should really be there to take care of his sexual needs on demand instead [ and him hers]. If she isn't there, then his porn use is ultimately her fault.:um


_On demand?_ The wording there wasn't so great... where does consent fit into this?


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> .


Would you have been willing to watch porn with him, or even take photos of yourself for him to use? Men are generally visually-orientated and even with a good imagination, an imagined picture or memory is still nothing like seeing with your eyes.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

I couldn't be in a relationship with a woman who felt she wasn't allowed to watch porn or masturbate without me. So I don't think it's unfair to have porn in a relationship, and I would probably laugh if a woman told me "ok we're dating, now you're not allowed to touch yourself unless you're thinking about me."

There's something fundamentally wrong with how many people view this aspect of relationships and sexual expression. Your partner doesn't own your body and you don't own theirs. Masturbation is a private activity (unless you _want_ to share it, which is great too!) that's an important part of discovering your own sexuality, gaining sexual confidence, and maintaining good health. Even the happiest most sexual couple will still want time alone occasionally and it will benefit them. I wouldn't tell my girlfriend what she can and can't watch when she masturbates, just like I wouldn't tell her what to eat or which direction she should brush her teeth.


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## prayingcally84 (Dec 26, 2012)

I think porn is unfair in a relationship to be honest and part of that is due to my religious beliefs. My fiance also is against it but no one is perfect, we all sin and whatnot. He does feel it is disrespectful and does his best to avoid the temptations. I think there are men out there who do think it is bad to do and you can find one BUT it doesn't mean they are perfect and don't struggle at times with it.

I was with a porn addict in my past. Does it hurt? Sure does. But the thing is it doesn't mean they don't love you. I don't think it is okay, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't always mean they don't care.

One of the best things to do for yourself right now, and I have had to do this too, is love yourself. Work on yourself and your own self esteem. And don't settle for a guy who just says "This is how it is, get over it" because there are guys out there who will do their best to treat you like a princess and try to avoid the porn. I will pray for you!


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

What if he was only looking at pictures of a porn star that looked like you?


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## flamingwind (Jan 1, 2013)

Canucklehead said:


> When a virgin tells you he will give up porn for you, take it with a grain of salt.
> 
> If a guy tells you he will masturbate only to thoughts of you, don't even start a relationship with him.


:clap

I find it funny that some people think that they are just gonna give up porn when they get the real thing. They are in for the shock of their life


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

If they thought about me sometimes that might be acceptable, I don't think this guy did (not enough for my liking). He didn't want pictures of me. So I guess for my next boyfriend go for a guy who makes a lot of sexual fuss over me and thinks of me at least some of the time. I'll just keep going til it is to my liking.

I dated a porn addict too but he was a teenage boy. I've got my wits about me now. I think the people I've picked were just more into it than others. I think he'd seen that much porn that normal women just look like sh*t to him.

It wasn't just the porn though it was his views on the matter I expected more from him, I also thought we had a connection which it turned out he didn't think we did as much as I did. I've never had such a disappointment in my life. It's like I know he made an effort but it was in the wrong place for me so it went to waste. I still can't get past how bitter I am. Thank God I found out early!


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

I think it's super disrespectful and I personally wouldn't do it, even though the girl I'm currently dating would definitely still watch porn if we end up in a relationship lol


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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

kast said:


> I couldn't be in a relationship with a woman who felt she wasn't allowed to watch porn or masturbate without me. So I don't think it's unfair to have porn in a relationship, and I would probably laugh if a woman told me "ok we're dating, now you're not allowed to touch yourself unless you're thinking about me."
> 
> There's something fundamentally wrong with how many people view this aspect of relationships and sexual expression. Your partner doesn't own your body and you don't own theirs. Masturbation is a private activity (unless you _want_ to share it, which is great too!) that's an important part of discovering your own sexuality, gaining sexual confidence, and maintaining good health. Even the happiest most sexual couple will still want time alone occasionally and it will benefit them. I wouldn't tell my girlfriend what she can and can't watch when she masturbates, just like I wouldn't tell her what to eat or which direction she should brush her teeth.


I agree with this 100%. In addition:

"You can look, but do not touch"

Porn allows you to explore your sexuality while staying within the confines of a healthy relationship.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Porn is something that single guys should have.

Since I'm single, I look at porn. If I actually had sexual opportunities, I would NOT look at porn. In fact, it would be disrespectful to my girlfriend.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

There must be someone out there to suit me. I bet that guy felt so bad that I couldn't forgive him. It's way more depressing than what I wrote but I can't go into details.

What would happen if you were as hot as a pornstar though? Would they think about you more and ask for pictures? Just read through some old emails I did actually say to him one night if I was really stunning big boobs you would be able to be fulfilled? (I think I meant when I'm not there) He said who knows.

I need someone to make up for all this hurtful sh*t. The problem I face now is I know it's all over and has been for six months why can't he just tell me he made up he was looking at women who look like me? I just want the truth. I've tried and he won't admit the truth even though he sort of slipped up sometimes.


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