# Humour Approach for my Narcissism - read with sarcasm



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Well, it would seem that upon a little digging, I am both in love with myself and hate myself at the same time. This is good and accounts for the frequent fights and long periods of 'abstinence' I experience.

I mean, sometimes having the sun shine out my azz can be useful because the illumination it provides allows me a better view so that I can denigrate my face in the mirror, and of course having people recognise just how special I am at parties is always great because then it makes them confident enough to tell me that sometimes I can be cocky as hell.

Feeling a deep ambivalence to my beloved man-belly which I hate is always good fun, especially when it makes me unhappy - but an afternoon of intense distraction such as watching disturbing horror or jumping out of planes is a great way to congratulate myself on my omnipotence and all-round fantasticness, just in time for tea and a quick collapse of self esteem when it seems that people didnt quite agree with me.

I know how much everyone loves reading about MEEE and my life so I thought I'd post this to tell you all about my narcissism, because of which I know you all want to read about MEEEE.

I may look for an 'altar' signature so that readers have something to worship at when they read my posts, I think its the least I can do though you may find that the wafers are a little out of date as I can't actually motivate myself to go buy any food due to my chronic sense that really someone else should be doing it for me.

Hmm this is strangely cathartic.

Ross


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## ImAboutToEXPLODE (Nov 20, 2007)

> sometimes having the sun shine out my azz can be useful because the illumination it provides


Hmm well, i would think that would be kind of an akward angle...


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

yes it tends to cast a couple of shadows

:lol


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

All hail Ross!

:nw :nw :nw :nw :nw :nw


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Ahhhh NOOOOOOOOO you're making me worse!!! 



EDIT: Oh hang on. I think I just saw the joke. :lol Worship here if you .... ops


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## ThomP (Dec 24, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> I am both in love with myself and hate myself at the same time.


Like Gollum ? (SCNR) 

- Thom


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

The cake is not a lie, its just made of neurotoxin. Gordon would never eat it though so its all ok


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Read with sarcasm... and write with sarcasm...

- Ross, I disagree totally with you. You are such a drag and are always 100% wrong. 
- You are so wonderful though too! You have changed my life forever and are supreme ruler of SAS.

Sorry, just felt like testing your vulnerabilities there with each of those statements (Hey, that qualifies as a tease-bullying test as well). :lol


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Yeah that kind of captures the experience  Don't laugh its actually not very nice :cry Really, its what has locked me into relapse in the past. If I can beat it, then I think I will really be free.

Its narcissism blended with "you are worthless" and the two can come within a nano-second of each other, throughout the day, and the more I do with imagery work and schema, the more I realise what a big part it has played in my SA and depression. Its completely compensatory - my dad was never around, or if he was he was very cold and his angry side was very frightening (a little like mine  ), and though my mum did give me love, I seemed to see that I got it only if I was clever or achieved. She had her own problems too and I felt like I wanted to 'save' her ... ring any bells?? In fact, this came to be the only way I could feel loved, but at the same time I felt worthless because mostly my mum couldnt deal with my problems and so I never really felt like anyone thought my problems were real. 

Thats the experience I have today - the past is still asserting itself each moment. Now the depression and SA have shifted, i can see it - and I know where I am headed if I dont tackle it.

Actually I feel quite sad writing this. Glad I have you lot to unload on a bit  :hug

Ross


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Lo siento, mi amigo. :sigh

I'm just glad that you're very aware of the issue, which will surely be helpful in addressing it (even if it is not always as easy as merely understanding it).

I've been thinking about that past of yours in relation to mine. My dad and mom were around (and still have a happy marriage), but I kind of felt like I had to achieve to the highest degree to get their "best" love. It's not that I felt unloved by them, but I just felt disproportionate love when I'd do something well... like it was the achievement itself that _primarily_ drove the love, not me. My parents never prodded me about whether I was happy, how I felt, or other emotional questions. It was like all that mattered was my academic performance, even if maybe they did care about how I felt (just never asking me EVER).

In many ways, I think this was a self-created reward system. I sincerely believe that my parents love me regardless of my success...hmm... or am I just saying that now that I thought of it? :con

In any case, while our pasts don't match perfectly by any means, we might have had a somewhat similar experience in regards to getting praise for success.

In fact, I can relate a bit to your wanting to console people, but in my case, I feel like I can't do it so well so I usually resort to joking around rather than even dreaming of just giving someone a hug or something along that line. I have pretty strong memories of NUMEROUS occasions when my mom would get into a "bad mood" for a day or two. Those were such scary times. The dinner table would be absolutely quiet, and I felt like I wanted to "make it all okay" but learned over the years that I couldn't seem to make my mom feel better, so I'd just be silent instead until she felt better seemingly "by itself."

Even to this day I sometimes get a bit annoyed at her when she gets into a highly emotional state. I just want to get away from her in those moments.

Perhaps we could both learn from our experiences that it wasn't our fault that our mothers had problems or got into a foul mood. Perhaps our parents loved us just as well when we weren't actively achieving in school or achieving in some other fashion. And perhaps those questions aren't even that important as far as what we can do today to help ourselves... that, my friend, can end up being a very hopeful idea indeed.

:stu


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Wheee!

MANHUG!!

Nothing tastes as sweet as vaildation :clap Aww hey no serious, that really felt like a little healing going on right there. :dead Some little inner hurty bit just departed! Whoo!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Wheee!
> 
> MANHUG!!
> 
> Nothing tastes as sweet as vaildation :clap


Hey there, you're putting a dent in my "privacy shield" there. :lol


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Ha yeah I felt it too. Amazing how you can feel that across 2000 miles of ocean huh? Thats that vulnerability thing ... feels like a barrier, duntit? For me half embarassment, half shame, half somethin kind of poopie ... but whatever. I feel happier for it.

*Does that sort of funny handshake thing that people who male bond do at football matches and stuff*


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I think I am already getting a much better sense of what I want to tell my therapist, and I haven't even started my book yet. At last, some real progress when it comes to getting a better grip on what's irking me!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hehe "The Brainer" finds his heart! A bit like this happy transformer ....


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Hah... how about the tin man?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Awwww. He's having a head-poot


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