# I can't get close to people



## Slytherclaw (Jul 16, 2011)

Every time I get a new love interest or close friend, I start off almost obsessed with them, but once we get really close, I start to get extremely annoyed by them and push them away. Sometimes after that I become obsessed with them again and regret my behavior, and sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I was associated with them, even if they weren't really bad people. This is a pattern that has repeated countless times in my life. I don't know what it is or why I do it... all I know is that it gets in the way of having normal relationships. I wish I could just be like everyone else in that respect.

Does anyone else have this problem?


----------



## GaaraAgain (Oct 10, 2011)

Yeah, I have a bad habit of doing that also. I feel like that now about someone I called my best friend a few short months ago. Now I won't even speak to her.

That's one of the main reasons that I thought I was borderline for so long. Still am not completely convinced that I'm not.


----------



## anthrotex (Oct 24, 2011)

Do you feel that you are falling for the idea of them, rather than who they really are; then once you find out who they really are, it disappoints you?


----------



## Slytherclaw (Jul 16, 2011)

GaaraAgain said:


> Yeah, I have a bad habit of doing that also. I feel like that now about someone I called my best friend a few short months ago. Now I won't even speak to her.
> 
> That's one of the main reasons that I thought I was borderline for so long. Still am not completely convinced that I'm not.


I've looked into borderline too, but it's hard to get an opinion as to whether I have it. Every person I've seen about it just skirts around the issue. I think it's because BPD has such a stigma.



anthrotex said:


> Do you feel that you are falling for the idea of them, rather than who they really are; then once you find out who they really are, it disappoints you?


It might have something to do with that. I tend to be extremely critical in general and have high expectations, so I really wouldn't be surprised if I trick myself into believing some idealistic BS about people sometimes in order to get through the day. Or even justify settling for someone who I don't exactly like. Otherwise I just kinda walk around hating everyone for trivial reasons... :blank


----------



## tardisblue (Dec 4, 2011)

Yes, I find it hard to get close to people. Even when I know someone is going to end up being a good friend and I'm hanging out with them more, I find it hard. It's like there's this line that I can't cross very easily with people. Even if I know they are trustworthy, I feel it very difficult to tell them what's on my mind or if things are bothering me in my life.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I see where you are coming from. I'm afraid of opening up to easily and having a vulnerably to me. For me I think I get way to attached in a way of like having someone there not really attached to the person.....I'm probably making no sense hah. Then again I freak out when I get way to close and depend on someone way to much cause if I get to close and they dump me I freaking freak out. So without getting close and distancing yourself you don't get hurt that much.


----------



## anthrotex (Oct 24, 2011)

Slytherclaw said:


> It might have something to do with that. I tend to be extremely critical in general and have high expectations, so I really wouldn't be surprised if I trick myself into believing some idealistic BS about people sometimes in order to get through the day. Or even justify settling for someone who I don't exactly like. Otherwise I just kinda walk around hating everyone for trivial reasons... :blank


In the past, I noticed I used to do that. I would be extremely critical of people at first, but then if I allowed someone in, I would kind of "build them up" to be this perfect human being, but then when they did imperfect things I couldn't understand it and I became extremely disappointed in them, unforgiving, and generally discarded them. I can't say that's what you're doing, but it's why I asked the question. It seemed similar. I learned to just take people at face value and accept them for who they are. All people, even loved ones, family, and best friends, are going to do upsetting or disappointing things. I learned to weigh the costs of dealing with these flaws to how they make me feel and if they're usually a good friend to me. Usually I find it's worth it to keep them around, if they truly are just trying to do their best and slip up every once in awhile, as we're all prone to do.

I also used to hate everyone for trivial reasons because I used it as a defense mechanism. If I didn't like them first, then it didn't come as a shock when they found me to be unfriendly and stopped liking me. But now that I give people chances, they're starting to give me some, too. It's cool.


----------



## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

yeah seriously..i ahve been failing at judging people..i dnt feel interested an knowing anybody...it sucks..if people want to know me they are thor welcomed,if they dnt bother..i dnt care


----------



## jon 29 uk (Sep 14, 2011)

yea! i have the exact same issue!


----------



## Retronia (Dec 18, 2011)

Yes. I do it very often.
I just push people away, because I am scared.
I remember back in high school I had a lots of friends..but then college changed everything...I kind if pushed everyone away, thinking I am better of by myself :/


----------



## Opacus (Dec 12, 2011)

jon 29 uk said:


> yea! i have the exact same issue!


me 2


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Slytherclaw said:


> Every time I get a new love interest or close friend, I start off almost obsessed with them, but once we get really close, I start to get extremely annoyed by them and push them away. Sometimes after that I become obsessed with them again and regret my behavior, and sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I was associated with them, even if they weren't really bad people. This is a pattern that has repeated countless times in my life. I don't know what it is or why I do it... all I know is that it gets in the way of having normal relationships. I wish I could just be like everyone else in that respect.
> 
> Does anyone else have this problem?


In a way, yes. I do this with "friends." Most love interests can't get near me, but I'm sure it would be the same thing.


----------

