# It’s such a shame…(SA GUYS READ THIS)



## thatoddquietgirl (May 3, 2010)

That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site. It's so sad that the girls in your live's don't see that. And I know cause so many guys out there nowadays are plain JERKS. I just wanted to let you guys know that you are all amazing and WILL find a girl who will appreciate you one day <3 I just thought you guys all needed a boost cause this site is getting way too depressing lol!!


----------



## kingfoxy (Oct 18, 2009)

yea i always try to be the nice guy and it gets me nowhere its nice to know not all women like the bad guys:boogie


----------



## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

Thanks.
I appreciate your honesty.


----------



## knuckles17 (Jun 27, 2009)

lol awe


----------



## TheCanadian1 (Sep 14, 2009)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site. It's so sad that the girls in your live's don't see that. And I know cause so many guys out there nowadays are plain JERKS. I just wanted to let you guys know that you are all amazing and WILL find a girl who will appreciate you one day <3 I just thought you guys all needed a boost cause this site is getting way too depressing lol!!


Thanks 

That made me feel good, and I really appreciate you taking the time to make this thread.

I've always figured that "nice guys finish last" was a true statement. It's such a shame that social ability is pretty much the only focus on attractions (aside from physical). I often thing if I could have that chance to show a girl how I'd treat her, she'd never want to be with any other guy.

One day I hope...


----------



## xJoshx (Apr 29, 2010)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site. It's so sad that the girls in your live's don't see that. And I know cause so many guys out there nowadays are plain JERKS. I just wanted to let you guys know that you are all amazing and WILL find a girl who will appreciate you one day <3 I just thought you guys all needed a boost cause this site is getting way too depressing lol!!


Thanks ! I always try to look at it the way you just told it, run that thought in my head everyday when I go out. 
Reminds me of the following quote. "Good things come to those who wait"


----------



## NotRealName (Feb 28, 2010)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site. It's so sad that the girls in your live's don't see that. And I know cause so many guys out there nowadays are plain JERKS. I just wanted to let you guys know that *you are all amazing and WILL find a girl who will appreciate you one day <3 I just thought you guys all needed a boost cause this site is getting way too depressing lol!*!


Lets hope so, thanks for the post


----------



## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site.


or they _seem_ that way.


----------



## NotRealName (Feb 28, 2010)

lonelygirl88 said:


> or they _seem_ that way.


ooo, haha.

I do think some people on here don't tell the whole story and hide some things that would be a reason for certain problems. Me, though, I think I'm a "Genuinely sweet nice guy",haha.


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think we should be reinforcing "nice guy" behavior like this. It's never a good thing for a man to be a doormat, constantly trying to please other people in an effort to be "nice" because of the belief that being "nice" is a good thing. He ends up neglecting his own needs, and some people might lose respect for him.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think we should be reinforcing "nice guy" behavior like this. It's never a good thing for a man to be a doormat, constantly trying to please other people in an effort to be "nice" because of the belief that being "nice" is a good thing.


Being nice *is* a good thing, and it's crazy to say otherwise. Being nice isn't the same as being a doormat of course -- most of the nicest people in the world aren't doormats, and most doormats are bitter passive-aggressive people who aren't really nice.

I'd love to be a nice guy. I try. I'm just not very good at it and end up being inconsiderate or mean anyway. Even if I believed being a nice guy would eliminate any chance of ever having a girlfriend, I'd still want to become one because being a genuinely nice person is it's own reward.

That said, I doubt I'll ever be sweet or nice since it just doesn't seem to be my personality, and social anxiety gets in the way all the time. So it goes.


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

^Obviously, we define "nice guy" differently. I define a "nice guy" as a doormat, who goes out of his way to please other people while neglecting his own needs. I think I'm often this kind of a "nice guy" by default, especially around girls. But I'm fighting it, consciously asserting and pursuing my own needs and desires without caring about whether I please someone else when I can muster the energy (which is not often). A man who is excessively selfless is what I take a "nice guy" to be. Selfless is not necessarily a bad thing to be, but I think we are often too selfless as a result of an excessive holding to popular morality, and lose out on what we want for it.

And yes, _some_ people lose respect for this kind of guy when they realize they can take advantage of him. Just read the frustration forum.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

That was a very nice post thatoddquietgirl. Too often gender related threads turn really bitter. It's good to see a girl lending support to the guys here!

I too love me some nice non-jerk boys.


----------



## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

myhalo123 said:


> Huh?
> 
> Being a doormat trying to constantly please everybody and just being a nice decent human being are two completely different things.
> 
> And what do you mean by people will lose respect for him? I could see that happening if you were in a gang or prison, but out in the real world there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy.


Totally agree... Big difference between doormats and nice guys... doormats seem to have little to no self-respect therefore it is true that they do not demand any respect and _unfortunately_ get little and are usually screwed over.

Nice guys rock... they have self-respect, they give and yet they are not enabling... they care and they share and will walk if being abused (just like any woman should as well).

ALL nice guys need a big round of applause for not caving into bitterness and society pressure to be a*******.


----------



## Forest (Jul 11, 2009)

Aw, hopefully one day


----------



## thatoddquietgirl (May 3, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> ^Obviously, we define "nice guy" differently. I define a "nice guy" as a doormat, who goes out of his way to please other people while neglecting his own needs. I think I'm often this kind of a "nice guy" by default, especially around girls. But I'm fighting it, consciously asserting and pursuing my own needs and desires without caring about whether I please someone else when I can muster the energy (which is not often). A man who is excessively selfless is what I take a "nice guy" to be. Selfless is not necessarily a bad thing to be, but I think we are often too selfless as a result of an excessive holding to popular morality, and lose out on what we want for it.
> 
> And yes, _some_ people lose respect for this kind of guy when they realize they can take advantage of him. Just read the frustration forum.


totally not what i was referring to- you can be a nice guy and assertive too, i just wanted to remind you all to keep the hope...well, that was my intention at least. i am certainly not encouraging anyone on here to be a doormat lol. so take the compliment and don't question it when someone is trying to give you encouragement/a compliment!


----------



## roverred (Dec 23, 2007)

Hoth said:


> Being nice *is* a good thing, and it's crazy to say otherwise. Being nice isn't the same as being a doormat of course -- most of the nicest people in the world aren't doormats, and most doormats are bitter passive-aggressive people who aren't really nice.


My thoughts exactly.


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I tend to do whatever women ask of me, regardless of whether I want to do it or not. I have a little self-respect, but I'm not really assertive and I'm envious of a lot of confident and assertive people. Am I a doormat or a nice guy?


----------



## Saekon (Jan 13, 2010)

What if we're gay? 

It had to be asked


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Some SAers are gay, and that's fine, but I find it pretty messed up that so many straight guys are so often seen as gay simply because they don't date. It's as if people attempt to rationalize our lack of relationships rather than really trying to understand us.


----------



## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Avoid the "Nice Guy" syndrome by doing the following:


----------



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Thank you!!!!


----------



## xJoshx (Apr 29, 2010)

mbp86 said:


> Avoid the "Nice Guy" syndrome by doing the following:


I really really like that, Gives me a list of things to work on


----------



## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Who are these men you speak of? You must be thinking of a different website.



I'm kidding, I'm kidding.


----------



## Trek (Apr 12, 2010)

8/10 people who I know, think/or thought that I am/was gay. I think it's because of a few things... I take wicked good care of myself, I dress very well (haha), I'm in really good shape, and I'm not into lots of sports. I hate that society has labeled every guy who isn't into sports or doesn't have a girlfriend "gay"... it really bugs me.

I agree with someone above, I never get anywhere with relationships because I'm always obsessing over them, and then I just end up coming off as a creeper (or atleast I think I am being a creeper) then I talk myself out of pursuing it further. This is happening right now, as we speak.


----------



## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I hope to find someone, somewhere, someday that will lmake me happy too.
Steve


----------



## offspin (May 13, 2010)

I think the one thing SA has helped me with is to keep my feet grounded, in other words I'm never cocky or give people an attitude.  Even a few girlfriends have said that I'm "different" from many other guys who are either stupid, have a gigantic ego or both.


----------



## shyguydan222 (Nov 1, 2008)

That was a really nice post 


I know there is someone for everyone out there, regardless if they are gay, bi, or straight. I have overheard some women thinking I was gay because of my appearance. Which is completely untrue of course. When the time is right when my life is more together then I will find my princess.


----------



## lazyartist (May 20, 2010)

this makes me feel better


----------



## notcoolzeus (May 25, 2010)

Thanks but I'm content with dying alone. But then again I don't think you were referring to me because I'm a scumbag anyway. Eh, there is no sarcasm font on the internet so I guess I'll say I'm kidding. Thanks for the sentiment! You inspired me so much I think I'm going to release the girl I have captive in the basement and find a real girl who will love me for me.


----------



## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

myhalo123 said:


> Huh?
> 
> Being a doormat trying to constantly please everybody and just being a nice decent human being are two completely different things.
> 
> _*And what do you mean by people will lose respect for him? I could see that happening if you were in a gang or prison, but out in the real world there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy.*_


Gangs and prisons ? If it were only in gangs and prisons people made fun of "nice guys" then the world would be that much easier.
Truth is, if you are not careful it is easy to have your niceness mistaken for weakness, by my many people ... not just prisoners.

Well, seeing as this is a _*positive *_thread, I will try my best not to get into the depressing side of this topic.
However, I do appreciate the O.P's sentiments though. In a world that sometimes seems to be pushing you to your worst behaviour, her words are welcome .


----------



## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

> I go to the toilet but that doesn't make me a toilet person.


Lol! (Sorry ;])


----------



## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> "Gangs and prisons ? If it were only in gangs and prisons people made fun of "nice guys" then the world would be that much easier.
> Truth is, if you are not careful it is easy to have your niceness mistaken for weakness, by my many people ... not just prisoners."
> 
> A person decides that they are "a nice person". They then get picked on for some reason by someone or a group of people. They then *assume* that this person or group of people picked up on their own idea about who they are and bullied them because of it. Oh, I missed a step, there's also the part where the person being picked on decided to think of being "too nice" as a bad thing. Maybe that happened when they decided they were a "nice person" or maybe it happened when they got picked on and thought it was because they were a "nice person".
> ...


So are you saying that all generalizations are useless ?

You use the words assume, decide and believe as if "the nice guy" were a concept invented in the 20th century. Saying that God created the Earth is a belief system. Saying that there is a tendency of people to bully those who appear weak and/or shy ... is bit more than a belief system.

This is not about me, feeling sorry for myself. This is about perceived shyness in others, and the not-so-friendly reaction it solicits in many people which has been recorded in literature, caricatured and satirized for centuries.


----------



## Quark (Jun 4, 2010)

Thanks thatoddquietgirl! It really means a lot to hear that.


----------



## fixmein45 (Jul 9, 2009)

I actually think SA has made me a self-serving *******...


----------



## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> That there are SO MANY genuinely sweet, nice guys on this site.


I agree with you entirely, quietgirl.
What a nice thread to start!


----------



## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

The reason girls prob don't notice them, is same reason guys don't notice and/or approach me. I think with SA we give off a bad/awkward vibe and we look unapproachable at times. Maybe people prob even do notice us as sweet, nice etc. but don't know how to go about asking us out? Idk, that's my opinion. If you want to date someone you just have to go for what you want and not wait around - sucks but it's the way she goes.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

strawberryjulius said:


> Who are these men you speak of? You must be thinking of a different website.


My thoughts exactly.


----------



## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I was thinking this a while back too ^-^


----------



## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Oh no.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Oh, I meant, SAS guys are great!


----------

