# Struggling but can't ask for help



## Emerald3 (Sep 17, 2009)

Does anyone ever feel like they are struggling to understand the work set at university, but just can't bring themselves to ask for help?

I feel out of my depth in most of my classes, and really want to ask for help. I don't want to bring the attention on me during class and there's just an invisible barrier between me and my lecturers.

I'm now in my third year, managed to fail two modules in the first & second years, and really scared I'm going to fail and not get a degree. I have my dissertation now, but don't have motivation to start it although i'm interested in my topic.


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

Emerald3 said:


> Does anyone ever feel like they are struggling to understand the work set at university, but just can't bring themselves to ask for help?
> 
> I feel out of my depth in most of my classes, and really want to ask for help. I don't want to bring the attention on me during class and there's just an invisible barrier between me and my lecturers.
> 
> I'm now in my third year, managed to fail two modules in the first & second years, and really scared I'm going to fail and not get a degree. I have my dissertation now, but don't have motivation to start it although i'm interested in my topic.


well to be honest with you if yo ucant even ask your professors for help you have no business holding a college degree. a college degree signaifes that youre ready to be out there and functioning n the world. its ok to have social anxiety but at your level it is severely inhibiting your ability to function on a day to day basis so iving yo ua degree wouldnt be a good idea. it would be saying youre functional enough to work. but if you get stuck you cant even ask your coworker for help with something.
im not trying to be harsh but just ask your professor for help....


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Speaking as a TA, I can tell you that your TA's would love it if you came in during office hours and asked your questions. When a student cares enough for the class to actually ask questions, it shows that he or she is actually interested in the class and interested in learning something, which makes the TA believe that what he/she is teaching actually has some meaning. So go for it, if only to make your TA feel good about her/himself.

(Also, a LOT of TAs actually get nervous in class. Some of my colleagues are freaking out over what happens when they will inevitably meet silence during a section.)


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## Beryl (Jan 9, 2007)

I hate being mean, especially on these forums, kind of feels like kicking someone when they are down, but STFU rctriplefresh, anyone who wants a degree should be free to pursue one, regardless of SA. A degree signifies you passed your classes and earned it.

Im not doing so great in college either, its my third year also, and before this year I had never gone to office hours. I still never ask questions in lecture. Sometimes in lab i can ask small questions when the TA is walking around tryin to help ppl, but this is something I kind of learned to do somehow.

Im not sure how things work in England, if they do office hours, you should work on mustering the courage to stop in for a minute for a quick question and work from there to being able to go in office hours for longer.

But yea I feel clueless alot to, im not doing so great grade wise and just feel im not smart enough sometimes, when i make lower grades then everyone else.

Anyways we both have minerals for username and pic. U a geology major?


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

Beryl said:


> I hate being mean, especially on these forums, kind of feels like kicking someone when they are down, but STFU rctriplefresh, anyone who wants a degree should be free to pursue one, regardless of SA. A degree signifies you passed your classes and earned it.
> 
> Im not doing so great in college either, its my third year also, and before this year I had never gone to office hours. I still never ask questions in lecture. Sometimes in lab i can ask small questions when the TA is walking around tryin to help ppl, but this is something I kind of learned to do somehow.
> 
> ...


ill be the bigger person and ignore the fact that you told me to STFU. anyways i agree anybody and everybofy has the right to PURSUE a degree. i will defend that 100 percent. a college degree is not just about passing your classes. it signifies you are responsible and able to function in real life. if the op cant even talk to his professor he should not be given the degree UNTIL he has shown progress in the way of social anxiety. not to sound mean but it sounds like the op is not going to be achieving the grades necessary to graduate without working on his professor approaching skills. it sounds like hes struggling and he may be intelligent and smart but if he doesnt ask for helpo he might not get his degree by ''passing his classes' even if he doesnt technically need to be approachable to get his degree. thats my opinion.

now i will stfu, =p.


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## randomguy (Sep 19, 2009)

Emerald3 said:


> Does anyone ever feel like they are struggling to understand the work set at university, but just can't bring themselves to ask for help?


Yes. The way I try to deal with it is to "develop a tolerance for uncertainty" in other words, force myself to keep observing the thing I don't understand and after many hours it will sometimes reveal itself. I know that's not the real solution but it gets me through sometimes. Failing that, try swapping around your tutorials (if you have them) to find a tutorial that is pretty empty, and see if you can find an appropriate time to ask the tutor. Computer labs are better for this because it's much more informal, plus the attention is off you and on the computer screen... although that's more specific to IT courses.


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## meowgirl (Aug 24, 2009)

Beryl said:


> I hate being mean, especially on these forums, kind of feels like kicking someone when they are down, but STFU rctriplefresh, anyone who wants a degree should be free to pursue one, regardless of SA. A degree signifies you passed your classes and earned it.
> 
> Im not doing so great in college either, its my third year also, and before this year I had never gone to office hours. I still never ask questions in lecture. Sometimes in lab i can ask small questions when the TA is walking around tryin to help ppl, but this is something I kind of learned to do somehow.
> 
> ...


*secretly admires bravery* ~_~


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## utopian_grrl (Jun 26, 2008)

Sometimes I have trouble approaching some of my professors, but as much as I hate it, it's best to force yourself to do it. I'd recommend sitting near the front of the class throughout the semester so they get comfortable seeing you. You'll also feel more alert and involved. If you have no motivation, then go to the university rec center and exercise until you're tired. It might make you physically tired, but it can definitely make your mind more focused.

And while it is best to have a handle on SA to prepare for the real world, I don't think it's fair to say that the OP shouldn't get a degree until they conquer the SA. A college degree does not mean that the recipient is able to function in the real world. Do you know how many people cheat in class and barely get by JUST because they are charming and able to get the answers/notes from others? Let's face it, sometimes a degree means that one has a handle on their studied subject. Other times it means: I went to college and...now I can get a better job.


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## Judi (Jun 22, 2009)

Can you talk to your lecturers or tutes in private? That's what I do when I can't grasp the subject well enough. Ask them something like if you could see your past exam, ask them to explain where you went wrong and how to could improve, etc.


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