# Going to a club/bar alone?



## NoWords

I'm pretty much desperate for company... it sucks. I really think I'd do better in just about anything if I had friends to pull me out of this dead state. Something like a club is the only thing I could fit in my schedule... can't and don't want to join groups. 

i went by myself once to a really small party and it was just awful...couldn't move. The people there were awkward though, I chose a bad party. I could go to another place... I've been saying that for 2 months and the social situation is just getting worse. Every week I say "ok, screw everything, this week I'm going" and then when the day comes I'm very stressed and give it up. I don't think I have much to lose and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I want to try more.

So, has anyone ever pulled off going to a party alone? Or just doing better than expected in a club? I'm both stressed and excited to go and meet new people. But when I really think about it... I get in and what? I sit by the bar? What if I'm not approached by no one? I don't have a car, I have to wait till the morning when the bus comes. Last time was hellish but it wasn't a good example. What do you say?


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## tednugent2007

No, I went to a club once with friends. Ended up sitting on the couch with one of my friends most of the time chilling out. If I went alone I'm not sure what would happen. If I had 4 shots maybe I could talk to someone.


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## shyvr6

I wouldn't go to a party or club by myself unless I was social. If you're not social you're going to stand out like a sore thumb because your either going to be standing or sitting alone all night. Clubs you could get away with it easier because you can dance all night if you want and if it's crowded you'll be next to someone by the bar all night.


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## millenniumman75

I went to a club alone....four times. I'd never do it again. There's a lot of not-so-nice people in those places!

I'd pick far safer locations, that's for sure :yes


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## Anon7

NoWords said:


> I'm pretty much desperate for company... it sucks. I really think I'd do better in just about anything if I had friends to pull me out of this dead state. Something like a club is the only thing I could fit in my schedule... can't and don't want to join groups.
> 
> i went by myself once to a really small party and it was just awful...couldn't move. The people there were awkward though, I chose a bad party. I could go to another place... I've been saying that for 2 months and the social situation is just getting worse. Every week I say "ok, screw everything, this week I'm going" and then when the day comes I'm very stressed and give it up. I don't think I have much to lose and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I want to try more.
> 
> So, has anyone ever pulled off going to a party alone? Or just doing better than expected in a club? I'm both stressed and excited to go and meet new people. But when I really think about it... I get in and what? I sit by the bar? What if I'm not approached by no one? I don't have a car, I have to wait till the morning when the bus comes. Last time was hellish but it wasn't a good example. What do you say?


Hey,

You can definitely pull off going to a club alone. Here's the thing though, you have to go for the right reasons. If you want to meet people, and that's all you want, you probably won't have a good time. If you are going just to meet people, you are putting control in other people's hands. You have to want to have a good time. If you get nervous about the idea, then you aren't in the right mindset to go, because you're doing something you don't want to do. You have to take out the variables that make you afraid.

In everything you do you should have a reason for it that does not involve anyone but you. So, if your goal was to dance like crazy, you could easily accomplish that and have a good time. The ironic thing is, once you get your happiness from what you have control over, that's when people start to pay attention to you... but you can't give them control.

There should never be winning and losing in your head, because those things don't really exist in life. All there is is living, and if you are happy or miserable. Choose to be happy, because you never know when you're going to die. I think accepting death is a big thing too. You don't get to keep your trophies, whatever they are, once you die 

Just have a good time, however you want to.


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## NoWords

Thanks for the replies. The first few comments put me back on planet Earth, who am I kidding... I get very anxious about things like presentations, appearing on a yearbook..and going to a club in the past has been awful (and I went sober). It's sooo far fetched to think I could pull off a club, and alone... HA. 

Anon7, your comment got me to think about it again just slightly differently. What you say is very true... I can't just go and expect to meet people like I'm suddenly a social person when I'm really not. If I was about dancing... sure. But I'm not, basically I'm just retarded when it comes to clubs. The most basic things are not clear to me: how do you dance? who do I dance to? By myself? What direction? Last time I felt like all eyes were on me and I tried my hardest to make a move but felt so ridiculous alone (and not just because I was alone) so I just left the place, incredibly mad at myself. It's all about the mindset, I know, but my mindset is not the healthiest. Trying hard to change that as you can see... I don't know.  Besides, club situations are a nightmare for people with SA... So other than making friends, my other goal is to just try to defeat SA to a degree. It's so hard to do but I'd feel so much better if I could ever pull off clubs. Maybe I could drink, although that won't be a true "victory"... I'm dying to get past this incredible sense of emptiness but the ways to do that are pretty impossible. A job could do but I'm too busy with school which I dread.


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## shyvr6

I don't mind going to clubs. Most of the time it's dark so you can blend in pretty easy. Dancings not so bad as long as you don't go crazy if you don't know how to dance. Just stay in your space, dance in whatever direction you want, and don't worry about the other people. When you start thinking they're watching you is when you start to get self concious and don't enjoy yourself. Just go with the flow and have a good time.

I don't think it's that great of a place to make friends. Most people are just there to get drunk, party, and hookup with someone if they're lucky. Your best bet is to hang around a group of guys who are looking to get drunk and try and join in with them. If they like you they might invite you after the club to hang out with them at another bar, and that's where you'll establish a relationship. If you're lucky you'll see them again next week and do the same, except they'll probably ask if you want to hang out more which can lead to a friendship out of the club scene. It's a long shot, but that's probably your best bet with just trying to make a friend.


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## AndyLT

When i was still at school, i remember, going to a bar alone occasionally used to be pretty fun.
I would drink a glass of wine, smoke a few cigarettes... life went quite smoothly then. :yes


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## NoWords

shyvr6 said:


> I don't mind going to clubs. Most of the time it's dark so you can blend in pretty easy. Dancings not so bad as long as you don't go crazy if you don't know how to dance. Just stay in your space, dance in whatever direction you want, and don't worry about the other people. When you start thinking they're watching you is when you start to get self concious and don't enjoy yourself. Just go with the flow and have a good time.
> 
> I don't think it's that great of a place to make friends. Most people are just there to get drunk, party, and hookup with someone if they're lucky. Your best bet is to hang around a group of guys who are looking to get drunk and try and join in with them. If they like you they might invite you after the club to hang out with them at another bar, and that's where you'll establish a relationship. If you're lucky you'll see them again next week and do the same, except they'll probably ask if you want to hang out more which can lead to a friendship out of the club scene. It's a long shot, but that's probably your best bet with just trying to make a friend.


I actually planned to refrain completely from dancing. Tried once and then locked myself in the bathroom trying to calm down and come out looking normal, failed dancing again and just went home feeling really bad. I was supposed to wait for the morning to get a bus but I couldn't get through it... I called a taxi and paid like $50 just to get home and get this nightmare over with. I was also on the couch for a while acting like I'm oh so busy with the phone. My expression isn't very inviting.

Now that I'm older I can go to the bar instead of the couch but it's stil odd to me. If I wasnt self-conscious and anxious about dancing (I'm mostly stiff faced which makes it so hard not to think of how I'm percieved) then I'd just dance and wait until I'm approached. I'd need a lot of booze to get over myself and dance. It really is far fetched though to think I'll meet a group of friends and socialize with them... but maybe if I meet one person, they can show me their friends or something like that. Ugh...

Thanks for the advice.


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## shyvr6

Maybe it's the clubs you're going to. I'm used to going to the ones that are pretty packed, so no one really notices how you dance cause there's hardly any room to dance to begin with. I agree though, it takes some liquid courage to let yourself go fully, but I think that's just part of the experience, lol. Letting yourself go and having fun.


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## Opie

Most of the people going to clubs/bars are single. So I see no problem of going alone. You can at first maybe just hang around and watch, and then as you get comfortable with time, you can attempt talking to girls. I recommend reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss or even the "Mystery Method" or David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" series etc...


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## WineKitty

In Vegas its perfectly acceptable to go to bars alone. You have to hide yourself in Video Poker though which can end up costing a fortune. I have seen many people alone at bars in Vegas, and I have even done it.


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## gozinsky

Clubs seem like fun, but are very terrifying. The terror. :afr ops :no


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## 2escape

I went to a club in New Orleans with my brother. I thought it would be okay since I was far from home and would never see any of the people ever again. I couldn't even move. I felt so out of place. I would love to step outside of myself and just let go like I see so many people do, but I've come to realize it may not be within me to do that. I don't think I could ever walk in a place like that alone.


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## syphilitic_monarch

I don't think they are a very good place to develop social skills. They are very loud and people aren't interested in meaningful conversation.


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## kcd88

my one friend always tryed to get me to go to the club with her... but i would never go. or i would ALMOST go.. get pretty close to going.. and then chicken out and the last minute because of my anxiety. then one time she just talked me into it and of course.. well the alcohol pre funking before hand talked me into just going and getting it over with as well... i dont know if i wouldnt of ever gone to the club if i hadnt of had a few drinks before hand... but oh well.. i ended up going.. having a GREAT time.. dancing the night away and then going the next night also. this was a few months ago.. havent gone since. i cant imagine going sober. the thought of it still scares the **** out of me. but its a nice feeling knowing that i did something and put myself in an enviorment that i never thought i would before... kudos to the alcohol and a good friend


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## ~AJ~

Ok get this

I used to go to clubs and just dance, but i didnt understand the purpose of dancing. it made no sense, unless i was excersizing or trying to demonstrate to the opposite sex that my body is functioning properly(like so many girls seem to like doing :banana )

so eventually I thought ill do something more fun, I went right into the middle of the dance floor and stood absolutely still like i was in the army. and I just stood there and stayed to see how long i could do it for. Most people didnt do anything, two girls seemed to be upset and were signally for me to do something, but i couldnt hear them.

That got boring eventually, so then I started going to this salsa bar. There, they actually gave free salsa lessons and the music was at a volume where people can still communicate. 

So i did the salsa lessons, and then just sat down on a stool and watched others dance, and a woman came and asked me to dance, so i did, and its hard to lead when you have SA, cause I was constantly worrying that Im doing it wrong(which is stupid, since its just dancing). But then after, I just smiled at her and went back to sitting by myself. I didnt say a word to her, blah

Then someone went and burned the place down


so now im gona try going again, to another salsa bar, but this time im just going to get drunk. Ive usually just gotten water :spit 
and when i did get alchohol, it didnt work, so im gona try it again


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## CopadoMexicano

Opie said:


> I recommend reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss or even the "Mystery Method" or David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" series etc...


I heard the gme is a good read but god do I regret studying double your dating programs just basically back fired in the city I live in.


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## Jay-T

I've done it a few times. Always pre-gamed pretty heavily beforehand though. Crowded is good. It's easier to blend and nobody will notice that you're by yourself. I always try to keep moving, upstairs, downstairs, and keep goin back for more drinks. You can always just roam through the dance floor without actually dancing, pretending like you have somewhere to go but not actually going anywhere. Once I'm drunk enough I'll even talk to girls buying drinks at the bar


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## Breathe

When I was living in a different town for a job I was feeling like I wanted to go out. I'm a girl though AND alcohol definately makes me more social. I ended up having an okay time. I met a guy and went on a date with him later that week. I feel like things fizzled out with him partly because I wasn't honest about being there alone (telling him initially at the bar "my friends left me"). He wasn't that great anyways ;-)..All in all, I would say it may be more difficult for a guy to just go out to a bar/club and meet people than for a girl. Good luck if you decide to give it a try...


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## Peace99

Diva said:


> When I was living in a different town for a job I was feeling like I wanted to go out. I'm a girl though AND alcohol definately makes me more social. I ended up having an okay time. I met a guy and went on a date with him later that week. I feel like things fizzled out with him partly because I wasn't honest about being there alone (telling him initially at the bar "my friends left me"). He wasn't that great anyways ;-)..All in all, I would say it may be more difficult for a guy to just go out to a bar/club and meet people than for a girl. Good luck if you decide to give it a try...


In gereral it's tougher for guys to meet girls than vice versa.


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## forinter

Well i've been in your situation and i know it sucks. i was always thinking of what "the other people are gonna say"

the problem with me was that nobody of my friends wanted to go to a club, and personally i love dancing. So i decided to go alone. The good thing is that a met some good people and i am now going with them. My opinion is that you should try it.

http://www.goingoutalone.com might appear useful to you as well.

Remember to Have Fun whatever you do!


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## vr2oso

First of all, if you have time to go to a bar/club then you have time to go to a bookstore, coffeehouse, etc... bar/clubs generally are seen as the most stressful places to go if you have social difficulties so why not start out in a more comfortable environment?

However, either way if you're a social phobic like us, then it's all pretty stressful. For me, the best way to overcome this was to take baby steps. For example, I'd start of going a bar alone and my only goal was just to stay there for an hour, then two, until I could comfortably stay there a whole night. 

The next time I'd make an attempt to make eye contact with people, just for a second. That was the only goal.

The next time I'd say "hi" to people and that's it. Sometimes it would start a conversation.

Keep progressing in small steps...

You'll see that most people will either not notice you, be polite and say "hi" back, or whatever. Yes there are some losers out there that will give you a hard time, but just be polite and courteous and they'll look like the unconfindent jerks. 

It's about baby steps. You can't expect to be Don Juan right away if you can't do it in your own life... 

And keep drinking to a minimum... the last thing you want is to attach confidence with alcohol!


Celebrate the little victories ignore the setbacks and have patience... 

Good Luck


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## yakubu

NoWords said:


> I'm pretty much desperate for company... it sucks. I really think I'd do better in just about anything if I had friends to pull me out of this dead state. Something like a club is the only thing I could fit in my schedule... can't and don't want to join groups.
> 
> i went by myself once to a really small party and it was just awful...couldn't move. The people there were awkward though, I chose a bad party. I could go to another place... I've been saying that for 2 months and the social situation is just getting worse. Every week I say "ok, screw everything, this week I'm going" and then when the day comes I'm very stressed and give it up. I don't think I have much to lose and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I want to try more.
> 
> So, has anyone ever pulled off going to a party alone? Or just doing better than expected in a club? I'm both stressed and excited to go and meet new people. But when I really think about it... I get in and what? I sit by the bar? What if I'm not approached by no one? I don't have a car, I have to wait till the morning when the bus comes. Last time was hellish but it wasn't a good example. What do you say?


ive went out a few times alone and found it extremly uncomfortble and awkward.

one time i was sitting on this stool next to the dance floor just sipping away at this bottle of bacardi breezer. everyone else is dancing, talking together with their friends etc.... and im just sitting there. i had nothing to do but sit there. i couldnt just approach a group and say ''hey'' cos that would be a bit inapproprite. if i was out with a group of mates and this total stranger just came over i think id avoid them as much as possible.

anyway i just sat there for over an hour and this gril approached me and sed ''are you ok? are you waiting for someone or something ?'' . from that comment it was painfully obvious that i stook out like a sore thumb and looked a bit strange


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## Want2Bconfident

I thought about going to a nightclub by myself a while ago because it is the sort of place you could meet someone of the opposite sex but I didn't bother in the end. But, I must say no one would know you are there by yourself. If someone in the queue asked if you were by yourself you could say 'I am meeting some friends inside', and once you are inside no one would know as people go to the bars to get a drink when they want a drink and many people don't bother going on the dance floor so you could say my friends are over there but don't feel like dancing yet. So really it is a good place to go by yourself, no one will know youare there by yourself. I mean I used to go to nightclubs a lot with friends and I wouldn't have a clue if someone there was by themselves. So I think its a good idea going to nightclubs by oneself if you want to party a bit and maybe meet someone of the opposite sex. I don't think its a good place to make friends though as men do not like start chatting up other men and getting friendly like that.


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## Lonelyguy

I've done it several times over the years but it's not an enjoyable experience. I forced myself into it for exposure, but I always ended up sitting in the corner alone watching everyone else talking and enjoying themselves. Often times I would be on the verge of tears when I left because I was so frustrated that I couldn't talk to anyone. I'd much rather go to a movie alone, at least there you're not expected to socialize so it's a much more comfortable setting.


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## howard26

i've done it a few times a long time ago. it was only to see bands, and not to socialize. i think i've developed a phobia with enclosed places with strangers. I remember the last time i did it, i was sweating alot, and every time i looked around, it seemed like everyone was looking at me. screw that, heh heh. i ain't doing that no mo. Also, for some reason, i can't relax in a fine dining setting. I just feel awkward, like i have ants in my pants. I don't like being waited on, leaving tips, acting proper, or dressing up. BUT, if i go to a buffet, i'm fine.


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## new shoes

i'm going tonight with a couple friends, so it's not exactly alone. but still, they've both gone clubbing before, this is my first time, and i'm so nervous!!! they'll be here in an hour, and i'm not going to be bogus and cancel at the last minute. besides, i know a few weeks ago, i went to a concert, and was scared before i went, but of course, everyone focuses on the stage so it was easier. whereas with this one, i feel like since a lot of guys are on the 'lookout', i'll get picked up by some creepy, drunk dude. and all i know, is i'm def. not looking for dudes in the club. though i'm sure in a few hours when all is said and done, i'll be taking a big sigh of relief and be glad that i got it over with. i've gone to bars before, but they were smaller ones and u get to sit down, but this one seems different since it's an actual club. i know though that this is one of my biggest fears (besides speeches), so once i get through this, then i can do anything =)


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## ecstasy

That would be a death sentence for me!! That's what I fear the most.


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## _AJ_

i dont know, Ive noticed that going to the club is pretty much the same thing as going to the mall.

no one tries to be friends with me, just like the mall
no one tries to hit on me, just like the mall
theres a bunch of people, just like the mall
theres people talking to each other, just like the mall
if I wanna meet anyone, I gotta go up to them and I gotta lead the whole damn conversation, just like the mall
someone is always trying to sell you something, just like the mall

the only real differences between the club and the mall is: its easier to hear at the mall, easier to see at the mall, people are dancing in clubs, alchohol being served in clubs, and at the mall you can get something useful while your there

in fact, now that i think of it, the night club is pretty much the same thing as being on a street with other people


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## TheRob

Aside from social anxiety, that's my biggest problem at clubs - because of the music I can't hear anyone talking, unless they yell into my ear.


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## dav1

yea i totaly do not recomend going to a club alone, first off a little background, I used to be in the army and when I was in the army I always had a pack of friends to go to the club with. But im out of the army now and living back home and do not have any friends here. Im a guy and I would never go to a club alone hence I do not go out much. but its for the better. If you try going to a club alone, at least around here in NJ anyway, you are going to have too many things to worry about and you are very likely to end up in a bad situation that will make you wish you never went. Unless you are a huge intimidating dude, you are going to #1 have to worry about getting into a fight, people at these clubs like to start fights over nothing and alot of times do so for no other reason then for fun or to prove something to the pack of people they are there with. so if you get spotted as being some loner in a club there is a good chance people will try and start **** with you and just to make themselves look more badass infront of everyone else. #2 you will probably be the only person their alone in club full of gangs and cliques of guys/girls. clubbers are very sociopathic judgemental people and right off the bat if you get spotted the girls in the club are just going to think you are some loser , even if you good looking, people will wonder why this person has no friends to go to the club with and will wonder what you possibly seek to acomplish there. Lets say you get to talking with a girl there you like and there is another guy there with a pack of his friends and he wants the same girl more often than not the end result is going to be getting into a fist fight with his crew by yourself or just having to bite the bullet and lose the girl and then walk away lookng like an even bigger loser. People can be the rudest people, they will start asking you where your from and who you know and all that ****. and if your just like derrrr I dunno no one. everyone is just gonna look at you like you dont belong there and you end up wasting your money wishing u never went. another thing that can happen is that youll end up drinking too much to over come the anxiety and stepping on the wrong persons shoes or some **** and with no one to back you up your just gonna look like a punk or end up in a fight in wich case you get thrown out of the club and then probably jumped in the parking lot by the crew of the person you got into a fight with... TOTALY NOT WORTH GOING ALONE. like i said unless your so intimidating looking that no one will start **** with you.


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## Stargirl09

I went to a club alone, it was awful, not the club itself although it was pretty rank but the whole set-up.

I was supposed to meet 4 friends there and they stood me up so I was trotting around in my sisters borrowed heels shivering, the doors opened an hour later and I knew it was a wash-out but I had to get warm inside, they never did show up. The police were crawling the streets & cos I fancy them so much I had to make it work so I stayed as long as I could and left with two guys, the police saw me hug them bye before getting in the cab home.

Like most things in my life it was embarrassing. I was so angry at the cowardly other 4 who made me look like a complete loner.

If you're going to go then be ready to explain why you're alone when you get the inevitable looks and cheeky comments. Say anything thats convincing, your girlfriend left you but keep it light and ask if you can join them, you don't have to say much just go with the flow, do one challenge like join one girl on the floor for a dance.

Alot can happen in a nightclub, but it also stays in the club and sometimes forgotten next time.


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## dav1

night clubs are just bad in general, the are all owned and controlled by the maffia and they are pretty much nothing more then money traps. They get some fancy lights, big speakers and a liquor lisence and call themselves a club. They really are nothing more than a place for vanity driven sociopaths to show off to eachother and maybe pick up a drunk one night stand if you get lucky. If you want to meet a really good mate for a long term relationship.. a night club is not the place..yea ok so if you like dancing cool whatever thats fine im not hatin, i used to go to clubs all the time when I had people to go with, i've tried going alone once or twice, and one of those times i got into an argument and had a gun pulled on me and had to run, and the other time i just sat at the bar and was pretty much ignored by by everyone while i downed overpriced beers. the only time i have fun at clubs is when going with 4 or more people, because then you can actualy win fights and girls only like talking to crews of guys not just loner guys sitting by themselves trust me. clubs are a group thing that you do , if you dont have the friends dont go, it would be like jumping from a plane with no chute. instead try going to a local sports game or a show/concert , at least that way you have a good excuse to sit in seat by yourself and look/fell involved in the entertainment. and u can always get up and socialize if you want to or talk to the people around you about the game/show. thats a much better option IMO.


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## pita

I've seen guys by themselves at clubs. Usually they're these phenomenal dancers who sort of float around the room impressing/amusing ladies.

I went to a nightclub with my sisters, and at one point both of them were dancing with dudes so I just sort of went and danced by myself. It was awkward. Then some old guy tried to teach me how to dance properly (like partner dance), which was also awkward.

I prefer bars to clubs, but I feel like it would be harder to blend in at a bar if you were alone. At the same time, I think being at a bar by yourself would be more fun than being at a club, even if you did look like some lonely alcoholic.


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## dav1

thats the other thing, bars are only a little less worse than clubs to go alone, because you do and will look like a lonely alcoholic, me personaly I am quite content with looking like a lonely alcoholic BYMYSELF ..lol..(i crack myself up some times) but yea seriously if you gonna be a lonely alcoholic you should naturally NOT want anyone to see you ..lol.. its not a turn on for girls thats for sure..girls are shallow like that, they will most likely be there with some friends and 1 or more of their big mouth friends will open their mouth and cock-block the situation because you are by yourself. the only thing about a bar is that you can get away with going to a bar with just 1 other person and not look like a loser, remember with a club u need like 4 ppl. also with a bar if u must go by yourself you can always pretend that your there for the game or maybe order a platter and act like you there to eat then just hang around afterwards. fights happen in bars but not the same like in clubs, chances are your not gonna get into a fight at a bar for just chilling and minding your own business, where at a club you might. bar fights usually happen over sports arguments or some drunk guy hitting on another guys girl. but once again bars/clubs not the best place to meet women, especialy not being alone, bars are good for getting drunk at and watching a free pay-per-view, or downing a few cold ones during happy hour, which brings me to happy hour, HH is probably the best time to go to a bar if you gonna go because it looks like your just a savvy guy going for the dollar drafts and you get there before the night crowd comes in so your not that guy that gets there all late and akwardly sits at the last bar stool by yourself , thats another trick too, as long as you get to somewhere first and are already in a place before people get there, they are less likely to think strange of you for being alone, they dont know if you were previously with people or waiting on people or what.


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## STKinTHEmud

I go to a bar myself every now and then when there is live music playing (never been to a club alone, though). I get the sense that when guys go to bars alone, people think they might be creeps (heard this in a conversation with female friends), but when girls do it, it's welcome, though potentially dangerous. I usually keep to myself and have a few drinks when I do.


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## societe anonyme

STKinTHEmud said:


> I go to a bar myself every now and then when there is live music playing (never been to a club alone, though). I get the sense that when guys go to bars alone, people think they might be creeps (heard this in a conversation with female friends), but when girls do it, it's welcome, though potentially dangerous. I usually keep to myself and have a few drinks when I do.


Yup - I'd only go if there was a band I wanted to see.

The rest of the time (for me at least), it's far too embarrassing to be the loser with no friends (which means I don't meet people, which means I have no friends to go to bars and clubs with)...:lurk


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## dav1

yup its a vicious cycle, although may i suggest joining a volunteer fire dept, or something like that. if you get in good with a place that has comradery your almost golden when it comes to having friends to go out with.


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## John56

*Going to Clubs*

Hey man just go for it u have nothing to lose. You'll never know until u try and don't listen anybody that says something negative. The only reason they say that stuff is because their to chicken to try it themselves. So I encourage u to go out and meet as many people as u can and just have fun doing it. I've been in your shoes and it has gotten better for me. though it hasn't been easy u just gotta try and does't matter if u look stupid or not because most the time other people are worried about themselves. Eventually one day you'll be able to talk to anybody.


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## Lone Raccoon

think about this all the time, but If I go in and just stand around lazy and scared, it would be pointless and negative exp for me. No one like some random guy alone stiff and neverous off to side. A drink or two would get me dancing but it sucks to dance alone!


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## CotLem

I was thinking of going alone tonight but I'm terrified. I feel like I've made progress with SA but little things tend to do big damage to my self confidence. Like if I go and get laughed at for whatever reason or being look at my funny I'll be depressed for the rest of the night. It doesn't help that I have no dancing skills. 

I just want to go to say I've done it and to have the experience. I'll probably end up watching the Big Bang Theory or CSI...*sighs*


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## Joe G

As a club manager I would say go for it. Most people that walk into the club I work at don't know each other. If you sit at the bar it's usually the bartender that is doing most of the talking. It's their job to make you feel welcomed and to engage you in conversation. Besides the bartender we have strippers who are all over the guys. Be careful with the dancers they will make you feel like #1 until your money runs out.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1

millenniumman75 said:


> I went to a club alone....four times. I'd never do it again. There's a lot of not-so-nice people in those places!
> 
> I'd pick far safer locations, that's for sure :yes


Ya, I remember going once and all fo these huge buff hawaiian guys were going aroudn trying to start fights. Twas intimidating to say the least!


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## JohnCrichton1812

I'm thinking about going tonight (alone of course, as I have no one).

I don't know though... I know I just won't end up doing anything/approaching any women... and I also know that's a bad attitude, but... gah, oh well.

I'm gonna take some Xanax even though the few times I've taken it in the past it's done dick.


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## GrowingOut

I have recovered from social anxeity however now I struggle with desire to be around others. So with that said I have some insight on this subject.

1. plenty of people go alone (more men then women but women do as well).
2. Practice social skills outside of the bar. The bar is like heavy weight stuff. So much sensory overload with music, lights, attractive people (by the way lights and music are done to make you want to drink more).
3. There is a chance you will meet someone who wants to go back rather than someone like yourself so with that look for others who are not being overly social.


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## GrowingOut

I want to add (hopefully not as a downer) but once you get over social anxeity like me you will have to go thru another phase of wanting to be around others. It might seem you want to now, but you find yourself around other who want to continue to socialize it can be draining.


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## RonBurgundy

I think if you go out with the right frame of mind, you can conquer any situation whether it be bar, club etc. The problem is I can't relax and feel like a loser going out alone so I am screwed before I walk into the front door. 
All the anxiety comes rushing back, no matter how hard I prepare or how many deep breathing phuckin excersizes I do. 

If you are a winner and successful socially, you will automatically find a way to fit in with the crowd even going alone ANYWHERE, I just don't think I fit that description.

First conquer your shyness/S.A., THEN go out alone to clubs/bars. 

Whenever I went with friends, they always ended up hooking up with girls or getting lost in the crowd so I ended up alone anyway. That being said, I can't go out alone and don't recommend it unless you have a carefree attitude about the situation. Otherwise, you are wasting time, money, causes anxiety and you feel worse at the end of the night than when you stayed home.


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