# Do you feel emotionally immature for your age?



## GroupHug

I'm 22.

Intellectually I feel 22, and I don't necessarily obviously "act" or speak like I'm immature for my age. I can hold a conversation with someone and not come across as a complete man-child...at least that's what I tell myself when not feeling insecure.

I feel much younger, though, and emotionally I feel as if I didn't really grow up. I have the emotional world of 14 year old (and my therapist agrees). Luckily, puberty isn't making that worse.

I think a lot of it has to do with having little real world experiences.

I started having some very major depressive episodes when I was 13, and that's when a combination of that and anxiety compelled me to basically stay away and detached from the world and pretty much always stay where I felt safe - at home.

I didn't make friends or grow in my interpersonal skills, I was shy around girls....so I never matured in that area (every time a woman flirts with me, I can't even explain the total lack of knowing what to do, the shock that it's even happening to me, and the awful feeling that I'm in some different league from every single one of them because of my immaturity), I never really learned to be very independent and leaned very much on my parents (I still live at home) to help me emotionally and financially.

I didn't _do_ the things a growing kid needs to do to grow.

I'm taking small steps to become more independent instead of being lazy (riding the bus or walking, buying my own groceries, etc.), but I'm very hesitant in making friends my age or even seriously thinking about women (fully grown, mature, and insanely intimidating *women*! There are no more girls. A woman who had to at least be in her 40's flirted with me recently. Jesus.) because I feel as if I can't relate to "the adult world".

Does anyone else feel the same?


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## tehuti88

Yes, I'm the same. I'm 36, and have some of the intelligence and mental aspects of an adult, but I've had so little real-world experience and whatnot that I feel very stunted. I still have childish emotions and reactions and a rather childish (though jaded) worldview. Not to mention my interests and how goofily enthusiastic I get about them. I spend much of my time daydreaming about my characters and such, similar to how I pretended to be them when I was little. I feel like I got perpetually stuck around age twelve or so, the last time I was truly happy and right before my SA kicked in. I could never make it on my own. (Forget any possibility of a relationship!







)

Even in my dreams I'm almost always still a student and younger than I am IRL. :/


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## No Name

Yup, still 12 years old in social situations.


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## minimized

For sure, my emotional age must be in the single digits. I think I can understand why people try to recapture childhood.


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## getsomeair

I don't know. 

I definitely can't relate to other "adults", but I don't think that's what maturity is about. Sometimes I react in some way to something and feel that it's rather childish, and usually that reaction is Do Not Want To. 

But I think maturity really has to do with self control and learning to treat others like you want to be treated (which is hard for socially awkward people, because we want to be accepted and included deep down but it's hard to do what it takes to achieve it, such as sometimes Starting conversations and Saying Hi First). Having done this or that, or knowing how to hold a conversation, isn't what maturity is about. Maturing s a process and there are different grades of maturity and the grades can be different in different aspects. 

Sure, I question my own maturity when I see people act all "grown-uppy" so effortlessly... And by "grown-uppy" I really mean Not Cripplingly Awkward as if Their Head is Boiling. But the truth is, a crippling level of anything isn't normal for any age. 

Am I getting off topic again? It tends to happen.


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## Sadok

The opposite.I'm 16 , and my peers say that i behave like a 40 year old.


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## inerameia

Yea. Sometimes I feel like a cry baby. It's sad. I feel overwhelmed by things like socializing which is supposed to be primal, it makes me feel incompetent. My intellect seems mature, but my social and emotional skills are terribly underdeveloped. 

I had depressive episodes and anxiety around 13 as well. I played video games A LOT to cope. That was my escape from my miserable life.

My close friend said I'm like an adult because I got interested in adult things instead of teen things. But I'm also very sensitive and anxious in social situations


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## NoHeart

I've got no emotions.


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## Robert Paulson

I'm emotionally immature in the sense that I'm anxious around others; in the same way that a toddler may be anxious around strangers. But as far as other aspects of emotional maturity go, I wouldn't consider myself immature.

I think you're giving a bit too much credit to "normal" people's emotional maturity. Think of how many adults get in petty squabbles in bars, how many people are nearly driven to fist fights over road rage, how emotionally reactive many people get in regard to certain political issues. The average adult, in some way or another, occasionally lets their emotions control their thoughts and actions.

Emotional maturity is partly about control over your emotions, approaching life with a healthy dose of reason and rational thought. This is one aspect of maturity where many adults fail.


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## Robert Paulson

Another thing to think about is the average 14-year old's maturity. When I was in middle school, "yo momma" and "saywhatifyou'regay" jokes were super common. Many kids teased each other and misbehaved in class. How often do you act or think like that? When you hear someone is gay, do you think "eeew gross"?

I'm not saying your emotional maturity is perfect, but I think you could give yourself more credit. You seem well-spoken and somewhat reasonable, much more than the typical teen. I would consider what you describe more as "emotionally abnormal" rather than "emotionally immature."


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## GroupHug

Robert Paulson said:


> Another thing to think about is the average 14-year old's maturity. When I was in middle school, "yo momma" and "saywhatifyou'regay" jokes were super common. Many kids teased each other and misbehaved in class. How often do you act or think like that? When you hear someone is gay, do you think "eeew gross"?
> 
> I'm not saying your emotional maturity is perfect, but I think you could give yourself more credit. You seem well-spoken and somewhat reasonable, much more than the typical teen. I would consider what you describe more as "emotionally abnormal" rather than "emotionally immature."


Good point.

I think I'm mostly just inexperienced and concerned with that.

You don't really learn and grow too much if you don't put yourself out there and go out into the world, and I feel like I haven't matured in that respect.


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## tehuti88

Sadok said:


> I'm 16










!

Aaannnnd...I feel even more immature right now. ;_;

Seriously...I see 15 and 16 year olds on this forum who are a whole lot more mature than I ever will be!


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## Sadok

tehuti88 said:


> !
> 
> Aaannnnd...I feel even more immature right now. ;_;
> 
> Seriously...I see 15 and 16 year olds on this forum who are a whole lot more mature than I ever will be!


I haven't seen anything immature coming from you so i don't know why would you say that.Though , no one will ever have your unique way of writing.That is something that you should be extremely proud of!


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## Robert Paulson

GroupHug said:


> Good point.
> 
> I think I'm mostly just inexperienced and concerned with that.
> 
> You don't really learn and grow too much if you don't put yourself out there and go out into the world, and I feel like I haven't matured in that respect.


Yeah, definitely. Same here. The lack of socializing has made me "socially immature." I don't know what to say or how to say it.

From your first post, it sounds like you have the same problem. You mention the fear you get from not knowing how to talk to women. You also mention you feel you can't relate to the "adult world." A lack of relationships with others would be emotionally devastating for anyone, regardless of their emotional maturity. Your feelings of dependency and sadness are completely normal and within reason when you look at it from that angle.

Therefore, I'd say that your social maturity/ anxiety is really the culprit here, and not your emotional maturity. That's not to say you're necessarily "emotionally mature"; it could be argued that social anxiety is itself a state of emotional immaturity (although I wouldn't argue that). I'm just saying that from what you describe, your emotions seem within the bounds of "normal."


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## renegade disaster

yes in some ways. but maybe emotionally immature in a different way to how you described. I have difficulty controlling the more intense emotions like feelings and anger, they just get out of control and I need to verbalise them.

any strong disharmony I feel in my body either physically but more often emotionally makes me act in rash ways, I can't think straight, act weird, physical manifestations like shaking, excess sweating, I just have difficulty keeping it all inside, it needs a release ,somewhere ,somehow. sometimes that's not always possible. i'm kind of envious of those that can act more mature with their strong emotions raging inside. the types that can keep a steely cool exterior while they are going to pieces inside. I don't really know if thats the best way to handle them (possibly not) but at least they don't have the problem of not being in control of them...


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## tehuti88

Sadok said:


> I haven't seen anything immature coming from you so i don't know why would you say that.Though , no one will ever have your unique way of writing.That is something that you should be extremely proud of!


I'm amazed because, honestly, it feels like every other post I type is beyond immature.







Thank you for the compliment.


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## Sabreena

A lot of the time it feels like I'm less mature than many of the people my age. I'm 16 and can't control my own emotions any better than your average 10 year old. I can't deal with stressful or awkward situations. Heck, I don't even know how to deal with it when a kid scrapes their elbow on the sidwalk. Also I'm financially and emotionally dependent on my parents because I have too many mental issues to separate myself from them. I can't even hold conversations with adults, let alone take on any actual responsibility.


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## GroupHug

Sabreena said:


> A lot of the time it feels like I'm less mature than many of the people my age. I'm 16 and can't control my own emotions any better than your average 10 year old. I can't deal with stressful or awkward situations. Heck, I don't even know how to deal with it when a kid scrapes their elbow on the sidwalk. Also I'm financially and emotionally dependent on my parents because I have too many mental issues to separate myself from them. I can't even hold conversations with adults, let alone take on any actual responsibility.


I know we pretty much all have this tendency, but I think you're being way too hard on yourself.


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## TryingMara

I relate to most of what you wrote OP. I feel behind my peers in every area, emotional maturity included. I'm familiar with that horrible feeling knowing you're not in the same league as anyone your age. It's one of the many things that keeps me from even trying to date or meet new people. Guys around my age have so much going for them..they're actual adults..men. I can't even use the word "woman" when referring to myself. I feel and live more like a teenager and I am so incredibly ashamed of that.


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## GreenRoom

This is what comes to mind when my therapist and I were talking about age and maturity. (Maslow's Hierarchy of needs)
I think I'm between yellow and green at the moment

*Sorry about the size*


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## Robert Paulson

I've always found it interesting that sex is considered a basic need alongside food and water


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## GreenRoom

Robert Paulson said:


> I've always found it interesting that sex is considered a basic need alongside food and water


Yeah, didn't see that. That seems like it shouldn't be in that tier


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## tehuti88

GreenRoom said:


> Yeah, didn't see that. That seems like it shouldn't be in that tier


I assume that means that it's considered a basic need in propagating the species, rather than a basic need that people have to experience in order to feel fulfilled...but I could be wrong, I'm not Maslow.







Just that that's the only way it makes sense to me...


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## Robert Paulson

But none of the other tiers are concerned primarily with the propagation of the species; it's about the needs of the individual. I think Maslow meant to say that if you don't have sex, you will literally die. Perhaps he was a sex addict. This is one of the greatest mysteries in history, and we may never know the answer.


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## anonymid

I don't think I'm emotionally immature . . . more like functionally immature.


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## Gracie97

I'm 15, but supposedly a "genius" and write and think like an adult, but to be honest I'm still a kid. I do stupid teenage things, but in ways I am more mature than most people my age. Some adults have commented I am wiser than people a lot older than me.
I have deep emotions, but I don't know if you could call them mature; there are still dangerous elements like obsession and infatuation, related to teenagers.


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## loneranger

GreenRoom said:


> This is what comes to mind when my therapist and I were talking about age and maturity. (Maslow's Hierarchy of needs)
> I think I'm between yellow and green at the moment
> 
> *Sorry about the size*


I think I am between Green and yellow.


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## Splash

I feel pretty much the same. I'm 19 though but I'm also autistic but it was 13 when I sort of got really depressed and anxious and stopped attending school and I became so afraid I didn't do anything now I don't have any experience and Im still just as anxious and afraid and not coping as I was when I was 13 so I feel I'm still sort of stuck there in my mind. I do go on buses myself now sometimes though but I stay within a very near area of my house and only go to places I know. I still get panic attacks and if people try talk to me I will respond only with short answers or just ignore them and run away because I dont know how to deal with it all. Really not good. Also I like alot of childish stuff I guess I mean I still get joy from going in toyshops etc. My parents don't mind it but when I think of my cousins(who i rarely see) but are similar age. I am so young in the head. Its frustrating but growing up scares me too. I don't want to grow up because of the different things your meant to do as a grown up and that makes me feel really unwell and lands me in hospital. I can't really cope with life I guess.


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## H8PPLNDGS

For sure. :evil:evil:evil:evil


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## Echodawn

*Feeling Immature*

Hey there. I'm a 21 year old female and am dealing with a lot of the same stuff.
One of the more important realizations I've had recently concerning this: Feeling mature isn't a trophy. It's a life long personal journey that everybody has to go on, and it's not over til you're dead. Everybody feels immature or not as in control as they wish they were sometimes, and everybody's working on that.

Trying to listen really hard when you're talking to someone, focusing on where they are coming from and what they are actually saying, and putting your own comments and opinions on hold, and slowing down as much as you can in interaction has proved for good results for me.

Also, if you have any problems with substance abuse, like me, working on those vices and conquering them can give you lots of personal confidence and physical dexterity/power in interaction.

Just remember, no matter how 'together' everybody else may seem from the outside, we are all just a bunch of scared animals trying to make it through our lives happily and safely.

Just being a good person, like having good intentions for yourself and for everybody, I think is the biggest sign of maturity.

Hope some of that helps, best wishes,

Emma


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## Echodawn

GreenRoom said:


> This is what comes to mind when my therapist and I were talking about age and maturity. (Maslow's Hierarchy of needs)
> I think I'm between yellow and green at the moment
> 
> *Sorry about the size*





GreenRoom said:


> Yeah, didn't see that. That seems like it shouldn't be in that tier


Thank you for this.
I also find it strange that sex is alongside water. Perhaps Maslow included it because in the literal sense, sex needed to occur at some point in time in order for you to exist and possess needs in the first place


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## Echodawn

Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenRoom 
Yeah, didn't see that. That seems like it shouldn't be in that tier



Echodawn said:


> Thank you for this.
> I also find it strange that sex is alongside water. Perhaps Maslow included it because in the literal sense, sex needed to occur at some point in time in order for you to exist and possess needs in the first place


---
And as strange as this may sound, I feel like this conversation mirrors the pyramid in that both of us have one foot in green, and the other foot in blue.


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## MrCerberus

That's me exactly sometimes. Thing is I gotta stop being lazy and do something. We all have to do something about it so we don't get this feeling again.


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## sonic431

Its more like the opposite for me. At about 12 my emotions and intellect were far beyond that of most of my peers. I don't want to sound arrogant, as I'm sure I do, but it is the truth.


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## Gus954

26 year old man child. Even my 16 year old nephew is more mature and responsible than me. He works/drives and has bunch of friends i dont have any of that


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## xisco

Yes I feel like a 15 year old kid sometimes, sometimes I feel like a drug addicted (I'm not on drugs) 40 year old due to my depression. These adults around me are telling me I have to think about my future!? I just want to eat apple jacks and watch cartoons all day.

I just got back into action figures after a 10 year haitus...
Although in my defense they are high quality collectibles and it says so on the box "this is not a toy, ages 15+"

Meh


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## 7th.Streeter

Yes, 22 feel 14


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## fauzdar65

I'm 20 and yes i have not have had many life experiences which most people my age have had, it is not all that bad. Its like, i'm uncorrupted by the society around me. When you're too sociable, you become shallow. You don't do a lot of thinking and introspection.
You just believe in the old and rotten ideologies the society has.
In fact i believe i'm more mature than them. I don't need 'friends' to complete me.Without them they cannot survive.The reason is simple.They are afraid to be alone.They have an addiction to 'others'. Their happiness is not free, its dependent on the presence of others.
I've learned to be happy with myself.If you can make me happy,very well. But i'll stay as happy if you leave. 
No wonder 'true friends' are so valued in this society.Movies,books,media everything shows how great friends are, and also if they leave, comes the grief. Rubbish.Bull****.
All these people need help.
Few years back, i left my old city and shifted. My family was so sad.Why? Because they were going to miss their friends,neighbors and what not. And i was so happy. The thrill of moving was just so awesome. Friends? I had a few friends in school, but that was no reason to be sad.I had a good time with them but, that's it. I never even told them i was leaving, just left.


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## Caterpillar13

TryingMara said:


> I relate to most of what you wrote OP. I feel behind my peers in every area, emotional maturity included. I'm familiar with that horrible feeling knowing you're not in the same league as anyone your age. It's one of the many things that keeps me from even trying to date or meet new people. Guys around my age have so much going for them..they're actual adults..men. I can't even use the word "woman" when referring to myself. I feel and live more like a teenager and I am so incredibly ashamed of that.


I can't use the term woman for myself either, and same as u said, men my age (27) are men, they act like men, n I say men, but me I feel like a 'girl' not a woman, I act like a teenager in so many ways, n live like one, n not a mature one!!


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## Justlittleme

yup. i would grow up if i was normal and accepted. but that's not going to happen for me.


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## Justlittleme

fauzdar65 said:


> I'm 20 and yes i have not have had many life experiences which most people my age have had, it is not all that bad. Its like, i'm uncorrupted by the society around me. When you're too sociable, you become shallow. You don't do a lot of thinking and introspection.
> You just believe in the old and rotten ideologies the society has.
> In fact i believe i'm more mature than them. I don't need 'friends' to complete me.Without them they cannot survive.The reason is simple.They are afraid to be alone.They have an addiction to 'others'. Their happiness is not free, its dependent on the presence of others.
> I've learned to be happy with myself.If you can make me happy,very well. But i'll stay as happy if you leave.
> No wonder 'true friends' are so valued in this society.Movies,books,media everything shows how great friends are, and also if they leave, comes the grief. Rubbish.Bull****.
> All these people need help.
> Few years back, i left my old city and shifted. My family was so sad.Why? Because they were going to miss their friends,neighbors and what not. And i was so happy. The thrill of moving was just so awesome. Friends? I had a few friends in school, but that was no reason to be sad.I had a good time with them but, that's it. I never even told them i was leaving, just left.


makes sense to me, i feel the same way.


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## SADtg

Sadok said:


> The opposite.I'm 16 , and my peers say that i behave like a 40 year old.


This^^^. I'm 15 and people always say I'm very mature. Not sure if that's a good thing though :blank


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## VeMuñeca

Not really. People tell me I act like a little girl, but I think I handle things very maturely.


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## Crimson Lotus

I have the emotional maturity of a particularly immature 10 year old.

I'm quite good and disguising that fact, however.


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## catfreak1991

Emotions are emotions. I don't think there is a mature or immature component to them. What you feel is what you feel.


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## lacrimosa138

I feel like a 5 year old emotionally :/ it sucks


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## Morumot

I don't feel young, I probably feel much older, however I am as sensitive as a five year old and have little experience.


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## bbarn

I do and friends sometime comment that i am acting like a child which makes it even worse. But they don't know the real me or person as i have not revealed that part to them nor intend to.


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## Boomaloom

Very. Im interested in politics/world affairs/history/culture and have no time for Harry Potter and the latest superhero film at the cinema, so I seem very mature to people. But the reality is I struggle to hold a conversation with many people my own age simply because I have so little of the experience they have. No one talks about my interests because normal people arent interested in abstract stuff which is irrelevant to their lives. They are interested in their jobs, their SO's, their kids. I have nothing to say on most of those so I feel like a 16 year old much of the time.


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## soulsurviver

I'm im my 40's, however, inside I feel like a frightened 5 year old. It doesn't help when people tell me I look about 16. No wonder people don't take me seriously


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## kamiledi15

Hello, I'm from Poland, so my english sometimes may be imperfect.
I feel the same as you. I'm 26 years old, but many people say that I look much younger - I'm rather short, I have only 160 centimeters. I also have very thick hair and a little childlish face. But I like sport, so my physical condition is very good, especially when I compare myself to other people at my age. 
I have also never grown mentally and I'm rather immature. I always preferred watching cartoons than normal movies, I listen to music targetted to kids. I love one polish tv programme also targetted to kids. My music idol is polish actress who performs independly for kids and adults, I already saw her 5 times both on her adult and child performances, I also have few autographs from her and photo with her. She also acts in polish dubbing of many, many cartoons. And she's doing this still since over 20 years. She is the polish speaking and singing voice for Barbie in Barbie movies since 2001.
Just like her, I never change. My taste of any kind is almost exactly the same as 15 years ago. I don't care about fashion, I dress myself the same as when i was the kid - jeans and t-shirts, I hate being elegant and I have the same haircut. I always liked and still like Mr Bean and Jackie Chan. When I was 7 years ago I created a character and I drew comics with this character. Few friends were doing it with me, but they matured and now, 19 years later, I'm still drawing these comics alone, I'm even planning on creating a computer game with this character. 
When i was a kid, with few friends we were recording audio casettes. These casettes and comics give me wonderful memories of my childhood. Now I have great, little dog, with which sometimes I'm recording crazy movies, but I never show it to anyone. This dog is already 10 years old and also never changes, still is in great shape. This dog is also very immature 
I don't have any friends. I have about 100 "friends" on Facebook, but last time, when I saw or talked with any of them was 5 years ago, with some of them over 16 years ago. Even on Facebook I never chat with anyone, because nobody wants to. I'm keeping it because I can see how they look like now, what is their work etc. 
From what I wrote you can assume that I am very childlish and need some therapy. It's not true - I finished studies, I have a job, in which I'm a receptionist and talk with patients and I don't have problem with it. Once a month I'm going to theatre. I'm not depressed or something, I'm rather happy with my life, but sometimes I feel a little lonely, when I'm coming back from work and am completely alone for the rest of the day. I'm not interested in fashion, politics, road accidents, typical music and movies, so I don't have anything to talk about with the others. In my neighbourhood there is nobody the same or even a little similiar to me. I don't tell anyone about what I wrote here, because in Poland these kind of people are considered as crazy and stupid. There is a polish My Little Pony forum, I registered there even if I'm not interested in MLP, but there are also immature people, so I hoped that I will find someone similiar to me, but even there I'm considered as a weirdo and nobody is interested in the things which interest me. When I'm in public I'm behaving differently, I'm behaving rather mature and serious, just I don't speak very much. 
I feel a little similiar to Michael Jackson, because he was also a little childlish, but the reasons for these were completely opposite than in my situation - he never had a childhood, so he wanted to get it back as an adult. I had a wonderful childhood and just don't want to throw it away.
Do you know any forum for people like me? Where I could speak about these kind of things with the others, not some psychological stuff, because I'm not looking for help, only for someone, who would be interested in similiar stuff and would like to talk about it.


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## kamiledi15

I can't edit my previous post. I forgot to add that I love Barbie movies. In Poland it slowly, very slowly begins to being normal when some adult man is watching My Little Pony, but watching Barbie movies as adult man still is still considered strange. But they are really beatiful, especially Barbie as Rapunzel. 
I like animals, I have a cat and a dog.


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## Charlieisnotcool

I'm 17 and sometimes I feel like a 5 years older.


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## Elad

i wouldnt say i'm emotionally immature anymore since i've been burned and learned, i'm much more guarded and keep perspective like i wouldn't in the past. what i am though is immature i guess. i like to have fun and joke, is that immaturity? i bet i come across immature because of my lowercase posts with disregard for punctuation.

maybe i do it on purpose though, maybes its a subtle joke on purpose so you read my posts in a disarming unassuming simplistic manner just so one day i'll write properly and blow your mind away. jokes. **** capslock


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## moloko

Yes, very much.



Callsign said:


> I deal with everything in a purely logical manner.


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