# I'm really selfish.



## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

Probably another reason why I'm alone and have no friends. 
I was reminded yesterday about my selfishness when this person told me "you only care about yourself don't you?" 
I respect this person. She's very mature and intelligent. 

Why am I so messed up? I guess all these years of being alone and doing everything alone has made me completely forget about others. She's right, I only really care about myself. 
I can't help it. I've haven't had real friends in years. How am I supposed to know or care about the needs of other people? 
I want friends but I don't really have feelings for other people. I don't care about other people. I only care about me, that's all I know how to do.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

dude, you're depressed. of course you only care about yourself. you're in a deep dark pit and the only one in it is you.

maybe try finding some easy but nice things you can do for the people around you. (maybe not your coworkers, idk, it might be fun to confuse them).

for example, sometimes i fold towels for my mom. takes 5 mins, but always makes me feel better.


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## Owlbear (Dec 3, 2015)

I've been called selfish many times, but on the flip side my friends consider me one of the more generous people they know. 

But if you do decide to be more helpful to people, don't go overboard. There's being nice, and then there's being taken advantage of. That's why so many of us need boundaries and need to know when to say no.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

From a normal psychosocial development perspective, your age group by nature, is focused on self. Not a criticism, just a normal thing.


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## bluehog9 (Nov 25, 2015)

Well, you know what they say about each person being the center of his or her universe; even the most caring, empathetic and selfless individuals have to take the time to care for themselves at some point or another to keep life in motion. 

I do acknowledge it is easy, however, to go through phases where one can come across as not seeming to care one bit about other's lives and feelings. Yes, this definitely can be prevalent when one is deep in a state of depression. This doesn't automatically mean the person labeled as selfish truly doesn't care about those he or she communicates with, it's just that perhaps there isn't much of a foundation in place for him or her to exercise such energy at that moment in time. Perhaps Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs comes into play? After all, it can be difficult to place time and energy into concern of others when you feel essentials are absent from your own life.

Also, I must stress that in my experience, being labeled as selfish is a common manipulation tactic people will use in attempt to instill guilt on a person they are currently at odds with. When intense arguments are engaged and raging, distressing emotions are in play, I find it's common for one side to try and make the other feel like garbage with a claim that he or she only exists for themselves, doesn't care about anyone else, and so on. This doesn't necessarily make it true! In fact, I've received this accusation several times from people that need to work on their selfish tendencies themselves. In summary, be mindful to potential manipulation when it comes to a label of being selfish.


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

What is the reason for being called selfish?.I really don't understand the point of this thread if u don't tell us that.


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## TheCanadian1 (Sep 14, 2009)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> What is the reason for being called selfish?.I really don't understand the point of this thread if u don't tell us that.


To call someone selfish is to point out that they do not express concern for others, or that they mainly focus on themselves. It does not necessarily mean that person is selfish, as they likely have all sorts of thoughts and feelings within that they just aren't showing. Some people are just comfortable not involving themselves with other people, and so they keep to themselves. There's lots of reasons, but it's all relative in the end. We all have self-interest to various degrees.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*Many aspects to that trait*

me:

aggression
superiority
fighting law (disagreeing)

all my arguments with ineptitude, incapability, incompetents

I'm your customer. Serve me.They say "You Can't" get what I need
pardon moi. You Can't push me out. 
Colloquial monkeys
Shouting at me? You're at fault! I've laid out my request. My demands. So simple. Do it. Why refuse? Don't apologise. Admit your laziness... incoherence..
better way than a simple no towards me. Tell me WHY not. Build it there

Staff who never read any book? Their life is speaking. Phone. Limit.
where is their negotiation? I do that. They don't listen.

aahh.. front-facers have their power of authority? Their experience of customers. Their mind full of "one of those"

well I have a 'one of those' for incoming phone calls.. no ID, witheld.. rude ones? growlers, shouters. My refusal, rejection, block starts there

anyone exhibits any traits like a previous they have trouble with, judged not for being themselves. All about anyone else

may seem t


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

My "friends" think I don't like them but I actually love them, I just can't express much emotion due to depression and anxiety. 

They ask me to hang out with them after work but I just don't have the courage to do it (I always turn them down), because I'm no fun. Plus hanging out with people makes me super awkward and nervous.


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## TreeOfWolf (Oct 17, 2016)

Maybe that's what you need right now. If you lack energy and barely have enough for self care... you won't have for others... I can respect that as long as you don't expect others to take care of your needs while you give back nothing and don't even take care of yourself, I really despise those people...

You can't care about someone's need unless they express it... Did they only call you selfish or did they express their hurt feelings about a reasonable request? As long as you give them respect, that's probably enough. If someone expected you to be their push over slave and you didn't give a damn, abusive people will be pissed off... But if it was a caring and considerate friend... who granted your requests... and you didn't return the favor... then you're the abusive one. 

Is it because you are currently unable to, or because you didn't think she was worth it?

If you feel guilty about it enough to call yourself selfish and care about her... then let her know... I am an empath, but after being so harassed and abused even after I said "no leave me alone forever"... I stopped feeling empathy, I ended up numb from disgust and trauma...

I needed time to heal before being able to put energy in a new relationship... If that's what is happening to you, I see nothing wrong with it... But maybe you should let her know that you need to care for yourself until you get out of a down moment in your life, but that you still value her.

Rest isn't enough without nutrition for the repairs... and The standard american diet is called SAD for a reason... I feel better since I replaced grains by veggies, and take supplements, lots of C, some B, magnesium... a little D... But I was at death's door...

Taking care of yourself is a good thing. But a relationship must be balanced between give and take... and if you can't do that... maybe you're not ready for one and that's ok... I focus on having a better one with myself... so I can attract and manage healthier relationships...

If you value her... you can always ask her for advice.


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## socialanxietythough (Jun 27, 2017)

2Milk said:


> Probably another reason why I'm alone and have no friends.
> I was reminded yesterday about my selfishness when this person told me "you only care about yourself don't you?"
> I respect this person. She's very mature and intelligent.
> 
> ...


I can completely relate to this. A lot of my friendships have failed because of selfishness and laziness as a friend on my part. The other friendships I had were intentionally ended because it had to be done.


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## insertannonusernamehere (Aug 19, 2017)

My selfishness is one of the biggest issues I face. People that I really admire will often show great affection towards me and even ask me to hang out, but I usually stand them up because I am afraid that they don't actually want to hang out with me or that if they start to get to know me they will hate me. I'm way too afraid to ever start a conversation wiith someone or even advance it because I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing. I would love to go out and see these people, but something holds me back everytime. It's probably because whenever I hang out with people I want to be friends with, I usually end up making a fool of myself and they give me weird face or something. I could have an intense conversation with someone and they tell me their whole life but I'm still worried about what they think of me instead of their actual feelings.


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