# My story of how I overcame social anxiety and loneliness



## Jazo (Sep 1, 2013)

Sometimes when I'm googling stuff I come across these forums and it reminds of when I had social anxiety. But I've overcome it and I'll tell you my journey. 

My background:

Childhood - I have to say my childhood (pre-adolescence) was quite good. I was quiet but still one of the kids. 

Teenage years - Adolescence hit and things went downhill. I became cripplingly shy with girls... I had some friends but was always one of the people "in the background" and often didn't feel part of the group. 

Age 17-21 - these were my WORST years socially, because while everyone else was getting girlfriends and losing their virginity... I had still never had a girlfriend. I STILL couldn't even talk to girls. I felt like I was left behind. I couldn't handle it anymore and become a "shut in" and soon had no friends (other than online). This lasted for years. I spent most of my time playing online games and studying, but I made NO FRIENDS during 4 years of college! It was so painful to see all those couples and cute girls and then going home alone to my crappy student apartment!

Age 22-25 RECOVERY. I had finally decided that enough was enough... the loneliness was too crushing. My mission was to lose my virginity before graduation. I started out by quitting all online games and losing all those bull**** distractions. 

I went on Accutane to fix my acne. I whitened my teeth. I got a good haircut from a stylist. I got new clothes and learned a bit about fashion. This stuff definitely boosted confidence and self-esteem which is very important!

I started out slow by talking to girls on the internet... I read PUA materials. I know this is controversial but it definitely helped a lot, at least in the beginning. You don't need to be an ******* but a lot of the psychology inside is very sound. I also read a self-help book on "how to be popular" which really changed the way I viewed things. 

I found that by acting confident and making conversation that wasn't "boring" that girls actually liked my personality. The only problem is they were usually on the other side of the world! Doh! I was now ready to try this out in the real world. 

Finally I met a girl online who lived near me... and I convinced her to meet up. BOY I WAS SCARED. This was pretty much my first date ever. It was awkward but she was kind of shy too. After a few dates and some alcohol I had my first sexual experience (but she didn't want to go he "whole way", damn)

It was only a few weeks until graduation and I was panicking... so I signed up for a dating site. I must have messaged about 50 girls with a "provocative opening message" and I got some replies. I managed to meet one and BOOM, we had sex, sort of. I sucked so bad and couldn't really keep an erection, but I finally wasn't a virgin. 

After this I had much more confidence and met a few more girls online. I was still REALLY nervous before meeting them, but I just told myself to man up and act confident. And it actually worked. I got laid a few more times and felt much better. 

I got a new job in a new city and "started over" in a place where nobody knew me. That was liberating. I had the excuse of being new in town... and proceeded to network and meet people. I'd meet them at work, the internet, or in bars and clubs. I went on a weekend trip and stayed in a hostel and met some new people (hostels are great for that). We had fun and took a bunch of photos together and it was time to upload to facebook..... but I didn't have fb! At that point I decided to finally make one. I finally felt like a "normal person". 

The next 1-2 years I just seemed to get more and more confident. I would travel every time I had money and stay in hostels, and meet loads of people, and improve my social skills. I'd go to bars and nightclubs. I finally picked up girls who I met in real life, not the internet. I had guy friends now too. I'd had a 1 year relationship. I had a lot of life experiences, stories to tell. I had learned how to be "social" through practice and increased confidence. I didn't have to fake it anymore. And that's where I am now. I have a girlfriend and a solid network of friends. 

I think there is hope for most people but it takes time and you have to really put yourself out of your comfort zone at first. Eventually you can become naturally COMFORTABLE in social situations but that takes time. I can answer any more specific questions if anyone has any.


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## handsup (Jun 22, 2013)

Cool story man, really I liked it, and hopefully my story will be like your too, about getting rid of SA for me. I'm just wondering, where are you from? what country?
I am asking this, because dating sites won't work for me in my country, IMO.


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## Mina84 (Jan 2, 2011)

Looks like your SA was linked to your ability to attract female attention 

I've been in a relationship for 8 years and I still have SA.


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## gold and bleak (Oct 9, 2012)

if all you had to do was push yourself out of your comfort zone 
count yourself lucky


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