# How many long-term partners would you prefer to have if it was completely up to you?



## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Note: The numbers aren't as random as they look like

_...or are they?_


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

long-term partners at once or serial monogamy?


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

One, if I could find that special person and just be with them forever. :love2

:b


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I'd prefer to have one but I think it's unlikely that I'll ever find someone that I can connect that well with. I've gotten close, but not nearly close enough.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Depends on what long-term is defined by.


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## x1ChelseaSmile1x (Apr 12, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> One, if I could find that special person and just be with them forever. :love2
> 
> :b


Took the words right out my mouth!!


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## Daft (Jan 5, 2012)

Throughout life, I'd prefer just one or as few as possible. What's the point of deliberately building up and tearing down new relationships? 

At once, I'd also only like one person. The more people you add, the more maintenance it needs and the greater the potential for drama. A little extra sex and romance just doesn't seem worth the time, energy, and risk.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

These hands can only hold one person and I enjoy the company of the few, so one.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Long term? I don't care, I mean one would be fine. If I found that right person, that right person to spend the rest of my life with, one would be great. In the meantime, though, I want to be with as many people as possible, to not only have fun but to experience enough women to KNOW what I like and what I don't like, which would make it easier to find the one. Honestly, why would anyone want more than 1 long-term relationship? I mean sure, more than 1 means you've had several learning experiences, but that also means all except the last were failures and that's tough to deal with.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

You mean.. would I want to be a polygamist? Uh, no. Lol.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Let's see. Say you start dating at 20 and plan on getting married by age 35. That's 15 years. So maybe 2 or 3 years per relationship before it gets sort of stale and 3-6 months between each relationship for sexual experimentation with different types of guys. So 4-7 long term partners would be good and maybe 20+ more sexual partners.

I've only been in 4 relationships (would like to have been in 6 or 7) and I appreciate the experiences greatly. Each guy had a totally different personality and a different way of having sex. It's good to see how you get along with different types of people and figure out what you like in bed.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I've only had one long term and it's with my current bf, we've having a future together so I'm only going to experience with one long term relationship and I have no problem with that.

Sometimes I wish I had one prior to my bf though to see what it feels like and that I can learn my mistakes and be a better partner in my current relationship. Right now it's okay though, I just have anxiety and depression to work on.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Lol at everyone who voted 1. That's the problem with society today- unrealistic expectations.

I say 2-3.


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## Nefury (May 9, 2011)

calichick said:


> Lol at everyone who voted 1. That's the problem with society today- unrealistic expectations.
> 
> I say 2-3.


yeah that is society's real problem


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

For me definately one. I don't want to be the type of guy who has a lot of girls. I don't want to be empty either. I want to have that one woman I could spend the rest of my life with, and who I would love and cherish forever and ever. Will it happen? I believe it will


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

A bunch. I've had two and they've been good learning experiences.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

At the same time? Who voted 0? I like their honesty.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

zero

I like being an individual...and not a pair...like socks or gloves.

I don't like the idea of being owned by someone also


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

None. But there's no going back. I currently have 2 partners (but one's labelled friendship because it's not romantic or sexual - get your head round that one).


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

One. I don't need a bunch of failed relationships to learn about life...


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Nefury said:


> yeah that is society's real problem


Yes actually it is, I would say that unrealistic expectations can account for a lot of our personal problems in life.

There are dangers with creating an ideal in your head and not meeting it (fairy tale complex). It can leave you disillusioned, bitter, pessimistic, among other things.

Just look at the posts on this board for example. Everything is about standards, and meeting society's standards, because that is what it _expects of us._

If people learn to not put so much pressure on themselves, their standard of living and general contentment with life would be so much higher.

*Always Hope For The Best, But Expect The Worst*


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

*Low expectations and a poor experience*, where our low expectations can mute the disappointment or even the discomfort we feel at actually having a poor experience.
*Low expectations but a good experience*, leading to a pleasant surprise. >>This is now what I am starting to experience and I must say it is satisfying

*High expectations and good experience*, in which we get to enjoy not only the anticipation of looking forward to something fabulous but an experience that actually lives up to our expectations and therefore feels thoroughly satisfying.
*High expectations but a poor experience*, in which we often emerge bitterly disappointed or even traumatized. >>This has been my life up until the age of 21.

I encourage all of you to not set your expectations too high. You will see the change in your life.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I'm assuming over the course of a life-time? 4-7. I kind of gave up on the idea of a "soul mate" a long time ago, and have basically come to the conclusion that you fall in love many times in your life. So yes, 4-7 sounds about right for me.


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Hit it & quit it.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

3 or 4. Voted 2-3.
I think short-term relationships are just for fun, whereas long-term relationships make you grow and learn about yourself. They're not failures, unless the people involved are just dragging along because they're afraid to be left alone, or something.



rednosereindeer said:


> Note: The numbers aren't as random as they look like
> 
> _...or are they?_


Not random? Let's see.

*1*
2 - *3* = 2 - 2+*1*
4 - *7 * = 4 - 4+*3*
8 - 15 = 8 - 8+*7*

That it? :sus


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

calichick said:


> Lol at everyone who voted 1. That's the problem with society today- unrealistic expectations.
> 
> I say 2-3.


yeah one of the biggest problems facing mankind today, so unrealistic the idea of settling down with 1 person is just so ridiculous :roll..........anywayyyyz ive played the field and been with all types so here i am in my late 20's just lookin for 1 special gal


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Makes sense in binary: the categories are separated by whether you are in single digits, double digits, triple digits, quadruple digits, or quintuple (or more) digits.

0
1
10 - 11
100 - 111
1000 - 1111
10000+


Oh yeah, and I voted for 1. That's all I need. And it's infinitely better than 0, my current count.


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## kelsomania (Oct 12, 2010)

I already had one and I would never want date him again so I picked 2-3.


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Whir said:


> Hit it & quit it.


Btw, just kidding..

2 or 3 I guess. :stu


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

I"d only like 1 long term partner. By short-term, I'll release it's not working out, making it long term, is realistic enough to know, they are the one.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

ideally 2 or 3 in my lifetime, but i'm already 19 and men don't show any interest in me, so realistically it will probably be 0.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

calichick said:


> Yes actually it is, I would say that unrealistic expectations can account for a lot of our personal problems in life.
> 
> There are dangers with creating an ideal in your head and not meeting it (fairy tale complex). It can leave you disillusioned, bitter, pessimistic, among other things.
> 
> ...


This is how many you would prefer, not how many you expect. If I had found my soulmate in 1 try, I would be good to go. I realize that that's unrealistic, but why would you want anything more? In my ideal world I would take a bunch of hookups and short-term flings and one long-term relationship at the end.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

0


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Umm 1.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rymo said:


> This is how many you would prefer, not how many you expect. If I had found my soulmate in 1 try, I would be good to go. I realize that that's unrealistic, but why would you want anything more? In my ideal world I would take a bunch of hookups and short-term flings and one long-term relationship at the end.


Yea I know that was the whole point of the thread "if it was completely up to you" but I just ignored it because that will never be possible.

I'm a realist what can I say? lol


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

50piecesteve said:


> yeah one of the biggest problems facing mankind today


yes.

because those were my exact words.

because one of the biggest problems facing mankind today is unrealistic expectations. It's just going to cause the extinction of the human race is how big it is. We are all going to die miserable deaths .

Let's use our brains from now on...please ..[this is another problem with society today, ignorance]



> That's the problem with society today-


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I don't have any intrest in having any relationships,I like my own space and time too much.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rossy said:


> I don't have any intrest in having any relationships,


you will when the time is right, I don't think anyone would want to be single forever.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Nope I can't see me changing much,I don't really need anybody.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rossy said:


> Nope I can't see me changing much,I don't really need anybody.


if only for the babies

think about your children Rossy.

I know I think about my unborn children every day...no joke lol


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Don't ever want kids either. I'd easily get the "snip" to make sure.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Deleted


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

joinmartin said:


> I think your point is an interesting one to think about. That said, not everything is about living up to society's standards. We don't even know what those standards actually are half the time.
> 
> *But then again, if people had not set their expectations high then we would never have set foot on the moon.*


That is basically what we are taught since a young age in America (yes I know you're from the UK). That is what drives our work ethic. Attaining the ever illusory 'American dream'. We want to strive for the best, be the best we can, always reaching higher and higher, we are a very restless people, rarely content with our current situations.

Denmark is always ranked as the #1 happiest nation as we all know. The garbage man is just as content/respected as the millionaire. Here in America, the garbage man is seen as the lowest form of class. That is because we are a nation of standards, and those who do NOT reach a certain criteria are judged, and sometimes very harshly. Also in that respect, marriage is not seen by some people over there as the "ultimate" stepping stone. Being single, however having a gf/bf, people are content with that. In America, we don't understand unmarried people. Because the standard is marriage, kids, death. (or kids, marriage, death) You are _expected_ to follow a certain path.

I think that America is one of the most progressive nations in the world, but that being said, I think that the majority of the people here always find in themselves some kind of hole that they need to fill. (which is good for innovation/consumerism/etc)

Also, I'm going to argue that most everything in life is about meeting standards, from marriage to children to education to work, to health, to physical appearance.

_Yes, it is healthy to set certain goals, individually_, but so much conforming in our society to these "universally" acceptable standards leads to failure. Because all people cannot fit it.

I mean..........how many of us here have felt like we have failed in some way at this point in our lives (in terms of relationships or schooling or career or friends or family)? There are more people who feel like failures vs. those who are completely satisfied with their lives.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I don't see a problem with being single.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Rossy said:


> Don't ever want kids either. I'd easily get the "snip" to make sure.


the snip is rather permanent. I'm holding out hope that RISUG gets released to market in a few years.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

One at a time, though I could see myself with a certain person if my husband were to die.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i went with 4-7. i would have had one in high school, but we had to separate to go to different universities or something. one for university, she could be all philisophical and geeky like me. one would be my ex because i wouldn't not want to have that relationship. one would be my current gf beause i love her. and then a possible 3 more - if my gf dies, or if we break up due to some unresolvable relationship destroying reason. probably one for when i'm really old and in a rest home or something.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rossy said:


> I don't see a problem with being single.


you're not american


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Somewhere in the 3-7 range I would say. I've only had one. I'm really excited about being in another relationship. I want to be an old lady and have fond memories of the wonderful men in my life.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

calichick said:


> you're not american


Your right there.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

komorikun said:


> Let's see. Say you start dating at 20 and plan on getting married by age 35. That's 15 years. So maybe 2 or 3 years per relationship before it gets sort of stale and 3-6 months between each relationship for sexual experimentation with different types of guys. So 4-7 long term partners would be good and maybe 20+ more sexual partners.
> 
> I've only been in 4 relationships (would like to have been in 6 or 7) and I appreciate the experiences greatly. Each guy had a totally different personality and a different way of having sex. It's good to see how you get along with different types of people and figure out what you like in bed.


Ha, I did the same math in my head :yes. I think this thread is really for those who have never had a relationship, and are speculating at the future. Those of us who have been there, we already know what we want, and it's a matter of finding the right person or just messing around in the meantime. I'm definitely doing the latter lol.


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

calichick said:


> you're not american


what does that matter?


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I've already had 3 plus non serious ones. It sounds romantic if you have no knowledge of relationships but you don't learn much having 1 long term relationship with 1 person. It makes it more difficult to work through problems because you have no prior experience doing so. Our attempts and failures that we learn from are what make a relationship eventually last a long time. The people who never have more than 1 long term or serious relationship and have it last through 10, 20, or 30 years are exceedingly rare and generally know each other very well such as growing up together (and interacting not just existing next to each other) before they attempt it.


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## lettersnumbers (Apr 15, 2012)

One.. i hold back in relationships because i find it pointless investing weeks or even years in a relationship that isnt going to last, id rather hold out for the real deal.


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Always wary of highschool sweethearts type relationships, it seems they grow old way too fast so I'd go with 2-3 longterm partnerships. It would be a learning experience to move from one to the next. And think of the sex you'd be missing out on! >.>
<.<


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

2-3, but one at a time of course


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

lettersnumbers said:


> One.. i hold back in relationships because i find it pointless investing weeks or even years in a relationship that isnt going to last, id rather hold out for the real deal.


I do the same. I kind of wish I didn't but I find it very hard to trust people most of the time. And often for no particular reason.


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## alissaxvanity (Dec 26, 2011)

I'd want to date around, sleep around, and generally experience different people because each person will have something new to offer. I don't think you mature as a person until you have experienced yourself with all kinds of different people


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Akane said:


> I've already had 3 plus non serious ones. It sounds romantic if you have no knowledge of relationships but you don't learn much having 1 long term relationship with 1 person. It makes it more difficult to work through problems because you have no prior experience doing so. Our attempts and failures that we learn from are what make a relationship eventually last a long time. The people who never have more than 1 long term or serious relationship and have it last through 10, 20, or 30 years are exceedingly rare and generally know each other very well such as growing up together (and interacting not just existing next to each other) before they attempt it.


Agreed. But because the question is phrased "if it was completely up to you," I think a lot of people (myself included) took this to be an "in an ideal world" scenario. So, I think that explains the high number of votes for 1.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Not quite the same questions, but I thought this was an interesting study and this was the most appropriate thread to write it in :b

A Norwegian study asked 1000 men and women how many sexual partners they would like over the course of their entire life.
They found that about 25 partners was dream scenario for the men, while the average for the women was around 7.


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## trendyfool (Apr 11, 2010)

I don't want to be in another relationship, for a while. I gotta work on other things, work on experiencing life and changing myself for the better. I dunno, I just don't think that the number of relationships you have is something that you can plan out, life tends to get in the way. I'd rather just see what happens.


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

Enough to last me until I die.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Are we talking concurrently or over the course of a lifetime?

If it's the latter, not many. I don't want to have to go through the whole courting/getting to know each other/falling in love/arguments/getting sick of each other/breaking up/moving on thing too many times.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

1 is all I ever wanted


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## kosherpiggy (Apr 7, 2010)

one. i love somebody already and would only wanna settle down with him. i'd probably do casual relationships and sex before i date him


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## VivaLaVida101 (Apr 18, 2012)

I just want One


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

1-3. If you're truly serious, I don't see how you can get much higher than that.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Witan said:


> 1-3. If you're truly serious, I don't see how you can get much higher than that.


Many relationships are problematic. I had 4 relationships but I couldn't see marrying any of them.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Long term: I'd say two or three. I'd appreciate the learning experience, and I wouldn't think "what if" later on if I settled down with Mr AllToAll.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

If I were to lose my husband early I could see myself marrying again, but I couldn't see myself ever LOVING again... it would have to be with a man I already loved (there are a couple.) 

Once my love is given it is never taken back and it grows if conditions are right.

Basically what I'm saying is I couldn't see myself starting out with a brand new relationship, but rekindling an old one.


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

One preferably, but two or three may be good too.


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

i would want only one, but if i were really greedy maybe 2, so they can les it up or something, because i would not make a good lover, so it gives the females an extra option...


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Just the one is fine. One good woman.


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

depends on if i love the person 1 will do, whethr i sleep around depends on love and understanding not greed. if it was greed it would b as many as i can have. but i choose love instead of lust first. lust second.


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## YahYouBetcha (Mar 24, 2012)

Whir said:


> Hit it & quit it.


Lol


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## YahYouBetcha (Mar 24, 2012)

When i think of long-term partners, i think of guys who are marriage material. I wouldn't want to get married more than 3 times, so i guess 2-3 is reasonable.


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## AfarOff (Mar 29, 2012)

One. if I don't end up alone I'm still hoping it will happen; seeing as I've never had a girlfriend.
#lolyeahright.


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## LittleSister (Jan 22, 2011)

Most voted 1.... Very idealistic. Fairy tale stuff. I didn't vote for this reason.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

LittleSister said:


> Most voted 1.... Very idealistic. Fairy tale stuff. I didn't vote for this reason.


Well, the question was phrased "if it was completely up to you," so I think a lot of people (understandably, even if mistakenly) took that to mean "in an ideal world."

If the question was worded something like "realistically, how many long-term partners do you think it's reasonable to have?" the results might be very different. But the question as asked seemed to be looking for people's ideal scenario, so I'm not at all surprised that "1" is winning by a wide margin.


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## Elixir (Jun 19, 2012)

I would prefer to have 2-3 long-term partners.

On the other side, when it comes to marriage, I hope that if I do get married (I probably won't, I don't think it's for me), I'll get married only once at some time in the very distant future. I don't think it's unrealistic to aim for this. If you're marrying a person and you're already thinking that you'll prolly be divorcing in the future, then why marry and put yourself (and possibly your kids) through all that pain? It doesn't make much sense.

And sometimes people don't always learn from their mistakes. If I'm not mistaken the divorce rate for second and third marriages is even higher than the one for first ones, so in many cases, the notion that people become 'wiser' with each serious relationship they have is only true for long-term relationships that do not involve broken marriages and kids.



calichick said:


> That is basically what we are taught since a young age in America (yes I know you're from the UK). That is what drives our work ethic. Attaining the ever illusory 'American dream'. We want to strive for the best, be the best we can, always reaching higher and higher, we are a very restless people, rarely content with our current situations.
> 
> Denmark is always ranked as the #1 happiest nation as we all know. The garbage man is just as content/respected as the millionaire. Here in America, the garbage man is seen as the lowest form of class. That is because we are a nation of standards, and those who do NOT reach a certain criteria are judged, and sometimes very harshly. Also in that respect, marriage is not seen by some people over there as the "ultimate" stepping stone. Being single, however having a gf/bf, people are content with that. * In America, we don't understand unmarried people.* * Because the standard is marriage, kids, death. (or kids, marriage, death) You are expected to follow a certain path. *


It can happen in any country, believe me, but it seems as though Americans have it a bit worse when it comes to standards. There are many paths which one can follow and what's best for one person may not be the best for the other. Expecting all the people to get married and have kids is ridiculous lol.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Elixir said:


> I would prefer to have 2-3 long-term partners.
> 
> On the other side, when it comes to marriage, I hope that if I do get married (I probably won't, I don't think it's for me), I'll get married only once at some time in the very distant future. I don't think it's unrealistic to aim for this. If you're marrying a person and you're already thinking that you'll prolly be divorcing in the future, then why marry and put yourself (and possibly your kids) through all that pain? It doesn't make much sense.
> 
> ...


I hadn't known this about Denmark; now I want to move there! (I'm not a garbage man lol). But yeah, the notion that we all should get married and have kids is just bonkers. I think it's also more of an expectation in rural and suburban areas than in larger cities. In New York, LA, DC, London, etc., I know people in their 30s and 40s who are "career" men and women and not held to those expectations by their peers or families.

As far as partners go, I've had as many as I'll ever need. I just want something to work out so I can settle down and never have to meet anyone new, ever again.


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