# I Get Obsessed With People



## AnxiousWithSA (Jan 11, 2016)

Hello,

I have been struggling with social anxiety for as long as I can remember (probably since my toddler years) and something that I have also struggled with since my toddler years is getting obsessed with people. It's very strange from another person's point of view, but it's all I know. I don't want anyone to think I'm creepy or anything. But here goes...

When I get obsessed with someone it is usually with someone I don't know, or if I know them, I don't know them well. I have been obsessed with numerous celebrities, teachers, and when I was very little, even fictional characters. However, I have never been obsessed with anyone of my age. My objects of obsession are always adults. By the way, I'm a 15 year old girl.

The really odd thing about when I get obsessed with people is that I feel like they are watching me at all times. It feels like they can see me through a camera and want to watch everything I do, so I'll start trying to act like them. (buying clothes I think they would approve of, saying things I think they would say, taking up hobbies they have, etc.). I also have them on my mind all the time and can't stop thinking about them. Most of the time, my obsessions are with people I like, but occasionally they are not. Sometimes, I've never even heard of the person but I get obsessed with them anyway and I only like them because I'm obsessed with them.

My longest obsession lasted for 5 months straight, but normally they only last about 1-2 months at the most. Eventually that obsession wears off and I never think about the person again (at least not in that way), but then I'll develop an obsession with a new person. It's a never ending cycle and it's completely beyond my control. I never choose to be obsessed with someone, it's completely subconscious.

When I was very young, I always thought it was completely normal, but as I have gotten older it has really started to bother me a lot. When I was little, I was very verbal about my obsessions because I didn't think it was weird. So I would always talk about my point of obsession non-stop. Sometimes, my parents would have to beg me to stop talking about them and then I would feel really embarrassed, and as I got older, my obsessions have never been public. I keep them inside myself now because I realize how weird this whole thing is. I have not been public about my obsessions (talking to my parents about them non-stop) in about 6-7 years. I think my parents just thought it was a silly phase I was going through as a little kid, but little do they know I still struggle with it at 15.

Also, I don't know if this matters, but most of my obsessions are with men, but a few have been with women. (I have never been obsessed with anyone in a sexual way, I just have a really weird admiration for them).

My obsession will start when I see a certain person and that can be a person I am acquainted with or an actor that I just saw for the first time in a movie I liked, etc. Something about them will just captivate me and at first it's not that big of a deal to me, but after a few days, it grows into a full blown obsession. Then I'll start looking them up on the Internet whenever I have free time. If they're famous, I'll read their whole Wikipedia page and look at their social media accounts to learn everything I can about them and see exactly what they're like as people. If they're not famous, and they're an acquaintance, (teacher, one of my parent's friends, etc.) then I'll try to find their Facebook or I'll just study them closely when I see them in person. I get extreme anxiety if I have to talk to that person because I'm afraid they'll sense that I'm obsessed with them.

Don't get me wrong though, I never want to harm them or violate their privacy, I just want to learn everything about them that I can. I never have the urge to stalk them or hack their accounts, it's nothing like that all.

This is something that is very embarrassing for me to talk about, to the point where if I hear someone mention the name of my obsession, I'll get really hot and feel mortified even though no one knows that I'm obsessed with them. I'm always afraid someone will find out and I'll get made fun of, though.

The thing that bothers me the most about this is that I feel like I can't form proper attachments to stuff I like (celebrities, movies, favorite teachers) because once the obsession wears off, I pay no mind to that person again. When I'm obsessed, it's like they're the greatest person in the world, but once it wears off it's like I never even liked them. I've been part of fandoms of singers and movies for short periods of time before, but they never last. It always makes me really sad because sometimes when I'm obsessed with a person (in this case famous), I'll end up thinking I'm actually a real fan, but it's just the obsession getting in the way.

I want to be part of a fandom and just be a regular fan, but that has never been successful. The only people I've been a big fan of are people I'm obsessed with. I've never known a life of not being obsessed with someone at all times, so sometimes I feel like it would be weird to not be obsessed with someone even though I want this to just go away.

Also, in case anyone asks: I've never been abused, I've never lost a family member, and I've never been through traumatic situations. I come from a tight and intact family. My parents are very supportive, but this is too weird to explain for me to them right now.

I don't know what to do, so I'm turning to this website for answers.

My questions are 1) Have any of you ever experienced this or known of someone who has? 2) Do you know what this is called? 3) Can I get rid of this? 4) Do you think this could be a part of social anxiety? 5) Will I be able to live normally if I do find a way to end this? Because I feel as though I won't be able to be a fan (someone who supports the singer/actor, keeps up with what they do,enjoys their work,etc.) if I'm not obsessed with them.

I'm really sorry this is so long, I just want to be as detailed as possible so I can get help. It would mean the world to me if someone could get back to me on this. Thank you!

-Shamefully Obsessed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Christen (Jun 30, 2014)

Hi there! I've actually been looking for posts surrounding this issue, and this is actually as close as I've come to finding something similar to what I do, especially the part about feeling like they're watching you. I tend to become obsessed with older men, mostly celebrities but on one occasion it was with a friend of mine, which was a really uncomfortable situation.

I'm not exactly sure if this is a specific issue that a lot of people deal with, or if it even has anything to deal with SA, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.


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## Amber 92 (Mar 13, 2016)

Wish I had more answers, all I'll say is that as a kid and a teen I was similar. Celebrities, people I didn't know or even really want to get to know. I kind of mixed it in with the maladaptive day dreaming, while still holding the 'i know this person isn't this way in real life, it just fits this daydream'. the anxiety of 'i really don't want to obsess' makes it worse, like anticipated anxiety. I think it is OCD.

I really don't remember how or why it went away for me, it just did

you can learn to break your thought patterns. catch yourself thinking about someone, and do something like count down from 100. or find something else you enjoy and make yourself think about it. keep doing that every time, eventually you can break the habit


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## SpiritOfTheDawn (Feb 11, 2014)

I actually have a very similar problem. For me it's mainly due to how I'm obsessed with wanting a little brother, which in turn causes me to get easily obsessed with younger boys, and of course because of that very fact is the reason why I don't talk about this in real life because I don't want people to take it the wrong way if you know what I mean  

I'm not an expert or anything but I think the cause of your obsessions may be similar to the cause of my obsessions if you dig deeper. Is there any specific figure in your life that you've felt like you're missing and really really want? So for me it'd be a little brother.


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## Angel387 (May 2, 2016)

I get obsessed with people too. In relationships though. Makes me act like a total weirdo and ends up pushing people away.  sad, and sad for anyone else going through that issue.


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## Museinc (Apr 24, 2012)

Don't know if I'm allowed to post links (is that allowed or will they delete the post?), but when I was googling this issue a few years ago, I found this link, and it made me feel so relieved to see how many people do it and how they described in detail exactly what it's like.

http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/archive/index.php/t-57425.html


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## Resergence (Mar 7, 2016)

Angel387 said:


> I get obsessed with people too. In relationships though. Makes me act like a total weirdo and ends up pushing people away.  sad, and sad for anyone else going through that issue.


This happened to me well kinda makes me relived it a bit im not only one that did something like this. I think people like us need to open our minds change our perspective!


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## jacobmikiya (May 2, 2016)

I relate to this so hard. Thanks for posting this because I thought I was the only one that was like this.


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## tina the llama (May 9, 2016)

I can relate to how you feel on so many levels. I'm in my mid twenties (also female) and I get obsessed with different people too. Though for me it's always been about fictional characters. I can't control who I become obsessed with; my mind just latches onto whatever characters appeal to it. I can relate to you in that I also wish I could be a part of a fandom forever, and when I lose interest in a fandom I'm never able to "get into it" like before. Also, I was never abused/traumatized/etc. and I also come from a loving family. 

What has helped me the most is learning to prioritize what is most important in life. God first, then others, then myself. Character obsessions always have to take a backseat to spiritual and real life needs. When every priority in your life is in order, then you will be able to enjoy your fandoms for what they are: a fun hobby, and nothing more. If your priorities are out of order - particularly if you put anything before God - then you are in for a world of suffering. I speak from personal experience, and I'm sharing this advice so that hopefully you and anyone else who is struggling with this won't have to suffer the way that I did. What has helped me the most has been prayer. 

I encourage you to pray to God to help you prioritize your life, and if you feel that you may be under spiritual attack, say "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You. But only say the Word and my soul shall be healed." For extra spiritual protection, say 14 Our Fathers and 7 Hail Marys every night, preferably while kneeling with your hands folded and your eyes closed. This will also put you in a sort of spiritually meditative state, where you may be more open to hearing that "still, small voice" that will guide you into doing the right thing. 

I will be sure to keep you in my prayers tonight. Please take my words into consideration. 

- Tina


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## Anjikun (May 16, 2016)

I think is a kind of obsession related to anxiety, like OCD. There are so many different obsessions/compulsions but the cause is thought to be the same: a coping mechanism to deal with anxiety. Have you tried a kind of mindfulness approach? There is something called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) which is basically mindfulness. The idea is that the obsessions are only thoughts in your head and they are not hurting anyone. So maybe if you could learn to let them be (let the thoughts come and go without freaking yourself out about them) they may gradually diminish, or at least they won't bother you so much.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## sadgxrl (Aug 29, 2016)

I know you posted this months ago, but I've researching to find anyone who feels like I do and I feel very similar to you. Even the part where it feels like they're watching and you try to conform to them (what they like, say, etc.) I'm 18. I'm going to tell you a story that's really embarrassing.

I was obsessed with someone (like usual) and this lasted a year or two (and is still somewhat there not much though) and it got so out of hand. When I become infatuated with someone I have to talk to them, since it's usually people I know or could know. So we hung out and I thought she was the best person in the whole world (in a platonic way, never romantic like you said). But then I started to try to be like her and she caught on and blocked me from everything and even made posts about me. It was incredibly embarrassing and I never want that to happen again. It sucked because I'm always afraid of people finding out and she did.

Now it's another person and I tried to be their friend, but they just don't want anything to do with me. 

When I'm infatuated with someone, it's like I'm turning into a stalker or something, it's so scary. Of course I would never hurt anyone or actually follow them or something. But I think about them all the time. I have to look at their social media, google them, anything. It's so tiring. Anyways, I'm glad I'm not alone. I hope it stops.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

I do something similar. I talk to them in my head all the time about every detail that happens in my life. I probably spend multiple hours a day doing that, it's daydreaming.the current 2 people, i'm thinking of since almost 3 years. They'd be creeped out haha. In reality, ie outside my head, i've never even interacted with them.


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## the misanthrope (Aug 15, 2016)

I sometimes will become obsessed with rock bands, this can go on for months or years, sometimes it is artists who I admire. I will learn all I can about them. spend hours on the internet to the exclusion of all else.
I have asked my self why, the only answer is they posses qualities that I wish I had, good looks, charm etc.. It is also a symptom of my Asperger's.


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## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

Me too. I'm cool with it though. It's good times.


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## Iberian (Aug 12, 2016)

Im obssessed with a chilhood crush. I created a fake Facebook account(I delete the original because social networks) just to look at her pictures.


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## notBlair (Sep 1, 2016)

1)I'm sort of similar. I do get obsessed with people who strike my fancy, if they have a certain _je ne sais quoi_. I sort of mold my behavior to seem like them (if I don't know them and they sort of celebrity-esque, such as a blogger) or I'll mold my behavior so they will like me (if I do know them). I also sort of feel as if we have a connection, not necessarily that they're watching me, but that they acknowledge me or that our interactions are special / meaningful (again, if we know each other).

My longest obsession was about 6 years D: It got to a point where it was really bad, I wanted it to stop. But the cycle does repeat itself. I also do my extensive "research" on the person.

2) Do you know what this is called? I've never been acquainted with a term, tbh I don't know if there is other than obsession and stalking; perhaps its linked to a personality disorder although that's complete speculation

3) Can I get rid of this? I believe so, I think we develop this because we're "starved" (first word that came to mind) of human contact, in a sense. We may have our family and friends, but we yearn for a different type of relationship / friendship. Maybe we even wish to be admired and project our feelings. Idk, I'm just spitballing. I think the main goal would be to replace our obsessions with something else. We have too much time on our hands. I've sort of been able to do this sometimes, I'll just become obsessed with other things (not people, and I usually try for my obsession to be conducive to my personal goals whether it be academic or fitness related, etc).

4) Do you think this could be a part of social anxiety? Maybe not a part of SA, but what causes your particular SA (at your core)

5) Will I be able to live normally if I do find a way to end this? Of course <3 Don't fall into a determinist / fatalistic mentality. Or that "fixed" mentality SA gives us.


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## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

Hmm I do the same sometimes. I used to do this with people in bands I liked. I also have done this with a character I like in a TV show. It seems I have a lot in common with the character and I noticed I started to wear the same things they wear and adopt the same mannerisms. Sometimes I think of what it would be like to befriend them or helping them if they were real.

I think it's pretty harmless as long as it doesn't take precedence over more important things in your life. Also you are who you are and shouldn't desire to be just like someone else.


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## NeverSayDie (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm probably a lot older than most of the people in this thread, but I know exactly what this type of obsession is like. And I have been stuck in this pattern for over 25 years. I have been in therapy for a long time, but never told a therapist about it. It's embarrassing to admit that you spend such a huge chunk of your waking day in fantasies about people you will never meet or who might not exist at all. It shows an overall dissatisfaction with life and with yourself that you have to rely on non-reality to feel happy or even normal. That's exactly where I always have been.

The OP mentioned that "it feels like they can see me through a camera and want to watch everything I do." This feeling was especially bad for me when I was younger, but still happens now to a lesser extent. My main problem is that I am nearly constantly in fantasy mode. If I walk down the street, I imagine that I am walking to meet the object of my obsession. Sometimes, I write short fictional stories about our interactions. At night, I fantasize about them until I fall asleep. These are not little images in my mind. I construct elaborate "mind movies" with plots, other characters, etc. What the movies lack is an ending. They never end.

The person who becomes my obsession changes occasionally. When I was younger, it was usually people I knew. It was one male teacher for ages. As I got older, it became fictional characters or the occasional celebrity. Right now, and for the last eight months, it's a fictional character from the only TV show I watch. My fantasies alternate between the character and the actor who portrays him. It's embarrassing to say, but I actually have no desire to stop doing this, even though I know it is unhealthy.

There is something called "maladaptive daydreaming" that is not a disorder itself, but considered a symptom of other disorders like depression or anxiety. On the other hand, some people say it's just intense daydreaming and a sign of creativity. I guess it depends on how this manifests. When I was a child, I was obsessed with making up stories and characters. As an adult, I have turned myself into a character in my mind. I get to be who I want to be and be with the people I wish I could know. It has a lot less to do with the other person who becomes our obsession and a lot more to do with what it is that draws them to us and why we imagine ourselves interacting with them the way we do.


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## nun (Aug 24, 2016)

I don't get what you all described, but I think it's really cute. It's adorable as long as it's not harming anyone. Why pathologize it? 

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## humblelulu (Jun 2, 2008)

I get this! The daydreaming side of things that is, it used to be a real problem when I was at school or university because instead of doing work, I was going on walks or laying in my bed letting these very vivid mind films go on. I used to see it as something that was unhealthy and was ruining my quality of life, but then I realised actually when I'm stressed etc I tend to daydream etc more to be able to cope better. Compared to other way more unhealthy stuff you could do, it's actually pretty harmless and if it helps you feel better in any way, I don't see an issue with it. I used mine to my advantage in my final year of university actually, I was doing a comic, and I was out of ideas normally, so I used my vivid daydreams to help me create the story and add to it by simple experiencing it every day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

I tend to be generally obsessive. With things or people, imaginary figure, famous people not necessarily celebrity (actually I generally lack interest in celebrities, may be I should be interested in them because I think it's one aspect of my disconnection with society), people online.

Obsession helped me with study. I can work on a hard problem for hours or days. Back in college I once spent like over 13 hours a day learning math courses by myself.

I'm sometimes obsessed with people I know online, which understandably turns them off. But it's really just my behavioral problem, nothing sinister. I don't recall being obsessed with real life people, since I in usually avoid them. 

Currently I'm obsessed with this site.

My obsession is kind of the opposite of being good at multitasking.


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## nujabes23 (Nov 12, 2015)

AnxiousWithSA said:


> Hello,
> 
> I have been struggling with social anxiety for as long as I can remember (probably since my toddler years) and something that I have also struggled with since my toddler years is getting obsessed with people. It's very strange from another person's point of view, but it's all I know. I don't want anyone to think I'm creepy or anything. But here goes...
> 
> ...


Next time u feel like u wanna look up the person's info online just don't look it up look up something else. U could always take up a hobby
To take up all ur free time. Learning how to play guitar is a good way to take ur mind off stuff.

Just try different things, learning how to draw is another good thing to take ur mind off things do whatever makes u feel good.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Having a real life social life helps, and just keeping busy. I never got that 'camera' thing (imagining you're being watched,) with fictional or famous obsessions in the past, but I did with crushes.. I think it was more wishful thinking. It doesn't seem healthy to me either but it usually happens because you're not being proactive and just living in your head.

When I was younger (and still on occasion with specific images,) I'd also feel like certain pictures could see me, although not always photos of people I really admired/was obsessed with but it usually was. But sometimes just ones of people I had stuck on my wall or something because I thought they looked cool (because I stick everything there,) I'm fairly sure that's just some level of narcissism combined with loneliness in my case. I also have whole conversations with myself still to this day.

Like I said above, these symptoms mostly disappeared when I was actually reguarly socialising with people in real life and went out a lot more.

Op hasn't posted in ages but to other people if you are doing this, it is probably because you're trying to
avoid/escape reality and get your mental needs met as well.

Also if you're outside try to focus more on what's going on around you, and don't listen to music that helps too to avoid daydreaming generally. It can be hard if you're walking around alone though. This can also help anxiety a little I found, just being present so you don't get jolted out of your bubble suddenly.


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## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

humblelulu said:


> I get this! The daydreaming side of things that is, it used to be a real problem when I was at school or university because instead of doing work, I was going on walks or laying in my bed letting these very vivid mind films go on. I used to see it as something that was unhealthy and was ruining my quality of life, but then I realised actually when I'm stressed etc I tend to daydream etc more to be able to cope better.


Same.


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## cobwebs (Oct 1, 2016)

This hits home, except in my case I obsess over people around my age with whom I would like to be friends.
I have absolutely no social life except going to uni, and no friends with similar interests at all. It's been 3-4 years since I started obsessing over complete strangers on the internet. They're usually people who like the same stuff I do and just have a great persona. I find them randomly on social networks and stalk their profiles (in a harmless way, of course). I also try to make myself likeable to them, even tough I'll never meet them. 
Some of them live in my city, and it baffles me that it seems like they're all friends with each other somehow, like they're all connected. Some are from different cities. I have this big whole wish-they-were-my-friends catalogue in my mind, but none of them knows I exist.
Needless to say, their social lives are all so much better than mine, I get really sad when I see their pictures with their real friends having fun and all that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Yeah, for me it's mostly attractive men that I can never have unless I'm being lied to and used. But I don't stalk them or anything, it's just more of like I keep them in my mind and have some fun with them you know. I think it's very normal especially when you're lacking that stuff, heck, it even comes in my dreams.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Angel387 said:


> I get obsessed with people too. In relationships though. Makes me act like a total weirdo and ends up pushing people away.  sad, and sad for anyone else going through that issue.


Yeah me too, I loved this one guy so much that he even told me that he doesn't have time for me to worship him. But he was a sociopath so who cares.


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## TreeOfWolf (Oct 17, 2016)

You sound like a typical teenage girl to me. If most people weren't like that, tabloids and facebook wouldn't exist, they'd go bankrupt.

If you are only obsessed a month, then that sounds more like enthusiasm and curiosity. The novelty wears off. Try to calm down and take your time to avoid being in extremes. The interest isn't something you can control, but you can control how you indulge in it or not.

You might have OCD and Asperger. I try to balance my OCD and give myself an outlet (having posters everywhere, collecting memes compulsively). I wouldn't allow myself to hoard trash. But I'm having a hard time overcoming perfectionism OCD, that really made everything I do a pure hell for me and coworkers... I burned myself into exhaustion. I did some comics with sticky characters after seeing that rage comics can be funny even if they are ugly. Embracing my right to make mistakes. So embrace your right to have interests and passions, even if people don't want to hear about them, because they simply don't feel the same way. You said yourself that it passes after a month or so. Aspergers can hoard information and have limited interests, try to keep balance by doing other hobbies and activities too.

You seem to be looking for role models to figure out who you want to be, trying their identity like clothes and hoping that they'd approve if they saw you. I never did that, but people usually learn by copying. I'm the kind that explores the wilderness, I look like a freak, but I can discover new paths. Just be careful to avoid thinking that you are them or that they are in your life in the same way as people who are actually there face to face.

I've been isolated a lot, and I coped with making stories for myself. They're never idealized, there's some conflict... The risk in imagining is to raise your expectations into something unreachable, becoming unable to have relationship with others or unsatisfying ones. I still have my imaginary friend... The way I see it now is that my subconscious rational brain uses it as a doorway to reach my consciousness, and comfort my emotional brain, since no one would... It gave me self care... but I expect the same honesty and respect from others as he was for me, and I tried doing that for others... But we have to put ourselves first, because if we are burnt out from abuse and die of neglect, we won't be able to help anyone.

So don't be ashamed of your interests and passions, just be careful not to break the balance with other activities, to forge your own identity, and as long as you enjoy it without harming others, there's no harm.

I had someone obsess over me... he used fake promises, lies and manipulations to make me give him more than what he wanted to give me, or even do for himself... He wanted a mommy to pamper his every whims like a baby... He wanted someone else to constantly pet his ego (narcissist!)... He sucked all the life out of me... He used guilt trips to coerce me to give him more than I wanted, than I could, making me put his wants above my needs... Until I forgot my own passions, who I was... and became empty inside... He refused to make the effort to even try to open up to me, so it felt like throwing my heart against a brick wall... He took... but all I got in return was promises for a future that would never come... Dreams weren't enough... I tried to make his come true and he got angry, aggressive, and rejected me, because even welcoming the result required an effort... I ran for my life and he kept emailing me everyday, in complete denial that I wasn't there anymore... I told him no, but he harassed me relentlessly, he wanted to break my limit... Threatened suicide, threatened me with death, then laughed that he'd never do that... He messed with my mind, chipped at my self esteem, willpower, sanity... To take everything from me, to have me as a slave... He never cared about me... He said that he wanted me (like a thing) even if I hated him (he wanted me to stay miserable and abused)... He didn't care that he broke my trust and heart because he was sure that he could make me give him whatever he wanted anyway... with emotional manipulation, begging, whining, like a poor little victim, when he was the aggressor... trying to use my very heart as a weapon against me... using my compassion as a chain to choke me when he had none for me... Now that's toxic obsession... He made new accounts to harass me when I blocked him, pretending to be someone else... Eventually I became so paranoid that I had to find a new place, new name, new avatar... So I could feel safe... so he wouldn't recognize me... Hopefully I won't fall for the next bait... By putting myself first and letting others take care of their own life.

So your obsession of a glorified celebrity for merely a month... it's harmless. It's just curiosity and interest. Just don't allow yourself to let it become full blown criminal obsession... by forgetting who you are or denying free will to others... If someone doesn't share the same interest and don't want to hear about it, it doesn't make you wrong. Everyone watches you all the time, and there are cameras everywhere... but people don't pay attention and don't care much about what you do... So feel free to discover the world and figure out who you want to be. Just don't be a close minded fanatic and you'll be fine. Try having variety to balance things out. Try being you, doing what you like, taking bits from many places instead to copy someone like a clone... And remember not to believe everything that you see and are told... everything has a downside... nothing is ever ideal... and that's natural. Don't expect perfection from yourself either.


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