# sex....



## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

i can't believe i'm posting this. i'm so embarassed.... :hide but i don't know who to ask in real life so i'm asking here...don't laugh please.....

ok, so...i've never had sex or fooled around or did anything...my point is that i'm very inexperienced when it comes to the more intimate stuff....

we all know what sex is and what is involved in it....like i've said before, i've never done it but i was curious as to what it felt like, so.....i tried to...you know..."finger" myself :fall :hide :afr :afr :afr (to whoever is reading this, please don't laugh...i'm already embarssed as it is.....), anyway, i don't know if there's something wrong with me or something but it really hurt and it was only in a few centimeters. not pleasant at all.


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## BMSMA1A2B3 (Apr 7, 2006)

opcorn


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

BMSMA1A2B3 said:


> opcorn


 :agree


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

All right guys... :roll 

It's okay to be uncomfortable with it. It can take a while to get in touch with your sensuality, feel comfortable with your body, and learn what you need to know about sex. I know plenty of women in their 40s who still haven't really got it. 

You might (if possible) order a book or two on female sexuality. There are some good ones out there -- look for something that's not raunchy or advanced, but just helps women get in touch with sensuality first, in connection with their bodies, and teaches you some basics, too. I wish I had some good suggestions, but I can't think of the titles. Search "female sexuality" at amazon, and you should be able to find some good ones. 

Good luck.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

LittleZion said:


> All right guys... :roll
> 
> It's okay to be uncomfortable with it. It can take a while to get in touch with your sensuality, feel comfortable with your body, and learn what you need to know about sex. I know plenty of women in their 40s who still haven't really got it.
> 
> ...


What was the name of that book eons ago, I keep thinking The Joy Of Sex, I think it was: OUR BODIES, OURSELF? I always thought that was a pretty decent book, it's an oldie.


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Well, i would teach you if i could... :b 

Really, i think it might be best to wait for some of our female members, perhaps get a few of them on PM and have them explain the inns and outs in detail (no pun intended, i hope), though for my part, i wouldn't mind to learn more about female sexuality.

It always seems sex is so difficoult for women, and yet they have no refractory period, which in itself it's an incredible gift and the mother of all woes of male sexuality...


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Off-topic, but why hasn't SAS set up a board to deal specifically with questions like these? They're very natural, and considering how inexperienced most of us are, would serve a useful purpose ...... however, threads like this one almost always get banned/locked. 

I don't understand it. I mean seriously, if you took a poll of the membership, I think they would favor having such a forum to post questions like this. Maybe it should be restricted (like the Gay & Lesbian board) to access only after application to a moderator, and maybe it should be strictly moderated for language and content, but I think such a board would be useful to SAS members and an enhancement to the site overall.


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Gumaro said:


> this forum was restricted before


You mean it's not restricted anymore?

I didn't know that. Was wondering why i was granted acess right out. It's been a long while since i had an account in this board, why did they lift the restriction?


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

Gumaro said:


> and to add to the original post, if you were wiggling your finger like a maniac then that would cause pain even to women that have been sexualy active for years


i wasn't wiggling my finger. i inserted it slowly but it hurt and was uncomfortable. and it wouldn't go in....


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Don't feel bad about asking. You're a woman who's going to have to face this eventually. Better to understand how you work before you get married and don't know anything.

From what I've heard and read, it's generally a good thing for a woman to get a idea of what does it for her(through masturbation and such) so that when she does get a partner she can help him understand on how to pleasure her successfully.

Well as for you feeling pain, you're probably not used to having anything happen there. You might also be rubbing against your hymen, which I've read that can be rather touchy part for virgins to deal with. Ease yourself into finding the right way to do it for you.

I really probably shouldn't get into too many details, but there are a few websites that deal with female sexuality(don't confuse them with porn sites) out there. 

As for what to do with a guy when you have one, my only suggestion at this point is to study up on how guys work. Look at sites, read a few books about, study the pictures. Heck, watch a few videos too if you can find any. (Then you'll see just how ridiculous people do look when in the act)

Point being, you got to explore your sexuality as a human being. Don't get ashamed of it. Everybody goes through the same hoops. Now if you really are having serious problems figuring why things aren't working the way they should and/or have extreme pain, that's what your gynocologist is for.

I know I'm a guy imparting this to you and it may seem odd, but it's only I've studied myself and how women work. (Gotta have something to do on lonely nights) I feel better knowing what i do for when the time comes. The knowledge in the area can only help you Karla. 
Good luck with it. :kiss


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

if you weren't aroused or thinking erotic thoughts when you did it, it wouldn't feel that great. it's mostly mental.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

Argo said:


> Off-topic, but why hasn't SAS set up a board to deal specifically with questions like these? They're very natural, and considering how inexperienced most of us are, would serve a useful purpose ...... however, threads like this one almost always get banned/locked.
> 
> I don't understand it. I mean seriously, if you took a poll of the membership, I think they would favor having such a forum to post questions like this. Maybe it should be restricted (like the Gay & Lesbian board) to access only after application to a moderator, and maybe it should be strictly moderated for language and content, but I think such a board would be useful to SAS members and an enhancement to the site overall.


I agree.


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

Cosmo is a girl's best friend...

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,s4jv,00.html


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I find your post really enlightening, Karla. A male's perspective (well, my own inexperienced perspective) doesn't often get to see this side of things. 

Just a quick google search came up with several results. I won't link directly to what I found, but in addition to Nyx's link, (clitical.com) also looks like a comprehensive resource for females.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

The Mods will discuss it and if we agree, this thread will be unlocked.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Terms of Service said:


> You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, or any other material that may violate any applicable laws.


Keep it clean. Remember - Don't post anything that you wouldn't want your 10 year old sister reading!


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

thanks for unlocking it. i'm sure i'm not the only one with these types of questions....at least i hope i'm not the only one


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## grant (Mar 19, 2005)

I feel that it is shame that western society has placed such a taboo on sex. Its perfectly natural, but the taboo has created so much stress for those with SA that the process of losing one's virginity can quite trying. Ultimately you need to understand that sex itself is not that big of a deal. Coitus should be viewed just as another part of the progression of a normal healthy relationship. By placing the act on a pedestal, sex is viewed in an unrealistic light. The significance it has been assigned can be attributed direct to culture, the media, and the shameful tactics of the Catholic Church in the past. 

I think it is important to stop worrying about losing your virginity and rather focus on finding a partner with whom you are compatable. Sex will come in time. If you trust your partner, and they understand your needs, I promise that it will not go as badly as you think. 

I was surprised after the first time I had sex. I had expected a lot more. However, it ended up not being a huge deal for me.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

grant said:


> I feel that it is shame that western society has placed such a taboo on sex. Its perfectly natural, but the taboo has created so much stress for those with SA that the process of losing one's virginity can quite trying. Ultimately you need to understand that sex itself is not that big of a deal. Coitus should be viewed just as another part of the progression of a normal healthy relationship. By placing the act on a pedestal, sex is viewed in an unrealistic light. The significance it has been assigned can be attributed direct to culture, the media, and the shameful tactics of the Catholic Church in the past.
> 
> I think it is important to stop worrying about losing your virginity and rather focus on finding a partner with whom you are compatable. Sex will come in time. If you trust your partner, and they understand your needs, I promise that it will not go as badly as you think.
> 
> I was surprised after the first time I had sex. I had expected a lot more. However, it ended up not being a huge deal for me.


good post but, to bad it had nothing to do with what she asked.

now to awnser her question, practice practice practice, you'll find out soon enough what you like.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

GTI79 said:


> now to awnser her question, practice practice practice, you'll find out soon enough what you like.


 :agree Keep practicing. I was in the same boat as you, Karla. I thought there was something wrong with me. Turns out, there was nothing wrong. My school did a horrible job teaching me sex education. I couldn't even identify some parts of my own anatomy :um . I think to discourage teens from having sex, the schools focus entirely on the baby-making aspects and not the pleasure. And for females, those are two different catergories. Thanks to some educational books and websites, I know a lot more. I encourage you to read, read, read and practice by yourself before getting involved with a guy.


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

realspark, the book is called Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective, and they just came out with a new edition last year. It's a great book for women's health and wellness! I got to read parts of it for a class last semester.

Karla, where were you "fingering" yourself? You may have been hitting the labia and not your vagina, which I would think would allow for more than a few centimeters. Have you ever tried putting a tampon in? That might be a good way to get more comfortable with your body.
And also, I think most women don't get off on vaginal penetration, so you may want to experiment with other things (like the clitoris).

Most importantly, relax!  I agree that doing some research and practicing will give good results.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Some women get nervous and experience somethign called "vaginismus," which is a clamping down associated with pain. Not sure if that applies, but I thought I'd mention it. 

And btw, there's no way I'd let my 10 year old sister see any of this thread! ack!


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

LittleZion said:


> And btw, there's no way I'd let my 10 year old sister see any of this thread! ack!


I don't if I'd intentionally show my (imaginary) 10-year-old sister, but I think this is all totally okay for her to read. I'd rather she know her own body and how it works before she got to my age! There's such a taboo on girls and their sexuality.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

archaic said:


> LittleZion said:
> 
> 
> > And btw, there's no way I'd let my 10 year old sister see any of this thread! ack!
> ...


Guess I'm old-fashioned. This seems like too much for a 10 year old.


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

It's always scary at first... I am a masturbating pro, so if you have any questions PM me and I can give you advice. I don't want to get the thread locked. :b


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## yums (Jan 22, 2006)

Karla,
I've experienced exactly what you have before so yes you are definitely not alone. When I first tried to finger myself I did it for the exact same reason as you because I was a virgin and wanted to know how it felt to be penetrated. And also like you it hurt for me when I tried to put my finger in even though it barely went in. I was turned on at the time but I think since my vaginal muscles were not used to anything being in there and weren't stretched out it hurt. It's like trying to touch your toes. The first couple of times it's going to hurt and you won't reach your toes because your muscles haven't been used that way but eventually with consistent practice you'll be able to do it and it won't hurt or feel uncomfortable. The only way I got over this was to keep on practicing fingering myself using lubrication (my own vaginal lubrication or Vaseline) moving my finger in slowly, a millimeter at a time until it started to hurt. Then I would back up and try again. I did this on multiple occasions until it didn't hurt to have one or more fingers in my vagina. 

I would not mind if my ten year old sister or brother viewed this thread at all because it's educational. I would actually encourage them to read up on these kinds of topics because at that age I had many questions that needed to be answered. Plus since anything to do with sexuality was considered bad or dirty I experienced extreme guilt when I masturbated and didn't even know there was a name for what I was doing. I thought I was the only one who touched themselves. I think we should talk about these things with kids because sexuality starts at a very early age.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Gumaro said:


> you make it sound like women get more than just clitoral and vaginal orgasms...?


Supposily there are 4 or 5 different ways for females to get off. Not that I've ever had the oppurtunity try any of them on a girl though. It's amazing how much information is on the net.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

No one has said anything about the G spot. Females don't stimulate the G spot during self service? If not, why? I ask Because I know if you put enough pressure on the G spot during sex she'll have an explosive, screaming orgasm...More intense than a clitoral stimulated O.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Gumaro said:


> Classified said:
> 
> 
> > Gumaro said:
> ...


Breast stimulation should be an obvious one. I've heard it might be possible through a foot massage under the right circumstances...


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

Scrub Ducky said:


> No one has said anything about the G spot. Females don't stimulate the G spot during self service? If not, why? I ask Because I know if you put enough pressure on the G spot during sex she'll have an explosive, screaming orgasm...More intense than a clitoral stimulated O.


A lot of women have no idea where their g-spots are (admittedly, I'm one of them). I think they're generally deeper inside and not so accessible through masturbation.

And I think the feet and genitals are connected, so the foot thing you mentioned, FreeSoul, makes sense.


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## salty (Mar 21, 2006)

FreeSoul said:


> I've heard it might be possible through a foot massage under the right circumstances...


this has happened with someone i know, so yeah, it is at least possible with some girls.


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