# I'm not attracted to her to at all.....should I even go "out" with her?



## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

I've got quite the problem here and I'm trying to do it with the least amount of hurting for one side as possible.

I've been talking to this girl who lives 20 miles away for awhile now on a dating site. She seems as cool as you can seem on a website with no voice. We have some things in common, but not everything, but she still seemed interested in hearing about my things even though she flat out said she doesn't enjoy them.

I'd be getting excited if I was even remotely attracted to this girl, but no matter what I do I can't find her physically attractive. I always beat myself up over this because I tend to think I'm shallow, but she's a bit on the heavy side and I'm not. She's not fat, don't get me wrong, just a little bit chubbier than chubby. She's 5'5" which is the perfect height, it's just the weight and just her general expression that I can't find sexy.

Now the real problem. One of my biggest regrets in life was not stepping in and stopping the bullying, teasing, and intentional hurting of kids when I was in school. I was pretty high on the social ladder (3 sport athlete) and if I had stepped in, it would have stopped. Yet I never did. I never made fun of anyone or actively participated in it, but I was too afraid of losing the respect of others by stepping in. If it were now, I'd step in every time and hang out with the "losers".

Anyway, I say that because this girl seems to know what it's like to be made fun of. She's not that fat, I want to stress this, but she was a cheerleader in HS and I get the feeling that she was a bit isolated from some of the others and the crowds might have messed with her. To top it all off, she hasn't been on a date since her big brother died a few years ago.



Yea....it's bad. This girl is the one who showed interest in me first and messaged me. I like to be nice and always reply to any message I get, so I did and we've talking ever since. I get the feeling that she's starting to like me because she keeps throwing in "What if we were out dancing." "What if we were sitting on a couch." etc.

I'm not against hanging out with her, I'd actually enjoy it. However, with no attracted at all going on, what do I do if she starts to push things?

I can't flat out tell this girl I'm not attracted to her. After her past and after her brother ending her "love life", which was brief and filled with hurt apparently from the start, doing that to her would be terrible.

If it ended up with me having to tell her that I'm not attracted to her I'd be destroyed. When I see someone else get rejected or hurt like that I feel it almost as much as them. I've always been like that, which is why I'd even blush when other people gave speeches in class. I just have a very strong sense of empathy, and it sucks.


The only thing I could do to get out of this without hurting her is to make her not like me, but that's not something I've ever done and isn't the most honest. I made a major change in my life over the past couple months and one of those changes was to be more honest and open. Would breaking that rule here be justified if it meant I might spare her feelings?



She's already given me her phone number and has talked about going out soon. I haven't called her yet, but might tonight. I just don't know what to do. 

If you have any tips, please keep in mind that I'd rather do something that hurts me than do anything that might make this girl's fragile self-esteem fall any further. I feel like she's just now getting back to liking herself. Me punching a hole through that would no be something I could forgive myself for.



Any Ideas? Fake my death? Tell her I have AIDs? Anything?

Thanks


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Chubbier than chubby = fat.

Chubby is halfway between "normal" weight and fat.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I would just say that you only want to be friends, she should get the hint if you say it a few times.Tough situation been there before, i feel terrible about hurting others feelings.


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## Chris16 (Nov 1, 2010)

I'm sure more experienced people than me will reply, so I'll just encourage you to take the first step and admit that the wrong path is certainly to_ not_ proceed with anything even remotely romantic if you don't have romantic feelings. I feel like you know this but are on the fence and afraid to say it. I'll just encourage you to start there.


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

well..u can go out and make a disaster,in that way shel just lose interest in u without u having to stab her feelings.


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## listener123 (May 31, 2011)

First off, I feel you on this one man - having a ton of empathy is part of what makes us good people, I think, but SA takes it to an exteme level that can paralyze us. It's great that you care. 

As for advice, I think the key is not leading her on. Part of the problem may be that by communicating back and forth, it's giving her a false hope. I'm not sure in that case whether a phone call is helpful. If you're just looking for a friendship, it's better for her to know that earlier. 

But ugh- that doesn't make handling it any easier, I realize. You'll be kind I'm sure.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Tell her she has to go on a diet before she can date u. XD


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

TPower said:


> Chubbier than chubby = fat.
> 
> Chubby is halfway between "normal" weight and fat.


Way to focus on the important part...thank you very much.

And it depends on where you live. I've seen some girls way fatter than this girl, but I've also seen some not quite thin/normal girls who are a bit thinner.

She's about this size, but probably a little shorter. This is a picture of a girl standing in a pool in a one piece suit, so only click if you aren't at work

Possibly NSFW http://i754.photobucket.com/albums/xx188/Akiba0623/1270965114680.jpg Possibly NSFW!!


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## redtogo72 (Jun 7, 2008)

Unless she has told you these things, it seems like you assume a bit too much about her: that she has low self-esteem; alienated from her cheerleader squad; bullied; and so on. All these scenarios you play out to let her know you aren't interested.. Are they more for you protecting her or for you protecting yourself? 

She's a big girl (no pun intended!), and can handle the truth as long as you do it respectfully. She's on a dating site after all. Don't string her along, don't lie to her, or ignore her. I'd tell her the truth that there's no physical attraction, and maybe see if you can still be friends (if that's what you both want). If it doesn't work out, then that's the way it goes.

I know it's tough getting turned down or turning down others. But that's part of dating, relationships, etc. Which makes me want to stay far far away from it!


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

redtogo72 said:


> Unless she has told you these things, it seems like you assume a bit too much about her: that she has low self-esteem; alienated from her cheerleader squad; bullied; and so on. All these scenarios you play out to let her know you aren't interested.. Are they more for you protecting her or for you protecting yourself?
> 
> She's a big girl (no pun intended!), and can handle the truth as long as you do it respectfully. She's on a dating site after all. Don't string her along, don't lie to her, or ignore her. I'd tell her the truth that there's no physical attraction, and maybe see if you can still be friends (if that's what you both want). If it doesn't work out, then that's the way it goes.
> 
> I know it's tough getting turned down or turning down others. But that's part of dating, relationships, etc. Which makes me want to stay far far away from it!


She doesn't have to tell me directly. I'm not going to tell you what she said, but it's fairly obvious. Hell one of the reasons she sent me a message in the first place because I had "I rarely go out anymore" in my profile, which at the time was true, but I've made some major changes recently and am way more social.

Which is kind of the reason I kept talking to her, and kind of why I would like to hang out. I don't want to make her sound like a charity case, because she's not. She's completely normal. She just is a bit like I was awhile back and, I guess I would've liked someone to go out with. Although I'm not sure how a girl asking me out and then not accepting any advances of mine would make me feel.

I shouldn't have kept talking to her in the first place. I never ignore messages because I feel if someone puts themselves out on the line like that to show they're interested, they at least deserve something back. Which this girl did. She wrote a pretty damn good first message and was very mature about how she doesn't go out as much as she wished. Maybe she was able to say that because she saw almost the same thing in my profile, but it still takes a lot of guts to put that out to a stranger on the internet.

I only see two "acceptable" options right now:

1. Make my messages shorter and shorter until I just kinda fade away. This isn't the best since being ignored is never fun.

2. Make her not like me so much. I wouldn't be able to be rude or anything, but I might be able to do subtle things that she might not like.

I'm guessing that promising to go out with her if she lets me train her and drops quite a few pounds would be a bit more hurtful than just saying let's just be friends......

I mean no offense to anyone overweight with this thread or any responses. I've had a few other questions regarding overweight girls and dating, but was always too afraid to post them here in case someone's feelings got hurt.

I just want to reiterate one more time. Not all overweight people are unattractive. Plenty of people are considered overweight but are still as healthy as everyone else and a lot of overweight girls can be hot as hell if they know what they're doing. It's just that some people do not look good overweight. You can tell it's not their natural body shape. I was one of those people. 235 iwas not good for me. Especially since I'm 160 now and still have some love-handles.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

If you can't get over her faults then don;t

How would you feel if you read a thread like this pertaining to your lackings.

Come on.. that's so cruel.

You're better than that and let her find someone who will fully appreciate her, unless you can change your thoughts around and realize your concerns about her weren't really relevant.. but if they are.. and sometimes you just cant help but be unattracted nothing wrong with that.. just move on.. its best for both of you

good luck


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Xeros said:


> She doesn't have to tell me directly. I'm not going to tell you what she said, but it's fairly obvious. Hell one of the reasons she sent me a message in the first place because I had "I rarely go out anymore" in my profile, which at the time was true, but I've made some major changes recently and am way more social.
> 
> Which is kind of the reason I kept talking to her, and kind of why I would like to hang out. I don't want to make her sound like a charity case, because she's not. She's completely normal. She just is a bit like I was awhile back and, I guess I would've liked someone to go out with. Although I'm not sure how a girl asking me out and then not accepting any advances of mine would make me feel.
> 
> ...


Ouchie lol

Yeah honestly is the best policy.. im not saing youre superficial u mentioned how not all overweight bc are unattractive but if this one is u shouldnt have to change anyone to date them u should take them as is.. lol... say you prefer friends even if it hurts its a catch 22 its gunna suck either way get it over with


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## rainbowOne (Sep 26, 2010)

Honestly... you need to make it clear that you're not interested in her. The longer you talk to her without telling, the more you'll be getting her hopes up. 
I dunno if you like someone else? If you do, start talking to her about the person you like. If you don't... well, make someone up or something? That might be an easy way to break it to her. 
I don't think going out with her, even as just friends, would work until you've told her that you aren't looking to have her as a girlfriend. If she's thinking that you two are almost dating... you're just encouraging her.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

You sound like a really caring, considerate guy. I can see why she would be drawn to you.

Unfortunately there's no way of letting her know that you aren't interested in more without most likely hurting her feelings at least a bit, but it's the right thing to do. The sooner the better, and before you guys meet up. It's hard and it sucks, but rejection is simply part of the dating world.

I don't think you should act like someone you aren't to make her dislike you. Rather, I'd suggest a bit of a white lie to minimize hurting her feelings. Perhaps, as someone above said, make up another girl who you have clicked with. Or you could take a more honest approach and say that you just feel a connection as friends but nothing more. However you break it to her, I'm sure you'll do it as kindly as possible, and that's all you can do.

Good luck.


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> If you can't get over her faults then don;t
> 
> How would you feel if you read a thread like this pertaining to your lackings.
> 
> ...


How's it cruel? I'm on an anonymous name, under a pseudonym that's used nowhere else, and I used no specifics about her that if she were to stumble upon this would think it's her. Cruel would be sending her a link to this and laughing.

Asking how to keep from hurting her feelings isn't cruel.


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

layitontheline said:


> You sound like a really caring, considerate guy. I can see why she would be drawn to you.
> 
> Unfortunately there's no way of letting her know that you aren't interested in more without most likely hurting her feelings at least a bit, but it's the right thing to do. The sooner the better, and before you guys meet up. It's hard and it sucks, but rejection is simply part of the dating world.
> 
> ...


After years and years of lying I told myself I wasn't going to, but telling her that I only see her as a friend doesn't seem like an option. We've been talking for too long for that. It's my fault for leading her on this far. Although to be honest, I didn't even think about anything more than just chatting. I completely forgot I was talking to her on a dating site.

I've gotten some awards from some other girls that are visible on my profile for everyone, plus I've gone out with one of those girls a few times, so maybe using that is the way to go. Even though it's not technically anything more than a few dates so far.

Or I could just go all psycho and start admitting crazy things. Screw my ego and reputation right?

I don't mean to come off as the "Oh my god I'm so much of a stud that there are too many women for me to handle and I must make the difficult decision of breaking one's heart. I cannot!"

I'm not that at all. If I showed you some of our conversations we had you'd know that while she is cool and obviously normal, has had problems with her weight in the past. I made the stupid mistake of mentioning to her how I lost 50 lbs. That wasn't good.

Thanks for the advice. I still kinda want to hang out with her just for the hell of it, but that'd be selfish on my part when I know that, barring an extreme turn of events, nothing would ever go past that.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Xeros said:


> How's it cruel? I'm on an anonymous name, under a pseudonym that's used nowhere else, and I used no specifics about her that if she were to stumble upon this would think it's her. Cruel would be sending her a link to this and laughing.
> 
> Asking how to keep from hurting her feelings isn't cruel.


You take the one word 'cruel' personally and ignore the entire message and point ... thanks lol.... ugh.

It's cruel to pretend you like someone if you don't. That's basic. You would be ticked off if someone did that to you and you found out.. it's deceitful. Doesn't matter if it's online or otherwise..

And the fact you made this thread and are asking for help about it shows youre not a total a-hole otherwise you would just go ahead and mess with her head so it wasnt even like a punch in your face... im speaking of generalities.. if you went through with it.. IF *keyword*.. then that would be ****ing mean man lol


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> You take the one word 'cruel' personally and ignore the entire message and point ... thanks lol.... ugh.
> 
> It's cruel to pretend you like someone if you don't. That's basic. You would be ticked off if someone did that to you and you found out.. it's deceitful. Doesn't matter if it's online or otherwise..
> 
> And the fact you made this thread and are asking for help about it shows youre not a total a-hole otherwise you would just go ahead and mess with her head so it wasnt even like a punch in your face... im speaking of generalities.. if you went through with it.. IF *keyword*.. then that would be ****ing mean man lol


Your whole post was about me being "cruel". Just because you used the word does not make the whole post have a major theme...

Where did I say I ever led her to believe I liked her. I just had a conversation. Nothing flirtatious, nothing at all. I have 10+ people on these sites who I just hold conversations with. Talking does not equal "OMGZORZ CRUSH!"

She sent me a message first. So she showed interest before I even knew she existed. All I've done is be polite and answer questions.


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

..Men may be a little clueless as to when a girl is interested, but we're not complete idiots (most of the time). I'm going to say that the OP has picked up on all of the signs.

I have a close friend whom I am not physically attracted to in the least. She's a great person and we get along well, but outside of talk, I have not shown any interest. It's come up on one occasion and I said bluntly that I wasn't interested. If it were to come up again I would have to address that issue, but otherwise we just enjoy our friendship for what it is. That also means, however, that I stay away from her best friend. 

Ohhh it hurts so much to be this sexy.  LOL. Seriously though, it can be a tricky situation to maneuver and if you don't need another friend, I would think that it's best to cut your ties now. Sometimes being an ******* in the short-term is actually being the good-guy in the long-term.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I would suggest to offer friendship, but since shes on a dating site, Id guess she's looking for a partner, not a friend. I dont think you should offer friendship. Think of a way to boil down a conversation, and say that you dont feel that things would work out...and wish her luck. Thats all. Hopefully she will understand. 

At this point, theres nothing you can do to make her feel better about being rejected. 
Next time, I wouldnt suggest giving a false hope to the other person. 
Good luck!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Xeros said:


> Your whole post was about me being "cruel". Just because you used the word does not make the whole post have a major theme...
> 
> Where did I say I ever led her to believe I liked her. I just had a conversation. Nothing flirtatious, nothing at all. I have 10+ people on these sites who I just hold conversations with. Talking does not equal "OMGZORZ CRUSH!"
> 
> She sent me a message first. So she showed interest before I even knew she existed. All I've done is be polite and answer questions.


you are definitely a right fighter.
I'm not trying to argue I was on your SIDE lmao geez. I said yes tell her the truth so you WONT BE CRUEL.. it's cruel to consider lying to someone but you're making a thread for advice bc you would rather not and just feel weird to say no or w/e... I didnt say you had bad intentions. The fact you are spazzing out is definitely annoying though. I wont bother trying to help you out anymore........ :\


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Xeros* 
_Your whole post was about me being "cruel". Just because you used the word does not make the whole post have a major theme..._

_Where did I say I ever led her to believe I liked her. I just had a conversation. Nothing flirtatious, nothing at all. I have 10+ people on these sites who I just hold conversations with. Talking does not equal "OMGZORZ CRUSH!"_

_She sent me a message first. So she showed interest before I even knew she existed. All I've done is be polite and answer questions._

Just a thought about this post, Xeros.

Maybe you dont feel you sent the wrong signals, but the other person might. Since youve kept up the conversations, she is taking that as a sign of INTEREST.

You never know how the other person will react to a simple conversation.

Conversations=interest
No convo=no interest


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## Surrender (Jul 19, 2010)

Dear God.
I've been in both situations. One I was interested in the guy and he was not attracted to me and a couple where the guy was interested and I was not interested in him.
I would tell her that I really enjoyed chatting with her but that I could only see her as an online friend. Then maybe keep chatting with her as friends if she's willing and just never meet up. Who knows maybe you could give her workout advice and she'll slim down and turn into a hot chick.....then maybe you could proceed with meeting up and seeing where it went. Either way, just tell her you're either not interested or only interested as friends.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Xeros said:


> Possibly NSFW http://i754.photobucket.com/albums/xx188/Akiba0623/1270965114680.jpg Possibly NSFW!!


If she looks anything like that, and you don't want her... I'll take her.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

I wasn't attracted to my husband physically when we first met. But the more we hung out together the more physically attracted I became to him. 

I would say give it a whirl. Sometimes that's all it takes.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

jsgt said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by *Xeros*
> _Your whole post was about me being "cruel". Just because you used the word does not make the whole post have a major theme..._
> 
> ...


plus the fact its on a dating website...
i mean come on xeros lol


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

From experience, people always look _worse_ in person. I can't tell exactly why.

Probably because most people upload their best pictures and angles.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Dude, anyone can lose weight. 

Not everyone has a cool personality. If you like her personality and she's cool, that's the most important thing. Heck if she likes you, she'd probably listen to you regarding her weight if you are straight up with her. Motivation so to speak. I guess you guys are still "dating" and haven't gone out at all. It's fair game until either one of you indicates a commitment. 

I wouldn't discount her because "she's a little chubby." I guess everyone want different things but because you have SA, I think you prefer a relationship with more substance. At least go out on a date with her before deciding, get some dating experience on your belt.

I totally feel for the chick. I haven't had a girlfriend since my father died. It's tough to get back in the scene when you lost someone you deeply love. I'm not saying do it for the sake of it because that's cruel in itself. I'm just saying don't discount her on how she looks now. Things change man.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> Dude, anyone can lose weight.


Yeah, but do they want to?

Not necessarily. My ex was a bit overweight, I thought she was attractive, but I also thought she'd be hotter with 10-15 pounds less.

But here's the trick? How do you tell her you'd like her to lose weight? HOW? Odds are, she already knows she's overweight, and _breaking it_ to her can only make things worse between the two of you.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I'm torn here. Actually really torn.

Part of me is like dude, just tell her straight up you aren't interested. It's like ripping off a bandaid and SO much better than getting her hopes up. Leading her on - as it's obvious you both know she's interested - would be cruel. Just tell her like it is.

But. 
I am a chubby girl. I think I'm pretty cool, and nice and junk, but not that attractive because I'm overweight. It actually makes me really sad that you admit she is an awesome person and yet dating her is totally out of the question because she is "chubby". It so often seems extra pounds on a girl are a death sentence for her dating life. 

The chubby girl in me wants you to go out on at least one date with her, to see if you can look past this flaw and maybe get to like her, since you get along so well. People are willing to overlook lots of other flaws, but it never seems to be a girl's weight. I don't know, I just think personality should be more important than appearance and based on her personality she seems to be worth a date or two.

I don't know, I'm too clouded by personal baggage on this one.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Xeros said:


> Possibly NSFW http://i754.photobucket.com/albums/xx188/Akiba0623/1270965114680.jpg Possibly NSFW!!


That's actually pretty hot if you ask me. :b If she's anything like that, point her my way if you don't want her.

However, if you don't feel any sort of attraction, make it clear to her now. 
It happened to me, after 2 and a half month, that I found out the girl I was seeing wasn't that into me. Best to immediatly tell her, because it's not fun to only hear that after a while.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

The thing is everyone as a person has their idea of what constitutes fat/overweight or what constitutes too skinny or weak. It's better to be straight up. On OK cupid when you do the questionaire thingy and you indicate where you stand regarding whether weight is a deal breaker, the question is whether the OP was truthful about it and indicated as such? If you answered it's not a problem but then you say "oh it's a major issue" it's basically lying. But assuming by what the OP said so far, I think he's playing it straight. 

But attraction is an interesting concept. Ironically I have a crush on a woman who's everything I detest. A fashion queen, fishing for a doctor or a lawyer to marry. But I would die for her tomorrow as stupid as it sounds. I would die for someone who wouldn't give me the time of day. That's how overwhelmed I am for her.


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## reno316 (Jun 13, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> I'm torn here. Actually really torn.
> 
> Part of me is like dude, just tell her straight up you aren't interested. It's like ripping off a bandaid and SO much better than getting her hopes up. Leading her on - as it's obvious you both know she's interested - would be cruel. Just tell her like it is.
> 
> ...


There are plenty of men out there who are physically attracted to that type of woman. It's not a death sentence at all.

case in point:


Peter Attis said:


> If she looks anything like that, and you don't want her... I'll take her.


To the OP. If you're not physically attracted to her don't waste her time or yours. You're trying to force something that's not there. And there is some guy out there who would be crazy about her. So don't feel bad. Let her down easy.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

Yes, she is a bigger girl, but she's not unattractive. She has a very pretty face. I would say go out with her at least once. Maybe you'll at least make a new friend. imo, it's impossible to gauge attraction over the internet...you really have to meet them in person. A guy on OKC asked me to go out with him to a baseball game about 2 months ago, we had been talking for about a month. I honestly wasn't sure if I was attracted to him or not. So we went out and had a nice time, but nope no attraction. (but he liked me.) Your confidence will go up anyway, even if your feelings are confirmed. I think everyone has to know these things are common sense...people are never exactly the same over the internet.


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## thequietmanuk (Feb 20, 2011)

I would say go out with her once, you'll know how if you've made a mistake or not, but certainly don't do what I did in my thread IE stay with her because your desperate.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

And again, sometimes you may not be physically attracted to someone at first but the more you get to know them the more physically attracted you become to them. If after three, well spaced dates, things haven't changed, then you might consider breaking it off, but I'd give it a chance.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Just goes to show how hypocritical this is.

Most women wouldn't give a second look to a man who's too short, too skinny or too poor for their tastes. On the other hand, men should _give it a shot anyway_ if the girl is too fat.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

TPower said:


> Most women wouldn't give a second look to a man who's too short, too skinny or too poor for their tastes.


Wrong. Try again.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

I guess either you gotta give her a chance or if there's definitely not gonna be any attraction then you need to let her know somehow, otherwise you're leading her on and being an *** (even if unintentional).



Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> Dude, anyone can lose weight.
> 
> Not everyone has a cool personality. If you like her personality and she's cool, that's the most important thing. Heck if she likes you, she'd probably listen to you regarding her weight if you are straight up with her. Motivation so to speak. I guess you guys are still "dating" and haven't gone out at all. It's fair game until either one of you indicates a commitment.
> 
> ...


That's true, but, other than myself, i only know one or two people that stick with exercise consistently. Obviously that figure's gonna be higher if you hang out in the gym lol, but in general, the average populace, not many people stick with a rigorous exercise routine. It's rare. I guess dieting works too though, which is probably more common.

Saying that, I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl who's curvy  Overweight, as in really obese, that's bad, but some extra pounds, if she's awesome who cares?


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> Wrong. Try again.


Height is the biggest deal-breaker of the three. I've read a lot of horror stories from short men, who can't get themselves a date and are still virgins after 40 years on this planet.


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

Metalunatic said:


> That's actually pretty hot if you ask me. :b If she's anything like that, point her my way if you don't want her.
> 
> However, if you don't feel any sort of attraction, make it clear to her now.
> It happened to me, after 2 and a half month, that I found out the girl I was seeing wasn't that into me. Best to immediatly tell her, because it's not fun to only hear that after a while.


dude. I am with you there! She's a hottie.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

That's not her actual picture.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

That girl is definitely beyond what I'd call thick.. she''s prob got an obese bmi... but for some reason I dont really care either.. she has a nice face and she has shape still.. Lots of shape i.e. check out the front haha
Shes a hotttie


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

I knew I shouldn't have posted that picture. It's nothing personal, but no one ever reads after they see the word "picture" and a link.

That's not her. That was an example of her body type.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

^ LOL, advice fail.

regardless, get together with her once and see what happens


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

I read that it wasn't her! Do i get a prize? lol


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## InThe519 (Sep 21, 2009)

kathy903 said:


> If you can't get over her faults then don;t
> 
> How would you feel if you read a thread like this pertaining to your lackings.
> 
> ...


so much for what I was gonna say 

well said


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Hey, I did say "if she's anything *like* that", so you can't blame me because I knew that pic wasn't her... :tiptoe


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

InThe519 said:


> so much for what I was gonna say
> 
> well said


Thank you.

Unfortunately though xeros decided to poop his pants over the word CRUEL and missed the entire point. It was a fruitless effort.. at least I saved you the typing lol XD


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

and BMI isn't all folks. Gotta take body fat into consideration. My BMI is technically obese, but I have 19% body fat, go figure.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

artandis said:


> Really? I don't think she has an obese BMI. That's basically what I look like (cept my chest isn't as big) and my BMI is like 25.5 which is JUST into the overweight category.


Really?
I've been bmi of 25-27 or so, overweight for sure, and did not look like that and Im built the same.. basically big boobs and what not.. I guess revenwyn is right and bmi is hard to say whos obese and whos not.... anyway the girl is hot.. so your hot then too !!!!!


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## artandis (Jun 5, 2011)

kathy903 said:


> Really?
> I've been bmi of 25-27 or so, overweight for sure, and did not look like that and Im built the same.. basically big boobs and what not.. I guess revenwyn is right and bmi is hard to say whos obese and whos not.... anyway the girl is hot.. so your hot then too !!!!!


Haha thanks :b I guess everyones built differently. I might be smaller than her as well though (I'm bad at judging my size) but similar-ish proportions (except chest)


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

artandis said:


> Haha thanks :b I guess everyones built differently. I might be smaller than her as well though (I'm bad at judging my size) but similar-ish proportions (except chest)


Yeah from your pics you definitely look smaller than her
Youre a sexy girl you could weight 20lbs up or down wouldnt make a damn difference lol... unlress the guy or girl is an idiot


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## contranigma (Jun 24, 2009)

I am in basically the same boat as you, my friend. That picture you posted as an example, though, I found quite sexy. See I don't mind chubby so much if it's like a proportional thing, but I really don't find it attractive when there is a semi-normal size upper half followed by a ballooned out bottom.


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> Thank you.
> 
> Unfortunately though xeros decided to poop his pants over the word CRUEL and missed the entire point. It was a fruitless effort.. at least I saved you the typing lol XD


You seem to be more offended that I called you out on your response more than I actually cared about what you said.



> If you can't get over her faults then don;t
> 
> How would you feel if you read a thread like this pertaining to your lackings.
> 
> Come on.. that's so cruel.


You said it was cruel to make this thread, even though it's completely anonymous on both ends. 
Then when I call you out on it, you said that it's cruel to pretend like I like someone, even though I never did and only answered questions. Hell I even told her I was going on a date with a different girl.

Poop my pants and miss the point? Hardly. I got your point and quickly wrote it off because it made no sense at all. I never led her on, she contacted me first, and I have never said anything remotely close to showing interest in anything other than talking online. It says right in both our profiles that we are looking for "online friends" along with the regular dating. It's not my fault she started saying things about getting together.

You're obviously hung up on this as it's 2 pages later and you're still talking about it, so I don't expect any type of admission that you might have been wrong. But calling what I did cruel even though I am trying to find a way to let her down as easily as possible after contemplating giving her a shot despite the lack of current attraction is not my definition of cruel. Maybe you have a different definition for it that I'm not aware of.

I don't know why you assume that I led her on when I specifically said I just had general chats with her and never said anything even close to flirty. I talk to a girl from the UK about politics on the same site as well, should I hurry up and end it because I'm obviously sending out waves of signals and flirtations when talking about the British House of Commons.........


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

contranigma said:


> I am in basically the same boat as you, my friend. That picture you posted as an example, though, I found quite sexy. See I don't mind chubby so much if it's like a proportional thing, but I really don't find it attractive when there is a semi-normal size upper half followed by a ballooned out bottom.


Yea exactly. Some girls are naturally big and that's probably the best look for them. I can easily find them attractive.

However, so girls let themselves go after their school life and get bigger than their ideal natural weight. These girls are not attractive to me.

A few people have seemed a little offended by me saying I wasn't attracted to this one girl because she was overweight. I said it earlier in a reply and I'll say it again. Being overweight does not automatically exclude you from being attractive to me. Looking like you were at one time more fit and are now fat usually does. It just doesn't look good or healthy when some people gain that much weight.

I gained 50+ lbs after high school and looked terrible. I never got any attention from girls. Now that I'm back and even below my high school weight, I've gotten a few dates and plenty of interest from girls.

Yet my friend, who's been fat his whole life, has always had girlfriends. He looks best a bit fat and would probably look weird if he dropped down to my weight. It just really depends on the person. Health also plays a role.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Paragon said:


> I guess either you gotta give her a chance or if there's definitely not gonna be any attraction then you need to let her know somehow, otherwise you're leading her on and being an *** (even if unintentional).
> 
> That's true, but, other than myself, i only know one or two people that stick with exercise consistently. Obviously that figure's gonna be higher if you hang out in the gym lol, but in general, the average populace, not many people stick with a rigorous exercise routine. It's rare. I guess dieting works too though, which is probably more common.
> 
> Saying that, I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl who's curvy  Overweight, as in really obese, that's bad, but some extra pounds, if she's awesome who cares?


Exactly. I saw the picture and it further confirms my point. Imagine if one day, being with you, she decided she wants to melt those pounds to look more sexy for you. But yet her personality remained cool because she remembered the time she was fat and ridiculed for it. You don't know what happens down the road. But it wouldn't hurt, don't burn bridges. Just don't cross them if you want to.


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