# It's hard to talk about feelings



## Crystsal (Mar 31, 2011)

I've been seeing my therapist for a long while now. And well the problem I have is well you know how in the beginning they always ask you "how are you feeling?" and my response is always "fine just a bit tired" or "fine just very tired'" 

The problem with this is before I get to the place I'm always feeling something. And I'm always thinking when she asks me how i'm feeling I'm going to say the truth. And I never do. I put on a wall and act like I'm fine. 

I was taught from a young age to say your fine when you really aren't. And even though I'm a girl..to "man up" even when life is crummy. All put into my head from my older brother. Its like engraved in my mind. *sigh*

I really want to be able to express my feelings and truelly be like "no I don't feel fine. I feel...." Do you have any suggestions or steps I can do to help in this situation?


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I have the same problem, except I don't have a therapist. But I have definitely been conditioned not to ever express anything besides the standard positive "I'm good, and how are you?" I'm sure a lot of people are the same way. 

Anyway, have you tried writing it down? Make some notes about how you've been feeling that week, then when your therapist asks you can refer to your notes on how you've been feeling. Some people find that kind of visual aid can help break the ice. Plus I'm sure your therapist would understand. It seems like a therapy session is the perfect place to practice discussing what you're really feeling if you want to apply it to other areas of your life. Maybe you can tell your therapist you want to try expressing your true feelings more when asked instead of putting up the public image face that you've picked up as a child. And maybe then your therapist can give you suggestions on how to do it.


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## Wrexx (Apr 8, 2010)

my first few sessions with my therapist were like that too. I'm an older brother so putting on a tough front and not letting any emotion out was pretty much my life philosophy, but eventually after a few sessions of saying i was fine i broke down and told my therapist the truth. Its hard just getting the first words out and its irksome to keep talking about it. 

as for a suggestion (this is gonna sound sorta weird) try getting one of those rubber balls that you're supposed to squeeze when you're stressed out. my therapist noticed me fidgeting a lot while talking about my emotions and gave me one to try out, it wasn't like a miracle cure or anything but it did help to calm me down a bit. You could also try getting your therapists email and telling them that way


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## Crystsal (Mar 31, 2011)

caithiggs said:


> I have the same problem, except I don't have a therapist. But I have definitely been conditioned not to ever express anything besides the standard positive "I'm good, and how are you?" I'm sure a lot of people are the same way.
> 
> Anyway, have you tried writing it down? Make some notes about how you've been feeling that week, then when your therapist asks you can refer to your notes on how you've been feeling. Some people find that kind of visual aid can help break the ice. Plus I'm sure your therapist would understand. It seems like a therapy session is the perfect place to practice discussing what you're really feeling if you want to apply it to other areas of your life. Maybe you can tell your therapist you want to try expressing your true feelings more when asked instead of putting up the public image face that you've picked up as a child. And maybe then your therapist can give you suggestions on how to do it.


Yea I've tried writing down stuff. I did write a few stuff but not really expressing any feelings. Just telling her what happened in that part of my life..that sort of stuff. I think I'll take your advice. And try to write down what I've been feeling in that particular week and try to explain why or what caused those feelings to come about.


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## Crystsal (Mar 31, 2011)

Wrexx said:


> as for a suggestion (this is gonna sound sorta weird) try getting one of those rubber balls that you're supposed to squeeze when you're stressed out. my therapist noticed me fidgeting a lot while talking about my emotions and gave me one to try out, it wasn't like a miracle cure or anything but it did help to calm me down a bit. You could also try getting your therapists email and telling them that way


Yea I might try out your suggestion. But I think I've realized that those rubber balls make me angry or angrier. Sometimes when you are mad, they tell you to relieve it by squeezing that ball. It made me angrier.lol.


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