# Is it true if I never initiate anything I will be single forever?



## TheHopeless (Sep 11, 2013)

I'm a male so as we all know I'm expected to initiate everything with women. However, I haven't had a proper "crush" on anyone since my first or second year of high school, and I'm in my third year of college now. I'm not asexual but I suspect that I may be aromantic because I have had no romantic interest in anyone of any gender for the longest time. And even though I know I'm not asexual, I don't really care about initiating anything sexual with anyone either (as in, I'm capable of feeling sexual attraction but I don't care enough to actually act on that sexual attraction). I'm pretty content being a single virgin who has never had any romantic or sexual encounters, and the concept of ever being anything more than that is extremely foreign to me. 

And thus, does this mean I will be single forever since I don't really care about relationships or sex and I have no interest in initiating anything? Some day I will be able to say, "I'm 85 years old and I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had sex." In fact, it may even be possible that I can say, "I'm 85 years old and I've never even been on a proper date in my entire lifetime!" Or do you think the law of averages will some day put me in a position where a woman actually tries to pursue me?

I'm just curious is all.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

TheHopeless said:


> I'm a male so as we all know I'm expected to initiate everything with women. However, I haven't had a proper "crush" on anyone since my first or second year of high school, and I'm in my third year of college now. I'm not asexual but I suspect that I may be aromantic because I have had no romantic interest in anyone of any gender for the longest time. And even though I know I'm not asexual, I don't really care about initiating anything sexual with anyone either (as in, I'm capable of feeling sexual attraction but I don't care enough to actually act on that sexual attraction). I'm pretty content being a single virgin who has never had any romantic or sexual encounters, and the concept of ever being anything more than that is extremely foreign to me.
> 
> And thus, does this mean I will be single forever since I don't really care about relationships or sex and I have no interest in initiating anything? Some day I will be able to say, "I'm 85 years old and I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had sex." In fact, it may even be possible that I can say, "I'm 85 years old and I've never even been on a proper date in my entire lifetime!" Or do you think the law of averages will some day put me in a position where a woman actually tries to pursue me?
> 
> I'm just curious is all.


It think you might just have to just go for it, it would be nice to at least try before you die.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Well I've never tried to get into a relationship and have never been in one. Never gone on a date, kissed, had sex or anything.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Women will probably only pursue you if you're really attractive. Otherwise you probably will remain alone if you don't initiate anything, but it sounds like you're not that bothered about that right now at least? So that's good.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

If you're not interested in sex or a relationship, you are probably better off single. Don't marry a woman if you're not willing to satisfy her. If you're not doing anything about finding a partner, you will probably remind single for a while or for the rest of your life. There are women who pursue but it's rare.


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I would say that the odds that you will remain single are extremely good unless you happen to have something highly desirable. If you're very good looking, rich, or talented someone might pursue you. Most people will ignore you if you don't initiate, and those who don't will interpret your behavior as indifference. No one will try to push through that indifference unless you have something they really want or admire. Of course, flukes happen. Maybe you'll run into a statistical anomaly.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

You are more likely to stay single yes. But if you become ambitious in your own endeavors and become successful, there are people who will pursue you. If you are being pursued, give that woman a chance and see if you like her. I know what you mean though: Most of the time, physical attraction isn't enough to get me motivated to approach a girl as well. I am usually attracted to a combination of personality and physical appearance, mostly that personality. But how does one get there without actually attempting to have a conversation? So nothings happens as a result, unless the girl does the approaching, which is rare though. Just go to your favorite shops, parks, routinely and looking your best and just be available. If a person chats you up, take their numbers. Maybe go every Monday to an ice cream shop and buy yourself some ice cream. People have to see you to pursue you. Make yourself available.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've read about guys having girls ask them out and thinking that they must be very good looking. Something like that has never happened in my life. I've never been good looking enough for that to happen.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm about average looking - a bit above a few years ago when I was in great physical condition- and I had a woman ask me out ONCE. And she was a hottie. Juicy juggs! She stood me up. I had some women contact me online, but only one wasn't grossly overweight.


----------



## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

I feel like I'm going to be single for long time, since I have such a terrible fear of rejection that prevents me from approaching. Maybe once I have the courage to be more proactive in pursuing a relationship, I'll finally snag me my first.


----------



## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

truant said:


> I would say that the odds that you will remain single are extremely good unless you happen to have something highly desirable. If you're very good looking, rich, or talented someone might pursue you. Most people will ignore you if you don't initiate, and those who don't will interpret your behavior as indifference. No one will try to push through that indifference unless you have something they really want or admire. Of course, flukes happen. Maybe you'll run into a statistical anomaly.


Pretty much this.

From reading the op, It seems like you aren't too eager to start dating yet. I say to focus on your studies and career first. Unfortunately its correct, you have to initiate things first most of the time, otherwise unless a person miraculously fell from the heavens onto your lap you will be alone for quite sometime.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

No. A girl somewhere down the line will likely initiate. However I wouldn't bank on a girl you have mutual attraction to initiating. Girls like men to do the work then say its creepy when you approach them. According to women on this forum......


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> One woman on this forum = women on this forum. Did not know that. Guess you do learn something every day.


Some guys here love to stereotype, particularly stereotyping women. Oh the number of threads where guys post theories about dating and women because of a single woman they had a bad experience with. It's lazy thinking for people who'd rather feel offended than to learn.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Shameful said:


> Some guys here love to stereotype, particularly stereotyping women. Oh the number of threads where guys post theories about dating and women because of a single woman they had a bad experience with. It's lazy thinking for people who'd rather feel offended than to learn.


Isn't that a little rich coming from you when you so often group men as a whole into the same category in so many threads?


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

AussiePea said:


> Isn't that a little rich coming from you when you so often group men as a whole into the same category in so many threads?


Perhaps you misinterpreted me, because I don't do that. I do group people based on behaviors (like creeps who ask cashiers out), but I don't think I've ever grouped men as entire into gender into anything (except grouping them all as scary, which is not a quality of men but a quality of me so it's still not stereotyping men).


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Shameful said:


> Perhaps you misinterpreted me, because I don't do that. I do group people based on behaviors (like creeps who ask cashiers out), but I don't think I've ever grouped men as entire into gender into anything (except grouping them all as scary, which is not a quality of men but a quality of me so it's still not stereotyping men).


Just because you find someone creepy doesn't mean they see their action as creepy. To a guy he sees an attractive girl and wants to get to know her? Nothing more and nothing less. Some girls will be flattered others will label it as creepy. As men we are expected to take chances with women. And I dont sit here and whine about it being unfair because thats just the way it is.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Ignopius said:


> Just because you find someone creepy doesn't mean they see their action as creepy. To a guy he sees an attractive girl and wants to get to know her? Nothing more and nothing less. Some girls will be flattered others will label it as creepy. As men we are expected to take chances with women. And I dont sit here and whine about it being unfair because thats just the way it is.


I don't care if the guy doesn't see his actions as creepy. That has no relevance to me.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Shameful said:


> I don't care if the guy doesn't see his actions as creepy. That has no relevance to me.


Good you just showed the problem with your argument in that statement. Whether or not something is creepy is relative to the observer and not the person making the action.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Ignopius said:


> Good you just showed the problem with your argument in that statement. Whether or not something is creepy is relative to the observer and not the person making the action.


No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


A form of sexual violence. Do you even hear what you are saying? A guy who probably doesn't even think too hard about these issues decides to harmlessly ask a girl out that he finds attractive. He is not pushy, overbearing, or constant. Just asks her one time and that is 'Sexual Violence' that is influenced by rape culture.

And there is definitely a prominent rape culture that needs to be dealt with but saying this is a contributing factor is just ridiculous!


----------



## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


And this the reason why most us guys dont like to approach girls


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mike91 said:


> And this the reason why most us guys dont like to approach girls


Don't worry, they're not all like this. And it only takes one good one...


----------



## Pearson99 (Feb 23, 2014)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


I suppose holding the door for a woman would be considered a form of sexual violence? It's comments like this that hampers a dialogue on sexual violence by distracting people with these imaginary cases of abuse.


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

I love this thread. Initiating will only cause heartbreak from constant rejection unless if you're "legitimately" attractive with a career.


----------



## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

TheHopeless said:


> I'm not asexual but I suspect that I may be aromantic because I have had no romantic interest in anyone of any gender for the longest time. And even though I know I'm not asexual, I don't really care about initiating anything sexual with anyone either (as in, I'm capable of feeling sexual attraction but I don't care enough to actually act on that sexual attraction).


Its possible this could be caused by depression.


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

TheHopeless said:


> ...


you don't necessarily have to approach. if you don't feel romantic towards anyone yet, you should focus on making friends. maybe something will develop.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Ignopius said:


> No. A girl somewhere down the line will likely initiate. However I wouldn't bank on a girl you have mutual attraction to initiating. Girls like men to do the work then say its creepy when you approach them. According to women on this forum......


I would much prefer to approach men, the only thing is:

1. I have rejection issues, didn't realise that until I sort of tried (badly) once.

2. SA, it obviously doesn't help

3. Issues in general. Keeping myself away from people is probably the best thing I can do for them


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


*shakes head* No....just no....:no There are so many misandrist things said in the quote above it's not even funny.



Ignopius said:


> A form of sexual violence. Do you even hear what you are saying? A guy who probably doesn't even think too hard about these issues decides to harmlessly ask a girl out that he finds attractive. He is not pushy, overbearing, or constant. Just asks her one time and that is 'Sexual Violence' that is influenced by rape culture.
> 
> And there is definitely a prominent rape culture that needs to be dealt with but saying this is a contributing factor is just ridiculous!


:yes Yep.


----------



## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Shameful said:


> Perhaps you misinterpreted me, because I don't do that. I do group people based on behaviors (like creeps who ask cashiers out), but I don't think I've ever grouped men as entire into gender into anything (except grouping them all as scary, which is not a quality of men but a quality of me so it's still not stereotyping men).


Nice try. Grouping all men as scary may be an issue you need to deal with, but it is grouping men as a whole. You're one of those people who criticize people for doing something, but thinks it's ok if you do the same thing. We call them hypocrites.



Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


Hitting on a cashier is sexual violence. I don't know whether to laugh or to point out how stupid that notion is. You would be one to ruin a man's life by crying rape because he asked you out! I'll stop there however, as you're clearly trolling.


----------



## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

srschirm said:


> Don't worry, they're not all like this. And it only takes one good one...


Lol i dont plan on asking any girl out any time soon but if i do i will be thinking i am a creep


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mike91 said:


> Lol i dont plan on asking any girl out any time soon but if i do i will be thinking i am a creep


LOL yeah it happens to me too, but you gotta tell yourself that is BS. I'm sure there are girls who would love for you to approach them.


----------



## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

srschirm said:


> LOL yeah it happens to me too, but you gotta tell yourself that is BS. I'm sure there are girls who would love for you to approach them.


Yer probably but i got other things to worry about dont need a girlfriend right now


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mike91 said:


> Yer probably but i got other things to worry about dont need a girlfriend right now


Fair enough. Self-improvement is always a good goal.


----------



## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

```

```



Shameful said:


> I don't care if the guy doesn't see his actions as creepy. That has no relevance to me.


It's very difficult to not come off as creepy especially if you have social anxiety. Women love to label men as creepy any chance they get. They don't realize how difficult it is to approach and how much effort it takes on our end. Women really need to put themselves in our shoes before they label every man they find unattractive as creepy.

You can call us creepy but approaching women is the only way we can get a girlfriend. Girls won't approach us and then there's things like "no flirting zones" which also hold us back. Honestly women complain so much about guys hitting on them but what are we supposed to do? We take the chance or we remain single forever.

I do have a fear of approaching but why should we care if a woman labels us as creepy so easily? It's her loss then. If you're so easily put off by men or have these preconceived notions about men without getting to know them that's your problem. I understand some situations can be genuinely creepy but I think a lot of women exaggerate. Seriously women imagine being in our shoes sometimes. You know how much fear we have to overcome to approach women?


----------



## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence. If the guy doesn't understand that, then I don't care. It's not important that he's too stupid, entitled, and brainwashed by rape culture to realize what he's doing is wrong.


I would ask a cashier out. 
I'm not joking. 
There's nothing wrong with that.
Wth is wrong with you shameful.


----------



## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Shameful does this in every gender/dating thread though. She is definitely not the majority. She's just trolling really.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

If you never talk to women, you'll never date -- they're much less likely to approach random strangers (personally I don't get why men approach strangers for romance either, I could never know if I was genuinely interested until I knew her well). If you make enough female friends though, one of them will probably end up being attracted to you someday. At that point, you may have to show reciprocal signs of affection or she'll give up. Since you have no interest in relationships or sex, you'll probably not show her any interest and unless she's a stalker type she'll move on.


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Paul said:


> If you never talk to women, you'll never date -- they're much less likely to approach random strangers (personally I don't get why men approach strangers for romance either, I could never know if I was genuinely interested until I knew her well).


This ^, for people with SA there are just way fewer total ways of meeting and knowing them because we will generally tend to avoid the kind of social events that other uninhibited people would go and meet at.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Yes.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Shameful said:


> No... I'm saying it's objectively creepy and a form of sexual violence.


You just lost all credibility and set the feminist movement back by 30 years.


----------



## Bigmo (May 28, 2013)

sadly yes as women rarely ask men out as they see it as a man's job. but I once had a group of girls ask for my number but i froze and run home.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I thought it was more like if they ask the guy out, the guy will think they're easy and take advantage of them. And also because most women like the thrill of being chased.


----------



## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

What kind of approaching are we talking about here? Looking down at their boobs and saying they're really hot out of nowhere? Because I can understand someone getting a little uncomfortable about that. 

Anyway, I wouldn't be able to accept an approach from a girl, or at least I haven't done yet. Mostly because I was bullied quite badly by girls growing up and I got pranked a lot. So now I have this irrational mind set that if a girl is showing interest it's just a practical joke.


----------



## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

Rixy said:


> What kind of approaching are we talking about here? Looking down at their boobs and saying they're really hot out of nowhere? Because I can understand someone getting a little uncomfortable about that.
> 
> Anyway, I wouldn't be able to accept an approach from a girl, or at least I haven't done yet. Mostly because I was bullied quite badly by girls growing up and I got pranked a lot. So now I have this irrational mind set that if a girl is showing interest it's just a practical joke.


Girls did the same to me if they played truth or dare game they had to ask me out i should of played along and said yes every time


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Unless you become a barbarian and fight evil monsters then the emperor will throw captured village girls at you


----------



## ForeverInBloom (Oct 4, 2010)

If you are content with being single, then why would you think of changing it? Who knows, maybe down the road you might meet someone who makes you feel otherwise.

The possibility of a woman pursuing you could happen, but it also could not. Some women don't care about initiating and might do it, if they see you as interesting or in how you carry yourself, etc.


----------



## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Paul said:


> If you never talk to women, you'll never date -- they're much less likely to approach random strangers (personally I don't get why men approach strangers for romance either, I could never know if I was genuinely interested until I knew her well). If you make enough female friends though, one of them will probably end up being attracted to you someday. At that point, you may have to show reciprocal signs of affection or she'll give up. Since you have no interest in relationships or sex, you'll probably not show her any interest and unless she's a stalker type she'll move on.


And how are you supposed to know about a girl if you don't meet her and talk to her first. I don't understand how people always act like everyone is basically just handed some huge group of people early in life that your whole life you will bounce around with for everything because talking to strangers is creepy or whatever.


----------

