# Should a therapy session be mostly talking or mostly listening?



## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

I feel like most of my sessions my counsellor is just talking at me for 70-80% of the session, often about redundant things that we've been over numerous times already that feel like a waste of the hour. I feel like I get little chance to speak myself, and when I do she will often interrupt me and go on another huge ramble before I get another chance to get a word in. 

Should therapy be like that? I thought I should be the one who is doing most of the talking, but thats the complete opposite of my sessions. I'm not the best communicator so I often have long pauses to think about what I'm trying to say, but I get no chance with her, she's just off on a huge ramble everytime I pause for 2 seconds.


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## retropat (Aug 25, 2009)

It depends. Sometimes I do most of the talking and other times my therapist does the talking. A lot of it has to do with how much I need to vent or how much advice I need. Therapy is what you make of it. If you want to talk more, let your therapist know that. Otherwise, it's pointless to be there.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

NoSocialButterfly said:


> In my opinion, you should be getting more of an opportunity to talk. How is your counselor going to address your concerns if she is not giving you a chance to communicate what you are dealing with? It depends on what's going on, but I'd say my sessions are at least 50/50 or maybe I talk a bit more. But we discuss things that I'm dealing with and what I need guidance regarding. He is very helpful and I'm learning a lot by going to him. However, my first therapist just let me talk and talk, while she didn't say much. That wasn't a good experience, as I felt like she was totally uninterested. If you don't feel as though you are benefiting, you could go elsewhere. How long have you been going to this particular counselor?


I've been seeing her about 6 months. I like her a lot as a person because she is genuinely interested and goes well beyond the hour every week and even calls me sometimes to see how I'm doing. I don't feel I'm making much progress though, she's primarily an addiction counsellor (I have no addictions) so I'm not sure how much experience she has dealing with anxiety.

I've thought about finding someone else but I'm not sure if that would be the right choice either, it might turn out to be more of the same only with someone I don't get on with as well.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

retropat said:


> It depends. Sometimes I do most of the talking and other times my therapist does the talking. A lot of it has to do with how much I need to vent or how much advice I need. Therapy is what you make of it. If you want to talk more, let your therapist know that. Otherwise, it's pointless to be there.


Yea, next session I'm going to make a concerted effort to say what I need to say. If I still feel like I'm battling to get some 'air time' I'll have to think seriously about going somewhere else.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Spending all that money and not getting to talk would piss me off to no end. It would be like hiring a prostitute and after she takes the money she says she's not in the mood tonight.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

^ lol


Therapy should ideally be a balance of both. A good therapist should know when to listen and when to talk. If they are doing most of the talking then I don't see how that will be much of a help to you, since they will need to actually listen to you in order to figure out how best to guide you.


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