# What's the #1 reason why you are single?



## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

If I make a thread, you will participate because I said so.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

Unwillingness to ask people out or be open to them.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

lack of confidence and self esteem


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## Bullet Soul (May 7, 2010)

1.) I'm unattractive.
2.) I'm only a teenager and guys my age annoy me. D:


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

'Cause I like it.


Whoops, my choice isn't an option on your poll again.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

Fraud. I don't want to selfishly draw people into a situation where I KNOW they will be dissapointed.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

Selbbin said:


> Fraud. I don't want to selfishly draw people into a situation where I KNOW they will be dissapointed.


:yes

Me too.


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

1. Being physically unattractive.
2. Lacking confidence in oneself.
3. Lacking social skills. 
4. Unwillingness to ask people out or be open to them.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

Selbbin said:


> I don't want to selfishly draw people into a situation where I KNOW they will be dissapointed.


Yes. :yes

It's not even anxiety - it's just knowing how I will react to being in a close relationship. It's not worth the trouble of putting me and someone else through all that.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

When I want to ask someone out I am more worried about them saying yes than I am saying no. Rejection is a relief. If they say yes, I have to then try and be the person they might want to be with. I want them to be happy and satisfied and content, as we all want to be in a relationship, but I know that I won't meet their expectations. Why? because I haven't in the past. 

So asking a girl out is impossible, because a YES is the answer I am afraid of, yet want.

And that's why I am messed up.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Lack of confidence, poor self-esteem, etc.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Lack of self confidence would be the main reason. Inability to open up would be the second. I don't get close with many people, and can't imagine dating someone I hardly know.


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## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

I'm one non confident, unattractive mofo. I also have the charming personality of a potato. 

Ladies, anyone interested? :wink


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

I was once best friends with a potato. he didn't do much, but he was always there and always had a good attitude. Until he fell into a vat of hot oil in the summer of '97. It was a sad day, but he smelt really good. Anyway, potatos are cool.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'm a closed ****ing book. I make it damn near impossible for people to get anywhere close to me.


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## mrbojangles (Oct 8, 2009)

JayDontCareEh said:


> Unwillingness to ask people out or be open to them.


+1, that and a crippling fear of rejection.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

mrbojangles said:


> that and a crippling fear of rejection.


Yessir.


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## coloredcreative (Jul 1, 2010)

Lack of self-confidence and fear of rejection.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Unwillingness to ask people out or be open to them


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## Lumi (Aug 21, 2010)

Sex.


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## timetopretend (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm pretty sure its that I'm not physically attractive. I do lack confidence but its because of it (among other things). I'm no head-turner.. nor do I have the personality to make up for that. Theres really only been one guy who was openly interested in me and I used to be interested in him but I'm not anymore. Thats probably another reason why I'm single.


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## velvet1 (Aug 11, 2010)

I just haven't found the right person yet. I try to talk and flirt as much as I can; even if I'm awkward. Deep down, I know those guys are not ready for a relationship because they don't seem to stay too long and of course they're all over the place. You know when someone is really interested, they want to be there for you and respect you for who you're. Unfortunately its not the case for me, so until I find someone worthy.... I will remain single and I don't mind anymore. It's like that song "Don't go for second best baby, put your love to the test."


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## jessckuh (Jul 27, 2010)

All Of The Above.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

All of the above apart from being physically unattractive.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

I lack self-confidence in my relationship skills. I worry way too much and it comes out in my behavior, which is confusing and unattractive. People have a hard time getting close to me, because I have a hard time letting them.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

irishK said:


> insecurity, pretty severe low self esteem, overwhelming and crippling fear of being totally rejected at some point, fear of abandonment. These things easily close me up. I want to get rid of all of this disorder and fear and am working towards that. It makes me so sad to feel crippled and frozen by these things. I`m not so sure a man could love all this away.


:| It's too bad we can't just enjoy relationships for what they are and in the moment. There's all these worries. They seem pretty useless too. They do more harm than good. But for whatever reason they're unavoidable. Ugh!

*I'm glad your working on your fears. Good luck!


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

1 - 4 

I suppose the confidence ties into the others though, so I picked that.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

A combonation of not enough confidence, physical attractiveness and also looking for people who are up to my standards.


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

Bullet Soul said:


> 2.) I'm only a teenager and guys my age annoy me. D:


I am 26 and guys my age annoy me. I guess it never changes.



perfectionist said:


> Lack of self confidence would be the main reason. Inability to open up would be the second. I don't get close with many people, and can't imagine dating someone I hardly know.


Very much me too. My self confidence isn't as bad as it used to be. I really have a difficult time opening up to men _and_ women. I really cannot imagine dating someone I hardly knew. I cannot ever picture meeting someone without the aid of the internet. I also cannot picture meeting someone I met from the internet for a second date either, since it never happened.

I am not really stressing about it like it used to, though. So... yay? :b


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

All of them - plus I am afraid of the majority of the male race....that's what going to an all girl school does for ya.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Haven't been trying. Work and "life" have been in the way.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

The worst part is getting to know someone, after that i'm fine. It's those first weeks of having small discussions about what's current, which is incredibly hard for me. If I don't have anything to say I usually don't say anything. But since that creates awkward silences, I have to start up some conversation.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

(accidental double post)


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## RJF (Mar 29, 2010)

Lack of confidence in onself, as well as not being able to ask girls out. Kind of one and the same, in my opinion. 

I'm so sick of this astronaut staring at me. He's been in the corner of my room for over fifteen minutes. Every time I stare back at him, he gets kind of white and fuzzy, and dissipates like mist. Oh, and now the wall is moving back and forth. This is bloody wonderful. 

/hate insomnia


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I'd just like some time to focus on myself. I figure if something will happen something will happen, no point setting out deliberately trying to make it happen, because I might as well jinx myself. There's a really cool gal out there though, and if it were possible I would catch up with her, but it's not really now, plus I have some self esteem issues to sort through. I don't see a reason to rush anything, and whatever else I get up to is my business, I'm not really prepared to disclose anything more over this forum.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I have some physical self esteem issues perhaps as well.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Other, and it's an odd reason I don't understand. 

Two relationships where the other was in love with me (to the extent of calling me the one) ended this year because they couldn't give of themselves in the way a partner should, in different ways and for different reasons.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Because after a lifetime of being rejected and hurt every single time you've ever tried, you eventually become so broken inside and feel so unwanted you stop trying.


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## Nathan18 (Sep 15, 2009)

_Lacking social skills. _Lacking confidence in oneself. Unwillingness to ask people out or be open to them.

They're the main three, but I think lacking social skills is the main one. If I were able to have normal conversations with people, maybe I would be able to get somewhere.


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## silentcliche (Jun 30, 2010)

I am a robot. I was not programmed to love or to be loved.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

The need to protect and provide for my son overrides everything else in my life. He's 12... I've had to sacrifice many important things to be able to achieve that goal. I suppose also there is an element of fear, inadequacy, and unworthiness lurking about. I have too strong a need for in-person contact and most people I meet want the opposite.


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

Where do I start? I could make a bloody list. Thanks for making this thread, it's forced me to really think about the situation, which I've avoided doing for a while.

There's paranoia that someone being friendly at all is only pretending, setting me up for a nice backstab later. Paranoia that people talk about me behind my back, plot against me. This hasn't happened since bloody _high school_ and on a rational level I know it's not happening but I can't seem to believe it on a visceral level, where it counts, and so I'm afraid.

There's the conviction that others can, with a mere glance, see the way I see myself. There's a ton of self-hatred here and I fear it shows in the eyes, in the posture, in everything, that they see it and immediately agree, and so when a rejection comes it will be every bit as nasty as they can make it.

There's fear that rejection will send me spiraling into a suicidal depression. Again.

:/


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

VagueResemblance said:


> *There's paranoia that someone being friendly at all is only pretending, setting me up for a nice backstab later. Paranoia that people talk about me behind my back, plot against me. This hasn't happened since bloody high school and on a rational level I know it's not happening but I can't seem to believe it on a visceral level, where it counts, and so I'm afraid.*


 What are you doing in my brain? Get out of there!


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> What are you doing in my brain? Get out of there!


But I _like_ it in here. 
I've been going through your porn. Oh man ...! :boogie


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

Where is "All of the above"?


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

I hate myself.
Since my fiancee broke it off with me, I've decided I need to love myself before I can love anyone else -- but it's kind of a long shot so far. One year down the road and I still hate everything about myself. -___-
poop.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

I would've said the first four options, but since i had to pick one, i just went for number 4


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

Lack of confidence, which in turn leads to my inability to approach women who I find attractive. Unfortunately I can't say this will ever change. Every time I do muster up enough courage to say anything (even hello) the woman in question has usually left the area.

I'm a puss :blank


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

Options 1 to 4 could all apply, but not being able to ask a girl out or make any kind of move obviously plays a big role in my 23 years of celibacy..


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## Typical Guy (Mar 30, 2009)

SA.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

_Lacking social skills_

Here's an example of my conversation ability:

*Person:* "It's a nice day outside today."
*Me:* "yeah"

/End of conversation.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Erm all?

_Lacking social skills_ primarily.


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## Arkturus (Dec 10, 2006)

Mostly the first and the last one. I have poor social skills/shyness and simple do not interact with very many women. I think the last time I even saw a single or potentially single woman in my age range was months ago.


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

Joke-response aside, I rarely ever meet any guys I like and even when I do the whole lack of confidence, low self esteem and poor social skills prevent me from trying.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Cause I suck, today it's the truth


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## Jaynie (Jun 7, 2010)

Futures said:


> _Lacking social skills_
> 
> Here's an example of my conversation ability:
> 
> ...


Oh my god, that's like the script of my life! Why don't I ever know what to say next? :sigh

Also, someone up thread mentioned feeling fraudulent. I am not a one-night stand kinda girl, but neither am I a mushy, ring-by-spring, lets spend every goddamn second holding clammy hands type. Rationally I realize it's pretty normal for a 20 year old to feel that way, but emotionally I feel like I'd be lying to any interested party just because I've no intention of being "tied down" just yet.

Oh, and the paranoia. There's lots of that. :roll


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I suck at conversation and I don't want to "bother" women/ put myself in an awkward position.


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

Relaxation said:


> If I make a thread, you will participate because I said so.


Actually i will participate only because i want to. You REALLY need to work on how to say things when you post. :yes

Anyways, i picked option 5. I have very high standards both for a guy and a girl and the people in my town (most, at least) dont cut it.


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Lack of confidence due to acne.


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## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

Jaynie said:


> Oh, and the paranoia. There's lots of that. :roll


Oh that too. Being depressed and having low self esteem for so long makes me feel worthless sometimes, which has made me cynical, pessimistic, and unable to trust people completely. When I was younger I would get all day dreamy about girls I met at school and pictured myself in relationships all the time. Now, with the way I feel I don't understand why anyone would be in a relationship with me. I feel that if someone wanted to be with me it would be because they needed something from me. 
All the vicarious living/learning from others' mistakes has made me feel like there is more potential for hurting/being hurt when having or ending a relationship than not being in a relationship at all. 
Maybe* I'm just rationalizing.

*read: definitely


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't talk to people in general and don't give them attention, even if I want to, and happen to be interested. I have a fear of annoying others and keep to myself.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

I have very poor social skills.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

I cant pick between the first 4


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

Lack of social skills, I don't know how to talk to females.


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

1,3, and 4 are close to the same thing in my case. I have no problem talking to the opposite sex, but when it comes to showing actual interest, I slam face-first into the sturdy wall of awkwardness.


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## zeptron (Aug 12, 2010)

Lacking social skills. And confidence.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

I picked 'Not meeting anyone up to your standard.' Although 'Lacking social skills' applies to me as well.

Bah.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Selbbin said:


> Fraud. I don't want to selfishly draw people into a situation where I KNOW they will be dissapointed.


Me too.


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## Derekgnr (Nov 9, 2003)

It could be either one of the first 4. But I'll say lacking social skills.


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## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

Currently being a bit of a homebody without much of an online presence doesn't make for great odds of meeting any of the men out there in the world with which I know I could get along.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Hello22 said:


> I would've said the first four options, but since i had to pick one, i just went for number 4


Pffft! From meetin ya I dont think any of the 1st three apply to you at all!

Maybe they just cant understand yer crazy accent though!


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Dub16 said:


> Pffft! From meetin ya I dont think any of the 1st three apply to you at all!
> 
> Maybe they just cant understand yer crazy accent though!


I second this motion.

The accent probably doesn't help tho...

:teeth


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Josh90 said:


> Lack of social skills, I don't know how to talk to females.


^ This. Well that and being too busy.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

-lack of effort
-suppression of impulses to talk to and pursue people
-self centered (when the fun stuff is over i just want to cut ties with the person and be alone and single) happens everytime
-most of the women that pursue me id rather bash their head in with a car door and leave the body in a dumpster than date them


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## Duke of Prunes (Jul 20, 2009)

Bit of 1, 2, 3 and 4 here.


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## Shooterrr (Jul 19, 2009)

Lack of social skills, low self esteem, and a dull personality.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Being physically unattractive is my main flaw, social skills would be a very close second. I lack confidence because of these two. Not meeting someone up to my standards is also another issue; although I rarely get anyone interested in me due to my two main flaws.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

shynesshellasucks said:


> Being physically unattractive is my main flaw, social skills would be a very close second. I lack confidence because of these two. Not meeting someone up to my standards is also another issue; although I rarely get anyone interested in me due to my two main flaws.


.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I picked lacking social skills, though there are far more reasons.

As for asking women out:

To any women reading this, there is a witty and intelligent SWM of age 37 in suburban Milwaukee who'd like to meet you. This man is college educated and a millionaire (had to toss in the few positives I could come up with).

His name is Karl -- contact him.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

B, C and D.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I think I do kind of have high standards... but they're not the obvious standards... I just don't like ordinary, straighforward people. And yeah, I have a hard time expressing affection so I think it puts people off... so most of the relationships I've been in have been initiated by the girl... and I think a lot of girls don't like doing that, so it doesn't happen so often.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I truly believe that noone would or should like me. I can't stand my SA. Why would anyone else put up with it. I really loathe myself. 

1-4


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Probably due to my absurdly high "standards", tbh. Not that I think I'm better than the women I'm unwilling to date, it's just that I don't enjoy being in the company of 95% of the ones I meet. That same percentage applies to men, too. I seem to have a really hard time connecting on the most fundamental level with almost everyone. Of course my lack of confidence and ugliness nullifies any chance I could have with a woman I'd want anyway.


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