# How do you make friends in college?



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Honestly, I'm at the end of my rope here. It doesn't help that I'm much older than the typical college student, but...how do I connect with other students?

I've tried forming study groups, and it seems like I study with them, and then they go off with their friends and I'm left all alone. What should I do next? Community groups? Church groups? What?

I'm so lonely, and even though I'm nervous about being judged, I'm even more nervous about being lonely. :no


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## Popezilla (Jan 11, 2010)

POT!!!!! Seriously, you'll find friends. 

On a more serious note you have to find similarities with the people around you. If you are just studying with people they will assume you just want to study. You have to make a reason to be friends (this sounds terrible, but I can't think of another way to put it). Are you joking around and bull****ting when you're studying? It seems weird but I've found you have to "force" yourself on them. Well for me it seems like I'm forcing myself on them, but in reality I'm just trying to make them my friend. Sometimes it may feel like you're being pushy or trying to trick them into liking you, but it's just the SA. Hope that helps a bit.


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## WalkingOnEggShells (Mar 17, 2010)

Going through the exact same problem. I find that what helps get your foot in the door is finding others who have the same interests (favorite TV shows, music, hobbies, styles/types of humor, etc) that you do, and letting things flow from there.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

My problem is, since I'm older, my favorite music is older. Same with movies and tv shows. I think the only current tv show that I could relate to is either NCIS or The Big Bang Theory, and I haven't yet met someone who wants to talk about that.

Plus, I think current popular music is stupid. I mean, Lady Gaga? The *****cat Dolls? Justin Beiber? It's all noise to me. Give me U2, or Genesis, or Aerosmith over that crap.


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

My solution was lots and lots of drugs and alcohol, BUT I'm not willing to recommend that route to anyone. Maybe you could find some type of club that meets on campus?? These could be good places to meet people with similar interests. Are there other older students you could get to know??

Otherwise, go out and hit some bars!! :drunk


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

Kinda similar here. Indeed, sometimes I find people nowadays to be into stuff that they deem as "cool", the new trend as it seems, when all I could see in that is just ridiculousness. They don't know the bands I like, they go to places that I regard as an allergy to myself, like a threat to my own health. 

And yeah just studying seems like making people have this image that you are not looking for something else than that. Making friends is definitely more than just studying together, it will be a good start to have something to talk about together other than the usual academics, an interest, a hobby, family or something.

I find it awkward because maybe I have really different likings and things I think about than other people.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I know how you feel.I'm older in college/uni as well(same age it seems) and here in Australia people start uni when they're 18 so I'm almost 10 years older than them.
Some of them seem ok while others are just PAAAAARRRTTTYYY!! all the time.I like more alternative music and not really the tecno/trance or top 40 thing and some of my interests are weird so not easy to find people.

Maybe there's a club/society you could join?
And are there something for more mature students there?

I'm not sure,I haven't found a great solution to this myself yet..


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yeah, Invisible, some of my interests are unconventional as well. I remember talking to a 19 year old girl about the new Stephen King book (which I loved), and she said, "I heard it was like that Simpson's Episode..." I had absolutely _no clue_ what she was talking about, or if she was even being serious or joking.

It seems like most of the students at my college like to banter each other and cause drama. I'm past the partying and drama phase, give me an intelligent conversation any day.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

talk about current bands that aren't mainstream. you can find a lot on the website pitchfork.com. i recommend Grizzly Bear, the Big Pink, Beach House, Florence and the Machine, Of Montreal, and the best depressing music ever is Elliott Smith (although he committed suicide in 2003).

you can find good music that isn't mainstream and some people know who they are, and those people are awesome


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> Yeah, Invisible, some of my interests are unconventional as well. I remember talking to a 19 year old girl about the new Stephen King book (which I loved), and she said, "I heard it was like that Simpson's Episode..." I had absolutely _no clue_ what she was talking about, or if she was even being serious or joking.
> 
> It seems like most of the students at my college like to banter each other and cause drama. I'm past the partying and drama phase, give me an intelligent conversation any day.


I know..I also think that a lot people just gossip and I'm not really interested in that.Would like to talk about something with a little bit more substance..
I do follow some of the new tv-series and other stuff,but still it will be a gap between me and some younger people since I'm so much older than them.

I'm also over the partying phase of my life.I like to party sometimes,but I prefer it to be more low-key than these huge parties that are here.
There are probably some people with similar interests out there,but they're harder to find..


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I have no idea. I've learned how to do so much crap in university that I never used to do because it freaked me out. Group work, presentations, long papers, putting my hand up in class. But making friends? Yeah I don't know. I have two more days before university is done; if I make any progress by the end of thursday, I'll be sure to let you know.


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

Talk to the people who are receptive and send out many clues that you are receptive. Typically YOU must be the person to suggest going out somewhere. That is just the way it is!









I was once too socially anxious to get a good book on social anxiety, how's that for irony!


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