# do girls have it easier online dating than men



## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I am honestly curious, please do not start a gender war or flame me. I just heard something that shocked me. what's your take?

People are telling me that girls will have their inbox flooded with messages and unless you are a super hot guy, the average guy will be lucky to have one. from my own experience, girls visit my profile but rarely message me. I have had one girl message me first, otherwise, I had to message all the other girls I was interested in.









i want to know if that's true because if it is, I'm going to drink like a 100 beers and never wake up ever again.

women, what are you online dating experiences? did you get lots of messages then just got to pick and choose which guys to go on dates with?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't know. I didn't have much luck with it. It was either go on a date with a sincere unattractive man or have a one night stand with an attractive guy who has zero interest in a relationship.


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## nickelbird (Apr 10, 2013)

eh- I consider myself a fairly attractive female.. not like.. bombshell.. but attractive. 
But when I was dating I very rarely got emails of significance (other than the typical 'wanna F**k?' type crap and that most certainly does not count.. 
even those were few.

I actually had to make the moves on almost every guy I've ever dated.. I've never been bought a drink at a bar or been hit on at a bar.
now.. think about that.. a girl with SA having to make the moves.. it was HARD.

but... idk.. maybe you're right.. from my perspective- where I'm sitting.. not so much..
I'm betting most of the emails those 'hot' people get are just junk 'wanna f**k' emails..don't get too excited...


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## BrookeHannigan (Mar 29, 2012)

nickelbird said:


> eh- I consider myself a fairly attractive female.. not like.. bombshell.. but attractive.
> But when I was dating I very rarely got emails of significance (other than the typical 'wanna F**k?' type crap and that most certainly does not count..
> even those were few.
> 
> ...


From my experience its more how you represent/carry yourself
Ive seen out going self confident sloppy looking 400 pound midget get all kind of guys,
As my bf said i give a very unpleasent/awkward/weird vibe which makes people less likely to approach me, it does make sense but it sucks lol.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Looks pretty accurate to me.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I had 2 message but they weren't really my type.


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## nickelbird (Apr 10, 2013)

BrookeHannigan said:


> From my experience its more how you represent/carry yourself
> Ive seen out going self confident sloppy looking 400 pound midget get all kind of guys,
> As my bf said i give a very unpleasent/awkward/weird vibe which makes people less likely to approach me, it does make sense but it sucks lol.


This is true. I've been told I look unapproachable.
Chronic bit*h face lol


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

lol, ive been on okcupid for like three months now and a girl has only initiated once lol... and she was like 400 ilbs and 13 yrs older than me and we had no common interest... i think i was being trolled lol


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

Honestly I think it's a curse for some women who date online. Yeah, sure they'll have their inbox's booming and for that same reason it'll be harder to decide who they want to commit to when your talking to a person behind a computer screen and no nothing of them or even know if they are who they say they are, it can be risky.

There are a lot of bad people in the world I feel sorry for those girls who are naive and go out meeting guys online and end up getting rape or killed. Or they gave out too much information, went out on a date with the dude, girl didn't like him, dudes a psycho and starts stalking her leaving weird looking **** with her face on it on her door step.


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## prisonofmind (Apr 12, 2013)

Lol guys have no chance on dating sites unless you're super attractive.

If I was a female I wouldn't even be on there, I'd be too worried about ending up hanging from meat hooks in some psycho's basement.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

I'd definitely say without a doubt in my mind that girls in general have it much easier than men on dating websites. This is for any sort of contact, from a one-night stand to a serious relationship.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

All that picture shows me is how much attention guys are giving attractive girls. If you don't want girls like that to have all the power, quit giving it to them.


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## nickelbird (Apr 10, 2013)

missamanda said:


> All that picture shows me is how much attention guys are giving attractive girls. If you don't want girls like that to have all the power, quit giving it to them.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I don't know. I didn't have much luck with it. It was either go on a date with a sincere unattractive man or have a one night stand with an attractive guy who has zero interest in a relationship.


that raises the question of what people are looking for when they are on a dating website. I doubt most people say they want one night stands because it would turn people off, but it doesn't mean they don't want them either.


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

They definitely don't have to take as much initiative, but most of the messages these girls get are from guys who are 10-30 years older than them, so I wouldn't be that happy about that either.


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## GoingBaldSucks (Mar 16, 2013)

Of course it's true.

Just create a fake female profile and see how much messages you get.

Even an woman in wheelchair is more desired than the average guy:


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## nickelbird (Apr 10, 2013)

my first thought for the 'girl in wheelchair' argument is that she will get creeped on more than the average girl..
People and their sexual fetishes are WEIRD trust me. 

actually.. people are weird in general... nuff said.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

nickelbird said:


> my first thought for the 'girl in wheelchair' argument is that she will get creeped on more than the average girl..
> People and their sexual fetishes are WEIRD trust me.
> 
> actually.. people are weird in general... nuff said.


Yeah, those last 2 guys seem like creepers.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

When I was briefly on an online dating site, I did get quite a few messages, maybe 20 or 25? I didn't consider myself lucky however, since 99.9% of those messages were, "wow ur hot, hit me up", or "me and my husband are looking for a threesome, you interested?" "U have a cat, cool, so do I. You're super cute too, hit me up if interested". 

Is that more easy and successful? I guess if I was just looking to get laid, then I had a lot of chances. But unfortunately that was not what I was looking for, so it wasn't easy or successful, it was a disturbing let-down.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

No luck with online dating for me.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Actually, according to a study that OKC conducted, black women have the hardest time out of any demographic when it comes to online dating. So no, you couldn't say that women invariably have it easier.

According to the US Census Bureau, 53% of unmarried people age 18 or older are women, and there are 88 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women.

It turns out there are more unmarried women than there are unmarried men in the US.

Of course, unmarried doesn't necessarily mean single. But there are still more married men than there are married women, and that certainly conflicts with the whole "women have it easier and fall into relationships while men struggle with perpetual singlehood" mentality that some people here possess.

Unfortunately society is slow to change, and the idea that men must initiate is still commonly held, which could explain why some women might get more messages than some men.

But messages are just messages. Messages don't mean an instant relationship. What good is it if someone gets 100 messages and nothing comes from a single one of them?

People here need to realize that their experience is not necessarily the universal experience. There will be guys who will have great success with online dating, while there will be women who will have a rough time with it. I don't really see the point in complaining about how much greener you think the grass is when there are studies and statistics that clearly refute the whole notion that women as a group want for nothing and never flounder when it comes to dating.


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## Dear turtle (Sep 7, 2011)

au Lait said:


> *Actually, according to a study that OKC conducted, black women have the hardest time out of any demographic when it comes to online dating. So no, you couldn't say that women invariably have it easier. *
> 
> According to the US Census Bureau, 53% of unmarried people age 18 or older are women, and there are 88 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women.
> 
> ...


I didn't have a hard time...but thank you for pointing that out :/


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## Moochie (Nov 11, 2012)

It's only easier if you have good looks, big boobs, and a big butt.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

Just because people send you messages on a dating site does not mean you get laid or get into a relationship. I've been on many dating sites and still no boyfriend and I'm 28 years old.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Given the male to female ratio I'd say its safe to assume they do. As for the dates actually working out I'd say its about equal, since it takes two to make a couple.


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## afff (Dec 27, 2012)

Monroee said:


> When I was briefly on an online dating site, I did get quite a few messages, maybe 20 or 25? I didn't consider myself lucky however, since 99.9% of those messages were, "wow ur hot, hit me up", or "me and my husband are looking for a threesome, you interested?" "U have a cat, cool, so do I. You're super cute too, hit me up if interested".
> 
> Is that more easy and successful? I guess if I was just looking to get laid, then I had a lot of chances. But unfortunately that was not what I was looking for, so it wasn't easy or successful, it was a disturbing let-down.


 Not succesful? I wish I got that kind of external validation.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

au Lait said:


> According to the US Census Bureau, 53% of unmarried people age 18 or older are women, and there are 88 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women.
> 
> It turns out there are more unmarried women than there are unmarried men in the US.


Wait.. So 12% of men are married to another man? Or are they married to a girl that hasn't turned 18 yet? (and why would that matter?)

You've been quick to point out that men and women must, by mathematical definition, have equally much heterosexual sex, so why would you use numbers which really don't seem to add up yourself?



au Lait said:


> But messages are just messages. Messages don't mean an instant relationship. What good is it if someone gets 100 messages and nothing comes from a single one of them?


Generally speaking though, it is the man that has to initiate and contact the woman, so it's him that has to convince her that she should take notice.
It's really hard writing messages, trying to find ways to stand out while still being yourself and knowing what you're writing will be judged. It's kind of the same fear and anxiety as writing a job application in some ways.
Of course, it isn't always men that do the initiation, but it's still happens far more often than not.
And it is arguably easier to be on the receiving end - regardless of gender.
I don't envy all the hook up messages though.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

illmatic1 said:


> lol, ive been on okcupid for like three months now and a girl has only initiated once lol... and she was like 400 ilbs and 13 yrs older than me and we had no common interest... i think i was being trolled lol


Hey, even fat trolls need some lovin'.


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## therealbleach (Jan 11, 2013)

missamanda said:


> All that picture shows me is how much attention guys are giving attractive girls. If you don't want girls like that to have all the power, quit giving it to them.


it's a sort of tragedy of the commons these days, the dating game. if we all lived in towns with a few thousand people the men wouldn't have to be as aggressive to succeed and women would not be spoiled for choice. instead we live in cities with millions of people and use the Internet with billions of people, so competition is beyond belief. still, no one can win if they do not play.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I think it just means the hot people are more likely to get spammed with messages, in a way it might be harder? Kind of like a bunch of pigeons scrambling and fighting for one breadcrumb.

The fact that they get so many messages, most often based solely on their appearance doesn't sound like a good basis for a solid relationship. But then again, what do I know?

link from the OP's pic btw
http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/1405


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Even if 50% of received messages were trash like "U R Hot, let's fok", there are still a decent amount of nice guys looking for a girl. Now I'll proceed to tell starving kids from Africa that my life sucks because I can't eat caviar daily.


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## therealbleach (Jan 11, 2013)

Milco said:


> It's really hard writing messages, trying to find ways to stand out while still being yourself and knowing what you're writing will be judged. It's kind of the same fear and anxiety as writing a job application in some ways.


exactly. girls should not complain about the quality of first message if they haven't tried to write many themselves. I tried writing all kinds of messages, short, long, funny, serious, inquisitive, cocky... and usually agonized over what to say. I had a 1% response rate after four months and gave up. (I did get a # and"date" with one girl, who then stood me up) a couple of my friends were more persistent, they sent out several thousand messages and got a few dates each.

a handful of girls did write to me first, and all of their messages were one liners with no substance and nothing to really respond to. "hi" "hey what's up"... the longest I got was a complete sentence, she said I "seem like a nice person". the girl had already deleted her profile by the time I read the message a few hours later lol


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## GoingBaldSucks (Mar 16, 2013)

I'd be crying tears of joy if a girl messaged me she wanted to ****.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

GoingBaldSucks said:


> I'd be crying tears of joy if a girl messaged me she wanted to ****.


In my time trying online dating, I got one message like that - the only message I got at all, actually.
But she was being really pushy and saying things I completely disagreed with morally, so it wasn't the best experience.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

afff said:


> Not succesful? I wish I got that kind of external validation.


I could tell that they were mass sent out messages. Copy and paste and sent out en masse to all women with the hopes that one will bite. I'm sorry, but I didn't view it as external validation at all. It made me feel worse and I deleted my profile.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Why do you think men copy/paste messages?

It's not mostly out of laziness, unlike some may believe. It's because spending fifteen minutes writing/thinking about a well-written message will be a waste of time because if we're playing the odds, you're not going to get a response anyway.

Online, it's 95% looks, 5% anything else. A hot guy will have a high response rate with a simple, boring "hello".

From personal experience, every time I sent a witty, well-thought message, it led nowhere.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

^^ When I was messaging people on okcupid, I would just quickly scan the profile and send them something witty or funny, but no more than a sentence or two.. I had about a 50% response rate.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

arnie said:


> ^^ When I was messaging people on okcupid, I would just quickly scan the profile and send them something witty or funny, but no more than a sentence or two.. I had about a 50% response rate.


I didn't say witty messages didn't get answers, I said they didn't lead anywhere. I've had a girl send me her IM address, and a bit later, I found out she thought I was average looking and saw me as a potential friend.

It's easy to make up some BS like "I can tell you're not like other girls" and so on. Those messages get a better response rate, but at what expense?


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## shy-one (May 10, 2008)

Depends on the culture.

In Anglo-saxon countries such as the UK, US, and Australia? Yes girls definitely have it easier with online and offline dating. In these countries women tend to be much more picky and will only consider dating the top 10% of men. As a result, the average guy does find it extremely difficult. 

However, go somewhere in Europe such as Germany and you will find it is much more balanced. In Germany women will approach guys more often, and they aren't as picky. 

If you want the easiest place on earth to date women, then head to either russia or ukraine. Here you will actually have your pick of hot, beautiful woman who will practically throw themselves at you. If you like asian women then Thailand and Phillipines are also great places. 

So it is only the english speaking, anglo-saxon countries where men have it difficult. This is precisely why I gave up on anglo-saxon women, moved to europe, and met an awesome german woman.

So to the OP, please don't give up. Just start looking for foreign women. Sign up to dating sites with foreign women, and I guarantee you will get more women initiating messages.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

That's pretty accurate but you have to understand a good 95% of those messages AT LEAST are complete dog**** and a waste of the girl's time to even read, most of them are just "ay ur hot lol wanna fuk n play xbox lol hit me up bb k bye" or just "hi". I had no problems with online dating as a guy and I'm pretty average looking more or less, I talked to probably 60+ girls extensively and I met my GF on PoF so it's totally doable as long as you're not a complete retard like pretty much every other guy out there.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

GD8 said:


> That's pretty accurate but you have to understand a good 95% of those messages AT LEAST are complete dog**** and a waste of the girl's time to even read, most of them are just "ay ur hot lol wanna fuk n play xbox lol hit me up bb k bye" or just "hi". I had no problems with online dating as a guy and I'm pretty average looking more or less, I talked to probably 60+ girls extensively and I met my GF on PoF so it's totally doable as long as you're not a complete retard like pretty much every other guy out there.


GTFO.

You're probably much more attractive than you think. You're the only guy on this forum who openly claimed to have no problem getting dates and female interest online.

I have had some success, but it was also a massive pain in the *** to go through on the whole.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

TPower said:


> GTFO.
> 
> You're probably much more attractive than you think. You're the only guy on this forum who openly claimed to have no problem getting dates and female interest online.
> 
> I have had some success, but it was also a massive pain in the *** to go through on the whole.


I'm really really not (I actually just posted a pic in the outfits thread so you be the judge), maybe I'm okay looking in real life but I'm so ridiculously unphotogenic it's not even funny. It has more to do with the fact that I dress well and have interesting tastes in everything and I'm not totally generic, I stand waaaay out from all the typical rap/football loving douchebags out there online and in real life so of course it's easier for me to get a girl's attention. Basically interesting girls want interesting guys so either become interesting or just try to get lucky and have a dumb shallow relationship with some uninteresting girl, which is probably what you're going for anyway.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

SilentLuke said:


> that raises the question of what people are looking for when they are on a dating website. I doubt most people say they want one night stands because it would turn people off, but it doesn't mean they don't want them either.


I'm ashamed to admit it but when I was single, I frequented these sites just to hook up. Had zero interest in a long term relationship.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

GD8 said:


> That's pretty accurate but you have to understand a good 95% of those messages AT LEAST are complete dog**** and a waste of the girl's time to even read, most of them are just "ay ur hot lol wanna fuk n play xbox lol hit me up bb k bye" or just "hi".


 Aren't those 'bots' or something that just direct you to porn sites?


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

nubly said:


> Aren't those 'bots' or something that just direct you to porn sites?


Nope just genuinely stupid men, who then come to forums and ***** about how no girls will respond to them


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

It's funny because I can relate to many things you're saying.

I can't stand having pictures of me taken because I always feel hideous on them, but if I look at myself in the mirror, I think I'm fairly good looking.

I have various interests, including retro cinema, creative writing and video games. I am very much interested in the human mind and social phenoms. I have a very developed critical mind.

It has not helped me much online, thought. With all types of girls. 
- 80% of my messages would go unanswered
- 60% of the answered messages would lead nowhere
- of the 40% receptive who ended up on my IM, more than half were not interested (romantically) in me.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

GD8 said:


> That's pretty accurate but you have to understand a good 95% of those messages AT LEAST are complete dog**** and a waste of the girl's time to even read, most of them are just *"ay ur hot lol wanna fuk n play xbox lol hit me up bb k bye" or just "hi"*. I had no problems with online dating as a guy and I'm pretty average looking more or less, I talked to probably 60+ girls extensively and I met my GF on PoF so it's totally doable as long as you're not a complete retard like pretty much every other guy out there.


For some reason I love this post.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

GD8 said:


> I talked to probably 60+ girls extensively and I met my GF on PoF so *it's totally doable as long as you're not a complete retard *like pretty much every other guy out there.


Thanks for that..
Nice of you to call people on here retards.


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Nail in the coffin, online dating will not happen in my lifetime. Thanks for saving me a lot of valuable time.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Thank you thread necromancer, this was a nice SAS nostalgia trip. So many banned/forgotten users.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Any person who thinks otherwise is delusional. Women on these sites get bombarded with messages. Even below average girls receive messages. If you are a below average guy don't expect any luck. Girls in the west are picky.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

HellCell said:


> Nail in the coffin, online dating will not happen in my lifetime. Thanks for saving me a lot of valuable time.


and thanks for bumping a 2 year old thread...:blank

*the views of past silentluke do not necessarily reflect the views of the silentluke of today


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

SilentLuke said:


> and thanks for bumping a 2 year old thread...:blank
> 
> *the views of past silentluke do not necessarily reflect the views of the silentluke of today


You're welcome.

So you're online dating now?


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

My experience, I'd get like 5-10 messages a day. The majority saying perverted stuff.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

huh said:


> Thank you thread necromancer, this was a nice SAS nostalgia trip. So many banned/forgotten users.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

The people who think women in the west are fussier than elsewhere are funny/clueless. Different priorities is the only thing. And if you go somewhere where everyone's dirt poor with money sure, you'll find someone who wants your money.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

momentsunset said:


> My experience, I'd get like 5-10 messages a day. The majority saying perverted stuff.


that's why quality is a more important factor to consider than quantity. sorry you have had that experience.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Easier for them to get messages, but the quality is probably really ****ty because most guys on dating sites are looking for hook-ups.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Cam1 said:


> Easier for them to get messages, but the quality is probably really ****ty because most guys on dating sites are looking for hook-ups.


Yep, this.


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

Yes, especially in the "courtship" process, however like others have said the amount of creeps and weirdos they have to deal with doesn't sound like much fun. I have observed though as guys get older they seem to have it easier, or get a pick of the litter if you will like women do when they are younger. I don't know why it's just something I have observed.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

shy-one said:


> Depends on the culture.
> 
> In Anglo-saxon countries such as the UK, US, and Australia? Yes girls definitely have it easier with online and offline dating. In these countries women tend to be much more picky and will only consider dating the top 10% of men. As a result, the average guy does find it extremely difficult.
> 
> ...


[email protected] dude...what a story...so I can get a super hot trophy gf if I move to [email protected] dude...that sounds awesome.but what about south America?????


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## UncertainMuffin (Sep 24, 2008)

I think we have it a *lot *easier.


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## Buckyx (Nov 1, 2014)

how come this thread didnt get closed? yea mods, different measures for everyone

so in Germany girls are less picky lol, from what Ive seen they are not much attractive compared to rest europeans  Ive heard we have one of the prettiest girls here... not too far from germany, and they probably are picky as fck and you see a lot of hoes here also, damn gold diggers


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