# My goals to get rid of SA by March 2013



## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I pretty much need to force myself to change otherwise I wont be able to pass my course, since it requires an internship. These are my goals to do this. Will post everyday what I have completed.


Post vid in vid section of SA everyday
Talk to a stranger or someone I don't know well everyday. Does not count if they talk to me first or I am prompted to talk to them. I must find a way to talk to this person myself out of choice, not obligation. "hi" does not count as a conversation.
Call a business or something (find one) a few times a week to practice phone calling skills.
Go to gym 4 times a week.
Sing just in the street or whatever when other people are around.

Updating more goals later. Already done 5. Going to do number 1 for today.

edit:

6. Post a poem / story on fiction press each day.
7. Make a tumblr and post a drawing each day? Is that what it is for? I will find out anyway.

edit 2:

8. Watch a cringe worthy vid everyday unless I cant find one
9. Go on omegle and tell a stranger I have SA everyday.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It's great you are setting yourself goals to make progress however I fear the goals you are setting are a bit too difficult and it might lead to you feeling overwhelmed and like you are failing at progress. You don't need to force yourself into the deep end straight away, gradually easing into things and attacking smaller more manageable goals and moving up from there is generally a better and more successful way to go about it.

Best of luck though, if you feel you can manage these goals consistently then go for gold!


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

AussiePea said:


> It's great you are setting yourself goals to make progress however I fear the goals you are setting are a bit too difficult and it might lead to you feeling overwhelmed and like you are failing at progress. You don't need to force yourself into the deep end straight away, gradually easing into things and attacking smaller more manageable goals and moving up from there is generally a better and more successful way to go about it.
> 
> Best of luck though, if you feel you can manage these goals consistently then go for gold!


Hmm its not really the deep end, its more moderate to me. . Im an obsessive person, so doing it on a harder mode keeps me more focused on the goal.

edit: done number 1


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Hmm its not really the deep end, its more moderate to me. . Im an obsessive person, so doing it on a harder mode keeps me more focused on the goal.


Well if that is the case then go get em tigress!


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

AussiePea said:


> Well if that is the case then go get em tigress!


thanks :boogie:clap


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Done 7. I got literally sick in the stomach when I started this. Its calmed down now.

http://teachingmyselftodraw.tumblr.com/


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

10/13/2012:

Number 1 complete. Still getting nervous. I get the hot flush / sick in stomach feeling. I have I believe stopped getting obsessive thoughts about it, which is good. 

I cant do some of the other ones today because its really bad outside. Storms a coming. Will try to do 6 and 7 soon.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

i think if u go at it as hard as youve been going so far youll get past sa much sooner than march 2013...


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

illmatic1 said:


> i think if u go at it as hard as youve been going so far youll get past sa much sooner than march 2013...


 im not so sure. But thanks for the positivity. :boogie


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

:clap

This is surely gonna work! You sound determined! Some things you mentioned are quite cool and an inspiration. :3


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Strwbrry said:


> :clap
> 
> This is surely gonna work! You sound determined! Some things you mentioned are quite cool and an inspiration. :3


Thanks Strawberrys  :boogie:clap


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Done number 7. I can feel the anxious side effects. However, it is much better than the side effects I got from anxiety before. I have realised that anxiety made me feel empty inside before and decreased my emotional capabilities. Derealisation perhaps? This in comparison feels much better. I am becoming less avoidant.

edit: done number 9

edit2: done number 8. Wow that was a creepy and really cringe worthy one. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLyz9jyyKvUuke


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

10/14/2012

1. Done. Feel less anxiety than yesterday. 

looking at doing most of the other 8. today.

done 8 & 9. Looking at going to the gym soon.
edit 2:
4 and 5 done


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I did another tumblr post and drawing. Feels good to do things, rather than daydreaming. Might ring a company today. we will see.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I want to ring a company. Scared of doing it though. :/


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Sounds like you are doing well, keep up the good work!


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I was about to do the call. Stupid waiting time thing. Unnerved me! ugh


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I was about to do the call. Stupid waiting time thing. Unnerved me! ugh


why not try ordering pizza? worst case sconario is that u end up with a pizza :shrug


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

illmatic1 said:


> why not try ordering pizza? worst case sconario is that u end up with a pizza :shrug


thanks anyway, but I dont want to buy a pizza . Maybe I will try a company that wont have a lot of other people phoning them next time.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> thanks anyway, but I dont want to buy a pizza . Maybe I will try a company that wont have a lot of other people phoning them next time.


ooh, i got an idea, call tech support for something


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

illmatic1 said:


> ooh, i got an idea, call tech support for something


 one of my problems is that I hate lying and I suck at it. I only do it to reduce anxiety.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I did number one. My goal just for today is to finish stuff for presentation. I want to ring an insurance company to ask a question about insurance which is what the presentation is about.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

10/15/2012

 I phoned an insurance company + asked the question I needed to. Success! I think listening to the automated thingy that directs calls and does the waiting thing helped.

edit:

sung in public and made a tumbrl post. By how I handled something unexpected today, I think I am getting better. It would have been so much worse had I not changed a bit. I will continue the effort for exposure therapy. I will look for more and more exposures to do each day and try to complete as many as I can.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

10/16

went to the gym, sung did omgle etc. I am finding myself loosing motivation that I had before to do school work and keep busy all of the time. I will try to pull through again today.


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> 10/16
> 
> went to the gym, sung did omgle etc. I am finding myself loosing motivation that I had before to do school work and keep busy all of the time. I will try to pull through again today.


Hold on!! :')
You're doing awesome!
:squeeze


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Strwbrry said:


> Hold on!! :')
> You're doing awesome!
> :squeeze


Thanks! :squeeze


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

10/17/2012

I initiated a conversation with someone and did some of the other things. I failed though to keep busy. I let my obsessions get to me and gave in to them. I feel depressed now because of it. Its like I keep seeing imagined scenarios as a prediction of the future, like my daydreams are forcing themselves upon me... Why can't I just dream in my sleep like normal people


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> 10/17/2012
> 
> I initiated a conversation with someone and did some of the other things. I failed though to keep busy. I let my obsessions get to me and gave in to them. I feel depressed now because of it. Its like I keep seeing imagined scenarios as a prediction of the future, like my daydreams are forcing themselves upon me... Why can't I just dream in my sleep like normal people


It really sounds like OCD is a big problem for you in addition to SA. You should NOT be depressed about taking some time off. Maybe make up a plan to deal with OCD?


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

scarpia said:


> It really sounds like OCD is a big problem for you in addition to SA. You should NOT be depressed about taking some time off. Maybe make up a plan to deal with OCD?


Yes thats a very good idea. I really need to plan out what I am doing in places so that I do not end up with a lot of thinking time (excl study esque thinking). I need to be already of what I am doing all the time, so that it does not happen. The OCD thing happens when I am not doing anything productive.

I have been doing this thing where I ask what has changed to make me feel this way and does this match up with the en result? The biggest problem is that it take me ages to realize what I am doing and stop it.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I didn't do any today. I realize that exposure therapy does take a toll on you. I am trying now to focus on study for exams. I will continue once it is over. I have realized some benefits already though.


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## oxxygen (Jul 11, 2012)

Good luck! You can do it! :boogie


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Big mistake to stop doing all of these. Started getting really depressed thinking only about exams and study. Not good.


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Big mistake to stop doing all of these. Started getting really depressed thinking only about exams and study. Not good.


I know what you mean. Perfectionists only focus on studies and panick if they don't spend all their time on it. Something I wanted to do (but failed to lol), was going out everyday on a long walk and do stuff during it. I thought it would refresh my mind and I wouldn't feel so depressed once I got out of my room. Only day I did it, had a long walk in the forest. It really helped.

Good luck with your exams! Believe in yourself (I already believe in you  )
:squeeze


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Strwbrry said:


> I know what you mean. Perfectionists only focus on studies and panick if they don't spend all their time on it. Something I wanted to do (but failed to lol), was going out everyday on a long walk and do stuff during it. I thought it would refresh my mind and I wouldn't feel so depressed once I got out of my room. Only day I did it, had a long walk in the forest. It really helped.
> 
> Good luck with your exams! Believe in yourself (I already believe in you  )
> :squeeze


Thanks!  :squeeze

I also fail to spend all day studying even when I want to. I just keep thinking I cant do this and that right now, need to study. Then I end up daydreaming and stuff like that. The key is I think to do a few fun things that dont involve a computer each day.


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## bornunderprotest (Oct 8, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I pretty much need to force myself to change otherwise I wont be able to pass my course, since it requires an internship. These are my goals to do this. Will post everyday what I have completed.
> 
> 
> Post vid in vid section of SA everyday
> ...


please be careful,hard and ridgid ultimatums around personal change can be tricky. be flexible,allow time and life to move at its pace. you're very young,so i understand wanting to change quickly,but please do have compassion for yourself, and give time and patience priority. you don't want to set yourself up for devastating dissapointment...best of luck...


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

bornunderprotest said:


> please be careful,hard and ridgid ultimatums around personal change can be tricky. be flexible,allow time and life to move at its pace. you're very young,so i understand wanting to change quickly,but please do have compassion for yourself, and give time and patience priority. you don't want to set yourself up for devastating dissapointment...best of luck...


Thanks  I think you are right no this. Some of them are too hard to do everyday. I might change the phone call and initiate conversation to once a week and work up from there, since I have not been able to do them much at all.


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## bornunderprotest (Oct 8, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Thanks  I think you are right no this. Some of them are too hard to do everyday. I might change the phone call and initiate conversation to once a week and work up from there, since I have not been able to do them much at all.


 do you have a support system [friends,family,therapists, etc]?

this website is nice,but it's not a substitute for real flesh people in your everyday world.


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## marthatav (Jul 26, 2012)

Wooooah, You should be extremely proud of yourself.
Good luck 

You can do it!


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

bornunderprotest said:


> do you have a support system [friends,family,therapists, etc]?
> 
> this website is nice,but it's not a substitute for real flesh people in your everyday world.


No I don't. I dont want anyone to know about my SA etc. and I don't have friends irl.  Its fine though.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

marthatav said:


> Wooooah, You should be extremely proud of yourself.
> Good luck
> 
> You can do it!


:boogieThanks


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## Gorillaz (Jul 13, 2010)

You're awesome, keep it up : )


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## cerulean (Dec 8, 2008)

Nice idea for a thread. Keep it up! I should do something like this.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Gorillaz said:


> You're awesome, keep it up : )


Thanks :boogieIm going on full blast on Tuesday when My exams are finished. Im only doing a few each day right now.



cerulean said:


> Nice idea for a thread. Keep it up! I should do something like this.


. You should it helps to motivate yourself.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Goals for summer holidays (4 months), which start in 3 days:

- Get full drivers license and stop being afraid of driving
- Get better at drawing, be able to draw a few things well and use shadows and foreshortening correctly
-learn visual basic
-Get a summer job if possible
-Reduce SA majorly / get rid of. 
- Learn far more about finance and economics by reading journals, books and going to related websites each day.
-stop maladaptive daydreaming.
- Be more productive by removing procrastination / unhealthy habits
- Go to gym 4 days a week and lose a few kgs.


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## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Goals for summer holidays (4 months), which start in 3 days:
> 
> - Get full drivers license and stop being afraid of driving
> - Get better at drawing, be able to draw a few things well and use shadows and foreshortening correctly
> ...


Wooot!! Those are some awesome goals! :3
Oh man, let me know if you get rid of being afraid of driving, I have that too.. 
:squeeze Keep doing your thing!!


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Strwbrry said:


> Wooot!! Those are some awesome goals! :3
> Oh man, let me know if you get rid of being afraid of driving, I have that too..
> :squeeze Keep doing your thing!!


thanks  :squeeze. Yes hopefully I can get rid of that driving fear. Then I can drive around without metaphorically peeing my pants


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Initiating conversations that isn't something I would normally do is hard. I seem to only be able to do it without anxiety I think because im not avoiding SA gets worse :/. Gonna start smaller. Im going to try saying hi to people withotu being prompted to on Gaia which is a virtual reality thing.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Goal for tonight = talk to (could be just saying hi) 100 people on this website/ 100 times. Going to count a tally on 4 so far.


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## 84929 (May 10, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Goals for summer holidays (4 months), which start in 3 days:
> 
> - Get full drivers license and stop being afraid of driving
> - Get better at drawing, be able to draw a few things well and use shadows and foreshortening correctly
> ...


I have those same goals as well. Well expect for the economics part :lol

But I wanna get my driver's license. I know how to drive but I fear taking the test. I wanna make some changes in my life. I wanna get my driver's license will be the first stpe in that 

Good Luck with that! Keep up the good work


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

PumpkinSeed said:


> I have those same goals as well. Well expect for the economics part :lol
> 
> But I wanna get my driver's license. I know how to drive but I fear taking the test. I wanna make some changes in my life. I wanna get my driver's license will be the first stpe in that
> 
> Good Luck with that! Keep up the good work


Good luck to you too! :boogie


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## Anjali (Nov 5, 2012)

Those are good goals. I wish you good luck.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Anjali said:


> Those are good goals. I wish you good luck.


thanks


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Today I did some small talk with 2 cashiers  I also had a short conversation with a woman at the gym.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Virtual reality exposures are definitely helping. I think its because I have never care about looks, its more that I hate my personality and I feel like i am less capable than everyone else. So online is similar to real life for me. Im going to continue doing it until I can make friends with people on the MMORPG I am playing.


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## bornunderprotest (Oct 8, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Virtual reality exposures are definitely helping. I think its because I have never care about looks, its more that I hate my personality and I feel like i am less capable than everyone else. So online is similar to real life for me. Im going to continue doing it until I can make friends with people on the MMORPG I am playing.


i'm very proud of you... 

i would simply say, that you don't really have to live life by slogans.

"get busy living,or get busy dying",is a bit harsh and extreme. i'd suggest,seeing life as a volume control, with many shades of reality. that, has more flexibility, than a simple on off switch. best to you..........


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

bornunderprotest said:


> i'm very proud of you...
> 
> i would simply say, that you don't really have to live life by slogans.
> 
> "get busy living,or get busy dying",is a bit harsh and extreme. i'd suggest,seeing life as a volume control, with many shades of reality. that, has more flexibility, than a simple on off switch. best to you..........


Thanks  :boogie

Well I have that quote because I find the main character very inspiring how he never gives up hope.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Doing exposure right now. Dressing online character in another account in a way I think is not attractive and trying to initiate conversations. So far virtual reality has worked for me so I need to keep doing. I am still very resistant to do these things even though there is no real risk.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

applied for short term job today. I got blurry vision, and blank mind from just walking up there, but I did it. 

My avoidance (daydreaming) has decreased as I am better able to cope with situations. I am not experiencing however worse anxiety as a result. I must continue to push through this. Exposure tonight online I will stay for 20 minutes, and not leave or avoid and try to talk to people.

edit: I did it !


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I created a small program which tells me that im stupid when I get the question wrong. I then get the awnser wrong all the time. Its simple addition stuff. I actually got blurry vision from it . I think it is working so far. The tally is 150 times. I will do it till I get to 1000. see if it has improved by OCD. I feel like OCD perfectionism needs to die so that I can actually accomplish things and thus increase my self esteem.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I initiated two conversations with 2 different women at the gym and did a yoga class 

I by instinct declined an invitation to get a ride home from a nice girl from the class though :/. I think its because im afraid of people my age.


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