# Toughing it out with an unlikeable therapist



## redstardude (Mar 10, 2008)

I am seeing a therapist through a subsidised care package. I was told this psychologist was "really popular" and "a lot of patients like her". I was expecting a regular CBT session, although I got a personality test instead. (I'm guessing I have a dx of AvPD with Dependent tendencies). I found her to be quite aggressive and condescending but with small actions such as bringing me biscuits and water during the test designed to enable empathy and trust.

I can't change therapists, I don't really like her and my level of trust in her is 2%

*How can I make therapy work ?*


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I am not sure therapy with a therapist you don't like can work. It's as much about the relationship with them as it is about their technical knowledge.

IMO, when people tell you in advance that someone is 'really popular' and 'liked by lots of people' then there is something fishy going on, i.e. the exact opposite is true. I would speak to whoever in the organization you can speak to even though you might not be able to change therapists straight away. Others will have said the same about her and eventually they will get rid of her.

:hug


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Tell her exactly what you want to work on in how to deal with situations that are current. How you can think clearer before and going into them. How to think realistically, like with CBT and ACT. 

I wouldn't go too much into past hurts because you would need someone sympathetic with that. You can save that for later with someone else or work on that yourself. Just sum up things and don't expect her to care because now you know that isn't a strength. Speak matter of factly about it and keep to what you can do now in the present.


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## redstardude (Mar 10, 2008)

Thanks for these suggestions. I will try them.


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## Blueshadow (Sep 16, 2008)

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful! I don't have any suggestions but do sympathize.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

redstardude said:


> I found her to be quite aggressive and condescending but with small actions such as bringing me biscuits and water during the test designed to enable empathy and trust.


LOL. Sounds like the mean mom type. I got a picture of... Marie from Everybody loves Raymond, or George Contanza's mom, or Rosanne from the Rosanne show

"no you are wrong, blah blah blah, just be quiet and listen to me, blah blah blah, more chicken?, or do you want pasta? Now, listen here, blah blah blah, you're way off base blah blah blah, would you like some more milk dear? blah blah blah, if you would just shut up a minute blah blah blah, if you listened to me before blah blah blah..I told you so blah blah blah..do you want apple pie or pineapple upside down cake blah blah blah..you know you really sound so uninformed...blah blah blah..I'm making chocolate cake tomorrow..blah blah blah...just keep making black and white statement without thinking through..blah blah blah..here, you can take the rest home, I'll wrap it up for you, don't forget to heat it up before...blah blah blah, you really have so little memory and fact retention, I did not say that before, you really do not feel that way..blah blah blah"


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

For any therapist, be authentic and honest, disclose your entire private experience. Don't squelch, repress, undermine anything. 

That person is going to be more receptive to you, since you really are being honest and authentic.

I strongly bet if you do that, the therapist is going change.

I can't imagine any therapist whether really bad or good, not holding concern over someone who is being honest with themselves.


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## redstardude (Mar 10, 2008)

> LOL. Sounds like the mean mom type. I got a picture of... Marie from Everybody loves Raymond, or George Contanza's mom, or Rosanne from the Rosanne show


 :lol :lol It certainly is a new way of looking at it.

Gerard - I have been as open as I can be with previous therapists, no matter how embarrassing, shameful, scary it is. However, with this one I don't think I will be as forthcoming until there is a bit more trust. I am a very very trusting person.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

redstardude said:


> > LOL. Sounds like the mean mom type. I got a picture of... Marie from Everybody loves Raymond, or George Contanza's mom, or Rosanne from the Rosanne show
> 
> 
> :lol :lol It certainly is a new way of looking at it.
> ...


I believe that's a good idea. That's wise.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

Sunshine009 said:


> LOL. Sounds like the mean mom type. I got a picture of... Marie from Everybody loves Raymond, or George Contanza's mom, or Rosanne from the Rosanne show
> 
> "no you are wrong, blah blah blah, just be quiet and listen to me, blah blah blah, more chicken?, or do you want pasta? Now, listen here, blah blah blah, you're way off base blah blah blah, would you like some more milk dear? blah blah blah, if you would just shut up a minute blah blah blah, if you listened to me before blah blah blah..I told you so blah blah blah..do you want apple pie or pineapple upside down cake blah blah blah..you know you really sound so uninformed...blah blah blah..I'm making chocolate cake tomorrow..blah blah blah...just keep making black and white statement without thinking through..blah blah blah..here, you can take the rest home, I'll wrap it up for you, don't forget to heat it up before...blah blah blah, you really have so little memory and fact retention, I did not say that before, you really do not feel that way..blah blah blah"


Argh, I just dealt with one of those types at work today.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

Wow I know people like that in real life. It's hard to whether to see them as a bad guy or a good guy. I know they messes with out minds.


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