# Dealing With Pushy People



## wallcat (Jan 14, 2015)

I just really need to have a good grumble to be honest. One of the difficulties I have when dealing with others is finding that balance between compromise and standing my ground. I like to try and be supportive and encouraging of the people around me, and I guess that's something I'd like to get in return from my friendships. Unfortunately I've met a lot of pushy/opinionated people who are happy to tell others what to do but can't seem to take it when somebody else speaks up about what they want to do. I feel like I'm constantly being jabbed at for not wanting to have the same lifestyle as what they do. I took this jokingly as a bit of banter at first, but when they're doing it all the time it starts to get wearing – especially when you have social insecurities like I do. They make me feel like I'm boring or weird for not being like them. They're always pushing to get their own way and will even encourage others - including random strangers - to join in. I tried to be politely assertive with what I wanted and they told me to get lost. When I do manage to stand by my own choices they question them and act all pedantic about it. Should friendship be such hard work?

I'd try and talk to them about how this is affecting me, only they don't seem to understand that not everybody thinks in the same way. They have a tendency to use 'it's just a joke' as an excuse and accuse other people of being too sensitive. The annoying thing is that I do actually enjoy hanging out with other people and if they just asked instead of pushing I'd probably be more than happy to go along with what they wanted. When they act pushy my stubborn side kicks in and It makes me want to withdraw.

To me, the joy of connecting with other people isn't because they share all of my exact opinions, but because they have their own set of differences that makes it interesting to get to know them. I feel like a good friendship will offer something positive to everyone involved. Many of mine have felt one sided, with me doing all the work and not getting much out of it in return. I know I can't expect other people to treat friendship like I do, but it's very difficult to make friends when you're repeatedly being pushed around. Does anybody get this problem?


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Perhaps find more friends, ones who'd be inclined to share your lifestyle? Perhaps that would feel more fulfilling and be more comfortable for you?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Many of my enduring friendships were ones in which I felt like the inferior subordinate. In hindsight it made sense...most of the friends I've had where we were on equal terms did not last very long because there was almost no meaningful substances coming from either side. I find that I react well to meaningful substances, initiating it is the hard part. My friends are often the initiator of things, and I think my mistake was letting that slide way too often to become the hallmark of our friendship. They just assumed that whatever non-drastic thing they did would work for both of us since they knew I would accept out of politeness. Once I got over that hurdle by being comfortable enough to be assertive, it was a bit too late, at least too late to change their attitude towards me on a whim.

Reading your post, it seems you are voicing your concerns to these friends well enough, but it's not clear at which point during the friendship you are bringing this up. Were you perhaps unassertive like I was during the early stages of the friendship, and that characteristic is how these friends have come to identify you, despite acting in a different way now? It can be tough to change one's image of a person depending on how long you've known them.


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