# I overcame social anxiety. My story



## triumpantshout (Apr 26, 2016)

So back when I was 16 (6 years ago), I frequented this forum and was in the midst of living life totally controlled by my SAD. 

To go back a bit, when I was 12 I remember my SAD was triggered by some changes in my family and loss of security, and I left 7th grade to be homeschooled cause I could no longer sit in a class room without having high levels of anxiety. 

I had no idea what was wrong with me nor was I even self-aware enough to conclude that there was anything wrong with me. I simply just began to be controlled by my fears that at the time I articulated to those around me as something else: "I don't feel good." 

I was homeschooled up until 9th grade and due to some more circumstances that arose in my family, I was forced to re-enter public school. I lasted 3 months and they were by far the worst 3 months of my life. I dreaded school and felt extremely anxious every single morning. I looked forward to sleeping because it was when I had a break from reality. I made no friends. When I sat in class I just kept my head down. I remember my heart would beat so fast, my hands would sweat, I couldn't even walk across a classroom to hand in a paper to the teacher's desk without feeling extremely self-conscious and feeling like I forgot how to walk. My vision would go blurry if I had to make eye contact with others while talking. My teachers would look at me with concern--who knows what they thought--but they just didn't have an understanding of what was going on inside my head to offer help. 

My grades dropped to the point where it appeared like I was a careless student. Growing up, I had actually been an exceptional student. In English and Writing I often surpassed the majority of those my age. I'm not saying this to brag. I'm saying this to show the affects that SAD had. My grades dropped to the point of embarrassment, because I could no longer focus in class. I was asked to leave a class because I was failing, and my guidance counselor met with me to see what was wrong-- I remember explaining to him the lie that I just didn't care about my grades. 

I left high school in my freshmen year in December 2008. Due to even more circumstances that occurred, I had to go back to a public high school, but this time it was in Florida. I lasted one week. It was the week of Obama's first inauguration, I remember watching it in class. I was about to become part of the ROTC Junior Army that was an option to be a part of in that high school. I remember music class and how it was something I actually looked forward to. I remember the math class and how I had no idea what the heck was going on cause I was so behind in math. But after one week I convinced my mom to let me be homeschooled again, and so I left.

Then I was 15. A 15-year-old with extremely low self-confidence that I could actually successfully do anything because seriously... I didn't even last more than a week in a high school. What was the rest of my life going to look like? 

I would spend hours online trying to find a cure for myself, only to find that social anxiety triumphs were unheard of and that while there were many ways to cope, its pretty much something you have to live with. Talk about feeling hopeless tho. 

Also, I think now is a good time to throw in a little disclaimer. I wasn't completely a blob of anxiety and do-nothing-ness. I don't want to make it seem like my life was worse than it actually was. I didn't have that bad of anxiety around my family and childhood friends (this is common in SAD). Just everyone else in the world. I still had some really good times with them. I was always really ambitious and had a dream of being a singer when I grew up. I wasn't even naturally that great of a singer, but something always drew me to it. I would go to singing lessons, record myself on Garageband and attempt to write songs that other people would want to hear. My songs were pretty depressing though, cause I guess I was depressed. 

Someone I haven't mentioned yet in my little story is someone very significant to me, and I believe to my triumph. Some would argue that He had nothing to do with it, but I personally believe that without Him I would've been overcome with my depression before I hit 20, as suicidal and impulsive thinking were things that also plagued my mind. 

I grew up in a pentecostal church, and always stuck with my faith in Jesus Christ. By the time I was 16 though, I wondered if I had done something or lacked faith that caused Him not to hear my prayers. I had been praying to Him to take away my fear since my freshman year of high school, especially in those three worst months of my life I mentioned before. Nothing had really changed in my life though. Everything seemed to have only gotten worse, so I thought that He didn't care. Moreso, I blamed myself for not believing Him enough and thought that one day if I had enough faith He'd set me free from my SAD. 

When I was in church I had high levels of anxiety too. During the praise and worship, I remember whenever I lifted my hands they would shake, and I would literally be trembling. 

I remember in November of 2010, I was in Florida still and I streamed a church service in NYC. The NYC church was doing a three-day fast and I joined in on the fast. I lasted like a day and half into it before I was on the floor eating peanut butter with a spoon while my brother laughed at me and said God was probably laughing too. Something amazing happened to me on the night of the fast though. On the same night I was googling pictures of tacos from Taco Bell because I thought I was starving to death, I began to pray in a way I never did before. While I was praying, my mouth started saying things unrecognizable. I realized I was doing this thing called 'praying in tongues'. I was totally freaked out because I actually was never even sure if my prayers reached God. But when that happened I knew 2 things: God was real, and He heard me. 

When I was 17, I applied to go to Bible college. Now, I actually never finished high school. So I put together my own transcript and made it look legit as possible, and sent it in with my application. And I got accepted, lol. I should've been in 12th grade during my first year of Bible college. I was extremely hesitant on going because of my past experience with school and how I couldn't last a week in high school. But at this point it was kind of like "well...I feel my life isn't going anywhere anyway, so I might as well try it." 

I lasted the whole time and graduated in April 2014. It wasn't easy though. What made the real difference were a few things I think. (I don't want this to come across as an advertisement for Bible schools or even Jesus, because He doesn't need advertisement or me to convince you of anything, I'm simply sharing what really happened in my life.) But anyway, what I think was different about Bible school was that the people there actually talked to me. In public school and even other Christian groups I was generally ignored and written off as the snobby girl that was too good for everyone else so she didn't talk to them. I was constantly encouraged in Bible school, and it was also the place where I shared with others my real struggles with SAD and didn't feel I had to hide it anymore. Though most people still didn't understand it fully or why I struggled with it, the very fact that I didn't have to hide it anymore was monumental in my triumph. 

Today, I am 22 years old. Let me be real tho. I am still shyer than most people, a little (or a lot) insecure sometimes, and I've never had a boyfriend. Are these things results of my previous SAD? Probably. But let me share with you some of the results of my faith in Christ. I'm now a worship leader that gets up in front of people weekly (btw, my hands don't shake anymore when I lift them.) I am a leader of a high school Christian Club in the biggest high school in NYC, (though I never finished high school myself (got my GED after Bible school though I work at one of the busiest retail stores in Manhattan and am interacting with hundreds of people on a weekly basis. I just applied to college and am confident that social anxiety will never hinder my life from going forward again. Also, since Bible college, I've released original music and last week I flew to Nashville to work some more on my singing. I believe in Jesus and I believe that with Him there's nothing I cannot do. 

The end (for now)


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Congratulations, triumpantshout, @triumpantshout.


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## Dark Jewel (Jul 18, 2014)

Congrats, I guess...


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Omg, this is wonderful/inspiring! Best post I've read all day. God bless you for sharing. :squeeze


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

TriumphantShout,

You know the verse.....

"_For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of sound mind"_

_2 Timothy 1:7_

Yep, that's about right! Welcome to SAS .


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yes! I've been looking for this post/thread for like a year lol. Thank you God for helping me find it . This is still my favorite thread/post of all time, so inspiring. I needed to reread this.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

triumpantshout said:


> While I was praying, my mouth started saying things unrecognizable. I realized I was doing this thing called 'praying in tongues'.


I would go to the docs, this could be a sign of an underlying illness.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Family, friends, religion... all good to help you feel like you belong and fit in. Many of us don't have those things. Personally, I don't have the ability to believe in god or the supernatural. Sometimes I wish I could. There must be comfort in believing there is something bigger than all of us, and that this life is not all there is.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Still my favorite thread, wish she would come back and update.


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## NotFullyHere (Apr 29, 2018)

I sincerely hope she continues to do well, today. Too bad she was a one-post wonder.

NFH


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

NotFullyHere said:


> I sincerely hope she continues to do well, today. Too bad she was a one-post wonder.
> 
> NFH


For this reason, it felt it was more of a pro-Christianity thread disguised as a "how I beat SA" thread. Not to disrespect the religion or Christians in any way. Whatever works if this worked for OP.


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## UlteriorMot (Jul 8, 2018)

good job kevin


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## NotFullyHere (Apr 29, 2018)

Blue Dino said:


> For this reason, it felt it was more of a pro-Christianity thread disguised as a "how I beat SA" thread. Not to disrespect the religion or Christians in any way. Whatever works if this worked for OP.


I don't get that vibe from it, it seems genuine to me because of how detailed and LONG it was lol But it doesn't help that she made only one post.

I do wonder, what if she became a non-believer? Would that mean going back to having SA? Her healing is so rooted in Jesus that it seems without actively believing, all of her SA symptoms could return just like that.

_"I believe in Jesus and I believe that with Him there's nothing I cannot do."_


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

NotFullyHere said:


> I do wonder, what if she became a non-believer? Would that mean going back to having SA? Her healing is so rooted in Jesus that it seems without actively believing, all of her SA symptoms could return just like that.
> 
> _"I believe in Jesus and I believe that with Him there's nothing I cannot do."_


Yeah base her on post, it seems to me her triumph or improvement with her SA are mostly attribute and rooted to the pleasantry of the people and socializing she met and mingled with through church. That gave her confidence and probably helped curb her SA. At least that's what it seems like to me. Instead of god, jesus or the higher power answering her with prayers and blessing away her SA. But could also argue it was god who blessed her with the situation to meet these people and thus curbing her SA. I'm not religious in any way and I know this is a religious spiritual support section, so excuse my religious ignorance if I offended anyone again.

Although I'm not religious at all myself, but I do am aware how churches mostly can be a healthy social and support environment for a lot of people. And I do think this thread is an example of it. Again, whatever works, go for it.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

NotFullyHere said:


> I do wonder, what if she became a non-believer? Would that mean going back to having SA? Her healing is so rooted in Jesus that it seems without actively believing, all of her SA symptoms could return just like that.


Thats a legit question. I personally don't think believers actually turn away fully from God ever, maybe some dry seasons and whatnot. But hypothetically I know I would be better off than before He found me. I'll be left with more confidence, more experience, etc than before .


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