# I am in love, the unrequited kind....



## Millais (Mar 15, 2012)

What do I do?

Desire leads to suffering.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Avoidance. The less you see of them, the quicker you'll get over them. Plus it helps if you find someone new to fall for. Best of luck Millais.


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## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

So you aren't 'in love', so to speak? Just deeply infatuated with someone who doesn't feel the same?

Desire does lead to suffering, no doubt. Especially as in your case there no hope for a positive outcome. Or is there something you can do? You haven't given much context.

What do you do? First, join the queue/club. The one millions of us are in (including me). and tell yourself you will not let this negativity ruin your life or depress you. Try keep busy.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I am also a memeber of that club. Going through it right now. Lucky for me I am a life time member, I have been through this before... many, many times... yeah, lucky me.:rain

Anyway, the best advice is to keep busy. There is no such thing as doing nothing anymore, when you do nothing you do nothing but think about the one you can't have. Find a hobby, find anything that takes your mind off of them. If you can keep busy, you eventually get over them.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

It was the worst thing I ever went through.

Stay strong


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i'm not in love but am having a deep unrequited infatuation, it totally sucks! hugs to the OP and everyone else feeling this.


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## CityslickerCody (Feb 23, 2012)

I just got over an unrequited love who only saw me as a friend. We're still friends now and I sometimes get reminded why I used to have a crush on them, but I got over the strong feelongs I had. Unrequited love is only infatuation even though the feelings feel so real. It's destructive emotionally and I wasted a year on waiting for her to somehow change her mind when I could have spent time on finding a girl who did like me.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

Millais said:


> What do I do?
> 
> Desire leads to suffering.


 Sounds like a Confusius quote. Time to become a Buddhist and release all desires so you can reach nirvana!!!!!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Women just cause suffering. It's best to forget real life dating, and concentrate on porn. At least that's what I've done.


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## Matt21 (Jul 11, 2012)

I don't know if I'm in a situation like this. I guess i'm in love with the idea of her. This could be wrong though.
Anyway, best of luck to you and everyone who feels the same way.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

You can do what I do, and try to convince yourself that to love someone is to NOT require that love be returned. There can be joy in giving love...sometimes.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

It hurts. I know. Try to stay strong and distract your mind, otherwise you may end up like I did: http://www.psychforums.com/stalking-harassment/topic90188.html#p851851

Please, try and move on as soon as possible.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Women just cause suffering. It's best to forget real life dating, and concentrate on porn. At least that's what I've done.


Why not see a prostitute? Aren't you curious to know what sex is like? Apparently you're not a bad looking guy from what I heard right? Your problem is likely that you are shy and socially awkward. Maybe you have trouble connecting with women too (I'm starting to wonder if that is more my problem rather than shyness with women. If I can bring up 15" dildos on a first date with a girl, I don't think I'm that shy) If you're a cute guy and you pick a quality escort, she will rock your world. These girls mainly see ugly, fat and/or old men. They'd love to seduce a shy, cute guy. When I go to a strip club, I have strippers all over me. They approach me more than the other guys. Stuff like that will help with your confidence.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

phoenixwright said:


> I can bring up 15" dildos on a first date with a girl


:O

I am officially shocked. This man has GAME!

Or something like that.


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## Diogenes (Jul 21, 2012)

I had unrequited love almost exactly 2 years ago. I went into deep depression for well over a year. 

I still have no desire to ever go out with another girl again.

Depending on the severity of it, you will be lucky to survive.


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## Brenee (Feb 4, 2012)

Unrequited love is absolutely terrible. Last year I met this girl and fell completely in love. We dated last summer and she asked me to be her girlfriend. I was the happiest person but things suddenly changed. She decided out of the blue we would be better as friends and that left me crushed. Nearly a year later I'm still madly in love with her and it kills me. We're still friends but it hurts daily that we cannot be more because she doesn't return my love for her.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Orgasm is the quickest cure for love.

or not. You know. Whatever.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Unrequited? Cut them out of your life and move onwards. Lingering only leads to the pedestal you've put them on getting more and more infuriatingly out of your reach.


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## MyJoy (Dec 9, 2011)

How do you know your feelings are unrequited? Have you ever spoken to the said party about them?

If you have and they are, best bet is a hobby or something. Or if they are a friend try to spend less time with them.


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## 84929 (May 10, 2012)

I know how that feels. I liked this guy and he likes me. But he's just not at that 'place' right now in his life. He's not looking for relationships anymore cause he doesn't care. It's not that a romantic relationship is out of the question. Its just well he doesn't know. As he put it. 

I know he is just blowing me off. It sucks and it hurts. I'm personally starting to get tired of finding that somebody. I guess the best advice is to let them go and let it burn as Usher once said lol


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Me too. Avoiding and not speaking to them just makes me crave and miss them even more. It's been a year. Ugh, what's worse is that I'm stubborn and I can't let go of it because my brain forces me to think about them and even dream of them. My only option would be to take a pill to erase my memory of them.


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## cherryboom (Jun 14, 2012)

I am a woman and unrequited love has been the story of my life and the beginning of my depression and anorexia which left me fighting for my life. I told myself if I can't be loved I can at least be thin. I recovered from anorexia but now have severe bulimia and two years later depression still looms. I've also been admitted for overdosing twice.... And I fear that I'm falling for someone again who doesn't even care and the pain is so immense. I wish to escape and I bid you to do the same... Don't ruin your life or self-destruct over someone who doesn't care!


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Freiheit said:


> Me too. Avoiding and not speaking to them just makes me crave and miss them even more. It's been a year. Ugh, what's worse is that I'm stubborn and I can't let go of it because my brain forces me to think about them and even dream of them. My only option would be to take a pill to erase my memory of them.


One year? It's been almost five years in my case. Man, I feel like I could have written this post.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

CityslickerCody said:


> even though the feelings feel so real.


I've always wondered if this was to be taken literally. Feelings a person feels are not real.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

I wish I had someone to be infatuated over. The last time I was infatuated with someone was when I was 16 years old. Over ten years ago. I've had quite a few unrequited infatuations or "loves" during school and they never hurt or made me feel depressed.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> One year? It's been almost five years in my case. Man, I feel like I could have written this post.


One year that I haven't seen them in person. I've been liking them for 5 years now.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> Women just cause suffering. It's best to forget real life dating, and concentrate on porn.


Er, not really. Then you would be a porn-addict. It is kind of obvious.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Time helps, and shifting your focus, focus on things that don't involve the other person. Take them off your close friends on facebook. Stop initiating contact, maybe even stop responding to them if it takes that. 

First line of defense, realise that if you care about them genuinely indulging in your obsession probably makes them uncomfortable. 

If that doesn't work, start to cut back on contact, even if you have to avoid them completely. A lot of people are saying "In person" move these people into limited profile (or even delete) them on facebook so that you can't see what they are doing, and they can't comment on what you are doing and reignite your feelings. 

Distraction, get yourself involved in a project, lose yourself in a series of novels, whatever keeps your mind busy and not thinking about "love". Once in a while yes you will think of them, it happens just let it happen, get the frustration and the tears out and then go back to distracting yourself. 

It gets better... eventually. 

Try to realise you have an idealized image of the person that is not a reality, that they are flawed (the main flaw being that they don't realise YOU are awesome... i know that SHOULD be enough right?) but I'm sure they have others, its a little nitpicky but if it helps you move on then I don't see the harm. 

But yeah it sucks, I've been there, the worst I've had it, I'll admit the feelings come back every once in a blue moon on a sunday morning I will find myself crying even though I really am "over" it. Funny that way... I think if I had another relationship to invest myself in I wouldn't feel that way, I was just happy when I realised I was crushing on someone else. Because that had seemed impossible for nearly half a decade, that crush was unrequited too but hey at least I knew I could still develop feelings for someone else after that. 

That said, I now try to assess if someone isn't into me, I work on getting over it before I've become super invested. That whole love doesn't have to be requited BS I believed when I was younger is just not healthy for me. I am worth being loved in return, so if its not mutual I need to move on before I get super obsessy.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I've been there. 

Get her out of your life.

Only then I realized how untrue my feelings were. They were just filling a void.


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## In Search (Mar 1, 2012)

:timeJust let time handle this, you will heal.


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## MNM (Oct 3, 2012)

I had this, or thought I did. I never pursued it beyond trying to be friends because of my fear of failing in front of someone or losing them

But my friendly gesture last week, was a big misunderstanding and now we dont talk and I am miserable


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

Interesting, I didn't know there is a name for it until now. You learn something new every day.

I've been through three unrequited loves, two I was the lover and one I was the rejecter. Luckily for me, I can get over things very quickly, the longest was about a few weeks. Being on both sides of the fence I know that it isn't just one side that gets hurt, both sides does get hurt in the whole deal. Although most of the time I fail, but I will always try to find a balance and minimise the hurt experienced by both parties, because no matter what happened, no one was at fault and either party should dump on the other.



Millais said:


> What do I do?


Time and actively moving on, is the best (and only way) to go about it. Give yourself a chance to feel everything you want to feel and tell yourself that there is more people out there to love and there will be someone who will love you back.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

River In The Mountain said:


> Unrequited? Cut them out of your life and move onwards. Lingering only leads to the pedestal you've put them on getting more and more infuriatingly out of your reach.


Yeah, this. You don't want to pour oil on a fire by hanging around them so cut them out and let time do its thing.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

MaxPower said:


> Interesting, I didn't know there is a name for it until now. You learn something new every day.
> 
> I've been through three unrequited loves, two I was the lover and one I was the rejecter. Luckily for me, I can get over things very quickly, the longest was about a few weeks. Being on both sides of the fence I know that it isn't just one side that gets hurt, both sides does get hurt in the whole deal. Although most of the time I fail, but I will always try to find a balance and minimise the hurt experienced by both parties, because no matter what happened, no one was at fault and either party should dump on the other.
> 
> Time and actively moving on, is the best (and only way) to go about it. Give yourself a chance to feel everything you want to feel and tell yourself that there is more people out there to love and there will be someone who will love you back.


I don't know if both parties _*have*_ to get hurt, if the person who has the feelings never expresses the feelings and the person the feelings are for is clueless... and doesn't get hurt?

I'm always "That" girl, everyone seems to know i'm infatuated with someone except the person I'm infatuated with. I don't think it hurts them because I never say anything, and I have had all those guys say I am "such a good friend" from just about every guy I've crushed on , they also turn to me for love advice, to vent about their relationships/love interests. I figure they MUST be clueless because they are other-wise standup gentleman who wouldn't hurt on purpose like that , so I am doing my job keeping the unrequited feelings squelched and emphasising the friendship parts of our chemistry and it seems to work for them.


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## fm5827 (Mar 7, 2011)

I'm in the same situation right now, non stop I'm thinking about this woman. I've had many negative thoughts because I know nothing will ever happen between us, but it has also motivated me at the same time. I'm making more of an effort in life to get out and do things trying to get a job and my drivers license, so it hasn't all been bad.


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

awkwardsilent said:


> I'm always "That" girl, everyone seems to know i'm infatuated with someone except the person I'm infatuated with. I don't think it hurts them because I never say anything, and I have had all those guys say I am "such a good friend" from just about every guy I've crushed on , they also turn to me for love advice, to vent about their relationships/love interests. I figure they MUST be clueless because they are other-wise standup gentleman who wouldn't hurt on purpose like that , so I am doing my job keeping the unrequited feelings squelched and emphasising the friendship parts of our chemistry and it seems to work for them.


The situation could be that or it could be that they love you (or are "infatuated", I dislike that word) too but they pick up on your emphasising, assure you don't feel the same about them, don't make a move and treat you as a friend. Which isn't that what you are doing? Never guess or assume what the other person feels, you will always be wrong.



awkwardsilent said:


> I don't know if both parties _*have*_ to get hurt, if the person who has the feelings never expresses the feelings and the person the feelings are for is clueless... and doesn't get hurt?


By not letting this out, you are hurting yourself and as above there is a chance you are hurting the guy too. So, by inaction you still causing hurt.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Yes, it sucks to have romantic ideas of someone.


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