# How to cope after being with a guy



## kay_3308 (May 5, 2007)

I had my first real kiss with a guy that i have had a "Crush" on for a while now. The night before he left for the summer i finally let my self go and i kissed him (well he kissed me) and that lead to "2nd base" how do you deal with the thoughts the next day that run trough your head? i usually feel guilty, for some reason i don't know for what but i did enjoy being with him....any suggestions would be much appreciated


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## Zack C (May 12, 2007)

I love it when I get to second base. Why should you feel guilty.

I mean its not like he kissed you, an you whiped his dick out and sucked him off. Then your a ****. But not from what you did. Your cool.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Sounds good to me. I've done certain things and I felt guilty about it later, but in the moment I wanted to do it and I did. **** the guilt and **** "****" labels.


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## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

> but in the moment I wanted to do it and I did. @#%$ the guilt and @#%$ "****" labels.


Yeah, I not only feel guilty and ****ty but also regret. The first guy I ever made out with/kissed was with a really good guy friend of mine and yeah, I kind of wish I didn't do some of the things I did with him.


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## Zack C (May 12, 2007)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Strange Religion said:


> Sounds good to me. I've done certain things and I felt guilty about it later, but in the moment I wanted to do it and I did. @#%$ the guilt and @#%$ "****" labels.


Lets do this then. Let me get yo number girl... (JK)


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Haha :b <--- I use that thing too much.

Amara, don't beat yourself up over it. Regret will get you nowhere anyway because what's done is done. That's the way I look at it.
With the passing of time I'm able to get over things.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Zack C said:


> I love it when I get to second base. Why should you feel guilty.
> 
> I mean its not like he kissed you, an you whiped his [email protected]# out and sucked him off. Then your a ****. But not from what you did. Your cool.


Then what does that make the guy who got his [email protected]# sucked off?? Why is the girl the **** and not the guy?? I hate that old double standard. And you should be thinking a little more broader than that at your age, be more open minded and not adhere to old ridiculous double standards. You are awfully young to be that closeminded.

:spank But I am sure you are a good boy outside of that 

And for the OP, enjoy what you do, and if something is making you uncomfortable stop there. I am not sure how old you are but dont rush anything until YOU are ready. Its your body and your life.


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## Zack C (May 12, 2007)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Penny said:


> Zack C said:
> 
> 
> > I love it when I get to second base. Why should you feel guilty.
> ...


I geuss you could make an argument that the boy would be a **** too. But then again, we don't really care, girls do.


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## kay_3308 (May 5, 2007)

Well last night i had a little to much to drink and well i texted the guy and he told me that he feels like i used him for practice and in a way i did but i wouldnt have done what i did with just any one and now my closest friends are speaking up and telling me that i deserve better....ok im done venting


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Zack C said:


> I mean its not like he kissed you, an you whiped his [email protected]# out and sucked him off. *Then your a *****.





> But then again, we don't really care, girls do.


 Is it just me or do you see a contradiction there???

I am just saying that its this kind of thinking that keeps the old double standard alive.

That kind of thinking seems to go by the way side as you get older though, as someone who is 38, I can promise you that.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Preach it Penny. I hate that double standard. I think for the most part, people are going to have that mentality, but I'm not feeding into that crap. I look at it this way: If I'm a ****, he's a **** too. It goes both ways.

Kay, he's saying you "used him for practice", wtf? I'm sure he enjoyed it though, *******. Yeah, you can do better than that.


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## AskJeeves (May 25, 2005)

Kay, if it felt right at the time then that's all that matters.

If you didn't feel ready to go to 2nd base, you wouldn't of done it, right?

But you did and why? Because you wanted to.

As for you using him for practice, well if you did then it only benefits you in the end doesn't it! 

The more practice the better as far as i'm concerned lol, don't worry about it, it's healthy to experiment and explore, you should do it with him more, it may bring out a different side to you and this way, you'll know what to do if you ever were to get into a relationship with another man and you'll also know what you want in return too!


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Penny said:


> I am just saying that its this kind of thinking that keeps the old double standard alive.


There's a double standard because there's a big difference between the sexes. For instance: 
Doesn't the female of the species select its mate, the male of the species spread its seed?

It is a fact that the average man thinks about sex much more often than women.

How many women go to a male prostitute?

In my opinion, if you didn't have a stigma attached to the promiscuous female you would have chaos in society. Actually, one of the reasons why there is so much promiscuity these days is simply because the stigma has lessened to some degree. There was a day not long ago when mothers would remind their daughters that sleazy conduct was unladylike. A female instructor I had for my Western Civilization course told the class bluntly that "men have always been pigs, but any society where the women have also become pigs, has fallen."

Here's one clear example of the difference between the sexes. If you told 18 year-old males they could spend a night with the all the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders most of them would go for it. Yet, how many 18-year-old girls would choose to spend the night with the entire Dallas Cowboy football team.



> That kind of thinking seems to go by the way side as you get older though, as someone who is 38, I can promise you that.


Maybe many older females feel that way, but a lot of older men do not.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

I don't see any double standard at all. An "easy" guy is just as ****ty as an "easy" girl. Overly promiscuous behavior is usually frowned upon, no matter what gender you are.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Then you must be blind. There's a difference, it's usually frowned upon when it comes to women, but anyway, it's really all about the individual. Do what you want and all that good stuff.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Strange Religion said:


> Then you must be blind.


Where am I supposed to look to see what you see? 
I think it's frowned upon both sexes equally. For example, I've known guys that say stuff like, "ew, she's been with a lot of guys. major turn off." and I've known girls that say the exact same thing about guys. No one likes a player.

But, as you say, it comes down to the individual.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



free thinker said:


> Penny said:
> 
> 
> > I am just saying that its this kind of thinking that keeps the old double standard alive.
> ...


The older men that are still worrying about a girl's reputation is one I havent met. Those worries seem to be in one's younger days. By the time one is around 40, usually one has had several relationships, including marriage and divorce etc.

I do not like that you are implying that men are somehow less responsible for the decisions they make with their own bodies than woman are. There is a double standard; we all know this, that doesnt mean its right.



> Doesn't the female of the species select its mate, the male of the species spread its seed?


 What on earth are you talking about?? Men "select" their partner just as much as woman do?? What kind of archaic thought is "spreading seed"??? :stu Are we talking about dogs or humans???



> It is a fact that the average man thinks about sex much more often than women.


Woman think about sex quite a bit; and I think that would vary from age group to age group. I think women in their late 20s and 30s think about sex quite a bit. I am sure a young 16 year old guy who has never had sex and has his hormones raging is more apt to dream about sex all day than a guy that is 38 and in a relationship. And even if men think of sex more what does that prove?? I fail to see the point.



> How many women go to a male prostitute?


Not all men would go to a female prostitute, I believe there are have been more than a few threads right here on SAS that have shown many of the guys around here would never do that.

My whole point was that the double standards of yesterday should be cast aside. To say that two people have sex together and one is just following nature and the other is a **** is a ridiculous, antiquated thought process.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: How to cope after being with a guy*



Penny said:


> The older men that are still worrying about a girl's reputation is one I havent met. Those worries seem to be in one's younger days. By the time one is around 40, usually one has had several relationships, including marriage and divorce etc.


No, the older men are not "worrying" about it. They often just avoid getting serious with women who have extensive sexual histories. Obviously, men can remember when they were younger and recall the many disparaging remarks made against promiscuous females. Men of any age have never liked the idea that "their" woman has been the town tramp. They hate the thought of walking down the street and running into one of their woman's past lovers. Men are quite possessive that way and prefer the idea that their wife's body has not been a shared commodity in the community.  A man has to look at the woman as the future mother of his children and the idea that she has been tramping around doesn't gell well with the feminine, ladylike motherly image.



> Men are no less responsible for the decisions they make with their own bodies than woman are. There is a double standard; we all know this, that doesnt mean its right.


This isn't about responsibility. This is about human evolutionary history, biology and societal norms. Now if we are discussing pregnancy or STDs then we can discuss responsibility.



> What on earth are you talking about?? Men "select" their partner just as much as woman do?? What kind of archaic thought is "spreading seed"??? Are we talking about dogs or humans???


Of course, if you're a creationist you may have a problem accepting the fact that we are animals. But whether you like it or not, we are animals. So what I am talking about is the evolutionary and biological tendency for men to want to impregnate as much as possible. In the animal kingdom the female is biological designed(ie. peacock) to attract and select a mate to be the father to her offspring. The male on the other hand is designed to impregnate as many females as possible and then be chosen by a particular female.



> And even if men think of sex more what does that prove?? I fail to see the point.


This quote comes from a University of Chicago study which clearly demonstrates the differences between the sexes when it comes to thinking about sex. "Researchers at the University of Chicago reported in 1994 that 54 percent of men and 19 percent of women admitted they think about sex every day -- or several times a day." 
The point is that it is much harder for men to control their sexual urges because their high testosterone levels make it such a driving, overwhelming force. Society has long understood this. It is only natural for men to seek relief for their strong, sexual urges.



> Not all men would go to a female prostitute, I believe there are have been more than a few threads right here on SAS that have shown many of the guys around here would never do that.


Just as you did with the point I made about men thinking about sex more often than women, you've conveniently avoided the point that was made. A substantial number of men go to prostitutes, very few women do. Many men go to strip clubs, few women do. Many men read sex magazines or watch pornography, few women do. The average man masturbates much more than the average women. Clearly, there is a double standard in place because there is such an obvious difference between men and women sexually. Since a stigma has to be attached to one of the sexes in order to maintain civility in society, it makes much more sense that such a stigma be attached to the female.



> My whole point was that the double standards of yesterday should be cast aside. To say that two people have sex together and one is just following nature and the other is a **** is a ridiculous, antiquated thought process.


Or is it that some women would just like to have their cake and it eat too? Let's look at the current scenario. Women are wined and dined at the pursuer's expense, they have the power to decide when the couple will have sex, they can get free sex at will, and now they want to live in a society where there is no stigma attached to a female who is highly promiscuous. Boy, was I born as the wrong sex!


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