# Is it possible to make a relationship without a job?



## Musicologist (Jun 7, 2004)

How do you make a relationship without a job. Most woman want material things and i cant buy them for her or even take her to a nice resturuaunt without being employed. The problem is i am afraid to get a job because i would have to talk to all the workers and because of my awkwardness then they would soon find out that i am no good with girls and probably make fun of me. I really want a job so i can aproach a girl with confidence.
I just want a job that i feel comfortable in.


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

There's no way around it - you need to get a job. Not only does having a job let you buy things for a girl, but it can also show her that you're a responsible man who can stand on his own two feet. 

Don't worry about possible problems with your future coworkers for now. You can't let your fears preventing you from doing what you want. Also, most people who are not in high school anymore are usually nice and understanding. Just don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. Good luck.


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## Musicologist (Jun 7, 2004)

Thanks that was really helpful. :yes Now all i have to do is decide on what kind of career or job i am going to do.


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

I know two guys in relationships who don't have jobs, and didn't have them when meeting their partners.
It does help a great deal, but there's not a hard and fast rule.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I would be more then happy to date a guy without a job, but thing is I'm so picky that I'm not likely to find anyone compatible locally, so he would probably need a job just to be able to travel to come see me.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I think it's very possible. :yes I've seen guys(who don't have jobs) in relationships all the time. 

That's my problem, too, though; I'm worried about getting a job, because I'll have to talk to people, and I'm afraid of being judged. I'm still looking, though.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

SilentWisdom said:


> I think it's very possible. :yes I've seen guys(who don't have jobs) in relationships all the time.


There's a difference between not having a job and spending the whole day trying to find one, and not having a job and do nothing about it.

Unfortunately due to anxiety and other things i'm 90% in the second category.....


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Carbon Breather said:


> SilentWisdom said:
> 
> 
> > I think it's very possible. :yes I've seen guys(who don't have jobs) in relationships all the time.
> ...


I'm currently 100% in the second category. What a fabulous bum am I, haha.



> How do you make a relationship without a job. Most woman want material things


Yeah, true. I've heard it said on this forum that the almighty dollar is very important to women. I guess it's evolutionary - need wealth to sustain her offspring.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm of the opinion that you have to have a job to be in a relationship. Specifically, it has to be a good job. That's why I want to wait until I get a better job (higher pay, full-time) before I attempt to meet someone for my first date ever. My current job sucks. 

Don't expect to pull a George Costanza/Rule of opposites ploy and go up to some foxy woman and say "Hi, I'm unemployed and live with my parents" and get a smiling reaction. It just won't happen, ever.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

*Re: re: Is it possible to make a relationship without a job?*



IcedOver said:


> Don't expect to pull a George Costanza/Rule of opposites ploy and go up to some foxy woman and say "Hi, I'm unemployed and live with my parents" and get a smiling reaction. It just won't happen, ever.


Who knows? It might actually work...
The only thing about it is that I can't deliver that line in order to make it sound different that it really is. When I say it, it sounds pathetic and hopeless, when it should be something like "I'm proud of being in this situation and I'm very confident about myself." Of course, SA has a lot to do with the confidence part.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

im on disabilty, does that count?


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

Zephyr said:


> Yeah, true. I've heard it said on this forum that the almighty dollar is very important to women. I guess it's evolutionary - need wealth to sustain her offspring.


Actually, we need wealth so we can attract another male with more desirable traits - so that we have a better offspring. 

I'm personally not materialistic at all, but I still look down on unemployed men. I wouldn't mind dating someone without a job if he's at least trying to look for one, but if he's not even trying... then meh.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

pinkeye said:


> I'm personally not materialistic at all, but I still look down on unemployed men. I wouldn't mind dating someone without a job if he's at least trying to look for one, but if he's not even trying... then meh.


Out of curiosity, would you feel obligated to work while in a relationship even if your boyfriend/husband worked and could provide?


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

pinkeye said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah, true. I've heard it said on this forum that the almighty dollar is very important to women. I guess it's evolutionary - need wealth to sustain her offspring.
> ...


what happens if he was rich and unemployed?


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

> Out of curiosity, would you feel obligated to work while in a relationship even if your boyfriend/husband worked and could provide?


Yes.



> what happens if he was rich and unemployed?


Then he can find someone else.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

pinkeye said:


> There's no way around it - you need to get a job. Not only does having a job let you buy things for a girl, but it can also show her that you're a responsible man who can stand on his own two feet.


 :agree 
That's basically what it comes down to. Not so much the buying her things part (unless shes materialistic), but the responsibility part, most definitely. It shows he can handle himself in the real world and be independent. Guys who are unemployed, can't hold onto a job for long, or "Self-employed" (which is a nice way of saying "i'm unemployed, don't want to put the effort into finding a real job") are showing that they can't handle themselves in the real world.

Goes for girls as well, I wouldn't want a girl who would settle for something less than she deserves just cause she doesn't wanna put in the effort to go further. I like girls with goals, dreams, ambitions. I find that attractive. :yes



pinkeye said:


> Don't worry about possible problems with your future coworkers for now. You can't let your fears preventing you from doing what you want.


 :agree again. Having SA, at every job I've had, I've always felt out of place and awkward with my co-workers at first. But I never let that stop me because I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to do what I need to do to help myself reach my goals. Get money to pay for school, get job experience, etc. I don't care what my co-workers think of me, I'm not there for them, so if I don't fit in with their cliques they can suck my dick.

btw, After awhile I always become more comfortable with the work setting and I'm able to socialize with my co-workers pretty good. I have two jobs, one of them i've been at for 3 years now so I have no SA with my co-workers, we get along great. Plus i'm the boss so they all kiss my *** :lol :lol 
I've been at my other job 7 months now and I'm finally to the point where socializing with everyone there is fairly easy and because some of them are as goofy and playful as I am, it's also pretty fun. 

I'm actually at work right now, so I just got paid to type this!! Yippee!!


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm sure you could get a girlfriend without a job. I guess most women would view it as a weakness, unless you just have personality in _spades._ Personally, I couldn't give an *** if some guy I'm dating has a job. As long as I don't find him obnoxious, we'll get along.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Employment is no guarantee of finding a date or entering a relationship. I've held down a full time career for over 12 years and despite countless, honest attempts to meet women my rejection rate still remains at 100%.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I have a related question but I didn't want to start a new topic for it. Is it possible for a guy to get a girl if he doesn't drive? I don't drive and have never driven because I have a phobia about being in an accident. Could a girl respect a guy when she has to be the one driving anywhere they go and has to go pick him up? Or can she respect someone who takes a bus to a date? Of course gender roles aren't as defined as they once were but I'm sure that most women still like to have the guy be the one to pick them up. Am I right about this or completely wrong?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I think it's possible for a while. I mean, eventually, you'll want to have some income. The thing that sucks is that a lot of women have this double standard where they expect the man to wine and dine them without reciprocating. Women have made so many advances over the past 50 years but a disconcerting number still want to cling to the old notion of having the man take care of the financial side of dating.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

*Re: re: Is it possible to make a relationship without a job?*



IcedOver said:


> I have a related question but I didn't want to start a new topic for it. Is it possible for a guy to get a girl if he doesn't drive? I don't drive and have never driven because I have a phobia about being in an accident. Could a girl respect a guy when she has to be the one driving anywhere they go and has to go pick him up? Or can she respect someone who takes a bus to a date? Of course gender roles aren't as defined as they once were but I'm sure that most women still like to have the guy be the one to pick them up. Am I right about this or completely wrong?


A job, a car (or at least a bike), and having your own place seem to be the big three, although there's certainly exceptions.

Pretty much why I gave up years ago (not that I ever started) as there's no chance I'll ever drive or hold down a job that could afford that stuff.


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## lightness (Mar 17, 2005)

My girlfriend has been putting pressure on me to get a job. We've been going out almost a year and I've been jobless the last 2 months. I can already see the changes in the relationship (not as much intimacy, questions about what im doing, not going out etc)

I'm afraid if I don't find something soon she might have doubts and think about leaving me. I think women really do want money, or 'security' as they so eloquently wrap it, even if they don't admit it. I had a job for a week and she was telling all her girlfriends 'yay he's going to have money' etc but I quit as I coulden't stand the working conditions.

I guess I should be motivated as anything to find a job now, but the pressure just makes it harder really. When you don't have a job you start analysing other guys who you think are more succesful then you and how she would prefer to be with them, it really lowers your self esteem, even if it is just in your head.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

lightness said:


> I guess I should be motivated as anything to find a job now, but the pressure just makes it harder really. When you don't have a job you start analysing other guys who you think are more successful then you and how she would prefer to be with them, it really lowers your self esteem, even if it is just in your head.


I would tell her this. Maybe she can start motivating you instead of making you feel bad about yourself (even if it is only in your head).


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## lightness (Mar 17, 2005)

Yeah I'll drop a subtle hint about it hehe, thanks.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

well anythings possible, but i doubt it. i feel really embarrassed about not working/ not having a life so it would feel awkward dating someone. and besides i need some money so we can do stuff together, i wouldn't want him paying for me that's just weird. and i never go anywhere so it's not like i meet anyone. the only place i frequent is probably the grocery store and no males hangout there- unless you count the homeless guy outside- hey at least we have stuff in common- we're both unemployed! 

and hypothetically speaking if someone were to approach me, he'd eventually ask " so what do you do" to which i would reply "nothing" 
and then he'd be like " what to you mean by nothing" then i would explain- to which he would realize that by nothing I actually mean nothing.

If by some miracle I'm looking hot that day ( oh wait somethings are impossible) maybe he'll stick around and ask some more questions like " so how come you don't do anything?" by this point I would rather lie and tell him i'm on house arrest and / or that i have been incarcerated for the last 5 years than tell him the truth - because i'm like anxious/ sacred and stuff. 

if at this point he's still around ( and I've told him that the reason for my incarceration was that I shot and killed someone) 

he's either
a. desperate 
b. crazier than me 
or 
c. both a &b 

so, in conclusion, 
no job= no relationship looks like the correct equation - unless you want to date the homeless.
edited to add: no offense to the homeless, if it weren't for my parents i too would be homeless


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

dating a homeless doesn't sound so bad. You can hang downtown all the time and have expired food picnic at the parc with a nice campfire roaring in a barrel.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)




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## KlonopinG (Jun 30, 2008)

I never had a job myself and I probably wouldn't want to date anyone who works myself. I am on disability for SA and other conditions, I would much rather date someone who doesn't work or is on disability. 

I don't think all women are like that, and if they are they can all go to hell in my book. 

I refuse to settle with just anyone.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

It's possible, I've dated lots of guys without jobs. In fact do guys even work anymore? :con Because I sure haven't met many that do.
Just don't ask the girl out on a date and expect her to pay for it or anything like that...I wanted to punch guys in the face when they done that. If you have no money for a restaurant or theater or anything like that, just stay home and watch a movie on dvd or watch tv or something.
I also don't understand why most men think all women want material things. I just don't want to be expected to pay for a guy's food all the time or go pick him up when he doesn't even give me any gas money, but I've never asked for material things from anyone. In fact I'm sure I've spent more money on all the losers I dated than they ever even thought of spending on me...bunch of cheap bastards. :b


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

whatever makes you happy bro


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## not_so_cloudy (Jun 29, 2008)

I don't know If that's possible. A person can have an Income and not have a job. But If a person doesn't have a job, no Income coming In, how Is that person surviving? were are they living? I couldn't date a guy who stands on the corner begging for food and sleeping on a park bench. That's not a attractive quality In a male.


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

as an independent woman (holla), i would never date someone without a job. i've done it before and ended up financially supporting my ex, which is a huge strain on the relationship. never, ever again. 

IMO there's no excuse for men not to work (aside from a medical issue, or sometimes SA - but even then there are plenty of jobs that you can work at from home). i've had to struggle my entire life as a woman to get where i am, and it's much easier for men to get a job (labour especially), so being unemployed is not an endearing trait as it signals laziness to grasp opportunity.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I actually can understand why people with SA can't work or couldn't keep a job but with most guys nowadays it's just out of pure laziness. My husband barely worked(when he did have a job he took off work ALOT & almost got in trouble for that) and he didn't have SA at all, he claimed he was sick but I'm almost 100% sure it was just laziness. I also dated alot of other guys like that...most were too lazy to even bother to get a car or their drivers license, they'd rather the girl go pick them up and do everything for them like they're little helpless babies.
The guy I did date that had SA was one of the few guys WITH an actual job(also one of the bigger *** holes that I've dated--so just cause somebody has SA, doesn't make 'em a nice person)! haha...all he done was sit in an office all night & didn't do much though...he used to call me from work alot so I guess that shows how busy he was but at least he made money. I found out a year or so ago though that he finally got fired or laid off, but had worked there quite awhile.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

"no money no honey"

wow this is an old thread


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Most of my male friends have had girlfriends. They may have had jobs when they met their girlfriend, but they didn't have much money. Actually, I barely know any guy with a girlfriend that has much money. My one significant male friend that I have now doesn't really work much, or at all, and has no money at all. He doesn't even have enough money to drive, or even cigarettes, but he has a girlfriend. From my experience, social skills and confidence will get you a lot further. I am a nervous wreck and I just suck in social situations. This is why I don't have a girlfriend, plain and simple. It has very little to do with money or a job with me. The only place having a job would help for me is meeting people.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

If you have money then you can do alot of fun things. This is why I am in Uni. One day I want to have the things below. 
a) go kayaking 
b) drive to that provincial park an hour outside of town 
c) go on vacations 
I think that it is important that both people work and that the relationship be 50/50. Couples pay for there dates things once in awhile, but that it's not always expected. The old I forgot my wallet trick get's old really fast.


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

I would like to have a job. I feel that it would be an important part of overcoming my weaknesses, that it would allow me to live a fuller life than i currently have, and i certainly don't see keeping the status quo as acceptable for the long-term.

But, yeah, i don't currently work. I... I don't know, i just don't really know how to go about any of that. The process of finding work is very troubling for me.

You know, but even without work, it's not like i'm completely without income. I mean, and in a relationship, i would never be comfortable with asking my partner for cash.

So i manage to get by as it is, i'm relatively smart with my money, and i keep my expenses tight enough that i can afford to enjoy my hobbies.

How would you girls look on a person in my situation?


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