# Please decode this conversation



## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Well, first of all, I brought my friend that I'm crushing on out to see Superbad last night, and we had a ****ing brilliant time. It was my first "date" (it wasn't called that, but of course she knew.) It went really smooth and everything was great. We talked and laughed nonstop. Then we had some Japanese food, and at about 11 she dropped me off another place so I could meet up with some other friends (it was on the way to her house anyways).

So anyways, I was talking to her tonight on the phone and...

(This is the rough idea of how it went...)

*Me: I don't really like chasing girls, I always end up getting hurt.

Her: You'll never get a girl if you act that way, if you want something you should get it. I like a persistent guy who chases me.

Me: Any girl I've ever liked never likes me back.

Her: How do you know, you never tell them...*

Blah blah... does she like me or do I think too much...?


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

You should have asked her, cause no one here knows for certain is she does or not :hug


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Hooooooooooney!!!!!!!!!!! She appears to be quite into YOU! But please please please keep this rule of thumb in mind: Never unload about your problems with women to the woman you like!!!!!!! Never ever ever. Not in the beginning. It's a major turn off. The subconscious message you just sent her was this: I'm not going to chase you (which also comes across as: I don't think you're good enough for a chase). And it sounds to me like she is. 

And even if it doesn't work out, I promise you--you can completely strike out and still live!


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

It sounds like maybe she wants you to show more interest in her.


But I wouldn't chase her. That's just immature.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

I think she wants you too. She just wants you being the one to show/say it.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

sean88 said:


> I like a persistent guy who chases me.


she likes you and chase is what you need to do if you want her


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

Was there something in her tone? Because it seems to me like she was just giving you good, friendly advice. 

Just tell you have feelings for her. Do it!


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Thanks for the replies guys... =D


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

She is telling you that as a friend and saying thats what she likes in a guy. She is not telling you to "chase her" so disregard what everybody said in here. They are just trying to make you feel better.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

sean88 said:


> Well, first of all, I brought my friend that I'm crushing on out to see Superbad last night, and we had a @#%$ brilliant time. It was my first "date" (it wasn't called that, but of course she knew.) It went really smooth and everything was great. We talked and laughed nonstop. Then we had some Japanese food, and at about 11 she dropped me off another place so I could meet up with some other friends (it was on the way to her house anyways).
> 
> So anyways, I was talking to her tonight on the phone and...
> 
> ...


From that you can't tell. Nowhere is she saying she likes you. By the way don't ever tell a girl that you don't like chasing them because you always get hurt. It comes off as soft and non-masculine. It also shows a sign of pessimism; not something women look for. They want a positive guy that is confident.

You've set yourself up to get stuck in the friends zone.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



SilentProphet said:


> She is telling you that as a friend and saying thats what she likes in a guy. She is not telling you to "chase her" so disregard what everybody said in here. *They are just trying to make you feel better*.


No, we are not.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Lisa1975 is right on. If she wants to be chased, then chase. Maybe she meant "romanced", courted, made to feel wanted. Then that is doable in my book. But actually chasing w/o her slowing down to get "caught", nuh uh.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



SilentProphet said:


> She is telling you that as a friend and saying thats what she likes in a guy. She is not telling you to "chase her" so disregard what everybody said in here. They are just trying to make you feel better.


I don't really care. I've made my decision and I'm going to tell her. I can't stand by and act like everything's OK anymore. It's killing me.

I'm done playing the deer in headlights for women... yeah I may lose a friend over this, but I've got plenty already...

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Man don't do it! From you asking her that she should know you like her! Unless she don't feel the same way! You saying something to her could jeopardize the whole friendship.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Thanks for everyone's responses, negative and positive. I just wanna do it more now... I'm done with being afraid.

I'll keep you guys updated.


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

Good luck sweetie. =)


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I've called her multiple times since 8, and she's not picking up. My chest hurts, and I'm losing my nerve. 

This is gonna be a long night... =X


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

That sucks. Well when you get in touch, tell her how you feel if you're sincere about it. I wish you luck as well. 

...and no more whining about your insecurities like you did in the conversation you posted. That's a turn-off. Be confident even if you don't believe it at first.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Well I told her, and she was pretty surprised... she says that I'm just "a friend". But whatever, I don't regret it. I have plenty of friends already, I made a decision and stuck with it. That's life.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Man I wish women could see that I have a PEEHOLE and not as a ****ing handkerchief. Life sucks nuts. =P


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Should have listened to Silent. 

J/K, at least you made an effort dude. More than I do the majority of the time.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



sean88 said:


> Well I told her, and she was pretty surprised... she says that I'm just "a friend". But whatever, I don't regret it. I have plenty of friends already, I made a decision and stuck with it. That's life.


I'm proud of you for doing that. You took a chance.
When she ends up with some scumbag loser, she'll look back and wish she was with you.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



Strange Religion said:


> sean88 said:
> 
> 
> > Well I told her, and she was pretty surprised... she says that I'm just "a friend". But whatever, I don't regret it. I have plenty of friends already, I made a decision and stuck with it. That's life.
> ...


Heh. That brought a smile to my face. <3 Strange


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Oh and believe me, she'll come crying to you when she's not treated right. Boo hoo!


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

I'm a lot like you in that things drive me crazy when I don't just say it. I think you did the right thing, because otherwise you'd always be saying "what if". Don't regret it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and there's one out there that's perfect for you. =)


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## Gabriellabos (Jun 26, 2007)

Hey, you did right in asking her anyways. because if you didn't ask her you'de be beating yourself up over that, at least this way you know! GOOD JOB! So brave!


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Sorry it didn't work out but congrats on trying. That's what it's all about. It's happened to me a few times too. But you learn from the experiences. That's why I think it's good you did what you did, despite the caution you received. You decided that the possibilities of being romantically involved w/this girl were more important that being friends w/this girl. When regret sets in, remember this. 

I look back on similar experiences now and see them as necessary stepping stones to bigger and better things.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Thanks everyone... I love you all. <3


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



sean88 said:


> Well I told her, and she was pretty surprised... she says that I'm just "a friend". But whatever, I don't regret it. I have plenty of friends already, I made a decision and stuck with it. That's life.


 :hug I'm sorry it turned out like that  :hug


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I am sorry to hear too, Sean. :hug


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

Good on you for trying though!


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



sean88 said:


> Man I wish women could see that I have a PEEHOLE and not as a @#%$ handkerchief. Life sucks nuts. =P


Sorry to hear man. Learn from it. Women are different than us in this regard. It's hard for them to get romantically involved with a friend. In the future refer to my previous post. Avoid the friends zone. Always go for the romance if you have interest first. If it doesn't work out then you can be put in the friends zone. Some guys aren't capable of this though and can't just be friends.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Please decode this conversation*



scairy said:


> sean88 said:
> 
> 
> > Man I wish women could see that I have a PEEHOLE and not as a @#%$ handkerchief. Life sucks nuts. =P
> ...


Yeah, what I did learn from this experience is that A) a penis and a vagina can't be friends, and B) I need to stop being a spineless **** about these things and just go in there from the get go and let my feelings be known.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

So now I'm kinda confused. I'm gonna wait until Saturday to see if she contacts me. If she doesn't, should I call her?


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Anyone? lol

It's kinda weird cause we're taking a class together staring Monday. I'm still going, but I don't know what her plans are.


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Damn brother! I knew this would be tough. Maybe she feels 'weird" now that you said that. It's probably still fresh on her mind. I didn't read most of the past posts since telling you not to do it, but have you been acting like it never happened? are you still calling her like the convo never happened? and is she just ignoreing you now? Give her some more days. It's probably hard for her to think about hanging out with you now that she knows you tried going past " friends" mode.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

SilentProphet said:


> Damn brother! I knew this would be tough. Maybe she feels 'weird" now that you said that. It's probably still fresh on her mind. I didn't read most of the past posts since telling you not to do it, but have you been acting like it never happened? are you still calling her like the convo never happened? and is she just ignoreing you now? Give her some more days. It's probably hard for her to think about hanging out with you now that she knows you tried going past " friends" mode.


Naw, we haven't spoken since I told her. I'm gonna wait until this weekend and if she doesn't contact me, I'm just gonna call her up probably and ask her about the class, or whatever. I haven't tried to speak with her.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Yeah call her...It'll cut through your anxiety...and probably hers as well so the class encounter will be less awkward.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

She contacted me... yay! OK, so this is basically what's going on... we're on a "see what happens basis." There's hope.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

WAIT I'M CONFUSED! How do I act around her? She knows I'm interested... so what, do I blatantly show it now, like sit close to her and flirt? Or just keep being "the friend" and hope she likes me?


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

sean88 said:


> WAIT I'M CONFUSED! How do I act around her? She knows I'm interested... so what, do I blatantly show it now, like sit close to her and flirt? Or just keep being "the friend" and hope she likes me?


I wonder about that myself. :stu


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

I would play it cool.


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

I agree.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

What's "playing it cool"? lol


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

Just act like you did before she found out.

Any woman who is honest with herself knows that any one of her male friends would **** her given the opportunity. This isn't the same as wanting to pursue a relationship, true, but unless you made some extremely revealing confession I'd not worry too much about it.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

She told me she can't really picture being intimate with me because we've been friends for so long. And she also said sex was a big part of her last relationship, and oh ****... I'M A VIRGIN! So I kinda think she looks down on me cause I always act like a kid and fart and do stupid **** when I'm around her. We're still on a "see what happens" basis, but I gotta step my game up.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

sean88 said:


> She told me she can't really picture being intimate with me because we've been friends for so long. And she also said sex was a big part of her last relationship, and oh @#%$... I'M A VIRGIN! So I kinda think she looks down on me cause I always act like a kid and fart and do stupid @#%$ when I'm around her. We're still on a "see what happens" basis, but I gotta step my game up.


Hmm from what I've read this "lets see what happens" sounds more like a gentle let down so as to not lose you as a friend. I dunno, you can try going for more, but in this case I really think you're supposed to read between the lines.

That said, if you really do want to go for it you need to be flirty. Tease her, bust on her, and treat her like your bratty little sister. One thing to keep in mind is with women attraction comes through a combo of your behaviors and personality traits, not your looks. As guys this is where our source of attraction comes from and we often assume its much the same for women. You won't generate attraction with women by how you physically look, but instead how you present yourself. This makes a lot of sense if you believe in evolution - certain traits and behaviors were, and still are, tied to dominant and successful men. In regards to looks as a source of attraction for men, well that is mostly based on evolution too. A lot of it has to do with body symmetry being related to proper nutrition and healthy immune systems.


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## Volume (Apr 8, 2007)

> It was my first "date" (it wasn't called that, *but of course she knew*.)


Out of curiosity, what gave you that impression?


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

opivy22 said:


> sean88 said:
> 
> 
> > She told me she can't really picture being intimate with me because we've been friends for so long. And she also said sex was a big part of her last relationship, and oh @#%$... I'M A VIRGIN! So I kinda think she looks down on me cause I always act like a kid and fart and do stupid @#%$ when I'm around her. We're still on a "see what happens" basis, but I gotta step my game up.
> ...


I do all of that already, which is why I'm so confused. I'm always teasing her.

@ Volume -- Guy and girl go out for movie and a dinner... come on man! =P


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

sean88 said:


> WAIT I'M CONFUSED! How do I act around her? She knows I'm interested... so what, do I blatantly show it now, like sit close to her and flirt? Or just keep being "the friend" and hope she likes me?


It depends. Act how you would treat a girl you like. If it is the same way then don't change because faking it will just be temporary.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Man, I don't see how she can have no feelings for me after being friends for 2 years. Sucks.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

sean88 said:


> Man, I don't see how she can have no feelings for me after being friends for 2 years. Sucks.


Well, I'm not her, but I can tell you in general women often say they've decided if they would ever sleep with a guy within 30 seconds of first meeting him. If you weren't there from the start chances are pretty low that you'll ever be there without disappearing for a while and returning as a new guy. Having said that, no one woman is worth that much trouble. In the end, you're usually better off meeting new women and working on making them want to be with you from the start. An added bonus might be her seeing that other women want you which may raise your value in her eyes. But I don't advocate doing all of this work just to win her over! Do it for yourself and the rest may follow.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

opivy22 said:


> sean88 said:
> 
> 
> > Man, I don't see how she can have no feelings for me after being friends for 2 years. Sucks.
> ...


Wow, that sucks... lol

I guess I'm fudged! =*(


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Damn, opivy gave the perfect answer...couldn't agree with that more. 

As they say, there are more fish in the sea...Don't put all your eggs in one basket and all those other cliches. lol


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Vincenzo said:


> Just act like you did before she found out.
> 
> *Any woman who is honest with herself knows that any one of her male friends would @#%$ her given the opportunity.* This isn't the same as wanting to pursue a relationship, true, but unless you made some extremely revealing confession I'd not worry too much about it.


If any girl doesn't realize that, she's incredibly naive. You're right, it may not be the same as wanting a relationship, but they definitely would go for it if she's willing.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I appreciate everyone's input, but honestly I just realized that when you think too hard and run all these different situations through your mind, you get **** twisted real easy. I just called her and we spoke more, and things are looking way up.

I'll keep you all posted.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

sean88 said:


> I appreciate everyone's input, but honestly I just realized that when you think too hard and run all these different situations through your mind, you get **** twisted real easy. I just called her and we spoke more, and things are looking way up.
> 
> I'll keep you all posted.


Very true. I have a huge problem with over thinking things myself, and ya know what? Living in the moment instead of thinking and then acting is one of the best things you can do with women. Good luck!


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I've got an ACTUAL (said) date tomorrow. Go me mutha ****as!! Chyea. Sometimes I impress myself.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

What???!!!

You're good. :yes


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## omgnoudidnt (Jan 8, 2005)

AWESOME. Good luck!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

The march of Sean88 continues unabated - an unstoppable force of LURRVE power!

Just read the whole thread through dude, its a great story. I must admit I thought it sounded like she liked you when she said about liking guys chase her - but that would have depended on the tone she used when she said it. Also how you feel when you are around each other - if there are moments when there is that little connection, or you touch or whatever. 

Anyways, just keep an open mind for your date. Remember she now knows you like her in that way. Let your feelings leak out, dont keep em bottled up. When you smile at her she can see how you feel. From the way you look at her she knows that you are attracted to her. Dont worry about what you should and shouldnt do and just try to let your feelings guide you. I know that sounds like Yoda talking to Luke, but thats the best way of doing things. Relationships are about emotions and thats how you connect. Its not a mechanical "do this, this and this and she's yours" process - at some point you need to be in touch with your feelings. Its your feelings that she wants to know, and also feel herself. Words arent always the best way to show feelings, and sometimes they downright get in the way. Emotions are your friends dude - I think you know this as you seem like a guy who operates from the heart. Thats what is likeable about you! 

Good luck man

Ross


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