# Manager called me a snob



## MidnightTulip (Jul 21, 2015)

I go into work today, on my day off to cover for employee, only get 4 hours of sleep and only eat crackers for lunch, so I was tired and drained. On top of that, today was Ice Cream Social at work today and I was feeling sad about being too scared to go to that. So I decide to leave early, everything was becoming too much at that moment. On my way to clock out, my manager was talking to HR and he saw me and said " and speaking of snobs, have a good day" to me while laughing.

I awkwardly laugh and smile, but on the inside I really just want to cry. Another employee was in the room and laughs too and says you are so quiet, you must talk a lot at home. It made me so sad, this was my favorite manager, the guy who hired me and who I work with in the office. 

Part of me knows that he was just teasing. But then another part, the anxiety controlled part thinks that he must think I am a snob because why else would he say it. What does that even mean? A snob? I don't think I am better than anyone, the opposite actually because I feel so weird with my anxiety and wish I was more like everyone else. I am not rich, so I don't flaunt anything money wise. I always offer to do extra work to help out others, I mean I just offered to work 9 days straight so he wouldn't have to cover for another employee. How am I a snob because I don't talk that much? My job makes me be in a locked office 8 hours a day, it is not like I could talk to anyone even if I could. 

Has anyone told their boss that they have social anxiety? Maybe it would make them better understand. But I am nervous because I want to apply for a better position at the end of the year and don't want them to think I can't do my job because of this.


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## SelfCompulsoryIsolation (Dec 30, 2013)

People think introverted individuals are "snobs" because they assume you think you're too good to talk to/spend time with them even though your avoidance stems from anxiety. I had a lot of difficulty making friends in high school for that reason; everyone assumes they'd just be a waste of your time. It's kind of funny sometimes, honestly, because they can get so nervous talking to you it's as if you've switched roles with them.


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## Kenneth Ash (Jul 19, 2015)

To be honest, I feel as though he was just messing around like us guys do. You working hard, and stepping up to the plate doesn't make you a snob, but a trustworthy & reliable employee. 

I'm sorry he hurt your feelings, and yes, I would tell your manager about your SA. I've never told my manager, but I sort of gave a hint by telling an episode that I had before meeting my coworkers for the first time. However, I don't think they caught on.


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## MidnightTulip (Jul 21, 2015)

Thank you for replying. I do know that he was teasing, but I think it is more of the fact that this is not the first time someone has told me this. Another person at work called me that too, even in a joking manner and there has been people outside of work, family and school. It is almost an everything when they joke about how quiet I am. I know they are just trying to get me out of my shell, but it sorta makes me shut down more, when they point out how quiet I am. I think I will tell my manager about my SA, but tell him I don't want them to treat me differently. This way they still talk to me, but don't point out how quiet I am all the time. I told one employee, the first one to call me a snob, why I am the way I am and he became a friend after that.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Ask him directly , do you really think I'm a snob .


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## Kenneth Ash (Jul 19, 2015)

Well keep us updated then, tell us how it all goes down. I wish you the best!


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## Aeiou (Feb 11, 2015)

MidnightTulip said:


> I go into work today, *on my day off to cover for employee*, only get 4 hours of sleep and only eat crackers for lunch, so I was tired and drained. On top of that, today was Ice Cream Social at work today and I was feeling sad about being too scared to go to that. So I decide to leave early, everything was becoming too much at that moment. On my way to clock out, my manager was talking to HR and he saw me and said " and speaking of snobs, have a good day" to me while laughing.
> 
> I awkwardly laugh and smile, but on the inside I really just want to cry. Another employee was in the room and laughs too and says you are so quiet, you must talk a lot at home. It made me so sad, this was my favorite manager, the guy who hired me and who I work with in the office.
> 
> ...


You are a very kind person, not a snob.
That one of your boss has been a very bad line. Superficial people do not understand how sensitive we are and how they can hurt with their rude way of addressing us. Do not mind them and focus on your job, which I bet you're doing good.

Btw: I wouldn't tell them I have social anxiety... I am not even sure I could answer back after some rough comments about my personality, but in case I'd just say "Hey, I don't talk much because I am shy, not snob"... Something like that. Hopefully, it could be useful and they'd stop the teasing and at the same time you are not telling them... too much.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Without wanting to sound like a child, if I get called a name, I will probably laugh it off to the person who's just called me it. However, it does eat away inside of me and I can literally dwell on such occasions for weeks, if not months at a time. Something which may have been said in jest by someone else really can send my mind into overdrive.

In your situation, it does seem odd to be called a snob if you've gone in on your day off and offered to work nine days straight. That makes no sense at all. If it's purely because you couldn't face the Ice Cream Social then I'm sorry, he needs to understand not everyone enjoys the same things as other people. The intention may be for a positive experience, but unfortunately so many people completely misunderstand that not everyone wants to mix with people or get too much involved in other activities that others enjoy. I''m sure they probably don't like some of the things you do, but I bet you wouldn't call them 'snobs' for not doing them… This is why I feel SA is still very much a misunderstood illness. 

I've been called a 'snob' a few times at work – by the same person too. They're for petty things such as not wanting to visit a certain city I don't like, not wanting to join in when they order food in for lunch (most times they order in things I don't like…) and even for the type of car I drive. Why does any of this make me a snob?! I've told them where I like visiting and that I have quite bland tastes in food. I've even given them reasons why I have the car I have and I'm looked at like I've just dropped out of a dog's rear end on all counts… I don't insult them for this or accuse them of being 'snobbish', so why should I face this treatment? Unfortunately, people like us with anxiety issues tend to be singled out for criticism. Unknowing to them, they're only making us progressively worse… 

The reasons for their choices are taken as gospel truth – your reasons are there to be picked apart… Sadly, that's the way it goes for people like us and they genuinely wonder why we're quiet and don't really want to mix more than necessary with them.


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