# Pregnant.... Again...



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Hi guys n gals.. I need advice.

Last year I went through a traumatic experience... After little mess up in birth control I got pregnant and had an abortion last July. It was traumatic emotionally and with telling people in my life.

Anyway since then I have been taking my birth control pills religiously. I only missed a day in the past few months because I was camping, but I followed the instructions and took two pills the next day. Well my period was meant to come, and didn't. I got a little paranoid since the pill is supposed to regulate periods there should be no reason I'd miss it. I got anxious and bought a home pregnancy test. It was positive.

I'm freaking out inside. I'm only just about 24 and don't feel like I'm responsible enough or ready enough to have a child. Also, I've been drinking, smoking, and smoking pot a lot since I wasn't aware I was pregnant. 

So... I kind of want to have an abortion. But it makes me sick to think about. That's the kind of thing you should only ever have once and then you should learn your lesson. Ugh! Who would accompany me? I can't tell my close friends... They came to my side last time and this just isn't the sort of thing that can happen again, I would be scared f being judged and rightfully so. I can't tell my parents, they would be disappointed in me for not being more careful. Also my mom ha several miscarriages before having me so it's like a slap in the face. I could tell my boyfriend but it was so scary to tell him last time, I just feel like he wouldn't trust me... Like he would feel horrible about himself and then be paranoid every time we have sex.

So... I could keep the baby. It feels like if there is a god he wants me to have a child for some reason. I love kids... But I'm just really sure we aren't ready. My boyfriend and I are engaged to marry sometime in the next 2 years no date yet. We don't even think we're ready for a dog because we have such busy social lives. I think it'd kill him to have to stay at home and mind the baby. Our lives would change too fast too soon. And again, my parents would be disappointed. My dad wants me to focus on my career- a nurse isn't good enough I should continue school to be a nurse practitioner it would be like giving up. I can't even fathom telling my parents im pregnant. They would fake being happy but really be in disbelief and disgust. 

Or I could have the baby and give it up for adoption... Which is morally the best route. My bf would be more happy than keepin a baby... I'd still have to tell my parents though. The kicker here though is all my friends and coworkers at the hospital would view me as weak and cold. The girls that give up babies are 15 year olds, welfare people or drug addicts not young successful soon to be married homeowners. I would face a lot of negativity.

So that's my train of thought whirling around my head... If I could jut have some insight or advice and opinions that would be great! Thanks


----------



## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

Well first of all this is an extremely personal and emotional decision, I don't think a bunch of total strangers on the internet are the right people to ask when you have such a major moral decision to make.

Second I think you are going to get a lot of answers and a lot of opinions and I think many (if not most) will be based on peoples own morals about such a hot button topic like abortion. I don't think you should base your personal decision on people's opinion about the moral, ethical, political, social, and religious aspects of abortion. 

HAVING SAID all that... my "advice" is based on what little I know about YOU from the story you have just told.

I am not saying I am in favor of abortion or against it, and if you want to have this baby and give it up for adoption or have it and keep it, do that. 

But based on this story it sounds more like you want to have the abortion but you are worried about what other people will think if you do... given how big a deal giving birth alone is, I am not sure doing it just because that's what people expect of you is a good idea.

If you bring a child into this world, even if you don't raise it, that's a lot. And if you don't that has its issues too. I respect that you had an abortion already and you don't feel right having another one. 

But I don't think anyone is served by you doing anything you are not comfortable with, and you do not sound comfortable with having the baby. 

Ignore my advice if I am wrong, but do not get an abortion, raise a child or give it up for adoption unless you are 100% comfortable with the decision.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yea the person above sounds right. It seems like you do want an abortion but too scared to tell anyone. And there is nothing wrong with having more then one abortions. Accidents happen. If the pills aren't working you could try another one or a different contraception. If you do decide to get an abortion I hope your boyfriend would be supportive about it and I mean if you want to go by yourself and not tell anyone you can do that but I'm thinking you have to tell your boyfriend sometime.

Think about it and do whatever is comfortable. But if you're not completely ready to bring a kid in world having the kid won't be really good.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Best advice I can give you is to talk to your boyfriend about it as soon as possible. It's not going to be a comfortable conversation but you have to have it, I think he should have some say in this decision.

I'm not going to say anything else, because I don't want to ignite the obvious flame war.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would go to a doctor first.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm not against abortion, but having multiple abortions in a short time-frame doesn't sit right with me. I feel like it's okay to say that, because it doesn't sit right with you either.

If you really want to "learn a lesson", have the baby and give it up for adoption(easy for me to say). And then use birth control AND condoms.


----------



## Tentative (Dec 27, 2011)

Difficult situation. Talk to your boyfriend about it. Find out how he feels and let him be a part of it. You care about him, so he deserves/needs to know as well, since he was part of the conception. What would be the right decision to make? Honestly, I think only you can answer that. And most people wouldn't want to play a role in the making of such a hard decision.

Adoption doesn't seem optional to me; would you really be able to give your child away to someone else and not wonder what would come of it? From what I understand, you do want kids later. I'd think you would wonder and obsess over what happened to that one baby you gave away, but maybe I'm wrong.

Are your social life and career important enough? How much more time will it take for you to reach and be satisfied with your academic and occupational goals? If you're not ready now, when do you think you'll be ready? How did you decide on having the abortion the first time around? Just some questions you could ask yourself. 

Whether you have the baby or not, maybe you should look into getting an IUD or other means of birth control after you make your choice.


----------



## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Personally, I have no moral qualms about abortion, and you seem to want one, but are afraid of being judged.

Since you mentioned having the baby and giving it up: be careful planning this. Hormones will kick in and you may feel like keeping the baby. My mom had intended to give me up for adoption but had bonded to me so she felt she couldn't, at the last minute. She ended up not being such a good mom, but she has personal problems that get in the way. I'm happy for my life since I have it.

And personally, I disagree with feeling guilt about getting another abortion. As far as I'm concerned, the sky's the limit. Some women feel they're only allotted one per lifetime. This is funny to me. Anyway, you may be seen as irresponsible by those around you, but you did take birth control, and accidents happen. That's the whole point of abortion.

I would talk to your boyfriend about it immediately. Strangers on the internet won't be able to help much with such a highly personal moral decision.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the cheat said:


> I'm not against abortion, but having multiple abortions in a short time-frame doesn't sit right with me. I feel like it's okay to say that, because it doesn't sit right with you either.
> 
> If you really want to "learn a lesson", have the baby and give it up for adoption(easy for me to say). And then use birth control AND condoms.


Having the baby and giving it up for adoption is not as easy as it sounds. Going through a pregnancy where it messes with your hormones and in the first place from what it sounds like she doesn't want that. Not a good situation when you don't want to do that in first place.

And **** happens so I see nothing wrong has getting more the one abortion. Just after this time maybe change the meds or use more protection.

Oh! and yeah maybe you should go to a doc to get a blood test to make sure. Cause sometimes false positives happen.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

meganmila said:


> Having the baby and giving it up for adoption is not as easy as it sounds. Going through a pregnancy where it messes with your hormones and in the first place from what it sounds like she doesn't want that. Not a good situation when you don't want to do that in first place.
> 
> And **** happens so I see nothing wrong has getting more the one abortion. Just after this time maybe change the meds or use more protection.


My suggestion wasn't meant to be easy though, hence the "if you really want to 'learn a lesson'..."

Abortion isn't meant to be birth-control, it's a surgery that ends a potential life and shouldn't be abused...having two abortions in such a short time frame is bordering on abuse.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the cheat said:


> My suggestion wasn't meant to be easy though, hence the "if you really want to 'learn a lesson'..."
> 
> Abortion isn't meant to be birth-control, it's a surgery that ends a potential life and shouldn't be abused...having two abortions in such a short time frame is bordering on abuse.


Yeah but from what she is saying she is not using it has a "birth control" Sounds like she did the best she could to use protection and didn't work. So pretty much I just disagree. For me it's her body she can do whatever she feels comfortable with.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

meganmila said:


> Yeah but from what she is saying she is not using it has a "birth control" Sounds like she did the best she could to use protection and didn't work. So pretty much I just disagree. For me it's her body she can do whatever she feels comfortable with.


Yeah, she's not using it as a form of birth-control...yet. But it's bordering on that. And from what I read, her and her boyfriend didn't do the best they could to use protection...all she did was try and remember to take her pills every day, and she even forgot to one of those days. What about condoms? What about him pulling out? What about not having sex? If you're not ready to be a parent, don't let your boyfriend "finish" inside of you, unprotected...


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the cheat said:


> Yeah, she's not using it as a form of birth-control...yet. But it's bordering on that. And from what I read, her and her boyfriend didn't do the best they could to use protection...all she did was try and remember to take her pills every day, and she even forgot to one of those days. What about condoms? What about him pulling out? What about not having sex? If you're not ready to be a parent, don't let your boyfriend "finish" inside of you, unprotected...


Yea sometimes women forget their pill and she did take two more pills which that what is says to do but usually depends on the pill if you miss one day of a pill it doesn't lower effectiveness. And she also could be in a mono relationship and maybe they got tested that's why maybe they didn't use condoms. I have heard of couples that rely on their birth control and don't use condoms let their b/fs finish inside and they don't get pregnant it's a risk yea but it happens.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

meganmila said:


> Yea sometimes women forget their pill and she did take two more pills which that what is says to do but usually depends on the pill if you miss one day of a pill it doesn't lower effectiveness. And she also could be in a mono relationship and maybe they got tested that's why maybe they didn't use condoms. I have heard of couples that rely on their birth control and don't use condoms let their b/fs finish inside and they don't get pregnant it's a risk yea but it happens.


Okay but...pills aren't 100% effective. So if you know you're 100% not ready to be a parent, it's irresponsible to rely on only one form of birth control when it's not even 100% to prevent pregnancy, _especially_ if you've just had an abortion. Condoms are for protection of STD's and for birth control...the combination of condoms and pills together is very effective.

But, obviously she's already pregnant, so what she should have done is pointless to talk about. She has to do what's best for her life, regardless of what other people think about her decision. I'm really not trying to judge here...


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

You wouldn't be the first or last person to have more than one abortion. It happens - having one abortion doesn't make birth control fool-proof or your body smarter. You shouldn't decide to have a kid out of some sense of guilt, idea of what is "moral" or fear of what people will say. You said you feel it isn't the right time - I just say trust your gut. Whatever it says.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the cheat said:


> Okay but...pills aren't 100% effective. So if you know you're 100% not ready to be a parent, it's irresponsible to rely on only one form of birth control when it's not even 100% to prevent pregnancy, _especially_ if you've just had an abortion. Condoms are for protection of STD's and for birth control...the combination of condoms and pills together is very effective.
> 
> But, obviously she's already pregnant, so what she should have done is pointless to talk about. She has to do what's best for her life, regardless of what other people think about her decision. I'm really not trying to judge here...


Some women don't like using condoms and are comfortable about relying on a birth control. It sounds like you wouldn't be and that's fine. If you take the pill correctly it's almost 100% effective. The only thing that is effective is not having sex. Even condoms get screwy sometimes. People should be able to enjoy sex and yes use a lot of protection..But you do have to think about something wrong happening. She knows she made a messy I don't want to make her feel any worse.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

meganmila said:


> Some women don't like using condoms and are comfortable about relying on a birth control. It sounds like you wouldn't be and that's fine. If you take the pill correctly it's almost 100% effective. The only that is effective is not having sex. Even condoms get screwy sometimes. People should be able to enjoy sex and yes use a lot of protection..But you do have to think about something wrong happening. She knows she made a messy I don't want to make her feel any worse.


...sorry but "not liking condoms" is the worst reason I've ever heard when it comes to this topic. If you're comfortable relying on something that is less than 100% effective, that's fine...but that's when things like this happen. 
What do you think the OP would hate more, using condoms AND the pill, or using the pill and covering up for "accidents" with abortions?

And yeah, condoms are less than 100% too, just like the pill...but the two of them together is as close to 100% as you can get without abstaining from sex altogether. Even making the guy pull out before finishing is better than what they did.

I agree, I'm not trying to make her feel worse...although I think that's impossible at this point, as she's probably at rock bottom anyway.


----------



## agentcooper (Aug 15, 2012)

the cheat said:


> ...sorry but "not liking condoms" is the worst reason I've ever heard when it comes to this topic. If you're comfortable relying on something that is less than 100% effective, that's fine...but that's when things like this happen.
> What do you think the OP would hate more, using condoms AND the pill, or using the pill and covering up for "accidents" with abortions?
> 
> And yeah, condoms are less than 100% too, just like the pill...but the two of them together is as close to 100% as you can get without abstaining from sex altogether. Even making the guy pull out before finishing is better than what they did.
> ...


I just want to point out for those judging technique that the pull out method is actually one of the safer forms of protection against becoming pregnant. It only fails when the man doesn't pull out early enough.

http://m.plannedparenthood.org/mt/w...h-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm


----------



## agentcooper (Aug 15, 2012)

http://skepchick.org/2012/03/bc-abortion/


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

the cheat said:


> ...sorry but "not liking condoms" is the worst reason I've ever heard when it comes to this topic. If you're comfortable relying on something that is less than 100% effective, that's fine...but that's when things like this happen.
> What do you think the OP would hate more, using condoms AND the pill, or using the pill and covering up for "accidents" with abortions?
> 
> And yeah, condoms are less than 100% too, just like the pill...but the two of them together is as close to 100% as you can get without abstaining from sex altogether. Even making the guy pull out before finishing is better than what they did.
> ...


I meant that some women are allergic to the latex of it and just don't like using them. Hey if they want to feel comfortable not using condoms I'm fine with it. I'm not trying to be judgy to it. I know for me I wouldn't be comfortable doing it. But I'm terrified of getting pregnant where I just don't know if I wanna have sex soon...that's a whole other problem though.

I just don't want her to think cause she said she fears what other people think and it seems like it would just make her feel worse I guess.

Now people that don't use any protection then yeah they should think hah.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Interesting how one abortion is okay but two is apparently much more controversial. If we ever (unlikely) come to the agreement as a whole society that abortion is an option for females, the number of abortions is probably going to be the next big debate.

Anyways, good luck with your choice OP. It is a tough one. I do hope you talk to your boyfriend though, and don't keep it a secret.


----------



## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Yea sometimes women forget their pill and she did take two more pills which that what is says to do but usually depends on the pill if you miss one day of a pill it doesn't lower effectiveness. And she also could be in a mono relationship and maybe they got tested that's why maybe they didn't use condoms. I have heard of couples that rely on their birth control and don't use condoms let their b/fs finish inside and they don't get pregnant it's a risk yea but it happens.


Really? That's not normal? That's the way I've been doing it the last 2.5 years and I've never had a pregnancy scare. Knock on f***ing wood.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

KelsKels said:


> Really? That's not normal? That's the way I've been doing it the last 2.5 years and I've never had a pregnancy scare. Knock on f***ing wood.


If you're comfortable with it and trust your body then yeah go ahead. I'm too paranoid meh. But yes like what you are doing I have heard of that and no one has problems with it.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Just because you got pregnant again doesn't mean it's a sign that you're meant to have a baby. It just means you're fertile. In the future, I would strongly recommend using bc pills and condoms or talk to your doctor about getting an IUD inserted. You're under no obligation to tell your boyfriend or get his input. I would only tell him if you think he's going to be able to offer support. 

It doesn't sound like you're ready to have a baby at all. You need to go to the doctor if you haven't to find out how far along you are. Adoption would be a very admirable decision but it will be one of the most difficult things you do in your life. Like a previous poster said, you won't be the first or last person to have more than one abortion. I'm sorry that you're in this predicament - my heart goes out to you. I hope that whatever you decide you get the support you need.


----------



## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

meganmila said:


> If you're comfortable with it and trust your body then yeah go ahead. I'm too paranoid meh. But yes like what you are doing I have heard of that and no one has problems with it.


Oh okay lol... The way you said it sounded like of wasn't at all normal. Maybe that's just the way I read it. Meh.


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

See if you can get an IUD inserted at the same time? Were you taking any other medication that could have interfered with the birth control?


----------



## AwkBoy (Jun 7, 2012)

If you're lucky, maybe you'll have a miscarriage, atleast it'll spare your vagina :lol 

JK 

Seriously, I have no objections to first trimester abortions, though you seem to be questioning getting one this time around, as you no doubt have better morals and ethics than I. If you want to become a beacon of moral light and purity than carry it to term and give the child up for adoption, atleast it'll give you the moral high ground in any debate  Maybe an abortion is the way the to go, or some other form of pregnancy cancellation. 

Just give the fetus up for stem cell research, if it is a fetus yet that is.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I had 2 abortions before going on the pill (and later the IUD). The abortions were only a few months apart. I had used condoms and the withdrawal method with my previous two boyfriends but the 3rd one did not know how to pull out in time. It would have been easier if it hadn't been for the horrible morning sickness and exhaustion. I also got crap from the bf cause he wanted it. It took all of my energy to just get on a bus and get to the gynecologist to make the initial appointment and then go again for the actual abortion.

It's a pretty simple procedure and very low risk. I don't really see the big deal about it other than the expense and inconvenience. It's too bad you don't have a friend to take you who isn't judgmental.

As others have mentioned, might want to try the IUD. It's much more effective than the pill.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods#Effectiveness_of_various_methods


----------



## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

meganmila said:


> Yeah but from what she is saying she is not using it has a "birth control" Sounds like she did the best she could to use protection and didn't work. So pretty much I just disagree. *For me it's her body she can do whatever she feels comfortable with*.


kinda selfish argument if you ask me.............but whatever some people value human life more than others


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Dark Alchemist said:


> You wouldn't be the first or last person to have more than one abortion. It happens - having one abortion doesn't make birth control fool-proof or your body smarter. You shouldn't decide to have a kid out of some sense of guilt, idea of what is "moral" or fear of what people will say. You said you feel it isn't the right time - I just say trust your gut. Whatever it says.


This.

From your post, it seems like the only reason you don't want to have the abortion is because you're afraid of what others will think of you. You don't want to bring a baby into this world under those circumstances AND you wrote yourself that you're not ready. This isn't about your boyfriend, parents, or friends; it's about your body and your life. Trust your gut feeling and have the abortion if it's what *you know is best for you*.


----------



## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Sorry to hear your in a tough spot :/ :squeeze

It's your choice, but just remember don't let anyone try to 'talk you into' something you don't want to do. Abortions, as you know can be very traumatizing.



> ]So... I could keep the baby. It feels like if there is a god he wants me to have a child for some reason.


After having an abortion it's really hard for some (or a lot of ladies) to have anther child, and that soon. I've always heard of people saying having a child, finally changed their life for the good, and helped set them to a 'mature' path. Because they wanted what was best for there child- so they, started getting help for themselves.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Ventura said:


> *After having an abortion it's really hard for some (or a lot of ladies) to have anther child, and that soon.* I've always heard of people saying having a child, finally changed their life for the good, and helped set them to a 'mature' path. Because they wanted what was best for there child- so they, started getting help for themselves.


That's actually a myth told by people who are against abortion. OP is proof that it's a myth considering she became pregnant again in a relatively short spam of time.


----------



## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Double Indemnity said:


> You're under no obligation to tell your boyfriend or get his input. I would only tell him if you think he's going to be able to offer support.


I'm sorry, I don't want to start a debate, but reading this... Wont she feel guilt if she don't tell her Boy Friend? It's half of him growing inside of her. (it's her choice, though). But lets think- If they ever got married, it would be like a huge 'lie' hidden, or something... somethings it's best to be honest and get the opinions around you. I'm not going to go 'pro-life' or anything on this thread, because it's to her... but, abortions aren't something to take lightly, thinking about them. :/

Possibly it's best for her, possibly it's not- we don't know what the future holds. OP, I hope you do what feels 'right'. If that means getting an abortion, well... Okay, :squeeze and I hope you have people to support you around the time. If that means keeping the bady, congrats. If this means working up the courage to giving up the baby for someone else to love, and take joy out of, because you can, that is awesome.

Life is about experiences, possibly this rode could be tried. But if you aren't ready, don't feel pressured by anyone.

:squeeze


----------



## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> That's actually a myth told by people who are against abortion. OP is proof that it's a myth considering she became pregnant again in a relatively short spam of time.


Hrm, well this is good to know. Even in school in health (high school) we where taught this :stu Sorry for the misinform information, though.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

50piecesteve said:


> kinda selfish argument if you ask me.............but whatever some people value human life more than others


Oh shush. So what we should just force her to have a kid? I'm sure that will go well. I just don't understand why people can't just let other people do what they want...sheesh.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

to those who say things like "some just value human life more than others" I would ask, what are you doing about the lives which are here and present and need help? Valuing those much?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

leonardess said:


> to those who say things like "some just value human life more than others" I would ask, what are you doing about the lives which are here and present and need help? Valuing those much?


A-****ing-men.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I guess the fetus is more important then the woman itself meh...


----------



## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

leonardess said:


> to those who say things like "some just value human life more than others" I would ask, what are you doing about the lives which are here and present and need help? Valuing those much?


Exactly!


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Some women don't like using condoms and are comfortable about relying on a birth control. It sounds like you wouldn't be and that's fine. If you take the pill correctly it's almost 100% effective. The only thing that is effective is not having sex. Even condoms get screwy sometimes. People should be able to enjoy sex and yes use a lot of protection..But you do have to think about something wrong happening. She knows she made a messy I don't want to make her feel any worse.


I'm proof that condoms are not fool proof. The condom broke and I am here. Yay! :teeth Latex is tough. But it is tear/breakable. I noticed that the condoms I had in my pocket got scrunched up (and they were expensive condoms too! Like $1 a pop. BareSkin Trojans). I hope that doesn't effect the integrity of the latex material. I want to avoid a pregnancy just as much as women do.

I can understand not wanting to use condoms in a long-term monogamous relationship. I would prefer not to use them myself in that type of situation because it reduces the sensation for both parties involved. Also it's such a buzz kill when you get a hard-on and then when you put it on, you lose it (they do have female condoms though and I'm going to try them. Or rather, my sexual partner will try them. lol. But that too reduces sensation for both parties).

I think that injection they have for birth control (I forget what its called) is an alternative worth exploring. But I heard that infertility is a possible complication that can arise from its use. It was very, very hard for my sister-in-law to get pregnant after she stopped going for those injections. But she eventually did get pregnant. IUDs are another option and infertility can also result from its use.

If I was a female, I could never do birth control pills because I have a bad habit of forgetting to take my pills (including anti-anxiety meds when I was on them!) So I can sympathize with missalyssa's double whammy. I could so see myself being in that same position. But I think missalyssa needs to get off the pills and try another birth control method. Or do pill + condoms combined but that's less fun.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I guess the fetus is more important then the woman itself meh...


I wonder when the unborn began taking precedence over the living.



WintersTale said:


> I think you should go to a doctor, and see if the baby is hurt or damaged.
> 
> Personally, I feel you should clean up your act, because you're going to hurt your own body in the long run, not to mention a child's. You are young, you shouldn't have to worry about health problems yet.
> 
> My sister is 33, and she has 5 beautiful kids. She got pregnant at 17. Yes, it wasn't what she planned, but she is thankful that she has her kids. She is a good mom, a really good mom.


Clean up what act? She's in a long-term relationship and is going to school for nursing. Nothing in her post mentions that her life is out of control. 
If there is an "act to clean" is the fact that she needs to get better birth control, not have a kid. Who would give such terrible advice? "Hey, have a kid so that you can start managing your life better"? 
Good for your sister, but it's not that way for every woman. OP is obviously showing signs of not wanting this baby. Don't give her your moralistic opinion because your sister had "five wonderful kids" starting at 17.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Where did I state that she should not get an abortion?
> 
> I told her to stop drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. As a young woman, she doesn't need health problems, like cancer.
> 
> ...


I'd like to know where I insulted you. Commenting on bad advice is not an insult; it's pointing something out. Simply because you don't want to hear it doesn't mean I'm attacking you.
By using your sister's example, you were implying that would be the better choice. You didn't mention not to have an abortion, but you didn't tell her to do whatever she felt was right either. You simply jumped to tell her how her life was out of control. For her, being a mom at her age is pretty terrifying, so there was no need for a personal anecdote. 
A lot of people drink and smoke, and that doesn't mean their life is out of control.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

You know in her post she says she is afraid of what other people think and from some posts I get the feeling that what they are saying she is afraid of that. So please stop making her feel horrible geez. She made a mistake we get it so stop saying she is irresponsible about it. Also when she was using all those drugs she didn't even know she was pregnant..and if people want to do drugs smoke whatever I get it's bad your health smoking but I'm sure she realizes it is bad for her so stop making her feel worse. And just because for some women having kids is the best thing EVAH! Doesn't mean it's the best thing ever for some people. She's not ready she is not ready. I would never want to through a pregnancy but I get not everyone feels like that. But pregnancy can be rough on you.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> I'm proof that condoms are not fool proof. The condom broke and I am here. Yay! :teeth Latex is tough. But it is tear/breakable. I noticed that the condoms I had in my pocket got scrunched up (and they were expensive condoms too! Like $1 a pop. BareSkin Trojans). I hope that doesn't effect the integrity of the latex material. I want to avoid a pregnancy just as much as women do.
> 
> I can understand not wanting to use condoms in a long-term monogamous relationship. I would prefer not to use them myself in that type of situation because it reduces the sensation for both parties involved. Also it's such a buzz kill when you get a hard-on and then when you put it on, you lose it (they do have female condoms though and I'm going to try them. Or rather, my sexual partner will try them. lol. But that too reduces sensation for both parties).
> 
> ...


I think you are meaning the Depo shots...I have heard stories they weren't that great. Your period goes out of whack....I hate shots anyways. For me personally I would not want to do a IUD..it just sounds so uncomfortable...I am comfortable with pills. I set an alarm on my phone everyday so that reminds me. Plus other things can effect it having vomiting and diarrhea within an two hour window after taking it can effect it.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

There are some rather concerning replies in here. This isn't some political debate thread.



missalyssa said:


> So... I kind of want to have an abortion. But it makes me sick to think about. That's the kind of thing you should only ever have once and then you should learn your lesson. Ugh! Who would accompany me?


You could call up the clinic and talk to them about that. I would imagine this is a relatively common situation for them to face. They may have volunteers who could accompany you, or at least know where you could find someone you could reach out to, if you're not comfortable bringing someone in your 'circle' into it.

And I don't know about this whole "lesson to learn" thing -- unexpected/unwanted pregnancies happen, no matter how much protection you use. They can happen many times over. *There is nothing wrong with having more than one abortion.*

Hopefully, you will be able to confide in at least one person close to you... This sounds like a pretty heavy burden to take on all by yourself.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> You cherrypicked my advice and decided to twist my words, to fit your ideals. In other words, you put words into my mouth, and I didn't appreciate it.


No, I looked at the context and the anecdotes you brought into your advice to surmise something. What ideals of mine would that fit? I don't want people policing how others should live their lives.



> I am not going to shut up, just because you tell me to. If a mod has a problem with what I said, they can speak up. All I did was offer my advice, and since I was trying to look out for not only the health of the OP, but for the baby as well, I don't see why I need to have my words slammed for offering supposedly "bad advice."


I haven't told you to shut up. I'm arguing your comment and you have a problem with that. You can speak all you want, and so can I. That's what you don't like.



> In other words, just because you dislike ME, doesn't mean you have to respond to my post and put words into my mouth to make me look like a bad person. I am not against abortion, for your information...pro choice all the way.


I nothing you. I read the post and replied. You as a person, I neither dislike nor like. You're just present.


----------



## unknown234 (Apr 16, 2012)

Tot the OP: 

I suggest you to stop drinking and smoking. Both are harmful to your health.
And next time, either use more protection (the pill + condom + spermicide) or don't have sex at all. If one form of protection fails due to human error (ex: you forgetting to take it) or for other reasons, the other would most likely still work.

If you can't use birth control properly, and in several mutually usable layers (the pill + condom + spermicide), you shouldn't have sex at all.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

You do know that BC fails sometimes right?


----------



## unknown234 (Apr 16, 2012)

meganmila said:


> You do know that BC fails sometimes right?


If one uses several mutually non-exclusive methods, even if one method fails, chances are, the other ones will work. It's about minimizing the risks of pregnancy, and not using just one birth control method which is prone to failure due to human error.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Not everyone feels uncomfortable about only one use of method...and have read they have had no problems for years. I think she gets she made a mistake...


----------



## unknown234 (Apr 16, 2012)

meganmila said:


> Not everyone feels uncomfortable about only one use of method...and have read they have had no problems for years. I think she gets she made a mistake...


It doesn't change the fact that several protection layers have to be used, especially after a pregnancy due to the fact that one of the layers failed due to human error.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Well obviously the method she was using didn't work so yeah she could consider a different method then after this. 

Just cause you drink or use drugs or whatever and it's not ruining your life doesn't mean she is "irresponsible". She didn't know she was pregnant while she was doing it so shush. Or are you meaning cause she got knocked up she is "irresponsible" If I was her I would find that kind of hurtful for saying that. She already said she fears what others think.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Not true at all maybe some people just don't agree with YOU. I don't give a **** if their female or male. 

Anyways...yeah I don't want this to be an argument thread.


----------



## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

If you have any doubts about birthing and raising a child, you should opt for an abortion. No one asks to be born into this world. If you are not emotionally and financially ready to raise children you should abort it. I think if more people got abortions it would resolve a lot of social and economic issues.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Well obviously the method she was using didn't work so yeah she could consider a different method then after this.
> 
> Just cause you drink or use drugs or whatever and it's not ruining your life doesn't mean she is "irresponsible". She didn't know she was pregnant while she was doing it so shush. *Or are you meaning cause she got knocked up she is "irresponsible" *If I was her I would find that kind of hurtful for saying that. She already said she fears what others think.


That's exactly what they mean, unfortunately. She's drinking, having sex, and she just so happens to be a smoker (like millions of 23-24 y/os), but because she's thinking of having an abortion, she's in a downward spiral. No one mentions the fact she wants to become a nurse (and is in the process of doing so, if I'm not mistaken). 
A lot of comments here _are _hurtful. She's scared, sad and confused, yet people feel the need to jump on her and tell her to get her "**** together" when all she needs to do is get better BC.



WintersTale said:


> ugh, never mind. It's clear that male opinion on this is irrelevant.
> 
> OP, do whatever you want to do. I'm outta this thread!


Anyone's opinion is irrelevant. This isn't about what you or I would do, it's about what the OP clearly wants to do, but is afraid to out of fear of judgments (which someone of you, by calling her "irresponsible," are doing a fine job at).


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm glad someone sees it like I do. And I bet someone will say "Yeah cause they are females" and all this gender bull****. No maybe I just agree with a PERSON. I'm just looking out for the OP...I don't know her but I know how it feels to fear judgment. And someone else said more then one abortion is abuse or something like that I'm sure that made her feel better. And yes the thing she should do is change her BC...just cause the BC they were using failed doesn't mean oh she shouldn't have sex or whatever maybe she just needs something different.


----------



## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

I'd tell your boyfriend when you've already made up your mind. You should let him know, but not let him decide. You don't seem to want this baby...like at all, so I say have the abortion if it's benefit your future. It's a tough decision, but think about your future...


----------



## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Yes, the boyfriend should have a say in this as well.


Uh, no. She's the one who'd carry the baby for nine months inside her, and if he decides to pick up and leave she'd be screwed and alone. She should tell him, but the decision should be hers.


----------



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

To the OP - I think you should sit down, blank out anything that was said in this thread, and don't think about what your family/friends would think, and ask yourself - what do _*I*_ want to do? Do I want to get an abortion, adopt or keep? Ask yourself that question while putting everyone else out of your mind. What is the answer that you are instinctively leaning towards? Trust your own gut.

If you want to hear another opinion, I'll give mine. I don't think you sound ready for a child at the moment. I don't think God is trying to tell you to have a kid. I think it was an accident that happened, unfortunately. Given what you said about your situation, I don't think you really want to have a kid. And it doesn't sound as though financially/environmentally its the right time.

Going through with the pregnancy and giving up for adoption can be tough. Pregnancy is not easy, and it will interfere with your schooling/job/life. It might be hard to give up the child at the end. I'm not saying not to do that. I'm just saying that it's not an easy thing to go through. But if your morals are telling you do that, then do that.

I don't think it should be a secret that I'm pro-choice, and actually a little pro-abortion, even though that sounds "horrible". I believe if someone isn't ready for a child and isn't wanting to go through pregnancy, they should consider an abortion. I don't agree with bringing an unwanted child into the world. We already have many kids that need to be adopted, no need to bring another one into the mix. If YOU want to get an abortion, ignore what all the haters and moral elitists are saying. Having a second abortion is not a bad thing. It was an unfortunate accident.

In conclusion: Just read my first paragraph, because that's all that matters.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

There is nothing wrong with having another abortion. Things happen. Just do what you feel is the best choice and good luck.


----------



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

I'm against abortion like I'm against having my legs blown off with a shotgun. I can see not wanting/being able to care for a baby, but just throwing away the option of giving the baby up for adoption because you think it would make you look bad...Don't _kill your child_ to keep up appearances or for convenience. It's not the baby's fault your life situation isn't where you want it to be or your birth control failed, it doesn't deserve to die. Besides, you never know how you'll feel once you see your baby, you may end up wanting to keep it rather than giving it up. I have known people who have had abortions in the past and no matter how liberal or uncaring they were there was always pain and regret involved to some degree. On the other hand I have NEVER heard of someone keeping their child or giving it up for adoption and saying "man, if only I'd had an abortion!"


----------



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> There are some cases where the mother just doesn't care, and the child dies anyway.
> 
> In those instances, it is better to have an abortion.


IMO it's never better to have an abortion, unless the mother will die otherwise or something. It's better to be given a chance than nothing at all.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't have regrets about my abortions. My bf at the time was a sweet guy but his genetics is less than desirable and his family was a money pit. I have regrets about giving away my cats but I could give a sh*t about the embryos. At the time I aborted them they were about as intelligent as a big cockroach and they made me very ill with morning sickness.


----------



## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

50piecesteve said:


> kinda selfish argument if you ask me.............but whatever some people value human life more than others


Why should she care about your judgement? It's not like you are going to be the one responsible for raising the child.


----------



## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

meganmila said:


> I guess the fetus is more important then the woman itself meh...


This would be a foolish opinion if the mother were in a situation where there was no one else to care or feed the child. If the mother dies during pregnancy, who is going to care for the baby? It would die too. Lawl at the faulty logic given by those anti abortionists who put the fetus's life above that of the mother.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

CommanderShepard said:


> I'm against abortion like I'm against having my legs blown off with a shotgun. I can see not wanting/being able to care for a baby, but just throwing away the option of giving the baby up for adoption because you think it would make you look bad...Don't _kill your child_ to keep up appearances or for convenience. It's not the baby's fault your life situation isn't where you want it to be or your birth control failed, it doesn't deserve to die. Besides, you never know how you'll feel once you see your baby, you may end up wanting to keep it rather than giving it up. I have known people who have had abortions in the past and no matter how liberal or uncaring they were there was always pain and regret involved to some degree. On the other hand I have NEVER heard of someone keeping their child or giving it up for adoption and saying "man, if only I'd had an abortion!"


Oh, okay. You're from Alaska....

:lol


----------



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Oh, okay. You're from Alaska....
> 
> :lol


What an insightful and intelligent argument :roll


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Better than being from Texas.


Nice insult there. It's better then being from Ohio too.

All these anti- abortionist make me laugh.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Nice insult there. It's better then being from Ohio too.
> 
> All these anti- abortionist make me laugh.


Texas is actually more conservative than Ohio (a historical swing state).  Well depends on where you live though. I'd think that it's more liberal in Houston and Dallas than some of the ******* areas of Ohio.

I'm not too familiar with Alaska but if Sarah Palin is any indication... lol.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> Texas is actually more conservative than Ohio (a historical swing state).  Well depends on where you live though. I'd think that it's more liberal in Houston and Dallas than some of the ******* areas of Ohio.
> 
> I'm not too familiar with Alaska but if Sarah Palin is any indication... lol.


Well assume people all think we are ******* hillybilly white trash that love BBQ and country music and love church. Ahem not everyone fits that stereotype. I never liked Ohio anyways . That's why I think I should move to Cali..no one would hate me if I lived there right? Cause if anyone thinks of Texas they think we are all crazy. That's Florida . I don't get picking on someone just cause of where they live :/ Just cause Sarah Palin is from there doesn't mean everyone from Alaska thinks like her :/ It seems like he just said that cause he knew I was from there or do people really hate us?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Better than being from Mississippi.


Fixed. 



CommanderShepard said:


> What an insightful and intelligent argument :roll


Who said I was making an argument? :lol


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

At least in Texas or where I am from they have abortion clinics...In Mississippi they don't so hah to that! Trying to get back on topic I guess heh.


----------



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Hay guys  sorry, I've been busy busy and although I have been reading the replies I hadn't had a chance to write back.

First thank you all for your advice and support. I did realize before I made the thread that it is controversial and could trigger some strong opinions... But I just really need to get it off my chest while I weigh my options. It's so scary to tell some people irl


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Austin are all "blue" cities. Like meganmila, I hate when people disparage others for where they are from or live. Most people who criticize these places have never been there. With all the people from other states flocking to Texas (especially from liberal California) for jobs and lower cost of living as well as the always rising hispanic population, I would not be surprised if Texas keeps trending towards becoming a blue state. Then the rest of the country will have to find some other state to pick on.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Please, don't have an abortion. Really think about raising the child or putting the baby up for adoption. Please check out the movie _October Baby_ & the 2006 movie _Bella._


----------



## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

lol the girl i hanged out with got pregnant like 4-5 times, all abortions, get abortion.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

meganmila said:


> Oh shush. So what we should just force her to have a kid? I'm sure that will go well. I just don't understand why *people can't just let other people do what they want*...sheesh.


Because sometimes we know that it may not be the best thing for them.
It's this kind of mentality that can actually trigger and foster problems!

"Oh, he's an out-of-control teen. Let him do what he wants"
.....he beat up a young man over a marijuana joint.
"Oh, he's gonna do what he's gonna do. Let the law (somebody else) handle him." :stu

.....instead of why he goes to the marijuana in the first place or why he is out-of-control.


----------



## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Best response in this whole thread!


i agree


----------



## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

missalyssa said:


> Hay guys  sorry, I've been busy busy and although I have been reading the replies I hadn't had a chance to write back.
> 
> First thank you all for your advice and support. I did realize before I made the thread that it is controversial and could trigger some strong opinions... But I just really need to get it off my chest while I weigh my options. It's so scary to tell some people irl


How are you feeling? Have you decided anything yet?



millenniumman75 said:


> Because sometimes we know that it may not be the best thing for them.


No one knows what's best for a person but that person themselves.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

HustleRose said:


> No one knows what's best for a person but that person themselves.


Yes! Let people make their own decisions. Agree to disagree to you MM75. If she wants to do it she wants to do it...get over it.

Winterstale you can think all you want. Just saying what you think is not always true about everyone here. It's a big state with a lot of people..not everyone is the same.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

HustleRose said:


> How are you feeling? Have you decided anything yet?
> 
> No one knows what's best for a person but that person themselves.


Not always - people can be blind to something around them if they have been around it enough.



meganmila said:


> Yes! Let people make their own decisions. Agree to disagree to you MM75. If she wants to do it she wants to do it...get over it.
> 
> Winterstale you can think all you want. Just saying what you think is not always true about everyone here. It's a big state with a lot of people..not everyone is the same.


Then the adivce of this post should apply to others as well.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

lilyamongthorns said:


> Please, don't have an abortion. Really think about raising the child or putting the baby up for adoption. Please check out the movie _October Baby_ & the 2006 movie _Bella._


Nothing like cheesy fictional movies obviously pandering to an anti choice audience. Good thing in real life we all know golden-hearted ex-soccer players with tons of cash seeking redemption who want to adopt! Oh wait...


----------



## MyJoy (Dec 9, 2011)

If you're going to marry the bf why not just have the kid. Later on you might regret the abortion or regret giving the kid up for adoption and it could cause a rift for you and your man. If you are early into it you can always stop the pot, smoking and booze.


----------



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

Dark Alchemist said:


> Nothing like cheesy fictional movies obviously pandering to an anti choice audience. Good thing in real life we all know golden-hearted ex-soccer players with tons of cash seeking redemption who want to adopt! Oh wait...


What's wrong with trying to see the other side of the situation, to see the positive that could come from making a different choice? There are millions of loving couples out there who want desparately to adopt a child. Good could come of keeping your child, good could come of adopting them out, nothing good can come out of killing your child. You don't want to raise a child? Fine, give it up for adoption and it's out of your life forever just the same. Only in this case it's alive and given a chance, a couple who could never have children are given a miracle.

It sounds like the only reasons she wants an abortion are 1)she doesn't want to/can't raise a child, and 2)people will think badly of her for having a baby. If she adopts the baby out, she doesn't have to raise it and it gets to live, and having multiple abortions has a much more negative stigma than having a child when you're young/unmarried/whatever. In 5 years no one will care how old or rich you were when you gave birth but those abortions will be with you forever.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

CommanderShepard said:


> What's wrong with trying to see the other side of the situation, to see the positive that could come from making a different choice? There are millions of loving couples out there who want desparately to adopt a child. Good could come of keeping your child, good could come of adopting them out, nothing good can come out of killing your child. You don't want to raise a child? Fine, give it up for adoption and it's out of your life forever just the same. Only in this case it's alive and given a chance, a couple who could never have children are given a miracle.


Why do you assume she is ignorant of "the other side"? And why do you need to use a fictional movie to show what is supposedly realistic?

There are over 400,000 children in desperate need of homes in the U.S. alone. Where are those "millions of loving couples who desperately want to adopt" all of a sudden? Hm? Waiting for a white non-disabled designer newborn to go with the white picket fence and the SUV? "Miracle" my ***.

Adoption changes your life. And many, many women regret their adoptions. Some women regret giving birth. But of course you don't give a rat's *** about them, right?

I love how you prattle on and on without considering the other side to your obvious bias. Hypocrisy at its finest right there.



> It sounds like the only reasons she wants an abortion are 1)she doesn't want to/can't raise a child, and 2)people will think badly of her for having a baby. If she adopts the baby out, she doesn't have to raise it and it gets to live, and having multiple abortions has a much more negative stigma than having a child when you're young/unmarried/whatever. In 5 years no one will care how old or rich you were when you gave birth but those abortions will be with you forever.


Those are perfectly valid reasons for an abortion. Who are you to say otherwise? It sounds like the only reasons you want her to give birth is 1)It fits your narrow idea of morality 2)You refuse to consider another point of view on abortions. 
I'm sure that to people like you abortions carry stigma. After all, its people like you who spread and reinforce it against women who have abortions.

Don't like abortion? Don't have one. Quit spreading your myths.


----------



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

Unfortunately dark alchemist, most people don't want to adopt an older child, they want to adopt a baby. Many people mistakenly believe that an older child will never see them as their parent, will always want to go back to their birth parents, etc...the older children are usually in the system because they have been taken away from their parents and put in foster care when they are past the baby-toddler age. I for one would love to adopt an older child. It's almost unheard of for a baby to get passed over. I don't know where you got the idea that everyone wants a white baby. There are people of every race that adopt, and babies of every race to match. Also if everyone wanted white babies, overseas adoptions wouldn't be so prevalent.

Do you mean women regret giving their children up for adoption, or they regret adopting a child? I don't know why you're making assumptions like that about me. Of course I care about the feelings of someone that regrets giving their child up, or regrets adopting. I have too much empathy for my own good, and thinking about the OP's situation today made me want to cry. I just care much more about the life of a child than being "safe" or "politically correct."

The OP is already pregnant, it's not like we're saying she has to go out and get pregnant and have a baby just to fulfil our random whims. I just don't see how an inconvenience of a few months could possibly compare to the murder of a child. The scale is way out of balance there.

I don't know what "myth" I'm supposedly spreading and I don't know why you're so angry. I've stayed civil even if my view is different than yours.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Oh good lord. Winterstale not everyone is like your sister. Not everyone can have 5 kids and be happy with it. Pregnancy is not an easy feat and no one can tell her what to do with her body. 

I just hope the OP does what is best for her. No matter what we say in here what matters is what she wants. And OP if you want an abortion don't listen to these people that are sort of or against it.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Sorry if the question offends anyone, but how the hell do you end up with five kids without a stable partner?


----------



## AwkBoy (Jun 7, 2012)

OP, An abortion is your single best choice. Just be sure to get one before the fetus starts to develop a brain, or rather, a working consciousness.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

TPower said:


> Sorry if the question offends anyone, but how the hell do you end up with five kids without a stable partner?


You should ask that question of my niece. 6 kids- 5 fathers.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

CommanderShepard said:


> Unfortunately dark alchemist, most people don't want to adopt an older child, they want to adopt a baby. Many people mistakenly believe that an older child will never see them as their parent, will always want to go back to their birth parents, etc...the older children are usually in the system because they have been taken away from their parents and put in foster care when they are past the baby-toddler age. I for one would love to adopt an older child. It's almost unheard of for a baby to get passed over. I don't know where you got the idea that everyone wants a white baby. There are people of every race that adopt, and babies of every race to match. Also if everyone wanted white babies, overseas adoptions wouldn't be so prevalent.
> 
> Do you mean women regret giving their children up for adoption, or they regret adopting a child? I don't know why you're making assumptions like that about me. Of course I care about the feelings of someone that regrets giving their child up, or regrets adopting. I have too much empathy for my own good, and thinking about the OP's situation today made me want to cry. I just care much more about the life of a child than being "safe" or "politically correct."
> 
> ...


You stubbornly choose to see it as "murder of a child." Well, not all of us see pre fetal cell clumps as children. Try and realize that.

If I'm angry its because I'm sick of this condescending attitude I constantly see see from antis.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> You are blessed, OP. Seriously.
> 
> My sister doesn't complain about the life she has been handed. She just looks at the situation, and tries to get the best out of her life. That makes her a survivor.
> 
> I don't know what's more offensive, that you want to end a life without asking the other people in your life if they want that, too? Or that you're complaining, when you're more privileged than 95% of the people who end up in this situation?


You just can't help yourself, can you? :roll


----------



## missingno (Sep 29, 2011)

Dark Alchemist said:


> You stubbornly choose to see it as "murder of a child." Well, not all of us see pre fetal cell clumps as children. Try and realize that.
> 
> *If I'm angry its because I'm sick of this condescending attitude* I constantly see see from antis.


Oh the irony. Every time you post you display a condescending attitude to anyone who dares to have a different opinion to you.

As for abortion I'm kinda neutral with conflicting views. I think ideally abortion should only be used for rape cases and that adoption if you don't want the kid instead of abortion should be the goal. I realize that it isn't possible to happen in today's world and I wouldn't make abortion illegal.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Like Just Lurking has said can we not turn this into a debate? We are gonna argue and argue and eventually this thread will locked cause of it. Plus maybe we should just wish the OP the best instead having our opinion and turning it into an argument where no one wins and it gets more heated. I just have a feeling this could turn into a thread lock.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I don't know what's more offensive, that you want to end a life without asking the other people in your life if they want that, too? Or that you're complaining, when you're more privileged than 95% of the people who end up in this situation?


Jesus, save your guilt trip. I'm finding you to be offensive. It's no one else's decision but hers.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

missingno said:


> Oh the irony. Every time you post you display a condescending attitude to anyone who dares to have a different opinion to you.


:roll Still smarting from the last argument we had or something?


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I just have a feeling this could turn into a thread lock.


At this point it should.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't want it to be cause of some weirdos. Ugh!


----------



## missingno (Sep 29, 2011)

Dark Alchemist said:


> :roll Still smarting from the last argument we had or something?


Kinda proving my point. Oh and I don't recall having any arguments with you. Even checked my quote notifications and I only noticed one other one from you. I think most people here who have seen a number of your posts would realize my point is the truth


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

missingno said:


> Kinda proving my point. Oh and I don't recall having any arguments with you. Even checked my quote notifications and I only noticed one other one from you. I think most people here  who have seen a number of your posts would realize my point is the truth


LOL "truth." Funny how you claim so many of my posts are condescending but don't bother to provide actual examples. Apparently disagreeing with someone = condescending in your book? If you're so sensitive, I'll remember to walk on eggshells around you in the future. That better?


----------



## Faith7 (Jun 27, 2011)

I remember replying to your abortion thread, it's really sad to see that you might abort again.


----------



## Faith7 (Jun 27, 2011)

Faith7 said:


> I remember replying to your abortion thread, it's really sad to see that you might abort again. Whatever you decide to do don't go true it on your own


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

if you aren't responsible enough to take care of a baby, you shouldn't be having sex. Abortion = murder . . . should of used condoms


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Abortion does not equal murder. It's about the same as stepping on a really big cockroach or maybe a newborn baby mouse.


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

a human is not an animal, I can step on roaches and poison mice all day long but I would never kill a baby


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Sam1911 said:


> if you aren't responsible enough to take care of a baby, you shouldn't be having sex. Abortion = murder . . . should of used condoms


Responsible enough to have sex? Last time I checked, no one needed a license to do something monkeys do every 15 minutes.
Removing cells from your body isn't murder. The living take precedence from the unborn. Period. If having a kid would ruin her life, she should abort it. She obviously doesn't want a child. Stop calling her a murderer; she's not Ted Bundy.



komorikun said:


> Abortion does not equal murder. It's about the same as stepping on a really big cockroach or maybe a newborn baby mouse.


Actually, I think killing a cockroach is worse. You know, 'cause they're actually living. :lol


----------



## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> Not always - people can be blind to something around them if they have been around it enough.


People know when something isn't good for them regardless of how accustomed to it they are. Take the drug example you gave earlier; a person knows that it isn't good for their health, but they do it anyways. No one can tell a person when to stop something. They need to come to the realization of how bad it is on their own. The problem OP has isn't one that needs outsider opinion. She knows what's good for her; not you or me.



Dark Alchemist said:


> Nothing like cheesy fictional movies obviously pandering to an anti choice audience. Good thing in real life we all know golden-hearted ex-soccer players with tons of cash seeking redemption who want to adopt! Oh wait...


:lol


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Sam1911 said:


> a human is not an animal, I can step on roaches and poison mice all day long but I would never kill a baby


Actually a human is an animal. Cockroaches and mice are non-human animals.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I'm going to get jumped on by the same people that started it with me to begin with, but I agree.
> 
> The reason I brought up my sister was, she wasn't ready to become a mother. She was in an abusive relationship, and she actually had to cut and run out of it with three babies to her name. Both of her biological parents (she is adopted) were dead, and she had nobody but me and my mom to turn to. My family rejected her. My grandma called her a ****, and was really mean to her. She has been treated that way for her whole life.
> 
> ...


Yep. Here I go...
You're basically telling the OP that your sister has a job that pays the bills, but her life could've been a lot better. Had she aborted the kids, left the abusive relationship, gone to college and gotten a degree, she probably would have a stable job right now and maybe would've met a nice guy with whom she could be starting a family with right now, at 32; a great age to have kids.

Of course your sister doesn't complain. That's he life. She made her bed and now she's lying in it like a grown woman should. My mother had my sister at 18, then five years later had another oops baby: me. If I could go back to 1984, I would tell her have an abortion (sorry, sis). I would've rather to never have been born than to have my mother go through what she did. She was also victim of an abusive relationship. Not only was her husband abusive, but her father as well. I'm actually a product of rape. NO questions asked, I'd tell any young woman to choose her life over an unborn child's.



> You are blessed, OP. Seriously.


You're right. She is blessed to have an option.



> I don't know what's more offensive, that you want to end a life without asking the other people in your life if they want that, too? Or that you're complaining, when you're more privileged than 95% of the people who end up in this situation?


She's not complaining about privilege. She's wondering if she'll be rightfully judged by others for having a second abortion, and yes, she will be judged, but not rightfully so.


----------



## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Sam1911 said:


> a human is not an animal


Yes we are.


----------



## abomino13 (Apr 21, 2012)

if u wait until u r ready or finances are ready...u will never have children...nobody would. You have a blessing...**** take the religion out of it...its still the best thing in the world


----------



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I won't single out any specific posts but this thread is making me --> uke


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

we're not monkeys lol silly atheists :b


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

@WintersTale: Don't be surprised if yours is one of them...

:roll



Sam1911 said:


> we're not monkeys lol silly atheists :b


Yes, the atheist are the silly ones....


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

^Hey hey, I see an insult there. I'm not the one dictating, the guidelines are. I'd watch what you say, young man!
:lol


----------



## Metus (Dec 6, 2010)

Since you're considering getting an operation anyway, there is one to prevent yourself from facing this dilemma again.

You don't seem to take your birth control seriously enough, certainly not for a 24 year old.

It's not hard. Plenty of us have sex all the time and never face such issues. With the advancement of birth control methods in today's society, abortions should be obsolete. 

I guess it's good as a way of preventing such people's progeny from polluting the planet. The last thing we need is for another person to come around in another 2 decades contemplating their second abortion.


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

Metus said:


> Since you're considering getting an operation anyway, there is one to prevent yourself from facing this dilemma again.
> 
> You don't seem to take your birth control seriously enough, certainly not for a 24 year old.
> 
> ...


:teeth :clap +1


----------



## Metus (Dec 6, 2010)

And it saddens me that in today's society, pregnancy is seen as a tragedy. The reaction to it is akin to being diagnosed with cancer.

Is it any surprise that we have the problems we do?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

^Disagreeing with you is not insulting you. You called me a snotnosed (?) 23 year-old; that's an insult right there. I never insulted you as much as you'd like to play that card. You simply don't like to have your comments challenged.

Christina Aguilera would be ashamed of you... tsk tsk tsk.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

How about the anti abortion people just get out of this thread...I don't think she needs to hear this crap when it sounds like she doesn't want to be judged getting another abortion...which sounds like she wants to do. 

Winterstale..why did you mention your sister anyways? Saying that the op is blessed for having what she has and kind of hinting on keeping the baby. And saying to her "clean up your act" "irresponsible" I don't think that's helpful. It sounds kind of judgy to me. I mean we get it your sister has 5 kids and she is a survivor or whatever that means. And why are you even mentioning her complaining about being privileged?

I knew this thread would be bring in pro lifers and turn this into a debate. Sigh.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

@WT: Actually, silencing the voices of those who are advising her to do something she doesn't want to do could be helpful. I do believe that turning her problem into a debate is wrong, but it's not fair to her to let other users criticize her, put her down and tell her what to due based on their on morals. She should know that if she decides to go through with the abortion, there's no shame in that.

BTW, I think I phrased everything quite beautifully. How's that for snotnosed? :lol


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Don't bother asking a forum, go to a professional who offers you the _right _advice. Too many people here will confuse you and offer mixed opinions because these sorts of decisions are personally moral ones. Good luck.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

R91 said:


> Choked on coffee from laughter. Thank you for the morning chuckle.














Railroad Cancellation said:


> Don't bother asking a forum, go to a professional who offers you the _right _advice. Too many people here will confuse you and offer mixed opinions because these sorts of decisions are personally moral ones. Good luck.


I agree. In fact, this is what she should've done from the start. Planned Parenthood has counselors that could help you clear your mind and make a decision based on what _you_ want.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yea...this forum is not helpful on this topic. It will turn into a looooong debate where nobody wins....just like here.

If you ever go to Livejournal there's communities there that will help you OP that won't be judgmental and it won't be turned into a debate.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

How about we just drop the argument and let this thread be open. It's not fair to the OP for this thread to be closed. So this whole debate needs to be over and done with. No one got hurt it's over alright?


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

Sam1911 said:


> a human is not an animal


Actually yes humans are a species of animal.



> I can step on roaches and poison mice all day long but I would never kill a baby


So much for being "pro life" :roll


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

And also no judgments and saying her thinking about abortion is so "wrong" and it's "murder" It's not helpful to the OP. That's what I get angry at. Saying she is afraid what other people think about her getting another abortion and then we have all these people in here sayings things what she probably fears..Grrrr.

Roaches don't have souls


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> _*How in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA am I being insulting or offensive to the OP? *_


_*

Let me spell it out for you. You pretty much barged in here while holding your sister up as some shining beacon of a right choice and you throw a hissy fit for someone daring to disagree with you or your precious sister.

You should have left the thread when you first announced you were doing so.*_


----------



## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

> ** quote removed **


I assume that you've had a vasectomy then? I'm sure you're aware that condoms and other methods of BC are not 100% effective, and since you feel so strongly about the matter you wouldn't want to be a hypocrite. After all, being the empathetic individual that you are, I'm sure that you're not the type who believes that BC is the sole responsibility of the woman.

Or maybe you genuinely believe that people only have sex when they're trying to have kids.

Let's be real here. The typical family has 2-3 kids. So if we all just had sex to procreate, then the average person would only have sex how ever many times it takes to achieve the desired number of children they want and then either become celibate or get sterilized after that. Most people don't want to be celibate. Sterilization is not always an option for many reasons, including money, lack of health insurance, and the fact that a couple may decide to have more kids in the future.

Sometimes, no matter how careful people are, unwanted pregnancies happen. Should you ever become a woman and get pregnant, you're free to not have an abortion. Until then, quit trying to shove your beliefs down everyone's throat with your fake aborted fetus photos.


----------



## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I really think some of ya'll could turn a thread about being asked "paper or plastic" into a debate about the effects of morphine on lab rats. :um

missalyssa, who cares what everyone thinks...they don't have to deal with the repercussions like you do. You know what's best for you, so to hell with everyone that doesn't like it.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

au Lait said:


> I assume that you've had a vasectomy then? I'm sure you're aware that condoms and other methods of BC are not 100% effective, and since you feel so strongly about the matter you wouldn't want to be a hypocrite. After all, being the empathetic individual that you are, I'm sure that you're not the type who believes that BC is the sole responsibility of the woman.
> 
> Or maybe you genuinely believe that people only have sex when they're trying to have kids.
> 
> ...


_Wait, what? What did I miss?_ :teeth

I understand your points, though, and I agree. America has become an oversexualized society...and that's okay. Not everyone has to be a parent, and there are enough foster kids in the system, anyway.

I take back everything I wrote before. This girl has the right to an abortion, especially if she doesn't feel right about having a child. I slept on it, and reexamined how I personally felt about it.

I feel kind of ashamed of most of the posts I made in this thread. :|


----------



## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> _Wait, what? What did I miss?_ :teeth


There was a graphic photo that the user I quoted was trying to pass off as a genuine aborted fetus. Looks like the mods deleted his post while I was in the middle of typing my reply. I didn't include the photo in my reply b/c aside from being an obvious fake, it was also pretty inappropriate.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

au Lait said:


> There was a graphic photo that the user I quoted was trying to pass off as a genuine aborted fetus. Looks like the mods deleted his post while I was in the middle of typing my reply. I didn't include the photo in my reply b/c aside from being an obvious fake, it was also pretty inappropriate.


Wow, that's pretty messed up.


----------



## hrnmhmm (Feb 23, 2012)

I've already ... ranted this. Posting my opinion once more for good measure.



missalyssa said:


> I'm freaking out inside. I'm only just about 24 and don't feel like I'm responsible enough or ready enough to have a child. Also, I've been drinking, smoking, and smoking pot a lot since I wasn't aware I was pregnant.


Disregarding the abortion debate.

I think it would be wrong for you to have the child. Putting it up for adoption will put the quality of this person's entire future at risk. Keeping it will guarantee a worse life than you could ensure for it if you were better prepared. This decision is not about you.


----------



## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

That is an unfortunate situation. Regardless of whether people treat it as such, choosing to have sex is choosing to risk STDs, emotional turmoil, and of course pregnancy. So this is a consequence you must face. I support your decision to have another abortion. You should really look into setting an alarm on your phone or writing down a reminder to take birth control though. You could be taking more responsibility to ensure another unwanted pregnancy doesn't result.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

jsgt said:


> missalyssa, who cares what everyone thinks...they don't have to deal with the repercussions like you do. You know what's best for you, so to hell with everyone that doesn't like it.


Best answer.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

laura024 said:


> That is an unfortunate situation. Regardless of whether people treat it as such, choosing to have sex is choosing to risk STDs, emotional turmoil, and of course pregnancy. So this is a consequence you must face. I support your decision to have another abortion. You should really look into setting an alarm on your phone or writing down a reminder to take birth control though. You could be taking more responsibility to ensure another unwanted pregnancy doesn't result.


Exactly.

Abort this baby, but make sure that this doesn't happen again, unless you want it to.


----------



## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

laura024 said:


> You should really look into setting an alarm on your phone or writing down a reminder to take birth control though. You could be taking more responsibility to ensure another unwanted pregnancy doesn't result.


She probably already set an alarm on her phone. That method isn't foolproof, especially if you don't have your phone on you all the time, like she probably didn't because she was camping. She should definitely get a new form of birth control, like an IUD. It's more effective than birth control and you don't have to remember anything.

As for the original question, my advice would be don't have a child if you're not ready for it. You should tell your boyfriend, because it's his problem as much as yours, and he can accompany you if you choose to have an abortion.


----------



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Hay, sorry I was cut short on my lay reply, I've been really busy.

Anyway... I have decided I will have another abortion. I've gone to a clinic in the next town over to discuss and have a blood test to for sure determine the pregnancy. I couldn't do that here because I work at the hospital and we don't have clinics in my town.

I just do feel terribly. I do want to have children some day.. I love kids but when I do I want to be prepared, I would stop doing anything that would hurt the baby in utero before trying to conceive and I would put away money specifically for baby needs. Like I'm not a drug addict or anything it's just that it's summer time and I like to party... So I have been binge drinking on weekends for camping and other parties, and I've picked up the bad habit of having a coupl cigarettes when I'm drinking.

I feel like my bf and I are just super fertile together. The first time I got pregnant he had never even come inside me...he pulled out every time and I just was waiting to start bc pills again since I was late in getting an appt to get my perscription. This time I guess I just missed the one day and bang. I will most definitely look to other methods of birth control. I'd do the iud or depo shot, anything. I dont think we will use condoms though because we trust each other and they make it uncomfortable... Like they tend to rip and one has come off inside me before and I had a hard time getting it out I was scared.

Anyway I just need to book it and... Tell my bf. it's gonna suck because he felt we have been doin everything right and now he will be so anxious about sex at all...

Ok just thought I'd reply so you all know your messages were not for nothing  thanks


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I just want to say this...pulling out is not a form of birth control.


----------



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I just want to say this...pulling out is not a form of birth control.


Of course not, but pulling out and the pill combo is usually pretty legit.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

I think you're making the right decision. If you're not ready for a baby, don't have a baby. Adoption is an alternative. But that has it's own set of issues that you, your bf and the child will have to deal with.


----------



## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

Good luck. You're doing what's best for you. Don't doubt that.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

missalyssa said:


> Of course not, but pulling out and the pill combo is usually pretty legit.


True.


----------



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

OP - it sounds like you made the right decision for yourself. Hopefully the next time you are pregnant is during a time when you decide you are ready and wanting a baby. 

But yeah.. please don't rely on pulling out. lol.


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

this thread just keeps getting better and better  how about you make your bf wear a condom instead of having him pull out. They give free condoms at most clinics if you can't afford them. There's no excuse . . . they also prevent stds


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

I've only read the first and last pages of this thread so I'm really just responding to the OP here.

My heart breaks for you, truly. Not even considering other people for a moment, I agree that two abortions in a small time frame would potentially take a real toll on a person. Especially if you do plan on having children at some point. Head and heart are saying entirely different things and you've had to make a really, really difficult decision. Thinking about the feelings of your boyfriend and family just make it so much harder. For what it's worth, from what you've written, it seems like you're making a good decision for you. You know your limitations, what you and your boyfriend are prepared to deal with, and what situation the baby would be brought into. I do HIGHLY suggest finding a person to lean on regardless, though. Many girls I know did it without telling their parents or boyfriend due to being afraid (years prior to telling me of course). Since your boyfriend wouldn't want to keep the baby I'd suggest turning to him first since he'd see your side of things quite clearly and, well, that's his job. You didn't just get pregnant, he kind of helped.  Some guys seem on the fence about whether or not they'd want to be told but if you're marrying him I think he needs to know, both for his sake and to be able to support you as well. 

Another thing to consider: be very choosy with who you tell. It's a very personal issue and if people have judged you in the past making life harder for you, remember that, and try to limit who's in the know. It really isn't their place to judge - it's your life and your body. You obviously did not use abortion as a method of birth control (people do that!). So you deserve respect and support. I hope there's a person (or two or three) who can provide that for you.

Oh, and do consider another combination of birth control since you now know what you currently do really doesn't work for you.


----------



## Logical Paradox (Aug 29, 2012)

Don't have sex and you won't get these problems.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Sam1911 said:


> this thread just keeps getting better and better  how about you make your bf wear a condom instead of having him pull out. They give free condoms at most clinics if you can't afford them. There's no excuse . . . they also prevent stds


Yeh but condoms suck.


----------



## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Logical Paradox said:


> Don't have sex and you won't get these problems.


That's harder than it sounds...

Though OP, I would suggest as others have done, to try a different combination. Like condoms with birth control. It may just be me, but I think sex with condoms is still enjoyable, and it really lessens the threat of pregnancy.


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

sorrwel said:


> That's harder than it sounds...
> 
> Though OP, I would suggest as others have done, to try a different combination. Like condoms with birth control. It may just be me, but I think sex with condoms is still enjoyable, and it really lessens the threat of pregnancy.


Yep. Trojan Fire & Ice = win.

Plus you guys really don't want to be worrying about, "What if we get pregnant a third time?" while having sex. Mood killer ahoy.


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

sorrwel said:


> That's harder than it sounds...


It's harder for us guys to get laid so no big deal :teeth most people in here have never had secks at all


----------



## georgegliddy (Aug 31, 2012)

condoms = conDUMB. they give u bad rash and smell.... + then u got to throw out the used thang all full of yucky-juices


----------

