# Is it possible to get a GF if you have low self-esteem? (Guys only)



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Is it possible for someone to fall in love with a man if he doesn't love himself?


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

Lol..I'm a girl I know u said guys only..but a girls point of view is also nice to here.
Yes I think a guy could get a girlfriend with low self esteem..there's many girls whose feelings are mutual and just the same..while in the relationship you can teach other to love youselves


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## unmotivated (Oct 1, 2009)

Yeah, I'm a married guy and have been through it. Women who are abusive love guys with low self-esteem. Watch out for them. Also, there are women who are of the care-taker type due to their mom having to play that role with possibly with their dad. Those women will date men with a low self-esteem also. Also, watch out for women who give pick-up lines and are clingy. You do not need this. Trust me.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

unmotivated said:


> Yeah, I'm a married guy and have been through it. Women who are abusive love guys with low self-esteem. Watch out for them. Also, there are women who are of the care-taker type due to their mom having to play that role with possibly with their dad. Those women will date men with a low self-esteem also. Also, watch out for women who give pick-up lines and are clingy. You do not need this. Trust me.


I agree with you...abusive girls often look for men 
With lowself esteem..had a friend
Go thru it..it's awful so stay away from those types they will break you down.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

There are plenty of girls who will love a man with low self-esteem or anything.
But, as you were warned, be careful of girls who take advantage of that. There are plenty of them out there, also.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

Iced Soul said:


> There are plenty of girls who will love a man with low self-esteem or anything.
> But, as you were warned, be careful of girls who take advantage of that. There are plenty of them out there, also.


Right on the spot, if you have low self esteem (whatever gender you are), you have to be careful of people who could take advantage of you and be abusive.

To answer the original question, yeah i'm sure it is possible to get a GF, but low self esteem is still an handicap, so it's probably more difficult.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

It depends to what level, a lot of people have low self esteem but not to a level which impairs them from living a happy life. I can't imagine any girl wanting me because i have a very low opinion of myself and it would be unfair to put such a burden on anyone.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

Emptyheart said:


> I agree with you...abusive girls often look for men
> With lowself esteem..had a friend
> Go thru it..it's awful so stay away from those types they will break you down.


And abusive men look for women with low self esteem too. My sister has landed a lot of abusive men in the past, the last turned out to be a paedophile and got jailed. Good job she divorced him just before he was charged! My sister is kind of naieve for her age of 31 and she's not wary of people unlike me who's a misanthorpe.


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Probably better to stay single until you feel confident about yourself. That way you won't tolerate bad behavior like you would if you have low self-esteem.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Am I uglier than I think I am? I thought that one of the main reasons why no one likes me is because I don't like myself. But if it's true that there are girls who are okay with guys with low-self-esteem then how come no one likes me?

Where can I find girls who are okay with guys who have low self-esteem?



> Women who are abusive love guys with low self-esteem. Watch out for them.


Why would I need to watch out when no one's ever been interested in me?


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

vicente said:


> Am I uglier than I think I am? I thought that one of the main reasons why no one likes me is because I don't like myself. But if it's true that there are girls who are okay with guys with low-self-esteem then how come no one likes me?
> 
> *Where can I find girls who are okay with guys who have low self-esteem?*
> 
> *Why would I need to watch out when no one's ever been interested in me?*


You can find them anywhere. Stores, classes, work, in the park, on sas, anywhere. You've probably heard it a million times before, but it's true. There is no specific place to meet anyone. You can meet the love of your life on a plane trip or while getting your car fixed. Who knows?

Believe me, even if you've never had anyone interested in you before, it doesn't mean you can't attract someone who will take advantage of you. They seem to sniff out people with low self esteem like dogs. They usually go after people who don't seem to have anyone around, look sad/depressed, who don't seem confident. They take the fact that you've never had anyone interested in you and use it. Making you feel special and wonderful, and then once you're used to that, they use it to manipulate you. Like, telling you no one would be interested in you, except them and they're the best person you could ever get. They treat you horribly and you don't leave or stand up for yourself because you begin to believe the lies they tell you because you didn't have anyone interested in you before. Be careful of those people.

My sister is in that situation now and I see how these people work, or at least, her boyfriend.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Iced Soul said:


> Believe me, even if you've never had anyone interested in you before, it doesn't mean you can't attract someone who will take advantage of you. They seem to sniff out people with low self esteem like dogs. They usually go after people who don't seem to have anyone around, look sad/depressed, who don't seem confident. They take the fact that you've never had anyone interested in you and use it. Making you feel special and wonderful, and then once you're used to that, they use it to manipulate you. Like, telling you no one would be interested in you, except them and they're the best person you could ever get. They treat you horribly and you don't leave or stand up for yourself because you begin to believe the lies they tell you because you didn't have anyone interested in you before. Be careful of those people.
> 
> My sister is in that situation now and I see how these people work, or at least, her boyfriend.


I don't see how that can happen to guys, which is why I put "Guys only". What your sister's boyfriend is doing to her is cruel and sociopathic.


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## bobthebuilder (Jun 17, 2009)

vicente said:


> I don't see how that can happen to guys, which is why I put "Guys only". What your sister's boyfriend is doing to her is cruel and sociopathic.


Like she said, the girl could use your lack of friends against you to try and bend you to her will. Just as some girls stay with some guys out of fear they cant do better/find anyone else, guys can be the same way. Some people have the 'somethings better than nothing' attitude, personally i do not and would not stand for that sort of thing, but its not hard to see some people will.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

No girls only like confidence. Sorry, you are doomed.

/s

Does make things more difficult, as guys are still (for the most part) expected to "make the first move" and be confident and all that.

### puts on flame suit ###

There was a thread I read a while ago, where a girl wanted a guy to ask her out, and he wasn't picking the signals she was giving off. And so some of the replies are like "why don't you just ask him out?" and she goes, "I don't want to possibly get rejected." What the heck does she think the guy is thinking? (if he actually likes her that is) And her response was, "Well, thats what a guy is SUPPOSED TO DO :roll"


also... 

*** ducks for eventual mod lock ***


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> No girls only like confidence. Sorry, you are doomed.
> 
> /s
> 
> ...


I know a good number of women who don't believe that "that's what a guy is supposed to do." I call these women "datable." Those that do believe that a guy must make the first move are essentially setting the feminist movement back about 60 years.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

vicente said:


> Is it possible for someone to fall in love with a man if he doesn't love himself?


no.. i'm a walking proof of that


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

What exactly are abusive girls ?


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## Tau Sin (Sep 20, 2009)

Some Russian Guy said:


> What exactly are abusive girls ?


One example of an abusive woman is the girl who's into "chaos". For instance; girls who cheat on their partners, women who "need" attention 24/7, individuals who manipulate their partners without remorse (regardless of consequences), pretty much any act of jeopardizing a stable relationship.

Usually you can connect this type of behavior with a past history of abuse, whether sexual/physical/emotional/drug/etc abuse (any combination(s)) can affect behavior in relationships.

Solution: Therapy, supportive community, and most important of all the willingness to change. (Harder then it seems to be sure)


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Tau Sin said:


> One example of an abusive woman is the girl who's into "chaos". For instance; girls who cheat on their partners, women who "need" attention 24/7, individuals who manipulate their partners without remorse (regardless of consequences), pretty much any act of jeopardizing a stable relationship.
> 
> Usually you can connect this type of behavior with a past history of abuse, whether sexual/physical/emotional/drug/etc abuse (any combination(s)) can affect behavior in relationships.
> 
> Solution: Therapy, supportive community, and most important of all the willingness to change. (Harder then it seems to be sure)


There is so much truth in this....


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

vicente said:


> I don't see how that can happen to guys, which is why I put "Guys only". What your sister's boyfriend is doing to her is cruel and sociopathic.


It can happen to anyone. It's not exclusive to females at all. Just like domestic abuse. People often think it's a female thing (only wives are victims), but guys can be victims of it, too.

I agree, my sister's boyfriend is a list of words that I can't say here. :b


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## 718 (Dec 19, 2008)

Anything is possible but...the real answer is no. for whatever reason the same doesnt apply to girls...it's just the way the world works


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

718 said:


> Anything is possible but...the real answer is no. for whatever reason the same doesnt apply to girls...it's just the way the world works


This, essentially.


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## Unlikely hero (Jan 20, 2009)

I have very low self esteem; i have a lovely girlfriend. It's all about finding someone who clicks with you. I always complain to her about my low self esteem issues and shes always there to reinsure me, so its been a good connection =)


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Tau Sin said:


> One example of an abusive woman is the girl who's into "chaos". For instance; girls who cheat on their partners, women who "need" attention 24/7, individuals who manipulate their partners without remorse (regardless of consequences), pretty much any act of jeopardizing a stable relationship.
> 
> Usually you can connect this type of behavior with a past history of abuse, whether sexual/physical/emotional/drug/etc abuse (any combination(s)) can affect behavior in relationships.
> 
> Solution: Therapy, supportive community, and most important of all the willingness to change. (Harder then it seems to be sure)


I don't understand why people are in abusive relationships and just keep on going on the same pattern. My co-worker's daughter is on her third husband and the way she describes him sounds like an abusive personality. Her daughter had a rough upbringing too, druggie parents, battered mother, etc. so I guess its true that these people seek out the same type of partern that they grew up with as a role model.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Unlikely hero said:


> *I have very low self esteem; i have a lovely girlfriend.* It's all about finding someone who clicks with you. I always complain to her about my low self esteem issues and shes always there to reinsure me, so its been a good connection =)


That's so sweet.
It also proves guys can have low self esteem and still get a girlfriend.
I'm not sure why it's...
'Anything is possible but..._the real answer is no_. for whatever reason the same doesnt apply to girls...it's just the way the world works.'

If girls can find boyfriends and have low self esteem, so can guys.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

I don't completely understand, what is low self esteem... 

umm, is the opposite of having a low self esteem implies that everyone in close proximity to you must get hurt physically and or emotionally, is it?


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## TheGMan (Jun 10, 2004)

These are the methods that have worked for me:

1. For some reason, I have been pursued a few times. Inevitably it is an outgoing girl who likes a challenge and/or is seeking a doormat. I don't know exactly.
2. Be the 2nd or 3rd fallback option for a girl from SAS.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

TheGMan said:


> These are the methods that have worked for me:
> 
> 2. Be the 2nd or 3rd fallback option for a girl from SAS.


Now that's the spirit!


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Before I first decided to keep things going with my ex, she was incredibly insecure and allowed herself to go all 'silly' while in contact with me. I knew she was feeling insecure so I just went along with it. I thought it was cute.

Now, it's easy to see how insecure people can get a gf/bf, but the bearing this has on the outcome of the relationship is obviously a very different case scenario.


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## Tau Sin (Sep 20, 2009)

A lot of the discussion about low self esteem can also be connected to being a nice guy. An aspect of being a mentally and emotionally healthy person is the ability to setup barriers amongst relationships and also the understanding of knowing when to walk away from a person (even if it means pain for the individual, after all sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind).

Now you have to understand that there is no end all be all answer to everything. But, for certain individuals (due to their past upbringing and other factors in the past) with low self esteem we find the converse is true. They lack a certain ability of self control, or possibly a misinterpretation of how and when the barriers used in healthy relationships should be put in place.

Example (from personal experience): An ex-girlfriend with a lot of trauma history (rape, poor self-image, child abuse, abandonment, etc) comes to you for help involving her marriage so you give it to her. You decide to help her but tell her up front that you want to keep the relationship as professional and platonic as possible, romance is out of the question. Overtime the distance you purposefully create between you two actually attracts her to you. Her marriage is on the rocks and feels that she has no control or say in her marriage and as a result of our platonic relationship acts upon her urges, but does not see them as inappropriate. Our relationship ends quick.

When I figure life out I'll be sure to let everyone know


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

You know its nice reading about the other S.A.ers that just 'happened' to find a girlfriend despite his S.A. or just 'happened' to find a girlfriend despite low-confidence etcetera .. or just 'happened' to find a woman on S.A.S. who lives near enough to be your girlfriend.

Things don't 'just happen' to me.

Reading those posts reminds me of an argument my Dad and I had. He knows I don't go anywhere on weekends so he wants me to always come fishing with him, he argues that getting out helps me meet people. He used the whole 'anything can happen' logic on me, and that really got me ticked off. In *4 years I have never met a girl on any of our fishing trips*. *Never, not once ! *


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Well do you have any better to do during that time period? If you end up sitting at home, chances are zero. If you go fishing with your dad, sure he's kind of a cock block, but the chances are far better of meeting someone.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

You can find yourself in a room filled with people and not meet anyone because it takes a consitant effort with two people but all you can control is your own will, so forget about the effort of the other person 

Fish ain't gonna land you the type of tail your looking for...


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> you can find yourself in a room filled with people and not meet anyone because it takes a consitant effort with two people but all you can control is your own will, so forget about the effort of the other person
> 
> *fish ain't gonna land you the type of tail your looking for*...


lol


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