# Deaf/Hard-of-hearing



## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

Thought I'd post this thread for the moment being especially for you to relate if you have this disability as well.* Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts on your experiences of being deaf/hard-of-hearing with SA*.

I was born deaf, and learnt to speak and attended mainstream school. Due a speech impediment, I received speech therapy over the years and one of the problems has always been my lack of confidence. I consider myself a fairly decent speaker now, only with an issue in pronunciation which has always affected my interaction with other people (misunderstandings in communication), which might have led to SA.

The other issue, the more significantly, is since being deaf myself, I've had to make myself quite clear to other people that I take communication very seriously, and not something that they seem to take for granted. I need to face them so that I can read their lips, but even they don't come off as willing enough in that I want to engage a conversation with them as well, and it in turn affected my SA for the worse.

It doesn't help that I'm naturally introverted, and so I prefer to be alone than to be with others. But, if I do must combat my SA, I have to get some exposure and actually speak to them regardless of my deafness and speech disorder. But my mentality as of now is being temptingly saying, "People suck." I figured I'll just have to deal with it, and continue finding a few others who are actually willing to see me for who I am and not "the deaf one".

If *you're deaf who signs rather than speak, or both,* you are also welcome to share your experiences here.


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## Ivy60 (Aug 16, 2013)

And I thought I was alone!
I have been laughed at for not being able to hear what people say and having to ask them to repeat it over and over again until finally I have to make up something to say. I think it's because I am so caught up with my anxiety.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

Ivy60 said:


> And I thought I was alone!
> I have been laughed at for not being able to hear what people say and having to ask them to repeat it over and over again until finally I have to make up something to say. I think it's because I am so caught up with my anxiety.


Been there, done that, I know. Do you ever communicate with a paper and a pen? I always resort to it.


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## MurrayJ (Sep 5, 2012)

I knew a girl who was deaf/hard-of-hearing but most of her friends were like that too, but they used sign language.


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## Claudia87 (Aug 19, 2013)

I'm not hard of hearing myself, but my father is and it's gotten so much worse as he's approaching 70 years old. I get so upset with people when I am out somewhere with him. People tend not to realize that he's hard of hearing, and I can see them immediately assume that he's being rude or he's a "grumpy old man". It breaks my heart. It gets me so upset that it even breaks my barrier of severe SA and makes me speak up and tell these people that he can't hear, speak up, and face him when you're talking to him so he can read your lips! But it makes me sad that I'm not always with him to explain that to these people, so they just come away from talking to him and think he was just some crotchety old man.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

I'm hard of hearing, though only the left ear that can be categorized as severely deaf. the hearing in the right ear is far better, so I'm still able to communicate well.

although our experiences aren't exactly the same. I've met Deaf people before, and all of them are deaf, their hearing losses are more severe than me. but I didn't notice, they looked normal, really, although yes, their speeches sounded a bit different. but I don't mind them, there must be people that think the same. do you know other people who are deaf too? you could hang out more often with them. being different is no fun so you should look for someone who's similar to you. being included in a group is fun and it can make you stronger and not feel alone. and they can offer you advices to face people. I bet they have also experienced what you're experiencing.

look for people who care, if you encounter bad people, let them be. mean people exists everywhere but if you find those who care about you, keep them. sadly, a lot of people don't understand what they don't experience, so... just keep being strong I guess. sorry I couldn't be more helpful. :/


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## GrumpyEnt (Aug 23, 2013)

I'm deaf. Until recently, I used hearing aids all my life, and used them very well. I had few friends and was often a bit lonely, but I had just enough friends to keep my sanity, and I did well in public school without any more of an accommodation than terrifically understanding teachers (schools are different now, sadly). I attended a large high school with a deaf program but only used sign interpreters and the social venue aspects of it. 

Now I have a CI, and I love it. It doesn't make me less deaf, but I'm about to get a second CI and I'm looking forward to that. I'm doing this for me, as an audio engineer and musician. I have very strong feelings about deaf rights and I'm quick to speak up about it - often bluntly. 

Oddly, I've been feeling increasingly, not decreasingly, socially anxious since getting my CI. I have not yet figured out why. I'm fluent in sign (not so fluent in ASL), have a few deaf/Deaf friends and a few hearing friends, and I should be getting more comfortable with being in either world - but I'm not. Which is why I went looking for a community like this one. :stu


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

MurrayJ said:


> I knew a girl who was deaf/hard-of-hearing but most of her friends were like that too, but they used sign language.


Do you still keep in touch with them?

Sign language is key to overcoming barriers in communication. I would've liked to learn it myself but I've grown too accustomed to the hearing world and I'm very much an oralist through and through. Got to carve a place out for myself somehow.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

Claudia87 said:


> I'm not hard of hearing myself, but my father is and it's gotten so much worse as he's approaching 70 years old. I get so upset with people when I am out somewhere with him. People tend not to realize that he's hard of hearing, and I can see them immediately assume that he's being rude or he's a "grumpy old man". It breaks my heart. It gets me so upset that it even breaks my barrier of severe SA and makes me speak up and tell these people that he can't hear, speak up, and face him when you're talking to him so he can read your lips! But it makes me sad that I'm not always with him to explain that to these people, so they just come away from talking to him and think he was just some crotchety old man.


That's respectable of you to make them stand corrected despite your SA. Your father doesn't wear hearing aids, does he? If not that's probably not very observant of them to think so. A lack of awareness is a shame for sure, but it can be done... it's all about exposure, much like with SA.

It takes me back to when my late grandfather became hard of hearing himself due to age, and he would always tell people to stand on a certain side so that he could hear them properly, and even I forgot sometimes. It's no wonder it's branded "an invisible disability" that doesn't sit at all well in verbal communication and instead, ironically enough, thrives on visual cues.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

louiselouisa said:


> I'm hard of hearing, though only the left ear that can be categorized as severely deaf. the hearing in the right ear is far better, so I'm still able to communicate well.
> 
> although our experiences aren't exactly the same. I've met Deaf people before, and all of them are deaf, their hearing losses are more severe than me. but I didn't notice, they looked normal, really, although yes, their speeches sounded a bit different. but I don't mind them, there must be people that think the same. do you know other people who are deaf too? you could hang out more often with them. being different is no fun so you should look for someone who's similar to you. being included in a group is fun and it can make you stronger and not feel alone. and they can offer you advices to face people. I bet they have also experienced what you're experiencing.
> 
> look for people who care, if you encounter bad people, let them be. mean people exists everywhere but if you find those who care about you, keep them. sadly, a lot of people don't understand what they don't experience, so... just keep being strong I guess. sorry I couldn't be more helpful. :/


What they all share, I included - that would be called "a deaf accent". It happens because the concept of sound and phonics don't come at all naturally, particularly if we suffered from a hearing loss from an very early age where language development is crucial.

I did have the chance to meet a deaf community before, but I felt I didn't really belong to it to begin with. My mainstream upbringing has made my progress larger to an extent that I'll keep doing what it takes to face the world. Ideally, the person who will understand doesn't necessarily have to be deaf - but rather one who considers communication as essential regardless of what it takes. As you rightly point out, it's the experience that they must know in order to understand, and people are just people - simply pick the good from the bad.

Thank you for your advice, it's good to know there are people on here who can relate to hearing loss.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

GrumpyEnt said:


> I'm deaf. Until recently, I used hearing aids all my life, and used them very well. I had few friends and was often a bit lonely, but I had just enough friends to keep my sanity, and I did well in public school without any more of an accommodation than terrifically understanding teachers (schools are different now, sadly). I attended a large high school with a deaf program but only used sign interpreters and the social venue aspects of it.
> 
> Now I have a CI, and I love it. It doesn't make me less deaf, but I'm about to get a second CI and I'm looking forward to that. I'm doing this for me, as an audio engineer and musician. I have very strong feelings about deaf rights and I'm quick to speak up about it - often bluntly.
> 
> Oddly, I've been feeling increasingly, not decreasingly, socially anxious since getting my CI. I have not yet figured out why. I'm fluent in sign (not so fluent in ASL), have a few deaf/Deaf friends and a few hearing friends, and I should be getting more comfortable with being in either world - but I'm not. Which is why I went looking for a community like this one. :stu


Thanks for sharing this with me. I'm glad your CI is working out nicely for you. I was advised against them and opted for hearing aids instead as they were enough to equip me knowing how capable I would be to speak and adjust to the environment. Curiously, is the CI performing any different from the hearing aid?

Audio engineer and musician... I've heard of the deaf becoming audiologists and even surgeons. Technology is indeed amazing to make it all possible. But yes, of course you feel inclined to do something about your SA. Is it because your CI has enabled you to be more conscious of sound, and hence how you sound? I understand the pressure of fitting into either world. My SA has mostly to do with how I interact with other people - it's only a problem when I remind them I've got to catch up to them, yet they seem to forget it. It's easy to make an effort and then waste it. I've got to change this mentality and keep going. You know, what you should be looking for is the right company... hopefully we can make it here.

Hope it all goes well, getting your second CI!


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

sylbea said:


> What they all share, I included - that would be called "a deaf accent". It happens because the concept of sound and phonics don't come at all naturally, particularly if we suffered from a hearing loss from an very early age where language development is crucial.
> 
> I did have the chance to meet a deaf community before, but I felt I didn't really belong to it to begin with. My mainstream upbringing has made my progress larger to an extent that I'll keep doing what it takes to face the world. Ideally, the person who will understand doesn't necessarily have to be deaf - but rather one who considers communication as essential regardless of what it takes. As you rightly point out, it's the experience that they must know in order to understand, and people are just people - simply pick the good from the bad.
> 
> Thank you for your advice, it's good to know there are people on here who can relate to hearing loss.


yeah, hearing aids sound different and my deaf ear also sounds different. I'm guessing that's what you hear all the time. btw, I wonder about this deaf accent, do you really feel you have it or is it just what people told you?

you don't need to exclusively belong to one group. at the gathering I attended before, there were some people who exclusively befriended deaf people and some others blended well with the mainstream. people I talked to went to mainstream schools. I mean, you could learn from them how they overcome their struggles and how to cope when hearing people seem to be uncooperative, they must have known better than me and plus, you could rant about hearing people without being lectured. some hearing people probably don't take their conversations well either, but there are hearing people who understand. btw, I didn't feel like I belonged to the group either though but that's because of my lack of self esteem since all of them looked really confident :blank


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## Ramondo (Feb 16, 2011)

Claudia87 said:


> I'm not hard of hearing myself, but my father is and it's gotten so much worse as he's approaching 70 years old. I get so upset with people when I am out somewhere with him. People tend not to realize that he's hard of hearing, and I can see them immediately assume that he's being rude or he's a "grumpy old man". It breaks my heart. It gets me so upset that it even breaks my barrier of severe SA and makes me speak up and tell these people that he can't hear, speak up, and face him when you're talking to him so he can read your lips! But it makes me sad that I'm not always with him to explain that to these people, so they just come away from talking to him and think he was just some crotchety old man.


No disrespect to you father, but sometimes it's hard to become accustomed to slow onset of deafness. Instead of you having to stick up for him, he needs to be willing to say something like "Sorry, I'm a bit deaf. Could you speak more clearly/louder for me?" I have the same problem, and of course, people won't know you're deaf unless you tell them. Of course, they all forget ...


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

louiselouisa said:


> yeah, hearing aids sound different and my deaf ear also sounds different. I'm guessing that's what you hear all the time. btw, I wonder about this deaf accent, do you really feel you have it or is it just what people told you?
> 
> you don't need to exclusively belong to one group. at the gathering I attended before, there were some people who exclusively befriended deaf people and some others blended well with the mainstream. people I talked to went to mainstream schools. I mean, you could learn from them how they overcome their struggles and how to cope when hearing people seem to be uncooperative, they must have known better than me and plus, you could rant about hearing people without being lectured. some hearing people probably don't take their conversations well either, but there are hearing people who understand. btw, I didn't feel like I belonged to the group either though but that's because of my lack of self esteem since all of them looked really confident :blank


I've always known to sound different from others despite having intensive speech therapy. The fact that I needed a speech therapist just reinforces that fact, doesn't it?

Yes, there are all kinds of invididuals who have in common a hearing loss and the challenges that come with it. Honestly, what matters is the right personality. Right attitude, even. I can't possibly complain about how I had no choice but to speak when learning to sign would have been more useful in getting to know the deaf better. Utilise both to get the best of both worlds, and to do that confidence is a must-have, something that seems to elude us. How did you come to have SA, and was it any way affected by being hard-of-hearing?


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

Ramondo said:


> No disrespect to you father, but sometimes it's hard to become accustomed to slow onset of deafness. Instead of you having to stick up for him, he needs to be willing to say something like "Sorry, I'm a bit deaf. Could you speak more clearly/louder for me?" I have the same problem, and of course, people won't know you're deaf unless you tell them. Of course, they all forget ...


I see your point here. But what if he forgets that he's actually deaf himself?


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

sylbea said:


> I've always known to sound different from others despite having intensive speech therapy. The fact that I needed a speech therapist just reinforces that fact, doesn't it?
> 
> Yes, there are all kinds of invididuals who have in common a hearing loss and the challenges that come with it. Honestly, what matters is the right personality. Right attitude, even. I can't possibly complain about how I had no choice but to speak when learning to sign would have been more useful in getting to know the deaf better. Utilise both to get the best of both worlds, and to do that confidence is a must-have, something that seems to elude us. How did you come to have SA, and was it any way affected by being hard-of-hearing?


maybe consider getting a CI, or a more powerful HA? people I met who spoke better wore a CI.

I've always been shy and fear being criticized, I used to be teased since due to my hearing loss, I was slow at responding and they thought it was funny how they called me and I didn't respond and that I couldn't hear perfectly. but not only that, I was always a timid person so they liked to pick on me since I didn't fight back. but now though, I'm not really ashamed of my hearing loss, it's just I can't trust strangers easily and I'm still prone to critics. but I don't have a job yet, I assume in the workplace people will expect me to hear better.


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## GrumpyEnt (Aug 23, 2013)

sylbea said:


> Thanks for sharing this with me. I'm glad your CI is working out nicely for you. I was advised against them and opted for hearing aids instead as they were enough to equip me knowing how capable I would be to speak and adjust to the environment. Curiously, is the CI performing any different from the hearing aid?


CIs and hearing aids are very different things. Hearing aids amplify and now they often transpose frequencies to fit within the range of your hearing loss. Cochlear implants directly stimulate a functioning auditory nerve, making your deafness almost irrelevant (but not cured). With a hearing aid, most people with severe to profound losses do not have the full frequency spectrum (total loss in the high frequencies is common). With an implant, you have complete access to most of the normal spectrum of human hearing (perhaps only missing the highest and lowest extremes, most of which are not used for either speech or music anyway).

I have an Advanced Bionics implant. I don't believe I would be this satisfied with any other brand, because I understand how these things work on a technical level and no matter how common it is for people to say that there is no major difference between brands, in fact there are differences. There are satisfied patients with all brands, though, so all I can honestly say is that I made the right choice for me for various reasons.



sylbea said:


> Audio engineer and musician... I've heard of the deaf becoming audiologists and even surgeons. Technology is indeed amazing to make it all possible. But yes, of course you feel inclined to do something about your SA. Is it because your CI has enabled you to be more conscious of sound, and hence how you sound? I understand the pressure of fitting into either world. My SA has mostly to do with how I interact with other people - it's only a problem when I remind them I've got to catch up to them, yet they seem to forget it. It's easy to make an effort and then waste it. I've got to change this mentality and keep going. You know, what you should be looking for is the right company... hopefully we can make it here.


It's very possible that because I'm now being exposed to more input than hearing aids ever gave me, I'm more susceptible to SA than I ever was. However, I've never been self-conscious about how I sound.

I agree that hearing people are often impatient and forgetful about hearing loss in general, which is not good for anyone because most people suffer some kind of hearing loss at some point in life.

And yeah, the company you keep matters. As I've been reminding myself a lot lately, those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.



sylbea said:


> Hope it all goes well, getting your second CI!


Thank you! I will always be deaf - that's who and what I am - but I'm excited about this.


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## Ramondo (Feb 16, 2011)

sylbea said:


> I see your point here. But what if he forgets that he's actually deaf himself?


He will get used to remembering that he is deaf if he is going to continue conversing with people. When you start answering yes or no completely inappropriately because you haven't heard the question, you will soon learn that people _*need*_ to know this vital fact. I know that there's often an element of denial when any sort of disability starts to set in. But there's no need for him to be ashamed of it.

PS: You can get lapel buttons that say stuff like "I'm a little deaf. Please speak clearly". I've never worn one yet, but they can be useful at parties or places where it would be annoying to have to keep repeating it.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

louiselouisa said:


> maybe consider getting a CI, or a more powerful HA? people I met who spoke better wore a CI.
> 
> I've always been shy and fear being criticized, I used to be teased since due to my hearing loss, I was slow at responding and they thought it was funny how they called me and I didn't respond and that I couldn't hear perfectly. but not only that, I was always a timid person so they liked to pick on me since I didn't fight back. but now though, I'm not really ashamed of my hearing loss, it's just I can't trust strangers easily and I'm still prone to critics. but I don't have a job yet, I assume in the workplace people will expect me to hear better.


Your experiences easily resonate with mine - being timid, distrustful and not knowing how to approach the issue. That's the hard thing about finding employment - discrimination, and the deal with ableism.

I once worked as a dental assistant, and truth be told, my SA far outweighed my disability in the way that I could not adjust to the frenetic environment, of interacting with patients and assisting the dentist myself. Even though I resigned a few months after, it was a lesson I came to appreciate, and for that I am able to have a better idea of what I can do instead. The key is to play to your strength, and make that clear in your career. You can choose or adjust to the environment yourself regardless of your SA or hearing loss. It's a matter of courage and perseverance for anyone.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

GrumpyEnt said:


> CIs and hearing aids are very different things. Hearing aids amplify and now they often transpose frequencies to fit within the range of your hearing loss. Cochlear implants directly stimulate a functioning auditory nerve, making your deafness almost irrelevant (but not cured). With a hearing aid, most people with severe to profound losses do not have the full frequency spectrum (total loss in the high frequencies is common). With an implant, you have complete access to most of the normal spectrum of human hearing (perhaps only missing the highest and lowest extremes, most of which are not used for either speech or music anyway).
> 
> I have an Advanced Bionics implant. I don't believe I would be this satisfied with any other brand, because I understand how these things work on a technical level and no matter how common it is for people to say that there is no major difference between brands, in fact there are differences. There are satisfied patients with all brands, though, so all I can honestly say is that I made the right choice for me for various reasons.
> 
> ...


I can see how powerful they are and that can really make a difference in your life. My hearing loss ranges from severe to profound, but at a young age, I did not recall my audiologists suggesting I opt for CIs as my speaking skills demonstrated that I would get by fine with hearing aids. I first used Siemens, and now I'm using Phonak. As top notch quality these brands have proved to be, the attitude is what's most important in what to make of this disability. The fact that you're taking it well tells me you really appreciate it, and that's a very good thing indeed for the technology.

I've got to make do with what I have now. My speech still needs improvement but instead of wondering what it would be like if I got a CI, I have to get more exposure in the hearing world. It would help sustain my SA too. If sound isn't your concern, how do you deal with your SA knowing full well you are deaf?

I wonder if you sign. Perhaps the reason I don't identify enough with the pride of being deaf is that I was raised into the mainstream and accepted myself for what I was, simply an oralist as opposed to Deaf.


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## sylbea (Aug 15, 2013)

Ramondo said:


> He will get used to remembering that he is deaf if he is going to continue conversing with people. When you start answering yes or no completely inappropriately because you haven't heard the question, you will soon learn that people _*need*_ to know this vital fact. I know that there's often an element of denial when any sort of disability starts to set in. But there's no need for him to be ashamed of it.
> 
> PS: You can get lapel buttons that say stuff like "I'm a little deaf. Please speak clearly". I've never worn one yet, but they can be useful at parties or places where it would be annoying to have to keep repeating it.


Noted. It's interesting to see how such a vital sense as hearing can be taken for granted, as with the others.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

sylbea said:


> Your experiences easily resonate with mine - being timid, distrustful and not knowing how to approach the issue. That's the hard thing about finding employment - discrimination, and the deal with ableism.
> 
> I once worked as a dental assistant, and truth be told, my SA far outweighed my disability in the way that I could not adjust to the frenetic environment, of interacting with patients and assisting the dentist myself. Even though I resigned a few months after, it was a lesson I came to appreciate, and for that I am able to have a better idea of what I can do instead. The key is to play to your strength, and make that clear in your career. You can choose or adjust to the environment yourself regardless of your SA or hearing loss. It's a matter of courage and perseverance for anyone.


haha yeah, I think I'm like this because I'm socially anxious and distrustful instead of because of my hearing loss. I hope more people will understand your condition better though, since it's not obvious you have it, you gotta tell them (but I guess people would know if you have a deaf accent.).


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## Riddles (Aug 29, 2013)

left ear almost no hearing right not bad but some tones I do not hear at all. It has gotten worst over the last few years and I do assume I will be deaf at some point so I watch peoples lips and have for a long time to help make the transition if it happens signing is something I would vary much like to no regardless


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## tony420 (Jul 27, 2013)

**** i had a co worker scream at me to plug his **** in cause i accidently unplugged it and i was like what? cant really ****in hear u its noisey as ****

hes a real arrogant piece of **** though so **** him


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## GrumpyEnt (Aug 23, 2013)

sylbea said:


> I can see how powerful they are and that can really make a difference in your life. My hearing loss ranges from severe to profound, but at a young age, I did not recall my audiologists suggesting I opt for CIs as my speaking skills demonstrated that I would get by fine with hearing aids.


Actually, if you technically qualify for a CI, it is entirely your choice (well, assuming you have insurance that will pay for it. Fortunately, many insurance plans do). The entire spectrum of motivation exists. There are many people who are "think hearing" (physically deaf but have no interest in cultural deafness or sign language) who just want to hear again. There are many proudly deaf people with CIs who have them for their own reasons, not the least of which is curiosity. There are people like me who accept deafness as an integral part of their lives but wish to hear for personal or professional reasons (and for me, the geek factor of implants plays no small part. I understand how the tech works and it's fascinating *Spock eyebrow*). The bottom line is that it's your life and only you can decide how to live it.



sylbea said:


> I first used Siemens, and now I'm using Phonak. As top notch quality these brands have proved to be, the attitude is what's most important in what to make of this disability. The fact that you're taking it well tells me you really appreciate it, and that's a very good thing indeed for the technology.


Attitude is everything. 



sylbea said:


> I've got to make do with what I have now. My speech still needs improvement but instead of wondering what it would be like if I got a CI, I have to get more exposure in the hearing world. It would help sustain my SA too. If sound isn't your concern, how do you deal with your SA knowing full well you are deaf?


Actually, sound is very much my concern. The quality of what I hear with my implants makes or breaks the entire implant deal for me. If music sounds like crap, I have little motivation to use implants. So far, it's very much making it. What I don't care about is how I sound to other people. That's kind of moot, because with either hearing aids or implants, I've never really sounded deaf. But even if I did, so what?

I sing, and I don't want to sound "deaf" when I do, but I was able to improve to the point where sounding deaf while singing is now not my most pressing issue.



sylbea said:


> I wonder if you sign. Perhaps the reason I don't identify enough with the pride of being deaf is that I was raised into the mainstream and accepted myself for what I was, simply an oralist as opposed to Deaf.


I have signed since high school. My hearing girlfriend knows sign and is always self-motivated to improve. Even though she technically does not need to sign to me while I'm using my CI, I asked that she continue to do so because I'm still deaf and it's important for her to keep up her skill in sign language for all those times I'm not wearing a CI. She required NO persuasion here. She's a total sweetheart. I think I'll keep her. 

As far as deaf pride goes, well, only you can decide if that's important to you. But I'm pretty sure I can safely encourage you to go forward in pursuing your dreams and taking pride in your accomplishments. Take pride in them not despite being deaf, but _because_ you're deaf.


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