# Well, dorm life just started...



## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

I've moved into my dorm and it's my second day at college. I've been more or less friendly with ppl on my floor and in my hall, gotten to know some of them. However, I've realized that the typical college party life isn't for me. I don't like long conversations with people because I'm illiterate when it comes to anything that isn't heavy metal. And what percentage of ppl here are into that stuff? Close to nil. The only person I know who is, is in a completely different residence hall and I'm not about to trek over there just to talk to him, since he's probably busy making new friends and isn't too eager to chat with boring old me about metal.

Therefore, I've resigned myself to my dorm room. I listen to music, sit at the computer. People are out partying since these three or four days before classes start are basically free time. Frankly, I don't want any part in that life. I always feel awkward at parties because I never know what song is playing, and I never know what the hell to talk to people about. The only place I really feel alive is at a metal concert. Not a friggin frat party.

I have close to nothing in common with my roommate. I've pretty much exhausted the only topic of conversation that I could - that being the fact that both of us took music lessons at some point. He also probably thinks that I'm a huge loser, since whenever he comes into the room I'm always there, sitting at my laptop, earphones over my ears.

I realize this may just be a temporary thing, but I miss my family and my brothers A LOT. I never realized how close we were until now. Chatting with them on google talk hurts so much, because I know that I'm trapped here among strangers and they're at home. However, I guess that not keeping in contact would hurt even more.

I can't wait for classes to start. Then I'll have an excuse to be in my room all day. Or better yet, the library. Maybe devoting time to my studies will make things better. I guess I won't mind class discussions that much, since I'm assuming most of us will be fairly new to the material and will be on more or less the same level of knowledge. I'm also going to try to get a part-time job which lets me work on the weekends, to keep me busy.

I'm not a misanthrope, I just never have anything to talk about with most people. I missed out on a lot of popular culture while I was growing up, and now I feel like it's too late to catch up. And I don't mind. In fact, I'd never give up my metal for anything. I just wish that people would be more accepting/understanding of the fact and not label me as 'weird' or an 'outcast' because I'm not up to par with what's going on in their world.

Just my little rant. I didn't premeditate or organize it at all, so thanks if you took the time to read it.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Believe it or not, I actually envy you a little right now. Three years ago I was in the same position you were, moved into a dorm with a roomate I had very little in common with (and whose boyfriend was over all the time but thats another story), not talking to anyone really and nervous as hell.

But the two years I lived in the dorms were had some of the best and most interesting times of my life. Sure there were some bad times but it was a real worthwhile experience in the end I wouldn't trade. 

I think the part time job is a good idea, but I would try and get used to the college schedule and such before then. Also Try and memorize your roomate's schedule so you know when you can have some time to yourself in the room.


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

I'm really afraid of going to lunch/dinner alone, since most people eat in the crowded dining hall(s), and sitting by myself causes anxiety levels to skyrocket, because I feel like everyone is watching me. So I called up a high school friend today and managed to tag along with him and a massive group of other people I didn't know. I introduced myself, but other than that didn't talk at all. Just sat there and gobbled down my lunch, then left without saying a word to anybody. At least it was better than eating alone, or sitting in my dorm room and starving.

A good thing did come out of it though: on my way into the dining hall, I met a metalhead. What are the odds? We talked a bit about bands we liked, instruments we played. Plan to go to some concerts together, as well as perhaps start up a band. As I expected, conversation was easy and effortless.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Lots of people eat lunch alone in college, unlike high school.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

solasum said:


> Lots of people eat lunch alone in college, unlike high school.


That is a ****ing lie-maybe if you're at a big *** university, not if you're at a college with a couple thousand students-everyone knows each other, sits with each other, etc


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

Hang in there. You don't need to know popular culture or whatever to talk to people. People are people. I defiently know how it feels to not be able to talk to people. I was also alot like you someone who was really into music felt because I didn't share the same interests as other people (I don't watch sports, watch much tv, or keep up on popular culture) what could we ever talk about. But conversations and friendships are more complicated and deeper then I like thing A and so do you. You can connect with them based on their personality, sense of humor, or you just click for whatever reason. Don't rush it either being able to strike up a conversation and connect with people is a skill that takes practice. You have to just put your self out there and gain that experience sometimes. Im sure that metalhead would love to hangout with you too. And if your saying he is making friends why can't a metalhead like you do it too? Also trying to remove yourself from the social scene as much as possible by working or studying all the time is a bad idea. Its just a way to run away from your problems and doesn't solve anything. Are you on medication or receiving therapy for your anxiety because they could give you the help you need. Therapy helped me alot also. Im now alot better at conversing and have actually made more friends this summer in addition to the old ones. Im confident I'll make friends in college too and can't wait to go to my first college party. Which are two things I thought I would never say. It is possible.


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

It's not really 'running away from my problems' considering the fact that I don't like college parties at all. I have no interest in getting wasted or getting laid every night. In fact, I am against premarital sex. Kinda weird, I know, since usually you only hear that kind of stuff from women. But not all males are sex fiends.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

You will have time to build relationships with others. It is still quite early. Do not close the possibility of getting to know people that do not like metal.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

wombat666 said:


> It's not really 'running away from my problems' considering the fact that I don't like college parties at all. I have no interest in getting wasted or getting laid every night. In fact, I am against premarital sex. Kinda weird, I know, since usually you only hear that kind of stuff from women. But not all males are sex fiends.


Partying is not the only thing you can do at college to be social. You can just hangout with people or get involved with a club or some other activity.


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## Snow Bunny (Jan 28, 2009)

Sounds exactly like me last year *hugs* 
I've lived for 19 years and that first week was the worst week of my life. Try not to spend all your time in your room, I did that. Once you start doing that it's hard to break out of and just makes you painfully lonely. (I'm speaking from experience)
I'm in a shared house this year with 5 other people I don't know, and shared bathrooms so I HAVE to leave my room. Shoot me now. But I believe it's the right thing to do to move forward.
I also hate the whole wild parties/getting wasted/laid/clubbing etc. thing too. I think I'm just gonna tell everyone that from the get-go this year.
Anyway good luck, I wish someone like you were at my college.


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## Nkiruka (Aug 30, 2009)

wombat666 said:


> ...I don't like college parties at all. I have no interest in getting wasted or getting laid every night. In fact, I am against premarital sex. Kinda weird, I know, since usually you only hear that kind of stuff from women.


Weird? More like encouraging and admirable. =)
Anyway, does your dorm have a lounge where people hang out? If so, try using your laptop there, that way you can get to know your dormmates (and vice versa). At the very least, you'll be out of your room (if that's your goal). 
Have your classes started yet? And milleniumman75's advice is dead on =)


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

letitrock said:


> That is a ****ing lie-maybe if you're at a big *** university, not if you're at a college with a couple thousand students-everyone knows each other, sits with each other, etc


Good thing I go to a large university then.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

letitrock said:


> That is a ****ing lie-maybe if you're at a big *** university, not if you're at a college with a couple thousand students-everyone knows each other, sits with each other, etc





solasum said:


> Good thing I go to a large university then.


One reason I love being at a big university indeed.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

> That is a ****ing lie-maybe if you're at a big *** university, not if you're at a college with a couple thousand students-everyone knows each other, sits with each other, etc


I go to a CC, which is small, technically if your school is real small you won't even have a lunch room to begin with, its just a take your classes and get out kind of place. But on our library trips in english I can see what you mean, you go there, everyone sits at one of the dozen round tables with 3 other people they have only know for a few days but act like they have been neighbors for years, and then you sit at a table all alone in the back.

Trust me you really stick out like that, aside from me there was one other girl who had a table all by herself, me sitting in the farthest area could see every other table, and the one with the lone girl stuck out like a sore thumb, I can only imagine I looked the same way also.


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

Well, today started off pretty bad because I had to go to another one of those 'get-to-know-each-other' things, in which we walked around the city (I'm not going to name the city, for privacy's sake). I talked with people a little bit, but after a while I just... stopped.

However, when I got back, I met up with a couple high school friends. We checked out each others' dorm rooms, met some new people along the way. My SA wasn't so bad because I was with people I had known for a while, and was comfortable with. We got dinner (didn't have to worry about eating alone this time lol), then headed over to the gym and played two pretty intense games of basketball. Playing with other people who I didn't know and who were better than me (I had barely played since middle school) threatened to shoot my SA levels way up, but I just focused on the game. Turns out I'm actually as good a shooter as most of them, and actually faster than most, thanks to my previous experience playing soccer. Afterwards, I felt great. I mean, braving through something you really don't want to do and coming out of it in one piece just boosts your confidence SO much.

When I got back to my dorm room, my roommate was there with a pretty cute girl. When he left to make a phone call, she stayed and we struck up conversation. I thought I would get nervous and turn into a mute. But for some reason, I didn't. We had a conversation for, I'd say, 15 whole minutes without any awkward pauses. I thought I would run out of stuff to talk about like I usually do, but all went really well.

Classes start tomorrow. I guess I won't be forced to socialize as much anymore.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's awesome :boogie :boogie :boogie


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## ManOnTheMOON (Aug 14, 2009)

find people at your dorm who have the same classes as you and try and work together on tests and stuff, its easy to make friends that way.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

wombat666 said:


> Well, today started off pretty bad because I had to go to another one of those 'get-to-know-each-other' things, in which we walked around the city (I'm not going to name the city, for privacy's sake). I talked with people a little bit, but after a while I just... stopped.
> 
> However, when I got back, I met up with a couple high school friends. We checked out each others' dorm rooms, met some new people along the way. My SA wasn't so bad because I was with people I had known for a while, and was comfortable with. We got dinner (didn't have to worry about eating alone this time lol), then headed over to the gym and played two pretty intense games of basketball. Playing with other people who I didn't know and who were better than me (I had barely played since middle school) threatened to shoot my SA levels way up, but I just focused on the game. Turns out I'm actually as good a shooter as most of them, and actually faster than most, thanks to my previous experience playing soccer. Afterwards, I felt great. I mean, braving through something you really don't want to do and coming out of it in one piece just boosts your confidence SO much.
> 
> ...


That's awesome :clap.


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

wombat666 said:


> I'm not a misanthrope, I just never have anything to talk about with most people. I missed out on a lot of popular culture while I was growing up, and now I feel like it's too late to catch up. And I don't mind. In fact, I'd never give up my metal for anything. I just wish that people would be more accepting/understanding of the fact and not label me as 'weird' or an 'outcast' because I'm not up to par with what's going on in their world.


I'm the same way. I rarely know what's going on when people talk about their favorite singers, and I don't watch much TV. I find it hard to relate to people in general, of any age.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I spent 5 years at college and didn't meet a single person, so you're doing okay I'd say.

You don't need a million friends, just one or two that you can count on, which it sounds like you might have already found in the other metalhead \m/


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## rctriplefresh5 (Aug 24, 2009)

quietgal said:


> I'm the same way. I rarely know what's going on when people talk about their favorite singers, and I don't watch much TV. I find it hard to relate to people in general, of any age.


yeah same here although i watch a good bit of tv. where in nj are you from?


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

Well things have been going quite well. First of all, I've come across a lot of my old high school friends. We've been hanging out quite a bit - running, lifting, basketball, or just chilling in the dorms. I've also met a lot of new people in my dorm/floor simply by leaving my door open while practicing guitar. A lot of people came in and introduced themselves.

I also become acquainted with many other people simply by wearing a band shirt. Several people complimented me on my taste in music and we struck up conversation from there.

There was also an attractive girl who I noticed was looking at me a lot, so I mustered up the courage to walk up and introduce myself. I invited her to visit my dorm sometime and sure enough, the next day she comes by. We chatted and played music for ~3 hours. All was good.

On a less positive note, the job I was applying for is apparently full for the semester. I guess in the long run, that will force me to get out and socialize more instead of hiding behind my campus job.


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## TheExplosionist (Apr 13, 2009)

This thread reminds me of my time at university staying in a hall of residence.
It was like being in prison, I never spoke to anyone and I was half starved.
I failed all my exams unsurprisingly. Easily the worst time of my life, it makes me shudder.

wombat666 is doing very well, at least compared to me


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

So this girl and I are totally hitting it off, I can tell. I'm kind of nervous though because I don't know where this is going to lead. I don't have much experience dealing with women. Never been in any kind of relationship. I took two girls to prom (not at the same time of course), but that's about it.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

wombat666 said:


> Well things have been going quite well. First of all, I've come across a lot of my old high school friends. We've been hanging out quite a bit - running, lifting, basketball, or just chilling in the dorms. I've also met a lot of new people in my dorm/floor simply by leaving my door open while practicing guitar. A lot of people came in and introduced themselves.
> 
> I also become acquainted with many other people simply by wearing a band shirt. Several people complimented me on my taste in music and we struck up conversation from there.
> 
> ...


It sounds like things are going really well:boogie. As for what to do with the girl it looks like she is into you. I dont have a ton of experience either but I would keep hanging out and let things progress naturally. After a couple times I would ask her out .


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## wombat666 (Aug 23, 2009)

Thanks for the advice, Catching Fire. I guess we kind of went on an 'unspoken date' on Thursday night. We went to the rec center, shared a smoothie, then found an out-of-tune upright piano in the community center and just spent the rest of the night listening to each other play music. It was pretty chill but I'm surprised my anxiety didn't skyrocket.

I've also been kind of forcing myself to get out there and do stuff instead of remaining cooped up in my dorm all night. Been doing some lifting/running in the mornings, the occasional basketball game or pickup soccer game. Joined an on-campus running club and went to a home soccer game yesterday.

Since the semester started my cell phone has also been a lot more active. During the summer it was barely ever on, but now I find that people are actually calling ME and not vice versa. It's a great feeling. 

For some reason, I've found that nothing breeds SA better than being alone. If I'm alone for a prolonged period of time and then someone randomly starts talking to me, I'm usually completely at a loss for words and say the most awkward things. However, if I'm already in the conversational 'groove', so to speak, things to much better.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

TheExplosionist said:


> This thread reminds me of my time at university staying in a hall of residence.
> It was like being in prison, I never spoke to anyone and I was half starved.
> I failed all my exams unsurprisingly. Easily the worst time of my life, it makes me shudder.
> 
> wombat666 is doing very well, at least compared to me


I had a similar experience, and I agree, wombat you are doing really well!


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

wombat666 said:


> Thanks for the advice, Catching Fire. I guess we kind of went on an 'unspoken date' on Thursday night. We went to the rec center, shared a smoothie, then found an out-of-tune upright piano in the community center and just spent the rest of the night listening to each other play music. It was pretty chill but I'm surprised my anxiety didn't skyrocket.
> 
> I've also been kind of forcing myself to get out there and do stuff instead of remaining cooped up in my dorm all night. Been doing some lifting/running in the mornings, the occasional basketball game or pickup soccer game. Joined an on-campus running club and went to a home soccer game yesterday.
> 
> ...


I defiently think your right about being alone making anxiety go up. I defiently saw my anxiety go up the past two weeks because there was no one to hang out with because everyone was at college.


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