# excuses you use to get out of doing things with friends....



## sara01 (Feb 4, 2010)

I have too much homework, 
my dog is sick...the new one was that my dog at a whole chicken(which was true) and we had to watch him to see if the bones would cause him problems...this excuse got me out of going to the bars! 
I'm not feeling well...
Or I just don't pick up the phone. 

I need some more good excuses. But I think maybe it's time I start just telling people no, instead of putting so much effort in to finding new and creative excuses?


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## Al Michaels (Feb 17, 2010)

I have to wash my hair.


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## ConfirmedConfusion (Jul 25, 2009)

I don't actually need excuses given I don't asked.


Ah that was ridiculously self absorbed wasn't it... My apologies.


The best excuses are always specific and detailed. The more detail there is the more genuine and believable/acceptable they are. Discourages people from the dreaded series of 'Why?' questions.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I had tons of excuses now no one calls or cares anymore. 

My suggestion is to stop now and just start making excuses to go out otherwise eventually no one will call. Then when you do want to do something they won't be there.


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## ConfirmedConfusion (Jul 25, 2009)

I agree with above post! Way too true!


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## sara01 (Feb 4, 2010)

yeah, it's already starting to happen, where people just aren't calling anymore. I mean I could call them and get back in now, but in a few months...I think I'm just hurting their feelings too much. But it is so hard to call. I'm just scared, that's the bottom line.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

You definitely don't want to get to the point where your friends stop calling. I am at this point, and it sucks having to call people to hang out, it makes me feel needy. Also my friends are starting to get mad I don't socialize with them, causing the friendship to suffer. And we all know that we value relationships as a whole more than other people... I guess when you have super social friends, it would be hard to explain why you are not wanting to go out. 

But....
Is it that you have fallen out of favor with them? Is it that you want to do these things with your friends but can't due to fear or anxiety? Or is it you rather stay home because you enjoy staying home?

If its SA related, you should really try to challenge yourself to try to do things with friends, socialize at least 2 days a week. Maybe you can make plans with your friends to do things your comfortable with?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I have been at the point where friends stopped bothering inving me out. My excuses ranged from "I'm sick", to "I am out of town" and the odd "my car broke down". They caught on as my excuses became more and more outlandish and ridiculous though.

Luckily when I tild them about my SA they seemed to forgive me which was lucky but I was really playing with fire with how much I lied to them and I certainly would not have blamed them for banishing me altogether.

I am more or less past that stage in my life now though however I still use the odd excuse when I am not feeling like I can face my fears.


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## Smokin87 (Feb 28, 2010)

sara01 said:


> yeah, it's already starting to happen, where people just aren't calling anymore. I mean I could call them and get back in now, but in a few months...I think I'm just hurting their feelings too much. But it is so hard to call. I'm just scared, that's the bottom line.


Do you believe that your friends, who may not know about your SA, think that you have a problem with them?

I think a lot of do people do mistake my absolute shyness for ignorance or even elitism. I think it bothers them that I'm not outgoing like everyone else they associate with.


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## sara01 (Feb 4, 2010)

They may be starting to think that. I'm definitely worried they are talking about me behind my back. Although, this is probably just in my head. I have a rule about talking about other people negatively when they aren't there, and all my friends are really careful around me, so hopefully they don't have much against me? 
sigh....maybe I should just tell them about my anxiety and quit putting on such an exhausting act...seriously I could be an amazing actress. Sometimes I think that stuff is so noticeable, and other times it's all in my head. But it is still torture when it's just in my head. 
Should I tell them? hmm....i gotta think about this, if it would make it better or worse


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

No one asks me to go anywhere anymore. My excuse would be that I'm not feeling good or that I'm going to be busy with helping my parents with something. Or that I have to do chores.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Honestly, if they are good close friends, tell them. Let them know what is troubling you and I am sure they will be fine with it. You can't really expect them to understand but I think if they can at least acceot what you are going through and how it is really a problem for you then it could really ease the pressure on your shoulders. 

I really do not think you have anything to lose from telling them. Continuing with excuses and lies can only make things worse.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

It's strange, but it's never occurred to me to lie about not wanting to go out. Do you find yourself lying a lot in general (or compulsively) due to social anxiety?


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## mikek1121 (Jan 28, 2010)

I'd have to agree with Ospi. Good friends will understand. I never used to make excuses, I just always said "No thanks." And i could tell i was sort of slowly hurting them. But now they know, and they don't call me as much which is ok. I think they are waiting for me to get better, and when im ready ill call them instead.

Maybe your friends might be similar. i dunno.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Since you have moved recently, there should be less pressure from old friends. It could be time to set a precedent with the new people you meet. Experiment to see how they respond.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Sarah, at the end of the night, after you do go out with your friends, are you usually satisfied with how the night went? Do you usually have fun with your friends and have the self satisfaction of doing something social, in spite of your SA? I guess what I mean to say is that I blow off my friends but, when I don't, I always feel better about myself and usually have fun and I'm wondering if it's the same for you. Every time I am tempted to blow off my friends I try to remind myself that, at the end of the night, I won't regret going out and though it doesn't always get me out it helps.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I think a lot of people generally make excuses because of anxiety. I do that most of the time but because im depressed.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

I usually say I have to work early on saturday, and then say I'm too tired on saturday night. I hate going to bars/clubs.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I actually usually tell the truth. The only people who invite me places are people who know how crazy I am.

"I am feeling too crazy to go" usually works really well, although I'm sure they tire of hearing it.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

sara01 said:


> They may be starting to think that. I'm definitely worried they are talking about me behind my back. Although, this is probably just in my head. I have a rule about talking about other people negatively when they aren't there, and all my friends are really careful around me, so hopefully they don't have much against me?
> sigh....maybe I should just tell them about my anxiety and quit putting on such an exhausting act...seriously I could be an amazing actress. Sometimes I think that stuff is so noticeable, and other times it's all in my head. But it is still torture when it's just in my head.
> Should I tell them? hmm....i gotta think about this, if it would make it better or worse


You should tell them. You won't have to worry about coming up with excuses for declining an invitation, relieving a lot of anxiety and pressure, and if they're really your friends they will be supportive and understanding.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

2Talkative said:


> I had tons of excuses now no one calls or cares anymore.
> 
> My suggestion is to stop now and just start making excuses to go out otherwise eventually no one will call. Then when you do want to do something they won't be there.


You are so right, but I feel I have gone too far with people when it comes to social situations. I am a compulsive liar for avoiding socialising outside of class, I lie about why I cant go; 'oh sorry i never got your text, i left it in my car', etc. Never been caught out cos i've a good memory, but lying isnt in my nature, and i dont like it. I told some people the truth that i 'just dont feel like going out' and i was practically laughed at, or looked at with such disapproval. so i dnt say this now, and i def wont be telling frnds I have SA anytime soon - I already know they are saying things behind my back (I am quite socially aware of these things) and they have started to hang out without me and then expect me to be interested when hearing about their nights out, (to which I have no interest). When i wanted 2 go out for my bday, they weren't there, so guess i've gone too far and blocked most frnds out of my life....


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## meh (Sep 18, 2009)

What the heck is a friend.


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## Bad Barometer (Mar 4, 2010)

Most of my friends know what's going on, so I just say I don't feel up to it.

My friend used this one before, very effective.
"I have no clothes"
"What do you mean you have to clothes?"
"I'm doing laundry, I have nothing to wear" lol

- B.B


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## 0rchid (Aug 19, 2006)

meh said:


> What the heck is a friend.


I know..

I use "I'm going out with my boyfriend" or "I'm tired/sleepy" or (lying) "I'm meeting somebody else".


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I just told my friend that I was sick. The real reason was, I really didn't want to go to a hockey game tonight.

I think she saw through it, but she pretended like she didn't. I am a bad liar.


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## itsjustin (Oct 21, 2011)

I make a point to tell people after knowing them for a few days (most online is even sooner) that I have social anxiety and body image issues, that I'm working on them, and that sometimes they keep me temporarily excluded from the world. They understand. The ones that don't aren't worth my time.


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## ausbby (Nov 18, 2011)

I've made more excuses than I can remember. Like others have said I've lost a lot of friends this way.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

"parties aren't my thing"


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

"I'm making whatever excuse I can in order to avoid doing whatever it is you guys want to do, because I'm afraid and uneasy in situations that even remotely have a chance of me feeling ashamed of being out there attempting to socialize, so I will lie to you so you won't give me more peer pressure to do what it is I don't want to do, yet what I really want to do deep down inside."


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

Straight up say I am not in the mood usually and offer another date instead. OR sometimes I just give vague "maybe i'll come" answers to avoid having to bail out of stuff ^_^


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## peril (Jan 7, 2012)

I have to study (I really want to but I never do).


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

peril said:


> I have to study (I really want to but I never do).


Hey is your avatar chihiro from spirited away?

Edit: noticed it is now she is hugging the dragon  I thought it was a pillow at first lol


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## peril (Jan 7, 2012)

Durzo said:


> Hey is your avatar chihiro from spirited away?
> 
> Edit: noticed it is now she is hugging the dragon  I thought it was a pillow at first lol


Yes, it is! So cute!


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## squidd (Feb 10, 2012)

I used to make up excuses, but now I'll just be honest and tell people that my head is in no place to be around groups of people today or so forth. Mostly people understand, sometimes the push it occassionally I'll still lie if I don't want to help people's feelings, but I'm finding being honest is helping with recovery.


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## dracial (Feb 22, 2012)

I try not to make excuses. What I do is text people when I am a bit busy and say something like "Good afternoon, how are you today?" Then when they ask something like "what am I up to?" I tell them what I am doing like when shopping, or taking a short break from studying or homework that needs to be done. One that is works well is when I am waiting at DMV. 

I use this approach so that they know I am thinking about them, they know I am not out right ignoring them, and I am too busy at the moment. Oh I do let my closest friends know about my SA. Hope this helps.


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## MGPElectricGuitar (Jan 7, 2012)

sara01 said:


> I have too much homework,
> my dog is sick...the new one was that my dog at a whole chicken(which was true) and we had to watch him to see if the bones would cause him problems...this excuse got me out of going to the bars!
> I'm not feeling well...
> Or I just don't pick up the phone.
> ...


I have done this, but I advise you not to do the same.
I do regret it because I have lost most of my friends.


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## trotter91 (Feb 23, 2012)

I say I have to study, that I have guests coming, or I just say I don't wanna go


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

"I've been farting all night because I had Taco Bell for lunch..."


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## Layla (Feb 24, 2012)

My friends all know my condition and are very helpful with it, they always ask me out and when I say no which is most times they know why, they often stay in at weekends with me too instead of going out, they are good like that.


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## Beelz (Jan 22, 2012)

generally i use the good olde if im awake ill be there... i tend to sleep day light hours so im rarely awake to do anything.. but if all else fails ill use the good olde i've not slept in 30+ hours and im about to drop dead card  since i do suffer from bouts of insomina i can use this card without having to flat out lie to them.


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## 311 (Feb 2, 2012)

Try "no thanks, I have to feed my pet llama"... It worked on The Sims!


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## InMyDreams55 (Apr 1, 2011)

I regret this now....but i literally use to ignore their calls. I soo regret it now. Well...i regret ignoring some of my "friends" from back then....


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## Grimjoker (Feb 25, 2012)

usually i just do the ignore call thing. When they ask the next day why i didn't answer i just blame my phone and say it was on silent. But if i actually answer the phone i use the too tired, have to clean my house, i have even said my water is shut off and can't shower. And like so many other people here, only two of my closest friends call me anymore, but they usually want to just hang at their house just me and like 2 or 3 other close friends, and i don't mind that.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

I sort of freeze up when the phone rings. But because most of my friends have SA too, I just tell them, "I saw you called, but I just stared at the phone like a dumbass." . They'll say something like, "Oh yeah, I did that yesterday," and all is well.


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## shy88 (Feb 25, 2012)

im too tired
im having family over
im not feeling well


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## MetalRacer (Oct 11, 2011)

If I feel pressured to do something but don't want to then I just tell them things like "I'm having an upset stomach" or "I'm with my girlfriend" (I don't have a girlfriend).


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I'd rather sleep.
I have family coming over that day.
I have a lot of studying to do.
I'm going somewhere with my mom.
I have a doctor's appointment.
I'm sick.

With one of my friends, I absolutely cannot ignore her calls. She will call me literally 20 times + (IN A ROW), expecting me to pick up. I'm pretty good with ignoring it at first, but after a while I can't stand it, so I pick up and say "Sorry, I was sleeping" or something.


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## quietmusicman (Feb 3, 2012)

No gas in the car. 
got homework
I'm sick
I'm with family
I can't use my car


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