# How To: Make Friends



## HiddenFathoms (Jul 18, 2017)

Step One: Went to therapy so I could be my OWN friend first and had things to offer.

Step Two: Each time I hear a voice in my head saying "_You aren't good enough. They are better than you and you will probably get hurt (AGAIN). You don't have the level of attraction, wealth, intelligence...._" I tell it to shut up and remind myself everyone deserves friendship. Including me.

Step Three: Smile. It's the human equivalent of dogs sniffing butts or animals offering their belly. Smiles are scientifically proven to promote bonding and make the person smiling increase in confidence. It doesn't require talking. Whohoo!

Step Four:  Tell myself to stop thinking about myself and be genuinely interested in the other person. Think about how I could improve the quality of their life or show them that they MATTER. Find out what makes them cool or what we have in common or what I can learn from them. Think less about what they can do for me and more about what I could do for them, in the spirit of friendship. Ask questions. Listen.

Step Five: Be willing to risk rejection. Ask if I can have their social media or phone number (to text), or ask them if they want to do something together. Imagine the worst that can happen (getting hurt, feeling like garbage, them preferring others to me) & then remind myself rejection is part of life and with no risk; there will never be possible rewards either.

Step Six: Assume they like me unless they directly say otherwise. Realize people think about me less than I assume. Remember life should be fun  Resist the urge to over-analyze and review/regret.

Step Seven: Read, talk to people, learn, create, have hobbies, do things that interest me...so that I have something to offer. And, so that even if my friendships end or change...I still have myself to enjoy spending time with.

Step Eight:  Don't expect one person to fill all my gaps. Realize some friends are kindred spirits, some are just to do social things in common, some are like family.

Step Nine: Communicate. Tell people when I am down or about my challenges, but only so they know. Not focusing on them as my identity.

Step Ten:  Put in the work. If I am not up to talking or I am busy, try to at least send a song or picture or joke to say "You matter to me". {I suck at this honestly, but recognize it's importance and am trying to improve.}

I still am working on ALL of these by the way. Sometimes I do worse and sometimes better (blush).

*What have you guys found?*


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## Darkblock9 (Dec 31, 2017)

Thanks for the tips, bro. I can totally relate to the smiling thing. It makes you feel more happy. Unfortunately I can't say anything because I have isolated myself and stopped talking with all my friends. I don't talk to them anymore at all out of fear of rejection, and that fear only seems to grow with time. But I'll get better with time, I think. Love and peace.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Be open, available, and be willing to put in the effort to make it work. I find that the best friendships come naturally though....you want to be with/around that person and vice versa.


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## Lyyli (Dec 5, 2017)

Thanks for the tips. I struggle with making friends due to my avoidant personality. Hope I can get the courage to do so.


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## HiddenFathoms (Jul 18, 2017)




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## mobc1990 (May 24, 2011)

I prefer to make friends with People with social anxiety or depression,i feel i am more genuinely interested and can talk to them about anything with less effort.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Ahh prozac took care of all of this for me. I didn't have to work hard at all. Now it's even harder to keep anyone in my life. I feel like I am bothering them, like texting too much or thinking they deserve better. No good living like this. I wasn't even making friends, I was making boyfriends! Ahh those good ole' mindless times.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Wow thank you for this. :kiss:


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

mobc1990 said:


> I prefer to make friends with People with social anxiety or depression,i feel i am more genuinely interested and can talk to them about anything with less effort.


IKR. This was so much easier in high school, where you sat together in groups based on social status...so the lonely virgin shy nerds...we all ended up together by default anyway. In university you are put into dormitories so it forces social interaction.

But now...its just work and home. I've tried bar hopping, but everytime I go bar hopping alone, I don't meet anyone of genuine interest, and ppl usually seem to be in their own cliques already.

I have so far been unsuccessful with co-workers their afterwork activities usually range from...going home to spouse or family.


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