# Women of SAS, would you date a guy...



## humidity (Nov 24, 2011)

Please answer both scenarios.

Scenario 1: Good guy, and is attractive to you, has SAD, has job.

Scenario 2: Good guy, and is attractive to you, has SAD, can't have a job because of it.

EXTRA:
Do any of you find social anxiety an attractive quality in a guy?


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Generally I would want a partner would introduce me to new people and things, and help me on my recovery. So someone with serious social anxiety that prevented them from leading a normal life would not be for me.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yeah as long as I found them attractive. That would be the only prerequisite actually. Well that, and preferably no dead body collection, but even that's negotiable as long as they keep them in good condition. You can tell a lot about a man based on how he looks after his collection of dead bodies.

And I don't think SA is a turn on or anything but kind of being a little shy or awkward can be attractive, like their body language. Kind of cute. It depends.


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## lonerchick (Feb 7, 2015)

I would not date guy number two. I've dated a guy who could not work because of his issues, it was not SA but other mental health problems. 
If someone can't work because of SA I imagine they can't do many other social functions either. I want to go out and do stuff. Not sit at home all the time.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Scenario 1 - probably.
Scenario 2 - not if he can't financially contribute at all, or doesn't do anything productive. It wouldn't be an equal relationship.
Bonus - It can be a bit endearing, but it's weird being the most socially confident person in a conversation, or having conversations where the other person is at least equally 'odd' in conversations. Not a dynamic I personally enjoy.


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## lethe1864 (Jun 25, 2014)

1. yes
2. maybe, as long as he doesnt need me to support him financially
extra: yes


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I would of thought they all said no.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

Yes for the first assuming it was improving or being actively worked on. 

No, it isn't an attractive trait but most people have issues of one kind or another and who am I to judge someone who has SA? There are other variables at play and you want to be with someone who will help you become a better person not exacerbate issues. SAD or not.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

I can't imagine most women finding SAD attractive. As Shameful said, someone that could actually HELP you get better and open new doors to you and let you experience life would be better than someone who is a shut in and can't function socially or even hold a job as in #2


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I just want to hold your hand, and have you do my dishes.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

What exactly do you expect to learn or confirm from this? It's common knowledge that people would rather have someone who can work than someone who can't, but people in those positions still wind up in relationships.

Obviously someone who's more outgoing provides you with bonus opportunities that you can use to help yourself, but I don't have "helps me overcome my mental problems" on my list of sought-after relationship qualities so it's not a deciding factor. Better to worry about fixing yourself and using any help that you can get, whether it's two people with SA working on CBT or an invitation to the social butterfly's party.

I also don't have introvert self-loathing and don't specifically seek out extroverts and social butterflies. I'm capable of leaving the house on my own if I please and don't view people who are introverted, quiet, or have anxiety in my company as a double negative. That should always be my responsibility and no one else's.

Someone who'd never try new things would be pretty boring, though.


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## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

Yes to both scenarios as long as he doesn't depend on me for money

Um idk why anyone would think a mental disorder is attractive but I am generally more attracted to those who come across as shy or introvert


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Scenario 1 - Sure.

Scenario 2 - He can't have a job because of SA? Like he's not even willing to look for minimum wage jobs? That would be kind of a turn off I think. I guess I'd rather date someone whose SA is more similar to mine...where going to work, school, or social events is uncomfortable but they can still push themselves to do the important things. I might be friends with the scenario 2 guy though.



humidity said:


> EXTRA:
> Do any of you find social anxiety an attractive quality in a guy?


I couldn't see myself dating someone who didn't have SA. I mean, I guess I might be open to it if they were very understanding and introverted. But I'd strongly prefer to date someone who is like me in that way.


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## FunkyFedoras (Aug 30, 2013)

I think a lot of people look for a partner that doesn't enable them into doing what's bad for them. I wouldn't want to date someone with serious social anxiety because it's likely not going to help either of us get better and really live life, etc.


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## Karkay (Feb 17, 2015)

Yeah, don't really care about whether or not a dude has a job. Especially if you fast-forward to when I finish my degree. I think it be kinda appealing to support a dude. For some reason.


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## Karkay (Feb 17, 2015)

Oh, and the only reason I would find social anxiety to be a particularly attractive trait would be because that means we would find one another's experiences more relatable. I don't have a lot in common with dudes my age, or older, because of that. Sucks. It yucks me out that they are so much more experienced than I am


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

Idgaf. So long as they pet me.

SA is awesome if my SO has it. Then he won't be talking to other people, I'm the jealous type. More time to pet me too.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

humidity said:


> Please answer both scenarios.
> 
> Scenario 1: Good guy, and is attractive to you, has SAD, has job.
> 
> ...


Oh yes 100%.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Probably wouldn't date a guy with SAD, tbh. I'm trying to cure mine, I don't want to be in the kind of relationship that reinforces it.

I don't care so much about whether or not a guy has a job, per se, as long as he's being productive. I'd date an artist or writer or musician who wasn't making any money, as long as I could see that they were passionate about their art and working on it daily. I wouldn't date someone who just sits around distracting themselves while they wait to die.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

1. yes
2. yes "I'm in that situation myself"
3. YES, very, shy men are a huge turn on


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

thatsher said:


> I used to feel attracted to guys with SA, not sure if I'd feel the same way now.


What change your mind?


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

It is, for me, about how big the impact on his life the social anxiety is. There are some here, who have no friends, no job, never go anywhere, and are too scared to talk to anyone. Then there are others who do not let it affect their life, and live a mostly normal life but with anxiety, like me. 

I don't know how it would be even possible to date someone who had serious life altering social anxiety.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

I just need him to be nice to me, enjoy cooking, and be great at cooking.


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

humidity said:


> Would you like a round of applause too?


What?


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

humidity said:


> You know, since you are so much better than those losers who let social anxiety get in the way of their life.


How about don't ask a question if you're going to be annoying to the people who answer it. Next time start your thread with "only girls who *would* date jobless shut-ins should answer"


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

1. Yeah, sure.
2. No way. I want someone to live with and start a life with. I can't even support myself right now. I could probably help pay some bills and some food in my current situation, but house, bills, food and insurances for me, plus 1, plus a cat and eventually kids? No. That won't work even with a full time job.

3. I don't mind shy, awkward guys


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

There are some people in my life who pretended to be my friend yet back-stabbed me and gossiped behind my back. Keyword on some, I'm hoping most people still wanna be good, but I don't give many people chances due to my SA and the ones that go out of their way to befriend me irl usually expect something from me first due to my naivety.




(bear in mind this mindset is toxic and really, you dodged a bullet, search for a non-materialistic friends/partner plz yes, but be a better person and leave on good terms)

I have horrible luck with people in real life or perhaps I worry too much and take every little thing too seriously. Nonetheless, they were only interested when they saw I had money and offered fake friendship/interest romantically. Let me tell you, it's totally not fun at all driving someone around all day spending money on whatever they wanna do and they don't even treat you warmly as a person, ignore you, and belittle you, talking about using my savings on a cruise, good riddance. I guess I'm bitter and jaded still, ha. In regards to finding that special someone, I'd suggest you try to find your equal in regards to financial situation, usually easier that way, cause usually people are not mature when it comes to that sort of stuff. It'll make each side feel they are contributing equally? I understand that people just desire an equal partner they can grow with, yet when I see hypocrites who are unemployed only desiring people who are employed, that somewhat irks me to be honest. Like who the hell are they to talk?--lol. Anyways, nothing to feel ashamed about being unemployed, times are tough, yet bear in mind everyone has problems and when you date someone, you both are bringing both your issues to the table, that is if you want a serious relationship, hence the need to be with an equal.

People often claim there are no such things as leagues yet I gaze around me and unless the other partner doesn't offer something else to the table, I sadly fail to see it, I'm sorry. I'm trying to think as objectively and rationally as I can, and apply this to an irrational thing, love. Sparks initially fade once real problems are thrown into the mix and both sides question whether or not this other person truly makes you feel happy and is worth your time or if you're just in love with the idea of love, rather than the person.

In a perfect world, the greedy rich wouldn't exist and this world's resources would be distributed among the population equally. We'd all strive for a better future in the name of humanity and not our own selfish gain, yet this will never be so.

This rant isn't applied to a specific gender btw, so please don't string me up for it, I've seen kindhearted girls more often than not date a thug loser boyfriend and spend thousands of dollars on him only to be cheated or mistreated as well---isn't humanity great!


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

humidity said:


> Please answer both scenarios.
> 
> Scenario 1: Good guy, and is attractive to you, has SAD, has job.
> 
> ...


1) Oooh yay! I should get a job too!

2) Aww we can work on it baby <3 don't worry, this is life, if we love eachother so much, we will both carry the weight equally so our love can survive. We will figure something out!

I find SA very HIGHLY attractive in guys.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

humidity said:


> People are mentioning that a partner with SA would not be helpful for their own SA. But to me, I feel like having a girlfriend with the same issue would comfort me and reduce my SA, and also encourage and empower me to improve.


More like having a girlfriend on Prozac. That would help alot trust me. Cuz like if you don't take any meds at all, and your gf does, then it works good, cuz she's been there and had and still has SA deep in her soul, she knows how to nudge you and stuff. Pick you up when you are down and go out and love you goooood.

But if you have SA no meds with SA no meds -- it is awkward. I never had this but, I think it would be awkward cuz SA and SA just goes down with no good outlook. One has to be different, to help the other, meds is good. Antidepressants. Yeah.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

thatsher said:


> Someone with SA is usually depressed. It's not easy to date someone with depression. sometimes they bring you down cause they don't feel good about themselves. It makes everything a million times harder if you struggle with low self esteem yourself.


This is the logic that keeps lonely depressed people alone and depressed. And for me personally if I had someone who would fight with me and love me strongly then my depression would be way less. Also I think people with social anxiety aren't necessarily depressing boring people. They are just scared. When I get comfortable with people and people give me a chance then I feel a lot better in my environment.


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## Doobage (Dec 20, 2014)

1. Yes
2. No, but I would be his friend and try to encourage him to overcome his obstacles.


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## Gentlecrab (Apr 14, 2013)

It's a double-edged sword. There is mutual understanding which could result in working together to overcome SA. But there is also the risk of becoming comfortably stuck in the world of SA. I think on average women with SA would prefer to date men who are more outgoing as a brute-force means of overcoming SA.


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## jennyyyxo (Apr 3, 2015)

scenario 1: yes
scenario 2: sure, as long as they wouldn't be relying on me for money all the time

social anxiety isn't necessarily a trait that i find attractive or would look for in somebody, but i wouldn't reject someone just because they had it


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Gentlecrab said:


> It's a double-edged sword. There is mutual understanding which could result in working together to overcome SA. But there is also the risk of becoming comfortably stuck in the world of SA. I think on average women with SA would prefer to date men who are more outgoing as a brute-force means of overcoming SA.


Yeah, I like the ones who really reach out to me in real life. Pretty much the ones who are acting too socially awkward... or something... we don't text anymore and only met once.... But as long as he can pay for himself and I pay for myself, it's all good, I can take the bus okay.


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