# Fellow avoidants, which Millon subtype do you fit?



## yourfavestoner

For those that don't know them, they are:

*-Conflicted avoidant - including negativistic (passive-aggressive) features*

The conflicted avoidant feels ambivalent towards themselves and others. They can idealize those close to them but under stress they may feel under-appreciated or misunderstood and wish to hurt others in revenge. Should their sense of autonomy be threatened, they may seek to undermine or humiliate those close to them. They may be perceived as petulant or to be sulking. They may attack others for failing to recognize their needs for affection, but accuse those who offer nurturance of seeking to compromise their independence. During periods when stresses are minimal, they may deny past resentments and portray an image of general contentment. Under slight pressures, however, their pacific surface quickly gives way to impulsive hostility.

*-Hypersensitive avoidant - including paranoid features*

The hypersensitive avoidant experiences paranoia, mistrustfulness and fear, but to a lesser extent than an individual with paranoid personality disorder. They may be perceived as petulant or "high-strung." Hypersensitive avoidants are well aware of their own shortcomings but will attribute them as much to the maneuverings of others as to themselves. As the self-esteem of the hypersensitive avoidant approaches collapse, many take on more severe paranoid features and come to believe that their "pathetic self " is the product of covert actions by others to undermine them or make them inhibit themselves.

*-Phobic avoidant - including dependent features*

Like the avoidant, dependent personalities desire close personal relationships; unlike the avoidant's basic sense of mistrust, however, dependents invest their trust (and much of their sense of self) in a significant other and relentlessly dread the potential loss of that relationship. Phobic avoidants combine features of these two personalities. Trapped between desire and the possibility of abandonment, phobic avoidants find a symbolic substitute onto which to project or displace their fear and anger. A free-floating and barely tolerable sense of anxiety or dread is thus concretized and shifted away from its true object: It's not the boyfriend or girlfriend, but the dog next door that is to be feared. By fleeing the phobic object or situation, such individuals seek to free themselves by symbolically leaving fear behind.

*-Self-deserting avoidant - including depressive features*

A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last subtype of avoidant patterns. Self-deserting avoidants combine the social (interpersonal) retreating of the avoidant with the ruminative (cognitive) self-devaluation of the depressive personality. These individuals immerse themselves in a surrogate fantasy existence to avoid the discomfort of having to relate to others. They are not, however, unaware of their use of these tactics (unless, for example, they are concurrently experiencing a major depressive episode with psychosis), and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective, and their thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences. Waking dreams are displaced by painful ruminations. Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate unremittingly. More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation of selfhood. As this process proceeds, selfdeserting avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of their frightening transformation.


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## Tentative

Self-deserting seems to be the most accurate for me.


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## leave me alone

Tentative said:


> Self-deserting seems to be the most accurate for me.


Same.



> *They are not, however, unaware of their use of these tactics* (unless, for example, they are concurrently experiencing a major depressive episode with psychosis), *and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. *


Sounds very much like me.


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## rgrwng

*Self-deserting avoidant

*"...These individuals immerse themselves in a surrogate fantasy existence to avoid the discomfort of having to relate to others (_i try to feel like i never knew then in the first place, and act like i have forgotten about them_). They are not, however, unaware of their use of these tactics (_i started tuning out certain people - they can be sitting right across the table and i would not even care to notice_), and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective (_it has started, for me_), and their thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences. Waking dreams (_mines are always about my last moments alive_) are displaced by painful ruminations. Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate unremittingly (_usually ones that say, "you never had any friends before, so don't care about the ones you have, because they all have left you in the dust."_). More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation of self-hood (_i am trying to commit to one half or the other, and i cannot decide, as if literally physically torn in two_). As this process proceeds, self-deserting avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of their frightening transformation." (_i see my self as being perfectly normal, yet on the outside and inside, some people who i know have noticed a change in me in the past 3 months._)

_*All day, every day. *_


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## Akane

None of that makes sense. People are annoying, I avoid them. I prefer to do things alone. I don't mistrust everyone. I don't have any desire for revenge. The deserting starts to match but I'm not depressive, I"m not in any discomfort from avoiding people aside from occasional boredom when there is nothing left to do alone, I do not feel inadequate or avoid people for that reason, and I am quite content with who I am and my own eccentricities and limitations. It's everyone else who can learn to deal with who I am or get lost. How about the self confident, independent, accepting avoidant.


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## F1X3R

You sound like a conflicted avoidant. You don't have to fulfill all of the traits, but calling people annoying seems like one of them.



> They *may attack others for failing to recognize their needs* for affection, but accuse those who offer nurturance of *seeking to compromise their independence.*





> During periods when stresses are minimal, *they may deny past resentments* and portray an image of general contentment.


Just trying to help. I fall more into the depressive subtype.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

I didn't knew there were subtypes too. Hypersensitive I guess. Though the last bit isn't familiar to me.


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## meeps

Akane said:


> How about the self confident, independent, accepting avoidant.


These traits do not fit avoidant personality disorder criteria. Maybe independent does a little, but that would be a natural result of distancing.


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## Akane

I do not attack others and have no desire for revenge or to humiliate anyone else whatsoever. Just finding people annoying is not attacking. I have no grudges even to people I really should wish would die since they spent 6 years of my life harassing and beating me up but I never really had any desire to do anything to them beyond what was required to stop physical harm to myself.. Heck sometimes my dog is annoying and every now and then I bribe her in to leaving me alone because of it but that doesn't mean I hold any bad feelings toward her. 

It is simply that overall being alone leads to less drama and difficulties than planning activities with people and sometimes especially online people will suddenly stop talking to you and making plans without giving you any reason. Then I'm left to guess what might have turned them off. Thus annoying. Even under stress I have never shown any hostility toward anyone who didn't attack me first. I have had to physically defend myself before from being hit and restrained but that's it. I can have the worst day ever and step on the martial arts mat completely calm with no desire to do extra hard techniques or anything.

You can't be a confident person and still have a desire to avoid others?


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## F1X3R

What about the part where conflicted-avoidants feel their independence is comprised around others? If you can be confident and independent around others, should their annoyances matter so much?


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## meeps

Akane said:


> You can't be a confident person and still have a desire to avoid others?


Avoiding people is just an action, _avoidant_ is a personality disorder in which the sufferer avoids relationships, not through an actual desire to be alone, but because they have self-esteem issues.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001936/


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## RawrJessiRawr

Tentative:1059851697 said:


> Self-deserting seems to be the most accurate for me.


Same here


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## TheDaffodil

Self-deserting. I once explained my intricate fantasy world(s) to my lover and...well, guess I found out very quickly that wasn't normal. I thought it might still be until I read this ****, haha. Great.


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## F1X3R

TheDaffodil said:


> Self-deserting. I once explained my intricate fantasy world(s) to my lover and...well, guess I found out very quickly that wasn't normal. I thought it might still be until I read this ****, haha. Great.


Hey everyone who voted self-deserting should share they fantasies with each other. If even just a vague, general idea of them.


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## minimized

Self-deserting, probably.

Actually, that's frightening. I don't have fantasies anymore. I've long since thought that my inability to think stemmed from my attempting to not think. Not thinking was the only way I could get through the day. Now my mind feels broken.


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## Paul

I'm none of those. I guess that makes me an avoidant without a good reason to avoid. Phobic avoidant might be closest, but I'm not co-dependent like that, don't dread the loss of relationship, and my fear of the dog next door is due entirely to the dog next door being a large evil hell-beast that barks obscenities at me whenever it sees me while lunging against the thankfully-present fence.


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## Nekomata

I'm probably a conflicted avoidant. So is my boyfriend, come to think of it xD. I kinda get angry and annoyed at people for no particular reason, or for reasons that seem rational to me, but less so for the other person ><; probably why I get called bipolar sometimes.. *mumbles*


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## Monroee

My doctor didn't mention what kinda sub-type I would be. But I relate most to the self-deserting/depressive type.


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## NatureFellow

I almost avoided this thread.


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## sansd

While I am less avoidant than I used to be, self-deserting sounds familiar.


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## skittlez

Wow, one of these fits me to a T.....
Not sure if that's good or bad lmao
Thanks for posting!!


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## doubtomatic

Self-deserting is the one I fit best... tend to throw myself into obsessions rather than "create a fantasy existence" (as the description says, fantasizing becomes painful in its own right after a while). I think I also have some dependent features on the rare occasions I actually connect with someone, but can't really relate to the phobic subtype described here.


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## 84929

The self-deserting really speaks to me. I do find myself daydreaming or imagining another life then the 1 I have. I always thought I had an over active imagination.

But yes after reading that it does sound like me. Probably why I love video games like The Sims and Metal Gear Solid. I escape into the story line and plot of the game. In The Sims I can make a sim be want I wish I could be. 
I'm the same with books. I get really caught up in the story especially if its 1 I can really relate too.


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## Cashew

Phobic avoidant all the way.


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## Talgonite

They all sound like me at some point in time lol.


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## Glacial

I am definitely the conflicted avoidant. I am full of ambivalence, contradictions and dualities.


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## ravens

Self-deserting avoidant sounds right about me.


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## Revenwyn

Both conflicted and self deserting.


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## MidnightBlu

I'm conflicted, unfortunately. Although I can relate to self-deserting, too.


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## WillYouStopDave

I have features? What am I? A person or a 1987 Ford?


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## Kalliber

Conflicted avoidant - including negativistic (passive-aggressive) 
This. I made a threat about this..i fit in this 100% scary though, add a conceited guy you get me...


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## Kalliber

MidnightBlu said:


> I'm conflicted, unfortunately. Although I can relate to self-deserting, too.


So am i ):


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## jabberwalk

Conflicted avoidant


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## inerameia

Hypersensitive avoidant


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## diamondheart89

-Self-deserting avoidant - including depressive features


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## Elros

Self-deserting avoidant for me


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## TurnEmAndBurzum

*Hey. I'm new, first post.*

I think I mostly fit into the self-deserting subtype, although I also identify with most of the traits described by the conflicted subtype. 
Could anyone give an example of how they relate to the "fantasy surrogate existence" Millon mentions? I am constantly imagining conversations and social interactions in my mind to the point of distraction. When interpersonal situations have gone in an unpleasant direction for me (which more often than not they do) I fantasize about what I could have/should have done or said. There are many more examples but this post is already pretty long. I guess I'm looking for the following feedback: Is what I described indicative of the self-deserting subtype?


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## AceEmoKid

Interesting. I feel as if I have features from each, but most notably self deserting and phobic. But really, reading through them a second time, I feel it's too close cut. Not one of them completely describes me.


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## oood

Conflicted/self deserting


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## probably offline

90% self-deserting avoidant mixed with 10% conflicted avoidant. Yeah, I just pulled those numbers out of my arse.


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## Marko3

hmm....im like nothing of those... idk... im like (if u read it somewhere) Type 1 Avoidant personality, but in very mild form...


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## tieffers

Oh dear. I'd say I'm chiefly phobic avoidant with episodes that transform me into a self-deserting avoidant/depressive. Reading the description of it while I'm fully present is just horrifying, but I'm not aware of how nightmarish the reality is when I'm so disengaged.


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## cafune

1-self-deserting avoidant w/depressive features (most accurate)
2-phobic avoidant w/dependent features (on occasion)


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## A Void Ant

Mostly hypersensitive, but a little bit of everything.


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## chrysse

I think I fit mostly Conflicted avoidant. Self-deserting as well.


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## Thanatar18

I'm more hypersensitive than self-deserting... but I'm definitely somewhat self-deserting at the same time. And just a small amount of conflicted and phobic, enough that I think I can just overlook it...

I'm mostly hypersensitive though; but it's because I know my shortcomings well enough, and my physical condition, and that in a sense is also my self-deserting part, because I hate my life so far...

Admittedly I'm depressed when writing this, due to a number of factors...


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## louiselouisa

A bowl of conflicted and hypersensitive avoidant with a sprinkle of self-deserting.


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## Persephone The Dread

> but accuse those who offer nurturance of seeking to compromise their independence.


I would never accuse someone of doing this, but I do _feel _ trapped whenever someone (usually my dad) tries to offer advice and suggest I do certain things. This is a serious complex I have and I think it developed because I felt so trapped in high school and really, really wanted to run away from everything. Then on top of that I know he in particular doesn't really want me to move away. Didn't want me to move away to uni etc either at the time.

And I'd say partly conflicted and partly self deserting.



> and this makes them painfully aware of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective, and their thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences. Waking dreams are displaced by painful ruminations. Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate unremittingly. More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation of selfhood. As this process proceeds, selfdeserting avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of their frightening transformation.


I feel so happy right now.

It's maybe more periodical though, but I'd say even when I'm with other people I'm seldom able to be fully present and relaxed. I don't tend to daydream too much unless I'm going somewhere alone, which is often. I try to jerk myself out of it now it became a pretty big problem and it just makes me more anxious when I have to talk to people.


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## Canadian Brotha

Self-Deserting


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## Yer Blues

WillYouStopDave said:


> I have features? What am I? A person or a 1987 Ford?


I like to think of you as a Lada.

Self-Deserting seems the closest, but I might just be severe SA with low self-esteem due to bdd.

I will be finding out soon, as I go for an intake interview next week.


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