# I asked that girl out



## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

I already posted this in the triumphs section but I'm posting it here too because I really could use some advice. I asked her out and she gave me her phone number. I asked when the best time to call would be and she said anytime cause it's her cell phone number. My question is when would be the best time to call? Tonight or tomorrow, or is that too early? A few days from now?

As hard as asking her out was it seems like that was just the beginning of all the anxiety inducing things I'm going to have to do. I asked if she wanted to see a movie but I am certainly willing to do something else. I just said that to say something cause I was pretty nervous when I asked. 

Thanks for any advice you can give me.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Congrats, that takes some balls.

If you want to play the game you can wait a day or two. I think the game is bull**** and I don't think it is going to effect your chances if she likes you either way.

Of course, she might have a hard day at work on Monday and be looking for some companionship and you could play hero with the phone call. 

Always that possibility but not likely.


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## thecurerules (May 31, 2004)

I don't think it really matters when you make the call, just as long as the phone conversation is positive and both of you agree to the plan. I would definitely stick to the movie idea...

Good luck man. I hope your phone anxiety isn't as bad as mine... :b


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

Way to go!!! 



shwin said:


> Just call, screw waiting and all that crap.


 :agree


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Good for you Ace! :banana 

Here's what I usually think with guys...if they call the next day I think hey, he must really like me. If he calls within 2-5 days I generally have had some anticipation building up if I like him or he has left my mind if I'm not into him...if I really like him then I will be excited that he called but it will be in the back of my head to watch if he plays games. If he waits more than a week I will think he's not into me or he's a total player and I'm more inclined to not get involved. That's my general train of thought, use it as you will.

Also, when it's really right, all of the rules go right out the window.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

Well I called her, but she wasn't there. I left a message on her voice mail and gave her my number so now I have to wait for her to call me. I so hope I can get ahold of her so we can make plans. I really want this to work out.


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

Okay, if I may offer some advice. I'm not saying you would do this, but so many guys make this mistake, especially here at SAS, and then they can't figure out where they went wrong. Don't call her again. You've left the message, that's enough. If she's interested she'll call you back. If you don't hear from her, she hasn't lost the number, she hasn't died and she hasn't been abducted by aliens.

I'm so sorry to be harsh, and like I said I don't even know that you would call her back but yeah....I see it time and time again on these boards. You don't want to come off as clingy- she'll run a mile.

Good luck, dude. Let us know how you go.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

you all were right. She never called back. :rain :cry Why do I even bother? :rain


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

:hug 

At least you were able to ask and actually go through with the call, that's tough. Don't stop trying because of that situation, you cant win them all...


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

Scrub Ducky said:


> :hug
> 
> At least you were able to ask and actually go through with the call, that's tough. Don't stop trying because of that situation, you cant win them all...


:agree


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Call her one more time. Just once. If she doesn't respond to a second call then let it go. Pyramidsong is right that you shouldn't call all the time but a second call a few days later is not being to clingy.


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

I know how you feel that happened to me as well.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

the problem with this is I'm going to see her again. It is inevitable. It's going to be really hard not to confront her about it. Why the hell did those people say she liked me when she obviously didn't and why the hell did she say she would like to go out with me when that was total bs? There are not "many fish in the sea" at least not for me. I can only ask out a girl maybe once every two years. I'm so scared


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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

basically my advice is too late but here it is anyways for future reference. Call the next day. If you dont get her, leave a simple message with a call back number. Dont call back multiple times and leave lil messages. If she doesnt call you back within the next day or the day after, call back one more time at a time you know she's home or suspect she's home. Otherwise, i agree with shwin, chalk it up as experience. Also a movie is a bad idea for a first date unless you have dinner or coffee afterwards, you can start those uncomfortable conversations talking about said movie.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

ace_of_diamonds said:


> Why the hell did those people say she liked me when she obviously didn't and why the hell did she say she would like to go out with me when that was total bs?


This is what I can't stand. Girls giving an indication that they like someone, and then when that person gets up the nerve to ask her out... then she either turns him down or never returns his calls after giving him her phone number. I've seen this type of thing happen before.

What is it with you girls that do this to us?? Girls have it easy. They aren't expected by society to be the one to ask out the opposite sex, as guys are. Girls don't have to worry about rejection like guys do. If you girls were in our place then I think you would see things differently.

Girls, it's already hard enough for us guys to get up the nerve to ask you out and risk being shot down. Please don't make it harder on us by setting us up only to have us crushed.

Lifetimer


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## GreyCloud (Jan 9, 2006)

Lifetimer said:


> ace_of_diamonds said:
> 
> 
> > Why the hell did those people say she liked me when she obviously didn't and why the hell did she say she would like to go out with me when that was total bs?
> ...


i can't speak for other girls but for myself even if i liked a guy and he asked me out, i would say no. not because i don't like him cause i do but becuase i'm afraid i'm going to screw the date up


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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

no offense lifetime, its the same arguement on either side with different points. no one has it easy. each side has its share of hardships and problems. all generalized statements like that do is piss off the women and help you to stay single...


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

Thank you, brenidil. Exactly what I was going to say.

And Lifetimer, what do you mean, "giving an indication they like someone"?
I mean, unless we're cold and rude some guy's going to think we're interested. Sometimes we're just being friendly, y'know?


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

I wanted to respond to lifetimer's post but it ticked me off too much so thanks for responding brendil. 

Do you really believe that women are spared rejection???


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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

just for the record... im a guy.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

brenidil said:


> no offense lifetime, its the same arguement on either side with different points. no one has it easy. each side has its share of hardships and problems. all generalized statements like that do is @#%$ off the women and help you to stay single...


I didn't necessarily mean ALL women are this way, and I agree there are women that have hardships and problems with starting a relationship, just the same as a guy. I just meant there is a fairly significant number of women who do men the way I pointed out. I seen it happen to other guys and it's happened to me before -- and I and most people I know consider myself a nice guy. So it's not like I was being a jerk to these women.

Yes women have relationship difficulties, but I don't see how anyone - especially a guy as you said you were - can deny that there is more pressure and difficultness (I can't even think of the right words to say) for the guy to have to be the one to always ask out the girl... instead of society expecting both having the same "equalness" of asking each other out. Yes there are girls that are rejected whenever they try to get friendly with a guy or whatever. But with the scenario of the guy having to ask out the girl, the guy will ALWAYS face more rejection than the girl. That's what I meant when I said, "If you girls were in our place then I think you would see things differently."

Lifetimer


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

pyramidsong said:


> Thank you, brenidil. Exactly what I was going to say.
> 
> And Lifetimer, what do you mean, "giving an indication they like someone"?
> I mean, unless we're cold and rude some guy's going to think we're interested. Sometimes we're just being friendly, y'know?


pyramidsong,

ace_of_diamonds had said that, *"Why the hell did those people say she liked me when she obviously didn't and why the hell did she say she would like to go out with me when that was total bs?"*. That is EXACTLY what I mean by a girl "giving an indication they like someone" and then shooting the person down when he asks her out. This girl had told his friends that she liked him and wanted to go out with him. So he gets up the nerve to ask her out and what happens?? SHE REJECTS HIM! Does that make any sense to you why someone would do that??

Come on ladies, give us guys a break. Being friendly is one thing. I think most guys can figure out if a girl is just being friendly. But it's another thing by giving us obvious signs you like us - as what happened with ace_of _diamonds - and then rejecting us when "the moneys on the table" (as the old saying goes) -- it makes it very, very difficult for us guys to even attempt to ask out the next girl.

Pixiedust, yes I agree there are women who get rejected, but in general women do not quite have to face what guys have to face. It is much easier to say "no" or to make up an excuse if someone asks you out than it is to get up the nerve to ask a person out and face the rejection and sometimes humiliation. If it were the other way around (that girls would have to be the one to ask out guys) then I think women would understand and be more sympathetic with guys.

Lifetimer


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## aerosmithrox (Nov 12, 2005)

I'd call her one more time because maybe someone else picked up her messages or maybe she deleted yours by accident. We SA'er always think the worst of everything don't we? 

It can't hurt to call her one more time and invite her out to coffee or a walk in the park. Something specific so that she knows it's not a heavy date situation.

Aero


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Lifetimer said:


> Pixiedust, yes I agree there are women who get rejected, but in general women do not quite have to face what guys have to face. It is much easier to say "no" or to make up an excuse if someone asks you out than it is to get up the nerve to ask a person out and face the rejection and sometimes humiliation. If it were the other way around (that girls would have to be the one to ask out guys) then I think women would understand and be more sympathetic with guys.


That's the exact attitude that makes it so difficult for a woman to get rejected. They're supposed to jump at the opportunity to go out with us so when we defy societal standards and actually make the first move and they reject us how awful do you think it makes you feel? I had a boyfriend when I was 19 that didn't want to have sex with me (or anyone else I gather), it took me years to get over that because 19 year old boys are supposed to want it, ALL of them, what the hell was wrong with me because it must have been something big? You think it's so much easier for women to get rejected, get a grip. Your posts on this thread show that you have little understanding of females.


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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

i dont think anything is wrong with you pixie. most guys want it, some just choose not to. maybe he had some morals he was clinging too. I had to be talked into in after a year or so by my ex. I recling to my morals now, i seriously believe sex screws everything up and ruins the relationship. what can i say some guys are weird. anyways we got way off topic lol. :fall


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

I know that now. I didn't know that then. It took me a few years to figure it out. Now looking back at it nearly a decade later, I would put money on him having SA. My point in writing that was to illustrate the stigma placed on females in relationships. Males are not the only ones who face rejection. Yeah, off topic. Sorry Ace.


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## brenidil (Aug 25, 2005)

call her back. otherwise find yourself a nice girl from the forums and call her.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

pixiedust said:


> Lifetimer said:
> 
> 
> > Pixiedust, yes I agree there are women who get rejected, but in general women do not quite have to face what guys have to face. It is much easier to say "no" or to make up an excuse if someone asks you out than it is to get up the nerve to ask a person out and face the rejection and sometimes humiliation. If it were the other way around (that girls would have to be the one to ask out guys) then I think women would understand and be more sympathetic with guys.
> ...


I think it is more the exception that the rule that a guy would reject a girl if she wanted to go out with him. I believe the odds are greater a guy will be rejected by a girl before a girl will be rejected by a guy. Not that a girl won't ever be rejected, but the odds in my opinion are more against the guy. Pixiedust, I think your case was a good example of the exception. You're right, in general most 19 year old guys would jump at the chance to have sex with a girl. But this guy must have had a moral reason, or may have had SA, or some other particular reason as to why he didn't want to have sex.

Whether it was while I was in school or now in my workplace (about the only places I have consistently interacted with people because of my SA) I have rarely seen a guy reject a girl, but I have seen it the other way around. I will admit because I've had SA all my life, I don't have a lot of life experiences such as every weekend going out to clubs or whatever and seeing how guys & girls interact and counting the number of times each gets rejected. But I have been around long enough to see and figure out who is more likely to get rejected, as well as who has it the toughest as far as having to be the one to do the asking out and facing the highest risk of rejection and sometimes humiliation. Of course it's the guy. And if the guy is rejected after someone has given him obvious signs that they are interested, then guess what this does to the guy's confidence and psyche? You got it. It just knocks his confidence down another peg whenever and everytime this happens. It makes it that much more difficult for the guy to ask out the next girl. This is because she may be playing head games and just wants the attention like the previous girl had.

Again, I want to stress that obviously NOT ALL women are like this. I'm not saying all women are constantly doing this. However, there is a fairly significant segment of women who are like this. My point is that I think it is cruel , for example, to obviously flirt with a guy, tell his friends she likes him, and then when it comes time to "put up or shut up"... the guy will ask out the girl and she tells him - "NO". Then the guy walks away not knowing what to think or what to do next time he thinks he may have potentially something going with a girl.

I had seen a while back on another forum in which the subject of guys asking out girls was brought up (Not by me, I didn't post on that thread). A girl there said, "I'm glad I'm not a guy because I don't know if I could deal with getting rejected."

My point exactly.

Lifetimer


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

pixiedust said:


> Lifetimer said:
> 
> 
> > Pixiedust, yes I agree there are women who get rejected, but in general women do not quite have to face what guys have to face. It is much easier to say "no" or to make up an excuse if someone asks you out than it is to get up the nerve to ask a person out and face the rejection and sometimes humiliation. If it were the other way around (that girls would have to be the one to ask out guys) then I think women would understand and be more sympathetic with guys.
> ...


Huh. No one's under any obligation to say yes if you ask them out.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Lifetimer said:


> My point exactly.


 No offense dude, but with that attitude I'm not surprised you can't get a girlfriend. Maybe if you stop making women the enemy you'll do a little better.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Pixiedust, I'm sorry if I somehow gave the impression that I'm a "woman hater" or that you think I got anger against women. This is totally not true. I am friendly towards women and in general they are friendly towards me. I believe more women than not do not behave the negative way I've been talking about. It's just a segment of women that are like that. And just as there has been women friendly toward me, there have been others that have done to me and other guys just as I described.

One of the big points I was making was how guys have it tough in that we have to be the ones to do the asking out. We are the ones who have to face the fear, risks, rejections, etc. I am not alone in this thinking. I found the below quotes on the thread titled, *"When a guy looks at you...". *And interestingly enough, one is from a guy (the first quote) and the other is from a girl:



LittleZion said:


> I think girls have it much easier than guys, as far as this goes. I know it's nerve-wracking for you, too, but it's the guy who has to take the major risks.


GreyCloud's reply:


GreyCloud said:


> i agree, guys do have it harder in this case anyway, if i had to ask guys out, i would never go out on a date. i can't even imagine how nerve wrecking it must be....


Women, again I say, have compassion and understanding of us guys if your interested in us and we may be slow to ask you out. Especially don't play head games with us by telling people you like us and then snubbing us when we try to ask you out. Not cool at all.

That's my rant for today. I have to go get ready for my "Woman Haters" meeting. lol.

Lifetimer


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

You know what I've come to realize, though? Everyone gets rejected, and everyone gets burned by dishonest people. Absolutely everyone. Male, female, SA and non-SA. It's just the way of the world. So although it does sting, to take it personally is irrational, really. Pick someone you know and trust, someone you admire and assume has a lot of luck with romance. I guarantee you they will have had mixed responses just like you. They just didn't let it stop them from trying.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

This girl didn't just give an indication, she told someone I know that she thought I was cute. But I guess I'm immune to being in a relationship.


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

pixiedust said:


> You think it's so much easier for women to get rejected, get a grip. Your posts on this thread show that you have little understanding of females.


I don't think *Lifetimer* is trying to say that it's _easier_ for women to get rejected, of course it's not. Rejection is just as bad for anyone regardless of their gender. I think he's just saying that since guys are expected to ask out girls, there is a lot higher chance that we'll have to face direct rejection since we basically have to say "Hey, I like you. Do you like me?" and it's pretty hard to hear a "No" after asking that. It's hard not to take something like that personally. Since society generally expects women to wait to be asked out, the rejection is a little less verbal and direct. For me, being verbally told "I don't like you enough to go on a date with you" would be a little harder than simply talking with someone I really liked for a while and then never getting asked out by them.

Though maybe that's just me and both kinds of rejection are just as bad for many people. Am I missing something here?


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

matt404 said:


> pixiedust said:
> 
> 
> > You think it's so much easier for women to get rejected, get a grip. Your posts on this thread show that you have little understanding of females.
> ...


 :agree

Matt, you explained it well!

Lifetimer


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Hey Lifetimer I knew what you were getting at with your orignal post. I'm a girl, btw. I wasn't offended. Don't waste your energy trying to explain it (although it looks like you already have...hehe) to people who don't understand.


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