# Addicted to being alone



## Amelia

Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?

I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


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## glarmph

Same EXACT thing here. Except now I don't feel bad about it, I used to. I know there's something wrong with me but I don't worry about it anymore. In the end it, if it doesn't involve me sitting here by myself doing whatever I want to do, it feels like a chore, no matter what it is.


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## outcast69

How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.


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## justpassinby

Being around other people definitely feels like an intrusion. Its also not natural to be alone all the time. I don't know how to change at this point. I've tried everything, and in a way, I give up. Maybe once you get to the point where you give up, things will start to change. For example, having an impartial attitude to being with people or being alone, so you can be in each situation without it affecting you internally. Forcing a changed attitude has failed time and again for me.


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## pyramidsong

Yup. In the next few days I have two uni classes, a job and two parties. I'm avoiding all of them to stay home and watch DVDs. It's sad, and the frustrating part is I'll be missed, people want me there and I'll be sitting home thinking I could be having a nice time. But as you say, the relief of not having to interact outweighs the loneliness. Sucks but I don't know how to change it. I'm also dating at the moment and it's torture trying to pretend to be normal, I keep wondering when I'm going to run away again like I always do.


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## epril

Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.

Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside. 

So, both scenarios, I'm alone


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## epril

Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?
> 
> I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


All my life, it's easier to be alone, for awhile, but then I feel lonely and need to force myself to call someone or plan an outing. I'd say maybe once or maybe twice a month would be enough for me. Well, gee, maybe more. I guess I'm feeling a little lonely right now.


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## Atticus

Being alone can be very soothing for me. On average maybe one night per week is entirely mine (dogs don't count) and I'll admit I look forward to those nights and sometimes dread the other times when I have to be around people, although I can usually tolerate some normal contact. 

I seldom enjoy parties or large gatherings, so I'm pretty much to the point where I avoid them when I can. I feel as though I'd like to change that, but I wonder if the desire to change is more an old habit than a real desire at this point.


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## epril

justpassinby said:


> Being around other people definitely feels like an intrusion. Its also not natural to be alone all the time. I don't know how to change at this point. I've tried everything, and in a way, I give up. Maybe once you get to the point where you give up, things will start to change. For example, having an impartial attitude to being with people or being alone, so you can be in each situation without it affecting you internally. Forcing a changed attitude has failed time and again for me.


My acceptance of my behavior fluctuates, most of the time I can accept myself for being quiet and alone. I don't think I can change much, but I can act slightly different than my SA self, sometimes naturally but most times with force and determination.


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## secretlyshecries

I can relate to this. A few years ago I was just so depressed over the fact that I was alone most of the time. Now it just feels normal. I know that I've just adapted to living this way but sometimes it feels almost... comfortable. That said, I still do get lonely (though it's usually just a period of loneliness that goes away) and want to change things. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a big part of me that would just go on living like this forever if I remained undisturbed by anyone else.


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## ivankaramazov

outcast69 said:


> How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.


I think the fact that people in this thread have adapted to not need human contact says it's not as important as food or water.


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## Sierra83

Maybe you're just an introvert. Check out the book "Introvert Power" - I've read the first couple of chapters and already it's been quite a help.

I think it's okay to be alone. Maybe you just enjoy your own company, a lot. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the outside world is a bit... much to bear.


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## kingfoxy

i have never really enjoyed the company of other people i like the fact im happier alone to do my own thing i can be untidy sleep in daytime and not be nagged about my appesarance or criticized when im on my ownn collect my video games and stuff :blank i like invisibility no one can c me i stay away hide in my house go out for food thats it :um


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## ironheart

As has already been mentioned we adapt. Being alone all of the time has it's drawbacks but so too I imagine does being surrounded by people all of the time. Yet in each case after becoming inured to the negative aspects, you can often learn to develop a profound attachment to the way you live your life.

It's pretty much the same as prisoners or military personel becoming institutionalized.


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## shadowmask

The funny thing is that I'm just the opposite. I used to be accustomed to my solitude and even embraced it, but as I've aged, I've realized how many opportunities and experiences I've missed out on, and I find myself wanting more and more to reintegrate myself into society, so to speak. Make friends, travel, just have fun. The things people my age are supposed to do.

Unfortunately, my damn SA and a couple of other factors make this near impossible at the moment. But gradually the black cloud that's lingered over my head for so long is dissapating and I have at least a glimmer of hope that things can change.


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## coldmorning

When I was younger, I used to get very lonely and always wanted to be around others. Nowadays I can go weeks without socializing and feel fine. That's kind of scary. It's also a choice I make... I don't have to be alone. But increasingly, I isolate myself. I'm gradually losing touch with friends & acquaintances I made in the past.


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## hopena

I read a great blog post, early last year, by someone who just didn't like people very much. They resented being expected to take a pill that might change their personality, because they didn't feel abnormal. I wish I could find that blog again...

It's normal for some.  I know someone who just doesn't like being around people that much. He has his sociable moments, but he told me that he felt at peace being home alone for a couple of days. As soon as he socializes, he feels stressed and uncomfortable. It seems as though the only thing he's missing is a romantic relationship.


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## hopena

epril said:


> Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.
> 
> Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside.
> 
> So, both scenarios, I'm alone


This is me, most of the time...


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## facade

epril said:


> Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.
> 
> Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside.
> 
> So, both scenarios, I'm alone


This is how I have been feeling recently too...One day I am fine with being alone, the next day depressed putting myself down for all the things I cannot seem to do and would really like to be able to go out and enjoy myself without feeling anxiety. Seems like a never ending cycle:um


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## Tungsten

Addicted is a good way to put it. I think being alone for so long has helped me become really adept at finding ways to entertain myself. It's a blessing and a curse because it also serves to keep me inside my comfort zone nearly all the time. As long as I stay busy the feelings of loneliness don't seem so bad, but during idle moments and especially late at night when I'm trying to fall sleep it really hits me that I'm missing out on an important aspect of life.


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## PickleNose

I don't know if addicted is the word I'd pick but yeah. Beyond my closest family members and a few people online, I don't have much desire to ever be around people and wish I could secure a way to be left alone forever. And online is different anyway because you can communicate without really dealing with people.

The best is being alone in bed in the dark. Whole world blotted out. I've always done whatever needed to be done to be alone.


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## Squid24

It's really something I've struggled with these past few months, I can't figure out whether my lack of desire for social interactions is a cause or a consequence of my problems. I know I've never felt lonely in my life despite a near total absence of interactions with others. If I craved for relationship I suppose it would force me to talk to someone every once in a while. Maybe it's a bit of both, but I'm pretty sure I'm not a very social person to start with.


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## Kelly065

I seem to either want to be alone or have my boyfriend around me 24/7. There is no in-between for me. I either use him as a crutch or want to be completely alone. I feel very pathetic.


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## caithiggs

Hi everyone. I'm caithiggs, and I am an aloneaholic.


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## TheCactus

*Ditto*



Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?
> 
> I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


I am in the same boat. Ended the second of two atrocious, draining relationships in October 2007; initially, I spent a lot of time drinking with people I thought were my friends, but were actually leeches. As of September 2009, I just cut ties with every one. With the exception of work and school, I have no contact with anyone. I go bowling by myself, drink by myself, travel by myself, etc. No leeches, No body. I've become accustomed to being alone. Don't even try to date anymore because every woman just takes it for granted that I am supposed to pay for her time. If it weren't for fear of AIDS/HIV and herpes, I would just patronize hookers; in the short run, FAR less BS, FAR less drama, FAR less waste of money. I've reached the point where I wrap myself in my loneliness. There just isn't any need to be around people when most are primarily interested in what they can get out of you.


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## TheCactus

outcast69 said:


> How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.


Becoming addicted to solitude is easier than one thinks. In my case, I grew up lonely, even when I had friends around me. Unfortunately, sad childhood invariably leads to a sadder adulthood.


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## AK32

I want a relationship, but I've been alone so long that I'm afraid I wouldn't know how to act in one.


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## Belshazzar

The most succinctly it can be put:

Nixon: You know those parties of yours? The ones I read about in the newspapers. Do you actually enjoy those?
Frost: Of course.
Nixon: You got no idea how fortunate that makes you. Liking people. Being liked. Having that facility, that lightness, that charm. I don't have it, I never did.
-Frost/Nixon


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## Banana Cream

Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?
> 
> I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


I am hoping this is just a phase of agoraphobia. I always had mild SA but these days leave my house even an hour, I can't wait to be home and alone.


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## Favturquoise

Interesting post. I think that for me it's the opposite- I want to socialize more, but can't get over my fear of judgement and heartbreak. It's okay to want to be alone for a short time. But when you desire to be alone all the time, for a very Long period of time, you may wanna look into talking to your doc about depression, idk.


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## OregonMommy

Yes, I've felt like this for a long time. It's like a habit, the strong desire to be alone, and not with others. I demand my alone time, most of the time!! Some one said we can become addicted to anything, including thoughts, behavior patterns, etc., because it becomes part of the brain chemistry. The only way to break out of it I suppose, I don't know any other way except to get out of your comfort zone and get exposure, little by little.


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## caroleas

The only time I don't feel odd or awkward or "different" is when I am alone or just with my husband. The rest of the time, I feel like I am one step behind everyone else. I envy those women who get together for a coffee at the local coffee shop once a week, and yet I'd be terrified to join them (not that they have asked).


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## Amocholes

I have always preferred to do things on my own even before I developed SA.


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## blueypooey

Yes.. i'm the same way.. unfortunately this has wrecked havoc on my career life. I've left 3 80K a year jobs due to SA. I'm killer at interviews, but when it comes to dealing with multiple people at meetings etc, I get overwelmed by dealing with people. I can sorta deal with my SA with a small amount of people to work with.. but otherwise it's a nightmare. This has caused massive depression for me.. as all of my potential of what i'm capable of cannot be reached..;/


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## millenniumman75

I just like having the extra time. Part of me feels like I would miss out by being with other people all of the time.


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## CeilingStarer

shadowmask said:


> The funny thing is that I'm just the opposite. I used to be accustomed to my solitude and even embraced it, but as I've aged, I've realized how many opportunities and experiences I've missed out on, and I find myself wanting more and more to reintegrate myself into society, so to speak. Make friends, travel, just have fun. The things people my age are supposed to do.
> 
> Unfortunately, my damn SA and a couple of other factors make this near impossible at the moment. But gradually the black cloud that's lingered over my head for so long is dissapating and I have at least a glimmer of hope that things can change.


This is my exact predicament. My youth is almost gone and it hurts.

I never thought I'd say this, but I recently realised that life means nothing without relationships. I used to love my little hobbies, and reclusive ways, but now I just feel empty and bored ****less most of the time. I certainly don't want to become a socialite, but the idea of a kind woman in my life and some extremely like-minded friends seems like a breath of fresh air. I think I'd get passionate about living, and actually enjoy my alone time again.

You start cutting people off and it feels good, like you can finally live in peace without stress, and do what you want (I still enjoy it some days)... but, it ultimately becomes empty bull****.


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## Bon

I prefer to do things alone. I'm now at a stage I don't know if I could ever live with another person, if so, they would have to know I need plenty of alone time, no loud noise we can be in the same house, just give me an area that's mine, and stay away from me for an allotted time.
Oh, and they can't mess with my "stuff" I like "my" house a certain way, I would have trouble giving this up, keep your crap out;-)


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## demureCat

Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?


For me pleasurable things happen when I'm by myself. Not continuously of course, just often enough. So in a sense, it plays out like a gambling addiction; infrequent rewards make it that much more addictive.



Amelia said:


> I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. *I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence.* Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


True dat.


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## RedTulip

Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?
> 
> I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.


You read my mind Amelia. I feel this way most of the time. I do work so I do interact somewhat and the occasional friend outing which hasn't happened in ages. However, I'm alone more than not. When I do go out, sometimes I can't wait to get back home. It drains me.


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## howard26

I don't know if i could live with another person. I guess that the females i've been in contact with give me the impression that they want to clean house, have things in order, and run a tight ship. I wouldn't last one day. I like to put a movie on, pause it, play guitar, turn my amp up, go outside feed the birds, fix a snack, continue the movie, pause it, get on the internet for a while, etc. What would the other person do when i'm doing this? I guess i fear the pressure of having to be "on", or having to entertain, and not being able to totally relax. I'm leaving the door open, ofcourse, but am very skeptical. Every once in a while when i'm half asleep, i tense up and think that i'm living with someone. I don't want to get in trouble for doing the wrong thing


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## Snuffy

Amelia said:


> Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?


I've never minded being alone, but I didn't feel that I _had_ to be alone to escape stress until I entered puberty. It's like once I had to start wearing a bra, everything began falling apart, anxiety-wise. There have been a handful of moments since then when I've really enjoyed others' company in a social setting, but most of the time I need solitude - to relax, to collect my thoughts, or to indulge some fantasy or other for entertainment. While I'm not often bothered by my lack of drive for a social life, it does seem a bit "inhuman", in a way (which may be partly why some non-SA people react so negatively to it)...


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## Madam

I'm a creature of solitude...I love being alone and cannot wait for the times I will be... I hate visitors and all the nicey fake pleasantries with neighbours and people you come across.

Maybe I have just never come across a real 'friend' Friends I have had in the past have become more of a chore than fun. You know if you don't phone x amounts of time in a week they go in a huff....if you don't feel like meeting up they take it badly...when you can't be bothered talking on the phone for 2 hours they don't call for weeks....so in the end most of my friendships fizzled out and I never saw them again...

I also see all the ladies meeting up weekly for their coffees in town and sitting at terraces sipping wine and feel a pang of loneliness and slight jealousy but then deep down I know I wouldn't enjoy it anyway LOL

If I could I would up and leave and move into the sticks somewhere with nobody for miles with loads of animals...walk around how I want and be how I want without having to meet social expectations of others.

Social interaction is overrated and very shallow in my opinion - me, myself and I are not hahahahaha


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## OregonMommy

^ I have _one _girl friend who I know is not shallow, and not huffy if we don't talk every week or what have you. We live 8 hours away. It is understood that we both have busy lives, and when we do connect we support each other in our lives on the phone or e-mail.
I see her in person maybe 1-2 times a year and we usually do something fun.
So not all friends are superficial or huffy.
Oh, we have some wonderful conversations! I completely trust her. That is saying a lot because the basis of my SA has to do with trusting people.

I understand, so much what it's like to see ladies out for tea or coffee. This pang of loneliness, and even inadequacy and jealousy comes along. I've felt this so many times! The sad thing is that I think I would enjoy having tea or coffee out with the ladies, or a friend or friends for a night out. It makes it much worse that I think I would enjoy it. The reason why I know this is because temporarily I experienced it in early college days. And I miss it. I just don't get people who need to be around people, have friends all the time. I see them almost as being afflicted as some one who is lonely or with SA.
I crave my alone time, I love alone time, and I think solitude is a gift. Too much of it is not good, though. I've had fantasies of moving out in a quiet, peaceful place in the country with only the company of animals, how simple and peaceful that would be. But we are social creatures and have to have some kind of social contact, so I know full seclusion wouldn't work.
Unfortunately, I've always felt like this since I've known, and don't think it will never change.


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## Madam

You know OregonMommy....if we lived nearby you sound just like the kind of person I would love to have coffee with once a week   And I don't say that a lot x Are there virtual starbucks??? 'grins' 

Just don't go ruining my fantasy of living in the sticks somewhere..the place no matter how far out would obviously need to have internet LOL


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## OregonMommy

^ Thanks . Well you can PM me here anytime.
There are virtual tea and coffeehouses . You can go on and talk about whatever you want, in your own time. .

You can have whatever fantasy you want. I picture a pretty chalet or cabin with my own garden and farm animals, & dogs. Heck, it may even come true one day.


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## Madam

oooh your fantasy place sounds great....

I came across this cottage a while ago...close to the woods and beach (6km)
... would add a big vegetable garden and fruit trees...pygmy goats to keep the grass down... 2 pot bellied pigs...add dogs, cats and anything else furry and I would be content.

Only thing missing is a little water stream at the end of the garden 

It is in a very small village ...so would still come across some people...

http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p91302

Now to win the lottery and buy it :clap:clap I would move there....


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## tabbycat

I think to me it's addictive to stay home away from people. I feel sheltered away from people who might judge me for God knows what. I haven't been to church now for the past three months or so and my family doesn't understand. I enjoy having no pressure to be ready by a certain time and like not having to deal with the formalities of socializing...I can't handle small-talk. Anyway I am an official hermit now, lol.


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## natureiscalming

It's nice to know I'm not the only one.
It's easier to be alone because I don't have to worry about not being cool enough or being judged. Also as an introvert, being alone recharges your batteries, and being around people is tiring. The Introvert Advantage is a good resource, I learned a lot about myself.


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## mcmuffinme

I honestly only want to hang out maybe 2 times a week, 3 times max. Other people think I'm weird, but as long as I'm comfortable I don't care too much. It'd be nice to have someone to share my life with, but I don't know of any instant cures for the situation so I figure why worry too much about it. I'll just do my best and see what comes of it. Hopefully someone great comes along, but I'm not holding my breathe at this point.


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## OregonMommy

Even when I'm not alone, such as times when I'm with people, I still feel alone; or with the hubby, still feel alone. It's an illusion, it's the ego talking, it's an addiction to the loneliness and an identification with it.


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## Visionary

I like having my alone time to think by myself without any interuption. However, It gets depressing knowing that you barely have anyone near you to trust or to do things with you. erm, maybe I haven't experienced much interaction with other individuals, but I don't mind the occassional get to gether once every week. Depending on the situation of course.


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## dannyTX

Tungsten said:


> Addicted is a good way to put it. I think being alone for so long has helped me become really adept at finding ways to entertain myself. It's a blessing and a curse because it also serves to keep me inside my comfort zone nearly all the time. As long as I stay busy the feelings of loneliness don't seem so bad, but during idle moments and especially late at night when I'm trying to fall sleep it really hits me that I'm missing out on an important aspect of life.


I agree. I really do find it easy to entertain myself. However at the same time I always feel a bit of sadness, thinking that outside my front door the world is passing me by.

For instance, I love to find good places to eat that also offer take-out so I dont have to eat alone in public, thus announcing to the world that i'm alone.


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## theEscapist

I hate being alone, but the stress of being around people is less desirable than sitting around in my apartment all day feeling sorry for myself.


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## antonina

outcast69 said:


> How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.


Some people are very high on introversion and actually require time alone to recharge. They usually don't desire to be completely alone though.

Other people may be on the autistic spectrum and truly feel no desire for it.


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## markanton

7 years after this post abruptly stopped, I come here to revive it to find answers to the very same perpetual question.

For over an year now, I have become way too comfortable being "with myself". I am an engineer turned MBA currently working for a product engineering firm in the business development team. I can't exactly say if my "preference" to be by myself is hampering my career, but I know at the back of my mind that its not exactly normal.

So, after hopping across a few Google links, I landed on this shrine of a thread looking for answers. Well, at least I found some perfectly similar situations from other people in this forum. My question is still this, "Is there a solution? An event that can turnaround things restoring us to our sociable behavior or do we need medication?". What's the deal exactly?

Really looking forward to an active discussion (the irony being, I would never have an active discussion in the physical realm)


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## Typhoid Mary

markanton said:


> My question is still this, "Is there a solution? An event that can turnaround things restoring us to our sociable behavior or do we need medication?". What's the deal exactly?
> 
> Really looking forward to an active discussion (the irony being, I would never have an active discussion in the physical realm)


I can only speak for myself, as it feels like I'm the only person here who doesn't struggle with loneliness. I simply don't feel it. I have AvPD and honestly have no desire to change. I've considered I may also have schizoid personality disorder based on this, but I haven't been diagnosed.

I imagine the first step for me is to learn to actually _want_ to be around people. I can't see there being a pill to change my way of thinking, or to suddenly make me _feel_. Cognitive behavioral therapy seems the only solution in that regard.


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## unemployment simulator

yea in regards to feelings of loneliness are now less strong than my desire to be alone, I have felt like this a long time. I think also, the balance of going out and the stress it causes usually outweighs any enjoyment I get out of the experience. I don't know if I have that much of a desire to change this though, I did have once when I was younger, but currently it's more a realisation there is nothing I can do to shift the balance into more "normal" lifestyle. I don't want to be around people for the sake of being around people. sometimes I have been with people and never felt more lonely than in those moments.


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## Overdrive

unemployment simulator said:


> I think also, the balance of going out and the stress it causes usually outweighs any enjoyment I get out of the experience.


Every fuking time, you know it's gonna be bad... Each time i got back from going out i feel drained, have to take a nap or sleep from all this anxiety crap.


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## unemployment simulator

Overdrive said:


> Every fuking time, you know it's gonna be bad... Each time i got back from going out i feel drained, have to take a nap or sleep from all this anxiety crap.


yea I feel you, I get really tired, it can take a lot out of me mentally especially in a crowded city.


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## WillYouStopDave

My basic feeling on this notion of "addiction" is as follows...

I have noticed a pattern in what is considered an addiction. If there's anything you tend to do that everyone else wants you to not do, their immediate response will likely to be something along the lines of saying you're addicted to something or you have some kind of mental illness that makes you incapable of choosing to remain the way you are. Because if you're free to choose to remain the way you are, they can't force you to change. See how that works? Yeah. Pretty shady. 

I can't say I blame them. I mean, their whole society is a house of cards that depends on (one way or another) keeping everyone in line. It's not exactly the law that you MUST be sociable. It's just that society will do absolutely everything it can to make your life a living hell if you have the slightest tendency to not be.

So it's like one of those unwritten laws where you can't really argue with it because there's no one in particular to argue with. You'll just end up endlessly having the same old arguments with random people forever.

My dream is that someday there will be so many individuals who insist upon being left alone that it will be impossible to shout them down and try to change their behavior through force. Of course this will be the end of society as we know it. Which I guess is a twisted dream to have. It won't be a pleasant time when and if it ever happens. Something will have to give somewhere.


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## Typhoid Mary

WillYouStopDave said:


> I can't say I blame them. I mean, their whole society is a house of cards that depends on (one way or another) keeping everyone in line. It's not exactly the law that you MUST be sociable. It's just that society will do absolutely everything it can to make your life a living hell if you have the slightest tendency to not be.


It's just another thing I blame the media for. Watching all these happy happy sitcoms, gives people and idealistic view of how life should be. And if you don't conform to this Cleaveresque life there must be something wrong with you.



> My dream is that someday there will be so many individuals who insist upon being left alone that it will be impossible to shout them down and try to change their behavior through force.


I think there are a lot more introverts and avoidants out there than society realises. It's the nature of the beast. The dream is for us to finally stand up and cheer.

We're here! We're uncomfortable! And we want to go home!


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## fluorish

Yep!! been this way for quite some time, im conditioned to it. but been wanting out of it finally this year.


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## Twilightforce

No. I just find people annoying.


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## zork20001

Does anyone feel like… I don’t know the older you get the more invisible you become. I was always under the belief that 38 was the cutoff year when you become just another old dude in the background; everyone I told this to would just laugh and disagree with me but it happened this year I turned 38 and just this last week I went to home Depot to get some custom paint, I was face to face with this guy trying to work out how I could get a color match with some old paint I had; I was working with him for like 10 minutes, he walked off to grab the paint and mix it, I steeped off to the side of the counter so I was not in the way, he comes back to the counter few minutes later does a couple other little things looks and sees me standing on the side of the counter looks straight at me and says “Sir have you been helped yet”. I don’t know why but it actually hurt my feelings.


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## markanton

Twilightforce said:


> No. I just find people annoying.


See? That is actually a problem. There is something seriously wrong with finding people annoying. I want to dig to the root of this situation, find out if there was one or a series of events that made us antisocial. Have we been let down too many times by people? Or were we wrong in having high expectations from the ones around us?


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## PasstheCarbs

I believe we're made to feel sad about being alone and feeling bad about not going out and not socializing with strangers. "It isn't normal!" your inner voice says as you reprimand yourself for being a weirdo. I need to do this and that and most of the time its to appease group X so they believe I'm 'normal' like them instead of any benefit to you usually at some sort of risk. What is consider 'normal' is always changing. Used to be normal to sleep outside under the stars. Used to be normal that everyone grew and hunted their own food. Used to be normal to cut your own hair with a dull rock. Used to be normal to travel by foot, horse, and boat. Since we're raised by the previous generation from a previous version of what the world used to be like. Things like "get out more it isn't normal to stay home all day!" get ingrained in our (the next gen) heads from the time we're kids but that old dead world of affordable healthcare and higher education is long gone.

Not going out and socializing with strangers to me sounds far more 'normal' than spending money on those endeavors that you don't have in today's modern world run entirely on those green back. Especially when you look at the boom of technology that allows you to stay connected with people all around the world without leaving your house not to mention the home entertainment industry as a whole. That physical face-2-face experience becomes optional when you can stay in touch and talk to people online for free (well, a cable bill) without the inconvenience of needing some form of transportation since all the horses are gone now and its not 'normal' to get around on one anymore. 

It wasn't normal for my parents and grandparents. It is normal for me. I'm totally fine with being alone. Them? Yeesh... that's all I can say.


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## Typhoid Mary

markanton said:


> See? That is actually a problem. There is something seriously wrong with finding people annoying. I want to dig to the root of this situation, find out if there was one or a series of events that made us antisocial. Have we been let down too many times by people? Or were we wrong in having high expectations from the ones around us?


I like quiet. I find people annoying when they speak too much. People have such a presence. Their very being is noise to me. I know that sounds rude, but it is what it is. I can take people in small doses, but eventually I need them to be very still and very quiet.

As a solitary person, my pursuits are solitary. When someone is in my pace, and can't pursue my pursuits. There's this pressure to entertain them. They're intrusive on my time.

Cripes, maybe I am autistic or have Asperger syndrome.


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## The Library of Emma

Typhoid Mary said:


> I like quiet. I find people annoying when they speak too much. *People have such a presence.* Their very being is noise to me. I know that sounds rude, but it is what it is. I can take people in small doses, but eventually I need them to be very still and very quiet.
> 
> As a solitary person, my pursuits are solitary. When someone is in my pace, and can't pursue my pursuits. There's this pressure to entertain them. They're intrusive on my time.
> 
> Cripes, maybe I am autistic or have Asperger syndrome.


When they're there, they make you know they're there. There's very little co-existence that is completely quiet.

I get easily irritated like this at times, especially if I'm tired or haven't had enough time alone. I'll become increasingly aware of the person's presence to the point that I can't stand any noise they make, and will have to leave. It ends up being very emotionally draining.

It doesn't matter what self-talk i give myself or how much i'd rather ignore them, it just happens.

I've wondered if i was asocial partly because of this, but i can also get very clingy/needy under certain circumstances so probably not.


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## Typhoid Mary

She and Her Darkness said:


> When they're there, they make you know they're there. There's very little co-existence that is completely quiet.


I think my parents had it figured out. When I was a kid, after dinner my dad would go up to the den, and my mom would stay in the TV room, and I'd go up to my bedroom. This was a perfect example of peaceful coexistence. We had dinner together, and then we sought out our own space.

Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for us. Was I already predisposed to this kind of behaviour, or is this one of the many things that led me to be the antisocial person I am now?


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## socialanxiety88

I wouldn't say I'm addicted to being alone, but I prefer to be alone most of the time. I loathe human interaction, unless it's with my husband and my mom. And even then, sometimes it can be too much after awhile.

I think it's empowering that we can all enjoy our own company. I mean, how many people are hanging out with people that don't truly care about them, just so they won't be alone? For me, the perfect day is just hanging out at home with my husband and playinf video games, watching TV, etc.

Maybe it has to do with my age (I'm less than a full year away from being 30), but the older I get, the more I would rather just avoid people altogether. I know this isn't healthy, but I've been like this my whole life. I've never felt the need to be around a bunch of people.


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## forever in flux




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