# Pressure to have sex keeps me away from relationships - anyone else?



## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I feel like I am the only person on the Earth who is tired of making friends or dating with guys because sex is a "natural" part of a relationship and I don't want it.

Those guys who talks to me I drive away because I don't want to have sex. I do enjoy of boyfriend's company just not interested of sex. Yuckh :sus


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Have you had sex and just don't like it? Or you haven't had it yet? I haven't met many girls who dislike sex.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Have you had sex and just don't like it? Or you haven't had it yet? I haven't met many girls who dislike sex.


Still a virgin. I don't feel good about trying it.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Maybe you're asexual. Nothing wrong with that.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

laura024 said:


> Maybe you're asexual. Nothing wrong with that.


I am not.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

I'm sure there's someone out there that feels the same way as you, but for me personally if sex wasn't an option I don't think I could do it.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

someone pressure me! im ready


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## Fair Lady (Jul 3, 2012)

No, you're not the only one, I feel exactly the same way as you :<


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Fair Lady said:


> No, you're not the only one, I feel exactly the same way as you :<


How you manage your relationships?


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## Fair Lady (Jul 3, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> How you manage your relationships?


I don't plan to be in any relationship :stu


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Fair Lady said:


> I don't plan to be in any relationship :stu


ok 

I wish to be some day again. Just don't know how to handle this mess.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I am not.


 So are you afraid of having sex?


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

meeps said:


> So are you afraid of having sex?


And I think it is one most of the disgusting things in the world.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> And I think it is one most of the disgusting things in the world.


I'd be interested in hearing if there are any other girls here that felt the same way until they lost their virginity.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

How do you get any fulfilment out of a relationship without sex, or at least the expectation of it? It's called "love-making" for a reason.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> And I think it is one most of the disgusting things in the world.


Are you a germophobe/neatfreak about things in general? Most people can overlook the grossness factor because they have a sex drive and the messyness can be a turn-on too. Sex is kinda gross if you think about it, but nowhere near the level of eating poop or rolling around in garbage or something.

I think you may be a little asexual.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

shnbwmn said:


> How do you get any fulfilment out of a relationship without sex, or at least the expectation of it? It's called "love-making" for a reason.


How you are NOT getting it without sex? How empty your relationships are in emotional and physical level if sex is not count?


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

meeps said:


> Are you a germophobe/neatfreak about things in general? Most people can overlook the grossness factor because they have a sex drive and the messyness can be a turn-on too. Sex is kinda gross if you think about it, but nowhere near the level of eating poop or rolling around in garbage or something.
> 
> I think you may be a little asexual.


It is not so much about that stuff included. It is more about doing things inside of a human. I think that is plain gross. I don't want to have anything in me I am just fine without.


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## oxxygen (Jul 11, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> And I think it is one most of the disgusting things in the world.


What part of it do you find so disgusting? Just curious 
I was extremely nervous about sex when I was a virgin, but I never thought about it as something disgusting.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

You'll find someone eventually who will show you a good time in bed and you'll enjoy sex from then on. It's like any other fear. You do it and expose yourself to it and then you get over it and wonder why you were ever scared to begin with.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

oxxygen said:


> What part of it do you find so disgusting? Just curious
> I was extremely nervous about sex when I was a virgin, but I never thought about it as something disgusting.


Everything which involves actions with downstairs.



rymo said:


> You'll find someone eventually who will show you a good time in bed and you'll enjoy sex from then on. It's like any other fear. You do it and expose yourself to it and then you get over it and wonder why you were ever scared to begin with.


It is not. I am 35, if it would be like any other fear I would tried it with my ex already. I did not wanted to lose our relationship and did everything I could to open my mind for sex but that did not happened anyway.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> Those guys who talks to me I drive away because I don't want to have sex. I do enjoy of boyfriend's company just not interested of sex. Yuckh :sus


What about kissing? Why not just get a close friend then. Doesn't make sense to be in relationship if you don't ever want to have sex, does it?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> Everything which involves actions with downstairs.
> 
> It is not. I am 35, if it would be like any other fear I would tried it with my ex already. I did not wanted to lose our relationship and did everything I could to open my mind for sex but that did not happened anyway.


If it's like any other fear you _wouldn't_ have tried it, because you would be too scared. The only way to 'open your mind' to something is to just take the plunge, and you didn't. Anyway, I wonder why you think sex is disgusting...something bad must have happened when you were a child is my guess.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

leave me alone said:


> What about kissing? Why not just get a close friend then. Doesn't make sense to be in relationship if you don't ever want to have sex, does it?


Yes it does sense for me. I like romantic guys, I like love, I like to be in romantic relationship with a guy. People sound like they do nothing else than sex with their partners, lol... Relationship is much more than just sex or an friendship. Kissing is ok.


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## Whimbrella (Aug 22, 2012)

Do you enjoy other types of contact, like someone giving you a hug, or holding hands, or kissing?

You don't have to ever do something that doesn't feel good to you. Sex isn't everything. It might help if you are fairly open about this issue when you make a new relationship. The right person will understand and support you, so try not to worry about anyone who doesn't. 

At the same time, I would say don't write it off completely as something you will never do. Obviously lots of people find that sex is enjoyable, and it's perfectly fine if it's not for you, but if you give yourself the opportunity to explore it gently at your own pace you might find things that you enjoy. Whatever works for you is all that really matters.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> Yes it does sense for me. I like romantic guys, I like love, I like to be in romantic relationship with a guy. People sound like they do nothing else than sex with their partners, lol... Relationship is much more than just sex or an friendship. Kissing is ok.


Sex can be very romantic too. Not that I would know, but it seems to me like it is the most amazing experience when two people are very much into each other.


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## silicone93 (Jul 19, 2012)

I didn't have sex with my gf until after a month after we got together, I wasn't particularly wanting to lose my virginity, but we were madly in love and it was building up to it


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I'm sure it would be an issue for me if I got in a relationship. a)I really would hate to have to take birth control just to avoid pregnancy because I'm not a fan of taking pills unless I absolutely have to, and I bet those things have side effects. b) If I get pregnant my life is over because my parents would call me a **** (if not married) and tell me I'll go to hell if I have an abortion. I have no money of my own and would first have to make at least 40 grand a year to move out of my parents' house, to get an abortion and pay for it myself. There are so many issues that I would have with having sex that make me put off relationships until I'm at least 28-30.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

It sounds like you have had some sort of unhealthy introduction or overall view of sex. It's not disgusting, it's natural. It's one thing to be asexual and just uninterested, it's another to feel completely abhorred by it and almost...afraid? Maybe the idea is unappealing to you, but it's really not bad. Relationship wise, it can be very romantic. Most people desire that for a reason. 

Have you ever tried talking to a doctor about it? It may be a psychological thing. No one's forcing you of course, you can do whatever you want and feel comfortable with. But if it is a concern to you, at all, and about forming future relationships, you could try talking to a psychologist or someone professional about it.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

There is a possiblity you are asexual, sex is not gross, only if you don't care about them then that is more like a violent act more than a nice one. Are you on some kind of medication. I've lost my sex drive recently.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Did you get this from your mom or dad? Did they tell you sex was gross and only dirty ****s enjoyed it? Were you abused as a child?


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I feel like I am the only person on the Earth who is tired of making friends or dating with guys because sex is a "natural" part of a relationship and I don't want it.
> 
> Those guys who talks to me I drive away because I don't want to have sex. I do enjoy of boyfriend's company just not interested of sex. Yuckh :sus


Have you tried masturbating before? It may change your mind? idk.

You can always make a guy wait longer to make sure its not just about sex. If it is just about sex, a guy will just leave after not getting any for so long.

Do you find sex in a meaningful relationship yuck? why??

Do you just feel like there is too much pressure to have sex early on, when you dont really feel that connection with someone??


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

rymo said:


> If it's like any other fear you _wouldn't_ have tried it, because you would be too scared. The only way to 'open your mind' to something is to just take the plunge, and you didn't. Anyway, I wonder why you think sex is disgusting...something bad must have happened when you were a child is my guess.


I am afraid of the dark but I still go outside. If I would be disgusted by dark I would not go.



Whimbrella said:


> Do you enjoy other types of contact, like someone giving you a hug, or holding hands, or kissing?
> 
> You don't have to ever do something that doesn't feel good to you. Sex isn't everything. It might help if you are fairly open about this issue when you make a new relationship. The right person will understand and support you, so try not to worry about anyone who doesn't.
> 
> At the same time, I would say don't write it off completely as something you will never do. Obviously lots of people find that sex is enjoyable, and it's perfectly fine if it's not for you, but if you give yourself the opportunity to explore it gently at your own pace you might find things that you enjoy. Whatever works for you is all that really matters.


Yes I do like holding etc. I know, that is why I am still a virgin. I am lucky because those guys I met so far has been understanding. Nobody of them forced me to go further than I felt I can.



silicone93 said:


> I didn't have sex with my gf until after a month after we got together, I wasn't particularly wanting to lose my virginity, but we were madly in love and it was building up to it


After a month? I dated with this one guy 6 years and he got nothing.



Freiheit said:


> I'm sure it would be an issue for me if I got in a relationship. a)I really would hate to have to take birth control just to avoid pregnancy because I'm not a fan of taking pills unless I absolutely have to, and I bet those things have side effects. b) If I get pregnant my life is over because my parents would call me a **** (if not married) and tell me I'll go to hell if I have an abortion. I have no money of my own and would first have to make at least 40 grand a year to move out of my parents' house, to get an abortion and pay for it myself. There are so many issues that I would have with having sex that make me put off relationships until I'm at least 28-30.


That is sad. You are removing your love life because of your parents.



A Toxic Butterfly said:


> It sounds like you have had some sort of unhealthy introduction or overall view of sex. It's not disgusting, it's natural. It's one thing to be asexual and just uninterested, it's another to feel completely abhorred by it and almost...afraid? Maybe the idea is unappealing to you, but it's really not bad. Relationship wise, it can be very romantic. Most people desire that for a reason.
> 
> Have you ever tried talking to a doctor about it? It may be a psychological thing. No one's forcing you of course, you can do whatever you want and feel comfortable with. But if it is a concern to you, at all, and about forming future relationships, you could try talking to a psychologist or someone professional about it.


The answer was "not everyone have to have sex". I know there is guys like me also but I never met a one. It would be perfect to just being in a relationship with someone who feels same about this but we cannot choose who we meet in this life. Sexless relationship would be best but there is no that kind of relationships available.



Lonelygirl1986 said:


> There is a possiblity you are asexual, sex is not gross, only if you don't care about them then that is more like a violent act more than a nice one. Are you on some kind of medication. I've lost my sex drive recently.


No meds. It sure look and sound more like violent act.



komorikun said:


> Did you get this from your mom or dad? Did they tell you sex was gross and only dirty ****s enjoyed it? Were you abused as a child?


I get this every day from media and including this forum it is everyhere. This general attitude spit women every day.



Invisiblehandicap said:


> Have you tried masturbating before? It may change your mind? idk.
> 
> You can always make a guy wait longer to make sure its not just about sex. If it is just about sex, a guy will just leave after not getting any for so long.
> 
> ...


No, after 6 years I still found it yuck.

It bothers me only when I meet guys and I have a crush (=often, lol). Because most of guys want sex sooner or later and other part ofme wants to be in a relationship but other part cannot take this stress. Also I believe in fair game, this guy knew how I felt he said no rush and blah blah. Still he was trying all the time.. That kinda ruins a relationship, lol


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Do you masturbate? Is it sex with a guy or the concept of sex you dislike? 

You seem to think you know what sex is like without ever having it. I don't think you can fully judge something until you try it. Seems like this is more about fear than disgust.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I get this every day from media and including this forum it is everyhere. This general attitude spit women every day.


..what?


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

The actual problem here is your views on sex/sexuality, and not the fact that you can't find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you without having sex.
The latter is easy to fix: have friends and stay away from guys who want a relationship.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> How you are NOT getting it without sex? How empty your relationships are in emotional and physical level if sex is not count?


Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that relationships are all about sex; in fact I'm against that. But when a relationship comes to a point when the 2 partners are in complete love and harmony with each other, then they want to express that physically to each other ... and voila, le sex. It's an act of fulfilment in a relationship.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

What kind of guy would stick around for 6 years without getting any...my god that poor, poor *******.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

shnbwmn said:


> Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that relationships are all about sex; in fact I'm against that. But when a relationship comes to a point when the 2 partners are in complete* love and harmony with each other*, then they want to express that physically to each other ... and voila, le sex. It's an act of fulfilment in a relationship.


Pretty thought but since people sex around like rabbits, cheat etc. I don't find any connection between sex and love but just fullfilling their sexual needs.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

rymo said:


> What kind of guy would stick around for 6 years without getting any...my god that poor, poor *******.


He was fun, handsome and rich


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I feel pressure in explaining why I am a virgin, which is kind of the same thing.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> Pretty thought but since people sex around like rabbits, cheat etc. I don't find any connection between sex and love but just fullfilling their sexual needs.


As with anything it can be done for the right reasons or the wrong ones. Fulfilling one's sexual needs isn't a bad reason, but it's when it's done without love that it becomes just an act. Even in the Bible sex is a good thing, because it's an act of love towards one's partner. Sex before marriage and sex with someone else while in a relationship (aka, cheating) is strictly prohibited. Even scientifically it's valid - how would the species reproduce without sex?


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I am afraid of the dark but I still go outside. If I would be disgusted by dark I would not go.
> 
> Yes I do like holding etc. I know, that is why I am still a virgin. I am lucky because those guys I met so far has been understanding. Nobody of them forced me to go further than I felt I can.
> 
> ...


Snowflake, you are a keeper in my book. Where have you been all my life? :nw. lol.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

theseventhkey said:


> Snowflake, you are a keeper in my book. Where have you been all my life? :nw. lol.


The 1th gate of hell


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

SnowFlakesFire said:


> The 1th gate of hell


Damn, too bad we are not allowed to "hell" jump. mad::bash lol.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

theseventhkey said:


> Damn, too bad we are not allowed to "hell" jump. mad::bash lol.


:lol


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## john1990 (Oct 20, 2012)

have you ever have urges to **** someone? have you ever been wet and feel tingly in your genitals and want to just play it with your hands?? if not, your'e just asexual.....


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## Shygirl427 (May 25, 2008)

SnowflakesFire just know that you are not alone. There are alot of things that people do not do just because they do not feel the need to (skydiving, traveling the world, drinking,). We all aren't built the same way and what seems right and "natural" for one will not always be such a need or desire for someone else. It doesn't mean something terrible has happened to her in the past. It just means that for now, in her personal feelings towards sex, she doesn't desire to have it. I'm a virgin too. And although I may have my own reasons for not having sex. I don't know why people are so quick to find out why someone doesn't want it as much as they do or why they feel the need to convince someone that something is wrong with them.

It's a personal decision that we all make. Rather to have sex or not. Yes, I know the scientific reasons that we should all want to :roll: but at the end of the day we all make our own decisions. And what's right for you isn't going to be right for me no matter how "wonderful" you say it is.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Freiheit said:


> I'm sure it would be an issue for me if I got in a relationship. a)I really would hate to have to take birth control just to avoid pregnancy because I'm not a fan of taking pills unless I absolutely have to, and I bet those things have side effects. b) If I get pregnant my life is over because my parents would call me a **** (if not married) and tell me I'll go to hell if I have an abortion. I have no money of my own and would first have to make at least 40 grand a year to move out of my parents' house, to get an abortion and pay for it myself. There are so many issues that I would have with having sex that make me put off relationships until I'm at least 28-30.


Where do you get that number 40 grand from? You can live on far less than that.


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Yes it does o: i find it gross to me maybe im just asexual though because sex is nothing that i care for, yea its nice but for me its not on my mind 24/7, its not something i would watch on tv or talk about or anything of that sort. I literally only see people as well people lol Maybe if i found the right guy i would have sex but other than that nope it keeps me away from guys. Except one guy i know and like because there is no pressure at all


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

arnie said:


> Where do you get that number 40 grand from? You can live on far less than that.


You can but it kinda sucks lol.


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## john1990 (Oct 20, 2012)

RawrJessiRawr said:


> Yes it does o: i find it gross to me maybe im just asexual though because sex is nothing that i care for, yea its nice but for me its not on my mind 24/7, its not something i would watch on tv or talk about or anything of that sort. I literally only see people as well people lol Maybe if i found the right guy i would have sex but other than that nope it keeps me away from guys. Except one guy i know and like because there is no pressure at all


i only want to have sex with right girl ( i have rejecting sex with my ex gf, she thought i'm gay lol ), with girl i love but i never see sex as gross and disgusting.
Well sex is not on my mind all the time, only some times but i still find sex as beautiful thing.......but thats because i'm not asexual, so i dont know how you guys/girls feel


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

arnie said:


> Where do you get that number 40 grand from? You can live on far less than that.


By working full time with a decent pay I guess. I'm not planning on doing any of this though. I know I can live on less than that but I'm kind of paranoid and would like to have extra saved up. Lol Some of the things I post on this site.


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