# How can you tell if a therapist is good or not without losing too much time?



## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

I am currently facing this very problem.
I am depressed because of various sicknesses I have and also fear of the future and studying. I have seen a therapist once now and so far it didn't really help me. I talked about my sickness and about my fear of exams and somehow I felt like the therapist didn't really grasp the size of my problems.
He didn't seem to be very affected by my many sicknesses and then he asked me stuff like what I needed to do to feel a tiny bit better every day and I said I don't know and he asked me again and again and I couldn't tell him.
I don't know what to think of such an approach. I am afraid that this stuff doesn't help me at all.
I mean my problems are so big that stuff like that doesn't work for me. For example if eating a piece of cake makes me feel a bit better then this isn't a solution for my problems. Shall I eat cake all day? Or if watching TV makes me feel better than having to do something else which I don't like then I still cannot watch TV all day.
I simply have so many reasons to be depressed that such things won't work for me. Now I don't know if this kind of approach is common or if there are also other approaches.
I was rather expecting to talk about my sicknesses and hear how to deal with them if this is even possible and not being asked what I could do to feel a bit better because this doesn't really help me.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

The therapist was probably trying to give you an idea of how to start coping. Of course you cannot watch TV and eat cake all day but you could make sure you do one or two nice things every single day. That won't make your problems go away but it will help a tiny bit. That tiny bit can make the difference between someone being just about able to hang in there or slipping into a major depression.


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## Ilio (Jul 16, 2009)

In my opinion a therapist has to help you battling your personal problems and he must have a concrete plan or method. If he is just talking a bit and giving useless tips, then he is not a good therapist. 
I've had therapist who did stupid games like "name 5 positive things about yourself" etc. Such therapists are not very helpful and a waste of time and money. Search for one who is doing real CBT.


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

Hello, how do I know what real CBT looks like?

Stuff like "do some things every day which make you feel a bit better" doesn't help me because it doesn't affect my real issues at all. I have things ahead of me which totally worry me. I have these huge hurdles in front of me and feel like my life depends on overcoming them. In such a situation advice like "do some things every day to make you feel better" does not help me one bit.

What I also found disappointing is that he did not even talk about my diseases. If he doesn't really pay much attention to what a person has and then simply goes over to the "what can you do to feel better" stuff then why do I even tell him my whole story? Then I could as well have told him nothing at all about me.
And also being told "you simply have to accept what you cannot change" is disappointing. Is that all? Do people study psychology for years to give that kind of advice!?!?

If I go to a therapist then even if he was not able to help me then it would still help me if he would at least talk with me about my problems and diseases and if I could somehow vent a bit but if he just jumps to asking stuff like what can you do to feel a tiny bit better every day then this isn't gonna help me.
I don't know if this works for others, but I do not feel better when I am told that other people are in worse situations and still manage to be happy. This doesn't help me one bit.
I am not other people. Just because other people can endure certain things and somehow be happy doesn't mean I can do the same. If I could somehow overcome my diseases or get over them then I would have been able to in all those years but I cannot. I simply can't. Every single time I am reminded of my diseases I become depressed.

I worry that psychology might not be able to help me.


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## Ilio (Jul 16, 2009)

Finding a good therapist isn't easy. Mostly it is trial and error. But I understand you don't have any time for this. And I know it is frustrating that your therapist isn't helping you, although he studied psychology. Maybe you can go to the library and search for some self-help books. Sometimes that is very helpful. 
I don't know what you are going through with your sicknesses, but don't lose courage. Try to focus on the things that are good. If possible try to do something active to get your mind of your problems. Exercise is very good for depression. Also try to get in contact with some fellow sufferers. 
I am really sorry I can't give you any better advice.
Take care!


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

But I can't go to 10 different psychologist and take 5 sessions with each one and then decide who is the best. I doubt that any insurance would pay for this. I think they will probably allow you to test 1 or 2 different ones but then you have to make a decision.


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## Ilio (Jul 16, 2009)

I don't know. In my country psychologists are not covered by insurance.


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

That sucks. I wouldn't be willing to pay for psychotherapy because if it doesn't work then you will feel even more crappy because it cost you money.


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