# If your boyfriend hit you would you ever trust him again?



## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Could be whatever reason like a fight getting heated or just because he was mad at something else and you were in the way or maybe there were drugs.

Could you forgive and trust again?

What would make you move past it vs having it lead to a break up?

(Thread #1 in this section for July 7, 2015)


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

idk it's difficult...


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

There is no reasonable excuse that would justify it.

If you'd accept it without your bf having to make some serious atonement and seeking behavioral help, I'm not sure what that really says about you.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

KyleInSTL said:


> There is no reasonable excuse that would justify it.
> 
> If you'd accept it without your bf having to make some serious atonement and seeking behavioral help, I'm not sure what that really says about you.


you don't have to sounds so judgmental about it :/


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## MetroCard (Nov 24, 2013)

I wouldn't trust him but I would probably still stay with him because I'd be too scared to break up.


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

I would never tolerate that under ANY circumstances.


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## saperson (Jun 28, 2015)

It would depend on a lot of things... the events leading up to the fight, the fight itself, and what happens after. But since I'm so desperate for any human contact, I'd say yes, i forgive her


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

gopherinferno said:


> you don't have to sounds so judgmental about it :/


My apologies...it wasn't really my intent. My judgement is on the abuser, not the victim.

And I took this thread to be about a first time occurrence and not a serial abuse where victims have become systematically broken down.

It honestly upset me that this kind of thread was even raised.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

KyleInSTL said:


> My apologies...it wasn't really my intent. My judgement is on the abuser, not the victim.
> 
> And I took this thread to be about a first time occurrence and not a serial abuse where victims have become systematically broken down.
> 
> It honestly upset me that this kind of thread was even raised.


my mom used to always say she had no respect for women who stayed and that seems very cruel because ...shut up, mom, not everyone is as strong an independent amazon woman as you okay? go eat your chocolate and hate on men some more

anyway yes this thread doesn't seem to have any point other than to stir up unpleasantness


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

If a gf ever did that to me, it would really depend on our history whether I would leave them or not.


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## starsfire (May 11, 2015)

Well it depends on what type of person you.are. i mean me and a boyfriend got into it one time and i stabbed him in the hand with a sword. Yes a sword lol not a knife and he had to go get stiches lol. We got over it. and there was plenty of trust. I knew he would never let anyone hurt me male or female.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

starsfire said:


> i mean me and a boyfriend got into it one time and i stabbed him in the hand with a sword. Yes a sword lol not a knife and he had to go get stiches lol.


OMG!!!!! I don't know whether to be scared or turned on.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Lol trust him again...

he'd be dead ...


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## starsfire (May 11, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> OMG!!!!! I don't know whether to be scared or turned on.


Lol. ^.^ to be fair he threw a tv at me. One time. So were even


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I can't say until I'm in that situation but that'd be very hard to deal with, I'd probably break up with them in most cases. There'd never be any excuse because I'd never hit someone so it's not like they'd be hitting me back. I'm not sure I'd be able to deal with that to be honest, I don't want to be with someone I can't feel safe around.



starsfire said:


> Lol. ^.^ to be fair he threw a tv at me. One time. So were even


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I can't say until I'm in that situation but that'd be very hard to deal with, I'd probably break up with them in most cases. There'd never be any excuse because I'd never hit someone so it's not like they'd be hitting me back. I'm not sure I'd be able to deal with that to be honest, I don't want to be with someone I can't feel safe around.


There could be plenty of excuses. Like having a bad day and losing control.

You may have meant that you'd never deserve it but not everything someone does to you is deserved.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

This doesn't include spanking right?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Waifu said:


> There could be plenty of excuses. Like having a bad day and losing control.
> 
> You may have meant that you'd never deserve it but not everything someone does to you is deserved.


What I meant is, there's no excuse I'd accept as reasonable if I didn't hit them first. We'd have to have been in a relationship for years, it would have to be the first time, and they'd have to be very apologetic about it for me to consider carrying on the relationship. Most people don't hit people when they're having a bad day.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

spanking?


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> What I meant is, there's no excuse I'd accept as reasonable if I didn't hit them first. We'd have to have been in a relationship for years, it would have to be the first time, and they'd have to be very apologetic about it for me to consider carrying on the relationship. Most people don't hit people when they're having a bad day.


I think you're expecting too much. It's common to take out anger physically though usually by hitting other guys.

Did you consider that maybe other couples don't really talk about things like this because of stigma and how everyone will assume getting hit = abuse?


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I'd dump them.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Waifu said:


> I think you're expecting too much. It's common to take out anger physically though usually by hitting other guys.
> 
> Did you consider that maybe other couples don't really talk about things like this because of stigma and how everyone will assume getting hit = abuse?


Yeah, I thought you'd try to get to this point with me, alright I'm out..

I think expecting a lack of physical violence in a relationship is the least you can expect. Frankly on a forum like this, with people that have self esteem issues, I find your blasé attitude disgusting. No one has to put up with someone hitting them.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Waifu said:


> I think you're expecting too much. It's common to take out anger physically though usually by hitting other guys.


Says the person who wants to be a forum moderator?
@TenYears, join me in a collective... F F S!


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Lashing out on his girlfriend of all people in a fit of rage, then who's to say your future kid won't get a crater knocked right into the side of his/her face, or just simply a future assault charge from some stranger (Those are fun) The guy probably needs help first before any dating happens again.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

Waifu said:


> I think you're expecting too much. It's common to take out anger physically though usually by hitting other guys.


Um. Really? I don't think there's any justification for physically acting out due to anger. There are so many ways to work through anger and conflict. The content of your comment is definitely not one of them.

While I think that SAS Mods should have a diversity of opinions, this particular opinion troubles me. If you're going to continue expressing interest in becoming a Mod, perhaps a self-review of principles is in order.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

crimeclub said:


> Lashing out on his girlfriend of all people in a fit of rage, then who's to say your future kid won't get a crater knocked right into the side of his/her face, or just simply a future assault charge from some stranger (Those are fun) The guy probably needs help first before any dating happens again.


**** happens.

It doesn't have to mean there's any deeper problem and you can go to anger management therapy while still being in a relationship and same with alcoholics anonymous there are plenty there who are married or dating.

There's this huge stigma and judgment about physical expressions but it's common and I think it's expecting way too much for someone to be perfect 100% of the time.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

shorefog said:


> Um. Really? I don't think there's any justification for physically acting out due to anger. There are so many ways to work through anger and conflict. The content of your comment is definitely not one of them.


I never said it's healthy just that it happens.

No one's perfect.

When you're mad don't you feel tense and sometimes even feel like making a fist? What if you had a ****ty boss who made you that mad every day?

Just one punch one time is actually pretty good self control.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Waifu said:


> **** happens.
> 
> It doesn't have to mean there's any deeper problem and you can go to anger management therapy while still being in a relationship and same with alcoholics anonymous there are plenty there who are married or dating.
> 
> There's this huge stigma and judgment about physical expressions but it's common and I think it's expecting way too much for someone to be perfect 100% of the time.


Physical violence doesn't fall under the "**** happens" category lol, it's a problem that should be dealt with and if you want to expose yourself to a relapse then that's your decision, good luck.

I got pissed at my kid and my anger management issues got the best of me and I punched her into paralysis. **** happens though!


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Hahaha.

I'd be laughing more if she wasn't trying to defend abuse.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

If he hit me once, it would be over, no questions. I don't have much respect for myself, but I have enough to get myself out of a relationship like that. I can have a short temper, but I would never hit someone.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Whenever this type of question is asked I always think of the scenario where the fight goes from yelling to the gal attacking or unrelentlessly throwing things resulting in a shot to simply stop her cold...I don't condone domestic violence but I could see myself being the guy acting in self defence


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Canadian Brotha said:


> Whenever this type of question is asked I always think of the scenario where the fight goes from yelling to the gal attacking or unrelentlessly throwing things resulting in a shot to simply stop her cold...I don't condone domestic violence but I could see myself being the guy acting in self defence


My parents fought physically, my mom threw plates at my dad before so I heard and one time he punched her in the shoulder. He also hit me and my bro for no reason cause my mom told him she only loves her kids. My father once beat me when I was a child and wouldn't cease until I stopped crying. Obviously this led to my parents divorce when I was around twelve.

The second man in my mom's life was a former convict and he verbally and physically abused us. I even fought him myself, it was brief and never got too bad yet he did ruin our lives, eventually wound up in jail for grabbing my moms head and screaming, shaking her. Cops came and beat him into submission, I witnessed everything, he also attacked my bro. Oh how I hated middle and high school, had lil to no friends and I'm sitting on my porch and night with the blue siren light of a dozen cop cars lighting the area on those two days.

All this physical abuse actually messed me up and it's hard for me to cry now, even in serious moments, at most, only my eyes will tear up or water a little, yet full blown cry?--Nah.

Me and my brother attended karate when we were young, eventually acquired our black belts, nothing special cause it was just karate for kids, yet we did learn and remember some things. We both don't resort to physical violence anymore when we're mad, rarely did. We were raised Catholic, me and my bro, we weren't that religious yet we also understood the logic behind being civilized at least physically as adults. Why end up in jail or the hospital when that costs money? We usually resort to verbal arguments.

A month ago I told my aunt to go ahead and hit me, cause I moved her bed out of my mother's room into the living room, without her permission. Wailing in my face like a banshee and telling me to move out, as if she pays rent lol. My mother desperately needs her rest, this was during her heart attack episode and she wound up in the hospital. I love my mom, she deserves her own room without my aunt's snoring. A feeble ole woman who's too lazy to work, pretending to be all high and mighty with God even though she's racist and evil. She didn't scare me, I felt guilty intimidating her yet I'm tired of nothing working out, for once please, follow some damn logic!

A week ago my mom and aunt were fighting and I had to stand inbetween them to calm them down. My family can't afford to act like children, it's us four against the whole damn world, I'm working my butt off almost 40 hrs a week even though my health is messed up too then I come home to petty arguments? To hell with that.

I'm not certain what type of scenario justifies physical violence and then forgiveness, you say intoxication be it drugs, alcohol, or whatever and bouts of anger. It's your life, if that's how you keep the excitement going and can get past that and have great makeup lovemaking or whatever, cool.

I guess I'm not very forgiving, then again I never met a girl I was scared of physically in real life yet, I imagine when I do, I'll assume she has issues if she can't reason through verbal discussion like a civilized adult. Me personally, I already went through hell, I don't care how hot she is, if she threatens to chop off my dangalang I'm gonna leave lol. If a girl attacked me, I'd try to defend myself obviously and get the hell outta there, I witnessed firsthand how easy it is for a man to wind up in jail just for shaking a woman's head, screaming, and then resisting arrest kinda sorta cause he can't breathe, mental illness is not fun. I hated that guy and I'm sure he wasn't fond of me, he did own a gun and was insane, I'm glad he didn't hate us enough to y'know... He was very depressed and suicidal, he once swallowed a bunch of pills and almost died on the way to the hospital, had to get his stomach pumped.

I would never settle for such a girl, I've had my fill of such crazy in my life, go ahead and paint me judgmental some of you, I don't care. Is it possible to hate/love someone? Sure, doesn't mean I'd settle for it though.

To anyone claiming they'd trust their significant other again, that's your decision, I guess it depends on the severity of the situation. I just think there's a fine line between logic and denial in my personal opinion.

If I ever find a girl who I trusted enough to love and tell her all this, I'm really hoping she'd have the brains to know I abhor physical violence. It's entertaining in games or shows, but in real life? Pffft. I'm all for self defense but someone resorting to physical violence to get a point across? Nope.

InB4Lock


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Waifu said:


> It's common to take out anger physically though usually by hitting other guys.


What? No it's not.
Is your boyfriend hitting you?

If anyone takes out their rage in a physically violent matter they need to seek some anger management program or get help somehow.
It's not healthy. If they hit their loved ones because of a little stress who knows when they'll bash their kids heads open.

Abused people often start with playing it down. "Oh he just had a bad day", "oh, he was just a little upset about something that happened at work", "he's been so stressed lately"..

Physical violence is NOT acceptable, unless it is to save lives.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Oh ffs.

Ffs.

I actually have a friend on here, and they want to one day moderate.

They smoke crack. And shoot heroin.

I would vote them in to moderate, ahead of some people that are "promoting" themselves to do such.

Ffs.

Please dear God, intervene here. Please.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Something is so, so wrong with this thread. Make it stop.

Please. Make it stop.

Ffs.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

I think that anyone who is physically abused should leave their partner immediately, even if it's just a one time thing. You can't really put something like that in the past and there's no guarantee it won't happen again. There's no excuse for hitting your significant other. None.

But...... depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't see everyone who has ever hit their partner as a monster. If they were just taking out their anger, they are a disgusting bully. Disgusting. But, *if* there was verbal abuse, emotional abuse from the other side, and said abuse was happening at the time they hit them, not before, and the physical violence wasn't premeditated then even though I think it's no excuse and they should just leave such a partner themselves before hitting them, I can't hate them. I would never hit a girlfriend, or a family member, or a child, or anyone for that matter other than for self-defense. But I've been in fights when I was a kid. A lot of fights. I was verbally, emotionally, and mentally bullied as a child by other kids. I know the effect it can have on you. It can completely destroy you inside, make you feel helpless, defenseless. It's near impossible to stand up to someone who is just so much more aggressive, feels no guilt whatsoever for hurting you and doesn't pull any punches, especially if there are many of them. Sometimes that makes people resort to physically attacking the other. Can I really hate someone who basically does the same as I did as a kid? The only difference between them and me is that the person manipulating and using them was of a different gender, not an equal opponent and they should be old enough to have self control and know it's wrong. It's not justifiable still, and it's still a horrible thing to do. But I don't think it makes them a monster.


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## Doobage (Dec 20, 2014)

If he ever hit me, I wouldn't wait around for an excuse or a reason. I would be gone and never look back.


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## Doobage (Dec 20, 2014)

gopherinferno said:


> my mom used to always say she had no respect for women who stayed and that seems very cruel because ...shut up, mom, not everyone is as strong an independent amazon woman as you okay? go eat your chocolate and hate on men some more
> 
> anyway yes this thread doesn't seem to have any point other than to stir up unpleasantness


You don't have to be a "strong and independent amazon" to leave the animal who thinks that the appropriate way to solve a problem is physical violence on someone who can't fight back (not with the same amount of strength, at least). I hope that every woman afraid to walk away from physical abuse finds a way to leave. This sort of situation is one of the best examples of "if you don't love yourself first, no one will".


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

Ape in space said:


> This doesn't include spanking right?





TenYears said:


> Oh ffs.
> 
> Ffs.
> 
> ...


Lol


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## Babyblueboo96 (Jul 7, 2015)

_No hitting a female is unacceptable...no man should put his hands on a woman._


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## Cashel (Oct 29, 2013)

Why can't people take out their anger by hitting puppies and kittens instead? Hitting people is barbaric.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Difficult to have pity on s woman that decides to be a punching bag.



Cashel said:


> Why can't people take out their anger by hitting puppies and kittens instead? Hitting people is barbaric.


There isn't an abundance of puppies and kittens. By the time you find them you're anger would have subsided.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cashel (Oct 29, 2013)

nubly said:


> Difficult to have pity on s woman that decides to be a punching bag.
> 
> There isn't an abundance of puppies and kittens. By the time you find them you're anger would have subsided.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fine then, keep a whipping boy about. I don't know.

I just tear leaves off the potted bamboo and shout at it, that usually does the trick.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Babyblueboo96 said:


> _No hitting a female is unacceptable...no man should put his hands on a woman._


Ever? Not even one mistake?

That seems unreasonable.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

Waifu said:


> Ever? Not even one mistake?
> 
> That seems unreasonable.


There are certain acts which can hardly be called mistakes. Assault, abuse, and murder are among the acts that don't fit under the 'mistake' umbrella. The courts typically hold the same opinion.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

shorefog said:


> There are certain acts which can hardly be called mistakes. Assault, abuse, and murder are among the acts that don't fit under the 'mistake' umbrella. The courts typically hold the same opinion.


One punch wouldn't even get to court. That would be so frivolous.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

Waifu said:


> One punch wouldn't even get to court. That would be so frivolous.


Good luck with that theory. As arrests and court cases are typically public, Google can be your friend.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

KyleInSTL said:


> Says the person who wants to be a forum moderator?
> 
> @*TenYears* , join me in a collective... F F S!


Yeah...FFS, man.

I had to catch up here, but reading through this thread, is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You want to do something, anything to just make it stop, but it's just too late.

It's never OK to hit someone, male or female, it's a last resort. Hopefully it's only used in self defense. I mean, don't get me wrong, if someone was, say, trying to hurt my kids or my gf or something I would level them out in a heartbeat. They would never know what hit them, they would be unconscious. But it's really never OK, unless it's a situation like that.

And it's not "too much to expect someone to be perfect all the time". Ffs. We're not talking about someone forgetting to do the dishes or oversleeping or something. We're talking about really basic respect for another human being. There is something very wrong with you if you have a hard time with that.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I'd give him Waifu's number. They'd clearly be more compatible.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

truant said:


> I'd give him Waifu's number. They'd clearly be more compatible.


It's sad how many would leap to judge.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Waifu said:


> It's sad how many would leap to judge.


Exactly. He deserves someone more understanding. And you're just the gal for the job.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Malek said:


> My parents fought physically, my mom threw plates at my dad before so I heard and one time he punched her in the shoulder. He also hit me and my bro for no reason cause my mom told him she only loves her kids. My father once beat me when I was a child and wouldn't cease until I stopped crying. Obviously this led to my parents divorce when I was around twelve.
> 
> The second man in my mom's life was a former convict and he verbally and physically abused us. I even fought him myself, it was brief and never got too bad yet he did ruin our lives, eventually wound up in jail for grabbing my moms head and screaming, shaking her. Cops came and beat him into submission, I witnessed everything, he also attacked my bro. Oh how I hated middle and high school, had lil to no friends and I'm sitting on my porch and night with the blue siren light of a dozen cop cars lighting the area on those two days.
> 
> ...


I feel for you but the point I was trying to make is that the question assumes a pattern of behaviour or intent & discounts circumstance & self defense that's all


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## May19 (Apr 25, 2012)

*If I had a boyfriend*...I'll hit that mofo back and tell him that if he hits me again because of whatever he's going through, I will break up with him and get a restraining order. After all, if he can hit you, what's to say that he won't kill you?


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

May19 said:


> After all, if he can hit you, what's to say that he won't kill you?


Those are vastly different things.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Only a minority of adults turn to violence when frustrated or angry - it's not normal and it should never be accepted or ignored.
Most people who do turn to violence can be helped to become non-violent with the right treatment, but without treatment, no improvement is likely.
I don't know how much the treatment programmes differ from country to country - or the quality of programmes in different countries - but I've heard that for example the Norwegian treatment has worked well.
So if you really want to stay in the relationship, I think you should demand that your partner seeks treatment.


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

Big words spoken here ... and now, imagine it's the guy you always wanted to be with for years who hitted you and tell me again how you would leave him immediately.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

AmbiValenzia said:


> Big words spoken here ... and now, imagine it's the guy you always wanted to be with for years who hitted you and tell me again how you would leave him immediately.


If the guy you always wanted is the kind of guy who beats the **** out of his gf..... Tough luck.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Canadian Brotha said:


> I feel for you but the point I was trying to make is that the question assumes a pattern of behaviour or intent & discounts circumstance & self defense that's all


lol that rant wasn't directed at you, just the general topic of the thread, apologies. I just was more or less agreeing with you and what you posted and used that as a segue is all. Takecare fellow Canadian Brotha! I was born in Ontario, Ottawa.


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