# Switching therapists?



## SnakeSkin (Oct 29, 2013)

Hello,

I've been with my current therapist for 3 months. I've had a gut feeling that he really wasn't going to work well for me, but I continued to go because I didn't want to give up too quickly without giving it a real shot. However, last week really sealed the deal. 

He's a nice man and has not given me any horrible advice, but he had treated me like a near stranger every session (I had weekly appointments). 
How it basically went: 1) We'd work our way up from how I was doing, how college was going, etc. 2) go on to uncover new facts, or large conclusions about my past that have affected me deeply. Finally, 3) by next session, it was never like that happened. We backtracked so often that within three months, he could still barely remember the basics. I chalked it up to being a "small-problemed" client. He probably had more serious cases. I was very understanding of this.

When I came in for the session last week, I did as I always had before: walked up to the receptionist, let her know who I was, and notify her of my appointment/therapist. Basic stuff. I sat in the lobby and waited, and when ten minutes had passed, I assumed my therapist was still with another client who was having a bad day. By the time I was in the lobby for 25 minutes, I was feeling defeated and embarrassed. Instead of talking myself out of "not being important enough" and "not belonging there" like my mind was screaming at me to, I went up to the receptionist and told her how long I'd been there. Her reaction was awful. She started yelling at me for waiting so long, asked me if I had ever thought of coming back up, and told me what I had done was a very bad thing. I was on the verge of tears, and I listened to her call my T. She started whispering, but I could hear that she had made the mistake. She'd called the wrong number before and hadn't notified my T that I had arrived. She told me to go take a seat again.

My T arrived and instead of taking me to his office, put me in a small room with a school desk and two chairs. We sat there in silence for a full five minutes before he started talking. I started crying and telling him how horrific my week had gone, and he talked me through it. During the session, he asked me several times why I thought so poorly of myself. Last session, our big conclusion was about emotional abuse I suffered in my household growing up. 

He told me next time, we'd figure out the root cause of why I had poor self-image.

That was it. After 20 minutes in there, a majority of which were spent with him staring at me and looking at his phone going off, he handed me a paper and told me to go and pay for the session and arrange the next one. I had let the whole not remembering things go before, but that was the last straw. Could he really not remember me admitting to abuse? 

I called the office today to switch therapists. (Figured the transition of client paperwork and insurance would be easier if I continued with the same company and testing the waters more, so to speak.) I'm nervous about this one. I'm so worked up because the new therapist I chose shows that he's very religious, however, I'm not. (I chose him for a list of reasons, this being my only concern, so bear with me.) I don't want to pretend like I am, because having anxiety instantly makes me want to chameleon into the people around me. And I feel like if I'm not accepted by him, it's another blow to the stomach.

Was it smart switching therapists, when I already feel unsure and judged by my new one without seeing him? Is there any advice on how to stand tall and be honest about my religion instead of chameleon-ing and feeling guilty?

Thank you (I know this was very long!)


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## csm2000 (Oct 25, 2013)

My. 02: I believe you need to find someone who you really click with and with whom you feel validated. Repeating your story is a sign of someone who is not taking good notes, is in the wrong profession, too busy or _something_ - it doesn't matter how *big* your problems are, we all pay for the service and deserve their complete commitment to listening, and listening well.

It was probably smart to change therapists, but perhaps you may want to revisit finding someone who is more like you. I can tell you that mine is much more spiritual than me in many many ways, but it never comes up. It's about me, thank goodness, not her. (I think anyone who is a therapist must have to find comfort from outside sources!). That said, if you already have doubts, it could cloud your comfort level from the get-go. Shop around...all paperwork is transferable, and this is a nit compared to working toward being your best self. Best of luck!


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## LucyClaire (Oct 30, 2013)

If you think it isn't working then it isn't. If you don't feel listened to or that what you say is imported, then definately find another therapist.


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## Stoneface (Aug 9, 2011)

You did the right thing switching therapists. If the new one doesnt work out try to switch again. This is your life, the therapists are there to help you, if they cant do that keep trying until you find one that can really help you. Good luck !


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## sj86 (Jun 7, 2013)

Yes it is worth switching therapists. They shouldn't treat you that way wasting your time, money, effort and so forth. Therapists should be okay that you switched. In fact you can switch as often as you'd like., there's nothing wrong with it. I've had numerous therapists and the majority of them tell me it's okay. In fact if I get that doesn't, then they loose my business right that minute. By the way, I have been in that type of situation before. And I felt awful about it too at the time and a little bit afterwards. Anyhow, you should decide what to tell the therapist and so forth. Don't let them push you around. You'll be alright. Continue to discuss what you need and focus on working with your new therapist to get better.


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