# Girls: What does it feel like to be asked out?



## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I'm just curious about the female perspective on this. Is it flattering to have someone show interest in you? If you're not interested in the guy, is it annoying or creepy? 

Other, more in-depth questions: What kind of approach do you prefer? What influences your decision to say "yes" or "no"? If you weren't interested in a particular guy, how would you reject his request? How does it feel to reject someone?


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Nicolay said:


> I'm just curious about the female perspective on this. Is it flattering to have someone show interest in you? If you're not interested in the guy, is it annoying or creepy?
> 
> Other, more in-depth questions: What kind of approach do you prefer? What influences your decision to say "yes" or "no"? If you weren't interested in a particular guy, how would you reject his request? How does it feel to reject someone?


yes, it is flattering, but depending on the situation i tend to find it more creepy. an example is if the guy is clearly much much older than me (it's esp. creepy because i apparently look like i'm 16).

the kind of approach i prefer is if the guy acts more.. casual, i guess you could say. what is more likely to make me uncomfortable is if a guy just goes into something like "can i have your number?". example of the type of approach i prefered: i was sitting in a park alone recently and a guy appraoched me and said hi, and asked if i wanted to go smoke pot with him and his friends, i declined, and he seemed polite about it which i appreciated and just told me to have a beautiful day then walked away. approaches that have made me uncomfortable: when a guy just asked for my number without saying anything else and bothered me about it when i declined. or the other day while walking this guy was in a white van and slowed down beside me, he asked how i was doing to which i replied "i'm okay" and he said " well you look more than okay.." and stared at my body.. which made me very uncomfortable, so i just kept on walking.

um, i don't feel bad about rejecting someone usually.. since i'm unexperienced i don't really know how to say it. when i'ts been creepy much older guys i sometimes just say "sorry i don't want to talk" if they are asking me a lot of questions, or i've just said "no thank you".

although, either way, i'd probably always say no because of my anxiety, unless it was in some other situation where i might sort of know the guy.

anyway, i think if you are polite, not too forward (make small chit-chat first, i think), make eye contact (err, don't try to stare up her skirt) and smile when approaching a girl then you should be okay.

i'm curious to see other girls' opinions too since i've never really talked about this with many friends.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

The key is to act comfortable so that you can make the girl comfortable.

If your SA shows and you act all anxious then you'll freak her out.

You gotta get rid of your SA when you ask a girl out or you might as well be a stalker/rapist/serial killer, she'll think you're a freak out to get her.

Once you've got her comfortable with your smoothness, you gotta convince her that you're interesting and fun to hang out with.

But the NUMBER ONE thing is to lose your SA, at least when you're talking to a girl you like. Having SA is fine, just don't have it when you're meeting women you're attracted to.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i think when guys try too hard to be smooth, i see it as a turn off. maybe it's not like that for other girls. i'd rather just have a guy be casual and cool and not seem like he's trying too hard to impress me, someone with SA can do that.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Well, this hasn't happened to me very often but when it has I haven't found it annoying or anything. I can't imagine the courage it must take guys to approach a girl and try and start a conversation. 

To answer the OP question, the approach I would probably be most receptive to is an honest, no fancy lines kindof thing. A few minutes of conversation that establish an actual connection between the two of us are pretty necessary. Asking right away would overwhelm me, but if I've spoken to the guy and we connected over something I imagine I'd be more open to it. A polite "I really enjoyed talking to you, could I have your number?" is a way better plan than a fancy line or something of the sort. A genuine smile and sense of humour would definitely help sway my decision into the yes category. 

About the whole SA will make you awkward thing, if guy is really shy or awkward about asking me out it wouldn't bother me in the least. It doesn't come off as creepy or anything like that at all. In fact I'd prefer that encounter over a smoothtalker any day. 

If I don't want to give my number to a guy for whatever reason, I feel terrible about saying so. I generally go with "no I'm sorry, I'm not single right now". I feel rude and awful and do not enjoy it. I've had the odd creeper be really pushy about it (why do guys do this?), in which case I try and step away as politely as possible and have an imaginary conversation on my cell phone as I walk far away.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

If I don't know the guy very well I'll assume that it's a cruel joke at my expense.


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

Yeah personally I have to be pretty good friends with the guy first before I feel anything (either happiness if I like him too, or regret if I'm not interested), otherwise it's just awkward. That's just me, though. I'm not into the whole randomly being picked-up at bars and clubs thing. I don't like surprises.


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## livingnsilence (Feb 4, 2008)

I hate being asked out. Mainly because even if I'm interested in the guy I will probably say no (though noone I've been really interested has ever asked me out just semi-interested), and I absolutely hate rejecting a guy esspecially if it's someone I know. I never no how to say it nicely. 

The biggest tip I can give is slowly become friends first. I tend to get creeped out when guys I don't know hit on me, the better I know someone the less likely I'll find it creppy, in fact there are many guys that have asked me out that I should probably lable creepy except we're friends so I don't find them creepy. Or if the girl rejects you don't keep pushing give at least several months before asking again when you know she's not interested, otherwise I tend to start to find it a tad creepy depending on how well I know the person and how much they don't get the hint.


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

vicente said:


> You gotta get rid of your SA when you ask a girl out or you might as well be a stalker/rapist/serial killer, she'll think you're a freak out to get her.


 :wtf

What? I'm not sure about that. They would probably think you're nervous, if they even notice anything, that is.


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## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

vicente said:


> Having SA is fine,* just don't have it when *...


I don't think this is possible :b


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I can't think of a single couple I know where the guy just approached a woman out of the blue. I know it happens a lot, but it seems like the least common way people find each other. Maybe it's just the people I know...


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Perfectionist said:


> Well, this hasn't happened to me very often


I find that hard to believe, but I'll take your word for it. Maybe guys are intimidated by your beauty.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

Johnny_Genome said:


> I can't think of a single couple I know where the guy just approached a woman out of the blue.


I usually don't use emoticons, but this one sums it up:

:ditto


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Nicolay said:


> I'm just curious about the female perspective on this. Is it flattering to have someone show interest in you? If you're not interested in the guy, is it annoying or creepy?
> 
> Other, more in-depth questions: What kind of approach do you prefer? What influences your decision to say "yes" or "no"? If you weren't interested in a particular guy, how would you reject his request? How does it feel to reject someone?


It's always appreciated. I'm never creeped out becuase I know it takes BALLS to ask someone out. It's only annoying if someone repeatedly asks you out after you've expressed disinterest (I know this from experience). And this could easily label you a "creeper".

Favored approached...Someone who knows what he wants and can ask for a date. If we were complete strangers it may go something like: "Hi, I'm Tom, I couldn't help notice you across the room I noticed you're [talking about such-and-such/reading an interesting book/got that new phone/blah blah blah], and I was wondering [what you think about such-and-such, where I can find blah blah blah]." That at least let's you feel eachother out and if the girly is receptive maybe you can get a date out of it 

If we knew eachother I think the best way to go about it is to find something she likes and invite her to it. Like a concert ("Hey, guess what? I just got two tickets to The Kooks and I know you're a fan, so what're you doing this Saturday?")

A rejection could be flat-out rejection, OR, if you're like me, you're more subtle. I don't return calls or I'm a little too busy. I've only needed to flat out reject when I'm flat out asked and that hasn't been often.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

vicente said:


> But the NUMBER ONE thing is to lose your SA, at least when you're talking to a girl you like. Having SA is fine, just don't have it when you're meeting women you're attracted to.


ok and if it's that easy why not just get rid of the SA all the time?


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

shyvr6 said:


> Perfectionist said:
> 
> 
> > Well, this hasn't happened to me very often
> ...


I wrote that in reference to how little I actually go places where I could be potentially approached by a guy, but that is quite the kind and complimentary interpretation! Way to make a girl blush.

It's interesting to see how many girls seem to prefer the down to earth, casual approach as opposed to some smoothtalking lines.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

If I like the person then it feels great, if I'm not interested then it can be annoying, especially when they don't understand why I wouldn't wanna go out with them. :con :roll

But actually since I know nothing's ever gonna work out for me and everyone sucks anyway...I guess it sucks either way.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Perfectionist said:


> shyvr6 said:
> 
> 
> > Perfectionist said:
> ...


yeah, the whole smoothtalking thing is just pretty stupid, i think. i'd rather a guy be more straight up instead of trying too hard to impress me. it's almost an insult to my intelligence when a guy thinks he could pick me up that easily.


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

A guy who is visibly trying hard to impress you doesn't sound like much of a smooth talker to me.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

The two times strangers have asked me for my phone number I felt very uncomfortable, and, since they were both rather pushy (which makes me wonder if they just thought I was an easy target or something), and I am incapable of outright rejecting people, trapped.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Is it flattering to have someone show interest in you? depends on who. if it's someone decent, then yeah it's flattering.

If you're not interested in the guy, is it annoying or creepy? again depends on how they show interest. stalking and appearing in random places all of a sudden, sending weird letters is creepy. if they just try to talk to you normally without saying anything creepy, it's fine.

What kind of approach do you prefer? casual, no cheesy pick up lines though.

What influences your decision to say "yes" or "no"? appearance makes the first impression, then how they carry themselves and what they say.

If you weren't interested in a particular guy, how would you reject his request? If it's someone annoying and pushy, I'd say I'm busy or already have a boyfriend. If it's a nice person, I'd be honest and tell them they're not my type or that I just want to be friends.

How does it feel to reject someone? bad of course, I always feel a little gulity.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

also I think it's very creepy if old men ask me out or seem interested in me :afr


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

livingnsilence said:


> The biggest tip I can give is slowly become friends first.


Wrong. Once a guy becomes a good friend, you can't view him as dating material anymore. It feels wrong to view him sexually, because he's your friend. He might as well be your brother.

Once a guy falls into a woman's "Friend Zone", he can never be her boyfriend.

Men have a certain window in time when they can ask a woman out:

The woman must have gathered enough clues about the man to believe that he is not a threat to her security, but she must not trust him enough to view him as a close friend or sibling she can turn to.

The exception to this rule is if the woman was and has always been attracted to the guy from the very beginning (when they first met!)


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

vicente said:


> Wrong. Once a guy becomes a good friend, you can't view him as dating material anymore. It feels wrong to view him sexually, because he's your friend. He might as well be your brother.
> 
> Once a guy falls into a woman's "Friend Zone", he can never be her boyfriend.
> 
> Men have a certain window in time when they can ask a woman out


If someone I'd known for a while and considered a friend asked me out, I'd be much more likely to say yes than a random stranger/dude I hardly knew. We already hang out and enjoy each others company, so that's already a decent start.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

You do realize that he's asking you out on a romantic date, not a simple get-together for a cup of coffee. You consider him a friend you can trust, how would you feel if he tried to kiss you on the lips?

Awkward and potentially friendship-ruining, unless you secretly had a crush on him from the start.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Yes, I am well aware that you meant a romantic date. If I found out a friend was interested in me, I'd be willing to give it a shot if I liked his personality and we got along really well (we're friends, so there's a good chance of that). It would take me a while to adjust to thinking of him a new way, guy-who-might-like-me as opposed to dude-I-go-to-movies-with. But I'd consider it and would certainly not automatically shut him down due to having stepped foot in the Friend Zone. 

I don't think it would have to be friendship ruining. If it works out we date, and if not I at least certainly wouldn't want to cease our friendship because he took a shot and asked me out.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

vicente said:


> livingnsilence said:
> 
> 
> > The biggest tip I can give is slowly become friends first.
> ...


I've never understood the whole logic of the 'friend zone.' If I don't know you, I don't trust you anywhere near enough to agree to a date.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

^same here. i don't understand it at all. if there are friends i am interested in, and it's not like once we become too good of friends i would suddenly lose interest if they made a move after knowing each other for a long time. there are friends i have now, if they were to show feelings and become affectionate i'd probably develope feelings too since there are a few i've always had a "thing" for.


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## jellyfish (Jul 3, 2008)

Flattering, unless you set off the "sexual predator" alarm. Strangers who offer me rides, make comments about/stare at my body, ask excessive amounts of questions about where I live/where I'm going/etc. will do that. Being way too old for me, but still hitting on me anyway will do that. Pickup lines and not taking "no" for an answer will do that. Nervousness will not do that. To me, nervousness just says, "I am worried about how you'll respond to this, because it matters to me." And that's pretty sweet, especially if you compare that to all the skeevy dudes that are out there.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

jellyfish said:


> Flattering, unless you set off the "sexual predator" alarm. Strangers who offer me rides, make comments about/stare at my body, ask excessive amounts of questions about where I live/where I'm going/etc. will do that. Being way too old for me, but still hitting on me anyway will do that. Pickup lines and not taking "no" for an answer will do that. Nervousness will not do that. To me, nervousness just says, "I am worried about how you'll respond to this, because it matters to me." And that's pretty sweet, especially if you compare that to all the skeevy dudes that are out there.


yeah
it seems that the exact descriptions of creepy guys are the only guys that hit on me. well, usually, at least. i wish more non-creeps and nice/cool guys would talk to me.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

This thread is depressing..


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