# I feel worse after hanging out with friends



## Linnaeaflower

So last night I went to a food tasting/ game night with a bunch of friends. I was looking forward to it , but after coming home I feel more anxious and depressed than before going. I think its due to seeing how easily everyone else talks to each other while I just smile and listen and also the fact that I think they are closer to each other and I'm just a body. I try to do my best to talk to everyone, but its so hard. And when I do try to share something I feel like the others aren't interested. I was so relieved when a game finally started in the other room. I practically jumped from the table of talkers and ran at my chance to escape to something different. I was a lot happier playing the card game than sitting there awkwardly trying to converse in a group of 8 people. Anyway, I feel like this a lot after hanging out with a group of friends so I miss a lot of these nights, but I try to go sometimes so I don't appear too antisocial. Anyone else feel like this happens to them? What can I do to feel better after these kind of nights instead of worse?


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## Kevin001

Maybe it was just too much for you and thats ok. I would rather a small hangout with a friend or two instead of a big group. Congrats on going though, some exposure for you.


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## Linnaeaflower

Thanks for the encouragement. You're probably right in saying its too much. 4 other people is good but more than that and I start feeling overwhelmed. I moved to this area a year ago and I'm trying to be more social and so that's why I'm trying to go to these hangouts. I don't want to be seen as some antisocial person and not have friends. But its hard to escape the quiet awkward person that I am and be comfortable in the group. I don't want to lose to my SA again.


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## sad1231234

I feel the same, i dont have friends. But i dont want to have any more than like 4 or 5 friends lol. Any more and it would be too many people. I guess they are used to socializing with others, they are used to talking in groups so they arent very sensitive to one person who struggles talking in a group.


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## Emilysbluedream

I know what you mean. I will be nervous going into the event, but even nervous afterwards? It didn't make sense to me. But I've learned that exposure therapy doesn't work well for people with social anxiety. It can sometimes make it worse to force yourself to go to an event. I feel the same way. In big groups I like to sit back and observe quietly because I'm afraid of not getting a joke fast enough, I don't like all eyes on me waiting for the correct response, and I shake when I'm speaking sometimes and I don't like the question being raised- "Why are you nervous?" But one thing I've found that helps me after the event, is to try to think about it as little as possible. There are meditation techniques that make this easier. But if you start to have a negative thought, just think the opposite, think of a positive one to neutralize it, then change the subject. Don't dwell on a past event because like I know as a person with SA, that dwelling on it only makes the anxiety from the past become real in the present. It's painful to overthink every move you made, and it takes your power away. No matter how the event went, we gotta move on. Even if it was totally awkward, leave it behind.


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## 2Milk

The same thing happens to me. Everyone is just there having a good time meanwhile I'm sitting there struggling to make conversation. Then the dreaded "why are you so quiet" question comes and it makes everything worse. It really reminds me why I don't like going out... I don't what to tell you. Alcohol helps out I guess...


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## Alpha Tauri

Can relate but I learned to slowly grow out of that feeling. There's no problem with being mostly a listener in a group as long as you interact too, pressing the current speaker about what they're talking about, stuff like that.


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## Linnaeaflower

Thanks for the advice everyone. I haven't done meditation in a long time, so I should give that ago. I definitely need to think more positively and not dwell on the past. That's one of my greatest pitfalls. And accepting that I am better as a listener will probably help me feel more comfortable in groups. I just have to ask those engaging questions and then let others talk my ear off. Anyway, a few days ago I decided to buy The Science of People and so I've been trying to implement what I've learned into my social interactions. Hopefully I can keep that up. That book has also been helpful because I've been opening up more to my SO about my social anxiety, and since he is an awesome people person (so jealous, lol!), he's been helping me find ways to improve. Here's to trying to be better.


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## morphine

same thing happens to all of us tbh 
my mind goes blank when everyone is having conversation, and i usually end up being awkwardly quiet 
chit happens, just gotta push through it and try your best 
i prefer to hangout with a lot of people as long as there is some activity going on, like playing videogames or at a music festival 
just makes the experience easier to sit through 
not really one to recommend drugs, but yeah the holy herb helps me a ton.


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