# reason why I will never get a girlfriend



## Chris 2 (Dec 1, 2007)

I been thinking long and hard about why it is that we are who we are. I have finally come to the conclusion that you don't live life on choice alone. Since we were born, our parent have impose different rules and regulations for us to obey. So ever since birth, we had to follow specific guild lines, some more than other. It is not until we reach manhood that we began to experience our own liberation. However, depending on our childhood circumstances, our choice become depleted and we lose our identity. Through all the years of learning and loneliness, we have lost the ability to become what we want to become, because the lasting effect of our childhood always seem to catch up to us.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Now I don't think I'll ever find love, is because well...

1. I can't simile (I had this disability as a kids, it due to lack of nutrition when my dad was a POW and he was not consider healthy) This is all the more worst for me, because it hard for people to tell that I'm friendly or that you want to be their bf, and you certainly can't smile to take a picture. This alone, has brought me up to look at the world differently. I knew I didn't belong in this society, because I'm just too different.

2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.

3. I have a boring background, never had a single decent holidays or birthday.

4. I'm not a bad boy

5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.

6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.

7. I have social anxiety

8. I sound like a kid on good day and a girl on bad day. I don't have a manly voice.

My chance that I will ever find my dream girl is 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 (the same chances as winning the jackpot!)

My look on life is to live the best way I can. But lately it been interfering with my study. When your depress, it almost impossible to want to do anything. It hard to say where I will be in the next 4 years, it safe to say that whatever happens, it not gonna change much.

Since I have such a horrible life so far, I'm just going to continue living until maybe the day that I can man up and talk to a girl.

And I want a dog somedayBig Grin (my first pet ever!!!)


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Please...you are only 19.

As long as you have decided that you will not have a relationship you wont. Self fulfilling prophecy. :stu 

I am sure others will disagree with me :duck but there are plenty of screwed up people in relationships....you dont need a degree, lots of money, you dont have to look like Brad Pitt, you dont need a Vette, you dont need any of that to have a relationship. If you did, the human race would have died out a long, long time ago.

And BTW I am not saying YOU, the OP are screwed up, lest it sound that way. You have plenty to offer, everyone has there own unique personality to offer....


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

" I am sure others will disagree with me "

No, I agree. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.

There are a ton of screwed up relationships out there and a lot of wacky/bizarre people and everyone has their own offerings to eachother.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

i think the chances of winning the jackpot are a bit lower then 0.01


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## soma (Nov 10, 2003)

Penny said:


> Please...you are only 19.


Yes.



Penny said:


> As long as you have decided that you will not have a relationship you wont. Self fulfilling prophecy. :stu


And yes.

I think relationships are well overrated by people who haven't been in one. If I were you, I would focus on building a life around yourself and worry about getting a girl later. If you have more of a life, you'll be more interesting and could get a girl more easily. And even if you don't find a girl, you'll be too busy to even care.

:drunk


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

Penny said:


> Please...you are only 19.
> 
> As long as you have decided that you will not have a relationship you wont. Self fulfilling prophecy. :stu
> 
> ...


 :agree


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## meesha327 (Mar 15, 2007)

Since when is 5'9" short for a guy? Most girls dont care as long as you're taller than them and for the majority of girls you are. And besides look at Tom Cruise, he's a shorty but he got with Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Yeah, 5'9" isn't short. That's about an inch or two (tops!) below average. I'm only 5'5", but I doubt I'm more bothered by my height than you seem to be.

I've never been in any sort of romantic relationship, but I honestly don't think it would be fulfilling in my case. I like having friends, but even with friends, I don't like being around them all that often. The idea of a romantic relationship is unappealing to me when actually examined because I'd feel monumentally smothered when I actually think about what it would involve.

Loneliness can often lead to misinterpretations of desiring a romantic relationship, but in most cases, other social arrangements can be just as fulfilling, if not MORE fulfilling (in my case). Challenge your belief that a girlfriend would solve most of your problems. Perhaps desiring what we don't have is the REAL source of most of human misery.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

I don't think 5'9" is short at all. As for the rest of your post, I think you're being very overly critical of yourself :hug


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Chris 2 said:


> I been thinking long and hard about why it is that we are who we are. I have finally come to the conclusion that you don't live life on choice alone. Since we were born, our parent have impose different rules and regulations for us to obey. So ever since birth, we had to follow specific guild lines, some more than other. It is not until we reach manhood that we began to experience our own liberation. However, depending on our childhood circumstances, our choice become depleted and we lose our identity. Through all the years of learning and loneliness, we have lost the ability to become what we want to become, because the lasting effect of our childhood always seem to catch up to us.
> 
> I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
> 
> ...


I would social anxiety as #1 problem on your list.


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

4. I'm not a bad boy

you don't have to be a abd boy, just be yourself... same old speel

5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.

Thats average, like somone said before if girls only dated guys that were 6'4 the human race would have been extinct a long time ago.

6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.

I think thats how alot of students pay for there tuition, up here anyways.

I met my girlfreind while i was in school and had no money.


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

> 1. I can't simile (I had this disability as a kids, it due to lack of nutrition when my dad was a POW and he was not consider healthy) This is all the more worst for me, because it hard for people to tell that I'm friendly or that you want to be their bf, and you certainly can't smile to take a picture. This alone, has brought me up to look at the world differently. I knew I didn't belong in this society, because I'm just too different.
> 
> 2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.
> 
> ...


2). I used to have alot self-steem issues. I was picked on in high school, laughed at and called ugly. nowadays i still do, but the fact that i keep busy prevents me from even caring that much anymore. I guess you can try doing a hobby, or something along the lines that keeps your interest high and distracted from thinking about how you look.

3). what would you consider a descent holyday/birthday?
4). why would you want to be a bad boy? just be yourself.
5). im 5'7, and i dont think im short :con 
6). right now you are still very young(im 19 too), you have a life ahead of you. when you graduate from college, get a steady job and income you'll have more time to get a girlfriend, and afford luxuries.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

My dad, brother, and I are ALL 6'3".

My mom and all four of my grandparents are/were 5'5" - 5'8".
My grandfathers were hard workers like you. They did quite well for themselves.
At 19, you don't see it quite yet (sorry for the age thing). You have so much ahead of you, anything may change. That statement is not a maybe, things will change. It gets better :yes.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

meesha327 said:


> Since when is 5'9" short for a guy? Most girls dont care as long as you're taller than them and for the majority of girls you are.


I agree. 5'9" is an awesome height. I'm only 5'6".


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't know what the point of my post is, but the reason why I can't see myself getting a girlfriend is that I always have social anxiety, whoever I'm with.

It seems that the people who have girlfriends and boyfriends at least lose their social anxiety when they're with their S.O. and their friends. But for me, I'm still anxious and uptight when I'm with my friends. I speak with a monotonous, quiet voice when I'm with them. So how am I to find a girlfriend when I can't open up to anyone, male OR female?


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

That isn't true in my case. I have SA around my closest friends, family members and did with my ex also. I remember even back in middle school, feeling extremely anxious each morning I went to play basketball with my friends before homeroom. It was like I had to reestablish my comfort level around them everyday, like I hadn't known them for years. 

Anyway, it was a constant battle. Sometimes my SA won out. Sometimes I did. I remember when I first opened up. Took 10 minutes to confess my feelings. I just sat there...afraid., awkward. It was blatant that we liked each other and yet I couldn't put it into words because maybe, just maybe I was wrong. There was still a voice inside trying to bring me down. But then I Then it started coming out slowly. At one point, I couldn't stop talking. Turned into one of the most memorable interactions in my life so far. I was actually ME. I felt like a decent, functional young adult.

I didn't think I could do it either but I did. I think you can too.


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## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Chris 2 said:


> I been thinking long and hard about why it is that we are who we are. I have finally come to the conclusion that you don't live life on choice alone. Since we were born, our parent have impose different rules and regulations for us to obey. So ever since birth, we had to follow specific guild lines, some more than other. It is not until we reach manhood that we began to experience our own liberation. However, depending on our childhood circumstances, our choice become depleted and we lose our identity. Through all the years of learning and loneliness, we have lost the ability to become what we want to become, because the lasting effect of our childhood always seem to catch up to us.
> 
> I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
> 
> ...


Dude, i'm 6'2 and I have the same problem. My parents are living ok, I can't smile, I'm not a bad boy, I don't have the looks as well. I also have Panic Disorder with argophobia and Aspergers Syndrome. I'm way too weird for any girl to like me.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

SADFighter said:


> I didn't think I could do it either but I did. I think you can too.


What did you do?

Because it's just not happening with me.

Somehow the girl saw past your SA and saw someone she could like. I guess my SA is so thick that there's no personality you can see beyond it, so no one can like me. Either that or I'm really ugly.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

Wow, okay one thing stood out here to me.

I can not -tolerate- this rep. girls have for wanting "bad boys". It is not true for all of us! I hate bad boys! I am immediately turned off by them, even if they're good looking. You can eliminate that from your list, because not all girls want bad boys. It just isn't true.


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## lennyk (Oct 12, 2007)

as many have said, you're only 19
consider yourself very lucky and the fact that nowadays you have so much access to information, I wish I did when I was your age....

so what do you do when you're in your late 30's and most of my friends who i grew up with and could rely on to go out with are now married and not available to help in the social scene anymore and dont know where to start to meet new people....


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

vicente said:


> So how am I to find a girlfriend when I can't open up to anyone, male OR female?


meds and CBT. I am a living example that they work. Im still recovering as recovery is a road not a destination.

Im going to college, I made quite a few friends too(which before i thought would never be possible with my SA and inability to talk)


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

vicente said:


> SADFighter said:
> 
> 
> > I didn't think I could do it either but I did. I think you can too.
> ...


Dr. Richards' CBT tapes, meditation, rediscovered basketball and pushups, lexapro (for a bit), journal writing, video feedback...I worked on these things at least 2 hours a day, in addition to being a full-time student. :afr

I still had SA in many settings with her but I started to learn that she had her own hangups and fears to deal with also. No one is perfect. No one is judging my every move. Sure there were awkward silences initially but I learned that those aren't the dealbreakers I thought they were. I didn't know what the heck I was doing but somehow I do have romantic bones in my body. The best things happened when I just relied on intuition. I also looked to other people for advice and was actually open about my life for the first time. This, then, strengthened my friendships also. Even though it ultimately didn't work out and is quite awkward now when I see her, I can honestly say that experience changed my life. I used to think that I had to work on myself before I dated anyone but I now know that the best thing for treatment is just diving right in...with the appropriate tools (CBT, support networks etc) by your side. I don't even think I'm 40% cured--still have severe eye contact problems among many other things--but I refuse to let this thing ruin my life.


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## Chris 2 (Dec 1, 2007)

lennyk said:


> as many have said, you're only 19
> consider yourself very lucky and the fact that nowadays you have so much access to information, I wish I did when I was your age....
> 
> so what do you do when you're in your late 30's and most of my friends who i grew up with and could rely on to go out with are now married and not available to help in the social scene anymore and dont know where to start to meet new people....


I think down the line I will be in the same circumstances. People say lexapro and CBT work, but I have been on it for a while and it doesn't seem to be working, so just before I left home for christmas, I told my psychiatrist and therapist that I am quiting both treatment, because well I don't have enough money for books.

I also just edit my first post, which I forgot to mention that I have a girl/kiddie voice.

I also don't know if a girl like me or not. If she look at me the second time I don't know what to think? Is it because I'm ugly or does she think I'm a creep, or maybe just maybe she find me somewhat attractive? Since well you guy probably already know that it very hard with SA to look at people in the eye, I wouldn't know.

I am flatter when you guy say 5'9 is not short coming from a few girls and guys on here.

Thank you all you guys, you guys have to be the most supportive group of people on the internet!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

The "support" I give is 100% genuine/honest as well, as I don't like flattery for the sake of flattery. I prefer the truth over anything else.

I am biased into thinking that any female who looks at me is criticizing me, although I honestly don't notice this fear very much any more. I guess I have just improved in regards to not being as approval-seeking, which has contributing to a more peaceful state of mind, in general.

I don't consider "short" to mean less than average, personally. I think you'd have to be in the bottom 10-20th percentile in order to be short. I'm only 5'5", so I would easily fall into this category. It seems that the most desirable height for guys is in the 6'0" to 6'1" range, BUT I don't think there is a noticeable penalty for physical attractiveness (again, speaking on average here ladies... I know some of you like short guys) until you're getting into that 5'6" and below range.


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