# how do you make eye contact?



## jessr421 (Mar 29, 2007)

hi
sounds like a silly question. but since i started to fear eye contact i kind of forgot what etiquette wouild be - right now if i'm walking down the hall at work and i see some one, i'll say hi, look them in the eye and then a second later look away, i feel like its so awkward if i keep staring at them....

is it normal to look away right away????? 
i know i feel awkard and thats why i look away but maybe its normal ? 
thanks!


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Hey, I think when just saying "hello", a good smile and a second or two of eye contact is good. Think of when someone does the same to you, and then think of what a reasonable gesture would be. There's not much you can really do wrong in a situation like that unless you are staring for a while.


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## cleopatra (Apr 14, 2007)

Hey there!

I love eye-contact. When you make eye-contact with another person, the other person feels visible, and they feel good. So just by looking at them, you're recognizing them. And it's a good feeling all around. 

What has helped me to make eye contact with people is to spend time in the mirror when I'm alone, and simply look straight into my own eyes. Spending time doing this helps you to see yourself for who you really are. I like to recite affirmations when I do this.

Just remember that looking other people into their eyes is always an affirming experience for both parties. You will feel better because you're taking a step forward out of the anxiety and into the present moment, and you'll start to feel more confident, and the other person will also feel good because they feel visible and recognized.

We all want to be seen. We all want to feel important. Even people who don't have Social Anxiety, per se, want to feel important. So keep this in mind! It has helped me!!1


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## KimberlyK (Nov 11, 2004)

jessr421 said:


> hi
> sounds like a silly question. but since i started to fear eye contact i kind of forgot what etiquette wouild be - right now if i'm walking down the hall at work and i see some one, i'll say hi, look them in the eye and then a second later look away, i feel like its so awkward if i keep staring at them....
> 
> is it normal to look away right away?????
> ...


The quick look away is totally normal. Imagine if you were to keep looking into their eyes as you walked passed, you could walk into a wall or bump into someone.


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## Shonen_Yo (Sep 8, 2006)

I was watching a show on health. A Dr. who wrote a book came on and said the best way to make eye-contact is to notice the color of the person's eyes, smile and then stop looking directly at them. It helps condition your mind to acknowledge, but not to overdue it.


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## SucceedSocially (Apr 23, 2007)

In a walk by a quick glance is fine. As you probably know, overall rules are to make more eye contact when you're listening to someone, and a little less as you're speaking (which is harder anyways because you're trying to think of what to say at the same time)

As mentioned, looking in the mirror is a good way to get used to it. So is watching TV and trying to keep eye contact with the characters on the screen, news shows are good for this. 

Overall, don't feel you have to go to 100% eye contact overnight. Just try to make as much as you can day by day, week by week, and you'll get in the habit before long.


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## Adelessa (Apr 20, 2007)

This is something I always wonder about, I live in the city and I walk everywhere so I have to deal with it constantly. Personally I would prefer it if I never had to look at strangers and I really don't like to be looked at either, especially if the other person isn't smiling and they almost never are. I have trouble with interpreting blank facial expressions and when people don't smile I feel like they are annoyed at me or think I look ridiculous or something. 

I force myself to make eye contact for a second though because I don't want them to get offended, especially the shadier characters. I've even tried smiling at people but they don't smile back - at least in the city. When I go home to the suburbs more people smile so I try to anticipate if they are the smiling type or not, lol it's hard work.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I hate making eye contact. I don't mind looking at other people; I just don't want them looking at _me_.


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## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

There really isn't any certain way to make eye contact. The awkwardness and self-consciousness are only there because you don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Things like eye contact and body language come natural when you are confident or self-content. Your really not going to find a book on the etiquette of "eye contact", "limb placement" or even "talking to the opposite sex". The change has to come from within.


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## Normal With SA (Mar 8, 2006)

When making eye contact, pick just one eye to look into. I usually pick the person's left eye. It's more comforting to the other person, and its kinda easier for you too!


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: how do you make eye contact?*



Normal With SA said:


> When making eye contact, pick just one eye to look into. I usually pick the person's left eye. It's more comforting to the other person, and its kinda easier for you too!


their left or yours?


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