# saying things you regret later



## cynic (Oct 24, 2008)

anyone else have this problem? Often I will say things that are awkward, inappropriate, or even humiliating, and I don't even realize it at the time I said it. Often I will look back on what I said and kick myself over it. Sometimes I wont realize how I came off to people until days, weeks, months, or even years later when I look back on the situation. The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

usually not cases where I dont think theyre weird at the time, but daily ill say something ill immediately think is stupid and obsess over it for an unhealthy amount of time


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## cynic (Oct 24, 2008)

dude, me too. If I say something that I might perceive as 'silly' later, I replay it over and over in my head to try to justify it somehow.


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## Vieras (May 3, 2009)

I do the same thing nearly daily. Especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. It doesn't matter if it happened days or weeks ago, I'll still find a conversation to obsess over and kick myself about.


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## DontTrustheGov't (Jun 5, 2008)

I used to have this when I used to talk to people. lol Its actually not quite that bad but sometimes it feels like it is. 

You just have to accept that every so often, you will do/say something that you regret later. I still get obsessed about some of the things I say but the following line of thinking helps me deal with the obsessed thoughts where I nitpick everything I said or "should have said". 

One saying that I tell myself that helps me talk is "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF". 

What this means is that over the years I have spent so much time and mental energy trying to say/do the right thing where I will not be judged by others. If you do this for long enough you will eventually end up suicidal and with no friends. This is what happened to me. 

Basically I was so afraid of being embarrassed or judged by others that I isolated everyone from me because I couldn't deal with the anxiety of it all. When I say to myself "nothing in this world can hurt me more then MYSELF" that is true because of all the avoidance behaviors I have developed to cope with anxiety. 

They have really done alot of damage to me over the years so the way I look at it is if I have to deal with the anxiety of being judged or embarrassed then its a small price in order to make friends. 

You just have to remember that anxiety is meant to keep us safe so some amount is okay its just that when you start to hurt your own mental health by developing adaptive avoidance behaviors that YOU are hurting yourself more than anyone else in the world possible could.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I hate when I say things, but it comes out wrong and then people get mad because they think I meant something else.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

I know. Often times I'll try to make a joke that makes sense in my head, but it's interpreted a completely different way. Drinking does not help. Not some of my brighter moments.


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## sigh (Apr 13, 2009)

Blerg.

I've replayed situations in my head over and over. Each time imagining that a favourable outcome was achieved or something like that... even imagining a socially awkward situation just makes me cringe.. haha

Some of these things are from years ago ;\


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

This doesn't happen to me a lot, but when it does it really bothers me. I remember around 20 years ago I met a friend at the bar and we couldn't agree what drinks to order so I told the bartender to make the decision for us. I figured he would choose between martinis and G&Ts, but he chose fancy expensive drinks, I think it was some kind of margarita or some other kind of drink with a funny tropical thing in it like an umbrella. I got mad and yelled at the bartender and my friend was mystified and said "what did you think he was going to do?" I still feel bad about that.


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## amg its austin (May 1, 2009)

> The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.


This is a common symptom of social phobia so it's not surprising.

Way to think about it is, the people around you at the time when you supposedly said something stupid, won't themselves be giving it much thought if anys o you shouldn't dwell on it.


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## joe111 (Apr 25, 2009)

this happens to me all the time. I try and not think about it but i always end up regreting what i say so i'v spent a long time avoiding things which really hacks away at my social life.


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## citizenjane (May 5, 2009)

cynic said:


> anyone else have this problem? Often I will say things that are awkward, inappropriate, or even humiliating, and I don't even realize it at the time I said it. Often I will look back on what I said and kick myself over it. Sometimes I wont realize how I came off to people until days, weeks, months, or even years later when I look back on the situation. The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.


Yes. I used to do this a lot when I was younger (and still do, when I drink, which is rarely).
Even now, I can make myself cringe with shame and squirm with embarrassment, thinking about some of the stupid and embarrassing things that have popped out of my mouth. It's almost physically _painful_ for me to think about.
I just try to remind myself that everyone who heard me make some random stupid comment four or five years ago has no doubt forgotten all about it by now. I'm the only person in the world who still remembers it, and so basically, if I can avoid thinking about it, it will be as if it never happened.

As long as I'm sober (which is most of the time) I am now able to speak slowly and carefully and guard against saying ridiculous things, which I wasn't always able to do when I was younger. These days, I say as little as possible, nothing to cause myself embarrassment. I stick to neutral subjects, or keep the focus of the conversation on the other person. I've had people tell me that I'm a good listener, always ready to listen to other people's problems and offer sympathy.
They don't know that this is a skill I've developed to avoid talking about myself, and saying embarrassing things.


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## hopena (Feb 21, 2005)

> anyone else have this problem? Often I will say things that are awkward, inappropriate, or even humiliating, and I don't even realize it at the time I said it. Often I will look back on what I said and kick myself over it. Sometimes I wont realize how I came off to people until days, weeks, months, or even years later when I look back on the situation. The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.


I have it, and I'm doing it right now... I can feel better for a while, only for the thoughts to get to me when I'm getting tired, or just waking up. It would be bad enough if it were over something trivial, but it when isn't, I end up feeling that I just don't deserve anything good, that I'm a bad person, over one type of mistake that I hardly ever make.


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## Holly Short (Apr 30, 2009)

I regret practically everything I say.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Actually, I hardly regret anything I say. I might think about having said it differently because I can be pretty blunt sometimes, but never not saying it at all.

Now, things I do, that's completely different.


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## TorLin (Nov 14, 2006)

i always rethink before speaking.


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## BrittneyNicole (May 17, 2009)

I'll do things like that, think about them later, and then physically wince at my own stupidity.


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## Ceilidh (Apr 10, 2009)

ALL the time .____. I remember asking this guy if he had a crush on my friend and the situation was quite awkward afterwards. This was about 3 years ago and I've regretted it since /: he has probably forgotten about it /: I sometimes make jokes that nobody else finds funny (I have a dark sense of humour) and regret them too.

What I think is if a friend of mine said something silly/stupid I wouldn't dwell on it for years, so why should I? half of the people I've said stupid things to have probably forgotten all about it.


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

I often say the wrong thing to people. I think its because I don't talk to people very often, so when I do I get nervous and my words come out wrong. Sometimes I don't say the words I mean to say and it sounds like i'm having a go at the person i'm talking to, when that isn't my intention at all. But sometimes its worse, and my words just come out as gibberish, or i'll say completely the wrong word and people won't know what i'm talking about. 

It used to make me feel stupid and even more anxious when I said the wrong thing, but now when it happens I explain to person i'm talking to that sometimes I don't say the right words, and then tell them again what I meant to say. This seems to make it easier for both me and the other person as they then understand what i'm trying to say, and I don't have to worry about being misunderstood.


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## cheerio (May 9, 2009)

Yeah, that happens to me as well but usually I regret it right after I say it. Maybe my mind just processes slowly or my anxiety just gets the best of me with certain people or situations, but sometimes I end up blurting out something nonsensical to prevent an awkward silence. I try to rethink before I speak but sometimes I get anxious of the developing silence, so saying anything at that moment seemed better than not saying anything at all.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

what about not saying anything ? or saying less than you should have?


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## joe111 (Apr 25, 2009)

yeah i do this, but i think its just me thinking that i did say something wrong or stupid and i beat myself up thinking about it.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

cynic said:


> anyone else have this problem? Often I will say things that are awkward, inappropriate, or even humiliating, and I don't even realize it at the time I said it. Often I will look back on what I said and kick myself over it. Sometimes I wont realize how I came off to people until days, weeks, months, or even years later when I look back on the situation. The last couple years I have been obsessed with reliving these moments in my head, and I constantly beat myself up over it.


Yes, I have a list. Each item has several triggers that will begin a memory loop in my head for several hours until I manage to stifle it.


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## kee (Sep 22, 2008)

I do dwell on feeling stupid on things I've said. My words have hurt others, and have been misinterpreted a lot of times. It's not as bad as having done something wrong though.

The only reassurance I have is that everyone has said something they shouldn't/didn't mean to in their lifes.


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## wintermind (Aug 26, 2008)

It happens to me all the time, but most often when I'm carried away in a conversation. I used to apply a couple-sec delay to prepare before every complex sentence what I'm going to say so it won't offend anyone, sounds grammarically correct, and is pronounced cleanly, and at its best it comes off as slightly artificial.


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## iranair777 (Aug 19, 2008)

nearly everything I did/do and say I regret. Some things I have said or done in the past always slow my progress down and all I feel like doing is going to kill myself.


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## hopena (Feb 21, 2005)

> what about not saying anything ? or saying less than you should have


I've regretted this as well. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.


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## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

I only ever regret something I said if I get an unexpected response (even no response can be bad).


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## Leigh20reed (Jul 23, 2008)

I do this all the time, it like when i'm in a social situation and i'm really uncomfortable stupid things come flying out of my mouth and later or even right after i say it. I like relive the situation and just feel stupid and kinda physically sick thinking about it. I we remember conversations from years ago its so stupid but i cant help it


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## spar00 (Jun 17, 2009)

This is a very common problem for me. The smallest comments or actions will cause me to wish over and over again that I could have done things differently. Just having a sentence come out slightly awkwardly will make me fear that I've caused others to think less of me.

I still remember a conversation that occured 2-3 years ago during lunch at school. A friend of mine asked about my soda preferences, I mentioned that I dislike root beer. Well, later I finally tried root beer again and found that I loved it. To this day, I still regret having given that "inaccurate" answer. :roll


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## northernlight (Jul 12, 2009)

Oh yeah, constantly. That fear of misinterpretation is something that's contributed to me keeping quiet, that and the reflection on past conversations that didn't go well.


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## scatterheart (Jul 12, 2009)

Yes. Yes. Yes.

>_<

It happens online as well. Sometimes, after a while, I get 'paranoid' about the things I've posted..


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

The things I that I regret saying later are usually serious.
For example, the night before last I told the girl I love that I wanted her to make me hate her.
At the time I did.
But she didn't understand why.
I couldn't make her understand why....
So I felt like an idiot later.
Yesterday I told her it would never happen again.
I don't plan on talking to her for a while.


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## Stu (Nov 2, 2009)

Totally understand all these posts, I get the feeling people hang around me because watching me splutter and dribble sh*t is entertaining.

Problem is no matter how hard I try I can't resist opening my mouth, there's very little people say that I don't have an opinion on or experience with. 

Sometimes I'm doing fine while talking to someone and a little voice in my head will say "wow this is a big sentence coming up, and you're improvising...here comes the stumble!" and sure enough I will literally trip myself up and look seriously challenged intellectually.

Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and/or to the wrong person has cost me jobs, friendships and dignity. And it never gets easier to forget or stop thinking about specific incidents either.

Perhaps I should sew my mouth shut.


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## Gravitybound (Sep 11, 2012)

I do this all the time, it's so relieving to know I'm not alone in how messed up I am. What's worse for me is when I say something online and then it's just always there to remind me of how stupid I am and why I should always choose NOT to get involved in things or have a say... there's just less stress that way


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## Nicks485 (Sep 7, 2012)

If only you knew how much I do this... Whenever I think about stuff that I said I cring and think how stupid I must of sounded at the time.


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## billphilbertson (Aug 11, 2011)

cynic said:


> dude, me too. If I say something that I might perceive as 'silly' later, I replay it over and over in my head to try to justify it somehow.


This happens to me as well, but as someone else said, I normally realise what I said was silly at the time. I'll replay it over and over in my head and try to put a spin on it that could result in it being perceived as something close to a rational statement. "I could have meant ......... and that would've made some sort of sense!"


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

All the time. I get so embarrassed and wish I could change the past almost daily.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

No, I tend to regret the things I *don't* say more than the things I do say.


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## sclara (May 20, 2013)

Oh this is totally me. My whole self esteem is burning over something stupid I said at a bbq earlier today. I just want to crawl in a shell and never come out.


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## Sophie7226 (Oct 11, 2014)

I always get this. I spend ridiculous amounts of time regretting what I say to people. Like today I sent a text that I thought sounded to harsh in my head and it was silly because no noticed on this chat group thing but I can't stop thinking about it.


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

I see this behaviour as a symptom of sa. Always critiquing ourselves.


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## Satoni (Aug 20, 2014)

I always have these foot-in-mouth moments which I end up regretting later. Most of the time what I say is rather trivial and, although embarrassing I can laugh it off. However there have been occasional moments where what I've said has pissed off quite a few of my friends and family.


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## Rivermark (Jun 17, 2011)

Yes. But mostly I regret the things I didn't say/do.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Rivermark said:


> I guess. But mostly I regret the things I didn't say/do.


Truer words were never written


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

Cam1 said:


> No, I tend to regret the things I *don't* say more than the things I do say.


Always the ultimate dilemma I can't solve.

Every post on here. I embarrass myself with everything I say to anyone. I hold back draft emails. I send too many. Shutting up harms me and the same by saying too much, wrongly. A good summary of my friend who says don't ever apply for any job. Overall I seem to be against people's taste. Shy & quiet vs brash aggressive shouting are my reaction. People need a heavenly perfect balance. I achieve a lovely overall personal balance or spending and doing the right amount for me but can't do exactly what onlookers want from me.


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