# Senior Picture Day



## Timothy123 (Jan 27, 2013)

Welp I have a short sob story about my anxiety today . I have really bad head tremors when i'm told to stay still, take a picture, or move my head a certain way and stuff. Yeah you all know about that. But my head shaking isn't really that bad unless I have to take a picture. That is just the worst. The last 2 years of my school pictures and the day I took my drivers permit picture was HORRIBLE. When the camera pointed to me I just felt like the camera man could see deep into my soul and he said "Okay now stay still" and it just triggered my head shaking so bad. Everyone was staring at me crazy and he said he couldn't take the photo cause I was shaking so bad. I looked like a chihuahua :|. I was so embarrassed. This has happened 3 times in the past 2 years within those 3 incidents. It's pretty much gotten worse after each picture day. 

I first noticed in the 8th grade a little head shaking taking my school photo but thought nothing of it. 9th grade it was a little worst. 10th grade it was really noticeable and someone behind me looked at me weird. And 11th grade was just a mess like the story I explained above.

Anyways back to picture day. It's senior year. It's supposed to be the best year. I knew picture day was coming up and I already felt butterflys in my stomach days ahead. Everyone kept bringing up picture day and how the camera man gives us nice clothing to wear for the photo. I got more and more nervous at the thought of embarrassing myself in front of my class. But I tried to not think of it. And finally the day comes.. I actually wasn't nervous at all. All of my anxiety was pretty much gone today. I was supposed to present in class and normally on days like this i'd be a mess but I calmed myself down so much (I don't know how I did it but I did it because normally trying to calm down makes me more anxious). 

But I lasted period through period with no anxiety. We take pictures 6th period. I was fine the whole day and then the end of 5th period bell rings. I feel a pit in my stomach but i'm fine. I was deciding all day on what to do. Should I take the photo and see if my head shakes? This was the first time during picture day I had no anxiety. Should I skip class? I've never skipped class and i'm such a goody goody and i'm afraid of getting caught but I was so close to doing it. I was going back and forth all day and when the time came I just walked in class and said "i'm going to do it"

Anyways long story short, my class walks in the empty gym and the guys & girls are separated into 2 different lines. Senior picture day is way different than picture day for underclassman. The way the line was set up gave all my anxiety back. Pretty much you were sitting down on a stool facing the wall while the 40+ people in line could see you from the right side since nothing was covering the sides of the green screen behind you. If you were getting your picture taken you could pretty much see the first few people in line staring at you from the corner of your eye. I was in the very back of the line and could see the first persons photo being taken. And the camera man took FOREVER. They made the guy put on nice clothes, and he sat still for a while and then kept going back to the camera making him pose different and fixing him up and everyone was staring him down. I almost had a panic attack just watching because i imagined myself sitting where he was and then having my head bounce around nodding all over the place. After that I was just done.

I ended up sitting on the bleachers discretely hoping my teacher wouldn't see me, and thank god he didn't. I just acted like I took it when people asked me but i lied. I guess I won't be in the year book and I have no school i.d. and frankly I don't care. Part of me wanted to just get it done cause it's senior pictures, but the other part didn't want any part in pretty much having a panic attack in front of my judgement classmates. 

Wow this was longer than I expected and I expect no one to read it, but this head shaking thing is so frustrating. Over the last 4 years or so i've learned to control it better in social situations. I can eat & drink in public. I can look most people in the eye fine (but not when I look to my side to look someone in the eye). I can for the most part raise my hand in class and speak and have people look back at me and be fine. (But I don't cause i'm too shy) but PICTURES is the worst. I don't even want to try to get my license because of this head thing. It's ruining my life and I don't even know what to do. I'm to embarrassed to tell anyone and after reading so many stories I feel like it's just hopeless. But yeah that's my sob story of the day . Hopefully I can control my anxiety well like I did today though. I felt perfectly normal at school for the first time in ages up until 6th period.


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