# question for the guys.



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

this question is especially for guys with dating experience. what gets your attention about a girl? i mean, what catches your attention the first time you see her and makes you want to talk to/date her? and how has this affected your past relationships?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

tigerlilly said:


> this question is especially for guys with dating experience. what gets your attention about a girl? i mean, what catches your attention the first time you see her and makes you want to talk to/date her? and how has this affected your past relationships?


It is usually physical appeal then personality. She doesn't have to be perfect but needs something that attracts me physically.

As far as relationships, I never had a long term but I would suppose in the past I wasn't as focused on personality as I am now. I don't think being physically attractive will get you far with anyone if your personality sucks and/or clashes with the other person, and this goes for anyone. I want/need both a physical and emotional connection with someone if I would consider it to work.

On a side note, I've dated women (approached me) who I wasn't really attracted to physically. A couple had pretty good personalities and a couple had CRAPPY, CRAPPY personalities but I didn't realize it at the time because I had such low self-esteem it didn't really hit home in my head till later. In other words, I know for a fact that you can't have a successful and meaningful relationship with someone if your not mentally/emotionally (variety of things) connected in some way.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> It is usually physical appeal then personality. She doesn't have to be perfect but needs something that attracts me physically.


well i figured the first time you see a girl you won't know her personality. what specifically draws your attention?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

tigerlilly said:


> well i figured the first time you see a girl you won't know her personality. what specifically draws your attention?


Physical appeal, but that is what grabs my attention. If she has a bad/clashing personality then I lose interest.


----------



## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

How a girl dresses is important to me. It helps me tell what kind of things they might be into.


----------



## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Figure and face.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

By physical appeal I mean figure, dress, hygiene, etc. I'm sorry, felt I needed to clarify...


----------



## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> By physical appeal I mean figure, dress, hygiene, etc. I'm sorry, felt I needed to clarify...


That's pretty much all anyone has to work off of without actually meeting this person.

I know the way I present myself changes the types of girls I might attract.


----------



## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

How she looks (clothes, pretty face, body, expression). After that if shes nice when I say hello and if we make eye contact comfortably I will notice her more.

I'll want to talk to her if shes physically attractive and if she doesn't seem stand off-ish.


----------



## Lovesick Loner (Oct 19, 2009)

I'm always initially attracted by a pretty face. Some guys go nuts over a girl's body dimensions, but not me. Having a killer body is great, but it's not the most important thing to attract my attention.

As far as personality, I guess it would make sense that I'm attracted to girls who are more on the quiet side and don't attract a whole bunch of attention to themselves. A girl who can be quiet, modest, confident, and approachable at the same time is very sexy.

Turn-offs would be loud mouths and girls who cake on layers of make-up.


----------



## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Its going to be different for every guy. One thing to note, we aren't that complicated. There isn't a whole routine you have to perform. We're pretty simple creatures.


----------



## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

It's generally a package deal, but I tend to notice thin waists first. After that, I work my way around the rest of her...


----------



## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Honestly? A nice butt. Call me shallow, but I just can't help myself. After that, her eyes. I like a girl with large, innocent eyes. Physically speaking, everything else is unimportant. Personality wise, I'm attracted to compassion, love, understanding, a sharp sense of humor, and courage. Someone who knows what they want out of life and is willing to go after it will always grab my attention, and keep it. As for shyness, it can be _very_ attractive, depending on the girl, but it's not really a factor for me. As long as she's able to understand and accept my own introversion, it's cool either way.


----------



## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

Funnily enough I'm extra attracted to girls who aren't shy at all.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

Dempsey said:


> Funnily enough I'm extra attracted to girls who aren't shy at all.


hmmmm. and that doesn't cause problems when you're in social situations with the hypothetical girl?


----------



## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

nightrain said:


> How a girl dresses is important to me. It helps me tell what kind of things they might be into.


It's terribly reductionist of me, but I take a fair amount of stock in dress habits as well. Clothes can tell you a lot about a person, and there are definitely certain styles that I gravitate towards, but in general just how well put together an outfit is has an effect too.

Smile/laugh/expressiveness are all huge factors. I love anyone's genuine laugh or smile, but when these things are cruel or forced I will quickly lose interest. More expressiveness is always better.

Someone who doesn't mind looking like a bit of a goof now and then is always a plus. Self-deprecation and passion/the willingness to commit to a topic of discussion are key here.

The way a girl talks plays a big part as well. Obviously, hurtful, offensive, or insensitive speech is a instant showstopper. Beyond that, a helpful and friendly attitude is great, especially if there is a slight sarcastic bent present. These last two might just be particular to me, but I prefer a higher register and inventive diction as well. I get really tired of generic slang, so it's always a thrill to meet someone who has her own voice.

And, because I'm a shallow beast at heart, hair and face will draw my attention as well. Any hairstyle is fine as long as it works for the person, and face is hard to pin down, but important. Less makeup is pretty much always a positive. Lastly, for whatever reason, blue eyes creep the crap out of me.

....goodness, initial attraction is complicated! The crazy bit is that I go through all of this over the course of a scant couple of minutes, without even really thinking about it. It's been interesting to write all this down!


----------



## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

tigerlilly said:


> hmmmm. and that doesn't cause problems when you're in social situations with the hypothetical girl?


It might. I'll tell you when I find out.


----------



## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

There's no way I could know whether I would be interested in dating a girl at first sight. No matter how good she looked, I would have to have get to know her to get attracted enough to want to date her.

As far as sparking initial interest goes, it would be if I liked the way she looks, dressed, did her hair, etc... and that doesn't mean that the more she looks like a model or something out of playboy, the better...but rather if she appeales to my personal taste and sense of style.

After that, just watching her a little, and see if I like the way she acts and what kind of person she seems to be...if she fits my definition of "nice" and "cool", lol....etc...

If a girl dresses "sexy" enough to stand out from the other girls, it's kind of a turn off.


----------



## FBH (Dec 3, 2009)

A pretty face and nice hair catch my attention. Not very helpful I'm sure, because different guys find different features attractive...

I guess I'm not very picky appearance-wise, but I've got much higher expectations for her personality and character.



irishK said:


> I dont know why I have always had the idea that guys were mainly attracted to a girl who seems to have it all together and secure in herself and was outgoing. I have always felt that my insecurities and goofiness were major turn offs to people, although no one has ever stated that directly so maybe it is my own negative judgement of myself. This could be part of the reason that I would be confused if someone is attracted to me because I see my insecurities, shyness and lack of confidence as major hinderances.


No matter how secure you appear, no matter how stable you seem, you'll always have problems. This is true for _everyone_. Things like shyness and goofiness aren't turnoffs for me, because they wouldn't add problems to my life if you were in it. Just because you need to be comfortable to be yourself doesn't mean that you aren't worth getting to know, and I personally find eccentricity and goofiness to be good and interesting things. Of course, everybody's opinions vary, but I think most people aren't particularly put off by these, when there's so many drama queens and psychotic girls out there.



irishK said:


> It's nice to read that although there has to be an initial attraction, there has to be something deeper to make a guy want to date someone, beyond a hard body.


Of course there is. I know plenty of very attractive girls that I wouldn't even give a chance, because they're hollow and empty.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

*Keep it clean people!*


----------



## OKdOut (Feb 22, 2008)

tigerlilly said:


> what gets your attention about a girl? i mean, what catches your attention the first time you see her and makes you want to talk to/date her? and how has this affected your past relationships?


""gets your attention?""
figure >> breasts >> face >> hair >> legs.
^^attention, in that order^^

""and makes you want to talk to/date her?""
dress, smile/facial expression, friendly, openness,

First, I think you are very smart to recognise that "gets your attention?" and "and makes you want to talk to/date her?" are two different things. 
Guys first notice those things that makes females "female" first, after that we generally look for compatibility and acceptability. Such things as how she styles her hair, and the appropriateness of her clothes is assumed to reflect her demeanour and openness to others. 
One can not judge personality at sight. Some girls seem to think that their personality is a turn off. This may be true after some time of getting to know a girl, but initially, a girls overall appearance serves as her personality. I mean, if she has on shades, a cell phone paste to her ears, and dressed too flashy, that communicates a introverted personality in the wrong way. Being shy and quiet does not mean introverted, being occupied totally with herself is a sure sign that she is totally introverted.

excessive skin/cleavage gets lots of attention, but usually says she is advertising for special attention$$, which some guys do like but not me personally.

Most girls just need to stand in one spot for 10 minutes and a guy will approach her. They don't have to work hard at it.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

irishK said:


> I dont know why I have always had the idea that guys were mainly attracted to a girl who seems to have it all together and secure in herself and was outgoing. I have always felt that my insecurities and goofiness were major turn offs to people, although no one has ever stated that directly so maybe it is my own negative judgement of myself. This could be part of the reason that I would be confused if someone is attracted to me because I see my insecurities, shyness and lack of confidence as major hinderances.
> 
> I was surprised to read alot of people here have said "how a girl dresses is important", I guess because it can portray a certain image or style of her personality.
> 
> It's nice to read that although there has to be an initial attraction, there has to be something deeper to make a guy want to date someone, beyond just a hard body.


It is pretty much the same thing women want in men. Am I right?


----------



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I don't think there is anything specific for me as I tend to gravitate towards women that quite a few men seemingly do not find attractive. However, a few patterns I've noticed about the women I'm attracted to: they all have large, very pronounced eyes. Think Christina Ricci. Smaller, heart-shaped mouth is a plus. Nice average body type or even slightly chubby is prefered. down-turning eyebrows rather than the wierd right angle arches most seem to enjoy painting onto their foreheads. LONG HAIR. I don't know how many times we need to go over this--and I know it's easier to manage when it's shorter--but long hair=femenine. Curves are also a plus. I hate the skinny, bum-less and hip-less girls that always order salads and fruity drinks at the bar. Small, well-kept feet. That's all I can think of atm.


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

hair and a nice figure.


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

It's the full package. Physical attraction is the biggest element...a girl either catches my eye or she doesn't. And personality always shines through in first impressions. I can look at a girl and know instantly whether or not she's somebody I'd want to get to know. 

Sometimes I'll see girls that are drop dead gorgeous but they seem completely unapproachable because they come across as too hard, aggressive and outgoing. That kind of stuff scares me off. I just admire her beauty from a distance in those situations.:b


----------



## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

For me it is hair. Hair plays a big part. Color and style. Usually black has the most appeal. Also pink glossy lips, and a few piercings. 
However that's not always true. If they look too hardcore I won't be attracted at first. If they "look" shy and quiet like I am well then that's going to be attractive to me.

And then of course the other usual suspects, face and body type. 
However I will say I think way too many girls that think they're fat or unattractive are perfectly fine. I'm not a picky eater by any means.


----------



## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> It is pretty much the same thing women want in men. Am I right?


Women want a confident man, Men want an attractive girl.


----------



## dullard (Aug 4, 2008)

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that women would want to find a man that they find attractive as well.

edit: (confidence isn't everything)


----------



## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

dullard said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that women would want to find a man that they find attractive as well.


You're not wrong.


----------



## Louis (Jun 30, 2009)

personally a pretty face, tattoos, piercing can be hot to a point, I mostly like girls who are a little messed up and tough. Pretty face is by far the most important thing for me though, followed by attitude.


----------



## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

shadowmask said:


> Honestly? A nice butt. Call me shallow, but I just can't help myself. After that, her eyes. I like a girl with large, innocent eyes. ..


LOL. Me too. I also like modest/conservative clothing. Depends on context of course.



dullard said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that women would want to find a man that they find attractive as well.
> edit: (confidence isn't everything)


Right. Except that confidence *is* attractive to women. I've always thought of confidence in men as man-boobs. That is to say: you can show off your-man boobs, or accentuate them and it will attract the opposite sex. :b I have A-cup confidence in a DD world, :b (no offense to small breasted women-I use the analogy loosely....and no, not all men like big boobs.)

Oh, and I like *shy* and somewhat quiet women. And yeah sometimes you can tell that from afar. Outgoing ones intimidate me, not in a bad way, I mean they would make good friends, and I would talk to one but I would not find that attractive. Shy girls ROCK.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

irishK said:


> I guess women and men do want alot of the same basic things in eachother. I dont think all women look for confident guys. Obviously it is an attractive quality for some. Definately never arrogance and someone too outgoing and loud is a turn off.


God, I need to really start doing some more approaches. This is driving me nuts...


----------



## CosmicNeurotica (Sep 26, 2009)

rickthegreat said:


> LOL. Me too. I also like modest/conservative clothing. Depends on context of course.
> 
> Right. Except that confidence *is* attractive to women. I've always thought of confidence in men as man-boobs. That is to say: you can show off your-man boobs, or accentuate them and it will attract the opposite sex. :b I have A-cup confidence in a DD world, :b (no offense to small breasted women-I use the analogy loosely....and no, not all men like big boobs.)
> 
> Oh, and I like *shy* and somewhat quiet women. And yeah sometimes you can tell that from afar. Outgoing ones intimidate me, not in a bad way, I mean they would make good friends, and I would talk to one but I would not find that attractive. Shy girls ROCK.


Exactly.
When I say men want an attractive woman I was talking about looks. It's the confidence in men that women find most attractive as opposed to men who find looks and body more important.
To impress a lady, be confident. To impress a man, look good. It's pretty simple really. Men are intimidated most by other men who are confident, women are more intimidated by other women who they think look better.
Again though, we're talking first impressions. Once you get to know a person other variables will be more important.


----------



## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

path0gen said:


> I don't think there is anything specific for me as I tend to gravitate towards women that quite a few men seemingly do not find attractive. However, a few patterns I've noticed about the women I'm attracted to: they all have large, very pronounced eyes. Think Christina Ricci. Smaller, heart-shaped mouth is a plus. Nice average body type or even slightly chubby is prefered. down-turning eyebrows rather than the wierd right angle arches most seem to enjoy painting onto their foreheads. LONG HAIR. I don't know how many times we need to go over this--and I know it's easier to manage when it's shorter--but long hair=femenine. Curves are also a plus. I hate the skinny, bum-less and hip-less girls that always order salads and fruity drinks at the bar. Small, well-kept feet. That's all I can think of atm.


I never really understood the whole "shorter hair is easier to maintain." If I have short hair I have to spend and hour on it each morning. No thank you. I am low maintenance.


----------



## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

Eyes are the number one way a girl hooks me. If a girl knows how to make eye contact without giving out the skank vibe it's cool .


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

strawberryjulius said:


> I never really understood the whole "shorter hair is easier to maintain." If I have short hair I have to spend and hour on it each morning. No thank you. I am low maintenance.


i'm inclined to agree. i mean, if you have naturally well-behaved hair, short hair IS easier to maintain. but i learned the hard way that my hair is NOT easier to maintain when it's shorter. it's easier to *keep clean* but harder to *style well*. i spend less time on my hair now only because when it comes to your shoulders, using a flatiron doesn't take as long as when it falls almost to your elbows. and really it evens out anyway because when my hair is longer it looks okay wavy more frequently.

anyway, sorry to go off-topic on my own thread. continue please.


----------



## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

strawberryjulius said:


> I never really understood the whole "shorter hair is easier to maintain." If I have short hair I have to spend and hour on it each morning. No thank you. I am low maintenance.


It is for me :b


----------



## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

irishK said:


> Just out of curiousity... what is a skank vibe. Is this a Canadian term I didn't learn in school?  I hope I dont have it. It sounds like a negative.


 Haha, I don't know if its a canadian term. I guess what I mean is there is a difference between eye contact that says "hey I might be interested" vs "I want to bang you right now in the coat room" lol. Or maybe I'm just crazy.


----------



## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I know I'm not a dude, but my short hair was the main reason my current bf noticed me in the first place. He liked it.


----------



## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

nightrain said:


> It is for me :b


Good point, it does depend on what kind of hair you have. :b

(Sorry for being so off-topic tigerlilly! I will leave this thread now! Haha)


----------



## FBH (Dec 3, 2009)

For me, short hair _can_ be attractive, but I find long hair more attractive for just about all women. Of course, this is just me...

I think I can say that in general, if you want to attract guys: Have nice hair that works well with your body and face, practice a normal hygiene routine, put on a little bit of makeup to bring out your features (*but don't over do it*) and wear clothes that suit your personality. Anything from casual to exquisite works, but I think going for an overall feminine look is good. Oh, and smile at a guy if you're interested. We don't read minds, unfortunately. And of course, you're not going to get a fair number of people's attention, because everybody looks for different things, but all that really matters is getting the right person's attention.


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

going by my tiny dating history to start with i guess you have to have some kind of dating profile on the internet, lol. given that, there are a lot of things that are good/bad (lots and lots and lots).

if you mean irl, i havn't and i have no idea what anyone would have to do to make me. first maybe you'd have to kill my gf in some kind of death match.


----------



## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

Oh man? I know but I don't know how to explain it

I guess, how a women expresses herself

I appreciate all the things a women does...

clothes, hair, make-up, Everything

Feminine is a huge plus

beyond that: creative...free thinking...smart...compassionate...egalitarian...happy...sad...
all of the above...what can I say

turnoffs: Dogma...judgemental,


----------



## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

The way a girl dresses, and her personality is what gets my attention the most. I find most girls attractive to some extent, so body type and facial features are not real high on my list. Some types of clothing that get my attention would be, horizontal stripes, pea coats, chuck taylors, and dark colored skinny jeans.

I like quiet intelligent girls, I got to be able to have an intelligent conversation, I don't like to dumb down my speech for people, although it happens a lot. Having some kind of interesting hobby is a plus.

It a girl is alone its a plus, if they are in a group I won't approach, its too intimidating. They have seem nice too, like not just nice to me, nice to everyone. Not overly flirty, but not standoffish.


----------



## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

quirky is cool...not to cool for school

IDK.....some ladies I find attractive....Jennifer Anniston, The secretary from Rob Drydeks Fantasy Factory, Natalie Portman, Katie Perry, Lady Gagga

all for different reasons:
Jennifer Anniston-quirky, funny, not to cool for school, down to earth
Natalie Portman-socially aware, smart, compassionate, thoughtfull, introspective
Katy Perry-Devil may care attitude, 
Lady Gagga-creative, smart, thoughtful, introspective


----------



## Turkojan (Jan 30, 2010)

Face, eyes, how she dresses (to an extent)


----------



## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

tigerlilly said:


> this question is especially for guys with dating experience. what gets your attention about a girl? i mean, what catches your attention the first time you see her and makes you want to talk to/date her? and how has this affected your past relationships?


Shyness/akwardness, niceness and cuteness. Don't think I represent the majority of guys though.


----------



## citizenerased1987 (Oct 17, 2009)

Eyes, its all about the eyes.

I remember a girl i fancied a few years ago walked passed me in college and made really deep eye contact with me, i nearly died on the stop, amazing feeling


----------



## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

tigerlilly said:


> this question is especially for guys with dating experience. what gets your attention about a girl? i mean, what catches your attention the first time you see her and makes you want to talk to/date her? and how has this affected your past relationships?


It's of course her appearance--but not just looking sexy. For me, I'd approach a woman if 1)I found her to be within my parameters of physical attractiveness but also 2)if she radiated kindness and 3)she looked like she might be on my wavelength--e.g. she wasn't too slick looking or flashy, wasn't dressed as a punk rocker, was not covered in tatoos, or looking fresh off the plane from her home in Iran.


----------

