# Anyone have to deal with psychotic episodes??



## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

Let me explain...


I've had SA since childhood.
I've dealt with depression since adolescence.
I quit my job, due to bullying, when I was 21.
My SA got progressively worse. For several years I didn't go anywhere.
I had my first psychotic episode when I was 24; triggered by stress, lack of sleep, and marital problems.
Since then I've had 5 more psychotic episodes; due to stress in trying to obtain new jobs or finishing college always mixed with lack of sleep.
I have been misdiagnosed as bipolar (mood stabilizers were never necessary, the doctors were wrong), but my current diagnosis is depression with psychotic feature.
I was on Wellbutrin, Prozac, and Abilify consistently for almost two years.

It's been almost three years since I've had my last psychotic episode. I'm getting weened off my medication. I'm only taking Prozac now. I'm a little worried and nervous, but this is exactly what I want. I want to get off meds. Mostly to get ready to have children within the next year or so, but also just for myself. I hate this numbness that I feel. I work out (run and walk) almost everyday to feel better. My therapist says that exercising will help me, and it really has.

My questions are... has anyone ever dealt with psychosis personally? How did you handle it? Medication? No medication? Did you have children when you went through an episode? How do you cope with having a family and then having an episode? Any advice??


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## The Other (Oct 23, 2011)

I haven't got any advice at the moment, but I'm really curious- what happens during your psychotic episodes, what are your behaviors, etc.? How long do they last?


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## LainToWired (Nov 10, 2011)

No, but I think a full blown psychotic episode is slowly creeping up on me, I mean it's hard to think straight and logically, I think a lot of chaotic thoughts. Today I woke up and my thoughts were just weird. Still weird. 

I worry a lot about what would happen if I did go psychotic, I have some responsibility to my family. It wouldn't be nice to lose control around them. So, maybe it's best to tell them to phone a crisis team if something happens. And arrange contingencies, ask relatives to look after your dependants if things go wrong...


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

What exactly is a psychotic episode? I know that probably sounds pretty stupid ... I just wondered what it felt like because something happened to me a few days ago and I'm not sure what it was.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

Scum of Society said:


> I haven't got any advice at the moment, but I'm really curious- what happens during your psychotic episodes, what are your behaviors, etc.? How long do they last?


I become delusional and sometimes I hallucinate. Mostly auditory hallucinations, I hear things that are not really there. I know because they are sounds that other people don't hear (like people shouting my name). Sometimes, I see things that aren't really there either (like people's faces and bodies changing). But that's less often.

The delusions are really scary. _You don't actually know that they aren't real until after you're out of the episode. _It kind of *creeps up* on me. I believe that everyone around me is spying on me, watching me. There are security cameras everywhere I go. I feel like when I go out people are following me. I think that my phone is bugged. I feel like my life and my family's life are in danger. I *hear* and *believe* that my family are being tortured next door. Religion can get mixed up in my delusions too. Like I feel like I can see angels in people or the devil. Distorted faces and things like that.

I'm really a peaceful person, so I've never harmed anyone. I cut myself once during an episode. That was it. Really, what I say makes no sense to people when I am in an episode because I lose touch with reality and believe things that aren't real.

Time. I lose a lot of time during an episode. I forget about things that I do. I have vague memories of doing things like going for a cigarette (I quit smoking now though), conversations, there are gaps in my memory.

The worst of the episode--hallucinations, believing the really strong delusional thoughts, fear, feeling danger, losing time--lasts for one week at the most. But the delusional thinking sometimes stays in my mind and that can last for months until I can readjust to normal thinking again.

My husband takes me to a mental hospital every time for me to get help. But insurance only covers 5-8 days at most.

So I guess no one else goes through what I go through? Maybe I'm in the wrong forum then?


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

LainToWired said:


> No, but I think a full blown psychotic episode is slowly creeping up on me, I mean it's hard to think straight and logically, I think a lot of chaotic thoughts. Today I woke up and my thoughts were just weird. Still weird.


Weird thoughts are okay. That doesn't really signify psychosis. Feel blessed that you don't deal with it. You can read my previous post to Scum of Society to get an idea of what I go through.

But if you aren't sure, I'm not a psychiatrist, you should see one to be sure.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

LainToWired said:


> I worry a lot about what would happen if I did go psychotic, I have some responsibility to my family. It wouldn't be nice to lose control around them. So, maybe it's best to tell them to phone a crisis team if something happens. And arrange contingencies, ask relatives to look after your dependants if things go wrong...


I forgot to respond to this part. Sorry for the multiple responses...

Those are all good suggestions...to have a crisis team and arrange contingencies. I should make sure of those things when I have children.

I guess I just want to avoid it completely. Without medication.


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## Minipurz (Aug 25, 2009)

Experienced a psychotic episode this summer.

Dont really know what triggered it, maybe too much change in my life at once- i dunno.

But the episode was mostly filled with delusions and paranoia. No hallucinating.

Thinking people watched me throug mirrows, televisons etc.

Also thought that my mom and dad was dead, first one then another..

Thought the world as we know it was just a facade, like there was this big secret about everyone had left the cities to live in the forests and ****.

Though im atheist I at some point also thought the psych. at the mental ward was Jesus and the chief psych. was God.. Thought the part of europe I live in (denmark- jutland) was Noah's Ark.

At some point I suspected the people at the mental ward was going to give me a lobotomy, so I broke up a window and ran off.. Actually ran off 4-5 times cause I kept forgetting why I was there.

Just a minor fragment of the stuff that happend.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

Weird Fishes said:


> What exactly is a psychotic episode? I know that probably sounds pretty stupid ... I just wondered what it felt like because something happened to me a few days ago and I'm not sure what it was.


You can read my previous post to Scum of Society to see what I go through when I'm in an episode. They aren't usually easy to get into and out of. It takes a lot of time.

But you can see a psychiatrist to be sure.

Psychosis is defined as a loss of contact with reality, usually including false beliefs about what is taking place or who one is (delusions) and seeing or hearing things that aren't there (hallucinations).


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## Minipurz (Aug 25, 2009)

Ohh also, under and after the episode I was on antipsychotics - Zyprexa.
I live alone, but the episode took hard on my family, my mother and sister mostly.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

Minipurz said:


> Experienced a psychotic episode this summer.
> 
> Dont really know what triggered it, maybe too much change in my life at once- i dunno.
> 
> ...


Stress is always a huge trigger...for me anyways. That and lack of sleep. The first time it happened to me when I was 24, I stopped sleeping for seven days.

During one or two episodes, I believed that people could see me in the television. You know, when they look directly at the camera. I covered up all the mirrors in my apartment because I was afraid of what I might see in them.

Are you taking antipsychotics? I've taken Risperdal and Zyprexa and they were awful. Then I took Abilify for one of my later episodes and it was so much better. But the side effects are always lethal and it scares me.

Now I'm getting off of them though. I hope I never have to have another episode.


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## Minipurz (Aug 25, 2009)

Yeah, understand what you mean about the television, also thinking the programs is about me.

It was my first, and hopefully my last episode. Started with me forgetting to eat / sleep..

Was on Zyprexa for a few months, they had some sideeffects- gained weight and feeling more and more like a zombie. 
The weightgaining wasnt that bad for me, as I was skinny atm. but know of people who have really gained lots of weight on Zyprexa.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I have had 2 psychotic episodes. Once at age 11 and once at 19. I still have some psychotic tendencies. I tend to be extremely paranoid at times. I am diagnosed with Bipolar type I and all my episodes happened when I was under extreme stress.I was hospitalized both times.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

Sindelle said:


> I have had 2 psychotic episodes. Once at age 11 and once at 19. I still have some psychotic tendencies. I tend to be extremely paranoid at times. I am diagnosed with Bipolar type I and all my episodes happened when I was under extreme stress.I was hospitalized both times.


I'm sorry you had to deal with psychosis at such a young age. Since my first episode was at 24, I think I may have been somewhat better equipped to handle it. But then again, mental hospitals tend to be more concerned over children and adolescents, and they pretty much give up on the adults. That's how I felt anyway.

Extreme stress seems to be the cause for me, too. I wonder if there is a better way to handle stress so that it doesn't cause an episode...


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## bigbadmardigras (Sep 14, 2012)

Hey, I had a similar psychotic episode as described by Minipurz. It was this time last year exactly, which is what has prompted my looking on this forum! 

I was prescribed Abilify while in hospital which I stayed on for 6 months. I found it had all kinds of negative effects on my mood and ability to concentrate but was told not to come off of it. Eventually I ignored the instructions and have only improved since doing so. The depression didn't lift immediately but with exercise, like you say, which is great and also a lot of hypnosis, I'm actually happier now than I've ever been. Oh and I quit drinking and smoking.

It would be irresponsible of me to suggest this way is right for everyone, but in my experience life without medication is happy once your body settles down. So I'd recommend hypnosis, particularly Paul Mckenna, for lifting depression. Also I write in a journal every time I feel conflicted or upset and try to sift out what's causing it. 

I don't have children so I can't give advice about that but my family is close and while I was in hospital everyone was quite upset. I think it was very scary for them to see me go through it because someone you've known all your life suddenly not being mentally present is quite nightmarish. I would imagine this would be worse for children to experience as you're meant to be their foundations and support in life and you suddenly being out of touch with reality would traumatically shake that notion. So think it over a lot and really make sure you're ready and happy.


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## DubnRun (Oct 29, 2011)

I have had 2 psychotic episodes and been in mental hospital twice. The scariest and most depressing times of my life...shame that my life still massively sucks in between. I also had terrible lack of care experiences both times. MH's are a joke in UK.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*I read this post to my bf*



stargazer8 said:


> Let me explain...
> 
> 
> I've had SA since childhood.
> ...


who also has episodes and depression. he mentioned you listed a bunch of anti depresents (which he refuses to take) and you did not mention one single anti psychotic. He said Risperidone helps him greatly, he isnt on it right now but if things get hairy again he will be.

I had assumed one of the things you had listed would be an anti psycotic, and if you arnt on one currently, while your having there problems, then your real problems are being shoved aside. you must demand an anti psycotic, and to be on only one anti depressent at the very least. were both shocked.


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## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

I've never experienced psychosis. The closest I've come is pretty severe paranoia during my most recent depressive phase. Not to the extent that I thought my phone was bugged etc. Just the unshakable belief that everyone was out to cause me emotional harm. 

I am absolutely fascinated with psychosis. I'm sorry you guys have to go through it. From what I understand it's utterly terrifying.


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