# Can't get over my Mum's death.



## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

My mum died suddenly just before Christmas, and I can't seem to get over it. In fact, I feel worse as each week goes by. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how did you cope?

Thanks for your time.


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## stewbert (Apr 13, 2009)

I lost my mom somewhat suddenly last September. I don't think it's something you ever get over, but rather something you simply learn to live with. As for how to do that, I wish I could tell you. She's still on my mind every day and I still find myself breaking down from time to time even 7 months on. It helps to think about the fun times we had together, to focus on the happy life she had rather than how that life ended. 

Gah, I'm tearing up just typing this. I'm sorry you lost your mom. *hugs* Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It has been four years since my father passed away (already!). There are still times where it hits me that he is gone, but I know that doing the best I can would make him proud. It has been a struggle to handle everything since he has been gone, but it was really the only way I could do it - sink or swim.

I still make mistakes, but I know that he taught me well. 

I go out to eat Chinese food or a beef burrito to celebrate him on the day he died, his birthday, and Father's Day every year since then. I take time to remember that he will always be with me.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

Sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a parent yet but I can only imagine how difficult it is, especially if you were close.


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## JadedCalalily (Feb 24, 2011)

*I have not lost a parent but can not image the hurt that you must feel. Like others have said.. I don't think you ever do get over it but learn to deal with it, it will always be in the back of your mind because it is someone very close and someone that you have that special bond to. 
I am only 24 but have lost my uncle who I was extremely close to (in January) and best friend (in high school).. It was devastating.. it will get easier trust me, just take it one day at a time. As weird as it sounds when my best friend passed every week for the next 4 years I wrote her a letter and left it at her stone in a little bag.. I would write normal things about what is going on in life and how she was always in my thoughts..THAT HELPED ME A LOT!!!! Good luck and if you ever need someone to listen pm me *


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## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

I lost my mom unexpectedly five years ago. She was like my best friend and my mom so I was in shock for a while. I was severly depressed after that for a long time. I found the only way I could cope was to just think about the future. I avoided everything that reminded of my mom for a while and it helped me to move on. Now I am able to think about her and remeber the great times without have an emotional breakdown. Time is the biggest thing. It takes a while to heal. I am deeply sorry for your loss and if ever need to talk to someone please pm me.


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## royal (May 2, 2010)

I'm sorry. I haven't lost a parent before but I do understand how hard it must be for you.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

It might be worth, if you haven't already, seeking specialist support. Sometimes grief can become complicated grief.


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## gilt (Jan 7, 2010)

I'm sorry for your loss, refined rascal. 

I have lost both of my parents over that last 10 years. My father passed away a few months ago, also. The way that I cope with it is to detach myself by keeping myself busy; not to think about it. I don't know if it's healthy, but it's the way I cope.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

It's been 2 1/2 years since my dad died. As time goes by, you start to feel better although it'll never be the same again. I still miss him so much. I do exactly what gilt does to cope, find things to do to keep your mind off it. I blocked out how devastating it felt because there's no worse pain in the world than to see your father die. I truly don't know if you can get over it or what it feels like if you do.


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## fogoer03 (Feb 24, 2011)

It sucks. You just need to live it down.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Every day I more and more think about how I am going to react when my parent's buy the farm. I have noticed the last two years my parents are increasingly slowing down. My father doesn't like to work on his vehicles much. Now he just takes them to a mechanic. In his younger years he wouldn't even thought of doing that. Mom can't even come into my house anymore due to the stairs. She is still working as a Nurse, but eventually she is going to have to give that up.


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

Thanks so much for your replies and advice. I especially want to thank those who are going through similar problems as myself. I genuinely hope the day soon comes when you can think of those you've lost and not feel the unbearable sadness of grief.

Thanks again.


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## Morticia (Mar 31, 2011)

That same thing happened to me last year. My mother died in her sleep at about 10 or so on December 10th. My mother and I had always had problems and were almost always usually fighting but it still hit me really hard. It seemed like everything reminded me of her those first few days after. Even little things like seeing the kind of chips she liked would make me just burst into uncontrollable tears for almost an hour. Now I'm just still numb. My mom was all i had. I've never even really seen my dad. I just block everything out still. I guess sometimes that's all you can do. Until you're ready to move on.:um


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I'm sorry to hear of your mums passing. It has only been a few months right? Let yourself feel the loss completely. Indulge in it in healthy ways. Write about it. Cry whenever you meed to. And use the love you and your mum shared to treat others with extreme kindness. Including yourself. Life will open up again but it will just take some time.


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## tazz2 (Aug 24, 2011)

i lost my mum suddenly 11 years ago i have never really spoken to anyone about how this made me feel. i feel grateful on one hand that i had 50 years with her but on the other hand i can.t even bring myself to put up a picture as it makes me feel really angry.i will never feel this much pain again as nothing is as close as your mum.is there anyone going through similar problems.


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## MadMatt (Dec 15, 2010)

this thread makes me depressed hardcore 
I have a pretty good relationship with my mom but I just think I should do more to show her I love her but I get confused what to do sometimes. She has been smoking for 40 years now and I'm dreading the day that something catches up to her and it's show over.My dad has also been a heavy drinker for too many years now and is very obese.

After reading threads like this I just want to go to both of them and tell them I love them so much and I really hope they acknowledge how much I appreciate everything they have done for me.But I am so bad with these things. I can show emotion well but when it is forced I just don't know how to handle it. It's almost like I'm waiting for a tragedy to come to actually appreciate what I have 

I sincerely hope everyone above does find peace in their hears over the loss of loved ones. I know I am going to be a fcking wreck when that inevitable day eventually comes . Sorry for all the losses. I CANNOT begin to think what it must be like. I'm so sorry :'(


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## Misanthropic (Jun 25, 2010)

My condolences to everyone in this thread who'se lost a parent or anyone else they cared about.


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## Silent Hell (Sep 17, 2010)

My father recently committed suicide, it was such a shock because I thought my mother would pass away first since she has pancreatic cancer and is in such a weak state. The hardest part was having to go to the hospital to tell my mother what had happened. I still have trouble accepting the reality of this event and keep playing the sequence of days leading up until that day over and over in my head.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

My mom is my best friend too so I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. 
I think it takes time to get over a loss this big. Just give yourself time. Maybe you could attend a grief support group?


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Well, I've only ever lost my grandmother. Although I loved her it wasn't unexpected (she was old) so the blow wasn't so bad.

I think, though that a loss like this is something that doesn't completely get better. You can really only ever learn to live with it. Like learning to live without a leg or something. You're probably always gonna miss your leg.


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

It must be incredibly hard dealing with the loss of a parent. I can only imagine the emotional trauma! I lost a close family member last year (suicide) and went through all the grieving stages- initial shock, anger/regret, acceptance. It's hard to comprehend that they're not around anymore, sometimes I feel I'll go home and see him there or I'll call and he'll answer but nope..he's gone. I get overwhelmingly sad and depressed every time I think of him. It's taught me to appreciate and love my family, time is too fu.cking short.


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## Alduriam (Jun 30, 2011)

Please accept my sinceres condoleances for your loss. With time hopefully you will find peace again.


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## loquaciousintrovert (May 23, 2011)

royal said:


> I'm sorry. I haven't lost a parent before but *I do understand how hard it must be for you.*


No you don't.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

I have lost my mother last year in May, so I kinda understand what you are going through, I cried alot when I found out she was on her deathbed in a coma, she died a few hours after I visited her, but somehow after she died I managed to block all my sorrow and suffering, maybe because I felt others needed me more now. So since then I am over it, and don't you think I didn't care about my mom, I loved her alot, she was my best friend although I came to appreciate that right after she died.


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## RetroDoll (Jun 25, 2011)

OP,

my mom just died a few weeks ago. why don't u join one of those support/bereavement groups. i dont do it b/c i don't want to but u can join one. they have those types of things u know.


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## reggiehenry (Sep 17, 2011)

There are many serious problems occurs and very difficult to come out through. Health care speakers plays role for those who are mentally disturbed or those are moving under depression. They motivate them with their thoughts and with their friendly behavior they treat them as a friend not a patient.

health care speakers


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i am so sorry to the OP and everyone else in the thread who has lost someone close.

my best advice is to deal with it, head on.
find someone to talk to (professional or otherwise)
read and understand the grief process
do not deny others' offers for help
understand that you will never fully "get over" your mom's death, but that it can get easier.

i say this because my dad died 13 years ago and i did NOT deal with it. i brushed it off and pretended like it was no big deal. years later, it came back to haunt me. i still havent really talked about it with anyone, but i think my current therapist is someone i trust and will probably talk about it w/him eventually.


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## ForeverYoung21 (Oct 11, 2011)

I lost my mum 3 years ago almost 4 ...where has that time gone and it's her birthday today . Yeah I still miss her like everyday and I feel worst sometimes because we weren't always on speaking terms and sometimes I feel guilty. But, a couple of nights before she died we got a long well and that gives me comfort. I try to think about the good times as opposed to the bad. I still find my self burst into tears when I think about her but its all part of the grieving process. I understand how you feel. You just have to live everyday as it comes.


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## dave76 (Jan 4, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear about your mother refined rascal. I lost my mum 11 years ago when I was 9 and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her, I've actually got tears streaming down my face as I write this. I wasn't fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with my mum, but you've just got to remember the good and happy memories and how you get over it? I dont think you ever do, but I agree with stewbert, it is something you learn to live with.


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