# Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationship?



## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Its something I need to ask myself and I'd like to read other peoples insight on whats stopping them so i can maybe gain better understanding of my own fears...

I think i'm afraid of the pressure of what do i have to do next, before i even start theres this deep fear that I don't know what to do with this person, i'll ask them out...if she says no its almost like less anxiety because now i don't have to worry about doing all this "stuff" hehe but if she were to say yes...omg what am i going to do now and that feeling of what do i do now makes me uncomfortable, i feel or i believe i'll act differently, actually I KNOW i'll act differently if there's this pressure to have to be more than I am

So why the need to feel like I need to do all this stuff, Its like i'm making it out to be a job, a life long commitment, other people seem to have no problem going from relationship to relationship because they enjoy meeting new people and getting to know someone else...I'd like to feel this way, not turn into a man **** or anything like that lol but have no fear in getting to know people and be part of their lives and connect.

Maybe its this pressure of having to be something more than I am or I don't feel i'll be GOOD ENOUGH for this person. Maybe its stemming from the comparisons I make with other people in their own relationships, I have little experience with it I don't know how to go from one point to the next and that scares me, it intimidates me, its something new, its probably the scariest thing i feel right now compared to jumping out of a plane, i think i'd rather jump out of a plane than ask someone out...lol

I think i also fear what my family would think, the guy who doesn't go out much suddenly has a girlfriend...what would they think, why do i care so much about what they think? everyone has been in a relationship of some sort...

When I think of asking a girl out, right in the center of me a bunch of past experiences, knowledge and emotion flood my head and I can feel anxiety right in my gut...I'm still in my room and yet I feel this.

What am I failing to see or ask myself?


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

With me its that I'm extremely picky (not with superficial stuff tho) and also that the few I seem to actually consider dateworthy end up always providing their not, usually by rejecting me for some superficial reason. I'm sure if I met someone worthy who lived close enough to me then I would be in a relationship, however it hasn't happened yet, guess theres just no one compatible with me.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

LoneLioness said:


> With me its that I'm extremely picky (not with superficial stuff tho) and also that the few I seem to actually consider dateworthy end up always providing their not, usually by rejecting me for some superficial reason. I'm sure if I met someone worthy who lived close enough to me then I would be in a relationship, however it hasn't happened yet, guess theres just no one compatible with me.


like how have they rejected you?


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## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Mostly because I suck.

But also, I think one big thing is that if I got into a relationship, I know my inexperience would be painfully obvious, and I rarely feel up to going through the whole "you've never done [whatever]?! you're weird!" thing. Of course, that just gets worse as time goes by... so that's great.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



person86 said:


> Mostly because I suck.
> 
> But also, I think one big thing is that if I got into a relationship, I know my inexperience would be painfully obvious, and I rarely feel up to going through the whole "you've never done [whatever]?! you're weird!" thing. Of course, that just gets worse as time goes by... so that's great.


i feel that also

we can't ever learn tho if we keep thinking like that...

it scares me to get into a relationship and the other person would think that but we'll always be at that point of never done what if we don't try to do it...or i don't know....aghhhh


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## loner2389 (Oct 28, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I have no girls i know so i'd have to just go up and approach someone.

There is this girl who i am 100% sure is checking me out. I always make eye contact with her, getting beter at not looking away now, and she's turned around to look at me after i walk by a few times. For some reason though i can't go and talk to her.

Part of it is she's in 9th grade and im in 11th and it will be wierd when i say i've never had a gf, and i'm sure a girl like her has had a bf before. Another reason is i don't know how fast or slow to go, i dont want people i know to bug me about it, and anxiety is another reason.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

The fact that most guys are A-Holes is what's stopping me...and it's not easy to find someone I'm actually interested in.
I'm recently dating a guy who was in an 8 year relationship. I know he's not looking for anything serious now and rightfully so. It's fun hanging out with him, but I'm not expecting anything. It's just another reason why I can't have a relationship...


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Strange Religion said:


> The fact that most guys i meet or are attracted to are A-Holes is what's stopping me...


Fixed it.

Myself: Having to go through the meet her friends and parents thing and wonder what she will think of my anxiety and agoraphobia. Inexperience, i can't say i know how a relationship works, how often to meet, call etc.... Also i don't know any girls so to get to that point i will have to approach a stranger.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

because, for a serious relationship, im picky. there are certain things i look for. things in regard to both the present and the future. most girls around my age just dont have them. but if its an unserious relationship, it doesnt mater as much...which is why ive only had those and no serious ones. 

plus, i feel like i have to be perfect in every way before i can alow myself to have a serious one.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

myself. i feel that right now, im not mentally and physically well enough to be in a relationship.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Being in a relationship seems like a lot of work. Dating is forced and pure torture for me. In my experience, men are on a mission to just go to bed with you. Women play too many games, it will make your head spin, you never know where you really stand with them.

When I have a crush on someone special, i'm afraid of taking it to the next level so I act like a moron. All that stuff just turns me off to it.

BUT...if I would happen to meet someone, connect, have everything flow naturally, I wouldn't fight it. They would have to understand my limitations right now with my SA...


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Nobody worth having lives near me. :stu 
I've never really been interested in anybody who lives in this town, and none of them have really ever been interested in me either. I have nothing in common with anyone here.
And I'd just end up getting dumped for some **** anyway. :fall


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

*Re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*



Halcyon said:


> Its something I need to ask myself and I'd like to read other peoples insight on whats stopping them so i can maybe gain better understanding of my own fears...
> 
> I think i'm afraid of the pressure of what do i have to do next, before i even start theres this deep fear that I don't know what to do with this person, i'll ask them out...if she says no its almost like less anxiety because now i don't have to worry about doing all this "stuff" hehe but if she were to say yes...omg what am i going to do now and that feeling of what do i do now makes me uncomfortable, i feel or i believe i'll act differently, actually I KNOW i'll act differently if there's this pressure to have to be more than I am


before i got my gf, i was worried about this same stuff and didn't try to get one.

Then all of the suden i deicded to try after wanting to try for quite a while I stopped getting worried about all that how to act stuff and just met a girl and went out with her and ****.

didn't do anything the way normal couples do it. we slept in the same bed several times before we even had sex, which we even laugh about.

Leading up to before that, the dating and stuff, seemed so natural to, it was easy.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

What's stopping me? So many things are stopping me. Perhaps the main thing is that I don't feel that I'm someone who is worthy of having a girl give up her time to spend it with me. I feel she could be going out with someone who is better looking, has a better job, is more socially graceful, etc. I know I'm a nice person and would treat a girl with respect but sometimes that isn't enough.

Another thing stopping me is that I've made a personal vow never to move in with anyone, never to get married and never to have kids. I could never do any of these things because I'm too enclosed into myself and at 30 am too set in my ways to let anyone else truly in for a long period of time. Plus, I believe that marriage and kids are one of the main causes of unhappiness in this world and I don't want to be a contributer to that or be any less happy than I already am. I know those things are important to a lot of women and I know there would come a time in a relationship when I would get antsy and want to get out, no matter how much fun we were having. So why would a woman want to spend time with me if it has no future to it?

I believe the only girl I could be with would be someone who understands my "tics" and is able to accept them. How to find her? I haven't the faintest.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



zengirl said:


> Being in a relationship seems like a lot of work. Dating is forced and pure torture for me. In my experience, men are on a mission to just go to bed with you. Women play too many games, it will make your head spin, you never know where you really stand with them.
> 
> When I have a crush on someone special, i'm afraid of taking it to the next level so I act like a moron. All that stuff just turns me off to it.
> 
> BUT...if I would happen to meet someone, connect, have everything flow naturally, I wouldn't fight it. They would have to understand my limitations right now with my SA...


yeah...thats such a huge part of it as well...i'm a bit awkward in many social situations and going to places or doing things that "Normal" people or everyone else does would be difficult for me, i'd be fearful to be in those situations so if I were to get into relationship my partner/gf would have to understand or at least put up with my weird little quirks...and the fact i change or act differently when i'm scared in those situations, things definitely don't flow when i'm uncomfortable...

And theres the point of explaining your social anxiety which actually I think I could do but ahhhhh i see all those TV shows and I think i've been influenced by them, i think doing something small or if she might see some flaw in me...my insecurities, so many.

The sex part isn't even an issue with me right now lol...i'd just like to get involved in a relationship to meet someone, grow and learn from it and experience it all...does thinking about relationships like i am make it strange? like i see it as an experiment?

what i do know and have experienced is when i get to talk to someone who understands me and can relate to me its amazing...it feels really good.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



IcedOver said:


> I believe the only girl I could be with would be someone who understands my "tics" and is able to accept them. How to find her? I haven't the faintest.


I believe theres many people out there like this but the hard part is we have to be willing to show ourselves and put ourselves out there to find them...which is freakin scary to begin with


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Nobody worth having lives near me. :stu
> I've never really been interested in anybody who lives in this town, and none of them have really ever been interested in me either. I have nothing in common with anyone here.
> And I'd just end up getting dumped for some **** anyway. :fall


hehe you think so negatively...i'm laughing because i used to think the same way

Maybe your standards are unrealistic?

What would be the "perfect" person for you?


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Strange Religion said:


> The fact that most guys are A-Holes is what's stopping me...and it's not easy to find someone I'm actually interested in.
> I'm recently dating a guy who was in an 8 year relationship. I know he's not looking for anything serious now and rightfully so. It's fun hanging out with him, but I'm not expecting anything. It's just another reason why I can't have a relationship...


mind if i ask how that got started?

Like did the guy approach you? Or just how did it all start

maybe you can give me a play by play lol.....seriously i think i do need one just to see what happens

but then gahhhh i might end up copying and it might not go so natural but still i think i could learn how the steps were taken to get to that point.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Gumaro said:


> myself. i feel that right now, im not mentally and physically well enough to be in a relationship.


i wonder that myself sometimes...i know for a fact that others are in pretty bad shape but they are out there working their mojo and dating because they seem so used to it, they've experienced it a few times so it is almost like a skill...

just like my talking with people, i'm slowly picking the skill back up the more i use it

i think most of us on these forums have a better understanding of ourselves and other people than we'd like to believe its just something there is stopping us, the fear, something...


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## David1976 (Nov 8, 2003)

For me right now it is probably similar to what someone else said... While I would love a chance for a relationship.. I am still working on "me"... I also don't want to put myself in a position of saying that I will wait till I am better... or have a job, car, own place to live, etc... if I put it off like that it will never happen... if I am in the situation that I find someone with SA in my area and she likes me then I will pursue it because they are few and far between.. until then I will work on me and keep looking...


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Halcyon said:


> hehe you think so negatively...i'm laughing because i used to think the same way
> 
> Maybe your standards are unrealistic?
> 
> What would be the "perfect" person for you?


My standards are not unrealistic, people just suck...well ok maybe they're unrealistic because there are pretty much no decent people out there. But I just want somebody honest who isn't an ******* or a cheater, and who's at least somewhat decent looking and maybe has stuff in common with me.
Negative is the only way to be though, unless you're either extremely lucky, or unless you want to be disappointed.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Halcyon said:
> 
> 
> > hehe you think so negatively...i'm laughing because i used to think the same way
> ...


You know what I have to say about this post, so I'm not even going to say anything.


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## Kardax (Dec 29, 2004)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I lack the "x-factor".

Why would anyone want to date a guy without that "special something"?

-Ryan


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I can hardly take care of myself let alone someone else. I dated a couple of times and both times they thought I was a total loser. So I don't even bother anymore. Being 36 most people my age have two kids and have been divorce at least once. I don't want to get involve with anyone like that. I have enough of my own problems to deal with.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I said "tics" above but another poster mentioned a better term -- "quirks". Of course a "normal" person (whatever that means to you) has quirks but a lot of us who are very shy/socially maladroit probably have a lot more quirks than most. I would need to find someone who understand my "quirks". Perhaps that someone is another person in the same or similar condition as me -- someone who generally likes to be alone but would like to branch out socially to a certain extent.

Another person mentioned working on themselves before they can work on a relationship. I'm feeling that way right now. I spent my entire teens and twenties not caring about being in a relationship (because I knew no one would ever want to go out with me) but at 30 I'm starting to feel that it is important. But before I could ever go out with someone I would have to do a lot of work on myself, both in my attitude and in the way I present myself. I have to like myself before I could ever conceive of someone else liking me. Recently I pretty much threw away a friendship and possible relationship (who knows?) with a girl my age, in my city, whom I met on a depression board. She asked on the phone to meet me and I said that I wouldn't be a good friend right now. I was telling the truth but it was hard-headed and probably turned her off.

I'm wondering if anyone else on here has the same feeling as me -- that they don't ever want to get married or have kids or move in but do want to be in a relationship, perhaps a casual relationship. Is that even possible for two people to do?


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm ugly, so who am I going to date? The blind is out of the question, because one gentle touch of my face would send even the most open minded blind person running across 4 lanes of oncoming traffic. I'm too paranoid to even give anyone a chance; I just assume they wouldn't like me, because I don't even like me.


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

Yeah but there's a LIMIT!!! Oh god it's like touching the outside of a _house_!!!

But like, doesn't everyone who's seen your picture say that you are attractive and didn't that celebrity recognition thing bring up a plethora of famously beautiful women with really high percentages for all of them?

Me, I can't exclusively get along with a person for that long and they certainly couldn't stand my company, and I lack the maturity to actually maintain something like that. The whole idea of a serious relationship is a total abstraction.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Because even though I've tried to put myself out there in the past, nice guys finish last and I always get hurt and rejected in the end.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*

My lack of experience. It's embarrassing. I'd rather not date than have someone think something's wrong with me because I'm 23 and never dated. I don't think I'm way too ugly, weird, or unworthy or my social skills too awful.



Kardax said:


> I lack the "x-factor".
> 
> Why would anyone want to date a guy without that "special something"?
> 
> -Ryan


It's dating, not American Idol. The dullest people in the world get dates.



zengirl said:


> Being in a relationship seems like a lot of work. Dating is forced and pure torture for me. In my experience, men are on a mission to just go to bed with you. Women play too many games, it will make your head spin, you never know where you really stand with them.
> 
> When I have a crush on someone special, i'm afraid of taking it to the next level so I act like a moron. All that stuff just turns me off to it.


 :agree


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## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

Because I can never stay happy for more than a few days. I doubt a girl will be able to deal with that when I can't even deal with it myself.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't know..I'm dysfunctional.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> Nobody worth having lives near me. :stu
> I've never really been interested in anybody who lives in this town, and none of them have really ever been interested in me either. I have nothing in common with anyone here.
> And I'd just end up getting dumped for some **** anyway. :fall


You sound like me two years ago, heh.

Well, what's stopping me for two reasons which are:
1. I'm really picky.
2. I have trouble approaching guys and most of the guys don't approach me.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Halcyon said:


> LoneLioness said:
> 
> 
> > With me its that I'm extremely picky (not with superficial stuff tho) and also that the few I seem to actually consider dateworthy end up always providing their not, usually by rejecting me for some superficial reason. I'm sure if I met someone worthy who lived close enough to me then I would be in a relationship, however it hasn't happened yet, guess theres just no one compatible with me.
> ...


They usually stop talking to me out of the blue. Or in some cases they tell me I'm not their type. It pisses me off because I know if someone would only give me a chance I'd make the perfect gf. Just no guys seem to agree. I guess looks, ****tiness, and future ambitions are just more imporant to them then having common interests and personality and honesty and things like that.


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

A number of reasons.

1) I'm fickle. And bisexual. My love-life usually involves having to choose between a guy and girl. And I frequently second-guess/regret my choices.

2) I hurt people. I usually think I want someone, I can pine after them for months and then they show interest and BAM! Attraction is gone. Once I can have them I don't want them anymore.

3) I'm too insecure. I know myself well enough to know that everything is great until we're in a room with someone I see as threat- a woman I deem to be smarter/nicer/prettier/better than me. No matter how much I try to ignore it I can't shake that feeling, and I refuse to be the needy chick constantly seeking reassurance. Blech.

4) I get sick of people very quickly. I'm not a person who can just "hang" for hours on end. Even with my closest friends I reach a limit and have to go off on my own. I'm a loner, used to be through anxiety and now it's by choice. Most partners would want more time than I am willing to give.

So guess I'll work on myself some more. Hopefully one day I'll get over my neuroses enough to enjoy dating. :roll


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



pyramidsong said:


> 2) I hurt people. I usually think I want someone, I can pine after them for months and then they show interest and BAM! Attraction is gone. Once I can have them I don't want them anymore.


why is that? Is it because you know you know you got someone and now its too easy?


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I have no idea why. If I did, I'd fix it. :stu


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



emptybottle said:


> My lack of experience. It's embarrassing. I'd rather not date than have someone think something's wrong with me because I'm 23 and never dated.


Yes, that is me as well, except I've turned the corner into being 30 and it's even more embarrassing for me to say I'm 30 and have never dated. If I ever do date I know I have to admit my inexperience because I would want her to know me. If she wasn't fine with it then that would be a clear sign that we shouldn't be a couple.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Carbon Breather said:


> [quote="Strange Religion":794c6]The fact that most guys i meet or are attracted to are A-Holes is what's stopping me...


Fixed it.
[/quote:794c6]

I didn't need to be corrected, but thanks anyway.
Like I said, most guys are A-Holes so naturally that's what I'm going to run into the majority of the time. Once I find out he's an ***, it's over.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



chic_canadian_gurl said:


> A few basic things...
> 
> 1. I'm very unattractive, which is one of the main factors for getting a guy interested.
> 
> ...


seems like both sexes here are saying the same thing

I would prefer someone with little social skills and experience because I'm in the same boat, its a growing/learning experience for both people involved in the relationship

i think i don't have a nice personality either but people seem to tell me differently, i don't know what it is i just don't feel i'm good enough sometimes and that also seems to be a general theme on these boards


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



pyramidsong said:


> 3) I'm too insecure. I know myself well enough to know that everything is great until we're in a room with someone I see as threat- a woman I deem to be smarter/nicer/prettier/better than me. No matter how much I try to ignore it I can't shake that feeling, and I refuse to be the needy chick constantly seeking reassurance. Blech.


I'm trying to work on that, I hate feeling threatened by other women. This photographer I'm seeing was describing different pictures he's going to take and these women are beautiful. I've seen a few of 'em he was talking about because they're on his myspace profile. He says he's completely professional and girls like working with him because he's not pervy like other photographers. It still makes me jealous and he's not even my boyfriend or anything. I just like him. From now on I'm going to play the nonchalant role...as hard as that will be. I can't help the way I feel, I've always been the jealous type, but I can try to control it.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Strange Religion said:


> [quote="Carbon Breather":8b2de][quote="Strange Religion":8b2de]The fact that most guys i meet or are attracted to are A-Holes is what's stopping me...


Fixed it.
[/quote:8b2de]

I didn't need to be corrected, but thanks anyway.
Like I said, most guys are A-Holes so naturally that's what I'm going to run into the majority of the time. Once I find out he's an ***, it's over.[/quote:8b2de]

The point was that there are many nice guys but most of them are single becuase girls have a tendency to fall for players. They are not hard to spot but many girls seem to be totally blinded by their charm.....


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I'm single because even the thought of approaching a female gives me a nauseous feeling in my stomach.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Well, now I guess I can say because I don't really have friends/people I hang out with anymore. Even then, that didn't help. Wasn't into any of the girls that I would be surrounded by. After that, I am different altogether.

My friend Megan said she will find me a g/f if I move in with her out in CA. Ya never know.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I isolate myself.


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## Null (Nov 6, 2003)

Nobody wants me.


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



person86 said:


> Mostly because I suck.
> 
> But also, I think one big thing is that if I got into a relationship, I know my inexperience would be painfully obvious, and I rarely feel up to going through the whole "you've never done [whatever]?! you're weird!" thing. Of course, that just gets worse as time goes by... so that's great.


:ditto...


pyramidsong said:


> 4) I get sick of people very quickly. I'm not a person who can just "hang" for hours on end. Even with my closest friends I reach a limit and have to go off on my own. I'm a loner, used to be through anxiety and now it's by choice. Most partners would want more time than I am willing to give.


...and :ditto


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*




Carbon Breather said:


> [quote="Strange Religion":5b061][quote="Carbon Breather":5b061][quote="Strange Religion":5b061]The fact that most guys i meet or are attracted to are A-Holes is what's stopping me...


Fixed it.
[/quote:5b061]

I didn't need to be corrected, but thanks anyway.
Like I said, most guys are A-Holes so naturally that's what I'm going to run into the majority of the time. Once I find out he's an ***, it's over.[/quote:5b061]

The point was that there are many nice guys but most of them are single becuase girls have a tendency to fall for players. They are not hard to spot but many girls seem to be totally blinded by their charm.....[/quote:5b061]

If there are many nice guys, I haven't encountered them unfortunately.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Strange Religion said:


> [quote="Carbon Breather":f3a71][quote="Strange Religion":f3a71][quote="Carbon Breather":f3a71][quote="Strange Religion":f3a71]The fact that most guys i meet or are attracted to are A-Holes is what's stopping me...


Fixed it.
[/quote:f3a71]

I didn't need to be corrected, but thanks anyway.
Like I said, most guys are A-Holes so naturally that's what I'm going to run into the majority of the time. Once I find out he's an ***, it's over.[/quote:f3a71]

The point was that there are many nice guys but most of them are single becuase girls have a tendency to fall for players. They are not hard to spot but many girls seem to be totally blinded by their charm.....[/quote:f3a71]

If there are many nice guys, I haven't encountered them unfortunately.[/quote:f3a71]

i'd like to think i'm nice guy - however i don't put myself out there for people to get to know me thus resulting in me not being in a relationship with anyone...doh


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Well I think in my case there is the pressure... the stress and anxiety of initiating a personal relationship with a girl.
Nowadays I feel like I shouldn't except to ever find anyone who can accept me for who I am. I'm far too ... different in my life views and personal philosophies from the vast majority of people my age. It almost not even an issue of the anxiety anymore for me.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I think for me, its time. I'm really selfish with my time in that I want as much time to myself as possible (i've been a loner all my life - however I actually like being a lone, its enjoyable for me to just chill in my room by myself).

I would love to have a girlfriend, and do the things a boyfriend should do, but at this point in my life, i'm just not ready to put forth the time needed for that.

In the unlikely...event.. that I was in a relationship right now, i'd be dreading "Sigh, OK, well I met that girl 3 days ago, ah crap, whats next, I guess we'll go to the movies...I dont feel like it [loner emotions filling in], i'd rather chill at home, BUT, OK, i'll go...gasp". Thats the way it is for me.

I've never had a girlfriend, so maybe i'd have a blast, I dont know. However, I dont go to movies, or out with friends, nothing. I just really have no interest.

Right now my focus is on my career, making money, and setting a path for myself. I'm only 20, and when all of that is well on its way in the next few years, and i'm established, making money, on a career path, and have my own place all to myself - Maybe then, i'll look for love.

Like I said, would love to have a girlfriend right now, or one to love. I just dont want the time commitment that comes with that.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. It's best anyway that you focus on your career now. You'll have more going for yourself and girls will definitely be attracted to that.


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## aboveandbelow (Jan 16, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

What's stopping me is the needy nature of women. If I can't have my hobbies, interests and my friends that I hang out with by myself on the side, then I'm probably not going to be happy. This is why my future girlfriend needs to have her own thing going on, even if it's just wanting her own alone time.

Til then I wouldn't mind a friends with benefits, but girls usually are never satisfied with that, at least with me. They always want the relationship which sucks all my own personal life away while everything revolves around her.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Relationships seem to require common interests. How the hell am I supposed to pull that off? Measure me on almost any dimention and I will score at the extreme top or extreme bottom. I'm so far from average that I simply do meet the expectations that most women have.

Not many women get excited about a guy with no job and no desire nor ability to get one.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



chic_canadian_gurl said:


> A few basic things...
> 
> 1. I'm very unattractive, which is one of the main factors for getting a guy interested.
> 
> ...


Having little experience wouldn't be a negative for me. In fact, it might be better.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



chic_canadian_gurl said:


> srschirm said:
> 
> 
> > [quote="chic_canadian_gurl":9f396]A few basic things...
> ...


That might not be a huge turn off, but the rest of the stuff is. No other reason I'd still be single. Oh well, just wasn't meant to be.[/quote:9f396]

I remember back in highschool as a young teenager i was very superficial and all about appearance - Right now I'm more about if the other person can understand me, how they are, our true selves etc...i think there needs to be some physical attraction, it doesn't have to be overwhelming in your face but right now I see so many physical attractive qualities in everyone, the quiet girl that sits in the corner with glasses and talks to no one, that cute girl with the toque, i don't think theres one physically unattractive person in my classrooms, the older people are also quite attractive...everyone has something, everyone...

Everyone is beautiful in their own way (I know that sounds so corny but its true if your outlook is like that) and the ones who are considered VERY beautiful are usually putting so much effort into looking that way - like working out constantly, buying clothes to look good and a good majority of time goes into looking good for them, its why they look that way and i believe anyone can pull that off if you spend that much time on something...even the male/female models are overly done by professional makeup artists before they get pictures done and get out there...

...maybe our belief or image of ourselves is a little distorted in how things really are.

our perception of whats beautiful is a bit off because we're told what is and what isn't, see for yourself what is, not through someone elses eyes but your own.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

obviously sa. But holding out for an e-girl, just working on how to meet her in person. It would be unfair to seek someone when I have feelings for someone; wouldn't be able to commit.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Extreme shyness of attractive women. Plus my social anxiety of going out, and revealing I am still a virginal-live-at-home-loner-at-age-32. Plus self-esteem issues. I know I will die a virgin. Hope I am dead before I hit 35.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Pinzelhead said:


> Extreme shyness of attractive women. Plus my social anxiety of going out, and revealing I am still a virginal-live-at-home-loner-at-age-32. Plus self-esteem issues. I know I will die a virgin. Hope I am dead before I hit 35.


lol in every one of your posts i see you talking about being a virgin

why is it such a big deal???

I am too, its only a big deal to me because i think others might see it as weird or different...

How do you see it? YOU, not how others see it, but you?

I"m okay with being a virgin, when the time comes it'll come...or at least thats what i like to keep telling myself lol


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Being a virgin is one of the main reasons why I am so uncomfortable in casual social interaction. I know it is. Thats why I must tell everyone this fact (on the internet though) I get all sweaty an feel so awkward when people talk about their sexual encounters. I do not feel comfortable nor happy about still being so.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



Pinzelhead said:


> Being a virgin is one of the main reasons why I am so uncomfortable in casual social interaction. I know it is. Thats why I must tell everyone this fact (on the internet though) I get all sweaty an feel so awkward when people talk about their sexual encounters. I do not feel comfortable nor happy about still being so.


when someone talks about it in a social situation i find it helps to just listen to them, I've had on the back of my mind when someone talks about sex that I'll have to respond with my own ideas of the subject, not being a good lier and not really liking to lie i just tell them the truth or joke about it...like if someone were to say So any sexual encounters of your own...i know cheesy line, doubt someone would say that i'd reply back usually with a sarcastic voice...sexual encounters, yeahhhhh i wish...which is the truth i wish lol but i'm not so down on myself or being negative towards myself on it...there's a difference i would have usually been very insecure about myself and said...no not me and maybe i still will be if a different question is formulated towards me i'd rather be upfront however, when i try to lie or try to impress or try to overthink what to say to get the other person to like me i only make it worse and sweat etc


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



aboveandbelow said:


> What's stopping me is the needy nature of women. If I can't have my hobbies, interests and my friends that I hang out with by myself on the side, then I'm probably not going to be happy. This is why my future girlfriend needs to have her own thing going on, even if it's just wanting her own alone time.
> 
> Til then I wouldn't mind a friends with benefits, but girls usually are never satisfied with that, at least with me. They always want the relationship which sucks all my own personal life away while everything revolves around her.


Yes, that is another thing with me. I would prefer to be in a relationship that is more casual and where we both have our own lives and meet up perhaps on the weekend, perhaps every other weekend or an occasional week night to do stuff. Maybe you would call that "friends with benefits" as you said. I don't know if that can work in reality because my knowledge of dating comes mostly from "Seinfeld"! They did an episode where Jerry and Elaine go back to sleeping with each other but want to try and keep a friendship; of course it goes wrong.


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## Bedhead (Mar 17, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I cant cant cant be in a relationship.
I hate being touched in that way. (held, looked in the eye, handholding)
I cant look them in the eyes, and its just akward. 
I have NO selfconfidence whatsoever. 
And everyguy I've kinda liked turned out to be psycho's.

And it sucks becuase I REALLY want to adopt kids and have a husband and have a family. But I dont see this happening because I cant be around guys that way. 
Plus Im an extremely boring person. I like to be alone and have my own thing going on. I cant have someone that needs to be around me all the time. But yet...lol I CANT explain this. Im jealous of all you guys who can get your thoughts and opinions written down!
Allright. Well I just CANT be in a relationship. And I am probably going to spend the rest of my life alone.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



aboveandbelow said:


> What's stopping me is the needy nature of women. If I can't have my hobbies, interests and my friends that I hang out with by myself on the side, then I'm probably not going to be happy. This is why my future girlfriend needs to have her own thing going on, even if it's just wanting her own alone time.


That must be some kind of myth. I've never met a couple that didn't have their own interests and didn't spend time on their own doing stuff with friends etc.....


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Yeah and I'm sure there are certain women who are very needy and won't let a guy have any space. Not all women are like that though.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I have a question and I didn't want to start a new topic for it. I've never dated and may be unversed about the lingo people use in dating.

When a girl asks a guy if he wants to get together and "hang out", is that asking him on a date or could it just be as friends? Anyone know?


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Don't really focus on whether it's a date or not, don't put that pressure on yourself. Just hang out and see what happens. At least she's showing interest.


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



IcedOver said:


> I have a question and I didn't want to start a new topic for it. I've never dated and may be unversed about the lingo people use in dating.
> 
> When a girl asks a guy if he wants to get together and "hang out", is that asking him on a date or could it just be as friends? Anyone know?


It could mean one of two things:

1. She's just inviting you as a friend to do something. Would it just be the two of you, or would this be some kind of group activity?

2. She wants to shag your brains out, and then some.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

Because every woman I've ever been interested in has no interest in me. :sigh I'm always just a friend.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Perrap said:


> I'm almost always so nervous and anxious around guys. And I'm really good at pushing them away, even if I don't intentionally mean to. I haven't met any guys who like the shy, awkward types. :|


I DO I DO

but yeah that pushing away is something i do as well so if i were ever run into someone like you we'd both push each other away and nothing would happen lol

ahhhhh i wish i could just be more honest with how i feel, its tough saying straight up i really like you etc etc because theres risk involved and possibility of not getting the same back which...hurts


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## aboveandbelow (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*

I think certain types of girls have always gravitated towards me, it's definitely not a myth. The handful of girls I've dated have all been incredibly clingy, had no hobbies of their own and suffocated me. My last ex didn't drive but was a busy-body who couldn't sit around. I felt like a glorified chauffer. And she didn't want me hanging out with my friends unless she was there too. Next time I'll be smarter and I'll see the warning signs earlier on 



Carbon Breather said:


> aboveandbelow said:
> 
> 
> > What's stopping me is the needy nature of women. If I can't have my hobbies, interests and my friends that I hang out with by myself on the side, then I'm probably not going to be happy. This is why my future girlfriend needs to have her own thing going on, even if it's just wanting her own alone time.
> ...


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*



aboveandbelow said:


> I think certain types of girls have always gravitated towards me, it's definitely not a myth. The handful of girls I've dated have all been incredibly clingy, had no hobbies of their own and suffocated me. My last ex didn't drive but was a busy-body who couldn't sit around. I felt like a glorified chauffer. And she didn't want me hanging out with my friends unless she was there too. Next time I'll be smarter and I'll see the warning signs earlier on


Well, from the clingy women I've known, the early warning sign that your girl's needy is wanting to be in contact with you all the friggin' time... constant phone calls and like a dozen voicemails ("Hiiii, just checking in again..") and emails a day. This stuff starts pretty early on. Must be annoying.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



emptybottle said:


> aboveandbelow said:
> 
> 
> > I think certain types of girls have always gravitated towards me, it's definitely not a myth. The handful of girls I've dated have all been incredibly clingy, had no hobbies of their own and suffocated me. My last ex didn't drive but was a busy-body who couldn't sit around. I felt like a glorified chauffer. And she didn't want me hanging out with my friends unless she was there too. Next time I'll be smarter and I'll see the warning signs earlier on
> ...


I'm like that. Just wish I could find a clingy guy so then I could be happy. I find it annoying when they don't want to spend most their time with me, I really think you should want to spend most of your free time with your significant other.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



LoneLioness said:


> emptybottle said:
> 
> 
> > aboveandbelow said:
> ...


I agree about spending most of your free time with your significant other. I don't think I'd exactly want a clingy guy, but at least a guy who's really into me.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



no_name said:


> fear of getting hurt and then attempting suicide because that kind of hurt hurts _a lot_.


It does hurt a lot. I've seen a guy a couple of times and I've had a lot of fun with him. I haven't heard from him since the weekend and it hurts like a mutha'. I was so down this morning, I took 4 mg of Klonopin and passed out. I just needed to drift off and get my mind off of it. Then when I finally woke up, I worked out and that made me feel better. The upside of it is that I see I can't trust him and that he's not that into me so he's not worth being all crazy over. He'll probably call or write one of these days, but in my mind I'm turned off now so I'm going to be real nonchalant. No more kissing or touching me. He doesn't deserve me. At first I really wanted to sleep with him, but his behavior made my mind up. 
Sorry for the rant.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm a crazy pervert. That seems to be a turn off for most people.
I can't imagine why.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I'm a crazy perv too so it wouldn't be a turn off for me. :b

I don't think guys can handle it. They suck.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I'm not the aggressive type like that though. I have a dirty mind.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

What do you mean if you could get that far? I even had a dirty mind as a virgin. lol


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Well, I can't argue with that. hehe


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Heheh, I don't think there's a shortage of men out there who would love a woman who admits to being a perv.... Have you ever been on the Internet?


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Hello ladies, how you doin? :whip :b


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## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I just have not met any women lately.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Haha, apparently I've been coming across the wrong kind of guys. 
I don't know what their problem is. There are different things it could be, but people don't usually come straight out and tell you exactly what's wrong or why they're not interested...


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## phr33k (Mar 14, 2006)

i don't really make any effort to meet or even talk to new people. that is pretty much my problem i guess.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relati*



no_name said:


> [quote="Strange Religion":e8b0c][quote="no_name":e8b0c]fear of getting hurt and then attempting suicide because that kind of hurt hurts _a lot_.


It does hurt a lot. I've seen a guy a couple of times and I've had a lot of fun with him. I haven't heard from him since the weekend and it hurts like a mutha'. I was so down this morning, I took 4 mg of Klonopin and passed out. I just needed to drift off and get my mind off of it. Then when I finally woke up, I worked out and that made me feel better. The upside of it is that I see I can't trust him and that he's not that into me so he's not worth being all crazy over. He'll probably call or write one of these days, but in my mind I'm turned off now so I'm going to be real nonchalant. No more kissing or touching me. He doesn't deserve me. At first I really wanted to sleep with him, but his behavior made my mind up. 
Sorry for the rant.[/quote:e8b0c]

Ranting is good.  Maybe if he does contact you you could ask him what he did in those days that he didn't? Do you think he may be scared of approaching you or calling you?[/quote:e8b0c]

My first instinct was to play the "waiting game" where I wait for him to call or write, but instead I wrote him and told him he's an *******. He called me and said he's been depressed lately and hasn't felt like talking to anyone. I understand that, but I told him not to shut me out and to think about how it made me feel when I didn't hear from him days after we went out. He apologized, but I'm just going to play it cool and see what happens as time passes. I'm not even looking for anything serious from him, but regardless, I want to be treated right.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

I don't think I'll ever get into a relationship because I don't really know what that is.
I mean I could ask a girl out (that itself would require an huge amount of courage) and if, hypotetically, she would agree then I wouldn't know what to do next.
I'm hopeless... :?


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

I went through the whole thread and it's interesting to see how diverse the responses are. For me it's a few things, the main reason being distrust in other people. I've been disappointed plenty of times and it's difficult to let someone in when you always expect to be hurt. The second reason is self confidence, still working on building enough of it to believe someone will be interested in me while not using me. Oops, there's the distrust again.. :?


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

The reasons that stop me from gettign involved in a relationship are simple.

1.) I'm not confident about myself and therefore I'm not good at being a leader and taking charge of the relationship (i.e. "being the man")
2.) Socially anxious, socially awkward, and bad social skills in general. Being socially anxious scares women away because either the anxiety makes both of us uncomfortable and therefore ends the conversation, or they start thinking that I "like" them due to my anxiety, and thus they get scared away.
3.) I automatically assume that women don't like me, and that any sort of interest in me is due to courtesy or friendliness, thus if someone ever wanted to flirt with me, I wouldn't know.
4.) I don't ask anyone out because I can't picture myself being in a relationship with anyone without being awkward. I mean, what role would I play? How would her friends look at me dating her? How would I keep it going?
5.) I'm attracted to strong women who act mature, so basically the opposite of my own personality. The problem is, these women are always attracted to men even stronger and even more mature than they are.

Is anyone else like me in any of these ways?
If anyone has ideas on how to get rid of these reasons, please give some comments.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

vincebs said:


> Is anyone else like me in any of these ways?
> If anyone has ideas on how to get rid of these reasons, please give some comments.


Yeah, sure. I'm not a social person, a relationship is about being social and spending time together and spending to much time with somone drives me crazy. I don't think you can tell a girl something like: "i've had enough for tonight, bye!"... I also don't like being alone with other people. Maybe i need two girlfriends ehh.... I'm attracted to intelligent outgoing women too (not only that type).

The only advice i can give you is practise being social. Talk to people when you have the chance, men, women, young, old ......


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

One thing that kind of scares me about going on a date is the idea of having to expose my personal quirks. I have a quirk where I will only go to a movie theater by myself. I refuse to go with anyone else because I like to focus solely on the movie and take it all in and not have any distractions whatsoever. Of course moviegoing is a big "date" thing. So if I were to go out with a girl and she would ask to go to a movie, what should I do? Should I suggest something else instead or open up about that bizarre quirk? That's why I would like to go out with someone who is able to understand my quirks.

Also scary is the thought of having to admit my inexperience. What suggestions do any of you have about this? I think it would be good to bring that up at the end of a first date if it looks like you'll get to a second date. Perhaps one could say "You're not going to believe this, but today was actually the first date I've ever had". Has anyone been in this spot and how did you handle it?


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## lubs (Sep 17, 2006)

*re: Whats stopping you from getting involved in a relationsh*

Always feeling awkward and shy, not being able to be myself is what prevents me from developing a relationship. My first boyfriend was extremely patient with me. We met online and chatted a lot before we actually met up. The first 5 times we hung out...I barely said a word. I think anyone else in this situation would've moved on or figured I didn't like them. I'm not sure how I ever became so comfortable with him...now he's the only person I feel like I can totally be myself with. We've had a troubled 2.5 year relationship though and we broke up for good earlier this month. I can't imagine myself being with someone else though...having to go through all that again with someone new...I don't think I can do it.


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