# Less anxious in public because of change of perception



## hopethishelps (May 20, 2010)

I noticed recently out of the blue, I'm less anxious in general in public. Before, I would be so paranoid about eye contact that I would get headaches and sweat just taking the bus. I realized that many times it was MY fault because I have a neutral angry face and an accompanying glare; the more I thought about it, the more I put myself in the other person's shoes and understood how curious they might be about a who just stepped on the bus who looked mad as well.

So I made myself look less angry by occasionally looking in the mirror to "keep my face in check". I also don't look around as much to see if people are looking at me. I noticed many times people stare into space and I now don't assume the worst and instead just think they are staring off into space. I think many times people would look and stare at me because I keep giving them stares or just keep looking over at them. I now try to keep happy and don't assume everyone is a threat.

When I do look around, I try to turn my whole body or move my head to make my head movement more apparent. This was to counteract the tendency I had before to look out of the corner of my eye which would see threatening and sneaky to some.

The result of having a less angry face and of looking around less has made me less paranoid of whether people are looking at me. In fact, in class, there were many people who laughed and made jokes around me and I also had the courage to ask people how they did their project and they gladly spoke to me. Many times people don't talk unless spoken to and especially with SA which gives many people an aloof aura, we just have to take that initial step and talk to people while smiling. We can't expect people to start talking to us and when they don't, make ourselves mad and more unapproachable.

I'm by no means cured and I still have to work on my confidence, posture, more eye contact during conversation, etc, but I'm less anxious to go to a food court for example or sit in a classroom.

Just a few months ago, I would have thought I would be the last one on earth who would improve socially, but after this experience, I think some of us at least just need a more positive outlook in life, not assume the worst in people, and take proactive steps to counteract the behaviour or appearance that SA may give.


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

That sounds like a very sensible set of changes to make- kudos for thinking rationally and seeing a way to improve things and taking that step instead of constantly complaining and wishing things were better as many people (often me included) do.

I sometimes think my face as it generally is set in public may be a bit grim. I find its even worth a check in the mirror of how to have a face fully at rest but with a neutral expression.
I also agree that trying to put oneself in the other people's shoes is a great technique. We always assume that the fault is at our end- but other "normal" people can have rough days, feel low or frustrated etc.


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## WhatWentWrong (Oct 25, 2010)

I agree it does sound sensible. I actually took an opposite approach and tried to make myself look "less" approachable by shaving my head (at one time not now as can be seen from my profile picture) and wearing clothes to make myself look angry since I am terribly conscious of my voice :S


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## Grapefruits (Oct 26, 2010)

I just finally quit looking at people. I do not make eye contact with them. I acknowledge them and move when they walk by, or look at them when they are not looking, but that is only to take inventory of those around me.

Sometimes I can see people looking at me from the corner of my eye, and I ignore them. I do not return the eye contact. I wear glasses, so in a way my glasses are my shield that I sort of hide behind. I need new glasses soon because my eyes have gotten worse, so next time I will get glasses with an even thicker frame so I can hide even more! Yeah!


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## jesum9 (Nov 15, 2011)

Avoidance behavior only sets the cycle to make the social anxiety worse. The plan should be to take the sunglasses off, not get thicker glasses to hide behind.


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## Martinzky (Apr 10, 2012)

Well done mate! Hearing success stories like this always motivates me to keep trying


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## Wilbur (Jun 13, 2012)

I can relate to how you describe your earlier facial expressions. Once I'm tensed up, it becomes, or at least feels really hard, to give an honest smile or laugh to loosen up and get outside of my mind's spiraling thoughts. As a result, people kinda shy away if you're projecting "don't tread on me" kinda face all the time. I used to think, oh, I'm a dude, I'm "supposed" to be tough or whatever when in public, but really it was the anxiety talking and trying to defend itself. 

Props to you.


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## isa uk (Aug 11, 2012)

Im happy for you, good info ill try some of your new ways, I just hope I can fix my problems too...!

I need to sort/change my Body language perceptions aswell... My anxiety/or Autistic problems made me and my emotions go in to a defensive state... 

I dont wanna get close to people now (well, except for people I relate to or trust), because i keep thinking they might not like what they find, or lose interest in me, i hate rejection...

Normal People get close to me then slowly drift away.. i need to find people like me.. My anxiety made my body language in to an aggressive outlook, to stop people staring at me, and to stop people looking down on me.

Id rather be Alone...!


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