# How does CBT work (eye contact)?



## FeelingAlone (Feb 1, 2005)

i have horrible eye contact which is affecting both my professional + social life.

would cbt for eye contact be something like this?
1) go out and make eye contact with someone that doesn't matter.
ie: cashier at store

2) write down date, location, and how you did.

3) if you failed to make eye contact, go back and try to make eye contact w/that person.
ie: make up some excuse to talk to that cashier again


Is this basically the gist?
and I could save my $ from visiting a therapist to administer this?


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## Oh Dae su (Nov 21, 2013)

I've had CBT not for social anxiety related issues but an eating problem. It is the general gist...Gradual exposure until the anxiety is at ease. I can't say my therapist was any good though so I'm sure a good cognitive behavioural therapist will have more to offer.

If you feel you can try expose yourself little by little then I don't see the harm in trying. See if you notice progress.


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

I brought it up as one of many issues in my CBT for SA. Whilst that would be part of your 'homework' to try between sessions, my therapist did an interesting experiment where she asked a number of people anonymously in a survey at the hospital about eye contact in different scenarios. The results were that people don't necessarily think eye contact is as important as I'd thought and it is natural to break off regularly. I'd thought I was failing because I was unable to gaze in their eyes for a whole conversation and that everyone else is amazing at it. It's about breaking down our views of everyone else being perfect at something and us being rubbish at it. Once I'd got it into my head to at least try and keep contact for the first few seconds before breaking it and practicing a lot I overcame it quite well.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

I don't really have an issue with looking people in the eyes it's just that it's not natural for me so i have to remind myself look them in the eye when talking.


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## Pancho35 (Nov 28, 2014)

Bored Alien said:


> I don't really have an issue with looking people in the eyes it's just that it's not natural for me so i have to remind myself look them in the eye when talking.


Keep doing it and don't stop. Everything feels unnatural when you first start doing it. With practice and repetition it will become second nature, like any skill.


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## Choci Loni (May 12, 2011)

Pancho35 said:


> Keep doing it and don't stop. Everything feels unnatural when you first start doing it. With practice and repetition it will become second nature, like any skill.


Exactly my thoughts. It's been an issue for me for most of my life. Even if it feels unnatural and I have to keep it in mind when I'm at my most anxious, most of the time it feels like I'm finally able to do it naturally. It's all about not giving up. Before you know it new "unnatural" behaviours become internalised.


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