# Are there certain things you're too ashamed to talk about?



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Are there certain things you just can't talk to your therapist/counsellor about? Because you're ashamed of them, embarrassed of them, or you feel too much guilt about them. You're scared that they'll judge or criticise you, but the real problem is that you don't even want to acknowledge those things to yourself.

It's tricky because the things you don't feel like you can talk about are probably the things that you most need to.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

My (or lack of a) career.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Sometimes I worry that certain things I struggle with and bother me, are silly. I'm afraid of telling my therapist because I imagine her laughing at me and saying get over it, or her just thinking that the way I view things is ridiculous. There are a lot of things about the way I think that I'm ashamed of and I worry that it will lower my therapists opinion of me. Even though I worry they'll be seen as silly, they're actually some of my biggest problems that hold me back more than anything.

I don't know how long you've been seeing your therapist but I've managed to be more open just by continuing to go. The more things I admit there and see no ridiculing from her the more comfortable I've been admitting more.

Of course there's other things I hold back just because I don't want to be committed, they have to take some things very seriously and I don't want to risk being stuck under 24/7 observation with my shoe laces taken away because I couldn't convince her it was just an idle thought and not a plan.


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## seagarfy (May 6, 2014)

My sexuality, even though my therapist accepts and deals with LGBT clients. There is some part of me that still cannot accept it, even though I've come out to my immediate family. I have a difficult time not feeling gross and worthless about myself =/


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Shameful said:


> Of course there's other things I hold back just because I don't want to be committed, they have to take some things very seriously and I don't want to risk being stuck under 24/7 observation with my shoe laces taken away because I couldn't convince her it was just an idle thought and not a plan.


Wow, things are different in the US. I don't even know how many bits of paperwork, phone calls or face-to-face conversations I've mentioned that sort of thing in. Because I didn't have a date picked out or a method prepared for, I've never been sent away with more than a pat on the head and a helpline number (and when I called that helpline, nobody picked up). I'm still around and intact so obviously they didn't misjudge, but it feels pretty risky and desperate when you're saying something drastic and still being dismissed. That's another thing I think about sometimes, that if things get really bad (and not just my brain teetering on the edge of that 'bad') I don't have anybody I can go to about it.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I'm sure a lot of it is more my fear than reality. They probably won't do anything like that, it's just that knowing they have that power scares me into silence on the whole topic.



lisbeth said:


> and when I called that helpline, nobody picked up


Omg that's horrible. I can't imagine how that must have felt being at such a low point and having no one pick up to help. I'm glad it passed safely.



> That's another thing I think about sometimes, that if things get really bad (and not just my brain teetering on the edge of that 'bad') I don't have anybody I can go to about it.


Are you sure? I mean it's drastic but if you were really on the verge of doing something I'm sure you could call your emergency/ambulance/police number and be hospitalized.

Sorry I ended up dragging the thread onto this topic, I hope it doesn't get locked because of me, I'll stop now.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

I don't have a therapist, but if I was going to therapy, yes. It would take awhile to even get to talking about it. I would absolutely have to go to a female therapist, too.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Shameful said:


> I'm sure a lot of it is more my fear than reality. They probably won't do anything like that, it's just that knowing they have that power scares me into silence on the whole topic.
> 
> Omg that's horrible. I can't imagine how that must have felt being at such a low point and having no one pick up to help. I'm glad it passed safely.


It was honestly one of my worst nights ever, depression-wise. I mean, I've been at that low an ebb a few times and it wasn't the first time it really felt possible something would happen, but previously I'd always thought there'd be somewhere to go about it. But then when you ring the number and nobody picks up, it really hits home like _****, I'm really on my own with this. _No safety net, just the drop. And that's why I live with my parents now lol!

I mean, I guess there's the Samaritans and stuff - I think they always pick up and you always get rerouted to another branch if the line is busy - but I didn't think of that at the time. I think it was a local organisation I was ringing. I don't really remember now. Either way, idk. I don't really have a lot of faith in medical people with this sort of thing.

Bringing it back onto a more relevant topic tho: I actually find it really hard to talk about "big" stuff like this with any professionals, not because I find it awkward to talk about (for some reason I don't) but because they don't really seem open/receptive to it. Like, I am scared to bring up anything that's arguably irrational, because in my experience they just dismiss anything irrational out of hand. And the beliefs at the heart of anxiety/depression/etc all tend to be irrational, so that's a problem. If I believe X and I am utterly _convinced _that X is true, then recognising that another person will claim X is irrational isn't going to dilute my belief in X, it's just going to dissuade me from admitting to it. That's my biggest problem with counsellors/therapists, I think. When I try to bring up something important (to me) like that, I tend to get a softened version of "that's illogical and you're being silly", big smile, problem solved, go back to dissecting irrelevant crap from my barely-remembered early childhood. Maybe this or that belief is illogical, but to me it's huge and feels like truth. All the stuff that's the most difficult to get rid of is the stuff that's illogical, because there's no way to rationalise my way out of it.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

tea111red said:


> I don't have a therapist, but if I was going to therapy, yes. It would take awhile to even get to talking about it. I would absolutely have to go to a female therapist, too.


Oh man, same. I can't even picture talking to a male therapist, even about the less contentious things.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

I'm very scared about bringing up my concerns regarding dating/relationships/loneliness and my insecurities about my unattractiveness. Just anything to do with romantic relationships.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

Yea, there are some things i just keep to myself. I don't have a therapist to tell anyway.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Not as much ashamed as much as just wondering what is the point of talking about things sometimes... More than anything I think I'm just tired of being alone. I'm surrounded by people all the time, but even my friends are really just kind of a level or two below strangers, few people have ever really made it into the deeper levels of knowing or caring who I really am. I'm good at getting through the day and doing things required of me, but there is little real meaning in that stuff. I get pretty much no fulfillment out of life lately and feel like changing that is outside my power. Even getting my Master's degree 2 months ago was more of something I always knew/expected I would do and not really either a surprise, fulfilling, or even rewarding. It just was.


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## BodySurfer1988 (Feb 4, 2009)

My first therapist was a male and he seemed like he did not care much about me and one of my sessions where I opened up he fell asleep on me. So that messed me up for the longest time. 

Now I been to a lady therapist and I feel they are more nurturing. I was nervous to tell her my past that I was ashamed because I felt I might be judged. But then I realized I am in counseling to make myself better and made myself not care what anyone thought about me, and realize my past was my past and I can not change it now.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

I just hate getting too personal in general. It can range from my beliefs, my history of friends (which I've always lacked), things I do for fun, directions that I choose to take with my life, etc. Without sounding arrogant, I tend to have an uncommon viewpoint on certain aspects of life that the average person does not hold..nor have I lived the average lifestyle that many people have when they are young (ie: having friends; hanging out with others, etc).


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

A fair bit . I'm ashamed of a lot of things .


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

I'm ULTRA-secretive, when I've gone to therapists (of WIDELY varying sorts), I give them a watered-down version of myself - without deviating from the truth, however. 

I know they say things like "I've heard it all"....and perhaps I think too much of myself, but I'm pretty sure I would be fairly astonishing, even to those who have heard their fair share of deep dark secrets.

Interestingly, I mentioned shame to one of my therapists who was also trained in a shamanic tradition......he said he thought it wasn't a coincidence that the word "shaman" sounds like "shame".


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

During my therapy days I always steered clear of the relationship side of things and my feelings regarding how I was perceived by females, which in retrospect was silly given it was the root cause of everything.


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## TheHaxanCloak (Jul 26, 2014)

I let my therapist lead all the sessions, so whatever she asks me, I do my best to answer. I don't really blurt out things on my own, or try to give my input about why I think I am socially anxious. If I knew these things, I wouldn't be paying someone to listen to me vent; I'm paying her to help me make sense of things, and it's her job to steer things in the direction they need to go.

Haven't had to discuss anything too serious in nature yet. I'm mainly worried she will ask questions about my romantic life. Do they usually do that? Like, how in depth?

I know she only cares about my money, but the thought of her thinking I am a pig or something really irks me, especially because she is realllyyy young.
I think I treat girls a bit too ..."casual" and physical, and can't really connect with them on a deeper level, to the point where I want to be in a relationship, or keep in touch with them. I guess when that time comes I'm going to be really hesitant.

So far,though, the only things I havent told her was what I dislike about my appearance. it was our 1st session, and she was reading each question I answered on paperwork, going through them one by one, asking me to elaborate on them. When it got to "what don't you like about your appearance", I just said "I'm not comfortable discussing that"
Mainly because I dont understand how it's relevant to our therapy. It's not like she is going to be like "oh, no, you have a gorgeous face." "Oh you hate your eyes? But they're so amazing - Im losing myself in them!"
Seriously...some things are just kind of dumb to ask.

You kind of have to put aside your stubbornness, though, and let them take charge, and just try your best to compromise and tell them what they want. Hiding things is counter-productive to therapy, and ironically the things you choose to hide are obviously usually the most important things that need to surface.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

It usually takes me I guess six or seven sessions at least to get comfortable enough with my therapist to really open up. There is something bugging at me that I need to talk to them about, that's actually a very big deal, but I just haven't been able to yet. It's something I dwell on every day, and there's a lot of guilt and shame attached.

The issue is I really believe that both my therapist and my psychiatrist both have problems talking to me about the suicide from two years ago. I get the impression that they really don't know what to say about it, and I think I have good reason to think that way. Sometimes I get the feeling they don't want to talk about it at all. Maybe because there's just not much *to* say. She's gone. She died. I will never see her again. I tried to save her and I failed. _*What else is there to say*_. Nothing can be done now. And realistically, talking about it is not going to change anything. We both know that. It's kind of a tug-of-war between...do we go through the semantics, so that we can say that we talked about it...or do we just admit there's nothing more that I can do besides move on somehow. I mean, I'm OK with telling her how I feel, discussing it until we're blue in the face, and then telling her "thank you, I feel much better after getting all that out". I've done it before. Just tell her what she wants to hear so that she'll feel better and can cross that off my treatment plan. That's not why I'm there though. So I feel like she can't give me what I'm really needing, what I'm desperate for, what I'm hanging on by a thread for and wishing for. No one else out there will, either. I've seen enough psychiatrists to know they all use the same playbook. She can't help me move on, and this is the biggest issue I have right now...this is what may end up killing me, if I don't make some progress soon. So that makes me very hesitant to bring up any other issues. And I have a lot. I'm ashamed to bring them up, but there's no way in hell I'm going to push myself beyond my limits just to have her give me a blank stare and suggest that I move past it. One thing I've discovered from seeing all the psychiatrists I've seen (well over a dozen) is that they're skilled at giving out helpful advice (you have to move on) but really f-ing terrible at suggesting exactly *how* (how the f do I move on??).

There are a few things that I'm going to take to my grave...no one knows about them. And yeah, honestly, it's probably stuff that I should be getting out in the open. Lots of guilt and shame, I'm full of guilt and shame. Just dealing with it on my own is probably making matters worse, and hindering any progress I could be making. Talking it over with someone else might even ease some of the guilt and pain and self-hate I have wrt to it. But there is just no way. That's never gonna happen. I need to see some proof before I open up about anything else, not a lot, just a little, that she's actually helping me make progress. Helping me to help myself. And so far she's failing miserably. Or maybe it's me. Maybe I need help that no one can really be expected to give. Yeah, it's probably me.


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## tieffers (Jan 26, 2013)

Yes. I've done quite a terrible thing.

I think, though, at this point, I'm more concerned with healing myself of past traumas than hiding them. I'm tired of hurting. I'm prepared to talk, but I still feel sick at the prospect.


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## BehindClosedDoors (Oct 16, 2014)

I stay away from doctors just as much as I do any other people. I am super open with my husband, kids, parents though. We talk about literally anything. I feel good about it because my son was able to come to me when he had his first real love/sexual partner for questions about protection and birth control. Not many people can talk to their parents about stuff like that. Her parents wouldn't entertain the thought that she was having sex at all and so birth control wasn't an option. She was so afraid they'd find out that she refused to get on a pill. They are older teens about to graduate so I don't see the sense in that approach. They did it themselves, for pete's sake. Her mother got pregnant in high school and they married soon after. All we could do was stock them up on all the other forms of protection and pray nothing happens.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

TheHaxanCloak said:


> Hiding things is counter-productive to therapy


Assuming they have the ability to do a damn thing to help, which I think for most people is not really a given. Why bother unleasing all these inner demons that they neither care about nor have any real solution to?

Case in point, my gf's hospice has a 'counselor' they offer to help out - well the lady doing it switched a month ago and some guy took over, he called and left me a voicemail last week and didn't even have a clue who I was or what my relationship with her is. Yeah I'm in a rush to open up to them, let me tell ya.


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## Therin (Aug 12, 2014)

Nope. Although I do sometimes keep things to myself unless asked about it.


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## gummybears (Oct 25, 2014)

whenever they ask what i do all day...i feel ashamed and embarrassed to say nothing, sleep, eat, computer. :/


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I'm really sorry for your loss. I know you're probably tired of hearing that, as it really does nothing to ease the pain, if you're like me anyway. But I am really sorry...I'm amazed at how many people go through this, it's unreal how many survivors of suicide there are. You don't hear about it much because there's not a lot out there as far as support groups or grief counseling. I think the majority of people just try to get over it on their own. I have a long, long way to go in this whole getting over it thing that all my psychiatrists keep mentioning. I have so much overwhelming guilt, like you mentioned. I'm constantly, always replaying the last days, weeks, the whole relationship in my head, thinking of what I could have done differently, and how I could have been a better man to her. Idk...I think I'm probably going to be doing that until the day I die.

I know I can't change the past. But I can't get over what happened. There are so, so many things I could have done differently. I'm responsible for her dying. If another man had been there in my place, or if I just hadn't been there at all, maybe she'd still be here. One of her daughters used to tell me that she was so afraid that I was going to leave her. You know, that makes me think I obviously didn't show her that I loved her enough, or in the right way. There are a million different things on top of that, that I could have done differently. I can't get over the guilt, I am never going to be able to forgive myself for that. And I can't seem to find anyone (my psychiatrist and my therapist) that can help me get over that. I think I'm going to be stuck right where I am right now forever. And I can't do this forever.

We only knew each other for about a year, but I was closer to her than I ever was to my ex-wife of 18 years. We didn't have any secrets. This sounds really cheesy but we both couldn't wait until I got off work everyday, and when I got home we never left each other's side. We would text all day while I was gone, and call each other a couple of times at least. The neighbors and her kids used to actually make fun of us, because we were never, ever apart. Even just to go a few blocks away to the convenience store for a couple of things, we'd both go together.

It's good to hear you've found a different center. My whole world has always been my kids, and thank God they're still healthy, strong and well-adjusted. They knew my ex-gf, and I just couldn't bring myself to tell them she killed herself. I'm always thinking about my kids, but I'm always thinking about her too. I just cannot get over the guilt. I've had a few people suggest that I just need to move on to another relationship, and I'm finding that next to impossible. It just really sucks being stuck right where I am, and realizing that things probably aren't going to change much. This is it. Forever. This is how I'm going to feel, I'm going to be tormented by flashbacks and nightmares and overwhelming guilt, forever. I'm still hoping my shrink or my therapist will help me get through this, or give me some magic combination of the right drugs that will make me forget, or move on. But I'm not holding my breath.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

There are things I haven't shared on here (or with anyone) that would probably surprise people who've seen me post, problems that are a legitimate source of anxiety (physical, they are unquestionable at this point) which I haven't talked to a doctor about but I intend to, hopefully this week.

I think the reason I put it off so much is that I know there is no real fix, I've kind of ****ed myself over by (probably) continually doing the same things that caused it instead of noticing/fixing early.


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

When I was having CBT therapy a few years ago there were certain things which I deliberately left out due to embarrassment and shame. I also told the therapist that I had achieved some of the goals that he had set for me, when in reality I hadn't.

Going forward I will be honest about everything. In fact I had an 'assessment' on Tuesday, and I mentioned (in floods of tears :/) the embarrassing things that I had avoided mentioning during my CBT.

I may also be going to a group therapy session for the first time next week. I will open up about most things I think, but some of the more embarrassing that things I talked about on Tuesday I will definitely leave out.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

IndigoPena said:


> the reason they can't help you is because deep down you know you would have to be a pretty ****ty person to forgive yourself for the death of someone you love.
> 
> Well, this way is so much more convenient, isn't it. There's no hunting to be done. The scumbag is right here.


I agree. I think this is what I'm thinking a lot (most) of the time, but I find it really hard to put into words. Me personally, I can't even fool myself into thinking that it's OK, and that I've forgiven myself. I just can't seem to do it, ever. I try as best as I can to distract myself, but it's always there. I can run but I can't hide. I know I am the scumbag. I am responsible, 100%, for her death. I am, in a way, a murderer. I didn't pull out a 9mm and open fire on somebody, but it's the same end result. If I had acted or said something different, she might still be alive. Maybe if I hadn't been with her at all, she might still be alive.

I feel a lot of the time like my battle with this is going to be all about that. How do I now live with myself knowing that I'm responsible for her death, and knowing that will never change, regardless of how much therapy I go to, or how many pills I swallow, or how much time goes by. And btw, for me, that whole "it will get better with time" thing is a pack of lies that my therapist tells me when she's at a loss for words. It seems to be getting worse with time. The guilt isn't going anywhere, in fact, it's getting worse. It's like it festers, and grows.

You would think that someone who has witnessed a suicide would never think of suicide themselves. That's not always the case.

Anyway yeah if I was to say something like that (I'm responsible) in front of my therapist she would come unglued. She thinks I'm actually making progress hehe. That's funny. When I started out with her I promised myself I wouldn't lie, and wouldn't hold back. But some things are just not open for discussion anymore. I've had enough of the circular arguments and the same rhetoric over and over and over again. I guess I really can't be helped. FFS I hope nobody else, at least nobody else on this forum, has to go through this. I really hope.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

My lack of higher education & career. That's what every man is judged on, more and more the older he gets. That's why every woman starts with the question "So what do you do?" in a funny voice when getting to know a guy. You're judged as a worthwhile human being depending on your status & income.


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## Wren611 (Oct 19, 2012)

After going through 4 therapists in 2 years when I was 23-25 (who all made me feel as though I was just a burden, a stupid one at that) I've decided now there is not a lot I feel comfortable talking to a therapist about.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I haven't seen a therapist since I was a teenager, so can't really say.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Yes. I cannot talk about my fetishes. I can't talk about my music and TV tastes either. That might sound weird, but talking about my taste in music, TV shows, movies, etc is a source of strong anxiety for me. I don't know why.

I can't talk about some of the reasons I'm suicidal either. I'm too ashamed about some of the reasons. I fear that nobody would understand. My current psychologist does nothing but criticize me and ridicule my problems anyway.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I've had therapist, psychs judge me, insult me, yell at me for "not doing anything" or "not working" in my resume gaps, and even my parents, or break privacy rules and tell me about a former hs friend I knew talking about me.
I've come to think 99% of psychiatric health care are just doing
their work for the job.(just like most people who hate their jobs in our screwed up world economies today) Whatever personal mission to be non-judgemental or constructive has long been lost or was never there in the first place. The psychiatric industry is even worse
because it's based on ad-hoc science and big pharma/money pyschotropric lobbying, manipulative politics, and false advertising. I don't think they really know how to "cure" anyone. Thus I haven't been back to psychiatric/social worker services in close to 20 years.
If one wants someone "to talk to", either find someone to spill to who doesn't mind (unlikely), or use the online "talk to" search phone lines where one may have to pay certain amount of cents per minute. These days your own doctor can prescribe the usual ativan or whatever most "normal" people and coworkers take at work anyways or cross-border generics orders.


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## nervousbat (Nov 16, 2014)

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a thing I'm ashamed to talk about. I always feel like a freak because of it but then I remember that this though that I am a freak of nature is universal and has been shared by many humans, which makes me just as human as everyone else, and I just keep telling myself that now to remind myself that I'm still human.


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## DreamAway (Apr 29, 2012)

Lisbeth, 

try not to hold back in therapy, if you don't put those irrational thoughts out there, then you're not gonna be able to enable your therapist to work through it with you, which is the whole idea of therapy. Those therapists have heard a whole lot more crazy stuff than you could imagine, and I'm sure your irrational thoughts won't cause any judgement or negative evaluation. GO for it, you're putting your time into therapy, best thing for you is to talk about what's real for you. 

& btw, I get the same way in therapy, but i've eventually mentioned my irrational beliefs and more often that not, my therapist tells me that it's a pretty 'normal' trip I'm on.

All the best!


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

IndigoPena said:


> Just remember: what you're going through now, your kids will go through if you suicide yourself. So don't do it.
> 
> You might think "Nah, my struggle has nothing to do with them. They won't blame themselves." But you'd be wrong.
> 
> When my wife died, my 3 year old at the time thought it was because he enjoyed preschool too much. He apologized to me for leaving his mom to go be with the other kids. And he had been told she had a car accident, so you might think he would no reason to blame himself, yet he did. Self-blame is normal. Don't put your kids through that.


Yes, I know. I would never, ever hurt my kids like that. It's just really ironic to me that I would ever even think about suicide (like I have in the past), given that I actually watched her kill herself. I have a lot of anger that's come out just over the last year or so. On the one hand I don't know how anyone that really and truly loves their bf, gf, family, friends could actually do that, could do something so hurtful and selfish. But on the other hand I know they must have been in a world of pain and hopelessness and saw no way out. I'm sure I could never actually do it though. Well, as sure as I can be.

I'm really sorry what you went through with your wife. It's strange how I feel nothing but empathy for you, because I know the feelings of loss and grief and feeling abandoned in a way, I know that those never go away. But when I think of myself in my own situation I have so much self-hate, and blame, and guilt that will be with me forever. It's really sad to hear about your little boy feeling responsible. That's just...heartbreaking, man. I mean, I know and I'm sure you know he can't comprehend what's really going on...when he gets older he will realize it's not his fault, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with him.

Just out of curiosity, do you go to any grief counseling or groups or anything? There's a survivor of suicide group that meets here in Houston. I learned about it about two years ago, right after she died. I emailed the coordinator and got time & location & all that but I just can't make myself go. I'm really concerned it might just bring up a lot of painful stuff, and won't help with the healing process at all. But everyone keeps telling me to go. Idk.


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## CoffeeLover94 (Jan 26, 2014)

scooby said:


> I'm very scared about bringing up my concerns regarding dating/relationships/loneliness and my insecurities about my unattractiveness. Just anything to do with romantic relationships.


Wow i can totally relate.


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

I stole $60 dollars from my teacher's (I was her favorite student) purse in 3rd grade. The school sent out notices to all parents. Some other kid got blamed for it and I kept the money. I still feel guilty about it. I have never told anyone this. Will keep this secret til I die. I have also done other things that I regret but will never talk about.


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## lost in my own mind (Dec 4, 2014)

The OP's question is a great one imo, and it's actually the very reason I have never been able to consider therapy as an option.


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

When I had therapists I absolutely kept most of the specifics of what I was talking about from them and gave them only the vaguest idea.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

I'm ashamed of talking about anything that implies my weakness. Like talking about times that i've been hurt.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

lisbeth said:


> Bringing it back onto a more relevant topic tho: I actually find it really hard to talk about "big" stuff like this with any professionals, not because I find it awkward to talk about (for some reason I don't) but because they don't really seem open/receptive to it. Like, I am scared to bring up anything that's arguably irrational, because in my experience they just dismiss anything irrational out of hand. *And the beliefs at the heart of anxiety/depression/etc all tend to be irrational, so that's a problem. If I believe X and I am utterly convinced that X is true, then recognising that another person will claim X is irrational isn't going to dilute my belief in X, it's just going to dissuade me from admitting to it. That's my biggest problem with counsellors/therapists, I think. When I try to bring up something important (to me) like that, I tend to get a softened version of "that's illogical and you're being silly", big smile, problem solved, go back to dissecting irrelevant crap from my barely-remembered early childhood.* Maybe this or that belief is illogical, but to me it's huge and feels like truth. All the stuff that's the most difficult to get rid of is the stuff that's illogical, because there's no way to rationalise my way out of it.


 This seems to suggest that the therapists you have seen are not very good, and/or are not at all suited to your needs.

I can't imagine the guy I saw ever doing something like that. He was someone who specialised in CBT, so working with irrational beliefs is what he does every day.

His non-judgmental approach was a key part of my success, I think.

Can I ask, were these people who specialised in CBT, or were they the kind of _"Yeah I offer CBT as well"_ types?

What were you doing in the sessions? Was it just discussion, or was it about planning and carrying out experiments?

The _"let's sit down and discuss your childhood"_ type of therapy is often useless for many people, I'm told.

I wish I could send you my therapist, lisbeth


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Yup. I'm not seeing a therapist now, but when I did, I only touched on the problem that is like 95% of my depression/avoidance/dysphoria. It's something that I carry around all the time, and it's a huge burden. It's not only because I'm ashamed to talk about it, but that I know that they wouldn't understand(and that they wouldn't understand the severity of the problem and therefor downplay its importance and how much it affects every area of my life). It's not a common problem. That's why it felt like it would only shake up my emotions even more to talk about it. The few times I've talked about it before(to mom - who only knows parts of it), I usually start crying uncontrollably for a while. If I were to talk about this, it would have to be someone who was specialized in this area, and used to see people who've gone through/is going through a similar thing as me. I can't afford it atm, but I'll at least give it a try when I can.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

Yes there is many things. I'd say the worst one is talking about my depression because it's the reason I dropped out of university and the reason why I have failed or given up on everything in my life for the past 3 years.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

probably offline said:


> Yup. I'm not seeing a therapist now, but when I did, I only touched on the problem that is like 95% of my depression/avoidance/dysphoria. It's something that I carry around all the time, and it's a huge burden. It's not only because I'm ashamed to talk about it, but that I know that they wouldn't understand(and that they wouldn't understand the severity of the problem and therefor downplay its importance and how much it affects every area of my life). It's not a common problem. That's why it felt like it would only shake up my emotions even more to talk about it. The few times I've talked about it before(to mom - who only knows parts of it), I usually start crying uncontrollably for a while. If I were to talk about this, it would have to be someone who was specialized in this area, and used to see people who've gone through/is going through a similar thing as me. I can't afford it atm, but I'll at least give it a try when I can.


  Sorry to hear it probably offline.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

OneLove21 said:


> I just hate getting too personal in general. It can range from my beliefs, my history of friends (which I've always lacked), things I do for fun, directions that I choose to take with my life, etc. Without sounding arrogant, I tend to have an uncommon viewpoint on certain aspects of life that the average person does not hold..nor have I lived the average lifestyle that many people have when they are young (ie: having friends; hanging out with others, etc).


Wow! Ditto. To all of that.


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## Gus954 (Jul 25, 2013)

My non existing sexually active life


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

yea. I've done some embarrassing things in the past that would be extremely hard to talk about. I feel like what I did (and felt) was wrong and I feel guilty about all of it. i'd have a hard time talking about it anonymously even


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## thevenacava (Dec 29, 2014)

I don't like to talk about personal issues in general, because talking about personal details always leads back to the topic of friends. As someone who has no friends, this is a humiliating topic. 

Our culture structures recreational activities to be done with friends. Because I have none, I am afraid to go have fun without people. Thus, even talking about what I do for fun can be a hard topic.


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## something there (Feb 24, 2014)

Just about everything is shameful to me. The fact that someone has to ask about it is in itself shameful. I have nothing to be proud of so what reason is there to be proud. No social life, no accomplishments, nothing. It's a lot easier to lie about it and tell people that you are doing just fine than admit the atrocity that is your life. There are some places that it's best for everyone just to keep hidden. I brought the pain and misery on myself, and telling someone about just makes it worse for everybody.

Naturally, therapy has not shown any results yet for me. I gave it a shot.


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## Quirky (Jul 27, 2014)

There are things I'm embarrassed about that I have the common sense not to mention, so that I don't exacerbate ant hills into mountains, and can find a solution to with self-discipline and dedication. Then there are a small amount of issues/"delusions" that I would not mention unless I was severely (and I do mean _extremely_) smashed because I mentally tell myself that discussing things problems with the wrong folks could make life much more dangerous or difficult. Sometimes, shame simply just doesn't describe the sensation of heightened flight-or-fight stimulation that occurs from even speaking a single word about certain topics of discussion.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Definitely. Especially with my newer psychologist who I've been seeing for only 3 months now. It takes me a long time to get used to someone new.


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