# Loner, no friends, no social life



## lastexile

Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with. 

I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


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## AlienFromSomewhere

I think many people here understand your condition. A lot of us here are loners. You are not alone. Do you have problems with social anxiety though?

If you are just having a hard time making friends, try making friends online first. The best way to do that in my experience is to play an online game that you really like. From there you will meet a lot of people. It's easy to make friends with people who have the same interest as you, in this case those who love to play that game too. Then get their emails and keep in touch with em using messengers. My social skills are greatly improved that way.


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## VetChick

Have you tried getting a job? i don't mean that in any offensive way, but a lot of my friends come from work, even though it was awkward at first I slowly got used to them.  I actually have plans for the weekend. I'm exicted about that.


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## LostinReverie

Please consult me before posting my life story.

Thank you.


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## Kev23

It sucks, doesn't it?


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## Ares

If you want to try and make friends in classes maybe you can advise studying together and than from there maybe go out for lunch?

Work is also a great place to meet people, try to find a job where a lot of people your same age work. Try to find a common interest with them.

But I do agree with some people are saying maybe online friends will help ease you into it.


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## Anxiety75

I don't like to be alone all the time. But I love the freedom it gives me. I really prefer to be alone but when I am really depressed I feel very alone and wished there were people to talk with and be with. Other than that, I'd rather not spend large amounts of time with people. I'm too tense for that.


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## paranoid

I'm feeling the same way, incredibly alone..just wish I had someone I could spend the day with..I never do anything on the weekends. sucks bad..


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## HumiliatedGuy

Yet another lonely day for me too.


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## palecadude

hey Daniel 
I definitely can relate, although my routine is just to stay in. I don't remember the last time I broke routine so I guess im trying to be invisible


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## Trev

My Routine is Avoid The sun, people and anything negative or at least what I percieve may be negative =\


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## UltraShy

Sounds a lot like my life story, except I don't go to school (nor work) and I've been playing this hellish game a decade longer.


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## TheGecko

I know exactly what you mean. It's the thing that drives me mad, I want to be able to have friends but I am too terrified to even attempt to make any. Not that I would know how to do that anyway.


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## |30|3

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say everything you've said explains my situation. I too prefer the company of others, but I don't know how to make friends, it's almost like I'm at that stage in my life (21) where people aren't TRYING to make friends anymore and are already satisfied with what they have and are beginning to settle down.

My day only consists of going to school and coming straight home because I don't know what else to do. I feel awkward when I'm by myself trying something. If I just had someone I could hang out with and do things with I'd be so much better :sigh .


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## Tala

It sucks being lonely. I think i seem to people like a bit of a loner and happy to be alone, but i HATE it, i want to have friends a boyfriend and a life but i dont know how to go about it, plus it causes more anxiety than i can deal with. I think thats the misconception of SAD, is that people who dont understand it think that people with it just want to be alone but it couldnt be further than the truth.


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## minimized

Yes you've written my life story as well. It's like, why should I try living if I can't ever make friends?


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## lennyk

Story of my life too,
I happen to be involved seriously in sports, cycling, gym, soccer and many other hobbies. Whilst I know people directly in those activities I have been unable to get to know people further than that and it really sucks that people know me very well and I make acquaintances easily in these direct situations but cant make real social friends more than in these limited contexts.


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## Joan Mbugua

You're life is a mirror image of mine!Before i discovered this website i'd never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I'm in college, majoring in Marketing(ironic!), I have no friends,I walk around in school like no one else exists,people constantly stare at me and laugh at me because I'm the loner of the school, I have to get to school by bus on a 2 hr ride and back from Monday to Friday with the same people,never spoken to anyone in the bus...I could go on forever.I'v always wanted to talk to them but I just can't get myself to do it.Sometimes i wonder what is so different about me that i can't make or keep a friend because everyone seems to have them.


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## luvislyfe

You are not alone! I know this feeling all to well. Sometimes I wonder if I feel this way and you feel this way.....and all these people feel this way. How are we missing each other? It could be because we are stuck at home, being loners. How do we meet others that have this problem?


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## Mc Borg

> Loner, no friends, no social life


 :ditto


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## morningmud

My only friends are my mother and my son so I guess they don't really even count.


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## jordana

Yes agree w/ everyone... I have very little social life and what I do have is only because I have a boyfriend.. who ironically (but on 2nd thought, probably not, why do you think I was attracted to him in the first place) has an outstanding personality - he coudl talk to a tree and it would be friends with him. 

I just hate the way I'm so dependent on him. It sucks having to be the person in a relationship who doesn't have their own life. 

I only had 1 good friend in HS who was basicallly a horrible person and we had a falling-out senior yr. Then I went to college in Philly and finally got some friends in the last year, but, some friends we are, we don't keep in touch and haven't seen each other since graduation in June.

Living back at home w/ my parents now.. with no friends in town except for 1 that just moved in w/ her bf and has no time for me which is bull****.. so I do nothing after work every day and hang out w/ my bf on the weekends down in Philly. If he is away for the weekend then I have zero life and have to think of ways to spend the daylight hours.

It absolutely sucks b/c I thought that when I got to be 22 I'd have this amazing life w/ a little group of girlfriends that I made at college and would be having the time of my life.. going out having fun, completely forgetting how I was shy as a kid and how I hated HS.

Funny how its the COMPLETE opposite. But I wish it really was funny, it makes me so utterly sad and lonely all of the time...


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## Sledgehammer88

welcome to the club


weekends suck with no friends


to think i looked forward to weekends years ago...


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## arielphoto

I totally agree w/ what Jordana said. I married my college sweetheart, and he has a great personality so he can be friends w/ anyone! Me on the other hand can't really talk to people at social places. I am 25 & only have 1 close friend from high school but she lives 1,200 miles away. I tried to make friends from work but they never said yes to hanging out. It's weird because I am a photographer so I have to be able to talk to people while I am on set, and I don't have a problem w/ that I just can't make friends at all it seems! I think maybe I need some therapy... :stu


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## jordana

yeah i tried therapy for a few months and decided to stop going b/c it wasn't really doing anything and I was going to london in a few months and obv wouldnt be able to go after that.

I just need some friends...thats all. I'm sick of hoping my boyfriend can hang out with me. But I don't know where to make them... I just started a new job and hopefully I can make some friends there, but the SA has got me thinking I'm acting really strange and people think I'm weird.

Ariel - what kind of photography do you do? My mom is a photographer - mostly children.


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## WhaDaHeo

Have you seen Cloverfield? The beginning going-away party? I think if I were to move out of the country, there would be a total of maybe 2 people that would come.


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## shifty0's

I used to have very bad sad to the point of feeling like i was was gonna pass out or die in groups of people, but i got to a point of just not giving a **** and realizing it was stupid to worrie about all the things causeing my anxiety. sadly i dont think sad ever completly goes away its just somthing ive found u got to deal with. I thought for a bit that I had complety over come it but then i moved and am trying to make new friends but realized that sad is here to stay, I hate when people look at me like im a creep or worse even call me one to my face, its crushing and makes me feel like i should be self councious and afraid of meeting people. then agian maybe were just not ment to have friends if people dont like us they can all just go to hell.


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## ellektra

You pinned down my life perfectly as well. I'm 23, no friends, no life. I feel like my life is a broken record, that just keeps repeating the same day over and over. I've never been on a date, kissed a boy, or just had friends to go out with on the weekends. It's miserable. I just started school actually, I'm taking 2 classes this semester which is a big step for me. I've basically hid in my bed with the sheets over my head for the past 8 years. I'm really feeling the loneliness of life today, which is why I am on this forum.


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## WhaDaHeo

The worst part is the regret that you feel knowing that you've wasted the years that were supposed to be wild and crazy, and you can't get them back.


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## SAgirl

I've stopped waiting for friends. If I want to go ice skating, I go ice skating, If I want to go to the gym, I go to the gym. I can't sit around waiting for friends.


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## dave :o

I'm 18 now, high school ended last year, I have no friends, girlfriend or any social life whatsoever now. I can't meet new people or make new friends, haven't made a new friend on my own since I was younger, now they're all gone at away colleges, probably having good social lives, while I'm still here with nothing. Oh well


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## spoz

Same here, I'm 18. I used to be a social butterfly but through anxiety cut myself out of my friends lives and only two of them stuck around. One friend suffers anxiety too - but since she started college has made made loads of friends and is leaving me behind. So on Saturdays and Fridays when all the other girls my age are out enjoying their lives I'm stuck at home wandering what is wrong with me. It's tough, but there are many of us out there.


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## FadeToBlack

I envy you. I've had a girlfriend and a great social life in the past and its faded completely away, now im a loner.. Infact i still have friends now from my sporting team and from school but I never ever go and hang out with them (even though I want to) I'm just incapable of it.

the pain is alot worse when youve had your life taken away from you.. by yourself


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## spoz

FadeToBlack said:


> I envy you. I've had a girlfriend and a great social life in the past and its faded completely away, now im a loner.. Infact i still have friends now from my sporting team and from school but I never ever go and hang out with them (even though I want to) I'm just incapable of it.
> 
> the pain is alot worse when youve had your life taken away from you.. by yourself


This happened to me also. It's very difficult to deal with..


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## SaGgY

I haven't had any friends since high school so for a few years.


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## laugh it off

wow.. someone should create a get together.. 
we need to de-stress


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## ohioisforloners

The problem I have is that I live in a tiny little town so I can't exactly "go out" anywhere other than a bar. Seeing as how I do not drink or smoke, nor do I like to associate with people that do (smoking especially), I don't feel like going there haha. 

I don't expect anything to change in my life. I know some things are inevitable, but for the last 2 years I have been in a routine that I do not see breaking anytime soon. I am going on a vacation with my brother in May, but I am not sure how that will turn out yet.


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## Jinnix

I'm always alone, sometimes I go for a week or longer without talking to anyone other than muttering a thank you or few words to a cashier. It feels like time has stopped for me, I wake up everyday and everyday is the same. I don't really have any memories that stand out from the past few years because nothing happens.


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## Bredwh

lastexile said:


> The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before.


Same here except I'm 22. Never had a life.



lastexile said:


> I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream.


I don't go to school but everything else is the same. Every day is the same for me.



lastexile said:


> I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone.


I also think it would be weird to go to the movies by yourself or something. I don't go anywhere because I have no one to go with.



lastexile said:


> I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody.


I don't like to be alone either. I like being around people but my SA prevents me from doing so.



lastexile said:


> In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.


I didn't talk much in high school or college but I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with either.


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## SickJoke

Judging by the 3,000+ views on this thread (wow!), I'd say your situation is common among SA sufferers. The good news is you can turn your life around, it's never too late. Start taking steps to overcome SA!


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## JadeNatalia

i understand what you are going through. i just moved to NC from PA and i have no friends, and i've been living here a year now and people think. because i have been living here a year i am suppose to have friends and whatnot. but little do they know. i am not good with making friends that easily. People think just because i am a pretty girl, i look like i have a boyfriend and have alot of friends, but little do they know, i have no friends, no boyfriend for a long while now. i left all of my very few friends back in PA. it's so hard. i hardly go anywhere. i go to church on sundays and thats all i do on the weekends. and on the weekdays. i go to my internship and come home. I dont go out ANYWHERE and everyone on my internship is older than me and there is really nobody really my age there.


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## CopadoMexicano

me too


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## bluewater01

Ares said:


> Work is also a great place to meet people, try to find a job where a lot of people your same age work. Try to find a common interest with them.


That doesn't work for me because I never seem to click with people my own age. I always find myself way more nervous around people my age and worried about saying the wrong thing or being judged. I find it way easier to interact with women almost twice my age. I feel like I can be myself more and not be judged. (I'm 29.)


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## EccentricGuy

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


I'm in the same situation as you are. I'm 19. Even I go to school everyday. Do absolutely nothing on the weekends, breaks or the summer. I people I know at school are just acquaintances. Although I've known them well, I never hang out with them. It's not their fault that no one invites me or anything for any occasion or any other activity. I know this has to do with my suckish social skills. Like you, even I don't want to be this way.
It was only after I checked my classmates' facebook profiles that I realised that people have so much fun in college. Forget girlfriend, I don't even have REAL friends. The closest thing I have to "friends" is the people I mentioned above (the people I meet at school). I can't even call them as analogous to colleagues. I have a relation with them as the relation you would have with your teacher or your boss (friendly, but VERY VERY formal).
When I look back at my life, I can't fail to notice why this happened. I grew up in an environment that led to this situation. It's like cancer or a heart stroke. You realise what went wrong only after it happens. I never realised in my childhood that I was falling prey to such a big problem. There is no way I see a cure to my problem. I'll be a university graduate in two years. I have my career to worry about. I cannot just give up everything and focus my attention on becoming social. I don't think it's impossible for me to change my situation, I just think that it's impractical to do so.
Till now, I have been venting my frustration on the people around me. I recently got tired of that recently as some people I tried to talk to didn't care and the ones that did care (my mom) doesn't understand me. So I just built a wall around myself. I know that no one who's reading this going to care either. But I'm relieved to let it out. So here it is.


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## Kage Dweller

Sorry to state the obvious, but you need to do something before you reach the point of total misery. I literally no longer feel any emotions whatsoever except fear and hatred. The only ambition I have in life is to start growing pot...lots of it, to help me chill.


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## solasum

Well, I am a loner with really no friends and absolutely no social life. Who cares?! I'm in a great mood tonight, even though I spent the day at work. It's great to be able to live. I'm trying to accept it as it is.


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## LostInApathy

I can completely relate to you


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## xtina_fan81

Anxiety75 said:


> I don't like to be alone all the time. But I love the freedom it gives me. I really prefer to be alone but when I am really depressed I feel very alone and wished there were people to talk with and be with. Other than that, I'd rather not spend large amounts of time with people. I'm too tense for that.


I know what you mean here. I get down about lack of social life and friends, but i have friendy type people at college and even though im glad ive made them, im still anxious when im with them as with anyone. After a while and certain days i just want to be alone because i use up so much energy being anxious when im with them or anyone, that i like to get away just so i can sit down, stop worrying, and take a breath for a minute. the only way im 101% comfortable is if im alone, and it also seems the "safest" option.


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## borntosuffer

I'm a loner too(not to be proud of)... i can relate to most of your things. I pretty much sleep,school,computer and that's it. If there's no school I'll just sleep and go on the computer. I try to make friends in school but i never get into the out of class relationship. My life is boring and there's not much to talk about. I can blame my parents for some of it since they've never traveled anywhere. When i ask can if we can go somewhere i always get pissed off because the answer is ALWAYS no. One of their best excuses is "we have no money", that pisses me off so bad because they've wasted so much money renovating the house. Their other excuse is that stupid look at me like if i was joking. I'll show them I'm joking when I'll leave that stupid prison and live in the mountains. I'll reject society and live "into the wild."

Someone rich with SA buy us an island so we can live in peace and harmony!:idea:boogie


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## Want2Bconfident

I don't think people realise how hard it is to get out and about having fun by yourself unless you are in that situation yourself. I remember when I had a fantastic social life watching a programme on people who had no social life and I thought they just probably don't make enough effort or something. But now I have drifted away from so many friends and people have got married and I no longer have a social life I can see how hard it is to get out and about having fun. 
People always say 'join a club' or 'go to church'. Is this the miracle answer? How many people in their late 20s or 30s are in clubs? Most people in their late 20s are married or have family or have their own friends that they wouldn't have time for clubs. And as for church, no that is not my cup of tea, I don't do religion.

You do meet friends at work, but all my friends at work are married and aren't interested in socialising with friends, everyone has done that in their teenage years and early 20s. 

Most people in their mid 20s to mid 30s, their friends are usually from school, college, university days or people from work, and they usually have a girlfriend/boyfriend who they do things with.

You should try the internet. Forums, dating sites, social network sites, etc.


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## bugfreak

wow. very popular topic (no surprise)

it is frustrating to want to make friends. i am grateful that i decided to go to school again and be exposed to being around large groups of people ans somewhat bummed that i no longer have a job. at least that will increase the odds slightly of ending up in a conversation with somebody. and even if that does happen, at what point is it appropriate to suggest hanging out? that's weird too because it's awkward to get to know people.

my two cents: keep getting out there in some way, shape, or form. it doesn't seem to be working for me but it's better than being COMPLETELY closed off- then there is no chance.


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## huh

Yup...just another loner here. I enjoy my solitude most of the time. Some times it gets to me...but usually not.


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## ohioisforloners

I have no friends and I let my family pretty much rule my life. I hate myself everyday for it also, but don't know what to do about it. Im pretty much hopeless at this point, and just try to keep any dismal thoughts out of my mind.


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## BeachGaBulldog

I have been alone most of my life, and I am 49 years old. I doubt that there is anyone in this age range on here. It seems like most things I read are from people in their 20's. Anyway, I grew up in an abusive home, was bullied in my neighborhood, school, and was too afraid of girls to ask one out. When I did, I usually was rejected. 
High school was hell, and that is where all my dislike for people came about. When I was in school, I tried and tried to make friends. When I thought someone was my friend, they stabbed me in the back. When I have been in relationships, I usually get dumped.
So, I have never been married, no kids. The girl that I have been dating for 4 years has found someone else, mainly because of an intimacy issue. I have had some experience in sex, but always put so much pressure on myself, I can't perform and it scares me. 
I don't trust people because they have never given me a reason to trust them. I avoid people as much as possible. I am done with the relationship thing. I am on the downhill side of life, and it is too much work. Hell, life is hard enough as it is without having to put up with women's "gameplaying". 
My employment history is a joke, because I have never been able to find something that suits me, which REALLY SUCKS now with the economy so bad. I won't work in an office setting with lots of people. That, and people get turned off because I won't play the "office politics" game. Well, didn't mean to rant, but it does feel good to share this.


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## spiritwild

I hate being alone and being inside. gotta have people around me always. If not I'll head down to the local pub to just sit around and chat or do the kareoke thing.

you have not lived until you get up on stage. It's a rush !!!


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## Partyof1

omg you just described me completely.

i made this account just to come here and say that i feel you 100%. i am alone 98% of the time. all i do is work>school>home. that's my routine every day or whenever these things happen. i don't know how to make friends and generally dont know how to talk to people. id go places but i hate going to movies/entertainment events alone, it's mad depressing. i done it before and hated it. loner in high school, loner in college, no girlfriend, no friends, no social life whatsoever.

id go places but i just dont know where and for what purpose. im 29 though and is about to get my bachelors, which is a good thing but then what?? anyway, good luck i hope you find whatever it is that will set you free from the prison that you're in.


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## |30|3

Holy ****, I posted in this a year ago and NOTHING has changed. **** my life.


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## jim695

I know how it goes. Over my entire life I have only had a handful of close friends and now in recent years I have been almost completely alone. It hurts big time.


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## lars

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## lars

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## lars

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## bflygirl

Hi LastExile and welcome! There is a chat room here, while I am new also (joined last week) I tried it and the folks were very welcoming. One place to start making friends it to join an interest group (i.e. if you like to hike, join a hiking club, or run see if there is a running club). I have a group of friends who I get together with to play Settlers of Catan. I met one of them by going to a game night hosted by a local hobby shop (there's a place where loners congregate and then no longer are loners, it was great fun!).


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## LostinReverie

Wow, it's been more than a year since this thread started. Very interesting.


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## Faith87

I hope you find a way to get over that.

I know I've been living like a zombie since I was 13. Dealing with major depression on and off since12...now 21. My family has a history of mental disorders and I gave up on the doctor's medications just months after hospitalization, concerned that I might have inherited alot more than 'baggage'. 

I'm not alive and consequently have trouble staying in college, holding a job, achieving goals, and changing as a person because of it. Always the same and never satisfied. Psychiatrists, self-help books, "self-development" classes, everything's just...in the pit. My life is running past me, and I stand there indifferent, lashing out at others from an inability to deal with pain. 

I'm psychotic - don't love myself enough to be motivated to take care of my own needs.


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## lonely guy21

*I understand*

I have read most of the postings and I relate to most of them. Im 24 and have no real social life. I have noticed a big trend in most of the comments made in this forum. Too many of us, I include myslef pay attention to what others think about what we do. Honestly thats our problem we are too self concious, we shouldnt be like that. I go to the movies with friends rarely so when I feel like watching a new movie I go to the theater by myself..you know what its not that bad. I say we stop paying attention to others peoples lives and live our own lives. After all we have control over that. Someone once told me, you dont make new friends because you shield yourself because you dont want to get hurt maybe due to past experiences. Maybe thats true and maybe its not, the only way to find out is to be open to new frienships. Say hi to people in the streets, smile more these things we can do. And if someone starts a conversation with us..have fun and share your own thoughts. I believe we need to free ourselfs from our own restraints...well good luck to everyone


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## hopeful17

its soo hard sometimes to just get out of the solitude and feeling bad about having little to no social life. I think people that i go to school with and relatives have always percieved me as a loner, who is very low key, it is sooo hard to break from that image, after living it for sooo long.


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## hopeful17

lonely guy21 said:


> I have read most of the postings and I relate to most of them. Im 24 and have no real social life. I have noticed a big trend in most of the comments made in this forum. Too many of us, I include myslef pay attention to what others think about what we do. Honestly thats our problem we are too self concious, we shouldnt be like that. I go to the movies with friends rarely so when I feel like watching a new movie I go to the theater by myself..you know what its not that bad. I say we stop paying attention to others peoples lives and live our own lives. After all we have control over that. Someone once told me, you dont make new friends because you shield yourself because you dont want to get hurt maybe due to past experiences. Maybe thats true and maybe its not, the only way to find out is to be open to new frienships. Say hi to people in the streets, smile more these things we can do. And if someone starts a conversation with us..have fun and share your own thoughts. I believe we need to free ourselfs from our own restraints...well good luck to everyone


that is a very good suggestion, lonelyguy. you some very good points.


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## Jordanmorrissey

I totally relate to the OP's comments because for most of my life I have had very few "real" friends. I have had acquaintances and the such but not "real" friends. I don't even know if the "one" friend I have left is my friend anymore. Maybe I am being dramatic and maybe I am not but he doesn't call, text, or e-mail me in almost a week. I thought about contacting him but I haven't because I don't want to think of coming across as desperate.

I have joined a social anxiety support group however and the meetings are once a week and that has helped me to a certain extent. I have only been attending meetings for one month but I feel joining a group meeting other people with social anxiety is beneficial. I suggest the OP talk to his or her's doctor contact the college medical clinic talk to a counsellor and see if he or she can get some treatment.

I know it's very hard and you are in a rough place right now. However, social isolation is not the answer and I am totally cognizant of this. I think the best thing for you to do is to "get" help. However, ultimately it is up to you to decide when you are ready to reach out for support. I hope you realize you are not alone.


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## numero1

I'm 20, in college, never had a girlfriend. I am very social when it comes to a purpose that benefits me, like if a job required me to interact with people I would be able to do it, but as far as my personal life goes, I don't care about other people and I do not go out much with other people. One reason for that is that I am intellectually superior to over 95% of the population. I feel no one is worth my time. I do keep quiet in my classes even though I could answer questions that my professors have and sweep them off their feet. I know that my parents influenced me because they are very judgmental but they judge others based on physical characteristics rather than on intellect. I, on the other hand, judge people based on their intellect and I feel that anyone who is not at my intelligence level cannot be my friend.

Even though I am quiet in classes, I am not shy in other non-verbal manners. I do whatever makes me happy regardless of what others think. I practically sing along with my ipod and dance when I take public transportation. 
Also, when I come into my classroom, I could be sitting in the middle of a group of people who are talking amongst each other. Instead of talking to them, I'm sitting there and just listening to music and sometimes people do try to talk to me, but I just do my best to ignore them.

I sometimes have to take public transportation to campus, there might be people from my classroom taking the same bus or subway. If I sit down somewhere they may sometimes sit down right next to me and start talking and that pisses me off so much because I have no interest in talking to them. I would be listening to music and their need to talk to me would be interrupting which annoys the hell out of me. Other times, there are people from my classes who don't sit down next to me; even though that makes me extremely happy, I sometimes question why they don't sit next to me. is it because I am just socially awkward? I do also tend to sit in a seat by myself and do my best in preventing others from sitting there unless there are absolutely no seats left.

There is this one girl who I just noticed in my class who I thought I could talk to and possibly ask her out; however, as soon as she answered a question in class, I knew she wouldn't be worth my time. The first thought that went through my head was "damn, this b.itch is dumb"

When I do go out, to events such as basketball games, concerts held at school, and the movies and the mall, etc, I go by myself. Wherever I go I take my ipod with me, unless its a basketball game, the movies, or the concerts (duh!). If I go to the mall, I'm listening to my ipod. I listen to all kinds of music but the majority of my music consists of extreme gangsta rap because the violence makes me happy(thats weird). I do feel that if someone should ever try to do some harm to me, I will fight back very violently regardless of the consequences.

I do go out to the gym to workout and play basketball.

I do not worry about fitting in wherever I am. I dress in expensive clothes because doing so makes me happy. I have different outfits everyday and I do follow the latest styles.

As far as favorite movies, sports teams, music, I am open to everything and anything that would make me happy.

Anyways, thats just my story.

EDIT: I remember that during my high school years, I would just wander the halls by myself eating my lunch, listening to my ipod. Although, I played varsity basketball for 3 years (i quit my last year of high school) and lots of people knew who I was, I didn't associate with them, hell i dont even remember doing anything or going out with my teammates, I wouldn't even talk to some who happened to be in my classes.

2nd EDIT: On weekends, I pretty much have the same routine: I go to the gym, play basketball, make money, do my homework, and the rest of the time is dedicated to things I do at home. I could be listening to music and watching sitcoms. Speaking of sitcoms, I absolutely LOVE to laugh, I could be on the subway or on the bus and if I am watching a funny sitcom I could start laughing by myself with my earbuds on.

OH and I read other people's posts and many with social anxiety seem to get along with their families, but guess what. I have never opened up to anyone in my life, including my parents. My parents never know how I am feeling, my siblings don't know anything about my life either. Throughout my lifetime (20 years), I have never had a conversation with my parents or my siblings that lasted longer than 20 seconds. Though my parents think I can't talk to people (or girls, hehe) they are wrong because I can keep a conversation but I just can't deal with people. I think about things which are extremely hard to comprehend and I have nothing other than those intellectual topics to talk to people about, besides my activities which I don't reveal to anyone. I realize that 95% of the population cannot comprehend advanced theories from fields such as physics, mathematics, philosophy, astrology, etc.


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## Sara001

numero1 said:


> I'm 20, in college, never had a girlfriend. I am very social when it comes to a purpose that benefits me, like if a job required me to interact with people I would be able to do it, but as far as my personal life goes, I don't care about other people and I do not go out much with other people. One reason for that is that I am intellectually superior to over 95% of the population. I feel no one is worth my time. I do keep quiet in my classes even though I could answer questions that my professors have and sweep them off their feet. I know that my parents influenced me because they are very judgmental but they judge others based on physical characteristics rather than on intellect. I, on the other hand, judge people based on their intellect and I feel that anyone who is not at my intelligence level cannot be my friend.
> 
> Even though I am quiet in classes, I am not shy in other non-verbal manners. I do whatever makes me happy regardless of what others think. I practically sing along with my ipod and dance when I take public transportation.
> Also, when I come into my classroom, I could be sitting in the middle of a group of people who are talking amongst each other. Instead of talking to them, I'm sitting there and just listening to music and sometimes people do try to talk to me, but I just do my best to ignore them.
> 
> I sometimes have to take public transportation to campus, there might be people from my classroom taking the same bus or subway. If I sit down somewhere they may sometimes sit down right next to me and start talking and that pisses me off so much because I have no interest in talking to them. I would be listening to music and their need to talk to me would be interrupting which annoys the hell out of me. Other times, there are people from my classes who don't sit down next to me; even though that makes me extremely happy, I sometimes question why they don't sit next to me. is it because I am just socially awkward? I do also tend to sit in a seat by myself and do my best in preventing others from sitting there unless there are absolutely no seats left.
> 
> There is this one girl who I just noticed in my class who I thought I could talk to and possibly ask her out; however, as soon as she answered a question in class, I knew she wouldn't be worth my time. The first thought that went through my head was "damn, this b.itch is dumb"
> 
> When I do go out, to events such as basketball games, concerts held at school, and the movies and the mall, etc, I go by myself. Wherever I go I take my ipod with me, unless its a basketball game, the movies, or the concerts (duh!). If I go to the mall, I'm listening to my ipod. I listen to all kinds of music but the majority of my music consists of extreme gangsta rap because the violence makes me happy(thats weird). I do feel that if someone should ever try to do some harm to me, I will fight back very violently regardless of the consequences.
> 
> I do go out to the gym to workout and play basketball.
> 
> I do not worry about fitting in wherever I am. I dress in expensive clothes because doing so makes me happy. I have different outfits everyday and I do follow the latest styles.
> 
> As far as favorite movies, sports teams, music, I am open to everything and anything that would make me happy.
> 
> Anyways, thats just my story.
> 
> EDIT: I remember that during my high school years, I would just wander the halls by myself eating my lunch, listening to my ipod. Although, I played varsity basketball for 3 years (i quit my last year of high school) and lots of people knew who I was, I didn't associate with them, hell i dont even remember doing anything or going out with my teammates, I wouldn't even talk to some who happened to be in my classes.
> 
> 2nd EDIT: On weekends, I pretty much have the same routine: I go to the gym, play basketball, make money, do my homework, and the rest of the time is dedicated to things I do at home. I could be listening to music and watching sitcoms. Speaking of sitcoms, I absolutely LOVE to laugh, I could be on the subway or on the bus and if I am watching a funny sitcom I could start laughing by myself with my earbuds on.
> 
> OH and I read other people's posts and many with social anxiety seem to get along with their families, but guess what. I have never opened up to anyone in my life, including my parents. My parents never know how I am feeling, my siblings don't know anything about my life either. Throughout my lifetime (20 years), I have never had a conversation with my parents or my siblings that lasted longer than 20 seconds. Though my parents think I can't talk to people (or girls, hehe) they are wrong because I can keep a conversation but I just can't deal with people. I think about things which are extremely hard to comprehend and I have nothing other than those intellectual topics to talk to people about, besides my activities which I don't reveal to anyone. I realize that 95% of the population cannot comprehend advanced theories from fields such as physics, mathematics, philosophy, astrology, etc.


I can kinda relate to that, I've always felt smarter and more mature than the people around me, except I judge myself as harshly as I judge others, I think, or maybe worse. Like not even I can live up to my own standards.


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## bloobla

numero1 said:


> I'm 20, in college, never had a girlfriend. I am very social when it comes to a purpose that benefits me, like if a job required me to interact with people I would be able to do it, but as far as my personal life goes, I don't care about other people and I do not go out much with other people. One reason for that is that I am intellectually superior to over 95% of the population. I feel no one is worth my time. I do keep quiet in my classes even though I could answer questions that my professors have and sweep them off their feet. I know that my parents influenced me because they are very judgmental but they judge others based on physical characteristics rather than on intellect. I, on the other hand, judge people based on their intellect and I feel that anyone who is not at my intelligence level cannot be my friend.
> 
> Even though I am quiet in classes, I am not shy in other non-verbal manners. I do whatever makes me happy regardless of what others think. I practically sing along with my ipod and dance when I take public transportation.
> Also, when I come into my classroom, I could be sitting in the middle of a group of people who are talking amongst each other. Instead of talking to them, I'm sitting there and just listening to music and sometimes people do try to talk to me, but I just do my best to ignore them.
> 
> I sometimes have to take public transportation to campus, there might be people from my classroom taking the same bus or subway. If I sit down somewhere they may sometimes sit down right next to me and start talking and that pisses me off so much because I have no interest in talking to them. I would be listening to music and their need to talk to me would be interrupting which annoys the hell out of me. Other times, there are people from my classes who don't sit down next to me; even though that makes me extremely happy, I sometimes question why they don't sit next to me. is it because I am just socially awkward? I do also tend to sit in a seat by myself and do my best in preventing others from sitting there unless there are absolutely no seats left.
> 
> There is this one girl who I just noticed in my class who I thought I could talk to and possibly ask her out; however, as soon as she answered a question in class, I knew she wouldn't be worth my time. The first thought that went through my head was "damn, this b.itch is dumb"
> 
> When I do go out, to events such as basketball games, concerts held at school, and the movies and the mall, etc, I go by myself. Wherever I go I take my ipod with me, unless its a basketball game, the movies, or the concerts (duh!). If I go to the mall, I'm listening to my ipod. I listen to all kinds of music but the majority of my music consists of extreme gangsta rap because the violence makes me happy(thats weird). I do feel that if someone should ever try to do some harm to me, I will fight back very violently regardless of the consequences.
> 
> I do go out to the gym to workout and play basketball.
> 
> I do not worry about fitting in wherever I am. I dress in expensive clothes because doing so makes me happy. I have different outfits everyday and I do follow the latest styles.
> 
> As far as favorite movies, sports teams, music, I am open to everything and anything that would make me happy.
> 
> Anyways, thats just my story.
> 
> EDIT: I remember that during my high school years, I would just wander the halls by myself eating my lunch, listening to my ipod. Although, I played varsity basketball for 3 years (i quit my last year of high school) and lots of people knew who I was, I didn't associate with them, hell i dont even remember doing anything or going out with my teammates, I wouldn't even talk to some who happened to be in my classes.
> 
> 2nd EDIT: On weekends, I pretty much have the same routine: I go to the gym, play basketball, make money, do my homework, and the rest of the time is dedicated to things I do at home. I could be listening to music and watching sitcoms. Speaking of sitcoms, I absolutely LOVE to laugh, I could be on the subway or on the bus and if I am watching a funny sitcom I could start laughing by myself with my earbuds on.
> 
> OH and I read other people's posts and many with social anxiety seem to get along with their families, but guess what. I have never opened up to anyone in my life, including my parents. My parents never know how I am feeling, my siblings don't know anything about my life either. Throughout my lifetime (20 years), I have never had a conversation with my parents or my siblings that lasted longer than 20 seconds. Though my parents think I can't talk to people (or girls, hehe) they are wrong because I can keep a conversation but I just can't deal with people. I think about things which are extremely hard to comprehend and I have nothing other than those intellectual topics to talk to people about, besides my activities which I don't reveal to anyone. I realize that 95% of the population cannot comprehend advanced theories from fields such as physics, mathematics, philosophy, astrology, etc.


So did Hitler believe he was intellectually superior to non-Aryans.


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## bht96

Wasn't this guys post over a year old? He only posted 3 times so I doubt he is still reading our comments. But, its funny isn't it? What he described resonates with so many people. I used to think I was alone with my SAD like he or she did. But, thanks to this forum, there is a large group of people like us battling with our SAD. Its comforting to know that there are others out there like us.


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## thelonelyloner

It sucks balls man. Your not the only one though. Tons of people are fighting what you are fighting loneliness/social anxiety, and I'm sure that if you set your mind straight, breath a little in life, you'll be just fine.


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## Shimmer

That is so sad. I can relate to you in some ways. I never really had friends, and I still don't have true friends. This stems from my childhood of being bullied. But, what I've been doing lately is going to the mosque(I'm muslim), and trying to embrace my religion more. I find this has helped me, and I'm beginning to make friends with alot of the girls there. I think the key is going to a place you can meet people, that share your values. If you stay home, you wouldn't meet anyone, go out there and be yourself, and I'm sure you will be liked. Nothing is wrong with you, all of you, we're all perfect in our own way. BTW I found this website by accident today.


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## Laconic1

I'm in the same boat as you. Making friends was never easy for me. I had a handful of them growing up, but they all moved away and lost touch thanks to the Air Force. Ever since my best friend betrayed me in 9th grade I've kept everyone at arm's length and never really felt a connection with anyone.

I made a few friends during my drug use and partying phase, but when I quit that life I realized that we didn't really have much in common. Honestly, I only did that stuff to be accepted and fit in somewhere; it was all an act. I've since turned by back on them, and I feel a little bad about it, but the guy they knew doesn't exist anymore.

I only have 1 friend now, and we're drifting apart. I haven't been able to make any new ones because I usually waste my days at my computer or in front of the TV.


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## hailu

This is the story of my life. I just opened up this account to reply here.

It's the summer right now, so I'm a lot more relaxed than I am during the school year. I thought everything would change in the summer, that I would begin hanging out with my old acquaintances (note: not actual FRIENDS) and have awesome summer adventures...but nope! Nothing has changed! I don't go out and have any social life, and all my old friends have turned into faint memories. (I grew bored of them, can you blame me? We all need changes...)

I once knew what it was like to have a dazzling social life. I used to be a social butterfly, and I was constantly laughing - I remember those years as special and _happy_. But now I am apathetic to everything and I never become "excited" or any emotion relatively HAPPY. I'm just "blah" to everyday events. (Although I do get furious and cry sometimes...)

*What does it mean to be happy...? *
I feel like I've been studying others around me, seeing how their happiness interacts in social situations. They are my specimens and I am the scientist.

College starts in the fall. I hope things will change and I'll be like I used to.
Blessings and love towards all brave souls who contributed to this thread.


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## socially inept

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


i like you, u sound like an interesting and enlghtened person, welcome to the boards

everything you sed was spot on, it made perfect sense and i can relate, as im sure most others on here can too


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## Rodimus

Ahhhh. I know what you guys mean. I always had a hard time finding friends. When I finally did find a group of friends (like I did when I was 10), I had to move far away. I had a hard time fitting in High School. One of the reasons was that I was 13 years old at the time. I had a hard time adapting until my last year. My senior year was great but it felt so short. I was so depressed when it was over. When I went to college at 17, I was unable to cope with both the school pressures and work schedule. Being alone certainly did not help. I think its cool to learn to be alone but no man can be an island. In time everyone wants to belong somewhere.


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## RockNRoll Dream

It's so easy to feel like the most messed-up, misanthropic, cowardly freak on the planet when you have SAD - but threads like this remind you that you're not alone. I can relate to each and every one of these stories to some degree, as I think we all can.

Thanks so much, all, for sharing.


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## loneman

yea i allso have never had any friends or a girlfriend or anything and im 23 im to nervous to be around anyone or to socializei mostley just stay on the computer all day so its boring.I get deppressed sometimes to,cause i know ill never have a girlfriend or any friends cause of the way i am.And that makes me sad.:cry


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## Rodimus

I almost forgot. When I was younger in my late teens I joined a Karate class. That helped a lot because it involved practicing with other people during class. I found that physical activity in settings such as this one really helped. I also heard the same thing about taking dance lessons. Unfortunately all of it requires $$$ and I'm broke.


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## david0976

I can relate to your story to some extend, I've had period in my life of extreme loneliness as well. Here are my thoughts about how to remedy it.

Someone suggested trying to make friends in an online game you enjoy, this is a good idea, while you are sitting at home having fun, you won't feel as self conscious chatting with people. Be carreful though, to not get sucked in online game to the point that it makes you leave your house less, these games can be addictive, and have a negative social impact if it causes you to go out less.

One other thing you could do is to try to find activities to do, like take a class, music, art, cooking, dancing, whatever interests you. Get in a collective sport, or maybe some volunteering, anything that will get you out there for a reason.

No matter how often you get out, making friends is difficult and takes times. 
99% of the time, you'll get out of the house and not meet anyone, but you need not to be discouraged or think it's your fault, this is how it's supposed to be, and this is why it's important to try to multiply your opportunities to go out, because the more you do the better your chances of meeting someone new.


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## kanarazu

My life story as well. Just went to bed early on the fourth of July because I didn't have anyone to do anything with, and didn't feel like going out alone... I don't know why I haven't learned how to make friends like everyone else


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## thecraftyveteran

ive always considered starting a separate webisite of here you know, kind of like meetup.com where you can select a city and find ppl that are on these forums and possibly hang out, i mean since were all so lonely, and its obvious were like minded ppl. i think it would be a nice thing to do for the users on here, so if anyone thinks its a good idea let me know.


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## KindredSpirit

*Brian*

Hi there,

I can totally relate to the O.P's thread. I'm alone almost 24/7 and I can't stand it.
I moved 1870 miles away from my hometown to attend The Social Anxiety Institute because I was promised that I would make new friends and new connections. Well, unfortunately that didn't happen and now I'm stuck out here in Phoenix, AZ in the blistering heat. I wasn't even anti-social and most of the time I made the first move or said the first words just to break the silence but it seemed like everyone in the group rejected me. I feel like we should start some kind of Yahoo Group entitled "I'm tired of being alone" Does that sound lame? If anyone would like to chat sometime, feel free to IM me anytime. My S.N. on Yahoo is Fordfan444.


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## UltraShy

The OP sounds a lot like my own life story.

It's not that I truly prefer to be alone. It's more that it's vastly easier than being around others. In the rare event that I actually meet somebody it always ends fairly quickly and generally badly. At best they just blow me off and ignore me; at worst they suggest I die or go **** myself and then die.

Maybe I am one of a kind with no match in the entire world. Nobody seems to enjoy being around me. How long would you enjoy a relationship with a guy who's in a chronically bad mood and doesn't have the energy nor desire to to anything. And should we happen to find something I wouldn't hate to do, then you can be sure I'd be afraid of the social aspects and avoid it for that reason.

A few hours ago I sent a reply to a 25-year-old woman who responded to a personal ad I have running. I should be happy to get a reply that could (unlikely) lead to a meeting, yet part of me wishes I didn't get that reply because I now run the risk of actually having to meet somebody who won't understand my SA and I will have to explain this to her. Based on past experience, women run from me upon hearing about my life at speeds typically only attained by Olympians. And all this work for a woman who's already made it clear that she's not looking for a romantic relationship. With so much work for so little one might be able to see why I have for so long simply given up.


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## mkp1974

I'm 35 and my life is pretty crappy too. I get up at 9 am, hang around home playing with my dogs and stuff until noon, go to Wal-mart, maybe the library, possibly out to eat alone or something. Get back at 2 or so. Get on the computer, maybe take a nap. Eat dinner. Have about four drinks of booze, and go to bed. Oh yeah I jog and work out some, forgot to mention that, big whoop. I am sick of this crap. Part of me realizes that many people out here struggling with crappy jobs, paying child support, etc. are pretty miserable too though. I just want to have some kind of quality of life. Maybe a girlfriend to have sex with about twice a week - then have her go home. That would be cool. One thing I wonder, is if people with social anxiety are at a high risk for stuff like alzheimer's. I am so bored with absolutely nothing to do 99 % of the time, with not much social interaction. That can' t be good physically for the brain. Sorry for the rambling post .


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## Hanna22

Is it weird that i'm 22, and i occasionally have guys ask me for my number but i don't give it to them or when i do i never pick up. I have guys tell me i'm pretty (which i don't see in the mirror) but i just don't get what the hell i would talk about on a date. The awkwardness kills me and i feel like they just wanna jump my bones. I've never had a boyfriend, but i have kissed a guy (btw i was really drunk that time). So unless i'm super wasted i won't open up to a guy (no pun intended)


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## SK7

i feel the same way. u r definately not alone. i sometimes get rly depressed cuz it's summer vacation & i don't leave my house often cuz there's no one 2 hang out with or anything. & it was worse when i went 2 school. i had few friends & just couldn't be myself around most of the world. i was just so trapped inside myself & had a mask of stillness on my face, just a blank expression. i hope this year'll be better since i'm less afraid cuz my medicine seems 2 be working.


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## noodles

If I knew the cure to your problem, I wouldn't be on this forum


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## Moon Fire

Everyone seems to have friends apart from me.


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## supersoshychick

your not alone, i stopped talking to my bff after graduation. I haven't had one friend since 1 year and 1 month...it sucks, not talking to anyone your age since then. So don't feel bad, you'll do better.


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## Jrock

Welcome to the world of introversion in Western society


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## lone8wolf

I don't know, I kind of like being alone.


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## Jrock

Sure we all like being alone to a certain degree, yet here we are.


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## onesock

*I'm with ya..*

You wrote my story as well. Except for that I used to have friends and grilfriends - when I was a kid - but for the last 23 years my life sounds like yours. If it wasn't for alochol and it's socially sedative properties I probably wouldn't have had a social life at any time in my life. I hate being alone. It's miserable.


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## organicwildroot

LostInReverie said:


> Please consult me before posting my life story.
> 
> Thank you.


Laugh my ****ing *** off, that's great. that's pretty much the same thing I was thinking.

Who knew there were so many of us out there.


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## Dream

As of late I myself have been going through a very similar situation, but I don't think I have S.A.D. I think it has more to do with the failures I have had within my life recently. Nonetheless, I will say I went to High School like all of you, but had many friends(unlike some of you). I was in sports(alpine ski racing for 8 years), and even though my school was 400 people and about 50 kids in my class I did come from a very small town/school I did befriend the majority in my class. Anyway, enough about HS because since then my morale went to the gutter because I noticed after taking my ACT and SAT that I was more the class clown then an intelligent individual(by the way, if it weren't for internet spell check I would show how horrible of a speller I am:no) I got 350s across the board (even when I studied) and my ACT was a 15... 
Anyway I went to a community college the first two years of school where I sat in my room playing video games and thought about how sheltered I was during my childhood years(I did come from a good family) On a side not, at this school I had a bad experience with my first roommate when he decided it was a good idea to **** some girl when I was sleeping so I freaked out and yelled at him while the girl ran out the room with a blanket as clothing(I mean I barely knew this kid and he did it the second week as my roommate, so it was a shock to a kid who just learning the real word since i was sheltered). So I signed up to get on a list to have my own room(which started a 2 year stretch of trying to have my own room in these dorms). I did pretty good but took a bunch of pretty easy classes(it was a community college), and transferred with a 3.6gpa to a major University where I found out how bad I was in school(putting me on probation and untreated depression for the remainder of the 2 years that I stayed there) I finally just failed out because I didn't know what to study and I had no one to talk to so I stayed in my room and listen to music to and from class.( I guess I just became scared of the real world). Man I was an idiot because I could have just taken time off from school without jeopardizing my grades, which now that I left school a year ago and worked for the last year...I am in a big load of **** because I want to finish school but have to raise my grades before I can return to a 4 year school(and wasting a ton of money I don't have). All and all, I guess I'm ranting, and veering off the topic, but I basically have come to the conclusion that since I have had no real friends for the last 5 years I haven't been able to have a life(I'm 23 almost 24 now). :flush No one has been there to challenge me or push me and when you don't have someone who enjoys being around you(even just one person) you feel like your life is not worth living. The sadist part is I have resorted to hanging around my younger brother and his friends who could give a **** about me(including my brother who just seems to put up with me since he is very selfish and arrogant). 

Real happiness is shared is what I'm gonna just end this with.

P.S. if you have any questions about this rant don't hesitate since I have no self-esteem.


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## susie22

Thats my life story now, I _kinda_ feel ya!

I use to have a lot of friends as a child but then things turned for the worse, My dad turned into an alcoholic and then it was just me and my mom starting over again. My mom met my now step-father, who was in the military and moved around a lot!! I went to a different school 6th through the 10th grade. How can a child make friends if they are going to a different school each grade year??? I was ALWAYS the "new kid" and always left out. For some reason kids in middle school and high school are not very nice, I think they get off on being cruel! Of course, they are going to attack the "new kid!" So I think thats where it started for me. I got to where I did not see a point in even trying to make friends any more. To bad my mind set has not changed in college!! I just started to become recluse and avoid social settings. I started having bad anxiety and panic attacks just thinking of social situations or just talking to someone..I guess I kinda forgot how to make friends. It has just gotten worse for me the past few years, I can no longer talk on the phone anymore ( not even to my own family). I refuse to leave the house without my husband (How I even got him is a mystery to me!) I want to make friends.. I am trying to work through SAD because I don't want to spend my 20's (the fun years) all cooped up alone.

Sorry I had to write my life story, just thought I would share....


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## boffin1979

mkp1974 said:


> I'm 35 and my life is pretty crappy too. I get up at 9 am, hang around home playing with my dogs and stuff until noon, go to Wal-mart, maybe the library, possibly out to eat alone or something. Get back at 2 or so. Get on the computer, maybe take a nap. Eat dinner. Have about four drinks of booze, and go to bed. Oh yeah I jog and work out some, forgot to mention that, big whoop. I am sick of this crap. Part of me realizes that many people out here struggling with crappy jobs, paying child support, etc. are pretty miserable too though. I just want to have some kind of quality of life. Maybe a girlfriend to have sex with about twice a week - then have her go home. That would be cool. One thing I wonder, is if people with social anxiety are at a high risk for stuff like alzheimer's. I am so bored with absolutely nothing to do 99 % of the time, with not much social interaction. That can' t be good physically for the brain. Sorry for the rambling post .


Have you ever thought about getting a job?


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## secretlyshecries

I had friends when I was very young. But even then I didn't actually like a lot of them. Then during high school, as much as it sucked, I made a small circle of friends. Unfortunately once I dropped out of school due to my depression/anxiety/whatever other problems, I lost regular contact with pretty much all of them. I feel guilty for leaving them and wonder if they hold any sort of grudge. That might sound silly but I don't know... most of them don't really know what happened with me and probably just think I was being overdramatic about not wanting to go to school. The joke's on me though because I've ended up being a loser with no job or anything. I'm only twenty but I feel like my life could go on forever like this. It's incredibly sad. I'm on the computer pretty much 24/7. I've made some online friends over the years since I've been alone. I used to cry about it a lot. I remember back when I did counselling for a little while there I saw a poster in the waiting room that said loneliness literally kills, and all this kind of stuff. I really believe it too. I feel like if I was alone long enough, I would go absolutely insane. The other day, various people kept knocking on the door for random reasons. While this usually terrifies me, I'd been expecting a house inspection (I'm renting, with my mum) so I answered it pretty happily to all of them. Afterwards I felt so proud for having spoken to more than just ONE real person that day. I thought about this afterwards and realised how pathetic I am. It was like ohh yayy, social contact! I'm such a loser. :roll


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## gotnuffin

Sounds like me in four years.


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## boffin1979

You're not a loser! Stop telling yourself that! You're just making your mental state worse. When I was 20, I was in the same situation. After finishing high school after years of bullying, I eventually got an office job where I was bullied by *****y women. We are treated like this because we are quiet and submissive. You need to believe that you are a winner. Why should you feel like a loser just because other people make you feel like that. F*** what other people think. They don't like us....fine! You are your own person and you do what's right for you! Don't let other peoples' feelings get to you, because they don't matter. What matters is you, what you are comfortable with and you'll do things in your own sweet time.

Be proud of who you are because there are many of us exactly like you. Only we've managed to appreciate ourselves!


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## boffin1979

Hanna22 said:


> Is it weird that i'm 22, and i occasionally have guys ask me for my number but i don't give it to them or when i do i never pick up. I have guys tell me i'm pretty (which i don't see in the mirror) but i just don't get what the hell i would talk about on a date. The awkwardness kills me and i feel like they just wanna jump my bones. I've never had a boyfriend, but i have kissed a guy (btw i was really drunk that time). So unless i'm super wasted i won't open up to a guy (no pun intended)


I think you're right. Most men just want a quick bit of action, and then just add you to their list of conquests. Good men are just as hard to find as good women! You won't open up to men you've met because they all sound like dickheads! Overconfident men are bad news. When you find the right one, you'll know and you'll be a better person for it.


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## secretlyshecries

> You're not a loser! Stop telling yourself that! You're just making your mental state worse. When I was 20, I was in the same situation. After finishing high school after years of bullying, I eventually got an office job where I was bullied by *****y women. We are treated like this because we are quiet and submissive. You need to believe that you are a winner. Why should you feel like a loser just because other people make you feel like that. F*** what other people think. They don't like us....fine! You are your own person and you do what's right for you! Don't let other peoples' feelings get to you, because they don't matter. What matters is you, what you are comfortable with and you'll do things in your own sweet time.
> 
> Be proud of who you are because there are many of us exactly like you. Only we've managed to appreciate ourselves!


Yeah, you're right. But I mean, I've some close to retraining my brain many times. I've thought that I have actually succeeded in doing so.. then someone will do something or something will happen and I'll go back to thinking the same negative thoughts I always have. It feels like whenever I'm really positive about anything in my life, something particularly crap will happen and I'll just feel so bitter without being able to help it.

I don't understand how I'm suddenly meant to not care what others think either. It's not really a feeling I can just turn off. I'm insecure and that's how it is. I know I can change but I think I have quiet a long road ahead of me.

You'd think the knowledge that there are people out there that are like me who be comforting, and it is, but something about it also depresses me. Other than the fact that it's so sad we're all going through this same thing (well pretty much), I kind of hate that of all the people I meet, it's never anyone like the people on this forum. Though maybe that's because we all hide away as much as we can. ha.


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## boffin1979

Disenchanting things happen to all of us from time to time. They seem to tell more among people like us, because we feel continually rejected, continually downtrodden. I believe life is something where only the strong survive, and coming in from behind doesn't necessarily mean you are weak. We are fortified by our experiences and we have more of an ability to empathise. Let that be the strength of your personality. Being quiet and shy and inward is nothing abnormal. We like human contact but only in moderation. If you can't live without someone fussing over you and doing things just to please everybody else, well all I can say is, you are weak and you won't survive. The reality is, only a handful of people will care about you if you are lucky. People who tell us they have heaps of friends and everybody loves them.....they are only kidding themselves. Take away the glamour, the over-confidence......the money.......and what do you have? A person's weaknesses fully exposed.

You know what I think you should do? Go to the gym....you may be fat or thin, but go to the gym as the health kick will help your confidence. Then find a good man.....but let them find you, not you them! Partnership will help disolve those human barriers, and so long as you have him and a bright future, who needs anybody else?


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## boffin1979

Disenchanting things happen to all of us from time to time. They seem to tell more among people like us, because we feel continually rejected, continually downtrodden. I believe life is something where only the strong survive, and coming in from behind doesn't necessarily mean you are weak. We are fortified by our experiences and we have more of an ability to empathise. Let that be the strength of your personality. Being quiet and shy and inward is nothing abnormal. We like human contact but only in moderation. If you can't live without someone fussing over you and doing things just to please everybody else, well all I can say is, you are weak and you won't survive. The reality is, only a handful of people will care about you if you are lucky. People who tell us they have heaps of friends and everybody loves them.....they are only kidding themselves. Take away the glamour, the over-confidence......the money.......and what do you have? A person's weaknesses fully exposed.

You know what I think you should do? Go to the gym....you may be fat or thin, but go to the gym as the health kick will help your self confidence. Then find a good man.....but let them find you, not you them! Partnership will help dissolve those human barriers, and so long as you have him and a bright future, who needs anybody else?


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## boffin1979

Another tread bights the dust!


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## thegreenpasture

i just joined this forum just so i could vent and share my story with you guys too.
im 21, hadn't gone to college and ive been just working ever since i graduated high school. everyday is same, work>home and then...repeat all over the next day. fun isn't it? im just getting sick and tired of my life style..i am a loner, i have absolutely no friends, i have zero social life. and i know i shoudlnt blame anyone for my problem, i know there must be something wrong with me to not have any friends, because everyone seems like they have at least 1 friend to hang out with.
sometimes being a loner is so embarrassing especially to your family. my siblings have tons of friends, they are popular and always get invited to parties and stuff while me, being the oldest is always staying home (in my room to be exact0 and doing nothing! i get sympathtic looks sometimes and it just makes me want to end my life altogether. earning money does not make me happy, but im glad that at least i have work to go to, so im not going to kill myself with boredom. after i come home from work everyday i sit on my bed staring at nothing, theres nothing to do. ive tried hobbies, exercising, whatever but nothing is interesting anymore and everything seem so pointless when you are so lonely. and i cant go to college because my family is really poor and they rely on my earnings. sometimes i just want to throw out everything thats burden on me and want to escape to place where nobody knows me.. im just fed up with my life. ive become emotional eater, everytime i get depressed or sad (thats my mood most of the time) i eat so i dont feel so empty. so you know, i get depressed, i eat , then i get fatter...lowers my self-esteem even more lol im just so pathetic its funny. i wish i never existed since nobody cares about me anyways... now ive come to a point where ive thought to myself to not commit suicide because i dont want to cause a scene for other people because of my pathetic existance so i will just live quietly and unseen by other people and eventually die old and lonely.


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## BeautifulGunStucknHolster

ya ya now your part of the club lol

we are mostly like that; i am except for old friends which i never see

wow my reply will never be seen lol why am i writing this lol


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## oculus

It seems that a lot of us are going through very similar circumstances. The boredom and the loneliness is just soul crushing.

For me, I've been trying to figure out why I have been excluded for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is. I don't know how people see me. I'm not arrogant. I don't go out of my way to make anyone's day harder than it has to be. And yet people just don't want anything to do with me.

I don't drink and I don't do drugs but I find it really hard to believe that someone would have to do those things to have friends.

Recent example of everyone else in a group connecting but me: I'm taking some college courses and in my area of study there are several of us who have crossed paths and we are literally running in the same circle. They're all pal'ing around now. I see and hear some of their inside jokes and see how they carry on when they're in the same room. None of them says anything more to me than an occasional "hello." Some won't even do that. And I did nothing to warrant that kind of distance. I didn't get a chance to get to know any of them so how could I have offended or rubbed anyone the wrong way? I've tried talking to some of them and it's just not happening. For whatever reason they do not see me as someone they want to associate with.

It's like being automatically blacklisted throughout your entire life.

I could understand if maybe someone was going around lying about me behind my back and telling people I did horrible things all these years but that's not happening. There's no explanation for it that I can find.

This Thanksgiving holiday weekend has been mind-numbing. I might as well be the only person on the planet with all the human interaction I've had. I have class assignments to work on and I've gotten nothing done cause I just feel awful all day.


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## israfil

secretlyshecries said:


> I had friends when I was very young. But even then I didn't actually like a lot of them. Then during high school, as much as it sucked, I made a small circle of friends...........due to my depression/anxiety/whatever other problems, I lost regular contact with pretty much all of them. I feel guilty for leaving them and wonder if they hold any sort of grudge. That might sound silly but I don't know... most of them don't really know what happened with me


That's kinda...no my exact life story. I came here after seeing a comedy about a guy trying to find his identity as a true loner and all he ends up doing is hanging out with a bunch of loners.

My father, my brother, my sister, my mother's father (father is dead, brother and sis live countries apart from me and we speak now and then) are/were all loners. All including me seem to prefer it that way, but somehow none of us seem healthy. We're all quite socially capable and amicable, but any depth of friendship bothers us. There are other psychological factors at work besides any social anxiety.I'm the only one who has a little of that but not a lot ( I get nervous speaking in public and asking people for anything including girls numbers)
At this stage (27) and after preparing my entire life, I'm at the crossroads of wanting to go and truly live by myself on a piece of land I bought to eventually operate as a completely self-sustaining farm, or to try the world of people one final time to see if anything clicks. I enjoy laughing and reasoning with people and I see that as a more healthy and rewarding route if you manage to get the right friends who I'm sure are out there, but I don't like sharing any personal sides of myself and a piece of the friendly side of me dies if people fail me after I've tried. I haven't been diagnosed officially but I'm sure I'm paranoid. 
I find I can make a few friends anywhere I am but they usually choose me and not the other way. However I've never been able to make friends online except one that had serious dependency issues and I had to cut her off, and another who never wants to add depth to our relationship.


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## SteveAloud

Hi...I'm a 35 year old male, going through similar circumstances. I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends. Even when i first started school, i never fitted in. I was always the outsider. Other children used to bully me...and i retreated into a world of my own. I did eventually make a couple of friends. But they were always the uncool kids. Fellow misfits! 
When i got to around 13...the bullying seemed to get worse. Other kids used to skit me, over my ginger hair and glasses. I still managed to maintain 2 friendships, with other social misfits. None of us ever had any interaction, with girls whatsoever. Basically all we obsessed about was horror films, and replica guns. As i got older, i
got into weightlifting. As i
got bigger and stronger, the bulling stopped. I still couldn't talk to girls though. 
I left school at 18. I still maintained one friendship. His name was Andy, and both of us were unemployed, for several months, after leaving school. Basically all we did, was walk his dog and watch films.
I drifted into dead end jobs. Van driving, shop work etc. I never made any new friends. In fact fellow employees thought i was eccentric.
After a recession i lost my job...and spent 9 years unemployed. I still saw my old school friend. But we still did our same routine, of dog walking and film watching.
I eventually got another job in 2000. Working nights in a petrol station. My friendship with Andy crumbled. He started going out less, he was obsessed with the internet. 
As i'm getting older i feel even more isolated. 
I basically go to work, sleep, watch dvd's and listen to music. I love heavy metal and pop. Metallica and Girls Aloud are my favs.
I recently started using the net. Joined various film and music forums. I chat to some people. But havn't made any strong friendships.
Although i've never been diagnosed. I think i may be mildly autistic and suffer anxiety issues. I'm very highly strung also.
I've probably bored you all to death. But thats basically my life. Sad..eh! Oh..i live with my mum to..


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## Flotsam31

*Similar Story*

I am really glad I have signed onto this forum, so many people with similar and worse, problems. The making of new friends is really difficult as I have lost touch with all my friends and longest girlfriend lasted about a month.

I also thought I was a lot older than most people here -28- but realise I'm not alone in that respect, I still have time to get a life. I do the same routine thing but have forced myself out recently, just walking around my local area or country walks on a weekend. I still don't engage with people though, next step is the coffee shop idea I have heard of, trying to strike up a conversation and whatnot. The problem is that most people have 'friended up' and are not all that keen on making new friends.

It's especially difficult to motivate myself to get out in the current freezing weather, got to go and pay a bill tomorrow that my dad usually does for me and I am bricking it a bit - I guess it's not just social/friend related circumstances that make me nervous then.

The only thing is try and hang on in there. Especially as for you thegreenpasture as I feel you and I are similar. Ages ago I thought if I just got away or died but realised I couldn't even do that because people rely on me and I 'can't afford' a social life.


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## Stargirl09

It sounds like you found the right place, you are welcome here and many of us, infact all of us feel more or less the same thats why we're here.


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## fictionz

Everyone who has SA seems to think they are alone in their situation, in the end they don't think anyone understands and that it doesn't seem to have an end, it keeps making them feel worse sometimes. 

I am one of them.

But after reading all this, how can anyone feel like they are alone?


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## letitrock

I'm in the same boat


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## Peter Attis

It's funny that this thread got bumped because it was the one that caused me to find this site.


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## swerdna014

This is amazing...what a world.


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## AshCash

I hate how I'm lonely you know without friends and such,but the more I am with people the more I just want to be alone.Oh well,lonliness isn't the worst thing ever and it doesn't last forever.


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## BeautifulGunStucknHolster

huh said:


> Yup...just another loner here. I enjoy my solitude most of the time. Some times it gets to me...but usually not.


Yeah same here. The most interesting part of my experience is that I've found how adaptable people can be. I'm very content with being a loner with no friends. I will run into painful negative thoughts maybe every 2 days though; but I have things to occupy, I have goals and LUCKILY i'm getting by right now.


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## FoxLuvr72

I'm in the same situation as you. I know just how you feel.


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## djr86

I can relate to you. Some things I suggest in order to get you out is to maybe join a group that interests you, maybe taking a course at a community college (not for academic purposes, but for recreational purposes); join a church, if you're religious; check out your local parks and recreation department to find out about various events (my area offers things like tennis lessons and other community activities.


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## djr86

Anxiety75 said:


> I don't like to be alone all the time. But I love the freedom it gives me. I really prefer to be alone but when I am really depressed I feel very alone and wished there were people to talk with and be with. Other than that, I'd rather not spend large amounts of time with people. I'm too tense for that.


I feel the same way...I don't mind being alone, and even enjoy the freedom as well; however, I want the option of being with ppl too whenever I want. Unfortunately, I am alone more than I want to be.


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## antonina

djr86 said:


> I feel the same way...I don't mind being alone, and even enjoy the freedom as well; however, I want the option of being with ppl too whenever I want. Unfortunately, I am alone more than I want to be.


I agree with you about enjoying my solitude. I am an introvert and need time alone. What I want is to be able make some more friends and see them from time to time. Most of my friends have moved away or are overly involved in a relationship. I am frustrated by the fact that when I try to reach out it becomes a situation where people are forcing me to be something I'm not. Being an introvert is not a bad thing, only if it prevents you from doing things you want.


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## CFC309

WHy are there so many loners out there now a days? (BTW I"M A LONER ALSO so I'm not being judgemental...but maybe it's something). I hate being alone, yet evben when I ask friends to hang out it seems like no one reciprocates. Does anyone else feel that?


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## Want2Bconfident

Quite clearly the reason so many of us are 'loners' are because of how uncomfortable we feel around people and in social situations. Being alone is like when you can feel at ease and can relax. So whilst one remains socially anxious, we are bound to like our own space.

I think its sad that the term 'loner' seems to have such a negative perception attached to it. I mean its so easy in life to drift apart from friends or people split up with their partner or its hard to find a partner when everyone seems taken and you have no real social life to meet new people. Once you are by yourself and have no sort of social life or close friends to do things with, your options for getting out doing stuff becomes so limited. I mean all the things you'd love to do if you had a partner and seem so much fun are just so awkward doing by yourself. Things like going to a restaurant or going out having drinks or the cinema, etc is just not pleasant by oneself, you feel you stick out like a sore thumb and don't really belong there. Even things like going on a holiday, going for a walk, going to a concert or live events or something like going to the casino or bowling, etc - by yourself it just feels so awkward. 
I went walking by this lovely river in the summer by myself and one old lady walking my way looked scared out of her mind like I was going to mug her or something because I was walking by myself. 

I personally don't worry about being a loner right now, my aim is simply to overcome these SA issues and to be confident and then aim to make things happen in life.


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## gaz

CFC309 said:


> WHy are there so many loners out there now a days? (BTW I"M A LONER ALSO so I'm not being judgemental...but maybe it's something). I hate being alone, yet evben when I ask friends to hang out it seems like no one reciprocates. Does anyone else feel that?


I think that modern life has a lot to answer for; The internet, game systems, etc keepsmore people indoors and also people are worried about crime.


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## spacemanspiff

^
yeah i am on xbox live like everyday. If it wasn't for my friends on there I think I'd go crazy. Also no friends in town anymore. 

not worried about crime though. lol


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## whitetiger009

hmmm... Loners by choice are happy, i think you people should learn a bit from them.


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## Atari82

This is me, except im still 14 and still have time to overcome this god damn problem


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## Dairo

My lord. These responses brought a damn tear to my eye. I feel so sorry for you people. A girl who is 18 that has never kissed a boy, another who is 24 years old and has never had a girlfriend never experienced sex and I only read the first page. I thought my life was bad and I'm a 22 year old chronic alcoholic. This has changed my perception on how I view life 10 fold. I hate to say this.... but honestly you people should start to drink... maybe heavily, it gives you (well me) a great boost of self confidence and maybe it would be a lot easier to socialize. Another thing is... which I have learned, just follow the crowd at times. I like odd things myself movie wise and reading wise and hate normal boring movies like Transformers and Twilight, but most people (girls in general) like those kind of things, I've learned to just pretend and not say I hate them and ****, it works for me. Also a sense of style always helps. Don't wear short tight pants and a rainbow of colors. Go shop at Aeropostale or Old navy or wherever just try and present yourself a little better. Also everybody loves an aura of confidence (especially women) even if you're faking it, women LOVE confidence. Smile alot blah blah, it's not really that hard but from the things I have read on here it can be. Friends are overrated, all you need is love. Find a girlfriend or boyfriend that loves you and you will find this part of yourself that I cannot explain, it's the best feeling in the world. I hope this helps... good luck to you all.


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## gaz

That's ridiculous Dario, You are basically condoning alcoholism which i hardly think is good!


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## MrShy

Agreed... alcohol is not the answer. Nor drugs. Trust me, I've been down that route and it only makes things worse. I'm 27 and have no friends. I have no social life. I work two jobs to occupy my time and the rest is spent on the internet or working on the car (and I can't even do that with the weather as cold as it is!).

I'm hoping maybe I can make some friends on here though. Online friends are still friends, right?


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## citizenerased1987

First of all loners are people who WANT to be alone. I have been called a 'loner' before and I swear I hate it. I dont want to be on my own and its frustrating that people dont get that.
I am stuck in a horrible position where I isolate myself ( for what ever ****ed up reason) and push away anyone who tries to get close. On the other hand the lonliness is absolutely soul destroying. I'll always be like this, i'm sure of that. I fit wasnt for the internet i dont know what i'd do. I have a severe lack of social life, again this is not by choice.

If i was free of sa and gad tomorrow i'd pack my bag and travel the world on my savings, i'd go skydiving and go to a chelsea game, hell i might even go to a bar or club but i wont because fear will dominate again. Life is too ****ing short to be afraid of not being liked :mum:mum:mum:mum:mum:mum


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## MrShy

citizenerased1987 said:


> If i was free of sa and gad tomorrow i'd pack my bag and travel the world on my savings, i'd go skydiving and go to a chelsea game, hell i might even go to a bar or club but i wont because fear will dominate again. Life is too ****ing short to be afraid of not being liked :mum:mum:mum:mum:mum:mum


I've always wanted to do that, SA or not. I get told it's too dangerous to travel the world single-handedly...how bad can it be?
I am travelling to Dublin next month for the rugby though


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## citizenerased1987

MrShy said:


> I've always wanted to do that, SA or not. I get told it's too dangerous to travel the world single-handedly...how bad can it be?
> I am travelling to Dublin next month for the rugby though


Its always been my dream to travel but the problem is I have no one to go with.

Enjoy the rugby, but expect to be beaten, sorry:boogie.


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## MrShy

citizenerased1987 said:


> Its always been my dream to travel but the problem is I have no one to go with.
> 
> Enjoy the rugby, but expect to be beaten, sorry:boogie.


I always have these crazy ideas about just getting up and going somewhere. Like the other day I was looking into the Staples to Naples drive, where you buy a car for a certain budget and have to get to Naples from England. I'd love to do that... but get put off by the lack of company. I think about doing a road trip through the USA... I've even gone to the extent of planning the whole route (yeah, sometimes I have just a little too much time on my hands!). My parents advise against it due to the danger aspect. And yeah, you are right - it just wouldn't be the same unless someone went along with you.

PS - Come on Wales


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## GooGav

*Breaking the speed of the sound of loneliness*

Hi,

I'm 31, and have been "on my own" since leaving home at 15. I've had very few friends and have not really gone out or done anything for all this time, apart from going to work and coming home from work. I've never gone anywhere for Christmas or New Years Eve, and my birthday is always by myself. I've grown used to my solitude, but sometimes it really hits home at how pointless and empty my life is.

I would dearly love to be able to have some company, have someone want to telephone me, knock on my door as they "were just passing" or have someone 'round to watch a DVD with or play cards. Anything! Saturday night is the hardest for me.

I am slowly conquering my anxieties and people at work say that I am confident, funny, affable and so on, but still no invitations arrive, and when I suggested going out for my 30th Birthday everyone was "busy", and things like that really knock your confidence, and you start to think that it must be you that people don't like.

However, I will not be defeated and I will try and solve this lonely life once and for all. Ironically, reading through these forums gives me comfort that I'm not really alone at all.

Here's to a happier future for us all...


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## CeilingStarer

GooGav said:


> Hi,
> I suggested going out for my 30th Birthday everyone was "busy", and things like that really knock your confidence, and you start to think that it must be you that people don't like.


Not necessarily. A hell of a lot of people just like to keep work withing the boundaries of the 9-5. Either they are loner types like us, or have their friendship group/family outside of work and can't be bothered extending it. They're just there to get their pay and go. Most people in my department are like that... everyone dodging the Xmas party etc.


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## yehey

*Breaking the loner life*

I understand your pain Googav. I am beginning to think that people dont like me either. Do you live in Canada? Are you close in Toronto? I think people who have social anxiety should stick together for a while. We can hang out as friends. I am straight dont mind if you are gay as long as you dont pull anything on me because I am homophobic.

I have been trying to beat this social anxiety too. I did not believe that I have social anxiety before but my migration to Canada is what developed shyness to social anxiety. I have a history of bullying and some violence when I was a new immigrant and I think thats what started all of this. I have taken martial arts to convinced myself that I was not the weakling that I used to be. I have built up confidence that way but I think I lack the social skills and the interesting personality that people look for on a person. That is the summary but here is the full story if you want.

I have always been a quiet, shy and behaved guy. I was bullyed throughout my younger days but when I got into highschool (grade seven to ten) my life became happier. I am not quite athletic and played a lot of video games but I have a few friends that are the same. Then my family migrated to Canada. I did not know anyone on school. I would consider the experience what you would have on your nightmares; monsters (bullies) and pure helplessness. I walk around the hallway being pushed around going to my class without knowing anyone. I also not very good at speaking english. One day, during pep rally, I walked towards home because I thought school was done. Then, three people approached me on the path on the creek. One asked for money but I didnt have any. So, he started pushing me while other two watch. I did not know what to do. I even said "please stop this". He punched me spat on me and almost thrown me to the creek. The fall could have been fatal if I landed bad because it is quite high. I think about 15 feet. That is when his friends tried to stop him.

We moved because of that incident. It also made me more agressive because I didnt want that to happen it again. I have some sort of friends which is of the same race as me but they really did not ask me out. Maybe because I refused to smoke weed with them and join their gang. So technically, I became a loner. They really not the type of people that I interacted back on my country.

My social anxiety grew worst after highschool. I hit rock bottom, no friends, working on factory and really depressed. I played a lot of video games just to pass the time and relieve the depression. I am also at the point where it is hard to make eye contact when talking because my eyes would get all teary if I do. I think it is because I used to cry a lot and in the effort to stop it I end up stimulating it. I got into college living as a loner. I didnt do very well on grades on highschool(60s average) but I decided to focus on my studies instead of trying to fit in. I get into college getting straight A's till the final semester except for the two B's from this one professor. I avoided people on college, eat lunch outside and spend most of my time studying on the library. I figured that I shouldnt waste time trying to fit in since I will end up failing anyways. Then I lost my mom to cancer on the 2nd year of my studies realized that life is short and started socializing again. I started playing soccer with some of my classmates even though I sucked. I thought I gained their friendsip but now they are not calling me now that school is done. One person also pretended to be my friend and used me to get good grades. So technically I am a loner again.

Now I am finished college technically. Just finishing my coop. There are people that wouldnt greet me back on the hallway at work when I see them. Even though I used to share tables with them at lunch maybe because I am not white. Anyways I just stop eating lunch at the cafeteria to avoid them and to not sit alone and instead eat at my car. I simply avoided these people because they are triggering my social anxiety again.

I talk to other people at work and even joke around them. My social anxiety is quite gone. Although at times, it will act up. I think I have beaten social anxiety against all odds. By forcing myself to talk to people. I am taking dance lessons to go to clubs by myself hoping to extend my social circles. I had never kissed a girl before and I am 24. So this is one of my solutions.

Here is how I think I have beaten social anxiety. It will be hard because you are alone but try to get into activities like other people are suggesting even though alone. I go swimming, take martial arts by myself. It will be hard but you gotta do it. People wouldnt want to be around you if you have no activities and are not exciting. Second, talk to people. I know it drains a lot of energy but you have to do it to make yourself comfortable. Its like touching a spider if you are scared of them. Go ask how was their weekend, what they did, ask them what it is like. People like to talk about themselves. Trust me. They do. After a while you can rest and retreat to yourself and then talk to people again when your ready again. Coffee might help because it stimulates your body and also raises your energy level and confidence but you will hit low energy once it effects subsides so be ready for it. You might get depressed. Maybe drink another coffee then when your home just rest. Keep doing it and hopefully you will conquer it. If you are around my area, we can meet up and I can help you.

I am technically a loner but I conquered my anxiety I think. There are times that I get really depressed because despite my best efforts and approaches I am still a loner. I admit that I drink just to fend off depression till I can have the time to just rest. I did drink when I was with my college friends and I loosen up but look they are not calling me. So alcohol is not really the solution. I am currently taking dance lessons and finishing my coop. I plan to jump to university and move out of home after college this coming september. My family is my only strength because I do not really have friends so I am kind of worried. But I have to do this, I am 24 and should move out. I havent given up yet. I hope at the end of this crazy ride, I can look back and laugh at this experience. If not maybe you will hear about me as the man who have gone insane. - Ralph


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## valley_girl1919

A job will help alot, even though its hard at first. You will gain confidence and make friends.


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## GooGav

CeilingStarer said:


> Not necessarily. A hell of a lot of people just like to keep work withing the boundaries of the 9-5. Either they are loner types like us, or have their friendship group/family outside of work and can't be bothered extending it. They're just there to get their pay and go. Most people in my department are like that... everyone dodging the Xmas party etc.


I think you're right, and that seems to be something I have to learn to accept and understand, in that it isn't about "me". I think there are also occasions when people just don't get on or have the same interests, and I need to learn that that is just how life goes and is again not just because it's "me". Cheers for your constructive comments.


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## jlotz123

AlienFromSomewhere said:


> A lot of us here are loners. You are not alone.


I only wish that were true for most of us. Even if you're around people all the time, you can still be lonely. It's one of the worst feelings a human can go through long term wise. Especially since we try to ignore it as if it's not really there, which makes it seem so bad once you realize it.


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## seva

Hey guys, first poster here long-ish time viewer. 

Before finding this thread (and website) I thought I was a freak of this world. 15 years of age and not going out at all. Then I read through this whole thread and felt really bad because there was I thinking that my life is worse than everyone elses only to find that I wasnt alone and some people were really struggling.

If you got time to read my story go ahead, im not going to force you too. I need to get this out anyway.

Looking back there was alot of factors that contributed to my form of SA now, I never noticed at the time and I regret it.

Well basically growing up I was made a joke of alot by my realtives and family. I dont know really why, I had a good upbringing. I looked normal and I was a ordinary happy child. When I just turned 7 I moved country. From London (where I was born) to the back arse of nowhere in Ireland where my mother grew up. It wasnt so bad back then, my Primary school was small. I had a few friends like everyone else. I made best friends with one (Who is one factor as mentioned above, more about him to come). He was quiet and really good lad and we hit it off really well.

My life continued like this, normal and good. Untill around the summer of 2007, I finished my final year in Primary school (12 in Ireland) and I was buzzing. However, my next door neighbour (and cousin) was 16, and had broke his 2 hips in March that year and was recovering. My mother said I should keep him company and I did. Me and my cousin really hit it off. For the rest of that summer I went to his house nearly every day and we did all sorts around the village. However my best friend never contacted me like the previous summers. 

I started Secondary school (Sort of like high school to you Americans  ) and only 2 others from my Primary school were in it with me. My Best friend and another girl. We hung around together for the first month or two. After that I noticed that we never seemed to talk alot anymore, despite making the same friends. This continued untill we totally didnt talk at all.

I had made aquaintences, but thats about it. My Best Friend had gained huge amounts of popularity due to being really talented at sports (Which I wouldnt mind but It was me who persuaded him to start playing). The following summer was where my SA began. A girl who had just moved in the summer before abused me on MSN with a girl from my Primary school (who used to be very shy and nice) and another girl which I didnt know. This rocked me. My cousin by now had recovered and didnt need me anymore.

That summer I mainly stayed at home playing my Playstation due to having nothing to do and not having the confidence after the MSN abuse. My 2nd year in Secondary school was a better one, I strengthend a few aquaitences to Friends. I dont think me and my Former best friend actually said a word to each other throughout the school year, he was living like a teenager should. Going out and having girlfriends. Whereas I had no confidence and never went out. I havent even kissed a girl yet! Like Ive been told that im quite good looking.

Last summer was the same, didnt go out and there was one point where I nearly committed suicide, only to back out at the last moment. My SA really kicked in. I was nervous to go out into town and do anything. And by now my parents had noticed me staying indoors and began to drop little hints about me being a loner. My sister didnt help either, she was always very popular in school. She went out drinking every weekend and she knew how teenagers should be. And she often would drop massive hints aswell, bringing in how I dont go out now and again. These really hurt me coming from my own family. But I had always been the figure of jokes from my realtives and family.

So here I am, half-way through my 3rd year. Which has been ok, I havent been subject to any jokes. Made stronger friendships (I like to thinks so, Great friends who dont want to even know you outside school :| ). My family have dropped bigger hints than ever, which really depresses me. 

And here I am, during a mid-term break and im spending another night on my computer. I could of wrote alot more things that contributed to my SA, but then ill be here all night and ive wrote enough already. Im so glad I found this forum, I thought I was alone. Im going to stay active here. I love whoever made this forum :clap :boogie. And if you read all that, well I would really like to thank you for reading it. I really feel better having written that and letting it out.


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## cemeterygates

When I was younger I didn't have any friends, but when I was 8 until 10 I was popular and it was awesome. Then they all moved on and my only friends are a few I've known for years. High school really made my SA worse, now I'm just feeling depressed and hate going every day. None of my friends or in my classes or lunch period and I feel alone. I almost never socialize outside of school. :dead


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## haikupoet

I'm told I am good looking. But it doesn't help, because girls look for personality and confidence, which I don't have when I'm anxious around girls. So you need to work on expressing your personality and gaining confidence. Get out and go up to girls, you've got nothing to lose but a lifetime of misery.


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## foremma

You have to be kind of agressive. Act over-interested in things your friend-candidate is saying. Talk about things they seem to be interested in. Laugh at things they say. Smile a lot. Compliment them. If anything about a potential activity comes up, be enthusiastic in suggesting that you do it together. For example, say the person you're talking to has never seen a certain movie. Say, "you've never seen that?! You have to see it! I'll have to show it to you sometime haha" and then just go from there....Idk. All I know is you can't make friends just by entirely passive conversation. You have to make some effort and show you're interested. Just don't go overboard or be entirely insincere lol. Idk, it's always worked for me. Just my two (long) cents haha.


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## CCS

I'll be a friend to all of you.

That is all I have to say on the matter.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

My mom just gave me a lecture on how "I really need to make friends down here." Forget the fact that I don't know _how _to make friends...they're not just going to drop out of the sky. :roll

My mom doesn't understand, and it seems like extroverted people in general don't. That's what sucks about our situation.


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## Rengoku

WintersTale said:


> My mom just gave me a lecture on how "I really need to make friends down here." Forget the fact that I don't know _how _to make friends...they're not just going to drop out of the sky. :roll
> 
> My mom doesn't understand, and it seems like extroverted people in general don't. That's what sucks about our situation.


My parents have been saying that for the past decade and I don't think they will ever understand.


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## Aspen1989

i feel the same way..


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## nycdude

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home.* It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone.* I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


Thats almost like me, i sometimes go the park with my bro and play some catch.


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## Amelia

lastexile said:


> ... in my free time I just exercise...


That's good. It's a hobby and an interest you could share with others. That could be a starting point. Exercise at the school gym sometimes? Join a public gym? Take up a sport? If you go running, for example, you could put up a notice on the school's notice-board saying you were looking for a running partner. Someone might respond. If you started running together, you wouldn't have to make much conversation anyway. Exercising with other people could be a way of easing into getting to know other people, chatting, etc.


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## dazednconfused

yeah im just like that. but i actually had some friends and a boyfriend in high school, but cant seem to find any in college, cant seem to get close to anyone


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## mcmuffinme

Definitely get a job. Even if you don't make friends it should help you feel more productive, which might make you feel better in general. I find when I have very little to do I am very unhappy. Challenge yourself, and most importantly, be patient with yourself


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## JustinC

Yeah I'm so frikkin lonely I want/need a dog lol


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## bunski

I was like you at your age too. and i was still a virgin and played computer games on my own all day rather than mixing with girls or guys, I was just reclusive and unaware of the world outside. Didnt even have the internet in those days!!
Looking back I was kind of grateful as I felt safe in my own world sheltered in way from the bad things in life like alcholism, drugs and promiscurity.

Then I got a job, a really good one, and it opened me up to a wealth of opportunities both career wise and socially. Went a bit crazy at the same time, but had to do all the things I had missed out on, was a little behind but soon caught up.


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## 1applehearts1

I am 20 now. the older i get, the harder it seems to make friends  hate it. i try so hard and just do not connect to anyone. i dont have the guts to ask people to hang out. i feel its too late. if im 20 and cannot learn how to make friends...how am i gonna ever have a social life? its been bothering me more and more. realizing everything i missed out on in high school. dances, parties, etc.


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## XxArmyofOnexX

Basically the same thing as OP, so I get where you're coming from. Never had any of that stuff either, and my life also feels like a looped track. Same **** different day.
Less hope / motivation as the days go by, don't know how much longer I can hold out.


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## Joe

is a pain in the *** anxiety really hate it but when you vent a bit you feel slightly better and more confident about typing on the forums. i felt like i typed really long stuff too (which i do) but now i dont really mind typing long stuff.


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## cinammon

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


Alot of what you are describing I have been through and I am 19 years older than you. At your age I would get a job, go to college, do volunteer work and join a church, that way you will meet more people, at least it will give you some exposure to some people. That is what I have done throughout the years and it has worked although it isn't easy. If you have cousins your age, try to hang out with them and meet people that way. The same thing for any friends that you have, meet people through them as well. It is hard on the weekends because most people have their own life and things going on especially if they are married and have children. It isn't easy but you do have an advantage because you are younger and things change from year to year, as you go through life, when you get a job, you might meet someone who you marry and have children, you might go to college, graduate, marry and have children, where you are right now is not where you end up if you take the steps now to change your life into one that you are achieving what you want in life.


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## OneTimed

I am in the same situation as many of you. I spend almost all my time by myself, but I don't really consider myself asocial. Even though I have SA and get nervous around new people, I feel the need for companionship. I want to have hope that things will change and get better, but I just don't really _believe_ they will. It really sucks imagining a life where you grow up without anyone else, but I guess that's just what some people have to accept. Feel lucky that you have the opportunity to learn and enjoy a lot of others things in life. Many people around the world (and throughout history) do not have this luxury, and have to struggle just to survive.

For what it's worth, it is kind of therapeutic to read through this thread. It makes me feel better to know that while I will most likely never meet any of you, we do share a common bond and we all know what it's like to live like this. I only hope that though this one part of our lives that is not satisfactory, we can find some way to enjoy life and cherish it.


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## nycdude

1applehearts1 said:


> I am 20 now. the older i get, the harder it seems to make friends  hate it. i try so hard and just do not connect to anyone. i dont have the guts to ask people to hang out. i feel its too late. if im 20 and cannot learn how to make friends...how am i gonna ever have a social life? its been bothering me more and more. realizing everything i missed out on in high school. dances, parties, etc.


I feel the same way, don't worry. I hope to meet some people once i start college this Fall. I don't want to finish college without having any friends. Life sucks right now for me, Its a really nice day outside today in NYC and i have nothing to do, don't have anyone to hang out with, having SA sucks.


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## fredbloggs02

There is a chatroom on here m8. It has helped me a lot. just scroll over the community button on the blue bar at the top of the screen, then scroll down to chat and there you go. 

I have no friends, no girlfriend, no job. I was a loner throughout the whole of high school as well so I know what it's like. I was the strange one noone knew what the deal was with. There's usually one of those in every year but it's a strange perspective to live from I can tell you. The funniest thing was I was the strange one in all the school teams. i never talked to anyone in the team either really. Just nodded every so often. People saw me as arrogant, aggressive, disturbed or just plain dopey. I don't think I'll ever understand how these labels apply to me really. when nothing speaks of nothing people make up an array of stupid answers I suppose.


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## Earth Angel

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


Similar situation here. I am surrounded by people at work, but I feel alone at all time..I mean like, if you say hi to people and they will say hi to you back. And that's it.

Similar to most stories that I read here, I used to have friends during my college days that I can talk to them at anytime.For instance, I could call them in the middle of the night just to share with them my girly problem, and we'll end up laughing or crying together. How I wish I could have those wonderful moments to be lasted forever. 

Life can be cruel indeed.. those sweetest memories have gone since they all got married or moved to another city..which is really hurt and I keep asking myself, am I the only one who is having this kind of problem. My friends right now are my family and our 5 cats.

Nonetheless, I agree with most of the forumers here- to found this thread by accident while we are depressingly thinking about being lonely and no life or friends, does makes us feel better somehow


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## jamessyy

See, i fell the same way as you do but its kinda worst since im just 13 and im in yr8. My friends have all spilt up for various reasons and im all left alone. I still have years of scholl life to go through unlike most of you which are already at work. I always planned to hang out at my friends place but its never gonna happen now, so i just spend time in the weekends in front of my computer or just daydream.


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## donavan

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


were r all like you and there are millions of others all around the world just like you cos you are living the life of a social phobic .

i used to be ashamed of the way i was and the way i lived and i thought i was the only one and that i was just odd or weird or had something wrong with me . but when i found out about social anxiety and realised that there were millions of people like me i realised i had nothing to be ashamed of.

have a look at the post about spencer pratta nd hiedi montag. those 2 are famous and their lives are broadcast on tv, they dont have any social issues yet they are both loners cos they have no friends apart from each other. the reason you are a loner is becasue when you are around other people you feel terribly uncomfortable therefore you avoid these situations. it makes sense for somebody to avoid things that dont feel good therefore you have nothing to be ashamed of. even people you feel good in social situations and you love socializing can still be loners (hiedi montag and spencer pratt).

a lot of social phobics including myself do not desire to be alone. we actually want to be around other people but we choose not to cos we feel awkward around others. their are some genuine introverts out there who actually want to be alone but just becasue you are a loner doesnt nessecarily mean that you are introverted or that you like being alone


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## donavan

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


if i were you id definately read gillian butlers book overcoming shyness and social anxiety. this will give you a clear understanding of Social anxiety and why you are the way you are


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## gck86

*re :Loner, no friends, no social life*

lastexile we are the same.You and me same age and having the same problem.


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## iuseings

It's nice to hear/read people taking this serious and compassionatly rather then met with hostility and ridicule alike it might be if spoken about in our daily lifes. 
*raises hand* <--- Very hard to do in classes but I can raise it high here.
I've been the same way all my life... a loner. I don't want to be alone... but it's my way of relieving the anxiousness I have in social situations. No one can handle stress for too long...
I guess being alone is like a drug that fixes the immediate symptoms but has negative long-term effects.


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## SApharmstudent

OP, I'm glad you made this thread. Don't worry, I am just like you. My 23rd bday is coming up. And I'm starting to get tired of being alone on my free time. I want to meet people. Or just have a very small close circle of buddies that understand me. I think I'm a pretty nice guy too. But it's so hard to find a girl that understands. Well, I'm going to start grad school soon. Hopefully things change for me. I'm glad I found this site. It makes me feel less alone. Good luck to you and everyone here.


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## cheick92

Mc Borg said:


> :ditto


im the same way, i mean when i was real young i was very outgoing funny and had lots of friends, but as my teenage life began, i became awkward and socially inept. at first i tried to fix the problem but i was unsuccessful, and now i gave up. All i do now is tv internet and home.
I have no life.

my advice is to join a sports team, i used to be on a soccer team which helped me socialize a bit even tough i didn't develop any real friendship with anyone.


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## SociallyInferrior

I remember being outgoing and making friends easily through elementary school, even in middle school lets say at 6th grade but then after that something in me just collapsed. Maybe it was the fact that the friends that I had betrayed me and started bullying me through 7th grade and I think that's what really made me shut down socially. In 8th grade i remember having two close friends we were at times inseperable but that changed when we went to high school we never kept in contact and we got into different schools.

High school was the loneliest for me I made a couple friends but never made an effort to stay in contact with them. That messed me up to this very day I regret it everyday of my life, even though if I was put back in that situation I think I would of done the same thing becuase of who I am. If only people could understand what we go through then maybe they would try to help us and not push us away.


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## howard26

Yeah, i was doing pretty good until high school also. Well, probably a little earlier i felt that my friends changed, and i couldn't relate. The gap just got wider from there. It was small things that added up like, laughing at me instead of with me, not noticing me while with a pack of popular guys, trying to pretend you didn't see me in the hall. Oh okay, i get it - it's like that now, huh? I think what still bothers me today is when a childhood best friend turned on me during an easter break to biloxi. He challenged me, and made a move on my girl. I couldn't believe it. I don't talk to him to this day. My other friend? tried to poke my girl's little sister in the motel. He told me that i saw wrong. He now tries to pretend that he doesn't remember. I don't see him much. Even though our hormones were raging at that time, i still feel that it was a line that shouldn't have been crossed, and i would've accepted an apology , but that won't happen.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses

Yeah, its sounds just like my life. I am a loner, but I try to stay optimistic about things. The best way to start making friend is online or try to find someone who has similar interest as you. This tends to make it easier to make friends.


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## AnonymousKid

Hey I just came across this thread from searching the internet. I'm an upcoming junior in high school and I completely connect with most of you guys, especially the OP. I'm an average teenager who's used to going to school and straight back home because there's not much else to do. I don't believe or feel that I have a social anxiety, nor do I prefer the feeling of loneliness. I have a few close friends but other than that, I don't do much.

As I am in my 3rd and second to last year of high school, I'd like to make things matter and quit wasting time but I just don't understand. Anybody else in a similar position?


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## kakashisensei

Im sorry to hear of your troubles. It must be painful for you to be alone, but hang in there mate - i'm sure someone special will come your way. Just be positive.


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## Reptillian

Having no friends at all or having very little social life isn't much a problem itself, but it can be a problem if you're dissatisfied with it. I'm a full loner who couldn't give a care about social life myself coming into a different conclusion.


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## TyroneSmith

Im in the same situation as all of u guys. I actually had friends in high school and occassionally went out, but for some reason it stopped back in yr 7/8. 

I still got all of my friends on facebook and when u look at their pics of them enjoying themselves during the weekend, u start thinking that could've been me. I'd do anything to go back and change the situation and make myself more social and fun to hang around with.

But i can't go back to the past and change things, i have to live with this feeling for the rest of my life, cos i will never get my teenage social life back. It's gone and i have myself to blame.

I also go to university and i have a lot of friends but i just don't hang out with them. I don't know how to go about it. I sometimes feel that i wouldn't know how to hang out with these people since their social life may be extreme and they have done these things for soo many years (I am 21 btw). 

I hope things change but i realise now, its up to me to make that change and im looking for a job now and before uni ends ill try to hang out with some people, but its a daunting task since i don't know how to start.


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## xxkaijuxx

I deal with the same thing. I work 4 nights a week, come home, read, watch movies/some tv, surf the net.. Socializing means drinking where I live because there isn't much else to do, so I stay away from that now. I have many times gone to the movies alone and places alone, that has never been weird to me. I do most things alone, always have. I have no clue how to make friends. Have tried, but I never maintain real friendships. Seems everyone has established friends and I am just not able to become part of any circle. Been told I am "unapproachable", that made me feel even more hopeless.


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## Ewan

Your lucky I can't even go to school with my problem it's fucn ****


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## CraftyCakes

Wow-I understand. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is my best friend and a sister and mom who I am very close with. I just wish I had girlfriends to hang out with casually-go get coffee, shop, chat on the phone, go walking. I get jealous when I see other women with close friends. My best friend lives many states away and I just wish I could have a local friend who really understood me. I can't make friends for the life of me.


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## kitki

I can really relate to you. When I feel like going out to do something, I search my phonebook to see who I can call. But by doing that I only find that there isnt anyone that I can call or to talk to. I have aquaintances.....but not anyone that I can call friends. I feel people just don't really like to hang out with me.


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## VeggieGirl

Yup agree with everything everyone has said in this thread!


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## shaniamc

in this you are saying how you live your life day to day and how you are, when i was reading it, it was like reading about my own llife. work for word apart from college you have described my life in detail, i didnt think anyone went true the same or felt the same as me


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## AHolivier

I live with my parents and siblings and I'm really close, but as far as friends my age go, there's no one. Like many of you mentioned, I don't know where to begin when it comes to making friends. I'm so used to being by myself that I begin to miss it when I do come in contact with others. 
You know, I have never experienced what folks call "a girl's night out". I have never been to dinner with a group of girls or went to the movies with friends. I don't drink, so I don't party and go bar hopping. I feel so out of touch with the world.


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## Supremacia

I wouldn't call myself a loner, but I do prefer my own company the majority of the time.


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## Rosabelle Evangeline

It makes me so sad reading all of your posts. I am not to the point of Social Anxiety yet, but I feel like I'm heading down that road, even though I'm only 16. A few months ago, I had friends. Lots of them. Ones I could hang out with after school and on weekends and go places together. But since I've moved to a completely strange place, where people form cliques and are not interested in making new friends, I'm an oficial loner now. I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life when I begged my parents to move here. At my old school, even though I had a great social life, I felt like my academic life wasn't going anywhere because that school was a complete joke, seriously. I begged my family to move here, and they agreed since my brother is going to go into high school and they don't want him to go to that crappy school I went to. Now, I wish I could turn back the clock. Ever since I moved, I haven't kept in touch with any of my close friends. They're all too busy for me. We used to be this huge group that did everything together. But it's no surprise that they don't miss me since they still have everyone else. Now, I see these updates on facebook with pictures of all of them together, and I just want to cry. I've been here for 2 months, and I have made aquaintances at my new school, but they're just that, aquaintances. Once or twice, I would really think that I've made a real friend. But turns out they got better friends of their own and they were only with me because they didn't have anyone else in that particular situation. I just wish they would accept me. I wish I could have my friends back. I wish I had a social life again....


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## lolcatz

aw man...you guys. :-(

That's why I'm glad I came here. I'm not SA, and I do have a normal social life. I just hope that my input will help you guys out in making friends & socializing.

You guys are here, so you've got a GREAT resource to tackle your problems. Don't give up.


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## JayC123

wow... there are so many of us here, and we are so alike too...

I think the reasons people like us end up with SA is because we are too sensative... i am, and im a guy, its not nice. I get easily offended, and im also a nice, likeable, good looking teen, but people just seem to hate me, and want to bully me.. i get stared at constantly like im some sort of freak... getting on a bus is a nightmare.

I cant believe ive ended up like this.. i used to be so popular, extroverted, and happy, with many freinds, but now since my teenage years, my personality has disapeared, and its gotten to the stage where i dont care about anything anymore, i have no interests in anything, ive given up trying to change now. 

I come from a family of introverted, shy, alcholic, paranoid schizophrenics, on both sides of family. But even though all that sounds so bad, the people in my family are the nicest people you could meet... do anything for anyone, maybe thas the problem..

We are sensative, we dont like violence. Yet people seem the need to bully me. Ive not been bullied for a while now, but when it happens you never forget. It brings tears to my eyes with some of people experiances in here, like the guy who has to go to his car to eat lunch at work because of his cruel work mates...


Why bully us? why not befreind us, help us? We are not wierd, we are just very shy, and sensative. They dont know what its like to get up everyday, and suddenly get the feeling of dread, worry, stress just because we have to go to school/work to be made fun of, or just suffer from the loniless and stress of SA. Life should be fun. But most of us here i think, its like a punishment.

I show physical signs of my SA, i look dradful at the moment, its because of the constant stress, and worry. These two things i shouldnt have at my age. No matter how hard i try to look healthy and good, i look ill, and now suffering chest pains

I will continue though, i will not foolishly try to end my life, its not fair on my family.

God bless you all!


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## hwrcwby81

I read your post and thought I would share a little about my self. Im 28 and I dont have any friends. It bothers me on and off. Some days Im ok with it, other days I get lonely. I wish I had friends. I have never understood why people were not attracted to me. I am very personable and outgoing, I consider my self to be funny and not to sound conceded, I find myself to be good looking. I find it hard to build relationships with people. In high school, I was considered popular, yet, spent almost every Friday night and Saturday by my self. To this day, I spend almost every night by myself, I go to the movies by my self, I go to the mall by my self, I go out to eat by my self. I have a great job, I own 2 Ferrari's and can be anywhere in the world doing anyting I wanted to right now and still, have not one person to share that with. 

I have 200+ friends on Face Book yet no one ever writes on my wall. Its almost like Im not here. I dont drink alcohol, so that limits me from the bar scene and I am not a dancer so I dont hang out at the clubs. Anyways, to say the least, I am your typical deffinition of a Loser. I know people in which I consider no different then myself, only they have huge flocks of freinds and seem to always get invited to everything and everyone wants to be friends with them. It upsets me alot because I feel that there is no difference between that person and my self. 

Ive been thinking alot lately about moving from Dallas to another state in search of another life, where I can start over or at least be the person I have wanted to be. Its hard because I know the results will probably be consistant with the results I have had in Dallas. Anyways, I am not trying to bore you with my story, I know there is no plot nor a conclusion, but I wanted you to know my story and hopefully you will know that there is other people out there that share your same suituation. I guess some people are made to be popular and have a surplus of freinds and others live out there live as one. 

cheers


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## stargazer8

Wow, reading a lot of these posts did make me feel better about myself. I'm almost 31 with no friends and no job. I'm lucky that I'm married. Without my husband I'd probably be homeless or dead.

I have 149 friends on Facebook and none of them interact with me. Almost no one ever writes on my wall. I try to interact with others sometimes but it doesn't work. I don't know why people aren't interested in me. It's hard to see the photos on Facebook of my "friends" with their friends. I have no one else in my pictures except for family photos. Since there are so many photos of myself, people have actually thought that I'm really vain. But it's only because I have no friends to take photos of!


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## theEscapist

I'm alone all the time too. My upbringing didn't really provide me with the tools to interact with other 'real' people. Guess I'll just have to come to terms with the fact of my self-imposed isolation. :sus


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd

I am a huge loner! I'm the guy who never goes to university classes and when he does, sits in the back with 4 chairs in between him in the next person. In labs I always have to go and find a partner or partners because I never have a friend in the lab and no one approaches me. Weekends I stay home while my parents or my sister and boyfriend hate me because they never have the house to themselves. Have no friends (online or irl) or gf (you can't call yourself a loner if you have a significant other). 

Loner4Life! <---- god i hope not


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## JupiterStarr

To all of the women especially that are loners, how did you manage to get husbands? I'm so lonely I would be so much happier if I could just get into a relationship. I'm really hating my life right now.


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## SApharmstudent

It seems that almost everyone here is so similar, by one way or another. I think we all can be each other's friends. 
For a long time, I always thought I was the only person with these feelings. But now, it's good to know that there are so many of us out there. 
I just started making the effort in working on my SA, so I know how you all feel. I think by just having someone to talk to, or someone to just listen to you, is therapeutic already. I've never done this before, but if any of you guys want, you can go ahead and add me on facebook. Just tell me that you are from SAS. Hope to hear from any of you and good luck.

(EDIT: Just PM me if you want my fb link)


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## bvmaster

I have only had a few real friends in my life through elmentary/middle school and up until senior year of HS. In the past couple of yers I've been a full blown loner with aquanences along the way. It was exciting at first going into college because everyhting was new and it was a clean slate. But the weeks tunred into months and nths without developing a social life and I kept telling myself things would get better. 

I can sit here a throw out all kinds of excuses for why I ahvent made a social life (community college outisde of region i went to HS, commuting to school, bad classes etc.) but it all comes down to the inner self. 

My life right know is like everyone in this forum sleep-work-computer/tv. No fun in a long time!! Really sucks.


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## Ready To Freak Out

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


The chatroom here has been taken over by speed addicts. Start slow with the forums before exposing yourself to that insanity.


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## Darren07

Hey man, you're not alone! (I guess that's not saying much or it's pretty obvious coming from this site) But even more so, I can relate to you specifically:

I'm 21 years old right now, got about one year left in college (undergrad). Things are pretty rough because at my age I've never had a girlfriend. People, especially family, always inquire as to why I don't date; "You're a good-looking guy, go get a girlfriend!" I've tried and let's just say I've failed..consistently. There's clearly something wrong with me if I cant do what every other guy in the world finds simple. This is almost always the source of my depression..pushing me so close to the end but for some reason I continue ot hold out hope.:roll 

Despite my social awkwardness I consider myself a friendly guy and yearn for friendship, but up to this point trying to make friends has been a futile effort. From elementary school to college, no matter how many clubs I've joined or people I tried to befriend in class, or even ask to hang out...it never pans out. I've had a lot of people turn their backs on me or use me throughout the years so its hard for me to trust people...and for that I'm now getting to the point where I say **** it...I can't make friends. I'm also noticing that the more time I spend alone the more awkward and anxiety-provoking social situations are. 

I hope I'm not being naive when I tell myself things will get better. That's definitely the only thing keeping me alive right now...:|


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## Djdemic

I'm not really a loner cause I have friends but not close enough to be bros. I have 2 really close friends we know everythin about each other. My one friend I knew since grade.2 and I'm in 11 right now. And the other I met in grade.5 . Ever since then I've never really made close buddies that I would hang outside of school with. I have many times with others but after my anxiety has kicked in about 6 monthes ago, I've rarely gone outside and I accually dropped out of highschool cause I started skipping so much cause I didn't have friends at my school. My close buddy goes to another highschool and is a grade higher than me. I skip and go to the shopping center near y house and hang around alone walkig around. I could acually enjoy time by myself gouge for pizza, stopping at the bookstore, going wifi on my iPod and visiting this ste. Having asmoke once and a while. I went to morning classes and after lunch time I'd head to the shopping center so every weekday I'd be alone walking around for ove three hours. Now me and my parents had to meet the principle and unfortunatle I've been expelled and no longer allowed to attend this school anymore . For over 2 monthes I've been staying home. It's really comfortable but if I keep this up, what will I do in the füture? A career? My SAD will get worse if I'm isolated? I need to pickup my life. The positive side is that I enjoy playing music as a guitarist for 6 years and drummer for 1 . I jam and play wig people from church. The people at church seem to enjoy my presence but I dint feel pike they are my crowd.. Like when they want to hangout , I'd rather stay home and play world of Warcraft (massive multiplayer game) . This is not good.. My 2 close buddies also play this game with me and they are the ones who accually got me into it. If you dot have much to do in your life like hobbies and suh, this game can take over your life very quickly. I've had numerous days when I'd sit on the compter all day and just take eating and bio breaks. I dnt mind where my life is going but I still wrry what my future will look like. I only enjoy being in company wig my close buddies which I consider my bros. So I'm not complete alone in this world like many others on this site. But I do really feel sorry for them but maybe when I'm 20 and older I'll become like them because my close friend is going to a university in Montreal which means I'll ne'er see him again unless I visit or he does. So basically i will have no one. Should I force myself to hang with the Christians at my church? I recently got baptized like 4 monthes ago but haven prayed once alone and barely attend church. One time after around 2 monthes after my anxiety kicked in, the church youth group and I took a trip to Edmonton for a yc generation gathering with other Christians. This was literally the first timei was forced Ina sociall setting for 3 days . Thus I did. Know how to act in that woial setting , for some weird reason not knowing how to eye contacT and where to look it was really weird.. I'm 100 percent strait but the guys there have caught me looking a their asses and j diet even know myself it was like my eyes were going there at time very uncomfortablely . J think my kind was recovering from that veg bad experience from smoking. Weed too muchtht one night T my own party. It's a long stoy and I have another thread about that story. Anyways I kept having thougts that eveyone on the trip thought I was gay. This was the first time I started getting paranoid but was it just my mind?


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## chinatownbus

I am in my mid-20s have no social life, no close friends and no girlfriend. It bothers me that I am so isolated a lot of the time but my anxiety prevents me from going out and doing things with people, it is just too painful. 

I can relate to so many people on this thread. I was bullied starting around my pre-teen years and into high school, I was always basically a quiet shy kid and people tended to ignore me.

Not having a social life and being so socially anxious / shy has made life difficult to say the least, I have struggled in school and jobs because I have a hard time relating to people and feeling comfortable in public.

I am working on exposing myself to more social situations so that I am not such a loner with no life. I have been going to "safe" environments such as Social Anxiety support groups and Emotions Anonymous and trying to feel more comfortable and talk to people, so far it has been working.

I am glad the OP started this thread and the people that have posted on here because I can identify so much.


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## SapphireLeo

Something tells me you're not alone anymore  Welcome to the forum!


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## ilsr

Very good thread. It's almost a confession line without judgement. Just my opinion. I may be off base. I'm in my mid 30's. Been out of a job for months now. 

If anyone has any advise on night jobs or security guard type jobs, I'd appreciate some advice PM'd or otherwise. I can't do the office thing anymore. Like others have said, was backstabbed so many times and demoted and career stymied by other jealous and selfish people. It stinks that manufacturing is gone in the U.S.. Some of us SA people could have done that. I tried to be fair and helpful in the office job. Ended up just being taken advantage of and made a gopher plus targeted disrespect from most of my coworkers every day especially the last year.

1.7 people die per second. In the third world, AIDS is rampant. Gays in the U.S. account only 15% or so of all AIDS cases in the world. Something like 53 million people die each year. 6.5 billion people on the planet. So maybe a lot of us here with SA are more fortunate than much of the world for some consolation. 

But life is horrible and doesn't feel worth living when most every interaction with other humans continue to be daily bad experiences. 
I am just ranting and pretty down now. Even if I was happy, people who don't like would try to cut me down because they still want to rub it in my face that there's something wrong with me thus inferior.

As for computer games, I'm too depressed and ashamed of myself to play for long. I can't concentrate on my career and improving job skills. These games continue too much instant gratification brainwashing and doesn't help one develop their own imagination and mental expansion. It's someone else's story and fantasy world. In short, I wasted too much of my life on games and regret it. just ranting on that.

As for friends. Even if I did make some friends (rare), if they stopped respecting me, I couldn't handle it and then I became a loner again. Sometimes it works out for a while, then the friendship becomes screwed up. Not even sure if there's any subgroup of type of people I can even get along with anymore. pleasant acquaintances or work friends can quickly become enmities. To comment with everyone else here.


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## joshhah80

*not quite a loner but...*

i guess like many who've replied here... I too seem like a loner to others but inside, that's not what i really prefer. I mean sure at every new job I'll join some regular lunch 'friends' (colleagues) but that's about it... we just have lunch together and I'll be there quietly having lunch and the rest of 'em will be having some discussion about something which not so surprisingly I'm not even aware of.


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## inception

methinks friends aint good for nothing.
We gotta be our own pals


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## pjb77

I'm a loner. No friends. Not even any maybe/sort of/kind of/they don't count due to this or that. Well I have a dog but he has cancer now 

I had a gf who was my bf but she is gone. I've been like this for 13 years at least. I wouldn't know what to do with a friend. Play pool maybe? lol


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## Blujay13

It's good that you've joined this website. I just did and I can't tell you how amazingly comforting it is to feel not alone. That hundreds of other people are dealing with the same issues I do everyday. That people just like you are fighting the same battle. No matter how severe or slight your SA is, you're not alone and there will always be someone here to support you. Don't feel like you're weird. Yes, every one of us is "different" on this website but if you don't like to go out thats perfectly fine. It's not your fault. Some of us are just chosen to be diagnosed with this dreadful condition. Just remember, you're NOT alone. You never will be.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I am definitely a loner. I go to rock concerts and movies alone, not because I enjoy it, but because I have nobody to go with.


----------



## Gabby

Yeah, I'm definitely a loner. Not by choice, of course. X_x and throughout my life I never seemed to have more than one friend at a time. :/ right now, none. my last best friend hates me now because im "immature". (I like to joke around to make myself feel less nervous. Didnt work on her after a while, I guess. She was always yelling at me anyway so im glad were not friends anymore >D)

I know my life is quite good. I mean I live in a house and am not poor... but my life still doesn't _feel_ great.

I've only had one "relationship"... if you can even call it that. We met online in April. He lived in England, faaarrr away. We were planning to meet this summer. I'm a very patient person and am able to wait, but he wasn't. Eventually he cut himself off from me because he _couldn't take it anymore._ >_> I know the real reason was because he never thought of me in that way at all... he said so himself..
We lasted half a year, which is pretty long for a teenager. But still, I sometimes feel like I wasn't good enough to keep it going.
...I'm doomed. X_X


----------



## cdits01

soundlessenigma said:


> Yes you've written my life story as well. It's like, why should I try living if I can't ever make friends?


SAME HERE! i mean i want to live .. but at the same time i worry so much about my future and being on my own without friends that I think .. how will i get a boyfriend .. how will i have girl nights .. have people to call except my family, ya know? and it gets old always talking to your family.


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## JayC123

Over the last couple of months i forced my self to join the princes trust programme, developed by prince charles, and it was setup to help young people who are finding life difficult. They help you build confidence etc... Im 19, and i was almost sick with stress and worry about the whole thing. It was a 13 week programme, and for one of the weeks we went on residential for a week, and it was basically a team building, and challenge vacation. I couldnt believe i went on it, i have never been away from home lol but the reason i got through it was because of all the people on the course, and guess what? theywere all like you guys in this very thread. They suffer anxiety disorders, and other mental illnessess, some are on strong medication just to get through the day, and you know what, they were the best group of people i have ever met! they were all around my age, youngest was 16, and the oldest 23. There was girls, and guys, very good looking girls indeed lol


And everyone of them was like me, very shy, very anxious, and most of them nearly as good looking as me lol j/k 

Now why did we click? (ive never been able to click with anyone my age like this) hence no freinds, but these people, we shared stories, and we could relate. I met one guy whos personal life almost mirrored mine, he comes from a family of shy, and his mum suffers from schizoprenia like mine, and the stories were shockingly simular!

Im not a conversationalist, but i found my self conversing for hours with these people, i couldnt believe it, and in no time, i felt like i belonged in this group. We got on together very well, and after the residential, which is in week 2 of the 13 week programme, we went on to do things i never could dream of doing!

One week we had to go and fundraise at a large super market, and we had to BAG PACK! Now if you are like me, you avoid super markets at all cost, but for this, i had not only gone into the super market, but i also had to stand at the ckeckouts in front of a HUGE number of people with my fundraising box for 5 hours!! i cannot believe i didnt run out the supermarket lol but i managed, it was very difficult, and god knows what my face looked like! some people must of got a little worried as they prefered to pack their own bags lol but most people were nice people, and they let me pack their bags and they gave me some money. btw ive never packed a bag in my whole life, so imagine me with my shaking hands accidently putting heavy stuff on soft stuff in the bags lol i soon learned though thanks to some rude people!


It was awful, but i did it! we raised £500!

The money was for a community project that we had to do, we picked a comminity centre that was very old, and needed much work doing to it. I like physical work, even though i dont exercise, and i soon got stuck into the tasks! I felt great after the week was over and we finished the task, the old owner was so happy and grateful! we had to end the challenge with a SPEECH! and i somehow managed to get through that, although a few people refused to do it because of their SA.


I could go on and on, but i think i got my point across!

I am just like you guys, but i forced my self to do this, and im so glad i did, and i would recommend you take part in something like this guys, its so worth it. You wont be mixing with many people who are not like you, most of you will be alike and come from simular backgrounds! you are all there for the same reasons remember!


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## Brianiscool

I just wish I had discovered this site in high school.


----------



## Sonoma

No exception here! I am a loner, no friends, no social life. Mostly by choice but I am still a human and feel the need for social activity. Even if I dont like the acutal thought of being with others. 
I dislike even being here but still here I am posting something inmate revelation in public because of this drive to others that no one can deny. You guys suck


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## Antis

Tick/tick/tick

May I join the club??  I've concluded I do it by choice. Very irritatin, I rejected an acquantence today, we were walking home, it was akward as hell so I just took a different route and said bye. It's SA that makes me do this....


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## mayhem

I love it because people is so so annoying!!! especially don't have nothing and wants to feed off you. I can't stand it. The thing that really is bothering me is that i can't find a mate that i really want or close to it and i am not even desperate anymore like i used too but not having a mate really sucks. Any girl on here wanna try me out?


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## CostaRican11

*I don't have a big social life either man. I am usually home all the time like yourself. It will get better keep positive. It isn't easy but you can do it.*


----------



## Poncho

Gabby said:


> I know my life is quite good. I mean I live in a house and am not poor... but my life still doesn't _feel_ great.


Me too. I'm happy that I'm not homeless, I have schooling, food on my table etc etc.

But I will admit. Having no friends at eighteen just sucks. Especially when its not by choice...


----------



## rctriplefresh5

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


dude you described me to a tee..only im 21.


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## recovery122

I don't know if i'm a loner or not?
I don't enjoy being alone most of the time. But, the thing is, i feel too restricted when people are around. I am able to do what the hell i like when i like, when alone, without interuption or interference.
Thing is, i live a lonely life because of my introverted personality. I don't really consider myself introverted all the time. If i feel in the mood, i like to go clubbing and being the center of attention etc. Only afterwards, it wears me out, and people get the idea that i am really talkative and entertaining 24/7 when all i won't to do is sit down on my *** and be left the **** alone.


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## rthao4

What if I've been Like this for such a long time that suicidal thoughts come to my mind? There's never one week when I don't think of suicide as a means of escaping, especially when I'm at school and I have those horrible 2 hour break in between classes and everyday I'm always alone. I always have the hood of my sweater up becuase I feel more comfortable becuse it feels as if I'm invisible. Alot of ppl think I am gay especially my "friends" because I don't talk to girls and because of my name and honestly I ****ing hate it when they say that. But really I've jsut been rejected and made fun of so many times that my social skills and confidence are lagging. Now I don't really have any people I could really call friends, I feel like everyone has raped the **** out of me, and then ****ed me over, cheated me, beat the living hell out of me, destroyed everyhting that I ahve ever loved and just left me. As time passes, and the sun rises and sets, I think to myself, when will it be the day where I can get enough confidence and stop being a ***** and end my life. The only place of solitude that I have is at home. I love coming home from a rough day of school to see my pitbull, happily wagging it's tail to come greet me and wanting to play. This is the only happiness that I can get in one day. I just hope tht if anyone is taking their time to read this that they can relate so that I don't feel so alone. Lonliness and depression is what caused me to be like this, so I do hope that you are doing better than me


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## rdp234

You know, it's that way for a lot of people. I don't know what you expect in life. You grow up, get a job, if you're lucky you meet someone. Sometimes you don't. You have to make the best of it. You think everyone else is so happy? It's not true. You have your freedom. Enjoy it. You're alive. Stop being so negative. Everything sounds good to me. It's really just a question of how you look at it. Believe it or not, there are people a lot worse off than you are.


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## dutchguy

I can relate to almost all of this.
I feel like my life is one big failure.

But on the other hand I think, Maybe I'ts logic I feel like a failure. Because I have stopped to do anything about it years ago. So what should I expect?!

I have gained a lot of more knowledge about how conqouring SA etc. But until now I don't do anything about it.

I'm worried about the future for me, also I recently begin to see that money is really important.

Also I feel like its all to late to change.

I miss a goal in life

Also I feel a lack of intelligence, my brain is slow, blanc.


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## rdp234

Life is not that complicated and sometimes it's not that great. It's what you make of it. You can be happy doing pretty much nothing or you can make yourself miserable. It's often a state of mind. You have to learn how to be more positive.


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## Camelleone

Reading all post above me, that's including mine stories too, all the time I always feel like I'm the only one who's alone, everyone surrounding me have close brother/sister, friends and all, 
as for me, my relatives do not really close to me, my brother is having some sickness, 
Thank God I have family and some friends to hang out with 1-2 weekends in a month, but my friends number just decreasing, 
-back then I don't really know why people just don't like me, like when I'm joining friends' church retreat, the other people didn't interested in talking to me, 
or at work, a person who's sharing his cookies to everyone on the room, he skipped me and not sharing to me, also at work, sometimes I even not asked to be involved in money gathering (for someone's wedding), I think am I being quiet and introvert makes you sick, so you all hurt me on purpose, stupid me for mind on all this small things. 

same on facebook, the photos I'm tagged in, wall post, friends req seems like the facebook is no longer active, and seeing all friends photos at facebook makes me more lonely, why they did'nt ask me to, 
I don't really like going out all alone, so if I can't meet up with my friends then I'll just stay home, I also have the life of work-home&internet. 
I really want to join some community, to improve my social skills, just don't know the community, I'll always pray and search (search on internet ?) I could find the community.


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## watashi

I'm the same way. Real life scares me.


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## SApharmstudent

rthao4 said:


> What if I've been Like this for such a long time that suicidal thoughts come to my mind? There's never one week when I don't think of suicide as a means of escaping, especially when I'm at school and I have those horrible 2 hour break in between classes and everyday I'm always alone. I always have the hood of my sweater up becuase I feel more comfortable becuse it feels as if I'm invisible. Alot of ppl think I am gay especially my "friends" because I don't talk to girls and because of my name and honestly I ****ing hate it when they say that. But really I've jsut been rejected and made fun of so many times that my social skills and confidence are lagging. Now I don't really have any people I could really call friends, I feel like everyone has raped the **** out of me, and then ****ed me over, cheated me, beat the living hell out of me, destroyed everyhting that I ahve ever loved and just left me. As time passes, and the sun rises and sets, I think to myself, when will it be the day where I can get enough confidence and stop being a ***** and end my life. The only place of solitude that I have is at home. I love coming home from a rough day of school to see my pitbull, happily wagging it's tail to come greet me and wanting to play. This is the only happiness that I can get in one day. I just hope tht if anyone is taking their time to read this that they can relate so that I don't feel so alone. Lonliness and depression is what caused me to be like this, so I do hope that you are doing better than me


First of all, realize that you're not alone. Everyone on this forum is like you, one way or another.

I'm not sure if I'm fit to give anyone advice, because I am still struggling with SA, and working on it. But, I'll just tell you what I always tell myself: Don't ever give up.

I think the biggest thing that is helping me so far is shifting your thoughts and attitudes - to one that's more positive. You probably hear it all the time, but try to actually practice it. You have to realize that it's not people or situations that make us angry/frustrated/anxious/unhappy/depressed. The biggest (and probably only) factor that affects our mood is our interpretation of people/situations. In other words, we make the decision to feel happy or not, and whether to let a situation affect you negatively or not. Before, I would use to beat myself up real bad for feeling anxious or not being able to speak up or whatever...now I try really hard to not be so hard on myself, and to forgive myself, and see the positive things that come out of it -- like hey, I'm glad I actually went to eat out, instead of staying home, even though I was sort of anxious during the whole time. Think POSITIVE! That's something I am working on too.

And remember, when we're in an emotional state, we often don't make rational decisions or choices. That is why you shouldn't act on anything when you're in that distorted state of mind. You don't ever want to do anything that you will regret in this life. If you're feeling real bad about something, wait for yourself to calm down. For me, I try to think about an event that caused me distress/anxiety after 2 weeks has passed, since by then, I will probably be more reasonable and calm.

Dogs are nice too, I love how my two poms are always happy, wagging their tails, and panting no matter what mood I come home with. That's another good thing. Find yourself things that make yourself happy, and do as much of it as possible.

Lastly rthao4, I would recommend you to take off your hoodie. I know it probably is hard, but it's part of exposure. The only way to defeat your fears is to confront them. When someone says something about you, try not to take it personal (it probably isn't), try to be more positive. If those ppl keep bothering you, I would suggest finding new ppl to hang around with that won't put u down. Again, that may be tough, but you gotta take yourself out of that negative black hole. If you practice a positive attitude, do things that make u happy, and surround yourself with positive ppl/things, I guarantee you that SA will never be a problem again. That's something that we can all do, even myself. Good luck to all of us.

And if anyone wants to friend me on fb, I'll be happy to do so. We can help each other too. Just PM me if interested.


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## faded flowers

Everything you just said is like exactly my life! Wow. Makes me feel good to know there is someone out there going through what i go through. Make me feel not so odd. Thank you.


----------



## stranger25

NO friends for 5 years+
NO relationships
BAD anxiety
LONELINESS
ISOLATION

5+ years

= emotionally destroyed


----------



## i just want luv

Never ever had anyone outside of my family wish me a happy birthday, or any holliday.
I never been accepted by anyone but myself and even that is shaky.
Im like a living walking nervous ghost just on cruise control till my time.

Loner since birth.


----------



## randomuser

Hey guys

Am really glad I found this forum. It's a friday night and I'm at the computer (yet again) trying to look up things to cheer me up. 

In high school I was a cool guy, I mean people knew me and I knew a sizable amount of people. When high school finished, I was excited to leave some of the idiots behind and find better friends in University. I had a girlfriend when I started University which was a HUGE mistake looking back on it now. I devoted most of my time skyping her and talking on the phone. 
After almost 3 years of being enrolled at 3 different post-secondary institutions (because of my average grades :/ ), I would say I've got one friend whose my best friend, and he is from high school! Apart from that there are some acquaintances, but some days the only people I talk to you are cashiers from the cafeteria. I just feel like I have wasted a lot of chances to make friends so whats the point anymore you know? I am fine with being alone, but sometimes I wish I had people to go out with, people that I am comfortable with. 

I guess the first step is always admitting there's a problem and trying to deal with it. 
Best of luck to everyone here.


----------



## rthao4

numero1 said:


> I'm 20, in college, never had a girlfriend. I am very social when it comes to a purpose that benefits me, like if a job required me to interact with people I would be able to do it, but as far as my personal life goes, I don't care about other people and I do not go out much with other people. One reason for that is that I am intellectually superior to over 95% of the population. I feel no one is worth my time. I do keep quiet in my classes even though I could answer questions that my professors have and sweep them off their feet. I know that my parents influenced me because they are very judgmental but they judge others based on physical characteristics rather than on intellect. I, on the other hand, judge people based on their intellect and I feel that anyone who is not at my intelligence level cannot be my friend.
> 
> Even though I am quiet in classes, I am not shy in other non-verbal manners. I do whatever makes me happy regardless of what others think. I practically sing along with my ipod and dance when I take public transportation.
> Also, when I come into my classroom, I could be sitting in the middle of a group of people who are talking amongst each other. Instead of talking to them, I'm sitting there and just listening to music and sometimes people do try to talk to me, but I just do my best to ignore them.
> 
> I sometimes have to take public transportation to campus, there might be people from my classroom taking the same bus or subway. If I sit down somewhere they may sometimes sit down right next to me and start talking and that pisses me off so much because I have no interest in talking to them. I would be listening to music and their need to talk to me would be interrupting which annoys the hell out of me. Other times, there are people from my classes who don't sit down next to me; even though that makes me extremely happy, I sometimes question why they don't sit next to me. is it because I am just socially awkward? I do also tend to sit in a seat by myself and do my best in preventing others from sitting there unless there are absolutely no seats left.
> 
> There is this one girl who I just noticed in my class who I thought I could talk to and possibly ask her out; however, as soon as she answered a question in class, I knew she wouldn't be worth my time. The first thought that went through my head was "damn, this b.itch is dumb"
> 
> When I do go out, to events such as basketball games, concerts held at school, and the movies and the mall, etc, I go by myself. Wherever I go I take my ipod with me, unless its a basketball game, the movies, or the concerts (duh!). If I go to the mall, I'm listening to my ipod. I listen to all kinds of music but the majority of my music consists of extreme gangsta rap because the violence makes me happy(thats weird). I do feel that if someone should ever try to do some harm to me, I will fight back very violently regardless of the consequences.
> 
> I do go out to the gym to workout and play basketball.
> 
> I do not worry about fitting in wherever I am. I dress in expensive clothes because doing so makes me happy. I have different outfits everyday and I do follow the latest styles.
> 
> As far as favorite movies, sports teams, music, I am open to everything and anything that would make me happy.
> 
> Anyways, thats just my story.
> 
> EDIT: I remember that during my high school years, I would just wander the halls by myself eating my lunch, listening to my ipod. Although, I played varsity basketball for 3 years (i quit my last year of high school) and lots of people knew who I was, I didn't associate with them, hell i dont even remember doing anything or going out with my teammates, I wouldn't even talk to some who happened to be in my classes.
> 
> 2nd EDIT: On weekends, I pretty much have the same routine: I go to the gym, play basketball, make money, do my homework, and the rest of the time is dedicated to things I do at home. I could be listening to music and watching sitcoms. Speaking of sitcoms, I absolutely LOVE to laugh, I could be on the subway or on the bus and if I am watching a funny sitcom I could start laughing by myself with my earbuds on.
> 
> OH and I read other people's posts and many with social anxiety seem to get along with their families, but guess what. I have never opened up to anyone in my life, including my parents. My parents never know how I am feeling, my siblings don't know anything about my life either. Throughout my lifetime (20 years), I have never had a conversation with my parents or my siblings that lasted longer than 20 seconds. Though my parents think I can't talk to people (or girls, hehe) they are wrong because I can keep a conversation but I just can't deal with people. I think about things which are extremely hard to comprehend and I have nothing other than those intellectual topics to talk to people about, besides my activities which I don't reveal to anyone. I realize that 95% of the population cannot comprehend advanced theories from fields such as physics, mathematics, philosophy, astrology, etc.


If u really act the way u do in ur post then why r u on this anyways? I mean it's fine to not want to talk some ppl cause some of them are pretty ****ing ignorant and arrogant but it seems like you had alot of ooportunities that I or alot of ppl here normally wouldn't have. I mean u bacaically could've had what everyone else on this site would've wanted, but maybe there's more to the way that u act those ppl than what ur saying, iono. It just doesn't really make sense.


----------



## daniel1989

It sucks I've always been a loner (on and off again since I was about 13) I want friends and a social life I like people I try to make friends with people and after a while I just feel invisible and they forget all about you.


----------



## rthao4

SApharmstudent said:


> First of all, realize that you're not alone. Everyone on this forum is like you, one way or another.
> 
> I'm not sure if I'm fit to give anyone advice, because I am still struggling with SA, and working on it. But, I'll just tell you what I always tell myself: Don't ever give up.
> 
> I think the biggest thing that is helping me so far is shifting your thoughts and attitudes - to one that's more positive. You probably hear it all the time, but try to actually practice it. You have to realize that it's not people or situations that make us angry/frustrated/anxious/unhappy/depressed. The biggest (and probably only) factor that affects our mood is our interpretation of people/situations. In other words, we make the decision to feel happy or not, and whether to let a situation affect you negatively or not. Before, I would use to beat myself up real bad for feeling anxious or not being able to speak up or whatever...now I try really hard to not be so hard on myself, and to forgive myself, and see the positive things that come out of it -- like hey, I'm glad I actually went to eat out, instead of staying home, even though I was sort of anxious during the whole time. Think POSITIVE! That's something I am working on too.
> 
> And remember, when we're in an emotional state, we often don't make rational decisions or choices. That is why you shouldn't act on anything when you're in that distorted state of mind. You don't ever want to do anything that you will regret in this life. If you're feeling real bad about something, wait for yourself to calm down. For me, I try to think about an event that caused me distress/anxiety after 2 weeks has passed, since by then, I will probably be more reasonable and calm.
> 
> Dogs are nice too, I love how my two poms are always happy, wagging their tails, and panting no matter what mood I come home with. That's another good thing. Find yourself things that make yourself happy, and do as much of it as possible.
> 
> Lastly rthao4, I would recommend you to take off your hoodie. I know it probably is hard, but it's part of exposure. The only way to defeat your fears is to confront them. When someone says something about you, try not to take it personal (it probably isn't), try to be more positive. If those ppl keep bothering you, I would suggest finding new ppl to hang around with that won't put u down. Again, that may be tough, but you gotta take yourself out of that negative black hole. If you practice a positive attitude, do things that make u happy, and surround yourself with positive ppl/things, I guarantee you that SA will never be a problem again. That's something that we can all do, even myself. Good luck to all of us.
> 
> And if anyone wants to friend me on fb, I'll be happy to do so. We can help each other too. Just PM me if interested.


Yea I will try to do that but lately I've just felt so down about everything that nothing really seems to cheer me up anymore, i mena maybe for a il while and after that i go back to being depressed and angry mainly at myself cause i let this kind of stuff happen. BUt thanks though. It's good to know that some1 out there cares and I hope thast u get through ur SA. Good Luck to the both of us!!!


----------



## ShyLoner

*How people percieve you*

I have always been an exceedingly shy and lonely person. I do have only three "friends", and I am not partuclalry close to any of them. The problem with me is that i came from a large family, all of whom had problems. And being the youngest in the family it made me aware of other peoples problems. The problem was that even in primary school i was too embarassed to bring anybody back to my house due to the fact that my house was a mess and I was a tidy person. The bizzare thing is that my behaviour in the home environment is normal, I can be a chatty person and can have normal conversations. However outside the house and in the school environment I come over with extreme anxiety and social shyness, of which i have no control over.My voice pitch and tone is erratic and bizzare and my conversations can be seen to be wierd to people.i also have a probelm with eye contact which is sometimes a major problem.

I have a large family 3 sisters and 1 brother, however I can always remember times when i was left home alone, sometimes with my parents forgetting about me and I came over with this intense feeling of loneliness.

The other bizzare thing is that i can maintain conversations with pepople at school, but only with *certain* people.And the conversation lengths varies from day to day. What I found was that people in the school environment dont know what to make of you to begin with when you first join, but then they get used to the person you are and the errratic and bizzare behaviour that you may display or the non verbalness of you as a person after a while.

I still find loneliness bizzare, all these people in the world and you can feel so alone. I have been in so many situations in the school environment and outside the school enviornment where I was alone,usually through no fault of my own but just through circumstances. the thing is that sometimes I can be freindly, but it always feels like i have to initiate the conversation, and the conversation usually dries up, unless as I said I am with someone who I can maintain conversation with.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I am sure all us loners come from different backgrounds and have different families and life experiences. I always feel as if I will be forever alone on the planet. However I live in hope....... i have actually lost track of the amount of times that I have been alone, it is far too many.


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## ShyLoner

This sounds ridiculously like me, only my family and grandparents remember my birthday. its a horrible feeling, but yet another example of being forever alone .__.


----------



## kavetra

*me also*

i cant seem to make friends and the one friend i have, we barely talk now. We have been friends for 4 years but through the whole relationship, I'm always the listener, never really open up much about me, and now I'm just drifting away we rarely talk now at all, we may send a text once a weel but thats it now.


----------



## Jayd

randomuser said:


> In high school I was a cool guy, I mean people knew me and I knew a sizable amount of people. When high school finished, I was excited to leave some of the idiots behind and find better friends in University. I had a girlfriend when I started University which was a HUGE mistake looking back on it now. I devoted most of my time skyping her and talking on the phone.
> After almost 3 years of being enrolled at 3 different post-secondary institutions (because of my average grades :/ ), I would say I've got one friend whose my best friend, and he is from high school! Apart from that there are some acquaintances, but some days the only people I talk to you are cashiers from the cafeteria. I just feel like I have wasted a lot of chances to make friends so whats the point anymore you know? I am fine with being alone, but sometimes I wish I had people to go out with, people that I am comfortable with.


Hey there, just found this forum. I have been a SA sufferer since around 6th grade with it getting worse each year.

I got to say I completely understand your feeling of - whats the point anymore.

The best time of my life was high school where I played the cool guy role and had a lot of friends. Things were so easy and simple, I kind of took it for granted. When I got to college I was slowly drifting further into drug use and away from friends and what not. Year after year my social isolation just got worse and worse.

Fast forward to present day while I have managed to graduate from a great university I have literally no friends and can't even take the only drugs that give me a little bit of relief from 24 hours of anxiety (benzos/xanax). I can't even take one xanax without going on a charlie sheen binger.

I have never been able to go to a bar without getting so drunk-due to my extreme anxiety of the situation- it never ends well. I use to be asked to go out all the time and I would always avoid, after time people give up. So the bar scene is out of the question. I have this huge fear of the bar, like how do people make such interesting conversation. I am all about pop culture and **** but I can't think of a joke or small talk to save my life.

Btw the last year or two of university I was just like you rthao4, I was always by myself during breaks and I was to afraid to try actually talking to people. I can never bring myself to go to the gym because I am so afraid of being embarrassed even though I am in great shape.

I am now 2 months clean with a university degree and an international internship(early in my university career, I can't imagine doing that now!) on my resume and am too afraid to even apply to get a job because I might get an interview, not to mention what if I get a job, I have no friends and can't imagine interacting everyday with people. It seems like the only people I talk to are cashiers now a days, I am rather attractive and females often check me out but I dodge like an f-18. I mean I want to socialize but then when I realize i might actually be entering a conversation I freak out and avoid.

I also got this weird thing going on now that I am back in my hometown I am so afraid to see any of my old friends. I use to be such a popular guy in high school and I just feel like- what the **** happened- I dont want anyone to even know what I have become, friendless. I was always freaked out by facebook, I am terrified to put myself out there like that.

Alright well I don't know what my point was. But I just wanted to say I feel the same way as many of you do in the previous posts. I just have this "life sucks" mantra going on in my mind all day and am slowly trying to overcome it. I see the only answer as getting a part time job, then branch out and start applying to a real job after I got some confidence back, and hopefully a new friend or two.

Right now though I am crippled.


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## Jayd

SApharmstudent said:


> I think the biggest thing that is helping me so far is shifting your thoughts and attitudes - to one that's more positive. You probably hear it all the time, but try to actually practice it. You have to realize that it's not people or situations that make us angry/frustrated/anxious/unhappy/depressed. The biggest (and probably only) factor that affects our mood is our interpretation of people/situations. In other words, we make the decision to feel happy or not, and whether to let a situation affect you negatively or not. Before, I would use to beat myself up real bad for feeling anxious or not being able to speak up or whatever...now I try really hard to not be so hard on myself, and to forgive myself, and see the positive things that come out of it -- like hey, I'm glad I actually went to eat out, instead of staying home, even though I was sort of anxious during the whole time. Think POSITIVE! That's something I am working on too.


Pharmstudent you are so right about trying to look at things in a more positive light. Making small steps to try and meet people, even if you fail, you need to at least give yourself credit for trying. Lately I have at least been trying to get out there again but not beating myself up if I bail at the last minute. At least I got in the car and drove somewhere...

It may sound cliche and cheesy but not beating yourself up when you are at least TRYING no matter how little to connect with people should be considered progress. I am 'trying' to work on smiling and making eye contact, even if it doesn't lead to a convo, I will at least seem like a nice guy, even if I am scared ****less.


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## kamrynsays

I completely understand your condition, and your not the only one. I don't have any friends or a social life. I do sometimes go shopping or watch a movie myself though.'it sounds a little boring but being independent is actually pretty nice, sometimes.
Maybe the reason why you don't make friends is you don't have anyone you relate to, and that's me as well. I daydream all the time, about how things would be if I reacted in a certain situation in my past,'or being at a party with cool friends, but you have to know how to take action and move on with your life.


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## NoodleLover

I had many friends in the past, right now i'm a little friendless.
I know why i lost them and i know how to make new friends.
But it's hard, still figuring out how to do this.....


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## jmw1112632

Jayd said:


> Pharmstudent you are so right about trying to look at things in a more positive light. Making small steps to try and meet people, even if you fail, you need to at least give yourself credit for trying. Lately I have at least been trying to get out there again but not beating myself up if I bail at the last minute. At least I got in the car and drove somewhere...
> 
> It may sound cliche and cheesy but not beating yourself up when you are at least TRYING no matter how little to connect with people should be considered progress. I am 'trying' to work on smiling and making eye contact, even if it doesn't lead to a convo, I will at least seem like a nice guy, even if I am scared ****less.


Jayd, welcome to the forums. I can relate to a lot of what you said. In high school I was terribly socially anxious but some how managed to be one of the popular kids. For me, I made friends through my friends I grew up with so I never really learned any social skills as far as talking to people I've never met or who don't know any of my friends. After high school I started hanging out with a lot of people that were into drugs and what not. Although I never fell into doing any drugs other than pot socially, I was a terrible environment for me to be in and I ended my friendships with almost all of them but a few that I felt close to.

Over the past 5 months I've been extremely focus on beating my SA and I've come quite along way. One thing that helped me the most was learning as much as I could about it. I started reading quite of few self help books on anxiety and phobias and a few on conversing with people and body language. I think learning how to have a conversation has help me greatly. My anxiousness didn't show through as much even though I was terrified on the inside. Improving my body language and being aware of how my body language is read by others helps. Showing confidence through body language even if you're not feeling very confident on the inside goes along way. The way I think of it is that I'll fake it till I really feel that way. Take a look in the mirror and just stand there and smile. It sounds cheesy and lame but it helps.

Like you said, take small strides in changing your way of thinking. The smallest steps help. Spend as much time thinking about the positives and you'll spend less time on the negative stuff that make you anxious or withdrawn. I don't know whats gotten into me but this past week I've made such a great leap from putting all my small steps together and I'm actually starting to socialize. Its wierd because today when I got off work, I already knew what I'd be doing after work, which was absolutely nothing. I had a weird feeling that I didn't want to leave work because I was craving social interaction with people and was getting anxiety of being alone. It's almost like reverse SA. Never in a million year would I have though I'd ever feel this way and to be quite honest it feels amazing. I can't wait to go back to work to talk with my co-workers.

All those small steps you take add up and you can do a complete 180 if you really set your mind to it. Enough with all my rambling... hahaa


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## Jayd

Thanks jmw, there is so much to read as a new member. Crazy that there are so many people with same feelings.

Your so right about needing to learn how to meet people that you don't know through someone else, it is so different. Now that i have my mind straightened out I am actually craving social relationships again. I feel that a lot of my anxiety right now is because I want to be a member of society again, not just a guy alone doing whatever makes him feel good. I actually want a girl i talk with, and want friends again. I have this constant anxiety just attacking me because I am not out there, and then when I am out there it doubles! The key for me to move on right now is feeling connected, I just feel like I am floating around with no real purpose. 

I might be getting a part time position next week, thats when the real social networking needs to happen. I am going to focus on not shutting down relationships before they begin. I also need to try and focus on other people and not be so focused on me and how I am feeling.


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## jmw1112632

Jayd said:


> Thanks jmw, there is so much to read as a new member. Crazy that there are so many people with same feelings.
> 
> Your so right about needing to learn how to meet people that you don't know through someone else, it is so different. Now that i have my mind straightened out I am actually craving social relationships again. I feel that a lot of my anxiety right now is because I want to be a member of society again, not just a guy alone doing whatever makes him feel good. I actually want a girl i talk with, and want friends again. I have this constant anxiety just attacking me because I am not out there, and then when I am out there it doubles! The key for me to move on right now is feeling connected, I just feel like I am floating around with no real purpose.
> 
> I might be getting a part time position next week, thats when the real social networking needs to happen. I am going to focus on not shutting down relationships before they begin. I also need to try and focus on other people and not be so focused on me and how I am feeling.


Thats great about the job! It sounds like you known what you need to do and you definitely want it and are truly capable of doing it. I'm the exact same way when you say you focus more on yourself and how you're feeling rather than on other people. I just recently started doing the opposite. When I am approached by someone, rather than getting a worked up and anxious, I force myself to focus on what they're saying and truly listen and I find myself focusing less on my feelings.


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## Mae West

Jayd said:


> Thanks jmw, there is so much to read as a new member. Crazy that there are so many people with same feelings.
> 
> Your so right about needing to learn how to meet people that you don't know through someone else, it is so different. Now that i have my mind straightened out I am actually craving social relationships again. I feel that a lot of my anxiety right now is because I want to be a member of society again, not just a guy alone doing whatever makes him feel good. I actually want a girl i talk with, and want friends again. I have this constant anxiety just attacking me because I am not out there, and then when I am out there it doubles! The key for me to move on right now is feeling connected, I just feel like I am floating around with no real purpose.
> 
> I might be getting a part time position next week, thats when the real social networking needs to happen. I am going to focus on not shutting down relationships before they begin. I also need to try and focus on other people and not be so focused on me and how I am feeling.


Hey Jayd, hope you get that part time job you are applying for. I know the feeling of having a poor social history but being motivated to get out in the world and make friends. I am in a similar boat with you. I am just starting to realize the importance of having friendships and a certain level of social status. My best advice is to have a very open mind and a flexible self image. Don't let words like loner, shy, awkward, outsider define you. Try to think of these words as representing your anxiety, not who you are on the inside. What has also helped me is finding role models who I believe represent a socially skilled person. Try to identify with someone whether it is a friend or even a famous person who you think is your opposite socially. Learn how they act and think and try to apply it to your own life.


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## jmw1112632

Mae West said:


> Hey Jayd, hope you get that part time job you are applying for. I know the feeling of having a poor social history but being motivated to get out in the world and make friends. I am in a similar boat with you. I am just starting to realize the importance of having friendships and a certain level of social status. My best advice is to have a very open mind and a flexible self image. Don't let words like loner, shy, awkward, outsider define you. Try to think of these words as representing your anxiety, not who you are on the inside. What has also helped me is finding role models who I believe represent a socially skilled person. Try to identify with someone whether it is a friend or even a famous person who you think is your opposite socially. Learn how they act and think and try to apply it to your own life.


Mae West, thats awesome advice! I've never looked at it that way. This post just made me smile!

I like your advise on finding someone who is great socially. There is a guy that delivers to my work that is the most talkative person I've ever met. He's always trying to get me to talk and I've noticed that he's always sparking conversation with everyone he runs into. I've been watching how he goes about it and trying to apply it to my own life.


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## Jayd

jmw1112632 said:


> When I am approached by someone, rather than getting a worked up and anxious, I force myself to focus on what they're saying and truly listen and I find myself focusing less on my feelings.


I use to never even pay attention to what people were saying to me when introducing themselves because I was so worried about what I might say next. I was bad about names, so lately am making a point to try and remember a name of someone. They seem to appreciate it if you do. Its easy on the phone but tough in person when your all flustered and what not.

The board is already helping hah! I think focusing on someone else is definitely something I am going to practice more.


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## Jayd

Mae West said:


> What has also helped me is finding role models who I believe represent a socially skilled person. Try to identify with someone whether it is a friend or even a famous person who you think is your opposite socially. Learn how they act and think and try to apply it to your own life.


Thanks Mae,

I use to consider these guys safe people. I knew if I was with one I would be safe because they always would do the talking and keep a conversation going, the worst is when they go to the bathroom or something though, then it gets a bit akward.

All my safe people are gone! Hopefully I will find someone to fill the position through this part time job before I start getting serious about applying. And I can go back to being the quiet but maybe intriguing guy..

Maybe one day ill be a safe person? not likely! but think positive right...


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## jmw1112632

Jayd said:


> I use to never even pay attention to what people were saying to me when introducing themselves because I was so worried about what I might say next. I was bad about names, so lately am making a point to try and remember a name of someone. They seem to appreciate it if you do. Its easy on the phone but tough in person when your all flustered and what not.
> 
> The board is already helping hah! I think focusing on someone else is definitely something I am going to practice more.


People definitely respond differently to you when you know there name. I've started to make it a habit to use a persons name when I'm greeting them or saying bye.


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## ShyLoner

How have all of you coped in the school environment? I come from England and have always found school difficult, infact i was intensely lonely at primary school, not being keen on fooball like most "normal" boys should be, I had one friend but he had a bigger group of freinds and therefore I was always alone.Secondary school was also difficult I used to hang out with the nerds in my year, but I never fekt as if I could relate to them and I used to just sit with them so that I wasnt lonely. It would be interesting to compare peoples experiences.This has unfortunately continued onto a levels(what you do before going to university) and I dread going to University as people wil find me bizzare and wierd.


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## d93

I deactivated my Facebook account. Mainly because I know myself that my 'friends' won't care. I have 300 something friends on there..and really some of them were 'random add'. I'm thinking off making a new Facebook, and only having people I know. And people that actually talk to me. I've left school..and I've basically been at home since early December. Now it's almost mid March....I haven't seen my friends since early December. And I haven't talked to them since then either. 

I don't know what to do. Because I've been mostly inside the house for so long, my skin is very pale. It was always pale mind you...but it's ghostly pale now. And I look very ugly. 

I have no social life whatsoever. And my 'friends' haven't even rang me, or texted me asking what's going on. 

I'm 17 years old, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, haven't got a job. I'm ugly. Life isn't the best right now...


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## O B kool

Most of you still have your lives ahead of you I'm 26


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## Flowerman

*jobs etc*



VetChick said:


> Have you tried getting a job? i don't mean that in any offensive way, but a lot of my friends come from work, even though it was awkward at first I slowly got used to them.  I actually have plans for the weekend. I'm excited at that


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## lucyx

i am honestly a loner to.
i basically seeing me having no life, i have family rant on to me how i should be out enjoying, i do try, it seems no one really want's to be with me :/ what do i do?
what am i doing wrong.


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## Sval

No friends, and my social life revolves around going out with my parents! How embarassing is that? Although, truthfully i don't have a problem with this.


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## johnstamos

you're not alone lastexile, I could've wrote your post word by word. I'm 22 and I really have nothing going on in my life at all, except for school. No friends, no sexual history, no girlfriend etc...its sad but I try to keep my head high and remain optimistic, it's really all we can do.


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## Fromheretoeternity

I can relate in the same way of having the same routine day in and day out. I go to school, come home and go on the computer. I never go out unless I go to the shops with my mum. It does get boring but I feel I don't have to make any effort of having to wake up at a reasonable time, get dressed and go out. I do like having that freedom especially when I'm not in the mood but it starts to get boring after a while.


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## Metajoe

I've pretty much grown up with no social life. The last actual "friend" (aka "playmate") I had was when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. Considering how in my school that if you were fat, you got picked on, I got bullied to hell and back for years up until my last couple of years into middle school. After that I stopped caring and in high school I was really withdrawn. I hated how teachers never assigned groups, but let students pick their own. I always usually ended up working alone--but sometimes I got double or triple the credit for the work because of that. I never talked much unless I absolutely had to and rarely talked to anyone I knew. It was the same thing with college--didn't talk much (mainly because I didn't have much to talk _about_) and certainly didn't make any friends. Although, towards the last couple of years I did begin to open up a little bit, but usually I wouldn't start getting to know people until near the end of each semester (and never keep in contact with them afterwards).

Now, I did get a job at a gas station about a year or so ago and that has greatly improved my anxiety with speaking with people in general, but I have seemed to have developed a social life exclusively for the workplace. Because once I leave the station, I return to my old, negative, bored and lonely self that only my family is used to seeing. On my off-days, all I do is sit in my room and dink around on my laptop from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. That's it. My mom rarely sees me since I'm working 40hrs per week now.

Usually I'm OK with being alone often, but once in awhile it hits me hard and it really bothers me.


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## modus

I'm the same way.. if it doesn't get any better soon I'm just gonna commit my life to MMO games. It's like a second life.. and if real life can't give me a satisfying life, I'll just escape there. But I'm giving an honest effort to make real life work.


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## PotterWitter

I'm new here and I totally get where you are coming from.It seems like everyday is the same routine.I constantly wonder if this is going to be it for me.I can honestly say since I'm so shy socially I wonder certain questions like "Will I ever find someone and get married have kids??All those questions.
Funny thing is at work I put up a good front of at least being a bit social all the while shaking inside.I'm sure everyone here knows how that feels.


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## ajay

Well, Im sure there are millions who feel the same and the majority who do not speak out or have the idea as to how to express it properly.

I had close friends and groups and social situations were easier in the past...things change and people can and do eventually become strangers to some degree. Now at 37 and for the last 10 years Ive led myself to an eventual life of solitude and freedom which is the positive term for bored and lonely. Even when I get the confidence to try and make new friend, an automatic and constant nagging sensation reminds me that most people have set their social life to a crystallized form and rarely make new friends. Besides, how does someone with little or no friends make a new friend when they are faced with explaining this to someone who has no idea what it means as being a recluse is a fear almost akin to death for most people because they are just happy with their lives and have pains with or without friends. 

Its horribly cynical to note that no matter the situation we all as humans die alone. Its important to be with people in life and functionally easier or harder to some. I wonder if people who post here would get along with one another or does desire towards solitude include those who themselves share this desire?


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## rthao4

Dos anyone on this thread have ever thought about committing suicide?? i've thought about so much and it feels me with dread...I honestly don't think that anything or anyone can help me anymore becasue ive been damaged too much..I feel like this shouldn't have been the way it was supposed to but it is..I just feel hopeless...


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## LionLungs

I'm sick of trying to be quite honest. I'm satisfied that I've given it my all, I've been brave in the face of horrendous anxiety too many times now, and I'm done with it. I just don't have the motivation to try and be socially normal anymore.

I can get used to a life of emotional turmoil, stress and frequent suicidal thoughts. It'll be over soon, I've already survived 18 years I can survive more.


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## LionLungs

rthao4 said:


> Dos anyone on this thread have ever thought about committing suicide?? i've thought about so much and it feels me with dread...I honestly don't think that anything or anyone can help me anymore becasue ive been damaged too much..I feel like this shouldn't have been the way it was supposed to but it is..I just feel hopeless...


Lol, I just saw this post just above mine. This is literally EXACTLY how I feel, you just expressed it a lot better. :boogie


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## LionLungs

ShyLoner said:


> I have always been an exceedingly shy and lonely person. I do have only three "friends", and I am not partuclalry close to any of them. The problem with me is that i came from a large family, all of whom had problems. And being the youngest in the family it made me aware of other peoples problems. The problem was that even in primary school i was too embarassed to bring anybody back to my house due to the fact that my house was a mess and I was a tidy person. The bizzare thing is that my behaviour in the home environment is normal, I can be a chatty person and can have normal conversations. However outside the house and in the school environment I come over with extreme anxiety and social shyness, of which i have no control over.My voice pitch and tone is erratic and bizzare and my conversations can be seen to be wierd to people.i also have a probelm with eye contact which is sometimes a major problem.
> 
> I have a large family 3 sisters and 1 brother, however I can always remember times when i was left home alone, sometimes with my parents forgetting about me and I came over with this intense feeling of loneliness.
> 
> The other bizzare thing is that i can maintain conversations with pepople at school, but only with *certain* people.And the conversation lengths varies from day to day. What I found was that people in the school environment dont know what to make of you to begin with when you first join, but then they get used to the person you are and the errratic and bizzare behaviour that you may display or the non verbalness of you as a person after a while.
> 
> I still find loneliness bizzare, all these people in the world and you can feel so alone. I have been in so many situations in the school environment and outside the school enviornment where I was alone,usually through no fault of my own but just through circumstances. the thing is that sometimes I can be freindly, but it always feels like i have to initiate the conversation, and the conversation usually dries up, unless as I said I am with someone who I can maintain conversation with.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the rant. I am sure all us loners come from different backgrounds and have different families and life experiences. I always feel as if I will be forever alone on the planet. However I live in hope....... i have actually lost track of the amount of times that I have been alone, it is far too many.


It is bizzare, I'm the same. With some people I am totally unaware of myself, but then if one particular person enters, even if I'm in the same environment, I'm just overcome with extreme anxiety.


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## victoriangirl

I've had good years and I've had bad ones. I am currently in a bad one and I see no hope. I am lonely, yet I not only fear people, I actually do not like them. Or better said, I cannot relate to most people. The conversations I hear at work (my only 'social' activity) all seem so boring & judgmental & one sided. I feel lonely because I feel so different in so many ways. 

I am a complete loner which is fine by me - I don't mind doing most things on my own, but than there are those awful moments of realizing what I am missing out on. A friend, a boyfriend, my soulmate, having kids & family, a good relationship with colleagues, people you randomly meet & enjoy having a chitchat with. 

Keeping me alive right now are my mom, dad, sister & my cats. But what am I going to do when they start leave me?


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## solidxxx

Ok so we are all 'loners' and hate it so we have something already in common! why dont we all do something about it?

Ill start. I'm what you call a 'loner' but it doesnt make me sad or upset me. I guess its because I am used to it and when I was a child I prefered playing alone anyways as opposed to with others. I was very popular it grade school, voted the most popular and outgoing but in highschool and university I guess I just shut out the social aspect of my life and concentrated on school and other things. 

So I'm from Toronto, Canada. Post your city and maybe you can meet another 'loner' in your area and stop being lonely! It doesnt help to just sit in front of a computer and complain about it.

So hit me up!


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## bales

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


im with you men but this story is dated 2008 and your 24 years old
im 16 first year college and your story is the same
with me 
thank you for sharing your story


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## bales

loneman said:


> yea i allso have never had any friends or a girlfriend or anything and im 23 im to nervous to be around anyone or to socializei mostley just stay on the computer all day so its boring.I get deppressed sometimes to,cause i know ill never have a girlfriend or any friends cause of the way i am.And that makes me sad.:cry


im with you too
i know what it feels men

thank your for sharing your story


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## bales

this thread make me cry your life is like mine where related
finally someone understand what it feels to be alone


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## Genetic Garbage

OP, you wrote the story of my life. I haven't had a true friend for the last ten years and never had a girlfriend. Me, a girlfriend lol. I am far too inferior for a relationship. On top of that, no girl has ever shown the slightest interest in me. How should I get a girlfriend if I can't even make a single friend. Even if I have a conversation with someone I run out of words after a minute because I am a boring, pathetic loser who has nothing to say. I don't know how to make friends and I can't connect to anybody. I seem to miss the gene that makes me able to forge bonds.

I follow the same routine everyday as well. I study for exams, work out, play video games ............ that's it. I don't even have my bachelor's degree yet because I am a stupid ****head who started to go to university at the age of ****ing 22. I never go anywhere. I spend my weekends and summer holidays at home. Even if I get invited to a party (happens once in a blue moon) I make up all kinds of excuses to avoid attending it. 

Besides SA I am extremely paranoid, depressed and suffer from identity issues because of my race. I consider myself an inferior, self-hating mongrel. I feel inferior to literally everybody. Right now, I am so angry and frustrated that I want to destroy the entire world.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. I just try to make the best out of my situation. When it comes to friendships and relationships, I give up. I don't have the power to fight anymore. I surrender. If some of you people still have the power to fight, be sure that I really admire you for your strength.


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## Jinnix

I wonder what percent of people are like this. I get along with people easily usually, I can keep a conversation going with a bit of humor, yet I'm still in this rut where I have no friends. I'm just curious as to how it seems that 99% of people develop an active social life automatically, what are they doing that I'm not?


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## johnny93

You've posted my life... although you miss SA!


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## stranger25

Genetic Garbage said:


> OP, you wrote the story of my life. I haven't had a true friend for the last ten years and never had a girlfriend. Me, a girlfriend lol. I am far too inferior for a relationship. On top of that, no girl has ever shown the slightest interest in me. How should I get a girlfriend if I can't even make a single friend. Even if I have a conversation with someone I run out of words after a minute because I am a boring, pathetic loser who has nothing to say. I don't know how to make friends and I can't connect to anybody. I seem to miss the gene that makes me able to forge bonds.
> 
> I follow the same routine everyday as well. I study for exams, work out, play video games ............ that's it. I don't even have my bachelor's degree yet because I am a stupid ****head who started to go to university at the age of ****ing 22. I never go anywhere. I spend my weekends and summer holidays at home. Even if I get invited to a party (happens once in a blue moon) I make up all kinds of excuses to avoid attending it.
> 
> Besides SA I am extremely paranoid, depressed and suffer from identity issues because of my race. I consider myself an inferior, self-hating mongrel. I feel inferior to literally everybody. Right now, I am so angry and frustrated that I want to destroy the entire world.
> 
> Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. I just try to make the best out of my situation. When it comes to friendships and relationships, I give up. I don't have the power to fight anymore. I surrender. If some of you people still have the power to fight, be sure that I really admire you for your strength.


I'm in the same situation. It depresses the life out of me. On some days the reality is just too much for me to handle that I start thinking crazy thoughts (in my mind that is). I don't know how it is in other countries, but here in America if you are stuck in this sort of lifestyle there's not much of a way to get out of it but I wish I could. There is just no way for a 20 year old guy to make friends especially girls. Even if you could, you'll just get stereotyped out and struggle to fit in. I can never get even that far. You can go to bars, clubs, social events for years and not meet anyone or even get someone to look at you. It's nuts. It snowballs real bad eventually too because when most of my family dies off, I will truly be alone. I stare down the barrel of being alone for the rest of my life every day.


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## jkquatre

I think I have come to terms with this. I used to want friends and an active social life, but I just don't care anymore.

It just doesn't matter, it hasn't mattered for 23 years why should it start mattering now? I doesn't make any sense.

I did find something cool tho... 
Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend - nothingisreal.com 
-a mathematical proof


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## modus

I don't understand why you guys say "**** it" and want to give up. Why not say "**** it, I've got nothing lose" and go confront every fear you have?

I totally understand the feeling of being completely fed up with the anxiety but giving up does not _compute_. For the past couple months, I've been throwing myself into stupid situations just because I'd rather be hauled off in cuffs to the loony bin then lay down and die.

I grew up disconnected ever since I started gaming at like age 10. I always had some fear in me, but it never really grew until I hid in my room to play games for years and years. Fortunately, my parents know how to be good people and love their children unconditionally so their support has always helped... but no one else did. I have the same thoughts and feelings as all of you... but damn.

If I make it out of this alive, I'm tempted to start some sort of national support group for people like us. I really feel like if we just knew each other and grouped together, it would be easier to face our fears.


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## jkquatre

exobyte said:


> I don't understand why you guys say "**** it" and want to give up. Why not say "**** it, I've got nothing lose" and go confront every fear you have?
> 
> I totally understand the feeling of being completely fed up with the anxiety but giving up does not _compute_. For the past couple months, I've been throwing myself into stupid situations just because I'd rather be hauled off in cuffs to the loony bin then lay down and die.
> 
> I grew up disconnected ever since I started gaming at like age 10. I always had some fear in me, but it never really grew until I hid in my room to play games for years and years. Fortunately, my parents know how to be good people and love their children unconditionally so their support has always helped... but no one else did. I have the same thoughts and feelings as all of you... but damn.
> 
> If I make it out of this alive, I'm tempted to start some sort of national support group for people like us. I really feel like if we just knew each other and grouped together, it would be easier to face our fears.


Your a stronger person than me.

Gary Kasparov would resign a match after a -single- missed move. No point in trying if you're going to lose anyway.

I've tried making friends and it always goes nowhere. I am tired of trying to justify and rationalize every rejection. Re-working what I think went wrong after every interaction and trying to correct it for next time. I just don't care anymore, it just doesn't matter.


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## modus

jkquatre said:


> Your a stronger person than me.
> 
> Gary Kasparov would resign a match after a -single- missed move. No point in trying if you're going to lose anyway.
> 
> I've tried making friends and it always goes nowhere. I am tired of trying to justify and rationalize every rejection. Re-working what I think went wrong after every interaction and trying to correct it for next time. I just don't care anymore, it just doesn't matter.


It doesn't take a strong person to get really angry at their situation.. It just takes someone who _wants _something without exception_.

_Granted, I do feel like there needs to be a level of emotional balance to be able to want something bad enough. I get some help from my medication and my abstinence from bad habits, but anyone can take a pill and stop gaming.

The only thing that can set me back is when someone tells me I've failed at something new I tried to do.. which has happened. It hurts but like I said... I'd rather end up in cuffs in a loony bin than just avoid everything forever.


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## jkquatre

exobyte said:


> It doesn't take a strong person to get really angry at their situation.. It just takes someone who _wants _something without exception_.
> 
> _Granted, I do feel like there needs to be a level of emotional balance to be able to want something bad enough. I get some help from my medication and my abstinence from bad habits, but anyone can take a pill and stop gaming.
> 
> The only thing that can set me back is when someone tells me I've failed at something new I tried to do.. which has happened. It hurts but like I said... I'd rather end up in cuffs in a loony bin than just avoid everything forever.


Avoiding everything forever isn't rational or productive. This society is based on interpersonal interactions of people who choose to come together for survival/efficiency/community. So I agree with that point.

There is only so long that you can slam your head against the wall before getting tired. Be it anger or desire or what have you, there is finite amount of energy someone has. I've reached the point where I don't see a point to keep trying.

I don't think its a policy of avoidance, but of benign non-interference and acceptance.


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## modus

Well.. OK, I just hope you truly tried everything. I'm not preaching, I'd just hate to see anyone give in that really does have a shot at a normal-ish life. I have a hard time accepting that people who seem intelligent, like you, have nothing to offer in terms of friendship or love.

Not sure I can blame you too much though. I'm only 21 and already exhausted with all this effort. My hair is thinning, I have dark circles under my eyes and the doctor thinks it's due to stress. Feels like anxiety is stealing my youth before it's even supposed to end.


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## arronax

How many of you have you tried seeing a therapist? Just curious. It's the most effective way to get cured, and when you're 21, you shouldn't act as if your life is over. You won't change your race (as somebody said he hated his race, which is stupid) and your height, and have to accept it, but you can change a lot of things for the better.
I consider having stopped video games equivalent to having (almost) stopped drinking. Video Games Anonymous, don't know if it exists yet


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## MissElley

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


Sounds alot like myself... must be living a double life. ???


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## Devilius

I'm a bit like you too, but I don't have the freedom of being independent like you yet. If I were you, I'd go out and see movies. Go to the mall, buy a milkshake or something, and just walk around. Or walk around the neighborhood, walking your dog or something. That'll give you an excuse to talk to people you know. Or, if you want to stay inside, play an online game and meet people there. Exchange email addresses, and maybe meet! Be very careful though, and make sure you really, really know that


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## Devilius

Person (accidentally clicked reply):roll


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## Justins Mom

Hey, Have you considered looking up groups to join locally? My thing is I can have general conversations with people but cant take them much further and do not make friends - rather "HI" friends.

I was told once that it was a lack of trust that stops me from taking that step, could that be something for you to think about?

Go to the library, at least you are not alone. Joining a club can help - it gives you a place to go....


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## luffy

why are you guys replying to someone who hasn't been on this site for over 3 years?


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## thhelper

do you kno what you guys should do? well ill tell ya. first if you want to make a friend i suggest the bar for all you 21 and older people. there is practically nothing to it. all you have to do is get a little loose, once you are at that point you will feel more comfortable around people then conversations will come naturally. but you have to start the conversation dont wait for the other person to start. ( suggestions to start a conversation.. talk about something on the news or some thing about sports) hope this helps =]


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## Colton

OP has been gone for 3 years, but I'm gonna reply anyway. I'm going into grade 12 and have only had the same two friends since 5th grade. We spend every single lunch hour together. I'm pretty sure people think we're gay, but whatever. I've decided to cut out video games from my life completely to see if it affects my life in a positive way. No changes yet.


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## CopadoMexicano

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> me too


 Pat myself on the back I guess for having one good friend.


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## johnstamos

thhelper said:


> do you kno what you guys should do? well ill tell ya. first if you want to make a friend i suggest the bar for all you 21 and older people. there is practically nothing to it. all you have to do is get a little loose, once you are at that point you will feel more comfortable around people then conversations will come naturally. but you have to start the conversation dont wait for the other person to start. ( suggestions to start a conversation.. talk about something on the news or some thing about sports) hope this helps =]


I hate speaking for others, but a person with Social Anxiety going to a bar would be like a Jewish person going to a church.


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## WishIwasSleeping

I have one close friend, but sometimes I feel it would be easier if I didn't have any. I mean, I know it would just be worse, but trying to open up to other people is scary and it seems impossible. I wish it was easier to talk to her. I wish she understood social anxiety. I wish I could just go one day without thinking that she probably doesn't want to be friends anymore. I'm sorry that I'm complaining. I just wish I could disappear and not have to deal with these stupid, irrational thoughts anymore.


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## nib

I've lost contact with all of my friends. My girlfriend of seven years who was my only friend and my best friend gave me the boot a couple of weeks ago and I was on the streets. As I had lost my job I had to sell all of my possessions to live and now have no posessions.
I'm finding it difficult as I have no one to talk to, and while I'm happy on the outside, I'm bottling everything up and feel like I'm going to explode.
I just had to type that, sorry!


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## theCARS1979

I go to karaoke with a cousin of mine, but still always was kind of a rebel, loner for years.


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## tfsdeth

Im feeling this way right now, well i have for a few years now, im 25 and literally all of my friends either are married, in serious relationships in which they are attached t the hip, or have kids. ALL of my girlfriends have kids, my last girlfriend who didnt have one i found out a few days ago that shes pregnant. so yeah fantastic.
I feel like im being selfish in a way but i just hate that my friends never want to actually be friends, ive known all of my friends since i was in nappies pretty much and it breaks my heart to think that ive got to now find a way to start all over again and find new friends. 
Im scared of meeting new people, i havent had a boyfriend in 5 years and id love to be in a relationship for the closeness & just generally having someone who i can look forward to seeing and enjoying my life with. 

It doesnt help that my job is not really a social one either, i work alone in as im a creative director/designer, i mainly work from home.

Does anyone have any good tips for meeting new people when i dont really ever get to go out anymore? Id really like to meet some new friends.
xo


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## loner4ever

Faith87 said:


> I hope you find a way to get over that.
> 
> I know I've been living like a zombie since I was 13. Dealing with major depression on and off since12...now 21. My family has a history of mental disorders and I gave up on the doctor's medications just months after hospitalization, concerned that I might have inherited alot more than 'baggage'.
> 
> I'm not alive and consequently have trouble staying in college, holding a job, achieving goals, and changing as a person because of it. Always the same and never satisfied. Psychiatrists, self-help books, "self-development" classes, everything's just...in the pit. My life is running past me, and I stand there indifferent, lashing out at others from an inability to deal with pain.
> 
> I'm psychotic - don't love myself enough to be motivated to take care of my own needs.


These are all symptoms of ADHD. Which ruined my life as well


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## NikkiJ

I am stuck. 20 years old, live in a small town with no friends. I work at a golf course and golf every day. My only social life is with people 5-20 years older than me and it sucks balls. Very few people older than me have advice that is worth a ****. People that think they have figured it all out are the worst to talk to. They will almost never give you the attention you need to get out of your anxiety. Unfortunately I find this the case with the people I work with. However it is easy for me to make acquaintances. I will go say hi to the girls that work in the resteraunt or wave to the cart girls and they will talk back to me. After that it is really hard for me to talk about anything. I'm not the guy who will talk dirty, for some reason it seems like that's the only thing people react too :S, I just like to be funny. I've had one thing good happen to me this summer and its that one of the cart girls can sort of relate too the things that I struggle with. She is a very nice girl and their were rumors that she had a crush on me. Of course once I new that I found it hard to talk to her. Of course she also goes to school on the opposite side of the country. FML. 

Some of my best friends were girls growing up and every single one of them developed a crush on me. I found it hard to be friends after that. As you can tell I have never had a girl friend or kissed a girl. I am not gay. I just start getting really self conscious when I feel like someone likes me. I have no one to really golf with. I am a really good golfer and It seems like that's the only reason people play with me. There is one girl I golf with and I like. She is 16 tho and I still struggle to even talk to her. It doesn't help that she's really shy too I guess.

I jumped right into the university scene right out of high school. It really seemed like my only option. I stayed in residence but I not being a drinker or smoker, I felt like I didn't belong with people. Im sure things were super casual, but I always felt lower than everyone and even the people that that let me hang out with them. I am the type of person that can coast through school, but it always grinds me when I know I can achieve but am lacking a certain motivation. So I stepped into the counselling side of things, my first Councellor suggested that my expectations were to high and that I have great leadership skills. Unfortunately I didn't see university as being a place that sort of helped to nurture my leadership quallities. It really does seem like the millitary, even tho if never been in the millitary, there are so many rules and it seems like university tries to mold people into a way of life. It also doesn't help that I believe that university creates a rift between people that can get in and can't. It really seems like an unsustainable system for the future. I've talked to many profs and there are few that I feel are their for anyone but themselves and few that new anything about supporting students. Just because you have a perfect golf swing doesn't mean you can go out and shoot a good score, proof being just watching a Jim furyk or freddy couples swing. One prof I had last year thought I would never be able to play on the golf team and take his course. Well I missed his classes and aced his course, really showed him. 

I've done many types of therapy. Ive taken meds for depression, done hypnotherapy, talked to councellors but it seems like its too much. Why am I going through this? I know I've got to figure this out on my own to make it sustainable, but how are you supposed to either change or accept yourself without a good support system. It seems impossible to try and change when you feel like your holding on to whats left of life rather than going out and getting. It just seems like so much effort. I spend my day eating ice cream and drinking energy drinks. Its awful and if I cared at all about myself I wouldn't treat myself so bad. Being lonely and isolated is awfull because its really easy to start believing all of the negative stuff around you. The news is awful, I get jealous of people social lives, and I just can let myself make a facebook account or anything. I know this is the 21 century, but come on! what happened to people just wanting to hang out all the time, go ride bikes, go piss in someones gas tank. 

Find out what you want and figure out how to get it. 
In todays world, with so many options it seems like these questions just get more complicated. Its a challenge to stay away from the negativity and not to feel the pain of other peoples difficulties on yourself.

I blame a lot of these things on my parents, which is fine. Growing up they controlled me a lot and unfortunately I have to live with the results and not them. I could write forever but this is probably a good place to stop for now. Hopefully my life can give somebody a bit of comfort


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## dvdenco

*WOW*

I found this post from mistake and I see that this post is more than 3 years old anyway...the same problem: loner. 
I'm 18 and I'm in the last year of HS so you would aspect to have a lot of friends and a very nice social life. But no, I mean my social life = 0. And you know what's more depressing ? Is that I used to have a lot of friends and so on but I changed school and I didn't maintained any of the relationships. In my old school I was kinda popular, was always out and now I bought a second PC. I sometimes sit and watch the window(I have very nice view, there's a nice forrest outside) and think: why I am still living ? I mean what is the reason of being if you can't connect with anyone ? And the awkward thing is that I'm surrounded by all these people and I still can't relate to them in any way. And most of my classmates see me as a freak sometimes. And it's not that I'm stupid or bad looking, or dressing bad or stuff like this even more I jogg often and workout so that I maintain a good shape. 
It's kinda depressing to live a life like this. I'm bored of watching all these sitcoms ,movies and videogames. F*** it's even more depressing writing this stuff down. And it's even more sad to see that we are so many. I mean I always thought that I'll have gfs and a lot of friends when I will be older(thinking it at 13) but it get's worse. 
Anyway thanks for the post.


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## andemar

I m a loner by default. I spent half of my 20's taking care of my mom so I forgot about the rest of the world....


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## matildaz

Well I do understand it, now I'm in a foreign country studying, all people (family, relative, online friends etc.)are telling me to make friends, but it's not easy for me at all, and the more they tell me to make friends, the more I'm nervous, I really don't know how to make friends, and usually I don't start talking to anyone, also if they talk to me, I'm like trying to finish the conversation fast... I just hope I could have some good friends who care about me, give me power and happiness...


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## the doctor

*hi*

look at all you lovely people,being there for each other,despites not knowing anything about the em,your all good people,just lonely.i would be friends with you all in a instant,you all seem really likeable....good luck friend finding

the doctor


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## Famous

the doctor said:


> look at all you lovely people,being there for each other,despites not knowing anything about the em,your all good people,just lonely.i would be friends with you all in a instant,you all seem really likeable....good luck friend finding
> 
> the doctor


R U a real doctor then ?


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## La Shonda

sounds a lot like me, I am a loner, too.


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## matildaz

I just am frustrated now, can't get friend plus nothing's going good, everything and everyone around are just making me unhappy, I'm so tired and fed up, why am I in this world?


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## elmman

*MY life I share to All*

I had a similar problem like some of u guys. I had friends from when i was 8 years old to high school.... after college everything went crashing down. I decided not to go to a public university/college in Illinois and so I lost touch with my even my best friends. College can change people in a good or bad way. For me it was the bad way. My old best friends make new friends and forget me and now deny me after being separated by state for straight 2-3 years of no contact. I dropped out from the private university in Michigan. I went back to my hometown in Illinois to find no welcoming of old peers or anyone except for my parents. I feel like I did something wrong and felt lot of depression/sadness thinking it was my fault that life was this way. Then I realize weeks later to toughen up and move on with my life. I got a small temporary job and going to a public college where kids 2 years under me go and none of my friends go no more. I LEARNED IS LIFE IS NEVER FAIR AND WE JUST GOT TO BE STRONG AND BE HAPPY WITH THE THINGS WE DO GOT.

I am actually a quiet, soft spoken person and so making new friends have been an awkward and failing experience for me since, there was no one I could relate to. I would think im a picky who to be friends with. I just don't be friends with everyone i meet out in the blue but call them associates like in my workplace. I just don't have friends to hang out on a friday, Saturday, Sunday night. I currently have no friends or girlfriend (except for the one im making one for girl who used to go to my high school with me but, her and her family moved to San Antonio, Texas but, Im working my best just to be her friend right now(but it most likely she will give up on me as well)).

My life as a loner is very lonely and want to be sociable but like some parts of being lonely can be good. Being lonely pros are that you can avoid the stressful drama of boyfriend and girlfriend issues, you won't likely get into lot of trouble with your parents, you most likely stay healthier especially friends who party past 3-4 am or drink alot of booze, you will be more wiser with your money, you have lot of free time to make some good use of cleaning around the house or to have a hobby indoors or at a park shooting a basketball or flying a toy motored plane, you could hangout peacefully at a library studying with no distractions,

Cons of being lonely, you lose in touch with old friends and have hard time to keep up with friends who graduated, get a good job, married, or have kids and have new friends you never met before and feel of awkwardness to show your friend what you are doing with your own life especially if you are not productive, in social places like bowling,movie theaters, live shows, restaurants, birthdays, etc. can be awkward since you are by yourself and random groups of people do stare at you as you sit by yourself, Also be awkward if you live with your parents and you stay lot of times in the house and parents ask you don't you got anything to do... What do u say to them?, or family like uncles,auntys, cousins and nieces visit you and wondering whats going on with your life and ask the same questions of how is school, work, etc. It can get so lame when the ask you as if you are their lab rat.

ANyways in conclusion being Lonely is more bad than good but, little lonliness is not a bad thing but, a time to recooperate to rengage with high stressful social situations. To improve your social life... you need to exercise, eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, avoid lot of TV or video games, hang out in public areas to strengthen of what people think of you if you are shy person like me and put yourself mentally naked in a world the is fast pacing to get to their next thing, also keep up to facebook events and try to attend one of them if you could. These steps may or may not perfectly work but, it is an effort to help u get out of your shell and stop mopping around.

As for me I like being alone since, I got used to it and can't get out of the routine of it and also my firends were the people who I put every trust into and so I am a lost cause but, i will move forward with my life see what the rest of my years be like.

-PEACE AJ


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## Olly7

I'm the same. I only have one friend that I still see after finishing school and college a few years ago, but I only see him once every couple of months, if that. Usually I just stay inside, doing the same thing day after day. 

I wish I could make myself go out and meet some people, but I don't know where to begin. It also feels like I'm too late and too old to make friends and just have a good time. Feels like I wasted the last few years not doing any stuff that seems "normal" having fun with friends etc. 

(I know the original post is old, but I figured I'd reply since lots of people have since then)


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## DubnRun

I'm 21 from England and in the same boat, we should all try meeting up, people that are close by that is. It makes sense to meet other people in the same situation. Id love to meet a girl that was the same socially, that would make for a strong relationship I think!


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## jwm78

Hi everyone,

Just came across this thread today and I currently relate to many of the situations and feelings expressed. Just wanted to point out one idea that may be helpful to us: Meetup.com. It's a great way to meet people who are in the same or similar lonely situation as you are, because as other posters in this thread have said before, you may feel lonely, but you are definitely not alone.

It's worth noting just how many people are out there who don't have (or just lost over time) an automatic group of friends, or who aren't able to make new friends easily, and need to go the extra mile to have a healthy social life. I'm definitely in this group, and I think Meetup is proof that this situation is much, much more common than it seems.

Now, I've tried Meetup a few times before and have easily become discouraged, as it did not lead to any real friendships, and some of the groups I joined just stopped meeting. But in fairness, I did not give the site a fair shot and gave up way too easily. I only joined a few groups and didn't make a real consistent effort in looking for new ones.

Now I'm joining new active groups, and I really think Meetup is a great resource, especially for lonely people with few or no real friends. There are so many interests listed that you can try many different groups if you don't seem to click with the people in the first few meetups you go to. So for those who haven't looked into it, it's worth checking out and giving a shot, believe me.

Thanks, and good luck-and as a final thought, I think having some alone time is genuinely good and healthy especially for introverted people like us, but too much of any one thing isn't good, and we just need to find balance in our lives by finding opportunities to share experiences with others, however way we can. It definitely takes work to get to that point, but the important thing is to keep trying.


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## aNervousGirl

I've had the same friend since high school. Only now she's making new ones and I'm feeling left behind.
She's moving on and I'm sitting at home stagnating.

What's worse is that I can't go out and do the same. I can barely breathe around people I don't know. I never feel comfortable and so I avoid acquaintances. I know I come off as snobby/standoffish because of this (even though I'm really not), but it's so ****ing hard.

ugh *first world problems*


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## jayport

You described my life...


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## rkrocks123

aNervousGirl said:


> I've had the same friend since high school. Only now she's making new ones and I'm feeling left behind.
> She's moving on and I'm sitting at home stagnating.
> 
> What's worse is that I can't go out and do the same. I can barely breathe around people I don't know. I never feel comfortable and so I avoid acquaintances. I know I come off as snobby/standoffish because of this (even though I'm really not), but it's so ****ing hard.
> 
> ugh *first world problems*


Yeah, this is pretty much what's happened to my close friends from high school over the past few months. They've developed new interests, made new friends and moved on with their lives while I feel like I'm staying exactly the same and just being left behind.


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## Truth

You guys can add me to the no lifer list. 

I mean I have been atleast gotten to experience some things like having a long term relationship and a couple jobs but everything seemed to go to ****.

I am now 24 years old, haven't worked in years.. I do the same routine daily. Wake up drink coffee, read, go onto the internet, drink more coffee maybe do some drawings.. its a cycle, no friends, no girlfriend, I just am really shy I am a really nice person too I just am horrible at meeting people and striking up conversation. It does feel very lonely =(


----------



## lazy

let's form the Hermit Conglomerate and initiate the Hermit Regime, we will rule the world... insidiously :evil


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## jimity

No partner, no friends, no social life, no sex, no self esteem, no self-confidence, no hope for the future ad nausem


----------



## dayfriendless

VetChick said:


> Have you tried getting a job? i don't mean that in any offensive way, but a lot of my friends come from work, even though it was awkward at first I slowly got used to them.  I actually have plans for the weekend. I'm exicted about that.


yeah, that helps if you can get through a job interview without crying. I try really hard, I memorize my resume and think of all the things I have to offer and go in with positive hopes and come out in tears at the mention of myself or why i "deserve to be there" and stuff feeling completely overwhelmed. I know Im talented, I know I have a great memory, and that I actually have a lot to offer, I just cant get through the day without crying when talking about myself, being under pressure (been in all fast food except BK, i failed in all of them, horribly, And at the possibility of getting the job, i do really well for a couple months and then BAM, nervous breakdown when I'm 20 minutes late (example) and freak out (im a pedestrian, and when im late 20 minutes late, im actually an hour late!) So I know you didn't mean offense... but what do you do in my case? (I haven't had insurance in 12 years, and out here insurance is a lottery you have to be chosen for. So what do you say to that? what do I do?
:um I hate crying, i Hate having no friends (and the people that by chance want to be my friend are either hopped up on meth which I refuse to be associated with, or they become completely obsessive and Never LEAVE ...I mean to the point of staying on my couch or knocking on my door every 5 minutes all day long, all week long..... and the fear of confrontation I have I start avoiding them). why cant I meet people that make plans, call before they come over, and actually want to hang out with me rather than use me for a place to live or something or desperately cling to me for dear life? I don't know what to do....I want friends to go do things with, that don't think I'm annoying and roll their eyes because I recognize every celeb from everything they have ever been in, or random trivia that I always have on my mind that if I don't say it out loud, I NEVER get it out of my head.... yeah... Im just wierd.


----------



## Dennyno

AlienFromSomewhere said:


> I think many people here understand your condition. A lot of us here are loners. You are not alone. Do you have problems with social anxiety though?
> 
> If you are just having a hard time making friends, try making friends online first. The best way to do that in my experience is to play an online game that you really like. From there you will meet a lot of people. It's easy to make friends with people who have the same interest as you, in this case those who love to play that game too. Then get their emails and keep in touch with em using messengers. My social skills are greatly improved that way.


my life has been ruined cause I did this way .....and now I prefer the life of loner than my previous life its true that I had some fun but in the end I was hurt so badly that I kept crying for months and now after I recovered I will just begin my loner life and no one can bother me again


----------



## Givemeabreak

It almost makes me cry to read that many of you guys do not have any friends. I wish I could help you and hang out  But sadly enough I live in the Netherlands, so I cannot reach the biggest part of the people here. 

I have to say that I do have friends. But it takes a lot of time for me to feel trusted with new people. It's almost impossible for me to make friends in groups. When we are one on one, and it feels good, the anxiety slowly goes away and then I can show the real me. I only have a mild form of SA, but it does bother me in daily life.

In the city where I live now (for study) I have two good friends and a few to hang out. It took me more than a year to reach this, while most of the students here have gotten a richful social life in only a few months time. Actually.. the first year I felt very lonely over here with no one to hang around. Every day I cried and thought that I wasn't worth being around with. I was glad I could go home to see my friends there. Despite that, I can relate to this big issue you guys sadly have 

I noticed since I had been in therapy, that I can make friends a bit more easier. Maybe therapy would help for you guys too. 

Wish you guys all the best. I hope it will get better for all of you soon. All of you are worth it!!!!


----------



## krizz

As a lot of people probably stated here, you described my life pretty well here. I can't find a word that really describes me, since loner and antisocial basically mean you don't want the company of others like you stated. I WANT to be around people, I'm just awful at it and as a result it makes me avoid them. It's sad, really, and painful to go through everyday with it in your mind. I wish I was a loner, or antisocial, because then I would be alone and okay with that, but I'm not.


----------



## alexhte

Same here guys. I want to be around other people too, but I don't know how to or what to do to approach people. Most of the people in my class are idiots and I really actually don't want to be mates with them. My routine is wake up, moan, get dressed, go to College, work extremely hard whilst eating no lunch, come home, do work, internet and go to bed. This is the same routine on weekends apart from no College. I wish I could make some more friends and it doesn't help that someone has been lying to me for the past four days and then told me that I'm the reason they cut themselves because they saw me dancing with a different girl at Prom which isn't my fault!


----------



## Cecile

*Commiseration*

The dictionary describes commiseration as _(n.) The act of commiserating; sorrow for the wants, afflictions, or distresses of another; pity; compassion._ which differs with compassion which means _to recognize the suffering of others, then take action to help_.

Don't you just hate commiseration? Don't you just hate to notice that sometimes people approach you just because they feel sad about seeing you all alone? When people are moved by commiseration and decide to do something about it it's *their* peace of mind that they try to quench by playing the hero. Pity is not niceness. Yes, sometimes it can be the origin of this but they not always coincide. Don't you just hate to know that people are trying to be nice to you just because they see you through the eyes of pity?

Well, I do. And maybe I'm the one to blame for looking so needy of help... :roll


----------



## matildaz

I just am tired, don't wanna face anyone... However, school started already, and I wanna finish study earlier than normal, so this semester I have lots of things to do, and I am attending classes of all 1st year, 2nd year, 3rd year and 4th year groups, and sometimes it's just messing up... My classmates do wanna talk me, but I just don't wanna anyone, I wanna be happy but I just can't, I just enjoy showing sad face, I don't know why, maybe that's what I feel inside... Maybe I don't belong here, feel it's like I'm some alien in the world...


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## InMyDreams55

sprode said:


> Yes you've written my life story as well. It's like, why should I try living if I can't ever make friends?


Add me to the list too. Totally agreed.

But now that i'm at a real university, i am actually going make the effort to make friends. So hopefully new friends are on the way.

Keep your heads up guys. I am trying to stay positive that things will eventually change.......


----------



## Aknid

I'm like this, except I'm unemployed on a ''gap year'' so I don't do anything. I've been learning to drive, and help out my mum driving around and in her office. But everytime I go outside it's for something non-social and it's been this way since I was 11 (I'm 18 now). Moving to a new country hasn't helped.


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## ohsohungry

Ah, I would like friends too.


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## MissGemmaRogers

Im exactly the same. Every day I see these people at school with hundreds of friends laughing and having fun and I wonder why I cant be like that. Even at home I sit in my room alone and away from people


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## matildaz

Yeah that's the feeling, I see people laughing and messing around, looking so happy, but I just sit there quietly, feeling it's like the world is not for me, but for them... And I usually just talk formally I guess... And when I stand in front of the class giving presentation, I can feel my voice trembling...


----------



## Toppington

Welcome to the club... :|


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## Bcal

Dear everyone who is or has dealt with sa,

I want to tell you my personal experience with SA. At age 12 i was diagnosed with ocd. At age 14 i was diagnosed with SA. Im 16 now. When i was diagnosed with thses, i had little friends, and the friends i did have didnt like me a whole bunch. But slowly, i began to get better socially through hard work and determination. I did things that terrified me, such as talking to girls or twlling a joke in class. The first few times i had horrendous anxiety, but i slowly got better and better. Right now i have a lot of friends, i play sports and talk to a few girls. A few years ago i had no friends and spent most of my time by myself. I am not trying to brag but i have read many posts on here and what i see is people accepting that the lives they lead. Its fine to accept having sa, but if you want to get better you have to believe that it is possible to get better. What i see is a lot Of people who have resigned to living with terrible sa when they dont have to. Also notify your family so they can get you help or get it yourself. It helps a lot. When i say help i mean psychologist/medication/groups. I wanted to post my story on here hoping that it would help someone. If it helps one person then it will have been very worth it to me.


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## foshizzle

I'm 44 and this describes me to a T. Don't spend your entire life hiding from social situations, it's not worth it. I came out of my shyness a bit over time now I find myself with no confidence, no identity, no self esteem and virtually no friends. It takes hard work but I believe this can be overcome. Just don't spend your entire life hiding cuz believe me it is possible and not worth it. Or if you do at least spend your time doing something constructive -- don't just watch TV or find escapes. Listen to music, pick up a hobby, read books, and most of all try to join some kind of social group. That way when you do meet someone you have some interests to share. : ))


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## usagi24

Hi. Welcome to our little group! To be honest, I am quite a bit like you. I do have friends, but I only get to see them during lunch and dinner. We don't really do anything together. I'm also 24, female, but still have one more year in college. I, too, spend my nights either working, studying, exercising or hanging out on the internet. You're right, it does get pretty lonely. But don't worry! You can always talk to us! Now, I will try to give some advice as best as I can. When it comes to making friends, I find it's best to go to places that interest me. For example, you said you like to exercise. Try checking out a class of some sort. I'm sure you can meet all kinds of people there. I hope things work out for you, and I'm here if you need to talk.


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## socialphobia23

I haven't went out in like 10 years and i'm 23. Haven't had friends in 7 years. Now i feel like too much of a loser to change, i have no confidence because i don't exist to my town and don't know what a social life is for people my age. Never been to a party or anything, i'm terrified of groups of people i can only talk to people one on one or maybe small groups.


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## intheshadows

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people.


Welcome to the 21st century.


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## usagi24

socialphobia23 said:


> I haven't went out in like 10 years and i'm 23. Haven't had friends in 7 years. Now i feel like too much of a loser to change, i have no confidence because i don't exist to my town and don't know what a social life is for people my age. Never been to a party or anything, i'm terrified of groups of people i can only talk to people one on one or maybe small groups.


I agree. The smaller the group, the better. From what you are saying, you sound like you could be an introvert. So am I. The thing is though, you really need to push yourself. If need be, you may have to go a little beyond your comfort level. I did that once, and I felt so much better about myself. Unfortunately, because of circumstance, I'm starting to hide again. It's gotten to the point where my family is telling me I need to go out and party. Of course, that's easy for them to say. They're extroverts.


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## amathew

Loner here. No friends, no girlfriend (ever) and I am 26.

On most days, I get up, go to work, go back home, watch tv, sleep, and repeat.

Beyond my parents, who live in a different state and call me every other day, I could go days without interacting with anyone besides my co-workers and parents. It is a very lonely existence and I wish I could change.


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## burgerchuckie

I'm sort of a loner. Sort of because when I searched for the definition of loner, It says someone who wants to be alone and avoid social interaction. I want to be alone most of the time, but I don't really avoid social interaction. I'm shy yes but not shy enough to not talk to anyone in school. I have very few friends. They were my Highschool classmates. I'm pretty sure they are my friends but not close enough to be like sisters and brothers. We don't really hangout. We just chat on facebook. I only have 1 guy friend, the rest are girls. I'm not gay though. It's just that I haven't met a guy with the same interests as me. I'm 19 and soon to be done with college. I'm in the point in my life that I wanna have a bestfriend. Someone whom I can treat as a real brother. Maybe when I start to work, I will meet one. Hopefully.


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## fire mage64

matildaz said:


> Yeah that's the feeling, I see people laughing and messing around, looking so happy, but I just sit there quietly, feeling it's like the world is not for me, but for them...


I feel the same way... Its as if I don't deserve to be happy like that.


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## 7th.Streeter

|30|3 said:


> I'm not exaggerating at all when I say everything you've said explains my situation. I too prefer the company of others, but I don't know how to make friends, it's almost like I'm at that stage in my life (21) where people aren't TRYING to make friends anymore and are already satisfied with what they have and are beginning to settle down.
> 
> My day only consists of going to school and coming straight home because I don't know what else to do. I feel awkward when I'm by myself trying something. If I just had someone I could hang out with and do things with I'd be so much better :sigh .


I agree with what this person said. Its like once you hit 20 , heck when you reach high school its as if everyone already has their group of rewinds and aren't willing to let any outsiders in. I'm alone as well, I'm 20 no friends its been like that since HS no br, irk I feel my life is sorta pitiful. I'm not in school yet I'm getting my GED have one more test to take. If I were in school it'd help me feel less lonely, I don't mind going to clubs and whatnot but I'm just stuck at home. Sigh. SA sucks the life outta your life.


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## 7th.Streeter

SAgirl said:


> I've stopped waiting for friends. If I want to go ice skating, I go ice skating, If I want to go to the gym, I go to the gym. I can't sit around waiting for friends.


Same, last Monday, I went to a waterpark w/ my mom and brothers. I wanted to go on a ride, but lots of people were there and I felt nervous, I kept begging my brother to come with me so I wouldn't have to go alone, but he was shier than I was. When he wouldn't. go I sat down in the water at the kid's area debating whether to go or not, then after a while I stood up and went bymyself. When I went down that water slide I didn't think of the people around me or the fact I was alone, I was too busy laughing and having water splashed in my face. And I'm glad I did it, and I heavily agree w the person I'm quoting you can't wait on people to have fun or you'll. wait forever, I'm gonna put more effort into making friends but if there's something I want to do I'm doing it with or without friends and not gonna worry about people who think I'm "lame " . What a person says or does says more about them than the world around them


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## whatevzers

Sugarslippers said:


> Same, last Monday, I went to a waterpark w/ my mom and brothers. I wanted to go on a ride, but lots of people were there and I felt nervous, I kept begging my brother to come with me so I wouldn't have to go alone, but he was shier than I was. When he wouldn't. go I sat down in the water at the kid's area debating whether to go or not, then after a while I stood up and went bymyself. When I went down that water slide I didn't think of the people around me or the fact I was alone, I was too busy laughing and having water splashed in my face. And I'm glad I did it, and I heavily agree w the person I'm quoting you can't wait on people to have fun or you'll. wait forever, I'm gonna put more effort into making friends but if there's something I want to do I'm doing it with or without friends and not gonna worry about people who think I'm "lame " . What a person says or does says more about them than the world around them


That's a good analogy to SA. :yes


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## iNeedtoRelax

Ditto.


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## shopping44

*Understood*

I totally understand and get what you are dealing with. I have a job but everyone is so much older than me. I only know a few aquantences through my husband. I have a 8 month old baby so its even more difficult to meet a friend. Idk how to meet someone. I feel the need to have friends so bad. i get jelous when my husband goes out with his work friends. I want to go (can't cuz of baby) but also its a guys thing. I so badly want that but don't have a way to even meet people.


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## feelinghopeless

i can totally relate to this. for me going to college each day is a struggle. i never look forward to it. while every one has fun i just sit in a corner and stare at the space. it's not that i didn't try to make friends. in the beginning everything seemed to be going well as people use to talk to everyone. but gradually people started making their own groups and i didn't fit anywhere. i am really anxious about what my classmates and teachers think about me when they see me like this..i hate it when we have to do any group activity as i will be the last choice in any group


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## apwarrior99

Just now made an account when I found this site after going to Google and typing in "19 yr. old loner no friends". I was reading through many of the posts on this thread and of course I'm on the same boat. I'm a 19 yr. old loner with no friends and it affects me emotionally sometimes. I've only been able to make casual friends because the other person always ends up moving on without me. I've never been to a friends house not even as a kid :/. I mean, I grew up in a small town and knew these kids from Catholic school, but they've all moved on with their lives and I don't even think they give a crap about me. Lonely throughout Jr. High and HS too (Jr. High is when I went through major changes and it was my first time in public school system and I was soooooo naive; that's where I "fell apart". Took a year off after HS graduation (in which I was lonely during the ceremony :/...) and got my 1st job at Walmart in town, but it's sorta the same there. I work overnight maintenance and I'm the youngest out of the people I work with (everyone else is 40+ so it's not really as "fun" as it would be if I were hanging out with someone around my age; no offense). I try connecting with other teens at work, but they're always on their phones Facebooking or texting. I don't use social media or all these fancy phones because their really stupid IMO. I guess I act a little more "mature" than them since I'm either reading a book or studying my foreign langauges (I plan on living in Japan someday and I wanna play pro basketball there). I just like to learn about new things no matter what they are so I guess you could say I'm "boring". Anyways, lonliness sux at times. My time is always spent studying things, training, and just keeping my s*it together. I really wanna hang out too. I got to know some of the teens and asked them if they wanted to hang out, but who has time for me? 2 days ago an associate who works overnights told me that they told her that they thought I was gay and they wanted to avoid me as much as possible. What's up with that? Teens are too damn naive these days. This is my last year to be a teenager and I haven't done anything with anyone. No movies, prom, dances, getaways, carnival rides, etc. If you think that's bad enough, some of my teenage relatives don't even wanna hang with me! They always leave me behind and talk with their friends. I just wanna enjoy my youth while I still have it because it's not gonna last forever right? It bothers me when I watch these anime shows and observe the friendships that go on in them like Slam Dunk, Kuruko no Basket, Bleach, etc. I wanna feel that sense of companionship like they do. I'm still trying though.


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## lost91

Kind of in the same situation here but it don't bother me as much. I've always been ok with keeping to myself and not going out as much. Don't get me wrong I do go to school/work but thats about it. The few people I talk to are just acquaintances and not people I can really relate to enough to chill with them. You'll get used to it I guess..


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## sandeepa

S


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## Sleeper92

loner is someone who likes being alone,a person who hates being alone and cant make friends...well i think that is called losser.I used to be a loner now am a losser


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## Signet

Yes, loner is really better


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## Rue

Story of my life. Primarily the reason I joined this forum. It's a little depressing staring at Facebook or listening about the social lives of my sisters because I'm the eldest and I'm sitting at home, with no friends whatsoever. I mean, it's possible to make friends but since I"m no longer in a college setting and workplace is just dull as ever and not everyone is really the most positive person to hang out with, it's just...bleh. So boring.

I usually rely on my sisters for social life. Used to do so with my youth group at church but since I'm a Sunday school teacher and a bit older now, it feels really off hanging out with them. Always felt off but much more so these years since those closer my age have parted off to live their lives...

Ahhhhhhhh. I used to really enjoy my alone time. I did a lot of writing and designing back during university day. I wish I could get myself back into it but I'm so burned out from school and work doesn't make things any better. It's not horrible but nothing amazing either. Baahh...

Sometimes being alone is exactly what I need but other times, I just wish people wouldn't be so indecisive or boring. The one tiem I actually want to go out, people make excuses like they don't have money or don't feel like doing it. Irritating...a bit.


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## vitaminu100

Yep, I imagine a lot of people on here can relate to your story.
Man I hate seeing like 16 year old kids with way better lives than me. I remember how I was at 16, and I was fvcking miserable... nothing's changed.


----------



## Wrong Galaxy

Great title thread I should say. So perfect for me coz I have severe SA. Hahayzzz.


----------



## Alkline

I am practically the same except that I love being alone except in certain situations when I'm feeling really lonely. I got a few friends outside but I'm not that fun to be around. Things that they like to do don't interest me and I have to fake myself into making myself seem like I care about that. Also, I have a really low self-esteem and think too much of what people think of me and of course always blush even at the smallest things. I am good at making friends just not in person. I play two online games and I have made a lot of great friends and added them to skype and keep in contact with them daily. But in real life, I love keeping to myself but I wish I could have better social skills in real life.


----------



## Odinn

As you can see you really aren't alone on this one.
I too have no friends or acquaintances to go outside with, I stay home all the time. It all came crashing down when I was like 14.
I really don't know how to get out of this terrible loop.
But coming here is making me feel both better and worse.
One thing you should be comfortable knowing is that alot of people here understand what you're going through. And alot of us with help you through it.


----------



## meanmachine13

Aside from my live-in boyfriend, I have no close friends and never really have. I have never had the friends that would ask me to hang out or would invite me to events/outings. 

I have gotten used to it for so long that now I have no idea how to actually have friends that want to do anything. I find that if I do get asked to hang out, I have no idea what to do or how to interact with people.


----------



## solitaryazzman

apwarrior99 said:


> Just now made an account when I found this site after going to Google and typing in "19 yr. old loner no friends". I was reading through many of the posts on this thread and of course I'm on the same boat. I'm a 19 yr. old loner with no friends and it affects me emotionally sometimes. I've only been able to make casual friends because the other person always ends up moving on without me. I've never been to a friends house not even as a kid :/. I mean, I grew up in a small town and knew these kids from Catholic school, but they've all moved on with their lives and I don't even think they give a crap about me. Lonely throughout Jr. High and HS too (Jr. High is when I went through major changes and it was my first time in public school system and I was soooooo naive; that's where I "fell apart". Took a year off after HS graduation (in which I was lonely during the ceremony :/...) and got my 1st job at Walmart in town, but it's sorta the same there. I work overnight maintenance and I'm the youngest out of the people I work with (everyone else is 40+ so it's not really as "fun" as it would be if I were hanging out with someone around my age; no offense). I try connecting with other teens at work, but they're always on their phones Facebooking or texting. I don't use social media or all these fancy phones because their really stupid IMO. I guess I act a little more "mature" than them since I'm either reading a book or studying my foreign langauges (I plan on living in Japan someday and I wanna play pro basketball there). I just like to learn about new things no matter what they are so I guess you could say I'm "boring". Anyways, lonliness sux at times. My time is always spent studying things, training, and just keeping my s*it together. I really wanna hang out too. I got to know some of the teens and asked them if they wanted to hang out, but who has time for me? 2 days ago an associate who works overnights told me that they told her that they thought I was gay and they wanted to avoid me as much as possible. What's up with that? Teens are too damn naive these days. This is my last year to be a teenager and I haven't done anything with anyone. No movies, prom, dances, getaways, carnival rides, etc. If you think that's bad enough, some of my teenage relatives don't even wanna hang with me! They always leave me behind and talk with their friends. I just wanna enjoy my youth while I still have it because it's not gonna last forever right? It bothers me when I watch these anime shows and observe the friendships that go on in them like Slam Dunk, Kuruko no Basket, Bleach, etc. I wanna feel that sense of companionship like they do. I'm still trying though.


Kinda the same way I found it, but I'm 26.

So I don't want to share my life story as much as hear how people who posted here in the beginning are doing. My only bit of advice is to walk with confidence, fake it and it'll help people warm up to you. Most people are like moths searching for light. Shine on you crazy diamonds.


----------



## solitaryazzman

meanmachine13 said:


> Aside from my live-in boyfriend, I have no close friends and never really have. I have never had the friends that would ask me to hang out or would invite me to events/outings.
> 
> I have gotten used to it for so long that now I have no idea how to actually have friends that want to do anything. I find that if I do get asked to hang out, I have no idea what to do or how to interact with people.


My now ex gf was kinda like that. We relied on each other. I was a big wad of semen in her eyes though. Not nice to her, dismissive. I think I pushed her away because I didn't want to be hurt or feel vulnerable. Last six months she started going to bars, hanging out with new people, and generally trying to get out there. It's worked for her. I felt left out and jealous, but glad I didn't pull her down in the end. It's good to see someone like us break free from their fear. I think bars are alright, but they tend to be loud and full of noise. I like drugs and stimuli, but bars just feel kinda raw and negative to me depending on the place. I dunno if I'm anxious or autistic, but people don't scare me. I have trouble enjoying conversation. The other day I was alone in the hot tub with a bodacious girl. She says she loves this part of the workout. I agree and mention how many bubbles are in the damn water. Bubbles! It was an ice breaker, we talked awhile. It was nice, she was friendly and shared intimate details. She likes drugs and chipotle too. She's a teacher. I could use a tutor.


----------



## failed101

solitaryazzman said:


> Kinda the same way I found it, but I'm 26.
> 
> So I don't want to share my life story as much as hear how people who posted here in the beginning are doing. My only bit of advice is to walk with confidence, fake it and it'll help people warm up to you. Most people are like moths searching for light. Shine on you crazy diamonds.


Ha, nice advice :yes *I should try that next time*
Diamonds? I prefer rubies


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## solitaryazzman

failed101 said:


> Ha, nice advice :yes *I should try that next time*
> Diamonds? I prefer rubies


Thank goodness, I can't afford a (nice) diamond! I hope my economic rank and social status doesn't get in the way of us sharing a drink, dinner, and a massage. :boogie

See I'm saving that line for later, but I feel like it might come across as too alpha male. God forbid I let my inner tiger roar and take what I want! No, I'm going to over analyze everything and be all stupid nice! Shame on me, shame on me! I think the real trick is being alpha in bed and beta in everything else. Women like a nice guy, but a dick in bed. Pun intended.

As to the walking with confidence, I mean it physically. Like walk like you've got somewhere to be or you're incredibly important, people will pick up on that and give you more attention. I think it works, anyway. If anything at least you'll look more positive. I found that tip on reddit I believe.

As for women, from a guy's perspective if you smile and are warm, then we're game to be friends and beyond. I think a bashful girl is sort of accepted in society over a male. :rub I do like a woman who takes control though. I think nowadays it's more common for women to approach guys to be friends, etc.


----------



## TheaterofHope




----------



## Tyler Lebowski

*Egg of Columbus*

Fully aware of the fact that I stumble in here as the noob of noobs, and I haven't paid my dues in the form of reading enough to know what I'm talking about.

And given the fact that the world is a big place, and most of you won't live withing 1.000 miles of each other...

But how about some of you get together and grab a beer. Or a rhubarb smoothy or something. And then team up to steal a police vehicle, or to exchange macrame patterns, ... That's the stuff of Soulmate Bonding.

I hope this doesn't come across as an attempt at sarcasm, because for all the right reasons, I'm a loner too. (I treat people like the treat me: sometimes nice, but it usually involves resentment, loathing or a mixture of anticipatory fear and disentchanted distrust.) :yes


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## Delta62onhalo

I used to have friends, I was actually popular in school, I had girls who liked me, I was confident, but when I asked my parents if some of my friends could come over to my house, they said no. So I never became real close friends with anyone. A year later, I was no longer popular and I had few friends. And now, I have no friends, I am not confident in myself anymore. I think it was the realization that I was never going to be able to get close with anyone that brought me down. I gave up trying to be a good friend because I knew that I couldnt actually get to have much fun time to spend with them. There also have been many girls that liked me, but I just did nothing and they eventually stopped liking me, again that is because I knew my parents would never allow it. I now feel very lonely and sad. I see everyone around me having good laughs and conversations with friends, I just sit in silence. I hope that this is as bad is it gets. My parents say they wont let anyone over because they are afriad the people who come will get hurt, and that we will be sued. Well I've given up on a lot of things socially


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## loneranger

I know how it's like not hanging out with people. It can be relaxing, but I got to the point that I realized I am a loner.


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## sociallyawkwardperson

I have "friends" but none of which are close to me. We never get together on weekends or after school. My routine has just been go to school, smile like i'm fine with how i'm living, go home right away and just hop on my computer and sleep. It's become such a daily routine that i'd probably feel empty inside if i changed it. But i want to change it. I'm tired of not doing anything except being on the computer with my free time. I occasionally go out to do necessities like shopping but that's it. I just want some interaction with other people who i can treat like friends, even if i won't ever be able to see them, just talking to them fills up the hole created. My weekends are spent alone watching shows or browsing the internet, boring yeah. I just want to talk to people who feel the same way as me =/


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## kc1296426

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/did-you-know-that-you-can-232638/


----------



## newbornmind

EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD...

READ THIS:

http://www.succeedsocially.com/allarticles#makingfriends

study it, then get out there and practice it.

That site is gold.


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## Osric

The best course of action is to develop some positive reference experiences socializing. Eventually you'll learn how to enjoy it and people will become drawn to you. It takes several years of commitment though.


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## Lyd

Same here, however i just accepted it and have had given up in an attempt to make friends with ppl. I am not bubbly perky or loud. I can't gel with my boss or my colleagues so I rather just be alone and sleep. It hurts less.


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## ACCV93

Same I don't have friends either, don't let it bother you though.


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## Mrsjackson

*Loner, tried friends*



Mc Borg said:


> :ditto


I am 46 years of age very out going, married for one year, there were two friends that I thought I had, believe it or not after I got married my so called friends vanished' and actually stop calling me, one actually admitted she was mad because I didn't invite her to the wedding, WE ELOPED!! WOW so now I tend to do thing with my husband who is my best friend, or alone.


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## bigbossman

your story is the same as mine but a go to work do my duties 
i try to talk ill be sittin in the office with 2 of my co workers and a just dont know what to say i ask a question and a get hardly anything back 
then go home and ave been doing that for 5 6 years a dont know how to do that small talk thing i need sum thing to talk about but a dont do nothing to talk about 
a dont get how people can talk for hours about nothing is anybody eles like this cause a feel like my the only one like this


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## newbornmind

ACCV93 said:


> Same I don't have friends either, don't let it bother you though.


Terrible advice. So we should settle for being miserable? 

It SHOULD BOTHER YOU. We all need friends. Do whatever it takes to go and get SOME friends, and SOME social life.

We evolved as a species IN A TRIBE, which means it's intrinsically part of us to need social connection (friends).

Please watch my video on meeting your basic needs:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...ards-social-confidence-230974/#post1060963162


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## cosmicslop

I'm naturally introverted and have a lot of problems with avpd along with SA, so these 3 things combined killed my social life a long time ago. I don't plan to resurrect it either.


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## Ekamown

Me as well, being an outcast.


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## Shred

I am feeling lonely since forever. I am 20 years old. I am doing everything by myself. I prefer human company, especially if I want to see a movie or enjoy other activitie. I miss going to a movies. I usually dislike many people although from time to time it happens that I find the right one, the one I enjoy being with. During my school years, I had a best friend, the only person I could talk eye to eye and enjoy it. I felt lonely then too.. it is so hard to rely only on one person. But the highschool ended and we went separate ways. I don't have trouble to fitting into groups at first, we hang out and stuff. But after some time people will write me less and less and suddenly I am outcast again.
Usually I find new friends when my enviroments changes, but they don't last long, probably I don't know how to keep them. All in all I end up alone in the end. My last enviroment change was when I joined the university, but now it's 1,5 years passed and people pushed me away so I am alone. 
I am feeling better when I don't see people. I get used to loneliness, talking with them just reminds me we have nothing in common and I get sad. I wish I had at least one people that would call me friend. Nobody asks me how my day was or what my plans are. My so called friends spent their new year together and didn't bothered to ask me to joing them. And they didn't bother to ask afterwards where I celebrated ( luckily it was good). Well that really hurts. I would rather be totally alone then have these shallow relationships.
Last week I got so depressed I skipped all lectures and stayed home. Noone bothered to ask what happened, all they know I could be dead.
I am alone and closed up, but still talking with people, but I fail to bound with people in a deeper way.


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## PaxBritannica

Are friends really important?


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## Sinatra

Your post pretty much sums up my life I'm a loner too and I'm super awkward around people. It angers me a lot, because I want to have friends and go out and do things with others but I don't.


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## Omgblood

The last 2 months I have been trying to initiate outings with old friends and acquintences but none seem interested or they're busy...

Earlier I saw my neighbors (probably a couple years older then I am), a couple left together in their car.. I couldn't help but feel a little bad myself because what the hell am I doing? Just doing small maintenance crap on my car but that gets kind of old.. all im gunna do is just go to the gym... because thats all I _can _do at the moment

I can try to go hang out by myself but that seriously isn't the same without companions

edit; these mothr****rs are at home playing video games and dont want to hang out wtf


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## Kml5111

I am stuck at trying to make friends because well I can't respond in the correct way and end up being quiet and watching others take control of the conversation.


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## Weed n Boxing

bigbossman said:


> your story is the same as mine but a go to work do my duties
> i try to talk ill be sittin in the office with 2 of my co workers and a just dont know what to say i ask a question and a get hardly anything back
> then go home and ave been doing that for 5 6 years a dont know how to do that small talk thing i need sum thing to talk about but a dont do nothing to talk about
> a dont get how people can talk for hours about nothing is anybody eles like this cause a feel like my the only one like this


Trust me your not the only one. I have nothing to talk about ever.. and i mean ever


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## dal user

most of us on here dont have friends, im saying that because of what people post.

i'll never have friends because im simply a spaz and i don't look normal, i sound retarded as well so i can understand why people don't want to be my friend.


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## Captainmycaptain

I would be happy with even having one friend. I haven't had a friend in many many years. I do have 650 facebook friends, although I know almost none of them. I was in fact banned on facebook several times for several months for friend requesting people I don't know. On Saturday night, I wrote a post to my 650 friends 'who wants to go out for a drink? I'll buy. Private message me.' Not one person messaged me. I did get five likes, though.


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## DonSOLO

*Hi guys*

this will be my first post so heres a little about me. im 27 now but found out recently that i have SA, ive always been liked staying away from ppl who doesnt bring anything positive to my life, Since high school i've been told im antisocial, But as i grow older it keeps getting worse, had my last relationship 6 months ago and cant seem to shake it off. still single, been having unmeaning sex with females here and there. but still very unsatisfied with my life. I think im this way since my mom used to keep me indoors throughout childhood, never had a father so everyday i keep thinking is their fault for the way my life turnout. i love my mother and my life, but i cant stop thinking that imma die alone. Im good looking, but everytime i look at the mirror i feel like im just a waste. 
I also suffer from bipolar disorder therefore i cant keep a woman for a long time, and lately severe depression. I moved to vegas a year ago thinking that my social skills would get better, but i was very wrong. I cant stand thinking how people are having the time of their lives couple on feet away from my apartment,literally. while im just here laying on the couch watching tv, and when i do go out, i feel so alone im not able to stay there wherever i am for longer than 1 hr, seeing how people look at the guy that's always alone. ITS LIKE IM A PEOPLE REPELLENT. went to a depression group twice but just sat there, couldnt handle it. 
Anyways thats my story, hopefully someone feels the same and give me some good advice


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## teopap

Same here. 21 years old male. No friends to hang out with. I can easily make a friendship (if I will be in the proper environment, but I exhausted all enviroments) but can't maintain it. I know that if I make a friendship, the expiration date is very soon. 
So basically I am working in my job and then stay home all day. Oh maybe I will go jogging or biking on my own. I hope one day to get a well paid job, better than this torture I am currently working just to pay my family's debts, get my own appartment and make some efforts to live better and free, without my parents control. Get a car and start travelling in the nature to clear my mind (away from people coz they remind me how miserable is my life) and the rest Europe.


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## ReverseMirror

teopap said:


> Same here. 21 years old male. No friends to hang out with. I can easily make a friendship (if I will be in the proper environment, but I exhausted all enviroments) but can't maintain it. I know that if I make a friendship, the expiration date is very soon.
> So basically I am working in my job and then stay home all day. Oh maybe I will go jogging or biking on my own. I hope one day to get a well paid job, better than this torture I am currently working just to pay my family's debts, get my own appartment and make some efforts to live better and free, without my parents control. Get a car and start travelling in the nature to clear my mind (away from people coz they remind me how miserable is my life) and the rest Europe.


The same with me aswell. I'm 19 and I can make friends no problem, but they don't last long. I'm an attractive guy, but I have trouble getting a girlfriend due to my SA. It feels like my life is at a stand still almost like i'm in a matrix. I don't even have a job, all I do is use my computer most of the day and go to events from time to time. Sometimes I wonder whats the point of me eeven being here.


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## Starss

ReverseMirror said:


> The same with me aswell. I'm 19 and I can make friends no problem, but they don't last long. I'm an attractive guy, but I have trouble getting a girlfriend due to my SA. It feels like my life is at a stand still almost like i'm in a matrix. I don't even have a job, all I do is use my computer most of the day and go to events from time to time. Sometimes I wonder whats the point of me eeven being here.


You should go to school like communty college or something. So you can try to make friends there and you don't have to be stuck in the house 24/7.


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## nii92002

I'd have to say that I, too, am a loner mostly. But, I've gotten alot stronger over the years. I have to admit how I did it was through prayer - whether you believe in it or not....you should at least. And I believe you'll be helped tremendously. I got to a point where i was miserable in work, school, anywhere....b/c I just had such a hard time opening up to people - i think i feared judgement. But, i realized that we are all made different....but still equal. And, per a statistic i heard, 1 in 10 people won't like you anyway - no matter what you are. you have to realize that God made you exactly how He wanted you to look, think, talk like....and He thinks you are perfect how you are....He created you that way. So, you shouldn't put down something that God created....b/c there is a reason you are on this earth....you have a purpose. What I find is most helpful in those moments i struggle with loneliness is: I pray about, leave it up to God (instead of trying to work it out on my own - b/c I can't on my own), and then keeping myself busy. And smile at people to show yourself friendly, and each day try to say something to someone - with your head held high. Some days are good, some days not so much. And also, if you take your mind off of yourself for about 5 mins - help someone, pray for someone etc......you really do feel alot better, almost instantly. Listen to Joyce Meyer - she has gone through it all and is awesome on this subject. Hold your head up - b/c there is a reason you are here - you've got something no one else on the earth has! And i mean truly mean to anyone out there wondering what their purpose is!


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## Ghost in the Shell

I don't want to pop your bubble, but if there was any "God", there wouldn't be any SA to begin with. I mean, how can any god be so cruel to certain people?


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## Starss

Ghost in the Shell said:


> I don't want to pop your bubble, but if there was any "God", there wouldn't be any SA to begin with. I mean, how can any god be so cruel to certain people?


+1


----------



## Drywalling

This describes me and all the advice everybody gives doesn't work for me. I am 35 and I have been analysing the issue of why I can't make friends since I was 10, that's a quarter of a decade of studying this issue. 
I have done everything suggested, I went to uni, I really did my best to go out, dance, join clubs etc. didn't work. I have joined loads of things I have got an interest in from sports stuff to arts. Didn't work. I have travelled all over the world and volunteered in lots of places, so its not like I don't try to get out there, confront my fears and weaknesses. I have the whole quite confidence thing going you would never know that I was sa or even shy. I have worked and temped in all sorts of places. Still I don't make friends. 
I think about what's wrong with with me, I don't have an air of desperation, I know enough social skills not to stick out to much, nobody dislikes me and people generally find me pleasant enough, I'm not dull and boring, I'm full of life and I am interested curious and passionate about things, but despite all this I can't do this mysterious thing called making friends. 
I mean even my weird old shuffly dad who has no social skills, lives in a cold dark flat by himself and cant really converse very well gets invited to parties and gets christmas cards. after all this evidence i can only only come to the conclusion im just fundamentally unlikable. 
Its just the way i am, i accept that. pleasant and aquaitanceable but lacking in the character and warmth that leads to a connection. its an extra factor i dont have a term for.
Why then should I want friends? Well I don't mind being alone, I am better at being alone that most people, but being alone all the time I'm stuck in an internal endless monologue with myself. I need a break, I would occasionally like to go out to a restaurant or a bar,have the night whizz by in some silly giggly fun. I would like to have somebody to talk to when I am having a bad day, I would like to share things, experiences, discuss. Just hang out with people I feel comfortable with that I can talk about anything. I don't have family that I have a bond with. There have been a couple of brief spells when I was much younger when I could do that. I would like to again. So I'm often lonely and bored despite my best efforts to keep myself busy. Also these moments they are what make life and break up the monotony. Nothing will ever change with me and I am bored of life and the effort it takes to keep going. I want it to end because I don't see the point of merely existing. I've felt this since the age of ten. I can't end it because it would make my mother feel guilty and a failure. She knows she was a poor mother. She's not a bad person, she doesn't deserve to be miserable. Since for me existing is not a state of unhappiness just a chore, I will keep going until the day she dies, then its a trip to the nearest cliff for me. I have tried all your suggestions given it my best shot but I will always be friendless and alone. 
My theory is that some people are just not meant to live, i have the mental equivalent of missing lungs I.e I in some way, I guess in someway my brain is wired, lacking an essential thing to make friends, to be with people, to live a life, the way if you had no lungs you would biologically lack the essential thing to live.
Sorry for the long post, I have been thinking about this topic for so long and I never had an outlet to share before.


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## Drywalling

Sorry I have contradicted myself, I am obviously not full of life, I just appear to people like I do, what I mean to say as far as I can tell there is nothing about me that puts people of consciously. And by full of life I don't mean loud or bubbly, just a person who has a diverse range of interests and been around.


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## Justalone

I long for some kind of social interaction all day, yet I'm so afraid of it I avoid it leading to just a never ending cycle of self hatred. I go to school but while everyone is out having the time of their lives I just waste it in front of my computer worrying someone might knock on the door. People think I'm weird, I can tell, when I walk through the a hallway with another person I hold my breath because if I don't I become red , my heart beats faster, and I start panting. All I think about is wishing I had just one companion, just one friend to get me through life. The truth is though My only "friends" are random people on video games I play to keep my mind off how much I hate myself. All I ever wanted to do was help people, I always loved the stories of George Washington and the heroes of the revolution, Abraham Lincoln freeing the slaves, and G.I.s liberating France from the Nazi's. I wanted to be someone that other people would look up to, but I'm just a loser who people make fun of behind my back and antagonize me to see how weird my reaction is until I just go home and cry until it's time to sleep. I think it's just ironic how my favorite part of life is being asleep.


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## bigdog

I have the same social life you all described. 

It's never been this way, not ever. Growing up I ALWAYS had tons of friends and hung out. Highschool was great, I had a lot of friends and girlfriends. Once highschool was over I got in some trouble with some things and I unfortunately done something looking back I would never do again. If I could go back and change it I would in a heartbeat. I got in some trouble with distribution and did the dumbest thing I ever did and snitched on 2 kids ( I later found out that the reason I got in trouble was due to someone doing that to me). Anyway looking back at that I would NEVER have done that again, it was a cowardly move despite getting away scott-free. After that somehow it got out that I did that, only person that knew was my gf at the time. She told one friend and that person told everyone. What was once me having tons of friends and having things to do on the weekend turned out to me being alone and just having my gf . She later broke up with me and then the lonliness really started to hit me. 

At the time i was probably about 19 yrs old. I was in college and I once was always social and could make friends really easy but I just couldnt do it anymore. My now gf tells me I have social anxiety. I would just rather sit home and play computer games and watch tv and smoke weed by myself rather then going out and hanging out with peple or trying to make friends. Even though i wanted to do all these things and hang out with people I just couldn't i guess. I dk im sure you all can relate someway or another. As time went on I began to self medicate I guess and just get into pills and weed and pills and weed and just spiraled out of control. I just did all this stuff in my own confinement. To be honest, yeah there was times when i was down when it was friday night and i go on facebook and see everyone was doing things and i was a loser at home but i didnt care that much because i was ripped and enjoying my night. 

6 years later now im 25 and i am still struggeling with my addiction issues and still living the same life of having no friends. I have some friends but they are people who are addicts and i am trying everything i can to not be that person anymore so i do not want to put myself around them. The one very very very positive thing i do have in my life is a beautiful girlfriend who i adore and would do anything for. I sometimes feel that i will lose her though for being such a loser because i literally have no social life. She says i have social anxiety. She invites me out to the bar with her friends all the time but i always just end up passing because Im not into the bar scene anymore like i once was and considering i am trying to stop being an addict it helps not being around people getting drunk aka high. ( because its a trigger for me lol). She says shes positive i have social anxiety but who really knows.

Anyway the bottom line is I am too like all of you. I dont have my once really good job anymore as of recently because my addiction problem was becoming to unbearable to want to work. But i do live the same boring day to day life and only really living because the satisfaction of the one true best friend person i have and that is my gf.

Sorry for the long response of my exciting life. 

Wish you all the best of luck


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## Kalliber

I am here too


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## HopeinLife

At least you go to school, you're dong exercise, internet ect.

That is more than many SA can claim to do. Some cannot even face the prospect of going anywhere involving responsabilities and challenges with people.

I would say you only need to find people who share the same interests than you.


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## TSpes

Everybody in my school just kinda ignores me. I'm not bullied or anything like that at this point but it's like everyone just prefers to ignore the fact that I'm there. Kinda like a "we don't talk about it" topic.

idk, this last month was pretty bad.


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## invisibleman99

Hi All, Call me R. Im 25 1/2

I don't have SA. I just have no friends, I have one guy I consider by far my best friend but we hardly ever speak. I don't know where it all went wrong. I am not (or at least I don't think I'm an *******) I have been trying lately to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try calling and connecting on FB but everyone is living their lives. I have not been to college because the finances dont allow for me to take out a loan and all financial aid has all but dried up for my area. A job is not a possibility for a few reasons: 1 no One is hiring even for menial tasks (no not even mcdonalds call me an sos pad because I have scoured the internet) 2. 1 extremely overprotective and overbearing (S)mother 3. I would have to take public transportation and anything I would be making would be quickly flying out the window. 4 I have asthma that has a hair trigger and if I get a cold the asthma ALWAYS comes into play, no health insurance and for 4 days worth of medicine it costs 130.00. So by the time everything is said and done My money would be all gone. Not to mention the home life would be very strenuous because my father works 12+ hour shifts and my (S)mother is extremely lazy and I am basically a servant. I cook, clean, pay bills, bank, do her laundry, everything she should be doing for herself I am doing and If I dont do it it doesnt get done. Then My dad gets home he makes messes so I have to clean them yet again. I dont go anywhere by myself, I am an only child, and we never have any extra money to do anything with. So realistically how can I have friends? I feel like Cinderella except that ***** had those mice and that fairy godmother and got her prince. Closest things I have to that are my stuffed rabbit (who doubles as another friend), the guy that cuts my hair and hearing Prince on the radio. What about other family? my mom and her brother are all thats left on her side, and my living grandmother hates me, has no use for me (because she hates my father) never says I love you, My uncles and aunt are alcoholics who dont know they have problems. My grandfather and I arent close so there is no family I can turn to either. It feels like I am just alone. I have days when I feel like suicide is the answer, then I have days when I feel like people can go **** themselves if they dont like me. I am like 50 shades of messed up. Thanks for reading if you bothered. I sincerely appreciate it, more than you can ever know.


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## jimjam

|30|3 said:


> I'm not exaggerating at all when I say everything you've said explains my situation. I too prefer the company of others, but I don't know how to make friends, *it's almost like I'm at that stage in my life (21) where people aren't TRYING to make friends anymore and are already satisfied with what they have and are beginning to settle down.*
> 
> My day only consists of going to school and coming straight home because I don't know what else to do. I feel awkward when I'm by myself trying something. If I just had someone I could hang out with and do things with I'd be so much better :sigh .


I saw this and had to highlight it. I feel this all the time. I'll hit it off pretty well with a person, and yet still they aren't interested in making any sort of friendship out of it. Its those early mid twenties (like around 21 to 25) that everyone seems content with their friend circle they gathered from highschool, and aren't looking to expand.


----------



## Lonelyguy111

Welcome to SAS and you are among people who are the same way and I think you will find a lot of good information and useful thoughts here to help.

I have only been here a short time and have found a lot of wisdom and helpful posts here. We have all been through the same thing, so join in.

You are not alone in being alone !

Chuck

LOL.
Oops !
This original post was made like back in 2008 !
Ha ha ha ha.
I guess social anxiety is universal no matter the time and place.


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## jesse93

I know how you feel man, I don't have any friends, don't go to school, never had a job, never had a real girlfriend, all I do is sit inside all day, and go to the gym every night. But other than that I just sit here and feel so lonely, I can't talk to people at all. I don't know what to say to people, I don't know how to even begin to start a conversation with someone. It's hard being so lonely :/


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## nothing else

I'm a lonely too and basically invisible to everybody. I wish I could fly sometimes and then I'd be like Casper.


----------



## spiffmonkey1

just like me...I don't understand how to make friends that will hang out with you in college.


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## Surena

invisibleman99 said:


> Hi All, Call me R. Im 25 1/2
> 
> It feels like I am just alone. I have days when I feel like suicide is the answer, then I have days when I feel like people can go **** themselves if they dont like me. I am like 50 shades of messed up.


I think that suicide is almost never the answer , it's like admitting a defeat , I wouldn't want society to think that they got the better of me instead I think one should fight back . I am bullied on a daily basis but that doesn't keep me from going out , I experienced that I got more depressed when I stayed inside the house but it got better when I went out and enjoyed the world . The people who don't like you , well they don't matter , I never really waste any feelings on people who dislike me , it's fine , I used to hate them and sometimes I still do but it is such a waste of time and energy and it really makes one even more depressed , instead I rather focus on the beautiful aspects of life , although they're hard to see sometimes . But anyway , you are not alone , and everything will be fine , well at least that is what I always tell myself .


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## hanzitalaura

Trev said:


> My Routine is Avoid The sun, people and anything negative or at least what I percieve may be negative =\


This sounds just like me. I hate the sun and try to go out either really early in the morning or really late at night as this also helps avoid crowds.


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## twitchy666

does facebook make you cry?


----------



## AngelClare

lastexile said:


> I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream.


I used to be like you. I didn't realize that I didn't have friends because I didn't join any groups. Join a group at school. You can join the school paper, the year book team, the softball team, the debate team, the math team, a political group, a religious group, a charitable group, etc etc.


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## macaronparis

I feel the same. We can be friends if you want. What do you like?

I am a girl, 23, likes philosophy and politics. We may not click really fast, but we can try.


----------



## macaronparis

DonSOLO said:


> this will be my first post so heres a little about me. im 27 now but found out recently that i have SA, ive always been liked staying away from ppl who doesnt bring anything positive to my life, Since high school i've been told im antisocial, But as i grow older it keeps getting worse, had my last relationship 6 months ago and cant seem to shake it off. still single, been having unmeaning sex with females here and there. but still very unsatisfied with my life. I think im this way since my mom used to keep me indoors throughout childhood, never had a father so everyday i keep thinking is their fault for the way my life turnout. i love my mother and my life, but i cant stop thinking that imma die alone. Im good looking, but everytime i look at the mirror i feel like im just a waste.
> I also suffer from bipolar disorder therefore i cant keep a woman for a long time, and lately severe depression. I moved to vegas a year ago thinking that my social skills would get better, but i was very wrong. I cant stand thinking how people are having the time of their lives couple on feet away from my apartment,literally. while im just here laying on the couch watching tv, and when i do go out, i feel so alone im not able to stay there wherever i am for longer than 1 hr, seeing how people look at the guy that's always alone. ITS LIKE IM A PEOPLE REPELLENT. went to a depression group twice but just sat there, couldnt handle it.
> Anyways thats my story, hopefully someone feels the same and give me some good advice


I feel the same. I would say try doing sth u love? i m having a hard time too, but just wanna let u know u r not alone!!


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## TailsAlone

Same here, except that it's become so difficult for me to deal with people that often I really do prefer to be alone, to avoid triggering my symptoms. Every time I reach out in any way, I run the risk of getting hurt. It's just not worth it to me.


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## jlscho03

|30|3 said:


> I'm not exaggerating at all when I say everything you've said explains my situation. I too prefer the company of others, but I don't know how to make friends, it's almost like I'm at that stage in my life (21) where people aren't TRYING to make friends anymore and are already satisfied with what they have and are beginning to settle down.
> 
> My day only consists of going to school and coming straight home because I don't know what else to do. I feel awkward when I'm by myself trying something. If I just had someone I could hang out with and do things with I'd be so much better :sigh .


I was the same way. I've since graduated, and it's all the same for me, just substitute school for going to work. I do get out occassionally and will try more soon, hopefully. Winter is such a dull, depressing month.

To the OP, I go to the movies by myself occassionally. I would never dream of going to a big theater by myself, though. I recommend finding a discount theater. They are practically empty through the day and there are several people who watch the movies by themselves. Plus, you save money!


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## Goldeneye

As I sit hear glance at everyone testimonials, I realize in some strange way I find some comfort in everyone stories only because It mimics my life like a mirror,I came close more than once ending it all and I been to a shame to seek help , My SAD wouldn't allow me to even walk inside the building, talking to someone about this freakish disease is unthinkable. I honestly at one point use to wish I had something more self explanatory like cancer at least I wouldn't feel like such a looser , no concept of time, memories. We are zombies all of us are. We are the walking dead. I wish in my heart we could all find each other and connect, have the family, friends, and life we all dreamed about. I would love to have a play sister or a brother.......I would love to be that godfather, I'm a really good hearted person as I'm sure most of you are, but we will never know .......I curse this disease to eternal hell.


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## jnh12

I have the same issues and i am tired of it! I feel like a total failure at life. I went to school and i dont have a job. I dont even know where to start. I was raised by an abusive sociopath and a bordeline personality disordered mom. So, i have no idea how to be normal and make friends. I would like to find a small measure of success... usr my talents... something!


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## Justlittleme

well i'm glad i don't even care lol... who cares anymore. look at everyone caring about it when it wasn't even meant for our kind. jesus lol


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## Wulfgar

The weird thing is; I feel like im fully capable of making/having friends but for the most part no one will even associate with me at all...I think thats mostly where my anxiety comes from..The fact that Im just an unwanted outcast.....hanging out with people just bums me out because it always feels forced..like they'd rather be doing something else...so I hang out alone and usually have a better time anyway.


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## jesse93

I dont think some of you realize this post is from 2008 

but anyway, I also feel the very same as the OP, it's very hard to be alone, I finally found a job, thinking I would make friends there, and yet I hide myself from everyone so much, that they just gave up trying with me, so I watch as my coworkers laugh and joke with each other, and i'm stuck in a corner by myself. I've always been this way, I've always had the hardest time making any friends, it's so hard feeling like you don't even belong here.


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## Darknedsoul

TheGecko said:


> I know exactly what you mean. It's the thing that drives me mad, I want to be able to have friends but I am too terrified to even attempt to make any. Not that I would know how to do that anyway.


Hey dude, i am new here but i have read this post and of course i am the same, no friends no nothing just 24/7 shame. I can talk to you. be your friend.


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## Yatagarasu

I can totally relate. I've been trying to find some friends to hang out with for a long time and haven't found one. I've also been joining clubs; badminton, music, a guild in an online game. But everytime, people would just treat me like I don't exist. Everytime I ask to join their games, or gigs, they'd often ignore me. Sometimes, they told me that I'm not good enough to join them. What hurts the most was, the person whom I thought as one of my closest friend said that I wasn't good enough to play with him (online game). Although its just an online game. I have no talents nor nothing to be proud of in my life.

This has been happening for a long time and the only thing that keeps me away from suicide is thinking how painful it would be.


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## Tony80

*New*

I am new and from all I have read so describe my life on a daily bases. I do have a job, thank god. Finishing up my second master degree. But with all of the success I have been having I can say honestly I havent had a true friend or a group of friends to celebrate with. I didnt walk for my first master degree cause there would not have been anyone there cheer me on. Just as it was when I finished my undergrad....high school and even 8 th grade. I dont mind the loneness but it would be nice to have someone to talk too, hang out with, or celebrate some of my success with. I guess at this point in my life that might not happen.


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## GrainneR

I love how old this thread is.

Keep the dream alive.


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## shyguyred

I,ve been a loner to for years even around my friends and family I don't really feel any connection,im a social loner though if that makes since I am on good terms with a lot of people and have no problems having people to talk to,its just there,s usually no connection there and its all my relationships are superficial,doesnt really matter though because I,ve become a workalcoholic and cant stand hanging out and being unproductive or what most people call fun,i figured I,ll just work 90 hours a week then ,atleast I,ll have respect from people,i assocate with even if I don't have friends and I can say I don't have time to have friends because I work so much.

if I get depressed I,ll start drinking when im off just to stay buzzed,for my time off then go right back to working the whole week.i don't have many interests anymore so I don't really care,if I ever get off or have a vacation.i have no one left that cares about me so,i see know point in being unproductive and wallowing in self pity at home ,atleast at work they have to atleast pretend they care about me to keep the peace and so they look good to other people,most people I talk to like me any way and think im hilarious and interesting,no one knows how depressed I am,and I see no cure for It, I take meds already and have being seeing a therapists for years,they help a little,but I just go so I have someone to talk to so im not completely alone,and they have to act like they care because they get paid to.i never thought I would get to this point in my life how did I become so pathetic where did I go so wrong.


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## DefeatSAD

I am a loner too. After a while I just got used to it. It doesn't really bother me much anymore.


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## Dreamingdreams

yup thats basically me. and i just get so depresesed because of it. I see my sister, and everyone in my school being so happy with all their friends and their social lives, and it kills me every time. Before I had anxiety, I had a great group of friends. But that was in elementary school. Throughout middle school and high school, I strugled so much to have friends, and now I have very few friends and they're all very distant to me, or at least that's how I feel. But I guess if you want friends and you're unhappy with your social life, you can learn to think of it as a positive thing or take risks and find friends, which you are totally capable of doing, even though it might be really scary for someone with anxiety. But you're just like everyone else, so remember that.


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## DarkAngel28

*I feel the same way!*

I am not like this before. I guess that's because I live and go to school with the same people for 12yrs. I was comfortable having them around. I had friends, I dated, I was happy even life wasn't perfect. But I immigrated and everything changed. I work really hard in school and at work but no one seems to appreciate it. I talked to people at school but I can't seem to form a bond with them, I just don't feel comfortable around them at all. I try to hang with them despite the uneasiness but at the end of the day, at the end of school, they have no interest in communicating with me anymore. I try to talk to people at work but I can feel that they don't really like being around me at all. I know I may not be as smart as them in the job but I work really hard but my manager doesn't even noticed that, he only noticed me when I get something wrong. A co-worker of mine even said that he isn't like that to them. Life really sucks for me too. I feel really depress, I gained weight that even with exercise I can't seem to get rid off, I just don't have any confidence.. I guess we just got to live with that ..


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## aNervousGirl

rkrocks123 said:


> Yeah, this is pretty much what's happened to my close friends from high school over the past few months. They've developed new interests, made new friends and moved on with their lives while I feel like I'm staying exactly the same and just being left behind.


Just saw this reply from awhile ago--
The distancing between my friend and I ended up just being a random bump in our friendship. We're still close.

Hope it worked out similarly for you too!


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## Draconis

I'm a loner as a human being could get. I never really had close friends, people just pass by me and I'm perfectly OK with it. I had one "friend" in school that I didn't know anything personal about. I guess our relationship was "professional". The same goes for my years in university and currently at work. I don't need or want any kind of personal liaisons with people. I never have no desire to connect with anyone on a personal level - not with my parent or others. 
I read about people who suffer because they are lonely and I feel that maybe I should be suffering too, but I'm not. I love loneliness and loneliness loves me back.


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## drganon

Right now, I'm pretty much a loner. Working overnight and going to school online pretty much killed my already non-existent social life.


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## tonym9428

I'm a loner and have been so for most of my life.

I'm 28, male, indian american (came to US when I was 5 years old; no accent). I've always struggled with making friends, be it junior high, high school, undergrad, and grad school. Part of it is that I grew up in a very conservative asian home, this asian tiger moms. As such, I spent most of my school years being studios and had no friends while I was in jr high or high school. I thought things would change once I got to university as it was an opportunity to reinvent myself, but I just didn't have the social skills that "normal" people develop when they're young and I also would get really anxious in any social situation I got into. Therefore, most days at university ended up with me getting up early (5am), going to the gym, school, work, and then returning home. Once I got to grad school, I though things would change but I ended up being "the weird guy" among the grad school cohort. I was more awkward than most people in grad school and my daily activities still involved fitness, school, studying, and sleeping. I still had no friends.

It's been three years since I finished grad school. For the first two years, I was a statistician at a tech company and I'm now a statistician at an advertising agency. Throughout this whole time, I've gone out on occasion with coworkers to grab drinks during happy hour but people eventually get bored because I'm the quiet guy who just stands their smiling and never says anything. I'm just bored out of my mind, both with my life and work. The only think that keeps me going is my interest in applied mathematics, computer programming, and fitness. 

And the worst part, not having ever been on a date and never getting any positive attention from women. I'm educated, decent job, nice, etc. And while I'm probably below average in terms of looks, it's tough dealing with the fact that no one is interested or wants me. Even when I attempt approach women, it never goes well.


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## softness

I understand how you feel .. I've been there and I am sort of still there .. sort of.
The negativity is not going to help anyone. So, please get a little happy, little calm and breathe easy. I know how you feel. I totally feel ya.
But let me tell you a few things. The struggle is there but please please please for God's sake and for your own mental/physical health's sake, please do not get over-negative or over-positive about loneliness.
If you do not want to be lonely, it is understandable but if you can't stand being alone, then it is not kool at all .. at all. You should be calm and content even when you are alone. 
You guys are all talking about your friends who have a social life, but at your school/work place, have you noticed that there are some people who have a limited social life like yours (some may even be more alone than you are). How about talking to them? Have you tried that? Doing that may not be as difficult as it would be if you were talking with some popular kid on the block. Well, talking to lonely people may not sound fun and it may not really be that much fun because they may also take a while to open up to you. But well with time, you can have a good time together. At least it is a start to talk to people .. it can really help. And you do not really have to open up about your whole life. You, in fact, should never do that. The idea is to have fun .. so be positive (really honestly positive from within and outside both) and talk fun stuff like some comedy film, some funny event (funny doesn't mean you need to crack joke on other people) or just tease each other (do not overdo it and be sure that other person is not sensitive to the stuff you are talking about). Or just simply hang out. I mean you were quiet alone, now be quiet with the other person (you will for sure end up talking here and there to start with). Just understand this that the other person might be sad and negative too. Please do not let their negativity touch you. Your both inside and outside self need to be strong. Remember we are trying to create a happy environment for both of you. Your positive self should over-shadow any negativity that person may have because of being lonely. This does not means that you should not be sympathetic towards their sadness. If they want to talk about their sad story, listen to them and be sympathetic. Give them power to come out of the sadness but do not be their crutch. But do not just let them carry on with their sad story forever. They need to come out of it, so respond better when they talk positive. That will indirectly encourage them to behave positive and you two can feel good together.
What people (including you and me) basically need is the strength from within. Once you get that, you can do better in other areas of life as well.
Remember this that being a social butterfly is not easy either. There is a lot of judgemental talk, *****ing, political drama, back-biting, *** kissing involved as well. That can be really stressful. Be happy to stay out of all of that. Being involved in too much socialization with wrong people can cause sadness too but then if you are strong from within and clear that you are okay with a slow social life, then you can survive anything.
So, be calm .. take it easy. Do not be too lazy or frumpy in your appearance .. 

And if you are old enough to be employed, try to work towards a better paying job (unless you are fine with not much money). Having a comfortable financial situation can take away a lot of stress in life, which in turn gives you a calmer/saner mindset.


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## softness

Most of lonely life issues start because people try way too hard to socialize and then give up, either because they were not accepted by others, or they were bullied, or they found it stressful.
So, first of all, do not try way too hard. Remember, your self-respect and your own self-esteem matters the most. Never ever let your self get bullied. If possible, think forward and if you think a situation can put you in a situation with a bully who you cannot fight, avoid that situation. 
People like us (who are not born social charmers) need not give up. Remember you are still young and it wouldn't matter if you go slow and have an average social life. You need not be the life of every party. It is okay to just go there, have fun and come home with a light heart. 
Do not give too much importance to people, hear them out, if they crack a joke, laugh and have fun. if they need your support, give them a shoulder to cry on (but don't get carried away with their sadness) .. help them if you can. But do not carry too much emotional drama in your heart or keep huge expectations from them. They are your acquaintances to start with, friendship (for people like us) can take years to develop, which is totally alright. 
Do not be a total people pleaser. It is nice to be nice to people but do not over-do the pleasing. 
Understand that this world will run all over you if you give it a chance to do so. you do not want that to happen to you. So be practical. 
This world is made up of both good and bad. So, PROTECT yourself from the bad.
Protect both your inner self as well as the outer self.
Do not go all sissy pants or way too soft with people (even if they are nice to you) and do not wait for someone to encourage you to live a good life or validate your social self. Be strong and carry on. Protect your emotional/mental self from people who can bully you. If you are strong, not many people will mess with you. That is very important. 
Being strong means that if it isn't too dangerous, then give back to your bully, if required. It will make you feel better.


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## makenewfriends

*similar stuffs*

Hi.
I have a similar problem, I'm 24 years old, I feel like I can't make new friends, all my old 'friends' or people I used to hang out are all moving with their lives, I'm not longer in their lives, Or maybe I just feel that They don't need me as a friend.

I only have 1 best friend thanks god. But that's not the idea, i really want to have a group of friends or something like that to hang out. 
I don't know what's my problem, maybe I'm not fun enough? I can't keep thinking about my friends from the past.. really need to meet new people... And also, because I'm a girl, I don't want to make male friends because they all ended wanting a relationship, and that's sucks, those aren't friends, just people who want to find a match. :no

Well I'm open for new friends. anyone?


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## HellCell

makenewfriends said:


> Hi.
> I have a similar problem, I'm 24 years old, I feel like I can't make new friends, all my old 'friends' or people I used to hang out are all moving with their lives, I'm not longer in their lives, Or maybe I just feel that They don't need me as a friend.
> 
> I only have 1 best friend thanks god. But that's not the idea, i really want to have a group of friends or something like that to hang out.
> I don't know what's my problem, maybe I'm not fun enough? I can't keep thinking about my friends from the past.. really need to meet new people... And also, because I'm a girl, I don't want to make male friends because they all ended wanting a relationship, and that's sucks, those aren't friends, just people who want to find a match. :no
> 
> Well I'm open for new friends. anyone?


So are you going to prejudicely shut down all males because you assume they are incapable of platonic relationships?


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## shellbell89

*no social life*

So I read some of the posts and they help a lot. Knowing there are people out there like me, with little to no friends makes me feel better. I guess its hard to accept the fact that while I have a job, college degree, am active in fitness and love reading, and am in an indoor soccer league, I have not been able to make meaningful relationships, not even with my sisters, whom are like best friends to each other, I am definitely the third wheel. Anyway I am probably sharing too much but I don't know what to do and frequently wonder, is there something wrong with me? I am 24 and no friends, I just freeze up around people, mainly around my age. It sucks to feel lonely at times but I wish there was a way to meet people like me who are involved in life but have trouble developing a level of comfortability with peers and can't make friends. I guess I have to be patient and someday I will make true friends.


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## mjkittredge

If you want friends you have to show that you want them, and are open to it, in some way.

SA makes us seem like we DON'T want it! Facial expressions, posture, all our body language in social situations screams "I am scared and uncomfortable and nervous and hostile and defensive, leave me alone, do not approach!"

Smile. Relax the shoulders. Chin up. Arms open. Sit casually, not rigid. Say greetings in a friendly positive cheerful tone of voice. Just doing these basic things will drastically change peoples perspectives about you.


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## minimized

It may not be 2008 anymore, but it's still impossible to not be a loser.


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## Essellay

I too am a loner and always have been.

At school I used to wait the lunch break out in the bathroom by myself as I had no where to go, and no one to hang around with. At least I could shut the cubicle door and hide in there.

A work colleague once said to me how brave I was to go to the cinema by myself. I thought, it's not bravery, it's because I have no one to go with. If I didn't go places by myself, I would never go anywhere.

The thing is, although I wish for close friends, or a boyfriend, I'm scared that if I did have any of them, I couldn't cope. I need my own space and to live by my own rules. 

Is it, therefore, me actively keeping people at a distance? I am so used to having only my own company that anything else terrifies me, so maybe I am putting a social barrier up stopping people befriending me? Or am I just so boring that others don't want to know me?


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## hiddendoors

*Letting go of my self-hate*

My life is pretty screwed up right now. Basically at rock-bottom. 22 years old. Have a few friends but I don't see them very often, were all sort of out of touch now. Going to college part-time, basically just trying to fight through to get the degree. No job, lots of time on my hands. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and take drugs.

My past has weighed me down for a long time. I've spent a long time hating myself for what could have been. I could tell you about all the terrible things I've done and the wounds in my past from high school and college, but since hearing you all share your stories I'm starting to accept that it's not really all that important anymore.

All the same, I do want to share a little about myself for some healing.

When I was ten, my parents moved me away from our country home, abruptly ending my idyllic childhood filled with friends, family and a generally fit physical, academic, social and artistic life that I'd been living. This left a hole inside of me that made me kind of a desperate person through adolescence.

I was ditched by my "best friends" when I was 14. That pain of loss still haunts me. The best way I can describe how that felt - it was like crying a tear so huge, that it engulfed myself and entire subjective world, blinding me for years.

My parents divorced around the same time. I was left to emotionally take care of my (then) basket case mother alone.

Anways, all of this **** is really not that extraordinary. I know people have had it a lot worse. It just feels good to say them out loud, maybe someone can empathize.

All this ****, combined with my own mistakes and other factors led to high school and college years of almost total social isolation, academic underachievement, idleness, self-sabotaging, depression, anxiety and delusional thinking.

I just, I need to forgive myself for all of this ****. I wasn't a strong boy. I got rolled over pretty early on, and have been kicking around on the ground for a while now.

I was like a little bird that had its forest taken away, no more peaceful, solitary gliding through nature, no more safe nest, no more conversations with the other little birds on the branches. The forest was gone, and I wasn't strong enough to fly solo. So I crashed on the ground in the mud, and had to fend against the land animals. My cute little feathers got all dirty. My wings weren't really of much use anymore. Since then I've still been that bird, have only gotten dirtier, more self-hating, self-denying, lonely. Every once in a while I try to fly out of the hell I'm living in, but I'm not strong enough.

My plan is, love the little bird that I am and I was, and instead of trying to fly right away, first get off the ground, dust myself off and gain some strength.


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## Bubblestar

hiddendoors said:


> My life is pretty screwed up right now. Basically at rock-bottom. 22 years old. Have a few friends but I don't see them very often, were all sort of out of touch now. Going to college part-time, basically just trying to fight through to get the degree. No job, lots of time on my hands. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and take drugs.
> 
> My past has weighed me down for a long time. I've spent a long time hating myself for what could have been. I could tell you about all the terrible things I've done and the wounds in my past from high school and college, but since hearing you all share your stories I'm starting to accept that it's not really all that important anymore.
> 
> All the same, I do want to share a little about myself for some healing.
> 
> When I was ten, my parents moved me away from our country home, abruptly ending my idyllic childhood filled with friends, family and a generally fit physical, academic, social and artistic life that I'd been living. This left a hole inside of me that made me kind of a desperate person through adolescence.
> 
> I was ditched by my "best friends" when I was 14. That pain of loss still haunts me. The best way I can describe how that felt - it was like crying a tear so huge, that it engulfed myself and entire subjective world, blinding me for years.
> 
> My parents divorced around the same time. I was left to emotionally take care of my (then) basket case mother alone.
> 
> Anways, all of this **** is really not that extraordinary. I know people have had it a lot worse. It just feels good to say them out loud, maybe someone can empathize.
> 
> All this ****, combined with my own mistakes and other factors led to high school and college years of almost total social isolation, academic underachievement, idleness, self-sabotaging, depression, anxiety and delusional thinking.
> 
> I just, I need to forgive myself for all of this ****. I wasn't a strong boy. I got rolled over pretty early on, and have been kicking around on the ground for a while now.
> 
> I was like a little bird that had its forest taken away, no more peaceful, solitary gliding through nature, no more safe nest, no more conversations with the other little birds on the branches. The forest was gone, and I wasn't strong enough to fly solo. So I crashed on the ground in the mud, and had to fend against the land animals. My cute little feathers got all dirty. My wings weren't really of much use anymore. Since then I've still been that bird, have only gotten dirtier, more self-hating, self-denying, lonely. Every once in a while I try to fly out of the hell I'm living in, but I'm not strong enough.
> 
> My plan is, love the little bird that I am and I was, and instead of trying to fly right away, first get off the ground, dust myself off and gain some strength.


Hi hiddendoors,

I can relate to a lot of what you have said here although I feel it is important to say I am unsure whether or not I have bipolar and take no form of medication. Still, I moved to a different country at age 10/ 11 and gradually lost my self respect and ability to make friendships (used to enjoy the freedom of running around the playground and climbing stuff as a little kid). I don't want to plunge into all the details of my past as although I have at times though they were the most important things ever, in reality a lot of people on here share them so they are just old, decaying matter. What I will say is that I went through a difficult period when I was living with mentally unstable people which took a knock on my confidence and I felt trapped. But I stayed positive and stayed focused on my vision of the future, taking steps towards it at any given time as I still do today.

There are things we all regret and the past has shaped us. But the present also shapes us. As long as you are following your heart and know you are doing your best - then accept yourself for who you are. Make your life easier by doing what you believe is right and rational. I've noticed that I sometimes attach fear to tasks or my life as a cover up for procrastination. Take a step over the hurdle and know the result will outweigh the initial discomfort. You will ultimately feel better in the end.

Also, you are talented. This may sound a bit upfront but it is evident in your post. I really enjoyed the extended simile about the bird.


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## chaosherz

Is this thread indexed high on Google or something? 252,000 views and counting after 6 years, it is amazing. Is that how people are continually finding and resurrecting this topic? Just curious...


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## Bubblestar

chaosherz said:


> Is this thread indexed high on Google or something? 252,000 views and counting after 6 years, it is amazing. Is that how people are continually finding and resurrecting this topic? Just curious...


That is an interesting thought, I was wondering why viewing numbers are always larger than replies... or are there exceptions...?


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## jever

Step 1:
Go to www.socialanxietyinstitute.com and buy the 20-25 week long audio program called "social anxiety: step-by-step". Its based on many years of focused research on social anxiety and depression alone and is based on CBT which should be one of the most effective ways of threatments. First look at the price will make many to doubt buying it, but consider this - the price is only like 2 maybe 3 sessions for normal therapy. You get ALOT MORE here for a crazy cheap price. Buy it, do it, dont quit.

Step 2:
find a local mindfulness meditation class and join it, start mindfulness every day for 5-20 min. atleast. Start by 3-5 min. if its hard for you and build it up. You can also buy self-help books about it, but try to avoid those there are "to spiritual". Research have showed that mindfulness is a effective way to take care of anxiety, low-selfesteem, stress and so on. Do it every day. Maybe you can even find friends at the class.

Step 3: 
Buy the book "ultramind solution" by Mark Hymann. Its not at all expensive at sites like ebay or amazon. Read it from start to finish and plan your diet more after the book. Start eating very clean and healthy foods, cut away sweets/junkfoods from your diet and also stuff like coffee, alcohol and smokes(if you smoke).

Step 4:
Buy a pair of running shoes, google beginner jogging programs and dedicate yourself to run atleast 2 days a week. I would recommend you to do HIIT training because it only takes 30-40 min. and it really gets your heartbeat up. Find 2-3 days in your week and set them as running days(mon, wed, fri ex). Set goals like being able to run a 5k/10k under a certain amount of time, or train for local social runs. Boston Marathon?

Step 5, do 1 of the 2 following things:
- join your local gym and start doing some strength training. Do it 3-4 times a week, cut some fat off, gain some muscles or become strong. Go to www.bodybuilding.com for more info, guides and programs.
- dont join the gym, but buy a pullup bar and do bodyweight strenght training, also 3-4 times a week, stuff like pullups, chinups, handstand, pushups, air squats, crunches etc. Go on youtube and write "bodyweight exercises" / "calisthenics" and you can get ton of info and inspiration about this.

Step 6: 
Go online and search for local sportsclubs, find a club near you with any kind of sport you find interesting. Contact them and ask for a free-trial time so you can try it out. If you like it, join the club and do the sport 2-4 times a week. Focus on just the sport in the begining, become intermediate and then you will find it easier to relate to the others at the team. It could be anything - martial(boxing, kungfu, muay thai, TKD), bat sports(tennis, batminton, tabletennis, squash), ballsport(soccer, basketball, rugby). Whatever you like mate.

Step 7:
Find somekind of creative/fun hobby you can do by yourself, if you can meet others through it then its just a bonus. Something like art(painting, drawing) or music(playing an instrument, singing) Google your way around.

Step 8: 
watch more news, read the newspaper, read online articles, follow global events/news, start showing interest in politics. This is a great way to build more self-esteem and also to show people you have an opinion and can debate with them.

Step 9:
groom yourself, get a nice haircut, buy some face cream/facewash and get clean, smooth skin, plugg your eyebrows, clean and short nails, white teeths and fresh breath, remove unwanted bodyhair, dress more fancy and fashionable.

Step 10:
Cut down on the TV watching/internetsurfing, spend more time on taking walks, doing hobbies, reading books, cleaning your house/room, homework.

Step 11:
start interesting yourself in more empowering people and sources, find motivation in others and find rolemodels. Youtube channels like Tedx Talks, Elliot Hulse, Infinity Waters etc. Google for self help books on anxiety, depression, confidence, happiness, health, fitness. Get the books, read them, apply them.

Step 12: 
get out of your house, every day. Take long walks in nature and also crowded places like the mall or popular shopping/eating places. Practice and desensitize yourself to become more comfortable in social surrindings.

Step 13:
set personal goals, make your dreams come true, work hard, be dedicated towards yourself, cut away negative things/people that holds you back. Watch alot of comedy and try to adopt a more happy and not-so-serious mindset.

Step 14:
find somekind of public speaking class(es) and join them. Improv comedy, amatur acting, toastmasters, debate clubs etc. Get used to be the center of attention.

Step 15:
Dont
Give
Up

Popular books with good reviews:
- feeling good, by david d. burns.
- how to win friends and influence people, by dale carnegie.
- no more mister nice guy, by robert glover
- six pillars of self esteem, nathanial branden
- feel the fear and do it anyway, susan jeffers


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## evadtl

*loner extrordinair*

I live here in a very nice area, Tampa Bay Florida, but I don't get to enjoy any of it. I isolated in school, in the military, my career as a long haul driver. I'm disabled now due to mental issue's. So now I sit here in this apt with the drapes closed. I'm in my mid 50s now and my life is over before it ever even got started. If you are a young person, don't give up keep looking for the right help. Good Luck to all of you.


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## evadtl

Hi, I or we can isolate anywhere isolation to me is shutting everyone else out. I still did what I was told in boot camp. All the other guys were making lifelong friends. I was very quiet. I can and always am alone in any situation. thanks have a great day.


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## evadtl

It's a terrible way to go through life, do all the research you can and get yourself into a therapy group. We think everyone is looking and talking about us. Quite the contrary.


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## izzobaby

read so many replies on this thread, I can relate to it genuinely on so many levels. each person here got so much courage staying strong without the social support we deserve...so credit to everyone.

I got SA when my parents moved me to secondary school far from my home...I lost my old friends upon changing schools, and became an outsider due to my SA. I tried to move schools when I was 15, but being the new guy noone warmed to me, ended up getting home schooled which was really tough and attempted suicide couple times.

Went university and took loads **** from people, but became social butterfly in the second & third year, had so many friends but after university I moved to London and everyone forgot about me!

I do meet people when I'm working or just by chance, but very few have seemed open to being mates. 
Its really hard sometimes, I try to explain my SA when a girl im dating questions my social status and they just call me a loser :serious: which isn't really fair when they haven't walked for 60 seconds in my shoes.

If anyone reads this just remember to be yourself, stay confident, if someone is nice to you, just be receptive. I can also relate to people that say they cant enjoy the best years of their life without the social support...trust me I know what ya sayin!

I'm not religious at all, but i'm going to pray for everyone here with the hope we can find social positive well-being 0


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## velvetblade

I generally avoid social situations because I have a hard time being around many people at once, and one-on-one situations make me uncomfortable because I cannot keep a conversation going. I am an introvert and I am quiet. I pretty much keep to myself, wherever I am. I have a handful of friends (Or rather, acquaintances), most of whom are work colleagues. Many times, there'd be about 5 people in my office at once, just chatting away. It's strange because I'm not very social, yet they always end up in my office...


I'm a friendly, down-to-earth kind of person so maybe that is what attracts people to me. However, I quickly become overwhelmed and then need some time by myself to recover. I have little to no social life. When I do go out somewhere, it's usually to family. I don't feel comfortable going out by myself. Not even to the grocery store, even though I've gotten better at that. Whenever possible, I take someone with me, even just to buy everyday items like bread and milk.


So I can relate to your post in so many ways. I think most - if not all - of us here can relate. You've certainly come to the right place.


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## Farnsworth

*And Counting*

I was in pretty much the same boat when I was 24 and now (i'm 28) things have gotten so much worse. I did not graduate, no gf, a terrible low paying industrial job, 9-5 without exception. I'm getting weirder and even less social. My life is horrifying.


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## SPARTANMST

Would a skype group session be of use to anyone, maybe regular chats to other people in the same boat would help put things into perspective, I know it would help me a great deal, if anyone is interested please let me know. I'm in the same situation as you guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CreamCheese

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


I came on this website for the same reason you did. Actually, it was to look up for a different kind of anxiety and that lead me to here. Like others mentioned, this is a social anxiety forum, and social anxiety symptoms will be subjective depending on who you ask. For me, I have also been slightly awkward in high school/college and certainly in professional workplaces. I tend to have a hard time expressing myself in front of people, suffer from a lack of confidence, self-doubt and second-guessing, which are areas I would like to improve. But otherwise, in my experience, I think the failure to make friends doesn't always have to do with you. People are highly judgmental and critical and will do what they can to make you feel inferior. Anyway, you'll find a lot of people here who don't have social lives and find themselves here to discuss loneliness. I personally think even if you don't have social anxiety, this forum can be useful.


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## Ra1090

i started my first year of college and honestly its been hell in the social level.
It sucks because im a very sweet friendly personopen minded person, that likes to talk about everything . and i know people perceive me like that cuz i have had friends in the past but in learning / school contexts im just really shy and not myself, i become more reserved than i normally am, i dont participate at all in class and its hard for me to start conversation with and think of things what to talk about, i do have a grouo of girls i hag out with but they are very introverted so i never really meet anyone with them, it sucks, its like i really want new social fun friends but i dont know if its me or people just dont seem interested, its like people probably think im weird or boring cuz i dont talk or paticipate in class?, extroverts are always more appealing thats a fact. I have exposed myslef and started new connversations wth people and engaged in interesting conversations but its so weird, after running in to them in class they arely say hello but in an uninterested way,r this other girl just makes believe she doesnt see me after i was like really friendly and started a conversation. am i having high expectation of how people should be interested in being my friend? maybe im less engaging than what i think i am. i cant find an answer to it. im so ****ing frustated i just want a regular college experience, with a social life and normal people to hang out with. I know i have everything it takes its just hard for me to open in the beginning. anyone relates?


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## mievaa

*Couldn't agree more!*

Hi there forum members.

I've just registered to post my opinion. I am 25 now and been alone on my own since age of 15 now, so for 10 years no friends, no social life, nothing. Just me. I am nowadays content with that. I don't think anything changes. I am just too much wondering with my SAD even what they think about me when I am trying to make a friend.

So lately I just think I can do on my own, everything. I started to realise I don't anyone to complete my life or to make my days fulfilled. I found happiness inside me, I don't need John for that. My only problem are parents. I live on my own, alone, and I enjoy that. But my parents are mostly annoying me with questions like "It's time to get a girlfriend", "Why you are w/o friends, go out and get one". If they only could realise it's not that easy. They think I am just shy, but I have social anxiety...

I would suggest to everyone thinking being alone is bad. Change your mind. Start to think you are great as you are. Have fun alone, meditate. Go for a walk daily, start new hobby, learn new thing. Listen music you like... list goes one. I give you an example what helped me to realise I don't need friends. If I want to go out, why I can't go all alone with music? Why I should have someone to go out? How a friends opinion helps me to make decision? I can make my own decision what to do. If I have problem, I solve it myself with a simple Google search.

I am content with solitude and nowadays I am not even looking for friends. I don't disagree with people, but I think I am already happy and friends can't really made me happy any more than I am now. Having no friends, I found so much of benefits. I learned first to cope alone. I learned to enjoy little things on my own. I can do what I like. I can be myself. I don't have the stress how to make your friends happy or with you. You know, little thing you may do wrong and friends may just be angry on you... And how much of my old school friends walked away after school... It's so much easier to be alone and living stress-free life.

I do feel sometimes I am tired of being lonely, but as soon as I put music I like, the thoughts goes away  Nowadays I try to talk at work with co-workers and also in spare time - just like with a shop assistant when I buy groceries. But I don't have more than that and doing that I am not looking for friends - just to maintain my social skills... At young ages of 15, I was depressed more than you can realise, having no one. But now since 2012 I found music genre that helped my depression and it's almost gone and I am now very happy even if my life is mostly JUST ME.

I think it is just how it should be. There's a lot of benefits living alone and the more you do, the more you learn to accept it. Before 2012 I tried to cope with my loneliness using alcohol and stuff. But I stopped with it. It made even more depressed than I was after drinking... Now I simple don't drink alcohol at all for many years. I have some old internet friends, a very few, maybe 3 - 4th stopped this year because of changes in his life. He walked away for new local friends he wound from much younger than he is. So I think he is just going crazy alone, so he choosed to find even "wrong friends".

I don't mind that anymore, many of friends left me. It's a life. I don't get depressed by this junk anymore... and if you ask me. Main reason I don't have friends. I am just weirdo. I listen Hardstyle and Dancecore music only. I hate to the death mainstream things like TV and radio. I don't watch tv shows or movies, so mostly I can't even be a company for a movie or tv serie freak. I don't drink or use tobacco/drugs. I don't like social situations, like a night in the bar. I can't even listen current mainstream music. But I've learned to listen my heart not to be someone else... like most friends are, just to get one they need to find something between. Often friends are just going to the bar just because they want to socialize even if some of these people are not really into that. I used to do that myself at schools... But I was unhappy and tired in these situations!

Now I just accepted years ago. I want to live alone. I can't hurt myself and what's wrong being a friends with yourself?

This society is so broken when most of people wants much stuff and more friendships. We, loners, are looked by others as idiots........ but we are all together.

Thank you so much for reading. Be yourself!!!

"It's in my mind and i'm trying to be,
somebody else instead of me.
Let me chase this misty road,
where it leaves i never know.
Don't follow me, follow me,
i can do this all alone"

Freaqminders - All Alone


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## sad1231234

Do you have social anxiety? If you do, then try seeing a therapist and consider taking medications to alleviate your anxiety. Whether or not you have SA, it seems apparent that you have a lack of social skills due to not socializing much. Try being more outgoing, it improves your chances of getting friends, and consider joining a club with people who have the same interests to you.


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## Walter50

Hello Mievaa and welcome to The Forum. 

I think you recognise that we all need social contact of some sort, whatever its intensity, which might be why you write that you 'try to talk at work with co-workers and also in spare time...with a shop assistant'. I think very many so-called normal people find social gatherings exhausting a lot of the time yet perhaps they find them more rewarding than those who believe they can function well alone. It has to be worth the effort to try to socialise surely? Once in a blue moon at least. You mention that those attempts to talk with people are 'just to maintain' your social skills but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a more profound reason. 

Alcohol failed me and the only people I seem to be in contact with these days are shop assistants (when I buy the groceries like you), social workers whom I see for a close member of the family who is very ill, and doctors. Don't get me wrong, I am sure you are more comfortable being alone and in your ability to function socially than me - just don't let the years slip away as the proverbial island.

Best wishes, and welcome once again. Peter


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## mievaa

Hi thanks for answers.

Yes I do like some company, but my lack in social skills and the fact, I can't find my kind of people.

It's so helpful already to know I am not alone... I am a way better than most of people being alone and yes I feel sometimes the need to talk to someone. I often talk to myself. Even outside and people are looking at me like I am again some kind of psycho.

And also I had friends, even good ones, but they all walked away... Almost every. Locally I don't have any friends, I live in little 20K commune. And the fact I live on the sparsely populated side of it makes it even worse, there's no people. But I chose this because I enjoy being alone. I have family living near me, but I can't really relate to them. They are against my views, especially they tried to prevent me going for Hard Dance Music festival in another country. They don't appreciate my music, they mostly are like: there's free music on radio, listen that. When I talk with them, they mostly blame their exhaustive work days and and bad people doing something wrong. I am tired even to visit them. I visit only once a week and even this is too much. Mostly my parents are looking TV anyway if I am here. They don't understand my, they almost forced me to do things in the front of people, even if they know I have fear to do things in front of the people. But I declined and they were mad at me for long time since I refused to help assemble a table for my sister in front of guests.

The fact that I also have OCD, none diagnosed, I am really hopeless. I have fear for the longest that my door must be open, it takes too much of time to do one thing as I am stuck on perfection... I do have hobbies, like mountain biking and walking, but I am only a starter. At work we talk some stuff like what we are going to do after work, but it never gets deeper and the fact that I am youngest at the work makes it even harder. :/

I've been a loner for 10 years... now I feel somehow happy... until I feel lonely for a while. But it walks away in time... I am glad that I am alive and have music, my bike and other things I like to do. Even if I do these alone, I can be happy about something... Most people say I am very fun person and a good listener. But still I simple don't have anything deeper than talking small for some time some where.

Girlfriend I never had, nor real life friends in last 10 years.

I had best friends in age of 8-12, but I moved twice due to job of parents, and friends went away. Then I just simply lacked friends. I had some school friends, but these only at school... And yes, I tried to be as everyone else, I found it better to find friends at school, but I was inside me unhappy because I tried to be someone else I am not.

Being myself is one of reasons I live alone on my own. I am simple too different to have friends.

Even my kinsmates not asking me anywhere.

I think I am just made to be a loner.

I never tried to go to therapist, because I think it's feature in me not wanting social life. Also I have trust problems, because so many friends ended with me. It's too hard to even try to friend me.


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## Walter50

Hi mievaa

I'd certainly think about seeing a therapist as for you it might just be about finding a comfortable social middle ground. 

I understand the restrictive nature of OCD and how it interferes with every aspect of life when it's out of control, in my case because of the stressful personal situation I find myself in now. But I know that that condition can be controlled, if not fully defeated, with professional help. I was successful against it many years ago. 

Best wishes, Peter


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## Imaginos

deleted


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## teopap

Imaginos said:


> Yep, I'm pretty much in the same position, OP. It's quite the predicament, isn't it? Everyday plays out exactly the same for me. Nothing ever changes, except for much worse I feel from one moment to the next. I have no job, no friends, no education, and no hope things will ever get any better. Every time I wake up to this is like getting punched in the gut. My heart drops at knowing I'll have to endure another empty, meaningless day devoid of anything fulfilling or joyful. Just restless frustration and boredom until, mercifully, I'm able to fall asleep again. I just wish I could stay that way and be allowed to dream in peace. An undisturbed dreamer forever dreaming. If only...


Hang in there buddy. I'm getting through the same, I am almost 25 now, since I graduated from high school I lost basically every friend I had and the last 6-7 years I have 0 friends. I'm turning into a hermit and misanthrope and I don't know how far will this go.


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## arkansastraveler

lastexile said:


> Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.
> 
> I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye


I'm starting to try to think of friendship as something that you do for others. Like a gift. Rather than trying to 'have friends' and 'have a social life.' Just trying to think about what can I do to help each person feel good. Trying to try to be the best friend I can to everyone, and considering myself their friend because of that, whether or not we talk a lot or hang out. I have a lot of hope that if I can succeed at this, good friendships will come into my life. Karma and whatnot.


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## PrincessV

arkansastraveler said:


> I'm starting to try to think of friendship as something that you do for others. Like a gift. Rather than trying to 'have friends' and 'have a social life.' Just trying to think about what can I do to help each person feel good. Trying to try to be the best friend I can to everyone, and considering myself their friend because of that, whether or not we talk a lot or hang out. I have a lot of hope that if I can succeed at this, good friendships will come into my life. Karma and whatnot.


Wow that was really inspirational. You're right. Having friends or making connections with people require you to invest in people. We want company, but are we really giving others what they want, instead of a "me" mentality. That's why I have no friends. Too much work.


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## nightfly

can relate to everything OP said; never had a GF, never had any real friends, never hung out with people my own age outside of school.

i don't believe i'm a 'loner' either though. i like to think of myself as a socially anxious extrovert, if that makes sense. i want to branch out, make friends, and be outgoing, but i just cannot approach people or start/carry a conversation with someone at all... at least right now, anyway.


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## rickey

Look at the Impractical Jokers, they make conversation out of thin air. Yes, none of us are like the four guys (and I wish I could be more like them). The point is, everyone is capable of at least making small talk with anyone. I think we have not found the "right" people or person that we can feel comfortable contributing to or confide in. And I think for people like us that feel like "loners" it takes a long time to find exactly what we're looking for. I can talk to most people at work but it's only small talk. There's only 3 people in my life so far that I can feel comfortable sharing whatever I want and not feel drained afterwards. What's special about these people is that, we can help enlighten each other. Of course, those people are busy with their lives and nowadays I'm usually left alone. 

Also, I think finding the people we need becomes harder to find as we get older. It takes a real commitment to go out on your own and find what you're looking for. Maybe you dont know what to look for yet. Patience and the will to act are so important, especially if you have fallen into depression (like me) for being alone too much. Whatever you are passionate about (cars, a band or a book you really like, Star Trek etc...), that is what you work with to find the people you want to surround yourself. But there are no guarantees, which is really hard to accept. That's where patience comes in.

I would like a foolproof script to read off of that WILL make me a new friend for life. The world is just too random for that kind of process. However, I believe because it is so random, there is always a (more than zero) chance I will eventually find what I'm looking for in this world.


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## ilovejzs

don't make friends at work - they will often use you for a means to an end. its better to join clubs or take classes, or volunteer rather than befriend your coworkers. I've been burned many times.


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## gsegoho

same. no life whatsoever now.


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## I Beethoven

i have no life or friends but thats not important to me for me its a woman that loves me 

Sent from my SM-A300FU using Tapatalk


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## chesire

life is too exhausting


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## chesire

PrincessV said:


> arkansastraveler said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm starting to try to think of friendship as something that you do for others. Like a gift. Rather than trying to 'have friends' and 'have a social life.' Just trying to think about what can I do to help each person feel good. Trying to try to be the best friend I can to everyone, and considering myself their friend because of that, whether or not we talk a lot or hang out. I have a lot of hope that if I can succeed at this, good friendships will come into my life. Karma and whatnot.
> 
> 
> 
> Wow that was really inspirational. You're right. Having friends or making connections with people require you to invest in people. We want company, but are we really giving others what they want, instead of a "me" mentality. That's why I have no friends. Too much work.
Click to expand...

life is too exhausting


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## chesire

I miss having someone I can talk to


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## icantsurf

I understand, but i used to be better with people. So I was not like this forever. Over the year or two, It just got so much worse. I understand the frustration of wanting to make friends, but just dont know how. I know the awkwardness, and the silence of the space, but the loudness in ur mind. I come to understand that to make friends, you need to be open, and you shouldnt have thoughts about how to act and what to say. It should come natural. I too, want to be free from my mind, but it can feel like the hardest thing in the world. I am still in this hole. Biking really helped me feel free, and biking in nature especially helped with my anxiety. I biked alone so often, that I had more fun being alone, than with people. Now comes winter. I cant bike anymore, and I recently quit my job, both because of the cold weather because I would bike to work everyday. Note that Im still a teenager. Now I just go to school, and come back home. I am currently overwhelmed with where I will be in a year. It is my last year in high school and I feel lost, for i dont know where I want to go to school, or how to get a car. I cant stay home. My life at home makes me feel crazy. I am not allowed to do so many things, and I feel so trapped here. I just ache to be somewhere warm, and new. But i get paranoid a lot, and I know I will get homesick. I want to ask people about their first times living on their own? Also Im new at this forum thing as well, and Not sure if this is a appropriate reply because i talked about myself a lot


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## MoodyNocturnal

I can't say that my whole life is "Loner, no friends, no social life" kind of life; that was until I graduated from college, started working and had issues with my family. 

In high school, I used to be a part of a group of friends. I was not the leader, nor the support, but I was a member. I thought that was enough. I thought we will be together forever. I was not taught by my parents that things come and go, I lived a life just moving on and surviving. 

In college, I never had a hard time with approaching anybody and try to start a conversation. Although my last two years showed another side of me that I think became the cause of me and my friends' disbandment. I became temperamental, I fault find all the time and my mouth never had a filter. I say what I want to say, mistaking being harshly blunt to being honest. This kind of attitude poured down to my first two jobs after graduation. I ended up resigning from both jobs because of colleague arguments. Such attitude also stressed my parents, and they do not know what to do with me. Until I decided to run away from home. 

Today, I realized more than ever that I am "A Loner, no friends, no social life". Whatever "friendships" I have thought I have cultivated back when I was young were nothing. Those were just relationships in that period. What makes it difficult is that my personality now really will not make me win friends. I am not the type to say "Hi, what's up!"; "Wanna hang out?". I don't ask about people's lives. I think I am worse than before, and living alone (since I ranaway from home) makes it harder. I am not interested that much to go out now; I want to watch a movie but eventually lose the mood to do so; The moment I decide to go out and distract myself with the things outside, I just end up having a long bus ride wasting my time in a moving vehicle while tinkering my phone. 

While I enjoy my time and space on my own, sometimes, I am seeking someone; someone to teach me things, to bring me to places, to accept me as I am and to have the patience to tolerate this quiet, loner personality of mine. 

Sorry if my posts sound too selfish. I feel like I talk about myself a lot. I relate to the topic of each thread, and I cannot help myself but voice out my similar situation. :'(


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## Hanifrsv636

MoodyNocturnal said:


> I can't say that my whole life is "Loner, no friends, no social life" kind of life; that was until I graduated from college, started working and had issues with my family.
> 
> In high school, I used to be a part of a group of friends. I was not the leader, nor the support, but I was a member. I thought that was enough. I thought we will be together forever. I was not taught by my parents that things come and go, I lived a life just moving on and surviving.
> 
> In college, I never had a hard time with approaching anybody and try to start a conversation. Although my last two years showed another side of me that I think became the cause of me and my friends' disbandment. I became temperamental, I fault find all the time and my mouth never had a filter. I say what I want to say, mistaking being harshly blunt to being honest. This kind of attitude poured down to my first two jobs after graduation. I ended up resigning from both jobs because of colleague arguments. Such attitude also stressed my parents, and they do not know what to do with me. Until I decided to run away from home.
> 
> Today, I realized more than ever that I am "A Loner, no friends, no social life". Whatever "friendships" I have thought I have cultivated back when I was young were nothing. Those were just relationships in that period. What makes it difficult is that my personality now really will not make me win friends. I am not the type to say "Hi, what's up!"; "Wanna hang out?". I don't ask about people's lives. I think I am worse than before, and living alone (since I ranaway from home) makes it harder. I am not interested that much to go out now; I want to watch a movie but eventually lose the mood to do so; The moment I decide to go out and distract myself with the things outside, I just end up having a long bus ride wasting my time in a moving vehicle while tinkering my phone.
> 
> While I enjoy my time and space on my own, sometimes, I am seeking someone; someone to teach me things, to bring me to places, to accept me as I am and to have the patience to tolerate this quiet, loner personality of mine.
> 
> Sorry if my posts sound too selfish. I feel like I talk about myself a lot. I relate to the topic of each thread, and I cannot help myself but voice out my similar situation. :'(


Yo wassup
I kinda understand your situation, but dont give up!
you know, people make mistakes, i mean all people, and thats normal
and that doesnt mean you cant make up your mistakes

I recommend you to get away from your comfort zone, and start make up little by little
Im sure all of your friends will understand your condition

I hope this can help 
Goodluck !!


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## Excaliber

I have tried but I've never really been the type of person to initiate, it does not come naturally to me. I guess even during the time I did go out often I didn't put in that much effort and eventually everything just slipped away. Now I feel like I totally lack any ability around people to be social or know how to act properly. Whats sad is that the desire is there but the shame that people will find out how friendless I really am prevails so I rather people not know me even if they show some interest. I'm not one to just sit at home all day though, I still try to get and do activities to distract myself, even if it means alone.


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