# When you want to be friends but they dont want u.



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

All my life is a series of people who i've had "friend crushes" on so to speak. I want to be their friend so much. i try and banter with them, but a friendship never manifests. it makes me so sad.

There's this person who i'd love to be friends with, we talk on facebook sometimes but i always initiate the convo. Sometimes on facebook chat i see they're online. I wait and wait and wait for them to start a convo but they never do. It hurts :cry

i hate how i always want to be a friend but no-one ever wants me!! i'd be a good f***ing friend.


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## Sun Burst (Dec 8, 2013)

I know what are you talking about here. I always tried to become friends but mostly it didnt work out or was just one way friendship. All this failures made me resent it and made me not to care about human contact. Probably for the better.


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## AberrantP3ngu1n (Apr 28, 2014)

I have that problem too. Last semester, I tried becoming friends with 2 people. I gave both my number. One never sent me a text (and I didn't have his number), the other, I always sent a text first and ultimately ended up giving up on being friends with him because anxiety got the better of me  needless to say, he's never initiated a convo.


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## VaultThirteen (May 23, 2013)

This literally just happened to me this weekend. The person was super nice in person beforehand. Pretty good chemistry making the person laugh and stuff. So I figure a friendship was actually possible Invited the person out, no go. And they don't initiate. 

There's not really any choice now except give up on the person and move on.

It shows how crappy advice like "to have a friend you need to be a friend" and "put yourself out there" is just BS that positive thinkers like to put online.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I really want to be his friend. I asked him on fb if he would like to hang out this weekend. He's seen it but no reply. So i guess i know what the answer is :cry

I just wanted to have a friend, for once. *sigh*


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

In my experience, making friends is kind of like making money. You have to have money to make money. Similarly, you have to have friends to make friends. Are there exceptions? Of course. Are those exceptions extraordinary, or common? They're pretty extraordinary. Again, I only make these assertions based on my experiences. I can't speak for anyone else.
But I'm pretty confident in them.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Lol, I used to feel the same way. I'm done trying to make friends though. Too much effort. :b


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## Thanatar18 (Apr 27, 2014)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> All my life is a series of people who i've had "friend crushes" on so to speak. I want to be their friend so much. i try and banter with them, but a friendship never manifests. it makes me so sad.
> 
> There's this person who i'd love to be friends with, we talk on facebook sometimes but i always initiate the convo. Sometimes on facebook chat i see they're online. I wait and wait and wait for them to start a convo but they never do. It hurts :cry
> 
> i hate how i always want to be a friend but no-one ever wants me!! i'd be a good f***ing friend.


Same, it sucks that those who I want to befriend, don't seem to try to befriend me as well (well, at least my past experiences... been a recluse 1.5 years now)

...maybe my fault was partially that I found it easier to approach people who were obviously shy and quiet like me though, I definitely didn't fit in with the loud obnoxious types... While the people I approached were somewhat friendly-ish, I suppose they behaved the exact same way I would have had, in their situation. :blank


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## Morumot (Sep 21, 2011)

I get lonely sometimes but in the end I prefer being alone most of the time and friendships for me are too much effort.


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## Shadowboy (Jun 12, 2013)

It always happens to me too. I get interested to befriend someone, always initiate conversations with them and in the end either nothing comes out of it or it turns into a one-sided friendship which makes me feel bad about myself. It's just like they have already made friends or for some reason are not interested to be my friend.

I don't know what can help solve this problem.*Maybe having super high self-esteem or being super outgoing helps?

I've heard people saying that not everyone would like to be my friend and I should let some of my "friend crushes" go but when none of them works out I feel horrible.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

6 months ago I met JOn. me and jon hit it off straight away, it's SO rare for me to clikc with someone. I was like "omg i have a friend!?". However Jon went off to go travelling but we agreed to meet when he got back to England. we used to talk on facebook all the time. We got on so well.......

But then he sort of stopped taking to me on facebook..obviously he moved on abit but i never did.. Now he's back in england we've spoke on fb a little bit, I asked if he wanted to meet up he said he would... but now I've tried to arrange it he obviously doesnt want to.

I'm so upset... for once i thought i found a friend but clearly i didnt. maybe i never will have friends :cry


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Friends like lovers are temporary, conditional, situational. Though you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. There are people out there who hate having friends and rather be alone but they successfully put on pretenses and others flock to them. Stressing the idea of constant networking can be indeed stressful. Then being inflicted by having deep connections can be an annoyance to them.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I think me and jon are too different.

and it sucks because i thought we would be good friends. but now i have to let it go. Jon has loads of friends he doesnt think about me... yet he was my last hope.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I'm just think you may be lucky that your not there friend. I don't think I have been hurt as bad as friends have hurt me. Better that you know now. Just think if they acted like your friend for some reason until they got what they wanted and then drop you like rock. To me that is so much worst. I would rather know up front then after I had put a lot time in to friendship. Also at least there being honest to you. Sorry for your pain.


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

Psh. Forget about Jon, man. Keep trying. Maybe you'll find you, say, a Steve, who unlike Jon, will appreciate you. Steve will see you as irreplaceable and value you. Steve will be your very best friend and will want to spend lots of time with you.


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## Mr snooze (Feb 11, 2014)

**** one sided friendships. too much effort with no fruition better forget em.


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## CW1985 (Jan 6, 2013)

I know the feeling all to well. I try my absolute best to be friendly towards people, but I'd say about 90% of the time they don't want anything to do with me.

2 examples :

There's this girl who I knew from my time at school, and in the past couple of years I felt we became close. However, she's avoided coming anywhere near me for 7 months now, and she won't even text me back anymore either. BUT, she'll happily hang out with other people, including some creepy guy who's about 13 years older than her. 

AND

I was texting with another supposed friend of mine early last Saturday (around lunchtime). I happened to ask her what she was doing that particular day and she never replied. So, later in the day (about 6pm) she texts back to tell me she was WALKING HOME from the pub. SO YOU SEE, she purposefully didn't tell me her plans for the day, just in case I asked to hang out with her at the pub too. Sick of feeling left out by everybody.


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

VaultThirteen said:


> It shows how crappy advice like "to have a friend you need to be a friend" and "put yourself out there" is just BS that positive thinkers like to put online.


I know, right?! I hate overly simplistic, optimistic advice like that, because for those who actually struggle with the issue at hand, _we have already been doing that and obviously it's not been working_!


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Grand said:


> Psh. Forget about Jon, man. Keep trying. Maybe you'll find you, say, a Steve, who unlike Jon, will appreciate you. Steve will see you as irreplaceable and value you. Steve will be your very best friend and will want to spend lots of time with you.


Thank you :')


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## freakamidget (Nov 25, 2013)

I'm the exact same.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

The guy who I wanted to be friends with that I was talking about. I still want to be friends. I feel heartbroken when he wont message me, I just want him to be my BFF


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

WHY WONT HE LOVE ME? I am so upset!!!


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

mezzoforte said:


> Lol, I used to feel the same way. I'm done trying to make friends though. Too much effort. :b


Even with that smile tho ??????

*When you want to be friends but they dont want u

*1 thing we really have to beware of is being the "needy" person seeking validation. If people just don't click, or like u for who u currently are (as understandable as that might be for us "freaks").....well best to try with others.

I have that 1 new girl thats friendly, but only to a point. I can guess and imagine what things she would not like about me, but only she really knows.

So even though I'm upbeat when talking to her, and don't bug her, we've never really talked. So I can't push her. And she seems to talk so easily with others for what ever reason. But she's friendly with everyone. I should be happy enough she still is with me (at least before the last 3 events that might get her thinking...???).

It is what it is, just have to keep meeting more girls, and eventually guys too.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

It might be because SA is making us needy


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

HanSolo said:


> Even with that smile tho ??????


Thanks, but I think I actually look sad a lot in real life. I don't try to...my neutral face just looks sad.


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## conners (Dec 1, 2013)

I'll be your friend


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

Yeap, I know what you mean. :/ can't do much when no one wants to be friends with you but keep telling yourself lies in order to keep going out there and trying.


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## Uncomfortably Smiling (Jul 23, 2013)

This thread is excellent. I was about to create my own until I saw this.
It fits in perfectly with something I have struggled with since mid teens. 
I think it was the precursor to my breakdown and ive never got over it. I find it so cringeworthy and humiliating to be rejected when trying to make friends. If I text someone and they don't reply I start visualising them feeling awkward seeing my text and just wanting to be polite but im just being a pest.
I feel like im a burden to most people to be honest and what the other poster put was excellent I thought in that friends are similar to money in how you accumulate. People want to be around popular and confident people and the more you have the better it is in making new ones.
Its deeply embarrassing to me to feel like im trying to get friends and be part of things and I feel like everyone is frowning or laughing behind my back at how unpopular and needy I must be and how its embarrassing to witness me trying to fit in so much when no one really likes me. Im sure its not quite as harsh in others heads as I feel about it but I also feel pretty sure that there is something to how im feeling too and its not just paranoia entirely.
I was quite popular during periods of school but I often found myself getting irritated or self conscious of the types of friends I had and eventually had no one really so socialise with. Especially after my breakdown where I cut off and lost any social life I had and become a recluse.
I have a lot of self blame and loathing because I do find myself becoming irritated and unhappy with lots of people so I sometimes wonder why someone should accept me as a friend because ill probably get bored or self conscious of them and ruin it anyway.


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