# question for the dudes



## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?

i have a pretty good idea of why i am so unapproachable, but i wonder about environment as well.


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## HangNail (Sep 1, 2005)

by herself!!!!! :yes 
I wouldn't even think about it if she was in a group, or even with 1 other person :afr


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

HangNail said:


> by herself!!!!! :yes
> I wouldn't even think about it if she was in a group, or even with 1 other person :afr


ok well that rules out my theory :lol i'm always alone.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

No offense to either you or the dudes here, but this probably isn't the best place to ask a question like that, considering 95% of the guys here wouldn't approach a female in either case. :b


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

njodis said:


> No offense to either you or the dudes here, but this probably isn't the best place to ask a question like that, considering 95% of the guys here wouldn't approach a female in either case. :b


yep, but my question was specifically for guys with SA, who seem more likely (if they do approach someone) to strike up an intelligent conversation as opposed to mounting a girl's face. :duck


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## rb1088 (Jan 24, 2008)

I would possibly approach a girl that is by herself but there is always that fear of rejection and it would be 100 times worse in a public place. But there is no way I would approach a group of women.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

I try to ask girls out when they are by themselves, the whole idea of approaching a girl gang solo freaks me out, haha.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

arkityp said:


> yep, but my question was specifically for guys with SA, who seem more likely (if they do approach someone) to strike up an intelligent conversation as opposed to mounting a girl's face. :duck


Oh, so _thaaaaat's_ what I'm doing wrong! =p

Well, seriously, not that I ever would anyway, but if I had to choose... I'd much rather approach a woman that was alone, as opposed to one with a group of friends.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

*Male brain SA awnser* 
"I can make myself look like a fool and get rejected in front of one person or a group, hmmm which will I do?"


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## shyguydan (Dec 30, 2004)

I would approach a girl that is solo oppose to a group, even though I have in the past when my SA was not affecting me as much was able to approach in a group setting, but not anymore :afr


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

By herself.

I did it once, and she did have the time. I then knew where I had to be. She was magick.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Preferably by herself, but in a public place with other people around of course! I need witnesses to make sure I'm not being attacked if I am trying to be nice! :afr :hide


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

By herself. That way you won't have to worry about her friends talking about you when you leave.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

arkityp said:


> njodis said:
> 
> 
> > No offense to either you or the dudes here, but this probably isn't the best place to ask a question like that, considering 95% of the guys here wouldn't approach a female in either case. :b
> ...


no offense but why do you think that just having SA makes them more likely to be intelligent or whatever? i'm sure there's some really nice/intelligent super outgoing guys as well some real dickheads with SA.


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## Caligula (Apr 16, 2008)

...


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

arkityp said:


> are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?
> 
> i have a pretty good idea of why i am so unapproachable, but i wonder about environment as well.


I think maybe you're asking the wrong people. :lol

I don't think i could approach a girl under any circumstances.

Anyways, unapproachable?

I've been called that.

I think it's just that folks with social anxiety are always kind of off in their own little world, always looking kind of removed and detached, and maybe a little gloomy.

Of course, you, you're also gorgeous, and that can be really intimidating to guys.


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

Out of those two impossible scenarios, I'd be more likely to approach a woman who's on her own, it being marginally less stressful than talking to a woman with all her mates standing around gawping at me. 

God, I've broken out into a cold sweat just thinking about it.


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## HumiliatedGuy (Jan 13, 2008)

First of all, I'm much more of a one and one person when it comes to socializing, so I would much rather be friends with or date someone who was more of a solitary person.

Secondly, I would not want to be embarassed in front of a group of people.

Thirdly, the more people there are around, the greater my anxiety, so I would be much less nervous in front of one person.

About your question in general, it's true that most guys, not just ones with SA, do not want to be rejected in front of a group of females.


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

I don't think I've ever approached any girl. But if I had to, it would be easier if she was by herself.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

easier for me online as a defense mechanism. most difficult for me in cold approaches in malls.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I would be more likely to approach a girl who is alone. I would be too worried that her friends would make fun of me, if she was in a group.


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

i would never approach anyone under any circumstances.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

It would be more complicated and nerve-racking to approach a girl with company than a solitary girl. Approaching the latter is something I can actually contemplate.


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## overanalyzer (Aug 13, 2007)

I wish there was some easy social convention that girls could use for notifying guys when they actually want to be approached. Most of the time I avoid approaching girls for their benefit. What are the chances they want a random, awkward 21 year old virgin with no romantic experience like me bothering them when they are alone? But to answer your question, I think nearly every guy here would agree it is less scary to approach a girl who is alone. Although because they are alone they can likely be more defensive which might actually work against us.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I would never go close to a girl if she was with her friends...or if she was alone for that matter.
But alone is the easier choice, obviously, unless you're one of those social butterfly.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

arkityp said:


> are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?
> 
> i have a pretty good idea of why i am so unapproachable, but i wonder about environment as well.


A girl who's by herself. Also, it doesn't hurt if she has a smile on her face and acts like she wants to be approached.


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## Snickersnack (Jun 21, 2008)

overanalyzer said:


> I wish there was some easy social convention that girls could use for notifying guys when they actually want to be approached. Most of the time I avoid approaching girls for their benefit. What are the chances they want a random, awkward 21 year old virgin with no romantic experience like me bothering them when they are alone?


That's basically how I feel about approaching the "fairer sex". I know they wouldn't be interested, so what's the point? My talking to her would just give her another horror story to tell her girlfriends-as in, "some _creepy_ guy started talking to me at the bookstore yesterday!" ("unnattractive" generally equals "creepy"-because ugly people should know better than to try chat standard people up. Ugly guys who act all confident are delusional buffoons who must be snickered at in private.)


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Wait, wait! But a group of women is an opportunity for more putang! Cette fille est une putain!

Sorry, I don't speak French and know not what I say.


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

Zen Mechanics said:


> no offense but why do you think that just having SA makes them more likely to be intelligent or whatever? i'm sure there's some really nice/intelligent super outgoing guys as well some real dickheads with SA.


i don't know any "super outgoing guys" who will talk about quantum mechanics and astrophysics. do you? if so, introduce me :lol

being a dickhead isn't about intelligence, it's about personality... or lack thereof.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

yeah i do, a friend of mine is one of the most outgoing people i've ever met and he's always going off on massive rants about existentialism and quantum mechanics etc. that's my point. whether you're outgoing or shy is just one facet of a person's personality, it doesn't affect the rest of it. being shy doesn't automatically make you nice just like being super outgoing doesn't automatically make you a dickhead (or not interested in quantum mechanics).


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

Zen Mechanics said:


> yeah i do, a friend of mine is one of the most outgoing people i've ever met and he's always going off on massive rants about existentialism and quantum mechanics etc. that's my point. whether you're outgoing or shy is just one facet of a person's personality, it doesn't affect the rest of it. being shy doesn't automatically make you nice just like being super outgoing doesn't automatically make you a @#%$ (or not interested in quantum mechanics).


99% of the people I have known who I would consider to be pretty intelligent all had shyness to some varying degree.

Intelligent people are more prone to mental disorders in general though, not just shyness.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/10/031001061055.htm


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

colonelpoop said:


> Zen Mechanics said:
> 
> 
> > yeah i do, a friend of mine is one of the most outgoing people i've ever met and he's always going off on massive rants about existentialism and quantum mechanics etc. that's my point. whether you're outgoing or shy is just one facet of a person's personality, it doesn't affect the rest of it. being shy doesn't automatically make you nice just like being super outgoing doesn't automatically make you a @#%$ (or not interested in quantum mechanics).
> ...


that article was talking only talking about mental illneses like schizophrenia and psychosis and how they related to creativity, didn't mention shyness at all. i mean i can't argue with your personal experiences but frankly i've found no correlation at all between shyness and intelligence, and have never heard it argued that there was. everyone has a different psychological makeup that determines whether they're an introvert or an extrovert, plus all the other factors, but none of this affects intelligence/IQ. my whole point is that's it unfair to outgoing people to write them off as possibly less intelligent/nice *just because* they're out going.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

arkityp said:


> are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?
> 
> i have a pretty good idea of why i am so unapproachable, but i wonder about environment as well.


Guy approaches girl alone, guy only has to win over one girl.

Guy approaches girl with group of friends, guy has to win over girl AND her friends (they'll be giving their feedback the instant the guy goes out of range, if not sooner).

The first scenario is obviously the better of the two. Maybe some guys prefer approaching a group, but I gather they'd be in a significant minority.

I think the two scenarios may even out if the guy is comfortable enough and able to separate the girl from the "pack". That way her friends only have the guy's appearance and body language to go on.


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

Just Lurking said:


> I think the two scenarios may even out if the guy is comfortable enough and able to separate the girl from the "pack". That way her friends only have the guy's appearance and body language to go on.


haha! i've never had a pack (i'm a lone one) so this is somewhat interesting to me. i wouldn't approach a guy if he was with his friends either (unless i am going to try to date all his friends too, it's really not their call whether i'm "suitable" or otherwise).


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## overanalyzer (Aug 13, 2007)

Snickersnack said:


> That's basically how I feel about approaching the "fairer sex". I know they wouldn't be interested, so what's the point? My talking to her would just give her another horror story to tell her girlfriends-as in, "some _creepy_ guy started talking to me at the bookstore yesterday!" ("unnattractive" generally equals "creepy"-because ugly people should know better than to try chat standard people up. Ugly guys who act all confident are delusional buffoons who must be snickered at in private.)


Exactly. I do have a few outgoing female friends that somehow managed to deem me not creepy. God knows how that happened. One of the first things these outgoing girls like to talk to me about, no joke, are the "funny" stories regarding the creepy guys who went to talk to them or who told them they were attractive or who approached them when they went to eat. This always ends with me pretending to chuckle as they explain how lame or weird said guy is. After 4-5 of these "funny" stories I am now officially terrified to approach girls I don't know.

Hell, I am afraid of creeping out girls I already know. I am so worried about being creepy that I rarely make physical contact at all or even suggest that I have any attraction or like whatsoever. This overwhelming (somewhat irrational) fear is probably my biggest problem and a strong contributor to why I am still so inexperienced with women. Yet, I can't say I am convinced that its all in my head due to the abundance of the creepy guy stories.

Still though, I have to admit that obviously some girls want to be approached by the "right" type of guy in the "right" type of way. Unfortunately I just don't know how to fit in this groove. Every possible scenario in my head of walking up cold to a girl comes off creepy even in my mind let alone me actually executing it. Whats a poor guy to do?


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

overanalyzer said:


> Snickersnack said:
> 
> 
> > That's basically how I feel about approaching the "fairer sex". I know they wouldn't be interested, so what's the point? My talking to her would just give her another horror story to tell her girlfriends-as in, "some _creepy_ guy started talking to me at the bookstore yesterday!" ("unnattractive" generally equals "creepy"-because ugly people should know better than to try chat standard people up. Ugly guys who act all confident are delusional buffoons who must be snickered at in private.)
> ...


keep in mind that females like to talk **** to impress one another. something as simple as a guy asking a girl for the time can turn into an epic, exaggerated fairytale of how he was "staring" at her chest instead of her face. women are manipulative and irrational, that's why i avoid them 90% of the time.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

If I was going to approach a girl she would definitely have to be on her own.


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

arkityp said:


> are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?
> 
> i have a pretty good idea of why i am so unapproachable, but i wonder about environment as well.


I find it much easier to approach a girl who is by herself and does not seem to be pre-occupied with anything. If she looks bored and lonely I would definately consider saying hello.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

It bothers me how carelessly girls throw around the word creepy. Every guy I know has been called creepy at some point in time for doing the most seemingly benign and innocent things. 

I remember going to my high school prom with my girlfriend at the time and left her for a moment to go outside for a smoke when a group of girls came up to me and said "David, why have you been following Samantha around the entire night? She is seriously getting creeped out and is in the bathroom right now afraid that you are going to do something to her."

lol, for one, I barely even knew who this samantha girl was and secondly I never even saw her at the prom, I was with my girlfriend the entire time. If anyone was following anyone around that night it was Samantha following me because I was completely oblivious to her even being there.

I don't know why girls do this and I've seen it especially hurt some of my male friends who have gotten into their heads that they are some kind of weirdo or stalker.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

arkityp said:


> keep in mind that females like to talk **** to impress one another. something as simple as a guy asking a girl for the time can turn into an epic, exaggerated fairytale of how he was "staring" at her chest instead of her face. *women are manipulative and irrational, that's why i avoid them 90% of the time.*


 :lol :lol

The truth shall set you free ladies!


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## Snickersnack (Jun 21, 2008)

arkityp said:


> keep in mind that females like to talk @#%$ to impress one another. something as simple as a guy asking a girl for the time can turn into an epic, exaggerated fairytale of how he was "staring" at her chest instead of her face. women are manipulative and irrational, that's why i avoid them 90% of the time.


I guess men do it too, although they focus on "conquests" rather than the victimization "unwanted attention" thing certain younger women like to chat about (or making candid observations at women passing their construction site). Exaggerating the physical attributes of last night's "piece o' tail" over a few cold ones with the guys is an especially fun pastime.

"I swear, they were _this_ big. It looked like she stuffed her bra with marmots!"


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

arkityp said:


> are you more likely to approach a girl who's by herself (in a park, library, museum, whatever) or with her friends?


Neither; approaching girls is a very foreign concept for me.


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## Superman23 (Jul 6, 2008)

njodis said:


> No offense to either you or the dudes here, but this probably isn't the best place to ask a question like that, considering 95% of the guys here wouldn't approach a female in either case. :b


 :rofl True, definitely not easy


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I've never approached a girl at all. I'm far too afraid of face-to-face rejection. In the past I ran personal ads prolifically and got enough rejection over the phone to meet my lifetime rejection quote.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

Considering that I am shy, and pretty stupid, I would never approach a girl unless she made it blatantly obvious that she wanted me to. She would definitely have to be alone too, because I won't want to risk embarrassing myself in front of her friends.


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## 4v0id4n7 (Jan 17, 2008)

the only thing i have to add after reading this thread is:
I love you all people but we're all totally [email protected]#*'d up.
(or maybe the world is, or both)


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

refined_rascal said:


> Out of those two impossible scenarios, I'd be more likely to approach a woman who's on her own....
> 
> God, I've broken out into a cold sweat just thinking about it.





ShyFX said:


> Considering that I am shy, and pretty stupid, I would never approach a girl unless she made it blatantly obvious that she wanted me to. She would definitely have to be alone too, because I won't want to risk embarrassing myself in front of her friends.


 :ditto :hide


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