# Find Your Reason...



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

While you're young, trust me on this...find your reason to keep interested in life. Don't let it be your job. Try not to let it be about someone else. But try...no matter what...to find your reason.

Otherwise, you spend too much time on the "When" and the "How" and not on your reason...and then someday...maybe sooner than you ever thought...you answer the how and when and the reason will no longer matter.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Meaning is essential for happiness.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Maslow said:


> Meaning is essential for happiness.


I'll settle for being content with existing.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Figuring out why everyone is wrong about everything has kept me going for years.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

truant said:


> Figuring out why everyone is wrong about everything has kept me going for years.


I didn't realize how rewarding that could be. I'm glad you've got your reason.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

SofaKing said:


> I didn't realize how rewarding that could be. I'm glad you've got your reason.


Lol. Well, but I take it seriously. I'm not just randomly complaining about everything. It's led me through psychology, philosophy, comparative religion, history, anthropology, evolutionary theory, neurobiology, gender studies, literature and a bunch of other stuff. "Why are people unhappy?", "Why are people judgmental?", "Why do people do the crazy things they do?", "How can I be happy?", "How can I help other people be happier and less judgmental?"

The desire to understand, and to implement what I learn, is what keeps me alive. I really have no reason to exist, otherwise, since I really have no reason to be happy about anything. What little happiness I do experience comes from incremental increases in understanding and greater ability to help people. Well, that and writing dirty stories.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Still trying to find my reason. Not an easy task when you are depressed. Wish me luck I guess.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Still trying to find my reason. Not an easy task when you are depressed. Wish me luck I guess.


It can be a struggle. Please work it out before it's too late.

You seem like someone with interests. Nurture those.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

I'd say welcome back @SofaKing, but no one want's to be back on this site. lol

I wish I'd found something years ago, but now, just filled with regret, living day by day. I just live in hope that something, anything good comes along before I've completely ran out of time.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

No...I never thought I'd come back, but when you're at the bottom, you do desperate things.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

SofaKing said:


> No...I never thought I'd come back, but when you're at the bottom, you do desperate things.


I'm sorry mate. :frown2:


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't think finding a reason is really my problem actually. There's a bunch of things that I think might be cool to do, but it's like I have to lift a huge gigantic weight to do them. It's partly tied to hormonal stuff so during some periods like now it's been like I've been in slow motion all week on top of whatever general issues I have. I had one day where I felt pretty high in a happy way though, so that was nice.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

SofaKing said:


> when you're at the bottom, you do desperate things.


I don't blame you.  :rub


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

SofaKing said:


> It can be a struggle. Please work it out before it's too late.
> You seem like someone with interests. Nurture those.


Thank you. I have already seen a therapist about this so that helped.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't think finding a reason is really my problem actually. There's a bunch of things that I think might be cool to do, but it's like I have to lift a huge gigantic weight to do them. It's partly tied to hormonal stuff so during some periods like now it's been like I've been in slow motion all week on top of whatever general issues I have. I had one day where I felt pretty high in a happy way though, so that was nice.


Yes...this is a problem for me too, though doubtfully hormonal. I just have trouble engaging in things if I'm uncertain I'll enjoy them, especially alone. I have all sorts of things I think I'd enjoy doing, but I don't want to do them on my own.

I've learned I'm a nurturer and enjoy both caring for someone and sharing my life. I don't know if that makes me co-dependent or not, but it's certainly what I prefer.

I'm glad you do have some good days, though. They don't come often enough for me, honestly.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

SofaKing said:


> . I just have trouble engaging in things if I'm uncertain I'll enjoy them, especially alone. I have all sorts of things I think I'd enjoy doing, but I don't want to do them on my own.
> 
> I've learned I'm a nurturer and enjoy both caring for someone and sharing my life. I don't know if that makes me co-dependent or not, but it's certainly what I prefer.


I mentioned this exact same thing at the meet I went to yesterday.

There's thing's I want to do, but I want to do them with a nice woman who enjoy's my company. I just don't enjoy doing things on my own or in groups. I worry about not enjoying myself and wasting money, I can't afford to waste.

I try and enjoy the meets, but all the time I'm wishing it was just me and one other person who I'm really close to.

I'm also co-dependent and dependent and if I really like someone I like doing things for them.

Since you've been gone I've meet up with a woman I met at a meet a few times, and had days out with her, but I was never feeling it enough tbh. I'm looking for the same feeling I had with someone in the past, but it's not their. She's vanished anyway for reasons unknown. Ghosted after agreeing to meet me again.

I'm hosting a meet soon, because I don't know what else to do, but I would much rather just do this with one other person.

I just don't see how I will connect with anyone. I feel alone on my own or in groups, even with like minded people. There's that deep connection I've always craved, missing. I need that connection with one person, that massively energizes me and get's me excited.

Imagine just find that one person you click with. Not having this is torture for people like us. I feel your pain man because you are me and no end of us here. It's painful as hell, especially when you get to our age.


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## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

Reminded me of this clip. Still haven't found something yet.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Musicfan69 said:


> Reminded me of this clip. Still haven't found something yet.


Exactly, lol!

Good reference.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

I don't know, I think having a job is important. It allows you to have an income to enjoy life.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I found my reason


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

nubly said:


> I don't know, I think having a job is important. It allows you to have an income to enjoy life.


I have a job and considerable financial resources. It's allowing for a comfortable misery, that's all.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Kevin001 said:


> I found my reason


And I wish that worked for me too. I'm envious you find your peace.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

SofaKing said:


> And I wish that worked for me too. I'm envious you find your peace.


It could.......everlasting eternal peace .


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## ShotInTheDark (Nov 4, 2017)

There are NO REASONS AND NO MEANINGS IN LIFE, I'M JUST A MISTAKE AND THAT'S ALL...


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Yeah, no reason


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## donistired (Nov 29, 2018)

I have no ambitions, find very little in life fulfilling anymore. But I guess I'll stick around for kicks and giggles just in case something interesting happens. Life so far:


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

Hey SofaKing. Good to see that you’re back. I was wondering how you are doing. 

I’m kind of in a similar place (not exactly the same, as you may know.) But that’s a different discussion that would need to be viewed over some other time since it’s late for me. I hope you are doing well and finding a better place to be in. PM me whenever you feel to. 

Take care.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

ShotInTheDark said:


> There are NO REASONS AND NO MEANINGS IN LIFE, I'M JUST A MISTAKE AND THAT'S ALL...


I think that "life" may not have an inherent meaning, but that still means it's up to us to find a reason to survive at least.

Or not...


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Crisigv said:


> Yeah, no reason


It can be very elusive. Especially for those of us who want things largely beyond our control to achieve.

Sometimes it has to be small victories within our grasp.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Don said:


> I have no ambitions, find very little in life fulfilling anymore. But I guess I'll stick around for kicks and giggles just in case something interesting happens. Life so far:


The fact that you do see "kicks and giggles" is a good thing. Even if not fulfilling, I'll settle for enjoyable.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

CNikki said:


> Hey SofaKing. Good to see that you're back. I was wondering how you are doing.
> 
> I'm kind of in a similar place (not exactly the same, as you may know.) But that's a different discussion that would need to be viewed over some other time since it's late for me. I hope you are doing well and finding a better place to be in. PM me whenever you feel to.
> 
> Take care.


Thanks...there's comfort in company, though I wish it wasn't so pervasive and for so many.

Let's keep up the journey.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

SofaKing said:


> I think that "life" may not have an inherent meaning, but that still means it's up to us to find a reason to survive at least.
> 
> Or not...


Until I spent some time on this site it would never have occured to me that people actually look for a reason to continue living. Even now - when my circumstances are difficult and I'm much older - the thought of ending it just doesn't occur to me.

When I was younger I just got on and did the things we do - got a girlfriend, went travelling a bit, went to work, then got married and had my son etc.

Much more recently I've had flashes during what I'd consider deep depression. And those have given me perhaps some insight into what you're talking about - but fortunately they don't last long.

My point is that I think it's highly unusual to feel this way. I think it's cinical depression and needs to be treated - possibly with medication.

I'd compare it to when I first saw my therapist (a clinical psychologist). He said that my bipolar disorder was biological and that we couldn't continue witht the therapy unless I was actually taking my medication. Talking etc does very little, for example - when you're feeling manic. It actually makes mine worse.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I find it interesting when peoples reasons come naturally to them or they take them for granted, It seems like that for the vast majority.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

blue2 said:


> I find it interesting when peoples reasons come naturally to them or they take them for granted, It seems like that for the vast majority.


 This. So much this.

EDIT - It isn't so much just that they take them for granted but it's that they often twist that into their reason for beating up on people who weren't so lucky.

So we have to deal with them running around saying -"If I can do it anyone can".

And it's just nauseating. It's like - "Ummmm....no. You basically won the lottery and you don't realize it. So now you're walking around with your fortune judging other people as if there is no difference between yourself and them".

Of course, it's down to ignorance. They're ignorant. They're not really trying to be A-holes. They just don't know any better. Ignorant people shouldn't try to be professors.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*every time at supermarket*

not any stock for me

this an OK surprise for me, once

dunna want that happen a second time

next

next

next

price up

condense this.. properly.. zoom right level.. comparison

any type if disappointment

width of experience... age 18..... scope.. now 42

empty shelves

expect go back next day?? wait a weeek??? month?

greedy customers? suppliers?

can learn from 6am or late evening the difference

more time it happens, unable to get what's needed... mistrust


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Don said:


> I have no ambitions, find very little in life fulfilling anymore. But I guess I'll stick around for kicks and giggles just in case something interesting happens. Life so far:


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## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

Kevin001 said:


> It could.......everlasting eternal peace .


Good job Kevin, glad to hear He helped you find peace.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Of course, it's down to ignorance. They're ignorant. They're not really trying to be A-holes. They just don't know any better. Ignorant people shouldn't try to be professors.


....I've come to the conclusion it's "normal" peoples way, to try & guilt trip or bully those who are different or less fortunate into their own particular mainstream brand of life trap to help validate their own choices & existence and that deep down most people are insecure.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

The primary purpose in life is spiritual enlightenment, everything else is secondary.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

harrison said:


> Until I spent some time on this site it would never have occurred to me that people actually look for a reason to continue living. Even now - when my circumstances are difficult and I'm much older - the thought of ending it just doesn't occur to me.


You are very lucky to not have that burden on your emotions like some of us here, myself included.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

I’ll chime in and agree to an extent as to what Harrison said. Though I do have a history with clinical depression (suicidal ideations included, but they seem to have lessen as time went on.) But while in the euphoric state where you ‘know’ you have all of the answers is the worst of you having someone tell you (and for the person saying it) as to what “should” be for one’s own well intended so-called enlightenment. But in the end, the only constant thing has been nothing, and I’m trying to come to closure that it will remain as a reason. I just fear that it will inevitably collapse in the near future.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Suchness said:


> The primary purpose in life is spiritual enlightenment, everything else is secondary.


I prefer lustful hedonism. >


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I sometimes think, the one reason I have is to discover the reason to begin with  I really do mean that, I often spend hours just researching things online, trying to get a better understanding of myself, why I exist to begin with, if there is a point to humanity, it just goes on and on and keeps me interested. So far, I haven't found the answer, at least not one that I find satisfactory, you would think at this point I would just throw in the towel and say forget about it, but it still fascinates me. I don't know where I would be mentally, if I did not have that to keep my mind constantly occupied, I'm not sure if I would be happier if I just stopped entirely, or if I would find myself bored.

Of course, there is entertainment as well, watching movies, playing games, hanging out with my family and dog, and so on.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> You are very lucky to not have that burden on your emotions like some of us here, myself included.


Yes, that's true mate - I am lucky in that regard. Although from where I'm sitting right now I don't exactly feel very lucky.

I'm sorry if my tone in that post was a bit harsh and seemed unsympathetic. I experience very deep depression sometimes - plus of course the mania. It just hasn't been bad enough for me to ever have to look for a reason to keep living - not yet anyway.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

We only get one shot at life.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

harrison said:


> *Until I spent some time on this site it would never have occured to me that people actually look for a reason to continue living.* Even now - when my circumstances are difficult and I'm much older - the thought of ending it just doesn't occur to me.
> 
> When I was younger I just got on and did the things we do - got a girlfriend, went travelling a bit, went to work, then got married and had my son etc.
> 
> ...


That whole post is just weird and I really don't know what I was thinking to say that. Especially the bolded bit. I've known people that actually killed themselves because of depression - so that's just not true.

Don't think I've ever had to quote myself before - sorry about that OP if I caused any offence.

I need to stop posting on here altogether I think.


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## Graeme1988 (Nov 17, 2018)

Caring other people seems to be my purpose in life... like, putting them ahead of myself *a lot* of the time.  To the point of feeling guilty when I make time for myself. But I've realised in the last couple years, ye don't get much thanks for it, really. At least based upon my experience. So, like creative hobbies (art, music, etc), it's really just a waste of time n' energy.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

My reason is to get to know and fully express myself while creating a life that's personally fulfilling to me (whatever that looks like.) It's a journey, but I'm learning.


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

And if you can't find one?

Does this mean I'm going to have to go back to macaroni art?


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## thomasjune (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm old so I guess my reason doesn't really matter anymore. :/
For me the 'when' and 'how' simply comes down to my life sucks and regardless what I do it will still suck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Looking at this from a different perspective - I guess you could say that my reason (although it was never a conscious one) for the last 25 years - has been my son. My memory has been terribly affected by my mental health problems in general and by medication - but I'll never forget what it feels like to be responsible for someone like that - especially when they're young.

But as I say - it's not something you're really consciously looking for. It's just there. To a large extent I also feel it with my (now) ex-wife. We've known each other for 30 years this year - half of my life. So to say that you feel a connection to someone that you've been with for so long is a bit of an understatement - they become a part of you. And when you're forced to move away - like I have been over the last couple of years, it feels more like someone has cut part of you away. I've felt like something floundering around with half it's body missing.

So I guess you could say those are my "reasons" - my wife and my son. I'm not sure how I'd deal with losing both of them but I know someone that has experienced that too. I don't think I should go into that here though.


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## smc954 (Nov 26, 2017)

trying to find myself is the hardest thing ever iv done stupid things to try to get out of this rut which sometimes gets me in trouble and for some reason and dont know why i keep from my doing the same things time and time again and dont think or learn from my mistakes and feel like its catching up but still dont do anything about it


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