# Overcoming my fear of men?



## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

It's right in the title--I'm trying to overcome the fear I have for men. If not, I will literally be alone for the rest of my life. I just don't really know what steps I should take to get to that point. 

Being 19, I'm still very young, but I've never been in a relationship. I'm fine talking whenever it's in passing, a simple greeting, but I freak out whenever I have to have a conversation face to face. I get shaky, my heartbeat goes all over the place, and I literally feel sick to my stomach. It's ten times worse whenever I know they have a physical attraction to me. I can speak fine over text, or just messaging through any social media. I like the idea of being with someone, but I am terrified to even get close to taking a step towards that. It makes it difficult when I try to tell them that I'm dealing with SA, but they really do not understand what I'm trying to say. And talking over the phone? Facetiming/Skype? I'd rather be run over. I'm just told that I am going to have to get over myself, and that they'll call til I answer the phone. I'm not sure why it scares me so badly.

I really don't know what to do, because I do want to go out and date, but it's just so difficult getting over my fears.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

You can talk to me. I don't bite.


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## Mammagamma (Dec 9, 2015)

Men are cool.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Well I'd avoid this forum actually then, a lot of the **** that gets said here (albeit by a very vocal minority,) and the sources of it if you go investigating, will make you paranoid given time and just generally reduce your faith in people.

And I'd always been more uncomfortable around women personally, by a lot, so uh that's saying something. 

There was another user here once who was obviously very scared of men and this manifested partly in various unhealthy ideological beliefs, and I think this forum probably made her worse.

Your new here and probably won't stick around long because most people don't but yeah.

You just need the exposure of hanging around guys more in real life, platonically too. If you can really empaphise with them, and see the similarities between you that will help you.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I believe I would tell these men what you're feeling. Don't be afraid to tell them you're anxious. It certainly wouldn't turn me off. I'd appreciate your honesty, in fact. Continue to expose yourself to these men and it will most likely improve.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Well I'd avoid this forum actually


I came here to post exactly that. :lol

But seriously, men scare the crap out of me, too, even though I know most of them are perfectly nice. Women are a snap by comparison.



srschirm said:


> I believe I would tell these men what you're feeling. Don't be afraid to tell them you're anxious. It certainly wouldn't turn me off. I'd appreciate your honesty, in fact. *Continue to expose yourself to these men* and it will most likely improve.


I'm sure they'd appreciate that. :lol


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

truant said:


> I'm sure they'd appreciate that. :lol


Especially with a nice trenchcoat.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

truant said:


> I'm sure they'd appreciate that. :lol


Haha, nicely done! They surely would. :wink2:


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

The only way I've managed to lessen my fear of them is by having interactions w/ men that were kind, caring, and didn't act inappropriate or creepy. They helped restore my faith in men some. It's really too bad and sad that finding men like I mentioned is like finding a needle in a haystack. That's probably why it's taken me so long to get over my fear of them and why I've always had problems getting into a relationship. 

I hope you don't spend as much time as I have trying to get over your fear of them and that you can find someone decent.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

visualkeirockstar said:


> You can talk to me. I don't bite.


Haha, I'm glad to hear that you don't.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

tea111red said:


> The only way I've managed to lessen my fear of them is by having interactions w/ men that were kind, caring, and didn't act inappropriate or creepy. They helped restore my faith in men some. It's really too bad and sad that finding men like I mentioned is like finding a needle in a haystack. That's probably why it's taken me so long to get over my fear of them and why I've always had problems getting into a relationship.
> 
> I hope you don't spend as much time as I have trying to get over your fear of them and that you can find someone decent.


I've went to a few different house parties before as I've kind of figured that maybe at that type of setting everyone is pretty much doing whatever, so it's not like a bunch of attention is on myself. I had gotten to where if I was spoken to, I could respond without any noticeable anxiousness. Yes, I was definitely still nervous, but it wasn't as bad.

I can go to a club, and dance with guys for hours, but I can't talk to them? Then, sometimes walking into a diner by myself and there are men, I'll get scared. I honestly don't get what is up with me.

As far as finding men that are kind and caring, I suppose that means that I'll have to suck it up and have a conversation with them to find out.

I appreciate you taking the time to post to me!


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

srschirm said:


> I believe I would tell these men what you're feeling. Don't be afraid to tell them you're anxious. It certainly wouldn't turn me off. I'd appreciate your honesty, in fact. Continue to expose yourself to these men and it will most likely improve.


I'll definitely try and be a little more open about how I'm feeling when talking with them. Thanks for your response!


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

I know it may sound like a stupid question, but why are you afraid of men?


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Umpalumpa said:


> I know it may sound like a stupid question, but why are you afraid of men?


Look at that thread that just got started about if it's OK to hit a woman.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Umpalumpa said:


> I know it may sound like a stupid question, but why are you afraid of men?


No, not a stupid question. Growing up I've experienced things and seen different situations that has over the years made me afraid. It's not really men themselves, I think it's the interaction with them whenever it comes to that point of having to speak with them.

I'm anxious speaking with anyone, but it's just on a higher level with men.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

ellirpa said:


> No, not a stupid question. Growing up I've experienced things and seen different situations that has over the years made me afraid. It's not really men themselves, I think it's the interaction with them whenever it comes to that point of having to speak with them.
> 
> I'm anxious speaking with anyone, but it's just on a higher level with men.


Is the level of anxiety increasing in the middle of the conversation?
Or scared of awkward silences... Not knowing what to say?
Or you just dread just the idea of a conversation with a guy?


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Umpalumpa said:


> Is the level of anxiety increasing in the middle of the conversation?
> Or scared of awkward silences... Not knowing what to say?
> Or you just dread just the idea of a conversation with a guy?


Mm, honestly it's pretty much all of those together.

Here's something for example: I go to a grocery store, and my cashier is male which already makes me a tad nervous more because of the "what if" scenarios. He greets me, and asks me how I am, I can respond. However, if he were to keep talking, continuing the conversation, that's whenever I would start freaking out.

Scared of awkward silences and not knowing what to say, and I do dread the idea. So it's all of those.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I don't really understand why, but I do also feel more awkward when casually talking to the opposite sex. Even without any element of sexuality or possible dating, it's still just slightly more awkward than talking to a guy, I fear what women are thinking more than what men are thinking.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

McFly said:


> Did her name start with an S and end with an L?


;P


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## pinkkawaii (Oct 23, 2015)

I'm more anxious around guys too. Especially the ones I'm attracted to.


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## dune87 (Aug 10, 2015)

why are you afraid of silence? do you think he'd think you're incompatible? and what if he thought you're incompatible? would the world come to an end? also there can be many awkward silences when you first start dating someone, especially if you're both shy. but it's all awkward until you kiss, then your tongue will be untied  

im not playing smartass, i mess up things too. some time ago i was attracted to someone who was also clearly attracted to me. i couldnt even look him in the eyes, he would see EVERYTHING. i couldnt handle the tension and ran away, closing a door on his face. 28 years old and still behaving like a teenager from time to time.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

McFly said:


> I knew it... that was some paranoia :no


@Persephone The Dread

Cool! tell me, I'll cook up some food and then we can all talk about it over the dinner table, ok.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

dune87 said:


> why are you afraid of silence? do you think he'd think you're incompatible? and what if he thought you're incompatible? would the world come to an end? also there can be many awkward silences when you first start dating someone, especially if you're both shy. but it's all awkward until you kiss, then your tongue will be untied
> 
> im not playing smartass, i mess up things too. some time ago i was attracted to someone who was also clearly attracted to me. i couldnt even look him in the eyes, he would see EVERYTHING. i couldnt handle the tension and ran away, closing a door on his face. 28 years old and still behaving like a teenager from time to time.


I don't really think it's the silence, because I am comfortable with that-I'd rather sit there and not say anything at all so I don't embarrass myself with the things that come out of this mouth of mine ;P

It could be more so that I'm worried of what they will think of me, especially with how I handle conversation. Whenever I'm uncomfortable I always end up becoming rude and very short with the person I'm talking with. I'm not trying to be, I just become really anxious.

I really just don't know what to say to people.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

ellirpa said:


> I don't really think it's the silence, because I am comfortable with that-I'd rather sit there and not say anything at all so I don't embarrass myself with the things that come out of this mouth of mine ;P
> 
> It could be more so that I'm worried of what they will think of me, especially with how I handle conversation. Whenever I'm uncomfortable I always end up becoming rude and very short with the person I'm talking with. I'm not trying to be, I just become really anxious.
> 
> I really just don't know what to say to people.











WOOOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOOH!

*Taking off my man-face so that you dont become scared anymore*
Better? 

Assuming you said that that you only feel anxious with the opposite sex when you are going to get to know them we are pretty alike. I know what causes my problems. It's jelousy, or at least that is what I think it is. The fear of not being good enough. Obviously jelousy is normal to everyone, but in my case I will literally cut contact with people because of absolutely nothing.

" It's ten times worse whenever I know they have a physical attraction to me". I really hate it as well when someone likes me. It creates expectations, am I right?


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Demon Soul said:


> WOOOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOOH!
> 
> *Taking off my man-face so that you dont become scared anymore*
> Better?
> ...


Thanks for taking off your man-face, I feel so much better now 

I'm anxious when talking to any new people, but yes, it's more severe with the opposite sex. I most definitely have that fear of not ever being good enough.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Have you worked a job? My job helped me improve my social skills with women. Also talking with women I met on this forum and skype calling them helped as well. There are multiple skype groups you can find on here. Many just message and don't really converse anyways. Try to just hit up random dudes on here and have conversations. Many are lonely and would love to chat.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Demon Soul said:


> " It's ten times worse whenever I know they have a physical attraction to me". I really hate it as well when someone likes me. It creates expectations, am I right?


You're correct there. That's exactly what I think whenever I know there's an attraction for me. Being complimented does the same for me, as well.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Ignopius said:


> Have you worked a job? My job helped me improve my social skills with women. Also talking with women I met on this forum and skype calling them helped as well. There are multiple skype groups you can find on here. Many just message and don't really converse anyways. Try to just hit up random dudes on here and have conversations. Many are lonely and would love to chat.


I currently work with twin boys with Autism. It's not anywhere near being exposed to people, but as far as just speaking with people other than family, it helps with co-workers and my boss.

I've thought about finding a second part-time job to get me out and into working with the public to start associating with people, but it's just getting to that point. I've grabbed up a few applications, filled them out, but never turned them in.

I've skyped a few friends of mine before in groups, but there wasn't very much talking at all. We kind of just did our own thing, just being watched the whole time in silence haha.

I wouldn't even know who to message on here. I feel that would be really awkward on my part with me just randomly messaging someone.. but of course I over think everything :/


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

ellirpa said:


> You're correct there. That's exactly what I think whenever I know there's an attraction for me. Being complimented does the same for me, as well.


Dejavu!

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...be-your-anxiety-to-me-1619665/#post1082551561

That was a thread I made when I was a noob like you 

It's says Icedout there, but if you scroll a little bit up it will say "Demon Soul". I just changed my name.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Demon Soul said:


> Dejavu!
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...be-your-anxiety-to-me-1619665/#post1082551561
> 
> ...


Haha kinda feel a little better knowing there are people out there that do go through some of the things I'm dealing with.

How much longer til I'm no longer a little noob? :laugh:


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

ellirpa said:


> Haha kinda feel a little better knowing there are people out there that do go through some of the things I'm dealing with.
> 
> How much longer til I'm no longer a little noob? :laugh:


There are many like us here 

Well, you must read and debate tons of posts before you become a true SAS-member. You must always remember to cry a little bit, give up easily. Feminism, and how girls have it easier is a big thing here - get involved. You must also remember to come with weird opinions from time to time, and troll a little bit!

When you have done all that you are a true SAS-member!

Above is mostly a joke, were almost only good guys here


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Demon Soul said:


> ellirpa said:
> 
> 
> > Haha kinda feel a little better knowing there are people out there that do go through some of the things I'm dealing with.
> ...


Oh, well being the sensitive baby I am, I'm already a pro at crying a little bit!

All jokes aside though, thank you for taking the time to talk with me.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

ellirpa said:


> Oh, well being the sensitive baby I am, I'm already a pro at crying a little bit!
> 
> All jokes aside though, thank you for taking the time to talk with me.


Is this where I am supposed to leave and never talk again?

You are welcome  Similar problems made me curious, made me wanna talk. Wouldnt have talked otherwise of course >. Joking.When you find a cure you will have to call me


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Demon Soul said:


> Is this where I am supposed to leave and never talk again?
> 
> You are welcome
> 
> ...


Yes this is the time that happens. Ha, kidding. I'll definitely give you a call when I find this so called cure.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I think there is a large number of men who are scared of women. Even though I have many women on my friends list, women in real life scare me... :stu Welcome to the website about fear.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> I think there is a large number of men who are scared of women. Even though I have many women on my friends list, women in real life scare me... :stu Welcome to the website about fear.


Haha glad to know that in a way I'm not alone with my fear. I've always wondered why men would be afraid of women, but I suppose they think the same thing when they hear I'm afraid of men.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> Haha glad to know that in a way I'm not alone with my fear. I've always wondered why men would be afraid of women, but I suppose they think the same thing when they hear I'm afraid of men.


I think it's a combination of sexual attraction, fear of rejection, and now days feminism has been pushing things really far. Which is why MGTOW has gotten started.

Watch this video:






* When I showed this to my Dad, He told me it gave him nightmares.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> I think it's a combination of sexual attraction, fear of rejection, and now days feminism has been pushing things really far. Which is why MGTOW has gotten started.
> 
> Watch this video:
> 
> ...


That was insane.. no wonder guys are scared of approaching women. They're probably afraid they're gonna end up behind bars as a result of saying, "Hi." to a girl and that's not fair at all. It's terrible that these women think of rapists whenever it comes to men.

I will admit a few times I have thought to myself in my head whenever I'm being approached by a guy that there's a possibility he could rape me, but I think it was because I was just scared. I don't interact with men, so I think of the worst possible scenarios. 
Whenever I think about what I thought, I get angry with myself because it wasn't necessary to be thinking that.

If I had a dollar for every time I made up terrible scenarios in my head, I'd be a very wealthy girl :rofl


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> That was insane.. no wonder guys are scared of approaching women. They're probably afraid they're gonna end up behind bars as a result of saying, "Hi." to a girl and that's not fair at all. It's terrible that these women think of rapists whenever it comes to men.
> 
> I will admit a few times I have thought to myself in my head whenever I'm being approached by a guy that there's a possibility he could rape me, but I think it was because I was just scared. I don't interact with men, so I think of the worst possible scenarios.
> Whenever I think about what I thought, I get angry with myself because it wasn't necessary to be thinking that.
> ...


My 2 cents, I think this is the reason why good men are afraid of approaching women. Some guys just don't care, you know???

I think a little fear from both genders is ok. I think it's a common issue that people think of bad things. The Bible, a book written thousands of years ago, even mentions it.

Thank you for watching the video.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> My 2 cents, I think this is the reason why good men are afraid of approaching women. Some guys just don't care, you know???
> 
> I think a little fear from both genders is ok. I think it's a common issue that people think of bad things. The Bible, a book written thousands of years ago, even mentions it.
> 
> Thank you for watching the video.


Yep, you're exactly right, and no problem, it was worth the watch.


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## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

I'm terrified of men aswell. I suppose for me, it comes down to the fact that i've never had any male friends. By that, i've never known or talked to any nice guys. I was bullied by boys when i was younger. I was bullied by girls too, but i did have female friends. So i guess i saw both sides when it comes to girls. With guys, i've only ever experienced the bad side. Add the fact that no guy irl has ever made any attempt to become my friend, or even flirt. I guess i've always subconciously associated boys to be "creatures" who have zero interest in my existence unless it is to be mean to me. Doesn't matter how many times i see male celebrities, for example, being kind guys. It gives me hope, but honestly, I don't think i'll ever get over my negative association.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Do you know the root cause of it? Was there some traumatic event in your past, or some recurring specific thought or fear?

If you want to beat this you need to understand it.

Maybe a male friend or family member can help you to practice what to say and do with a guy that interests you, and help restore your ability to trust.

Or maybe it's that you are insecure about yourself, not that you're worried about the guys?


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

mjkittredge said:


> Do you know the root cause of it? Was there some traumatic event in your past, or some recurring specific thought or fear?
> 
> If you want to beat this you need to understand it.
> 
> ...


Yes, there were traumatic experiences endured for a few years growing up that definitely has had a negative impact.

I don't really have any male friends. I suppose I could try that exercise with a family member, though.

I'm most definitely a very insecure girl, but there is still that worry there with men.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Fangirl96 said:


> I'm terrified of men aswell. I suppose for me, it comes down to the fact that i've never had any male friends. By that, i've never known or talked to any nice guys. I was bullied by boys when i was younger. I was bullied by girls too, but i did have female friends. So i guess i saw both sides when it comes to girls. With guys, i've only ever experienced the bad side. Add the fact that no guy irl has ever made any attempt to become my friend, or even flirt. I guess i've always subconciously associated boys to be "creatures" who have zero interest in my existence unless it is to be mean to me. Doesn't matter how many times i see male celebrities, for example, being kind guys. It gives me hope, but honestly, I don't think i'll ever get over my negative association.


I definitely can relate to you in this aspect. I wasn't bullied in school or anything, but I just never had much interaction with them. The interaction with men that I did have wasn't very positive.

I think there's also that fear of being put into a position I can't get out of.

I always try and try to give it a chance and talk to one, but my SA ends up getting the best of me. If I do get a message/text from a guy, it's usually always inappropriate and it just makes me uncomfortable.


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## gazahra (Dec 29, 2015)

Omg you have Androphobia Like me O.O. although it seems a bit worse for you. It is extremely hard to deal with. But it is possible to make progress over time. I did and now I have a boyfriend at least. 

-Gaz


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

McFly said:


> I guess just try to be as open minded as you can and get experience with men in the real world. Talking to guys online can help but that won't be the same as real exposure therapy. Even though we are horn dogs and if that's you in your avatar plenty will try to hook up with you, the majority of guys are good and it's just the process of finding the ones compatible with you.
> 
> You need to set rules for yourself on how far you feel comfortable with other men, and don't be afraid to assert yourself if someone crosses the line. If you don't feel that your fear is going away over time then you should look to a therapist for them to help you change your thoughts and emotions.


I've been to a few clubs, and danced with a bunch of guys, and it wasn't bad. I did enjoy myself. And yes, that is me in my avatar lol.

It's not as bad whenever I'm with friends and we end up going somewhere (party for example). It's a much more relaxed environment for me, and I do find it easier to speak, not only with guys, but with girls as well. I'm trying to get out of the house more, I really am. I'm probably not going to the best of places, but the places I choose to go I usually feel comfortable.

I can respond to a greeting, and I'm fine, but if personal questions start coming my way, that's whenever I become uncomfortable.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

gazahra said:


> Omg you have Androphobia Like me O.O. although it seems a bit worse for you. It is extremely hard to deal with. But it is possible to make progress over time. I did and now I have a boyfriend at least.
> 
> -Gaz


Good 'ole Androphobia :rofl

It is definitely very difficult to deal with! Sometimes, all I want to do is crawl in a hole. I'm trying to improve. I think eventually it will just get to the point that I will have to suck it up, and start a conversation, or be more open with them and give it a chance.


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## gazahra (Dec 29, 2015)

Oh girl I know the feeling. 

-Gaz


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> I definitely can relate to you in this aspect. I wasn't bullied in school or anything, but I just never had much interaction with them. The interaction with men that I did have wasn't very positive.
> 
> I think there's also that fear of being put into a position I can't get out of.
> 
> I always try and try to give it a chance and talk to one, but my SA ends up getting the best of me. If I do get a message/text from a guy, it's usually always inappropriate and it just makes me uncomfortable.


What is considered inappropriate varies from person to person, within whatever society calls inappropriate. I think the simple fact is men tend to be horny creatures. That is not inherently evil, after all that drive is half of the reason we are all alive. (Humanity hasn't died out). I think sometimes the answer is found in how you choose to handle those messages. Personally I haven't been very impressed by how people on the internet fail to take something negative and try to turn it around into something positive. With that being said, I'm not completely standing up for those guys. I remember High school, I remember being around many many guys that made me feel uncomfortable.

After High School was over and I entered the work force, my problems with other men started going away. But my issues with women began to increase. And with that so did my fear of them.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

McFly said:


> I have the same problem being uncomfortable with personal questions, when someone is interested I'm looking for the best chance to get away hehe :hide
> 
> Parties and clubs are like the perfect time for socializing so if that's when you're most relaxed then hopefully it'll be more easy for you as time goes on. Since part of beating SA is exposing yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable, you'll still need to push yourself to be around men in places that aren't as relaxing. Just needs time and patience, and certainly don't feel guilty about it.


Yeah, those personal questions freak me out. Maybe I'll make it a point to find something to do for New Years and say hello to a guy tonight. Thanks for your advice by the way


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Men scare me too. I think I am love shy. Men, especially ones I'm attracted to, make me so nervous. Instead of trying to get to know them and talk to them, I avoid them. I have no idea why I am like this. Even when I was a kid and had crushes on boys, I would do everything I could to avoid them.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

nomi said:


> Men scare me too. I think I am love shy. Men, especially ones I'm attracted to, make me so nervous. Instead of trying to get to know them and talk to them, I avoid them. I have no idea why I am like this. Even when I was a kid and had crushes on boys, I would do everything I could to avoid them.


That is exactly how I am! It's ten times worse if I find them attractive. It doesn't help being insecure either, cause there's a constant worry about appearance, etc.


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## cool user name (Nov 17, 2014)

i very much feel the same way about women.. Let me know if you find a solution that works!


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

cool user name said:


> i very much feel the same way about women.. Let me know if you find a solution that works!


I feel that I'm going to just have to actually get up the courage to talk with some, and hopefully get positive outcomes and then maybe convince myself that they're not bad. I'll let you know if I find a solution, but same goes for you! If you find one, I better be on the top of your list and the first to know


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## Linanc (Dec 31, 2015)

When I interact with a new guy I just try to be friendly. I never assume the guy is interested in anything more than polite conversation so I never have trouble talking to guys. I'm not flirty so there may have been guys that were initially interested but then I sent the vibe that I wasn't... dunno. This is my comfort zone I guess.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

Linanc said:


> When I interact with a new guy I just try to be friendly. I never assume the guy is interested in anything more than polite conversation so I never have trouble talking to guys. I'm not flirty so there may have been guys that were initially interested but then I sent the vibe that I wasn't... dunno. This is my comfort zone I guess.


I'm trying to be more friendly when approached. Normally I become rude because I just want out of the situation. I think I'm going to try that out tonight (be more friendly).


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

I wish I had some answers for you. I'm 48 and I'm still afraid of men. I've had more than five years of therapy, and nothing seems to work. I look back at pictures of when I was younger and thinner and think there wasn't really anything wrong with me, but men never seemed to like me and still don't like me.

It's really difficult. I've only had one relationship in my life. I stayed with him longer than I should have but hung on to him because I was 39 and a virgin when I met him. I thought, "How long will it be until I meet someone else?" I broke up with him almost five and a half years ago, and there hasn't been anyone else.

I asked out a guy in my class. I wasn't attracted to him at all, I just wanted to talk to him about the class because he was *****ing about the class even more than I was. I asked him for coffee, and the date turned into a disaster. I made the mistake of telling him that I've pretty much given up on men, and that they hate me no matter what I do. He basically told me I should join a convent. When we left the restaurant, he yelled at me, "did I make you feel like ****!? Huh? Did I make you feel like ****!?" Then, he forced me to hug him. I was completely grossed out by him. 

In contrast, I had dinner with someone I went to elementary school with. He remembered me from kindergarten, and has read my blog for the last ten years or so. The dinner was the best one I'd had in my entire life. He was kind, thoughtful, very charming--he kept asking me question after question. Asked me about my future plans, asked me if I was interested in a relationship (I was on plentyoffish earlier in the summer), what my ideal man was like, my problems with men, etc. I didn't lie, but I was vague about my answers because I didn't want to start crying. I really don't think I'll meet a guy I'm really into, so it's difficult for me to talk about. He seemed like he was fascinated with me. The problem? He's married. It's torture for me, because he's known me for such a long time, and loves my writing. Even when I come down really hard on men on my blog, he hasn't said anything critical. We even like some of the same things, and I can't help but think maybe we should have been together all this time.

But in middle school was when it all changed. I did fine in elementary school, but once middle school hit, it's like no one liked me. I felt like I never grew out of my awkward phase.

You're still young. I would work on this. I wouldn't want you to end up like me. True, a relationship is not the end all be all, but if you want a decent guy to hang out with occasionally, start working on either therapy, or confidence, or whatever it takes. I wish I could tell you what it takes. Good luck!


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

Nope, I wouldn't tell them that you are anxious at all. I've told men about my fear of men and how they hate me no matter what I do, and the only sympathy I got was from an old classmate of mine who really enjoys reading my blog. Everyone else, from random men to my one and only boyfriend, was very mean and/or dismissive, or could not comprehend it. I get people laughing at me when I say men hate me, and it's getting extremely depressing. Sometimes I feel invisible around men and even when I try and be friendly and talk to them, I feel like they are blowing me off.

If I ever go out with another man and he asks me about my dating past, I'm going to just flat-out tell him I don't want to talk about it. I'm going to let HIM wonder what the hell is wrong. Because telling the truth sure doesn't work...


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

I can relate. I feel like I'm never pretty enough, or thin enough. Or accomplished enough. I feel like even if I lose weight and spend $50,000 on plastic surgery and become incredibly gorgeous, I'm still going to be hated by men.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

Ignopius said:


> Have you worked a job? My job helped me improve my social skills with women. Also talking with women I met on this forum and skype calling them helped as well. There are multiple skype groups you can find on here. Many just message and don't really converse anyways. Try to just hit up random dudes on here and have conversations. Many are lonely and would love to chat.


I work retail and I still can't talk to men outside of work. While I'm working, I HAVE to talk to them. But in a bar, I wouldn't ever approach a guy. The only chance women have is if they are beautiful. Even the "lonely" guys would rather be alone than have an unattractive woman come and talk to them.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

Fangirl96 said:


> I'm terrified of men aswell. I suppose for me, it comes down to the fact that i've never had any male friends. By that, i've never known or talked to any nice guys. I was bullied by boys when i was younger. I was bullied by girls too, but i did have female friends. So i guess i saw both sides when it comes to girls. With guys, i've only ever experienced the bad side. Add the fact that no guy irl has ever made any attempt to become my friend, or even flirt. I guess i've always subconciously associated boys to be "creatures" who have zero interest in my existence unless it is to be mean to me. Doesn't matter how many times i see male celebrities, for example, being kind guys. It gives me hope, but honestly, I don't think i'll ever get over my negative association.


You and me both. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, and I think it destroyed me. Men seem to enjoy being ****ty to me, and I don't understand the head games, and it's getting to the point where I just want to lose a bunch of weight, and then be *****y to them if they start talking to me. Even when I was younger and thinner, men weren't interested in me, and I don't think they ever will be. People tell me to "get out there" and go where the "cool, sexy, intellectual men are" but in my midwestern hell hole, all those types of guys have left.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

ihatetechnology said:


> I work retail and I still can't talk to men outside of work. While I'm working, I HAVE to talk to them. But in a bar, I wouldn't ever approach a guy. The only chance women have is if they are beautiful. *Even the "lonely" guys would rather be alone than have an unattractive woman come and talk to them.*


Online, the guy doesn't have to know what you look like. On here, people don't even care what you look like. Most of us are self-conscious already about our appearance.

What is different about conversing at work versus outside of work? Men are not going to chastise you or make fun of you just for wanting in on conversations.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

ihatetechnology said:


> I can relate. I feel like I'm never pretty enough, or thin enough. Or accomplished enough. I feel like even if I lose weight and spend $50,000 on plastic surgery and become incredibly gorgeous, I'm still going to be hated by men.


This is _exactly_ how I feel. No matter what I do, it's like I just can't be liked by people. I can't please them in any way. I have put myself down and put myself down to the point that I can't look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. I've learned to be disgusted by myself because if everyone else hates me, maybe I should hate myself.

I even hit a time whenever I starved myself for a few days, because I just wanted to be thinner. I wanted to look pretty. Maybe I would've been liked then?


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

I like friendship. Do have a fear of trust.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

dontwaitupforme said:


> I like friendship. Do have a fear of trust.


I want friendship with people. Trust is definitely a hard one to work with.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> I want friendship with people. Trust is definitely a hard one to work with.


Same, pretty much. Though my answer is tailored to the thread. You never know who your talking to these days, or what their intentions are. Have fun but keep your witts about you. If all else fails, I'll stick with the cat.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

ellirpa said:


> Haha glad to know that in a way I'm not alone with my fear. I've always wondered why men would be afraid of women, but I suppose they think the same thing when they hear I'm afraid of men.


Men have bad experiences with toxic men, women.



ihatetechnology said:


> I work retail and I still can't talk to men outside of work. While I'm working, I HAVE to talk to them. But in a bar, I wouldn't ever approach a guy. The only chance women have is if they are beautiful. Even the "lonely" guys would rather be alone than have an unattractive woman come and talk to them.


I'm a pretty boy according to what a older lady said and I've had women (including with SA) that aren't models talk to me for over a half hour in real life.

It's just I have never felt good enough, as have been judged harshly by toxic women (only attracted to toxic men) which gave me a bad impression of women in general (being a pretty boy we tend to attract toxic women). It took a while to figure out not all women, men are like this. It was only what I was attracting or hanging out with and learnt to identify, avoid those types of people if possible.

One toxic lady walked over and sat down next to me. She said "I don't feel anything". I found out later on she was attracted to a toxic man which seemed to treat her badly (and me too), where not long after she broke up with him.



ihatetechnology said:


> You and me both. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, and I think it destroyed me. Men seem to enjoy being ****ty to me, and I don't understand the head games, and it's getting to the point where I just want to lose a bunch of weight, and then be *****y to them if they start talking to me. Even when I was younger and thinner, men weren't interested in me, and I don't think they ever will be. People tell me to "get out there" and go where the "cool, sexy, intellectual men are" but in my midwestern hell hole, all those types of guys have left.


Say no to bad men and yes to good men (joking). :b 

Chin up.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

Ignopius said:


> Online, the guy doesn't have to know what you look like. On here, people don't even care what you look like. Most of us are self-conscious already about our appearance.
> 
> What is different about conversing at work versus outside of work? Men are not going to chastise you or make fun of you just for wanting in on conversations.


Probably because at work I'm a minor authority figure. I can help them with their projects and recommend things to them.

Outside of work, I really don't have anything to offer. I enjoy writing, and I've self-published books, but men aren't really interested in that.

I went to a party last night. Showed up early before my friend who invited me. So I introduced myself and started talking to a guy, but that didn't last very long, and before too long, I was by myself, while everyone else had someone to talk to, because they all knew each other.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

ANX1 said:


> Men have bad experiences with toxic men, women.
> 
> I'm a pretty boy according to what a older lady said and I've had women (including with SA) that aren't models talk to me for over a half hour in real life.
> 
> ...


Thanks.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

ihatetechnology said:


> Probably because at work I'm a minor authority figure. I can help them with their projects and recommend things to them.
> 
> Outside of work, I really don't have anything to offer. *I enjoy writing, and I've self-published books, but men aren't really interested in that.*
> 
> *I went to a party last night. Showed up early before my friend who invited me. So I introduced myself and started talking to a guy, but that didn't last very long, and before too long, I was by myself,* while everyone else had someone to talk to, because they all knew each other.


Nope.

Well at least you practiced. I haven't been to a party in awhile. But when I do attend, I always sit next to the same person the whole night and make deep intellectual conversation. :grin2: Moving around and chatting with multiple people is for the simple minded extroverts.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

ellirpa said:


> I currently work with twin boys with Autism. It's not anywhere near being exposed to people, but as far as just speaking with people other than family, it helps with co-workers and my boss.
> 
> I've thought about finding a second part-time job to get me out and into working with the public to start associating with people, but it's just getting to that point. I've grabbed up a few applications, filled them out, but never turned them in.
> 
> ...


Get to know some people before and read their posts before you decide to message anyone on here. There are some real weirdos/creeps here.


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## NotTheBest456 (Jan 2, 2016)

ellirpa said:


> It's right in the title--I'm trying to overcome the fear I have for men. If not, I will literally be alone for the rest of my life. I just don't really know what steps I should take to get to that point.
> 
> Being 19, I'm still very young, but I've never been in a relationship. I'm fine talking whenever it's in passing, a simple greeting, but I freak out whenever I have to have a conversation face to face. I get shaky, my heartbeat goes all over the place, and I literally feel sick to my stomach. It's ten times worse whenever I know they have a physical attraction to me. I can speak fine over text, or just messaging through any social media. I like the idea of being with someone, but I am terrified to even get close to taking a step towards that. It makes it difficult when I try to tell them that I'm dealing with SA, but they really do not understand what I'm trying to say. And talking over the phone? Facetiming/Skype? I'd rather be run over. I'm just told that I am going to have to get over myself, and that they'll call til I answer the phone. I'm not sure why it scares me so badly.
> 
> I really don't know what to do, because I do want to go out and date, but it's just so difficult getting over my fears.


You could become a lesbian ?

Onto being serious, the way I got over my fear of men was I pushed myself, gradually, I knew my own limitations and when it was time to stop. If you have trouble ordering from a drive through window, force yourself to do it, then try asking random men questions (like if they knew what time it is, or where the flour is etc.) just take it easy and don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

ihatetechnology said:


> Thanks.


You're welcome.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

NotTheBest456 said:


> You could become a lesbian ?
> 
> Onto being serious, the way I got over my fear of men was I pushed myself, gradually, I knew my own limitations and when it was time to stop. If you have trouble ordering from a drive through window, force yourself to do it, then try asking random men questions (like if they knew what time it is, or where the flour is etc.) just take it easy and don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.


I don't believe I could become a lesbian. I don't have any type of attraction to women haha.

I've always been okay through a drive-thru. That is a good idea though as far as asking random men the time, etc. Thanks for your advice!


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

meepie said:


> Get to know some people before and read their posts before you decide to message anyone on here. There are some real weirdos/creeps here.


Oh for sure! I've been creeped out a few times already, so I'll make sure to watch. Thanks


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

do you have male friends? I never had a female friend my entire life. that just shows how bad it is for me with sa and lack of social skills


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

meepie said:


> Get to know some people before and read their posts before you decide to message anyone on here. There are some real weirdos/creeps here.


Unless someone does something extremely bad, I usually just brush that weird stuff off. Frankly I had to live with weirder people everyday at my old school.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

MobiusX said:


> do you have male friends? I never had a female friend my entire life. that just shows how bad it is for me with sa and lack of social skills


No, I don't.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> No, I don't.


Pick a Guy and say "hi" :b


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> ellirpa said:
> 
> 
> > No, I don't.
> ...


Okay, lemme get right on that 

College starts in the middle of this month, so I'll say "hi" to someone then haha.


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## silentsymbols (Nov 23, 2015)

I used to have this fear massively. But now it's gone away... I think it was because I always viewed males as people who would either want a romantic relationship with me, or wouldn't - and so wouldn't want to talk to me. Both possibilities made me anxious: the first I think because I was scared they'd change their positive opinion of me once they got to know me, which of course made me feel anxious and pressurised; the second, I think because I thought they might be creeped out by me for some reason, or just that they would only want to talk to interesting and confident girls, if they weren't interested in them romantically.

So throughout school I had no male friends, because they scared me too much, for both of the above reasons. They just seemed like a different species to me. In college, I actually made male friends. I don't know what changed, but I guess they had suddenly taken an interest in me, so I really had no choice but to talk to lots of them, and that was nice. But then males who I'd become friends with told me they liked me, when I didn't like them, and then didn't want to be friends with me anymore when I told them this... so I got confused about what friendship with men should be like. Then I carried on not having male friends, because it confused me so much and I didn't want to lead anyone on. I also had boyfriends, and that was fine, but I still didn't have male friends. Then, when I was single, I started liking somebody, and it seemed like he really liked me. But it turned out he didn't. And I think this is what suddenly changed everything somehow, because he was being so friendly towards me, but didn't like me romantically. And that was okay. I didn't think badly of him for it, and I was actually so relieved that someone wanted to be friends with me without having any romantic interest. And since then, I've been able to talk to males fine - at least on the same level as females anyway (everyone makes me anxious).

That ended up being a really long story, but I think what really changed was me just not worrying about potential romance, and seeing them just the same as women. I think the main thing was not worrying about leading anyone on, or worrying that anyone might think I like them, and just treating men and women the same - because I've realised that conversations I have with women could be considered flirty, because being flirty can just be seen as joking, having fun, and connecting with someone. I just try to be friendly (without worrying if that's seen as flirty) with everyone now.

Hope some of that helped / wasn't far too long to read.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

silentsymbols said:


> I used to have this fear massively. But now it's gone away... I think it was because I always viewed males as people who would either want a romantic relationship with me, or wouldn't - and so wouldn't want to talk to me. Both possibilities made me anxious: the first I think because I was scared they'd change their positive opinion of me once they got to know me, which of course made me feel anxious and pressurised; the second, I think because I thought they might be creeped out by me for some reason, or just that they would only want to talk to interesting and confident girls, if they weren't interested in them romantically.
> 
> So throughout school I had no male friends, because they scared me too much, for both of the above reasons. They just seemed like a different species to me. In college, I actually made male friends. I don't know what changed, but I guess they had suddenly taken an interest in me, so I really had no choice but to talk to lots of them, and that was nice. But then males who I'd become friends with told me they liked me, when I didn't like them, and then didn't want to be friends with me anymore when I told them this... so I got confused about what friendship with men should be like. Then I carried on not having male friends, because it confused me so much and I didn't want to lead anyone on. I also had boyfriends, and that was fine, but I still didn't have male friends. Then, when I was single, I started liking somebody, and it seemed like he really liked me. But it turned out he didn't. And I think this is what suddenly changed everything somehow, because he was being so friendly towards me, but didn't like me romantically. And that was okay. I didn't think badly of him for it, and I was actually so relieved that someone wanted to be friends with me without having any romantic interest. And since then, I've been able to talk to males fine - at least on the same level as females anyway (everyone makes me anxious).
> 
> ...


I think your onto something... I think you just need to treat them with respect without any big expectations. If something romantic happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. At least in the mean time you get the good feeling that your getting along with someone from the opposite sex.


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## Konev (Jan 3, 2016)

I'm in your same boat (well, opposite because I'm a guy), and Ive been trying to find someway to reduce my anxiety when talking to girls. For me this has been difficult because I'm awkward, never had female friends, not the best looking, etc. To make things worse, along with the normal anxiety my tourettes gets infinitely worse when I'm attempting to make conversation. One thing that I have tried was just hanging out with a few of my friends and then some of their female friends. Sadly I can't because non of my few friends have female friends or are even interested in making friends with girls...


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## Owlbear (Dec 3, 2015)

1. Forum males can't talk to women
2. Forum women can't talk to men
3. Get them in a hangout
4. Record it and monetize that stuff.
5. Profit!!!!

In all honesty though, just talk to a few guys on here if you want over skype. You'll find most of us are harmless and more scared of you than you are of us.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Actually, thanks to this site, joining four years ago, I learned how to not fear conversing with women as much, mostly online, yet I apply what I learned online to real life. It helped to ease my anxiety.


My SA was so severe, I was for some reason nervous simply chatting to people online. So I forced myself to message and chat. Then moved up to voice chat. Then once that was easier, try video chat with a few girls. Essentially baby steps.

I then forced myself to talk to girls in real life, any girls, no ulterior motives just friends. Two years of that and finally I developed the nerve to ask girls for their number to text.


Hopefully someday I'll find a girl who puts me at ease, the ones who act judgmental/superior, fake nice, or seem nervous/afraid--those girls make me feel that pang of anxiousness. I then mentally decide, weigh the pros and cons of pushing through that mental headache. I decide whether or not she improves my life with her prescense or makes it worse based on her personality.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Basically just exposure therapy. Do you have any male friends including family members that you trust? I usually found it easier to interact with other men if I was with one whom I trusted enough and had my back. I'm also talking to a therapist about it. I just recently came clean to her about my experiences with molestation and rape and that my fear of random men stems from being assaulted by men I was close to in the past. It has helped somewhat.


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## Swagonite (Jun 24, 2014)

This forum is probably the worst to visit then you will just become more paranoid lol. Majority of people here are very negative and feel life is over only a select few see the potential in things and try to stay postive and ever forward in life.


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## ellirpa (Dec 29, 2015)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Basically just exposure therapy. Do you have any male friends including family members that you trust? I usually found it easier to interact with other men if I was with one whom I trusted enough and had my back. I'm also talking to a therapist about it. I just recently came clean to her about my experiences with molestation and rape and that my fear of random men stems from being assaulted by men I was close to in the past. It has helped somewhat.


I don't have any male friends, or males in my family. I mean, I eat out with my grandfather and grandmother pretty much every day, and usually at that time I talk with my grandmother about my anxiety because she suffers from SA as well.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

ellirpa said:


> I don't have any male friends, or males in my family. I mean, I eat out with my grandfather and grandmother pretty much every day, and usually at that time I talk with my grandmother about my anxiety because she suffers from SA as well.


It is hard for a girl who doesn't have a father in her life.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

Ignopius said:


> Nope.
> 
> Well at least you practiced. I haven't been to a party in awhile. But when I do attend, I always sit next to the same person the whole night and make deep intellectual conversation. :grin2: Moving around and chatting with multiple people is for the simple minded extroverts.


I've decided I'm good at one-on-one conversation. But if it's a group of five or more, everyone pairs off and I'm left by myself. I'm also good if I'm in front of a class, because again, I'm the authority figure. I just wish I could feel as authoritative in front of men.


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## ihatetechnology (Dec 24, 2012)

ellirpa said:


> This is _exactly_ how I feel. No matter what I do, it's like I just can't be liked by people. I can't please them in any way. I have put myself down and put myself down to the point that I can't look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. I've learned to be disgusted by myself because if everyone else hates me, maybe I should hate myself.
> 
> I even hit a time whenever I starved myself for a few days, because I just wanted to be thinner. I wanted to look pretty. Maybe I would've been liked then?


I'm really sorry about your situation. If that is your picture in your avatar, you are REALLY pretty and I honestly don't know what to say as to why you feel uncomfortable around men. I used to think that being comfortable with men was based on looks only, but you look at movie stars and models who have been cheated on by their men, and it makes you wonder. I think part of the problem these days may be how sexual everything is. People are supposed to lose their virginity by a certain age or be branded a loser. If you go out three times with someone, it's sex by the third date or else. I can understand sexual attraction; I've certainly felt attracted to certain men for a variety of reasons, but anymore, it's because they were kind to me and initiated conversations with me. They also asked me about my writing--it seems like for some guys, that's something that is interesting to them. However, the men I'm really, REALLY attracted to seem to be married.

It's not like I look to see if they are wearing a ring, and then decide to have a crush on them. Anymore, I really need to feel comfortable with a guy. They could be the most handsome men, but if they are mean to me, forget it.

Your quote hit me hard. I feel the same way a lot of the time. Like no matter what, I have nothing to offer men. And I HATE it when people suggest that I start dating women. I've NEVER had an attraction to a woman, and the feelings I've had for the men I've had crushes on in the past couple years have been unbelievably intense. And it's terrible knowing that I can't really do anything about it.

Please don't hate yourself. Please don't starve yourself. Sometimes I get really down, and I'm in a down period now, but I try to look at the positives. I've never been in a horrible marriage. I've never gotten together with a guy who I thought was the love of my life, and then betrayed me. I never brought children into the world I couldn't raise properly. I'm in school now, and I keep telling myself that I am free to get an advanced degree, and I don't have to worry about anyone except my dog and cat. I can study as much as I want. I don't have to get home to cook anyone dinner. I'm hoping to get a good paying job once I graduate, and maybe I can hang on to my weekend job and really bring in some decent money and accomplish some goals, like buying out my brother's share of the house I live in and fix it up. I can maybe save money to do some fun stuff. I can travel. Be more financially secure.

Yes, it may be a lonely life. I may never find anyone. I never really wanted kids in the first place, but it would be really nice to have a fun guy I'm really attracted to that enjoys some of the same stuff that I do. If it happens, it happens. But if it doesn't, I need to keep living my life--have goals, travel, do things that make me happy.

Don't let this interfere with doing things in your life. So many people I know don't do anything because they don't have anyone to do things with. If I had to wait for someone to have lunch/dinner with, or go skiing with, or go to amusement parks with, or go to the movies with, I'd never do those things. I go skiing by myself; I just try to be careful so I don't get injured. I take books with me when I eat out. I love roller coasters and decided I could go to Cedar Point by myself, and it turns out it's more enjoyable than going with someone. Why? Because I can decide when to get there, what I'm going to ride, when I'm going to stop and eat (if I even want to take out time to have a meal, usually I munch on snacks that I sneak in) when to take a break, when to walk on the beach, etc. If I only ride on one roller coaster twice during the entire day, at least I'm doing what I want and I don't have to worry about what anyone else wants to do. I people watch. I take pictures and enjoy the weather and think about how happy I feel when I'm riding my favorite coaster.

Sorry this post is so long, but I understand where you are coming from. I was your age once. I've been to therapists. I've tried to "fake it until I make it" but I'm not good at pretending--it just feels phony. I admit I'm jealous of women who can wrap men around their fingers. Sometimes I think I really do want to lose a bunch of weight (I had the cosmetic surgery that I've wanted since I was 12) and if I get attention from men (hahahaha) I sort of want to be mean to them. Sort of a payback from the decades they didn't want me. I don't look my age, which is good, and I think if I lost a bunch of weight, I would physically feel better. If I was really in shape, I might feel like I have power over men, and I can basically be rude and snotty back to them. I know that seems childish and immature. Maybe it doesn't even make sense.

But I do know one thing. I don't want just any guy. I want a guy I feel is worth my time. Someone I love to be with and is exciting--intelligent, fun, sexy--a guy who is willing to be patient and get to know me. Because if he takes his time with me, and gets to know me as a person, I think I have a lot of love and passion to give.  You deserve someone who is good for you. I hope you can get past this issue. I am not sure I ever will, but please don't feel like you're alone. It may seem like you are the only person dealing with this, but you are not. Stay safe and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!


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