# Do you feel utterly alone?



## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

Do you feel utterly alone?


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## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

I have essentially stopped talking to what few friends I had left in the past year. All I have is three brothers. I suppose that's something.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

At times, very much so.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Yes, I do. Then I remember that I could never be alone when there's Japanese manufactured man-pillows. Oh, Japanese man-pillow, I could never abandon you. You make me feel not so alone; like I have a man in my life.... who is made of synthetic foam and woven cotton.

Yes, that post was partly sarcastic. I'll let _which part_ be up to you.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

I was at work the other night and then the realization hit me...The other three people there had at least significant others to go home to, and two of them had children as well...I had nothing to go home to...Even in a house with my mother and brother, I have ostracized myself so much that it is like I don't even exist...I have a few, casual workplace friends, but never a girlfriend, never anyone to talk to, give me comfort, to communicate with, give me solace, give me a hug when I am feeling down etc...I am utterly alone...It has always been that way, and the odds are that it will always be that way...
Utterly alone, no one to take notice of my life, my yearning to love and be loved, to share experiences with, and to go through this life together with....It is like being a forgotten photo, in a nondescript box in the back of a closet that no one ever opens for fifty years...Those ancient, black and white photos 
that no one recognizes and just throws out into the rubbish...Gone forever, "Like tears in the rain." (BladeRunner quote).... Dave


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Yes. I have no friends in the real world. I've given my phone # out probably a hundred times at least by now and managed to get only 9 SAS members to call me (WinterDave included). My 5th year on SAS and I've met 4 SAS members in person and talked to 9 on the phone. Not very impressive for all that time.

I've run literally several hundred personal ads over the years and never managed to find a GF. Only one woman still keeps in contact with me once in a rare while, apparently just to irritate and annoy me by finding fault with everything I do or fail to do, just like she did in person back in the mid-1990s.

My father is dead. One of my brothers is dead. My other brother hasn't come to visit since January. Other than my mother I am alone and at 78 I realize that she's not going to live forever and then I will be 100% alone.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

i got 1 friend and 1 gf, im content for now although I spend 95% of my time alone.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Well, what a happy thread. 

I'm also alone and isolated. Not _utterly_, but not far from it. I blame myself.

I feel the most alone when I'm with others. Seems like a paradox, doesn't it?


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## quiet_one (Jun 14, 2006)

Right now I don't, but I definently have in the past.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

WinterDave said:


> Do you feel utterly alone?


Not anymore


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: Do you feel utterly alone?*



UltraShy said:


> Yes. I have no friends in the real world. I've given my phone # out probably a hundred times at least by now and managed to get only 9 SAS members to call me (WinterDave included). My 5th year on SAS and I've met 4 SAS members in person and talked to 9 on the phone. Not very impressive for all that time.


9 is pretty good. You got to understand lots of members have problems using the phone. You also met 4 members. That is a lot more compared to me at zero. :lol


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

We're all alone.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> My 5th year on SAS and I've met 4 SAS members in person and talked to 9 on the phone. Not very impressive for all that time.


That beats probably like 99% of us. I've been here almost as long and you have me trumped by....4 meets and 9 phone calls, ha.



> We're all alone.


Yes...


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Yes, I feel completely alone and isolated most of the time. I have a few friends in real life but I only see them a couple times a year. Other than my parents and a few friends online I have nobody.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: Do you feel utterly alone?*



Zephyr said:


> > My 5th year on SAS and I've met 4 SAS members in person and talked to 9 on the phone. Not very impressive for all that time.
> 
> 
> That beats probably like 99% of us. I've been here almost as long and you have me trumped by....4 meets and 9 phone calls, ha.


Yeah, but the people who call me are mostly male and of the females who've called they are rather out of reach due to factors including great distance, sexual orientation (lesbian), or age.

I get to meet a woman who has a BF she met on SAS and a guy and a girl I seem to have nothing in common with excluding the SA thing.

The numbers hide this sad reality.


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## NihilBoni (May 4, 2007)

Normally not, but sometimes - yes, due to the misuderstanding. :sigh


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

yes


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## Invisible To The World (Dec 23, 2006)

yes  I wish my anxiety would just go away so I could have a normal life (friends, going to parties, having fun, etc) like everyone else.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Vincenzo said:


> We're all alone.


I was lying in bed having this exact same thought, amongst many thoughts that caused an anxiety attack. No matter what, we're alone in the big scheme of things. It scares me that I'm so dependent because those people I depend on (mainly my mom) are only temporary. They won't be around forever. I need to learn how to stand on my own.


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Yeah, a lot and it sucks. It sucks. It really sucks. Gad. You just don;t know. :rain


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

As of this moment there are 12680 people on this board. So no, I don't. :group 

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

I have lonliness definately...what else could explain my ranking as the fourth highest poster in May???

I have a shattered, splintered family....while I call my mom every week or two its hardly a great relationship. The one relationship I did have with a sister has pretty much gone out the window. 

However, I do have my son and my husband and I am very lucky for that. But we both have SA so their are no friends coming over to dinner or to hang out with. My son lives on his own in another state and I have a stepson that lives out of the country that we see twice a year. 

I wish I could say marriage is the be all end all cure to lonliness but I dont see it that way. At some point, one longs to have some kind of social network. I have a few acquaintances that I used to work with but not working there anymore has kind of put that on the back burner.

SAS is the closest thing I have anymore to socializing, sadly to say. 

Karl laments how he has "only" called nine people. Like Zephyr says, hey that is nine more than me.


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## Amelia (Nov 24, 2003)

Although I spend most of my time alone, I've perfected self-distraction and time-wasting to such an extent that I don't feel lonely most of the time. I often feel a lot lonelier in the company of people who are not on the same wavelength or who are hostile in some way.


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## Jennifer81 (Oct 15, 2012)

Since I can remember, I've always had trouble making friends. I have a quiet personality. Kids would come and strike conversations, but I'm usually pretty awkward, and end up making bad second impressions. I wish I had real friends to talk to, but I don't know where to even meet people. It's really hard to even find people to talk to these days. I don't look sad when people see me, but l'm sad most of the times.


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## BillC (Oct 12, 2012)

Omg yes. Is it bad that I always look forward to coming home and going on this forum?


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

No, but I probably will in 5 or so years when all my friends start pairing up and getting married and I am still alone.


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## jessgirl (Oct 15, 2012)

I do...no matter how many people I'm surrounded by.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yes. My mom died when I was 17. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was 10. I do not know my cousins and aunts/uncles. My dad lives 400 miles from me and my sister lives 3000 miles away. My dad can not be counted on. 2 years ago when I needed to borrow $400 to pay the rent he refused and wouldn't even answer my phone calls. When I was a teenager after my mom died, he got rid of our house and moved us into my step-monster's condo. My sister and I slept in the living room for 2 years. He and my step-monster traveled the world with the money they saved while we suffered in the living room. They also gave away my 2 cats to the pound without telling me. They were most likely killed. 

My sister does call often and she does care but she can be rather cold. If I were to become homeless she might let me stay at her place for a month and then I'd be promptly kicked out. 

I have no close friends. I didn't even have a desk to study on for my first 2 years in SF because I had no one with a car to help me buy one at Ikea or on craigslist. So I did all my studying on my bed. If I were to get sick I have no one to help me get medicine or food. I'm utterly alone.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

komorikun said:


> Yes. My mom died when I was 17. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was 10. I do not know my cousins and aunts/uncles. My dad lives 400 miles from me and my sister lives 3000 miles away. My dad can not be counted on. 2 years ago when I needed to borrow $400 to pay the rent he refused and wouldn't even answer my phone calls. When I was a teenager after my mom died, he got rid of our house and moved us into my step-monster's condo. My sister and I slept in the living room for 2 years. He and my step-monster traveled with world with the money they saved while we suffered in the living room. They also gave away my 2 cats to the pound without telling me. They were most likely killed.
> 
> My sister does call often and she does care but she can be rather cold. If I were to become homeless she might let me stay at her place for a month and then I'd be promptly kicked out.
> 
> I have no close friends. I didn't even have a desk to study on for my first 2 years in San Francisco because I had no one with a car to help me buy one at Ikea or on craigslist. So I did all my studying on my bed. If I were to get sick I have no one to help me get medicine or food. I'm utterly alone.


Damn. I feel for you.

I'm utterly alone in a lot of ways but I won't get into it now. I think I'll leave the house now.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I'm not alone because I'm living with my parents. Now I'm starting to feel alone because I don't have anybody other than my parents.


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## Stormclouds (Mar 8, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Yes. My mom died when I was 17. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was 10. I do not know my cousins and aunts/uncles. My dad lives 400 miles from me and my sister lives 3000 miles away. My dad can not be counted on. 2 years ago when I needed to borrow $400 to pay the rent he refused and wouldn't even answer my phone calls. When I was a teenager after my mom died, he got rid of our house and moved us into my step-monster's condo. My sister and I slept in the living room for 2 years. He and my step-monster traveled the world with the money they saved while we suffered in the living room. They also gave away my 2 cats to the pound without telling me. They were most likely killed.
> 
> My sister does call often and she does care but she can be rather cold. If I were to become homeless she might let me stay at her place for a month and then I'd be promptly kicked out.
> 
> I have no close friends. I didn't even have a desk to study on for my first 2 years in San Francisco because I had no one with a car to help me buy one at Ikea or on craigslist. So I did all my studying on my bed. If I were to get sick I have no one to help me get medicine or food. I'm utterly alone.


This made me cry. I hope things get better for you.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Rufus said:


> Damn. I feel for you.
> 
> I'm utterly alone in a lot of ways but I won't get into it now. I think I'll leave the house now.





Stormclouds said:


> This made me cry. I hope things get better for you.


I've learned to deal with it. I went to Japan at age 20 and only lived in the same city as my dad for one year since then (at age 28 ). My dad still wonders why (and holds a grudge) I didn't call from Japan for 3 months but whatever.... But I still get very nervous about not finding a job and such since there is no buffer.

My dad is weird. He did buy me a new computer 3 years ago and paid for my ticket to NY to see my sister this year but if I'm ever down and out broke he won't help. The reason for this is he is deathly afraid of me becoming a chronic leech on him. He has other problems too. Like when his older sister got cancer, he did not visit her in the months before she died. Only phone calls. Never once came to visit me in Japan. At least my sister came to see me.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

All the time.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

At times. At school I feel completely alone because I am alone. All the time.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Currently, yes. I'm alone at university with no friends or my family. There's no one I can talk to comfortably and whose company I enjoy. And there's no one that cares about my wellbeing within a few hundred miles of my city.

I was already aware of this but not painfully so until I caught the flu, and didn't have anyone to buy me medication or food (my roommate is inconsiderate and usually MIA). After the third day, I realized _I_ had to get out of bed and _I_ had to help myself if I wanted to get better. I don't think I've ever known a worse feeling than feeling as utterly alone as I did then.


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## deletedaccount12345 (Oct 18, 2012)

It depends on the day. Today I feel very alone and wish I had people to chat with just like everyone else. I feel like I am the absolutely only one without any friends. Sometimes I am perfectly content being all alone for long periods of time.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes. I talk to myself far more than I talk to other people. When I took Spanish class at college, I actually remember thinking that I spoke more words in Spanish than English everyday because I never had a reason to talk to people outside of that class. It made me hesitant to answer questions in class cause I kept mentally conjugating verbs and working through sentence structure, when I could just answer in English.

I actually have long conversations with hypothetical people in my head. Like I imagine if I had a psychiatrist what would I say, then I go through the entire conversation mentally to explain what I am doing and why. I really want to have someone that I can connect with and talk about everything. It's all I think about.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Yes, everyday..never ends.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I still feel alone, I have a few friends but no one really understands me. :sigh


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Yeah, cause I am alone. My car tire got flat this semester and I got so worried cause I'd have no one to drive me to the auto shop (luckily I was able to drive it there and get it fixed while I waited). But I regularly worry about getting sick, or breaking something and needing crutches so I couldn't carry my books or w/e, where I'd need someone else, and that I'd have nobody. At my old college I did, but here, nope. 
Today I felt so lonely for company, I kept calling my mom cause I needed someone to talk to. 
So yeah I definitely feel alone.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Yep.


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## applesauce5482 (Apr 26, 2012)

yup, pretty much


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## StayingMotivated (Sep 5, 2011)

no never


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

UltraShy said:


> Yes. I have no friends in the real world. I've given my phone # out probably a hundred times at least by now and managed to get only 9 SAS members to call me (WinterDave included). My 5th year on SAS and I've met 4 SAS members in person and talked to 9 on the phone. Not very impressive for all that time.
> 
> I've run literally several hundred personal ads over the years and never managed to find a GF. Only one woman still keeps in contact with me once in a rare while, apparently just to irritate and annoy me by finding fault with everything I do or fail to do, just like she did in person back in the mid-1990s.
> 
> My father is dead. One of my brothers is dead. My other brother hasn't come to visit since January. Other than my mother I am alone and at 78 I realize that she's not going to live forever and then I will be 100% alone.


1- they didn't call coz u r not a girl !! lolol

2-there is another memeber who didn't met any member before!

3- Not the only one!!, there r millions like u!:boogie

4-Still, better than other members I know! 

it's not a bad idea to travel somewhere (as far as I know u never left u town before in ur life) don't waste ur life hating others!....


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

^You dug up something I posted nearly 5 and half years ago.

Since then I have met two more SAS members in person (both female). Nothing came of that though.

Have finally found a woman on SAS who could be GF material, though distance is a major issue.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

komorikun said:


> I've learned to deal with it. I went to Japan at age 20 and only lived in the same city as my dad for one year since then (at age 28 ). My dad still wonders why (and holds a grudge) I didn't call from Japan for 3 months but whatever.... But I still get very nervous about not finding a job and such since there is no buffer.
> 
> My dad is weird. He did buy me a new computer 3 years ago and paid for my ticket to NY to see my sister this year but if I'm ever down and out broke he won't help. The reason for this is he is deathly afraid of me becoming a chronic leech on him. He has other problems too. Like when his older sister got cancer, he did not visit her in the months before she died. Only phone calls. Never once came to visit me in Japan. At least my sister came to see me.


I get the idea that your family operates on shame rather than pride, going in step with the narcissism idea. Mine too. No one talks overtly about the shame, it's just there. A lot of people are like that. A lot of people are messed up and sad, etc.


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

UltraShy said:


> ^You dug up something I posted nearly 5 and half years ago.
> 
> Since then I have met two more SAS members in person (both female). Nothing came of that though.
> 
> Have finally found a woman on SAS who could be GF material, though distance is a major issue.


 congratulations!


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## Guldove (Oct 17, 2012)

Not really, just understimulated and kind out of touch. A few good online communities I hang out in help, but it's not the same as having a real social circle offline, you know?


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

I don't feel that way, as I am still young and have my parents and my sister, plus a couple of friends at home.
At uni I do feel 95% alone.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

Definitely and to the point of being suicidal. If I didn't live with my family and have my mum I would off myself a long time ago. Sorry for the negative post. I've been feeling down.


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