# Who would you rather date?



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

And why?
I would rather date the person with no relationships as we'd be on a similar playing field. Then my second choice with be B, as even though it's hard to compete with a long-term ex, at least it shows they can commit and have some degree of conflict-management. C would be a red flag to me.


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## Whatswhat (Jan 28, 2018)

None of those sound that good... I think a couple normal relationships is a good history.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

At my age it's almost nigh impossible to find someone who hasn't been in a relationship. I don't mind if they have been in a previous relationship. Having a long relationship could indicate that there was a real sense of trust between two people and loyalty. It's fine to have a short relationship if you found out the person turned out to not be who they appeared so that can happen and you're not really to blame.

The real red flag is multiple relationships that go nowhere, I'm guessing it's either their high standards, their inability to commit or something else is the matter.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

B could go back to their ex or decide they need some single time to sort themselves out, or use me briefly as a rebound. Odds are high that it won't last long, or that they're co-dependent (incapable of being single) and I'll wish it didn't last.
C is a statistically terrible bet to last, seems they tire of people. I'm not sure it's worth the effort of starting a relationship that I know will put me through the pain of a breakup in a year or two.

That leaves A by default, even though it's going to make things harder when they have zero experience.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I think those are kind of irrelevant criteria. the causes of those things could be anything, could be happenstance. meaningless out of context.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I'd say B. No relationships is a huge red flag. Lots of short-term ones isn't all that much better in my opinion.

So I'd go with someone that's been in a fairly long-term one. It seems more normal and stable.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

It's up to yourselves if you have particular deal-breakers regarding your date's past that you wouldn't accept. But otherwise, personally I'd like to think I'd give people a fair chance to start afresh (an option incidentally not provided above. None of us are perfect and I think there should only be extreme circumstances for which we can consider anyone as "damaged goods" (from our own dating-options perspective).


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

harrison said:


> I'd say B. No relationships is a huge red flag. Lots of short-term ones isn't all that much better in my opinion.
> 
> So I'd go with someone that's been in a fairly long-term one. It seems more normal and stable.


Out of interest, why do you think no relationships is a red flag?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Out of interest, why do you think no relationships is a red flag?


I think it can be problematic because you do learn a lot from experience. and also that person possibly isnt into having a relationship so much or has some array of difficulties. but anyway I think if you like someone you just take the risk. unless they're going to kill you in your sleep or something the worst that can happen is you have a bad time lol. (in theory anyway, in practice there's anxiety, self-preservation, etiquette, etc in the way).


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## Einstein's ghost. (Jun 2, 2021)

Someone with no experience or very little, because there's a better chance they'll be more open minded & haven't imprinted more rigid societal views into there psyche.

Cause ya know look where that's got us in general as a species, a planet being slowly but surely destroyed, mental illness, random violence & substance abuse is rampant & we seem to be getting more insane every year, think outside the box man


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Einstein's ghost. said:


> Someone with no experience or very little, because there's a better chance they'll be more open minded & haven't imprinted more rigid societal views into there psyche.
> 
> Cause ya know look where that's got us in general as a species, a planet being slowly but surely destroyed, mental illness, random violence & substance abuse is rampant & we seem to be getting more insane every year, think outside the box man


relationship avoiders aren't generally the out-of-the-box-thinking experimental types


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Out of interest, why do you think no relationships is a red flag?


Because there's always a reason. And I'd want to know what those reasons are.

You learn a lot by being in a relationship - especially a fairly long one. You learn how to give and take and that the world doesn't revolve around you. (not you personally, of course) I guess it's just a question of experience.

Edit: also, what andy1984 said - he put it very well.


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## Greenmacaron (Jul 20, 2019)

I would just date a man who was ready for a relationship, who is completely over his ex(s) and who could be honest and faithful. 

Their previous relationshop situations wouldn't bother me as long as they are capable of putting into our relationship. 

As for someone with no previous relationship, as long as it was a reasonable explanation like building their career etc I wouldn't judge.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

I'm not even interested in an actual relationship; just friends with benefits at the most. But if I had to choose I'd say C. To me it's always felt icky that the vast majority of people seem intent on finding someone with the same low level of experience, whether it's relationships or intimacy. Like if neither person knows what they're doing it's almost certainly not going to end well, you know? I want someone with a ton of experience who can show me the ropes. But I don't want anything long-term and I'd be worried that someone who just got out of such a relationship might want the same thing again so that wouldn't work.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I've never had a problem with someone who has had multiple relationships, it is just not very concerning to me. People who have had only a long term relationship and are going back into the game, would not appeal to me as much because I would think they need to spread their wings a bit and experiment around with different people to find their match - I would feel like I was cheating them out of that. Someone with no experience would be much the same, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone like that, because I would be looking for a longer term relationship and feel that I was imposing on them. Also, I would look for someone in my own age range, and being middle aged, I would think they just settled for me, I don't want that.

With someone who has had multiple relationships, I would feel more at ease, if things worked out then great, I wouldn't feel as though I imposed on them, and better yet, out of all of the relationships they have had I was the one they chose to be with. I would feel comforted by that, not because of some weird competition thing, but because I knew they really liked me.

But I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm in one and have been for a long time. She was the choice 'C', and I'm happy I went with that 🙃


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

This is something I don't care about at all but I wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge me for my lack of experience or people who make assumptions about who I am as a person based on that, that annoys me and turns me off. Likewise if they think it's great because I'm a perfect naïve innocent so on 🤢

It's a moot point anyway since I can't really have sex. (I've only given guys handjobs and have no experience with women.) I also can't have relationships because people don't really understand me.

Even though I've had two relationships I still feel like I haven't had any due to my weird sexuality and the nature of those relationships, so I feel like when people talk about people who have had none and say negative things about that they're talking about me lol. Tbf unless you have piv most people don't count it anyway. Cause it's not actually about relationships it's about sex acts.


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