# Maintaining Eye Contact



## Chaotic Clessy (Dec 25, 2003)

For the past few months I've been working on maintaining eye contact with those that I pass by while at school. I've noticed quite a difference from other people (girls especially) when I keep eye contact instead of simply looking away out of fear/shyness/what have you~

It's all a part of making my persona more visible instead of behind a wall of silence (which I have an easier time doing on the Internet)~

Next thing to do: Calling people by name more. I notice that I generally don't do that much at all...eep! Also, compliments - I rarely give those out, as it often feels either forced, awkward, or both. Unless it's something REALLY spiffy.

And finally be more comfortable talking to random peeps. Elevators in dorms are nice places to practice with random people 

But anywho...I shall be off like a TV in a library!


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

Good goals.


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## vanessaB76 (Nov 13, 2003)

Learning to make eye contact was one of the first things that I forced myself to do when I first decided that I didn't want to be this way anymore. I now make eye contact with everybody. It's easy now, just takes practice. Now, I just need to learn how to talk to people. :afr


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## landersen (Aug 2, 2008)

This is something I still have to figure out myself. If you keep constant eye contact with strangers who pass you, they can only be offended if they themselves keep longer than usual eye contact ;-)

I play this game at traffic stops often, where people tend to look into the rear mirror to see who's behind them. I look them directly into the eyes with the intention of being the one who holds eye contact longer.

Sometimes, however, the guy in front of me intimidates me so much that I become a little afraid and give in ;-)


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## landersen (Aug 2, 2008)

In other words: You can't go wrong with staring, keeping uninterrupted eye contact with whom ever you want. 

The other person is ONLY able to detect that if they themselves stare (= contact longer than usual). If they look away as they usually do, they will simply assume you also looked away, as this is the normal behavior and they have no proof of the opposite and don't suspect a thing.


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## serolf (Jan 10, 2008)

Good points there. I've also been practicing eye contact, especially with strangers. When I run outside, I try to make eye contact with the drivers passing by me. And I try to do it with confidence. It really feels good to do that, just like other people can.

I hardly ever say people's name in conversation. I should make a note to try and do that.


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## Dr. PsyD (Oct 6, 2008)

Tips about eye contact:

In normal conversations, whether short or long, it is common for people to look away from each other's eyes naturally during the course of the conversation. These "look away" moments can happen when someone coughs, blows their nose, something occurs outside of the environment of the conversation, or when both people laugh at a joke.

When re-connecting eye contact during the interaction, remember that it is also common to not look back and forth between someone's right & left eyes, but instead to focus on one of their eyes. If you are successful, the person will do the same thing, which you'll notice when one of their eyes is directly looking into one of your eyes. This is a much more comfortable way of maintaining eye contact because you only have to focus on one of their eyes. Some therapists recommend looking at the bridge of someone's nose, but I don't like prescribing this behavioral treatment aside from an initial behavioral exposure to the homework, because it can result in problems down the line where the person may come out and ask you, "is there something on my nose!?" 

Last thing-- it is always a good idea to have a small smile on your face and do the "head nod" when making eye contact with strangers on the street. If they respond back, feel free to say, "Hi!". They may interpret this as an invitation to engage in conversation, which would then give you some practice with small talk, while still walking- "heck of a cold day today, eh?".


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## Mnster (Oct 2, 2008)

Only 35% of a conversation is words. The rest is all body language. Expressions, voice tones, eye contact and several other expressions of emotion. I watched a whole thing on body language the History channel had it on the other night. I learned a crap load about the effects of body language and its effects on society. Needless to say body language makes a larger difference then what you are physically transmitting by voice. Therefore, I feel your definitly on the right path. I'm going to have join you on these goals.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

BostonB said:


> What about situations at work, for example. Someone you see everyday. Making eye contact from across the room. Sometimes it feels like it's turning into a staring match and I get uncomfortable.


I would say to stop looking at them. If you have to look in their direction just look around them, or if you do look at them, don't focus on something specific like their eyes, but just look at their entire face.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I do this with one guy in my Social Psych class. He stares at me and I stare back. I'm not sure why this happens.


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