# At what age will you decide to settle if you haven't met 'The One'?



## sociallyclueless (Apr 1, 2014)

Honestly speaking, I feel as with each year that I grow older, my standards in the opposite sex decline steadily and I'm more willing to date outside the bubble. 

Will you ever settle? If you suddenly wake up and realize you're 40 and unmarried, will you settle on someone who's willing?


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## ThatGuy11200 (Sep 3, 2012)

I'm just looking for companionship from a relationship, anything else would be a luxury. I'd happily settle.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

No 
but I'm only looking for a place to settle not a person to settle with 
If someone comes into my life that's all good but if not ever again that's just the way it is so the place is more important to me than the someone .


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

Never, I don't see how settling would be better than staying single.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

As someone who has zero desire in marriage, this question baffles me. Being single is not the worse thing that could happen to a person. Being stuck with someone you don't like, though, could be.


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## loneliness (Oct 3, 2013)

Never. I'm not settling for less with someone I'm supposed to spend a great deal of time with and love.

That's not so say my list of required traits in the opposite sex is unreasonable. 

If I never meet that person then that's a shame. Loner for life it is. I've learned to not be too attached to the outcome.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i don't understand settling. i'll take what i want. if i don't want it i wont. there isn't really a plan as to the kind of girl i'll look for or marriage or anything. if i fall for a girl who is stupid or evil or ugly, so be it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I'd only want to marry if I'd been with someone for a while and was really in love with them, but marriage isn't exactly the most important thing to me so I feel no pressure to settle just so I can get married, that's just stupid. 

In general I can't see myself settling either, I'll probably get lonely later in life if things carry on as they have now and I grow distant with my family, but hopefully I'll have friends on and off at least...


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Never. The only person that I would be with is one I'm attracted to.


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## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

I just can't imagine ever wanting to marry someone as I'm not one of those people that would rather be with someone -anyone- instead of being alone and I honestly cannot imagine what kind of woman would be required to create a healthy marriage with someone like me, much less where I could find such an odd person.

So I prefer to focus on trying to make meaningful, long lasting friendships. The options aren't limited to just marriage and romantic love or being completely alone, or at least I don't think they should be.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> As someone who has zero desire in marriage, this question baffles me. Being single is not the worse thing that could happen to a person. Being stuck with someone you don't like, though, could be.


I agree. I don't want to have children, either, so I'm not in any rush to find someone I really want to be with again(I know what real love is since I've experienced it). I'm not the type who'd settle for a companion just to avoid being lonely. I don't understand people like that.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

There's no such thing as "the one". Well, unless you're Mark from Peep Show (then every woman is the one!)


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Settling sounds like the worse idea I can think of.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Probably never. I'd rather stay single and free than get stuck with someone I can't get along with, just because society says you need to get married.


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## StNaive (Feb 21, 2013)

I don't want to set a point at which I'll start 'settling' or even settle at all, because I imagine just the fact that I did that would make me less happy with my partner. Like, it'd always be in the back of my mind that I'm only with this guy because I decided I couldn't do any better and was desperate. Which wouldn't be fair for either of us.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I don't think there is such a thing as 'the one', and being with someone you don't love isn't fair on them or you. Also, many of the happier older women I know are single, so. It's not like being a spinster or an old maid. As long as you have a circle of friends and family, that kind of independence seems enviable rather than miserable. Whereas living with somebody who frustrates you, that seems pretty miserable.


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## midnightson (Nov 6, 2013)

I'm willing to settle now. Settle in the sense that I've long grown out of looking for a soulmate or whatever you want to call it. I still have to be attracted to the girl physically and emotionally. 

Unfortunately I'm so bad with women that I don't see even that ever happening.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)




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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

She already came and went. I find most people dont share my sensibilities and without that or a spark, whats the point in settling for someone i could not love? just to be alone despite actually having someone sounds worse than actually being alone


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## Johana (Feb 3, 2014)

I decided to "settle" on my own as a single woman when I was approaching the age of 30. I thought I'd rather stay single than build a life with someone I wasn't interested in.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Please define "settle"

No one finds the perfect mate so doesn't everyone settle?


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

I know what I want. I won't settle. I'll probably be forever alone.
Oh well.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Probably never, because you'd have to attract someone in order to even settle.


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## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

I don't know. 35 maybe? I certainly haven't given up hope yet.


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## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

AllToAll said:


> As someone who has zero desire in marriage, this question baffles me. Being single is not the worse thing that could happen to a person. Being stuck with someone you don't like, though, could be.


Do you live in the western world? If so, how does a woman get stuck with someone she doesn't like except by her own choice. If you'd rather be alone than with someone you don't like, you can't really be stuck in a marriage, seeing as women have nothing to lose in it.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I find that at the moment I just couldn't settle for anyone who shows an interest. I have to be attracted to them and their personality. Otherwise months or years down the line it will fail.

If I think about the future, I can't see me settling down with anyone that shows an interest when I reach a certain age. Saying that though, if i'm single when I get to that age I may feel different about it and feel so lonely that I will settle for anyone



As for AngelClare,

I think the OP was referring to having standards now. Knowing what sort of guy/girl you could have a chance with. So settling down now (having a family, kids, etc) with someone of your realistic standards who you genuinely find attractive and get on well with. Or reaching an age of 40+ where the chance of meeting someone is decreased so you get with the first person who comes along, even if you don't like them in any way.

Nobody does find someone "perfect" because nobody is perfect, but people stand a better chance at meeting a suitable match before they hit 40


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

PatheticGuy said:


> Do you live in the western world? If so, how does a woman get stuck with someone she doesn't like except by her own choice. If you'd rather be alone than with someone you don't like, you can't really be stuck in a marriage, seeing as women have nothing to lose in it.


I was raised in a Western country, but I don't live in the "western world." Everyone who ends up in an unhappy relationship does so by their own will. Men aren't exempt from that. 
As for the latter part of your comment, I really don't know what you mean/are getting at.


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## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

35


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

I'm far more scared to "settle" than to stay single. It's not like I have high "standards" or crazy expectations. I just want someone I care about, have a connection with and for there to be mutual attraction. I don't want to be with someone I normally wouldn't have been just to keep from being alone.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Never. Settling just seems pointless to me. As long as I have a few good friends and a fulfilling career I'll be happy


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

sociallyclueless said:


> If you suddenly wake up and realize *you're 40* and unmarried, will you settle on someone who's willing?





pete24 said:


> Or reaching an age of 40+ where the chance of meeting someone is decreased so you get with the first person who comes along, even if you don't like them in any way.
> 
> Nobody does find someone "perfect" because nobody is perfect, but people stand a better chance at meeting a suitable match *before they hit 40*


Hmmm...I guess 40 is the new 90. Wow this thread is doing wonders for my self esteem.

I would never settle. I just couldn't. I can't imagine being with someone I wasn't attracted to, not just physically, but in every other way too. I don't know how anyone could do that, it's almost like using someone to be with you, just so that you're not alone? I can see that kind of relationship ending really quickly with both of you hating each others guts.


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## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

AllToAll said:


> I was raised in a Western country, but I don't live in the "western world." Everyone who ends up in an unhappy relationship does so by their own will. Men aren't exempt from that.
> As for the latter part of your comment, I really don't know what you mean/are getting at.


It's quite obvious what I meant but if you want to be naive, I mean the ridiculous bias in women's favor in divorce. Women really have nothing to lose in marriage other than maybe some chances at guys that won't look at her because she's married.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Go for The Two


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

you can't settle for anybody if nobody is even interested in you.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

TenYears said:


> Hmmm...I guess 40 is the new 90. Wow this thread is doing wonders for my self esteem.
> 
> I would never settle. I just couldn't. I can't imagine being with someone I wasn't attracted to, not just physically, but in every other way too. I don't know how anyone could do that, it's almost like using someone to be with you, just so that you're not alone? I can see that kind of relationship ending really quickly with both of you hating each others guts.


When I was 19 there was a 25-year-old guy in my class and remember thinking wow he's old. lol. So, don't take it personally. They're just young.

About this settling nonsense: when you're young, you think you're going to grow up, be an astronaut and marry Jessica Alba. Anything less than Jessica Alba is settling. But what happens is you meet an average looking chubby nurse who makes you laugh and fall for fer. Twenty years and three children later you wouldn't trade her for all the Jessica Alba's in the world.

I think what most mean by "settling" is marrying the chubby nurse. They're like, "Yo bro, you could do better."


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## herbigmuscles (Nov 20, 2013)

never


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

PatheticGuy said:


> It's quite obvious what I meant but if you want to be naive, I mean the ridiculous bias in women's favor in divorce. Women really have nothing to lose in marriage other than maybe some chances at guys that won't look at her because she's married.


It's not "quite obvious" considering you could have meant how a woman would be perceived after her divorce/social aspect. Also, there's a little thing called a prenuptial agreement, ya know.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

AllToAll said:


> Also, there's a little thing called a prenuptial agreement, ya know.


A lot of women won't sign. And some don't hold up in court (although I'm not sure of the mechanism why in those cases).


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## lunarc (Feb 25, 2014)

It really depends on the person. If I find her attractive and we at least connect as just friends. I wouldn't mind settling down around 30+. I really want kids and I guess that is better than being forever alone.


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

srschirm said:


> A lot of women won't sign. And some don't hold up in court (although I'm not sure of the mechanism why in those cases).


They won't hold up when they're done in some unethical way: like handing someone a prenup on the morning of the wedding and saying sign it or it's off; or if the terms are extremely one sided and only benefit the more 'powerful' partner.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Gwynevere said:


> They won't hold up when they're done in some unethical way: like handing someone a prenup on the morning of the wedding and saying sign it or it's off; or if the terms are extremely one sided and only benefit the more 'powerful' partner.


There's been a lot of cases where pretty standard pre-nups have been thrown out - just got to find yourself the right (most expensive usually) lawyer!


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

Paper Samurai said:


> There's been a lot of cases where pretty standard pre-nups have been thrown out - just got to find yourself the right (most expensive usually) lawyer!


Courts aren't allowed to throw it out just because they feel like it(at least in the US, I see you're not from here), something has to be wrong with it and usually it's because of something wrong with signing. Like it was a surprise prenup, or the woman wasn't allowed to have her own lawyer look at it before signing it.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

What you might call 'settling', I call 'accommodating'. It sounds less dramatic when I meet someone who I'm otherwise attracted to. I'm no mister perfect myself. 

Even if she is perfect, I would still be weary about marrying them. Maybe after knowing them for at least a couple years.. Maybe..


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

moroff said:


> What you might call 'settling', I call 'accommodating'. It sounds less dramatic when I meet someone who I'm otherwise attracted to. I'm no mister perfect myself.
> 
> Even if she is perfect, I would still be weary about marrying them. Maybe after knowing them for at least a couple years.. Maybe..


I don't think that's what op was talking about, I think he meant dating someone you actually aren't attracted to at all just so you don't end up alone/lonely.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Gwynevere said:


> Courts aren't allowed to throw it out just because they feel like it(at least in the US, I see you're not from here), something has to be wrong with it and usually it's because of something wrong with signing. Like it was a surprise prenup, or the woman wasn't allowed to have her own lawyer look at it before signing it.


Exactly, there are a sea of technicalities to take advantage of. Get a good enough lawyer and watch even the most well thought out pre-nup get thrown out.


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## sociallyclueless (Apr 1, 2014)

AmandaMarie87 said:


> I don't know. 35 maybe? I certainly haven't given up hope yet.


That's my settling age as well. Cheers.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I'd never settle. I'm pretty shallow so. I don't think I could be with someone I don't find attractive.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

PatheticGuy said:


> Do you live in the western world? If so, how does a woman get stuck with someone she doesn't like except by her own choice. If you'd rather be alone than with someone you don't like, you can't really be stuck in a marriage, seeing as women have nothing to lose in it.


I can honestly say you have the most unhealthy attitude towards women I've ever seen.

You honest to god do not think that women are _people_. We are people, just like you. People who have things that they look for in a partner and if those things don't exist or the person doesnt share your feelings you end up alone. I do not understand what is so inconceivable about that.

Women are not magical creatures who can wave a wand and cast a spell on any poor shmuck who comes along. We have just as many struggles and challenges in finding a long term relationship. One night stands? Sure we can probably manage that but true love? Sorry..doesn't work that way.

What do women have to lose in a marriage? typing out a response would just make me really angry and you're not going to listen anyway so I'll just stop here.


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## sociallyclueless (Apr 1, 2014)

AngelClare said:


> Please define "settle"
> 
> No one finds the perfect mate so doesn't everyone settle?


I would think so yes. As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that the fairy tales that we were fed when we were younger, like finding "soul mates" or the "dream partner" are just that, fairy tales. The point when you realize you are incredibly lonely and don't want to go through life alone, is the point of settling.


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## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

brooke_brigham said:


> I can honestly say you have the most unhealthy attitude towards women I've ever seen.
> 
> You honest to god do not think that women are _people_. We are people, just like you. People who have things that they look for in a partner and if those things don't exist or the person doesnt share your feelings you end up alone. I do not understand what is so inconceivable about that.
> 
> ...


Explain how it's unhealthy. You don't like it because it hurts your feelings, too bad, not my problem.


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## Tudom (May 28, 2013)

sociallyclueless said:


> I would think so yes. As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that the fairy tales that we were fed when we were younger, like finding "soul mates" or the "dream partner" are just that, fairy tales. The point when you realize you are incredibly lonely and don't want to go through life alone, is the point of settling.


I agree, though think we shouldn't be so glum about it (if you are).

I am in my mid twenties and in the last few months have actually found myself thinking 'I'm getting old' - you see famous actors that are younger than you, people younger than you with better jobs or more advanced in relationships, find yourself bored of the daily work-home routine and the lack of free time with people and it's so easy to think **** I've missed the boat or 'i've missed the high target i always thought i'd hit'. Relationship wise that high target was 'finding the one, true love of your life', which like you said, is a fairy tale. There are many potential one true loves of our lives, no reason you'd be happier with one than the other.

I just think what we must keep in mind is that people 10 years older say 'wish i was your age again', 60 year olds wish they were in their forties and people like me in their mid twenties wish they could be in their late teens again and try things differently. Isn't that pointless? There are some older people who say they are the happiest they have ever been and there's something in that. At 20 we think life will be over at 30 but that's crap really. It all comes down to contentedness, as long as you're confident and content alone you're fine, if you feel the opposite, you need someone in your life and settling will probably give you that peace of mind - but rushing into it because you're 'getting old' is silly.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I'm trying to work on this right now. My 'standards' are much too high. I am only attracted to girls way outside my 'league'.
I've been hoping that, as time goes on, my 'standards' would lower to a more reasonable level. That has not been the case.
Any advice from anyone would be welcome.


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## Tudom (May 28, 2013)

Endeavour to join their 'league'?


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## kursedlife (May 5, 2010)

I settled when I was 26. Then my wife woke up one morning and decided that she didn't feel like being married to me anymore, and left me for a co-worker.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

sociallyclueless said:


> Will you ever settle? If you suddenly wake up and realize you're 40 and unmarried, will you settle on someone who's willing?


Why worry about being married? Why not concentrate on finding someone and build the relationship rather than thinking about getting the certificate.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

brooke_brigham said:


> What do women have to lose in a marriage?


Usually she has more to gain.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

TenYears said:


> Hmmm...I guess 40 is the new 90. Wow this thread is doing wonders for my self esteem.
> 
> I would never settle. I just couldn't. I can't imagine being with someone I wasn't attracted to, not just physically, but in every other way too. I don't know how anyone could do that, it's almost like using someone to be with you, just so that you're not alone? I can see that kind of relationship ending really quickly with both of you hating each others guts.


I wouldn't worry about being unmarried at 40. It's becoming more common to be unmarried and or divorced by 40.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

jimity said:


> I wouldn't worry about being unmarried at 40. It's becoming more common to be unmarried and or divorced by 40.


Yeah, I'm not real worried about not being married lol. I've been married twice and divorced twice, so I'm through with that. I guess I'm still looking to find "the one" though. If there is a "the one" for me.


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## sociallyclueless (Apr 1, 2014)

kursedlife said:


> I settled when I was 26. Then my wife woke up one morning and decided that she didn't feel like being married to me anymore, and left me for a co-worker.


That sucks man. Sorry. Way better women out there. Not meant to be.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Ew I would never settle. That would suck more than being alone. I'd just find myself a few other older women to live with and live the rest of my days in my own version of The Golden Girls. We'd get into shenanigans, have saggy and wrinkled sex with silver foxes, and make snide wise-cracks. I would ideally be the Blanche, but I know I would end up the Rose or Dorothy. But the Dorothy is better than the Rose, though the Rose is wonderful in her own right. I'd move to Miami of course, and have a lanai and would decorate my house in fabrics pattered with palm trees and would tell ghost and sex stories and maybe ghost sex stories or sex ghost stories at 3 am over coffee and cheesecake and I would amass a marvelous collection of full-length nightgowns with matching robes. I would also start owning a lot more blazers, with shoulder-pads.

I would have a couple cats though, they never had any cats on the show.


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## sociallyclueless (Apr 1, 2014)

Barette said:


> Ew I would never settle. That would suck more than being alone. I'd just find myself a few other older women to live with and live the rest of my days in my own version of The Golden Girls. We'd get into shenanigans, have saggy and wrinkled sex with silver foxes, and make snide wise-cracks. I would ideally be the Blanche, but I know I would end up the Rose or Dorothy. But the Dorothy is better than the Rose, though the Rose is wonderful in her own right. I'd move to Miami of course, and have a lanai and would decorate my house in fabrics pattered with palm trees and would tell ghost and sex stories and maybe ghost sex stories or sex ghost stories at 3 am over coffee and cheesecake and I would amass a marvelous collection of full-length nightgowns with matching robes. I would also start owning a lot more blazers, with shoulder-pads.
> 
> I would have a couple cats though, they never had any cats on the show.


haha thanks for the laugh.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

I think probably by age 28 or 29, so just a couple of years left. ;_;

I'm either going to be alone forever, never having experienced the physical and emotional love of a woman before I die, or being in an arranged, unfulfilling and loveless marriage.

The only question is, which option sucks less?


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Barette said:


> Ew I would never settle. That would suck more than being alone. I'd just find myself a few other older women to live with and live the rest of my days in my own version of The Golden Girls. We'd get into shenanigans, have saggy and wrinkled sex with silver foxes, and make snide wise-cracks. I would ideally be the Blanche, but I know I would end up the Rose or Dorothy. But the Dorothy is better than the Rose, though the Rose is wonderful in her own right. I'd move to Miami of course, and have a lanai and would decorate my house in fabrics pattered with palm trees and would tell ghost and sex stories and maybe ghost sex stories or sex ghost stories at 3 am over coffee and cheesecake and I would amass a marvelous collection of full-length nightgowns with matching robes. I would also start owning a lot more blazers, with shoulder-pads.
> 
> I would have a couple cats though, they never had any cats on the show.


How does a 20-year-old come to know about The Golden Girls?


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> How does a 20-year-old come to know about The Golden Girls?


It's been my favorite show since I was 7.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

14 lol

seriously


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## Lorn (Apr 7, 2014)

I'm not going to settle. I believe that monogamy involves duty because you're asking your partner to give up all the other men and women in the world for them, and that as a result you need to be mindful of their needs and happiness as their only source of romantic and sexual love. It's like pets for children, only adults. If you can't take care of it and just want to take it out of its cage once in awhile to play with it, don't get one. 

If I can't find someone who shares my values and lifestyle, then I don't want to be in an unhappy relationship just so that I can say I'm not alone. I'm afraid someone who wouldn't be a good, loving spouse to me would also neglect my kids (if we had any) or scream at them over little things.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

What is the "one"? I'd imagine probably someone you are instantly infatuated with who doesn't appreciate you in the same way or may leave you after a finite period for someone better. I have never really dated anyone like that and there have been numerous women that fell into that category. It is a romanticized idea that everyone can meet their ideal partner where sparks fly from the first moment and you live happily ever after. While I envy anyone who achieves that dream, i'm afraid for most people it isn't the case. They are happy to be with someone for whom there is some degree of attraction, personality compatibility, who they can do things with and raise a family with.


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

I lowered my standards once for someone and I ended up wishing we never crossed paths, so I'm never doing that again. I will never settle for someone when there's someone else better for me, and if I find myself single in my 30s, 40s, and so on, I won't marry the first guy I see because I deserve the best and I don't need marriage and children to feel fulfilled.


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## sweetpotato (Apr 5, 2012)

I would never settle. I'd rather live alone and make my own happiness than fake it.


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## CowGoMoo (Apr 14, 2013)

There is no "the one".... Sorry


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

I'll never meet anyone......I was meant to be alone since day one


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

about 65 should be good


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

My parents settled and their kids had to live a life of misery because of it. They answered a personals ad in the newspaper and got married after dating for 3 weeks. I can't tell if they ever really loved each other because they never talk to each other even though they live in the same house.

But refusing to settle isn't the same thing as holding out waiting for the perfect person who you're 100% attracted to and can get along with all the time, 24/7. That's having ridiculously high standards setting yourself up for failure. I'm sure some people win the dating lottery and find their perfect match but most people should be happy with someone they're reasonably attracted to and have fun around most of the time. Let friends fulfill whatever minor social needs your SO can't fulfill, and let porn fulfill whatever minor sexual needs your SO can't fulfill.


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

dfgfdgfdgf


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

When you find the person you want to be with, that's when you should "settle". Just because a lot of people are getting married, settling down, and having kids at a certain age range doesn't mean you should have to. The pressure will be there if you let it affect you. Learn to be happy being on your own. Yes there will be times where you wish you had someone for companionship and obviously it's nice to have someone to share your life with... but you shouldn't just be with a person because you're afraid of being alone. It's more draining than it is healthy.

Even then just because you get into a relationship, it doesn't mean you'll be happy all the time either. There's ups and downs to everything. You'll have moments or fights where you wish you could be alone too... maybe down the road you'll find out you're not as compatible. Who knows?

For me personally, I'd rather just live my life the way I want to rather than settling just because most other people are doing it.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I don't expect anyone to be perfect in every possible sense. The only thing I can know is if I want to have someone around or not.


Very true


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

sweetpotato said:


> I would never settle. I'd rather live alone and make my own happiness than fake it.


This.


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

Never. I ain't compromising my standards just because my track record sucks.

I want kids and all, but I won't bring myself down to the level of a horrible relationship and/or a messy divorce just for that chance. If I can't ever find some one I respect and value and can live with for life, then the hell with it all. I can do single. I pride my freedom over meaningless companionship.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

sweetpotato said:


> I would never settle. I'd rather live alone and make my own happiness than fake it.


Come on you can't possibly mean that........in the end you are going to want to be with someone whether you like it or not


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> Come on you can't possibly mean that........in the end you are going to want to be with someone whether you like it or not


Why would you wanna be with someone if you didn't like them, though? I mean, I get the need for companionship, but if that involves tribal domestic warfare four days out of every week, no thanks.

Gotta opine...if it's a choice between nothing or bad, I'll take nothing. Lesser evil and all that.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Who's to say anyone would want you anyway and you'd have the choice to "settle"?


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

28


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

ASB20 said:


> Why would you wanna be with someone if you didn't like them, though? I mean, I get the need for companionship, but if that involves tribal domestic warfare four days out of every week, no thanks.
> 
> Gotta opine...if it's a choice between nothing or bad, I'll take nothing. Lesser evil and all that.


I'm not saying that I'm saying someone you like


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> I'm not saying that I'm saying someone you like


Yeah, but is that really settling? I mean, if you're compatible with 'em and you can envision a life together, then you're all set to go. I figure that's optimal conditions.

I feel like settling's more like "Yup. It's breathing. Or maybe not, but I've seen _The Walking Dead_, so it'll still do. Let's marry it." I mean, situations that could easily go off a cliff, like marrying someone who you don't know all that well, or haven't dated beyond a few months (in many cases), or know there are problems with but overlook just to grasp at something.

Going single vs. that is what I think single v. settling is all about. If you have someone you like and they're reciprocating, then all systems go.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

See I am going to try and put myself out there more and see what happens........I play soccer and I'm trying out for varsity next year so if I make it it will hopefully open up many opportunities for me


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> See I am going to try and put myself out there more and see what happens........I play soccer and I'm trying out for varsity next year so if I make it it will hopefully open up many opportunities for me


Hey, I'd certainly say so. Simply opening up the visibility from playing on the varsity squad on a popular sport like soccer sounds like it could help in a big way. You've certainly got a conversation starter, for one thing.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Uh, Never?

I mean not that its a simple case of just "settling" with someone once you reach a certain age anyway but..

Some peoples opinions on relationships boggle my mind. Like they are the most important thing in the world and they will fix everything :|

If I'm forever alone from now on I'm forever alone, my previous limited experience has all gone ****ing sour anyway so its hardly sold the idea to me


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

By saying settle I just mean deciding to live the rest of your life with someone who is a attractive to you.....I'm not saying to settle for someone that is not to your liking


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

sociallyclueless said:


> Honestly speaking, I feel as with each year that I grow older, my standards in the opposite sex decline steadily and I'm more willing to date outside the bubble.
> 
> Will you ever settle? If you suddenly wake up and realize you're 40 and unmarried, will you settle on someone who's willing?


I haven't settled so far, I don't think I ever will which makes me more depressed. In my life I have met and known almost 10 women who I would have happily married if only they felt even remotely like staying with me for very long. I keep in touch with 2 of them to this day and sometimes it's painful knowing there was a time that if I just had the right temperament or words or confidence that they could have been able to save my life just by being in it.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

By the way I don't think the issue is with me begin able to settle, my standards about anything other than minimal attraction and comfort in presence have very much been obliterated over the years. The issue is with someone willing to settle for me. That has always been the problem, the main problem.


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## WhoAmISupposedToBe (Jun 21, 2013)

Late 20's- early 30's


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## mb47 (Sep 30, 2013)

The thing is, most people won't even admit to themselves that they are settling until years later. There's a strong probability that some of the responses in this thread will be proven incorrect, and that some of us will end up settling.

It's like asking someone, would you ever eat human flesh? No one really knows until they're in an extreme situation where it could happen.


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

I don't crave the physical aspects as much as the emotional aspects of a relationship, I don't think I'll ever settle for someone with whom it doesn't feel quite right just because "it's better than nothing" because to me a relationship where I don't quite feel that connection would be the same as no relationship. I might "settle" for someone in that I could've gotten someone "better" in terms of looks or whatever, but if it feels right it feels right, if it doesn't it doesn't I don't see how I could ever settle with such an approach.


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## Grendam (May 1, 2014)

I would never ever settle. I've seen my parents' marriage, siblings', and friends' marriages that are either constant bickering, headed for divorce, or already divorced — but I've seen happier ones as well. 

My friend and I were at Chili's the other night and this slovenly creature was having a temper tantrum for the ages over some chile con queso, and we both agreed that instant death would be preferable to being married to her. Sounds harsh, but she was on the lower end of the scale in behavior/appearance in a "People of Walmart" kind of way. Being single/alone is way preferable to being married to a whole lot of people.

Now if I were a female, and I wanted children, that question might be a bit more difficult to answer. Though there's ways around that nowadays.


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## serendipity (Feb 23, 2009)

*go muslim*



midnightson said:


> I'm willing to settle now. Settle in the sense that I've long grown out of looking for a soulmate or whatever you want to call it. I still have to be attracted to the girl physically and emotionally.
> 
> Unfortunately I'm so bad with women that I don't see even that ever happening.


What do you think would be the difference between having physical and emotional attraction towards the girl and being soulmates? Are they not one and the same? Soulmates in the sense that there no fighting and constant happiness is non-existent, which I really wish my teenage self knew back in the day.

I'm in my mid-20s now, far more realistic, and hell yeah I would settle. I would settle this year if I met someone decent enough with whom to settle. I never understood why women obsessed with this **** until now, hitting the age when everything begins to go downhill.

I've taken an enormous interest in the Islamic view of marriage as of late. The rules the women need to follow are very strict and they barely have any freedom, but what the men give them in return is so much more than any average westernized "non-believers of marriage" men can offer me in return. Yes you pay a bigger price as a Muslim women, but your returns are infinitely higher.

Canadian culture with equal rights might just be ****!!!

If you're gonna settle as a woman, find a Muslim man. They have so much understanding that non-Muslims and especially atheists just do not. Your future happiness hinges on this.


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## Jade18 (Mar 6, 2011)

never 
rather forever alone then to settle down with someone just for the sake of settleing down


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

All relationships are doomed to fail in the end, so why bother putting yourself through that crap in the first place.


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

I would settle by 30. With someone who is a good friend, a decent human being, but that maybe i'm not all that attracted to. I've accepted that falling head over heels in love is such a rare thing, at least for me.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

I don't believe in "the one" nor do I plan to "settle" for anyone who is willing. I will let love happen if it will, but I won't sit around my entire life twiddling my thumbs for it. If I end up loveless, I end up loveless. Simple as that. I will find other ways to fill the void.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

God, I'm so avoidant. I can feel my mind trying to rationalize pushing it back to my 30's so I can continue not trying. Come on goddamnit, wake up! lol, I'm hopeless.


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## Meekins (May 3, 2014)

I'd feel lonely and unfulfilled even if I were to stay with someone I wasn't that into. It would be pointless.


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## Steven P (May 1, 2014)

I don't know, I'm 35 now and recently started wondering the same question.


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## serenity93 (May 16, 2014)

DerSteppenwolf said:


> I just can't imagine ever wanting to marry someone as I'm not one of those people that would rather be with someone -anyone- instead of being alone and I honestly cannot imagine what kind of woman would be required to create a healthy marriage with someone like me, much less where I could find such an odd person.
> 
> So I prefer to focus on trying to make meaningful, long lasting friendships. The options aren't limited to just marriage and romantic love or being completely alone, or at least I don't think they should be.


My thoughts exactly. I would love to fall in love with someone and get married, but it's become apparent that I likely never will unless I settle far below what I want. Still, being single does have its perks, even if their appeal wanes over the years.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Probably never. I'm not desperate or the lonely type.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

incinerator


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I wouldn't want to settle but realistically I do think I might consider it around 467.


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## mb47 (Sep 30, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I wouldn't want to settle but realistically I do think I might consider it around 467.


Your post made me wonder.....if humans were immortal, would we be more or less willing to settle? Would our relationships be more complex and rewarding as we got to know more people over the long course of our lives? Would people still have an age (ex. 467) where they would settle? Forever is a very long time to not have someone you love beside you. Then again, forever is a very long time to be trapped in an unbalanced relationship. What role does time play?


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## GirlAfraid23 (Jan 2, 2014)

Never settle. It's a disaster waiting to happen, one or either party will get bored and decide there are better fish in the sea eventually.
It will also make you incredibly unhappy.


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## Tomyx (Jun 27, 2013)

If I'm still single when I'm 40, and there's really no chance of having a family, I don't consider life worth living.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

I read somewhere that 90% of your future happiness is dependant on who you chose for a spouse. It's better to live alone than with someone you dislike.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

beothuck1 said:


> I read somewhere that 90% of your future happiness is dependant on who you chose for a spouse. It's better to live alone than with someone you dislike.


Yes, why would I choose to live with someone who makes me miserable? That's like the worst kind of choice.

I'd rather live single and die a bachelor than have to give up all my freedom for a person who is unpleasant to be around.


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## ThatGuy11200 (Sep 3, 2012)

GirlAfraid23 said:


> Never settle. It's a disaster waiting to happen, one or either party will get bored and decide there are better fish in the sea eventually.
> *It will also make you incredibly unhappy.*


Being lonely already makes me unhappy (to put it mildly).


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

There is no "the one" it's just random take it as you go and making the best of the cards you've been dealt. Loving when it's tough and so forth. Unfortunately many people are selfish/emotionally lazy so *shrug*


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## EternalTime (Oct 10, 2013)

I've already met what I consider to be the one for me. 
but I wouldn't recommend anyone settle though, sometimes being alone is better than being with a horrible partner in some people's cases.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

I get bored easily after a while......so I don't think I have a "one"


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## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

I have already settled on the fact that I'll be by myself. On the bright side, I don't have to put in any effort in searching or deciding whether I should settle with someone or not.


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## Ywasi (May 22, 2014)

Early 30s. I'd get an arranged marriage.


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