# Approach 30 women by June 1



## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I will approach 30 women by June 1. I came up with this goal a few days ago and blew a few good opportunities, but I am happy to report approach #1 happened today.

4/28 - Approached older women (40+) in dress and nice heels (I like heels) at Barnes & Noble and said, "I like your heels." She looked up and said, "they don't like me," as I was wandering off. I asked why and she said how they hurt after a while. I said, "I can only imagine," and walked off.

So how did I do?

The first 10 or maybe more approaches I am just going to compliment with no expectations. After that, I am going to try to work towards getting more bold and getting phone numbers and dates.


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## TorLin (Nov 14, 2006)

lol. wow. u got daaaaave


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

You did good, and that took guts. However I never enjoyed this approach. I tried it after all that stuff with dating schools and internet pick up artist malarkey. But its too lacking in any kind of real emotion or honesty. "Apply compliment 1. Apply correct amount of touching. Apply witty comment. Apply push pull technique. Apply teasing. Number close .... " ouchie. No wonder it never worked. Thats way too much for an SA'er to handle. Its pure exposure - and as Im always saying - without the cognitive part, exposure is just delibereately scaring yourself with only slim chanes of genuine 'exctinction' of fear.

Thats why I developed my own way of getting over women problems. Heres what I did:

1) Figure the hell out why I have a problem with being so terrifed of rejection. Used all resources I had - schema books, artvles on sexual psychology, freud. Got an answer. Cool. No, not sharing it. Get you own  also extensive cognitive work on consequences.

2) Set behavioural experiments. Started just talking to any and all women that I met. Waitresses. Serving girls. Checkout girls. Those occasional 'moments' where you talk to people. Just the odd sentence to start with. No flirting, no 'trying'. Just quite simply thinking "I wonder whats going through her mind today". Tried to empathise.

3) Tried to talk more in a friendly way to women I knew slightly better. Treated them as equals. Asked about them, their interests, what made them happy. Started to realise that simple conversation with the opposute sex is actually ok. Steps 1-3 were over about 2 months, maybe more. About your time frame.

4) Simultaneously worked on looking after myself, getting my old interests back, forming a sense of my own capability. Started 'trying less hard' around all people. Took people off of pedestal.

5) As a sense of calm came over me, so I found that I got on better with all people. I could just talk and 'be'. COnvdersations with everyone - not just women - became easier. All of a sudden, flirtation was coming naturally. No need to read a technique off a website or buy a book, or take advice off some guy in a silly hat or some bald dude with a name that rhymes with 'pile'.

6) Going otu one night, I just got talking to girls. Hey presto. No special method. There I am, doing what I had been obsessing over, without actually having to wreck myself with 'cold approaches' and 'bookstore pickup' (just some of the terms I remember). It was now natural. 

Women are not the thing that will save you from depression and misery. They are what come along AFTER you have begun to sort out those things - and find out who you are underneath it all.

No girl wants to be your cure.

Thats was a genrral post, not necessarily directed right at you, da(x 70) ve 

Ross


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

Ross,

I agree with what you are saying and basically that is what my plan is. My first approach was a woman way older than me and I gave a genuine compliment with no further intentions. It was nothing fake like those pickup guys teach. I am trying to talk to more people as well and I am getting my old interests back. The main purpose of this is to get over my "approval addiction" so I just strike up a conversation and do not worry about her reaction.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Cool!

If you want to get over an approval addiction, you need to first know where it comes from a little, and then realise that you need to generate your own internal sense of love. That is what I am learning with the self-care, addomplishment (in music and non-romance related arenas).

try to build as much of your life NOT around romance - and the romance will work itself out. You might like to try self-compassionate meditation - it allows to generate your own internal sense of love. Its very very goooood 

Trust me


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

You did great. I also like to compliment people on the colors they wear.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

You're doing great. I'm interested in hearing your results. If I want to make further progress I need to start doing something similar


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

5/3 - I was at a coffee shop and there was this really cute girl there and she seemed nice cause we even had a little thing about who was in line first and I told her she was there first. Anyways I was too nervous to approach in the coffee shop with some people around, but luckily she went outside when she got her drink and sat at one of the tables. So then I got my drink and went out and went up to her and just said, "hey, I just wanted to tell you I think you look really cute" and she smiled and thanked me. Then I was walking away and I just turned back and said "that's a lot of caffeine" cause she had both a coffee drink and an energy drink (which is kinda insane if she is drinking all that) and she said, "I needed it." I was happy with the exchange overall and I think soon I will start to try to actually get to know the women I approach especially when they are just sitting alone like that.


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## Opie (Dec 28, 2006)

"Hired guns" is a good step to start. Hired guns are like waitresses, clerks, sales people, and even strippers, LoL! They are paid to talk to you, to get you to buy. You can also practice by chatting online with girls, and then try to approach outside. Just take baby steps, if you get rejected, so what. There are millions of girls out there.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Mystery method gets everywhere


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

so do you have to compliment them?? or by approach do you mean say anything at all to them?? like, would asking for the time count?


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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

Go daaaaave!
I wish you all my luck!


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

~AJ~ said:


> so do you have to compliment them?? or by approach do you mean say anything at all to them?? like, would asking for the time count?


I will not do anything ingenuine. If I ask for the time, I would only do it if I really needed to know the time and didn't have it which is unlikely.


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## llj (Apr 15, 2008)

This is interesting. What number are you up to now? I confess I would go insane if I had to start counting my own.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

LOL I am at 2...I don't see hot women at all anymore, it sucks cause of where I work. I am going to have to put a lot into this on the weekends when I have time.


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## llj (Apr 15, 2008)

Geez man, maybe you should extend the date! You only gave yourself a month to work with... I admire the ambition though!

Even normal men (not "playas") probably only approach about 10 women (that they don't know) in a month.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

good luck Ive tried about 200 or more and got one official date.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

well, it is June, how did you do?


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