# Are men too picky?



## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

I think i'm not too picky. but if all men are too picky then i will never have a relationship :'( my facial features are good but i don't like my body (scoliosis, etc)


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

No, each male is different. The only general consensus for most is people's weight ; facial features and other features are subjective I believe. Even then, the consensus on weight can have a few outliers.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Only when it comes to relationships. Men seem to be o.k with ****ing anything with a hole. I had 1 relationship for a couple months, and 11 ..quickies.. You have to be hot to be worthy of a relationship, it's a universal goal to have a hot arm candy,


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

meepie said:


> No, each male is different. The only general consensus for most is people weight ; facial features and other features are subjective I believe. Even then, the consensus on weight can have a few outliers.


that's one of my problems lol. i have ovarian cysts. they make me gain more weight. but i'm happy that i have the patience/determination to lose weight!


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Choa said:


> that's one of my problems lol. i have ovarian cysts. they make me gain more weight. but i'm happy that i have the patience/determination to lose weight!


When I say weight, I mean most people would not date a 600 lb person or a 60 lb person. I'm talking about the extremes. If you're a little more than average no worries. And yes, the good thing about weight is you can lose it


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

meepie said:


> When I say weight, I mean most people would not date a 600 lb person or a 60 lb person. I'm talking about the extremes. If you're a little more than average no worries. And yes, the good thing about weight is you can lose it


actually my body is almost fine  i'm not too overweight and i like my curves. but it's be better for me to lose some more weight


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## JakeBoston1000 (Apr 8, 2008)

women tend to be more picky then men(in general).


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## Jcoj613 (May 1, 2011)

Men are less picky than women when it comes to sex.


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

I don't care much, aside from extremes in weight. Though can't speak for other guys, some probably do care a lot about appearance.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

a lot of men are definitely not picky at all


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Maybe you're too picky about _yourself_.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Some people are picky.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Depends. If it's sex, then no. If it's a relationship, then they are no more picky than a person should be.


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

what do you mean by sex???????????????????? can people have sex without getting into a relationship?


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Oh, yes.


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> Maybe you're too picky about _yourself_.


makes sense


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

Barette said:


> Oh, yes.


omg. is it common?


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Choa said:


> omg. is it common?


I suggest watching any MTV reality show to see. In all reality, in Western cultures, it's very very common. Always has been, but now it's okay to not be hush hush about it.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yes, people can hook up without feelings.


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## NightWingLikeABoss (Sep 11, 2011)

Some are, some aren't.
Same with women, I suppose. Some are insanely picky, some aren't.

Just be happy with yourself and look for someone else who would also be happy with you.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

*What men want*:

Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.

*What women want*:

Someone they are physically attracted to and they grow to like more after being won over by his amazing confidence and personality.

Someone who her friends think is acceptable or are jealous of her having.

After University age he must have money or a good job/career so she will live a better life and so will her children if she wants any.

Be a great experienced lover, not still be a virgin. [no other women wanted him, why should I?]

Not be creepy and put her on edge by being too quiet and come across socially incompetent.

Not be anxious or seem shy and show other feminine traits that are a turn-off.

Be popular and well respected among other males, not a wimp that can't defend her.

......

Yes men are much more picky who they want for sex or to desire to start a relationship with!


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


lol tbh this seems pretty accurate


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


This would be accurate if it was accurate.

Truth is, both are more or less the same, but each individual is different.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Yeah, sometimes it seems men want a 10/10 model, when they don't look good themselves. But same goes for women. Some women want a rich philanthropist doctor, when theyre lazy and selfish. Lots of people have unfair standards.. you just have to look for the decent people out there.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Ever heard of parental investment OP?


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


Pretty much agree with this.


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

gunner21 said:


> Ever heard of parental investment OP?


yes i've heard of it before. i think i also understand why you brought it up in this thread


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


I just have to say that this make me chuckle some. Obviously most women aren't like this but it wouldn't surprise me if a few are. What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that relationships are a compromise. No one is perfect. And neither will your partner be. So you have to meet on middle ground.


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## Khantko (Apr 27, 2012)

Choa said:


> I think i'm not too picky. but if all men are too picky then i will never have a relationship :'( my facial features are good but i don't like my body (scoliosis, etc)


no honey, we are not picky. Whatever physical features you may have there are plenty of men who are attracted to it. You name it, there is a group of men after it. Men in general are pickier visually but are easily persuaded into sex.

I'm curious as to what type of men you are attracted to


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Yes I am very picky.

Deal with it.


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## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

I'm only picky about weight, like I find it really hard to find an overweight woman attractive. Just my personal preference though.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


Pretty much.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't really agree with that saying which everyone else is agreeing to but mmkay. I think shy guys/"nerdy" guys are cute. I would just like a cool personality that we can get along with. Loud people would annoy me if that is what "popular" means.

I mean people of both genders can have high standards.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


Lmfao


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## LowCountryTransplant (Sep 16, 2013)

Cute face and a lil thickness, you say...

...how *you* doin'? /italian

Everyone is different, OP. Don't get yourself down by generalizing. I see people of all makes and models in relationships. If *you* like your face and your body then I guarantee you other people will! Patience and timing is key, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there if you see some hunk you wanna get your hands on.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.
> 
> ...


This is a whole load of bull. Men have waaaay more requirements than that.

I don't give a crap about the guy's confidence. I don't have any friends and even if I did I don't really care what they'd think of my bf. If they think he is an idiot that is fine, then we can discuss that when he is not around. Having sexual or relationship experience does not matter to me. Anxious or shy is fine as long as he is talkative with me. The last bit, popularity, I care the least about. I've dated guys who had lots of friends and it really sucked ***.

I only agree with the bolded points:
Having some money and a decent job is important since being broke is no fun. Some of the stuff I want to do, like traveling, costs money. And I don't want to live in a crappy tiny apartment forever. Being creepy or too quiet with me would be bad. I get nervous by long silences. But he does not need to be social with other people, just with me.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Barette said:


> *I suggest watching any MTV reality show* to see.


Nooooooooo! lol

Choa, those shows won't give an accurate depiction of anything, they're very silly.

In the west, sometimes some people choose to have casual sex without being in a serious relationship. As long as they are sensible, responsible and safe about it, it's ok.

Other people feel that sex is better when part of a loving relationship.

Different people have different opinions about it, and that's ok.

People should be free to live their lives according to their own values and beliefs as long as they are aren't hurting others.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I always thought men had the opposite problem. I often see guys who are so happy to have girlfriend that they put up with anything or the other extreme of f***ing anything with a vagina


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

komorikun said:


> This is a whole load of bull. Men have waaaay more requirements than that.
> 
> I don't give a crap about the guy's confidence. I don't have any friends and even if I did I don't really care what they'd think of my bf. If they think he is an idiot that is fine, then we can discuss that when he is not around. Having sexual or relationship experience does not matter to me. Anxious or shy is fine as long as he is talkative with me. The last bit, popularity, I care the least about. I've dated guys who had lots of friends and it really sucked ***.
> 
> ...


They really don't this is all 99.999% of men want from women. I think really most men just want a woman who looks good. My gay friend says that gay men often meet someone and start going out with them literally straight away, which implies straight men would probably do the same if they could purely based on a girl's looks. Granted we're fickle but at least the women are free to be how they want to be without being judged so long as they look good.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Lazercarp1 said:


> They really don't this is all 99.999% of men want from women. I think really most men just want a woman who looks good. My gay friend says that gay men often meet someone and start going out with them literally straight away, which implies straight men would probably do the same if they could purely based on a girl's looks. Granted we're fickle but at least the women are free to be how they want to be without being judged so long as they look good.


Not true at all. Go look at this thread:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/turn-offs-in-a-potential-partner-286049/


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Not true at all. Go look at this thread:
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/turn-offs-in-a-potential-partner-286049/


Men do have checklists (though generally shorter) of their own.

Honestly in terms of priorities, I think the two most important traits in a woman are looks and good-natured personality (I want a sweet wife and if we had kids, she better be a maternal type). In Evo Psych, these are the big 2 traits that men look for in a woman. Huge checklists are really not necessary. I don't need a wife to share my interests. I'm perfectly happy to involve myself in my interests and hobbies all by myself. I just want someone to kiss, cuddle and have sex with. But relationships are never that simple! lol. We have turned this **** into rocket science. In the wild, a female bends over and a male ****s her until he cums. How is that for shared interests? We invent all of this man-made crap that just convolutes the process IMO.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> Men do have checklists (though generally shorter) of their own.
> 
> Honestly in terms of priorities, I think the two most important traits in a woman are looks and good-natured personality (I want a sweet wife and if we had kids, she better be a maternal type). In Evo Psych, these are the big 2 traits that men look for in a woman. Huge checklists are really not necessary. I don't need a wife to share my interests. I'm perfectly happy to involve myself in my interests and hobbies all by myself. I just want someone to kiss, cuddle and have sex with. But relationships are never that simple! lol. *We have turned this **** into rocket science. In the wild, a female bends over and a male ****s her until he cums. How is that for shared interests? *We invent all of this man-made crap that just convolutes the process IMO.


Isn't that a pretty crude comparison to how things really are with humans. And I'm not sure it applies. The human brain has developed considerably past the animistic nature of other species. So it make sense to think other factors now apply in what makes a good and workable relationship.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

h00dz said:


> Isn't that a pretty crude comparison to how things really are with humans. And I'm not sure it applies. The human brain has developed considerably past the animistic nature of other species. So it make sense to think other factors now apply in what makes a good and workable relationship.


Well the modern model of mate selection is surely failing humanity. With the 50% or higher divorce rates in the western world.

We place a lot of importance on **** that doesn't really matter in the long run.

By nature we're not even meant for life-long monogamy.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> Men do have checklists (though generally shorter) of their own.
> 
> Honestly in terms of priorities, I think the two most important traits in a woman are looks and good-natured personality (I want a sweet wife and if we had kids, she better be a maternal type). In Evo Psych, these are the big 2 traits that men look for in a woman. Huge checklists are really not necessary. I don't need a wife to share my interests. I'm perfectly happy to involve myself in my interests and hobbies all by myself. I just want someone to kiss, cuddle and have sex with. But relationships are never that simple! lol. We have turned this **** into rocket science. In the wild, a female bends over and a male ****s her until he cums. How is that for shared interests? We invent all of this man-made crap that just convolutes the process IMO.


Um... okay... except were not apes? I guess we should throw every other part of society out the window as well, unless it includes swinging in trees and eating bananas. Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone should have a checklist and ridiculous expectations.. but come on. Im sure you need a little more than a vagina to f*** and a decent face to look at. Then again, what am I saying? It seems like that's all a lot of people need.

Ooooh.. Im gonna get in trouble for this one.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Jcoj613 said:


> Men are less picky than women when it comes to sex.


I do agree with this.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

no. They're less picky than women anyway.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

When your pickiness goes beyond the threshold of your own value, your options diminish greatly. However, your value can change drastically according to your location. For instance, a self-proclaimed homely, white, American woman who isn't highly valued in her hometown can suddenly become a hot commodity by going some place where her ethnicity is in high demand but low supply (i.e. Japan, South America).


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

From what I see... A great majority of them are not unless I'm talking about the desperate ones. Blegh.


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## secondheadstatus (Sep 19, 2013)

Sarcasm – why don't you ask a person whom understand “the big bang” and/or is a “mathematician” cus i'm pretty sure he/she has all the answers you seek..../sarcasm


in todays society, men are only thinking with their other head...sex sells. So as long as you can manipulate his mother natures instincts, you are winning. 

If you fall victim to his knowledge about how mother nature works regarding a male attracting a female, well, all you have to do is post on forums how confused you are and tell that to someone else too while he is calling the shots. 

Picky is ok to be...everyone is. Do you like cold coffee? Do you like warm coffee? Do you like cold coffee? Do you like coffee that is brewed in one particular filter? 

Everyone is picky regarding everything...but someone is going to give you the answer in here or just give you a pat on the back and tell you everything is going to be ok.


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## Auroras (Jul 24, 2013)

There's someone for everyone.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Women are worse imo.

An average woman can put on a bit of makeup to change her look's and make her think shes more attractive than she is. Average guys suited to her will likely be ignored and she will probably be after the hotter guys.

Whereas an average guy chasing model type quality girls will have no chance 99% of the time so will eventually have to stop being so picky and try with girls who are more realistic for him, otherwise it will probably mean a single life forever


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

What? Women are so incredibly picky that it's unreal. If your not %100 perfect in every way, then your yesterday's news.

I wish I could just find a sweet girl that likes me for who I am. But I know that I would probably have a better chance of winning the lottery and being struck by lightning at the same time.

My social anxiety and depression is a death sentence in the world of dating. There is no sense in even trying.


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## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

LOL!!!!!!!!!!


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Some are, some aren't. I wouldn't worry too much about it.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

ZeroPoint said:


> *What men want*:
> 
> Someone they're physically attracted to and maybe share similar interests with. Average or overweight, doesn't matter so much.


That's just not true. Men want a lot of things, even if they don't always list them down. Based on things people say on this forum, here's what they seem to want:

She must also be a loner. Can have one or two close friends, but if a girl is too outgoing and likes to socialize then she's obviously an airhead.

She must be accepting of the fact that they still live with parents, have absolutely no plans for the future, or play video games all day long. Otherwise, she's clearly just a gold digger.

Must have demonstrated self-respect by having few to no sexual encounters, although this is negotiable when it comes to girls they dream to bang once and never look back.

Must be unconditionally sweet, kind, helpful, patient, tolerant, and understanding - especially in regard to SA-related behavior. Does not get visibly angry.

Can't be a real person with real struggles. Her issues should be "cute," like not knowing how to cook or hating babies. Feeling that she may have been sexually harassed is not cute, but it's kind of OK as long as she doesn't get all angry and defensive about it.

If she does have a problem with something they said or did, will phrase it in a delicate manner so that no egos will be hurt. PC-ness in general is a bad thing, but can't have a lady be tellin' it like it is.

Note that I know this list doesn't apply to ALL men.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

rednosereindeer said:


> That's just not true. Men want a lot of things, even if they don't always list them down. Based on things people say on this forum, here's what they seem to want:
> 
> She must also be a loner. Can have one or two close friends, but if a girl is too outgoing and likes to socialize then she's obviously an airhead.
> 
> ...


Thank **** for that.


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## Gizamalukeix (Sep 16, 2012)

I'm not perfect and I don't expect girls to be either.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rednosereindeer said:


> That's just not true. Men want a lot of things, even if they don't always list them down. Based on things people say on this forum, here's what they seem to want:
> 
> She must also be a loner. Can have one or two close friends, but if a girl is too outgoing and likes to socialize then she's obviously an airhead.
> 
> ...


Classic. Very true.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Classic. Very true.


You don't actually believe this list do you, sounds like the poster was being a little bitter based off some rant(s) she has seen here.


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## Thatguy55 (May 23, 2013)

Picky-ness (?) applies to both genders, men are picky and women are picky. No competition on who's worse because both are as bad really.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

h00dz said:


> You don't actually believe this list do you, sounds like the poster was being a little bitter based off some rant(s) she has seen here.


She's basing it on what guys say on this forum, not guys in the general populace. You see these rants over and over again here.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

hmm... *hard to answer that question to be honest.*

*#1* - It is true that men mainly get turned on by a lady's looks.

Studies have shown that women, on the other hand, have much more of a fluid libido, and that their turn ons are more influenced by society norms. In other words, there are different criterias.

However, relationships are based on more than just sexual turn-ons. Compromises are an essential part in any relationship.

*#2* - The fact that guys act like pursuers in the initial part of a relationship, while women act like the judges who reject them or accept their advances reinforces the idea that women are more picky... but being passive isn't necessarily a sign of pickiness. While men actively seek relationships in the beginning, who's to say they are not just as likely to break up as the lady is later on in the relationship?

*#3* - We're obviously biased, to an extent, on this forum - because our SA is a barrier when it comes to anything chicks-related.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> She must be accepting of the fact that they still live with parents, have absolutely no plans for the future, or play video games all day long. Otherwise, she's clearly just a gold digger.


Unless a woman wants to have children (most women do want children but lots of womyn these days seem to not want any kids so this is still a relevant discussion) or a man expects a woman to support him financially, why should a man's ambitions even matter to her? It's an immediate redflag whenever I see a woman who doesn't want kids actually make a big deal about a man's ambitions. If she's not going to have kids, why does she care about a man's earning potential? So that he can spend the money on her? If a woman makes a good living and she expects her partner to keep up with her extravagant lifestyle (ie. go on nice vacations that he can't afford to join her on), I can respect that. But if a woman expects a man to support her extravagant lifestyle, that's a different story entirely.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> Unless a woman wants to have children (most women do want children but lots of womyn these days seem to not want any kids so this is still a relevant discussion) or a man expects a woman to support him financially, why should a man's ambitions even matter to her? It's an immediate redflag whenever I see a woman who doesn't want kids actually make a big deal about a man's ambitions. If she's not going to have kids, why does she care about a man's earning potential? So that he can spend the money on her? If a woman makes a good living and she expects her partner to keep up with her extravagant lifestyle (ie. go on nice vacations that he can't afford to join her on), I can respect that. But if a woman expects a man to support her extravagant lifestyle, that's a different story entirely.


Not that I'm supporting rednoses post but I think that the girls who care about a guys ambition are pretty much like the guys who want girlfriends with model looks...

Sure, if I don't plan on having kids with her it shouldn't matter that much what she looks like because with out the possibility of passing her looks on to offspring, her genes should be irrelevant to me ... In the same way that with out the possibility of having to take care of a family, a guys income should be irrelevant.... But neither of those things are the case because the mentioned qualities are often looked at as indicators of were one lies in the social ladder... And people often feel pressure to get a girl that's considered eye candy or a guy who a big earner just because it will impress their friends and thus will improve their position on the social hierarchy


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

illmatic1 said:


> Not that I'm supporting rednoses post but I think that the girls who care about a guys ambition are pretty much like the guys who want girlfriends with model looks...
> 
> Sure, if I don't plan on having kids with her it shouldn't matter that much what she looks like because with out the possibility of passing her looks on to offspring, her genes should be irrelevant to me ... In the same way that with out the possibility of having to take care of a family, a guys income should be irrelevant.... But neither of those things are the case because the mentioned qualities are often looked at as indicators of were one lies in the social ladder... And people often feel pressure to get a girl that's considered eye candy or a guy who a big earner just because it will impress their friends and thus will improve their position on the social hierarchy


I can get the social status argument on both fronts (for a guy who nabs the hot chick and for a girl who nabs the successful guy).

Looks still matter outside of reproduction and social status. I don't get much out of kissing and cuddling an unattractive girl. And I certainly don't get much out of them in the bedroom. Sex is very visual for a man. And touch is important too. It's not just about sticking it into a warm hole for me. If all I wanted was penile stimulation and looks didn't matter, my right hand will do. Nothing turns me on quite like performing cunnilingus on a cute girl. On an unattractive girl or a non-hygienic girl, I would puke at the thought.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> I can get the social status argument on both fronts (for a guy who nabs the hot chick and for a girl who nabs the successful guy).
> 
> Looks still matter outside of reproduction and social status. I don't get much out of kissing and cuddling an unattractive girl. And I certainly don't get much out of them in the bedroom. Sex is very visual for a man. And touch is important too. It's not just about sticking it into a warm hole for me. If all I wanted was penile stimulation and looks didn't matter, my right hand will do. Nothing turns me on quite like performing cunnilingus on a cute girl. On an unattractive girl or a non-hygienic girl, I would puke at the thought.


Ur substituting the typical males perspective for the typical human perspective


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