# I went on a second date!



## FloydRose (Aug 21, 2010)

So. I had such a wonderful time. I texted two hours later, thanking him for a wonderful moment. That's all, I think it's nice to show appreciation. 

He's really kind. And he opens all the doors. And he's polite. And I held on to his arm during the movies. And he just caressed my hand. And he's smart. 


So, can someone please take my cellphone away? 
Cause that man is going to get hurt. 

Damn it. I hate what douches did to my self-esteem. I better stop internalizing other people's crap. 
I'm beautiful and kind. I know I'm not taking the guy seriously, he's nothing but courteous. I get these words coming off of my mouth. Like, he said "You can lean on my arm if you want to" -WHICH I DID- and yet... I laughed at him! God, I felt terrible. 
When I'm nervous I screw everything. So I suppose it's easier to just act (even though I do not want to) all "I'm not into you" . I don't know.
I'm rambling. 
I wish he had kissed me. He's taking it slowly, but steadily whereas I am screwing things up cause I can only *pretend* I'm taking it slow. I honestly have to tell myself that I'm just elaborating, fantasizing. 

Can you give me your opinion, please?
Thanks.


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## Lachlan (Jul 3, 2008)

FloydRose said:


> When I'm nervous I screw everything.


I hope that was a typo? 
It sounds great, like you had a good time.


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## CAL2010 (Jul 24, 2010)

It sounds like you've been involved with other people who were less than ideal (I feel your pain on this one :yes), and you may need to constantly challenge the negative thoughts that he is like the rest of those people. It would also be good if you challenged all of those negative thoughts you have about yourself. I know it's hard to this, but when you realize you are having a negative thought you could just tell yourself to stop and start thinking of something more positive and realistic (like when you stated that you are beautiful and kind, which I bet is the truth ). You may look at it as a blessing that you've found a man who wants to take it slow and seems like he's interested in you. He seems like a respectful guy, and unfortunately it's rare to find a lot of these nowadays (esp. for those of us with SA). You haven't screwed anything up as I can see it. It seems like a lot of the negative things are just being said to yourself instead of being conveyed to him (he wouldn't have agreed to a second date if you had completely screwed things up). Be kind to yourself and take it slow. If he's the right person for you now, he will understand. If not, you will have a better idea of how to be able to be respected and treated kindly in a future relationship. Hopefully you will do the same with yourself. You have the right to be happy just like everyone else

Hope this helps!!


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## littlemisshy (Aug 10, 2010)

It sounds like he likes you if its a second date and he is being nice to you otherwise he prob would have bolted by now.
Don't try to worry, just try to be yourself thats all you can do. 
Sorry, I couldn't be much help as have been out of the dating scene for over 15 yrs. When I started dating my (now) husband I was a nervous anxious wreck but he saw the 'true me' and stuck around. SO, it does pay to just be yourself if its the right person.


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## FloydRose (Aug 21, 2010)

Lachlan said:


> I hope that was a typo?
> It sounds great, like you had a good time.


Took me a while to understand what you meant. ~Screw things up. 
Thanks.. English is not my native language.

Yes I did. Truly.


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## FloydRose (Aug 21, 2010)

CAL2010 said:


> It sounds like you've been involved with other people who were less than ideal (I feel your pain on this one :yes), and you may need to constantly challenge the negative thoughts that he is like the rest of those people. It would also be good if you challenged all of those negative thoughts you have about yourself. I know it's hard to this, but when you realize you are having a negative thought you could just tell yourself to stop and start thinking of something more positive and realistic (like when you stated that you are beautiful and kind, which I bet is the truth ). You may look at it as a blessing that you've found a man who wants to take it slow and seems like he's interested in you. He seems like a respectful guy, and unfortunately it's rare to find a lot of these nowadays (esp. for those of us with SA). You haven't screwed anything up as I can see it. It seems like a lot of the negative things are just being said to yourself instead of being conveyed to him (he wouldn't have agreed to a second date if you had completely screwed things up). Be kind to yourself and take it slow. If he's the right person for you now, he will understand. If not, you will have a better idea of how to be able to be respected and treated kindly in a future relationship. Hopefully you will do the same with yourself. You have the right to be happy just like everyone else
> 
> Hope this helps!!


Indeed it does. That is a powerful advice. I should know myself better. I should. And I have to say that you are absolutely right. He called me today and told me how he would like to take things slowly, as he wouldn't want to lose me as a friend due to us rushing into something. 
I'll tell I could only nod and smile on my end of the line. I couldn't agree more. And that's what I said. 
And yes I do aim a lot of negativity towards myself. It's called a catch-22, perhaps? 
Thank You so much for the care you put into this post. It really shows. 
Have a nice day


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## FloydRose (Aug 21, 2010)

littlemisshy said:


> It sounds like he likes you if its a second date and he is being nice to you otherwise he prob would have bolted by now.
> Don't try to worry, just try to be yourself thats all you can do.
> Sorry, I couldn't be much help as have been out of the dating scene for over 15 yrs. When I started dating my (now) husband I was a nervous anxious wreck but he saw the 'true me' and stuck around. SO, it does pay to just be yourself if its the right person.


I still need some insight - believe me, sometimes I feel like I'm a stranger to myself.

And what a wonderful reason to be out of the dating scene 
It does, doesn't it?
Thank you for this uplifting example. It's comforting


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## CAL2010 (Jul 24, 2010)

FloydRose said:


> Indeed it does. That is a powerful advice. I should know myself better. I should. And I have to say that you are absolutely right. He called me today and told me how he would like to take things slowly, as he wouldn't want to lose me as a friend due to us rushing into something.
> I'll tell I could only nod and smile on my end of the line. I couldn't agree more. And that's what I said.
> And yes I do aim a lot of negativity towards myself. It's called a catch-22, perhaps?
> Thank You so much for the care you put into this post. It really shows.
> Have a nice day


Remember to take it slow and be good to yourself. Best of luck to you


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## FloydRose (Aug 21, 2010)

I seem to insist on saying things which are only yet fragments. 
I seem to take long steps, only to try to catch up. 

I feel wrong about this. I find myself unconsciously saying things that I don't mean. That perhaps I would like to *fully* mean, yet don't.


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