# boyfriend hangs out with female friends too much



## snoogle_bear (Sep 15, 2004)

So my boyfriend of 7 months has mostly female friends. I didn't mind it at first. I have male friends anyways. But then recently, he started to hang out with his female friends alot. Like almost everyday and he sees them more than he sees me. One friend in particular kinda bosses him around and he does pretty much whatever she says like let's go here then he says ok. He's the type of guy who says yes to everything and has a hard time saying no. He asked me if it bothered me that he is hanging out with girls so much and i said yes cuz even he admits is weird but then he has done nothing to change. I have a friend whose boyfriend just stopped talking to all his female friends once he started going out with her and I thought that was crazy but now I see he has a good reason. Do you guys think it's ok for a significant other to spend alot of time with the other sex?


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## Naitzmic (Apr 11, 2007)

I don't see a problem.


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

Well, there's obviously a problem otherwise why would snoogle_bear feel compelled to post her concern here?

I went out with a girl last year who's friends were all male, with a few exceptions. I thought i could handle it, but as it turned out i couldn't. She moved in with 3 guys, one of whom was her best friend. She spoke of him alot. Telling me about how he would be her brother's expected baby's uncle. About how they would have no problems sleeping in the same bed. I bit my tongue for a long time, but things just got worse. One day she told me she had booked a trip away with 2 of her male friends. It was the final straw. Not only was i jealous, but i was annoyed that she didn't tell me about it first, and that she didn't want to take a trip with me. I confronted her about my feelings and she blew up in my face.

I learnt that, as soon as is possible you need to lay done some boundaries in these types of situations. If you can't agree on boundaries, then the relationship ain't worth it.


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## Naitzmic (Apr 11, 2007)

What I meant was that I don't see a problem with a partner having friends of the opposite sex.
Just think about this for a second. What if your partner was bi-sexual?
Would he/she not be allowed to have _any_ friends then?
As long as there's nothing fishy going on,
don't make a big deal about it.

I hang out with my female friends alot.
Most of them are girls I've dated at some point.
My fiancee doesn't really mind, as long
as I don't "overdo it".
Some times she'll get jealous, but for the most part
she knows she can trust me.


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

It's the 'overdo'ing it part that I was addressing. You've obviously made the boundaries clear with your fiance.

I trusted the ex that i referred to, but even with trust on yer side there is only so much you can push it. I mean, sleeping with other guys?

So, yeah, I agree it shouldn't be a problem with a partner having friends of the opposite sex just as long as everyone is aware of the boundaries, be they unspoken or otherwise.


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## snoogle_bear (Sep 15, 2004)

I went to a fashion show with my bf tonight cuz one of his female friends was a model in it. He's so damn polite to everybody else it makes me sick. And then nowadays when he wants to spend time with me he says let's do this with another female friend of his. I am still biting my tongue and trying to be open minded but no matter what it just feels wrong to me. Should I confront him?


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: boyfriend hangs out with female friends too much*



snoogle_bear said:


> I went to a fashion show with my bf tonight cuz one of his female friends was a model in it. He's so damn polite to everybody else it makes me sick. And then nowadays when he wants to spend time with me he says let's do this with another female friend of his. I am still biting my tongue and trying to be open minded but no matter what it just feels wrong to me. Should I confront him?


If it bothers you, then it's a problem and you should talk to him about it. If you don't, it'll become a worse problem down the road.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

*Re: re: boyfriend hangs out with female friends too much*



snoogle_bear said:


> He's so damn polite to everybody else it makes me sick.


People keep telling me that the "nice guy syndrome" doesn't exist, yet when I read comments like this, I shake my head.


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## biggoofybastard (Jul 26, 2004)

If you have a problem with it, discuss it with him and let him know how you feel.


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## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Just tell him you want more alone time with him. I wouldnt make a big deal about him hanging out with girls though, cause you would come off as jealous and insecure which is a huge turn off.


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## deist78 (Nov 12, 2003)

it could be a huge problem. and it was for me and my exgirlfriend. theres nothing wrong with a having friends of the opposite sex as long AS THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER. if one of those friends does than its a huge problem. anyway my exgirlfriend her friend and i all worked together. i actually worked right next to her "friend." well anyway he was in love with her. she didn't like him in that way. but anyway he would try to makie up stuff about me or things that he overheard and report it back to her. most people know what that is but i dan't say it on this site. it really bothered me and i told her that but she hung out with him anyway, sometimes instead of me. well she broke up with me eventually anyway and im sure he had something to do with it.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I never had a GF, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't be down with her having guy friends. She can have guys as acquainences that she may casually talk to when in a group setting or whatever. But alone one on one...um no. As a guy myself, I know how we work when it comes to a beautiful girl. If a chick is smokin hot, the guy is almost always going to have an agenda.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: boyfriend hangs out with female friends too much*



snoogle_bear said:


> I went to a fashion show with my bf tonight cuz one of his female friends was a model in it. He's so damn polite to everybody else it makes me sick. *And then nowadays when he wants to spend time with me he says let's do this with another female friend of his*. I am still biting my tongue and trying to be open minded but no matter what it just feels wrong to me. Should I confront him?


That would really piss me off. Definitely confront him.
...and I agree with Futures. I'd say most of the time, there is no such thing as "just friends", usually the guy is hangin' around so he can try to make a move.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

snoogle_bear said:


> Do you guys think it's ok for a significant other to spend alot of time with the other sex?


The apparent motive for such a question would be jealousy and worry that he might like these girls as more than just friends.

Are bisexuals then supposed to get rid of all friends of either gender upon entering a relationship, since anyone could be a potential sex partner to them? :con


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## Naitzmic (Apr 11, 2007)

UltraShy said:


> Are bisexuals then supposed to get rid of all friends of either gender upon entering a relationship, since anyone could be a potential sex partner to them? :con


I asked the very same thing...



Strange Religion said:


> ...and I agree with Futures. I'd say most of the time, there is no such thing as "just friends", usually the guy is hangin' around so he can try to make a move.


Just for the record, I'm a guy and I don't have "ulterior motives" with every female I know.
That's pretty f'ed up.
All guys aren't desperate losers, always on the prowl
for the next lay.
I have alot of female friends, and to be honest, they've approached me about the idea of being "friends with benefits" more often than I have.


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## snoogle_bear (Sep 15, 2004)

I think its messed up to be friends with somebody of the opposite sex if you have ulterior motives especially if you aren't single. That's like your planning to cheat already. I know not all people are like that. I actually think that most people are just really friends. But I'm old fashion and I think there's something wrong if a guy hangs out with girls so often. And I also think some people are too nice for their own good and they are hurting other people by trying to be too nice to somebody else. I know, cuz I can be like that sometimes too.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would be in trouble then because I do talk to women, and not in anything more than friendship. Each guy would be different, though. If something were to become a problem, you'd know. It would become obvious. Just monitor the situation and see what happens.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

some guys got friends that are girls, some that are guys, cant blame him unless he does something wrong.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

If he's spending more time with them then you and you're not ok with it, then thats emotional cheating. I'd recommend telling him how you feel and that you want more alone time with him. If things don't change in a week you should probably dump him, you deserve someone who won't put their friends before you.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

LoneLioness said:


> If he's spending more time with them then you and you're not ok with it, then thats emotional cheating. I'd recommend telling him how you feel and that you want more alone time with him. If things don't change in a week you should probably dump him, you deserve someone who won't put their friends before you.


That sounds rather biased. If a man has female friends that automatically becomes "emotional cheating" is he spends what somebody deems excessive time with these female friends? This whole thing is premised on the idea that a heterosexual man can't possibly have female friends without having sex with them.

What would the women here say if their BF asked them to give up all their male friends (except for the gays ones) as they pose a sexual threat to a jealous BF? The jealous BF could also demand that she get rid of any bi or lesbian friends as they too might become more than just friends. Would women willingly dump friends upon the request (or rather demand of a BF) or would they tell their BF that he's making ridiculous demands?


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

UltraShy said:


> LoneLioness said:
> 
> 
> > If he's spending more time with them then you and you're not ok with it, then thats emotional cheating. I'd recommend telling him how you feel and that you want more alone time with him. If things don't change in a week you should probably dump him, you deserve someone who won't put their friends before you.
> ...


No, only if he spends more time with them then with her. He's turning to them for his happiness and companionship over her and thats the part I'd consider emotional cheating, especially if he's spending 1-1 time with these girls. With his actions he's basically saying to her these female friends of his are more important to him then she is.



> What would the women here say if their BF asked them to give up all their male friends (except for the gays ones) as they pose a sexual threat to a jealous BF? The jealous BF could also demand that she get rid of any bi or lesbian friends as they too might become more than just friends. Would women willingly dump friends upon the request (or rather demand of a BF) or would they tell their BF that he's making ridiculous demands?


I'd just compromise and see my friends less (if I had any) but I'd probably be doing that anyway if I ever got into a relationship.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Naitzmic said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> > ...and I agree with Futures. I'd say most of the time, there is no such thing as "just friends", usually the guy is hangin' around so he can try to make a move.
> ...


I didn't say "All guys are desperate losers" blah blah...my point is in most situations when it comes to friendships between guys and girls, one of 'em usually has feelings for the other and it's not just strictly friendly.


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## Zack C (May 12, 2007)

Girl you need to use yo pimp hand. Tell him you won't have him flirting with all these girls. An if he doesn't stop, you need to move on.

Yeah, he will probably just start dating one of them. But at least he won't be getting some on the side with you.


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## shesmine (May 18, 2007)

I find myself in a similar situation right now actually. i recently posted the "question about jealousy" thread. It seems like not every friendship of this sort is necessarily corrupted or is necessarily a threat to the relationship but most hold some degree of risk. The question would be how much and is it worth the risk overall. I say almost never...unless of course you don't care about the relationship that much. My new girlfriend has a new male friend who she seems to really like. Problem is this guy is a single male who is way older than her and she is very inexperienced,lonely and eager for new friends. We are in a long distance relationship. I asked her not to drink alcohol when she hangs out with this guy who obviously only asked her out to a coffee because he was attracted to her. She got mad and said i was questioning her character...whatever. I can understand someone wanting new friends and wanting to party and stuff...BUT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. 

i am expecting her to come back and visit me in July...if she hasn't already moved on by then. it would break my heart if i lost her...especially for no good reason...to this ridiculous creep. i think i might even try to move to her town to be able to hang around with her more. between now and July is so long...long enough for this crazed stalker to change her mind about him while I, her boyfriend, am helplessly watching miles away.


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## snoogle_bear (Sep 15, 2004)

I'm not worried that my bf is gonna cheat on me cuz he's not like that and also cuz i know im way more attractive than his friends  It just bothers me that he has more female friends than male friends and girls boss him around and he's really nice and can't say no. I stopped with the whole flirting with guy friends thing now that I'm not single. I try to be friends with girls now mostly. I think it's important to have friends of the same gender. They are more likely to stick around anyways.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Noca said:


> some guys got friends that are girls, some that are guys, cant blame him unless he does something wrong.


I would say 90% of all guys have male friends. In high school it was a bit more common but now i can't say i know a guy that regularly hangs out with a girl.

...And what's wrong about him being polite??


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

I believe people should be respectful of their significant other, and try to spend the majority of their time with them. If a person wants to spend a lot of time with their friends (regardless of the sex), then this should be addressed at the beginning of the relationship.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: boyfriend hangs out with female friends too much*



snoogle_bear said:


> *I'm not worried that my bf is gonna cheat on me cuz he's not like that and also cuz i know im way more attractive than his friends*  It just bothers me that he has more female friends than male friends and girls boss him around and he's really nice and can't say no. I stopped with the whole flirting with guy friends thing now that I'm not single. I try to be friends with girls now mostly. I think it's important to have friends of the same gender. They are more likely to stick around anyways.


Trust me, looks mean nothing when it comes to cheating, sometimes guys cheat with less attractive women. It's good you trust him, but I couldn't deal with a guy who lets other girls boss him around. He sounds like a p*ssy, sorry to say.


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