# My life story over the past 7 years or so, improving every day



## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

I need to share what has happened to me in the past 7 years or so.
It's LIFE so it's also INTENSE to me even though I stood still for so long and nothing really happened.
It's strange and I want to share with you guys, get some perspective!

So from age 14-17 I was well known and still positive energetic, knew exactly how to have a social life and how to hang out with guy friends.
With girls I was afraid of rejection even though they mostly took the initiative themselves, for example texting me without me giving them my number.

So I never really pursued girls but that's beside the point right now.

I realized that I became more lonely at around age 17 and because of that I started gambing ALOT, the little invites I still got from friends I declined and slowely became FA.
This is also around the time that a girl I used to text with alot around age 15 who was really interested in me became the symbol of what I missed out on.
I started obsessing over this girl.

April 2013 I decided to quit gambling and smoking tobacco both at same time cold turkey. 
I was kinda traumatized of hiding my gambling habits from my parents and trying to win back lost money while also being FA, my brain chemistry was ****ed up.

Ever since then I was overthinking things to the extreme and never put myself out there. In the weekends always at home playing videogames and smoking weed to cope with boredom.
I also read the misc alot and my socialization was talking with fellow gamers online.
For people in my life there is no reason to think I would have a ****ty life because I got looks, charisma, a bit of personality from back when I was well known and well liked.
Also I come from a good family so I have never had financial troubles.

Just recently I went to a James Bond: Spectre premiere and I realized it was the first event I went to in years, the first time I put myself out there for everyone to see.
Immediatly girls initiated taking pictures with me because I'm the tall mysterious guy in town.

My plan is to reconnect with old friends and hopefuly become just as good friends as we used to be and even expand my circle.
Women are not my priority at all atm, I survived without them for 21 years (almost 22) and I realize I can be very happy when a women initiates and shows interest which happened to me once in a club.
But I'm probably the type of guy that enjoys being with a few females before I settle down so I don't think I have much to worry in that department.
I believe that if I get friends again I will become more energetic, confident and more attractive to women, they always want to ride along if I'm feeling good.

I kinda made this topic to put everything into perspective.

What I least understand is that I haven't improved myself at all since I was about 15 years old, I'm still the guy that has irrational thoughts and fears, never pursuing women.
I also let myself slip away into FAness and never decided it was time to change and just put myself out there, I mean I had really nothing to lose all this time.
So what if you make some stupid mistake and people talk about you for 20 secs of their day..

I hope there are people that went through the same thing and can offer me some perspective.
Like I said earlier it just bothers me that I never decided to change, especially because I knew what it's like to be respected and admired, to be on top of the social hierarchy.

I'm convinced alot has to do with pursuing things like gambling, smoking weed etc, things that mess up your brain chemistry.
I let myself go on auto pilot somehow.

Also this women I was obsessed about, I remember 2.5 years ago I had to make my final year exams and she was distracting me.
Now I'm doing a new education and this same thing is happening, 2.5 years later, not to mention that before that time I was already watching her pictures etc.
It could all be easily solved if I just banged 1 random and I wouldn't have thought about her another second.
And with distracting I mean I'm watching her pics, reading her tweets and just autopiloting my life away while I should be learning for school.

Thanks for reading this.
Here are some pictures of me and the girl for your time: (Girl in last pic is the one I gave all my energy and attention past few years even though I barely ever saw her IRL)

http://postimg.org/image/q57h9ygs9/ (James Bond premiere) (Worst pic for me facial wise)
http://postimg.org/image/ld3wvkydj/
http://postimg.org/image/m0ihj3s4z/

To be fair, the reason why she rejected me was because I asked her out with creepy methods.
Few months later I saw her in real life and our eye contact was insanely intense, we just made some small talk.
At the end she asked me what I was up to tonight? I just said very blunt, nothing going home.
And she said, You know that I live very close to you..
I said something like I would love to come check it out sometime and hopped in the bus.

So even after that very creepy way of getting her number and immediatly texting her some needy BS she still wanted me.
And yes I don't even lift but that will change this week.

At this very moment she is still trying to get my attention via social media giving me super strong hints etc but she never tried to see me again IRL so I doubt her intentions.
It's best if I just forget her completely I guess, even though I have no false image of her.
I know exactly what kind of person she is and I must say we are very compatible, she probably knows that aswell + I can provide.

As for my current life situation, my parents don't really care anymore if I buy well fitted clothes etc.
They used to care alot about how I looked and how I felt.
They also talked about buying an appartment for me so I could live nice and we could also earn some money from it, dad talked about it everyday even calling for me to check out some pictures on the daily.

Ended up in some shared flat with 1 other student and 2 people 40+ years old without a job.
I don't think my parents care much anymore because they don't understand and they feel powerless over my ****ty life, I never felt like they guided me at all in life but I'm responsible for myself.
I was never emotionally in control and that led to my downfall.

I hope when my life improves they might see it differently and I might be in some better cirumstances.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Nice story bro. Good luck with the girl situation.


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> Nice story bro. Good luck with the girl situation.


Thanks for the reply.

Well I'm not gonna pursue her at all because I already invested so much time in her and she knows it.
A good girl wouldn't leave me hanging like this imo, if she would approach me in real life I might think differently of it but in the meantime I'm gonna build my life the way I want it to be and knowing her she probably will miss out on the fun.


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## Bogus (Jun 28, 2010)

i come from a similar place initially tho my current situation is more lonely than yours i suppose. i can related to the part of knowing how it feels and not taking up on opportunities.

not sure what kind of advice you want to hear. having spent the last 5 years pretty much alone all of my time (im 32), i can only suggest to you that let this girl come closer to you. not saying this will be the solution to all of your problems, and maybe it will even be painful, but you will likely not be pleased about it if you dont and she may sooner rather than later decide that she doesnt want to persue it anymore.

the problem is, you can spend any amount of time just sitting around not doing stuff. without much doubt there will be oppotunities for all kinds of things later in life, but it doesnt get easier to get **** done, and its quite unpleasant to carry around the baggage of wasted time as you already know.

*didnt read your last answer. did you like actually ask her out or invited her to your place?


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

Bogus said:


> i come from a similar place initially tho my current situation is more lonely than yours i suppose. i can related to the part of knowing how it feels and not taking up on opportunities.
> 
> not sure what kind of advice you want to hear. having spent the last 5 years pretty much alone all of my time (im 32), i can only suggest to you that let this girl come closer to you. not saying this will be the solution to all of your problems, and maybe it will even be painful, but you will likely not be pleased about it if you dont and she may sooner rather than later decide that she doesnt want to persue it anymore.
> 
> ...


Hey man thanks for the in depth reply.
That's why I will tell you what you need to know.

When we were 15 years old she started texting me, I didn't even gave my number to her. She sent me about 300 texts in a month and I obviously shouldve talked to her in real life but I didn't.
Then I remember standing near the gate of school and her asking if I wanted to ride her home (seperate bikes) but I told her I was waiting for my friends.

So yeah I missed up on some serious opportunities with her so it's not like she was never sexually attracted to me. She also told me in the texts that I should just talk to women, unfortunately I never took her advice.

She has alot of respect for me and when I messaged her on FB asking for her number "for a party I was going to give" she gave it very happy to become friends with a high value male.
I used her number to text her to ask her out, I was obsessing over her for months. Obviously if you ask someone out in such a creepy way they will always reject you and of course she did aswell.

She was so mad at me for doing that, that she blocked me on FB etc. In the mean time I just watched her pics and read her tweets, she is strongly hinting at putting the BS behind us and me approaching her basicly. Only way I got of contacting her is social media so I don't know if she is just looking for validation or something serious.

I think she is sorry that she reacted that way and she is also sometimes sending out tweets in the hopes that I feel emotion.
For example she will say "she didnt remember how she got home" and that maybe she should be ashamed of her behaviour.

Also when I uploaded 2 new pictures of myself where I looked better then ever before she immediatly tweeted that when she gets married someday she wants people to look at the couple in disgust because of how in love they are.

She also tweeted "Some people are so pretty"

I think we have very compatible energetic personalities and I always wanted her with the intention to bring us both to higher places.

She has been living alone since 16 years old because of poor home situation and has been working ever since. I don't know if she did any shady stuff, I do know she probably banged alot of guys...
But I don't know if that really matters in todays world.


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## Bogus (Jun 28, 2010)

hmm i think i have misunderstood what you were writing earlier, i thought this was a completely new girl. sorry.

in this case not that sure i would actually give that advice, because i had my fair share of obsessing about girls as well. i dont really know what this girl means to you aside from your obsession with her, so i cant tell if you should cut ties with he or not. but i would definitly try to give up on the idea of having any romantic relationship wth her and rather try to move on to new girls or other topics of interest. maintaining the status quo will likely not be good for you.


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

Bogus said:


> hmm i think i have misunderstood what you were writing earlier, i thought this was a completely new girl. sorry.
> 
> in this case not that sure i would actually give that advice, because i had my fair share of obsessing about girls as well. i dont really know what this girl means to you aside from your obsession with her, so i cant tell if you should cut ties with he or not. but i would definitly try to give up on the idea of having any romantic relationship wth her and rather try to move on to new girls or other topics of interest. maintaining the status quo will likely not be good for you.


I just had a talk with a helping hand for about 2 hours and 40 minutes and completely removed all delusions about her.

It also turns out that anything I did in life, I connected it to her.
So I do feel alot more positive atm and more clear and sharpminded.

I will just start working out and enjoying nature, trying to make new friends and it will probably all be fine.


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

Btw what does maintaining the status quo mean in this case? I have no clue.


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

It feels so weird because now after talking about it I removed all these irrational beliefs.
This whole obsession and the delusions that came with it.

Now I'm left with a very weird thought that I'm basicly here with:

- No vision
- No interests
- No passions
- Generic education
- Living on autopilot
- No friends.

So all this bull**** that my brain wanted me to waste my time on is gone now.
Obviously I can go on a self discovery but this is the weirdest realization I have ever had hands down.


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## Bogus (Jun 28, 2010)

status quo in this case meaning the kind of relationship you have or had with her and you obsessing about her.

i would think you were obsessing about this girl because it gave you meaning, not because of who she is. you seem to be already fairly motivated to get to a better place in life, so thats your meaning right there. give it some time to develop an idea of where you want to go. interests and passions will develop as you try out stuff, which is also the way to get off autopilot mode.


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## Raly (Oct 30, 2015)

Bogus said:


> status quo in this case meaning the kind of relationship you have or had with her and you obsessing about her.
> 
> i would think you were obsessing about this girl because it gave you meaning, not because of who she is. you seem to be already fairly motivated to get to a better place in life, so thats your meaning right there. give it some time to develop an idea of where you want to go. interests and passions will develop as you try out stuff, which is also the way to get off autopilot mode.


Dude, you are so spot on.

I'm glad she never got with me because I probably wouldve been sick of her after 1 bang, she was just my way of holding on to my ****ty life.
I felt so unstable after I removed these delusions but I feel much better already now because I have much less thoughts and am way more energetic.

You wouldn't believe how much an obsession and negative mindset will drain you, I forgot that I could be so fit as I am today.


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