# Is it sad that I'm 21, going to be a senior in college, and



## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

have never:

- Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
- Gotten drunk
- Been in a relationship (and on that note, never really done anything with the opposite sex)
- Gone clubbing
- Done any other crazy things that college kids do

I feel like all my friends/acquaintances who are in college are living the college life, you know? They have friends to hang out with 24/7, fun/crazy stories to tell... and then there's me. Even my roommate for next year has done more stuff than me and she doesn't have that many friends and she commuted for three years (very strict indian parents) with a midnight curfew. Hell, she's even been to a strip club and gone drinking. Then again, she's very outgoing, willing to try new things, etc., basically everything that I'm not.

I just keep thinking, all I need is the right group of friends, friends whom I feel comfortable hanging out with. But so far, due to my SA getting worse, I'm never going to find them. I'm just a hermit, I stay at home all day and surf the net. Hell, I go to the library to read just so that I can say that I left the apartment to "run errands" or hang out with people. 

I hate lying just to make myself look better in front of people, people who probably know I'm BSing.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm the same way. All through my university career I lived at home and commuted. I never really got to know anyone at school and never did anything socially. I'm 25 and still have yet to do any of the things you listed.


----------



## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

Well, I've lived on or near campus all my three years and still haven't done anything or made any close connections. It doesn't help when you have outgoing and social roommates that always have things to do or people to call to go out, while you're stuck at the apt when not at classes.

I know, college is what you make of it but ... I wish it was easier.


----------



## macready (Nov 6, 2005)

*Re: Is it sad that I'm 21, going to be a senior in college,*



Amara05 said:


> - Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
> - Gotten drunk
> - Been in a relationship (and on that note, never really done anything with the opposite sex)
> - Gone clubbing
> - Done any other crazy things that college kids do


Maybe it's just me, but it seems like at least three of those things could be done easily over a weekend. Go out with your roommates next time they go to a bar, and just stick it out the entire time... the getting drunk part is what is probably holding you back, just take it easy your first time... you'll do fine... it's sort of scary but exciting at the same time...


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I'm 23 and I haven't done any of those things either!


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I'm 23 and haven't done any of those either...and it's even worse...I am not even going to be a college senior. I got a late start, so I am a freshman now.

By the way, I know a lot of popular kids don't feel the same way as I do, but I believe that "not getting drunk" is something you should be proud of, not ashamed of.


----------



## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

> Go out with your roommates next time they go to a bar, and just stick it out the entire time...


My roommates hardly go out to bars or anything now, they've already passed that phase. And when they do go out and party, either 1.) They don't invite me or 2.) They party with a certain organization, one that I'm trying very hard to distance myself from.

It sucks because I do want to try some of these things, but I also need to be with people I feel comfortable with. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse, I don't know. I do know that if I'm not comfortable, I'm just going to end up sitting by myself at the bar watching everyone's purses while they go dancing or something.

*sigh* I just don't think I'm ready perhaps. Oh well, I've got two more years to hopefully try out this stuff (gonna be a 5th year senior... woohoo... or not)


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm 21, about to be a college senior, and I've neither done any of the things you've mentioned nor made friends. I really hate that I'm throwing these years away.


----------



## Ames105 (Nov 6, 2005)

> I really hate that I'm throwing these years away.


I totally know how you feel.

On the one hand, I have had so many opportunities to go and do stuff, and what do I do? I avoid them. It's really rather sad. I don't know how to push myself and the only times I actually force myself to go is because if I don't go then I feel superly guilty (ie a friend's b-day get together). I can just imagine what the few friends I have are thinking about me. In fact, one of my friends actually thinks I'm stuck up.


----------



## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

I actually think the not getting drunk and not clubbing is a sign of maturity. But I'm a square :lol


----------



## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

*Re: Is it sad that I'm 21, going to be a senior in college,*



macready said:


> Amara05 said:
> 
> 
> > - Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
> ...


no no don't take it easy!!

when you get drunk for the first time your supposed to get right lit up, and by the time your done you will being praying to god for forgivness and saying that you'll never drink again!!

thats the custom where i come from anyways.

but anwyays, i know what you mean, i do that stuff but with people i know from highschool, i haven't made a single good freind in the 4 years ive went to college.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

*Re: Is it sad that I'm 21, going to be a senior in college,*



Amara05 said:


> have never:
> 
> - Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
> - Gotten drunk
> ...


Amara05,

All of that stuff didn't happen to me until I was 22-23 and in my senior year. I have neevr ben drunk, though - too scared to lose control! :afr


----------



## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

> I have neevr ben drunk, though - too scared to lose control!


That's exactly why I don't drink, I want to be in control. I have problems controlling the words that come out of my mouth when I'm sober, I don't want to think what'd I say (or do) when I'm drunk. :lol


----------



## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

I actually went through a very "drunk phase" my senior yr in high school and my freshman yr in college...maybe my soph year too. I guess you could say I had a drinking problem because I always drank too much and I started doing stupid things like fooling around with guys that I didnt even like or plan on having a relationship with. I guess some people would call this a "****ty phase"


I chose to hide my problems with alcohol for awhile, but it never did anything good for me because you cant develop friendships and relationships when you are drunk. 


If you are going to use alcohol to ease you into situations, I would suggest using it a little bit you know like have a drink or two and then it will be easier to lighten up...just dont let it turn into a habbit! Being drunk is fun because you can be who you would be if you didnt have sa....well let me rephrase that when you are tipsy,...because you are saying things that are on your mind rather than keeping it all in!

Maybe you should ask yourself if you really want to do those things and if you really do then go for it! And if you need a little alcohol to ease your anxieties, I dont think thats a bad idea....in fact, that is what I did in high school I drank a little and then thats how I got to know people, until I didnt even really have to drink to feel comfortable around them. Too bad I messed that up by getting drunk too much, because they were all big partiers too. 


Anyways if you think there are things that you want to do and you are going to look back and wish you would have done them, then do it!


----------



## Jim (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: Is it sad that I'm 21, going to be a senior in college,*



Amara05 said:


> have never:
> 
> - Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
> - Gotten drunk
> ...


I'm the same way, but four years older.


----------



## lucysnowe (Apr 19, 2006)

I'm still just 18, but I haven't done any of those things either. I get upset about it sometimes, but when I really think about it I don't see why. Partying and drinking and clubbing just aren't part of my personality - the only reason I have any desire to do them is because it's what "normal" people do.


----------



## Amara05 (Feb 2, 2006)

> Partying and drinking and clubbing just aren't part of my personality - the only reason I have any desire to do them is because it's what "normal" people do.


I think that's the only reason why I want to go as well, because that's what everyone else is doing. I mean, I want to try it at least once but other than that, I don't really think clubbing, partying, drinkign, etc. is my thing.


----------



## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

Clubbing is not all that crack up to be. Honestly, there are some nasty men that troll around in those clubs. And it's loud, long conversations aren't very ideal in those places. I'm not very partial of clubbing or drinking, or partying, either. I'm more low key. I'm also a rising senior and I've never been in a relationship or gotten drunk.


----------



## macready (Nov 6, 2005)

Amara05 said:


> > I have neevr ben drunk, though - too scared to lose control!
> 
> 
> That's exactly why I don't drink, I want to be in control. I have problems controlling the words that come out of my mouth when I'm sober, I don't want to think what'd I say (or do) when I'm drunk. :lol


Alright... so bars aren't your thing... then if you're still interested in breaking out of your stuffy, uptight mold (joking, but you gotta try everything at least once right?) then try getting drunk at home first then..

look up some drink recipes on the internet and head down to your local liquor store... try and pick something easy to make like margaritas or something... then entice your roommates/friends to join you in a cocktail party... which should be fairly easy (say you've decided to lose your 'alcoholic virginity' or something... if they're half as cool as dog **** on a shoe they'll join you - which doesn't make any sense but i'm on a roll so go with it)

that way :

1) you're getting drunk with people you feel (somewhat) comfortable with
2) your friends will likely be surprised and happy that you got them free booze and decided to lighten up 
3) your friends won't judge you anymore than they already have (knowing you already)
4) you're in a safe, controlled environment... and you're already home so there's no problem there...
5) after a few drinks (those in the know call this the 'pre-funk' phase - surprise your friends with your new found hipness...) the inevitable will happen : your drunken friends will decide to either go to a bar or a party (doesn't mean you're boring or have anything to do with you - we call this phase 'on the prowl') at which point you can either decide to

a) go with them, if you're feeling happy (and you should be), or:
b) stay at home (overstate your drunkenness if need be - puking is always an option at this point)

this way, you're starting out ('feeling your limits' as the creepy school counselors say) with a limited number of people and you have (tada!) complete control over whether you want to go out or stay in with looking like a loner...

this goes out to the OP and anyone who wants to get drunk but's too scared they'll slur or 'do something stupid.' (which is pretty normal : if I didn't start drinking at 13 I'd probably feel that way too), just remember:

you will slur, people hearing you will likely slur, people talking to you will likely slur, and noone will care in the morning. and that whole 'do something stupid' thing? that's the fun part. just laugh it off like it's a joke and guess what?

it will be.


----------



## pokey (Dec 18, 2005)

Join the club! 

but I think as it this way.... do I really want to do all those things? ok yeah I guessss I'd try them, but it's something I don't (or try not to) beat myself up on. as for the relationship issue, I was late bloomer. I'm still catching up... your time will come.


----------



## Chameleon (Aug 12, 2006)

> - Gone to a party (like, drinking frat/sorority parties)
> - Gotten drunk
> - Been in a relationship (and on that note, never really done anything with the opposite sex)
> - Gone clubbing
> - Done any other crazy things that college kids do


I am 21 like you.

OK let's go item by item...

*Gone to a party*. Here's what you're usually missing out on. A bunch of drunk idiots walking around talking a bunch of pure nonsense to each other. Yeah that's what I usually experience at a party. It's the same thing almost every time. I've been to maybe two parties in my entire life that I actually enjoyed. And that was because I actually got to know some cool people there. Every other time, I would end up meeting a bunch of drunk girls or other people that I know I would never meet again (or they were just too annoying to deal with). I've been to maybe 20 parties my whole life and to be honest with you, I really don't think you're missing out on much unless you like meaningless conversations.

*Gotten drunk*. Again, not really missing out. Good for you for never drinking. It's bad for you anyway. I've gotten drunk too much this summer and now I am regretting it. Last time I did it, I felt like I pissed off my friends because of what I did. Also, my stomach has been bothering me a little more lately. That's what alcohol does to you over time. I would suggest doing what someone else said: maybe take a few drinks at a social gathering to ease up your SA a little but don't get drunk. Tipsy if you will. I think that's perfect for us people who have strong feelings of anxiety at social gatherings.

*Been in a relationship*. Yeah it sucks. I've been in one but it was a long distance thing which kinda sucked. In my entire life I've only had sex once, made out 5 or so times, and a few other sexual activities. It's still pretty bad for someone my age but oh well. All I can say is be patient. Don't grow too bitter about it or it will get worse. Just try to get out there and make an effort. Try to meet girls at places you're most comfortable at (a club meeting for an interest you have for example).

*Gone clubbing*. Good for you for never going. Clubs suck. A lot. Again, usually full of idiots. It's all just a bunch of cheap thrills.

*Done any other crazy things that college kids do.*. I got caught by a cop for underage drinking one time. Do you really want to do that? 

Good luck! I know I will need it too.


----------

