# how do i flirt?



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i'd really like to know how. does anyone else have trouble with it? for those that don't, how do you do it?

i'm not completely sure if i have ever flirted with guys. i'm not even sure what counts as flirting to be honest.


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

i guess flirting comes naturally when one is comfortable with the person, ei; physical contact, body language, constant eye contact, etc.

[quotei had a guy tell me that i don't tease him or flirt with him at all and i was supposed to and that made me feel really horrible.[/quote]

haha. you were supposed to? thats quite demanding. it looks as if the guy was just joking.

i have trouble flirting, and wouldnt do so until im comfortable enough with that person.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Auron said:


> i guess flirting comes naturally when one is comfortable with the person, ei; physical contact, body language, constant eye contact, etc.


yes, makes sense


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

maybe, just maybe he told you that so you can be a bit more open towards him; letting you know that its ok to flirt with him. well im no expert

when i had a g/f around 16 i sort of had the same problem. she was shy too, so..it was very hard to express our feelings normally that i'd become very self concious. but then again, i was 16 back then, and you are 18 and theres still a long ways away to practice lol


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i guess i should just keep on working on just feeling comfortable enough to have a conversation and hopefully the better i get the more confidence i will have, and the easier it will get to flirt. :stu hm, i don't know. i just wish i could change things quickly but it's never easy.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Yeah, flirting is hard for me. I guess for people with sa it's even harder because it forces you to open up to people and let yourself be vulnerable, which like the complete opposite of what our brain is telling us.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

i don't know, some people on this board seem to be able to do it easily and enjoy it a lot, while others (like me) are too nervous to even try.


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## nightmahr (Jan 2, 2008)

Well you have to start by being entirely comfortable with someone. If you don't feel like that then there's no point in trying to do anything you'd call flirting. It's kind of hard to explain because it just happens with me when I'm talking to kind, feminine people most of the time.

This is a bit strange sounding, but if I were a girl I don't think I'd be able to flirt with most guys. I've seen it happen a lot but it's always too strong and intimidating. I don't know if it's like that to you, but you might have an easier flirting with guys who act more feminine or maybe girls--which doesn't really help I know but it could be an interesting exercise, and anyway I flirt with people most of the time just because it feels good--not just when I'm in love with or want to **** someone.

And you know, you really don't have to do this or anything else just for the sake of it or because someone tells you to. It's not a cosmic law of relationships, and certainly not something you have to be able to do right away with someone. Being awkward around people you like is okay sometimes too--think of it as a unique form of flirting


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

hell, i don't know how to flirt either. when i see a guy who is attractive to me i try to get away from him as quickly as possible. 

some guy who was in my class started talking to me out of no where said he felt like i wanted him to get the f*** away from me. which was kind of true. lol


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## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

LOL..I can't even be in the presence of a female, flirting with one would be impossible for me. ops ops ops


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Be yourself. Just joke around, be light hearted. If you take yourself too seriously it's usually a turn off.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I remember someone saying, Girls sit down to poop too. Which I guess is supposed to mean that we shouldn't look at the opposite sex like they're on a pedestal. I think that's why a lot of people have so much trouble talking and flirting with the opposite sex.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

shyvr6 said:


> I remember someone saying, Girls sit down to poop too. Which I guess is supposed to mean that we shouldn't look at the opposite sex like they're on a pedestal. I think that's why a lot of people have so much trouble talking and flirting with the opposite sex.


Basically.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

shyvr6 said:


> I remember someone saying, Girls sit down to poop too. Which I guess is supposed to mean that we shouldn't look at the opposite sex like they're on a pedestal. I think that's why a lot of people have so much trouble talking and flirting with the opposite sex.


While this is common sense, it's still extremely hard to realize when you're 23 and have never dated. Not trying to make excuses, just stating reality for some of us.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

sean88 said:


> Be yourself. Just joke around, be light hearted. If you take yourself too seriously it's usually a turn off.


yeah thats basically it.
something i hate about shyness and being depressed is that i often come off as being too serious. that couldn't be farther from the truth! i am almost never in a "serious" mood. even when i'm depressed i'm usually easy going and light hearted.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Flirting is saying something nice about someone but with an undercurrent of sexual tension.

It's not just words but inflection and body language as well. Its about how the other person makes you feel but without actually telling them.

For example: If I say, "Auron has a cute puppy look to him.", its because I like puppies. They're cuddly and they don't mind being held.

The statement is simple and innocent by it's words, but filled with more meaning than just a comment on his looks.

(For the record: Puppies are cute, cuddly and fun to play with but nothing beats a mature dog for companionship.)


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

To me:

Flirting is saying "I hate you" but meaning "I love you"

Sarcasm is saying "I love you" but meaning "I hate you"

NB This is a rule of thumb. Please dont take a black and white approach to this. Its just a 'feel'


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

nightmahr said:


> Being awkward around people you like is okay sometimes too--think of it as a unique form of flirting


 :lol I like that line!

Unfortunately I don't think any guy is going to see my awkwardness as a unique form of flirting, but it'd be nice if they did!


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## waddiwaski (Sep 6, 2007)

grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

waddiwaski said:


> grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes


 :shock


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## waddiwaski (Sep 6, 2007)

^^ sorry lol jk (though it would probably work?)


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

nothing_to_fear said:


> waddiwaski said:
> 
> 
> > grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes
> ...


lol

It would work too! I just wouldn't advise doing it. Haha.


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

waddiwaski said:


> grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes


lol, and say "your mine B!+c#".


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

ancient master said:


> waddiwaski said:
> 
> 
> > grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes
> ...


I lol'd.


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

they guy would be like: "*high pitched voice* :shock O.K *high pitched voice*"

:lol


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

ancient master said:


> they guy would be like: "*high pitched voice* :shock O.K *high pitched voice*"
> 
> :lol


hahah. maybe this sounds weird but i always think it would be cute and make me feel good to make a guy nervous like that, i would take it as a compliment i guess.
though i would never have the confidence to do something like that. _maybe _if i know the guy well enough and if i felt comfortable with him.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

waddiwaski said:


> grab his crotch under the table, no eye contact is necessary!! :eyes


Yeah that always works, but then you run the risk of having a childless future if this person becomes your spouse :lol


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

nothing_to_fear said:


> i'd really like to know how. does anyone else have trouble with it? for those that don't, how do you do it?


I don't know how to do it either really. Maybe you and I can meet up over a cup of tea and practice on each other? 

Ross


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> [quote="nothing_to_fear":1khfyi4o]i'd really like to know how. does anyone else have trouble with it? for those that don't, how do you do it?


I don't know how to do it either really. Maybe you and I can meet up over a cup of tea and practice on each other? 

Ross[/quote:1khfyi4o]
Mmm sounds good to me, i really need some practice, even if you are almost twice my age, hehe.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

hehe I guess my flirting works then :kiss


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## sakura01 (Jan 19, 2008)

I don't flirt either because I don't want to show that I'm interested when I am unsure of his feelings towards me. I think if a girl flirts with a guy that has no interest in her it would make him feel uncomfortable. But, if you know that a guy likes you it should give you more confidence to flirt since at least you know your flirtations won't be rejected. When I see girls flirt it usually involves teasing or kidding around, making eye contact, lightly hitting or pushing him when he makes you laugh, that sort of thing.


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## McBeef (Jan 5, 2008)

Girls do that light touch when they're talking to you sometimes. Thats usually a flirty kind of thing. Like when you're just having a conversation about whatever and they kind of punctuate their question or comment by lightly touching the side of your arm.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I'm sure they don't even realize they're doing it either.


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## ddhamilt (Aug 25, 2011)

Smiling, show those pearly whites. Laughing.

"Accidental" touching or brushing up against him every direct touches on the arm, lightly.

A little bit of teasing as well is good, in a very playful fun way.

Of course don't overdo it.

And of course, these are all behavioral, what's more important is that you love and accept yourself FIRST, and know that you are an attractive woman. Affirmations and belief change work is key for this. 

Without this all the behavioral stuff will be more difficult.


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## Silent Hell (Sep 17, 2010)

To me flirting has always seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. Why can't people just go up and ask someone out if they are attracted to them, instead of engaging in this odd charade behavior.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

i flirt with 90 percent of the women im attracted too


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

Silent Hell said:


> To me flirting has always seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. Why can't people just go up and ask someone out if they are attracted to them, instead of engaging in this odd charade behavior.


A lot people just enjoy the bantering and playfulness of flirting, but I agree with you. I'd rather it just be direct.


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Because it's fun.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Lol old thread but i think the OP has found out how to flirt...


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