# Women, do you expect a man to pay for the first date?



## RagnarLothbrok (Dec 16, 2016)

^ Title


----------



## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

In Scotland? 

How expensive can a bag of chips and fingering in a bus shelter be?


----------



## Gloaming (Aug 1, 2017)

Nope, I'd rather we split it.


----------



## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

No. I don't mind paying on first or any other subsequent date. I don't want to feel like I owe him anything. And if things don't work out, he can't say I used him for free meal.


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

No.


----------



## blahblahdeeblah (Feb 20, 2015)

I expect them to pay for everything, buy me things, give me things, give me money. Etc. Thanks for asking.


----------



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

No, I'm not a gold digger.


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

No. I don't expect to get a date.


----------



## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

I don't really know. Some guys might be really traditional and want to pay. Others might want to split the cost. I'd prefer to pay for my own stuff.


----------



## Wren611 (Oct 19, 2012)

CloudChaser said:


> In Scotland?
> 
> How expensive can a bag of chips and fingering in a bus shelter be?


:lol


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

blahblahdeeblah said:


> I expect them to pay for everything, buy me things, give me things, give me money. Etc. Thanks for asking.


You sound like quite the catch... :lol :haha


----------



## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

I don't really date but I feel the split thing it's kind of insulting, if go out with a friend or such I normally pay. I agree with @Ms kim about this one, however, I'm more like "I can pay my stuff, I pay your s#it and now you can leave me alone whenever you want, I own you nothing".


----------



## JohnB (Oct 14, 2015)

caelle said:


> I don't really know. Some guys might be really traditional and want to pay. Others might want to split the cost. I'd prefer to pay for my own stuff.


This is the best answer I have seen. If the guy seems nice, honest, not a prick and willing to pay let them. Sometimes its not a matter of owing something but feeling you did the right thing. If you take that away they may assume your not interested or not having a OK time. Then again i am old and married so I could be way off.


----------



## Kandice (Jan 26, 2017)

A guy paying is a nice gesture but I think I'll feel better having the bill split. Its hard to explain, I feel like couples share money and stuff but as for first dates go, I want to feel separate from the guy....this makes no sense but whatever, I tried my best lol.
I went on a "date" before with a guy, he paid and I let him because I didn't want to seem rude. On the next date, I told him that I will pay for the both of us. I make a lot more money than him (not trying to brag, its true), so I thought that was the right thing to do. I was never really into him. IDK if that move made it seem like I just wanted to be his friend, which is what I really wanted from him...just a friend.

There's still pay inequality, so there's nothing wrong with having the guy pay for everything anyways


----------



## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

Sus y said:


> you can leave me alone whenever you want, I owe you nothing.


I was also going to add that, a woman should always ensure that she has some extra change in her purse to get a taxi & find her way home, in case things get rough.


----------



## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

If they want to pay, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I could pay for it myself too. Basically it wouldn't matter. 

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk


----------



## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

hell yeah and every date after that until the end of time 😤👌

just playin', would probably either split or just each pay for our own. but typically I try to pay cause it's fun to spoil people


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Depends on how broke I am and how much money they make. I'll admit, I'll be less interested in a 2nd date if they don't pay.

I won't go out to dinner with guys on a first date anymore, so shouldn't be too expensive. Eating in front of a new person makes me too nervous. I only do coffeeshops or bars. That way I can leave at anytime. When you go to a restaurant with someone you are stuck there for an or two.


----------



## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Depends on how broke I am and how much money they make. I'll admit, I'll be less interested in a 2nd date if they don't pay.
> 
> I won't go out to dinner with guys on a first date anymore, so shouldn't be too expensive. Eating in front of a new person makes me too nervous. I only do coffeeshops or bars. That way I can leave at anytime. When you go to a restaurant with someone you are stuck there for an or two.


I don't like drinking on the first date because if I drink then my inhibitions are lowered and my self esteem gets artificially inflated because of the alcohol; thus, I don't drink on the first date because I want the woman to know the real me. Also, I don't drink coffee and it is just way to trendy to meet at a coffee shop.

However, to answer the question, I don't date much but I guess I am old fashioned and I like to pay on the first date. But I think after that it's best to work out some sort of arrangement kind of like whoever initiates the date is the one who pays. That way over time the cost of the dates are roughly spread out over equally over time.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rockyraccoon said:


> *I don't like drinking on the first date because if I drink then my inhibitions are lowered and my self esteem gets artificially inflated because of the alcohol; thus, I don't drink on the first date because I want the woman to know the real me*. Also, I don't drink coffee and it is just way to trendy to meet at a coffee shop.
> 
> However, to answer the question, I don't date much but I guess I am old fashioned and I like to pay on the first date. But I think after that it's best to work out some sort of arrangement kind of like whoever initiates the date is the one who pays. That way over time the cost of the dates are roughly spread out over equally over time.


Interesting. I'd rather they get to know the tipsy me first. Then gradually they can get to know the sober me. Have to sort of ease them into it, hahahaha.

I know some people hit it off with others instantly. I'm just not the easiest person to get to know, nor am I all that likable. I'm sort of like a fungus. Takes a while for me to grow on someone.

Coffee shops are not always ideal since the seating arrangements are not the best. Everyone can hear your conversation since the little tables are all so close together. I feel uncomfortable physically, so I don't want any date that involves walking or sports or whatever. I don't want them to see my body in motion. So many people say a walk in the park or playing min-golf would be great as a first date. That would be a freaking nightmare for me. I want to be seated, somewhere darkish, with an alcoholic drink in my hand.


----------



## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Interesting. I'd rather they get to know the tipsy me first. Then gradually they can get to know the sober me. Have to sort of ease them into it, hahahaha.
> 
> I know some people hit it off with others instantly. I'm just not the easiest person to get to know, nor am I all that likable. I'm sort of like a fungus. Takes a while for me to grow on someone.
> 
> Coffee shops are not always ideal since the seating arrangements are not the best. Everyone can hear your conversation since the little tables are all so close together. I feel uncomfortable physically, so I don't want any date that involves walking or sports or whatever. I don't want them to see my body in motion. So many people say a walk in the park or playing min-golf would be great as a first date. That would be a freaking nightmare for me. * I want to be seated, somewhere darkish, with an alcoholic drink in my hand.*


I totally get that and a lot of people espouse such behaviour, as I used to myself; however, because I am naturally introverted and diffident I would like my date to know that upfront. (When I drink I get super relaxed and can be the life of the party: gregarious, extroverted, always telling stories, etc). Because in recent times I have accepted my mental illness as not a flaw or hamper, I would like the woman to know that beneath my personality lies a timed, reticent yet growing confident person who can muster the courage to refrain from intoxicants to make it through a date.

Don't get me wrong here: if one likes to drink on the first date then so be it (whatever floats your boat kind of thing). I would, however, most certainly drink with my date after meeting her a few times, but again, I would like the first date to be one of sobriety. ( I actually really do like getting hammered, but there is a time and place for everything).


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rockyraccoon said:


> I totally get that and a lot of people espouse such behaviour, as I used to myself; however, because I am naturally introverted and diffident I would like my date to know that upfront. (*When I drink I get super relaxed and can be the life of the party: gregarious, extroverted, always telling stories, etc*). Because in recent times I have accepted my mental illness as not a flaw or hamper, I would like the woman to know that beneath my personality lies a timed, reticent yet growing confident person who can muster the courage to refrain from intoxicants to make it through a date.
> 
> Don't get me wrong here: if one likes to drink on the first date then so be it (whatever floats your boat kind of thing). I would, however, most certainly drink with my date after meeting her a few times, but again, I would like the first date to be one of sobriety. ( I actually really do like getting hammered, but there is a time and place for everything).


Okay, so you really do a complete personality change when drunk. I don't become extroverted or gregarious when drunk. I loosen up and I talk more but I don't change quite that much.


----------



## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Okay, so you really do a complete personality change when drunk. I don't become extroverted or gregarious when drunk. I loosen up and I talk more but I don't change quite that much.


Yes I definitely do become more comfortable and sociable. However, I have been stable on meds that have been working for the past 9 months or so I am much more comfortable conversing while sober, but yes, my mood does shift when drinking.


----------



## RagnarLothbrok (Dec 16, 2016)

CloudChaser said:


> In Scotland?
> 
> How expensive can a bag of chips and fingering in a bus shelter be?


A bag of heroin would be a classier first date imo. The man has to buy it though because of traditional gender norms.


----------



## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

Hmm. I don't expect it, but it would be nice for the first date. And no, my reasoning isn't about using someone for money or food (c'mon, not like I'd be expecting an expensive meal - very easy to please). It's just a sweet gesture on his part and shows he is genuinely interested in me and wants to make me feel special. Gentleman like behavior. Leaves a good first impression. If he didn't pay, it would make me question his motives. "Is he just looking for something casual?" Yes, this is how I think, because a lot of men aren't trustworthy, and I'm looking for a serious partner. He'd be my king, and I'd be his queen. But of course, I need to be able to see he is genuine.

With the way sex roles are, men typically ask out women. Therefore, it makes sense for them to pay. I'm talking early on, the first date or so, before you know each other. In a serious relationship, I'd have no problem paying for both of us if I had the money. I'm all about making a partner feel special.

*It isn't about money. It's about the gesture behind paying for the first date, showing he cares and is serious.*


----------



## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

I don't expect it, but I would much rather they do. Not trying to be sexist, but if they pursued me, why the hell should I pay for it? After that, I definitely don't mind splitting the bill or covering them once in a while. I feel really guilty having people pay for my sh*t.

And look I understand young men are broke college kids; I'm a broke college kid too. But if you're making a first impression, I have to admit, it works better in their favor if they pay. They are not just paying for my food but for respect as well. Not that I wouldn't respect them if they want the bill split. But it's more attractive if they do, and if not, I can just go ahead and assume they don't want anything out of me other than a friend. I _don't_ expect friends to pay for my meal. Though, I'm a huge sucker for chivalry and it's so much of a friggin turn on when guys are polite or insistent on treating you. And when they open the car door for me and stuff, I LOVE that.

That said, after the first date or two, I think I insult some people when I say "let me pay for my drinks" or my dinner. But I do feel guilty if they spend too much money on me.


----------



## blahblahdeeblah (Feb 20, 2015)

*Yeah..*



SuppersBruppers said:


> Me too, we have lots in common


: )
I can explain why I wrote that but I talk to people personally not all over the internet for ten million people I don't know. So anyone I know personally will know why I wrote that. All the nasty commenters on here (not you) I have bigger things to care about than their nasty opinions.


----------



## PacifiedPoe (Oct 17, 2017)

I *may* offer to pay for both, but I *expect* to split.


----------



## EmoKing496 (Oct 30, 2017)

I've been on 3 dates my whole life with 3 different girls, and they all insisted on paying. I must be lucky? I'm afraid of reading the comments...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

No. Typically and technically, I think it's probably the most _polite_ for whomever did the asking to pay (whether that is a man _or_ a woman); but I am most comfortable if I am able to pay for myself. I hate feeling like I am taking advantage of someone.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I can recall dates and of the very few times i have, they've always offered to pay. Unless they strictly say they're struggling, then of course I'd chip in. But I've never been insistent enough to pay for half. Maybe that's sexist or maybe it's shyness? If they said, "Look, i don't have any money" of course I'm not going to embarrass them by having a fit. Then again, i don't date that often. I do recall buying my own drinks if that says anything because who wants to pay for someone else's overly priced drinks?


----------



## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

Amphoteric said:


> No.


I would pay for our date.


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> I would pay for our date.


:blush :blush :blush :blush :blush :blush


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Who wants to go ? I'm payin :yes


----------



## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Go on a first date that costs nothing. Problem solved.


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Ominous Indeed said:


> Then I won't be going on a first date that will cost anything. Problem solved.


How much does a first date cost, 100 bucks ? I've never been on one I don't know, I've seen you around, I'd loan you $100.:yes


----------



## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Yes, my time is _valuable_. I expect to be reimbursed for every second.


----------



## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

I think I'm gonna have to agree with Matthew Hussey on this one...


----------



## lunalavender (Nov 1, 2017)

komorikun said:


> I won't go out to dinner with guys on a first date anymore, so shouldn't be too expensive. Eating in front of a new person makes me too nervous. I only do coffeeshops or bars. That way I can leave at anytime. When you go to a restaurant with someone you are stuck there for an or two.


I feel the same about eating in front of people, especially if it is a date. Though I've only been on a few dates, I just don't like dealing with food. I'd be more interested in doing something fun.


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

i feel like any guy worth his salt wouldn't suggest a meal for a first date - it's just too much of a commitment, both timewise and financially. if you don't pay, you risk coming across as a cheapskate, and if you do pay but there's no chemistry, you're €20 out of pocket.

drinks are slightly better costwise with the added bonus that if your date happens to be an insufferable bore, s/he won't be after you've knocked back a few. 

coffee and ice cream are ideal for first dates imho. and if you're not even willing to cover that then you probably shouldn't be going on dates in the first place.

if a guy doesn't pay for a first date, then i would assume it's just a friendly hang out and he's not interested in me romantically. if i already know there won't be a second date i try to pay for myself. i don't like the feeling of "owing" something to another.

i always offer but i never insist.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I went on one coffee date (a long time ago) where the guy got to the shop before me. He had already ordered his coffee. He didn't even bother to come up with me to the counter to order mine. 

Geeky half-Japanese 30 year old guy who had a couple cats. Maybe he was just out of it socially. His hair was also a bit long even though he was starting to bald. Beginner level mad scientist look.


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

komorikun said:


> I went on one coffee date (a long time ago) where the guy got to the shop before me. He had already ordered his coffee. He didn't even bother to come up with me to the counter to order mine.
> 
> Geeky half-Japanese 30 year old guy who had a couple cats. Maybe he was just out of it socially. His hair was also a bit long even though he was starting to bald. Beginner level mad scientist look.


what's his other half?

i feel it's largely a cultural thing (dependent on where you come from) , although i probably wouldn't bother with guys who go dutch "on principle", because if they are going to be so fussy/opinionated on a small issue like that, i can only imagine what they are like with other things.

and I'm picturing what he looks like... lmao!!


----------



## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

No, I used to fight guys to pay at least half of the dinner. Often they won't let me pay, in fact I think I have only been on one date where the guy actually let me pay. It used to piss me off but I've kind of given up, I started wondering why am I fighting so hard if it makes guys uncomfortable and I'm fighting to spend more money? Am I that prideful or just annoying? I'm still going to always suggest it though, maybe not fight so hard.

The one time I went on a dinner date with a girl she paid, (I think I paid for the coffee we had on our prior date though).

I think the only time I was annoyed to pay for a guy's meal was when I was hanging out with a friend and one of her stoner friends just showed up and hung out with us. He ordered but at the end of our meal claimed he had no money (didn't say anything when we walked in the restaurant though), he also ate some of my food too. The friend I was originally hanging out with is pretty stingy so I wound up paying for this dude's meal. That was pretty annoying, I would never date a guy like him.


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Interesting. I'd rather they get to know the tipsy me first. Then gradually they can get to know the sober me. Have to sort of ease them into it, hahahaha.
> 
> I know some people hit it off with others instantly. I'm just not the easiest person to get to know, nor am I all that likable. *I'm sort of like a fungus. Takes a while for me to grow on someone.
> *
> Coffee shops are not always ideal since the seating arrangements are not the best. Everyone can hear your conversation since the little tables are all so close together. I feel uncomfortable physically, so I don't want any date that involves walking or sports or whatever. I don't want them to see my body in motion. So many people say a walk in the park or playing min-golf would be great as a first date. That would be a freaking nightmare for me. I want to be seated, somewhere darkish, with an alcoholic drink in my hand.


looool xD


----------



## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

i expect to pay usually. negotiating makes me feel awkward. it would be fine if the girl was quite overtly feminist or something or if she said that was the reason. 

"you can pay next time" 
"oh no let me pay half" = "i never want to see you again"? *awkwardness*. 

its dating, so i don't care how much the first date costs, its not going to be that much. i'm not massively into gender roles, but it just simplifies things for me. just let me be a stupid man.


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

andy1984thesecond said:


> i expect to pay usually. negotiating makes me feel awkward. it would be fine if the girl was quite overtly feminist or something or if she said that was the reason.
> 
> "you can pay next time"
> "oh no let me pay half" = "i never want to see you again"? *awkwardness*.
> ...


Agreed lol.


----------



## TippyTappy (Oct 11, 2017)

I would rather make an agreement with them, and not go in thinking that they are gonna pay. But if they ask me to pay for it all....no.


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Can't be much of a man if he's too cheap to pay.


----------



## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

He better pay for everything!!!! (unless Im the one doing the asking...idk, then i might ...but probably not cause I'm usually broke).


----------



## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

greentea33 said:


> He better pay for everything!!!! (unless Im the one doing the asking...idk, then i might ...but probably not cause I'm usually broke).


:haha

That was funny ! I'm sorry, I am not laughing at the fact that you are broke but at the timing of your response.


----------



## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

In my own experience there is a large cultural difference to this. Women I dated with that grew up in Asia or under an asian culture, they mostly expect the men to pay by default during dates. Sometimes even during friend hangouts. Western culture women do not and they expect to pay half and half just like anyone. 

With a few hong kong and taiwanese girls I dated, I always just take the bill and pay for the whole bill. They never reach for the bill. So I figure that was the norm. In the past I hung out with a group of people that grew up on Hong Kong and we went on a few day trip together. Each meal, only the guys will split the bill and it happens automatically like it is the ettiquette. The women do not have to pay a dime and do not offer to pay. Asian American women are less of this. It is a 50/50. Mostly they offer to split the bill. Later in life, when I mostly only hang out with western women, whenever we eat, they will ask me what's the bill and will split with me. A few times I paid for the bill be default, they will look offended. That they think I don't think they can pay for the bill. So I thought that was interesting. Eventually I learned to try to split the bill my default. I end up going on a friend hangout with a Chinese girl who grew up in China. I got the bill and tell her the split of the bill. She then gave me a WTF look expecting me to pay for the entire bill. 

That is when I realize, the cultural difference in this.


----------



## sunnycoastgirl (Nov 11, 2017)

It depends on who asked who. If I was asked out I would expect him to pay, but If I asked then I would pay. But I am a bit old fashioned so I would find a man that genuinely wanted to pay more attractive.


----------

