# Anxious talking to professors



## nocturna (Feb 21, 2014)

Well..normally I can get away the whole semester avoiding professors, but my classes are getting harder, and I really want to ask them for help during office hours. I feel really intimidated by them, even the really nice/laid-back ones. My fear is that when I ask them to clarify something, I still won't understand it, or they'll find out how much I'm really behind in the class and just think I'm an idiot. Has anyone triumphed over this sort of problem?? I also understand that if I can't even approach them, how am I going to feel comfortable when I get an internship? I feel incompetent all the time (which is why I haven't made an effort to apply for one, I feel soo unprepared and nervous).


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

I understand; same here. Like you said, I can't even talk to laid-back professors. The idea of asking for help and potentially being shot down as stupid, even when it is unlikely they will do such, is too daunting. I've had this problem as far back as my elementary school days -- my school counselour and speech therapist even made it a goal for me to start asking clarifying questions to I don't stay in the dark, forced to learn the material from textbooks on my own time. Even added goading by my mum and sisters did not motivate me to take up the habit. I still can't do it. 

Humorously enough, my philosophy professor this semester sent me an email about a week ago concerning my lack of participation in class, to which I responded that I am much too anxious, and unless there is an alternative to make up for the participation grade, I'd be ok with a zero. He would not accept that response, so he asked me to come to office hours and discuss the matter with him. Now, in common sense, why would an anxious person who does not even participate in class want to talk to their professor during office hours about that very same anxiety?

You are not an idiot -- it's anxiety that is causing you to fall behind. Whereas others are able to collaborate in class discussions, the firsthand experience often being a much more effective method of learning, you are left to your own devices. 

If your professor is okay with typed correspondence, I suggest emailing them your questions rather than going to office hours. However, if you can muster up the courage, I strongly suggest trying to go to office hours, just to see if your irrational fears/anxieties actually manifest in reality. Often times, anxiety creates these stupendous un-realities, potential futures blown out of proportion by pessimism and fear, when really the situation will not turn out so nightmareish.


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## nocturna (Feb 21, 2014)

This one professor repeatedly makes announcements in class to see him if students need help/have any questions, so I feel like I should really use him as a resource and it would look rude to just e-mail him, particularly because he knows me by name (surprisingly) and I honestly think he is aware of how I'm struggling in the class. I would also like to overcome my fears, but I just get so nervous and I don't know how to calm down. It often shows involuntarily in my face/body language as well..


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## templar19 (May 12, 2009)

Depending on the professor, talking to them and getting help can be anything from an illuminating discussion to a waste of time. I had one philosophy prof who seemed to hate having anything to do with students, so the one or two times I actually talked to her early in the semester before giving up was like pulling teeth. But I have my math prof this semester who gives his home number to students and invites them to call him up and discuss assignment questions or material. And he always makes it worth my while: he's friendly, supportive, and incredibly intelligent. It's a rare week that I don't call him at least once to discuss something.
Talking to profs is intimidating: they're some of the smartest people we'll meet in our whole lives, and feeling like we've come off as idiots is degrading. But good profs love their material, and they want their students to love it, too. So a good prof will do his/her best to make you totally comfortable talking with them. I've found it most helpful to try and read the textbook before going to them, so I can show them that I've attempted the material. (This seems to work best with math, which I'm studying.) Also, a good prof will notice if you keep to yourself (especially if it's a small class), so if you go to him (especially if he knows your name), he'll probably take it as a sign of motivation from you. When I was a TA, I knew when one of the quieter students came to me it was because they actually wanted help (and not just to shoot the breeze or hang out), so it motivated me to make them as comfortable and informed as I could.
Talking to profs is hard, but as trite as it sounds, you won't know just how good your profs really are until you try to talk to them.


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## londonromance (Aug 17, 2013)

Your professor seems really nice and understanding! If he offers everyone some extra help, then at least you won't feel singled out and like you're the only one who needs it. I bet a lot of people do. It's nice that he knows your name! Most of my professors just know I'm super shy and don't talk to me unless I email them for something specific. I think they can see how much it pains me to talk in class. Haha. Maybe try emailing him first to schedule a time to talk, or if that's too formal, just talk to him after class or during his office hours if he has any. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

I never talk to them one on one. I just email them if I have any queries.


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## nocturna (Feb 21, 2014)

Ughh I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm about to go to the office. In the classroom he's pretty indifferent to me although I see him joking around with other students. Here it goes..


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## imm0rtAl (Nov 9, 2013)

Same problem. When I talked to one of them one on one I didn't get what he was saying and pretended to understand and just got away fast with it. Then there was this other lecturer who came to you personally to check if you had any problems and I found that a better method so I e-mailed our program administrator to change lecturers but all I got was a hint that I should better start going to the support lectures which are basically more complicated than the normal ones and the lecturer there is the same as the first one - he asks for question but since it's in front of the whole class I feel intimidated to ask because then all the other people will know how dum I am. That's why I struggle on my own in the end and find spending 9k per year on this course totally pointless.


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## SadSelf (Jan 24, 2014)

This is a normal thing because every 5 or 6th student have same type of issue as u have . 

you just try to know the topic don't learn it , you have to understand the topic. 

and also don't feel like you are nothing


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