# heart broken



## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

If you read or have read my thread "2nd Base" you'll know that I was dating a guy that I was crazy about. I never let myself become too crazy over a guy, but...something happened without me knowing it and I guess I really fell for this one. I can't say I "loved" him, but...I cared alot about him and in time I probably could have loved him, but we only dated two months. Anyways, I saw him tonight at a party and it really brought back all the feelings and he's already sleeping with another girl and seeing him act so unaffected, even when we're alone and talking, absolutely breaks my heart. I feel so cheated. All I wanted to be was a good girlfriend and a good person and I get my heart perfectly broken by a wonderful guy who gets to curl up to a new warm body at night while I sleep alone. And for the record, I have dated since the break up, a mere three weeks ago, but I don't feel the "spark" with this new guy that I did with my ex.


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## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

Yeah, it's a painful feeling :hug


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

:hug


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

I'm sorry to hear that  I've heard its best to take a break for a little while from dating if you feel like that


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Sorry to hear that but as I mentioned to you in the original thread, this is what a lot of guys do at that age. Having sex is their number 1 priority. And with so many young girls putting out these days, these guys can pretty much jump from one girl to another and know they'll get what they want. Hopefully, you will meet someone soon who truly cares for you and not merely look at you as simply a means of getting their jollies.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

*Re: re: heart broken*



free thinker said:


> Sorry to hear that but as I mentioned to you in the original thread, this is what a lot of guys do at that age. Having sex is their number 1 priority. And with so many young girls putting out these days, these guys can pretty much jump from one girl to another and know they'll get what they want. Hopefully, you will meet someone soon who truly cares for you and not merely look at you as simply a means of getting their jollies.


We never had sex, he did/still does care about me, and his reason for breaking up was not a selfish one, but thank you for the kind words regardless.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

things like that do suck. it took a long time to get over my ex girlfriend. though i truly did love her, im not sure if i missed her or if i missed being with someone.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

"I've been here before, one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore."

It takes time, but you'll get over it eventually. Good thing you didn't have sex with him. Even if he claims that's not his reason for breaking up or whatever, you know he's already sleeping with this new chick (I'm guessing you mean sex and not actually just "sleeping") so I'm sure that had something to do with it, but good for you if you weren't ready.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: heart broken*



NightinGale said:


> We never had sex,


My mistake. I thought you had experienced petting and oral sex with him, just not intercourse.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*Re: re: heart broken*



free thinker said:


> NightinGale said:
> 
> 
> > We never had sex,
> ...


petting?whats that?


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## TX boy (Apr 26, 2006)

*Re: re: heart broken*



NightinGale said:


> We never had sex, he did/still does care about me, and his reason for breaking up was not a selfish one, but thank you for the kind words regardless.


Why do you say you've never had sex? The post below from your "2nd base" thread tells me different:



NightinGale said:


> I've never initiated anything sexual with John. He's always made the first move. And he's ballsy. He just goes for it. And if I don't like what he's doing I tell him "no" and if I do like what he's doing I tell him so. But, yeah, every sexual thing (kissing, groping, oral, etc) he's initiated. I will initiate kissing and making-out now, but he was always the first. Here's the run down of our dates:
> 
> 1st date = nothing, I gave him a kiss on the cheek when he dropped me off.
> 
> ...


You've had sex in almost every possible way except for intercourse! Just because you haven't had intercourse doesn't mean you can't have sex in other ways. Heavy petting and oral ... yeah, you definitely had sex!


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Many people, myself included, equate sex with intercourse. Everything else is just foreplay / fooling around.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I know heart break is the worst, I've been through it many times. The key is giving yourself time to heal. It will numb eventually (I say this because I'm not sure if I ever actually got over something.)


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## TX boy (Apr 26, 2006)

Inturmal said:


> Many people, myself included, equate sex with intercourse. Everything else is just foreplay / fooling around.


Well if I was "fooling around" with a girl's privates and she was fooling around with mine, and we were giving each other oral ... I wouldn't consider that to be two people playing a game of footsies. I would equate something SO intimate to be out-and-out sex!

Intercourse is not much more of a sex act than what I just described. Do you know there's a possibility a girl can get pregnant through non-intercourse sex? It may not be quite as likely, but it is a possibility.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

TX boy said:


> Inturmal said:
> 
> 
> > Many people, myself included, equate sex with intercourse. Everything else is just foreplay / fooling around.
> ...


im gonna hafta disagree with you here. i have never heard anyone consider touching to be sex. if someone asks you if you had sex with someone they almost always mean intercourse. nobody says "wow i had the best sex last night with my girlfriend. i cant wait til we actually have intercourse."

i hope i dont sound like a jerk but having sex means intercourse not heavy petting. and just because a girl may be able to get pregnant through it doesnt make it sex either. i can think of a few examples that you wouldnt even consider to be sex.

back to the original topic.. im sorry to hear about that. i had my heart broke by the girl i lost my virginity to and it was horrible. i couldnt stop thinking about her and i felt like we were meant to be and that no other girl could make me feel that way. fortunately, i was wrong. it really does just take time. and i think its important to remember that there are plenty of other good guys out there(i know it sounds cliche but lettin yourself get that hung up over him will just make it harder for you to move on). it took me awhile but looking back i feel like i was just being foolish in believing what i did about me and my ex.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Gumaro said:


> free thinker said:
> 
> 
> > NightinGale said:
> ...


Petting is sexual fondling....fondling breasts and genitals but without actually making skin to skin contact with the genitals.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Laicos said:


> im gonna hafta disagree with you here. i have never heard anyone consider touching to be sex. if someone asks you if you had sex with someone they almost always mean intercourse. nobody says "wow i had the best sex last night with my girlfriend. i cant wait til we actually have intercourse."
> 
> i hope i dont sound like a jerk but having sex means intercourse not heavy petting. and just because a girl may be able to get pregnant through it doesnt make it sex either. i can think of a few examples that you wouldnt even consider to be sex.


Yes, the term "having sex" has become equated with having sexual intercourse. However, petting, ejaculating your partner, anal sex and oral sex are all sexual activities. Otherwise, why would it be considered so offensive to do this things in public or in front of friends or family?


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

A person loses their virginity when they have sex, not when they give/get a handjob/bj. Yes, those are sexual acts, but it's not "SEX" until the penis goes into the vagina.

Sorry your thread got derailed, NightinGale. Heartbreak is rough stuff. :hug


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Inturmal said:


> A person loses their virginity when they have sex, not when they give/get a handjob/bj. Yes, those are sexual acts, but it's not "SEX" until the penis goes into the vagina.
> 
> Sorry your thread got derailed, NightinGale. Heartbreak is rough stuff. :hug


so lesbians remain virgins for life?


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Gumaro said:


> so lesbians remain virgins for life?


Homosexuals might not have the same definition of what's considered sex. 
Anyway, from my straight-male point of view, I didn't lose my virginity (have sex) until I had intercourse.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Inturmal said:


> A person loses their virginity when they have sex, not when they give/get a handjob/bj. Yes, those are sexual acts, but it's not "SEX" until the penis goes into the vagina.
> 
> Sorry your thread got derailed, NightinGale. Heartbreak is rough stuff. :hug


Haha, it's okay. I'm getting a kick out of reading your posts. And thank you sooooo much for the kind words everyone. It really does help to know that other people have been where I am now and have moved on.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Gumaro said:


> Inturmal said:
> 
> 
> > A person loses their virginity when they have sex, not when they give/get a handjob/bj. Yes, those are sexual acts, but it's not "SEX" until the penis goes into the vagina.
> ...


 :thanks That's ANOTHER great point by one of the intelligent members here at the forum! That example just goes to show -- you don't have to have intercourse to have sex.

Oh well, it doesn't matter that much to me. The way may life has been (and is still going), I'll never be in a position to experience it anyway. :sigh

Lifetimer


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Lifetimer said:


> Oh well, it doesn't matter that much to me. The way may life has been (and is still going), I'll never be in a position to experience it anyway. :sigh
> 
> Lifetimer


 :hug never say never


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## Fireflylight (Sep 2, 2004)

:hug Nightingale


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Okay, y'all here's another update.

I went out with my ex tonight because I sorely needed some closure. In short: things went very very well and I got what I needed, heard what I needed to hear, and I'm feeling satisfied right now. Thanks for all the kind words everyone!


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

That's good. A lot of times there is no closure which just leaves one feeling worse.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

NightinGale said:


> Okay, y'all here's another update.
> 
> I went out with my ex tonight because I sorely needed some closure. In short: things went very very well and I got what I needed, heard what I needed to hear, and I'm feeling satisfied right now. Thanks for all the kind words everyone!


thats good to hear. im glad things worked out for you in the end.



free thinker said:


> Laicos said:
> 
> 
> > im gonna hafta disagree with you here. i have never heard anyone consider touching to be sex. if someone asks you if you had sex with someone they almost always mean intercourse. nobody says "wow i had the best sex last night with my girlfriend. i cant wait til we actually have intercourse."
> ...


the reason its innappropriate to do in front of your friends or family is pretty apparent isnt it? you dont masterbate in front of them either and masterbation is by no means the same as having sex.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Laicos said:


> NightinGale said:
> 
> 
> > Okay, y'all here's another update.
> ...


There's a disturbing thought...maybe some people are into that though. *cringes*


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Laicos said:


> the reason its innappropriate to do in front of your friends or family is pretty apparent isnt it? you dont masterbate in front of them either and masterbation is by no means the same as having sex.


It seems you've missed the point. Those activities are inappropriate to do in front of friends and family because they are *sexual* in nature. Similarly you don't masturbate in front of others because it is also a sexual activity.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

free thinker said:


> Laicos said:
> 
> 
> > the reason its innappropriate to do in front of your friends or family is pretty apparent isnt it? you dont masterbate in front of them either and masterbation is by no means the same as having sex.
> ...


i beleive you are the one who has missed the point. i know that masturbation is a sexual act. so are alll of the other activities mentioned such a oral sex, anal sex, etc. if all you are trying to say is that those are sexual activities then im not trying to disagree with you. if you are trying to say that those activites are considered to be sex then i am. the original argument i was arguing was that NightinGale didnt didnt have sex with the guy. she said she didnt and then people starting saying yea, you had sex, you were petting and whatnot. i was just saying is that petting, fondling, oral sex and all that is not the same as having sex. so i think you kinda shifted in your idea of what i was trying to say.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Laicos said:


> i beleive you are the one who has missed the point. i know that masturbation is a sexual act. so are alll of the other activities mentioned such a oral sex, anal sex, etc. if all you are trying to say is that those are sexual activities then im not trying to disagree with you. if you are trying to say that those activites are considered to be sex then i am. the original argument i was arguing was that NightinGale didnt didnt have sex with the guy. so i think you kinda shifted in your idea of what i was trying to say.


I believe I've made my point very clear and consistent from the onset. Here's what I said. "Yes, the term "having sex" has become equated with having sexual intercourse. However, petting, ejaculating your partner, anal sex and oral sex are all sexual activities."

Although sex is most often defined as sexual intercourse it has also been defined as "sexually motivated phenomena or behavior." Doesn't it seem odd to engage in something termed "anal sex" or "oral sex" and then not consider it engaging in sex?

So when someone says they didn't "have sex" with someone it suggests to many (if not you), that they didn't engage in ANY sexual activity.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

free thinker said:


> So when someone says they didn't "have sex" with someone it suggests to many (if not you), that they didn't have ANY sex with that person or didn't engage in ANY sexual activity.


..which is why people usually need to be more specific. "Having sex" is intercourse for probably the vast majority of people, especially younger people. But it really only matters when two people in a relationship are discussing their past, or you're talking to a doctor, etc.

I wouldn't want to be a virgin's "number 37". :| (that's a Clerks reference, for those that don't know)


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Lifetimer said:


> free thinker said:
> 
> 
> > Although sex is most often defined as sexual intercourse it has also been defined as "sexually motivated phenomena or behavior." Doesn't it seem odd to engage in something termed "anal sex" or "oral sex" and then not consider it engaging in sex?
> ...


doesnt seem like i am gonna get too much support here, but i still think that for one to actually lose their virginity and have sex, they have to actually experience sexual intercourse. the only way i have ever heard of a girl being a known virgin is if her hymen is intact (which i know isnt very reliable).

i just dont see or know of any people that consider the first time they recieved oral sex to be the first time they had sex. it may be because i am younger and that ideas of sex have changed from what they used to be. i actually know girls who have been with a guy who "stuck it in but couldnt keep it up" and they dont consider that sex.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Laicos said:


> i still think that for one to actually lose their virginity and have sex, they have to actually experience sexual intercourse. the only way i have ever heard of a girl being a known virgin is if her hymen is intact (which i know isnt very reliable).


For many, including myself, what constitutes "having sex" has little to do with losing one's virginity and more to do with participating in what society has (legally) classified as a sexual activity or sex act. Sorry for sounding so repetitious but the point about it being a sex act, can't be stressed enough.



> i just dont see or know of any people that consider the first time they recieved oral sex to be the first time they had sex. it may be because i am younger and that ideas of sex have changed from what they used to be. i actually know girls who have been with a guy who "stuck it in but couldnt keep it up" and they dont consider that sex.


From what you're telling me, the day may come for some (if it is not here already), when "having sex" only means both parties having simultaneous orgasms during sexual intercourse.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

NightinGale said:


> If you read or have read my thread "2nd Base" you'll know that I was dating a guy that I was crazy about. I never let myself become too crazy over a guy, but...something happened without me knowing it and I guess I really fell for this one. I can't say I "loved" him, but...I cared alot about him and in time I probably could have loved him, but we only dated two months. Anyways, I saw him tonight at a party and it really brought back all the feelings and he's already sleeping with another girl and seeing him act so unaffected, even when we're alone and talking, absolutely breaks my heart. I feel so cheated. All I wanted to be was a good girlfriend and a good person and I get my heart perfectly broken by a wonderful guy who gets to curl up to a new warm body at night while I sleep alone. And for the record, I have dated since the break up, a mere three weeks ago, but I don't feel the "spark" with this new guy that I did with my ex.


Something that I'm sure we all realize but don't think much about is the fact we look at our situation and focus on it. You're heart broken that you lost a guy you really liked. I was heart-broken when I determined I'd be alone forever but I found the cure, unfortunately if I put it in a book it would never sell, lol. Both your scenario and mind involved feeling sadness. Some people would give anything to reach the point that you reached while you on the otherhand may be wishing it never happened. This will probably piss you off but I'll say it anyway. Be happy with your given situation. Sure it could be better but it could be worse. Realize it's all a part of life. Life goes on. Don't dwell because dwelling on it will only waste precious seconds of your existence on this earth. Move to the next event. Also not to make decisions for you but if you have no feelings "spark" with this new guy and you've been dating over 3 weeks I'd say let him know how you feel and make it a friendship or break it off completely. Why fake love? So that you'll fit into some societal mold that says you are a normal because you're in a relationship?

Every so often I realize I fall into traps of the cultural norm and feel pressure that I don't fit in the cultural norm. Then I realize how f'd up our society is and care a whole lot less about their pressures. As f'd up as I am I feel our society is more f'd up than I am.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

So where does arousal fall in this whole back and forth sex talk?


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

If you're aroused, you've obviously had sex. Duh.

I agree with Laicos honestly, though I know there are other ways people define sex and that's fine, but technically intercourse is when the penis enters the vagina. I can climax from masturbation, but that doesn't mean I've just had sex.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: heart broken*



free thinker said:


> From what you're telling me, the day may come for some (if it is not here already), when "having sex" only means both parties having simultaneous orgasms during sexual intercourse.


HAHA I wish. Fact is, most women can't orgasm from just having intercourse. It kinda pisses me off because a guy is gonna get off regardless. I enjoy the act because it feels good, but I don't get off from it.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Strange Religion said:


> If you're aroused, you've obviously had sex. Duh.


 Actually, that's not true. People are often aroused without having sex. It's safe to say there are many, many male (and females too I'm sure but I won't speak for them) virgins (and of course non-virgins)who are aroused on a regular basis but don't have sex. There are many definitions of arousal, none of them suggesting a sexual act is required. The most pertinent definition of arousal is "sexual excitement" or "a physiological readiness for sex."



> technically intercourse is when the penis enters the vagina. I can climax from masturbation, but that doesn't mean I've just had sex.


Yes, intercourse is when the penis enters the vagina (and an orgasm/ejaculation occurs), no one has disputed that. However, the discussion was not about the term "intercourse" it was about the phrase "having sex." Like Laicos, you are equating the two.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: heart broken*



free thinker said:


> [quote="Strange Religion":9b254]If you're aroused, you've obviously had sex. Duh.


 Actually, that's not true. People are often aroused without having sex. It's safe to say there are many, many male (and females too I'm sure but I won't speak for them) virgins (and of course non-virgins)who are aroused on a regular basis but don't have sex. There are many definitions of arousal, none of them suggesting a sexual act is required. The most pertinent definition of arousal is "sexual excitement" or "a physiological readiness for sex." 
[/quote:9b254]

I was joking, but thanks.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Strange Religion said:


> [quote="free thinker":59f4f][quote="Strange Religion":59f4f]If you're aroused, you've obviously had sex. Duh.


 Actually, that's not true. People are often aroused without having sex. It's safe to say there are many, many male (and females too I'm sure but I won't speak for them) virgins (and of course non-virgins)who are aroused on a regular basis but don't have sex. There are many definitions of arousal, none of them suggesting a sexual act is required. The most pertinent definition of arousal is "sexual excitement" or "a physiological readiness for sex." 
[/quote:59f4f]

I was joking, but thanks.[/quote:59f4f]
Oops. You just never know. That why I like emoticons and jk.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

I see your viewpoint on the whole thing, but if someone told me they had sex, I would assume they mean intercourse, unless they specify it was just oral or whatever else.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

scairy said:


> Something that I'm sure we all realize but don't think much about is the fact we look at our situation and focus on it. You're heart broken that you lost a guy you really liked. I was heart-broken when I determined I'd be alone forever but I found the cure, unfortunately if I put it in a book it would never sell, lol. Both your scenario and mind involved feeling sadness. Some people would give anything to reach the point that you reached while you on the otherhand may be wishing it never happened. This will probably @#%$ you off but I'll say it anyway. Be happy with your given situation. Sure it could be better but it could be worse. Realize it's all a part of life. Life goes on. Don't dwell because dwelling on it will only waste precious seconds of your existence on this earth. Move to the next event. Also not to make decisions for you but if you have no feelings "spark" with this new guy and you've been dating over 3 weeks I'd say let him know how you feel and make it a friendship or break it off completely. Why fake love? So that you'll fit into some societal mold that says you are a normal because you're in a relationship?
> 
> Every so often I realize I fall into traps of the cultural norm and feel pressure that I don't fit in the cultural norm. Then I realize how f'd up our society is and care a whole lot less about their pressures. As f'd up as I am I feel our society is more f'd up than I am.


I'm happy I met my ex--he was a wonderful boyfriend and taught me alot. The heartache is a b*tch, but I never said I regretted anything. And I broke it off with the new guy after our second date. And I like dating/getting ready for dates/meeting new people so that's why I like to date, not b/c I'm trying to fit into society's mold.

And UPDATE--That girl I thought he was sleeping with...he isn't sleeping with her! They're not even dating. She was just crashing at his house b/c she was having problems with her boyfriend. Schweet. And he's been calling me up lately and telling me he misses me. I miss him like hell, too, but it's better if we're apart for this summer. Ah well.

But you're right, Scairy, dwelling doesn't do much for anyone. I should move on.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!! New New Update! 
So my ex stopped over before leaving for the summer (he has a job in the next state where he's nearly isolated from everyone). He told me after getting extremely drunk last night, he blacked out, and his best friend, Tom, took care of him. Apparently, Tom said that John (my ex) was spouting how "I f*cked up, I **** everything up." And then John told me, "And I was saying how I f*cked up things with you." I told him no, he didn't. He made the right decision to end things. He said, "but I still feel like I f*cked things up with you." I told him it would only be three months and we'll see what the summer brings.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Strange Religion said:


> If you're aroused, you've obviously had sex. Duh.
> 
> I agree with Laicos honestly, though I know there are other ways people define sex and that's fine, but technically intercourse is when the penis enters the vagina. I can climax from masturbation, but that doesn't mean I've just had sex.


wooo! got a little support. :boogie haha



free thinker said:


> Laicos said:
> 
> 
> > i still think that for one to actually lose their virginity and have sex, they have to actually experience sexual intercourse. the only way i have ever heard of a girl being a known virgin is if her hymen is intact (which i know isnt very reliable).
> ...


all i am saying is that what you may consider sex may not be considered sex by people that are younger than you. sex is not as taboo as it used to be and so people's ideas on sex have obviously changed too. and im sorry but just because it legally constitutes sex doesnt mean anything to me. having sex means sexual intercourse in my book and in the opinions of most people i know. just because oral sex is a "sex act" doesnt mean its the same as having sex. i guess niether of us will be able to win this debate since its just a matter of opinion but speaking from experience, if someone asks if you want to have sex they mean intercourse.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: heart broken*



NightinGale said:


> OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!! New New Update!
> So my ex stopped over before leaving for the summer (he has a job in the next state where he's nearly isolated from everyone). He told me after getting extremely drunk last night, he blacked out, and his best friend, Tom, took care of him. Apparently, Tom said that John (my ex) was spouting how "I f*cked up, I **** everything up." And then John told me, "And I was saying how I f*cked up things with you." I told him no, he didn't. He made the right decision to end things. He said, "but I still feel like I f*cked things up with you." I told him it would only be three months and we'll see what the summer brings.


sounds like things are looking up for you. time could be a good thing too. i left for a month and when i got back me and my GF got together so well.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Strange Religion said:


> That's good. A lot of times there is no closure which just leaves one feeling worse.


Strange Religion, that exactly described my situation with this girl I was absolutely crazy for, about a couple of years ago at my former workplace. Even though this girl and I never dated, she knew I was crazy about her. The guys there thought I was obsessed with her. lol. No, I wasn't stalking her or anything like that, but I did constantly think of her. Anyway, to make a long story short and without going into a lot of details, she basically treated me terrible. It got to the point where I confronted her and told her how hurt I was by her actions. I was expecting her to say something like, "Well if I somehow made you feel bad, then I'm sorry." However, she didn't even offer a hint of apology. Instead, she said she did nothing wrong and claimed we were "friends". What a joke! If we were "friends" then she would of offered at least some form of apology.

The next day I quit my job, and everyone there (about 10 people - it was a small company) knew why. I was in SO much pain for the next year and a half - basically to the point of depression. About six months after I quit, I was in so much pain that I felt I needed some sort of closure. So, I called my former workplace under the premise that I wanted to talk to a guy there who I was friends with while I was there. Since she was the receptionist, I knew she would answer the phone. When she answered the phone, I told her I wanted to talk to "John", but then I said "But first, how are things going there?" I got into some small talk and then told her I had a serious question. I asked her about a specific thing she did that hurt me and why she did it. She stuttered and talked around it without giving much of an explanation - and no apology. All I wanted was an apology. That's what I still was hoping for. However, even though she knew I was hurt the day I quit - and that it was because of her that I quit - she STILL did not apologize in any shape or form when she had a chance while I was on the phone. If she would've have apologized or at least gave some sort of decent explanation, then there would've been closure and the pain would've stopped right then and there. Instead, the pain went on every day for another year after that ... about a year and a half total. Over the past 6 months the pain has gradually subsided. I am no longer at the point of depression, but it is something I guess will stay with me forever - if only as a bad memory.

So my point in all this is that you are correct, Ashley. Closure is VERY important. Without it, the pain just stays. With it, we get our questions answered and the situation rectified, and then we can move on. I never got the closure - or the apology which would have gave me the closure - and I obviously never will with this case. I'll just have to somehow chalk it up as a learning experience.

But, I'm certainly glad to hear NightnGale got closure. This may sound silly, but in hearing a story of someone (NightnGale) getting closure, it somehow makes me feel there is a tiny part of me that has the feeling of getting some closure also. I guess it's just the act of visualizing closure happening that makes me feel good.

I know, I got problems. :lol

Lifetimer


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Oh Lifetimer! :hug I'm glad you say the pain is subsiding and I hope it does.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

*Re: re: heart broken*



NightinGale said:


> Oh Lifetimer! :hug I'm glad you say the pain is subsiding and I hope it does.


Thanks NightnGale. You're one of the classy people here at this forum. :squeeze

Lifetimer


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

That really sucks. People don't realize how much their actions can really **** someone up, even worse is when they don't care at all.
Weeks ago, I basically got played by a guy I was crazy about. We saw eachother again after a year or so, had a great time, then I never heard from the [email protected] again. It amazes me how one could be so cold, especially when he said "I hope to see you soon". I could've cursed him the **** out or asked him what his problem is, but I decided I don't want to give the prick the satisfaction of knowing I'm upset. He's dead to me now. I'll just have to give myself some sort of closure by moving on. Anyway, I'm sorry that happened.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: heart broken*



Laicos said:


> all i am saying is that what you may consider sex may not be considered sex by people that are younger than you. sex is not as taboo as it used to be and so people's ideas on sex have obviously changed too. and im sorry but just because it legally constitutes sex doesnt mean anything to me. having sex means sexual intercourse in my book and in the opinions of most people i know. just because oral sex is a "sex act" doesnt mean its the same as having sex. i guess niether of us will be able to win this debate since its just a matter of opinion but speaking from experience, if someone asks if you want to have sex they mean intercourse.


That's how I look at it...and usually people, well me and my friends will make it clear if we got oral, etc. We're very descriptive that way. Other than that, when we tell eachother we had sex, that means intercourse. Period.


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