# Women "hate" me and think I'm creepy



## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

First of all, please try not to judge me too much as this forum is supposed to be accepting and non-judgemental. Given my age (an adult) I am very embarrassed that I still have the same awkward thoughts and feelings that *some* (a minority) boys might have when they're only 13-15 and in high school about the opposite gender (the whole 'scared and shy to talk to girls' crap except now I'm an adult so they're not really 'girls') though in my case it's not entirely anxiety or to be analyzed from my side of the fence, but my problem is the way females react to me and treat me. As someone who lacks social skills and can be very awkward and off-putting, I think I can sometimes make people of both genders cringe, especially people who do not know me very well, however, with females it goes to a whole new level. I don't know what it is, but ever since around high school females have been very comfortable around me. Not even the whole 'he's socially awkward' kind of uncomfortable but legitimately scared or threatened kind of uncomfortable, the 'he's going to put me in a back of a truck and rape me' kind of uncomfortable. I'm not guessing based on the *very obvious* non-verbal signals, but by things that have been said by them to me and their actions towards me (the most extreme incident being the one time some girl threatened to pepper spray me and call the police if I don't "leave her alone" even though in my opinion I was doing nothing wrong). I don't think it's entirely attributable to being socially awkward or shy since there were other guys like that and although females sure as hell didn't find them as appealing, they didn't exactly treat them as some rapist. Even with strangers, I've seen females start walking very fast or crossing the other side of the street if I'm walking behind them, or staring at me nervously as I approach them from opposite ends and then immediately walking inside the convenience store or something 'for safety' (given how many times these things have happened don't tell me 'it's just a coincidence'. Maybe a few times it really was a coincidence but I'm sure many times it was legitimately being creeped out.) I really don't know why I get treated like the bad guy with the creepy label. I am not a sexual offender, nor do I have any bad intentions, except for a few fantasies (but I'll never act upon them and let's admit who doesn't have a secret fantasy or two?) I'm not so bad as a person either, so why do females get really uncomfortable around me so fast?

Does anyone relate to this or understand why women would get scared or creeped out or repulsed by someone so fast if they're not really a rapist? Can it really be facial features alone (really low-trust face)? What kind of outward behaviour will make them creeped out or repulsed?

I asked this question once on Yahoo! Answers and had to delete it because people were judgemental and made fun of me and were generally unhelpful, so hopefully I'll get better responses on this forum. I feel extremely insecure asking this question so don't be too judgemental. This isn't really a question but I just want to vent out since I had an incident today that really made me way more insecure than I already am.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

Have you ever thought about the way you carry/present yourself?


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

GGTFM said:


> Have you ever thought about the way you carry/present yourself?


Funny enough, I think I over-estimated my intelligence and social awareness to the point that now I'm realizing that there are probably serious problems with how I carry myself but I actually don't realize because my ability to understand what's socially acceptable and how to properly behave yourself is much worse than I thought. I'm not even sure sometimes if what I do or say is normal or not. But don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy or extremely autistic, it's not like I randomly walk up to them and start touching their breasts or something. I at least know that that would be totally inappropriate.


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## selfloathingregular (Aug 14, 2015)

For a girl to threaten to use pepper spray you must have really made her feel uncomfortable. You seem analytical, you know better than us how you appear to others. Just play it safe and don't do anything which can be misinterpreted as threatening behaviour.

In NYC while on vacation, I sat in a restaurant eating my breakfast. Then, a couple entered the restaurant and sat at the table which was located on my immediate right, very close. I feel tense but continue to eat my breakfast, I look only once in their direction. They seem to be talking enthusiastically about something and as they do so I feel more and more self-conscious, anxious and miserable. I see just before they get up and leave they kind of dust down their table with their hands in my direction, not at me, but off the table.

I got vibes they were communicating their disdain for me because I felt they perceived me to be disdainful of them in some way, through my demeanour. However, that is just the discomfort I feel, it manifests itself in me appearing to be dismissive of others. 

It kind of upsets me that I tend to offend others just by feeling uncomfortable.

Seeing as I didn't know the couple and wasn't a part of their conversation I had nothing to do with them but my demeanour appears to be so strong it can even upset people I am trying my very best not to offend, but my anxiety and tense feelings show in a negative way and it seems to alienate people.

I speak clearly so people must assume that I am deliberately being negative but they don't realize I don't have what it takes to sound or look interested/excited. I tend to look serious/stern.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Funny enough, I think I over-estimated my intelligence and social awareness to the point that now I'm realizing that there are probably serious problems with how I carry myself but I actually don't realize because my ability to understand what's socially acceptable and how to properly behave yourself is much worse than I thought. I'm not even sure sometimes if what I do or say is normal or not. But don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy or extremely autistic, it's not like I randomly walk up to them and start touching their breasts or something. I at least know that that would be totally inappropriate.


If you're able to, you mind telling me exactly how it is that you carry yourself? Keep in mind that doing this requires self analyzation, which in turn means that you need to be completely honest with yourself. With that being said; when we face the truth of ourselves, we often keep it to ourselves out of fear for what others may think. So I just want you to know that you don't have to worry about any judgement from me, no matter how repulsive you may find yourself.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Probably your face and the way you walk. Try to walk around with a smile, even when people who make you socially anxious get close. That's the crucial part.

Next time a woman is scared of you, take a mental note of the expression on your face you had at the time, and your body language. Now go in front of a mirror and take a picture of you and post it on this forum and we can give you feedback.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

GGTFM said:


> If you're able to, you mind telling me exactly how it is that you carry yourself? Keep in mind that doing this requires self analyzation, which in turn means that you need to be completely honest with yourself. With that being said; when we face the truth of ourselves, we often keep it to ourselves out of fear for what others may think. So I just want you to know that you don't have to worry about any judgement from me, no matter how repulsive you may find yourself.


Just walking around? Quite normally, I'd like to think, I just walk on the street in public like any other human being. Don't wear any weird or highly unfashionable clothing, hair is short and washed clean shaven or little facial hair. Occasionally I do feel uncomfortable or awkward in some situations, but I try not to let that manifest itself outwardly through body language or facial expression. My face might blush or something but let's face it nobody goes "oh my god his face is red, he's gonna hurt me". So before we talk about my interactions with people, there are no red flags in my opinion. I walk pretty normally, head down when I think about something, otherwise normal straight posture looking straight ahead.
Talking to people...oh god, I don't know where to begin on this. I feel really damn autistic even though I've never been diagnosed (a psychiatrist once literally told me that I _don't_ have autism and that he doesn't see any symptoms) because I'm not sure what to say and how to act in social situations and conversations and what's appropriate and what's not (except for the things that are very obvious, like asking someone about sex or saying things that are completely off-topic and have no relevance to the conversation). If I take the 'don't say anything and stay away from people' I obviously won't say or do anything that is socially unacceptable but then I can't go around living my life as some hermit. If I be real, be myself and don't try to censor myself too much and just say what's on my mind, eventually I end up offending people or weirding people out. I feel like a 10 year old as I write this post even though I'm a f-ing adult. I just don't seem to have the same social intuition that most people (as in 99%) seem to have and everything that I understand about what's ok and not ok derives either from observations, experience or logic. OK, I know that's obvious, but even at my age I don't get a lot of the basic fundamentals of social interactions and how to be a normal person. And when I ask my normal family members (I'm the only non-normal in my family so that's pretty much all of them) how to be a normal person they think my question is stupid and either don't answer it or give me a short one sentence answer that doesn't help at all.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

selfloathingregular said:


> For a girl to threaten to use pepper spray you must have really made her feel uncomfortable. You seem analytical, you know better than us how you appear to others. Just play it safe and don't do anything which can be misinterpreted as threatening behaviour.
> 
> In NYC while on vacation, I sat in a restaurant eating my breakfast. Then, a couple entered the restaurant and sat at the table which was located on my immediate right, very close. I feel tense but continue to eat my breakfast, I look only once in their direction. They seem to be talking enthusiastically about something and as they do so I feel more and more self-conscious, anxious and miserable. I see just before they get up and leave they kind of dust down their table with their hands in my direction, not at me, but off the table.
> 
> ...


You know, I probably did something to make her feel uncomfortable. I'm sure it's my fault and I accept it, and perhaps I should feel ashamed or guilty even though I don't feel that way at all since in my opinion I wasn't doing anything wrong. That's the whole problem, I seem to have a hard time telling what's ok and what's not ok in social situations, what's normal and what not. You said I should know better. You're right, I _should _know better. But that doesn't mean I do. I don't. I am not saying that I am exempt from the same responsibilities that everyone else has, and I accept the consequences for the things I do, it's probably my fault at least 80% of the time. I'm just very socially inept and socially retarded and have a very hard understanding people and social situations. I'm like a person with very bad vision - there is absolutely nothing wrong with them and they are just like any other person, but as soon as their glasses go off they have a hard time seeing what most people can easily see without any glasses. My social skills are like the eyes of someone who is visually impaired.

That NYC restaurant story? Very relevant, but not new to me. I know exactly that it has something to do with the signals I'm sending or the general vibe I give off, I just don't know why some reactions to me can be so extreme or that I can be hated by people that much especially since I'm not a very hate-able person. (Are people reacting to perceived hostility coming from me? Maybe, maybe not, though I'm not sure what I'm doing to give it off) Yeah, I'm not perfect at all but I'm not freaking public enemy #1!

Trust me though, I'm not analytical at all. The way I write online (little to no spelling errors or grammar mistakes) makes me seem smarter than I really am, especially since many people write quite sloppily on the Internet.


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Does anyone relate to this or understand why women would get scared or creeped out or repulsed by someone so fast *if they're not really a rapist?*


Hey bro, you ever rape anyone?

Not really bro. lol


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## selfloathingregular (Aug 14, 2015)

OP - I think you are way too harsh on yourself. Many people in life cannot spell or use the correct grammar so you are intelligent. It sounds like being extra self-conscious is getting you down. Try to learn what is appropriate/inappropriate socially. Try youtube they usually have videos on this kind of thing.

Be reasonable like me....I believe no woman will ever love me.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

There's also some default fear or disdain people get of others when they're doing something alone. It stinks but since many wouldn't choose to do most things alone, they can project a deviance onto those they see alone.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Many women use the word "creep" quite loosely.
Maybe you are coming on a little strongly.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

My biggest question is how big are you? 

If you are a large person or are "built" well then yeah, it's human nature for women in particularly to be a little scared if they are alone with you. 

Also, there may be something with your appearance, like if you look like one of those bad boy biker guys with a cut off sleeves and tattoos everywhere, that could scare some chicks. 

With all that said, all guys have had your experience with women. It is natural for some women to fear men, it's ingrained in their brains to protect themselves from possible harm. 

It's because in any muggings it's often a guy mugging a woman. So yeah, if they are alone with a guy they don't know, it's a possibility therefore a rational fear.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

skyisblue said:


> My biggest question is how big are you?
> 
> If you are a large person or are "built" well then yeah, it's human nature for women in particularly to be a little scared if they are alone with you.
> 
> ...


Not big at all. 6 feet tall (a bit taller than average) but with an average and ectomorphic build. I'm not built at all muscle wise.
I don't do anything with my appearance that would make me intimidating. Normal short hair that's washed when in public, minimal facial hair, normal clothing, no tattoos or anything else that should give off the wrong vibe. Physically, I've mentioned that I have a really low-trust face. Facially, I sure as hell don't look like someone you'd take a ride from or hire as a babysitter to be alone with your kids.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

bump


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

*Delayed Adolescence*

Join the club.
When I was 13-15, in my teen years and in college and in my early 20s, I had girlfriends, some close friends, and almost married a couple of times but my SA got so bad that I withdrew, became a hermit, and now that I am supposed adult, I have the awkwardness and social anxieties of a 13 year old, an adolescent. When I was an adolescent and a teenager I did not have the self doubt that I do now as an adult.

Adolescence is hard in your old age !


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## Prince Adrian (Sep 11, 2014)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> Even with strangers, I've seen females start walking very fast or crossing the other side of the street if I'm walking behind them, or staring at me nervously as I approach them from opposite ends and then immediately walking inside the convenience store or something 'for safety' (given how many times these things have happened don't tell me 'it's just a coincidence'. Maybe a few times it really was a coincidence but I'm sure many times it was legitimately being creeped out.) I really don't know why I get treated like the bad guy with the creepy label.
> 
> Can it really be facial features alone (really low-trust face)? What kind of outward behaviour will make them creeped out or repulsed?


I've got a very alert survival instinct since childhood and most of the time this is rarely mistaken. If I sense something "icky", "not right", or just plain "mismatching" to my personality I decide to trust this feeling and take action firstly based on these judgements (say, RUN!).. until it's proven otherwise.

We can't really know who someone really is by just reading what they think via forums like your statements here claiming that you've got no bad intentions etc. People are not just their conscious thoughts but also the (accumulation of) whole physical & emotional presence that can attract or repel certain kind of people.

Even though you're not a bad guy, if you've got some hidden mental-talks of "I'm must be a creep. I'm a creep, I'm such a creep!" would also add to your whole 'energy'/presence. And too bad most people are not saints with unconditional love & understanding ready to actively share to every underdog, so each of us rely on our safety first - which means going away as far as possible from (what we each perceive) the negatives.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

vicente said:


> Probably your face and the way you walk. Try to walk around with a smile, even when people who make you socially anxious get close. That's the crucial part.
> 
> Next time a woman is scared of you, take a mental note of the expression on your face you had at the time, and your body language. Now go in front of a mirror and take a picture of you and post it on this forum and we can give you feedback.


There's actually something that women complain of too, called "resting ***** face". Where their natural expression looks cold and unapproachable so people think they're angry when they're not.


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

It's possible that you're body language or speech or something is portraying something you're not really aware of. That wouldbe my best guess. I think it's sometimes hard for people to be entirely aware how they're presenting themselves according to other people, and I think anxiety makes it even harder to do it.

Almost every single time I meet someone new and know them for a bit, they'll always admit that they thought I hated them when we first met. I know I'm awkward, but I'm never aware that I'm giving off that vibe to people. It's entirely unintentional. My best guess is that this is something similar.

The best suggestion I have is talking to people who know you and have observed your behavior. Ask them if they have any clue why girls react that way, and they may be able to point out specific things you do (maybe that you haven't even noticed) that could be the source of it.


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## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

Skeletra said:


> Many women use the word "creep" quite loosely.


 I was thinking the exact same thing - it is such an overused word these days. Listening to some of the girls at my work talk about guys, it would seem about half the world's male population is "creepy".


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

How about the people out there improve their behavior huh?
We have it ****ing hard enough already with worrying how people perceive us and now we should feel guilty of our allegedly inappropriate behavior?
Man, give me a break.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

vicente said:


> Probably your face and the way you walk. Try to walk around with a smile, even when people who make you socially anxious get close. That's the crucial part.
> 
> Next time a woman is scared of you, take a mental note of the expression on your face you had at the time, and your body language. Now go in front of a mirror and take a picture of you and post it on this forum and we can give you feedback.


I think that is good advice and probably true.

feeling bad or anxious causes thins like a.facial frown... and that makes for angry it hostile look. its a hard habit to get out of...
but I think I managed to.

another one is pulling the shoulders in....
a self defense thing when you feel tense....but it may may make a person look a bit threatening. again.... its a habit you may not even be aware your doing....and it takes time and practice to get out of..... so there's a couple of body language things that are caused by nerves or anxious that could possibly cause the person to appear to look threatening


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