# Anyone ever use meetup.com?



## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

One of my goals for this year is to try to go to one of these meetups...but im nervous. In San Diego, my city, there are literally thousands of groups; I keep scrolling down and they don't stop appearing. So that's already kind of overwhelming.

The groups that are called something along the lines of '20s and 30s socialites' with thousands of members and descriptions like 'It may be difficult for us to let in new members as we don't want to ruin the dynamic of the group we already have' are ESPECIALLY intimidating. 

I feel like in a lot of these groups people will either already know each other or they will be a lot better at whatever the interest/hobby is than me (im a beginner at almost everything). 

So my question is, how would you guys go about joining or attending one of these meetups? What would you choose? The youth socializing group that go to bars and stuff, some type of hobby or interest, a group that looks like they have non-intimidating members? a group that's small? or big? one that tours your city? or one where you sit in one place and talk? There are so many options for san diego im very overwhelmed and I just don't know how the whole thing works yet. Do you all meet up at a certain location and say 'hey are you guys from meetup.com'? Is it easy to lose them or do they have a roster or something to keep track of everyone? lol Can anyone shed some light or give advice?


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Never.


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## Lonelygirl29 (Sep 29, 2014)

One of my goals this year is to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, so I would also love to know if anyone has experiences of meetup to share.


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## knownasray (Apr 3, 2009)

I joined a couple of Meetup groups last year. Initially, the search for a group was completely overwhelming. What I did was narrow down the search to groups that genuinely interested me and that had events that were of a smaller scale (around 10 people).

The first group was a volunteer group (about 300 members) that would get together, prepare a bunch of food (soup, chili, sandwiches, cookies, etc) and head out downtown to hand out to the homeless. The logistics for this Meetup was pretty simple as we just meet at the organizer’s apartment, prep food there and head downtown together. I was nervous as hell the first event. It did help, however, that everyone I met at the event was of the same disposition, friendly, laid back and looking to help people. I’m still attending this Meetup regularly for the awesome cause and equally awesome members.

The second group I joined was a foodie group (about 500 members). We’d meet and try different restaurants around the city. The organizer would e-mail his phone number to everyone beforehand. When we arrived at the restaurant, we could then just text/call to find out where the group was meeting. Again, everyone I met was enthusiastic and friendly. Unfortunately, the organizer resigned from this group so it’s kind of dead in the water right now.

Planning on challenging myself by joining larger, less structured Meetups later this year!

Let me know if you have any questions!


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## scubadiver007 (Dec 27, 2014)

lisac1919 said:


> So my question is, how would you guys go about joining or attending one of these meetups? What would you choose? The youth socializing group that go to bars and stuff, some type of hobby or interest, a group that looks like they have non-intimidating members? a group that's small? or big? one that tours your city? or one where you sit in one place and talk? There are so many options for san diego im very overwhelmed and I just don't know how the whole thing works yet. Do you all meet up at a certain location and say 'hey are you guys from meetup.com'? Is it easy to lose them or do they have a roster or something to keep track of everyone? lol Can anyone shed some light or give advice?


The first thing is that group administrators and organisers will run a group their own way so the only way to find out is join. Meetup doesn't have to be daunting if you go about it the right way. If you don't like it then leave.

I'm a member of my local meetup group and I choose to attend events that I know I will enjoy (like ten pin bowling) or will probably enjoy (tribute bands). Small talk doesn't interest me so much so I tend not to go social events where that is the primary focus.

Also look at joining a group which will motivate you to have a specific goal in mind, something to achieve like a new year resolution. Just don't say "to have less anxiety". Say you want to learn a new skill like drawing or painting or where the pressure to be sociable is not the primary purpose.

I suggest you look at those groups that either classify themselves as "New age and spirituality" or "health and wellbeing" because they will attract few members. The meetups will have few attendees and it won't raise your stress levels. I notice in your area there are some groups that practice neurolinguistic programming (NLP) which may help. There is also mindfulness and meditation.

With those kinds of groups members will know you are nervous about doing something you've never done before so they will help you. There is no prejudice and it is all non-judgemental. Don't be worried about thinking that other members are better than you because they were all newbies once.

Then if you want to be really brave, set up a group for people who have social anxiety and see what happens.

BTW, I like Bill Hicks as well.


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## ricardo (Apr 8, 2011)

*Being active with it right now*

Lol, I just came back to this forum last night, but I've posted several times about Meetup.com between then and now, heh

I had made an account since June 27, 2011 apparently, but I hadn't been active with it really until about 2-3 months ago.

The first time I went to a meetup in 2011 I was in a group of about 30 people, and there were some regulars in there, but many new members as well.
I at the time had pretty bad agoraphobia (trouble even getting out of the house), and didn't have a driver's license, so even just getting to Irvine from Santa Ana was pretty difficult for me. 
Because of that, I only went to like 2 meetups in 3 years, hahaha
(this is the group: http://www.meetup.com/shygroup/)

Last summer though, I joined another more local group (http://www.meetup.com/Orange-County-generalized-anxiety-support-group/), and met with some people at the OC Fair.

I went out to focus on workshopping my social anxiety though, and the latter group seemed to me at the time to be less focused on that (cuz the organizer has more of health anxiety than social anxiety, and the people I met mostly had other forms of anxiety). But what made me come out less to this one at first is that I still had some agoraphobic and transportation issues, heh

So, I soon after made my own as well: http://www.meetup.com/Santa-Ana-Social-Anxiety-Support/ where I would have control over the location and focus of the meetups.

I put some meetups early on, but since at the time I only had like 2-5 members and they all seemed to live in cities kind of far away, the first meetups I hosted were a no-show, lol
That was a bit disappointing, but now I see the group has grown and keeps growing faster.
I still am kind of disorganized with my plans for meetups, tbh, but I intend to eventually set a good structure to it and work on both fun and workshop events.

I am now pretty involved with all 3 groups, and sometimes they are a bit more organized than others 
In any case, there's more than 1 way to find your group wherever it is set: the meetup location details can be specified pretty well; the host can give you his/her # and you can call/text; you can use the meetup site's messaging to get in contact with the host; there might be a sign that says "Meetup"; or you can just go around asking if the people are from Meetup, lol :b

I've been to a couple other meetup groups outside the topics of social anxiety, and it works pretty much the same way.
You can choose to go to an event that has less participants at first if that makes you more comfortable.


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## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

I've gone to meetup groups. It doesn't help me meet any people. I just end up doing the activity or sitting alone anyway.


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## Lizzie Lee (Dec 30, 2014)

My experiences with Meetup groups have been mixed. Some groups are filled with people with various degrees of interest or experience, some are formed by a small group of friends and seems to stay kind of clickish, or don't last long. I would suggest first to look and see how often they meet; what kind of schedule they have. Something that meets 4 times a year, or one that hasn't met in over several months, makes me feel like the group isn't that active, or the groups leaders aren't that active, or just ditched it all together and let it get stale. Also, pick something that you have genuine interest in doing. Just start with 1 or 2, and actually attend the meetings. If it sucks, just move on. But I try to give a Meetup a couple of chances before I decide to stop going.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I go to a couple of meetup groups regularly. The main one is specifically for people with anxiety and depression, which is fantastic. I've met some really nice people through it and we go to quite a few restaurants etc.

As with anything though - it depends on who comes to the group and how they're feeling at the moment. The advantage is that in a mental health group every one else understands what we're all going through - so are less likely to be judgemental.

I should also say - I've joined a couple of regular groups, as in ones that aren't based around mental health. I haven't actually been to any of their meetups yet as I find them a bit intimidating.

Edit: Op - it's always hardest to get to the first one you go to - after that it will be a lot easier. A good thing to try is to maybe ask the group leader to meet you a bit before the group meets somewhere - maybe just 10 minutes before for a quick coffee or a chat. (You can send them a private message via meetup.com) Then you might not be as nervous about meeting everyone all at once.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

3 years in anxiety social group, been to a few others. sometimes its good. movies. horse riding. hiking. being ok with joining a group of strangers and being quiet/on my own is probably a good skill. its the only place i meet people. made some kind-of friends, a few gfs.

come to a stage where i don't get so much out of it as i used to. group sizes been too big lately, i tend to zone out.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sounds nice but it also sounds scary. My panic attack is having a panic attack. It would be a huge step for someone suffering with SA. Go for it, I couldn't but everyone is different.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

How many dating sites are there? They created one for Christians and then they created one for farmers.


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## ricardo (Apr 8, 2011)

Farideh said:


> How many dating sites are there? They created one for Christians and then they created one for farmers.


?

Lol, Meetup.com isn't actually a dating site... (though some people kind of use it as one, undoubtedly...). The site is literally just for people to meet up in person for whatever common interest they have.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

I joined late last year, but haven't the testicular fortitude to attend an event


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

ricardo said:


> ?
> 
> Lol, Meetup.com isn't actually a dating site... (though some people kind of use it as one, undoubtedly...). The site is literally just for people to meet up in person for whatever common interest they have.


ooohhh well this is embarrassing.


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## TheHaxanCloak (Jul 26, 2014)

It's a great site. I know a lot of people that use it to pursue their hobbies and meet friends in the process.

Unfortunately, in my area, there's not much going on.

I have been to "social anxiety busters of orange county" once (aka "shygroup") and it wasnt for me. 
I was the only white person (the rest were Asian I think), and it was very cliquey. Don't get me wrong, they were all nice...It's just like a fish out of water type thing. Sure I could connect with them based on the fact we all share anxiety, but that's about it; not much in common,
and the intimidation factor of a clique isn't very fun to me. I felt like a black sheep there, and it was no fault of their own.

I plan to go on a hiking meetup next. You don't need to talk while you hike. You can go out a certain pace so you don't have to be around certain people. You all focus on hiking, and that way it's not intimidating or awkward if you're too quiet.

The groups in my area are mostly really, really old people, so I'm unlucky. 

Any inetresting group you join is going to be cliquey. Most of these people are already friends, and have been attending these events for months. 
Like a board game group, a foodie group, or something more on the social/hobbie based side. Active things like jog/hiking groups tend to get new members often/lose members, so it's not so intimidating to me.

Dont overthink it too much. Join a group you actually are interested in. If it were me, any event that has less than 15 people "attending" isnt worth going to. By the time you get there, maybe only 6 of them will actually show up. I've seen some events that had 15 - 20 people saying they were going, and then 3 show up. I'd never be able to handle that sort of awkwardness and pressure, but maybe you're less intimidated by small, intimate numbers.

I'd start with a group that is social anxiety based, to be honest. It should be the least intimidating baby step you can take.


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## TooBad12 (Jan 21, 2015)

ive used it once for a bible study group


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## scubadiver007 (Dec 27, 2014)

TheHaxanCloak said:


> It's a great site. I know a lot of people that use it to pursue their hobbies and meet friends in the process.
> 
> Unfortunately, in my area, there's not much going on.


Well ... do something about it then. Start your own


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Farideh said:


> How many dating sites are there? They created one for Christians and then they created one for farmers.


Pretty sure there are singles groups for mingling if dig around. Some make their intentions clear of NOT being a dating group while others are pretty much made for finding someone.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

I've been going to two meetups, every week, for the past 2 months now. It's really a good way for meeting people with common interests, which could lead to new friends. I feel like I've been making some progress with my SA, since I've been immersing myself in more social interactions. You should definitely go to some of your local meetups OP, usually the people there are usually friendly =]


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Rixy said:


> Pretty sure there are singles groups for mingling if dig around. Some make their intentions clear of NOT being a dating group while others are pretty much made for finding someone.


lmao I've already been corrected on that. I was mistaken. My bad. No need to be aggressive about it.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Farideh said:


> lmao I've already been corrected on that. I was mistaken. My bad. No need to be aggressive about it.


Aggression?

I was validating your previous post.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

I've actually been seriously considering going to a meetup myself. I'm glad some of you all have and gave some advice/details because it's helping me to decide what groups I might attempt to attend. Thanks to the person who mentioned volunteering to feed the homeless. I really wanted to find a volunteer opp helping people in some way and I found one like that in a city close to me. I think that will be the first one I attend. 

I also found another for young black women, but the idea of it makes me anxious because I'm afraid of encountering that whole "clique" thing like someone already mentioned. That would be the worst to deal with, a bunch of people who already know each other and aren't open to anyone else. 

Anyway, it's encouraging though to hear from those of you who have had positive experiences.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Rixy said:


> Aggression?
> 
> I was validating your previous post.


Which someone already did. Guess you should go through every post so that you wouldn't bother anyone.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Farideh said:


> ooohhh well this is embarrassing.


nothing to worry about.
And just to let you know, if you go, i'll go 
I've always wanted to visit texas.:yes


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Farideh said:


> Which someone already did. Guess you should go through every post so that you wouldn't bother anyone.


You asked if there were dating groups.

I said there were dating groups.

Didn't know that only one person could reply


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## Martimnp (Aug 20, 2013)

No. There are very few groups in my town and none of them interest me.


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

I have had a very good experience with meetup.com personally.

I found 2 very good social anxiety groups near me and one other study group and the site is a great help. There are a large number of areas and subjects and they are all around the country.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

the collector said:


> nothing to worry about.
> And just to let you know, if you go, i'll go
> I've always wanted to visit texas.:yes


Which city do you have in mind? It gets disgustingly humid in San Antonio during the summer. Psychotic drivers over here as well.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Welcome back (I think) I haven't seen one of your posts in ages

Anyway, most of the meetups I've tried had older people Unless it specified that it was a group for younger people. I have nothing against older people, I just struggled really hard to relate to them which made my anxiety a little worse, especially since I'm already pretty bad in groups.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Farideh said:


> Which city do you have in mind? It gets disgustingly humid in San Antonio during the summer. Psychotic drivers over here as well.


el paso


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## P1e2 (Jan 18, 2014)

Yes since ~ 8 yrs ago.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

I just signed up for one today.


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## PalenPretty (May 5, 2012)

I've gone to about three different meetups. The last one had about twenty women. I felt like I clicked well with about 3 of them. The ones I clicked with were artsy type people so I should probably try to find more people like that. I've been trying to find more meetup groups but it seems there aren't many that interest me at the moment and some only meet a couple times a month. 

With meetup.com, you provide your first name and a picture of yourself, that way the group organizers know who to expect at their meetup locations.
In my experience with meetups, I felt more comfortable in a smaller group as opposed to a large group especially since I'm more of a one-on-one type of conversationalist as opposed to entertaining a whole group. 
I think you just have to go with your instinct. If you feel a connection to a group when reading about the description and looking at the pictures then I'd say go for it. What's the worst that can happen? If you don't care for it, just tell them you have to go. People come and go all the time.


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## mortimar (Jan 29, 2015)

I've been to a few meetups for different groups. Depending on the event it can sometimes be very easy to actually end up avoiding people and kind of do your own thing (big volunteering events, festivals, conferences, etc.), but with smaller groups you kind of have to interact with the other people there. Unfortunately meetups in my area generally don't meet as often as I would like...maybe once every week, with events that actually interest me happening every two-three weeks. But I still try to make an effort to at least show up to one every once in a whole...you know, for practice.

When going to meetups, I've found I'm more likely to attend if the content of the event interests me...or if I think it might interest me. That way, even if you show up and can barely put a sentence together, you can at least focus on the content (ex. the food, music, volunteer work, whatever). At the same time, though, this can also lead to the problem I described above. You get out of it what you put in, I guess.


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