# Is your Partners Level of Intelligence Important to you?



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

I think that this is an interesting debating point. Please don't ask me for specific definitions and measures of intelligence, you know what I mean.

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?*

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is more intelligent than you? *

I get the feeling that society makes it easier for a woman to be the less intelligent partner in a male - female relationship, simply because of the historical social dynamics in our patriarchal society. A notion of 'male pride' is instilled into men from a young age and I think that there is still quite a strong stigma for a man to be less capable than his female partner.

To look at that point a bit more

*If you are male: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?

If you are female: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?*

Personally I would be looking for a level of equivalency regarding intelligence, you are more likely to have similar interests.

Honestly, I do feel that being with a partner with much higher intelligence, status and wage would be a problem for me. I think that it would leave me feeling inadequate. Male pride unfortunately!


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?*

I find intelligence to be a huge turn on. I think it's hard to say sometimes which partner is more intelligent as say we both excel in different areas? Overall I would be happy and secure either more or less intelligence. However, the chances I fall for someone who has a brick for a brain is slim.

*If you are male: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?
*
Absolutely. I don't want to feel like either of us have to compete with eachother because that makes for an unhealthy relationship.


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## jeanny (Apr 17, 2014)

Dre12 said:


> Personally I would be looking for a level of equivalency regarding intelligence


I think everyone would.



Dre12 said:


> Honestly, I do feel that being with a partner with much higher intelligence, *status and wage *would be a problem for me. I think that it would leave me feeling inadequate. I don't think the extra money and better quality of life from that would balance that out either. Male pride unfortunately!


It wouldn't bother me. Female shame unfortunately!


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## gamingpup (Jul 10, 2013)

She needs to be smarter or equal... I can be really condescending to people who I think aren't as smart as me. (Horrible I know but it's just how I am) 

I don't care if she makes more or less money. Heck at this age I'll just be happy if she does have a job.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

jeanny said:


> I think everyone would.


I wouldn't be too sure about that!



jeanny said:


> It wouldn't bother me. Female shame unfortunately!


Touche!

I think that it would be the status thing that would bother me the most and honestly, I think that is because it would be public. Pretty weak I know, but there you go.


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## DNightingale (Oct 12, 2014)

Dre12 said:


> *Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?*


Nope, unless the difference is pretty mild.

Unintelligent people bore and irritate me to no end, I couldn't be friends with one much less have a relationship with one.

*


Dre12 said:



Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is more intelligent than you?

Click to expand...

* 

As long as she was ok with it and it wouldn't damage the relationship or make us incompatible, I would have no issue with it. It would be nice to be challenged and stimulated by your partner in my opinion.

*


Dre12 said:



If you are male: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?

Click to expand...

*I wouldn't mind it at all, hell I would actually really prefer it it would enable me to be a stay at home husband, while housework is tiresome I don't find it stressful and money/status/work in itself mean nothing to me, if I can survive without having to deal with extra stress I would be more than happy to take that path.

That being said, it would require a serious agreement of interpersonal equality in the relationship; I'm not sexist, I have zero interest in controlling nor dominating but at the same time I am not submissive in any way, shape or form, a relationship must be a 50/50 partnership regardless of job or income and the moment that's not fulfilled is the moment that relationship ends for me.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

DNightingale said:


> It would be nice to be challenged and stimulated by your partner in my opinion.


I totally agree with that. My longest relationship was with a girl who just agreed with everything that I said. It did my head in to no end. I need to be with someone who can formulate their own opinions.


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## stanthevan (Nov 26, 2014)

I've usually been the more intelligent one. I'm not saying I'm good enough to be a Mensa member or anything.

I don't think I was attracted to girls who were extremely smart. They were not my type, so I didn't really see us working out.

I'd be ok with the girl making more money than I do. But if her attitude towards anything else is too much for me, then I'll have to find someone else.

Some girls will just want to leave if you don't make more money than she does. They will expect you to pick up major expenses and stuff like that.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Hmm. I don't know.

I currently have a little crush on someone who is making me re-evaluate these things a little. What is intelligence? His view on the world comes from a different place than my own, and it affects how he thinks and expresses himself. When we first started talking, he struck me as funny and imaginative, but not necessarily... "intelligent". But... I actually associate those traits with intelligence. I'm more quick-witted than him, but he comes up with the most wonderful, unusual and funny ideas all the time(which would never even strike me), and it makes me laugh and admire him a lot(and he _gets_ my humor which is important from my perspective). He also has some sort of calm and depth about him, which is very hard to pinpoint. I don't know if it's because he had to take care of himself from an early age, so he's somehow "wise beyond his years", but I feel like he's grounded and confident in his opinions and morals. That's a sign of both individualism and intelligence to me, since he takes the time to thoroughly consider matters(while also staying open-minded to discussion).

tl;dr: I try not to think in these terms, and just worry about wether I'm compatible with someone or not. Having a compatible sense of humor is the most important thing to me.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

Thank you for your considered response @probably offline, 'little' crush though?


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## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't think that's something I would care about honestly. I can't remember ever feeling negative towards anyone based on their intelligence. And I definitely don't care who makes more money.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Equal or better. I'm kinda dumb, so it's not expecting too much. And even though intelligence comes in many forms, I'm talking a girl who thinks logically, who gets sarcasm, has a creative side, and who is open-minded. Those are the aspect of intelligence I value the most.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Equal. It's really important for me to be on the same level as my partner, if he was significantly less or more intelligent then I don't feel like it would work out. Same with income. And if I had to, I'd rather be with someone below me in both of those areas, than higher than me, I'd feel more secure being the smarter and higher earning partner, I would not want someone to have that bit of power over the relationship.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

What Rymo said. but lyk, da opposite.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Dre12 said:


> Thank you for your considered response @probably offline, 'little' crush though?


Yeah, a little crush-thingy-bob on a friend. I wanted to clarify that I wasn't talking about a partner or something. I've had the same overall attitude about it all in previous relationships, though.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Ideally their level of intelligence should be similar to mine. I would rather not date someone who was a lot smarter than me because I would feel worse about myself. And dating someone who I constantly had to explain things to would be tiring as well..


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## peyandkeele (Dec 5, 2013)

I want someone just as intellligent as me, i just couldnt date someone whos dumber than a brick. If this person couldnt hold a conversation with a grain of sand, than why would i think they could talk to me?


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## peacelizard (Apr 17, 2014)

I don't care about intelligence in terms of book knowledge - like she doesn't have to have a PhD. For me, it's much more about being articulate, witty and sarcastic. 

As for the money thing, it'd be hard for me if she made more, not so much because of gender but because of my personality. I've always been a protector, whether I've wanted to be or not, so I wonder if that extends into financially providing


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I guess if i were looking, an intelligence roughly comparable to my own or better. Not concerned about dodgy markers for intelligence (degrees or job etc) just ability to be able to discuss interesting ****.


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## BehindClosedDoors (Oct 16, 2014)

I have trouble in this area because my childhood was a mess. It definitely was not conducive to learning anything. I've tried to learn as much as I could on my own after I got out of that situation but I still struggle with it. My grades were actually pretty good, I ended up on faculty list my senior year after I bailed on my Mother and moved in with my ex stepfather who had a more stable living situation. When I met my current husband I felt he was slightly less intelligent than I am which was really unfortunate to me because I am very attracted to intelligent men. But he was so GOOD, so kind, gentle-all that mattered more in the long run. In time I realized he wasn't less intelligent but just extremely shy (only at first) and that made him stumble around with his words in social situations. After I got to know him I found him to be very quick-witted and really funny. In the end he charmed the pants off me  He smokes me in anything mathematical, that's for sure. But his spelling is atrocious. That's ok, so is my math!


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Dre12 said:


> *Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?*


I've been in a relationship where I felt my partner was less intelligent than me. Not in a "dim bulb" sort of way, but in the way that I generally felt more competent at getting things done than him. It didn't really affect our relationship or how I felt about him, so I'll answer this as "yes."



Dre12 said:


> *Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is more intelligent than you? *


This wouldn't be possible, because I'm a genius :-D I can't answer this one, because I haven't really been in this situation. I'm really drawn to smart guys though, and I'd definitely give that sort of relationship a try.



Dre12 said:


> *If you are female: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?*


Of course. Maybe I would finally get that Hawaii holiday I've always been dreaming of.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

For dating, a little bit dumber than me is better. If I was going to reproduce then the guy has to be above average.


As for money, the more money the better....as long as he shares it with me.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Cool thread because, to me, intelligence is the most important thing in any human, not just partners. If I perceive someone as dumb or at least not smart, I will forever have zero respect for them, no matter what they will ever do.
*

Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?

*No. What kind of man is he? He's supposed to be better than me at everything. If he's dumber, I won't have any choice but to use him for what he offers and never get feelings for him.

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is more intelligent than you? *

Yup, that's what I'd prefer.

*If you are female: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?*

I don't know what this has to do with intelligence but I consider that normal lol. If the woman has a better job and higher social status, then, again, what kind of man is he?!


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## EngineeringLife (Nov 28, 2014)

How do you measure intelligence? 
For example, I once dated a girl who had at least 100 actual friends and everywhere we went at least four or five people would come up and say hello to us. She was a silver tongue and a real charmer. However, she was awful at Math and Science. I however, have almost no social skills and without her I never would have broken out of my shell as much as I have. Although society would consider me much more intelligent, due to my abilities in math and science.
Anyway, I digress. I believe that intelligence is not as simple as we make it. We all have different areas that we excel at and I therefore believe that we are for the most part equal in intelligence. 
As for wages, girlfriends are not subordinates. I do not want someone to take care of me or to provide for. We are a team and all the money is team money and therefore, it does not matter who makes more because it is ours.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> I don't know what this has to do with intelligence but I consider that normal lol. If the woman has a better job and higher social status, then, again, what kind of man is he?!


So man only has to be a 'man' within the confines of his own relationship? Regardless if he earns more than you there are still going to be a million women out there more capable and higher earning than him. Unless you have hooked up with Warren Buffett or the like.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Dre12 said:


> So man only has to be a 'man' within the confines of his own relationship? Regardless if he earns more than you there are still going to be a million women out there more capable and higher earning than him. Unless you have hooked up with Warren Buffett or the like.


Well I'm not expecting him to be the richest man in the world, but he has to be better than pathetic little ME at least, lol.



peacelizard said:


> Can't tell if sarcastic or ...


I wasn't :/


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## peacelizard (Apr 17, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> Well I'm not expecting him to be the richest man in the world, but he has to be better than pathetic little ME at least, lol.


Can't tell if sarcastic or ...


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Around the same level I guess. More or less could be fine, being knowledgeable about certain things is more important to me than intelligence. Similar sense of humour is probably more important as well. 

At the moment, I'd feel uncomfortable about the wage thing if it was considerably more. In the future, I think if I was doing something I felt was meaningful and enjoyed, it wouldn't bother me as much but I think it would always bother me a little if it was a big gap. 

There's the whole 'golddigger' thing. I guess if he understood my stance on money it would be OK. I wouldn't want to date someone who was really into extravagant stuff and wanted to buy me loads of jewellery or something. It's honestly meaningless to me.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I'd like to be with someone I can be myself with, so around the same level would be nice, but intelligence isn't my highest priority. If I had to choose between someone who was smart and a playful person with a good sense of humor I'd choose the latter. Still, I think being with someone smarter than myself would be a turn on. I do like a good challenge. I knew one girl who was much smarter than me and I was head over heels for her.

As far as money/status goes, I don't really care. I have SA, so most of my exs have had better jobs than me, so I'm used to it, I guess. I wouldn't mind making a lot more, if I could easily support both of us, and I wouldn't mind making a lot less, as long as it didn't bother my partner.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

If they can't challenge me intellectually then I cannot be in a relationship with them. The ability to think logically is the most critical factor, I can't handle people who think only with their hearts and not with their heads.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?*

I wouldn't be able to handle it! I read a lot of books, and like to learn about culture and politics. And I like to listen to people tell me about things I don't know! I wouldn't ever be able to date someone who couldn't have conversations or didn't think about things. It'd be lame. I'm fine with friends who I can just joke around with and watch ****ty shows, but that's different than a committed partner. That requires more! I'm no genius, but I am smart and I do read a lot and learn a lot just because I like to learn, and I get infuriated or saddened or inspired or touched by things, and I'm not the best at talking about things but I'd still want someone to talk about things with (and learn what makes them infuriated or saddened or inspired or touched).

Edit: I'm assuming being intelligent means reading a lot and thinking a lot, which I've known a lot of people who read and think a lot but are obtuse jerks (which I kinda am too tbh) and whom I wouldn't classify as intelligent because they just aren't able to think critically, but rather just read stuff then spout it out (and it depends on what you read, too--my grandfather reads constantly, but it's all conservative tea party fox news type junk). Plus I've known men who were really intelligent and could look at different sides and think critically and analytically and remain open in their viewpoints in a discussion, but just aren't good partners (not nice, cheat, etc). idk. idk! I'm writing too much. It's not the most important thing but it's important still, even if my own brain bulb doesn't burn too bright.

*Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is more intelligent than you? *

IDK! I wouldn't know. It'd depend on how they treated me, for being less intelligent. If I was treated like a student or a pet and was made aware of how I was less intelligent, then I wouldn't be happy. But I should hope that if the person valued me for the intelligence I have, then I would be happy. Especially since I like to listen, and I like to learn, and so I'd really enjoy having someone to tell me about things they've learned, and to be able to ask questions and get a little bit of their knowledge.

*If you are female: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?*

Sure. Who gives a ****? The only thing that's important is how this guy would treat me and how he'd care for me. The rest is just frills and security! And I'd feel secure if I had the better job and higher wage, too. It makes me happy to buy people I love little gifts, and I'd be able to do so if I had some $$$.


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## Karuni (Jun 26, 2011)

I think best is close to my level or slightly higher. Not too much smarter though because I don't want to feel too inferior and dumb. Not lower because someone I'm attracted to has to appear competent in my eyes or else it really upsets me. I don't trust a lot of my own abilities so I have to be able to rely on someone else to fill in when I can't. I kinda have a few dependency issues. I like discussing lots of different things and learning new things from him though. It's more interesting. 

Money/status don't really matter to me, just be able to at least support yourself. Whoever makes more is irrelevant to me. As long as bills get paid and you're not on the verge of killing yourself because of how horrible your job is, then it's all good. I'd rather he do what he wants for a career than choose a career that is six figures but he hates.


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## Laith (Mar 20, 2009)

yes


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## roats44862 (Aug 14, 2014)

my partner would need to be more intelligent than that ^, that's for sure.


Love you really, Jakey.


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## roats44862 (Aug 14, 2014)

Callsign said:


> I love you mostest


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Of course it is. 

Why? This is because I desire a partner, a girl I could tackle life problems with, weigh the pros and cons of a given situation and hopefully agree or compromise on a valid solution together. 

As an average intelligent male with the potential for acquiring more knowledge, I don't think it'd be asking for too much for an average girl around my level.


I will state that though I find high intelligence very attractive in women, I'd like to think I place more preference on wisdom, common sense, and a decent sense of morality. 


Having said this, as one poster mentioned earlier, there are different areas of knowledge and expertise that unique individuals possess. I'd like to think that most of us SA sufferers are well aware of this fact, what with constantly being presumed to be less intelligent than they are on a regular basis due to how silent or clueless they are perceived to be.


Some people are proficient in being charismatic, their quick wit in conversations, thus painting them in a charismatic light. Others are street smart, capable of remaining cool under pressure, with the capability to find their way home from being lost in an unfamiliar city. There's the academic overachievers of course, mathematics, science, speaking several different languages and them learning new such things almost as natural as breathing.



So what is it that I desire again? I'd like to be with a woman who is intelligent enough to realize that despite my flaws, I am still learning like her yet hold the potential for improvement. I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life with a girl who accepted me despite my imperfections and allowed me to accept her, no matter how insecure she felt as well. The idea of striving towards a better future together with a loyal reliable partner to me, sounds far more appealing than someone who holds unrealistic expectations from you at the get go. People are endowed with different qualities, gifts, and resources at their disposal---I only ask, that she'd be intelligent enough to comprehend that I worked with what this world handed me, that I'm still trying, and I'll gladly extend the same courteousy.




I feel as if I went into detail too much when a simple, yes to a certain extent, would of sufficed. Integrity and trust take precedence over that quality being that in this regard there are different definitions of intelligence. 

Obviously there are lines if you wanted an extreme explanation: I wouldn't want to be with a crafty, manipulative woman who could essentially talk me into doing anything despite it constantly not having my personal best interests time and time again. That would fall under the lines of servitude and again keyword, partner...

On the other hand I wouldn't want to be with a wife who was so unreliable and unintelligent that the very lives of us or our child were put constantly at risk. That's just having practical standards and everyone wants a partner smart enough that they at the very least feel safe with.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Well, I have been in at least one relationship where I felt the person was at least lacking somewhat in common sense. I don't think she was an idiot but there were just common sense things she did wrong that drove me batty.

For example, she just didn't get that I needed some personal time and space. I thought I explained it to her pretty well. I made a serious effort to explain that there are just times when I need to be alone. 

I thought she got it but there would be times when I'd have the day off and I'd want to sleep in and she'd literally be outside my window banging on it until I had to get up (I'd told her that if she called and got the machine, I was probably sleeping). Little things like that. She just wanted to be together constantly. I did appreciate it in that way that you appreciate that someone cares about you but it was just really annoying that she didn't seem to understand where I was coming from.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

karenw said:


> @ WillYouStopDave, was she quite young then? space is a defo requirement.


 We both were pretty young, yes. I suppose these issues came from the fact that it really wasn't a relationship I had been prepared for or had even asked for. It was one of the few times ever in my life a girl I barely knew basically came out of nowhere and asked ME to date her.

She wasn't bad looking and I had talked to her a few times and liked her personality well enough from a distance so I said OK. She was definitely more interested in me from the beginning but I hadn't really even worked out what I felt about her. We'd only been on about 5 dates when the clingy behavior started.

It might have been a case where she was wanting to date me for a lot longer than I was aware of. We'd worked together for a while. And I have to say this. I'm not (and never have been) very attractive so I never have been the type to walk around expecting attention from females.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

I don't dwell on IQ points nor have I ever cared to know my IQ points but a well rounded/knowledgeable person would be ideal. All you really have to do is read books & magazines of substance plus follow the news & watch documentaries then you can have easily hold an interesting conversation w/ anyone you come across.


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## someguy85 (Nov 27, 2014)

Having an intelligent partner is important to me. I think most people are intelligent anyway; some may have less wisdom or experience though. A naive person may bother me, but that depends to what extent.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Yes, my partner's level of intelligence would be important to me. Honestly, if she was really dumb or ignorant it would be a turn off. I'd like to be able to talk about deeper or a little more intellectual topics than just surface things and pop culture. 

But if she has a good sense of humor that is compatible with mine then that would be a huge plus even if she and I were not close in intelligence.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Very important but I think it's more important how you use that knowledge. If they are highly intelligent but put me down and make me feel stupid all the time I wouldn't be happy about that... I wouldn't mind dating someone more intelligent if they didn't treat me like an idiot and were open to helping me become a more well rounded and intelligent person as well.

I'm honestly not that intelligent myself and I've never been a great student. I'm still highly attracted to intelligent women though. Honestly I value good character, heart, and wisdom more.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

Yes, the higher the bigger the turn off. How am I gonna dupe her into bed with me?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I think the bare minimum would have to be a partner that has common sense (which isn't so common). Not having the same interests is fine as long as we are able to stay on the same levels of discussion as we purse new interests together. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and not being able to understand each other, or having to constantly explain the simplest of things, would not work out well for the both of us.

On the extreme end, I find high, pompously asserted intelligence to be intimidating, so chances are I'll be deviating away from people who come across like that. I know that puts me in a bad light, but oh well. Those are my thoughts.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Aribeth said:


> Cool thread because, to me, intelligence is the most important thing in any human, not just partners. If I perceive someone as dumb or at least not smart, I will forever have zero respect for them, no matter what they will ever do.
> *
> 
> Are you happy and secure being in a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than you?
> ...


Reminds me of KT Tatara's Dumb Girls comedy sketch... :blank


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

I discovered I couldn't date someone a lot dumber than me (for long). Had a g/f years ago, she was cute, good body, good in bed, adored me, kind & had a good heart. But she had the brain of about an 8 year old. Barely talked ever, getting a conversation out of her was a struggle, and she never said anything even approaching smart - her lack of smarts made her boring, she was a simpleton. I couldn't connect with her on an emotional level because of this. I cared about her and treated her well, but eventually had to end things because I was bored and felt it was unfair to continue when she was way more emotionally invested than I was. She was upset, but it wasn't going anywhere.

Slightly less smart, equal, or smarter, I think would be fine. Same with making more money than me - as long as they didn't look down on me for not being as smart or making as much. 

Someone much smarter than me would probably view me as a pet/simpleton and grow bored of me, and crave being with someone on their level. I wouldn't be intimidated to try dating them, but don't think it would work out for long.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I never considered intelligence to be that important to me, but maybe it is more so than I realize. I've always valued other traits more like kindness and loyalty, but it would be nice to be on or near the same intellectual level.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Equal or smarter

I don't care if they have a better job or earn more money than me as long as they dont have a go at me for earning less

I can't tolerate stupidity let alone find it remotely attractive.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'd be annoyed by a girl who can't correctly write out: *"Their* dog sits over *there* while *they're* in the bedroom."


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

We need to be equally intelligent. Can't be with someone too much smarter or dumber than me. The smarter ones are beyond my comprehension and the dumber ones are annoying.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

need to be non-stupid, non-naive, fairly realistic. needn't know trigonometry. book smarts not really necessary. but i do like to talk philosophy sometimes, which requires no previous knowledge, just non-stupidness.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

diamondheart89 said:


> We need to be equally intelligent. Can't be with someone too much smarter or dumber than me. The smarter ones are beyond my comprehension and the dumber ones are annoying.


I'd like to be smarter than her. It's always nice to feel superior, though she can't be an idiot. I don't want to carry on a conversation with a girl who has a head full of rocks.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

The thought of a man making far more than me used to make me feel really insecure and inferior. 
But now I've realized that would be a good thing, since if we were to have kids, I'd want to stay home with them. I'd feel better if he had a good income. 
And high income doesn't say much about intelligence.. depending on what they do. Making less than me would be more of a turn off.

Intelligence is important though. It's hard to have conversations and mature discussions with a dummy. I don't really see someone being more intelligent than me at everything. I think in relationships, each one has different subjects that they know more about than the other. That's how it should be and makes things interesting.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

*If you are male: can you be happy and secure in a relationship where your partner has a better job and higher wage than you?*

Yes. I am too perplexed by life for such things to affect my self worth. Frankly, I imagine a situation like this to be amusing, as I patiently wait to prove to her how little I care.

"Oh, you have every PhD and all the dollars?":


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

i can only go up from here. i dont have to worry about finding someone dumber. but alas, it may make me alone in the end.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Not that I have any experience with this but I feel that the more intelligent and, let's call it, successful she is, the more insecure I would feel. Nothing to do with pride, more like I wouldn't feel worthy. I'd be grateful if anyone even paid any attention to me, if it was someone considerably better off than me then I'd be wondering if I was being set up for a cruel prank or something. Anyway, equal is best.


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## Fairykins (Nov 5, 2014)

Intelligence is sort of important in a partner - personally I want someone who I can have interesting conversations and can share hobbies with, but is not totally boring and serious all the time. I think intelligent and funny is probably the best combination.

I wouldn't mind if I had a partner who earned more and/or had a higher intelligence, as long as he wasn't a snob about it and belittled me.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

What do you mean when you say intellegent? 

No I wouldn't mind if she had a better job than me.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

yes it would be. just because i;d want to have lots of interesting conversation and for this some intelligence on both parts would be required. plus we can always learn from each other.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

I'll say that you need to both be able to respect and relate intellectually, but I wouldn't say intelligence is the only measure. There is common sense, intuition, insight, and just plain curiosity. I enjoy a partner who is as capable and interested in growing together intellectually more than a know-it-all.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

For anything to work long term, they have to be capable of meeting you halfway.


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## nervouswreck666 (Dec 23, 2014)

Yes, intelligence is important. I wouldn't mind a guy that less intelligent as long as he's not complete moron and I wouldn't mind a smarter guy as long as he's not condescending. I wouldn't be upset if he had better job ( Still want equal pay though) than me since I want to stay home to homeschool our children, while running a homestead and B&B. He just needs to know that his job isn't more important than mine and he can't be an occasional father like my step-dad was


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

I only care if they respect me. And I basically find them fun to be around. 

When the person in question is more 'intelligent' than me, and is passively posturing me with it especially say in front of company. I have a huge problem with that. 

If the person happens to be that dim, I doubt I would have the patience to address them in the first place. But i'm not going out of my way to belittle them in any way.. The best I know how anyway.


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