# What would be so bad if people were to know you are socially anxious?



## chloee (Jan 13, 2017)

You could write your own list of bad things and perhaps good..


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## jennieB (May 13, 2017)

it'd be very bad because id be exposing my biggest insecurity which can be used to emotionally rip me to shreds


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## PsychoFancy (May 13, 2017)

It's not that bad, but some people aren't that understanding of mental issues, so some would consequently treat me as a child upon learning. Others might be kinder in a superficial way that also bothers me. I consider it quite an impediment that I don't want to be brought to light unless absolutely necessary.

Plus side, I'm a nerd, and many nerds have the condition, so it's something that's easy to talk about with many of them and will probably lead to a close friendship. I speak from experience with this, though that friendship is now a precarious situation, at least it seems to me.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

The judgement or/and the pity party.


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## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

I don't want that to be a "quality" that defines me in the eyes of people, for starters...

"Oh he has social anxiety, so he'll probably act in a such and such a way"...


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## dragonfruit (Dec 11, 2015)

The fake "Aww I'm so sorry you are going through this." or the "I have depression and anxiety issues too. So I understand." No they don't understand, they just want to feel like they fit in some where or as Kevin said "Judgement/pity party".

I know when I see a person I'm friends with on social media posting Anxiety/depression memes and constantly whinging about how sad and full of emotional worries/anxiety issues. I think it is just for show so people could feel sorry for her. I know the person and off social media she is a grade A bi t ch. She is rude, insults disabled people by saying "You're special". Yells at her husband and kids constantly and now she has a child with autism she is now playing the role of disabled carer for pity party. She has narcissistic vibes more then anxiety. 

When I felt comfortable I told someone I had anxiety, they didn't coddle me. Just said get over it and after that I kept it to myself.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Most people do. It's annoying in some instances I can think of because they assume it's worse than it is, and its irritating when people try to come up with solutions which are really poorly thought out, but it isn't something I particularly hide any more. I don't know that many people though.

I told a woman on a random phone exposure exercise I had it though, as an exposure exercise.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

People would watch for it. Some of them might target me. Employers might deny me work because they would question my ability to be friendly (and they might even be right to do it in the interests of their company). Others would probably react much the same as the woman who said "aww" when I tried to tell her about it. :/

On the plus side, others might be more understanding and inclusive, and those who were socially anxious might feel more comfortable making themselves known. Or not.

Honestly, I've thought of wearing one of those funny shirts that would let people know this about me, but that would only draw attention to myself. On the whole, I think having absolutely everyone know would do more hard than good.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

splendidbob said:


> Most people do. It's annoying in some instances I can think of because they assume it's worse than it is, and its irritating when people try to come up with solutions which are really poorly thought out, but it isn't something I particularly hide any more. I don't know that many people though.
> *
> I told a woman on a random phone exposure exercise I had it though, as an exposure exercise.*


What happened when you told her Bob? Was this someone you were going out with or just a random person?


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## ClementineM (May 13, 2017)

People do know but they don't care and tell me to get over it. And that everyone feels the same way..


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

don said:


> What happened when you told her Bob? Was this someone you were going out with or just a random person?


I rang up a local supermarket as an exposure exercise, and told the lady on the phone that I have social anxiety and that I sometimes interact with people in the store, and that the staff are always super friendly, if I ask where items are they show me where it is etc. Positive feedback stuff.

She said something like "ah, one step at a time" when I said I randomly ask people where stuff is. Was fine.

I recorded it:


__
https://soundcloud.com/splendidbob%2Fwaitrose


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

People don't understand social anxiety. And you can't make them understand.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

splendidbob said:


> I rang up a local supermarket as an exposure exercise, and told the lady on the phone that I have social anxiety and that I sometimes interact with people in the store, and that the staff are always super friendly, if I ask where items are they show me where it is etc. Positive feedback stuff.
> 
> She said something like "ah, one step at a time" when I said I randomly ask people where stuff is. Was fine.
> 
> ...


That was great Bob - I loved it. I like both of your accents and voices. 

( I also think maybe you should ask to speak to her personally next time you're at that shop - she sounded nice and quite interested.  )


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

don said:


> That was great Bob - I loved it. I like both of your accents and voices.
> 
> ( I also think maybe you should ask to speak to her personally next time you're at that shop - she sounded nice and quite interested.  )


Haha


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## buggy (Mar 8, 2006)

I don't think it would be so bad even though it feels that way - that ppl will ewww away from you

The other day a girl I knew for a long time who is pretty closed off shared some personal stuff and I was surprised how even tho she was anxious as heck telling it and it came out akward I still felt so mcuh for her & connected somehow. So I try to look at it like that: being open & prepared to share with other ppl is a sign that you trust them and willing to show your inner thoughts and feelings and that creates closeness. Ppl see that in you even tho you don't see it yourself.

But then I again I can say this easy but it's so hard ^^; but I'm trying to get better at it too


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## Typhoid Mary (Apr 28, 2017)

I don't want people to treat me differently.
I don't want people to know I'm flawed.

Ironically, I make it very clear I have SA without coming right out and calling it what it is. I own the fact that I'm socially awkward. I admit I'm a huge introvert. I'll come right out and say I don't like being in social situation. I'll explain that talking makes me uncomfortable

The only thing I don't say is that I have SA. I guess putting a name to it takes it from simply being personality traits to an actual disorder.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Typhoid Mary said:


> *I don't want people to treat me differently.
> I don't want people to know I'm flawed*.
> 
> Ironically, I make it very clear I have SA without coming right out and calling it what it is. I own the fact that I'm socially awkward. I admit I'm a huge introvert. I'll come right out and say I don't like being in social situation. I'll explain that talking makes me uncomfortable
> ...


It's interesting you say that. With me I find it embarassing to admit I have anxiety but telling people I'm bipolar doesn't bother me anywhere near as much. ( I have only recently started to believe it though and to a large extent I think I'm actually relieved to know what the hell is wrong with me. )  Well, one of the things that's wrong anyway.

With anxiety we're admitting that we're afraid - and to me that's different. It's a really hard thing to admit to people.

I know growing up that I could never show it - as a guy with my mates it just wasn't done. We would rib each other about all different things - it sort of sets you up to cover the things that are bothering you up. It was ridiculous really.


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## konas8 (Nov 23, 2016)

I have a picture of those who are socially anxious; if I admit I am socially anxious to others, that picture is laid over me, and that's how I'll experience myself.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Oh, they already know. They think I'm weak, an excellent pawn, weird, and snobby. It is f'n awesome...NOT! Even the other socially anxious avoid me, 'cause I might leave a trail to their doorstep OR I won't add to their "coolness". Life is grand!


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I don't mind if people know, in fact I sometimes tell them in an attempt to explain my avoidance of them.

The unfortunate thing is people usually don't understand what "social anxiety" is, assume it's the same thing as shyness, and say, "Oh, I used to be shy too, don't worry, you'll grow out of/get over it!"...and then when I don't completely trust them within a few days, they get irritated and give up on me. :roll



sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Oh, they already know. They think I'm weak, an excellent pawn, weird, and snobby.


Oh, I forgot that one. The people I _don't_ tell about my anxiety?...they just assume I'm a snob.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

tehuti88 said:


> I don't mind if people know, in fact I sometimes tell them in an attempt to explain my avoidance of them.
> 
> The unfortunate thing is people usually don't understand what "social anxiety" is, assume it's the same thing as shyness, and say, "Oh, I used to be shy too, don't worry, you'll grow out of/get over it!"...and then when I don't completely trust them within a few days, they get irritated and give up on me. :roll
> 
> Oh, I forgot that one. The people I _don't_ tell about my anxiety?...they just assume I'm a snob.


Yes, the SNOB thing.

Oh well.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Since I was inpatient for three weeks in May 2016, there was no hiding it from some people (family, that is).

Since then, more and more people have become (somewhat) familiar with my problems... I recently had a disastrous trip to Mexico at a destination resort for my sister's wedding where some more people were introduced to the severity of my situation (very bad environment for me -- it did not go well at all)...

Whereas in past years, the number of people who '_know_' was limited to maybe five or six (ie. only immediate family), now some extended family is aware, and there are now probably around 25 people who '_know_' (or at least have a good idea).

I've actually received nothing but good vibes and supportive words from them... But they were supportive of me beforehand as well... Now, they just have more information. It's still not something I'd go broadcasting to anyone (though, I don't especially care who finds out... some awkwardness, for sure, but otherwise don't care -- whatever).


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## Typhoid Mary (Apr 28, 2017)

don said:


> With anxiety we're admitting that we're afraid - and to me that's different. It's a really hard thing to admit to people.


I won't call it anxiety either. Like you say, it sounds weak and afraid.

I actually sat my boss down not too long ago and admitted I have SA. I kind of had to because of chronic migraines and headaches from stress. Of course he asked me how he could help. I told him not to worry about it. It's my cross to bear. So he tells me I should let him know if I'm uncomfortable when people are talking to me.

"You mean when someone is being kind and friendly?" I asked. He laughed and finally got what I was telling him.

I hide it very well. I'm the epitome of chill in a high stress environment. I'm not weak and afraid. Yeah, it wigs me out when people talk to me. I deal. Anxiety doesn't mean I have to be coddled.

So yeah, I don't want people to know how it affects me when they talk to me.


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

Some people Ive had to tell simply because the way my SA comes off is that I either seem mean, bored of them, or offended. And Id rather they know I have anxiety than to have them think I just hate their guts. But if I can get by, id rather people not know. Im not sure why I feel that way though.


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