# Does anyone else have paranoid anxiety?



## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

So, this happens mostly at night but sometimes during the day too.

During the day I freak out that someone is in my house. Small things, like I forgot to close a door and then go back and it's wide open make me freeze in my tracks. I forgot I left it open and I'm 100% sure that someone is in my house and opened the door. Someone bad. I have to force myself to just ignore my thoughts and continue on. But doing that seems to go against everything I know to do. (And I'm terrified of everyone knowing I'm an idiot and paranoid over nothing!!) Sometime's I've had to pack up my kids and go out for the day, the whole time on 'red alert' that someone's going to come up behind me and kill me.

At night I get bombarded with visions of people doing really bad things to children. There's been a lot of child deaths in the news lately, world wide and I remember some things from when I was growing up that were done to kids (again from the news).

Anybody else get anything even remotely similiar? How did you deal with it? Is it even related to SAD or something else altogether? I'm starting to worry I have a schizo type disorder too! :blank


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

Yes I can relate to what you're going through. I wrote about it in a recent blog: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/blogs/pandemic-73030/3-12910/

They're called ego-dystonic thoughts, and are usually experienced by people with OCD.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

That's sort of, or maybe that is it completely. 

How did you get rid of it?

I don't watch horror movies, I don't even watch the previews or commercials on TV and have pretty much stopped watching the news. 

They only started after having my first child.

I don't have OCD.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Those types of thoughts are common in depressed and/or anxious people.


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## neverwanna (Nov 29, 2011)

i would say it's normal...your just being a protectant mother i'd say.


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## Sarah1 (Feb 17, 2012)

Sounds like OCD I've got it aswel I'm very paranoid I sometimes think someone is in my house or that someone poisoned my food I always think that the news,movies,billboards are giving my private messages


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## moya (Feb 16, 2012)

Sarah1 said:


> Sounds like OCD I've got it aswel I'm very paranoid I sometimes think someone is in my house or that someone poisoned my food I always think that the news,movies,billboards are giving my private messages


Those are ideas of reference, and that's more than just OCD. I would get that checked. I'm schizoaffective and I have something similar.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

Yeh see, my 'visions' aren't about what I would do to other people or that anything is giving me private messages. 

They're just horrible, descriptive, violent images intruding on my thoughts. I think mostly at night because that's when I'm winding down and more relaxed. Not occupied by anything else. 

The paranoia during the day... I don't know where that comes from. Another example, when I'm driving I sometimes think people are following me. I think I might have cut them off or somehow made them mad with my driving and so they are going to follow me and kill me. When i go places I think "now if there was someone with a gun here's the best way/place to start shooting to kill the most people" and I plan ways that I'll be able to save my family. Or environmental deaths or accidental deaths. Driving in mountains I think 'if the car goes off the road this is what I'll do'... ridiculous things like jump out of the van at the last second before the car hits the bottom of the valley etc.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

Enderbean said:


> That's sort of, or maybe that is it completely.
> 
> How did you get rid of it?
> 
> ...


I managed to get over it through some pretty challenging Cognitive therapy and a brilliant psychiatrist. 
In my case I watched a lot of horrors at the time but I think the paranoia would have been there regardless, it was just focused around what I'd been watching.

I've read quite a bit about OCD, ego-dystonic thoughts and having children. OCD can be triggered in some people after you have child. Most people who already have OCD find the condition is exacerbated.

On a different note- an interesting example in new fathers found that these ego-dytonic images and thoughts (ego-dytonic meaning unwanted and intrusive), often became an issue when changing the babies nappy because they thought they would sexually assault the child. 
These are people without a history of predatory behaviour, who feel utter shame and humiliation at having had these thoughts. It creates a lot of confusion and guilt.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

From what I've been reading those thoughts are about thinking of harming others or yourself. 

My thoughts aren't of me harming anyone. 

Or am I wrong about the definition?


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

yes i have some similar anxiety to what you are describing. night is the worse for me. I get very disturbing images that pop in my head or thoughths that someone will break into my house. i also worry alot about dying. im very fixated on that. i have to distract from the obsessions alot. my therapistsays it has alot to do with past traumas i've had.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

They also revolve around being harmed by others, or in your case, a fear that others will harm the people you love. I will spend some time trying to find a better article or journal but this may be interesting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

If I had traumas I would accept that and work on it. 

The problem is I haven't had traumas, you know, aside from the imagined ones thanks to SA, like: 

Being honked at because I'm trying to cross the street but the moron in the car that's stopped thinks I'm too stupid to know how to look 'the other way' and there's a car coming. 

(I was about 7, he was probably just being nice, but AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH..embarassing!!!!)

but not traumatic. ...


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

Thanks everyone. 

It's really disturbing, glad to know I'm not the only one who gets these. Feel less like a freak now. 

Thanks.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

The experience of SA is traumatic in itself I would say, but you don't have to have been through trauma to experience these kind of thoughts.


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

Cletis said:


> Those types of thoughts are common in depressed and/or anxious people.


 i agree. very common. and with OCD.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

Enderbean said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> It's really disturbing, glad to know I'm not the only one who gets these. Feel less like a freak now.
> 
> Thanks.


Good! You're welcome, it's good to be able to talk about it myself. I hope they fade away soon =)


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

Enderbean said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> It's really disturbing, glad to know I'm not the only one who gets these. Feel less like a freak now.
> 
> Thanks.


thank you back.because i know i feel that way too when i catch myself having these disturbing thoughts. they are scary. its interesting it started after having your child. i have a child and at times i have terrible visions of my child getting hurt at times. its horrible. CBT is really one of the best ways to work through disturbing thoughts and obsessions, in my opinion.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I only feel paranoid at night when I'm by myself. I feel safe during the mornings and day time.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

saso said:


> thank you back.because i know i feel that way too when i catch myself having these disturbing thoughts. they are scary. its interesting it started after having your child. i have a child and at times i have terrible visions of my child getting hurt at times. its horrible. CBT is really one of the best ways to work through disturbing thoughts and obsessions, in my opinion.


I can't bring myself up to call my old psychiatrist, because I don't know if I 'can' still see her or if I have to go through benefits and work and see a different therapist for like 4 sessions or something stupid.

They were disturbing enough that I finally joined this forum.

I think it started after my children because before it was just me that I needed to protect and before that I had parents to protect me. Now if something happens I have 2 little people to worry about who are completely unable to even realize that something bad is or about to happen. Very scary how dependent our children are on us.
And, unfortunately my husband doesn't really make me feel safe. Nor am I confident in his ability to help our children be safe.

Also, moving the the city (born and raised country) 2 weeks before my oldest was born probably aggravated the paranoia.

I just want them to go away but they keep getting worse. Everynight unless I stay distracted right up until I fall asleep.

My kids set off the paranoia. 
I really don't know how much longer I can handle it before completely falling apart but I suck at asking for help before that. 

So, this place and everyone's responses *big sigh of relief*


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

Enderbean: Found a couple of links, surprisingly there isn't much.
http://www.postnatalocd.org/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/a...bsessive-compulsive-disorder-new-mothers.html


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## ApathyDivine (Feb 28, 2012)

I am paranoid about people breaking into my house at night time. I have had these thoughts even at a very young age. I can't go to bed without checking under my bed, checking the closet, locking my bedroom door, and I alwaysdo a round and check the recheck that the front and back door are both locked. My window is always closed and locked. If someone breaks into the backyard, they will come to my window because it is so easily accessable. I keep a baseball bat under my bed.

If I hear any unexplained noises at all, I get very afraid, and it takes a long time to calm down, especially if my heart starts racing. Sometimes I might have to use the bathroom, and when I'm in there if I hear any noises, I freeze in fear. 

And I am always afraid when walking to my car in the morning. It's dark out then. I always jump over this short fence we have surrounding the front yard and cut through it to get to my car faster. I don't want to be exposed to the street

And I rarely go anywhere alone. Thanks to an incident a year ago, I'm afraid of being kidnapped, which most likely means being raped and murdered


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Enderbean, is it due to really bad depression/really bad anxiety? Was ever a time where these thoughts weren't as bad? The reason I ask is because I can relate 100% to what you're experiencing having experienced myself. I know I'm not schizoaffective because I have a friend that is and she experiences paranoia but not in the same way. Her's including active hallucinations and voices. And besides, schizophrenia is not something you just think about and all of a sudden have, like anxiety/depression. So yeah, it is def. a symptom of severe anxiety and maybe even severe derealization/depersonalization since you don't feel safe and "grounded" even in familiar settings like your own home. Also, I never had these kinds of thoughts before bad anxiety (for ex. people breaking into my house, people robbing my house while I'm gone, someone looking at me in my house). It's all just very severe symptoms. I hope you get help for them, find a psychiatrist, counselor, someone you can talk to so hopefully your mind won't be stuck on anxiety and paranoia mode. I find that getting into a routine helps a lot or maybe even spending time in a different place to focus on something else besides fear.

Again, one thing I speculate on but am not too sure of is that if you fear someone breaking into your house but logically you know it's not happening and has small chance of happening, then somewhere you're still reasonable about it and it's not exactly a delusion. hope that helps.


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

Enderbean said:


> I can't bring myself up to call my old psychiatrist, because I don't know if I 'can' still see her or if I have to go through benefits and work and see a different therapist for like 4 sessions or something stupid.
> 
> They were disturbing enough that I finally joined this forum.
> 
> ...


 yah i hear ya.for meits a little differnet. i have some ptsdnd of course i worry like crazy about my child. but its more generalized anxiety and reocurring thoughts that something bad or violent will happen to me or my family. of course having someone break into our neighbors house didn't help my fears. i really can relate to what you deal with. sounds similar. i have to distract at night too. i don't watch the news before bed or any crime shows. its a trigger for me.

i mean there are good books out there too dealing with obsessions. Stop Obsessing ..is one my therapist recommended to me. of course, im not a big reader lately but i want to get to it. if you can get in to see someone, it might help. worth a shot. or maybe in meantime try some self help books and just comfort yourself best you can when you get the thoughts. thats what i try to do.


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## Sarah1 (Feb 17, 2012)

Those are ideas of reference, and that's more than just OCD. I would get that checked. I'm schizoaffective and I have something similar.[/QUOTE] I have been to the doctor and phycolagist they said its OCD :/


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

sanria22 said:


> Enderbean, is it due to really bad depression/really bad anxiety?.


I think it actually causes me to have worse anxiety and be depressed more. They're definitely correlated but how I'm not certain.


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## Bridget108 (Nov 13, 2012)

*I have the same thing*

I have the same thing, my husband leaves for work at 3-4am and I get up at the same time to bring my daughter into our room (my son sleeps in the same room as us) and I put the dresser and the chair in front of the door (this fits perfectly snug next to our bed) which makes it almost impossible for anyone to get in. I always think that someone is trying to break in. I have the same fear of walking to my car at when it is dark. Sometimes I stay home or I don't get firewood from the woodshed because I am too scared. My husband goes fishing and hunting ALOT so in the evening time the kids and I go into one of the bedrooms and play after it gets dark. Pretty much when it is dark outside I only feel safe in my bedroom with the dresser and chair in front of the door. It is really hard for me to deal with this much anxiety, any noise after dark when I am alone makes my heart race. Sometimes I beg my husband to stay home from fishing/hunting, but he just tells me I am crazy. I will not answer the door for anyone if I do not know them too (even the postman).


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## CK1708 (Mar 30, 2011)

I would say yes, but it hasn't got to a point where its ruining my life...yet


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## wires (Apr 11, 2012)

Sarah1 said:


> Sounds like OCD I've got it aswel I'm very paranoid I sometimes think someone is in my house or that someone poisoned my food I always think that the news,movies,billboards are giving my private messages


that sounds more like psychosis. the thinking you're getting private messages from news/movies/billboards, especially.


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## wires (Apr 11, 2012)

i agree with everyone that said ocd. that sounds like intrusive thoughts. i don't think it matters whether it's you doing the harm or not - i think it's just about having thoughts that you find depressing. i said to my uncle - after watching jon richardson: a little bit ocd - that i couldn't understand why the psych thought i had ocd when jon richardson was clearly much worse than me and he wasn't classed as ocd, and he said it's not about how many symptoms you have as much as it's about how much it distresses you. idk, maybe he's full of crap. but it made sense to me.

and that door thing. i'm like that. if the doors been open (it's often open because of various things), i have to check around my room (in my wardrobe, mostly) for someone, because i'm convinced someone's hidden in there. just so you know you're not alone in that fear.


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## wires (Apr 11, 2012)

*distressing. i meant to say distressing, not depressing.

i fail at life.


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## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

I have to stop reading these threads.


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## spartan7 (Feb 25, 2011)

U could suffer from Paranoid schinzoprhrenia


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## Scorpio90 (Oct 17, 2012)

I think I have  always afraid of bothering others, always think that I'm boring, always so scared of losing someone, always always and always...


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I'm paranoid about people looking into my window from buildings on the other side of the road, so I often cover my windows after dark. Moreso now, ever since a man flashed himself at me on the subway and got off at my station(and I've seen him twice after that in the local mall, staring at me). I know that the chances of someone looking into my window are small and that I'm being silly, but I can't shake the feeling of being watched.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

I feel the same way a lot..


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