# How I was cured



## Flu108 (Jan 18, 2009)

I'm tired so I'm going to try to make this a short post, but I'll probably fail.

Basically I started having SA when I was about 10, it progressed steadily and got worse to the point that I found it next to impossible to go into a gas station to buy anything. In high school, some days, I would hold my pee all day so that I wouldn't have to use a public restroom....ect. I had SA bad.

Anyways, I underwent therapy with extremely competent psychologists, one of which was actually renown for his work in anxiety disorders and particularly SAD.

At the same time I also saw a psychiatrist for my medications. He was an extremely competent doctor as well. Over the years I tried the following;
Klonopin
Inderal
Nardil
Paxil
Effexor
Prozac
Celexa

And three others I've forgot the names of.

*None of this helped me in the least.*

Over the 10 years I suffered I was also hospitalized three times, once for a serious suicide attempt that almost claimed my life.

When I was 18, I stopped taking medications. Shortly there after my main psychologist took a job at a University in another state, and despite his protest, I discontinued my therapy.

Life was bad then, but no worse then it had been when I was taking medication and seeing a therapist. I realized they were a waste of time if they couldn't give me sizable results after many years of trying.

My life changed when I was 20. I got drunk for the first time.

When I was drunk I no longer felt social inhibition for the first time in my life, I could be myself and people could see who I really was. Much to my surprise, almost everyone liked the real me. I was able to make real friends who had already seen and known the real me drunk, friends who I could then be myself around when sober.

All this led to more confidence, it eventually led to a relationship, a job and success in college. And with each new life goal success, came more confidence and less anxiety.

So, I can honestly say I owe my life to vodka.

Today I am mostly social anxiety free, though still reserved when meeting people- because that's just a part of who I am and it doesn't bother me anymore. I no longer even drink alcohol.

I guess the moral of my story is this;

Getting over this thing isn't going to be easy. You might even find total failure in the conventional methods people lay out for your treatment process. But in the end, nothing matters but you. There is no magic bullet to kill this thing, be it medication, therapy, alcohol abuse, or any other number of purported cures.

You have to do the work. You need to find that one thing that lessens your anxiety just enough so that you can start letting people in. Because, if we're truly honest that's what this entire condition is about. It's fear of people not liking who we are that drives us to run from them. You need to slowly build your confidence, brick by heavy brick. But most of all you have to realize that you're a worthy human being and you need to start liking yourself, because it's difficult to be friends with someone who thinks poorly of themself.

In the end many people might say, "easier said than done." But that changes nothing, because it still needs to be "done," if you ever want to wake up from the hell you are living in. So stop complaining, stop looking for some magical cure, and help heal yourself.


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## davidigm (Jun 13, 2011)

Confidence is the key, I've managed to talk to people, make some friends, go to public places, it was hard and I'm proud of myself for that... But none of that has mattered because I still can't express my feelings, and is only because of my lack of self-confidence. I'm 26 now and have no idea how change, glad to hear some people manages to do it.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

Your advice is to become a raging, bloodthirsty booze hound? That sounds good!

I'm 17. I'm one of the 0.01 percent of teenagers who has never been drunk or touched weed. Maybe I'll take your advice and take a swig of the old devil's juice.

I don't know what devil's juice means. Is that even a term? Whatever.


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## britisharrow (Jun 18, 2009)

Let me tell you about alcohol. If it wasn't for alcohol I'd have no friends and no social life - TRUE.

HOWEVER.

I also wouldn't be banned from bars for being a ****, saying the wrong things at weddings, and turning up to work absolutely out my face.

So it is a double edged sword.

I doubt that your case will apply to very many people at all. You seem to be cured through your self-esteem increasing thanks to achievements made thanks to alcohol. But for the majority of people with social anxiety, as soon as the booze wears off, they are right back in the thick of the anxiety.


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## Flu108 (Jan 18, 2009)

> You have to do the work. You need to find that one thing that lessens your anxiety just enough so that you can start letting people in.


I never said you should all go out and start getting drunk. I said that's what I happened to use to start my triumph over SA. For you it might be therapy, or paxil or whatever.

I'd imagine very few people could use the route I did to get over SA, because they'd just start drinking all the time because that's easier than actually having to work through your SA. But the same can be said about the use of prescribed medications, if you find one that lessens your anxiety...I guess you can sit on it the rest of your life, but what you should actually be doing is using that window of lessened anxiety to help yourself get over your negative feelings by interacting with people in a positive way- then getting off the drugs.


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## Arbor (Jun 17, 2009)

I was glad to read this because I got drunk for the first time a month ago and I'm having a similar experience where it's lodged something in my brain that tells me "this is what it's like to not have anxiety" and that memory persists so when I'm off it I still kind of feel more relaxed than normal even a couple days after. so I drink like once a week now and that sort of let's me cut a bit sharper through the fog of anxiety.

that's for general anxiety though. no matter what I do, I'm always paralyzed in the presence of a person, I don't think I can stop that, something is messed up up there I can't deduce. but anyway, glad you made the post, I like that someone has had a similar experience where alcohol can be some kind of catalyst. for me it's not gonna be the curing kind but it's helped.


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

Thanks for posting this


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## BigDirte (Aug 12, 2011)

Flu108 said:


> Getting over this thing isn't going to be easy. You might even find total failure in the conventional methods people lay out for your treatment process. But in the end, nothing matters but you. There is no magic bullet to kill this thing, be it medication, therapy, alcohol abuse, or any other number of purported cures.
> 
> You have to do the work. You need to find that one thing that lessens your anxiety just enough so that you can start letting people in. Because, if we're truly honest that's what this entire condition is about. It's fear of people not liking who we are that drives us to run from them. You need to slowly build your confidence, brick by heavy brick. But most of all you have to realize that you're a worthy human being and you need to start liking yourself, because it's difficult to be friends with someone who thinks poorly of themself.
> 
> In the end many people might say, "easier said than done." But that changes nothing, because it still needs to be "done," if you ever want to wake up from the hell you are living in. So stop complaining, stop looking for some magical cure, and help heal yourself.


Some great ****ing advice here. I guess the next question would be, what are some things I can do to gain confidence? How can I discover my true self?

For me, I haven't always been like this. I used to have full confidence in myself. Things happened in the past few years and I slowly began to lose my identity and confidence, especially around friends and other people. How would someone discover themselves, or their self-worth?


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## tubular (Aug 13, 2011)

Somebody once told me I needed to be a drinker to loosen up. Maybe they were right.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

Flu108 said:


> My life changed when I was 20. I got drunk for the first time.
> 
> When I was drunk I no longer felt social inhibition for the first time in my life, I could be myself and people could see who I really was. Much to my surprise, almost everyone liked the real me. I was able to make real friends who had already seen and known the real me drunk, friends who I could then be myself around when sober.
> 
> ...


You have to clear a few things so you don't help people to become alcoholics.

You were not drunk during the job interview or on your first date? You are just saying you made friends when you were drunk, that made you more confident in all other areas of your life when you are sober.


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## CoreyX (May 19, 2011)

Alcohol saves lives, lol. I can't wait for the opportunity to get drunk; sounds heavenly. I've smoked weed, didn't help much at all.


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## Catherine Cavatica (Feb 2, 2011)

Flu108 said:


> I never said you should all go out and start getting drunk. I said that's what I happened to use to start my triumph over SA. For you it might be therapy, or paxil or whatever.
> 
> I'd imagine very few people could use the route I did to get over SA, because they'd just start drinking all the time because that's easier than actually having to work through your SA. But the same can be said about the use of prescribed medications, if you find one that lessens your anxiety...I guess you can sit on it the rest of your life, but what you should actually be doing is using that window of lessened anxiety to help yourself get over your negative feelings by interacting with people in a positive way- then getting off the drugs.


Agreed. Thank you so much for sharing your story You have inspired me to keep healing and moving in the right direction. :kiss


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## TrickyTrick (Aug 14, 2011)

Hey, i am glad you got rid of you SA. But i think for most people this advice won't help.
In my case having done a lot of alcohol takes away my social inhibitions, but it rarely gives me more confidence or self-esteem. When i am drunk it's like i'm not scared anymore of people, but when i talk i still sound very unconfident, high pitched and needy.

So let us say alcohol takes away my social anxiety but it doesn't also improve my social skills.
Plus for me this is a recipe for disaster. Let us say that i've made new friends on alcohol and exchanged numbers, the next day they call i will act totally awkward and scared on the phone, and i basicly lost my new friends instantly because of the social anxiety.

I don't know how it is with you guys, but with my social anxiety i can't be anything else than serious. My S.A. is just a 'serious' rush of adrenaline, making me not able to laugh at something, or take something as a joke or fun. When i have my social anxiety rush, i become this scared stiff looking, dead serious, non-joking person, with a high pitched trembling voice. I can't imagine myself talking sober with new people i've met the day before drunk. If i would they would just either think i am a strange guy, or that i am just a rude antisocial guy, and will drop me instantly.
Humor/playfullness doens't get me when i have social anxiety. Every social interaction then is like a strict serious decisive meeting between life or death. (lol how i actually wrote it)

But i can understand them, i can imagine if i didn't have social anxiety and called up my new friend excitedly just wanting 'to chat' , i go like 'Aaah Heeyy dude how are things going?' and my new nervous friend goes like 'uhhm ah hey good i guess' in a scared voice and doesn't really say anything more i would also be like wtf is wrong with him..

Cheers and goodluck with coping with S.A. people
What annoys me the most about S.A. is this terrifying adrenaline, giving me this 'fight or flight life or death attitude' when people just want to have a fun relaxed talk with me.


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## Flu108 (Jan 18, 2009)

> For me, I haven't always been like this. I used to have full confidence in myself. Things happened in the past few years and I slowly began to lose my identity and confidence, especially around friends and other people. How would someone discover themselves, or their self-worth?


If you had it once and lost it, I think dealing with whatever underlying issues made you lose it would be your key to being happy again. Not knowing whats happened with you makes it impossible to give you any real direct advice.


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

Flu108 said:


> Getting over this thing isn't going to be easy. You might even find total failure in the conventional methods people lay out for your treatment process. But in the end, nothing matters but you. There is no magic bullet to kill this thing, be it medication, therapy, alcohol abuse, or any other number of purported cures.
> 
> You have to do the work. You need to find that one thing that lessens your anxiety just enough so that you can start letting people in. Because, if we're truly honest that's what this entire condition is about. It's fear of people not liking who we are that drives us to run from them. You need to slowly build your confidence, brick by heavy brick. But most of all you have to realize that you're a worthy human being and you need to start liking yourself, because it's difficult to be friends with someone who thinks poorly of themself.
> 
> In the end many people might say, "easier said than done." But that changes nothing, because it still needs to be "done," if you ever want to wake up from the hell you are living in. So stop complaining, stop looking for some magical cure, and help heal yourself.


That sounds logical but I'd like to know where to start? I've been pushing myself to the nth limit these past two years. It's insane, even though it has somewhat helped my confidence and how I feel about myself, my anxiety hasn't gotten much better. I still suffer from physical symptoms while I'm in a certain situation. It's just that I've also made it an unconcious self-defense mechanism to deal with it in ways that do not drive my anxiety out the roof. I've learned control but apparently it's more than having control over it, it's a state of being. Is it just a sudden realization that you're worth it? I'd like to know how I can start to get rid of all these scotomas I have in social settings and in life in general...because that would be my cure. (Not including medication, since I don't wanna get into the way we're genetically wired)
One of the thoughts that invades my mind quite often is that at the end of the day whether we were anxious, faking to be someone we're not, 'we're the only losers in the end as John lenon would sing 'don't you know that is a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder'. But as with anxiety this is far from intentional and it's more like a curse. It's mostly there, at first we're in denial, then we realize is better to embrace the fact is not going away, and then you know you have the ability to kick it to the curb but is not as simple as you think.


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