# What's the Best advice a therapist ever gave you?



## cellophanegirl (Sep 21, 2009)

Anyone get any good advice in therapy? Anything inspiring, or enlightening that helped to change your thinking? Even something small or seemingly insignificant....


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

Hmm. It wasn't exactly advice, and is only a little related to SA, but a few years ago I told my therapist I didn't understand how people could face up to their badly written papers and be comfortable enough to let others read them and not care, and her response was "Because they are not their work." I spent many years focusing only on academic stuff I wasn't even completing, and what she said kind of inspired me to try new things that might give me the chance to be more than my academic work.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I guess it was something along the lines of using my jealousy and anger towards a friend as inspiration to try harder at going after the things I want.


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## Jaina222 (Nov 6, 2009)

prob the thing that's helped most was when my T said to me "it's not about you". she said that when i was with people i had this secondary voice inside my head constantly critiquing what i'd just said, telling myself that i was stupid or had said the wrong thing, or wasn't funny enough, all of this negative stuff...

she said i need to keep telling myself that "it's not about me" and to look outwardly - focusing on the content of the conversation and the other person and the situation. 

i've found it pretty tricky b/c hard not to fall into the whole patterns of self doubt, but have been working on it!


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

Become comfortable with silence in social situations as a first step.


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## 10PercentExtra (Nov 8, 2009)

not so much advice, but somehow, she got to the bottom of a 'core value' of mine which was "people are supposed to feel bad about themselves". I know, that is insane. Obviously, people are not supposed to feel bad about themselves, but that is what I walked around thinking for 35+ years.

Also - during social conversations - it is not your responsibility to carry the conversation. Let the other person(s) do some of the work too!


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## hushhush (Oct 21, 2009)

Jaina222 said:


> prob the thing that's helped most was when my T said to me "it's not about you". she said that when i was with people i had this secondary voice inside my head constantly critiquing what i'd just said, telling myself that i was stupid or had said the wrong thing, or wasn't funny enough, all of this negative stuff...
> 
> she said i need to keep telling myself that "it's not about me" and to look outwardly - focusing on the content of the conversation and the other person and the situation.
> 
> i've found it pretty tricky b/c hard not to fall into the whole patterns of self doubt, but have been working on it!


Mine is similar to this. I've heard that one before, but also an additional one.
She has to remind me that peoples reactions or moods or things they say aren't always all about me. Sometimes people are just in a bad mood, or they always look a certain way (ie annoyed) or maybe they have their own things going on. It's not all about me. and it's futile to wonder what I did wrong all the time because it's a waste of time and won't get me anywhere. I just need to ingrain this into my head because i automatically think the worst.


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## BucSappy (Sep 16, 2009)

Best advice I ever got from a therapist was to put myself out there socially because what I was doing (being lonely and isolated) isn't going to help my disorder. 

In terms of my fear of talking to women he said that i just need to let go of my insecurities because otherwise nothing would change. 

I'm lucky to have met a few really smart psychologists in my ****ed up life.


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## TATA (Sep 18, 2008)

My therapist at first session told me that because of my instability in childhood, I subconsciosly seek out relationships with "messed up" guys, otherwise I get bored. And all through out the years I couldn't put two and two together. Well, in my next relationship I will make sure not to get bored if the nice guys comes along.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I like all the posts that refer to taking the attention off of ourselves and realizing "It's not always about me!" and that other people are not paying nearly as much attention to us as we think they are...because they don't care. LOL!

The best thing I heard from a therapist was something I read for free in a book (like polythene mentioned above). And I went to therapy with 4 different people for 7 years!

It was that the short-lived, but warm, happy feelings of confidence that I would get when people would validate me, were not coming FROM other people. They were ALREADY INSIDE ME. The other people were touching on something good that already existed in me. Before this I thought I needed attention from others in order to feel good about myself.

I'm not explaining it well, but I realized I was addicted to approval, and realized I didn't need fixes anymore because i already approved of myself deep down. This gave me a stable feeling I never had before, and I also haven't felt suicidal since.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

Stop drinking.


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## jas498 (Feb 22, 2008)

My therapist told me to quit focusing on problems and focus on having fun. I know, seems obvious, but I'm always worrying about something or what other people think, how I appear, etc.


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