# are friendships even worth it?



## ladyleo91 (Oct 24, 2014)

Sometimes I find people to be so frustrating.. I'm finding recently it's been really difficult to make genuine friendships. It seems like most of the people i meet are there to use me, for example one guy a know (who i suppose is the closest friend i have at the moment) is always asking me to drive him around as he has no car. A lot of other people have started to do this as well.. they ask me for lifts and ask me to buy things for them and I always do it! because i see them as opportunities to make new friends and be nice to people.. it was good at first because people would be nice to me back and i would get appreciated and i felt like doing all of this could lead to better friendships and me feeling happy 

This kind of thing has been going on for almost a year now though.. and im finding my relationships with people are more based on the things i do for them rather than for who i am as a person.. It really stunts me.. I feel as if i can't even be myself around people anymore because it's like im not really wanted im just being used! If someone were to genuinely ask me to hang out because they wanted to and not because they need me to give them a lift somewhere or they want me to hook up with them or something i feel like i would have a lot more confidence and my personality would shine through! At the moment my self esteem is so low that ive just turned into a grovelling mess.. asking people if they want me to do anything for them and being nice all the time, but i just don't feel happy.. because i dont feel like i have anyone who i can just talk to and feel like we're equals and just say whatever i want i just feel like i should stand back and let other people talk while my duty is to come in when they need me for something else..

Is this just what people are like now? Do people not even really value true friendships..? I feel like i dont even know what it's like to be around people anymore or to bond with people on a proper level or to feel like im actually wanted anymore.. it makes me want to just stay alone and shut myself off even though i do love having friends and people to talk a lot of the time.. i know i have the ability to be a great person even though it's a little difficult for me because im so quiet, but I'm just constantly being stomped on to feel like im not worth much at all.. and im feeling like its pointless to even try


----------



## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I had a friend like that...it got old pretty quickly. You're right...it's hard to find someone that doesn't have a hidden agenda. It's especially hard when you're a nice person who enjoys helping others,...but you've got to look at it like this. A friendship is 50/50...not 90/10 or whatever else. If you're not getting out what you put in, then you should drop the toxic person and move on for your own well being. It will start to affect your self esteem(it did mine). I was mad at myself for being such a pushover...although I allowed it because I didn't mind at first. I should have said something, but it seems like such an inane reason to be bothered over and I don't like conflict.

No, not all people are like that...don't lose faith in good people. They are out there, but are just harder to find. Sign of the times I guess. You sound like a great person and are a much better friend to these people than they are to you, so do you think they deserve someone like you? Losing a friend isn't a good feeling, but it's much better to be alone than to _feel_ alone when you're with another person.


----------



## ladyleo91 (Oct 24, 2014)

thanks for your reply its all very true and helpful  i do sometimes get caught up in the fact that these people are my friends and they sometimes do seem like they care.. but its not really worth it to have a friend who makes you feel good maybe 10% when they pity me enough to show they care and 90% of the time just being there to get what they want.. you're right it has been killing my self esteem and its been effecting the way i feel about myself even with others fairly badly like im not worth their time :/ i hope i can get the courage to cut these people out for good so i can start feeling like myself again lol


----------



## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

I think friendships are important. You need a support system, people that will rally around you when you're down, help you out when you need a favor, and with whom you can share your good times with.


----------



## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Honestly, I'm pretty sure the "do nice things for people to make friends" thing is a lie propagated by people who themselves want easy favors. That, or people who are naturally appealing enough to have a large selection of possible friends at any time and only need to involve themselves with others somehow to be genuinely liked, so they don't understand why anyone else would experience a problem with the mindset.

Either way, it's the biggest stinking load outside of Scientology. Give a hungry dog food, and it will be as genuinely loving towards you as an animal can be. Give a needy human something, and you're mentally marked down as a source - but they follow the protocol of at least being polite about it. You can call these things friendships to hide their true nature if you want, but they're mostly still arrangements of convenience and it's hard to have self-respect when you'll trade for just the illusion of love.

(but it wouldn't be at all beneficial for the shallow, materialistic people of the world if everyone thought this way, so maybe that's where the "do nice things" ideology comes from)


----------



## PaTrYcK (Jun 2, 2013)

I think friendships are important, but I guess it depends on what you want out of it. Personally, in a friend I want mutual respect, someone I can go to for advice, kind of like a second counselor. Overall I don't want a friendship based on materialistic things.


----------



## Snowman 23 (Jun 8, 2014)

yes, drop these people. They are not actual friends. All they're doing is draining your energy and sucking the life outta you. If you find people who actually show concern for how you're doing, want to hear about your problems and give advice, and want to hang out with you, then those friendships really will be worth it.


----------



## Omgblood (Jun 30, 2010)

It seems like after high school people would only associate with certain people if it benefited them in some way. For the most part though friends are who have learned to remain silent about certain things. Human relationships rest on the fact that certain things are never said.


----------



## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

Friendships are important but only the ones to the right people. True friends are loyal and will allow you to be yourself as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else and not losing your integrity. No not all people are like the one guy you explained. They are just in hiding mostly cause they don't want to be used like you were. 


One way to tell if a person is a real friend is if they help better you in some type of way. And not just material like either I mean if they really help you better your character or mind or whatever then they are a real friend.


----------



## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

Friendships are absolutely worth it. Life can be so much more of an adventure with people by your side... and friends are good for nice conversations, support, help, and life in general.


----------



## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

Friendships are important if you can find someone who is a proper one and not someone who has you around to fill a temporary void or have some other use of you.

I thought considering what people go through on this site friends on here maybe more understanding and less selfish but nearly all of them have been the same they will add you when have no one else to talk to but as soon as the someone fun or hot comes along or they bag a bf/gf no more chats for you.


----------



## dre3 (May 4, 2014)

Friendships can be valuable, but you still have to make sure you are doing your part to let them know if something is too much for you or it bothers you. Good friends can make honest mistakes and may unknowingly hurt you simply because you haven't said anything. Some things are hard to talk about, but if they can't respect your feelings then they are just "fair-weather" friends who expect you to always be convenient for them.


----------



## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

They haven't been worth it so far. But that's just me.


----------



## BusWithSquareWheels (Aug 10, 2012)

Honestly? Half the time they are not worth the efforrt, amxiety and certainly not the trouble.


----------



## BusWithSquareWheels (Aug 10, 2012)

AndrewUK83 said:


> I thought considering what people go through on this site friends on here maybe more understanding and less selfish but nearly all of them have been the same they will add you when have no one else to talk to but as soon as the someone fun or hot comes along or they bag a bf/gf no more chats for you.


SO effin true. Especially the part about bagging a bf or gf. I actually think people off this forum are worse for that kinda behaviour than non-sa people


----------



## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

BusWithSquareWheels said:


> SO effin true. Especially the part about bagging a bf or gf. I actually think people off this forum are worse for that kinda behaviour than non-sa people


Definitely dont get me wrong there are some nice people on here I just cant rely on the majority as being friends occasional pen pals maybe. I just dont like feeling used in any sense, like being good enough when no one else will listen to their problems but as soon as mr amazing bf comes along life is hunkydory and you are surplus to requirement.


----------



## BusWithSquareWheels (Aug 10, 2012)

AndrewUK83 said:


> Definitely dont get me wrong there are some nice people on here I just cant rely on the majority as being friends occasional pen pals maybe. I just dont like feeling used in any sense, like being good enough when no one else will listen to their problems but as soon as mr amazing bf comes along life is hunkydory and you are surplus to requirement.


Seriously, did i actually write this post??? Lol. Iknow exactly what you mean. I have met some great people on here, only for things to sadly dissapear or for it to simply be apparent that the person wasnt so great and just taking me along for a ride!


----------



## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

BusWithSquareWheels said:


> Seriously, did i actually write this post??? Lol. Iknow exactly what you mean. I have met some great people on here, only for things to sadly dissapear or for it to simply be apparent that the person wasnt so great and just taking me along for a ride!


haha Great minds and all that  Well if it makes you feel any better its nice to know I am not the only one on here that has been treated that way


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Those aren't friends. Those are moochers. Why even honor them with the label of friends?


----------



## Shockwave The Logical (Aug 27, 2013)

If you reach out to the right people, yes. You should try to converse with these people but if the conversations are limited or small, ditch 'em.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Same thing happened to me. I do so many things for people but they do nothing back for me.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

People just use other people and when they don't get what they want, they become hostile for no justifiable reason. The entitlement some people possess these days is just baffling sometimes, such lunacy.


----------



## jim11 (May 23, 2011)

Not important. You're important, not your friends or your relationship with them.


----------



## Redarno (Apr 7, 2015)

Shockwave The Logical said:


> If you reach out to the right people, yes. You should try to converse with these people but if the conversations are limited or small, ditch 'em.


This.
The good times are very much worth it.

But speaking from personal experiences, since i'm the kind of person who always ends up ****ing it up, being used, or being th dog/jester/punchbag :
The emotional turmoil each of the few friendships i had gave me when they came to an end or when i can't figure out if it's real or not, versus how calm and complete i can feel when i'm alone, well **** it, it's a huge NO.
I'm actually giving up on this.

But as Shockwave said, if you meet the right people (as it happened sometimes for me), it can be awesome.
Don't get too close, though. Just saying.


----------



## Camel (Apr 7, 2015)

Friendship is definitely worth it. It just seems you mostly have a misfortune of meeting wrong people. When you buy a car, you will have a lot of new "friends", it happens.  Don't let people use you.


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

They are definitely worth it for the "right" friends. The best way to find out who the right ones are is when times get tough.

For most people you come across, friendship is not worth the time or effort.


----------



## Genos (Dec 17, 2014)

close, meaningful friendships are definitely worth it are but i cba with surface friends


----------

