# I tried exposure therapy during my lunch break



## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

I went to the grocery store across the parking lot because I didn't know where else to go...It didn't work out so well.

I didn't say anything to anyone. I would say I would say something and then just not do it..

I would get to scared. I thought maybe it would be easier with an old lady, since I am genuinely comfortable around them...couldn't even do an old lady and the store had a good amount of them.

I never knew my SA was that bad until I actually tried to fix it...

Help? Is it possible this is to tough for me? What would be an easier step?


----------



## VaeVictis (Jan 18, 2012)

I think you did great. How so? You got off your *** and at least tried to do something different than what you're used to! Keep doing things like that. You can't improve in one day. Took me years to get where I'm at and I still get terrified to this day. As far as something easier? Why not friend request or private message some people on here? Gotta start somewhere.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Chieve said:


> I went to the grocery store across the parking lot because I didn't know where else to go...It didn't work out so well.
> 
> I didn't say anything to anyone. I would say I would say something and then just not do it..
> 
> ...


I need more info. what can you already do online and offline without anxiety?


----------



## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

You accomplished going to the grocery store, that's great as a goal. Try visiting some other places, you don't have to talk to anyone if it's too difficult at the moment. You tried and you had the intention of talking, so you had some motivation which is good! 

It doesn't help to downplay your efforts. Focus on the things you _did_ accomplish, rather than the ways in which you could've "done better". That's unrealistic and there will always be room for improvement, but there's a time for that eventually.

I think it's easier to talk to the employees rather than a fellow-shopper. Try asking about the location of an item. If you want to keep the interaction short to begin with, ask for something that you know is only at the end of the aisle you're in.


----------



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I agree with the others, that just going to the store was a great beneficial step itself. When it comes to attempting exposure therapy, it's best to do it in terms of systematic desensitization - meaning, do it all in small achievable steps and work your way up to more challenging situations. Going into a store and hoping to throw yourself into conversation is a bit of a big leap, so obviously if you fail at it then you'll feel overly disappointed. Go for small steps, small accomplishments that will build up over time.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

^-- Yes, baby steps is the key, you can do it man! I used to be almost a complete shut in two years ago, but then I was thrust into this crummy retail job. Exposure therapy does work, you just have to pace yourself and take it one small step at a time. Now I'm able to talk with random people usually like nothing cause I can take solace in the fact that I most likely will never see them again, and even if we do cross paths again, one of us will most likely forget the other.

My SA is still bad to the point I can't trust people and am afraid to take initiative and form connections, but I like to think I'm improving... To learn how to swim ya gotta jump in the water.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Chieve said:


> I went to the grocery store across the parking lot because I didn't know where else to go...It didn't work out so well.
> 
> I didn't say anything to anyone. I would say I would say something and then just not do it..
> 
> ...


hmm okay. Well I think its better to try things that are of less high anxiety, that you can actually do. If you try to do hard things and then cannot do them it does not really help anxiety at all, because you are just reinforcing the belief that its too scary and you cannot do it.

What you would do is start at the bottom. What can I do ? Rather than what cant I do. You might find that you cant do anything, you cant talk to people. You might find that you have trouble even saying hi to people. So you could go on a walk and say hi or good morning to a few people as you pass them.

Your goal might even be to go to the supermarket and say good morning or hi or whatever greeting to the cashier when you go to pay.

OR you could start online. Your profile says you are socially anxious online too? Try posting more or something. Think of things that make you anxious online. anxiety = opportunity.


----------



## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

I know I can't improve in one day, but I wanted to at least say "Hi" to someone. I don't feel anxiety just walking around in public, unless I am in gamestop or buying something unhealthy at a grocery store, feeling like I am being judged as a nerd or unhealthy eater...even though I play games or I sometimes eat unhealthy every now and then.

Talking to people online is easy....sometimes, I can message anyone I wanted to on here and not care what they think, or at least to some...I actually care what some people on here think of me for some reason

What I can do online without anxiety is message people...but I can't do webcam. And webcam + mic is even worse for me...I would rather be on webcam than on mic.

Offline, I can be in public comfortable. If I see someone on campus who was in my high school, it is much more easier for me to say hi to them to an extent(if they dont look at me and make it awkward).

To be honest, I don't think I accomplished anything besides having the intention to go there and make an effort...but I feel like I didn't put in any effort because I didn't actually do anything. going to a grocery store is not really an accomplishment because I do it all the time when I buy fruit and vegetables.

The only accomplishment I can say is I said Hi to the cashier and asked her how she was, but I didn't even make eye contact, I just looked at my stuff while she did her thing. I was going to ask her about her thanksgiving, but it felt awkward.

I could take baby steps but I don't know what I would do next, I just wanted to say hi to people I walked by, that seems like the next step but I couldn't even do that...

I don't really know what will be the best place to start. What I thought I can do turned out to something I can't do, so I don't really know what I can and can not do...besides what I have stated.

I know I can say hi to a customer at work and ask them how they are, but that's kind of expected of a cashier and it doesn't matter, but I can't do anything more, like make conversation.

I have a harder time talking to people around my age and/or attractive than those older than me. Especially those masculine aggressive looking guys, they scare me. I have an easier time with someone much older than me.

yeah I do have trouble posting here because I have some people I care what they think of me for some reason, which is something i rarely feel like that online. I guess since I joined a community I can finally relate too, i would want to be liked I guess.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

What happens when you aim to high is it makes you feel like a horrible failure. You want to limit the frequency of this occurring. 

Your 'only accomplishment' is an accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself for that. I get nervous trying to initiate small talk with cashiers . It does not really matter that you did not have eye contact. I dont think the cashier is going to stop what they are doing to have eye contact while talking anyway  

If you did something that made you anxious, thats an achievement. 

Also. Risk = return. . As anxiety goes up, so does the rewards of achieving the exposure. If there is no anxiety or risk, no return. The longer you stay in an anxious situation, the more benefit you will get. 

You can reduce the anxiety of an exposure by leaving early. ie go on a walk and say hi to people and then pass them. This is less anxiety provoking than a supermarket as you can leave. Of course it is less effective because you are using avoidance methods, but its a start. The benefits of this activity are not significant but, it allows you to do a higher level exposure. 

You can also reduce anxiety by imagining you saying hi to someone over and over .

you can perhaps write a list of possible exposures and see if you can do any.

*also you can post youtube vids in the post a vid of yourself section.


----------



## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

Thanks for the help 

You are right(as well as everyone else who posted here as well).

I appreciate the support! 

and yeah I'll definitely give those things a try, I guess I just don't know to look at the positive sides of things sometimes


----------

