# Would u date a guy with no friends ?



## Sticky (May 9, 2009)

Yeah, that's what really stopping me asking someone out.I don't really have any good friends, most of the time spent time at home.So we won't go to any parties and it would probably a boring relationship for a girl my age and sooner it would be over, what would hurt me more.So if u had a fun life, u were good looking or u're, would u date a good looking guy with no life?


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## karmakatcher (May 3, 2009)

I would if he was willing to be more social and go out with me. We could be each others backup, so to speak. But if all he wanted to do was just sit around all damn day then I wouldnt be interested at all.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

You're bound to get a skewed response in here because everyone is in the same boat socially.

But common sense tells me that if someone had an active social life, they probably wouldn't want to be with someone who had none whatsoever.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I would if he also fit the other things I was looking for. I have no friends myself and would actually prefer a guy with no friends. You should be going for girls that are like you. Why would you want someone outgoing if you have SA anyway? It would never last.


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## Ununderstood (Jun 8, 2005)

Seeing it from a guys perspective, I would actually date a girl with no friends. I go to some parties here and there and drink with my friends so I wouldn't mind taking her to these places. It would be a good place for her to make some friends to be honest.


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## DepecheEyes (Aug 19, 2008)

Sticky said:


> Yeah, that's what really stopping me asking someone out.I don't really have any good friends, most of the time spent time at home.So we won't go to any parties and it would probably a boring relationship for a girl my age and sooner it would be over, what would hurt me more.So if u had a fun life, u were good looking or u're, would u date a good looking guy with no life?


Maybe it would be best if you spent your time making new friends first and then seeking girlfriends. Yeah, I know easier said than done! Perhaps you could try The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D Burns. It could help you to reduce your social anxiety and build that confidence to meet new people. Also, I wrote two blog entries on how to reduce anticipatory anxiety. This exercise was so effective that it seemed I temporarily terminated my social anxiety disorder when I went to my volunteer interview!

I'll give you two links. The first one teaches you how to identify irrational beliefs. The second one teaches you how to dispute them. Here they are:

http://dreadkiller.wordpress.com/2009/04/29/how-to-deal-with-a-dreadful-social-event-in-the-future/

http://dreadkiller.wordpress.com/2009/05/02/how-to-reduce-anticipatory-anxiety-part-2/


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Sticky said:


> So if u had a fun life


Have you looked around the site at all, lol? I'm assuming that you want an opinion from someone who has a normal social life with friends, but that may be hard to find around here. For me, I would date a girl with no friends. I'm not dating her friends. I'm dating her. I'm sure it will be brought up in time about why she doesn't have any friends, but it is something that can be overlooked.


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## iamthewalrus (May 17, 2009)

Ok, first of all, I have no first hand advice to offer. I have however, seen what happens with relationships that friends have had with significant others that do not have a good deal of friends of their own. The real problem is that when things get tough in the relationship, inevitably the party without many of their friends end up suffering more since they have less of a support network. Even worse, if the relationship breaks down, the other party may feel they are losing not only their significant other, but any friendships they have gained from their ex's friends. (hopefully that sentence makes some degree of sense)

Does this mean I think this is a bad idea, per se? Absolutely not. It IS a complicating factor. However, there's no such thing as a perfect match, a perfect scenario. And in this case, the situation can be heavily obviated if you at least makes an effort to make friends during the relationship. 

Either way, if you care about the person, or feel you might, then this is simply a complication, and it should still be worthy of a chance.


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## randomname (Nov 5, 2008)

I'mkind of a weird place. I actually have a fairly large group of friends (10 or 15 people) that while I wouldn't dream of relaying my personal feelings to, and get ridiculously worked up prior to hanging out, I adore and have fun with them once I'm out. Which possibly puts a bit of a doubt on my SA but that's more because I've grown back with them after a year basically alone apart from the boy as part of my attempt to get over this. whereas the boyfriend, though people like him, has no close friends apart from me and pretty much never accepts invitations to go out and doesn't socialize at sixth form. People like him but they never speak to him because he is very closed-off.

I quite like this aspect because even though I get terrified I like seeing my friends, so when I persuade him to go out and he does have a good time it makes me feel doubly good for overcoming the scariness enough for us both to enjoy ourselves, like I am strong enough for us both. And if I don't manage to persuade myself and get upset over it then he makes me go out, and that makes me feel better too because I know that he's also strong enough when I'm being a bit weak. I think that because we're equally socially ridiculous though in different ways we kind of balance out.

I don't think this was helpful at all for you. But if you find the right, understanding person then he/she would hopefully not only at least try to understand how hard it can be but would do something to help you get through it. Not everyone will work out, maybe you not having a large group of friends or for some completely different reason. But when it's the right person, it will. So keep your hopes up 

And sitting at home isn't always so bad if you connect with someone  me and the boy spend most of our lives sitting in his room messing about on the Wii or talking about random stuff. As long as you're with someone who you're comfortable conversing with - and if you aren't comfortable conversing with them, then you shouldn't be with them - then not going out that often isn't too much of an issue. Though hopefully it'd help you enough to give you the courage to go out every so often at least


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I'd prefer to date a guy with no friends, but we'll never meet.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Yes, I would. It's difficult to imagine myself having a fun, asctive social life, but I think I still would. I love my bf, but his friends? Ugh, they're horrible. Obviously I'm glad for his sake that he has friends, but from a purely selfish point of view, it would be better for me if he had no friends!


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

As long as he'd date a girl with no friends and he was willing to go out and be social, sure.


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## Tall Steph (Mar 18, 2009)

From my personal experience, I would honestly run in the opposite direction. I had my own social life (nothing like "normal", but satisfying enough) and he took that away and sucked the life out of me.

Having very few friends or not at all isn't so much of an issue compared to the constant clingy-ness and severe dependence issues. 

Find a nice quiet girl that isn't into partying, and then restrain yourself from becoming a leech when she wants to have her own time with her friends and such. All will be spiffy. :yes


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I have this fear as well, that if in the unlikely event that I ever go on a date, the girl will ask about my friends. But I have none. How does one go about saying that he has no friends?

And yes, I would definitely date a girl with no friends.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Date a girl with little/no friends ?...Maybe

Have a relationship ?...Nah - i hate being smothered.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

seanybhoy said:


> Date a girl with little/no friends ?...Maybe
> 
> Have a relationship ?...Nah - i hate being smothered.


How do you know she would smother you?
Just because she has no friends, doesn't mean she doesn't have her own life.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Iced Soul said:


> How do you know she would smother you?
> 
> Just because she has no friends, doesn't mean she doesn't have her own life.


Like anything it's down to the individual.

Too true, again depending on the individual that may or not be the case,
buuut a girl i was dating had no friends close by and as a result she was ALWAYS txting every two minutes aww man it was borderline obsesssive and hence that is what i meant by being smothered as a result of her having no other outlets.

Needless to say i didn't commit.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Iced Soul said:


> As long as he'd date a girl with no friends and he was willing to go out and be social, sure.


I agree.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

seanybhoy said:


> Like anything it's down to the individual.
> 
> Too true, again depending on the individual that may or not be the case,
> buuut a girl i was dating had no friends close by and as a result she was ALWAYS txting every two minutes aww man it was borderline obsesssive and hence that is what i meant by being smothered as a result of her having no other outlets.
> ...


Well, yeah, some people do get like that because they like to latch on to whoever is around and they have nothing or no one to take the focus from you, but if they have a life and things/people(who may be sort of close, but not friends) to occupy them, they shouldn't be like that.

Good you didn't commit, she might have become a stalker if you'd have stayed around.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Yes, I'd date someone with no friends, preferably if he had some sort of hobbies/work that occupied a decent portion of his time though. I want the same for myself.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

if I dated anyone I'd prefer that he had no friends so at least we'd ****ing have that in common.


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## Ericisme (May 8, 2009)

I wouldn't date a guy in general!!

Although, if it was a girl with no friends. I'd actually prefer that, to be honest. I get way, way too jealous, I bet. I catch her talking to a friend on the phone, I'll think it's a guy that she's flirting with and just get even more paranoid after that... lol...


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Yes. If I didn't I'd be a hypocrite (having no friends myself).


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I'd date a girl with no friends.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'd date a girl with no friends, because I practically don't have any friends and we'd have something in common.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

I have no friends, and girls date me, so yes, it's possible.

I think it's hard on them, though, because they have so many roles to fill. They have to be my friend, lover, confidant, etc.and I think they feel smothered by the pressure and leave. I recognize this as a problem, but I don't know how to fix it. But as long as they're willing to keep dating me I guess I'm willing to keep dating them. 

I really need to fix my anxiety and learn how to make friends again, though. It's not fair to them.

I drove through town today and there are so many people out on a Friday night. I feel really pathetic knowing I'm going to spend almost all of my weekend indoors alone.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

I would prefer a girl with no friends, since we could both relate in that matter and I wouldn't feel awkward having to be around new people and all that.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

I kind of feel like it would be nice if I were dating a girl who also had anxiety, not because I want her to be friendless for ever, but because we would have the same insecurities and could explore together and help each other. The girl I'm seeing says she used to be as bad as me, but she's in therapy and on drugs which I guess makes her better.


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## Omnium11 (Feb 11, 2009)

Ok this thread makes me feel much better. I would definitely date a girl with no friends and would prefer she had no friends. We could be friendless together and have that in common and rely on eachother for emotional support. I honestly don't see myself dating a girl who does not have social anxiety.

We need to start a person with no friends dating service.


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## Ericisme (May 8, 2009)

Omnium11 said:


> Ok this thread makes me feel much better. I would definitely date a girl with no friends and would prefer she had no friends. We could be friendless together and have that in common and rely on eachother for emotional support. I honestly don't see myself dating a girl who does not have social anxiety.
> 
> We need to start a person with no friends dating service.


:yes:yes


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

It's fine with me...so as long he knows what he is doing with his own life.


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## Empress_D (Jan 18, 2009)

i AM dating a guy with no friends and that doesn't bother me. i'm his best friend and that way we're just a lot closer


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## Cerrada (May 26, 2009)

My last boyfriend didn't really have any friends. But it's not because he couldn't make any, it's because he just moved to this country and didn't really know anyone. We didn't smother each other either. We only saw each other maybe 1-2 times a week and we barely talked on the phone or anything. It was actually kind of a bad relationship...only because I thought that he was cheating on me the whole time. And he was a liar. I had a lot of trust issues with him.


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## cheerio (May 9, 2009)

I wouldn't mind it, only if he has interests or hobbies that takes him outside the house and likes going out. Personally, I wouldn't mesh well with someone who only wants to stay at home all the time and doesn't appreciate the experiences that comes along with going to different places and trying new things.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I'd date a guy with no friends. He certainly couldn't judge me for lacking a social life. I might be concerned about being smothered, but I'm not a smotherer despite being lonely, so I know that just because someone has no friends doesn't mean they will smother their significant other. I know there are people who have lots of friends and still manage to smother their significant other.


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## Hellosunshine (Mar 13, 2009)

I couldn't see myself dating a guy with a bunch of friends. First I would be so intimidated and probably wouldn't be myself. Him hanging out with his friends or forcing me to hang out with them would probably be a point of contention. I prefer someone who can understand me and my weirdness. We could push to be social together and support each other through our struggles.


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## Alone42Long (Apr 23, 2009)

That's encouraging. I always thought that was another delima. The whole social proof thing. I know a lot of people & could hang with them & call them friends but they're really not very honorable type people that I really want to hang with.

It would be nice to find someone similar. Maybe we'd meet another nice couple or two to have get togethers with or go out & do things as a group sometimes.

Some things are just ridiculous by yourself. I've never water skiid although I'd like to try & learn sometime. How does one drive the boat & ski at the same time. Sure you can pay people but a lot of things are so much more fun with someone that's a friend not payed or a group than alone. Going to restaurants is a big one I pretty much don't do by myself but will in a heart beat if I'm taking someone else,meeting someone else or going with someone else. Most this stuff I could take or leave alone but much more open to & fun with company.

So yeah it's discouraging when people automatically conclude that because you don't typically do xyz now that you wouldn't under diff. circumstances or you'll auto be clingy, etc.


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

If everything else was great about the person, why not? I'm not dating his friends! I don't have friends either, so we could be friendless together


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## AshenSpirit (Jun 1, 2009)

Well I had even more friends than I do now, but I guess I've always been somewhat standoffish around people I don't know or aloof or something akin to that.

Anyways, I asked out this girl who used to talk to me and she turned me down.

The part that bugged me is that I found out she liked me, but she thought I was a social 'loser' or something so she didn't want to date me.

It's the same thing at work too. The boss likes you but then it's like you against or separate from the rest of the co-workers so you end up with less back-up and favors.


But anyways, I was really picky too and turned down a lot of girls who asked me out.

Maybe you're having the same problem?


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Ununderstood said:


> Seeing it from a guys perspective, I would actually date a girl with no friends. I go to some parties here and there and drink with my friends so I wouldn't mind taking her to these places. It would be a good place for her to make some friends to be honest.


What am I supposed to do, spin on my head ?

Just because I don't like clubbin, they tell me I'm boring. But there are lots of places I could think of taking a girl, without 100 people watching.

i.e. hiking, diving, a day at the beach, the movies, fishing..

see I mentioned 4 fun things there that don't involve dancing !

And occasionally, I would go to the club.


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