# I put my TRUE profile on okcupid



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I was really nervous, but I figure what the heck. I was honest on it.
I warned everyone about my SA and that I need to trust people before even thinking about getting close, so hopefully that will keep any non-serious people at bay.

my profile- http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lonelyguyny


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Fixed the link.


----------



## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

There are lots of theories on how to do these profiles. Sometimes being fully open and honest can be as good approach as any, so good luck to you.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Aw, I hope this works out for you.

I laughed about the part about you catching bugs for her, I thought that was really nice.

This is bold. I wouldn't have the guts to put up there what you did. About not working and not driving and having no money. You're right, that's completely honest. I think you're right that that will mean you only get serious responses, because I can see that putting off girls that just are the kind of judgemental flaky type. 

Are you looking for another girl with SA? I could see you getting a response from another girl who has SA, maybe.

I hope it works out!


----------



## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

Copy and pasting profile onto my dating profile. Just kidding. Can probably find someone on sas who fits the description you want.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

The trouble is someone may find me as a match, but live nowhere near me. Reality is (especially since I don't drive) the Woman must be within a mile or two of me to even stand a chance. That's going to narrow my choices dramatically.


----------



## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

Offer them a trip to the Big Apple . Of course they would have to fit the bill. But you could be the tour guide! I'm sure women from all over would like to see New York City.


----------



## dirtyglass (Feb 1, 2011)

Keith, meet Kool Keith.

Great bio man, real nice and honest like your heart shown the world, jus know it aint gonna get ya laid by most chicks. Only SA girls gettin vibes from that. Now I love some SA girls but the chances you findin a SA girl on dating site is downright miniscule. My advice…. don't focus on the *perceived* negatives in your life, and for god sake no talk about boobies till you at least SEEN THE GIRL. You off to a good start, jus write more positives and stop apologizin cause that aint necessary.

PS I & any woman ain't gotta know how your room smells unless you cookin me dinner. Room smell good cause you cookin food right?


----------



## Its Not Me Its You (Dec 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> The trouble is someone may find me as a match, but live nowhere near me. Reality is (especially since I don't drive) the Woman must be within a mile or two of me to even stand a chance. That's going to narrow my choices dramatically.


If she must live within a mile or two you may aswell do a neighbourhood doorknock :?. Seriously thats not the only thing diminishing your choices, Why the need to set 'rules' about a womans breasts in your profile? Your profile states all your shortcomings yet a list of her must haves, hardly seems reasonable. Sorry.


----------



## umieraj (Jan 8, 2011)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> If she must live within a mile or two you may aswell do a neighbourhood doorknock :?. Seriously thats not the only thing diminishing your choices, Why the need to set 'rules' about a womans breasts in your profile? Your profile states all your shortcomings yet a list of her must haves, hardly seems reasonable. Sorry.


I agree. It doesn't seem very fair. At the end of the day, isn't the heart and connection more important than physical appearance?


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I would get rid of a lot of those details you provided in your profile. Better yet, register with POF. Tons of chicks on that website.


----------



## Tsubasa_ (Jan 31, 2011)

umieraj said:


> I agree. It doesn't seem very fair. At the end of the day, isn't the heart and connection more important than physical appearance?


I agree as well. I would just display less focus on physical traits.

But good on you for putting on a profile on OkCupid! If I am honest, I don't really dare to do it myself :teeth So good on you! I hope you will be successful in finding a partner through this method. Good luck


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I was on the border about the breast thing, but most girls know or care how guys feel about breasts, it's a given. I don't like big breasted women, and whether they read it now, or I had to tell them in a message, there is no easy way to put it.

I emphasized about being natural or small, as that usually is what guys don't like ( or so I've noticed ) I have to be honest.

I know women with big breasts and they have all developed back issues with age. Knowing that, it turns me off. And I couldn't bare seeing someone get surgery for that.

Other than this, my whole profile is about personality or finding someone who has common interests.

I tried re-wording that part of my profile, no idea if I made it better or worse. Ironically all my "ideal matches" are overweight, the ones I dont find physically attractive. I admit, my significant other has to be somewhat attractive (what I find attractive), other part good personality and likes me back.

However, as far as friends, they would be great, looks dont matter in friendship. Mabye that's a start?


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I took the dating test, and I like what it says about me! Apparently, while all the cocky guys knock up hot girls and leave them, those ladies go to me and want to spend the rest of their life with me because I appreciate them. Nice! http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGLD&g=1&o=1


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

From one New Yorker to another: good luck. Hopefully it goes well.


----------



## viv (Feb 8, 2009)

Kudos to you! You're far more brave than I am!

I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot with the bit about your dating preferences. If you absolutely _must_ mention breast size, it's sufficient to say that you prefer natural and smaller breasts. Leave it at that. Also, if you aren't interested in someone who messages you, you don't have to tell them why. There's no need to say, "Your breast are unattractively large and I've seen too many women with back problems" :b.

If you're interested in editing your dating preferences section but are unsure of how to go about it, I'm sure people here could toss out some good ideas.

Good luck!


----------



## Its Not Me Its You (Dec 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> I was on the border about the breast thing, but most girls know or care how guys feel about breasts, it's a given. I don't like big breasted women, and whether they read it now, or I had to tell them in a message, there is no easy way to put it.
> 
> I emphasized about being natural or small, as that usually is what guys don't like ( or so I've noticed ) I have to be honest.
> 
> I know women with big breasts and they have all developed back issues with age. Knowing that, it turns me off. And I couldn't bare seeing someone get surgery for that.


Geez your feet must be sore from all those conclusions you are jumping too!!

So a woman can demand your penis to be a certain length, girth, etc in a message and thats cool too, right!? :roll

With your attitude to women and relationships Im not surprised you are single. Its all about you you you.. what are you bringing to the table to offer her!!


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Holy wow, that must be the most brutally honest and forthcoming dating profile I've ever read.

I'm not sure the "lay out your whole life" strategy is a very good one for dating sites, but who knows... maybe you'll get lucky.

I'd suggest making some changes to your dating preferences section.

The bit about the breasts was most amusing... OK it was downright hilarious... But this isn't a good thing unless you were shooting for satire... I'd suggest getting rid of those comments.


----------



## ready (Sep 2, 2009)

This is online, laying everything out will at least make sure that if you find someone, there will be no surprises from them, no fear of rejection for you, and no need for you to reject anyone. GL.

I feel like the profile's main objective as it is worded now is to prevent rejection from the other person though so that later, if something happens, you will be able to say "I told you how I was beforehand." It is very negative in tone, not balanced with your pluses and minuses. You start with the negatives instead of focusing on your positives. I'd suggest changing that. Start talking about who you are, what is important to you, how you live your life, etc. and then go into whatever perceived negatives you would like. I'd suggest doing the same with your thinking. After reading the whole profile, you seem like a decent guy. Just gotta see yourself that way.

And i agree with what was said earlier by one person about the breasts. State your preference, no need to talk about why you don't like large breasts.


----------



## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

If you're looking for a relationship, I'd think you want to exclude people from consideration who would clearly be wrong for you. I guess it becomes really important to be sure that they'd be wrong for you, though.

If you message a woman and she checks your profile and comes across the section about breasts, for example, and not fitting your preference decides not to message back, are you at all concerned that she might have been good for you in all sorts of other ways? 

If that issue alone is enough to cause you to be uninterested in a woman who is otherwise attractive to you, then leave it in. If not, then think about a re-write.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Sorry, we're:

_47% Match
64% Friend
38% Enemy_

Not a close enough match, but we can be friends.


----------



## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

^lol, I had to log in to see what mine was:teeth
66% Match 
59% Friend 
25% Enemy


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> Geez your feet must be sore from all those conclusions you are jumping too!!
> 
> So a woman can demand your penis to be a certain length, girth, etc in a message and thats cool too, right!? :roll
> 
> With your attitude to women and relationships Im not surprised you are single. Its all about you you you.. what are you bringing to the table to offer her!!


Women do demand from Men just as Men demand from Women. Men are supposed to to make the money, care for the women, and most want strong guys to protect them. Most ment want a women who will cook for them when they are home, spend time with them, and not empty their wallet. Steriotypes exist no matter what gender.

with some of your negative comments, I can see why your probably single too... and with a username "it's not you it's me", you must not thinking highly of yourself and I bet your always negative with everything you say. You would NEVER be someone i'd date your a nightmare too over emotional.

I am not changing who I am for anyone, I am myself. I would rather have a girl accept me for who I am and what I believe in, than some fake broad who doesnt even like me and fakes a relationship just because they are desperatly alone and want fake love to make an ex jealous. I want someone I find hot, there is nothing abnormal about that.

I can offer lots to someone I love, but all you did was emphasize on all the negative things.

As for the rest of you who gave mature advice, I removed most of the breast paragraph, just that I want someone natural not too big.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Error post


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

This all got taken too far.

I didn't post my profile to find a girlfriend here, I only posted it to show everyone that there is no need to be afraid to try online dating. If by chance someone on here is a match that's great, but I'm not Saying it has to be someone with SA, I actually like outgoing women a lot.

I never wanted a debate do I'm sorry I made some of you feel like you have to be on the offense. Sorry it's not you it's me. For some reason I can't edit the above post.


----------



## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

Women have breast reductions all the time. Keep that in mind.


----------



## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

keithp said:


> some fake broad


Dames, amirite? Always showing off their gams and trying to double-cross a fella.

ok i'm out of 1920s lingo.

But seriously though, I think what people are trying to point out is that it seems a bit hypocritical to expect someone to accept you for you, including whatever shortcomings you may have, while you seem to be hung up on a somewhat shallow physical trait that is out of a woman's control. It kind of gives the impression that you care about what's going on with her chest region more than you care about what's going on in her mind or heart (I'm not saying that you do, I'm just saying that's the impression that it may give to others).

It's ok to have preferences, but just be prepared to get judged by the same measuring stick that you use to judge others.


----------



## ready (Sep 2, 2009)

Doesn't matter dude, don't worry about it.


keithp said:


> This all got taken too far.
> 
> I didn't post my profile to find a girlfriend here, I only posted it to show everyone that there is no need to be afraid to try online dating. If by chance someone on here is a match that's great, but I'm not Saying it has to be someone with SA, I actually like outgoing women a lot.
> 
> I never wanted a debate do I'm sorry I made some of you feel like you have to be on the offense. Sorry it's not you it's me. For some reason I can't edit the above post.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

dirtyglass said:


> Keith, meet Kool Keith.
> 
> Great bio man, real nice and honest like your heart shown the world, jus know it aint gonna get ya laid by most chicks. Only SA girls gettin vibes from that. Now I love some SA girls but the chances you findin a SA girl on dating site is downright miniscule. My advice&#8230;. don't focus on the *perceived* negatives in your life, and for god sake no talk about boobies till you at least SEEN THE GIRL. You off to a good start, jus write more positives and stop apologizin cause that aint necessary.
> 
> PS I & any woman ain't gotta know how your room smells unless you cookin me dinner. Room smell good cause you cookin food right?


A**, meet face. My a** and your face.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Okay, now being serious.

I think there was nothing wrong in what you wrote...however, may I make a suggestion? Try to be honest, but also try to see the _possibilities_ in what you could do.

Like saying this:



> I am 25 and never been in a relationship. I am also a virgin. However, I am a very kind and gentle person, as well as intelligent, and I'm sure you could "train me" in any way you wanted. I also come to the name Fido, and salivate at the ringing of a bell...


You see what I did there? I poked fun at myself, while being honest and not putting myself down. A girl would probably lol at that profile, and say, "I want to get to know HIM!"

Damn, I just gave away my secret. :lol:

But seriously, I'm older than you and in the same boat with inexperience, so it's not like I can really offer much advice. But my suggestion is to lay off the negativity, and put in some positivity along with the honesty. Also...joke around a bit. Every girl likes a sense of humor, and you're not a bad looking guy (no ****.)

Also, don't mention breast sizes. Even if she fit those breast sizes, she would say, "I don't want HIM! He's hateful of women who have bigger breasts! What an idiot!" and she'll click off of your profile. You should never mention physical attributes like that, especially breasts (which are linked to sex, and no girl wants to know that a guy is only looking for sex...even if you weren't, that's the way you'd come off as.)

I like smaller breasted women too, but you should always keep your mind open. Women aren't exactly knocking down your door, so you should be open to whatever might come your way...within reason, that is (don't date someone you find "completely" unattractive, for instance...)


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Thanks for the advice. I had 1 women kind of like me, but we live too far apart so online friends is the best I got, but it shows promise there are Women for me out there. 

The reason I sort of didnt write jokes, is that ai was picked on and made fun of in every sort of way growing up. I tried the "laugh with them instead of getting mad" approach, and it never worked. On top of that, those guys were labeled as jerks by girls for being so immature, but the girls never made fun of me for being myself.
So I don't joke much as it tends to make me seem immature, in person I act more sophisticated, but that doesn't mean I won't laugh at a good joke.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

keithp said:


> Thanks for the advice. I had 1 women kind of like me, but we live too far apart so online friends is the best I got, but it shows promise there are Women for me out there.
> 
> The reason I sort of didnt write jokes, is that ai was picked on and made fun of in every sort of way growing up. I tried the "laugh with them instead of getting mad" approach, and it never worked. On top of that, those guys were labeled as jerks by girls for being so immature, but the girls never made fun of me for being myself.
> So I don't joke much as it tends to make me seem immature, in person I act more sophisticated, but that doesn't mean I won't laugh at a good joke.


Did it maybe cross your mind that it was the guys who were picking on you, it was their problem and not the girls'? Because it seems like they were standing up for your right to be yourself.

And girls like immature men. Trust me. They want someone who can walk the line of immaturity and maturity...why do you think Robin Williams and Jim Carrey are such high sex symbols? Their looks? Please!

Women like funny men.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

So OK I am jumping back in this thread for a minute.

I posted before, and did not make any suggestions about the dating profile because frankly, Keith didn't ask for them. But apparently we are all giving them anyways!

I too had the adverse reaction to the breast paragraph. I understand the need to state your preferences but someone with such specific requirements comes off slightly controlling. I am the proud owner of big knockers, but even had I tiny melons, I wouldn't have replied because of that impression.

My only comment/question is this: are you only interested in finding girls that fit your current ideal physical looks? I would encourage you to open your mind to more types of women's looks for two reasons. One, if a girl clicks with you you might begin to find her attractive based on her awesome personality, despite not being your current idea of a perfect ten. Second, as you admit to not having much experience with the ladies, you might find what you THINK you are attracted now will change as you go on more dates and meet more women. Looks are indeed important in a relationship, but being a little more relaxed and accepting of them will give you a much wider lady-pool to find a good match. And, might keep your focus on the girls personality, which - trust me - is what counts.

Again, good luck. I hope you read this post, because this is truly coming from the heart below my big natural breasts.


----------



## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

This thread's tag cloud, for the none of you who wanted to see it.


----------



## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I think it's a great profile. If everyone on dating sites were that honest, there would be a lot more good matches made, in my opinion.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

ozkr said:


> This thread's tag cloud, for the none of you who wanted to see it.


How do threads generate tags, I thought the OP had to tag the thread? That's interesting.

Your all forgetting something, if let's say a women isn't what I find dating material, that doesn't mean friendship can't happen.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Given that "cloud", and that you are not a female, I would say that you did well!


----------



## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

keithp said:


> How do threads generate tags, I thought the OP had to tag the thread? That's interesting.
> 
> Your all forgetting something, if let's say a women isn't what I find dating material, that doesn't mean friendship can't happen.


I used an external tool. I just plugged in all the text from this thread. It's interesting to see what everyone chose to focus on, isn't it?


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Oh, my new okcupid profile has us at:

_66% Match
79% Friend
23% Enemy_

That's much better, but I expected the match to be higher since I too write about my love for big white natural breasts (that are not _too_ large).


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> If she must live within a mile or two you may aswell do a neighbourhood doorknock :?. Seriously thats not the only thing diminishing your choices, Why the need to set 'rules' about a womans breasts in your profile? Your profile states all your shortcomings yet a list of her must haves, hardly seems reasonable. Sorry.


I agree.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> So a woman can demand your penis to be a certain length, girth, etc in a message and thats cool too, right!? :roll


Why on earth would a woman care about THAT??!


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Mercurochrome said:


> Oh, my new okcupid profile has us at:
> 
> _66% Match
> 79% Friend
> ...


You do realize i'm straight...


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

^No, I didn't.

Now I'm awfully embarrassed.

I thought all boys were at least bi. Oh, my uneducated mind.


----------



## Its Not Me Its You (Dec 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> with some of your negative comments, I can see why your probably single too... and with a username "it's not you it's me", you must not thinking highly of yourself and I bet your always negative with everything you say. You would NEVER be someone i'd date your a nightmare too over emotional.


PMSFL :hahaBest laugh I have had in ages!!! If you only knew dude!


----------



## Its Not Me Its You (Dec 30, 2010)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Why on earth would a woman care about THAT??!


You're being facetious surely!?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It's not the size, it's how you use it.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Mercurochrome said:


> ^No, I didn't.
> 
> Now I'm awfully embarrassed.
> 
> I thought all boys were at least bi. Oh, my uneducated mind.


Lol were all comedians tonight.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> You're being facetious surely!?


No understando por-fa-vor.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

keithp said:


> Lol were all comedians tonight.


Why the past tense?


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I found some cuties today online, and they are close by to me. I rated them so they know I like them (thats the sites way of telling someone you like them without messaging) I found lots of 4 out of 5 (I dont like to ever put 5, because nobody is perfect, but 4 equals what I consider nearly perfect)


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Its Not Me Its You said:


> Its all about you you you.. what are you bringing to the table to offer her!!


This is what I got from that profile as well. I hate to say it Keith, but that honest profile and a post like this that show you need to change your outlook....



keithp said:


> I am not changing who I am for anyone, I am myself. I would rather have a girl accept me for who I am and what I believe in, than some fake broad who doesnt even like me and fakes a relationship just because they are desperatly alone and want fake love to make an ex jealous. I want someone I find hot, there is nothing abnormal about that.


Though Its Not Me Its You put it more bluntly than necessary, relationships are not a one way street and frankly, if you expect your dream women, who will read your profile which consists almost entirely of your faults, to magically message you, and also live withing a few miles of you, because you aren't willing to drive to see her, I really don't know what to say. It's a nice fantasy, to expect the world to fall into your lap, but that's not how things work.

Look at nature, in almost all animals the male must out-compete other males to get his mate. Humans are no different. There is a damn good reason why animals don't show off their faults, because they don't make you attractive, and they are not going to win you favors. The fact of the matter is, like Its Not Me Its You asked, what do you have to offer a women? There are countless men out there, you need to set yourself apart, and you don't do that in that profile.

I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm saying, but I can only be honest. As much as I would like to say "good for you!" to make you feel good, it would be a lie to say I think you have any chance with that profile.

Good luck either way.


----------



## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

Sooooooooo Have any females contacted you yet? Is OKCupid free?


----------



## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

au Lait said:


> It's ok to have preferences, but just be prepared to get judged by the same measuring stick that you use to judge others.


And the same goes for women. That's right. Nobody's owed anything. Nobody gets the upper hand or the choice. No matter the gender.

So according to women, he HAS to change himself? But yet, for women, they can just be who they are and guys will still be attracted to them? And leave the "guys only want supermodels" defense to the side. It's no secret that even overweight women can find some desperate dude who will be interested. Unfortanetly, the same can't be said for a guy in the same situation looking for a woman. Doesn't sound good to me.


----------



## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

LonelyJew has some good advice. I just looked at your profile and didn't get very far...it seemed a little negative. You can be honest about yourself but try to be a bit more positive about it and put a humorous spin on it possibly? 

I don't understand the rating thing, but if someone rated me 4 out of 5 stars, I might think they weren't 100% interested in me...like why not 5 stars? Why rate me at all? Haha.


----------



## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I think part of the problem here is that the OP is from the NY area and people from outside that area have different ways of doing things. In NY coming right out about preferences is more normal than the rest of the country and seemingly, in some foreign countries. When I lived in NY I knew a woman who would say she only wants a man who is 28yo. People say stuff like that all the time there. Or you meet Puerto Rican women who say they only date Dominican men. Or the women who only date men who work on Wall Street. I think within the region the OP is from this profile wouldn't draw all the critical remarks its drawing here on this forum.


And about the breast thing, its his life and he's free to live it as he chooses. I don't see why so many people here on this forum think freedom is a one way street where their group can do as it pleases but everyone else has to be burdened with the judgement of others.


----------



## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> And the same goes for women. That's right. Nobody's owed anything. Nobody gets the upper hand or the choice. No matter the gender.
> 
> So according to women, he HAS to change himself? But yet, for women, they can just be who they are and guys will still be attracted to them? And leave the "guys only want supermodels" defense to the side. It's no secret that even overweight women can find some desperate dude who will be interested. Unfortanetly, the same can't be said for a guy in the same situation looking for a woman. Doesn't sound good to me.


Chill. No one is making this into a gender issue but you. Of course what you quoted me saying applies to women as well. When did I ever say it didn't? Although I'm not sure what you mean by "nobody gets the choice"...I never said that...everyone has the right to choose what they want..I just think people should keep an open mind and not judge on appearance alone.

I disapprove of shallow people, regardless of gender. It just so happens that the OP in this case is male. But you know what? I would have given the same advice if the OP had been a woman complaining about penis size or whatever.

If you haven't noticed, both men AND women are pointing out that they see a problem with what the OP wrote. Stop seeing women as the enemy. Stop assigning devious motives to us that aren't there. Take a breather from the gender debate. Everything will be ok.


----------



## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Online dating is not a place where you should look for too much of a good thing. It is just an easier way to meet people otherwise. Why not use that to your advantage? I mean you are looking for a 'profile' of a person who you think is someone you are attracted to. You still need to meet this person in real life and interact with them. Whose to say you even really know what you are looking for til you get out there and see?


----------



## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> And the same goes for women. That's right. Nobody's owed anything. Nobody gets the upper hand or the choice. No matter the gender.
> 
> So according to women, he HAS to change himself? But yet, for women, they can just be who they are and guys will still be attracted to them? And leave the "guys only want supermodels" defense to the side. It's no secret that even overweight women can find some desperate dude who will be interested. Unfortanetly, the same can't be said for a guy in the same situation looking for a woman. Doesn't sound good to me.


What she means is if men want X, Y, Z, don't be angry if you get judged and are rejected because you are A, B, C. Obviously, there are some standards that are reasonable, but way too many times, people are too specific in who they want.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Rasputin_1 said:


> Sooooooooo Have any females contacted you yet? Is OKCupid free?


Yes it's free, and yes females have contacted me in my area, and most share the same interests as me. I want to start out as friends, and then if I'm sure they say they are who they are, then dating. I just want to make sure if I fall for someone, I fall for them, and not lies they used just to get attention, that's the hardest part of online dating, unless you see them in person they can put fake photos and info up and you won't know if it's true.


----------



## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

lonelyjew said:


> Though Its Not Me Its You put it more bluntly than necessary, relationships are not a one way street and frankly, if you expect your dream women, who will read your profile which consists almost entirely of your faults, to magically message you, and also live withing a few miles of you, because you aren't willing to drive to see her, I really don't know what to say. It's a nice fantasy, to expect the world to fall into your lap, but that's not how things work.
> 
> Look at nature, in almost all animals the male must out-compete other males to get his mate. Humans are no different. There is a damn good reason why animals don't show off their faults, because they don't make you attractive, and they are not going to win you favors. The fact of the matter is, like Its Not Me Its You asked, what do you have to offer a women? There are countless men out there, you need to set yourself apart, and you don't do that in that profile.


Listen to this.

Honestly, OP, you're no prize yourself, so if you're not willing to change anything about yourself or to be less rigid with your standards, at least omit some of the faults you listed on your profile. Things like having no friends, living with your parents, the reasons why you dropped out of college -- a potential date doesn't need to know those things until you win her over with your personality and/or shared interests. Why highlight them right off the bat? Why not talk a bit about what you _want_ to be doing with your life instead of focusing on your limitations?


----------



## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

keithp said:


> Yes it's free, and yes females have contacted me in my area, and most share the same interests as me.


Wasn't expecting that with such an honest profile, heh.


----------



## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

keithp said:


> Yes it's free, and yes females have contacted me in my area, and most share the same interests as me. I want to start out as friends, and then if I'm sure they say they are who they are, then dating. I just want to make sure if I fall for someone, I fall for them, and not lies they used just to get attention, that's the hardest part of online dating, unless you see them in person they can put fake photos and info up and you won't know if it's true.


Females have initiated contact with you? Have you gone out with anyone yet? First, I've just seen so many guys here on SAS say how hard it is to just get a response from girls on these sites. Also, I'm curious what girls say when they initiate contact? I can't imagine doing this.


----------



## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

I agree that maybe OP shouldn't have posted all of his problems and limitations. Being honest doesn't necessarily imply having to say everything about you.

At the same time, I don't think it's completely wrong to explain who you are, where you come from, and what you want from a potential partner. 
I know it might seem picky or somewhat arrogant to have very specific preferences, but to anyone ****ting on OP's profile should keep in mind that they also have preferences, and would not settle for just anyone who is willing to be with them. Who is anyone to decide who OP is worthy of being with based on the fact that he is lonely and shy, or that he has certain preferences?

Some people don't date outside their race. Others don't date outside their religion. Some people don't like people who are taller than them. Some people will not even consider being with someone who doesn't like cats. Are they being picky? Should they settle if they find themselves lonely? Get off your high horse people: EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN PREFERENCES.

Keep in mind that people with SA also fear rejection. Maybe by telling people everything they can expect from him and everything he expects from someone else, he might be limiting his opportunities to find someone, but he is also limiting the risks of disappointment and rejection.

Was OP too honest about his defects? Maybe. Was he very specific about the qualities he seeks in a potential partner? Sure. Some might see it as picky or arrogant, but I see it as cutting the bull**** and avoiding not meeting expectations. What's the point of omitting the fact that you are _______ (insert quality here) only to let the fact that you are _______ be a critical factor in future relationship failures?

"I thought you were taller", "I didn't know you had anger issues", "I didn't think you would mind me ordering for you", "You didn't mention you smoked", "100lbs overweight is not 'more to love'", "Two kids?, "The angle in that picture made you look very different" Do you want to have any of those thoughts crossing your mind when you meet someone?
Everyone wants to keep certain details off their profile, but why waste everyone else's time if you are going to eventually let everyone know the reason why you were not able to find a partner in the first place? It is a website and it gives you the opportunity to give and receive as much information about yourself and others as you can, so why not cut to the chase and be honest? Why characterize yourself as anyone who you're not only to initially deceive, and then disappoint?

Hey, maybe some people meet people who are 100% perfect for them. Some people meet someone who meet 50% of their critieria, but they both grow on each other and love each other despite their differences. But if you are trying to find someone online, why not try your luck and see if you can find someone who you might really like from the get go?

But whatever... I'm rambling and this is all over the place and probably very redundant. I went up and down as I edited it, but I'm tired now.


----------



## Emanresu (Jun 2, 2010)

umieraj said:


> I agree. It doesn't seem very fair. At the end of the day, isn't the heart and connection more important than physical appearance?


Why do people always say this? Yes at the end of the day it's about heart and connection. But in the morning it's about make-up and pop-tarts.


----------



## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

There are lots of good points in your post, ozkr, but I would humbly suggest that not all preferences are created equal. I would prefer to not date someone who lives with 500 cats and spends every evening watching episodes of Two and a Half Men. It would be hard to fault me for this preference. However, if I said I would only date people with brown eyes... There might be a few suggestions that I might have unreasonable expectations because a) I actually happen to have blue eyes myself and b) limiting myself on that basis would be kind of stupid because it doesn't really say anything about what kind of person they are and I could be missing out on a special relationship that might otherwise happen.


----------



## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

I definitely agree. I think setting strict and very specific rules about what I'd like in a woman is detrimental to the whole dating process. I think that would limit my opportunities to find someone who I really like. Sometimes there are compromises, sometimes there is a tweaking of preferences, sometimes there are newly found common interests, and sometimes there is attraction and affection that grows slowly over time and due to shared experiences. E.g. He didn't like cats, but he liked that woman so much that he's now willing to put up with cats. He didn't like small breasts, but her personality is so awesome that it didn't matter. She didn't like chubby guys, but she liked his sense of humor so much, that it didn't matter. 

But in this case I think OP is aware of that, and although I wouldn't use his methods or profile style, I respect him for knowing what he wants. I think that as long as someone maintains his expectations at a level relative to his abilities and his preferences, that someone should not be shocked about how his chances of finding someone he likes are affected. The more specific you are, the lower your chances (imagine there was a chart of some sort illustrating that here.) Certain preferences might leave you with fewer people to choose from, but at least those people are more compatible with you. At least in theory.

What I'm more surprised about here is the way people reacted to OP's profile in such a negative way and with such indignation. "Who are you to say this?" "How can someone like you be so picky?""You're being too unfair." Hey, the site is there for people to look for other people who match their interests and preferences, so maybe in this case his profile is meant for a very specific set of women who happen to want everything he offers, and offer everything he wants. For example, his profile is for people in small area of New York. What if the perfect woman for him is a few miles outside that area? Oh well... that's his problem.


----------



## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

In lieu of a long angry point-by-point rebuttal I will just say I agree completely on all points articulated in the last post.

And...I think I understand the reason for your post earlier. People can be unduly harsh around here sometimes.


----------



## iuseings (Nov 11, 2009)

I don't think with your profile you'll have to worry about women with breast implants contacting you, no offense. As someone wrote before, you outline a sore list of short-comings and then get on particulars of what you would want in a woman, oh man. That made me laugh. I think you should simply ask for a woman who would be able to see beyond your short-comings and get to know you. If you're going to be honest like that, well, like a job interview, it doesn't always get you the job. Some times it doesn't hurt to make yourself sound a little more accomplished or interesting.
:/


----------



## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

iuseings said:


> I don't think with your profile you'll have to worry about women with breast implants contacting you, no offense. As someone wrote before, you outline a sore list of short-comings and then get on particulars of what you would want in a woman, oh man. That made me laugh.












:b


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

melissa75 said:


> Females have initiated contact with you? Have you gone out with anyone yet? First, I've just seen so many guys here on SAS say how hard it is to just get a response from girls on these sites. Also, I'm curious what girls say when they initiate contact? I can't imagine doing this.


We talk about our interests, it's not hard to have a conversation with girls like everyone thinks.....

I had a bunch of girls as friends, it's just girlfriends I never had. Girls like me believe it or not with my personality, it's just my looks keep them from dating me. If it wanst for that i'm sure I would be married by now, SA would not stop me from that. It's also hard because i'm interested in the Outdoors. In NY you dont exactly find many people camping and hiking and all that much. If I could I would move out of NY.

You can offer advice, but if your going to be snobby about it and play judgement games dont think anything you say will even be remotely taken seriously by me, it wont matter if your a man or woman, that's unacceptable. This is my life, not yours. know your limits.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

keithp said:


> I had a bunch of girls as friends, it's just girlfriends I never had. Girls like me believe it or not with my personality, it's just my looks keep them from dating me. If it wanst for that i'm sure I would be married by now, SA would not stop me from that. It's also hard because i'm interested in the Outdoors. In NY you dont exactly find many people camping and hiking and all that much. If I could I would move out of NY.


That's simply wrong. Looks have their part, but they definitely don't play the major role in getting girls attracted to you. I've seen plenty of men who I'd say are worse looking than me have more success than guys who are better looking than me, the critical factor being in their attitude. Outgoing, confident, fun guys are attractive, timid, shy, overly polite guys aren't. I've had girls like me but my inability to act, or me being overly nice always did away with any chance I had with them. The best example of this being my first GF. She was attracted to me because of my looks since we were kids, and when I finally began to date her she quickly lost interest in me because I wasn't the confident man she needed. While I liked being the nice gentleman, that's not what she wanted, and it wouldn't have been fair for me to tell her to adjust because things like that aren't in our control.

Looks will only get you an initial attraction, but they alone can't satisfy the needs of most women in a relationship, and neither can even good friendship. You need to make yourself a worthwhile partner romantically as well, which isn't necessarily even physically, but simply being able to keep her attracted to you. A women, just like you, has needs, and the need for visual attraction is not nearly as high as mental attraction. Heck, looks alone aren't even for shallow guys, hence the saying "next to every beautiful women is a man who is bored of what he once would have killed to have."



keithp said:


> You guys can offer advice, but if your going to be snobby about it and play judgement games dont think anything you say will even be remotely taken seriously by me. This is my life, not yours. know your limits.


You shouldn't write off good advice, even if it is put bluntly, or poorly, or by someone you don't like. Sometimes you might not like to hear what people have to say, but that doesn't make what they're saying any less true or profound (assuming it was true and profound ). Just saying.


----------



## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

That was hilarious because it was so nerdy. I don't mean it in a bad way. This part cracked me up
"I'm tall and thin, my upper body strength is not too strong so i'm not very "macho", but I get things done if I need to lift/move something. This is why I suck at most physical sports like football,wrestling,karate,baseball, or swimming."

Brutally honest, best of luck man, hopefully some woman gets you back ( i only read the first post in the thread, so if your already got laid double kudos)


----------



## Colhad75 (Dec 14, 2009)

I've never found dating sites useful at all, tried many times got nowhere.

I think the hardest thing to get right is your profile, even if you're honest that could also be your undoing. 

I've given up on dating sites though, never worked for me.


----------



## FadeToOne (Jan 27, 2011)

hah, I don't know about these websites.

One one hand, I feels like surrender. It's like begging the world for a girlfriend. Yet it is how you meet people when you can't find something else. And maybe finding a match in interests gives you a better chance than someone random in the real world. Though they say love has no logic, so having a match might be the opposite of what you need.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I changed my profile again a bit, reworded some stuff and organized it more, I found that my information was all mixed up in the whole profile instead of being under the correct categories.

Within a day I had a bunch of girls view my profile, even found 2 women who gave me a good rating, and I agreed they had a good rating too.

But I found my problem, all of my ideal matches live over an hour and a half from me, and by that I mean New York City. I live on Long Island, NY, and it's quite far away from the city. And if anyone has had to travel to NYC, you would know if there's traffic, it can be hours of bumper to bumper traffic, and they were extremely attractive and had the same interests as me.

No way I could even have a girlfriend living there id never be able to meet with her. Now I know why I have not had any luck with finding someone close.... if I was in NYC I have at least 20 good matches! no joke my jaw dropped I was in shock.


----------



## woot (Aug 7, 2009)

Well then, you will need to move to NYC


----------



## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

keithp said:


> I changed my profile again a bit, reworded some stuff and organized it more, I found that my information was all mixed up in the whole profile instead of being under the correct categories.
> 
> Within a day I had a bunch of girls view my profile, even found 2 women who gave me a good rating, and I agreed they had a good rating too.
> 
> ...


A lot of people on there use NYC as their location because it's more appealing than LI or say one of the outer Boro's. And it doesn't take hours to get into the city by car lol. And even if it did you could take the LIRR in.


----------



## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I have to say again that I think this is a good profile. 

In my philosophy, dating is about getting to know the other person and finding out if the two of you like each other and make a good match. The best profile is one that gives as complete and objective a description of yourself as possible, so that members of the opposite sex can get a good idea of who you are and how they would get along with you.

To me it's a mistake to "spin" you profile with the goal of attracting as many people as possible. I would rather have fewer dates that are better matches.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

LonelyGuyFromQueensNY said:


> A lot of people on there use NYC as their location because it's more appealing than LI or say one of the outer Boro's. And it doesn't take hours to get into the city by car lol. And even if it did you could take the LIRR in.


With no job comes no money to take that.


----------



## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

Omg OP...you answered over 1500 questions?? O_O Wow.


----------



## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

Why wouldn't you date an atheist?


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Why wouldn't you date an atheist?


I dont know what that is.


----------



## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

keithp said:


> I dont know what that is.


Is there a weird philosophy in place here, or do you really not know what the term _atheist _means?


----------



## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

keithp said:


> I dont know what that is.


It's someone who does not believe in the existence of a god or higher power.


----------



## bafranksbro (Feb 19, 2011)

You know... I think he's onto something here, I kinda did the same thing with my OkCupid Profile... just not with specific requirements a woman needs to fit. I made it as positive as I could and tried to work in some humor. I did this yesterday, I wake up today and for the first time in a LONG time I got a message on there from someone, someone with SA. To be honest I'm shocked, pleasantly shocked.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> It's someone who does not believe in the existence of a god or higher power.


I would probably not be bothered by it, my family is a different story. They dislike not getting married in a church. I know it should not matter, but I would probably not hear the end of it. And what about kids, do you teach them there is a god, or isnt? My cousin did not get married in a church, her husbands entire family disowned him and they don't speak, my grandparents were mad, and they ended up having a private wedding, nobody invited, it went down as the worst wedding anyone ever had.


----------



## LonelyGuyFromQueensNY (Nov 10, 2010)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Why wouldn't you date an atheist?


Are you interested in Keith ? I want to play matchmaker for you two. I'll help you guys


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

If anyone wants to add me as a Friend on OKcupid you can. Just go on my profile, and save me to your favorites. You can jsut send me a message saying your from here if you want.
If you want you can give friend awards on their too, other people see awards you give.


----------



## misswho (Feb 21, 2011)

Good for you Keith!
Few people are totally honest & truthful on the internet & for you to be so open, especially with SA, more power to ya!!!

What you did was super brave & I think girls will admire that quality


----------



## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I would check your grammar a bit. It may seem like it's not important, but at least as a guy I remember being turned off by it in the past. Although, what turned me off was usually the extreme. Not that my grammar is that perfect, but I know it can't hurt to fix your errors. For instance, there are a couple of parts where there is no space after your comma. In the beginning, you say "I am not scared of them" when it's better to use _afraid _in place of _scared_. There are a couple of points where you should have used a period instead of a comma.

The not working thing is going to turn away a lot of women. I don't mean to ignite a gender war as I've seen it plenty on SAS. It's just kind of the truth, especially as women your age are often finishing college and maybe considering grad school. People tend to want someone that they think is on their level, and often education/career is a sign of that, even if you just spent 4 years in college BSing, smoking pot. Then again, some women just don't care. Maybe you shouldn't be so honest. I put up an honest profile a few times on OkCupid where I basically admitted to being a big loser that didn't care about the rat race, etc. I always got a lot of views but no responses. It seemed like when I did get responses it was when I was less detailed and lengthy. There were some exceptions, though. You might get a pass because of the economic situation, but I would really try to avoid talking about work. Work has nothing to do with love, or at least it shouldn't. If somehow my girlfriend puts up with my work refusing a-s, then you probably have a shot. I didn't go into the relationship with detailed information about my employment status. I don't drive (by choice) either, which pretty much puts you officially into the "no thanks" camp for another huge percentage if you don't live in a city. To be fair, though, I didn't meet my g/f online, so our relationship developed without the bias and emptiness of internet profiles. Anyway, you seem like a nice, dorky guy. Like someone else said, maybe you have to focus less on yourself and more on what you can share together. Don't put too much faith in meeting someone online, or even in the idea of having a girlfriend. In my case there are definitely pains that come with being who I am. My girlfriend becomes frustrated with me when I seem negative and I don't want to do anything. She wants me to "apply" myself or to "do something." I'm kind of nihilistic, but I'm also just set in my ways with no intention of changing that much. You may meet someone but there will be tests down the line. Sometimes you'll have to step out of your comfort zone. Things work out... usually... occasionally... it depends.


----------

