# Finding it impossible to get friends at university



## HM37 (Sep 26, 2011)

I have about 10 people who I say hi to and would feel comfortable having a chat with, but I never get invited anywhere, don't have my own social circle, and live by myself. I'm in my second year, and having done half my degree, I'm losing hope.


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## ACCV93 (Sep 6, 2012)

lol 10 people is more than me. There's only like two or three people I've talked to much at university... I keep to myself most of the time. It's hard to get to know anybody. A lot of ppl already seem to have their circle of friends. :stu


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

I'm happy at uni.... but I really can relate. I am on a sports team, have lived with people in dorms, now in a house, know some people on my course...... but friends? Sort of. But no one I regularly "do things" with.


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## Cael (Feb 18, 2013)

Same with me. I only have several hi-bye friends but don't have any friends that I will hang out with like going to lunch together etc


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## thisismeyo (Feb 15, 2013)

Last quarter i said hi and stuff to a bunch of classmates when i saw them. I talked to them a little small talk, started convos, but made zero friends ahaha. Its harder in college compared to high school. This quarter im completely silent


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## awkwardbanana (Feb 24, 2013)

Same boat, kind of. :/ 

By some miracle, the first people I spoke to on the first day of classes (that is, before I got terrified and lost my nerve) turned out to be commuters like me, and really lovely. Other than them, there are a few people I know from classes and clubs that I feel like I COULD be friends with if I could maintain a conversation for more than 30 seconds without putting my foot in my mouth. And everyone else's. Basically I've been really surprised by how many lovely people I've met at uni, and am really frustrated with my inability to be lovely in return.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Does your uni have clubs or sport teams that you could join? If you're living alone and not on campus, the clubs are probably your only entry into finding a social circle (and a very effective way to do so).


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## Ellie242424 (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm in my first year. When I first started, although being nervous all the time I did manage to get a few good friends that I went out with, etc. But then some dropped out, and I lost friends.
The location of uni is in a very dull, rough, down and out place, and there aren't many students at all. After a few months I drifted apart from them and now most people seemed to have formed close friendships. I find it hard to develop a deeper friendship with someone, so it kinda just stopped me making friends.
I live in a flat with one flatmate, who I was also pretty good friends with at first, but now we hardly talk. It doesn't help that she goes home ALL THE TIME to see her boyfriend, so I practically live alone. I get very lonely being alone at the weekends with absolutely no where to go. I have only made one proper friend, this is the only person I could just meet up for lunch with or something. But now she's dropping out, just my luck! I really like her as a person, but I think she's depressed, and so am I, so whenever we arrange to meet one of us bails, and I haven't seen her for a while, although I do speak to her on facebook.
Because I hate the area I'm in, I'm moving in September to a city even though I'll have an hour commute. I'm scared this will further isolate me from everyone on my course, whilst also being scared I'll make no friends in this city, because I won't be going to uni with anyone. It might happen all over again. 
I wish I was better at making friends and forming a close bond with someone. I have 2 friends back at home who are that type of friends, but because we're all miles apart we only see each other months apart. The only time I feel normal is when I'm with them. My anxiety almost completely goes.

I feel like this whole education thing isn't for me. I'd love to be confident and do well, but I'm not. But if I drop out I'll be as depressed as I already am but I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm an interesting person on the inside, but come accross as really boring and weird to others because my SA hides who I really am


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

Join a club or organization. Most universities have a ton of clubs and organizations for a wide variety of interests (we even have a quidditch team at mine!). It's a quick and easy way to find people who like the same thing(s) you do to be friends with - not to mention most clubs/organizations have plenty of events and meetings to go to.

Outside of extracurriculars, you could try meeting people in your classes. Find someone approachable, sit next to them, make small talk for a couple of classes and then before a big test, ask them if they want to study together. This is an easy way of at least making acquaintances and possibly friends.


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## Nono441 (May 14, 2012)

allthatsparkles said:


> Join a club or organization. Most universities have a ton of clubs and organizations for a wide variety of interests (we even have a quidditch team at mine!). It's a quick and easy way to find people who like the same thing(s) you do to be friends with - not to mention most clubs/organizations have plenty of events and meetings to go to.


Of course, joining a club requires you to overcome social anxiety (or be in an altered state of consciousness). Unless it's like a nerd club or something, but then the whole point is missed.



allthatsparkles said:


> Outside of extracurriculars, you could try meeting people in your classes. Find someone approachable, sit next to them, make small talk for a couple of classes and then before a big test, ask them if they want to study together. This is an easy way of at least making acquaintances and possibly friends.


This rarely works. People in lectures are generally not approachable, are already with people, already have their social circles and are not looking for company while listening to the lecturer. Or they are absorbed in their vapid facebook/other activities. Take your pick.


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## A SAD Finn (Sep 16, 2007)

I've been at uni for five years and I hardly know anyone there. It's pretty ridiculous so I'm slowly trying to change that. It's not easy though which is pretty funny because I work as a cab driver and I have absolutely no problems talking with my customers. At uni I'm like a totally different person though.


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## Matthew987 (Feb 4, 2013)

Im in the same situation as you. I want friends and a social life but have know idea how to socialise with my flatmates who are the only people I talk to at all. They dont really attempt to speak to me even though I never ignore them. I could not join in the parties on freshers week and have no social circle now.


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## MeekShadow (Mar 4, 2013)

Similar experience here too. I'm in my second year of uni, and don't really talk to anyone except for my lab partners. I considered joining clubs but I don't have anything I'm interested in and can hold a conversation about. I have no friends or sort-of-friends at uni. The only friends I have go to different unis and I only meet once or twice a year. :\


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## Landry (Feb 25, 2013)

I have the same problem. I was actually sort of popular in high school, but when I moved out of state for college, I was never able to get that back. I don't know how to make new friends! There isn't much for friend-making in classes, and though I know many people have to be in the same boat as me, it seems as if everyone else already has plenty of friends.


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## Nighty (Apr 1, 2011)

ColeO said:


> I have the same problem. I was actually sort of popular in high school, but when I moved out of state for college, I was never able to get that back. I don't know how to make new friends! There isn't much for friend-making in classes, and though I know many people have to be in the same boat as me, it seems as if everyone else already has plenty of friends.


Agrred, had friends and now seems like i don't know how to make friends.


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## tristatejosh (Mar 10, 2013)

I've gotten into the habit of talking to people that I sit next to in class, but no one that I regularly hang out with/have dinner together/study together in the library/go to activities.
I end up doing most activities solo.


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## Miyu (Mar 10, 2013)

I think some of my classmates got quite fond of me as the quiet one in class. I haven't been to classes last week, since I had to learn for exams and I heard that they miss me at classes and that I should come again soon.~

but yeah, making friends at university is really hard, especially since I avoid all the social gatherings and theme parties and such, partly because of SAD, partly because I'm not at all interested in them. and it seems to me like over here ... in my year at least, everyone goes to those parties. and so many conversations revolve around parties. and I think it's just boring.


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## aloof (Mar 13, 2013)

I'm a sophomore and I have no friends. I had no friends in high school. I have a roommate but I do not talk to him. I'd prefer to live alone if I could... living in a hall stresses me out.


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## misspeachy (Aug 11, 2011)

When I first started at university... I got soo tired of people saying "hello" to me... I know they were only been friendly etc, but honestly it felt so impersonal and a far cry from the more personal conversations I missed with my sister. 

Just try to ind a way to share experiences with people, 10 people is a great starting choice!


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## BelowtheCurrent (Mar 14, 2013)

Don't worry. Ever since I moved my sophomore year of high school I have had no real friends. I am in my 3rd year of college, and just feel hopeless. I talk during class to some mates but that's it. No social outings or anything. Each semester I try to sit next to someone I think I might want as a friend, and i am able to start conversation but after that out of nowhere, that person already has a friend in the class, and boom my chances are blown. I don't want to be a stalker so I stay away.


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