# Friends that flake out/dont reply/dont answer. How many chances?



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Hey guys so im writing this thread cos im a little unnerved, but also cos im curious...

How many times/chances would you say u text/call/ somehow reach out to ur friends and ask to hang out etc? How many times do they reply? How many times will u do this and get either no answer, or some vague answer like "cant, sorry. busy" with no follow up or first texts from them. Basically any sort of care on their part till u give up and stop trying??

I think i can honestly say...

95% of my friends (i have about 6 close friends atm) and another 2 friends i havent even heard from for ages so i cbf anymore... anyway... 95% of them wont reach out to me, i have to reach out to them. Now obviously ppl have lifes, jobs, other friends, relationships etc... but. I feel like even when i am busy i still have time for ppl i care for most.

Sorry i ramble.

Question;

How many times will u try to make plans to hang out with ur friend, before u give up and walk away? I would say for me, 4 or 5 times, then i cbf cos it hurts too much..:blank

Discuss.


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

I've never asked people to hang out that much in the past. When I did, Almost all of the time, they're busy. Always busy. When we did go out, it would feel somewhat awkward for both of us. These people hardly ever reached out to me if I didn't first. At this point I don't have "friends" to talk to, nor do I have anyone to hang out with. I'm ok with that.


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## bracelets91 (Nov 27, 2012)

I'm in a similar situation. I've known this person for about nine years, and she recently stopped maintaining contact with my other friend and I. She will not respond to texts, calls, and in those rare moments she replies, she agrees to some plans only to cancel them later. She was going through a rough time in her life, but she was like this since before. Now she didn't even respond to birthday or holiday texts. The last time we saw her was in August. My friend and I are at a loss of what to do, but after so many failed attempts of getting in contact with her, we're starting to give up. I'm starting to accept that she might just not want to be around anymore. People I've considered "friends" have always gone out of my life without so much as a "Goodbye", so it's not very surprising, but like you said, it still hurts.


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## hgroog (Nov 11, 2014)

usually for me, by the 3rd time if they don't bother then I stop bothering as well. No need to waste time with people who won't waste time on me. :/


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

hgroog said:


> usually for me, by the 3rd time if they don't bother then I stop bothering as well. No need to waste time with people who won't waste time on me. :/


Yup. Thankfully ive sorted some stuff out with a friend recently so i feel a whole heap better. There are still some friends who i met recently and made friends with them but, after like 2-3 times of me texting them after that day that i met them.. no response at all. .SO I gave up after a couple weeks of waiting and just deleted their numbers.. And also 1 other friend i literally havent seen in like 3 months and ive tried 5 times to make plans with her and she never responds. She says when i bump into her at work (local supermarket) 'hey sorry ive been soo busy i got ur message but didnt have time to reply' I dont know... im just sick of trying with her. She cant be THAT busy if she also tells me about parties and stuff she goes to.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

I'm actually the friend that flakes out, usually my friends are the ones that do the planning. But it's usually because of my SA that causes me to flake out on them in the first place, especially if they're in a large group or if I haven't seen them for a while.


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## Doppleganger (Jan 26, 2015)

I cut them off after the 2nd or 3rd try of trying to hang out. but only if I just met them. I'm a hypocrite though. I flake out sometimes too. It's really hard to make friends once you make things complicated in your head.


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## qwiet (Dec 6, 2014)

If you're the one initiating, I would just try randomly a few times. If they always say no, I would assume they never will at that point. But I probably wouldn't be mad or cut them off. I might ask them again at a later time like 6 months or whatever. There are different kinds of friends, ones you can text, ones you do stuff with, etc... 

What's worse imo is the "friend" who initiates plans with you and always flakes out at the last minute. Happened to me soooo many times with this one girl recently and I was so pissed off. But I did not cut her off or yell at her about it, just distanced myself and stopped answering most texts. Because she also asks for things and help like a leech and it gets annoying. She also wanted to exchange xmas presents, I had her stuff, she flakes out, I finally just mailed it to her. She said she'll do the same, never did yet lol. Some people are just bad friends and self-absorbed.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Few times. I'm done with my friend.


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## wolf32 (Dec 6, 2014)

I'm almost quitting trying to hang out with my friends again. I tried using Facebook to reach them again after a few years, but it didn't work.
I used to have a very active social life with them. 
So in December I went back to Facebook to try and contact them, I called, got numbers back, but no one showed any interest.
The funny thing is last month, my best friend that was like a brother to me, said he made the same mistake, that he only focused on his job and was trying to meet the rest of the group again through Facebook too.
But he also showed no interest in hanging out again. I tried asking averyone to have a beer and meet again to talk but it didn't work.
It may just be a time of our lives before more positive energy comes in and we 
meet other people. I'm still trying to be optimistic about restarting my social life.


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Probably after the second time.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I use to wait for friends to reach out to me, only to later find out there were many times they've hung out without me. I attributed to me not reaching out to them enough, and them seeing that I don't reach out, they don't invite me as much thinking I am busy. And also giving them the benefit of doubt that they are busy with their own lives. 

So I began trying to reach out to them more frequently. But most times they will not reply, or gave me a very late reply. On top of that, it still did not increase the frequency of them inviting me/snubbing me when they hang out.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Barring a known scatterbrained personality or hectic schedule, 2 out of 5 for flakes. If they're not willing to make and hold new plans with me in the near future if they wind up sick, forgetting that we were _discussing _it, or with a request from the family they're not worth my time whether or not it's intentional. I'd try to be understanding, but I'm not running myself ragged trying to keep them in my life.

Past that, some people like to play games to see if you'll keep seeking them out or keep you on the back burner in case of severe boredom. I let them know I'm not a trained dog by letting the line go silent.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

I say 2/3 times without reply I give up.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

This thread is so depressing. So many flakes these days.


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## Crispy Taco (Jan 22, 2014)

Probably after my third attempt at contacting them. If they pull out the "too busy" or "I have to check my schedule" excuse again, I just move on and stop contacting them again. I have zero interest in conversing or trying to meet up with someone that has no interest in talking to me.


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## 4EverLostGirl (Feb 2, 2015)

I'm so friendless that I will even take fake ones if it meant we got to hang out on a regular basis. It's odd really. I can't stand going out, but I would certainly like to go places and not feel alone. I literally have just one friend and a whole bunch of people that have met me, but aren't really friends. I am at a point in my life where having friends would mean me getting back on my feet and working again. I've lost a handful of jobs now due to my SAD and no matter how much i liked them, apparently they didn't like me. So many times, they have misread my anxiety for snobbishness, and I feel damned either way. Talk, and I am someone who thinks i'm better than them, don't talk and i'm too good to talk to them. I like me, and if that's all that really counts, why does it hurt so much? In any case, having a network or a shoulder helps and if you can't get one, may as well try self-reliance.


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## wolf32 (Dec 6, 2014)

I remember people in the 80s and 90s not being like this. How many times my brother and my sisters would seek friends that they hadn't seen for a long time, even the creepier ones. Well, they still do it. And they're in their 40s now. 
It seems now like people stick to a group in their late 20s and don't give a f*** about 
anyone else.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Call em on it and if they keep doing it, let them contact you. If they only contact you when they need you, call them on that, and if they still act like jerks, cut em loose


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

i noticed my older brother (same age as you) has stopped going out with his friends now they've all got jobs and girlfriends ect. it could just be them being busy but fi they keep saying no then maybe wait for them (or wait a few months or something before asking again)


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## Anti depressant (Jan 29, 2011)

Why do some people never respond to your text and not reschedule? It just seems really rude. It's almost like it's asking to be ignored. 

Most of my friends get back to me, and, say I have had a few canceled plans this week- already- but it's been rescheduled to Wednseday. I may be moving up a plan tomorrow too because of the weather- I'll see how bad it is tomorrow. But, there are two friends of mine I've considered good friends of mine, and, haven't responded at all or initiated contact with me in any way. One of them I stopped talking to February 16th and another I stopped talking to February 17th. I just get tired when someone stops responding and never initiates at all. Even people I don't talk to that much at least initiate sometimes...


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I've initiated something probably 4 times in my life and got rejected or ignored every time. Now I just wait for the other person to do everything.

To answer the thread, I'd say 2 chances.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I feel like I'm that person that ignores texts/messages or anything social really.
My personality is so bland, how would I contribute effectively to any conversation.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I dislike that it's almost like you are chasing people down just to get their attention and company. After a bit it becomes clear that the other person either doesn't require your services anymore as a friend, or is just someone that doesn't care about maintaining the friendship/busy with life.

It is a bit depressing when you can feel that you need their friendship more than they need yours.


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## Anti depressant (Jan 29, 2011)

It turns out that the people that I was upset about flaking earlier got back to me and managed to set something up and I've been enjoying spending time with them. Sometimes people are just busy I guess. If they're a habitual flaker or no-replyer that's another issue...


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

I would say three is a good number... But I'm usually not that patient. In practice my number is usually closer to two


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## CryingWolf (Mar 11, 2015)

I would probably only try twice. Even just getting ignored once is bad enough and a fake 'I'm busy' is even worse to take. 
It's funny because I spend so long writing out my messages to people I think are my friends. And when people can't even be bothered to reply - it's a little bit of a joke... I don't get how people can do that.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

UPDATE;

I've stopped trying altogether. If ppl wanna see me,they can make the bloody effort lol. Ppl are far too tiring for me to be concerned with anymore.. bleh


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## catdoll (Dec 27, 2012)

I tried to reach out to a friend ive known since I was a kid. But it had become like awkward between us. whenevre I tried to ask if she wnated to do something. It was always like maybe or I will see. It felt like she didnt want to talk whenever I tried. So I was like this is the last time I will try, I mean really last time. Our friendship has been on and off since 3 years . I do feel better than having a friend who is not intrested. best choice ever ^^


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## VeryLoco (Mar 23, 2014)

Im sometimes the friend that flakes, its just that sometimes I feel so down I dont wanna hang out with anybody, so end up not taking calls or replying to texts, ofc people see this as me not liking them.


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