# I do not suffer from social anxiety.



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

ardrum said:


> ardrum said:
> 
> 
> > 35+31 = 66
> ...


Wow, I've come a long way.

I took the test again today.

Results...



> 27(fear) + 26(avoidance) = 53
> 
> You do not suffer from social anxiety.


I think this is sounding increasingly accurate too!

While there are specific contexts that still cause me to experience social anxiety, my SA is so low now in soooo many contexts that overall I don't think I really "have SA" anymore in general.

Oddly, it's not like I feel excited or thrilled. It's not that I'm unhappy, but it just seems natural. I'm not surprised by these results at all. I just feel a lot more calm and mellow about my situation as a whole.


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## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

good job! You haven't ever taken medication for this condition correct? What did you do to improve?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I tried medication (Paxil), but it only made me feel sad (at worst, wanting to die), lethargic, confused, occasionally sick, and quite agitated (like an intense energy in my stomach that I didn't know how to express). Perhaps these symptoms would have subsided if I stuck with it longer than the month I was on it, but I couldn't tolerate it any longer, especially when I broke down and wanted nothing other than death! In addition, I didn't want to be on medication for a long time, let alone my whole life, so I quit.

I tried a therapist, but I felt like I knew more about social anxiety and how to deal with it than she did. She was supportive and friendly (a good person to talk to), but she was also advocating truly bizarre "methods" that simply had no basis in science. Trust me, it was some WACKY stuff!!! :lol

I'm not ruling out a therapist in the future, but it will be for more specific issues of mine rather than broad, generalized SA.

I'm still very much a work-in-progress when it comes to psychological improvement and addressing life challenges in general, but SA specifically just doesn't steal the stage anymore. 

For SA specifically, I improved slowly over time (inconsistent improvement with short-term fluctuations... so not some kind of pretty, straight line improvement) after I moved out of my parents house, started my job here, and lived on my own.

I was basically forcing myself to adapt and confront fears in order to test whether the safety behaviors I erected (and all the energy expended to maintain them) was necessary. I had to learn just how threatening people "out there" really are.

What I learned was anti-climactic, in a good way. The world doesn't revolve around me. I learned slowly how people largely don't pay attention to me when I stop doing the fallacy of "counting hits and not misses." In the past, I easily remembered and recalled more traumatic experiences, but I was just skipping over every person who didn't pay attention to me. This time I was more objective and counted everything. In reality, people don't really seem to care what I'm doing or how I look. Well over 99% of people fail to threaten, make fun of, tease, or otherwise "attack" me in any way. A much larger percentage of people say hello (usually smiling) and act generally friendly. When I repeatedly dropped the behaviors I do to protect myself, I slowly "rewired" my thinking into realizing that all that effort isn't necessary. This all just slowly crept (and continues to creep) into my "gut feelings" too.

In every situation in which I felt fear, I tried to get to the bottom of what I think will happen and what I think that subjectively means about me. I wanted to get to the root of it all, and I was able to get to some deep, raw beliefs that drove a large portion of these feelings. Once again, I had to put it all to the test though (repeatedly for many months) for it to sink in slowly how life isn't as scary as I had previously been acting. There were all kinds of fallacies I was committing as well, but it took time to convert intellectual knowledge of the fallacious thinking into a significant emotional shift. There was never a dramatic shift (sudden big shift) at the emotional level... just itsy bitsy changes each month, on AVERAGE. In other words, my improvement was boring and slow (would make for a dull movie script). :lol

Another fallacy I often committed was putting people on pedestals. My mind seems to naturally omit imperfections and inflate positive characteristics on others. Rather than overcompensate by doing the opposite sort of thinking, I began to really think deeply about the people around me in order to see their complexity. People are riddled with weaknesses, and they aren't these all-knowing Judges of Worth. Honestly, people's opinions of me largely has no effect on me now unless I ALSO agree with what they're saying about me. Seeing people in a more objective, complete light is not only more accurate, but it is also a big relief to see mortals rather than the GODS I seemed to think were all around me.

I've read books as well that address SA and other problems. The three I maybe like most are as follows (in the order I read them): 

"Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness" - Gillian Butler
"When Panic Attacks" - David Burns
"Reinventing Your Life" - Jeffrey Young and Janet S. Klosko

That 53 score is not exactly way below the minimum "social anxiety" score in that measurement, but the trend has continued to be downward over the last 18 months or so. 

SA only comes up in specific contexts now, but those contexts involve a much more complicated system that maintains it. That's why I'd like to find a schema therapist to address them. That could be a long time off though, as I have some life issues to deal with here first (addressing my not liking my job is one of them).


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## Kanashi (Jan 5, 2008)

You're going in the right direction. Congrats.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

That was a great post. Congrats too!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Thanks!


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Congrats man. You've definitely worked hard at it.


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## sunmoonstars76 (Aug 19, 2006)

good job, my aim is to be like you and be calm about my situation! congrats!


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Oh yeah, and improving diet/exercise has been another positive boost for life in general, which certainly doesn't hurt. I'm spicing it up with some new things too.


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## sunmoonstars76 (Aug 19, 2006)

i started going out for walks a week ago, but I'm not walking as far as when i started off. It gets really boring and sad without a dog to walk, or another person to walk with. I don't like walking in public by myself. I don't want anyone to see me trying not to be fat.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

sunmoonstars76 said:


> i started going out for walks a week ago, but I'm not walking as far as when i started off. It gets really boring and sad without a dog to walk, or another person to walk with. I don't like walking in public by myself. I don't want anyone to see me trying not to be fat.


I go running despite whatever people might have to say to me in disapproval. There will always be wackos who have a problem with people exercising, minding their own business. I think I let that sink in, and decided I wouldn't be defeated by these nutcases. If they have a problem with me, it's obviously their problem, not mine.

If you enjoy walking, I say go for it! Screw anyone who disapproves! 

By the way, most people don't care if you're out. It just feels like that (like we're the main character in a movie script rather than some "extra" who almost nobody pays attention to).


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

The only thing that hinders me from running at my best is the time of day. Unfortunately, I noticed this summer that Paxil is REALLY making me sweat like crazy and if I run during a humid period, I have trouble with dehydration and even had a hamstring cramp.

I don't care about the hecklers as long as they don't cause me physical harm. If they do, I open a can of Industrial-Strength Millennium Man brand [email protected]$$ and take care of business.

Good for you, ARDrum! :boogie :boogie :boogie


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> The only thing that hinders me from running at my best is the time of day. Unfortunately, I noticed this summer that Paxil is REALLY making me sweat like crazy and if I run during a humid period, I have trouble with dehydration and even had a hamstring cramp.
> 
> I don't care about the hecklers as long as they don't cause me physical harm. If they do, I open a can of Industrial-Strength Millennium Man brand [email protected]$$ and take care of business.
> 
> Good for you, ARDrum! :boogie :boogie :boogie


Are you still on Paxil, or did you quit?

I got a left calf cramp over the weekend because I had to run at my parents' town and didn't have my regular access to water. So I wasn't ideally hydrated (hot sunny morning) and got my first calf cramp in a long time. Ran on it for awhile, but eventually stopped briefly to stretch it all out really well again before continuing.

I normally drink a TON during runs (got into that habit a couple years ago when I started long runs with marathon training). Drinking on the run used to make me feel sick 10 years ago or so, but now I can tolerate drinking a LOT of liquid on the go. I add in Gatorade-like drinks if I hit an hour or longer run... that keeps down the fuzzy/dizzy thinking and keeps me alert with all those electrolytes. I still dilute it though, haha.

I am not good at the [email protected]$$, but I'm good at ignoring the peons who mock me despite not having the guts to run as hard as I do.


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## Happyman (Apr 12, 2008)

Good job!!

People who are positive and bright minded tend to improve and get better.


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## Dipper (Jul 15, 2007)

Ardrum always has the best posts when it comes to working with his SA and his progress. Always inspiring and give people like me hope.

I just took the test.

37(fear) + 33(avoidance) = 70
You have marked social anxiety.

Still got a ways to go. lol


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I used to score consistently in the mid-90s for a long time, so it shows that significant changes can and do happen! 

I don't like the dualistic "have SA" / "don't have SA" classification, as I see it all as shades of gray that every person experiences. I've certainly reduced my discomfort significantly though in most situations.


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## Ventress (Jul 30, 2006)

What's this test thingy you're referring to? Is there a link to a site somewhere?


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## Dipper (Jul 15, 2007)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/liebowitz.php


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Wow, I'm really happy to read this. Great job, Adam!


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