# Goal: Get Better at Small Talk



## SPC (May 14, 2011)

I don't have trouble starting or holding conversations but I've found that people in my workplace find my spoken speech very businesslike and cold. From now on I'm going to try getting better at chit chat even when the topics are a little foreign to me instead of just excusing myself from the conversation. Anyone got any tips on how to make this go smoother? thanks!


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Yes, drop the "better" stuff.

Better than who?

You're working on your own speech and your own goals not trying to prove anything to anyone.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

Alright, semantics issues noted. I should have said "Improve".


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## therealgorgan (May 28, 2011)

I would say, take turns sharing/speaking. And if they bring up a topic you're unfamiliar with, ask questions.


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## eric254 (Nov 8, 2010)

I'm looking to improve my small talk as well. I think a lot of it is just relating to them on a topic you know about, because then you'll have a lot of material to bring up. For example, when I make small talk with cashiers or employees, I always ask "So, you get to go home soon?" They can relate and it makes them smile every time.


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## diane55317 (Jun 1, 2011)

A lot of small talk is about finding common ground (pick something you both have in common--common experience, like the weather, the traffic, or the current situation/surroundings) and using reflective listening (they say something and you make a short, reflective comment, such as, "really, you mean that . . ."). It also helps to ask open-ended questions (questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Encourage them to talk with saying things, like "tell me about . . ."

Even your body language can make a big difference in how well the conversation goes. Here's a blog post I wrote a while back that talks about being NOSE-y with your body language (Nod-Open body language-Smile-Eye Contact).


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## ReincarnatedRose (May 20, 2011)

diane55317 said:


> A lot of small talk is about finding common ground (pick something you both have in common--common experience, like the weather, the traffic, or the current situation/surroundings) and using reflective listening (they say something and you make a short, reflective comment, such as, "really, you mean that . . ."). It also helps to ask open-ended questions (questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Encourage them to talk with saying things, like "tell me about . . ."
> 
> Even your body language can make a big difference in how well the conversation goes. Here's a blog post I wrote a while back that talks about being NOSE-y with your body language (Nod-Open body language-Smile-Eye Contact).


Great advice!


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## Krikorian (May 16, 2011)

I'm trying to work on this too. I have very, very mild social anxiety, but I find it very difficult to "connect" to people through small talk. I know it's not just that I have nothing to say, because when I'm around family and friends I talk a lot, but around co-workers, mere acquaintances, or strangers I tend to shut up like a clam. I don't like people to feel that I'm ignoring them or shunning them in some way. You can't rely on people who know you better to stand up for you.



diane55317 said:


> A lot of small talk is about finding common ground (pick something you both have in common--common experience, like the weather, the traffic, or the current situation/surroundings) and using reflective listening (they say something and you make a short, reflective comment, such as, "really, you mean that . . ."). It also helps to ask open-ended questions (questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Encourage them to talk with saying things, like "tell me about . . ."


Very true. One of the most helpful things in Gestalt therapy is learning to be more aware of where your attention is, where you are, what are the objects of your environment, and keeping a "flow" of interaction with them, including the people. It helps a lot when you focus less on your conditioned conceptualization of what people do or how they react to you and to actually engage them spontaneously, based purely on your present experience of their presence.


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