# I know, no sex questions, but I have to ask regarding this



## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Its nothing too shocking, but its about the concept of having friends with benefits. At first it sounded rather awful to me, like I'm incapable of holding it in until a proper boyfriend arrives, but heres the deal, I'm friends of a sort with this guy, known him for couple years, we often hang out just for the sake of company, make out in the movie theatre and just pretend to be together for the sake of fun. Other then his appearance, I dont find him attractive, so over the time I have not formed any emotional attachment to this guy. He knows my story and has anxiety issues of his own, but hes not a virgin. We talked about it and want to experiment with the deed, I know it sounds bad, but you get lonely after not dating for couple years. I personally just think it would be fun and good practice for future reference. But at the same time I dont want it to get messy and weird, though we both feel the same way about each other, he finds me attractive, though we have little in common to form a relationship, so its like a friend helping out a friend. 
Anyways, sorry for the long post, I just wanted some insight into this topic, has anyone been in the same boat? how did it work out, or didnt?
thanks


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## curi0us (Jun 23, 2008)

I'm was in a friends with benefits situation. It worked out pretty well. I think as long as you make sure that neither of you have feelings for each other and its clear between two of you how this layer in your friendship will work out, it can be fun. In my situation, she was my ex, but we made it clear that there was no feelings between us. The friendship aspect was still important even with its added benefits. The benefits part doesn't play as much a role anymore because of the distance between our colleges, but we're still friends.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

If you're doing it for your own sake and are comfortable with the idea, then I say go for it.

If you're doing it because you're afraid your next boyfriend might find you sexually inexperienced, then definitely don't.


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

I think you should wait for a reply from female's point of view. Especially if you have never done it before. Just from past relationships, I understand that women can get really emotionally attached to the person who was there first. Think about it.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

if you've been hanging out with him and kissing him and havent developed any feelings then you should be ok with just sleeping with him. however you have some feelings for even then its probably not a good idea to go ahead with this


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I've never done it myself and personally don't think I ever would. If I had no boyfriend or whatever I'd rather just have regular friends and then go home and masturbate alone. But that's just me. :b


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> I've never done it myself and personally don't think I ever would. If I had no boyfriend or whatever I'd rather just have regular friends and then go home m****** alone. But that's just me. :b


you should probably edit out the word M******* because i'm sure it will get the thread locked. Good advice though


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

But about the original topic, it reminds me of Seinfeld and Elaine, when, after they broke up, they still had sex because it was 'fun'. Personally, I'm not for or against it, but I just wouldn't do it myself. It bridges the gap between friendship and relationship, and I'm not exactly sure if that's a healthy thing, especially if someone is only attracted to somebody else's physical looks. To the OP, there's really only two possible outcomes. You'll either regret it, or you won't.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I don't think I could ever do it. I guess it depends on exactly why you want to.

If you really don't have any real attachment to this guy would you feel comfortable doing all this experimenting with him? Personally, I don't see the point of adding a physical aspect to a relationship unless you actually like, and care for, the guy

You say you get lonely when you don't date for a while, but experimenting with some guy you are "sortof friends with" might not fill that void.


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## wishfulthinking (Nov 28, 2006)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> I've never done it myself and personally don't think I ever would. If I had no boyfriend or whatever I'd rather just have regular friends and then go home and masturbate alone. But that's just me. :b


 :lol :lol :lol :lol

I don't think I could do it. If I'm not attracted to someone I can barely hug them. If I was attracted to a friend and we became FWB I know I would catch crazy feelings and want more out of it. I don't really see the benefit in it either way. If you and your friend hook up and a day or two later he's out with someone else there's not much you could say because he's just a "friend". I would feel cheap. Could you handle something like that?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

There is a spiritual connection with sex, though, like it or not.
Fooling around can still get you pregnant, and also forms a bond.
You said yourself that you are not attracted to him other than for looks. That's no enough for a long-term commitment. Friends with benefits never works because somebody gets burned - I've seen MTV.

I am 33 and "still holding it". I'd rather have it than cavort in a non-committed relationship.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

It is an absolutely fantastic way to ruin a friendship.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

Go for it, you only live once.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

thanks for the mixed responses, definitely take them into a consideration. I'm completely fine with him dating anyone he wants without getting jelous, though I cant say the same thing for him, he tends to get a bit jelous when I talk about other guys. We talked how it would strictly be a mutual understanding and practice. I dont do it because I scrutinize virginity or dont want do be bad the first time I do with it real boyfriend, we've done other things and its like this kinky forbidden fun I guess, an outlet for my energy. But I'd have to see how I feel about it, I think right now it might be medications talking..lol


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Personally its not something I could do. While I do have desires like any normal man, I wouldn't feel right about becoming physically involved with someone who I didn't have an emotional connection with. I would prefer to remember my first experience with someone I love and care about, not some fooling around I did to get it out of my system. I'm not religious at all...its just a personal preference.


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## curi0us (Jun 23, 2008)

Equisgurl said:


> thanks for the mixed responses, definitely take them into a consideration. *I'm completely fine with him dating anyone he wants without getting jelous, though I cant say the same thing for him, he tends to get a bit jelous when I talk about other guys. * We talked how it would strictly be a mutual understanding and practice. I dont do it because I scrutinize virginity or dont want do be bad the first time I do with it real boyfriend, we've done other things and its like this kinky forbidden fun I guess, an outlet for my energy. But I'd have to see how I feel about it, I think right now it might be medications talking..lol


That might be a red flag right there. Jealousy could cause problems in the longterm.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

Sounds cheap and tacky to me. I'd rather do it in a loving relationship.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

curi0us said:


> Equisgurl said:
> 
> 
> > thanks for the mixed responses, definitely take them into a consideration. *I'm completely fine with him dating anyone he wants without getting jelous, though I cant say the same thing for him, he tends to get a bit jelous when I talk about other guys. * We talked how it would strictly be a mutual understanding and practice. I dont do it because I scrutinize virginity or dont want do be bad the first time I do with it real boyfriend, we've done other things and its like this kinky forbidden fun I guess, an outlet for my energy. But I'd have to see how I feel about it, I think right now it might be medications talking..lol
> ...


if the guy is already acting this way then there wont be much of a change in the guys behaviour if he sleeps with her. its mainly the woman that gets attached to the guy when something like this happens so if she feels that she will be ok then she should go for it. we males are simplistic when it comes to sex and will be happy sleeping with someone regardless of the situation

(and yes im aware that what i said is generalized, sexist and biase. but look around and you'll see that its mostly that way)


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## isis (Apr 30, 2008)

Equisgurl said:


> I think right now it might be medications talking..lol


Funny you should say that, last time I was on meds (Lexapro + Klonopin) I remember having some *very* kinky -and strange- thoughts. Definitely worth thinking if this is something you'd normally do (without the meds).


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## lissa101 (Apr 28, 2006)

Ive always been pretty against getting intimate with someone you arent in love with. But in the heat of the moment, you're going to do what you want to do. Just make sure you talk to him about it before so you can both sort of prepare yourselves for what comes afterwards. If he's the kind of friend who gives you support and you can really talk to, i would say dont do it. If he's just a cool guy you sort of have a crush on but dont see yourself getting serious with and want to "practice" like you said, just be honest with him and tell him that so there arent any wrong ideas. I dont agree with it 100% but I know how hard it is for people like us to meet people and have these experiences. Most importantly dont forget to USE PROTECTION! 

Good luck,
Melissa


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

yeah, I decided to not go through with it, just doesent sit right with my morals at this point.


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## Michael W (Apr 30, 2008)

If I have sex with someone, I want it to be because I'm in love with her and she's in love with me, not just horniness. I have very traditional values, I don't think people should have sex unless they love each other. to many people sex doesn't mean anything but it means something to me.

excersize some damn self control. if you aren't attracted to him than why the hell would you have sex with him? You could really hurt this person, is that really what you want to do?

edited to add: you've made the right decision not to go through with it. I almost made a sigh of relief


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i used to think i was "against" this kind of thing (becoming sexual with anyone other than someone you cared deeply for) but i have done that with a friend occaisonally. i can't say for sure if i'm attached or not, honestly. i think i have been in the past, or maybe i still am but i'm in denial. but that guy is one of my only friends so being attached or not doesn't have that much to do with getting physical.
that being said, i know if i was with him and "in the mood" (which i would always be any) and so was he i would still go for it. i don't know if that makes me a weak person or not. i stopped caring to be honest.


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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

I'm pretty much in a similar situation at the moment. Which means that there's this guy I've known since high school but it's first now this year we actually started to hang out. We don't see each other very often even though we live in the same city at the moment, but when we do see each other we use to have sex sometimes (happened a few times now). I'm kinda confused at the moment though because I don't know if it leads to anything more than just sex - like a relationship or something or if we just are friends.
I know that back in high school and also earlier this year he was interested in me, but since nothing happened then and I was just too insecure to let anything happen I'm pretty sure I've screwed it for become something more than just sex. Or have I?
Or could there possibly be another chance for something more?
My biggest confusion at the moment though is that I'm not sure if we're dating at the moment, or if we're just friends that happens to have sex occasionally now and again?
Also, do you think it is too late for making it to something more than just stay as **** buddies (if we're even that)?

Oh, and sorry if I wasn't that helpful about the original post, but you asked if someone was in similar situation and I think I am, right?



Equisgurl said:


> Its nothing too shocking, but its about the concept of having friends with benefits. At first it sounded rather awful to me, like I'm incapable of holding it in until a proper boyfriend arrives, but heres the deal, I'm friends of a sort with this guy, known him for couple years, we often hang out just for the sake of company, make out in the movie theatre and just pretend to be together for the sake of fun. Other then his appearance, I dont find him attractive, so over the time I have not formed any emotional attachment to this guy. He knows my story and has anxiety issues of his own, but hes not a virgin. We talked about it and want to experiment with the deed, I know it sounds bad, but you get lonely after not dating for couple years. I personally just think it would be fun and good practice for future reference. But at the same time I dont want it to get messy and weird, though we both feel the same way about each other, he finds me attractive, though we have little in common to form a relationship, so its like a friend helping out a friend.
> Anyways, sorry for the long post, I just wanted some insight into this topic, has anyone been in the same boat? how did it work out, or didnt?
> thanks


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## Superman23 (Jul 6, 2008)

FWB rarely works out because one person ends up wanting a relationship and the other one doesnt. I wouldnt do it, especially if you havent had sex before


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