# Men, would you leave your gf or wife if she gained weight?



## Onigiri (Aug 3, 2010)

I recently read an excerpt about how a man was disappointed when his wife gained weight after having his child. He didn't feel as attracted to her and thought about leaving her (and leaving his infant child behind) or cheating on her (and being a bad husband).

It made me really sad because it's what commonly happens when a woman has a child. Since I want to be a "mommy" one day, I'm afraid the same thing would happen to me so it kind of hit home. I've seen this happen to various family members too so I know it happens.

Anyway, I brought up this topic with my partner and without outwardly saying so, I suspect he feels the same way and how he wouldn't be attracted to someone who was overweight. I tried to bring up size and body shape but it was inconclusive.

*So men... would leave your gf or wife if she gained weight?* (let's say she was average sized when you've known her for years and gained 30-50+ extra pounds at some point in the relationship)...

YES or NO - and why... direct honesty helps.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

well, no if i love her i wouldnt care if she was fat as a whale or as skinny as a skeleton.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

The short answer is no. 

There are several assumptions here, though. The first is that all guys like thin girls. This is not always the case. Some guys like thin girls, others like medium girls, some like big girls (or anywhere along the scale). I think if you talk to most girls you will get the same answer. Some like skinny puck rocker guys, some like well built guys, etc... Attraction is an important element in a lifelong monogamous relationship and being able to focus your "adult desires" on one person is a part of that which I don't think should be ignored. 

So I think when people meet there is a spark that is at least in part based on raw physical attraction. It's not that we can't change or that time will not eventually bring us all down, but I think it's important to stay attracted and attractive to our partners as much as is reasonably possible. 

For me personally, if my partner's weight fluctuated in either direction by a moderate amount it would not significantly impact my attraction to her - but that's me. If you want someone to agree with you that weight concerns are often one-sided or influenced by unhealthy cultural trends and standards then I can certainly do that. However, I think your question can really only be answered by having an open and honest discussion with your bf / husband.

Now having said all that, I think your post is probably primarily focused on the issue of weight gain and pregnancy. The only thing I can say about that is if a man leaves a women because of a temporary situation which he is directly responsible for (pregnancy), then you probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with him in the first place.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

No


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Who ever this guy was he was an ****hole.
Now I do like my ladies with a bit of meat on the bone but even if I did'nt there's no way I would leave her and my child over something like that, you would have to be a bottem feeding piece of s*** to leave a woman because of that.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

no.

I don't think this is a common phenomenon either. I can't say I've ever heard of a man breaking up with a woman because she gained weight.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

heroin said:


> I don't think this is a common phenomenon either. I can't say I've ever heard of a man breaking up with a woman because she gained weight.


It's a lot more common in certain parts of this country.

There are people with pre-nups that state weight limits.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110428063520AAxLOrf

I would think that weight gain and lack of sex would be two big factors in a lot of divorces in this country. 
The guy is pretty shallow to leave after childbirth (or because of pregnancy related weight-gain), but there could be a lot of other reasons that we don't know about as well. What was her attitude towards the weight gain? Did she still want to go out and do stuff, or just sit in front of the TV?


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

My wife was about 150 when I met her and she has gotten up to 250 and I never once thought of leaving her.

My ex brother in law told my sister when she gained weight the she repulsed him and he couldnt stand to see her naked.

Which kind of guy do you have?


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## Stile (Jul 26, 2010)

My ex-wife went from 98 lbs when I meet her to a bit over 220 lbs by the time she left me, I never once considered leaving her due to the weight gain. And my recent ex girlfriend gained a bit a weight after having our child and that didn't bother me in the least either ... she's now actually down to a weight she hasn't been at since she was in middle school, so it goes to show that even if people gain weight, it's doesn't have to be a permanent thing and shouldn't be the cause of not loving them.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

it all depends on how much, if she reaches the status that she grosses me out, I would, but if she would gain somewhere around 20-30 I would probably stay with her


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I wouldn't, if i loved her...


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Well...

It's not like most people would just up and leave once their spouse reached X number of pounds. But if they gained a bunch of weight and stopped taking care of themselves, stopped caring I guess...how would that not be unattractive? Again it's not like I would leave immediately or put up an ultimatum...but I don't think I'd just ignore it.

I'd expect the same if I gained a bunch of weight or became an alcoholic or whatever.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

No. I'd hope they'd want to still appear attractive to me though......which means getting in shape.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

Well from my point of view, as long as my partner takes care of herself this means that she cares enough about me, letting yourself go for me personally feels like ignorance, having a partner doesn't mean switch off I can stop giving a crap about myself now. But don't take my inexperienced advice tho, that is just me.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

nope.


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## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

Not if she was just a little chubby. If she reaches like 200+lbs though, we have a problem. I just couldn't find any physical attraction to that, and physical attraction is necessary in a relationship.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

A lot of men don't like the idea of having sex with a woman who has had a child (I believe Elvis was one). It's not just the weight, but the ruined body. Apart from that aversion, if a woman has a kid and is just satisfied to be fatter and is unwilling to try to lose the weight, that's very unattractive.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

I would have sex with a woman who has had a child on one condition, she should've given rid of that after birth fat, my mom never really got rid of her fat after she had me, but it was okay with my dad, as for me I did not care as she was my mom I would love her anyway, still she was not THAT fat, she was around 170-180 pounds at most


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## Duke of Prunes (Jul 20, 2009)

If it becomes disgusting, maybe, but I've never been in that situation so it's hard to say. It would completely kill sex though.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

No, I wouldn't.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm on too sides of the spectrum here.

First, I believe that my dad left my mom for a couple of reasons, one of them being physical attraction. After she started becoming A LITTLE bit more than she was before (she was very skinny as a stick) he left her. His wife is anorexic now & I believe, personally, that he loves the look & is attracted to that. It sickens me. I conclude that he fell out of love with my mother. But attraction must have played a part in it.

Second, (speaking as a bisexual) if my partner became obese, then I'm not sure I would be able to be in a relationship with someone who was completely unattractive to me. Overweight is fine. Obese is disgusting to me & shows a lack of want & self-control. (Please, no one bash me for this, I'm NOT in a debating mood.)

So, that's my opinion. I'm of two minds.


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## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

Who am I to judge on weight. 

Maybe it'd be a bit different if I wasn't at my weight, but I feel weight is something that can be changed and shouldn't have much bearing. Personality is what you love the person for (hopefully).


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## beethoven (Jan 17, 2011)

I would have no problem with it if it was circumstantial, like in the case of having a baby. However, being permanently overweight would be a turnoff. Not because of the physical attraction factor (I used to have sex with an overweight girl and I enjoyed it) but because of what comes with it. Being overweight is usually a sign of unhealthy habits, which is a turnoff for me when it comes to relationships. 

It's hard to say if it would be enough to make me leave someone I love, but it would be a turnoff.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

IDK I think it depends.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

My boyfriend said he'll leave me if I get fat. No pressure.


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## add2list (Nov 10, 2010)

No I wouldn't. My ex gained weight during our relationship and I was still physically attracted to her. Her weight gain was one (of many) stresses on our relationship though. The problem was that she blamed me for her weight gain. She felt I didn't give her enough time to exercise, our meals weren't healthy enough... I'm sure I could have been more supportive and found active things for us to do that she would have enjoyed. Though honestly if I did give her time to exercise she spent it on the couch watching movies. She wasn't keen on going swimming and though she would go on hikes, she'd get fed up after an hour. 

Also I could imagine that with the stress of a new born baby, worrying about my partner's weight would be the last thing on my mind.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's really not a good enough reason- considering the weight I gained from Paxil. I know how hard it can be. I would probably have gained weight with her. :stu


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

:lol No, never. If/when I get married, her gaining weight won't change the reasons I married her, especially if she just had a baby. A year or two later, if she really got and stayed big, I'd kindly suggest _we both_ get in better shape. Not only does it make sex better(unless you're into bigger people, which is fine), being in good physical shape helps you be a better active parent. Kids drain your energy, so it's good to have lots of it.


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## crsohr (Dec 30, 2010)

Yes I would but let me explain. Her putting on a few pounds is no problem, if she's naturally skinny I would actually encourage it. If she wanted to of course. However if she went from 130lbs to 200 lbs with no signs of slowing down and didn't want to do anything about it I believe the relationship would suffer dramatically. Now I would do everything in my power to help her lose the weight, join the gym with her go jogging together hell even eat the same low fat/calorie diet food if we lived together etc. I'd be there to support her, but if she doesn't want to help herself then that would become a big problem.


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## Motionless Sway (May 30, 2011)

No. I've been in love with a large woman. And I've gone out with average and thin women before. As long as I have feelings for her, I wouldn't care.


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## Phyra (Jun 1, 2011)

I just have to say that when I got together with my boyfriend I was about 95 lbs. He thought I was too thin then, but didn't say anything. I've since gained weight (about 30 lbs) and am at a more normal weight for my height, though a little self conscious about it. Not only has he told me he finds me more attractive now, but he's not concerned about the weight gain if it continues, as long as I continue to stay healthy. This experience has really opened my eyes to the psychology of men, and I somehow don't think my boyfriend is unusual in this respect.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

I suspect the ones who said yes are the type of people who can eat enough for six people without gaining any significant weight. Like my father, who probably would've left my mother if he wasn't autistic and just _barely _managed to get her to marry him in the first place.

My mother weighed only 99 lbs before she got married and weighs about 175-185 lbs now. She walks regularly and has no real health problems, though, so anyone who keeps bringing up all these health concerns can suck it. My mother may be technically obese, but she's so healthy she'll probably outlive you and every one of your grandchildren.

ETA: Significant weight gain over a short period of time is sometimes caused by deeper mental/emotional issues. Before you start taking your wife to the gym and watching whats she eats because you're so concerned about having awesome sex with her, make sure that she doesn't have these issues first.


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

Depends on how much. I have some anxiety when it comes to personal health that I end up extending to my girlfriend- I can't be with someone who smokes or drinks, otherwise I agonize over the long term effects. I would have a similar problem with obesity. 

If it's someone who is active (runs a couple times a week for example) and has an alright diet but gains some weight anyway just due to aging? I am completely okay with that.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

"rednosereindeer"--Or maybe we just find weight gain/ruined bodies after pregnancy to be unattractive, which is our prerogative. I seem to recall sentiments expressed by you that people with self-esteem issues are undatable. My undatable category includes women who have had a kid.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

I've been attracted to many a fuller figure of a woman in my time. Indeed, if you go through the list, you'll find women of all shapes and sizes. 

I would dig deeper and attempt to do all I could to help if there were problems associated with the weight gain but, by itself, it would not be enough to prompt me to leave someone.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I cant really answer definitively, too many variables: how much weight, am I in love etc. I will say a reasonable amount of weight gain would not put me off at all though.


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## Sisyphus (Mar 4, 2010)

You have to be honest with the person you're dating or married to. Although it has to be an incredibly uncomfortable conversation you need to let them know that their weight gain is bothering you (if it is) and you need to be willing to help get them back to where they were if they want to change and want your help. Your spouse or someone you've been dating for a long time deserves to hear this instead of just up and leaving.


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## ValiantThor (Dec 6, 2010)

If she was gaining alot of weight then obviously she is dealing with much deeper problems, people jsut dont gain tons of weight for no reason. It is usually stress, the birth of kids, depression. I dont plan on having kids, or dating a women with problems that i have, so it really shouldnt ever happen to me.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Depends on how much, the cause for it, and what her attitude regarding it is. 

I wouldn't leave a woman solely on the basis that I no longer find her sexually attractive.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^Ooh, I like that response. That's a good response.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Of course. I dont want to settle for less just because the fear of being alone. I need some confidence though.


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## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

I'm happy to see so many non shallow responses here from men, it's putting me in a better mood  

If I were a man I don't think I would leave a woman for weight gain, but it would depend on the reasons for sure. If she's just letting herself go and not taking her man's attraction into consideration then that shows selfishness and that, I think, would be grounds for a separation.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

shadowmask said:


> Depends on how much, the cause for it, and what her attitude regarding it is.
> 
> I wouldn't leave a woman solely on the basis that I no longer find her sexually attractive.


This. Me and her feel the same way on this, if it was laziness, and it killed sexual attraction, then it's over (at least before having a family anyways). It doesn't sound nice, but what separates friends from more than friends is that attraction.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> Depends on how much, the cause for it, and what her attitude regarding it is.
> 
> I wouldn't leave a woman solely on the basis that I no longer find her sexually attractive.


So you'd stay with someone that you arent sexually attracted to?


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

Having kids, the birth control shot, and depression all contributed to my wife's weight gain. I love my wife for her and not her body. How well would it have worked if I start nagging someone to lose weight if they are already depressed and suicidal?

If someone got fat because of laziness then they were probably lazy before you met them and you should have recognized that instead of focusing on their hot body and how attracted you were to them. Sure you need attraction in a relationship but it won't work unless you have a lot more.

My wife recently lost 50lbs by her own ambitions and she looks unrecognizable from her previous self. I love her as much now as I did then.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

tlgibson97 said:


> Having kids, *the birth control shot*, and depression all contributed to my wife's weight gain.


Just out of curiosity, is there something just as effective and easy (but that does not cause the same side effects) that she has switched to now?


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

nemesis1 said:


> So you'd stay with someone that you arent sexually attracted to?


If I loved her and she loved me, yes.

That's not to say I'd be happy about seeing her gain weight and losing the attraction, but that alone wouldn't cause me to give up on the relationship. Again though, it depends on the circumstances. If she got fat after having a kid or due to some thyroid/metabolic disorder, that's one thing. But if she just totally stopped caring altogether about her health and our sex life and refused to even try to drop the weight, then we have a problem.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

I'd like to say "No", but in reality, i really don't know. 

It would probably depend on many factors, such as how much weight, does she still looks beautiful, the context (ie did she gained weight because of a medication, pregnancy, depression, or just out of laziness and bad habits,and is she trying to do something about it). I have to admit it thought, a really big weight gain could make me find a girl not so attractive anymore, and i think physical attraction is an important factor. like the other way around, i would not expect a girl who would find me attractive at 140 lbs to still find me attractive if i ballooned all the way to 240 lbs. 

Now the question is, would i leave a girl I love because i'm less, or no longer attracted to her physically? I probably would not dump a girl just because of that, but it could play a factor if there are other things that are going wrong in the relationship.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> If I loved her and she loved me, yes.
> 
> That's not to say I'd be happy about seeing her gain weight and losing the attraction, but that alone wouldn't cause me to give up on the relationship. Again though, it depends on the circumstances. If she got fat after having a kid or due to some thyroid/metabolic disorder, that's one thing. But if she just totally stopped caring altogether about her health and our sex life and refused to even try to drop the weight, then we have a problem.


Ok, now im confused. I dont understand how you can be in love with a partner and not be sexually attracted to them.

But then again, ive never been in a relationship so what do i know :roll


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

nemesis1 said:


> Ok, now im confused. I dont understand how you can be in love with a partner and not be sexually attracted to them.
> 
> But then again, ive never been in a relationship so what do i know :roll


Well, you can have lust for someone and not be in love with them, can't you? So why not the other way around?


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> Well, you can have lust for someone and not be in love with them, can't you? So why not the other way around?


Well surely the other way around is not the same?

If i fell in love with someone, then i would absolutely have to be sexually attracted to them first. I dont see how i could fall in love with someone who i didnt fancy, and then become sexually attracted to at a later date.....it just wouldnt and couldnt work that way for me.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

joinmartin said:


> Well, you can have lust for someone and not be in love with them, can't you? So why not the other way around?


Yeah, but then your needs complicate things. So you'd have an affair, she'd find out, and you'd lose everything.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

nemesis1 said:


> Ok, now im confused. I dont understand how you can be in love with a partner and not be sexually attracted to them.
> 
> But then again, ive never been in a relationship so what do i know :roll


Physical attraction would be necessary for me to consider being in a relationship with someone in the first place, yeah. I'm assuming in this scenario that my gf/wife would have been attractive when we got together.

In most cases, attraction is required for a relationship to begin and grant the opportunity for love to form, but that isn't what strengthens and sustains it. Not to sound corny, but love is more than skin-deep, and it can't just be turned off. The girls I've been with, yes I found them physically beautiful, but that isn't what made me fall in love with them. I knew that if something happened to erase their outward beauty, like a disfiguring car accident or something, I would still want to be with them because their hearts were what really captured me. /cheese


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

If she wants me to stick around she's going to have to catch me! :0

Why won't anyone have intercourse with me?????????????????????


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

Yes. I want a girl who is and wants to live a healthy lifestyle.

My ex gaining weight contributed to us breaking up because of her weight gain. She wasnt fat or skinny when I first started dating her. She was average and over a 3 month period she gained probably 15 pounds which turned me off big time. Got to the point where I wouldn't have sex with her anymore. I couldn't get aroused long enough to do so because of the fat she put on. It disgusted me and my weaner I guess lol


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

No, I would not.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

probably not, but I would be disappointed that she pays so little attention to her health and her appearance, especially if I were to maintain my own weight.

I think it would be the equivalent of dating/marrying a smoker, or addict--at least in the case of attraction--and men are more visual in their attraction, so weight counts.


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## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

No I wouldn't. I put the greatest value in who someone is on the inside and not their physical appearance so I could not leave somebody just because of weight gain.


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## ernest12 (Feb 21, 2009)

I I was in love with her and she was in love with me, I would not leave her. That's what would be important to me. To be in love with someone who loves me too.


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## bobthebuilder (Jun 17, 2009)

Probably. Without going into specific circumstances, it would annoy me because it is unlikely that I will ever be fat, I cant put on weight to save my life as it is. And based on my dad, who never bothered with any sort of diet and had/ has worse health habits than I that would contribute to weight gain, is still within the normal range. I know its different for everybody, but i know it is something i would always think about about and be annoyed with.


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

bobthebuilder said:


> Probably. Without going into specific circumstances, it would annoy me because it is unlikely that I will ever be fat, I cant put on weight to save my life as it is. And based on my dad, who never bothered with any sort of diet and had/ has worse health habits than I that would contribute to weight gain, is still within the normal range. I know its different for everybody, but i know it is something i would always think about about and be annoyed with.


Riii-iiiight...


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## Alek (Jun 11, 2011)

Nobody mentioned the starting point from what I could see, that would matter too.

If she went from skinny to chubby, most guys wouldn't leave her for simply being chubby. But if she went from chubby to obese - now that's a problem...


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## JustWakeUp (Apr 27, 2009)

No, absolutely not!! Why the hell would anyone do that?


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

bobthebuilder said:


> Probably. Without going into specific circumstances, it would annoy me because it is unlikely that I will ever be fat, I cant put on weight to save my life as it is. And based on my dad, who never bothered with any sort of diet and had/ has worse health habits than I that would contribute to weight gain, is still within the normal range. I know its different for everybody, but i know it is something i would always think about about and be annoyed with.


So the idea here is that you can eat until your insides rot, but as long as you look skinny that would be attractive? In this situation, weight is essentially a separate issue from health, and you would be annoyed with someone who is not stick thin and yet might be healthier than you.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

No, of course not...


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## Alek (Jun 11, 2011)

RyanJ said:


> So the idea here is that you can eat until your insides rot, but as long as you look skinny that would be attractive? In this situation, weight is essentially a separate issue from health, and you would be annoyed with someone who is not stick thin and yet might be healthier than you.


That's a lie invented by the fat lobby - health is no a separate issue from weight. It correlates extremely well with health. A skinny person eating the worst nutrition on the planet will be healthier than an obese person binging on "health food".

Most of the problems with so called "junk food" for example are weight-related, not direct. Junk-food isn't intrinsically unhealthy in and of itself, if you could eat french-sized portions of it once a week lol - the trouble is that its so tasty and attractive that we over-eat it - and the overeating is unhealthy because it causes extra weight which is itself unhealthy.

Studies also show naturally skinny people lie, a lot, just as much as naturally fat people. They think they eat "a ton of food", but when monitored with hidden cameras are found to eat as little as their weight would preddict. Fat people on the other hand lie that they don't eat much, but when tracked eat a lot more than they think they do.

Back to the topic - your wife getting obese is in fact her putting the family's health at jeopardy... its not just cosmetics. Being obese is not that far from say being an alcoholic.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

Depends on how much weight. I could see myself dating a thick girl possibly, but not an overweight girl.


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## RyeCatcher86 (Sep 14, 2010)

Definitely


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

no, unless she got really, really fat.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Well...what about if her face got diformed from acid or it looked something like the ape attack lady...?


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I'd leave the guy if he kept himself huge for years and did not care that I wasn't as attracted. I don't need brad pitt, but someone who is 400 lbs would be a no no. Can't even go hiking or on a walk. It ruins more than sex. Way more.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

Alek said:


> Fat people on the other hand lie that they don't eat much, but when tracked eat a lot more than they think they do.


RIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

I have two disorders that contribute greatly to weight gain. I eat HALF A PLATE of vegetables and fruits (and not much more than that) three times a day and have ever since I was a child, and I still weigh 180. Oh yes, and apparently according to body fat percentage I only have 15 pounds to go.

WTF.


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## Onigiri (Aug 3, 2010)

Thank you everyone for such honest responses!


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

No I wouldn't.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

No. Unless he balloons till really roly poly.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

It depends. If she just lets herself go then yeah probably. Thats for a girlfriend- If I ever decide to get married im going all in old school style.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

No way. But if she went over the top and didn't care I would definitely have an issue.


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## ForeverInBloom (Oct 4, 2010)

Probably not. Not trying to burst a bubble but wouldn't leave her. I'd still love her and such. As to why. If I've know her for a long time say 10 years or more I wouldn't. Love isn't about looks, its about the inner person.


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## ForeverInBloom (Oct 4, 2010)

Vanilllabb said:


> Well...what about if her face got diformed from acid or it looked something like the ape attack lady...?


No.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

30-50lbs? Absolutely. I cannot respect someone who cannot even respect their own self.


If it was just like 10lbs no, I would stay.


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

Are you kidding me? Seriously, that guy just sounds like a big *****. Also their relationship was probably garbage to start with- all sex / no real companionship.

When you base your ENTIRE relationship on looks and sex things like this could happen. But when you really love someone you wouldn't care if they gained a few pounds-- and seriously? From having his CHILD? God thats just pathetic.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Why do I feel like some of these responses aren't being entirely truthful...


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

One piece of vital information has been left out of this poll. How much money does she have??


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

OpiodArmor said:


> Are you kidding me? Seriously, that guy just sounds like a big *****. Also their relationship was probably garbage to start with- all sex / no real companionship.
> 
> When you base your ENTIRE relationship on looks and sex things like this could happen. But when you really love someone you wouldn't care if they gained a few pounds-- and seriously? From having his CHILD? God thats just pathetic.


Don't kid yourself into thinking because a person is not willing to put up with your laziness and lack of self restraint, it has anything to do with shallowness or looks. Gaining 50 lbs out of nowhere is not normal when you have been at a healthy weight all your life. It is a sign of deeper issues and unwillingness to maintain basic health. It's down right disrespectful to their partner and themselves as well. What is more pathetic is your lame attempt at shaming people who have the dignity to say to themselves that they deserve someone who respects their body to maintain decent health.

Also note that I never mentioned anything about pregnancies or kids since I do not wish to have them. You are being completely presumptuous and ignorant with your comments.


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

jamesd said:


> Don't kid yourself into thinking because a person is not willing to put up with your laziness and lack of self restraint, it has anything to do with shallowness or looks. Gaining 50 lbs out of nowhere is not normal when you have been at a healthy weight all your life. It is a sign of deeper issues and unwillingness to maintain basic health. It's down right disrespectful to their partner and themselves as well. What is more pathetic is your lame attempt at shaming people who have the dignity to say to themselves that they deserve someone who respects their body to maintain decent health.
> 
> Also note that I never mentioned anything about pregnancies or kids since I do not wish to have them. You are being completely presumptuous and ignorant with your comments.


Erm the topic of this thread was not about your personal crusade to shame people into staying thin. It was about a girl that got knocked up by some guy who decided to leave / cheat on her because she gained some baby fat.

Your the one making assumptions. Stop reflecting your own problems in your posts, maybe then you wont seem so angry.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

OpiodArmor said:


> Erm the topic of this thread was not about your personal crusade to shame people into staying thin. It was about a girl that got knocked up by some guy who decided to leave / cheat on her because she gained some baby fat.
> 
> Your the one making assumptions. Stop reflecting your own problems in your posts, maybe then you wont seem so angry.


The question was, "*So men... would leave your gf or wife if she gained weight?* (let's say she was average sized when you've known her for years and gained 30-50+ extra pounds at some point in the relationship)"

and I answered it truthfully. Then you come along berating me for my honest answer. Note that you were the one that started the negativity and shaming. Now you are projecting your own insecurities onto me which I find a little sad and pathetic. Nice try. This is why men have to lie because when we are honest we are accosted and persecuted. 
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/men-would-you-leave-your-gf-or-wife-if-she-128910/


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## InThe519 (Sep 21, 2009)

No, of course not

with a BUT

As long as she is willing to do something about it. I don't mean for aesthetic purposes, but for health reasons. I wouldn't want my gf (if I had one) to develop health problems from being overweight. I mean if she just got comfortable, let herself go and refused to do anything about it. I'd consider at least a separation. I don't want to watch the woman I love check out early due to laziness. I just couldn't watch that happen. 

With that said, I would do anything I had to to help her lose the weight and get back to where she was.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

jamesd said:


> The question was, "*So men... would leave your gf or wife if she gained weight?* (let's say she was average sized when you've known her for years and gained 30-50+ extra pounds at some point in the relationship)"
> 
> and I answered it truthfully. Then you come along berating me for my honest answer. Note that you were the one that started the negativity and shaming. Now you are projecting your own insecurities onto me which I find a little sad and pathetic. Nice try. This is why men have to lie because when we are honest we are accosted and persecuted.


Would the reason she gained weight influence your decision? For instance what if her hormones suddenly went out of whack, because that can and does often suddenly just happen.


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## Think_For_Yourself (Dec 7, 2010)

Absolutely. Yes.



Kidding, but it really depends. How much weight are we talking, here? 400 lbs?


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

Revenwyn said:


> Would the reason she gained weight influence your decision? For instance what if her hormones suddenly went out of whack, because that can and does often suddenly just happen.


I would be curious for that. My sister gained 40 pounds with a baby, plus the hormone thing is big, developing a thyroid problem or being sick, or unable to exercise for various reasons seems like it would have an effect.

Gaining weight beyond your control is different than sitting in front of a tv eating all day.


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## InThe519 (Sep 21, 2009)

nmpennea said:


> I would be curious for that. My sister gained 40 pounds with a baby, plus the hormone thing is big, developing a thyroid problem or being sick, or unable to exercise for various reasons seems like it would have an effect.
> 
> *Gaining weight beyond your control is different than sitting in front of a tv eating all day.*


This

But if the eating on the couch is a sign of a bigger problem, I'd probably be more sympathetic to that too.

However, if it's just being to comfortable and not putting effort into the relationship, then that's ****ed.


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

im not married..and if i ever am married, oh yea.....id kick her fat *** right out. Shed have to stay under 110 lbs.








hahahaa


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

No, that's totally retarded to do so. I would encourage her to exercise with me instead.


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

deathcard said:


> i'm actually surprised 24 people answered "yes". if you connect with someone the weight doesn't matter. everyone gains weight over the years. hell, i'm 30 pounds heavier than i was in high school.
> 
> and if the 24 guys that answered "yes" are really that superficial then just look at your girlfriends mother. because that's a good indicator of what she will look like 20 years later. then you won't have to waste her time.


My girlfriend's mother is looking pretty good, you know, considering her age. :um


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

It would depend on the situation if she had the ability to keep a healthy weight and stopped caring enough to do so then yes I'd probably leave.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Hypothetically speaking, if it was an unhealthy weight, and she was willing to lose it, I'd help her.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I'm curious: for the men who say they would leave their wife or girlfriend, would you be honest with her about why you were deciding to leave? Or would you make up some other excuse?

And, if someone asked you why the relationship fell apart, would you actually reply that she just got too fat?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> I'm curious: for the men who say they would leave their wife or girlfriend, would you be honest with her about why you were deciding to leave? Or would you make up some other excuse?
> 
> And, if someone asked you why the relationship fell apart, would you actually reply that she just got too fat?


Euphemism: We fell out of love.

What he really meant: She got so fat I wasn't attracted to her anymore.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

The question is sort of too vague.

If a man just left his partner because she put on a small amount of weight and he didn't give her the chance to try to lose it then that would be completely unfair. It would also be unfair if the woman had no say in the man's weight.

However, if a woman put on a lot of weight to the point where she was no longer attractive to the man, and knew she wasn't attractive to him and still made no attempt or effort to lose the weight, while the man did make an effort to stay in shape for her, then I could understand why a man may want to leave her if the relationship was really suffering, and even then only as a last resort.

It is also the same the other way round, if it was an overweight man and a woman who wasn't attracted to him any more. Basically, I think it boils down to the fact that both partners in a relationship really should make an effort to satisfy each other in terms of looks and personality/faithfulness. That said, I think it would be a bit shallow to leave a long-term partner just because of weight. I think it's just best if both partners do their best to stay attractive so the issue is never even raised.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I've been really skinny, and also been really overweight. So I'd be hypocritical if I left a girl because she became overweight.

That being said, I am overweight right now, so the chances of me finding a skinny girl are remote. And even if it did happen, what would we eat? I like my fast food; she would probably be a vegan!


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

Perfectionist said:


> I'm curious: for the men who say they would leave their wife or girlfriend, would you be honest with her about why you were deciding to leave?


I'd have no problem being brutally honest, especially for something like that. I'd tell her straight up that she gained too much weight and that I wasn't attracted to her anymore because her weight is too high for me.

Any relationship I have, like in the only one I had, I want to be totally open with my partner and make sure that we both tell each other exactly how we feel and be 100% honest, even if it's cruel.


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## uhhhbrandon (Dec 21, 2010)

I wouldn't, but it depends. If they stopped caring for themselves and it started getting out of control, then yes.


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## 49erJT (Oct 18, 2010)

No way I'd leave my wife over weight gain and I'm a little skeptical of anyone who would answer yes to this question.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I wouldn't since she'd probably be my only friend and companion. If I ever get a girlfriend who became wife material, I can die a happy man. 

I like chubby girls so I'm already prepared in mind that she'll most likely gain some extra weight after a couple of kids.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

No, not for directly being overweight. But I like to be active and if she was also in poor shape to the point where we couldn't share time together because of her fitness level then I could see that causing the deterioration of the relationship.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

The only problem that I would find with my significant other gaining weight is if it is detrimental to their health. More weight causes heart disease, cancer, stroke, etc. That is the only reason why the weight gain would bother me.


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## bobthebuilder (Jun 17, 2009)

RyanJ said:


> So the idea here is that you can eat until your insides rot, but as long as you look skinny that would be attractive? In this situation, weight is essentially a separate issue from health, and you would be annoyed with someone who is not stick thin and yet might be healthier than you.


not at all about health. so far as i am aware, i am perfectly healthy. i have had physicals, blood tests and the like, and nothing falls in the realm of unhealthy. every doctor says i am perfectly healthy. Not saying its right or wrong, just thats my preference. I do not, at all, like overweight people. So far, i have never met a person with a personality so amazing that i could not live with out them. And, in my life, i have found i some how must always compensate for somebody elses short comings. I REALLY DO NOT FEEL LIKE being the skinny/normal weight person in the relationship. I would just add it to the list of me being different then everybody else.


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## Makaveli (Jul 15, 2009)

WalkingDisaster said:


> The question is sort of too vague.
> 
> If a man just left his partner because she put on a small amount of weight and he didn't give her the chance to try to lose it then that would be completely unfair. It would also be unfair if the woman had no say in the man's weight.
> 
> ...


Well said.


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## kindasorta (Apr 20, 2009)

Just no, if gaining weight would be part of a personality change that doesn't seem temporary and goes against why you fell in love in the first place, well yeah but then it just wouldn't be about the weight. If I get married it would take a lot for me to leave, gaining weight is just superficial stuff.


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## Spelunk (Jun 27, 2011)

Kiindasorta hit the nail on the head I think. A large weight gain points to a change in personality that could be detrimental to a relationship.

I've always been overweight, so I may see it all differently anyway. I believe that "love" is a decision and an action, not something that flits away at the first sign of trouble or change. I would not leave someone because they gained weight. Sudden or extreme weight gain is often a result of depression or something like SAD. If I had made a commitment to love this person, I would not abandon them when they, perhaps, needed me most.

I would only leave them if the weight gain became or was caused by a permanent and unbearable change in their attitude and outlook in life.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

There is a difference between a few extra pounds and letting yourself becoming obese with major health risks. I would care enough to try to never let them get to the point of obesity. The best way would be through healthy encouragement by participating in exercise together for both of us to stay healthy (and in-turn more attractive to each other).


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