# Are women attracted to guys who treat them badly?



## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

It seems to me like many women are in relationships with bad men. These guys are verbally and/or physically abusive to them. Many of them have also served jail time. I often wonder why women prefer these guys over the ones who will treat them with respect. It's like jerks get relationships and nice guys get friendship (without benefits).


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

:fall


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

nooooooo wayyyyy.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

is this a serious question lol?


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Personally no, but I DO kindof see why some girls like the whole wanting-to-make-a-bad-guy-good thing. I think girls that stay in those relationships want to be the one to change the guy, to make them respectful and nice. I think it's kindof...if this guy was so bad but he changed for me then I must be really special? That kind of deal? I'm not talking with extremes such as verbal of physical abuse, but just generally not as nice guys, maybe.

I think I got into a tiny bit of that loop with my ex, when he started neglecting the relationship and I kept just holding out for things to turn better, for my obvious awesomeness to finally make him treat me awesomely. However, it never happens. So I can see even if you don't start out being attracted to a bad guy, it might be something you end up putting up with if you are already in the relationship.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

It seems to me like women see nice as boring and mean as unpredictable.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^I think a small percentage of women do, but not all.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Did all women vote on my poll?


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

No one sets out that way...I hope


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## Ego Dead (Dec 3, 2010)

The only way I could see that as true is if the girl is kinky and gets turned on by masochism.

Otherwise, I cant imagine why a girl would prefer a douche bag or someone who treats her bad.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

I'm not.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

jhanniffy said:


> No one sets out that way...I hope


Meaning their is a possibility.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

*sigh*


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

nothing to fear said:


> *sigh*


I am with you here.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I guess this isn't the best place to ask this question because you women don't represent the majority.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I need to be a jerk.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

here we go again, ya vas otra vez.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

I'm not sure if they are. Nobody "wants" a person who treats them like ****. But maybe a person like that can be attractive. Or maybe some people with a lot of confidence, charisma etc. just happen to be that way, and it's just a side product. But yes, I dare say women are generally more attracted to confident, charismatic, _exciting_ guys than insecure guys with low self-esteem and no life to speak of. Whether the "treating them badly" part is a part of the attraction, I have no idea. Maybe for some women. Or maybe for a lot of women without them even being aware of it? Okay now this is just bull**** speculation. I have no idea.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Meaning their is a possibility.


No I mean people in abusive relationships don't start that way but given the change a percentage wouldn't leave there partner as they still love them or would return to them.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Issues man.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

I've read an explanation which said it isn't so much about the bad treatment being attractive but about the contrast between the bad treatment and good treatment. So a "good guy" might offer more affection in the absolute but they lack the contrast a "bad boy" can create between uncaring behavior and affectionate behavior, which amplifies the subjective feeling of affection.


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

Not at all, this is masochism. We all want a guy to treat us kindly just not all clingy or nothing near violent and rude.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

Theres a quote in my signature taken from the last time we had this debate - try and guess which one

*sighs*


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

You know "women" are individuals and don't share a single brain...right?


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

No, women are not attracted to guys who treat them badly. At least not the majority. The ones that are most likely have extremely low self-esteem. They don't think they deserve any better, so they always seek out the guys who will treat them badly because subconsciously they think they deserve that.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

mbp86 said:


> I guess this isn't the best place to ask this question because you women don't represent the majority.


So if the survey results don't agree with your preconceptions, that automatically means you were asking the wrong people. Very scientific.



mbp86 said:


> I need to be a jerk.


No worries, just tell women they like being treated badly and you're there. Are they swarming on you yet?


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

You're too fixated on women who like jerks. Why would you want that type of woman, anyway?


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## Aloysius (Jul 16, 2008)

Yes. I beat ma ho's and they keep comin' back for more.


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## AlisonWonderland (Nov 4, 2010)

Mmm, my gut reaction was to say 'no'.
Right now I'm having some sort of weird friends with benefits relationship with someone who generally flirts about and doesn't like to show that he cares.
I like it, because I get to irritate him and make him jealous and flirt infront of him - I think I like that feeling where he wants to possess me but can't have me iykwim.
He's in the army and all that so we don't see each other often, which is even better.

I don't think I could mess a lovely guy around like this, like he does with me. It's definitely never going to be serious, and if he ever physically hurt me, I'd hurt him back and show him where the door is.

But I'm not attracted to every other dickwad, sometimes the danger is attractive.


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## skittlez (Jan 2, 2009)

Nae said:


> I've read an explanation which said it isn't so much about the bad treatment being attractive but about the contrast between the bad treatment and good treatment. So a "good guy" might offer more affection in the absolute but they lack the contrast a "bad boy" can create between uncaring behavior and affectionate behavior, which amplifies the subjective feeling of affection.


That's what I was thinking lol so I voted yes.

For me I think I would feel better with someone who's always saying mean stuff cuz then I'd be like hey, they took the words right out of my head! He's truthful!  lolol even though that's unhealthy.. meh, whatever. :b


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Hoth said:


> So if the survey results don't agree with your preconceptions, that automatically means you were asking the wrong people. Very scientific.


Hah, yes I was going to say that too (but I held back).


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

The guys that treat women badly have other personality traits that initially attracted them and continue to override their negative behavior. The douche comes out after a while and then the women that fall in love with them are stuck. I had to deal with this for a long time with a woman I knew. This contributed briefly to me having the "women like jerks" attitude, but I eventually realized both of them were kind of f----d up and addicted to each other even though it was doomed. I was the third wheel caught in the middle of an extremely messed up relationship. Bad circumstance. I mean, if you want to continue seeing/having sex with a guy (who has a serious girlfriend) that has pulled you by your hair and slammed you into a dashboard, you probably have a lot of things that need to be sorted out, especially if you're using your friend (me) to get in touch with that guy. It's forgiven, though. I learned a whole lot of things.

To be more on topic, every other woman that I've ever known doesn't like to be "treated badly" or whatever. I think everyone has their fair share of problems. I'm sure there are women that like guys that are more assertive and display typical macho monkey behavior, and then also things like having money can be just as important. I'm sure plenty of people here will die alone. Many women do in general, and maybe more than men. I think the ultra competitive nature of our society now doesn't help with finding a partner. People are after all of the wrong things. Of course, so many of them end up miserable with the person they settle with.


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## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

For the most part I would say no. (Personally I hate jerks. I love a sensitive, sweet guy.) However there are always the few that do like mean guys. :roll


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

No, I doubt anyone is attracted to those qualities. Jerks can be really charming at first. People don't always show their true colors right away. You're probably hearing / seeing the end of a story, not the beginning.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

I voted yes. Seen it many a times. Most women don't even realize they're doing it.

I've got a few theories, but I'm not going to get into it.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Neither yes nor no makes sense, because as usual, we need to look at things on an individual level and not generalize an entire group of people. Some women may like it because it is familiar to them because perhaps they have been treated poorly in the past- other women, like myself, will not respond to being bullied, however, and will leave at the drop of a hat because they have been treated with respect by men in their lives.

I don't understand why the concept of NOT GENERALIZING is so hard to get people to understand. Is it so hard to believe that everyone is different???


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## macaw (Sep 6, 2010)

Voted no.

I don't think I can headdesk enough at this topic.



mcmuffinme said:


> I don't understand why the concept of NOT GENERALIZING is so hard to get people to understand. Is it so hard to believe that everyone is different???


 Because it's easier to make generalizations. It's part of the art of laziness.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

anymouse said:


> masochism is not healthy..


Well now, there's no need to bring that broad brush out. Ahem... :door

EDIT: Edited due to vociferous protests.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

anymouse said:


> i didn't mean to edit me into it.. fantastic. thank you very little. ar


Oh, "man up"!


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

anymouse said:


> i think to balance, for fairness, i ought to note that women are held to rugged standards, as well. well, moreso when it comes to physicality.


Oh yeah. I never said they weren't.



anymouse said:


> question: if you truly believe all of that about the male face, then why did i react so well to a picture of a video game character on a magazine i saw today, only to discover it was, in fact, a fully featured woman. full lips, everything. women are openminded about features on a man. and you'll notice women like all types of men from thin to heavy.


I don't "believe it". It's just something I came across and thought worth discussing. I am not peddling the theory.



anymouse said:


> i sincerely hope you remove all of those judgements from your post, heroin. :cry
> as for mine, NOT OFFENSIVE! i think. :b


They're not "judgements". I didn't say I think all women are out to use guys or whatever. The topic was whether women find violent guys attractive. I just cited some biological research done in the area, and why it may be true in some cases.

Why don't you react strongly to the "they were abused so they go back for more abuse" theory? Because that one doesn't upset people and this might?

These theories are not established fact. There is no reason to "express belief" in them. I only posted it for discussion.

And if you somehow feel that I've "attacked" all women, here a cartoon about nice guys to even the scales. Maybe we should start a thread about that too.


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## house bound (Dec 13, 2010)

yes they prefer bad boys because they see nice guys as boring and they dont want to have sex with them they would rather have sex with someone like ted bundy honestly im not joking its true they usually wont admit to being attracted to that type because they want to look feminine they always say o i want a nice guy who will treat me with respect but they are bull****ing thats why they never leave their pr**k of a boyfriend even do they never shut up complaining about them how much of a pr**k he is and if she leaves him she always gets back with him sorry man us nice guys are screwed for the rest of our miserable lives


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

In my 31 years, from what ive seen and experienced i would say yes, women generally tend to go for the bad boys over non bad boys. 

And why wouldnt they? Bad boys offer excitement, shy guys dont.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

heroin said:


> I don't psychoanalyze people, and what they do is their business, but research done on the matter suggests that women unconsciously seek out and are attracted to the alpha male type (who has to be strong (healthy) and able to establish dominance, sometimes through violence), in order that the children he fathers have good health and social advantages. Unfortunately, the alpha male is aggressive and domineering (traits that make him alpha) and those traits may sometimes be directed against the woman. Also, since other women too seek him out, he has many options, so he is liable to be unfaithful. Thereby not guaranteeing protection for the woman and her children.
> 
> This is something that works on a biological level. Doesn't mean it is an absolute thing. Obviously other social factors come in to play in the building of romantic relationships. But it holds true at the level that pure physical attraction works. Apparently we haven't outgrown the biological programming from hunter-gatherer times.
> 
> ...


Exactamundo.

Men divide women into madonnas and *****s, women divide men into breeders and feeders.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

I don't believe that anyone "prefers" to be with someone who treats them badly.

The whole "women only date jerks" thing is a classic baseless argument, usually formed when a person operates under the assumption that "she's dating him and not me...therefore he must be a jerk!"

It is true that some women do end up in crappy relationships. That's life. Do those women seek such relationships out? No. Any mentally/emotionally healthy adult human being wants, and needs, their relationships to be caring and stable.

If we're talking straight up abuse, well, there are a number of reasons why a woman could end up in an abusive relationship, none of which involve her "wanting to be treated badly". It doesn't have anything to do with some primal desire for an "Alpha Male" either. The most common reasons include low self esteem, and growing up in a household where neglect/abuse was common place (people often subconsciously model their own relationships after what they observe of their parents).


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

mbp86 said:


> I guess this isn't the best place to ask this question because you women don't represent the majority.





mbp86 said:


> I need to be a jerk.


 kinda sound a bit like one... :duck


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

Yeah they are, I see plenty of examples of this everyday!


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

^ I understand the frustration.

It seems like the men who think like this don't have a lot of healthy interaction with women, and learn about "how women are" almost entirely through message boards that confirm what they want to believe.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

the stupid me was


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

anymouse said:


> :hug:rub:cuddle:stu


aw smileys always make me happy


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

anymouse said:


> offensive. entire thread is offensive! *protests*


OK fine. I've edited my post.

People are so sensitive these days. *shakes head*.


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

People like to be treated like Master & Servent!!!!


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## Same Difference (Aug 26, 2010)

Every debate on this forum is stopped dead in its tracks by two assumptions:

1. No individual preference reflects the majority's preference.
2. Your personal experiences are unreliable.

It's all so convenient, isn't it? If someone hurts your feelings, or if an opinion differs from yours, you can immediately silence them by pulling out one of the above from your bag of tricks. "Shut up, you don't represent anyone!" "Well that's strange, none of the things you described ever happened to me, so you must be wrong!" It's the ultimate conversation-stopper. There's no going forward after that. And so we sacrifice any semblance of an open discussion on the altar of political correctness. Speaking your mind merits an infraction, and no one can ever gain any ground.


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

What do you guys think, all the guys voted Yes and the girls voted No?


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

anymouse said:


> pretty much. oh wait, i'm not a guy. sorry for answering. _*hey, i thought "you guys" was gender-neutral!*_ i protesteth! too much! :mum


It is. Maybe I should of said men and women instead of guys twice in the same sentence >.<


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## Think_For_Yourself (Dec 7, 2010)

The attractive women are.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Here's my theory to explain all these threads:

The guys who believe women are attracted to guys who treat them badly are guys who idealize a more traditionalist, grunty bodybuilder male ideal. They may not be grunty bodybuilders themselves -- often they're skinny geeks -- but they _wish_ they were grunty bodybuilders. For women, they likewise idealize the "traditional" pretty doll homemaker who doesn't think for herself.

These desperate-to-be-alpha-male guys are intimidated by independent women, especially those who are smarter than them, since they feel they have to fulfill the "in charge" decision maker role from their cultural mythology. As a result, these guys are repeatedly attracted to women who are codependant and, shall we say, on the slow side. These women are naturally much more likely than most to fall for manipulative guys who treat them badly. Also their animalistic pseudo-social-darwinist values system tells them that the strongest alpha male needs to mate with the sexiest female in the pack. This attracts them to the women who flaunt their sexuality the most aggressively, which will be the most desperate women who will thus more easily fall for aggressive meatheads who treat them badly.

Combine these factors, and these guys only notice the women who are most likely to fall for "bad boys."

_Editor's note: This post is sarcastic. Of course the guys with said belief have many different reasons and this vastly oversimplifies the issue._


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Hoth said:


> Here's my theory to explain all these threads:
> 
> The guys who believe women are attracted to guys who treat them badly are guys who idealize a more traditionalist, grunty bodybuilder male ideal. They may not be grunty bodybuilders themselves -- often they're skinny geeks -- but they _wish_ they were grunty bodybuilders. For women, they likewise idealize the "traditional" pretty doll homemaker who doesn't think for herself.
> 
> ...


Some of the "generalization", etc. etc. that everybody's complaining about in this thread, is evident in your post. Which I have no problem with, btw. General observations about a group do help us in understanding how societies work.

But for me, personally, an "in charge" woman is the suff of fantasies. I want to be the immature one in the relationship, and therefore am very attracted to women who *don't* fit the homely girl template. And I am completely unashamed to admit this. It is just a tragedy that there aren't many women like that, if there are any at all.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

It's generalizing, yes. It's a rather sarcastic, exaggerated post written in frustration and there are doubtless lots of different unrelated reasons for people's beliefs.



heroin said:


> But for me, personally, an "in charge" woman is the suff of fantasies. I want to be the immature one in the relationship, and therefore am very attracted to women who *don't* fit the homely girl template. And I am completely unashamed to admit this. It is just a tragedy that there aren't many women like that, if there are any at all.


I'll admit I'm not exactly experienced, but from a distance it seems like there are lots of those. Maybe it's your age group, or more specifically your social group, which are the issue.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> Personally no, but I DO kindof see why some girls like the whole wanting-to-make-a-bad-guy-good thing. I think girls that stay in those relationships want to be the one to change the guy, to make them respectful and nice. I think it's kindof...if this guy was so bad but he changed for me then I must be really special? That kind of deal? I'm not talking with extremes such as verbal of physical abuse, but just generally not as nice guys, maybe.





Nae said:


> I've read an explanation which said it isn't so much about the bad treatment being attractive but about the contrast between the bad treatment and good treatment. So a "good guy" might offer more affection in the absolute but they lack the contrast a "bad boy" can create between uncaring behavior and affectionate behavior, which amplifies the subjective feeling of affection.


These 2 posts sum up what I was going to say on the matter. There can be an intrigue in the contrast between "bad boy" & caring behaviours & a desire to change the balance of that ratio to more good than bad. It's similar to wanting to "fix" or complete a depressed guy, the intrigue is in understanding his sadness & the goal is to show him what happiness is.

The questions assumes it's all or none though when really it's down to individual circumstance


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Hoth said:


> Here's my theory to explain all these threads:
> 
> The guys who believe women are attracted to guys who treat them badly are guys who idealize a more traditionalist, grunty bodybuilder male ideal. They may not be grunty bodybuilders themselves -- often they're skinny geeks -- but they _wish_ they were grunty bodybuilders. For women, they likewise idealize the "traditional" pretty doll homemaker who doesn't think for herself.
> 
> ...


I think this most definitely applies to guys who are into the "pick-up artist" culture (hence all the manipulative tactics), but I don't think it's fair to apply this generalization to guys on this board. Though I kind of think the idealizing alpha males part applies to the OP.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

no. 

no woman thinks, hey, here's a guy who's gonna treat me badly. I really want him. 

it's not that simple, and one has nothing to do with the other.


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## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

I couldn't think of anything worse. I'd be more than happy to be single instead.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I think I should have asked, "Are women attracted to jerks?"


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

house bound said:


> yes they prefer bad boys because they see nice guys as boring and they dont want to have sex with them they would rather have sex with someone like ted bundy honestly im not joking its true they usually wont admit to being attracted to that type because they want to look feminine they always say o i want a nice guy who will treat me with respect but they are bull****ing thats why they never leave their pr**k of a boyfriend even do they never shut up complaining about them how much of a pr**k he is and if she leaves him she always gets back with him sorry man us nice guys are screwed for the rest of our miserable lives


gee when you put it that way i think i really have been fooling myself all my life crushing on the nice guys and not having the slightest feelings of attraction for abusive pricks i mean who wouldnt want a ted bundy cause ill admit it nothing gets us women hotter than a man who has raped and murdered over thirty women am i right ladies a couple weeks ago my boyfriend asked me if he treated me badly or if i just wasnt attracted to him and you know what i think its true in the past year ive been bull****ting both of us by being deeply in love with a guy who is shy and nice and respectful but now i realize my boyfriends lack of abusive and ******* behaviour is such a huge turn-off for me jeeze how have i fooled myself for this long into thinking im happy with a guy who is as far as an ******* as one could be i better sign up for one of them inmate matchmaker services quick before all those violent hotties are taken


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Most definitely. I don't understand why, but they seem to choose the worst men for them.

And all the good guys are single.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

dudebro: women only like jerks!

laydee 1: that's not true.

laydee 2: that's not true.

laydee 3: that's not true.

dudebro: LA LA LA NOT LISTENING


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

^^ lol pretty much sums it up.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Pay attention to what a women does not says. Doc Love "


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

The majority of women like men. There is a small percentage that like women. There is a smaller percentage that do not care for either.
These are accepted facts. There can be no further generalizations made with any truth to it. It's like saying all men like football. It just ain't so.

Individual women like various types of men for various reasons.

Get this through your skulls: *You cannot make sweeping statements about all women!* All women are different. There are no two alike. Likewise, no two men are alike.

We are all individuals with individual tastes. Some people like the loud obnoxious type. Some like the intelligent studious type. Some have a ting for Asians while someone else likes Hispanics.

When you gripe about not being able to approach someone and blame it on SA, I ask you, "What are you actively doing to overcome your anxiety?" If that is what is standing in your way, then you need to move past it. If you merely exist from day to day doing the same things, then nothing will change. If what you're doing from day to day is not working then you have to find something that will. If you sit in your room in front of the computer whining that you can't get a date, You will be in the same place 40 years from now.

Britain had a great general named Baden-Powell known as the Hero of Mafeking. A very outgoing and dynamic individual. *He married for the 1st time at the age of 55.* 
If you concentrate on overcoming your own problems (and getting laid is not one of them), then you can think about expanding your horizons to include a partner.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Pay attention to what a women does not says. Doc Love "


hahahahaha.


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## Cerberios (Nov 8, 2010)

I think part of the bad boy act is the physical appearance. A rugged looking guy and some sick threads to top it all off. A woman may be attracted to him just by appearance but the abuse may become tiresome and over shadow how hot this guy may be.

Just what I think: a girl may like the bad boy, but she never stay's with the bad boy.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I was in an abusive relationship for 2.5 years. I was oddly attached to him. Now I'm with a guy who treats me very well and life is better.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

mbp86 said:


> I think I should have asked, "Are women attracted to jerks?"


Well "jerk" implies bad or mean to other people. Therefore, are women attracted to mean people? Same question my friend. tee hee.


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## macaw (Sep 6, 2010)

fingertips said:


> dudebro: women only like jerks!
> 
> laydee 1: that's not true.
> 
> ...


 Ahahaha.

</thread>


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## cubanscorpio (Jun 30, 2010)

there shoulda been a "sometimes" option


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## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

Does anyone else get that misanthropic feeling in your gut when you see evolutionary psychologists justify mate preference using "alpha male" analogies?

So much for progressive modern man......


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Looks like it's been mentioned in here before, but I'd assume sometimes this is the case. More often than not though I believe girls are not attracted to guys who treat them poorly. It also seems sometimes girls who do put up with nasty treatment will stick around because sometimes these guys treat them like angels, and especially at the start of the relationship and it seems like as the relationship progresses these girls block out the bad times and hope for the good times.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Lack of self-respect and fear of being alone can keep people in bad relationships.


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

Amocholes said:


> The majority of women like men. There is a small percentage that like women. There is a smaller percentage that do not care for either.
> These are accepted facts. There can be no further generalizations made with any truth to it. It's like saying all men like football. It just ain't so.
> 
> Individual women like various types of men for various reasons.
> ...


u started to talk like a str8 man now!:yes


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## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

I don't get it.

How masochistic do you have to be to tolerate a loud, aggressive, abusive, hormone driven caveman to boss you around?

I guess it's women's subconscious need for protection. Heh. That explains it. :roll

Rise Freud!


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

straightarrows said:


> u started to talk like a str8 man now!:yes


No you just have to realize that you are dealing with individuals and not a group.


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## Syncsolo (Oct 26, 2010)

I think there are two main reasons why some women stick with guys that treat them like crap. 
1. Because they love them
2. Because they're scared of being single and alone and would rather be in a bad relationship than none at all.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Amocholes said:


> No you just have to realize that you are dealing with individuals and not a group.


So generalization on a group level is never appropriate?
It's wrong to say that men on average are physically stronger than women? Or that black athletes are better represented in top level sprint events than other ethnicities?
Should we stop making any kind of (supported with data) generalization for fear it might offend someone?


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

When I was younger I used to think that women often preferred bad men, but now I realize that I was wrong. It's my problem that I'm socially anxious and I don't blame women for not wanting men like me. If I were a 'healthy' woman, I definitely wouldn't want someone like me. Yes, I'm a nice person and reliable etc. but that doesn't change the fact that living with me would be very hard for a normal person.


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## Kakaka (Apr 7, 2010)

Might be going off on a bit of tangent here but I thought this was interesting. There is a fetish whereby _*some *_women are attracted to men who have commited horrific crimes (murderers, rapists...)

Ted Bundy received hundreds of letters from female admirers and even got married on death row. In one case, two women left their "normal" husbands for murderers and when they were released both of them got murdered by their new husband :blank

I don't recommend this as a way to go about getting women by the way :b


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

I voted 'No' 'cause the majority of women I know don't like men who treat them like crap. Same goes for me. I do know a bunch of colleagues though that their boyfriends screw around on them so because of that I'd say that its about 70/30, most women want a man who treats them right.

I also feel that its the same for men. 70% of men want a good woman whereas about 30% of men are willing to date a woman 'cause she's hot or they're in love with her, despite the fact she cheats or takes advantage of them (financially or otherwise).


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## Mandyy (Jan 3, 2011)

I do.
I'm f*cked up I know.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Most women seem to want a 'bad boy' that will treat them well.

Most women dont seem to understand that these guys dont exist.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

poll results would indicate otherwise


hth


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I guess I was so used to abuse I couldn't spot it anymore.  I'm still very much in love with him.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

No. I hate those type of guys but those are the ones I end up dating.
Why? Because they're usually persistent in talking me into dating them...and they're good liars and actors. They pretend to be something they're not, for awhile to bait you in. They make you think they're sweet and innocent and then a month, or a few months, later you see the true side of them.
I think that's just the thing...the true nice guys either just dont like me or arent persistent enough to date me, so I never get a chance to meet any.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I wonder what the correlation is between women that are with abusive partners and whether or not the women are mentally ill. 

Not trying to be offensive. But perhaps there is something in their mindset and subconscious that they "want" to be controlled and punished. 

I hate to admit it, but there is a part of me that wants that. Although, "rationally", I know I wouldn't. 

Psh. Don't yell at me. It's a BPD thing. Or so I heard. I actually hope it is. :um


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Definitely, it's why I took up karate


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Mandyy said:


> I do.
> I'm f*cked up I know.





Homersxchild said:


> I wonder what the correlation is between women that are with abusive partners and whether or not the women are mentally ill.
> 
> Not trying to be offensive. But perhaps there is something in their mindset and subconscious that they "want" to be controlled and punished.
> 
> ...


No, you're not f*cked up, you're just unusually honest.

Every thread we've had about this topic has seen a number of women own up to the same thing.

It's kind of like taking a survey on who masturbates. Women always report in at a significantly lower rate, even though the actual number is likely similar between genders.

Same deal here. Women feel societal pressure to be attracted to "good guys," so whatever percentage report being attracted to a guy who treats them badly, you can likely tack on a fair bit extra and get the truth.


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## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

I'm attracted to guys who treat me badly. :boogie


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Homersxchild said:


> I wonder what the correlation is between women that are with abusive partners and whether or not the women are mentally ill.
> 
> Not trying to be offensive. But perhaps there is something in their mindset and subconscious that they "want" to be controlled and punished.
> 
> ...


I think having low self-worth and low self-esteem would most relate to it, which is common for people with BPD and depression... People with SA certainly have lower self-esteem than the average person, too. It's sad, and I can really understand how people like us or with those problems can easily end up in abusive or controlling relationships. It can turn into a vicious cycle for some.


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## woot (Aug 7, 2009)

I attract women like magnets. They have good taste


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## zebra00 (Dec 28, 2010)

mbp86 said:


> Did all women vote on my poll?


all the ones that said yes are men and all the ones that said no are women there must be a few more women than men on the site tonight


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## Meli24R (Dec 9, 2008)

I'm sure some women are probably attracted to guys who treat them badly and some aren't. So I don't want to vote yes or no. It's not like we all share a brain. 
I've honestly never been attracted to jerky men and I can't really understand how some women can stay in abusive relationships.
I was bullied a lot in school (by both girls and guys) that was bad enough. I can't imagine being in a relationship and living with someone who'd treat me like **** I would not tolerate it.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm only attracted to men who throw me down staircases and use my open wounds to absorb my tears.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Drella said:


> I'm only attracted to men who throw me down staircases and use my face to mop up my own tears.


*proposes*


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Drella said:


> I'm only attracted to men who throw me down staircases and use my face to mop up my own tears.


You need to come out from underneath Samuel L Jackson's kangol hat more often, you're very funny.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

mbp86 said:


> It seems to me like many women are in relationships with bad men. These guys are verbally and/or physically abusive to them. Many of them have also served jail time. I often wonder why women prefer these guys over the ones who will treat them with respect. It's like jerks get relationships and nice guys get friendship (without benefits).


A few women do genuinely prefer that, maybe ones that aren't very nice themselves. Then you get some that might be too scared to say no to these guys. Sometimes these guys can appear nice at first in order to get the woman and then when their bad side comes out they are already locked in.


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

I've liked guys that seemed nice but have turned out to be jerks. Then I stop liking them. 

I think experience can help recognising early signs that the relationship won't be a healthy one, but then some people are very deceptive.


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## Emanresu (Jun 2, 2010)

I think a lot of women fall in love with people who treat them like a princess, then after they're in love they two-face and treat them like ****, so they put up with it because they're "in love"


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I love all the justifications so far. Maybe they were abused in childhood (by a man, of course). Maybe they "just are too scared to say no" to the intimidating male brute.
Hardly any posts suggesting that maybe it is the woman's judgement that was flawed in some of those cases or that some may just like that kind of personality naturally (without being abused). I mean, when was the last time you saw a male bully without a girlfriend?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

> yeh. i mean, it's unspeakable.. that the wimminfolks could enjoy feisty men. i mean, only men are allowed to enjoy feist! wimmins who do are clearly sinners. burn 'em! :blank


More tiresome and unimaginative sarcasm.

Besides, nobody was talking about "feistyness". The topic was about attraction to men that treat women badly. If you equate bad treatment of other people with "fiestyness" then I am seriously disturbed by your view.

And the thing I was talking in that post was about women who willingly enter or continue abusive relationships. The justification is always "Oh she was abused", so actually a man is responsible for her chasing men who'll treat her badly. Or that she "couldn't say no" to the men who treated her badly. Basically anything undesirable you see from women, like chasing bad relationships (she was absed by a man) or unwillingness to make the first move (men made us like that!) is the fault of men.

That some women consistently enter into bad relationships is the fault of men. I find that disgusting.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I think this might be taking the bad boy concept a little too far. I think an attractive guy for girls is an attractive guy period; sure he may turn out to be a dick. But it's his attractiveness that got him the girl not the fact that he is a dick. 

Almost all of the guys that are unattractive to women are nice because that's just how they are. It is not the niceness that lead women to be turned off, it is just the fact that they are unattractive. There are nice guys that get laid; the difference is that these guys are actually attractive. Tell an unattractive dude to be a dick to women; my guess would be that women would just think of them as annoying, ******* pests and nothing more.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

> *inserts 'dood.. why u gotta be so mean?' sentiment*
> 
> seriously, though, i wasn't directing my "tiresome and unimaginative" sarcasm at you. i was directing it at all of the people on here who treat women as though they are only allowed to like one type of human. as the female hasn't got a right to her own opinions/tastes. and the women who came forward in this thread as having "unacceptable" taste, you have just slaughtered. :/


Fair enough. Sorry for going off like that.

Basically, what I wanted to say was, sometimes a guy may actually not be responsible for a messed up situation. Please do not discount the possibility of a guy _*not*_ being responsible for a messed up situation.



shynesshellasucks said:


> I think an attractive guy for girls is an attractive guy period; sure he may turn out to be a dick. But it's his attractiveness that got him the girl not the fact that he is a dick.


Do you mean attractiveness from multiple traits or just physical attractiveness?


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

heroin said:


> Do you mean attractiveness from multiple traits or just physical attractiveness?


multiple


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I'm attracted to men who like to take creative punishment


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Yep. It has something to do with inflated self-esteem by the guy and lowering of status for the woman. She feels like she is with someone much better than she deserves. 

Why women do this.........you could write a book on the different reasons.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Crystalline said:


> I'm attracted to men who like to take creative punishment


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

VanDamMan said:


>


Pshh, hardly creative or punishing.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Sometimes. I would have one offload on me regularly about her problems. She would speculate as to why she was often attracted to them, especially if they were already taken. There are all sorts of reasons why someone would tolerate poor treatment. She thought she wasn't good enough. All genders seem to take a lot of **** and to dish it out. Another phenomenon is they also seem attracted to you most when you're a bit unavailable. That's typical. When I ignored my partners they became keen - both males and females - and treated me with more respect. However, the females both loved this and lapped up attention or support, so you can get in trouble either way. One left me within a few days due to receiving massive attention and support from another, despite not feeling much attraction for this person.


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## eejm (Jan 22, 2010)

Emanresu said:


> I think a lot of women fall in love with people who treat them like a princess, then after they're in love they two-face and treat them like ****, so they put up with it because they're "in love"


You're on the right track. Some women believe that they're either not worth better treatment, prefer being with someone abusive than being alone, or have been conditioned to believe they are responsible for all of the work that goes into the relationship (and if it turns sour, it must be something they had done wrong). There are plenty of men who believe this too and put up with abusive, cheating women for the very same reason.

There are always exceptions (they're called masochists) who really want to be with someone who causes them pain. But in general, most heterosexual women want men who will treat them with kindness and respect.


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