# Any late bloomers who made it out alright?



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Is there anyone here who was a late bloomer when it came to dating but eventually was able to attract people and form relationships? What advice would you give to people who are still struggling?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

< Late bloomer

Always go after what you want, and do it consistently. What will happen is you will become more confident; you will be better able to attract people either because you have _changed your negative thought patterns_ or because you are _taking the right actions_.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

< Late bloomer

Love yourself and have no regrets, and others will love you. Easier said than done, but luckily you don't have to have 100% confidence to start forming relationships. As long as you are trying your best, you will meet people on that journey.


----------



## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

< Late bloomer @ 24

Just do you and someone will eventually come.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I think I'm a late bloomer. I think it was dating when I was 16 or 17. I never had a real relationship. I didn't start masturbating till I was 18..didn't have my first orgasm till I was 19...didn't lose virginity until 19. I dunno if you would call that a late bloomer. It seems like most people have sex or whatever when they are in high school. But I am still struggling. I can't seem to keep people...they just become distracted and leave :/ So not really any relationship experience.


----------



## callalilly26 (Jun 13, 2012)

<--- Late bloomer. I didn't start dating until I was 19 and even past those years I didn't know how. I dated a lot, but I didn't really like myself. And every relationship I've ever had has been unhealthy. I'm currently taking a break from dating. I have to agree with what everyone was saying in this thread so far. You need to really become confident, positive, and love yourself because that attracts good things.


----------



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Late bloomer here. I'm almost 22 and I've done nothing. Never dated, never had sex, never kissed, never even told a girl I liked her. I guess it's starting to catch up with me and affect me negatively, but I'm trying my best to remain confident with who I am. Dating is just so tedious to me.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Late bloomer here. I'm almost 22 and I've done nothing. Never dated, never had sex, never kissed, never even told a girl I liked her. I guess it's starting to catch up with me and affect me negatively, but I'm trying my best to remain confident with who I am. Dating is just so tedious to me.


If we lived closer...just saying.

That may seem weird but whatever I'm saying it.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I didn't start having sex till I was almost 20. Never dated before that. Got my first boyfriend at age 20 1/2. But I've been masturbating almost my whole life. Since I was a toddler.


----------



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

meganmila said:


> If we lived closer...just saying.
> 
> That may seem weird but whatever I'm saying it.


Make sure you bring a lasso and have quick reflexes, because I would be running so fast that I could probably turn back time :b


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm a late bloomer, because I am 30 and have never even kissed a girl.

I hope I make it out alright. I don't know if I will.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Make sure you bring a lasso and have quick reflexes, because I would be running so fast that I could probably turn back time :b


Wait you'll be running away from me :/ No one runs away from me 

Or I didn't get what was implied like usual.../dumb moment.


----------



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Wait you'll be running away from me :/ No one runs away from me
> 
> Or I didn't get what was implied like usual.../dumb moment.


I was talking about my fear of meeting and getting close to people.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> I was talking about my fear of meeting and getting close to people.


Ahhh..well I'm easy going person I'm not so scary meh.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I doubt sincerely any girl/woman would like me enough to want to date me, kiss me, or have sex with me.

Without any money involved.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

42 and I have never done anything with a woman. No reason it will be any different when I'm 43.


----------



## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

I didn't actually date anyone properly or get a girlfriend until 26  I was starting to become convinced that there was something inherently wrong with me and that it just wouldn't ever happen. It did eventually, although it did take a lot of work to get here.

My advice is to be patient, try not to let it get to you.. easier said than done. And in the mean time, work on overcoming anxiety, depression, get some experiences, increase your confidence, pursue hobbies and interests and generally develop yourself as a person. It'll help, and you'll be in a better place when you finally do get into a relationship.

This is cliche, but do put yourself out there. You have to be in social situations, and actually talk to people, and if you're a guy you'll most likely have to initiate most of it too. Girls can too if they have the confidence  Which is scary but trust me, you will be able to eventually. Even if you're sitting at home on the internet you can try to be social and find people to talk to online. Some people have found someone that way... I didn't but I have met a lot of interesting people on here and in other places.

For me personally I exercised regularly, went through a hell of a lot of stuff to reduce anxiety, pursued some hobbies like playing guitar, music, and film, and pursued my career.. although it's still getting off the ground due to all the setbacks from depression and anxiety. And tried my best to develop a social life, which I'm still struggling with to be honest, but it was probably that rather than any direct pursuit of a relationship that lead to things happening.

Also, please don't look for a relationship to fix you. Most people probably aren't but I'm sure there are some hoping it'll cure everything. I think plenty of people said that to me before, and I probably ignored them, but you will realise those problems will still be there.. and a relationship will actually probably add a few more in one way or another.

Last thing.. you still need a hell of a lot of luck to meet someone who's single, compatible, and in the right time at the right place for you to meet and strike up conversation, even if everything else is in place. So don't give up.

Most of this is pretty vague I know. Probably the things that helped the most.. fighting anxiety and developing a social life. I essentially met my first girlfriend through a group of friends I met through another friendship that I developed through some lucky circumstances. And don't read that thinking 'my social life is nonexistent so its impossible'. So was mine.. don't give up 

Um.. yeah


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am just too ugly for love.


----------



## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

I lost my virginity at 16, but until about six months ago, was never in an actual relationship (granted, it's not a traditional one, but one I feel very happy, natural, accepted, comfortable, and lucky to be a part of) /never went on a date. I'm 23. To be completely honest, I'm not sure how I could give any kind of advice. I met him online, on a different forum, and it was just sort of dumb luck that everything worked out so well. I think one thing that has helped is the fact that two of us have anxiety in common; we were working from a base of this shared understanding to begin with. It really made me feel comfortable telling him about other personal things, which, in turn, fostered a sense of intimacy I'd never experienced with anyone before. It just so happened that we had much in common, and for some crazy, lucky reason, he also finds me physically attractive, as I do him (and his wife-- there's one of the nontraditional aspects: they're in an open marriage. She is bisexual, as I am. And by another weird stroke of luck, I am attracted to her, too, as she is to me. It works.)


----------



## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

I hope something works out for you eventually Winters.

And to Elleire.. that is kind of crazy... also very interesting, heh. Hey if it works for you, I'm glad


----------



## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I am just too ugly for love.


What an awful thing to say about yourself. :squeeze Here's where I'm itching to start a "I used to think that too, but..." sentence. But... those don't really help, do they? In any case, I really do hope you find someone.



Paragon said:


> And to Elleire.. that is kind of crazy... also very interesting, heh. Hey if it works for you, I'm glad


Thank you. And yes, crazy. But a very good kind of crazy! Hah.


----------



## Sabriella (Nov 23, 2009)

Definitely a late bloomer here. I'm 22 and 5 months old and I have never had sex, been in a relationship or been on a date. I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 19, and since then I've only kissed one other person. I have a teeny bit more confidence now though, and I feel that it's growing every day. I feel like something should happen soon.


----------



## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

EternallyRestless said:


> Is there anyone here who was a late bloomer when it came to dating but eventually was able to attract people and form relationships? What advice would you give to people who are still struggling?


My advice is to get off the computer and go outside. You're making the same mistake I made. Don't put it off and end up like me. It will be too late for you. I'm 34 now, and my life is pointless.


----------



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Mongoose said:


> My advice is to get off the computer and go outside. You're making the same mistake I made. Don't put it off and end up like me. It will be too late for you. I'm 34 now, and my life is pointless.


I totally understand, but it's hard for me because I'm really not into what most people my age are into. When I turn 21 I do want to start going more places and doing more things, but I don't have much in common with people my age because I'm not really into partying.


----------



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

EternallyRestless said:


> I totally understand, but it's hard for me because I'm really not into what most people my age are into. When I turn 21 I do want to start going more places and doing more things, but I don't have much in common with people my age because I'm not really into partying.


I'm the same wrt hating partying and drinking, and as far as everyone else doing it, it hasn't really gotten much better in my mid 20s. Unless you plan on forcing yourself into a lifestyle you don't enjoy after you turn 21, I'd start dealing with it now.

Online dating isn't for everyone, but I think it might be one of the best ways for you to find someone who's like-minded. If you make a profile that's completely honest and doesn't try to hedge and pretend you actually do party to attract the "mainstream" audience, I think you'll find a minority of guys more like you who will be very interested and appreciate it a lot.

Of course, you can always join clubs and stuff like that, too. But in reality, it's really hard to find twenty-somethings these days whose idea of a fun weekend isn't partying both nights, and online dating gives you the advantage of numbers and the ability to hone in more easily.


----------



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

anomalous said:


> Online dating isn't for everyone, but I think it might be one of the best ways for you to find someone who's like-minded. If you make a profile that's completely honest and doesn't try to hedge and pretend you actually do party to attract the "mainstream" audience, I think you'll find a minority of guys more like you who will be very interested and appreciate it a lot.
> 
> Of course, you can always join clubs and stuff like that, too. But in reality, it's really hard to find twenty-somethings these days whose idea of a fun weekend isn't partying both nights, and online dating gives you the advantage of numbers and the ability to hone in more easily.


I see your point, I just feel like I'm a little young for online dating. Have you tried it? Did it help?


----------



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Never been kissed until I was 18 and then it was just a drunken random. Lost virginity and had my first bf at 19.

I have turned out good  I don't think it matters when you start but there will be lessons to learn at any age. I'm now 24 and engaged.


----------



## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

< Late bloomer here also I guess, I lost my virginity late last year, but did not have a girlfriend for the past 2 years.


----------



## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Late bloomer for sure.

And doing ok for the most part.
Not totally ideal. But married, etc.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm not going to still be a virgin at 31. I'm not going to let it get to that point.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> I'm not going to still be a virgin at 31. I'm not going to let it get to that point.


**** YEH!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

rymo said:


> **** YEH!


I read something helpful on reddit. Yes, reddit. It was to another 30 year old virgin who had never kissed a girl.

This guy said that he was also a late bloomer, although he was 27 when he first kissed a woman, and he is now 31 and married. And he said this:

"Be nice, respectable, kind, and friendly. If she likes you as more than a friend, you will know, and you can make a move. Don't be afraid to make a move. If not, you will at least have made a friend.

Treat her like one of the guys. Even if that means calling her dude. If she likes you, she won't care...she will just be thankful that you're treating her like a human being. Don't put her on a pedestal. Treat her like a real person, and she will treat you like a real man."

I'm paraphrasing, but that is essentially what it said. And it sure beats being bitter. I probably failed with my latest crush, because I was all googley eyed and treated her like she was better than me...which made her not respect me. I need to treat attractive women like just one of the guys, only with different parts.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> I read something helpful on reddit. Yes, reddit. It was to another 30 year old virgin who had never kissed a girl.
> 
> This guy said that he was also a late bloomer, although he was 27 when he first kissed a woman, and he is now 31 and married. And he said this:
> 
> ...


It's true. Being relaxed and simply talking to a cute girl like a normal person is huge. Why? Because most guys do the googly-eye thing and even if they do have the balls to talk to her they act like a dancing monkey just to impress her. Once you stop trying to impress and start trying to have FUN with the interaction, that's when you separate yourself from the crowd. That's when things start to happen. :boogie


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

graduated from college @27. Eliminated anxiety at 40-45ish. Working at same job for last 12 years. Working on masters. Looking forward very much. Lots of anxiety related bumps along the way. Insomnia, class failures, school switching, embarrassing relationship sabotages etc.


----------



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

EternallyRestless said:


> I see your point, I just feel like I'm a little young for online dating. Have you tried it? Did it help?


I haven't tried it, but I imagine a lot of guys who don't like bars and **** will be on dating sites, since there aren't that many other places IRL where it's easy to meet partners. Granted, a lot of pervs and frauds will also be on them, so you'll have to sift through that.

Still, even though I've never so much as browsed a dating site, I get the feeling it can't be that hard to use your intuition to weed out the creepers. I know a few male friends with temperaments similar to me who have signed up for dating sites.


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

Theres actually no phope for me 

I was looking through some old photos from when I was younger and i was so ugly, I had big rabbit teeth and a mishaped head, I can see why people bullied me now, I'm probably still a horrible looking **** with buck teeth.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

> I can see why people bullied me now,


Nobody deserves to be bullied.

And I am sure someone will love you. You just have to have hope.


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> Nobody deserves to be bullied.
> 
> And I am sure someone will love you. You just have to have hope.


I did, the way I look is enough for people to just bully me, natural selection. I'm not arsed about being loved, love is fake anyway, I give up on hope as well, I've just accepted that life will always be the same for me. Its okay people saying 'oh theres nothing wrong with you' when they clearly no there is, I'm too much of retard to be around normal people.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

I want this to change. For sure I want something to happen positive romantically for me this year.


----------



## Anxietyriddled (Jan 5, 2013)

Scared to talk to talk to strangers lol Can't even hold a conversation with a random female. Even if I could my ****ed up life will repel them. Gawdda!


----------



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I get the feeling that with enough patience, I will make it out okay. Everybody has to start somewhere and some start later than others. But just like the story of The Tortoise and the Hare, sometimes starting slowly and taking your time will get you far bigger rewards than if you rush it. 

I read a study that talked said losing your virginity in your 20s meant that these people had fewer, but more satisfying relationships. Of course, it's just one study and is not universal, but I do think it's good to bloom late sometimes.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Late bloomer, age 25 when I had my first relationship. Advice: Don't "be yourself", if "yourself" is someone you wouldn't date. Be better than yourself. Don't listen to advice about women from women, and if you're bitter about women, don't let it show. Give people the impression that you're having fun in life. Don't have ridiculously high standards if you're not the cream of the crop yourself.


----------



## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Late bloomer who has never been in a relationship...
but I have attracted guys here and there..


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

> I read a study that talked said losing your virginity in your 20s meant that these people had fewer, but more satisfying relationships. Of course, it's just one study and is not universal, but I do think it's good to bloom late sometimes.


What about those who lose their virginity in their 30's?


----------



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> What about those who lose their virginity in their 30's?


I don't think it said anything about it. Like I said, it's just one study and certainly can't be generalized to everybody. I think the article just reported the results and not the scientific methods used to determine those results, so it's difficult to accept it as fact.


----------

