# Why do many people NOT care about looks?



## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

Why do many people NOT care about looks? 

Many people on many forums often say they don't care, at all, about looks. They say they only care about personality (primarily confidence) and employment status.

This seem strange to me because a pleasant appearance is a sign of good health, thorough hygiene, a nutritious diet, potentially common interest, discipline, protective abilities, and longevity.

In addition, I thought people were biologically programed to desire healthy looking mates that can produce healthy offspring. 

It seems strange to me to not care, at all, about looks. 

Obviously, personality matters too. However, I've never felt as though I've had to choose between the two. Nearly every beautiful/adorable looking girl I've met has a good personality. Many have great personalities


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Some people don't have a choice really. It's easy to be alone if you are too picky.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

im not gonna lie, i care about looks.. but what ive found to be is that the persons personality really skews how i see that persons superficially... i hope that makes sense , im feeling a bit scrambled at the moment


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## litchee (May 8, 2007)

illmatic1 said:


> im not gonna lie, i care about looks.. but what ive found to be is that the persons personality really skews how i see that persons superficially... i hope that makes sense , im feeling a bit scrambled at the moment


^ this


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

People are naturally visual....you SEE a person before you know anything about their personality. People who claim to not care about looks are just trying to be P.C.


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## Things Unsaid (Nov 26, 2012)

I care a little. I definitely care if they never shower and gobble junk food all day. Someone can take reasonable care of themselves but still not be very attractive or not dress to impress outside of interviews and the like, though, and they certainly don't need to be stunning. 

If I have to live with and love someone long-term, I want someone whose best attributes won't fade with time and who's pleasant to be with past a surface level. I value that far more than a few extra points in appearance.

Biology can bug off. What's important isn't protecting our babies from lions and breeding for the best sprinters to get away from lions anymore. We can afford to pair off with people who are more personally fulfilling to be with.


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Some people LIE too, OP. 
I'm sorta confused about the pleasant appearance thing though...ugly people can be healthy and all those other things mentioned as well. How exactly are you defining "pleasant appearance"?


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

Things Unsaid said:


> I care a little. I definitely care if they never shower and gobble junk food all day. Someone can take reasonable care of themselves but still not be very attractive or not dress to impress outside of interviews and the like, though, and they certainly don't need to be stunning.
> 
> If I have to live with and love someone long-term, I want someone whose *best attributes won't fade with time* and who's pleasant to be with past a surface level. I value that far more than a few extra points in appearance.
> 
> Biology can bug off. What's important isn't protecting our babies from lions and breeding for the best sprinters to get away from lions anymore. We can afford to pair off with people who are more personally fulfilling to be with.


I appreciate your opinion; however, I must confess, I don't really agree with the fading concept. Personality fades (deteriorates) with time too.... plus, I've seen 50+ year olds that still look pretty good. So yes, beauty does fade with time... but the fade could take A LOT longer if an individual is diligent regarding matters of appearance.


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Some people LIE too, OP.
> I'm sorta confused about the pleasant appearance thing though...ugly people can be healthy and all those other things mentioned as well. How exactly are you defining "pleasant appearance"?


I rarely see a healthy, hygienic, etc. lady that is ugly. Of course, there are some exceptions... but their are exception to ever statement. There are very few absolutes in life.

This next part is not direct at you; instead, it's just some general thoughts that have been floating though my mind that I felt compelled to write down.

I truly believe that, for most, appearance is highly controllable. I'm not a 10/10, but I'm definitely not ugly either. I've never been called unattractive by anyone. I believe that most of this is due to hard work. I've spent thousands of hours engaging in exercise, healthy eating, additional hygiene, etc....

This is one reason why I don't really feel that shallow for liking attractive women. Being attractive, for most, requires hard work, sacrifice, discipline, and commitment. I value and appreciate such attributes and I think it's OK to say that yes, yes I do appreciate the amount of time you've dedicated to living a healthy life, etc.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

^I agree to a point. You can control a large portion of your physical appearance, but not everything, like facial structures, etc.

I think if people take care of themselves, eat decently, have good hygiene, dress decently, etc., they increase their physical appeal by lots. Most people won't do that though, but it's their life so they can do w/e they want, but don't ***** when you're fat as hell and then complain about it but not do anything about it. I realize it's hard to lose weight for some but of course you can do it. There is no willpower with some people. They'd rather blame the people for being too picky rather than trying to improve their appearance themselves.

But also don't get the impression that everyone is the same either and that they all find the same things attractive. I do think a healthy looking person is overall more attractive to most people though, yes.


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Jason 1 said:


> I rarely see a healthy, hygienic, etc. lady that is ugly. Of course, there are some exceptions... but their are exception to ever statement. There are very few absolutes in life.
> 
> This next part is not direct at you; instead, it's just some general thoughts that have been floating though my mind that I felt compelled to write down.
> 
> ...


Like the poster above me said, you can't control your face if it's ugly, unless you feel the need to please others so much that you alter it through surgery. Maybe it isn't the case for you, but i think most people notice someone attractive (or ugly) face first, and the other things you mention are bonuses.


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Like the poster above me said, you can't control your face if it's ugly, unless you feel the need to please others so much that you alter it through surgery. Maybe it isn't the case for you, but i think most people notice someone attractive (or ugly) face first, and the other things you mention are bonuses.


Hmm... I still somewhat disagree. I think A LOT of facial beauty is controllable as well. Clear skin, for example, can be achieve with the right combination of hygiene products. A lack of wrinkles is often a result of good diet and proper UV protection. Nice teeth are obtained by dilligent dental care and an avoidance (or reduction) of staining substances like coffee, sweets, tobacco, and alcohol.

You are right, though. Some things are unchangable. Nonetheless, I think most of us have the potential to be attractive. Not all of us have the potential to be _extremely attractive_, but I do think most have the potential to be _attractive. _


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

I don't believe anyone that says they don't care about looks


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I think people who say they don't care about looks aren't really so sure. I said to myself one time that I don't care about looks. That it's the personality that counts. I am a total liar. Although, I have met a few unattractive men with attractive personalities which made me sexually attracted to them. For me, a personality makes someone attractive or ugly, but if a guy is not attractive plus he has a bad personality, that's just a no.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

Maybe they mean that the personality makes or breaks the relationship potential. Of course people are going to be attracted to who they find attractive and that is what attracts them. But what makes them want to or not want to be in a relationship is primarily the personality and employment status.

OR 

they could possibly be saying that because they've dated people who other people don't usually find attractive, but they find them attractive, which would mean they still care about looks, they're just not as picky as most.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've noticed the "hotter" someone is the less likely they are to settle.


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

Jason 1 said:


> Hmm... I still somewhat disagree. I think A LOT of facial beauty is controllable as well. Clear skin, for example, can be achieve with the right combination of hygiene products. A lack of wrinkles is often a result of good diet and proper UV protection. Nice teeth are obtained by dilligent dental care and an avoidance (or reduction) of staining substances like coffee, sweets, tobacco, and alcohol.
> 
> You are right, though. Some things are unchangable.  Nonetheless, I think most of us have the potential to be attractive. Not all of us have the potential to be _extremely attractive_, but I do think most have the potential to be _attractive. _


Well i guess if your genetically prone to acne and your teeth grew in crooked, you're screwed then. Those things have nothing to do with hygiene. Oh well.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Doesnt care about looks = More than likely desperate, doesnt think they are attractive, so isnt picky and just wants company.


I would always care about looks, but equally personality. In the past few months I had a date with a smoking hot girl, but her personality wasnt good, and a date with a girl who had a great personality, but I didnt find her very attractive. Both were not for me.

Even if it means im single for the next 10 years I wouldnt get with anyone unless their looks were just as good as their personality


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

In most cases, it's just an exaggerated way of saying that they care less about looks than about other qualities or that most people meet their looks criteria. If they truly didn't care at all it would seem they should be pansexual and not prefer bodies of a particular gender look. And you'll rarely find someone who claims not to care about looks who's sexually attracted to a 1000 lb quadruple amputee severe burn victim, though it does happen.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Because when you stare someone day after day it is same if his head is cute or is there a tomato instead of head staring you back. His snoring, socks around the floor and farting annoys as much no matter of his looks.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I only care about the brainz! Fitting because my nickname in school is The Zombie >


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I don't believe there is anyone out there that doesn't care about looks. People that say that often do so to avoid appearing shallow. I'm always wary of people that say this, because if anyone ever said it to me, it probably just means that they're trying hard to look past my ugliness.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

People who say looks don't matter to them are lying. Women aren't going to go out with every nice guy who asks them out. There must be a reason for that. 

That said, there are a lot of not-so-attractive people who end up with other not-so-attractive people. I find it hard to believe that these people are really that attracted to each other. They're made of flesh and blood like everyone else and probably have the same taste in the opposite sex. It's not like being unattractive makes you attracted to other unattractive people. I'm sure Chris Christie likes the same women that a slimmer guy likes. 

But do these women like Chris Christie? It seems all the attractive women end up with the attractive guys. The attractive ones can be picky.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

Mongoose said:


> People who say looks don't matter to them are lying. Women aren't going to go out with every nice guy who asks them out. There must be a reason for that.


There was a guy who liked me back in he day, he was not at all good looking, but he was a really nice guy. He asked me out a couple of times. I would have dated him if I didn't have so many issues myself. I had much better looking guys who liked me, but they were the more popular, full of themselves types, I would have sooner dated the not so attractive one than the hot, sexy ones if I weren't such a mess.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I care about looks, but apparently I am "too shallow" for it?


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## peacelovemusic (Apr 13, 2012)

they're lying. I don't believe anyone who says they don't care about looks AT ALL. however, I do find people whose personality I like to be better looking


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## CK1708 (Mar 30, 2011)

That's rubbish for personality is more important.

But most people are lying, saying you like someone with a good personality makes you sound great, but really you would rather talk to someone who is hot/sexy


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

Bull****. Of course personality is more important. I for one can say in all honesty that if a guy is handsome but dumb and boring, I'm not interested in him any further. I had that situation a few times in my life so it's nothing I'm saying to sound less shallow. 

Yes, I need to be physically attracted to him but he doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I hear so many contradicting viewpoints from women on the looks thing I can never come to a confident understanding of it. If there was one thing I was "bi-polar" with it'd be the issue of looks. I know what I like physically, and I tend to agree with most men on the same thing, but then I hear like a zillion different responses from women and I'm like "ahhhh". It's one thing when a woman says she find men physically attractive to be appealing to her; it's another when they get into specifics.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Of course looks matter but it's also not all about that either. My ex was/is a great looking guy. But, sadly, he is also a person who cannot be trusted, and has grown into being a quite shallow person. 

Someone you might have thought of as plainer but still has physical attractiveness becomes even more attractive if there is chemistry and you click with them. To me, that means intelligence. And a sense of humor.

Someone you thought was amazingly good looking but is conceited, shallow, not very bright becomes less attractive as you discover those things. 

A person doesn't have to be an Adonis or supermodel to be the right person. Looks matter to everyone to some degree, just seemingly more to some than others. And again, they only go so far.

Of course, I am speaking about more serious relationships. The chemistry thing is far less important when you are only looking for Mr. Right Now.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

I totally care about looks bro, its what i look for 1st. If she has a annoying personality though its kind of a deal breaker.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

As long as I'm attracted to that person, I don't care about 'looks'. There are a lot of conventionally attractive males who I'm not attracted to at all, and several unconventional males that I would just go to town on. A person becomes more physically attractive if his personality is desirable. Case in point, Tyrion Lannister.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

SoWrongItsRight said:


> I don't believe anyone that says they don't care about looks


+ 1


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## BrookeHannigan (Mar 29, 2012)

Im not ugly im not good looking lol people make laugh
Yes uou are ugly,and yes you are good looking plenty of people in this world will think u are ugly or good looking
I actually know people who dont give a **** about looks and they dont look like they have been runover by a bus
I know lit of bitter peopke wont believe this but confidence brings u a lot in wether people wil percieve u as ugly or good looking, a average extremely introverted person is wAaaaaaaaaaaay more disliked than a "Ugly" very extroverted person, if u think good looks determine everything on how people will perceive u,then u are very much in denial


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

When you say "good looking", to some people the image of a celebrity superstar comes to mind. Since some people are modest, they think that they do not need a "good looking" significant other, even though they still want an attractive one.
Furthermore, people couple good personality with good looks. For example, if I was talking about a girl and described her as "sweet, nice, kind, friendly", then you might imagine her as looking like this:








Even though she could look like this:








But since you couple the positive words I use to describe her personality to her looks, you assume that she in fact has good looks, even though there is no evidence that she has them. This is how people can say "I want someone with a good personality and looks don't matter" without feeling they just lied.


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## Kiwifruit (Dec 5, 2012)

The number of average and below average couples in the world speaks for itself. The only studies I've ever seen on satisfaction by attractiveness just talk about how marriages are happier when the woman is more attractive than the man or something. Nothing on how miserable people who married average partners are.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

If you blindfold me, I don't care about looks _at all._


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

"Not caring about looks" can be somewhat vague at times. Keep in mind the number of people that say this which means you could get different meanings and yes, there are probably fibs in there. Not caring about "looks" might refer to not being bothered if a guy doesn't look like Ryan Reynolds. Which is different to a normal looking guy. An average natural Joe might not look so attractive in comparison to Green Lantern over here, but that's no fault of Joe Public. We see aesthetically perfect people in the media and we get some shallow individuals who expect everyday people to look exactly like that. I've heard girls say that guys who don't look like Taylor Lautner shouldn't be bothered with.

I've also heard guys say that a girl isn't worth it if she doesn't have a big rack, butt, tan skin and perfect face. And it doesn't help when people expect themselves to match this irrational stand and berate themselves for supposedly not doing so. Luckily, lots of guys and gals don't expect someone to look like Johnny Depp or Natalie Portman. But that's kind of a mouthful so it can easily be condensed to "Don't care about looks". The nicest person in the world will have trouble finding someone if they don't exercise, go outside or maintain hygeine. And there's kind of something wrong when you don't follow basic habits like that. There's a difference between me saying "I don't expect a girl to have DD gozongas" and "I don't expect a girl to ever shower or shave her armpits". There's a difference between looking like a normal, not-perfect-but-well-kept dude and this. 

Basically, when people say "I don't care about someone's looks" I think some of us might hear it a little too literally.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I'd be one of those people who care more about the personality than looks. Looks obviously are important, if someone is truly "ugly" to me, than I can't be attracted to them. But I've been attracted to people who are average or less than average, because their personality really attracted me and turned me on. I really just don't describe myself as an overly visual person, I mainly run on emotion.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

I'd have to be both physically and emotionally attracted to someone to consider dating them. I've met loads of girls I find physically attractive enough to date, but only a couple where I've been attracted to their personality as well, most people are fine to get on with but completely incompatible with me. Not that it matters anyway, girls aren't interested in me at all so it's not really worth thinking about.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Question*

This topic has always confused me so I'm sorry for semi-derailing the topic (if I am), but, while I agree that physical attraction is important for people, is the physical attraction more subjective or objective in your opinion? This question is for everyone.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> This topic has always confused me so I'm sorry for semi-derailing the topic (if I am), but, while I agree that physical attraction is important for people, is the physical attraction more subjective or objective in your opinion? This question is for everyone.


I would say it's almost entirely objective. There is a tiny bit of subjectivity, but not much.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

I think it's highly subjective. I don't know anyone who is considered beautiful by absolutely everybody. As Ryan Reynolds was mentioned before, I don't find him attractive at all. Most celebrities are quite overrated in my opinion.


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

Don't listen to the hypocrites of the world. They want to use that cliche' to support their bias and jealousy because it makes them look good (on the outside).


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## Things Unsaid (Nov 26, 2012)

bwidger85 said:


> This topic has always confused me so I'm sorry for semi-derailing the topic (if I am), but, while I agree that physical attraction is important for people, is the physical attraction more subjective or objective in your opinion? This question is for everyone.


Things like hygiene and skin that's taken care of are more objective, but since there's an audience for husky, skinny, muscly, hairy, shaved, small breasts, big breasts, porn stars, girls next door, cougars, facial hair, no facial hair, short hair, long hair, brightly colored hair, natural hair, lots of makeup, very little or no makeup, glasses, no glasses, etc, I'd say there's a lot of subjectivity. A few key traits or styles being popular doesn't mean it's objective.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

John316C said:


> Don't listen to the hypocrites of the world. They want to use that cliche' to support their bias and jealousy because it makes them look good (on the outside).


Are you talking about me?


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I definitely care about looks and I'm a bit shallow, perhaps. But a terrible personality is ugly no matter how they look.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> As long as I'm attracted to that person, I don't care about 'looks'. There are a lot of conventionally attractive males who I'm not attracted to at all, and several unconventional males that I would just go to town on. A person becomes more physically attractive if his personality is desirable. Case in point, *Tyrion Lannister.*


My favorite character


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

JohnWalnut said:


> When you say "good looking", to some people the image of a celebrity superstar comes to mind. Since some people are modest, they think that they do not need a "good looking" significant other, even though they still want an attractive one.
> Furthermore, people couple good personality with good looks. For example, if I was talking about a girl and described her as "sweet, nice, kind, friendly", then you might imagine her as looking like this:
> 
> 
> ...


:haha

OMG. I sorry, but I just couldn't stop laughing when I read/saw  your post. I'm going to have nightmares now . No offense, but I would not date the 2nd woman even if she had an amazing personality.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

Jason 1 said:


> Hmm... I still somewhat disagree. I think A LOT of facial beauty is controllable as well. Clear skin, for example, can be achieve with the right combination of hygiene products. A lack of wrinkles is often a result of good diet and proper UV protection. Nice teeth are obtained by dilligent dental care and an avoidance (or reduction) of staining substances like coffee, sweets, tobacco, and alcohol.
> 
> You are right, though. Some things are unchangable. Nonetheless, I think most of us have the potential to be attractive. Not all of us have the potential to be _extremely attractive_, but I do think most have the potential to be _attractive. _


Wow can you come up w/ a combination that will clear my skin because I have been searching for 9 years and have yet to find the right one.

How can anyone be this dumb??


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

Clear skin has nothing to do with hygiene. You can have clear skin, white teeth and so on, but that doesn't necessarily make you beautiful.


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> Wow can you come up w/ a combination that will clear my skin because I have been searching for 9 years and have yet to find the right one.
> 
> How can anyone be this dumb??


I'm not dumb. You're just upset because you haven't found the right combination yet, and personal attacks help you deal with your anger.

I agree that there is a genetic component to acne. That is, certain individual have a genetic predisposition to develop acne; however, this does not mean we are helpless. There are things we can do to mitigate acne, lessen blemishes, and improve overall skin health.

Hang in there, you will find something eventually. It took me a long time too... and even now, my skin is not flawless.

Perhaps, the ultimate solution is something like Accutane. I never used this, however, because the benefits of flawless skin were not worth the risk.... and I only had mild acne.

What I use right now is Nubian Heritage Lemongrass & Tea Tree Bar Soap. You can get it at Amazon as well as other online stores. Other helpful things are limiting or avoiding cows milk and using non-irritating moisturizers.

 Good luck


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> My favorite character


You, sir, are my favorite.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

Man this thread makes me realize I'm screwed lol


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## LuxAeterna (Aug 13, 2010)

Oh, I absolutely care about looks. Very much so.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

LuxAeterna said:


> Oh, I absolutely care about looks. Very much so.


Do not date an ugly guy. He will be what will bring you down. I tell all girls this. Ugly guys are the worst kind for you to date.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

Because they're full of it.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

This thread ruined any shade of hope I had.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Everybody lies.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Depends on the person. Some people know looks are temporary. if you're looking for long term, by the time most people are 40, they're not going to be winning any beauty contests anyway. Most people who understand this would rather find someone they're going to be compatible with when their looks are history.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

Shinichi said:


> I think it's highly subjective. I don't know anyone who is considered beautiful by absolutely everybody. As Ryan Reynolds was mentioned before, I don't find him attractive at all. Most celebrities are quite overrated in my opinion.


ryan reynolds was a guest on top gear (a popular car programme her in the uk) and the female audiances reactions made me feel sick with envy. They were swooning almost and it was is if god himself was in front of them. Not only is he good looking but he has a great personality and sense of humour....i hate him because i wish i was him. Then again even ugly male celebrities get lots of female attention because of theoir status.


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## mrmac (Dec 10, 2012)

When it comes to looks, I'm not judgmental when it comes to race, but she needs to be healthy and have good hygiene. I like exploring and traveling for example, so I couldn't be with an overweight woman. 

Hell I'm actually trying to gain more male friends and am completely disinterested in overweight guys. My only good friend is overweight and there are quite a few things I'd love to be able to do but we can't. Go-karts, paintballing, we are huge sports fans and can't even simply throw around a football or shoot hoops, etc. Health should be important imo.


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