# Long Lasting Confidence



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Most long lasting confidence comes from experience and also the way you view the world. So we will start off with that first: how you view the world and you thoughts. Simple.

There isn't too much to know about the difference between a negative and a positive person. These are just views mostly. In the great scheme of things, you ultimately control your happiness via your brain and how you think. A negative person will typical focus on the negative with little or no positive internal feedback to generate hope or forbearance for the future. On the other hand, a positive person focuses on the positives. Yet, most people tend to label themselves to an extreme left or right of the spectrum concluding that they are either or or the other and nothing in between, but there is danger to think in such black and white terms with life. A person can say they are negative but the world may view them as a positive and uplifting individual, or another person can say they are positive but reflect negativity. A better, even more realistic approach to this extreme polarization is the idea of accepting that people cannot just be negative or just be positive but rather both. Obviously, humans are complex and so this is true. I say this because if your confine your essence by such a small margin you are likely to react and envision your life by only those positive/negative terms, but envision yourself a "human" and you'll notice that your really both personalties in one. This is important to know because subconsciously it sets your self-image to be more accepting and realistic to handle esteem changes. Simple. Stop saying your either one or the other because it isn't possible! this alone will help your confidence in the long run.

The same principle of no labeling yourself to a certain extreme works in all ares of your life. It is very powerful! For instance, in your mind you determine your actions on how you think your going to respond--the predominately "negative" thinking individual will assume he/she is not capable of something due to their lack of experience or feelings on the subject. However, if you stay realistic and stop polarizing your personalities you will accept that you are human and because of that you are made to be interchangeable; you can adapt with little or even no experience, or even with a negative mind state. For the social incompetent, a feeling of inferiority overwhelms the brain because they are always polarizing their personalties, saying they "can't" because of this or that reason. In truth, and once again, to be realistic, you CAN because your adaptable. If you weren't adaptable there is no way you'd be alive today because that would mean your parents weren't and so on up through the biological gene pool ultimately determining the human species' survival. In other words, it is in our DNA to be adaptable. Never say you can't because you are made to adapt. Everything is. Knowing this will also benefit towards your confidence and esteem.

So, with these ideas in mind, you can carry it into the rest of your life. You can stop saying "I can't" when in reality you can. Feelings are just feelings but it is your decision to act occordandly that makes the difference. It is your actions that speak for you. So when you feel social awkward in any instance just remind yourself that you can and the changes are easy. If you can communicate online than you can also communicate in person. The communication online also takes into account other's feelings and uses the same stradigies for human niteractions that real life does, so to say you can't is an excuse for taking action. The moment you had your first interaction was the moment you learned how to communicate, and I'm gyuess that was YEARS ago. The only thing holding you back is your mind. You've been ready since that day. Stop doubting yourself. Understanding this will also benefit to your confidence because you can now internalize inferiority _feelings_ as just that--feelings. The feelings you have has probably little more than a marginal low percentage (say, 5%) chance of having any impact whatsoever on anything interactively speaking. So in other words, whether you feel pessimistic or optimistic about something, the outcome if taken action, no matter what feeling you have, will tend to be the same. There is a false believe that how you feel will determine an outcome if you take action. That is not true. Other factors are more likely to weigh in related to other outside sources. I hope you understand what I'm saying because it is true.

People ask all the time why positive thoughts, or even better, "realistic" thoughts change a person's confidence and life: simple, they don't bind you to extremes and subconsciously they allow you to say you can no matter how you feel. Ultimately, that is the truth. What you think of a confident person doesn't mean they are not confident at times. Stop being so extreme in your thoughts. Most people are interchangeable with their mental health on a consistent basis. If they weren't then they would more than likely be too extreme in on aspect or the other and their survival skills would suffer. For instance, confidence can be arrogance, which can get you into big trouble. Also, low esteem can lead to passivity, which can also cause problems. True confidence doesn't come from being perfect, it comes from understanding that your not defined by polar self-labels, and that you can achieve any outcome regardless of how you feel about the situation.

Simple. There is your answer for long lasting self-confidence. It is a philosophy that can endure a lifetime. Sometimes we just need to understand the basics to incorporate this state into our lives.


----------



## pehrj (Feb 12, 2009)

Fantastic post, bwidger85. Long lasting, unconditional confidence is something I strive for in my own life.


----------



## josephisaverb (Mar 8, 2011)

Nice post. I'll just add that being positive is a path and a posture, not a destination. It sounds like it's a platitude, but it's the truth. Wisdom is found in the simplest things and all that.

Negativity is alluring -- it's dark, it has corners to squirrel away your lost hopes and dreams, to hide from others where it hurts and where we are vulnerable. Cynicism seems so much sexier. And when it's dark, positivity seems so glib, full of gaudy maxims and empty smiles.

But you know what? Positivity works. Deciding that you just aren't going to suffer through your own negative commentary on your own life makes a difference. It won't make you happy all the time -- as OP says, it's impossible to be always happy -- but it will shift your sense of normal so that the times of stress, the times of sadness, the times of tedium become like clouds blowing through the sky. 

Live the life you love, love the life you live.


----------



## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I think that confidence comes from recognizing your barriers from potential. Once you can look at a barrier face on and say "I do not like it, and I know there is something on the other side of it" you can start to search your way through it. It won't be overnight, but if you stay determined about that barrier, one day you will find yourself burrowed halfway through it, and you can feel it. Then another day you will realize you are living the potential on the other side. Maybe when you hit that potential you will find another barrier, but this one is much easier to handle, and so on.

When you are not confident, or you are stuck in the cycle of negativity, you will be always caught on barriers, saying "I am always stuck, and this is always in the way, and there's nothing I can do about it except try to keep it away", but of course it never stays away long, because you know in your heart you belong on the other side, moving forward. And this too becomes a barrier, wondering why you know you belong somewhere better when you are stuck here. You have to let that thought go, and start digging a little. Always face up to the challenge, otherwise your frustration over your potential will get too much. 

It's inevitable that big change is going to happen in your life. It's better to experience it constantly and face the hard barriers day by day, than to wait around in front of a single one until the day you die. That is a barrier you'll be forced to cross. But it will be better if you have crossed a number of them successfully and with determination, even initiating the challenges. Once you start initiating your own barrier crossings you know your thinking positively. 

So even with positivity you are always facing the unknown or the scary, you're just facing it with a different attitude. It doesn't take away from the mystery at all, it makes the mystery even more inviting and alluring! It actually makes it a mission. Exploring mystery. 

The more fearful you find yourself to be, the more mystery you have the potential to explore. Consider yourself lucky.


----------



## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Thanks for the post. I now realised my problem.. I'm always one or the other.. need to accept I am human, diverse and both positive and negative.. perfection is impossible.


----------



## HippieMagic (Mar 28, 2011)

I'm striving to be *AWESOME*
through *A*ttitude *A*wareness *Authenticity*
You are very helpful with the advice on Attitude, or mindset. 
(which of course is the hardest of the 3, for the rest falls in line. Our mindsets are our greatest obstacle to an enlightened state of a happier being)
Great advice, thank you ^>^

Our attitudes reflect what we're aware of, and authenticity reflects how we'll react.
For example with a positive attitude we'll be more aware of the good things. This is good, however we'll miss the things that need more work. And with a negative attitude we'll see mostly the bad. This is good in that we'll see what we need to work on, but too bad we'll feel overwhelmed and like scum. And for this reason I suggest going the realistic route and see it all without any positive or negative connotation, but just simply as strengths and weaknesses. Use our strengths to help hoist up our weaknesses and display them proud. Pick one weakness at a time, I'd pick one that would help conquer other areas of weakness. For instance: Phone Sex. HA just kidding.. just general communication for me. I'm pretty sure I took that "Think before you speak" saying a little too hardcore. But by this point it's not even being able to concentrate on options of what to say: it's just that crippling, paralyzing anxiety.

Hope is as real as Doubt is as real as raped mermaids, but still it's the amount we do that determines are expectations or lack thereof

Link to *AWESOME* video lol
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html


----------



## Jack222 (Jan 11, 2011)

Resources- Methods of working through Survival and doubts:

This is an insecurity that does not entirely involve social cues, but do not mistake this as negative thinking, it's merely an attempt to eliminate additional problems for well-being.

Does money or employment strike anyone as an obstacle? Employment more so, it's not exactly a controllable variable, saying "Can" is easy, but is it realistic? If you repeatedly tell someone they are going to succeed, does that mean they will? 

Of course, most would agree that continuing the search is the right thing to do, but is it the ONLY way? Does it require more social connections to advise, or provide access to available employment?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

josephisaverb said:


> Nice post. I'll just add that being positive is a path and a posture, not a destination. It sounds like it's a platitude, but it's the truth. Wisdom is found in the simplest things and all that.
> 
> Negativity is alluring -- it's dark, it has corners to squirrel away your lost hopes and dreams, to hide from others where it hurts and where we are vulnerable. Cynicism seems so much sexier. And when it's dark, positivity seems so glib, full of gaudy maxims and empty smiles.
> 
> ...


I find your post to be pretty poetic. You also bring up a good point: negativity is alluring. It is! It can also be beneficial! It is magnetic and focused and can create energy/motivation or also dispel it. I'm a believer that the things we feel are there to _HELP_ us survive. So it is interesting to me how you bring up negativity because even those feelings are there to possibly better help us survive! Interesting!


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

caithiggs said:


> I think that confidence comes from recognizing your barriers from potential. Once you can look at a barrier face on and say "I do not like it, and I know there is something on the other side of it" you can start to search your way through it. It won't be overnight, but if you stay determined about that barrier, one day you will find yourself burrowed halfway through it, and you can feel it. Then another day you will realize you are living the potential on the other side. Maybe when you hit that potential you will find another barrier, but this one is much easier to handle, and so on.
> 
> When you are not confident, or you are stuck in the cycle of negativity, you will be always caught on barriers, saying "I am always stuck, and this is always in the way, and there's nothing I can do about it except try to keep it away", but of course it never stays away long, because you know in your heart you belong on the other side, moving forward. And this too becomes a barrier, wondering why you know you belong somewhere better when you are stuck here. You have to let that thought go, and start digging a little. Always face up to the challenge, otherwise your frustration over your potential will get too much.
> 
> ...


Wow, great post! Adventurous are our barriers!

I'd also like to point out that sometimes while we see these barriers we do not know of what it takes to go around them, like you've mentioned; however, the journey also instills confidence and also helps you realize whether or not it is even achievable, because sometimes they are not. To think you can achieve everything is a frustrating approach to life and will cause a lot of setbacks. Sometimes we don't know what it will take to overcome, but once we start trying we see all the dimensions of our barrier in front of us and that helps us better to be contempt with our progress. Being contempt with not achieving the very difficult is also very satisfying. Hope that makes some sense. You can't overcome every barrier! Some are just made to be that way! To think you can overcome an impossible barrier is frustrating, but to realize the impossible is liberating! Great point!


----------



## jagmusic (Oct 18, 2010)

Lack of confidence usually goes hand in hand with self-pity too.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

jagmusic said:


> Lack of confidence usually goes hand in hand with self-pity too.


Hm, I think I know what you mean...can you explain?


----------



## Aldous (Mar 30, 2011)

very inspiring post. Once your mentality changes, life starts getting better and room will be made for confidence to seep in and do its magic to make both yourself and others feel good


----------



## Buriteri (Mar 21, 2011)

Love this post:! something i need to start reading every morning after i wake up =) 
thankyou.


----------

