# Any 30+ year old shut-ins?



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

I asked the same question on the main forum but I guess I truly relate better to those my own age so I'm re-asking the question here. Anyone here been a shut-in for long periods of their life? Months or more? Going on 4+ months here now and in total I'd say I've spent 2+ years in the past as a shut-in with my parents. I feel terribly guilty about the situation, I've been a parasite off my parents. But I've also been semi suicidally depressed for much of that time to, so I'm not sure how much of a choice I've had. I'm sort of looking for a job right now but it's tough.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

Yup, a fellow shut-in.


----------



## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

I've been kind of a shut in for the last 6 months. I live by myself so I have to go to the store and stuff like that to get food and take care of various responsibilities. I think this is the longest I've ever gone spending so much time alone. In some ways I like it, and in some ways I am concerned it's harmful to me.


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

housebunny said:


> I've been kind of a shut in for the last 6 months. I live by myself so I have to go to the store and stuff like that to get food and take care of various responsibilities. I think this is the longest I've ever gone spending so much time alone. In some ways I like it, and in some ways I am concerned it's harmful to me.


Do you have a job or are going to school? If so I would't label that as being a shut-in, more social isolation. If not, then welcome to the club


----------



## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

Yes, I probably still qualify as a shut-in, unfortunately. Not quite 30+, but getting close now, haha.

At the moment, I go outside twice a week. Once to go shopping and once to go to a tennis club. That's probably still a rather extreme case, but it feels like a big improvement, because at one point I was never leaving the house. I still live with my parents too. When I've been at my lowest point, they just provided everything for me.

Feeling guilty just keeps you stuck, I think. You think: "oh god, even if I did try to re-enter normal life, how could I explain my past to people?" etc, etc. What's helped me is trying to get rid of that shame. It's not all my fault. Mental illness is a serious problem, and I've been very seriously ill, at times.

I know some people will have the opposite opinion, which is that you need to be ashamed so that you can change. Perhaps it works differently, for different people. I just find that it helps a lot if you can start thinking that, yeah, it's genuinely sad when your life turns out this way... but it's not shameful. Someone with paralysis isn't shamed for being unable to walk. We don't need to be ashamed about our genuine medical condition, which just happens to be a problem with our brains.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm 29 years and 8 months old...do I count? 

I'm not a complete shut-in, but...95% of my life is spent inside my apartment, that I pay for with disability support from the Ontario government.

2-3 Sunday's every month, I'll visit my parents house for dinner and to do laundry. 
Once or twice a week, I'll walk a kilometre to the grocery store, almost always in the morning as soon as it opens, so as to avoid the busy hours.

Other than that, I'm either asleep or in my chair on the computer. Been this way for 6-7 years now.


----------



## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

I have been in the past, i've gone months without venturing outside.this was when I didn't know about how to get help for my social anxiety, my father was working and i'd just stay indoors. these days I need to go out regularly to the doctors, and I also do the odd thing like helping other people and buying groceries. I sometimes get a feeling that I just want to disappear from the world and shut myself away from it for months, but currently i'm not feeling like this.


----------



## RockmanJL9981 (Aug 23, 2012)

im 32 and id say over the past 2 years ive spent 90% in my apartment


----------



## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I've been a shut-in since forever. Less so when i was living with my sister because i often took the kids to school and out for walks at the park and such.

But I'll be a shut-in again when i get my own place in January.


----------



## DonnaDunno (Nov 15, 2013)

I'm basically a shut in, I only leave the house to walk my dogs, get groceries, go to eat(alone of course) and maybe once every two weeks or so I go shopping for a couple hours(awkwardly) alone. I've been moving more towards online shopping and making dinner at home or ordering take out so my recluse status is almost complete.


----------



## DonnaDunno (Nov 15, 2013)

OMG. You are like the male version of me(assuming you are actually male)...if you ever make it to the US we could play tennis once a month or so when I'm feeling social. I don't play much anymore because I don't have any friends now and the thought of playing on a public court where people could scrutinize me is overwhelming but I'm sure we could work something out.



tennislover84 said:


> Yes, I probably still qualify as a shut-in, unfortunately. Not quite 30+, but getting close now, haha.
> 
> At the moment, I go outside twice a week. Once to go shopping and once to go to a tennis club. That's probably still a rather extreme case, but it feels like a big improvement, because at one point I was never leaving the house. I still live with my parents too. When I've been at my lowest point, they just provided everything for me.
> 
> ...


----------



## I Love Chimps (Jun 19, 2012)

I spent the last decade living with my parents and not leaving the house for months at a time. After enough therapy and drugs I started to get my own groceries, and last month I moved out of my parents house, although I am still a total shut in. So I guess progress can still be made in the right direction, even after years of isolation.


----------



## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

It's a desolate and humiliating situation. I'm a "shut-in" too. I stay in my apartment pretty much all day and night. The last half year I went to an accounting class and could only do but act like I was "functioning" somehow somewhere. I went every day and even got an A. My unconscious mind was still working well enough to cram for tests and do the exercises. (after being years in it tech support and a bachelors in computer science over a decade ago, of course I wasn't going to let the class devolve to a C, but at the same time I spent way too much of my time on the class like I had nothing else to do in my life each day; felt like a loser every day) Of course I got accusing or wierd stare-backs if I looked around the room. Or mocking looks or comments by the young girl closest to me in the classroom. 

What a farce. Even the teacher kind of sensed something was really wrong about me. But kept it all in a friendly way. Eventually they all have to mock me. What else can they do?

It's terrible. And I've already signed up for more classes next semester. They all know I have nothing in common and I don't talk to anybody except out of necessity in the class. It feels like at any moment the "mob" of students are going to gang up on me and either beat me up or do the equivalent of tarring and feathering me verbally.


----------



## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

tennislover84 said:


> Feeling guilty just keeps you stuck, I think. You think: "oh god, even if I did try to re-enter normal life, how could I explain my past to people?" etc, etc. What's helped me is trying to get rid of that shame. It's not all my fault. Mental illness is a serious problem, and I've been very seriously ill, at times.
> 
> I know some people will have the opposite opinion, which is that you need to be ashamed so that you can change. Perhaps it works differently, for different people. I just find that it helps a lot if you can start thinking that, yeah, it's genuinely sad when your life turns out this way... but it's not shameful. Someone with paralysis isn't shamed for being unable to walk. We don't need to be ashamed about our genuine medical condition, which just happens to be a problem with our brains.


Great thoughts. I wish I could excuse my years of being "shut-in" ; But I have a brother who will always blame me for being irresponsible. Almost broke my neck over it. He was rude to me and got me so mad enough and provoked me and got me into a full nelson and did it until my neck literally cracked and I screamed in fear and pain. (nowadays more than a decade later with 50 or so lbs more muscle (after being in a gym doing weights for 4 years; I did it at late night to avoid the usual intimidating tuf-guy stares and clique chatting and useless time wasting with guys always bugging or trying to chat up the hot chicks who worked as staff at the front desk-"bar" when the gym is crowded) I could literally break his fingers in the nelson escape or gouge his eyeballs out or do a judo throw which I was stupid I could have done it then. I was good enough at it having learned as little kid). It will never go away. My brother kept making me feel everything I did was forever tainted even when I worked seven years at my last job (eventually becoming a dept. "manager" (due to my older coworkers unfairly laid off because of their higher salaries - so I had to eventually triple for all of them gone) but actually in name only) before we were all laid off due to the company closing. The best I can do is try to hide it or say I had long bouts of unemployment. Currently back in a shut-in mode with an inconsequential part time job ( a few hours ) on the weekends and being a community college bum. And most of my relatives (mostly cousins closer to my age. My uncles and aunts are better with it because one of my uncles had always been a shut-in all his 60+ years of life and another uncle was vagabond living off his gf or gf's or something) feel like I just wasted my life.


----------



## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

tennislover84 said:


> Feeling guilty just keeps you stuck, I think. You think: "oh god, even if I did try to re-enter normal life, how could I explain my past to people?" etc, etc. What's helped me is trying to get rid of that shame. It's not all my fault. Mental illness is a serious problem, and I've been very seriously ill, at times.
> 
> I know some people will have the opposite opinion, which is that you need to be ashamed so that you can change. Perhaps it works differently, for different people. I just find that it helps a lot if you can start thinking that, yeah, it's genuinely sad when your life turns out this way... but it's not shameful. Someone with paralysis isn't shamed for being unable to walk. We don't need to be ashamed about our genuine medical condition, which just happens to be a problem with our brains.


Wow, awesome post. Cool to see someone with same philosophy as me on the situation. That line of thought has helped me a lot over the years. I still blame myself and feel like a loser sometimes, but I try to realize what a difficult problem I was up against. I also try not to compare myself with others because it's not a fair comparison (they didn't have the same struggles w/SA).


----------



## owls (Oct 23, 2010)

not 30 yet but getting there. being shut in is horrible!!!


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

Just wanted to thank you all for replying!!! Can't tell you how comforting it feels to know there are other 30 something's in a similar situation.

Doesn't completely eliminate the guilt but it goes a long ways towards feeling like less of a freak 

And to all of you who posted in here. Hugs :hug Together we can get through this!!

The road ahead looks long and painful to me but knowing there are others on the same path gives me courage.


----------



## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

DonnaDunno said:


> OMG. You are like the male version of me(assuming you are actually male)...if you ever make it to the US we could play tennis once a month or so when I'm feeling social. I don't play much anymore because I don't have any friends now and the thought of playing on a public court where people could scrutinize me is overwhelming but I'm sure we could work something out.


I wish we could play tennis. That's the big problem I have, because I've got a private teacher, but still not a member of a club. It seems like most people would join their local tennis club with their friends? I don't have any friends, and I've got no idea how to go about finding someone to play with. Oh and yes I am male, haha. :b



I Love Chimps said:


> I spent the last decade living with my parents and not leaving the house for months at a time. After enough therapy and drugs I started to get my own groceries, and last month I moved out of my parents house, although I am still a total shut in. So I guess progress can still be made in the right direction, even after years of isolation.


:clap<--- Hope that smiley doesn't come across as patronising, lol, but that's awesome. I'm still living with parents, so I'm always really impressed with fellow shut-ins who have managed to leave home. I think exposure can work for anyone, eventually. It just takes time and it's not easy, especially if you've got other mental health issues, on top of the anxiety. I don't want to seem like I'm saying people who aren't making progress aren't trying hard enough, because everyone has a different situation with different obstacles. But I think there's always hope. 

ils25r, I think you're doing really well, considering the way your brother treated you. The stuff about the full-nelson really made me cringe, because I know what that feels like. :| You've got a part-time job and you're going to a college. The weekly tennis lesson is the only thing I do. Honestly, I hope that one day I might be able to cope with doing as much as you're doing. Success is just a matter of who you compare yourself to. It helps so much, to allow ourselves to feel good about things based on how hard they were for *us*, instead of other people, like lyssado707 said.



Locut0s said:


> And to all of you who posted in here. Hugs :hug Together we can get through this!!
> 
> The road ahead looks long and painful to me but knowing there are others on the same path gives me courage.


:yes


----------



## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

tennislover84 said:


> I wish we could play tennis. That's the big problem I have, because I've got a private teacher, but still not a member of a club. It seems like most people would join their local tennis club with their friends? I don't have any friends, and I've got no idea how to go about finding someone to play with.


Online classifieds sites? Usually there is a sports partners section. That's how I found my hitting partner. Good luck!


----------



## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

changeme77 said:


> Online classifieds sites? Usually there is a sports partners section. That's how I found my hitting partner. Good luck!


Oh yeah! I forgot those existed.  I'm probably too scared to do that, but you never know. Thanks.


----------



## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

tennislover84 said:


> Oh yeah! I forgot those existed.  I'm probably too scared to do that, but you never know. Thanks.


Why? You love playing tennis, right? If they've created an ad looking for a hitting partner, obviously they love playing tennis as well. It's not like other social situations where things can potentially become awkward.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

tennislover84 said:


> . Success is just a matter of who you compare yourself to.


This is so true. You have a great way of expressing yourself, I'm envious of you. 

Edit: I'm not really a shut in - but I often compare myself to other people I know that have a great deal more than I do and have done a lot more with their lives. What you say is true - it's silly to compare ourselves to other people that don't have our issues - we all just do the best we can in our own circumstances.


----------



## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

Off and on, depending on my depression. When I feel like crap, I don't want to see anyone. However, a few weeks ago, I started to get out more. I still spend a lot of time by myself, but I am used to it.
I get up in the morning, fix myself some coffee, watch the news, then I take my laptop, get in my car, and go to the library. When the library closes, I take my laptop to McDonald's. On Saturdays and Sundays, I will go home for a few hours to watch football, or a movie.


----------



## slowzombie (Dec 22, 2013)

Depends on how one defines shut-in I reckon. I have lived completely alone for close to twenty years and only leave my property about once a month to run a few simple errands. So I _can_ go out when I must, but dread it like a snake.

Regards


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

slowzombie said:


> Depends on how one defines shut-in I reckon. I have lived completely alone for close to twenty years and only leave my property about once a month to run a few simple errands. So I _can_ go out when I must, but dread it like a snake.
> 
> Regards


No I'd say that does count.  Hope things improve for you. Hugs.


----------



## purechaos (Dec 18, 2013)

If I could work from home I would never leave the house! I only go to work, my best friends house, and I basically only walk into 2 gas stations. Recently ive been getting on my nerves with this though. I want to go to the store now for things instead of always ,ordering online and waiting for the shipment, but I can't get myself to do it. Maybe tomorrow I always say, lol.


----------



## kilgoretrout (Jul 20, 2011)

Not currently but I've been a shut-in during different periods of my life... 6 years, 6 months, 2 years. First bout was the worst.


----------



## fineline (Oct 21, 2011)

im just 28 now, but im fairly certain i will be one of the 30+ shut-ins, if my past is any indicator. 

so i shall include myself in this category 2 years in advance.


----------



## MU11579 (Dec 25, 2013)

I wouldn't define myself as a shut in. Just socially isolated with limited options for social interaction.

I was home schooled, and had few social outlets growing up, none regular. Also, my family moved seven times while I was growing up, so I lost any friends I made. I currently live with a 70+ year old family member, who is an ultra-conservative, and doesn't enjoy company, or noise, or anything I consider fun. I'm dying here man!

I work in an office where I have to leave my desk, and therefore my duties, to engage others socially. Being a workaholic means that I do not do so. 

So I mostly just spend my time alone.


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. It's comforting to know there are others like me at my age out there. Are you on disability or do you work at home? I've been trying to psych myself up to look for a job but the depression makes it so difficult!



tennislover84 said:


> Yes, I probably still qualify as a shut-in, unfortunately. Not quite 30+, but getting close now, haha.
> 
> At the moment, I go outside twice a week. Once to go shopping and once to go to a tennis club. That's probably still a rather extreme case, but it feels like a big improvement, because at one point I was never leaving the house. I still live with my parents too. When I've been at my lowest point, they just provided everything for me.
> 
> ...


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

the cheat said:


> I'm 29 years and 8 months old...do I count?
> 
> I'm not a complete shut-in, but...95% of my life is spent inside my apartment, that I pay for with disability support from the Ontario government.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the reply. Good to know there are others out there


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

renegade disaster said:


> I have been in the past, i've gone months without venturing outside.this was when I didn't know about how to get help for my social anxiety, my father was working and i'd just stay indoors. these days I need to go out regularly to the doctors, and I also do the odd thing like helping other people and buying groceries. I sometimes get a feeling that I just want to disappear from the world and shut myself away from it for months, but currently i'm not feeling like this.


Good to hear you have made progress! Gives me some hope.


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

Double post oops


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

RockmanJL9981 said:


> im 32 and id say over the past 2 years ive spent 90% in my apartment


Hugs. I know what it's like.

Say are you a mega man fan? I ask cause of the rockman username. Or does that refer to rock and roll?


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

I Love Chimps said:


> I spent the last decade living with my parents and not leaving the house for months at a time. After enough therapy and drugs I started to get my own groceries, and last month I moved out of my parents house, although I am still a total shut in. So I guess progress can still be made in the right direction, even after years of isolation.


Thanks. You give me hope. This is exactly the route I'm planning on taking.


----------



## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

Locut0s said:


> Good to hear you have made progress! Gives me some hope.


I think for me it was made easier when you have some sort of routine that involves getting outside. I wanted to get my own pet dog, in some ways I think that might help too because i'd have to get out everyday to walk it. keeping in contact with doctors and therapists helped as it gives you something that you have to do. when there is no onus on me to actually get out it becomes much easier to shut myself away. i'm not too keen on strict obligations and being bound to them in too much of a tight routine, but if I can give myself some flexibility over getting out and about it becomes easier for me to do this.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm not sure what you'd count as a "shut-in." I live with my parents and always have; I graduated community college in 1997 and since then it's been them and me only. I _can_ get out of the house--I mean, I'm able to, anxiety doesn't stop me--but it's the lack of transportation (I can't drive), friends (none IRL since the Nineties), and places to go (no social hotspots around here) that keeps me inside most of the time. I'm also unable to work. I tried therapy, but it didn't help me and they gave up on me last year.

I go out grocery shopping and to eat at a restaurant once a week with my mother (she drives me), and once in a great while we go on a shopping/dinner outing elsewhere; and I have occasional doctor visits; and once a year I go walk around in the woods on a nearby island (haven't for the past two years due to health issues though)...but aside from that and occasional walks down the road (which I also haven't done in quite a while), I have nowhere to go, no way to get anywhere, and nobody to do anything with. :/ Plus my parents don't like taking me places or going anywhere if they don't have to. (Well, my mother likes going to places she's interested in, not so much places I'm interested in.) So I'm kind of stuck here.

It isn't _terribly_ bad aside from the loneliness (I have nobody to relate to/socialize with :sigh ) and the fact that once my parents are gone, I will be too.


----------



## NicoShy (Jun 11, 2009)

tehuti88 said:


> It isn't _terribly_ bad aside from the loneliness (I have nobody to relate to/socialize with :sigh ) and the fact that once my parents are gone, *I will be too*.


What do you mean by this


----------



## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

Locut0s said:


> Thanks for the reply. It's comforting to know there are others like me at my age out there. Are you on disability or do you work at home? I've been trying to psych myself up to look for a job but the depression makes it so difficult!


Yes, I'm on benefits.  I hope that you manage to look for a job. I've never had a "real job", but since I've had mental health problems, my mood and self-esteem have been highest when I've done some voluntary work. I know that's nowhere near as frightening as going for job interviews, but as long as you weren't with people you really hated, maybe just being around people would help with your depression. It helped me a lot to feel part of a group again. I wish I'd never quit going to it, because perhaps I'd have been able to do paid work, in time.



renegade disaster said:


> I think for me it was made easier when you have some sort of routine that involves getting outside. I wanted to get my own pet dog, in some ways I think that might help too because i'd have to get out everyday to walk it. keeping in contact with doctors and therapists helped as it gives you something that you have to do.


Yes, this is very true in my experience also. :yes


----------



## Quatermass (Oct 6, 2013)

Since I live by myself I have to get out at least a couple of times a week just to get food, so even when I was in my most reclusive state I still had to leave my apartment every now and then. But I did it only when I had to. 

Nowadays I go outside most of the days, wheter I have to or not. I don't go to meet anyone in particular, and I never talk to anyone, but I just go out to see some people. The reason is that I feel a certain need to be around people and I get more anxious by being alone for too long than by being around others. Also, I've realized that it's important to hold on to whatever you have in tems of social courrage. It makes things a little easier later, when you try to make bigger changes in your life. 

So I guess I don't quite qualify as a shut-in right now. There was a time in my early twenties though, when I was still living with my parents. We lived out in the country and I'm pretty sure that for a period of several months, I didn't leave the house once. But I was young then and didn't really mind that much. I was bored of course, but I figured I had time to sort things out. I haven't gotten terribly far since then, to be honest...


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

Sorry to resurrect an older thread but I have a question for you guys who have lived with your parents for a long time, or still do.

Do you feel that your family are simultaneously both the only reason you are alive AND a primary contributor to your problems? My parents have been supportive and allowed me to live like this for too long, I don't know what I'd do otherwise. But I've also come to realize that my relationship with them isn't the healthiest either. I have issues with feeling abandoned and emotionally neglected by both of my parents. Some of this is much more my own fault than theirs, but they certainly play a part in it. We are in many ways too close. It's not healthy to spend so much time so close to your parents as you fail to develop your own stable personality. I tend to lean on my parents as a crutch and defer things to them FAR to much. I will never look at my own feeling and needs and instead just say "you decide stuff for me". As a result I think a lot of the time I don't even know what I want or need. I've spent so much time leaving decisions to be made by others that I don't know how to make them for myself.

Can anyone else here relate to this?


----------



## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

^
Have you tried running away from home?


----------



## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Hearing all these sad shut-in stories. I'm pretty much a shut-in too even if I'm away from my parent's home. 

I wish there was some benefactor corporation or rich billionaire who had a work program for severe SA people. Even some kind of online work. Probably would cost too much and too many problems as well as being controversial like some socialist project.


----------



## Mr Unknown (Jan 18, 2014)

I feel like a shut-in when i start comparing myself with others around me. Everyone else appears to have so much going on in their lives and i feel as though it's just me who struggles to get out. 

I try to go out most days, i rarely stay in for more than two days in a row because otherwise my depression worsens and it just becomes even harder to get out the front door. Mostly i spend my time at a support group and i also volunteer two days a week. If i didn't have those activities then i doubt i would have much or any social interaction. 

There is so much i want to do but my ever present social anxiety i more often than not avoid things because i always think the worst. I fight with myself everyday because i can't accept my anxiety, i just want it to go away. I know everyone suffers with it to some extent but i feel like a hopeless case.

At least i know if i keep trying i won't be beating myself up for having given up.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

I wish I was a shut in! I work full time, attend evening classes and volunteer at a local hospice shop on Saturdays. 

I remember staying at my dad's place a couple of years ago - I had a part of the house to myself and whilst lying there in bed I remember thinking that if I could just close the door off to the rest of the world and live there in solitude I would. I've seen more than enough and tbh I'm tired of the world and its relentless BS. If I had the opportunity I would never leave the house again. Sadly, I have bills to pay...


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

chefdave said:


> I wish I was a shut in! I work full time, attend evening classes and volunteer at a local hospice shop on Saturdays.
> 
> I remember staying at my dad's place a couple of years ago - I had a part of the house to myself and whilst lying there in bed I remember thinking that if I could just close the door off to the rest of the world and live there in solitude I would. I've seen more than enough and tbh I'm tired of the world and its relentless BS. If I had the opportunity I would never leave the house again. Sadly, I have bills to pay...


Be glad for where you are. This side may seem nice but the grass is always greener on the other side. Trust me you don't want this life!


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

riderless said:


> ^
> Have you tried running away from home?


No. If I could have ran away and started a life somewhere I really wouldn't have the problems I do. My depression, dependency, and anxiety are what have kept me here.


----------



## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

Yes at the moment I don't really go anywhere. Don't really have any friends so I don't really see a purpose about going anywhere in town. The only time I ever leave the house if I'm going to see my doctors, seeing my therapist and going to the movies every so often which I rarely get to do. Than I occasionally go shopping with my mother; I rather not see many people cause they'll see right through me to the core and know how shy I am and how fragile I am. It's so hard for me to trust certain people now cause I was emotionally and verbally abused by my ex boyfriend. He still lives in my area and I'm afraid I might bump into him.... which I want to try to avoid. Pretty much living in fear now cause of him which I hate, when I'm at home though I feel safe and I know he won't be stupid enough to try to stop by and see how I'm doing.


----------



## no signal (Jan 19, 2014)

The last year and a half has been rough. I have lost two jobs and my relationships with everyone has suffered. I've spent a lot of time shut in my house borrowing money from my family (parents) to make ends meet. Only last month did I start back on the right track and begin to handle my problems. I feel terrible dumping that load on other people. All I can do is pick myself back up and pay them back. I had a good job interview a couple weeks ago. Things are moving so slow


----------



## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

chefdave said:


> I wish I was a shut in! I work full time, attend evening classes and volunteer at a local hospice shop on Saturdays.
> 
> I remember staying at my dad's place a couple of years ago - I had a part of the house to myself and whilst lying there in bed I remember thinking that if I could just close the door off to the rest of the world and live there in solitude I would. I've seen more than enough and tbh I'm tired of the world and its relentless BS. If I had the opportunity I would never leave the house again. Sadly, I have bills to pay...


 I'm exactly the same - I wish I didn't have to go out to work to pay the bills so I could shut myself in as well. I have done it before in between jobs, and those periods have pretty much been the only times I've ever been close to being happy. Since last Wednesday morning I've been at home shut away from the rest of the world recovering from a hernia operation and it's been absolute bliss. I much prefer being in my own little world.


----------



## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

I'm the opposite. I work 2 jobs (full time midnight shifts + teaching) and go to school, plus married and living on [our] own. But it's wearing me out and sometimes I want to go back to how I used to be--a stoner doing nothing but playing video games and making beats.

It gets lonely on midnights and working for 24 hours straight some days (literally, and changing clothes in bathrooms). It'd be nice to have a normal career that I could be proud of.

Honestly I'd rather read stuff and play video games all day. But I have a kid on the way, too, and it's scary because I'm selfish--only child, need lots of private time, moody and neurotic wage-slave.


----------



## 11brian11 (Jan 18, 2014)

I am 35. I still live with my mother, but also my girlfriend. I understand what you mean. My mother was probably a major contributor to my SA, but now because of my mental illness, I am not able to live on my own. Not only do I suffer from SA, but I suffer from bad depression and OCD. People will judge unfortunately, I see it all the time. I have to shut myself off to what most people think otherwise I would be too ashamed to live. It is about survival day to day for me, as simple as that.


----------



## harikiri (Feb 10, 2013)

Mr Unknown said:


> I feel like a shut-in when i start comparing myself with others around me. Everyone else appears to have so much going on in their lives and i feel as though it's just me who struggles to get out.
> 
> I try to go out most days, i rarely stay in for more than two days in a row because otherwise my depression worsens and it just becomes even harder to get out the front door. Mostly i spend my time at a support group and i also volunteer two days a week. If i didn't have those activities then i doubt i would have much or any social interaction.
> 
> ...


Haha, I had to look again at your avatar to check it wasn't me who had written this! We have much in common, even down to the support group and two days volunteering a week. I also try to get out everyday, otherwise, etc, etc. And I live in London. Who knows, we may go to the same support group and volunteering, lol. Stranger things have happened!


----------



## stewartoo7 (Mar 6, 2013)

due to unimployment im indoors a lot these days so yeah im a shut in and tbh it kinda sucks balls but told myself i would make a effort to get out more and enjoy life.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Locut0s said:


> Sorry to resurrect an older thread but I have a question for you guys who have lived with your parents for a long time, or still do.
> 
> Do you feel that your family are simultaneously both the only reason you are alive AND a primary contributor to your problems? My parents have been supportive and allowed me to live like this for too long, I don't know what I'd do otherwise. But I've also come to realize that my relationship with them isn't the healthiest either. I have issues with feeling abandoned and emotionally neglected by both of my parents. Some of this is much more my own fault than theirs, but they certainly play a part in it. We are in many ways too close. It's not healthy to spend so much time so close to your parents as you fail to develop your own stable personality. I tend to lean on my parents as a crutch and defer things to them FAR to much. I will never look at my own feeling and needs and instead just say "you decide stuff for me". As a result I think a lot of the time I don't even know what I want or need. I've spent so much time leaving decisions to be made by others that I don't know how to make them for myself.
> 
> Can anyone else here relate to this?


 Has anyone ever told you these posts seem vaguely hostile?


----------



## Locut0s (Nov 27, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Has anyone ever told you these posts seem vaguely hostile?


Hostile in what way? Hostile to whom?


----------



## isurfallday (Nov 7, 2011)

I been a shut in living on unemployment, except for hitting the gym on my bike and jogging.......I suck


----------



## moonlite (Nov 25, 2012)

ils25r said:


> Hearing all these sad shut-in stories. I'm pretty much a shut-in too even if I'm away from my parent's home.
> 
> I wish there was some benefactor corporation or rich billionaire who had a work program for severe SA people. Even some kind of online work. Probably would cost too much and too many problems as well as being controversial like some socialist project.


There is online work. There are a lot of affiliate programs on the internet where you can promote products or services on a blog or website and earn commisions.

Of course you should research the company in advance before promoting them to ensure they are legit, but the vast majority are.

It's debatable whether doing this is good for getting out of being a shut it in, but it's certainly better than watching tv and playing games all day.


----------



## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

moonlite said:


> There is online work. There are a lot of affiliate programs on the internet where you can promote products or services on a blog or website and earn commisions.
> 
> Of course you should research the company in advance before promoting them to ensure they are legit, but the vast majority are.
> 
> It's debatable whether doing this is good for getting out of being a shut it in, but it's certainly better than watching tv and playing games all day.


I've heard about those. I thought they were all MLM scams. Plus your computer and browser get all exposed, malwared and loss of privacy with affiliates sending even more spam to your computer and then losing more phone privacy. And still not make money. Rather pay "intro fees and packages" to get started or continuing with another MLM scam. If it worked more people would be doing it whether SA or not, not just those affiliated behind the scenes to the MLMs in the first place who post their fake testimonials. No offense, thanks for the suggestion.

I don't have tv, just internet and basic phone, a flipphone. I haven't had basic cable since 1996. I haven't had a smartphone yet. I never bought a console since they came out 12 years ago, and just used my pc to play games in the past. Though I stopped playing games and hope to keep off of them. The guilt of having played games on my pc and the time wasted in the past kind of helps. So i do nothing except schoolwork at the moment, reading some forums, listening to talk radio, mostly news, news commentary local and political, and financial, and watching some streaming news mostly financial news.


----------



## moonlite (Nov 25, 2012)

ils25r said:


> I've heard about those. I thought they were all MLM scams. Plus your computer and browser get all exposed, malwared and loss of privacy with affiliates sending even more spam to your computer and then losing more phone privacy. And still not make money. Rather pay "intro fees and packages" to get started or continuing with another MLM scam.


I understand your concerns, but your way off.

MLM scheme's are something different entirely from affiliate programs.

Proper affiliate programs don't spam you with anything at all. Examples of proper affiliate programs include Amazon, Commision Junction and Clickbank. Plus there are no intro fees at all. Read- http://smallbiztrends.com/2013/08/affiliate-marketing-myths.html



ils25r said:


> If it worked more people would be doing it whether SA or not, not just those affiliated behind the scenes to the MLMs in the first place who post their fake testimonials. No offense, thanks for the suggestion.


It does work, but more people don't do it as you say because it requires time and effort. You need to write content which search engines like Google can index so you then get traffic to your website or blog so people buy something and you earn a commision. Once you get used to the whole process, it isn't difficult though.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

Shut-in for this weekend. It's been terrible snowstorms throughout the weekend. I managed to go to a laundromat to get laundry done, but that's been it as far as weekend excursions.


----------



## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

I was mostly a shut-in from Labor Day to Christmas except for work.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm a 31 year old shut-in. I basically get up and am on the computer all day. I do some coursework, but I'm by no means a full time college student.


----------



## Kiwong (Aug 6, 2010)

I went for a 10km run this morning. I take photos of sunsets, go to fun runs. I get out there.


----------



## JohnDoe26 (Jun 6, 2012)

27 yo, pretty much a shut in (with the exception of going to school to get my high school diploma). I have no idea what I'm going to do after...

Then, there's this deformity that I have to deal with. I can't even go to the grocery store or function socially it's terrible. I basically go to the places I have to go then speed walk home. 

I'm not on any social assistance, but if my plan fails I have no other option but to go that route


----------



## goitalone (Jan 28, 2014)

4 years ago, my friends all disappeared in the course of one single year. None of it was my fault. Two of them got divorces and new lives and new friends. One of them got a new job, with new friends and new interests. One of them got into a fight with my sister, and even though I wasn't involved, she decided not to talk to ME anymore, too. For no reason. 
This all happened in ONE hellish year. 

So I sit here every single day, while my kids are at school. I usually don't put on the TV, because there's nothing on. I've watched every single possible romantic movie or comedy movie there is, so there's nothing left. 
I usually don't go on the computer much, either. I'm in a computer phase right now, though.

When it's nice out, I look out the window, WISHING I could be out there with someone, walking or something. But there's no one, so I sit here still, where I've sat all winter. 
Only my kids bug m to take them places, so that's when I get out. 

I only go to Walmart a few times a week, by myself, for groceries, or whatever the kids/husband needs. And on Saturday nights, we go to my dad's, cause all the family hangs out there and parties. 

The rest of my life is here on this one spot on this one loveseat. It's lopsided now. My dent never comes up all the way, because I'm right back on it before it pops back up.

My dog comes and sits with me most of the time. Thank god. 

Then my kids get home from school, or come in from hanging with friends, and I put on my best peppy smile, and deal with them as best as possible, till they go to bed, and I can let out a sigh and stop faking being normal.

And let's not get me started on when one of their friends' parents call me to check us out before a sleepover or an outing. OMG. 
Those phone calls are always soooooooooooo awkward. It's so embarassing! I don't know what to say!?!? "Hi. I'm normal. We're not gonna molest or murder your kid, and I always check what they're doing. Thanks, nice to meet you!"
??

And seeing my kids' friends' parents out in public.....yeah. Horrible experience! 

So I prefer to just sit here, in the safe surroundings of my house. 
Even though I'd LOVE to be OUT there, living life, having a friend or two.

I can do it. I've done it for 4 years. I figure I only got what.....30-40 more years to go, right? If I'm "lucky"? (I'm 42.)


----------



## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

WOW... you all are newbies I am 48 and lived in isolation 7 1/2 years now. I gave up on all society, I will sit and watch them all kill each other for no reason at all.

They are call me a hater, and sick, demented, and delusional.... I just laugh my butt off, cause they do it from their own little hole, and they feel so superior. But I watch they drop away one by one, and leave nothing, nor are they remembered.

There isn't anything of value left out there... It's all been devalued so much, nobody means anything, it all just a illusion. And I watch them scurry like roaches when troubles come, because they never really experienced pain before.... Only inflict it !!

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future ....


----------

