# How to Look Confident and get Immediate Results (Inspired by SociallyAnxiousGamer)



## AntiAnxiety

Hello all,

Hope everyone is making good progress. I had a conversation with Socially AnxiousGamer, and I remembered something about confidence. I believed it helped me a little bit. It's a change you can immediately make and see results right away.

Some of you are probably aware that certain people walk a certain way. Denzel Washington is one of them. The president is another one. They exude confidence. One of the things I did to gain confidence was to being conscious of my body language, and I made sure that I appeared a certain way. What if I told you there was a trick you could use to appear confident and immediately have people start reacting to you as if you are a confident person? Keep reading and I'll tell you how to modify your walk so that you exude confidence.

*1.* Stand up straight.

*2.* Make sure your shoulders are down and pinned slightly back.

*3.* Push your chest out just a little bit. Not too much.

*4.* Chin up. Make sure you're looking straight ahead, and not downwards.

*5.* When you walk, take long strides, and make sure your heel touches the ground first on each step.

*6.* As for your arms, you can let them swing just slightly with each stride. Don't put much thought into what you do here, just don't swing them crazily.

When you combine all of these together, EVERYONE will move out of your walking path. If groups are walking opposite you, they will part and let you through. I'm a guy who's under 5'10, but I've had people as tall as 6'5 move COMPLETELY out of my way. Everyone moves. If they're not completely out of your way, you'll just brush shoulders, and that's very rare. I've even walked like I used to walk and modified my walk to this at the last minute, and it's funny to watch people move out of the way quickly.

Now that, I think about it, this walk might have had a lot to do with people starting to comment on my appearance; saying things like, "You look extremely relaxed. Are you from around here?". And those would be recurring compliments.

Well, there you have it. Come back and vouch for me once you see what happens when you try this.

When people treat you confidently ----> You start to believe it

When you start to believe it ----> That starts to reprogram you subconscious

Your subconscious is what triggers your fight-or-flight when anxiety kicks in. You can imagine what changing your subconscious can do.


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## AntiAnxiety

Don't know how in the hell the downwards-pointing-red-thumb got in front of the thread title. Can't change it now. I guess the red thumb down is to society? Lol.


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## ScorchedEarth

I don't care for projecting a false image. I'm going to walk as comes naturally.


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## AntiAnxiety

So, I take it you don't want to be confident? That's fine. This is for people ready to change.


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## ScorchedEarth

If by confident you mean deluded about one's actual shortcomings, with an inflated self-image, then yeah, I'd like to avoid that. Way too many douchebags out there already.


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## AntiAnxiety

Like I said, if you want to continue living your life as "someone with social anxiety", like it's a death sentence, go ahead. There are plenty of sub-forums here that encourage that. This is for people who want to improve themselves.


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## Justlittleme

i thought about this when i was 7, and used to do this. This is actually VERY true. annoyingly enough.


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## AntiAnxiety

likeaspacemonkey said:


> lol I noticed this a while back. Depending the image I want to project, what you describe is one of my walks. I'm a lot more conscious of how I move a small signals that I used to be.


It's funny how the small things can have a profound effect.


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## AntiAnxiety

People have probably heard the phrase, "Put some pep in your step" before. I like to think following these steps exactly is a bit more polished, sophisticated version of that.


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## tbyrfan

lol, you mean like this?


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## AntiAnxiety

LOL. Far too extreme. That's why I said to follow those steps.


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## ForeverStallone

I've always walked like this thanks to watching Arnold in T2. I think it's normal for people to walk like this where I'm from so no one ever makes comments about looking confident or relaxed. This fake confidence goes out the window when I have to speak and make eye contact.


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## Julia555

Lol, might have to practice this away from the public. I think it will feel awkward at first


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## DPRK

SadSack1987 said:


> I don't care for projecting a false image. I'm going to walk as comes naturally.


Changing a few simple things in one's walking style makes them fake? Wow, this is news to me!


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## Katx

Interesting thread. I usually walk with my head looking out straight and I try not to look down a lot. But since I hate making eye contact I usually turn my head at a very uncomfortable angle that it makes it almost seem as if I were the exorcist just to pretend to be looking at something to avoid eye contact. Oh boy, it doesn't get anymore awkward than me. People never get out of my way though, usually I just evade from walking too close to people. Then again, I'm a young female and I'm only 5"3 so yeah....


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## ScorchedEarth

DPRK said:


> Changing a few simple things in one's walking style makes them fake? Wow, this is news to me!


When you act out of character for the express purpose of getting favorable reactions from people, it's manipulative by my definition.


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## AndreaXo

SadSack1987 said:


> If by confident you mean deluded about one's actual shortcomings, with an inflated self-image, then yeah, I'd like to avoid that. Way too many douchebags out there already.


Sometimes you gotta "fake it 'til you make it."


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## Nylea

This worked for me, actually, even though I'm 5'3" and not intimidating at all. :lol 

The only thing that bothers me about it is that it attracts too much attention. Once I see someone looking at me, that false confidence goes right down the drain! Oh well, I guess I just have to work on it.


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## DPRK

SadSack1987 said:


> When you act out of character for the express purpose of getting favorable reactions from people, it's manipulative by my definition.


Walking with confidence instead of looking half-dead is in no way "acting out of character" or "manipulative". Perhaps you should look up the definition of 'manipulative' in a dictionary for some much-needed clarification.


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## AntiAnxiety

Nylea said:


> This worked for me, actually, even though I'm 5'3" and not intimidating at all. :lol
> 
> The only thing that bothers me about it is that it attracts too much attention. Once I see someone looking at me, that false confidence goes right down the drain! Oh well, I guess I just have to work on it.


There's my first vouch ^_^

I know people think they've done this before, but without thinking to follow these exact steps, I'm not so sure. I've tried to put some "pep in my step" before, but never got reactions like this, lol.


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## AntiAnxiety

DPRK said:


> Walking with confidence instead of looking half-dead is in no way "acting out of character" or "manipulative". Perhaps you should look up the definition of 'manipulative' in a dictionary for some much-needed clarification.


Lol, DPRK, I don't know what to say. I'm trying to help people to become confident. To be confident, you have to act like it. It comes in time, and believe me, it becomes your character. I don't think anyone is on this forum because they love their character. People who want to be outgoing start talking to people, so I don't see the issue.

I think, for some of us with social anxiety, we're too analytical. I know I used to be this way. You're worried about always being nice. You don't want to be thought of as someone who doesn't care, but who's going to care about you? If somebody decides that you're a douchebag before you even open your mouth, you shouldn't give a damn, lol. You can't stop everyone from not liking you.


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## DPRK

AntiAnxiety said:


> Lol, DPRK, I don't know what to say. I'm trying to help people to become confident. To be confident, you have to act like it. It comes in time, and believe me, it becomes your character. I don't think anyone is on this forum because they love their character. People who want to be outgoing start talking to people, so I don't see the issue.
> 
> I think, for some of us with social anxiety, we're too analytical. I know I used to be this way. You're worried about always being nice. You don't want to be thought of as someone who doesn't care, but who's going to care about you? If somebody decides that you're a douchebag before you even open your mouth, you shouldn't give a damn, lol. You can't stop everyone from not liking you.


Now I'm lost... ??? Is this in reply to my abrasive reply to that other person?


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## BreakMyFall

It looks like I'm pouting my chest hahaha


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## RidiculousLuke

I can vouch for this. I know a lot of people think that if you follow these steps and walk like this you might feel like your putting up a fake image of yourself.

While that is true in some way, I don't think that should really matter. Besides, everyone has facades that they put on around people. It's true though that the more you act like something, you will become like it. It's all in the mind.

I do this fairly often, although I like to think I look determined. I think I end up looking like a serial killer or some sort of thug.

But who cares, I feel really good when I walk this way so all I can say is...


Get your walk on! Get your walk on!


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## atticlights

Primate psychology?


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## DPRK

RidiculousLuke said:


> I can vouch for this. I know a lot of people think that if you follow these steps and walk like this you might feel like your putting up a fake image of yourself.
> 
> While that is true in some way, I don't think that should really matter. Besides, everyone has facades that they put on around people. It's true though that the more you act like something, you will become like it. It's all in the mind.
> 
> I do this fairly often, although I like to think I look determined. I think I end up looking like a serial killer or some sort of thug.
> 
> But who cares, I feel really good when I walk this way so all I can say is...
> 
> Get your walk on! Get your walk on!


It's an easy way to boost confidence. I like to say - walk like you're on a mission.

Although there's nothing fake about it, and it's not a facade. That's like saying that a person who starts to use acne cream to clear up their face so they can be more confident is fake... As if they can only be true to themselves with acne, but they are a poser if they have clear skin.


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## Zerix

SadSack1987 said:


> When you act out of character for the express purpose of getting favorable reactions from people, it's manipulative by my definition.


The point is to get a favorable reaction from yourself, getting it out of others is just the bonus. Learn to reframe your thinking, or remain a Sad Sack. Your attitude determines EVERYTHING. Keep your head up!


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## AntiAnxiety

DPRK said:


> Now I'm lost... ??? Is this in reply to my abrasive reply to that other person?


Well, your reply was in support of what I was saying, so I was agreeing with you.


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## Boertjie

People! Some of you are making too big of a deal out of this!

Adopting a better posture may or may not project confidence, but more importantly, it can help you feel better physically. With correct posture, you are stronger, your ribcage open up allowing you to breathe deeper and more easily, you walk with less effort, feel more awake and alert, your voice carries a little more, etc,etc.

So, in my opinion, better posture should be primarily about feeling physically better. I can vouch for it. It makes a difference. Plus I'm a serious pianist, and a big part of piano-playing-technique is about posture. So I know about this stuff.

If you want to go deeper into this, google "Alexander Technique" and "Feldenkrais Technique". Also look at how people who does physically demanding stuff use their bodies. People like sport-starts or farmers or builders, etc.

Walk tall and be happy!!


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## Darktower776

I just noticed that I actually do walk and carry myself this way at work but when I go other places out in public I don't. It is harder for some reason and I notice a difference in the way people treat me and the way I interact with them. I guess my anxiety is triggered more in places I don't go to as often. I'm not really sure.


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## a123

This is a good TED talk on body language in which she makes the point of faking it until you become it.


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## Ninetales

SadSack1987 said:


> I don't care for projecting a false image. I'm going to walk as comes naturally.


False Image? I learned confident was fake all along. If people appear confident they once faked it. No way they were born this way.


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## DPRK

AntiAnxiety said:


> Well, your reply was in support of what I was saying, so I was agreeing with you.


oh lol, sorry, but yes, it's those simple confidence-boosting exercises like the one you described that would benefit a lot of people. Especially in a community like SAS, there's a lot of people who need to start small and build their way up.

But to those who are disagreeing, well, I hope you have a better idea that does not involve changing your ways.


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## AntiAnxiety

DPRK said:


> oh lol, sorry, but yes, it's those simple confidence-boosting exercises like the one you described that would benefit a lot of people. Especially in a community like SAS, there's a lot of people who need to start small and build their way up.
> 
> But to those who are disagreeing, well, I hope you have a better idea that does not involve changing your ways.


Yeah man, the point I was just trying to make was, to beat SA, you have to change your ways in some shape or form. If you have SA, your current ways have resulted in you being uncomfortable to be around people, so you've got to start changing your actions in some way to reverse that.


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## truant

I've been doing this for the last few weeks. It definitely works. I don't think you need to be quite so exacting in your posture. I've been experimenting a lot and as long as your back is straight and your head is up, looking ahead, you're fine. I actually walk much _slower_ than I used to, probably about half my former speed. You can get a nice roll going once you get the rhythm down.

Also, there's nothing false about it. Everyone has a right to feel confident, regardless of their situation in life. It's just an expression of positive self-esteem. And yes, people will notice. I walked straight through a crowd of guys standing in front of a bar and they just moved out of the way.

For people who are running into problems with anxiety while they're walking, I would add one very important point to the list:

7. Whenever you feel anxious, close your mouth (if it's open), and breath deeply through your nose.

Deep breathing will eliminate a lot of your anxiety.


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## diva0820

I remember I had a bf who told me that when I walk I walk with my head down. I didn't quite understand what he meant and he did not do a good job of trying to explain what he meant because he was too busy taking advantage of my lack of confidence (lol, lol). 

But, basically, what I get from this post is that you have to project a certain image because 1) ppl can sense when you lack confidence and will often take advantage of it; and 2) you may not be aware that how you are presenting yourself is saying you lack confidence.

My takeaway from this post and the valuable lesson that I learned from the ex bf is to be mindful of the energy I project in my walk (NOTE: We are ALL energy). I now am more purposeful about making sure I'm walking tall and looking straight ahead. If I'm having one of those moments when I can't do it because I feel like I will feel fake (because that does happen sometimes), I don't go out socially, and accept that it's my issue and choice. But when I'm feeling better, I'm back out there looking and feeling confident because it is coming from within.

It DOES take work but you have to make a commitment to change because life is so worth living!!!


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## masterridley

SadSack1987 said:


> I don't care for projecting a false image. I'm going to walk as comes naturally.


Actually, this is not what it's all about. Adopting a better posture, you know, not going around with your back hunched, is good for your inner psychology. I don't give a damn about people getting out of my way roll at that) but I certainly feel better if I can manage to keep my back straight and my head up. It's like that TEDx talk posted, which is exactly what I thought of when I saw this thread.

Now, obviously this is not going to work every time. For example, if you're really depressed, walking like this is not going to do a damn thing for you. You will find that when you're depressed you actually don't want to be seen at all.

Yesterday was such a day for me. I had to get out of the house and no matter how much I tried, I could not stop my eyes from getting wet. I was feeling awful. So I did the opposite, I just let myself be how I was feeling, sad. And that worked too, usually I just try to hide everything but that was liberating. And after walking around a bit, I even entered the Science Museum on my own! (never have done anything like that before). At the end of that walk, I was over my depression. Just by letting it show on my face which I never do, like I said.

Disclaimer: everyone's reason for feeling depressed is different. Mine has a lot to do with my inability to show my real self.



AntiAnxiety said:


> So, I take it you don't want to be confident? That's fine. This is for people ready to change.


Whoa can you be a bit less aggressive. Everyone wants to be confident, but sure as hell if you have severe depression, walking like a boss is not going to change a damn thing. Don't accuse people who disagree with you as "not wanting to be confident".


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## AntiAnxiety

masterridley said:


> Actually, this is not what it's all about. Adopting a better posture, you know, not going around with your back hunched, is good for your inner psychology. I don't give a damn about people getting out of my way roll at that) but I certainly feel better if I can manage to keep my back straight and my head up. It's like that TEDx talk posted, which is exactly what I thought of when I saw this thread.
> 
> Now, obviously this is not going to work every time. For example, if you're really depressed, walking like this is not going to do a damn thing for you. You will find that when you're depressed you actually don't want to be seen at all.
> 
> Yesterday was such a day for me. I had to get out of the house and no matter how much I tried, I could not stop my eyes from getting wet. I was feeling awful. So I did the opposite, I just let myself be how I was feeling, sad. And that worked too, usually I just try to hide everything but that was liberating. And after walking around a bit, I even entered the Science Museum on my own! (never have done anything like that before). At the end of that walk, I was over my depression. Just by letting it show on my face which I never do, like I said.
> 
> Disclaimer: everyone's reason for feeling depressed is different. Mine has a lot to do with my inability to show my real self.
> 
> Whoa can you be a bit less aggressive. Everyone wants to be confident, but sure as hell if you have severe depression, walking like a boss is not going to change a damn thing. Don't accuse people who disagree with you as "not wanting to be confident".


Don't tell me how to react, lol. There's way too much enabling around here. It's all about attitude. Stop acting like it's a death sentence and do something about it. This thread is to help those people who want to do something about their lives. So, if someone has no intention of trying this, and just wants to come in here to talk down on it, take that negativity elsewhere. There are plenty of sub-forums on this site for you if you are fine with being a "sad sack".


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## AbsurdistMalarky

I started faking smiling and laughing so long it feels almost natural. It's certainly making me more popular than being my true, miserable-looking self.


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## AntiAnxiety

Real mature -____________-


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## AbsurdistMalarky

???


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## ScorchedEarth

What baffles me is the belief that once you have the fabled 'confidence' you'll suddenly start being 'successful'. This thing is pervasive and I don't get it, at all. If you have certain deficiencies, confidence is nothing but a banana peel you step on and get your face smashed in. I've been there and I bear the scars. Nowadays, I prefer cautious pessimism.

As for the idea that a certain walk will give you 'confidence'... laughable. It's an internal thing that has to be earned through repeated confirmation. That's why I call fake on this method. It might make you _look_ more confident... but once people get to actually know you, they'll see how mismatched it is with what's inside. It won't even take long - when they treat you like a carefree extrovert and you don't respond as one, they'll see the false front you put up.

What bugs me the most about this though is - why can't you be yourself? What is wrong with walking how you want, with being natural in a public environment? Why do you want to fake yourself out in the desperate hope that you'll become something you're not? Not everyone has to be a bloody carbon copy, it's OK for some people to be shy.


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## truant

Your limitations are not my limitations.


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## AbsurdistMalarky

I agree to a certain degree that confidence alone doesn't make you successful, but few people achieve success independently. Most people are successful because other people believe in them and help them achieve their goals. 

If you don't have self-belief, other people (unless they're that rare type who can see and tap into potential) won't believe in you either.


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## AntiAnxiety

SadSack1987 said:


> What baffles me is the belief that once you have the fabled 'confidence' you'll suddenly start being 'successful'. This thing is pervasive and I don't get it, at all. If you have certain deficiencies, confidence is nothing but a banana peel you step on and get your face smashed in. I've been there and I bear the scars. Nowadays, I prefer cautious pessimism.
> 
> As for the idea that a certain walk will give you 'confidence'... laughable. It's an internal thing that has to be earned through repeated confirmation. That's why I call fake on this method. It might make you _look_ more confident... but once people get to actually know you, they'll see how mismatched it is with what's inside. It won't even take long - when they treat you like a carefree extrovert and you don't respond as one, they'll see the false front you put up.
> 
> What bugs me the most about this though is - why can't you be yourself? What is wrong with walking how you want, with being natural in a public environment? Why do you want to fake yourself out in the desperate hope that you'll become something you're not? Not everyone has to be a bloody carbon copy, it's OK for some people to be shy.


You haven't paid attention to anything that was said. The only "deficiencies" you have are those you set for yourself. Unfortunately, you've been brainwashed by some of the talk on this forum to believe the opposite. This stuff takes continuous effort.

I never once said anywhere in this thread that this was the masterkey to confidence. This is an important part. You agree that confidence has to be earned through repeated confirmation; what do you think hearing it from other people will do to you all the while you're going through the process of convincing yourself?

You're too worried about what people think. For you, the fact that somebody might think you're not confident is enough for you to completely disregard the power of this. There are too many "douchebags", so you don't want anyone to think you are one. The funny thing is that, when you're confident, you don't need to hear it from other people, because you believe in yourself, and what happens is that a lot of people see that, so they tell you anyways.

There is nothing wrong with being yourself. The only thing you're doing here is modifying certain parts of your behavior so that you can be much more comfortable with being yourself. That's what confidence is. You're not afraid to put yourself out there. Your personality is what's going set you apart from others. There's a difference between being shy because you're afraid of people seeing who you are and being shy because you're just a person of few words. You're obviously the first of those options, because you claim you've tried before and basically given up. Stop looking for excuses. What do you have to lose here?


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## AntiAnxiety

truant said:


> Your limitations are not my limitations.


Precisely. With this, you're only limit is what you set for yourself.



AbsurdistMalarky said:


> I agree to a certain degree that confidence alone doesn't make you successful, but few people achieve success independently. Most people are successful because other people believe in them and help them achieve their goals.
> 
> If you don't have self-belief, other people (unless they're that rare type who can see and tap into potential) won't believe in you either.


I do agree that this is one benefit of confidence, and I briefly touched on that in my last post. Another important thing to mention though is that, with confidence, you can go wherever you want to go. You're not afraid to attempt things just because.


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## ScorchedEarth

I see my skewed views have led to some wrong assumptions, so let me try and break them down.



AntiAnxiety said:


> You haven't paid attention to anything that was said. The only "deficiencies" you have are those you set for yourself. Unfortunately, you've been brainwashed by some of the talk on this forum to believe the opposite. This stuff takes continuous effort.
> 
> *By deficiencies I meant things that will get you mocked no matter what you do. Being abnormally short, ugly, slow-witted etc. I've gone into social situations with all the confidence and naivety in the world. The feedback ground me down to dust because I thought that acting a certain way would make me more likeable. I was wrong. This took months and years before I became suicidal. You can't argue with experience, I'm afraid.*
> 
> I never once said anywhere in this thread that this was the masterkey to confidence. This is an important part. You agree that confidence has to be earned through repeated confirmation; what do you think hearing it from other people will do to you all the while you're going through the process of convincing yourself?
> 
> *When it comes to personal qualities as perceived by others in society, my motto is 'it's not for me to say'. My self-image is actually neutral, as it should be; it doesn't make me any less of a person that I'm objectively short, mentally rigid, and not generally attractive. I am what I am, it's not my fault, I can't change it and people would ideally look past it all. However, in reality, these traits certainly affect how other people perceive me. Many will ridicule me over superficial things I cannot control; fine, that shows their lack of character. It's the rest that I care about. When I said confidence can be earned, I meant on a person-to-person basis. I can be convinced that he or she likes me despite or even thanks to my genetic traits and personality. It won't make me feel that these genetic traits are generally desirable because that would be plainly delusional.*
> 
> You're too worried about what people think. For you, the fact that somebody might think you're not confident is enough for you to completely disregard the power of this. There are too many "douchebags", so you don't want anyone to think you are one. The funny thing is that, when you're confident, you don't need to hear it from other people, because you believe in yourself, and what happens is that a lot of people see that, so they tell you anyways.
> 
> *See above. I already know what most people think of me. I'm not worried even though it is not good. I'm over it now and I shrug off the frequent derision. It doesn't stop me from trying to become a better companion for the people who care to look past the surface.*
> 
> There is nothing wrong with being yourself. The only thing you're doing here is modifying certain parts of your behavior so that you can be much more comfortable with being yourself. That's what confidence is. You're not afraid to put yourself out there. Your personality is what's going set you apart from others. There's a difference between being shy because you're afraid of people seeing who you are and being shy because you're just a person of few words. You're obviously the first of those options, because you claim you've tried before and basically given up. Stop looking for excuses. What do you have to lose here?
> 
> *I certainly see myself as the latter. I should note that I'm not all that shy personally, at least not in most situations. My SA is not that bad. I can talk to people even though I know that most won't think much of me due to factors I can't control. I'm not avoidant, but mainly awkward and with a blunted affect. However, shyness is something I appreciate in others, as is self-deprecation and humility. I understand that goes against the grain in our self-confidence/self-esteem-obsessed society and that's perfectly fine in my view; it would also take someone with equally unusual preferences to appreciate my genetic traits rather than merely tolerate them. As for being afraid of people seeing who I am - actually, no, it's the contrary. As stated before, I try to act natural, and masking it in false confidence would only dilute that. If someone likes me, it should be thanks to what I am, rather than any superficial image I project. I know you're not saying that faking confidence is required, but unfortunately, 'fake it till you make it' is something I hear constantly elsewhere, and I resent it.
> 
> Whatever the case, I won't fall into the 'confidence = worth' trap. I like to treat everyone with respect, especially if they appear to be hurting. This is most definitely contrary to my RL experiences of how I've been treated when I was down. Maybe my environment has just been particularly terrible, but I suspect I would stick out like a sore thumb anywhere. No kind of walk is going to change that.
> 
> Oh, and I haven't given up. I'm actually gearing up for another attempt at being social and in the meantime, I'm working on the things that I can control about myself. This time though, I'll have a thicker skin and a much more cynical outlook. *


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## AbsurdistMalarky

That's an excellent and eloquent post, SadSack; and there's little I could argue with.

When I talk about faking confidence, I mean displaying the mannerisms of self-worth that you _should have_ about yourself, so that people aren't prejudiced by the image you're projecting and assume you're nothing before you can show them otherwise.

I can understand the futility of swaggering around like King-**** when you're clearly not, but there's much to be said for keeping your head held high and speaking confidently, without appearing like a nervous wreck.

People might still not like you or desire you, but they'll have to respect you. I'm not Mr Popular, but people rarely give me ****, because I'm not an easy target.


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## sweetSacrifice

"Be confident and be yourself!"

i dunno how someone with SA can be both   
I'd rather be myself.


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## AbsurdistMalarky

flaminsnow said:


> "Be confident and be yourself!"
> 
> i dunno how someone with SA can be both
> I'd rather be myself.


What you are is a fluid thing. It is not set in stone. You may not be confident now, but the future you might be.


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## mjkittredge

I've tried this and it does work surprisingly well. Other people walking along a sidewalk or path clear over, and many put their heads down or turn to the side to avoid eye contact.

Now that I can walk confidently, need to work on smiling and being friendly, saying "Hi!" and follow up with a friendly question such as "Doing anything interesting?"

One time I went to a bar for a date and afterwards she told me I wasn't confident enough. She said she wanted a guy who would walk in there like he owned the place. That seemed a bit much to me, like overconfidence bordering on arrogance. But hey, if that got a better result, I'd try.


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## AntiAnxiety

*By deficiencies I meant things that will get you mocked no matter what you do. Being abnormally short, ugly, slow-witted etc. I've gone into social situations with all the confidence and naivety in the world. The feedback ground me down to dust because I thought that acting a certain way would make me more likeable. I was wrong. This took months and years before I became suicidal. You can't argue with experience, I'm afraid.*

That confidence wasn't real.

*When it comes to personal qualities as perceived by others in society, my motto is 'it's not for me to say'. My self-image is actually neutral, as it should be; it doesn't make me any less of a person that I'm objectively short, mentally rigid, and not generally attractive. I am what I am, it's not my fault, I can't change it and people would ideally look past it all. However, in reality, these traits certainly affect how other people perceive me. Many will ridicule me over superficial things I cannot control; fine, that shows their lack of character. It's the rest that I care about. When I said confidence can be earned, I meant on a person-to-person basis. I can be convinced that he or she likes me despite or even thanks to my genetic traits and personality. It won't make me feel that these genetic traits are generally desirable because that would be plainly delusional.*

I've read you're entire post, so I'm taking everything into account as I reply to each area of your post. If you're having awkward pauses, you haven't been talking enough. This is likely due to you caring about what people think. It drove you to the point of suicide and you now feel inferior.

I can't speak for everybody of course, but, when I'm talking to a guy, I'm not thinking, "oh, he's short" or "oh, he's unattractive". I'm not trying to **** you, so I'm listening to what you've got to say, LOL. These things are on your mind, man. And, you can actually change some of them.

*See above. I already know what most people think of me. I'm not worried even though it is not good. I'm over it now and I shrug off the frequent derision. It doesn't stop me from trying to become a better companion for the people who care to look past the surface.*

You can't possibly know what most people think of you. Though, if you're walking around with your head down constantly, your back is slumped over and you have a look of perpetual sadness on your face, people won't want to be bothered with you. People don't understand that. It's off-putting. You say that you want to be social, which means you have to at least make a change to be more outgoing, but you don't want to be mindful of things that can be affecting that in a negative way. People are going to see you're slow-to-the-punch socially in the beginning anyways. Confidence helps you in several ways, but how you come across as a person is what will get you companions.

*I certainly see myself as the latter. I should note that I'm not all that shy personally, at least not in most situations. My SA is not that bad. I can talk to people even though I know that most won't think much of me due to factors I can't control. I'm not avoidant, but mainly awkward and with a blunted affect. However, shyness is something I appreciate in others, as is self-deprecation and humility. I understand that goes against the grain in our self-confidence/self-esteem-obsessed society and that's perfectly fine in my view; it would also take someone with equally unusual preferences to appreciate my genetic traits rather than merely tolerate them. As for being afraid of people seeing who I am - actually, no, it's the contrary. As stated before, I try to act natural, and masking it in false confidence would only dilute that. If someone likes me, it should be thanks to what I am, rather than any superficial image I project. I know you're not saying that faking confidence is required, but unfortunately, 'fake it till you make it' is something I hear constantly elsewhere, and I resent it.*

In a conversation, no one is thinking about your traits like that, but you. Unless they're messing around with you. It's weird to bring something like that up in normal conversation, because it's obvious. I'm short too. Who cares? Lol.

That awkwardness is going to smooth out as you talk more and more. Though, if you walk around looking like you're disturbed by something, people see that. As someone else touched on, you can be a target. Unfortunately, there are people out there who like to take advantage of others. They'll talk to you how they think they can talk to you, but confidence is a shield for that, because they won't try somebody that they know they can't tear down.

*Whatever the case, I won't fall into the 'confidence = worth' trap. I like to treat everyone with respect, especially if they appear to be hurting. This is most definitely contrary to my RL experiences of how I've been treated when I was down. Maybe my environment has just been particularly terrible, but I suspect I would stick out like a sore thumb anywhere. No kind of walk is going to change that.

Oh, and I haven't given up. I'm actually gearing up for another attempt at being social and in the meantime, I'm working on the things that I can control about myself. This time though, I'll have a thicker skin and a much more cynical outlook.*

I'm glad to hear you haven't given up. Life is too long to spend the whole thing being miserable.

I doubt it's your environment. I used to deal with the same kind of stuff. I can tell you though, I can't remember the last time someone tried me. If people think they can take advantage of you, they will.

This kind of stuff is important though. Be mindful of how you're appearing. Nobody is completely disregarding what you're saying because you're on the short side. Many powerful people in history were short. However, if you're trying to have a conversation, and your expression looks sad as hell, that's distracting. Then on top of that, you're somewhat awkward, it's the perfect storm, lol.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

Thanks for taking the time.



AntiAnxiety said:


> That confidence wasn't real.
> 
> *I don't know... I was optimistic, I wasn't conscious about my height, I didn't consider myself slow, and I was feeling good about having lost a lot of weight. I'd say the confidence was genuine, but unfounded and without any precedent to back it up. Exactly the reason for my negativity in this thread.*
> 
> I've read you're entire post, so I'm taking everything into account as I reply to each area of your post. If you're having awkward pauses, you haven't been talking enough. This is likely due to you caring about what people think. It drove you to the point of suicide and you now feel inferior.
> 
> *The ridicule drove me to isolation and suicide. I don't know if it was because of how I spoke or whatever combination of my many undesirable traits. I don't feel inferior as a person but I do feel handicapped as far as socializing goes. Then again, the more I think about it, these traits do help weed out the awful, superficial people. Show a vulnerability and see who takes a bite.*
> 
> I can't speak for everybody of course, but, when I'm talking to a guy, I'm not thinking, "oh, he's short" or "oh, he's unattractive". I'm not trying to **** you, so I'm listening to what you've got to say, LOL. These things are on your mind, man. And, you can actually change some of them.
> 
> *That's admirable of you, but the ridicule came from those who didn't speak to me, just based on first impressions.*
> 
> You can't possibly know what most people think of you. Though, if you're walking around with your head down constantly, your back is slumped over and you have a look of perpetual sadness on your face, people won't want to be bothered with you. People don't understand that. It's off-putting. You say that you want to be social, which means you have to at least make a change to be more outgoing, but you don't want to be mindful of things that can be affecting that in a negative way. People are going to see you're slow-to-the-punch socially in the beginning anyways. Confidence helps you in several ways, but how you come across as a person is what will get you companions.
> 
> * I'm positive that my appearance and personality are making me look very out of place. I just don't fit in and never will. This is not necessarily bad in my view, but it does provoke that abuse. I do not blame myself for it - I'd never abuse someone based on that or on anything else. No decent person would.
> 
> I agree that I need to be less guarded in order for others to have a good time with me. This is something to work on, though I'll always be a slow and considerate conversationalist. Apart from that, I'm hoping that goodwill, honesty, tolerance and humility will make me likeable to the right people. If not - then society will be too corrupt and/or superficial for me anyway. There's only so many changes I'm willing to make before I feel like I'm morphing into something different just to be accepted.*
> 
> In a conversation, no one is thinking about your traits like that, but you. Unless they're messing around with you. It's weird to bring something like that up in normal conversation, because it's obvious. I'm short too. Who cares? Lol.
> 
> That awkwardness is going to smooth out as you talk more and more. Though, if you walk around looking like you're disturbed by something, people see that. As someone else touched on, you can be a target. Unfortunately, there are people out there who like to take advantage of others. They'll talk to you how they think they can talk to you, but confidence is a shield for that, because they won't try somebody that they know they can't tear down.
> 
> *I think some *******s will attack anyone that stands out and obviously has no backup. And I agree that the awkwardness will get better with experience. I'm a slow learner but I do learn.*
> 
> I'm glad to hear you haven't given up. Life is too long to spend the whole thing being miserable.
> 
> I doubt it's your environment. I used to deal with the same kind of stuff. I can tell you though, I can't remember the last time someone tried me. If people think they can take advantage of you, they will.
> 
> This kind of stuff is important though. Be mindful of how you're appearing. Nobody is completely disregarding what you're saying because you're on the short side. Many powerful people in history were short. However, if you're trying to have a conversation, and your expression looks sad as hell, that's distracting. Then on top of that, you're somewhat awkward, it's the perfect storm, lol.
> 
> *Nah, I don't know how many times I've been called dumb or weird just behind my back, or even laughed in my face without provocation by many different people, even in supposedly adult environments. Like I said, I know why this happens, I accept that *******s will keep doing this and I don't care anymore. People who won't mind my height or my face and forgive my weirdness - they're the ones I want to befriend, and I'm trying to be a better, friendlier person for their sake.*


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## AntiAnxiety

*Thanks for taking the time.*
Thank me one more time. I typed out a big *** response and it got deleted before I could post D:<

*I don't know... I was optimistic, I wasn't conscious about my height, I didn't consider myself slow, and I was feeling good about having lost a lot of weight. I'd say the confidence was genuine, but unfounded and without any precedent to back it up. Exactly the reason for my negativity in this thread.*

It's important for you to see what the point of this was though. I didn't say you would become confident just by doing this, but it does help quite a bit. You have to work on your conversation skills as well. Work on your life in all ways you see fit. That's how it all comes together. Some people feel beaten down on here, and they feel that they can't do anything. If you see how something as simple as a modified walk can part people from before your path, despite how short you may be or weak you may feel, you see how powerful presence can be.

*The ridicule drove me to isolation and suicide. I don't know if it was because of how I spoke or whatever combination of my many undesirable traits. I don't feel inferior as a person but I do feel handicapped as far as socializing goes. Then again, the more I think about it, these traits do help weed out the awful, superficial people. Show a vulnerability and see who takes a bite.*

Your height and **** has nothing to do with it really. Those are just things people think you might be insecure about, and when you look like an easy target, like someone else mentioned, people go for it. It was how you spoke and your expression. You will do it better. It's kind of funny when you look at it from a certain angle. They think being short is a problem, but you have to live like that, and it bothers them more than it bothers you.

That's admirable of you, but the ridicule came from those who didn't speak to me, just based on first impressions.

I'm not picturing this correctly. May I have an example?

*I'm positive that my appearance and personality are making me look very out of place. I just don't fit in and never will. This is not necessarily bad in my view, but it does provoke that abuse. I do not blame myself for it - I'd never abuse someone based on that or on anything else. No decent person would.*

Fitting in is an overused term for me. I think, when you're friends with somebody you both bring something different to the table. Even if it's slight, it's a light contrast.

*I agree that I need to be less guarded in order for others to have a good time with me. This is something to work on, though I'll always be a slow and considerate conversationalist. Apart from that, I'm hoping that goodwill, honesty, tolerance and humility will make me likeable to the right people. If not - then society will be too corrupt and/or superficial for me anyway. There's only so many changes I'm willing to make before I feel like I'm morphing into something different just to be accepted.*

As far as conversation goes, that's up to how you want to talk. You're certainly not incapable of being a fast talker. Those are good qualities. At the same time, you've got to understand, you want to be the best version of yourself, and I think you get that. It's similar to going outside with your favorite shirt on, but it's dirty. Change it to something that makes you look better.

*I think some *******s will attack anyone that stands out and obviously has no backup. And I agree that the awkwardness will get better with experience. I'm a slow learner but I do learn.*

People will treat you how they think they can treat you. It really is that simple, and that's why a lot of things go on. People do what they think they're capable of getting away with. But yeah, that awkwardness will be completely gone.

*Nah, I don't know how many times I've been called dumb or weird just behind my back, or even laughed in my face without provocation by many different people, even in supposedly adult environments. Like I said, I know why this happens, I accept that *******s will keep doing this and I don't care anymore. People who won't mind my height or my face and forgive my weirdness - they're the ones I want to befriend, and I'm trying to be a better, friendlier person for their sake.*

I've had the same thing happen to me. I even remember vividly I had a conversation about 5 years ago with two people. I turned around and started walking away, and I heard the guy say, "He's so weird." Behind my back. Funny thing was, as I remember it, he had his own insecurities. If that were me today, I would've turned around embarrassed him. As bad as it was for me back then, and as bad as it is for you right now, we never were, and never will be weak enough to the point where we never have to pull somebody else down to lift ourselves up. So you're right not to care anymore. Stop saying it's your height though. Plenty of short people get respect; myself included. attractiveness is determined by perception. Why should you give a damn if some man calls you ugly? It's really weird for a straight man to tell another dude that he's not attractive. If you're gay, you have to decide whether or not you value his opinion, lol. You can change your look anyways. I've had women who ignored me before stop me now to call me sexy. This is all in your hands.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

5char



AntiAnxiety said:


> *Thanks for taking the time.*
> Thank me one more time. I typed out a big *** response and it got deleted before I could post D:<
> 
> *ctrl+A, then ctrl + C, man. Spam it every few seconds. And paste the text into a notepad before submitting.*
> 
> Work on your life in all ways you see fit. That's how it all comes together. Some people feel beaten down on here, and they feel that they can't do anything.
> 
> *Agreed, I see a lot of them saying that they are hopeless and that they'll never amount to anything. Always tragic to see a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's also somewhat subjective though. You might think that, because I think I'm ugly and weird, I'm handicapping myself socially. You may be right. But I'm not going to sacrifice objectivity just to be more confident.*
> 
> If you see how something as simple as a modified walk can part people from before your path, despite how short you may be or weak you may feel, you see how powerful presence can be.
> 
> *Powerful it may be, but I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye about changing a superficial behavior for artificial gains. It goes against my philosophy. Believe it or not, I actually already walk in a 'gtfo out of my way' style btw. It comes natural and reflects my attitude when I'm out on business. It's true, no one blocks my path.
> *
> 
> I'm not picturing this correctly. May I have an example?
> 
> *It wasn't exactly ridicule, but the source was pretty unbiased and wasn't trying to put me down. I was walking through an airport. All of a sudden I heard a child's voice, then an man: 'why is he like that, daddy?' 'I don't know...' I'm telling you, something or a combination of things make me stand out, a lot. I am fine with that.*
> 
> Fitting in is an overused term for me. I think, when you're friends with somebody you both bring something different to the table. Even if it's slight, it's a light contrast.
> 
> *Good point, but I'm just talking about 'what's wrong with him?!' type reactions. Again, the people who do this are of no interest to me.*
> 
> At the same time, you've got to understand, you want to be the best version of yourself, and I think you get that. It's similar to going outside with your favorite shirt on, but it's dirty. Change it to something that makes you look better.
> 
> *If you're talking about superficial characteristics in general, as with other things, my stance on that is to change the things that I would find offensive or annoying in other people. That way, my appearance accurately reflects my likes and dislikes. I wouldn't go out with that dirty shirt because I wouldn't want to see or smell everyone else wearing undone laundry. Not because it would make me look bad, per se.*
> 
> People will treat you how they think they can treat you. It really is that simple, and that's why a lot of things go on. People do what they think they're capable of getting away with. But yeah, that awkwardness will be completely gone.
> 
> *Meh, when I was a teen I didn't want to be associated with 'people'. This was why. I just don't act like that, nor would I ever think of behaving that way. 'People' can still suck my dick, it's good-natured individuals that I care about, and I have met a few.*
> 
> As bad as it was for me back then, and as bad as it is for you right now, we never were, and never will be weak enough to the point where we never have to pull somebody else down to lift ourselves up.
> 
> *Damn right. I avoid pride like the plague but not being a judgmental bully is no bad thing.*
> 
> Stop saying it's your height though. Plenty of short people get respect; myself included. attractiveness is determined by perception. Why should you give a damn if some man calls you ugly? It's really weird for a straight man to tell another dude that he's not attractive. If you're gay, you have to decide whether or not you value his opinion, lol. You can change your look anyways. I've had women who ignored me before stop me now to call me sexy. This is all in your hands.
> 
> *Yeah, I don't care if I get called ugly. I think attractiveness is at least 60% genetics, but that non-douchebags put a lot less value in it compared to personality, principles and other qualities. Those are the things I'm working on.*


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## bornofbrosiris

This seems more male oriented than female, though.


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## bornofbrosiris

AntiAnxiety said:


> People will treat you how they think they can treat you. It really is that simple, and that's why a lot of things go on. People do what they think they're capable of getting away with.


This is very wise, and very true.


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## AntiAnxiety

*ctrl+A, then ctrl + C, man. Spam it every few seconds. And paste the text into a notepad before submitting.*

Yeah, I know. I'm an IT guy. Never expected my machines to turn against me >___>

*Agreed, I see a lot of them saying that they are hopeless and that they'll never amount to anything. Always tragic to see a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's also somewhat subjective though. You might think that, because I think I'm ugly and weird, I'm handicapping myself socially. You may be right. But I'm not going to sacrifice objectivity just to be more confident.*

The point is, it's subjective. Someone saying you're ugly doesn't make it a fact. ****, 50 people saying it doesn't make it a fact. And, as for the weird thing, everyone is weird. You think that's bad, because, as kids, nobody wants to be labeled as something different. We stop trying to hide our differences so much as we mature.

*Powerful it may be, but I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye about changing a superficial behavior for artificial gains. It goes against my philosophy. Believe it or not, I actually already walk in a 'gtfo out of my way' style btw. It comes natural and reflects my attitude when I'm out on business. It's true, no one blocks my path.*

I notice you use that perspective a lot. You want to be a companion for others. You want others to have a good time with you. What about you though? You deserve things as well. I know how SA can make you want interaction from others. So you're extra nice and go out of your way. You have value too though. I believe you have to take care of yourself before anything else.

I'm still not seeing where you're coming from with the superficial stuff. You're acting somewhat differently by making an effort to talk to people, otherwise you wouldn't have SA to begin with. The walk is for you. What it does for your mind. The confidence is for you. The fact that achieving it can attract positive attention is merely an effect.

*It wasn't exactly ridicule, but the source was pretty unbiased and wasn't trying to put me down. I was walking through an airport. All of a sudden I heard a child's voice, then an man: 'why is he like that, daddy?' 'I don't know...' I'm telling you, something or a combination of things make me stand out, a lot. I am fine with that.*

Oh, I see. That's actually interesting. That tells you something about how you're appearing. Let me tell you, I never would have thought about how I was appearing, but I saw myself on video one time years ago. I looked like I was doomed, and this was at a celebration. I couldn't even watch the whole thing. Be fine with it, but know what it is.

Fitting in is an overused term for me. I think, when you're friends with somebody you both bring something different to the table. Even if it's slight, it's a light contrast.

*Good point, but I'm just talking about 'what's wrong with him?!' type reactions. Again, the people who do this are of no interest to me.*

People react to the unexpected differently. They simply don't understand the cause. I used to have this nervous tick when I spoke. My head would shake slightly. I remember a girl saw me do this up-close while I was talking to her. She just froze and stared at me.

*If you're talking about superficial characteristics in general, as with other things, my stance on that is to change the things that I would find offensive or annoying in other people. That way, my appearance accurately reflects my likes and dislikes. I wouldn't go out with that dirty shirt because I wouldn't want to see or smell everyone else wearing undone laundry. Not because it would make me look bad, per se.*

Well, you already said you think you needed to be less-guarded, so I think you understand what I'm saying. I notice you mentioned again that you're concerned about inconveniencing everyone else before yourself. To put it in a way you might put it, people can't have a great time with you if you're looking like a sourpuss 24/7.

*Meh, when I was a teen I didn't want to be associated with 'people'. This was why. I just don't act like that, nor would I ever think of behaving that way. 'People' can still suck my dick, it's good-natured individuals that I care about, and I have met a few.*

Lol. Well, how you act is completely under your control.

*Damn right. I avoid pride like the plague but not being a judgmental bully is no bad thing.*

Everybody is at least a bit judgmental, but there's a big difference between the common levels of that and then the level that an ******* might exhibit. For example, at the beginning of all this, you basically said that walking in this way would turn you into a douchebag. The same people who look at somebody and decide they're a douchebag before even talking to them are the same people who would look at you and decide you're "weird" or "crazy" before even hearing what you have to say. Not attacking you or anything, just step back and take a look at that. Be objective, you know?

*Yeah, I don't care if I get called ugly. I think attractiveness is at least 60% genetics, but that non-douchebags put a lot less value in it compared to personality, principles and other qualities. Those are the things I'm working on.*

I suppose. The douchebag tier can have a lot of different kinds of douchebags, lol.


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## AntiAnxiety

bornofbrosiris said:


> This seems more male oriented than female, though.


I see what you mean, but the message I wanted to be received is the same on both sides. You can control things just like that. It's like a drill, but it's much more because at the same time, you can use that to help you re-shape your subconscious mind.


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## ScorchedEarth

The point is, it's subjective. Someone saying you're ugly doesn't make it a fact. ****, 50 people saying it doesn't make it a fact. And, as for the weird thing, everyone is weird. You think that's bad, because, as kids, nobody wants to be labeled as something different. We stop trying to hide our differences so much as we mature.

*I wouldn't agree that beauty is entirely subjective. I think there's a general consensus as to what is attractive or unattractive, especially within one's own ethnic group. But there is still some room for personal taste. I don't think weirdness is bad, just that it's generally frowned upon. Not by me, of course. I think that even after childhood, people try to fit in with the norm because of the ridicule and suspicion that comes with being different, which it sounds like we have both experienced...*

I notice you use that perspective a lot. You want to be a companion for others. You want others to have a good time with you. What about you though? You deserve things as well. I know how SA can make you want interaction from others. So you're extra nice and go out of your way. You have value too though. I believe you have to take care of yourself before anything else.

*I feel it's a healthy and fair approach, as long as I can tell when I'm being taken advantage of. Moreover, there's the impression that if I'm going to put myself out there with all my handicaps, I should make up for it in other ways As for my needs, they aren't many. I'm getting interested in socializing again because I'm not going to be young for much longer and out of curiosity, not I'm not lonely, nor do I feel any urge to interact. So as long as I get new learning experiences, it's all good.*

People react to the unexpected differently. They simply don't understand the cause. I used to have this nervous tick when I spoke. My head would shake slightly. I remember a girl saw me do this up-close while I was talking to her. She just froze and stared at me.

*Sure, I do a double-take on strange and unusual things too. It's an unconscious reaction, so it's excusable. It's not the same as calling someone weird behind their back, where they can still clearly hear you. What kind of lowlife behavior is that?*

Well, you already said you think you needed to be less-guarded, so I think you understand what I'm saying. I notice you mentioned again that you're concerned about inconveniencing everyone else before yourself. To put it in a way you might put it, people can't have a great time with you if you're looking like a sourpuss 24/7.

*Yup, it all comes down to treating people as I'd like to be treated, which includes not being a constant downer. But contrary to artificially adopting a walk or consciously changing my speech patterns, this change comes from within and is reflected in my behavior. This I find acceptable. I've always been introspective, rigid and stubborn, so change must be internal first.*

Everybody is at least a bit judgmental, but there's a big difference between the common levels of that and then the level that an ******* might exhibit. For example, at the beginning of all this, you basically said that walking in this way would turn you into a douchebag. The same people who look at somebody and decide they're a douchebag before even talking to them are the same people who would look at you and decide you're "weird" or "crazy" before even hearing what you have to say. Not attacking you or anything, just step back and take a look at that. Be objective, you know?

*Slight misunderstanding, what I was saying in that post was that I don't want to be confident without damn good reason, and that way too many people have this unwarranted self-confidence. I don't decide that someone is a douchebag just by how they walk, and I most certainly don't make fun of them for it. A douche, to me, is someone that has a high opinion of themselves. So I pay attention to what they say and if they keep tooting their own horn, yeah, they're a douchebag by my reckoning. There's nothing more annoying than self-aggrandizement and unfortunately, that is a byproduct of confidence.*


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## AntiAnxiety

*I wouldn't agree that beauty is entirely subjective. I think there's a general consensus as to what is attractive or unattractive, especially within one's own ethnic group. But there is still some room for personal taste. I don't think weirdness is bad, just that it's generally frowned upon. Not by me, of course. I think that even after childhood, people try to fit in with the norm because of the ridicule and suspicion that comes with being different, which it sounds like we have both experienced...*

That's dictated by media as far as I'm concerned. You see fashion shows and people being named the most beautiful women in the world, and I just don't see it. I hear what you're saying though. EVERYONE is weird. It's what makes us individuals. Yeah, you'll still see those people who haven't quite grown up and still try to group themselves in with certain people. That ridicule only affected me long ago before I understood this.

*I feel it's a healthy and fair approach, as long as I can tell when I'm being taken advantage of. Moreover, there's the impression that if I'm going to put myself out there with all my handicaps, I should make up for it in other ways As for my needs, they aren't many. I'm getting interested in socializing again because I'm not going to be young for much longer and out of curiosity, not I'm not lonely, nor do I feel any urge to interact. So as long as I get new learning experiences, it's all good.*

Make up for it how?

*Sure, I do a double-take on strange and unusual things too. It's an unconscious reaction, so it's excusable. It's not the same as calling someone weird behind their back, where they can still clearly hear you. What kind of lowlife behavior is that?*

Well, weird is just the elementary school term for different. As I said before though, they're just trying to use that opportunity to push themselves towards that imaginary "norm". You never know every single thing there is to know about somebody. I'll say it again. Everyone is weird.

*Yup, it all comes down to treating people as I'd like to be treated, which includes not being a constant downer. But contrary to artificially adopting a walk or consciously changing my speech patterns, this change comes from within and is reflected in my behavior. This I find acceptable. I've always been introspective, rigid and stubborn, so change must be internal first.*

=/

*Slight misunderstanding, what I was saying in that post was that I don't want to be confident without damn good reason, and that way too many people have this unwarranted self-confidence. I don't decide that someone is a douchebag just by how they walk, and I most certainly don't make fun of them for it. A douche, to me, is someone that has a high opinion of themselves. So I pay attention to what they say and if they keep tooting their own horn, yeah, they're a douchebag by my reckoning. There's nothing more annoying than self-aggrandizement and unfortunately, that is a byproduct of confidence.*

Well, this is kind of what we were saying at the beginning. You said you didn't want to do this, because it would be false, and I felt you misunderstood, so I said, I guess you didn't want to be confident. There's a difference between being confident and being cocky though. I'm confident, but you'd never hear me running my mouth about how amazing I think I am. You'd never how I feel about myself, because I don't need to tell anyone that. I know you won't believe that though, so, oh well.


----------



## ScorchedEarth

5char



AntiAnxiety said:


> That's dictated by media as far as I'm concerned. You see fashion shows and people being named the most beautiful women in the world, and I just don't see it.
> 
> *Those shows have a very trite and boring ideal of beauty, but still more pleasing to the eye than 'plain' people. Standards of beauty change over the years but some things, like body shapes and facial symmetry, are deeply ingrained.*
> 
> Make up for it how?
> 
> *Just generally being a good guy. Trying to be a good listener, not putting my needs ahead of others', trying to be available and supportive at all times, etc. Just treating people well and hoping for good treatment in turn.*
> 
> Well, weird is just the elementary school term for different. As I said before though, they're just trying to use that opportunity to push themselves towards that imaginary "norm". You never know every single thing there is to know about somebody. I'll say it again. Everyone is weird.
> 
> *Guess I'll just have to find that out for myself. For a long time, I saw society as this amorphous blob that only considered me a plaything. I did try to open up once, with the aforementioned results.*
> 
> Well, this is kind of what we were saying at the beginning. You said you didn't want to do this, because it would be false, and I felt you misunderstood, so I said, I guess you didn't want to be confident. There's a difference between being confident and being cocky though. I'm confident, but you'd never hear me running my mouth about how amazing I think I am. You'd never how I feel about myself, because I don't need to tell anyone that. I know you won't believe that though, so, oh well.
> 
> *I believe you if you say you can contain the toxic runoff of confidence, but to me it's like alcohol: you can't get drunk without drinking and at the end of the day, I don't even see any value in drinking in the first place. But cockiness is only an annoying behavior. I'm more concerned about the internal effects of confidence, and especially overconfidence.
> 
> But maybe our ideas of *internal* confidence are different. Tell me if you agree with this idea of how a humble person, a confident person, and a douchebag would react to situations:
> 
> 1. You make a work of art. Doesn't matter what - a poem, a song, whatever. Most people say it sucks.
> 
> Humble: I know it sucks. I'll work twice as hard to make something acceptable next time.
> 
> Confident: Screw'em, I put my heart and soul into that. They just don't see the merit.
> 
> Douchebag: They should compare their lives to mine, and then kill themselves. (Phil Fish lol)
> 
> 2. You make a work of art. Most people like it.
> 
> Humble: I don't care what they say, it'll never be good enough. I'll try twice as hard next time.
> 
> Confident: Awesome, someone recognized my efforts. I knew it was good!
> 
> Douchebag: Of course it's the best! I made it!
> 
> Yeah, the way I see it, humility is not only a pleasing virtue but also a good approach to self-improvement. Putting yourself down does not necessarily mean you consider yourself worthless or hopeless, which I think is what people are trying to avoid when they keep spouting 'you need confidence! You need to think you're at least as good as anyone else!' I just feel like relentless self-criticism is the sweet spot between confidence and helplessness. *


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## Fredypin

Looking confident will only get you so far. The important task is for you to develop your confidence - it's a skill like anything else. You have to take small steps and practice them. Your social anxiety will never disappear on its own; you have to continuously work at it. 

Just take small challenges everyday, and you'll be surprised at how much you can grow as a person. For me, I took a public speaking course, did an internship, volunteered at a hospital, and made attempts to raise my hand in class. What happened? My anxiety went from an 8/10 to like a 4.5/10. 

By wearing a mask on, aka pretending to look confident, you're only deceiving yourself. Now I agree, that having a good posture and looking people in the eyes is important, but not for giving off the impression that "Hey, look at me. I'm confident."


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## AntiAnxiety

Two Sides said:


> Looking confident will only get you so far. The important task is for you to develop your confidence - it's a skill like anything else. You have to take small steps and practice them. Your social anxiety will never disappear on its own; you have to continuously work at it.
> 
> Just take small challenges everyday, and you'll be surprised at how much you can grow as a person. For me, I took a public speaking course, did an internship, volunteered at a hospital, and made attempts to raise my hand in class. What happened? My anxiety went from an 8/10 to like a 4.5/10.
> 
> By wearing a mask on, aka pretending to look confident, you're only deceiving yourself. Now I agree, that having a good posture and looking people in the eyes is important, but not for giving off the impression that "Hey, look at me. I'm confident."


I know the thread is a lot to read, but on the second page, I said pretty much what you said. That's why I named the thread, "*How to Look Confident and get Immediate Results*" The point is that you can do this now and reap the immediate effects. For it to be real, you've got to act like it, think like it. Integrating this does help you become it though.


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## AntiAnxiety

Those shows have a very trite and boring ideal of beauty, but still more pleasing to the eye than 'plain' people. Standards of beauty change over the years but some things, like body shapes and facial symmetry, are deeply ingrained.

Yeah, screw that noise, lol. I'm attracted to a few different shapes, and I find beauty in all races. People talk about preferring one race of people and not being attracted to other groups, but to me, it's like this, you're either being closed-minded or you aren't. All members of one group don't all act or look the same.

Just generally being a good guy. Trying to be a good listener, not putting my needs ahead of others', trying to be available and supportive at all times, etc. Just treating people well and hoping for good treatment in turn.

To me, it's like this; my needs are slightly above everyone else's (depends on family and other things though). If I can help somebody without risking screwing things up for me, I'll do it.

For example, the other day, a family member wanted to use my computer. I allowed that. They then wanted to log into my administrative account. I said no, and offered to help get what they wanted done another way. They got mad, and I said I just said I didn't care that they were mad, and walked away.

Another example, My neighbor is a single mother with five small children. Last Winter, I shoveled out her house when there was like 2 feet of snow on the ground. It snowed again, and her divorced husband showed up over there with a snowblower, saw I was having trouble, and just left. That might make some people not want to have anything else to do with them, but that won't stop me from helping her out again next time.

*Guess I'll just have to find that out for myself. For a long time, I saw society as this amorphous blob that only considered me a plaything. I did try to open up once, with the aforementioned results.*

I wondered why things would happen to me for a long time, and somebody told me what I'm telling you now. I haven't seen one thing to seriously challenge that. Everybody isn't the same, man. Wait until your conversation skills get better and people start wanting to spend time with you. Remember, at all times, be objective 

*I believe you if you say you can contain the toxic runoff of confidence, but to me it's like alcohol: you can't get drunk without drinking and at the end of the day, I don't even see any value in drinking in the first place. But cockiness is only an annoying behavior. I'm more concerned about the internal effects of confidence, and especially overconfidence.

But maybe our ideas of *internal* confidence are different. Tell me if you agree with this idea of how a humble person, a confident person, and a douchebag would react to situations:

1. You make a work of art. Doesn't matter what - a poem, a song, whatever. Most people say it sucks.

Humble: I know it sucks. I'll work twice as hard to make something acceptable next time.

Confident: Screw'em, I put my heart and soul into that. They just don't see the merit.

Douchebag: They should compare their lives to mine, and then kill themselves. (Phil Fish lol)

2. You make a work of art. Most people like it.

Humble: I don't care what they say, it'll never be good enough. I'll try twice as hard next time.

Confident: Awesome, someone recognized my efforts. I knew it was good!

Douchebag: Of course it's the best! I made it!*

Yeah, there is no run-off. I keep myself in check always. Which is why I continued this conversation with you after your initial comments, so that I could make sure I was seeing where your perspective was coming from. I simply fully believe in my abilities. I completely believe I can do anything I set my mind to. Honestly, the comments that stood out to me both times were the Confident ones. Though, I would analyze what they said to see if there was any substance to it. If there was, I would just take that into account.

I also take the perspective that the opinions of others aren't that valuable sometimes. There are plenty of entrepreneurs who have showed somebody an idea, and that person told them it was stupid or a bad idea. They followed through on it, and it blew up and got huge. So, that kind of input only means so much.

*Yeah, the way I see it, humility is not only a pleasing virtue but also a good approach to self-improvement. Putting yourself down does not necessarily mean you consider yourself worthless or hopeless, which I think is what people are trying to avoid when they keep spouting 'you need confidence! You need to think you're at least as good as anyone else!' I just feel like relentless self-criticism is the sweet spot between confidence and helplessness.*

Humility is absolutely necessary. There's just no need to put yourself down in my mind though. You did something wrong? Okay. What was it? Try to do it a different way next time. That simple to me.


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## LonelySkater

AntiAnxiety said:


> *5.* When you walk, take long strides, and make sure your heel touches the ground first on each step.


This is a good tip if you don't want to be walking behind people all the time. Take longer strides and walk along side them or in front of them instead. It feels better than always being the tail.


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## AntiAnxiety

LonelySkater said:


> This is a good tip if you don't want to be walking behind people all the time. Take longer strides and walk along side them or in front of them instead. It feels better than always being the tail.


Yup. This is why I say the follow all the steps. Chances are, you're not aware of the small details if you just see it.


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## TheHaxanCloak

SadSack1987 said:


> What baffles me is the belief that once you have the fabled 'confidence' you'll suddenly start being 'successful'. This thing is pervasive and I don't get it, at all. If you have certain deficiencies, confidence is nothing but a banana peel you step on and get your face smashed in. I've been there and I bear the scars. Nowadays, I prefer cautious pessimism.
> 
> As for the idea that a certain walk will give you 'confidence'... laughable. It's an internal thing that has to be earned through repeated confirmation. That's why I call fake on this method. It might make you _look_ more confident... but once people get to actually know you, they'll see how mismatched it is with what's inside. It won't even take long - when they treat you like a carefree extrovert and you don't respond as one, they'll see the false front you put up.
> 
> What bugs me the most about this though is - why can't you be yourself? What is wrong with walking how you want, with being natural in a public environment? Why do you want to fake yourself out in the desperate hope that you'll become something you're not? Not everyone has to be a bloody carbon copy, it's OK for some people to be shy.


I'm afraid you simply don't get it.
This is the very mentality that is crippling you guys with social anxiety in the 1st place; the unwillingness to change.

I get it. Apparently you enjoy being you. It takes less energy doing what comes naturally. Fine. Love yourself for who you are, that's awesome.
But what you aren't understanding is the majority of these people have trouble making friendships and relationships, and there's a reason for it; their body language, mannerisms, lack of confidence, and just lack of self-awareness in general. If they don't "fake it until you make it", why should they suddenly expect their life to change?
And if they don't want their life to change, WHY are they on here? 
Why are YOU on here?

You are basically implying that you want to continue to be your pessimistic, introverted self. Okay, fine. But you're apparently expecting (or wanting) people to just accept you for who you are?
To me, that is the laughable part.

These people are unhappy with some aspects of their social life or friend count. To continue the same endless cycle of "being ourselves" isnt going to suddenly help them overcome their anxiety, or score friends.

I'm sorry, but the whole "wahhh, why wont people accept me for who I am? Why can't they understand that I have social anxiety and they should treat me with sensitivity and cater to me because I'm so helpless and awkward and I just want them to love me for the shy person I am, because I dont want to ever be anything but shy" is nonsense.

If they dont want friends, whatever, that's cool; they can continue to live their life as they currently are. If they expect changes, like friend count, then obviously they need to start playing the game better.

Man, this reminds me of the show "What Not to Wear". People breaking down, crying, and saying "this isnt me. I feel so fake" because they're being made over to actually appeal to a wider majority of the world. I dont get it.

There's real science behind what the OP is saying. All confidence is faked. You convince yourself who you want to be. You project yourself in positive, confident ways to do so. You get positive affirmation from the world and people around you, and you realize that emulating confident people is helping you attract positive attention you otherwise wouldnt get.
People aren't going to approach a timid looking guy with his head down as he's walking.

It's the same reason why giving yourself fake compliments works; you just end up convincing yourself and one day you actually believe it, and it just changes the way you perceive yourself and behave.

I guess these are tactics that you never actually put to use, at least not long enough to see results. Otherwise I have no idea why you would be disagreeing with it, or even trying to discourage people from changing who they are, despite them clearly not being happy.

I will say though, OP, the bit about people telling you how relaxed you look and stuff is kind of over the top. I just can't imagine that being true. But people stepping out of your way and looking at you with respect, and having the desire to actually approach you? All of that is very true.

It's the same reason why people should record themselves and view their body language and mannerisms, and learn a bit about themselves. See how the world views you, and make changes to appear more approachable.
Practicing how to smile and look relaxed in a mirror, and being aware of your facial expressions...all of this should be common sense stuff.

I think I've triumphed over my SA like, 90%. Last year I was at like, 20%. 
It's not until I started to fake it that I actually started to overcome it.
I hate small talk, but guess what? People love it. So I faked it. I pretend to care about small talk, I ask questions, I hide how bored I am by smiling and nodding my head, and engaging in small talk. Eventually, I started to enjoy small talk, and now it's not something I dread or have to fake; it's something I want. It's something I know I need to learn to enjoy if I ever want to find and maintain friends.

I often wonder if people with SA pretend to be introverts, or hate conversation, or whatever excuses they make, simply as a defense mechanism. Like, pretending you hate small talk gives you an excuse to not engage in it. But really, I think they just avoid it because they suck at it currently, so they convince themselves that small talk is beneath them. That it's useless, a waste of their time, for dumb people, etc. All just a coping mechanism.
Thats how I use to feel, anyway.
I dont make up excuses for myself anymore, though.

People always laugh at and discredit topics like this. I think it's because the advice is so obvious and simple, that people mock it and dont take it seriously. The truth is there's 1000 easy ways to overcome social anxiety, and they are all super simple. Reality is most of the people on the forums haven't hit rock bottom so they aren't even willing to make easy, small changes, even if it means itll change their life.

It sounds like you're very strong-headed and set in your ways. Pretty much the worst type of mentality for anyone expecting to overcome this.


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## ScorchedEarth

TheHaxanCloak said:


> It sounds like you're very strong-headed and set in your ways. Pretty much the worst type of mentality for anyone expecting to overcome this.


Out of curiosity, have you read the rest of my posts in this thread? But yes, I'm stubborn in the extreme, and I revel in it. Knowing myself, if my intended approach does not work, I'll have to think long and hard whether to resort to fakeness - though only to reaffirm what I already know. It's a foregone conclusion. Honesty and stability are core values to me, while changing myself in fundamental ways in order to influence others just seems contemptible.

I don't think I'm a bad person as I am. My style may not have widespread appeal but it's genuine. I'd befriend someone like me, so I don't feel like a hypocrite and I'm not asking for anything I can't offer.

Regarding your question, yes, I'm sure many of us hate small talk. Personally, I don't see the use in it. I'm sure some SA sufferers are troubled extroverts but not many.


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## AntiAnxiety

*Quote from TheHaxanCloak*

*I'm afraid you simply don't get it.
This is the very mentality that is crippling you guys with social anxiety in the 1st place; the unwillingness to change.

I get it. Apparently you enjoy being you. It takes less energy doing what comes naturally. Fine. Love yourself for who you are, that's awesome.
But what you aren't understanding is the majority of these people have trouble making friendships and relationships, and there's a reason for it; their body language, mannerisms, lack of confidence, and just lack of self-awareness in general. If they don't "fake it until you make it", why should they suddenly expect their life to change?
And if they don't want their life to change, WHY are they on here? 
Why are YOU on here?

You are basically implying that you want to continue to be your pessimistic, introverted self. Okay, fine. But you're apparently expecting (or wanting) people to just accept you for who you are?
To me, that is the laughable part.

These people are unhappy with some aspects of their social life or friend count. To continue the same endless cycle of "being ourselves" isnt going to suddenly help them overcome their anxiety, or score friends.

I'm sorry, but the whole "wahhh, why wont people accept me for who I am? Why can't they understand that I have social anxiety and they should treat me with sensitivity and cater to me because I'm so helpless and awkward and I just want them to love me for the shy person I am, because I dont want to ever be anything but shy" is nonsense.

If they dont want friends, whatever, that's cool; they can continue to live their life as they currently are. If they expect changes, like friend count, then obviously they need to start playing the game better.

Man, this reminds me of the show "What Not to Wear". People breaking down, crying, and saying "this isnt me. I feel so fake" because they're being made over to actually appeal to a wider majority of the world. I dont get it.

There's real science behind what the OP is saying. All confidence is faked. You convince yourself who you want to be. You project yourself in positive, confident ways to do so*.

Yes. At first, you fake it. After time, you become it.

*You get positive affirmation from the world and people around you, and you realize that emulating confident people is helping you attract positive attention you otherwise wouldnt get.
People aren't going to approach a timid looking guy with his head down as he's walking.

It's the same reason why giving yourself fake compliments works; you just end up convincing yourself and one day you actually believe it, and it just changes the way you perceive yourself and behave.

I guess these are tactics that you never actually put to use, at least not long enough to see results. Otherwise I have no idea why you would be disagreeing with it, or even trying to discourage people from changing who they are, despite them clearly not being happy.

I will say though, OP, the bit about people telling you how relaxed you look and stuff is kind of over the top. I just can't imagine that being true. But people stepping out of your way and looking at you with respect, and having the desire to actually approach you? All of that is very true.*

See, that's the thing about that. It doesn't matter to me if you believe me or not; I'm confident 

Experienced it all myself. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone else. The only reason I'm back here to begin with is that I wanted to help people improve things for themselves. Only on this forum though, because they have to want to change in order to do change.

*It's the same reason why people should record themselves and view their body language and mannerisms, and learn a bit about themselves. See how the world views you, and make changes to appear more approachable.
Practicing how to smile and look relaxed in a mirror, and being aware of your facial expressions...all of this should be common sense stuff.

I think I've triumphed over my SA like, 90%. Last year I was at like, 20%. 
It's not until I started to fake it that I actually started to overcome it.
I hate small talk, but guess what? People love it. So I faked it. I pretend to care about small talk, I ask questions, I hide how bored I am by smiling and nodding my head, and engaging in small talk. Eventually, I started to enjoy small talk, and now it's not something I dread or have to fake; it's something I want. It's something I know I need to learn to enjoy if I ever want to find and maintain friends.

I often wonder if people with SA pretend to be introverts, or hate conversation, or whatever excuses they make, simply as a defense mechanism. Like, pretending you hate small talk gives you an excuse to not engage in it. But really, I think they just avoid it because they suck at it currently, so they convince themselves that small talk is beneath them. That it's useless, a waste of their time, for dumb people, etc. All just a coping mechanism.*

I think some of that is true. Which is why I don't even leave this forum when I come here. I was on here before, and that **** drove me off. I don't know how anyone can live like that for any long extent of time. I tried that, and I was only able to last like one night before I started looking for ways to get rid of this bull**** again, LOL.

*Thats how I use to feel, anyway.
I dont make up excuses for myself anymore, though.

People always laugh at and discredit topics like this. I think it's because the advice is so obvious and simple, that people mock it and dont take it seriously. The truth is there's 1000 easy ways to overcome social anxiety, and they are all super simple. Reality is most of the people on the forums haven't hit rock bottom so they aren't even willing to make easy, small changes, even if it means itll change their life.

It sounds like you're very strong-headed and set in your ways. Pretty much the worst type of mentality for anyone expecting to overcome this.*


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## Shari

Great idea. I am going to have to give this a try. It's amazing what little things can do.


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## ForeverStallone

So even though I posted that this has never done anything for me, I walked around and tried to exaggerate my walk a bit and sure enough, for a couple of days at least, I did notice some women take a last second glance at me when walking past me.

Sorta like this but not that exaggerated. 





I did get the imaginary lat syndrome thing going.

But this doesn't do much if you don't have the conversational skills or the ability to hold eye contact when talking to someone to back up this illusion of confidence you're portraying.


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## rymo

SadSack1987 said:


> Out of curiosity, have you read the rest of my posts in this thread? But yes, I'm stubborn in the extreme, and I revel in it. Knowing myself, if my intended approach does not work, I'll have to think long and hard whether to resort to fakeness - though only to reaffirm what I already know. It's a foregone conclusion. Honesty and stability are core values to me, while changing myself in fundamental ways in order to influence others just seems contemptible.
> 
> I don't think I'm a bad person as I am. My style may not have widespread appeal but it's genuine. I'd befriend someone like me, so I don't feel like a hypocrite and I'm not asking for anything I can't offer.
> 
> Regarding your question, yes, I'm sure many of us hate small talk. Personally, I don't see the use in it. I'm sure some SA sufferers are troubled extroverts but not many.


Jesus dude. Why are you even in the Triumphs section at all? Your negativity is toxic. You can be honest all you want. Good for you! Other people believe in the fake it until you become it mentality, and have had great results becoming more confident and happy people because of it. It has nothing to do with being untrue to yourself, or manipulating others (wtf?) and all to do with bringing out the real you that is buried underneath layers and layers of pessimism and self-doubt.

You say you've tried the confidence approach, but one doesn't just try being confident once or twice and magically everything is better. It takes lots and lots of trying and putting yourself out there and, most importantly, not giving up to acheive the type of mentality where external validation is only a bonus, not a liferaft.

Ultimately though, everything I said to you is meaningless because you're stuck in your ways. I get that. But just because you are so mired in your own way of thinking doesn't mean you have to pollute a positive thread with it.


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## millenniumman75

Well, small talk is a good start. It's safe and there isn't much of a chance of having a panic attack afterwards.

Faking confidence? You might as well work on the real thing.


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## AntiAnxiety

ForeverStallone said:


> So even though I posted that this has never done anything for me, I walked around and tried to exaggerate my walk a bit and sure enough, for a couple of days at least, I did notice some women take a last second glance at me when walking past me.
> 
> Sorta like this but not that exaggerated.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I did get the imaginary lat syndrome thing going.
> 
> But this doesn't do much if you don't have the conversational skills or the ability to hold eye contact when talking to someone to back up this illusion of confidence you're portraying.


Well, as I think I've said, it's not the masterkey to all of those locked doors in life, lol. The point is, this stuff makes you feel a certain way. And you've picked up on that a bit. You're not going to get better at social interactions without socially interacting though. There's no way around it.


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## Znuffle

SadSack1987 said:


> I don't care for projecting a false image. I'm going to walk as comes naturally.


Yea me to.. If I wanna be fake to get late.. I rather kill myself.


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## KatatonicPlanet

Nothing wrong with it. When I do so, I get a lot of attention from people and I don't mind at all. It's a good thing to do. It also puts you in the mindset that you can talk to whoever you want. Otherwise, I'd crawl up into my anxious self, worrying about the smallest **** when interacting with others ....


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## AntiAnxiety

Znuffle said:


> Yea me to.. If I wanna be fake to get late.. I rather kill myself.


That's the thing. You start running into dead ends when you start deciding what you will or will not do to get rid of this. You've got to be open to all possibilities or you will be making things very hard for yourself. It doesn't matter whether you drive home in an American car or an Asian car. Both methods involve you finishing at the same place.



KatatonicPlanet said:


> Nothing wrong with it. When I do so, I get a lot of attention from people and I don't mind at all. It's a good thing to do. It also puts you in the mindset that you can talk to whoever you want. Otherwise, I'd crawl up into my anxious self, worrying about the smallest **** when interacting with others ....


This is true ^_^


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## Arete

I try to do this and it works great, so it's a great thread! But there is one caveat. If you're acting like a douche and pushing old ladies or families off the sidewalk, then you're being arrogant not confident, and there's a big difference. So it was a great post, but I didn't like your example of people moving out of the way for you, unless you didn't mean it exactly that way. People shouldn't have to move anywhere if there's enough space on a sidewalk or area. And if there isn't enough space, then sometimes a civilized person should be the one who moves. I try to walk confidently like this, but I still find myself moving away for people quite often, sometimes even into the grass if it's simply the right thing to do.


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## AntiAnxiety

Arete said:


> I try to do this and it works great, so it's a great thread! But there is one caveat. If you're acting like a douche and pushing old ladies or families off the sidewalk, then you're being arrogant not confident, and there's a big difference. So it was a great post, but I didn't like your example of people moving out of the way for you, unless you didn't mean it exactly that way. People shouldn't have to move anywhere if there's enough space on a sidewalk or area. And if there isn't enough space, then sometimes a civilized person should be the one who moves. I try to walk confidently like this, but I still find myself moving away for people quite often, sometimes even into the grass if it's simply the right thing to do.


Well, the way you're taking that actually is not what I meant. I didn't mention that, because I thought it was kind of common sense, that's all, lol. I think I tried to say a little bit about this on one of the pages here, but maybe I should have expanded a bit more. I understand what you're saying about being a douche, but what keeps you from truly being one is being courteous as well. Smiling at people, saying hi to random people, and, most importantly, not forcing the elderly or children to change their path. This enriches your life as well as the lives of others. I understand some people aren't at that point of comfortability yet, but this is a start.

When I said that bit about people moving out of your path, that was solely to talk about the power of presence. I know a lot of people with SA feel irrelevant to the point of feeling invisible. No need to flex your muscles on old Aunt Mable who's just trying to get her morning exercise though, lol.


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## macrocosm

I can vouch for this. Everyone at my workplace walked like robots. Strike that, were people with perfect postures. I used to hunch. I didnt want to stand out so I began paying attention to my posture. Soon it became effortless. Instant confidence boost! Helps that im 5'9..The trick is to NOT STOP with trying to do this

To the person who posted this here, thumbs up


----------

