# Are relationships harder because of SA?



## angel_7745 (May 14, 2006)

I don't know about anyone else but I find it extremely difficult to have intimate relationships because of my SA. I've never actually had a boyfriend. I've had guys ask me out but I always end up saying yes and then disappointing them later by coming up with excuses for not going. I'm afraid that if I get into a relationship one or both of us will end up getting hurt and that he won't want to deal with my craziness due to my SA. I don't think its fair for me to get into a relationship with someone and then dump all this on them.

Does anyone else feel this way or has anyone overcome these feelings? If so, please share  

~Christina~


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## Mystic Pencil (Mar 6, 2006)

Hi Angel=) :squeeze
Your not alone here. I have MAJOR problems with relationships. I have no friends and no love life. I'm actually glad I don't because people that are close to me are going through alot with both. 

I think it's a mainstay for us people with SA. We always feel like we do the wrong or stupid thing or both. Or that people will find us awkward for anything at all.

I do the same thing you do. I'm gung-ho at first but then I think of what other people have done to others that are close to me and then anxiety and depression cause me to cancel the love joy.

Most times for me it's an omen because I find out later that the person wasn't worth it or wasn't my cup of tea.

Right now however I wish there was someone who would respect me no matter how bad I look. But I'd probably push them away too.

I'm sorry if this didn't help you. But I bleed for you even if I didn't share the same issue.

Luv N Hugs N Hope 4 U Angel
Mystic
:hide


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Yes, they're hard. I don't have any friends.


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

Yes, it's pretty obvious having SA would make relationships much, much harder, especially romantic relationships. I can't intiate physical contact with a girl because of it and thus have never had a girlfriend. I can go on dates, but I usually act uncomfortable and never make a move. Thus after a couple dates the girl gets tired of waiting and moves on. Unless I find an way to deal with my SA better I don't see how I could ever have a relationship with a girl.


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## saint liebowitz (Apr 17, 2004)

Writer81, just keep trying to get more comfortable, talk here in the forums... chat, go online, do what is the most comfortable for you to get more comfortable. I think that's what's helped me alot with talking to women and people in general.

And yeah, it makes it so much harder. Even today I am struggling with it all the time, and I have come pretty damn far. But it's still a struggle, get's easier and better though, I am so glad I have kept trying.

good luck all.

-C


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Zephyr said:


> Yes, they're hard. I don't have any friends.


Same here.


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Relationships are impossible with SA.


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## angel_7745 (May 14, 2006)

Mystic Pencil said:


> Hi Angel=) :squeeze
> Your not alone here. I have MAJOR problems with relationships. I have no friends and no love life. I'm actually glad I don't because people that are close to me are going through alot with both.
> 
> I think it's a mainstay for us people with SA. We always feel like we do the wrong or stupid thing or both. Or that people will find us awkward for anything at all.
> ...


Thanks for your reply, it does help  .

I push people away too. I've done it before and hurt people's feelings without meaning to. I hate doing that, and that's one of the reasons why I hate having SA.

I can't say I'm glad to have no love life, I would love to have a boyfriend. Hopefully I'll get there someday. 

~Christina~


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> Relationships are impossible with SA.


Extremely difficult, but not impossible. There are people on here that are in relationships who have SA. You have to work much, much harder than the average person, but its not impossible.


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## Jimi_Hendrix17 (Apr 14, 2006)

It's hard for me too. There have been girls I liked, but I never found a way to ask them out. I'm just too shy to get close to them. I never had a girlfriend yet. It's hard


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

I think it's difficult at first, in the initial stages, but I think it gets easier as you get more comfortable with the person. For me, at least, my SA is less when I'm in a comfortable situation. When I'm comfortable with a person that I know well, my SA is much better than if I'm in a room with strangers.

But getting beyond that stranger phase, that was hard.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> Relationships are impossible with SA.


I agree.

Some days when i feel better i don't see it as impossible but the days when i'm filled with anxiety there's no way i could start one or be a good partner because i feel like a different person compared to when i feel normal.

Maybe i should get someone that wants to be my partner certain days or like 2 days every week :con


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## SpringViolet (Oct 23, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> Relationships are impossible with SA.


Real ones anyway. Suxx.
I do great in email and IM.....in person? :fall Who wants to hang with a 3 year old?
And I want them so bad.
The worst part is people asking why I'm not married. How do I answer that?


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## Redstone (Feb 10, 2005)

Hello Angel,

It's hard trying to get along with people in normal day to day relationships let alone romantic ones. You'll find a lot of disappointments but I'm sure that one day someone will love you for who you are. :hug


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## TheTrickster (Nov 27, 2005)

i pretty much blame my SA for the faltering of the relationship before my last one, cause thats actually when it started getting really bad and i had panic attacks. 

although this last one was great! Just goes to show, you have to keep at it.


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## nairam (Jun 9, 2006)

yes it's really hard to get into a relationship when you have SA since having friends is a very big challenge for us what more with an intimate relationship...but when you finally find the right one for you and who would accept you for who you are, the feeling of awkwardness and worry about intimacy would eventually diminish...but you cannot meet that someone unless you try..


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## Partofme (May 23, 2004)

Heck yeah. SA keeps me inhibited. I've never actually dated...don't even freakin know what's out there! A guy I was with once called me a "closed book". I think that accurately described me. It makes me bottle up a lot of things and get confused A LOT. It is very frustrating maintaining any kind of stable relationship like this. 

Basically it's like an up and down rollercoaster of emotions. 

Wait a minute...I haven't met the right person yet. That is another reason. We have to see what's out there! Hopefully that will happen as we become more comfortable with ourselves (and what we want). We're young and we don't need to be in a serious relationship. That's how I feel.


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## Violette (Aug 21, 2005)

Hey Angel, l'm sure relationships are possible for us guys, we just need faith and courage. If you meet someone with anxiety it's a little easier. I had a date with such a guy, but l still have worries about him discovering how weird l am. You got to try anyway.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> Relationships are impossible with SA.


I respectfully disagree with that. I think relationships are about 1000 times harder with SA but not impossible.


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## biz_e (Nov 21, 2005)

I find I can say 'yes' to a date but then I panic on it and act like a vacant zombie 'cos I'm trying so hard to please them and not offend them no matter what. Since my SA has got bad, I've been dumped so many times after a month or two - always the same. And I heard that guys never dump girls unless they find them really weird. I hope I'm wrong there. 

It especially sucks 'cos I know I've met 'right' guys but they just can't see the real me and it's all my fault. Argh!


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## I hate people (Aug 12, 2010)

Just BE YOURSELF, follow your heart, live your life and when the right guy comes along trust me, you'll know 

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I love him more than anyone can imagine, it's so obvious that we were meant to be. Im lucky that we found each other, but having SA I can barely ever go out with him like to the mall or to a movie or even to the grocery store, and I honestly dont even know his family. Out of the whole 7 years I've only been to one of his family dinners. Sometimes it causes us to argue but he only argues beacuse it makes him sad, he really loves me and I can understand how not doing things like that with him could make him upset. But because he really loves me he totally understands he would never try and force me into a situation where'd I'd feel extremely uncomfortable. So with that said, it might be harder but its definitely possible to have a great relationship with somebody.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I hate people said:


> Just BE YOURSELF, follow your heart, live your life and when the right guy comes along trust me, you'll know


I'm sorry, but that is not advice. A lot of people here have been living their whole lives and the right woman never came along. Fairy tales are just that - the stuff of fairies.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I'm 23 and never had a relationship before even though I got some chances but we were either too immature (since when we were high school) or I graduate high school at 17 and since then.....nothing happened. 

My life right now is so uninteresting it's not funny.

Sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and just go to sleep and not wake up forever.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Is water wet?


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

This is my most pointless post ever. But.

Dudes, this thread is from 2006.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I think the hardest part is just getting into a relationship (For SA men). If we can get one, then I would imagine the rest would be easy. But I could and I probably am wrong about that.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

*Yes!!!*

Not _just_ potentially romantic relationships, but friends and family as well. This is my *BIGGEST* problem with SA. I _HAAAAAAAAATE_ IT! I feel like I should just leave people _alone_ sometimes, because I'm such a mess. They don't get me, *nor should they*. I *hate* it when I sense that I'm frustrating people, because of *stupid, flyin' SA*. Bad, bad, bad with a capital "B!"​
*AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!* *pulls out hair*

:bash​


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

My one relationship lasted almost 8 years; and in that time- he was with me through alot of the changes, development in my SA, health and mental issues and I'd have to say the reason I'm still alive is because I had his support through all of it-- as he had my support through his troubles as well. 

It might've been harder if he didn't know about my SA and I just sprang it on him one day- or distanced myself from him and didn't make an effort to put myself out there even though it was painful; to be with him in doing the things he liked to do.
Alot of time and effort went into that relationship.

I don't see myself in another relationship ever again, though.
It would be too difficult to try and start with someone from scratch. I take too long to trust someone and FAR longer to be intimate with someone. I doubt a grown man would bother to wait for me.
That's fine though. I've accepted that fact.


...this thread is OLD.
lol
oh well!


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

yes they are


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

The one girl I went out with (can't really call it a relationship considering how short it was) was also shy, which didn't help. Half the time I was wondering if she even liked me.


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## mismac (Oct 27, 2005)

For me, it's only hard when I have to spend time with his friends and family. 3 years and I'm still not comfortable with any of them :no


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## zpatter1 (Jul 20, 2010)

Lyric Suite said:


> Relationships are impossible with SA.


yup..pretty much this.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I disagree; they're not impossible. I would say that they're obviously a lot harder to come by, though definitely not impossible.

It was extremely difficult for me in the early days, after I had just met my boyfriend, because I had to fight all the urges to just run away and the feelings of incredible self-consciousness and thoughts of "when he gets to know me he'll discover what a freak I am", etc. It could have easily all just crumbled away at that stage but, he stuck with me and after we got through that part, things were great and (to my amazement, because I never thought I'd feel comfortable around anyone) anxiety-free. Getting there wasn't easy though, and there were times I had to cancel plans and felt totally worthless because I felt too physically ill from anxiety to even meet up with him.

There have been a few minor issues down the road because of my SA, i.e. me not wanting to participate in get-togethers with his friends, feeling extremely anxious around his parents, when we order takeaways or go out somewhere me trying to get out of being the one to take care of things (although I've actually gotten better with this recently), but it's ultimately a very good, healthy relationship. I really appreciate what I now have and the fact that I have him around, maybe moreso because I had previously been alone for so long and because of what I had been through.

It all comes down to whether you've found someone you're genuinely compatible with, I think. Without that a relationship is going to be hard regardless if you have SA or not. If my boyfriend was someone who liked to socialise often, was more of an extrovert and didn't like a lot of 'own' time himself, I can imagine that it would all be too stressful for me (probably him too) to cope with, because our lifestyles would clash in so many ways. As it is, everything just seems to work fine because although he doesn't have SA himself, he's not too big on socialising and when we're together, we're happy to just spend time together at home; there's no pressure to always be out doing things or being around other people, which I would struggle with. But it's obviously the issue of getting out there and meeting people in the first place that makes the whole prospect difficult for most of us sa sufferers.

Overall, it's a very happy, honest, healthy relationship. But I still can't socialise with others to save my life... it's weird that you can have zero friends and yet have a romantic partner, but that's how it ended up for me.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

The only way I could ever see myself with a relationship is meeting someone in the work force. Working along side someone exchanging conversation, and since you're both bored you're sort of forced into discussing things which makes it so much easier meeting people.


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## Superwoman (Aug 17, 2010)

Difficult but not impossible.
I have been with my partner for a while now, we met online which made it a lot easier for me as we chatted for months before actually meeting and so slightly easier on the first meeting. He is the best thing that has happend to me. The biggest issue I have is not being able to say "I love you" to him. I Love him so much but I cant say it I get so anxious / nervous and this annoys him.
He is my only friend :blush I wish I could have more friends.


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## serenity2125 (Dec 12, 2009)

I definitely think relationships are harder because of SA. The hardest part I have found is trying to find someone who understands or someone who won't get mad at you because you have panic attacks and get nervous in public.


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## I hate people (Aug 12, 2010)

vicente said:


> I'm sorry, but that is not advice. A lot of people here have been living their whole lives and the right woman never came along. Fairy tales are just that - the stuff of fairies.


Obvioulsy you didn't get what I was trying to say...


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## AliceSanKitchen (Aug 31, 2010)

Well it was really hard for me. I was with the wrong person. Lets say a situation happened, and i responded with anxiety, i basically got the being treated like a freak treatment. i must have been really afraid of being alone because i put up with alot of crap.


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## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

Relationships are definitely harder for guys with SA.


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## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

I hate people said:


> Just BE YOURSELF, follow your heart, live your life and when the right guy comes along trust me, you'll know


Easy for you to say!


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

Socially Anxious said:


> Relationships are definitely harder for guys with SA.


it's an issue for guys *only*


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Might have been said already but...isn't _everything_ harder, if you suffer from social anxiety?


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Wow this thread is olddddd.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I hate people said:


> Just BE YOURSELF, follow your heart, live your life and when the right guy comes along trust me, you'll know


What if you're a guy? I've probably crossed paths with many great women but I failed to get with them because I never approached them. :blush :afr


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## ivankaramazov (Aug 22, 2009)

They're damn near impossible for me. I'm very good at approaching women and talking to them, but I do it using a persona that is complete bull****. I often find myself in a situation where the girl really likes me but I don't want to be around her because constantly putting on the charade becomes a chore that I can't keep up.

I've tried being more true in how I present myself, but as soon as I'm talking to a girl it's like another gear kicks in and I can't stop it.


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## jennlynne5 (Aug 6, 2010)

It is harder. I've only had one relationship. My advice is: become really good friends with someone first and also let them know all about your SA before even thinking about turning it into a romantic relationship. I talked to my future husband for 6 months online before we met in person. I told him EVERYTHING about me, all my issues and craziness. I told him I won't be good for him, he should find someone better, I lashed out at him sometimes, etc. Still...incredibly he kept pursuing me. So, if it's the right person they will understand and still accept and love you.


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## Maladapted Sharkbait (Dec 7, 2009)

My SA doesn't interfere with any of my relationships actually, even romantic ones.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

I hate people said:


> Just BE YOURSELF, follow your heart, live your life and when the right guy comes along trust me, you'll know


Unfortunately the above statement cannot be inverted for guys.


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## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Unfortunately the above statement cannot be inverted for guys.


Yeah, we can't just wait for the right girl to come along.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Socially Anxious said:


> Yeah, we can't just wait for the right girl to come along.


I mean it _can_ happen, but A)its rare and B) the type of girl to do the approaching may (yes, MAY, drop your pitchforks) have ulterior motives.


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## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> I mean it _can_ happen, but A)its rare and B) the type of girl to do the approaching may (yes, MAY, drop your pitchforks) have ulterior motives.


Or she may be a ***** that'll infect me with an STD.


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## Lumi (Aug 21, 2010)

Yes but also that I am so odd all the ways...


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