# What do women think of guys who became friends with them just so they could start..



## joseph1170 (Apr 18, 2012)

What do women think of guys who became friends with them just so they can try to start a romantic relationship with them and are still trying to start a romantic relationship with her throughout the friendship? If a guys only purpose to be friends with a woman is to have a romantic relationship with her do women consider this wrong? What do women think of guys who are persistent like this?


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

,


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

niacin said:


> If the guy only sees the friendship as a gateway to a sexual relationship then that's messed up.


This. I'd prefer it if all my friendship started off as something "neutral". I don't want to be wooed or seduced or whatever, I like to get to know people before deciding whether there'd be a chance for something more or not.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I personally wouldn't do that. I think its best to make your intentions clear. 

Now if you mean that you approach a girl for a sexual relationship and the 2 of you become friends then I don't know what the answer would be to that


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

joseph1170 said:


> What do women think of guys who became friends with them just so they can try to start a romantic relationship with them and are still trying to start a romantic relationship with her throughout the friendship?


Sketchy and misguided?

I don't think anyone gets to choose who to become friends with, really. Friendship starts with mutual interest and then a real connection. If you wouldn't keep on pestering a male acquaintance who's disinterested in your friendship, don't keep on pestering a female acquaintance who's just as disinterested - especially not if you're doing this in the hope that she'll want to be your girlfriend one day.

Of course, you can always ignore this advice and then start complaining about "friend zone" when you get burned. I mean, if there's anything SAS has taught us it's that women are no-good opportunists created by God to ruin the lives of men everywhere.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

It's happened to me a few times, the second two times I had a boyfriend and one of them still kept pursuing me anyway, despite his false claims of being a 'friend' =_=


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I think it would be acceptable if you made that your intention from the beginning, otherwise that's a manipulative tactic.


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

I don't like it, this is why I don't really make new friends because you never know the intentions of the other person. I especially hate when they "think" they can be better than your boyfriend/husband.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

I can't say on behalf of women, but I think that's seriously a bad idea. If you're secure enough in yourself, you would'nt have to do this in the first place.. Why would you do this?

If you want to be friends with a woman before you want to get closer, then first show your good side just enough for her to like you, and then put Down your boundaries. Be honest, people in general love that. 
Who knows? If she likes the idea herself, you might end up having a million great dates because you're both looking to do the same approach to dating.


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## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

God made sex so we would start relationships with the other sex !


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> Sketchy and misguided?
> 
> I don't think anyone gets to choose who to become friends with, really. Friendship starts with mutual interest and then a real connection. If you wouldn't keep on pestering a male acquaintance who's disinterested in your friendship, don't keep on pestering a female acquaintance who's just as disinterested - especially not if you're doing this in the hope that she'll want to be your girlfriend one day.
> 
> Of course, you can always ignore this advice and then start complaining about "friend zone" when you get burned. I mean, if there's anything SAS has taught us it's that women are no-good opportunists created by God to ruin the lives of men everywhere.


:yes:yes:yes


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Alienated said:


> God made sex so we would start relationships with the other sex !


Cool story, bro.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Amphoteric said:


> I'd prefer it if all my friendship started off as something "neutral". I don't want to be wooed or seduced or whatever, I like to get to know people before deciding whether there'd be a chance for something more or not.


+1

Though there are those times you meet a stranger and there is that instant attraction that happens


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

SilentLuke said:


> I think it would be acceptable if you made that your intention from the beginning, otherwise that's a manipulative tactic.


Yea its pretty simple, this is how i view it. Be honest with each other.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

If a girl makes it clear she's not interested persisting gets awkward. Just saying... I have never been pursued like that but I've watched friends go through that. And they are indeed hurt when the guy gets angry that they don't feel the same way. When they thought a real friendship was there. 

That said, I can't say I have a problem with it personally as long as the guy doesn't act out if the interest isn't mutual. I'm the same way, I can't help but be nice to the guys I find attractive (I like kind/funny types of guys) and yes I'll usually pursue some types of friendship with them.

That said I know they're not interested in me. And usually I get hurt when they distance though I'm sure they never know that I am actually hurt. Because I try and keep it to myself.


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

The thing is, they don't know if the guy is doing that or not. Hes not just gonna come out and say, hey i'm only going to be friends with you so I can get in your pants later. He'll say stuff but then when it fails, be like "ah I was just joking around".


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

FoundAndLost said:


> Well, I guess it's my fault for allowing myself to get to that point of attachment. It really would have helped if you would have told me sooner. I still don't understand why you never told me that you met him? That is what made me feel deceived and mistrustful. I knew you didn't have many friends so I didn't want to just leave. I also figured it would be nice to know someone else with SA. I thought I could be just friends, but I just kept liking you more and more, and I was kinda afraid to tell you about it, because I knew what would happen and I figured that you knew anyway. A relationship wasn't my sole mission, but I couldn't help but feel that way about you. Yeah it was wrong what I asked. That was something I asked stupidly out of jealousy, but I also didn't appreciate the question I was asked in return. ( Which is why I got defensive and told you not to turn it around on me ). That felt like a personal attack on my integrity and I think you know me well enough to know that I'm not that way.


This reminds me of some of the last 7 girls I've chatted with, both online and real life friends/coworkers. I really don't understand why some girls hide the fact that they already have a boyfriend or are currently interested in another guy, instead they'll lead me on and tell me I'm attractive and fun to talk to. Am I being paranoid in thinking it's some sort of test? That's why I've started not beating around the bush and just bluntly ask them sometimes, that way they can be like, oh you were only interested in me romantically, I guess I don't even wanna be your friend. Well it works both ways actually, and you should be grateful for his honesty--Oh no woe is you, someone else is attracted to you... :roll 
How will you ever recover from that awkward situation of being attractive both personality wise and physically to your male friends who are single.

I have no qualms just being friends with anyone, granted they don't fake flirt with me combined with the lying. Being deceived like this so many times over the past few years has chipped away my ability to even trust a girl nowadays it seems.

It's whatever, most men with SA eventually just say screw it and become the very thing they despise. They become so jaded that they don't even believe people anymore and this in turn does more damage than good, because when a girl actually genuinely likes him and tries to give subtle hints that she does, he'll disregard them and chalk it up to as another siren moment based on his past experiences. This is immature and quite foolish mind you, yet he is only human and how can you blame him? If it happens over and over again with the same outcome, our brain eventually sends signals screaming that it must be so.

I know not everyone is like this, yet MOST people are.
Just my 2 cents.

(please don't flame me, I don't want any trouble, I don't trust anyone period. I was just illustrating the mentality of the horrible person I am. ^^ Takecare. )

( Listen to Chris Rock - Platonic Friends, it's funny cause it's for the most part true. Sadly.)


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

I used to know a guy who flat out told me that he only befriended women whom he secretly hoped would sleep with him eventually. He was always complaining about never having any romantic luck with the ladies, so apparently that tactic doesn't work out so well. Probably because it's pretty dishonest and a bit creepy.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

I'm 40 and I will tell you exactly why many women do this, and none will ever admit it. It's because there is something else they are getting from the guy that is beyond the "friendship", they already know where they guy's interest is (even if he hasn't outright said it), and they know if they spill the beans on the quiet little thing they have going on with another guy that isn't "official" yet, the friend guy will go running for the hills & they will lose whatever value they did get along with him.



Malek said:


> This reminds me of some of the last 7 girls I've chatted with, both online and real life friends/coworkers. I really don't understand why some girls hide the fact that they already have a boyfriend or are currently interested in another guy, instead they'll lead me on and tell me I'm attractive and fun to talk to. Am I being paranoid in thinking it's some sort of test?


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## Larry Darrell (Jun 14, 2013)

Strange occurrences I must say.

Every single girl I have encountered who had a boyfriend made sure she mentioned him within the first five minutes of interacting with me. The only one who didn't, I always suspected had a crush on me.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

It's heartbreaking when you actually care about someone as a friend, but they want more and then you can't even be friends with them anymore. It really sucks. To pretend to be a friend while scheming about getting into someone's pants is pretty low and it's detectable. It's generally easy to pick out a person who's only acting like your friend to get something from you.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

SilentLuke said:


> *I think it would be acceptable if you made that your intention from the beginning, otherwise that's a manipulative tactic.*


Pretty much this.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

FoundAndLost said:


> Why would I flame you? I'll admit, I tried to rush things with someone that I had nothing in common with and I knew she was way too good for a me. I then got jealous when I found out she was with someone else. She was my favorite person and was more important to me than anyone else I know and now she hates me like everyone does. I now have no one I'm close with. That's the gist of it really.


Oh that request wasn't directed at you, it was just a general request to anyone who might be offended by my opinion.

Hang in there man... You have to.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

diamondheart89 said:


> It's heartbreaking when you actually care about someone as a friend, but they want more and then you can't even be friends with them anymore. It really sucks. To pretend to be a friend while scheming about getting into someone's pants is pretty low and it's detectable. It's generally easy to pick out a person who's only acting like your friend to get something from you.


If it's so easy to detect, why keep them around?


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

gunner21 said:


> If it's so easy to detect, why keep them around?


It becomes hard if you actually care about the person. Then you're stuck with having to cut off someone who is taking advantage of your platonic feelings for them. There are other types of love and caring than just romantic.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

I think everyone will agree when I say that a bf-gf have to be good friends with each other. Pretty sure that's a requirement.

So, I don't see what's so bad about becoming friends first, and then something more later on, seeing that being friends is on of they key requirements for being in a relationship.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Most guys who just want sex (or sex + more) but are too scared to tell the girl straight up will take the indirect approach by forcing a "friendship". That's where 'intentions' become misconstrued. So when the guy finally reveals his attraction to her, one of two things happen: Either she reciprocates his attraction to her, or she doesn't. The problem lies in the reaction to the revelation of the unrequited attraction. Most guys will get sad/angry at the girl for not having mutual feelings. It's an embarrassment to his manhood. (I know this, because I went through it.)

I've learned to become neutral with women, including those I'm sexually attracted to. I'm okay if a girl I find attractive doesn't find me attractive. I'm smart enough to know that a friendship with a girl has no bearing on whether that girl is into me sexually or not, so I don't let it affect me.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Most guys who just want sex (or sex + more) but are too scared to tell the girl straight up will take the indirect approach by forcing a "friendship". That's where 'intentions' become misconstrued. So when the guy finally reveals his attraction to her, one of two things happen: Either she reciprocates his attraction to her, or she doesn't. The problem lies in the reaction to the revelation of the unrequited attraction. Most guys will get sad/angry at the girl for not having mutual feelings. It's an embarrassment to his manhood. (I know this, because I went through it.)
> 
> I've learned to become neutral with women, including those I'm sexually attracted to. I'm okay if a girl I find attractive doesn't find me attractive. I'm smart enough to know that a friendship with a girl has no bearing on whether that girl is into me sexually or not, so I don't let it affect me.


This is the very reason I am always upfront.

I don't wait for this big buildup, it's not fair to me and it certainly isn't fair to her.

I think it is sneaky, underhanded, and gross tbqh.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

gunner21 said:


> I think everyone will agree when I say that a bf-gf have to be good friends with each other. Pretty sure that's a requirement.
> 
> So, I don't see what's so bad about becoming friends first, and then something more later on, seeing that being friends is on of they key requirements for being in a relationship.


It's no problem if it happens naturally, but the OP is talking about befriending a women with full intent on getting in her pants from the jump.

To me, that just reeks of deception.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

The Phantom Pain said:


> It's no problem if it happens naturally, but the OP is talking about befriending a women with full intent on getting in her pants from the jump.
> 
> To me, that just reeks of deception.


No, he didn't. The OP is referring to entering a relationship and not just "getting in her pants".

Anyways, how would one determine if it happens naturally or if it was on purpose? :sus


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Listen to urself OP.Does "right" or "wrong" really exist?

If a guy starts a friendship with a girl because he wants to date her or get in her pants I don't see why that's unfavourable.I mean people have such low standards when it comes to sex.Most women have slept with a guy and then kicked him to the curb for whatever reason b4. Most women have had a fwb.If a guy starts a friendship just for sex, big deal?Most women are heart breakers anyway.Why can't a guy be a heartbreaker? The rule of the day for many is USE USE USE.So it's one of those use and be used type deals and a battle of sexes. Don't diss guys for using women for sex when women use guys for many things as well...


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## Tu Cielo (Jun 5, 2011)

Then they are seeking a relationship for the wrong reasons. It's fine that a guy is interested in a girl whom he is friends with, but for that to be the sole reason he is friends with her is just plain wrong. Not only is he doing wrong towards the girl, but he is also doing a disservice to himself. He will try pursuing a girl who is probably not interested in him and then end up heartbroken when she doesn't return his feelings, putting strain on the whole friendship. And this goes the same way for a girl trying to be friends with a guy out of hopes for a potential relationship. Can't people just be friends and leave it at that? 

I've had a handful of guys try to be friends with me and still try to pursue me when I've told them that I have a boyfriend. They'll be like "Oh well we can be friends and maybe you'll break up with your boyfriend and then we can be together." Or they will stop talking to me altogether, leaving me confused and my feelings hurt when I figure out they only wanted to be friends with me to get with me. 

So, generally, not a good idea.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Sounds manipulative and stupid.


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## dair (Jan 23, 2013)

I think that's a pretty bad idea. You should only be friends with someone because you like who they are as a person and you want to be their friend. If something else develops though, its not like you can help it.

I'm not saying that people who like someone shouldn't be friends with them and try to get a relationship though. I'm attracted to most of the girls I know, so am I just not supposed to have girl friends? Nope. I make girl friends, for the purpose of having a friendship and don't expect to get a relationship.



> "Oh well we can be friends and maybe you'll break up with your boyfriend and then we can be together."


Just wanted to say that this is horrible.



> *Or they will stop talking to me altogether*, leaving me confused and my feelings hurt when I figure out they only wanted to be friends with me to get with me.


But this is not necessarily always the case. They could like who you are as a person, and even value your friendship just as much or more. But some people have a hard time maintaining friendships with people they like. Its hard for some people to like someone, and know for a fact that they're not interested, or it isn't going to work out the way they want.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

gunner21 said:


> No, he didn't. The OP is referring to entering a relationship and not just "getting in her pants".
> 
> *Anyways, how would one determine if it happens naturally or if it was on purpose?* :sus


The guys intent determines that. If he want's a relationship and not just a friendship, he should just make it clear from that start rather than hiding it like a weasel.

All that's doing is prolonging the rejection and most of the time the rejected one discontinues the friendship anyway. So don't you think it's best to just get that out of the way and avoid the heartache?


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

...


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

If you do that then you must be the worst lover ever. Like you would fail at kissing cuddling etc. What a loser.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Tu Cielo said:


> Then they are seeking a relationship for the wrong reasons. It's fine that a guy is interested in a girl whom he is friends with, but for that to be the sole reason he is friends with her is just plain wrong. Not only is he doing wrong towards the girl, but he is also doing a disservice to himself. He will try pursuing a girl who is probably not interested in him and then end up heartbroken when she doesn't return his feelings, putting strain on the whole friendship. And this goes the same way for a girl trying to be friends with a guy out of hopes for a potential relationship. *Can't people just be friends and leave it at that? *
> 
> I've had a handful of guys try to be friends with me and still try to pursue me when I've told them that I have a boyfriend. They'll be like "Oh well we can be friends and maybe you'll break up with your boyfriend and then we can be together." Or they will stop talking to me altogether, leaving me confused and my feelings hurt when I figure out they only wanted to be friends with me to get with me.
> 
> So, generally, not a good idea.


I don't know why it's so hard for people. For me, it's easy. I just value friendships. I don't require anything more. If it leads to sex and/or a relationship, then that's just icing on the cake.


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## starsonfire (May 28, 2013)

In my opinion, it's annoying when people try to play games like that. You like someone and want to be more than friends with them? Act like it from the start, compliment them, flirt with them, don't ever say things like "I only like you as a friend" and etc. This way you at least have a chance that they'll consider you as a potential date. It's understandable being shy, but if you're going to pretend you just want to be friends, you're only making it worse for yourself. And what happens when they start dating someone else, do you immediately stop being their friend?


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

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## Mugen Souls (Jun 3, 2013)

Not to mean, but it screams creepo. Just come out with it if you want a romantic relationship. Don't play games.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

niacin said:


> I don't think there's anything wrong with working from a friendship (especially understandable for a guy who has SA) and trying to blossom it into more, but if a guy drops her like a hot pan because she wants to remain friends then that's f*cked up.


It's hard for a guy to remain friends with a woman he's attracted to, who rejected him.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

diamondheart89 said:


> It's generally easy to pick out a person who's only acting like your friend to get something from you.


Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Malek said:


> This reminds me of some of the last 7 girls I've chatted with, both online and real life friends/coworkers. I really don't understand why some girls hide the fact that they already have a boyfriend or are currently interested in another guy, instead they'll lead me on and tell me I'm attractive and fun to talk to.


Those girls are probably unsatisfied by the relationship they're in or just lonely and insecure. You make them feel good about themselves, but they're not actually interested in you. They're interested in the positive attention you give them.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

niacin said:


> I don't hate you :/


wait.. what did I miss? this thread is getting weird.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

FoundAndLost said:


> Especially if that woman is with someone else. How is one supposed to live with that constant heartbreak and jealousy? After going through this 3 times in a row, I've learned my lesson


I know what you mean, man. Yeah it's hard. Maybe after time passes, but really, are you ever going to be close friends? That's how I look at it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Beingofglass said:


> wait.. what did I miss? this thread is getting weird.


Niacin and FoundandLost have a history.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

srschirm said:


> Niacin and FoundandLost have a history.


Yea I thought so, but ..why in the public threads :sus


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I am not sure which is worse. But pretending a friend is always wrong. No matter of a reason, it simple is wrong.

Also pretending love or caring is wrong.

Just be genuine people to find something real.


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## Mussolini (Jun 5, 2013)




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## TerrySad (Jun 24, 2013)

Lol, once I liked a girl, but told her I didn't want to date her, then we both realized it is not so, but nothing changed really. Then I realized I just wanted her sexually, not like a gf, coz she was a cut-throat ***** lol. I was 16 and she was about 22 so and she needed to get married to get a status, so nothing worked between us. She just married some guy. And she is happy with him I guess.


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## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

I like this girl, we work together. I always tell her she looks cut and stuff. I am not sure if she likes me or not. I think my intentions are pretty clear, but we work together.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

It's annoying, but usually very obvious.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

looks like some interweb forum dramalama went down in here, oh dear. 

I think most guys eventually turn this way, unless they are not attracted to the girl at all, unless a guy comes out all suggestive straight out the gate, then hes probably not that devious. although I admit there are some really creepy guys out there, but they generally send a D pic within the first week.

excess winky faces are a good sign of said guy. infact I would just keep away from people who use a lot of winkie's in general. they are bad people.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

So .... in what way is this being creepy ?
After all, you can't immediately become boyfriend and girlfriend from your first encounter.

Many of the female posters here say that pursuing friendship as a prelude to a relationship is somehow deceptive or creepy ..

But really it all boils down to whether or not YOU like the man back.

Surely you women have heard of married couples who started of as "high school friends" part of "a group of friends" or the likes.

If a (as girls would say .. hot) guy wants to get to know you, and you like him back; then one day he asks you to be his girlfriend, and you jump into his arms and say "i've been waiting for you to ask me"... would you then say he was lying to you the whole time.

Short of stalking and throwing a temper tantrum at being rejected ... there is nothing underhand about a man wanting to get to know a woman on friendly terms first before trying something serious ?

It's all context. Saying "he's just being my friend to get into my panties" gives a different impression than "he wants to get to know you better before making a relationship commitment"


My girlfriend has told me many times, that if I had just jumped of the bat and said "let's date" the first time we met .... she'd have probably blown me off, and invented an imaginary boyfriend story. 

My girlfriend and I were friends for a whole year, seeing different people before we started dating.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

VIncymon hits the nail on the head.

I have no problem with women rejecting a guy who was their "friend," because they aren't attracted to him, or they don't want to ruin the friendship or even a vague "they don't feel the chemistry." There are simply times when no matter how much the other person likes you, you don't feel the same way. There is nothing wrong with that.

However what I hate with a passion is this idea that the guy was a creep, was being manipulative, was only being a friend to get sex.

Women think that when they have a male friend asking them out it means "he just wants to get into her pants."

Ladies let me clearify something for you. ALL MEN WANT TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS! Every last one of them, all day, everyday. The only difference from the male friend asking you out, and all the other guys who are trying to get into your pants is, the male friend actually likes you on a level deeper than just the fact that you have a vagina. That's the guy that even if you reject him, you should still thank him for being a good guy.

If infuriates me to hear women talk about how a guy friend asking them out was being a creep, you're punishing someone for being nice to you BEFORE he tried to date you, your calling someone names because he got to know you and became your friend and likes you so much he just wants to spend more time with you, and your saying that is a bad thing&#8230; *AND YOU THINK HE'S THE BAD GUY IN THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Meanwhile that guy who hits on you at the bar and tries to get you to sleep with him before learning your name, what is he? A hero?

When women make a habit of insulting people whose only crime is liking them too much, they create a culture where people don't want to like them at all.

This is why we can't have nice things.


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

I'm not a girl, but I imagine I'd be pretty pissed. Be friends with someone if you want to be friends with them, because you like them as a person. If your interests in someone are purely romantic or sexual, that's fine, but let them know that from the start.

Anything else is deceitful and pretty disgusting, whether it's done by a guy or a girl (though I suppose it might be more of an issue for girls).


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> All men want to get into your pants? Really? Wow. Looks like every woman can just head on out there and hook up with anyone they want to now, even their ultimate dream guy because every guy wants to get into their pants. Yeaaaah, doesn't quite work like that.


Your right, it was unfair for me to say all men want to get into your pants.

All men do not want to get into your pants. JUST THE ONES WHO ASK YOU OUT!

But you can't have it both ways. You can't complain "why don't nice guys ask me" out and then complain that your friend asked you out because all he cares about is sex.

No, every guy who asks you out cares about sex, the difference between the guy who is your friend asking you out is he cares about MORE than JUST sex, but you ladies make HIM the bad guy. While the other guys who ONLY care about sex... I guess their the good guys.

And what does that create? Nice guys complaining that girls only want to date jerks... so what do they become "jerks" and they go out and hit on girls just to get sex, why? because it works (or at least more than being their friends first). And the cycle goes on and on.

Believe me, I am not saying guys who complain about the Friendzone are "blameless" they aren't, but the ladies aren't "blameless" either.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

I don't see where you're getting the accusations of being a creep/'bad guy' is just for asking a female friend to be in a relationship with you but the assumption that players at a bar are automatically called heroic types by women. It's not always that clear cut - sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

Players that constantly hit on women at bars are also called creeps/pervs by other people too, and those male friends that ask female friends to become more than just platonic friends but are rejected can still be respected as friends - if the female friend runs off then that's her problem but if both parties remain friends then maybe they're not on the same page and could reach a mutual understanding of what their friendship/relationship is at. 

Yes, it's biological of us to be attracted to a partner of our desired gender and there should be no shame in seeking that biological fulfilment. That being said the actions of one individual should not be a reflection of an entire gender.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> I don't see where you're getting the accusations of being a creep/'bad guy' is just for asking a female friend to be in a relationship with you but the assumption that players at a bar are automatically called heroic types by women. It's not always that clear cut - sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.


I'm not suggesting it is clear cut at all. I am suggestion that "creep" is determined by the attraction the female feels for the male, and actually has very little to do with his actions (maybe charm).

If a female is attracted to a male "friend" and the male friend asks her out, then that is the fairy tale story she has always dreamed of. If the female is not attracted to the male friend HE is told HE DID SOMETHING WRONG in liking her.

Please note in BOTH cases the good looking male and the not good looking male did the exact same thing, met a woman, became friends, grew to like her, and then asked her out, but when the girl is mutually attracted to the guy people say it is a fairy tale story, when the girl is NOT attracted to the guy..

THE GUY IS A BAD PERSON FOR RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP! THE GUY IS A CREEP FOR NOT ASKING HER OUT WHEN THEY FIRST MET! THE GUY IS A PERV WHO JUST WANTS SEX!!!

I use the jerk at the club as an example that those guys ARE real creeps but if they are attractive, no one calls them creeps. A "creep" tends to be a guy that is attracted to a girl who the girl does not feel the same way. The "action" of the guy seems to have nothing to do with being a creep.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

So, let me get this straight.

If a man asks a girl out right away without getting to know her, he's a perv and only wants to get her pants.

If a man gets to know a girl first as a friend, and then asks her out, he is being deceitful and creepy?

What's a man to do? lol.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> So, let me get this straight.
> 
> If a man asks a girl out right away without getting to know her, he's a perv and only wants to get her pants.
> 
> ...


U forgot the part were if he doesn't do anything he's forever alone


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm guessing the issue is when male friends ask you out and after you say you aren't interested, they get angry or decide not to be friends anymore.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

Maybe I'm the crazy one here, but don't guys like to get to know someone first before asking them out? Unless you are out just for sex which most people do at bars and the like. How can you NOT get to know them and know you want a relationship??

Unless I'm misunderstanding, the women in the thread that are saying getting to know a girl or being friends with a girl first then asking her out is wrong??

That just sounds ridiculous to me. :sus


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## starsonfire (May 28, 2013)

gunner21 said:


> So, let me get this straight.
> 
> If a man asks a girl out right away without getting to know her, he's a perv and only wants to get her pants.
> 
> ...


Getting to know someone is a natural part of dating and it's not the same as friendship. As long as there's sexual tension and flirting, it's not friendship. If a woman is interested in you from the start, she doesn't want to wait forever for you to ask her out. In fact, if you take too long, she might lose interest or become interested in someone else. Of course, it doesn't mean you should approach some woman on the street and say "hi, will you go out with me". It's weird and too sudden. Obviously you start by just talking, but there is a clear difference between that and pretending to be a friend and lying about your intentions and showing zero romantic interest.


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## Introspect (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm a guy.

reading the amount of judgemental comments is about this is very disheartening. 
for most of my life i have been this way, and its only in the last 4-5 years I've become more and more straight forward. 

i would treat girls im attracted to like a friend, or be friendly. that was my way of approaching a romantic interest. it had nothing to do with manipulation or scheming. i simply had a shell to come out of with this disorder and rejection fear. It was also more than just fear, its because i don't get find conventional dating appealing, it doesn't excite me and it just doesn't satisfy me on an emotional level. i love excitement, unconventional themes. for me i think i would get this in slower moving approaches, with some ambiguity in a mutual attraction. it's never been about sex. 

nowadays i am more straight forward, but i still keep far away from conventional wine-and-dine dating.

so is pursuing a romantic interest in a friend-like approach wrong? No. it depends upon the context. if a person is scheming or pursuing a woman for sex and has no interest in partnering up as a friend or lover or even dating then its wrong, that would be manipulative. otherwise, there are just people who like to familiarise themselves slowly, and in a friendship like way with a person first. sometimes that might be even more noble than just approaching a woman because of how she looks. 

in the end, people have different ways and expectations. we shouldn't be so ready to judge each other for being different.


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

It doesn't really bother me. You can tell anyways. There's an insincerity in the way they express themselves when around you, or they'll like say anything they think you want to hear. 

It's a bit patronizing, though, when they think you don't know their intentions. Ultimately the girl has the last word on whether to see you as anything more than a friend or not, so they can keep the game up.


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## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

Befriending people is great and for me it is the only true type of attraction. I never understood cold approaches, it is the shallowest type of interactions. "I see you a couple of minutes, don't know jack about you, but my dick/vagina tells me you must be a fascinating character". Super. 

I am not attracted to a guy I never talk to. I develop feelings for people I get to know, for guys I consider friends enough to talk to them on a regular basis. Else, they mean nothing to me. So at first, I never feel nothing much for people I don't know. I don't befriend people hoping for something else, I am too jaded for that. And if they reject me, it is my problem, not theirs. I never got angry at guys who rejected me while still wanting to be my friends. Doesn't mean I remained their friend, but I didn't yell at them for wanting things to remain the same. 

One was clueless enough to tell me the day after he rejected me, "pffff I don't get why it is never the pretty ones who are into me". He was like 17, young and stupid, it hurt like hell but I didn't start to think all men are scum either. It just happens. It's life, it's a part of human interactions.


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

Phalene said:


> Befriending people is great and for me it is the only true type of attraction. I never understood cold approaches, it is the shallowest type of interactions. "I see you a couple of minutes, don't know jack about you, but my dick/vagina tells me you must be a fascinating character". Super.
> 
> I am not attracted to a guy I never talk to. I develop feelings for people I get to know, for guys I consider friends enough to talk to them on a regular basis. Else, they mean nothing to me. So at first, I never feel nothing much for people I don't know. I don't befriend people hoping for something else, I am too jaded for that. And if they reject me, it is my problem, not theirs. I never got angry at guys who rejected me while still wanting to be my friends. Doesn't mean I remained their friend, but I didn't yell at them for wanting things to remain the same.
> 
> One was clueless enough to tell me the day after he rejected me, "pffff I don't get why it is never the pretty ones who are into me". He was like 17, young and stupid, it hurt like hell but I didn't start to think all men are scum either. It just happens. It's life, it's a part of human interactions.


I thought I saw one of your posts in this thread here. I was beginning to think that the "women can't make up their mind" cliche was starting to rear its head in this thread, but after reading some posts in this thread and some in the one I linked to, I think it just comes down to the individual(s). Some people prefer being asked out right away due to just wanting or getting that click at the moment, and some prefer to start their relationship as a friendship to see if something truly clicks after a while.

So guys who want to start out as friends, just remember that you an just as easily be rejected by chicks who you start out with as friends just as you could get rejected by asking someone out you barely know. It's just that the guys wanting to start out as friends have to invest a bit, and it can add up to the same amount of gain as just asking out immediately: nothing.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't understand why it's necessary to wait to try for a kiss.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

This thread is hurting my head. .____.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

So long as the guy knows how to take no for an answer if that's how the woman feels, I don't there's anything wrong with forming a friendship and hoping it could turn into something more. Too much persistence becomes harassment though, and that should always be kept in mind. If at the end you are friends then you've made a friend. Nothing wrong with that.


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## MissyH (Jul 31, 2013)

Guys do this? Hmmm...seeing my bf in a new light. grrrr..


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

VIncymon said:


> So .... in what way is this being creepy ?
> After all, you can't immediately become boyfriend and girlfriend from your first encounter.
> 
> Many of the female posters here say that pursuing friendship as a prelude to a relationship is somehow deceptive or creepy ..
> ...


I already posted my thoughts on this issue. It still amazes me today why some women think that this is some kind of "trick"

If she likes you, it's ok....if she doesn't like you, it's a "trick"...:|


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## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

Corvus Cowl said:


> I thought I saw one of your posts in this thread here. I was beginning to think that the "women can't make up their mind" cliche was starting to rear its head in this thread, but after reading some posts in this thread and some in the one I linked to, I think it just comes down to the individual(s). Some people prefer being asked out right away due to just wanting or getting that click at the moment, and some prefer to start their relationship as a friendship to see if something truly clicks after a while.
> 
> So guys who want to start out as friends, just remember that you an just as easily be rejected by chicks who you start out with as friends just as you could get rejected by asking someone out you barely know. It's just that the guys wanting to start out as friends have to invest a bit, and it can add up to the same amount of gain as just asking out immediately: nothing.


You can get rejected, anytime, all the time. Sad but true. If the person doesn't have a good feeling about you, doesn't know you at all and doesn't want to know you, or simply likes you as a friend and nothing more... It's life. No one forces you to continue the acquaintance (I didn't) but no need to be too mean spirited. If a friend of mine told me once that he had feelings for me and I didn't, I would totally understand that he can't remain friends with me. It's human. It hurts too much.

For me, being asked out, which never happened to me, means nothing if I don't know the guy. For me, friendship and acquaintance is the base for everything else. If I don't know a guy, how can I want to be already more than acquainted to him? Looks are just that, looks. You can have a good or a bad feeling about someone just going by their looks but you shoudn't base everything on this feeling.

But then again, I have been told I have too much of a cool head and think too much before doing anything so... And clearly, given my lack of experience at my age, it is not always a good thing


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## Phalene (Feb 15, 2013)

It is just a question of personality. Clearly some people find that their friends are off limits, other (like me) think it's necessary to be friends first, some find cold approaches acceptable, other find them shallow...


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