# Cant hold a conversation at all.



## johnysmith1234

I never no what to say. When someone asks me a question or talks to me about something I'll answer them with a short reply then I wdont know how to keep the conversation going. People then think I'm rude or angry and stop trying to talk to me. Anyone ese?


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## Kitten

Yup..story of my life! I am horrible at telling stories or describing what I did over the weekend in detail without it sounding unnatural or stilted. My voice is low, people ask me to repeat myself a lot and that makes it even worse.

For me, saying little is best as I don't say as many stupid, unintelligible things.


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## andy1984

When people talk to me I feel like I'll get trapped in a conversation so I do whatever I can to avoid talking.


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## Halcyon

johnysmith1234 said:


> I never no what to say. When someone asks me a question or talks to me about something I'll answer them with a short reply then I wdont know how to keep the conversation going. People then think I'm rude or angry and stop trying to talk to me. Anyone ese?


I've felt myself get better with practice, the more I'm in conversation with people the more i'm able to just come up with questions...even questions like DO you have any pets or just bringing up things like the weather as tired and rehashed as these topics are have allowed me to at least have conversations with people. If you think talking about the weather has little substance/meaning...maybe they do but you can develop into deeper conversations from that small start. It has to start somewhere and it could be the weather, it could be hows math class etc, Its a connection no matter how small the start may be.

I've been thinking its my outlook really thats putting up walls for me or had been putting up walls for me...I wouldn't want to say hi to a girl in class because she might think i'm coming on to her but someone told me even if she does think you're coming on to her, its a form of flattery and it's funny in a sense...its all in the way we view and look at situations....outlook.

Asking questions...Like the other day someone mentioned I-HOP hehe...i asked is that like DENNY's??? and they were like no its better, and they went on to describe what they serve at I-HOP and the food...i just replied back with that sounds yummy...i could eat breakfast all day or something...then even if you do stop here, i think the comfort level increases the more you're exposed to it and the more you're able to practice it.

You will make mistakes, but the next time you do it you'll probably be better at it.


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## njodis

I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while. :lol


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## James of Maine

Same here, but I've reached the point where I've pretty much accepted it. I think I unintentionally "telegraph", via unconscious body language, that I'm not comfortable, and the other person usually ends it pretty quickly. Oh well.


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## ebolarama

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## aznboi719

yeah..i suxk at this

you ask me i answer

thats really it


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## Shauna The Dead

Yeah, everybody says I "can't carry on a conversation" :blah :roll


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## Razorblade Kiss

Njodis said:


> I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. *My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while*. :lol


Hehe yeah, I don't mind it at all when the other person keeps running their mouth. I'll interject here n' there to let them know I'm paying attention, but they'll always say "Oh, I'm talking too much." or "I hope I'm not boring you." I'm like "No, not at all." I love a talker, it takes a lot of pressure off of me. I really wish I was more of a conversationalist. I can be at times, I guess it kinda depends on who I'm talking to because there are certain people I feel more comfortable with...and sometimes I just don't have much to talk about so what can ya' do...I really do admire those who are good at it. It's like an art.

I'll soon have to deal with talking to a guy I'm interested in on the phone for the first time and only God knows how that will go...I tend to draw a blank when I'm nervous.


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## moonbeam

Me too. The worst are those awkward situations when I answer quickly, the potential dialogue dies, but after an awkward silence of at least 10 seconds, I finally concentrate my overthinking mind and try to resolve the situation by asking the same question, leaving the person who I'm talking to totally puzzled.


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## Razorblade Kiss

Yes, silence is the worst. I literally pray for something to say and I try to get off the phone as soon as possible when it gets too quiet. I instantly become an escape artist. lol


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## emptybottle

Njodis said:


> I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while. :lol


I do this too. People sure love talking about themselves. But there's always a point when they realize that the conversation is one-sided and you're not contributing anything even when they pause to give you the opportunity to do so. There's that few seconds of agony when they look at you expectantly for a similar anecdote or whatever. *crickets chirping*... Then they get bored.


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## Scrub-Zero

Count me in the bad conversationalist crew *shows membership card*

No matter how hard i try, i can't keep conversations going. I never could and i don't think i ever will be able to. I'm just one of those non-talkative people that makes conversations awkward.


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## Meee

I can hold a conversation if i'm comfortable and it's flowing naturally. But with most people my mind goes completely blank and i'm desperately clutching at straws trying to think of something to say. Which i usually can't.



emptybottle said:


> Njodis said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while. :lol
> 
> 
> 
> I do this too. People sure love talking about themselves. But there's always a point when they realize that the conversation is one-sided and you're not contributing anything even when they pause to give you the opportunity to do so. There's that few seconds of agony when they look at you expectantly for a similar anecdote or whatever. *crickets chirping*... Then they get bored.
Click to expand...

Yeah. You can't ask questions and give short responses forever, eventually you've gotta come up with something to say in order to relate, otherwise neither of you feel any connection and you get bored of each other. Or they get bored with you, at least.

Which is kinda hard because i simply can't relate to most of the people i meet here. I just don't have the same interests or experiences. Though to be honest i don't really want to relate to most of the people i meet - i'd rather just find people that are at least somewhat similar to me... but it seems none exist in this area.

Oh well.


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## miss.filth

Yea I never know what to say, and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. I know I come off as incredibly rude... especially with my family because I know I can get away with it... I think back and realize how short I can be with them, it's horrible.
but with people you _have_ to be social with I get really uncomfortable... nod and smile alot instead of making a real reply... I try too hard to think of what I should say and when I do say something I think "wow, that was stupid" ...it's easier to say nothing. luckily most of my friends are really talkative but it's like they're talking to a brick wall sometimes...


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## Chubz

I always go into conversations "proudly" when someone says something to me and I have to speak back, but I almost always quickly want to get out of it as quickly as I became involved with it because my random fidgeting and inability to maintain any eye or even facial contact kills any decent impression I could have left. 

I also stutter a lot and jab around at trying to come across with the point I originally had in mind, using "uh," and "like," and "(at least) I think" way too often in my conversations due to nervousness.

To "terminate" the conversation I usually just keep my head lowered and keep answering with my usual "yeah," or "donno" responses until the person figures out it's not possible for me to keep it going.


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## Softy785

For me, it depends on the person and the situation. But in any case, I will try desperately to keep the conversation going as long as possible. I'm practicing on lengthening my answers when people ask me questions. That alone has helped out a lot in conversations. Also, being able to ask questions of others is important. People love it when you ask them questions, because then they get to talk about themselves. So not only are you keeping the conversation going and the focus off of you, but you're appearing more friendly to the other person. 

Sometimes I don't understand why conversation is so easy with my boyfriend and so difficult with everybody else. In the 3+ years I've been with my boyfriend, we have never ever ran out of things to talk about with each other. Now all I have to do is figure out what we're doing right, and apply it to everybody else that I know!


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## Razorblade Kiss

Yeah, I've come to the realization that I suck at asking people questions. This is bad when I'm in the stage of getting to know someone, especially someone I'm interested in. I probably come off as a dumbass because I don't have many questions. 

It sounds like you're really comfortable with your boyfriend and that's why you two converse so well. You're not going to be that comfortable with everyone else. Maybe a few people, but not everyone.


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## just_being_me

Conversation depends on both people being able to accept themselves and what they are saying. For me, a lot of times I CAN'T accept myself or the things I say because I am too worried about their thoughts about me. The reality is though, they are also focused on how they are presenting their selves and their thoughts, only they don't over obsess about it like me. They accept themselves and are confident in what they are saying, and I am not...


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## Drella

Yeah, I have a lot of trouble carrying on a conversation. I'm not accustomed to saying a lot, even around people I know well. When random people come up to me and try to start a conversation, I normally answer in as few words as possible and shift my gaze around me. There's usually a long, awkward silence, and then I make up an excuse to leave. I'm usually too nervous to reciprocate their line of questioning.


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## Gerard

Eh. Me too. It feels too hard or nearly impossible. I could be curious about others but I don't share much about me. I'm clueless. I guess "Practice, practice, practice!" :fall


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## Pinzelhead

I can hold conversations with people I can relax with. The people I view as less confident I am able to converse with even start a conversation with. Its the anxiety that boggles the mind. People who become anxious have their conversations laced with confused disgressions. Sometimes I feel I have plenty to say but cannot be assertive and so just keep my mouth shut because I think I will just be ignored or told to shut up.


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## Zomg

Haha, this is something I have been worrying about a lot. I'm not able to connect to many people since I never really know what to say anymoire. Since I am pretty depressed and have this anxiety I guess it just makes it harder. Sometimes I wonder how I was able to socialize in high school ;/
Now when I go to university I go there late so I don't have to socialize with people outside of my class. It's unavoidable since I know they will approach me no matter what. One of them even asked me to go to a bar with them and some other people in my class...I honestly cannot go >.> I hate bars anyways lol. I just want another outcast friend


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## Badrelg27

njodis said:


> My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while. :lol


There's nothing wrong with that. At least for guys, that's a good way to have a conversation with a girl, instead of talking about yourself and coming off as self-absorbed you can ask them questions about them and get them to tell you about their lives. That way you can really get to know them without having to contribute a whole lot of dialogue to the conversation.

Still, I'm no expert at that conversation tactic and sorry if you got that impression. I believe that's a good way to go about it but I still have trouble when I actually try to do it. I have extreme anxiety about approaching people, and when I end up in a conversation with a person I just met, I feel like I stumbled upon it. And if the conversation gets long enough I don't remember how it started and sometimes I repeat questions I'd already asked and forgotten about. Needless to say that's resulted in a lot of rejections. And trust me, most of us on this board get the very same kind of :afr reaction when we realize we're running out of stuff to say, especially when we actually like the person we're talking to.

We're mostly in the same boat here. Most people with social anxiety have this exact problem, or something similar to it. If medication and/or counseling isn't helping, the best way to overcome it is to just get out and talk to people. I know that won't make you feel comfortable, it certainly doesn't make me feel comfortable. But we have to do it or we're most likely just going to get more and more introverted as our lives progress and we get more set in our ways.


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## tutliputli

njodis said:


> I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while. :lol





emptybottle said:


> I do this too. People sure love talking about themselves. But there's always a point when they realize that the conversation is one-sided and you're not contributing anything even when they pause to give you the opportunity to do so. There's that few seconds of agony when they look at you expectantly for a similar anecdote or whatever. *crickets chirping*... Then they get bored.


Yup, same here.

I suck at face-to-face conversation with a physically present person, but when I come on SAS I find it pretty easy to talk to people. I have no trouble communicating in writing - my thoughts come naturally and I can always think of something to say. I'm not as anxious talking here so my mind actually functions as it should do in a social setting. :b


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## quiet0lady

I suck at this too, especially if the focus is on me and I'm the one having to talk about myself. I can carry on a decent conversation but I usually avert the focus from me to them by asking lots of questions to the point where it comes off like I'm interrogating them. I am far from a great conversationalist unless I'm comfortable with the person.


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## Dub16

My problem seems to be shutting the hell up for a minute! 

Awkward silences freak me out. So I just keep on talking.


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## twinkel77

i have this same problem. it hasnt always been this way. it seems like over the past year or so my ability to hold a conversation has just disappeared. it effects my relationships with people because they think i dont want to talk to them and its beginning to take a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I dont have many friends anymore because we all just sort of lost touch and the ones i do have left, i can tell that they see a difference in my personality. can anybody help?


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## InMyDreams55

add me to the group too! Cuz i suckkkkk at convos. Their's gotta be a book or something....for bad conversationalists......(is that even a word? Whatevs)


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## radiancia

Interestingly, this is one of the areas where Im not affected by SA. In a one on one setting, Im a very good conversationalist. I think my issue is more with actions and body language than words. I am very..reserved when it comes to being expressive with my feelings. I can talk about practical everyday subjects till the cows come home, but get to a situation where you have to 'read' people or send out body language signals (like flirting) Im like a blank slate. I do nothing!


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## Aile

This depends on who I'm talking to. Lately my behaviour in social circumstances changed dramatically because of sudden onset SA. Before I was very comfortable to say whatever comes to mind and would easily shrug things off. Now depending on who I'm talking to, my mind would begin to race, would not be able to concentrate on what the person is saying so I would be lost at what to say. My expression also says it all. So most of the time, I tend to stick to really short Q&A conversations, anything else would be beyond me.


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## Insanityonthego

be yourself, you got nothing to hide. you gotta be proud of what you´re talking about, not ashamed. love yourself above everyone and all things. If someone tries to bring you down, send them to hell and show them how pathetic they are.


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## RUFB2327

This is a big problem of mine. I really want to talk to people sometimes but I never know what to say. It amazes me when someone can hold a conversation and keep it going with multiple people.


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## MissGemmaRogers

Happens to me all the time. Its horrible


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## MissGemmaRogers

Sometimes I know what I want to say but I just cant get myself to say it.


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## shynesshellasucks

Yup I can't seem to do this either. I just have nothing to add to a conversation. I mostly blame it on my lack of social life and not having many interests.


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## dachickmagnet

Kitten said:


> For me, saying little is best as I don't say as many stupid, unintelligible things.


This.
Sometimes I can have an ok conversation, rarely tho and then at the end I jst say somethin stupid. So I like you, figured saying little is best


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## GD8

I can hold a conversation for maybe 5-10 minutes but I have so little going on in my life that I just run out of **** to talk about


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## Dazzle

I thought I was the only one, I used to think it was just something wrong with me, now I know it’s my SA that makes it difficult for me to hold a conversation. It’s weird because if I have at least two drinks I have no problem thinking of what to say or holding a conversation. However, I am not a drinker, and I do not want to become dependent on it to cope with my SA; so I rarely drink. 

I also give people short answers, and I realize that some people may think I just do not want to talk to them or do not like them but that is not the case, I am just so damn anxious I am trying to get out of the conversation. I remember in school a few people would try to talk to me but they give up because I do not say much.

There were plenty of times I wanted to be able to hold a conversation with them but I just suck at doing it, it is so frustrating, when your mind becomes blink because your mind is so busy racing with what if thoughts. However, there were times when I thought of something to say but I became so afraid to say what’s on my mind because I thought someone may have thought it was stupid, and I feared being embarrassed, then I get mad at myself later on for not just saying what I thought in the first place.


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## voitzify

oh how i can relate... for some people keeping up a conversation is the easiest and most natural thing in the world, and for us SA sufferers it's a daily struggle lol.


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## Lukoi

I missed out on getting laid because I cant hold a conversation... Damn my social awkwardness !! :cry


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## wannabesomebody

I can't hold a conversation either... people talk to me and I always reply with short answers like "yes" and "no", and nothing more. Then there's an awkward silence, and then the conversation ends. Same old story over and over again.


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## Lukoi

wannabesomebody said:


> I can't hold a conversation either... people talk to me and I always reply with short answers like "yes" and "no", and nothing more. Then there's an awkward silence, and then the conversation ends. Same old story over and over again.


Same here. Its like my brain just freezes and I cant think of anything else to say.. but I wont to socialize with the person but my brain wont let me. Its so frustrating.


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## SuperSaiyan

Yeah, it's terrible, the only loop-hole I know, is to start your own conversation or change the topic.


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## mzmz

*I can hold a conversation*

But i'm always so weird and freaky, people always go :blank
Or :| or sometimes:um and walk away becuase their cat is on fire or something. I really do try. You'd think I would get it right more often, huh?
:no


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## Josh90

I think it's hard for me to hold a conversation because the things I do in my life are so basic and boring, they are things people do anyway, people want you to tell them a story or something exciting.


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## CopadoMexicano

I really cant hold a conversation..


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## Imbored21

I cant hold a conversation. It's definately my biggest issue. I can never get past "how are you?"


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## 7thLetter

Same here. Its because we're introverts. One of the introvert traits that I absolutely dread living with. How the he would we even fix it? I can carry a conversation if I have thought of something to say, first though. And when its a topic that I know well.


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## steve2006

this is literally the story of my life. I think its a really negative aspect of my life and I have started reading books on making small talk in the hope i get better. After the hi how are you bit, it just gets awkward.


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## singleplayer

Yes that's me too. Mr Awkward Silence himself. I couldn't hold a 5 minute conversation if my life depended on it. I think it's because I am too afraid to talk about myself or say what I am thinking for fear of rejection. If I am comfortable with the other person I find I can converse more easily.


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## Vespera

johnysmith1234 said:


> I never no what to say. When someone asks me a question or talks to me about something I'll answer them with a short reply then I wdont know how to keep the conversation going. People then think I'm rude or angry and stop trying to talk to me. Anyone ese?


Yea it sucks..People always get an impression that im a dbag, because I dont sit there and keep the conversation going like everyone else.


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