# Share your teenage sob stories (or sad stories)



## Yori

related to social anxiety-

My examples: going to the bathroom for lunch.
-Purposely passing myself out in the nurse's office (kills brain cells, risk of death)
-Various food and medicinal poisoning methods, none that worked (to avoid a public speaking scenario, not in order to kill myself but I understood I risked that. It turns out the teacher let me do the scenario with her but I was too afraid to be told "No, you need to do it too.")
-Staying in the bathroom in a failed attempt to avoid getting a Shy award

Not related to social anxiety, but mental distress

-Attempting to (I'm not sure if it was me or a copycat, because the details didn't match with what I did) close the school down for a day or create chaos. Police cars came, but not much chaos happened.

I used a bomb note (I did not write as the person bombing, though)

Hope no one hates me for that, eh. I was desperate.


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## Remnant of Dawn

Yori said:


> -Staying in the bathroom in a failed attempt to avoid getting a Shy award


Oh god what is a Shy award? That sounds really, really cruel.

Anyway, I don't really remember too many terrible stories, but I'll share ones I can remember.

-In 9th grade, we had a really small cafeteria, and people from other grades would come all the time, so there weren't enough seats for everyone. I used to just skip lunch and go to the library, but some days it was closed, and then I had to try to sit somewhere, and always end up getting kicked out by whoever usually sat there. I couldn't sit in the hallways, as the teachers would yell at me and not seem to understand that THERE WERE NOT ENOUGH SEATS IN THE CAFETERIA.

-Having to ask teachers for letters of recommendation (for college) this year. This terrified me so much that I skipped school for like a week after I finally got the courage to do it to avoid having to see them again. I'm glad I finally did it though, I guess.

-My one teacher who, knowing I didn't like talking, thought it was amusing to ask me the most awkward possible questions whenever possible. He thought it was funny, but I hated it.

-My 10th grade chemistry teacher, who thought it was necessary to make me try to define what a solid, liquid, and gas were in front of the class, and then tell me every answer I gave was wrong. Then she made me do an experiment in front of the whole class, and when I went to get goggles, she hid from me behind the lab table. :/

Luckily I don't have anything too serious, but some of these events still bother me to this day (except the chemistry one, which I've started to find amusing somehow, but it terrified me at the time).


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## CristianNC

Oh man, I'll guess I'll go for it too. I don't remember a lot of stories because I try to not think about them. I'll just go with what I think is the saddest one:

In the 9th grade, our Romanian teacher had us write essays(2-3 pages long) and then selected a few in class to read them out loud. I ****ing felt like I'm going to have a heart attack every single time he said "Who wants to read his essay?" so I started skipping that class for various reasons. On some days when our class was the first of day but I would still leave home at the right hour to prevent my parents from raising any questions but I had no idea what I'm supposed to do for a whole hour or two so I used to ride the bus for that time(taking the whole course two or three times), looking through the mirror and feeling depressed and disgusted with myself. Thank god he stopped doing this after 9th grade.


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## enfield

Yori said:


> related to social anxiety-
> 
> My examples: going to the bathroom for lunch.
> -Purposely passing myself out in the nurse's office (kills brain cells, risk of death)
> -Various food and medicinal poisoning methods, none that worked (to avoid a public speaking scenario, not in order to kill myself but I understood I risked that. It turns out the teacher let me do the scenario with her but I was too afraid to be told "No, you need to do it too.")
> -Staying in the bathroom in a failed attempt to avoid getting a Shy award
> 
> Not related to social anxiety, but mental distress
> 
> -Attempting to (I'm not sure if it was me or a copycat, because the details didn't match with what I did) close the school down for a day or create chaos. Police cars came, but not much chaos happened.
> 
> I used a bomb note (I did not write as the person bombing, though)
> 
> Hope no one hates me for that, eh. I was desperate.


jesus.


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## Yori

One thing useful in sad stories is getting courage to express anxiety in some way. Ive found a way to care less about the double edged sword of "everyone will know how anxious i am." in my desperate need to avoid certain situations. So in cases of rading an essay id let my Deer In Headlights look show or just mouth that i cant, at least (because I might not be able to talk xD). 

I actually think this is a pretty important skill. If you skip it and focus on trying to feel less anxious doing the tasks themselves only, what if that doesnt work in time? You at least have something to fall back on - flaunting your weakness. Showing them how sadistic theyd be if they made you do the task at hand. So, try your hardest to stare frozen as an ice sculpture in front of the teacher staring at your desk and gripping it until your knuckles are white - or at least power walking out of the door! ;D (PS - i havent seen if i can apply any of these yet. I might end up mouthing like a fish out of fear of giving such a silent display.)


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## mccoys

enfield said:


> jesus.


 yes?


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## enfield

Yori said:


> One thing useful in sad stories is getting courage to express anxiety in some way. Ive found a way to care less about the double edged sword of "everyone will know how anxious i am." in my desperate need to avoid certain situations. So in cases of rading an essay id let my Deer In Headlights look show or just mouth that i cant, at least (because I might not be able to talk xD).
> 
> I actually think this is a pretty important skill. If you skip it and focus on trying to feel less anxious doing the tasks themselves only, what if that doesnt work in time? You at least have something to fall back on - flaunting your weakness. Showing them how sadistic theyd be if they made you do the task at hand. So, try your hardest to stare frozen as an ice sculpture in front of the teacher staring at your desk and gripping it until your knuckles are white - or at least power walking out of the door! ;D (PS - i havent seen if i can apply any of these yet. I might end up mouthing like a fish out of fear of giving such a silent display.)


i like the idea of that a lot. rather than try to hide your anxiety but not be able to very well all the time, i think there is something to be said for appearing as psychologically incapable of talking as you feel, and getting yourself off the hook that way (by making your teacher see this and feel bad for you or not know how to handle you so not press you any further). you have to not care about seeming mentally ill and unstable. your self-worth can't be coming from how classmates and teachers are perceiving you, it has to come from other places. otherwise it will be devastating (and this is probably why this technique is not employed very often, since most people care a lot about not seeming so weak to everyone).

i tried this a handful of times in high school, or defaulted to it, and resisted talking. unfortunately i didn't have the seeming psychologically incapable thing down since my teachers misread me as being defiant rather than terrified  (well, i was defiant, but i was defiant because i was terrified). those were the teachers that wouldn't back down, and the ones where my attempts to seem helpless were deflected.



mccoys said:


> yes?


did you _read_ what the OP wrote? it's crazy what she did. and unfathomable to a normal person or even your average socially anxious person. i can't comprehend it.


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## Levibebop

I was just made fun of and criticized a lot for my interests in my early teens. I'd rather not go into specifics.

None of it quite compares to the extremes you went through, OP. If you need to talk, send me a message.


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## Yori

enfield said:


> i tried this a handful of times in high school, or defaulted to it, and resisted talking. unfortunately i didn't have the seeming psychologically incapable thing down since my teachers misread me as being defiant rather than terrified  (well, i was defiant, but i was defiant because i was terrified). those were the teachers that wouldn't back down, and the ones where my attempts to seem helpless were deflected.
> 
> did you _read_ what the OP wrote? it's crazy what she did. and unfathomable to a normal person or even your average socially anxious person. i can't comprehend it.


Is not xD. Okay, maybe it is. But I was just feeling really depressed in school for no particular reason, and I thought it would help.

As for the incapable thing... not quite what I was going for. Your classmates and teachers don't have to think your incapacitated, ffs. Just way too anxious to even talk. As for them thinking you are being defiant... you should try harder to look troubled. Bite your lip or something? Furrow your.. brow? I think that's what it's called doing... open your mouth, now that should definitely help. I don't mean go Ahhh... just open your mouth a bit so that you come across as *not being able to* speak rather than being defiant.


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## enfield

Yori said:


> Is not xD. Okay, maybe it is. But I was just feeling really depressed in school for no particular reason, and I thought it would help.


besides crazy it is also interesting and a fine example of courageous trouble-making (the bomb thing). the deliberate fainting seems sad since it indicates a lot of desperation (or if one wants to look at it in a less depressing light, unusual determination).


> As for the incapable thing... not quite what I was going for. Your classmates and teachers don't have to think your incapacitated, ffs. Just way too anxious to even talk. As for them thinking you are being defiant... you should try harder to look troubled. Bite your lip or something? Furrow your.. brow? I think that's what it's called doing... open your mouth, now that should definitely help. I don't mean go Ahhh... just open your mouth a bit so that you come across as *not being able to* speak rather than being defiant.


yeah i didn't want to look way to anxious to talk (i was insecure about being perceived that way), so i ended up seeming difficult and resistant rather than earnest but anxious. so i think you are right, i was not doing exactly what you are imagining doing. those are nice tips. right now i don't have to deal with any participation i can't handle, and i may be out of the woods mostly of having to do the kind of thing that i would need to save myself from doing. I'm not sure i'm going to be taking any classes which require participation or presentations for a while.


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## Yori

enfield said:


> I'm not sure i'm going to be taking any classes which require participation or presentations for a while.


Okay enfield, I am still making frustrated and puzzled faces in my mind after reading your IQ post, and you just keeping showing there is no way in hell you are severely retarded. It's like you've never researched one lick what it means to be severely retarded, so any score you got you'd just shrug and think that's what it must mean to be severely retarded.

Stop making me pull my hair out.

Okay, I'm not, but still.

Anyway, as for the fainting, yes I was desperate.


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## enfield

Yori said:


> Okay enfield, I am still making frustrated and puzzled faces in my mind after reading your IQ post, and you just keeping showing there is no way in hell you are severely retarded. It's like you've never researched one lick what it means to be severely retarded, so any score you got you'd just shrug and think that's what it must mean to be severely retarded.
> 
> Stop making me pull my hair out.
> 
> Okay, I'm not, but still.
> 
> Anyway, as for the fainting, yes I was desperate.


no, _you_ stop pulling your hair out over me and my incongruous IQ score. _I_ am _once again_ making puzzled and frustrated faces in my mind wondering how in the world you were so distressed over that post. it's like you never used one lick of common sense, so you'd just accept whatever IQ score you read i had, being blind to context, and shrug off whatever other indications you got from my posts.
:b


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## Yori

Not accept the score itself, but accept that you really scored that. tbh I didn't read the entire post (I was browsing through your posts and saw it.)
And it causes distress because I had questions on it xD and because I figured it was incorrect but you thought it was correct, which would be... well... incorrect. It wouldve passed once you were convinced that it was incorrect.


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## enfield

Yori said:


> Not accept the score itself, but accept that you really scored that. tbh I didn't read the entire post (I was browsing through your posts and saw it.)
> And it causes distress because I had questions on it xD and because I figured it was incorrect but you thought it was correct, which would be... well... incorrect. It wouldve passed once you were convinced that it was incorrect.


i know what you mean. it would be disturbing to see someone think something so odd as that. even if it's like you say, and they have no conception of what being severely mentally retarded means or looks like, it would just feel wrong for them to think that when they clearly are not. i would have a strong impulse to inquire about it too. i know you accepted that i might have really scored, but you also accepted that i accepted that i scored that and accepted i was what the score indicated, which was the stranger thing to me (but you did find it strange yourself and tried to clarify by responding to numerous posts of mine).


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## Yori

Yeah... now that I think of it, something would really have to be wrong with you to think you had an IQ of 67. But I guess I was too busy thinking hard to notice .

OOOH an edit button! Anyway, I responded to your visitor message on your own profile.


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## enfield

Yori said:


> Yeah... now that I think of it, something would really have to be wrong with you to think you had an IQ of 67. But I guess I was too busy thinking hard to notice .
> 
> OOOH an edit button! Anyway, I responded to your visitor message on your own profile.


you are rightfully excited (for once). the coveted edit function is really nice. there isn't even a time limit on it or anything like some other forums, and neither does it mark the post in some way to indicate that it's been edited, so it can be used freely without reserve (I have the habit of editing posts a lot, posting them half-done and the quickly finishing them, so i am really grateful for it).


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## feelsbadmang

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! I can contribute to this thread

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...cide-attempt-was-genuine-but-it-wasnt-440193/


feelsbadmang said:


> -I also eat (ate, because i'm dropping out of school soon) lunch in the bathroom
> 
> -I (use to) purposely overdose on sleeping pills and allergy medicine, to get my blood pressure extremely low and to get drowsy. (Story time-->) About 3 weeks ago, I wasn't in the mood for going to the anxiety/ocd program. I drank an entire half bottle of allergy medicine combined with 40 mg of my brother's ambien pills. It wasn't even a fake suicide attempt, I just didn't want to be awake. After sleeping for 15 hours, I woke up to go to the bathroom. When I got up from the toilet, I passed out and hit my head on the bathtub. My mom heard a loud thud and ran over to find out the source of the noise. She found my on the floor, and when she tried to pick me up, I passed out again. She called 911 and the paramedics had to drag me to the ambulance; I was extremely drowsy. The test they ran at the ER turned out fine, and I was allowed to go home. I never told them that I overdosed on sleeping pills because I didn't want to go back to the psych ward. But at least I got 2 days off from the anxiety/ocd program.
> 
> -I also (use to) poison myself by overdosing on laxatives to give myself diarrhea. I only did this during early sophomore year, and it always convinced my mom I was sick. It worked every time.
> 
> -If I can't come up with more tactics for avoidance, then I simply lock my door and put furniture in front of it to make sure it won't open. Ugh, I remember this one time when my mom was fed up with me ditching school, she kept banging on my door to get it to open. I didn't respond, so she probably thought I finally killed myself and started freaking out. She threatened to call police, but I still wouldn't open my door. My brother had to break my door knob and it practically broke my door in half. My door is still broken as we speak. Ugh, annoying...


:teeth We are professional avoiders, and we are good at what we do. Your tactics are genius.








enfield said:


> did you _read_ what the OP wrote? it's crazy what she did. and unfathomable to a normal person or even your average socially anxious person. i can't comprehend it.












Pfft. Casual. Get on our level.


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## mahnamahna

Well... I have had the following happen:

9th grade, I was an awkward mess lol (I'm much better now! still have problems though) but I befriended an 11th grader and developed a crush on her. She had a suave basketball star for a BF but 14 year old logic prevented me from taking note of that. I wrote her a love letter in 10th grade but she HATED it. She thought it was weird and inappropriate that I liked her.

For the next year, I was absolutely depressed about it and she let me know that I wasn't to her standard, that I was unattractive, that I was small, that I was dorky, and that I was weird. 

Other than that... I've got:
Anytime I go into a public place near my house, I think I'll see someone I know and I get scared

I got all frozen up when I went to take the SAT that I dropped my glasses like Urkel lol. A girl went to pick them up and give them to me, I said thanks, and she just kinda smirked (did she like me?)

Anytime I flash something resembling a friendly smile to a girl because I always get dirty looks from girls no matter where I go.

Large gatherings are uncomfortable to me (weddings, graduations and awards ceremonies) as I never know who to talk to or how to insert myself into a conversation. Usually, I eat cake and drink lemonade... call it a night  

Last summer, I went on a mission trip and it was awkward to say the least. I barely knew anyone on the trip so I had to overcome the barrier of not knowing them. Then, I thought a girl was talking to me but instead it was the guy behind me... awkward lol.
To cap it off, there was a girl who was kinda a "flirty boy toy" and she hit on almost every guy... except me. Actually, she gave me dirty looks when I acted remotely friendly with her. 

On a weekend visit to a college I'm interested in for their film festival, I was freezing up around everyone. I got used to it, but I felt extremely low when the two girls on the trip were talking about "mingling" and they quickly passed me by for some schlub a few feet away. Eventually, me and this other guy who was visiting decided to talk to the two of them. He was DOA (they didn't give him a chance lol) but one of the girls actually showed interest in me. I tried to keep the conversation going but something made me pause and these girls had the attention span of a squirrel so they quickly ditched us. Real smooth of me lol 

Anytime I get free time in class, I can't bring myself to start a conversation so I usually just read a book, study or sleep. I feel bad that I can't talk much though.

During lunch, I always feel so awkward because I just listen to everyone else talk while I usually just eat and gaze off at random girls around the room lol (dirty looks galore! ) 

One time, I had to do a PowerPoint in front of the whole class for History (10th grade), and I've never been more anxious in my life. They were all staring at me, and I kept stuttering my way through my explanation of "leisure in the colonies". She took points off and it made me feel worse :/

Other than that... I can't really think of specific instances


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## thepigeon2222

wow


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## enfield

thepigeon2222 said:


> wow


i know, right.


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## Aye

Well I've never went to any of the extreme lengths some of you have gone to to avoid something although I skipped a lot classes this year.

One of my worst experiences and it is something I think about everyday was about a year and a half ago. I suffer from IBS mostly triggered by social anxiety so exams are nightmare. During my math exam my stomach began making its usual squealing whale noises. Everyone laughed including the teacher and then I ran out and cried in the principals office. Thankfully I have a separate exam room now but its still embarrassing in front of the supervisor.

After that incident I became more anxious. My best friend started ignoring me one day and hasn't glanced at me since. Both incidents made me feel worthless and undeserving of friends. One by one pI lost most of my friends at school. Thankfully I have some good friends outside of school.


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## ShyGirl Ireland

this is from wen i was still in primary school but i was nearly a teenager.
i sometimes had to take the school bus but not very often so the other kids wouldn't expect me to be on it. i was the first on the bus cz the others were still talking to their friends and stuff so i sat bout three rows from the front. wen people started coming on the bus they just went straight to the back and didn't even notice me. 
after a while the other kids started talking about wat happened in school that day and joking my name came up and a girls started taking the piss out of me saying how stupid i was and laughing at how i stutter over everything i say the others started joining in telling embarrassing stories about me still not realizing i was there. i remember trying to be as small as possible wishing i was invisible thinking "plz god don't let them see me". as the first stop came up i realized the person getting off might see me or my stop being the next one i would have to get up and everyone would know i'd heard everything they said and hadn't once stood up for myself or said anything. it was a horrible feeling and going into school the next day had been so hard.
the next story is of the first time i went to a disco in town with my friends i was around 15 and was so excited and scared but had been so happy to be included. people in school during the week had been talking about how flat chested i was and how i wasn't very girly not wearing make-up, had no curves stuff like that and rumors started going around about if i was really a girl or something like that i hadn't thought much of it just ignored them. wen i was at the disco a few guy's from my school started shouting over at me and at some point i found myself next to them and one of my friends went off and tried to pull down my top and lift up my skirt to show them i was a girl she did it laughing and people were looking over like i was some **** as i tried to cover myself i was mortified and embarrassed but the guy's never really said anything to me after that i think they felt bad, some people didn't and laughed at me, i was just thinking cry when you get home. latter on i found out it was one of my friends who started it in the first place. 
other than that the usually awkward stuff like finding some place to eat lunch if my so called friends weren't there, the fact i hung out with them cz at the time i thought it better to blend in with them than to stand out on my own. guy asked to meet up with me then didn't show.
the dread on someones face wen the got paired with me in class. 
ok think thats it .... probably just cry now


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## iiJustKeepSwimmingii

When I was 9 my dad died. It killed me inside and I hated it mainly because I hate to be viewed as weak. I turned off my emotions and they haven't returned properly. Now when I'm sitting with friends that I used to care for I suddenly despise them. I just see them as a distraction from my own mind, that's all they have ever been. I don't even let myself become attached to my own mother, she is simply the bringer of food, shelter and warmth. That's all I need. Believe me you will think I'm messed up after this but I feel dead inside and even when the teachers in school ask me to read out and stuff like that I often just do it like a robot though I hate it. I hate me. I hate the way I think and the things I've done. I wont go into detail because that would take forever but I will tell you this, the fact that you are upset about these things is good, it makes you human. Right now, I feel like psychopathic robot. Pathetic, pointless post over.


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## artsavesmysoul

9th grade year - The English teacher I had would embarrass me he told my brother that I was wierd,he would haggle me about the music I liked and the way I dressed I hated coming to his class and the PE teacher I had would purposely call me the wrong name on purpose even though I asked him to stop.

10th grade - Some girl in my class decided to call out me out by saying ''Why don't you talk,speak up'' 
I was also getting bullied by this boy in my Algebra class which included like the whole class basically because he was friends with everyone in the room day after day he would continue and my teacher didn't do anything about it even after I told the TA the kid got moved but nothing was still done.

11th grade- This table would constantly throw food at us and make fun of us knowing we could hear them they once threw a full orange and it hit one of my friends in the back we eventually told a principal and he didn't do anything about it it even got to the point of one of my friends like throwing stuff back and almost attacking a kid.


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## Memory

In 9th grade I only had one friend. There was one day in the schedule where we had different lunch periods. On that day the class would be split in half between the popular mean kids and the sort of normal kids. So I'd sit at the table of normal kids. One day most of them weren't there except for 3 who were like best friends I guess. I sat down having an anxiety attack because they stared at me like I didn't belong. One of the girls said to me "Why do you hate us? You don't talk to anyone." I felt like bursting into tears but I just said "I don't know I'm just shy.." and they all glared at me with mean looks then just continued talking to each other. I quickly stuffed my stupid half eaten sandwich into my lunch box and quickly left the lunch room and sat in the bathroom wanting to cry for a half hour.

Then another time during this lunch, the only kids in my grade were popular kids. They ALL stared at me and exchanged weird looks when I sat down. I painfully ate lunch wanting to be invisible, then left because I was having an anxiety attack.

From then on I would sit in the library and skip lunch that day in the schedule.

So then one day I did that, and I had skipped a bunch of days of school before from anxiety. I went to my history class, but everyone was already sitting down and staring at me as I walked in. The teacher looked so mad at me. I asked him after what happened and he said that the lunch times switched a looong time ago. But I had been absent so many days that I didn't know and it just looked pathetic.


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## Kaisser

For me my worst experience was losing my only "girlfriend". Although it was online, and only lasted 2 weeks, i freaking loved her and would have done anything for her happiness. When she dumped me i didnt simply lost my gf but also my only and best friend


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## D0M1N1K

Yori said:


> Staying in the bathroom in a failed attempt to avoid getting a Shy award


Oh gosh I remember in 7th grade that I got the 'Quietest Mouse' award and everybody agreed with it, even my "friends". Then another student got a 'Star Student' award, even though my grades were way higher than his:blank


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## maddi72

*Soccer team hatred*

Here is my story,
It was November and I was starting Soccer again, I was nervous about trying out for this specific team. I had the comfort of one friend to guide me through the process. I knew some of the girls from previous years. Fast forward to June/July, I am playing soccer currently for my local club. I am considered the underdog on the team. I am the one who gets screamed at constantly throughout games and practices. It has gotten to the point where one girl texted another and the girl who received the message openly admitted that this girl who sent her the message hated me. I do not know why she hates me. When she got the message, we were all sitting in a circle talking and she blurts this out. I said "I don't care why and I don't care about her". Since this, I do not get talked to much at soccer any more. I feel that this "hate" is spreading throughout the team, and I literally have four people I can trust. They hardly speak to me. A week ago, it was a normal practice until I came. They were laughing and having a great time and myself and this one girl (who was the one who told me that, that one girl hates me) come to practice. We walk up and she gets a big welcome and I just walk by and get unnoticed. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? The only one to really greet me is my one true friend and my coach. I am usually the one in the corner all alone. If my team is based on skill, because I will admit I am one of the worst on the team, that is so biased. Tonight I have practice and I do not know what to do. My one true friend is at camp and all the others I trust will not be present. I am freaking out and afraid to go. If we have a partner activity, I will not have one (I barely usually have one), I will have absoulutly no one to talk to and I DON'T WANT TO GO BECAUSE OF THIS! I played soccer with this girl who started the "hate" and I am afraid she is telling everyone on the team to hate me. To be honest I know that is happening. This makes me not want to go to the one thing I love. I do not get talked to at all and at our tournament I will be in trouble because the one girl I hang out with all the time is on vacation. I am seriously thinking of quitting because of these people and this hate. I can't go on anymore. I want this to stop. It has even gone online and I do not want it to effect my life anymore.


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## kurtcobain

Aye said:


> Well I've never went to any of the extreme lengths some of you have gone to to avoid something although I skipped a lot classes this year.
> 
> One of my worst experiences and it is something I think about everyday was about a year and a half ago. I suffer from IBS mostly triggered by social anxiety so exams are nightmare. During my math exam my stomach began making its usual squealing whale noises. Everyone laughed including the teacher and then I ran out and cried in the principals office. Thankfully I have a separate exam room now but its still embarrassing in front of the supervisor.
> 
> After that incident I became more anxious. My best friend started ignoring me one day and hasn't glanced at me since. Both incidents made me feel worthless and undeserving of friends. One by one pI lost most of my friends at school. Thankfully I have some good friends outside of school.


I hate when "Best friends" ignore you. :/ Happening to me, and I too feel completely worthless and undeserving of friends.


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## vanilla90

An early memory, I was about 3 years old. My short life up until then was stable and happy. Fast asleep in my bedroom, I had no idea my life would be changed drastically from this incident. I heard loud noises coming from downstairs, and innocently I skipped down the spiral staircase roaring like a dinosaur. Dinosaurs were my passion as a kid and I was completely obsessed with them. The noises were coming from the kitchen, and from my stairs I could see two shadows coming from the room; a dim light emanating the figures across the hall. The pale glow was distorted, and the shadowy figures danced and dissipated to and fro like dark sentinels. 



As I approached the open door, the noises grew louder. Shouting. Screaming. Shrieking. I was scared, my limbs trembling. I peaked around the corner. My mother in one corner of the room, my father in the other. Mother was holding a knife, and my father a half empty glass of beer. The only words that I can remember, is my dad roaring incoherently “you won't take my son away from me'! Over and over and over again. Just thinking about it now, I can hear his voice, as clear as it was fifteen years ago. My dad left that night, and my mother didn't stop crying for a few days after. I sort of just sat on my own for a few weeks after that, it was mid November and it rained heavily throughout the whole month. I remember the clear glass door to my back garden, I just sat there and stared at the sky as it rained. Those few weeks make me realise why I have a connection with rain, why rain makes me comfortable; because it was the only thing there for me at that time. I didn't really understand what had happened, and still to this day don't know the full details. But that was the moment that my anxiety started. 



Now I'm nearly 18 and I haven't seen my dad for 10 years, we were at a theme park last time I was with him. Was a nice day out. I do blame myself for why the contact was lost, I just felt so embarrassed talking to my mother about him, and I saw him less and less often as the years went by until the relationship just dissolved. Dreams are like dust, one minute they're there and reachable, the next they've vanished into memory.


----------



## TruthWithin

This girl thought it was funny to go around and ask people if they had their first kiss and brought it up in front of the whole class that I hadn't... 
Forcing myself sick countless times to get out of school early and just lay in my bedroom doing nothing.
When I was taking the SAT I had a nose bleed right in the middle of the exam. I was in the furthest seat from the door so I had to tell the teacher and they made me walk back in with a garbage pale to throw tissues in.. Needless to say it was an awkward walk across the room with every single person staring me down...
Countless embarrassing presentations to add to the list


----------



## vanilla90

Damn, I could totally post another one of these but I am far too tired


----------



## nullptr

vanilla90 said:


> Damn, I could totally post another one of these but I am far too tired


Wow you lived a really rough childhood.

Screw it I'll post mine. I was what would be considered bullied from elementary to middle school and even into 9th because I was nerdy and quiet, thankfully most of that ended when I switched schools before leaving middle, I hated those kids and really want to hurt them to this day. I absoulutly hate the position the educational system has been put in by stupid politicians, students lack control and a voice in a similar fashion to fascism and so to regain it they abuse others like a fascist system.


----------



## wordscancutyoulikeglass

Damn, some of you guys have had it tough... Mine's sad but I don't think it's too bad.

I had really bad anxiety growing up (social and general) and then when I was 11 I became clinically depressed, mostly stemmed from low self esteem and my anxiety kicked up because I became an atheist and then had to hide it from my ever-Christian family, and with both the anxiety and depression it made me suicidal for a good many years. I did have a phase of anorexia where I lost a bit of weight due to my body-image probelms(it didn't last and I was never hospitalized). I've never really accepted myself, and my sisters were always very cruel to me, even now, but they would call me awful names and say I was worthless and stupid, and my parent's never did anything to stop them. I did start doing competitive volleyball, which helped the first two years and I actually made friends and it gave me purpose. But I started getting on teams where I was the outcast, and I would escape to the bathroom every chance I got. My anxiety came back so much I would hyperventilate in the car every time we went to a practice. School I've always been the shy kid, but some people would realize that once I became comfortable with people I could be fun and outgoing(to a degree). I've gotten rid of the anxiety with atheism in the past year so at least I have that gone, but the SA and depression have never left.


----------



## gamingpup

I used to be a huge bully to gain popularity in year 6... not to the other kids but to the teachers I used take the piss out of them while in lesson out loud and if they tryed telling me off I just laughed at them. It came to the point where I made my teacher cry... I regret what I said soo much. I just wanted friends. (It worked I got my first gf this way. Says something about the community doesnt it?) then in secondary school I kept setting off the fire alarm so I got sent home and didnt have to go to school. (I eventually got kicked out) Yay me :< ?


----------



## IHateComingUpWithUserName

In 7th grade, our class was having a discussion and something that was said reminded a fellow classmate of mine about something that happened to me in elementary school (nothing bad). So she raised her hand and told the story startng out with "there's this girl in our grade..." and my teacher gave her a funny look and said "you mean her right over there?" As she acknowledged me. Without thinking, she shook her head no and said i wasn't in her class. When she turned around and saw me, she apologized, but the sad part was it was the middle of March..


----------



## glenduval

when im at a date . i hold her hands when we were crossing the street , but she avoid my touch . im so shy and try to look cool by saying " i see that ure are still shy " 
damn she doesnt even consider this as a date . never contact again after that .
i feel like a rapist muahaha


----------



## glenduval

when im at a date . i hold her hands when we were crossing the street , but she avoid my touch . im so shy and try to look cool by saying " i see that ure are still shy " 
damn she doesnt even consider this as a date . never contact again after that .
i feel like a rapist muahaha 
im kind of sad though ,but its her lost 
yeah keep saying to myself that :b


----------



## glenduval

gamingpup said:


> I used to be a huge bully to gain popularity in year 6... not to the other kids but to the teachers I used take the piss out of them while in lesson out loud and if they tryed telling me off I just laughed at them. It came to the point where I made my teacher cry... I regret what I said soo much. I just wanted friends. (It worked I got my first gf this way. Says something about the community doesnt it?) then in secondary school I kept setting off the fire alarm so I got sent home and didnt have to go to school. (I eventually got kicked out) Yay me :< ?


so do u still go to school then?


----------



## Zein

Aye said:


> Well I've never went to any of the extreme lengths some of you have gone to to avoid something although I skipped a lot classes this year.
> 
> One of my worst experiences and it is something I think about everyday was about a year and a half ago. I suffer from IBS mostly triggered by social anxiety so exams are nightmare. During my math exam my stomach began making its usual squealing whale noises. Everyone laughed including the teacher and then I ran out and cried in the principals office. Thankfully I have a separate exam room now but its still embarrassing in front of the supervisor.
> 
> After that incident I became more anxious. My best friend started ignoring me one day and hasn't glanced at me since. Both incidents made me feel worthless and undeserving of friends. One by one pI lost most of my friends at school. Thankfully I have some good friends outside of school.


I feel your pain! I have IBS and exams are a nightmare for me! :afr


----------



## Zein

vanilla90 said:


> An early memory, I was about 3 years old. My short life up until then was stable and happy. Fast asleep in my bedroom, I had no idea my life would be changed drastically from this incident. I heard loud noises coming from downstairs, and innocently I skipped down the spiral staircase roaring like a dinosaur. Dinosaurs were my passion as a kid and I was completely obsessed with them. The noises were coming from the kitchen, and from my stairs I could see two shadows coming from the room; a dim light emanating the figures across the hall. The pale glow was distorted, and the shadowy figures danced and dissipated to and fro like dark sentinels.
> 
> As I approached the open door, the noises grew louder. Shouting. Screaming. Shrieking. I was scared, my limbs trembling. I peaked around the corner. My mother in one corner of the room, my father in the other. Mother was holding a knife, and my father a half empty glass of beer. The only words that I can remember, is my dad roaring incoherently "you won't take my son away from me'! Over and over and over again. Just thinking about it now, I can hear his voice, as clear as it was fifteen years ago. My dad left that night, and my mother didn't stop crying for a few days after. I sort of just sat on my own for a few weeks after that, it was mid November and it rained heavily throughout the whole month. I remember the clear glass door to my back garden, I just sat there and stared at the sky as it rained. Those few weeks make me realise why I have a connection with rain, why rain makes me comfortable; because it was the only thing there for me at that time. I didn't really understand what had happened, and still to this day don't know the full details. But that was the moment that my anxiety started.
> 
> Now I'm nearly 18 and I haven't seen my dad for 10 years, we were at a theme park last time I was with him. Was a nice day out. I do blame myself for why the contact was lost, I just felt so embarrassed talking to my mother about him, and I saw him less and less often as the years went by until the relationship just dissolved. Dreams are like dust, one minute they're there and reachable, the next they've vanished into memory.


:blank wow! Beautifully written


----------



## Holic2110

ive been to 3 different school every year of middle school.. had freinds at first school but soon forgot how to make them because of moving n results of bullying n shyness... which led to social anxiety. i had crappy home... my brother made home terrible plus the fact we had to move in with my great grandmother to care for her... of course with many people coming in andnout seeing about her... stress from new school there... high school sux crap... feel like alien everyday... get called one too... i aspire to be entertainer but with social anxiety, it seems like an unachievable goal... sometimes i try to pray but im like wats the use... ik shouldnt say that but pain is hard to overcome... 

this world is hard n cold... hurts like a train coming at u full force... theres happy days but sometimes it seems like the rainy days cloudy up the good ones


----------



## KeepCalmStayHappy

Im nearly 16 now, and for the past ten years I have been adopted by an amazing family, but I have been in their almost since birth.
Since year 8 (second year of primary school for those of you not from England) I have had this recurring thought that my adoptive family will get sick of me and throw me out, and it went for a while, as I spoke to my friends about it and, while they helped the situation for a while when I was at school and not in the house, I still felt like **** at home, because I was constantly arguing with my mum because I was missing my birth family, and it hurt my adoptive parents a lot, which I regret.

But now that Im closing in on my sixteenth birthday,its all beginning to come back to me; missing my birth parents, silently crying at night because I want to see them and I can't, and being really low during the day and just not wanting to get out of bed at all. And Im finding it hard to talk about it, even to my best friend, although she knows exactly what Im going through (I won't go into detail, she'll kill me if I do) but I can't help feeling that by not confiding in her and my other friends and people who I can trust, Im pushing them all away, and I don't want to do that, but if I do confide in them, it feels as if they're getting bored of having to listen to my problems everyday. I just don't kno what to do. I want to talk to my best friend about it, I mean, Ive mentioned it, but we only touched on the subject, but I just want to tell her everything, but I don't want to put my problems in her head because I know she's going through stuff herself which I don't know about, and Im gonna let her tell me when she wants to, if she wants to, but I don't know who else to turn to but her, hence why I telling complete strangers all of this..


What can I do?


----------



## something there

- In first grade, I had a mental breakdown in class when I couldn't see the board because I needed glasses and didn't realize that (being a 1st grader). So started to cry because I had no idea what was going on, and my teacher took me in the hallway, looked me dead in the eye, and demanded that I suck it up. It's amazing how vividly you can remember these kind of events. It thoroughly destroyed me socially for years after.

-My first and only school dance was sophomore homecoming where my dad set me up on a blind date (already pathetic) who was a cheerleader at another school. So I agreed even though I didn't want to go for the sake of making her happy since she really wanted to go. I had the most awkward dinner of my life where I literally could not think of one thing to say to her. Upon getting to the dance, as soon as we walked in she ditched me while I was hanging up my coat to go find her other friends that she actually cared about. At one point we looked right at each other and she just walked around me. I just stood at the side the entire time, occasionally moving to get a drink, which I had about 12 of because I had nothing else to do. We didn't see each other until the dance was over (which for me was about 3 minutes after walking in). We then sat in dead silence when I was dropped off at home. I then lied to my dad and said that it was a great time and I really enjoyed the experience.


----------



## One Man Band

This is the saddest story I have that doesn't involve death of a family member (I don't wanna bum you out too much.)

When I was a freshman, I had this crush on a girl, who I thought liked me back. It was around Valentine's Day, but I didn't know how to ask her out, so I tried doing something that sounds creepy in retrospect.

Everyday for about 2 weeks, I went fishing at this one spot, because I knew that she lived across the street from the lake. From where I was fishing, she would've seen me from her front window. I was hoping that one day, she'd see me there all lonely and come keep me company. How gushy is that?

So on Valentine's Day, I did the same thing: the bus dropped me off from school, I walked 30 minutes from my house, crossed 2 highways, and approached the lake. Keep in mind that it's February, it's almost freezing cold outside. I put a chicken liver on my hook, casted it out, and sat there. 4 hours go by. It was dark, I was cold, I didn't catch anything, and the girl never came out. I had to pick up my stuff and had to endure that lonely walk home.

I felt like crying, but I had to hold it in until I got home. No one wants to see a 15 year old crying on the street. When I got home, I basically collapsed on my bed. I didn't cry, I toughed it out from holding it back so long. If I ever had a chance, thenI blew it.

I think she knew, but she never acknowledged it.


----------



## Levibebop

One Man Band said:


> This is the saddest story I have that doesn't involve death of a family member (I don't wanna bum you out too much.)
> 
> When I was a freshman, I had this crush on a girl, who I thought liked me back. It was around Valentine's Day, but I didn't know how to ask her out, so I tried doing something that sounds creepy in retrospect.
> 
> Everyday for about 2 weeks, I went fishing at this one spot, because I knew that she lived across the street from the lake. From where I was fishing, she would've seen me from her front window. I was hoping that one day, she'd see me there all lonely and come keep me company. How gushy is that?
> 
> So on Valentine's Day, I did the same thing: the bus dropped me off from school, I walked 30 minutes from my house, crossed 2 highways, and approached the lake. Keep in mind that it's February, it's almost freezing cold outside. I put a chicken liver on my hook, casted it out, and sat there. 4 hours go by. It was dark, I was cold, I didn't catch anything, and the girl never came out. I had to pick up my stuff and had to endure that lonely walk home.
> 
> I felt like crying, but I had to hold it in until I got home. No one wants to see a 15 year old crying on the street. When I got home, I basically collapsed on my bed. I didn't cry, I toughed it out from holding it back so long. If I ever had a chance, thenI blew it.
> 
> I think she knew, but she never acknowledged it.


I've done things like this. :\


----------



## Studying

One of the most embarrassing stories I can think about is when i was in the 7th grade in art class. This kid that was my "friend" used to down talk me whenever he was around other people but me. While I was in art class one day we were doing some project that required us to draw straight lines so we had rulers set out for us on the table. Some "popular" kids sat in a table close to us. The usual down talking and stuff to make him apparently seem cooler. Suddenly he grabs a ruler and starts hitting me with it in the arm until it almost breaks. the slaps were pretty loud and the whole class could hear it. My friend just laughs like its a joke and i just sat there and took the hitting constantly for an hour while the class stood there and watched. During that time I was a pretty tall for a 7th grader and could have easily knocked him out but during that time i had social anxiety (not as bad as i had it today) and i did not want to seem like a guy that couldn't take a joke, not to mention i could not stand up for my self to save my life(my voice would quiver, and it just humiliate me more. we ended up using the rulers for the rest of the week so i just got beat up by a ruler for 3 days straight every art class. Eventually one of the popular kids said "why don't you stand up for yourself." I basically replied that i did not bother me. So basically the rest of the week I humiliated for an hour straight at the end of the day. Also, the Teacher did nothing about it because she was half deaf and she always went out of the room for some reason. For those three days I went home and cried for an hour. after that my social anxiety got much worse. i'm just glad he ended up switching schools when we went to high school


----------



## Studying

something there said:


> - In first grade, I had a mental breakdown in class when I couldn't see the board because I needed glasses and didn't realize that (being a 1st grader). So started to cry because I had no idea what was going on, and my teacher took me in the hallway, looked me dead in the eye, and demanded that I suck it up. It's amazing how vividly you can remember these kind of events. It thoroughly destroyed me socially for years after.


I know how this feels. I used to cry in the first grade too in front of the whole class because i could not see the board and i had to answer a question that was written on there. I was flooded with anxiety when the teacher made me walk up to the board to read and answer the question. and i started crying when up there with the the whole class silently staring at me.


----------



## ShatteredGlass

Back when I was 13, people used to bully me by calling me name I couldn't stand. One day, I was having a crappy day and somebody called me the name.

I totally lost it. If I had a knife, I probably would have tried to stab them or something. I let my anger out by screaming and crying VERY LOUDLY. I was EXTREMELY angry, and sad. This was also giving me a panic attack. I was so scared that I felt like throwing up.
I had never felt anything like it, it was the most extreme emotion I had ever had. I was crying my eyes out, had red cheeks, and I was so panicked and overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. Eventually, a group of teachers came along and calmed me down. It took about half an hour to calm me down.

After this, I was certain that my reputation was shattered. I managed to go back to school a few days later, and I did get a few looks, but it wasn't too bad.


----------



## kjwkjw

"you are son of your mother, you only got dna from here, you are like a women," a girl to me, she was a classmate.

"you dond need those condoms, give it to me, you will never get a girl" a classmate to me, infront of all the girls in the class. about the condoms, we hade a teacher there who teach us about sex, and at the end, she gave the whole class condoms.

"where did you buy your lipstick?" a old lady to me (also several others have said this)

"you look like a tranny" another girl from my class

"you are much older than me and still you are a virgin..hahahahhaha....you are like the biggest loser in the world..." my brother to me

"you dont have friends, you have never had a girl, you are ugly, you are strange, you complete useless" my dad to me, around 100 times he have said this.


----------



## ThisGirl15

I remember back in middle school I used to be a friendly terms with this guy(I wasn't attracted to him but we got along pretty well). So one day I got in an argument with this other guy that hated my guts, and he eventually said that nearly everyone in our class hated me. I told him that was not true so he asked the guy that I always got along with if everyone hated me and if he hated me and he said 'yes'. I got so upset and hurt that I ran to the front office and started crying. It was one of times that I cried so hard.

Another story is that the people on my bus would pick on me. So the bus always stopped in front of my house and some days my dogs would be outside in the front yard. The kids on the bus started calling them 'ugly rat dogs'(one was a chihuahua and my other dog wad a Yorkie mix). At first I was able to ignore them but then they started talking about ways to kill my dogs, so once I got home I pretty locked myself in my room and cried for a while.

I cried a lot during middle school. The bullying pretty much caused me to become completely shy, extremely self-concious, and have low self-esteem. And I also have a hard time emotionally connecting with people and trusting them. I always fear that friends will abandon or reject me so I try not to get emotionally invested in people. After 7th grade I vowed to myself that I would stop being a crybaby but now I have a hard tome expressing emotion to most people as well as expressing how I feel.

Well could have been worse.


----------



## ThisGirl15

kjwkjw said:


> "you are son of your mother, you only got dna from here, you are like a women," a girl to me, she was a classmate.
> 
> "you dond need those condoms, give it to me, you will never get a girl" a classmate to me, infront of all the girls in the class. about the condoms, we hade a teacher there who teach us about sex, and at the end, she gave the whole class condoms.
> 
> "where did you buy your lipstick?" a old lady to me (also several others have said this)
> 
> "you look like a tranny" another girl from my class
> 
> "you are much older than me and still you are a virgin..hahahahhaha....you are like the biggest loser in the world..." my brother to me
> 
> "you dont have friends, you have never had a girl, you are ugly, you are strange, you complete useless" my dad to me, around 100 times he have said this.


It sounds like you were emotionally and verbally abused by most people. I feel very sorry for you.


----------



## kjwkjw

ThisGirl15 said:


> It sounds like you were emotionally and verbally abused by most people. I feel very sorry for you.


I did not even answear to them...just feak smile..I could not say something "mean" back to them...becuse they have no defects and everyone respects them...and If I did, they would just go even harder on me..

but they are right, im patethic.


----------



## ThisGirl15

kjwkjw said:


> I did not even answear to them...just feak smile..I could not say something "mean" back to them...becuse they have no defects and everyone respects them...and If I did, they would just go even harder on me..
> 
> but they are right, im patethic.


Those who are pathetic are ones who put others down. I sincerely wish you could see that. I suppose being surrounded by jerks your whole life gets to you though. Have you ever tried to be more?


----------



## kjwkjw

ThisGirl15 said:


> Those who are pathetic are ones who put others down. I sincerely wish you could see that. I suppose being surrounded by jerks your whole life gets to you though. Have you ever tried to be more?


people who have been around and hear it did not care and some was laughing. people who put others down get respects becuse the have balls, it sucks.

jerks and jerks...im the most usless human being that has ever lived, so I deserve that.

what do you mean with ever tried to be more?


----------



## ThisGirl15

kjwkjw said:


> people who have been around and hear it did not care and some was laughing. people who put others down get respects becuse the have balls, it sucks.
> 
> jerks and jerks...im the most usless human being that has ever lived, so I deserve that.
> 
> what do you mean with ever tried to be more?


It's because the world is fallen. Society since the dawn of time praises those who sin and are power-hungry and put down those who are kind and aspire for good things. They victimize anyone who is weaker or is a threat and get of to the enjoyment of it. I certainly would rather live a life away from that sort of society but it's everywhere. That's how it's always been and that's how it will always be.

Being useless means you're unproductive. It means you are nothing, have nothing, and can give nothing. I don't believe anyone's useless and I certainly don't believe everyone is special but I enjoy this chat with you so you mustn't be completely useless. You're giving me a conversation and a in look to life. Am I giving you anything as well?

Well I was wondering if you any desires? Something like that?


----------



## hnstlylonelyaf

intentionally drinking liquid soap/sticking my finger down my throat to induce vomit so that there would be a big chance of me getting a stomach virus so that I don't have to go to school the next day. I used to do this alot in the 9th grade, especially when we had PE the next day :/


----------



## jsmith92

I met this girl last year......we talked for about a week and then I got her number..........after that we texted alot and talked to each other for a while and so I asked her if she wanted to hang out one day when we were texting and she said she was "busy". So then one day I friended her on Facebook and she accepted the friend request........one day I decided to comment on one of her pictures saying that the picture was really pretty apparently that wasn't okay and she started distancing herself from me after this.......after this she stopped talking to me mostly.........and then one day we had a half day at school so I walked up and said hi to her and for some reason she was startled when she saw me.............so later that day I asked her to meet me outside of school when we got out for the day and she replied "no".........unfortunately I didn't notice that I had lost cell reception after that point and so I thought she was mad at me and didn't want to talk to me anymore.... disappointed and saddened...i rushed home so that I wouldn't run into her and begin crying in front of the whole school.......as I was walking home and about half way there I received a text saying "in back instead".......she hadn't ignored me and apparently wasn't mad at me.......she just wanted to meet in back instead......so I sent her a text apologizing and left her like three voicemails but she didn't reply.....a couple days later I text her saying that I liked her and was wondering if she felt the same way and she replied just "no" ......so I asked what happened and she said "I have a thing going on with another guy"......ever since then I have been devastated by her and have not been able to talk to any girls........I have lost all my confidence and self esteem......I'm still crushed as I post this.......now I have a crush on one of her friends and this makes me think about what the girl did to me every time I see her friend........I still see both of them in the same class and I hate it so much it sucks I just wish I could've gotten that second message and had cell reception when I was sitting there thinking that she was mad at me


----------



## jsmith92

One Man Band said:


> This is the saddest story I have that doesn't involve death of a family member (I don't wanna bum you out too much.)
> 
> When I was a freshman, I had this crush on a girl, who I thought liked me back. It was around Valentine's Day, but I didn't know how to ask her out, so I tried doing something that sounds creepy in retrospect.
> 
> Everyday for about 2 weeks, I went fishing at this one spot, because I knew that she lived across the street from the lake. From where I was fishing, she would've seen me from her front window. I was hoping that one day, she'd see me there all lonely and come keep me company. How gushy is that?
> 
> So on Valentine's Day, I did the same thing: the bus dropped me off from school, I walked 30 minutes from my house, crossed 2 highways, and approached the lake. Keep in mind that it's February, it's almost freezing cold outside. I put a chicken liver on my hook, casted it out, and sat there. 4 hours go by. It was dark, I was cold, I didn't catch anything, and the girl never came out. I had to pick up my stuff and had to endure that lonely walk home.
> 
> I felt like crying, but I had to hold it in until I got home. No one wants to see a 15 year old crying on the street. When I got home, I basically collapsed on my bed. I didn't cry, I toughed it out from holding it back so long. If I ever had a chance, thenI blew it.
> 
> I think she knew, but she never acknowledged it.


This is how my life is.......i always try to get noticed by a girl but not a single one ever acknowledges me ever since that girl crushed me last year


----------



## thepigeon2222

hnstlylonelyaf said:


> intentionally drinking liquid soap/sticking my finger down my throat to induce vomit so that there would be a big chance of me getting a stomach virus so that I don't have to go to school the next day. I used to do this alot in the 9th grade, especially when we had PE the next day :/


this makes me feel sad :um


----------



## ShatteredGlass

hnstlylonelyaf said:


> intentionally drinking liquid soap/sticking my finger down my throat to induce vomit so that there would be a big chance of me getting a stomach virus so that I don't have to go to school the next day. I used to do this alot in the 9th grade, especially when we had PE the next day :/


OMG That's awful. You don't still do that do you?


----------



## lonely pizza

Anxiety related:

I basically live in the library (which is ridiculous and pathetic but what can you do?), but the good thing is that I'm not the only one that's always in the library (there are some really well dressed people who you'd think were popular but are socially awkward like me). 

I don't eat lunch and breakfast which means indirect starvation for 6 hours, I don't eat lunch because I'm too scared to go to the college cafeteria and I'm too scared to sit alone in cafés which actually seems fun but it would be better to go with someone. 

Everything sucks because I have no friends. And friends are important, although I would be alone for the rest of my life and be happy with that but how do you say to someone 'I don't want to be your friend' when they try to be your friend (no one does anyway but this is for future reference). But I just want one friend that we can do practically everything together like study and sit in cafés and go to each other's houses and sit in parks etc.

BUT THAT WONT HAPPEN SO FOREVER ALONE.

Non-anxiety related:

Nothing?


----------



## Logston

Not really "sob" stories but some woe is me..

- My last full year in public school I sat with the same group of girls at lunch the entire year. For the very short time I was in school this year, I was placed next to them during study hall. None of them had remembered my name. A FULL YEAR OF LUNCH AND THEY DONT REMEMBER SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS MY BLASTED NAME. I mean I know I didn't talk much (okay or at all), but I even had classes with them!!

- About a year ago, I was third-wheeling with my friend and her bf. The bf said to me "You make me think of somebody who would shoot up a school." He was such a nice guy.. *eye roll*

- Like some of you, I've tried drastic stuff to simply miss school. I tried to break or sprain a bone in hopes of getting off when I was thirteen. Nothing I tried that wouldn't be super obviously intentional worked, though. I always have done the laxatives like somebody else here.. Idunno there is so much I've done to just get out of school and I had missed over five times the allowed absences (twice technically, but one of the school years I was genuinely ill for 20-30ish out of 50 or so days).

- Crying in front of French class after missing half a quarter and getting back the exam with a "C" written on it. Full on tears and red chest. Oh god this was just plain pathetic on my part..


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## anxiousmofo

Having rotten teeth at the age of 12, followed by fart-like breath. Have not smiled (while showing teeth) in front of *anybody*, since.


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## anxiousmofo

Own mother chaising me with heavy objects, while screaming 'I will kill you' with crazy stare.. she was on one of many mental episodes. Since there were so many of them, even the episodes that had affected me directly seem to blure, but thinkin about past this one poped out.


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