# A few steps in the right direction...



## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Hiya! 

Me again. Long post, sorry.

I haven't been on here in a while. I felt great when I first logged on here, and it was great being able to talk frankly about the things that trouble me, and try and help others too. It really helped.

However, recently I've kind of regressed back into my default state of self-loathing misery. Gone back into my 'monastic' frame of mind where I just sit around and ruminate on loneliness and death and don't speak to anybody, not even on the interweb. I made the mistake of assuming my new-found optimism would be a permanent thing, and boy did that come back and bite me on the n-ts.

I thought coming on here and sharing the barely-worth-mentioning progress I have actually made in recent months might cheer me up a bit. Worth a try anyhow. I hope you don't mind.

First of all, I made good on my promise of going to church, and attended a service last Sunday. It went okay. Everybody was very welcoming, and I didn't have a panic attack or act wierd, apart from blushing bright red when I had to sing hymns. I will go back again, and try and be baptised/confirmed asap. However, I do fully understand this isn't the answer to all my problems and it never will be.

Secondly, I managed to join a dating site, which I had never dared to do before. Unfortunately, so far all I've done is aquire an internet pen-friend who says she is too shy to even talk to me on the phone yet, let alone meet me. Cruelly ironic, don't you think? I'm finally getting a taste of my own medicine, and it's bl00dy annoying. Anyway, I guess I'm better off now than I was, and maybe one day I might actually get to meet her. Or somebody else. I dunno. It's a start anyway.

Thirdly, I actually managed to go down the pub and meet three old mates of mine last sunday and I didn't freak out. It went alright, the important thing was I didn't hyperventilate or act wierd or make a t!t out of myself and they said they'll look forward to seeing me again.

And I found this link to my old band's MySpace page, if anybody cares... 
http://www.myspace.com/flacidashtrack
Reminded me of how I used to get out and do stuff before I just gave up trying and got really bad. I guess in a way my playing guitar live was a 'triumph' over social phobia too. Or at the very least, a triumph for alchohol and cannabis consumption over social phobia, anway.

Feel free to take a look at the photos and the songs on the playlist (the first 4 songs are good, the other 2 are rubbish, so ignore those). The videos of the band playing are from after I left, so you won't see me playing, but don't let that stop you.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I guess I've posted this not only as therapy for myself, but as thanks to everybody on here who has offered me advice and encouragement. I really do appreciate all everybody on here has done for me, and hope that in the future I can offer you the same help as you have to me.

Cheers!


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## Indigo Flow (Oct 3, 2009)

wow, good for you. I have been thinking about going to church too. and as for the girl being too shy, i can understand that, i HATE talking over the phone because i hate the way i sound, so maybe she was being honest? and i think it's great you went out with some friends. Don't give up now 

i'm gonna go check out that website now


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Indigo Flow said:


> wow, good for you. I have been thinking about going to church too. and as for the girl being too shy, i can understand that, i HATE talking over the phone because i hate the way i sound, so maybe she was being honest? and i think it's great you went out with some friends. Don't give up now
> 
> i'm gonna go check out that website now


Thanks! Perhaps you're right, I am being a *bit* hard on her and it is incredibly hypocritical of me as a social phobia sufferer to be criticising her for being a bit shy. So I'll be patient and kind and wait until she knows me better, after all, it's how I expect people to treat me. Don't worry, I haven't been pressuring her to do anything she isn't happy with, and atm I'm content enough just swapping emails, I guess. Just it is a dating site, y'know?

If you're thinking of going to church, my experience is that they'll be really nice to you. I mean, most people hate me, but if these people did, they didn't let on, and were really keen for me to get involved. So give it a go!

Like you say, I can't just give up now.

Cheers!


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## eraseme (Feb 26, 2009)

Zombie Sheep said:


> I thought coming on here and sharing the barely-worth-mentioning progress I have actually made in recent months might cheer me up a bit. Worth a try anyhow. I hope you don't mind.


You had to learn to walk before you could run, right? 

Congrats on the progress you've made, however small you consider it.


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