# How do I make new friends at university?



## WhereTo (Nov 18, 2012)

Alright here's the thing. I was never popular in highschool and I was hoping that it would change in university. Instead of getting better, I think it actually got worse because I don't have one single close friend here. 

Is it still too late to make new friends? Everyone seems to already have found their "group". Take for example my roommate. We get along but we're not that close. She has a really close bond with five girls on our floor, they're always in our room trying to find her to hang out. It makes me feel like a loser that no one comes find me. I even have to go to the dining halls alone and sit by myself because no one invites me. I'm also really busy with school, added to the fact is that no one ever invites me any where and a lot of the times even when I tag along I have nothing to talk about.

It's not that I don't talk to people. I have a lot of acquaintances through residence, clubs, and classes but like I said it's hard to be close because they already have their "group". Also, in a lot of events I feel like such a loser because I can't even get 10 people to sign up with me and I feel awkward going to parties alone. So now, being lame as I am..I'm staying in on weekends. 

Lastly, because I was so lonely when I got a boyfriend I kinda hung out with him all the time. I know it's stupid but I honestly don't have any other friends. Keep in mind that the above problems happened before I even got a boyfriend . My boyfriend seems to get along with people fine and he's really social, but I don't want to have my friend base to be all HIS friends. Oh and also, a lot of the potential friends I made in the beginning kinda didn't work out..especially the guys after I got together with my boyfriend. What's with that?

I'm just extremely overwhelmed right now. Not only am I not doing well socially, but because I'm so caught up and depressed I'm doing horribly in school as well. This is also not helping my self-esteem. I know it's stupid but I've always thought that I wasn't attarctive and also because I live in a predominately white area being a minority doesn't help either. A lot of the people talk **** here which is one reason I'm even more self-conscious...Added to the fact that I'm busy I'm missing a lot of social events and feeling extremly over whelmed when people DO talk to me. I have an ambivert personality.. meaning I like my space but I also like being social, this experience is really pushing me to my shell and I don't like that. I do enjoy going out and having good times with friends 

sorry for the rant btw


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## WhereTo (Nov 18, 2012)

In addition, sometimes I dont even FEEL like socializing anymore


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## Yog369 (Oct 26, 2012)

WhereTo said:


> In addition, sometimes I dont even FEEL like socializing anymore


Being ambivert again?

Just out of curiosity do you like the party environment? Would you like to go and enjoy parties? I'm asking because there are some people i know that like going to clubs and parties whilst other people i know prefer going out for lunch/dinner or inviting people over for dinner (this is university students i'm talking about).

You seem to be very active in groups and stuff so its kinda surprising that you struggle to make friends. I can't say I can offer you much advice but just to tell you something that i found quite interesting, I was in the library once and saw someone i knew and so i said hi. This person isn't very popular or good-looking but they were really friendly. They then went to sit at a desk and then made some comment on their books or something. The guy sitting next to her said something and then somehow they started having a conversation. Then she introduced me to the person and it turned out we had a common friend. So you can make friends in unusual places. Of course i don't suggest going to a library and randomly talking to everyone. But just food for thought...


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## WhereTo (Nov 18, 2012)

Yog369 said:


> Just out of curiosity do you like the party environment? Would you like to go and enjoy parties? I'm asking because there are some people i know that like going to clubs and parties whilst other people i know prefer going out for lunch/dinner or inviting people over for dinner (this is university students i'm talking about).


I actually like both, but I think most of the time I enjoy the dinner environment. I'm not a huge partier but it would be nice to go out with close friends..

and for the library thing, I do meet random people at times the problem is maintaining that friendship so that we would be good friends


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## ACCV93 (Sep 6, 2012)

At least you live on campus, I don't even live on campus so it is much harder to make friends  I kind of wonder what it would be like if I stayed in residence, which I might still do 2nd year


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## Yog369 (Oct 26, 2012)

WhereTo said:


> I actually like both, but I think most of the time I enjoy the dinner environment. I'm not a huge partier but it would be nice to go out with close friends..
> 
> and for the library thing, I do meet random people at times the problem is maintaining that friendship so that we would be good friends


Perhaps you are too busy? I'm sorry if im not very helpful, I have a problem with friends that shares some similarities to yours.

Sent from my Lumia 800 using Board Express


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## lifeviatim (Nov 22, 2012)

How about having study sessions with some of your acquaintances? Everyone has to study and the more you hang out with a certain set of people the more THEY will be comfortable with you. I sometimes think that most people are somewhat self-conscious. If that thought is true, than they can be just as reclusive as some with SA. Most people appreciate that act of being asked to get together. Take the initiative initiative


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## Okajuurou (Jan 6, 2012)

It seems you have a lot of acquaintances, but there is a 'quantity over quality' issue, right? 
Hmm, I think you should work on 'quality' with those acquaintances first. Try to bring the quality into those relationships if possible by doing very small things. One step at a time... 
And don't stress too much about it too. But if you do stress, you should use Services at your school, they will be able to help you, since your mental health does affect everything else, including your studies.


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## mslamr (Jul 31, 2011)

you need to stop caring about wheter you will make friends or not and be self sufficient then it will happen naturally. Also being genuinely interested in other people doesnt hurt and be patient.


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