# Suggestions..help!!!



## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

This guy that i have been talking to for about 3 weeks now, is coming to spend the day with me tomorrow. He is spending the night as well...plans on leaving sometime that Monday evening. 

Thing is, i have no clue...what to say, or how to entertain him. I dont want to bore the guy to to death I already told him, there will be no sex( :sus ), and he is fine with that(i know the guys are thinking, yeah right..lol). He just said...he wanted to spend some time with me. 

I am going to cook for him, that i do know. A good sunday dinner, just for the 2 of us. 

So guys, what i'm i going to do? How do i entertain this guy. I really like him, and i want him to leave happy that he came. Yeah, we've been talking on the phone, and i seen him in person about 2 times, but this here is different. It will just be us in my apartment, and neither one of us have a car at the moment..so we can't drive anywhere. 

Need suggestions from females and males, who has been in this situation without dying..lol!!! :help D*mn, i hate being soo dull.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Is anything within walking distance? Maybe take a cab or the bus and go somewhere during the day? For the evening you should rent a vid during the day and get some wine or something like that, so you can watch it later on that evening. Also, just taking a walk night would be something to do as well if it's nice out.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

shyvr6 said:


> Is anything within walking distance? Maybe take a cab or the bus and go somewhere during the day? For the evening you should rent a vid during the day and get some wine or something like that, so you can watch it later on that evening. Also, just taking a walk night would be something to do as well if it's nice out.


Yeah, there are a few restuarants near by that we could walk to, but i plan on cooking, so thats not an option :b I liked the dvd and the walking at night suggestion though :yes


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Movies are always good.

Pop in a DVD, throw some Popcorn into the microwave.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

You guys are no help at all....I was expecting about 100 replies..lol!!! 

SNO, I don't own a microwave, they are bad for you.


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Shauna said:


> SNO, I don't own a microwave, they are bad for you.


Any ill effects caused by them are negligible at worst, presuming normal operating conditions.


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## nu shoez (Dec 13, 2006)

if i were you, i wouldn't worry about it tooooooo much, you guys will find stuff to do, and besides, if he really likes you he'd be happy not doing anything as long as it's with u. :mushy anywhooooo, maybe if u live in an interesting area, show him around, give him a mini-tour...sorry idk any other suggestions because it's harder since neither of u own a car, but yeah...GOOD LUCK AND GIVE US AN UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

I will comeback with an update. It better be a good one too. 

He just pissed me off tonight, i shouldn't cook sh*t for his boney a*s tomorrow :mum Ugh, i swear YOU MEN ARE FROM ANOTHER PLANET. SA or not, i mit as well just stay my a*s single.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I've been in your situation but I can't say I'll be of any help because all we done was pretty much sit around and watch tv/movies...not much else to do around the house I guess :stu But apparently it bored some of them so much that they didn't stick around much longer after that.... :stu even been told by a few that I was boring, had a dry personality, etc... but then, a FEW others didn't seem to mind at all, weren't too picky, and just liked spending time with me I guess...so it really just depends on the person & what they like, I guess.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Shauna said:


> I will comeback with an update. It better be a good one too.
> 
> He just pissed me off tonight, i shouldn't cook sh*t for his boney a*s tomorrow :mum Ugh, i swear YOU MEN ARE FROM ANOTHER PLANET. SA or not, i mit as well just stay my a*s single.


I didn't see this until after I posted.... sorry to hear that  But, you could always cook him brownies and put ex lax in them :b [and yeah I haven't actually done that myself...haha, because I know some people think I'm evil enough to do that... I never cook for anybody though, except my [ex] husband a few times. I did think about doing that to him and his sister, but never actually went through with it :b ]


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

When I had a girl over at my apartment for a weekend, we had a pretty good time just taking walks, watching movies and bike-riding. We also did other, unmentionable stuff, but that should just come naturally if you two have chemistry.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

My virgo, told me he loved me today. Of course, this was after i gave him some(eventhough i said i wasn't...rolls eyes). He came to my house today, and stayed for about 4 or 5 hours,i cooked for him..and we just layed around, talked and watched dvd's. It was nice, having someone to cuddle with. He Said he was coming back tonight. 

...When he said, i love you..i was like stop lying!!! I never knew a man to open up that quick. He also told me, to stop talking to my guy friends(only have 2). We've only been knowing each other for about 4 or 5 weeks. He calls me about 2 or 3 times a day. 

He seems to have two personalitys. When he is with me, he sooo quiet and laid back...don't like me asking him any deep questions. He gets irritated, saying that i'm making his head hurt. When he is around his people(family,homeboys), the man is wide open, and very talkative. Kinda bipolarish. 

He is also VERY critical(criticized my cooking :mum mad because i didn't have any hot sauce to go with the chicken), and can hurt your feelings sometimes. I've learned how to deal with it though. It dosn't bother me. It is just how he is. Everything has to be his way, or he is pissed. Serious attitude problem. Imma see whats gone happen tonight with us(besides sex). I think he is spending the night. I know i'm probaly being used, but i don't care. I don't really want a relationship no way. It seems like we both have commitment issues. 

.....He is already starting to show controlling, and possessive ways. Talking about he is the Master, and he owns me. He also doesn't like to use condoms :sigh He can't have kids, and i'm on birth control...and we are both clean. Got tested together.

....Well, it will be another update, tonight or tomorrow. *sighs* MEN.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

Well, I'm not thrilled about his controlling behavior but it sounds like you know what you're getting into. I highly recommend keeping your friends/family close in case you need to fall back on them. I just keep in mind this quote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Shauna said:


> He is already starting to show controlling, and possessive ways. Talking about he is the Master, and he owns me.


That should be some red flags right there. It's good you don't want a relationship with him, but if you ever do, I would really think about what you're going to be getting into with these controlling issues, cause it will only get worse the more he gets involved with you.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Shauna said:


> My virgo, told me he loved me today. Of course, this was after i gave him some(eventhough i said i wasn't...rolls eyes). He came to my house today, and stayed for about 4 or 5 hours,i cooked for him..and we just layed around talked and watched dvd's on my bed. It was nice. He Said he was coming back tonight.
> 
> ...When he said, i love you..i was like stop lying!!! I never knew a man to open up that quick. He also told me, to stop talking to my guy friends. We've only been knowing each other for about 4 or 5 weeks. He calls me about 2 or 3 times a day.
> 
> ...


He sounds kinda like my [ex] husband in ways, so be careful around him!


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

..He called me stupid several times, while he was here

I see what he is all about, the real him was coming out today. Right now though...i just want somebody around. Even if they are jerks like him. I'm just pitiful. 

I don't have any dating experience(thanks to SA and Advoidant personality), so i'm sorta just learning everything at 25. I feel soo incompetent. People my age, should already know the "GAME". I feel like i'm playing catch up.

I just think i will be alone forever. I'm not fit for relationships. Guys see how inexperienced i am, and they just wanna use me. 

I will see what happpens tonight, if he comes back,like he said.


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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

I'm just saying: be careful! Be careful, my friend! :squeeze


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## nu shoez (Dec 13, 2006)

wow...this dude is making me mad :mum listen, if you don't want a relationship with him, you shouldn't even want a friendship with him...this guy is bad news no matter which way you slice it... if you know he's controlling and possessive, why do you wanna hang around him some more?? it's ONLY going to get worse, it's not even worth it. he pretty much RAPED you, he doesn't even wanna talk to you about the deep issues, he's critical of your every step..how can you see friendship with him?? i'd get away and FAST! well anywho, i hope you do, but i obviously can't force you haha, but yes keeeeeep updating.. :hug


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Shauna said:


> He forced himself on top of me,wanting to have sex. I was saying, lets just wait a while, but..by then he was already "you know what", and couldn't hear me. I just gave in


Wow, that was a f'ed up thing to do to you. Kick him to the curb even if you are lonely. :x


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Holy ****, you totally deserve somebody better than that *******.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Yeah wow, this really, really does not sound like a good plan.

Please be careful. Lonely or not, you deserve way more respect and common decency than he is showing you.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

He came back last night, like he said he would. He actually spent $24 on a cab to come down(and get back home) here. He lives in another town, about 20 or 30 mins from here. 

Anyway, we basically just hung out again, watched more dvd's and, he messed around on the computer for a while. It was an alright time. Ony thing that ruined it is, his terrible attitude and moods. His mood swings are worser than mine. When we went to bed, i couldn't touch him, untill HE wanted me to. However, when he wanted to cuddle with me...i allowed him to, because thats what i like. He is soo sweet and loving one min, then cold and aloof the next. Before, he left this morning..i was like "well i guess this is it for us..i won't be seeing you again"...then he was like "ah why you say that?"...i was like, 'because you seem like you don't like me at all...you criticize everything i do and say". He was like "man you tripping", then got quiet. He is a deep thinker, and doesn't like to open up very much. He just left about 15 mins ago, and didn't even give me a hug,kiss, or anything His attitude is terrible. He made me feel like crap the majority of the time he was here. So, another bites the dust, i guess.

Its sad, because...i really like him. He is what i want in a man appearence wise(6'3,skinny/slim,his voice,seductive deep eyes,sexy body, just everything about him. Only thing that turns me off is his personality. Looks don't mean sh*t :no 

I just give up :rain I least i tried.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

im always surprised when i hear about people not wearing condoms. doesnt matter that youre clean. doesnt matter that he is clean. if you two are not a couple then he is probably seeing other girls. if he is not using a condom with you then chances are he is not using a condom with the other girls. and that brings in more risks for you


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Why do girls always go for assholes like this?

Why?


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

If he makes you feel miserable 90% of the time then you are better off without him, no matter how good looking you feel he is.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

nubly said:


> im always surprised when i hear about people not wearing condoms. doesnt matter that youre clean. doesnt matter that he is clean. if you two are not a couple then he is probably seeing other girls. if he is not using a condom with you then chances are he is not using a condom with the other girls. and that brings in more risks for you


I know this, but i guess...i don't know :rain


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

sno said:


> Why do girls always go for @$$# like this?
> 
> Why?


Alot of women fall for the guy who treats them like crap, but ignore or get annoyed by the nice guy. I can't understand why i do this myself. It seems like all the nice looking,charming guys are the ones who treat you like sh*t. While the guys who you are not attracted to, are the genuine ones, who will treat you like a queen.

Boy, life is evil :mum

Maybe its my committment issues, low self-esteem, i don't know. I just feel sick, but i can't complain....i put myself in these positions. My head is hurting really bad right now, dealing with this jerk.

We don't have any aspirin :sigh

People are soo right, when they say, you should love yourself first before geting into a relationship. If you dont, that other person can kick you even deeper into the dirt. Can't depend on others for your happiness.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

"deep thinker"? he just sounds like a controlling *******. it won't get any better, just worse - leave him.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Yeah, i haven't spoken to him since monday. I'm hurt for some reason, but whatever. F men.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Shauna said:


> F men.


Aww, c'mon. Don't judge all of the guys because of one jerk. I don't want to be put in the same category with a guy like that. I'm sure you'll find a man who's decent out there.


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

shyvr6 said:


> Shauna said:
> 
> 
> > F men.
> ...


Yeah, definitely.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

shyvr6 said:


> Shauna said:
> 
> 
> > F men.
> ...


Sorry about that, just felt p*ssed off at the time.

I'm 25 years old, and my clock is ticking :lol I need to rid this annoying anxiety and be blessed with a decent guy, and a kid or something :spit :rofl I feel left behind/out compared to my peers.

...I'm not worried though, i'll be alright. Just gone focus on geting a job, and taking care of myself, mentally and physically. If somebody comes along, GREAT, if they don't, then thats fine too.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I'm sure you guys have made the same comments about women a few times when you were angry/upset/depressed/etc.... doesn't necessarily mean anyone thinks that about ALL women/men, but the men here get really pissy about it if you say one bad thing about men in general, out of anger.... 

I've said stuff about men sucking too when one makes me mad, but I'm never talking about anyone on HERE specifically--since I don't know anybody here in person, yet men here still get all defensive and angry and have to say something about it. :stu


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Shauna said:


> I'm 25 years old, and my clock is ticking :lol I need to rid this annoying anxiety and be blessed with a decent guy, and a kid or something :spit :rofl I feel left behind/out compared to my peers.


i hear you. i'll be 31 soon, never married and no kids. at this age i should be on my 2nd divorce with my 3rd child on the way


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

Shauna The Dead said:


> I'm sure you guys have made the same comments about women a few times when you were angry/upset/depressed/etc.... doesn't necessarily mean anyone thinks that about ALL women/men, but the men here get really @#%$ about it if you say one bad thing about men in general, out of anger....
> 
> I've said stuff about men sucking too when one makes me mad, but I'm never talking about anyone on HERE specifically--since I don't know anybody here in person, yet men here still get all defensive and angry and have to say something about it. :stu


It's a natural reaction on both ends. It's natural for the women to say "To hell with men", and it's natural for the ones at home who would never do whatever it is the woman is upset about say "Now wait a minute.."

I didn't see any angry or upset responses in here, just reassurance that not at all guys are a**holes.

And if you flip everything around, then it's just as you said.. men probably say the same thing about women and women let the guys know not all of them are that way. It's natural.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

It may have sounded angry and defensive, but I can assure you that I wasn't either of those when I responded. I was actually just being light hearted, but I guess it's hard to sound that way when you have to type it instead of saying it.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Well, he called me tonight(friday), we talked for about 30 mins. I asked him why hadn't he called me since monday, and he was like...."I been working on, and riding my 3 wheeler" :wtf He is not much of a phone person though. I asked him was he seeing anybody else, and he said no :sus He also said, he was coming back down here Monday. Said he felt bad for how he acted and wants to make it up. *rolls eyes* He is soo sweet and timid when we talk on the phone. Never brings up sex or anything. When he was down here last time, he didn't treat me like a piece of meat, like i expected. I was shocked. I was the one who made all the moves. He seeemed like he would have been fine, if we hadn't done anything. Anyway, i will see how he acts when he comes back up here monday. Giving him another chance, won't hurt. If he acts the same way, thats it!!! 

I was soo glad to hear his voice :heart :blush

Now, i have to figure out, what we gone do again. It sucks not having a car. We had a pretty good time though, just being together.

O, and i lied when i said he forced himself on top on me, last time. It was actually the other way around...i forced myself on him :spank ops :tiptoe He was respectful, just had a horrible attitude.

<<<waiting on the backlash<<<< :afr


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

You be careful around this guy, alright?

He really sounds like bad news.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Shauna said:


> Giving him another chance, won't hurt.


While it's always tempting to hope people have changed, that seems quite contradictory to several other things you've mentioned in this thread:



> He forced himself on top of me,wanting to have sex.





> ..He also called me stupid several times, while he was here





> He made me feel like crap the majority of the time he was here.





> Ony thing that ruined it is, his terrible attitude and moods. His mood swings are worser than mine.


I sincerely hope your evening with him shows a marked improvement over the last few times. I know it's really easy when you care about someone to brush off the things they do to hurt us, but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. You have the power to determine how you are treated, and the right to a level of respect he hasn't always shown you. I hope everything goes better this time.

Edit: the fact he was wonderful the last time was edited into Shauna's post after my own, so it now mine seems kindof off but I stand by it.

*NOTEWORTHY EDIT:* Why would you lie about him forcing you to have sex?


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

sno said:


> You be careful around this guy, alright?
> 
> He really sounds like bad news.


I'm being very cautious. I'm new to dating and all of this crap, so i'm sorta naive in a way I don't know what the h*ll i'm doing. I'm 25yrs old FOR GOD'S SAKE :mum

...Since, this is all new to me, i'm just taking things day by day. Learning and observing as i go. I don't have a mother(we are not close) or father(he doesnt give a d*mn about me), or anybody that i can go to for advice. Thats why i'm here. Sad, but true.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Perfectionist said:


> I sincerely hope your evening with him shows a marked improvement over the last few times. I know it's really easy when you care about someone to brush off the things they do to hurt us, but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. You have the power to determine how you are treated, and the right to a level of respect he hasn't always shown you. I hope everything goes better this time.
> 
> *NOTEWORTHY EDIT:* Why would you lie about him forcing you to have sex?


I hope so too :sigh

I don't know why i lied on him like that, guess i didn't want to come off like a *****. I'm not a virgin anymore ops

*goes to edit that post*


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Shauna said:


> Perfectionist said:
> 
> 
> > I sincerely hope your evening with him shows a marked improvement over the last few times. I know it's really easy when you care about someone to brush off the things they do to hurt us, but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. You have the power to determine how you are treated, and the right to a level of respect he hasn't always shown you. I hope everything goes better this time.
> ...


Editing it now won't make any difference. Everyone who posted afterwards saw it, a couple people referenced it, and I quoted it.

What difference does it make if you're not a virgin? I'm not a virgin, and I've never gone around telling people some guy forced himself on me when he didn't. You don't have to be a virgin to know the difference between consensual and non consensual sex. Claiming someone tried to force you to have sex when in fact they did no such thing is an insult to every single person who has ever gone through that terrifying ordeal. It is not a subject to be taken lightly, joked about, or lied about. Countless people deal with the difficulty of having their claims of rape taken seriously, and throwing accusations like that around makes their struggle just that more difficult.

People all over this forum, including myself, have shown you much concern and worried about your welfare over this situation. And now, instead of worrying, I'm going to go cool off.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Perfectionist said:


> Editing it now won't make any difference. Everyone who posted afterwards saw it, a couple people referenced it, and I quoted it.
> 
> What difference does it make if you're not a virgin? You don't have to be a virgin to know the difference between consensual and non consensual sex. Claiming someone tried to force you to have sex when in fact they did no such thing is an insult to every single person who has ever gone through that terrifying ordeal. It is not a subject to be taken lightly, joked about, or lied about. Countless people deal with the difficulty of having their claims of rape taken seriously, and throwing accusations like that around makes their struggle just that more difficult.
> 
> People all over this forum, including myself, have shown you much concern and worried about your welfare over this situation. And now, instead of worrying, I'm going to go cool off.


Guess i backed into that one :rain

He did sorta....nevermind :cry


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Shauna said:


> Perfectionist said:
> 
> 
> > Editing it now won't make any difference. Everyone who posted afterwards saw it, a couple people referenced it, and I quoted it.
> ...


You didn't back into it, you walked straight into its path.

Ah, another new edit. He did sortof now? I admit, I'm confused. First he forced you to have sex, then YOU forced HIM, then he sortof forced you, all in the same romp. This is exactly what I was saying about how real accusations of rape are undermined. I'd like to believe you, my heart goes out to you and I want to try and support you, but five minutes ago you had a _completely _different story. Do you now see how this affects people's acceptance of your trauma?

Some women have backed out of rape claims because of threats or family pressure or things of that sort, I imagine some back and forth can happen. But this is an internet forum so I don't know if any of those would really apply. I can't see any reason to back out of a truthful claim of rape that you made to complete strangers over the internet.

If he forced you in _any_ way, cut all ties with him _now_. Consider pressing charges, see a counselor or seek help in another way because that is almost impossible to go through alone. If he didn't, stop and never exaggerate about such a terrifying and horrific issue again. It's an insult to quite simply everyone involved - make that everyone, period.


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## shyguy246 (Apr 27, 2006)

This guy clearly is bad news, but since you know that, you kinda deserve what you get, you know? I'm not trying to sound mean, I hope you don't think I am. But if he treats you bad, and you let him, why would he change? I can almost assure you that you aren't the only girl he's sleeping with. He doesn't respect you and I can see you don't respect yourself. I guess the question is, are the highs you feel while with him worth the lows you feel with him. I'd be scared though if I were you, he is already emotionally abusive, and it likely won't be long until he becomes physically abusive. Bad news, all around.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

When he calls me back today, i will just tell him, to never call me again....and to just stay at home monday. Just f everything. 

I'm not capable of a relationship, just need to accept the fact. I always try to see the good in people, but i'm just too naive,idealistic, and stupid. Mit as well, start looking into geting some pets. 

This sucks, i suck :cry


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Shauna said:


> When he calls me back today, i will just tell him, to never call me again....and to not to come and see me monday. Just f everything.
> 
> I'm not capable of a relationship, just need to accept the fact. I always try to see the good in people, but i'm just too naive and stupid. Mit as well, start looking into geting some some pets.
> 
> This sucks :cry


Don't give up on relationships, as most guys have stated here in this thread this one male doesn't seem to be the norm.

The fact that you feel you are naive shouldn't make you incapable of having good relationships. If the guy treats you terribly, is rude to you, calls you stupid or forces you to have sex (still not sure if he did), don't let him in your life. Pretty much everyone, naive or not, I think would agree on that because it's a fairly simple determination. Relationship experience is not a requirement to understand when a man is treating you poorly. Even if it is your first relationship and you feel inexperienced in that part of you life, do not ignore your gut instincts.

Seeing the good in people is one thing, but you don't have to let people walk all over you in order to do so. You can believe that this guy is still a good person, while realizing that he is quite simply not right for you in terms of a relationship.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Perfectionist said:


> Don't give up on relationships, as most guys have stated here in this thread this one male doesn't seem to be the norm.
> 
> The fact that you feel you are naive shouldn't make you incapable of having good relationships. If the guy treats you terribly, is rude to you, calls you stupid or forces you to have sex (still not sure if he did), don't let him in your life. Pretty much everyone, naive or not, I think would agree on that because it's a fairly simple determination. Relationship experience is not a requirement to understand when a man is treating you poorly. Even if it is your first relationship and you feel inexperienced in that part of you life, do not ignore your gut instincts.
> 
> Seeing the good in people is one thing, but you don't have to let people walk all over you in order to do so. You can believe that this guy is still a good person, while realizing that he is quite simply not right for you in terms of a relationship.


Thanks soo much for taking the time out, to help me out. I pretty much just needed somebody to get it in my stubborn head. I can be really blind sometimes. Soo desperate to be loved by somebody(never felt loved by anybody...ever), that i just make a fool out of myself everytime. I know, he probaly clowned me, when he got back home to his friends

I have no one to turn to offline....so i truly appreciate you guys, from the bottom of my broken heart.


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

I'm sensing some mixed messages in regards to this guy... but point blank, if any or all of the stuff you've said about him is true, then you're best to not let him treat you that way and to cut ties. SA or no, you have got to set standards for yourself. Nobody is perfect, but being criticized/belittled isn't going to help you in any way, and there's no way in hell being pressured or forced into sex is going to help you.

You can bend your rules on some things (like if he forgets to put the toilet seat down.. you can live with that :b ), but when it comes to physical, mental or verbal abuse... no exceptions.

SA definitely sucks, but you're all you have, and if you don't take care of yourself, nobody else will.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

CarlitoBrigante said:


> I'm sensing some mixed messages in regards to this guy... but point blank, if any or all of the stuff you've said about him is true, then you're best to not let him treat you that way and to cut ties. SA or no, you have got to set standards for yourself. Nobody is perfect, but being criticized/belittled isn't going to help you in any way, and there's no way in hell being pressured or forced into sex is going to help you.
> 
> You can bend your rules on some things (like if he forgets to put the toilet seat down.. you can live with that :b ), but when it comes to physical, mental or verbal abuse... no exceptions.
> 
> *SA definitely sucks, but you're all you have, and if you don't take care of yourself, nobody else will.*


You're right about that.

I know that in order for me to have any sort of relationship, i have to genuinely love myself, and be happy on all levels. I also need to be comfortable in my own skin. I hope i have enough strength to get to that point. Its a struggle everyday.

......I'm a high school dropout ops (loved school and learning in general, but my SA and the constant bullying got the best of me), so i already feel uneducated and stupid. When he kept calling me stupid, it just really knocked me down even more. He was telling me something, that i feel about myself all the time. It was like he was throwing all my insecurities in my face.The whole time he was here...he put me down.

How could he put me down, when he hasn't amounted to anything in his life...Pot calling the kettle black :mum He dropped out of high school as well, doesn't have a job,lives with his mother,sells drugs,did time in jail,can't drive untill 2015, and i can go on, but i will stop there. All of that alone, should have made me stay away from him, but i don't and can't judge anybody. I though he was a sweet guy, who had been through alot(like me), and was trying to get his life on track(like me). I also though he and i would be cute together. Thinking, we could help each other out. You know, bring one another up.

*sighs*

Me and my idealism........smh


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

You absolutely shouldn't tolerate a messed-up jackass like that.

Feeling insecure about yourself is not a reason to settle for somebody who would mistreat and abuse you.

About your education, you know, you can take online courses and stuff like that.

I definitely can understand how bad school can be, i got beat around a lot, mocked, bullied.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

^Yeah. Gotta stop being so hard on myself. I think i need a brain transplant or something. 

...I haven't talked to this guy in about 3 or 4 weeks. I blocked his number. When i did that...he tried to call me "private". What an a*shole. I'm glad i didn't allow myself to keep seeing him though, geting caught up in his charm and nice looks. He started verbally abusing me..quick...didn't waste anytime. Good thing its over. I would probaly be in the ICU if i would have continued seeing him. Dude has issues. I should mail him a bomb for his birthday on the 29th :lol 

..Now, i have a chance to be in a relationship with two "good" guys(not at the same time..lol). Problem is..i'm not attracted to them...eventhough...they is perfect for me in every way, but i just can't make myself like them. One is 9 yrs older then me,and the other is 2 yrs older, we sorta grew up together. They are just waiting on me to decide who i want. They are both ready to commit to me. Freaks me out :afr

Look at this crap. I have a opportunity to be in a relationship with a decent guy, but my "issues" just ruins it. Plus, i'm too picky, when i have no reason to be. I just like a certain look, and those two guys don't fit the physical descriptions of what i like. I just can't be with somebody, if i' not attracted to them..SA or not. Plus, they are shorter than me. I'm 5'10...so i need a guy taller than myself. I hate being taller than the guy. Just feels awkward. I wish i could have the guy that i was talking to before(the a*shole..he was 6'3), and give him one of these guys personalitys. Would be perfect. Life is unfair.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

nothing wrong with not wanting to be with someone if youre not attracted to the person.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I would give them a chance at least. Maybe you'll end up liking their personalities, which will cause you to find them attractive after awhile.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Yeah, i mit give it a shot. For me though, there has to be an instant attraction. If there is no bond,chemistry,etc...i just can't force it. I end up geting annoyed with them. 

....The jerk called me yesterday from JAIL. I missed the call, so i called his mom to ask what he wanted. She said that he told her, to tell me...to write him. He is in there for sexual assault and kidnapping, but they(his family) say he is innocent...they have the wrong person. Yeah right!!!


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