# Abortion



## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Okay I realize this is a controversial subject, but I'm 22 years old and about 10 weeks pregnant now... unplanned.. I stopped taking my birth control because I ran out and it's hard to get an appointment (social anxiety doesn't help) in this town for a re-fill. So my bf and I had unprotected sex but he pulled out every time.. but regardless it happened then I did get the pills and decided I'd wait for my next period to start.. but it never came.

Anyway, I'm 100% certain on the decision. I am having my abortion on Monday. I don't know how to tell anyone. I'm so scared and alone. Two of my best friends from school know and they will be the ones accompanying me to the appointment (not allowed to go it alone).

The symptoms afterward are bleeding/cramping for 2-3 WEEKS after.. I'm not allowed to use tampons, have sex, or go swimming in this time period. Especially worried about the last one since it's so freakin' hot here.

I HAVE to tell my boyfriend. I just don't know how. Everything's just getting so good between the two of us. I love him but I don't know how to tell him. It's all my fault. I want to keep him I don't want him to leave me over this... advice would be great.

Also.. my parents/family? They are coming for a visit the following weekend. I won't be my regular self, I'll be crampy, sickish and unable to do lots of activity. I don't know how to tell them. I've never talked to my mom or dad about sex, relationships, any of that. It's just something we avoid thinking about. I don't know if I even should tell them.

And work. I'll have to take a couple days off most likely and I'll get a doctor's appointment, but I'm scared of the judgment. Should I lie and say it was something else? I dont' know how to tell them (I work in healthcare, almost everyone would be pro-life). And my coworkers would most definitely be concerned if I'm missing work but they might happen to see me around town.

So... that's my dilemmas around it.. any advice is appreciated! thanks!!


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## Godless1 (Aug 1, 2008)

First of all, there will inevitably be people in this thread judging you and telling you what you're doing is wrong. *Do not listen to them, this is your life, and it's solely your decision.*

I think you obviously need to tell your boyfriend, but I don't think you really NEED to discuss this with your parents, and you definitely don't need to tell your work (I'd think you could just say you have a personal medical issue).

As for telling your boyfriend, just be upfront with him. Tell him what you told us. That you love him and want to be with him, and that you've made this decision. If he loves you, he will support you.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Hey hun.

I know your upset and afraid about the baby , but you *need * to tell your bf about the abortion , it will ruin your relationship if he does not find out and later on you tell him.. Just think your not only disposing your half of the DNA but his too.

I am sure your bf will support your wanting to abortion , but you'd think there is a possibly he would want to keep the baby - just hear him out. You need to tell him *BEFORE* it's to late !

As for the rest of the people other then your bf , they can buzz off there is no need to tell anyone else or discuss it with your parents . If they ask if anything up ' Ya , I am fine.. just a bit under the weather'.

Anther thing you need to think about , this is your body and your baby that you can decide to bring in this word and then again you can end its life with abortion. Is this action rash because your afraid of the outcome or afraid of loosing your bf?

Abortions can be (not always) life long trauma / guilt.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Take care

:squeeze


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Thanks for the support.
I think I'm going to tell him tonight. We have a double-date dinner but I'm hoping afterward I'll be able to get him alone.
I think I might break out crying mid-conversation.
But I plan it to go like this "I want to talk about something, and it's really hard for me to say, maybe hard for you to hear. But I'm going to Toronto on Monday.... I'm having an abortion. I'm so sorry... I ran out of my birth control and I should've told you.. it took a wihle to get an appointment for a refill.. so then I just thought I'd wait for my next period. I thought it would be okay because you pull out every time.. But my period never came.. Then I thought it must be because I was training for the marathon.. but I tested positive and went to the Clinic. I really don't think I could handle it any other way right now, and I'm really sorry.."
Or something like that.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

just take very good care of yourself. do you have to tell your parents right now?


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

missalyssa said:


> Thanks for the support.
> I think I'm going to tell him tonight. We have a double-date dinner but I'm hoping afterward I'll be able to get him alone.
> I think I might break out crying mid-conversation.
> But I plan it to go like this "I want to talk about something, and it's really hard for me to say, maybe hard for you to hear. But I'm going to Toronto on Monday.... I'm having an abortion. I'm so sorry... I ran out of my birth control and I should've told you.. it took a wihle to get an appointment for a refill.. so then I just thought I'd wait for my next period. I thought it would be okay because you pull out every time.. But my period never came.. Then I thought it must be because I was training for the marathon.. but I tested positive and went to the Clinic. I really don't think I could handle it any other way right now, and I'm really sorry.."
> Or something like that.


Do you think you are acting rash , as you just kind of found out? Can put off the abortion for a *few* more days after telling him. Who knows , I wont try to debate... But sometimes its hard ... really hard to face reality and babies are one thing that makes you have to 'grow up' and at that age most people aren't ready for kids... But then the flip side... Abortions are ... life long thing.. type of thing - it physically and can emotionally hurt . :squeeze

I just hope you heal . :squeeze


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I think that's fine.. I had a late period once and that was my plan too.. I wasn't pregnant though, just paranoid lol. Nothing wrong with abortion, you can do whatever you want with your body.. you're not a murderer or anything, you're just realistic. Do what you need to do, tell your bf and if he isn't supportive and no one you know is that doesn't mean you're wrong, you can talk to me if you're sad
:hug


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)




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## Faith7 (Jun 27, 2011)

I had my first baby when i was 20 and abortion never crossed my mind. I'm not judging you for your decision at all i just hope you are strong enough to live with it. I wish you well


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## GothicRavenGoddess (Jul 21, 2011)

I had an abortion when I was 17. I was lucky they even performed it. I was 10 weeks and one day. I was nearly at the cut off for that clinic. (at the time, in SC, abortions were legal up to 5 months, but MOST wouldn't do it past 3) Now I have PCOS (the two aren't related. The abortion did not cause my pcos). Now I might not be abe to have kids, so my current upset is regret, because of my NOW situation.... I know that 17 was way too young to have babies. I was also into drugs and drank a lot. The pregnancy happened because the condom came off, not because I was stupid and didn't use protection. *grumbles* I am 25. To this day, i get depressed around the day i had the abortion, and around the days surrounding the time I'd have given birth had I kept it. 

I tell you this, because its not just something most people can do and return to their daily lives as if nothing happened. Also, it takes a few weeks for your body to figure out you are no longer pregnant. 

are you ready to have a baby?
would your family help support you if you kept the baby, and your bf decided to be a deadbeat father?

If you answer no to either one of those, or even both, then please don't keep it. If you don't want to have an abortion BUT you aren't ready to be a mom, start looking into adoption agencies, right this very second. Both decisions are not going to be easy. My mom had the balls to tell me I took the easy way out, even after she told me she'd support me no matter what. It is NOT an easy decision. It never will be. But if you are not ready for this, then you need to do what's right for you. Because if you aren't in the right place in your life to have a baby, then that baby is going to miserable, you will resent it its whole life, and as harsh as it sounds, it would have been better off either given up for adoption or aborted. 

Adoption should only be an option for you, if you have the right support system. Meaning your family and boyfriend will support you through pregnancy. Will take you to your appointments, and get you the things you need, to have a healthy baby, for a willing family to adopt. 

I hope this helps. I hope you do the right thing for you. Don't let anyone talk you into, or out of, something you know you aren't ready for. After all, YOU are the one that has to live with it. 

I'm not telling you this to sway you one way or another. I'm telling you this so you are informed.  

*hugs* good luck, hun. And though i'm a stranger, feel free to inbox me, if you need someone to talk to.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

missalyssa said:


> It's all my fault.


No, it's not. It takes two to make a baby. Your bf shares just as much responsibility in this as you do.

Talk to him about it. If he leaves you over this then he's not the one, and you can do better. But if he loves you as much as you love him, then he'll be understanding and supportive of the fact that you aren't ready to have a baby.

:squeeze Best of luck to you.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Thanks all 
So, I talked to the bf.. He is very supportive, he held me close and said "why didn't you tell me?" And "you can talk to me about stuff like that, we can be more careful I could put a condom on"... He is so sweet he told me how he wants to be here for me during these times and the whole thing took him by surprise because I had just ran a half-marathon.

I am definitely having the procedure done, I can't afford to wait much longer, they do the procedure up to 21 weeks but I want it done ASAP while I'm still in the first trimester. 

I won't tell my parents, they don't necessarily HAVE to know, and I don't have to give them details on why I can't swim. It just hurts that I don't have that mother figure to cuddle me, hold me, tell me ill be okay and to just look after me while I'm sick or weak after. I do have my 3 gf's who are coming with me for the procedure date, which is great but ill have to be strong for them after, strong for the bf, strong when the family visit. I don't like not being able to be weak.

I'm nervous about what to expect. I am confident on my decision but I am scared to face the judgment by everyone who would see me there.The way people will look at me hurts... I'm not a bad person. I do want a child some day when I'm ready and will bring him/her into the world properly without drinking or anything during pregnancy. And preparing, buying things being excited to tell people, but not now.

For the one member who had it done before- what was the aftercare like? Did you bleed a lot? I heard the bleeding is fairly bad and I will have to use pads which I haven't done in 10 yrs. Also was it physically painful vs emotionally? Do you think I will be able to get a Dr.'S note to get off work for 2 days?

Thanks everyone


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## GothicRavenGoddess (Jul 21, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> For the one member who had it done before- what was the aftercare like? Did you bleed a lot? I heard the bleeding is fairly bad and I will have to use pads which I haven't done in 10 yrs. Also was it physically painful vs emotionally? Do you think I will be able to get a Dr.'S note to get off work for 2 days?
> 
> Thanks everyone


You will more than likely bleed a little for three weeks, and then you are suppose to have a period on the 4th. Your body treats it as surgury, and the bleeding isn't an open wound, its just drainage. At the clinic, they will tell you what to look for, in case of infection, or if there really is bleeding that is too heavy. The clinic I went to, gave me three days worth of antibiotics. *If they give you the choice between a local anistetic, or the IV, take the IV, for god's sake take the IV! *

Also, to make sure that you don't damage yourself, they tell you to stay off your feet, as much as possible, during the days that you are bleeding. Just like if you were on a period, being more active makes the bleeding worse. Which, after a procedure, doing anything to agravate the bleed is BAD. I'm pretty sure you can get a dr's note to get the days off from work. If your work requires you to be on your feet a lot, take more days off than two. Hell, I'd suggest going on freecycle and getting a wheelchair. I'm not kidding, hon.

I had very little pain.
For the first few months, I had to treat it as if it was a necessary surgery, or I'd break down and cry. I had to distance myself from the fact that it could have been my baby. Rationally, I know it was best, because I didn't know I was pregnant, while I was doing the drugs and drinking heavily. I didn't get any symptoms until two weeks before the abortion, AND I had a regular period, as well. Hell, for the first few days of morning sickness, I thought I had food poisoning!

To this day, though, I can still talk about it, and give advice, and help other's who are thinking about it. On the one and, I am strong about it. I only hurt, emotionally, when its around the date of, and around the weeks, I might have given birth.

My ability to cope was because I had a good support system. I lived with my gma at the time, and she held me when I needed it. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is very loving and is going to stick with you through this. You do sound very confident in your decision. Good for you, for doing what's right for you!  I mean that!

Its ok to feel guilty or upset, later in time. Its perfectly normal. and like I stated in my earlier post, if you need someone to talk to, to relate to, send me a message. I'll always be happy to talk. Its also perfectly normal to not be affected by it. Everyone handles it in their own way. But if you feel the need to mourn, for any reason, DO NOT DENY YOURSELF THAT, or you will be beating yourself up, for the rest of your life.

Good luck, hun.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

^yes. great post gothic.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

GothicRavenGoddess said:


> You will more than likely bleed a little for three weeks, and then you are suppose to have a period on the 4th. Your body treats it as surgury, and the bleeding isn't an open wound, its just drainage. At the clinic, they will tell you what to look for, in case of infection, or if there really is bleeding that is too heavy. The clinic I went to, gave me three days worth of antibiotics. *If they give you the choice between a local anistetic, or the IV, take the IV, for god's sake take the IV! *
> 
> Also, to make sure that you don't damage yourself, they tell you to stay off your feet, as much as possible, during the days that you are bleeding. Just like if you were on a period, being more active makes the bleeding worse. Which, after a procedure, doing anything to agravate the bleed is BAD. I'm pretty sure you can get a dr's note to get the days off from work. If your work requires you to be on your feet a lot, take more days off than two. Hell, I'd suggest going on freecycle and getting a wheelchair. I'm not kidding, hon.
> 
> ...


Great post.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Thanks for the support.
> I'm nervous about what to expect. I am confident on my decision but I am scared to face the judgment by everyone who would see me there.The way people will look at me hurts... I'm not a bad person. I do want a child some day when I'm ready and will bring him/her into the world properly without drinking or anything during pregnancy. And preparing, buying things being excited to tell people, but not now.
> 
> For the one member who had it done before- what was the aftercare like? Did you bleed a lot? I heard the bleeding is fairly bad and I will have to use pads which I haven't done in 10 yrs. Also was it physically painful vs emotionally? Do you think I will be able to get a Dr.'S note to get off work for 2 days?
> ...


You're going to be fine. I can tell you know you have made the right decision for yourself. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell. And you have nothing to apologize for. If someone has nothing better to do than judge you then they're not worth your time in the first place.

I think this website will be a very good help for you:
http://www.imnotsorry.net/


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Well, thanks again to everyone  I really truly appreciate the support here. Here I am, fasting and half-way through a night shift.. I can't stop thinking about it! Eeeee...

My appointment is tomorrow at 2pm. I must say, I am a little nervous of course... Just because it's new and even though I'm a nurse I'm a little scared for surgeries. I'm going to think of it just as that, a surgery... My body healed really well after previous surgeries: tonsillectomy in '08, appendectomy in '09, wisdom teeth in '09 (summer). So fingers crossed my body will heal well after this procedure.

I'll definitely take the IV sedation / anesthetic. The lady at the clinic said they could do it locally or with IV sedation (probably Valium? I'm not sure just guessing), I'm sure it's not something I'd want to remember. It only takes like 15 min apparently but they will keep me there 3 hr for recovery, counseling and ultrasound beforehand. I think counseling will be good too, because yes I have my 3 awesome girlfriends who are going to be my support network after the abortion, but it'll help to have the anonymity to just talk about it all.

*The bleeding I'm not happy about, but I can deal with it. I haven't used pads since I was about 13 first getting my period and tampons are contraindicated because of the risk of infection. I have always hated having periods and while I was on the BC pill they were light and easy to take care of, so I'll be all paranoid about leakage and smell and comfort etc. Blehh. But hopefully it won't go on too long. I'm only now 11 wks, so that's not even into the 2nd trimester..

The bf is so supportive.. today he was extra cuddly and held me close and kissed me a lot and took me for dinner / icecream and he was like "are you scared for your operation" "do you need any money or anything?" luckily enough here in ontario it's covered under our health care so I won't be needing money, but the thought was nice.. he is nervous for me too and wants me to call him and update him about how I'm doing and keep talking to him however long I stay down there for.

I hope I can get a Dr's note because I am scheduled to work Wednesday night, but my work can (at times) be really busy, strenuous and peoples lives depend on me. Not looking forward to seeing my parents / family next weekend though, they'll know SOMETHING is off, or they'll just think I got fatter (I gained like almost 10lbs) and I'll know they're thinking about it.. but blehh. So for them I'll have to play it off like everything's okay and act happy-go-lucky and such. Probably can't even drink with the antibiotics. hmm.

I'll rest a lot, have girl chat, watch movies and eat if I'm up to it. It'll be hard to not do a lot of activity. I'm really active in general but I'll try and keep it to the minimum for at least a couple of days.

OKay, now I'm just babbling.. sorry! Just can't stop thinking about it. Absolutely sure I'm making the right choice for me right now though! Whether or not I'llb e able to conceive again is not a major concern for me right now at all. Ah! I just can't believe it's coming up so soon!Sorry for the novel : ) Thanks again for the help everyone, wish me luck!!


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## loquaciousintrovert (May 23, 2011)

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. I can't imagine what that must be like. I hope everything goes well and you recover from this quickly.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I have mixed feelings on this issue. Not on access, but.....

That's not the point, though. Sorry you're going through this and I hope you have a safe procedure and a quick recovery.


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## RockIt (Jan 8, 2011)

I'm sorry to be one of the people here to disagree with this decision, but this is a human life that is at stake here. I would encourage you to take some time, talk to your parents, and deal with the fact that although maybe inconvenient at this time, there is a little life forming inside of you. One that you basically said that you would be ok with the moment that you stopped using the birth control.

I'm not here to judge you, but I am going to try to encourage you that you have other options. Please take some time to think about them.


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## ninjitsu (Sep 4, 2010)

RockIt said:


> I'm sorry to be one of the people here to disagree with this decision, but this is a human life that is at stake here. I would encourage you to take some time, talk to your parents, and deal with the fact that although maybe inconvenient at this time, there is a little life forming inside of you. One that you basically said that you would be ok with the moment that you stopped using the birth control.
> 
> I'm not here to judge you, but I am going to try to encourage you that you have other options. Please take some time to think about them.


There is a human life a stake, but if she has the abortion then there wont be because its not a human yet and wont be for some time. And she didn't say she would be okay with it, nowhere in this thread did she say that.

The other option throwing her life and future into complete upheaval.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

and why do think just because were supportive we agree with HER DECISION? HER decision. get it?


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## GothicRavenGoddess (Jul 21, 2011)

FairleighCalm said:


> and why do think just because were supportive we agree with HER DECISION? HER decision. get it?


*agrees*:clap


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## Nathan Talli (Dec 13, 2010)

Thanks for making the right decision.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Well just wanted to update everyone 
I had it done on Monday, everything went really well. Only took like 10 min and they hit me with 100mcg of Fentanyl (pretty powerful narcotic) I was awake but I couldn't feel anything and I was really stoned and talking to the Dr. the whole time about cross country skiing and SCUBA diving.
I was nauseated for the first day, but after that it got better. There's been like no bleeding only spotting and only last night did I have any major cramping.
I'm going to work tonight :clap And I went for a fantastic run today. I feel GREAT! Like 100% better than before, I don't have the defaulted feeling of nausea and tiredness. I feel energized and fabulous


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