# Four First Dates - One Week



## bk (May 2, 2004)

I have recently started online dating and gone on my first couple of dates at the age of 27. Since then it's been quiet on the dating front for the last couple of weeks. But due to a cold wintery Sunday I got a lot of responses yesterday, and now I have four first dates scheduled for this week. 

If I can get through this it will be a huge triumph over my anxiety.

First date is tonight!


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

4 dates in one week? Good luck man and let us know how it went! :clap


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

The first date went really well. Although we happened to friendzone eachother before the date occured due to an incompatibility. But it was still fun and I am meeting her again next week. Date number two is tomorrow and I'm fairly nervous about this one as I know very little about her. 

Due to my excitement/anxiety level this week I am sure I will be completely exhausted by time this week is done.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Two down, two to go. Although it might only be one to go as the fourth gal is yet to confirm.

Another fun date and she was incredibly interesting, although this was the shortest date I've been on. As soon as the bill was paid she seemed to be in a real rush to get out of there, which was a little disappointing.

The next date is my first ever coffee date. I was starting to get used to the whole dinner date concept, but I guess it is time to try something new.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Yaaay 
So you're not seeing the second girl again?
Good luck on number three. Hehehe. ^^

:squeeze


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## degrasse (Feb 17, 2012)

Fruitcake said:


> Yaaay
> So you're not seeing the second girl again?
> Good luck on number three. Hehehe. ^^
> 
> :squeeze


4 dates?!?!? Damn I'm having a hard time finding someone for even one date


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

BananaCat said:


> Go you! Are you using OkCupid?


Yup. I also signed up for plentyoffish but haven't had any luck on that site; mostly because i hate the format so I've only messaged one or two people.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Fruitcake said:


> Yaaay
> So you're not seeing the second girl again?
> Good luck on number three. Hehehe. ^^
> 
> :squeeze


Hey :squeeze
I enjoyed the second date, so i will probably ask her out again. Chances are she says no, but there is always the possibility that my instincts are wrong and she enjoyed the date as much as i did.


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## smt074 (Dec 16, 2011)

bk said:


> I have recently started online dating and gone on my first couple of dates at the age of 27. Since then it's been quiet on the dating front for the last couple of weeks. But due to a cold wintery Sunday I got a lot of responses yesterday, and now I have four first dates scheduled for this week.
> 
> If I can get through this it will be a huge triumph over my anxiety.
> 
> First date is tonight!


I've done this before- it gets exhausting actually! Just try to keep all of their stories straight - it's easy to mix them up when seeing so many people in a small space of time .


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## SeekerFinder (Feb 23, 2012)

bk said:


> First date is tonight!


5 in one week starting now..WOW
Teach me wise one..
i get maybe one per month, and that is an average, good months ill get two or three, and that makes up for months of nothing. LOL

Good luck


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

BananaCat said:


> I love okcupid. I'm on there too.What is your username?


I PM'd you. I will PM it to anyone who is interested; I don't think I want to post it publicly, as I don't know what on this forum is google searchable.


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## Funkadelic (Oct 6, 2010)

You have guts. The whole online dating scene intimidates me. Glad to hear your dates are going well.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

smt074 said:


> I've done this before- it gets exhausting actually! Just try to keep all of their stories straight - it's easy to mix them up when seeing so many people in a small space of time .


Yeah I can understand that. Two dates left and I'm already exhausted. I'm having trouble sleeping due to the anxiety involved. However, I have been realizing that I absolutely crave conversation sometimes, so it is definitely nice to get out there and chat with some nice ladies regardless of whether the dates ever lead to anything. A few months ago I would have said that I am 100% introverted, but the more I get out and socialize the more I realize that I have an extroverted side as well. It's just been in hiding for 27 years.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

SeekerFinder said:


> 5 in one week starting now..WOW
> Teach me wise one..
> i get maybe one per month, and that is an average, good months ill get two or three, and that makes up for months of nothing. LOL
> 
> Good luck


I might put up a thread once the week is through with some online dating advice. It will probably be more aimed at people who have never dated before and are confused as to how to go about online dating or are on the fence about joining a site. Just going on the first date of my life was such a confidence booster even though the date didn't go very well. At least for me the whole online dating / dating in general experience has been less stressful than I anticipated.


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## wolfinhiding (Dec 3, 2011)

Four? Do you even have SA? lol You go man, get it!


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

wolfinhiding said:


> Four? Do you even have SA? lol You go man, get it!


I was actually recently undiagnosed by a psychiatrist 
It's not like there is no anxiety or anything but I have been able to push myself to do things I could never imagine doing in the last few months. I just hope to keep on this roll for as long as possible!


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

Thats a lot of cash your spending on dates :b

Congrats.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Ventura said:


> Thats a lot of cash your spending on dates :b
> 
> Congrats.


They have all been split bills this week so far :/
It seems like if they make roughly the same amount as me they refuse my offers to pay for the whole thing.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

bk said:


> I might put up a thread once the week is through with some online dating advice. It will probably be more aimed at people who have never dated before and are confused as to how to go about online dating or are on the fence about joining a site. Just going on the first date of my life was such a confidence booster even though the date didn't go very well. At least for me the whole online dating / dating in general experience has been less stressful than I anticipated.


Be VERY careful about this.

I really don't know what has gotten into a lot of people on this site lately with dating sites - especially in the past month. Finding a mate can bring a whole new host of problems, many of which people are not able to handle. It is sending the wrong message.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

The third date went really well. So far the only date where I felt butterflies. She was a seriously awesome person.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

YAY  :clap


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

How is it even possible to get that many dates? That's almost more than I've been on in my entire life and I'm a heavy dating site user.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

bk said:


> A few months ago I would have said that I am 100% introverted, but the more I get out and socialize the more I realize that I have an extroverted side as well. It's just been in hiding for 27 years.


Interesting. I've been feeling the same way. I always considered myself an introvert, but now it's no longer so clear cut. It's surprising.



millenniumman75 said:


> Be VERY careful about this.
> 
> I really don't know what has gotten into a lot of people on this site lately with dating sites - especially in the past month. Finding a mate can bring a whole new host of problems, many of which people are not able to handle. It is sending the wrong message.


Sounds like the typical doom&gloom kind of thoughts that people with SA worry too much about. Yes, things can go wrong. But they can also go right. Life is a risky business! :b



bk said:


> The third date went really well. So far the only date where I felt butterflies. She was a seriously awesome person.


Wow, good on you. 4 dates, though? You better have a good memory! :teeth I had 2 these past weeks and I was already getting things mixed up. But congratulations on kicking your SA where it hurts! :yes Do keep the stories coming, though! opcorn


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## 67budp (Mar 1, 2012)

How long are you communicating with these women on the site before you set up a date? I'm going to try online dating and I'm not sure how it works. Do you just ask for dates straight away or do you get to know each other a bit through emails. I'm ashamed to say that I tried an adult hookup site for awhile. I got alot of messages and started emailing back and fourth with a few really cute ladies, but they all blew me off after a few weeks. I don't know if it was because I wasn't aggressive enough or if maybe they met someone else first. Also, I photographed myself from the neck down (with pants on of course) so maybe they lost interest because I had no face. Anyways I'm gonna try a normal dating site this time and include my face on my profile. Maybe this time I'll have a bit more luck. Maybe four dates in one week!


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

67budp said:


> How long are you communicating with these women on the site before you set up a date? I'm going to try online dating and I'm not sure how it works. Do you just ask for dates straight away or do you get to know each other a bit through emails. I'm ashamed to say that I tried an adult hookup site for awhile. I got alot of messages and started emailing back and fourth with a few really cute ladies, but they all blew me off after a few weeks. I don't know if it was because I wasn't aggressive enough or if maybe they met someone else first. Also, I photographed myself from the neck down (with pants on of course) so maybe they lost interest because I had no face. Anyways I'm gonna try a normal dating site this time and include my face on my profile. Maybe this time I'll have a bit more luck. Maybe four dates in one week!


I've never used a hook-up site so I have no idea what the etiquette would be for something like that but I would assume that there shouldn't be any real back and forth. I imagine the typical exchange being "dtf?" "yes/no".

On dating sites I make the assumption that people are there to date and not to message. My profile is fairly long and I have several pictures so I assume if they return my messages they have read my profile and are interested in meeting me. All of the women I message are around the age of 30 with established careers and busy lives so there is no reason to drag out the online back-and-forth. I usually don't ask for a date immediately as it might scare some people away, but I typically ask in the 3rd to 4th message. I have asked in the first message with success.

More and more I have been trying to keep my messages short unless they send me a really long message. I'm sure a lot of women are flooded with messages so if the message is too long they may not want to put in the time to reply.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

NoName99 said:


> Sounds like the typical doom&gloom kind of thoughts that people with SA worry too much about. Yes, things can go wrong. But they can also go right. Life is a risky business! :b
> 
> Wow, good on you. 4 dates, though? You better have a good memory! :teeth I had 2 these past weeks and I was already getting things mixed up. But congratulations on kicking your SA where it hurts! :yes Do keep the stories coming, though! opcorn


I agree with this sentiment. For myself becoming more social has been all about taking risks. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position every now and again you are probably doing something right 

I haven't had any issues with sorting out stories so far, but I plan to have second dates with at least one of these women so that will probably be a good test of my memory. None of these women are that similar to one another so I'm not anticipating any difficulties. I can still remember where they all work, where they went to school, etc.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Gryffindor85 said:


> How is it even possible to get that many dates? That's almost more than I've been on in my entire life and I'm a heavy dating site user.


Just an odd week. If I average everything out I average less than half a date a week since I joined. Crappy weather last Sunday meant everyone was staying indoors and I was getting replies from people who hadn't sent me anything for over a week. I don't message very many people so I don't anticipate weeks like this cropping up ever again.


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## 67budp (Mar 1, 2012)

I think it's gonna be tough to meet many possible dates in my area. I don't live in or close enough to any major cities which seems to be where all the single ladies are. Just a bunch of soccer moms in my town, and the few single ones that are around and are desirable seem to have their own entourage of men. I might live in the worst place to be a single guy, let alone a shy one.


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## alte (Sep 4, 2010)

Great. You must be fairly likeable judging by the amount of response you are getting. Between being diagnosed with SA and then undiagnosed, what changed? Was the initial diagnosis, simply a mistake?


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## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

bk said:


> I enjoyed the second date, so i will probably ask her out again. Chances are she says no, but there is always the possibility that my instincts are wrong and she enjoyed the date as much as i did.


I like this attitude.
Too many people make assumptions and could end up potentially missing out on good situations. Even bad situations can be good in their own way.  Depends on how you want to view things.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

alte said:


> Great. You must be fairly likeable judging by the amount of response you are getting. Between being diagnosed with SA and then undiagnosed, what changed? Was the initial diagnosis, simply a mistake?


I'm fairly surprised by the amount of responses I get. I am by no means a looker. I do think I've gotten good at writing a good first message which takes some practice. I don't even think my profile is all that great as a whole but maybe there is a couple of good paragraphs in there that people can relate to. My profile is even honest about myself being shy and introverted and hating crowds; which I thought would scare people away.

I don't think the initial diagnosis was a mistake. My life's path up until the last couple of months has largely been shaped by anxiety and depression. To give a little more backstory about being undiagnosed: When I saw the psychiatrist I had just gone on my second date ever. Plus I was also making some large strides with being friendlier at work, so I was flying very high when I saw him. I listed all of the things I had done without any positive effect over the past 7/8 years to get over SA / depression: 

Numerous medications. So many that I can't remember them all
CBT with two different therapists
group therapy
various self-help
And I mentioned that I had no interest in re-trying anything and I was making big strides on my own just by pushing myself to try new things. So based on this he probably saw no reason to diagnose me with anything and sent me away undiagnosed with the caveat to call him if things got worse. As to why I saw a psychiatrist at all when things were going so well: it took a long time to get the booking and I was not doing so well when I made it.

As to why I can push myself now when I couldn't before I have a lot of trouble answering that.

Probably a brain tumor.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Well I actually pulled it off! Four first dates from Monday to today. I was honestly expecting at least one of them to bail out on seeing me but everything managed to go as planned . 

Now for next weeks goal: four second dates :b

There were rarely any awkward silences the whole week, and I have noticed myself opening up more and more. I think a lot of the trouble I have had in the past is there is so many topics I would try to avoid in conversations because I am worried about how I might look. But if I stop worrying so much about what other people are thinking I am much better at talking to people. I'm sure there is still the odd topic that would freeze me up, but this is just something I will have to continue to work on.


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## will30 (Mar 3, 2012)

67budp said:


> I think it's gonna be tough to meet many possible dates in my area. I don't live in or close enough to any major cities which seems to be where all the single ladies are. Just a bunch of soccer moms in my town, and the few single ones that are around and are desirable seem to have their own entourage of men. I might live in the worst place to be a single guy, let alone a shy one.


are you in fl?


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## LiveFreeOrDieHard (Mar 12, 2012)

Wow 4 dates! That's awesome man! I'm glad to hear stores about people doing so well on these online dating sites. From what I have heard about these sites many guys just spam girls with generic messages and probability of responses is fairly low. Is there any truth to that? It sounds like you had a fairly detailed profile and sent customized messages?
I would really be interested in seeing your profile if you don't mind.
Good luck on second dates!


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

Congrats on getting 4 dates in a week, I'd be lucky to get 1 in a year.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

LiveFreeOrDieHard said:


> Wow 4 dates! That's awesome man! I'm glad to hear stores about people doing so well on these online dating sites. From what I have heard about these sites many guys just spam girls with generic messages and probability of responses is fairly low. Is there any truth to that? It sounds like you had a fairly detailed profile and sent customized messages?
> I would really be interested in seeing your profile if you don't mind.
> Good luck on second dates!


Thanks 
I have never copy and pasted a message, I always come up with something based on their profile. I have heard from a female friend that they get a lot of spam like "hey, how's it going?", which I'm sure mostly gets ignored. I will pm you my profile.


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## 67budp (Mar 1, 2012)

I started on a dating site last week. Got a couple of messages but no one that really caught my eye. One girl from my gym found me on there and sent me a message saying she saw me but I totally don't recognize her. I think I need to start being a lot more aggressive because all the cute ones tend to sit back and wait for the guy to initiate. Anyways no dates yet.


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## 67budp (Mar 1, 2012)

will30 said:


> are you in fl?


Suburban ct.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

67budp said:


> I started on a dating site last week. Got a couple of messages but no one that really caught my eye. One girl from my gym found me on there and sent me a message saying she saw me but I totally don't recognize her. I think I need to start being a lot more aggressive because all the cute ones tend to sit back and wait for the guy to initiate. Anyways no dates yet.


I've had a profile up since mid-december and I've only twice received a message without sending one first. So I very much recommend being aggressive.


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