# does anyone else feel like you have no personality?



## piscesgirl85

Some of the people who are shy or have SA are probably actually pretty fun and cool to be around, once they are comfortable with someone and open up.

It's not like that for me. I feel like it's not even only shyness, I don't even have a good personality underneath the shyness.

I don't joke around, or know how. Jokes don't ever come to my mind. I am not funny in any way. I am not witty. I am not friendly. I'm not crazy and wild, nor am I chill and laid-back. I worry too much. I care about things that don't matter. When someone jokes around to me I don't have a witty response, all I can do is laugh. When someone tells me something I don't know how to elaborate on what they said. I am awkward and I stutter.

Someone with a "good" personality would be nice, funny, outgoing, and fun to be around. I am none of those. (other than nice I suppose, but it doesn't come off as nice-ness to others cuz I'm so damn awkward.)

I mean jeez, even when I'm comfortable with someone, I still don't have a good personality. uggghhh.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

I have on occasion. There are times I felt quite robotic. Currently, I think my personality is showing itself.


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## someone2027

Just because your personality is different doesnt necessarily mean its not "good" like other peoples. Besides you are your own worst critic, maybe your are just paying attention to what u see as the negatives too much?


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## jennifer1105

That's how I feel. I'm not funny at all. I feel like I am so boring and people generally just don't like me.


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## relyt

I'm guilty of this type of thinking too. It's all-or-nothing and negative and hard to see beyond. Try and find something positive about your personality. You know there's something.


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## maclasch

I sometimes feel like this. Maybe you're just too afraid to show your real self. Every one has a personality. Maybe you just need time to let it evolve?


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## djp2k10

I'm sure you have more personality than you give yourself credit for. 

I've sometimes been down on myself for being boring because I haven't done much stuff that most people would call fun and exciting. When I'm with people I have to remember that I'm not just here because I have to try entertain them. It's okay to not be a super exciting person, I know I have my good qualities.


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## Recipe For Disaster

i would be curious to get to know someone with "no personality" and see what they are like.


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## leonardess

Firstly, let me thank you. I could have written all that you wrote, about myself. Word for word. It's almost spooky. Seriously. And it's a relief.

I worry about this still, even though I have made progress and am 46. I'd have thought my personality would have been fully formed by now. Maybe it is and I just don't know it? I am no quick wit either. This worries me the most, because I see that it is this type of thing that people respond to quite a lot. I am also aware that I may be labouring under a false idea about this, because it is what I choose to focus on. Even so, there it is.

That being said, personality is a fluid thing. It can be added to, and some things fall away. I think this is more true at a younger age.

I have found that the more things I do, the more things I try, and the more experiences I let myself have, the more my "personality" reveals itself. It seems to me that personality grows out of personal likes, dislikes, preferences, and so on. It also grows out of having a strong sense of self, of your own importance in the world. How do you get that? By doing the same things - exposure to different people, places, experiences and challenges. By doing these things, you learn about yourself and who you are, the kind of person you want to be. While I think most people enter this stage, this "growing phase" starting at late teens and throughout their twenties, it can happen at any age. After all, new experiences and challenges are no one's exclusive territory.

as one develops a surer sense of self, confidence about their place in the world and their relation to it, the more secure and less afraid one becomes in revealing who they are to others.

I still feel somewhat embryonic (perhaps I always will), and there seem to be some people on here, judging by their posts, who seem to have fully developed personalities. But then everyone develops at their own pace. I don't worry too much about it though, because I know that as long as I am willing to go out there and face the world on my own two feet, I will find out who I am and what I want out of life. I think you will too. Just be patient with yourself.



piscesgirl85 said:


> Some of the people who are shy or have SA are probably actually pretty fun and cool to be around, once they are comfortable with someone and open up.
> 
> It's not like that for me. I feel like it's not even only shyness, I don't even have a good personality underneath the shyness.
> 
> I don't joke around, or know how. Jokes don't ever come to my mind. I am not funny in any way. I am not witty. I am not friendly. I'm not crazy and wild, nor am I chill and laid-back. I worry too much. I care about things that don't matter. When someone jokes around to me I don't have a witty response, all I can do is laugh. When someone tells me something I don't know how to elaborate on what they said. I am awkward and I stutter.
> 
> Someone with a "good" personality would be nice, funny, outgoing, and fun to be around. I am none of those. (other than nice I suppose, but it doesn't come off as nice-ness to others cuz I'm so damn awkward.)
> 
> I mean jeez, even when I'm comfortable with someone, I still don't have a good personality. uggghhh.


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## au Lait

Having a good personality doesn't mean that you have to be funny or clever or outgoing. There are all types of good personalities. Being a caring and empathetic person are qualities that make a good personality too. I'm sure you have lots of good qualities, and I bet they come across to others more than you realize.

Also, I used to feel the same about being unable to come up with witty comments in response to other people's jokes. One thing I realized, is that it's easier to joke around when you don't try to force it too much. If you feel like you have to be funny, then it's easy for your mind to go blank, and a lot harder than just being natural and going with whatever stuff pops into your head. Plus, you don't always have to say something back. Pretty much everyone feels good when they make others laugh, so sometimes that's enough.


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## Sunshine009

Edit: to orignal post response. 

Everyone has a personality. The type of person you are talking about as a personality type is an extroverted personality which is not you. If you are concerned, trying to be responsible and kind, although introverted that is a good personality too. You are just an introvert. You have a personality that is good also. The social term used that says if you are low key you don't have a personality is derrogatory. It's saying unless you are an extrovert you are no one. To me, if they lack selfcontrol, they are no one.


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## littlemisshy

Yes, but probably because I lack social skills and outlets


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## doze

Wow, piscesgirl85, I dont know how you did it with no personality, but you definetly got me with your post.


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## VC132

someone2027 said:


> Just because your personality is different doesnt necessarily mean its not "good" like other peoples. Besides you are your own worst critic, maybe your are just paying attention to what u see as the negatives too much?


Your avatar. I was staring at it for a full minute trying figure it out.

Now I realize it's a dog... biting your nose off.


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## vulgarman

I like listening to George Carlin. I think he's a riot. I've listened to his comedy enough, that I think I have a Carlin personality, like I channel his spirit, and he speaks through me, _from beyond the grave!_ Just for fun of course!

If I talk like this, does that mean I have personality?


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## Clarksboro

Well, doenst mean you dont have a personalty just cause you arent socially good. There are specials things about you, arent there? Like you are very empathic e.g....

You starting post describes me pretty much perfectly, but I dont think thats who I really am. Thats my fearful, worrying "I". 
You say even when you are comfortable around someone you arent witty, funny or dont cant keep the conversation. I guess you arent REALLY comfortable, you are just more comfortable than with others. You arent experiencing alle aspects of fear, just a few because you are more comfortable with the person, but you still care (too much) about this person. 
Well, this is all my personal experience, Im guessing it is somehow the same for you.


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## Bob12345

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Add me on facebook, my email is [email protected]


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## nickcorona

I feel like that sometimes, though I do have a sense of humour if I'm comfortable.

Though some people might disagree with me, I think the single best indicator of whether or not you really have personality underneath your cold and callous exterior is when you're ****-faced drunk. It indicates to you what you're capable of when you don't have any psychological and mental barriers inhibiting you. So go out and get ****-faced, and if you can make people laugh, you can rest assured that you have a personality beneath your hard, almost impenetrable shell.


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## BluButterfly

I definitely have a personality, but whether or not I feel able or comfortable to show it when I'm around others is a different matter.


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## fading

I've seen many outgoing people who aren't funny at all. They just laugh at others jokes, and are open to having fun.


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## guitarmatt

I have this gut feeling too. It discourages me from even trying to get over my shyness, because i hate who i am in the first place, and im sure im pretty worthless.

I hate wit. I dont understand it. I am The oppoaite of "witty" which makes people think im stupid, yet i have a high i.q.
Personally i think wits overrated, its just saying what you think people will be impressed by.


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## Mae West

No I have a huge personality. But around people that don't know me I have been suppressing it because I was raised to be "nice" to people I don't know and that I'd have to not be myself. Definitely getting better at standing up for myself though. I think that if *you* think you have a bad personality it will reflect strongly on how you carry yourself.


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## Jennifer Clayton

I feel like I have lots of personality- I can be goofy and silly and loud and strange and fun and exciting and daring and all these things- it's just I am honestly afraid to reveal that to people. Who I truly am deep down inside is so different from how people typically see me, and so I am so afraid to show off that side of myself. I love to have fun, love to hang out... but I feel like who I really am is too much of a change for people to handle, and so it doesn't come off that way. It really sucks. I wish I just knew how to let go and really express myself.


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## Jennifer Clayton

My sister is the same way, too. We both can be really loud and obnoxious at home, especially her. She will act so crazy that everyone will want her to calm down. But when she goes out around other people, she barely says a word. I tend to really shut down in front of other people, too.


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## Mgbeauty21

Dude, omg I feel you 100% on that one. I literally have no personality. I mean I feel like I used to though, be unique and cool and smart and funny, but now it's like where did that all go? God it sucks, I was up last night crying about it cuz it feels so awful. Why have I changed so drastically? Now I'm none of those things I described, :frown2: I'm just so lame, like you said, I'm also shy and behind that shyness even isn't a cool *** chick who could make you laugh with her Witt, it's just a loser who doesn't even comprehend anything anymore. Socially stunted, and idiotic. I feel like I progressively got slower, I used to be an amazing writer full of ideas, now the thoughts don't even come to me. I miss my smart and fun to be around self. I miss that part of me more than ever, but I've feel like I've lost it permanently. I had plans for myself too, I wanted to become a marine biologist, but how am I supposed to do that when I am so damn slow in the head and can't process anything like ours can. I'm constantly wishing I could be like others and the more I think about it, the more awful I feel inside. I really really really don't want to live like this, makes me feel worthless and depressed. All my brother does is blame me for being depressed saying I brought it on myself or whatever but it's not something he'd understand cuz he's cool like the rest of them with a personality. I feel like I can't do anything right, no matter how hard I try. I just want a personality so bad, well atleast I'm not the only one that feels this way. :crying: it's so awful like I can't catch up with anyone brain processing, or be as funny or creative or smart, I'm a total loser, then it makes me think what did I do to deserve this? And I reflect on my past and all the people that abandoned me, now I think they win. I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I know I know, unique and ****, but I'm not even cool unique, I'm lame. I really don't even feel like a human being, I feel like an inanimate object. If this continues, I'm never gonna feel good about myself.


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## DanielSomethinSomethin

Deffo. Ive somehow subconsciously created a personlity of being a man of few words to seem cool but this is really just a ruse to make up for my lack of social skills i wish i had. This makes me come off as boring and when really i have so much personality hiding deep down somewhere


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## mike91

Mgbeauty21 said:


> Dude, omg I feel you 100% on that one. I literally have no personality. I mean I feel like I used to though, be unique and cool and smart and funny, but now it's like where did that all go? God it sucks, I was up last night crying about it cuz it feels so awful. Why have I changed so drastically? Now I'm none of those things I described, :frown2: I'm just so lame, like you said, I'm also shy and behind that shyness even isn't a cool *** chick who could make you laugh with her Witt, it's just a loser who doesn't even comprehend anything anymore. Socially stunted, and idiotic. I feel like I progressively got slower, I used to be an amazing writer full of ideas, now the thoughts don't even come to me. I miss my smart and fun to be around self. I miss that part of me more than ever, but I've feel like I've lost it permanently. I had plans for myself too, I wanted to become a marine biologist, but how am I supposed to do that when I am so damn slow in the head and can't process anything like ours can. I'm constantly wishing I could be like others and the more I think about it, the more awful I feel inside. I really really really don't want to live like this, makes me feel worthless and depressed. All my brother does is blame me for being depressed saying I brought it on myself or whatever but it's not something he'd understand cuz he's cool like the rest of them with a personality. I feel like I can't do anything right, no matter how hard I try. I just want a personality so bad, well atleast I'm not the only one that feels this way. :crying: it's so awful like I can't catch up with anyone brain processing, or be as funny or creative or smart, I'm a total loser, then it makes me think what did I do to deserve this? And I reflect on my past and all the people that abandoned me, now I think they win. I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I know I know, unique and ****, but I'm not even cool unique, I'm lame. I really don't even feel like a human being, I feel like an inanimate object. If this continues, I'm never gonna feel good about myself.


It still there it just been locked away by anxiety and depression and been slow i think is a symptom of depression


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## wendigoRED

I know for a fact I do have personality, but I can only seem to bring it out in front of certain people.


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## anxietybones

I feel like I have no depth to my personality. When it comes to other people, even often times people with mental illness like social anxiety, they turn out to be meaningful unique people. When it comes to me I am boring. I have no meaningful uniqueness to me. I'm so shallow of a person that sometimes I even lose my sense of identity. That's something I really need to work on. I need to create a better relationship with myself and build a better relationship and understanding of myself, but it's difficult. I don't know how. My depression ruins everything. Most of the time I just want to sleep and pretend the world doesn't exist. When I'm not sleeping I'm browsing the internet. But here's the thing. I'm not really "doing" anything. Most people when they are browsing the internet or whatever they are actually engaging into an activity. They are doing something that is building them as a person. Like for example they are reading about video games or whatever hobby they have. I just browse the internet refreshing the front page of reddit or mindlessly browsing the few forums I am a member of. I'm not "engaging" myself into anything specific. I'm just killing time. Pointlessly killing time. It contributes nothing to my personality. Honestly, I don't even know who I am as a person. I have no sense of my identity nor do I have a personality.


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## Kristy35

Is anyone still following this thread? This is just how I feel. I always feel so awkward and don't know what to say to people. But the thing is - when people first meet me they think I'm outgoing and confident. But they only need to meet me once more to find out that I have nothing to say and that I stammer and stutter. People then talk over me. Also, and this is really bad , I have no interest in people unless I can help them - if they are in need because then I feel like I'm doing something useful and that I'm needed.

I've just moved into a house that has a shared drive with my neighbours - and this is what kills me: If I walk past them at the same time, I don't know what to say. I go over and over it in my mind. Should I say hi all breezily? Should I smile sweetly and say hello? What if they ask how I am? Do I reply with - fine, how are you? And then waht? I have no witty replies, so it's left feeling really awkward.
I hate my personality and I also have no idea who I am. I don't even know what it means by knowing who you are. I like animals and reading. I like TV and nature. But how does that translate into knowing who you are and being "normal"? I can't hold normal chats with anyone.


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## heck

Yeah I'm right there with you. I was kind of content with just being a loner for a few years but now I'm lonely and empty inside to the point of physical pain...which is actually a good development in the long run because it's leading me to try again but it's killing me in the present.

I have a job where I have tons of small interactions a day and it sucks the life out of me and I feel like people think I'm weird every time. I'm sure I'm imagining it half the time, but I know for a fact some people definitely do think I'm awkward, not fun, boring. There's also obviously the vicious cycle of never doing anything/getting invited anywhere b/c you have nothing to talk about, so then you have nothing to talk about it when you do go somewhere, and you seem like a total bore. It's hard to just start being social and form a social circle out of nothing without really strong social skills which I haven't developed at this point.

I'm hoping to move away actually through my job, don't feel like I fit in where I live anyway and I'd have at least an excuse with people not having a social life already. I can tell that I push people away I do manage to make initial connections with b/c I am can't hind the desperation or neediness for it to work out and people see that a mile away and want no part of that. Happened with a girl this year and it kinda broke me, but in a way it was good b/c it's what woke me out of complacency with my situation.

I think part of the problem is, and this is pathetic, I leaned too much on my parents, only finally got my own apartment at 27, really have struggled career wise b/c I haven't found a passion, though I'm working on that. I just can't relate to a lot of basic adult stuff I guess? Lack all the crazy and fun experiences someone of my age should have. I know I have to let go and forgive myself for the lost years and just move forward though. I rarely feel like I have something to add on the majority of topics, and when I do it fizzles out quick. I feel quick and witty with family and people I've gotten comfortable with but that wit just isn't quick enough with newer people. Always have that "I should have said X" feeling later. Guess practice would help. From what I've read people don't care as much about what you say as you'd think, so I'm trying hard to just say whatever comes to mind even if it's "dumb" at least I'll keep the conversation going. 

The rest of my game plan is to force myself to be more interesting, I'm going to curtail my obsessive music listening and tv watching a bit in favor of podcasts where I can potentially pick up interesting stuff to talk about. (I know it's good to have passions of course, but I can't even really talk about music that much since I'm no musician by any means, and it's not like I'm never going to listen or think about it anymore, I've probably absorbed enough music/tv/movies to last a lifetime) Going to read/absorb as much self-help products on social skills as possible and put it into practice where I can. Keep working out, eating healthy, learning to cook better.

Also have several big travel plans and might get a 2nd job to help support that since my free time is so miserable now anyway and could potentially make new friends there, and hopefully my day job will move me at some point this year. All I know is I can't live this lonely life anymore so I have to do better or die trying really. Surely it doesn't have to be like this. Signed up to post this on a whim but uh feel free to give me advice or hit me up to talk if you want.


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## That Random Guy

*!*

This is something I worry about from time to time.

I've never really opened myself up to anyone, ever. Never had true friendships, and I don't understand relationships.

I'm not shy, but I'm very reserved and introverted to boot. Trust issues has something to do with it somewhere.

Obviously, my social skills are very poor having SA, but I can act normal in certain situations.

I always wonder though: what happens when I actually make a friend? What am I allowed to do? I would initially only treat people as I would like to be treated. Do friends always have something special?

Same with if I ever get a romance partner. Although, in that case, it's a bit clearer.

Sometimes I wonder if it's truly because of my SA that I'm so boring. Yes, I've missed out on a lot in my youth/life, and yes, I'm less knowledgeable on a lot of things compared to most people my age, but the thought eventually becomes: what if I'm just boring?

I tell myself it's the SA, but then I feel like maybe I'll never truly be normal. Who knows.

Interesting post. Thank you.

- T.R.G.


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## Chelsalina

I also struggled with the acceptance of my personality. I always thought that a "good" or "likeable" personality was one that consisted of traits like being outgoing, witty, funny, loud, opinionated, etc. but that's not true. A good personality has other traits like being kind, empathetic, a good listener, etc.


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## The Condition of Keegan

I do have a personality but when I'm in public I'm just a quiet guy who just stays to himself because I'm afraid of having people see who I am. It sucks too cause I love who I am. 

It just disappears when I'm in public then when I get home I'm back to being me.


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## CaptainMarvel

From my nieces and nephews I can see how personalities form. As you develop and interact with your peers you test boundaries. You learn what's funny, what gets attention and things to avoid. You learn how to be assertive or when to back off. I see them practicing their humor. Kids make the corniest jokes as they learn. 

I have the same problem OP. It's because we didn't have enough socializing to learn and develop a personality we're confident about.


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## elchapo

I feel like my personality is a chameleon, what do I like? Whatever the group likes, whatever to fit in


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## Destormjanina1

I used to think I didn't have one. Then I came to the conclusion that I just haven't meshed with the right people who'd bring that person out.


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