# Therapist making possibly inappropriate comments



## melodymox93 (Apr 10, 2015)

Hi, I've never seen a therapist before and I started seeing him at the beginning of this year, and the sessions have been going really well so far and I've been able to take a lot from them with advice he has given me. Except this last time I saw him the session rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel uncomfortable and disgusting...

He's always told me I have an intense look in my eyes and says it comes off as sexual and I just say "that's just the way I look at people most of the time" and he asked if I ever thought about him sexually and I just kind of disregarded what he said and tried to changed the subject and then after five minutes or so of me rambling he asked the same question again and so I answered it. In a sense yes I have, but not like I'm attracted to him just the thought of sleeping with your therapist crosses my mind but I would never do it cause I'm there to get help not hook up. Well then he starts telling me he's got an attraction towards me too and he'd want to sleep with one of his patients but doesn't because he's afraid they'd tell on him (not the fact that he's married and that's ethically wrong). And he implied that he'd want to sleep with me but he'd worry that I'd tell people and I just sat there and nodded my head and at the end he asked if that conversation made me uncomfortable and I said "no" because I was scared to say yes that it did. And then he said it would be "so hot" to sleep with one of his patients because of the rawness of it and no one would know because the doors are shut. 

I don't know how to feel about this. Or what to do. I feel disgusting like he only wants to keep seeing me because he thinks I'm attractive and I feel like that's the only reason he's working with me on payments for sessions and I don't want to find a new therapist because honestly he's been great up until that session. Now I feel like I'm not deserving of help and I hate that I put so much money and time into these sessions and I still owe him money from previous sessions so I can't just leave and seek help else where cause I'd still owe him money. I just don't know what to do...


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## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

It's always a good idea to get a new therapist if you're not comfortable with your current one.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Report your therapist. Maybe go to one more session and get a recording of him saying this kind of stuff. Then get him fired. Fired so hard.

Why are people not furious about this? This is terrifying. This man is evil.


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## LouiseLane (Mar 15, 2015)

melodymox93 said:


> Hi, I've never seen a therapist before and I started seeing him at the beginning of this year, and the sessions have been going really well so far and I've been able to take a lot from them with advice he has given me. Except this last time I saw him the session rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel uncomfortable and disgusting...
> 
> He's always told me I have an intense look in my eyes and says it comes off as sexual and I just say "that's just the way I look at people most of the time" and he asked if I ever thought about him sexually and I just kind of disregarded what he said and tried to changed the subject and then after five minutes or so of me rambling he asked the same question again and so I answered it. In a sense yes I have, but not like I'm attracted to him just the thought of sleeping with your therapist crosses my mind but I would never do it cause I'm there to get help not hook up. Well then he starts telling me he's got an attraction towards me too and he'd want to sleep with one of his patients but doesn't because he's afraid they'd tell on him (not the fact that he's married and that's ethically wrong). And he implied that he'd want to sleep with me but he'd worry that I'd tell people and I just sat there and nodded my head and at the end he asked if that conversation made me uncomfortable and I said "no" because I was scared to say yes that it did. And then he said it would be "so hot" to sleep with one of his patients because of the rawness of it and no one would know because the doors are shut.
> 
> I don't know how to feel about this. Or what to do. I feel disgusting like he only wants to keep seeing me because he thinks I'm attractive and I feel like that's the only reason he's working with me on payments for sessions and I don't want to find a new therapist because honestly he's been great up until that session. Now I feel like I'm not deserving of help and I hate that I put so much money and time into these sessions and I still owe him money from previous sessions so I can't just leave and seek help else where cause I'd still owe him money. I just don't know what to do...


This almost sounds too mad to be true.

But if it is true, it's appalling. So do not go back. Pay your outstanding bills and if you can muster the courage, file a report to the overseeing body (whoever this is depending on where you live and the industry he's in) because his conduct is unprofessional as well as awful. Once you can afford it, look for a new therapist.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

melodymox93 said:


> Hi, I've never seen a therapist before and I started seeing him at the beginning of this year, and the sessions have been going really well so far and I've been able to take a lot from them with advice he has given me. Except this last time I saw him the session rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel uncomfortable and disgusting...
> 
> He's always told me I have an intense look in my eyes and says it comes off as sexual and I just say "that's just the way I look at people most of the time" and he asked if I ever thought about him sexually and I just kind of disregarded what he said and tried to changed the subject and then after five minutes or so of me rambling he asked the same question again and so I answered it. In a sense yes I have, but not like I'm attracted to him just the thought of sleeping with your therapist crosses my mind but I would never do it cause I'm there to get help not hook up. Well then he starts telling me he's got an attraction towards me too and he'd want to sleep with one of his patients but doesn't because he's afraid they'd tell on him (not the fact that he's married and that's ethically wrong). And he implied that he'd want to sleep with me but he'd worry that I'd tell people and I just sat there and nodded my head and at the end he asked if that conversation made me uncomfortable and I said "no" because I was scared to say yes that it did. And then he said it would be "so hot" to sleep with one of his patients because of the rawness of it and no one would know because the doors are shut.
> 
> I don't know how to feel about this. Or what to do. I feel disgusting like he only wants to keep seeing me because he thinks I'm attractive and I feel like that's the only reason he's working with me on payments for sessions and I don't want to find a new therapist because honestly he's been great up until that session. Now I feel like I'm not deserving of help and I hate that I put so much money and time into these sessions and I still owe him money from previous sessions so I can't just leave and seek help else where cause I'd still owe him money. I just don't know what to do...


WTH?! You don't owe him anything! He's trying to use his position to exploit you for sex. He should not be a therapist!

Tell him you can no longer see him. If he demands payment, you can report him here. Honestly, you should probably report him anyway.
http://www.bbs.ca.gov/


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

LouiseLane said:


> This almost sounds too mad to be true.
> 
> But if it is true, it's appalling. So do not go back. Pay your outstanding bills and if you can muster the courage, file a report to the overseeing body (whoever this is depending on where you live and the industry he's in) because his conduct is unprofessional as well as awful. Once you can afford it, look for a new therapist.


Don't pay! The damage he has caused, negates everything. He was setting her up the whole time. Slowly trying to seduce her.


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## LouiseLane (Mar 15, 2015)

slowlyimproving said:


> Don't pay! The damage he has caused, negates everything. He was setting her up the whole time. Slowly trying to seduce her.


Yes, you're probably right. He's clearly trying to take advantage of her financial predicament to corner her into agreeing. It's foul.

I think I was a bit taken aback by the story. But it probably happens more than I'd like to imagine. :no


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

LouiseLane said:


> Yes, you're probably right. He's clearly trying to take advantage of her financial predicament to corner her into agreeing. It's foul.
> 
> I think I was a bit taken aback by the story. But it probably happens more than I'd like to imagine. :no


Ugh.....I sure hope not!


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

As others have suggested, you should leave and really consider reporting him. Not just for your sake, but I can only assume he is trying to exploit other patients too based on his story who are vulnerable just like you and who may have fallen for it! 

And yes, definitely try to gather some proof so that it will be so hard for him to refute. Though for all you know, you might just give enough courage to the others who might be victim to this too and the number of stories popping up will be convincing enough? 

It's clear with that he crossed those professional boundaries they teach us in health care. There is usually a board that protects the public from professional misconduct/malpractice that is specific to that profession i.e nursing.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

LouiseLane said:


> This almost sounds too mad to be true.


It really does sound a bit too crazy to be true. I have never met a health care professional that would so obviously cross the boundaries...but crazy things do happen. It makes sense that there are those who prey on vulnerable people.


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

lol. it would be really hot (no denying that) but what he's saying and the way he's acting is seriously ****ed up and unprofessional

idk if I'd trust this guy or take him or his advice seriously since he seems to not be able to take the session seriously... 

he should like, get to know you better on his own time, not during actual therapy sessions?


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## seaport (Sep 19, 2010)

Dude, run for the hills. This guy sounds like serious bad news. Report him immediately. As others have mentioned in this thread, his behavior is not only inappropriate but predatory and heinous.


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

This guy is a predator. Not only are his actions inappropriate, unprofessional and unethical from someone in his position, but he's also pushing this topic when your words and actions clearly indicated you were not interested, and then all this BS trying to flip it around on you with your so-called ***** me eyes. This guy knows what he's doing, and that is trying to take advantage of you at your most vulnerable to fulfill his own fantasies with no regard for you. But he's also trying to make you think that you are somehow "asking for it", by having eyeballs and making eye contact, apparently.

You don't owe him anything, don't pay him, he should have his license revoked. 100% report this guy, and as others have suggested, do get a tape of him saying this stuff, so you can try to avoid any further BS from the people you report this too.


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

I wonder what makes a person say "hey i'm going to become a therapist". They are probably just as ****ed up in the head as the rest of us. 

He sounds disgusting.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

That's someone who shouldn't be a therapist.

Don't feel bad for the way you reacted. I doubt anyone would be prepared for that situation.

P.s

You do deserve help. 

What sort of therapy is it? If it hasn't been doing much for you then Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might be more helpful.


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

That sounds so creepy. Especially from a therapist. That's the kind of person I imagine taking advantage of patients, and that's not okay.

Definitely get a new therapist. I'd also report him if you feel like you can. He shouldn't be talking to patients like that.


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## Rayzada (Jul 31, 2014)

His actions/words are definitely not appropriate. I'm sure this happens to many therapists/clients, but it is not talked about enough. Therapists and clients are all human, and we get attracted to people. I'm sure it happens more than it is discussed - clients attracted to therapists and/or vice versa.

But therapists are responsible for keeping their thoughts and actions to themselves. Professionally, this guy has crossed the line - especially if it makes you uncomfortable. That is disrespectful to you and your time. If this prevents you from progressing and achieving your goals in therapy, he should stop and/or you can switch to another therapist. Reporting him is also your choice too - I'd say go for it if you want to.

Shame on this guy!


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## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

Quite easy to believe. I've had some crazy psychiatrists. One was adhd, lacking social skills, and had a law degree to defend himself from the number of lawsuits women had started against him. I think he gave up and went in to research after I walked out one day and refused to come back. I found him harmless so I stayed until I found him too irritating but if you are not confident enough to shut him down you need a new therapist. You do not have to pay him before seeing someone else. If there is a concern of them starting to bill you stronger and a risk to your credit then you might want to say something to someone, especially easy if he's part of a hospital or practice with people above him, and tell them being put in such a situation is not what you are supposed to be paying for. Otherwise I have plenty of ignored hospital bills. Last year I went through $100,000s in surgery and treatment that I have to pay $20,000 deductible on. I will pay them when I get some issues with the house sorted and don't have that money going in to a black hole. Until then I guess I won't get any credit cards.


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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

melodymox93 said:


> Hi, I've never seen a therapist before and I started seeing him at the beginning of this year, and the sessions have been going really well so far and I've been able to take a lot from them with advice he has given me. Except this last time I saw him the session rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel uncomfortable and disgusting...
> 
> He's always told me I have an intense look in my eyes and says it comes off as sexual and I just say "that's just the way I look at people most of the time" and he asked if I ever thought about him sexually and I just kind of disregarded what he said and tried to changed the subject and then after five minutes or so of me rambling he asked the same question again and so I answered it. In a sense yes I have, but not like I'm attracted to him just the thought of sleeping with your therapist crosses my mind but I would never do it cause I'm there to get help not hook up. Well then he starts telling me he's got an attraction towards me too and he'd want to sleep with one of his patients but doesn't because he's afraid they'd tell on him (not the fact that he's married and that's ethically wrong). And he implied that he'd want to sleep with me but he'd worry that I'd tell people and I just sat there and nodded my head and at the end he asked if that conversation made me uncomfortable and I said "no" because I was scared to say yes that it did. And then he said it would be "so hot" to sleep with one of his patients because of the rawness of it and no one would know because the doors are shut.
> 
> I don't know how to feel about this. Or what to do. I feel disgusting like he only wants to keep seeing me because he thinks I'm attractive and I feel like that's the only reason he's working with me on payments for sessions and I don't want to find a new therapist because honestly he's been great up until that session. Now I feel like I'm not deserving of help and I hate that I put so much money and time into these sessions and I still owe him money from previous sessions so I can't just leave and seek help else where cause I'd still owe him money. I just don't know what to do...


Get a recorder, record him talking dirty, and sue him. You don't want this guy's attention so it doesn't matter if you piss him off.

And you won't have to worry about owing money if you sue him.

I don't think anyone deserves to be treated the way he's treating you. Plus you pay the guy for therapy. The tired turkey needs to do his job instead of trying to do you.


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## ChangeInProgress (Apr 23, 2012)

Don't be offended by what i say. I'm not tryna come off that way. But how many people you think he used this line on? How many people do you think he's slept with pretending he was only interested in them? It sounds like a guy who got into this profession so he can prey on women with low self esteem so he can get his rocks off and add another notch under his belt. I'm not tryna say that's all you're worth. I'm sayin the exact opposite... don't be another notch under his belt. You're much better than that. Get a new therapist. Hell, report him while you're at it. Cuz I'm sure he's taken advantage of many girls.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Bzzzzzzt. OP, you're right - very, very inappropriate comments. Find someone new. You'll find someone else who's good, and who doesn't abuse their position.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

wow what an idiot. please do report him because he's probably doing this to his other patients and you don't deserve to feel like a ****.. 

I know how this feels because I've been seeing this counsellor at my college counselling services. and the counsellor is 50+ and he still gave me looks and flirted with me a couple of times, he even mentioned that he snores and asked me if I would mind sleeping beside a boyfriend that snores :/ , which is natural because yes I'm a female and I'm vulnerable and he knows I probably won't go reporting him.. emotionally fragile females get the most sexual assaults


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## USAS (Apr 17, 2015)

I would run and report him.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

lol sounds like a comedy . wtf . was waiting for the blunt to show up. 
hell agressive approuch .


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## bintuae (Feb 25, 2012)

I'm not sure whether to believe this or not


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## atticlights (Feb 16, 2014)

Your therapist = the rapist. For sure though report this person and see someone else.


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## Srylance (Apr 20, 2014)

There is not much need to add anything more, stay away from him. Report him if you can, and have the courage for it. This guy is totally abusing his position.


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## melodymox93 (Apr 10, 2015)

Okay I'm not sure if anyone is looking at this blog anymore but I finally decided to report him in July 2015 and I got the results this past Friday from the state board of behavioral health licensure of Oklahoma that he didn't violate any rules so the case is closed and I'm honestly really upset that not a single thing was done when this happened and it makes me feel like my experiences and feelings I dealt with int his situation are invalid and I don't know what to do at this point.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

melodymox93 said:


> Okay I'm not sure if anyone is looking at this blog anymore but I finally decided to report him in July 2015 and I got the results this past Friday from the state board of behavioral health licensure of Oklahoma that he didn't violate any rules so the case is closed and I'm honestly really upset that not a single thing was done when this happened and it makes me feel like my experiences and feelings I dealt with int his situation are invalid and I don't know what to do at this point.


That is horrible. It sucks that people get away with this stuff. Is there anything else you can do? Have you found someone else? If not just pay the money you owe the guy and leave. What your therapist did sounds like psychological rape to me. I'm so sorry. :hug


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## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> Report your therapist. Maybe go to one more session and get a recording of him saying this kind of stuff. Then get him fired. Fired so hard.
> 
> Why are people not furious about this? This is terrifying. This man is evil.


Agreed. Get a recording OP and then report him.


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## Hermiter (Dec 15, 2013)

of course if its happening and you dont want it to then change therapists, maybe leave a review etc


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## xMissChloex (Oct 7, 2012)

Kevin001 said:


> That is horrible. It sucks that people get away with this stuff. Is there anything else you can do? Have you found someone else? If not just pay the money you owe the guy and leave. What your therapist did sounds like psychological rape to me. I'm so sorry. :hug


She could just go beat the sh!t out of him until he's left in a wheelchair for the rest of his life! That's what I feel like doing to this sick f**k myself!!!

So sorry Melody! *Hugs*


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

It's really hard to fight the system without any evidence and it's your word against theirs. I'm sure he had some clever excuse when questioned about this. Who are the state review board going to trust on the matter, a patient or a therapist, you know? Even though he didn't get punished due to your complaint I think it will stand against him if anyone else reports something similar. So eventually he may face justice for this.

It's pretty obvious he wanted to do it with you there in the office that day.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> It's really hard to fight the system without any evidence and it's your word against theirs. I'm sure he had some clever excuse when questioned about this. Who are the state review board going to trust on the matter, a patient or a therapist, you know? Even though he didn't get punished due to your complaint I think it will stand against him if anyone else reports something similar. So eventually he may face justice for this.
> 
> It's pretty obvious he wanted to do it with you there in the office that day.


Yeah I was going to say the same. Patient vs doctor, if there are no history of complaints or evidence it will favor the doctor. But at least making the complaint will be one nail in the coffin of his career. Hopefully that'll be a lesson learned for the guy and he won't be looking for any more nookie with his patients.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I'd report that guy. Make a complaint to his superiors and tell them everything you told us here. Or better yet, go back for another session and secretly record everything he says. You can go to a lawyer and they will take your case free of charge and only take a percentage of the settlement when you inevitably win your case.


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