# I have no one to talk to anymore. The loneliness is too much.



## WhiskersTheSpider (Dec 12, 2016)

Recently, I got into a fight with my small group of friends. These were the only true friends I've ever made since I moved. In middle school, I was bullied a lot, but these guys helped me through those times and I'm no longer affected by the bullying. These were the best friends I've ever had. 
But ever since high school started, we all kind of just split up. Two of them went to two different schools so it was hard to keep in touch. But we still hung out sometimes. 
Over the summer however, I got upset because they started leaving me out of hangouts and talking in separate group chats. I told them my feelings, and of course, they turn it around on me and say, "you know what? We don't want to be friends with you anymore" because apparently my depression and anxiety stresses them out. So over the past few months I've been writing apology after apology, apologizing about my depression, and that I was getting help and promised that I will change. Eventually, about a week ago, they blocked me on every social media site and stopped responding to my texts. 
I am beyond depressed. Words cannot describe how awful I feel now. They were my ONLY friends. And now they are all gone. I though my life was bad before, but damn, I wish I could go back to the beginning of summer and just keep my mouth shut. 
I have really bad social anxiety so I am unable to make new friends. (And it is REALLY bad. My mind goes blank whenever people talk to me. I can't keep a single conversation going. Making new friends is basically impossible). The help that I'm getting isn't working. I'm on my 3rd different kind of medication and I've seen no results.
But the loneliness is killing me. I go through each period of the day completely silent. I eat lunch in the library or in an empty classroom alone because I have no one to sit with. I always work on group projects alone. Whenever something funny happens, I have no one to tell it to. I'm on the track team and yet I still feel lonely because, well, I can't talk to any of my teammates. 
And then I get home from school and that's when the depression really sets in. I'd honestly rather be at school because at least I'm around people. All I can do is constantly think of how I'm such a horrible person, how I deserve to die, etc. And I have no one to text, no social media, I don't really have a family to talk to either because my brother is always in his room on his computer and my mom basically lives at work. 
I just can't take this loneliness anymore. I want to die so bad because at least I won't FEEL lonely anymore.


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## littleghost (Oct 29, 2016)

It's really hard to hang onto friends when you have a long period of depression and anxiety. I have had friends that have drifted away, and I don't really blame them because I know I was no fun to be around. They deserve to live life and have fun without worrying about me and me bringing them down. So I'm left with no friends and I understand how you feel. I hope they find some medication that works on you and you can start rebuilding your life again.


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## WhiskersTheSpider (Dec 12, 2016)

Yeah, And I understand why my friends don't want to hang out with me anymore. But I don't know how to recover without anyone to really talk to. To get my mind off things.


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## starguitar (Oct 20, 2013)

Wow that is messed up. You're still very young so it's entirely possible your friends don't even understand the concept of depression or anxiety and don't know how to deal with it. I dont know how your friends found out about your depression but I'm guessing you might have talked about it quite a bit. It's a harsh truth, but no one wants to be around a debbie downer, especially at this age when people are still immature. I know it sounds obvious, but do try to make new friends. But project positive energy. Or even neutral energy, just dont be negative. Maybe your track teammates would be a good start. Trust me it gets significantly harder to make friends after high school and college.


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## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

One thing I've noticed with my friends (Who are the best one could imagine, in their own way.. Seriously...), is giving them time and space.

Trust me. People with depression and anxiety can really get exhausting to hang with.

But good friends won't leave you. You just have to trust in that. They might however need time for themselves, or without the depressed/w/e one.
My friends every now and then, take distance.. (I do too, from them).. Eventually, everyone starts talking again, and asking how I'm doing and so on. Wanting to do stuff together etc.

But if you whine about it to them, you will come out as needy. Remember that having them as friends is something you should be thankful for and value, not something you deserve just by wanting it.


What I would do if I were you, depending on your situation, I would give them a bit time, and try talking to them a bit again, try stuff.
(Remember, that what works for me might not work for you, however)

(Or trying to talk them about your friendship; Ask if they want to be friends, do they feel like they need time apart, and can you be friends after that, etc.. Ask them how they feel about your relationship and explain how you feel.. It looks like you don't have a mutual understanding there, and that is the first part of getting it to work)

Edit: (Also, Remember to not VENT every ****ty thing in your life on your friends, if they do want to hang out with you... Just felt like that needed to be said... If you need to vent, there's psychologists for that.)


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## WhiskersTheSpider (Dec 12, 2016)

I think I'm going to try to make new friends and leave my old ones alone. I can see how I might talked about my problems a little too much which is probably why they don't like me anymore. However I think the friendship is just too far gone, so I should probably just forget about them and move on. Now that I am getting help, I'll be able to vent to my doctor instead of my new friends, so I'll make sure not to be so negative around them. Thank you Raies and Starguitar.


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## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

Hey OP,

Its pretty lame they left you out of the group chats, I once had friends which did that and many unfair things. I guess if you feel they are good friends, give them time and space, and maybe reach out to the one you have some rapport with.

One thing I'm learning is if someones your real friend, you don't have to question it...you just know it. Also im sorry you are struggling with depression, I know how tough it can get and the loneliness that emerges. If possible keep putting yourself out there in anyway possible to see if you can build new connections with people. Hoping you feel better soon.


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## PepeSylvia (Dec 1, 2016)

Your friends sound immature, but that's understandable given how young you all are. I'd suggest finding ways to occupy your time to keep your mind off of your depression/anxiety/lack of friends. 

Either volunteer or find an after school job. Find out what kind of things the other kids in school are talking about (e.g. pop culture stuff, tv shows/movies, sports, etc.). Read up on these topics, and practice talking to other students about it. Or even talk about your homework - ask someone for help even if you don't need it. Try to force yourself to smile more when you talk to people (I find this hard too). People will be more receptive to you if you emit a positive, friendly image. Also, if you're ever in a small group of people, just casually pull out a pack of gum and offer everyone a piece. Doing these little things over time can help subconsciously change people's perception of you, which will make it easier to make friends. 

Also make sure you get enough sleep at night. I find that I'm less anxious when I get a solid 8 hours. Coffee makes me more talkative, so you can try that too. Just make sure the caffeine won't react with the meds that you're on.


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## PorcupineTree (Dec 27, 2015)

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I know it's hard to do with social anxiety, but I think you should try seeking out community--either by joining a club, getting a job, or volunteering (as others have already mentioned in this thread).


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## CrystalGemPearl (Oct 3, 2016)

I remember not being able to afford therapy for this issue. I thought my friends were the immature ones, but I realized I was the immature one. And since I couldn't afford therapy, I kept going to the library to read books, no matter how nerdy my classmates thought that was.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I been never had anyone to talk to and it'll probably stay like that til I die.


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## blushing belle (Dec 21, 2016)

Very sorry you are going through this. Your friends seem a bit cruel and not compassionate at all. Please don't let them dictate your worth! They are simply people that don't understand what it's like to have depression. 

Instead, think of this situation as them doing you a favor; while it may be hard losing their friendships, this could be what helps motivate you to adopt a better mindset and eventually create new, higher-quality friendships.

In the meantime, maybe pick up some new interests/hobbies. Like another user said, an after-school job really helps! I was nervous when I first started my job, but the more I practiced socializing(and messing up at socializing lol), the more my SA decreased.

Even if you don't talk much with co-workers, you're at least around people, observing interactions, etc. so it really helps. And remember, this community is always here for you, too! Best of luck


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