# rejecting/ignoring someone



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

how do you do it in a nice way without feeling bad about it?

yesterday on the subway a guy a few seats over kept staring at me. it made me feel a bit nervous so i took out my cell phone and pretended i was busy with it (haha). i also had my headphones on and i noticed he was trying to talk to me so i took them off and he asked for my number, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. i just mumbled "no..sorry" even when he asked a few times. he said something like "but you have a cell phone right there!". :/ i just said 'no' again and put my headphones back on. the rest of subway ride he would stare at my face then look down to stare at my legs/up my skirt.. ugh. 
i felt really bad afterwards because i rejected him and maybe i did it in a rude way, did i? would non-SA people have this kind of reaction?


on top of that walking home from the subway this guy (another guy, not the first one) kept trying to talk to me and was saying things like "heyy angel.. do you not like that name?", "how are you?", "where do you live?", etc. this made me very uncomfortable as well so i just started walking away quickly and ignoring him, and he said something like "oh so you're going to just walk away now?". 
:/ although i don't feel bad about doing since he seemed a bit creepy and i think a lot of people would have that reaction.


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## rb1088 (Jan 24, 2008)

I say you made the right decision because it looks like all this guy was after is a piece. When he kept on walking behined you and saying those things that is a little creepy if you ask me, also the staring up your skirt this kind sounds like a perve. Now I stare at beautiful women but never up there skirt, that just seems wrong.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

rb1088 said:


> I say you made the right decision because it looks like all this guy was after is a piece. When he kept on walking behined you and saying those things that is a little creepy if you ask me, also the staring up your skirt this kind sounds like a perve. Now I stare at beautiful women but never up there skirt, that just seems wrong.


it was actually a different guy, they weren't the same person. but yeah i don't feel bad about just walking ahead of someone if they are talking to me, they should get the signal that i obviously don't want to talk to them.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Man, I know I'm out of the loop, but it is actually acceptable for a guy to just ask for a woman's number right away like that? I wouldn't feel bad about it; he just sounds rude and annoying. I don't think what you did was unwarranted at all.

The second guy... geez, that's even more annoying. 

Men are assholes. :lol

I think if I was a female, and some weirdo was trying to hit on me, I'd just say I already had a boyfriend. Seems like the quickest and easiest solution to me.


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## Caligula (Apr 16, 2008)

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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

njodis said:


> Man, I know I'm out of the loop, but it is actually acceptable for a guy to just ask for a woman's number right away like that? I wouldn't feel bad about it; he just sounds rude and annoying. I don't think what you did was unwarranted at all.


see, i don't know either. someone posted here (silentrice?) about how he got a bird's (lol) number he met randomly. he sounded like he talked to her first before getting her number, which i think sounds more acceptable and normal. does that happen often...?
i think it should be kind of expected that i would say no if the guy didn't say anything else other than asking for my number.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

The first guy should've taken the hint. I definitely would've. From what you've described, neither seemed like a good guy anyway.


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

I'm not a fan of taking the subway out in the east end. It seems my worries were indeed warranted, haha.


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## Caligula (Apr 16, 2008)

...


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

i wouldn't neccesarilly say it's creepy to get someone's number just after meeting them. i couldn't do it, but i have female friends who have given their number out to guys they just meet randomly on the street. however to keep asking is just weird and creepy. as for saying no, usually just 'sorry i have a boyfriend' will do.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Well it's not just me. I wondered the same thing.

I have to say that if you could see me, you would see that that kind of thing never happens to me. Ever.

Except once.

... It was a :wtf experience to me. 

I may return to explain later. But no, I was shocked and wasn't sure how to respond. It might help to know that normally I'm perennially apologetic.

"COME ON COFFEE!" :hyper :afr


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

glas said:


> I both like and hate being hit on because I know if it happens it must mean I'm at least a bit attractive, and if I don't get hit on when I'm outside, I feel insulted. not pretty enough. The thing is... the guys that hit on me are always BUTT UGLY. Cute guys never ever hit on me. I only get the ugliest out of the uglies (and most of them are all the same ethnicity, yes I'm racist.) Whenever they ask "how are you?" I'm wondering, do they really want to know "How I am" or do they just wanna fck me? They just wanna fck me cuz of the way I look, that's it.


The funny thing is that ugly guys are attracted to the same women as good-looking guys are. So you must be good-looking.


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## User57854 (Dec 26, 2006)

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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

But in this case I think you were doing the right thing, because these guys obviously only had one thing on their minds. (You know what!) Because you just don't ask some random girl on the subway for her number neither you don't keep shouting asking her where she lives to a total stranger girl on the street.

So, I don't think you should feel bad or anything at all, you were just protecting yourself so to speak.


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

416girl said:


> Don't you just love riding transit in the summer? :roll


Stick to the University/Spadina and Yonge lines. You'll be safe, I swears.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

glas said:


> Well you must be pretty. ^^
> 
> Just think, they are WEAK... they fell for YOUR beauty!! You are above them all!!!


i don't know, it was probably because i was wearing a skirt that was a bit tight and short. but they did both look at my face.. especially the guy on the subway who was staring at me, pretty close up to. i still think my face is very unattractive though.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

In this type of case I'd actually go as far as to say the less nice you are about ignoring such people the better. I'm not one who likes to be rude to people myself. But when guys like that have such a difficult time taking no for an answer, it can often be a sign they're seriously disturbed. The best approach with such people is a direct one i.e. "No I'm not interested," as otherwise they might easily misinterpret what you're trying to say to them and just become more persistent. Of course though, if even the direct approach doesn't work - then I'd advise just not responding to them at all until you have the chance to remove yourself from the situation.


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## Raplovehate (Jan 15, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> i don't know, it was probably because i was wearing a skirt that was a bit tight and short. but they did both look at my face.. especially the guy on the subway who was staring at me, pretty close up to. i still think my face is very unattractive though.


Oooo let me see :eyes . Was the person sitting next to you trying to be slick about the looking or completely upfront?? I mean, it could also be possible to tell the intentions if you can see how he was going at the way of looking. I'm more of a reserved looker, so when I look, it is at the whole package but not tresspassingly so.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Raplovehate said:


> nothing to fear said:
> 
> 
> > i don't know, it was probably because i was wearing a skirt that was a bit tight and short. but they did both look at my face.. especially the guy on the subway who was staring at me, pretty close up to. i still think my face is very unattractive though.
> ...


haha.. well he was just a few feet away so he was just staring at my face, or my legs, constantly. so i wouldn't call that a "reserved" looker i think he did want me to notice he was looking at me and tried to be upfront about it.


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## dave :o (Jan 14, 2008)

guys just want to **** you, the truth. My friends only hook up with girls and dump them after they had their fun. I don't have the self confidence tho lolol

You did nothing wrong, those guys sounded like creeps...i mean on the subway lolz


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I'm surprised by all the harsh responses toward these guys. Asking for a phone number without actually talking to a girl, that sounds like something I'd do because I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know if those guys are really creeps. To me it just like they not very smooth when it comes to dealing with women. I can relate.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

^
I think the creep part was more to do with asking repeatedly after she had already said no and following her around.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

dave :o said:


> guys just want to **** you, the truth. My friends only hook up with girls and dump them after they had their fun.


Well don't lump ALL guys into that category. Most, yes. Not all of us though!



Futures said:


> I'm surprised by all the harsh responses toward these guys. Asking for a phone number without actually talking to a girl, that sounds like something I'd do because I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know if those guys are really creeps.


They may not be creeps, but they didn't do anything to indicate otherwise. This is why you should first chat with a girl and establish some sort of comfort level between the two of you (read: rapport) before you ask her for her number. You may have made up your mind the moment you laid eyes on her, but she'll generally take some time before she does the same. You've gotta play the game.

If you can't actually chat with a girl in this manner, well.. what are you going to do with her phone number anyway? You call her up, you say hello. Then what?

There are many threads on these forums with suggestions about how to overcome the "talking to girls" issue. I like the practice approach where you do so without romantic motivations. One such thread: viewtopic.php?f=47&t=82298 (see yeah_yeah_yeah's post). The same can be applied for people in general. Exposure. Practice. Effort.


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## roswell (Feb 4, 2006)

I didn't see anything wrong or inappropriate with your reactions at all. Actually, if that's their approach towards women, I'm sure they're used to getting the cold shoulder anyway.


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## User57854 (Dec 26, 2006)

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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Zen Mechanics said:


> ^
> I think the creep part was more to do with asking repeatedly after she had already said no and following her around.


Yes this is what I meant. Apologies to all if my reply came across as over harsh. It's just that I believe that in such cases it's better to be safe than sorry, though certainly don't believe that because a guy happens to struggle with talking to the opposite sex that it automatically makes him a creep. ;-)


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Black_Widow said:


> [quote="Zen Mechanics":29bqulos]^
> I think the creep part was more to do with asking repeatedly after she had already said no and following her around.


Yes this is what I meant. Apologies to all if my reply came across as over harsh. It's just that I believe that in such cases it's better to be safe than sorry, though certainly don't believe that because* a guy happens to struggle with talking to the opposite sex that it automatically makes him a creep. ;-)*[/quote:29bqulos]
yep, i think guys come off as being creepy really easily by a lot of girls standards. i try not to jump to the conclusion and instead re-evaluate whatever the situation is and really see if he should be called creepy or not.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

Don't feel bad or guilty about rejecting street harassment. Its inappropriate to ask a stranger for their number, call them "angel" or stare up their skirts. Its not flattery, either. I'm sorry, but this is a real pet peeve of mine.. I lived in Toronto for a few years, and faced some harassment myself. And after talking to other female students in Toronto, every woman had horror stories to tell. Its just...so infuriating...


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

I agree with the angel and staring up the skirts thing. but i don't think it's inappropriate to ask a stranger for their number.. i've had friends who've given their number to girls written on a card or something without saying anything then gone to to date them, or gone up to a girl and been like 'you're cute, do you want to get a coffee what's your number?" etc. or had girls do it to them etc. that's how a lot of people meet people to date.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

It really depends what atmosphere you're in. A lot of people flirt and pass numbers.. in bars and clubs. And you can expect that. I guess what I hate about it is how shallow the initial attraction is. "Hey! I know nothing about you, but you're hot and thats my only...reason...for approaching...you.."


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

nothing to fear said:


> yep, i think guys come off as being creepy really easily by a lot of girls standards. i try not to jump to the conclusion and instead re-evaluate whatever the situation is and really see if he should be called creepy or not.


and that is why you should be loved and revered by all men


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

Its probably really frustration to hear to hear women like me complain about cat-calling and street harassment when other guys are simply innocently flirting. Some guys are creeps - most are not. Some girls are creeps - most are not. No need to jump to conclusions or stereotypes.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Zen Mechanics said:


> I agree with the angel and staring up the skirts thing. but i don't think it's inappropriate to ask a stranger for their number.. i've had friends who've given their number to girls written on a card or something without saying anything then gone to to date them, or gone up to a girl and been like 'you're cute, do you want to get a coffee what's your number?" etc. or had girls do it to them etc. that's how a lot of people meet people to date.


yeah, i didn't find that terribly creepy, i was just very uncomfortable and awkward and i do think he was just looking to try and fool around with me since he obviously knew nothing about my personality. and the fact that he kept on insisting kind of bothered me.. 
i'm also very clueless about these things, so i'm not completely sure just how common that is.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

queequag said:


> It really depends what atmosphere you're in. A lot of people flirt and pass numbers.. in bars and clubs. And you can expect that. I guess what I hate about it is how shallow the initial attraction is. "Hey! I know nothing about you, but you're hot and thats my only...reason...for approaching...you.."


I don't think that's shallow. Shallow would be dating someone based solely on their looks even if they have a terrible personality. But it's not shallow just to notice someone's attractive and want to get to know them from that.. That's why you go on a date with them, to find out what sort of a person they are and if you're attracted to their personality as well.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

...well- i'm used to being rejected/ignored, but I'm not sure how to actually do it..


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