# I have officially given up on the chances of ever having anything romantic



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

And it is gratifying. No longer do I have to worry about what women will think about me, because I probably will never get a girl to like me back. 

This gives me more energy to put into things that I should be caring about, like my music, my career, and my family. Maybe when I turn 35, I'll adopt. It's probably the only way I'll ever have kids.


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## mesmerize (Oct 19, 2012)

that kinda feeling is freeing indeed......and its usualy when things get better


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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

Seems very short sighted to me. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

It's tough when you are so nervous just thinking about talking to women. Then there is the thought of being rejected which has always stopped me from talking to women.


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

Maybe this should be moved to the triumph section? Oh wait...


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

jayjaythejetplane said:


> Maybe this should be moved to the triumph section? Oh wait...


I shouldn't laugh at this but I did.

OP, did you experience some harsh rejections?


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## Petrovsk Mizinski (Nov 29, 2011)

SilentLuke said:


> I shouldn't laugh at this but I did.


Don't worry, I lol'd ****ing hard at jayjay's post


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

You might wait to see if relationships develop over time at work. Also, I've heard of people who got married to themselves.


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

Being completely bitter towards women is such an attractive quality. I can't think why they don't like you...


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

Implicate said:


> Seems very short sighted to me. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.


Ditto!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

FFS, the only reason I didn't post this in the venting section was because I was trying to make something positive out of it.

*I don't care.*_ I am not going to be a victim of loneliness, because it is NOT my fault. _


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Good for you, work on other parts in your life and hey if it happens it happens.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Borophyll said:


> Good for you, work on other parts in your life and hey if it happens it happens.


Thank you. That's essentially what I was trying to say, although I am a bit bitter about it, and phrased it badly.

What I'm trying to say here is, if I NEVER get into a relationship, kiss a girl, or lose my virginity, I'm no longer going to blame anybody but the circumstances of my own life for that. There is a reason why God decided to put me on this earth; if it wasn't to create a family, or to be a loving husband, it was for another reason. I just need to focus on those other reasons, and stop ****ing caring so much about relationships, because it does me no good to be eaten up inside because I'm lonely for a girl.


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## LONDN (Dec 17, 2012)

<<<Sorry, edited post because i want to get off this forum thanks, LONDN>>>


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I'm at the point that I know I'm never having a family. If I never have a girlfriend or lose my virginity then I guess that's the way it was supposed to be for me.


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## creasy (Oct 29, 2012)

I flip flop on this notion a lot. It certainly is liberating in a way but disappointing too. 

My biggest fear with giving up on women is that one day I will feel "ready" to be in a committed relationship, but my lack of experience won't allow it to happen. It'll be too late then. The regret will be unbearable. 

But the reality is you could get a gf is you just talked to girls until one showed interest and work your way up from there. It doesn't just happen, effort is key.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> And it is gratifying. No longer do I have to worry about what women will think about me, because I probably will never get a girl to like me back.
> 
> *This gives me more energy to put into things that I should be caring about, like my music, my career, and my famil*y. Maybe when I turn 35, I'll adopt. It's probably the only way I'll ever have kids.


You should have been doing this from day one. In the end that's all you can count on for your happiness. You can't depend on women for your happiness, if you do they will let you down.


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## R3served (Sep 8, 2012)

I'm headed your way as how no girls show me any interest at all.


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## deanman (Dec 27, 2012)

I have your feeling sometimes. 
I just think to myself, well it's okay to be single, I gotta be happy with another stuff. 
and I do move on. I am doing that at this precise moment. but the loneliness will strike me again.. in a while.. may be a week, a month a year.. but it strikes. :-\


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Yeah I really can't see this epiphany or sorts lasting very long. It won't be long before you desire and strive for a partner, and hopefully you will work on your attitude so that you can find someone, because there is absolutely no reason why you are not capable of doing so. You just need to stop giving up at the first hurdle, no one gets anywhere in life by doing so. Do not be a quitter.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Self-fulfilling propechy indeed. And especially sad since you just refuse to give yourself a real shot. You weren't even rejected by your most recent crush - you just gave up. You defeated yourself. Hopefully you will come to realize that eventually and then give things an honest try.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Two hours later, and I already regret making this thread.

Look, I was in severe depression when I saw her name disappear from the roster today. Yes, this was a reaction to my most recent crush (that I'm not sure if you can call a crush, because I knew her for only 4 hours, and barely knew anything about her except her name) and the possible rejection.

I have been rejected straight to my face, so this was not as harsh as those incidents. But I have been getting increasingly more and more lonely lately, and I actually thought I had a chance with this girl...because she was nice to me. Silly me, I should know that women are just nice to everyone, and it's not because she actually desired me.

I just feel the bottom dropping out. I am 30 now, and it is a New Year. I wanted this year to be the dating year for me...but I have no clue on how to go about it? How do you date, when you never have even been _on_ a date? How do you know she wants to kiss you, if you have never done it before?

Yes, I am on POF, but I avoid doing anything with that, because I'm scared. It's both easier and harder to be rejected on there. Easier, in the sense that it's easier to move on if you've never met face to face...but harder, because you have to jump through more hoops, and there is no body language to even explain whether or not you are even capable of being attracted to each other. I guarantee you that a woman who would have rejected me, based on my profile and pics, probably would see me in person and fall in love with me. I probably would reject a girl based on her profile and pics, and it might just be my soulmate. That is why I hate online dating, because it's so easy to weed out the person who is perfect for you.

But if it is that easy, then why is it so hard for me to meet someone who wants to hear me talk about, well, anything, and actually want to engage me in conversation? And not throw the "I think of you as a friend/big brother figure" thing out, when I actually think I have a chance? I am not Casanova here; I shower daily, wear deodorant, brush and floss my teeth twice a day, use mouthwash, wear decent clothes, and have good manners and generally treat people well...but I am not a social butterfly, and I honestly have no clue on how to jump from point A to point B...much less to point C, simply from body language.

That is where the bitterness comes from. I never had a father figure, as I've told on here many times, and it doesn't matter how good looking or ugly I am...if I can't turn a woman on with my body language and what I say, how in the hell am I supposed to get a girlfriend?


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Good luck WT  I hope your new view on life - though controversial - makes you feel at peace with yourself. I appreciate what you were trying to say with this thread.

Edit: Oh, you just posted a big thing. Okay well...good luck if you're still searching then.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Drop the ego and take action. You are 30 years old and never dated, so what? You got rejected, so what? Your member has never touch the opposite member, so what? All this is tied to your ego. You are not unworthy because of these things. We are totally insignificant in the universe. Drop the ego. Forget about the past and start living how you want to today. If you get rejected, who gives a crap? I guarantee you that you cannot fail if you detach your ego and take action.

I get rejected all the time. It means nothing to me anymore. I get girls. Maybe not as fast as I want sometimes, but I get girls. So will you if you drop the ego and take action. Hell, getting rejected and meeting girls is fun as ****. You cannot fail if you take enough action. I seriously doubt you have something tremendously wrong with you. It's normal to get rejected. It's abnormal to have a high percentage of success unless you are the supreme top crop. So what? Doesn't mean **** if you take action and make it happen


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Maybe I should go out to a bar, and aim for someone who is completely out of my league, to get practice getting rejected?

And, hell, maybe I'll get lucky, and she'll say yes. If she does, that will be a miracle.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Maybe I should go out to a bar, and aim for someone who is completely out of my league, to get practice getting rejected?
> 
> And, hell, maybe I'll get lucky, and she'll say yes. If she does, that will be a miracle.


Talk to all girls. Girls you think are out of your league. In your league. Below your league. Just talk to any of them.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

WintersTale said:


> Maybe I should go out to a bar, and aim for someone who is completely out of my league, to get practice getting rejected?
> 
> And, hell, maybe I'll get lucky, and she'll say yes. If she does, that will be a miracle.


it doesn't matter if you get rejected. drop the ego, take action and it will happen.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I guarantee you that a woman who would have rejected me, based on my profile and pics, probably would see me in person and fall in love with me. I probably would reject a girl based on her profile and pics, and it might just be my soulmate. That is why I hate online dating, because it's so easy to weed out the person who is perfect for you.


Why the arrogance?

Glad you realized that you are just as guilty as women for rejecting them based on their pics. I remember you saying you wouldn't date an overweight woman despite being kind of chubby yourself.

You better set your priorities straight because if you made it this far without experimenting anything with women, it's because you're not doing it the right way.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

> Why the arrogance?


What is arrogant about what I said in the part that you quoted?

If anything, the previous posts were arrogant, the ones I regret making.


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## amene (Mar 28, 2010)

I feel the same...but hobbies aren't enough.. I'm lonely


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I did get the feeling that WintersTale is rather picky in who he is willing to date.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> What is arrogant about what I said in the part that you quoted?
> 
> If anything, the previous posts were arrogant, the ones I regret making.


Basically, you're saying that a woman couldn't resist you.

Reality check: You've got to meet the RIGHT kind of woman. Some will be turned off severely by your financial/social status. Some will be less judgmental.

However, the more beautiful the woman, the more likely she is to perceive you negatively.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I did get the feeling that WintersTale is rather picky in who he is willing to date.


Agreed.

If he is looking for a 18-21 year old hottie with the looks of a cheerleader, he's in for rough times.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> I did get the feeling that WintersTale is rather picky in who he is willing to date.


- At least average looks
- Skinny to chubby, not obese
- Intelligent
- Has similar interests to me

I just passed over a profile of a girl I thought was cute from her photos, and who showed interest in me, because of this:

- I'm not into the whole books thing, so if you are into that, cool, but I'm not
- I love country music and four wheelin'
- I have 2 and a half kids, and I am 2 years younger than you

I'm sorry, but what in the hell are we supposed to talk about? I don't even know what four wheeling is, despite at least 50% of the single females in my area enjoying it, and I hate most country music (Taylor Swift is an exception, but she is mostly pop.) And I want to analyze books, not talk about how you aren't into them...

I want to date someone who's a reader. I probably should hang out at the local bookstores and the library. But the problem with that is that the girls are quiet, and I would be shushed by the head librarian.

And, I'm sorry, but I live with five kids (my sister's.) I don't have time to be a replacement daddy. I'm already up to my ears in babies.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

TPower said:


> Basically, you're saying that a woman couldn't resist you.
> 
> Reality check: You've got to meet the RIGHT kind of woman. Some will be turned off severely by your financial/social status. Some will be less judgmental.
> 
> However, the more beautiful the woman, the more likely she is to perceive you negatively.



Do you know how to read? :no

All I said was that someone who might actually like me, if she met me in person, might skip over my profile. I might do the same to her. I come across completely differently in person than online, so someone who digs me online might not like me in person, and vice versa.

That's all I was saying. I don't think I'm irresistible. You must have avoided or skipped over all the posts in here where I was slamming myself, and saying I was ugly and undesirable.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think you will most likely find someone once you move out of your mom's house. And you will find way more intelligent/less hickish women in a larger city. There are also more women your age who don't have kids in large cities.

Have you gone on any dates with a woman from a dating site?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> I think you will most likely find someone once you move out of your mom's house. And you will find way more intelligent/less hickish women in a larger city. There are also more women your age who don't have kids in large cities.


There are several things keeping me here:

1. Lack of financial stability
2. Support for my mom and sister
3. Lack of social skills
4. Fear of people
5. Getting through my degree at the age of 30

If tomorrow I won a million dollars, and was able to pay off the house so my mom and sister could freely own the house and not have to worry about it anymore, I would take the remainder of the money and move to New York City after I graduate. That is my goal anyway, I've always wanted to live in a large city. I hate the country and the isolation, despite having social anxiety. And I think the constant bombardment of social things would be good for me.

I am not opposed to dating someone who likes a little country, or likes cars, or anything really. Just as long as we have something in common. I don't think it's too much to ask to have _something _to talk about on those dates. I spent two hours talking to this girl on POF, who I thought was kind of cute, and I realized not only did we have nothing in common, but we would have ended up clawing each other's eyes out. And she was the one who messaged me first.

I think part of the problem is that I am sort of in and sort of out of the city of Cincinnati. I am in a general area where I run into two types of people: the people who love rap/hip hop, and the people who love country/four wheeling. The kinds of people that I want to run into, the artistic folk/rock intellectuals, are all gathered in a completely different area of Cincinnati...and I have trouble finding girls from that area who not only are single, not single mothers, and who don't have even longer lists for what they want in their men, but who I could get along with.

I found this girl who looked perfect. She had the same religion as me, she was an artsy intellectual, she liked prog rock, she liked sci fi, and she was physically attractive. I read down her profile, which is very well written, and then I hit the bottom and read "Do not message me if you aren't physically attractive yourself." I stopped reading. I am not physically attractive, or at least I don't consider myself to be. If she hadn't had that one line, she would have been perfect...but since she was demanding perfection, we would not get along (I realize I am just as picky.)


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yes, I know why you are living with your mom. It's good you don't have to take out student loans. But it's going to hurt you in the dating market. 

Yes, women who don't have kids and are attractive are going to be pickier than unattractive single mothers.

The other thing I was thinking is if you did have a date, how will you get to the meeting spot? Are you able to bus it to Cincinnati?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm working on getting my driver's license. And there _is_ some money that's been put aside for a beat up drive around car for me.

The issue is getting over my fear of driving and getting into accidents. I am terrified that, if I get behind the wheel, I will kill myself or someone else. I forget the official term for that phobia, but my therapist named it.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

And let me get this straight...I would not be opposed to dating a single mother.

But not now. Not when I have to deal with five kids already, one of which is completely out of control and has progressed to stealing things (we got the police involved.) I don't want to deal with any more kids right now, even a biological baby of my own.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, you got to work on that driving phobia or.... move to NY/Chicago. If you can bus it you'll probably be okay but I kind of doubt any woman is going to pick you up for a date unless she lives close by.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I would warn you against dating single moms...

However, I agree that the bar is set too high for what women expect now. On you list of 5 things, number 3 is the only one that I barely have anymore, yet nothing. I might not live in the best city for dating, but I also am not up against 'The Bachelor' when I am in LA, Phoenix, Chicago, etc... NYC I bet would be the same.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Girl-Way-out-of-Your-League

This article is kind of helpful.

The biggest problems I have with what's been listed are not being in shape, being too nice/shy, and putting her on a pedestal.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

WintersTale said:


> http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Girl-Way-out-of-Your-League
> The biggest problems I have with what's been listed are not being in shape, being too nice/shy, and putting her on a pedestal.


Not being in shape is your problem that you can fix.

The other two are society's problems that women don't correct.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Classified said:


> Not being in shape is your problem that you can fix.
> 
> The other two are society's problems that women don't correct.


Actually, putting a woman on a pedestal and giving in to her every whim is not society's problem, it's a problem of a man's lack of confidence. All three of those things listed can be changed.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

In my opinion your main problems are your living situation, not being able to drive, being a bit picky, and not trying hard enough. I bet you haven't sent much of any messages on these dating sites, have you?


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

The only way to date women out of your league is having a high social standing.

Otherwise I find, most of the time, attractive people date attractive people, average people date average people, ugly people date ugly people.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

TPower said:


> The only way to date women out of your league is having a high social standing.
> 
> Otherwise I find, most of the time, attractive people date attractive people, average people date average people, ugly people date ugly people.


lol...can you please? You're really not helping.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> lol...can you please? You're really not helping.


He's the one who posted an article about it.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

TPower said:


> He's the one who posted an article about it.


Mommmm! He started it!!!!!!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am a published musician and author, if that is a high social standing. Google my name, and a million links come up, on sites like iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, Barnes and Noble, Rdio, Sony Nook store, and Bandcamp.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

rymo said:


> Actually, putting a woman on a pedestal and giving in to her every whim is not society's problem, it's a problem of a man's lack of confidence. All three of those things listed can be changed.


I disagree.

If she can't handle some guy doing nice things for her, and she reads it as the guy being desperate or not having 'confidence', then it is her problem and it is society's problem for creating that type of attitude.

It is why you get wild 18 year old girls from houses with a strict, overbearing, perfectionist Fathers... And for some reason, Feminists haven't stepped in to try and 'fix' that.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Classified said:


> I disagree.
> 
> If she can't handle some guy doing nice things for her, and she reads it as the guy being desperate or not having 'confidence', then it is her problem and it is society's problem for creating that type of attitude.
> 
> It is why you get wild 18 year old girls from houses with a strict, overbearing, perfectionist Fathers... And for some reason, Feminists haven't stepped in to try and 'fix' that.


Girls like guys doing nice things, but when that comes part and parcel with a guy's letting her walk all over him they lose attraction real fast. I'm not going to get into the 'nice guy syndrome' discussion right now, it's been done to death. Either way, those 3 things he listed can be overcome.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am skinny, except for a small beer belly. Most people describe me as skinny until I take my shirt off.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> In my opinion your main problems are your living situation, not being able to drive, being a bit picky, and not trying hard enough. I bet you haven't sent much of any messages on these dating sites, have you?


My living situation isn't that big of a deal. Many people still live at home, or moved back home. I have a good reason for it. It would actually be strange if I weren't commuting to college, when I'm out of work; I would have to explain that to a potential date (your mom pays your bills!?!?!)

Not being able to drive, I am working on fixing that.

Picky...how in the world am I picky? Sure, if I was limiting my search to supermodels, but all I said was that I wanted an average looking chubby girl who liked sci fi and read books. How is that picky? I admit I jumped the gun with this latest girl, who did look like a supermodel (she was probably a 10), but most of the time I aim realistically.

Not trying hard enough...well, you should see the responses I get when I _do _try. It might be hard for you to understand, but average looking, geeky guys who are in computer programming aren't really sought after by the majority of women. My adviser I suspect probably has never had a girlfriend in his life, and he's in his 60's.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I did get the feeling that WintersTale is rather picky in who he is willing to date.


I'm pretty sure he was the one who made a post a while back talking about how he wouldn't date a girl who liked sports because he hated them.

Things like that are EXACTLY why he's single.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Peter Attis said:


> I'm pretty sure he was the one who made a post a while back talking about how he wouldn't date a girl who liked sports because he hated them.
> 
> Things like that are EXACTLY why he's single.


I don't remember making a post like that. I would date a girl who liked sports, but she can't expect ME to like them.

And I like Basketball, so if she's a Basketball fan, we're good.

Are you sure you're not mixing me up with someone else?


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Not trying hard enough...well, you should see the responses I get when I _do _try.


So a little negative feedback from a handful of women and you give up?

I'm not really going to invest in this thread because just like Mobius & Socialphobia, you're one of those posters who recycles the same misery week after week, thread after thread. You ignore everything within, no matter how sound the advice and always go back to square one. It's infuriating, but it's a fury that motivates me because I will try with every bone in my body to not be in your position.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

^ I'm going to try a geek dating site. Maybe I'll have better luck there.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

WintersTale said:


> And let me get this straight...I would not be opposed to dating a single mother.


Hey it's your funeral brother..


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

Aces_Shy said:


> Hey it's your funeral brother..


:lol. I give my "condolences" as well.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> And it is gratifying. No longer do I have to worry about what women will think about me, because I probably will never get a girl to like me back.
> 
> This gives me more energy to put into things that I should be caring about, like my music, my career, and my family. Maybe when I turn 35, I'll adopt. It's probably the only way I'll ever have kids.


Man, I really hope you find a way to come out of your funk. I can empathize.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

I can really sympathize with you WintersTale.

I don't know why it seems like such a bad/sad thing to want to "give up" on romance, sex, dating, marriage, etc. entirely. I guess its our culture and society which is obsessed with such things. :sus

But even if its not our culture and society, and if such things are part of our human nature, it just can't be possible for every single person out of the over 7 billion people on this planet right? For one obvious thing, its not like we even have enough straight men for straight women out there.

I don't know why it seems so bad to "give up". Happiness can truly be found in other, many avenues in life. There are plenty of happy, single folks and plenty of miserable folks in relationships.

Considering I have never been in a relationship, had sex, had intimacy, dated, etc. I'd like to just purge these desires and feel "liberated" as well. I've never known otherwise, so I wouldn't think it would hurt so much. Because I can't fulfill them, I do feel some unhappiness and frustration, but it hasn't been that bad so far. I just don't want these desires to nag me more as I get older and am still a single virgin. Even if I "give up", it sure as hell doesn't mean I HATE women, it doesn't even come close to that!

Not everyone is cut out for what "everyone else" may have, like a college degree, a house, a 9 to 5 job, etc. Nor may these be cut out for everyone. Why not the same for this?


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