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## holyshilidin (Nov 5, 2010)

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## redtogo72 (Jun 7, 2008)

I think having a dating section here could be potentially a bad idea. We already see some male bashing, female bashing, "Mr Nice Guy" threads, etc. It might negatively hurt the forum, since it would be tied to the dating section. That bitterness and loneliness that we see sometimes, would trickle down even more to the forum, based on their lack of success and hurt feelings in the dating section.

Besides unless you live in a huge city, you might not find anyone in your area for a while. There isn't enough people on SAS, that your chances of finding someone would be very low, unless you are willing to have a long distance relationship.

Maybe you could try http://www.nolongerlonely.com/ for dating. It still may not have anyone in your area. I'm not sure. Good luck!


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## holyshilidin (Nov 5, 2010)

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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

There doesn't really need to be a dedicated dating section. All it would do is indicate who is actively looking to date. But you can generally find out that information from reading posts. You can sometimes find out useful information on profiles if they have filled out the information. It would be nice if everyone actually put a location, at least a state/country so you would at least know if they are local. But that is up to each individual what to put on their profile and if they don't put a location then they're probably not looking to date anyone on here anyways.

If you would like to get to know someone better you just have to send them a message and get the conversation started. Just be respectful and if the person rejects you then drop it and move on. If you harrass them about it then it will probably get you banned. I would treat it like asking someone out at work.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

I think this would be nothing but a bad thing. There's already more than enough shameless, distasteful philandering on the forum as it is, a dating section would only materialise that, rather than letting it remain largely hidden. I can't imagine how irritating it must already be to be a woman on this forum. Post a picture only to be gawped at and come on to. A dating section would just further the SA of those who are too nervous to do anything like that anyways.

No. No question.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

the forums seem to be enough.. people can PM each other if they are interested beyond the message-board level...


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

hypestyle said:


> the forums seem to be enough.. people can PM each other if they are interested beyond the message-board level...


Yes, exactly


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

NO NO NO NO NO. This would be a terrible idea. Two words: sausage fest.


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## disarmonia mundi (Jan 12, 2010)

Nah you'd have a sausage fest, like any other internet dating venue. Even the shy chicks want a man not a *****... SAS girls have made that clear, see previous threads


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Bad idea imo. You would probably get all kinds of sexual predators coming on here who dont have SA, looking to bag themselves a 'shy girl'.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

nemesis1 said:


> Bad idea imo. You would probably get all kinds of sexual predators coming on here who dont have SA, looking to bag themselves a 'shy girl'.


 there's no reason to think there would be any more sexual predators here than any other dating sites, less actually because there is so little selection here in terms of locals.

and that's also why online dating specifically for people with social anxiety doesn't work very well. i registered on nolongerlonely just out of curiosity and there were only a few people living within 100 miles of me and they hadn't logged in for like a year and a half.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Recipe For Disaster said:


> there's no reason to think there would be any more sexual predators here than any other dating sites, less actually because there is so little selection here in terms of locals.
> 
> and that's also why online dating specifically for people with social anxiety doesn't work very well. i registered on nolongerlonely just out of curiosity and there were only a few people living within 100 miles of me and they hadn't logged in for like a year and a half.


If they did put a dating section on here, word would eventually get around that this site is full of girls with low self esteem and/or other emotional problems, and girls with low self esteem or whatever are very attractive targets to sexual predators......certainly more so than 'normal girls'.

And nolongerlonely fails because it doesnt have many members, i checked it out too and there wasnt anyone anywhere near me either. This site has a hell of a lot of members, which could be seen as rich pickings for certain types of people.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

The amount of jealousy and tension it would create here would kill the forum. It really needs to be left as a support site for SA. As mentioned, if people feel there could be something more then the PM option is the one to take.


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## Surrender (Jul 19, 2010)

nemesis1 said:


> This site has a hell of a lot of members, which could be seen as rich pickings for certain types or people.


I've already heard of posers trying to bag a "shy girl" here.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

nemesis1 said:


> If they did put a dating section on here, word would eventually get around that this site is full of girls with low self esteem and/or other emotional problems, and girls with low self esteem or whatever are very attractive targets to sexual predators......certainly more so than 'normal girls'.


yeah, and also, a lot of random people(normal girls and guys) would register just to raise their chances of meeting someone. All this site needs is a bunch of non-SA douchebags.... :no



Surrender said:


> I've already heard of posers trying to bag a "shy girl" here.


I'm not even surprised to hear that.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Surrender said:


> I've already heard of posers trying to bag a "shy girl" here.


Damn, how low can you go?


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## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

No.

This forum is a place for people to discuss, among other things, how social anxiety affects dating. Having an actual dating section would erase that.


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

*I think we ought to give it a try*

I think we ought to give it a try.

Let me try to dispel some of the concerns you all mentioned.

1. normal guys would come here to bag a shy girl.

The dating section would not a separate website. It is part of the forum or inside the SAS website that is not exposed to the outside. It will be unlikely that a person randomly googling for shy girls to find this page.

2. It would be a sausage fest.

That is true to an extent. Males requests for females will dominate the section. However, remember that is the situation anywhere else in any dating site.

3. There is already places in the forum where people can express their interest in dating.

That is incorrect. The posts related to intimate stuff are spread all across the forums with no chance of anybody looking for a partner to ever find that post.
If we have a central area that is specifically meant for people to look for partners, then it would be a lot more focussed and there will be a lot more successful mixing of people.

In fact SAS should have had a dating section a long time ago.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I worry that some dudes wouldn't get any bites and would take it out on everyone/no one in the Frustrations section. Seems awkward.


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## Chris2012 (Sep 5, 2010)

I enjoy long nighttime walks on the beach.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Absolutely not. Too many people are bitter and jealous as it is, of people in real life. Even some people are jealous of other sas members. Its bad enough people make posts with the ulterior motive of attracting females, or males... Albeit this is rare. Like previous posts said, if you are interested in someone, send them a pm and see if that can work. This is a support site, not a dating site.


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## SociallyBroken (Oct 3, 2010)

I really don't think they should , But then again the GLBT forum section has a "personals ad" thread where you can post about yourself , started by a mod. If it's allowed for that forum in this site , I think it should be allowed on the relationship forums too. But do I think it's a "good idea" - no not really. That is just me though. I came on here for support not a relationship, but others might want more and if a lot of users feel like that they should make a group on SAS and join on that maybe .


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

need2bnormal said:


> if a lot of users feel like that they should make a group on SAS and join on that maybe .


that makes sense. the mods could make a group and users who are interested can sign up.


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## SociallyBroken (Oct 3, 2010)

jer said:


> that makes sense. the mods could make a group and users who are interested can sign up.


Or even if they made a section in the "18+" group page for it? Just an idea.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

nemesis1 said:


> If they did put a dating section on here, word would eventually get around that this site is full of girls with low self esteem and/or other emotional problems, and girls with low self esteem or whatever are very attractive targets to sexual predators......certainly more so than 'normal girls'.


i don't agree. first of all girls with social anxiety are more likely to be distrusting and difficult to convince to meet up with in real life. that's the exact opposite of what sexual predators want. secondly, because this is a message board system, people who posted in the dating section but only had one or two posts would automatically be suspicious compared with the people who are regulars here and have spoken about their social anxiety history. i doubt that hoards of sexual predators are going to want to bother coming here and going through the trouble of fabricating a social anxiety history and posting in the forums when they can meet more people on other websites much more anonymously and with much less trouble. thirdly, people already use this site for dating so there's nothing to stop sexual predators from coming here right now. i fail to see why adding a dating section would make a significant difference.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

I guess I'm a little confused about what a dating section would even look like. We have profiles to disclose however much or little we wish to. PM provides the communication method that keeps things private. I think the only thing "missing" is knowing who's looking and who isn't, in which case that _could_ be an option to add on one's profile.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

seafolly said:


> I guess I'm a little confused about what a dating section would even look like. We have profiles to disclose however much or little we wish to. PM provides the communication method that keeps things private. I think the only thing "missing" is knowing who's looking and who isn't, in which case that _could_ be an option to add on one's profile.


There's already a "single, looking" option under "dating status."


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Well that answers that! So...what's missing that people who are looking need?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I don't think the mods will want to deal with what a dating section will bring to this site.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

seafolly said:


> Well that answers that! So...what's missing that people who are looking need?


you are right. the only thing that's really missing is whether or not someone is willing/looking to date someone from on here. all that's really needed is a thread. there's no need for a dating section.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

try http://www.trueacceptance.com

It's for people with Mental Health Issues

http://www.shypassions.com/


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I'm leaning towards those that think its a bad idea. Maybe it could be restricted to people with a minimum number of posts and moderaters can then vet people who want to join in case they are faking SA to use the dating forum.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Recipe For Disaster said:


> you are right. the only thing that's really missing is whether or not someone is willing/looking to date someone from on here. all that's really needed is a thread. there's no need for a dating section.


The thing that is missing is notification if someone likes me/you and how can two shy people who don't want to be hurt by being rejected can meet.

Maybe this forum needs to have a way for there to be arranged on-line practice dates. Something like speed dating. Have some of us push our boundaries quite a bit in a good way.

Or come up with a few questions (not as many as the real websites) and match people based on their answers.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I like eating seashells by the seashore...


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Meh. I don't really think it's necessary. People contact others they find interesting already so it's not really much different, well other than going in assuming something romantic will come out of it. It's not hard to just read the forums a bit and look for people with similar interests that you could contact (of course the "hard" part might be contacting them). 
Also I second Pita's comment.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

pita said:


> I worry that some dudes wouldn't get any bites and would take it out on everyone/no one in the Frustrations section. Seems awkward.





nothing to fear said:


> Also I second Pita's comment.


Doesn't that seem a tad sexist?

Could there be some... dare I say it... generalizing going on here? :sus


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

anomalous said:


> Doesn't that seem a tad sexist?
> 
> Could there be some... dare I say it... generalizing going on here? :sus


It does sound sexist, but it's also true. A dating section on here could easily become a source of frustration more than anything else.

I can see lots of things that could go wrong and start mega frustration threads on the forum. Since it would likely be a sausage fest, like most internet dating sites, many guys will likely not get any messages or replies. plus, imagine the flaming threads if girls on this site decide in a crushing majority not to go on the dating section (ie "even SA girls dont like SA guys" threads). It could also lead to more frustration to female, if they get on the dating section, but dont get any message/replies.

I agree with those saying that this is a support site, not a dating site. And if you see someone potentially interesting, there is the PM option.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

JFmtl said:


> It does sound sexist, but it's also true. A dating section on here could easily become a source of frustration more than anything else.


I'm well aware it's true. But I'm pretty sure that males get reamed on a regular basis here for making far less offensive and also-true "generalizations" about the opposite sex, so I thought it would be fun to point out.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

anomalous said:


> I'm well aware it's true. But I'm pretty sure that males get reamed on a regular basis here for making far less offensive and also-true "generalizations" about the opposite sex, so I thought it would be fun to point out.


lol....you're comparing apples to oranges right now. There is a pretty high percentage of men on this site who make posts in which they take out their dating frustrations on women.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought the posters you're referring to were just talking about a specific trend on this site, not all men.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

You mean it aint?

Aw shucks:no

Seriously though, starting something like that would just move the emphasis away from support to somthing completely different.

A fundamental shift in the fabric of SAS!

I'm on here way too much man :lol


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## BrokenStars (Dec 10, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> I like eating seashells by the seashore...


:love2


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

VagueResemblance said:


> No.
> 
> This forum is a place for people to discuss, among other things, how social anxiety affects dating. Having an actual dating section would erase that.


Bingo!

Plus, most of us would be too shy or socially awkward to get anything going. How does the saying go...you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

anomalous said:


> Doesn't that seem a tad sexist?
> 
> Could there be some... dare I say it... generalizing going on here? :sus


If I'd used the words "all dudes" instead of "some dudes", perhaps.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

pita said:


> If I'd used the words "all dudes" instead of "some dudes", perhaps.


Disagree. Your choice of "dudes" instead of just "people" is the issue; "some" vs. "all" is secondary, and generalizations never apply to "all" members of the group in question, anyway.

It's not a big deal, of course, and you're probably correct about what the outcome would be. It's just kind of funny that implicit in that statement is the notion that men would have a tougher time finding partners, which seems to be the idea many SAS women are perennially disputing, and that men are practically prohibited from stating themselves.


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## house bound (Dec 13, 2010)

ggggggggggggg


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

SAS Dating section = SAS forum civil war


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## antonina (Oct 25, 2008)

It would probably create a more anxiety ridden environment which would contradict the support factor. I think using a site like Shy Passions would be better. That way people could come here to ask for advice and support. If the two were on the same site it would create problems and a conflict of interest.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

On paper it might sound good, but I agree with everyone here. We already have enough people (guys and girls) being reamed as it is for complaining about their singledom (me included) and others telling blaming it on their niceness like its some mental disorder, that making a dating site of any kind would only exacerbate the problem and make it worse, really.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

im not looking for any dates on here so i dont care either way.


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