# Fitting In in College



## Evergreen (Feb 15, 2012)

Hey, I'm a freshman in college and I'm having a really hard time fitting in. People generally like me, a lot of random people come up to me telling me they think I look cool or pretty (I dress kinda artsy and out-there) but it's hard for me to actually become friends with anybody. People tell me all the time that I look like I'm always happy and ask me if I ever get upset, but they have no idea that I call my parents and friends from home crying a few times a week because I feel so socially isolated. And even when I am around other people, I still usually feel alone. I feel disconnected from most people here, like nobody here understands me. A big part of this is also because I don't party or drink. I think another part of it is that in middle school and high school I had a lot of issues I was dealing with outside of school while working really hard to get good grades and I had a few close friends and that was all I really needed, so I feel like I never really developed socially because it was never something that mattered much to me. I'm afraid to initiate conversations with other people sometimes and I feel totally clueless as to how to make friends or what to say or do. I always thought things would fall into place naturally for me, and they seem like they are falling into place for everyone around me, but just not me even though I feel like I'm trying so hard. I'm part of lots of clubs which is good for meeting people, but I'm unable to really become friends with any of them, or the people I do meet and who do express an interest in befriending me usually annoy me for some reason and I don't even know why, because usually they're very nice people. It's just, I feel like everyone around me is artificial and fake, and like I'm the only one who's real.


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## aanner (Jun 20, 2011)

hello! sorry I'm on my iPod so I can't remember everything you wrote, but I thought id relate. I'm a freshman in college too, and basically friendless. I know 1 person but that's it. Im not a partier or a drinker either, I think it's dumb and pretty pointless. I do feel disconnected from people and annoyed. It's like, if they try to befriend me, 75% of the time im just like, okay what's wrong with them?? why are they being so nice to ME?? I distance myself from any potential friend because I don't know.... I just feel they're weird when they're most likely a perfectly normal, awesome person. I just can't connect a lot of times and it sucks because I want to. I really do. 

I feel like a lot of people are fake too, and I'm the only real, raw, honest, logical person in the room. Everyone else just wants to party, gossip, be fake nice to eachother, and I don't get it. Why can't you just be yourself and real? Blehh


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## nycdude (Mar 20, 2010)

Man, i'm so nervous. I start my 2nd year of college next friday. Haven't been to school since last summer.


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## diversus (Feb 18, 2012)

Hey, you are pretty much the opposite gender version of me.
I'm a freshman in college, I've been told I'm good looking, but when I go to parties It's always the guys who look like they're desperate for a go get the girls, who are also desperate. I'm intelligent, and funny, and people do try to make me go out sometimes. I do clubs and stuff too, but I just don't feel like I fit in with most of the "college" scene. The guys are all "bros", and they just rate all the girls and talk about getting wasted. The girls are insane towards one-another, it's like high school all over again. They seem to have the low self-esteem, so to feel better they try to make themselves look better or more desirable. I think in the end, no matter how different we feel, we're pretty much the same; the in-crowd is worried about staying accepted, and they feel a bit more relaxed to have a crowd. Those of us that feel isolated are afraid that we're not accepted. We all fear the same thing. People don't really reject "you", they just do whatever they can to make sure others don't reject them, even it if means being snooty.
Everybody sees the world differently. If you grabbed your two best friends, I'd bet good money that if you spend a day in their heads, they would each see you differently, because you are a different "character" in everybody's "movie" of life. To some you are the roommate, to others, the person in the hall they occasionally see. To some guy/girl, we may the person they really wish they could talk to but are too shy, so they give up or feel down and come off as snooty, but we have to accept that sometimes we make up what others' think. There's nothing wrong with you, absolutely not! Just relax. Look up the book "The four agreements". It's very cheap, relatively short, and incredibly written. My sister recommended it to me, and it's perfect. It changed a lot of things, the way I see MY world.


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## Kissadilla (Feb 12, 2012)

I feel the very same way.  I feel totally isolated and everyone my age seems so artificial and self absorbed. I would say find your passions in life and stick with em. Feeling productive like that definitely helps! 

Diversus, that definitely is a must read. So simple, but so empowering.


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## InMyDreams55 (Apr 1, 2011)

Add me to the list! I'm having trouble "fitting in" as well. You'd think the awkwardness of "fitting in" would die after high school. But no....it lives on. :roll

I just started my first semester at a completely new school. I don't smoke(weed or cigs) or drink either, so it's gonna be hard finding my niche. Making new friends is hard. But i am optimistic that it will get better...


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## Ashley2157 (Mar 4, 2012)

Hey you're definitely not alone. I'm in my senior year of college and I honestly don't have any people I'd truly consider friends upon leaving. I live with my best friend, but I've known her since 5th grade. She's the primary reason I'm not dying of loneliness. I don't have any awesome advice on how to make friends, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Sometimes that really makes a difference. It sounds to me like you are trying pretty hard to fix your problem, and you have plenty of time to do so still. Best of luck ;-), I'm sure things will get better with time and determination


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## PulchritudinousDemise (Dec 7, 2011)

This sounds just like me. I find it difficult to fit in especially because I commute everyday & I live w/ a strict dad so I cant even party if I wanted to. But luckily (or sadly) I'm becoming accustomed to enjoying my own company & entertaining myself and I just keep hope that ill get enough money to stay on campus one day.


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