# Anyone else feel like they've wasted good years away?



## HeartofDarkness (Feb 7, 2013)

I figure this is likely something we start to feel more and more as we get older, or maybe it’s just me. But does anyone ever feel like they’ve wasted good years of their youth?

I know for me, I really feel like I’ve wasted a lot of my 20’s and 30’s (I’m 34 now) simply not being able to live life to the fullest like I’ve always wanted. There have been brief periods in my life where I did get to live the dream life I’ve always imagined. But they are too few and far in-between. 

The last few years have been especially hard on me. A lot of the things I had hoped and worked so hard for didn’t go my way. And now at age 34 I’m flat broke and stuck living in my parents’ house. All I can do is save all my money and wait until I have a nest egg big enough to make a new move in life. But in the meantime I’ll be forced to sit and watch my life pass me by (yet again) as I regroup and try to give things another go. 

Anyone else ever felt this way? What did you do to try and make you’re rather worthless existence seem worthwhile?


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

I couldn't hold down a job for 3 years due to depression, and the 3 years after that I was essentially unemployable, so a total of about 6 years of "wasted time".

I spent most of those years locking myself in my younger sister's house being a weird uncle and spending time with her baby at the time. That kid unknowningly motivated me to have thoughts about starting over from scratch and massively cleaning up to minimize my life, and I've just tried to build up slowly like you are.

I'm nearly 4 years older than you, and the last 4 years was a slow crawl out of the hole and the difference between making it and regressing was slim.


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

From time to time i recall some key past periods (end of highschool, university, life at 25 in my own apartment) and feel sad. I wasted all that time, but while i was living it i was sure there simply was no prospect whatsoever for me. I had massive SA and a host of other problems too (like BDD). 
Now i too am trying to start again, by getting the job and moving out of the house, into one of my own again. I hope it works this time around.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I can definitely relate. I graduated from college late because of a long absence due to anxiety. During my 20's I was a total recluse. I had zero friends. I really mean ZERO. I didn't party like people my age. I didn't drink. I didn't go out on Friday nights. I had sex once at 24 with a pro and only really lost my v at 28. I feel like I threw away the best years of my life.

I overcame much of my anxieties, got married and then another setback--a divorce. But after my divorce I had a lot of fun. Slept with lots of women, vacations, new activities, drank and got high. Now I wish I did all this when I was in my 20's. 

I watch those old high school movies like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" or even reality shows like the "The Real World" and even "Buckwild." I watch these shows filled to capacity with envy at these young people enjoying their lives. 

But this regret for opportunities lost is holding me back. I have to get over it and look at all the possibilities the future has to offer.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

Yeah my entire 30s were a complete waste and now my 40s look like being the same,just being a spectator of life and not remotely participating.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

mark101 said:


> Yeah my entire 30s were a complete waste and now my 40s look like being the same,just being a spectator of life and not remotely participating.


Dude, if it's that bad then move to the Philippines or Caribbean. You will have plenty of girlfriends there. Certainly better than wasting away like you're describing.


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## shyshisho (Apr 19, 2009)

I missed out on a lot because of the SA--dancing, parties, sex, marriage, children, etc. My career dreams were also dashed. At least I traveled a lot.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

No, I'm hoping the years go by fast so I can retire and not have to work. I've felt this way since I was a teenager.


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## HeartofDarkness (Feb 7, 2013)

shyshisho said:


> I missed out on a lot because of the SA--dancing, parties, sex, marriage, children, etc. My career dreams were also dashed. At least I traveled a lot.


Yeah, I can definitely say that the best times of my life happened during my travels. I hope to travel a lot more, but of course that requires money... which I don't have at the moment.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Dude, if it's that bad then move to the Philippines or Caribbean. You will have plenty of girlfriends there. Certainly better than wasting away like you're describing.


I can't really run from myself,wherever i go i'l still be stuck with this dysfunctional brain.
Sitting indoors it doesn't matter what country your in lol.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Absolutely I feel that way. Sometimes the regret over wasted years is overwhelming. I've come to realize that some people don't grow or mature mentally the same as others. At my job, the employees are of all age groups, from late teen to senior citizen. Many of the young people are very poised and mature and know what they're doing and what to do to get it, be that in education, employment, basic health or interpersonal situations. I was so not like that when I was younger, and I still have problems knowing what to do. If I had had this perspective back then, I could have made better strides in those areas I mentioned. Instead I just wasted it all, and now I'm paying the price.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Sometimes, I do have a lot of thoughts and wishes for a "Do-Over" of my life. But the reality is all we have is the present moment, and that this type of thought isn't productive. So where I'm at now is doing my best not to wallow, I still do have a tendancy to day dream, and get lost in nostalgia and or different versions of reality. 

I thank myself for the small steps I took in my 20's and I hope that i am able to make more changes in my 30's. I started travelling in my 30's so if nothing else I have memories from that.


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## CyclingSoPhob (Apr 8, 2008)

Before I read this I just posted something similar in someone else's thread. I guess this is one of the biggest complaints of growing older besides health.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

IcedOver said:


> Absolutely I feel that way. Sometimes the regret over wasted years is overwhelming. * I've come to realize that some people don't grow or mature mentally the same as others.* At my job, the employees are of all age groups, from late teen to senior citizen. Many of the young people are very poised and mature and know what they're doing and what to do to get it, be that in education, employment, basic health or interpersonal situations. * I was so not like that when I was younger, and I still have problems knowing what to do.* If I had had this perspective back then, I could have made better strides in those areas I mentioned.* Instead I just wasted it all, and now I'm paying the price.*


Same as that. :/


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

yeah, knowing the fact that some people start getting laid from let's say 18, i have already wasted 9 years = 3285 days.. beside i have never done anything i really wanted to do, instead i just let myself go


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

my life is so cheap...only my gf makes it good. i wish i could offer her more than the same uselessness that has already made me waste my entire life. now i watch myself slip into old age as the same useless lump as always...why do I live at all?? I have no career and have only ever lost at things, often with spectacular humiliation. I just want to take my gf somewhere far away where everything is different and I don't have to keep losing.


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## Waddupshuga (Feb 22, 2013)

Drugs help me forget all the years I wasted taking other drugs.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

I'm in the same boat, but I've never lived any "dream" for even a second. I went $150,000 into debt to get a worthless degree and now make the equivalent of less than half minimum wage. I make less than half of what I made 10 years ago, when I had no debt. I have no hope of ever living on my own, getting a girlfriend, or being anything other than a spectator, as someone else put it. My life is over, and it never even got started.


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

Sorry to read that Mongoose (and others in similar plight).

I have some debt problems too, some due to me, others due to the rest of the family and can relate to a degree. I guess i had it a bit better in that if i manage to get the job i applied for i will be able to live on my own.
Money can really wreck a person's life in this horrible world we live in.


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## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

Yes, I do feel that way.

Earlier today I saw a young boy and girl joking around, over the street, from the window. And it really got me down, because I never had that kind of interaction when I was that age. It would have been really nice to have had the experience of hanging out with the opposite sex, at the age when most people go through that. Being teased, having fun. That kind of innocent silliness probably won't happen for me now, because the people I meet will be adults with lives lived, and everything that comes with that.

I try to remind myself that there's nothing I can do about the past, and it doesn't help me to be happy in the present, to dwell on these things. But sometimes it's hard not to get all melancholy.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

HeartofDarkness said:


> Anyone else ever felt this way? What did you do to try and make you're rather worthless existence seem worthwhile?


Gambled, had sex with high class prostitutes, consumed copious amounts of drugs, you know, the usual methods of escapism.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

yeah but im trying my hardest to make up for lost time


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Yes, my best years are wasted.


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## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

Live and Learn said:


> I find it is actually easier as an adult, and just as enjoyable, to be around members of the opposite sex, jest and tease with them, and flirt a little bit just to let them know they are attractive and I appreciate them. Men and women never grow too old for that kind of fun and play. You just need to be able to get out and be with people--work part-time or volunteer. I have a relative who is paralyzed from the waist down; he regularly spends mornings at a Starbuck's coffee place, just hanging out talking to the regulars and new people who happen to come in.
> 
> You are never too old to meet the right person and fall in love, either. And falling in love at 30 or 50 or 70 feels just as invigorating and giddy as it did when one was a teenager. Wonderful things happen in life when we least expect them--things we never dreamed we would experience! *Life ain't over until it's over!* Sh*t happens, but good things happen, too. You just have to keep going, not throw in the towel, and stay in the game.


Thank you.  I meant that I missed certain experiences as a teenager, because I stayed at home all day having panic attacks. I wasn't in education or doing anything that other people do as rites of passage. I really wish I could have that back, but I can't. I know I could return to education, which I might do. But it's not possible to experience things the way that other people did, the first time around.

But there isn't anything I can do about it, and you're right about everything you said. I try to focus on how I can enjoy life now, more and more. Because that's the only thing that will help to get where I want to be.

I really want to tell everyone in this thread that maybe their best years are ahead of them. It will be different, being older, but not necessarily worse!


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Live and Learn said:


> So, if your first time experiencing gender play is in your twenties or thirties, IMHO, you won't really miss out on anything! :yay


It doesn't matter whether love feels the same in your sixties as in your teens. Nobody wants to have anything to do with someone who hasn't been in a relationship. So the odds are that the person who never experienced love as a young man will never experience it.


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

It is harder, definitely. I know from myself that i always have reccurent thoughts of this sort (no one would want me, since i have never been in a relationship before), but if you have a job, and can even manage some sort of autonomy (doesn't have to be your own place, just some degree of being your own self) then the prospect does look better in my view.

We are the same age (33,34) so i can relate. Not all other people had it good either, who knows, maybe they are mature enough to see that you are not a bad option, provided that you have positive traits, personality-wise. What is certain though is that if we do not even try, failure is guaranteed. A chiche, but it is obviously so.


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## coffeeandflowers (Mar 2, 2013)

Lately I have been remembering past experiences, both good and bad. And I do feel a sense of regret for not making the best of my youth. While I am not _that_ old, I am getting older and will continue to get older (if I am alive...) I want to be young, lol. I don't want to get old. I didn't think I would be the type to feel that way, after all age is just a number. But I am getting really scared that this is my life and it will not change. I don't want these kinds of thoughts holding me back further though. My 30s can rock, right? It will still be me having the experiences. Better now than never.



Live and Learn said:


> You just need to be able to get out and be with people--work part-time or volunteer.


That is excellent advice. This is what I am working towards. The challenge for me is being consistent and not giving up. I easily discouraged. Like they say, baby steps. I want a quick solution for my problems; I am realizing that it will take years to get better. Still, each step of the way will be an improvement of my current situation, so I don't have to wait to live my life. Something else I am realizing is that I won't be able to do this alone. I need outside help; so hard to ask for help though.



Mersault said:


> What is certain though is that if we do not even try, failure is guaranteed. A chiche, but it is obviously so.


Yes, totally right. I need to remind myself of this every single day.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Not anymore. Especially considering I am young and have many years ahead of me. I could lament my high school years and the two years I spent in college, but why bother. I'm not getting that time back so there's no point in regretting them, the only way I'll bother thinking back on them are as motivation to make my life better and to think about the progress I want to make.

Edit: I now see this is in the 30+ section. I don't belong in here so NM. I always get tripped up by this section. I'm leaving my response anyway.


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

coffeeandflowers said:


> Yes, totally right. I need to remind myself of this every single day.


Me too...

I think that the real difference is that now one cannot just walk to another person and ask, he has to have something to fall back on, like a job or his own apartment.


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## Young Money (Feb 6, 2013)

I've wasted so much of my time already! Lucky for me I'm only 18 though


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## elDiablo (Jun 11, 2011)

My best years has gone. I have nothing about future. Sometimes I ask myself, why i insist to live while i have nothing about hope.


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## Paperwalls (Feb 26, 2013)

I sometimes feel this way, but I recently came across this meme/image from a comic book Facebook page and I really put this into perspective. I have it printed out and I keep it taped above my bed so I see it when I wake up every day.










Also think of Samuel L. Jackson. Man didn't get his first major acting gig ("Jungle Fever") till he was 45 and he's a total bad ***!


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## gnomealone (Feb 3, 2013)

Barette said:


> Not anymore. Especially considering I am young and have many years ahead of me. I could lament.....years and the two years I spent ...., but why bother. I'm not getting that time back so there's no point in regretting them, the only way I'll bother thinking back on them are as motivation to make my life better and to think about the progress I want to make.
> 
> Edit: I now see this is in the 30+ section. I don't belong in here so NM. I always get tripped up by this section. I'm leaving my response anyway.


First of all, they don't check i.d. when you come into this section....Secondly, I edited some of your post to show that your comments
really apply to everyone. Relevant, positive and astute comments are always wecome, regardless of the site section.Most of us are going to live into our 80's anyhoo.. Just wanted to acknowledge your post...:clap


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

Good post Paperwalls...


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## Kinos Journey (Aug 19, 2011)

There are people who constantly talk about how high school was the best years of their life, and insist it's that way for *everyone*. 

That's often what I tell myself when I get down on myself for 'wasting' my 'twenties'. People like to hold it up as this standard for 'THE BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE EVR' when, in reality, that's not always the case. I didn't fully appreciate the things I had when I was twenty because my mind wasn't developed enough to get there. 

YMMV, but I think the best time of your life is what you make of it. Better it be spread out than some arbitrary decade that's behind you.


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## Nick9075 (May 25, 2010)

Mongoose said:


> I'm in the same boat, but I've never lived any "dream" for even a second. I went $150,000 into debt to get a worthless degree and now make the equivalent of less than half minimum wage. I make less than half of what I made 10 years ago, when I had no debt. I have no hope of ever living on my own, getting a girlfriend, or being anything other than a spectator, as someone else put it. My life is over, and it never even got started.


I am pretty much in the same boat and I have not had a full time job since 2009 only scattered temp work.. All those things above, I pretty much have given up on .


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## Wingman01 (Mar 15, 2012)

Young Money said:


> I've wasted so much of my time already! Lucky for me I'm only 18 though


I wish I was 18 again. That was a good year for me.


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## Miwo (Apr 14, 2009)

Certainly money goes a long way, since you cant do anything without it these days. To me the biggest step is to live independently on your own, debt free, and have some kind of stability. I guess that is what my priorities have been the past 6 years of my life since graduating college. My 20s are nearly over and I havn't been traveling the world, partying like a rockstar, getting into serious relationships, enjoying nightlife ... like people in their 20s are expected to do. I'm fine with that though because I'm fully independent, debt free, and have my own house now... so while I didn't 'enjoy' my youth as much as others, I think it puts me in a better position in the long term than a lot of people my age

Theres that saying.... life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. Yes, sounds cliche.. but I agree because the majority of the time we are unwilling to react to it because it puts us way out of our comfort zone.


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## stewartoo7 (Mar 6, 2013)

my 20s were crazy and i loved them and hated them now i m 34 and being out of work and loosing all my friends my 30s suck big time


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## Nick9075 (May 25, 2010)

stewartoo7 said:


> my 20s were crazy and i loved them and hated them now i m 34 and being out of work and loosing all my friends my 30s suck big time


Well I never got that chance even in my 20s. Right now I am almost 38, unemployable with bad credit so I basically am out of options. I mean when you are in your late 30s it is virtually impossible to change these things. I mean how do I get a job with a horrible work history even if I decided to change fields? 
Things like ever owning a home, having any family or friends or even a vacation are all impossible dreams


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

Yes.
I remind myself nobody else cares about that but me. It has absolutely no effect over people around me. 

I know a guy at work who makes up stories.. He's like the dad from the movie 'big fish'.

So I take his habit conservatively and fake at being a well-adjusted person.


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## will30 (Mar 3, 2012)

Now.....................absolutely. With all thats going on I feel i have no time to enjoy life.


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## Paperwalls (Feb 26, 2013)

Paperwalls said:


> I sometimes feel this way, but I recently came across this meme/image from a comic book Facebook page and I really put this into perspective. I have it printed out and I keep it taped above my bed so I see it when I wake up every day.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Bears repeating


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## johng1 (Apr 21, 2013)

*wasted youth in the teenage wasteland*

i end up being homeschooled till 15 with no social interaction and then get sent off to a strict christian school. i was the school nerd and had no friends there either. i end up going to college and having no clue how to act. never had girlfriend or friends or anything. i drop out and end up working factories and being treated like a slave. yelled at and making 8 and hr to bust my balls for 12 hrs a day. so i get desperate feeling like im wasting my youth because at the time i was 23 so i start asking girls out over and over and over and over and over again literally till now at age 30 and they would never give me a chance. so i have had no girlfriend no friends and no money or life for all these years. i started getting nervous depressed and suicidal and decided that i cant socialize. i feel like the guys want to beat me up and the girls act like *****es and either laugh or roll there eyes when i walk by. so now im 30 and i dont have a clue what i did wrong and all i want to do is say **** it and just start getting high and escape. i tried for years to work hard and be good and believe in god and be nice to people and all i ever got was abuse and smartass people giving me cliches and telling me my life is my fault or life is what you make it or bla bla bla. i have watched every drug addict, hillbilly, *******, pervert, and complacent ******* get the girl. i have watched people from my old high school who were completely retarded and EVEN THEY have houses, wife, kids, and even through in the ****ing pooch. i dream of being young and going to bars and this and that but now im stuck. im too ****ing old to hang in clubs with 20 year olds who think your ancient and then i dont want to spend my time with boring *** 25-30 year olds that either 1 have kids 2 divorced or 3 their ****ing married. so where do i turn? where the **** do i go? and not only that every ***** is ****ing closed off! ive got to pay for every ******* they dated in the past and how closed off her heart is !!! wtf!!! so now i kinda hate it. i hate the bs chase. i only relate to charles bukowski and i get jealous because i see all these 22 year olds who have houses beautiful wife and make 20+ dollars an hr and here i am single, 30, living with my parents and either making 8 an hr or unemployed. I TRIED!!! I WORK HARD!! IVE ASKED THE GIRLS OUT!!! MY DESPERATION IS CAUSED BY THIS SOCIETY NOT ME!!! DAMNIT. IF I COULD GET ONE GIRL TO GIVE ME A CHANCE HELL ALL THE CRACKHEADS HAVE GIRLS. PRISON INMATES GET MARRIED!!! wtf. im not ugly!! i had one girl say i looked like johnny depp and i had a guy tell me i looked like river phoenix and they both are goodlooking so what the **** is going on!!! so now im just ready for life to end. i sure as hell am not going to work in a factory another 30 years making 8 an hr and never getting a life **** it. This life sux and the people act like a ****ing joke. everyones a success but me and i just dont get how everyone else does it. how the **** do i get a decent job and get a girl to give me a ****ing chance??? screw it where is the .38?


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## Reprise (Nov 4, 2012)

i've wasted most of my youth working in hospitality, cause i had nothing else to do, but foolishly thought i could make lots of money, when really i should have been hanging out with my friends, i regret that i can't bring back those wasted years, now it seems all i got to look forward to is another day at work, a paycheck so i can continue to save, maybe for a one way trip to some obscure country, maybe if i could find a monastary, or some kind of village, where life is simple and maybe then i could escape the modernised world, the rat race, and find my true essence ..my life force, my purpose...


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## anastasia228 (Apr 7, 2013)

I dropped out at 18 years old.
So I wasted 4 years at home instead of going to college.
great....


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## Keyblade (Apr 21, 2013)

If i could, i would redo whole my life since age 12 till now (21).

I denied 2 girls that wanted to be my girlfriend. Actually, 1 of them texted she liked me and i didn't even text back ever because it was the end of the year and i went to other school so i'd never see her again.

*Wish i said yes so i'd atleast would learn how to kiss and have first girlfriend experience*

After this, i was never asked again (although from this point i only had classes with guys only). I also denied all invites to party's of my friends. (i didn't get too many ,but atleast 3-4) 
*Wish i accepted all these invites *

Then came the gaming addiction and since then i was someone that would come home => eat => computer / console => sleep and this every day. I also failed 2 years so i finished high school at age 20.

At this point, i felt i wanted to change my life.

I hate being rejected so i did a facebook check on the girl i never texted back and asked her on a date and she said yes, so we went but it went so horrible, awkward silences everywhere and nothing to talk about.

So here, i end up with no girlfriend, never even kissed and friendless. I also don't have a job.

*Man, i'd give my life to do it all over again .. :'(*


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Well. I feel like a missed an important part at least. I really crave a real romantic relationship. It's not about sex. I want/need a companion, a soul mate. I think I'm romantic of heart. And it bleeds for not ever being loved (back). Granted in my teen years I was mostly considered about not having sex. But now I do not even care about it. Sex is just the toy in the happy meal.


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## Wowcoolxd (Apr 22, 2013)

Yes, I think that I've wasted all my teenage worrying on silly and irrelevant issues. But whatever, what's done is done. My past has helped me to work for a better future and I'm now very much capable enough to make the rest of my life, the best of my life.


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## michijo (Nov 12, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> Dude, if it's that bad then move to the Philippines or Caribbean. You will have plenty of girlfriends there. Certainly better than wasting away like you're describing.


This strikes me as a good idea. I'm glad I got that TEFL certificate online and have been practicing teaching English with refugees where I live. Its tough with SA to teach English, but I have pulled it off. Some other land seems like the ultimate goal. Ive thought of China or elsewhere in Asia.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, I've spent quite a few years doing nothing and being miserable. When I was 12-17, I stopped going to school and only left the house for the library and supermarket. Internet did not even exist then, so I had to rely on books to not go insane. Spent years in crappy relationships, where I was scheming about how and when to break up. Had long periods of unemployment where I couldn't go out hardly at all due to lack of funds. Stayed in cities/countries way too long because I was afraid of being able to support myself somewhere else (my dad is crap and can't be relied on). Lived in miserable roommate situations. And now I have been going to school full-time for 3 years and haven't had sex in over 2 years and haven't been in a relationship for over 5 years. I never explore the city or anything. I just go to school, supermarket, and home basically and that's about it.

But more than money and the other stuff that I have mentioned, the biggest problem in my life has been lack of friends. I have spent many days/nights at home doing nothing even though I felt like going places and had the money and time to do so because I had no one to go out with. I've had this problem my whole life. I'm just crap at making friends.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I used to, but not anymore. Looking at regrets and wasted time causes me to get depressed. Now I am future oriented. I usually ask myself what can I do today to grow and aim for the future I want? 

Recently I was watching Love it or List it--a show on HGTV where a family has renovations done to their existing house, at the same time they are shown 3 new houses to move to, and at the end of the hour they decide where they want to live. I live in a nice apt but man, I should have had a house by now--and on that show I can't believe how nice they are, I'd be happy with any of them! Sucks to not have $$$, but if my future pans out, I will have the money, even tho later in life. So I still have hope.


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## jussME (Apr 23, 2013)

Yes I to feel the same way,what is it about the dirty 30 yrs ,I'm 34 as well and living back at home and not seeing much light in near future...but can't say that never had fun ,opposite actually to much fun ,had plenty of girlfriends and some good times but I have a haunting past ,from childhood that has fuled my life and now that I'm saying all this I'm realizing how far off coarse I've been and took things to end up where I am now and really just can't seem to get back to who I once was ,lost and just afraid to do what I need to do ,and don't know why I can't ,knowing what I need to do .....really been struggling lately ........coming from the ghost of a once normal ,straight A,most friendly voted who scued off coarse ,please point the way back to the dalorian Dr brown......hope for a better day for all....


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