# Why does it seem like 2 shy ppl can't ever get together?



## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Cause they would never have anything to talk about and neither would make the first move.

PS You may have luck finding a shy guy at GameStop or Okcupid (dating site).


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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Aside from making the first move, shy people don't cross paths as often because we're always avoiding social activities and places people typically meet.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Well I love shy girls and I'm shy, and the not having anything to talk about excuse is bogus. I think there are plenty of shy people getting together, they just don't tell anyone.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I think they can but it takes a verrrrrrrrry long time. I haven't really dated anyone super-shy (on the outside, at least) but I think it would be so nice because then maybe we would sort of understand each other.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

Its not true that shy people don't get together i just met a shy girl well not exactly met but talked on the phone. Once we got over the initial awkwardness we had plenty to talk about we have a lot in common its more about that then us both being shy.Shyness is just a character trait its more important to have similar interests. I actually prefer shyer women i don't really dig outgoing women so that's not always true either. OP i hope you find your shy guy best of luck!


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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

foodie said:


> lol keith i know 2 shy ppl can get together but it seem nearly impossible...like you said u met this girl online...well to me thats not coming across them in person to meet them before you try to initiate things between each other...


Yeah i think your right meeting a shy person just randomly in person or at a job or something is nearly impossible its never happened to me I'm not sure i know anyone that thats happened to either. Sucks that it seems to just be that way. All the relationships were i met the person in reality first were all non shy girls.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

Online gets mentioned a lot because many shy people have no problem talking online. They have plenty to say if someone is willing to carry on a convo with them. Just take this forum for example. It wouldn't seem like any of us are shy but you stick us all in a room together and it would be dead quiet for a while. 

The problem in person is someone has to make the first move. It is hard for shy people so if you are waiting for a shy person to make the first move you will likely be waiting a long time. So it will be up to you to come up with the courage to ask the shy guy out. If he is anyhthing like me he will stumble over himself because someone asked him out.

Good luck.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

joinmartin said:


> Shy people? Who are these "shy people" then? It's a behaviour or a habit. Not a person. If you go out looking for a shy person you'll only find someone acting or behaving in way you think of as being shy. That person may not be as you think they are and so you don't find those shy people you're looking for.
> 
> I use the toilet. That's an action. Does it make me a toilet person? No.


So what then, you are saying there is no such thing as a shy person?

If you murder somebody, thats an action. Does that make you a murderer? Yes.

And we are ALL toilet people! lol


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)




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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

foodie said:


> well at least for me...
> 
> and shy guys seem to always perfer the agreesive, take charge, outgoing girl, why?
> 
> I just wish i could find a shy guy *sigh*:sigh


See, a lot of people talk about 'shy' people as those who NEVER take any risks, etc. I see it a little differently now. I believe shy people are more naturally that way but still take chances, so I think a lot of shy people are aggressive in relationships and dating. A lot of it has to do with feeling a bit intimidated but going through with it anyway. I feel it a lot but I still go through with it and it gets easier and funner the more you do it.

I consider myself shy about certain things but I also consider myself able to achieve most things whether I feel shy or not because I understand shyness is usually something that needs to be learned from and developed. Typical shyness is normal and is overcome by experience and repetition. Shyness turns to comfort; to excitement; to fun.

Shy people are just as able, and in some cases, more capable than most people. It's all about recognizing your shy tendencies and going through with them anyway. Most people have these 'shy' tendencies but react differently than those with SA or extreme shyness.

I am shy at times, sure, but I'm also very confident that I can overcome most my shy tendencies, and I have.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Whoa, you're wrong about shy men preferring aggressive, outgoing women. I think most of us would prefer women who are not that outgoing and who aren't going to pressure us to do things we'd rather not do or make us feel bad for being introverted. Basically, we're just looking for someone who understands, and women who are also on the shy side are more likely to understand social problems.


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## thatoddquietgirl (May 3, 2010)

well it can work it just takes alot of effort on both parts... since both parties are shy, no one wants to initiate anything which leads to lots of awkward silences or just getting stuck in the friend zone. it's true that in most cases opposites attract... if you are indeed looking for a shy guy to date, you're going to have to start making the initiative because chances are the "shy guy" will not. i am very shy and my bf is also shy but we make it work because we both do our share and try very hard. so it is possible, just takes a lot more work... and going into it you need to realize that you can't be expecting him to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

thatoddquietgirl said:


> well it can work it just takes alot of effort on both parts... since both parties are shy, no one wants to initiate anything which leads to lots of awkward silences or just getting stuck in the friend zone. it's true that in most cases opposites attract... if you are indeed looking for a shy guy to date, you're going to have to start making the initiative because chances are the "shy guy" will not. i am very shy and my bf is also shy but we make it work because we both do our share and try very hard. so it is possible, just takes a lot more work... and going into it you need to realize that you can't be expecting him to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.


Isn't this just another instance of wanting something bad enough to try? Sometimes I don't even have that strong enough a desire to try-there is a distinction; however, when I do I am encouraged.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

well I for one dont hang out at gamestop or rely on dating sites. So i m not sure what to do really. I just keep going about my business really.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Well, I'm a closet shy-person. I beat shy people up in front of the church on Sundays, along with my gang of extroverts. I once tried to mate with a shy-person, but it backfired when it was discovered that he was just an actor on TV. I've been in the closet completely ever since.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

foodie said:


> well at least for me...
> 
> and shy guys seem to always perfer the agreesive, take charge, outgoing girl, why?
> 
> I just wish i could find a shy guy *sigh*:sigh


The obvious answer is they are both shy, so don't approach each other much. I'm terrified of cool, outgoing, party girls by the way. I'd much rather have someone on my level, calm, not so in your face, low energy vibe. So not true for me personally at least.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Instead of "shy", why don't we use the term "low key"? On dating sites, perhaps "low key" would come off better than "shy" in describing ourselves and the kind of person we're looking for.


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## Wehttam (Nov 6, 2009)

I think shy girls are the best , it's awesome after you brake the initial awkwardness cause then in a way you feel empowered around them when confronted with social situations you'll have someone to be awkward with you. Internet wouldn't be my first choice though, by experience I've learned not all are to trust in this promised land, plus in a way building a pre-real-life relationship with someone can backfire as the expectations in the mind of the other have been raised to more fantasy like standards than actually what we are. Hang out at a library haha, thats what I'll do when I'm interested...the outgoing ones use the quick fix of the internet for research, the reserved/serious ones tend to favor reading a whole book.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

I'm shy, and my ex is shy. It can happen.  I literally do not remember being introduced to him but we had mutual friends and met that way. I'm fairly certain it helped him that a friend of mine blatantly said, "She likes you." And took him on a walk and convinced him that I would say yes if he asked me out. I'd like to think we would have gotten together without her boosting his confidence but who knows!


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## mrfixit (Jun 25, 2009)

here goes nothing...

same reason two people that have high tempers can't. they cancel each other out. a shy person cannot bring the other shy person out of his/her shell. one of the two needs to take the initiative and make the other feel comfortable... which the two shy people can't do cus they are both shy. unless one of them is less shy than the other and takes initiative :|

pardon me while i ramble away...

in order for a healthy relationship to develop and work, the two have to be able to help each other out in their flaws and issues (nobody is perfect). by that i mean there has to be support in each other... like moral support, for example. if i had a girlfriend she should be able to help me with my issues and me with her issues and whats in the middle is love and friendship. 

if she cries, i need to be able to make her smile and not make her feel worse. if she has a problem at work, i need to be able to stand up for her and try to understand her. she needs to help me as well. it is a two way street. if i come home from work i expect to have a well cooked dinner and my clothes washed and ironed. 

what i posted above would be the perfect relationship. in that relationship guys would not cheat and females would not cheat (unless he/she is the cheating type). why would i go fishing somewhere else if where i fish i get plenty of fish and i'm happy fishing there? 

that's not always the case though because being in a relationship takes work, dedication, communication and understanding. 

a lazy person will never be in a healthy relationship no matter how many times he/she prays to buddha. not matter how much weed or beer is consumed. if that where the case, why be in a relationship in the first place? why expect to have a healthy garden if one is not going to attend it. the plants would just die... period. it takes more work in maintaining a healthy relationship then growing plants though, but in the long run it pays off. 

a person who is very clingy will not be able to be in a healthy relationship either for the simple fact that that will make the other person feel frustrated. that will also not allow the other person to express his/her love which is a big thing in a relationship as well. 

many people like to have pets because an animal is always there for the person even if the person is not putting any effort. some people think this is love, but is it not. the animal is just being submissive. the animal comes and plays with out the owner putting any energy in it. but humans are not animals. humans need to have a reason to be there not just to be fed. the well put energy is the reason that makes the relationship. that reason is why they are boyfriend and girlfriend. that reason is what separates friendship from relationship. 

that's not to say that there are not any relationships where one person treats the other like a pet. there are many, i would say the majority... in this type of relationship, the "owner" just wants the other person to be there for him/her = me, me, me, and always me. this type of relationship will have a bumpy road.

if one of the two persons in the relationship fail to realize how healthy relationships work, one is bound to get frustrated and angry even though the one is still in love with the other. it comes to a point that it is not worth it if the other person is not willing to put down their ego and work it out.

two shy people = cancel each other out.

over and out.


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## Dusky (Nov 5, 2009)

The only guys I've ever dated or had serious interest in were either shy or loners in some way. In the end, communication was always an issue, as well as escapism and possessive/obsessiveness. We'd basically be two sinking ships who couldn't do much to help the other.


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## No Surprises (Nov 1, 2009)

Two reasons:

a) Socially anxious individuals are more likely to rely on the opposite-gendered person to make the first move, so they're inherently biased towards being approached by extroverts.

b) Socially anxious people are less likely to sever romantic bonds, since they're terrified of the prospect of being alone and once again being burdened with the onus to get out and meet new people.

While these characteristics apply to anyone with social phobia, they have a much heavier impact on females, as they're much more likely to be pursued and somewhat less likely to be broken up with. This is why demographic data indicates that females with social anxiety are more likely to get married and have children at a young age, while males with social anxiety actually experience delays in these areas.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

because they're both too shy to make a move??????

my boyfriend is very outgoing and talks a lot... I mean it's funny. he wont shut up, and no one can make me talk. We're kind of a funny couple.

I think it works out best that way. we even each other out. He can help me out in situations. I feel so stupid though because I feel like he has to take care of me sometimes when I'm too terrified to be alone with someone, or go out, or whatever. ughh. whatever.


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## doggster (Jun 22, 2010)

The shy type's actually what i go for. Also I've found that most shy people have a very down to earth personality and have more complex thoughts like myself, which leads to more interesting conversation / connection. I wouldn't date an over confident mouthy idiot.


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## justagirl9 (Jun 13, 2010)

mrfixit said:


> here goes nothing...
> 
> same reason two people that have high tempers can't. they cancel each other out. a shy person cannot bring the other shy person out of his/her shell. one of the two needs to take the initiative and make the other feel comfortable... which the two shy people can't do cus they are both shy. unless one of them is less shy than the other and takes initiative :|
> 
> ...


I think this makes a lot of sense.

Personally I'm not so keen on me so I like the opposite. I would rather go out with a big dumb guy than a Woody Allen type.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Appearing shy is one of the main causes of my social anxiety. I don't want to appear shy, so I act the opposite, but I really suck at acting.
As for 2 shy people getting together, without meeting online, it's tough. It'd probably have to be an eye-contact, love-at-first-site thing, I guess.


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## lastresort (Jun 16, 2010)

I'm shy, obviously. My ex of 6 years was extremely outgoing and extroverted. In fact, all the girls i've ever hooked up with have been consistently extroverted. (By 'all,' i mean all 3 of them ><)

They all approached me first... so there's your answer. I'm way too shy to approach a girl i find attractive. Tbh, i wasn't even all that attracted to my 6 yr ex when we first met. But she seduced me, and it was awesome  until she left me for someone else  

Yeah, it was only a few months ago and i'm still bitter, so sue me. Ok i lied, it was a year ago and i'm still bitter. I hate myself.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I think the answer is much simpler. The number of moderate to extremely shy people is tiny in comparison to everyone else. There is simply less of us around and therefore it is less likely we will ever meet.

People often meet people through mutual friends -- shy people tend to have less friends so this lowers the chances even more. I would love it if a friend introduced me to a shy girl, but the odds of them knowing another shy single person is low.

We are just rare.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I think for a relationship to do well it takes balance. In my last two relationships, one of us took the extroverted role. You need someone to take the lead in certain things, be the bolder of the pair so that they can enjoy themselves as a couple and take the risks they wouldn't otherwise. It's like having a relationship in which two people are indecisive...it stalls.


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## IAmOne (Jul 4, 2010)

I want a shy girl. And it sucks to think how many perfect matches have never happened because neither of us were willing to make the first move.

Aggressive, really extroverted women expect too much out of me and it just doesn't work.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

I don't even know if i'm considered shy or not. Give me something complicated to talk about, and i'm off in a speed of talking.

But, I avoid social situations. So i'm talkative, very talkative, but avoids social situations.

Hmmmm mmmm hmmmmm


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

/\yes indeed.

I ..wish but... when I do make the effort to go to parties, I do not meet the shy women there. When I go to social events I meet women who are loud and boisterous, and who expect me to behave as such. I suspect it is the nature of the Caribbean culture.

It is like, one has to be completely boisterous and confident (or even arrogant) about one's sexual-ness. Have you ever listened to Jamaican dancehall ? Why if I posted any here, I would be triple banned for adult content.

The women who are more low key .... I don't see'em.


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## Old School Spike (Jun 30, 2010)

lastresort said:


> They all approached me first... so there's your answer. I'm way too shy to approach a girl i find attractive. Tbh, i wasn't even all that attracted to my 6 yr ex when we first met. But she seduced me, and it was awesome  until she left me for someone else


You're me! (Except I only managed 4 years) Yep, nothing like an outgoing girl to drag you out of yourself. You would think a shy person would understand another shy person better and make it easier, but it's NEVER been that way for me - always waited for someone just to basically ask me out...and now am waiting again. :time


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## gold132 (Mar 27, 2009)

Because relationships need a leader and if both were really shy they'd probably never do anything.. also subconsciously they'd probably be afraid that there kids would be the same if they ever had them.. my theory anyway


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

VIncymon said:


> The women who are more low key .... I don't see'em.


That's because they're all hiding hehe. Introvert women don't goto parties that much unless their friends begrudgingly drag them there.


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## Eia Au (Jul 13, 2010)

I have thought to myself - why haven't I ever met anyone like me before? But then I remember that I stay in doors most of the time. The probability of two people who never leave their houses meeting each other is very low.


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## actionman (Jun 4, 2010)

I'll only ever have a chance with shy, awkward, sweet girls. Ideally a girl who knows what inner pain and suffering is..and can show understanding and patience through love and affection.

I cant relate to 'normal outgoing' girls because im far to awkward within myself. I'll always have problems to a degree..it's about finding somebody who is willing to love me beyond my problems..and vice verser.

It's nice knowing that there are actually girls out there who are interested in the shy guy. It will take me months to open up around somebody..so if there are girls out there who understand this..then it gives me hope. 

Even saying this though..i have to lose some of this awkwardness and gain some self worth..as i cant see anyway on earth i could be in a relationship at this time..the stress i suffer is just to much, which is a big shame..because i struggle badly with loneliness and lack of intimacy.


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## velvet1 (Aug 11, 2010)

One thing I noticed about shy guys, they have no trouble talking to the outgoing gal but when you try to talk to them its just one word answer or a short answer. Its been my experience with shy guys, it doesn't work for me.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Both of them are afraid to talk to each other.


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## jennlynne5 (Aug 6, 2010)

My husband is actually very shy and introverted. I have SA and am obviously very introverted. We would NEVER have gotten together if we didn't meet online first.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I think it would be easier to date someone who is shy like me, at least they would understand how you feel because they are going through the same thing.


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## Bullet Soul (May 7, 2010)

Personally I wouldn't like to date someone who has social anxiety like me or who is shy. I feel like if I did then we would just spend all of our time at home doing nothing. I think that in a relationship I would need someone who encourages me to go out and do things and not be so shy. I hate being shy, and if I was in a relationship with someone who was also shy I feel like I wouldn't be doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is trying to be more social and less of an awkward person. I'd most like someone who can show me how to be instead of me becoming content with the way I am, because I really and honestly don't like the way that I am.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

velvet1 said:


> One thing I noticed about shy guys, they have no trouble talking to the outgoing gal but when you try to talk to them its just one word answer or a short answer. Its been my experience with shy guys, it doesn't work for me.


Communication issues and fear of rejection are the obvious ones. If you don't know how or don't try to get to know someone in a 'normal' way, then you aren't going to get very far.

If you are afraid to put yourself out there and say you like someone first, they may not share their feelings with you. And if you want to have one specific person like you, then you might only answer in short one word sentences in order to avoid saying something wrong, but it usually doesn't work as intended.


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

The one girl I dated was also very shy. I found it difficult to always be making the first move and initiate things. The worst part was that it was that I was always confused -- I felt like she was just tolerating my presence a lot of the time, just because she rarely initiated anything.


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## xFatalAmbience (Sep 1, 2010)

I think having an outgoing partner is great for a person with SA. I've had a few relationships with some really outgoing guys and it makes me feel more at ease, they can take care of social situations and make things less awkward around people. Having a social/nonsocial person kind of balances things out. And honestly, dating sites are not so bad, just takes a while to find someone you can really open up to, and who accepts your flaws, that's how i found my current love, on okcupid and we both couldn't be happier. Gotta put yourself out there.


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## bazinga (Jun 9, 2010)

foodie said:


> well at least for me...
> 
> and shy guys seem to always perfer the agreesive, take charge, outgoing girl, why?
> 
> I just wish i could find a shy guy *sigh*:sigh


I'm shy guy. I don't really have preferences. I just wish I could meet someone I can connect with. It's damn hard at this age.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

foodie said:


> and shy guys seem to always prefer the agreesive, take charge, outgoing girl, why?


Well, almost any girl would appear outgoing when compared to me.

I'd like to find someone marginally more social than me, though not too social. It would be nice to have someone to provide some hints and direction on social stuff. If a girl looks to me and says "what should we do tonight?" it's not as if I'm going to have some social activity to suggest. Watch TV is my likely answer.

Though I obviously will not appeal to anyone who truly social (i.e. "normal"). I'd be a reluctant anchor that they'd have to drag to go anywhere. Instead of a BF such a woman would view me as an albatross about her neck.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

bazinga said:


> I'm shy guy. I don't really have preferences. I just wish I could meet someone I can connect with. *It's damn hard at this age*.


At what age is it not? I've tried age birth thru 37 thus far; all have been damn hard.


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