# Need to stop picking, my diary



## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

Hello all,

I hope this is the right the place to post this. I've been living with an addiction for most of my life. I can't stop picking spots all over my body. I will pick until I bleed and then move onto the next area.

I constantly feel around my body for bumps and then pick and squeeze them. Sometimes I like smelling the pus that comes out of them.

I've got to the point that where I'm completely disgusted by what I do. I look at fingernails and i can see the dried blood under them. When people comment on the spots or scars I always have a heap of excuses to explain them away. I hate lying and hiding this. 

I have dealt with a addiction before, I am a compulsive gambler which I do think is seperate to this addiction as it came along in while I was picking. I have been able to succesfully give gambling up and I am free of this for over two years. The one thing I learnt along the way was talking to people about what was bothering me or how I felt as I took each day one at a time. 

I'd like to try and do the same with picking, and am setting myself a goal to post on this thread each day with

- my progress each day on my journey to try and break the habit of picking. 
- I promise to be honest if I relapse
- I promise to focus on stopping and not the why I do it

I'm going to stop picking tonight and I wont pick again ever again. I'm going to list out all the places I have to be careful of. If I comes across any more I will add them in

1. Bathroom/Shower - i used to spend 15mins or more picking before i got in the shower. Knowing that the shower would bring down the swelling or cause any of the open wounds to scab over.
2. In front of any mirror - i dont look at me I look at my spots
3. In bed - at night time or in the morning I "rove" looks for that bump, picking area or spot

If anyone has been through or suffers from this it would be great to hear your feedback.


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## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

Day One

I'm having to mentally shout at myself each time i reach my hand to my skin. A few times I've caught myself roving without even realising I was doing it. I'm feeling imaginary itchs around my normal picking sites and I know its just in my head.

Still trying to be positive


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

I used to have dermatilomania really bad...all over my body. I'd have to wear long sleeves and pants even on 40degree days, it was horrible. 

My motivation to stop came from a desire to be naked around my partner without feeling embarrassed. Also I began to focus on taking care of my skin and having a very defined routine for skin care, which I would do if I got the desire to pick. 

When you start seeing the improvement the motivation only gets better from there.

I also noticed that certain drugs such as codeine (in strong pain killers) and anti-histamines (taken for sleep) made it almost impossible to control the picking so I had to work on stopping them first.

I don't pick anymore! I never thought I would be able to say that, I thought I would have the condition for life.

I wish you the best of luck!, keep us posted =) <3


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## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

@Pandemic, thank you for the kind words and the encouragement! The only "drug" that really kicks me off picking is alcohol and getting a severe hangover. I'm pick city then!

I feel a little lost of the whole skin care piece, but I agree with you need to get a better routine in place to look after my skin

Day 2

Im stilling finding myself rubbing my skin around my pick sites, or checking them out in the mirror. I'm seem to have to almost talked myself into picking my nose instead as its less harmful and no-one will know. Im trying really hard to stay focused. Last night on the couch i had to sit on my hands to stop the roving. Back in work today and definitely harder because Im working away and I find somehow my hand is on my neck or I suddenly scratch somewhere where I know there is a spot. Its harder to mentally say stop but Im trying.


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## Slogger (Dec 14, 2010)

I've had trouble with that much of my life too, picking and squeezing at blemishes and shredding my cuticles. Keeping my fingernails rather long and neatly filed keeps me from attacking my cuticles. Instead of picking, I rub lotion into them. Seeing how nice they look helps keep me from starting the picking cycle.

I've had trouble with picking at my face when I've felt anxious, bored, or otherwise disengaged from life. Meditation helps a lot in relieving anxiety and helps keep me from withdrawing into repetitive, self-destructive behavior such as picking.

You mentioned you'll focus on stopping rather than on why you do it, but maybe you should do both. Like whenever you notice yourself roving, stop and think carefully about your state of mind and why your focus is shifting to a place to pick. Maybe there's some kind fear or something driving you inward.


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## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

@Slogger thanks for comments, I have tried in the past to think of my state of mind when I find myself picking, roving etc. But I can't really detect anything wrong, I feel the same as normally do. The only thing I can think of different is that I justify the picking as a reward for doing something but I can never remember what the something was that I supposedly did.

Yesterday had a very bad day, I picked at a load of spots. I remember being in the bathroom and saying to myself I will just look at how my skin is healing the last few days. I shouldn't have done this, my mind ear marked all the blemisheds, and spots all over my body and when my mind was focused on the day to day stuff the picking started. 

My new rule now is not gonna look at myself in the mirror unless I really really have to.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

Wash your face twice a day, use exfoliate once or twice every 2nd day. Have a shower everyday. Focus your attention on accentuating the beautiful skin you have. It will heal and the scares will fade. 
When you feel like picking do something productive like cleaning or anything you can think of that will keep you pre-occupied.

It sounds like you're doing really well, keep up the good work!


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## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

@Pandemic, I bought facial wash today ands its for those moments where I want to pick. I really hope it distracts me. I am worried though about looking at myself in the mirror. Its almost like I see the spot or whatever it is and it sticks in my mind until i do something about it. Thank you for the words they mean alot to me!

i missed a day post and feel a bit bad about it, ive ben trying my best but its like my whole body is fighting against my mind. My mind is trying to justify the picking in everyway, shape and form. 

Some of my pick sites have scabbed over(yuck) but I have that feeling like when you were a kid and u scraped your knee. All those scabs are itching like crazy and have been trying to not go near them. I did pick one scab off this evening, and felt very bad after doing it. I did feel a joyous moment while in the act but once it was removed I felt disgusted like I was cheating on everyone who read my diary.

I got some news from work and have to travel in the week coming. One of the things I have to do is public speaking. Its one the things I can do, but just thinking about it makes my hands start to move in the direction of body. I've spoken infront people before, I do feel a bit anxious and nervous about doing it but its almost like my mind is telling me "its okay to pick your under stress and you should let that stress go"

I did get some great news tonight, my friend got engaged and I asked me to be his best man. This is really nice and I really feel my confidence and self worth has been boosted. It has re-focssued my efforts to kick my nasty habit.

Good night all


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## stopicking (Jan 15, 2012)

Hi all,

Did great for most of Sunday was really good mentally saying stop, but had a small pick while on the couch watching tv. The missus spotted me and helped by shouting stop picking. Im going to try to be more aware now when im watching tv so I dont do this again.

Monday is going fine so far, really trying to be focused on watching my hands. As soon a they disappear from view I stop what Im doing to figure it out. Sounds a bit silling I can't even control my hands 

Mightn't be able to post tomorrow going to be in air on the way to the US, but will if I can. One question I do have for you all, is that I dont really take any medication but when I travel I take Kalms. They help with the jet lag but just wondering is there anything else out there that is over the counter that would help? I dont seem to have any side effects from Kalms as long as I dont wash them down with any kind of alcohol.


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

stopicking said:


> @Pandemic, I bought facial wash today ands its for those moments where I want to pick. I really hope it distracts me. I am worried though about looking at myself in the mirror. Its almost like I see the spot or whatever it is and it sticks in my mind until i do something about it. Thank you for the words they mean alot to me!
> 
> i missed a day post and feel a bit bad about it, ive ben trying my best but its like my whole body is fighting against my mind. My mind is trying to justify the picking in everyway, shape and form.
> 
> ...


You're doing really well, the speed of progress is different with everyone but you seem to be doing very successfully. <3

If you happen to see a spot in the mirror use antiseptic on a cotton bud (any kind of antiseptic will do). The only time a pimple should be popped is if you apply gentle pressure and something comes out. Other than that popping a pimple will always make things worse because it spreads the bacteria and gets rid of the natural healing 'liquids' within the pimple.

Scabs are great! They are filled with the ingredients that enable a wound to heal (sorry if any of this sounds yucky =P).
It's very difficult to abstain completely but if you pick once reflect and make a promise to yourself that that will be the only one today.

With the speech, you will kick ***! And you want to be at your very best, including physically so be extra cautious if you start to get anxious or have an opportunity to pick.

Congratulations on being picked as the best man,that's heaps cool, he must have a lot of respect for you.

:squeezeAll the best


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Good luck!


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## Pandemic (Jan 6, 2012)

How did the speech go?


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## Wesses (Jan 18, 2012)

thanks for sharing! you are fighting the good fight. good one brother


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## 1979 (Mar 14, 2013)

hi iv been picking my face and body for twenty years now got to stop it too for my kids sake and my own. trying to give up drink cause it does stop u doing it ay! it has ruined my life and taken over me for too long now!


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## llodell88 (May 15, 2011)

Have you tried supplements? Inositol and NAC are supposed to help w/ skin picking. I think SSRIs help too.


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## cozynights (Mar 19, 2013)

I have the exact same problem... I have scars all over my legs and a few on my face. I've been self-harming that way for years and everytime I find something in my body that I can pick or squeeze I feel relieved. My mom keeps telling me that my legs look ugly because of the scars but I feel like there's no point in stopping because they already look so bad, ewk. Hopefully you've made an improvement. I'm gonna try new methods now =)


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