# The Transformation Thread



## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

As of 9:00pm October 13,2009 (My area's time), you people will witness how I am going to change my self by taking one step at a time. I know this is a lengthy post but im sure some of you can relate to some of the things that I have written here and you are very much free to add up comments, suggestions, and criticisms. I hope this thread will also help other people who are experiencing the same problems that I am experiencing right now and will be motivated to change for the better.

I am going to state my present condition and then state the possible solution to each problem:

*Emotional*

*1*. I think of negative thoughts about 90% of the time by the time I wake up and to the time I fall asleep which consists of reminding myself in the head of how much of a loser I am because I have no friends and no social life. By the moment I wake up I tell myself "Why am I still alive?, Today is going to be a sh$$y day". I always perceive negativity out of other people. For instance when I have just met a a person, immediately what comes into my mind is "AH this person can already see through me and he/she thinks im a loser since I don't have friends, I don't talk much, have not gone into a party... etc.". Often times I don't really give a poo about what other people are thinking or what is going on in other people's lives.

Solution: I will always think positive and remind myself that everything will be alright. I will thank God for giving me another day to live and giving me more time for self-improvement. I will see the positive things in other people and train myself to think that they will always have a good side. I will be nice to other people without being a pushover and losing my assertiveness. I will make myself more interested in other people so that I could learn from them.

*2*. I don't greet other people properly when they greet me. Sometimes I only greet with non-verbal gestures and I rarely smile when greeting people.

Solution: I will take the effort in greeting people because I know how bad it feels to greet others but then they don't greet you back.

*3*. I don't make eye contact to people who whenever we are talking

Solution: I will practice making eye contact while talking to other people especially to westerners wherein making eye contact is sign of respect based on what I've heard.

*4*. I frown a lot and I rarely smile, its hard for me to smile for no reason. Even if I feel happy I still stop myself from smiling because for some weird reason I think that I have no right to be happy because i have no friends and I am a loser.

Solution:
I will make an effort to at least put on a neutral face even if it is hard for me to smile so that I would appear more approachable to other people.

*5*. I am very reluctant in saying things to other people even if I really want to tell them something because I fear that I just might get ignored or I will feel stupid for the things I have just said. I overanalyse the things which I am about to say whether they are correct or appropriate.

Solution: From now on, I will just say things for the heck of saying it even if I know it would sound lame/stupid but I will also make a point that what I am about to say would make sense and would be helpful/constructive in the conversation.

*(PROBLEM SOLVED- January 1, 2010 :boogie) 
6.* I have a very bad habit of surfing/viewing pornographic materials for at least 3 hours a day

Solution: I have found out that it is nearly impossible for me to completely abstain from self-pleasure(Mbation). Therefore, I will set realistic goals instead such as limiting it to about 5-30 minutes per day instead of the usual 3-5 hours.

*7*. Another bad habit would be procrastination wherein I would delay working on homework or studying just because there is so much time ahead

Solution: Just DO IT! Even if I take small steps in doing it, I will get rid of the "Play now, study later" attitude and implement the "Study/do homework now so that I will have more time to play later" attitude.

*8*. I've been playing a specific computer game for the past 4 years almost everyday for leisure and I really want to stop playing it since it is dumbing me down and I don't even enjoy playing it anymore.

Solution: Yes, I think this is the most pathetic thing of all and I am embarrassed of this. I need to stop playing the same game over and over again day after day and start doing other things for leisure which are more productive such as watching a good movie where I could learn some things about "real life". Movies can also add up to my "conversation topics" bank. Another solution though less effective would be to make myself interested in playing other genres or forms of video games although this doesn't improve my social skills.

*9*. I am either afraid/too lazy/unmotivated to try new things especially the ones that would improve my personality and make myself more interesting.

Solution: I am sick and tired of being labeled as the "Guy who sits on his computer all day doing the same thing over and over again for so many years" and the "Guy who knows only one thing:computer,internet,video games and nothing else". No wonder I could not relate to other people since I am only interested in one kind of subject/hobby. I really want to try new things and develop new hobbies such as playing musical intruments especially the guitar, drawing, martial arts, etc. but what hinders me from doing this is being too self-conscious and being stuck to the aforementioned label of being the "Guy who knows only onething:computer,internet, video games, and nothing else". Its so hard for me to get rid of the label since I feel so embarassed just by thinking how other people would react to my sudden change of hobbies. People would be like:"Huh!? Setolac? You are into music now? But I thought you are that guy...." or "What!? Setolac? Finally doing other things other than using the computer for the first time in his life!? Im shocked! Hahahaha!"









*10*. I don't make an effort in making friends in class or school because of my insecurities and my depression

Solution(null): I am labeled as a loner in class. I think that most of my classmated think im too much of a loser to have friends because im boring. Its so hard to break out of the label by starting to make friends since I fear that people will find out how uninteresting I am and how boring my hobbies are. They have also labeled me as the "shy,quiet ,introverted type guy" and all of them are extroverted people therefore I don't see the point of them wasting time on a boring introvert who rarely talks. On top of that, my depression and constant feeling of hopelessnes keeps me from being motivated to make friends in class since I always feel that there is no hope. Well I can't find a solution for this problem, maybe you guys can help out..

*12*. I am uninterested in a lot of stuff and I am only interested in one kind of thing (computers)

Solution(null): This has been a problem for me ever since I was young. My parents have noticed that I would do nothing more in life but to spend my time on the computer playing video games of surfing the net and other sorts of boring things. I wasn't very interested in sports or any other thing at all besides computers and other nerdy stuff which I think im the only who is into. Because of this I have a hard time relating to other people especially the one's who are into a lot of stuff that I am not into.

*Physical*

*1*. I often times sleep late or eat late due to procrastination, sometimes I only get 3-4 hours of sleep a day solely due to procastination.

Solution: I really need to discipline myself to finish tasks as soon as possible in order to avoid sacrificing sleeping time.

*2*. I don't give my 100% in the workout program that I am in.

Solution: I have a workout program which I really worked hard in creating. I spent so many hours researching about the perfect workout program that fits my body type and the best type of exercised which I must do. The problem is I only half-heartedly follow my workout program and I feel like I am not totally benefiting from it. Sometimes Im too lazy to give my 100% in executing that exercises which is mostly caused by depression and lack of motivation. Well at this point, im giving it one more shot to make sure that I give my all during the duration of my workout to yield better results.

*3*. I have been eating junk foods lately and I know this isn't helping me in my workout program. Im just too d*mn lazy to prepare a descent snack or meal thus I resort to eating "instant food" which are high in fat, sodium, and other unhealthful stuff.

Solution: I am going to lern how to cook and prepare healthy food especially high protein and low fat food. Keep myself motivated since this will really help me with my workout program and help me have a good body image.

Once again you are free to share you comments, suggestions and criticisms. Thank you for reading!


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## eraseme (Feb 26, 2009)

Overall your list is comprehensive, and it's also on the positive side. I think this is a good list of ideas for improvement; however I have a question and some comments.

1) Is each number a step? I'm wondering because you claimed you would accomplish these things step by step, and they do seem to be quite a bit of work. Trying to work on all of these habits at once will lead to burn out, but working on one thing at a time or maybe two - three at a time would be doable and less discouraging when you meet resistance. 

2) I don't like the word 'should' - it's really a perfectionist word, a word that implies you need to be a certain way at all times, which no one can possibly do. For example: It's a great idea to develop the habit of thinking positive, and if done over time it will probably have a profound effect on SA, but I don't believe there is a single person in this world that never has a negative thought. 

Sometimes you're not going to follow your plan as well as you wanted. Praise yourself for your successes and forgive yourself when you fall short. 

3) If a person reacts to your changing with teasing/comments/etc., it doesn't matter. It's just their opinion, it's not the truth. You can't live your life trying to maintain a sense of comfort in other peoples' realities while having a miserable time yourself, and you can't live your life keeping a sense of comfort in your own life at the expense of real happiness and living. People are always going to have an opinion about something, and their opinions really reflect their own selves more than they reflect anything about you. 

Good luck with this list. I truly hope you succeed.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Thank you for your comment and suggestion BreakfastofChampions, I edited my original post to replace all the "shoulds" with "wills"

I also encourage some of you to post some of the things you want to change in your self and set realistic goals and solutions. This is a good thing since we can learn from each other.


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## rcapo89 (Jun 3, 2009)

Setolac said:


> Thank you for your comment and suggestion BreakfastofChampions, I edited my original post to replace all the "shoulds" with "wills"
> 
> I also encourage some of you to post some of the things you want to change in your self and set realistic goals and solutions. This is a good thing since we can learn from each other.


I have three goals for the upcoming year.

*1.* I plan on applying for a part time job, preferably a bookstore like Barnes & Noble. Also I will try to resist the urge to ignore the inevitable phone call from the employer's asking for an interview. :lol

*2.* I plan on joining a group/club in college to meet people my own age who share similar goals/interests and possibly develop friendships.

*3.* And finally I plan on developing a workout program for myself. I am in desperate need to beef up. I hope to discipline myself to wake up early and run mile every day.

Wish me luck!


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

WTH? Is it me or did someone edit my first post in this thread? I swear when I reread my post again, it feels as if someone(moderators/admin?) edited my thread. 

@rcapo i will, reply to you later


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

On January 1, 2010, I have successfully solved problem #6 which is:

*"6*. I have a very bad habit of surfing/viewing pornographic materials for at least 3 hours a day"

I knew that this is the problem that I should prioritize and now I have solved it. How I did it? Well I transfered all the porn I had in my laptop to the computer in the living room in this way it is impossible for me to view them since people are always present in the living room. I know that it could have been best if I deleted all of the porn that I have for good but I just couldn't do it. Deleting about 50gb of all of the particularly hand-picked porn that I have collecting in the past 3-4 years is a very very hard thing to do, I just couldn't click the delete button and so I had to use this alternative.

Before January 1, I used to view porn for at least 3 hours per day EVERYDAY but on this day it was the first time that I totally avoided viewing pornographic materials on one whole day. Ofcourse there are times that I have this strong urge to m*bate with the aid of porn but I stopped it with my own will and self-discipline. I know it is impossible to stop m*bation so I used the technique called "finish your m*bation in not more than 5 minutes" technique in which you m*bate without the aid of porn in a very small amount of time if you guys know that I mean (I don't want to get too detailed on this to avoid infraction) . This technique is useful since after doing the said act, it will take a long period of time before you get the urge to do it again.

On the day of January 2,2010, I have noticed some changes in me. After 1 whole day without porn while using the technique, my sex drive has significantly decreased. The number of these "urges" have decreased and it seems as if porn now looks boring and repetitive taking to the fact that I have viewed porn everyday for the last 3-4 years. I strongly believe that I will able to avoid viewing porn in rest of the days to come. Because of this, I can say that I have now solved problem #6 and I am proud and happy about it.

Having to have been solved problem #6 will greatly increase the chance that I will be able to solve some aspects of problem #7 which is:

*"7*. Another bad habit would be procrastination wherein I would delay working on homework or studying"

because at this point wherein I have freed up 3-5 hours per day in my free time which is previously spent in surving/viewing porno, I now have more time to finish my homework and focus on studying since before I solved problem #6, time spent for homework and studying had been spent with viewing porno instead.

I am now taking one step at a time in improving myself although it took a long time for me to implement the possible solutions that I have proposed to myself. One problem down and 14 left with some problems partially solved. It is a long road to go but I will eventually reach my goal.

P.S
I also would like to thank rcapo89 for indirectly reminding me to check this thread again through the private message that he sent to me. Thanks man!


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## rcapo89 (Jun 3, 2009)

Setolac said:


> P.S
> I also would like to thank rcapo89 for indirectly reminding me to check this thread again through the private message that he sent to me. Thanks man!


Congratulations!!! :yay 
Glad I could help. 
Since I stopped looking at porn involuntarily(thanks Dad :roll), I no longer have the intense urge to m*bate.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Yeah it really feels weird man, my sex drive has dropped tremendously. In fact I haven't experienced the "morning wood" for the last two days now. I feel like a freed man released by this bondage. 

So how did your 3 goals work? Have you already made structured plans for it?


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## rcapo89 (Jun 3, 2009)

Setolac said:


> So how did your 3 goals work? Have you already made structured plans for it?





rcapo89 said:


> I have three goals for the upcoming year.
> 
> 1. I plan on applying for a part time job, preferably a bookstore like Barnes & Noble.
> 
> *UPDATE: Well I have just applied at Barnes & Noble and Borders. I'm still waiting for the inevitable phone call. :time*





rcapo89 said:


> 2. I plan on joining a group/club in college to meet people my own age who share similar goals/interests and possibly develop friendships.
> 
> *UPDATE: Incomplete since I haven't started college yet. *


*
*


rcapo89 said:


> 3. And finally I plan on developing a workout program for myself. I am in desperate need to beef up. I hope to discipline myself to wake up early and run mile every day.
> 
> *UPDATE: My Dad has recently bought P90X workout DVD'S. Also my Dad has a bow flex in the basement that's collecting dust lol.
> However I've been running one mile every other day. *


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