# BUT....I'm in love with him!!!!!!!



## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

****!

People keep saying, "don't waste your time, you're gonna get hurt in the end. He'll always be bad, he'll never change, he'll just keep cheating on you."
BUT I am in love with HIM!!!!!! ****!!!!!!!!


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

So the lesson here is... treat a woman like dirt, cheat on her, lie to her, eventually prolly beat her and she will love you. Treat her well and with respect and she will leave you, and run off to someone who does the former.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Kathykook said:


> ****!
> 
> People keep saying, "don't waste your time, you're gonna get hurt in the end. He'll always be bad, he'll never change, he'll just keep cheating on you."
> BUT I am in love with HIM!!!!!! ****!!!!!!!!


i cant tell if ur mocking those types of girls, or if u are one of those types of girls?


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

sounds like more of an obsession than "love"


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

meeps said:


> sounds like more of an obsession than "love"


+1


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## brettfavre4life (Apr 20, 2012)

I do divorces all day long at work and 90% of them have "I really thought he/she had changed..." quoted somewhere in their file from their initial conference with our office. Another common one is "My friends/family don't know him like I know him!"

Nobody changes. 

As the great poet Jay-Z once said: "You can try to change but that's just the top layer. Man, you was who you was before you got here."


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## Things Unsaid (Nov 26, 2012)

Kathykook said:


> BUT I am in love with HIM!!!!!! ****!!!!!!!!


So ****ing what? You've got a functioning brain and free will.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

Why would you love someone who clearly doesn't love you? 

Maybe meeps is right that this is more obsession, or addiction actually. Like that of trauma bonds/stockholm syndrome type thing. Or you just don't want to face the hard reality that he'll probably never treat you right. It's hard to accept that I understand but yeah I think maybe you know intuitively what to do but you refuse to.


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## JakeBoston1000 (Apr 8, 2008)

this is why guys feel the need to be douches to get women to love them.It's just soooo koooky!:yes It does sound like obsession though and not love.


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## Lelsey (Feb 7, 2011)

Seems like he has not sufficiently hurt you enough for you to leave, so how about just continue doing what you are doing? but make sure to prepare your safety net first,i.e. ask your friends and family to be there for you when he cheats on you again. 

Not to say people never change but you can't hope for dramatic change unless something major happens (*touch wood*, by major i means accident, death, etc and not some thing minor as fights and break ups/make ups with girlfriends). He wont just wakes up 1 day and decides to stay faithful with you forever.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

Lelsey said:


> Seems like he has not sufficiently hurt you enough for you to leave


lol


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## munir (Jun 1, 2012)

Noca said:


> So the lesson here is... treat a woman like dirt, cheat on her, lie to her, eventually prolly beat her and she will love you. Treat her well and with respect and she will leave you, and run off to someone who does the former.


 :agree


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

There may have been love there, once, but that's clearly not how it is anymore. I was stuck in a bad relationship before, I understand the desire to cling onto it--not that it's ok--it's very damaging. It's like weaning yourself off a bad drug, you have to realize this is a problem, it's not love, and you need to let it go. Separate yourself from this person the best you can. In the end, it has to be you who makes the decision. I hope you come to an awakening soon. Love isn't when you're being mistreated or dragged through the dirt to make someone else happy.


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## kj87 (Sep 30, 2012)

Kathykook said:


> ****!
> 
> People keep saying, "don't waste your time, you're gonna get hurt in the end. He'll always be bad, he'll never change, he'll just keep cheating on you."
> BUT I am in love with HIM!!!!!! ****!!!!!!!!


you are not in love with him. You are self conscious, and you're scared of being alone. There is a huge difference. real love means you never have to worry. it means you know he'll be faithful because you both love each other.

You're self conscious, and you're scared you cant do better than him.

Don't lie to yourself, or the people that have been following your threads. You know this is the truth.

You CAN do better, and you DESERVE better. You know you deserve better, because you're a very sweet young lady with a lot of love to give. You deserve to have that love returned to you unconditionally, and you CAN have it returned to you, but you HAVE to get rid of this guy. This guy who is poison for your soul. You know deep down in your heart that this doesn't feel right.

One day you will meet a man who is everything you could have ever wanted, but before that happens you have to get rid of this poison, and you have to rebuild your self esteem. Kathy. I KNOW you can do this  I know it's scary to think about being "alone" and "single" but these are the steps you have to take in order to put yourself in a position where you can build a lasting, loving relationship.

How are you going to build a loving relationship when you're chasing after guys who do not treat you right?

Trust me. You WILL BE OKAY 
YOU WILL BE HAPPY
and you WILL find a man that you're truly in love with and who loves you, but you and I both know you HAVE to get out of this mess you're in. You trusted me enough to give me your number a while back so I'm going to text you. 

You AREN'T alone, and you WILL be okay  I promise you. <3


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## pastels (Sep 18, 2012)

Well obviously you shouldn't be with him if he keeps hurting you but you love him i never understood this from people but i don't think anything anyone tells you is going to change your mind i hope it doesn't take much worse for u to realise because then you will feel worse then before .


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I sense daddy issues.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

* Cues theme song from 'The Young And The Restless' *


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## Skttrbrain (Jun 17, 2011)

Girls who like bad boys and guys who hurt them have low self esteem and it's the same with guys who chase hot girls who treat them like crap. I feel like it's seeking validation in the person who is least likely to give it to you.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

People change. Selfish people , however don't. Your boyfriend wont suddenly become a non selfish person and he wont start loving you. Its not like hes dealing with an addiction or mental illness. Its not difficult to not cheat. Its not because he cant control himself. Its because he wants to cheat. He enjoys doing it. The fact that he does shows how selfish he is and low little he cares. Dumping time.


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## Kittylee (Nov 9, 2012)

I've learned that usually when everyone is saying that your man is bad for you, they're usually right.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

You're a living, breathing Lifetime channel original.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Assuming your being serious here, once you do leave him and clear your head for awhile, it will all start to dawn on you and you will be kicking yourself as to why you didn't leave sooner.


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## Thatislandchick (Dec 7, 2012)

meeps said:


> sounds like more of an obsession than "love"


Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Thatislandchick said:


> Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


Sometimes it takes a brutal honesty approach to open your eyes.


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## Things Unsaid (Nov 26, 2012)

Thatislandchick said:


> Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


I feel for women who unwittingly pair off with someone like this or may not be able to get out at the time, but I have zero sympathy for the ones who are in the know but do it anyway and complain like it's such an unexpected tragedy. They're not children anymore and they need to be in control of their emotions at least enough to not be a danger to themselves or others. At least own your bad choices (I and everyone else have to).


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## nautilus (Aug 21, 2012)

Thatislandchick said:


> Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


I'm sure most people are just trying to help, but I think you have a point; discounting someone's emotions doesn't make them go away. The logic is obvious here, she's probably heard the same thing a million times already; I highly doubt the problem comes from a lack of understanding for the practical approach.

OP: I'm not going to tell you you're not in love; everyone defines love differently, and you know your own heart and mind better than anyone else. On the other hand, just because you love someone, it doesn't mean it's healthy to be in a relationship with them. I can't say I've been in the same situation _exactly_, but I certainly know what unrequited love feels like. And caring about the same person without anything in return for longer than most people would consider healthy. But no matter how much value I found in holding on to those feelings, I'm the first to admit that I put myself through quite a lot of suffering in doing so. No matter how much I wanted to offer my unconditional love, which I still maintain was one aspect of what I was feeling, I also wanted something from the person which I knew I would never get, and that was the part which was so painful to deal with.

I don't know what changed after *cough* a year and a half of liking the same person. I guess realizing that there really wasn't much I could do to form a connection with the guy; not just because of my own lack of social ability, but because he tended to close himself off from people. I started very gradually downscaling what I was looking for, "maybe I could just be his friend..." Then, seeing that wasn't matching up with reality, "We're really more like acquaintances, so I'll just be the best d*** acquaintance he ever had!" and after a while I saw that even that was unlikely. The hardest thing to come to terms with was that in the end, no matter how much I cared, I truly had _next to nothing_ to offer the guy, or at least nothing he would be able to accept.

The positive I got from this is that just because I can't give something of value to this one particular person, that doesn't mean there aren't others who will happen to be able to understand and appreciate what I have to offer. I hope you can get to a similar point someday, but it's something you'll have to work through yourself, unfortunately. Even so, I wish you luck.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

Thatislandchick said:


> Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


She's admitted to her obsession in a previous thread. I really do think she's confusing it with "love"
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/i-am-desperate-crazy-obsessed-about-him-217563/


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

You know the possible consequences of your actions. Your conscience will give you little alerts here and there. Your old enough to make your own decisions - you decide. Anything is possible. You know the most of your situation. Its your decision what is acceptable or not. Just be aware of the risks. You are responsible for your decisions. I neither condone or reject any of your options. Everything is up to you.
Your the only one who has the real power to judge. These are my opinions.

What you want IS possible but it isn't up to you... you can't force him to respect you, he has to want it too and If you want him to... then you have to make him see you as the only one...
You can do it.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

And then be in love with him, it is not anyone elses business.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Kathy baby...come to CT and I'll help you move on from this guy. 


By talking through it with you, that's all I meant.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

rymo said:


> Kathy baby...come to CT and I'll help you move on from this guy.
> 
> By talking through it with you, that's all I meant.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

Thatislandchick said:


> Wow you people suppose to be for support, you all are so critical. Wow. How do I delete a thread? People here are mean and insensitive.


Youve been here like a day. Dont talk like you know where everyones coming from

Not to mention the fact that shes telling the truth. Im sure your version of support is to keep lieing to a person to make them feel better, but youre actually doing more harm by being an enabler doing that.

Dont blame meeps for having the balls to say it like it is


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Can you just pause for a second and tell us WHY you love him? The things that entice you?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

ManOfFewWords said:


> You're a living, breathing Lifetime channel original.


fack ya bth


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

^ that is a very terrible thing to say. I cannot believe you would be so rude to someone who is trying to give you helpful advice (ManofFewWords). Didn't your parents teach you respect? This speaks volumes about how you handle things in real life. I am deeply offended by this coarse language. Did you know that is against the rules? I am very hurt by this.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

What a terrible world we live in... people saying the F word to each other :no. It just depresses me so much. I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep with these disturbing thoughts in my head.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

I have insomnia and I can't get to sleep because of this. I am too busy crying to fall asleep. Do you ever think about how your words might affect others around you? Do you feel any guilt for the pain you just caused me? I think you might be a sociopath.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Twelve Keyz said:


> I have insomnia and I can't get to sleep because of this. I am too busy crying to fall asleep. Do you ever think about how your words might affect others around you? Do you feel any guilt for the pain you just caused me? I think you might be a sociopath.


Are you being serious? lol


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Are you being serious? lol


you are laughing at my suffering? You must also be a sociopath. fck ya both


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Twelve Keyz said:


> you are laughing at my suffering? What a cruel and unforgiving world we live in. You must also be a sociopath. fck ya both


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

Now let's chill and group hug :group


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

I am laughing so hard right now damn. I'm a psychopath


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Maybe you just love the drama of it all and like meeps says sounds like an obsession. No matter what we say you are not gonna listen so let yourself be hurt I guess...until you see the light.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Okay, ever wonder why some women fall for the bad boy every time? Do you have past hurts? These things need to be worked out, if not, you will always find yourself chasing after a guy who treats you poorly. Seeking professional help from a therapist to work out those issues will heal those emotional wounds. That way, you can finally be able to walk away from the bad boys, and open your heart to a man who deserves it. You are precious, Kathy.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Damn girl, this must be your 10th thread about this guy. And I thought I was bad with my 2 or 3 threads about a controlling d**chebag.

Obsessing about it will only make you feel worse. Honestly, it's time for you to let go. Maybe get some help.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

Cletis said:


> * Cues theme song from 'The Young And The Restless' *


more like:


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## JAkDy (Jan 23, 2011)

Nah you've gone waaaay beyond the point of love. Love is less selfish.
By the look of these threads, your feelings for him have escalated as the drama has escalated in an almost perfect proportional way.

Your point of view hasn't changed a bit with all the feedback on any of the threads by other people (i've only chimed in now), which makes me wonder why you're creating them and not just writing a blog or something. You're convinced in your own actions because you don't want to think anything else.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I know how it feels. They treat you bad but you still love them. Why? It's because you want their approval. The more they withhold their approval and their love the more desperately you want it.

It's not that you love him. It's more like you desperately want him to love you. You want him to make you feel better about yourself. Once you realize that you will lose all interest in him.


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