# Bro, I'm so sick of ppl



## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

I met this really cool girl I liked from a dating app. What stood out was that she actually put forth the effort to message me daily, and we actually met up quite a few times. Nobody ever continues to message me, let alone offers to hang out. I kept fighting my instinct of "ok so what's the catch with this girl" and said to myself, "yanno what, this time it's actually going to be a normal shot at building a friendship then maybe a relationship"

Sooo here's the catch - failed friendship/relationship attempt #281:
She told me she had a bf, but things weren't working out. He smoked and drank 24/7, had rich parents but was unemployed, and never helped her paid rent - he was living with her ffs. She basically gave me the impression that she was finding the right time to end things. I patiently waited for two months. We still texted daily and met up about every other weekend. I make a joke about something her bf did "..this is why you need a gf instead" which sparks her to update me on the situation.

She tells me she wants to give him another chance. He'd promised her to stop drinking/smoking. She said she hates herself for giving ppl too many chances, but I respected her decision. Then she drops the bomb on me that I was basically a pawn to make him jealous. I got angry and expressed reasonably how I did NOT appreciate being both lead on and used. She apologized a lot and assured me she wants to continue hanging out and wants to date me in the future (she said this twice actually). I thought this was suspicious af, but ok Nora lets uhh.. try this trusting thing again.

Well she never meets up with me again. She stops texting me. I even moved closer to her and got a job in her town. I kind of figured once I worked there and she didn't jump on the opportunity to hang out after work was the biggest red flag of them all. My skeptic heart knew it was over, but I tried to be hopeful and not shoot ppl down.

Today I found out that on her relationship status, she has a new bf. Are all ppl sadists, like seriously? I immediately removed her from my friends.

It's so frustrating and exhausting trying to show ppl who you are, getting nothing back in return. I'm so jaded with being the best me only to be rejected for a rediculous reason and wasting my time. I work hard, but then come home to literally no one and no one to look forward to hanging out with. Things are starting to feel pointless - I may as well be the only person on earth


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

> She told me she had a bf, but things weren't working out. He smoked and drank 24/7, had rich parents but was unemployed, and never helped her paid rent - he was living with her ffs. She basically gave me the impression that she was finding the right time to end things. I patiently waited for two months. We still texted daily and met up about every other weekend. I make a joke about something her bf did "..this is why you need a gf instead" which sparks her to update me on the situation.












Is this really how you want a relationship to start? This is falling into all kinds of cliches.



> She tells me she wants to give him another chance. He'd promised her to stop drinking/smoking. She said she hates herself for giving ppl too many chances, but I respected her decision. Then she drops the bomb on me that *I was basically a pawn to make him jealous.* I got angry and expressed reasonably how I did NOT appreciate being both lead on and used. She apologized a lot and assured me she wants to continue hanging out and wants to date me in the future (she said this twice actually).


Yeah I would have assumed that.



> I thought this was suspicious af, but ok Nora lets uhh.. try this trusting thing again.














> Well she never meets up with me again. She stops texting me. I even moved closer to her and got a job in her town. I kind of figured once I worked there and she didn't jump on the opportunity to hang out after work was the biggest red flag of them all. My skeptic heart knew it was over, but I tried to be hopeful and not shoot ppl down.


Oh god why.



> Today I found out that on her relationship status, she has a new bf. Are all ppl sadists, like seriously? I immediately removed her from my friends.


No just find a queer woman who is single next time and not a probably straight girl with serious relationship issues. I think a lot of people like this are on online dating though like they have some ulterior motive or are just looking for validation etc. I dunno what site you're using but try and find a wlw one as well if you're not already.


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

Yep my filter is definitely much finer now. I've actively learned my lesson. I thought dodging unicorn hunters was enough but nope


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Oh, this sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I can't believe she did that. Let's name her "Witch". She deserves her alcoholic boyfriend, and cheap drunk love. She is going to face herself in the same situation the next time she gets abused.

Vicious Circle. You would be wise to stay off her merry-go-round.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Wow, she's an *** hole. You dodged a bullet for sure.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

Noraborealis said:


> Sooo here's the catch - failed friendship/relationship attempt #281:
> She told me she had a bf, but things weren't working out. He smoked and drank 24/7, had rich parents but was unemployed, and never helped her paid rent - he was living with her ffs.


I mean honestly this is the part where you should've thought to yourself that she was a bad idea. I don't think I would want to be around someone that kept toxic people in their life.


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

Sekiro said:


> Noraborealis said:
> 
> 
> > Sooo here's the catch - failed friendship/relationship attempt #281:
> ...


I really struggle with being so desperate that I'll consider anyone. I'm starting to do better though and this helped me realize I need to hold more standards for myself. Good ppl are out there I just need to keep looking :3

Thanks for the support, everyone; I really needed it today


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## FloridaGuy48 (Jun 30, 2014)

Dating is a numbers game. You will be disappointed with more people then you are happy with. You have to find that diamond in the rough so to speak. On to the next one. You will find someone better if you keep putting yourself out there.

So im a bit confused by the situation. Was she a lesbian / bisexual as well? Were you 2 just seeing each other as friends or was there anything sexual going on?


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

Persephone The Dread said:


> > Well she never meets up with me again. She stops texting me. I even moved closer to her and got a job in her town. I kind of figured once I worked there and she didn't jump on the opportunity to hang out after work was the biggest red flag of them all. My skeptic heart knew it was over, but I tried to be hopeful and not shoot ppl down.
> 
> 
> Oh god why.


I'm moving to the closest city. It wasn't soley to be close to her (I'm not that pathetic). It's where I work and currently the commute is really far. Plus, I need to stop living in small towns if I want a chance at making friends


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

chrisinmd said:


> Dating is a numbers game. You will be disappointed with more people then you are happy with. You have to find that diamond in the rough so to speak. On to the next one. You will find someone better if you keep putting yourself out there.
> 
> So im a bit confused by the situation. Was she a lesbian / bisexual as well? Were you 2 just seeing each other as friends or was there anything sexual going on?


She's bisexual. No, we only hung out as friends in public places. I thought we were building a friendship but I guess I was her coping mechanism?

Oof yeah I've been trying now for 4 years with the dating. I wouldn't mind being single until I die at this point. I'd totally be fine with some quality friends. I dunno why but it's hard bonding with ppl to the point where they want to stick around. Maybe I'm just boring? :<


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Noraborealis said:


> I'm moving to the closest city. It wasn't soley to be close to her (I'm not that pathetic). It's where I work and currently the commute is really far. Plus, I need to stop living in small towns if I want a chance at making friends


OK that makes more sense.


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## D'avjo (Sep 23, 2018)

Noraborealis said:


> Today I found out that on her relationship status, she has a new bf. Are all ppl sadists, like seriously? I immediately removed her from my friends.
> 
> It's so frustrating and exhausting trying to show ppl who you are, getting nothing back in return. I'm so jaded with being the best me only to be rejected for a rediculous reason and wasting my time. I work hard, but then come home to literally no one and no one to look forward to hanging out with. Things are starting to feel pointless - I may as well be the only person on earth


Without sounding mean cos I know life can feel crappy, you need to take responsility for what happens to you, whether good and bad.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

If the girl was bisexual...apparently...then it makes sense for her to have both a male and female sexual/romantic partner. She couldn't possibly just be with one sex and be satisfied with that. 

I think you just wanted exclusivity and that wasn't going to happen with this person. Unless every party is fine with a 3-sided relationship, a situation with this girl is never going to work.


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## D'avjo (Sep 23, 2018)

Micronian said:


> Unless every party is fine with a 3-sided relationship, a situation with this girl is never going to work.


This would just be ****ing weird, but if it works for some then all good.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Micronian said:


> If the girl was bisexual...apparently...then it makes sense for her to have both a male and female sexual/romantic partner. She couldn't possibly just be with one sex and be satisfied with that.
> 
> I think you just wanted exclusivity and that wasn't going to happen with this person. Unless every party is fine with a 3-sided relationship, a situation with this girl is never going to work.


You are quite misinformed. Most bisexual people are not poly. The problem with this girl is she was just trying to make her ex jealous, she might not even be bisexual.


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## Noraborealis (Jul 3, 2017)

Micronian said:


> If the girl was bisexual...apparently...then it makes sense for her to have both a male and female sexual/romantic partner. She couldn't possibly just be with one sex and be satisfied with that.
> 
> I think you just wanted exclusivity and that wasn't going to happen with this person. Unless every party is fine with a 3-sided relationship, a situation with this girl is never going to work.


That's totally untrue and a misconception of bisexuality. Plenty of bi ppl are married and stay loyal to only their spouse. Just because you are attracted, doesn't mean you must act upon it. Being bi is the attraction, not hooking up to make it official.

No, I planned to be friends with her. Friendship then the possibility of dating, but breaking communication and picking up another bf kind of ruined that

Not sure why you two need to imply it's my fault. Like what responsibility? I should have looked into a crystal ball and seen that she would do a 180? Sometimes ppl just need to vent and don't need logical input and certainly not critisism on lifes unpredictability


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## ShyVegan (Nov 19, 2020)

To be honest, I really don't think she was ever going to leave her boyfriend for you. If she was going to, she would have already done it. I have actually been in a similar situation. A few years ago when I was in college, my ex from high school and I started talking again, and he was with his girlfriend at the time. He said he was going to leave her but he was "too scared" to. He was telling me at how badly she was towards him and everything... which probably wasn't true. I kind of forgot how he and her broke up, but anyway, they broke up. Lol. So we met up a few times at the college and shared a very awkward kiss. So his ex was still friends with his sister, which I really wasn't okay with because, well, I'm pretty sure you know why :sus Then he stopped talking to me as often giving me every excuse. Then, out of nowhere, he says he and her are back together! Wow. I just couldn't believe it. After what he told me about her... Oh well. Honestly, I don't think it would have worked out between us anyway. :haha But yeah, I think that's a similar situation to yours. Sorry about the rant. But there is someone for everyone. You just haven't met them yet. Like the song: Haven't Met You Yet by: Michael Bublé

You just gotta stay positive :grin2:


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## The Patriot (Nov 15, 2012)

Set her and forget her. She did you a favor, you can stop wasting time on her and find a woman who's worthy of your time and is not Straight (she's straight) but not "Straight" with you. You have more time now for another woman who will appreciate you. I'm sorry you went through that. She was looking for someone to dump the boyfriend issues on and you were there. When you find the right woman for you, you'll be like cool internet girl who? you don't have to see her again, she s a mess.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Noraborealis said:


> I really struggle with being so desperate that I'll consider anyone. I'm starting to do better though and this helped me realize I need to hold more standards for myself. Good ppl are out there I just need to keep looking :3
> 
> Thanks for the support, everyone; I really needed it today


Glad you got the support you wanted.

I'm sure you've got enough advice and given the situation enough thought and so I won't go on too much. Just that if you did want to maintain your standard if a future situation occurred... particularly at the point the person mentions that they are still in a rocky relationship. Should this happen again, perhaps an option is telling them to see how it goes and to then reach out to you if their relationship doesn't work out (take note I wouldn't expect for you to then sit around waiting patiently to see what happens).

Easy advice to give in hindsight of course - but maybe if this were to happen again, perhaps the above would hopefully help keep the emotional investment in check.

Overall Noraborealis, I'm actually impressed that you're choosing not only to see this as an opportunity to expect the best for yourself going forward, but also to still open to there being good people out there. Any advice you want, feel free to reach out to us. But either way, I'm optimistic for you.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

Never settle for someone who thinks that they can see you as an option. You would be the first they would resort to if things go sour or the first to be dropped and placed blame on if they were found out by their partner. The fact that this person didn't let you or anyone they ended up messaging know offhand is a definite red flag to run ASAP.


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