# I won't hit you. Date me.



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

That's right, I won't hit you. What more do you want? Now step in the "I want to date Adam" line and form an orderly queue.

Did you know that domestic violence isn't a crime in Russia? In fact, they consider what women here call "abuse" as an expression of love. If he hits you, he loves you. They say that this is acceptable in a culture that identifies as passionate.

While they make a fantastic point, I still won't hit you..._even when you're bad_. And that's my gift to you. I also won't stab, maim, mutilate, burn, or shoot you.

In short, I'm the man of your girlish dreams. Women so far have agreed with me too, but they qualify "dream" as being more specfically, a "nightmare." I don't get it; I never hit you!

It seems that women are demanding more and more out of men these days. They want to be listened to, loved, and even entertained! Entertained! It's almost as if they think they deserve such luxuries!

Back in the good old days, such a brazen, unashamed sense of entitlement was downright sinful. Now we have women whose criteria for dating involves more than avoiding regular disciplinary beatings.

Just last week, I was sizing up a woman's physical dimensions at work, and she called me "disgusting." _What?!_ I was just measuring her bust size with some twine, and I wasn't even groping her..._let alone beating her!_ Now _I_ am the bad guy?! Now _I_ am the one getting fired?! She was the one with the abusive language (directed at a man, no less)!

If women want to be in the workplace, fine. I don't object. I'm not an *******. But since when did the expectation that coworkers (coworkeresses, more specifically) not be fondled openly become the norm?!

But I digress...

I have a simple statement for the ladies now: Who wants to date me? I've developed a numbering system that can be used to determine the batting order, and remember that *I won't hit you*. What say you?


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...Me!!! Me!!!!!...Pick me, Adam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yes :yes :mushy ... :blush :squeeze


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

....please ... :um


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Random number generation will determine the order. There are 17,340 members of SAS. Presumably about 8,500 are female. Some women apparently aren't attracted to me, so let's just assume that only 8,000 want to date me.

So, since you replied with interest first, you get your number first.... And it is............. 490th!!! Wow, you'll be relatively early!!!


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

ardrum said:


> Random number generation will determine the order. There are 17,340 members of SAS. Presumably about 8,500 are female. Some women apparently aren't attracted to me, so let's just assume that only 8,000 want to date me.
> 
> So, since you replied with interest first, you get your number first.... And it is............. 490th!!! Wow, you'll be relatively early!!!


... :bah :mum ****ING **** **** ****!!!!!!!!!!


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Too funny -- lol.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

ardrum said:


> I've developed a numbering system that can be used to determine the_ batting order_, and remember that *I won't hit you*.


... :sus Hmmm, don't know about your choice of words there, Adam... :b

Seriously though, the level of domestic violence in Australia is pretty alarming. Recently they ran a special campaign about it on television.


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## ruinthps (Aug 15, 2007)

I approve of this thread. Where are the rest of the girls for Adam to random number generate?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

ruinthps said:


> I approve of this thread. Where are the rest of the girls for Adam to random number generate?


I'm thinking they might STILL be intimidated.


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