# Parents think I'm an alcoholic



## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

I won't get into it all in detail right now, but I like to drink, often. My mother, whom I live with, has given me Sept. 6th as my move out date because of my supposed alcoholism. I don't have any physical symptoms of withdrawal, nor do I feel a compulsion to drink. I just really like beer and I don't have much to do right now since I'm not working.

I'm thinking about going to AA tonight just to see what it's like. It'll be interesting to see how twisted and stupid and boring and religious AA is, from what I've heard and read. I sincerely believe AA is a cult and that it does more harm than good. I'm especially turned off by the deeply religious aspect of the twelve steps.

Has anyone here ever been to an AA meeting? How did it go, what do you think about AA, and did it help you in any way?


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

How much and how often are you drinking? Obviously, you'll be hard-pressed to convince your mother otherwise as I doubt she's being even-handed in this. Will going to AA, even to simply appease her, be enough to keep you in the house?

I, too, like beer and don't consider it abuse when done responsibly. My family has a history of alcohol abuse and when I started drinking bottles of wine on a nightly basis, my mother started to closely monitor my consumption and confronted me about it. It's never been beyond my control, though, so I never bothered with AA.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Maybe it's not just the beer drinking, but your behavior? She might be seeing something that you aren't noticing after you had several beers. Just one possible reason to be aware of.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

My behavior? Well, I tend to drink at night and not around them. I've never gotten overly emotional and angry like some who drink. Actually, I'm pleasant to be around when I'm drunk.

Slothrop, I had been drinking every other day usually. When I do drink, I tend to get trashed and pass out. So that worries her, I'm sure. I've decided to stop for now, not because I want to, but because I want to prove to my mom that I'm not an alcoholic.

I had planned on going to AA in order to continue living here, but she found my pot plants and decided that I'm not serious about quitting alcohol, so I am definitely out of here by the 6th. It doesn't make any sense to me, but whatever.


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

Hopefully she didn't kill the plants...! It would be far easier to grow those on your own, so hopefully you can trans-plant them.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

They're safe and sound.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Rufus,

Doobie dobbie do....pot's illegal for you.
You are putting your mom's freedom in danger, too.

If there is a dependency.....a need for pot or alcohol "to take the edge off" or "get you through a rough time", then AA may be a good thing.

At AA, you will learn about what triggers the need to drink or smoke grass, address underlying needs, and have other people listen to you. You will release what is causing you pain and learn how to adequately deal with your problems.

God isn't such a bad dude, you know!


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> Doobie dobbie do....pot's illegal for you.


In a nanny state.



> You are putting your mom's freedom in danger, too.


Not likely.



> God isn't such a bad dude, you know!


Trying to make a recruit? :lol


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

God doesn't exist in my world so the idea of him being "not such a bad dude" is moot.

Pot's illegal for me and everyone else in this country, and it shouldn't be. But that's for another topic.

AA won't teach me a damn thing, I am sure of that. Top ten reasons to run from Alcoholics Anonymous:
[youtube:2kt04fcd]I-pRv6sdsMI[/youtube:2kt04fcd]

And I'm not dependent on pot and booze.


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## TruSeeker777 (Nov 9, 2003)

um, I wouldn't let a youtube video stop you from attending AA. Go to one meeting and make up your own mind. I've been to 12 step groups and they are nothing like what was depicted in that video. Also, there are alternative programs to AA; SMART recovery is one. I'm sure Google can assist you in finding others.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Slothrop said:


> millenniumman75 said:
> 
> 
> > Doobie dobbie do....pot's illegal for you.
> ...


Trying to make a recruit? :lol[/quote:brg8ayhl]

Nope - but one has to admit that He's gotten a really bad rap from people lately and it's not fair.


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## odun (Nov 9, 2003)

> God isn't such a bad dude, you know!


drunks are heathens, obviously.

faith is great. and im not trying to belittle its importance in battling addiction.

but addiction is an illness. and in most cases, addicts need the assistance of professionals to recover.

your comment about god smacks of self righteousness and moralizing.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

He's not an alcoholic, people. If he is an alcoholic, then half the country is. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if some people actually believe the latter, just like they may believe that anyone who smokes pot has a problem because, well, it's illegal, so it must be really bad. 

He just likes beer. His mom doesn't come from the world of drinking, so it's hard for her to understand. It's a pretty simple matter, really.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

TruSeeker777 said:


> um, I wouldn't let a youtube video stop you from attending AA.


I'm not - remember I said I was thinking of attending one to see what it's like. However, I've read a lot about AA and I know that a lot of people, including mental health professionals, are anti-AA for good reason.

And of course I'm not going for any supposed problem as I have stated before.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

You are drinking/smoking Pot EVERY OTHER DAY until you PASS OUT.And your parents think that the problem is severe enough to warrant throwing you out of the house.It DOES sound like you have a problem to me.You did not mention how long you have been doing said behavior btw.And just because you are a 'mellow drunk', don't have the shakes the next morning, and don't get behind the wheel and 'drink and drive', does not mean that you do not have a problem.Here is a simple test, can you go for an ENTIRE WEEK without drinking and smoking Pot?

If you can't do it, then you do have a problem with alcohol to some degree.A.A. is not a cult, and you don't have to do anything but sit there and listen to other people talk about their problems.And for every mental health 'expert' who opposes A.A., there are a million such psychiatrists, therapists etc. who think that A.A. is beneficial for people that have problems with alcohol....

Go to an A.A. meeting, sit there for a hour, and just listen to some of the people talk about their problems with alcohol.You might find that some of their stories strike a chord with you.It's free, and all you have to do is sit there and listen.You have nothing to lose, and maybe something to gain by doing so.

Try to show your parents that you are committed to being clean and sober for a week or two, and are going to go to some A.A. meetings.If you can do this, then they probably will give you another chance, and not throw you out of the house right away.Something like that, is usually the LAST resort of concerned parents.Give it a try! Dave


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

odun said:


> > God isn't such a bad dude, you know!
> 
> 
> drunks are heathens, obviously.
> ...


The word is *HUMILITY*.

Alcoholism is self-medication, as is any behavior used as a coping mechanism or crush. I have coping behaviors, too - not good ones, but not reefer or booze. If there is a dependency on any of the above "to get by", "to get me through", and enough is used, then there is a problem. The focus needs to be on the trigger for such events and a more valid way to dealing with them.


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> not good ones, but not reefer or booze. If there is a dependency on any of the above "to get by", "to get me through", and enough is used, then there is a problem. The focus needs to be on the trigger for such events and a more valid way to dealing with them.


Why do you assume that most people smoking or drinking are escaping from something? I smoke nearly every day and have no dependence on it, zero. After smoking 7-10 times a week for 4 months, I completely stopped for two weeks without any trouble, just that it took me longer to sleep at night. I use it because it virtually eliminates my insomnia. I can confidently say that weed has given me 3 hours of extra sleep at night by falling asleep at 1 rather than 4-5.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

WinterDave said:


> *You are drinking/smoking Pot EVERY OTHER DAY until you PASS OUT.*And your parents think that the problem is severe enough to warrant throwing you out of the house.It DOES sound like you have a problem to me.You did not mention how long you have been doing said behavior btw.And just because you are a 'mellow drunk', don't have the shakes the next morning, and don't get behind the wheel and 'drink and drive', does not mean that you do not have a problem.Here is a simple test, can you go for an ENTIRE WEEK without drinking and smoking Pot?


at least half of the people i know my age (family members, friends, acquaintances) smoke pot every other or every day and i really doubt they all have an addiction problem. they all have a job and some do really really well in school and have normal social lives. it's a bit presumptuous to assume they automatically have a problem if they are just doing it because they genuinely enjoy it and not because they feel they have no control.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

Alcohol is far more addictive/destructive than marijuana.If a person says that they are using Alcohol EVERY OTHER DAY until they PASS OUT, and that their parents are throwing them out of the house because of said excessive use, then there does appear to be a problem.But like I said, if Rufus can go a week without ANY Alcohol and Pot, then maybe he doesn't have a problem.But when someone gets to the point where they are questioning their drinking, loved ones are complaining about their drinking, or they wonder whether or not to go to A.A., then the odds are about ninety percent that they DO have a substance abuse problem to a varying degree, and would benefit from A.A. or N.A..... :stu


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Pot isn't even the issue here. It's alcohol. I don't have anywhere to get pot at the moment.

The last time I drank was Monday. It is now Saturday and I feel no compulsion to drink. I'm also quitting my other drug, which I actually am addicted to. I've made posts regarding this other drug.

The only reason I would have gone to AA is to appease my mother, and to see for myself how cultist and stupid it is. It's too late for that now, because she thinks I am not serious about fixing my "problem."


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## odun (Nov 9, 2003)

> if Rufus can go a week without ANY Alcohol and Pot, then maybe he doesn't have a problem.


alcoholism isnt defined by frequency or quantity.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

If someone is drinking EVERY other day until they pass out, then the frequency parameter does play a part.
And I have always felt that quantity DOES play a part in the diagnosis of alcoholism, even though many people disagree.If you are compelled to drink a glass of wine or three beers every day then that is one thing, and your current problem is minor and more easily treatable.If you need to drink a pint of Whiskey every day in order to cope/sleep, then that is a very different thing.Though other alcoholics can go for years before they 'fall off the wagon'.But the case here is someone who drinks every other day until they pass out, so volume, frequency, and the length of time of said behavior are very much pertinent....


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

If you decide to go to AA, at least keep preconceptions out. AA is not necessarily "cultist". It's just a method to help address a problem.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Slothrop said:


> millenniumman75 said:
> 
> 
> > not good ones, but not reefer or booze. If there is a dependency on any of the above "to get by", "to get me through", and enough is used, then there is a problem. The focus needs to be on the trigger for such events and a more valid way to dealing with them.
> ...


Coping mechanisms are not always conscious thoughts or actions - those are worse because they can be rationalized.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I think I would sooner move out than have to deal with my parent like that as an adult. what I do is my business, as long as I take care of myself and I'm not harming anyone or have a kid to raise. Anyway, there are alternatives to AA. This one looks interesting:

http://www.moderation.org/


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

odun said:


> > if Rufus can go a week without ANY Alcohol and Pot, then maybe he doesn't have a problem.
> 
> 
> alcoholism isnt defined by frequency or quantity.


There's a big difference between an alcoholic and a drunk, I think you are confusing the 2.


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## AppleEatsWorm (Apr 2, 2005)

So where are you going to stay?


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

nothing to fear said:


> WinterDave said:
> 
> 
> > *You are drinking/smoking Pot EVERY OTHER DAY until you PASS OUT.*And your parents think that the problem is severe enough to warrant throwing you out of the house.It DOES sound like you have a problem to me.You did not mention how long you have been doing said behavior btw.And just because you are a 'mellow drunk', don't have the shakes the next morning, and don't get behind the wheel and 'drink and drive', does not mean that you do not have a problem.Here is a simple test, can you go for an ENTIRE WEEK without drinking and smoking Pot?
> ...


Take a look at a brain scan of a pothead, and you will see the black marks all over the brain. It rots the brain from a twenty some year old to an 85 year old. It ages the the brain.
Just cause you enjoy doesnt make it right.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

jenkydora said:


> nothing to fear said:
> 
> 
> > WinterDave said:
> ...


hey show me a lot of evidence that supports that and i'll believe it. i'm sure doing it excessively has its negative side-effects but overall i think they have been greatly exaggerrated.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I have seen reports of different studies and I've never heard of that one. I'd appreciate a link.

I found this: http://www.reuters.com/article/lates.../idUSN02271474

That study was done on long-term, heavy users, though. I can't fathom smoking 5 joints a day.


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## Dazzer1 (Jul 21, 2008)

I know 3 people that have developed cannabis psychosis, 1 of whom spent 3 months in a mental institute for his condition. On the other hand I know scores of people who smoke cannabis heavily every day and can function fine at both work and home and have been doing so for years. Different people react differently to long term Cannabis use, but you never know which type of person you are until you develop a mental illness from it; (or don't) that's the risk.

In regards to AA, some meeting groups do not even do the 12 steps, the one I went to was a small group that didn't. It is insane how people get really worked up into a frenzy about how sinister and "cult-like" AA is. This is so not true, it is a completely non-profit organisation where each group is run by people who have overcome alcoholism and are taking time out of their day purely to help others who are struggling with alcoholism and do not gain any financial profit whatsoever from it. Their are not many organisations that can say that in this day and age.

How can you even judge it before you have been there?


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## ShyGuyy420 (Jun 5, 2008)

jenkydora said:


> Take a look at a brain scan of a pothead, and you will see the black marks all over the brain. It rots the brain from a twenty some year old to an 85 year old.


Wow. I've heard alot of people exaggerate the negative effects of marijuana, and your statement is definately up there with the most ignorant of them. Perhaps you should actually know what your talking about before you post lies. And in the case that you try and say that your not lieing, provide a source with proof.

Im not saying that smoking marijuana is completely harmless and will not have negative side effects ... but to say that a 20 year old who smokes weed is on the same mental level as someone who is 85? Thats ridiculous.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Dazzer1 said:


> How can you even judge it before you have been there?


I've read a lot about it. I know it's not all bad. It helped my dad. It's a helpful support group for some people (3% of the population, possibly).


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Then, it's all the more reason to go.
There is a pattern - the coping mechanism. If your father had to relearn to hadnle things without alcohol, and hasn't told you about it, then it means that you have a possible additional chance of needing the same information.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

He has told me about it.

What's your point about a pattern -- the coping mechanism? I haven't felt like drinking every day or whatever. I had two beers a few nights ago.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

The person with the issue doesn't see it as readily as others around him. Your parents are worried you are doing things like your father did.


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

I dont lie with intent but I am sloppy with specifics. My post above about potheads was something on Oprah, but then again I remember it was about ecstasy use aging the brain. I saw the brain images of non user and user.
I cant give pics but what does that really prove?
Googe drugs and alchohol and brain damage. many pages, and new research.

I will try a link http://drug-rehabs.org/articles.php?aid=191


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

jenkydora said:


> Googe drugs and alchohol and brain damage. many pages, and new research.


yeah cause all drugs and alcohol have the same effect on the body :lol


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

millenniumman75 said:


> The person with the issue doesn't see it as readily as others around him.


 :agree


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> The person with the issue doesn't see it as readily as others around him. Your parents are worried you are doing things like your father did.


Mommy worries too much.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Listen, alcoholic. You are in denial. I don't care if you haven't had a drink in two weeks or two months. Heck, I don't even care if you never even drank before. You have a problem! You had baby marijuana plants... not even half an inch... and they died?? Druggie! Get help, jeez.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I'd drink by myself every night of the week if I could. If it wasn't for damn work the next morning. I <3 being drunk, its the only thing that makes me feel good anymore.


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