# Roommates?



## alex291 (Jan 1, 2009)

does anyone else have a roommate?

i had two at the beginning of the year. one was very outgoing and it made me nervous because i felt like she expected me to be the same way. she would bring her friends in and id be sitting at my computer and i felt all awkward and strange....very different from them. they were the "eccentric" kids on campus

now i only have one roommate and shes very nice but she spends more time in the room than i do! she had a lot of friends in high school and likes to party and go out a lot but she doesnt do that here. i think shes had a lot of problems making friends

i try to include her in what i do but sometimes i need my space. she is in the room constantly and i know she wouldnt be a hermit if she had some friends. i on the other hand am a hermit even though i have a few friends

i know were supposed to be sharing the room and everything but sometimes i get stressed out with how often shes in it. i need some alone time

does anyone have any roommate situations to share, or maybe some advice for me?


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## Beryl (Jan 9, 2007)

Being on this site I would hope you would be able to understand what your roommate is going through.

The best way to get what you want, your alone time, Is to get your roommate what she needs, some friends. The best way to do that is introduce her to people you know and hope she clicks with one of them and makes a friend.

I also have a roommate but he is like you and I like your roommate. He doesn't go out much, but he does on occasion. I on the other hand have made no friends and go no where. I have know him since elementary school but we never hung out before, and rarely talked, yet were good friends. He unfortunately does not try to introduce me with his friends or include me in anything. He even ignores me when he is in our room with a friend. He expects me to initiate and do everything.


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## Hoppipolla (Apr 11, 2007)

Why would that bother you? It's her room, too. When you have a roomate there are things you have to compromise. Not having 100% time alone, is one of them.


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

Having roommates sucks. Living alone is the best living situation I've ever been in. It's harder to make friends that way, of course. Why don't you join a club or something to get out more?


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## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

Boy do I have some juicy roommate info to share, lol. 

I transferred to a larger university my junior year of school and wanted to live in the dorm with a roommate to get the whole "college experience" and such. BIG mistake. My roommate ended up being a total b*tch, she was completely narcissistic and condescending. 

The way the dorms are set up at my school are you live in a room with another person, and you share a bathroom with the other two girls who live in a room together. 

So, the other two girls in the other room weren't liking each other too well. One of those girls, whom I'll nickname "Sociopath" (not kidding), befriended my roommate, whom I'll nickname "Narcissist." They were a horrible mix. "Sociopath" would come over and hang out with "Narcissist" all the time, and they would purposely leave me out of their shindigs. Which was fine with me, I didn't want to hang out with them either, especially since I don't like drama. 

"Sociopath's" roommate, whom I'll call "Fake," and I kind of hit it off from the start. Well, long story short, we all realized that our living arrangements weren't working out very well, so about three or four weeks into school, we all decided to switch rooms. So, I moved over to "Fake's" room and "Sociopath" moved in with "Narcissist." 

All was hunkey-dorey for a while, although I wasn't liking my new roommates lack of consideration that I had a hard-*** engineering major and needed some quiet time to study just as I was considerate towards her. She was constantly in the room too, and I was very considerate when she needed quiet to study, but she did not care that I needed some quiet study time as well. 

But about a month into this arrangement, "Sociopath" and "Narcissist," neither of whom my roommate and I liked very well, went into total WORLD WAR III, not surprisingly really if you put their horrible personalities together.

I mean, it would be 11pm, and my roommate and I could hear them yelling at each other over the stupidest thing. So, unfortunately for my roommate and I, "Narcissist" would come into our room to vent about "Sociopath." Unfortunately, "Fake" really liked drama, so she would put up with "Sociopath's" venting. However, I hate drama, so I wouldn't have anything to do with it; I had more to worry about than their stupid high school dramas anyway.

Funny enough, "Narcissist" practically begged me to come back to live with her and I said no. Plus, "Fake" didn't want me to leave and have "Sociopath" return. 

And amidst all the craziness, I started to see "Fake's" true colors, that I won't really get into so that this story can end soon. 

So, I started to realize that the whole roommate experience was not working out for me, so I went to the housing office and begged to have a private room. It was the best thing I could have ever done. 

Some people have really good roommate experiences and develop lifelong friendships out of it, but I wasn't so fortunate, unfortunately.


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## alex291 (Jan 1, 2009)

Beryl said:


> Being on this site I would hope you would be able to understand what your roommate is going through.
> 
> The best way to get what you want, your alone time, Is to get your roommate what she needs, some friends. The best way to do that is introduce her to people you know and hope she clicks with one of them and makes a friend.
> 
> I also have a roommate but he is like you and I like your roommate. He doesn't go out much, but he does on occasion. I on the other hand have made no friends and go no where. I have know him since elementary school but we never hung out before, and rarely talked, yet were good friends. He unfortunately does not try to introduce me with his friends or include me in anything. He even ignores me when he is in our room with a friend. He expects me to initiate and do everything.


being on this site i would hope that you understand what IM going through! my roommate doesnt have social anxiety, ive seen her with other people and shes absolutely fine. shes just initially shy. of course im not speaking in certain terms, but im fairly sure..

i have introduced her to my friends. i go to dinner with her nearly every night. i include her in almost everything i do. you can bring a horse to water but you cant make it drink

i know shes probably not having a good time, but theres only so much i can do. im not her babysitter.

im not saying i resent her for spending time in the room, just that its nice to have alone time.



Hoppipolla said:


> Why would that bother you? It's her room, too. When you have a roomate there are things you have to compromise. Not having 100% time alone, is one of them.


why would it bother me? because i have social anxiety, im introverted, i like privacy? im not asking for 100% time alone. im asking for more time alone.



Solitario said:


> Having roommates sucks. Living alone is the best living situation I've ever been in. It's harder to make friends that way, of course. Why don't you join a club or something to get out more?


having a roommate isnt all that bad. i think id feel better if we lived in an apartment, and we each had our own room and then a common living area. that way it wouldnt get too lonely, but id have a place to be alone too.

right now im in a single small room with another person whos always in it. i am in clubs and i do get out, but weekends are tough because the friends i have from classes i dont spend time with on weekends. its too difficult to initiate things



SadRosesAreBeautiful said:


> Boy do I have some juicy roommate info to share, lol.
> 
> I transferred to a larger university my junior year of school and wanted to live in the dorm with a roommate to get the whole "college experience" and such. BIG mistake. My roommate ended up being a total b*tch, she was completely narcissistic and condescending.
> 
> ...


yeah i dont really have any drama here which is a good thing. i know things could be worse but i just wish i could have my own space sometimes too.


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## Hoppipolla (Apr 11, 2007)

alex291 said:


> being on this site i would hope that you understand what IM going through! my roommate doesnt have social anxiety, ive seen her with other people and shes absolutely fine. shes just initially shy. of course im not speaking in certain terms, but im fairly sure..
> 
> i have introduced her to my friends. i go to dinner with her nearly every night. i include her in almost everything i do. you can bring a horse to water but you cant make it drink
> 
> ...


Just because she doesn't have social anxiety doesn't mean you can't have some empathy. And you should have some empathy considering most of the time people don't understand why you're so shy and why you barely talk. You don't know if it's hard for her to make friends because she's sad about living away from home or other reasons. That's why you should be a little bit more undrstanding about her feelings and why she's always in the room. It's her room, she's paying for it, and if she barely talks, it's like being on your own in the room. If you're still throwing a little tantrum about how much you want to have privacy, ask her when she's in class so you can be in the room alone. Have a roomate come with it's positives and negatives, so deal with it.


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## alex291 (Jan 1, 2009)

Hoppipolla said:


> Just because she doesn't have social anxiety doesn't mean you can't have some empathy. And you should have some empathy considering most of the time people don't understand why you're so shy and why you barely talk. You don't know if it's hard for her to make friends because she's sad about living away from home or other reasons. That's why you should be a little bit more undrstanding about her feelings and why she's always in the room. It's her room, she's paying for it, and if she barely talks, it's like being on your own in the room. If you're still throwing a little tantrum about how much you want to have privacy, ask her when she's in class so you can be in the room alone. Have a roomate come with it's positives and negatives, so deal with it.


i do have empathy. thats why i try to include her in what i do. we are going out to the movies tonight, for example. i know shes shy, im very empathetic to that, but im also not going to devote my entire life to making things easier for her. i think im entitled to the occasional vent. its far from a tantrum, and im never nasty to her or anything.

god forbid i vent about a social anxiety side effect on a social anxiety forum


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## Hoppipolla (Apr 11, 2007)

alex291 said:


> i do have empathy. thats why i try to include her in what i do. we are going out to the movies tonight, for example. i know shes shy, im very empathetic to that, but im also not going to devote my entire life to making things easier for her. i think im entitled to the occasional vent. its far from a tantrum, and im never nasty to her or anything.
> 
> god forbid i vent about a social anxiety side effect on a social anxiety forum


I didn't say include her in anything. It's nice that you do, but that's not my point.
And wanting privacy is not a side effect from SA.


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## alex291 (Jan 1, 2009)

Hoppipolla said:


> I didn't say include her in anything. It's nice that you do, but that's not my point.
> And wanting privacy is not a side effect from SA.


whats your point then? that we need to share? compromise? we do. i understand that, and i agree with you.

i still think im entitled to an occasional vent, especially on a website called "social anxiety SUPPORT"

and yea maybe i used the wrong word. its not a "side effect" but it helps me cope. its harder for me to be around a person as often as i am around my roommate, because of my social anxiety. its really important to me to have some alone time so i can recuperate from the constant social interaction


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

I loved living in dorms. I did for two years, both times with roomates. I would have done anything for a single room but that wasn't an option. Compared to some stuff I've heard my roomates weren't too bad.

My first roomate was pretty social and we didn't really become friends but we were pretty respectful of each other I guess, no major incidents (possibly becuase I didn't report the time I found her boyfriend selling pot in our room - door open! - which could have gotten us both kicked out of housing). She spent a lot of nights away so that was pretty fun and I got decent solo time.

My second roomate the next year was much better, we actually talk from time to time still. She actually had somewhat of a nervous breakdown two months into the year (turns out she was bipolar) so I pretty much had the place to myself most of the year. I even opened up about my SA to her, which is pretty rare. We had a pretty good time.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I was in the Navy. In bootcamp I had 74 room mates, of which at least 25% snored. Even after bootcamp I usually had 2-3 room mates. If you're really needing some alone time, there are places to go for that. Libraries, museums even shopping malls. A walk in the park. It sounds as though your roomie could use some time out away from the room as well. Take her with you.


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## alex291 (Jan 1, 2009)

Amocholes said:


> I was in the Navy. In bootcamp I had 74 room mates, of which at least 25% snored. Even after bootcamp I usually had 2-3 room mates. If you're really needing some alone time, there are places to go for that. Libraries, museums even shopping malls. A walk in the park. It sounds as though your roomie could use some time out away from the room as well. Take her with you.


thanks, yea i do that, but usually feel lonely in public places when im alone. at least when i have privacy i feel at ease. sometimes i go to the bookstore or bury myself in work at the library but other times i just want to sit on my computer and listen to music and chill out in privacy


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