# Would you break up with your girlfriend for this?



## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

.


----------



## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

No, you're not.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

It's nothing to break up over, but your entitled to feel insecure and have questions.


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

It's not right of her to do that. Has she done anything else like that?


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Hadron said:


> That's the thing. I don't know.
> 
> I don't know whether I can trust her anymore. I have dumped my ex for far less than this...


It's definitely not a good idea to make a decision while you're pissed. But I would probably back off from her. Give her some space while you can figure it out.


----------



## donzen (May 13, 2014)

Hadron said:


> Seems like good advice.
> 
> I'll take a day or two to make up my mind how to approach this.


Trust is important in relationships.
If she threw that and you start to feel bad about it.. I wouldn't call that healthy. 
And how did you found out about this?


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I understand the frustration. My ex went on a trip and slept in a bed with this bisexual guy. I met the guy and he was pretty much flaming. I mentioned that it was strange, but that was it. I know if I had slept in a bed with a girl, no matter what her orientation, the ex would've been pissed. There's nothing wrong with crashing on the floor.


----------



## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

Tbh I do think you're being unreasonable, I don't find sharing a bed to be anything serious. I think you need to learn to trust her more and if you keep bringing this up she's going to get annoyed that you're the jealous type. Let it go.


----------



## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I hate to say things like this but I think you have a lot of insecurities and problems related to girls and dating and it might be better to date no one for awhile and work on figuring yourself out and maybe seeing a therapist. Your attitudes towards the women you're dating do not seem healthy at all.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Hadron said:


> *OK so I just found out* my girlfriend went on this trip somewhere and shared a bed with a male friend of hers who isn't gay.


Meaning she told you, or you found out some other way?

And was there was only one bed wherever they were staying? Or did she have the option of sleeping somewhere else, but specifically chose to share a bed with that guy?


----------



## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

Hadron said:


> I've dumped my ex because she told me some guys were asking her for nudes. Only *****s get requests like that. I don't date *****s which is why I dumped her. This situation is way more serious you know...


Yeah, because someone's personal habits completely define the misogyny in their immediate vicinity... This woman should dump _you_. Only twats date twats.


----------



## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Yeah, that's not cool of her....seems pretty disrespectful.


----------



## garzagec (May 27, 2014)

Come on, it's a guy and a girl in the same bed. You have the right to question things. The truth will come out though. Let it go, don't keep it in your head. Try to find out if it's true or not. If you find out she's lying, break up.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Hadron said:


> She told me. The details don't matter. I know she wouldn't cheat on me intentionally. I'm not afraid of her cheating on me. But she should have known better than to sleep with another guy in the same bed because guys will always try something.


Well if you know she didn't cheat, I definitely wouldn't break up with her. Just let her know that you're not comfortable with her doing stuff like that, and give her another chance.


----------



## donzen (May 13, 2014)

She told you and you know she didn't cheat on you.
Talk with her instead of going for the end already and give her a last chance.
I don't know.. but if I had a girlfriend that shared a bed with another dude..


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

There is no way nothing happened. How could she possibly justify this? lol.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Hadron said:


> I know. That's what I keep telling her.


How did you find out? Did you have to pressure her before you got the truth and/or did you find out from someone else?


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

donzen said:


> She told you and you know she didn't cheat on you.
> Talk with her instead of going for the end already and give her a last chance.
> I don't know.. but if I had a girlfriend that shared a bed with another dude..


I agree. If he talks to her about it, and then she later does something like this again, then I'd probably suggest breaking up. But if she didn't know it would bother him much, and she didn't cheat...no harm done?

And yeah, I don't understand the logic of sharing a bed with someone of the opposite sex if you're in a relationship...I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that, even if I did have male friends in rl. It'd just be weird. :um


----------



## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

The act itself doesn't seem to serious to me so if she told about it you as soon as possible I don't see a massive violation of trust.



Hadron said:


> The ****ed up thing is that I felt guilty even casually flirting with my female friends. I loved her more than anything and I'd have been good to her no matter what.
> 
> She knew I'm extra-sensitive to those things so she should have known better.


You seem... Insecure, to put it nicely, so I doubt this "relationship" would last much longer in any case.


----------



## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

There's really only one reason I can think of as to why a woman in a committed relationship would sleep in the same bed with another guy. Maybe nothing happened, but I really doubt it.

If I was in that situation I would have insisted on throwing down some blankets and a pillow and sleeping on the floor. End of story. No jealousy, no questions, no chance of wandering hands, no wondering what happened.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Hadron said:


> Everyone has their limits. Some people's limit would probably be their girlfriend not having a 10 men anal gang-bang, but fine with everything else she does.


Rofl xD

Seriously though, you have legitimate reason to be concerned. That isn't something you do when you're in a relationship. I also know that you, me, and every other guy on Earth knows exactly what that guy wanted and was trying to do.


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Hadron said:


> The ****ed up thing is that I felt guilty even casually flirting with my female friends. I loved her more than anything and I'd have been good to her no matter what.
> 
> She knew I'm extra-sensitive to those things so she should have known better.


You're a good person. She should have known better than to do something that would make you feel so insecure.


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Yeah, if you're in a relationship, then you should probably just be throwing some pillows and blankets on the floor.


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

I would agree with being upset, I would feel the same.

The main point for me is that my trust in her would always be in doubt once she did something like that. If she gets the feeling that sleeping with another unrelated man is okay, what's next? Nothing is there to suggest a boundary, necessarily. It completely undermines the intimacy of a romantic relationship in my opinion.

But the fact that my trust would be anything but complete would make me at least heavily consider breaking up.


----------



## anxious87 (Oct 6, 2013)

Sounds like you would both benefit from not being with each other


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

Hadron said:


> She knew I was insecure though. Before she went on that trip I told her I was uncomfortable with her going on a trip alone with a male friend (a pretty dodgy one who is 10 years older than her and knew her since she was 16). She replied that I'm controlling and manipulative. Yes, we had a rough patch and didn't talk when she went on that trip. But the thing is, they booked the shared room before all that happened. Makes you wonder why she didn't want to talk to me too during that time period..
> 
> Then we were back on good terms again but I didn't know about it until recently...


Given the circumstances of your relationship, I would say it is warranted to have doubts. Problems with communication open so many doors for misunderstandings and bad decisions.

The writing on the wall may be telling you to get out before things worsen.


----------



## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

Sounds iffy, either way the male should have been sleeping on the floor if the girl was in a relationship. (I mean come on where's the sense of modesty these days?)

But I won't bother assuming anything that could be false, Personally I'd get rid of her on the basis that she seemed fine with sleeping with other men, which in my books is just a no no even if nothing happened.


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Hadron said:


> She knew I was insecure though. Before she went on that trip I told her I was uncomfortable with her going on a trip alone with a male friend (a pretty dodgy one who is 10 years older than her and knew her since she was 16)..


The whole thing seems dodgy to me. Why was she going on a trip alone with a straight male friend anyway? That's more than just a date, it sounds like a romantic getaway.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Hadron said:


> OK so I just found out my girlfriend went on this trip somewhere and shared a bed with a male friend of hers who isn't gay. She said nothing happened and that I'm being unreasonable by suggeting that a male and female can't share a bed without it being just platonic.
> 
> Am i being unreasonable? Or should I break up?


You may be being unreasonable, but I don't know your GF that well. Based on the little you've shared so far in the 3 pages of this thread, I can't say that she's done anything worth breaking up over.

How well do you know your GF? Is she the type that flirts with guys? Do you know the guy? Is he someone who tries to hit on people, and is he the kind of guy that she likes?

Women aren't just objects that are there for men to take when they have the opportunity. She could have easily used body language and words to show that she wasn't open to doing anything with the guy. You're equating sleeping in the same bed as f--king.


----------



## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

If you can't trust her how can you love her?


----------



## cmed (Oct 17, 2009)

Hadron said:


> OK so I just found out





Hadron said:


> She replied that I'm controlling and manipulative.





Hadron said:


> they booked the shared room before all that happened.





Hadron said:


> *she didn't want to talk to me too during that time period..*


Red flags everywhere (especially that last one.)



Hadron said:


> I'll take a day or two to make up my mind how to approach this.


Good idea. Give yourself some time to think about it as rationally as possible without acting on impulses.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Hadron said:


> Just broke up with her. I gave her a chance to explain herself but she kept insisting that I'm crazy for thinking she did anything wrong.
> 
> My approach to relationships is "If there is a doubt, there is no doubt". Basically, don't take any chances. I know that there is a very good chance that she is telling the truth and all of this was innocent. But frankly, I'm not willing to take that chance because I'll never know for sure.
> 
> Thanks for your replies everyone.


Damn, this girl slept in a bed with a guy friend and she was cool enough to be open and honest about it with you??? Why would you throw away someone like that? 2 possibilities:

1. You're incredibly insecure. SAS all that jazz. Understandable. But damn, you're never going to get over that if you make such ridiculously over-the-top decisions just to protect your ego.

2. You weren't that into her. In which case, I suppose it's for the best.

But from what your posts in this thread #1 seems to be much more accurate.


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

rymo said:


> Damn, this girl slept in a bed with a guy friend and she was cool enough to be open and honest about it with you??? Why would you throw away someone like that? 2 possibilities:


Next you're going to tell us that if his gf danced with another guy at a party and made out, it's cool because it didn't mean anything and she was just having fun. At least, she was open enough to be honest about it.

Lulz. :no


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

rymo said:


> Damn, this girl slept in a bed with a guy friend and she was cool enough to be open and honest about it with you??? Why would you throw away someone like that? 2 possibilities:
> 
> 1. You're incredibly insecure. SAS all that jazz. Understandable. But damn, you're never going to get over that if you make such ridiculously over-the-top decisions just to protect your ego.
> 
> ...


He did say that it made him really uncomfortable before it happened. That seems like a response that most people would have.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

arnie said:


> Next your going to tell us that if his gf danced with another guy at a party and made out, it's cool cause it didn't mean anything and she was just having fun. At least, she was open enough to be honest about it.
> 
> Lulz. :no


Actually no, Arnie. No I wasn't. How you could equate sleeping in the same bed with someone on vacation (likely because that was the only bed available) with making out with someone...I just...your brain is something special.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Plenty of hotels have rooms with two double beds.


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

rymo said:


> Actually no, Arnie. No I wasn't. How you could equate sleeping in the same bed with someone on vacation (likely because that was the only bed available) with making out with someone...I just...your brain is something special.


The OP said that his (now ex-) GF specifically booked the room like that, and that she didn't even tell him about it until well after.

So yeah, she was completely open and honest about it....


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Plenty of hotels have rooms with two double beds.


That's a great revelation, thank you for that.

Honestly, I would be more interested in why this girl went on vacation with this guy to begin with. That should be the #1 infraction, anything after that is just icing on the cake. What guy goes on vacation with a girl ten years younger than her?



Jammer25 said:


> The OP said that his (now ex-) GF specifically booked the room like that, and that she didn't even tell him about it until well after.
> 
> So yeah, she was completely open and honest about it....


Again, why did it even get that far? If I have a serious gf and she goes on a vacation with some creepy guy 10 years older than her and without me, there are some serious issues going on.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

rymo said:


> That's a great revelation, thank you for that.
> 
> Honestly, I would be more interested in why this girl went on vacation with this guy to begin with. That should be the #1 infraction, anything after that is just icing on the cake. What guy goes on vacation with a girl ten years younger than her?


Weren't you just saying that the OP was being incredibly insecure for feeling uncomfortable with that?


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Weren't you just saying that the OP was being incredibly insecure for feeling uncomfortable with that?


At first I assumed he was cool with her going on the vacation, because he specifically mentioned the bed thing at first but not the vacation thing in general as being the issue.

Reasons he could have been cool with it:
- guy was a family member or family friend of the girl's
- a father figure to the girl

In those cases I would say, yes, the OP was being insecure. But now I realize it was just some friend of the girl's or something...I guess? I don't know. I have friends who have have gone on trips without their significant other with a friend of the opposite sex, and it was all good. But there has to be a level of trust between the person staying home and the friend. That's the major thing. If Hadron knew this guy really well and knew he was just a really good platonic friend of the girl, that's one thing. I don't believe that's the case, so the whole thing was a bit inconsiderate and obnoxious on her part.

Curious OP - how long were you seeing this girl?


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

rymo said:


> Again, why did it even get that far? If I have a serious gf and she goes on a vacation with some creepy guy 10 years older than her and without me, there are some serious issues going on.


True enough. If I found out my GF booked a trip like that 1) without at least consulting me, 2) still decided to go despite my protests and 3) berated me for even worrying, I would break up with her then and there.

Good on the OP for getting out before more **** went down.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

rymo said:


> At first I assumed he was cool with her going on the vacation, because he specifically mentioned the bed thing at first but not the vacation thing in general as being the issue.
> 
> Reasons he could have been cool with it:
> - guy was a family member or family friend of the girl's
> ...


Oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense.


You're awesome.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

rymo said:


> You're awesome.


I wasn't being sarcastic...I was just saying that I must have misinterpreted the first post you made.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Hadron said:


> OK so I just found out my girlfriend went on this trip somewhere and shared a bed with a male friend of hers who isn't gay. She said nothing happened and that I'm being unreasonable by suggeting that a male and female can't share a bed without it being just platonic.
> 
> Am i being unreasonable? Or should I break up?


I have a friend it never worked out with (of course) but somehow still managed to stay friends with her for a long time. She slept in a bed with me on a trip and nothing happened. Her boyfriend didn't seem concerned, he trusted her and that was probably a good call because she respected him more for having that trust. I later met him and stayed with them during a trip and he got along with me really well.

I didn't tell him I've had sex with his girlfriend a long time ago, though, I'm not sure if she ever told him. I don't want to know.

Still, good on him.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Hadron said:


> I couldn't go because it was my exam period. And yes, I did know about it. It was a 2 day trip to another country.


Who footed the bill? That will answer everything.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Hadron said:


> Just broke up with her. I gave her a chance to explain herself but she kept insisting that I'm crazy for thinking she did anything wrong.
> 
> My approach to relationships is "If there is a doubt, there is no doubt". Basically, don't take any chances. I know that there is a very good chance that she is telling the truth and all of this was innocent. But frankly, I'm not willing to take that chance because I'll never know for sure.
> 
> Thanks for your replies everyone.


Now that I read you decided to dump her I can go ahead and tell you for sure you made the right choice. Even if you feel like probably nothing happened, the real problem is that she did it even though she knew it bothered you. I'm actually certain something happened. I bet her "friend" paid for the trip and I bet she has not been faithful to you even before the trip. You made the right choice.


----------



## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

cmed said:


> Red flags everywhere (especially that last one.)


If it were me this would be the clincher. I have mentioned in another thread before how I'm a cold and heartless *******, but I'd break up with her that instant and never look back.

But I wouldn't consider myself relationship material.


----------



## Rayden (May 27, 2014)

She pushed the boundaries thats for sure.

Are you being unreasonable? No not at all.

Worth breaking up? if it was me, i would be consdiering a bunch of other variables as well. really would depend how i feel overall about her and about past history of the relationship.


----------



## Rayden (May 27, 2014)

Sorry for the double post, don't think i can edit yet, what was her reaction when you called it quits if i may ask?


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

You shouldn't have added the "kill yourself" part. That seems like you're guilt tripping her. Unless you mean that you were depressed before and wamted to kill yourself and not kill yourself because the relationship was going to end.

Even if that were the case saying you were going to kill yourself is such a strong statement I don't like that it was brought up and probably would have kept it to myself.


----------



## Randomguy555 (Apr 26, 2014)

Hadron said:


> _Very much unlike you who goes on a romantic trip with a sugar daddy whilst the person who loved you the most *tried to kill himself*._


Wish you the best of luck OP, but you should work on yourself a little bit before you hop into the next relationship because you should NEVER let someone else have that much influence over you.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Hadron said:


> It was months ago and I was drunk sensless and in a very depressive mood. I'd never attempt anything like that sober. I just happened to have a gun next te me. It was sooo full of sand that it didn't shoot.
> 
> Anyway, I said I don't want to talk about it.
> 
> Please guys, let this thread die already...


No one's forcing you to talk about anything. He's just giving his honest reaction. And I agree. You should seriously work on your stuff before getting into another realationship.


----------



## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

Sounds pretty shady to me. I'd throw her to the wolves if I were you.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I have shared beds with guys where nothing happened a few times. Never went on a trip where that was the plan from the start though.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Wait, is this the s*** test we've been hearing about?

Maybe you should ask her if they showered together. A total lack of boundaries and respect for your relationship. 

I would dump her. You're not being insecure. Just common sense.


----------

