# Can a man and woman be just friends?



## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Just curious to hear some opinions on this subject. I've done some looking around and everyone has something different to say. Do you think that it's possible for a man and woman to stay platonic friends for years and no attraction ever develops between the two?


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

No


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i think so. one of my best friends is a guy. we met at college about 8 years ago and we still talk fairly regularly. ive never had romantic feelings for him and as far as i know he same is also true for him. he's like a brother to me.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Yes, I've had female friends. Sex with them never crossed my mind. Jealousy on the other hand did come in droves, mainly around their other male friends.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

blue the puppy said:


> i think so. one of my best friends is a guy. we met at college about 8 years ago and we still talk fairly regularly. ive never had romantic feelings for him and as far as i know he same is also true for him. he's like a brother to me.


not sure if he feels the same way


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Yes, but I think about having sex at least once with every girl I know.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

I think there has to be either no physical attraction or some social boundary that both parties are not willing to cross (marriage, etc). Otherwise 99% of the time if sex is offered the guy will go for it.

Just one socially inept person's opinion of course.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Women will say yes, men will say no.

/thread.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

Sure.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

Yes


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## pastels (Sep 18, 2012)

yes and no. for me if i am attracted to them which is usually everyone its hard for me to just be friends. but it can happen its been done many times before


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

TPower said:


> Women will say yes, men will say no.
> 
> /thread.


This.


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## Rich19 (Aug 11, 2012)

Zeeshan said:


> No


My best freinds a girl. we have been best freinds for over a decade

consider your opinion invalid


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## Whimbrella (Aug 22, 2012)

I think it's hard, if there is any attraction on either side. It's always there and it gets in the way, kind of makes things feel wrong. 

I don't really know about attraction developing over time, that's never really happened for me - I think if there's any chemistry I feel it straight away.

It can somewhat help to talk about it though. You can acknowledge that there is an attraction but you won't act on it for whatever reason.


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## erasercrumbs (Dec 17, 2009)

If they have similar interests, why not? 

Women tend to find my personality less irritating than guys do, so I've actually come closer to befriending women than men (on the internet, at least). But when they find out I'm male-ish, they immediately distance themselves for some reason. I don't know why exactly, though I have concocted cynical theories that explain it away.


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## metamorphosis (Dec 18, 2008)

In my case, yes. I've been friends with a girl that I've known since H.S.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

If there are romantic feelings and you secretly wish to be their date, then it can ruin the friendship. Jealous feelings when they are out with some other person. Can drive a person crazy trying to contain all that feeling.

Some people can overcome it, others can't.

But if there aren't any romantic feelings on either side, you're fine.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

Absolutely!


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

YES.
it's ultimate friendship when it's genderless.
it's easier if both have the chain preventing romantic feelings tho. Whether it's religion, or he/she has a spouse, different sexual orientation, etc.
Something that's a total turnoff but not enough turnoff to break the friendship.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

apparently its impossible for some people


but who cares if theres attraction, you can still be friends


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I haven't got any real life female friends, just some internet ones, they'll only ever be friendships and I'm under no illusions.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Yes, since I have them and no, there is no sexual tension and yes they are attractive and no I'm not gay.

How this works I do not know, but there it is!


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

If there are no, umm, "FUZZY" feelings between the two, then yes, of course they can be just friends.

I have a difficult time understanding why some people are incapable of this (or why some people believe it to be impossible).


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

Yes, most of my good friends are women, although a few times I was yelled at by a few because I didn't show any interest in (or make a move on) them, which came as a complete shock to me because they treated me like a brother.:um


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Yes if I am not that woman


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Yes, it's possible. A couple years back I looked up a woman I used to love on Facebook. We couldn't correspond because hubby forbid it. Jealousy gone way overboard IMO. It's not like I'm going to try to steal away his wife who's been married for a decade & has two kids with him & now lives as far away as possible without falling into the Pacific.

Perhaps considering bisexuals would help illustrate how silly this is. I guess they couldn't have any friends, since they could potentially want to bang anybody. At least with straight folks you automatically have 50% of the population being totally un-bang-able.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

If there is no attraction. More often than not though most man and woman "friendships" are based on bulls^%$. Men can be very "opportunistic", especially hanging out alone in a dark room and "behind closed doors" with a woman regardless if she is a potential lover or platonic friend:blank.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

No. Well, maybe. I've met a guy or two who were fine with just being friends, others on the other hand... I've hung around a couple of guys I just started having friendly conversation with, of course they only so happened to want more as well, which I didn't especially want. Meh, haven't had an actual guy friend since college or something... just online friends, and they're really easy to speak to without crap such as attraction butting in. Man, I wish I had asexual friends ;-; *le sigh*


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)




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## aquilla (Aug 18, 2011)

Yes. Though I've recently read an article in which sociologists said that it's impossible. But I have a friend who's a guy and I honestly never felt anything sexual towards him. And after knowing him for so many years, knowing so much about him I'm sure he has never felt anything sexual towards me( or any other woman from our mutual friends, in fact).


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## RawrJessiRawr (Nov 3, 2010)

Yes, unless you guys dated and use to really love each other... -.- its harder, its something im going through atm


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Gosh, this sounds like an argument from When Harry Met Sally. I think they can, yes.


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## Insider (Sep 17, 2012)

I think yes, but only if neither one is attracted to the other.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

no the man always want to secretly bone the woman. sorry but its true.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Sure it's possible. Friends with benefits are still friends.


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## DiceOfDiscord (Sep 9, 2012)

Yes. It's not been my experience, but I've seen other people do it. I think it's kind of rare though.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Yes. I assume it may vary from person to person aswell. I think the term "friend" is a bit vague to what degree you're specifically trying to discuss though.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

blue the puppy said:


> i think so. one of my best friends is a guy. we met at college about 8 years ago and we still talk fairly regularly. ive never had romantic feelings for him and as far as i know he same is also true for him. he's like a brother to me.


sorry to break it to you, but he just wants to be in your pants


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

MiMiK said:


>


:clap


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## em violet (Apr 21, 2011)

pastels said:


> yes and no. for me if i am attracted to them which is usually everyone its hard for me to just be friends. but it can happen its been done many times before


same for me


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## Mithun (Sep 25, 2008)

Why not, but am not sure yet.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, but it has to be based on no sexual chemistry. If there is sexual interest on either side then it is near impossible one will not act upon it.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

TPower said:


> Women will say yes, men will say no.
> 
> /thread.


Agreed. The thing is, if one of the parties feels it isn't so then it isn't so. I hate the fact that such a topic's opinions are so widely disagreed.

@OP: The first error when answering or even asking questions like this is assuming we all have the same definition of "friend". To get significant clarity, I feel it's necessary to explain what each individual feels is a friend.

...I'd like to share my opinions on the matter but I can't completely express at the moment. I'll probably come back to this thread later. =/ Ultimately though my short answer is, usually no, not completely, not by my definition of a friend. What I mean by "not completely" is that I feel sexual attraction will limit the relationship in subtle yet significant ways. Of course, my answer revolves around the scenario in which one of the parties finds the other physically attractive. If both parties find each other repulsive, my answer is yes.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> Just curious to hear some opinions on this subject. I've done some looking around and everyone has something different to say. Do you think that it's possible for a man and woman to stay platonic friends for years and no attraction ever develops between the two?


Yes, and I say this from personal experience. I have guy friends who I have gone out with multiple times (strictly platonic) to bars, clubs, beach, etc. I have no sexual attraction to them. I don't know exactly how they view me, but I do know they are very respectful and have never crossed the friend line. They are straight. We have good conversation and I have never felt like they were flirting. They have helped me when I had guy problems/questions. If I am with them at a club/bar they watch me so creeps don't bother me. They keep them away lol, and make sure if I'm talking/dancing with someone I'm doing okay. Otherwise they help me get out of it. We don't hang out all the time, but they are friends and on occasion we'll text each other and hang out just for fun. Sometimes they are in a relationship, other times they are not, but it doesn't affect us hanging out either way. I will never view them as a potential relationship partner, as nice as they are.


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

I think so but if theres any physical attraction that usually plays a huge part. One or the other could have feelings, kinda crappy when one does and the other doesn't.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Yes


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## CoastalSprite (Sep 8, 2011)

I used to think yes, because I have a guyfriend who has remained my platonic friend for years. However I admit I have imagined having sex with him before- just a what-if kind of thing, because he's a good guy and my friend who has slept with him said he's amazing in bed :lol He doesn't like me that way though so things would be hella awkward if he knew I've had such thoughts.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

CoastalSprite said:


> I used to think yes, because I have a guyfriend who has remained my platonic friend for years. However I admit I have imagined having sex with him before- just a what-if kind of thing, because he's a good guy and my friend who has slept with him said he's amazing in bed :lol He doesn't like me that way though so things would be hella awkward if he knew I've had such thoughts.


I think you are underestimating how horny guys are. Give it a chance.


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## hyejan (Feb 19, 2012)

every situation is unique but i think mature people can have platonic friendships without wanting anything more even if there is attraction there but alot of guys use the friendship tactic to try get girls which doesnt work


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

I had a female friend back in college.

We had sex, things got weird, then we stopped hanging out.


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## CoastalSprite (Sep 8, 2011)

elvin jones said:


> I think you are underestimating how horny guys are. Give it a chance.


Nah, wouldn't want to lose him as a friend. Also he's my friend's hated ex-boyfriend... Wouldn't want to lose her as a friend either :blank


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I want to believe they can. I really like my friends , it does make it easier because I'm not attractive, even still... 

Things can get complicated. So I'll say MAYBE, I'd say its not impossible but it is not super common.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

Also to add, I have guy "friends" who I consider a friend and nothing more, but they hang out with me thinking of it as a possible opportunity for more. Thus I don't hang out with them anymore.

So my relationships with guys vary. Some are good friends, others are just someone to hangout with.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

In general, yes. I have plenty of girls who I'm just friends with (king of the friend zone). After you've already had a relationship or fling, I don't think it's possible... At least I don't know why you'd want to be friends


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

As long as my penis can be friends with her throat, I'm fine with that.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

^ This is exactly why you believe that men and women can never be friends. Women are nothing but a walking assortment of holes to stick your peen in, and that's why you can't even fathom the idea of interacting with one in a non-sexual way. Expect to be a very lonely man, because there is no hope for a long term serious relationship that isn't built on a strong foundation of friendship. You and your partner are going to need some common interests to talk about when you aren't having sex, otherwise things are going to get very awkward. There needs to be some kind of non-sexual connection there as well, or it won't last.

Friendship is based on sharing common ideals, interests, etc. Gender doesn't affect that.

A romantic relationship is basically friendship with an added level of intimacy (and I'm not just talking about sex). That's why websites like eharmony match people on interests and personality traits. There is more to it than just "I want to sleep with that person."

But not every male/female friendship leads to a romantic relationship. Many, many men and women are just friends, with no interest in pursuing anything sexual. There are male and female friends here on SAS.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

blue the puppy said:


> i think so. one of my best friends is a guy. we met at college about 8 years ago and we still talk fairly regularly. ive never had romantic feelings for him and as far as i know he same is also true for him. he's like a brother to me.


Yeah but he probably thought about sleeping with you at some point.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It's hard for me to be true friends with a woman.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

au Lait said:


> Friendship is based on sharing common ideals, interests, etc. Gender doesn't affect that.
> 
> But not every male/female friendship leads to a romantic relationship. Many, many men and women are just friends, with no interest in pursuing anything sexual. There are male and female friends here on SAS.


Yeah and if you've ever been attracted to a woman and it not be reciprocated, it's torture trying to be her friend!

There are male and female "friends" on SAS, but are all of them cases where there is no attraction, and do they hang out in person a lot, or is it just an internet relationship? Big questions...


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I guess it depends on how you define "friend."


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Canucklehead said:


> I had a female friend back in college.
> 
> We had sex, things got weird, then we stopped hanging out.


The sex always gets in the way.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

au Lait said:


> ^ This is exactly why you believe that men and women can never be friends. Women are nothing but a walking assortment of holes to stick your peen in, and that's why you can't even fathom the idea of interacting with one in a non-sexual way. Expect to be a very lonely man, because there is no hope for a long term serious relationship that isn't built on a strong foundation of friendship. You and your partner are going to need some common interests to talk about when you aren't having sex, otherwise things are going to get very awkward. There needs to be some kind of non-sexual connection there as well, or it won't last.
> 
> Friendship is based on sharing common ideals, interests, etc. Gender doesn't affect that.


It's simpler than that.

Assuming I'm single, just like her.

_If they are not cool then they are probably just attractive and why would i want to hang out with them if they won't sleep with me? If they are cool then the desire to sleep with them will only intensify the more I hang out with them so I am really only torturing myself emotionally to hang out with them and pretend that that is all I want. Why would I or any guy want to put himself through that?_

Men fall in love and feel sexual attraction in a logical way. They don't need to feel that their partner is an important person in society, or can provoke external jealousy. The only way a man will ever friend-zone a girl is if she's ugly.

Men act logically. You don't want to provoke sexual frustrations to yourself, now do you?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

TPower said:


> It's simpler than that.
> 
> Assuming I'm single, just like her.
> 
> ...


Eloquently put.


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## Cashew (May 30, 2010)

Not exactly. I've had a couple very close platonic male friends, but it didn't get that way until after a brief crushing period years prior, where it was established that it wouldn't work anyway.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I don't see why not.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

Well to me, when a men and women don't interact in the same way that same sex friends do. I only say this for two reasons: One, because we are socialized differently, and two, because there is always a chance for attraction, even if it's just a very small chance. 

Personally, I think it is totally possible for men and women to be only friends and nothing more, but a possibility for stuff might always be there.

I'm only really asking this question based on a personal experience. I made a new friend in 12th grade and I saw her as only a friend...that is until I started crushing on her. The counselors I was speaking to were extremely unhelpful because before I had a crush on her, they kept assuming that I liked her, asking me if her talking about other guys bothers me and asking me if I saw anything more with her. I mean, these fools knew that I had an obsessive thought problem. Planting stuff like this in my head is NOT helpful. 

Anyways our friendship went downhill very fast after I told her. Looking back, I think it's more that I just wanted to keep her all to myself rather than actually go out with her. I would have much rather remained her friend, but whatever. History is permanent and I've moved on since then.


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

Really don't think so. The guy is after/waiting around for something 9 times out of 10 from everything I've heard and seen. Can't say I've experienced it firsthand though. My age alone should tell you that. :b


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

Toppington said:


> Really don't think so. The guy is after something 9 times out of 10 from everything I've heard and seen. Can't say I've experienced it firsthand though. My age alone should tell you that. :b


well, well, well... look who it is


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

Twelve Keyz said:


> well, well, well... look who it is


Shh... Going off-topic is also unbecoming of a young lady.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Sphere said:


> If you want to know the answer just follow this link and read. The first few pages are kinda BS but the part about the ladders is pretty spot on accurate imo.
> 
> http://www.laddertheory.com/


That was the most awesome thing I have read in months.

Thank you for this.

It's so true though :S


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## youngloc (Dec 23, 2009)

I mostly have female friends, sure some naughty thoughts happen every now and then, but I wouldn't want to date them. I do think they wouldn't want to date me either


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think it's a choice. The people that I end up calling my friends using have qualities that I find attractive. And I have ended up in relationships with women that I initially thought as friends. Usually though once the relationship ends so does the friendship.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I pretty much only have female friends. Other guys are douche bags that only want to compete with me or fight me.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Yes


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

TPower said:


> Men fall in love and feel sexual attraction in a logical way.


hahahahahaha

you're the best satirist on these forums.



> Women will say yes, men will say no.
> 
> /thread.


one post in, and you'd already managed to _project_ with such _staggering deftness_.



> As long as my penis can be friends with her throat, I'm fine with that.


and in this post you communicated a disdain for women so effectively, it was as if _drealm _was back among us.



> Men act logically. You don't want to provoke sexual frustrations to yourself, now do you?


and as the cherry on top, you treated men as strangely _cogent _sex-crazed beasts. you played the MEN LOGICAL WOMEN EMOTIONAL trope with all the conviction of a particularly bitter MRA.

_bravo._


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

They can be friends if there's no physical attraction or if both of them are in exclusive relationships, or both. Otherwise it's just a hassle. I've lost plenty of female friends because I ended up wanting to take things further and they weren't interested.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

MiMiK said:


>


Girls don't believe this because they don't actively pursue relationship. From their point of view, they do nothing and then guys attempt to chat them up. However, for men sitting around doing nothing will never get them any dates. They have to actively seek out relationships so to them, every girl they are friends with is seen as a potential girlfriend.


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

Only if they aren't attracted to each other


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## Munchlaxxx (Sep 26, 2012)

Rainbat said:


> They can be friends if there's no physical attraction or if both of them are in exclusive relationships, or both. Otherwise it's just a hassle. I've lost plenty of female friends because I ended up wanting to take things further and they weren't interested.


I agree with this wise conclusion.
c:


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

LOL. Am I the only straight guy that only has female friends? I feel weird now :/


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

No, the guy ended up telling everyone behind my back that I was his GF and told a few guys to stop handing out with me. Never again.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Give me a break bro.



fingertips said:


> hahahahahaha
> 
> you're the best satirist on these forums.
> 
> ...


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## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

I'd have a hard time personally just cause of how alone I feel when it comes to the opposite sex.

I'm sure it has happened and can be done, just all depends on the people involved.


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## dreamerme (Sep 27, 2012)

Yes, but as long as there are boundaries.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

dreamerme said:


> Yes, but as long as there are boundaries.


Okay that I agree with.  Even if you're not attracted sometimes... things can happen that blurr them so if you let that happen then it makes it really hard to put them back in place. I'm going to chose to believe that its possible though. 

:teeth


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I can easily be only friends with guys. It's the one benefit of being ugly.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm surprised no ones noted any difference between a close friend and a casual friend. I'd say yes for a casual friend, meaning a friend you aren't that close to and communicate with maybe once a week if that. And no for a close friend, unless 1 of them is gay or they knew each other as children.


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