# What makes you think you can't get anyone because of SA?



## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

Is it because you've had proof of someone being attracted to you?

I've never thought of my problem of never being able to get anyone being down to SA. It feels more like I just don't attract women offline since none of them have ever acted like they were attracted to me.

Who knows, maybe I'm the type that only attracts shy girls (if there is such a thing) which would explain why I've never experienced a girl acting like she's attracted to me.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Ross said:


> Is it because you've had proof of someone being attracted to you?
> 
> I've never thought of my problem of never being able to get anyone being down to SA. It feels more like I just don't attract women offline since none of them have ever acted like they were attracted to me.
> 
> Who knows, maybe I'm the type that only attracts shy girls (if there is such a thing) which would explain why I've never experienced a girl acting like she's attracted to me.


That's a tough one. I think when women are younger they more outwardly show that they like a guy. As they get older they look for the guy to give a sign and then they react positively or negatively. Either that or as I get older I'm appearing less and less attractive or I just don't pick up on it anymore. From a guy's perspective SA can destroy any chance depending on how severe it is. In american culture the guy is to be the aggressor. If you don't go after them they don't really care as they know there is some other guy that will. 
So laying out issues SA creates:
1. lack of eye contact
2. lack of initiative by the guy with SA
3. lack of social skills if he does approach
4. possible attack
5. lack of friends (turn off)
6. lack of previous intimate relationsips (must be something wrong with him)
7. lack of being able to verbally express himself
8. appears to lack interest
9. appears immature due to all of the above
10. appears to lack confidence or more than likely does lack confidence (turn off)
11. seems boring (not exciting)
12. seems to lack experiences to share or isn't willing to

I'm sure there is even more things but you get the idea


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

If you don't meet or talk to people, it's impossible to end up in a relationship. As long as I can't manage the "hi" or the not-trying-to-get-away-as-fast-as-possible it's an easy deduction. I've no idea if I attract women, it's not the sort of thing I can stay calm enough to read from people.


----------



## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

I've been around women, and I used to have a social life. As far as I'm aware none of them acted like they were attracted to me. It's as though I'm missing that important 'factor', like pheremones or something.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Most girls don't like anxious/insecure people. I'm not always anxious but it seems like if you just stumble on some words you seem like a nervous guy and it's a big turn off. I don't have the skills to walk up and start a good conversation, i can walk up to a girl and just say some random things but then i'm just lost. My sisters ex was how i think many girls want a guy to be (i think he's very cool though). He could go on and on about random stuff for hours and had no problems what so ever meeting new people and socialising. 


I have attracted some girls though. Both introvert and extrovert but i always get shocked, for example this pretty very extroverted young girl suddenly asked if she could sleep at my house and i was like: :hide. It would be pretty awkward the next morning talking to my parents and dealing with everything with a hangover at the same time. :hide :cig


----------



## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

i don't know how to keep a girl


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I'm not around people, therefore I cannot meet anyone.


----------



## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

SA is not the reason my relationships don't work out. I'm enough past SA that it shouldn't be an issue or not a significant one. Not being able to read people and being too open, too trusting and a total oddball is the reason my relationships don't work out.


----------



## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

What makes you think no one in their right mind would be attracted to you?


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

ianthe said:


> Because I'm ugly and unfriendly, that's why. Most guys don't find those traits attractive.


Well, some of us guys are ugly and unfriendly too, and you're probably not that bad off . Being unfriendly might be the bigger issue here I mean, I'm incredibly ugly, but I'm a decent guy, so at least I have friends. That's really the first step to accomplishing anything socially.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> 1. lack of eye contact
> 2. lack of initiative by the guy with SA
> 3. lack of social skills if he does approach
> 4. possible attack
> ...


My ears are burning...


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

I'm the only one that wrongly read the thread title as "What makes you think you can't get _any_ because of SA?" ?

<-------pervert


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Ross said:


> I've been around women, and I used to have a social life. As far as I'm aware none of them acted like they were attracted to me. It's as though I'm missing that important 'factor', like pheremones or something.


To be honest nothing against women but I don't think they know exactly what they find attractive. If their friends say he's cute they will likely think the guy is cute. If they make fun of the guy's physical appearance more than likely they will conclude he is unattractive. I deep down inside believe it is a game of selling yourself to people. If you can't sell yourself no girl is going to buy. You have to make her think you're something hot and special.

But it works somewhat the other way. There are female movie stars that may be considered not that attractive or just average and then they suddenly portray their belief that they are sexy, in turn men find them sexy. Maybe this leads us right back to being confident in yourself.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

^ Wow, i didn't know _they_ could control people to such degree.

I hope they are not going to say frogs are sexy next...


----------



## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

You doubt the existance of the power of the marketing industry...hmm..drink a Pepsi lately, it's so much better than Kool-Aid..NOT!

I think it is confidence. While there are other factors, confidence is the biggest and baddest. Even if someone is shy, it's sexy to know that they are accomplished (confident) at something.


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I don't normally go out of the house, so I likely won't meet anyone unless my father starts bringing home gentleman callers like they did in the olden days to marry their daughters off.


----------



## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

ianthe said:


> Because I'm ugly and unfriendly, that's why. Most guys don't find those traits attractive.


You can't look that ugly, even ugly people get partners. And surely without the SA if a friendly guy you found attractive approached you you'd be friendly with him?


----------



## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

Zephyr said:


> > 1. lack of eye contact
> > 2. lack of initiative by the guy with SA
> > 3. lack of social skills if he does approach
> > 4. possible attack
> ...


Yeah, really, eh? :lol

thats a pretty realistic and discouraging list 

guys, go to http://www.doubleyourdating.com sign up for the newsletter and you'll be gettign more girls than most extroverted guys :lol


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> guys, go to http://www.doubleyourdating.com sign up for the newsletter and you'll be gettign more girls than most extroverted guys


All those "dating tips" sites are worthless, imho.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

GaryUranga said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > 1. lack of eye contact
> ...


I know what I lack, I know what it takes. I just don't have it. I can't change who I am or maybe I'm just too lazy to.


----------



## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

ColdFury said:


> > guys, go to http://www.doubleyourdating.com sign up for the newsletter and you'll be gettign more girls than most extroverted guys
> 
> 
> All those "dating tips" sites are worthless, imho.


 :agree although I guess it depends on what your goals are. Personally, I don't want to date 50 different girls. One would be plenty, but I would have to be really into her, and following some dating advice that's based on "quantity over quality" would be a bit counterproductive then.

(And technically, the double of 0 is still 0...)


----------



## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

scairy said:


> Ross said:
> 
> 
> > So laying out issues SA creates:
> ...


There's some truth in this sure, but it's a bit problem oriented too. In my opinion, the only points that really matter are nr 2 and 8. We never try, and if someone else do we avoid them. Not a general rule, but descriptive.


----------



## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

ott said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > > guys, go to http://www.doubleyourdating.com sign up for the newsletter and you'll be gettign more girls than most extroverted guys
> ...


well it has worked for me, give it a shot guys


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

ShesKrayZ said:


> You doubt the existance of the power of the marketing industry


Yes, i do.

Marketing it's about knowing what people _really_ want and pulling the right strings. It's not about mind control, they don't _instill_ desire into people, they merely know how to play around what's there already...


----------



## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

I've had periods of being standoffish, and periods of attempting to be friendly, and in both no one has ever shown interest. Granted I've never tried as hard as I should, mainly because I get so anxious and nervous, but there must be something about me that is unappealing. And I've tried really hard too to talk to people, one guy in particular, and it just went nowhere. :lol

I'm reading _Pride and Prejudice_ and I so need a Mrs. Bennet to go fetch me a husband. :b Being out of school now and hardly leaving the house, I'll never meet anyone now.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

My biggest problem is that I never go anywhere. Unless a prospective partner crashes through my wall like the Kool-Aid man, I won't be meeting anyone anytime soon.



ianthe said:


> Because I'm ugly and unfriendly, that's why. Most guys don't find those traits attractive.


Yeah, same here. Ugly people without social problems do date, so if I was actually "normal," I probably would have at least found _one_ person that found me even remotely desirable and dated him/her. Another problem is that I am extremely weird.

I would have to find someone willing to accept my reclusive behavior, lack of social network, mental issues, low self-esteem, counter-cultural interests, unattractiveness, and accidental rudeness.


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

ColdFury said:


> I'm not around people, therefore I cannot meet anyone.


Same here. Sitting in my room on Friday and Saturday nights certainly doesn't reel in the chicks! :lol

The few times that I've been dragged out to a club or wherever, a girl will come up to me and start trying to talk to me. But after about 2 awkward minutes max, the conversation dries up, and that's the end of that opportunity.

Not leaving the house, combined with severe SA, combined with my unique personality, combined with poor social skills, combined with high standards, combined with having nothing in common with 99.9999% of the human population, especially females, combined with having no job and still living at home, combined with not wanting children, combined with, etc.

I'd say I'm the closest thing to 'no hope' that you can get.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> ShesKrayZ said:
> 
> 
> > You doubt the existance of the power of the marketing industry
> ...


You're missing the fact that people influence how things are perceived. This is why perceptions vary between cultures. People have a desire to fit in with others as sociability is a means of measuring our self worth maintaining self esteem. If something is marketed as the socially desirable or accepted way then people will follow.

Going back to my point of selling yourself you have to know what people want and sell yourself to them. Make them perceive you in a way that society deems attractive.


----------



## moejo (Aug 29, 2005)

Futures said:


> Same here. Sitting in my room on Friday and Saturday nights certainly doesn't reel in the chicks! :lol
> 
> The few times that I've been dragged out to a club or wherever, a girl will come up to me and start trying to talk to me. But after about 2 awkward minutes max, the conversation dries up, and that's the end of that opportunity.
> 
> ...


Even if you have a GF, try telling her, "We are staying home on Fri and Sat nights." She would leave you. There are 2 single women on my street with BFs, they are gone practically the entire weekend.

I know what you mean by "combined with high standards." I'm the same. We're screwed up according to the society norm, so finding someone who measures up to the "higher standards" is impossible.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Futures said:


> The few times that I've been dragged out to a club or wherever, a girl will come up to me and start trying to talk to me. But after about 2 awkward minutes max, the conversation dries up, and that's the end of that opportunity.


Heh....

Atleast girls take the initiative. Here most people just hang with the people they came with and talk with people they know. If you want to meet someone new it's up to you. I've been hangin in bars/clubs for like 5 years and i still suck at starting conversations with people i don't know (i usually don't even bother trying).


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Futures said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > I'm not around people, therefore I cannot meet anyone.
> ...


You're not so unique. You've been to clubs.


----------



## Moltres (Apr 14, 2011)

> 1. lack of eye contact
> 2. lack of initiative by the guy with SA
> 3. lack of social skills if he does approach
> 4. possible attack
> ...


Totally me. I've probably pushed away so many this way.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I truly don't think a girl other than my former LDGF has ever flirted with me, although I've seen girls flirt with other guys. On top of that, I *have* taken the initiative to ask women out several times; rejected every time (except for my LDGF, and she pretty much all but told me to do it. Of course, she then dumped me when she found someone new).


----------



## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Wow, this is an oldie. Look at all the old, familiar (but long gone) names in this thread. It's like digging up a time capsule whenever someone bumps a thread as old as this one.


----------



## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

Paul said:


> If you don't meet or talk to people, it's impossible to end up in a relationship. As long as I can't manage the "hi" or the not-trying-to-get-away-as-fast-as-possible it's an easy deduction. I've no idea if I attract women, it's not the sort of thing I can stay calm enough to read from people.


Amen.


----------



## PuRex (Mar 19, 2011)

scairy said:


> 1. lack of eye contact
> 2. lack of initiative by the guy with SA
> 3. lack of social skills if he does approach
> 4. possible attack
> ...


This is so true and is exactly what I feel is the reason I'm never going to get a girlfriend.


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

PuRex said:


> This is so true and is exactly what I feel is the reason I'm never going to get a girlfriend.


The only reason that you will never get a girlfriend is because you have convinced yourself that you never will.


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

The reason why I don't think that I will have a boyfriend again is due to lack of confidence and lack of money. I can't afford to date.


----------



## Sisyphus (Mar 4, 2010)

-I have no confidence. Don't really need to elaborate why that hurts your chances

-I never know when to make a move. I'm sure I've had opportunities to actually get with a girl but I am terrible about picking up hints from girls. How do I know when/if she wants me to kiss her? :/

-I am terrible at flirting. Probably my worst fear in life is making some flirty comments to a girl and then find out the next day that she was telling people I was being a creeper. I'm sure girls have made comments to me where they were looking to hear something flirty back but I totally dropped the ball and said something safe.

-How SA has programmed me. We have anxiety, we hate it, and we do what we can to try and avoid having anxiety overloads and panic attacks. I usually try to take the path of least resistance to avoid anxiety, but you have to be bold and take risks with girls. Sometimes I can have a great conversation with an attractive girl and make her laugh etc. but I don't really know where to go from there. How do I get from good conversation to I'm really interested in you without making a fool out of myself?

If I had an earpiece and could have a friend across the room tell me when a girl wanted me to flirt with her or wanted me to make a move I would probably do 20x better haha.


----------



## JamieHasAnxiety (Feb 15, 2011)

I wish I knew a girl that was super cool that had SA. We would be best friends foreveerrrrr..


----------



## PuRex (Mar 19, 2011)

SAgirl said:


> The reason why I don't think that I will have a boyfriend again is due to lack of confidence and lack of money. I can't afford to date.


You don't need money to date... you just need a guy with money :yes


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

PuRex said:


> You don't need money to date... you just need a guy with money :yes


In this day and age, a guy wants a girl in which both of them work together and can afford to go to places that they both like. They call them trips. lol!

I would never date a guy just cause he had money. I have to also be attracted to him.

When, I'm looking at guys on certain dating sites just for browsing purposes, I mostly steer away from professional guys since they are so intimidating. I like blue collar guys. Oh, yeah and guys that like biking.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I think I can attract people just fine...But I don't feel like relationship material because so for I only had propositions of sex and nothing else...Maybe because I'm awkward to talk to and I think people can sort of tell I have no life...


----------



## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

Sisyphus said:


> -I have no confidence. Don't really need to elaborate why that hurts your chances
> 
> -I never know when to make a move. I'm sure I've had opportunities to actually get with a girl but I am terrible about picking up hints from girls. How do I know when/if she wants me to kiss her? :/
> 
> ...


Couldn't have said it any better myself.


----------



## Jade18 (Mar 6, 2011)

cause I have a face like a karbonkel which makes people go puke if they look at me for longer than 5 seconds,and im not that pretty inside either


----------



## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

I think guys can almost smell the anxiety off me.

And the guys that do come up to me, are usually looking for a one night stand, or are extremely drunk. And i have other guys that have seen me as mistress material. 
Its kinda depressing really, i mean i do try to be outgoing and friendly, but nothing ever works for me. And then it makes me feel even more worthless. 

So ya, it all comes back to my anxiety issues. I would do anything just to be reborn into a more confident person. I feel really trapped in my own body, and guys just run a mile from that. Sad but true


----------



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I don't like to think that It's a definite inevitability that I'll never get to be in a relationship with someone, but usually reality bites at some point and either I start to panic and think that I don't have the requisite social skills to keep it going or I can't get over the initiation part.

I mean I've been lucky enough to have a few relationships over my life but they came along at a time when I was in a much better position socially. Pushing yourself into that sweet spot later in the game requires more technique and skill (neither of which I have very much of because it wasn't that well developed)

And in the last few years I haven't had much positive reference experiences to draw from, it's hard to get out of the rut, and it seems to feel like I'm digging a little deeper everyday.

And this depresses the beejeesus out of me..


----------



## bball4life (Mar 19, 2011)

I "USED" to be very skinny for a guy and girls don't like guys that are skinnier than them...it's a no-brainer really.


----------



## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Drella said:


> My biggest problem is that I never go anywhere. *Unless a prospective partner crashes through my wall like the Kool-Aid man, I won't be meeting anyone anytime soon.*
> 
> Yeah, same here. Ugly people without social problems do date, so if I was actually "normal," I probably would have at least found _one_ person that found me even remotely desirable and dated him/her. Another problem is that I am extremely weird.
> 
> I would have to find someone willing to accept my reclusive behavior, lack of social network, mental issues, low self-esteem, counter-cultural interests, unattractiveness, and accidental rudeness.


That is exactly what i would have said for myself. And the bit i highlighted in bold kinda made me laugh - only because its so true in my case.

And ya dating hasnt much to do with looks, i see people that are, well, not much to look at that are in relationships, that make me go 'wow, there really is a market for every type', or even people who have serious anger issues, etc in relationships, but don't have anxiety. Looking at these people makes me wonder where i'm going wrong.

But everyone tells me not to get serious with someone at my age, and in a way, i agree with them. Deep down i dont want to be in a serious relationship at 23, i've seen too many people my age who break up and then say how much they regretted spending their youth in a dead-end realtionship.

But it's whatever floats your boat i guess.

I would love to have a relationship where its not too serious (just yet) and where by i have my freedom but have someone to cuddle up to. Ha, i probably ask for too much, hence why none of my previous relationships have ever worked out


----------



## Fortune (Apr 4, 2011)

I rarely go to places to meet girls.
which leaves online dating which seems hard.. preferably i'd like a sa gf in the uk which narrows it down even further.


----------



## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

I'm not a good looking guy, plus i just have a total lack of the required social abilities. in public, im usually pretty much a mute, so it's hard to leave a good impression.

But anyway, i don't know how or where i would meet women. online dating is so-so at best, im not a fan of dating coworkers, and even in settings were some would be able to meet new people, i just shy away from people i dont know.


----------



## Rocklee96 (Mar 31, 2011)

I can't even talk to girls.


----------



## Fortune (Apr 4, 2011)

im quite good looking.
have been approached by girls before unexpectedly which made me awkward as i like to be mentally prepared.. if that makes sense.. 
been hit on twice by older ladies.
i have a outer quiet shell with strangers but once cracked im like a different person..


----------



## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Having SA, crap social skills, low income, below average looks, being a nerd, and having a very isolated boring life = very low success with women.

The very few girls that show any kind of interest in me, I'm not attracted to.

Having said that, I don't think it's impossible for me to attract women, I just need the drive to work hard enough to improve all my shortcomings to become more attractive. (if anyone is unattractive and is unable to attract the opposite sex then it is up to them to work hard to become more attractive). I have been single all of my life. I need to stop all of this hopeful (one day she will show up) thinking and actually make changes. I just wish I had the motivation.:fall


----------



## Mr Blues (Apr 1, 2011)

I don't think it's anything to do with my SA. I just don't believe I am attractive enough to get a woman I am attracted to. And most of the time when I go out I am playing a gig, which one would think automatically gives off the impression of someone who is confident..

Plus going out for me is extremely rare. I go down to play the local pub maybe once a week. I may have had interest expressed a few times there, but mostly it's by women I am not attracted to. And the last one to hit on me was probably 7-10 yrs older.


----------



## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

Well...right now I'm not in the mood to find anyone but I know when I start in a few months after I finish school it's not going to be pretty. The reasons why I don't think I can get anyone:
- My SA causes me to get very embarassed and act awkardly and even jumble my sentences. I will most likely scare the guy away or they might misunderstand me.
- I'm just too afraid. Afraid of rejection, the possibility of making a bad choice. Afraid that having a boyfriend will cause more damage than good in terms of my life's goals.
- I honestly don't think I'm that attractive. Maybe by myself but size me up against other people I just fade away.
- In the area that I live in, I feel like choices are limited. I hate to bring race into this, but it IS a factor in whether or not people will even consider dating you. Some people are cool and don't care. But where I live it's another story. What stings is when people my own race don't even want to date me or are even attracted to people that look like me (white people don't really seem to have too much of a problem in this regard). It's either because their mother's made them scared of girls and they don't have the confidence (understandable) but then you have the ones that have a life goal of getting with a white girl - which is cool, whatever you want, but you don't have to give me nasty looks about it. Now maybe things are a little different OUTSIDE of the area that I live.
- Part 2 of rant/vent above: With this being a problem where I live I have to search outside of given parameters. Which can be good or bad. Generally where I live if you are not White or East Asian you are kind of automatically not even considered or given much of a chance. The guys that have been attracted to me were...they started off appearing very good but have all these retarded assumptions. Like they think I'm subservient and they think they are the greatest thing to ever happen to me so they can treat me like sh*t and get away with it. Their families even thought I was illiterate?
- I seem to have attracted insecure guys in my past, if not no guys at all. Lack of confidence is no problem to me, I would still date someone with lack of confidence (b/c I lack it too ) but insecure guys are a problem. Guys that have friends care what their friends think. Where I live it's like this unwritten rule: if the friends don't like you you're gone. Or if you're not somewhat of a trophy to show off to their friends you are gone.

Yeah, I think past bad experiences that were all similar in some way have turned me off to pursuing people and it reflects on the outside. Maybe I need to get out of my current area, but I seem to be stuck here. I'm fine by myself, but when I get myself out there to meet people I feel like sh*t.
But like most people with SA I have to realize a lot of this is probably in my head. I just have to work at this. Ugh, why am I not excited to go out of find someone at all?! Because I think that even if I do "get" someone it will fail miserably and blow up in my face due to my own actions - thus I don't even try.


----------



## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

I rarely leave the house and when i do, i never initiate a contact with girls. I have a feeling they can see right thru me, that i dont have any confidence and that i am anxious about my looks and everything. Even if i did approach a girl, i wouldnt know what to say. I can hardly imagine a girl would take ineterest in my boring life. My SA is quite severe, so i feel like i dont have anything to offer, other than my issues. I realise i would have to be extremly lucky to have a relationship. Even despite this fact, i still daydream about having a nice gf one day... You could call it self-torture.


----------

