# Do you feel lonely and out of place on SAS?



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

A long time ago now, I said in a thread something like I didn't really uh... Not sure how to word it... Basically I keep myself at a distance emotionally (because I don't know how to just sort of be around other people really) and another user said they could see that from my posts (that I don't really connect with people.) So I guess it's obvious even here.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Not usually. Offline, I'm constantly surrounded by extroverts, and introverts who still have great social skills. Although a lot of people on here only have mild SA or just struggle with obtaining sex/relationships, I feel like I fit in here a bit more. I'm not lonely here because I don't expect anyone to talk to me and I don't usually go out of my way to talk to others. SAS is somewhere where I can vent or waste time and not feel like everyone thinks I'm a freak or worthless.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

emotionally I'm on a desert island, that's not even on a map


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Well at least as far as this place you're pretty much a staple member, if you ever got banned this place would be in an uproar. It doesn't matter that you're not a social butterfly on the site, I think most people still enjoy the presence that you provide. Btw I know you're not fishing for kind words.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Yeah. I feel that way everywhere.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Yes


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## ByMyself19 (Feb 5, 2014)

Yes I feel so lonely even here in SAS.So basically I can't fit into anywhere either. pretty much every person here seem to have their own lives.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

I remember telling you something like that once. But to my mind, I've always thought it was a conscious choice on your part (out of insecurities or anxiety or fears) to not form connections with other people, and not an intrinsic inability to do so. I think you're very capable of forming real, valuable connections here and elsewhere.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

Well yes I do feel out of place everywhere, but less so on here as people generally do not react negatively to my odd views on life. There are a couple of people that I chat to from here but I can't say that I have found this place one for connections. That is probably more to do with me than anything else though.

PTD. If I had to do a top 5 posters on this site, you would definitely be on the list FWIIW.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

euphoria04 said:


> I remember telling you something like that once. But to my mind, I've always thought it was a conscious choice on your part (out of insecurities or anxiety or fears) to not form connections with other people, and not an intrinsic inability to do so. I think you're very capable of forming real, valuable connections here and elsewhere.


I was talking about your post yeah.  I know it was a long time ago.

Uh, I think it used to be purely intrinsic because my social ability atrophied due to experiences in my teen years, and now I often choose not to make connections for a number of reasons of which this is one (the intrinsic inability to connect is still usually there to varying extents.) When I'm with other people (with the exception of my brother and my best friend,) I feel like this kind of rigid alien thing (it's easier around my parents especially my mum, but still a little distance there that's not there with my brother.) It's hard to put into words the emotion, but it's horrible, I think maybe it's worse at some points than others but yeah.

I'm comfortable enough, SA aside, when talking about a specific subject or answering a question or something like that. But all the other stuff that makes the difference between being a friend vs an acquaintance I just feel like an alien that doesn't belong. I used to hang out with a lot of people and they really were people I saw all the time, for _years_. And we were never more than acquaintances except for with my best friend.

Anyway, I know it's probably mostly in my head. Other people certainly have commented on my peculiarities in real life and been distant, but that's most likely because of how I feel in my head and the impact it has on forming relationships for me. It's self fulfilling.

I sometimes wonder how widespread feeling out of place no matter what is among SA people, particularly if you went from being treated that way for long periods of time to not being treated that way anymore but you still exist in that headspace.. If that makes any sense.



crimeclub said:


> Well at least as far as this place you're pretty much a staple member, if you ever got banned this place would be in an uproar. It doesn't matter that you're not a social butterfly on the site, I think most people still enjoy the presence that you provide. Btw I know you're not fishing for kind words.





Dre12 said:


> Well yes I do feel out of place everywhere, but less so on here as people generally do not react negatively to my odd views on life. There are a couple of people that I chat to from here but I can't say that I have found this place one for connections. That is probably more to do with me than anything else though.
> 
> PTD. If I had to do a top 5 posters on this site, you would definitely be on the list FWIIW.


Thank you both, but like I say, it's very much about the negative feelings whether they make sense or not.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Lonely, yes. Out of place, no. It helps that I've been here longer than most people, so I don't usually feel out of place. I own this joint.

But lonely sometimes. I'm not a social person here because it's hard to talk even online. So mostly I just post inane claptrap to no one in particular. I used to talk about my feelings or some nonsense, but there are only so many times I can complain about not having a girlfriend and my pillow-hugging routine before I start repeating myself. Anyway, I became officially ineligible for love when I turned 30. 

Oh and that's the other thing - I now seem to be older than most people here, whereas I was a decent age when I first joined (26). So that means less people are able to relate to me.


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## DNightingale (Oct 12, 2014)

If everyone feels out of place then maybe the community isn't the issue, perhaps socially anxious people are just bound to feel like that regardless of anything else.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I am not sure if lonely would be the right word for it in my own case, but out of place, yes to a degree. In the fact that there are maybe 4 or 5 other regular posters who I feel are 'fairly close' to me in terms of thinking style and general opinions.. I would always consider myself to be an outsider anywhere though to some degree or other, it appears to be just how I am set up 

I am not sure how close emotionally one can actually get on a message board though


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I was talking about your post yeah.  I know it was a long time ago.
> 
> Uh, I think it used to be purely intrinsic because my social ability atrophied due to experiences in my teen years, and now I often choose not to make connections for a number of reasons of which this is one (the intrinsic inability to connect is still usually there to varying extents.) When I'm with other people (with the exception of my brother and my best friend,) I feel like this kind of rigid alien thing (it's easier around my parents especially my mum, but still a little distance there that's not there with my brother.) It's hard to put into words the emotion, but it's horrible, I think maybe it's worse at some points than others but yeah.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I don't you well enough to say what's going on or where the problem area lies for sure. But you're one of the most well liked and eminently relatable posters on the forum (as is evidenced by how many posters cite you as among their favorite members). And being relatable is half the battle in forming a connection; you're rational and level headed, you have particular interests (of which I'm sure you could find like-minded people), and you haven't allowed your seclusion to turn you bitter or misanthropic. I think it's fair to say that your personality is not the problem; probably just communication (anxiety).

From there it's a matter of challenging those fears, taking steps, having positive (and negative) experiences, growing from them and building up momentum. I do remember saying that I thought you put up the front of an impenetrable shell to people who try to get to know you, in which case you'll find yourself in the undesirable position of having to reach out to people first in order to form a connection (securing their trust that you actually _want_ to build a relationship with them, and that they are not a burden to you, which is how all but the most hardened of people will see themselves if you're aloof when they reach out to you).

So I would suggest PMing some of the people you admire or have an interest in here, if you want to make friends. And you may find yourself surprised at how receptive they are to talking with you.


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## Andras96 (Mar 28, 2014)

Yes. It doesn't matter if it's online or offline, I'm always out of place.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Hmmm

What does keeping yourself at a distance emotionally look like, in forum posts? Or what does not keeping your distance look like in forum posts? 

Not just rhetorical, I'd really like to know. I really really like some people here, and on other sites, but it's a total one-sided fascination. Other people present incredible personalities and are so kind, and I get really attached to people who respond to me frequently, idk how to express that though. And any attempts to communicate feel more to me like writing a celebrity fan mail than actually talking to a friend.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

euphoria04 said:


> I've always thought it was a conscious choice on your part (out of insecurities or anxiety or fears) to not form connections with other people, and not an intrinsic inability to do so.


The 'conscious choice' bit seems off. It's probably not an 'intrinsic inability' either, but if most people (here) had their druthers about them, they would choose to connect with others.

No one chooses to be socially anxious or debilitatingly depressed or avoidant (as in AvPD) or autistic or whatever other mental issues people here deal with that inhibit their ability to connect with other people, so it seems off to call it a 'choice' when these things keep them from connecting. They're not totally incapable either, but there is a lot of grey area (where some people are clearly 'darker' than others).


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

Just Lurking said:


> The 'conscious choice' bit seems off. It's probably not an 'intrinsic inability' either, but if most people (here) had their druthers about them, they would choose to connect with others.
> 
> No one chooses to be socially anxious or debilitatingly depressed or avoidant (as in AvPD) or autistic or whatever other mental issues people here deal with that inhibit their ability to connect with other people. They're not totally incapable either, but there is a lot of grey area (where some people are clearly 'darker' than others).


It's usually been a conscious choice (for me) to avoid contact with people who were willing to befriend me. The emotions behind the decision were malevolent (fear, anxiety), but I knew all too well that I was avoiding all the same. And all actions are essentially guided by emotions. I dressed it up as I was doing the right thing by avoiding.

She has the wits about her to make friends, she just has to let people in. That's far removed from having a lot of jaded views about others, imo. Personal accountability is huge towards improving.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

I used to, for a very long time. I guess it's the nature of the beast.


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## Donkeybutt (May 3, 2013)

Pretty much. I'm always a misfit, no matter where I am or what I do.


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## cmed (Oct 17, 2009)

I wouldn't say lonely or out of place, but I feel less like a member of the community and more like a spectator of it, but to be honest I kind of like it that way. It doesn't really bother me.

I'm sure I could be more involved if I were more proactive about it, but I don't really see a need to. I've found a happy balance in coming here once in a while to read or make an occasional post and I'd rather not get sucked into spending too much time here.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> A long time ago now, I said in a thread something like I didn't really uh... Not sure how to word it... Basically I keep myself at a distance emotionally (because I don't know how to just sort of be around other people really) and another user said they could see that from my posts (that I don't really connect with people.) So I guess it's obvious even here.


 I don't feel lonely because I'm never lonely as long as I have the internet. I have always felt out of place everywhere because.......well....I am.

I don't necessarily "connect" with people either. But it isn't that I want to and I can't. It's that I usually don't want to connect with people because I don't have much in common with them.

As SASers go, you seem pretty open, honest and so forth. The only thing I noticed about you that seemed at all unusual was that you express yourself really well and you post a lot. Maybe you connect with people more than you think you do. I know sometimes I read your posts and think "Hey. That's very good!" but I just don't say anything because I sometimes feel kind of weird just posting to say "I agree".


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> Well at least as far as this place *you're pretty much a staple member, if you ever got banned this place would be in an uproar. *It doesn't matter that you're not a social butterfly on the site, I think most people still enjoy the presence that you provide. Btw I know you're not fishing for kind words.


^

I think he said it better than I did.


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## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

I guess so. Even though I post some on here, and there are some fine posters that I enjoy reading, I wouldn't actually consider myself a part of this forum community.

Like others have mentioned, I think I'm more of a spectator that throws in comments every now and then.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Well, it IS lonely at the top. Now that I'm God I just look down at all the little people. I may be out of place. But I don't care.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

This is about the only place I don't feel that way.


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## ConfusedMuse (Jan 26, 2011)

always.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

For a long time I did feel lonely here and it was bothersome, but not anymore. I'll always feel out of place here though, being someone who isn't very social or open. And I don't care. It doesn't really weigh on me anymore. I do talk to a couple people every couple/few days/once a week. I'm becoming more and more okay with spending time on my own, and my offline life is becoming more interesting. So yeah, any issues with SAS and loneliness isn't too much of a thing.


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## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

I feel like a bystander, if anything. Not out of place, nor really lonely, but just a spectator, as much as I am in real life.


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

I feel lonely and out of place everywhere.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Nope. SAS is the closest to acceptance I ever got. Everyone here has been nothing but nice to me.


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## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

Grand said:


> I feel lonely and out of place everywhere.


That's what I was gonna say. :yes


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I mainly just feel invisible like I do everywhere else. It also doesn't help that I lurk under the invisibility setting.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Yeah... I'm really bad at replying to people though. I'm always afraid I won't keep their interest. I definitely feel lonely here. Like I'm shouting into a void because I'm bored.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Sometimes.


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## mwyatt8 (Dec 6, 2014)

I've already come to the realization that I will always be alone, talking to myself, and providing myself with my own company. I'm use to it - I expect it - I accept it. I waste time on this site talking to myself, mostly. 
Talking into the void of nothing-ness that is that internet. 
Meh. It beats talking to myself all the time.


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

Yeah, sometimes, but I generally feel that way everywhere. I have my good days and my not-so-good ones.


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## Teflondon (Dec 5, 2014)

No, I'd been a member on another anxiety forum for years, so I knew what to expect. Slightly more trollage and petty baiting than I anticipated though.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

I'll always be invisible offline and online. I should dress up like a hobbit and wear a ring sometime.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

I feel out of place on the entire internet now. 

Probably a sign that it's time to disconnect but what is the alternative? I sure as h*** don't fit in to my local community.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Yes, just sort of feel detached from the forum, not very involved. I think it's true for most of the internet though. It makes me want to focus on actually doing something irl to earn money. I also wanna meet people and make a few friends. I just don't know how though.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

I don't really feel lonely anymore, but I might not be able to recognise normal/mild feelings anymore because my loneliness over the past few years was extreme and I associate loneliness with physical symptoms and rumination, neither of which I have at the moment.

I think a lot of people here are just on the edge of everything... not really talking to anyone or getting involved. So I don't feel out of place for not being particularly involved in things. I do feel depressed about it though.

I would like to connect with more people on here but I don't know how to talk, really. I never know if anything I say is acceptable. It seems like everyone is speaking an unfamiliar language and I'm using google translate to try to communicate; I know what I mean but I don't know how to word anything or how it is coming across. I don't even understand how so many people here write paragraphs. I feel like I need some kind of template or formula to follow. I just don't get how to speak and feel like anyone reading this could see that. I used to have a general feeling when I posted that anyone reading it would be like, "Why is _she_ posting here? This is for _us_." Now I just try to distance myself from the idea that anyone reads any of this and I pretend I am just talking to my future self, unless I am talking directly to a user. When I think about the alternative I feel that anyone on here with an opinion of me would despise and/or be disgusted by me.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

If you let me come and dip you, you won't feel so lonely anymore.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Nah. I feel pretty in line with most of the users on this forum. It definitely comforts me having ya'll in my life.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

I think a lot of people equate feeling accepted on SAS to receiving direct attention (quotes, messages, mentions, etc.). It's not entirely true though. I've formed positive (and occasionally negative) opinions of posters without any interaction at all. In fact, some of the poster I enjoy reading about the most are people who I've never interacted with outside of threads. I'm sure everyone else has done the same. We're all in the same boat here, and therefor most of us are accepting of each other, even if we are unable to let others know we feel this way about them.

I don't really feel either in place or out of place on SAS. I just kind of feel like I'm here. I have a few people who I communicate with from the forum and that is enough for me.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Fruitcake said:


> I used to have a general feeling when I posted that anyone reading it would be like, "Why is _she_ posting here? This is for _us_." Now I just try to distance myself from the idea that anyone reads any of this and I pretend I am just talking to my future self, unless I am talking directly to a user.


I had this problem too, around the time that I started to become comfortable with the forum. When I first joined I didn't really care about what I posted, but as I developed a bit of familiarity with SAS, and other posters, I started to become increasingly more self-conscious about what I posted. I basically do the same thing as you and pretend that I'm posting to myself and that no one else will read it. It helps I s'pose.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Cam1 said:


> *I think a lot of people equate feeling accepted on SAS to receiving direct attention (quotes, messages, mentions, etc.). It's not entirely true though. I've formed positive (and occasionally negative) opinions of posters without any interaction at all. In fact, some of the poster I enjoy reading about the most are people who I've never interacted with outside of threads.* I'm sure everyone else has done the same. We're all in the same boat here, and therefor most of us are accepting of each other, even if we are unable to let others know we feel this way about them.
> 
> I don't really feel either in place or out of place on SAS. I just kind of feel like I'm here. I have a few people who I communicate with from the forum and that is enough for me.


I agree. Most people I appreciate on SAS are people I've never spoken to, and who _seem_ to not have many friends who they talk to on the regular, either. I just like their posts on the forums, but I don't _tell_ them that, usually.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

If I really thought about it, yes, I'm pretty invisible, but I really don't care. If it starts turning me into a sour mood, that usually just means that it's time to do something else with my time. I never intended to be Mr. Popular when I joined.

I think probably that most older peeps like meself probably feel this way since I think the place is mostly young whipper-snaps. Shrug.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Evo1114 said:


> If I really thought about it, yes, I'm pretty invisible, but I really don't care.


I've seen some threads about this subject on sas before and I notice people say they feel invisible in them. I think we notice each other here on this forum quite a lot, but don't really make it known to the person. Just follow their posts and participate in the same threads as them.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I definitely do get this vibe that people overlook what I say or treat me differently than most other users here. Not just here but on pretty much any community on the Internet. I can talk myself out of believing such a thing, but the feeling never goes away. I suppose that's why I'm here in the first place.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I don’t like a lot of people on here, so it doesn't matter to me. In contrast, there are few people I actually dislike in real life, and I feel out of place at times compared to people my age, but I get along with them and have friends so it doesn't really bother me.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

If people in general on here were more likeable, I'd imagine they wouldn't make much use of forums like this.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

This place feels right to me. I feel okay here, like i fit in and there are other people on here that are similar to me so no!


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## PhilipJFry (Jan 24, 2012)

I feel alone or out of place pretty much everywhere. Just less so here.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I feel like we're all so different that we find commonality difficult. If only we were really clones, then I'd ________.

Great personalities on here, though, I tell ya. Some of the best, because they're likely hidden in real life due to anxiety.


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## waldorfs (Feb 18, 2013)

Yes and no. I do feel kind of like I just float around here, alone. But I'm not really looking for anything here either. It's just the only place where I can post exactly what I am thinking, so I don't mind. I suppose my posts are things I would write in a journal if I did that kind of thing. I don't think anyone will offer me advice that I'll take, I just like putting my thoughts out there and feeling heard.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Yes, very ¿como no? I think it's a combination of people posting plus lurkers plus very shy people that creates this common perception of being alone. I admit, sometimes I'll read a post and in my head, have some sort of response to it, but I won't say anything. It's weird, but it happens and since shy people don't necessarily reach out as much, it can seem like no one is paying attention when they sort of are.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

I was in a SA group on myspace and met lots of people who I am still friends with today. Not sure what it is about SAS, but I've made 0 friends on this site.


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## Cyzygy (Feb 21, 2011)

Yea, but it's my fault mostly. Haven't reached out to anyone and made any connection.


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## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

Yeah, I feel out of place here sometimes. I try to reach out to some people, but its only for a very brief period, which is understandable, since I really don't have much to say.


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

Alot of people here made a great point, that some people here equate being lonely or not accepted to do the lack of direct contact. Also, many others here have expressed how much they like certain posters but never contact them directly. There are quite a few people on here that I quietly admire from a distance and would love to talk to but I figure not everyone is open to have direct contact... there are alot of users that are content with the occasional interaction in threads and reading certain users posts and I understand that although I'll have to admit the few times that I have reached out to people whether via visitor message, PM or friend request and have been ignored makes me feel a bit ****ty. I try not to take it personal.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I voted "no", but my standards are pretty low. 

I definitely don't feel out of place here. I can relate to other members and don't feel that the atmosphere is hostile or anything.

I come here mainly to get a peep into other people's heads and don't expect to find lifelong friends (not that it wouldn't be nice). 

I almost never interact with other members, especially lately, and I seem to be nearly immune to feelings of loneliness.


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## brothersport (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, but that's pretty much everywhere I go, on this forum, or otherwise.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I feel out of place in my own body, everywhere else is a given. I think if I did fit in somewhere, it would just feel weird and I'd find a reason to leave. :lol

It'd be nice if people stopped telling me that they don't think I have SA, though. I can't even SAD properly.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't feel lonely here, though real life is a different story. Don't really feel out of place, actually the opposite. I often read posts from people describing scenarios and feelings that I can really identify with. I don't know anyone in real life that has SA or that is even really introverted or shy. Most people around me seem extroverted to some degree.

I've met some really nice, cool people here too. We can identify with each others struggles or just shoot the breeze.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Yeah, but I feel that way no matter where I am.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

I get annoyed with the Social Enforcers of the forum. They're the types who go around with their sense of social justice, always on the look out for social trespassers. How should you express your misery? Are you qualified, in their view, to express certain opinions? "OMG. You did not just say that." Let the shaming begin.

Social Enforcers of SAS, unite. There are people to shame. There are social trespasses to rectify. We must enforce a norm for respectful behavior, but only when it suits us. Disrespectful behavior is encouraged otherwise.

SAS: A forum of hypocrisy and twisted social dynamics. Let us laugh. Yes, let us give a hearty laugh at the amusing nature of SAS.

HA HA HA

No. Not good enough. Laughing needs to be done in the correct way. Just like social enforcement need to be done in the correct way. Laughing at it probably needs to be done in the correct way also.






For shame...


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Esteban said:


> I get annoyed with the Social Enforcers of the forum. They're the types who go around with their sense of social justice, always on the look out for social trespassers. How should you express your misery? Are you qualified, in their view, to express certain opinions? "OMG. You did not just say that." Let the shaming begin.
> 
> Social Enforcers of SAS, unite. There are people to shame. There are social trespasses to rectify. We must enforce a norm for respectful behavior, but only when it suits us. Disrespectful behavior is encouraged otherwise.
> 
> ...


Did you just shame shaming? Shame.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> Did you just shame shaming? Shame.


Oh, bring on the shame. Shame on me for my meta-shaming. Like I said, for shame . . .


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

How high can the meta go, I wonder? A regression of shame. Shame on me for shaming my meta-shaming that shamed the shaming of SAS. 

It's just all so shameful.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

I really feel like we're missing a social mechanism for social shaming. Shame meeting shame just doesn't seem adequate. Just shame. Who can win the other people over to enhance the shaming. It just seems like a giant game subjectivity with little basis in anything objective. Who can win the hearts and minds of the people to direct their social mechanisms in the desired direction.

Humans are so weird.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Esteban said:


> Oh, bring on the shame. Shame on me for my meta-shaming. Like I said, for shame . . .


You're a hypercritical, hypocritical hypocrite critic and you're very misguided if you think it's okay to come onto a forum and immediately start advertising your dip everywhere while shaming your target market.



Esteban said:


> I really feel like we're missing a social mechanism for social shaming. Shame meeting shame just doesn't seem adequate. Just shame. Who can win the other people over to enhance the shaming. It just seems like a giant game subjectivity with little basis in anything objective. Who can win the hearts and minds of the people to direct their social mechanisms in the desired direction.
> 
> Humans are so weird.


It's more about the number of people doing the shaming isn't it? And their loudness. But can you quit making so many off-topic posts and get back to the point? Do you do custom orders? I am looking for a seafood dip but without the seafood. How much to ship your dip to nz?


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> You're a hypercritical, hypocritical hypocrite critic and you're very misguided if you think it's okay to come onto a forum and immediately start advertising your dip everywhere while shaming your target market.
> 
> It's more about the number of people doing the shaming isn't it? And their loudness. But can you quit making so many off-topic posts and get back to the point? Do you do custom orders? I am looking for a seafood dip but without the seafood. How much to ship your dip to nz?


I just need to learn to direct the people's social enforcement mechanisms in the direction of my will, so that they can shame people who do not love the Dip. It's all part of a broader plan to bring my love of Dip to the people.

Yes, I deliver to NZ. And, for you, Fruitcake, I'll do it Chipendale's style. What color bow tie do you prefer?


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Esteban said:


> I just need to learn to direct the people's social enforcement mechanisms in the direction of my will, so that they can shame people who do not love the Dip. It's all part of a broader plan to bring my love of Dip to the people.
> 
> Yes, I deliver to NZ. And, for you, Fruitcake, I'll do it Chipendale's style. What color bow tie do you prefer?


You're already doing a pretty good job apart from all the irrelevant namby-pamby. I don't know what Chipendale's is but it sounds yummy. Pink please.


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## Fat Man (Nov 28, 2013)

I've been feeling like this for quite sometime now. I feel as though nobody likes me. But at the same time, how could I blame them. I post stupid stuff and strike up unmeaningful conversations that only last two days or three.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I feel almost invisible on forums in general, with hardly anyone ever replying. SAS moreso, though I suppose the SA has something to do with that. I don't think I see a forum the same way most people do, it's more like a board you stick notices on than a community of people you see all the time. Again, maybe because I rarely speak to anyone 1-on-1 and it's just not my thing to take it to private.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> You're already doing a pretty good job apart from all the irrelevant namby-pamby. I don't know what Chipendale's is but it sounds yummy. Pink please.


Social enforcement mechanisms are obviously relevant to a thread on alienation.

This is what perplexes me about the social enforcement mechanism of shaming. I mean, people shamed Elliot Rodger, but it had no positive effect.

Social enforcement mechanisms are haphazard, especially when dealing with those with mental health issues. Hence, my comical observation in my original post.

I realize we're just kidding here, but I needed to make that clear.

And, yes, I'll take pink to demonstrate how namby-pampy I am.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Esteban said:


> Oh, bring on the shame. Shame on me for my meta-shaming. Like I said, for shame . . .


I'm not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed your shameless shame shaming.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Yes, but there have been some users who have been nice to me  . Usually feel like I don't fit in though and that most of my posts are pointless.


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## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Yes, everyone here just seems so normal compared to me. They always seem to have something I don’t, like a good education, ability to form relationships, ability to have at least a few friends, able to cope in a job ect. I think a problem with these forums is that they are too dominated by people with moderate to low SA, with people with severe SA too worried or not able to post and be involved. I have no idea how to rectify this though. Its soooooooooo hard to make friends on here too. And a minority of guys on here can be a bit odd.


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## iingridd (Jun 1, 2009)

I kill time here. I hate Facebook and I'm not into social sites big crowds like to be part of. That's me. I stay away from the crowd. 

I vent and express myself here without reservations most times. I don't feel judge or criticize here. I might be. Who knows? I don't feel it thought in contrast to the outside world.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

not lonely just bored

out of place, yes

tbh i dont care for most of the younger guys on here and its pretty much a young mans pitiful penis party up in here but overall everyone is pretty cool i guess


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Being here such a long time, I've come to realize that you'll never make true friends here and that wanting to be accepted is inane.


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## EndlessBlu (Mar 7, 2012)

I think I'd feel lonely and out of place everywhere honestly.


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## LydeaCharlotteGirl (Aug 27, 2013)

I just post and don't think about it much, but suppose it is lonely really. Don't know how easy it is to make true friends here, but many SA people certainly did on SAUK. 
Partly because of gatherings, but not entirely. I did'nt really even try to properly befriend most people though, for various reasons.


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## joked35 (Oct 13, 2013)

The only person I enjoyed talking to got perma banned, and I don't even know how to contact them anymore. Just my luck. :doh


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I guess I've only felt this way since about August time. It's just a bit of a bummer to know that so many people here are able to make connections, and talk to people by pm frequently or on skype or whatever and that my issues are so great that they negatively effect literally every area of my life - even online and that it's not even just SA. So, while many people here have issues getting to know people in real life they can talk to people or whatever online but I can't.
> 
> It's not like some people haven't tried though, and I'm not discounting that at all. There are many people on this site who have probably never recieved a vm/pm from anyone, I'm not complaining about that it is 100% my fault. All I'm saying is that I'm just that ****ed up a person, for various reasons. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and that does suck. If anything I feel like the more time passes, the worse I get.
> *
> ...


This paragraph made me feel very sad  Why would anyone write that.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Paper Samurai said:


> This paragraph made me feel very sad  Why would anyone write that.


Well it wasn't uncalled for. I got really annoyed at some posts he made in a thread but I can't remember what they were now because it's been a while, but it was something to do with sex and rape as that was the general theme of the thread . The thread got locked before I could respond and I was really annoyed so I sent a pm telling him that I thought his posts were really off topic (because they were) and that he seemed like a disgusting Human being. He responded at the time, and then responded weeks later again saying that disgusting is a pretty subjective word, that he thinks I'm one of the most disgusting people on this site and that if he were me he'd have killed himself a long time ago. Then he ranted a bit more about some stuff.

I felt pretty bad about calling him disgusting, like I should have said his posts were disgusting instead... But I guess we were even after that.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Well it wasn't uncalled for. I got really annoyed at some posts he made in a thread but I can't remember what they were now because it's been a while, but it was something to do with sex and rape as that was the general theme of the thread . The thread got locked before I could respond and I was really annoyed so I sent a pm telling him that I thought his posts were really off topic (because they were) and that he seemed like a disgusting Human being. He responded at the time, and then responded weeks later again saying that disgusting is a pretty subjective word, that he thinks I'm one of the most disgusting people on this site and that if he were me he'd have killed himself a long time ago. Then he ranted a bit more about some stuff.
> 
> I felt pretty bad about calling him disgusting, like I should have said his posts were disgusting instead... But I guess we were even after that.


WTF! Is he still here or has he been banned?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> WTF! Is he still here or has he been banned?


He was perma banned not long after that, and I didn't report him, so I worry about what he may have said to someone innocent tbh for that to happen. He was never particularly active at least in the last couple of years I've been here either, which is the only reason I'm talking about this.

I shouldn't have brought it up anyway, I just post a lot without thinking/censoring myself (as you can see.) I should probably write out every post I plan to make here in notepad and leave it a few hours.


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## herk (Dec 10, 2012)

i don't feel much of an urge to get to know people here anymore, i think i kind of did at first, but i'm just too withdrawn and introverted/ashamed at how awkward and boring i am. i'm not sure i want people to get to know me, because there isn't anything worth knowing, and also i'm just too ashamed of certain things about myself to share with people. this was depressing to type out.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i think its because on a site like this you'd expect something, when in fact you shouldn't, the fact is that people are people, same everywhere


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## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

^ exactly. I keep painting this unrealistic image of making a plethora of friends on here when in reality everyone is just trying to get by. 
I really need to get over myself z.z


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## Melodic (Apr 16, 2009)

I definitely feel out of place here, but I think it's mainly because I'm so paranoid about posting, being judged, or being recognised by someone IRL so I delete a lot of posts and/or don't post much so I go by invisible. I don't expect people to come knocking at my door if I am not doing anything to get noticed. I guess if I was posting a lot or posting pictures or videos up of me then I would be disappointed if I got ignored, so I don't take the risk at all.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I have to say, while I don't feel lonely, the response ratio to my posts here feels frustratingly low. I know I usually talk about my reactions to stuff but I'm pretty sure I reply more than I get replies. Well, I guess it makes sense since I'm on a SA forum while not having any SA myself in forum posting.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

yes. i don't fit in anywhere, so why would i fit in here


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

Very much so.

I'm so lonely, I'm Mrs. Lonely, I got nobody by my side.... Lol.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

if sas was a school cafeteria I would sit by myself.

but sometimes I would laugh alone like a weirdo at some of the conversations taking place.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Everyone fits in here, unless you are mean* and *don't have SA, although admittedly those without SA and who have lives depress me. I think the Internet has a limited capacity for dealing with loneliness.

I hope no one feels lonely.


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## Unknown0001 (Aug 2, 2013)

Never fit anywhere. SAS doesn't change that.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

idk, i would say i've made a small handful of 'friends' on here,,folks with whom correspondence isn't predicated on courtesy calls or other expectations of reciprocity.
for some reason i feel distinctly alienated by and disdainful of the rampantly pedestrian display of wit, logic, and commom sense from the vast majority on here. i feel a strange affinity for those who make outrageous and/or acerbic remarks. but at the same time something prevents me from reaching out to them, so i guess i feel out of place amongst the out-of-placers, and that's comforting in some weird nonsensical way that i can't even explain.

so, in summary, again, idk.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I feel strange about SAS. When I first started I did more one on one, and yet always felt like I didn't belong. Then I moved more to blogging. Lately I've done more forum commenting then I ever did before. And yet I still don't feel like I belong. I think it's a personality thing.


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## QuietEmerald (Sep 26, 2014)

Hm. I feel like I am partially belonging but another part of me feels like I am out of place. I think it just has to do with that I don't really talk to people on this site as much since I am nervous. lol.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

Yes to both. Even if we share some common experiences, it's hard to connect with people. Even when I feel I can relate to someone, I can't bring myself to engage a conversation or send a pm, so it stays a distant thing.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I feel like I belong to a different world.


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## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

A little bit. I think almost everyone else here can do a lot of things I can't do.

As well as that, I have noticed that a lot of people here have depression, and I feel like I'm too happy to be here.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

nope, i dont feel anything when im on here.


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## Genos (Dec 17, 2014)

old thread but i feel the same way as op has described


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## liv490 (Jun 1, 2015)

Not sure. I feel like on SAS I'm surrounded by a lot of people who feel the same way I do, but I regardless find it difficult to post any comments or replies, worried that someone might have a problem with something I should say, or contradict me - basically that I might say the wrong thing, because it's a lot harder to gauge reactions over a computer screen.
At least you get a bit of broader perspective being on here. I've seen some people who look like they have themselves a bit more together than I do, but I've also seen people who have it a lot worse.
In any case, I do reckon there's a bit of togetherness in all being lonely the same way in the same place


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

No, I have a LOT of friends here.

Like a lot.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Yes, I feel out of place. No one seems to care when I talk, but that's fine. It's like me to be out place with people who are also out of place. I can never win.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Crisigv said:


> Yes, I feel out of place. No one seems to care when I talk, but that's fine. It's like me to be out place with people who are also out of place. I can never win.


Are you expecting too much from this place?


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

rdrr said:


> Are you expecting too much from this place?


Maybe. I didn't think I did, though. I guess I am just desperate for some real friends. I know that no one in person will ever understand me.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Crisigv said:


> Maybe. I didn't think I did, though. I guess I am just desperate for some real friends. I know that no one in person will ever understand me.


What do you want them to understand about you, at least the people on SAS?


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

rdrr said:


> What do you want them to understand about you, at least the people on SAS?


There's nothing I want the people on SAS to understand. I can't make myself fit in here, and it makes me sad. It's the people in real life that won't understand my SA. The one person I tried to explain it to just asked me if I was anti-social. So there's no point in trying.


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## liv490 (Jun 1, 2015)

Crisigv said:


> There's nothing I want the people on SAS to understand. I can't make myself fit in here, and it makes me sad. It's the people in real life that won't understand my SA. The one person I tried to explain it to just asked me if I was anti-social. So there's no point in trying.


People do care when you talk. Perhaps you just don't notice? 
And there is always a point in trying. You just have to keep trying til you find it. There is unlikely to be a single person who will ever understand you perfectly and completely, for anybody, but if you talk to enough nice people you'll find different people who connect with the different aspects of you. 
It's hard with SA but it's ok, you WILL get through it and be happy


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

liv490 said:


> People do care when you talk. Perhaps you just don't notice?
> And there is always a point in trying. You just have to keep trying til you find it. There is unlikely to be a single person who will ever understand you perfectly and completely, for anybody, but if you talk to enough nice people you'll find different people who connect with the different aspects of you.
> It's hard with SA but it's ok, you WILL get through it and be happy


yeah maybe. Thanks


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## Retrograde Movement (May 31, 2015)

On every forum. Yet hope springs eternal (or idiocy dies hard) so that I think somehow I'll feel some kind of connection. It's a strange compulsion to continue to post even when you never utter a single thing that is amusing, friendly, informative, and so on. I guess I see others doing so, and want to participate, even though I lack the capacity.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

no. not really. i mostly felt comfortable here.

I can express my opinion and unmount here.... i get quoted, I get PM's. I have made some more friends here I contact in other ways apart from SAS.. so I am ''kinda'' glad I joined here. you find people understand how you may be feeling.

plus, it is part of my Internet routine now.


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## typemismatch (May 30, 2012)

yes. extremely. i'm way over here ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> .

and other people are here > .. ,.. ., ...


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Sometimes.


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## pantonals (Oct 9, 2014)

Most of the time, yeah, because I feel like I'm just talking to myself. But I'm trying to be more active and talk to more people on here to get rid of that bad feeling.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Sometimes.


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## 58318 (Jul 15, 2011)

So many people on here are just bizarre, I assume they are just troll accounts, I mean you cant be that dumb surely.


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

I feel alone and out of place pretty much everywhere, including SAS.


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## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

Does anyone else feel like they said something wrong and made the topic too awkward to post in, which is why popular topics go longer than usual without being posted in once you have?


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## Retrograde Movement (May 31, 2015)

Silent Memory said:


> Does anyone else feel like they said something wrong and made the topic too awkward to post in, which is why popular topics go longer than usual without being posted in once you have?


Yeah all the time. I remember a funny troll on another forum made a post titled "The Thread Killer". That phrase always pops into my mind when I've posted and then all replies cease.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Silent Memory said:


> Does anyone else feel like they said something wrong and made the topic too awkward to post in, which is why popular topics go longer than usual without being posted in once you have?


Ugh.. I feel like I do that all the time it's the worst, I thought I was the only one that felt like that lol.

I have a micro-penis.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)




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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

crimeclub said:


> Ugh.. I feel like I do that all the time it's the worst, I thought I was the only one that felt like that lol.


I never noticed. :stu

It's weird when it involves only text on the screen.

Yeah - occasionally, I still do get that feeling, though.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

RadnessaurousRex said:


> quoted so you can't delete it :twisted


Noooooooo!



millenniumman75 said:


> I never noticed. :stu
> 
> It's weird when it involves only text on the screen.
> 
> Yeah - occasionally, I still do get that feeling, though.


Yeah I was jokingly trying to end the thread with my comment. Though there have been a few times where I'm pretty sure I killed a thread on accident, it happens.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

crimeclub said:


> Noooooooo!
> 
> Yeah I was jokingly trying to end the thread with my comment. Though there have been a few times where I'm pretty sure I killed a thread on accident, it happens.


Lady killer, thread killer, same thing :lol.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Isn't every social platform about being alone together with other people? Selling you this delusion that if there are other people posting/sending messages, you are not alone? Although, technically, you are still alone behind the computer screen.

I feel alone both in real life and online. The only time when I didn't feel so alone, online, was when I was using my Skype and talk every day for hours with this girl.


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## Gothic Cupcakes (Mar 24, 2015)

Sometimes. When I first joined up it was a mix of anxiety of actually signing up, and possibly feeling like I could relate which was exciting because it might also help (well, as exciting as social anxiety is), but now most of the time I feel like "meh... I joined another forum and that's it. Nothing special to me" so I kinda lost interest and life goes on, but there are times when it makes me feel a little better. Half and half really. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. Maybe one day...


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

sometimes i make some of the weirdest comments ever, its cringe-worthy when i think back on it XD


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## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Very. Would like to make more friends on here.


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