# what's your opinion on "attractive" girls with "ugly" guys?



## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

My roommate thinks my boyfriend is ugly.

She called him "jabba the hut with a sex offender beard" and "a rhinoceros" once. It made me angry. She's being shallow so I shouldn't care, but I can't help but be a little bothered by it.

I mean okay, sure, he's not conventionally attractive. Kinda overweight, receding hairline, really big guy. He's brought up with me how he thinks I'm out of his league and how he's worried by the stares we get holding hands or whatever in public.

It's so stupid though. Because -I- always thought he was cute, which should be all that matters, right? And he's such an interesting quirky intelligent weirdo who understands depression and SA, is a lot of fun to be around, and makes me feel good about myself. I know it'd only make me unhappy if I let this ruin us.

Now I feel hesitant to tell my parents about him. My family is so so so shallow. They're going to make fun of his appearance (they have done so before to my cousin's boyfriend - and he was only very slightly overweight) And I'm going to get so mad and defensive, all the while wondering if I actually lowered my standards and am wasting my ~youthful beauty~ on someone not worthy or something. which is total bull**** and I feel guilty that it even crossed my mind.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Noo don't let them effect your judgement. Caring about what others think in this situation is just 'trophyism' who gives a **** as long as you're happy? (I mean obviously tons of people around you but that's just because they've joined the 'cult' so to speak..)


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

You're right and they're wrong, I'm sure everyone here will agree with you. 

My uncle gets made fun of a lot for his fat gf. It's so weird to see my family act like that. He doesn't care though.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't notice.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Why would you be wasting your time with someone who makes you feel good about yourself?


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## In Search (Mar 1, 2012)

It sounds like you really like him . Just make your self happy don't worry about the negativity around you if they want to be that way let them be. Just aim for your Happiness.


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

my opinion is I wouldn't even go there if I didn't have a full attraction to the girl, guy, shemale, object or animal.

and I don't been that half *** attraction were it's like eh whatever there cute ill be with them just for the hell out of it i'm bored that never ends well if you feel like that end it before it gets out of hand.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I can relate with having shallow friends in the past, as well as shallow family members. Don't listen to them. I could understand if they were concerned about him hurting you in some way. But whining about his appearance? Just ignore them. I know it can be hard.


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## Chippy D (Aug 6, 2014)

Is this a self-serving post? Hahaha.


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## rainynights (Aug 23, 2014)

Stab your roommate with a fork!!! SHE SHOULDN'T EXIST.

You know how many times i've wanted to talk to a girl but felt like her friends would have rejected me and that would have caused the girl to conform. SO MANY TIMES. Actually that's the exact definition of HS relationships. A girl can't date a guy unless all of her friends have approved. It's like a sick twisted democracy. 

Conformity is a *****


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

He makes you happy and he makes you feel good about yourself. Sometimes its hard to receive judgement from other people but its a part of life and they are either going to accept or reject your boyfriend no matter what.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

That's a situation society in general 'approves of', and even encourages/celebrates (90s sit-com, fat ugly balding dude, hot wife.. makes the 18-40 male core-demo feel good). But reverse it and have a hot guy with an ugly girl? The guy will get looks as if he just got a tattoo on his forehead of Hitler with a tattoo on his forehead of Stalin. People are stupid.

And I know you're not just dealing with the collective "people", it's people close to you, but the fact remains that when you find something that makes you happy then that's all that really matters in life. Are you really ok with giving up YOUR happiness for the sake of satisfying other people's trivial and superficial expectations?


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

Thanks guys. I knew that I shouldn't have cared, but it felt really good to hear it. I definitely have found something genuine and real. **** what anyone else thinks.



Shameful said:


> My uncle gets made fun of a lot for his fat gf. It's so weird to see my family act like that. He doesn't care though.


That's what I'm scared of, but it's admirable that he doesn't care. What do you do when you see them making fun of her? I would be so uncomfortable.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

dreamloss said:


> That's what I'm scared of, but it's admirable that he doesn't care. What do you do when you see them making fun of her? I would be so uncomfortable.


Oh I don't do or say anything. Which isn't weird at all, I never talk during family dinners anyway. If I said anything I'm sure they'd just tell me to lighten up.


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

Someone who seems ugly to you doesn't seem ugly to another person. Attractiveness is all about opinion. Maybe a guy isn't what you think is attractive, but obviously he has something to offer if the girl is dating him.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Your roommate and your family are officially on my enemies list. Seriously, they suck. You should be glad you're not like them.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I never got how people can have such a problem with it.
People like that piss me off.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

It's not something I really think about at all. Most guys seem ugly to me, so I can't tell if women would find them attractive or not.

Tell your family to shove it.

Anyway, have a song:


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

You've learned a lesson that takes a lot of women years to learn! That a pretty face but an unkind heart is not worth anything NEAR a good kind man who may not be conventionally attractive but is sweet and loving! But here's the thing---if he treats you well, makes you feel good about yourself, you like spending time with him, _and_ you want to **ck him... that's a perfect match! **** your family, if they'd rather you dump this great guy than date some pretty boy who may not treat you half as well. And even if he did treat you well, you like THIS guy---no one should make you feel ashamed of that based on something as trivial as appearance.

Making a few pretty-faced mistakes might be for some women in youth, but it sounds like this desire is only growing because of their shallow influence. My mom's always told me, go for the plain guy who treats you well over the handsome face. The latter may spellbind you more, but the former is going to actually make you feel good as a person. And trust me... it's true.

I don't know how horrible it is to have people you love make you feel bad about the guy you care about based on looks, but I do know what it's like to have shallow friends who suddenly make you feel insecure about relationships or desires that you actually felt excited and happy about. I had a guy I liked and saw a couple times, but I wouldn't show my friend his photo because I knew she'd tell me he was ugly (he didn't dress stylish, he had a goofy smile, was short, etc) and though it didn't turn into anything, it made me suddenly feel gross by way of her finding him gross. But you know what? **ck her opinion, because she judges the hell out of EVERYONE she dates based on how they look, and guess what? It never works out... ever. She's gone through like 4+ this year because she feared they weren't good enough. That's no way to live a life, fearing that the person doesn't look good enough. Because if they don't LOOK a certain way, suddenly they're worth less? **ck that. Maybe the guy I liked would've turned out to be an ***hole or crazy or something---but that'd have had nothing to do with his looks. A pretty guy can treat you well, and a pretty guy can treat you poorly---but the decision on whether to date him shouldn't hinge on him being pretty. Because, tbh, plain guys are kind of where it's at (personal experience of plain guys vs. hot guys).


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

My opinion/thought is "He's a lucky guy" and then I move on with my life.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

Chippy D said:


> Is this a self-serving post? Hahaha.


Good observation. There is nothing wrong with someone having self-esteem, but it can turn to arrogance quite easily.


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## Chippy D (Aug 6, 2014)

absreim said:


> Good observation. There is nothing wrong with someone having self-esteem, but it can turn to arrogance quite easily.


↑ I was waiting for someone to notice my criticism. Self esteem boost for the op...."The attractive one". Yuck!


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## BeautifulSilence (Nov 18, 2014)

As long as you find him attractive, that's all that matters. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to worry about what others think.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

When I see these couples I think "_fat dude's got game._" Or maybe a Ferrari.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

your roommate is a snotnosed brat

i dont think most people think anything of pretty girls with unattractive guys, except for maybe guys that are jealous, but tbh guys arent as *****y or gossipy so i doubt itll affect you much in the longrun

that having been said, you should fart into her contact lens case bc pink eye sucks and she sounds like she deserves it

if this isnt doable, opt for the pillow case (barecheeked) but down a few bean cans beforehand to really get the wind storms going


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

Its kind of impossible for sa people, but from the sa perspective in see two solutions. One is to not give a **** what people think, and every day I wish I could do that

The other solution is to not share that part of your life with people if they're going to be judgmental. Its not out of embarrassment, its out of not dealing with peoples bs. If they're going to be mean, then they won't meet my s.o./friend since I wouldn't want to subject them to it. 

Not much goes through my mind when I see others, and I can't even think of a time I saw one person as attractive and the other as not. But I do get your bf's worries. The thought of someone settling for you because of being close on a mental level and "dealing" with the physical side can be something that eats at you. But thats not on you to fix because it doesn't matter what level of encouragement there is, it can still be on your mind. That's something he has to sort out and be comfortable with


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

I only date 10s so I never had that problem:b.........but if anyone did then they can go **** themselves is my attitude. I don't put any weight on those type of comments.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

If you're happy in the relationship, stay happy. The commentators will eventually move on to other things.


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

Thanks again to everyone. Your responses really made me feel more confident about this relationship.

And I wanted to clarify that I personally find him really cute. I don't think he's ugly at all. So I am definitely not settling for the emotional bond or anything. Probably because he has that hyper-masculine dominant attitude that's super hot to me. >_> heh.



Chippy D said:


> ↑ I was waiting for someone to notice my criticism. Self esteem boost for the op...."The attractive one". Yuck!


Um okay, well sorry it came off that way. But I don't get how this can possibly be considered a self esteem boost. I did not get a single compliment on my looks as a result of this post. I put "attractive" in brackets to show that I'm using the word tentatively. I'm not sure how else I could have described my situation without using those words.



orsomething said:


> that having been said, you should fart into her contact lens case bc pink eye sucks and she sounds like she deserves it
> 
> if this isnt doable, opt for the pillow case (barecheeked) but down a few bean cans beforehand to really get the wind storms going


LOL. tempting.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Money. A lot of guys are aware that women only use them for their money and it doesn't bother them? As long as they have a hot chick to **** right? This makes me want to vomit. Guy doesn't have game. I would never go out with an ugly woman no matter how much money she has.


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## shycat69 (Nov 16, 2014)

As long as both people are happy with the other then what does looks have to do with it.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Tell that b not to talk about your man like that lol


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Chippy D said:


> ↑ I was waiting for someone to notice my criticism. Self esteem boost for the op...."The attractive one". Yuck!


I see nothing in the OP's post that suggests she has an inflated view of herself due to her appearance. Also it's the boyfriend who brought up the issue to her, rather than the other way around.

In an ideal world, OP, you would probably be able to talk to your roommate/family about their hurtful remarks, but I get the feeling that they're not the type of people who will listen anyway (or else they probably wouldn't have made those remarks in the first place). I think the only thing left to do here is to cultivate a lion's heart and brush aside their petty judgements like the emotional dandruff that they are.

*cue dramatic, motivational music*


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## Chippy D (Aug 6, 2014)

bad baby said:


> I see nothing in the OP's post that suggests she has an inflated view of herself due to her appearance. Also it's the boyfriend who brought up the issue to her, rather than the other way around.


She set the bar so she is in the attractive category...
I'll admit...I might have read into it too much. The wording of the thread threw me off.
The roommate brought it up first. Then, like any guy with low self-esteem wonders why an "attractive" girl would date him.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Chippy D said:


> She set the bar so she is in the attractive category...
> I'll admit...I might have read into it too much. The wording of the thread threw me off.
> The roommate brought it up first. Then, like any guy with low self-esteem wonders why an "attractive" girl would date him.


Well, generally our society socializes girls to be aware of their beauty. Any attractive girl would've had surely had her share of male (and to a lesser extent female) acquaintances/admirers paying compliments on her looks from the moment she hits adolescence. I mean, sure, it's possible that she may disagree with their views. But she would have to be pretty deep in denial to be completely _unaware_ of the public consensus on her attractiveness.

Sometimes I feel like we tell pretty girls that they are pretty, and then turn around and beat them over the head when they begin to show signs of internalizing our compliments. (Just sometimes, though.)

Anyway, massive tangent aside lol, I guess the OP can reassure her boyfriend to some extent that she's not going dump him for the next Ryan Gosling-lookalike that comes her way, but ultimately these are _his_ insecurities and only _he_ can deal with them.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

I don't care. I feel no need to police other people and make sure they stick with their "own kind" or whatever other BS.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

If he makes you feel good stay with him. I'm talking with someone that is 12 yrs. older than me, but it doesn't matter to me. I am comfortable with her and it gives me hope inside my weak little heart.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

The girls need to stop settling for less than what they want.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> The girls need to stop settling for less than what they want.


How do you know what they want?


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> How do you know what they want?


Most of the time this is the case for guys or girls


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> Most of the time this is the case for guys or girls


What is?


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> What is?


That they are settling for less if their bf or gf is less attractive than them.


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## jeanny (Apr 17, 2014)

jsmith92 said:


> That they are settling for less if their bf or gf is less attractive than them.


How is that settling if they're attracted to them and happy with them?


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> That they are settling for less if their bf or gf is less attractive than them.


How do you know what is attractive to them?

And how are you judging the attractiveness of each person if not with your own subjective idea of what is and isn't attractive?

Is it possible that what you would want for yourself and what others might want for themselves could be different?


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't care.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

I don't even think it's possible for anyone to be ugly, actually it's impossible. Who someone may call ugly and think is ugly, another will without a doubt find attractive. It's all about preference and everyone has a different one, just like opinions and that's exactly what being with someone is all about. There really is somebody for everyone out there they just have to know and be willing to look, and don't worry about what people may think, if he makes you happy like no one else can then embrace it and don't let the judgement of others decide you're happiness.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> How do you know what is attractive to them?
> 
> And how are you judging the attractiveness of each person if not with your own subjective idea of what is and isn't attractive?
> 
> Is it possible that what you would want for yourself and what others might want for themselves could be different?


Being pretty good looking myself I just have a pretty good sense of who is attractive and who isn't.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

Is this not related to this 'men are only as faithful as their options' thread? In that women go for a less attractive mate as they feel the inherent nature of men is to look to 'trade up'? If the female is of a higher attractiveness level to the male then he is less likely to want to, or indeed be able to, 'trade up'.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

I usually think that the guy has money or the girl has low self esteem.


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