# Successfully shy



## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

We are never going to be a bunch of social butterflies...that is, unless some of you want that....because of course you can do anything you set your mind to. I can't speak for all of us, but I definitely don't want to be the center of attention. However, it is very much in our reach to become successfully shy. Don't let the name disorder scare you, I have found that a lot of people have let this word further their emotional pain. It really depresses me to hear a lot of people say things like "I am not normal" or "I used to think I was just shy, but then I learned I have this disorder..." It doesn't make us freaks, and it is extreme shyness. But if you think of shyness as a trait that has a long scale...you can learn to move along toward the other side of the scale. I find that this helps me, because I do know how to be successfully shy. Another tip that works for me is when you are talking to someone, or if someone is talking to you, if you just listen with a slight smile the whole time, you will get a really good reaction from the other person. Whenever I do this, I seem to get compliments about how nice I am, or a good listener etc...it's nice to get good feedback and it allows me to grow socially. I hope some of this helps you.


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## rusalka (Jan 12, 2004)

Thanks Jess. I'll practice listening with a slight smile tomorrow...usually I just stare at the person with a visible tension..which makes them uncomfortable too...it's a lose/lose situation. Anyway thanks


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## 13a13i_an9el (Dec 3, 2004)

Ya, that's very true. I'm actually pretty proud of my disorder, it makes me feel special


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## shiznit (Nov 21, 2004)

13a13i_an9el said:


> I'm actually pretty proud of my disorder, it makes me feel special


 :agree That is really cool to hear another say they are proud of their SA. We can't let it stop of from living an uncomfortable life. A girl at work asked me "Why are you so quiet?", and I just told her strait out that I have SA. It worked out really well because now she just smiles and leaves me be when we cross paths.


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

SA can definitely make an interesting story, that's for sure.


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## gravity james (Nov 3, 2004)

i have told lots of people about my SA and i feel more comfortable around them. Its almost like i feel they know who i am, and i dont have to worry about what they think anymore.


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

> A girl at work asked me "Why are you so quiet?", and I just told her strait out that I have SA.


Great! It takes courage to admit that to others. :banana


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## Sweetangel (Jan 12, 2005)

Jess said:


> We are never going to be a bunch of social butterflies...that is, unless some of you want that....because of course you can do anything you set your mind to. I can't speak for all of us, but I definitely don't want to be the center of attention. However, it is very much in our reach to become successfully shy. Don't let the name disorder scare you, I have found that a lot of people have let this word further their emotional pain. It really depresses me to hear a lot of people say things like "I am not normal" or "I used to think I was just shy, but then I learned I have this disorder..." It doesn't make us freaks, and it is extreme shyness. But if you think of shyness as a trait that has a long scale...you can learn to move along toward the other side of the scale. I find that this helps me, because I do know how to be successfully shy. Another tip that works for me is when you are talking to someone, or if someone is talking to you, if you just listen with a slight smile the whole time, you will get a really good reaction from the other person. Whenever I do this, I seem to get compliments about how nice I am, or a good listener etc...it's nice to get good feedback and it allows me to grow socially. I hope some of this helps you.


yeah i heard face expressions matter most.
sometimes i wish i was center of attention and sometimes (outside of school) i am but around 4 5 people max just people i'm comfortable around, if i'm very quiet for a long time i start feeling depressed i hate shutting up hate it hate it but when it happens its in school.. then beside my friends on the bus i explode and laugh too much until they say i'm high talk a lot, tell jokes and loosen up i mean usually i act normal but if i keep quiet all day i have to let it out or i become depressed.


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## loridee (Feb 1, 2005)

successfully shy? cool 

Heh, I have a response to the age old question "why are you so quiet?" 

"Why do you have brown hair?"

The point is that people are different, and shyness could be an inherited trait, as is hair color. It gets people thinking and hopefully they'll realize how condescending they sound.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Jess,

I'll remember that. A little smile goes a long way!

millenniumman75


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## noants (Feb 18, 2004)

Jess,
Thank you for these words of wisdom. I have come to the conclusion that some of what I thought was social anxiety is just introversion. I simply prefer to be alone alot of the time. I think we have to accept ourselves as we are before we can do anything. The old me used to think something was wrong with me if I didn't want to socialize alot. Now, if I don't feel like socializing, I don't worry about it. 

That's not to say that I don't experience some social anxiety in certain situations. But even then I try to realize that it's no big deal, I'm naturally quiet. I find that since I have changed my thinking this way, I can relax and just be me.

I like the concept of being successfully shy. Thanks for putting it out there.


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## kiwi_44 (Feb 18, 2005)

They say the nicest people are those with SA. We have a lot to offer to the world, even if it's not always on the frontlines.


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## gravity james (Nov 3, 2004)

kiwi i would have to agree that some of the nicest people i know are those with SA. Do you think its because since we dont know how to act we just e nice cus its easier?


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

*Mind over matter and questioning society's diagnosis of us*

My personal opinion is that although society has labeled us to have a "disorder" I think it is just a trait that goes along with our personality...and if you think about it, no one is perfect of course...and there is always some bad to go along with the good (specifically personality types). I definitely think that this social nervousness stuff can get very bad, even out of control...taking over your life, if you let it. I also think that as part of our personality, we are excessive worriers so knowing that we have some sort of "problem" is of course going to make us even more distressed and make us feel even lower. I mean, look how many people are even enrolled in this online support group thing for sa....that is not a small number, so that leads me to believe that obviosuly there is nothing "wrong" with us- or if there is, then there are A LOT of people who have this thing wrong with them...therefore we are really not different, weird, or flawed as we think we are.


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