# For those who are single and 30+ : How do you plan to find someone?



## TheVoid

You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.

How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


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## foe

Just coming to terms with the fact that I will die alone each day eases the pain away.


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## nemesis1

Well i tried online dating, but that didnt work out. Way too frustrating.

Currently i have been working out in the hope that it will make me more attractive to women (as well as health reasons) and maybe i might get approached. But as i dont go out anywhere that probably wont be happening either.

My last resort will probably be going to a 'lesser developed' country as i hear that the women in those kind of countries throw themselves at guys from the west. Although im fully aware most will probably just be trying to use me so i'll have to keep my wits about me and try to find someone who is genuine.


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## TheVoid

nemesis1 said:


> My last resort will probably be going to a 'lesser developed' country as i hear that the women in those kind of countries throw themselves at guys from the west.



Who told you that? I once lived in India for 6 months because my father dragged the entire family on his work assignments (he is a civil engineer). I was 16 then. The women there were the most arrogant, no-bull**** types you could ever find (no offense). The only ones who throw themselves at you are the uneducated village women who just want to earn a few quick bucks. :um


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## nemesis1

TheVoid said:


> Who told you that? I once lived in India for 6 months because my father dragged the entire family on his work assignments (he is a civil engineer). I was 16 then. The women there were the most arrogant, no-bull**** types you could ever find (no offense). The only ones who throw themselves at you are the uneducated village women who just want to earn a few quick bucks. :um


Well i thought it was common knowledge that guys who cant get girlfriends in the west can go to poorer countries and easily get hooked up. Although i dont think many guys in this position would be thinking of going to India though, lol.

I know two guys who always struggled with women in this country, one got married to an eastern european girl (i forget which country) and the other guy got married to a girl from the Phillipines. Neither had really had girlfriends before and are both happily married now. Plus these cool Colombian guys i used to work with told me that the women in south america love english guys and are much more respectable than the women over here.


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## TheVoid

nemesis1 said:


> Although i dont think many guys in this position would be thinking of going to India though, lol.


Lol


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## anonymid

I don't.


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## erasercrumbs

My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.


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## pumpkinspice

erasercrumbs said:


> My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.


Well that all depends on the flavor of the pop tart. Some are just more desirable than the others.


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## Double Indemnity

I'm hoping someone will take pity on me again one day. In the meantime, I have my cats.


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## TigerRifle1

Girls always like older guys. At least thats what I'm holding on too.


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## SAgirl

erasercrumbs said:


> My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.


Pop tarts. lol!

Most of the girls that work out and eat healthy would never touch those things. Those things are loaded with artificial colours and sugar. yikes!


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## jsgt

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


Good questions! 
I'm not sure how I'll find someone. I don't have a set plan, but lately I've been thinking about approaching someone and drumming up a convo. Never have I talked to any woman before with intentions of getting a date. Not my style, but maybe I should change that. I just _feel_ like rejection wouldnt mean a thing to me if it happens, but who knows.

Also, there is getting to know people over the internet, but I stopped messing with dating sites. This is the only "social" forum I visit and don't see myself finding anyone through here. I don't like the distance aspect, but maybe I should change my mind about that too. :stu

Not sure if I'll be single forever, but I deal with lonliness by not placing so much importance on finding a partner. Sure, there are times I feel lonely, but it always passes and I go back to being content. Not happy, but content.

How about yourself?


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## sootnstars

I was thinking about this earlier today! I haven't put any effort into dating in over a year, so I'm hoping a dude will miraculous appear at my doorstep? At the same time, I've also accepted the possibility I might be single for a very long time (already over 2 years since my last relationship)...


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## falling down

There's no point now. To accommodate komorikun's desire for less people on this planet, I have decided that I will not bring a child into this world. Therefore I have no need for a partner. Sex is only for pleasure now, so buy hookers.


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## Dane

I don't have a plan. Just hope I'll bump into her, although it's looking increasingly unlikely.


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## victoriangirl

nemesis1 said:


> My last resort will probably be going to a 'lesser developed' country as i hear that the women in those kind of countries throw themselves at guys from the west. Although im fully aware most will probably just be trying to use me so i'll have to keep my wits about me and try to find someone who is genuine.


As much as I hate to admit it, currently living in one of those 'lesser developed' countries, I do have to say that guys from the 'West' do have a higher chance of meeting a girl in this country. Pretty and/or educated ones too. And even me!!! There are many reasons for that - men in these countries usually just see a woman as a commodity, women are expected to stay at home and take care of the kids, men pay no attention to female sexual desires or needs, they are often very jealous etc. But I would not use these 'facts' as a strategy to find a woman over here. There is obviously so much more to finding a 'woman'. 

Back to the topic: most of the time I try to accept the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life. I don't mind being single in social terms (they can say whatever they want behind my back), but I do miss having that single deep connection to the human kind. Right now and forever I will just feel like an alien. So I guess I am just counting down the days for my spaceship to come and rescue me and take me to my own little planet.
(this topic does get me very depressed)


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## TheVoid

victoriangirl said:


> (this topic does get me very depressed)


I agree. I try not to think about it but it just gets rubbed in my face all the ****ing time.

Like today, an ex-employee came by to visit my boss after 2 years. She saw that I was the only one still hanging around while most others have gone for better jobs etc. So she came over to me to say how happy she was to see me (which is BS) and she also asked if I was married.

I said "no, not yet". She gave me that awkward, pitiful look. I have had enough of this crap really. It is bad enough not having anyone in your life to also have to deal with those "wow what a loser" looks.


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## AceRimmer

I don't. As James Tiberius Kirk once said, "I've always known I'll die alone." And then my pets will scavenge my body as there will be no one to feed them.


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## nemesis1

victoriangirl said:


> As much as I hate to admit it, currently living in one of those 'lesser developed' countries, I do have to say that guys from the 'West' do have a higher chance of meeting a girl in this country. Pretty and/or educated ones too. And even me!!! There are many reasons for that - men in these countries usually just see a woman as a commodity, women are expected to stay at home and take care of the kids, men pay no attention to female sexual desires or needs, they are often very jealous etc. But I would not use these 'facts' as a strategy to find a woman over here. There is obviously so much more to finding a 'woman'.


Thats pretty much what i thought. And i totally agree with you about the 'so much more to finding someone' thing. But it seems the common ground is already there, i.e. women from 'poorer' countries dont wanna get treated like crap by the native men, and quieter men from the west are not appreciated by their native women.

What country is this btw? lol


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## Don Gio

Cover me with Axe body spray,and just wait for the girls to come.
That's what those commercials profess anyway,i belief it.
Gonna spray it in the morning and sit in the park and wait.
I must get 20 or 30 girls a day easily


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## Lansdude

Two chances: 1) Developing a close relationship with a woman under forced conditions (only way I can do it). 2) Getting together with a girl I'm friends with who is also aging and lonely and can get along with me.


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## Jcgrey

Was married once. Have very little hope of dating again. Unless I can regain self confidence and lower SA levels some how.


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## CeilingStarer

I'm probably with Nemesis. I'd really like an Asian partner for various reasons, not because it's easier to acquire one though.

Having said that, there's no way I could bring myself to do the whole mail-order thing. I just want to meet someone naturally either locally or abroad, and if I don't, so be it.

I just find it hard to really meet compatible women locally. They're generally shut-ins or aloof/unapproachable like me. I'd rather not have a relationship, than be with most typical extroverted, "socialise at all costs" women around here. I couldn't/wouldn't want to keep up.


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## mzmz

anonymid said:


> I don't.


And also, im fine with it. I mean, i've posted this before, but for this record ill again bring out the fact single people can do fine by themselves if they have good close friendships. and thats what this site is for!
So, as long as ive got internet i think im good


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## Don Gio

Jcgrey said:


> Was married once. Have very little hope of dating again. Unless I can regain self confidence and lower SA levels some how.


I was engaged before for 8 years,doesn't stop me from having relationships again,it will take time though...


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## Cat5

I don't believe anyone will remain single until death. Everyone will eventually reach the point where they decide that the pain of staying in their shell is greater than the pain of leaving it.


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## victoriangirl

nemesis1 said:


> Thats pretty much what i thought. And i totally agree with you about the 'so much more to finding someone' thing. But it seems the common ground is already there, i.e. women from 'poorer' countries dont wanna get treated like crap by the native men, and quieter men from the west are not appreciated by their native women.
> 
> What country is this btw? lol


Hey, we are actually perfect for each other. I'd love to meet someone from the UK!!! (there are many reasons to why but mentioning them would take pages)

I am more of a resident of this country than a native, but I still find most men here simply ignorant and overpowering. Than there is this whole society expecting you to marry first, have many kids etc. Nothing for me. My chances of meeting someone here are quite limited so I guess I better start my hunt overseas  (this last sentence is so not me, but it sounds really funny!)


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## gaz

To be honest i have no clue. I am also not sure i even want a relationship o'r even sex. The thought of relationships seems scary for me, i mean i desire having a close companion but also i fear the dedication involved in a realtionship. I am a closed book type of person and my low self esteem means i can't possibly imagine any woman wanting to be with me. I even have doubts that people would want to be my friend even. 

It seems that if a man does not have attributes such as; Charisma, success, stability, good conversational skills, humour etc then he has very little chance. Like in my case i have no reason i can think of a woman would be attracted to me, i am average looking and i have a boring personality. On top of that i have no job, still live with my parents, and i have little interest in things like the latest tv programme etc.

I tried an online dating site and to my suprise i got many responces from pretty women, but after one o'r two messages they stopped contacting me.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

I'm just rolling with the punches really. Edit: Oh crap this is a 30+ thread. Guess I'll come back in 19 months.


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## merryk

TheVoid said:


> she also asked if I was married.
> 
> I said "no, not yet". She gave me that awkward, pitiful look.


There do seem to be many women who think that being married is a goal everyone should attain, and if you don't, there's something wrong or lacking. I don't agree with that. I'm not opposed to getting married IF I meet someone compatible for that big step. If it never happens, that's ok with me too. Fortunately I don't have pressure from anyone to marry and have kids, they probably know it's futile and that I'd tell them to f* off.

What I can't do without, however, is companionship, and I'm currently looking for a sweet guy.  Never ceases to amaze me how challenging this can be (SA or no).


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## ivankaramazov

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> I'm just rolling with the punches really. Edit: Oh crap this is a 30+ thread. Guess I'll come back in 19 months.


Don't do that - help me start a movement to change the forum name to 29+.


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## pianist

I'm going to die penniless and alone. . . Ces't la vie


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## Propaganda

My plan is staying in college all the way to the minimum of a masters, walking downtown and reading in the book/coffee shops, making friends (arrgggggh) and dating their hot friends, maintaining a deep dating profile (online), and ...ummmmm, well, that's all I am working with ATM.


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## 67budp

I plan to get more aggressive. The only way it is gonna work is for me to pursue and show interest. It has never worked out when the women showed interest in me first. There is something about it that makes me feel powerless. My confidence will come when I start to take charge. I know it's what I have to do.


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## PineconeMachine

I don't. I gave up.


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## ohgodits2014

My plan is to hide behind the bushes with a baseball bat and wait until the right person comes along.


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## Bbpuff

nemesis1 said:


> Well i thought it was common knowledge that guys who cant get girlfriends in the west can go to poorer countries and easily get hooked up. Although i dont think many guys in this position would be thinking of going to India though, lol.
> 
> I know two guys who always struggled with women in this country, one got married to an eastern european girl (i forget which country) and the other guy got married to a girl from the Phillipines. Neither had really had girlfriends before and are both happily married now. Plus these cool Colombian guys i used to work with told me that the women in south america love english guys and are much more respectable than the women over here.


I second this. My dad is engaged to a 20 year old, and he's 59! Plus he's heavy, has only one leg, and has numerous other health problems. It's crazy, you should really be careful though. This is the Philippines by the way. If you have really light skin, you're a shoe in.


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## erasercrumbs

pianist said:


> I'm going to die penniless and alone. . . Ces't la vie


I'll happily mail a few of my pennies to you.


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## TheVoid

PineconeMachine said:


> I don't. I gave up.


I have almost. It doesn't seem like anyone is interested in me. It's crazy because I actually don't look that bad. Maybe it is the SA.


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## TheRob

Regarding the original question, honestly, I have no idea.


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## Scrumpilump2000

I have no idea. As I get older, I am running on less and less illusion about my life and my prospects. That's not such a bad thing. I don't know what people expect out of life. It's not that I don't have prospects, I just see my youthful dreams as not realistic. I'm extraordinarily doubtful about the viability of partnerships. I blame my parents for this. It's actually an infinite regress, because all my grandparents are guilty as well, and on and on and on. 

LIFE AND DISAPPOINTMENT

" Seeing an old lady of evident serenity and knowledge sitting opposite me on a train, I leant forward and asked her:
'What wisdom can you pass on to me?'
She said:
'Young man, all I have got to say is that life has been a great disappointment to me!' "

-Idries Shah, 'Reflections'


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## lanzman

I don't. I've just learned to accept it and be as happy as I can be on my own.


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## sanspants08

I do the same things I did when I was younger, and tend to meet younger women. They don't seem to care if I'm ten years older :stu. My family has come to expect it, because no one around here is single over the age of 26 or so.


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## DreamAway

I believe I will still get to the point with my anxiety that I'll be able to start interacting much more freely with the opposite sex (ppl in general) and eventually meet someone I can fall in love with. Keepin' the dream alive


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## Iamjohn

Double Indemnity said:


> I'm hoping someone will take pity on me again one day. In the meantime, I have my cats.


I try and tell myself my cats live with me because they love me, but I suspect they're only in it for the chicken, little *****s!


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## tennislover84

Super Marshy said:


> This is the Philippines by the way. If you have really light skin, you're a shoe in.


Really? Well I'm English and I could get sunburnt from a 50 watt light bulb.

So Philippines here I come? :b

Or maybe not. They probably don't sell Yorkshire Tea in the Philippines, and I don't think I could physically go without it.


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## falling down

sanspants08 said:


> I do the same things I did when I was younger, and tend to meet younger women. They don't seem to care if I'm ten years older :stu. My family has come to expect it, because no one around here is single over the age of 26 or so.


:nw


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## millenniumman75

erasercrumbs said:


> My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.





SAgirl said:


> Pop tarts. lol!
> 
> Most of the girls that work out and eat healthy would never touch those things. Those things are loaded with artificial colours and sugar. yikes!


Be careful, you could land Britney Spears! She had been called a Pop Tart :lol.

I just pray about it. Put me in a place where I be vizzibull :wink


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## Paul

I try not to predict the future. Pretty much since I was born I assumed I'd be single for life, couldn't imagine being able to connect with someone, but I'm not so sure of that anymore. Might get lucky, maybe now or maybe in 40 years. If not, I'll deal the same as I always have a day at a time.



Cat5 said:


> I don't believe anyone will remain single until death. Everyone will eventually reach the point where they decide that the pain of staying in their shell is greater than the pain of leaving it.


People who've never had relationships die in droves every single day. If loneliness hasn't motivated someone so far, why would it suddenly start working? I don't know that it's really any lonelier to be single at 55 or 25.


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## sanspants08

Paul said:


> People who've never had relationships die in droves every single day. If loneliness hasn't motivated someone so far, why would it suddenly start working? I don't know that it's really any lonelier to be single at 55 or 25.


Yanno, working in an ER where people die every day, I have to say I've never seen anybody, and I mean anybody, ever die alone :no. I know it must happen pretty regularly, but those people are definitely in the minority. Old people pair up long after their sex drives are gone, just for companionate reasons. The elderly are great about accommodating the odd ones out, too.

From what I can tell, to die alone you'd have to actually work at it.


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## Cat5

gaz said:


> To be honest i have no clue. I am also not sure i even want a relationship o'r even sex. The thought of relationships seems scary for me, i mean i desire having a close companion but also i fear the dedication involved in a realtionship. I am a closed book type of person and my low self esteem means i can't possibly imagine any woman wanting to be with me. I even have doubts that people would want to be my friend even.
> 
> It seems that if a man does not have attributes such as; Charisma, success, stability, good conversational skills, humour etc then he has very little chance. Like in my case i have no reason i can think of a woman would be attracted to me, i am average looking and i have a boring personality. On top of that i have no job, still live with my parents, and i have little interest in things like the latest tv programme etc.
> 
> I tried an online dating site and to my suprise i got many responces from pretty women, but after one o'r two messages they stopped contacting me.


 What negativity! How can you ever expect to change if you keep talking **** about yourself?


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## Cat5

nemesis1 said:


> Well i tried online dating, but that didnt work out. Way too frustrating.
> 
> Currently i have been working out in the hope that it will make me more attractive to women (as well as health reasons) and maybe i might get approached. But as i dont go out anywhere that probably wont be happening either.
> 
> My last resort will probably be going to a 'lesser developed' country as i hear that the women in those kind of countries throw themselves at guys from the west. Although im fully aware most will probably just be trying to use me so i'll have to keep my wits about me and try to find someone who is genuine.


 There are thousands of Filipinos looking online to find a guy in a western country. But who wants one? You could never trust that they love you for you. They just want a ticket to a better life. Then they'd probably divorce you the first opportunity they get. Besides, bringing them to western countries is just hurting us. They work at a minimum wage jobs for years, and now because of them, where do the 16 year old native-born kids find work?


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## falling down

sanspants08 said:


> Yanno, working in an ER where people die every day, I have to say I've never seen anybody, and I mean anybody, ever die alone :no. I know it must happen pretty regularly, but those people are definitely in the minority. Old people pair up long after their sex drives are gone, just for companionate reasons. The elderly are great about accommodating the odd ones out, too.
> 
> From what I can tell, to die alone you'd have to actually work at it.


It's funny that you work in an ER because I was thinking the other day that you kinda look like this guy if that's you in the avy:










:lol


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## pianist

erasercrumbs said:


> I'll happily mail a few of my pennies to you.


Thanks. :boogie


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## sanspants08

falling down said:


> It's funny that you work in an ER because I was thinking the other day that you kinda look like this guy if that's you in the avy:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :lol


Yup, that's me in the avatar, and when clean-shaven and not tanned I've gotten that remark more than once lol. I figure, there are worse people I could look like!

Anyway, finding someone comes down to place, time, and situation. That's why it's important that we don't barricade ourselves in our houses. We have to get up, get out, and get gone. I've noticed that if someone is interested in you, a little awkwardness, or even a lot, doesn't really matter. Unless of course you're meeting their friends lol. But I won't go there...


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## elvin jones

I hope it just happens. That's how it has worked for me all these years. But now that I am ready for something serious no one is sweeping me off my feet. I am still young and still looking. In 10 years I could see myself being happily married, that's the goal anyway. Wish me luck.


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## Adam81980

I've essentially given up. There's the possibility, but it comparable to finding a needle in a hey stack. If it hasn't happened by 32, it's probably not going to?

Just went on a date for the first time in three years with a women who asked me out, after 272 nights out by myself and not meeting any one, except grossly obese woman of 45+ with kids. 

Went out, thought it went great and we were going out the next weekend, but never heard from her again and she didn't respond to my calls. I go years between dates, and it's repeated outcomes like this that make me say I quit.


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## soulstorm

Adam81980 said:


> Just went on a date for the first time in three years with a women who asked me out, after 272 nights out by myself and not meeting any one, except grossly obese woman of 45+ with kids.


That the thing, the older you get the more the pool of attractive mates starts to dwindle. Its like being pulled further and further into a black hole, except age is the gravity.


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## merryk

Adam81980 said:


> Went out, thought it went great and we were going out the next weekend, but never heard from her again and she didn't respond to my calls.


This seems to be common. I don't get why people think it's ok to disappear and ignore others like that, I find it rude.


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## HughJ

Yes, when I retire and move to another country. Not interested to do that here.


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## blightofshyness

I believe that I will never be able to find a girlfriend or wife. That task might well be beyond my capabilities.

My only hope left is a longshot: that if I do a law degree or something like that, the sheer power of my eventual high salary, many years into the future, may attract a woman to me.


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## sanspants08

merryk said:


> This seems to be common. I don't get why people think it's ok to disappear and ignore others like that, I find it rude.


Do you think this is age-related? It seems to be what happens to me with women under 24 or so. Doesn't happen with older women, I find. I'm not sure how it occurs with men for obvious reasons...


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## merryk

sanspants08 said:


> Do you think this is age-related? It seems to be what happens to me with women under 24 or so. Doesn't happen with older women, I find. I'm not sure how it occurs with men for obvious reasons...


In my experience, it's all ages. People looking for friendship, dating...it's curious to have someone disappear when things seem to be going well. My recent instances involved men in their mid-20s and 40s. 
sanspants, I wish people with your good outlook lived nearby.


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## TheVoid

merryk said:


> I wish people with your good outlook lived nearby.


Aha :yes


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## Ventura

**Thread Warning*
I've deleted some posts and deleted the users who quoted the user-​
Please read the board guidelines 


> *Who has Social Anxiety*
> 
> This site is not a competition - it's not about whose particular brand of SA is the worse, who suffers more than whom, or who has the right to call their problems Social Anxiety. *The belittlement of others' suffering will not be tolerated.*


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## ryobi

realistically...lol


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## low

A large part of what's missing is an emotional connection for me, something to cuddle. something to care for and exist with. I'm really just considering getting a dog. I really don't mean that as a back handed comment to women either by the way. I'm just realistic and don't expect a relationship. Yet I am in need of company and something to care for so an alsation or a Collie would help a lot in the lonliness department.

I plan on working from home or outside delivering leaflets - something solitary anyway. So it wouldn't be alone in the house all day either.


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## will30

I've given up on wanting a gf. I've beenr eading up on PUA and basically am cool with short term dating/hookups if I'm lucky for it to happen when I get out of this funk.


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## akt

seems rougher on women going into their 30s... are we supposed to become cougars in our 30s? seems like older men will just want younger women, or want a younger woman who will be better to have kids/family with and if you don't have a career or a life that's going to hurt your chances too.


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## Double Indemnity

akt said:


> seems rougher on women going into their 30s... are we supposed to become cougars in our 30s? seems like older men will just want younger women, or want a younger woman who will be better to have kids/family with and if you don't have a career or a life that's going to hurt your chances too.


It indeed seems rougher for women going into their 30s. I'd like a guy between the ages of 35 and 40. My cougar days are over.


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## komorikun

Double Indemnity said:


> It indeed seems rougher for women going into their 30s. I'd like a guy between the ages of 35 and 40. My cougar days are over.


If you are looking for men that age you are in luck. Apparently there were very few births around the time we were born. So more people were born in 1971 than in 1976. Men born 1961-1972 have more difficulty finding women 2-4 years younger than themselves (the usual age gap).

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005067.html

I'm not sure what I'm going to do though. I'm really not attracted to men over age 33. I like them around age 27-30.


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## Double Indemnity

komorikun said:


> If you are looking for men that age you are in luck. Apparently there were very few births around the time we were born. So more people were born in 1971 than in 1976. Men born 1961-1972 have more difficulty finding women 2-4 years younger than themselves (the usual age gap).
> 
> http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005067.html
> 
> I'm not sure what I'm going to do though. I'm really not attracted to men over age 33. I like them around age 27-30.


I'm glad the odds are in my favor. I need to date someone older for a change. My ex really burned me on younger guys.


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## erasercrumbs

I plan to wow them with my Star Trek Commemorative Plate collection.


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## falling down

komorikun said:


> If you are looking for men that age you are in luck. Apparently there were very few births around the time we were born. So more people were born in 1971 than in 1976. Men born 1961-1972 have more difficulty finding women 2-4 years younger than themselves (the usual age gap).
> 
> http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005067.html
> 
> I'm not sure what I'm going to do though. I'm really not attracted to men over age 33. I like them around age 27-30.


What are we? Live stock? :roll


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## komorikun

falling down said:


> What are we? Live stock? :roll


Demographics matters to some degree.


----------



## falling down

komorikun said:


> Demographics matters to some degree.


I'll call Ronaldo and let him know.


----------



## IcedOver

I just don't know if it's going to be possible for me to date. I have several issues going on right now, and I'm an unbelievable procrastinator, so it's very unlikely. I have no desire ever to get married, but I'd like to date someone for a little while and of course lose my virginity. 

In all honesty, I never even considered trying to date until 2006 or 2007. I just viewed myself as a fundamentally flawed person for whom dating and all that just wasn't in the cards -- essentially an alien among normal people. Really, I never even gave it much thought. I still consider myself fundamentally flawed, but in the last few years I realize that I do have a want (not a need; nobody needs relationships) for dating and sex. 

Back in '07 I realized that maybe it might be possible to lose my virginity if I applied myself. That excitement has gotten me nowhere, because aside from a dating site profile that I just let sit and then deleted, I haven't done anything to make it happen. So now, having recently turned 36, I haven't even done so much as attempt to ask a woman on a date. Considering that I have something upcoming which, if it goes poorly, might cause me to consider offing myself, I might as well permanently consign sex to a mere fantasy of something that might have been. Sorry if that's melodramatic; it's just been a crappy year.


----------



## SonicMan

India? That's awesome. I've been dying to move there. I did 5 years in Cairo, Egypt. Would love to know more about living in India.

Oh wait... the discussion thread is about dying alone and single.


----------



## chantellabella

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


I don't want to find someone

I'm going to enjoy every minute of being single. I was married to an abusive man for 30 years and am finally free. I'm sorry, but for me to even accept someone in my life as a partner, he would have to be Jesus Christ. I prefer to die alone among my cats.


----------



## caseyblue

I feel like my time has passed already. I got married, got divorced so that's all I get.


----------



## harrison

tennislover84 said:


> Really? Well I'm English and I could get sunburnt from a 50 watt light bulb.
> 
> So Philippines here I come? :b
> 
> Or maybe not. They probably don't sell Yorkshire Tea in the Philippines, and I don't think I could physically go without it.


Man, that's one of the funniest things I've read on this site! You really made me laugh, which is pretty good considering the state of my head lately. And mate, believe me, when you get there you won't be worrying about no Yorkshire tea! I went there when I was about 22 - Whoa, hold onto your hats fellas!:um


----------



## Voidstarlit

why would you even want to do that


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

ivankaramazov said:


> Don't do that - help me start a movement to change the forum name to 29+.


 I'm in! Revolution! :teeth


----------



## TheVoid

SonicMan said:


> India? That's awesome. I've been dying to move there. I did 5 years in Cairo, Egypt. Would love to know more about living in India.
> 
> Oh wait... the discussion thread is about dying alone and single.


I hear Indian girls are pretty and they like white-skinned guys so you have a chance


----------



## erasercrumbs

caseyblue said:


> I feel like my time has passed already. I got married, got divorced so that's all I get.


Oh Balzac!

My stepdad has been married four times, believe it or not. Each married only lasted a year or two, until he married my mom, and since then they've been married for over a decade. You have plenty of time and marriage potential, if that's what you really want.


----------



## sanspants08

merryk said:


> In my experience, it's all ages. People looking for friendship, dating...it's curious to have someone disappear when things seem to be going well. My recent instances involved men in their mid-20s and 40s.
> sanspants, I wish people with your good outlook lived nearby.


It seems to me that this is some sort of emotional short-circuit, right? I mean, it involves cowardice, but to do it, one's cowardice would have to be greater than the strength of one's morality, because it's clearly "the wrong thing to do," at least in my opinion.



akt said:


> seems rougher on women going into their 30s... are we supposed to become cougars in our 30s? seems like older men will just want younger women, or want a younger woman who will be better to have kids/family with and if you don't have a career or a life that's going to hurt your chances too.


Seems that way. I know one of the reasons I end up with younger women is because of my expectation that women my age will reject me based on socioeconomic stuff. As in, "renting a house with a roommate at 34, little savings, existing money tied up in car, etc." I did date a woman who was older than me recently, and there were some intellectual benefits to that. However, despite being too angry for me to stay with, the difference in spendable income would eventually become an issue. In fact, we accidentally got a $500 dinner for New Years' (long story) and she had to pick up the tab because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make my complete car payment.


----------



## komorikun

That's why I lie about my age on dating sites, otherwise I only get messages from guys in their late 30s or 40s (who I'm not attracted to). I'm 35 but I put down 30-32 depending on my mood.


----------



## foe

komorikun said:


> That's why I lie about my age on dating sites, otherwise I only get messages from guys in their late 30s or 40s (who I'm not attracted to). I'm 35 but I put down 30-32 depending on my mood.


So you're a cougar hunting for young lions? :b


----------



## duckie

TheVoid said:


> Do you think you will be single forever?


probably... it really doesn't bother me though. i am happiest when i am alone.



TheVoid said:


> If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


maybe it's different for a female but as a guy i have never felt like anyone was pressuring me to find someone.
i'm 40 and truthfully happier alone... sure, we all get a bit lonely once in awhile but relationships are painful. :sus
i'd rather hang out with myself and avoid all the drama! :yes


----------



## komorikun

foe said:


> So you're a cougar hunting for young lions? :b


I have gone out with guys much younger than me (over 10 years younger) but what I'm currently looking for wouldn't be considered cougarish (3-8 years younger than me).


----------



## akt

komorikun said:


> I have gone out with guys much younger than me (over 10 years younger) but what I'm currently looking for wouldn't be considered cougarish (3-8 years younger than me).


hunting 7+ years younger is considered cougar territory


----------



## komorikun

akt said:


> hunting 7+ years younger is considered cougar territory


Interesting. So if a 35 year old woman dated a 28 year old guy, she would be a cougar? 28 doesn't seem that young to me for some reason.

I guess my mom was a cougar too then since they got married when my mom was 33 and my dad was 26.


----------



## hypestyle

I'm hoping I can get out of the country and start all over, once I finish my undergraduate studies later this year. I'm growing increasingly pessimistic.. but I will enjoy a change of venue regardless.. I have to see something else besides the same town for the past 20 years..


----------



## JW3121

Ehhh, I still think I look pretty good  How will I meet somebody? Get involved in things. Acting classes, college classes, Yoga classes; whatever. I'm in a big city so there are all kinds of opportunities to get involved in different things. I can't actually do all of this until I get myself together mentally though, so hopefully that happens soon.


----------



## moxosis

I think it's easier for someone who has never been in a relationship, I've never been in one and don't know what I'm missing, I think if I'd found someone now and it wouldn't last I would experience more loneliness than before, because I would miss something.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon

no plan


----------



## Looking for Others

*Dating Site*

Someone should create a dating site for us. I have been dating but its hard to find someone who understands what I struggle with.


----------



## Looking for Others

Looking for Others said:


> Someone should create a dating site for us. I have been dating but its hard to find someone who understands what I struggle with.


And I lost my marriage because she didn't understand or want to try and understand.


----------



## steve74

As the great George Costanza said..." I can't even imagine the circumstances where i'll have sex again !!!! "


----------



## TigerRifle1

I think with some effort put into overcoming their social anxiety everyone here could find someone.


----------



## DreamAway

I plan to find someone with the ratio of: 1% charm 99% luck


----------



## harrison

I'm really not sure - with me it's always sort of just happened. The thing that bothers me nowadays is that I'm embarassed because I haven't worked for ages and I actually live with my ex-wife! This last condition is not really a great start for meeting someone new. As someone said to me once - "Don, if you want to meet a new wife, you need to leave your old one." Good point, but I find it really hard to live on my own. Frankly it scares the hell out of me as I don't think I've ever done it. I hate being on my own.

I've tried internet dating and have been out with a number of ladies, but I don't like to have to lie to them and if I told them the complete truth they would probably run!


----------



## Ghost

I've never had a GF and I have no plans on getting one. I'm bored with awkward dates and women that don't even try to understand where I'm coming from (as someone with SA). Being a black male with SA is terrible for dating.


----------



## patheticiq

Before , I was thinking a girl will come and jump on me for nothing ....But then I realized this will not become ,by the way I am below average and I don't know why I thinked this way  ....So , I will not make a move for this , I don't plan anything ...People tell me if you want there is a girl I know ,do you wa ...I am cutting the person before the question ends and say , no thanks I don't think ...Like I have a lot of options and not interested ......


----------



## harrison

IFR2012 said:


> Haha good luck trying to explain that one to a woman.


Yeah, tell me about it!


----------



## gaz

I'm hoping Santa Claus will bring me one next Christmas. I quite like the idea of rescuing a girl from distress like in films.

Seriously though i have no plan to find anyone that's not to say i don't want anyone, i just find the idea of looking for someone and having to go through the process of dating daunting and time consuming.


----------



## harrison

gaz said:


> I'm hoping Santa Claus will bring me one next Christmas. I quite like the idea of rescuing a girl from distress like in films.
> 
> Seriously though i have no plan to find anyone that's not to say i don't want anyone, i just find the idea of looking for someone and having to go through the process of dating daunting and time consuming.


Yeah, I feel the same way - it's a very time consuming and nerve-wracking experience. I'm thinking I should just try and concentrate on getting myself sorted out and more stable - but then again I have always sort of thought like that but I still can't help myself.


----------



## Hoping4More

My situation is not ideal for meeting someone. 35 years old with SA, live with my parents, don't have a job, rarely leave the house, have extremely low self-esteem. With the exception of my ex (who I was fixed up with), every guy I've ever liked, has not liked me back.

I'm running out of time to have a family (to give birth myself, I know there are other options). I look like I just graduated high school (and feel like it a lot of the time with how I live) and men don't want a woman with low-self esteem and no job. With the economy the way it is, living with my parents MIGHT be looked over, but not when you add it up with everything else.

I think I've known since I was little that I would never be married.


----------



## soulstorm

I used to like being single but in the last few years the loneliness has gotten the best of me. Every year that ticks by gets more lonely as my friends and acquaintances get further tied down with their families and careers. To make matters worse I can't decide whether I'd be more happy single or with someone else. I read all of these stories of heartbreak and depression when relationships have blown up and ruined lives. If I could ever find someone that I feel understands me even 90% I think we could make it. I literally am scared to jump into anything, but I can't go on being this lonely.


----------



## cloister2

I'm just going to desperately try to pick up young'uns on the street. Maybe after 50 rejections something will happen.


----------



## centrigal06

It's depressing. Sometimes I wonder at what point do I just give up, but the thought of being alone forever is crushing.


----------



## purplekicks

falling down said:


> There's no point now. To accommodate komorikun's desire for less people on this planet, I have decided that I will not bring a child into this world. Therefore I have no need for a partner. Sex is only for pleasure now, so buy hookers.


I hope you are safe with buying hookers! Where you from?


----------



## falling down

purplekicks said:


> I hope you are safe with buying hookers! Where you from?


I was being facetious. :lol

Canada.


----------



## TigerRifle1

falling down said:


> I was being facetious. :lol
> 
> Canada.


No hookers in Canada I take it.


----------



## sda

How? Donno. Chance will have a lot to do with it? Last time, it was really due to chance! As some about said, Charm, maybe not, but chance is the only hope I have. 

How really? Only likely avenue I have is online dating. I am thinking of doing re-enabling my account. 

Only other option, become more social by attending clubs, interest groups etc.. but that's is stressful. Maybe since I am more desperate to find someone now, I might just do it. 

Failing that... agree to meet one of those girls my parents try to hook me up with (arranged marriage style)... aaargh.


----------



## Jon4than

I don't really know. I would love to be in a relationship again some day but I'm also afraid. I'm just so used to not having to answer to anyone but it's also lonely. I don't know if I "plan" to find someone, maybe someone special will unexpectedly cross my path one day lol


----------



## sleepytime

I've been single for about 7 years. I don't know how I'm ever going to meet anyone ever again. I'd guess I will have to either overcome my anxiety, or else find someone who isn't put off by it, both long shots. Even then, it's not likely that the next person I meet is going to be right for me. It would probably take several relationships to find one that works. So it's a very very long shot for me I think.


----------



## estse

I don't.


----------



## BlueScreen

I've given up.


----------



## sanspants08

My 34-year-old friend with SA is importing the girl he met on a nude cam site. No seriously, he's 34, and she's a camgirl, 25, he met online. He's actually a very nice guy, and she's actually a very nice girl. He's struggling to finish his bachelor's degree, whereas she just finished grad school with a law degree and passed the US Bar Exam from Kiev. I can't wait to see how this goes down. 

I couldn't roll like this guy, but nonetheless it's cool to see a romance come from...the exact opposite of romance.


----------



## MsDaisy

I suppose someday, one will just come knocking at the door.


----------



## jrodgers

I have found this often works.
Spend some time catching her gaze every now and then. 
Don't just stare at her, make small glances 
until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does, 
smile slightly and look away. 
You'll probably blush as well, blushing indicates you're nervous, 
which is a hint that you like her.

Some girls like to make it a bit of a challenge. 
If she seems a bit distant but hasn't explicitly done anything to indicate 
she doesn't like you, don't give up just yet.


----------



## BlueScreen

Tie them up and send a ransom note to the family...

Kidding....kidding ...


----------



## BladeRunnerB26354

I met my GF of 18 months on Facebook as a friend of a friend who made an interesting comment on a thread, so I replied and then we started emailing on facebook. These quickly turned into epic emails as we have a lot in common, and after a few weeks I asked her to meet up for coffee.

I'm quite geeky and I find quite niche forums like sci fi and film allow me to chat to people I find interesting who are not the average person you meet out and about.

If you have quite esoteric interests the internet and forums are great places to make friends and perhaps from there meet a GF who you have a lot in common with. You get to know someone pretty well before you meet, so you can be confident you'll get on reasonably well in person, skipping a lot of the uncertainty.

As for dating websites, I tried them briefly for 3 months and found them to be dull with no one of interest on there. Everyone seemed profoundly average, quite boring and mainstream, and a little (or very) desperate. I went on dates with 4 girls, 2 of which were attractive but their personality didn't click for me.

I would say one of the most important things to remember is that a GF/BF has to be interesting to *you *- don't worry about having to impress someone or be interesting to them - if you're going to click with someone they should interest you - it's not about impressing other people.

On the other hand it's easy to see someone very attractive looking and think they "interest" you and become over awed. That's not clicking with someone it's just getting intimidated by someone's looks.

One of the best things I learnt is that people are just people, even the ones in amazing jobs and even the ones who are extremely good looking. No one is on a pedestal and when it comes to dating change your attitude from"Why would I interest *them?* TO how do they affect *me*, how do they interest *me*? Sure half of the girls in this room are good looking, but who would I enjoy talking to as a friend for an hour?"

If you think like that, it shifts the position of power to you, it stops you trying too hard to impress, and it makes rooms of attractive people less intimidating.


----------



## harrison

jrodgers said:


> I have found this often works.
> Spend some time catching her gaze every now and then.
> Don't just stare at her, make small glances
> until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does,
> smile slightly and look away.
> You'll probably blush as well, blushing indicates you're nervous,
> which is a hint that you like her.
> 
> Some girls like to make it a bit of a challenge.
> If she seems a bit distant but hasn't explicitly done anything to indicate
> she doesn't like you, don't give up just yet.


I love this guy!!


----------



## Sierpinski

I ... have ... no ... idea ...

When I was younger, I was told I might have social skills by the time I'm older. Well, I'm older and the social skills never came. But even if I had them, what would I do with them? I'm gay, and gays are very youth oriented. Even someone my own age will typically want someone younger.


----------



## Nada

What works for me is accepting single life so I can focus on more important things in my life, like doing nothing.


----------



## awkwardsilent

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


Well I have to say, I am obviously getting older, but not necessarily more and more stressed and I'm really not sure about less attractive except that I don't have "youth" as an attractant. Me now vs me at 23? I was way even more painfully shy, I was a total introvert, I hid in my bedroom on my computer and my only interaction with people was the internet. Me at 33? Far more awesome... At least I think so, and that makes a difference. I actually have friends, I actually get out of the house on a regular basis, I actually do things that are definitely NOT comfortable but that I have learned generally have payoffs if you are consistent about them. (Like calling people and inviting them to do things once in a while... sometimes people actually say yes!)

As for looks yeah I can tell some wrinkles are lurking around the corner, but I am working on my appearance, I have far better hair than I did 10 years ago, My makeup skills (a hobby I took up 4 years ago, solitary but oh so fun!) are way better, I actually know how to blow dry my hair now, I am fully willing to spend 200$ on a hair color/cut and I can glue lashes onto my eyes on occasion when I want to look super fab. I'm willing to spend more money on clothes that help me look good too. More stores exist so I can have cuter shoes (seriously shopping for size 12 shoes as a woman was excruciating in the 90s!)

That said, whether looking fabulous at 33 or 23. I've never known how to form relationships with the opposite sex. I don't have a plan to chase down a mate. But I've been able to make friends it is still not easy but slowly I am working on it. I approach it as a project, that might sound cold or calous that friendships should just happen and yes there is that element but I am better about following up. I make notes to myself to remember to call or facebook people. I try to include more people in my life even if all i really want to do is sit at home watching DVD's. I push myself because I don't want to get back to that lonely place. I force myself to have at least a small semblance of a social life. It's hard but the past decade has taught me its worth the effort. Yes I still get stressed, I still worry constantly about other people think. I second guess everything I say but the payoff of having people to go out to lunch with once in a blue moon is worth it to me.

I won't lie I wish I could find a special someone but I don't feel now (possibly ever) that I'm quite ready. Don't get me wrong, I get lonely I have my days where I am sad, even cry sometimes about it but for the most part. I am getting focused on improving myself though. I am watching what I eat, I am far more active than I use to be. I am losing weight (slowly) because of those two things. I'm improving my cooking skills and branching out and learning new dishes. (I like to cook and plate my meals dramatically sometimes even if its just for me). I bought a guitar and I'm getting back into my music. I am trying to sort through my wardrobe, and purge and lazer focus it so I can always at least feel fabulous about what I am wearing and get rid of anything that makes me feel less than that.

I'm trying to cut down on gossip and refocus my energies in positive directions. I figure if I have to be my own best friend, my own life partner that I should make myself into someone that I WANT to spend time with. 



erasercrumbs said:


> My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.


haha, pop tarts, I love it.


----------



## Xenos

My current plan, to the extent that I have one, is to try to bring my social anxiety under control to the extent that it's actually possible for me to try match.com or something similar. Everyone I know who's met someone in their 30s has done it online.

Right now, though, just browsing a site like that makes me really uncomfortable. But that's the goal. Well, _a_ goal.


----------



## howard26

I occasionally look at internet dating sites. It seems that all the girls have a huge smile, and say that "i'm very outgoing". What a turnoff. I've never been outgoing, but i also don't think it's a negative thing. To me, when someone is smiling all the time, I don't know how to deal with that energy. 
I agree with the original poster about not looking as good. In a way, it frees me up. I do find myself getting angry at young people for no reason, and i have to catch myself. Every once in a while, you'll see someone, or a couple who seems to glide through life with no trouble. I just avoid them, because if they try to get into my business, or offer advice, the conversation will not end well. I have trouble with holding my tongue lately.


----------



## Amorphousanomaly

jrodgers said:


> I have found this often works.
> Spend some time catching her gaze every now and then.
> Don't just stare at her, make small glances
> until your eyes meet and she catches you. When she does,
> smile slightly and look away.
> You'll probably blush as well, blushing indicates you're nervous,
> which is a hint that you like her.
> 
> Some girls like to make it a bit of a challenge.
> If she seems a bit distant but hasn't explicitly done anything to indicate
> she doesn't like you, don't give up just yet.


That sounds sexy! Do you think it would work for girls too?


----------



## VC132

build personal skills

go to college

start career

sort of indirectly finding someone -- i might as well be 30, im 26


----------



## Zendo

I don't really have a plan right now. I'm on Match.com and have had a few bites but most of the people live quite far away. Plus I realise I'm not actually that bothered right now and would not be able to offer anyone much. I'm more interested in working on myself, my job and getting back into shape and then start getting more social again.

I really can't imagine how it will happen but I'm sure something will once I feel strong enough to put myself out there again. I haven't dated for 6 years now so it's going to be pretty interesting whatever happens lol.


----------



## theCARS1979

I dont know, and no I dont have a plan, its best not to have a plan. I should just move on and forget about it. I was never good at flirting and Im so frustrated cause I dont click with anyone. Im better now but at least when I was younger I had more hope. Im kind of ready 
to throw in the towel


----------



## upndownboi

I know that I have big issues I need to work on first. By being mentally healthy/healthier I believe its a LOT easier to meet and connect with someone.


----------



## lonesomeboy

I think for some people, like myself, its too late...


----------



## aloneanddizzy

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


First distinction for me is that I *never* looked good. I *thought* I did, but I was deluded, and only later did I learn the truth and suddenly come to understand why every woman seemed to bolt for the door when I looked their way. (I used to think they sensed my desperation and loneliness, but now understand it was much more fundamental than that.)

When I finally got slapped in the face with this fact, about five years ago, I looked in the mirror and saw an ugly guy moving headlong toward 50 years of age, very shy around women, with zero experience, zero prospects and (as if all of that wasn't enough) worsening health problems. It was then that I knew it was too late - that this was no longer a possibility for me. So I gave up.

I don't *think* I will end up being single. I *know* it. There never was any other possible outcome for me, even when I was younger and healthier, and there certainly isn't any alternative left now.

How I deal with it is to think about it as little as possible. Except when I see my married friends having to deal with the more unpleasant aspects of married and/or family life &#8230; I cling to those moments and tell myself how lucky I am that I don't and won't ever have to worry about such things. Also, as I have gained more and more health issues to deal with, I have had correspondingly less and less mating drive that needs to be ignored. But on certain days when I am not feeling too bad, ignoring it can still be a chore.


----------



## erasercrumbs

There are lots of ways for someone as pathetic as me to find romance. Black magic, lying about my occupation, brain/body transplant, hypnosis, reverse psychology, bribery, pheromone spray, extensive plastic surgery, a doomsday plague that leaves my potential mate and myself as the only two remaining humans, and leprechaun chicanery. They're all viable at this point.


----------



## aloneanddizzy

erasercrumbs said:


> There are lots of ways for someone as pathetic as me to find romance. Black magic, lying about my occupation, brain/body transplant, hypnosis, reverse psychology, bribery, pheromone spray, extensive plastic surgery, a doomsday plague that leaves my potential mate and myself as the only two remaining humans, and leprechaun chicanery. They're all viable at this point.


Haha, I like it! I might suggest adding "construct a robot girlfriend" to the list.


----------



## erasercrumbs

aloneanddizzy said:


> Haha, I like it! I might suggest adding "construct a robot girlfriend" to the list.


Already done it! Well, it's not really so much a 'robot' as it is an effigy made of Kleenex boxes, Goodwill clothes, and human hair, but it fills the girlfriend niche nonetheless.


----------



## alovelymystery

Jeez…this post really hits home for me. I’m going to turn 30 in a few months and my family is getting on my last nerve about finding a mate. They expect me to get married and have children right away or bust.

In my world, turning 30 is a major event in a persons life. Your supposed to have established yourself through schooling and a career and be ready to settle down by now. I get constantly nagged by my mother and grandmother to hurry up and have kids or to look for a man. They don’t really know about or even understand my disorder or any of my concerns. They see me as shy and quirky rather than having a genuine issue with social anxiety. 

I wouldn’t mind dating but at this point in my life I think it would be best to start by seeing someone who can relate to me (directly) as in they also have SA or something similar. I just cant see myself dating an ordinary guy and then asking that person to be forgiving of my problems. 
:sigh

-Nicole


----------



## windchimes

victoriangirl said:


> As much as I hate to admit it, currently living in one of those 'lesser developed' countries, I do have to say that guys from the 'West' do have a higher chance of meeting a girl in this country. Pretty and/or educated ones too. And even me!!! There are many reasons for that - men in these countries usually just see a woman as a commodity, women are expected to stay at home and take care of the kids, men pay no attention to female sexual desires or needs, they are often very jealous etc. But I would not use these 'facts' as a strategy to find a woman over here. There is obviously so much more to finding a 'woman'.
> 
> Back to the topic: most of the time I try to accept the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life. I don't mind being single in social terms (they can say whatever they want behind my back), but I do miss having that single deep connection to the human kind. Right now and forever I will just feel like an alien. So I guess I am just counting down the days for my spaceship to come and rescue me and take me to my own little planet.
> (this topic does get me very depressed)


There are plenty of lazy men in america who have no motivation to better themselves and they would love nothing more for a woman to work two or even three jobs to support them...at least the men in some other places do take care of tneir families...


----------



## windchimes

I also feel like an Alien too, your not alone in that feeling, I know a few people whom are wonderful kind compassionate people who feel that way, cause in this world its just such a dog eat dog world, no one really cares, they act as if they do but its for show or for a REASON...I been sought after once cause I had very pretigous address where I reside, we rented an really nice older home and to this day we have no idea why the rent was so low, we thought it was a mix up but it was the real deal, after we moved in, people were nice, friendly, etc, till they learned we actually did not own the home, oh the horrors of it all, renters! I had to actually give up living there cause of the really mean terrible remarks and the fact that NO ONE would really be open with us, I mean not even an wave...I then figured that i could buy a home in the same community but live in a more middle class are and pay the same amount of money, which i did...only to find that even the working middle class here are looking to hook up with someone who can do something for them, with a few exceptions like my elderly neighbor who is the only reason I think I have not left this overrated snob infested community...then if you do live in a solid working class area these days, you might get shot...so I guess I take the snobs cause I enjoy feeling safe at night enough to keep my front door open.


----------



## Cynara

erasercrumbs said:


> There are lots of ways for someone as pathetic as me to find romance. Black magic, lying about my occupation, brain/body transplant, hypnosis, reverse psychology, bribery, pheromone spray, extensive plastic surgery, a doomsday plague that leaves my potential mate and myself as the only two remaining humans, and leprechaun chicanery. They're all viable at this point.


-Nice! lol

To answer the OP's question, I think one of the best ways to meet people who interest you is to move toward something you love and get involved with that. It could be taking a class (doesn't have to be high pressure), or volunteering to help with a cause that you like, or even getting involved online in a forum that deals with a subject of interest. I've taken my own advice in the past, and it's worked for me to a certain degree. Yeah, it's hard to put yourself out there and be among people (yuck!), but it can pay off.

However, as some have already pointed out, it's important to have dealt with some of your issues before you try to involve someone else in your life romantically, if you want it to last. And ay, there's the rub. But ultimately, even some effort is better than none at all.


----------



## Zendo

Just wanted to provide an update on what I'm doing to find someone. Got chatting with this woman on a dating site who lives fairly close (well not _that_ close, probably an hours drive, but still). Few years younger than me, looks very sweet. If things go well I might try and meet up and just see what happens.

I checked back on my earlier post in this thread and I said I wasn't that bothered right now and thought I should wait until I sort my life out before I try but on second thoughts, I'm pretty sure meeting someone nice would fast-track my progress and help me feel more positive. I'll let you know how it goes if anyone's interested. Fingers crossed.

Anyone else seeing small signs of progress?


----------



## cavemanslaststand

Zendo said:


> Just wanted to provide an update on what I'm doing to find someone. Got chatting with this woman on a dating site who lives fairly close (well not _that_ close, probably an hours drive, but still). Few years younger than me, looks very sweet. If things go well I might try and meet up and just see what happens.
> 
> I checked back on my earlier post in this thread and I said I wasn't that bothered right now and thought I should wait until I sort my life out before I try but on second thoughts, I'm pretty sure meeting someone nice would fast-track my progress and help me feel more positive. I'll let you know how it goes if anyone's interested. Fingers crossed.
> 
> Anyone else seeing small signs of progress?


Awesome!!!!!! This made my day.

I'm having bits of progress as well. I've been asexual for years and started to get out of my shell. [I'm basically the guy in the movie Seven Pounds. I didn't practically kill people from an accident like he did, but my job ended up busting a lot of family people which I can never forgive myself for in this life time.] But enough about me.

I hope she will be accepting to you, and you find qualities in her enduring. I give most women the benefit of the doubt that they are or can be warm and kind [save the witches].


----------



## NoName99

I have no plans to find someone. I wouldn't be able to follow them anyway. Well, not true. I would, just as I have in the past, but it's too much effort and too painful. I'm just going to wait for a girlfriend to drop in my lap, bearing gifts.


----------



## cloister2

I just try to talk to random people. They soon realize there is something wrong with me and get away from me fast.


----------



## parag0n

alovelymystery said:


> Jeez&#8230;this post really hits home for me. I'm going to turn 30 in a few months and my family is getting on my last nerve about finding a mate. They expect me to get married and have children right away


Can definitely relate to this. I just started taking classes again recently and my mother posts on facebook that she really hopes I find a wife on campus.

Now it's pretty much a running joke whenever I see someone I know. So pretty much I have to search outside of my circle and find someone who doesn't know how big of a loser I am and hopefully I can convince them otherwise. Maybe I'll move to a new city and start all over :idea


----------



## GoodTurtle

I get this all the time. . . People asking, "Don't you get lonely"? What a stupid question. Of course, I get lonely. But what irks me the most is that people don’t say this to me in private. No way, instead, they have a need to blurt this out in front of an audience, which does wonders for my paranoia, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc. Sometimes my reaction is hostile, which makes the situation even worse. I can’t remain calm long enough to think of an appropriate answer . . . appropriate to me.


----------



## Scrumpilump2000

erasercrumbs said:


> There are lots of ways for someone as pathetic as me to find romance. Black magic, lying about my occupation, brain/body transplant, hypnosis, reverse psychology, bribery, pheromone spray, extensive plastic surgery, a doomsday plague that leaves my potential mate and myself as the only two remaining humans, and leprechaun chicanery. They're all viable at this point.


This is hilarious! That sounds like some of the best sitcom writing I have ever heard. If you did indeed pen this gem of a quote yourself, congratulations! You are a very talented comedy writer. :lol :clap


----------



## indigo999

I never expected to find someone unless I got rid of SA and became normal. That hasn't happened so I will or must stay alone.


----------



## AK32

sootnstars said:


> I was thinking about this earlier today! I haven't put any effort into dating in over a year, so I'm hoping a dude will miraculous appear at my doorstep? At the same time, I've also accepted the possibility I might be single for a very long time (already over 2 years since my last relationship)...


I was hoping the same thing, but don't hold your breath because it hasn't happened for me yet. lol!


----------



## HughJ

I am going to move to a place where no one knows me, and I can start fresh. Like another country, not a new city in the USA.


----------



## ladyj

First find something you love to do...do it passionately and you will find a similar spirit. Believe me....it works.


----------



## sleepytime

ladyj said:


> First find something you love to do...do it passionately and you will find a similar spirit. Believe me....it works.


That actually sounds like really good advice.


----------



## Wessess

im going to try to find work and work out and then look for the ladies


----------



## AintISocial

Foreveralone crew.


----------



## NoName99

ladyj said:


> First find something you love to do...do it passionately and you will find a similar spirit. Believe me....it works.


Unless, of course, what you love to do is something that only people of the wrong sex love to do too.


----------



## Never a bride

I just joined this site today. I feel like the thing that is getting me down the most is being 31 and alone. I'm obsessed with these thoughts. I want to find my best friend and get married sooner than later. I truly feel like there is something wrong with me. I've been engaged 3 times, twice to the same guy (yes, I know big mistake). I'm the most caring, compassionate, honest person I know. People say I'm attractive all the time (I don't think I am)! So, I've been in 2 super serious relationships. The first lasted 5.5 years. We got engaged, he dumped me on the phone! At least we didn't have a wedding date. We were really too young. Then my last relationship which ended this past January lasted 3.5 years. We planned to get married in 2010. Everything was set. From the dress, the dj, everything in between. He tells me 3 months before the wedding that he wished he could marry me right then and there. Next day he dumps me. 3 months later on the day we were supposed to get married we get back together. I didn't push anything but he proposed to me again 4 months later. I said "yes". We waited a few months, set a new date at the same place. Almost everything was ready for the wedding and he breaks up with me again, this time 4 months before the wedding. I tried to get him to work things out with me but he said he was unhappy with me and our relationship. He ended up physically abusing me the day he broke up with mr. He never did that before and I'd never ever in a million years have thought he would do that to anyone let alone me. Anyway, I got back in the dating pool and I can't find anyone who wants me. They will be so into me the first few weeks and want to see me all the time and then all of a sudden are too "busy" to really date. I end up saying I don't want to date them anymore. Recently I met a guy who I have great chemistry with. I changed my complete approach to dating this guy. I am not pushing anything, I am not asking for much, just to date and see where things go. Problem is, he has virtually no time to see me. He did express concern about getting into a relationship since he works long hours, takes care of his mom, etc. I asked him specifically before we met if he would have time to date. He said definitely. Now he is afraid because he wants to see me more and take me out more and can't. He also expressed to me that he has problems with trust and opening up because he has been hurt. I said I feel the same way but I'm not going to just give up dating because of jerks in the past. I told him I wanted to take things slow anyway. The past week or so I am really feeling horrible. He doesn't have any time at all and the only communication we really have been having is text messages. So, here I an on here because I'm obsessing about this. Over analyzing. I just feel like there has to be something wrong with me. I have a feeling he will disappear like the rest. I really think the reason my relationships have ended is because of my mental health. I've had dystimic depression, OCD, and anxiety for 17 years. I've done just about everything possible to try and at least relieve the pain. Therapy, medication, light therapy, group therapy, inpatient therapy, partial inpatient therapy. I think I've been on every medication on the market. Nothing really helps. I try and read self-help books, and meditate but nothing really gets better. Sometimes medication will work for 9 months or so then stop and I just crash. My ex said he couldn't deal with my constant mood changes and didn't believe I would ever get better. I'm not bipolar. There arent any ups. The only times I feel happy is when something good happens in my life. Example: new job, new friend, and of course a new guy. I'm losing hope. I haven't told the guy I'm sort of dating I have any of these issue because it is way too early for that. Why can't I control my obsessive thoughts about being alone??? Sometimes I get to the point of why even bother. I'm jealous of other who are married. Everywhere I go I look at the ring fingers of women and men I think to be around my age. I guess I am pitting myself up against them to see how much better they are. Its like I seem married couples where the guy is much better looking than the girl and wonder what the heck is wrong with me? I keep myself in shape, dress nicely, and have intelligence and a kind heart. When is a guy going to pick me? I have no real way other than the Internet in order to meet guys because I don't have friends who live near me so I don't go out unless to shop or something. Not into clubs or bars. Definitely wouldn't go alone anyway. Does anyone know how I can find peace with being alone?? Everyone keeps telling me when I stop looking I will find the one but if I'm not getting out it's not like he is going to just knock on my door and say "I'm your knight in shining armor". The worst part of being alone is having no one to talk to, spend time with, and to love. Sorry for writing so much...my thoughts are running too fast! If anyone can help I'd appreciate it. Or even someone who knows what I'm going through. Just please me nice in responding. I'm here for help, not to get hurt.


----------



## jsgt

^^ It may not be a problem with you...but rather a problem with the type of guy you're choosing. Take a step back and figure out what you want, then be more careful with who you're looking for. You sound like you're in a hurry...and that's the wrong approach to starting a relationship. Learn to be content being single by picking out the positives, because focusing on the negatives will just keep you feeling bad. Might as well embrace it, right? Acceptance will keep you in a better state of mind.


----------



## ravens

I don't.


----------



## gaz

I'm getting more and more frustrated about being alone, yet i feel that i am only meant to alone. I don't have the social skills needed, and i sometimes thing i am aspie or something.


----------



## jimkon1479

rednosereindeer said:


> My plan is to hide behind the bushes with a baseball bat and wait until the right person comes along.


Dude, no


----------



## jimkon1479

Four words: Russian mail order bride


----------



## chummydobs

ok I live in a less developed country and yes I'm 36 single and desperate. no I won't grovel at any white man's feet to avoid being single for the rest of my life. I do however fear that possibility. yes unfortunately I belong to the educated poor....judged and rejected by both the educated and the poor. by the educated for ending up a loser with a degree and the poor for I just don't belong. I want to get married but, ok, can't. who would want to marry a poor smart-***?? anyway yeah you might have a chance coming to a poor country like mine but mostly girls here want to find love not companionship...same here you know can't find anyone who's real enough...or who's fearless enough to try being with me...wish you luck though


----------



## Tazbb2

No plans at all...it much easier that way.


----------



## metamorphosis

I'm going to play the game of odds. i am going to introduce myself and flirt with every beautiful chick i see. I will be denied a lot but denial is not an issue.It comes with the territory. So just by the sheer number of ladies I approach on a consistent basis. The chances of my scoring a few dates goes up incredibly. How romantic, huh!!!!

I just need to iron out some wrinkles. One being having the balls to approach all of theses ladies and two becoming desensitized to-'sorry, i don't think so",'sorry have a boyfriend, a lot of laughing "yeah rights" and "are you kidding"s.

It's kind of sounds really depressing and a real self-esteem killer, now that I envision it.

I know I'll just wait for the right one. Problem being is i had 2 right ones that didn't bloom and I'm a firm believer you are only allotted so many real, true loves in your life. And that once you blow the number, be it 2 or 4 then you're done and it doesn't matter what age you are at!


----------



## addictedtochaos

I don't. I know futility when I see it.


----------



## dismiss

Idk, I've been locked into a petty harassment drama at my job for so long now... I can't imagine having a personal life anymore... 
At least as far as sex and love go. I have a couple friends (guys) but that's it. It seems damned near impossible for a female at age 39 to even meet new people to be around. 
Plus, I look young for my age, & that _actually _makes things even tougher. 
I'm seen as a threat, so meet no new friends... 
If I go out to a bar alone, I feel like ppl believe I'm on the prowl... If I go with a male friend, no guy is gonna dare approach me. 
Or worse, younger guys try to score with me as a conquest to throw away after one night.


----------



## JamesM2

I don't. I have no inclination whatsoever to seek out a partner. I have visions of having one and spending time with them, secretly wishing they'd hurry up and go home/to work etc so I can have some more glorious alone time.


----------



## AngelClare

Aren't you at an advantage if you're a man 30+. Women from 28-35 want desperately to get married because their biological clocks are ticking. There are already fewer men then women. Factor in how many men are in prison, gay, are criminals or violent there are far more available women in that age range than men. 

I say: If you have a job you can have a wife.


----------



## Uffdaa

Arrghh.....that is the question right. 

Well, I think if I live in a big metropolitan city like I did a couple of years ago nobody will notice or care that I am single....anything goes. 

I do feel discomfort about being single. I don't want to be at least I don't think. 

Still I think I'm sort of thinking that I will be single and that there is not much I can do about it. 

Will Deal with it by baking and reading books. Focusing on work....

I really don't want children (I think if my life was different I probably would have enjoyed children a lot)---but I just don't see it happening.


----------



## will30

jimkon1479 said:


> Four words: Russian mail order bride


 Why would anyone want that? Someone who you can't have a casual conversation with? Not being ethnicist but just saying an american guy and russian woman, and really people make sex today seem more than just physical action, its the talking, the charisma that all goes with it too. Russian brides can't do that.


----------



## Jasmine123

will30 said:


> Why would anyone want that? Someone who you can't have a casual conversation with? Not being ethnicist but just saying an american guy and russian woman, and really people make sex today seem more than just physical action, its the talking, the charisma that all goes with it too. Russian brides can't do that.


I lived in a country with a large Russian population plus worked with several Russian women. They are not fussy about guys. The only thing that matters to most of them is that a guy wouldn't be an alcoholic as the alcoholism is a big problem among russian men. As colegues they were complete b*tches worst experience ever, but maybe it's was just that particular place.


----------



## Scrumpilump2000

metamorphosis said:


> I know I'll just wait for the right one. Problem being is i had 2 right ones that didn't bloom and I'm a firm believer you are only allotted so many real, true loves in your life. And that once you blow the number, be it 2 or 4 then you're done and it doesn't matter what age you are at!


Ha ha! I was in love with this chick in grade nine. I watched her from afar. Guess what the Lord did for me the next year? He gave her the locker next to me! Ah, but I blew that all to hell....too nervous, shy, ugly, depressed, whatever. I was sort of friends with her though. She was .....amazeballs. Sweet, beautiful, kind.

Also, this other chick. I met her through my roommate in 1998. All I had to do was talk to her. That's my two! Fool!

Ah, but it could be worse......some people get cancer when they're eight.


----------



## ryobi

I'm not doing anything, but I would like the companionship that comes from a relationship someday...


----------



## elvin jones

AngelClare said:


> Aren't you at an advantage if you're a man 30+. Women from 28-35 want desperately to get married because their biological clocks are ticking. There are already fewer men then women. Factor in how many men are in prison, gay, are criminals or violent there are far more available women in that age range than men.
> 
> I say: If you have a job you can have a wife.


Things are finally looking up! Haha. Just 2 more years to go.



> After age 26 men have a larger potential dating pool than women; by 48 their pool is almost twice as large. The median 31 years-old male user searches for women aged 22 to 35, while the median 42 years-old male searches for women 27 to 45.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness#Youthfulness


----------



## dismiss

^ Really? Where are all these men? Must be the no religion - don't want kids thing that keeps me single? 
I'm fairly attractive and have a fantastic body for my age... I don't get it?


----------



## metamorphosis

Scrumpilump2000 said:


> Ha ha! I was in love with this chick in grade nine. I watched her from afar. Guess what the Lord did for me the next year? He gave her the locker next to me! Ah, but I blew that all to hell....too nervous, shy, ugly, depressed, whatever. I was sort of friends with her though. She was .....amazeballs. Sweet, beautiful, kind.
> 
> Also, this other chick. I met her through my roommate in 1998. All I had to do was talk to her. That's my two! Fool!
> 
> Ah, but it could be worse......some people get cancer when they're eight.


So true, can always add to that list. Children and adults starving daily in 3rd world countries. Religious wars in the Middle East with bloodshed dating back thousands of years. People waking up scared, not knowing if today is the day they get their head blown off. Dictators, warlords, growing natural disasters, societal degradations along with the Earths natural degradation. Thank you, to all and to all a good night, not to sound to apocalyptic, nihilistic, and a dark pessimist buried in Warlord or Doom or whatever bloody game is the flavor of the month. I consider myself a realist and looking at the world as a whole can put my own GAD, SAD, agoraphobia, and whatever else is ****ing up the homeostasis of my brain. Bottom line: I'm not on a cancer forum. Knock on wood, I am on a SAD forum in context.

I do not down play any person's pain because every ones suffering is real in the context of our own little corner of the world. The magnitude of a person dying inside from a lovers death or the mental collapse of an agor. who can't leave his/her house can be pure hell for that person's constitution. The fact that we are living creatures with the ability to reason, to live consciously in a morally and ethically responsible way; Is reason enough to try and deserve to accomplish happiness and contentment in our lives.


----------



## M0rbid

I'm almost 30 and can't find anyone LOL. Gosh, it's like almost impossible without those bling blings and social skills.


----------



## ryobi

metamorphosis said:


> So true, can always add to that list. Children and adults starving daily in 3rd world countries. Religious wars in the Middle East with bloodshed dating back thousands of years. People waking up scared, not knowing if today is the day they get their head blown off. Dictators, warlords, growing natural disasters, societal degredations along with the Earths natural degradation. Thank you, to all and to all a good night, not to sound to apocolyptic, nihilistic, and a dark pessimist buried in Warlord or Doom or whatever bloody game is the flavor of the month. I consider myself a realist and looking at the world as a whole can put my own GAD, SAD, agoraphobia, and whatever else is ****ing up the homeostasis of my brain. Bottom line: I'm not on a cancer forum. Knock on wood, I am on a SAD forum in context.
> 
> I do not down play any persoson's pain because everyones suffering is real in the context of our own little corner of the world. The magnitude of a person dying inside from a lovers death or the mental collapse of an agor. who can't leave his/her hoase can be pure hell for that person's constitution. The fact that we are living creatures with the ability to reason, to live consciously in a morally and ethically responsible way; Is reason enough to try and deserve to accomplish happiness and contentment in our lives.


great post!


----------



## elvin jones

dismiss said:


> ^ Really? Where are all these men? Must be the no religion - don't want kids thing that keeps me single?
> I'm fairly attractive and have a fantastic body for my age... I don't get it?


It's probably the no kids thing.


----------



## CopadoMexicano

I wish I knew...


----------



## mighty atom

I'll never be anyone that anyone else would want to be in a relationship with so there's no point in planning anything


----------



## living

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


I think a lot of people in their 30's (and in general maybe) get involved in relationships even though they're not really into the other person. They "settle" because they feel they can't get any better and they fear what other people will think about their "single" status. The main thing that drives people to do this is fear of what you pointed out.

I've been there, getting involved in relationships out of fear.. just to have someone there... Duping myself into believing that perhaps the feelings will grow stronger. Nope had to learn the hard way.

I'm in my mid 30's and those questions crossed my mind before. But I let them go because they are very disempowering. These are the types of questions that lead to desperation and irrational choices.


----------



## Norton

Double Indemnity said:


> I'm hoping someone will take pity on me again one day. In the meantime, I have my cats.


That doesn't sound good wouldn't you prefer human companionship to cat championship


----------



## Norton

Dating is for the rich........there is no point me trying to even attempt to date. Also the probability of finding someone decreases with time


----------



## millenniumman75

Getting myself out there.


----------



## ravens

I don't know. I'll have to put myself out there which I've never been able to do. So right now I'm not doing anything, which is sad. I'm doing the same thing that I've always done which is nothing. I feel like bashing my head into a wall.


----------



## ourwater

I'm going to wear a nice sweat hoodie while jogging.


----------



## Morcalivan

I am holding thumbs for cloning. 

Then again, with all the self loathing going on, I am probably the last person the other me would like to date. 

*sigh* Why can't people be more like dogs and just love you because you feed them? Mind you, I'm more a cat person. I guess there really is no hope then.


----------



## Rocketman1973

I've been on a dating site for a while. I'm not holding my breath though and am not settling for just anyone. This gives me time to myself and concentrate on making myself happy. You can't make someone else happy, if you are not happy yourself.


----------



## cloister2

abduction


----------



## Butterball

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?


----------



## samsonites

I enjoy being single. I am single by choice, and I have women whom I have sex with on a regular basis.


----------



## Shauna

I don't ever plan on finding anyone. I'm too mentally and emotionally F'd up for a relationship. No man would be able to tolerate me for a sec,let alone a lifetime. 

I just want to be on my own anyway since deep down i'm a loner/introvert.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

Shauna said:


> I don't ever plan on finding anyone. I'm too mentally and emotionally F'd up for a relationship. No man would be able to tolerate me for a sec,let alone a lifetime.
> 
> I just want to be on my own anyway since deep down i'm a loner/introvert.


I don't think much of myself, and I cannot imagine someone finding me attractive, endearing enough. I remember being very young and thinking I would probably never get married. I am in my mid 30s and have never even been out on a date. I see couples all lovey dovey over each other and then I feel completely inadequate.


----------



## Gingernut

I had imagined that I would bump into him. I bumped into many that I liked but never batted an eyelid at me! humpf! I just end up becoming beer drinking partners with them lol

As an British expat, I have just joined a forum for other Brits and they're organising a meet up so I'm hoping there will be someone nice there but I've a horrid feeling they are all gonna be 65+ haha


----------



## Gingernut

I wish I could edit out my grammatical error. Now, I feel a fool! haha


----------



## Gingernut

hydinthebasmnt said:


> I don't think much of myself, and I cannot imagine someone finding me attractive, endearing enough. I remember being very young and thinking I would probably never get married. I am in my mid 30s and have never even been out on a date. I see couples all lovey dovey over each other and then I feel completely inadequate.


You took the words out of my mouth!


----------



## indigo999

Looking for a partner is like applying for a job, you have to think of yourself as somebody worth having and then sell yourself to them. How the hell do you do that if you have no confidence and only see your own faults through years of failure? Nobody has ever come on to me so that means I have to chase them which is humiliating to put it mildly. Apparently nobody likes someone who is desperate so if you are desperately lonely how do you hide it? Damn, maybe I should get a dog instead.


----------



## Rocketman1973

merryk said:


> This seems to be common. I don't get why people think it's ok to disappear and ignore others like that, I find it rude.


I agree, it's rude to just disappear, but it is very common.

At least you didn't have the same experience as my last date, a few weeks ago. I met a woman online, 6 years younger than me. We finally met in person at West Edmonton Mall for dinner, drinks and to see the new Batman movie.

It started off well. I bought the movie tickets first, then we headed to Tony Romas for dinner. While waiting for dinner, conversation started off great, then she admitted to me that she was a heavy weed user and was doped up before she met me that evening. I thought ok... whatever. While we were eating, our conversation became quiet and she was getting annoyed. I HATE talking while I'm eating and I told her that. After dinner, we went to a pub for drinks. After 5 minutes of sitting there with little to say, tears started running down her cheek. She turns to me and says "OMG I am soooooo bored". I never had a date say that to me before. I am assuming that her drugs wore off by then. I was so angry, I was ready to tell her to **** off, but I already spent $ 26 for tickets for the movie. While leaving the pub, she gets up quickly and instead of waiting for me to get up out of my seat, she was already walking out the door. She did the same thing to me at the restaurant. Very rude!!

After the movie was over, we walked out, once again, she is running off with out me. I walk her to her car and she sticks out her hand for a hand shake (like we were at a job interview). I thought I would at least give her a hug and so I did.

After that, never heard from her again. Stupid women lol


----------



## howard26

I just fear boring women to tears, like your story. That pressure of having to entertain, coming up with something clever to say, etc. is just too much work. I think when a mutual attraction happens, that stuff is effortless. Don't sweat it, she definitely was not for you.


----------



## littlefoot

I am a 30 something divorcee. No plans to meet someone. I am pretty messed up and tend to find the guys that are aweful to me.


----------



## komorikun

Okay. I think I've found a poster to put up in my future bachelorette pad.










And the music to play when I bring over boy toys.






:haha


----------



## keep2myself

I"m 42 and single, and find that people on dating websites are the messed up ones nobody wants. Still, I'm messed up so I fit right in. I'm to the point where I don't even want to deal with the anxiety of meeting anyone anyways. With feminism so ingrained into our society, I meet women and they seem so demanding about everything. In relationships, I like to give and just love the hell out of a person,and just end up feeling used and alone. It's kind of sad because my lack of intimacy and living in lonerville does take a toll on my health. But, lol, I also think the toll of being in a relationship could be just as bad. Trapped, I guess I got my vocal trance to keep me company..

http://pureblissvocals.blogspot.com/2012/08/lange-feat-stine-grove-crossroads-lyrics.html


----------



## SnakeEyes

Shauna said:


> I don't ever plan on finding anyone. I'm too mentally and emotionally F'd up for a relationship. No man would be able to tolerate me for a sec,let alone a lifetime.


I had to quote because this sums me up perfectly except change the man to woman. 

My marriage ended in 1998 and I haven't been on so much as of a date since July 1999. I _think_ I would love to be in a relationship again however years and years of being alone and incredibly bitter has surely ruined any chance of that ever happening. :blank


----------



## harrison

I just went back on a dating site - I'm crazy - i do this every time I stop my medication. (or even reduce it) I get horny (sorry) and then I "unhide" my profile. I've been chatting - online and on the phone - with a woman that contacted me this morning - but I'm already nervous. I'm such an idiot sometimes!!


----------



## nemesis1

Rocketman1973 said:


> I agree, it's rude to just disappear, but it is very common.
> 
> At least you didn't have the same experience as my last date, a few weeks ago. I met a woman online, 6 years younger than me. We finally met in person at West Edmonton Mall for dinner, drinks and to see the new Batman movie.
> 
> It started off well. I bought the movie tickets first, then we headed to Tony Romas for dinner. While waiting for dinner, conversation started off great, then she admitted to me that she was a heavy weed user and was doped up before she met me that evening. I thought ok... whatever. While we were eating, our conversation became quiet and she was getting annoyed. I HATE talking while I'm eating and I told her that. After dinner, we went to a pub for drinks. After 5 minutes of sitting there with little to say, tears started running down her cheek. She turns to me and says "OMG I am soooooo bored". I never had a date say that to me before. I am assuming that her drugs wore off by then. I was so angry, I was ready to tell her to **** off, but I already spent $ 26 for tickets for the movie. While leaving the pub, she gets up quickly and instead of waiting for me to get up out of my seat, she was already walking out the door. She did the same thing to me at the restaurant. Very rude!!
> 
> After the movie was over, we walked out, once again, she is running off with out me. I walk her to her car and she sticks out her hand for a hand shake (like we were at a job interview). I thought I would at least give her a hug and so I did.
> 
> After that, never heard from her again. Stupid women lol


Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Personally I would never take a first date to dinner and/or the cinema, as you have no idea what they are gonna be like in real life and could potentially be an expensive waste of time (as you found out). For a first date I usually just go for a couple of drinks in a quiet bar somewhere, then if I think they are worth seeing again I'll take them to dinner/cinema on the second date. Good luck mate...


----------



## forex

here in europe , the men (old and don't have time for relationship stuff) get married with women from asia. one of my supervisor were i did a internship married one too from thailand i think.


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## ravens

I'm 41 and I just don't see anything about me that can attract a woman. I'm not good looking, living with my parents, unemployed, and broke. I need to put it out of my mind that I'll get a girfriend.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I hope that I'll meet someone at college.


----------



## Sierpinski

I have no plans. When I was much younger, my plan was to go into psychotherapy. Supposedly, this would make me normal so I could be part of a family someday. This did not work. Of course, it takes many years to realize that it won't work, because it's billed as taking many years. By the time you realize it doesn't work, you are really left with nothing but impending oblivion. The psychotherapy scam is remarkably cruel.


----------



## NoMoreSAD2013

Guys i think its all about the effort you put in.i just saw a documentart of a lady with sad,and she does big time public speaking events. and she seems so confident now. guys nothing is impossible.as long as making sad go away your lifes priority , you will get into your best state. feel the pain today and face your fears,so tommorow it will hurt less,and less,and less,till you barely notice it. it may seem impossible now,but limiting beliefs are always incorrect.


----------



## Mirium

I'm 44, I was alone for 18 years. I recently met someone online, purely by accident, I wasn't looking, nor was he. It was really great for a while, but quickly went downhill due to misunderstandings and too high expectations on his part (of course, I'm subjective!!) 

A few days ago I'd given up - figured maybe I'd start looking in another 18 years... But lo and behold, I joined EHarmony today, sigh...they promised 8 matches, when I gave my credit card number, I got one "match" who sent me a message asking for "hot times" with me. The photo I put there is the same as the one on here...seriously is it suggestive? I just liked it because it showed me naturally without posing or makeup or fake stuff.

I'll keep the account for the month, but I wonder if anything will come of it. I haven't given up at all though. I'll be moving to Ontario next spring to go back to school full time and I hope to meet someone that way if the online stuff doesn't work out for me.

I want love in my life.


----------



## srschirm

Mirium said:


> A few days ago I'd given up - figured maybe I'd start looking in another 18 years... But lo and behold, I joined EHarmony today, sigh...they promised 8 matches, when I gave my credit card number, I got one "match" who sent me a message asking for "hot times" with me. The photo I put there is the same as the one on here...seriously is it suggestive? I just liked it because it showed me naturally without posing or makeup or fake stuff.
> 
> I'll keep the account for the month, but I wonder if anything will come of it. I haven't given up at all though. I'll be moving to Ontario next spring to go back to school full time and I hope to meet someone that way if the online stuff doesn't work out for me.
> 
> I want love in my life.


Oh dear...no I think it's a great pic, not suggesting anything really. Online's worked a little for me, although all of my serious relationships have been long distance (thank goodness for planes and interstate highways!).

I also want love more than anything really.


----------



## Brian Peppers

I've basically given up looking in my native country. Women are so hypergamous that I do not stand a chance. If you don't have good looks, social status (such as having many friends and high social standing), then your basically never gonna get a decent looking girl. There are fat ugly girls who must feel like me, but I feel no sexual attraction to them and couldn't perform sexually for them, so a relationship would be a waste of time with them.

I'm thinking of looking to Thailand for a girlfriend. They seem much nicer to guys which don't have great looks or great status, plus they have way fewer fat women out there.


----------



## komorikun

Brian Peppers said:


> I've basically given up looking in my native country. Women are so hypergamous that I do not stand a chance. If you don't have good looks, social status (such as having many friends and high social standing), then your basically never gonna get a decent looking girl. There are fat ugly girls who must feel like me, but I feel no sexual attraction to them and couldn't perform sexually for them, so a relationship would be a waste of time with them.
> 
> I'm thinking of looking to Thailand for a girlfriend. They seem much nicer to guys which don't have great looks or great status, plus they have way fewer fat women out there.


Thailand is poor so by their standards the average British/American guy is pretty wealthy. That's why they are willing to date old, unattractive foreigners.


----------



## Brian Peppers

komorikun said:


> Thailand is poor so by their standards the average British/American guy is pretty wealthy. That's why they are willing to date old, unattractive foreigners.


I would rather go there and experience sex rather than die a virgin in my 60's in Great Britain.


----------



## komorikun

Brian Peppers said:


> I would rather go there and experience sex rather than die a virgin in my 60's in Great Britain.


I'm not saying don't go there. But just be aware that the attention you will get is because of money most likely.


----------



## Brian Peppers

komorikun said:


> I'm not saying don't go there. But just be aware that the attention you will get is because of money most likely.


Is that all women are concerned about thesedays when looking for a relationship? I'm sure not all Thai women are gold diggers :roll.


----------



## komorikun

Brian Peppers said:


> Is that all women are concerned about thesedays when looking for a relationship? I'm sure not all Thai women are gold diggers :roll.


There are different levels of gold digging. Wanting your husband to be middle-class and dating someone around your age and attractiveness level is different from dating someone 20 years older whose income is 10-20 times yours. The latter is making a huge trade-off. Not all Thai women are gold diggers of course but the young ones marrying old white guys almost all are. Not that I blame them or think they are bad people for doing that. If I was that poor I'd probably do the same thing. There is nothing wrong with gold digging.

You might also find that some people like you because you are foreign but they would be more around your age. I'm not sure if you could tell if they liked you because of money or because you are foreign in Thailand though. In Japan too, white women and men get a lot of attention from the opposite sex but that's cause of the exotic factor not because of money. So you won't see old white guys dating young Japanese women.


----------



## erasercrumbs

Mirium said:


> I'm 44, I was alone for 18 years. I recently met someone online, purely by accident, I wasn't looking, nor was he. It was really great for a while, but quickly went downhill due to misunderstandings and too high expectations on his part (of course, I'm subjective!!)


I'm sorry it didn't work out for ya. If you'll pardon my being nosy, was he simply trying to rush into things?

I'm asking because I've never been able to get the timing right in a relationship. Sometimes I'm accused of going too fast, and at least once I've been rejected for my refusal to hurry up and make a move. In the off chance that someone shows any kind of romantic interest in me ever again, I'm hoping to know when I should open up.


----------



## harrison

Brian Peppers said:


> Is that all women are concerned about thesedays when looking for a relationship? I'm sure not all Thai women are gold diggers :roll.


Don't want to be a party pooper mate but I think you can pretty much count on the women you meet there as being interested in one thing and one thing only - your money. As long as you are aware of this that's fine, and you can have plenty of fun, but you really need to be careful - they can be very aggressive and will try to get you to buy them a bike, or a house - most likely both! They will then get rid of you and live in the house with the boyfriend or husband they had all along, while they were declaring undying love to you. They're ruthless. Tell them to get lost. (or words to that effect) - I'm talking about bargirls here, of course, but they are the sort of girls you will meet. The chances of meeting a regular girl/woman are probably fairly remote. If you do, that's different obvioulsy. Just be aware of what you are getting yourself into.

There's a really good author from your country - Stephen Leather - he wrote a book called "Private Dancer" - they should make it compulsory reading for any western males even thinking about going to Thailand. Have fun. 

Edit: Sorry to be a downer but I'm very cynical and have heard every story there is - look after yourself.

Oh yeah, sorry - excuse me ladies - wear protection - there's a lot of AIDS up there.


----------



## nemesis1

Brian Peppers said:


> I've basically given up looking in my native country. Women are so hypergamous that I do not stand a chance. If you don't have good looks, social status (such as having many friends and high social standing), then your basically never gonna get a decent looking girl. There are fat ugly girls who must feel like me, but I feel no sexual attraction to them and couldn't perform sexually for them, so a relationship would be a waste of time with them.
> 
> I'm thinking of looking to Thailand for a girlfriend. They seem much nicer to guys which don't have great looks or great status, plus they have way fewer fat women out there.


I know a guy who is in his 30's, never had much luck with women over here so went to the Philippines for a little while and came back married to a girl from there. Everyone was saying she is probably just using him but they seem really happy together :stu I can see why he did it though. He said that women over there were throwing themselves at him everyday, where as women here in the uk wouldn't look twice at him.

Anyway, I dont think I would look for a girlfriend from that part of the world as it all seems so contrived. They all seem to push hard for a quick marriage which really bothers me.


----------



## NoMoreSAD2013

Brian Peppers said:


> I've basically given up looking in my native country. Women are so hypergamous that I do not stand a chance. If you don't have good looks, social status (such as having many friends and high social standing), then your basically never gonna get a decent looking girl. There are fat ugly girls who must feel like me, but I feel no sexual attraction to them and couldn't perform sexually for them, so a relationship would be a waste of time with them.
> 
> I'm thinking of looking to Thailand for a girlfriend. They seem much nicer to guys which don't have great looks or great status, plus they have way fewer fat women out there.


For men looks defenitely do not matter. yes social standing is important,but then again u can have no social circle whatsoever and still be attractive. i do feel for girls though.their survival mechanics are not the same as men. you wonder why women care about hair and makeup so much, its their whole well being!


----------



## NoMoreSAD2013

nemesis1 said:


> I know a guy who is in his 30's, never had much luck with women over here so went to the Philippines for a little while and came back married to a girl from there. Everyone was saying she is probably just using him but they seem really happy together :stu I can see why he did it though. He said that women over there were throwing themselves at him everyday, where as women here in the uk wouldn't look twice at him.
> 
> Anyway, I dont think I would look for a girlfriend from that part of the world as it all seems so contrived. They all seem to push hard for a quick marriage which really bothers me.


yeah,different cultures in different parts of the globe. in the end though i think people are still people and still respond the same to fundamental rules of attraction


----------



## ravens

I fear that when I get up the nerve to talk to women and ask somebody out my lack of money and a job will hurt me. Not to mention that I'm not that good looking anyway.


----------



## Mirium

erasercrumbs said:


> I'm sorry it didn't work out for ya. If you'll pardon my being nosy, was he simply trying to rush into things?
> 
> I'm asking because I've never been able to get the timing right in a relationship. Sometimes I'm accused of going too fast, and at least once I've been rejected for my refusal to hurry up and make a move. In the off chance that someone shows any kind of romantic interest in me ever again, I'm hoping to know when I should open up.


Not nosy at all. He rushed, I was desperate. I think he regretted rushing in, and it's over now. Personally though...I don't go by timing. I think that it all has to do with connection. I think you should always make a move and take the risk if you meet someone you like. If your gut instinct tells you that the other person seems interested, I say go for it. The worst could happen and your heart is broken, but wouldn't you rather try then not at all? In our case, he told me he loved me after less than a week. But in my view, whether it's a few weeks in or a few months...if you've spent lots of time getting to know the person, and your feelings are genuine, why get boggled up with timing? But each person is different. I've heard of some girls having pre-conceived time frames like...no "I love you's" before 6 months together, that's silly to me, because quality time together can make a week feel like you've know a person for months...but it's all a risk in the end isn't it?


----------



## harrison

Mirium said:


> Not nosy at all. He rushed, I was desperate. I think he regretted rushing in, and it's over now. Personally though..*.I don't go by timing. I think that it all has to do with connection. I think you should always make a move and take the risk if you meet someone you like. If your gut instinct tells you that the other person seems interested, I say go for it. The worst could happen and your heart is broken, but wouldn't you rather try then not at all? *In our case, he told me he loved me after less than a week. But in my view, whether it's a few weeks in or a few months...if you've spent lots of time getting to know the person, and your feelings are genuine, why get boggled up with timing? But each person is different. I've heard of some girls having pre-conceived time frames like...no "I love you's" before 6 months together, that's silly to me, because quality time together can make a week feel like you've know a person for months...but it's all a risk in the end isn't it?


That's exactly how I think and how I lived my whole life - and I'm still here so I guess something is working! I just go with my gut feeling as well. I hate it when people set time frames on things - if they do things like that I tend to steer clear of them. My life has been pretty crazy, but I've had an enormous amount of fun and I intend to have a lot more.


----------



## Double Indemnity

I'm going to learn how to do this:


----------



## Biggles

Double Indemnity said:


> I'm going to learn how to do this:


She's good. I counted 5,477 consecutive successful flips before i had to take a break .


----------



## Double Indemnity

Biggles said:


> She's good. I counted 5,477 consecutive successful flips before i had to take a break .


----------



## harrison

Double Indemnity said:


> I'm going to learn how to do this:


Well now that would definitely get _my_ attention - that's for sure!!

How often do flights go to "God's country" again?


----------



## harrison

Biggles said:


> She's good. I counted 5,477 consecutive successful flips before i had to take a break .


Well that's a relief Carl - I thought maybe I was the only one that was having a bit of trouble moving on to a different thread!


----------



## garth560

erasercrumbs said:


> My plan is just to leave a fresh Pop Tart on my porch every morning. Eventually, it has to attract somebody or some_thing_ interesting.


Hahahahaha that's gold :clap


----------



## Double Indemnity

don36 said:


> Well now that would definitely get _my_ attention - that's for sure!!
> 
> How often do flights go to "God's country" again?


There's an airport hub in God's country so lots of available flights. But here's the thing: talents like this aren't developed overnight. It could take years for me to pull this off. I'll start doing lunges now .


----------



## harrison

Double Indemnity said:


> There's an airport hub in God's country so lots of available flights. But here's the thing: talents like this aren't developed overnight. It could take years for me to pull this off. I'll start doing lunges now .


I'm a very patient man.


----------



## Chris 316

Im packin my **** already if that's the case.


----------



## falling down

Double Indemnity said:


> I'm going to learn how to do this:


Well hello there! Would you look at that. She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on. You're extremely attractive, you're gorgeous. I'm looking at you, I can't even remember my name. When women smile at me I don't know what it means. Sometimes I interpret it like they're psychotic or something. And I don't know if I'm supposed to smile back. I don't know what to do. My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met. I'm 33 years old; I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal ... medium orgasm. I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.


----------



## qiuetmind

When you reach 50 you just give up. I have tried dating sites but I found they suck. Sometimes I think who ever reads my profile thinks I am a goody goody. Do no wrong, not after money, sex, out going overly attractive men. She must be strange!


----------



## falling down




----------



## MNM

i dont
ive accepted i have the friendzone for life thing going. so i wont have anyone


----------



## CBOlyphant

I wish I knew. Been out of the dating scene a few years due to my anxiety and now that I'm ready to get back out there it's not as easy as it used to be. I actually think I'm more attractive/better put together now than I was back in my dating heyday but it's just harder to meet people in your 30s than your 20s. You get caught up in work and paying bills and taking care of responsibilities and you barely notice the people passing by you in the world.


----------



## keep2myself

I commented already but am with you on the hypergamy. Read the profiles women leave on the dating sites, I mean really read them, it's to obvious. I've wasted lots of time chasing these creatures, sometimes your personality will never fit with her directives, on the other hand it's pretty easy to get a girl to love you if you can get her attention, and got the goods, which includes money, charm, and sperm. Once she gets those she changes as much as you change when she starts having sex with you. Also, pathetic that someone jacked this thread with a gif of a girl sticking her *** out at you. If I ever shacking I'd likely end up marrying foreign as well, American girls have what I call to much to be desired. My best chat friends have all been foreign girls.



Brian Peppers said:


> I've basically given up looking in my native country. Women are so hypergamous that I do not stand a chance. If you don't have good looks, social status (such as having many friends and high social standing), then your basically never gonna get a decent looking girl. There are fat ugly girls who must feel like me, but I feel no sexual attraction to them and couldn't perform sexually for them, so a relationship would be a waste of time with them.
> 
> I'm thinking of looking to Thailand for a girlfriend. They seem much nicer to guys which don't have great looks or great status, plus they have way fewer fat women out there.


----------



## RockmanJL9981

I'm not sure how I'll find a wife, I signed up for eharmony, but always get too nervous when I have to go and meet the person. I hope that I can either find someone, or be satisfied with being single.


----------



## senrab

31 here, it's not going to happen for me. I give up.


----------



## FranzKafka

There are always opportunities. As long as you do not lock yourself up in your room. As long as you simply go out and place yourself where others are to be found, the possibility that someone will approach you exists.

For example, i lead a largely reclusive life. More so in the past. But when i go out i still manage to talk to people, and some talk back. Of course if you are in a state of absolute isolation it goes without saying that first you will have to take smaller steps...

I met a girl today and if i wanted to (i think, not sure) i might have had been able to ask her out. I did not, for many reasons. But the possibility existed. And i seldom meet new people anyway...

So the question is formed in such a way that one has to make divisions in his answer... If you are an utter recluse you should try to make basic contact first, perhaps by talking to someone in a place you feel comfortable with, like a bookshop you might go to. If you feel you cannot even do that (i mean make small-talk) then you should first try to examine why that is so with a therapist.
Then you can move on and make more daring contact. It took me 8 years of therapy, and one whole year of minor socializing (small-talk, getting to somewhat know other people etc) to get to the point where i now am, where i think i am able to make the next step.


----------



## MsDaisy

I'll tell you what worked for 43 year old isolated me. I Facebook friended lots of people that I didn't even know. Friends of friends & such. I went out on several dates, one after the other for about a month. Spent a lot of time reading books like, "Act Like A Woman, Think Like A Man", "Boy Meets Girl". I was about to give up when finally I met a great, nice guy that happened to be an x-boyfriends, sister's x-boyfriend. We chatted for about 3 days through Facebook, then over the phone, then went out, got married, and moved in together on our first date. Seen it, loved it, snagged it. That was the best decision I ever made. To heck with everything you read in those dating books, just follow your instincts, keep trying, be brave, and never give up.


----------



## Rawb

I have no $%@ing clue  I have trust issues


----------



## Lincolnradiocat

Not planning so I don't really worry about it..until I fall into the trap of comparing myself to my peers. If I can avoid that, then, if it happens great. If not, great!


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

senrab said:


> 31 here, it's not going to happen for me. I give up.


I gave up a long time ago.


----------



## VivaEmptinessRoses

TheVoid said:


> I agree. I try not to think about it but it just gets rubbed in my face all the ****ing time.
> 
> Like today, an ex-employee came by to visit my boss after 2 years. She saw that I was the only one still hanging around while most others have gone for better jobs etc. So she came over to me to say how happy she was to see me (which is BS) and she also asked if I was married.
> 
> I said "no, not yet". She gave me that awkward, pitiful look. I have had enough of this crap really. It is bad enough not having anyone in your life to also have to deal with those "wow what a loser" looks.


:ditto


----------



## IcedOver

Each year I tell myself that I'm going to try to go on a date, and each year I never even try. Now this year is almost over and dating is far from the top of my priority list. The top spot is occupied by a matter that I need to take care of that is causing me extreme stress and worry. However, I'm in my usual October procrastination mode, because I like this time of year, and so am not dealing with that even though I know I should be. 

I deleted my PoF profile months ago, but just now I went back and foolishly looked around again. I came upon a 30-year-old woman's profile that interested me back when I had an acccount. Her photos were cute and I liked what she said about being "a tad lost in life" -- not that that's good, but it seemed she was somewhat in my league and different from other women who only talk about positive stuff. She posted different photos since I was last on the site, and she just looks really cute, the type of girl I'd like to meet lookswise. I know I shouldn't preoccupy myself with the idea of dating when I have this personal situation that I need to attend to, but a tiny part of me wants to send her a message.


----------



## ilsr

Last time I was on a date, it ended horribly where I was kicked out after midnight because the lady got scared I think when we started cuddling and kissing. She got up and told me it was late. Then later told me via email she had stayed up reading. Basket case. And she asked me when was the last time I was on a date probably because I'm not a "smooth" player. I helped her go shopping and we talked for about 6 hours prior. What a waste of my time. I refuse to be another fodder "friend" to lean on while she finds a player to mate with.


----------



## ilsr

IcedOver said:


> Her photos were cute and I liked what she said about being "a tad lost in life" -- not that that's good, but it seemed she was somewhat in my league and different from other women who only talk about positive stuff. She posted different photos since I was last on the site, and she just looks really cute, the type of girl I'd like to meet lookswise. I know I shouldn't preoccupy myself with the idea of dating when I have this personal situation that I need to attend to, but a tiny part of me wants to send her a message.


Exactly. It's always about how they love life, go out to football games, like watching sports, outgoing, etc. That anyone who just goes for walks or bike rides , reads books, or plays computer games, doesn't even belong on PoF.

Kind of reminds me of the minor football wannabe leagues. The women who didn't get and keep the best "successful" guys of their dreams. So they whine about it and it's everywhere in those profiles of "what could have been".


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## matt404

I'm not quite 30 yet, so I'm posting in this forum out of turn, but I feel like I'm 30+. I don't really know how I plan to find someone anymore. When you reach this age it feels like everyone is in their own little bubbles and aren't all that interested in letting anyone else in. Friends and relationships are already established. The majority of people are already married. Just making friends becomes difficult. Combine that with my general ineptitude at dating and relationships and I mostly see myself being alone forever. I think a lot of me has given up.


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## FranzKafka

Well we just have to try. Speaking as someone who in reality NEVER tried to speak to a girl (and was too nervous when girls spoke to me) i can say that it is guaranteed failure to not try. Your imagination can lead you to very wrong paths, and although i too still feel that i would be placing myself in harms way if i spoke, i realize that it is better to try and fail rather than to not try at all ever.


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## simian4455

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


I intend to earn quite a bit of money so that I can buy a couple of wives. And I'm rather picky too. Yep.


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## Fairydust

I'm in my late thirties now so I just don't worry about it any more.


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## Psychofarm

soulstorm said:


> I used to like being single but in the last few years the loneliness has gotten the best of me. Every year that ticks by gets more lonely as my friends and acquaintances get further tied down with their families and careers. To make matters worse I can't decide whether I'd be more happy single or with someone else. I read all of these stories of heartbreak and depression when relationships have blown up and ruined lives. If I could ever find someone that I feel understands me even 90% I think we could make it. I literally am scared to jump into anything, but I can't go on being this lonely.


I empathize with this completely. I'm nearly 35 and have had virtually no dating experience. I have watched my two sisters and numerous friends go through tremendous heartbreak and turmoil in their love lives. Yet despite this I can't get past how lonely I am, and I still feel I need to take the risk even though I'm hyper sensitive to everything, insecure, and generally not well-adjusted in any way shape or form.

And of course it gets harder the older you get. At my age, what women who is not a complete disaster herself would want anything to do with someone with no experience? And I'm not just talking about the physical aspect (though that is still intimidating as f***), I feel I've missed an important stage in my emotional development as a man, that I'm an awkward teenager in the body of an aging adult. There just doesn't seem like any good way out. I'm dragging this tremendous weight behind me, and as the months and years fade away that weight only gets heavier.


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## baxman

well im almost mid 30s and i think i gave up a long time ago.i didnt consciously give up but my mind and body gave up for me.i dont even have the desire to meet new people anymore tbh.i can talk to women but the idea of getting serious with them just isnt there.i dont even desire sex much at all anymore and socializing is often not enjoyable to me so how would i enjoy a relationship?seriously, im not outgoing, casual talk is boring to me, i only seem to enjoy 1-2 things so how could i sustain a relationship with a woman?


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## hypestyle

an attractive, older woman seemed to flirt with me the other day at work (shoulder 'punch', followed by shoulder rub that lasted, well, longer than I expected).. I'm loathe to read more into it, but I couldn't help but to notice it.. lol..


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## cloister2

As a virgin with gray hairs and getting wrinkled, instead of giving up I'm desperate.


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## simian4455

jimkon1479 said:


> Four words: Russian mail order bride


The good thing about being male is that brides can literally be bought.


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## Kiwong

I'm wondering about surviving. dating is not high on my list of needs. Everyone thinks I am hitting on them, but no one is flattered by anxiety.


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## ImOnlyDreaming

Finding someone isn't really that high on my list of priorities, I guess because being in a relationship has always been more stressful and disruptive for me than being single and it's very easy for me to feel tethered and suffocated. 

I need a lot of freedom to do my own thing and be myself and to this point, I haven't met someone who didn't start trying to mold me into his vision of what I should be. I'm not saying I wouldn't like a relationship in the future, but right now I am content to correspond with friends and share viewpoints and that is enough for me. 

I plan to continue with my higher education and my advance in my career, but also get more active socially in my hobbies (it can't all be work, heh), so I may meet a like-minded person that way, but as I said, I don't feel any particular rush right now.


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## Mongoose

I guess I don't plan on finding anyone. Like a user above said, only a desperate woman would want to be with a 34-year-old virgin who has never had a girlfriend. My "hope" now is just to lose my interest in women so I will stop feeling so bad about having missed out on all this.


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## AQuietReader

I'm trying online dating. I don't have many high hopes for it but there's a chance. As a thirty year old virgin I feel like there's really no hope in finding a meaningful relationship; that that ship has sailed. There's this guy who I used to live next door to who keeps texting me asking me to sleep with him; I'm thinking of just taking him up on it.


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## midnight766

TheVoid said:


> You are getting older, more and more stressed and it is starting to show. You don't look that great as you used to. You have no social life at all.
> 
> How on earth do you plan to find someone decent for a partner? Do you think you will be single forever? If you end up being single, how do you plan to deal with the loneliness and not be shattered by the society which constantly rubs it in your face?


I was lucky enough to find someone through online dating. The key to making it work is don't go in with any expectations at all and just start a casual conversation with someone you have things in common with. It's going on 11 months that we've been together.


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## midnight766

erasercrumbs said:


> I plan to wow them with my Star Trek Commemorative Plate collection.


Wow, that was awesome. But I know for a fact that there are tons of attractive female Star Trek fans, so unless you were being serious, you could be in for a surprise.. check out the comic cons!


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## Mongoose

midnight766 said:


> I was lucky enough to find someone through online dating. The key to making it work is don't go in with any expectations at all and just start a casual conversation with someone you have things in common with. It's going on 11 months that we've been together.


I'd have no expectations, so I have that covered, but what if you're not attracted to anyone you have anything in common with, and what if the ones you're attracted to don't respond to you?


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## shammie

My answer.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/i-will-never-find-love-oh-wait-a-minute-216774/


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## Michael127

FranzKafka said:


> There are always opportunities. As long as you do not lock yourself up in your room. As long as you simply go out and place yourself where others are to be found, the possibility that someone will approach you exists.


I wish it was this easy. I go out lots of times to coffee shops, to pubs, to poker events and I am still single. Some of us have behaviours that sabotage us. I swear my subconscious just will not let me connect with someone of the opposite sex.

For instance, I was at the coffee shop last Sun. and I saw a good looking girl there, who I had seen before. I made eye contact and I could tell she was checking me out, but I could not do anything. I was like a deer in the headlights. I walked to the opposite side of the room and read my paper as usual. Lol. It truly is pathetic.

So, I continue to hope that my counselling sessions will turn my life around, but this never happens. I find that counselling helps a little. Meanwhile, I am completely lonely and feel this longing for connection, which I will not allow myself to experience. We are our own worst enemies (some of us).


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## CK1708

Just sitting and waiting for the right person to come along......been waiting for at least 5 years now.

I think I would have to be drunk and for the girl to be drunk as well


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## Mitkeon

As for myself, i think that unless somebody finds me, i'll stay single. I don't have much experience, i'm afraid of relationships ... And i suck in bed. And i also kind of enjoy being alone at times.

I'm ok as long as i have friends, family, and friendly colleagues. I know this is not going to last forever. But i'm not sure a relationship would help me replace them.


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## losermanlol

I think I'll have to dig some pits or something but I might forget to go outside and find skeletons :S


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## BillDauterive

Why can't I just lose the desire for a woman completely so it never nags at me again? 

Only way I can get a woman is from abroad who only wants me for a green card. Ugh, my pride is still too high to go that route. Maybe as I get older and even more desperate for sex and/or companionship, I'll finally crack and do that. :no


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## MosaicM80

First post here, as this has been bothering me lately as I'm 32 now with ZERO prospects for dating. Not to mention the whole social anxiety thing causing me to have horrible social skills since I've never had a friend in my life. But also the fact that I am a blue collar worker in America that doesn't make much money and I don't own a car (I ride the bus to work). This basically kills your dating status in America. If you don't have a car in the USA, you are a non-entity to the fairer sex.

As far as wishing I'd lose the desire for a woman, I totally understand the want for that. I've semi-seriously considered some sort of chemical castration so I wouldn't have to stress about sex. However, the whole loneliness thing probably wouldn't go away. Right now I'm just hoping I can someday get a car and try to start dating somehow. Probably my best and easiest bet is online dating. But getting a car will probably take me years with the way my life is going right now.


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