# ....I'm condescending...????? :/



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

OK, so i'll [try] not to babble on too much here...

Usually, i get along with my co workers quite well. All the girls i've met so far are really lovely and upbeat but still focused at work and we work as a team.

Ive had a couple of little hiccups here and there, but for the most part i just do what i need to do at work (the customers love me) and i make lots of sales without barely any problems.

So today i had to do replenishment of bags and the girl in charge asked me if i knew how to do it ( i said i did, cos i was trained this already) but then she said to go out the back and do it all at once, rather than look it up on the computer (which is whati was trained to do btw, and makes it easier cos it shows u a pic of the bags ur looking for....)

But, because she was stressed and in a bit of a cranky mood, i didnt want to argue with her..... so i tried finding the bags on my list via brand name and SKU number only... I got a bit overwhelmed cos i didnt want to go back out and ask her for help, so i asked another one of the girls and i thanked her (she asked me why i cant look on computer i told her why and shrugged)

Anyway, i'll get to the point... the girl who originally asked me to do this task got a bit mad at me because i didnt ask for help in the first placeor something and i explained what i said to the other girl and that i didnt want to bother her....... and at one point she said that i was "condescending" (Keep in mind, that this person, as lovely as she is, has her moments where she goes off for no reason, but anyway)

I got very upset by what she said and my stomach turned into a knot. She left the room, but i just stood there confused, literally saying it over and over... "im condesending? How? How is that possible?"

I've had, in the past, other ppl (from different workplaces and jobs) say this to me also, and its hurt me.

You see, i get so bloody anxious about what i say, what i do, how i say it, who i say it to... And i know ive said some things in my life that have hurt ppl, without meaning to or realising it, and ive apologised sincerely afterwards to the point i will worry for days afterwards!

But the reason im so upset is because

A.) Im already so friggin anxious about talking at all to ppl at work.. i get flustered easily and babble alot...

B.) Im very careful to not say anything as to offend or upset anyone...

And yet here i am again, being told that im condescending! And this doesnt just make me angry, it makes me sad and confused... What if all thru my life this keeps happening??

So i pulled this girl aside and talked to her honestly how i felt and i asked her HOW exactly i was condescending so i could work on it..

She said how i phrase things. I said ok. She said the tone i use. I said ok.
She mentioned how the other day she asked me howi was going at work and what i thought so far... and i said "It seems pretty easy, so im happy"

(I did not say it in a rude or sarcastic, 'im better than u' way.) I was simply stating my opinion!

But she said it came off as arrogant? WTF. So i explained that SO far its easy, and like every job, it has its pros and cons. I mean, come on. Why do ppl even bother talking to me if they dnt like what i have to say??

I said this to her exactly... "With all due respect, i understand that u may misinterpret me, but i really am anxious about talking to ppl at all.. i mean, the customers never seem to think im being rude.. this is exactly why i dnt like talking to ppl. This is why i dont make friends at work.. Cos i come off as rude somehow, when thats EXACTLY what im trying to avoid!!!" <<<< I said all this while hyperventilating btw I felt like i was gonna pass out i was so anxious.. 

Someone asks me to do something, im really chipper and positive and fake, its unbelievable.. I put so much effort into being effing "normal" and yet i STILL annoy or piss off ppl.

Sometimes i wonder why i even speak at all!

Now im even MORE anxious to talk to ppl at work.....

Has anyone else had something similar happen to them??


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## TooBad12 (Jan 21, 2015)

Hey just keep being yourself, cause I think you are wonderful.  you'll do great as long as you believe in you like I do. <3


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

You sound very nice. I think she is just a ****, ya know?


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Ok, so today I came into work with a fresh start. 


Deciding not to let yesterdays comments and clashes get in the way of a job I actually like, I made sure to be nice to everybody and keep positive.


Anyway, literally mins into starting work, our regional manager (who was in for the day) pulled me aside and took me out back to sit me down and talk about some comments she’s heard from customers and most importantly, other staff members. She questioned me on some stuff and wanted to hear my side of the story.


After awhile she called in the girl I had conflict with the day before and had us both openly discuss any issues/misunderstandings/anger etc we had with eachother.


During this time the regional manager mentioned (and so did the other girl) that I tend to use my anxiety as a “crutch” or excuse. I felt a bit annoyed at that because being lazy is an excuse, having anxiety is something I cannot control easily. I expressed this. The regional asked if anxiety within working in retail would be a problem and if this is a good fit for me.


I told them that in other jobs it has gotten in the way, but within the last 6 months it had gotten dramatically better. I mean I still have my moments where I might get tongue tied or nervous babble. But I mean… unless I tell anyone I have anxiety, they wouldn’t even notice unless I was severley anxious at present time. She asked if I took any medication or did counselling? (are they allowed to ask me this???) I said no, im handling it myself. She said I might want to. I said nothing, but I wanted to scoff at this, because it seemed very rude, but anyways…


I then said to her.. ”Look, being in retail can be a bit of a challenge,sometimes a big challenge, but I came to a point not long ago where I had a choice.. to stay safe and stay back, or push my limits and break through that wall and go forward and progress.. I know I can keep progressing further and getting even more confident and anxiety free, and besides, anxiety with customers is not an issue so I don’t know what the problem is… im so much better off now cos I didn’t let anxiety affect me, so for you to say anxiety overtakes my life, is ridiculous”


We talked about how im condescending. Apparently I dnt smile enough ??? I don’t know. I sound happy to me but im working on expressing it with my eyes too (when im at work) 



I never had anyone say this to me in an out of work context btw. All my friends will tell u how happy I always am and how im always smiling so I was confused at this, but just said ok I’ll work on it.


Basically, me and this girl shook hands and said sorry and we will work on being more open and responsive with eachother and keeping those communication lines open and so we are happy. Like if she asks me to do something, I’ll repeat it back to her to make sure its 100% correct.
I know that when she has a certain tone not to take it personally. (I told her this.. I said she can be condescending too but I never usually say anything…)




All in all I think it went well. Still a bit miffed by how im condescending or how my words got SEVERLEY misinterpreted in a few cases, but for the most part im happy we are working better are a team, and there is no resentment. Just clear communication. And if anyone has a problem we tell eachother honestly to eachothers faces etc –thumbs up-


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## FujiApple (Dec 26, 2014)

Condescending, might just be your microexpressions, which sometimes people get a sense of but don't quite fully realise.

The twitch of your lip before you say yes to something or a split second grimace, etc.

I'm also in retail and I spent a lot of time trying to understand personalities and how people will react to things. It's been kind of interesting and stops me from getting bored when the words get stuck in my throat.

Your being competent comes across, but the whole not going for asking for help (at first) when getting the bags is something of a flag to a supervisor, reason being that it may happen again and you don't ask for help then get injured while looking or maybe not ask for help carrying them back and open the workplace to lawsuits or damages.

Also, try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they're handling overseeing tasks, think of all the times where you wanted some understanding from people and then didn't get it.


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## TheBrokenGuy (Jul 12, 2013)

First off, I think your a very nice person Melly and keep being who you are at the end of the day. I'm sorry your having to deal with some of this nonsense. Why can't we just do our jobs without having any trouble and go home.

The world would be a much better place if it worked liked that. It doesn't though sadly. It's good though you all had a talk about the situation and hopefully it will get better now. Some people though just like to walk all over the nice ones cause they feel powerful doing it. From what I've experienced.

Stand up when you feel it's the right moment, but do it in a way that's respectable. If you didn't do anything wrong, tell them why are you acting like this to me?

I believe in you Melly =).


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Well, writing too much so we can understand is a little condescending :lol


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

@sajs

Yes i do realise i write quite alot, but the whole point of this forum and this thread in particular is to describe, express and vent whats going on in our lives and our minds.

Therefore, if you dont like it, dont read it. Simple


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

Hey there,

Good for you for standing up for yourself - that takes A LOT of guts. You should be proud of yourself for that. 

I don't want to stir the pot now that this situation is resolved, but frankly reading this has me a bit angry. I really feel like you were treated poorly here. I don't think you were condescending AT ALL. I also think this person who was throwing her weight around used the fact that you are open about your anxiety against you which resulted in people who are completely ignorant about SA questioning your competence not based on your performance but based purely on stigma.

I've had many jobs that a monkey could do, and there is always that person(s) who takes it way too seriously and get up their own butt about it. These people are idiots and bullies. 

Sorry if that sounds a little condescending


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> @sajs
> 
> Yes i do realise i write quite alot, but the whole point of this forum and this thread in particular is to describe, express and vent whats going on in our lives and our minds.
> 
> Therefore, if you dont like it, dont read it. Simple


I was kidding, the smiley at the end should have gave you a clue.

But since you got it that way, and replied in such a manner, I guess you now have the answer to your own question .


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

@sajs

Apologies. Hard to read tone via text. Some ppl use smileys with sarcasm so i wasnt sure.
Regardless, what i said is true, whether u meant it that way or not.
Thats why i get angry when other ppl pour their heart out and then in return have ppl scoff or joke at their expense. But thank u for clarifying u were just kidding. I was fairly certain u were, but had to defend myself just in case.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> @sajs
> 
> Apologies. Hard to read tone via text. Some ppl use smileys with sarcasm so i wasnt sure.
> Regardless, what i said is true, whether u meant it that way or not.
> Thats why i get angry when other ppl pour their heart out and then in return have ppl scoff or joke at their expense. But thank u for clarifying u were just kidding. I was fairly certain u were, but had to defend myself just in case.


Ok, no prob. I will like that you ask me first if you are in doubt rather than jump into conclusions, I will reply.

Regards.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

But you're so niiiice!


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