# New boyfriend: Erectile dysfunction



## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

So after years of not dating I went out, met a man and have started dating him.

I spent the night at his apartment on Saturday but we did not have sex. We just cuddled. Last night I went to his house again and it happened. Well, kind of.

He appears to have a real problem with erectile dysfunction. He was able to have an erection but he wasn't really hard and he couldn't maintain the erection long enough to finish.

I put it down to it being the first time and all but as the night went on it became clear that he has a pretty severe case of dysfunction.

There were hours of foreplay but no more intercourse. We tried several times but the erections went away within seconds.

He seems to be very used to it so I kind of know that it has probably been like this forever. He is 37 btw.

I felt very frustrated. Of course, I did not say anything but it was basically the big pink elephant in the room.

What to do? I like him but no intercourse is an issue.

Can any of you relate? Also would quite like to hear from guys who experience that kind of thing. It has got to be a pretty harsh thing to not be able to have intercourse. How should I best handle this?


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## CaptainPeanuts (Oct 29, 2015)

See if he can get that V stuff, the pill. I think theres other meds you can take too for that kind of prob, and hes prob taking something that causes the ED. It's good to see a womans perspective on this, because I was once there myself. I guess it does matter.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, I thought about Viagra but I cannot exactly raise the issue over a coffee. It's tricky because I have just met him. It seems that it has been going on forever and I would think that he has tried everything. He must have.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Anxiety may be an issue for him and repeated failures exacerbate the issue. It kind of depends on how you reacted to it, but not to say any if this is your fault.

It deserves a frank discussion and it really depends on how patient and supportive you feel you can be.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

There can be different causes for it, from what I understand.
Some medication can do it for example, and psychological things as well.
I guess the best way would be to try to talk to him about it in a non-accusing, non-blaming way. It's something he should probably see a doctor about, as embarrassing as it can be, though he might have already. He might know what's causing it.
But being communicative in a way where you show that you like him and you're talking about it because you want things to work on all levels between you (and not to emasculate him), I think that's the way to go.

You're a reasonable and thoughtful person, so I'm sure you can talk to him about it in a good way, though I'm sure it's also awkward and difficult for you.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I've never had a problem "getting it up" but I have had problems, with my last gf, with finishing. I don't pretend to have all the answers, Idk why it was such an issue, but I was with her for, idk, probably five or six times before I could cum. Sry if that's tmi.

I think a lot of it had to do with anxiety. And, I mean....she was the first woman I'd been with since my ex-gf, the one that killed herself. I had a lot of anxiety, and a lot of guilt about even being with my new gf. For reasons I can't really fully explain and that anyone that hasn't been a survivor of a suicide will probably ever understand. It took a while. She was patient, I think she was starting to maybe get a little frustrated, because she couldn't "get me off", and she really wanted to. We talked about it. She didn't know exactly the reason why, but she knew I had been through a really, really bad breakup and that my ex was a big issue with me. She was really understanding and like I said patient and I think that helped me to get over it. (Tbh, I really don't think she minded all that much that I could go forever without getting there lol, but it eventually became an issue).

Anyways I bet it's anxiety related. And I'm betting that because he couldn't do it once, now he maybe has anxiety about whether or not he'll be able to do it again. Idk. Maybe you two should try and just play, fool around, let your fingers wander, let his wander, and maybe the performance anxiety or whatever it is? will go away. Just let things happen. As long as things aren't rushed I'd imagine he will get there, it may just take a little time.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I had this problem with each person I've been with. Being with a new person on such a level is pretty nerve-racking(for me anyway), but as time went on, I got more comfortable with them and had no problem staying hard. How long have you two been going out before deciding to have sex? The reason I ask is...it might be too soon and this guy isn't too warmed up to you yet, so that might explain his problem. That was the case with me. I'd suggest to give it time and be understanding. The worst thing you could do is show frustration. That will probably be amplified 10x in his mind because nothing is more humiliating than not being able to perform in the bedroom.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

KyleInSTL said:


> Anxiety may be an issue for him and repeated failures exacerbate the issue. It kind of depends on how you reacted to it, but not to say any if this is your fault.
> 
> It deserves a frank discussion and it really *depends on how patient and supportive you feel you can be.*


I have a strong sense that it has been like this for him for a long time, possibly always. I only just met him so I will try but I don't know how supportive I can realistically be. I will give it another go but I am pretty worried for this relationship.



Milco said:


> There can be different causes for it, from what I understand.
> Some medication can do it for example, and psychological things as well.
> I guess the best way would be to try to *talk to him about it in a non-accusing, non-blaming way.* It's something he should probably see a doctor about, as embarrassing as it can be, though he might have already. He might know what's causing it.
> *But being communicative in a way where you show that you like him and you're talking about it because you want things to work on all levels between you *(and not to emasculate him), I think that's the way to go.
> ...


Yes, totally awkward and difficult. I barely know the guy. It is something that can be carefully addressed if people have been dating for a while but after a few dates? Tricky.



TenYears said:


> I've never had a problem "getting it up" but I have had problems, with my last gf, with finishing. I don't pretend to have all the answers, Idk why it was such an issue, but I was with her for, idk, probably five or six times before I could cum. Sry if that's tmi.
> 
> I think a lot of it had to do with anxiety. And, I mean....she was the first woman I'd been with since my ex-gf, the one that killed herself. I had a lot of anxiety, and a lot of guilt about even being with my new gf. For reasons I can't really fully explain and that anyone that hasn't been a survivor of a suicide will probably ever understand. It took a while. She was patient, I think she was starting to maybe get a little frustrated, because she couldn't "get me off", and she really wanted to. We talked about it. She didn't know exactly the reason why, but she knew I had been through a really, really bad breakup and that my ex was a big issue with me. She was really understanding and like I said patient and I think that helped me to get over it. (Tbh, I really don't think she minded all that much that I could go forever without getting there lol, but it eventually became an issue).
> 
> Anyways I bet it's anxiety related. And I'm betting that because he couldn't do it once, now he maybe has anxiety about whether or not he'll be able to do it again. Idk. Maybe you two should try and just play, fool around, let your fingers wander, let his wander, and maybe the performance anxiety or whatever it is? will go away. *Just let things happen. As long as things aren't rushed I'd imagine he will get there, it may just take a little time.*


Sorry to hear about your story. Something like that would upset anyone quite a lot.

I thought we should let things happen. And I did. But he seemed so used to it. And that he was so very, very experienced in doing other stuff like it was what he always did instead. It was like he had resigned himself to not having intercourse.



jsgt said:


> I had this problem with each person I've been with. *Being with a new person on such a level is pretty nerve-racking*(for me anyway), but as time went on, I got more comfortable with them and had no problem staying hard. *How long have you two been going out before deciding to have sex?* The reason I ask is...it might be too soon and this guy isn't too warmed up to you yet, so that might explain his problem. That was the case with me. I'd suggest to give it time and be understanding. The worst thing you could do is show frustration. That will probably be amplified 10x in his mind because nothing is more humiliating than not being able to perform in the bedroom.


I think it is pretty common to have problems to start with. But so severe? And he was the one who really wanted to have sex. So did I but he was really very keen. And then that? So strange.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Lisa said:


> Yes, totally awkward and difficult. I barely know the guy. It is something that can be carefully addressed if people have been dating for a while but after a few dates? Tricky.


I'm sure both of you would have avoided the situation if there was any way to.
But hmm.. maybe the question is, what is the alternative?
If you had done something really embarrassing during one of your dates or in bed, would you want him to say nothing and just try to continue as if nothing had happened next time? Or would you want him to say something to reassure you?
I don't mean that as a loaded question. People have different attitudes towards those things, but it's hard to say what he'd prefer - and what you prefer in the role you're in now.
I think if it were me, I'd be so scared that she was too disappointed and too turned off and with one foot out the door, so reassurance would probably be good for me.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Milco said:


> I'm sure both of you would have avoided the situation if there was any way to.
> But hmm.. maybe the question is, what is the alternative?
> *If you had done something really embarrassing during one of your dates or in bed, would you want him to say nothing and just try to continue as if nothing had happened next time?* Or would you want him to say something to reassure you?
> I don't mean that as a loaded question. People have different attitudes towards those things, but it's hard to say what he'd prefer - and what you prefer in the role you're in now.
> I think if it were me, *I'd be so scared that she was too disappointed and too turned off and with one foot out the door, so reassurance would probably be good for me.*


Thanks.  That puts it in perspective.

I will not raise it when I see him and will see how it goes instead. He must be pretty worried that I will leave.

If it will be exactly the same then I might have to call it quits but for now I will see what happens next.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Have you asked him what his fantasies are? I know that's kind of awkward but the only time I ever had problems like this was when I had specific fantasies and the person I was with just wasn't into it. Or there were times when I didn't really talk to them about my fantasies because it was too awkward or they didn't ask.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Have you asked him what his fantasies are? I know that's kind of awkward but the only time I ever had problems like this was when I had specific fantasies and the person I was with just wasn't into it. Or there were times when I didn't really talk to them about my fantasies because it was too awkward or they didn't ask.


I see what you mean but it was a first time together. That is very soon to be talking about fantasies. I did ask what he liked but we did not go into fantasies.


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## Depo (Jan 30, 2015)

I don't think it has to do with his age (he's still young.) One of my ex-bfs was 37 and we'd have intercourse twice a day (even more when we spent the night together), he'd last very long and he didn't have any problems finishing. But he was the kind of man who had a very active sex life even before I met him and also after we broke up (he had sex with someone else and I broke up with him because I found out.)

Some men, even those who are younger, have problems achieving/keeping an erection because they watch too much porn. They don't have active sex lives so they resort to porn in order to fulfill their sexual impulses and some of them do this on a daily basis for years. After that they become too desensitized and end up having sexual disfunctions when they are with a real woman. I've been with someone who had the same issue as your bf and he confessed to me that he watched too much porn. 

I'm not saying that your bf watches too much porn, I'm just saying that this could be the problem. The only way you can find out is talking to him about this issue without judging him. Other problems that could cause this are: health issues (specially if he's overweight), like diabetes or hypertension; anxiety (does he have money issues? work issues? family issues? sexual performance anxiety?); medication like ssris, etc. He must go to a doctor if his problem is severe, because this kind of problems never go away on their own. You just have to be very patient and very supportive, don't try to push him and make him realize you're with him in order to help him out.


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## Jason Keener (Nov 29, 2013)

Lisa said:


> So after years of not dating I went out, met a man and have started dating him.
> 
> I spent the night at his apartment on Saturday but we did not have sex. We just cuddled. Last night I went to his house again and it happened. Well, kind of.
> 
> ...


Please, please be patient with this guy. Erectile dysfunction is a very hard thing (pun intended) for a guy to deal with. Even my doctor admitted to me that he struggled with it.

There is a good chance that your bf is suffering with "performance anxiety." A lot of guys feel like they really have to deliver when it comes to the main event, which makes it difficult to just relax and enjoy it. I would let him know that there is no pressure for him to perform well and that you just want to enjoy the time with him. Eventually, he will probably be able to come around as you get more familiar and comfortable with each other.

Viagra and/or Cialis might also help give him a physical or mental boost in the right direction. Either way, I see no harm in bringing up Viagra or Cialis so long as you don't act in a demanding or demeaning way about it, which I'm sure you wouldn't. I'm sure this guy already feels bad enough.

Lastly, do you know if this guy has used a lot of pornography and masturbation for sexual gratification? Some guys have become so accustomed to the dopamine hit from watching porn video after porn video and masturbating vigorously that normal sex in a soft and wet vagina is no longer adequately stimulating to them. Look up porn-induced erectile dysfunction for more information.

Best of luck!


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

he's too old, his erection days are over, maybe if he was younger and masturbating for the first years, just let him masturbate by himself, thats what guys like


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

Long Island Knows The Truth


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

MobiusX said:


> he's too old, his erection days are over, maybe if he was younger and masturbating for the first years, just let him masturbate by himself, thats what guys like





ButteredToast said:


> Long Island Knows The Truth


Long Island knows nothing. In fact, to me he has been known to randomly ***** at people for no reason at all.


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

Well, maybe he just doesn't find you attractive. :/


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Try something else? Cupping balls. Rubbing in a different way, not just tugging. Talking him into an erection. Emotions pop it up for me, not just physical things.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

ButteredToast said:


> Well, maybe he just doesn't find you attractive. :/


I seriously doubt that, newbie.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

It is very likely to happen to someone with anxiety, especially if their first times were uncomfortable.

The first 2 times I 'almost' had sex, the girls I was with rushed it too quickly and tried to have sex on the first date, I was really uncomfortable cause I was virgin at the time and cause it felt just way too soon and weird/rushed and they made me feel terrible about it. Those 2 experiences negatively effected my sex life in the future. It's a lot better now, but those 2 situations kind of scarred me because it 'would' have been my first times but (IMO) they messed it up by doing it too early, and I messed it up cause of anxiety, and then my brain got this feeling of associating sex with all this anxiety and ****, it took me a long time to recover from it.

I know your situation is not exactly the same, but the anxiety can have a strong effect on the brain and sexual reaction. Adrenaline will kill an erection fast.

If he's had bad experiences in the past with sex and anxiety, it's going to exist until he has positive/relaxing memories of sex to override the old ones.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

MobiusX said:


> *he's too old*, his erection days are over, maybe if he was younger and masturbating for the first years, just let him masturbate by himself, thats what guys like


What a load of nonsense.

The man is 37. I'm 20 years older than that and have never had that problem in my life. You have no idea what you're talking about.

OP - I would suggest talking to him. Why think about leaving the relationship if you haven't even found out what the problem is? Maybe you guys can work it out - would be a shame to just throw it all away.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

ButteredToast said:


> Long Island Knows The Truth


Bull****


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

don said:


> Bull****


Don't take too much offense to it. He is one of many well known for spouting out purposely offensive statements that they know aren't true or greatly exaggerated, probably to get a rise out of people.

You'd think they have something better to do than troll a website forum for people with social/mental issues. Come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen one reply from Mobius that wasn't intended to flame or mock the OP. No idea how he's not banned.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Sagacious said:


> Don't take too much offense to it. He is one of many well known for spouting out purposely offensive statements that they know aren't true or greatly exaggerated, probably to get a rise out of people.
> 
> You'd think they have something better to do than troll a website forum for people with social/mental issues.


Thanks for that.

This is a mental health forum - and posters like him remind me of it daily.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Maybe he watches too much porn and has little experience with real sex. I heard porn can cause erectile dysfunction because you're used to some pretty hardcode stuff so normal sexual encounters just don't excite you.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

Lisa said:


> Long Island knows nothing. In fact, to me he has been known to randomly ***** at people for no reason at all.


some guys prefer others not to touch them sexually because only they know how to do it right, his penis is not up means you're just not doing it right or he doesn't find you sexually attractive or he's too old and his erection days are over


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

It's not a question of porn. You need to know how often he ejaculates regularly before anything else.....once a week, 10 times? It may be too much. If not, then he probably has a problem.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

The guy's a dud


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

There isn't anything anyone here can do for you. He needs to talk to his doctor and seek treatment. It can be caused by a lot of things, however if it's bothering you then tell him, open communication is best.


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## inker (Nov 16, 2015)

Lisa said:


> ...he seemed so used to it. And that he was so very, very experienced in doing other stuff like it was what he always did instead. It was like he had resigned himself to not having intercourse.


To me the above quote means: he's a sensible guy, not used to getting on on the spot, he need's time to relax and he really needs to talk about it openly with you. An "almost" erection means is in his head. NO erection means doctor stuff.

Talk to him, be gentle because this is the worst thing that can happen to a man...seeing hes not really a man. *Other men that never had this issue have no idea how is like*. Been through it, imagine feeling shame-useless-weakness-disappointment all in the same time. Be a little patient with him if you want to and he's gonna be fine. Oh and his resigning is a sign it affects him a lot and he is blocking it. Is easier to "jump" over that moment and finish in other ways than dealing with it.


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

Lisa said:


> I seriously doubt that, newbie.


If you say so, honey. 0


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

Guy probably watches too much porn. LOL


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

SA go0n said:


> Guy probably watches too much porn. LOL


Yeah.. Dudes mushroom tip is experiencing all kindsss of desensitivity(well aware that it's not a word)


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

If it's not too personal, what did you do for foreplay?

*TMI WARNING FOR PRUDES*

When I'm with a girl who is ready but a bit nervous & insecure, I start with a back massage, then full body massage, use my lips too and kiss them all over while doing it. Then progress to giving them slow, gentle oral, throw in some compliments, tell them how hot it is, how turned on I am by them, how sexy they are. Then ask them, in a sultry way, for their permission for intercourse. Make them feel like they are in control.

At this point they're usually relaxed and warmed up and ready to enthusiastically participate.

So I'd recommend the same for you. Full body caress, some compliments, slow passionate oral, then take it inside you. You say he was really keen and wanted it, but maybe he was hiding how nervous he was?

He might benefit from a c___kring or viagra/cialis but like you and others have said that is really awkward to talk about early on. See how it goes next time, maybe just first time with a new girl jitters and now he'll be fine.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Viagra is great. Just get him to get some. Problem solved.

If you care about him and if he is also concerned about this problem, I'm sure you can bring it up in a kind way. It'll fix the situation.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Staticnz said:


> Viagra is great. Just get him to get some. Problem solved.


Most of these issues stem from cardiac/circulatory problems. Hardly solved, it will get worse without treatment.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

peace_love said:


> Dang dude, you know what you are doing. Lol.


Haha thanks. I'm very passionate about the activities that temporarily relieve my depression and anxiety. It might sound ridiculous but sex saved my life. That's why I advocate to others to have more sex, it can work wonders when you're down in the dumps. Few orgasms and naked cuddle sessions later, life doesn't feel so bad anymore.

Doesn't even take sex sometimes. I just got back from a second date where I kissed her goodnight, I'm feeling butterflies.

It's more than the act itself. It's the ultimate vulnerability and trust and feeling of acceptance


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

Was he using a condom? he might not be used to condoms - it's like a screwing a latex glove. sometimes if you're not used to them you can't feel anything- and yeah. also you have to get hard before you put the damn thing on, and then after you go through the awkward challenge of that - it's like "okay i'm finally hermetically sealed and ready to go!" not all guys have that problem, probably because they've had a lot of practice and aren't chronic masturbaters, but some do.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Most guys on here don't have intercourse. You cant have erectile dysfunction if you aren't having any sex, or even have someone to have sex with.

If he is 37 and has been dealing with this thing all his life, it could very well be a physical thing that meds or therapy can fix. Maybe he has been too ashamed to go, and he just hopes his partners can deal with it.

If you are happy with truly making things work with the intercourse issue then no sweat. But if you're making a post about it on SAS, it has to be serious. 

It seems like you quickly found and started dating this guy, considering from your last thread about getting back into the dating game... are there are other suitors in line? If you aren't happy it's OK to look for another man with a better erection game.


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## Owl Eyes (May 23, 2011)

I had been in that situation. It was super awkward. I think the viagra thing sounds like a good idea. If you are too afraid to bring it up then you aren't really that comfortable with him. Give it some time for you to get to know each other some more and then try mentioning it when you become closer. In the meantime just refrain from the sex part.


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## thing (May 17, 2012)

He's 37 with ED lol. He's probably watched way too much porn.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

xxDark Horse said:


> Maybe he watches too much porn and has little experience with real sex. I heard porn can cause erectile dysfunction because you're used to some pretty hardcode stuff so normal sexual encounters just don't excite you.


A review of Pubmed , the largest online database of medical literature, reveals that there is not a single published study linking pornography and erectile dysfunction. A search for the terms "erectile dysfunction pornography" yields 52 publications. Of these, the bulk are studies that use pornography, or "visual sexual stimuli" (VSS) to test erectile dysfunction. In fact, urologists and researchers have found that pornography viewing is an effective, noninvasive and reliable test for psychogenic erectile dysfunction. One fascinating study  identified that the brain activities of men watching pornography are not significantly different in men with and without erectile dysfunction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201308/erectile-dysfunction-myth


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## ThatLoserNoOneCaresAbout (Feb 7, 2015)

This is exactly what I've been dealing with. Except my boyfriend was 22! It has really crushed my self esteem and made me feel like I'm unattractive. Dealing with erectile dysfunction is probably the most self esteem crushing experience a woman can face in her sexual life.


Lisa said:


> I think it is pretty common to have problems to start with. But so severe? And he was the one who really wanted to have sex. So did I but he was really very keen. And then that? So strange.


I feel the exact same way. How could he say that he wanted me and finds me attractive if he couldn't even keep his erection to me? What was the entire point of that? We had sex multiple times and he was never able to maintain an erection at either time.

It's nice to hear other women have dealt with this problem as well. Op you are pretty so he's probably attracted to you.

My boyfriend always says it's because of his "death grip" and "excessive masturbation since he was 11". I don't know, don't guys masturbate every single day already? I don't buy it that it's caused by masturbation or porn viewing when most guys do that all the time but don't have too many problems with sex.

For my boyfriend, he's probably very physically unhealthy since he's fat, an alcoholic, sedentary, and a smoker. Also he's a very depressed and anxious person. He has been trying sensitizing creams and has tried to stop masturbating for a while. It hasn't helped much, but hopefully it may be only a temporary problem.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

This happens occasionally but if it keeps happening.... Try again a few more times and if it keeps happening then I'd ask him if this has been an ongoing problem of his. Touchy subject though. 

Does he have diabetes by the way? I've read that men with diabetes have a lot of problems with getting erections. Men with cardiovascular problems (narrowing of the arteries) also.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)




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## Memory Motel (Nov 24, 2015)

ahh the joys of having a vagina, just leaving your front door and having men lining up to date you.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Has it improved since? Unfortunately. the same thing has always happened to me whenever I'm with a new partner. I just can't get hard because I still feel tense and self conscious. It quickly goes away once I'm comfortable though. It might help to start slow and tickle his penis while making out. Another thing you might want to try is spooning for awhile and pushing you're butt into his junk. The cuddling will help him relax and then the movement of your butt should get him excited.


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## ThatLoserNoOneCaresAbout (Feb 7, 2015)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Has it improved since? Unfortunately. the same thing has always happened to me whenever I'm with a new partner. I just can't get hard because I still feel tense and self conscious. It quickly goes away once I'm comfortable though. It might help to start slow and tickle his penis while making out. Another thing you might want to try is spooning for awhile and pushing you're butt into his junk. The cuddling will help him relax and then the movement of your butt should get him excited.


are you sure you were attracted to her? How much has to do with attraction? Why were you uncomfortable


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

ThatLoserNoOneCaresAbout said:


> are you sure you were attracted to her? How much has to do with attraction? Why were you uncomfortable


Yes, I'm sure. Because I have anxiety. Anxiety makes the muscle of the penis constrict.


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## ThatLoserNoOneCaresAbout (Feb 7, 2015)

I really fked up really bad.

I admit I got really upset over my boyfriend's erectile dysfunction. I told him that he has a useless limp dck, that I'll cheat on him with another guy who can satisfy me (I wouldn't because no one else wants me tbh), that I'll leave him over his small dck (I cant), that he's not a man, that I couldn't feel him inside me (i really couldn't though) and that it was the worst sexual experience of my entire life (it was my only sexual experience)

I really fked up, so bad. I hate myself. I'm a huge fk up. I don't think his erectile dysfunction is ever going to be cured now that I've caused him even more anxiety that he had before. I've ruined it all.

I got so mad at him because I felt like his erectile dysfunction was because I was really unattractive to him. I started to reject him and tell him awful things to protect my self esteem. I didn't really mean them though.
God it's just so soul crushing to be called ugly my whole life and rejected by everyone because of it. It's my huge insecurity. Then to have my first ever boyfriend, a guy who was supposed to prove those people who called me ugly all wrong, a guy who was supposed to heal my soul, not be able to keep his dck up to me because I'm too ugly, and those bullies and society were right all along (what I thought)

I'm never going to be loved or have a healthy relationship.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

How often does he masturbate? I used to think I had ED. Stopped masturbating too much and was able to maintain my erections.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Try with a girl. I heard many girls said sex is better with another girl.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Lisa said:


> So after years of not dating I went out, met a man and have started dating him.
> 
> I spent the night at his apartment on Saturday but we did not have sex. We just cuddled. Last night I went to his house again and it happened. Well, kind of.
> 
> ...


This is a common thing for guys, especially when they first get with a woman. He is surely feeling a lot of nerves...he wants to please you. So please, please don't make him feel badly about this or make it a huge issue. If it continues, maybe he can seek some sort of treatment. But please don't blow it out of proportion just yet!


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Wow, this thread is really discouraging. I'm amazed at some of the opinions on here.


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## tieffers (Jan 26, 2013)

Chiming in with a suggestion, you might have better luck getting busy in the morning or early afternoon. Some men have ED toward the evening because testosterone levels drop steadily throughout the day, and it will be the lowest at night, and highest in the morning.


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