# I hate how I look



## D73 (fake email) (Jan 14, 2004)

I wish I looked fun.

I think I have this look like I'm trying to be all sexy but I'm not. I look like a poser. Or like a stiff plain person.

When I look at my picture from a 3rd person's point of view, I woudn't think of me as someone I'd find interesting. I look self absored or something.


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

ye i know the feeling. when i see myself in a picture I just keep thinking how ugly and hideous iam. which is why I avoid having my picture taken at all.


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## quiet_one (Jun 14, 2006)

I know what you mean; I feel like the majority of my pictures look hideous, like I'm trying to be something/someone I'm not.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



ColdFury said:


> I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.


Ditto.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I appear boring, because I am boring. I also look like a cross between Wilford Brimley and Janet Reno. Additionally, I convey a sense of arrogance, because I rarely look anyone in the eye or smile.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I _really_ hate the way I look. I can't possibly smile; I would be surprised if my face even has the necessary muscles. I'm surprised I even managed to leave my stupid pictures up in the gallery.


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## Hit_the_Lights (Nov 1, 2006)

Njodis said:


> I _really_ hate the way I look. I can't possibly smile; I would be surprised if my face even has the necessary muscles. I'm surprised I even managed to leave my stupid pictures up in the gallery.


Dude, stop putting yourself down like that all the time, go to the picture thread and read some of the comments people made....

if you keep on being so negative about yourself your just reinforcing the negative thoughts in your head making them stronger

I'm betting that everytime you get a good comment about your looks, immediatly in your head you come up with a reason why they would say that, to put that compliment down.

I went through the same thing and know how you feel, and I know it's hard to change the way you think, but it's possible, so all I'm trying to say is think positive

.... and yes I will point this out everytime I see you post something bad about the way you look on these boards j/k :lol

Same thing goes to the original poster, it's probably not as bad as you think


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

i put my pic up once. not one single positive reply....


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

lonesomeboy said:


> i put my pic up once. not one single positive reply....


 :hug


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## Driftfisher (Dec 6, 2006)

Being attractive is all about *attitude*...looks are helpful but not totally necessary.

Because I also have SA I understand that it is hard to think positive all the time and project that certain attitude...but you have to try to set small goals in increasing your self-image. It will make the difference in your future.

Don't get hung up on looks. Be genuine and work at being the person that you want to be. Remember, SA does change your life...you just have to do things differently...find safe people, places, and things that will bring you joy without letting SA control you...

I know, it's a lot of empty words but I live it everyday.

Hang in there!!! :yes


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## Solatil (Nov 17, 2006)

I think driftfisher has a point. I know a guy that looked just like Njodis, maybe a little chubbier, and he hooked up with girls _all the time_. If his friends were flirting with a girl, he would show up and have the girl on his arm in _minutes_. He just had the attitude.

Similarly, back in high school there was a girl that looked average, nothing special (in fact some called her Two Backs because she was so flat chested), but she had such a warm personality that there were at least 10-15 guys that had crushes on her, me included. So, it's not all about looks.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> lonesomeboy said:
> 
> 
> > i put my pic up once. not one single positive reply....
> ...


I never saw it .


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



ColdFury said:


> I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.


I've seen your pics and you look like a typical college guy. Nothing out of the ordinary, so you're being too hard on yourself.


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## Optimistic (Nov 4, 2006)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



UltraShy said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.
> ...


I agree. I can't imagine what standard of attractiveness he could possibly be using to arrive at that conclusion. :stu


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> Drella's_Rock_Follies said:
> 
> 
> > lonesomeboy said:
> ...


Actually, you were one of the people who gave a nice reply, millenniumman. I took the liberty of tracking down that thread in the photo album. 7 people replied. They called you nice-looking and cute, lonesomeboy! I hope this little reminder helps you feel better about your looks.
:hug

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=33040&highlight=


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



UltraShy said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> > I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.
> ...


 :agree Plus, in the latest pic I saw, your skin has really improved, and you're standing straight and confident-looking.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



whiteclouds said:


> UltraShy said:
> 
> 
> > ColdFury said:
> ...


Thanks. I wish I saw all that. I just see imperfection and flaws. :stu


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

I really don't know how i look to be honest. It seems like..every mirror i look at...every photo i take...i look different. Its like my looks change all the time. Its weird. Sometimes i look pretty and others times i look hideous. I consider myself to be average...nothing special. I'm soo scared to post a pic of my face online because none of my photos turn out good. I wish i could get an Extreme Makeover. Its much easier for guys when it comes to looks because they could be the ugliest thing and still have females all over them. On the other hand...if a female is ugly...she mit as well forget it.

Looks are everything these days, and its sad. People can't help the way they look. Its the parents genes. I wish i could wake up tomorrow and be beautiful but its not going to happen. I have to accept my average,boring looks untill i die. Thank you God!!! :mum


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



Shauna said:


> Its much easier for guys when it comes to looks because they could be the ugliest thing and still have females all over them.


That is certainly an interesting statement.


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## angeldelight (Dec 22, 2006)

i think its easy for ppl to assume that some ppl do have complexes about their image,and that there is no need to have these..we all view ourselfs and judge ourselfs all the time without even realising it..how many times have we got ready then looked in the mirror to see if we look ok..how many times do we walk past a window out shopping,and take a little peek at ourselfs in the reflection..its a normal phenomenon that we all do..

but i think it must be very frustrating to "really feel and think" to yrself negative things about yourself..then have someone come along who doeasnt view the same as you..and say your fine,and its nothing to worry about it....................it all about "self image".i believe others can help you to some xtent in the way you view yourself..but like with most things in life..its you who has to change the way you feel.and often enough ppl hide behind their appearance..or view themself as negative as possible to avoid situations.................

it must be very hard to be in this situation


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## Anatomica (May 23, 2005)

I used to utterly loathe how I look, to the point where I avoid mirrors, it's a slow process, but I've learned to be ok with it the past couple of years.


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## casio784 (Nov 14, 2003)

Here's an article some might find interesting:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... 000001.xml


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's right! I have come to love my Hungarian nose because it's part of who I am :banana.


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## LastChild (Jul 27, 2006)

I seem to look better in mirrors than in pictures, and I don't mind the way my face looks when it's straight on. It looks really strange on angles.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



Shauna said:


> Its much easier for guys when it comes to looks because they could be the ugliest thing and still have females all over them. On the other hand...if a female is ugly...she mit as well forget it.


its the same for guys and girls. no one has it easier than the other


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## themousethatroared (Nov 11, 2006)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



quiet_one said:


> I know what you mean; I feel like the majority of my pictures look hideous, like I'm trying to be something/someone I'm not.


The picture that you have on your page quiet_one you look fine. You definitely do not look hideous. You look interesting and cute. I think almost everyone looks at themselves and sees imperfections. When I look at myself in pictures I think I appear ordinary and imperfect. I guess there is nothing wrong with that. I would rather I looked more striking but not much I can do about that.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

*Re: re: I hate how I look*



Solatil said:


> So, it's not all about looks.


No, it's about looks and personality, and i have neither.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I don' t hate how I look, but yesterday I sent someone online a picture, and she said that I look like every other guy out there. Sort of saying that I looked too normal. Is it possible that I am not as good looking as I think I am? lol just kidding 
But it got me thinking, maybe I need to ramp up my wardrobe. Instead of trying to fit in, I should put more of my flair into it.


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## Speak Easy (Jun 27, 2006)

D73 said:


> I wish I looked fun.
> 
> I think I have this look like I'm trying to be all sexy but I'm not. I look like a poser. Or like a stiff plain person.
> 
> When I look at my picture from a 3rd person's point of view, I woudn't think of me as someone I'd find interesting. I look self absored or something.


I think I come off as cocky when I talk to people (or don't talk). It's ironic, because I am not cocky, but instead, completely self-conscious and worried.


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## Terri (Jun 28, 2009)

I thought I was the only one who felt that way...I look pretty in my bathroom mirror where the lighting is good...but then in a picture...i look ugly...you're right...men do have it easy because they don't have to be good looking to get attention and they don't have to wear tight clothes or they'll seem like lesbians


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

I hear ya! I only have one pic of myself uploaded on my Facebook profile, and I'm standing there wearing sunglasses in a pathetic attempt to look 'cool'. I have a lot of old school chums on there too so they must be thinking "what a loser!" lol I look awkward in just about every pic I take. When I try to smile, it comes out all forced and gargoyle-like. I detest myself sometimes.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

ColdFury said:


> I can't stand to see a picture of myself. It disgusts me.


Yep


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

I know how hard it is to learn to love your looks. I still can't stand to see myself, as I have convinced myself I am ugly. I posted a picture of myself on the Member Photo Albums forum (Post a pic of yourself RIGHT NOW thread) and people said I looked normal, which does make me feel better, but I suppose when you have spent 15 years scrutinising yourself in the mirror and photos, you can't help but see every flaw, and in turn see yourself as ugly. I just can't stop thinking everyone else must think i'm ugly, so in turn I don't talk to people, which makes people think i'm stand-offish and so they leave me alone, which makes me think people don't want to be around me because I am ugly - it is a vicious circle, and made no better by realising what is happening.

I do get to a point sometimes where I forget what I think I look like, and do start coming out of my shell, but it only takes seeing a photo of myself, or seeing myself at the wrong angle in the mirror, to bring all the bad feelings back, and then I can't bear for people to look at me. I often think I would love to make friends or find a partner, but I am worried that if I meet their family or friends they will be asking them why they want to be around someone who looks like me.

I know full well that it is a matter of having confidence in yourself that can make you more attractive to people, but being teased about my looks as a teenager (mainly about the size of my nose) and then spending years scrutinising myself in mirrors has made me so self-conscious about myself I just don't know where to begin in order to feel good about myself. One person at work is always telling me off for putting myself down, and I know that this is a turn-off to people, but I don't know how to stop doing it.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

Girl don't even want to look at me coz I'm that ugly 

... my psychologist tells me that it's imagined ugliness... what a ******* liar!

I'm ugly, period!


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## macM (Mar 16, 2009)

I get that, not as much as I used to. When I was younger I used to cry looking in the mirror. I used to pick at my face all of the time in stress and that made me look worse! Horrible people at school would say to me 
'how can you stand being so ugly, i couldn't look at that every day'
Its funny now I was a miss scotland finalist last year and I hope that idiots Damn well saw it lol. Saying that I still hate my face quite a lot of the time, I dont think that will ever go away.


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## lastofthekews (May 11, 2009)

macM said:


> I get that, not as much as I used to. When I was younger I used to cry looking in the mirror. I used to pick at my face all of the time in stress and that made me look worse! Horrible people at school would say to me
> 'how can you stand being so ugly, i couldn't look at that every day'
> Its funny now I was a miss scotland finalist last year and I hope that idiots Damn well saw it lol. Saying that I still hate my face quite a lot of the time, I dont think that will ever go away.


It's excellent that you ended up proving the bullies completely wrong. It goes to show that when people say mean things to you they don't really mean it, they are just trying to upset you and make you as miserable as they probably are. I know how hard it is though to forget people's remarks. I still remember as though it was yesterday a so-called friend saying "the next time we meet you'll have had a nose-job". He was probably just being an idiot, but it still hurts 12 years later.

I know how hard it is to stop hating what one's face looks like, but I hope one day you, me, and everyone else here can start to love/like how we look.


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

Some Russian Guy said:


> ... my psychologist tells me that it's imagined ugliness... what a ******* liar!


Yeah, mine says that too.....bull****!!!


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

lastofthekews said:


> I know how hard it is to learn to love your looks. I still can't stand to see myself, as I have convinced myself I am ugly. I posted a picture of myself on the Member Photo Albums forum (Post a pic of yourself RIGHT NOW thread) and people said I looked normal, which does make me feel better, but I suppose when you have spent 15 years scrutinising yourself in the mirror and photos, you can't help but see every flaw, and in turn see yourself as ugly. I just can't stop thinking everyone else must think i'm ugly, so in turn I don't talk to people, which makes people think i'm stand-offish and so they leave me alone, which makes me think people don't want to be around me because I am ugly - it is a vicious circle, and made no better by realising what is happening.
> 
> I do get to a point sometimes where I forget what I think I look like, and do start coming out of my shell, but it only takes seeing a photo of myself, or seeing myself at the wrong angle in the mirror, to bring all the bad feelings back, and then I can't bear for people to look at me. I often think I would love to make friends or find a partner, but I am worried that if I meet their family or friends they will be asking them why they want to be around someone who looks like me.
> 
> I know full well that it is a matter of having confidence in yourself that can make you more attractive to people, but being teased about my looks as a teenager (mainly about the size of my nose) and then spending years scrutinising myself in mirrors has made me so self-conscious about myself I just don't know where to begin in order to feel good about myself. One person at work is always telling me off for putting myself down, and I know that this is a turn-off to people, but I don't know how to stop doing it.


I really could have written this myself. Honestly. You've captured some of the things that go through my head a lot that I thought were just me. Thanks for expressing this all- it feels better to know someone else out there struggles with thoughts and situations much like I do.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

i hate the way i look. it doesn't matter whether people compliment me or not.* i still hate my appearance.* i have a REALLY weird face. small forehead, big eyes, big nose, small mouth, abnormally small jaw, big feet... and i'm way too thin. i have no figure. whether or not i avoid mirrors depends on what kind of mood i'm in i guess. sometimes i don't HATE the way i look, but i'm still incredibly self conscious even then.


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## knuckles17 (Jun 27, 2009)

i hate the way i look so much id like to say even if people complemented me like above but no one really has  but regardless i think if they did they were just being nice


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

My appearance is pretty much the reason I have SA in the first place. From girls doing the old "eww" when I was picked by the teach to dance with them for dance classes to a group of people giving me my own theme song along the lines of "U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no aliby, you're ugly!" my self confidence more or less became non existent and thus I always believed no-one would ever find me attractive enough to date me, and i always believed if I ever tried it would be a 100% rejection rate.

Don't hate any aspects of my appearance specifically, it's just the whole package which sucks


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## faith1416 (May 5, 2009)

help


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## faith1416 (May 5, 2009)

I hate everything about the way i Look . I Never liked myself but it didnt get to me when i was younger like it does now. I think because, well i know its because, i have change so much in the past year or so. I broke up with a boyfriend and my skin is now bad my bady is in bad bad shape and am just so freekin ugly! i have not had a face to face conversation with someone since all of this ugly looks started. I have help myself back from doing anything with family and old friends i shut myself off from the world. I cant except the new me.... It may sound snobby and vain but i wont live ugly i just cant.


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## NemoNevermore (Aug 7, 2009)

I totally have issues with this. I was always teased by my sister and in school about my ears, and while no one else has ever said anything, I think my nose is too big. I also have a fat thing which I finally realized was nonsense. My sister always made fun of me being chubby when I was little (which all little kids are, actually), and ever since I believed I was even though I'm clearly not as my picture in the photo thread will prove. However, if I looked down at my stomach it seemed to extend outward, so I thought it must be true even though I'm 6'3'' and weigh 180 pounds. Then it finally dawned on me that because I was looking down at an angle, the only way I could possibly not see my stomach would be if my body curved backward at a forty five degree angle--something humans can't physically have. Needless to say, I don't believe it anymore. That was Monday, actually. :b

On the subject of appearance in general though, I think we underestimate both how we look and how much we can change how we look. For the first point, we should all keep in mind that our SA makes us unable to accurately judge ourselves, so we can't be sure anything negative we think is actually a part of reality. As to the second, I used to think I was ugly and had no way of changing that. Then when I was in Scotland in eleventh grade I forgot my razor and accidentally grew a beard, which changed how I looked for the better and made me realize I could do more. I grew out my hair and slowly but surely changed my clothing style to something I actually liked (being able to determine fashion was also a new idea). I started to look like some kind of artsy kid (or so my friends say), and that suited me fine, as I pretty much _am_ an artsy kid. You have to find what you want (or stumble into it like I did), but once you realize you have the power to determine what you look like you don't have to feel bad anymore. Talk to people who you respect and have good fashion taste. Get a new haircut, change your clothes, get some exercise, put on/lose some weight, whatever you need to do. It's really scary at first, but you'll be happier in the long run. And remember, it's only as impossible as you believe it to be. Just look around at all the other people who have changed their appearance over time for proof.

P.S. Oh, and by growing out my hair I hid my ears.


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## p cdn (Jul 26, 2009)

Anatomica said:


> I used to utterly loathe how I look, to the point where I avoid mirrors, it's a slow process, but I've learned to be ok with it the past couple of years.


I go through this everyday

I hate seeing myself in any type of reflection and I mean ANY.Mirrors,windows,those black marble painels, elevator cameras which are at eye level, you name it.

I have everything planned out to ride buses and subways, where to sit so I won't be facing any windows.If I can't find one of those seats, I'll stare at the floor the entire trip. Getting my drivers license was horrible, having to glance at the rear view mirrors,after that I never touched a steering wheel again

It ends up giving me a ridiculously bad posture the way I'll curve myself so I won't have to stare at myself.You can just imagine how hard it is to go and get a simple haircut

this has to be some type of phobia right?

it's really sad :|


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## NemoNevermore (Aug 7, 2009)

faith1416 said:


> I hate everything about the way i Look . I Never liked myself but it didnt get to me when i was younger like it does now. I think because, well i know its because, i have change so much in the past year or so. I broke up with a boyfriend and my skin is now bad my bady is in bad bad shape and am just so freekin ugly! i have not had a face to face conversation with someone since all of this ugly looks started. I have help myself back from doing anything with family and old friends i shut myself off from the world. I cant except the new me.... It may sound snobby and vain but i wont live ugly i just cant.


Oh, Faith... that's terrible. Well, the first thing that occurs to me is that your skin might be breaking out because of stress. Finding ways to have fun and relax may work, but there are also over the counter as well as prescribed drugs to help speed the process. I know I can't go anywhere when I feel bad about my appearance, so hopefully that will at least take away one obstacle to going out. Other than that, while isolating yourself may make you feel less anxious, it's probably not good for your self esteem, and nothing kills beauty like poor self esteem. Getting busy again--working, going to school, hanging with people, working on a hobby, whatever-- can boost that. It's a bit paradoxical finding the courage to be active in the world when being out there makes you feel terrible, but sometimes it's the only way. And remember, you're attractive enough to have gotten a boyfriend, something half of us hear desperately want (I myself have never had a girlfriend and only been on two incredibly awkward dates). You must have something good going for you that you just can't see because of the SA.


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## Judi (Jun 22, 2009)

I have a square face, it'd be fine if I was a guy but I'm a girl! I have heaps of blackheads and because of the shape of my forehead and I can't figure out what on earth to do with my hair. I also have 2 huge moles on my right cheek which are glaringly obvious even from a distance. I don't have much of an issue with my body (except for stretch marks from growing to much) but only because I'm so freaking focused on my face!


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Ospi said:


> My appearance is pretty much the reason I have SA in the first place. *From girls doing the old "eww" when I was picked by the teach to dance with them *for dance classes to a group of people giving me my own theme song along the lines of "U.G.L.Y. You ain't got no aliby, you're ugly!" my self confidence more or less became non existent and thus I always believed no-one would ever find me attractive enough to date me, and i always believed if I ever tried it would be a 100% rejection rate.
> 
> Don't hate any aspects of my appearance specifically, it's just the whole package which sucks


Wow that happened to me tooooooooo! It was within the first few months of arriving in a new country for me, so I really felt out of place/messed up after that.

I didn't even have my angry neutral face perfected yet at the time :| :teeth

It bugged me for a long time, but I've recovered now. Well I still fret over how I appear, but I think its within normal levels of worry.

Its really horrible to be in that state of mind. As many here have said its impossible to be convinced otherwise when you feel that way.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

NemoNevermore said:


> I totally have issues with this. I was always teased by my sister and in school about my ears, and while no one else has ever said anything, I think my nose is too big. I also have a fat thing which I finally realized was nonsense. My sister always made fun of me being chubby when I was little (which all little kids are, actually), and ever since I believed I was even though I'm clearly not as my picture in the photo thread will prove. However, if I looked down at my stomach it seemed to extend outward, so I thought it must be true even though I'm 6'3'' and weigh 180 pounds.* Then it finally dawned on me that because I was looking down at an angle, the only way I could possibly not see my stomach would be if my body curved backward at a forty five degree angle--something humans can't physically have. Needless to say, I don't believe it anymore. That was Monday, actually. :b*
> 
> ...


Yeah its funny when that bit of logic hits you and you wonder wtf you were thinking all those years.


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

I hate the way i look too. Its a combination of my teeth, freckles, and weight that really looks bad.


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## slkjao (Aug 5, 2009)

if ur a dude dont worry just buy some nice clothes, shoes, get a good hair cut, and get teeth whitened. its a lot easier then being a girl


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## N3XT2NON3 (Aug 10, 2009)

not a fan of my own looks either. hate my neck, teeth & and how thin I am


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

Shauna said:


> Its much easier for guys when it comes to looks because they could be the ugliest thing and still have females all over them. On the other hand...if a female is ugly...she mit as well forget it.
> 
> That is so not true! Well ugly o'r plainer guys must have some other quality about them, usually they have a great personality, o'r if the girl is really shallow they must be rich.
> 
> I would prefer a great personality and being not good looking any day because atleast then i could win people over and have friends. I feel i'm ugly and i have a boring personality at the same time so i am f##ed!


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

I've never been happy with the way I look either. I have had comments from family, friends, and my partner that I'm pretty/lovely etc. But I can't and don't agree, as I really can't see anything about myself that anyone else could see in me. I do think that yes, sometimes I can look quite pretty if I'm made up. But at the end of the day even then I just feel that it's fake, just a convincing illusion I've created to mask how I really look underneath. I see other females all the time who are naturally really beautiful without needing to use any, and that's how I'd rather be. It's probably not a very mentally healthy thing to do, but I'm always comparing myself to the way other women look - particularly famous actresses - and wishing that I could look like one of them instead of how I do. I'm forever thinking to myself things such as how overweight my face and body look, how blotchy my skin is, how I can't see a single interesting feature in my face etc. I know that this isn't good for my self esteem, and wish I could change my attitude in this area towards myself. But I find it extremely hard to.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

my perception of how i look is negative.i see myself ugly .


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