# 'Dumped' by a lecturer



## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Lisa said:


> Thanks for reading all of this. I am just looking for opinions. What happened? First it takes weeks to get me to seriously think about it and then when I do he rejects me. Was he scared?


Hi, I think once he realised you were open to something and he had a choice to proceed or not, his rational mind kicked in. Or maybe he had other concerns on his mind and came across as cold. Or maybe he felt too embarrassed about liking a student to proceed with anything and hadn't expected any reciprocation in the first place. Or maybe he's one of those people who gives off signals he doesn't mean to.



Lisa said:


> Is he an idiot? LOL


Yes. But most lecturers are.


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## Surrender (Jul 19, 2010)

I think maybe he found you attractive but realized that a lecturer/student relationship is wrong and was trying to discourage you by being cool toward you. He may have thought that you were interested in him after awhile even if you were not and were only being friendly.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## AlisonWonderland (Nov 4, 2010)

Was he cold or just formal?
He might have a wife, if his superior or anyone else knew about this then there's a chance that any partner he may have has found out.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

It seems like he flirted a little and then stopped. I don't see why its a big deal.


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## DoveAgain (May 22, 2010)

I have no idea, but he does sound like an idiot, and a douchebag. :yes Just the fact that he laughed about a breast reduction and the comment he made. He might have been playing games and maybe started ignoring you after he realized he doesn't have to work to get your interest anymore. Or you mentioned that you got a lot of comments, so maybe got them too and didn't want it to become a big deal. Either way, I don't like the sound of him. Good riddance! :b


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## CynicalOptimist (Dec 31, 2010)

Hey,

The situation does sound a little peculiar. I think that maybe he felt embarrassed after he said what he did in class about the breast augmentation. Perhaps he felt like that made him seem like a douchebag, or idiot in your eyes afterwards. This could have made him all the more nervous and hesitant about wanting to continue further his efforts in trying to get with you. Alternatively, I think as the person above me posted, he may be in a committed relationship already, and fears the repercussions if both his mate and/or his superiors at the university might find out, not to mention the scrutiny that he would likely face if his other colleagues and students learned of it too. He doesn't have to already be committed to someone else for that to be seen as contraversial and inappropriate in many of the people in an university setting's eyes. Hope this helps.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## CynicalOptimist (Dec 31, 2010)

Lisa said:


> Hi,
> 
> thanks for the uplifting post
> 
> I will see him again when we are back at University in a few days. If anything I feel embarassed about having got rejected like that. I can't even ignore him now as he is the principle lecturer. I will have to be nice to him.


Your welcome, no prob. Don't worry....like I said I am sure it is nothing personal. I am sure when you go back things will seem awkward and hard at first but after a while I am sure it will not seem so weird and intimidating and it will sink out of focus in your mind.

You will find a good guy. Just got to be patient. I know that's easier said then done, because I get frustrated waiting too. You dodged a bullet with this one, because like I had said b4, you might have to face a bit of backlash from your peers and superiors at the university if anyone were to find out that you two had gotten together. University is tough enough...no one needs that added pressure too. Good luck!


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

haha, I have to admit, the comment about large breasts he made was pretty ignorant. He probably realized it. Also, he might just be scared of girls.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## PandaPop (May 21, 2010)

Well tbh how do you know he liked you in that way? im not being rude or anything but what i get from what you've wrote is that he was being friendly? So i don't see how hes an idiot as other people have said. 
Maybe on the odd days he was having a bad day :S doesn't mean he fancied you and then went cold.

Oh wells might have it wrong but you can't just assume people fancy you unless they actually come out and say it.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

By the way, if you go to a public institution, there are clear policies against nepotism that are enforced on the instructor, not you, if it makes you feel any better. I know because I was an instructor and they made it very clear we were liable. Take care.

P.S. Edit. Sorry lost track of location again. An instructor in a US public institution having been found for nepotism can get dismissed if not sued. Forgot there are people outside the US.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

It sounds like he probably may have liked you but he probably realised that its not the right thing to do. Perhaps you gave a sign that you liked him ad that was enough to make him realise that he is treading on dangerous ground. Like if he saw that you liked him then suddenly it turns into a very real possibility that something could happen rather than just an idea and that is proabably quite scary for a lecturer who could lose his job or face legal action if certain people found out.

I wouldnt worry about him liking you and then not liking you. it sounds like he may have liked you but then got scared, thats all. Or perhaps you misinterpreted his intentions and he was just being friendly and then got scared if you showed you fancied him, but obviously you know better about this than anyone because you could see his bosy language.

I'm at uni too in England (Birmingham) and I think it would be really strange and frowned upon by lecturers and students if there was a relationship going on. So I understand from his point of view if he got scared.

I think women are often attracted to lecturers, managers etc because their job gives them a certain dominance over people, but just try to hold back lol


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

deleted :wink


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

You have to be careful and make a clear distinction between professional and personal communication. I got creeped on last year by a professor. At first I thought he was just being nice, or thought of me like a daughter, but things got weird really fast. Although this is a little different because you were attracted to him, it's still NOT a good idea and should be left alone. You'll find a much better man elsewhere, and he won't be the guy who can make or break your grade.


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