# Going out alone



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

I have been going out alone to events a lot the past couple weeks. Some girl I talked to at a club yesterday just could not believe I came by myself. I meet people there and a lot of people go alone, so I just think that girl was, well... stupid or couldn't relate to shy people. I think the reason I go solo is I'm too shy to invite anyone. I have a couple numbers of guys I met but just don't call anyone to invite them along. Also, I think going out alone is 10x better than staying home... opinions?


----------



## darkraincloud (Dec 11, 2012)

Some people are really weird about going out alone. I have never understood that. I go out alone nearly every time I go out. Frankly, I prefer it to going out with people. When I'm out with people I feel a weird pressure to do what they want to do.


----------



## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

I'm thinking about changing up the norm and doing it for new years this year. Might not be so bad to get hammered and screw whatever attaches itself to me. I've pretty much had enough of this same old crap.


----------



## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

That girl is just jealous of how brave you are.


----------



## Biggles (Sep 3, 2012)

^what he said. Many people are really scared to do things / go places on their own.


----------



## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

I went to the mall alone last time and decided to eat at the food court I got some weird looks.


----------



## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

lizzy19 said:


> I went to the mall alone last time and decided to eat at the food court I got some weird looks.


I can't believe how rude people are. They're so quick to make assumptions and start judging.

If I ate alone at the food court around here, they would only give me looks if I made a mess.


----------



## shyshisho (Apr 19, 2009)

If I never went out alone, I'd never go out. Come to think of it, I rarely do go out, but I like trying different restaurants by myself.


----------



## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

I have no qualms about going alone anywhere except at a club, bar,concert, crowded restaurant; those places seem more fun with people and is used for socialising

Good for you that you're experiencing new things and events


----------



## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

I often go on a trip to other countries alone and some ppl would say, they would never do that alone.


----------



## DubnRun (Oct 29, 2011)

cloister2 said:


> I have been going out alone to events a lot the past couple weeks. Some girl I talked to at a club yesterday just could not believe I came by myself. I meet people there and a lot of people go alone, so I just think that girl was, well... stupid or couldn't relate to shy people. I think the reason I go solo is I'm too shy to invite anyone. I have a couple numbers of guys I met but just don't call anyone to invite them along. Also, I think going out alone is 10x better than staying home... opinions?


What do you do when you walk in the pub/club alone? Do you buy a drink then sit alone waiting for an opportunity to talk to someone or do you walk right up and make moves quickly? Just interested cos I need to do this...


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

I usually try and make eye contact with everyone who passes me and if I do I then nod or say hi. Then it's pretty easy to start a conversation. I can't spend too much time alone or I become self-conscious. If I don't manage to talk to anyone I can dance by myself.


----------



## Biggles (Sep 3, 2012)

cloister2 said:


> I usually try and make eye contact with everyone who passes me and if I do I then nod or say hi. Then it's pretty easy to start a conversation. I can't spend too much time alone or I become self-conscious. If I don't manage to talk to anyone I can dance by myself.


That would be tough for me. I still wouldn't find it easy to start a conversation - not much ability at small talk. And I definitely wouldn't dance by myself - 3 left feet . I'd feel less self conscious sitting in a corner nursing a drink.


----------



## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

cloister2 said:


> I have been going out alone to events a lot the past couple weeks. Some girl I talked to at a club yesterday just could not believe I came by myself. I meet people there and a lot of people go alone, so I just think that girl was, well... stupid or couldn't relate to shy people. I think the reason I go solo is I'm too shy to invite anyone. I have a couple numbers of guys I met but just don't call anyone to invite them along. Also, I think going out alone is 10x better than staying home... opinions?


Congratulations on being able to go places by yourself!!! I have gone places by myself although I think that people accept a man going places by himself more readily than they do a woman. For example, a man can go to a sports bar by himself and no one will say anything to him but a woman will be looked at funny. I have gone to eat out by myself and to the movies by myself and it was ok but I would rather go with friends out instead of by myself. I read somewhere that when a person goes out by themselves, it shows how confident that person is. Right now I am dealing with the fact that people at work will not go out with me by themselves but they will invite me along with a group of people because I am quiet and boring to them. It hurts but I remind myself that I do have other friends that like to do things with me and only me and that makes me feel a little better.


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

I'm sure some people view it as sorta strange to go out by yourself, but what should I do? Stay home or try desperately to make friends because someone might give me a strange look?  

Peach, sports bars are a good idea but I don't like watching sports except soccer and not many bars show that around here.


----------



## ShyGuyInWi (Dec 3, 2012)

When I was younger in my 20's I would go to the mall alone and the motivation to go was to buy cd's and videotapes etc. I wouldn't let the ppl there get to me and thought to myself they are there shopping too but some like to socialize there look good in there clothes etc I just did what I was going there to do, over time I never left the house much do to social anxiety acting up again. You just have to have the mindset to block others out when you want to shop in public etc its wrong but it works


----------



## Spirits orbit (Dec 21, 2012)

I would happily go out alone more often if;
A: I was a man, 'cos in Italy I end up feeling like a walking roast chicken.
B: I didn't keep bumping in to people who can't wait to weedle out some succulent gossip about my misfortunes.


----------



## PaulBanks (Dec 23, 2012)

lizzy19 said:


> I went to the mall alone last time and decided to eat at the food court I got some weird looks.


Ppl are such jerks. I've gotten used to hanging out by myself as of late as the majority of my friends are married or have moved out of town, it's not so bad.


----------



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I go eat bymyself at restaurants and people think that's weird enough. This one person couldn't even stop staring at me so I gave them the look like wtf dude and they just gave me a smile. I understand they thought I was some complete loner with no one but uh no.


----------



## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

Paloma M said:


> I go eat bymyself at restaurants and people think that's weird enough. This one person couldn't even stop staring at me so I gave them the look like wtf dude and they just gave me a smile. I understand they thought I was some complete loner with no one but uh no.


That takes a lot of courage, I could never do that.


----------



## dismiss (Jul 26, 2012)

I used to take a book with me to the bar. Between that, tv, food, & drinks... I'd be well occupied.
But, since I've moved states, to where I have few friends... I've kinda lost my courage. & I feel like they think I'm there looking to hook up with someone. Makes me uncomfortable. :afr
It's also gotten a lot more expensive to go out, can't spend hours at a place anymore, nibbling on food... Buying enough drinks to justify taking space.


----------



## Solid Croft (Dec 27, 2012)

I fined it hard just going to the shops by my self


----------



## Xanatos32 (Dec 28, 2012)

lizzy19 said:


> I went to the mall alone last time and decided to eat at the food court I got some weird looks.


I did that quite often in graduate school. I went to Concord Mills in Charlotte, and sat right there eating my two giant slices of pizza before going into see a movie.

I could not help noticing a few looks in my direction like people were waiting for someone to show up at my table.

I think it takes an insane amount of courage to do public things alone, but I have managed all my life.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

Xanatos32 said:


> I did that quite often in graduate school. I went to Concord Mills in Charlotte, and sat right there eating my two giant slices of pizza before going into see a movie.
> 
> I could not help noticing a few looks in my direction like people were waiting for someone to show up at my table.
> 
> I think it takes an insane amount of courage to do public things alone, but I have managed all my life.


I go places alone all of the time. I have gotten used to it. You have to get used to doing things alone when you really have no choice in the matter.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I almost never go anywhere alone. For one thing I don't drive and you need a car to go anywhere around here. I've gone shopping by myself but I have somebody else driving me. 

I need to get my license.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I just went out to a restaurant by myself this evening.


----------



## Michael127 (Dec 10, 2011)

Nice work man.


----------



## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

Nice to see several women on this thread who are ok with going out alone.



Paloma M said:


> I go eat bymyself at restaurants and people think that's weird enough. This one person couldn't even stop staring at me so I gave them the look like wtf dude and they just gave me a smile. I understand they thought I was some complete loner with no one but uh no.


This reads like maybe he thought you're cute. If a loner, then maybe a cute loner.  
But let us all not assume we know what others are thinking, without asking. :b


----------



## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

I dislike being in public alone, especially in the small city I am currently stuck in. However, since I have few to no friends, it is something I have to do on occasion. I used to go to the movies alone all the time in my 20s. Once I was in the theatre it was fine because it was dark and the movie is, after all, a mostly solitary spectator experience. But there was an awful person who worked at the review theatre in ottawa I used to go to (this is a long time ago) and he saw what a sad loser I was because he saw that I was always there alone. It was very awkward having him tear the ticket when I went in. I have also eaten at restaurants alone and it is a bit uncomfortable. One thing I have never done is gone to a bar or club alone...that is unthinkable to me. Those who do that are definitely a lot sturdier than I am.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

bent said:


> I dislike being in public alone, especially in the small city I am currently stuck in. However, since I have few to no friends, it is something I have to do on occasion. I used to go to the movies alone all the time in my 20s. Once I was in the theatre it was fine because it was dark and the movie is, after all, a mostly solitary spectator experience. But there was an awful person who worked at the review theatre in ottawa I used to go to (this is a long time ago) and he saw what a sad loser I was because he saw that I was always there alone. It was very awkward having him tear the ticket when I went in. I have also eaten at restaurants alone and it is a bit uncomfortable. One thing I have never done is gone to a bar or club alone...that is unthinkable to me. Those who do that are definitely a lot sturdier than I am.


I am OK with going to the movies or even a restaurant by myself. I would never go to a bar alone though.

I have traveled far from home all by myself, and if I had money, I would be doing a lot more of it as well as foreign trips.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

i pretty much go it alone by default; as far as restaurants, I usually settle for fast food, but i've been trying some fast casual in recent months, i.e., chili's, tgi fridays, etc.


----------



## Xanatos32 (Dec 28, 2012)

merryk said:


> Nice to see several women on this thread who are ok with going out alone.
> 
> This reads like maybe he thought you're cute. If a loner, then maybe a cute loner.
> But let us all not assume we know what others are thinking, without asking. :b


My old negative self had to suggest some thoughts:

1: Haha, loser, sucks to be you!
2: I'm so glad I'm not you!
3: If only that ugly *** guy would move out of the way so I can see the hot guy behind him. Oh, I can see him...let me smile big for Mr. TallDarkHandsome.


----------



## will30 (Mar 3, 2012)

Wow this makes me feel wierd about going to a bar alone now. What about those night clubs where its dark and you can hardly see people?


----------



## Uffdaa (Aug 20, 2012)

I guess. 

My opinion is that my social anxiety is bad enough that it can ruin a day out by myself. 

The social issues I have must be worse that yours because going out is really hit and miss for me. 

My opinion is that I don't enjoy it, it's really not that fun to me to go somewhere by myself. Maybe sitting in a dark movie theater is about all that is okay. 

I'm not drugged up enough apparently.


----------



## Uffdaa (Aug 20, 2012)

hydinthebasmnt said:


> I go places alone all of the time. I have gotten used to it. You have to get used to doing things alone when you really have no choice in the matter.


Yah, I sort of agree with this above, there were lots of things I would do by myself in my early 20's just because there were not very many people I felt comfortable inviting with me. I mean I would go to concerts by myself and stuff.

Though my view has changed on this sort of thing over the years.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

i skipped out on a new year's party.. i had won some tickets to an event about a week before, but they never came in the mail.. oh, well-- that's the way my luck often works.. at least I had a good rest.. I'll have to look for something else in the coming weeks..


----------



## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

Not at night. I go out a lot by myself during the day. Walk through town, go to festivals, cinema, eat in Chinatown food courts etc. I have no problem with that, and don't understand those who think it's weird.

I went to see a band at a pub alone one night and it was awkward as hell before they finally came on. A club would be out of the question, not that I'm knocking you for doing it. You've got balls.


----------



## dmp78 (Apr 27, 2005)

CeilingStarer said:


> Not at night. I go out a lot by myself during the day. Walk through town, go to festivals, cinema, eat in Chinatown food courts etc. I have no problem with that, and don't understand those who think it's weird.
> 
> I went to see a band at a pub alone one night and it was awkward as hell before they finally came on. A club would be out of the question, not that I'm knocking you for doing it. You've got balls.


i'm the same way. i'll take road trips to different cities/areas and being out and about alone during the day isn't bad. though my eating choices are cut down a bit since i don't go into restaurants alone, unless its to pick up take out. i haven't really gone into any bars alone at night though.. i get close, but then the anxiety kicks in and i veer away. very frustrating.

i also do like to go see bands. there are some awkward moments there, especially in small venues while the music's not playing. i generally just grab a beer and stand off to the side somewhere. and actually, it's not uncommon to see a few other people who are there alone. so that helps make it not seem as awkward. the times i go to arena shows, i just walk around until the show starts.. "hiding in the crowd".


----------



## lonestarTO (Feb 8, 2010)

To the OP, great topic and good for all of u who aren't deterred by weird looks from other and their SA, I have tried to and I find it quite difficult. 
The challenge I find is that I find myself more depressed, as I bombard myself with negative thoughts such as "I am so jealous of those with people to go out with" italmost feels like I'm in a bubble and can observe others but not connect with anyone.
Does anyone have any tips on how to not let my loneliness prevent me from doing what I want, even if it is alone. 
I also wonder if anybody has tips on ways to interact with people when I want to? 
I'd love to turn solo activities into something pleasurable instead of an opportunity to focus on what I don't have or feel I can't do.


----------



## Darrell Leight (Jan 3, 2013)

I commend you for that. If I did not dislike my current environment so much, I may consider doing the same. 

Also remember that most people tend to live vicariously through others. It only seems like they're having fun.


----------



## Uncrazimatic (Aug 23, 2012)

Agreed this is an interesting topic. I did this a couple of times in my early 20s when I'd come back home from college for summer vacation. Hadn't done it since then, except when I go travelling abroad by myself. 

However, I recently went to a bar on my own last month. I didn't talk to anybody but the fact I was there and not in my apt on my own felt a little empowering.

I honestly am beginning to think that this would actually be beneficial to do from time to time. Get comfortable with yourself and feel that empowerment that while you may not have companions with you	, you have enough self assurance to leave your apartment instead of watching tv and brooding. Right?


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

Uncrazimatic said:


> Agreed this is an interesting topic. I did this a couple of times in my early 20s when I'd come back home from college for summer vacation. Hadn't done it since then, except when I go travelling abroad by myself.
> 
> However, I recently went to a bar on my own last month. I didn't talk to anybody but the fact I was there and not in my apt on my own felt a little empowering.
> 
> I honestly am beginning to think that this would actually be beneficial to do from time to time. Get comfortable with yourself and feel that empowerment that while you may not have companions with you	, you have enough self assurance to leave your apartment instead of watching tv and brooding. Right?


Yes, I did it a bunch of times but I had one disappointing night and stopped. my thinking that other people thought I was a loser kind of dissuaded me. I think I need to boost my confidence a little before I do it more regularly. If I get bored enough I might just do it sooner rather than later.


----------



## Loulabelle (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm new and have just blogged this..... I can't go somewhere... well except the supermarket. Too scared, get to stressed about the whole situation


----------



## lonestarTO (Feb 8, 2010)

Loulabelle said:


> I'm new and have just blogged this..... I can't go somewhere... well except the supermarket. Too scared, get to stressed about the whole situation


One thing I try to tell myself is its important for me to realize where I'm at with my SA and not to compare myself with others. The point I believe is to push myself to expand my comfort zone.
There are days when I'm feelin more well and might consider goin to a movie. On other days just going to the store is an accomplishment.
Bottom line I try to aim for "progress not perfection"


----------



## Uffdaa (Aug 20, 2012)

I love going to movies by myself. Fun to go with another person also though. 

Eating a meal.... I hate by myself though. 

I have found that people are meaner to me when I am by myself as opposed to being out with others. I think people get more bold when they are part of a group and they see other people who are on their own...as targets. 

That is probably part of the reason why people congregate together because it makes them feel safer. 

There was this couple that I got kicked out of an apartment building that I as living in because her boyfriend was harassing me he was standing outside my apartment door and calling me ***** through the door and talking into my apartment through the door... weird stuff like that so the building owner told them to leave. 

Then I saw the girlfriend in public and she saw me with another person (I was not alone) and she kept on trying to get my attention but I just ignored her....my father was terminally ill and that was the topic at hand that day so I was distracted other wise she probably would have been able to get my attention but I could feel her looking at me and then looking at the person I was with...

I swear I don't know what is wrong with people.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

cloister2 said:


> I usually try and make eye contact with everyone who passes me and if I do I then nod or say hi. Then it's pretty easy to start a conversation. I can't spend too much time alone or I become self-conscious. If I don't manage to talk to anyone I can dance by myself.


OK, we're kicking you out of SAS.  That's pretty socially advanced. I think even people without SA would find this difficult.


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> OK, we're kicking you out of SAS.  That's pretty socially advanced. I think even people without SA would find this difficult.


Good  No really, I think we're all capable of taking similar steps if we make the effort. But if you think it might disturb your identity as a socially anxious person then that's up to you (or whoever is reading.)


----------



## Conquistador954 (May 15, 2011)

I went to the theater by myself just a couple of days ago. I may've been the only person by himself watching the movie but certainly not the only one at the ticket line. It's not uncommon to go to a theater alone actually. I MAY be able to go to a bar on my own, depending on which one, but certainly not a club. Even WITH people i get too intimidated.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

I personally say screw that girl who is nothing more than a sheep with her flock.


----------



## mostlynotreallythatok (Jan 13, 2013)

I don't really see the point in doing most things alone. These activities don't please me since I'm pretty much spending the entire time spending a lot of energy at being as invisible as possible.

I do go to the odd concert alone. I'm in hell until the music starts, but then I can get loose a bit. I guess it's important enough to me.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

It seems like when I was younger, in college or early 20s, going to places alone was more tolerable. It's possible I had so many goals for myself back then that it was easier to distract myself to find something else to do if an environment I found myself in was bothersome.

These days my ability to go places alone is based on the kind of place and situation.

Food shopping: No problem, although I frustrate myself when I see an attractive woman I want to talk to but don't find the nerve.

General shopping or the mall: No problem. I'm usually shopping very specifically and am in & out without feeling odd.

Eating in fast food, takeout places or coffee shops: Not too bad, I often see others eating solo and doesn't bother me. I do feel a slight bit of anxiety when someone looks over with a wondering look, but only because of the look. I don't have any concern of judgement just for eating somewhere.

Book or music store: 1-2 hours max.

Going to museums or similar places: This is OK but after an hour I feel like my being solo in those places makes the general idea of being alone and lonely that much greater.

Eating in a nice restaurant, at a table: This one is tougher. Nobody eats in nice places alone. When I do, which is rare these days, I can practically read everyone's mind. They may not say anything but certain looks and demeanors give away their thoughts. It may be my imagination but since I spent most of my early life being outwardly judged by peers, I learned the unspoken side of the language of judgement. It's something people who have not gone through the same thing will not understand.

Eating in a nice restaurant, at the bar: This is somewhat easier, although after 20 minutes or so it starts to become more difficult. I don't think people make judgements right away when they see someone sit at a bar alone since they presume the person is waiting for friends or having a quick pit stop drink. After 20 minutes of staying alone, it becomes more obvious. I know it's none of their business and I shouldn't care but for someone who has trouble striking up or keeping up with conversations with strangers, it's like being in a glass cage of the human zoo. I've sometimes tried to observe others at bars who hang out there solo and seem to have a grand old time but the best I've been able to conclude is that they're regulars there and know all the staff by name and spend piles of money multiple nights a week getting drunk and fat while they yap away at their BS to their surrogate semi-friends who would otherwise not give them the time of day if they weren't a paying and tipping customer.

Going to a bar: Very difficult. There have been times in my life where I've built up the courage to go to bars alone and work through my social anxieties but I can't remember a single time it ended well. Not that anything outwardly bad happened to me, but that I inevitably leave without having anything meaningful happen which would reinforce going to a bar alone as a good idea. Trying to strike up conversations falls flat, bar or serving staff usually ignore me unless I'm asking for service or to pay the tab, and other patrons go about their own social activities and give a vibe and treatment that I may as well be invisible. It seems like a lot of people lead conversations toward sports and I don't really have an interest in sports so I don't know what to say.

Going to a club or a loud social bar: Forget it. Anyone with social anxiety will know how extremely difficult it is to be inside of an extremely loud and active social environment full of strangers for more than a few minutes without wanting to escape. I don't understand how anyone in loud environments can hear each other anyway. I don't notice others having the problem but I do constantly.

Parties: Presuming I even get invited to one, which would be extremely rare, when I show up I usually barely know anyone. Usually just the person who invited or the person who brought me. I am thankful to have those situations in the first place, but unless I'm introduced and have something in common to talk to others about then the interactions fall flat even if they spark briefly at the beginning. I feel like I can have perfectly fine conversations when things of a social nature don't come up but given my life experiences and lack of having any significant others and doing the types of things people do with significant others I usually feel self-conscious when they carry conversations into that area. I'm sorry but I don't know what it's like to go on a vacation with a girlfriend. I wasn't on any recent dates. I don't have kids. I've not been to any concerts with anyone except the rare occasion when a guy friend had an unused ticket (why I'm never outright invited and it's only in the case of an "extra ticket" could be a whole other topic to write about). I try not to glom onto the people I know, but mingling is so tough when I feel slight rejections which build up because others can easily watch and see that I'm not carrying conversation with anyone for very long. After a while I get avoided simply by the fact that nobody else seems to be interested to connect with me.

Traveling: Forget it. I've done this only when I had to for work and tried it on 2 occasions in my life when I had additional reasons to travel to a location. All times it takes a gargantuan amount of courage to put myself out there and try to engage with others.

Beach or park: I feel too self-conscious about my body, which might not be so bad except I feel inferior when muscled & good-looking men are saturating the whole area. I haven't gone to the beach or park on my own in years.


----------



## computerblue (May 15, 2011)

All in all, I avoid going anywhere, but I have gone a few places alone. I will go to the mall, but I always have a specific destination in mind and don't have to spend much time there. I will not leisurely stroll and window shop, as I feel very self-conscious. I have gone to a concert alone, and plan to do so again this week, but the venue is smaller and more intimate than most. I have also gone to the movies alone a few times. 

I will not eat out at restaurants alone. The idea of doing so pains me.


----------



## heysam (Jan 14, 2013)

When I'm walking alone, I feel like I walk weird and funny and just so awkward. I hate it.


----------



## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

Before I got busy at work, I started going to the bars alone as I didn't want to sit at home and listen to my roommate fool around with his girlfriend in the main room. 

During football season its the best time to do this, because I can just sit there and watch the game and people will just think I wanted to get out of the house or just got off of work and have a couple beers.

If it gets really busy and there is no game I do feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. I dealt with it by appearing relaxed and open to conversations with people nearby (fake it till you make it) and soon random people would initiate small talk or more while they were waiting for their drinks. I even got approached a time or two by women, one that wanted my underwear! It also helps if the bartender is chatty with you.


----------



## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

I tend to walk for hrs, be nice to walk to someone house and have a conversation.


----------



## Xanatos32 (Dec 28, 2012)

I go out alone all the time. I don't seem to notice other people paying me any attention. I've had my photos rated on websites, and despite how I imagine myself as somewhat normal or attractive is apparently very unattractive to most people.

Safe to say that I have poor posture, wearing glasses a turn off, receding hair line a turn off, baby face a turn off, and that I do not have have tattoos or bad boy clothes with rap music blasting out of my mustang. 

No wonder all of these 40+ women seem to like me. My own age group or younger...they are a minority if they like me. Like 1 in 50 women. 

I was asked today where to find the restroom at my store. This girl could be a 10. Why on Earth did she ask me? Funny thing is, she didn't look at me. She asked me the question while looking off to the side the whole time. 

It must be the ol' let's ask that hideous dork over there; he will give me a truthful answer and not ask for my phone number in the process.

Sigh.


----------



## Nick9075 (May 25, 2010)

I could not even entertain the idea of going to a bar, club, concert or sporting event alone. Going out to a restaurant? (only a fast food type of place). I usually order take out from Japanese sushi places and I always see trendy people at the bar and such -- I wouldn't 'fit in so why attempt to try it?


----------



## Nick9075 (May 25, 2010)

Daveyboy said:


> I go out once in awhile usually in 2 month streaks. Then I stop for reasons I never remember. What I do is go to a bar thats inside a resturant(never a club) The place by me is a pizza place with a bar inside. I go in and the first 2 times the bartender says whats up. I just say I'm going to a gym now and I reward myself afterward with a beer or two. After a couple of times they never ask, I become a "regular". they'll make small talk. Its always kinda empty, I go early. Sometimes I get uncomfortable and leave or just stare at the tv or bring the newspaper in with me. Sometimes I pull into the parking lot and smoke a cig then leave, but thats ok I tried. That works to get out of the home for awhile but it never made it to a piont what I'm looking for which is to meet a friend. ( I have none) But I'll try again next mnth.


Did you say you were from Long Island? I am from the area and went to school at Hofstra but never went to such a place even when I was going to school.. I can't imagine the bartender making small talk with anyone (it still is the NY mentality)..


----------



## yellowsticky (Dec 18, 2011)

How do you break into conversations.. everybody is in their groups out at a bar or club. For people without the gift of gab this would be short of a miracle. I'm about to start trying it more nonetheless, no other choice really.


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

yellowsticky said:


> How do you break into conversations.. everybody is in their groups out at a bar or club. For people without the gift of gab this would be short of a miracle. I'm about to start trying it more nonetheless, no other choice really.


Because those people might want to meet some new people. Also I think that most of the time people give you credit for taking a risk like that. There are other choices, for me at least. But also part of the reason I'm doing it is to meet girls. At least a club or bar seems a natural place for it.


----------



## geepeeone (Mar 27, 2012)

cloister2 said:


> Because those people might want to meet some new people. Also I think that most of the time people give you credit for taking a risk like that. There are other choices, for me at least. But also part of the reason I'm doing it is to meet girls. At least a club or bar seems a natural place for it.


Hi Cloister2!

Seriously I think this is where the alcohol kicks in! You have yourself enough and you'd have liquid courage to just about talk to whomever you want to, but not too much otherwise you'd be yacking your guts off all over the bar florr on the way to the bathroom! LOL!


----------



## starburst (Feb 5, 2013)

When I was younger and single and went out with friends I never managed to get as far as even asking anyone for a date - I don't know why. But later when my friends had moved town I went out on my own to bars and night-clubs, and that was when I finally did form a relationship. I felt more independent on my own, but I felt very uncomfortable at times, depending on the place I went to, and on a few occasions I had to leave very hastily as I felt so awkward.

There's no doubt though a couple of drinks will make you feel more relaxed.

I think its better if its a sports bar type of place, or a live band playing, or a karaoke, or some kind of entertainment.

It is strange how some people just stare at you when you are alone somewhere - I think its a bit inconsiderate, rude even - but that's the way people are.

I would find it almost impossible to sit in a restaurant alone, unless it was fairly quiet maybe.

I once went to a Coldplay concert on my own and the usher actually looked at me shocked saying 'just on your own?' - I felt about an inch tall.

On the whole though if you want to go out you MUST go our, no matter how uncomfortable you feel, there must be somewhere you can go. As one of the most socially awkward people on the planet I managed to find a place (or two) - so anybody can! 

And also I met some pretty colorful characters along the way going out on my own! It was the best thing I ever did really.


----------



## N2Trouble (Jan 26, 2013)

I will never go to public places by myself because it makes me feel uncomfortable. But I do go alone to the beach at night and do it frequently. I love it.


----------



## loneranger (Dec 29, 2012)

I go out most of the time alone, but in the city limits. I could not however go out of town or the beach alone, too risky,sigh.


----------



## HeartofDarkness (Feb 7, 2013)

I don't mind going to certain places alone. The movies for example is a place I actually prefer to go alone. That way I can watch the movie in peace without someone talking to me the whole time. But I hate having to go to restaurants alone. Unfortunately, this is what usually happens when I travel though. I'm usually by myself, so I have to go out to eat alone. 

I don't mind going to bars alone so long as I'm in a city where there are lots of interesting new people to meet. I would never go out in the town I'm living now cause it sucks and there's never anyone interesting to meet. Plus I have no money to spend on that now anyways.


----------



## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

*Update*

I stopped going out at night by myself a month or two ago because the pressure was just too high. Now I realized that was the pressure I was putting on myself. I wanted to be the most extroverted person in the room. I have changed my 'strategy' however. I went out the last couple nights to two live music shows. The shows were cheap but not free. I did not talk to anyone the whole time, except for asking a couple questions about the band. All I did was order 1 or 2 drinks, sit or stand by myself, and watch the band, and barely swayed to the music. I had some women accidentally step on me or rub up against me which was pretty exciting for me. j/k I could tell I was becoming more comfortable in my surroundings and just observing more or less. I liked the fact there was no need to talk to anyone. If I keep at it, I may start interacting with other people more.


----------



## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

I don't like going out to restaurants alone but when I had a good job and extra money I would go out to eat on Sunday night. The restaurant was nearly empty and even though I enjoyed the food, I felt lonely without someone to talk to. I also like going to the movies with someone else, I feel embarrassed to be seen out alone. Also for me, the purpose for me to move toward a social life is to go out with people and talking with them. I used to love going to the bookstore but I don't have extra money like I used to. The library is another place I used to like to go to but again I don't get to practice socializing. I used to do volunteer work while in college but I am not in college now and when I did volunteer work, I met some people but no one that I could form a lasting friendship with. Even at work, the group that I sit with and am friendly with, none of them socialize with me outside of work. One of the girl's did invite me over for two holidays to spend with her family and I went one time. This weekend she invited me to go out to eat with her and told me to call her but when I did, she didn't call me back. So I am finding out it is best to start going out alone so I can enjoy doing things by myself instead of sitting home.


----------



## gjozefii (Feb 17, 2013)

I used to not have a problem going to the movies alone but nowehere else. Now I have such bad anxiety that I can never be alone. Even at home, I have to be with my mother most of the time. It's really bad.


----------



## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

cloister2 said:


> I have been going out alone to events a lot the past couple weeks. Some girl I talked to at a club yesterday just could not believe I came by myself. I meet people there and a lot of people go alone, so I just think that girl was, well... stupid or couldn't relate to shy people. I think the reason I go solo is I'm too shy to invite anyone. I have a couple numbers of guys I met but just don't call anyone to invite them along. Also, I think going out alone is 10x better than staying home... opinions?


Respect to you for being brave enough but i'd just feel too paranoid.I'd spend all my time wondering if people are thinking i'm some sad loner and i'd end up leaving.
I really wish i could go to the cinema or to the beach alone but just don't like the thought of it.


----------



## starburst (Feb 5, 2013)

cloister2 said:


> I have been going out alone to events a lot the past couple weeks. Some girl I talked to at a club yesterday just could not believe I came by myself. I meet people there and a lot of people go alone, so I just think that girl was, well... stupid or couldn't relate to shy people. I think the reason I go solo is I'm too shy to invite anyone. I have a couple numbers of guys I met but just don't call anyone to invite them along. Also, I think going out alone is 10x better than staying home... opinions?





cloister2 said:


> I stopped going out at night by myself a month or two ago because the pressure was just too high. Now I realized that was the pressure I was putting on myself. I wanted to be the most extroverted person in the room. I have changed my 'strategy' however. I went out the last couple nights to two live music shows. The shows were cheap but not free. I did not talk to anyone the whole time, except for asking a couple questions about the band. All I did was order 1 or 2 drinks, sit or stand by myself, and watch the band, and barely swayed to the music. I had some women accidentally step on me or rub up against me which was pretty exciting for me. j/k I could tell I was becoming more comfortable in my surroundings and just observing more or less. I liked the fact there was no need to talk to anyone. If I keep at it, I may start interacting with other people more.


Yeah going out alone is definitely much better than staying in and you are right, people want to meet new people, not just the same company they are out with.

There's a fair bit of psychology in it I think.

The worst thing is to become a PUA - that's a little bit sad, and mainly just an addictive behaviour.


----------



## starburst (Feb 5, 2013)

Bleeding Heart said:


> my old friends (now former friends) when they found out I had SA, PTSD, Sch.Aff., they basically threw me away like a piece of garbage :/ These people think they are "normal".., but what "normal" person hurts another person's feelings for something they cannot control?!?!


More and more people are coming 'out' of the closet to tell other people they have SA or other mental condition, such as BPD, Aspergers, Bipolar, Dissociative Disorder, OCD etc - there is becoming less and less stigma about it, and society at large is beginning to see that quite a lot of people have such a condition - and it doesn't make them 'weird'.

A program on TV in UK recently had top business people decide which of a group of people they would hire by putting them through a series of tests - they were not told which of the candidates had previously suffered mental illnesses or breakdowns. The ones they liked the most turned out to be the ones who had been mentally ill - so it just goes to show such people are potentially even MORE productive members of society than 'normal' people.

So if 'friends' dump you because of that - it is THEY who are uncool - think of yourself as being 'different' and be proud to be different.


----------



## punkrabbit (Mar 11, 2013)

*out*

Hi, i do like going out alone, mainly to bars, where i can drink and talk to anybody after enough dutch courage, but im an alcoholic and drink till i passout and sometimes make a huge fool of myself in public or get in trouble from the law, but then i cant allways remember the things i did and that is extremly upsetting at times.


----------



## Sovius (Jan 16, 2012)

Hm, I tried doing this and it felt so weird to me that I quit doing it. So in other words it failed miserably. I never went to the mall again and I also did the same at the movie theater but it felt weird as well. I just can't do it.


----------



## christiname (Mar 11, 2013)

*People like that get on my nerves*

Some people are just so ignorant and can't comprehend that we are all not alike. I'm a woman and every now and then I go out to eat by myself (I have no friends to call, no one) and it's uncomfortable because people just stare at me. I also live in a new city so I get lonely and I end up staying home alone. Being alone sucks but it's easier for a man to go out by himself.


----------



## starburst (Feb 5, 2013)

christiname said:


> Some people are just so ignorant and can't comprehend that we are all not alike. I'm a woman and every now and then I go out to eat by myself (I have no friends to call, no one) and it's uncomfortable because people just stare at me. I also live in a new city so I get lonely and I end up staying home alone. Being alone sucks but it's easier for a man to go out by himself.


You should just go out anyway, as attitudes are changing - there is not so much stigma about a woman going out places on her own these days - isn't this supposed to be the age of equality?


----------



## christacat (Aug 6, 2010)

Sick of going out alone, not enjoying it anymore.


----------



## rac (Mar 11, 2013)

I do all my schedule - work, chores, studying, exercising and going out - alone. It can get a bit stressful, such when there's shopping to be done. It isn't very nice sometimes and it can get easy to sit at home and down a bottle of wine. Though a few times I've gone out to clubs, got drunk and danced, and had a REALLY good time. I've seen other people do it too. The pressure of doing everything alone can be really hard sometimes, no doubt about it.


----------



## vtec (Mar 11, 2013)

i know exactly how you feel man. Ive gone to clubs and bars alone, n most people dont seem to be able to understand the concept of going to a social event by your self. However, keep doin it. In my opinion, u r better than everyone else that goes in groups or with a couple of people, simply becuase u r comfortabe with ur self, n could care less wut people think of you. Its this that will truly define you in the future, for there wont always be people there if a problem ever arises, so being self reliant can get you through the tough times.

My motto is, that with sel-reliance, determinaion, and will power I will be able to do anything, and no one will be able to tell me otherwise, much less stop me.


----------

