# Why are people mean to ugly people



## river13

People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.

But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


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## Monkeygirl

Wow.
People can just be full of themselves and it makes them feel better picking on the weaker person.

I don't think you have the right therapist too.


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## LostinReverie

It's just how people are. We can't change others, so really the only fix is to find some way to deal with it within ourselves. Not that I've ever figured out how to do that. If you ever do, please let me know.


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## nihilistquestion

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


First, you're not ugly. People have ugly attitudes, that's all. It might be time to change therapists (if this is possible). At the risk of seeming harsh, telling yourself you're 'ugly' no matter how much you believe it yourself, doesn't make it true and doesn't make it legitimate in your reality. There's only two vibes -- the vibe you've got inside and the vibe out there. There's always going to be hateful vibes outside, but you owe it to yourself to own your own reality -- it's yours, think nobody else is going to have the life that you have and that's special.

I'd encourage you to just do things you enjoy, and always keep your mind occupied (watch a movie, listen to music) and when surroundings get crowded with negative thoughts, just break out and go walking. Don't try to eradicate negative thoughts altogether, just accept that they're there, accept that maybe things happened in the past, and try to rise above it, not for the people who've hurt you but for yourself.


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


If you honestly believe people don't like your appearance that much, then are you doing about your appearance?

Anyone can make themselves look better through trying certain things. For guys, lifting weights can help out a lot.

For girls, making their bodies more fit by exercising and eating healthy, or finding sexier clothes, wearing more make up, dying their hair etc.

My thoughts on the attractiveness thing is this.

Looks can matter. Yes, people can be more dismissive to someone who isn't attractive.

But the thing is, if someone feels the whole world doesn't like them just cuz they aren't attractive....i feel there is more to it than that.

I would say that person is probably shy and is accidentally sending off "don't talk to me" signals.


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## river13

skyisblue said:


> If you honestly believe people don't like your appearance that much, then are you doing about your appearance?
> 
> Anyone can make themselves look better through trying certain things. For guys, lifting weights can help out a lot.
> 
> For girls, making their bodies more fit by exercising and eating healthy, or finding sexier clothes, wearing more make up, dying their hair etc.
> 
> My thoughts on the attractiveness thing is this.
> 
> Looks can matter. Yes, people can be more dismissive to someone who isn't attractive.
> 
> But the thing is, if someone feels the whole world doesn't like them just cuz they aren't attractive....i feel there is more to it than that.
> 
> I would say that person is probably shy and is accidentally sending off "don't talk to me" signals.


I try everything and I'm still hideous. I am already thin and I walk a lot so I'm in shape. I have no chest but I wear push up bras and I wear trendy clothes and I wear makeup, straighten and dye my hair. My problem is my face. Everyone hates it. I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl. Men hate me so much. I know I'm ugly because I grew up with a pretty sister and she gets treated completely different. I'm tired of being told to try harder to be pretty because Ive done all i can do and it will never be good enough. I hardly even have enough energy to try anymore, I'm severly depressed. Ive been in the hospital three times for suicidal feelings but I'm too scared.. Ican't take this much longer. its awful to live this way. I'm not even a bad person and people show me such hate. its made me bitter and angry inside. its starting to get to the point where i cant control that anymore. 
the only thing i had about me was that i was good person and now its being destroyed. I feel like I cant take it much longer because nothing is getting better and i dont feel strong enough to take this for the rest of my life. if this is the plan for me, i can't take it


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## AlwaysImagining

I'm sorry to hear that  I'm actually nicer to "ugly" people, I feel they've dealt with enough crap in life and I always hope I can bring a smile to their face. Sadly I'm not that good at cheering people up lol >.< but I try. Plus *what matters is what's on the inside*. Yeah I know, cheesy line, but it's always true.


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## ChrissyQ

I have same problem none my therapist believe me they think i'm imagineing it they really think i'm hearing voices when ppl say mean things to me but i know i'm not they even diagnosed me with schizophrenia although i don't see or hear things but they think i do but i know i don't now i take meds for schizophrenia when i don't even really have it that might mess me up taking meds for misdiagnosis i'm so upset about it i don't hide home alone everyday for no reason with blinds closed why won't anyone believe me that ppl are very very very mean to me in public and have harsh reactions to me like HOLY F U UU C KK WHAT IS THAT CREATURE GET IT AWAY FROM ME PUKING NOISES


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl. Men hate me so much.


Believe it or not, I've had many girls do the same thing to me.

Do you know how many times I've had girls give me that look of "gosh dang it, he's shy. Ugh. Next!" I've even had girls give me that look on dates.

What I'm saying is I'm really not much different than you. See, I am good looking, but as a male, that doesn't necessarily mean all that much if the guy is shy.

I'd venture to say most people don't like me. I've had numerous experiences where people would walk by me and call me names such as p----, wimp and loser. You name it, I've been called it a lot.

Again, what I'm getting at is I think you are making too big a deal about a lot of people not being in favor of you.

The truth is that it's rare to find people that actually like me.

With that said, I do agree with a lot of what you said. And yes, looks are the most important judged characteristic of a female _by far. _I have no argument there.

If it makes you feel better, even though I'm good looking, I've had many girls just go after my friends because my friends were more socially confident than me. Right in front of my face. I've even had to listen to my roommate in college sleep with multiple women while i was all alone in the bottom bunk.

Some of us just have things about us that a lot of people don't like, and we just have to move on and forget about it if there is nothing we can do. Just keep living and try to find happiness.

I've gotten to a point where I've stopped dating completely. And honestly i feel better.


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## PerfectDark

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.


Are you male or female? It matters.

Beauty of course is an advantage in life. No doubt about it. This is true for both genders but much more important for women obviously. A man can compensate his looks by his status (money, strength, dominance, and so forth).

The real question is if you actual are ugly or have a wrong self image. You can't change your face but you can affect your body and how you groom yourself. So work on that. If you are fat, loose weight. If your a boy/man and skinny start eating more and go work out to get some muscles. If you are a women and skinny, keep that way but also work out. Skinny is better than fat but even better is in shape.

Now besides that this actually has obvious benefits also for your health, you will actually start to like your looks better and you will be more confident because you did something and achieved something.

I guess people smell your low confidence what makes you an easy target. So yeah your therapist is in fact right. They are not making fun of you because your ugly but because your weak and lack confidence. Hence they have no fear of any rep recursions.

A quick and temporary solution would be to fight back, So they have to fear you just a bit to go for another target, Especially if you are in school. But some hurt on the bullies. Play a prank on them and make that prank public so everyone sees the humiliation. Or if your a boy, punch him in the face (or first balls and then face) but be prepared to get punched as well. Doesn't matter if you loose, they will think twice afterwards to go after you.

So yeah, therapist is right. It's not looks but confidence.

EDIT:

OK your a girl. What actually are the people doing to you?



> I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl.


That sounds like ultra low-self confidence to me. Your also making the mistake thinking the whole world rotates around you. People mostly think about themselves and not about making you feel crap.


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## river13

I knew no one would understand, I don't know why I bothered posting. I said people treat me like crap because they think I'm ugly. I've been told I'm ugly, weird, annoying, people say "ew" when i walk by. People laugh when they see me. How can I have self confidence? Who in their right mind would have self confidence if they were constantly told they were weird and ugly, that wouldn't be normal. Guys always tell me girls are prettier than me. People do go out of their way to treat others like crap too. what kind of world do you live in where you think no one bothers anyone else? That would be amazing if the world was that way. But its not. People are horrible to me for being ugly and my face ruins their day and they take that out on me. I don't go out because of this. that is the only way i can cope. I said before that i tried everything to be pretty but i cant because its my face that is ugly. I can't help that. i would do anything to be beautiful because that is all i truly want out of this life. I try to focus on the other things that people say matter the most but i know i always go back to wanting beauty. 
and i understand being nicer to ugly people but i just want to be treated normally. i can sense when people pity me and its not a good feeling either although its better than being treated badly.. @AlwaysImagining. It hurts to be uglier than most people no matter what.


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## river13

I don't want to go back and forth about this. I posted this because I needed to vent. I'm really distressed about it and I just don't know how to fix it or cope with it. I guess it just helps to vent sometimes


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## dontwaitupforme

I get about my weight sometimes even though I'm 9 stone 4.. I think people treat others differently who dress poorly or don't take care of their appearance as it looks as if they don't care about themselves and lack confidence. If people can sense that, they see weakness.

I think anyone can look well and brush up smartly if they put some focus into it.. Aka, get braces, exercise more, take care of their skin and hygiene, wear classic attire that stays in fashion over the years, look smart, tidy etc. It isn't too hard to achieve and the effects are noticeable very quickly.

Or.. You could just **** societies standards and do as you please. It isn't their place to dictate your life or how you live it. Although I know comments can be cruel. Living well is always the best revenge. Fact.


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## river13

Guys have laughed at me, called me ugly, called me weird, called me scary looking. I often have men scowl at me like they want to kill me. I have had guys cover their eyes after looking at me. 
My sister is pretty so I had guys say things like they can't believe we're related and that's just being nice. I've had guys take pictures of my sister in public and then they turn to me and say "you're hideous". 
I hate going over all this stuff because it makes me cry but I feel like I have to explain how bad it is so people understand why I feel so depressed and horrible. 
Girls are just as bad. Girls laugh at me, say "ew", look down on the ground with a mean look on their face towards me, call me weird. waitresses cant stand to serve me at restaurants or in stores. They can't stand that they have to acknowledge me and be nice. 
Most people don't understand how bad it is for me so I feel like I can't get help. I don't even know what help there is for someone like me. 
I barely do what I have to do in life because I have no energy to do it from depression. I don't work right now because of this. It's hard to clean or go shopping or do anything. I take meds and they help with what they can but it 's just unbearable to live this way. I just want to be beautiful so bad.


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## SelfCompulsoryIsolation

Can you PM me a selfie? I'm interested in seeing how bad it actually is. I'll give an honest opinion. If you're unwilling to do that, can you at least describe what it is about your face that you don't like?

But yes, some people are just blatantly physically unattractive; and no amount of confidence can change that fact. The most you can do is work on your charm in other areas. That, or give up on caring what other people think, and just accept the fact of the matter for what it is. Being alone isn't really all that bad.


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## river13

SelfCompulsoryIsolation said:


> Can you PM me a selfie? I'm interested in seeing how bad it actually is. I'll give an honest opinion. If you're unwilling to do that, can you at least describe what it is about your face that you don't like?
> 
> But yes, some people are just blatantly physically unattractive; and no amount of confidence can change that fact. The most you can do is work on your charm in other areas. That, or give up on caring what other people think, and just accept the fact of the matter for what it is. Being alone isn't really all that bad.


No I won't send a picture. I just don't see the point in continuing to live then. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to be happy doing things because people treat me badly. Why continue?


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## SelfCompulsoryIsolation

river13 said:


> No I won't send a picture. I just don't see the point in continuing to live then. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to be happy doing things because people treat me badly. Why continue?


Why do you care about any of that? What's the point of getting married and having kids? Is that really all you want out of life?


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## river13

SelfCompulsoryIsolation said:


> Why do you care about any of that? What's the point of getting married and having kids? Is that really all you want out of life?


No that's not all I want out of life. What I meant was why should I continue to live if I'm just going to suffer everyday? 
What is wrong with wanting that anyway? Everyone wants different things out of life, who is anyone to decide what someone should want out of their life?


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## livetolovetolive

river13 said:


> No that's not all I want out of life. What I meant was why should I continue to live if I'm just going to suffer everyday?
> What is wrong with wanting that anyway? Everyone wants different things out of life, who is anyone to decide what someone should want out of their life?


Only you can decide what you truly want. Do you truly know yourself though? Suffering shows us who we are. How much can we take until we either find light or accept our path in darkness. Darkness can be a path that is valid, but light is more enjoyable. If you suffer for long enough without giving it up, eventually you will find light.


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## livetolovetolive

By the way, the most imperfect of us who can finally make it work turn out to be the most special. I'd rather be imperfect and fight my way through to shine bright, than be simple and fit in right away... that's boring.


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## Imbored21

Post pic so we can tell you how to become hot.


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> No I won't send a picture. I just don't see the point in continuing to live then. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to be happy doing things because people treat me badly. Why continue?


Whoa now, I have to jump in on this one.

I for one have no plans in getting married, and probably never will get married.

Probably will never have kids either.

This is what I don't get.....so you think your life isn't worth living if you don't have marriage or children ever?

It seems your frustration is more about "being socially in style" more than anything. Which by the way, is not a healthy way of living.

Trying to be "normal" is not the way to live life.

If you think you need marriage and kids to be happy, then that's a huge problem right there, because it means you can't not have those things and be happy.

You keep bringing up your sister.....it shouldn't bother you so much what she looks like.

Have you ever tried being happy for her instead of being jealous for her?

The biggest thing you should do is take a step back and stop caring what anyone thinks of you for a while. Learn to live your life on your terms, not other peoples' opinions.

I know you are probably going to disregard everything i said, but I advise you think about it.

You don't need beauty, marriage and children to be happy in this world.

Those three things are just things that society wants people to have.

Stop living for society and start pleasing yourself.


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## twitchy666

*But really horrible people are nasty to good looking people too*

give up day

TV keeps stopping working. Has years ago
Keeping on 24/7 makes it reliable. Trying resting it and bill a bit.

trying contact lost

good day at gym Hot day
Car wouldn't start. I'm used to it. I know when to replace the battery.
I have to turn it over every morning. That keeps its chin up, if not driving.
I left it til after gym. That's why. Booster worked √ maybe not tomorrow

Skype call is intrusive from Dad. Me have the same disposition. I try to bend to his strict 9am slot. Available from 5am, online, waiting. 
He cancels any call from me. Shows online but disappears. He makes the attempt. I rush to grab the device. Disappears. Offline for my return call. Why? Shy?

Always go pub with friend. Just today, no response. I'd go & ring the bell but I know I'd wast my time and walk.

I'm a keeper upper. Not a turner downer. Not a rejector. A giver. Not a taker.

Main tainor. No terminator - I'm incredibly prone to that treatment. Heavy Duty
Oohhhhhhhhhhh... swathes of phone calls & texts from recruiters today. ALL DAY. Now. New one. Bang Bang Bang.
Tactic is prettied-up "I like You" NO! Bulldog treatment. All the prelude to interview torture. No response to their attempts. hen I ever did, in the last 3 decades: all rejection hangup. If I don't respond now, that will write me off onto their blacklist. Have been on the list for 3 decades. Not a few agencies. Several hundreds of firms. Their week start on Friday and ends on Friday.

I have my book prepared for ready to publish.

Head-numbing twinkly-winkly texts now accompanied by repeated more repeately microwave beep telling me the chicken is defrosted. Wearing me down until I finish typing this.


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## slyfox

People are mean. Only people I've ever liked making fun of because of their looks are people who've bullied me. Otherwise, I just leave people alone. Not sure if I really look bad but I've had a lot of people make fun of my looks and the way I talk. Hate how people make fun of others. If we aren't doing something to bother them, they should just leave us alone. They just want to make themselves feel better or up their social status with others.


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## river13

Imbored21 said:


> Post pic so we can tell you how to become hot.


I cant be hot. I have tried to copy what I think is hot and I cant be that way. I tried everything.
@skyisblue, I didn't mean that since i won't get married/have kids that i should die..what I meant was if I am suffering like this and i have no one to be responsible for, why live decades like this? I'm just depressed and it's the depression talking. I feel hopeful sometimes.
Also it doesn't bother me what my sister looks like; it's other people who always compare us. I try to be happy for her but it's so hard.
It's hard to believe I don't need beauty to be happy though.

Thanks for everyone's input; I'm reading all responses and taking everything into consideration.


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## river13

I want to be accepted. Why don't people understand that? We're all humans and that is a basic need. I'm not saying I want to be "normal" because there is no normal and a lot of people pretend their lives are perfect but below the surface they're not, and I realize this. But I think most people will understand why I want to be pretty. Everybody, especially guys, like pretty girls, come on. It's not a ridiculous thing that I want. Maybe I want to be accepted for who I am. I'm not sure. I just want to feel ok when I go out. 
Rejection leads to the breakdown of society so my anxiety is normal. Its hard to embrace who i am when most people see something wrong. I feel like I should take a hint. I pretend everythings fine and that I look fine but that seems to make people mad especially guys. THey hate to see an ugly girl having a good life. If I look happy in some way, they'll try to make me miserable, that's just my experience. 
Maybe I can't take the adversity but no one would want this for their life. 
Why have any skills or anything at all if they won't be recognized? Is that ok with all of you? That you never get attention or recognition? No you dont want that.


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## Farideh

Why are ugly people mean to ugly people? Why are ugly people mean to pretty people? Everyone is mean to each other. Sure they don't deal with it as much as pretty people, but they're guilty of doing the same ****.


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## river13

Farideh said:


> Why are ugly people mean to ugly people? Why are ugly people mean to pretty people? Everyone is mean to each other. Sure they don't deal with it as much as pretty people, but they're guilty of doing the same ****.


What's the point of this post? I didn't ask "why are attractive people mean to ugly people" you're implying that I think attractive people are jerks and I'm not saying that. I asked why are people mean to ugly people


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## Farideh

river13 said:


> What's the point of this post? I didn't ask "why are attractive people mean to ugly people" you're implying that I think attractive people are jerks and I'm not saying that. I asked why are people mean to ugly people


 Oh I'm definitely aware of what you meant. I'm just mentioning that people are also mean to pretty people obviously for different reasons. People are mean to ugly people because they fear ugliness as if they would be ugly too. That's why you see people befriending good looking people. Ugly people are ignored because nobody wants to impress an ugly person unless there is something they admire about that ugly person. People try to impress good looking people because of their status and mostly to get in their pants. It's a stupid world full of surprises. It's your decision whether you will let it continue to bother you.


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> Is that ok with all of you? That you never get attention or recognition? .


Actually, yes, it is ok with me. I have no desire for others' approval.

After being by myself so much, I've learned that we don't need anyone's approval to be happy.

Needing approval from others is a crutch.

I refuse to let others dictate my feelings.


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## ChrissyQ

*in same boat*

I'm in the same boat river


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## river13

skyisblue said:


> Actually, yes, it is ok with me. I have no desire for others' approval.
> 
> After being by myself so much, I've learned that we don't need anyone's approval to be happy.
> 
> Needing approval from others is a crutch.
> 
> I refuse to let others dictate my feelings.


Well you said you were good looking so I'm sure if I was good looking I wouldn't need anyone's approval either. In fact I know I wouldn't. Everyone would want to be around me so I wouldn't even need to worry about that type of thing.


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## bintuae

What? so do you look like an alien or something? cause I hardly ever saw people being mean for others mainly for their looks. I can understand if its for dating purposes. Guys can be harsh on ugly girls. If that matters to you the most and you see no other way out, then plastic surgery is the answer. Period.


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## selfloathingregular

I like to be silly/stupid but being nasty I use always as a last resort. It seems people choose to be nasty and revel in it.


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## river13

bintuae said:


> What? so do you look like an alien or something? cause I hardly ever saw people being mean for others mainly for their looks. I can understand if its for dating purposes. Guys can be harsh on ugly girls. If that matters to you the most and you see no other way out, then plastic surgery is the answer. Period.


People are mean to others just for their looks. I don't know why you don't believe that. And no, I'm not trying to get dates so I have no idea why people even care to treat me so bad.. I wish I knew why. Plastic surgery is definitely not the answer.

I also noticed that its the biggest crime for an ugly girl to go around with some confidence. I might get a day here and there where I feel good about myself and have some confidence.. that's a huge mistake to many people.. they will let you know you're hideous soon enough. People have been aggressive with me about it too.. I feel unsafe at times and it even feels like someone could actually punch me in the face for being so ugly. I get looks at me ALL THE TIME that say " I want to kill you" ... and people start stuff with me in public all the time


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## river13

selfloathingregular said:


> I like to be silly/stupid but being nasty I use always as a last resort. It seems people choose to be nasty and revel in it.


Could you explain what you mean by this? I dont really understand it


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## dark2spine3

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


Don't let people define who you are. I've known people who take the word: "positivity" and taint the word's true meaning. It made me not want to be anything like it. Until I redefined it. People taint the same, with "beauty" and "ugly". Those people aren't worth your time or attention. And as time goes on you can guarantee that their personality and morals will get as sh**y as mud.You know, I'm at that point in life where I prefer to be ugly to the opposite sex instead of attractive. I actually hope I'm ugly. Most would blame it on my bad experiences or cynical nature but when you start looking at the flaws of the people who only want to see the "bad" or "unattractive" in you, it becomes very easy. Why would I want to impress some ignorant waste of life with a big mouth and nothing decent to offer or be around. Get new therapists, and tell them that you don't feel like you're being heard.


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## KILOBRAVO

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


NO: YOU aren't ugly , I Am sure of it. I mean , what sort of 100% proof or examples do you have that people treat you badly cause of being ''ugly'' ?

Have you remembered any instances in the past of actual rude comments or things like that ? I bet you have never actually been called ''ugly'' face to face

Your ''ugliness'' I a sure is just somethign you are imagining and you have, have, have to begin to like yourself more , after all, you are currently seeing a therapist, so it has been established that some part of your thinking or mental health isnt quite good at this time and you visit there to find ways to improve whatever problems you have just now

Believe me, when people are nasty or berate or ridicule another person IT TRULY IS the problem with the nasty person , they are the ones who feel bad and they pick any silly thing to make themselves feel better. Your therapist is right and isnt just saying stock phrases in a therapy session
I am very sure you aren't ugly and in fact I dont ever really remember ever seeing a truly physically ugly person


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## river13

i've been told to my face too many times not to believe there's something wrong


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## Entrensik

Self Acceptance. When you accept yourself you wont care what people think of you. Come to terms with your looks and no one will ever hurt you for it. Read my previous posts ive explained this in more detail. Or get yourself a copy of this book.


the shyness and social anxiety workbook by sean cooper


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## selfloathingregular

By being nasty as a last resort, I mean if someone is persistently nasty toward me for no reason and it gets to the stage where that person thinks they can be a total p.o.s. all of the time, then I start to be passive-aggressive. I pretend to be very nice and then when they let their guard down I humiliate them as much as possible, repeatedly, until death.


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## 820catwoman

*I'm ugly too*

I understand completely your frustration with therapists and friends telling you that surely you are imagining things. Telling you that people in public, complete strangers, would never call someone ugly to their face. I believe you because unsolicited comments from strangers about my unattractive appearance have haunted me for over 50 years. I'm a 62 year old woman and was made painfully aware of my facial shortcomings when I was 10 years old. From junior high through high school I was taunted by other students, male and female alike. They laughed at me, made dog barking noises at me and humiliated me every single day in school. Back in the 60's and 70's there was no help for kids being bullied and harassed. We had to suck it up and suffer in silence. 
I live in Los Angeles; home to celebrities and other people obsessed with beauty and unobtainable perfection in themselves.
You are absolutely right knowing when your appearance is not acceptable by society's standards. My facial features are extremely non symmetrical. I have tiny beady eyes and hooded eyelids. I have bags under my eyes and a puffy looking round red face from Rosacea. Strangers find me repulsive and abnormal looking. And yes, hurtful comments are said out loud to me. I wear makeup and do my best to fix myself up before going out. Of course, after all these years of verbal abuse I'm a basket case. I've been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder by my Psychiatrist. 
Fortunately, I do have friends that accept me unconditionally. I am grateful for this and try my best to try to get through each day and be as positive as I can. The worst thing is the little voice I have in my head telling me that I will never measure up in the looks department. I'm constantly reminded of this fact when I'm out and about in public. Many times strangers stare or smirk at me when I walk by them. Store clerks are unfriendly and hostile towards me when I ask for assistance in a store or when I check out at their register. Even in the hospital, after surgery that I had three years ago; I was treated horribly by most of the nursing staff.
I believe you and I feel your emotional pain. I'm available to you and anyone else on this forum that needs to talk things out and receive emotional support.


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## river13

820catwoman said:


> I understand completely your frustration with therapists and friends telling you that surely you are imagining things. Telling you that people in public, complete strangers, would never call someone ugly to their face. I believe you because unsolicited comments from strangers about my unattractive appearance have haunted me for over 50 years. I'm a 62 year old woman and was made painfully aware of my facial shortcomings when I was 10 years old. From junior high through high school I was taunted by other students, male and female alike. They laughed at me, made dog barking noises at me and humiliated me every single day in school. Back in the 60's and 70's there was no help for kids being bullied and harassed. We had to suck it up and suffer in silence.
> I live in Los Angeles; home to celebrities and other people obsessed with beauty and unobtainable perfection in themselves.
> You are absolutely right knowing when your appearance is not acceptable by society's standards. My facial features are extremely non symmetrical. I have tiny beady eyes and hooded eyelids. I have bags under my eyes and a puffy looking round red face from Rosacea. Strangers find me repulsive and abnormal looking. And yes, hurtful comments are said out loud to me. I wear makeup and do my best to fix myself up before going out. Of course, after all these years of verbal abuse I'm a basket case. I've been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder by my Psychiatrist.
> Fortunately, I do have friends that accept me unconditionally. I am grateful for this and try my best to try to get through each day and be as positive as I can. The worst thing is the little voice I have in my head telling me that I will never measure up in the looks department. I'm constantly reminded of this fact when I'm out and about in public. Many times strangers stare or smirk at me when I walk by them. Store clerks are unfriendly and hostile towards me when I ask for assistance in a store or when I check out at their register. Even in the hospital, after surgery that I had three years ago; I was treated horribly by most of the nursing staff.
> I believe you and I feel your emotional pain. I'm available to you and anyone else on this forum that needs to talk things out and receive emotional support.


Yes exactly.. the smirks are the worst because I never know how to react to them, they're very unnerving. I've also had nurses treat me terribly too which is scary because they are in control of your physical well being. I remember one specific time that i went to the doctor and the nurse that weighs you was giving me the most evil look, looked me up and down with a look on her face that said "you are a worthless, ugly piece of crap" and when she took my blood pressure she was extremely aggressive ... she was really scary. Thank you for your understanding and support, sorry you have to deal with this too.


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## hmweasley

It's always confused me why people are cruel to people the don't find attractive either. It's not like it's affecting the mean people personally, and you're not getting anything out of saying mean things to people. 

I know one of my friends told me a few months ago that her boyfriend hates fat people, like apparently very actively hates them. All I could really say in response was, "I just don't understand that because it's not like they're affecting his life any."

She told me that she thought it was because he was scared of becoming fat himself. I don't know if that could translate to other was of being conventionally viewed as unattractive, but I figure she knows him well enough that her point-of-view on him personally was probably accurate.


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## river13

hmweasley said:


> It's always confused me why people are cruel to people the don't find attractive either. It's not like it's affecting the mean people personally, and you're not getting anything out of saying mean things to people.
> 
> I know one of my friends told me a few months ago that her boyfriend hates fat people, like apparently very actively hates them. All I could really say in response was, "I just don't understand that because it's not like they're affecting his life any."
> 
> She told me that she thought it was because he was scared of becoming fat himself. I don't know if that could translate to other was of being conventionally viewed as unattractive, but I figure she knows him well enough that her point-of-view on him personally was probably accurate.


Someone else said something like people are afraid to be around ugly people because they don't want to be ugly themselves. Well if this is why people treat me so bad, I just dont know how to cope with something so horrible. I honestly can't deal with that....maybe if my therapist/psychiatrist could admit this, they could somehow help me. but they keep on denying that I get treated so bad and that people literally hate me for being ugly. Well here's proof that people hate others just for their appearance. I can't deal with it. I'm too scared to kill myself right now so that's not really an option... I have no idea how to cope with this...I have so much anger inside from this too.. I can barely take holding in anger anymore ...what if I break one day and end up doing something horrible? THese are the thoughts that I have. I have nothing in my life to look forward to except hatred towards me for something I can't even change. I literally feel awful like I can't even understand how I can ever be happy. I'm only 36 and I have decades to go if I choose to live and nothing happens to me....this is unreal...


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## JohnDoe26

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


I've posted here before about being so ugly that I get stared at everywhere I go. People here aren't a real help; you'll either be told it's all in your head or some "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" crap, completely negating our experience and making us feel more like s--t

I too am stunned by how people seem to be in denial of this reality that there are truly ugly people. I've also had doctors and psychiatrists tell me the exact same thing, denying my experience, when it was quite obvious based on their facial expression and reaction towards me that they too notice what's clearly wrong with my face (I have really asymmetrical features).

The only advice I can give you is to make peace with it and to finds hobbies and purpose in life. If you want someone to talk to, please PM me, since apparently there are so few of us who actually have gone through this experience in real life and aren't just imagining it like the majority of the bunch on this forum.


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## hmweasley

river13 said:


> Someone else said something like people are afraid to be around ugly people because they don't want to be ugly themselves. Well if this is why people treat me so bad, I just dont know how to cope with something so horrible. I honestly can't deal with that....maybe if my therapist/psychiatrist could admit this, they could somehow help me. but they keep on denying that I get treated so bad and that people literally hate me for being ugly. Well here's proof that people hate others just for their appearance. I can't deal with it. I'm too scared to kill myself right now so that's not really an option... I have no idea how to cope with this...I have so much anger inside from this too.. I can barely take holding in anger anymore ...what if I break one day and end up doing something horrible? THese are the thoughts that I have. I have nothing in my life to look forward to except hatred towards me for something I can't even change. I literally feel awful like I can't even understand how I can ever be happy. I'm only 36 and I have decades to go if I choose to live and nothing happens to me....this is unreal...


If your therapist isn't taking you seriously, I would definitely recommend finding a new therapist.


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## JohnDoe26

Let me elaborate more on my own personal experience....I literally get looks of disgust when I walk the street because of my face. I've had people turn their heads, and follow me with their sight as I'm just walking keeping to myself. I notice too that people behave differently towards ugly people. Like when I go to the bank: the teller will be all chatty and friendly with the person before me, and when it's my turn the teller becomes all formal, giving me one or two word answers, and no "you're welcome" or "have a nice day" when I say thank you. But as I leave, I hear the enthusiasm and friendliness of the teller turn on for the next person. That's just one of many every day social experiences. The worst is the staring though. Do you have to go through that too?


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## 820catwoman

John Doe
I am also extremely aware of how friendly cashiers, sales clerks, and other people in service work are to people they wait on. When I walk up they immediately turn cold and hostile while they are waiting on me. I always say hello and ask how their day is going for them but still receive crappy treatment. 
PM me any time you need to talk.


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## JohnDoe26

820catwoman said:


> John Doe
> I am also extremely aware of how friendly cashiers, sales clerks, and other people in service work are to people they wait on. When I walk up they immediately turn cold and hostile while they are waiting on me. I always say hello and ask how their day is going for them but still receive crappy treatment.
> PM me any time you need to talk.


I just did


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## river13

@johndoe and catwoman: yes i get treated like this by cashiers too and I notice that other people don't get this treatment. I also noticed that cashiers will not deal with me for a while if they don't have too. They ignore me and make me wait a little. One time at a drugstore the lady made me wait until a mans voice over the loudspeaker said theres someone at the register. then she proceeded to treat me like crap. Rarely do I even get a "have a nice day" or even a greeting when i bring my stuff to the register. They probably want me to get mad enough to walk out so they don't have to acknowledge me.


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## Ittarleton

Hello, I feel a sense of sisterhood or cousinry with you. I, on the other hand, have grown up unusually beautiful my whole life. I hated myself because people would judge me so harshly. I even believed what they were saying. I thought to myself, "If I weren't so thin, if people could see my illnesses and struggles on the outside, then I would make a ton of friends and get along with my coworkers." 

Long story short, I gained 70 lbs, and even though I am not drop dead gorgeous anymore, I am still pretty enough to make other women feel uncomfortable around their men. 

I still dont have many friends. People still judge me harshly, giving me angry looks from across the restaurant. Picking at every little thing to make their friends (or wives) feel better about themselves. I go to the library and people start whispering. I go to the grocery store and people are nosily waiting to see what products and food choices I make. EVERY TIME.

Not to mention I cant get a job. I blame poor interview skills and poor management. Men dont walk up to me and ask me out. I swear their best friends are talking them out of it because i'm multiracial.

These are some of the reasons i've come up with to explain why people treat me the way they do. Non of it is fact, no one has told me "you're too pretty". But I tell you what, sister. Its how you carry yourself. If you walk around like your unattractive, people will feed off of that and yes they are *******s! What you need to do is conduct yourself with class, and walk into the room with purpose. Dont dress like you work there, dress like you own the place (after you get the job of course). 

And remember, you dont know how unhappy people are untill you look into their lives. No joke.


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## selfloathingregular

I'm sorry to hear about these awful experiences. I myself look quite attractive and I have also always experienced similar hostility. In my case, I put that down to looking serious/unfriendly which people interpret as me giving them the middle finger. However, that is just a manifestation of my anxiety. My public life has been based on a great misunderstanding, the perception that I am confident and stand-offish. The reality is I am tense and nervous and pretend to be confident.

My advice is to plod on with life, do things you enjoy and ignore these antics as much as you can. Also, do not lower your head and look visibly upset if you can. It's not easy but important to not advertise your misery in life, unless you're on this forum.


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## Invisiblehandicap

I cant believe no one has mentioned makeup. Also do you dress down, have oily hair and skin? These things alone can cause some people to call you ugly. There was a girl on here that was beautiful but everyone was calling her ugly because she looked different. Well assuming you are ugly: 



.


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## river13

hmweasley said:


> It's always confused me why people are cruel to people the don't find attractive either. It's not like it's affecting the mean people personally, and you're not getting anything out of saying mean things to people.
> 
> I know one of my friends told me a few months ago that her boyfriend hates fat people, like apparently very actively hates them. All I could really say in response was, "I just don't understand that because it's not like they're affecting his life any."
> 
> She told me that she thought it was because he was scared of becoming fat himself. I don't know if that could translate to other was of being conventionally viewed as unattractive, but I figure she knows him well enough that her point-of-view on him personally was probably accurate.





Invisiblehandicap said:


> I cant believe no one has mentioned makeup. Also do you dress down, have oily hair and skin? These things alone can cause some people to call you ugly. There was a girl on here that was beautiful but everyone was calling her ugly because she looked different. Well assuming you are ugly:
> 
> 
> 
> .


No I wear makeup and it still happens. I think I'm just too ugly for that type of thing anyway.. like it makes me look like Im trying too hard... i'm one of those that no matter how much makeup and how nicely dressed i'm still ugly...believe me i tried it all


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## laraanani

Why not try some other therapist if they didn't get you, you can take some suggestions or professional help from here 317-641-8140


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## cinnamonqueen

ask yourself this, How do I carry myself? Do I carry myself as someone who is worthy and demands respect? Do I respect myself and set boundaries? do I have boundaries?

its not just looks. Take time to self reflect and be honest with yourself. If you treat yourself like ish then other people will too.


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## bintuae

Sorry I still do not believe what you say. like nurses treat you badly for being ugly? This is weird. Maybe too ugly or scary looking. ok look you can't change what people think you have no control over this. You only have control over how you see yourself. There is this girl on youtube who according to most people looks like an alien (she's quite famous forgot her name) but her confidence is so high that she looks happy and accomplished.


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## JohnDoe26

bintuae said:


> Sorry I still do not believe what you say. like nurses treat you badly for being ugly? This is weird. Maybe too ugly or scary looking. ok look you can't change what people think you have no control over this. You only have control over how you see yourself. There is this girl on youtube who according to most people looks like an alien (she's quite famous forgot her name) but her confidence is so high that she looks happy and accomplished.


Wouldn't it be better to say, "hey, I can't understand or fathom how nurses can act that way" as opposed to calling a person who struggles with mental illness a liar?


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## AngelClare

None of us know what you look like so your therapist probably knows better than we do.

If you were very unattractive and likely to be insulted your therapist would try to get you not to care what people say. Since he's telling you that you're not ugly, you probably look normal. Maybe you suffer from BDD.

People are mean to ugly people because it makes them feel superior. You are distressed by what they think because you don't like feeling inferior. Even a desire to be average is a desire to be superior to 50% of people. It's two sides of the same coin. Both people place a high value on how they rank.

You ask why are people mean to ugly people? Why are you so mean to yourself?

You need to show yourself compassion and accept yourself before you can expect others to do the same.


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> Well you said you were good looking so I'm sure if I was good looking I wouldn't need anyone's approval either. In fact I know I wouldn't. Everyone would want to be around me so I wouldn't even need to worry about that type of thing.


 if everyone wanted to be around me then I would have a bunch of friends.

You know how many friends I have? Zero.

As a male, looks aren't that important anyway.

Once a decent looking girl finds I'm a recluse she just talks to the more alpha guys.

And that doesn't take long.


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## ScorchedEarth

AngelClare said:


> You ask why are people mean to ugly people? Why are you so mean to yourself?
> 
> You need to show yourself compassion and accept yourself before you can expect others to do the same.


Disagreed. It's important to be aware of facts rather than living in denial. Unappealing features are a thing. They exist, and those unlucky enough to have them are mistreated. Also, what you're saying is basically victim-blaming. Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully by default, regardless of how they see themselves.


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## AngelClare

LawfulStupid said:


> Disagreed. It's important to be aware of facts rather than living in denial. Unappealing features are a thing. They exist, and those unlucky enough to have them are mistreated. Also, what you're saying is basically victim-blaming. Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully by default, regardless of how they see themselves.


How is it victim blaming to suggest that you have compassion for yourself and accept yourself before you demand that of others?

If you hate the way you look and you call yourself ugly then you are your own bully ad your own worst enemy. If you accept yourself then you won't be so easily upset by those who try to insult you. Insults hurt more when you secretly fear they are true. If you don't believe you're ugly then you won't care if someone calls you ugly.


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## ScorchedEarth

AngelClare said:


> If you hate the way you look and you call yourself ugly then you are your own bully ad your own worst enemy.


I have a more neutral approach to ugliness. I don't see it as a flaw to have unattractive features, and it definitely shouldn't be used as an insult. It's a handicap in some ways, and that should be acnowledged.

So, suppose someone has facial or bodily features that are considered unappealing by the vast majority of the population. Say, gynecomastia, or some facial deformity. Should the person ignore this and pretend to be as desirable as the average person? That's delusion and can lead to more pain. It's best to accept it, not despise it, but recognize the handicap.


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## river13

@Lawful stupid.. yes this is all true...I agree with all that you said...unattractive features do exist ... if they didnt how would we even know what beautiful features are? If there is no such thing as bad then theres no such thing as good... things would just BE
WHen I say I'm ugly, Im not being mean to myself...I just feel like I need to express it this way to get my point across on this forum.. I just know other people see me that way.. my therapist does try to get me not to care... 
Also it hurts me that I'm not as desirable as other girls are.. that hurts... I don't get how that doesn't hurt other people???? Maybe I just need to get old then I just won't care anymore because I'll be an old damn lady

Edit: NO I'm not going to give up.. I'm going to keep on trying to get more attractive the older I get.. I won't ever give up..I'll just have to brace myself for disappointment all the time


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## Memory

I think you need a therapist who is on your side. I can't stand people who always defend the other person by saying "they're a good person they just had a bad day" like your delusional or something.

There are people who hurt others for their looks. It makes them feel superior and powerful. But most people aren't like that and are just busy worrying about their own problems.
I know some not so good looking people who date average to good looking people because they have great personalities that make them look better. Just look around and you'll see lots of "ugly" people with friends or a significant other. 
Looks aren't everything. Don't let it ruin your life.


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## river13

Memory said:


> I think you need a therapist who is on your side. I can't stand people who always defend the other person by saying "they're a good person they just had a bad day" like your delusional or something.
> 
> There are people who hurt others for their looks. It makes them feel superior and powerful. But most people aren't like that and are just busy worrying about their own problems.
> I know some not so good looking people who date average to good looking people because they have great personalities that make them look better. Just look around and you'll see lots of "ugly" people with friends or a significant other.
> Looks aren't everything. Don't let it ruin your life.


Yeah and thats what it feels like, like they're defending the other person who is discriminating because it can't be proved... well its not ok..I think since I went through so much of this I take every incident in a negative way when its not always the case... but its hard to see when someone is being discriminatory or not and I already have that idea that they may be..and I know exactly the type of people you are talking about that aren't so attractive but have great personalities because i know some ...but I'm not one because of my social anxiety and depression.. the depression takes away a lot of energy from me so I seem boring .. the s.a. makes me seem anxious and weird so my personality is kind of messed up too. but it's harder to see that, whereas my face is seen by everyone and that's all they can judge me by... but I'll try to remain positive. Thanks for all the input everyone...I read all the posts and I am considering everything that everyone is saying..


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## AngelClare

river13 said:


> Yeah and thats what it feels like, like they're defending the other person who is discriminating because it can't be proved...


You can't read minds. You can only attempt to interpret actions. If you have serious insecurities you'll interpret things in a way that corroborates your fears.

You can't really trust your mind. Your perception is distorted by your insecurities.


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## river13

AngelClare said:


> You can't read minds. You can only attempt to interpret actions. If you have serious insecurities you'll interpret things in a way that corroborates your fears.
> 
> You can't really trust your mind. Your perception is distorted by your insecurities.


Didn't you read the thread? People tell me I'm ugly and hideous and scary looking... I've been told these all to my face. People say ew when I walk by..people laugh at my face.. why do I have to keep rehashing these horrible moments... I don't want to remember these moments but I have to get people to understand why I'm depressed. It's not about reading minds.. not to mention non verbal behaviors exist and it's easy to read but since we have to take EVERYTHING at face value.. theres' your proof... people say I'm ugly..


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## Lonelyguy111

Me too.
I am not a good looking person at all and I have always been openly ignored by pretty girls all my life. They will barely acknowledge my existence.

People think "ugly" people are inferior in intellect and morals and such simply because of their looks. They look bad so they must be bad persons much like how we view ugly monsters in movies. As on the inside, so on the outside so to speak. That is how they think.

Beautiful people on the outside must be beautiful people on the inside so they must be good people. WRONG!

People's egos prevent them from associating with "ugly" people.
They do not want to be associated with bad looking "losers". Think Hollywood types. Would they associate with an ugly ducklings unless that ugly duckling had great wealth or something of the like?

People like that are very self-centered, egotistical and uncaring.
They judge by the outside and not by the inside.


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## SilentWitness

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


I'm sorry this is happening to you *river*. Some people can be real arseholes.

Your therapist won't acknowledge it because they think it will just reinforce your negative view of yourself. And to some extent it is about the person making the comment, but your therapist should be on your side. You shouldn't have to make allowances for these jerks, how is your appearance related to them having a bad day? Sigh. Also, some therapists live in a bubble. :um

Tell your therapist you're saving up for plastic surgery, and explain the reasons why, see how receptive he/she is to this idea. You could record an incident on your phone as proof, but I have a feeling your therapist will still make excuses.

I can offer support.


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## AngelClare

It's crazy how people here get professional help then ignore that help and rely on advice from people who suffer from the same mental problems.

We've had countless people here tell us they're ugly. Tell us people say they're ugly then show us a picture that's actually attractive.


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## river13

AngelClare said:


> It's crazy how people here get professional help then ignore that help and rely on advice from people who suffer from the same mental problems.
> 
> We've had countless people here tell us they're ugly. Tell us people say they're ugly then show us a picture that's actually attractive.


I don't totally ignore their advice. I came on here to vent because I'm frustrated about them not being able to understand the emotional pain it's causing me and how it effects me as a human being. I dont think they realize the impact it has on my self-esteem and my life. Coming on here and seeing that others relate is a relief to me because no one likes to be alone in their suffering. 
People think I'm ugly; if you don't believe me that's fine I can't prove it through my posts. But I'm not going to post a picture.


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## Kovu

river13 said:


> I don't totally ignore their advice. I came on here to vent because I'm frustrated about them not being able to understand the emotional pain it's causing me and how it effects me as a human being. I dont think they realize the impact it has on my self-esteem and my life. Coming on here and seeing that others relate is a relief to me because no one likes to be alone in their suffering.
> People think I'm ugly; if you don't believe me that's fine I can't prove it through my posts. But I'm not going to post a picture.


If you need to you should try a new therapist.


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## dj51234

Because they are insecure themselves and need to take out their low self-steem issues onto other people that don't deserve it.


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## Chasingclouds

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I cant believe no one has mentioned makeup. Also do you dress down, have oily hair and skin? These things alone can cause some people to call you ugly. There was a girl on here that was beautiful but everyone was calling her ugly because she looked different. Well assuming you are ugly:
> 
> 
> 
> .


To be honest, this is what I do. Every day I put on a carhartt winter hat, I use undershirts and regular non branded t shirts, I don't wear anything light and I always wear dark things. I wear a zip up hoodie always and regular blue jeans. That's it.


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## Clementin

I understand you want to get accepted, everyone does. But I also think acceptance is often just a feeling, and the most important thing is to accept yourself. If suddenly all the people you feel dont accept you were gone, I think the need for acceptance also would disappear. what i mean is you cant change people. people are dumb to each other and many people dont realise before they get older that how they react are causing people hurt. some people never get that insight, and i would say sorry for them that they never got that. I have and still do fear other peoples opinions about me but i also find that i have been judging other people aswell. but its not easy to just start just start accepting things the way they are, but take small steps. looks is also not that important, who`s to say that this and that is beautiful? we are all different and there will allways be someone that will love the way you look. I am so tired of the superficial society we live in.


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## skyisblue

river13 said:


> Well you said you were good looking so I'm sure if I was good looking I wouldn't need anyone's approval either. In fact I know I wouldn't. Everyone would want to be around me so I wouldn't even need to worry about that type of thing.


I'm good looking and what I've found is _most people don't want to be around me.

_I don't know why so many people on this site seem to believe that looks will make everyone love you.

Social ability matters a lot and if someone doesn't give off a social vibe people will tend to gravitate away from the indvidual giving off a bad social vibe.

In fact I find it insulting that people tend to assume that just because I'm good looking that people like me. In truth, I've found it to be the opposite. Not only do most people not like me cuz I'm shy, people have also resented me because of my looks.

A lot of people assume I'm just being a conceited jerk that thinks I'm better than other people (because of my looks) because of my quietness.

There are situations where I've actually wished i was ugly so people would just see me as just a quiet person instead of a "wasted" quiet person.

There are definitely downsides to being good looking. For one, I'm sick of girls who think I'm cute at first, but then when they find out I'm quiet they are repulsed by me. I've had girls call me a waste of looks.

Honestly I'd rather they just think i'm unattractive to begin with.


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## skyisblue

Accepting yourself and having compassion for others is meaningless if you don't talk to other people.

People that have SA and are alone on this site are that way because _they are shy and afraid to talk to other people and continuously haven't talked to other people.

_Any advice that doesn't actually get them off their butt and around other people and talking to other people is really just a waste of their time.

You'd be surprised to hear that being nice is not a problem at all for anyone on here having problems.

Overcoming SA has everything to do with talking to other people. It's that cut and dry.

Mental masturbation will get you nowhere.


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## Hawx79

I am experienceing the exact same problem, im 36 years old male and even tough I am in great shape I get alot of nasty remarks, stares, jokes and laughs thrown at me, and it has gotten only worse over the years to the point I developed agorafoby and I get a panic attack when someone looks at me for me then a few seconds. I had such hopes for my life but unfortently I have to accept that none of them will be realised anymore. 
Some time ago a girl took a picture of me when I was having dinner alone at a restaurant. She then showed it to her friends for a laugh. 
I just dont know how to live like this anymore


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## WillYouStopDave

They're not specifically mean to ugly people. Generally, people are just mean. They just treat ugly people normally and grant favoritism to pretty people.


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## Monse1616

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


You want to know something? You are beautiful, no matter how much they people said otherwise.

I know how you feel. Believe me. I always thought people talk behind my back and everything, just because I was "ugly", but 90% of time it was just me and my low selfe esteem.

I never realized how hot i am.

If you think you are beautiful, no one can change that. And those people aren't even worth listening.

Ignore them. They can only hurt you, if you let them.

❤
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nujabes23

river13 said:


> I knew no one would understand, I don't know why I bothered posting. I said people treat me like crap because they think I'm ugly. I've been told I'm ugly, weird, annoying, people say "ew" when i walk by. People laugh when they see me. How can I have self confidence? Who in their right mind would have self confidence if they were constantly told they were weird and ugly, that wouldn't be normal. Guys always tell me girls are prettier than me. People do go out of their way to treat others like crap too. what kind of world do you live in where you think no one bothers anyone else? That would be amazing if the world was that way. But its not. People are horrible to me for being ugly and my face ruins their day and they take that out on me. I don't go out because of this. that is the only way i can cope. I said before that i tried everything to be pretty but i cant because its my face that is ugly. I can't help that. i would do anything to be beautiful because that is all i truly want out of this life. I try to focus on the other things that people say matter the most but i know i always go back to wanting beauty.
> and i understand being nicer to ugly people but i just want to be treated normally. i can sense when people pity me and its not a good feeling either although its better than being treated badly.. @AlwaysImagining. It hurts to be uglier than most people no matter what.


i'm exactly like this people don't understand it's the worst feeling ever! but i've had people treat me normal but i sometimes realize i'm the weird one and they totally see my weirdness. i really think it's a confidence thing, if i had more confidence i don't think people would treat me so differently
but it's hard having confidence when you're ugly.


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## regimes

because society places value in beauty and attractiveness.


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## primalrose

I don't think you are delusional at all, I really feel for you. When I read your post I felt your pain. I don't think any therapist is gonna say out right "you're ugly, sorry." If they were honest they'd know deep down less attractive people have it harder automatically. Only people who have been through it truly know what its like. People can be simply unkind to those deemed unattractive. The cold hard reality is that we live in an increasingly superficial world, although humans beings have always been wired to prefer attractive looking people. All the mass media we are surrounded with exploits this part of our human nature and amplifies it to a crazy degree. 

I have a rather unconventional look. Huge, sloping forehead, big nose, a masculine jawline. I have a big-*** head in general. I hide it through hairstyles and angles. I know when I was younger I'd have people talk behind my back, even family members, about how ugly I was or how they'd only call me pretty to make me feel better. No boys asked me out. I remember walking into store, the guy at the cashier was smiling ear to ear at my pretty friend and as I soon as it was my turn to he turned stoned-faced, like he was bitterly disappointed at what he saw. It was weird, insulting and burnt into my brain. I knew I wasn't misinterpreting his reaction either. I'd cope with it by focusing on my talents and being the best I could at it. It worked for a while and I felt much more pride and self-worth. I also dropped 30 pounds and the difference in how people treated me was like night and day. It kind of disturbed me, to be honest. It was like I had stepped into a VIP club, yet it didn't change how I felt deep inside. I still saw flaws and became obsessed with getting rid of them and it made me realize changing my looks alone wasn't the answer.

I can't say I know the exact solution, but realizing everybody else's thoughts about me were none of my business really helped. It's amazing how much time we waste on the opinions of people that really have no bearing on our lives. It's not easy, but its worth working on. As others have said you can't control other people's thoughts, you can only control yours. If altering your appearance in some way helps go for it too. Get in shape, wear clothes that flatter you, get a new haircut. Plastic surgery might be an option, but not something to take lightly. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with it only if people go too far with it and think it'll magically make everything in their life better. Self-acceptance is really where its at, a combination of working on your passions, making meaningful connections with others and also improving your appearance in ways you feel will help you. Something I am still working on and struggling with, but I feel alot better then I used to.


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## lonerroom

skyisblue said:


> I would say that person is probably shy and is accidentally sending off "don't talk to me" signals.


It can also just be plain bad luck. I am in decent shape and I have a decent face, yet people don't seem to like me at all. It must be ebcause of the SA, when you have SA everyone treats you like a monster despite your looks


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## lonerroom

Looks don't always matter, some people are just treated badly because of plain bad luck and being around really mean mean people.


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## Farideh

I'm not sure if I've already commented on this thread, but I can understand how shallow society is because people hated me when I was fat. The way how people behaved towards me was nonsense. By the way, you should not care what a guy thinks about you if you don't want to sleep with him. That works for me. If a woman who I am not interested in is a jerk towards me, I don't care at all. It sucks when people you find attractive treat you bad. That's how it is for me. Sometimes I don't care.


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## AlwaysAlive

unfortunately, it has to do with the way ugly people are perceived 

that's the wya the world works, you will be judged on your looks at one point or another


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## xxDark Horse

There's some people in this world who like to pick on and take advantage of others who are easy target; who they perceive as weaker or who have physical flaws. Like high school bullies. 

And most bullies are selfish and cowards. They only care about themselves and they're cowards because they only pick on people who can't defend themselves.

I don't negotiate with bullies. If I had the power to, i'd make them all experience pain and misery just like they inflicted on their victims.


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## Bargeld

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


Are you ugly? Post pics. We could help you out with an objective assessment, since your self image seems unrealistically negative.

Then we could turn this into a makeover thread.


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## Hawx79

Bargeld said:


> Are you ugly? Post pics. We could help you out with an objective assessment, since your self image seems unrealistically negative.
> 
> Then we could turn this into a makeover thread.


Unrealistical? Who are you to know that for fact. She probably knows more about her own issue then yourself and a person that sees itself as ugly will be too uncertain to do this and she already stated that she wont do it anyway.


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## JohnDoe26

Bargeld said:


> Are you ugly? Post pics. We could help you out with an objective assessment, since your self image seems unrealistically negative.
> 
> Then we could turn this into a makeover thread.


I'd actually love for someone to take me up on that offer (and I've done it before with a few posters here, where I've shown them my photo for honest critique in private). But it would have to be honest feedback, no sugar coating things.

I don't believe a truly ugly person (like myself) would post their photo in public. And no amount of makeovers with clothes, hair, and makeup can change a truly ugly face.


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## Bargeld

Hawx79 said:


> Unrealistical? Who are you to know that for fact.


Fortunately, I didn't say "science indisputably proves the fact that you have negative self image!"

What I did say was "your self image _seems_ unrealistically negative" on the basis of OP's posts. The feedback she reported from people irl makes me think her appearance isn't as bad as her perception of herself.


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## Nspire

Monse1616 said:


> You want to know something? You are beautiful, no matter how much they people said otherwise.
> 
> I know how you feel. Believe me. I always thought people talk behind my back and everything, just because I was "ugly", but 90% of time it was just me and my low self-esteem.
> 
> I never realized how hot i am.
> 
> If you think you are beautiful, no one can change that. And those people aren't even worth listening.
> 
> Ignore them. They can only hurt you, if you let them.
> 
> ❤


Great insight, believing in yourself is super-important.


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## SA go0n

When someone is mean to an ugly person, they are subliminally saying that they're genetically inferior and shouldn't reproduce. It's a practice in eugenics.


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## regimes

river13 said:


> People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
> 
> But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?


okay, first of all, i believe you.

secondly, your therapist and doctor simply want to shrug the topic off because they don't want you to think you're ugly. this is so that you don't get self esteem issues.

thirdly, the reason that people treat people that may not be conventionally or traditionally attractive poorly is because that society places a high value on physical appearance and beauty. do you know why? a number of reasons, but mostly because of advertising. appealing people sell better. they make you feel insecure, so you buy the product- or they make you think you can feel like them, so you buy the product. over the years advertising has dictated what a beautiful person looks like, and demanded that you look like them, or else. we have an entire fraction of the economy devoted to looking more appealing, or more like conventional standards set by some advertising suits in skyscrapers who want to sell you a product from your low self esteem.

and then a lot of people are only interested in you for what you can give them, i.e. sex, which relates to physical appearance.

but you know what? you don't exist just to be beautiful. it's not some tax you have to pay to live. your worth does not lie in your physical appearance. whether you are ugly or not, remember that those are only superficial standards that fluidly change with the market. *they do not define your life, and they do not define your worth. * treat yourself better, regardless of how you appear, and tell everyone that treats you poorly because of your appearance to **** off. it is your life and you should be able to look however the **** you want. and, inevitably, when some people realize that you're not going to change yourself just because of _their_ opinion or just because _they_ don't approve of you, some of them will respect you. the rest can, as i said before, **** off.

basically, be strong and love yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks or does, _for yourself._


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## Notgoingout

Stephen King was talking about American politics when he said ''surface has always taken precedence over substance'' but it seems to be true of the media and parts of society as well. But in general I don't think people will value you solely on looks. And, to be blunt, those that do are ****ing stupid. They're going to end up old and wrinkled but will have no personality and will spend the majority of their life wishing they were 27 again!! The person above said it nicely. I really feel your pain and I feel for you. But anyone who says you're ugly is a piece of ****. Truly that's what they are, without a shred of empathy and therefore intelligence. I'd tell you to ignore them but that's really hard. So just focus on remembering there are so many people out there who are not like that ok?


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## ForcedHabit

I signed up to respond to this. 

To the OP, you will notice in the responses given to you, is that people are so uncomfortable with discrimination due to appearance that they will deny unattractive people exist. 

It is something similar to racism. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it, and people don't want to admit they participate in it and will do anything to deny they view others negatively for the way they were born. Unattractiveness is not limited to any one race, and majority of people of all races fit under "average."

It is such a controversial topic although everyone judges by appearances. Small social cues are determined in the initial meeting, and studies even support that many of these cues are not based on the reality. Unattractive people are seen as less competent, less intelligent, less friendly, less nice, and their views are less likely to be considered. Less than average people. Attractive people are seen as more intelligent, and nicer, and competent, etc...but the perks of attractiveness are not the same as being discriminated against for being unattractive. 

People deny unattractive people exist, because it is uncommon, and rarely seen. Most of the people who we see being called "ugly" online, or in videos, or with our peers are actually average looking. People call someone who is not their type "ugly." Women without make-up are often called ugly. Overweight people are called ugly. Often it is just someone who is not attractive. 

If you are one of the rare individuals who is unattractive, then you will face a much harder time than someone average. People will treat you poorly without you doing anything. Studies show that unattractive people make less money, are less likely to find employment, are given lower grades for the same papers, are given less attention from their parents and childhood teachers, are more likely to be abused, and face more bullying and harassment. 

What is the solution? I don't know. It's hard to address a problem that no one wants to admit is real. Discriminating against appearance is common, but it also is not against the law. It's one of the few forms of discrimination that is ignored, because people don't want to admit it is real.

There are organizations to help people who are disfigured from disease, who have had accidents, who are overweight, who are bullied, but there are no organizations who help people who are unattractive. 

We need more awareness, and less denial. It's a real problem that affects people.


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## truant

ForcedHabit said:


> I signed up to respond to this.
> 
> To the OP, you will notice in the responses given to you, is that people are so uncomfortable with discrimination due to appearance that they will deny unattractive people exist.
> 
> It is something similar to racism. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it, and people don't want to admit they participate in it and will do anything to deny they view others negatively for the way they were born. Unattractiveness is not limited to any one race, and majority of people of all races fit under "average."
> 
> It is such a controversial topic although everyone judges by appearances. Small social cues are determined in the initial meeting, and studies even support that many of these cues are not based on the reality. Unattractive people are seen as less competent, less intelligent, less friendly, less nice, and their views are less likely to be considered. Less than average people. Attractive people are seen as more intelligent, and nicer, and competent, etc...but the perks of attractiveness are not the same as being discriminated against for being unattractive.
> 
> People deny unattractive people exist, because it is uncommon, and rarely seen. Most of the people who we see being called "ugly" online, or in videos, or with our peers are actually average looking. People call someone who is not their type "ugly." Women without make-up are often called ugly. Overweight people are called ugly. Often it is just someone who is not attractive.
> 
> If you are one of the rare individuals who is unattractive, then you will face a much harder time than someone average. People will treat you poorly without you doing anything. Studies show that unattractive people make less money, are less likely to find employment, are given lower grades for the same papers, are given less attention from their parents and childhood teachers, are more likely to be abused, and face more bullying and harassment.
> 
> What is the solution? I don't know. It's hard to address a problem that no one wants to admit is real. Discriminating against appearance is common, but it also is not against the law. It's one of the few forms of discrimination that is ignored, because people don't want to admit it is real.
> 
> There are organizations to help people who are disfigured from disease, who have had accidents, who are overweight, who are bullied, but there are no organizations who help people who are unattractive.
> 
> We need more awareness, and less denial. It's a real problem that affects people.


I agree that people often adopt a very curious stance when it comes to physical beauty. They take the subjective element that does exist and extrapolate it into the wildly unwarranted claim that "everyone is beautiful". They turn a hypothetical ("It's possible that someone, somewhere will find this person attractive") into an actual ("therefore, this person is also beautiful"). It's a bit like arguing that, because someone CAN win millions in a lottery, they too are already a millionaire. :con

We don't have this same problem when it comes to other concepts, like wealth, health, etc. We don't deny poverty or sickness, even though they are equally subjective and relative concepts. We don't say no one is _really_ poor or _really_ sick. I'm not sure how anyone justifies using the concept of physical beauty in a completely different way.

It's a very bizarre sort of reasoning that likely comes from some combination of good intent ("I want to cheer you up"), guilt ("I don't want to feel bad for having physical preferences"), and denial ("my own romantic success has nothing to do with the way I look; people love me because I have a wonderful personality").

If you challenge this claim, people typically resort to evasive tactics: "beauty is subjective" (despite the fact that preferences are very consistent); "people who judge you based on the way you look aren't worth your time" (so should I avoid ... everybody?); "people who love you will love you for who you are, not what you look like" (which people? the hypothetical people I'm never going to meet?); "physical beauty doesn't matter anyway; beauty comes from inside" (so what you're saying is that my real problem is that I'm ugly on the inside? :grin2: ); "you just think you're ugly" (is everyone who thinks they're ugly just imagining it?); etc. It's really just a massive denial of reality and a lot of gaslighting. People just don't want you to complain about it because complaining about the drawbacks of being physically unattractive is itself an ugly and depressing activity that people prefer to avoid.

Denying that ugliness exists just ends up making ugly people feel worse, because not only do they still have to deal with the consequences of being ugly (which don't vanish just because someone denies their existence) but now their experiences have been invalidated and they've been shamed into silence (and often had their character assassinated at the same time -- if I complain about being ugly, I get accused of being shallow ... typically by people who cringe in horror at the thought of dating me > ).

Despite all of this, I am not a negative person. I simply believe in being realistic. It's better to acknowledge reality than to run from it, because as long as you run from it you can't embrace it. Is it better to try to convince yourself that you "really are beautiful" (even though no one else agrees?) or that you're ugly but "that's okay, it doesn't make you a less worthwhile person"? If you need to convince yourself that you're beautiful in order to feel good about yourself, your self-esteem is always going to be fragile because you're going to have to maintain your belief in your beauty in opposition to the way that other people actually treat you. I can tell myself I'm beautiful all I want but it's not going to flood my inbox with letters from secret admirers. :laugh:

Far better if your self-esteem is not based on something so tenuous. Mythology and fairy tales are filled with monsters; but monsters are magical creatures. Show people you don't have to be beautiful to be extraordinary. Yes, I'm a monster; but all the most interesting characters are.


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## catlove

Hey girl, I hope your doing ok now. I am here to confort you by saying that I completely feel you. I literally live the same as you. People also treat me bad because I'm not attractive. Sometimes I feel like they think I look like a crazy person. But you know what, I used to care a lot like you do but I don't care anymore. In my past I used to freak out and always cry when people were mean to me because of my appearance and because of that I developped a severe anxiety and had a lot of suicidal thoughts too but I went to a nice therapist, not the ones you seem to attend and she teached me how to react to those people. Basically you have to shut them down your mind. I mean, you have to ignore them and act confident like you didn't know they were talking/being mean to you. You just go on with your life because you are a person. Everyone is the same despite of their looks. It is the inside that counts. So no one has a toll in your life. They don't know you so they aren't important or special to you and by that you don't have to consider their opinion. Another thing is, you will always find someone who will sympathize with you no matter what. I live in a small island so people here are really closed minded which makes things seem worse but I have moved in the past to a big city and no one, literally no one!! told me I was ugly and treated me like in my home town. It was a dream to me. I even had several guys who liked me and had my first boyfriend then so please don't think that the world is all like that. Believe me (from a person who feels and is treated the same) there are real good people out there. I really suggest you move to a bigger city where you don't know anyone. Try to detox a little from those people who hurt you. I am now back to my city and I am experiencing again those same things but I have a different mindset now and I don't care. I always thing and give credit to the people who really like me/love me. They are the ones that matter. I hope you feel ok now and that you find someone to make your world feel better. I am sorry for my english though but if you need to talk I am here from all of my heart. I would love to help someone who lived like me.


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## 870945

Because they are see themselves in them. What's the best way to meet your "fear" than trying ruining it. But then realizing it's not it you're destroying but the person suffering from the same thing that you do or once had.

People are morons that only think of themselves and the easy way out in life, no matter the cost. I rest my case


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