# I was fired because of social anxiety.



## Anabanana13 (Oct 16, 2015)

I just got a call from my employer and he told me they don't need me at the bar anymore and that I should return the key.

I worked at a very small bar that closed every day at 8 p. m. That's because it was located in a market and it had to close at the same time as the store did. There was a lot of regular costumers. Every employee worked there individually, there was only one at a time at the bar which suited me, I prefer working alone. This place is only 5 min away from my home and I knew all the workers there before, which makes the situation even worse.

I asked the boss what was the problem. He said that he got many complaints from the co-workers that I don't clean the place properly which is something the co-workers told me before but I thought I did better lately but apparently I didn't. But what hurt the most was he told me that he also got many complaints from the customers who said that I'm always in a bad mood and I look so bored all the time. And it hurts so much because I know how hard I always try to look cheerful and happy. He said that people want to see a more cheerful and more talkative person working at a bar. 

I am so hurt but even more I'm embarrassed to death. I have a very strong wish to swallow all the pills in our bathroom. I've reached a dead end. I just want to disappear. After all this time trying and going out of my comfort zone I am back at square one. Even worse, now there are people who will mock me and will laugh at me and think I'm weird. If I tell my family and my friends (more like acquaintances) I won't be able to look them in the face. I am so embarrassed it hurts.

Does anyone know what to do? I want to die so badly. I just can't do this anymore.


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

Don't hurt yourself. Don't listen to them.

It's stupid really, why the F would people at a bar complain because you're not friendly? I mean, if you were a millionaire and sitting there pouting, I might say something but a bar? When I go to a bar (which rarely happens) I'm just happy I get the right drink and that no one spits in it lol. Seriously, it's not like working in a bar is fun or that people make loads of money. I would expect most employees are miserable.

That being said, as an employer, your boss should have walked you through how to clean and made suggestions on how to appear more friendly. If there were complaints about that, a real boss would have tried to help. More than once. So you obviously had a crappy boss and crappy coworkers since no one tried to help you. 

My work (which is far from good) even has people that help. This one lady kept messing up all the time. So one person made a few suggestions. She still messed up. Another person suggested she try this or that. Then I gave other tips. Different ways and multiple attempts to help the person. 

My boss keeps track of our slip ups. she has a chart so she can see our patterns. She mentioned this one thing I kept doing wrong a few times. Then she put it on a post it and put it on my desk so I wouldn't forget. Once I had the post it, it got better. So it doesn't just take a quick suggestion, it takes direction. i.e.) Telling you to clean better is vague and unhelpful.  Telling you to rinse the glass then use the soapy cloth inside and out before rinsing it all is direction. Telling you that you keep missing a spot on the tables when wiping them down is vague. They should show you how to clean it. Wipe from one end to the other then in circles all over. That's direction.

It sounds like you didn't get much proper direction so it's not really your failure. The manager is in charge and it's up to them to make sure people do their jobs right.

I know how stressful and draining a sociable workplace can be. I've gotten good at plastering a smile on my face. sometimes it works and other times it's just awkward.

My advice to you would be to try to find a job that's a more relaxing environment. Work in a library, bookstore, or being a file clerk. Jobs that have limited social pressure/interaction. 
Worry too much about all the social bs and getting emotionally drained from the all the people tends to distract. I know when I have to deal with too many people I get stressed out and make a ton of stupid mistakes.


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

Anabanana13 said:


> I just got a call from my employer and he told me they don't need me at the bar anymore and that I should return the key.
> 
> I worked at a very small bar that closed every day at 8 p. m. That's because it was located in a market and it had to close at the same time as the store did. There was a lot of regular costumers. Every employee worked there individually, there was only one at a time at the bar which suited me, I prefer working alone. This place is only 5 min away from my home and I knew all the workers there before, which makes the situation even worse.
> 
> ...


So sorry you went through that. :squeeze

Why did you say you'll get mocked? How will people know? You don't have to give the full reasons you were fired...


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Sorry to hear, unfortunately I can sympathize with both sides here, I understand why having someone who looks anxious or glum working as a public face for a venue isn't positive and I can't blame them for making the decision to let you go, but I also understand how it's really not something you can easily control. Basically, given your anxiety, that scene isn't suitable for you, but that's okay because there are other which will be more to your calling. SA is the real enemy here, it's a *****.


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## TheSkinnyOne (Sep 17, 2015)

What I don't get is who the hell actually complains about someone not looking happy. I think it was an excuse. I think he just wanted to move you out. Either way dont let this get to you. You can find something better. I suck at trying to look happy myself. Also I think your boss had a problem with you not looking happy. I don't think the customers would have really cared. Don't beat yourself up about this. You tried.

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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

Anabanana13 said:


> I just got a call from my employer and he told me they don't need me at the bar anymore and that I should return the key.
> 
> I worked at a very small bar that closed every day at 8 p. m. That's because it was located in a market and it had to close at the same time as the store did. There was a lot of regular costumers. Every employee worked there individually, there was only one at a time at the bar which suited me, I prefer working alone. This place is only 5 min away from my home and I knew all the workers there before, which makes the situation even worse.
> 
> ...


Okay so one of 2 things a) see a Dr. for SAD and then get a lawyer to file a case for disability discrimination
Or 3) get a job where you don't have to be social. I mean I read this and u said seriously a bar! Could this guy think of a worse place to work with SAD you have to be mentally turned on 24/7 at that job


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## Meroko (Nov 7, 2014)

TheSkinnyOne said:


> What I don't get is who the hell actually complains about someone not looking happy. I think it was an excuse. I think he just wanted to move you out. Either way dont let this get to you. You can find something better. I suck at trying to look happy myself. Also I think your boss had a problem with you not looking happy. I don't think the customers would have really cared. Don't beat yourself up about this. You tried.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk


people do complain about employees not looking happy! it happened to me many times when I worked as a cashier. worst job ever! thankfully I don't have to deal with the public anymore. not a good job for somebody with SA. :no


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## TheSkinnyOne (Sep 17, 2015)

Meroko said:


> people do complain about employees not looking happy! it happened to me many times when I worked as a cashier. worst job ever! thankfully I don't have to deal with the public anymore. not a good job for somebody with SA. :no


I'm sure they do complain but what i mean is i doubt they would complain tto the manager. It just seems like a waste of time. I guess they may not have anything better to do though.

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## brick wall (Oct 21, 2012)

I can't even get a job because of social anxiety.


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## Anabanana13 (Oct 16, 2015)

*A little update*

Thank you all for your responses, I appreciate your support a lot. I feel much better now that a little time passed by. Also, my mom came to my room that day and I just confessed what happened. She was quite nice and supportive about it so I managed to get through that day. I still have to return the keys of the bar though. That's going to be very scary and mostly embarrassing  I just wish I could deal better with tough situations in life and not ruminate on them.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

TheSkinnyOne said:


> I'm sure they do complain but what i mean is i doubt they would complain tto the manager. It just seems like a waste of time. I guess they may not have anything better to do though.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk


Some people are total dicks. Plenty will whine to the manager about someone who isn't all smiley. I had it happen to me a couple of times when I was working at a cafe. It was unionized government work so I didn't get fired. I did well enough to become the manager eventually. Then one day a guy came in and said sarcastically "Hi smiley." So I said "Hi baldy." and he said "Hey I was just kidding" and I said "so was I." he didn't come around anymore. Still had plenty of business in the place. There were really only 3 or 4 out of hundreds who were that bad.



Anabanana13 said:


> Thank you all for your responses, I appreciate your support a lot. I feel much better now that a little time passed by. Also, my mom came to my room that day and I just confessed what happened. She was quite nice and supportive about it so I managed to get through that day. I still have to return the keys of the bar though. That's going to be very scary and mostly embarrassing  I just wish I could deal better with tough situations in life and not ruminate on them.


I'm afraid if you aren't a smiley social person you have to get through it by working two or three times as hard as other people. That was one of the things that saved me at the cafe job - aside from it being unionized. I literal did twice as much work as the smilers.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't really understand people who go to a bar or cafe in order to talk to the workers. I just want my drink made well and promptly. Now if their mood was so bad that it was hard to communicate with them, that would be annoying. 

I find that at Subway, Panera, and other cheapo food places, the workers will often ask you a question but then look in some other direction when I answer. So I'm not even sure if they heard me or not. Rather rude.


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## BJam (May 6, 2014)

Sucks to hear that. I've been rejected because of appearing angry / unhappy, when it was really just my anxiety. It's a tough thing to deal with, but I got through it. I hope you're able to move on to another job that's more suitable.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

I wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me eventually. But it might be because of my depression rather than my SA. It's getting harder to cover it up at work.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Actually I've been fired several times for not talking enough. These were jobs where the whole point was talking though, jobs I was completely unsuited for.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

komorikun said:


> Actually I've been fired several times for not talking enough. These were jobs where the whole point was talking though, jobs I was completely unsuited for.


What jobs were those?


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## huesos (Feb 16, 2016)

I'm sorry to hear you got fired  I would try finding work in a field where face-to-face contact is minimal or nonexistent. Do you find that you do all right speaking with customers by phone or email?


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