# Where do you draw the line on looks?



## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

This question has probably been addressed before but I can't seem to find a thread about it right now. How many of you are capable of becoming more attracted to someone, a person you were not drawn to initially, after you've gotten to know them on a personal level? Do you have an interest in getting to know someone with the idea of a potential relationship in mind _only_ if they meet your physical requirements? Is it limited to how attractive you perceive them initially? Or are you open to the posiblilty of a relationship with people you are able to establish a connection with inspite of their looks? What if they have many physical flaws but have the type of personality which you are drawn to? Where do you draw the line on physical appearence? _Do_ you draw the line? Be honest!


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

I think the only "line" is to separate who I find attractive from who I don't find attractive.

That's not to say that a girl I see one day and don't think much of can't get my attention another time, and vice versa.


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## LAPP (Feb 7, 2007)

A nice personality can make someones appearance seem 'better' than it 'really' is to others. I mean you can find people pretty if they are kind. 

Like if someone is mean I might think they look fat, but if they are nice I might think they look sexy and curvy.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I'm not going to lie: physical appearance does matter to me, but it's down a way on the list as far as things that I find attractive. As far as I'm concerned, anyone that says looks/appearance aren't important at all is just lying.

I know that I myself am in no position to be judging other people on their looks, but I honestly don't usually consider someone I find physically unattractive to be relationship material. I believe there has to be some kind of physical attraction there for a relationship to work. 

Having said all that, I suppose it would be possible for me to fall in love with someone that I didn't initially find physically attractive. Personality is by far the most important thing to me. As long as she doesn't have some kind of disgusting problem like a phobia of bathing, I guess I could picture myself falling for someone I wasn't initially attracted to.

Of course, this is all hypothetical seeing as I've never experienced anything past the "being attracted to someone" stage. :lol


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

dez said:


> Do you have an interest in getting to know someone with the idea of a potential relationship in mind _only_ if they meet your physical requirements?


I'm going to be completely honest...yes. I will not go after someone if I'm not physically attracted to them. I just don't feel the same level of passion or desire as I do for other women. It'd be unfair to get involved with someone that I'd feel incapable of giving my all to. And even if I do take a liking to someone that doesn't meet my standards, I won't act on it because I know I can do better.

It all sounds very shallow, but I know what I want when I see it. I'm not going to settle for less because it wouldn't feel right. You may say that it's unwise to judge a book by its cover, but I'm a very detail-orientated person. I need that visual stimuli to keep me head over heels for them.

Personality can be beautiful too, but I won't fall for it unless it comes with a pretty face.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I was never initially attracted to my last ex-bf. In about three days his personality won me over and I became physically attracted to him. My favorite thing just became staring at him and wondering why he was with me. 

Mutual attraction matters. Personality and looks together in one guy are a match made in heaven.

1) I've had the guy with the athletic bod who only cared about himself and put me down for my weight 

2) Then I've had the guy not with the ideal weight but with whom I was very in love with due to his caring attitude and open communication 

I'll take #2 any day.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I've found that my opinions of "good looking" have changed over the years. When I was 20, I was pretty demanding. About the time I hit 30, I was noticing guys that I wouldn't have given a second thought to before. Now, at 46, I see someone and notice that there are things about him that seem to draw me in even if he's not the "classic" ideal of beauty. I've also noticed that I see a 20 yo and he seems so young, almost childlike. I guess my tastes have matured over the years.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I really can't draw the line anywhere, because I don't have any standards :lol I should probably try to implement some....


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

I'm not really sure where the line is with me... it's rather a grey area. 
I don't make a big deal out if it and treat it like it is; when I find myself physically attracted to a woman, I use it as a cue to go try and find out more about them.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

That's a hard question. I think what I'm attracted to is broad but specific, if that makes any sense. Like Restless Mind said, I know it when I see it. I think that's kind of true for everyone.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Interesting replies.  Does anyone have a "grey area" like FreeSoul suggested?



Restless Mind said:


> dez said:
> 
> 
> > Do you have an interest in getting to know someone with the idea of a potential relationship in mind _only_ if they meet your physical requirements?
> ...


This goes to anyone who'd like to respond. What if you've already known a person for awhile but never considered establishing a relationship with them, in other words you've never thought about them in that way (for whatever reason). Perhaps they didn't possess all the physical traits you adore or maybe they do have some but not others. Over time as you've gotten to know them, would it be possible to become more attracted to them?


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

dez said:


> Interesting replies.  Does anyone have a "grey area" like FreeSoul suggested?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


In short - yes, I think it's possible to be attracted to someone you originally perceived as non-relationship material. Certain circumstances may arise that can give new meaning to the person. But it's all very complex. Like, what changed your mind and for what reason(s)? Were they for the right reason(s)? Who knows, but I doubt it'll be that passion-driven, I-can't-live-without-you-type of attraction. But what is love anyway - if it's not trust, respect, admiration?


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## richie (Jan 24, 2006)

Physical appearance is not very important to me and someone can definately "become" more beautiful in my eyes by knowing their personality so I have a hard time ruling any one out based only on looks. I do put a higher priority on if a woman keeps in shape though. By no means does she doesn't have to be supermodel thin, just close to h/w proportionate. I've devoted most of the past few years to my health and working out and eating right and especially with my background of having an eating disorder, I tend to let my guard down when I'm around people who don't take care of themselves. Call it selfish motivation or whatever, but I've worked to hard to get to where I am today and I can't afford to fail now.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

dez said:


> This question has probably been addressed before but I can't seem to find a thread about it right now. How many of you are capable of becoming more attracted to someone, a person you were not drawn to initially, after you've gotten to know them on a personal level? Do you have an interest in getting to know someone with the idea of a potential relationship in mind _only_ if they meet your physical requirements? Is it limited to how attractive you perceive them initially? Or are you open to the posiblilty of a relationship with people you are able to establish a connection with inspite of their looks? What if they have many physical flaws but have the type of personality which you are drawn to? Where do you draw the line on physical appearence? _Do_ you draw the line? Be honest!


I actually mentioned this in another thread. I have personal experience of finding myself attracted to someone I had zero attraction to initially. After getting to know her I personally find her to be the most amazing beautiful person I've ever met.

That being said I can't see myself approaching a woman that I have zero attraction towards. The only way I could see me ending up with someone I initially didn't find attractive is by starting as friends and after getting to know the person making it a romantic relationship.

As shallow as it is I draw the line for physical appearance at large women. Physical flaws like scars, big ears, funky chin, strange elbows or hands or stuff like that doesn't bother me at all and sometimes it's actually cute/attractive.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I find myself attracted to various types of people. I can't even pinpoint exactly what I like. I would say, given the fact that I am the physical manifestation of grim perversion, my standards are sparse.


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

All of the strongest crushes I've had were on very average looking women whose personalities captivated me more than any supermodel ever could have. However, I won't lie. A pretty face goes a very long way with me...I can't help it even though I know it's wrong. That being said, I'd still enter into a relationship with someone who I could see was objectively unattractive physically if she was charismatic in a way that I liked and/or that turned me on for some reason. Not that I have much experience.


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## ate16am (Dec 23, 2005)

For me, personality is more important than looks. Yes, looks are what first attract people, but...well, for example: There was a guy who I thought was the perfect male specimen, my "ideal" guy. So beautiful. I literally stopped in my tracks the first time I saw him. But it turned out he was arrogant, rude, an all-around assh*le. That changed everything. I was no longer attracted to him at all.

Another example: When I first met one of my good male friends, I thought he was nice, but didn't think much of him looks-wise. He wasn't ugly, he just wasn't "my type." After getting to know him, I found out he has the most awesome sense of humor, we had so much in common, and he is a genuinely great guy. One day I realized (even though I'm not single) how attractive he is, and that any girl would be lucky to have him.

So you see, it works both ways.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I think anyone will find another person more attractive if they like their personality. I also think that on average, guys care more about looks than girls.

I don't really have a line. I do have standards but it's not always so black and white. There's definetly a gray area, but I guess nowadays I prefer to go for someone who I know I'm physically attracted to so I don't have to make that choice.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Yeah, I think it's the same for everyone. I either find someone attractive or I don't. It's too broad to even describe it. There's nothing that 100% turns me off or on. Well, besides being extremely obese or being an axe murderer.

To me there is also a difference between being unattracted to someone and being repulsed by someone. You probably think I'm a dick for saying something like that, but you're lying if you tell me you've never been physically repulsed by another person. Don't tell me you've never seen the lady with gravy stains on her shirt and 2 teeth in her head with plaque thick enough to ice a cake. Or the 50 year old man with a long, stringly skullet and huge gut sticking out of his "No Fear" t-shirt, over his unwashed, filth covered jeans.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

I draw the line at looking real/natural and who gives me a warm feeling when looking at her.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

lol....that's funny, I've always thought of Kim Clijster as a girl in the grey zone as well. When I look at her, I often think to myself "Is she attractive?.....yeah.....well not really....ummm....maybe?" I don't think I would pick someone like her just because in the past I've had relationships sort of like that and it's very hard for me to deal with. I'm not proud of that, but what can I do...
Maria Sharapova is good...there's this other Russian that's also nice


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I think Im attracted to similar attractiveness physically but must include class and character. but discussing about looks is just going around in circles because I think its a very subjective topic.


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