# Girlfriend



## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Hey so long time no see. Just a quick intro, I am 21, in college, have had a few friends in the past (couldnt stand being around them because anxiety) and up until about a year ago the longest conversation i ever had with a women that I wasnt related to was maybe 2-3 minutes. Skip forward to now, im dating a beautiful girl, shes intelligent, funny and I can't get enough of her.

So what changed?

Well to begin with I should mention that I tried conventional medication. Benzos, beta blockers and "homeopathic" remedies. None of them worked. They took away the anxiety but I was just left sitting by myself not talking to anyone. Then one day I was prescribed adderall. Not for actual adhd but because I read online it can help a lot with SA. It did a tremendous job of doing so, I felt like a social god for a bit. The first day on it, I ended up chatting away with a girl and walked her back to her place. I could tell at the end she wanted me to make future plans with her but I was still completely socially incapable and ended up just saying goodbye

Skip ahead adderall was great but way to many side effects, I was prescribed dexedrine and desoxyn (other forms and variations of amphetamine). Still lots of side effects, so I was finally prescribed focalin (basically ritalin). Focalin worked less effectively but it did give me the energy and bravery to go out to various social events. After a few weeks of using focalin I started to be able to actually talk to strangers a little bit. I was still very awkward but atleast I was trying.

Huge change #1
Finally a girl starts to flirt with me after I try to break the ice with a circle of people at a party. She was the really outgoing type. Not exactly the kind of girl I usually imagined myself with but who am I to complain right now? She knew I was shy and obviously completely inexperienced. So how was my anxiety with her? About the worst in my life. I had no freaking clue how to really talk to her or interact with her. When she started to flirt with me she basically did everything. She talked, she made physical contact, and she asked for my number. I didnt know what to do after that. I talked with my roommate about it which was extremely unusual for me. I had barely said two words to him throughout the year. He told me to text her. Well...I did and every time i hit the send button on my phone it felt like a panic attack button. Finally managed to go out with her. On the date I felt like I was going to die but she was a smart girl and realized how nervous I was. Somehow we ended up dating for about 3 weeks. Every time we met I had severe anxiety, but each time it was a little less terrible. 

I know that doesnt sound like a huge change but it made me realize its all about desensitization. This is where things get interesting. I was finally able to ditch the focalin and force myself to go out without it. Every chance I saw, i would force myself to socialize. What I want to stress here is how painfully awkward all of this was. I really didnt have any social skills at all. There would be huge gaps in conversation, i would say really weird things etc. (I also want to mention that my anxiety made me feel like theres no way that I could ever have a relationship because I never knew what to talk about. I constantly had this fear of running out of conversation topics). Anyway after a few months of this awkward stage I finally started seeing the patterns. I was able to have conversations with people and come off completely normal sounding. It was a really great feeling. I did a winter vacation charity trip where I would be forced to socialize with the same people day after day after day constantly, without a break. I was completely terrified but I knew it was a next step. It definitely took me a while to be able to talk to people under these circumstances but after trying repeatedly I finally managed to break the ice. Dont get me wrong there was still heap loads of awkwardness but I was generally accepted.

Turns out on that trip there was a beautiful girl (the one im dating) that i managed to talk to a few times. After break it turned out we had class together. I made it a point to sit next to her even though i still had no idea what to do. Again I want to stress...there was a lottttt of awkwardness. It didnt feel smooth at all. There were a few days where I literally skipped class because i couldnt handle it...it was a struggle. Anyway after about 10 weeks of doing this we started to have this flow between us. It finally hit me, even though I was really anxious I managed to ask her out. I wont go through all the details because this post is already way to long. But after weeks and weeks of going out with her and being exposed to being alone with her I finally started feeling almost no anxiety. We have now been officially been in a relationship for over two months without any signs of slowing down! She regularly tells me that she cant get enough of me and Im crazy about her.

The point of this post wasnt to show off. The point was to say that I know how it all feels. The constant fear of interacting with people. The fear of not knowing what to say. The fear of being alone forever and for the love of god I know how much lack of motivation there is to ever even attempt to socalize.

I essentially had no friends and 0 social skills and in a little over a year all of that has all changed. I didnt mention it but along the way i also picked up some friends. You don't need to be on drugs long term. Maybe as a jumping off point, similar to how I used them but they arent the solution. Its really just about exposing yourself over and over and over. Forcing yourself to go to those uncomfortable places etc. I know most people with SA also have no motivation to do so but you really just have to force it. It most likely wont be a smooth road but expect that going in.

Sorry that was obnoxiously long and terribly written. I was out with my girlfriend all of last night and Im exhausted. If you have any questions please let me know. Ill log in to make sure to answer them. But for those of you in the place I was in for the first 20 years of my life. I want you to know how much things can change, you just really need to give it your all.


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## MrBrunk (Oct 26, 2012)

Thats awesome dude, thanks for posting. Don't know about others, but for me, its these kinda posts that give us some hope 

The whole adderall/ritalin thing guiding you is interesting. For sometime now, been thinking of going on these myself just because I just have a huge lack of focus/concentration. Nice to hear that it can help with SA too, and give you the confidence to work on your issues.

Now, I just gotta find a way to force myself out of the house and get some, hah.


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## Handsome Beast (Jan 3, 2014)

I have no problem with long post. I can get long winded myself if I've got something to say.

Glad to see you've made progress in your life.

Now if only I was 21 again. *sigh* Well you can't go back.


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## CallMeTroy (Nov 15, 2013)

First off, congratulations! Also I must say thank you for this post, it's this kind of thing that really gives people like me hope for the future. If I want to achieve the same thing I think I need to put myself out there more, I just need to think of ways of doing so.


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## Hermiter (Dec 15, 2013)

Congratulations this helps.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Congratulations. What a big change you've made.

Actually recently I was beside a pretty girl in class too. But it ended up totally humiliating by the end of the semester. She would talk out loud
in front of the class ask me humiliating questions in front of everyone to make people think of me as the fool of the room and she enjoyed doing that. not very nice.

I guess some of us can't learn to talk. Your earlier talk about how you didn't know anything , felt always lost etc. is what many of us severe SA guys exactly feel.

But then it ends up like that *for the rest of our lives*. Because whatever we try it's still not accepted.

I don't know if it's because I didn't try hard enough. Or just some of us are incapable of improving past a limit , like a congenital handicap.


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## MrZetnek (Oct 12, 2013)

Ok, answer this
1. What if we rarely leave the house and don't see girls most of the time?
2.What if there are no pretty girls to take interest in?
3. How did you get past the thoughts of rejection?
4. How "uncomfortable" do I need to get?
5. How did you know if the girl would be interested in you?
6. Did you spend a lot of money on her? 
7. Is there a solution for guys that can't make eye contact?


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## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

I'm jealous. Good for you man. You took the big leap, something that is excruciatingly difficult to do for many of us. Your post gives me hope but also gives me the fear that I will need to suffer enormously through the process to make it out clean on the other side.


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## Matt094 (Jan 10, 2014)

Congrats man, glad things are looking bright for you. Ive been trying to talk to girls like this little by little now for the past couple years, and while i havent had a girlfriend yet, i feel like ive been improving a little bit each time. This gives me hope! I wish you two well.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry everyone, ive literally been with her for the last couple of days non-stop. A feet I never thought possible for myself. I will try to answer everyone as well as I can.

@Handsome Beast
I know it seems like because I'm only 21 its different then for you. Honestly in my mind it was more of...im 21 and I can't interact with people. This is ridiculous, im broken and to old to be having this as a problem. Its not actually a matter of age, its a matter of state of mind. My point being that don't use your age as an excuse to not do something about it.

@failoutboy
No, I have not been on medication for months now.

@CallMeTroy
Thank you, it really is about searching for opportunities. A lot of the time when I didn't have the strength to make myself do all of this I would use excuses like, theres nothing to do in order to avoid people. Or everything is boring etc. I really hope people take something from my post, its about making it possible to recover rather than staying in a self defeating loop.

@ils25r
Trust me its not an inability, its just that we SAers havent developed those skills. I didn't want to make my post any longer than it already was which is why I was trying to stress how painful and awkward everything was. I was humiliated repeatedly during this process. Don't let a single experience deter you, if I did then I never would have made it where I am. I'm telling you, you will most likely have to experience events like this over and over. There's a lot of hurt involved, but ive never been happier in my life because I endured.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

MrZetnek said:


> Ok, answer this
> 1. What if we rarely leave the house and don't see girls most of the time?
> 2.What if there are no pretty girls to take interest in?
> 3. How did you get past the thoughts of rejection?
> ...


Im glad you are asking all of these questions, makes me hope. If you ever have anymore please let me know. I want to share as much as possible.

1. Its like I said. You really have to go searching for opportunities. If you are in college there are probably tons of clubs/groups available where you can start socializing. If you don't go to college then look up your towns events, almost every town has events where you inevitably have the opportunity to socialize. It also doesn't have to be structured. I regularly tried to chat with random people, even cashiers. (before I actually had intense anxiety from checking out my groceries with cashiers because I never knew what to say even though I knew I really didn't need to say anything.) Needless to say Im sure I am "some weird guy" to hundreds of people and now that I am where I am, I dont give a flying F**k, what they think of me.

2. I didn't really mention it but the breakthrough first girl, wasnt exactly the prettiest girl in the world, not ugly by any means but just not the prettiest. I feel kind of bad about it but I really almost feel like half of the reason that I went through all of that with her was experience. People on this thread can hate on me for doing that but I needed it. That aside, there are always pretty girls. You just need to go looking for them.

3. It wasn't easy. Obviously as someone with SA that was one of the biggest fears I had. But i broke it down to two different outcomes. 1. Let the fear of rejection consume me. Avoid people at all costs and sure, this way I won't be rejected which is what I did for my entire life until recently. 2. Start realizing that option 1 does let you avoid rejection but it also avoids the possibility of being accepted. Just as Im sure many others on this forum have, I had the fear of always being alone. I tried to leverage the fear of being alone to my fear of rejection. Its not easy, but it worked.

4. Theres no answer to that. Many times I ended up right on the edge of having a panic attack but thats because I really threw myself in there, I wanted to get all of this stuff done with. Its not necessarily the best way to do it but thats how I ended up doing it. Don't let this discourage you though, trust me its worth it.

5. This one is a little tricky, now that I'm with my gf when we go to parties I end up talking to girls. There have been a few times where my gf goes up to me and goes, you know that girl was flirting with you right? I didn't know lol. However sometimes its a bit more obvious. For the first girl I talked about, she would obviously try and force us to talk, she would make physical contact with me. She would laugh at terrible jokes of mine that simply werent funny. If you ever are questioning yourself on if a girl likes you, just assume she is. I asked for quite a few numbers and was shot down with laughs. Its a terrible feeling but i don't regret it now. At another party before my gf happened, I was sitting on the couch talking and a girl I had talked to previously ended up sitting on my lap. I got her number and contacted her a few times. I ended up screwing that whole thing up but just wrote it off as more experience.

6. Not at all. I am actually extremely money conscious, I really only payed for the first two dates (maybe $15-$20?). She ended up asking to pay the next time and now we always just alternate paying from date to date. If you arent as lucky as me on that situation then you can always just bring it up at some point. She will understand and if she doesn't then you probably dont want a girl like that anyway.

7. Well, I was definitely one of those guys so yes there is. But it really resolved itself. In the beginning I would almost dart my eyes to see if people were looking at me. As you get more confident/more experienced you end up naturally making more eye contact.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Bert Reynolds said:


> I'm jealous. Good for you man. You took the big leap, something that is excruciatingly difficult to do for many of us. Your post gives me hope but also gives me the fear that I will need to suffer enormously through the process to make it out clean on the other side.


Its a sad truth for me but yes I had to suffer for it. Dont let that be defeat for you. We all have it in us to make it to the other side.

@Matt094
Thanks! I really hope you keep going, just keep throwing yourself in.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Again sorry for the long answers and terrible grammer/typos (just read that I wrote feet instead of feat lol).


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I had a similar experience with Adderall. It gave me enormous confidence that I would have never had otherwise and it caused people to treat me better and act more friendly towards me.


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## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

How did you get prescribed all of these amphetamines? Do you have ADD or just a very lax general doctor? Also, you mentioned something about Benzos but they didn't work for you.. I have a Xanax script and whenever I take it most of my anxiety is gone or very dampened down. I don't try to talk to anyone on it as well but then again I haven't tried to-I suppose out of lack of motivation/desire. Do you think you would of been able to accomplish what you did with a Benzo or is it that necessary to get the help from an amphetamine? BTW, I have tried amphetamines in the past and they did make me very confident/talkative (with people I already knew), but like the Xanax I still didn't make any effort to do anything further than that. With Xanax though, I can feel my cognitive skills are very "foggy" and it makes it much harder to speak clearly and well pronounced. It takes much more time for me to think of what I want to say which isn't a good thing. And with amphetamines all is great while on them except I get extreme insomnia on the come down at night. I suppose they each have their ups and downs.

One more thing, does you girlfriend know about your SA yet? If so, how did she take it?


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Bert Reynolds said:


> How did you get prescribed all of these amphetamines? Do you have ADD or just a very lax general doctor? Also, you mentioned something about Benzos but they didn't work for you.. I have a Xanax script and whenever I take it most of my anxiety is gone or very dampened down. I don't try to talk to anyone on it as well but then again I haven't tried to-I suppose out of lack of motivation/desire. Do you think you would of been able to accomplish what you did with a Benzo or is it that necessary to get the help from an amphetamine? BTW, I have tried amphetamines in the past and they did make me very confident/talkative (with people I already knew), but like the Xanax I still didn't make any effort to do anything further than that. With Xanax though, I can feel my cognitive skills are very "foggy" and it makes it much harder to speak clearly and well pronounced. It takes much more time for me to think of what I want to say which isn't a good thing. And with amphetamines all is great while on them except I get extreme insomnia on the come down at night. I suppose they each have their ups and downs.
> 
> One more thing, does you girlfriend know about your SA yet? If so, how did she take it?


Looking back on it now, no there was never really an explicit need for any medication. I just used it as a motivation boost, which it did. If you can get past that part then its just a matter of the actual socializing. I too was very foggy on benzos and it just felt like it inhibited me from really being in the moment. For amphetamine insomnia, you can megadose on vitamin c about an hour before sleep and it should help quite a bit if you decide to go down that road. As for how i got them, I have had a psychiatrist for quite sometime who let me try all the traditional medications. He trusted me because I actually knew more about the medications that I would ask for than he did. Eventually i brought up amphetamines with plenty of SAers stories using them and he let me try them.

I have in fact told my girlfriend. She really doesnt seem to believe me all that much. She just chalks it up to me having been shy. I have literally sat down with her and tried to explain and she just really doesnt think it could possibly have been. Honestly as frustrating as that is, I guess I should be happy/proud. She won't believe me, I guess I can officially pull off social


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

Ok, I'm gonna have to get myself a script for Adderall. I tried it on two separate occasions and it worked phenomenally. This only furthers my reasons to get it officially.

The only other thing I have to ask is this:

I've noticed in a lot of peoples posts mentioning how college basically helped them break free. It seems obvious: all the parties, clubs, groups, etc.

But what about us who can't afford school? Its simply just not an option for me. And you say look for local events and such... but I can honestly say they just don't exist where I am. I've looked. Any "club-like" group outside of school requires money or simply doesn't exist. That "college experience" can't be found outside of college.

So what am I to do?

And this is a follow up to the previous question. I know a lot of practice and exposure is key, but what do you do if there aren't opportunties around you?

Again, I'm not in college, so winter breaks, trips, parties... they're not available to me. I'm in a situation where I'm very eager to get out, but it just doesn't happen. Its not like I'm turning down social outings left and right. I simply don't get any invites. I would go to all these things if they were available to me. 

And I'm not in a social environment like college, so its not like I can walk outside my dorm, look at the billboard and pick up a flyer to some event (because I'm not in a dorm with a billboard and a bunch of other people looking to make friends).

So, what should I do?


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## Primitive Fish (Apr 12, 2013)

Very inspirational. It's good to hear positive stories. I'm very happy for you!


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

jimjam said:


> Ok, I'm gonna have to get myself a script for Adderall. I tried it on two separate occasions and it worked phenomenally. This only furthers my reasons to get it officially.
> 
> The only other thing I have to ask is this:
> 
> ...


Good question, being in college definitely opens a lot of doors for social events. Are there any colleges around you? I actually have a friend who doesn't go to college but he goes to colleges around him and finds parties. What kind of socializing would you like? Do you have bars in your area? The reason for going out at least in the beginning isnt necessarily to make friends but rather practicing your ability to socialize. Also by events i meant things such as concerts as well, but for me bars were easier because people are usually there in order to socialize.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

dafras said:


> Good question, being in college definitely opens a lot of doors for social events. Are there any colleges around you? I actually have a friend who doesn't go to college but he goes to colleges around him and finds parties. What kind of socializing would you like? Do you have bars in your area? The reason for going out at least in the beginning isnt necessarily to make friends but rather practicing your ability to socialize. Also by events i meant things such as concerts as well, but for me bars were easier because people are usually there in order to socialize.


There are colleges around me. But how do you just show up at a school you don't go to and "find parties?" That sounds incredibly awkward... what, do you just walk around and ask strangers what's going on on Friday?

I know some people who used to go to college parties and stuff. But it was easy for them because they already had a huge, established, social network, including lots of friends who WENT to those schools. Regardless, I don't talk to those people anymore (they moved away), or they don't do that scene anymore.

Also, I've been to bars already. I've already worked on my ability to socialize. My social skills aren't lacking like they used to be. The last girl I dated I met at a bar, about three months ago. I'm not seeing her anymore though. Ended badly. I know she'd be down to go out, she's outgoing. I don't know anyone who's outgoing like that anymore.

I'm just in a rut I guess, because the (very) few friends I have aren't as outgoing as they used to be. They've all got girlfriends who just wanna stay at home, and are also in hard financial times.

Bars are fine, but its uncomfortable to go alone. And not even from an SA standpoint. I don't have anyone to go with anymore. I lost my job recently too, so I don't see any of my old work mates either. I don't really know which are "hip" young people bars either. Most of the places I've been to are all older crowds, like mid 30's to 40's. There aren't any night clubs or anything like that where I live. At least I've never heard of them.

As for concerts, none of the groups I like ever play anywhere around here. I got to see CAKE in the summer, and made a date out of it with a girl. But that was the last concert I was even remotely excited about. And I hate going to concerts where I just don't care about the artist. I mean, if I were going with friends, I wouldn't care who's playing really. But again, I've got no one who's into that stuff right now.

I'm not trying to be negative at all by any means. Like I said, I guess I'm just kinda in a rut. All my friends are boring right now, none of them want to be adventurous, and I don't have anyone else to go do stuff with.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

@jimjam
Does sound like youre in a little bit of a rut  I go to u of I so you can literally walk around and just find parties. Why not try and get in contact with your old work mates? Sorry im not being much help, we are in two very different environments.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

dafras said:


> @jimjam
> Does sound like youre in a little bit of a rut  I go to u of I so you can literally walk around and just find parties. Why not try and get in contact with your old work mates? Sorry im not being much help, we are in two very different environments.


Yeah, it sucks. I would go to school if I could afford it. I really do think the environment would help me. But I don't know if I could juggle that, a social life, a job (or two), the cost of therapy, and the stress of financial hardship all at once. On top of SA. I'm just not that strong of a person.

I'm definitely jealous of people who have it easy like you. Not making light of your situation, but just relatively easier than I. I mean hey, congrats for all you accomplished. I'm glad for you. I just wish I could be at that level with you.

I am planning a trip across the US. This is the only thing that's giving me hope right now.

See, I'm not all too uncomfortable going to bars alone or meeting people. But it is definitely weird going out alone in your hometown. Its something that's more acceptable when you're traveling.

"I'm traveling across the country, just stopped in this town for a few days. I don't know anyone! I'm just looking to have some fun. Think you could show me around?"

That story doesn't really work in the town you've lived in for 20 years. If you go out alone, it means you literally have no available friends in you home city. :/

That's just kinda a red flag.

EDIT: I should just stop complaining. lol. Sorry.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

@jimjam
Actually I have a job, a research position and I am currently double majoring + double minoring. At this point I have almost no free time to be socializing, luckily I manage. I understand why you would be hesitant to go to bars by yourself but I don't think it should stop you. Just dont let that conversation come up. Or just lie and say you came with a few people but they wanted to try another bar. Either way Im pretty jealous of that trip of yours.

As for therapy, a lot of schools actually provide cheap options. I get 10 free sessions a semester + extremely reduced cost per session after that. Like $15 or $20 per session. That obviously can be drastically different from school to school but its something to check out.


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Hello again everyone. Just wanted to update everyone on whats going on in my life. I have now been with my girlfriend for an unbelievable 10 months. I am crazy in love with her and I can't spend enough time with her. We actually took a 3 week road trip together. Yes you heard me, 3 weeks, me, her, in a car, just the two of us  Suffice to say I no longer have the slightest trace of social anxiety.

I just wanted to let everyone know that it is actually possible to absolutely conquer SA. I would have never believed it possible 10 months ago but I am confident, I can talk to anyone and I can actually enjoy social interaction. Heck I love it now.

I am not putting this up to gloat, its just to let everyone know that its not too late and Ive come to the conclusion that for all the guys and girls out there you don't need to get a girl or boy to start flirting with you to conquer SA. Its just about spending time with people. Learning how to interact, react and have a good time. I know the beginning absolutely sucks, everything feels clunky and awkward. Its hard to get yourself up and actually try to socialize. Well trust me when I say its worth it because Ive never been happier in my life. So go out there, have a thousand awkward social situations so you can squeeze out one not awkward one because thats what it takes.

If anyone has any questions feel free to post here or pm me.
Thanks for everything everyone on this forum has done for me!


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Thanks for bumping, I never saw this before but it is truly inspiring. Well done on your progress!


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Stilla said:


> Thanks for bumping, I never saw this before but it is truly inspiring. Well done on your progress!


Thank you! I just really hope my story can help somebody out. I know before this happened I thought everyday of my life how it would be impossible for me to ever interact with somebody this much. I always blamed it on some chemical imbalance literally making it impossible because i was just at such a drastic state of anxiety. But for the first time im complete and its one of the greatest feelings ive ever had.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

^ lol kinda funny I was just rereading this thread when I got the quote notification. 
I just like your overall attitude  Like saying how things were awkward and didn't go smoothly but despite it you pushed through! And you did it over and over again until finally it just got easier. It really seems like that would be what it takes to overcome this. 

I mean this is probably gonna sound ridiculous... but something that clicked for me when I read it is that you were the one who forced yourself to initiate contact with others and that is something I've never really done, but it seems like that is the "cure".
Anyways I won't make this too long but your story does inspire me to push myself out of my comfort zone. 5 stars yo!


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## dafras (Oct 9, 2012)

Stilla said:


> ^ lol kinda funny I was just rereading this thread when I got the quote notification.
> I just like your overall attitude  Like saying how things were awkward and didn't go smoothly but despite it you pushed through! And you did it over and over again until finally it just got easier. It really seems like that would be what it takes to overcome this.
> 
> I mean this is probably gonna sound ridiculous... but something that clicked for me when I read it is that you were the one who forced yourself to initiate contact with others and that is something I've never really done, but it seems like that is the "cure".
> Anyways I won't make this too long but your story does inspire me to push myself out of my comfort zone. 5 stars yo!


Im really happy to hear! But yes nearly every step of the way was awkward and well it sucked until later on when I started seeing results. It really is all about contact. You could be in a thousand social clubs and still avoid actual contact. You have to make sure that you are interacting as much as possible. It just sucks because this was my approach for quite sometime but I would quit for quite some time after each experience because each experience was kind of painful and it would make me feel worse about myself. Once you get over that part and you just keep making interactions it will eventually start to come to you and everyone else.


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## oryx (Aug 17, 2014)

Thanks for ur post. it is very inspiring. it seems like the fear of being alone was a big motivator that allowed you to keep exposing yourself again and again through failure and rejection. i guess I am going thru that a little, motivating me at least to find a support group around me. Now that you no longer have anxiety, what would u say were the biggest misconceptions or thoughts you had that prevented u from talking to girls? And how these have changed now?


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## whatevzers (Jan 26, 2012)

Good job and congratulations on turning your life around. Your post is very inspiring and I'm glad I read it, especially when you mention that you understand the lack of motivation to go out and make a change. That gives us all hope. Thanks!


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## specter23 (Dec 26, 2010)

dafras said:


> Every chance I saw, i would force myself to socialize. What I want to stress here is how painfully awkward all of this was. I really didnt have any social skills at all. There would be huge gaps in conversation, i would say really weird things etc. (I also want to mention that my anxiety made me feel like theres no way that I could ever have a relationship because I never knew what to talk about. I constantly had this fear of running out of conversation topics). Anyway after a few months of this awkward stage I finally started seeing the patterns. I was able to have conversations with people and come off completely normal sounding.


First of all, congratulations on overcoming SA, and I'm very happy for you, knowing that there's one less person in the world who no longer feels lonely.

I used to have a social circle at church, but because I didn't really know what to say when I interacted with them, they began to tune me out. Since you said you had no social skill and didn't really know what to say, what were the things that you were able to do (or say) to allow your social circle to accept you?


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