# a social non entity



## david83 (Jan 31, 2010)

i feel like such a loser today as last night i was invited out by two people from work who are leaving so there was a big gathering of all different people from work at the bar next door. As it was my day off,i made an effort to get ready and go back into town to meet the people who are leaving as i live quite far out of town.when i got there, there was quite alot of people there already, including this guy who i hate as ive known him for years and he always ignores me or only talks to me when there is nobody else to talk to and everyone was around him thinking he was the best thing ever.i got a quick hello from one of the girls who was leaving and that was it, nobody even looked at me, i had to find a space to sit down as nobody was bothered to budge up and make room for me!i felt like such an idiot just sat there twiddling my fingers and started to feel so angry as this kind of thing seems to happen to me alot, like im invisible and not worthy of anyones time.its not like im ugly or a bad person with bad fashion sense either,not that it would matter if i was ugly because its what your like as a person but i would never let someone sit on their own looking lonely if it were me throwing a social gatheing!so i sat there for 50 minutes and probably spoke to two people the whole time which only involved a "hi, u o.k?"then they seemed to not want to carry on the conversation and i could tell the other guy there who was getting loads of attention was loving it because he kept laughing out in a way that screamed turn around and look at popular me with all these people rounnd me when your there on your own!so i downed my second drink and i began to feel really annoyed,i put my coat on and at that point, one of the girls who the party was put on for and who was leaving suddenly saw my slightly upset/angry face and that i was getting my coat on and said "are you going"i couldnt hold my anger in and just snapped "yes im going, i have to meet someone"and left.now im dreading going into work next week as im off for a week because it would have spread round the department that i was sat on my own and left in a hurry looking angry.the only person who would have known how i really felt was the popular guy who was there as im positive he tries to make me feel like this on purpose, whenever im around he will make sure he lets me know how popular he is by getgting all the attention and im sick of it!this kind of thing happens the whole time to me and im getting to the point where im starting to become very bitter and thinking to myself "**** everyone".i want to be around people who value me and dont treat me like this butn i dont know why these disgusting people get off acting this way.they know im shy and not the kind of person who can get up and be the centre of attention but i do like to be acnowledged and spoke to....i dont come accross as arrogant or moody because of my shyness im quite talkative and attentive when i get going but they never give me the chance.How do you think i should handle this problem?


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## rcapo89 (Jun 3, 2009)

First off, welcome to SAS! 

I understand how uncomfortable it is to be in a social gathering, however you can't just sit quietly and expect people to start a conversation with you. You have to be proactive and take the initiative. 
Please don't despair David because you are a unique human being who deserves happiness, love, and respect.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

I have been in group situations where one loud guy dominates the conversation.  I usually dislike this person. I either interrupt this loudmouth with some questions to involve myself in the conversation, or just turn to the person next to me and ask them how they've been, completely ignoring the loudmouth.

I agree with recapo about taking the initiative. If you want a place to sit, you need to ask people to move over. If you want someone to talk to you, you need to talk first. Really, weren't you the one ignoring everybody because you didn't talk to them?


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## david83 (Jan 31, 2010)

Thanks for both of your advice, i really appreciate it!jane, i can honestly say that i wasnt the one ignoring everyone, i tried to speak to people numerous times, then after a couple of seconds they would turn away and talk to who they must see as more "popular" people!they only ever seem to want to speak with me when there is nobody else available like im second best or something and i dont know why, im a good listener and am quite cultured and have lots of opinions on different subjects, but all these nasty work collegues seem interested in is keeping me left out and making me feel like nothing.


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