# Do your parents control you?



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

For those of you who live with your parent(s), either all the time or intermittently, do you feel guilty when you disobey them? Are you reluctant to argue when you disagree with them? Do you feel weak when they tell you what you ought to be doing with your life?

If you answered 'yes' to _at least one_ of these questions, *vote yes. *

If you said 'no' to _all_ of these questions, *vote no.*


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

YES!!!

Indian parents r really strict even if their kids are self sufficient or they do have job they woNt let u take all decisions on ur own
..even not letting u have a boyfriend..theyw ill find ur bridegroom too

they wont let u attend sleep overs at ur friends residence or smoke or drink or surf on internet for more tahn one hr..or watch TV the whole day


yes I do feel gulity when I make excuses or tell lie sor disobe them..i feel like jumping from somewhere n hit myself then

Nope i dnt argue i just keep quiet or find some corner where i amy load my anger on something else..i cry when i get angry a lot....i dnt like having nasty conversations with my parents..i respect them tons..whatever they feel right or wrong for me..i respect them 


yes i get upset when they dnt understand my point of view..they disagree with my opinions n i feel like running from house..but i love them n the truth is i cant live without them


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I voted Yes. Since I was a child, my parents manipulated me and terrified me when I disobeyed them. My sister was 5 years older than me and was the 'rebel' child. I was the 'goody-tooshoo'. I rarely argued with my parents and always did what they told me to do. I was afraid of them like a devout Christain fears God. Even though I loved them and they loved me, I grew up as their doormat. I think this led to me being a delinquent in school, and I would go as far as saying it was the major trigger of my SA.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

For me, co-dependency is a setback to overcoming SA.


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd (Apr 10, 2010)

If you have the money to move out you should try and move out or rebel and get kicked out.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Thanks for the suggestion. I've already considered that. I'm working on getting myself a good paying job with benefits before I move out. The cost of living in cali is ridiculous. Until then, I have to balance being obedient enough to not get kicked out too soon and rebellious enough to keep my sanity.


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd (Apr 10, 2010)

Yeah, it can be tough to find a good job, especially nowadays. If I were you, I'd just avoid them. They're no better than you. Use them as much as possible. It's all parents are good for. Exploit their asses.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

My Dad tries to


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

I'm not sure should I say yes or no. They try to control me but I rarely do what they want me to do.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

They don't so much control me but there are times I will refrain from doing things as I am afraid of their reaction


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Secretaz said:


> I'm not sure should I say yes or no. They try to control me but I rarely do what they want me to do.


I'm inclined to say you don't give them a lot of control over you.



Janniffy said:


> They don't so much control me but there are times I will refrain from doing things as I am afraid of their reaction


Maybe they're not controlling you per-say, but your fear of their reaction still dictates your actions.


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## Tentative (Dec 27, 2011)

They got off my back around the time I turned 18.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

My main problem is the "Do you want to..?" questions where the only acceptable answer is "Yes" and a "No" leads to arguments and repeated asking of the same question until I finally relent, or get told off somehow.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I hate when I tell them a joke, and it turns into a life lesson.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I hate when I tell them a joke, and it turns into a life lesson.


 :mum 
Exactly..i always think before I speak..coz I cant predict out what their reaction ig going to b:sus


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

my parents insist on doing EVERYTHING for my brother, and they wonder why he doesn't grow up and become productive. they don't help me out at all, and refuse to give me help and guidance. attempts to ask for help end up sounding like a ***** fest. they never showed me proper ways of doing things and complain i am always doing it wrong (because they way i do it seems to work).


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

My parents don't control me as such... but they do have a say - in a large way - in my life. I do feel guilty for not listening to them at times though...


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

_Try _is the right phrase I think.

They've had no control over me whatsoever since I was 14.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Nope.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

No. I think my dad's lack of responsibility and "parenting" abilities affected me negatively in some ways. But ever since I was 13 he was always like "you can dye your hair pink, be whatever you want to be in life, or bring home boys, I don't care" lol. So that's a good thing.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I respect my parents but I will always do what I feel is right regardless of who opposes. I feel guilty when I disobey them or argue but what does that have to do with control? My parents are very open minded so telling me what I SHOULD be doing with my life doesn't happen often even if it did I'm not sure I'd feel weak. I want them to be proud of me but not to the extent of compromising myself.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

To the fullest.

-I cannot go out whenever I want to, even during the day. Always have to have their permission first.
-I cannot have my class schedule the way I want it, but I did so anyway this semester, and they hate me for it.
-I cannot buy whatever groceries I want to buy.
-I cannot have my own money (but I hide a bunch from them anyway).
-I have no space of my own here at home... or even outside of home. They always in contact with me, and if I do not answer their call, I'm dead meat.
-Not allowed to have friends over, even when they're truly good people.
-Mom has self-esteem issues and always demands that I talk to her and cater to her no matter how busy I am with homework and other things.
-Not allowed to stay up past 10 or 11PM to do homework or study for final exams.
-Not allowed to even wake up at 4 or 5AM to study if I have to (early exam in this situation).
-Not allowed to organize things in my room the way I want it to (my room isn't a mess, seriously).
-Not allowed to just simply hang out with a friend at a park.. there always has to be a huge reason to hang out with someone (i.e. theme park, birthday, movies). Not just a park.. not just hanging at their house...no hanging out "for no reason". So I always lie..
-Can't be out past 6PM.

There's a buttload of things really. One of the big reasons I feel depressed. I'm 21 too, to put things into perspective.

I've been lying a whole lot to them about my whereabouts and what I'm doing with my life just so I don't have to hear their ****ty opinions and demands.


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## Ironpain (Aug 8, 2010)

My mom and grandmother are two polar opposites my mom only started trying to control my choices later on in life, to make up for the fact that as a kid the only parenting she knew how to do was to buy me stuff, she didn't know how to be a mom. 

She wasn't the disciplinarian, so my grandmother took on the responsibility of my legal guardian, now you can ask anybody who knows me, my grandmother controlled everything I did, from what clothes I wore, she held all this control over me, even into my adult hood, she controlled me with emotional blackmail and fear. 

Holding me responsible if anything happened to her and how my family would blame me, she forced me to give up my passion of acting by guilt tripping me and of course I had no job, no money, so she could threaten to take away my internet, she could kick me out on the street, I was terrified she would do all that to me, leave me without anything.

It's an extremely long and complicated story, My grandmother was good at making me do what she wanted by circumnavigating me, I guess that makes me an idiot but I always thought about the worse case scenerio. 

That she might have a heart attack or she might turn my family against me etc; If I wore something that I liked but she didn't at Christmas or other holiday's she'd make me change it. 

She'd tell me what to wear and I would say no I like what I'm wearing and she'd give me this glare and than compare me to other members of my family and say look how they are all dressed, you'll feel more comfortable that way.

This might seem tame to you, you might think what a lot of other people think oh she's your grandmother she loves you and all this stuff I've been hearing for God knows how long but the fact of the matter is, it made me afraid to take risks because of my fear that she might take away my only connection to other people, I mean I have real life friends now but the majority of people I have connections with are online, Anyways I'm rambling on I'll shut my typing fingers now.

I really like that you made this thread, I've always felt like I was alone in this situation, I have always felt like this only happens to me but I'm in my late 20's so it is really embarrassing for me that I can be so easily fearful of an 85 year old woman.


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## fonz (Oct 15, 2008)

JenN2791 said:


> To the fullest.
> 
> -I cannot go out whenever I want to, even during the day. Always have to have their permission first.
> -I cannot have my class schedule the way I want it, but I did so anyway this semester, and they hate me for it.
> ...


Oh man,that sounds horrible

They control me to a certain extent,but I let them. I'm OK with the situation,I could move out if I wanted and hardly see them.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I think my dad kinda did. Looking back, I think he needed my brother and me as much as we needed him. He died in 2007 (RIP). I have learned a lot from him even from the things he left behind. He had more faith in me than I had in myself - it just didn't occur to me until after he was gone.

My mom - not so much.


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## Insanityonthego (Jul 5, 2010)

All the time, but that's over soon baby!


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## McShakesalot (Apr 25, 2012)

I respect my mom, she got us from living in a shelter to living in a house by herself. One day I will pay her back.


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