# just married want it to last



## chef Julie (Apr 5, 2012)

My new husband has anxiety about my past. (possible sex tape may exist in a state 6 states away). He can't let it go, but we love each other so much, and when he isn't reminded about it, he is a fully functional sexy math teacher. But he fears that someone will shame him about something I did 5 years ago. I can't convince him that it doesn't matter, doesn't exist, Or that no one cares/remembers other than him. (he made me tell him when we first started dating and it is our main source of conflict even tho he has a past too) I used to yell and scream about how he wasn't fair etc. Like my mother would yell, and that would make it worse of course. Now I just listen and try to do whatever to keep the peace, but there has to be a better way. We went to therapy for it once, but I was still getting hysterical that he couldn't forgive me/doesn't trust me/ wants me to feel shame. I just want us to be happy. I have grown up a lot since the mistakes of my mid twenties. I just want to live my life to the fullest. Not worry about the past. He shuts down, doesn't talk (cause he doesn't want me to yell and tell him I don't want to talk about it.) He has a history of blocking people out so he doesn't get hurt but that hurts me too. How can I help him reduce his anxiety? He hates it when i say he has a problem but he complains of the classic symptoms...


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I don't know what to advise you but this sounds like something he definitely needs to get over. The possibility of this tape is always going to be out there so it's better he accepts it now. It's always good to address these problems early on so another trip to couple counseling might be in order. It seems pretty obvious to me that you're never going to do something like this again. You don't need to live your life in shame.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It's something he has to work with. If it comes up, you seem to know how to handle it.


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## Charlie angel (Apr 2, 2012)

Pray for him! The problem is his, but unfortunately we can't change people, all we can do is pray for them.


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## smt074 (Dec 16, 2011)

What is he worried about? It sounds like the odds of this possible sex tape coming back is nil. Is he worried that someone he knows will see or find out about it?


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

even if it gets out and someone you know sees it chances are slim they will actually recognize you.
I went to school with a girl who became a pornstar and I had seen her in a movie and I did not recognize her. I have to add there were 12 people in my graduating class and she was a cheerleeder. The only way I found out who she was is because she did the HBO series pornocopio


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