# Should I get back in touch with this therapist?



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I saw a psychotherapist from about December/January to May, so about five months. I don't feel that it really helped enough to be worth the cost (it was private, not on the NHS) and overall I found it kind of frustrating. She seemed nice enough and was very experienced, but it just felt so unstructured. I would turn up every week and talk for fifty minutes, and that was it. It felt like we were starting from a blank sheet every time I went. She would always begin the sessions by saying "How are you?" and then, when I answered "Fine, how are you?" (it's so reflex!) she'd say "How was your week?". I mean, this is the only therapist I've ever seen so I don't know whether that's normal or not, but it pissed me off. She didn't seem to link anything together or direct anything. If I'm just supposed to talk about how my week went, I might as well just write in a journal.

The first two sessions we had she wanted to talk about my early childhood (which I can't even remember) but after that it was like she forgot anything I'd said about what happened in the past. Everything we talked about felt to me to be kind of short-term and superficial. The things that she did ever "read into" seemed very trivial and reaching to me, and she never seemed to want to talk about what I felt was important. Once or twice we did talk on something important but it'd get cut off, and then she would never bring it up again. I also felt like she didn't really respect my boundaries. More than once, she would keep pressing at something I couldn't talk about (and had told her I couldn't) until I was crying too much to talk, and then she would _keep_ pressing until I snapped at her. She met with my parents twice, once without me and once with me present, and the second time she offended them.

I was having a lot of doubts about continuing the therapy while it was going on, but felt like I had no other options (my friend told me that the NHS has a 6 month waiting list, and I live in a small enough area that there are very few other female therapists, if any). I felt like I was being self-indulgent, attention-seeking and weak by seeing a therapist at all, and I kept fooling myself into thinking my problems didn't really exist (even through panic attacks and major avoidance). My parents were passive-aggressively pressuring me to stop going, at the same time as saying "Go, if you think it's worth it!/if you think it helps!". My family has some money problems, and that really weighed a lot on my mind.

Eventually, in May, I used my A-Level exams as an excuse for a 'break', with the intention of going back. The therapist asked me to call her to arrange another session when I felt like it. Thanks to my SA, I never did. A while later she sent me a letter asking me to get in touch through email. Again, thanks to my SA, I never did. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Now, a couple of months on, I don't really feel like going back to her unless I have to. I have to do something about my SA and I'm currently talking myself into to making an NHS appointment, but I'm scared that's not going to work out either, and then I don't know what else I could do. I don't want to put a financial burden on my family again. But I feel like, maybe I should send her a letter or an email or something just to ask her her advice or something. In all the time I saw her, she never suggested any kind of diagnosis or said anything really about what might be causing my problems or what I could do about it. As a result, I feel like all that time and money was wasted. I don't know anything more than if I had been talking to myself or to a relative for free. I know she took notes after each session, and she probably still has them, right?

Do you think that if I wrote her a letter or an email, she'd respond and tell me her opinion? Or would she expect me to shell out for another few sessions? Or should I just forget it and accept that it was all pointless?

Also, is what I described normal? I can't believe that all therapists operate by just saying "How are you, how was your week?" and never communicate their thoughts about your issues.


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## Invisble (Aug 6, 2012)

Sounds like she was a really sh*tty therapist. I've found that therapy never really worked for me because of mainly the same reasons you described on here. We never really talked about things that mattered. Only stupid questions that seemed so pointless and never got us anywhere. It was cool to kill some time in school tho haha. If you really want to see a therapist tho I'd recommend interviewing a few different ones before you actually start paying to see them. Just talk to them and ask what kind of issues they think they would be especially good at helping you with. I think with something like SA it would really help if you were lucky enough to find a therapist who's dealt with a lot of anxiety cased before. Good luck to you. I hope you find the help your looking for.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Thanks so much for the advice. Like I said, though, the problem is is that in my area there really aren't that many therapists to choose from. But I won't be here forever, and maybe I'll have better luck in future.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

lisbeth said:


> I saw a psychotherapist from about December/January to May, so about five months. I don't feel that it really helped enough to be worth the cost (it was private, not on the NHS) and overall I found it kind of frustrating. She seemed nice enough and was very experienced, but it just felt so unstructured. I would turn up every week and talk for fifty minutes, and that was it. It felt like we were starting from a blank sheet every time I went. She would always begin the sessions by saying "How are you?" and then, when I answered "Fine, how are you?" (it's so reflex!) she'd say "How was your week?". I mean, this is the only therapist I've ever seen so I don't know whether that's normal or not, but it pissed me off. She didn't seem to link anything together or direct anything. If I'm just supposed to talk about how my week went, I might as well just write in a journal.
> 
> The first two sessions we had she wanted to talk about my early childhood (which I can't even remember) but after that it was like she forgot anything I'd said about what happened in the past. Everything we talked about felt to me to be kind of short-term and superficial. The things that she did ever "read into" seemed very trivial and reaching to me, and she never seemed to want to talk about what I felt was important. Once or twice we did talk on something important but it'd get cut off, and then she would never bring it up again. I also felt like she didn't really respect my boundaries. More than once, she would keep pressing at something I couldn't talk about (and had told her I couldn't) until I was crying too much to talk, and then she would _keep_ pressing until I snapped at her. She met with my parents twice, once without me and once with me present, and the second time she offended them.
> 
> ...


yeah , I dont know if you should go back to her again if you dont feel like she was helpnig you and you keep repeating yourself. They ask about your childhood so they can see whether something from your past triggered the social anxiety. I wouldnt shell out more wasted sessions if you dont have to.


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## dismiss (Jul 26, 2012)

I read twice in your posts that there aren't many female therapists in the area... Are there _any_? If there are, I say, make the effort and try a different one.
I used a therapist for marriage counseling. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to undo the damage. I asked that therapist if she would see me on a one to one basis. Her chosen field was marriage, & she declined. I ended up taking a different route in dealing with my SA. But, I would've liked to have had one.
I think if your family is willing, you should stick with it. It sounds like a way of treatment you find appealing. Never know, it may turn out to be the key in helping you onto a different phase in your life.
Whatever you choose, I wish you well.


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## FunkMonk (Mar 24, 2010)

I think you should wait for NHS appointment than pay money for a therapist your not quite sure about. If there is a waiting list go see your doctor he/she maybe able to get you appointment sooner if not stay in contact with your doctor in till you get your appointment.


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## the fella (Jul 28, 2012)

The "therapist" I used to see (she was actually a lcsw) used CBT. She would ask me questions based on my responses to her previous questions, things like that. But really, I feel she ended up being more of someone to talk to than actually helping me with my anxiety. One thing she did that I found REALLY annoying was that she would ask a question, but phrase it in the form of a statement. Questions require responses; questions don't. It got to the point where I'd have to ask her, "Was that a question or a statement?" She also once seemed to imply that bisexuality doesn't exist. But I let that one go.


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## wildgrl (Mar 9, 2012)

Hey Lis.... yea... I'm kinda with you on this.

If your not getting anything out of it after 3-5 months, chances are pretty good that you wont in an additional 3-5 months. You'll just have less money. 

I've been too therapists like this when i was younger. Exactly as you described... starting "new" every time. Like WTF?? Didnt we discuss all this last week?? So frustrating.

When i had my mental-meltdown early this year, A clinical therapist was assigned to me. He was completely void. Saw him 3 times, and each time he was like "what would you like to get out of our time together". The last time he said that, i made up an excuse and just left. I wanted to tell him.. "well, remembering my NAME would be a nice start!!! a-HOLE". (Of course i didnt).

Anyway...finding a therapist that "clicks" with you isn't easy. Ive been to many... and my current therapist is just awesome. She and i hooked up about 4-5 years back. She took me back this year on a partial pro-bono basis (I pay for one session a month, and she gives me the other 3 at no cost if there isnt any conflicts.). And we're doing CBT again.

You CAN help yourself though. There are lots of good books and online articles on the topic. Understanding what's going on in our minds, mentally and chemically, is the first step to recovery. I mean, You can't fix what's broken until you fully understand the cause(s) / trigger points of the anxiety. And once you've identified these, you can prepare yourself to manage those situations ahead of time. 

But keep searching for a Pro. They really do make all the difference, but only if they "click" with your personality. But NO therapist can provide a resolution or miracle cure. That's just not going to happen. YOU are the cure. Therapist's just show you the way... so to speak.

Sorry for rambling.  {{{hugs}}}


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

What's wrong with seeing a male therapist? In my personal experience, men have been much better at understanding how I feel (believe it or not). The females I saw were very confusing, acted dumb, and were even very rude. Maybe it was just that they had no empathy. But not all men were so sensitive. One I saw was quite aloof and quiet (which I didn't like). Just in general I get along with males easier, and also prefer male therapists. 

It's up to you whether you think the sessions are going well. If you happen to think that there's nothing happening, then yeah, you are wasting your time. And the above story sounds like it's not a good match at all. It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It actually sounds like you tried a lot to correct misunderstandings and get on track, and she failed with you. 

You mentioned a long waiting list...it took me years to find a good therapist (here in the US), so if you end up with a good one in 6 months, then you'll be glad you waited--it'll be worth it. Good luck!


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